She is mine anyway. You're afraid of me? of a boy? Ttied me to a tree. I am alone and you've got so many men. Are you a man after that? Let's go to the river and fight there. Hear me? Or is it so that the highland customs mean nothing to you? I'll kill you! Hey, you! Untie the boy! Strange.. I'm left completely alone. What do I do? Where do I go? Follow the birds, son. It's all easier for the birds. They're in the sky. And I am on the ground. How do I live? How do live here, where everyone hates, robs and kills each other? Why are they so cruel? Teach me how to live with these people. The almond has blossomed again in the mountains. Man must be strong, brave, clever and decisive. Be careful, jackals and wolfs come out in the mountains at night. Defend yourself. Once again. Good boy. LENFILM Trubetskaya - Irina KUPCHENKO Trubetskoy - Alexei BATALOV Volkonskaya - Natalya BONDARCHUK Volkonsky - Oleg STRIZHENOV Gueble-Annenkova - Ewa SZYKULSKA (Poland) Annenkov - Igor KOSTOLEVSKY Rayevsky - Lev IVANOV Rayevskaya - Raissa KURKINA Annenkova - Tatiana PANKOVA Ryleyev - O. YANKOVSKY Ryleyeva - T. FYODOROVA Pestel - A. POROKHOVSHCHIKOV Kakhovsky - V. KOSTETSKY Nicholas I - V. LIVANOV Tsejdler - I. SMOKTUNOVSKY Lavalle - V. STRZHELCHIK Miloradovich - D. SHILKO Lebzeltern - I. DMITRIYEV Alexander I - V. DUBENSKY Levashov - V. TEREKHOV Vausher - L. MAKAROVSKY Fyodor - A. TRUSOV Nikitka - M. KOKSHENOV Pafnuti - A. KOZHEVNIKOV To the women of Russia THE CAPTIVATING STAR OF HAPPINESS Written by V. MOTYL, O. OSETINSKY Director of Photography Dmitry MESKHIEV Production Designer Valery KOSTRIN Music by I. SHVARTS Sound by M. LAZAREV Song lyrics by B. OKUDZHAVA English subtitles by T. Kameneva Directed by Vladimir MOTYL - Nikolai Nikolayevich is sleeping? - He's not at home. He and Sophia Alexeyevna are vacationing at Belaya Tserkov. You can go! Marie! Sorry for not having come sooner. It was beyond my powers. Here, the letters from Pushkin. Believe me, Marie, I missed you very much. Pestel has been arrested! Pavel Ivanovich? What for? The regiment under my command will have to place under arrest the commander-in-chief and the head of the staff. The Northern Society is for the preservation of the monarchy. The Southern Society intends to abolish it. To abolish the monarchy overnight is impossible, especially here, in Russia. It can only be restricted by the law, like in Britain. But that will be a republic, Prince. Your arguments are useless. We detest the ignominy of serfdom. Pestel is not married. Not married... Pestel... Neither is Kakhovsky. Nor Muraviev-Apostol. But Ryleyev... His wife... and daughter... I'll give orders to serve dinner. The czar will certainly come to review the troops. His death will be a signal to action. We in the South want to know if the Northerners agree to regicide. I'm pleased with your brigade, Prince. I only regret that you haven't got rid of that spirit of giddiness. It'd be much more profitable if you devoted yourself to military affairs. Sire... - I don't know the reason why... - You're too smart, Volkonsky. Beware, Prince, you had let yourself get carried away with matters that don't concern you when you were in Paris. True, I myself had encouraged those extravagant dreams, and even ordered to draft a Constitution. Though I realize now that it's of no use in an enlightened monarchy. Nor did I rescind the ban on the society you're a member of. And don't try to deny it. The tyrant's blood will deliver our country of the autocracy. We can't but agree with the Southerners' plan, Prince. If, by the spring, the Tsar doesn't grant the Constitution he'd promised... And what if he doesn't? Gentlemen, I will wait until 1926, and, during a review of the troops, confess my guilt. The Tsar will have me executed. But he will grant Russia the statutes you failed to obtain. The thunder will strike, gentlemen! Perhaps I deserve to be condemned... If something goes awry, I hope you will at least try to understand us. Us? Oh God, us? Maria! What is it? Oh, God, what does it mean? Maria! Masha! Oh, my God! An omen! It's an omen! A bad omen! O Lord! Forgive me! She must be by the swing. Maria! Mashenka! Masha, hush, hush... Nothing really happened. Calm down. I could never imagine such a thing. Enough, Mashenka, calm down. It was really nothing. Come on, what's the matter with you? Turn back! Turn back, Your Excellency! They put a guard at your house. Don't go to Uman! A courier from St. Petersburg... He brought the Tsar's order about your arrest... Turn back, Your Excellency. It's too late to turn back. Ippolit! Ippolit, please. Here, these are my letters to my wife. Distribute them, so that they are sent from different places. My wife is still too weak. I want her to learn about it as late as possible. Yes, sir, I'll do it. Go! By the winter of 1825-1826, the Russian gentry was deeply divided. The accession of Nicholas I, to replace the dead Emperor Alexander, was marked by a revolt. Who is going to report about me to the Tsar? Are you joking, Captain? There's been no order to arrest you. On the day of taking an oath of allegiance, you were in the barracks. Isn't that so? But I joined the rebels when the guns were aimed at them. You're slandering yourself. I was a member of the secret society, and I must share their fate. He's lost a lot of blood, and had nothing to eat for two days. He gave up his sword of his own free will, but when he was led to the guardhouse, he offered resistance, and, therefore, was tied up. In view of his hunger swoon... He's been wounded. Let him remain seated. I knew it would be you here. You said, exterminate the august family? Was it you? No, I never said it to anybody. Let him eat. I never said it to anybody, but I've been thinking of it all the time. Stand up! Insulting the most august highnesses? ! Excuse me! How can I insult their highnesses? They have fortresses, the army and fleet. They fire with case-shot! What do they care if I say: you, Nikolai Pavlovich, are a pig? How dare you sit in the presence of... Scoundrel! Swine! Scum! Scum! Put him in irons, so he can't even move! Scoundrel! You used to swear better when you were in the army. Catherine! - Whatever you may be told about us... - Don't say anything! Only God can judge you, Serge! You and your friends. Mister Ambassador, I'm sorry, the Russian officials are here, the Minister of Foreign Affairs himself... What happened, Mister Minister? So early in the morning at my house? I'm very sorry to disturb you at this untimely hour, but your relative, Prince Trubetskoy, spent the night at your house. If the Prince remains at your embassy, you'll be presented a note. I have sent for the Prince, but if he doesn't wish to come out... - It's so awful! - I hope everything'll be all right. What can I do for you, gentlemen? The Emperor wishes to see you. When? Immediately. What are you doing, Prince? I hope, Ludwig, you will take care of Catherine. Catherine! What are you doing here? You can expect anything from those soldiers! Father, I beg you, tell me, where is Serge? Trubetskoy is not here! Where is Serge? Go away, quick, these are the rebels! The rebels? Here? Where is Serge? I'm begging you! Get away from here, quick! Go now! Do you have at least one company? Your Majesty, the artillery swore their allegiance, the guns are out. Your Majesty! The Grenadiers are outside. You'd better go back, Your Majesty. These are the mutineers. You're too late with your advice, General. Good morning, boys! Don't you recognize me? Your Majesty, a company of the First Preobrazhensky Regiment is here. But, through some misunderstanding, their rifles are not loaded. - Looking for somebody, Lieutenant? - For my company, Your Highness! In that case, we'll make way for you, go ahead. Open order! Open up from the center! Hurray for the constitution! Trubetskoy! Soldiers! Perhaps no one has ever seen me, or heard of me? Who remembers me? Who knows me? Tell me, soldiers, those who'd served with me don't remember either? Neither the Moscow Regiment men remember... Nor the Grenadiers... But if I remind you in what battles I was with you... in what campaigns... where we were freezing in the snow together? They probably don't understand to whom they should swear their oath. For our Tsar! For our Motherland! To the Tsar? Or to the Constitution? Though I don't know what it means... Who of you was with me at Kulm and Leipzig, Amstetten, Brienna, Prechampenoise and Krems, Bucharest, Obelesti, Lake Oberalt, at Tarutino, Vilna and Borodino? No one was? Thank God! There's not a single Russian soldier here. If there was at least one officer, or one soldier here, then you would know who Miloradovich is! There're only rookies here! Brawlers! Vagabonds! Scoundrels! You've shamed the name of the Russian soldier! The honor of the military man! You are a disgrace to Russia! You are criminals betraying your Tsar, your Motherland, and God Himself! What are you up to? What are you doing? On your knees before the lawful sovereign Nikolai Pavlovich! On your knees, boys! All of you! The general is wounded! Yes, Eugene. While sharing your views, we remain Loyal to the crown and our Tsar, whom we despise as a deceiver! Dear Serge, habit is everything for a Russian man. You said it yourself recently. Prince Trubetskoy, are you familiar with these sheets? Prince Sergey Petrovich! Answer me! Manifesto. "Save, O Lord, Your people, and bless Your heritage. Abolition of the former rule... Abolition of the right of ownership of human beings... Equality of all classes before the law..." The landowner, the merchant, the craftsman and the peasant - they all have equal rights? Was it you who wrote this? Please, try to remember. "The Russian people are not the belonging, nor the property of a person, or a family. The slavery of serfdom should be radically abolished." This is your handwriting. A revolution in Russia is as preposterous as a woman grenadier. Why does a European bourgeois take a dagger in his hand? To usurp the rights he doesn't have, to rob and pillage. Even if it's a society like the Mason loge, I visited them, too. A lot of noise, agitation and verbal determination. But once they return to their homes, all is quiet again. His Imperial Majesty the Tsar Alexander Pavlovich! We're getting old, Miloradovich. Russia needs new power, new energy. We live in the hard times, fields are sown poorly for the shortage of grain. Peasants' food is loathsome, there's no bread. They're being sold by the piece, their families broken, wives corrupted, maidens robbed of their virginity. And all this is done in the open! The oppressors have no fear! The gentry think they own the honor, property and life itself! Negroes on plantations are happier than our peasants. There are monsters who make peasant women breastfeed borzoi puppies. Any member of the gentry who opposes the act of liberation cannot but be called the enemy of the country. And the first and foremost enemy is the Emperor himself. I'm tired. I trust in God, for it is said: I boast when I feel my infirmity, then the Lord will strengthen me... Is that your hand? Yes, mine. What have you done? What on earth have you done? ! Prince Trubetskoy! Of such a noble family! Colonel of the Guards! What was going on in that head of yours... when you decided to link your name to that filth? Leave us! Your fate is going to be horrible. Horrible... Such a lovely wife. You've ruined your wife's life. O Lord... I could shoot you right away. Life would be a shame and punishment for you. Shoot me. Levashov! You're lucky, Sergey Petrovich, that you don't have children. Come what may! Don't be afraid, Mademoiselle, I've got a magic touch, we'll get through! Somehow or other! What the heck! By guess and by God! You intended to shoot the fortress's whole garrison, Mademoiselle? And all this because of Lieutenant Annenkov? By the way, you arrived just in time. Today your friend was taken out of the noose. Oh, my God! Wait! Where are you going? Wait! As you were! Calm down, the towel had gone loose, he was brought to his senses. You can't detain me. It's been two days since I left Moscow. Two days, Monsieur. You have no heart! The Russians have changed so much! As though the guillotine had been invented in Kostroma. In your country, all the mutineers would have been executed long ago. You're right, Monsieur! But they'd be entitled to have defense lawyers. A petition for a visit must be handed in to the investigation commission, then it will be submitted for the highest consideration. - Do you understand? - No. I could make it clear to you in Russian. Monsieur, you're so strong, and I'm so weak. And I have come as far as here. Can it be that you, so strong a man, will not help me, all alone in a strange country? That's all I've got left. It was given to me by my mother. Somehow or other! Take what comes! Troshka! Your Honour! Mademoiselle Pauline! The life of a cavalry guard's not long, Hence it's the sweetest in the world. The trumpet sounds, a bedspread thrown, And distant saber rattle heard. The guitar sings without fading, Yet the commander rushes forth. Don't ever promise to a maiden Eternal love on our earth. At last. Lieutenant, what are you doing here? Excuse me, Mademoiselle, but I'm at my home. What do you mean? Isn't that a coaching inn? It's no tragedy. You'll take a night's rest from that bug-infested place. I don't understand. Is that your house? This is my mother's estate. There's about 100 kg of silver here... I'm scared being alone with roaches... And crickets... And on Holy Day, so much wine and smoking. What will your mother say? Mother will have us flogged. There's not a soul in the house except this deaf woman. No one will disturb you here. In vain you try prolong the story Of peaceful games with laughter filled: You'll never come by a lasting glory Unless somebody's blood is spilled. The sweet sublime world notwithstanding, Anxiety knit your brow doth. Don't ever promise to a maiden Eternal love on our earth. Twenty kilometers on foot are a dubious pleasure. It's getting late. It would be more prudent to come back. Leave me alone! I insist on it! Oh? So if you don't love me... What are you going to do then? - I'll fight! - With whom? With anyone who dares to look at you! And if it's not only one man? I'll fight them all! You'll get killed, and it will serve you right! I love you like a madman! Thousands of Russians and your compatriots lost their lives here. There was war here in 1812. Who knows, maybe my uncle's remains lie in these parts, he was the jolliest man in the world. My uncle and my father served Bonaparte. Your father fought against Russia? No, he died in the Spanish Kingdom. I was orphaned when I was not yet nine. Stop it! These sounds have been giving me a shudder since I was a child. My father hated Bonaparte. Any royalist would've paid with his life for sympathy to the Bourbons. Though any revolution means blood, orphanhood and suffering. However, if there has been no shake-up in France, I would have never met you in Russia. Jean! I'll arrange for your escape. I'll bribe the soldiers, I'll put the officer to sleep or poison him. You'll go in hiding abroad. I can't, I must share the fate of my comrades. No, it's impossible! I've already prepared everything! I must share the fate of my comrades. So much the better. Fate has set everything straight and spared you the cruel lot of becoming the wife of a convict. You're insane! I would be happy to become the wife of an outcast if it could only alleviate your suffering. Is it true? God's servant loann plights his troth to God's servant Paraskeviya. Are you joining this holy wedlock of your good and unconstrained will? - Excuse me, what does it all mean? - What do you mean? We'll be right back. Mademoiselle Pauline! Can you explain what's going on? Look, even if I were dying of hunger, I wouldn't have married a bag of money. Have a safe journey, Mademoiselle. Goodbye! So you don't like me? Bravo, Lieutenant! At last you thought of such a trifle! You're too arrogant! I despise you! An arrogant and conceited brat! Oh, my God! What an idiot! - Leave me alone! Go away! - I don't believe you, Mademoiselle! Shut up! I hate you! Is it true? It's true, Jean, I want to be your wife. No one can suspect me of mercenary intentions now. Even those at the fashion house where I still work. Your purse, Mademoiselle. Listen... Listen, Jean... Thank you, Pauline. But I'm not worthy of your love. You will meet someone you'll love. You're going to be happy. Forget about me! Forget me forever! Jean! Jean, don't dare saying that! I'll never be happy without you! It's all over for me! Goodbye! I'll live in peace, and as the death angel cometh, I'll hold out my hands... Mademoiselle, it's dawn already. The mistress asks you to come in. She wasn't receiving you, because they dined all night. ...I want to save a place for a man to whom I'll be inseparably tied forever. Oh, my dear friend! What torments of grief my heart has experienced! Oh, my lord, that's the end, very soon my brother will be united in wedlock with Miss Clementine! Poor Henriette! What a lot for a maiden whose beauty adorns the Universe... I'm very sorry, Madame, but I must tell you that your son is imprisoned in a fortress. Mademoiselle is saying that His Excellency Ivan Alexandrovich is in a fortress. He must have gotten into debts again? Madame... Madame... His life is in danger. Listen to what he's written! "I don't even have a pin at hand, with which to put an end to my existence." Ivan Alexandrovich wants to kill himself. That will make our relatives so happy, they will get everything, scoundrels. Only you can afford to buy a foreign passport for your son. And I'll arrange everything else. Yes, the passport, the master must flee... My son? A fugitive? That will never be! Your answer is fit for the Romans, but their time has gone. Jean is a child. Ivan Alexandrovich is a little child. Some child, to have picked up that masonic pest from the French and wanting to marry a French woman. Aren't you that French woman? Strengthen us, O Lord, in our infirmity. I was pierced to the bottom of my heart. You should marry an English girl, not the Italian one. Don't make the choice that may dishonor Clementine. I've got a proud heart. I want you to remember me with affection. Neither the summer heat, nor the winter cold... Mother, it's... Mother, it's time for me to think of building a family. And my spirit was exalted... Who told you to come to Moscow? Mother, I've got a bride. Will you please hear me out? Well? . Have you found her in St. Petersburg? You saw her, but you probably don't remember. She works here, at the French fashion house. It was only I who knew you're a fool, now the whole Moscow will know. May your gracious hand heal me. Covering her delicate daughter with endless kisses, Marquise had moistened her with her tears. Mother, don't make me go to extremes. My intention is very well considered, I won't give up. Don't give up, you won't scare me. You may marry even a peasant girl. Are you depriving me of my inheritance? Clementine was fascinated by your handsomeness. I don't deserve you... - Mother, you mean you've cursed me? - Get out! You haven't given me your answer. Fyodor! Don't give horses to Ivan! Let him get out of here on his own! He takes after me, not like Grishka. At least I have somebody to leave the inheritance to. - Go and beg your mother... - Listen, Fyodor... Can one who's deprived of his inheritance be called a bag of money? Oh, no, master... Is it really so, master? Oh, God... That's the answer! Wait! Come on, catch her! What does it mean? ! Leave me alone! You abominable, dirty creatures! Leave me alone! Beasts! Don't be angry. You'll live here, you'll marry a general, and forget about my stupid son. You know how many diamonds you're wearing? They are worth a hundred thousand, or maybe even more. I'll be giving balls. Give back my dress. So finicky. Come on, Prince, it's not my intention to find you guilty. On the contrary, I'm giving you an opportunity to justify yourself. But my situation is unenviable when I'm not trusted. Meanwhile, I'm only the first citizen of our country. You took up arms against a friend of your cause and thus tied my intentions. From the high position I'm placed at, one cannot but see that even if any particular persons were guilty, there had also been some general reasons for indignation. A lot of people are involved. It's more important for me to know that, than whether someone's guilty. You have a wife, the daughter of Rayevsky. Your son was born recently. You may rest assured, Prince, your children are my children. If you promise to be Loyal to the crown, I'll be able to forgive you. Thank God, we thought something had happened to you. How is she? Did the doctor call? Calm down, Prince, the doctor was here. Though all was clear without him. - What was clear? - Fits of sickness are inevitable. God willing, we'll have a grandchild in winter. If you can, Sergey Grigorievich, please, don't leave me for long periods of time. We never spend time together. It's so strange, I don't know you at all. Levashov! Please. I can pardon you, Prince Sergey Grigorievich. That's the trouble that you can do anything, you're above the law. And I would like your subjects to be dependent on the law, and not on your will, caprices or momentary moods. Put him in irons! Incarcerate as a villain! He's a complete fool, that Prince! Or a liar and an utter scoundrel... There you go, little prince! There you go, Mikolushka! Mikolushka! That's a boy! Yegor! - Why is this door locked? - I was told to lock it for the night. Then unlock it. Yes, Your Excellency, we'll report it to Alexander Nikolayevich. Marie! Marie! What's the matter? Marie! Hiding the mail from me? I learn about the winter troubles from hearsay. Not a single letter from Sergey. And now this house arrest! What are you talking about, Marie? The prince is probably at the Turkish border. Father will come and tell us. Father is in St. Petersburg, not in Bessarabia. I'm tired, Alexander. Since the first days of this awful year I've been so depressed, and you're indulging me with some inventions. It doesn't befit our friendship. It's even cruel. Please, understand, no torture can be worse than uncertainty. If you don't tell me now where Sergey is, I'm going to St. Petersburg. And you know me, I don't waste words. Sergey Grigorievich... how shall I put it... What happened to him? Well, all right... He has been sent to St. Petersburg. You see... Say it! He took part in the antigovernment conspiracy. Thank you! - How shall I announce you? - Colonel Pestel. Come on in, be so kind. Please accept our deepest apologies for intruding at such a late hour. - Something happened? - We have to be in Uman by morning. Allow me to introduce Prince Yablonovsky and Mr. Grodetsky. - You'd better spend the night here. - It's out of the question, Prince. We must go to Warsaw immediately. The Polish Society is waiting for our answer. Just married and now back to my regiment? There may be not another such opportunity for a year or longer. When and where? Tomorrow in Uman, at your apartment at 1 p.m. All right, I'll be there. Thank you. I knew I could rely on you. Marie! Thank you! Are you glad? There's no such awful thing Volkonsky hadn't been involved in. He has a fortress in store for him, or even more horrible... hard labor. The most horrible is behind us. Now he will need me. The night of July 12-13, 1826. These state criminals condemned to political death, upon being deprived of ranks, orders and the status of nobility, are to be exiled to hard labor according to the categories. Lieutenant Annenkov! Stop it! - What is it? - It hasn't been cut out right! Proposed to deprive the Emperor and his Imperial family of freedom when seizing the palace. Directed the Northern secret society which plotted mutiny. Agreed to be named the head and ringleader of the army revolt, though did not participate in it personally. Who could know there'd be such a delay with logs. - And what's the problem? - The cart broke down on the way. Come on, men... Let's take it down together. We must do it together. The ropes are too short! Such a bad luck... What happened? Bring him here right away! What have you been sent to Russia for? You have no executions anymore. Where did your Swedish brains look? We'll have to wait, Your Excellency. Mouzhik do mistakes. Poles not deep. Bring benches, quick! What a miserable empire! They can't even hang people properly. Bring the Commandant to His Excellency! If we don't act, we'll deserve to be called scoundrels. That I would consider a failure! We must only start, this is in our power. Military bravery and political foolhardiness are not the same thing. In the present circumstances, an uprising means death! Yes, we will die, but we'll set an example for the others. ...To put to death Pavel Pestel, Kondraty Ryleyev, Sergey Muraviev-Apostol, Mikhail Bestuzhev-Ryumin and Pyotr Kakhovsky, as determined by the court verdict. For their heinous deeds, these criminals are to be hanged. What day is today? O Lord, stretch forth Thine hand on Your servants. Pardon their transgressions, deliver their souls, O Lord, in Your realm! Give me your hand. Listen... does my heart beat faster? Give my husband back to me! Give my husband back to me! Don't make him perish! Nastenka! Beg father! Beg him, Nastenka! Beg him for yourself and for me! Our Lord, Jesus Christ, who has left His commandments to His disciples and apostles... Where's the Commandant? Your Excellency, a message from His Majesty! His Highness summons you to his side! Hangman! Oprichnik! Take off your aiguillettes! Strangle us with your aiguillettes! They may be more durable! Yes, Your Excellency! Have you come here to watch us dying, General? You can make your Tsar happy, his wish has come true: we're dying in torments. Hurry up, hang them! The ropes are no good! We should send for the new ones. I'm dying in torments! But I'm happy that I'm dying twice for my Fatherland! Ones who broke loose were pardoned in Russia. Shall we inform the Tsar? . Hang them! Pardon them who hate us and hurt us, for not one of them will perish for us... O Lord, You Savior of all through Your mercy, all-generous God, the Savior of all through Your mercy! O Lord, all-generous God! Your Majesty! Your Majesty! It's done, Your Majesty! We pay our particular attention to the situation of the families from which, by a criminal action, their fallen sons had been torn away. Blood ties pass on to the descendants the glory of their ancestors' deeds, but never hold them up to disgrace for personal vices or crimes. No one. No one shall ever dare find fault for the blood relationship. This is prohibited by the civil law, to say nothing of the Christian law. What were you trying to tell me? There's a pretty venomous opinion going the rounds, Your Majesty. The cobbler in Europe rebels, because he seeks wealth and high standing. And what on earth do our revolutionaries of noble birth want? They must be dreaming of becoming cobblers. Gen. Rayevsky shall be made a member of the State Council as a Senator. Tell me, Prince, what's your response to the whim of my daughter? You must tell Maria that you're rejecting her sacrifice. Write about the hardships she'll experience if she follows you. The letter must dispel her illusions, she'll lose hope and calm down. You mean... You mean she'll forget me? Petersburg, Petersburg, Petersburg, Chernigov... Will you repeat it, please? Of course, to Princess Yekaterina Trubetskaya, English Embankment... He hasn't gone a hundred miles yet, and already the third letter. Prince Sergey, be a man, be a Christian. You've ruined her life, at least don't become her murderer! She has a frail health, she won't endure the horror of the journey. Prince Sergey, don't be an egotist! Your responsibility as father and husband... Wasn't it your intention to abolish the autocracy? And to replace the monarch with the conspirators? Who told you all that? If we are destined to be successful, the Society's members will immediately withdraw from political life. Wait, Prince, you subject yourself cold-bloodedly to the danger of dishonor, shame, maybe even losing your life. And if you're successful? No reward for the risk? All we could hope for is that our descendants remember us well. And had my participation in the Society's cause stood in the way of my happy family life, I would rather, albeit grudgingly, have renounced that happiness than betrayed my convictions and duty. Oh, gracious God! How could you go to the altar with such a sin in your heart? Good night. I'll do everything as you ask. Goodbye. May God save you. I'm so sorry... May God save you, martyrs to the truth! It's 2,000 versts to Yekaterinburg. Oh, my goodness! About 7,000 to Irkutsk. Unbelievable! And 800 more to Nerchinsk... Yes, Princess. Byron. Plutarch. I understand your feelings, Princess. But in such matters I'm obliged to follow the established regulations. Of course, Your Majesty. Count Orlov's seamstress was allowed to follow her convicted husband to Siberia. Have you been inspired by a common woman's act? The seamstress was not losing much, whereas you... The law cannot deprive a noble woman of what's allowed to a commoner. By insisting on the rights of commoners, a woman of noble birth may reduce herself to... Everything is ready, Count! Catherine, my poor child! To flee the French Revolution, only to give your daughter to a conspirator! Support us, o Lord, in well-being and prosperity... Save, Lord, thy servant... Yes, Princess. Let's go, with God's help! Mommy, let's go! Let's go, mommy! Mommy, let's go! Wait. Your Majesty! Wait! Will you please speak Russian? I don't speak Russian. Come closer. - What would you like? - Hear me out, Sire! Your Majesty, as a special favour, please allow me to join Lieutenant Annenkov in his exile. Is he your husband? I would have wedded him if I wished to transgress the bounds of propriety. I've decided on that daring act after learning that Russian women who wished to follow their husbands found compassion in you. But this is not your country, Madame! I'll renounce my country. Take her petition. Your Majesty! Stop, I beg you! Europe talks about your mercifulness to the families of the wretched men. A prophet is not without honor, except in his own country. Europe didn't doubt my heart. I'll give you the answer in 3 days. To own serfs, to revel in luxury, and to consider oneself free? For heaven's sake, gentlemen! Will the life of our gentry forever stagnate from corruption and idleness? Isn't that ignominy going to arouse shame and disgust in us? What will you say, Lieutenant? I'm ashamed of the class I belong to. I'm a slave, just like my mother's house serfs. The only difference is that I'm conscious of my enslavement. Natalie, baby, where are you going? Fedya! Fedya! Fedya! Sometimes I even treated my old servant who adored me in the manner of a true son of my mother. Where were you hiding, Fedya? All right, I'm forgiving you this time. Thank you very much, sir. The other day your mother bought 100 yards of fabric for a dress. Don't talk rubbish. And it's not the first time. As soon as there's an expensive fabric on sale, she buys it all, so that in all Moscow, and not only in Moscow, in all Russia, only she had a dress like that. Ivan! Oh, Our Lady in Heaven, save Vanechka from trouble! Brush it up. Stop jerking the comb! Let me see. All right, leave that lock there. I'm sick and tired of you, Ivan. The last time you killed someone in a duel, now you've lost 60 thousand. Tomorrow morning you're going to St. Petersburg. I'm not giving you any cash. You'll be fed by Fedka on your way. I myself will pay your debt. Don't dare meet your brother. Come on, kiss my hand! And don't dare coming to me in Moscow without my permission! Sir Roland squeezed her hand... Oh God, the same pleasantness, the same loveliness on that dear face. "Don't squeeze my hand so, Sir Roland," I interrupted his speech. "You will sadden me if you make me repeat..." Mademoiselle Pauline! Champagne is poured in a flow, And misty view somewhat obscured, With everything, just take and go, With everything as if for good. A wooden cross it'll be, or leaden, With which to death we're betrothed. Don't ever promise to a maiden Eternal love on our earth. Only inequality stood between me and her. You may not believe me, Sire, but my arrest had even made me happy. The barrier that stood in the way of our union with her has disappeared. At last I'm stripped of all rights, of my fortune, of my status of gentry. Wait! Stand back! I would gladly pardon you, Cavalry Guard. Only tell me, since you knew of the conspiracy, why didn't you report it? Did you hear the question? Answer it! Well? . It's not honourable to report on your comrades. What do you know about honour? ! - Do you know what you deserve? - Death, Sire. Do you expect to be shot? And cut an interesting figure? No. I'll make you rot in prison. What are you doing? ! What's on your mind? And you, why didn't you watch him? What for? I'm not going to live. - Faster! - We can't go faster than that... Hurry up, please! Quick! Go! We need to change horses, and where can we get new ones? - Here. - Thank you very much. Somehow or other. Come what may! Faster! We'll get you there! Jean! Jean! Wait! Stop! Jean! Jean! Don't leave! The Emperor's answer! - How long will we stay here? - I guess we can fix it in a week. Seven days? ! It's been badly broken, Your Excellency, we rode like crazy! We'll have to travel by relay horses. - But it means a springless cart. - Other people use it. People? Only mouzhiks and convicts. - Did they carry them on carts? - Sure thing. God will help us. What's the matter, Charles? Madame, think about your parents! I promised them that we return if the journey is dangerous. I'm in despair! Why didn't I convince you to spend the night in Tomsk? I've seen a wolf! Princess Yekaterina Ivanovna has ordered to take you to Tomsk. I've got the money for our journey to St. Petersburg and your salary. She took her carefully and brought her home, made a little nest, just like for Mikola Sergeyevich, put Katechka in there and went to the woods to pick mushrooms... "I'm always under surveillance, even more strict than in a fortress. You must obey your sense of responsibility. You're a mother and a daughter. I'm ready to sacrifice everything, if only it will give you peace. My precious friend Marie! Whatever you may decide, and even if this decision will deprive me of the hope of ever seeing you, that sorrow of mine will be alleviated by the belief that you fully partake of my plight and that your decision was caused by the cruel circumstances." I don't believe it! I'll never reproach you for anything. Darling Sergey! Nikolai Pavlovich questioned me at some length about the prince. Of course, I tried to vindicate Sergey as well as I could. But it was impossible to belittle the prince's guilt. The Tsar even said that Volkonsky is unworthy of our sympathy. I wouldn't have stopped to extirpate my respect for him and consider my daughter's obligations annulled. But I understand her: nothing is worse than eternal separation from him. Don't worry, father. I have no other troubles except those that concern Sergey. I guess one has to have a stronger willpower, not to devote oneself to those who need it. I know I will be able to endure anything being beside Sergey. You want to bury yourself alive? In the name of what? Volkonsky is a conspirator! Your foremost duty now is your son! You're going to kill your son! Enough! Only a year ago you were persuading me of my fiance's virtues. And today you deny me a consolation. I want you to know that I love my husband. And I expect from you at least a little compassion. You're deceiving yourself. You don't feel anything for him. I guess it's the Volkonsky women's letters that speak for her. Oh, God... And first of all, his mother's, who'd gone out of her mind long ago. They convinced her she's a heroine, and she tortures herself like a fool. Look, Masha, if I knew that you were going there for love, that your delusion would not dissipate, I would have agreed to bury you alive. I would've wept over you with tears of blood and let you go, nonetheless. I can use my power to stop you. But, please, stop yourself! Coming to your senses in Siberia would be a tragedy for you. Have pity for your father, Marie! Masha! Princess Yekaterina Ivanovna! Welcome! You're the last person I expected to see in this house. Governor Tsejdler at your service. Please, have a seat. Allow me to remain standing. I understand. It's no laughing matter: so many versts on our bad roads. - Pafnuti! - Yes, I know, Your Excellency! Could you tell me... why I was not given horses? There must be none. It's strange, because the postmaster pleaded some ban. Yes, yes, yes... Excuse me. You see, I must inform you about something. If you wish to proceed to Nerchinsk, I'm obliged to inform you of the measures to be applied to you. If I wish? You think I've gone all that way just to meet you here? Nevertheless, you'll have to hear me out. Are you aware that all this will have to be sent back? Nor are you allowed to take with you any sums of money or valuable things. But that is not all. Your right to own serfs will be revoked as soon as you move beyond Irkutsk. So your servants will not go with you. All right, they won't. I suspect, Princess, that you... You have no idea of what your life at the mines is going to be like. You will live there like the poorest peasant. Really? The huts are dirty, stinking, full of insects. Your food will be bread and kvass. I hate to mention the climate: it's horrible, it'll be pernicious for you. But I'll be there with my husband. You're right. But don't forget, Princess, that your husband is in prison. You'll be allowed rare visits, once a week, no more, for one hour in a convicts' room, with an officer present. I see... one hour... an officer... present... Please, order them to give me horses! Have you fully realized that all the rest time you'll be alone among the savage population? In the barracks you'll be surrounded by 5,000 branded convicts belonging to the most corrupt and despicable class. But the mines must be managed by someone? The management won't be able to protect you from insults which may even come to violence. Aren't they punished there for crimes? Princess, hardened villains fear no punishment. They will even deem it right to consider you their equal, as the wife of a criminal sharing their lot. Excuse me, Your Excellency, the samovar is boiling. Would you like some tea, Princess Yekaterina Ivanovna? This beverage is indispensable here. God will help me. Will you tell them to give me horses? Please! As you wish, Princess. Written here is everything I've warned you about. Your signature will mean you'll submit to all those measures. Now can you send me on my way as soon as possible? I'm sorry, Princess, but this paper has to go to St. Petersburg for His Imperial Majesty's consideration. By courier. How long am I supposed to wait, General? A month one way, a month back. And how long it will take the Tsar to look into it and give his answer... that, as you may understand, does not depend on me. Will you wait? Or prefer to go back home? Oh, God! Don't torture yourself, Princess Yekaterina Ivanovna. You're pure before God. Where are you going, Madame? Have pity! We were told not to let you in! Don't you hear? Have mercy! I didn't think I would ever enter your house again. However, before going to Siberia, I want to give you an opportunity to regain your son's favour. Madame has learned that her son, Grigory, was killed in a duel. Oh, my God... Wait. Get out. I see you're not of the weak kind, Mademoiselle. But it's hard for a foreign woman to take a journey to Siberia. Don't go. I'll buy you a house in Moscow. You'll have everything. Only don't leave. As soon as I'm dead, our relatives will take possession of everything here. My son is young. It won't be too hard for him. His mother needs you much more. It's impossible. I know how scrupulous you are. Take it, it will come handy in Siberia. Give your support to Ivan. I'm surrounded by monsters here. The moment you leave, they'll poison me. I'll pray for you! Ivan doesn't deserve such a beauty. Sure thing, dear mistress... He doesn't deserve her, mistress, a rake what he is... Hold your tongue! Thank you most humbly. She must pray and pray for Vanechka, that French trash! As for taking your son with you... As for taking your son with you... Mommy! ...It can't be permitted... can't be permitted... Mommy! All my prayers are about my son, Our Lady Mother of God! I already love the child who hasn't been born yet. I would sooner feel affection for my husband when I see his likeness in a child, his flesh and blood. Help me, O Lord, help me... To admit these feelings for the father of my future child... It's a sin! A sin! - Have you delivered mail? - Just as you said, sir. - Is Masha in her room? - She went up to the children's room. Did you call me, father? I was playing in the garden. Sit down, Masha. Prince Sergey Grigorievich Volkonsky asks for your hand. The prince is a fine man, from a good family. I'm sure you'll be happy with him. I gave him my consent and I hope you'll do likewise. - But, father, I don't know him. - The wedding's in a month. Now go. My son is happy. My husband is unhappy. My place is beside my husband. Marie! What will happen to father, Marie? What have we done to deserve all this? I will curse you, if you don't come back in a year. Come back soon! We all will be waiting for you, Masha! She has shed not one tear. She's the most remarkable woman I've ever known. Why not retire and enjoy the family life, raising children? Dear Serge! I haven't seen the Emperor for a while, and I must admit that my feelings toward him have changed. Should you see him, tell him the princess remembers him. You got more cheerful, dear cousin. When you arrived in Italy, you looked so sad. Russian women don't like to travel. The Russian woman's attachment to her home is unequaled. The hot springs of Italy did you a lot of good. You won't believe me, but the doctor has been so reassuring. If we're to believe him, it won't be a year before I can give Sergey a little angel. I'll pray for you. ...Tomorrow, my dear guest, you must hear his opera. Did you want to see me? Here I am! - I hope I didn't disturb you? - No, I've finished already. Don't forget: tonight we're invited to the duchess. Why sit here for no purpose? He is not at home! Whenever His Excellency gets ill, he stays at his doctor's. Getting all kinds of rubbings-in and poultices. He can't travel after that. He must be staying overnight there, or he would've been here already. You shouldn't have waited, Your Excellency, it's night already. Montesquieu. "Persian Letters". I would have brought it to you. Please! Too bad I couldn't receive you again. I'm not well, I only got up because of an urgent matter. Besides, as you know, the Emperor's answer hasn't yet... All right... all right... I have no good news for you, Princess. If I'm not mistaken, this is your tenth visit here, isn't it? Excuse me, the eleventh. You see? . Where's my letter, General? Where's the paper I signed? - Couldn't the answer get mislaid? - Oh, no, the courier... You see? God knows I didn't want to bother the Empress. Pafnuti! - The paper? - Waiting, as you said. Send it this week. No, next week. Shall I send it on Tuesday? Friday. Friday will be just right. It will be just right on Friday. Yes, yes, yes... Friday is just right. Or take the varieties of Little Russia... Or rennet, for example... This was planted exactly in the year that Masha was born. What did my sister's nail mark here? It's better to doubt nobility than virtuousness. A coal-miner's wife deserves more respect than a prince's mistress. How did you like the prince? You aren't matchmaking for me, dear brother, or are you? Well, Prince Volkonsky is one of the best eligible bachelors in Russia. Maybe I'd better wait for a more modest suitor. Why hurry? I'd sooner run away than become the wife of a titled dandy. Grief's constant sister... Grief's constant sister... Hope is high... Hope... Hope... Hope. Doesn't he love his Fatherland who makes sacrifices for his convictions, who is ready to mount the scaffold for them? Doesn't he command respect for the only reason that he ventured a new cause before its time came? Let's go, Your Excellency. Get in, be so kind. Your Excellency! I was ordered to overtake Your Excellency. A message from St. Petersburg. Will you read it, please? The wife of a state criminal is not to leave the place of exile before her husband dies. Even after his death, the government takes no obligation to permit the widows of criminals to return to Russia. Thank you. Now tell me, how far is Yekaterinburg? Two hundred versts, Your Excellency. How come, Your Excellency? Wait, I'll announce you. But I don't know if he'll receive you. Dear sir, you have received the answer last week. Stop your evasions! You know about the letter as well as I do. Really, Princess? But I haven't read it yet. Too bad, I didn't have the time. Then read it, dear sir! Certainly I will read it. But I receive a lot of mail from His Majesty which concerns not only you. - Maybe in a week... - Sir! You've been keeping me waiting for almost six months! Well, as you wish. Pafnuti! You may read it. At least read what's required of you. I don't care, and you know it. You're wrong. You're very wrong, Princess. A wife, following her husband, will share his fate and lose her former title of any rank, that is, will be recognized as no other than an exiled convict's wife. At the same time, she agrees to take any distress that such a position may involve, namely: children that may be begotten in Siberia will be enlisted as factory peasants... with no right of inheriting either the property or name of their father, for they will be registered as serfs. You shouldn't have tortured yourself so. Had you listened to me in the first place, you would've been home now. And your parents wouldn't have pined for their daughter. Is that all? Can I go to my husband now? Be so kind as to make arrangements for the horses. Have you ever seen convicts in irons? Answer me! Why are you shouting? Who gave you that right? You gave it to me! You're the wife of an exiled convict. You yourself will be sent to Nerchinsk as a convict. With your hands and feet in irons. You will go with a group of convicts under convoy. You will be tied up with the rest, as villains are, so that... they don't escape. And one more thing: out of 500 men we send under convoy, no more than a third get to Nerchinsk alive. Well? Are you still willing? I don't care, I just want to go. Tell them to bring irons. You will go, you will go... I don't want to, I can't torture you anymore. I'm sorry, Princess. I had been pressured to dissuade you by all possible means. I just tried to scare you. I'll give you the horses, and may God save you. The winter of 1826-1827 dragged on and on at the Blagodatsk mine. No, no, let's go there. You don't deserve the leniency you're accorded. Leniency? Using you in the works is a leniency to your sin. You must prove your obedience by modesty and good behaviour. I'm not well, and you know it, my good man. Did you come here to take treatments? Stand up when you're spoken to! There, we're awake. My dear Alyonka is awake! Now we'll eat, we'll eat... My Goodness! Your cheeks have frozen! Now, have patience, mistress. At last we're in the Promised Land. Halt! Where are you going? No one is to go in here. Is Prince Volkonsky kept here? There're no princes here, only convicts. I have covered 7,000 versts to see my husband. Run fast! I pray the commandant wouldn't come here. Oh, God! Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! A year later. Spring, 1828... Do you, Praskovya, take this loann, whom you see in front of you, as your husband, of your good and unconstrained will and firm conviction? Mademoiselle Gebl, do you take Jean to be your husband? Yes! Come what may! My congratulations, Madame! Hurry up! Where are you taking him, the poor man? I forgot to tell you... I want you to know... Stand back! How dare you speak not Russian? I don't understand... You pledged yourself to speak only Russian! Stand back! Are you deaf or what? Don't dare! I'll kill you! Don't dare! Don't dare touch her! Scoundrels! Bastards! Onward, the Fatherland's sons! Shut up! Our hour of glory is coming! We're against tyranny! I told you, shut up! It does you no honour. Restrain your heroes, General. Stop it! Madame, tell me everything you wanted to say and I'll pass it on to your husband in the language which is prescribed. I wanted to say, General, that I'm very happy. Your wife asked me to tell you that she's absolutely happy. Go! The End (HELICOPTER HOVERING) Here! No! (DOOR OPENS) GREG: Jeannie? Jeannie! I was wrong, Jeannie. I thought you were the kind that survived just to spite me. (ENGINE STARTING) (GASPS) Oh! (COUGHING) You have to help me, please! (SOBBING) I can't do anything by myself. The tractor went over, he's pinned underneath and I can't get him free. Come with me, please. Please! -Where is he? -At the quarry. I tried to pull him free but I couldn't move him. It's on top of his legs. He's in terrible pain. You'd better get in. What happened exactly? We'd unhitched the trailer and he was turning the tractor. Went over on its side. -He's unconscious. -That's probably just as well. It's lifting clear. Yeah, but I need another couple of inches. Put your arms underneath his shoulders and just try and gently ease him out. Just pull him gently. Here we are. (PANTING) ANNE: Can we get him to the hut? Well, we'll just have to. Just grab hold of his feet. As gentle as you can. All right. Have you got some sort of drug amongst this lot? Some kind of painkiller? Have you got some brandy, then? Whisky? In the trailer. We got some on the last trip. Yeah, would you get it? 'Cause he'll need something. He's gonna be in a lot of pain. And scissors? You got any scissors? (BOTTLE BREAKS) Is it very bad? Yeah, well, legs are broken, bones smashed. God knows what we'll do about it. Splints or something. Well, you bind on splints, don't you? I don't know anything about first aid. Well, he's needs a damn sight more than first aid. I mean, his bones have got to be reset. Properly. And I don't know how to do it. Do you? Well, whatever we're gonna do, we better do it while he's still unconscious. Because when he wakes up, he's gonna be in agony. I could do with some of this myself. -There are some cups somewhere. -Oh, it doesn't matter. Your family dead? My father. Roger, my brother. I had two days when I felt awful. Daddy had sent the servants away, so there was nobody. Then I felt a bit better and got downstairs. Can you open this? It's a bit tight. Do you know, I'd never seen a dead person before. (COUGHS) (GIGGLES) It's warm. Champagne's disgusting when it's warm. How about you? My wife died. I'm sorry. -Were you with her? -No, I was in Holland. Well, I'm an engineer. I was working on land reclamation. -Was it bad there? -Well, it was slow at first. Just a few people sick, we all thought it was some kind of influenza bug, but then people started dying, and all in a rush, I mean, hundreds of them. Nothing happened to me. I was all right. Same for him. He wasn't touched by it. He told me everybody he knew had died, and he wasn't even touched by it. -How did you get back? -Company helicopter. Rotterdam was burning, just miles and miles of fire. Oil tanks going off like bombs. Oh, I'd never seen anything like it in my life. And I came down the coast as far as Calais and... All the way down I saw nothing, no people, no traffic. When I stopped at Ostend to get some fuel, that was the only place that I saw anybody. Just a man and two children. I tried to talk to them but they just kept moving away, wouldn't let me near them. Well, I suppose they thought I was carrying the disease. Then I waited for a day and a night for the weather to calm down. Then I came across the Channel. Where were you going when I stopped you? Nowhere. Just driving. (GROANING) Now, well, if we're gonna do something about putting splints on him, I suppose we'd better make a start. (ENGINE STARTING) (HORN HONKING) (HONKING CONTINUES) (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) What do you want? Keep away from this car, it's mine. You're the first person I've seen. The first one for days! Yeah. Well, I've seen people. They haven't seen me, though. I'm keeping away from them. I don't want their germs, see. And that goes for you. Clear off. Just clear off! I've seen you before. You were on the hill. You had a sort of shelter. -I talked to you! -Oh, I remember. Yeah. Well, it's like I told you then. Stay away from people, you'll be all right. Just keep away from everybody until the doctors clear it up. For pity's sake! Don't you understand? There aren't any doctors. They died along with everybody else. There isn't anybody left to get it cleared up! That's only here! The Yanks have something, don't worry. In the war, they gave us the stuff then. The Yanks'll fix us up. Don't worry. Take me with you. (CAR STARTING) I don't want to be by myself any more. Please! Please! (GROANING) (SCREAMING) That's about as much as I can do. God knows if it's gonna do you any good. It hurts like hell! Yeah, I know it does. I'm sorry. I just don't see what else I can do. You need proper attention. (PANTING) You want one of these? Is he going to get better? I don't know. Unless the bones are set properly, he'll be crippled for life. He might be able to get around on crutches or something. I just don't know. It's going to be like this from now on, isn't it? -Like what? -Accidents! Even little things. A bad cut, burns. Almost anything, they'll be really serious. God help us if we get something as simple as toothache. -How long do you think? -Mmm? I mean, how long before things start to get back to normal. Normal? Never. Not in our or several other lifetimes. That's what he thinks, too. It's gonna be very tough. I suppose it could be. For some. What do you mean? There's an abundance of everything. Living may not be gracious, but it can be comfortable. One way or another, I'm gonna make damn sure I get my full share of everything that's going. ABBY: Anybody there? Hello? Who's there? ARTHUR: Stay where you are. -What do you want? -I saw the lights. -You're on your own? -Yes. I saw the lights and I thought there might be somebody up here. -I just came to see. -You're not sick? -Not got the sickness? -No. I was. I did have the disease but I'm all right. ARTHUR: No. Stand where you are. Now, what do you want? Look, I told you. I saw the lights. God knows, there are few enough of us left. I haven't seen or spoken to anyone for the best part of a week. -Look, if you want me to go, I'll go. -Sure you're on your own? Oh, for God's sake! Just let me get in my car and I'll go. All right, Dave. Switch the lights on. I'm sorry about that. Can't be too careful. Had a little trouble earlier. Well, will you come in? I don't want my battery to go flat. Will you turn off the lights? It's all right, Dave. Nobody with her. Oh, uh, this is Dave. Dave Long. -Hello. -Hi. -Arthur Wormley. -Abby Grant. Well, I'll take your coat. Well, come on through. We're in the kitchen. We were just preparing something to eat when we heard your car. Come on through. (POT BUBBLING) -Well, this is nice. Everything working? -Oh, yes. Stoves works off cylinder gas. Generator for the electricity. There's even water, pumped up out of the well. You're very lucky. Yes, yes. There can't be many places that are totally independent of outside services. Oh, uh, would you like a drink? We've got almost everything. I'd love one. Vodka? Yeah. Dave. Anything with it? Bitter lemon, tonic? Tonic, please. Ice? (CHUCKLING) Yes, please. It all seems so normal. Well, that's it, isn't it? That's it. That's all we got to get back to, quick as we can. Back to normal. Oh, you'll stay and have something to eat? We're not the greatest cooks in the world but you're welcome to anything we've got. Thank you. I'll just have a look at the stove. -Thank you. -It won't be too long. Thanks, Dave. Now... Cheers. Cheers. I'm sorry. It's just that I have seen you before. I'm sure we've never met but I've seen you before. Well, it's likely. My picture's been in the papers enough times. Arthur Wormley, of course. The union man. Chairman, wasn't it? Well, national president. I was. There's nothing to be president of. Well, not at the moment, anyway. You must have been in close contact with government circles. I mean, you must have been quite well informed when all this started. Oh, just at the beginning. Of course, they'd called an emergency meeting. But everything happened so fast. They issued some orders to the army, put up roadblocks, stopped people leaving the cities, but it's damn silly, really. Finally they had to declare martial law, which meant that under certain circumstances the authorities could open fire to protect property or life. That's awful. Well, did it happen? Was there shooting? Oh, I think so, during the first panic weeks. After that, there weren't enough fit people to carry out the orders. (CHUCKLES) Well, come to that, there weren't enough people moving about to cause trouble. So, there's no authority now. Nothing? Well, not as such. Not yet. But there will be. There's armed people moving around all over the country. Aimless. Lost. They'll make contact with each other. Start forming into groups. Somebody's got to unite those groups. Bring them under central control. They'll want leadership, guidance. They'll want somebody in authority. Now, under the circumstances, it's up to somebody to assume that responsibility. It's up to somebody to take the power to lead. I'm not a church-going man. Never one for religion. I think God might have spared me to help those of us that are left. That's my skill. That's my talent. Organisation. I think it's about ready. Oh, good, good. I'm starving. Well, bring it out then, Dave. That looks marvellous. Out of the deep freeze. There must be enough for 10 there. Would you like to wash up in the cloak room while we get this out? -Oh, yes please. -Okay. I'll show you where it is. -Second door on the left. -Thank you. Carve as much as we need, Dave, and take the rest out to them. We'll have to get some more beds tomorrow. There are plenty in the warehouse where we got that one. We'll just have to make do for tonight. There are plenty of blankets and pillows. I'll make out a list in the morning. Books. I'd like to get a lot of books. It's going to be a long, dull winter with just the three of us. Yeah, well. Look, Anne... You two have got things pretty well set up here. -Yes, it's not bad. -But it's just... Vic chose it. He said it was isolated and easy to defend. He was going to bring some more of these portable huts down here on the trailer, so we'd have some storage space. (GROANING) Do you think you could get the tractor back on its wheels? -Yeah, I expect so. -Good. Vic said we should go out every day and get things. Right through the winter if needs be. He said we should collect everything we could lay hands on. -Yeah, that's a good idea. -Yes. Then later on, we might be able to find some people who'd be willing to work for us. They could grow vegetables and things like that. And we could pay them with food, goods, clothing. Things like that. -Was that Vic's idea, too? -No, I thought of that. I don't think we're going to be too badly off. You see, from now on money isn't going to mean anything. The rich will be the ones who've got things I'm sure there'll be plenty of people who'd be glad to work for a good meal or a warm coat or something. Oh, yeah. They'll be queuing up. Yes. In those terms, I'm sure we'll be quite well-to-do. I going to have to get some sleep. There's some blankets over there somewhere. Yes, I went to the school. But the master had taken some of the boys away. Peter was one of them. I don't know where they went. Well, I hope you find him. We'll need all the youngsters. I might be able to help you later. Oh, there must be a lot of people that had got separated. As we contact the survivors, I hope to make a list of their names. Where they're going, what they're doing. I want to make this a sort of a clearing centre for information. It's a marvellous idea. It's something that'll be badly needed. Well, we have to do what we can. Now, what about you? What about your plans? Well, finding Peter is the most important thing, of course. But at the same time, I'm looking for a place. Somewhere to start a home. A farm. A settlement, really. You see, I think, we're going to have to start again. Right from the beginning. We're going to have to relearn all the old crafts. Oh, I don't just mean growing food, and God knows, that's going to be hard enough. But all the other things that we've forgotten. Aren't you going to use anything that's left over? Well, of course I will. I'll have to. But the aim is to become more and more self-reliant. To depend less on what's been left behind. You're not making it easy for yourself, are you? I mean, I agree with you about growing food, but the hardware of civilisation will last for a long time yet. Of course it will. But not forever. Don't you see the point we'd reached in our civilisation? Now, look around you. Anywhere you like. In this house, in this room. I doubt if it contains a single artefact that was the exclusive creation of one person. Well, this table. This simple wooden table. Well, I'm no carpenter, but I reckon I could knock up something like this. Right from scratch? You'd fell the timber? With what? An axe or a saw. The steel for the saw has been made in a foundry, the iron ore has been dug from the ground, and the fuel to smelt it with has been mined. Now, what happens when the last axe head cracks and the last saw breaks? This simple metal knife is the product of hundreds of people in dozens of different trades. And take anything else you like, anywhere you like, and the same will be true of it. How do you make a cup? A piece of paper? Glass? Our civilisation had the technology to land a man on the moon. But as individuals we don't even have the skill to make an iron spearhead. We are less practical than Iron Age man. (CHUCKLES) I'm sorry. It's just that I've thought about it a lot. And with nobody to talk to, I haven't been able to say it out loud. No, I'm glad you did. You've thought about more deeply than I have so far. And I'm sure that you're right. You won't be able to start this settlement on your own. No. But I'm hoping there'll be other people who'll think the same way. Oh, there will. It's a first-class idea. And when you start at this commune of yours... -Well, that's where I can help. -In what way? By making sure that you can get on with it without being interfered with by outsiders. By bringing some law and order. We've got to back to the rudiments of government. Yours won't be the only settlement. I should have thought it would have been a long time before we needed any sort of national administration. Oh, believe me, it can't be too soon. We've already started in a little way. Locating food dumps. Making sure that everything is shared out. So one man doesn't corner the market. If the distribution is handled from here, nobody will go without. I'll make sure of that. Oh, the beginnings will be small. Perhaps just this area. But as we grow stronger, we'll spread out, expand. That's how the old feudal barons operated, wasn't it? Perhaps. But it's the way that ultimately led to the finest democratic system in the world. I suppose. It's just that I hadn't seen a political system as being one of our priorities. Well, that's where you're wrong. There's little groups forming already, trying to take over. I told you earlier we'd had a spot of trouble. Started the day we took this place over. It's not your house? No. We needed a headquarters. That evening, a rat pack of toughs came marching up, led by an ex-army chap. Called himself a colonel. Said they were a vigilante force of citizens. I offered them to join up. It couldn't have been fairer. Do you know what these army chaps are? They won't let go one scrap of authority they've managed to grab. He started raiding. The last attack came just before you... You arrived. I gave them a taste of their own medicine. They won't be back in a hurry. Anyway, that's all over now. Would you like a brandy? No. No, thank you. Well, uh, you're going to go on tonight or would you like a bed here? There's plenty of room. You must be tired with all that time on the road. There is one thing I'd appreciate. I noticed you had hot water. A bath would be the greatest luxury that I can think of. All the hot water you want. All the hot water in the world. I'll show you where it is. (COUGHING) (GASPS) (GUNS FIRING) (MEN YELLING) Get them all? There's three round the back, another one down by the road. -Well, where's Phil? -Oh, he's had it. ABBY: Mr Wormley, I... Go back, Mrs Grant. We have assumed authority to maintain law and order in this area. By what right? The government announcement of a state of emergency and the introduction of martial law provides all the powers necessary to protect life and property. Those powers are vested only in the recognised authorities -of the services and the police. -You are guilty. You are guilty of leading an armed attack against peaceful citizens. Peaceful citizens... You have caused the death of a man carrying out his duty in defending this area. Now, you men. Listen to me. Having taken responsibility for this area, it is my duty, to administer such laws as are for the general welfare. This man has committed murder. We are completely within our legal right to pass judgement on him. Not only our right, but our duty. Now, is that clearly understood? (MEN ASSENTING) By the authority vested, in a declared state of martial law, the penalty for murder is death. You will be executed. The sentence will be carried out immediately. All right. Take him away. (SOBBING) This isn't right. This isn't right! No! No, you have no right to do that! You can't do that! They're an armed gang trying to attack this house. His execution is perfectly legal. But you're murdering him! Mrs Grant, we will never get back to any law and order while men like him are allowed to grab power. (GUN FIRING) Good luck with your settlement, Mrs Grant. I warn you, without people like us to lead and protect you, you'll never get anywhere. (CAR ENGINE TRYING TO START) -Where are you going? -I don't know. I'm not sure. You're coming back though? You will come back? No. But you can't go. You can't just go. What about me? I'm sorry. You'll just have to look out for yourself. I can't! I can't manage on my own. Look, if I can find dome drugs, some medicines, something that'll help him, then I'll come back. But I'm not promising anything and even if I do, I'm not staying. You've no right to leave me! Get out of that car. Get out! Anne. Get me something to drink. Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! (COUGHING) (GLASS SHATTERING) Where are you going? You can't leave me on my own. Stay here. Anne! Please! Don't go! I don't have any definite plans at the moment. Just drive around for a while, I suppose. See what's happening. How about you? I just want to be with people. I thought I could manage. I've always been an independent sort of person. But the last week... The loneliness was more than I could bear. It was awful. Yes. Well, I expect people to be starting to form up in small groups by now. We'll find somebody for you. Will you stay, if we do? Oh, I don't know. I'll take these pills and drugs and things down to the quarry. After that, I think I'll just take it as it comes. I've got the things you need. They're in the boot. I'll get them for you. He's dead. You'd better get in the car. (CAR DRIVING AWAY) Help me! Anne! Help me! There's sure to be a petrol station somewhere nearby. Ah, it's probably better to pick up another car with a full tank. Anyway, there's no point in staying here. Just grab your things. It'll be dark soon. There's no point in staying around. May as well find a place to spend the night. Come on. (COUGHING) Greg. Greg, look! Let's find where it's coming from. There must be people there. It's hard to tell how far away it is. I'm going there. -What, now? -Yes. It's a signal, they must want people to see. All right. Anne. Anne, come on, wake up. We're moving out. Leave me alone. Come on, Anne. Please! I'm cold! Leave me alone. Look, Anne, it's up to you. But we're going. And if there's anybody there, we'll come back and pick you up tomorrow. (FIRE CRACKLING) I saw the fire. I hoped somebody would. You're the first. Will there be others? Where's Bob? He called this meeting for 9:00. - It's already 10 after. - A shrink has no sense of time. They're not really doctors. They don't deal with life and death like we do. Listen, I've got a society nose job waiting in my office. Hold it, Phil We should wait. Bob said it was a personal matter. - Probably needs our advice. - Well, when he gets here... tell him my advice is to forget it, because when a marriage is over, it's over. There's nothing wrong with his marriage. If there was, he wouldn't come to you. He'd come to me. - Oh, really? What else could it be? - Money. I asked him to lend me a nickel for the parking meter yesterday... the man claimed he didn't have change. Come to think of it, he's done that to me a lot. Mm-hmm. Bob's broke. That's not it. I borrow money from him all the time. Well, then it can only be one thing- he is sick. You know, come to think of it, he has looked a little pasty lately. God, his marriage is over, he's broke, and he's gonna die. Not his week. There's someone outside to see Jerry. - Who are you? - I'm Gail. - Where's Carol? - She's on vacation. Again? That's twice in two years. Well, broads are all alike. I object to the term "broads" - I am a woman. - Not really. I mean that in the nicest possible way. Look, I've been here before. I can handle everything. - Now, which one of you is Jerry? - Me. Okay, fine. What do I tell the person waiting outside to see you? Look, whatever your name is, we are having a meeting here. My best friend is in trouble! - Who's out there? - I don't know. Some girl. Really? Well, I'll see you later. - Pardon me, Gail. Is that your name? - Yeah. Just, how well do you know Carol? Pretty well. Did she ever tell you anything personal about Bob? He doesn't pay her enough. But she likes him anyway. Bob called us here because something horrible is happening in his life. And we wanna know what it is. Well, I guess Carol should be the one to tell you this... but I understand that during a full moon... Bob has a tendency to chase cars. Maybe we should call in a vet. Oh, hi. Sorry I'm late. I didn't have any change for the meter. - I had to park on a side street. - I knew it. You're broke. Oh, no, he isn't. Look at the man's complexion. He is sick. You'd look sick too if your marriage was going down the tubes. Is this my fear of sanity group? Look, Bob, we were sort of speculating... on what's wrong with you, and obviously something is. Nothing's wrong. I just wanted to talk to you about my sister. - She's broke. - She's sick. Her marriage is down the tubes. - Will you let me tell you? - Well, Bob, get to it. - We are doctors. - All right. She- She wants to do an article about us, and her editor gave approval. I just wanted to know how you feel about it. - Well, I hate it. - And I love it. - Why? - Because you hate it. Let me get this straight. Your sister wants to do an article on a day in the life of a medical building. Exactly. Oh, that's perfect. She can talk to Dr. Harris, an adequate G.P. Jerry, an average orthodontist. And of course, Bob, a competent psychologist. And myself. The Michelangelo of grotesque deformity... battling the plague and the scourge... epidemics of crippling ugliness. And then there's Bernie for comic relief. I resent that. Urology is an honorable profession. Look, all I need is yes or no. - Yes. - It's okay by me. - Well, me too. Except for one thing, okay? - What's that? I don't want anybody to tell her what I do. I thought it was an honorable profession. Well, that's no reason to shout it from the rooftops. Nobody cares what you do, Bernie. I'm sorry I'm late, Bob. But that was important. I had to interview a dental cleavage-technician. That's all right, Jerry. The meetings over. So, what's the problem? Boy, you should've heard them talking before you got here. They figured it could be only three things- either you're bankrupt... getting a divorce or dying. Can you lend me 10 bucks? - Yeah, sure, Jerry. - Ten-spot. Thanks. How's, everything going between you and Emily? Fine. - More coffee anyone? - Yeah, I'll have some. - More muffins too if you've got them. - Happen to have them here, Morty. - Can I have another, cup of coffee? - Sure, dear. Second cup of coffee. - What did you just write down? - Oh, it's not important. Listen, Bob, I just want you to ignore me today. I mean, forget that I'm your sister. I'm a reporter. - And you're a shrink. - I'm back! Come in, Howard. It's open. Ow! - Are you okay? - Yeah, except for my knee and my- my shoulder and my forehead. Yeah, but I don't wanna ruin your day. I've learned to live with pain. Would you like some bacon and eggs, Howard? No, thank you. I'm in too much pain. I'll have some- some toast though. I'll have his eggs. Who's he? Oh, Howard, I'd like you to meet my photographer, Morty. Oh, glad to meet you. You guys do a real great job, you know. I mean, without pictures in newspapers, newspapers would just be news. - Honey, can I see you in the kitchen? - Sure. I was talking to Bob. Oh, I'm sorry. When Ellen says "honey," she usually means me. You know what I heard once? A picture's worth a thousand words. Would you pass the butter? You know, Bob, if you're gonna have your picture taken today... I don't think you ough to wear that tie. Why not? Ellen gave it to me. She must've given it to you as a joke. The reason you think it's a joke is because it's daytime. I mean, at night, it glows in the dark. Testing. Testing. Testing. You hear that? Why does everyone always say "testing, testing" when they're testing? - Jelly. - Well, I gotta go. I've gotta go soaring off into the sunrise. It's my job, soaring. Are you gonna eat your toast? No, no. Thank you. Nice talking to you, Morty. Well, it was a thrill for me too. - I guess I'll go too. - I hope everything goes well today. Thanks. I'll ask him my first probing question on the way out. Shoot. You're not really gonna wear that tie, are ya? Oh, come on, Morty. We're leaving. - You go ahead without me. I'll grab a cab. - Morty! - Oh, all right. - Did you have enough to eat, Morty? No, but we'll break for lunch early. - Hi, Phil. - I beg your pardon? - "Hi, Phil." - It's Dr. Newman. Let's conduct ourselves with a little decorum today. After all, this is press day. - When will Carol be back? - Soon, I hope. This place is a snake pit. Ah. Well, well, good morning, doctors. - Doctor. - Doctor. - Doctor. - Doctor. Sure, but try calling one in the middle of the night. Oh, good morning, doctors. Doctor, when do you think the press will get here? Well, Doctor, I hope very soon... otherwise they're gonna have to vacuum your head again. I wore this before at the last Christmas party. Oh, that's right. You were doing the Mexican hat dance... and it fell on the floor, and everybody thought it was a tarantula. Oh, look who's talking. I noticed you used a little eyebrow pencil this morning. You're full of it, Doctor. Some days his eyebrows just happen to be darker than others. Well, if you'll excuse me, doctors. I have some important doctor stuff to take care of. Got to fix my spit sink. Well, good morning, Doctor. And this must be your sister, Ellen. How do you do? I am Dr. Newman. - I know. Hi, Phil. - Oh. Welcome, welcome, to the Rimpau Medical Arts Building. Oh, well, thank you. You mind if we get off the elevator? Oh, certainly. Certainly. And if there's... anything we can do to make your stay more comfortable... you just talk to Dr. Tupperman. He's the little fella here with the tarantula on his head. Oh, my God, Bernie. What are you wearing? Come on, Bob. You've seen this jacket before. Does anybody know how to load this thing? - I can take a look at it. - Oh, thanks, Bob. Is there a coffee shop around here? - Yeah, downstairs. - Oh, fine. Call me when you get it loaded. I'm gonna grab a bite to eat. Morty, you just ate a half an hour ago. Oh, no wonder I'm so hungry. Well, I guess I'll tape some interviews and have some pictures taken later. Well, why not, start with plastic surgery? Why don't we mosey on down to the face-lift factory. You could start with me. - My field is just as interesting as his. - What is your field? I'd rather not say. Why don't we let her start where she wants to start. I'm in 713. I thought that office was abandoned. There are more patients coming into my office than any other office in this building. Never saw one come out. Phil, take a hike. Well, I have to go to makeup- I mean, to work. Work. I have to, work. I work down here. Well, I guess I'll be going too. Oh, Gail- If the White House physician comes by with that specimen... be sure to buzz me, will you? I wanna go home. Well, Morty's camera is all loaded. Why don't you come down to coffee shop with me and show him how to work it? That's not a bad idea. I'm starved. Morty ate my breakfast. Gail, can we bring you anything back? Yeah, if you see a jelly doughnut. Oh, and if we, see a Secret Service man with a bottle... we'll send him right up here. What's going on? I used to do divorce work. - Hi, Jerry. - Ellen, is that you? Yeah. Listen, do you mind if I interview you first? - No. No, go right ahead. - Ah, terrific. Ellen Hartley, Rimpau Medical Arts interview... with Dr. Jerry Robinson, orthodontist. All right, first of all, Dr. Robinson, what is orthodontia? What is orthodontia? What is life? I asked you first. What is orthodontia? Well, let's begin by saying... that it's not just fixing kids' teeth. It's hard work, it's sweat, and, yes... a certain amount of spit. - So, life is like spit? - Exactly. I wish I had a wider-angle lens. Part of your nose is out of the frame. Dr. Robinson, here's your m- Well, what a surprise. Ellen. You know... doctors do little favors like this for each other all the time. It's called professional courtesy. It's part of the Hippocr- the Hipp- - You know, that oath that we all swear by. - The Hippocratic oath? That could be. Well, Phil. I'm interviewing, Jerry right now. Oh, well, I'm sorry. I'll just get out of your way. I won't bother you a bit. All right, Jerry. How do you determine when a kid needs braces? When his parents can come up with a couple of grand to pay for them. - Will you butt out, Phil? - Dr. Robin- Gee, I'm awful sorry. I didn't know that you had company. I don't. Company is something that you invite. Well, Jerry, remember that time you asked me about the history of urology? - No. - Well, I've done some research. Napoleon had a urologist following him through every campaign. Following? You mean leading. And did you know that nonspecific "uritis"... claimed the lives of 15 Egyptian pharaohs? I heard it was 14. Tupperman, I didn't ask you about any of this stuff. Well, maybe there's somebody in the room... from the news media who might be interested. Oh, I am, Dr. Tupperman. But not right now. You know, the phones are all ringing off their hooks out there... but they're only patients, so I suppose it doesn't really matter. What's the matter with you guys? This is a working day. Jerry, that girl is back. She said you were supposed to interview her at 10:00. - That's tonight. - She's early. Hi! Nice to see you again. Step into my, office. Well, Ellen, it looks like we're gonna have a chance to talk. What is it you'd like to know? Excuse me. I have to file some X-rays. - Thank you. - I am not only after one thing. Have you seen my Phi Beta Kappa key? I seem to have misplaced it. No, I didn't spike your drink. Is this Jerry Robinson's office? Over here. Jerry, there's a guy here to fix your spit sink. Will you show him where it is, please? I don't think you can get there from here. Is this Candid Camera? Are you Allen Funt? Okay, let's have a nice, big group smile. Hi, everybody. Ellen, I'm glad I found you. You left your comb in the apartment. I thought you might need it. Oh! My hand's stuck! I wanna thank all of you for your cooperation. Come on, Morty. Let's get something to eat. I'm starved. Hold on, Ellen. There's something you should know about warts. It was 15 Egyptian pharaohs. I can prove it. I can't find my Nobel Peace Prize either. That's, very nice of you to bring the comb. - Well, I thought it might be important. - Yeah. If I were Carol, I'd go on vacation every week. What are you, like a dentist? - Orthodontist. - What's that? Orthodontia? Well, it's a lot like life- hard work, sweat and, yes... a certain amount of spit. I can see that. You understand it's just a first draft. I'm sure it's fine. I mean, they'll be a lot of changes in it before it appears in print. I can't read it with you looking over my shoulder. Well, I just wanted to know what you think. So far, it seems okay to me, except... "Hartley" is spelled L-E-Y. - How'd I spell it? - L-Y. - I did not! - You misspelled it every time. Well, it's my name too. I can spell it whatever way I want to. - How come I'm not mentioned? - You are. - Where is it? - Right there. - Where? - Oh, yeah. "Dr. Hartley is married." Well, I am married. I had Gail run off some copies for the other doctors. - You, will let me know what they think? - Yeah. - Let's go. I'm starving. - You sound like Morty. - See ya later, Bob. - See, it's right there on the door. L - E-Y. Ellen, I just finished the article, and I think it is brilliant. - It's... really honest. - Gee, thanks, Gail. Would you guys mind if I joined you for lunch? - Sure. Come on. - Thank you. I, don't think I wanna be here when the doctors read the article. Can I, buy anybody a sarsaparilla? We read the article, Bob. Oh. Oh, great. The, copies came out clear, huh? - Very clear. - Great. Great. Beause, you know, sometimes they come out a little blurry. I mean, usually they don't. You know, I guess this time- is one of the times that they came out clear. It's a real good copying machine. We were- We were real smart to invest in it. You guys mad or something? Mad? Why should we be mad? Just because your sister made us look like a bunch of quacks? She called me "a Hippocratic oaf." She called me "portly and diminutive." Where did she come off telling my age? Said I spent the whole day trying to straighten out my love life. It's not straightened out. - Nobody came off well. - Yeah, well, you did, Bob. Sure, why not? He's her brother. She misspelled my name. I don't want my mother to see this article. But I want my lawyer to see it. This thing better be changed before it goes to press, Bob. Change it, or you'll rue the clay you rented space in this building. Look, Ellen wrote that the way she saw it. And, I'm not gonna ask her to change it. And I'd be disappointed in her if she did. You know what I think, Bob? I don't think you're man enough to stand up to her. I think you're yellow. You bushwhacked us, Bob. You've got till sundown to have this article changed. Bernie! They went thataway. It seems like Howard's been at that all-night newsstand all night. Oh, he's so cute. He's like an expectant father. I just wish he'd get here. Ellen, take it easy. You wrote the article. You know what's in it. Oh, I know, Bob. But-You know, it's different when you see it in print... with all the spelling corrected. You know, actually there is- There is something I meant to talk to you about now that you've... you know, put the article to sleep. - "To bed," Bob. - Right. Everybody at the office wasn't... altogether enthusiastic about it. They wanted to change some things like, my face. Yeah, I- I reread it and made some changes on my own. Oh, I'm really glad you did, because, you know... there were some things that even bothered me. You know, like this part where you call Phil Newman... "the sultan of silicone." I didn't change that. What about Dr. Harris? Oh, yeah, I felt that I treated her with kid gloves. So, I added that she was pretentious and seemed to be... more concerned with herself than with the practice of medicine. Oh, She'll like that much better. Did you change any of the stuff about Bob? Yeah. I added that, "Dr. Hartley's therapeutic technique... was effective but unspectacular." And I took out the crack about the ugly tie. Told you it was ugly. You gave me that tie. I gave it to you as a joke. Come in, Howard. It's open. Oh, no, Bob. I'm not gonna fall for that again. Come on. Let him in. Let him in. - Oh, that smarts! - What happened this time? I got hit by the newspaper when they threw them off the truck. - Oh- - Are you okay? Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. They say when you get old, you don't need your shins. Don't worry about me. Just read the article. Well, I can't find it. Here it is. It's in the "Good Neighbor" column. Oh, yeah. Right next to the, shipping arrivals. There we all are in Jerry's office. That's not my article. It's just a picture. "Today's Good Neighbors." "Doctors pitch in to help plumber Roland Snead, 44... "repair a spit sink... "in the true spirit of the Windy City. Snead is left-handed and a widower." I broke my shins for that? I guess the editor didn't like it. Or maybe there was a fast-breaking news story. Yeah, yeah. That's it. Here it is. "Chicago may get azalea festival." Hey, that sounds exciting! Boy, maybe my shins will be better by then. They will be, Howard. They say your shins are the first to go. Not in your case, Howard. In conclusion, since I regard psychology as a serious... albeit unspectacular profession... I cannot accept the invitation to attend... your Psychology Day picnic and carnival... nor will I participate as a contestant... in the primal scream-off. Come in. - Hi, Bob. - Oh, hi, Morty. Here are those pictures you ordered. - You didn't have to bring them yourself. - It's my pleasure. I was in the neighborhood. I'm on my way to a fire. Well, I appreciate it. That's all right. I do have a problem though. I won't be able to take pictures of the fire unless- Yeah, I'll load it for you, Morty. Thanks, Bob. You get it loaded, and... I'll be in the coffee shop. [ Hoofbeats Approaching ] [ Yelling ] [ Yelling ] [ Crowd Cheering ] [ Cheering Continues ] -[ Hoofbeats Continue ] - [ Laughing ] - Relax. - Yes, Urko. After all, it's only a horse race. With half my horses and half my land bet on the result. Think of how rich you'll be if you win. If, if, if! You insist on the race. You make all the arrangements. You demand the bet. Have you ever lost a race to any prefect? There's always a first time. [ Laughing ] [ Chuckling ] [ Yelling ] My horse is leading. [ Laughing ] [ Laughing ] Well, better luck next year! [ Yelling ] [ Yelling Louder] [ Cheering ] [ All Cheering ] - There is a first time! - Shut up. - The horse threw a shoe! - Who shod that horse? The blacksmith. I want that horse shod in time for the next race in the village of Venton. If this happens again, I won't just kill the blacksmith, I'll kill you too. [ Hammering Metal ] It's not necessary you work for the little food I've given you. It wasn't necessary for you to give us the food. I never talked to an ape before. [ Chuckles ] Really? Well, I mean, they talked at me, you know. giving me orders, things like that. But never just like you and I are talking. Saying the things you feel like saying. Well, would you believe, that, uh, it was many years before I spoke to a human? Well, except for giving orders. Well, why should apes give orders? Why do we have to obey? Well, there are two answers to that-- mine and, uh, the authorities. See, mine isn't backed up by bullets. I think you should listen to the authorities. -[ Hoofbeats Approaching ] - Horses. - Alan, Pete, horses. - Stay here. You'll be safe. [ Hoofbeats Approaching ] This is Urko's favorite horse. - He's thrown a shoe. - I'll take care of him well, sir. You will if you want to keep on living. There have been reports of a young human riding a horse near here. " Human riding a horse"? They must be crazy. Why would anyone take a chance on being shot,just to ride a horse? Perhaps he's crazy as you say. In any case, he'll be caught. You know what the law is for humans riding. You've been seen. How many times have I warned you? Being seen is not being caught. Don't worry, Father, I'm careful. You're not careful. You just won't believe anything can harm you. Well, the apes can, and they will. You're not so smart you can go on fooling them forever. I'm not trying to fool them. I just don't see why I-- I don't care what you see. I care about your staying alive. I won't have you risking your life trying to prove how clever you are. Now I want your word you won't ride again. - Father, I can't. -[ Galen Screaming ] I've been bit! [ Gasping ] It's a tiger scorpion. Sit him down. Here he goes. - A tourniquet- - Give me a rope. - Right. - It's no use. - What do you mean, " It's no use"? Without an antidote, the sting of the tiger scorpion is fatal. - Where do we get an antidote? - The clinic in town. - I'll go. -[ Boy ] It 's five miles. By the time you get back, Galen will be dead. Martin, I'm going to steal one of your horses. You'd be caught before you got halfway there. - Maybe not. - I'll go! - No, you won't. If anybody's gonna ride for that stuff, it's gonna be Alan or me. - Galen's our friend. - I'd like him to be mine. Believe me, I know a back way. I can be there and back in no time. You'd never make it, and Galen will die. - Galen needs help now! - Yeah, okay, then go. Go! If he just hadn't moved. A tiger scorpion never stings if you don't move. [ Hoofbeats ] Now, remember what I said. Stay off of the leg. Excuse me, but my brother's been bitten by a tiger scorpion. - How long ago? - A couple of minutes ago, right down the road-- Are you telling the truth? If it's been any longer, the antidote won't help. I am telling the truth. Wait here. [ Sighs ] This is to be given by mouth as soon as possible. Thank you. Halt! We'll make camp here. We could stay in the village, but there are too many loudmouthed humans here for the race. [ Horse Neighing ] [ Neighing Continues ] Hyah! Did you see his face? I think it was the blacksmith's son, but I'm not sure. Shoot him! Oh! After him! [ Hoofbeats Approaching ] He's back. - You made it. Thanks. - Use this immediately. Nice work, Gregor. We're indebted to you for Galen. Good boy. Martin says it takes about half an hour for the antidote to work. If it works. What's this? What happened? [ Gregor ] It's a bullet wound. I was seen. Now we are in trouble. The bullet was stopped by the shoulder blade. It's nothing serious. Just be glad they missed me. Let's get him into the barn. I'll see if I can dig that bullet out. - [ Moaning ] - Stay with him, Pete. That horse looks like it's been wounded. - I'll see if I can't lend a hand. - Right. Let me take a look at that. I've had some experience with horses. It's not too bad. Give me a knife. You hold his head tight. [ Whinnies ] [ Hoofbeats Approaching ] Quick, Gregor! Out of sight! Go on! [ Whinnies ] [ Whinnying Continues ] Was it you riding the horse? Do you deny it? I don't deny anything. This horse has been hurt. He's gotta be taken care of. [ Zandar ] Take him to the village. We'll make an example of him! - I rode the horse. - So, it was him after all. Come on, Gregor. Don't lie just to save my neck. Please! He-He's young. He meant no harm. His own father confirms it. Let the other one go free. I won't be so easy on you if you ever lie to me again. - [ Horse Whinnies ] - Seize him! No! Please! [ Groans ] [ Zandar ] Very, very foolish. You'll be invited to witness the execution... as part of the celebration after the race. [ Laughing ] Here's your new saddle, Prefect Barlow. You'll find it very good. Your horse will run well under it. It's no use. We have no chance of winning the race. Urko's horse will win as usual. It doesn't seem fair. Fair? When has Urko ever been fair? Look at the way he transferred me here from Kaymak. [ Sighs ] Yes, and the stakes-- half my land and half my horses if I lose. And, of course, I'll lose. [ Sighs ] [ Hammering Metal ] Martin, Galen's gonna be fine. - Pete and I talked it over. - We want to help Gregor. If there was any way, do you think I'd be here working? We can talk to the prefect. We'll tell him Gregor was only riding to save an ape's life. The prefect will not listen to humans. Then we'll try something else. We're gonna look around. Venton is a small village, isn't it? - We don't need identification? - The new prefect, Barlow, - lets humans come and go freely. - Barlow? - Barlow? - Galen. What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in bed. Oh, no, I'm fine. Is that the same Barlow who used to be prefect at Kaymak? Yes, that's what they say. - Well-- - Wait a minute. I know what you're thinking. We'll talk to Barlow. You belong in bed. Oh, no, no, no. He's a friend of mine. I think he'd pay more attention if I talked to him. We'll tell him we're delivering your message. - You're too weak from the scorpion. -[ Galen ] Fine. And just to make it more convincing, I'll go along and faint in his presence. - Very funny. -Is Barlow really your friend? Would he listen? Could he help to save Gregor? I'll do everything I can. - Come along. What are we waiting for? - Galen, be reasonable. Venton's five miles from here. You're not strong enough to walk. An ape of my wealth and position, with two human servants, walk? [ Scoffs ] I can borrow a horse, can't I, Martin? - Right away. - Ah! You two walk. And please... be sure to maintain a respectable distance behind me, hmm. [ Knocking ] - Someone to see you, sir. - Who? I don't know, sir. He didn't give his name, but he said he's a friend of yours from Kaymak. Please come in. Ah, Galen. And Virdon and Burke. What are you doing here? Don't you know they're still looking for you? Of course, but I simply had to see you. You are looking wonderful. Oh, you probably need my help again. Oh, no, no, no. No, no, not us. - But a friend of ours. - A human arrested for riding a horse. Oh, that one. Young Gregor. - He's a friend of yours? - Yes. There is absolutely nothing I can do. - But he saved my life. - Galen was stung by a scorpion. I'd have died if Gregor hadn't come to town to get that antidote. He did it for one of your own. If you can get to Zaius and tell him that-- You suggest I appeal to Zaius because he saved the life of an outlaw? You don't have to put it that way. Of course not. Come on, Barlow, be reasonable. Well, there was a time when I tried to be reasonable. Now I'm less reasonable and more safe. - [ Chuckles ] - I hate it here. I want to go home, back to Kaymak. There's a chance that I can if I keep my record clean. Is a comfortable job more important than saving a boy's life? I have sympathy for humans when they behave themselves and know their place. But that boy's a fool. - He deserves punishment. - For saving Galen's life? It's a wonder the horse didn't throw the boy. These laws protect humans as well. Only apes know how to handle horses. I grew up on horses. I've been riding since I was seven. No, no, no, no. Humans can't ride like apes. For what it's worth, Alan's as good a rider as anybody in this whole world. [ Barlow ] He telling the truth? My friends don't lie. [ Barlow ] Would you-- Would you be willing to prove that your skill is not only talk? - What about Gregor? - Well, let me see how you ride first, then we'll talk about Gregor. All right. [ Whinnying ] - Never been ridden, right? - Even without a rider, he runs like the wind, but she's a killer. No ape has been able to ride him. Forget it. Oh, so you're not the great rider you say you are. Now, you give me one good reason why I should risk my neck on a wild horse. [ Horse Whinnies ] If you can ride him, I'll be very helpful to you. Uh-huh. - All right, I'll do it. - Good. Saddle him up, Martin. Hyah! Come on! Come on, baby! Come on! [ Continues Yelling ] [ Alan Yelling, Horse Snorting ] Come on! [ Continues Yelling ] - Look at him. - I told you he could ride. Mm-mmm. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Here you go. There. You're not as tough as you thought you were. - [ Panting ] - What a beautiful animal. Good riding, for a human. - Thank you. -[ Barlow ] I never saw a horse go so fast. Maybe that's because you've never seen a human jockey before. Huh. I have a proposition to make to you. I've been challenged to race my best horse... against the fastest horse in the territory. I want you to ride Woda. Virdon can't ride in a race. He'd be seen. I have a certain influence with Zaius. I can get him to make an exception. - What do you say? - Why should I say anything? I'm not interested in racing. You ride Woda, and I'll get Zaius to pardon your friend, Gregor. - That is, if you win. - Okay, you got it. Wait. What if he loses? Well, well, Gregor dies, of course. But if you don't ride, he's certain to be shot. - Excuse me. Do you know who Urko is? - Yes, sir. I just saw him. Does he come to town often? No, sir, only for something important like the big race. Oh. I won't interfere with your departure in any way. [ Chuckles ] I knew I couldn't trust Barlow. [ Knock At Door ] Come in. Barlow, what is this I hear? Are you seriously going to use a human as a jockey in the race? I have received permission from Zaius. [ Laughing ] You're a bigger fool than I thought. All Zaius has done is to make certain that your horse will lose to mine. We shall see. Who is this human... who's foolish enough to ride against one of my apes? What does it matter? He's just a human. Well, has he ever ridden a horse before? [ Hesitantly ] Yes, he's quite good. I trained him myself. Oh. [ Chuckles ] Well, in that case, you won't mind if we... - raise the stakes just a little bit. - How much? Instead of half your horses, all of them, if you lose. And all of your lands. And if I win? - What do you want? - Transfer me back to Kaymak. Hmm. Well, if that's what you want. I'm determined to win this race. Everything I have depends on it. You're going to win. When Urko sees Alan on your horse, he's gonna kill him... and us too. I don't understand you. Don't you feel guilty about tricking us? Absolutely. Well, that's a big help. Well, what was I to do? I was forced into this race and my entire future depends on it. And, besides, I wasn't sure that Urko was coming. Oh, and I used to boast about honor among apes. Oh, speaking of honor, I don't like to spread gossip, but I've heard talk that Urko's horse doesn't always win by fair means. Is this designed to cheer us up? I'm only trying to be a big help to us both. Come on, Galen. But where? Well, if Urko has all this going for him, maybe we should jiggle a few odds to get things in our favor. Hmm. [ Scoffs ] [ Galen ] Make it deep and muddy. I wish I could help you. Ah, but you've got to keep up appearances. - Yeah, right. - I mean, if someone saw me... doing something like that, they'd say, "Why are you doing such a thing? Such work is for humans." Otherwise, I would be right in there giving you a hand. Hey, will you cut it out? You love it. Anyway, I'm doing what you asked me to do, even if I don't understand it. Do you think this is really gonna help Virdon? You're getting warm, buddy. You're getting warm. Warm? I'm not the least bit warm. Sometimes I do not understand you at all. First of all, you have me carve a spool with notches in it and now-- [ Clacking ] What are you complaining about? I'm the one who's doing all the hard work. - You're terrible. - Whee! Thinner, Martin. You gotta make it thinner. A racehorse has got to have thin, lightweight shoes on his hooves. Urko's racehorses use the same shoes as any other horse. That's the point. That's where we have an advantage. In a horse race, every little bit helps. If it'll help save my son, I'll make them featherlight. [ Urko ] Twist them, but leave the way open at the side. Kagon will be told to ride my horse across to where he will be clear of the vines. The human will be stupid enough to jump across the middle. I want to be sure he falls. More vines here. Make it thicker. More vines here. There you go, Martin. With those shoes, the only thing that gorilla's gonna see is Woda's tail. I still don't see how you hope to beat Urko. His horses never lose. Come on, Martin. Nobody's got this race sewn up. Even if you do win... what's to keep Urko from killing you just for daring to ride a horse? I'm not gonna ride up to Urko and see if he shoots me. We got a couple of tricks up our sleeve. I know you're doing this for Gregor, and I thank you. But if you trick Urko, Gregor will surely pay. If everything goes all right, we'll bail out Gregor and I'll be in the clear. I've got to take Urko's horse to him. I'm gonna ask him to let me take Gregor's place. I don't care what happens to me. This way,you won't have to ride, you'll be out of danger. And so will Gregor. Uh-uh, Urko doesn't make that kind of deal. Look, Gregor's only chance is for me to win that race. I think I've got a pretty good shot at it. [ Clicks Tongue ] Come on. Beat that if you can. Ah! [ Laughs ] I'm a little out of practice. Barlow! - What about the tree? - We have something special planned. - What? - A net. Better work. Zilo, you know you're to be in place 50 yards before the end of the race. If the human is winning when he passes you, shoot him. Of course. The human will surely lose the race. Shouldn't I shoot him anyway, just for riding? [ Groans ] Zaius has given his permission. This one time. Anyway, it isn't important enough to kill the human... just because he looses the race. We still have the other young human to serve as an example. - Urko, the blacksmith. - Huh? What do you want? Excuse me. I'm Martin. I'm the one who shod your horse. What do you want? I can be of help to you. I also shod the horse Barlow will race against you. I know how to make sure you'll win. Is there any doubt about my winning the race? Yes, Barlow's horse, Woda, is very fast. But I know how to fix his shoes with wedges... that will cause great pain and slow him down. I know where to put them, and it wouldn't be found out until too late. Why do you want to help me against Barlow, who pampers all the humans? It's for my son, Gregor. He's the one that's been sentenced to die. Please, he's very young. He didn't know. He just didn't think. He-- Let him go, and I promise you he'll never ride a horse again. I'll help you win, Gregor will be safe... and there'll be no need to worry about the other man riding Barlow's horse. Say nothing about this to anyone. If my horse wins the race, I'll set your son free. Thank you. Thank you. Zilo! Release the human from the cage. At the start? What-What if the blacksmith is lying? What is done to a human who tries to run away and escape? In the meantime, if the human is winning, kill him before he reaches the finish line. - Uh-huh. - If the human is losing, kill him after he reaches the finish line. [ Mutters ] Just a matter of when. [ Horse Whinnying ] Look at that horse. Oh, a magnificent horse. I love racing! Well, Barlow, we've finally arrived at the moment of truth. Not quite. The moment of truth comes at the finish line. [ Laughs ] Well, we'll see. It's quite a show you're putting on here today. We always try to please. Zandar, is everything prepared? Everything will be to your total satisfaction, Urko. Good. Barlow, this may come as a surprise to you, but I dislike losing so much, I've always made it a habit of winning. I always thought the enjoyment of a race depended on being unsure of the outcome. [ Laughing ] Well, don't worry about my enjoyment of a race. I intend to have a marvelous time. -[ Horses Whinnying ] - Ah, there are the horses. - [ Snorting ] -[ Urko ] Well, I see your horse, - but where's your wonderful human jockey? - Oh, he'll, uh-- I'm certain he'll be here. There's time. The race won't begin for a while yet. It's all right if he doesn't turn up. I don't mind winning by default. [ Both Laughing ] [ Crowd Cheering ] [ Whinnying ] I don't like the way that horse is acting. I don't like anything about this whole race. Well, Alan, now is probably as good a time as any. -[ Whinnying Continues ] - Be careful. You better take off first, Galen. [ Crowd Applauding, Whistling ] [ Horse Whinnying ] - There's something the matter with that horse. -[ Whinnying ] [ Pete ] Maybe he's just nervous being near the crowd. We'll soon find out. - See you after the race, Pete. - Yeah. Hey. Be careful. - You too. - Yeah. [ Crowd Chattering ] [ Chattering Continues ] [ Clacking Noisemaker] [ Chattering Continues ] [ Continues Clacking ] [ Woda Whinnying ] [ Laughing ] He's a wonderful jockey, your human, except he can't sit on a horse. [ Laughing Continues ] Hey, that's great. You look awful. - Urko would never recognize you. -[ Woda Whinnying ] Whoa. Hey, hey. Easy, easy. Come on. Hey-- What's the matter with him, Martin? There's nothing wrong with him. He'll be fine. Good luck. Hey, Pete, look at this. Give me your knife. What's holding up the race? - Races never start on time. - Well, this one does! That's it. Let me get that one. [ Grunts ] - Start the race. - Get ready for the start! - [ Grunting ] - Same way. Okay, good. Let's get the other one too. I said start the race now! Bring your horses to the starting line. Three times through the village and around the course. - [ Grunting ] - Now pull it. Okay. [ Fires Rifle ] [ Crowd Cheering ] [ Cheering ] Good start. [ Chuckling ] You put those wedges in the horse's shoes. Why? - You didn't take them out. - Yes, of course I did! I promised Urko I'd make Virdon lose if Gregor was spared. Alan's riding in this race to save your son. He can't! Urko has a gorilla there to kill him if he wins! [ Crowd Chattering ] [ Chattering Continues ] [ Chattering Continues ] - Two more to go. - [ Crowd Cheering ] - [ Cheering Continues ] - [ Urko ] There he goes! There he goes! [ Cheering ] [ Hoofbeats Approaching ] [ Crowd Cheering ] -[ Hoofbeats Approaching ] - [ Laughing ] [ Urko ] Well, Barlow, it's all over. - Too bad, Barlow. - [ Crowd Cheering ] - [ Hoofbeats Passing ] - [ Cheering ] I'm going to win! I'm going to win! I think it's time we made our move. Careful. Don't move. -[ Hoofbeats Approaching ] - Ah. -[ Hoofbeats Approaching ] - Oh, I won! I won! I won! -[ Hoofbeats Passing ] - That's Virdon. Kill him! Kill him! - Come on, kill him! Kill him! - [ Shuddering ] Kill him! Shoot him! [ Firing Pistol ] [ Gunfire Continues ] - That was Virdon! Your jockey! -[ Crowd Clamoring ] Your human jockey was Virdon, the fugitive! Is that a fact? Oh, well, it has nothing to do with our bet. [ Grumbling ] Get the horses! Follow them! Follow them! [ Clamoring Continues ] - Did Barlow's horse win the race? - Yes. Now you can run. Why should I run if I'm supposed to be free? You run because I tell you to run! No. Something's wrong. Move out of there, or I'll shoot you right where you are. [ Groaning, Growling ] [ Screaming ] - [ Crowd Clamoring ] - [ Guard Groaning ] - [ Clamoring Continues ] - [ Chuckling ] -[ Women Screaming ] -[ Alan ] Pete! -[ Women Screaming ] -[ Alan ] Pete! - [ Crowd Clamoring ] - Ya-hoo! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! [ Whinnies ] -[ Hoofbeats Approaching ] - Come on! Come on! This way! Let's go! Hyah! Hyah! [ Coughs ] - Have you seen the fugitive? - Yes, with you, when he won the race. Barlow, if I thought you knew anything about this beforehand-- Oh, how could I dream that a fugitive would dare to ride a horse... - under Urko's very nose? - I don't trust you, Barlow. Oh, Urko, I'm an honorable ape. I don't lie, I don't break promises... and I always pay my debts, when I lose. - The payment has been arranged! - Yes, I know. - I'm on my way back to Kaymak. - [ Grumbles ] I heard what you said to Urko. You don't lie. [ Scoffs ] Perhaps not, but you certainly know how to tie the truth into a knot. I also said I don't break promises. Where are they? Uh-huh. You two may come and live with me in Kaymak. There you'll be safe. But you... -are not to ride on horses... - Yes, Prefect. - when I'm watching. - Thank you, Prefect. Thank you. Good-bye. Friend. Friend. My name is Molly Caffrey and I work for the Federal government. I deal in worst-case scenarios, the unthinkable. On September 16, 2005, the unthinkable happened. An extraterrestrial object appeared off the bow of a naval freighter. The entire crew was exposed to a high-frequency signal. Some died instantly. Others began to change. They are now stronger, more resilient. They dream of alien landscapes, and they are driven by the impulse to infect others. Several of the crewman are now loose in the United States. They will strike anytime, anyplace, anyone. Their goal: to turn us into them. But... I have a plan to stop them. That plan is called "Threshold." MAN: Okay, guys, lights out. Lights out, guys. Go to bed, Harry. Richard? Richard? Security, we've got a runner, South Wing. It's Tate. Security, come back. He's headed your way. Another nugget from the data mine: Intercepted a police report outside of Cleveland, Ohio. Thanks. Escaped mental patient. Cranked a guard's head around, pulled apart an orderly, and then tore through an electrified fence. If these ETs are trying to hijack our planet by turning us into them, why in the hell pick a guy in a loony bin? And how could he have been exposed to the bio-forming signal? Another UFO? Maybe there's less here than meets the eye. This one is not for us. We should definitely check this out. Caffrey, you wrote the Threshold protocols. You need to be here to implement them. You don't have time to chase down every yeti, crop circle or psycho that comes across our desk. I understand... Send Cavennaugh! If there's something worth investigating, he'll let you know. He won't have to. This is a crime scene photo of the escapee's room. Is this what I think it is? Paintings of the glass forest, just like the dream I had. Enjoy the Buckeye state. OFFICER: You can understand my being curious. Why do people in Washington care about some nutcake? FENWAY: You been in Washington? CAVENNAUGH: We're going to need all the information you've got on the escapee. Richard Tate. He's kind of a local legend. Back in '79, he set his house on fire. He was only 13 years old. Burned his family alive. ( man screams ) Found not guilty by reason of insanity. Surprise, surprise. Committed to Bridgeview, where he's apparently been living quietly until tonight. Do you have a BOLO on him? Went out this morning. His picture's plastered all over the state. He'll probably come back when he hears what happened to rock and roll. This his room? Mm-hmm. Nothing's been touched. Look familiar? Yeah. According to Tate's profile, he's a paranoid schizophrenic. Was he outwardly violent? No. But you have to remember that by the time I came here, he'd been on a regimen of valproates for years. I mean, he might as well have been furniture. In '96, we started him on olanzapine-- less harsh and, in Tate's case, just as effective. Until about a week ago, we had him down to five milligrams a day. What happened a week ago? We had to up the dosage. He was having nightmares, waking up, screaming, that kind of thing. He had delusions that there are aliens among us-- not atypical for these kinds of illnesses. You see, extraterrestrials often represent our darker selves. When the mind can't accept its own nature, it creates ghosts or aliens or some other handy bogeyman. Did he describe his dreams to you? They're up on the walls. What you are looking at is the landscape of a different world: the mind of a paranoid schizophrenic. Note the glass trees, indicating a fragile sense of self... Thank you for your time, Dr. Urbassik. Anything else you need, just let me know. CAVENNAUGH: All right. You bet. All right, let's make sure he doesn't have any paintings in his possession or photos or video. Last thing we need is that genius writing a book about his star patient. I have men at his house right now. Is there a civil right you haven't violated? Subsection Alpha-14 of your protocol: "Evidence of alien incursion, "no matter how indirect, must be obtained by any means necessary." I see you read the classics. So, what do you got? Well, we got years worth of journal entries, stories, poetry... There's random lists, doodles... None of it seems to make much sense. I had a professor once who said "It's impossible to write anything without telling the reader about yourself." Let's get Ramsey here. Maybe he can sort through this. ( flipping pages ) Might give us an idea where Richard Tate went. CAVENNAUGH: It looks like we got a new guy in our forest. Is that what it looks like in your dreams? Yeah. You? Like he took a picture. In order to get out, Tate had to withstand a 9,000-volt pulse. Impressive. It gets even more impressive. The way these fences are designed, if the pulse doesn't work, both the current and the voltage are automatically increased to a lethal level. How high? Did you ever touch the end of a nine-volt battery with the tip of your tongue? Yeah. No. Well, we're looking for a guy who could suck on a car battery all day and not feel it. Our stun weapons aren't going to be enough. Call Lucas-- tell him to boost the amperage and get a new set of hardware out here as soon as possible. Is that a piece of fence missing? Apparently, Tate's not indestructible. He cut himself on the way out-- left us some skin cells and blood. I snipped around the sample to protect it. Good. Anything on the victims? Nothing yet. Everything's packed up and ready to go back to Threshold for analysis. I also want to get blood samples of everybody at the hospital. No one else is showing any signs. Until we know how Tate got infected, we cover every contingency. Oh, Mr. Baylock. Lucas, there's a good chance we're going to be working together for quite a while. I think you can call me "J.T." Yes, sir. What's on your mind? Uh, weapons. Dr. Caffrey wants me to juice up the amps in our stun-shells. Why? Something about that infected mental patient breaking through an electrified fence. They're worried they'll need more stopping power. So, could you just sign off on a few things for me? 300-amp laser-diodes... uranium...? You building a bomb in there, son? Look, I don't have a lot of time, okay? They wanted these weapons, like, five minutes ago. Ramsey's not here to help me with the math. So if you could just approve this stuff, I would greatly appreciate it, okay? Just try not to blow up the building. Yes, sir. Mr. Miller? I'm Molly Caffrey. I'd like to ask you a few questions about Richard Tate. And I'd like somebody to play with. Well, I guess we're both out of luck. Oh, oh... Oh, good! Yeah... Oh... What would you like to ask me? You were a friend of his, right? Oh, yeah, I was a... I'd known him for, um... two years. C-1. Miss. Did he ever talk about what he'd do if he got out? B-6. Miss. Richard... Richard was never gonna get out of here. Did he ever talk about killing his family? Well, once he said that he burned them alive and he could hear them screaming. And then, once, he said they were already dead when he set the fire. Uh, D-7. Miss. Did he ever talk about nightmares? Uh, G-10. Hit. We all have nightmares. That's not an answer. Couple of days ago, Richard warned me that aliens were coming and that we were all going to change. Did he say how? No. He just said that it was gonna be soon and that he had some unfinished business to take care of. A-2? Miss. Uh... Mr. Miller, this is very important. Do you know where Richard Tate is? No, I don't. But, just between you and me, I've been having some pretty weird alien dreams myself. When did they start? Just about the same time as Richard's. I mean, it's like I'm turning into an alien. I can't fight it. I start getting the big bug eyes and the antennas. You know, maybe you could talk to the doctors. Maybe they could give me some more meds like they gave Richard. I think we're done here. But you're going to talk to the doctor? I don't think so. But thanks for your time. All right. Hey, good news for a change. None of the other patients tested positive for genetic mutations. Then it's only Tate. Mm. Still no sign of him? Not yet. I've got agents searching the town, local police-- of course, they have no idea what they're dealing with. I don't get it. How could one random psychopath locked in a cell become infected in the first place? Because it wasn't random. There has to be a reason why it happened to this particular person. But there's no evidence the alien signal was ever here. Yeah, but he's having the dreams. How? That UFO was hundreds of miles away over the Atlantic Ocean. You're saying there's some kind of connection? Maybe. Maybe he was exposed indirectly, like Cadet Janklow was. Maybe some people are more receptive to the signal. What, like human antennae? Why not? What if some people can pick up the signal from far away? So there's a guy in China sitting in his pagoda, drawing the glass forest. I don't think so. Lucas said the signal only has a radius of 3,000 meters. It's basic science. Basic science is out the window, in case you haven't noticed. How many times have you read Tate's file? ( sighing ): I don't know, like, 50, and I can't find anything. Let me see it-- maybe it needs a fresh pair of eyes. I hope yours work better than mine. Okay, Mr. Tate... talk to me. Who is it? Oh, hi, uh... sorry to bother you, but is this your dog? Because it was running around outside, the gate was open... Oh, thanks so much. I didn't know he got loose. Shut up, shut up, shut up... Shut up... Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Don't scream. Don't scream! Does it have the date? Does it say we're getting married? Does it say "You're invited"? Okay, then why would I care what font we use? It's a wedding invitation, right? Okay, look, just e-mail me your top five. I'll try to glance at them tonight. Honey, I'm not snapping. I just... I'm really swamped right now. I know. I want it to be perfect, too. Uh, look, I got to go. I'll call you later. Hey... how's it going? I've boosted the power of the stun weapons and I've added a variable control to the amperage, so our guys will have a choice in the field. I'll be done in about an hour. I'm not talking about the weapons. Oh. It's great. ( clears throat ) It's just great. Plucked out of existence, eight days with barely any sleep... I can't even tell my fiancee what I'm doing here, when I might be back. "Well, you see, Pumpkin, uh, an extraterrestrial probe "landed in the ocean and it sent out this weird-ass signal "that mutates your DNA and turns you into an alien, see? "And it infected a bunch of people on the ship, "and now they're running loose in the general population. "And, oh, by the way, I might be infected as well. How was your day?" I'm... I'm done ranting now, thanks. This fiancee of yours, uh... Rachel. Rachel. She's a pediatrician, right? Clinical research or something? Yeah. Now, I might be able to pull some strings, get her a posting over at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda. You're kidding me. Given what we're up against, you may be here for a long time. ( sighs ) Thank you. Well, thank Dr. Caffrey, they're her protocols. Now... get these weapons out in the field. Right. Yeah? Anything? Quite a bit, actually. I just don't know what it all means. More artwork? I think it's Tate's version of an identicon. The image of the farmhouse keeps reappearing in conjunction with anything having to do with the murders. Probably the farm where it happened. He must be haunted by the memories. What about these words? "Cat, brother, oak tree, door..." Well, could be random words, or it could be a code based on a system of personal mnemonics. See how some of the words are repeated? Right. Well, can you crack it? Might give us a clue where he went. Eventually, but I've got a lot of reading to do. All right, well, start chipping away. I've got not one, but two surprises for you. This isn't Tate's blood. What? I checked his hospital records. Tate's blood type is AB-negative. This is O-positive. Surprise number two? I compared the sample against the one we found on the fence. It's the same. And it's mutated-- triple helix. We have another infectee on our hands. So Tate didn't break out alone. More likely, someone else who was infected broke him out. Check the infected sample against the Big Horn crew manifest. What would one of the crew members be doing here with Tate? I have a feeling that'll be our third surprise. FENWAY: Whoever broke Tate out cut himself pretty badly. We should be looking for someone with an injury. I need a shovel. Do you have a shovel? Do you have a pick or an ax or anything? Okay, I know that you're not going to scream while I'm gone. And I know that you're not gonna try and run away, right? I've got the DNA sequence on the blood drop you found. FENWAY ( over phone ): Okay, now, I want you to bring up the Big Horn crew manifest and go into the DNA profiles for the missing crewmen. Stand by. How'd we get DNA samples from people we can't find? Do I ask you how to shoot people? It's one of the first things we did. We sent med techs to the crewmen's homes and collected, uh, hair follicles, dandruff, toothbrushes... I've got the profiles, Dr. Fenway. Right. ( phone rings ) Cavennaugh. What do you got? Separate the ACTG string with the new sample. Cross-check it against the profiles. See if we come up with a winner. It's Lieutenant Novak. Raymond Novak. Well, we better let our search teams know they're looking for both Tate and Novak. BAYLOCK: Anybody want to hazard a guess as to why he was so keen to get inside a mental ward in the middle of Nowhere, Ohio? They got to be working together somehow. BAYLOCK: We'll run a background check on Novak and Tate, see if there's any connection in their past. Why don't we just ask Tate? The BOLO panned out. He's been spotted about five miles from here, at a construction site. AGENT: Richard Tate! Stop right there! Freeze! Go! Go! Mr. Tate, come on out. We know you're here. I got him. This way. This area's secure, right? Yes, sir. Perimeter is secure. He's here. Find him. You have two options, Mr. Tate. You can climb on down, hassle-free, or we can go up there and drag you down, and trust me, you won't enjoy that. I'm not going back! Climb on down! Now! Nice and slow. There you go. You don't understand. I understand, trust me. Now climb down. Tate, stop! No! No! No! Please! What do you got? 600 pages, and here's what I know about our man Tate. His favorite dish is creamy tuna surprise, which they serve each and every Thursday. Couldn't have been much of a surprise. In fact, he's catalogued every meal he's had for the past 15 years. His vast canon of poetry has an annoying reliance on approximate rhyme. And before he started painting glass trees, he was obsessed with his old farmhouse. Drew hundreds of pictures of them. You ever break that mnemonic code? I think each word represents a number. I've got most of it figured out. It could be a set of coordinates. Longitude and latitude, maybe. Coordinates to where, his old house? Well, whatever it is, he went through a lot of trouble to encrypt it. Send what you got to Lucas. Maybe he can help fill in the blanks. Back to your cell. Those restraints going to be enough to hold him? He shouldn't be a problem. This man hasn't been infected. Are you sure? Mm. He has elevated theta-waves, which means he was exposed to the alien signal at some point, but not enough to mutate his DNA. Mr. Tate, my name is Molly Caffrey. I need to talk to you. Do you know a man named Raymond Novak? Does he look familiar to you? How do you know him, Richard? We're trying to find him, but we can't do that without your help. He came for me last night. Grabbed me out of my room. A guard tried to help me, but... Go on. While he was attacking the guard, I... I got away, I ran out, I found a hole in the fence. I ran down a ravine, I followed a creek, and I hid in the woods. He's gonna try and find me again. Why did he come for you? Because of what I know. And what is it that you know, Richard? Can you give us a minute? All right, we'll be just outside. I understand why you have trouble trusting people. No one wants to believe you, right? People can be pretty closed-minded. But I want to hear what you have to say. Tell me about your paintings. Glass trees. You saw those in your dreams, didn't you? How do you know about the dreams? Because I've had them, too. I've had the same nightmares. In the forest. You're not alone. There's a figure there. Someone you can't quite make out. But he's watching you. How would I know that if I wasn't telling you the truth? I know about the aliens, Richard, and I want to stop them, too. Now, explain why this man broke into the hospital to get you. What did he want? You have no idea what you're dealing with. The nightmares are only the beginning. That's how it starts. And then, there are headaches. And then, people change. And then, they try and kill you. How do you know? Have you seen this happen, Richard? Richard? ( Tate sobbing ) Richard? ( sobbing ) You have to let me go. You have to let me go. ( screams ): Please, let me go! Let me go! Shh, shh, shh, shh... It's okay. It's okay. Please! Let me go! Please! Please! CAVENNAUGH: It's okay. It's okay. Mind if I ask what you're looking for? Federal matter. I remember the night this happened. Everybody knew the Tates. Nice family. Shame that lunatic had to torch them. We can take it from here, thank you. Have fun. Let's get copies to Ramsey, bring him up to speed. All right. YOUNG TATE ( on tape ): My dad went into the basement, so I locked him down there. I could hear him banging on the door, saying he was gonna kill me. I went out to the garage and got a gas can-- the five-gallon one. I even poured it on my mom and brother. MAN: And they didn't try to stop you? TATE: I told you. They were already dead. But I had to be sure. I grabbed some matches off the kitchen stove. And? I told you what happened. I've told you a million times. I'd like to believe you, son, but frankly, you're not making a lot of sense. Why would your dad kill your brother? And why would your mother kill herself? I don't know. They changed. You know what I think? I think you were really mad at your family. No! I think you were so mad, you lost control. You didn't know what you were doing. They weren't my family anymore! Right, right. The, uh, headaches and the nosebleeds and the... and the- the strange dreams... My mom's face started to change. My dad stabbed Andy with a butcher knife! We'd like to confirm that, son, but you didn't leave us a lot to examine. I'm telling you the truth. So, everyone in your family, except you, went nuts and started killing each other. How do you explain that? I... I can't. Sound familiar? Same story we heard from Gunneson about the Big Horn crew. People getting sick, dreams, killing each other, themselves. Yeah, but this happened 26 years ago. The aliens were here before. I assume you got some sort of clearance for this. Assume whatever you want. Which one is this? This'll be the mother. Mutations. FENWAY: Poor woman. Excuse me. How in the hell could the police not notice this in 1979? FENWAY: Well, the mutations obviously continued postmortem. See where the jawbone migrated into the upper mandible? The bone underneath is white. This... this happened after the fire. And, if I'm not mistaken, Mrs. Tate has some new teeth. Six... incisors, to be exact. We're gonna need all three bodies shipped back to Threshold. You all right? 26 years diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic, locked away, pumped full of meds, and he was innocent! Why are you doing this? What do you want? What are you doing? No! Please, don't hurt me! Just tell me what you want! Speak again, and I'll kill you. I know you're not delusional, Richard, and I know that something terrible happened to your family and you were only trying to protect yourself... but I need you to tell me what happened when you were 13 and what Novak wants from you now. When I was 13, my-my family got very sick-- the nightmares and the headaches. But before that... What happened before that? Did your family see anything unusual-- uh, an object in the sky or...? Not in the sky. It was buried. Buried where? In our backyard. M-M-My dad and I were digging a well, and, um... there was a piece of metal down there-- an object... Wh-What kind of object? Describe it to me. It was copper-colored. It was about the size of a football. It wasn't made of copper because it wasn't heavy enough. And it-it looked real old and... it... it kept changing. Changing? Changing shape. We couldn't figure out what it was. And my dad was going to take it to my uncle's machine shop to try and make sense of it. And-And we decided to bring it in the house for the night and... that's when they started getting sick. Where is it now? Look, I-I-I-I just... I couldn't take the chance that anyone else would get sick, so I just... I just put it back in the ground where I found it. We found a drawing in your room of your old house. It had a series of coded words on it. Is it a map? Richard... is that where you buried the object? I threw it in the well. Why didn't you tell anyone this? Look, I-I told you. It just... it was too dangerous. People would've gotten sick. That's what Novak wants. He came for the object. He can't find it himself, and he knows that I can. Did he say this to you? He told me in a dream the night before he came. He said that we were connected and he said that he could find me because I had touched it. Get in here, Cavennaugh. ( over radio ): Copy that. Tell us where to find that well. One chimney. They only had one chimney. Two chimneys... two chimneys, two chimneys... two chimneys... Lucas? Ramsey. Any luck on those coordinates? Yeah, I think so. I did a little safecracking. I filled in your missing digits with random numbers and got 56 combinations. When I plugged them into the geographic database, the globe lit up like a Christmas tree. The coordinates ranged from Antarctica to Pakistan to the Red Sea, but I got one hit in Painesville, Ohio. What's there? Is it a house? No, uh, no houses. I tapped into the Lake County Title Bureau. Um, there's a subdivision there-- condominiums. When were they built? The permit was issued in 1985. What was there before that? What was there in 1979? Single family dwelling, three bedrooms, two baths... built back in the '20s. Did they have two chimneys? It doesn't say. I think I can get you a picture. How? The U.S. Geological Survey has a massive archive of aerial survey photos. Some of the more recent ones were taken with satellites I helped design. I've got a shot from the mid-'70s. I'm honing in on your coordinates. Got it. How many chimneys, Lucas? Two. One on either side. You are a prince. Oh, hey. I'm glad you're here. Let's take a break from saving the world to do something really important. Help me pick a font. How far have you gone? All right. Keep me posted. They've dug six feet, and so far, nothing. That's where I left it. You know, I-I've never seen the view out this window before. Do-do you see that water tower over there across the hill? Andy and I used to ride our bikes over there all the time. We used to climb to the top of the water tower. You could see the whole town from there. What did they do with my bike? Do you think they just threw it away? I don't know. Yeah, probably did. You're digging in the wrong place. That house he kept drawing-- it's not the house he burned down. It's the house where the cops arrested him the night of the fire. I checked the police report you gave me. It's about two miles east of where our guys are digging. You were burying the object there when the cops showed up. You lied to me, Richard. It's somewhere on that other property, isn't it? You can't go. You can't go there! Please! Look, I'm the only one who can go near it! I don't want anyone else to get hurt. She's unconscious. Let's get her out of here. Well, Tate was busy. This is Cavennaugh. Let's get a digging team in here. It's okay. Come on. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you're a good girl. Good girl. There you go. CAFFREY: It's Novak! You all right? Yeah. This must be the prize. Don't go near it. Whatever it is, it's active. Tell the data miners to widen their search. We're not just looking in the present anymore. Way ahead of you. I read the protocols, you know. I told them to start sniffing around as far back as the 1970s. They're going to have to go further than that. I had our geotechs analyze the soil in Tate's well. And? According to them, that thing was down there at least a hundred years before Richard and his father dug it up. A hundred years? We're going to need more data miners. It's composed of elements that aren't even on the periodic table. It looks like a super-dense alloy, but it's actually extremely light. I'm running a metallurgical analysis, but it's going to take a few weeks to even figure out what's holding this thing's electrons together. And watch this. CAFFREY: Huh. PEGG: Yeah. Some kind of hyper-dimensional properties. It's literally impossible for us to see it all at once. It's like that object we saw from the Big Horn. Yeah. It could be a hub fragment from another probe, for all we know. Whatever it is, it's emanating a weaker version of the alien signal. Oh, great. No, don't worry; it's not strong enough to penetrate this chamber. It sure as hell screwed up the Tate family. Only after they brought it in the house. What about that chick in the condo? Her DNA's clean as a whistle. She obviously wasn't in proximity to the object long enough for it to do any damage. It must've been buried under enough dirt to dampen the effects. Well, we all know this thingamajig may be stable for the moment, but I-I would feel a lot safer if it was somewhere else, like out of the building. We're preparing an underground storage bunker as we speak. It's a hundred miles from nowhere. So... what do we think Crewman Novak wanted with it? Maybe he was planning to propagate the signal somehow. Well, we've got him in isolation, and he ain't talking. CAFFREY: We know one thing. The rules of the game have changed. How do you figure? Because now we have something they want. You know, my eighth-grade class was going to take a field trip to Washington, DC. Needless to say, I never made it. Um... where-where is the, um... In a safe place. It'll never hurt anyone again. What's going to happen to me? We've arranged for you to be transferred to a new hospital. It's not like Bridgeview; there are no criminals there. You'll have more freedom, better therapy, a support system. Will I ever get out? I think so. Of course, we all know a sane man doesn't go around talking about aliens, does he? No, no. No, ma'am. We're going to keep an eye on you for the time being... make sure you're safe. C-Can I just ask you one question? Why didn't that thing change me? I mean, it got my whole family, and it just left me alone. We think it's because you were so young. Doesn't affect children the same way. That's why you were spared. Sometimes I wish I wasn't. I guess it's time for me to go. Listen... What you did back then... as horrible as it was... it was the right thing to do. And it took a lot of courage. I don't think many people in your shoes could've made that decision. Do you think you can stop them? It'll be okay. We have a plan. - A flaw? - The slightest flaw, Your Excellency. If you look deep into the stone... you will perceive the tiniest discoloration. It resembles an animal. - An animal? - A leaping panther. Yes. A pink panther. Come here, Dala. A gift to your father from his grateful people. Someday it will be yours. The most fabulous diamond in all the world. Come closer. Okay. Thanks a lot, fellas. Don't forget to take the wardrobe back. How do you want them, matte or glossy? I want it right away. I'm in a hurry. You can't rush a genius. I'll rush. Now, don't forget about the wardrobe. What you doing? Where is everybody? - Hey, you, come out of there! - Who is it? Come out of there, or we'll bust the door in! Just a minute. - Can I help you? - Where is he? - Where's who? - You know who. George Lytton. He owes me 40 grand, and nobody welshes on Big Joe. Now, look, Big Joe, I'm not a bill collector. I'm a photographer. Just took his picture. - What kind of a picture? - Graduation picture. - His what? - Graduation. Get him! They're worth half a million. We'll settle for 300,000. I'll do what I can, but the merchandise is extremely hot. You stay here. Come with me. Come on! - Pardon, madame. - Certainly. She's gone down. Come on! We must find that woman. - What was that? What'd you say? - We don't have much of a description. About 5'7", black hair, wearing a light beige coat. And the fools let that fence escape. He might have talked. - We will catch him. - We must. We must find that woman. She is our first positive link with the Phantom. - Yes? - Your wife to see you, Inspector. Send her in, please. All right, Henri, that will be all. - Hello, my darling. - My angel. Amber, how are you? Hello, Duchess. So glad you could come. Have fun, children. Hello. How are you? - Hello, darling! - You ever met Monica? Oh, but of course. You were stunning in your last film. - What's he say? - He says hello... and he would like you to meet his cousin. - His third cousin. - Oh, well, that makes a difference. - Who's that? - Princess Dala. Oh! Excuse me. Yes? Miss Angela Dunning. - Yes? - Your Highness? Yes. Well, here I am again, Your Highness. I was just having a cocktail party, and I saw you driving by. I just know you'd enjoy it. Yes, you'd just love it... Your Highness. Hello there. I can't tell you what an honor this is. Everyone's just dying to meet you. - Good morning, Your Highness. - Good morning. - You're a wonderful skier. - Thank you. Help! Help! Somebody's taking my sleigh. Amber! My dog. Leave this to me, ma'am. - What happened? - I don't know. Suddenly there was a man with a gun, and he took the sleigh and Amber. We'll only be here for a few days, my darling. It's going to be a wonderful chance for a beautiful vacation. Excuse me. I'm... My leg is caught. I apologize for this inconvenience. Do you know who that was? That was Sir Charles Lytton. - Really? - Yes. Oh, I am Inspector Clouseau. This is Madame Clouseau. All right. Thank you. Oh, I'm sorry, my darling. - It's all right, my darling. - Excuse me, please. - Do you know that you're really amazing? - So you've said. How you can manage on a police inspector's salary. How many women could save enough out of their housekeeping... to buy such a beautiful mink coat as this? Well, it's not easy. You are a constant and desirable contradiction. Oh, I'm simply a woman in love, my darling. My darling. I'm sorry, my darling. Please excuse me. It's perfectly all right. Oh, did I hurt you? Are you all right? - Yes, I'm fine. - You sure? - Yes, I am. - My darling, I'm so sorry. Darling, I have a little business to conclude with the manager. Yes? After which, I'll return to you immediately. Bye, darling. It's all right. - How did it go? - Perfectly. Come in. Her Highness Princess Dala is concerned about your injuries. Oh, well, please thank the princess... and tell her that there's nothing to be concerned about. It's really not too serious. In that case, Her Highness has instructed me... to invite you for dinner this evening, 8:00 at her chalet. Thank the princess. I'd be delighted to come. I understand you already know Signor Tucker from Lloyds of London. - Hello again. - Hello, old bean. - Your company insures the Pink Panther. - Yes, for half a million. - Pounds? - Sterling. The Phantom could not resist such a prize as the Pink Panther. He will most certainly make an attempt. But when he does, I shall be waiting for him. Excuse me. If I understand your theory, the Phantom is one of Miss Dunning's guests. That is the theory, yes. I would like to have from you... the names of those guests and the location of their rooms. Of course! I assume that the Princess Dala has the jewel with her. She'd only tell me it was in a safe place. I suppose if it isn't here, it's at her villa in Rome. My men are watching that villa. With such foresight and planning, how can the Phantom succeed? With such foresight and planning, he's already succeeded for 20 years. It's a mistake to underestimate him, as the inspector can tell you. The shrewdest, cleverest, most ingenious criminal in all the world. - And you have never even seen him? - Well, I've seen him once. Five years ago, I got a fleeting glimpse... Excuse me. Got a fleeting glimpse of him as he made his getaway. In a strange way, I also admire that man. He has... how would you say... a unique flair for the dramatic. - He actually waved good-bye to me. - Fascinating. But this time, gentlemen, I shall be waving good-bye to him... on his way to prison. Good evening. - Thank you. - Make yourself comfortable. Her Highness will join you in a moment. May I give you a drink? Oh, I'd like a brandy, thank you. - Oh, Your Highness. - Good evening, Sir Charles. Any news from the police about your dear little dog? They expect I'll receive a ransom note. I want you to know I am deeply grateful for what you tried to do. Ma'am, it was nothing. Thank you. - Please sit down. - Aren't you drinking? - I don't drink. - Not ever? I'm quite content with reality. I have no need for escape. I enjoy reality as much as the next man, but in my case, fortunately... reality includes a good, stiff belt every now and then. - On the other hand, I don't smoke. - You're right. It's a nasty habit. Here's to all those nasty little habits that we hold so dear. I beg your pardon? Well, let's just say in this case it means... your health and thank you for inviting me to dinner. It's not often I have the chance to dine alone with a beautiful princess. I hate to disappoint you, Sir Charles, but I'm afraid this isn't the night. - But I understood that... - We're having dinner, but not alone. At last! Hello! We've been through icicles up to our you-know-whats! Oh, Your Highness! I think it's just too darling of you to invite me here tonight. - You've just made Cortina for me. - Hello, lover. Oh, hello, dear boy. Now, don't you move a muscle, darling. Isn't he wonderful, Your Highness? Such a magnificent sacrifice. Good evening, sir. - May I have a cigarette, my darling? - Yes, of course, my darling. - There you are, my love. - Thank you. - Yes, sir? - Scotch on the rocks. - Thank you. - My pleasure. Thank you very much. Say, I'm looking for my uncle, Sir Charles Lytton. - Darling. - May I get you some water? - Hold your hands over your head. - Yes, my darling. Bend forward. - Oh, darling, I'm sorry. - Are you all right? Are you all right, my darling? What? - My darling? - I'll be right back. Yes, darling. Please. Yes, she's got a cough in her throat, you know. And what do you think? She turned out to be a man! It's true! It's quite true! You know, Your Highness, you really must let me give you a party. And I can positively guarantee it'll be a party to end all parties. - I'm sure it will. - Perhaps Her Highness has other plans. On the contrary. Sounds like fun. Will you include Sir Charles? Oh, no. Charles is having a fling in Capri. He has his own parties. Yes, I've read about some of his parties. They're wonderful. We call him the juggler. I've never really known a man like him. He can keep ten girls in the air at once and make each one happy. Amazing. Sort of a contemporary Don Juan. - That's it. - Ah, but there's a difference. Sir Charles' predecessor was forced to climb balconies and fight duels... and, as I understand it, keep his women separate and apart. Now, Charles, on the other hand, drives a Ferrari... enters with a key and resorts to collective bargaining. But they both have something in common. - And what's that, Your Highness? - Maybe it's best forgotten. Oh, don't be silly. Charles doesn't mind. - Everyone takes a potshot at Charles. - Go ahead, ma'am, shoot. Well, it seems to me, any middle-aged bachelor... who has never desired the basic rewards of wife and family... and finds it necessary to occupy the major portion of his life... making one conquest after another... is trying to prove something that he can never possibly prove. - And what's that? - That he's a man. - What? - Oh, you're joking! It's somewhat complicated, but basically sound. - Well, Charles? - Not very original. That particular theory has become rather a tired Freudian cliche. - But true. - I've never been on the couch. Not true. That's part of your problem. How refreshing to find royalty possessed of such a perceptive wit. Well, Charles, you going to take that lying down? Yes, as a matter of fact. Ma'am, my leg is hurting rather badly. May I be excused? - Well, I'll be damned. - I can't believe it. - The leg? - I haven't the faintest idea. Well, that just goes to prove there's a first time for everything. Got a terrific laugh anyway. Simone! Jacques, I'm still cold. Perhaps another blanket, my darling. Yes, all right, darling. There you are, my darling. - Yes, darling? - The light. - What? - I'm sorry, darling. It doesn't help. Perhaps a hot glass of milk. But I think the room service has finished, my love. Oh, yes, of course. I forgot. You see? They're all gone now. Oh, well. No matter. Well, you see... if my little pigeon wants a glass of milk... she shall have one... even if I have to force them to open the kitchen. She shall have milk wherever she goes, hot or cold. - Hot. - Yeah, I know. That's what I said. Open the door. Darling, I need to talk to you. My darling, I've sent Jacques for some milk. I only have a moment. - Well, let's make the most of it. - No! Stop it. - It was your idea. - Yes, but you're the wrong... The wrong what? Man? You think I was... No. I thought you were exactly who you are, but I'm too impulsive. I mean, this is not the right way. - Another time? - Huh? - Here you are, my beloved. - Thank you. It's all they had. Can't get a thing in this hotel. I had to force them to give me that. Never mind. My darling, lovely darling. What's wrong? My darling, your feet are like two icicles. Have you been out of bed or something? No, of course not. Oh, well, anyway, you warm them on me, eh? This is Princess Dala. My guests have gone... and I thought perhaps you'd come back and have a drink. I would feel better if we're friends. Oh, I would too, and I'd love to come, but my leg is rather painful. I'm sorry. Another time. Why don't you come up here? Because my leg is only bad if I walk too much... and I thought maybe you could do the walking and I could do the drinking. Unless, of course, you think it would be indiscreet to come to a man's room. I'll be there in five minutes. Good-bye, Sir Charles. Good-bye. Oh, I don't know what's wrong. I'm just a bundle of nerves. Well, don't worry. We've solved that problem before. - You don't mean... - Of course. - Oh, Jacques, I don't think you should. - Don't worry, my darling. - I shall do it ever so softly. - Oh, Jacques, are you sure? My darling, of course. It's always worked before. There's no reason why it should not work now. You just relax and leave everything to me. - Yes, my darling? - I don't think that's such a good idea. You mean that it's not helping? I'm afraid not. I think I'll just take a sleeping pill. Very well, my darling. I'll get it for you. And why don't you take one yourself? I... You need the rest, you know? Yes, I think perhaps I will, dear. Here, my darling. - Thank you, my angel. - Thank you, my angel. My poor Jacques. No matter. When you've seen one Stradivarius, you've seen them all. I hadn't realized it was so late. Come in, sit down, relax. Have a nice glass of champagne. - I told you I don't drink. - Oh, champagne's not drinking. That's the minimum of alcohol and the maximum of companionship. It's still against my principles. Oh, that's too bad. I thought it might break the ice. - You took me to task rather properly. - No, thank you. I thought your analysis was very perceptive. - But not very polite. - No, it wasn't. - What made you do it? - I resented you. I find it hard to understand a man of your reputation. You know, we both have reputations. Perhaps mine is a little more highly publicized than yours... but you have presented the press with a rather definite image. Yes, I know. - Well, are you? - What? What they call you. The virgin queen. I'm not the queen. That's only half an answer. The strong-willed ruler of ten million people, sitting in her ivory tower... untouched, unwed and unapproachable. If you had known my father, you would understand me. He was an absolute ruler. He governed his people with an iron hand... but he gave me a white pony for my fifth birthday. He was wrong about many things... but he made his decisions according to the ways of his predecessors. I learned the way of the West, so I've become a little of both... a paradox... and it is hard to reconcile the extremes. Have a glass of champagne. Does wonders for extremes. It's been known to launch some lasting friendships. - Don't you trust me? - No. - Are you afraid? - No. I was three years old when I rode my first elephant. I was six when I went on my first "safrari"... "frasari"... wild animal hunt... and I was ten when I bagged my first tiger. But I'll never forget my lovely little pony. When did you bag him? Oh, you're making fun again. You really don't like animals. Don't trust a man who doesn't care about animals... and don't trust an animal... who doesn't care about people. Why you don't like people? I like people. That's supposed to be me who doesn't... like people, right? If you say so. I don't say so. You say so. - Right? - I said so. And another thing you did, you didn't tell me the truth. - About what? - About champagne. About this. Oh, boy, did you fib. You said something about extremes. It does wonders for them. It does more than that. It makes your lips numb. I can't feel them. Are they still there? Let's have a look. You didn't tell me about that part. Won't do you any good. I can't feel it. Hoisted on your own petard. Oh, don't try to say that when you haven't got any lips. I'm plastered. - If that's the right expression. - Yes, that's the right expression. You're a fraud and a liar... and you think you are going to take advantage of me. Oh, no. You think I am. I know you are. That's the plan, isn't it? Feed me champagne... break down the inhibitions... and tallyho. No more virgin queen. Oh, we're all out of champagne. - I'll get another bottle. - Oh, no! I prefer to remain conscious... so I may view the attempted seduction at firsthand... because you've got a surprise coming, Charlie. I got friends in low places. You make one pass at me, and I'll sic him on you. Understand? If he moves a muscle, attack without mercy. You see, Charlie? You're outnumbered, two against one... and I don't care if you can juggle. - What? - I didn't say anything. Hmm? Cat got your tongue? Got his tongue? Mm-mm. My friend says he hasn't got it. - Then, why don't you say something? - I couldn't think of anything to say. Why don't you kiss me again? All right. You know what, Charlie? I could feel that one. Again. If I were my father, I'd have you tortured. No. If you were your father... I doubt very much if I would have kissed you. Good thinking, Charlie. Then, now that we've straightened out who I am... what are you going to do about it? What kind of a friend are you? You were supposed to attack. No friends, Charlie. Now you got me outnumbered. I thought we were friends. You are the juggler. I am the virgin queen. Somebody's got to win. Friends don't act like that. Want to be friends, Charlie, or want to win? You really want to know? What's wrong? I don't feel... I think I'm going... Good-bye, Charlie. Here, um... Darling. Dala. Ma'am? Your Highness! Oh, thank you. Up. There we are. Hello, Uncle Charles. George! Hello. Good morning. Listen, what about this nephew? - How did you find out? - I met him in the bar last night. That's what I was trying to explain to you at the window. - What happened to you? - Jacques dragged me back to the hotel. - I looked everywhere for you. - Well, I looked everywhere for you. In fact, I nearly climbed in bed with your nephew. - You what? - Don't worry. I took care of it. Well, he had kind of a heavy night. I almost put the princess in bed with him. - Really? - What you got there? A note to Uncle Charles. "Dear Uncle Charles, Don't worry about a thing. I've gone to see the princess to apologize for last night." Apologize for what? Nothing happened. It must have been rather embarrassing, expecting to end up with one man... She didn't expect to wind up with anybody. She just had a couple glasses of champagne and had to rest a while. - Of course. - Think of him taking over my room. - Well, didn't you know he was coming? - No. I haven't seen him for years. But who is he? What is he? Well, he is my nephew, really. He's my late brother's son... and I've been responsible for him ever since he was ten years old. I sent him to all the best schools in America. He did very well, as a matter of fact. He's just graduated from college. Look. Isn't he a bit old for school? Well, he did two years in the army. Then he lost another whole year after that to some strange tropical disease. Anyway, he's certainly attractive. There's a slight family resemblance. Otherwise, we have nothing in common. He's dedicated to education. He passed at the top of his class. Cares nothing about sports, and he's never once mentioned girls. Well, he may not mention them, but he's got a pretty good idea what they are. In fact, I nearly didn't get out of here last night. You're joking. It was a relief to get back to Jacques and his fiddle. Still, if we don't do something soon, he's gonna ruin everything. - You mean if I don't do something. - It shouldn't be too difficult. He's just a young man who's not been out in the world. That's because he's been spending all his time in the bedroom. - I'm surprised at you. - Oh, I can handle it. As a matter of fact, it might be rather intriguing... particularly if the family resemblance goes deeper than you think. I'm envious. Well, it seems that we're somewhat in the same spot, my love. You envy George, and I envy the princess. I really don't know what I'm going to do yet. I might even go back to college and get my doctorate. But I'm torn. I feel there's so many things to be done in the world... so many backward countries where I might be useful. I've even been considering the Peace Corps. You're certainly not much like your uncle. Well, I don't know too much about my uncle... except what I've read in the newspapers and magazines. - One certainly mustn't judge by that. - No? After all, whatever I am today, he made it possible. I guess everyone has at least one redeeming quality. Yes. Good morning, Your Highness. Hair of the dog. - May I present Madame Clouseau. - Good morning. - This is my Americanized nephew George. - Yes. We met at the bar last night. - How is your cough? - Oh, it's completely gone. Thank you. You should have a glass of this. It'll put everything in its right perspective. My perspective is excellent this morning. I see your leg is much better. Oh, it's a vast improvement, ma'am. Thank you. Very much better. We had a wonderful family reunion last night after we carried you home. - He's quite a lad. - So I've discovered. He's considering the Peace Corps. Imagine a Lytton in the Peace Corps. Be careful, or you'll be giving your family a good name. - Please sit down. - No, thank you. I was on my way to ski when I ran into Sir Charles. - Do you ski, Mr. Lytton? - Ski? - No, not very well. - You should learn, George. If it wasn't for this ropy leg of mine, I'd take you in hand myself. I'm hardly in your uncle's class, but I'd be happy to teach you. I'm sure Madame is an excellent teacher. She could surely get you started right. Well, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, yeah. Not at all. It would be a pleasure. Perhaps you'd like to come along now. George, you can't pass up an invitation like that. I haven't got the proper clothes, and I don't have any skis. Well, the shop will fix you up. Just charge everything to me. Thanks. Your Highness, hope to see you again. If you're back early. I'm leaving on the afternoon train. - Have a nice trip. - Thank you. - Thanks, Uncle Charles. - Have fun. - Good-bye. - Good-bye. - Mind her. She knows what she's doing. - I'm sure she does. - You're not staying? - No. We're off to the slopes. I'll get the door. So long, Uncle Charles. - Have fun. - Thanks. Just in time. Thank you. You sure you won't join me? Quite sure. - Do you have to leave this afternoon? - Yes. Isn't this departure rather sudden? Not at all. Why do you think so? Well, I just thought that after last night... My leaving has nothing to do with last night. - Hasn't it? - You don't know me very well. No, but I thought last night I was making some progress. That was champagne, nothing more. Well, whatever it was, it was very interesting. - I really don't remember. - That's such an awful old cliche. - It's true. - You know, the majority of women... they have half a glass too much and let down the barriers a little... then they wake up in the morning riddled with guilt... and think they can reclaim their virtue by saying, "I don't remember." Are you saying my virtue is not intact? - You know it is. - Then why should I feel guilty? You're not concerned about what happened. You're worried about what might have happened. That makes you vulnerable. That makes you a woman. You're an arrogant fool. Perhaps. But after what I just said, a real woman would've slapped my face. Whew, I'm glad that's over. Friends again? Friends. Good. Now the least you can do is let me take you to the station. - All right. - You really have to go, though? - Yes, I must go. - Oh, that's too bad. - Nothing I can say to make you stay? - Nothing. - What time do you have to be there? - 3:00. 3:00 on the dot, I'll be here, Your Highness. 3:00. Look, do we have to start the lessons right away? That's what we're up here for, is it not? I was hoping we could talk about last night. - We can talk about that later. - You were more fun in bed. - Would you do me a favor, Mr. Lytton? - Sure, if you call me George. Forget about last night. I was impetuous. I had too much to drink, and I'd just had a fight with my husband. It might be easy for you to forget, but I didn't sleep a wink after you left. It was a very frustrating experience. I'm afraid that's your problem, but I wouldn't make any plans. Oh, I never make any plans. I just sort of follow my instincts, you know? George, it's four miles down the mountain... and I'm a very good skier. You follow your instincts too closely, and you're liable to break your neck. Now, the first things to learn about skiing are the fundamentals. Let's see you turn around. It's not as easy as it looks. Let me give you a hand. Ah, let's try something easier. It's a lot easier, honest. - I told you to watch those instincts. - I'm busy. You watch them. - You're abominable. - Yeah, that's me. - The Abominable Snowman. - Now, George, stop it! Imbecile! Perhaps we'll meet again. - Good-bye, Sir Charles. - Just a minute. - That's him. There he goes. - Who? The man who stole your dog, in that little car. Whoa! - How's it going? - Fine. I'm going to miss her. Let that be a lesson to you. Never get too involved with your victims. - Shall we get out in the open? - No. It's a bit hard here. Come on. That's good. That's okay. Right, start. Give it to me now. - How close are they? - Now. - Sorry. Ready? - Right. Come on, little doggy. Here we are. Look out! She's got the dog. I will see you later. - You have a wonderful smile. - I have a great deal to smile about. I have Amber back, and I'm having a wonderful time. You missed your train. There's one at midnight and one in the morning. Perhaps I should arrange to have your dog kidnapped again. Then you'd be bound to stay. Did you arrange to have her kidnapped the first time? Of course. Well, I am willing to bet you 10,000 francs... that the Phantom is in Cortina at this very moment... even perhaps in this very room. How exciting. What do you think, Mr. Tucker? Oh, I agree with the inspector. You see, 10 of his last 15 victims have been guests at Angela Dunning's parties. What are you all talking about? - The notorious Phantom. - I'm afraid I've never heard of him. What little I've read about him, he seems to be quite a fellow. Believe me, there are few thieves who are as clever as the Phantom. Each theft is completely different and unique... classic in its conception. But I thought you were working on the theory that he does repeat himself. Only as far as Angela Dunning's parties are concerned. However, there is one other duplication... but that is his trademark, his calling card, so to speak. He always leaves a white monogrammed glove. Sounds terribly theatrical. Your Highness, if I were the Phantom, I'd have chosen my victim already. Really? And who would that be? Well, who has the most fabulous diamond in the world? - I suppose I do. - Exactly. The Pink Panther. Such a prize he could never resist. He would be bound to try for it. I'm afraid he'd be disappointed. The Pink Panther is in my safe at... Your Highness, please. Don't say it, not here. If I'm not being too nosy, Your Highness... I read somewhere there was some dispute over the ownership of the Pink Panther. It belongs to me. It was a gift from my late father. - I shall never surrender it. - Why should you? When the present government seized power... they claimed the diamond was the property of the people. There's even some talk of the International Court deciding the issue. Why don't I steal the diamond and leave that old glove behind? - You and I could split the insurance. - All right. - I feel like dancing. Your Highness? - I'd love to. - How about you, madame? - Yes, of course. - Your leg is better, Sir Charles. - What? - I say, your leg is better. - Oh, yes, much better. Thank you. You know, Mr. Tucker... - It's my beer, old man. - My hand. It burnt... I'm sorry. Sit down. Seems to be working out better than we expected. The only thing we've found out is that it's not here. You shouldn't have any trouble discovering exactly where it is. Her Highness seems to be completely captivated. I'd say that's a considerable exaggeration. You're either showing a touch of senility or you need glasses, my love. When I'm showing my senility, darling... you'll be occupying your time with your grandchildren. One has to have children before one has grandchildren. You wouldn't dare. Jacques would make a wonderful father. He has many redeeming qualities. Name one. He's kind, loyal, faithful, obedient. You're either married to a Boy Scout or a Dachshund. - And he adores me. - That eliminates the Boy Scouts. - Good night. - Thank you. - You seem to have lost something. - Yes. - How'd you like to borrow mine? - Thanks, Uncle Charles, yes. Madame. - You've been avoiding me. - That about describes it. - You know what I've been thinking? But nothing happened. What should have happened? . Nothing. But it gives you ideas. We should kill all the Krauts. We �ve got to go. Help me with the case. What about Gaelle? . We �ve no time. What do you want? . You have no right! This is an educational institution for children! Find the Principal. Children, stand to one side. Keep to the walls! We �ve searched all over and found nothing. Search again! Left at the bottom. Towards the sewers. Check the wardrobe! Weapons! Call the colonel! Did your brother know where we were? . He didn �t give us away. Somebody must have done. If not him, Gaelle. If ever I run into her again... Principal... what do you teach your pupils exactly? . Where is Louise Desfontaines? . I know nobody of that name. Your cyanide pill? . I �m scared. You don �t know what that means. Come closer. Come on. Let go of her! Recruiting women so young. I �m disappointed in Buckmaster. I �m going to need your services again. Your friends got away from me. Where and when was the back-up? . The back-up? . Don �t act dumb, I know the SOE �s methods. Louise knows now that I betrayed them. She won �t come to the rendezvous. She �s a woman who likes to take risks. If I talk, what �s in it for me? . Your freedom. To be tried and sentenced by the SOE? . You prefer us to torture you? . Tomorrow noon. Concorde Metro. Pont de Neuilly platform. Champagne? . Thanks. Thanks. Fabulous! Thanks to you, I �ll be back in the Colonel �s good books. What Colonel? . The one I �ll introduce you to tomorrow. Hold on, I �ll show you. Here, look. Honest, you �re the spitting image of his floozy. You �re heaven sent. Are you expecting someone? . No, nobody. Tell me what �s going on. Where �d he get this? . Ladies, what can I do for you? . We �re friends of Maria and Suzy �s. I need to talk to Maria. Come on in. My friends � friends are my friends! Pretty ones especially. It won �t take a second. Beautiful apartment you have. Congratulations. They raided the Institute. I know. We saw the Germans arriving. You want to get me in Heindrich �s bed? . That �s your mission? . You made a real fool of me! You �re all scum! You, Pierre, Buck and the whole SOE! The SOE? . What �s your cousin talking about? . I �ll never see Heindrich again. I �d rather die right now. You �ll get me in his room dead. Easy! That �s my shroud! What �s got into her? . What �s all that about Heindrich? . We �ll stay here now. Help me tie him up. I �ll warn Buck about the Institute. Stop! Calm down, Suzy. You can �t force me to see him again. Nobody can. All this over a guy. And a Nazi! I didn �t sleep with a Nazi. I fell in love with a German. It �s different. Stop! Listen... The only thing we want is for you to meet him. A moment, a brief moment. Jeanne and I will take care of the rest. You can �t let us down now. We need you. It �ll be fine. We were to get married in St. Germain. He bought me a wonderful dress. And you got him a uniform? . He joined the Hitler Youth to get into officer training school. Don �t make excuses for him. A Nazi or a Resistance fighter, it �s the same to me. No, it �s... It was marriage that repulsed me. Belonging to a man. It �s as simple as that. It doesn �t matter. You did right, if not for the right reasons. He never knew I was pregnant. You �ve got a kid? . I wouldn �t be a good mother. You got rid of it? . You gave it up? . A family in Liverpool. No more Nazi Dad and collaborator Mum. For him, the slate �s clean. No answer from London? . No! We have seven minutes before she has to stop transmitting. Do you want a coffee? . A real one? . 100% black market. Suzy �s cut up about what she did. Why? . Maybe she �d have been a terrible mother. How can you say that? . except dying, nothing worse can happen to a kid. There �s always worse. Pity isn �t your strong point. Try to be a little bit human for once. In the train, I found out I �m pregnant. I can �t be more human. My husband and I had been trying for kids for years. London �s come through! And? . Buckmaster asks you to make contact tomorrow with a certain Melchior. Saturday, 3rd June, 1944 Natural History Museum, Paris The elephant has a broken tusk. Louise? . Follow me. The operation �s planned for noon on the platform at Concorde. Gaelle gave us away. Why does Buck want her back? . He �s sure Heindrich will be there. You will execute him. In the Metro? . In public? . Safer than the Regina. You don �t trust Suzy anymore? . Only to lure him in. For the rest, Buck prefers to rely on you. In the Metro, some of the staff will help. To carry it. Is that okay? . What about my brother? . Any news? . He �s still alive. Any hope of him escaping? . Buck doesn �t want you to endanger the operation. I always see my missions through to the end, but I won �t let my brother be beheaded as a spy. Jeanne? . You bastard, you stole a Jewish family �s place. I didn �t steal it, it was empty. What a creep! I had connections, that �s all. I �m going to kill him. Not yet, we still need him. Me? . What for? . The Allied offensive, heard of it? . A lot of hot air and no action. Funny guy! Soon there �ll be no Boches in Paris. If I lend you a hand, you �ll tell the Brits? . Start with the Germans, end the war with the Brits. How French can you get! And if I refuse? . My whole family was sent to the camps. You know what that means? . If you refuse to help us, it �ll be my pleasure to kill you. Okay, that �s settled. I �m your man. On the platform, if there �s trouble, sit tight. There �s three of them. Two with Gaelle, one by the steps. And Heindrich? . Don �t know, no sign of him. The train will wait 3 minutes, we need to know Yes, I haven �t forgotten. Are you okay? . I �m fine, I �m not ill. I just wish I were in your shoes. excuse me, do you have a light? . Thank you. In the office. Office Ladies and Gentlemen, there �s been an incident at the Champs-Elysees station. I �m waiting for the green light to go. Liliane! No! Louise, it �s a trap! Run! Block the exits! Check everybody �s papers! Stop the train that just left. Between two stations? . Impossible! Do it! Thanks! Too late. It �s arrived at Tuileries. Check that woman �s papers. Papers! But why? . Over there! Take her away. Louise, please. Help me. Do you forgive me? . Say you forgive me. Answer it, Eddy. Hurry up! Hello! What were you doing in the Metro? . Hello, Colonel. Tell me, Eddy. Sorry, I have to catch my breath. It was a close one. I nearly caught a bullet. Who was with you? . What do you mean? . I saw you on the platform at Concorde. Who was the woman who got on with you? . You were there? . You �re not hurt, are you? . Stop playing the fool and answer me! Actually, I was meeting someone I think you �ll like. She looks so much like her. Her twin sister, almost. Where is she? . She �s not with me now. She was passing through Paris and leaves later today. Are you still there? . Yes, Colonel, I �m listening. Find her, and bring her to the Regina at 6 this evening. Did you hear me? . It �s your last chance, Eddy. Your last chance. We have to leave, fast. Not until we complete the mission. We can �t back out now. Take me to him. Louise Desfontaines, Granville �s widow. Sister of Lt. Pierre Desfontaines of the SOE, arrested by the Gestapo last year in Le Mans. How moving to see a family reunited! Why have you tried to kill me twice, Louise? . Why was the geologist so important to you? . What did his message mean? . As an only son, I thought a brother and sister �s love was the strongest. I wish I had a sister like Louise. I �d hate to have a brother like you. I spoke to Rommel �s secretary. The Field Marshal travels to Ulm tomorrow. He can see you in Berlin before he leaves. I need something to tell him. She can �t take much more. You can still save her. If I talk, do I have your word she �ll live? . I give you my word. I want your word as an officer. Stop! I beg your forgiveness. Louder! Speak up! The cubes... will be towed by tugboats. How can stone blocks cross the Channel? . They float. What? . You mean they �re hollow? . When they reach the coast, they �ll be filled with water so they sink near the beaches. Why? . To build a floating port with pontoons between them. An artificial port allows the Americans to land anywhere in Normandy. After the failed landing in Dieppe, it �s... your last chance to invade. Get to the Regina fast. Call Rommel. I �ll take the night train and be in Berlin early tomorrow. Colonel, with respect... ithout proof, you won �t convince him. You should take the prisoner. Good idea. Organise it. Quickly! I �ll keep my promise. Your sister �s life will be spared. Untie them and give them some water. Now. This is Lt. Becker of the SS. Put me through to Field Marshal Rommel �s office. Yes, I �ll hold. Melchior speaking. Delighted to see you again. Antoine? . Room 813. Follow me, miss. Open your bag. That �s good, go ahead. Is something wrong, miss? . Everything �s fine, thank you. Liliane... For 3 years, I refused to believe you were dead. Why did you leave? . Our love was doomed. Give us another chance. Come with me. I �m leaving for Germany tonight. Did Buckmaster send you? . You �re one of his agents? . Don �t let them sully the beauty of what we had. Quickly! Upstairs! Hold on. How did it go? . Where �s Suzy? . I don �t know. Hold on. Give me your gun. What for? . The mission �s to kill him. You �re mad. Not here! Who �s this? . A friend of Louise �s. Buckmaster sent me. Drive! You should never... have used her! You will be transferred to La Roquette prison. I �m taking your brother to Germany with me. It �s probably the last time you will see each other. Take him away! No! No! No! No! No! A doctor! Fast! The only thing I can do for you is to commute your death sentence to deportation. What do you choose? . execution. I �ll make the arrangements. Take him away! Do you need help? . Hold your fire or I �ll kill her! What about Gaelle? . - 2nd June, 1944 - Yes! - SOE HQ, London - Thanks! Goodbye. Gare de l �Est station, Paris I �ll create a diversion. Don �t worry about me. No! No! Let me through. I have a document for Colonel Heindrich. Go ahead. Colonel Heindrich! I �ve just spoken to Churchill. He insists on congratulating you and Jeanne personally. For that, Jeanne must be here. I rely on you to bring her home, personally. - August 1944 - Walked. The Liberation of Paris April 1945 Military hospital, London Thanks! Can I have a word? . Come in my office. These photos were taken by the Russians after the liberation of Ravensbruck. If, by any chance, you recognize Jeanne among these women... No! No! No! I �d like to be alone. - Yeterday moring at 2.41 am. - "May 8, 1954" General headquaters of General lsen Howe, General Tojo In 1949, Louise returned to France and married an architect. She was awarded the CroiX de Guerre and Legion d �Honneur. She died in 2004 at the age of 98, childless. This film is dedicated to the women who fought against Nazi barbarity. On the fifteenth of May, in the jungle Of Nool in the heat of the day ... In the coolness of the lake, He was at the spetteren ... Enjoyed the enormous pleasure Of the jungle. When told Horton the elephant, A small sound. Good morning class, are you ready? - - Yes. Spring but on board. From below, Tommy is on board. Katie, are you there? That's it. This is one of the most fantastic creatures Of the jungle, the aphid. To protect themselves Against predators ... He declared itself as a leaf. He has quite a strong grip. Come on small boyfriend, do not be shy. I think that I am mistaken, children. There are apparently no aphids in This area. They sit on me. I think I have a swallowed. Tommy, get him out. And there was a sour kangaroo ... The type that conviction, That they know better than you. They made every law, and claimed Each line ... As proclaimed himself head, Of the jungle of Nool. Why can I not The other children play, mama? How many times have I told you already ... That the jungle is no place to show as A wild animal behavior. Horton That is certainly eccentric. The kids learn so much from him. - - Learning for a few half-crazy yarn to be. And that is why my gebuideld Rudy. And while there kangaroo Stood at sneren ... Horton, I have the best time of my life, What will you show us soon? Vloog the weather plane along Specs Horton's ear. And he heard the weather. A very weak gejank, As a very small person cried for help. Do you know what he did? The fact that someone had Sitting on top of that small Specs substance. Or a family that could. A family With children who are just starting to grow. I want to continue living. I must go. Katie, you have now The responsibility. Wait. Come Back. I hear someone. Give me die. Loud the alarm. Sorry, I will even take place? Sorry Wickersham's, I promise that I Later all cleanup. Bring the elbows. I love the smell of bananas In the morning. Bananas in the hole. Come on boys, we are all mammals. I feel that the diplomatic process Beginning to break. There you are. I have you. Hello, children. Now you are safe. I know that I have heard you say something. I know it. Where are you? There is that Specs and cried for help. The Specs cried for help? I mean that Specs not. That is ridiculous. Did you that I referred to? No. That Specs could not call for help. Come on. Do agree normal. There is a small person that Specs, And it has my support. Absurd. There are no people that are so small. Well, maybe they are not small. Maybe we do great. No, really. Think about it once. If there was someone even now, Completely beyond ... Now at our world at the neerkijken? And for them, we are the substances. And then someone comes along there, and who says: 'There are no people who can be so small. " Then comes the first boy along, which says: 'Just call me a liar you'? Then along comes the second boy, who says: 'If the shoe fits, pull him. " Then the vuisten fly in the round, and The first boy grabs a brick ... You may want to close the pockets zippers For the next part. Vetzak Well, do you want something from here? There is nothing that Specs. But I have heard. - - Do you really? Jeetje. Why is it then, that I hear nothing? Well ... If something you can not see, hear, Or something can not feel ... There is not. And believe in small imaginary people, Is not something we do. Of tolerate here in the jungle of Nool. Really? Because I think if I Really try ... I think that anyone who believes me. - - You argue is not that something. Whatever you say, no word of which lie Against someone else. And certainly not against the children. I do not want you poisoned their brains With this nonsense. Our community has standards, Horton. If you are part of a stay, I suggest that you follow. One fine day continues. Well, I will think about it, I Certainly appreciate your input. I do not understand. I know that I have heard you. Just as clear as the nose on my face. That's it. Perhaps you can not hear me. Sure. Your ears will be small. I must speak louder. Hello. Some people think beyond Who might that I know ... And who will agree, With that sour kangaroo. There are no people, As small as a mite. That may be, and they are there too. Because Horton was right. The single hello, traveled all the way to The Specs by air ... Until they found a small town. A town that was called Whoville. Because there lived the Who's ... Happy and secure. They knew Only good news. To not aware that their world A Specs was a clover. To do not know, the sweet life that They knew, maybe beyond. The Mayor of Whoville, A man who called Mc'dot ... Was dedicated and honest and a bit strange. The mayor and his wife had A lot of children. Negenenzestig daughters, some Here and some there. Negenenzestig girls Worth, Sixty-nine girls to learn. But the mayor had but A few seconds for each of them. I have my 'whostery test' yet Done better. 'Whostery' that I still remember well. This is one of my girls. Hildy used my brush. - - Hooly used my brush. Look there again. Thus, all better. Could I please a 'Who phone' dad? Everyone in my class has one. Really, anyone? I will be thinking about. - - Papa, look. To. - - With a T H dearest, it is' tho. In Whoville tradition, not as Are you and me ... Is the oldest of the mayor, Of the next generation. And who was the oldest? The leader, big and strong? It was JoJo his son. The smallest Who of all. JoJo, which happens all. Not for you or me, that is clear, Jojo that his father's career did not want. But the mayor was simply By, for the complete mal held ... JoJo and sat there but continues to Silence, and brabbelde ka ka. Why he gets more time? - - That is not fair. Son, he ... - - And why was he not? I believe that the boy bang Was when he would ... His father might disappoint. - - You know what would be great? This is fantastic. Look at the men and women who These walls hang ... My boy you are part of a legacy Of a family that goes back centuries. You know what? Your grandfather Was mayor of Whoville. And, your overgrootmoeder ... That's right, all the way to your ... Great ... Not so great. Great ... Great. Grandfather. One day I hope to them. And one of the sizes to be. I say you JoJo, there's nothing better Than to be mayor. I may decide to sign, stocks Approve budgets supplement ... And in the dierenparade sitting on top of I The gigantic gehaktbal. One day, you can also, JoJo. One day you will be the weapon of Mayor. You should just ... You know what I mean? Well, dude ... I am glad that we are having this conversation Have had. That I now move on myself forward. Good. That must be comfortable. Nothing wrong with that, Horton. There is nothing wrong with that. Just you and me and the Specs With a light breeze. We are a club, we are a group, We can vote on an issue. We can be a secret society, That the power in the world. And nobody can enter it, Unless they wear funny hats. Listen, Horton. - - The president recognizes brother Morton. I am very glad that you think Specs Have found, and everything ... But you would have to think, Because for yourself. Why? You talk to a klavertje that Is not so good. Do you know what is not so good looks? You, who in talking about that Specs, Specs pretend that there is not. That has absolutely nothing bad Specs Said about you. Good luck with your imaginary Preferred. You know, that may Specs about me Think what he wants. It is a Specs. I can see what is on. Morton, how attaches the Specs and I Also ... The Specs you can never replace. I am only sad that I At this point should explain. That is fantastic, Horton. That really helps. Try it for yourself just And holding. I can see you later. Try it. What happens there? - - What? Nothing. We are doing nothing. We are totally alone. Who are we? - - Who, what, who? Did I do that? That I would never say. That would mean I was with someone and not alone. I tell it. You should to anyone Tell if someone comes here ... It would be very helpful. I am not sure why. We will tell it to anyone. And if we do that ... Against their will say that they No one should tell it to. Perfect. Well, I take a bath, because my skin very Dry, a bit of a mess ... While Horton could not keep his mouth, Specs that he has found ... And how he has rescued when Almost drowned ... Was the mayor's way To his work ... And found that not everything was On his route. But please do not give Horton debt, Because he knew not ... That small blow up ... - - And I threw it into the water. A big blow down. Hey Joe, do not work as hard. This luxury condominiums, building Itself almost. Look there again, I think they are Indeed build itself. Well, that can happen. The mayor knew that the unusual things He saw that day, had known ... There was a problem, although His will was strong ... You are late. - - Thank you, Mrs. Yelp. Nothing was ever went wrong in Whoville. We have everything we need, We have everything that we need. We like it in Whoville, We find it very nice. We are all very busy, Who the centenary of that going on, so ... So let this meeting To order call. Mr Mayor, I assume That what is good news for us? Well, it's news ... I do not know whether we are good or bad Call, or something. The point is ... I have observed that there is something raars On. In Whoville the last time. Are there good things on? Well you know, earthquakes, clouds Whirling in the air ... And it seems to me, just for Safety, we should consider ... Who the centenary of inside information. - - What should we consider? The centenary of Who should be postponed. What? Speak harder, man. The centenary of Who postponement, right? We are on the brink of a hundred years Whoville of happiness to celebrate ... And harmony, and you want the Celebration delay? And if Whoville now is not safe? - - There is always something wrong in Whoville. That has never happened and will never Happen, kletsende sufferd. The centenary of Who will continue Like the plan was. The mayor was only An idiot. There will from now on only But smile. I already have fifteen thousand friends. What do you mean, who does not look like me. That seems to me exactly. Ten years ago. Wait even once. Treat me as an idiot? I am not an idiot. See, I look like an idiot? You do not want me to answer that. - - I am not an idiot. He dares to call me a sufferd? I would never call someone a sufferd. He is a sufferd. - - Look you now agree. Look at your face. And I do not think that you are as good looks With a staple in your head. Thank you, Mrs. Yelp. - - Happy. Hello? - - Who's there? Hello? Hello. Who's there? - - This is the mayor. The mayor? I knew it. I knew that There was life in this Specs. The Specs? What Specs? Well, I do not know exactly how I must tell you this, but ... You live on a Specs. I regret, for its disagreement With you, stem from the drain ... But I live in Whoville. Well, then Whoville a Specs. Okay, okay, seriously, who is this? Who is this bird, from the province. No, this is Horton. I am an elephant. Okay, Horton, false name. Where are you? Well, from where you, I think I am in the air. Compared to you, I am enormously. What rather Quite a few said, because I am very fallen. I swim. Your whole world fits on a flower. My world ... You drive a little door, bird. Believe you me? Note what Happens if I put you in the shade. This is absolutely impossible. Dark. Light. Dark. Light. Light. You see it not? We have a couple of incredible Cosmic change ... Two different worlds, which A wonderful way of crossing each other's path. These colossal mine, which Yours minuscule. And yet, one way or another, We have managed to make contact. If you think about it is Quite surprising. Does everything well, down there? I do not know. Tell me, but you. You are the one who maintains the Specs. I am the person who Specs vasthou. I am the person who Specs vasthou. Makes you but do not worry, Mr Mayor ... Wait, please. What it all meant? The mayor had no idea. He ran to the office Dr. Larue. The headline of the best minds staff Who. This is insane. Mr Mayor, how can I help you? I do not know. I was wondering ... Our world as a, let me say, A small Specs was ... Floating in space, how would We know? Why do you like? - - Absolutely no reason. I remember I disagree. Yes, I do very much, you know what ... A boy talking to me, no elephant In the air, but a boy on the ground ... That would branches Move should be. Good ramifications. A small Specs? - - Yes, a small Specs. The float around. Then we would unexplained Earthquakes. Traumatische changes In the weather. And if we ultimately not some sort of Kind of stability reach ... Would our world ... Destroyed. - - Void? No, this is Benny, Horton Is now equally busy. I make a joke, I agree. We are verdoemd. - - Listen, Horton ... It seems that I your help A little bit need. Apparently, if it continues Specs move Will our whole world ... Can be destroyed. So you must, for us who's a More stable, safer home found ... And fast. - - No problem, Hr. The mayor. Once watch. That's a nice view. Hello? Is everything okay? What happens as above? This entire jungle is a house of death. Wait, there is a good spot. And then saw Horton, The top of the mountain ... Nool A small cave which peaceful and Silent and looked cool ... Where a sunflower proud And large grew out of the ground ... He knew there would be any Who safe ... And healthy. - - I have found, mayor. The perfect place. Exactly above. On top of the mountain Nool. - - Hr. The mayor? I wish you ... Glossy. The committee of the centenary celebration Who, Is for you to wait for ... Look at the huge gehaktbal, For the animals parade. And then you go to the dentist, Who's your tandwortelbehandeling. You know, Who put everything down, That's where the pain of not less. Wait ... - - Time. I would not go that far. Horton Listen, I gotta go. There is apparently A problem with the gigantic gehaktbal. Ensures you for that gehaktbal, Mr. And let it get excited But to me over. So began Horton, in his honour Promised long way ... Determined the small world On the Specs rescue. Horton was steadfast faith and Of its kind ... I have you, do not worry. He was a brave hero. At least in his mind. - - We should be invisible ... Travel in silence, because there are forces that Looking to destroy us. You think you can against me, right? It is clear that you are not a party For my technique. I see you the way Of the breaking branch 'contract. See how I can buitelen. Horton let's go. You walk on the ground, but The kangaroo has monkeys. I will make monkeys of those monkeys, That is their fate. Horton is the biggest hero of all. Horton, Ga. No, that direction. To the top of Mount Nool, if Fast as light, I am now underway. Sorry, little guy. It seems to be well with you, think Just healing thoughts. Horton, look. We all have our own Clover, worlds on it. In my world everyone is a pony ... And they eat all rainbows, Poepen and butterflies. This is beautiful, Katie. In a strange way. - - My world is Jessica Land ... And everyone worship Queen Jessica, because Jessica is so beautiful. Jessica? That was fantastic. Mama, do careful, my Frederick best friend lives there. Rudy, no one lives it, That is not possible. This is a lastpost Horton. - - Mama, you are so strange, do not satisfying me. Lieverd, go to your room. It is good. - - What do you think you are doing? You guys are in trouble. Have you forgotten what we Discussed? No, I am an elephant. Elephants never forget. It's actually a curse. I remember I believe that I stood on my head ... And you said m.., And I looked up and you said, "What are you doing'? ... I said that thing about that Specs, and You attracted to my ears ... And you pulled me to my forehead. That you have done. Give me that clover, Horton. Now. No. No. - - Yes. Are you sure you this struggle Want to fight, Horton? Because I can promise you, it is very common, Very rapid. And you should ask yourself, I Really all go through? For a clover? Take it from me, Horton ... You do not want to. So give it here. No. I can not give you. There are people in this Specs. Admittedly, these are very small people, But one man is a man. It does not matter how small. You are just over the line, Horton. And I leave you pay. Those Horton is a lastpost, he leaves The children use their imagination. It is sick. I have this Specs to the top Of the mountain Nool, z.s.m. What that means, probably As soon as possible ... I mean, how hard can that be. It's just a straight fall, To a certain death. This looks a little fragile. Do not worry. Apparently, when they bridge Built, so they take into account ... That elephants here over Would go. Yes, it feels good, I will just ... Courage. - - That is true. Hello, how are today, Mr Mayor? Say once A. Uitspugen, please. I think a couple of these Planks can be replaced. I have just slightly thinking. I am light as a feather. I am light as a feather. Heavy Feather. This will be a little bit hurt. I am lighter than a feather. What is lighter than a feather? Lucht. There is nothing lighter. So, in my opinion ... That the more air ... I Even lighter ... I will be. Next, please. - - Well that was absolutely appalling. If I myself simply print ... Try not panic. That was a catastrophe. I am now very good. Maybe that's because I now Have a new goal. JoJo, I need your help. Can you help me? Well, first I want you to The girls their rooms. Take Hedy's saved collection account, And look not so in my arm ... Mount Hooly's collection, And then, you know what ... Let's make everything can break Or in pieces may fall. Look very good ... Understood, thanks, JoJo. Here and there ... Hello, you are late home. - - Sorry treasure, I had just ... Something to the dentist get things done, To my arm. What was that ...? What are you going to do? - - What do you mean? I am not a detective Ned, but You hanging on the chandelier. I thought it looked better, So it can not fall on us ... And platdrukken us while we sleep. What's going on? Treasury, have you ever felt ... That looked to you? Yes, certainly. That, I think so. - - And then you get the feeling ... That the thing that you look, Perhaps ... A huge elephant. And then you get that rare feeling that Your world is a small Specs. And that elephant, I just To talk about was ... Around contributes to a flower, And then you realize you ... That if someone tells you that, Think that you are crazy, but ... You always feel the responsibility To keep everyone safe. Do you know that feeling? Are you? I have no say. Do you know that feeling? No. I think it is time to Under the wool to creep. Lieverd, I know that you under A lot of stress ... And if you see elephants and flowers ... Then this is good. But tell anyone That story, right? And remember ... It is not the end of the world. The end of the world? Horton to the mayor. Receives me, mayor? I have a terrible reception. And so then? When I very close Come, can you hear me? Yes, as I have received. Are we already in this safe place? Almost. I am sure that The worst part is behind us. Here speaks your elephant, take a seat, enjoy Of the journey, and we are at the mountain Nool. No, you can not ice at Breakfast. Who's that? Is there still someone else? Those are my wife and children. Do you have a family? - - I have certain. A beautiful woman, Ninety six daughters ... And a son. Currently owners. - - We all share a bathroom. You know how that is. - - So what if I know. Bathroom? Lieverd, you know that you are on the roof? What's that? No, you have to go to bed, dad To the collapse. What are you plans now? I wanted the kids just go to bed Do, if I am out of the roof ... And that's what happened. Right. Papa? - - Yes? - - Can I get a glass of water? Sure. - - Me too. - - I three ... A lot of liquid. You are just the person I need. Yes, I realize that the last time Do not agree with each other ... And this is the most my fault. It is true. Do you know what I have tried to do? I have my dream about your future Pushed up to you. Let me make this very clear. JoJo, you can each mayor, You want them. Practical, strong and silent, frankly, That is your choice. Well, I feel much better. I expect great things from you, Young man. Big things. Well, sleep tight. Good stuff. Good call. When demolition JoJo to the outside, he felt Are lonely and sad ... Tragic enough, not understood By his father. And where did he go so late? To leave Tower of Whoville, Study where she stars ... A place where the boy is Felt satisfied, and freedom ... A place where he could, What he wanted. And what was inside? I would Knows if I could ... But that the top was the kangaroo Nothing good plan. Allow me now to the outside world, mama? - - No, Rudy, stay in your room. But mama ... - - Stay indoors. At the dinner, go away. - - I know that you are busy, but I ... I need your help. It is Horton. He has become possessed Of a clover. And he thinks that there is really little people On. I want that clover destroyed. - - Of course, this is a big thing ... For you. I would have done it myself ... But because I am a lady, I Prefer not to dirty my hands. But I have heard that you No problem with it. No, no problem. Easy enough, but ... I do this only for a price. In return for a couple of brand new ... No, these small kangaroo. What Rudy? Mama thinks there about it. No thanks, after having been thought about Having ... I think that I Wickersham brothers, For me this late refurbishment. Yes, of course, Wickersham's, which A smart company. Wait ... No, you can not go to Wickersham. No, Wickersham are perfect For this job. But that his monkeys, that is not scary. Yet thanks, maybe next time. Wait. This is what I will do, which Clover beloved ... I will be addressing, I will Vermorzelen the ... And I will verslinden. Larger than it looks saw A moment. Wait. Then I set-aside ... And then I go the second time Verslinden. So twice devoured. That's nice. But I think that I The Wickersham's go talk. Wait. Here is the best part ... I do everything ... Free. That is no cost. What do you think? Agreed. - - Yes, scored ... I thank you You will not regret it. Mayor. Doe open, Hr. The Mayor. Come here please. The snowing. In the summer. Yes, that's it. It is a dramatic change In the weather. As if we Specs, That were floating through space. I am not like you knew. But One way or another, you knew that. And Whoville is on the road to disaster. What? - - Nothing. I will participate in the corridor. - - It is up to us ... To the people of Whoville to save. Even someone? Good. No, no statue. This is not fun, this is a kind From the end. Lieverd. No, danger. Keep away your fun. This is dangerous. We are big problems here Down. It's done, snowing. Middle of the summer. It is the end of the world. Wait, Mayor. I think I know what your problem is. Is it better? That seems to have worked. Voham peanuts? - - Yes, that is my favorite snack. But that still hang a bit. Frederick, no. Wait, Hr. The Mayor. I should perhaps even fighting. Found elephant can be very dangerous. You are to gedonder, buddy. If you withdraw into trouble, you can You eat a salad bar. Take a bite. I heard you run. - - Morton? Do not. Horton, there is you. We have problems. Hoorde you know? No, I am here, okay. Listen. No, Ga. Kangaroo, is crazy. Knettergek. She tells everyone that You must be from geschopt Nool. Did they say that? I thought we were friends. I have heard that they Vlad Is gone. Vlad. I know Vlad's two. Is it the bad Vlad, or rabbit Vlad? That makes the biscuits. Yes, Horton. They will send you a rabbit With biscuits. I think we can assume, That the bad Vlad. Yes, that is good thought. So, if you are okay with giant Razor-sharp claws ... That the meat of your body Cracks ... Make sure you lose clover. - - I can not. I am the mayor promises. I thought what I said, and I said what I thought. And an elephant can you One hundred percent confidence. Please, for me, for once ... Pointed than reliable for Ninety-nine percent of the time. I have never ninety nine percent Something. I think I am fantastic, So come on. I thought what I said, and I said what I thought. I say not. You can do that all day, It is not done. An elephant can you One hundred percent confidence. That's right, that's my code. My motto. But thanks for the warning. Motto, okay. But let on the air. Note the air. Mayor, you have everyone Under the ground to win. Now. I would not alert, but there Is a good opportunity ... That we are attacked by A giant carnivorous bird. - - What? There is a small chance that a rabbit With biscuits, but I would not count. They are ogromno. - - Mayor, are you there? Yes, that's a great idea. It is only ... To get everyone mobilized an operating system, I The approval of the municipal council. And they never listen to me. I am already a few times a sufferd. I can not do that. - - You must talk with them, Mayor. Well, listen ... That is absolutely no rabbit. I am rid of him. Wild lose him, And I lost him. Is this tree really? - - Shut up, Whoville. This is hard to it. Now go get it. Get ready for the best. Leave me alone. I know that somewhere he emerged jumps. - - Hello. Checkmate. Now it's time for me to take the clover, And all the little people shelf pressing ... Sorry, we are going to look like. Right in my beak. Nice line, I am sorry that those things No later can imagine. Mayor, everything is well with you? Well, more or less. What happened? The bird? Yeah, it was me. Mayor ... Your people are in danger. You know what? I will do it. I go there, and I go they Tell what is going on. Perfect. Now, fast. Hr. The Mayor, there is something Not good. My basement is in the attic. The wetenschapsmuseum, is history. What's going on the hand, Hr. The mayor? I declare that there A state of emergency. Do not worry, the mayor Doing only if he is an idiot. Whoville is in terrible danger ... Everyone must immediately Underground storage. Let this democratic. Who does the joy and glory of the Centenary celebration ... Of Whoville to continue as That the plan was? And who, as the mayor ... Think it is better to the Centenary celebration of the Who's ... To relatives underground Storage. Yes. Wait, you must listen to me. Our whole world could explode. Still much faster. And our world Is not that sound. The people have spoken, Hr. The Mayor. It has ended with you. Nobody believes you. Nobody supports you. Horton believes me. Who is Horton? Horton, is a gigantic elephant In the air. You do not have to look, he is Invisible. And he is the one ... That his life Ventures, to ensure That Whoville ... That fact on a Specs A clover is ... In security. I can prove it. The voice of Horton Comes from this horn. I have collected all the Who's In the town square. Let them know that you are there. This is a situation with a lot of Tension. I am actually a bit here. I know. Horton, we wait. Time for everyone to show that You, and ... And to add that I Sufferd am not. Wait. Everyone, look at the wind. What do you think that means? It means ... Apparently ... Let the kite race. What a pity for you, Horton. My brain freeze. Give me back my Specs. This time not, boy. I am sorry that I can So disappointed about. This is much bigger than me. Get the family together and care That they are somewhere safe. That I will do. I believe you. Now I have you, elephant. No. No. Mayor? Is there someone? Someone? Klaver for clover he found, but the person He was looking for was not around. Mayor? And by the afternoon, was poor Horton, More dead than alive ... And plucked and searched, and stapelde er ... Negenduizenden five. Hello? I am sorry that I fall hard. Nobody. Beat, beat. Now you should say: 'Who's there? If someone would be there. Snap? Who is there. The whole day he was looking for. He searched on. Until he had almost no hope. No, please, no. This is not fair. But wait. Would this be the one? Was all searching now finally done? Yes, this was the hour. Horton was found From three million flowers. Mayor, I have found you. Mayor, are you there? Mayor? Mayor? Mayor, are you there? Mayor? Mayor? Mayor? Mayor. No, this is Floyd. Can I adopt a message? Mayor? Everything is well with you Horton, then account. Sorry, it must be hard to toe Gone down there. I was worried about you The mayor was right. Papa. Everything is fine with me. And with you too. Residents of Whoville ... I want to propose to you Our friend ... Horton. He will help us go. I understood. This is the challenge. It has ended with you in this city. Have you understood. Ended with you, sufferd. I made a joke. That was a good one. - - This is my wife, Sally. You really exists. This means that My husband is not crazy. And a couple of my daughters, Hedy, Holly, Hooly, Hilda, and Heathy. - - Hello. And here is Mrs. Yelp, my loyal assistant. And this is doctor Larue. - - You have saved us. And Bert, from the province. And Mrs. Quilligan, and Hr. Farfoogan, Of the Cloogan Farfoogan's. And the old man in the bathtub. - - Let us not overwhelm the poor boy ... He will never remember all those names. I will try my best. Sally, Chairman, Hedy, Holly, Hooly, Hilda, and Heathy. Mrs. Yelp, doctor Larue, bert Of the province, Ga. Quilligan ... Hr. Farfoogan, Cloogan Farfoogan's ... And was not an old man In the shower. Bathtub. - - Yes. We are all here, Horton. And we all believe in you. That is fantastic. And that responsibility, please I do not lightly. I promise you a future that Safe, healthy and stable. We will create a world in which Who each, three indelible rights ... What at a later date Will be decided. And we will have a place on Specs Mount Nool, by the end of this decade. That elephant is crazy, big goodness. I have to tell everyone. I have to the kangaroo. Vlug, before being discovered. You had to see me, I Have the real elephant on its Thursday. I opgejaagd him, tortured him, and Millions of small pieces of broken elephants. It was beautiful, really my best work. Classic Vlad. - - And the clover? It has ended with the clover. Horton will in no million years. Listen, clover is forever gone. I saw Horton, and he still talks Always against the clover. Sounds crazy. I am a pro. You have the Against me. Come on, lets not forget I have done this for free. What happens to the jungle of Nool? There was once a time, when people People. And that substances, substances. I say, if you can not see, Hear or feel ... There is not. Our way of life is attacked. And who leads that attack? Wait. We talk about Horton. You all know him. He would not have a fly evil. Except for that flight where he was sitting. And he did not intentionally. Keep your head, mouse. - - Yes, that's strange. My brownies fires, I must go. Let us someone who difficulties Caused as Horton ... The spirit of poison our children? What? The children. If Horton tells the children, About a world beyond the jungle ... He let them doubt authority. What leads to ... Anarchy. - - Yes. Horton must pay. - - It is that Specs. We must do something. - - For the children. For the children. Let us get away with it here? Morton, I have told you, One hundred percent. Morton, even a bit ga Faster. I am not. I see, it's an angry crowd. Morton Sorry, I thought you It was that all that ... Damn. Race, Horton. Let him down. Let us deal with him. Hey boys, you saw that? All at once. You look good, as a flock. Look at this junk, you Have created for yourself. All that noise, on a stupid flower. It is a Specs. - - Right. It is really cheesy. All this talk, Your down, and in a cage stop ... We need not go into details. The point is, these angry masses ... All the difficulties in where you are ... Which can all leave. Really? - - Sure. You need only to Give to everyone ... That there are no little people live, That Specs. That you had wrong, and that I was right. If you do that, things again Just as if they were. But if you do not do so ... Then you pay the price. So, I should just say It is not true. Go ahead, bind me. Stop Me In a cage. Do what you want ... But there are people in this Specs. And there is a mayor, and Has sixty nine daughters ... And a son, who is called JoJo. They all A bathroom. What ever that may be. And even if you do not hear, Or see ... A man is a man. Does not matter how small. That was beautiful, Horton. Bind him, stop him in a cage ... Specs stop that in a pot with boiling oil. They do not believe that we are here. We need to make some noise. We see here. We are here. We are here. - - Come on. Everywhere. We are here. As you will never tell stories, About people on substances. Look, there they are. Bind him, stop him in a cage. - - It does not work. I can hear, but their ears Are not good enough. We have to be louder. Who should make any noise. Everybody. We are here. JoJo, where will you go? We have every vote. They should make some noise down there, Whether we are all destroyed. The mayor seized a drum, There and started it up. And all other Whoville's made noise. They ratelde on tin plates, Beat on pans ... Vuilnisdeksels on cranberries and jugs. They drew on a horn, and pushing Large tuba. And on drums and a flute. Can they hear us now? Listen, please. It is the most beautiful thing you ever Have heard. I hear nothing. I do not think so, but still Try. Are you sure that every Who in Whoville to try? Where is JoJo? - - Probably on the old observatory. There is a border. You hear that part not to touch. Did you build this? They make a mistake. This is not your dearest. Back in your pockets. Everybody. Non stop. Keep going. This should do it. Can they hear? - - No. Whatever happens, I had No better son might have. Come on. Keep going. No. Stop. I hear it. They are there. And that hole, that little extra hole, That did him. And all that noise Who cracks From the clover. I hear it. Me too. Rudy, give that to me. Rudy, go back into the pockets. Now. No, mama. Wickersham's grab that clover. Someone? Pak from him. It is your success, Mayor. It is your success. It is our success. Well done, son. Okay, mayor. - - Papa, you are one of the best. Quiet, everyone. Quietly. Hello, Vlad. That I should not have to do, but ... That's a nice gesture. I am hopelessly herein. Emotion. Here comes the water. There are so many people to thank. The good people of Nool ... Who stopped me in a cage, Prikte and me with sticks. That was me. - - My buddy, Morton ... Which was the only one who stood next to me. Well, not right next to me. He blocked in the groves, and sent Good thoughts to me. Klein. - - Maatje, you are a warrior, poet. And I want to the mayor Of Whoville thank. Those from the beginning believed in me. We will miss you. What should we do without you, Horton? Do not worry, I am Always in the neighborhood. And even if I wonder, I keep it for myself. You are a candle in the window. On a cold dark Winter's Night. - - A great example. And so it all ended well, Both Horton and the Who's. And for all there in the jungle, Even kangaroos. So let that be a lesson, And one for all. Yeah! On the 15th of May, in the jungle of Nool, in the heat of the day, in the cool of the pool, he was splashing, enjoying the jungle's great joys, When Horton the Elephant heard a small noise. Horton! - Horton! Good morning, class. Are you ready? - Yeah! - Jump on board! Look out below! Tommy's on board. Katie, you there? Okay. There it is. This is one of the jungle's most amazing creatures, the leaf bug. In order to protect itself from predators, it disguises itself as a leaf. This one's got quite a grip. Come on, little buddy. Don't be shy. I guess I was mistaken, kids. There are obviously no leaf bugs in this area. Even if... No, they're on me! I think I swallowed one! Tommy! Pull it out! Uh, okay. Then humpfing a "humpf" was a sour Kangaroo, the type who's convinced she knows better than you. She made every law and enforced every rule as self-proclaimed head of the jungle of Nool. Why can't I play with the other kids, Mom? How many times have I told you that the jungle is no place to act like a wild animal. My, that Horton certainly is eccentric. And the children are learning so much from him. Learning to be a bunch of harebrained half-wits! And that's why my Rudy is pouch-schooled. So while Kangaroo stood there, sneering a sneer... Horton, that was the best time I've ever had in my life! What are you gonna show us next? ...once again, the speck floated right by Horton's ear. Then he heard it again, just a very faint yelp, as if some tiny person were calling for help. And you know what he thought? Why, he thought that there must be someone on top of that small speck of dust! Or even a family, it just might be so, a family with children just starting to grow. I want to live! I gotta go. Katie, you're in charge! Wait! - Come back! Watch it! One more! One more! One more! - I hear someone coming! - Give me those! Wait! - Sound the alarm! Excuse me. Pardon my stampede! Sorry, Wickershams! I promise I'm gonna clean all this up later! Bring the ammo! I love the smell of bananas in the morning. Banana in the hole! Come on, guys! We're all mammals! I feel the diplomatic process is beginning to break down. There you are! I got you! Hi, kids! Wow. There. Now you're safe. I know I heard you say something. I just know it. Where are you? Horton! Sorry! I just... There was this speck, and it called out for help. - And I was... - The speck called out for help? Well, not the speck. I mean, that's ridiculous. Is that what you thought I meant? No, the speck can't call out for help. Come on, get real. No, there's a tiny person on that speck that needs my help. Absurd. There aren't people that small! Well, maybe they aren't small. - Maybe we're big. - Horton. No, really, think about it. What if there was someone way out there looking down on our world right now? And to them, we're the specks. And then, maybe someone else will come along and say, 'Oh, there can't be people that small', and the first guy would say, 'Are you calling me a liar? ' And the second guy would say, 'If the shoe fits, wear it! ' And now the fists are flying, and the first guy picks up a brick, and you might want to zip up the pouch for this next part. 'All right, fat boy, you want some of this...' - Horton! - What? There is nothing on that speck. - But I heard. - Did you? Really? Oh, my. Then how come I don't hear anything? Well... If you can't see, hear or feel something, it doesn't exist. And believing in tiny, imaginary people is just not something we do or tolerate, here in the jungle of Nool. Really? Because I bet if I really tried, I could find somebody who'd believe - what I've been saying. - You will do nothing of the sort. You will not breathe a word of this lie to anyone else, especially the children. I do not want you poisoning their minds with this nonsense. Our community has standards, Horton. If you want to remain a part of it, I recommend you follow them. Have a nice day. All right, then, I'll take that under advisement. Certainly appreciate your input. I don't understand. I know I heard you. It was as plain as the nose on my face. That's it. Maybe you can't hear me. Of course! Your ears must be tiny. I need to speak up. Hello! Now some people out there, I think I know who, may find they agree with that sour Kangaroo. "There can't really be people as small as a mite. " Well, there can, and there are, because Horton was right. Hello! That single "hello" traveled all the way down to the speck, through the clouds, until it found a small town. A town known as Whoville, for there lived the Whos, feeling happy and safe, knowing only good news, unaware that their world was a speck on a clover, unaware that the sweet life they knew might be over. - Over! - Under! The Mayor of Whoville, a man named McDodd, was devoted and fair and a little bit odd. The Mayor and his wife, they had children to spare, 96 daughters, some here and some there. 96 girls to love, 96 girls to teach, but the Mayor had only a few seconds for each. Daddy, I got better than best on my Who-story test. Who-story. I remember it well. That's one of my girls. - Hildy's been using my hairbrush! - Holly's been using my hairbrush! Look! Over there! There. All better. Can I please have a Who-phone, Dad? Everyone else in my class has one. Oh, really? Everyone? I will think about it. Daddy, look! Daddy, look! Toof. It's a'T-H', sweetheart. It's 'tooth.' In Whoville tradition, unlike yours or mine, the Mayor's oldest is next in the Mayoral line. And who was the oldest? To lead and stand tall? It was JoJo, his son, the smallest Who of all. So, JoJo, what's shaking? What's happening? What's the word? Now, to you or to me, it's abundantly clear that JoJo did not want his father's career. But the Mayor pressed forward, completely deluded, While JoJo just sat there in silence and brooded. Oh, JoJo! - Hey, why does he get more time? - That's not fair. Son! Hey! And why didn't he speak? Well, I think that the lad was afraid if he did, he might let down his dad. You know what's awesome? This is awesome. Just look at the men and women hanging on these walls. You, my boy, are part of a family legacy that spans centuries. You know what? Your grandfather was Mayor of Whoville, and your great-grandmother, that's right, all the way down to your great-great-great-great-not-so-great- great-great-great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great- grandfather. Someday I hope to join them. Be one of the greats. I tell you, JoJo, there is nothing like being Mayor. I get to sign resolutions, approve ordinances, submit budgets, and in the Edible Parade, I'm the one sitting on top of the giant meatball. Someday, that can be you, too, JoJo. Someday you'll be the one wearing the Mayoral Crest. You just... You just need to... You know what I mean? Okay. Good chat. I'm glad that we had this talk that I'm continuing now by myself. Good. There. That ought to be comfy. Nothing wrong with this, Morton. Nothing wrong with this. Just you, me and the speck, shooting the breeze. We're a club. We're a group. We can take a vote on the issues. We can be a secret society that controls the balance of power in the world. - Horton. - And no one else can join, unless they wear funny hats. Listen, Horton! The Chair recognizes Brother Morton. I am really happy you found this speck and all, but you might want to think about keeping it to yourself. What? Why? Well, you're talking to a clover. That doesn't look good. You know what doesn't look good? You talking about the speck like the speck isn't even there. The speck never said anything bad about you. But, hey! Good luck with your illusion of superiority. You know, the speck can think anything it wants about me. It's a speck. I see what's going on here. Morton, no matter how tight the speck and I get, the speck could never replace you. I'm only sad that I would have to explain that, at this point. Well, that's awesome, Horton. That really helps. Just try to keep this to yourself. I'll see you later. Try. Hey, Horton! What you got there? What? Nothing! We're not doing anything. - We're totally alone. - Who's 'we'? 'We'? What? 'We'? Did I say that? I just... Oh. No, I would never say that, because that would imply that I was with someone, and not alone. Okay, seriously, you can't tell anybody. I mean it. If anybody finds out about this, it could be very, very bad. I'm not sure why. We won't tell anyone. And if we do, we'll tell them not to tell anyone. Perfect! Okay, I'm taking a bath, right, 'cause my skin gets kind of dry and a little bit ashy. While Horton came clean about the speck that he'd found and how he had saved it when it nearly drowned, the Mayor set off on his morning commute and noticed things weren't quite the same on his route. But please don't blame Horton, for he didn't know that a small bump above and I dove in the water like this! ...was a big bump below. Hey, Joe, don't work too hard. These luxury condos, they don't build themselves. Hey, look at that! I guess they do build themselves. Okay, that happened. Now, the Mayor knew it was his job to convey the unusual things that he'd noticed that day, but there was one problem. Though his will was strong... - You're late. - Thank you, Miss Yelp. ...nothing in Whoville had ever gone wrong. We have all that we need. We need all that we've got. We like it in Whoville. We like it a lot! We're all very busy with the Who-Centennial coming up, so let's bring this meeting to order. Mr. Mayor, I presume you have some good news for us. Well, it's news. I don't know if we need to go labeling it 'good' or 'bad' or anything like that. The thing is, I have noticed some odd goings-on in Whoville lately. Good 'odd goings-on'? Well, you know, tremors, clouds swirling in the sky. And it seems to me, just to be safe, we might want to consider postponing the Who-Centennial. Consider what? Postponing the Who-Centennial. What? Speak up, man! Postponing the Who-Centennial! All right? We are about to celebrate 100 years of Whoville happiness and harmony, and you want to postpone the celebration? Well, what if Whoville's not safe? Nothing ever goes wrong in Whoville, never has and never will, you blathering boob! The Who-Centennial will proceed as planned! The Who-Centennial will proceed as planned! The Mayor was merely being an idiot. It will be all smiles from now on. That hurt! Girl, I got 15,000 friends already. What? What do you mean, it don't look like me? That looks just like me 10 years ago. Wait a minute. Hold on for a second. Treats me like an idiot. I am not an idiot. Do I look like an idiot? - You don't want me to answer that. - I am not an idiot. Has the nerve to call me a boob? I would never call somebody a boob. He's a boob! Look at you. Yuck! Look at your face. And I bet you don't look so good with a stapler in your head! Whoa! Whoa. - Thank you, Miss Yelp. - You're welcome. Hello? Who said that? Back off! I'll punch you! Hello? Hello. Who's there? This is the Mayor. The Mayor? The Mayor! I'm talking to the Mayor! I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew there was life on this speck. 'This speck'? What speck? Well, I don't exactly know how to tell you this, but... You're living on a speck. Well, I hate to disagree with you, O voice from the drainpipe, but I live in Whoville. Well, then, Whoville's a speck. Right. Okay, seriously, who is this? Is this Burt from accounting? No. This is Horton. I'm an elephant. Okay, 'Horton.' Fake name. Where are you? Well, from where you're standing, I guess I'm in the sky. Compared to you, I'm enormous. Which is saying something, because I've slimmed down quite a bit. I swim. Your whole world fits on a flower in my world. Oh, man, this is even pushing it for you, Burt. Don't believe me? Watch what happens when I put you in the shade. This is absolutely impossible... Dark. Light. Dark. Light. Dark, light, dark, light, dark, light, dark. Light! Don't you see? We're in the middle of some kind of amazing cosmic convergence. Two vastly different worlds, miraculously crossing paths! Mine, colossal! Yours, miniscule. Yet somehow we've managed to make contact. If you think about it, it's pretty amazing. Is everything okay down there? I don't know. You tell me. You're the one holding the speck. I'm the one holding the speck. I'm the one holding the speck. Don't you worry, Mr. Mayor. Hold, please! What did all of this mean? The Mayor hadn't a clue. So he ran to the office of Dr. Larue, the brainiest brain on the staff at Who U. Dr. Larue! This is crazy. Mr. Mayor. How may I be of assistance? I don't know. Hey, you know, I was just wondering if our world were, say, a tiny speck floating through space, how would we know? Well, why would you ask something like that? No reason. No reason at all. I don't even remember. Yes, I do. You know what? Some guy was talking to me. Not an elephant in the sky. A guy on the ground. There would be several ramifications. Good ramifications? A tiny speck? Yeah. Tiny speck. Floating around. Well, we'd have inexplicable tremors, dramatic changes in the weather, and if we didn't eventually achieve some sort of stability, our world would be destroyed! Destroyed? Destroyed. Oh, destroyed. Horton! No, this is Benny. Horton is busy right now. No. I'm joking. That's me. We're doomed. Listen, Horton, turns out I need your help a little bit. Apparently, if that speck keeps moving around, our whole world could be obliterated. So I need you to find us Whos a safer, more stable home, and fast. No problem, Mr. Mayor. Let's see... Wow, that's a nice view. Hello. Is everything okay? What's going on up there? This entire jungle is a house of death! Oh, wait. There's a good spot. And it's then Horton saw at the top of Mount Nool, a small cave that looked peaceful and quiet and cool, where a sunflower grew proud and tall from the ground. There, he knew every Who would be safe, would be sound. I found it, Mayor. The perfect place. Right up there, - on the top of Mount Nool. - Mr. Mayor? I wish you could... Shiny. The Who-Centennial Committee is waiting for you to look over the giant meatball for the Edible Parade. And then you're due at the dentist for your Who-root canal. You know, sticking 'Who' in front of everything doesn't make it hurt less. Just wastes time! I don't want to go. Listen, Horton, I've gotta go. Apparently, there's a problem with the giant meatball. You just take care of that meatball, sir, and leave the freaking out to me. So then Horton began his long, perilous trek, determined to save the small world on the speck. Horton was faithful and stalwart and kind. I got you. He was a brave hero... I'll protect you! ...at least in his mind. We must become invisible. Travel silently. For there are forces that would seek to destroy us. So you think you can sneak up on me, huh? It is clear that you are no match for my technique. I see you have mastered the way of the snapping branch. Watch me tumble! Morton Mouse, go! You are fast, Horton, but the Kangaroo has monkeys. I will make monkeys of these monkeys. It is their destiny. More clover! Horton is the greatest hero of them all! - Horton! - Morton! Go! But Mount Nool is that way. To the top of Mount Nool! As fast as lightning! Away, I go. Sorry, little fellow. You'll be fine. Just think healing thoughts. - Horton! Look! - Horton! Look, look, look! We've all got our own clovers with worlds on them! Yeah. In my world, everyone's a pony, and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies. That's beautiful, Katie. In a really weird way. My world is called Jessica-land, and everyone worships Queen Jessica because Jessica is so beautiful. Jessica, that was awesome. - Rudy! - Mom, be careful! My best friend Thidwick lives on that. Rudy, no one lives on this. It's not possible. That Horton is a menace. Mom, Mom! Please, you're so weird. Don't do this to me. Honey, go to your room. Horton! It's good! What do you think you're doing? You guys with worlds are in trouble! - Have you forgotten what we discussed? - Oh, no. I'm an elephant, and elephants never forget. It's a curse, really. I remember I was on my head, and you said 'Humpf,' and I looked up, and you said, 'What are you doing? ' And I said the thing about the speck. Then you pulled my ears and you poked me in the forehead... - Horton! - Well, you did. Give me that clover, Horton. Now! No. No? Yeah. Are you sure you want to fight this fight, Horton? Because I promise you it will get very ugly, very fast. And you need to ask yourself, 'Do I really want to put myself through all this? 'For a clover? ' Take it from me, Horton. You don't. So hand it over! No! I can't give it to you. There are people on this speck. Granted, they're very small people, but a person's a person, no matter how small. You just crossed the line, Horton, and I'm gonna make you pay. That Horton is a menace. He has those kids using their imaginations. It's sick. All right, I gotta get this speck up to the top of Mount Nool, ASAP, whatever that means. Probably, 'Act Swiftly, Awesome Pachyderm.' I mean, how hard can that be? It's just a straight plummet to certain death. This looks kind of precarious. Well, no need to worry. Obviously, when they build a bridge like this, they take into account that elephants will be crossing here. All right. Feels good. I'll just get the feel of it! That's true. Oh, God. Hello. And how are we today, Mr. Mayor? Say, 'Ah.' Rinse, please. I think a few of these boards could stand to be replaced. I just need to think light. I'm light as a feather. I'm light as a feather! Heavy feather. Okay, this will just pinch a little. I'm lighter than a feather. What's lighter than a feather? Air! There's nothing lighter. So it stands to reason that the more air I have, the lighter I'll be. Next, please. All right, that was absolutely terrifying. If I just pull myself up! Try not to panic. That could've been a disaster. Wow. I feel really good right now. Maybe it's my new sense of purpose. All right. Hey, JoJo! I need your help. Can you help me? Okay, great. Okay. First, I need you to go to the girls' room. Take down Hanna's china doll collection and then... Stop looking at my arm. Put away Holly's light bulb collection, and then... You know what? Just take care of anything that might break or shatter. Okay, take a good long look. Got it? Thanks, JoJo! Here. And... Take that. And... Hi. You're home late. Sorry, hon. I was just having some dental work done on my arm. So, what was... Ned! What are you doing? What do you mean? Well, I'm no detective, Ned, but you are hanging from the chandelier. I just thought it might look better somewhere it can't fall on us and crush us in our sleep. What is going on? Hey, hon, Did you ever get the feeling that you were being watched? Yeah, sure. I suppose. And then you get the feeling that maybe that thing watching you is a giant elephant? And you know how you get that weird feeling that your world is actually a tiny speck? And that the elephant that I talked about earlier is carrying it around on a flower. And you realize that if you tell anybody, they'd think you were crazy. But you still feel a responsibility to keep everyone safe. You know that feeling? You know, I'm gonna have to say no. Do you know that feeling? No. Yawn. Wow. I am beat. Time to hit the hay, I guess. Sweetheart, I know you're under a lot of stress, and if you're seeing elephants and flowers, then fine. Just don't tell anyone else that story, okay? And remember, it's not the end of the world. 'The end of the world.' Horton to Mayor. Horton to Mayor. Come in, Mayor. Over. Horton? I get terrible reception here. How about this? If I get up real close, can you read me? Yep! Roger that. Are we at that safe place yet? Almost. I'm pretty sure the worst part's over. This is your elephant speaking. Just sit back, enjoy the ride, and we'll have you to Mount Nool in no time. No, you can't have ice cream for breakfast. Please. Please. Who's that? Is there someone else there? Well, that's my wife and kids. You have a family. I do, indeed. A beautiful wife, 96 daughters, and one son. Oh, busy guy. And we all share one bathroom. You know how that is. Yeah. Don't I know it. Bathroom? Ned! - What? Sweetheart, you know you're on the roof, right? Please, Mom. - What's that? No, you need to go to bed. Daddy's having a breakdown. Ned, what are you up to now? I was just about to put the kids to bed when I got off the roof. And that's what happened. Right. - Daddy? - Yes. - Can I have a glass of water? - Of course. - Me, too. - Me, three. Me, 28. Okay. Hey, JoJo! A lot of liquid. A lot of liquid. Just the person I wanted to see. Yeah, I realize that we have not been seeing eye-to-eye lately, and most of it is my fault. It's true. You know what I've been trying to do? I have been trying to impose my vision of your future on you. Let me make this perfectly clear. JoJo, you can be whatever kind of Mayor you want to be. Hands-on, strong and silent, outspoken, it's up to you. Well, good. I feel so much better. I am expecting big things from you, young man. Big things. All right. Good night. Good stuff. Good talk. Then JoJo snuck out, feeling lonely and sad, and tragically misunderstood by his dad. And where was he going at such a late hour? Up to Whoville's abandoned Star-Studying Tower, a place where the boy felt contented, free. A place he could be what he wanted to be. And what was inside there, I'd say if I could. But up above, the Kangaroo was up to no good. Can I come out now, Mom? No, Rudy. Stay in your room. - But, Mom... - Stay inside. Mr. Vladikoff? Eating. Go. Yes, I realize you're busy, but I need your help. It's Horton. He's become obsessed with a clover. And he actually thinks there are little people on it. I want that clover destroyed. Sure. What a big deal this is for you, bro. I'd do it myself, but being a lady, I prefer not to get my hands dirty. But I hear you have no problem with that. No. No problem. Easy peazy. But I will only do this for a price. In exchange for a brand new pair of... No. This little kangaroo. - Mom! - Quiet, Rudy. Mommy's thinking it over. Well, thanks, but on second thought, I think I'm going to have the Wickersham brothers take care of this for me. Yeah, of course, Wickersham. I mean, they're a classy operation. You know, they do... Wait! No! You can't go with Wickersham! No, no, no, the Wickershams would be perfect for this job. But they're monkeys! Is not scary! Thanks, anyway. Maybe next time. Wait! Here is what I will do to precious clover. I will take it, I will crush it, and I will devour it. Bigger than it look. One second. Holy moly. Hang on. Then I regurgitate it. Then I'm going to devour it second time! So, two times devoured. Sounds nice, but I think I'll talk to the Wickershams. Wait! Here is best part. I do all gratis. That's free, bro. What do you think? Deal. Yes! Score. Thanking you. You won't regret. Mayor! Mayor! Open up, Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor! It's snowing! In the summer! Yes. Yes, it is. It's a dramatic change in the weather, as if we were a speck, floating through space. I don't know how you knew, but somehow you did, and Whoville is headed for disaster. Horton. What? Nothing. I'm on it. It's up to us to save the people of Whoville. You're small, but there are a lot of you! That's it. Okay, anybody else? Good. No, no. No enjoyment. This is not fun. It is a sign of doom! Aw, sweetie, that's... No, no, no! Danger! Danger! Stop having fun immediately! This is dangerous! Okay! Stop it! Horton! Hey, Mayor. We're in big trouble down here. It's happening! It's snowing in the middle of summer. It's the end of the world! Hold on, Mayor. I think I know what your problem is. There. That better? That seems to have worked. Do I smell peanuts? Yeah, they're my favorite snack, but they tend to linger. Finwick, no! Hang on, Mr. Mayor. I may have to put up a fight. A frightened elephant can be very dangerous! All right! You've called down the thunder, buddy! You hungry for trouble? I'm an 'All you can eat' salad bar! Take a bite! I hate running. Morton! Don't do that. Horton! Horton! There you are! We got trouble! Wait, stay, wait! Did you hear that? No, I'm here, okay. Listen. No! Go! Kangaroo has gone nuts, bananas. She's telling everyone that you should be kicked out of Nool. She said that? I thought we were her friends. Word is she's gone to Vlad! Vlad? Vlad? I know two Vlads. Is it the bad Vlad or the bunny Vlad that makes the cookies? Yeah, Horton, she's sending you a bunny with cookies. I think we can assume it's the bad Vlad. Yeah, that's a good call. So unless you're cool with giant, razor-sharp claws ripping the flesh off your body, I'd get rid of the clover! I can't! I promised the Mayor. I meant what I said, and I said what I meant, and an elephant's faithful, 100%. Please. For me, just this once. Be faithful 99% of the time. I've never gotten 99% on anything, and I think I'm awesome! So, come on! I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. I'm not gonna say it. You can do that all day, it's not happening. An elephant's faithful, 100%. That's right. That's my code, my motto. But thanks for the warning. Motto. Okay. But watch the skies. Keep watching the skies! Mayor, you need to get everyone underground. Now! I don't want to sound the alarm, but there's a good possibility we may be attacked - by a giant carnivorous bird. - What? There's a small chance it could be a bunny with cookies, but I wouldn't count on it. They are formidable. Mayor? Are you there? Yeah. No. That's a great idea. It's just... In order to get everyone mobilized, I'd need the okay of the City Council, and they never listen to me. I've been called a boob, several times. I can't do it! You have to talk to them, Mayor! Okay. Listen. Bad Vlad! Bad Vlad! Bad Vlad! That is definitely not a bunny. Lost him. Meant to lose him, and I lost him. Good. Is this tree for real? Come on! Hang on, Whoville! This is gonna get rough! Now you're going to get it! Get ready for the best! Leave me alone! Horton! I just know he's gonna jump out somewhere. Hello. Chess mate. Now it's time for me to take clover and crush all the little people on it, who are saying... Sorry. This is where we get off. Right in the beak! Cool line. Usually I can't think of those things till later. - Mayor? - Horton. Are you okay? Well, more or less. What happened? The bird? Yeah, it attacked me. Mayor, your people are in danger. You know what? I'm gonna do it. I'm going to go out there and tell them what is going on. Perfect. Now, quick. Get going. Hey! Mr. Mayor! Something's wrong! My basement's in the attic. The Science Museum is history. The lost and found is missing. What's going on, Mr. Mayor? I'm declaring a state of emergency! Don't worry! Don't worry! The Mayor is just being a moron. No, wait! Whoville is in terrible danger! Everyone needs to get down to the underground storage area immediately. Fine! Fine! Let's do this democratically. Who wants the joy and glory and festivity of the Who-Centennial to proceed as planned? Yeah! And who, like the Mayor, thinks it would be better to spend the Who-Centennial in an underground storage area? Yeah! Wait! You've gotta listen to me! Our whole world could explode! Much more quickly! And our world wouldn't make that noise. The people have spoken, Mr. Mayor. You're finished. No one believes you. No one supports you. Horton believes me. Horton? Who's Horton? Horton is a giant elephant in the sky! Don't bother looking, he's invisible. And he's the one risking his life to get Whoville, which, by the way, is a speck on a clover, to safety! I can prove it! Horton's voice comes out of this horn. Horton! I have all the Whos gathered in town square! Let them know you're there! Gee. This is kind of a high-pressure situation, then. Wow. I am really drawing a blank here. I know! Horton! Horton, we're waiting! Time to show everyone that you exist, and by extension, what a non-boob I am. Wait! Everyone, look at the wind. What do you think that that means? It means... It means, obviously... Let the kite-flying race begin! What a burn on you, Horton! Brain freeze. Give me back my speck! Not this time, guy. I am so sorry that I let you down, but this... This is bigger than me. Get the family together and get somewhere safe. I will! I believe you. I've got you now, elephant. No, no, no! Oh, no! Mayor? Anybody there? Hello? Anyone? But clover by clover by clover, he found that the one he sought for was just not around. Mayor? Hello? And by noon, poor Horton, more dead than alive, had picked, searched and piled up 9,005. Hello? Sorry to bother you, nobody. Knock, knock. This is where you'd say,'Who's there? ' If there were any Whos there. Get it? 'Whos there.' All day he looked, looked on and on, until his hope was almost gone. No, no, no! Please, no! This isn't fair! But, wait, could this one be the one? Was all his searching finally done? Ah, yes, for this was the hour. Horton had found them on the three millionth flower. Mayor! Mayor! I found you! Mayor? Are you there? Mayor? Mayor. Mayor, are you there? Mayor! No, this is Floyd. Can I take a message? Mayor! You're okay! Horton! Horton! Stop! Stop it! Sorry. It must have been rough down there. I can't believe I found you. You really had me worried. Say! The Mayor was right! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Okay, I'm all right, and so are you. Citizens of Whoville! I'd like you to meet our friend Horton. He's going to help us! I've got this. This is the Chairman... Idiot! You're finished in this town! Is that understood? Finished. You boob! I'm just joking. Good one. Horton, this is my wife Sally. You exist! This means my husband isn't crazy. Hooray! And a few of my daughters, Haley, Holly, Hooly, Hilda and Hedy. - Hi! - Hi! And here is Miss Yelp, my loyal assistant. - And here's Dr. Larue. - You saved us! And Burt from accounting, and Mrs. McGillicuddy, and Mr. Farfoogan from the Clugan Farfoogans, and the old man in the bathtub. Let's not overwhelm the poor fellow. He's never gonna remember all these names. Well, I'll try my best. Sally, Chairman, Haley, Hooly, Holly, Hilda, Hedy, Miss Yelp, Dr. Larue, Burt from accounting, Mrs. McGillicuddy, Mr. Farfoogan of the Clugan Farfoogans, and wasn't there an old guy in a shower? Bathtub. - Yeah! - We're all here, Horton, and we all believe in you. Wow. That's awesome. And it's a responsibility I do not take lightly. I promise you a future that is safe, sound and stable. We will create a world where every Who is endowed with three inalienable rights, to be determined at a later date. And we will put a speck on Mount Nool before the end of this decade. This elephant is crazy! Oh, my goodness. I gotta tell everybody. I need to get to the Kangaroo. Wait till they find out about... You should have been seeing me. I really let elephant have it. I chase him, I torment him, I break him into million little elephant pieces. It was thing of beauty, really. My best work. Classic Vlad. And the clover? Clover is finished! No way in million years Horton find it. Read my beak. Clover is gone forever. I just saw Horton, and he is still talking to that clover! Idiot! Whoa! Come on, I'm your bro! It's me you're talking to. We have history! Come on, let's not forget, I did this for free! What is happening to the jungle of Nool? There once was a time when people were people and specks were specks. Well, I say, 'If you can't see it, hear it or feel it, 'it doesn't exist! ' Our way of life is under attack! And who is leading that attack? Horton! Wait a minute! This is Horton we're talking about. You all know him, he wouldn't hurt a fly. Except for that fly city he sat on. But he didn't do that on purpose. Shut up, mouse! That's weird. My brownies are burning. I gotta go! Are we going to let troublemakers like Horton poison the minds of our children? Not the children! When Horton tells our children about worlds beyond the jungle, he makes them question authority! Which leads to defiance! Which leads to anarchy! Yeah! Horton must pay! It's that speck! We have to do something! For the children! For the children! Are we going to let him get away with this? No! Let's go! Morton! I told you! 100%! Horton! Morton, pick up your feet! Jeez. It's not me! I see. It's an angry mob. Sorry, Morton. I thought it was you that was making all the... But it's... Oh, darn. Run, Horton! There he is! Let's rope him! Let's cage him! No! No! No! Stop! Hey, fellas. Good to see you, all at once. You look really great as a horde. Horton, Horton, Horton, look at the mess you've created for yourself. All this hullabaloo over a silly little flower. It's a speck. Right. I mean, it's silly, really, all this talk of roping you, and caging you, and, well, we don't need to go into the details. The point is, this angry mob, all the trouble you're in, it can all go away. - Really? - Of course. All you have to do is admit to everyone that there are no little people living on that speck. That you were wrong and I was right. You do that and things can go right back to the way they were. But if you don't, you're going to have to pay the price. So, I just have to say it isn't true? Go ahead. Rope me, cage me. Do whatever you want. But there are people on this speck. And they have a Mayor, who has 96 daughters and one son named JoJo, who all share a bathroom, whatever that is, And even though you can't hear or see them at all, a person's a person, no matter how small. That was beautiful, Horton. Rope him! Cage him! And burn that speck in a pot of boiling Beezlenut oil! They don't believe we're here. We've got to make some noise! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! Come on! - Everybody! - We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! This will teach you not to make up stories about people on specks! Listen! There they are! - Rope him. - Cage him! It's not working. I can hear you, but their ears aren't strong enough. We need to be louder! Get every Who to make noise! Everyone! We are here! We are here! We are here! JoJo! Where are you going? We need every voice! JoJo! You need to make some noise down there, or we'll all be destroyed! The Mayor grabbed a tom-tom and started to smack it, and all over Whoville, they whooped up a racket. They rattled tin kettles! They beat on brass pans! On garbage pail tops and old cranberry cans! They blew on bazookas and blasted great toots. On clarinets, oompahs, and boompahs, and flutes! There! Can they hear us now? Listen, please. It's the most beautiful thing ever. I don't hear nothing! I don't think so. But keep trying. I'll never give in! Are you sure that every Who down in Whoville is trying? We are here! We are here! Where's JoJo? Probably at the old observatory. Hey! There's a limit! That's not supposed to stretch that far! JoJo! You built this? We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! You're making a mistake. But, Mom! This doesn't concern you, sweetie. Back in your pouch! Everybody! Don't stop! Keep going! This is gonna do it! We are here! We are here! We are here! Can they hear? No! No matter what happens, I couldn't ask for a better son. Hey, JoJo! Come on! Keep going! No! We are here! We are here! We are here! No! Yopp! We are here! We are here! We are here! I hear it! I hear it! They are there! And that Yopp, that one small extra Yopp put it over, and all the Who noises burst out of the clover. - I hear it! - Me, too! Rudy. Give me that! Come... Rudy. Get back in the pouch. Now! No, Mom. Wickershams! Get that clover! Anybody! Take it from him! You did it, Mayor. You did it. We did it! Yeah! Well done, son. All right, Mayor! Dad, you're one of the greats! Whoa. Easy, everyone! Easy! Hi, Vlad. Well, I shouldn't, but... Oh, man, that is nice touch. I am a mess with this, right? Emotional! Here come the waterslide. There's so many people to thank. The good people of Nool, who put me in a cage and poked me with sticks. That was me! My buddy Morton, for being the only one who stood by me. Well, not right by me. He hid in the bushes, sending me good thoughts. He's small. Dude, you are a warrior poet. And most of all, I'd like to thank the Mayor of Whoville, who believed in me from the beginning. Horton, we're going to miss you. What are we gonna do without you, Horton? Don't worry. I'll always be around. And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight You're a candle in the window On a cold, dark winter's night Beautiful metaphor. And I'm getting closer Than I ever thought I might That's a little high for me. Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore I've forgotten what I started fighting for And if I have to crawl upon your floor Crawl upon the floor Come crashing through your door Crashing through your door Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore I can't fight this feeling anymore And so all ended well, for both Horton and Whos, and for all in the jungle, even kangaroos. So let that be a lesson, to one and to all. A person's a person, no matter how small. A person's a person, no matter how small. And I can't fight this feeling anymore Yeah, I like this. Faster, more up-tempo. I've forgotten what I started fighting for I can't fight this feeling It's time to bring my ship into your shore That's a metaphor! And throw away the oar Another metaphor! And buy an engine 'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore From the weight of my trunk to my toes I've forgotten what I started fighting for Well, you shouldn't be fighting anything. Enjoy yourself. If I have to crawl across the floor - Now, break down your stupid door - Crashing through your door Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore On an empty stomach I can't fight this feeling I can't fight this feeling Ooh, ooh, ooh Eee, eee, eee I'm just saying words. That felt so good. Cathartic! What? Encoded by Judas Enjoy! Hmm. - Yeah! - On the 1 5th of May... in theJungle of Nool... in the heat ofthe day, in the cool ofa pool... he was splashing, enjoying thejungle's greatjoys... when Horton the elephant heard a small noise. Hmm? Hmm. - Horton! - Horton! Good morning, class. Are you ready? - Yeah! - Jump on board! Look out below! Tommy's on board. Katie, you there? - Ahh. - Okay. Shh. There it is. This is one ofthejungle's most amazing creatures― the leaf bug. In order to protect itself from predators... it disguises itselfas a leaf. Hmm. This one's got quite a grip. Come on, little buddy. Don't be shy. I guess I was mistaken, kids. There are obviously no leaf bugs in this area. Even a prof― Aah! They're on me! Get 'em off! I think I swallowed one! Help me! - Pull it out! - Uh, okay. Whoo-whoo! Whee! - Then humpfing a "Humpf!" was a sour kangaroo... - Humpf! the type who's convinced she knows better than you. She made every law and enforced every rule... as self-proclaimed head of the Jungle of Nool. - Humpf! - Why can't I play with the other kids, Mom? How many times have I told you... that thejungle is no place to act like a wild animal? - Ooh. - My, that Horton certainly is eccentric. And the children are learning so much from him. Learning to be a bunch of harebrained half-wits. And that's why my Rudy is pouch-schooled. So while Kangaroo stood there sneering a sneer― Horton, that was the best time I've ever had in my life. What are you gonna show us next? once again the speck floated right by Horton's ear. Help! And he heard it again,just a very faint yelp... as ifsome tiny person were calling for help. And you know what he thought? Why, he thought that there must be someone on top ofthat small speck ofdust. Or even a family— it just might be so― a family with children just starting to grow. I wanna live! Uh, I gotta go. Katie, you're in charge. - Ahh. - Huh? Wait! Come back! - Watch it! - Eh— Uh— Ohh! One more! One more! One more! One more! One more! One more! Ooh! Ooh! - I hear someone comin'. - Gimme those. Wait! Sound the alarm! Huh? Excuse me. Pardon my stampede. Sorry, Wickershams. I promise I'm gonna clean all this up later. Bring the ammo! I love the smell of bananas in the morning! Banana in the hole! Come on, guys. We're all mammals. Whoa! I feel the diplomatic process is beginning to break down. Whoa! There you are! I got ya! - Hi, kids. - Whoa! - Aah! There. Now you're safe. I know I heard you say something. I just know it. Where are you? Humpf! - Horton! - Oh. Sorry. Uh— I just— There was this speck, and, uh... it called out for help. - And I was— - The speck called out for help? Well, not the speck. I mean, that's... ridiculous. Is that what you thought I meant? No. The speck can't call out for help. Come on. Get real. No, there's a tiny person on that speck that needs my help. Absurd. There aren't people that small. Well, maybe they aren't small. Maybe... we're big. - Horton— - No, really. Think about it. What ifthere were someone way out there... looking down on our world right now? And to them, we're the specks. And then maybe someone else will come along and say, "There can't be people that small." And the first guy would say, "Are you calling me a liar?" And the second guy would say, "Ifthe shoe fits, wear it!" Now the fists are flying. The first guy picks up a brick― You might want to zip up the pouch for this next part— "Fat boy, you want some?" - Horton! - What? There is nothing on that speck. - But I heard. - Did you? Really? Oh, my. Then how come / don't hear anything? Well— If you can't see, hear or feel something... it doesn't exist. And believing in tiny, imaginary people is just not something we do... or tolerate here in the Jungle of Nool. Really? 'Cause I bet if I tried, I could find somebody who'd believe what I was saying. You will do nothing ofthe sort. You will not breathe a word ofthis lie to anyone else... especially the children. I do not want you poisoning their minds with this nonsense. Our community has standards, Horton. Ifyou want to remain a part of it, I recommend you follow them. Mmm. Have a nice day. All right then. I'll, uh, take that under advisement. Certainly appreciate your input. I don't understand. I know I heard you. It was as plain as the nose on my face. That's it. Maybe you can't hear me. Ofcourse. Your ears must be tiny. I need to speak up. Hello! Now, some people out there― I think I know who― may find they agree with that sour kangaroo. There can't really be people as small as a mite. Well, there can and there are, because Horton was right. Hello! That single "hello" traveled all the way down... through the speck, through the clouds... till it found a small town. A town known as Who-ville, for there lived the Whos... feeling happy and safe, knowing only good news... unaware that theirworld was a speck on a clover... unaware that the sweet life they knew might be over. - Over. - Under. Oi! Oi! Oi! The Mayor of Who-ville, a man named McDodd... was devoted and fair and a little bit odd. The mayor and his wife, they had children to spare― 96 daughters, some here and some there. Ninety-six girls to love. Ninety-six girls to teach. But the mayor had only a few seconds for each. Daddy, I got better than best on my "Who-story" test. Ah, Who-story. I remember it well. - That's one of my girls. - Hildy's been using my hairbrush! Holly's been using my hairbrush! Look! Over there! There. All better. Can I please have a Who-phone, Dad? Everyone else in my class has one. Oh, really? Everyone? Oh. I will think about it. Daddy, look! Daddy, look! Mm-hmm. Toof! It's a "T-H," sweetheart. It's "tooth." In Who-ville tradition, unlike yours or mine... the mayor's oldest is next in the mayoral line. And who was the oldest, to lead and stand tall? It wasJoJo, his son, the smallest Who ofall. So,JoJo, what's, uh— What's shakin'? What's happenin'? What's the word? Now, to you or to me, it's abundantly clear... that JoJo did not want his father's career. But the mayor pressed forward, completely deluded... Boom-badda, boom-badda, bidda-bidda-boom! whileJoJojust sat there in silence and brooded. Oh,JoJo. - Why does he get more time? - That's not fair. Son. Hey. And why didn't he speak? Well, I think that the lad was afraid, if he did, he might let down his dad. You know what's awesome? This is awesome. Just look at the men and women hanging on these walls. You, my boy, are part ofa family legacy... that spans centuries. You know what? Your grandfather was mayor of Who-ville. Mm-hmm. And your great-grandmother. That's right. All the way down to your― great- great-great-great- not-so-great- great-great- great-great-great- great-great-great-great- Someday, I hope to join them... be one ofthe greats. I tell you, JoJo, there is nothing like being mayor. I get to sign resolutions, approve ordinances, submit budgets. And in the Edible Parade, I'm the one sitting on top ofthe giant meatball. Someday, that can be you too,JoJo. Someday, you'll be the one wearing the mayoral crest. You just— You just need to— You know what I mean? Okay. Good chat. I'm glad that we had this talk... that I'm continuing now by myself. Good. Huh. Ooh. There. That oughta be comfy. Nothing wrong with this, Morton. Nothin' wrong with this. Just you and me and the speck shooting' the breeze. - We're a club. We're a group. - Hmm? We can take a vote on the issues. We can be a secret society that controls the balance of power in the world. - Horton— - And no one else can join unless they wear funny hats. - Listen, Horton— - The chair recognizes Brother Morton. I am really happy you found this speck and all... but you might wanna think about keeping it to yourself. Hmm? What? Why? You're talking to a clover. That doesn't look good. You know what doesn't look good? You talking about the speck like the speck isn't even there. The speck never said anything bad about you. But, hey, good luck with your illusion ofsuperiority. You know, the speck can think anything it wants about me. It's a speck. Whoa! I see what's going on here. Morton, no matter how tight the speck and I get... the speck could never replace you. I'm only sad that I would have to explain that at this point. Well, that's awesome, Horton. That really helps. Just try to keep this to yourself. I'll see you later. Try. Hmm. Hey, Horton. What you got there? What? Nothing. We're not doing anything. We're totally alone. - Who's "we"? - We? What? We? Did I say that? No, I would never say that, because that would imply that I was with someone... and not alone. Okay, seriously, you can't tell anybody. I mean it. Ifanybody finds out about this, it could be very, very bad. I'm not sure why. We won't tell anyone. And ifwe do, we'll tell them not to tell anyone. Perfect. Okay, I'm taking a bath, right? 'Cause my skin gets kind ofdry and ashy― While Horton came clean about the speck that he'd found... and how he saved it when it nearly drowned... the mayor set off on his morning commute... and noticed things weren't quite the same on his route. But please don't blame Horton, for he didn't know... that a small bump above― And I dove into the water like this! was a big bump below. Hey,Joe. Don't work too hard. Ah, these luxury condos, they don't build themselves. Hey, look at that! I guess they do build themselves. Okay, that happened. Now, the mayor knew it was hisjob to convey... the unusual things that he'd noticed that day. But there was one problem. Though his will was strong— - You're late. - Thankyou, Miss Yelp. nothing in Who-ville had ever gone wrong. We have all that we need. We need all that we've got. We like it in Who-ville. We like it a lot! We're all very busy with the Who-centennial coming up... so let's bring this meeting to order. Mr. Mayor, I presume you have some good news for us. Well, it's news. I don't know ifwe need to go labeling it good or bad or anything like that. The thing is, I have noticed some odd goings-on... in Who-ville lately. Good odd goings-on? Well, you know, tremors, clouds swirling in the sky. It seems to me,just to be safe, we might want to consider... postponing the Who-centennial. - Consider what? - Postponing the Who-centennial. What? Speak up, man! Postponing the Who-centennial. All right? Hmm. We are about to celebrate 100 years of Who-ville happiness and harmony... and you want to postpone the celebration? Well, what ifWho-ville's not safe? Nothing ever goes wrong in Who-ville. Never has and never will. You blathering boob. Boob? The Who-centennial will proceed as planned. The mayor was merely being an idiot. It will be all smiles from now on. Ow. Ow. Girl, I got 15,000 friends already. What you mean it don't look like me? That look just like me. Ten years ago. Wait a minute. Hold on for a second. Treats me like an idiot. I am not an idiot. Do I look like an idiot? - You don't want me to answer that. - I am not an idiot. Has the nerve to call me a boob? I would never call somebody a boob. He's a boob. Look at you. Yuck. Look at your face. And I bet you don't look so good with a stapler in your head! Whoa! Whoa! Ow. Ow. Ow. - Yaah! Thankyou, Miss Yelp. - You're welcome. Oh! - Hello? - Who said that? I'll punch you! Whoa! Hmm? Hello? Hello. Hello. - Who's there? - Um, this is the mayor. The mayor? The mayor? I'm talking to the mayor! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! I knew there was life on this speck. Speck? What speck? Well, um, I don't exactly know how to tell you this, but... you're living on a speck. Well, I hate to disagree with you, O Voice from the Drainpipe... but I live in Who-ville. Well, then Who-ville's a speck. Right. Okay. Seriously, who is this? Is this Burt from Accounting? Uh, no. This is Horton. I'm an elephant. Okay, Horton— fake name— where are you? Well, from where you're standing... I guess I'm in the sky. Compared to you, I'm enormous, which is saying something, because I've slimmed down a bit. I swim. Your whole world fits on a flower in my world. Oh, man, this is even pushing it foryou, Burt. Don't believe me? Watch what happens when I put you in the shade. This is absolutely impossibl— Dark. Light. Dark. Light. Dark. Light. Dark. Light. Dark. Light. Dark. Light. Dark. Light. Dark. - Light. - Whoo. Don't you see? We're in the middle of some kind ofamazing cosmic convergence. Two vastly different worlds... - miraculously crossing paths. - Who— Who— Mine colossal! Yours minuscule. Yet somehow we've managed to make contact. Ifyou think about it, it's pretty amazing. Is everything okay down there? Uh, I-I don't know. You tell me. You're the one holding the speck. I'm the one holding the speck. I'm the one holding the speck. Don't you worry, Mr. Mayor. Um, hold, please. Oh! Ohh! What did all ofthis mean? The mayor hadn't a clue. So he ran to the office of Dr. Larue... the brainiest brain on the staffat Who U. Dr. Larue? Oh, this is crazy. Oh. Mr. Mayor. Uh, how may I be ofassistance? I don't know. Hey, I wasjust wondering... ifourworld were, say, a tiny speck, mmm, floating through space... how would we know? Why would you ask something like that? Oh, no reason. No reason at all. I don't even remember. Yes, I do. You know what? Some guy was talking to me. Not an elephant in the sky, a guy on the ground. There would be several ramifications. Good ramifications? A tiny speck. Uh-huh, yeah. Tiny speck. - Floating around. - Whoa. Well, we'd have "unexplicable" tremors... dramatic changes in the weather. And ifwe didn't eventually achieve some sort ofstability... our world would be... destroyed. Destroyed? Destroyed. Oh, destroyed. The drama! Aaaah! - Horton. - Uh, no, uh, this is, uh, Benny. Horton is busy right now. I'm joking. That's me. Oh, we're doomed. Listen, Horton, turns out I need your help a little bit. Apparently, ifthat speck keeps moving around... our whole world could be obliterated. So I need you to find us Whos a safer, more stable home. And fast. No problem, Mr. Mayor. Let's see. Mmm. Wow! That's a nice view. Hello? Is everything okay? Ooh! What's going on up there? Oh, no! Aaah! This entire jungle is a house of death! Oh, wait. There's a good spot. And it's then Horton saw, at the top of Mount Nool... a small cave that looked peaceful and quiet and cool... where a sunflower grew proud and tall from the ground. There he knew every Who would be safe, would be sound. I've found it, Mayor. The perfect place. Right up there. On the top of Mount Nool. - Mr. Mayor? - I wish you could— Oh, how shiny. The Who-centennial committee is waiting foryou... to look over the giant meatball for the Edible Parade. Oh, and then you're due at the dentist foryour Who-root canal. You know, sticking "Who" in front ofeverything doesn't make it hurt less. Just wastes time! I don't... wanna go. Listen, Horton, I've gotta go. Apparently there's a problem with the giant meatball. You just take care ofthat meatball, sir... and leave the freaking out to me. So then Horton began his long, perilous trek... determined to save the small world on the speck. Horton was faithful and stalwart and kind. I got ya. Don't worry. He was a brave hero― - I'll protect you. - at least in his mind. We must become invisible, travel silently... for there are forces that would seek to destroy us. Huh? So you think you can sneak up on me, huh? It is clear that you are no match for my technique! Hey! I see you have mastered the Way ofthe Snapping Branch. Watch me tumble! Morton Mouse, go! You are fast, Horton, but the kangaroo has monkeys! I will make monkeys ofthese monkeys! It is their destiny― Huh? My clover! Ooh! Horton is the greatest hero ofthem all! Ha! - Horton! Go! - Morton! Go! - But Mount Nool is that way! - Ha-ha-ha! To the top of Mount Nool! As fast as lightning! Away I go! Oh. Sorry, little fella. You'll be fine. Just think healing thoughts. - Horton! Horton! Look! - Look, look, look! - We've all got our own clovers with worlds on them. - Yeah. Oh. In my world, everyone's a pony... and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies. That's beautiful, Katie. Ahh. In a really weird way. My world is called Jessica-land. Everyone worships Queen Jessica becauseJessica is so beautiful. Jessica, that was awesome. Hmm. - Rudy! - Mom, be careful! - My best friend, Thidwick, lives on that. - Rudy, no one lives on this. It's not possible. That Horton is a menace. - M-Mom, you're so weird. Don't do this to me. - Honey, go to your room. Horton! Whee! - It's good! - What do you thinkyou're doing? Huh? You guys with worlds are in trouble. Have you forgotten what we discussed? Oh, no. I'm an elephant. And elephants never forget. It's a curse really. I was on my head, and you said "Humpf!" I looked up, you said "What are you doing?" I said the thing about the speck. Then you pulled my ears, poked me on the forehead— - Horton! - Well, you did. Give me that clover, Horton. Now. No. No? Yeah. Are you sure you wanna fight this fight, Horton? Because I promise you it will get very ugly very fast. And you need to askyourself... "Do I really want to put myselfthrough all this... for a clover?" Take it from me, Horton—you don't. So hand it over. No! I can't give it to you. There are people on this speck. Granted, they're very small people... but a person's a person, no matter how small. - Huh. - How— You just crossed the line, Horton... and I'm gonna make you pay. Uh— Uh— Ohh! That Horton is a menace. He has those kids using their imaginations. It's sick! All right, I gotta get this speck up to the top of Mount Nool A.S.A.P.— whatever that means. Probably, "Act swiftly, awesome pachyderm." I mean, how hard can that be? It'sjust a straight plummet to certain death. This looks kind of... precarious. Well, no need to worry. Obviously, when they build a bridge like this... they take into account that elephants will be crossing here. All right. Feels good. I'll just get... the... feel of it! Yike! Oh, that's― that's true. All right! Hello. And how are we today, Mr. Mayor? Say "ahh." Ahh. Aaah! Hmm. Rinse, please. Huh. I think a few of these boards could stand to be replaced. Ooh! I just need to think light. I'm light as a feather. Heavy feather. Okay. This will just pinch a little. I'm lighter than a feather. What's lighter than a feather? Air! There's nothin' lighter. So it stands to reason— that the more air I have— the lighter— I'll be. La-aah! - Aah! - Next, please. All right, that was absolutely terrifying. If I just pull myself up— Try not to panic. Hmm. Whew! That could have been a disaster. Wow. I feel really good right now. Maybe it's my new sense of purpose. Whoa. All right. Hey! JoJo, I need your help. Can you help me? Okay. Great. Okay, first I need you to go to the girls' room. Aah! Take down Hannah's china doll collection and then— Stop looking at my arm. Put away Holly's lightbulb collection and then— You know what? Just take care ofanything that might break or shatter. Okay. Take a good, long look. Got it? Thanks,JoJo. Oww! Oh! Whew! Here. And I'll take that. And— Oh! Aaah! Hi. You're home late. Oh. Sorry, hon. I wasjust having some dental work done on my arm. So, what was the— Ned! What are you doing? W-What do you mean? Well, I'm no detective, Ned, but you are hanging from the chandelier. I just thought it might look better somewhere... it can't fall on us and crush us in our sleep. What is going on? Hey, hon— did you ever get the feeling that you were being watched? Um, yeah. Sure. I suppose. And then you get the feeling that maybe that thing watching you... is, uh, a giant elephant. Um— And you know howyou get that weird feeling that your world is actually a tiny speck... and that the elephant... that I talked about earlier... is carrying it around on a flower... and you realize that ifyou tell anybody, they'd thinkyou were crazy. But you still feel a responsibility to keep everyone safe. You know that feeling? Um, you know, I'm gonna have to say no. Do you know that feeling? Ah! No. Yawn. Wow, I am beat. Time to hit the hay, I guess. Sweetheart, I know you're under a lot ofstress. And ifyou're seeing elephants and flowers, then fine. Just don't tell anyone else that story. Okay? And remember, it's not the end ofthe world. The end ofthe world? Horton to Mayor. Horton to Mayor. Come in, Mayor. Over. Horton? Ohh. I get terrible reception here. How about this? If I get up real close, can you read me? Yep. Roger that. Are we at that safe place yet? Almost. I'm pretty sure the worst part's over. This is your elephant speaking. Just sit back, enjoy the ride, and we'll have you to Mount Nool in no time. - No, you can't have ice cream for breakfast. - Please! Who's that? Is there someone else there? Well, that's my wife and kids. - You have a family. - I do indeed. A beautiful wife, 96 daughters... and one son. Oh-ho-ho-ho. Busy guy. And we all share one bathroom. You know how that is. Yeah. Don't I know it? Bathroom? - Ned? - What? Sweetheart, you know you're on the roof, right? - Please, Mom. - What's that? No, you need to go to bed. Daddy's having a breakdown. Ned, what are you up to now? I wasjust about to put the kids to bed when I got offthe roof. And, uh, that's— that's what happened. Right. - Daddy? - Yes? - Can I have a glass ofwater? - Ofcourse. - Me two! - Me three! - Me six! - Me seven! - Me 39! - Me 28! Okay. - Hey,JoJo. Whoa. - Huh? Lotta liquid. Lotta liquid. Just the person I wanted to see. Yeah, I realize that we have not been seeing eye to eye lately. And most of it is my fault. That's true. You know what I've been trying to do? I have been trying to impose my vision ofyour future on you. Let me make this perfectly clear. JoJo, you can be whatever kind of mayoryou want to be. Hands-on, strong and silent, outspoken— it's up to you. Well, good. I feel so much better. I am expecting big things from you, young man. Big things! All right. Good night. Good stuff. Good talk. Then JoJo snuck out, feeling lonely and sad... and tragically misunderstood by his dad. And where was he going at such a late hour? Up to Who-ville's abandoned star-studying tower... a place where the boy felt contented and free... a place he could be what he wanted to be. And what was inside there, I'd say if I could. But up above, the kangaroo was up to no good. Can I come out now, Mom? No, Rudy. Stay in your room. - But, Mom— - Stay inside. Mr. Vladikoff? Eating. Go. Yes, I-I realize you're busy, but I need your help. It's Horton. He's become obsessed with a clover... and he actually thinks there are little people on it. I want that clover destroyed. Sure. What a big deal this is... foryou, bro. I'd do it myself, but, being a lady... I prefer not to get my hands dirty. But I hearyou have no problem with that. No. No problem. Easy peasy. But I will only do this for a price... in exchange for a brand-new pair of― No. This... - little kangaroo. - Mom! Quiet, Rudy. Mommy's thinking it over. Huh. Well, thanks, but on second thought... I think I'm going to have the Wickersham brothers take care ofthis for me. Yeah, ofcourse, Wickersham. I mean, they-they're classy operation. They do― Wait! No! You can't go with Wickersham! No, no. No, no. The Wickershams would be perfect for thisjob. But they're monkeys! Is not scary. Oh, thanks anyway. Maybe next time. Wait. Here's what I will do to precious clover. I will take it, I will crush it... and I will devour it. Bigger than it look. One second. Holy moly. Hang on. Then I regurgitate it. Then I'm gonna devour it second time. So, two times devoured. Sounds nice. But I think I'll talk to the Wickershams. Wait. Here is best part. I do all— gratis. That's free, bro. What do you think? Huh? Deal. Yes! Score! Thanking you. You won't regret. Oop! Whoa! Whoo! Mayor! Mayor! Open up, Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor! It's snowing! In the summer! Yes. Yes, it is. It's a dramatic change in the weather... as if we were a speck floating through space. I don't know how you knew, but s-somehow you did. And Who-ville is headed for disaster. - Oh. Horton. - What? Uh, nothing. I'm on it. It's up to us to save the people ofWho-ville. - Whoa! You're small, but there are a lot ofyou. Ooh! That's― Okay. Anybody else? Good. No, no. No enjoyment. This is not fun. It is a sign ofdoom. Ah, sweetie, that's— No! No, no, no, no. Danger! Danger! - Whee! - Whoa! Stop having fun immediately! This is dangerous. Okay. Snowbank! - Horton! - Huh? What? Hey there. We're in big trouble down here. It's happening. It's snowing in the middle ofsummer. - It's the end ofthe world! - Whee! Hold on, Mayor. I think I know what your problem is. Aw! There. That better? That seems to have worked. Do I smell peanuts? Yeah. They're my favorite snack. But they tend to linger. Bleh! Oh! Finwick, no. Uh-oh. Hang on, Mr. Mayor. I may have to put up a fight. A frightened elephant can be very dangerous! All right! You've called down the thunder, buddy! You hungry for trouble? I'm an all-you-can-eat salad bar. Take a bite! I hate running. Morton? Don't do that. Horton! Horton— D'oh! There you are. We got trouble. Wait. Stay, wait. Did you hear that? No, I'm here. Okay, listen. No. Go. Kangaroo has gone nuts, bananas. She's telling everyone that you should be kicked out of Nool. She said that? I thought we were friends. - Word is she's gone to Vlad. - Vlad? Vlad. I know two Vlads. Is it the bad Vlad or the bunny Vlad that makes the cookies? Yeah, Horton, she's sending you a bunny with cookies. I think we can assume it's the bad Vlad. Yeah, that's a good call. So unless you're cool with giant, razor-sharp claws... ripping the flesh offyour body... I'd get rid ofthe clover. I can't. I promised the mayor. I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. And an elephant's faithful 1 00%. Please, for me,just this once... be faithful 99% ofthe time. I've never gotten 99% on anything. And I think I'm awesome. So come on. I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. I'm not gonna say it. You can do that all day. It's not happening. - An elephant's faithful 1 00%. - That's right. That's my code, my motto. But thanks for the warning. "Motto." Okay. But watch the skies. Keep watching the skies! Mayor! You need to get everyone underground now! - Two, three, four. - I don't want to sound the alarm. But there's a good possibility... - we may be attacked by a giant, carnivorous bird. - What? There's a small chance it could be a bunny with cookies, but I wouldn't count on it. Oh, they are formidable. Whoop. Mayor? Are you there? Yeah. No, that's a great idea. It'sjust— In order to get everyone mobilized... I'd need the okay ofthe city council. And they never listen to me. I've been called a boob— several times. I can't do it. You have to talk to them, Mayor. Okay, listen. Bad Vlad! Bad Vlad! Ooh! Bad Vlad! That is definitely not a bunny. Lost him. Meant to lose him, and I lost him. Heh. Yeah. This tree for real? Come on. Hang on, Who-ville! This is gonna get rough! Oh! Now you're going to get it! Get ready for the best! Leave me alone! Hort― Ow! Horton! Whew! I just know he's gonna jump out somewhere. - Hello. Ooph! "Chessmate." Now it's time for me to take clover... and crush all the little people on it. Sorry, this is where we get off. Right in the beak! Cool line. Usually I can't think ofthose things till later. - Mayor? - Ah, Horton. - Are you okay? - Um— Well, more or less. - What happened? The bird? - Yeah, it attacked me. Mayor, your people are in danger. Huh? You know what? I'm gonna do it. I am going to go out there and tell them what is going on. Perfect. Now, quick, get going. Hey, Mr. Mayor! Something's wrong! My basement is in the attic! - The science museum is history! - The Lost and Found is missing! What's going on, Mr. Mayor? I'm declaring a state ofemergency! Don't worry! Don't worry! The mayor is just being a moron. No, wait! Who-ville is in terrible danger. Everyone needs to get down to the underground storage area immediately! Fine! Fine. Let's do this democratically. Who wants thejoy and glory and festivity ofthe Who-centennial... to proceed as planned? - And who, like the mayor— - Uh— thinks it would be better to spend the Who-centennial... in an underground storage area? Yeah! Wait! You've got to listen to me! Our whole world could explode! Much more quickly! And ourworld wouldn't make that noise. The people have spoken, Mr. Mayor. You're finished. No one believes you. No one supports you. Horton believes me. Horton? Who's Horton? Horton is a giant elephant in the sky! - Huh? - Don't bother looking. He's invisible. And he's the one risking his life to get Who-ville— which, by the way, is a speck on a clover― to safety! I can prove it. Horton's voice comes out ofthis horn. He's lost his mind. Horton! I have all the Whos gathered in Town Square. Let them knowyou're there! Gee. This is kind ofa high-pressure situation then. I don't hear anything. Wow. I am really drawing a blank here. I know! Horton. Horton, we're waiting. Time to show everyone that you exist... and, by extension, what a non-boob I am. Wait! Everyone, look at the wind. What do you think that that means? It means— It means, obviously― Let the kite-flying race begin! What a burn on you, Horton! Ooh! Brain freeze! Give me back... - my speck! - Huh? Not this time, guy. I am so sorry that I let you down. But this― This is bigger than me. Get the family together and get somewhere safe! I will! I believe you. I've got you now, elephant. No! No! No! Oh, no. Oh! Yeah! Mayor? Anybody there? Hello? Anyone? But clover by clover by clover, he found... that the one that he sought for was just not around. Mayor? Hello? And by noon, poor Horton, more dead than alive... had picked, searched and piled up nine thousand and five. Hello? Sorry to botheryou, nobody. Knock, knock. This is where you'd say, "Whos there?" If there were any Whos there. Get it? "Whos there?" All day he looked, looked on and on... until his hope was almost gone. No, no. No! Please, no! Oh! This isn't fair! But wait! Could this one be the one? Was all his searching finally done? Ah, yes. For this was the hour. Horton had found them on the three-millionth flower. Mayor! Mayor! I found you! Mayor? Are you there? Mayor? Mayor. Mayor, are you there? Mayor. Mayor? Mayor! Uh, no. This is Floyd. Can I take a message? Mayor! You're okay! Horton! Horton! Stop! Stop it! Sorry. It must've been rough down there. I can't believe I found you. You really had me worried. Say! The mayor was right! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Oh! Okay, I'm all right. - Toof! - And so are you. Citizens ofWho-ville! I'd like you to meet our friend Horton. He's going to help us. I've got this. - This is the chairman. - Idiot! You're finished in this town. Is that understood? Finished! You boob! No, I'm justjoking. Oh. Good one. Horton, this is my wife, Sally. You exist! This means my husband isn't crazy. Hooray! And a few of my daughters: - Haley, Holly, Hooly, Hilda and Hedy. - Hi! And here is Miss Yelp, my loyal assistant. - And here's Dr. Larue. - You saved us! And Burt from Accounting. And Mrs. McGillicuddy and Mr. Farfoogan. - From the Clugan Farfoogans. - Oi! Oi! Oi! And the old man in the bathtub. Let's not overwhelm the poor fella. He's never gonna remember all these names. Well, I'll try my best... Sally, Chairman... Haley, Hooly, Holly, Hilda, Hedy. Miss Yelp. Dr. Larue, Burt from Accounting, Mrs. McGillicuddy... Mr. Farfoogan ofthe Clugan Farfoogans. And wasn't there an old guy in a shower? - Mmm, bathtub. - Ooh! Yeah. We're all here, Horton. And we all believe in you. Wow. That's awesome. And it's a responsibility I do not take lightly. I promise you a future that is safe, sound and stable. We will create a world where every Who is endowed with three inalienable rights... to be determined at a later date. And, uh, we will, uh, put a speck on Mount Nool... before the end ofthis, uh, decade. Oh! This-This elephant is crazy! Oh, my goodness. I gotta tell everybody. I need to get to the kangaroo. Whoo! Wait till they find out about― Oh! Oh! You should have been seeing me. I really let elephant have it. I chase him. I torment him. I break him into million little elephant pieces. It was thing of beauty. Really. My best work. Classic Vlad. - And the clover? - Clover is finished. No way in million years Horton find it. Read my beak. Clover is gone forever. I just saw Horton, and he is still talkin' to that clover! ldiot! Whoa. Come on. I'm your bro. It's me you are talking to. We have history. Come on. Let's not forget— I did this for free. What is happening to theJungle of Nool? There once was a time when people were people... - and specks were specks. - Mm-hmm. Well, I say, ifyou can't see it, hear it or feel it... it doesn't exist! Our way of life is under attack. And who's leading that attack? Horton! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute. This is Horton we're talking about. You all know him. He wouldn't hurt a fly― except for that fly city he sat on, but he didn't do that on purpose. Shut up, mouse. Yeah. That's weird. My brownies are burning. I gotta go. Are we going to let troublemakers like Horton... poison the minds ofour children? Not the children! When Horton tells the children about worlds beyond thejungle... he makes them question authority― which leads to defiance, which leads to anarchy! Yeah! Horton must pay! - It's that speck! - We have to do something! - For the children! - For the children! Are we going to let him get away with this? No! Let's get him! Hmm? Morton? I told you— 100%! Horton! Morton, pick up your feet. Geez! It's not me! Oh. I see. It's an angry mob. Sorry, Morton. I thought it was you that was making all the― But it's― Oh, darn. Everybody! Come on! Run, Horton! - There he is! - Get the speck! Let's rope him! Let's cage him! No! Stop! Hey, fellas. Good to see ya— all at once. You look really great as a horde. Horton, Horton, Horton. Look at the mess you've created foryourself. All this hullabaloo over a silly little flower. It's a speck. Right. I mean, it's silly, really... all this talk of roping you and caging you, and, well... we don't need to go into the details. The point is, this angry mob, all-all the trouble you're in— it can all go away. Really? Of course. All you have to do is admit to everyone... that there are no little people living on that speck... that you were wrong and I was right. You do that, and things can go right back to the way they were. But ifyou don't... you're going to have to pay the price. Heh. So I just have to say it isn't true. Hmm. Go ahead— rope me, cage me. Do whateveryou want. But there are people on this speck... and they have a mayor who has 96 daughters and one son named JoJo... who all share a bathroom, whatever that is. And even though you can't hear or see them at all... a person's a person, no matter how small. Huh? Hmm? That was beautiful, Horton. Rope him! Cage him! Burn that speck in a pot of boiling Beezlenut oil! Hmm. They don't believe we're here. We've got to make some noise! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here. We are here. We are here. - We are here! We are here! - Come on! We are here! We are here! - Everybody! - We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! This will teach you not to make up stories about people on specks! Listen. There they are! - Rope him! - Cage him! It's not working. I can hearyou, but their ears aren't strong enough. We need to be louder! Get every Who to make noise! Everyone! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! JoJo, where are you going? We need every voice! JoJo! You need to make some noise down there... or we'll all be destroyed! The mayor grabbed a tom-tom and started to smack it. And all over Who-ville, they whooped up a racket. They rattled tin kettles. They beat on brass pans. On garbage pail tops and old cranberry cans. They blew on bazookas and blasted great toots. On clarinets, oom-pahs and boom-pahs and flutes. There! We are here! We are here! Can they hear us now? Listen, please! It's the most beautiful thing ever. - I don't hear nothin'! I don't think so. But keep trying! I'll never give in! Are you sure that every Who down in Who-ville is trying? ♪ We are here, we are here ♪ We are here! We are here! - Where's JoJo? - Probably at the old observatory. ♪ We are here We are here ♪ Oh! Oh! Hey! There's a limit! That's not supposed to stretch that far! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh. JoJo. You built this? Whoa-hoo-hoo! Ooh! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! You're making a mistake! - But, Mom! - This doesn't concern you, sweetie. Back in your pouch! ♪ We are here We are here ♪ Everybody! Don't stop! Keep going! This is gonna do it! We are here! We are here! - Can they hear? - No! We are here. We are here. We are here. We are here. We are here. No matterwhat happens, I couldn't ask for a better son. Hey.JoJo? - Come on! Keep going! - We are here! No! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! No! We are here! We are here! We are here! Yopp! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! I hear it! I hear it! They are there! And that "yopp"... that one small extra "yopp" put it over... and all the Who noises burst out ofthe clover. - I hear it! - Me too! - So do I! We are here! We are here! Rudy, give me that. Come. Ru— Rudy, get back in the pouch. Now. No, Mom. Wha— Wickershams, get that clover! Well, a-anybody, take it from him. - Hmm? - Oh! You did it, Mayor. You did it. We did it! - Yeah! - Whoo! Well done, Son. All right, Mayor! Dad! You're one ofthe greats. Whoa! Easy, everyone. Easy! Oh, hi, Vlad. Well, I shouldn't, but— Oh, man, that is nice touch. I am a mess with this, right? Emotional! Here come the waterslide! There's so many people to thank― the good people of Nool... - who put me in a cage and poked me with sticks. - That was me! My buddy Morton, for being the only one who stood by me. Well, not right by me. He hid in the bushes, sending me good thoughts. He's small. Dude, you are a warrior poet. And most ofall, I'd like to thank the mayor ofWho-ville... who believed in me from the beginning. Oh, Horton. We're going to miss you. Gee. What are we gonna do without you, Horton? Aw, don't worry. I'll always be around. ♪ And even as I wander♪ ♪ I'm keeping you in sight ♪ ♪ You're a candle in the window ♪ - ♪ On a cold, dark winter's night ♪ - Beautiful metaphor. ♪ And I'm getting closer♪ ♪ Than I ever thought I might ♪ Whoo! That's a little high for me. - ♪ Baby, I can't fight this ♪ - ♪ Feeling anymore ♪ ♪ I've forgotten what I started fightin' for♪ Ahh. ♪ And if I have to crawl upon your floor ♪ ♪ Come crashing through your door♪ ♪ Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore ♪ ♪ I can't fight this feeling ♪ - ♪ Anymore ♪ - Whoo! And so all ended well... for both Horton and Whos... and for all in thejungle, even kangaroos. So let that be a lesson to one and to all. A person's a person, no matter how small. Ahh. On the fifteenth of May, in the Jungle of Nool, in the heat of the day, in the cool of the pool, He was splashing, enjoying the jungle's great joys. When Horton the elephant, heard a small noise. - Horton! - Horton! Good morning, class. Are you ready? Yeah! Jump on board! Look out, below! Tommy's on board. Katie, you there? - Haaaaaa. - OK! There it is. This is one of the jungle's most amazing creatures. The leaf bug. In order to protect itself from predators It disguises itself as a leaf This one's got quite a grip. Come on, little buddy! Don't be shy! I guess I was mistaken, kids. There are obviously no leaf bugs in this area. Even a perfect... No! They're on me! Look at, get them off! I think I swallowed one! Uh! Ack! it's not coming! Pull it out! Uh... OK. Then, humphing her humph was a sour kangaroo. A type who's convinced she knows better than you She made every law, and enforced every rule as self-proclaimed head, of the Jungle of Nool. Why can't I play with the other kids, Mom? How many times have I told you that the jungle is no place to act like a wild animal. My, that Horton certainly is eccentric. And the children are learning so much from him. Learning to be a bunch of harebrained half-wits. And that's why my Rudy is pouch schooled. So, while Kangaroo stood there sneering a sneer Horton, that was the best time I've ever had in my life! What are you gonna show us next? Once again the speck floated right by Horton's ear. And he heard it again. Just a very faint yelp, as if some tiny person were calling for help. And you know what he thought? Why he thought that there must be someone on top of that small speck of dust. Or even a family. It just might be so. A family with children, just starting to grow. I wanna live! I gotta go. Katie, you're in charge... Wait! Come back! One more! One more! One more! One more! ... - I hear someone coming! - Give me those! - Wait! - Sound the alarm! Excuse me! Pardon my stampede! Sorry, Wickershams. I promise I'm gonna clean all this up later! Bring the ammo! I love the smell of bananas in the morning! Banana in the hole! Come on, guys! We're all mammals! Whoa! I feel the diplomatic process is beginning to breakdown. There you are. I got ya! - Hi, kids. - Wow! There. Now you're safe. I know I heard you say something. I just know it. Where are you? - Horton? - Oh, sorry! I just...ah. There was this speck. And uh... it called out for help. - And I was... - The speck... called out for help? Well not the speck. I mean... that's ridiculous. Is that what you thought I meant? No, the speck can't call out for help. Come on. Get real! No. There's a tiny person on that speck that needs my help. Absurd. There aren't people that small. Well, maybe they aren't small. Maybe... we're big. - Horton! - No! Really, think about it. What if there was someone way out there, looking down on our world right now. And to them, we're the speck. And then there's someone else who'd come along and say, "Oh, there can't be people that small." And the first guy would say "Are you calling me a liar?" And the second guy would say, "If the shoe fits, wear it!" And now the fists are flying, and the first guy picks up a brick. And you might wanna zip up the pouch for this next part. Alright, fat boy! - You want some of this? - Horton? There is nothing on that speck. But I heard. Did you? Really? Oh my! Then how come I don't hear anything. Well... If you can't see, hear, or feel something it doesn't exist. And believing in tiny imaginary people is just not something we do, or tolerate here in the Jungle of Nool. Really? Cause I bet if I really tried I could find somebody - who'd believe what I'm saying. - You will do nothing of the sort. You will not breathe a word of this lie to anyone else. Especially the children. I do not want you poisoning their minds with this nonsense. Our community has standards, Horton. If you want to remain a part of it, I recommend you follow them. Have a nice day. Alright then! I'll ah... take that under advisement. Certainly appreciate your input. I don't understand. I know I heard you. It was as plain as the nose on my face. That's it. Maybe you can't hear me! Of course, your ears must be tiny. I need to speak up! HELLO! Now some people out there, I think I know who, may find they agree with that sour kangaroo "There can't really be people as small as a mite." Well there can. And there are. Because Horton was right. HELLO! That single "hello" traveled all the way down through the speck, through the clouds, till it found a small town, the town known as Whoville, for there live the Whos, feeling happy and safe, knowing only good news, unaware that their world was a speck on a clover, unaware that the sweet life they knew might be over. The Mayor of Whoville, a man named McDodd, who's devoted and fair, and a little bit odd. The Mayor and his wife, they had children to spare. 96 daughters, some here and some there. 96 girls to love, 96 girls to teach. But the Mayor had only a few seconds for each. Daddy, I got better than best on my Whostory [history] test. Ah, Whostory. I remember it well. That's one of my girls. Heldy's been using my hairbrush! Holy's been using my hairbrush! Look, over there! There, all better. Can I please have a Whophone, dad? Everyone else in my class has one. Oh, really? Everyone? - Oh! I will think about it. - Daddy, look! Daddy, look! Toof! It's "th" sweetheart. It's "Tooth". In Whoville tradition, unlike yours or mine Mayor's oldest is next in the mayoral line. And who was the oldest to lead and stand tall? It was JoJo, his son, the smallest Who of all. So, JoJo, what's uh... what's shaking? What's happening? What's the word? Now to you, or to me, it's abundantly clear, that JoJo did not want his father's career. But the Mayor pressed forward, completely deluded. And JoJo just sat there in silence, and brooded. Oh, JoJo! - Hey! Why does he get more time? - That's not fair! Son! Hey! And why didn't he speak? Well I think the lad was afraid if he did, he might let down his dad. You know what's awesome? This is awesome! Just look at the men and women hanging on these walls. You, my boy, are part of a family legacy that spans centuries. You know what? Your grandfather was Mayor of Whoville. And, your great-grandmother, that's right. All the way down to your great- great-great- great-great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great-not so great- great-great-great-great-not so great-great-great- great-great-great-great-not so great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great-great-great-not so great-great-great- great-great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great-not so great-great-great- great-great-great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great-not so great-great-great- great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather! Some day, I hope to join them. Be one of the Greats. I tell you JoJo, there is nothing like being Mayor. I get to sign resolutions, approve ordinances, submit budgets. And in the Edible Parade, I'm the one sitting on top of the giant meatball. Someday, That can be you too, JoJo. Some day you'll be the one wearing the Mayoral crest. You just... You just need to... You know what I mean? OK, good chat! I'm glad that we had this talk, that I'm continuing now by myself. Good. Oh, there. That ought to be comfy. Nothin' wrong with this Morton. Nothin' wrong with this. Just you and me and the speck. Shootin' the breeze. We're a club. We're a group. We can take a vote on the issues. We can be a secret society - that controls the balance of power in the world. - Horton? And no one else can join, unless they wear funny hats! Listen, Horton! The chair recognizes brother Morton. I am really happy you found this speck and all. But you might wanna think about keeping it to yourself. Hmm? What? Why? Well, you're talking to a clover. That doesn't look good. You know what doesn't look good? You, talking about the speck like the speck isn't even there. The speck never said anything bad about you. But, hey! Good luck with your illusional superiority. You know, the speck can think anything it wants about me. It's a speck. Whoa! I see what's going on here. Morton, no matter how tight the speck and I get, the speck could never replace you. I'm only sad that I would have to explain that at this point. Well, that's awesome, Horton. That really helps. Just try to keep this to yourself. I'll see you later. Try. Hey, Horton? What you got there? What? Nothing. We're not doing anything. Who's "we"? We? What? We? Did I say that? I just... Oh, no, I would never say that. Because that would imply that I was with someone and not alone. OK, seriously, you can't tell anybody! I mean it. If anybody finds out about this, it could be very, very bad. I'm not sure why. We won't tell anyone. And if we do, we'll tell them not to tell anyone. Perfect! OK I'm taking a bath, right. Cause my skin gets kind of dry, and a little bit ashy. While Horton came clean about the speck that he'd found, and how he'd saved it when it nearly drowned, the Mayor set off on his morning commute, and noticed things weren't quite the same on his route. But please don't blame Horton, for he didn't know, that a small bump above... "and I dove in the water like this!" ...was a big bump below. Hey, Joe! Don't work too hard! Ah! These luxury condos, they don't build themselves. Hey, look at that! I guess they do build themselves. OK... that happened. Now the Mayor knew it was his job to convey the unusual things that he noticed that day. But there was one problem. Though his will was strong... - You're late. - Thank you Miss Yelp. ...nothing in Whoville had ever gone wrong. We have all that we need. We need all that we've got. We like it in Whoville. We like it a lot. We're all very busy with the Who-centennial coming up. So, let's bring this meeting to order. Mr. Mayor, I presume you have some good news for us. Well, it's news. I don't know if we need to go labeling it good or bad or anything like that. The thing is, I have noticed some odd goings-on in Whoville lately. Good on goings-on? Well, you know. Tremors, clouds swirling in the sky. And it seems to me, just be safe, we might wanna consider... (Postponing the Who-centennial) Consider what? (Postponing the Who-centennial) What? ! Speak up, man! Postponing the Who-centennial, alright? We are about to celebrate 100 years of Whoville happiness and harmony. And you want to postpone the celebration? Well, what if Whoville's not safe? Nothing ever goes wrong in Whoville. Never has and never will. You blathering boob! Boob? The Who-centennial will proceed as planned! The Mayor was merely being an idiot. He will be all smiles from now on. Girl, I got 15,000 friends already. What? What you mean it don't look like me? That look just like me. Ten years ago... Wait a minute, hold on for a second. Treats me like an idiot? I am not an idiot! Do I look like an idiot? ! - You don't want me to answer that. - I'm not an idiot. Has the nerve to call me a boob? I would never call somebody a boob. He's a boob. Look at you. Yuck. Look at your face. And I bet, you don't look so good with a staple on your head! Whoa! Wow! - Thank you, Miss Yelp. - You're welcome. Oh! Hello? Who's that? Back off, I'll punch you! Hello? Hello? Who's there? Um, this is the Mayor. The Mayor? Put your finger on it. Where did those rings come from? I'm going home now. I have to distribute ads tomorrow. To earn money? But I can give you money. Here. Take it if you want. You've stolen them from people you have killed, isn't that right? - They've been given to me. - By whom? Different people. I want to go home now. If I may? The time has come to sell this. Dad's stamp collection. This one, one stamp is worth 80,000. We'll find a good buyer and I won't bargain the price... Then we'll buy that pretty piece of land. It's so beautiful there. We can both live there. Listening to the birdsong and growing vegetables... Lacke, you have to help me. Sure... That child... She must have infected me. I don't want to live. Good morning! Looking good. I think you can go home today. Isn't that great? I'll just open this... And take a blood sample. There we go. Listen... Could you open the blinds please? Sure... no problem. Give me your hat. Let's go! What's your problem? Give it to me. Are you stupid? Come on, give it to me. Give it to him hard, Conny! - Fight. - Are you blind as well as deaf? - Hi. - What's up? Can you give me the keys? I'm going home. - Sure, here you go. - Thanks, see ya. - Who's the man in your house? - Well, well, Conny... - What are you laughing at? - Why, can't you hear, Conny... - Hi. - Hi. You have to let me in. And if I don't? What happens if you just walk in? Is there something in your way? No! You may come in! Who are you? I'm just like you. What do you mean? What are you looking at? Huh? Are you looking at me? Squeal then! Squeal! Those are the first words that I heard you say. I don't kill people. No. But you'd like to if you could... For revenge, right? Yeah. Oskar, I do it because I have to. Become me for a while. Please, Oskar, become me for a while. You can borrow one of my mom's dresses. Oskar let me in. What are you doing? I'm in the bathroom, I'll be right there. Let me in now, Oskar. Hi, I'm in the bathroom. Please don't go in there. Do you want to go out tonight? I like you so much. Your Eli. I can't see... No! Let me go! Thanks. Oskar... I have to leave. WHO KILLED THE ICE MAN? Hello? Is that you, Oskar? It's me, Martin. Mr. Avila wants to know if you're coming tonight. Why? Don't know, he just asked. Maybe he wants you to come. I don't know... By the way, what you did to Conny was good. - He deserved it. - What an actor! Do you think so? Sure. Are you coming tonight? - Good, Oskar. - Hi. Hi, Oskar. Hi. Come on, let's do aerobics in the water. Hurry up! Come on, Oskar! Let's go! Move it. What? Joder! Call the firemen! Fire! Go away! Get out! Do you know who I am? - Yes. - Good. That means you understand. Let's have a little contest. You have to stay under the water for three minutes. If you can do it I'll only cut you a little. But if you can't then I'll take an eye. An eye for an ear, OK? But it's impossible. That's your problem. Three minutes. You'd better take a deep breath. five, four, three two, one. - Jimmy... - Shut up! - Come on, let's get out of here. - I said shut up! Translated by Festkissen Oskar What sheriff subtle is trying to tell you Is that I'm pregnant. I have a new puzzle for you to solve. This complex is massive. prewar. What, late '30s? I believe. That's before eureka was built. What's down there? Mrs. thorne, ever since you got to this town, You've been looking for something. Tell me what's going on. No. I have to what? Oversee the mayoral election. This is the official polling place. It's not a big deal, carter. Well, now why can't jo do it? Because jo's not your lackey. Well, the town charter says That voting security falls on the highest ranking Law enforcement officer. That would be you. Unless you promote me Or become otherwise incapacitated. The mayor's seat has been open for over a year. The town needs a voice. This is a very important service card. Well, how important can it be? I mean, my daughter's backing Her 17-year-old boyfriend for the job. Eureka doesn't discriminate. Some of our smartest citizens are teens. So instead of working, I have to sit here and count ballots For some doogie mayor? No, actually, your sister volunteered for that job. Um, it's a bad idea. Lex becomes really obsessed with politics. And her mood swings are already out of hand. Actually, she's really into it. And you know what, You should be a little more sensitive. Your sister's pregnant. I'm mr. sensitive. Like... What--paper ballots? Digital voting machines are way too easy to tamper with. And campaigns get Really competitive around here. Okay. I'll do it. I'm--i'm-- thank you. Mr. sensitive though. Oh, my goodness. what a beautiful baby. Love that shirt. there we go. Uh, more vinspresso? remember, vote vincent. You're doing great. they love you! I can't believe I let you talk me into this. I hate politics. We're the glue that holds this town together, vincent. - It's time we had a voice. - Guys, smile here. That's great! Thanks! All right. now back to kissin' babies. A vote for lucas is a vote For youthful innovation. Oh, here's his ten point plan. Kylie, can you help me pass out some more buttons, please? Then can we work on our lab project? What's more important, kylie, homework Or changing the world? I don't know, zoe. I've never been much of a leader. Which is why you have me. That baby face of yours promises idealism and hope For all the minors of the town. And I am going to help you deliver it. You mean manipulate it. Tomay-to. tomah-to. Sheriff carter. Halo herrera. Nephrologist, concerned citizen, And future mayor of eureka. Well, you don't see that combo platter every day. Well, I'd like to talk to you about getting your endorsement. I'm getting coffee. oh, hey, could-- Not your lackey. Huh. well, um, i-- mr. herrera is it? I would love to endorse somebody, but-- But he's already promised his endorsement-- To my candidate, right, sheriff? actually-- Eureka needs a mayor who understands How a company town works. Why? so your boss can have some global dynamics puppet To sell out the town? I mean, how many people is thorne gonna fire? Which is why vincent is the best candidate Because he's out nurturing the community and-- Guys! I just want my coffee. Vincent, get sheriff carter a vinspresso on the house. It's already on the house and bribery is a crime. Nice try, fargo. Do we amuse you, herrera? Watch and learn, kids. Folks, would everybody follow me outside? I have something that will entertain and amaze you. Okay. I'm done. Now can we talk about our project? I've got some damage control to do here, kylie. Why don't you just get it started? But we're supposed to work together. And we will after you've had a chance to show me What you've got. So you're letting me take lead? That's right. now get to work, partner. Leave professional politics to the professionals. Told you it gets competitive. That's just wrong. uh-huh. Big news, guys. Yeah, what's up? Those ancient security cameras we saw in the bunker, I pulled the negatives Before thorne locked the place up again. It's 35 millimeter. We just have to find someone old enough to develop it. What? The latest next gen technology zane's been developing For our sponsor. Overengineered to keep you cool In the hottest situations. It's amazing what the greatest scientific minds And a big old corporate check can buy you. Too bad we can't buy the next mayoral election. Just kidding, allison. I would, however, like you to endorse Dr. herrera. Well, won't that be seen as global dynamics taking sides? Maybe. But on the other hand, Having someone to smooth ruffled feathers During the next round of cutbacks Isn't a bad idea. Well, I prefer to make up my own mind. You should also think about what's best for global. We need a personal relationship with the town. One that shows that we're all on the same team. Are you and I on the same team, eva? Of course. I'd like to think we're also friends. Good. So why don't you tell me what's in the bunker Under tesla. We found bariogenic radiation. Zoe and her friends are very lucky That they weren't infected. That's why I'm ordering a thermal cleaning Of the entire facility. You realize you'll destroy any organic material That's left inside. Our first obligation is to the town. Excuse me. Make sure you vote. This is allison blake. I need some records from the archive. What a time suck this is. How did we live before digital? I never knew you had an artistic side, carter. I'm a man of many facets. Check out the date stamp. 1939. I thought eureka wasn't founded till 1950. Well, it wasn't. What were they doin' down there? Well, whatever it was, They tried to bury it for good. huh. Look who we have here. S.a.r.a.h., lights. certainly, sheriff. That was yesterday? Thorne's been lookin' for somethin' Ever since she came to eureka. How much you wanna bet it's in this room? What is she up to? That's gonna have to wait till tomorrow The debate's about to begin. You prepare your opening remarks? What opening remarks? Hello. hello. is this on? Hi, everyone. uh, welcome to debate night. Uh, I'm sheriff carter and I'll be-- Ugh! cut to the chase! we want issues, not filler! Thank you, lexi, For your wildly inappropriate enthusiasm. So without further ado, I give you your candidates. And if elected, I'll bring the same principles To the mayor's office as I do to cafe diem. In short, you want it, I got it! I promise to bring a voice to the pre-teen prodigy That the establishment Too often sees as just another pretty brain. Times are changing and eureka must change with it. I will protect the tenets on which this town was founded And help usher in a new day for eureka. It's a new day all right. Just another day in eureka. Well, it's a mini sun. Really? Took you brainiacs all night to come up with that? No. it took us all night to rule out Any g.d. experiments as the cause. So now we have two suns. Just like tatooine. Tatu-what? Geek speak. The good news is it's stable Holding its position at about 1,000 feet. So we're not lighting up the entire state. Yeah, the last thing we need Is a spotlight on the town the whole world can see. Well, agree. But it's 6:00 a.m. and 90 degrees. How do we turn it off? I'm not sure yet. It has to be some kind of fusion reaction. Sounds dangerous. No, not necessarily. Based on its containment, I'd--i'd say it's deliberate. Who'd want to make a second sun on purpose? Maybe the guy who was trying to make a big bang At the debates. Oh, cloud guy. herrera. Eva wanted me to endorse him. Such a hidden agenda. Huh? what do you mean? Um, zane found some security photos Of her sneaking around the facility. What's down there anyway? Well, nothing for long. She ordered a thermal cleaning. Can--can we stop it till we get inside? No, she's forbidden access. The whole place is classified. Something's goin' on. You go talk to herrera. I'll look into it. Yes, allison blake. She asked for me? O--o--okay. I'm on my way. Hot enough for you? yeah. What's with the umbrellas? He likes to be prepared? Did that just come from inside? That would be yes. Hey, sheriff. You change your mind about that endorsement? Uh, not really. what is this? This is the end to drought, Which we may be needing sooner than later. Welcome to my cloud farm. Cloud farm? Yeah, that's-- that's what he said. I'm taking cloud city to a whole new level With nanotech hydration. Cumulus, stratus, cirrus, I can create 'em all. Oh, like you did with the--with the, uh, Cloud gag yesterday. nice, huh? I found a way to hydrogenically infuse the atmosphere So I can literally sculpt clouds. The commercial applications are limitless. Wow. well, I'm--i'm more concerned about your sun stunt. Sun? no, no, no. I'm strictly a cloud guy. Not that I don't mind the bump in the polling numbers. People love a spectacle. Yeah, but you have to admit the timing was suspicious. Have anyone from global come and review my record. My life is an open book, sheriff. I'm beholden to my constituents. Gotta admit, it's a hell of a show. Zane. just the man I'm lookin' for. Save your breath, fargo. I already know who I'm voting for. I'm offended. You think I'm only here to get your vote? You're not? no. I also want a favor. It is roasting out there. A candidate has to project cool confidence Under the most extreme conditions. I hear through the grapevine you're beta testing something That can help with staying cool. Yeah, I might be. Give me enough to get through the election And if--when vincent wins, I'll name a park bench after you. Tempting, but no. I don't do politics. But good luck with that. Based on these sun scans, I'd say your competition's definitely heating up. I was testing the voting machines And I got dizzy. I know you're not an ob. Not really a fan of western medicine. But I trust you. Well, I'm flattered. I'm sure you have much bigger issues to deal with. Yes, and I have people To deal with them. So let's put your mind at ease. So carter says you've always been interested in politics. He said I'm obsessed, didn't he? No. Jack thinks the system is broken. But I think it's up to us to make the system work. Well, this little guy's system is working perfectly. Here. want to take a look? It's amazing. What, is something wrong? I think I figured out why your hormones Are so out of whack. You're getting a double dose. Lexi, you're having twins. both boys. Two sons? Two suns. why didn't I think of that? Because it's crazy. It's brilliant. Lucas, I don't think you appreciate What's at stake here. I mean, the mayor's office oversees city hall. So? so... That includes the sheriff's department. I mean, you could be my dad's boss. And I thought he hated me now. It's time to step up our game. When the world hands you suns, make sunscreen. Iced mocha, folks. Stays cool as vincent will be When he takes the oath of office. Suits? it's over 100 degrees out here. Some candidates can handle the heat Better than others. Nice gimmick. We're just helping the voters Stay refreshed so they can make A cogent decision at the polling booth. Yeah, and we're just trying to protect voters From harmful uv rays so they won't be blinded By indecision. Iced mocha! get it while it's cold. Sunscreen, people. Vote lucas and say no to premature aging. Zoe, I've had a small issue with our class project. Bigger priorities at the moment, kylie. Here, grab a box. No. I think this is something You're really gonna want to see. This better be good. Okay, fargo, what's the big emergency? The corruption of the democratic process. Everyone knows herrera's in thorne's pocket. And now she's harassing my candidate. look. What are you talking about? It's my wall of fame. Thorne took it. she redacted all the photos Of eureka's founders. She just doesn't want the voters to see How connected vincent is to this town's history. Why would she do that? why? Herrera checked out. There's nothing in his background Having to do with solar energy Or fusion power. Great. so we got two suns and no suspect. And now apparently no air conditioning. You get anything off herrera? Other than a creepy politician vibe, no. No, nothing. what did you find? Well, I ran some scans. The sun has all the properties Of a main sequence dwarf star. The big question is its energy source. Well, I might be able to shed some light on that. I ordered copies of all records Having to do with the hidden facility under tesla. Now, of course, Eva's either had them redacted Or they don't exist. But she forgot one thing. Accounting. Oh, somebody messed up their lunch receipt. The d.o.d. keeps track of every penny that they spent. So I thought I'd see Where they were spending in 1939. Check out the stuff They were ordering. Deuterium. tritium. These are heavy hydrogen atoms. Yeah, and the essential elements In building fusion bombs. So thorne dug up an old bomb testing facility? Allison, we gotta get into that room Before thorne does her, uh, thermal cleaning thing. To do what exactly? To figure out whether something down there Is causing what's up here. Hurry up. it's over here. Kylie, it's a billion degrees out. I don't have time to play house. Excuse me. I'm nine and I'm a junior. I don't play house. Then what are we doing here? Take a look. Kylie, can you remind me what our assignment was? Build a working model of the solar system. Took that a bit literally, did you? How'd you get all the planets to orbit like that? They are not the problem. The sun's a little off. We are so getting an "a." One small issue. I can't make it stop. So we're not getting an "a"? Yeah, not so much. You know what, a controlled fusion reaction like this Takes real talent. Well, it wasn't even that hard. Take a gravitron field generator, Surround it in a little Reactor plasma, heat and serve. Huh. served up kind of a big helping, Don't you think? Well, we're a little off on the plasma density. We? oh no, no, no. See, I didn't do this. Um, and I'm gonna need you to resign from the campaign. We can't afford the scandal. Thanks for the support, partner. Henry, I got a town full of cranky people Who need some sleep. You got any ideas? Yeah, make it do what it's supposed to do. It should've started to dissipate by now. Well, it's--it's getting some fuel from somewhere. Chances are it'll-- it'll burn itself out. But in the meantime, I'm gonna go back to my garage And research just how fast. Okay. thanks. let me know what you found. Can I come? I want to help. Oh, I think you helped enough already today, Don't you? I tell you what, you can take atmospheric readings, okay? Great. Great. So what convinced you? Oh, eva had all the old photos removed from cafe diem. Add that to the mass redaction of old g.d. records-- And making jo shut down the eureka museum. And having me and henry dig up this place. They're all windows into eureka's past. Windows thorne seems to want shut. Let's find out why. Focus on our constituents. No swag for seniors. We're on a budget. Hey, um, kylie, look, About earlier. You mean when you sold me out? You made a second sun. You told me to take the lead. I was being nice. Like all politicians, You'll say whatever it takes to get what you want. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. The radiogenic detection field Reads negative for fusion products. That good or bad? It means we're not being radiated. Rats. Oh no, that's definitely a good thing, carter. No, I mean, literally. rats. - You got somethin' you want to say? - no. Okay, come on. Henry said that the second sun Was getting fuel from somewhere. Is it down here? Well, if it is, I'm not finding it. I can't believe this place has been under us All these years. It's like a door into eureka's past. Look at this. That's the door we saw in the security photos. All right, let's unlock it. My specialty. How long do you need? This long. These old school locks are no match For a 20 zettahertz processor. Okay. this is a bit of a letdown. Why order a thermal cleaning of an empty room? Good point. maybe it wasn't always empty. Can I see, uh, the light scanner thingy? One biotelemetric dispersion scanner. Yes. okay. coming up. This baby reads patterns of movement Left behind by organic materials. All right, let's see who's been in here. Look at that. The dust layer means that these prints are old. But these high heels are definitely new. So are the military boots. Looks like they were moving stuff out. Like what? Like them. oh, my god. are those-- Bodies? carter, hand me the scanner. These bodies were removed In the last 24 hours. We have to find out who they were And what they were doing down here. And why thorne was trying to hide them. This facility is classified And scheduled for thermal cleaning. Yet here you are violating direct orders. Eva-- I'd except this kind of insubordination From you, sheriff. Thank you. But from you two... I've always had a bit of trouble With authority. As far as I'm concerned, This just became an active crime scene. Oh, this is out of your jurisdiction, sheriff. I'd be happy to have the d.o.d. remind you of that. And I'd be happy to tell them why. You tryin' to bluff me? No, he's not because he's leaving. We all are. No, actually. we're not. Carter, we crossed the line. Let's not make it any worse. You sure about this? Sorry. Okay. I can't believe allison backed down. Yeah, me neither. Now thorne has all the evidence. I wouldn't say all the evidence. I yanked the data chip from the dispersion scanner Before they took my stuff. We can see images of everything we scanned. Nice. That's definitely not good. Really? Based on my initial data, It should've burned itself out hours ago. That doesn't look like it's burning out. It looks like it's getting hotter. I'm melting. It's midnight and 110 in the shade. People are getting pretty testy. Yeah, me included. It reminds me of tornado weather. I have a really bad feeling about this. Well, um, just keep everybody calm And preferably indoors. Roger that. Kylie is gathering atmospheric data. I should know something soon. All right. zane's working on it too. And in the meantime, Thorne's wiping out any evidence That connects her to these bodies. Any idea who they were? I'm getting conflicting information. How so? From the surveillance photos, Their approximate age is somewhere between 35 and 45 When they entered the room in 1939. All right. with you so far. The organic residue that you scanned Establishes that they also died in 1939. So they were buried there for 70 years? Yeah, well, here's the really puzzling thing. Common sense says they were around 40 when they died. But based on these readings, Their biological age is somewhere around 80. I want someone posted outside that facility At all times. Nobody comes in until after the thermal cleaning. Let's get the bodies ready for transport. Transport? to where? I'm afraid that's classified information, allison, As is everything in this room. And I'd really appreciate it if you leave now. You said that you considered us to be friends. I do too. So why don't you just tell me who those men are? I know what it looks like from where you stand, But it's not what you think. These were good men Who gave their lives for this town. And it could've been prevented. You make it sound as if you knew them. It's time for you to go now. Why are you doing this? Because I have to. Dr. deacon, There's something I think You're really gonna want to see. Well, please tell me You didn't make another sun. No, I've been trying to figure out How to extinguish the first one. You mean the second one. Semantics? really, sheriff? Could we just-- what? Kylie, what did you find? Well, I've been doing readings all over town And the upper air is saturated with excess hydrogen. Is that bad? Well, uh, not by itself. But mixed with kylie's project, Hydrogen could cause a whopping fusion reaction. Well, how whopping are we talking? Well, depending on the source and how much is left, big. Look, I don't know where this hydrogen is coming from But I promise I didn't do it. That's okay. I have a pretty good idea who did. There's no way my clouds caused this. Well, it's not the clouds themselves. It's what's inside of them. There's a lot--it's a whole lot of hydrogen, right? Well, not that much. Maybe 1,000 liters At standard temperature and pressure. Well, you've been outside. it's plenty. How was I supposed to know someone'd be creating A stellar fusion reaction in their club house? Hello. you live in eureka. I guess this means I won't be getting your endorsement. Well, it's-- just stick to the problem. Is this how you deliver the nanos to make your clouds? Yep. a single stage booster that fuels the cold accelerant Mixer for better saturation and heat dispersion. Nice. We gotta fix this. can you reverse it? You mean exsanguinate the excess hydrogen From eureka's lower atmosphere? - Yes. - no. I mean, I can make any shape you want, But once the clouds have seeded, Natural hydration processes take over. I say we enjoy the extra sunlight while we can. It'll burn itself out soon enough. You were saying? It should've extinguished itself. But it didn't. That's because kylie's sun-- Ingenious though it is-- Has evolved from a dwarf star And is developing into a red super giant. Uh, which means? Instead of burning out, It's blowing up big time. Not my fault entirely. And it's not stopping there. The sun flares are just the beginning. And we only have a few hours before it goes critical. Okay,what are our options? If we can get close enough to launch a dispersion module, A concentration of iron atoms Fired directly into the sun's core Should cause it to implode. And imploding's a good thing? Yes. once the sun's incapable of fusion reaction, Then,uh,we'll all be safe. What if it doesn't work? We all get front row seats to a supernova Way bigger than hiroshima. And eureka becomes a mile deep crater. That's too risky. we need to evacuate now. Y--jo's already started. But this is also The most advanced research complex on the planet And we have an opportunity to save it. And I'm already developing a compound To trigger the implosion. And I'm working on a delivery system. Towns can be rebuilt. people can't. Which is why we're evacuating The people while we're trying to save the town. We're multitasking. Sheriff,you might be comfortable risking lives, But I'm not. Make sure everybody gets out while there's still time. Eva,we have a chance to save decades of research. That wasn't a request. It's like she wants to see the place Go up in flames. I think she might. Well,what now? Let's go,people! Move! move! shuttles are waiting outside. Let's go! You know,jo,after the election, We'll have quite the influence around here. Maybe I can up your pay rate. Don't make me use the stun gun. You heard her,fargo. keep moving. Everybody move. But we're just making sure his constituents Are safely away first. How come you two aren't drenched like the rest of us? Oh,a worthy candidate is always cool under pressure,sheriff. And it's classified. However,I could be convinced To share my secret for,say, Your endorsement. This is mine. Both of you on the bus. Go. go! Everybody move! keep goin'! Sounds like we're using sunscreen To beat injustice. Just smile and look pretty. Zo,what are you doin'? you gotta go. Guys,please. please. Not yet.Latest election polls Only show lucas down by two points. Lucas,you want to score points with the voters Or with your girlfriend's old man? No contest,sir. That'll work. Vote lucas! All right,everybody's cleared out. Any luck? We're locked and loaded,sheriff. Xrt online and ready. It'll take two people To get the module in position for launch. I can do that on my own. No. I'll go with you. I know this baby best. Okay. all right. you three get to an evacuation site. - And kylie,nice work. - Thanks. Be careful. Thanks. Hey,could you keep an eye on,uh,lex and zoe? Of course. just come back safely. Thanks. All right,we're at a safe distance from town. We can move everyone quickly if we need to, But with ten evac camps for 2,600 people. Things are gonna get crowded. How are you feelin'? I just wish someone would do something about the heat. I hear your pain. This town needs a mayor who can be cool in a crisis. And if I'm elected, I promise I won't sleep Until darkness falls again on eureka. Oh,please. You don't need stale campaign promises. You need ideas that are fresh As baked bread,which by the way, Vincent also provides twice daily. Say no to half-baked science and overbaked bread. Lucas is your man. He can't bake his way out of a paper bag. Oh yeah,like cloud makers... What is wrong with all of you? Eureka was founded to protect the greater good. You're worried about votes. You should be worried about lives. You cannot be a leader if there is no town to lead. So I suggest you get your priorities straight. That was beautiful. Having fun yet? Oh yeah,'cause driving headlong Into a fiery death is everybody's idea Of a good time. Sometimes I think it's his. Carter,could we have a minute? Oh,yeah. yeah,yeah. sure. Jo,you're supposed to be miles away At an evac camp by now. I should risk my life more often. I prefer you didn't. Come on,josefina,don't go all serious on me now. It's too late. Sheriff. I thought we agreed to evacuate. We did. so what are you still doing here? None of your business. - Don't play games. - I'm not. I think zane's device is going to work. Probably. If you don't die first. That is part of the job. And the men in that bunker would know that. Sheriff,whatever it is you think you know About what you found or about me,it's wrong. Maybe. But I'm just gettin' started. If there's one thing I've learned in life Is that nobody should be left behind, No matter what the reason. And that includes you. Mrs. thorne,I'm duty bound to enforce this evacuation. Jo,make sure she gets out of town safely. And no,that's not a request. That looks pretty bad. You sure the rocket can handle it? And untested delivery system Aimed at an out of control mini sun. What could go wrong? Ready? 10,9,8, 7... It's fried. Call allison. Okay,carter,what's wrong? It's zane's module. the electronics are fried. Do you have any spares lying around? Okay,g.d. has plenty Of short range booster assemblies. We just need to adapt them To the xrt's specifications. We'll never make it back in time. There is another way. Dr. Herrera's hydrogen seeding device. It uses similar boosters to the xrt. But my greenhouse is too close to that sun. And there's no way they'll ever survive the heat. Well,hold on. maybe there is. What are you thinking? Well,like fargo said earlier. A worthy candidate is always cool under pressure I've been workin' On this heat protection formula for weeks. Sure that'll work? It's a prototype. But it's overengineered to respond To increased body heat and adrenaline. Well,takin' on a supernova So we should have plenty of both. All you gotta do is slather it on. We should have a good 10,maybe 15 minutes Before we combust. Fantastic. We're gettin' awful close. Then why are you slowing' down? I'm not. You smell burning rubber? We're gonna have to run for it. Dude,it's like 2 zillion degrees out there. Okay,I'm game. You do anything normal for fun? I play a wicked game of yahtzee. Put that gel on thick if you know what's good for ya. You ready? I feel like a lobster in here. Temp's climbing. if we stay long,we'll boil. Find the rocket. It might help if I could see anything. Keep looking! Got it! got it! Zane! zane! Yep! right! Carter? No. this way. And... Set. Oh damn that's hot! I know. I know. we only get one shot at this. I don't want to miss. Using gps to target? I was gonna eyeball it. Oh,stellar. Uh,carter,whatever happens, It's been fun. No,it hasn't. push the button. Take a look at that,huh? That is quite a sunset. So you managed to pull it off. You sound disappointed. Someone cancelled the thermal cleaning. I wonder who. You may have the backing of the d.o.d., But these people still work for me. And you work for me. Not without an explanation. Those bodies-- Are my concern. You're asking me to trust you, But you're giving me nothing. Well,I'll give you some advice. History has a way of haunting you No matter how far you run. This is part of mine and I'm putting it to rest. So you stay out of my way. Listen,um,whoever wins, It was nice doing battle with you. After all this,I don't even care who wins anymore. yeah. As long as one of us buries that guy. Amen to that. Hey,partner. thanks for the save. Fiery death not popular with voters. I caused it. it's the least I could do. It was my fault too. I got so caught up in everything When I should've been helping you. I'm sorry. this time I'll make it up to you. This time? Well,we have to make a new model. And someone should make sure I don't destroy the universe. So... Partners? Glad to see you're okay. Me too. Look,a--about before-- It's cool,jo. it was a crisis. You were caught up in the moment. No,i-i-i wasn't. You're welcome. Way to go,sheriff. So,how's the... Itchy. mm. Hope that means it's healing well. Listen,what,uh, You and zane did was a brave-- Mythic. Maybe selfish. I'm growing attached to the town. Well,this town,you know, Is fortunate to have you to protect it. Well,I'm just doin' my job. And,um,thorne? I'm workin' on it. May I have your attention,please? Excuse me. Excuse me. Everyone,can I have your attention,please? Everyone. Hello! Quiet! Thank you. okay. All the ballots are in. It was a very close race. But after a late night surge at the polling booths, Our new mayor elect is... Mr. henry deacon. - No! - No. - Yes! - Seriously? Um,no. no,wait. wait. I wasn't even on the ballot. I kinda started a write-in campaign. And,uh,someone gave you their official endorsement. You're welcome. I-i-i don't know... what to say. Say that you'll take the job Because zoe's boyfriend is the runner up. Clearly this is a-- A surprise. I'm not one for making campaign promises. But,um,I will say this. What makes eureka special is not the ideal behind it, But you. This community. This family that I'm very proud To be a part of. And it's this family That I promise to protect No matter what. Thank you. See. sometimes the system does work. Previously on Eureka What Sheriff Subtle's trying to tell you is that... I'm pregnant. I have a new puzzle for you to solve. This complex is massive. - Prewar. What, late 30's? - I believe. It's before Eureka was built. What's down there? Ever since you got to this town, you've been looking for something. Tell me what's going on. No. - I have to what? - Oversee the mayoral election. This is the official polling place. It's not a big deal, Carter. - Well, now why can't Jo do it? - Because Jo's not your lackey. Well, the town charter says that voting security falls on the highest ranking law enforcement officer. That would be you. Unless you promote me or become otherwise incapacitated. The Mayor's seat has been open for over a year. The town needs a voice. This is a very important service card. How important can it be? I mean, my daughter's backing her 17-year-old boyfriend for the job. Eureka doesn't discriminate. Some of our smartest citizens are teens. So instead of working, I have to sit here and count ballots for some doogie Mayor? No, actually, your sister volunteered for that job. It's a bad idea. Lex becomes really obsessed with politics. And her mood swings are already out of hand. Actually, she's really into it. And you should be more sensitive. - Your sister's pregnant. - I'm Mr. Sensitive. Like... What... Paper ballots? Digital voting machines are way too easy to tamper with. And campaigns get really competitive around here. Okay. I'll do it. I'm... I'm... - Thank you. - Mr. Sensitive though. Oh, my goodness. What a beautiful baby. Love that shirt. There we go. More Vinspresso? Remember, vote Vincent. Great. They love you! I can't believe I let you talk me into this. I hate politics. We're the glue that holds this town together, Vincent. It's time we had a voice. Smile. - That's great, thanks. - All right. Now back to kissin' babies. A vote for Lucas is a vote for youthful innovation. Oh, here's his ten point plan. Kylie, can you help me pass out some more buttons, please? Then can we work on our lab project? What's more important, Kylie, homework or changing the world? I don't know, Zoe. - I've never been much of a leader. - Which is why you have me. That baby face of yours promises idealism and hope for all the minors of the town. And I am going to help you deliver it. - You mean manipulate it. - Tomay-to. Tomah-to. Sheriff Carter. Halo Herrera. Nephrologist, concerned citizen, and future mayor of Eureka. Well, you don't see that combo platter everyday. I'd like to talk about your endorsement. I'm getting coffee. - Could... - Not your lackey. Well, I... Mr. Herrera is it? I would love to endorse somebody, but... But he's already promised his endorsement... - To my candidate, right, Sheriff? - Actually... Eureka needs a mayor who understands how a company town works. Why? So your boss can have some Global Dynamics puppet to sell out the town? How many people is Thorne gonna fire? So Vincent is the best candidate, he's all about nurturing the community. Guys! I just want my coffee. Vincent, get Sheriff Carter a Vinspresso on the house. It's already on the house and bribery is a crime. Yeah. Nice try, Fargo. Do we amuse you, Herrera? Watch and learn, kids. Folks, would everybody follow me outside? I have something that will entertain and amaze you. Okay. I'm done. Now can we talk about our project? I've got some damage control to do. - Why don't you just get it started? - But we're supposed to work together. We will after you've shown me what you've got. - So you're letting me take lead? - That's right. Now get to work, partner. Leave professional politics to the professionals. - Told you it gets competitive. - That's just wrong. - Big news, guys. - Yeah, what's up? Those ancient security cameras we saw in the bunker, I pulled the negatives before Thorne locked the place up again. It's 35 millimeter. We just have to find someone old enough to develop it. What? The latest next gen technology Zane's been developing for our sponsor. Overengineered to keep you cool in the hottest situations. It's amazing what the greatest minds and a big old corporate check can buy. Too bad we can't buy the next mayoral election. Just kidding, Allison. I would, however, like you to endorse Dr. Herrera. Well, won't that be seen as Global Dynamics taking sides? Maybe. But on the other hand, having someone to smooth ruffled feathers during the next round of cutbacks isn't a bad idea. Well, I prefer to make up my own mind. You should also think about what's best for Global. We need a personal relationship with the town. One that shows that we're all on the same team. Are you and I on the same team, Eva? Of course. I'd like to think we're also friends. Good. So why don't you tell me what's in the bunker under Tesla. We found bariogenic radiation. Zoe and her friends are very lucky that they weren't infected. That's why I'm ordering a thermal cleaning of the entire facility. You realize you'll destroy any organic material that's left inside. Our first obligation is to the town. Excuse me. Make sure you vote. This is Allison Blake. I need some records from the archive. What a time suck this is. How did we live before digital? I never knew you had an artistic side, Carter. I'm a man of many facets. Check out the date stamp. 1939. I thought Eureka wasn't founded till 1950. Well, it wasn't. What were they doin' down there? Well, whatever it was, they tried to bury it for good. Look who we have here. - SARAH, lights. - Certainly, Sheriff. That was yesterday? Thorne's been lookin' for somethin' ever since she came to Eureka. How much you wanna bet it's in this room? So what is she up to? That's gonna have to wait till tomorrow. The debate's about to start. - You prepare your opening remarks? - What opening remarks? Hello. Hello. Is this on? Hi, everyone. Welcome to debate night. - I'm Sheriff Carter and I'll be... - Cut to the chase! We want issues, not filler! Thank you, Lexi, for your wildly inappropriate enthusiasm. So without further ado, I give you your candidates. And if elected, I'll bring the same principles to the mayor's office as I do to Café Diem. In short, you want it, I got it! I promise to bring a voice to the pre-teen prodigy that the establishment too often sees as just another pretty brain. Times are changing and Eureka must change with it. I will protect the tenets on which this town was founded and help usher in a new day for Eureka. It's a new day all right. Season 3 Episode 7 Here Come the Suns (v 1.00) Team Projet-SG. Just another days in Eureka. Well, it's a mini sun. Really? Took you all night to come up with that? No. It took us all night to rule out any GD experiments as the cause. - So now we have two suns. - Just like Tatooine. - Tatu-what? - Geek speak. The good news is it's stable holding its position at about 1,000 feet. We're not lighting the entire state. The last thing we need is a spotlight on the town the whole world can see. Well, agree. But it's 6:00 AM. And 90 degrees. How do we turn it off? I'm not sure yet. It has to be some kind of fusion reaction. - Sounds dangerous. - No, not necessarily. Based on its containment, I'd say it's deliberate. Who'd want to make a second sun on purpose? Maybe the guy who was trying to make a big bang at the debates. Oh, cloud guy. Herrera. Eva wanted me to endorse him. - Such a hidden agenda. - What do you mean? Zane found some security photos of her sneaking around the facility. - What's down there anyway? - Well, nothing for long. She ordered a thermal cleaning. Can we stop it till we get inside? No, she's forbidden access. The whole place is classified. Something's goin' on. You go talk to Herrera. I'll look into it. Yes, Allison Blake. She asked for me? Okay. I'm on my way. - Hot enough for you? - Yeah. What's with the umbrellas? He likes to be prepared? Did that just come from inside? That would be yes. You changed your mind about that endorsement? Not really. What is this? This is the end to drought, which we may be needing sooner than later. Welcome to my cloud farm. Cloud farm? Yeah, that's... That's what he said. I'm taking Cloud City to a whole new level with nanotech hydration. Cumulus, stratus, cirrus, I can create 'em all. Like you did with the cloud gag yesterday. Nice, huh? I found a way to hydrogenically infuse the atmosphere so I can sculpt clouds. The commercial applications are limitless. Well, I'm more concerned about your sun stunt. Sun? No, no. I'm a cloud guy. Not that I don't mind the bump in the polling numbers. People love a spectacle. Yeah, but you have to admit the timing was suspicious. Have anyone from Global come and review my record. My life is an open book, Sheriff. I'm beholden to my constituents. Gotta admit, it's a hell of a show. Zane. Just the man I'm lookin' for. Save your breath, Fargo. I already know who I'm voting for. I'm offended. You think I'm only here to get your vote? - You're not? - No. I also want a favor. It is roasting out there. A candidate has to project cool confidence under the most extreme conditions. I hear you're beta testing something that can help with staying cool. - Yeah, I might be. - Give me enough to get through the election and if... when Vincent wins, I'll name a park bench after you. Tempting, but no. I don't do politics. But good luck with that. Based on these sun scans, I'd say your competition's definitely heating up. I was testing the voting machines and I got dizzy. I know you're not an OB. Not really a fan of western medicine. - But I trust you. - Well, I'm flattered. I'm sure you have much bigger issues to deal with. Yes, and I have people to deal with them. So let's put your mind at ease. So Carter says you've always been interested in politics. He said I'm obsessed, didn't he? No. Jack thinks the system is broken. But I think it's up to us to make the system work. Well, this little guy's system is working perfectly. Here. Want to take a look? It's amazing. - What, is something wrong? - I think I figured out why your hormones are so out of whack. You're getting a double dose. Lexi, you're having twins. Both boys. Two sons? Two suns. Why didn't I think of that? - Because it's crazy. - It's brilliant. Lucas, I don't think you appreciate what's at stake here. I mean, the mayor's office oversees City hall. - So? - So... That includes the Sheriff's department. You could be my dad's boss. - And I thought he hated me now. - It's time to step up our game. When the world hands you suns, make sunscreen. Iced mocha, folks. Stays cool as Vincent will be when he takes the oath of office. Suits? It's over 100 degrees out here. Some candidates can handle the heat better than others. Nice gimmick. We're just helping the voters stay refreshed so they can make a cogent decision at the polling booth. We're just trying to protect voters from harmful UV rays so they won't be blinded by indecision. - Iced mocha! Get it while it's cold. - Sunscreen, people. Vote lucas and say no to premature aging. Zoe, I've had a small issue with our class project. Bigger priorities at the moment, Kylie. Here, grab a box. No. I think this is something you're really gonna want to see. This better be good. Okay, Fargo, what's the big emergency? The corruption of the democratic process. Everyone knows Herrera's in Thorne's pocket. And now she's harassing my candidate. Look. - What are you talking about? - It's my wall of fame. Thorne took it. She redacted all the photos of Eureka's founders. She doesn't want the voters to see how connected Vincent is to this town's history. - Why would she do that? - Why? Herrera checked out. There's nothing in his background having to do with solar energy or fusion power. Great. So we got two suns and no suspect. And now apparently no air conditioning. Get anything off Herrera? Other than a creepy politician vibe, no. No, nothing. - What did you find? - Well, I ran some scans. The sun has all the properties of a main sequence dwarf star. The big question is its energy source. Well, I might be able to shed some light on that. I ordered copies of all records having to do with the hidden facility under Tesla. Now, of course, Eva's either had them redacted or they don't exist. But she forgot one thing. Accounting. Oh, somebody messed up their lunch receipt. The DOD keeps track of every penny that they spent. So I thought I'd see where they were spending in 1939. Check out the stuff they were ordering. Deuterium. Tritium. These are heavy hydrogen atoms. Yeah, and the essential elements in building fusion bombs. So Thorne dug up an old bomb testing facility? We gotta get into that room before Thorne does her thermal cleaning thing. To do what exactly? To figure out whether something down there is causing what's up here. Hurry up. It's over here. Kylie, it's a billion degrees out. I don't have time to play house. Excuse me. I'm nine and I'm a junior. I don't play house. Then what are we doing here? Take a look. Kylie, can you remind me what our assignment was? Build a working model of the solar system. Took that a bit literally, did you? How'd you get all the planets to orbit like that? They are not the problem. The sun's a little off. We are so getting an "A". One small issue. I can't make it stop. So we're not getting an "A"? Yeah, not so much. You know what, a controlled fusion reaction like this takes real talent. Well, it wasn't even that hard. Take a gravitron field generator, surround it in a little reactor plasma, heat and serve. Served up kind of a big helping, don't you think? Well, we're a little off on the plasma density. We? Oh no, no, no. See, I didn't do this. And I'm gonna need you to resign from the campaign. We can't afford the scandal. Thanks for the support, partner. Henry, I got a town full of cranky people who need some sleep. You got any ideas? Yeah, make it do what it's supposed to do. It should've started to dissipate by now. Well, it's... It's getting some fuel from somewhere. Chances are it'll burn itself out. But in the meantime, I'm gonna go back to my garage and research just how fast. - Thanks. Let me know what you found. - Can I come? I want to help. I think you helped enough already today, don't you? I tell you what, you can take atmospheric readings, okay? Great. Great. So what convinced you? Oh, Eva had all the old photos removed from Café Diem. Add that to the mass redaction of old GD records... And making Jo shut down the Eureka museum. And having me and Henry dig up this place. They're all windows into Eureka's past. Windows Thorne seems to want shut. Let's find out why. Focus on our constituents. No swag for seniors. We're on a budget. Hey, Kylie, look, about earlier. - You mean when you sold me out? - You made a second sun. - You told me to take the lead. - I was being nice. Like all politicians, you'll say whatever it takes to get what you want. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. The radiogenic detection field reads negative for fusion products. That good or bad? It means we're not being radiated. Rats. That's definitely a good thing, Carter. No, I mean, literally. Rats. - You got somethin' you want to say? - No. Okay, come on. Henry said that the second sun was getting fuel from somewhere. - Is it down here? - Well, if it is, I'm not finding it. Can't believe this place has been under us all these years. It's like a door into Eureka's past. Look at this. That's the door we saw in the security photos. All right, - let's unlock it. - My specialty. So how long do you need? This long. These old school locks are no match for a 20 zettahertz processor. Okay. This is a bit of a letdown. Why order a thermal cleaning of an empty room? Good point. Maybe it wasn't always empty. Can I see the light scanner thingy? One biotelemetric dispersion scanner. Yes. Okay. Coming up. This baby reads patterns of movement left behind by organic materials. All right, let's see who's been in here. Look at that. The dust layer means that these prints are old. But these high heels are definitely new. So are the military boots. Looks like they were moving stuff out. Like what? - Like them. - Oh, my God. - Are those... - Bodies? Carter, hand me the scanner. These bodies were removed in the last 24 hours. We have to find out who they were and what they were doing down here. And why Thorne was trying to hide them. This facility is classified and scheduled for thermal cleaning. Yet here you are violating direct orders. I'd except this kind of insubordination from you, Sheriff. - Thank you. - But from you two... I've always had a bit of trouble with authority. As far as I'm concerned, this just became an active crime scene. Oh, this is out of your jurisdiction, Sheriff. I'd be happy to have the DOD remind you of that. And I'd be happy to tell them why. - You tryin' to bluff me? - No, he's not, because he's leaving. - We all are. - No, actually. - We're not. - Carter, we crossed the line. Let's not make it any worse. - You sure about this? - Sorry. Okay. - I can't believe Allison backed down. - Yeah, me neither. Now Thorne has all the evidence. I wouldn't say all the evidence. I yanked the chip from the dispersion scanner before they took my stuff. We can see images of everything we scanned. Nice. That's definitely not good. Really? Based on my initial data, it should've burned itself out hours ago. That doesn't look like it's burning out. It looks like it's getting hotter. I'm melting. It's midnight and 110 in the shade. - People are getting pretty testy. - Yeah, me included. It reminds me of tornado weather. I have a really bad feeling about this. Well, just keep everybody calm and preferably indoors. Roger that. Kylie is gathering atmospheric data. I should know something soon. All right. Zane's working on it too. And in the meantime, Thorne's wiping out any evidence that connects her to these bodies. - Any idea who they were? - I'm getting conflicting information. How so? From the surveillance photos, their approximate age is somewhere between 35 and 45 when they entered the room in 1939. - All right. With you so far. - The organic residue that you scanned establishes that they also died in 1939. So they were buried there for 70 years? Yeah, here's the really puzzling thing. Common sense says they were around 40 when they died. But based on these readings, their biological age is somewhere around 80. I want someone posted outside that facility at all times. Nobody comes in until after the thermal cleaning. Let's get the bodies ready for transport. Transport? To where? I'm afraid it's classified information, Allison, as is everything in this room. And I'd really appreciate it if you leave now. You said that you considered us to be friends. I do too. So why don't you just tell me who those men are? I know what it looks like from where you stand, but it's not what you think. These were good men who gave their lives for this town. And it could've been prevented. You make it sound as if you knew them. It's time for you to go now. - Why are you doing this? - Because I have to. Dr. Deacon, there's something I think you're really gonna want to see. Well, please tell me you didn't make another sun. No, I've been trying to figure out how to extinguish the first one. - You mean the second one. - Semantics? Really, Sheriff? Could we just... Kylie, what did you find? Well, I've been doing readings all over town and the upper air is saturated with excess hydrogen. - Is that bad? - Well, not by itself. But mixed with Kylie's project, hydrogen could cause a whopping fusion reaction. Well, how whopping are we talking? Well, depending on the source and how much is left, big. Look, I don't know where this hydrogen is coming from, but I promise I didn't do it. That's okay. I have a pretty good idea who did. There's no way my clouds caused this. Well, it's not the clouds themselves. It's what's inside of them. - It's a whole lot of hydrogen, right? - Well, not that much. Maybe 1,000 liters at standard temperature and pressure. Well, you've been outside. It's plenty. How was I supposed to know someone'd be creating a stellar fusion reaction? Hello. You live in Eureka. I guess this means I won't be getting your endorsement. Well, it's... Just stick to the problem. Is this how you deliver the nanos to make your clouds? Yep. A single stage booster that fuels the cold accelerant mixer for better saturation and heat dispersion. - Nice. - We gotta fix this. Can you reverse it? You mean exsanguinate the excess hydrogen from Eureka's lower atmosphere? - Yes. - No. I mean, I can make any shape you want, but once the clouds have seeded, natural hydration processes take over. I say we enjoy the extra sunlight while we can. It'll burn itself out soon enough. You were saying? It should've extinguished itself. But it didn't. That's because Kylie's sun... Ingenious though it is... has evolved from a dwarf star and is developing into a red super giant. - Which means? - Instead of burning out, it's blowing up big time. Not my fault entirely. It's not stopping there. The sun flares are just the beginning. And we only have a few hours before it goes critical. Okay, what are our options? If we can launch a dispersion module, a concentration of iron atoms fired directly into the sun's core - should cause it to implode. - And imploding's a good thing? Yes. Once the sun's incapable of fusion reaction, then, we'll all be safe. What if it doesn't work? We all get front row seats to a supernova way bigger than Hiroshima. And Eureka becomes a mile deep crater. That's too risky. We need to evacuate now. Y... Jo's already started. But this is also the most advanced research complex on the planet and we have an opportunity to save it. And I'm already developing a compound to trigger the implosion. - And I'm working on a delivery system. - Towns can be rebuilt. People can't. Which is why we're evacuating the people while we're trying to save the town. You might be comfortable risking lives, but I'm not. Make sure everybody gets out while there's time. Eva, we have a chance to save decades of research. That wasn't a request. It's like she wants to see the place go up in flames. I think she might. Well, what now? Let's go, people! Move! Move! Shuttles are waiting outside. Let's go! You know what, after the election, we'll have the influence around. - Maybe I can up your pay rate. - Don't make me use the stun gun. You heard her, Fargo. Keep moving. Everybody move. But we're just making sure his constituents are safely away first. How come you two aren't drenched like the rest of us? Oh, a worthy candidate is always cool under pressure, Sheriff. And it's classified. However, I could be convinced to share my secret for, say, your endorsement. This is mine. Both of you on the bus. Go. Go! Everybody move! Keep goin'! Sounds like we're using sunscreen to beat injustice. - Just smile and look pretty. - Zo, what are you doin'? You gotta go. Guys, please. Not yet. Latest election polls only show Lucas down by two points. You wanna score points with the voters or with your girlfriend's old man? No contest, sir. - That'll work. - Vote Lucas! All right, everybody's cleared out. Any luck? - We're locked and loaded, Sheriff. - XRT online and ready. It'll take two people to get the module in position for launch. I can do that. - I can do that on my own. - No. I'll go with you. No. I'll go with you. I know this baby best. Okay. All right. You three get to an evacuation site. - Nice work. - Thanks. - Be careful. - Thanks. Could you keep an eye on Lex and Zoe? Of course. Just come back safely. Thanks. We're at a safe distance from town. We can move everyone quickly if we need to, but with... ten evac camps for 2,600 people. Things are gonna get crowded. How are you feelin'? I just wish someone would do something about the heat. I hear your pain. This town needs a Mayor who can be cool in a crisis. And if I'm elected, I promise I won't sleep until darkness falls again on Eureka. Oh, please. You don't need stale campaign promises. You need ideas that are fresh as baked bread, which by the way, Vincent also provides twice daily. Say no to half-baked science and overbaked bread. - Lucas is your man. - Can't bake his way out of a paper bag. - Like cloud makers... - What is wrong with all of you? Eureka was founded to protect the greater good. You're worried about votes. You should be worried about lives. You cannot be a leader if there is no town to lead. So I suggest you get your priorities straight. That was beautiful. Having fun yet? Driving headlong into a fiery death is everybody's idea of a good time. Sometimes I think it's his. Carter, could we have a minute? Sure. Jo, you're supposed to be miles away at an evac camp by now. I should risk my life more often. I prefer you didn't. Come on, Josefina, don't go all serious on me now. It's too late. - I thought we agreed to evacuate. - We did. What are you still doing here? None of your business. Don't play games. I'm not. I think Zane's device is gonna work. - Probably. - If you don't die first. That is part of the job. And the men in that bunker would know that. Whatever it is you think you know about what you found or about me, it's wrong. Maybe. But I'm just gettin' started. If there's one thing I learned in life is that nobody should be left behind, no matter what the reason. And that includes you. I'm duty bound to enforce this evacuation. Jo, make sure she gets out of town safely. And no, that's not a request. That looks pretty bad. You sure the rocket can handle it? An untested delivery system aimed at an out of control mini sun. What could go wrong? Ready? It's fried. I'll call Allison. Okay, Carter, what's wrong? Zane's module. Electronics are fried. Do you have any spares lying around? GD has plenty of short range booster assemblies. We just need to adapt them to the XRT's specifications. - We'll never make it back in time. - There is another way. Dr. Herrera's hydrogen seeding device. It uses similar boosters to the XRT. But my greenhouse is too close to that sun. And there's no way they'll ever survive the heat. Well, hold on. Maybe there is. - What are you thinking? - Well, like Fargo said earlier. We just need to stay cool under pressure. I've been workin' on this heat protection formula for weeks. - Sure that'll work? - It's a prototype. But it's overengineered to respond to increased body heat and adrenaline. Takin' on a supernova so we should have plenty of both. All you gotta do is slather it on. We should have a good 10, maybe 15 minutes before we combust. Fantastic. That's gettin' worst. - Then why are you slowing' down? - I'm not. You smell burning rubber? Gonna have to run for it. Dude, it's like 2 zillion degrees out there. - Okay, I'm game. - You do anything normal for fun? I play a wicked game of yahtzee. Put that gel on thick if you know what's good for ya. You ready? I feel like a lobster in here. Temp's climbing. If we stay long, we'll boil. Find that rocket. - It might help if I could see anything. - Keep looking! Got it! Got it! Yep! Right! This way. And... set. We only get one shot at this. I don't wanna miss. Using GPS to target? - I was gonna eyeball it. - Oh, stellar. Whatever happens, it's been fun. No, it hasn't. Push the button. Take a look at that. That is quite a sunset. So you managed to pull it off. You sound disappointed. Someone cancelled the thermal cleaning. I wonder who. You may have the backing of the DOD, but these people still work for me. - And you work for me. - Not without an explanation. - Those bodies... - Are my concern. You're asking me to trust you, but you're giving me nothing. Well, I'll give you some advice. History has a way of haunting you no matter how far you run. This is mine and I'm putting it to rest. So you stay out of my way. Listen, whoever wins, it was nice doing battle with you. After all this, I don't even care who wins anymore. - As long as one of us buries that guy. - Amen to that. Hey, partner. Thanks for the save. Fiery death not popular with voters. I caused it. It's the least I could do. My fault too. I got so caught up in everything when I should've been helping you. - This time I'll make it up to you. - This time? Well, we have to make a new model. And someone should make sure I don't destroy the universe. So... Partners? - Glad to see you're okay. - Me too. - Look, about before... - It's cool, Jo. It was a crisis. You were caught up in the moment. No, I wasn't. - Thanks. - You're welcome. Way to go, Sheriff. So how's the... Itchy. Hope that means it's healing well. Listen, what... you and Zane did was a brave... mythic. Maybe selfish. - I'm growing attached to the town. - This town, is fortunate to have you to protect it. - I'm just doin' my job. - And... Thorne? I'm workin' on it. May I have your attention, please? 'scuse me. Everyone, can I have your attention, please? Everyone. Quiet! Thank you. All the ballots are in. It was a very close race. But after a late night surge at the polling booths, our new mayor elect is... Mr. Henry Deacon. Seriously? No, wait. I wasn't even on the ballot. I kinda started a write-in campaign. And someone gave you their official endorsement. You're welcome. I don't know... - What to say. - Say that you'll take the job because Zoe's boyfriend is the runner up. Clearly this is a surprise. I'm not one for making campaign promises. But I will say this. What makes Eureka special is not the ideal behind it, but you. This community. This family that I'm very proud to be a part of. And it's this family that I promise to protect no matter what. Thank you. See. Sometimes the system does work. # As sweet Polly Oliver # # lay musing in bed # # A sudden strange fancy # # came into her head # # Nor father nor mother # # should make me fall through # # I'll list for a soldier # # and follow my love. # They say a storm in Summer clears the air. And that may be so. Sshh, it's only a storm. Storms can't hurt you. Maybe that wind's blowing Pa's ship closer, bringing him home with a pocket full of gold to fetch Ma out of prison. You think of that when you close your eyes. But a real storm can stir the world so about, that even when it has passed, things can't be set back as they were. Can't sleep, might as well work. It's those gargoyles for Reverend Ellison. What? The face you've given it. That's Laura's Phillip! That's... that's your imagination. You know, there's nothing gives a lad a glow than being told he's all wrong for you. Believe me. He IS all wrong for her. Then let her discover it for herself, because if you start laying down the law, you're gonna drive her to a place where she might not find her way back. Episode 8 Transcript: Evarin Synch: Moochie Why in heaven's name did Thomas Brown put it all the way up here? Ah! I have it! I love the penny reading. Sitting in the school after dark, hearing stories read. It's like being a child again. I just hope the new schoolmistress knows the proper way of doing things. Miss Holmes was an excellent woman, but rather too fond of sentimental passages. I'm afraid I need a little grit in my literary diet. Look! It's Sir Tim, before he became a "sir". He read one of Shakespeare's sonnets. I can't imagine that. Go carefully on your rounds, Laura. There may be slates and branches loose after the storm. - Ladies. - A large parcel. - With a Paris postmark? - What's that one? That's the one... Ladies, I must ask... Ladies. I must ask... Ladies! Ladies! That's for the new teacher - at the national school. - New teacher? The last one was such a drab little thing. What could such a person possibly mean by having a parcel delivered? Such a battered...! Ladies, I must ask you... Ladies, this is the property... "Germinal". "Un histoire par Emile Zola. " "There is a spectre haunting Europe," "the spectre... of communism." French romances, horror stories... What kind of person is this to have the charge of young minds? Thomas, I wondered if you could... The damage to the parcel was none of our doing, but you let the contents become public! They were on me before I knew what they were doing. I shall deliver this myself, along with the apologies of the Post office. We shall have to hope... Miss Delafield, chooses not to take this matter any further. If you had set out to earn my displeasure, Thomas Brown, you could not have done a more thorough job. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you... erm... I... I have a parcel for the new teacher. Right. I really should deliver it personally. Post office regulations. Be my guest. I'm James Delafield, the new teacher. But maybe you were expecting somebody more genteel. Actually, I was expecting someone more female. Erm, I'm afraid they've been somewhat... damaged. - on behalf of the Post office... - There's an item missing. A French to English dictionary. Maybe you think somebody of my kind should be seen and not heard trying to master foreign tongues. I'm sure my thoughts are of no interest to someone so satisfied with their own moral superiority. I shall make enquiries as to the whereabouts of your dictionary. That might be wise. What with all those regulations. Good day to you, sir. And to you, madam. You are not missing the first week of school to go and work in the fields. - Why not? - Now sit down. Everyone else will be. The farmer's offering a shilling a day, just to put right the storm damage. When is this boy coming, again? I don't know, Poppet. I don't care what everyone else is doing. - What boy? - Laura's friend. Phillip. It looks nothing like Phillip. It's a gargoyle! What are you going to learn in the fields? Nothing! You want a job with pay and prospects, you need an education. - Now who's laying down the law? - You know I'm right. If the farmer wants to use cheap labour, he can take his own sons out of school. I said no, Edmund. Now come on, you'll be late. - Bye. - Bye. Ethel! Right then, my precious. Annie? Annie! I grew up in the shadow of this tree, Laura. But now it's old and sick. The storm has weakened it. It must be felled. But I wouldn't have lost it for the world. I love every stone of Lark Rise. If I was to go back and find some of it gone, I think it might break my heart a little. And yet the world turns, Laura. The world turns. Thank you. There are some letters to be sent up at the house. I'm sure the footman will see you get them. - Good day, sir. - Yes, and you. - Your Ladyship. - Laura. Not still in the doldrums over your tree? I've had a very pretty notion. We shall cut the timber and our little one shall have a rocking horse made from its stoutest branches. What do you say? Queenie, It's the baby, I've looked... In't she just like the baby Jesus, though? I'nt she just like the baby Jesus? It was in the second post. C'est arrivé! La ligne maternelle. Oh dear, Lady Adelaide, when she came to us she was just a virginal lily, but now she is a rose in full bloom. Laura! We are to make enquiries for a French to English dictionary that should have been in the parcel for the new school teacher, Mr Delafield. MR Delafield? The new schoolmistress is a man? Certainly, he is a man. The most self-satisfied, self-righteous, insufferable specimen I have ever met. In my life! A new schoolmaster. With an overbearing character. And unsuitable books. Well, I must confess, I was expecting rather more of you. The other boys are in the fields clearing up after the storm. It's a shilling a day. But not you? My mother says education is important, sir. Well, your mother's right. Lizzie Arless, sir... Her mother's away and her father's at sea. She's been teased about going to the workhouse. Sometimes he's himself and sometimes he's like a child again. But he would never have hurt her. - He scared me, Queenie. - Yeah. Scared me too, at the start. But now, well, I tell you Emma, he was a kinder, sweeter boy than ever the man he grew into. And sometimes... if I had to choose between Twister without his wits and Twister with em... Yes! Drat the man! We've searched the stores and this place inside out - There's no sign of his dictionary! - It must be somewhere. Indeed, but until it is found, he has the moral victory. But no dictionary. A little comfort, I grant. I cannot abide to be at fault. And to be seen to be at fault by such a one as Mr Delafield... Mr Delafield! We were just speaking of you. - I'm afraid that your dictionary... - No, I've come on another matter. I'm told that you worked very closely with my predecessor, Miss Holmes, on the organisation of the penny reading. I was wondering whether you might not perhaps consider continuing that tradition. Forgive the intrusion. We have so wanted to make your acquaintance. - Those thrilling books! - A man of letters. - Yes, French! - We have been in raptures. Say you'll favour us with some excerpts at the penny reading? Is there anything I can help you with, ladies? Just a courtesy call. A welcome to the bosom of Candleford... Lady Adelaide! - Lady Adelaide. - How very well you are looking. Oh, don't say so! I shall grow fat and foul and no-one shall bear to look at me. Can you believe my foolishness? I have erm, a letter for the physician who is to attend my confinement and I forgot to give it to Laura this morning. The urgency is all in Adelaide's mind, of course. It could easily have waited until tomorrow. Tim would keep me at home wrapped in cotton wool if he could, but as you can see, I am quite well. I suppose you heard our misfortune? A tree on Sir Timothy's estate was weakened in the storm. It has to be felled. A beautiful old oak. I am very sorry to hear that. Perhaps I am not quite as well as I thought after all. I have a headache. I wish to go home. Laura... will you tell Zillah that Mr Delafield and I are going to take tea in the parlour... with Banbury cake? Last night, in the storm, the little 'uns were crying. I went to them, but it weren't me they wanted. When your mum was took, there were plenty of folk saying it was only a matter of time before you ended up in a workhouse. There is no-one saying that now. Stir that. Ask me, you're a natural. Born to raise a family. Ever had any thoughts in that direction? Well, I have sometimes wondered if... one day me and Laura might... But she's got that Phillip now, in't she? Maybe. Or maybe she just needs to be shown there's an alternative. Supposing someone wanted to read something in the penny reading. Something that would really speak to Laura. What would they choose? Her favourite poem's "Ode To A Nightingale", I think. The first line... "My heart aches". - "My heart aches." - Alf... you do know that... Laura will likely be going to the penny reading with Phillip? Maybe so, Mrs Timmins. Or maybe she just needs to know there's an alternative. Oh, come on! What's wrong with a bit of competition? Alf's trying to keep his family out of the workhouse. He's no time for wooing! Besides, he can't read more than his own name, how's he going to do at a penny reading? If he can learn a song, he can learn a poem. He may not have his letters, but he's a better man than you take him for. He's a better man than almost anyone I know! But Laura's got choices what to do with her life. Alf hasn't. We keep this ledger on the counter... And those wanting to take part enter their names and the texts from which they wish to read. It is then your task to arrange the various passages into a pleasing bill of fare. You are staring, Mr Delafield. Do you mind? I think I've offended your housekeeper. Include a murder in the penny reading and you will be forgiven anything. Zillah loves a good, bloody death scene. Unfortunately, your predecessor's tastes ran to the more romantic. And you? Where do your tastes run, Miss Lane? Do you take sugar? You're a great reader. My father was. I never knew MY father. Nor did my mother, which is probably more of the moment. Are you trying to shock me, Mr Delafield? No, I'm being honest with you. I'd not have you think me other than I am. Not if we're to work together. When we met earlier... I thought you were not - could not - be the new teacher. That assumption was based wholly on prejudice and I am very sorry for it. Am I redeemed? only I do like to think well of myself. It's my one weakness. Come, let us start again as friends. Static electricity. The air is charged. Perhaps we should expect another storm. Half a Best, please, friend. - You visiting these parts, are you? - Oh, no, no, no. I'm the new teacher at the National School. First day today. Class was a bit thinner than expected. Well, if you're here to tell them that their sons shouldn't have been kept out of school, then don't. Lark Rise folk don't take kindly to lectures. Well, who does? And who'd blame a man for putting his boy in the fields when there's extra money to be got? Poverty, it's no disgrace. But it's a great inconvenience. My question is this - without an education, how do you ever expect your sons to stand up and fight for more? So, I've a proposal for you. If you'll hear it. An after hours school, here in the Wagon and Horses. You make sure your boys attend, make sure of it. And I'll not report this mass truancy to the school board. What do you say? I say... I say we should buy this man a drink. I don't believe you. That's ridiculous. An evening school? In the Wagon and Horses? Then I can do it! Farm work in the day, school at night. - No. - But... I said no! A couple of hours in the Wagon and Horses might be good enough for boys who are gonna end up on the land, but not for you. What's wrong with the land? Somebody's got to grow the food. I want more for you! - I want better! - What if I don't? You will go to school in the proper way and you will pass your standard four exam, and you will stop arguing! Very well, Mother. I'll stay in school, I'll pass my exams and I'll be the best damn qualified ploughboy in England! I'll make him pay for using language to you, but by Christ, Emma, you deserve it. You tell me I can't have an opinion on Laura's life and then... Don't ever try and tell a man how to live, not under his own roof. Not him and not me. # So early next morning # # she softly arose # # And dressed herself up # # in her dead brother's clothes # # She cut her hair close # # and she stained her face brown # # And went for a soldier # # in fair London town. # Lizzie Arless was very young and what little she knew of the world came from stories, and the ballads Alf sang. And who knows? Perhaps her plan might have worked, had she not been distracted by a display of nautical finery in the window of Pratt's Store. That's a new frock. And? Get out of here! - Go, how dare you steal... - Get off me! Your parents should be ashamed, you little wretch! - Hey, stop it! Stop it! - Don't you ever...! Enough! Enough! You thieving...! Get out of my way! Come on. It's Lizzie, isn't it? Can you walk, do you think? I think you should both come with me. Get off! - Did you mean to take the hat, Lizzie? - It was just a borrow! To be like Polly Oliver in the song. Polly Oliver? You were going to dress as a boy and run away? No! Not run away. It was a sailor's hat that Lizzie took. Her father's at sea. She was going to fetch him, weren't you, Lizzie? So he can get my ma out of prison and we don't have to worry about the workhouse no more. You will not get to school on time walking at Lizzie's pace. Matthew is readying the trap. Mr Delafield? I'm sorry. You're very kind, Miss Lane. I am very practical. And... my name is Dorcas. Alf! I've come to put my name in the book. For the penny reading. - Alf, you can't... - I can't read and that's a fact. But there's always other ways of doing things, Laura. Alternatives. You want to bear that in mind. You have to write what you're reading from as well. Well, I shan't, cos I'm not telling. We wish to bring charges. For criminal damage, battery and assault! Mr Delafield pulled Pearl off the child, and he broke the stick with which she was beating her. That is all. Was he angry? I would say rather upset. Both sisters are calling it an assault. If there was an assault, Mr Delafield was not the perpetrator. I see. Well, thank you. - You've been very clear. - My regards to Lady Adelaide. I'm not sure I'm the person to convey those good wishes at present. Adelaide is angry with me. Or... disappointed, I'm not quite sure which. Well, perhaps I've been negligent. My mind has been elsewhere We felled the tree today It is natural to mourn the loss of an old friend. Perhaps I fear that all it has meant to me has been lost with it. Timothy. I kissed you under that tree so many times. We parted under that tree. Maybe this loss is for the best. We have both lived too long surrounded by... monuments of what might have been. And you are soon to be a father and I... I have a life. Perhaps it's time I started living it. Phillip! You're not wearing it. I can't. - I'm sorry. - I thought you liked it. Rings, they mean something, you know. If I was wearing it people might think... What? That I like you? I do! That I belong to you. Don't be silly! Look. What if I were... to take this... and do this? And now, no-one will know. Except me. - So you didn't strike her? - No. They say the child was stealing. I believe there was a genuine misunderstanding. Lizzie was guilty of foolishness, nothing else. Your account of this incident tallies with that of Miss Lane's. I shan't be taking the matter any further. - And her word's sufficient? - Always. Sir, Sir, come push her higher! Sir, push me higher! Excuse me. Sir, I've won. Goodbye, Mrs Grundy. There are insufficient grounds to proceed with charges of any sort against Mr Delafield. But I am bruised from head to toe! Well, if you would care to present your own person as evidence then... Modesty forbids. In that case, I think it would be best for all concerned if we put this unfortunate incident behind us. He is unfit to have charge of young children! You have no evidence. Sister! It will take more than a death scene to appease her now. You bore witness for me today. It seems your word carries great weight with Sir Timothy. My father's dictionary. I thought you might like to borrow it until yours has been found. You put me in your debt. Again. Well, as to that, I merely told Sir Timothy what I saw. This morning with Lizzie. This... this idea held by some that mistreatment is somehow character building. But in my experience, if a person is brutalised, he breaks or becomes a brute himself. I can't see children beaten. You... steadied me. When I first came here about the penny reading, you didn't want to see me. - What made you change your mind? - A-a whim. And this morning when you told me your name. Why? I wished you to know what my friends call me. Am I your friend then? Are you not? Miss Lane, Dorcas, forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn, but you seem to me to be a woman holding her breath. And I cannot tell if that's because you're waiting for something to end, or for something to begin. Dorcas? Yes. Such a wicked little child and he's so brutal. And so strong. He just wrenched me off and flung me aside! She might have been dashed to pieces for all he cared. He should be prosecuted, but without the... - proper evidence... - I thought Miss Lane had witnessed all? Miss Lane seems only to see as she chooses. They do say love is blind. Love? Miss Lane and the schoolmaster? Well, why not, after all? I hear he's a handsome fellow. And I suppose even spinsters have hearts. As for his being handsome, I really cannot say, but he is a menace to society. Well, I've heard nothing but good about the man! He's got the Lark Rise children fair bursting' with learning, and he's running extra classes in the Wagon and Horses in his own time and without charge! Here is the lace trimming you ordered. I shall collect payment next time I am passing. I bid you all good day. You were right all along, Thomas Brown! About Mr Delafield! The man is stewing in corruption! He is teaching children in a public house! And there's nothing we can do to prevent him from tainting, perhaps forever... the young minds in his care. Nothing, that is, without evidence. If I paid for ten tuppenny stamps with half a guinea, how much change might I then expect? Depends on the post mistress! I don't allow for calling out in class. You have to raise your hand, Mr Twister, like all the other boys. Learnin', learning', learning'. Too much damn learning going on these days! You're entitled to your opinion, but I'd say that an uneducated working man is a gift to those who hang onto their privilege. Whereas an educated working man is a threat to their comfort, is a challenge to their status. I know which I'd rather be. Let's not have this turning political! There was a tankard broken last time. That's cos I missed his head! Each to his own estate, - and leave be! - Right. Here's a question about estate. When Adam delved and Eve span, who was then the gentleman? You site the scriptures, Sir, in defence of revolution! Why not? They're recruited often enough in favour of the other side. The scriptures are the word of God! They are not to be bent to the will of man! I dispute that. You dispute the word of the Almighty? A man's faith, or lack of it, is a matter for his own conscience. I'm saying that if the word of the Almighty seems always to be used in support of one, privileged class, it must be worth asking if someone's putting those words in his mouth. I saw the Sisters Pratt today. They are most disappointed that the feral school teacher is to escape the long arm of the law. There is no evidence against him. So I gathered. Women scorned are nasty, vengeful creatures. In what way are they scorned? By the schoolmaster seeming to prefer Dorcas Lane to them, I imagine. They were suggesting that she had been rather partial in her defence of him. Did you find her so? I found her to be as she always is. Nothing but gossip and idle tittle tattle then. But it does make me think I would like to attend this penny reading. You would be bored to death. On the contrary. I think I shall find it vastly illuminating. The penny reading was not just entertainment. It was a place to be seen. And when the good people of Candleford heard what Mr Delafield had done to Pearl Pratt, the tide of public opinion turned against him. A fact which Dorcas was all too well aware. Ladies and gentlemen, if you would like to take your seats, please. Mr Delafield. How kind of you to save me a place. See? I'm enjoying myself already. Well, I shall tell Alf you're fit to dine with the Queen of England. Now, how about a little honeycomb treat from Queenie's bees? Yes, please. You mind Twister while I go and fetch it. And you mind your language in front of 'em. Do you know any games? Songs? I know a story. About a family that was froze to death. Every last one. Shall I tell ye. Goodbye. Drive on, coachman. God bless you. "And the kind creature retreated into the garden, overcome with emotions." That was Master Edmund Timmins reading from Vanity Fair. Thank you, Edmund. And now in a last minute addition to the programme we have Mr Phillip White, who will be reading from... Game Birds And Their Habits. "It is said that the guinea-hen makes a remarkably poor mother." "For though prolific in her laying," "she is prone to forget or abandon whole clutches of eggs." And that's how they found 'em in the morning. Frozen solid. The little baby still clamped to its mother, her milk turned to ice in her breast. It happened right here, in Lark Rise. Year the old King died. Bitterest winter I've ever known. Colder than the grave, it was. Colder than the grave. She's been gone a while, ain't she? And it's turning chill. Don't you feel it mortal chill? "Thus the provident game-keeper" "must find a foster mother to keep the abandoned eggs warm," "ensuring the survival of the clutch," "good sport for his master's gun" "and plentiful fowl for his table." Thank you. Thank you very much. It wasn't my intention to read to you this evening, but in the light of certain recent events, I've changed my mind. This is from Charles Dickens' oliver Twist. I've always had a certain fondness for Oliver, because like him, I was born in the workhouse. But unlike him, I managed to get away before I was apprenticed to a coffin-maker, as happens in this following passage. 'Ere we are, my lovelies. Twister? Children? "Oh, you little wretch! , screamed Charlotte," "seizing Oliver with her utmost force," "which was about equal to that of a moderately strong man" "in particularly good training." "You ungrateful, murderous, horrid villain!" "and between every syllable, Charlotte gave Oliver a blow with all her might." "Poor Noah! He was all but killed when I come in." "Noah, whose top waistcoat button might have been somewhere on a level" "with the crown of Oliver's head," "rubbed his eyes with the insides of his wrists" "and performed some affecting tears and sniffs." Well, we're gonna have to leave Oliver there, I'm afraid, which is just as well as I don't think any of us like to hear of such a small boy being so ill-treated, however affecting the tears and sniffs of their abuser. And now we'll hear from Mr Alfred Arless who will recite John Keat's Ode To A Nightingale. "My heart aches," "and a drowsy numbness pains my sense, as though of hemlock I have drunk." "or emptied some dull opiate to the drains one minute past..." Please! I need your help. It's the children. They're gone! - Come! Quickly. Bring lanterns! - Don't speak to me! I have it! Have what, Thomas Brown? I have your evidence. Don't worry, they can't have gone far. Alf and I will take the ditches. Mr Paxton, you and the others take the farms and the... Shhhh. You must be frozen to the bone! Come 'ere. Is that my brandy? Nip of spirit to keep out the cold. Are they my curtains? That old winter ain't going to get them. Not with Twister in charge. Too damn clever for it, just too damn clever. Are they in their beds? Alf's scared to shut his eyes... in case they're gone again when he opens them. Laura up to bed? You should go to bed yourself. Annie will be awake soon ready for her feed. I just want Edmund to have more. And I want Laura to have as much. She will! She's got prospects. That is not what I am talking about! You and me, Emma. This! This is what I want for her. Haven't we had enough? Haven't we had so much more than we ever thought? Mr Delafied holds strong opinions. That is not, however, against the law. He preaches atheism, revolution and the overthrow of the natural social order! Well, if I were in his shoes, perhaps I would do the same. I doubt that the other members of the school board will share your tolerance. No, you're right. they won't. And it is precisely for that reason that I would ask you to examine your motives. Do you truly wish for a man to lose his position over an incident which, after all, reflects badly upon everyone involved? Duty is a stern taskmaster. And now that Miss Lane's testimony is thrown into doubt... How is it thrown into doubt? Due to the intimacy of her relationship with Mr Delafield. I will see myself out. Pearl and Ruby Pratt have a dossier detailing certain statements made by Mr Delafield. His religious and political opinions are of a radical bent. And when the school board hears of this, it will cost him his job. He must mount a defence. He will lose. Not only this position, but any hope of gaining a teaching post in the future. They also seek to re-investigate the incident with the Arless child. I don't understand. They suggest that the nature of you relationship with him render you an unreliable witness. They will not be believed, but the public anatomising of your relationship will not help him. I say... I have a friend... in... Manchester. He is founding a school for the children of mill workers and is looking for a teacher. He would take my recommendation. Why do you come to me with this? So that you may do what you think is best. - I must go. - Mr Delafiedl is a good man. I... Well, as you said, I think it is time we both moved on with our lives. I saw Queenie this morning. Says Twister don't remember nothing about it. Well, the children don't look any the worse for it. I'm sorry you had to suffer so. I'm not. If it brought you here. Don't say that! Why not? It's true. You don't know how I feel for you, Laura. I don't want you to feel for me. I can't help it. It's like breathing to me. Well, then you must stop. Stop breathing? - I've a suspicion I'd die. - Don't joke about it! Please. But you came back. I'm your friend. Only that? Only? Alf, I've known you longer than I've known myself. And you being my friend... it's everything to me. Not quite everything, eh? I've got to go. Dorcas! How long have you been standing there? When I sat next to you at the penny reading, I thought to help, to show that you had friends, supporters. But I have done you so much more harm than good! The gossip-mongers say that I bore false witness on your behalf because I... - because of a fondness between us. - They're right about half of that. Tomorrow the Pratt sisters will give me a letter addressed to the school board. It contains statements that you have made. Political statements. It will cost you your job and, if you fight it, your reputation. Now there is another position, teaching the children of factory workers in Manchester. - It's yours if you want it. - By whose agency? Sir Timothy was never one to stand by - while spite carries the day. - Sir Timothy? You don't think I've got the stomach for a fight? I think you have no idea what that fight would mean. The spite of two bitter women. Why should I care? Why should you? ! Our affections do not exist in a vacuum! The censure, the disgust of those around us, however undeserved, will wear the best of us down in the end. So that's why it never happened between you and him, because he was too afraid to marry below his class? - You make it all sound very simple. - It is simple. I'm gonna stay. And I'm gonna fight. But you will lose everything! Your vocation, your passion, - your purpose... - I'd have you! You will wake up one morning and you will no longer recognise yourself. And I would hate myself for it. I can't... I can't presume to understand the nature of the ties that bind you here, but I know that you of all people, you deserve more than this! You deserve more than what's left over! You deserve everything. You've held your breath long enough. Burn this one. I've come to say goodbye. But I can't. I mean, I go because you ask it of me. But I would return for the same reason. - Good day to you. - Good morning. A delivery has arrived for Miss Midwinter. I think she has another admirer. They say a storm in Summer clears the air and leaves the world peaceful. But there are some storms that stir the world so about, that when they have passed, things can never be set back quite as they were. Thank you. How can I help you? Dr. Murphy, report in, please. You've been descending over 30 minutes. Reaching the mouth of the cavern. Sonar will be up in a minute, then we'll see just how far down she goes. Lovely. How deep is my father now? Just about 300 feet, James. I didn't know the Loch went so deep this close to shore. I swear, we ever do get a peek of old Nessie, she'll be wearing a knitted turtleneck. The Loch Ness monster doesn't exist. Sure, well, I guess your dad came back from the US for nothing, didn't he? Here comes the echo trace. Seventy-five meters. One-sixty. Three hundred. Four hundred fifty meters. It's not a cavern. It's a subterranean passageway. Your father's going to have a lot of groundbreaking data to take back to America. Go ahead, Dr. Murphy, we read you. It's... Can you repeat that? I said I found a really big egg. All right. Its vertical length is 14.1 decimeters. Look at this, the outer surface has a columnar structure. Aye, and its pore system is prismatic in morphology. Plesiosauria. Okay. Where's the nearest hospital? We need to x-ray this! Well, you don't seriously think there's a live embryo inside? Well, we won't know until we take a peep, will we? Well, don't just stand there, lads, give us a hand. Dad. Good God. Nessie. Stay still. Nobody move. Easy. Pretty scary for something that doesn't exist, huh, Jimmy? Man your posts, I'm going back in! That might not be such a good idea, Michael. Take this! No! No! James! Dad! Sean? About time. Sean, what on earth are you doing? You're destroying your dining table. - Did you bring the news people? - There are no news people, Sean. You called, you said it was urgent, what's going on? I saw it. It was big, it was beautiful and it's living right here, in our lake. - What is? - The Loch Ness monster. Okay, maybe it's not the Loch Ness monster, but it is definitely a member of the plesiosauroidea family. All right, listen to me. Last time you told me that a UFO lobotomized Carmen's cow. You remember? It turned out that the cow had an ear infection. Well, I didn't say that it was lobotomized. I said it was scanned. All right, what are you doing with this carcass? I'm gonna lure that sucker out into the open and take his picture. That's why I told you to bring the media. Where's your medication? I saw it and I know where it lives and this time I'm gonna prove it. Take your pills. Josh and I are going to help you clean up this weekend. And then you and I are going to have a serious talk about your living conditions, okay? All right, I gotta get back to work. Take care of yourself. That was great! - Did you guys have fun? - Yeah, it was awesome. Hey, Josh. Hi, Zoe. - Nice suit. - Thanks. - How have you been? - Good. - What are you up to? - Wakeboarding. Chilling, you know. Yeah? Cool. - Nice boat. - It's Brody's. - You should come out with us some time. - Yeah, right. Actually, Riley is too busy to play. Aren't you, Riley? Well, you know how it is. Some of us have to actually work for a living. What's that supposed to mean? Maybe if you stopped asking your parents for your weekly allowance, you'd find out. That's very funny, fish boy. Tell me something, ever wonder why you couldn't get a grad date? Brody, don't. Rumor has it, the girls are afraid of getting shot by your mother. Watch yourself, Brody. Or what, mamma's boy? You'll have me arrested? Brody, leave him alone. Or maybe you'll have your crazy uncle and his aliens try to abduct me. Go ahead, hotshot. Take a swing. You're being juvenile. I'm leaving. Hey, just a minute, babe, I'm just gonna buy some bait, okay? Sorry, Josh, all my bait just made a run for it. Smell you later, fish boy. Moron. Today is Nessie day. Sorry, there's no smoking in here. How's the fishing been? Depends what kind of fish you're looking to catch. Trout, bass. The catch is down a little, but most people don't complain. Any accidents reported around the lake lately? Last month a kid got a fishing hook in the eye. That was exciting. Ouch. - You a reporter? - Nope. Cryptozoologist. The study of unknown species. That's cool. Smart kid. No, I just watch a lot of cable TV. What's your name? Josh Riley, bait store manager, boat renter and an avid reader of Science Digest. Well, Josh, I'm gonna need to rent a boat with a guide tomorrow morning. Sure! - How much? - Forty an hour, plus gas. That includes gear and bait. - What's your name, sir? - James Murphy. Nice. - Hey, Neil. - Josh! - How's the bait business? - Hopping. I'm figuring it's time to franchise. You interested? Hell, I retire next year. Why not? Beer money's gonna be in short supply. Where's my mother? Handing out tickets to fish offenders? Actually, she's just getting back from Uncle Sean's. Feet off. - How's he doing? - Oh, frustrating the hell out of me. Have him move in with us. He can have my room. I'll take the den. You know, you could just move him closer to town. - Neil, keep your nose out of this. - Yeah. - How's the bait shop? - Great. Tomorrow I'm getting paid $40 an hour for taking out my boat. Well, that's good news. You hear that, Neil? Sounds like it's the start of tourist season. Great, I'll get my rifle. Come on, Nessie. Come to poppa. Say "cheese"! What the... Nice, Nessie. Got you! Help! Here you go! Heads up! Here they come, man. - Guys. - Hey, babe. This is Caroleena, Brody. - Hey. - Hi. And Chad. So, what brings a beautiful girl like you all the way to a small town like Ashburn? I am here to study English. My mom signed up with a homestay organization, so she's living with us for a couple of months. So, how is island we go to? - It's... - It's very private. - Very serene, very romantic. - Yep. Sounds nice. Well, Mother Nature awaits, ladies, so let's get this show on the road. I'm out of bug spray, I'll be right back. Josh, do you have any insect repellent? - I don't know what you see in that guy. - Hey, you broke up with me. - I thought it was kind of mutual. - I don't want to fight with you again, Josh. I just want some bug spray, okay? It's on the house. Thanks. - Hey, Zo? - Yeah. Oh, nothing. Have a good time. Yeah, thanks. Zoe, forgot your keys. - I'll take those. - No, you won't. Yes, I will. Give me the keys, bait breath! - Look at fish boy, he wants to dance. - Brody, stop it! Brody, stop it! Am I interrupting something? Mr. Murphy. My guide's got some things to load. You mind? No. Let's go. - You okay? - Yeah. Good. We got some lifting to do. About time. - Cigarillo? - Sure. - Thanks, Mr. Murphy. - You can call me James. Okay. Not much scuba diving around here, huh? This water has strong wind-driven currents. It's not ideal for diving. My dad tried renting scuba gear, but it never took off. Cut the engine. See this cave here? Temperature and current indicate this cave is actually a tunnel. Really? Where's it go? That's what I'm going to find out. Out with the tank. As I mentioned, watch the current. It can be pretty strong. Get the flashlight. - Cool, sonar gun, what's that for? - Survey the tunnel. What happened? Fisherman caught some human remains on his line. Karen... The remains... It looks like Sean. - Sean? - I'm sorry. Oh, my God. - Where's the rest of him? - I don't know. This is all we found. The bottom half's completely missing. - Let's get him to the coroner's. - Yes, ma'am. Your sonar went off just before you came up. - Must've picked me up. - Oh. - Find out where the tunnel goes? - Yeah, goes on forever. And it's big, 60 feet wide. See you found some limestone down there. Yeah, explains why this lake is perforated with tunnels and caves. Also looks like magnetite. Ever have compass problems around here? Yeah, Ashburn's known for it. Yeah, some minerals contain magnetic-type qualities. Also, large deposits of magnetite can screw up compasses. Fish that use magnetic fields for navigation can get disorientated. 40 feet? Nothing in this lake is that big. Must be a school of bass. Start the engine, kid. Go. - Starboard, 20 degrees. - Why do you want to chase a school of fish? It's changing direction. Port, 40 degrees. - Damn, she's fast. - She? Port, 30 degrees. - She? - Hold course. Look, what are we chasing? Cut the engine. It's gone? What was that? - Unknown species. - Cool. - What kind of species? - Not sure, unknown. You hungry? Good steering today, Josh. Very skillful. Thanks. - So, you got any plans for college? - Not right now. I love it here. It's beautiful. I don't ever want to leave the lake. Bright kid like you should be in college. How do your folks feel about that? My mom's not too happy about it. She thinks I should be studying now. But if I leave, there's no one to run the bait shop. What about your father? My dad died three years ago in a boating accident. Sorry to hear that. Losing a father is a terrible loss. Painful loss. You lost your father? Yeah, I was 12. Shut up! I hate that dog. Hey, Mom. This guy Mr. Murphy I'm taking around is cool! Did you know there's caves in the lake bed? Josh... What's wrong? Sean. They found him in the water. - Uncle Sean drowned? - Yeah. I'm sorry. How did he drown? You can't repeat this to anyone, okay? Not yet. - What? - He was attacked. We think some sort of predator may have gotten into the lake, but we don't want to scare anyone until we get test results back. Oh, God. Your poor uncle. Hey, wait a minute, Mom. We picked something up on James' sonar. Something big, like a... Sheriff Riley. What? I'm on my way. - I gotta go. - What's wrong? Some sort of an accident at Neil's sister's place. - So, you having fun? - Yeah, is good. Cool. - Cheers. Salud. - Salud. - I got some flares. - Flares? - Yeah, they're kind of like fireworks. - Oh, yes. So, Zoe, how do you like Pike Island? Love it. It's so peaceful and quiet here. Maybe not so quiet. Chad, why don't you take Caroleena for a walk? Show her the rest of the island. That's not such a bad idea. - You wanna go check it out? - That would be nice. Have fun. What could be more romantic than sitting by the fire on a deserted island? With the girl you love. Here, why don't you finish this. It's making me tired. - I'm tired, too. Let's go lie down. - Yeah. - What happened, Neil? - I don't know. I was stopping by on my way home and I found this mess. - Where's your sister? - No sign of her anywhere. Something attacked her at the car. There's blood all over the place. There's her purse. What could have done this? Only one creature I know could do that. Alligator. - An alligator can rip a car door off? - Yeah. I saw it on the news. Down in Florida they got alligators tearing off car bumpers. Don't. Brody, stop it! - What was that noise? - It was probably just the wind. - Maybe it was a bear. - Zoe, there's no bears on this island. - Then what could that noise be? - I don't know, it's probably nothing. - That! What is it? - Okay, I'll go check it out. Chad, what are you doing? You're making a racket out here. Sorry, dude, I just came to get a six-pack and blanket. I should smack you, man. I was copping a feel off Zoe and you freaking woke her up. - She thought you were a bear. - My bad. Listen, I... I gotta go. - Mr. Murphy? You in there? - Who's there? Sheriff Riley, Ashburn County Police. I need to speak with you, sir. My son tells me you two were chasing something in the lake today. Josh didn't tell me his mom was the town sheriff. So, what were you two chasing, Mr. Murphy? Didn't by some remote chance happen to be an alligator? You can call me James. No, it wasn't anything so exotic, maybe a school of bass. - Why do you ask? - You saw Sean? Sean Riley? Not yet. No, I haven't been able to get ahold of him. Unfortunately, he's dead. Gee, I'm sorry to hear that. How did he die? He was possibly killed by something in the lake. Was he bitten? Is that why you think alligator? What business did you have with Sean? - I'm a cryptozoologist. - You study animals? Unknown species. Sean had posted on my website a sighting of a plesiosaur. It's a prehistoric reptile. A prehistoric reptile? You mean like a dinosaur? - Like one of these? - That's right. Mr. Murphy, my brother-in-law wasn't the most reliable source. He was in the early stages of dementia. I'll have to see his remains to help you find out what killed him. Help me find what? A killer dinosaur? Come on, Mr. Murphy. Ashburn may be a small town, but that doesn't make us gullible. I've seen the horrors of what this creature can do, and I can assure you I'm not in the early stages of dementia. Oh, and please find yourself a new guide. Josh was close to his uncle and it doesn't do him any good to hear tall tales about what killed Sean. - Caroleena? - Caroleena? Look, I hate to burst everyone's bubble, but we all saw the blood. There's no way in hell she could have come this far. - Maybe it wasn't her blood. - Of course it was! And if Caroleena did somehow crawl all this way, we would have found a bloody trail by now! Not to mention that if she was hurt, she'd try to get back to the campsite, not away from it. She's here somewhere. I know it! Caroleena? Chad, Caroleena is gone and Zoe is seriously losing it. We gotta get back the police and report this. Just get back, okay. Yeah, man, you're totally right. - Zoe, we're going back to town! - I'm not leaving without Caroleena! What else can we do? Are you guys crazy? We can't just leave her here! - Caroleena! - Zoe, we're going. Get your hands off me! Caroleena, where are you? Caroleena! What the hell was that? Sounded like some kind of wounded animal or something. Dude, I bet you that's what got Caroleena. You guys can stay here if you want. I'm going back to the boat. Last time I listen to one of your bright ideas, Chad. My idea? What the hell are you talking about, man? You're the one who wanted to come all the way out here just so you can pop Zoe! - Shut up, Chad! - Brody, did you really say that? No, he's making up crap 'cause he wants me to take the blame for Caroleena disappearing. - What the hell is that thing? - I don't know! - Hey, over here! - What are you doing? I'm trying to distract it! Do you want to see your friend eaten? Chad, run! Let's go! Let's go! Brody! - Zoe, help me! - Brody! Brody! Brody! Get up. - Hi, James. - Hey, kid. Any other guides around to take me out today? I thought that I was. I had a request from the town sheriff to find another guide. The town sheriff doesn't have authority to make that request. - Sure about that? - Positive. - I got a request of my own, then. - Name it. I noticed you got a police scanner in the shop. I'd like to have it on the boat today. Sorry to hear about your uncle. That's gotta be tough. - Neil, do you copy? - Yeah, Sheriff. Go ahead. I need you to check out something at Bill Maxwell's place. He says some kind of sea creature's washed up on his beach. How could it be a sea creature? Last time I checked, this was a lake. - Do you know where this guy Maxwell lives? - Yeah, it's not far from here. Let's go. Wow, what do you think that is? Just stay with the boat, kid. I'll be right back. It's... It's on the beach, here. I've never seen... Never seen anything like it. I figured it was some kind of giant water snake, you know? Oh, God. Cripes! That smells as bad as it looks. - Let's go! - What's going on? Let's go! Come on, get busy, I've no time to explain, let's go! Maybe it's some kind of sturgeon. Son of a bitch. That guy just stole the head. Hey, get back here! - Say again, they took the what? - The head, they stole the head. Without which I can't tell what the hell this thing is because the body's so rotted. The head's the vital clue to solving this thing. What is that? This, Josh, is the head of a plesiosaur. How could that be? Didn't those things die off millions of years ago? A few of them survived, hiding in uncharted deep waters. When they spawn, they move from ocean to land-locked lakes using underground passageways. The lakes offer greater protection for their eggs. Wow. See, these pores indicate electroreception. - What's electroreception? - Same thing sharks use. They detect electrical stimuli based on muscle contractions of other animals. This one's just a month old. - Poor thing was only a baby? - Well, one less creature for me to hunt. Hunt? You said you were studying them. You never said anything about hunting. Your Uncle Sean reported seeing a plesiosaur much bigger than this one. That's why I'm here. Your little lake that you love so dearly is about to become a feeding ground for a race of carnivorous prehistoric reptiles. Is that what you want, kid? How many of these things are out there? I had thought initially it was just the one adult loose in the lake, but seeing the young ones means there could be a nest, probably somewhere remote on, like, one of the islands. A friend of mine went camping on Pike Island. You think she's in danger? Could be. We need to get back on the water. Don't move, cowboy! - Hey, Mom, what are you doing? - Keep out of this, Josh! - Go inside! - No. Why are you arresting him? - Go inside! - No, he didn't do anything wrong! - Listen to your mom, kid. - Move it, Josh! Care to tell me what the charges are? Obstruction, impeding a police investigation, trespassing, tampering with evidence, disobeying my request to stay away from Josh. - I'm just trying to help you people. - Really? Is that the head you stole? Look, Sheriff, you can call in the science community and let them waste weeks trying to figure out how to stop this crisis while more people die, or you can let me stop the killings. Why would I be foolish enough to trust you over experienced professionals? Because I've been tracking this creature my entire life. No one knows its weaknesses like I do. You're not gonna be able to kill an adult with conventional weapons. Get him in the truck. This just came in. Wildlife's report on Sean's bite marks. It says, "No match with any known genetic sequence. " Have you ever seen anything like this before? Yep. I'm a cryptozoologist, remember? So what's the plan? We're gonna track her with sonar, bait her out into the open with audio. Music soothes the wild beast, huh? Or is this thing some sort of party animal? This audio recording is of the most famous plesiosaur. The Loch Ness monster. Here we go. My father recorded this in '76 on the shores of Loch Ness. All right, then what? You said earlier we couldn't kill it with conventional weapons. I have several types of weaponry. Military-grade, high-intensity sonar gun. Creates super vibrations capable of tissue shearing, seizures and lung explosions when fired underwater in close proximity to its target. Well, what if you're not underwater in close proximity to the target? .338 Magnum hunting rifle. Infrared digital scope. Fires cyanide-tipped cartridges. Cyanide is the only poison that would kill Nessie. But if I can't get a clear head shot, it's only gonna slow her down. Well, what if you can't get a head shot? - Custom-made Soviet EMP gun. - EMP? Electromagnetic pulse. This weapon fires electromagnetic waves just like that you find in a household microwave oven. Oh, so we're not just going to kill the Loch Ness monster, we're going to cook it? EMP waves raise body temperature to a lethal level by heating the water in the creature's cells, thereby killing every cell in its body. If I can hit her with this for 10 seconds, she'll fry. Zoe! Brody! Zoe! Oh, great! Damn it! All right, let's dance! Run, Josh! Run! Josh! Josh, run! Come on! Follow me! Josh, follow me! Up here! Hurry, come on! Hurry! Come on, Zoe. Come on, hurry. Josh! Come on, give me your hand! Come on, Riley. Come on, Riley, let's go. They're going to wait for us. - Not if we remain still. - What the hell are you talking about, Riley? Their vision, it's based on movement. They detect electrical stimuli from the muscle contractions. Don't move, don't talk, control your breathing. They're gone! - You gotta get us off this damn island. - That's more difficult than you think. What? You must have a boat. One of those things pushed it off shore. - I can't believe this! - Keep it down. Keep it down? We're going to die here, Riley! I know a place we can be safe. So what exactly is this thing we're looking for? A 40-foot plesiosaur. It's a carnivore. Bone-crushing jaws, razor-sharp teeth. Eat anything smaller than itself. Uses its long neck to capture its prey, can use its tail in a whip-like motion to stun. - Any other questions, Deputy? - No, I'm good. I'm gonna need a moment to get sonar operational. I can't find Josh. The shop's closed and his boat's gone. He said something about being concerned about a friend camping on Pike Island. Then that's where we'll start. The Loch Ness monster? Microwave guns? Sheriff, this guy doesn't have both oars in the water. There's something dangerous in the lake, and if the freaking Department of Wildlife can't tell us what it is, this guy's all we got. Okay, but if this goes sour, Ashburn's probably going to be looking for a new sheriff. Believe me, I know. - I didn't even know this was here. - It was mined in the '60s. I came here with my dad a couple of times, looking for mineral deposits for my rock collection. - Figures you'd have one of those. - Shut up, Brody. - Freaking leg's bleeding again. - Here, sit down. Here, let me see this. Looks infected. We have to get you to a hospital. As if that's going to happen. What makes you think those creatures aren't going to find us here? If they really do see with electromagnetic imaging, then the mine should be laced with enough magnetite to dampen their senses. If you see one, just don't move. I think I should go back to the beach, see if I can find my boat. It has a flare gun kit. Are you crazy, Riley? I am not leaving here, man. Not with my leg like this. - I'm going alone. - Josh... I'll be fine. You guys are safe here. - Just wait till I get back. - Be careful. Good luck, Riley. I mean it, man. Thanks. - How close are we to this island? - Few more minutes. What is it? - Starboard, 10 degrees. - Let it go. Josh is our priority. Look, Sheriff, this could be the only chance we get to put a stop to this. We could lose her. You better know what the hell you're doing! She's changing direction. Port, 40 degrees. She's close, 40 meters in front of us, 23 meters below. She's fast. Port, 30 degrees. Hold that. Twenty meters, 18 metres. She's coming to the surface. - What are you doing? - Hold course! She's coming up. Port, 10 degrees. - She's coming up? - I said, port, 10 degrees! Look! This monitors her depth. Call it as she surfaces. Sixteen meters! Fourteen meters! Twelve meters! Eight meters! We're almost on top of it! Four meters! Three meters! One meter! What the hell? - Should I get the rifle out? - No! I got her! That damn water's hot! It's gone! We got a flare! It's Pike Island. It's Josh! Josh, are you okay? I'm fine. Zoe and Brody are trapped on the island. You should come take a look at this. Looks like we got company. Hurry, Neil. Josh! Neil! Thank God. Are you okay? She's going deep. Signal's gone. She disappeared in an underwater cave right below us. Zoe and Brody are trapped on the island and there are baby plesiosaurs. - There's more of them? - You've seen the babies? Then there is a nest. That's why she's been attacking. If we don't get those kids out of there right now, they're dead. Riley better get his ass back here soon. - Lf the pansy's even alive. - He's alive. I wouldn't be so sure. - Where are you going? - Away from you. Zoe, come on. Zoe, come on! We gotta stick together! Stupid! Take this, Josh. Gun, please. I'm not going back in there without a gun. If we take care of this predator, we do it as a team. Yes, ma'am. Okay, let's move. Lead the way, Josh. Zoe? Zoe? Zoe. Zoe? - Zoe, what the hell are you... - Quiet. Oh, my God! Oh, my God. Brody. Don't move. Zoe. Brody, don't! Brody! No! No! No! - No! - Brody, no! No! Zoe, no! - How long you been hunting these things? - Since I was a kid. You've got a hell of a hobby, mister. - Looks big for a newborn. - It's about a month old. - That thing's only a month old? - They mature fast. Let's keep moving. This is surreal. Living, breathing dinosaurs in Ashburn. It's her. It's Nessie. How the hell did the big one get back here? That pond must be the top of the subterranean tunnel. There's Zoe. - Oh, my God, is that Brody? - Sure is. Gross. Why can't those things see her? The magnetite in the mine is affecting the plesiosaurs' vision. That's not all it's affecting. I guess we're back to the "useless firearms. " They're not going to do anything to stop Nessie. Pump enough lead in those little ones it might be, though. Then let's get pumping! Hold it, Neil, I don't recall you winning any marksman prizes at the county fair. Let's use your recording to draw them away from her. All right. I'll bait them to the front of the mine shaft. Should be less interference with my equipment there. Neil and I'll start picking them off, you guys go in and get Zoe. This is the magnetite, right? Yep, highly explosive. Then can't we use it to make the big one's senses go crazy just like the compass and your guns? Not bad, kid. Let's get your girlfriend out of harm's way first. - What do you want me to do with this? - Put her down. - All right. You ready, Neil? - Like shooting fish in a barrel. These aren't fish. They're carnivorous prehistoric reptiles. Whatever. Go ahead and flip the switch on that, Neil. It's working. They're coming to you. Copy that. We're ready for them. - Smoke? - How can you smoke now? I've been waiting for this my entire life. She took out my family, now I'm going to take out hers. Hey, turn the audio off and get out of there right now. The mother's following the others right to you. - You hear that? The big one's coming! - Yep. It looks like we're sticking with the plan. Be careful. No heroics. Copy that. No! Don't move a muscle. - Sheriff, thank God! - Come on! Come on! Damn it. Piece of junk. Get out of there! I could definitely take a few days off from the bait shop. You guys okay? So, what are you going to do now, Mr. Cryptozoologist? Hunt for Bigfoot? Nope. Gonna find a nice, quiet little town to settle down in. You mean like Ashburn? Yep. Let's get out of here. Tie him up. The hands are not the issue. The fight is the issue. The battle is the issue. Who imposes the terms of the battle will impose the terms of the peace. You think he has a handicap? No. The other guy has a handicap if he cannot control himself. You control yourself, you control him. Take him to court. A man distracted is a man defeated. That's right. You heard that before, huh? Heard it again. -Take him to court. -Taking him to court. Good. Cut him down. Fight's over. That's it. Fight's over. Finish it here. It's over. Okay. Improve the position. Improve the position. Keep the weight on his head. What next? Watch the slam. Keep your head up. Nice. Nice. You felt that, huh? Good. Keep your back. Keep your back. Let's do it. Okay. Okay. Improve. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Good. Good, you felt that. Good. Okay. Improve the position. Improve the position. Good. Take him to Brazil. Good, good. Arm bar. See that? Excellent. Triangle. Hold. Insist. Insist on it. Insist on the move. Good. Now what? Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Good. Good hit. Okay, breathe. Breathe. Breathe. You know the escape. You know the escape. Breathe. Breathe. There's always an escape. You know the escape. You know the escape. Breathe. -There's always an escape. -I'm passing out. All right. Great class. Great class. Great. Hey, stick around. You don't fight your way clear? I was passing out. There is no situation you cannot escape from. You know the escape. You know the escape. Show it to me. Show it to me. Show me the escape. Good! Good. You know the escape. You just got tired. What's the lesson? -Don't get tired. -Let the other guy get tired. You wanna fight like a black belt, huh? You wanna test for the black belt? -Snowflake, give him his wish. -All right. Raise your hands. Well, your hands. Get them up, up. Administer the fight. Administer the fight. Insist. Insist. You told me this training saved your life. This is how you repay me? Breathe through it. The moves work. Defend the neck. Take the fight out of your face. Well, that's it. Officer down. That makes you mad, huh? Control your emotions. Control your emotions. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. All right, all right. Okay, okay, okay. That's it. That's it. That's it. Good. Hit the showers. Come back in. Good. You okay? -Yeah. He's good. He's good. -Good. Hi, I'm lost. I can't find the fucking pharmacy. What? I don't know. Well, you said I had to find it before 8. All right, thank you. Okay. Hey, hey. Wait, wait! Stop! That's the one. Hi. Hi, yeah, I missed the guy. I'm gonna need your help with some of those things. No, a regular doctor's not gonna fill the prescription. What? Because he's closed. The prescription's not gonna stand up at a straight pharmacy. All right, but I need a-- All right. Okay. Hello? Hi, this is Sondra Terry with Southside Jiu-jitsu. Yeah, I have your invoice number 20903. Yeah, you indicate you did not receive our payment. Okay, but on my record it shows that-- Look, I'm trying to run a business just like you and-- Oh, wait. As all the world knows, tomorrow's Wednesday. So be on Wednesday's schedule. Nine a.m., Beginning Self Defense, 11:15, I'm washing the mats. You're gonna have to train if you want that black belt, Officer Joe. Mike? What, you want the officer to walk you home? It's rough out there. After he gets his black belt he can walk me. -That would make me feel secure. -How? I know his fucking pants aren't gonna fall down. Hey, by the way, weren't you gonna buy a new rig? -I was thinking about it. -Oh, you were thinking about it. I tell you what. Why don't you take some of that good off-duty money and buy a new shoulder rig. Why? A shoulder rig's nothing but a handle. Excuse me. Who's the--? -It's all right. Come in. -Hi. -Mike? -Yeah. I believe I-- -Can you come here? -Take it easy. Yes, thank you. I was driving-- Take off your coat. How can we help you? Look, I hurt your car, okay? Hey, Joe, take the lady's coat. Come on. I'll pay you cash so we can just-- No! Stay away from me! -Miss. -Don't touch me! Don't touch me! I'm a police officer! The wind blew something in through the window. -The wind blew something in? -Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Y'all okay? Yeah. We're fine. You want me to start the cleanup? Yeah, thanks, Snowflake. What am I gonna say, "She tried to kill a police officer"? You sure? I'm sure. It's okay. It's okay. -I'm an attorney. I can't-- -The officer thinks it didn't happen. I'm sorry, I don't.... He thinks it didn't happen. You were going to the mountains. No, that's funny. Joe? Joe still inside? -No. He just left. -Left? Yeah. Maybe he went to the club. -What happened to the window? -Isn't he on at the club? That's funny. Weren't you going to the mountains? -Why would he go to the club? -Isn't he working tonight? The club? No, no, no. He hasn't worked at the club in months. Listen, I have to tell him something. Okay? Tell him. -Why? -Why what? Why hasn't he been working there? Yeah, no. Listen, I gotta get home. Officer Joe let the girl walk. Yeah. I suppose he did. That was generous of him. Yeah, I think so. Why did he do that? He didn't wanna bring dishonor on the academy. -Yes, of course. -I need a black belt for him. He didn't want to bring dishonor on the academy. Yes. Thank you. The car? The car? The girl drove into your car. I didn't look at that. They want cash to get the window boarded up. Do you have any cash? And on your business for which you have no cash, we need to replace the window. Your check bounced. My check? To the martial arts supply. Mike, we're short. You have no cash. If we pay the window, I can't make the rent. Hello? You need to ask Ricardo for a loan. Mike. You go ask him for a loan. Hey, Mike. Hey, Billy. Jimmy, you can't smoke in here. -We got Mike Terry down here. -Fucking world turning into a dungeon. He's sorry. He's busy. Five minutes. Ricardo said that? Bruno. Ricardo's out. Put the cigarette out. -Fine. I'll take a beer. -You ain't got no bouncer? -Just weekends now. -Officer Joe? Billy. Billy, I'll roll you for this drink. I hardly think so. Joey the cop? -Yeah. -Quit. Come on. I'll roll you for this drink. Here, you check out this die. -So where you been, the cruise ships? -He works the cruise ships. -Why'd Joe quit? -Yeah, hold on a second. Check this out. You ever seen that? I'm fucking fantastic. Somebody buy me this fucking drink. -Officer Joe. Why'd he quit? -What? Why'd Joe quit? Because Bruno wasn't paying him. They never paid him. They never paid him? Coming from that Brazilian jujitsu background I spent time with Silva years ago before he moved into MMA and he'd showed me his secret technique his grandfather showed him. We've been doing that since I was 12 in high school wrestling.... We have a deal or we don't have a deal? He's gonna have his hands full with Morisaki, but it's gonna be great. I don't know why everybody is not coming to this fight. The main event for the IFA-- We got a deal. What good's a deal if nobody's making any money? Ricardo won't do it. What, he's too pure? What, it's not elegant? That elegant life he lives? How long's that gonna last? Answer me that. Morisaki's gonna do it? This bullshit? Morisaki's a whore. He's gonna do whatever the fuck I tell his people. If he did this, he'll do anything. "The gold and ivory-studded belt is worth one-quarter of a million dollars. It was presented to Taketa Morisaki by the Emperor of Japan." Is he on the level? The belt's a fucking national treasure. It's worth a quarter of a mil. He's going to give it to Ricardo if he loses? It's publicity. It's publicity. It's something to tell the papers. It's a story. "I am a samurai, should this gaijin defeat me I will surrender my fucking belt." And will he? Look, we're not selling tickets. Sell the tickets, sell the show and we'll figure that out on the way to the bank. The point is you've got to sell the show. Ricardo's the biggest in Brazil. Read the street signs, we're in America. Morisaki's doing his part, you've gotta do yours. Ricardo's gotta do his. Where the fuck is he? Pay-per-view is pulling back on the promotion. We need a gimmick. One more time. Ricardo brings the old man up from Brazil. He fights for the honor of his mentor. Morisaki brings the belt. He fights for the emperor. What do you got? A grudge match. It's back to the '30s, black against white, Irish against Jew. A racial grudge match. Get me some velocity. Velocity. Or else it's just two monkeys in the ring. We'll speak English here in front of my friend. Marty, this is my brother-in-law. Mike Terry. Could I have a word with you? I'm trying to do business, Mike. What do you want? I gotta talk to you about money. -Money? -Yeah. You want money? Tell you what. Fight on the undercard. I'll put you on the undercard. Round robin, winner takes home 50 grand. You got a good chance to take home the money. Fight on the undercard. Joe Collins, the cop. -Joe Collins, the cop? -Yeah. Your bouncer. -He worked here several months-- -All right. All right, all right, I got it. Did you ever pay him? -Did I pay him? -Yeah. -What the fuck do you care? -Did you pay him? No, I heard you. What business is it of yours? The guy's got a family. What the fuck are you saying? This guy's got a family and I owe him some money and what? -Is this business of yours? -Did you pay him? I told him, as I recall, he would have to wait for his money. He got hot-headed and quit. Yeah. This is Bruno Silva. Put him on. Chet Frank just walked into the bar without his wife. Without his bodyguard. No. No. Get a news crew outside and-- Who did they get the tip from? Some cabby driving by, the fuck do I care? Chet Frank just walked into my bar. Would you call the newspapers? Thank you. Thank you for stopping by. How's my sister? -I'll have a caipirinha. -I'll have another one too. -I'll take care of the lady's drink. -How you doing? -Everything's a fucking struggle. -Take the high ground, huh, Chet? -Yeah, right. -The lady thanks you. Anything for beauty. Nobody's tough when it comes to beauty, huh? Indeed. Indeed. My pleasure. Excuse me. I'd like to buy that. She's a friend of mine. I admire your taste. What? I'm sorry, what did you say? I said, I admire your taste. I heard what you said. I don't know what it means. -All right. -What does it mean? Whatever you want it to mean. I've had a tough day. And what the fuck is that to me? Fucking tough guy in the movies. -Look-- -Where's your protection, tough guy? I didn't know you knew her. You insulted me, then you insulted the young woman. And don't you have a wife? Didn't I actually read that you have a wife? I didn't come to fight. I came for a drink. Well, maybe you came to the wrong place. You know what? Just calm down. I'm calm. You fucking calm down. -I have some ideas. -No, I don't think you do. Oh, I don't? I just wanna have a drink. How do you like that, man? Come on! Take that. All right! Make a lane. Hey, baby, you can hear me. You can hear me. -I'm all right. -Ambulance? He's got a guy or something? I'm sure they made the call. Hey, pal. Why'd you come out alone, huh? You looking for trouble? He's okay. He's all right. They banished the professor down here, huh? Here you go. -I thought Joey was on the door. -Nope. -Hey, Mike. -Hey, Lenny. What the fuck happened? I don't know. Some kind of bar fight. Show it to me. What are we talking about here? Couple of bad boys jumped on a movie star. How about that? Loomis has them out at the ambulance. What happened to them? Did they fall down? Something like that, I think. Our friend here is all by himself. Jesus Christ. You got the tape. I never threw a punch. I'm a stone-cold victim. What happened to the other guys? How would I know? What about you? Nobody knows who I am. You didn't get the loan. Ricardo wasn't there. Did you ask Bruno for it? You didn't ask for it. Are you afraid of money? You tell me how we can run your academy without money. You tell me that so I can do it and not disturb you in your purity. How am I gonna run my business? All the time you need me all the time, all of my money's going to yours. There are some things I don't understand. My father made money. My brothers make money. And you are somehow too pure. You're too pure to compete. -It-- -It weakens the fighter. -That's right. -Because a competition is not a fight. That's correct. And what about the fighter's family, Mike? What do they eat while he's being so pure? I have to take money from my business which is making money. You replace the window, you can't pay your rent. The insurance will replace the window. You want to turn your friend in? Your precious friend? -Yeah. -Your prize student? The policeman? The girl tried to kill him, and he let her go. The girl, he'd turned her in the cops would have said it was attempted murder. And wasn't it? -It was an accidental discharge. -Was it? She's disturbed, all right? The girl was disturbed. And now what? You're her doctor? She walks into your academy, you take responsibility for her crime? They would prosecuted her. She would go to jail. It would have ruined her life. So, yes, he gave her a pass. And you think it was noble. The code of the warrior. -You think it's noble. -No. I think it's correct. Well, that's fine. Except, as we report the wind blew in the window it was an act of God, and not covered under our specific policy. And so until we find the money we have to live with the window boarded up. And you tell me how that brings money into your business. Hello. Hi, Nikki. Yeah. No, I can't order the new fabric now. No, I can't. I can't. Of course I'm going to reorder. Okay. Nikki, I'll see you in 10 minutes. Okay? Okay. Bye. Now I have to fix the window. Where I'm getting the cash to buy the fabric for my business without which we cannot eat? One moment. Where did you get that cut? Thank you. It's for you. What is it? It's an invitation. -Who is it from? -From Chet Frank. -Chet Frank? -Yeah. We're invited to his house for dinner tonight. -To Chet Frank's house? -That's right. Really? Where's Joe? Mike, tell him, what's the best weapon? -Best weapon is a flashlight. -Tell him why. So you can look deep in the other guy's eyes. They had a dustup at the São Paulo last night. Is that right? -Two ran into a Cuisinart. -Can't believe everything. Lenny and Loomis saw the tape. Said it was better than Titanic. We gonna ride, or you still getting pretty? -I'll be right out. -Wished I was there, Mike. Yeah. I wish I was there too. Hey, Mike. You come down because of that thing? Thing? What thing? I got something for you. -No. -Yeah. -I don't deserve it. -It's overdue. Belt is just symbolic. The belt, as Snowflake says, is just to keep your pants up. Thank you. What thing? -What? -You said, am I here about the thing? The thing with the girl that never happened. -Thank you. -You're welcome. Open it later. What is it? Well, apparently, it's a wristwatch. Yours? Whose is it? It's yours. I set you up with a job with my people who apparently stiffed you. Yeah. You went to the club. Why didn't you tell me they weren't paying? You know, I.... Well, they paid you now. That thing, take it and pawn it and take your wife to the mountains. What does the black belt mean? That I represent the academy. Then respect your teacher. Hey. What's going on? Who ordered this? Who's paying for this? Mr. Terry, I am heartily ashamed of what I did. I'm so sorry. I will, of course, make it well. This is a check for the damage to your car. I would like to contact the officer to thank him for what he did. I don't know what you're talking about. Mr. Terry, I'm an attorney. I know what the officer did. Out of courtesy, he refrained from actions that might have sent me to jail or to an institution. -Hey, baby. -Hey, Richard. Who do you like in the Morisaki fight? One of them's gonna win. -Little word from a little bird? -Yeah. I don't play that. -If you did, who would you like? -I can't help you. You sure? You help me, I'm gonna help you. A word to the wise on this fight is sufficient to put money in your pocket. Who does it hurt? I can't help you, Richard. You know as much as me. I know as much as you. Mr. Terry.... As you can see I have a problem. I have something of a problem. Is there some way that I can help you? You work with the police. I've trained the police. And what do all the belts mean? The white belt is someone who walks in off the street. Black belt is someone the teacher recognizes as fit to instruct. In between we have blue, purple and brown. What do you have to do to get a red belt? There's only one. All right. I'm not going to touch you. But if you were to hold me, could I strike you? If you put your arms around me and held me? Could I strike you? With your knees. If you turned your body slightly and grasped me could I strike you? From there? -No. -What? No. Could I strike you now? No. Where can I strike you? Don't stand there. An enrollment form. Should you wish to continue your instruction. Yeah. I'm looking at scene 87-C. I got it. Well, enough is as good as a feast. Let's take a walk. Come on. Excuse me, but I have to ask you, where did you get your dress? -I made it. -Oh, she made it. Do you cook too? -But where did you get the fabric? -The fabric. I made that too. You made that? Yeah. Since I was a kid in Rio. You made the fabric? Yeah. I have a company in Brazil. No. I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. Come and sit down. Lucy and I just wrote a book about fabrics. -Really? -Yes. We have a company. She has her degree in it, in textiles. I love this fabric. I have some people, my family's people, in Brazil and they are the ones that-- -I love this fabric. -Really? -Yes. -I would love, if you guys want I can show you more. I have tons of colors. So, what is jujitsu? You use one fighter's strength against him? Yes, in a way. You let him use his strength and you use your understanding. So it's a form of wrestling. Yeah. Like we see in the mixed martial arts competitions. Yeah, that's right. -You compete? -No. Because? Competition is weakening. Because it's fixed. Two guys in a ring, people betting money. It may be fixed. Any one fight may be fixed. -But you train people to fight. -No. I train people to prevail. In the street, in the alley, in combat. The bodyguard, the cop, the soldier. There's one rule: Put the other guy down. You have to train in order to do that. Any staged contest must have rules. Everything has rules. The problem is sticking to them. Your wife. She's a beautiful woman. Yes, she is. Booze. Women. What in this life doesn't get you in trouble? Turn to the side. Everything has a force. Embrace it or deflect it. Why oppose it? How you doing? You healing up? -I'm good. -Well, you're young. So there's the neckline, the waistline... -...and the hemline. Right? -Right. So if you bring the hemline down in this direction... -...it gives a better rhythm. Right? -Yeah. Yeah. And if your repeat on the fabric is 1 foot, let's say. Repeat of 1 foot? It's too costly. That's what I'm saying. Not from my people in Brazil. You can get this fabric? Absolutely. I make the fabric and have it to you in a week. -Zee. -Yeah? He's got to be on the set in five hours. Zena, let's let these nice people go home. Sure, honey. -Thanks, pal. -You're welcome. Take care of that thing for tomorrow morning. You bet, Chet. Movies. We get up early in the morning like the military. You in the military? Yes, I was. I've never seen Chet socialize on a school night. The guy saved his life. -Zena? -Oh, thank you. Tomorrow. I want to see you tomorrow. Those are all my numbers right there. Mike. -Mike, tell them the story. -No. They want to go to bed. Come on, baby. Tell them the story. -The fighters before a fight. -Three marbles. Each fighter has a two-in-three odds of choosing the white marble. White marble's a pass. White marble's a pass. What if he picks the black? -Black marble is a handicap. -What does that mean, "a handicap"? -You lose the use of an arm, or-- -Because? You never know when you may be disabled. Thank you for a beautiful evening. Thank you for having us to your lovely home. A fighter gets a handicap. Do they do that in competitions? -No. -Well, they should. A lot of money in that. It'd be like a reality show. Chet wants you to come down to the set. Can you do that? Yeah. Okay. Mike. Over here. Yeah, well, hold up. Chet's a little bit late. He's a little bit late. What do we need to make you comfortable? -Abby? -Yes, Jerry? Get him a script. Put him in a trailer if he wants. Chet's running late. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Abby. Abby. Yeah, they want all the scenes up in costumes on set right now. Will you pay attention? Will you pay attention? Come on, what are you gonna do, stab me with your purse? Come on! No, no, no. This is bullshit! You gotta stab me with the fucking thing. -I'm trying, George. -Well, try harder! Let's go! Come on. Come on, stick me. Come on. Come on. You gotta make it real. You gotta make it real. You listening to me or am I talking to a fucking wall? Make it look real. You've gotta make it look real. Chet ain't gonna look real if you don't make it look real. Anybody can do this fucking move. -You. -Me? Yeah, you. I'm gonna show him how to do the fucking move. Come. Take the knife. Ain't gonna hurt you. It's rubber. Mike, what the fuck are you doing here? I don't know. Jerry Weiss. -You coming on the show? -No. He just got all wannabe. -He ask if you were in the military? -Yeah. -You tell him what you did? -No. He didn't ask. You take the fucking knife. He's Chet. I'm you. You take the fucking knife and-- Well, what we have here is a wise guy. How the fuck are you? I'm good. I don't wanna take up any of your time. No, they're shooting something else. They're always something else to shoot. Step in my office. What are we shooting today? "Meet me, 0-dark 30, AOC." I never served. I know I didn't miss anything. But what are you gonna say? But how would I know? Fucking guy who lucked out. -Here you go, Chet. -Thanks, doll. Yeah, I'm just a fucking guy who lucked out. I drink too much. I fool around. You know how hard it is for a man to step out? A famous man? And who can you trust? What were you doing in the bar? -I went in to get a drink. -Why didn't you bring your protection? I wanted to get into a fight. -Why didn't you fight him, then? -I wanted a beating. -What, are you a psychiatrist? -No, I'm a fighter. If that ain't strong enough, you tell me. Thanks, babe. What are we shooting today? Gulf War flashback. That's right. lt's not my department but what are these numbers doing on my boot? If the guy had been in combat, they'd be worn off. The sizes would be worn off, right? -It's not the sizes. -No? Guys in the desert, they'd ink their number in the platoon on their boots. That way, if their legs got blown off or their bodies got blown apart somebody in their platoon would know who it was. "0-dark 30. AOC." -What does AOC mean? -"Ass on curb." "Ass on curb." That's good. Is that something a guy would say? He might. lt's old army. World War II. Maybe the guy learned it from the guy. It's good. Yeah? Are you free tonight? You, me and Jerry. I wanna meet over at Fiori's after we wrap. I wanna make you a co-producer on this film. Yeah, hey. This is Mike Terry. Yeah, George Koriani asked me to send him some materials. Yeah. I found it. Do you want me to fax it to you? Okay. I'm gonna fax it. I'm gonna have dinner with Jerry and Chet tonight. Yeah, okay. Okay. They wanna put it in the movie. Put what in the movie? It's Desert Storm. It's a bunch of combat. George is doing this. George is doing the stunts. -George is doing the stunts? -Yeah. Then why do they want you for? They want me to be a producer. What does that mean? To begin with, they wanna use my training idea. Gulf War. They're training for hand-to-hand. The captain in the film, he's training the guys using my training method. Sondra Terry. Lucy, hi. Yes. Yes. I'll be right out. Yeah, yeah, I'm bringing the sample. Okay, bye. -Sorry, babe. You were saying? -They want me to be a producer. I'm gonna head out to the set, and then I'm gonna go to dinner with-- What? What? Who's gonna take the beginners class? Baby. Let the wheel come around. Just let it come around. Sometimes you can just let the wheel come around. I can't just cancel the class. What message does that send? Baby, you made Joe a black belt. Right? And so he's qualified to uphold the honor of the academy. Let him teach the class. Okay? Okay? Let him teach the class. Okay. Let the wheel come around. Good for you. Good for you. I gotta go. See you later, okay? They're gonna take me in their company. Yeah, this is Mike Terry. Yeah, did you get the fax I just sent you? Okay, good. I'm gonna go through the whole script here. Yeah. It's all about authenticity. Am I supposed to meditate? No. Just sit for a moment. All right. I don't understand. The first step is the hardest. And what is the first step? To leave the outside outside. I think I've come to the wrong place. I'm so sorry. Conquer your fear, and you'll conquer your opponent. Yes. Mr. Terry a man raped me. He held a knife to my throat, a man twice my size. And then he raped me. He held a knife to your throat? Yes. Look, I appreciate what you've done, it's just that I don't think there's anything I could learn here that would really-- There's no situation that you cannot escape from. There is no situation that you cannot turn to your advantage. A man was gonna cut my throat. Like this? Don't move. There's a knife there. There's a knife there. Grab my arm. Drag it toward me. Toward me. Good. Now, move to the right. Move to the right and behind me. Move to the right and behind me. Good. Now stab me with the knife. Good. Stab me with the knife. Good. Stab me with the knife. Stab me with the knife. Let's hear it. Let it out. Let it out. Let it out. It's all right. There's no one here but the fighters. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, this is Mike Terry. Yeah, I'll put that stuff together for you. Yeah. It is good. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm working on the script now. Yeah. Okay. No, thank you. Hey, Joe. Thanks for coming in. I want you take the evening class. White belts. Hip escape, escape the mount, pass the guard, arm bar. -What time you going on-shift? -I've been suspended. -The wristwatch was hot. -The wristwatch? The gold watch the guy gave you, you gave me. I pawned it. It was hot. It was hot? -Two-dollar pistol. -You pawned it? I did. The pawnshop called it in. The captain wants to know what I'm doing with a hot $20,000 watch. -What'd you tell him? -I told him.... I told him I gotta tell him tomorrow. He suspended me. Tell him where you got the watch? I didn't wanna hurt the academy. I couldn't tell him you gave me a hot watch. Well, no. Let me clean it up. It's easy. -It's easy. -It's easy? Yeah, these guys, these guys I'm sure. The guy gave me the watch. He got stiffed. It's easy. I'm sure he'd wanna know. Take the class. Sweat it out. Sweat it out. It's okay, Joe. It's easy. Sorry I'm late. Chet might be shooting till dawn. He wraps early, he'll come down. He sends his regrets. Here's what he wanted to talk to you about. And you should get a lawyer he wants to make an arrangement with you. He's got some big ideas, some of them might even be mine. Here's one of them. This could be money. Luccha, Luccha. What would you like to drink? Pinot. -No. I'm good. -You don't drink? -I used to. -You don't anymore? Jerry there's a problem. And I need you to help me work it out. Of course. It's difficult for me to say. Best way I know? Spit it out. Chet gave me a lavish gift. -A lavish gift. -All right. There was a money issue and I asked a friend to pawn it. -Pawn it? -Yeah. I'm sorry. -Chet sent you a wristwatch. -Yeah. And you pawned it. Hey, look, look, he gave it to you. It yours to do with as you want. -Jerry, how you doing? -Hey, Billy. -How you doing.? -You got a minute? -I'll catch up with you. -I got something Chet would like. I'll come right over. -I was going to call you about it. -Okay. Somebody pawned the watch Chet gave you. And he was told the watch was stolen. -Stolen? -Yeah. Son of a bitch. Some motherfucker sold.... Someone sold Chet Frank a hot watch. Goddamn it. I can't use a cell phone in here. I'm gonna to use the phone. I'm gonna clean this up right now. But she gave me this number. She. Mrs. Frank gave me this number. I called the other number and it's out of service. It's out of service. Thanks. Their numbers are all out of service. How come it's out of service if they gave me yesterday? -Who? -Zena Frank. I had a meeting with Jerry. They've changed the number. I've ordered $30,000 worth of fabric. I placed an order to Brazil for $30,000 worth of fabric. Lucy Weiss, please. She's on vacation. She won't take my call. I had a meeting with Jerry. -What did you do to screw this up? -You placed an order to Brazil. What did you do? You placed an order for $30,000. -Yes. -Why? Zena told me it was a done deal. They were gonna use my fabric in their shop. -Where did you get the credit? -What? -Where did you get $30,000 credit? -I paid cash. -What? -I paid cash. Are you deaf? Do you know what's happening to my life? Where did you get the cash? I took out a personal loan for two weeks. I was gonna get the fabric. We-- I was gonna be part of their company. You took out a personal loan for $30,000 for two weeks? -From whom? -It was a done deal. Now it's not a done deal. I wasn't even gonna need it for two weeks. They told me they would write me-- Who gave you the loan? Who gave you the loan? Richard gave me the loan. You borrowed $30,000 from a loan shark? Are you crazy? She spent it. She spent it. She spent the 30 grand I gave her. That's right. She said she wanted the money for two weeks. She spent the-- What the fuck am I gonna do? What can you give me? How soon could you get it to me? Richie, if you could carry me. The money ain't mine, Mike. The money ain't mine. I gave it out on my word. I owe that money to my guys. You understand? It ain't mine. Now, what do you own that you could turn to cash? What do you got that you could liquidate, huh? Something for you? It is an Asian samurai training technique going back to the 17th century. Every fighter in the tournament, each match, each fighter will pick a marble. Should he pick a white marble, he'll be given a pass. Should he pick a black marble, he'll be given a handicap. For the fighters on the undercard, each one could get a handicap? That's right. The samurai say that this approximates-- What do you got that's worth money? --where one can never tell if they might become disabled. So there you have the undercard. In the main event we have bad blood evidently between Morisaki and your brother Ricardo. This is where that school... - Shut up, Sara. The Halloween School Bus Massacre. - Just don't call it that. - What's she talking about? It's this awesome town legend. There was this bus... Jesus, will you shut up and let me tell the damn story? You said a bad word. It happened 30 years ago on a late Halloween afternoon. A school bus was on its usual route. But this wasn't your typical school bus and they weren't your typical kids. There were eight of them and they were different. Troubled. Disturbed. Every day, parents put their dirty secrets on this bus to be driven to a school miles outside of town. 3260. 3264. 3266. But that day the driver took a different route. Wrong way. Wrong way. Wrong way. And instead of taking the students home he drove the bus to an abandoned rock quarry. This rock quarry. The kids didn't know that over the years, their parents had become exhausted embarrassed. And they were willing to do anything to ease their burden. So one day, the parents approached the bus driver and made him an offer. Shh. With the money they collected together, they asked him to do the unthinkable. It almost worked perfectly. Wrong way. Wrong way. Home. Home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. Home. Home. Home. Home! Go home! Home. The driver was never heard from again. As for the bus, some say it sank so deep that it couldn't be found. Others say the town just didn't want it to be found. For all we know, it's still down there and so are those kids. You are so full of shit. Really? Then I guess you won't mind being first. First what? Eight victims, eight jack-o'- lanterns each one representing a lost soul. So we're going to leave them by the side of the lake as an offering to those who died. Is that one of yours? Yes. It's very pretty. Thank you. It can only hold three safely. I'll send the keys back up. You guys bring the rest. Uh... Okay. I can't do this. If you put me in a box it makes me feel like you're not proud of me. If you're not proud of me... - Hello? - Who's your favorite big sister? You there? Yeah. Hi. So there's a guy here who really wants to meet you. Is he young? Cute? Uh... Yeah. Yeah, no, you could say that. He's really, really nice. So he's hideous. Just get your ass over here. Beggars can't be choosers. Nice. Great. Not now, Andrew. - Josh. - Whatever. Werewolves. Very funny. That bus is around here somewhere. I think it's over here. Over where? I can't see shit in this fog. Think I found a dead retard. That's me, asshole. Like I said. Both of you shut up and keep looking. There's something moving by that rock. I can't see. Jesus, what is that? Help me! Sara! Where's Sara? Run! There's nowhere to go. Up! I wanna go back up! Macy? Schrader? Sara? Aren't you coming? Okay, stay here. Don't let the candles go out and they'll protect you, okay? Oh, shit. Is she dead? Hey. Rhonda. Rhonda. It was all going so well. - You're all dead! - Rhonda, calm down. It was all just a trick. Look, none of this is real. It was just a trick. - A bad joke. - I'd say it was a pretty good one. Shut up. Here, let me see. Does it hurt? - Go pack everything up. We're leaving. - Says who? Macy, she's scared out of her mind. What else do you want? Let's go. This one's still lit. If this was all a trick, then how did the school bus get here? - That part's true. - What happened to the bus driver? I don't know, Chip. - What? - I didn't say anything. - I'm not in the mood. - It wasn't me. What is that? - Schrader! - Not again. - Over here! - Wait here. Help us! Schrader! - Schrader! - What the hell? We have to go. We have to get out of here. - Calm down. - We have to go! - Look, Macy... - Listen to me! We heard voices. There are other people here. What is that? Help me! Help me! No. Run. Rhonda, open the gate. - Let us in, please! - Open the gate! Open the gate, please. Come on. Open the gate. - No! Rhonda, look at me. - What are you doing? It's not a trick, it's real. Come back! Where is she going? Rhonda! - No, no! - It's not a trick! Help me, please! I'm not in the mood, so just come on out. Oh, my God. She's so funny. No, thanks. She's a big girl. She can take care of herself. I wish that were true. Mom always said she was the runt of the litter. My, my what big eyes you have. So where's this guy you're setting her up with? The nice one? Laurie. Oh, my God. Please, help me. There she is. Laurie, what's going on? You're late. Sorry. It took longer than I thought. What did he do to you? I listened to their advice and played hard to get. He bit me. Well, at least you made it. Drink? Sure. Come here. - Please. - Say "ah." Not bad. What's your name, honey? Steven. - Steven? - Steven Wilkins. I'm glad you're her first, I really am. I like you. Who are you people? I'm nervous. Hey. You're gonna be fine. Just be yourself. It's my first time so just bear with me. What are you doing? My, my what big eyes you have. Trick or treat. You push it in, you slide the food in. It pops right out, okay? I'm gonna take this device. I've done it three times already, inside. I'm gonna show the folks how to put it on the spit rod. It's so darn easy. I take the meat, and all I'm gonna do is just center it like this. It goes down. I'll put the wheel on. It's as simple as this. This is about a 7-pound pork loin roast. I'll put it in the machine, I'll slide it back, put up the window. - You set it, and? - Forget it! Right. I'm gonna go over to the pork loin roast over here now and I'm gonna take this one out. This has been done... It's only 8:00, and the streets are packed with visitors some to show off, others to blend in but all to celebrate the magical night of Halloween. Baked goods and crops were left out as offerings for the dead a custom now known as trick-or-treating. Christ. Revolutionary. Now look. Let me just start cutting this over here so that folks can see. This beautiful? Look at this over here, folks, huh? Look how beautiful that pork looks with all its injected flavors on the... Happy Halloween. Spite? Spite. Spite. Get your ass in here. Are you finished crapping or what? Who the hell is that? I've got an NRA membership in my pocket and a shotgun over the fireplace, so get out of here before I... It's me, Mr. Kreeg. Steven. Steven Wilkins. What in God's name are you doing down there, Wilkins? Hiding bodies? - What did you say? - Nothing. The septic tank is acting up. Well, fix it! It stinks like a dead whore out here. I'm trying. Keep your kid out of my yard! Goddamn freak. Happy Halloween. Screw you! Get the hell off my! Well, zip-a-dee-doo-dah. Spite? Spite? Who the hell are you? Wilkins! Wilkins! Over here! Wilkins! Wilkins, help me, goddamn it! Help me! Wilkins! Help me! - 911, please hold. - Hello? Hello? 911, what is your emergency? Yeah, I'd like to report... Hello? Hello? Hello? You gotta be fucking kidding me. Oh, no. Trick or treat. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks, Mr. Kreeg. Great mummy costume. Thank you. This was a great idea, honey. It's just magical. It makes me wish every night was Halloween. I'm sorry, Em. Wait, wait. Not yet. - What? - You're supposed to keep it lit. - Why? - Ancient tradition? Henry, it's Halloween, not Hanukkah. Baby, I'm lit, and you're lit. But your little friend here? His night's over. You know, you should be more careful. There are rules. You might upset someone. Oh, please. Who? Over here. Trick or treat. That's why I felt really relieved when I saw you two. Two? She's right there and yet... They can talk, and yet... They can talk about all the things they've wanted to for the past two years, and yet... Um, is there something wrong? Nagisa-chan? Okazaki-san? Can something like this happen? Have you heard of this rumor? Rumor? That Fuko is at this school right now. That she's having fun with friends. Ibuki-sensei! Of course, I know that's not true. After all, I see her in bed every day. If she is surrounded by many friends, even if it's only in her dreams, it makes me happy enough. If dreaming is the only thing she can do right now, then I want her to be having fun with her friends, if only in her dreams. If she were at this school, would you two be her friends? Yes! Definitely! If she's your little sister, I'm sure she's cute. I'm sure she'd be such a hard worker that I couldn't help but support her. I'm sure it'd be fun to be with her. Hearing that is enough to make me feel at ease. She was bad with people, so she didn't have many friends. So please stay with her. Until the end of her dream. Kouko-san. I'm in no position to say this, but... Please go ahead and marry your boyfriend. I bet your sister would want that, too. I-I think so, too. Your sister would be sad to find out you're having second thoughts about marriage because of her. Please marry your boyfriend for your sister's sake, too. Yes! I'm sure she thinks that your happiness is her happiness, too! Your words carry a strange power. It makes me think that's what she really feels. Although I was never able to think that way before to leave Fuko behind and become happy on my own... It's more selfish of you to assume that. You might be right. I'll take hold of my own happiness. Kouko-san. Your sister will wake up one day, right? I believe that she will. Puhi! You like it? Puhi! Could you celebrate my sister's wedding? Puhi! So you agree? Thank you very much. Puhi! Puhi! Fuko didn't know her sister was hesitating about her marriage. But it was good that Kouko-san made her decision. Yes. It's thanks to Okazaki-san. I'll do my best to find more people who will celebrate the wedding. Please. If you don't mind, could you celebrate my sister's wedding? Yeah. Let's give out the starfish to everyone on campus. She's a really strong girl. I've done something horrible to Fu-chan. You've done nothing wrong. I'm the one at fault. I couldn't believe her. I was thinking I'd reveal her secret identity by making her face Kouko-san. In the end, you were the one who was in the right. Please! Oh, thanks. Um, please have this. Fu-chan's really getting more and more into this. It'll all be a happy ending if she wakes up. I'm sure that'll be soon. Then Fu-chan can take part in Ibuki-sensei's wedding, too. Um, please have this. Completely ignored, eh? It's as if she didn't see Fu-chan. Oh yeah, there is one more person who's likely to accept one. Kotomi, Kotomi, Kotomi! Hey, notice us! Kotomi-chan! Tomoya-kun. Why does she notice when I call her that? What's your relationship with her? I can only say that it's as you see. Who is she? Fuko is here to give you this. Please accept it if you like. A bully? She's not bullying you. She wants to give it to you as a present. Present? Yes. Please come and celebrate my sister's wedding if you can. A star. No, a starfish. Starfish? The scientific name would be asterias amurensis Invertebrate, echinoderm. A carnivorous aquatic animal called starfish, or sometimes called seastar, in English. That starfish? Amazing! Okazaki-san! This person is more knowledgeable in starfish than Fuko! Yeah. As expected from a genius girl. I'm not too familiar with animals. That's not true! Fuko would want people like you to accept this! Please accept it. A present. Thank you. Fuko is glad she was happy. Maybe you two'll get along. Since you both space out and look clumsy. Fuko is not clumsy! Fuko thinks Fuko is more dexterous and agile than you! All right, you said it. How about we settle this with a tongue twister? Fuko accepts. Tokyo Tokkyo Kyokakyoku! Tokyo Tokkyo Kyokakyoku! Tokyo Tokkyo Kyokakyoku! Tokyo Tokkyo Kyokakyoku! = Tokyo Patenting Office! You were saying Nagoya towards the end. Who would possibly bite their tongue like that? ! You're pretty cheap, aren't you? Cheap? It means cheater. Fuko is not a cheater! Fuko is a fair player. Fuko is famous as a fair person with neighbors. What kind of neighbors do you have? Here it goes. Kyoukyo kyokkyo kyokyakyoku. Koko kokokoke kokko. Kokyo kokokekyo. How was it? Don't try to act like you succeeded. Okazaki-san, you're so rude. You're the rude one. Hey. You guys look like you're getting along today, too. We're not getting along at all. She's right. We're in the middle of a fight. Both Okazaki-san and Sunohara-san. You should not do anything that bothers Fuko. Otherwise, a disaster will befall you. Really? Tell me what'll happen. Come on. So what'll happen? Heh. Protect Fuko-chan! Okazaki! Help me! Where did they take him to? Don't know. We gave out a lot today, too. Yes. Once we're home, we'll make more for tomorrow. Fuko. Can you head home alone again? We have a little business to take care of. Sorry to interrupt. Good evening. Oh, welcome. What brings you here today? I have something I wanted to ask. Your resolution to get married hasn't changed, has it? You became worried and came to check? Don't worry. I've already talked about it with Yusuke-san. I see. But we can't reserve a hall for the ceremony, so it seems the actual ceremony will still be sometime in the future. I guess there are many happy people out there. A ceremony hall, eh? To be honest, I wanted to do it at the school. At Hikarizaka High School, where I once was a teacher. At our school? I was hoping I could have the wedding surrounded by students and teachers. With my sister there, too. Again with the waterworks? Yes, I'm sorry. Um, may I ask a question? Yes? You said that Fuko... your sister... wasn't good at making friends, right? What kind of girl was she? Before the accident, that is. The first summer vacation after I became a teacher, we went to a beach with our relatives. There were children around the same age as Fu-chan, too. But she would stay behind me like she was hiding. Even if others spoke to her, she couldn't greet them properly. She would only play with a starfish by the shore. All alone. That's when I realized for the first time. Fu-chan doesn't take the initiative to get to know others. She graduated middle school like that. But I said it shouldn't stay like this. When spring break came, I spent time away from her. I'm headed that way, too. She doesn't talk much. Bye. It was very painful, but I kept pretending I was busy. I'm sure Fu-chan was very lonely. But I wished that loneliness would lead her to finding friends at her new school. And on the day of the entrance ceremony, she said to me: "I'll do my best and make friends." I remember how that morning was a very refreshing one. And on her way back from the entrance ceremony, she got in the accident. But it's puzzling to me. Why do you two worry about Fu-chan so much? You've never met her. That's because maybe we both have something in common with your sister that we can relate to. Please! Please! Ibuki-sensei must think Fu-chan is sleeping and feeling all alone. It's only until Fuko wakes up. Once she's released from hospital and comes to school, Kouko-san will know that she has many friends at school. Please! Yeah. The number of people accepting them is going up. Since everyone thinks Fuko got released from the hospital, the ghost rumor is gone, too. Released from the hospital? What's that? You lost the fight, so why are you here? Don't be so stingy. All I want to do is see my beloved Nagisa-chan. Th-Thank you very much. But I think someone better for you will show up. I got dumped instantaneously! On the other hand, there are still people who ignore Fuko. Therefore I'm suggesting we give out something else. There's no need for that. Everyone who accepted them is happy. They only say they are. Who would be happy over getting a ninja star? Ninja star? This is a ninja star, right? This is a starfish! Starfish? ! I thought it was a ninja star the entire time. Both Okazaki-san and Sunohara-san are very rude. But as they say, I think the majority of people do not know that these are starfish. Where's the need to let them know? Fuko would like to whisper that they are to those who are likely to understand the beauty of starfish. That's actually a starfish. That's harassment. Then Fuko will use the PA to tell everyone at once after Fuko distributes them to everyone in school. Those are actually starfish. I'd love to see every student fall over in sync, but... They won't fall over. They'll be rejoicing. Fuko is sure a Starfish Commemoration Festival will start as a school event, analogous to the Founders Festival. I don't want to see that. Let's distribute something cuter. In that case- No! I haven't said anything yet. I know what you'll say without having to hear it. The Big Dango Family, right? Yes, but... Hey you, don't dismiss Nagisa-chan's idea like that! Then do you find the Big Dango Family cute? Well, there are situations where I might find it cute. It's not dependent on the situation. The Big Dango Family is always cute. Um, Fuko is sorry for Nagisa-san, but Fuko thinks starfish are cuter than the Big Dango Family. Oh. Is this the birth of the Starfish vs. Dango War? Of course, starfish are cute. But the Big Dango Family wins by a little. Fuko understands the beauty of the Big Dango Family. And yet, Fuko still prefers starfish. That modest Nagisa-chan is... I guess it's the one thing she can't give in to. Starfish don't come with a song. But dango are cute, so they have a song. Here it goes. Dango, dango, dango, dango. Big Dango Family. Starfish can do that! Here it goes. Starfish, starfish... That's a knockoff! How long will this continue? I don't know. No one can stop this now. Then starfish and dango can share first place. Yes. Let's cool our heads and start over. Fuko would like to keep going with starfish. Fuko feels like Fuko will lose if it is changed now. What are you fighting against? Since... They're so cute... There she goes again. Sunohara, can you put your head on the table? Why? I beg you. It has to be your handsome face for this to work. I guess it can't be helped. He's so easy. Okazaki-san, what are you doing? Fuko became too relaxed from poking the starfish. Don't worry. Poke it as much as you like. Fuko isng as much as Fuko likes without you having to say so. Wow, that looks painful. Furukawa, can you come with me for a sec? I want to go meet Koumura. How rare for you to come asking for advice from me. You remember an art teacher named Ibuki, right? Ibuki-sensei, huh? Yes, I remember very well. He had a very hairy chest. No! I'm talking about Ibuki Kouko! She's an art teacher who left here three years ago! Oh, that's right. I'm starting to forget things these days. She's getting married. Oh. Congratulations. Not to me. Don't be so misleading. How was that misleading? God, how serious is he? I'm guessing you're here to say that you want to let her have the wedding here at school? How did you know? Ibuki-sensei mentioned something like that while she was still here. She and I got along, so we often chatted. And he is forgetful these days? So? Can you let her? I'll talk to the principal and the vice-principal. Don't worry about it. All the teachers at this school were fans of Ibuki-sensei. Wedding at the school? Yes. Koumura-sensei will organize it. There's no need for you to wait months for a ceremony hall to be free. Thank you very much, Nagisa-chan, Okazaki-san. There's something I need to let you two know. My sister's condition worsened the other day. The doctor says that there probably isn't a chance of her waking up. I believe that Fu-chan will wake up one day. But I don't know if that will be next week or ten years from now. When I get married, we plan to live in the next city over, closer to where Fu-chan is. Then I can spend more time with her. Did Fuko know this was coming? Is that why the only thing she could do was increase the number of people coming to the wedding? Hey. You don't look too cheerful. Something happen? You, too. Why are you spacing out? Something strange happened after you and Nagisa-chan went off. Um, please accept this if you like. Um, please accept this if you like. Hey, hold up for a bit. Oh, Sunohara. What do you want? Stop playing dumb. An underclassman was talking to you. Why are you ignoring her? Underclassman? What are you talking about? Stop acting. A girl just talked to you, right? She was giving you a sculpture. What are you talking about? "What"... Where do you even see a girl? They weren't lying or joking around. They didn't see Fuko-chan with their eyes. Okazaki. What exactly is she? What do you mean "what"? I've heard of Ibuki Fuko before. How she got in a car accident the day of the entrance ceremony, and how she's been in a hospital ever since. She's Isogai Fuko. I asked every freshman that was staying behind for club activities. Nobody knows the name Isogai Fuko. That's not all. She's being forgotten. Being forgotten? Even those who received a sculpture are starting to forget about her. They say they don't remember getting a sculpture. Okazaki, what's going on? Why does no one remember Fuko-chan? Okazaki. Are you listening to me, Okazaki? Fuko is starting to get the feeling that you're not that bad of a person. So you thought I was a bad person until this moment, eh? Now, Fuko likes you more than sea slugs. Seriously? ! Yay! I don't understand the rankings at all. I'll go on ahead. It'll fade away from those who know her less. Welcome home, Fuko-chan. Why didn't you wake me up? I forgot. I can't talk now. I'm Joe, an unemployed university graduate. I have a temporary job in a tutorial center. Since I got no money, I live with my best friend. He is a foreigner who doesn't like girls. Hey, stop the car! I need to drop! I'm Fat, a senior officer in an investment company. I earn a considerable salary. Here is my brother. Here is... my bra. No. Here is my brother, not bra. Should be brother. Here is... my bra. I've mentioned that so many times. It should be my brother, but not bra. I am the boss, a talent from the financial sector. Frank, I understand that. But... You still can't mess up these two words. Or you're done. But... I have a beautiful girlfriend. She is Rachel. She is a lawyer. She grew up in a foreign country. That's why she is open-minded. She has her own view and character. She even chooses to play the pole dance and plans to open one herself. This should be lower. I really enjoy our relationship. Me too. But my parents won't agree with it. I'm not going to marry you for my mom or your parents. Principal. I wonder if you could assign another two classes for me. My mom borrowed money from neighborhood. I am eager to pay the debt. Joe, all Chinese can teach Mandarin. But I chose you among them. I've given you a hand already. Once I found my girlfriend with a condom in her handbag. Her reason was... She might fancy other man. However, I have a traditional family. My father's great-grandfather lived That's why he believes we should keep the martial art spirit. He even built a martial art court for recruiting pupils to compete in martial skills. Recently, my mom is forcing my marriage and asks me to introduce my girlfriend to them. But I dare not bring my girlfriend to visit my hoary and venerable father. , after your father had watched "Curse of the Golden Flower he painted our ceiling golden. You should ask him to see "The Banquet". He watched that too. Now all the floor was painted black. Are you serious? Get back as soon as possible. Your father is going mad. Okay, I will arrange that. Can you come back this Lunar New Year? Bring your girlfriend with you. Okay... I have to go to work now. Bye. My mom asked me to go home in this Lunar New Year. I am not going with you as I can't change my character. I dare not bring you home since they are so conservative. I'm afraid... They'll be disappointed when they see me? Maybe we should find someone really frustrated before you show up so as to give them hope. What do you think? Look. Look for a girlfriend taken home. 30000 bucks for two weeks. You got any girlfriend experience? So what? As I've seen so many Japanese episodes... I am looking for a girlfriend. I will pay 30000 bucks for two weeks. She will visit my parents in Guangdong. The mission is to make them loathe you. You should dress fashionably. A certain level of sexy. Once my father said "whoever is better than you", then your job is done. I will pay you money. Do you understand the rules? Change a tight suit first. Okay... We aren't looking for a monkey. Give me another chance. No, you're not suitable to us. Come on. Why are you leaving? I quit. They are nuts. Think about your situation. And think about that 30000 bucks. Boss, please give her another chance. In fact, this girl does have some talent in acting. She is great in playing different roles. Really? She can't even dance. And not sexy enough. Listen, when George Lucas was shooting "Star Wars", he didn't look for real aliens, right? You look like aliens though. Who are you talking about? I can't dance? I am not sexy? Listen, I will beat you to death. Beat you to death! Believe or not? Those who need money can do everything. First, you should take a training. If you're fit, we may consider employing you. More passionate. Change a sexy suit. Pull down a bit. Open your heart and soul. (Contract) As long as you have gone through the contract, you can sign your name now. The contract will become effective after I've got expelled? Yes, as long as my father said "whoever is better than you", the contract will become effective. But I have one question. Speak up. I wonder... if I could bring him together. I'm afraid of my own safety. What does that mean? No problem... Make sure you will report to me regularly, Ok? You'll be fine. If he acts recklessly, I will report to you. He won't. Anyway, I don't mind. Make sure you are not that sissy at my home. I won't. Nothing has changed here. Move on. Brother! You are getting more and more beautiful. Let me introduce to you... My girlfriend, Joe Lau. This is Alex Hello She is my younger sister Ting. This is Auntie Mei. Auntie Mei, hello. My sister and I were brought up by Auntie Mei. She doesn't laugh much, but she is nice. What's that? Mom was right. Heaven and earth has turned upside down. You know what to do, right? Stand there and light your cigarette. Turn your face to that way. Turn now! See that? It's not easy to draw a word on a face. It's all about profound skill. Take this 500 bucks to buy some herbal medicine. Father! You are home? I am home. It is great. Let's go. Move inside. Haven't you seen that? We will die. I'm here. What are you afraid of? But I am really frightened. Come on, drink it. No! Not for drinking... Medicated wine's just another kind of wine. Dad, you are a great master. Nonsense! I am just a successor of our great martial artist. Fat Mom Fat Let me take a look at you. Great... It's only your ancestors lived in the same village with him. Now Fat is home and brings a girlfriend with him. Where is she now? ... What are you doing here? Father is looking for you. No... I am not going. Move on... Let me introduce to you. Come on. Let me introduce my American friend first. He is Alex. He teaches English in Beijing. I am Alex. Meet the great Master. Where, where What? You don't understand English? "Where" is a polite response. Then "where, where" is just something like not at all. Stop now. Let me take a look at our daughter-in-law. She is just my common friend! You won't bring a common friend home. Let me introduce. She is Joe Lau. She came back from a foreign country. Hello! Uncle, nice to meet you. Please take good care of me. My name is Joe Lau. Enough. Dad, western manner. Let me ask you. Do westerners love drinking medicated wine? Why are you drinking still? You already drank last night. Look at your pale face. Do you play exercises? We do. We play tennis in Beijing. Yes, we play tennis. What kind of exercise is it? Chuan! Yes. Show them. We have already lost 3 years in the Martial Art Competition between Wang and Fok family. Chuan is a boxer champion. I invite him to win the contest for us. This is called an exercise! Let us show you our tennis. Come on... Bring the racket! Magnify yourself. Here is our demonstration. Come on Great. Enough! Heresies. Father. Honey, wake up. Are you okay, Father? I'm fine... As long as I take a walk, I'll be fine... I will be fine... Hold on! No... He has woken up already. What's with you? Are you okay? ... Why are you looking at me? Father, do you know what happened? Seems like a dagger was attacking me. Luckily, I jumped into a river to avoid it. He hasn't worked up his mind yet. Who is it? Who made me drenched? Who is it? Who made me drenched? She is a walking disaster! Zhuzi said, servants mustn't be pretty. Wife mustn't wear heavy makeup. Dad, her dressing is conservative today. Bullshit! She showed half of her bottom in front of us. You still reckon it as conservative? Go and tell her... Tell her to break up with me? Ok, let me send her away! Hold on... As the saying goes, one can row a liner in his stomach. It should be, chancellor can row a boat in his stomach. Right... Tomorrow I will give a dinner and introduce you to our neighborhood. Tell your John... Father, she is Joe. Right... Ask her to take a rest and don't play the buffoon tomorrow. Go now. Ok. Hey, Fuddy-duddy. Why are you so considerate this time? Though I am a fuddy-duddy, you are no sexy maid. I asked you to pretend sexy, but not killing my dad. That's why we have to talk about it. As you know what we are going to do tomorrow. Am I going to sacrifice myself again? Today is just a family scandal. But tomorrow, we've got to face some real friends. He can't bear that anything goes wrong. Alex is right. It's late already. Get back to your room. I've got to take a shower. Shower? Get up. Get up. He is taking off his trousers. If he dares to touch you, you just beat him off. Get it? Don't be afraid. I am done. What are you doing here? T o strike your unreasonable desire. I lack confidence to those suddenly taking off trousers. I get used to it. Excuse. I guarantee. I guarantee that I won't touch you... I won't take liberties with you. But according to our contract, you should play your part in front of my parents. Fat, mom has come. Go to bed now. Be quick! What are you doing? Give me a soft glance. This is apoplexy. What should I do? Fat Mom. I remember I had locked the door. See if it can help. What is it? Treasure for men. I heard it produces the magnetic field that helps stimulate androgen. When X sperm meets with Y eggs, a baby will come. Mom, it seems like an electric mosquito repellent. No... Here is an instruction leaflet from the royal family. Really? Men's health, women's fortune... Your father and I hope that you can marry soon. Our whole family relies on you. I understand that, mom. But marriage doesn't like shopping in a convenient store. What are you saying? You think I can't figure out your relationship? Mom, keep this a secret from dad. He would get mad if he knew it. Don't bother him. I am open-minded. Furthermore... newfangled. A great writer said, a family without children is like a tree without fruit. But our relationship isn't stable. We usually argue over stocks. You'll be fine as long as a child is born. Mom, goodnight. Mr. Fok, please respect yourself. Don't fish in troubled waters! Miss Lau, please be more professional. Don't be so fussy! You know, some body parts of a woman is as sensitive as a military base. Alex. What? I wonder if you could teach me English. Sure. But my charges... is high. 500 bucks per hour. But... I am looking for a Mandarin tutor too. I wonder... if you charge high. As same as you. Learning English is nothing to do with teaching. As long as you watch more and listen more, you will be fine. You hear dogs barking all day. Do you understand what they means? I... My father has come. I recognize his footstep. What are you doing? I don't want to provoke him again. Idiot! You are here to provoke him. Are you giving up 30000 bucks? Make some noise now. What kind of noise? Just like... Be quick. It's disgusting. Come on. Another one. No. How come there isn't any noise? I made a mistake? What is he doing? He is practicing light skills. Light skills? Hey, bring me a ladder! I can't go down! Ladder! Where are you going? I've reached my climax for 8 times. Why bother me? My abdomen is totally worn out. Right, can I seek redress? I promise I won't make a mistake anymore. Dad. Why don't you go to sleep so late? I have a stomachache. Where is my daughter-in-law? Dad. Be careful about your address. I disagree with sexual relationship before marriage as it leaks out male energy. Dad, she insists that. Don't slip your mouth. I got it. Mom said so. A great writer said... Mom said so too. How about Parkin? Not yet. It's late at night. Are you trying to comment on a monumental literary work? In fact, I am here to tell you that I am a scientist but not a fuddy-duddy. One can correct her improper behaviors. What I frighten most is... What is it? Taking drugs. Drug addicts will permanently damage their nervous system. They even give birth to freaks. Does it include coffee addicts? No... Ketamine, Midazolam, Secobarbitalum... Dimethylamphetamine, Phentermine, MDMA... Ugly hijacker, die out of fate... What are you talking about? Ugly hijacker? Die out of fate? This is something endanger to our descendants. Once discovered, get lost from our family! Maybe I have to check her blood, urine and DNA. No... It is easy to recognize a drug addict. Whenever she bursts out, her limbs will tremble. After taking drugs, she'll shake her head. Are you okay? It hurts... Remember that. Don't stand behind a martial art master. It really hurts... Is he trying to take liberties with me through sleepwalk? Master Wang! Welcome! Congratulations... Welcome! Welcome... We haven't seen for ages. Hello. Haven't seen for ages. Welcome... Please make way. Welcome... What are you doing? Why are you coming again and again? Back away... Welcome... Villagers, my son hasn't come home for 2 years. This time he brought his girlfriend with him. I am so glad. I drink a toast to all of you! Cheers... Sorry, my girlfriend will be here soon. I will introduce her to you later. I handle investment and joint venture in Beijing. I believe Fok and Wang Family is like Cambridge and Oxford University in Britain, which have a tradition of competition every year. What if we establish a company so as to make the competition more systematic? I also suggest that we can import the UFC competition rules, so that we can enhance and glorify ourselves and make Foshan the chief martial art city in China. What do you think? I have lost for 3 years already. I must win this time! Talk about that later! If I can't win the championship for four consecutive years, I'll be regarded as the loser. Fine... Let's discuss about it later. We'll consider... A toast to Fok and Wang family! A toast to Wang and Fok family! Cheers... Are you ready? ... Yes... Okay, go! Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Miss Lau! Hi! Everyone, cheers! Come on! I drink a toast to you. This is Secretary Xie. Come on. We drink a toast. This is Uncle Chow. Someone is having nosebleed. The weather is dry. The humidity today is 95%. Bumpkin, moisture can provoke nosebleed too. Come on, cheers. This is thrice champion, Bobo Wong. Why are you crying? Child. This is Master Wang. This is Director Wang. Pal. Cheers. Great body... Cheers! Cheers... Dad. Are you okay? Do you remember this well? Of course I remember. I used to piss in it when I was a child. Do you know our family drank water in this well? Sorry, I... Forget it. It has passed. No, I pissed in it this morning too. Luckily, I haven't drunk water today. Look, who is this? This is you as a child. What about this? Great-grandfather. What about this? Grandfather. What about her? She must be granny. Her braids are just the same as the photo's. Do you know why I made them? T o inherit our family, our history, our tradition and our ancestors! She should be blamed. She puts our ancestors to shame. She is so ill-bred and dissolute. It's not her fault. Not her fault? Right, it's my fault! I shouldn't even know her, bring her home, and show her in front of the villagers. Villagers? We are Fok family from Tienjin. In fact, it's not her or your fault. It's my fault. I thought I could add glory to our family by building up a big martial art court, buying the best equipments and hiring the best masters. But now when John bends her body, everything collapses. She is Joe. That's why everything should begin from Kung Fu. Or else, it is just a shame. Hi! Can I come in? Yes. I have some gifts for you. As women've been suffering for thousands of years, now we should turn over. How can I do that? My hubby will kill me that way. Wrong! In fact, men love this kind of thing as long as the one who wears it isn't his wife. Look, if you don't try it, how can you know about your charisma? How can you fight for your leading role? No wonder Fat hasn't come home for 2 years. Remember, make your hubby a pet in your hands. Have you succeeded? Your body can solve all problems. Men are so cheap. The problems that can't be solved by spear and pike, can be solved by this thin and transparent thing. Then he will die with a smile. Do your best! She is the one to be blamed. Dad, I will break up with her and find another one better than her. You can't blame her anyway. I understand that there is a big difference between our culture. The accommodate period for me to adapt my life in Southern China was 3 years. But now, she has come 3 days only. I believe John is a fairy to give a test on us. Joe is only a westernized girl. Just give her a chance. That's it. How was my performance today? Why don't you look at me when talking? How was my performance today? You have made some progress. But my father said you are a fairy. You'd better perform yourself sexier. Pull down your collar a bit and pull up your dress. You think it is still not enough? This is my baseline already. Or you simply ask Rachel to come. Maybe your father would accept her. I can't risk. Rachel is a girl who doesn't give way. It is not easy to get someone to change his character. Right? As long as you can irritate my father, my life will become easier. Oh, Romeo! Romeo! Romeo! What is it? Chuan, we are learning English through Shakespeare's works. You can join us too. I haven't played before... Come on. Come on. You play the role of Romeo Sleep there. Love scene? Yes. Sleep there. Sleep there? Yes. Be careful. This is about... Romeo misunderstands that Juliet has died. That's why he kills himself. I am not going to play it. Chuan. You will be fine. You think she's dead. You just try to kill yourself. Close your eyes. Ok. Muscle... M-U-S-C-L-E, muscle. Your muscle is strong. Strong... Your muscle is very strong. Oh, Romeo! Your muscle is very strong. Put a little more oil... is... smooth. Smooth... Yes, smooth. Why are you pushing oil on me? Shakespeare knew that too? Dad, what is you dream for all this? Do you think I am a nut? In fact, I have an aim. If I didn't bring Chuan back, he should have joined the gangsters. But now he is so responsible. The others living in the village had no chance to study. But now, I let them practice martial arts and study. This is called, martial arts stimulates glory. I am afraid that you'll spend all your money. Can you see the mountain beyond there? I occupy the whole area. At the end, it's still a kind of landed property item. No, it is a kind of spirit item. I've got it, mom. Okay, take care of yourself too. Okay, I've got it. Sister. Ting. How to make a guy know that a girl loves him? Pardon? How to make a guy know that a girl loves him? Easy. Women should learn to use their body language. It's not a privilege for whores. Come on! Come on, Ting, try it. Come on, come with me. Twist your bottom. Twist like a pendulum. Right, your waist. Smile. And your glance. Come on, raise your hand. Twist your bottom. Twist again. Like this? Yes, and mind your face expression. Smile again. Ting! What are you doing? Dad. Practice and you will make it. Thank you. 1, 2, 3! The most important of all is the expression on your face. And your fists plus a ferocious face! Come on, try it. A ferocious face! ... You failed. Try again. Remember, a ferocious face! No matter what, we should keep our face ferocious. Ting, show my DVD to them. Remember, a ferocious face! Don't doubt our master. There must be a reason behind. Let's follow the movement. Start! A ferocious face! What's the noise? What are you doing here! Poo? Fong... I am here. Look at me... Do you see any difference? Nothing special. Eyes irritation? Since Joe has come, everything has changed. Including me? Your legs are turning black. Are you poisoned? For 30 years, you haven't looked at me seriously. I didn't. Come on! So you can look at me clearly. Come on. Come on. What is the English name for Master? Mr. Fok. How about buying things? Shopping. Are you practicing Kung Fu or English here? Sorry. Everything even the ostrich has changed. Let's see the box office and viewers' opinions. If possible, we can spread it to the whole of China. Come on... She has changed to a sexy style. What's wrong with it? You've changed too. I changed from Marxism to Master Fok and back to tradition. Mom is more open-minded than you. But she is just turning from sensitive to sexy. Internally... she has changed a lot. It's hard to explain in a few words. She is no longer a virtuous lady. It's not your mom's fault. Since your girlfriend's come, everything's changed. She again? I thought thoroughly. Whoever... is better... Okay! I listen to you and send her home! Listen, do you have relationship with her? Dad, you mean sexual relationship? Did she give you her virginity? Virginity? I mean, did she give you her first sex? Why are you speaking English now? Did you have sex with her? Did you? Dad, you know she is... Stop now! I have changed my mind. Since she has given you her virginity, we as a martial artist should be trustworthy. Having good faith and virtue... You are so ungrateful! Dad, what's wrong with you? What are you talking there? Son, she is over demanding. And that is absolutely contradictory. Is virginity that important? Virginity is a value-added opportunity for women. It's their privilege. Then... We should give her a chance. Did you take a look at your mom? She has changed. But I do give her a chance. We even solved the water conservancy problem. Changing a girl is just an easy task. That's the deal! Owing to my dad's thoughts, no matter what, we should demonize your role. Go and take away my father's lifeblood. By killing you? No. It is the shoulder pole worshiped in our ancestral shrine. It is a relic of Master Fok. If you break it, I'll be finished off. How can you do that? You have no humanity! You are here for this. Sacrifice oneself for all of us. Relieve the besieged by besieging the base of the besiegers. Fine... just cut your bullshit. An extra 1 0000 bucks. Money is not everything. 1 5000 bucks, deal or not? Deal! Let me take away the shoulder pole first. Did you see the shoulder pole? Master Fok used it to resist gangsters when he's young. He fought against heavy odds, and even broke the shoulder pole. From then on, he became famous, and turned into a great master in China. Did Fat practice Kung Fu when he's young? His grandfather forbad all his descendants to practice Kung Fu. Why? Once, my father argued with someone when he was buying beef... Eventually the guy died. He beat him to death? We found that he died from heart disease. But my father never forgave himself. How about you? Did you practice Kung Fu? I changed to study electronic engineering. I successfully ameliorated the condenser in fridges. and earned a little bit when entering the market. It should be a lump sum, right? I bought lots of land and built a big martial art court. In this way, you can fulfill your dream? It is not a dream for me only. Chinese invented gunpowder but used it to set off firecrackers Invented compass but used it in Feng Shui. The only thing we did it right was martial art. It is still there up to this moment. My father handed this shoulder pole to me, so as to remind me the origin of Fok family. Whenever I feel lonely or depressed, I remember my family is everything. I nearly understand... your words. I understand it is something difficult for you. Sorry. No, it's okay. Nice to meet you. Come on... Let me show you some Kung Fu. You'll become modest afterwards. Throw away all your illusion and distracting thoughts. Come one, let me show you. Okay. Come on, stand still. A hook... A lead... Don't hook anyone. But you can practice hook in Kung Fu. Come on. A hook... A stroke... Why is it a stroke? This is another skill. A hitch... A palm... A push... A roc spreading wings. A roc spreading wings! A chicken hopping... Old eagle catching chicks. Is it true? Is it a real skill? Come on. How can you fall ill without getting the shoulder pole? I don't know. I felt strange when I reached the shrine. My stomach is painful. What should we do now? I don't know. I will try again after recovery. I spend money on you. Mom. Are you okay? My stomach is painful. Your hand is cold. She should be fine. Her pulse seems strange. Have a desire for love. What are you doing? This is my hand! Dad, are you fine with it? Your duodenum is fine. Internal secretion is okay. Lungs are great. The cervix is healthy, doesn't suffer from indigestion. Take some medicine, and she'll be fine. Dad, don't mess around. This is about a life. The biggest advantage of Chinese medicine is she won't die even taking wrong herbal medicine. Is she pregnant? Pardon. Is she pregnant? Pardon. Whore! Ask her not to eat too much salad. Ask her not to kill herself. Not to kill herself. My Dad is a professional in engineering but not this one. Be cautious if he wants to transplant your organs. Last night, I met your dad when I nearly took the shoulder pole. I talked with him and found that he was not that stuffy. In fact, he is an old naughty child. Let me rest for one or two more days. I promise I'll take the shoulder pole and irritate him. Okay? Rachel just called and asked about the progress. I've got it. I promise to do it quickly. Okay. Right, my dad misunderstands that you gave your virginity to me. Maybe you tell him it's not the case, so as to stimulate him. Okay? My 30000 bucks should include your honor and reputation. Right? Get lost! Cut your nonsense! Didn't you say that you'd have a lump sum soon? I will have it. Relax. Mom borrowed money for you to study in order to help you make a career. Please don't do anything wrong. Mom, I won't. What are you thinking here? Hang up now. Uncle Lau is collecting money again. Mom is fine. Don't make things difficult for yourself. Mom... I miss you. You slept so early? Have you slept yet? What are you doing? Nut! Don't have fancy on me. Who is having fancy on you? It's just my parents only. You think I'll dump my lawyer girlfriend because of you... What are you talking about? Nothing. Sleep now. I won't disturb you. Have you slept yet? Sorry, I didn't mean it. I'm fine as long as it is the truth. Just work a little harder, and the job will be done. Afterwards, you can take my money and leave. I don't get it. Why money is held by the southerners? This is a question of Economics. Have you ever suffered from poverty? Not in my memory. My memory is totally different from yours. But I do have feelings towards poverty. Mom Please give me another creamy candy, okay? I have been waiting for a month. It's so delicious. Mom, fancy to lick it? I will remember this flavor. When I am sleeping tonight, in my dream, I want to taste another one. What's wrong? What are you doing? I... You... what are you doing? I don't know. How come you are here? Why are you sleeping here? Brother Fat. How can one know he is in love with someone? Do you like her? Yes. Do you care for her? Yes. Do you remember her scent? It is difficult. Do you know if she is sleeping? I have slept too. Do you know if she is dreaming? I don't know. Do both of you have common interests? Common interests... It's my honor to declare that in order to show our sincerity to UFC, we'll adopt the UFC competition combat rules in our match between Fok and Wang family this year. First of all, thanks for Master Wang's support. Give him a big hand! And all of our villagers' support! We'll lead Foshan the martial center in China. Now, please welcome Master Wang! To show Wang Martial Club's sincerity, we donate our heirloom, magnificent whip as the badge of this congress. Thank you, Master Wang! I also donate the shoulder pole of Master Fok. Ting, give me the shoulder pole! My dad was right. I shouldn't have practiced Kung Fu, even reading martial art novels. Or reach Wuyishan and Wuhan. Now the shoulder pole is out of luck. I've got to pick out all other shoulder poles! Mom, stop your nonsense. The shoulder pole is here... Shoulder pole? Shoulder pole... has turned out that way. Uncle Fok, I am sorry. I found the bag holding weapons was really beautiful. So I picked that down to take a look, suddenly a mouse which was bigger than a cat jumped off. I was scared and beat it with the shoulder pole. That's why it has turned into pieces. You used the shoulder pole to beat a mouse? You used Master Fok's shoulder pole to beat a mouse? Sorry. I didn't mean it. Sorry, madam. How many times have you apologized in my house? There is something can't be solved by an apology. I shut my mouth then. How could I know you? How could I bring you home? What the hell! Fok 1. Fok 2. Fok 3. Fok 4. Fok South. Fok North. Uncle Fok. You leave first. It's not the right time to apologize. Return to your room. All of you leave now. Leave now... I hire you here to change my dad's attitude so that he may accept Rachel. But now, Except my dad, my mom, my sister, Auntie Mei... everyone in the house goes mad. What should I do? Try to run away from my wages? I won't. I'll pay according to the contract. Great. What is this? Master Fok's shoulder pole? Didn't you break it into pieces? This is the philosophy of computer. Keep the most important part. Idiot. You are so clever. My dad can be helped. System restoration! Fok Gold. Fok Silver. Fok Copper Fok iron Old Fok. Fok... Cholera. Dad! Fok Sick. The shoulder pole is fine! Exactly the shoulder pole of Master Fok! What should we do next? Fundamentally, nothing will be changed. But stop stimulating him at this moment. Just keep doing your job and let him experience aside. But I really need the money. I'm afraid that my mom can't stand any longer. Don't be anxious. I'm afraid that you'd leave with the money. Right, I can't force you to believe me. What should I do? The Lunar New Year is coming. But I have no money left. And I have to buy New Year stuff for my mom. Maybe we take a rest tomorrow for half day to buy some stuff. Afterwards, you can take them home for the New Year. Look. What? Bought anything? A palankeen! Wanna ride the palankeen? Fancy to sit? For you. How do you know I love this kind of candy? I don't know. I only know I love this candy. I was a greedy child. But my father worried too much candy could decay the teeth and did not allow me to eat. I couldn't hold myself and stole candy from my neighborhood. When my father knew that, he beat me hard and called me the white rabbit thief. So you hate this candy and no longer eat it. Wrong. The next day, my father bought me a big packet. He said we can't be a theft no matter what. It is a way to teach you the right thing. In fact, he was right. Once, my mom tried every method to buy some candy and put them into different places. So that I couldn't eat all at a time. Your mother was smart. I once ate a whole packet. You are lucky that you were born in a wealthy family. Once I saw that my mom secretly picked a candy. Split it and put it in her mouth. Then she quietly wrapped it up and put it back. At that time, I had a stirring of emotion. I thought I should study hard and study in university, so I could make money. Then I could buy tons and tons of candy for her. No wonder you think of it when you're dreaming. I made dreams? I didn't eat candy in my dream. Really? What about you? Of course not. I sleep well and seldom make dreams. Seldom make dreams. Seldom make dreams? How to say " Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin" in English? The moon represents my heart. You ask how deep my love is, and how long my love is. My love is real. My affection is real. The moon represents my heart. The moon... represents my heart. The round moon Looks at all people in the sky. Walk around alone on the street. I confuse love and hatred. I'm not as tough as you thought. The moon is sorrow sometimes. It changes everyday, on your face. The so-called forever and ever is just a misunderstanding. I sing that song slowly You ask how deep my love is, and how long my love is. My love is real. My affection is real. The moon represents my heart. Stop... now... How can you get hurt in this critical time? From now on, you can simply wear one shoe. Chuan, our fist champion, can hurt him. It seems that Alex's Kung Fu is not bad too. I can't lose to Master Wang again! Alex, can you represent us? But I am a foreigner. There isn't any national boundaries in martial art. Listen. A roc spreading wings. A chicken hopping. Two dragons to the sea. Netting moon in the sea. Monkey grabbing peach. Dragon with regrets. Holding the balance. Why haven't I heard of this skill? Why not? I found it myself. Ladies and Gentlemen! Hello! The annually martial art competition is about to begin. This year, Fok family has enlarged an army so as to take back the fist championship. Master Wang also sharpened his sword, so as to defend his champions. Now the red side, which is the present fist champion, his nickname is crazy cow, Bobo Wang. He represents Wang Physical Education Club. For the blue side, he is an American who has a nickname womanizer, Alex. He represents Fok's Righteousness House. UFC Foshan trial match will begin today. If it is successful, we'll hold a big feast next year. Red and blue side, on your mark. What are they doing? What? Brewing. Alex, listen to my instructions. I shout the skills and you follow. Weak skills first. Attack his blindside. Catch him unaware. Make a diversion. Kill him by another's hand! Drop the Gong Tau and try some wicked skills! Resist the leopard and fight with the tiger. Slant your bottom. Upper body for weak, lower body for strong. Light your body. Objection! Somebody is making a curse. Move forward and fight! Come in straight and avoid it with across. Come in across and avoid it with straight. Body is a bow while hand is an arrow. Eyes are shooting stars while legs are diamonds. Damn it. Kick! Barbarian. Barbarian? Pay attention to your waist. Air may rise from your stomach. Bobo. Sitting on a Guanyin, pushing an old man. Nasty! Cut water with a knife. Drink in a sad mood. I know that too. A life on earth without happiness. Show your penis tomorrow. Nasty! Avoid your body as a crane, avoid your hand as a snake. Serve for the people. Strike down all evil spirits! Life is a treasure while love is in a high value. But for freedom, one can throw both of them. Beat his lungs and beat his stomach. Find a light in a fuzzy place. Moon is fade, stars are drowning. A big river with wide waves. A breeze through flowers and make a nice scent among the shore while I am living on the shore. Kick his sex organ! Damn it! This is the most fragile area of men. How could he kick that? He is wicked. The best in the world is our mom. Those have a mom is a treasure. Dad, why are you singing? This is the most effective song for relieving pain. I have data on my hand. The best in the world is our mom. Those have a mom is a treasure. Throw into mom's hug, you will never forget your happiness. Blue side wins! Great! This is not only a victory in martial arts, but also art and culture! Where shall we dine tonight? My treat! You decide. I am home finally. Toilsome. What's wrong? Perfume. Long hair? I slept on the sofa. Please don't misunderstand us. This is a short one. Seems like you are not only living together, but also sleeping on the same bed. In fact, this is a method to deal with my parents. Since they hate cohabiting before marriage, right? In this way, they will loathe her and send her away earlier. Nothing is happening to us. Rachel, in fact... I am in full apparel every time I sleep. So you don't have to worry. It's fine. Just watch for us in the front door. I have something important to tell Fat. Fine. Honey, I miss you so much! I miss you too. Hold on. If my parents see this, we would turn all the previous labor to nothing. What are you afraid of? Joe's on our side. No, she would hear it. We haven't seen each other for 2 weeks already. I bet the truth is the show has turned into a reality. And you are falling in love with her? What are you thinking? How can it happen? You should knock. Uncle Fok is coming. My dad is coming? Take a seat... Dad. Uncle Fok. Ra... Rachel, right? Why are you still here? Fat, Rachel has busied for a whole day already. You... Sit there with Joe. I want to talk with Rachel. Go. Excuse me. Joe, sit here. Rachel, how long have you known Fat? We have known each other for some time. Furthermore, we live in the same... same estate. Not only that, but... the same building. Not only that, but the same floor with the same property company. Bullshit! As long as you are living in the same estate, it should be the same property company. Uncle, in fact Joe is not as much as I know Fat. It is not the key point. The key is which girl Fat wants to get along with. Rachel, don't mess around with my dad. I didn't... He'll take it seriously. I'm not messing around. We really live in... Mosquito. Uncle, let me tell you. Mosquito again! How come there're so many mosquitoes here? Ladies, stop messing around here. My dad can't take anymore excitement. I'm fine... A much lower collar. Great! Keep chatting. Keep chatting... Keep chatting, right. I express my good wishes to everyone, may health and wealth come generously to you. Come on... I drink a toast to all of you! Cheers! Please sit down... There is an important issue in Fok family that I wish all of you here to testify for us. Fat, after this Lunar New Year, you'll become 34 years old. Leave this village and you can't find the shop again. Marry your beautiful Joe. Give birth to babies. And grow old with her. In fact, this is not only a victory meeting, but also an engage banquet for Fat and Joe. May I speak a few words? Rachel, maybe we can discuss in private. Today is a big day for Fat and Joe. No, it should be a big day for Fat and me. In fact, I have known him for 5 years. We've been living together for almost a year already. I am his real girlfriend. Joe is only a stand-in that is paid by us. Joe? Uncle Fok, Auntie Fok... Sorry. Joe! Fat, tell me! Dad, I'll be 34 after the Lunar New Year. You can't beat me as a child for some minor mistakes. Minor mistakes? You played tricks on all of us. You played tricks on all of us. and ruined the purity of two girls. You should be beaten! What is the era now, dad? Though you hire Joe, she has given you her virginity. How can you be that unrighteous! I am not sure whether Joe is still a virgin. But what I am sure is I am not the one who ruined her virginity. We haven't got any relationship at all. But you did tell me that. I cheated you only so as to make you dislike her. Mei told me she heard that you were having sex, and made a loud noise. We were only pretending so you would send her away. Tell mom, you slept with such a pretty girl every night... Really nothing had happened? Not even once? No. Fat! Are you a man at all? It would be great if you had once. We martial artists are faithful and tying of friendship. We have good faith and virtue. How can you add value to virginity? Fresh air is the only advantage in this village. Joe has left. How come you have this? Joe gave me. She said you were called The rabbit thief. Right? What else did she say? She said a lot, including all your family members. She said Ting was a pure girl. Her English was poor. If I teach her English, she'll love me for sure. Auntie Fok is the most open-minded person in this family. I gave her some trendy underwear two days ago. I thought she would go mad. However, she accepted them with pleasure. I think you can tell her whatever new and interesting things. In this way, she'll love you for sure. For Uncle Fok, he is the most easy-going person in this family. As long as you tell him you enjoy martial arts, and are willing to practice with him, he will love you for sure. Though Auntie Mei has a cool face, she is a passionate woman. She just doesn't know how to express her feelings. I am sure your outgoing character can help her a lot. Fat loves eating creamy candy. If you have chances, do buy him some. Rachel, in fact, Fat hasn't forgotten you in his heart. Though we were intimate, it was just for them to hate me and send me away. So that he could marry you earlier. Do you care for her? Yes. Do you know if she is sleeping? I have slept too. Do you know if she is dreaming? I don't know. Do both of you have common interests? Hold on! Wait a second! Wait for me! I heard the phrase " village virus" in school. Now I feel exactly the same. I really can't get used to your family. And I can't stay here any longer. Fat, I will only wait for you in Beijing. Okay? Just stay. Faye, where are they? It is still the office hour. Mr. Fok, the Lunar New Year is coming. That's why they left earlier for home. Will you stay here for the Lunar New Year? I think so. Mr. Fok. Chairman Lee just called to ask you to go for dinner in the most luxurious restaurant in Beijing. Please make sure you will arrive at eight. I've got it. I'd better leave now, bye. Welcome, this way please. Fat, to widen your knowledge, this is the most luxurious restaurant in China. I should enjoy this with my beloved one. Why with you? Since you don't have a girlfriend. I had one but I lost her. Human is a kind of social animal. You can't stay alone. Loneliness is something more serious than traffic accidents. It's the biggest killer for men between 30 to 50. The Golden Week is a highly risky period. Only those having girlfriends live long. That's why you have 3 girlfriends. Can you see there? That one. An actual body which suits you well. No way. Her face has turned yellow already. I bet she has Hepatitis B. That one is my girlfriend. I'm talking about the girl next to her. Sorry. She is a classmate of my girlfriend's colleague. She studied Chinese and is a little bit balmy. However, she looks sexy when wearing white shirt. You talk like a pimp. I am just doing good for you. Don't make fun with me. I'd better go now. Let me introduce to you. Fat. Joe. After you came to my house, mom has changed into sexy and dad has changed into sensible. Now he is much more gentle to my mom. In fact, Rachel is the one who changed me. I must thank her. How is she recently? Since you left, we... we broke up later. What are you doing now? I am working in the editing department as an assistant editor. But I'm a handyman in fact. Do everything in the office. Let me ask you. Did you put that 30000 bucks in my luggage? Why didn't you call me so long? It's okay. I will pay you back the money. Want another contract? Or... 30000 bucks for 2 weeks? I let you set the time limit. A life term contract is fine too. Previously on The Shield: On the ground! - Grenades. - We gotta go get Lem. If he doesn't show, assume he made the deal. They're gonna make you give us up. Shane? - Grenades. - The El Salvadorans. Their leader's missing. Name is Guardo. Start there. We'll find out who did this and we'll kill him. Why am I trusting you? If you care about Guardo, you'll play it my way. - Let Nydia go. - She's how we're gonna get to Guardo. Maybe he didn't do it, man. - lf it wasn't Guardo, who else was it? - Look at him, man. Tilli, we know about you and Shane. He's in the hospital. Your step dad know you spread your legs for Shane? Her old man got the drop on me. Some black bitch called. Is that who you're banging while I've got morning sickness? Get out. What do you know about Hernan? He's a fed undercover in the Salvadoran organization. - Who are you? - We're on the same side. Heard about trouble with Salvadorans and Mexicans. My guess: Guardo's collateral damage. - Prick blew up a friend. - That cop? Guardo didn't do that. The word came down: no distractions. Guardo wasn't even up here then. He was in Mexico with me. Our son can never know what I've done. I killed Lem. Please forgive me, please. I can't... I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry. Please, just ask me back. Who's got it? Eyes up. Nobody wants to talk. Don't look at me. Somebody's got it. Can't do nothing the easy way. All right, ladies, ain't your first time at the dance. You know the drill. Drop them. Oh, yeah, pretty boy, you've got a lot to think about. Take your time. Not you. Hurry up. Come on, move! I want your shoes. I want your pants, your shirts. Neat little piles. Is he alone? Sound of it, it's a do-not-disturb. Yeah, come in. What is it, Billy? - You have a visitor, Antwon. - What does Renee look like? I know. I'm sorry. I know my visitor can't be as half as fine as Renee. - Ain't that right, baby? - Better be right. Some white cop from L.A. He's pressing the warden about seeing you right away. Give me two shakes. And shut that damn dog up. Now, I ain't got time for sweet nothings, baby. You gonna have to show me what that good God gave you right now. Come here. My day just gets sunnier and sunnier. How's life in prison? Much better now that Kavanaugh went down for framing you. Got my privileges back. I didn't know we still had business together. You mean since my guy you put a hit out on got a grenade in his lap? I heard about that. Gotta give somebody points for creativity. Yeah, you. You may have wanted your pound of flesh from me. Waiting for Lem to come into jail but he ran. So you had your guys on the outside find him, kill him make it look Salvadoran. One-time offer. You tell me who it was on the outside who offed Lem the punishment will be limited to them. You don't give me all their names right now and I'll start tearing up your gang from the outside and I'll start tearing at your perks from the inside. And I promise you, I swear to God I will find a way, no matter how many guards you have on your payroll to get to you inside here. And that, ladies and gentlemen is my final encore. Making the great Vic Mackey think I'm everyone and everywhere. Responsible for all the worst crimes against humanity. It's sad, really. You know, chasing ghosts haven't done you any favours. I didn't off your boy. Wished I did. And so do you, because if you're coming after me for this that means you lost your last clue. Good seeing you, though. He says, "Daddy, I got a boo-boo" - Shane. - "But my boo-boo's on the inside" - Talk to you later. - Okay. - When did you get in? - Ten minutes ago. - We got a problem. - What? Guardo didn't kill Lem. No one in the Salvadoran organization did. - What? - Took a flyer at Antwon too. - One-Niners are a no-go. - We're back at square one. No. Guardo's in a bunch of charred pieces because... He didn't do it. - We got credible intel. - From who? Federal ICE agent working undercover with the Salvadorans. The feds have the final say? You know they've lied to keep us from playing in their backyard? Doesn't feel like that. So he's the rare fed that lies well. Look, we finished this. There's nothing more to find out. All right? Hey, Dutch. Where are we with Lem's case? Holding pattern. Still working on finding Guardo. That Guardo's a dead end. I got it right from Hernan. You met with Hernan? The ICE told me I couldn't get a sit-down. What's the lab report say? It's not back yet. It's due. I got a dead cop and no suspect. Think you could light a fire under their burner? - Yeah, maybe. - Yeah? Did something happen last weekend when you had Cassidy? - Something to upset her? - No, why? She won't stay with you when I go to San Francisco for the Cure Autism Now rally. - Why not? - She doesn't wanna talk about it. I've already got hotel reservations, the plane tickets... I'll talk to her. Whatever it is, we'll fix it. Look, I'm stuck here. You think you can drive Cassidy over here later? - She won't talk to you. - It's not up to her. I'll talk to you later. I'm running a list of ex-military felons. Maybe they got Lem's grenade from Uncle Sam. - Interesting reading? - I was checking out real-estate prices. Trying to see what this house Mara and I are fixing up's gonna be worth. You want to jump in on this Lem thing anywhere? It's a waste of time. - We settled this. - We can't be sure. This ICE agent, he has no reason to lie to us. You were sure enough to put a bullet in Guardo before he confessed. And I trusted you then that we knew everything we were gonna know about what happened. And you did what you had to do. We all did. Just put this in the rear-view mirror. Stop asking questions that there are no answers to. Whatever funk he was in seems over. He seems at peace with it. I don't know how I can be until I know for sure. When we took down that stash of grenades the night that Lem died Shane did the count solo, right? - Vic, come on. - Did he say anything weird that night? - About Lem? The night... - No. No. He did say when Kavanaugh's frame-up job was gone and things looked bad he said something like: What if he had a grenade from the bust and he was with Lem and it went off accidentally. I just took it as him wanting to lie to get you off. What did you say? It wouldn't help, and he'd be admitting to aiding and abetting. What did he say? Nothing. You remember Shane's count on the grenades that night? - Not here, at the Salvadoran house. - Jesus. I don't wanna think like that. Do you remember the count or not? Write it down. What do you have? Seventy-three, like the home-run record. We gotta run a check. What are we saying here? All we're saying is as soon as we can... The first chance you get, you're gonna quietly confirm that Shane logged in 73 grenades and that all 73 grenades are still sitting there nice and neat in the bomb-squad evidence locker. Morning. Mind if I take one of these? Was this Lem's? - Sorry. I didn't... - No, no, no. It's all right. You're part of the team. No reason it should go empty. Trust me. If I'm wrong, I'll buy you a beer. Hey there, gentlemen. Well, someone had a good night. Pregnancy sex is the best kind. Give you something to look forward to. Thanks, I'll give Mara a call. The crew I'm looking for. Got a body in an apartment building on Cole. Young woman, 20s. Stabbed. Are we taking straight-up homicides now? Victim's Emily Martin. Daughter of the city controller, Robert Martin. The guy that's got the city's purse strings. - That earns our special touch. - A lot of people will be watching. Aceveda called himself to ask for extra manpower. Just remember who you work for. These cases are just one invitation to get ass-reamed by the bosses. Let's get it done and out of the spotlight. - Let's try not to get ass-reamed. - Well, it wasn't a robbery. The extent of the wounds? - Someone gave her an O.J. shave. - Long way from Daddy's web of power. - She got tired of the west side. - You know the drill. - Look for nosy neighbours. - Something there. Maybe a shoe print. Good work, eagle-eye. I knew they bumped him up for a reason. Come on, let's start over here. Police, open up. - Hey, there's the poster girl. - Looking good, Tina. - All bow down to poster girl. - It's all good. I guess wet dreams can come true. Hey. How you doing? I'm good. How are you? Good. I called you a couple of times. Is everything copasetic? Yeah. Well, you heard about the transfer? They basically wanted me in some P.R. role. Talking in schools, recruitment meetings, things like that. - You mean the poster. - Yeah. That's all that was. But I got to meet a couple of people up at the chief's office. And convinced them that I'd represent the force better on the streets. Well, I think you belong here. Dutch, there's a woman in the lobby who wants to talk to a detective. Steve's free. She said actually that it's about Guardo Lima. That's your suspect in Lem's case, right? Yeah. Excuse me. Tina, welcome back. We should talk about your new assignment. Okay. You heard that Julien's on the Strike Team? Yeah. - So who am I riding with? - Well, for now, me. - Is that a problem? - No. Well, you're a sergeant now. And sergeants don't get out much. That's okay, I'm gonna keep you busy. It's only temporary. You have information about Guardo Lima? He's missing. Something bad's happened. - When was the last time you spoke? - He hasn't called me in over a week. - That doesn't mean anything's wrong. - We talk every day. He loves me. Now, no one has seen or heard from him. - Was it Salceda? - Who's Salceda? A Mexican. He's the one who wanted to take over the business Guardo ran. That cop knows all about it. He's the one who told me that Salceda wanted to kill Guardo. Okay, which cop? I'm the one they had in protective custody so don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. Kevin Hiatt, this is Robert and Patricia Martin. Kevin's heading the team doing the investigation. - I'm sorry. - Thank you. The Martins are friends, and I told them I'd be their go-between. Emily was a beautiful, wonderful young woman. Know what she was doing in this part of town? Our daughter didn't deserve this. My wife doesn't deserve to be put through anything else. - Of course. - Give me a second. The Martins are dealing with a tragedy. People might try to paint this a certain way so we can't let anybody sully this girl's reputation. Yeah. Sure. Hey. Witness says he saw his neighbour, Rahid hurrying out carrying two trash bags. Six flights up, he still took the stairs. People say he's loud, gets visitors all night. When they ask him to keep it down, he threatens. - Apartment's right over here. - Let's pay a visit. - Vic? - What? What's the problem? Aceveda and the old man want the daughter clean. We don't know what we're supposed to be hiding yet. I'll help you through that. Just keep it to yourself for now. Look, city controller on one side, Claudette's moral code on the other. So whoever you screw, you get cut off at the knees. - Fantastic. - Trust me, there's a way out. There always is. First we find out the truth, then we figure out what to do. Late-night visitors means late-night customers. He packed up his stash and got out of Dodge. If Rahid had parking, building'll have his plate. I'll get it on the wire. - Anything? - Think so. Phone numbers. Good. Call them in. See if you can get some names. Hey, Vic. Found this under the bed. - Guy must have needed a boost. - Or Daddy's little girl did. They came and got me one night, about a week ago. Took me to the safe house because I was in danger. - From Salceda? - I just wanna find Guardo. - Could you look for him, please? - He's supposed to be in Mexico. The main one said that Salceda would try to kidnap me to get leverage on Guardo. And then they just what, let you go? This one, he said that Guardo never came back to L. A but they caught Salceda. Then he dropped me off. They know what happened to Guardo. They know if someone killed him. Her time frame puts all this during Vic's personal days off. I understand the time frame. Vic had Guardo on the phone, Nydia confirms it. And there's no Salcedas in the department's records with connection to the Salvadorans or cartel. We are not gonna accuse Mackey of murder and be wrong again. Let me put Vic in the room with her. Set it up as a surprise but have the camera rolling. You shook that hornet's nest once. Haven't you been stung enough yet? It's not an accusation. And if the girl's lying, what's the harm? - Keep it contained. - Good, I'll keep Billings out of it. Rahid Moore. How do we find him? - I don't know anyone by that name. - That's right. You're the PTA mom from Eagle Rock. Husband, two kids. Weird we found your number in Rahid's apartment on the shitty side of the freeway. A guy with two distribution arrests? Had three stars by your name. Your husband know you're on the spike? I don't know what you're talking about. - Bitch to hide, ain't it. - Hey. Gotta work real hard to hide that secret. - Stop. - Let me see. Where do you shoot up? On your ankle? - Between the toes? - Get off me. Tell me where to find Rahid. Stop. I'm getting to the good part. Nice scab marks. Your husband knows otherwise you're one frustrated gal when it comes to oral pleasures. - Stop it. - Then tell me what I need to know. Don't tell Jeffrey. I'm gonna tell him, your kids, your friends. I'm even gonna tell the old lady who brings cookies to the PTA meetings. Sure is getting hot in here. Okay. Hey, this stops now, you understand? - What? - This Tina bullshit. This isn't high school. Too bad. I heard she was gonna ask you to the Sadie Hawkins dance. Hey, how's the Quick-Mealer business going? The machines are still here. You're still lining your pocket on the department's dime. - Waited for you to throw it in my face. - I'll do more. I'll throw it in IAD's face. Why? I gave you a little jab about Tina? Yes. But I'll make you a deal. You get those machines out of here today back off the Tina-and-me thing forever, I'll pretend it never happened. You know that partner vibe we had, catching the runaway rapist? That had a shelf life of about 48 hours. - What's IAD's number again? - All right. All right. But this is gonna take some doing. And you are gonna have to cover my ass for the rest of the day. You guys ever think about putting some doors in here? You're in charge. See what you can do. - What now? - He texts with a number and a time. Each number means a different location. - How long before he answers? - It depends on when he can meet. And your PTA schedule. I just don't understand what I'm... All the numbers are there in the file. Look it up. - Hey, Kevin. - Hi, Danny. This is Tina Hanlon. - The poster girl, right? - Yes. - Yeah. I'm Kevin Hiatt. - Nice to meet you. Tina. Nice to meet you. Tina, did you finish that filing yet? It's a three-week job, what do you think? You know, I'm your superior. When you talk to me, lose the tone. You thought it was tough with Julien? You ain't seen nothing yet. You gotta find a way to be better than you were otherwise you're gonna end up being our filing girl. When I was gone, I met a few people in some high places so I'm not exactly knocked over by the new stripes. I'm not a trainee here anymore, but I'll watch my tone. - But so will you. - Or what? Or explain why you can't get along with the face of the department. Hey, sweetheart. Everything okay, kiddo? Hey. You know what, let's go upstairs. All right, Cass, what's going on? I don't have to talk to him. You're causing your mom a lot of stress here, sweetie. Matty and Megan have a weekend planned with kids like them... I could stay with Olivia. Her parents said it's fine. - You're staying with me... - Or not. Let's talk about what's bothering you. Fine. My friend Brian, his dad's a lawyer, did a LexisNexis search on you. - I saw all the shit you've done. - What? The brutality complaints. The IAD guy thought you killed people. Oh, Cassidy... Listen to me. People say and write things and that doesn't mean that they're true, okay? That IAD cop got caught trying to frame your father. He's the one in jail now. I don't want to learn about life from you. - You have nothing to teach me. - I'll teach you some respect... Respect is earned. Cassidy. Whatever you've read, whatever you've heard, it's not the truth, honey. Like the baby you had with some other woman? I heard Mom talking on the phone with Grandma. She didn't know I was awake. Cassidy that's adult stuff. You don't have to concern yourself with that. You kept a secret that I have some baby brother I've never even seen? Rahid answered the text message. We got a location on him. - Vic. - What? Somebody says they've got information on Guardo Lima. - What information? - I had trouble following. You know that world. I'm buried. Can you talk to him? I'm busy right now. If it's about Lemansky, it could be important. Hey, Vic, let's go. I got a location on a suspect. If they're still around when I get back, I'll chat him up then. Valerie couldn't make it, but she sends her regards. Tell us why you ran out of your apartment with bags. - Don't you dump your trash? - Not the day after pickup. That's when the bins is empty. Emily Martin. She was in your apartment today. Never heard of her. So when her blood comes back off of your shoe you'll say you never stepped in it? You stabbed her, then you ran out and dumped the knife. And Johnnie Cochran ain't alive to represent you. - Do you know who this girl was, man? - You mean her daddy? - Yeah. - Some big, important city dude. VIPs get quick police response. We're gonna hand over his daughter's killer and they're gonna make an example of you. I let her suck my dick, so what? But that sure as hell don't mean I killed her. Aside from your personality is there any reason why Emily would play with you? She needed fuel for the needle. Didn't have the money to keep herself mellow so she started paying another dude with pussy. - What dude? - Snail. He moves some shit for me over in Brentwood. He brought her around a couple times. Girl was smart enough to cut out the middleman, go directly to the source. - How did Snail feel about that? - White boy's a control freak. I mean, he got her on the shit, then he started rationing it out. Thought he could keep the pussy on a leash. Did you see him kill Emily? I heard something. By the time I got outside, she was already done. I knew y'all was gonna be crawling all over so I stuck my stash in the trash and stepped outside. Pat yourself on the back later. Right now you're gonna tell us where Snail is, right? I'll tell you something else. That girl she had no love for her pops. - What's with the Martin murder? - Getting to a dark place. - Meaning? - Daughter was an addicted whore. Paid for her drugs with pussy and mouth favours. Other than that, she was Pippi Longstocking. - That's a lot to get between. - He's a friend of the department's... But if this thing's uncontrollable there's no sense in you getting burned too. We need to appear loyal. If the press gets the information, that's out of our control. Martin can have somewhere else to focus. Someone's gotta take the heat, right? - Anything I should know about? - Nothing we can't handle. Don't let these people influence you. Follow where it leads, but the VIP key's only gonna open so many doors. Got it? Now's the time to be taking notes. - Hey, Vic. - Excuse me. Shane logged in 73 grenades that night, like we remembered. - Talk to the bomb squad? - Like paperwork. Had a rookie count them all by hand. Seventy-three. All accounted for. Shit. You know, I'm an asshole. I doubted Lem, now Shane. I'm a complete asshole, man. No. We just wanted answers. - This is a good one to get. - Maybe Shane's right. Maybe we got all the answers we're gonna have. Hey, Danny. Got a minute? Of course. What's up? - My daughter knows about Lee. - Oh, Jesus. How? She heard Corrine talking on the phone. Look, no offence, but she may be your ex but that lady's been a real pain in my ass. No, look. Vic, I chose to do this alone for a reason. I don't need a hassle here. This isn't people in the Barn, this is my daughter. Yeah, well, I never wanted you to get involved. Not you, not your ex, not your kids. I've learned as a parent that things don't go as we planned, do they? So now what? - What's going on? - I don't know. Vic and I got the front. You guys come in from the back. - Let's go. - Cross over here. Wait. Wait, wait. - Shit! - That's a.45. - Yeah. - Vests aren't gonna be worth shit. Hit it. I go. Hiatt, I got him! Don't move! - Are you hit? - No! I'm not hit, bitch! - I'm taking this guy in alone. - What? You know the situation. No way you can walk away clean. So, screw them. What does a city controller do? Eliminates the Strike Team. This guy shot at both you and Hiatt. Shane's right. We can't walk a guy into the cage that shot at cops without messing up his hair. It's a bad message. Martin's a friend of the department. That means money, cops. We have to consider it. The captain said we didn't have to worry. - She doesn't have all the pieces. - We got the suspect. Take this guy in. That's what I'll do, just alone. I'm not comfortable with that. Look, we're gonna get squeezed whatever we do. Maybe I can figure a way around it, but if not, I'll take the hit. For us? Why? I'm out at the end of the month. There's nothing else they can do. Maybe I should take him in. Look, you guys all have something to lose. Now maybe there's a compromise to be worked out but you guys aren't the ones to be compromised. He needs to show up at the Barn looking the same way. I won't mess up a hair on his little head. You brought the knife, followed the girl. Death penalty's a slam dunk. I can make it so you can avoid all that. Maybe even see the light of day again. What are you talking about? You know who Emily's father is? Well, the family wants to avoid embarrassment. You just gotta be willing to tell the right story. Yeah? What's the right story? Good boy. Bring him up to Interrogation. How'd you like to walk out of here with no charges? I'd like that very much. Stick around, I'll tell you how. Hey. You're back. Any word on the lab results? They promised me by the end of business day. - That woman's still here. - What woman? - The one with information on Guardo. - Right. She's stuck around this long. - Yeah, okay. - Thanks. - She's in Interrogation 1. - Got it. Guardo never came back. Guardo's a mysterious guy. Did you do something to him? I never even saw him. - What happened to Salceda? - He must've got away. I heard from people in Mexico. They said Guardo came back to L.A. I heard the same thing. I wish I caught him. I don't understand. We heard that Salceda wanted to kill Guardo. We didn't know if it was true. Guardo was a suspect in the murder of a cop, so I didn't give a shit. - So you lied to me, kept me prisoner. - No. I told you you could leave whenever you wanted. The smart thing was to stay. All the stuff Guardo did, it was only a matter of time. You're lucky he didn't drag you down with him. Why don't we get Kavanaugh out, have me investigated again? Witness protection? Sounds more like kidnapping to me. All right, I wanted Guardo. I heard about Salceda on the street, so I used it. I would have used anything to get him. To bring him in for Lem's death. The Mexicans got to him first. - You did all this based on a rumour? - Yeah, I did. And if I'd ignored that rumour and Nydia got killed by that guy you'd be asking me a lot tougher questions right now. So you never found Guardo? - No, I didn't. - She seems convinced you did. For all we know, Guardo could've sent her to make us think that he's dead just to throw us off his track. For chrissake, she's in love with a guy who blows up kids. You're trying to show people why you should stay. This escapade looks like another reason why you should go. Guardo was killed by the Mexicans. Don't believe me, talk to Hernan. Tell me how to contact him and I will. Help close the books on the girlfriend's accusations. Ask Hiatt. - You caught the man that killed Emily? - Yeah. I think you know what your daughter was into when she died. She was an addict. I tried to help her, but she wouldn't take it. I cut her off. I thought it'd keep her from buying more. Do you know what your daughter did to get drugs? She threw it in my face, trying to get more money from me. Well, it was all true. But that's not how history has to read. Thank you. I mean, there are some things I can't fake. The ME's gonna find that heroin in her system. I'll take care of that. I've got an appeals hearing in a couple weeks. They're gonna decide whether to force me out or not. Oh. I'll see what I can do. Must be good to be king. Snail dealt for me a little. He was in over his head. Told me about this girl that tried to get him out of the life. Shame. Just trying to get him to stop selling drugs. Guess she was a real nice girl. Emily found out I was dealing. She wanted me to quit. She followed me to Rahid's apartment, tried to stop me from buying. Kept pressing me hard in the elevator. I just lost it. She didn't deserve any of it. What's the problem? We shouldn't be playing God. God creates all men equal. But once they get out of the womb, he starts playing favourites. Is that Lem's lab report? Is it? Yeah. And the final autopsy report. - And... - Nothing much. No fingerprints, no DNA left behind. Let me see it. You think there's anyone who wants to solve Lem's murder more than me? There's crime scene photos and there's autopsy photos. Curtis was eviscerated from the waist down. Give me it. What report is this? This is new. That's Kavanaugh's last report. The deal he made when he came clean about you was full disclosure. - Hey, Kev. Can I ask you something? - Absolutely. - Hey. - Hey. Hey, Dutch. Hey, Tina. That project I gave you, you made a couple of mistakes. I'll show you before I leave. - Thanks. - Sure. - See you. - Bye. You remember asking me about Hernan that ICE agent in the Salvadoran organization? - Sure. - Did you guys get in touch with him? - Yeah. - How? It's easier to negotiate between federal agencies. - You're not a federal agent anymore. - No. No, not anymore. Careful with that. It's a sophisticated piece of machinery. I don't want to see dings. I gave it some thought. You wanna keep the machines, go ahead. Why? So you'll have it to hang over my head? - Yeah, that's right. - No, thanks. I'll pass. I can keep the leverage, or you can lose money. It's your call. Hey, guys, hang on a second. - Hey, Cassidy. - Hi. Come on in. This is Lee. What's his whole name? Lee Carson Sofer. Carson's my mom's maiden name. What's his birthday? On the second. Six-nineteen a.m. Do you want to hold him? Everything all right, Cass? No. I don't want to hold him. I just want to see. That's okay. Another time. - Hey. - Hey. Vic wants the three of us to meet. - When? - Right now. Portillo Autobody. He wants to walk Lem's crime scene, time of night that it happened. - See if there's anything the lab missed. - Lab report came in? - Yeah. - Anything useful? I don't think so. You want to ride together? I got to finish this paperwork on our stabbing. - I'll be five minutes behind you. - Cool. - I'll see you there. - Yeah. Yeah. - He's on his way. - Good. You sure you don't want me? No. Keep your distance. Okay. - Hey. Want to wait for Ronnie or what? - No. We can get started. Okay. Read the report. - Yeah? What'd it say? - Nothing new. No prints, no forensics. Well, Guardo was smart. - He's careful. - Not careful enough to escape us. No. Not that. Guardo didn't kill Lem. I tortured him, shot him, burned his body, and he didn't kill Lem. - We were right there with you. - Yeah. I know. But Guardo didn't do it. The Salvadorans, they wanted to stay off our radar. They didn't even kill Emolia when they found out she snitched. Well, maybe some Salvadoran rogue banger. What, who killed Lem with a grenade, left no trace and disappeared like a ghost? I don't think so. It wasn't One-Niners looking for Antwon revenge. Made a fool of myself up at Lompoc finding that one out. I asked Ronnie to check if you logged all the grenades that night at the bust. You counted 73 at the house and there are 73 sitting in the evidence locker right now. Which means you pocketed a grenade before Aceveda even lied to us about Lem ratting us out. You lied to us at the bust about the count, you... Before I even started to question Lem, you were looking for a way to shut him up to make it look Salvadoran. - Don't even go there, man. - You were the last to get to the meet. - You couldn't lose your tail? - Right. - Well, did you try? - As much as I could. We couldn't look suspicious, remember? Kavanaugh wrote another report. Part of his deal. He was shorthanded that night. Just him and one other guy. Stop right there, Vic. - It's not good where you're going, man. - Just him and one other guy. So he followed me and Ronnie. So, what? You dropped a grenade in his lap and what did you do, just run? I did what I thought had to be done at the time. Oh, God. - I know, man. - Oh, God. - I know. I know. - Oh... You piece of shit! You made that decision on your own? He wouldn't go to Mexico. I told him about the goat farm, about the way out. About the money that we were gonna send him. You said if he wouldn't take the ride, we'd know he turned. - He didn't turn! - I know that now! We said we'd look him in the eye and have the truth. - And he never turned on us. - We couldn't afford to take that chance. You think this has been easy for me? - Carrying all this alone? - For you? - Lem! - It was an impossible situation. - It was either him or the rest of us. - Bullshit! Look, I was protecting you and Ronnie from it. If he would've gone to jail like he wanted he would've been killed by Antwon or turned by Kavanaugh. You know that. I don't know that. He was strong. You killed him because you were scared. - He was strong, and you were a coward. - Look, I was being strong for all of us. And I am not a coward. Yeah, you were. You were when you sat by and watched me tear Guardo apart for something you did. Jesus Christ, what did you turn me into? - He was an asshole murderer! - I'm not an executioner! - Tell that to Terry's family. - That's different. That son of a bitch, he was a traitor. Lem was my friend. He was mine too. You think you're looking at me through some window. All you're doing is looking in a mirror. You and I, we're nothing alike. - I would never... - You did. More than once. So let's at least tell the truth now. Lem's gone. I would have spared Lem. And I stepped up and put Lem down so you can go to bed believing that. You didn't come to me. You didn't talk to me. We didn't decide, and it's too late. There was no time. I didn't know if Kavanaugh was gonna pick us up. If you weren't sure... If you weren't sure, you should've taken that chance that he was still with us. You owed him that chance. I had to kill my friend, and you know why. Look, it's taken me a while, but you'll learn how to accept it, man... I will never accept that! I will never accept that! I'm not gonna fight you. I'm not gonna fight you. Ronnie's not even coming, is he? What, you tell him, look me in the eye, find the truth? What, you're so goddamn psychic why didn't you know that Aceveda lied about Lem? I mean, all I was doing was following your game plan, coach. You killed my friend. Then you almost let Kavanaugh send me away for it. I never would've let it come to that. You let me kill Guardo without opening your mouth. I had the chance to pull the trigger on you before. I didn't do it, and Lem lost his life because of it. Lem would've broken. I took it on myself the way that you took it off of us for Terry. Look, you're gonna learn to be okay with it. Man, you just need a little time. You and me, we're all out of time. Lem's case is still open. I hope they catch you. I hope they do. I hope everybody knows what you did. You don't get to do what you did for free. You're gonna pay that bill. What, you gonna give Dutch a little push in my direction? Maybe when they got me they'll have time to look into who killed Terry. That's old business. And all you've got is hearsay. Our entire lives are hearsay, Vic. All the shit we've done. And I've got a lot more on you than you've got on me. Get in your truck, drive away. Leave here before I kill you. No, you won't. We've already been through all that. Before, you didn't blow Lem in half with a grenade. I see you again, I will kill you. Goddamn hypocrite. Previously on The Shield... He's got a gun! Grenades. We gotta go get Lem. He doesn't show, assume he made the deal. They're gonna make you give us up. Shane? Grenades. El salvadorans. The leader's missing. His name is Guardo. Start there. We're gonna find out who did this, and we're gonna kill 'em. Why am I trusting you? If you care about Guardo, you'll play it my way. Just let Nydia go. She's how we're gonna get to Guardo. You know, maybe he didn't do it, man. - If it wasn't Guardo, who was it? - Look at him, man! Tilly, we know about you and Shane. He's in the hospital. You stepped out and now you're spreading your legs for Shane? Her old man got the drop on me. Some black bitch called on your phone. Is that who you're banging while I got morning sickness? Get out! What do you know about a guy named Hernan? He's a Fed', undercover, in a salvadoran organization. Who are you? We're on the same side. Who are less in trouble, the salvadorans or the mexicans? I guess Guardo is collateral damage. Prick blew up a friend of mine. What, that cop? Guardo didn't do that. The word came down. No distractions. Shit, Guardo wasn't even up here then. He was in Mexico with me. Our son can never know what I've done. I killed Lem. Please forgive me. Please. I can't... I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. Please just ask me back. Who's got it? Eye's up! Nobody wants to talk. Don't look at me! Somebody's got it. Can't do nothing in this place. All right, ladies. This ain't your first time at the dance. You know the drill. Drop 'em. Oh, yeah, pretty boy. You got a lot to think about. Take your time. Not you. Hurry up! Come on, move! I want your shoes. I want your pants, your shirts. Neat little piles. Is he alone? From the sound of it, it's a do not disturb. Yeah. Come in. What is it, Benny? You have a visitor, Antwon. What does Rene look like here? I know. I'm sorry. I know my visitor can't be half as fine as Rene. Ain't that right, baby? Better be right. Some white cop from L.A. He's pressing the warden about seeing you right away. Give me 2 shakes. And shut that damn dog up. Now I ain't got time for sweet nothings, baby. You gonna have to show me what the good God gave you right now. Come here. My day just gets sunnier and sunnier. How's life in prison? Much better now that Kavanaugh went down for framing you. Got my privileges back. I didn't know we still had business together. You mean since my guy, who you put a hit out on, got a grenade in his lap? I heard about that. Gotta give somebody points for creativity. Yeah. You. I know you've been wanting your pound of flesh from me, waiting for Lem to come into jail. But he ran, so you had your guys on the outside find him, kill him. Make it look salvadoran. One time offer. Tell me who it was on the outside who offed Lem, punishment will be limited to them. You don't give me all their names right now, I will start tearing up your gang from the outside and I will start tearing at your perks from the inside and I promise you, I swear to God, I will find a way, no matter how many guards you have on your payroll, to get to you inside here. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my final encore. Making the great Vic Mackey think I'm everyone... and everywhere. Responsible for all the worst crimes against humanity. It's sad, really. You know, chasing ghosts hasn't done you any favors. I didn't off your boy. Wished I did, and so do you. 'cause if you're coming after me for this, that means you lost... your last clue. Good seeing you, though. He says, daddy, I got a boo-boo. - Shane! - But my boo-boo's on the inside. - Oh! - I talk to you later. - When'd you get in, man? - About 10 minutes ago. We got a problem. What? Guardo didn't kill Lem. No one in the salvadoran organization did. What? Took a flyer at Antwon, too. 1-9ers are a no go. We're back to square one. No, Guardo's in a bunch of charred pieces and crispy... He didn't do it. We got credible intel. From who? A federal I.C.E. agent working undercover with the salvadorans. So now the Fed's have the final say? You know how many times they've lied to us to keep us from playing in their backyard? Doesn't feel like that. So he's the rare Fed' that lies well. Look, we finished this. There's nothing more to find out, all right? Hey, Dutch, where are we with Lem's case? Holding pattern. Still working on finding Guardo. Guardo's a dead end. I got it right from Hernan. You met with Hernan? I.C.E. Told me I couldn't get a sitdown. What's the lab report say? It's not back yet. It's due. I got a dead cop and no suspect at the moment. You think you could light a fire under their bunsen burner? Yeah. Maybe. Yeah? Did something happen last weekend when you had Cassidy? Something to upset her? No. Why? Well, she says she won't stay with you next weekend when I go to San Francisco with Mattie and Megan for the cure autism now rally. Why not? She doesn't want to talk about it. I've already got the hotel reservations, the plane tickets. I'll talk to her. Whatever it is, we'll fix it. In the meantime, I'm stuck here. You think you could drive Cassidy over here later? She won't talk to you. Well, that's not up to her. I'll talk to you later. We're running a list of ex-military felons in the area. Maybe they got Lem's grenade from uncle Sam. Uh, interesting reading? Just checking out real estate prices. Trying to see what this house Mara and I are fixing up is gonna be worth. You wanna jump in on this Lem thing anywhere? It's a waste of time. We settled this. We can't be sure. This I.C.E. agent, he has no reason to lie to us. You were sure enough to put a bullet in Guardo before he confessed, and I trusted you then that we knew everything we were ever going to know about that happened. And you did what you had to do. We all did. Now just put this in the rearview mirror. Stop asking questions that there are no answers to. Whatever funk he was in seems over. He seems at peace with it. I don't know how I can be until I know for sure. When we took down that stash of grenades the night that Lem died, Shane did the con solo, right? Vic, come on. Did you see anything weird that night? About Lem? The night... No. No. He did say, um... When Kavanaugh's frameup job was going and things looked really bad, he said something like... What if he said he had a grenade from the bust and he was with Lem and it went off accidentally? I just took it as him want to lie to get you off. What did you say? I said it wouldn't help and he'd be admitting aiding and abetting. What did he say? Nothing. You don't remember Shane's count on grenades that night? Not here. At the salvadoran house? Jesus, Vic, I don't want to think like that. Do you rember the count or not? Write it down. What do you have? 73, like the home run record. We gotta run a check. What are we saying here? All we're saying is... As soon as we can... The first chance you get, you... you're gonna... quietly confirm that Shane logged in 73 grenades and that all 73 grenades are still sitting there nice and neat in the bomb squad evidence locker. Chasing Ghosts Morning. Mind if I take one of these? Was this Lem's? I'm sorry. I didn't... No, no, no. It's all right. You're part of the team now. No reason it should go empty. Trust me. If i'm wrong, I'll buy you a beer. Hey, there, gentlemen. Well, someone had a good night. Pregnancy sex is the best kind. Give you something to look forward to. Thanks. I'll give Mara a call. Just the crew I'm looking for. Got a body in an apartment building on colby. Young woman. 20. Stabbed. We taking straight up homicides now? Victim's Emily Martin. Daughter of the city controller Robert Martin. The guy that's got his fingers on the city's purse strings. That's our special touch. A lot of people will be watching. Aceveda called himself to ask for extra manpower. Just rember who you work for. These high profile cases are just one big invitation to get ass reamed by the bosses. So let's get it done and get out of the spotlight. Let's try not to get ass reamed. Well, it wasn't a robbery. The extent of the wounds? Someone gave her an O.J. shave. A long way from daddy's wave of power. Maybe she got tired of the west side. You guys know the drill. Look for nosy neighbors. Something there. Maybe a shoe print. Good work, eagle eye. I knew they bumped him up for a reason. Come on. Let's start over here. Police. Open up. Hey, there's the poster girl. Looking good, Tina. Bow down to the poster girl. Man, I guess wet dreams can come true. Hey, how you doing? I'm good. How are you? Good. I called you a couple of times. Is everything copacetic? Yeah. Well, you heard about the transfer. They basically wanted me in some P.R. role. talking in schools, recruitment meetings, things like that. You mean the poster. Yeah, that's all that was. But I got to meet a couple of people up at the chief's office and convinced 'em that I could represent the force better out in the streets. Well, I think you belong here. Dutch, there's a woman in the lobby who wants to talk to a detective. Uh, Steve's free. She said actually that it's about Guardo Lima. That's your suspect in Lem's murder case, right? Uh, yeah. Excuse me. Tina, welcome back. We should talk about your new assignment. Ok. You heard that Julian's on the Strike Team, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. So who am I riding with? Well, for now, me. Is that a problem? No, no. You're a Sergeant now, and Sergeants don't get out that much. That's ok. I'm gonna keep you real busy. It's only temporary. You have information about Guardo Lima? He's missing. Something bad's happened. When was the last time you spoke to him? He hasn't called me in over a week. Well, that doesn't necessarily mean anything's wrong. We talk every day. He loves me. No one has seen or heard from him. Was it Salseda? Who's Salseda. A mexican. He's the one who wanted to take over the business Guardo ran. That cop knows all about it. He's the one who told me that Salseda wanted to kill Guardo. OK, which cop? I'm the one they had in protective custody, so don't pretend you don't know what i'm talking about. Kevin Hiatt, this is Robert and Patricia Martin. Kevin's heading up the team that's doing the investigation. I'm sorry about your loss. Thank you. The Martins are friends of the department and I told them I'd be their go-between. Emily was a beautiful, wonderful young woman. Do you know what she was doing in this part of town? Our daughter didn't deserve this, and my wife doesn't deserve to be put through anything else. Of course. Give me a second. The Martins are dealing with a tragedy. Lots of people might try to paint this a certain way, so we can't let anybody sully this girl's reputation. Yeah, sure. Hey, witness says he saw his neighbor Rahid Moore hurrying out carrying 2 trash bags. 6 flights up, he still took the stairs. People say he's loud. Gets visitors all night long. When they've asked him to keep it down, he's made threats. Apartment's right over here. Let's pay a visit. - Uh, Vic? - What's the problem? Aceveda and the old man want us to keep the daughter clean. We don't even know what we're supposed to be hiding yet. Hiding, hmm? I'll help you figure that out. Just keep it to yourself for now. Look, city controller on one side, Claudette's moral code on the other. So whoever you screw, you get cut off at the knees. Fantastic. Trust me. There's a way out. There always is. First we find out the truth. Then we figure out what to do. Late night visitors means late night customers. He packed up his stash and got out of dodge. If Rahid had a parking spot, the building will have his plate. I'll get it on the wire. Anything? Think so. Phone numbers. Good. Call 'em in. See if you can get some names to go with those numbers. Hey, Vic. Found this under the bed. Guy must have need a boost for the road. Or daddy's little girl did. They came and got me one night about a week ago. Took me to this safe house 'cause they told me I was in danger. From Salseda? I just want to find Guardo. Could you look for him? Please? He's supposed to be in Mexico, isn't he? The main one said that Salseda would try to kidnap me to get leverage on Guardo. And then they'd just, what, let you go? This one? He said that Guardo never came back to L.A., that they caught Salseda. Then he dropped me off. They know what happened to Guardo. They know if someone killed him. Her time frame puts all this during Vic's personal days off. I understand the time frame. Vic had Guardo on the phone. Nydia confirms it. And there's no Salseda in the department's records with any connection with the salvadorans or the cartel. We are not gonna accuse Mackey of murder and be wrong again. Let me put Vic in the room with her. I'll set it up as a surprise, but I'll let the camera roll. You shook that hornet's nest once. Haven't you been stung enough yet? It's not an accusation, and if the girl's lying, what's the harm? Keep it contained. Good. I'll keep Billings out of it. Rahid Moore. How do we find him? I don't know anyone by that name. That's right. You're the P.T.A. mom from eagle rock. Husband, two kids. Weird we found your number in Rahid's apartment on the shity side of the freeway. The guy with two distribution arrests. Had three stars by your name. Your husband know you're on the spike? I don't know what you're talking about. - Bitch to hide, ain't it? - Hey! Got to work real hard to hide that secret. Stop! Let me see. Where you shoot up, on your ankle? - Between the toes? - Get off me! Tell me where to find Rahid. Stop. I'm getting to the good part. Whew. Nice scab marks. Your husband knows. Otherwise, you're one frustrated gal when it comes to the oral pleasures of life. Stop it. Then tell me what I need to know. Don't tell Jeffrey? I'm gonna tell him, your kids, your friends. I'm even gonna tell the little old lady who brings the cookies to the P.T.A. meetings. Sure is getting hot in here. OK. Hey, hey. This stops now, you understand? What? This Tina bullshit. This isn't high school. You know, that's too bad, because I heard she was gonna ask you to the sadie hawkins dance. Hey, how's the quick meter business going? The machines are still here, which means you're still lining your pocket on the department's dime, right? I've been waiting for you to throw it in my face. I'm gonna do more than that. I'm gonna throw it in I.A.D.'s face. Why, 'cause I gave you a little jab about Tina? Yes. But I'll make you a deal. You get those machines out of here today, you back off the Tina and me thing forever, and I'll pretend it never happened. Remember that real partner vibe we had going catching the runway rapist? That had a shelf life of about what, 48 hours? - What's I.A.D.'s number again? - All right. All right. But this is gonna take some doing. Now I have to cover my ass for the rest of the day. You guys ever think about putting some doors in here? You're in charge. See what you can do. What now? He texts me back with a number and a time. Each number means a different location. How long before he answers? It depends on when he can meet. And your P.T.A. schedule. I just don't understand where this is supposed to go. All the numbers are right there in the file. Just look it up. Hey, Kevin. Hi, Danny. This is Tina Hanlon. - Poster girl, right? - Yes. Yeah. I'm Kevin Hiatt. Nice to meet you. Tina. Nice to meet you. Tina, did you finish that filing yet? It's a three week job. What do you think? You know, I'm your superior. When you talk to me, lose the tone. You thought it was tough with Julian, you ain't seen nothing yet. You've got to find a way to be better than you were. Otherwise, you're gonna end up being our permanent filing girl. When I was gone, I met a few people in some high places, so I'm not exactly knocked over by the new stripes. I'm not a trainee here anymore. I'll watch my tongue, but so will you. Or what? Or you'll have to explain why you can't get along with the new face of the department. Hey, sweetheart. Everything ok, kiddo? Hey. You know what? Let's go upstairs. All right, Cass. What's going on? I don't have to talk to him. Look, you're causing your mom a lot of stress here, sweetie. Mattie and Megan have a beautiful weekend planned with a bunch of kids just like... I could stay with Falovia. Her parents said it's fine. Hey, you're staying with me. Or not. Let's talk about what's bothering you. Fine. My friend Brian, his dad's a lawyer, did a "Lexis/Exis" search on you. I saw all the shit you've done. What? The brutality complaints. The I.A.D. guy thought you killed people. Oh, Cassidy. Listen to me. People say things and write things. That does mean that they're true, ok? That I.A.D. cop got caught trying to frame your father. He's the one in jail now. I don't want to learn about life from you. You have nothing to teach me. Hey, I'll teach you some respect. Respect, is earned. Cassidy... Whatever you've read, whatever you've heard, it's not the whole truth, honey. Like the baby you had with some other woman? I heard mom taking on the phone with grandma. She didn't know I was awake. Cassidy... That's adult stuff. You don't have to concern yourself with that right now. You kept a secret that I have some baby brother i've never even seen? Vic, Rahid answered the text message. We got a location. - Vic? - What? Somebody upstairs say they've got information on Guardo Lima. What kind of information? I had trouble following it. You know that world better than I do. I'm buried. Can you talk to him? I'm kind of busy right now. Well, if it's about Lemansky's murder, it could be important. Hey, Vic, let's go. I got a location on a murder suspect. If they're still around when I get back, i'll chat 'em up then. Valerie couldn't make it, but she sends her regards. You want to tell us why you ran out of your apartment with 2 trash bags? Don't you dump your trash? Not the day after pickup. That's when the bins is empty. Emily Martin. She was in your apartment today. Never heard of her. So when her blood comes back off the bottom of your shoe, you gonna tell us you never stepped in it? You stabbed her, then you ran out and dumped the knife, and Johnnie Cochran ain't alive to represent you. Do you know who this girl was, man? You mean her daddy? Yeah. Some big, important city dude. Vips get quick police response. Now, we're gonna hand over his daughter's killer, and they're gonna make an example out of you. I let her suck my dick. So what? That sure as hell don't mean I killed her. Aside from your winning personality, is there any other reason why Emily would want to play head games with you? She need fuel for the needle. Didn't have the money to keep herself mellow, so she started paying another dude with some mouth and pussy. What dude? Snail. He moved some shit for me over in Brentwood. I brought her around a couple times. What can I say? The girl was smart enough to cut out the middleman and go directly to the source. How did snail feel about that? White boy's a control freak. He got on the shit, then started rationing it out. Thought he could keep the pussy on a leash. You see him kill Emily? I heard something. By the time I got outside, she was already done. And I knew y'all was gonna be crawling all over the place, so I stuck my stash in the trash and stepped outside. Pat yourself on the back later. Right now you're gonna tell us where Snail is. Right? I'll tell you something else. That girl... She had no love for her pops. What's the latest with the Martin murder? Getting to a dark place. Meaning? The daughter was a heroin addicted whore. Paid for her drugs with pussy and mouth favors. Other than that, she was pippi longstocking. That's a lot to get between. He's a friend of the department's, but... But if this thing's uncontrollable, there's no sense in you getting burned, too. We need to appear loyal. But if the press gets ahold of the information, that's out of our control. Martin can have somewhere else to focus his anger. Someone's gotta take the heat, right? Anything I should know about? Nothing we can't handle. Don't let these people influence you. Follow the case where it leads. The VIP key's only gonna open so many door. You got it? Now's the time to be taking notes. - Hey, Vic. - Excuse me. Shane logged in 73 grenades that night just like we rembered. You talked to the bomb squad? It seemed like a paperwork thing. Had a rookie count 'em all by hand. 73. All accounted for. Oh shit. You know I'm an asshole, first I doubt of Lem, now Shane. I'm a complete asshole, man. No, we just wanted answers. This is a good one to get. Maybe Shane's right. Maybe we got all the answers we're gonna have. Hey, Danny, got a minute? Of course. What's up? My daughter knows about Lee. Oh, Jesus. How? She heard Corrine talking on the phone. Look, no offense, but she may be your ex, but that lady's been a real pain in my ass. Now, look, Vic, I chose to do this alone for a reason, ok? I don't need a hassle around here. This isn't people in the barn. This is my daughter. Yeah, well, I never wanted you to get involved. Not you, not your ex, not your kids. I've learned as a parent that things don't go as we planned. Do they? So now what? Vic and I got the front. You guys come in from around the back. Ok, let's go. Wait. Wait, wait! What? Shit! That's a .45. These vests aren't gonna be worth shit. Hit it! Go! Get down! Hiatt, I got him! Don't move! Are you hit? No. I'm not hit. Bitch! I'm taking this guy in alone. What? You know the situation. There's no way you can walk away from it clean. So screw. What the hell's the city controller even do, anyway? Eliminates the Strike Team with the stroke of a pen. This guy took shots at both you and Hiatt. Shane's right. We can't walk the guy into the cage who took shots at cops without messing up his hair some. It sends a bad message. Martin's a friend of the department. That means more money, more cops, so we have to consider it. Look, the Captain said we didn't have to worry about that. She doesn't have all the pieces. We got the suspect. Let's just take this guy in. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm just doing it alone. No! I'm not comfortable with that. Look, we're gonna get squeezed whatever we do. Maybe I can figure a way around it. But if not, I'll take the hit. For the rest of us? Why? Because I'm out of here at the end of the month. There's nothing else they can do to me. Listen, maybe I should take him in. Look, you guys all have something to lose. Now, maybe there's a compromise to be worked out, but you guys aren't the ones to be compromised. He needs to show up back at the barn looking the same way he looks now. Won't mess up a hair on his little head. You brought the knife. You followed the girl. Death penalty's a slam dunk. I can make it so you could avoid all that. Maybe even see the light of day again. What are you talking about? You know who Emily's father is? Well, the family wants to avoid embarrassment. You just gotta be willing to tell the right story. Yeah? What's the right story? Good boy. Detroit, bring him up to interrogation. How'd you like to walk out of here with no charges? I'd like that very much. Step around. I'll tell you how. Hey, you're back. Any word on the lab results? They promised me by the end of business day. Uh, that woman's still here. What woman? The one with information on Guardo Lima. Oh, right. She's stuck around this long. Uh... Yeah. Ok. Thanks. She's in interrogation one. Got it. Guardo never came back. Guardo's a mysterious guy. Did you do something to him? I never even saw him. What happened to Salseda? He must have got away. I heard from people in Mexico. They said Guardo came back to L.A. I heard the same thing. I only wish I'd caught him. I don't understand. We heard a rumor that Salseda wanted to kill Guardo. We didn't know if it was true but, Guardo was a suspect in the murder of a cop, so I didn't give a shit. So you lied to me? You kept me prisoner? No. I told you you could leave whenever you wanted. The smart thing was to stay. All the stuff Guardo did, it's only a matter of time. You're lucky he didn't drag you down with him. Why don't we just get Kavanaugh out of jail? Have me investigated again? Witness protection? Sounds more like kidnapping to me. All right, I wanted Guardo. I heard about Salseda on the street, so I used it. I would have used anything I had to get him, to bring him in for Lem's death. But the mexicans got to him first. You did all this based on a rumor? Yeah, I did. If I had ignored that rumor and Nydia had got killed by that guy, you'd be asking me a lot tougher questions right now. So you never found Guardo? - No, I... - She seems convinced you did. For all we know, Guardo could have sent her here to make us think that he's dead, just to throw us off his track. Oh, for Christ sake. She's in love with a guy who blows up kids for a living. You're trying to show people why you should stay. This escapade looks like another reason why you should go. Guardo was killed by the mexicans. You don't believe me, talk to Hernan. Tell me how to contact him and I will. I'll close the books on the girlfriend's false accusations. Ask Hiatt. You caught the man that killed Emily? Yeah. I think you know what your daughter was into when she died. She was an addict. I tried to help her, but she wouldn't take it so I cut her off. I thought it would keep her from buying more. Do you know what your daughter was doing to get her drugs? She threw it in my face, trying to get more money from me. Well, it was all true. But that's not how history has to read. Thank you. I mean, there are some things I can't fake. The M.E.'s gonna find that heroin in her system. I'll take care of that. I've got an appeals hearing in a couple of weeks. They're going to decide whether to force me out or not. Well, I'll see what I can do. Must be good to be king. Snail dealt for me a little. He was in over his head. Told me about this girl that was trying to get him out of the life. Shame. Just trying to get him to stop selling drugs. Guess she was a real nice girl. Emily found out I was dealing, she wanted me to quit. She followed me up to Rahid's apartment, trying to stop me from buying. Kept pressing me hard in the elevator. I just lost it. She didn't deserve any of it. What's the problem? We shouldn't be playing God. God creates all men equal. Once they get out of the womb, he starts playing favorites. Is that Lem's lab report? Is it? Yeah, and the final autopsy report. And? Nothing much. No fingerprints. No DNA left behind. Well, let me see it. You think there's anyone who wants to solve Lem's murder more than me? There's crime scene photos and autopsy photos. Curtis was eviscerated from the waist down. Give me it. What report is this? This is new. That's Kavanaugh's last report. Part of the deal he made when he came clean about you was providing full disclosure. Hey, Kev, can I ask you something? Absolutely. Hey. Hey. Hey, Dutch. Hey, Tina. That project I gave you, you made a couple mistakes. Come on. I'll show you before I leave. - Thanks. - Sure. - See ya. - Bye. Did you ever ask me about Hernan, that I.C.E. agent in the salvadoran organization? Sure. Did you guys get in touch with him? - Yeah. - How? It's easier to negotiate between Federal Agencies. But, you're not a Federal Agent anymore. No. No, not anymore. Careful with that. It's a sophisticated piece of machinery. I don't want to see any dings in it. I gave it some thought. If you want to keep the machines, go ahead. Why, so you'll still have it to hand over my head? Yeah, that's right. No, thanks. I'll pass. I can keep the leverage or you can lose the money. It's your call. Hey, guys? Hang on a second. Hey, Cassidy. Come on in. This is Lee. What's his whole name? Lee carson sofer. Carson's my mom's maiden name. What's his birthday? On the second. 6:19 A.M. Do you want to hold him? Everything all right, Cass? No, I... I don't want to hold him. I just want to see. That's ok. Another time. Hey. Hey. Vic wants the three of us to meet. When? Right now. Portillo Auto Body. He wants to walk Lem's crime scene the time of night that it happened. See if there's anything the lab boys missed. Lab report came in? Yeah. Anything useful? I don't think so. You wanna ride together? I got to finish this paperwork on our stabbing. I'll be five minutes behind you. Cool. I'll, uh... See you there. Ok. Vic: Yeah? He's on his way. Good. You sure you don't want me to be there? No. Keep your distance. Ok. Hey. Wanna wait for Ronnie or what? No. We can get started. Ok. Read the report. Yeah? What'd it say? Nothing new. No prints. No forensics. Guardo was smart. He was careful. Not careful enough to escape us. No, not that. Guardo didn't kill Lem. I tortured him, shot him, and burned his body, and he didn't kill Lem. We were right there with you. Yeah. I know. But Guardo didn't do it. Salvadorans, they wanted to stay off our radar. They didn't even kill Emolia when they found out that she'd snitched. Well, maybe some salvadoran rogue banger... What, who killed Lem with a grenade, let no trace, and disappeared like a ghost? I don't think so. It wasn't 1-9ers looking for Antwon revenge. Made a fool of myself up at Lompoc finding that one out. So I asked Ronnie to check if you logged all the grenades that night at the bust. He counted 73 at the house, and there are 73 sitting there in the, bomb squad evidence locker right now. Which means... You pocketed a grenade before Aceveda even lied to us about Lem ratting us out? You lied to us at the bust about the count, you... Before I even started to question Lem, you were looking for a way to shut him up to make it look salvadoran? Don't even go there, man. You were the last one to get to the meet. You couldn't lose your tail, right? - That's right. - Well, did you try? As much as I could. I couldn't look too suspicious, remember? Kavanaugh wrote another report. Part of his deal. He was short-handed that night. Just him and one other guy. Stop right there, Vic. There's nothing good in where you're going... Just him and one other guy. So he followed me and Ronnie. So what? What did... You dropped a grenade in his lap? What did you do, just run? I did what I thought had to be done at the time. Oh, God. I know, man. Oh, God. I know. - Oh... - I know. Oh... You piece of shit! You made that decision on your own? He wouldn't go to Mexico. Oh! I told him about the goat farm. About the way out. About the money that we were going to send him. You said that if he wouldn't take the ride to Mexico, that we would know that he turned. - He didn't turn! - I know that now. We said that we would look him in the eye and we would have the truth. And he never turned on us. We couldn't afford to take that chance. You think this has been easy for me? Carrying all this alone? For you? Lem! It was an impossible situation. At the time, it was either him or the rest of us. Bullshit! Look, I was protecting you and ronnie from it. Look, if he would have gone to jail like he wanted, he would have been killed by Antwon or turned by Kavanaugh. Man, you know that. I don't know that. He was strong. You killed him because you were scared. He was strong and you were a coward! I was being strong for all of us, and I am not a coward. Yeah, you were. You were when you sat by and watched me tear Guardo apart for something you did. Jesus Christ, what did you turn me into? He's an asshole murder. I'm not an executioner! Well, go tell that to Terry's family. That's different. That son of a bitch, he was a traitor. Lem was my friend. He was mine, too. Look, you think you're looking at me through some window. And all you're really doing is looking in a mirror. You and I, we're nothing alike. I would never... Oh, you did. More than once. So let's at least tell the truth now. Lem's gone. I would have spared Lem. And I stepped up and put Lem down so you could go to bed at night believing that. You didn't come to me. You didn't talk to me. We didn't decide, and now it's too late. There was no time. I didn't know if Kavanaugh was going to swoop down and pick us up at any second. If you weren't sure... If you weren't sure, you should have taken that chance that he was still with us. You owed him that chance! I had to kill my friend, and you know why. Look, it's taken me a while, but you're gonna learn how to accept it, man. I will never accept that! I will never accept that! I'm not gonna fight you. I'm not gonna fight you. Ronnie's not even coming, is he? What, you told him you were gonna look me in the eye, find out the truth? Are you so god damn psychic? Why didn't you know that Aceveda was lying about Lem, huh? I mean, all I was doing was following your game plan, coach. You killed my friend. Then you almost let Kavanaugh send me away for it. I never would have let it come to that. You let me kill Guardo without opening your god damn mouth! I had the change to pull the trigger on you once before. I didn't do it, and Lem lost his life because of it. Lem would have broken. I took it on myself the way that you took it off of us for Terry. Vic, you're gonna learn to be ok with it. Man, you just need a little time. You and me, we're all out of time. Lem's case is still open. I hope they catch you. I hope they do. I hope everybody knows what you did. You don't get to do what you did for free. You're gonna pay that bill. What, you gonna give Dutch a little push in my direction? Well, maybe when they got me, they'll have a little time to look into who killed Terry. That's old business, and all you got is hearsay. Our entire lives are hearsay, Vic. All the shit we've done. And I've got a hell of a lot more on you than you've got on me. Get in your truck. Drive away. Leave here before I kill you. No, you won't. We've already been through all that. Before? You didn't blow lem in half with a grenade. I see you again, I will kill you. God damn hypocrite. Subs by pabloech What class do you wanna take? Oh, anything that doesn't have the word "strip," "salsa," or "beatz" with a Z in the name of it. Cardio Hip-Hop Groove it is then. Hey, what's up? Hey! Nothing, just... going into the same class you're going into. Cool. That's a flower guy. Hey, I hope I don't sweat on you. You can sweat on me. This is my girlfriend, Liz Lemler. Hi! That's Liz Lemon. Oh, the girl who got my flowers. Yes. Hope you enjoyed them. I did--actually, I finally just threw them out this morning 'cause they got that really bad flower smell. I kind of couldn't stop smelling them. Advanced hip-hop! You ready, here we go! Here we go, take it-- five, six, seven, and... One, huh! Hup, yeah! Uh! Whoo! Turn it! Don't give up, ponytail. Come on, you got this. Lemon, come here, you've gotta see this. It's a video of a baby panda... sneezing. Sit here. Don't watch the mother, just watch the baby. That is the cutest thing I've ever seen. Isn't that adorable? You have to fire 10% of your staff. What? We're synergizing backward overflow. I don't write the policy, Lemon, I only enforce it. No, but I've never fired anybody in my life. It's an acquired skill. I'm not trying to make your life miserable, but this is coming from the top. Now, there are 140 people on this show, so go out there and make 126 people very happy. No, I don't think I can do that. Everyone that works at this show is indispensable. Marco. Polo! Marco! Polo! Polo! Polo! Josh, you suck at this game, man. 10%? I can't fire any of these people. Who cares? Getting fired is better than getting killed by my wife. Those big farm people hands crushing' my windpipe. Everything okay at home, buddy. Remember that little secret I told you about Hornberger family planning? You mean that you flat-out lied about getting a vasectomy? Don't tell me that backfired. She's late now. And she's starting to ask questions. Oh, boy. Do you need a key to my apartment? Just for my own safety. Hey, Liz Lemon, you know where I can find a good church? How good, like Judaism good, or just like Unitarian? My attorney told me I should join a church preemptively. 'Cause juries are suspicious of celebrities who find religion after getting into trouble. Why don't you try the Church of Practicology? They love movie stars and stuff. They already turned me down. I'm still not sure what happened. I believe the moon doesn't exist. I believe that vampires are the world's greatest golfers, but their curse is that they'll never get to prove it. I believe that there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Wh--what was the question again? So what's your religion, Liz Lemon? Mm, I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to. Can I help you? Yes, sweetheart. I'm looking for Jack Donaghy. And you are? Eddie Dona-hee, Jack's brother. Really? 'Cause Jack never mentioned a brother. And his name is Dona-gee, not Dona-hee. You know, you could be pretty if you didn't scowl so much. Tracy, this is Jack's brother, Eddie. Hi. Look who I found. Eddie Donaghy. As I live and breathe. You're a disgrace! You're not the boss of me, Jack Donaghy! That's Dona-gee, not Dona-hee! You ruined my suit! Aw, shut up, you baby! Oh, my God, stop! Someone's gonna get hurt! Look, this is about Dad. What'd you two dirtbags do now? Fix the Cotton Bowl? Dad's dead. It's over. Okay? This watch was Dad's. He wanted you to have it. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay. I haven't seen my dad in 17 years. I haven't seen Eddie since I bailed him out of Disney jail. And now this watch. I'm sorry. Don't be. My dad and Eddie are a blotch on the Dona-hee name-- Dona-gee name. That's how it's pronounced. Say it. Donaghy. Right. I really appreciate you bringing me to your church, Ken. Hola, Julio. I'm glad to help you on your spiritual quest, Mr. Jordan. What kind of Presbyterian is this? No, we're the Eighth Day Resurrected Covenant of the Holy Trinity. We haven't been Presbyterian for months. And y'all always meet on Wednesday nights? Yeah, we lose half the congregation every time American Idol starts up. Reverend Gary's starting. God sees the wicked one. Eternal damnation is upon the sinner. The stench of rotten flesh fills the air. Judgment is upon us all! How will you be seen in his eyes? What? He pointed right at me! He sure did! No! The fires of the pit crackle and pop. Hi, I got you coffee. Thanks. Oh, I forgot your muffin! Banana walnut, your favorite. Uh, that's not correct, but okay. Good morning, Liz. What's all this? Sketches, promos, web content. Thoughts for next season. Uh-huh. Nice hat. You haven't heard anything about layoffs, have you? What? No! And even if I had, I'm just being normal. Gosh. Okay. Hey, Liz! You wanna hang out tonight? 'Cause you're totally my role model. You make smart sexy. There's my beautiful boss. Good morning! Good morning, Henry. There you go. The YMCA, huh? Congratulations, you've found me out. So your life's a mess, you go out and buy a new suit, pretend everything's okay. But...what happened, Eddie? What do you care? I'm happy here. Gordon, so help me! Look, I went broke taking care of Dad-- end of story. Then let me give you some money. No, seeing Dad at the end, it changed me, Jack. I got a real job now. I talk homeless people into joining the Army. Isn't there anything that you want? One thing. I'd like my brother back. Look, I know I've been nothing but trouble to you your entire life. Juvie, Jonestown, that time I punched Goofy. Hell, I even blinded you with a bottle rocket! Ah, that was for a couple of lousy months, big deal. I had sex with your prom date. I stole your identity. I threw you out of a window. I convinced you you had lupus. I microwaved your parakeet. I hated that bird. We had some great times, didn't we? Yeah. Hmm, you're on my good list, Cary. Hey, sorry about that. Not super appropriate... in the workplace. No, it's... it's only inappropriate when it's ugly people. So, um, how long have you guys been together? Oh, well... that's tricky. Uh, kind of off and on the past year. But then she got this job here, and... It's kinda tough to stay broken up with someone you have to see everyday. Where does she work? Your Liz. In accounting. On your show. She works for you. I know who I can fire! You can't fire the other Liz unless she's in the bottom 10%. Ugh, you can just tell she is by her stupid face! You're a better person than this. Jack has given me absolute power. I am the decider. Okay, you can't just do this. I'm not gonna just do anything. I have a plan. Step one, befriend the enemy and gather information. Then use the information to drive her into the bottom 10%. Good Lord...your eyes. You look like that lady astronaut who tried to kidnap that other woman. Hey, that was a lady with a plan. Diapers, Mace, Houston to Orlando in nine hours? Blammo. I know I'm the guy who lied to his wife about having a vasectomy, but this... this is wrong. No, it's not wrong! I'm just staying the course, and I'm enjoying it. Jack is out of my hair, people are being nice to me. There's a guy I like in the building, and I have the authority to fire his girlfriend? For the first time ever, things are lining up for old Liz Lemon. Stop! Stop it! Jack, come on. Mr. Donaghy, your assistant's been looking for you. Oh, thank you very much, Kenneth. Uh, Eddie and I have just been making up for some lost time. Hey, Jack, uh, you mind if I take a few grapes for dinner later? Why don't you just take the money? No. If you wanna give money to someone, you give it to those nurses who took care of Dad at Chicago All Saints Hospital. They never once said anything about the racist stuff towards the end. All right, I'll have my assistant write a check. Help yourself to some grapes. But you had to go to the bathroom, so Dad missed seeing Meredith Vieira! Now I'm pissed! Not one of you kids is ever gonna amount to anything. That's why your mom left. Yeah. Maybe we should get all the Donaghy kids back together again. Aw, Jack, they don't wanna see me. Oh, come on, we're Irish. We're a forgiving people. Aww! I'm so glad you asked. Kabbalah is a wonderful religion that mixes the fun part of Judaism with magic. So where do you worship? Where don't you worship? My friend, Madonna... Hey, Jack's brother. What religion are you? This one sounds really expensive and gay. Oh, well, uh, I'm Irish Catholic. Now, I know there's been a lot of controversy around the church lately. You know, because of The Da Vinci Code. But what's great is you can do anything, anything, and as long as you go to confession, it's forgiven. I'm Irish Catholic. Well, well, other Liz. Played saxophone in the marching band at Rutgers? Kept that a secret from your employer, didn't you? Excuse me, Liz. Jack said it'd be okay if I put this here. It's, uh, for the hospital that took care of my dad. Oh, yeah--I'm so glad to see you and Jack getting along. Uh, absolutely, we-- we'll give money, right? You want us to give money? I'd be happy to. Heart of gold, L.L. Is there a limit to how much we can give? I hope not. Let's get our checkbooks! Yeah! Wow. I bet Pops is looking down right now and saying, "If I could come back and do any broad, it'd be that one right there." Ew. So Pop says, "What does it look like I'm doing right now?" So they ended up landing in Dallas for six hours and it was on the news! It was not on the news, you're such a liar. Excuse me, everybody, this is Kenneth. Kenneth, this is my family. That's Patrick, this is Patricia, this is Katherine Catherine, and her husband Bobby, and this is, uh, Margaret. We just found out about her today. Oh, uh, welcome! Kenneth's going to take you all downstairs to the studio. I would like to make a toast to Pop. Well, we've been toasting Pop for over an hour now. Maybe we should pace ourselves. You know what, why don't you stop trying to control everything, Jack? He was a wonderful father. He was always ready with a joke. Or rum balls in his pockets for the kids. Eddie? Come here, you magnificent douche bag! Eddie! How the hell are ya? Have a drink. Uh, actually I've been clean and sober for seven months. Stop showing off and have a drink. Sure. Hey, Liz. Oh, hey, Liz. Right, so I'm doing these quick performance reviews. I'm gonna be doing them with everybody every six months or so, so, um, are you settling in okay? Yeah, everyone's been great. Learning where stuff is. What would you say are your weaknesses? Some people say I'm too nice. Where do you see yourself in five years? Well, hopefully, I'll still be working for G.E. It's a great company for working moms. What? You know, in five years. In--I mean, I'm in a relationship right now. By then I'll probably have a couple of kids, be living in the suburbs-- just having it all, really. You're fired! I'm the decider! Uh... God, I missed you guys. It's too bad it took Dad dying to get us all together again. He was always bringing people together. He was just like Lady Di. He was. This is Margaret. Boy, she's really got Mom's smile, doesn't she? Yeah. To Pop! The sorriest bastard that ever walked the earth. Don't say that about my daddy! Oh, Patricia, you're embarrassing yourself. Yeah, well, you don't say that about my father, Mrs.! What do you say... Good posture, who cares? Uh, what do you say we all head downstairs right now before this takes the traditional Donaghy turn for the worse. Seriously, don't even start with me! Don't start with me, Mrs.! You did it, you fired her? Uh-huh. You cant' do that, Liz! I'm gonna tell human resources! No, no, you're not! You're fired! Did you just fire Pete? Yes! I'm gonna put his name on a list! And everything! Can I help you? Ms. Lemon, the, uh, accounting department wishes to protest the firing of our colleague. Now, we have discussed it-- You're fired! You're all fired! Clean out your desks! Fired! Lemon, the purpose of these cuts is to make us more efficient so we make more money. And the people who tell me if I'm making more money are called accountants. And if I don't have any accountants-- No, Jack, you would be proud of me. It's all part of a plan. It just got out of control. A plan to do what? Things were really lining up for old Liz Lemon. And this other Liz, this accountant girl, was just getting in the way of my happiness. Your happiness? Lemon, is this about a boy? Mm-hmm. Good God in heaven. Who is he? What's his name? Flower guy? Lemon, you've gone chicken killer on me over a guy whose name you don't know? And you still think our next President should be a woman? He just seems like a really cool guy, and I think he likes me more than her. That's...very sad. It really is, isn't it? I'm gonna go talk to some food about this. Oh, Liz, did you put your check in already? Oh, no. Who do I make it out to? Chicago All Saints Hospital? Eddie just said to write the initials on the check. C... A... S... H. Son of a bitch. Eddie already took the other box. Son. Dad? Your brother Eddie's dead. He wanted you to have his watch. Eddie. You. Me? You! What are you doing here? What do you think? I'm pulling the Dead Man's Curve on Jack. When we parted ways, we agreed that I would get Jack and you would do the thing in Sacramento! You are both a disgrace to the Donaghy name! It's pronounced Dona-fee, you lace curtain half-an-Englishman! When I think of all the things that I've been holding inside me that I wanted to say to you... Well, now I'm gonna let St. Patrick and St. Michael do my talking for me! You'll have to get through Tip O'Neill and Bobby Sands first! You call those fist names? Say hello to Bono and Sandra Day O'Connor! Those are the stupidest fist names I've ever heard. Daddy's not dead! Eddie, you lying sack of crap! Jack Donaghy, you don't raise your fists to my dead father! Bobby, give me my keys. Let's go! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Yeah, what--what are you doing? You can't fight in front of my audience! What, do you think you're better than me? Lemon, are you okay? I want you...to punch your sister in the face. It's on. I call same sides as the bicentennial brawl! I was impressed by how you take a punch, Lemon. I played dead for the worst of it, but it didn't fool your family. It sure didn't. The whole thing was strangely reassuring, though. To know that they'll be there after I'm dead, fighting over my corpse before it's cryogenically frozen. Where's Eddie now? I gave him and my dad a three-day head start out of love and sportsmanship. Hmm. As always, it's been a pleasure fighting with you. Oh, I had to rehire that Liz Lemler that you fired. Okay. And I didn't want any more trouble with her, so I had to give her a promotion too. Fantastic. It's an amazing opportunity for her out at, uh, corporate headquarters. In Connecticut? She's transferred to Connecticut? Yes. That's right. It seems that things are lining up once again for old Liz Lemon. And you say? Thank you, Jack. You're welcome. I hear your girlfriend got transferred. Sorry. Yeah. I guess it wasn't meant to be. Liz! You forgot to give me the key to your place, and I need it, my wife knows about our little secret. I don't know how she found out. Oh, God. I should've just gotten a vasectomy! Let me explain. Hey, did you hear the good news, J. D.? I'm IrisCatholic now. Like you, Regis, and the Pope. Oh, no, you're not. The church already has enough lawsuits. See, I could screw up now, and then just go to confession. No longer do I have to throw my parties in international waters. That's not how it works, Tracy. Even though there is the whole confession thing, that's no free pass. Because there is a crushing guilt that comes with being a Catholic. Whether things are good, or bad, or you're simply eating tacos in the park. There is always the crushing guilt. I don't think I want that. I'm out. Somehow I feel oddly guilty about that. I don't want nothing crushing me. A MAN LOST BEIRUT - 1985 NORTHERN SYRIA 20 YEARS LATER ... Come! What are you doing? Why are not you working? That's not how it's done. Start with the roots. Quick, quick! - Where was this guy? - At the train station in Damascus. Where are you from? Where were you born? Are you a spy? You bastard! Dog. Stop! Stop! Grab your passport and come with me. What are you doing there? Arrest this guy! You two! Stand there! Come on, move! 3 hours I've been waiting. Let me go. I did nothing. No problem, Mr. Thomas. Welcome to Jordan. You can go. We have granted a visa. Thank you. - Please. - And the movie? No. Go to window number 8. Thank you. - And him? - We are still resolving. Thank you, sir. - Go to Amman? - Yes. - Enter. - How much? $ 140. Get up ... Get up! Cigarette? Do you speak English? And French, you speak French? Do you always follow women to the bathroom? Do you use women's restroom? You know what I'm talking about? You are Jordanian? Jordan? Syria? They arrested you because you followed that woman. Did you know? No. So you understand French. You know what they did to her? You're going to Amman? You know the city? I do not know. Hey, Fouad! - Good evening. - Good evening. Do you have vacancies? - Yes - For two nights? Single room, for two people, two nights. No, sir. For that price, it is impossible. So ... One night, just one. - No, sir. - A double room for one night. Are you a photographer? - Journalist? - Something like that. I am a photographer, not journalist. I travel and write a journal, you know? - I am also traveling. - Oh yeah? Where you going? Everywhere. - I do not know. - Do not you know? Where did you learn French? Do not you know? What happened to your arm? Nothing. You know the city well? Do you know any bars with women? No. Excuse me? Do you know any bar open around here ... where we can find girls? No, sir. - Do not you think she's beautiful? - Yes. - Are you Jordanian? - No, Moroccan. Good evening. It is not possible. No, sir. Go away. Why? Listen, brother. Explain to your friend this is a respectable hotel... and prostitutes are not accepted here. Please leave now. He does not want us here. We need to leave. Can you wait here? Hold your hair. Come here. Come ... Move back. Stop. Hello? Yes, dear. It's okay. Go, do not care about me. You can make love to her, if you want. Go! Don't move. No... What is this? Keep taking pictures now! Thank you. Son of a bitch ... What did they do? Are you okay, honey? Are you okay? Everywhere is the same. It's the same shit. And you, my beautiful, leave me alone. Whiskey? Police! Open the door. So what you have to tell us, sir? Nothing special, I am a photographer. I take pictures ... It's personal. Nothing to do with politics. You sleep with a man in your room. Do you give money to this man? No, he works for me. He is my assistant, my translator. - And you do things with him? - No. Tell me how you do it? I do nothing. The room has space for two. And he's gone. I do not need it anymore. Why? What did he say? We know that you sleep with him. You walk down the street with women and that is not good. This is not like in Europe. In our country it is man and woman ... not man with man and woman. Goodbye! Cheers! Call Souad. - Hello? - Hello. - Okay, Souad? - Yes - Please wait. - Right. For me? - Is everything okay, honey? - French ... French? Oh, a Frenchman? Want sex? Come here, baby. You want to touch me? Very good ... I love you, baby. Stop, stop! You want money? Want to work? $ 30 per week ... to accompany me and be my translator. Okay. Why not put your stuff in the closet? No, okay. Do you know why they beat me? Was it the girl or the money? Now at least I can track you. Hold me ... Kiss me ... Your friend has gone. He said you'd know where to meet him. What happened? You forgot? He photographed us. And you spoke of a woman. You said that she had abandoned you. What did I say? Tell me what I said. I'm telling you. You said you were suffering, as we all suffer. And you repeated: "Hold me! Hug me! Hold me! " No! Do not leave me here! Open it! Let me in! Bastard! All right? Can you drive? We are not far from Iraq, right? - Have you been? - No. - Have you lived in a country at war? - No. Do you have children? Are you married? Were you born here? I have a daughter. I lived with a woman I loved. But that life was not enough and I had to go. I wanted something else. One day a friend mentioned an Arab poet who said ... "My love is shared by several women." You know him? I identify with that thought. Good morning. What do you want to eat? - Chicken? - Perfect. - Chicken. - With hummus and salad? Hello He is a photographer. What can I show him here? Where is he from? He is a foreigner. French. A photographer. - Archaeologist? - No. He photographs women. At night... in the bars... Did you hear what he said? - He thinks he is in France. - What is he saying? Look, brother, we do not have any of that here. - What did he say? - Take this guy to another place. - Let him return to France! - What did he say? What did he say? - He spoke to me? - Yes He did not like you. No, he did not. What did you say to them? He did not like. Let him go to hell! - You don't want to have sex with him? - No. The thing is ... Yes. Freeholder santucci? Thanks for hanging me out to dry. I vote yes. It's unanimous. The motion is passed. I love you guys! I love you! Thank you! Thank you for opening your hearts! Yes! Hey, Laurel. How're you doing, chief? We got a conviction against the men who killed Tommy and Debbie cherico. Put them away for life. Thanks to you. And we're pleased to inform you that you've been promoted to the rank of lieutenant in the ocean county police department. Congratulations. Thanks, chief. Congratulations, partner. Let me see. Will you marry me? Yes. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Platoon, attention! Present arms! Order arms! About face! Piece of garbage. I don't know. Maybe it's not so bad. Maybe I'll keep it. Do you want it? You want it back? Then you're gonna have to get it. Come and get it. Translated By ll M7md 10 ll Hey, can I have your number? - Hello? - It's Stacie from volleyball. - Listen, I can't talk right now. -Yeah, go right ahead. Just your run of the mill double homicide investigation. Shut up. Can I call you later? - You got a date? - Yeah, I do. If you could have anything, what would it be? What's your dream? A house, a dog, a woman I love, loves me. Me too. Give me a second here. This domestic partnership thing is new. I kind of like the idea of you as a kept woman. - What's the matter? - I don't know. I think I pulled a muscle. - You want to get it checked out? - Yeah. My name is Detective Laurel Hester. I've worked for the Ocean County Police Department for 23 years. Recently, I was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. When my heterosexual colleagues die, their pensions go to their spouses. But because my partner is a woman, I don't get to do that. In my career, I've never asked for special treatment. I'm only asking for equality. We anguish over this situation. But we have to deny your request. This is an outrageous miscarriage of justice. At their next meeting, we show up with 100 protesters. Radicals and strangers from New York .. - ..aren't going to convince these guys. - I am not a radical. I am a middle class Jewish homosexual from New Jersey. How about you, sweetheart? I'm a straight, white, ex-Protestant, atheist cop. You OK with that, sweetheart? I am. That is very hot. I'm worried about Stacie. She'd had so much to deal with. - You know, she's so young. - I love you. - It's not fair. - No, it isn't. I want to tell you about our house. I'd just really like to hold on to it and remember how much we love each other. If they say yes, then my tax dollars go to her girlfriend. Yeah, the same way your wife gets your pension if you die. Yeah, but she's my wife. Hell, if you and I got married tomorrow, I'd be entitled to your benefits. - Is that a proposal? - Oh, my god. We are sticking to a losing position because of some personal beliefs. It's an opportunity to change the world. The only thing I care about is justice for the woman that I love. Translated By ll M7md 10 ll Hey, my boy said you could hook me up. I don't know you. Come on, bro, I could use an ounce if you got it. I don't know what you're talking about, man. - How about... - Yeah, no. But let's get the Ferris wheel in the shot. Come on. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How long you been dying your hair, Quesada? Come on. Put your arm around her. Come on. Smile, Hester. With teeth. What are you doing Saturday? - Now grab her tit. - Knock it off. Shit. - Relax. - Damn it. Dane can handle himself. Who are these two punks? Let's go. I don't want a 50. I need an ounce. That's too much. I don't carry that. - What's wrong with you? - I'm strung out. Strung out? You playing with me? 'Cause you smell like a cop. No, man. Police. Don't move. Drop the gun, asshole. Stop moving. - You hear me? - Get off of me. - Laurel? You all right? - Yeah. Grab his gun. - Got it. - Okay. Hey! Listen up, buddy! Here's the deal! When a police officer tells you to stop moving, you stop moving. Ocean County police. Get down on the ground! On the ground now! Get down! Get down now! Put your hands behind your head. - Dane. - Yeah? Hands behind your head! Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Yeah, shut up. Let's go. _ Cheers, partner. Good work. Cheers, Dane. Looks like every politician in the county is here tonight. They like cops when we make headlines. Yeah. Fan of yours? She's just after me for a ride on my Harley. Is there any female in the Ocean County PD who hasn't gotten a ride on your Harley? Just one. Hey, Dane. Good work. Thanks, Chief. Have you met Bryan Kelder? He was just elected Freeholder. - Congratulations. - Thank you. The Board of Freeholders is proud of our excellent police force. Well, this is my excellent partner, Laurel Hester. How do you do? Nice to meet you. My daughter here wants to be a detective. Good for you. It's a good job, but it's not what you see on TV. I know. It was good to meet you. Good to meet you. That lowlife you busted. You think he might give us a lead on our double homicide in Brick? It's possible. He certainly ran his share of coke through Brick. Why don't you give us a crack at it? We'll tail him. It's your case. To Ocean County's finest. Get it, Stacie! Come on! Come on, Stace! - Nice serve. - Oh! Oh! Whoa! That's what I'm talking about. - Spike Drama! - Spike Drama! All right, you almost had it. It's okay. It's okay. - Yeah. - At least you're trying. I haven't played since high school. I know. All right, come on. Round two! Let's go. Right here. Who is the new girl? The one with the... - With the hair? - Yeah. She can't play for shit. That's your hole, okay? Make her eat it. Make her eat it. Come on! Pick it up, ladies! Come on, now! Here we go, guys. Get ready. Okay. Right here. We're going again. Yeah. Let's get it, Stacie. Come on. Right here. Go, go, go, go. Come on. Oh, shoot. Whoa! What kind of bullshit serve was that? - Come on, right here. - Good serve. Good serve. Here we go. Point time, ladies. Point time. We suck this year. Second and 18, though. Over the middle pass is complete. Oh! There goes the princess. Hey, it's now or never. Shut up. Shut up. - Hey. - Hey. Hey, are you leaving? Oh, yeah. All kinds of work to do. It's a long drive home. Where's that? Ocean County, New Jersey. Damn. You drove all the way out here to play volleyball, and you don't even like it? Every now and then I think I should go out and... Try to meet someone? Yeah. And they don't have girls in Jersey? It's not that. It... people know me back home. It's hard to go out and have privacy. I should go. Okay. Can I have your number? I don't have any paper. Write it on my arm. I'm Stacie. I'll give you my cell. If I'm working, I probably won't answer. And if anyone asks where we met, please don't mention it. Laurel. You've a lot of rules, Laurel. Yeah. I've been told that. What? What? What? Three suspects at this time... This still gets you going? Spying on junkies? Come on. He's never gonna lead us to the shooters. Maybe his girl will. Hello. It's Stacie from volleyball. Listen, I can't talk right now. Go right ahead. We're not doing anything important. Just your run-of-the-mill double homicide investigation. Will you shut up? I can't hear. Maybe I should get out of the car. Give you some privacy. When? Can I call you later? Okay. Bye. You got a date? Yeah. I do. Something serious? I'll let you know. I'll call you after. Here's a soda. - And the straw you asked for. - Thanks. Let me pay you for that. Oh, no. Okay. Thank you. You look great. You look great. You know I'm significantly older than you. Yeah. Do you dance? Not to this. I hate country music. I guess this was a bad idea. No. No, I'm sorry. That... that came out wrong. I, uh... You know, I don't date much. I don't know how to be smooth or whatever. You don't... you don't have to be smooth with me. But if you're really sorry and you want to make it up to me... Oh, come on. No. I'll make a fool of myself. No, you won't. Trust me. Trust me. Take my hand. Put your other hand on my shoulder. Shuffle, shuffle, step, step. Shuffle, shuffle, step, step. Shuffle, shuffle, step, step. Shuffle, shuffle, step, step. I don't like going backwards. I'll guide you. You hate giving up control, don't you? Yeah, I hate it. We'll have to work on that. I need a break. You want a beer? I'll get you a beer. Sure. Yeah. Hey. What's the matter? It was just hot in there. I wanted to get some air. Well, that was weird. What, are you... Are you trying to ditch me? No. Of course not. No. Uh... Wanna go look at the water? Sure. I always, uh... I always feel better if I can look at the water. Day or night. That's why I live at the ocean. Just to be near it. Does this bother you? No. You want a drink? Oh, no, thanks. You don't drink? Uh, not much. My mother was an alcoholic. Was? She passed away. I really miss her. Sorry. My, um... my father just died. I'm sorry about that. He was cool. Yeah. He taught me how to take apart an engine. It was so nice just working. Being... Why'd you stop? Suddenly felt stupid. You're not stupid, not at all. I just meant that's what it's supposed to be like. With another person? Trusting that person. It's so hard. Yeah. Sorry. I get a few beers in me and sound pretty ridiculous. I don't think so. Hey. What's going on here? We love us some dykes. We don't want any trouble, so... Who gives a fuck what you want? I want your money. Hey. Get out of here. - Take it easy. - Get out. Take it easy. - Go on. - Get out! Get out! Take it easy. Come on! Come on! You okay? What's going on? I'm a police officer. You're a cop? Detective. I should have told you. - You always carry a gun? - Most of the time. On a date? Sorry. Sorry. I think you should come home with me. Martha Stewart has a new worry. An assistant to her stockbroker has pleaded guilty to a charge of keeping quiet about alleged insider trading in Stewart's enclosed... _ _ Laurel? Laurel, your phone's ringing. Do you want me to... Do you want me to get it? Hey. Hester? Oh, hi, Lyndy. I thought you were the office. Can I call you back? Okay. Never answer my phone, okay? That could have been my partner or my boss. I'm sorry I yelled at you but it's important. And I'm, uh... I'm over it. You want some... You want some coffee? Or some toast? What? You're a cop so you think you can yell at people? Is that... I have to be careful. In law enforcement, women don't get important cases. They don't get promoted. A gay woman, forget it. I have to drive all the way to Pennsylvania. It's like an hour. I'm going home. Okay. Okay? That's what you're gonna say? "Okay"? I've got a lot of work to get through this afternoon, so... Shit. - Hey. - Hey. Remember how you said that none of Jeeter's buddies would help us with the double homicide? Yeah. Look. Christy Miller. Jeeter's girl. So? Same high school as Debbie Cherico. Signed the yearbook, "best friends forever." Nice! Well, let's find her and bring her in. She works at that coffee shop in Beachwood. You have been working on it. All night long. I'll make a call. I guess I owe you $10. No, I think it's 20. Hey. What's up, Belkin? Hey, Belkin! I want those files on my desk! - You were at the... - He finally shut up. ... club Saturday night, right? Okay. But we're good, right? I mean I just made detective. I can't risk anybody... We're good, Belkin. You don't have to worry. Okay. Hey. - Hi. - Hi. Um... I screwed up. I had no right to talk to you the way I did. I ruined our date and I really enjoyed being with you. And I'm nervous. Um... maybe I am too old for you. Will you stop saying that? If anything you're too smart for me. No way. You're smart, funny, and you're honest and... basically I think you're amazing. You there? So you called to say I'm amazing? Yes. Can I see you again? Yeah. Yeah, you can. Great. Great. If you could have anything, what would it be? What's your dream? What do you mean? Like, be rich or famous? No. I mean your... your big dream. Dream for your life. My big dream is kind of small. Yeah? A woman I love. Loves me. A house. A dog. Mmm. Me too. House. Yard. Dog. Partner. - What kind of dog? - Mmm... I don't know. Maybe one of those little ones. You know, that you carry around with you. With long, white hair. What are they called? Maltese? Oh, shit. Shit, no. No. No! There is no way! There is no way I am gonna live with that little dog! I... - That's a deal breaker. - I'm kidding! I'm kidding! - That's a deal breaker. - I'm kidding. I'm kidding. That's a deal breaker. And the one-two swung on! Driven deep to right-center field! Going back is Crawford... - Yeah. - Yeah! I made you a baseball fan, huh? Mm-hmm. Detective Hester. Christy Miller's manager just called. She's leaving town. It's now or never. I'll be there in half an hour. Throw to home, you idiot! You having a party? Uh, my sister's over. I'll see you. I've gotta go. It's Saturday. Yeah. Something's up. We're working the right lead. Uh, you want to put money on it? Give me a minute. Christy? Can I talk to you for a sec? - What about? - Your friend Debbie Cherico. You're not in trouble. Okay? I just want you to come down to the station and talk with me for, like, 30 minutes. Christy? Stop! Come on! Stop the car! - Stop! Laurel! - Damn it! Get away, bitch! You okay? You hurt? I'm fine. I'm okay. Come on, Christy. Let's stop playing games, right now. Okay? You and Debbie were best friends. You went to high school together. You must have been by Tommy's place at some point or another. Now Tommy was moving dope for these guys. They were in and out of his apartment all the time. You expect me to believe you never saw him? I told you, I don't know anything. I don't believe you. I don't believe you! Can I talk to Christy alone? Sure. Come on, Belkin. Let's let the ladies chat for a few minutes. I'm gonna turn this off. It's just us. What the hell is she doing? No one needs to hear. I know you're scared. Nothing's going to happen to you here. It's my job to protect you. Right. I know what it's like to be afraid. It's not a nice feeling. You don't know anything about me. You're 19, right? When I was, um... when I was a few years younger than you, like 16... there was something in my life that I was... I was really scared of and trying to hide. And after a while I couldn't take it anymore. And I... I went to my mother and I told her that I needed help. And I ended up in a psychiatric institution. I was so scared I made myself sick. I gave myself a nervous breakdown. And I thought I'd never survive it. But I did. I did survive it. And I've learned that being afraid and hiding things is a horrible way to live. I don't want that for you. I want you to help me find Debbie's killer so I can protect you from them. 'Cause I don't want you to spend the rest of your life being afraid. Okay. Okay. - Hi. - Hi! I hope my directions didn't confuse you. Get ready. Here come the dykes. The backyard is very private. Just like you wanted. And it's a sweet neighborhood. All families. Which one of you is Mrs. Hester? I'm Detective Hester. And you are a friend? Yeah. She's my friend. Yeah, I'm her friend who is also gonna live here. I'll just wait outside. What a bitch. It needs a lot of work. There's plenty of light. We'll need more closet space, though. The garage is attached! And there's enough room for your car and my truck and my dad's Harley. You can't bring your dad's motorcycle. - What? - No. It's too dangerous. I don't want to worry about you every time you go out. But I... I'll let you get a dog. You'll let me? You'll let me? You like it? Yeah. A lot. There's no way I can afford this mortgage. Not even half. Yeah. I'll take out the loan. I mean I can do the renovation. I can paint and drywall. You can drywall? Hell yeah. That's sexy. So do we have a house? Yeah. We have a house. You beat the shit out of that! - Thanks, Mom. - Of course. You two are a long way from home. Okay. I've got your three forms of ID. Proof of common assets and common domain. A shared bank account. A deed. Give me a second here. This domestic partnership thing is new. Take your time. When people get married, they don't have to go through this whole rigmarole. Well, that's it. Thanks. Happy Domestic Partnership Day. Thank you. I got something for you. Yeah? It looks like the beach. Thanks. I got something for you, too. - Yeah? - Yeah. It's a card from the police union. It's got your name on it. It says we're family. So, if you're stopped while you're driving, and let's face it, you do drive fast, just give this to the officer. You won't get a ticket. Family. I guess that makes it official, huh? Official, baby. Hey, how you doing? Can't complain! I have a certificate in computer diagnostics. And I can do engine work, and electrical. You're, like, four feet tall. How long's your fastest tire rotation? Eight minutes. My guys are good. Well, I can beat that. Derrick's our rotation champ. You can't beat him. Do you wanna bet? This is a waste of time. Go. That tire weighs as much as you, sweetheart. Are you sure you can handle it? Done! Wait, what? No way! Mm-hmm. Seven minutes, 12 seconds. That's gotta be a record. So I got the job? So she can change tires. So what? We need a real mechanic in here, Jake. Yeah, I can do my job. Thanks. See you tomorrow morning at 8:00 A.M. Better be good. Congratulations on the job. Thanks. And I'm gonna make a contribution to the mortgage every month. You don't have to do that. Yeah, I do. I kind of like the idea of you as a kept woman. It's sexy. Kind of makes you feel like you're in charge, huh? No. I know I'm not in charge of you, sweetie. It's impossible. That doesn't stop you from trying. Oh, God. What's the matter? I think I pulled a muscle. Yeah? How long have you had that? A couple weeks. - A couple weeks? - Yeah. Will you get it checked out? Yeah. - This week? - Sure. - Tomorrow? - I will! Don't look so worried. I pulled a muscle on the job. I'm a cop. That's what happens. I know. You're a superhero. Mmm... Laurel, you wanna come in? Hey. Hey. Can I, uh... can I help you? Yeah. I dropped by to see Laurel. Laurel Hester. This is her house? Is she here? Yeah. Is that... is that a rhody? That's what the fellow at the nursery told me. You doing the landscaping? - Hey. - Hey! I, uh... dropped by to give you a housewarming present. I figured it was kind of overdue. Hey, thanks. Did you meet Stacie? Yeah. He thinks I'm the... he thinks I'm the gardener. No. Stacie's my roommate. Oh, great. Yeah. It's great. Well, I didn't mean to... I... Just wanted to wish you good luck with the house, and... - Thanks. - I'll... I'll see you Monday. - I'll see you Monday. - Thanks for stopping by. Nice to meet you. Yeah. Yeah, roommates don't sleep in the same bed. He's my partner. No. I'm your partner. That is the person you work with. And he's got a total crush on you. No, he doesn't. Yes, he does. Hey! Wait a minute! Yeah, sorry. It's a bad cop habit. Showing up unannounced. Stacie's not my roommate. She's my girlfriend. Why the hell didn't you tell me? Never came up. Never saw any reason to talk about it. Hmm... Remember when I found out I had a daughter? - Yeah. - Yeah. You know that wasn't my proudest moment. But I told you about it. You know why? Because you count on me. Right? - Yeah. - When things are happening and we get into a situation, people are reaching for their guns, you need to know what's going on with me. Am I up? Am I down? Am I distracted? In love. Whatever. Your life depends on it. And all these years you've been holding back this part of yourself because what? Because you didn't trust me enough - to say anything? - Oh, come on. Come on! - Thanks a lot! - I could have been out at work and gotten anywhere beyond the back office, filing reports? You don't get it. You know? You're straight. You're white. - You're male. This is not... - Don't give me that bullshit. No. No. It is not bullshit. Things are handed to you I have to fight for. - That's the way it is. - Oh, boo-hoo. So you're the oppressed minority now? Is that it? Yeah. Well, are the other cops' wives gonna be there? Yeah. Probably. We, you know, all have to go. It's the chief's birthday. Well, that kind of sucks, doesn't it? Yeah. It does. It does suck, but that's how it is, right? You know that. Look, I don't have to go. I could stay home. You want me to stay home, babe? No. I mean you want to make lieutenant, right? First woman in Ocean County. That's the plan. - Go. - Okay. This is Laurel Hester. Please leave a message. Laurel, it's Dr. Tonner. Please call me back as soon as you get this message. Hello? It's Laurel Hester. He wants her in for an MRI. Um, hey, I'm waiting for Laurel. It's been hours. You're waiting for Laurel Hester? Right. You're her sister? Um, partner. Oh. I was expecting a family member. She's my partner. Or my wife, or whatever. And I know that something's wrong. Okay. Please calm down. I... I'm sorry. The results of the bronchoscopy are very concerning. Laurel has three masses in her right lung. Masses? You mean cancer? It's not definitive until we get the results back from the lab. But, yes. It's probably late-stage cancer. Now, we do have treatment options. Where are you going? They told you everything? Yeah. But we're... we're gonna fight this. We're gonna get the best treatment. And I'm gonna take off work, and help you. And my mom can come stay with us. Right. But I... I think that... - we need... - It'll be okay. I can't pull up. Christ. Did the doctor tell you about the survival rate? Yeah. Yeah, but... You know, we're gonna beat this. We're gonna beat this. We will. How're you doing? Uh... I'm okay. You know? I start my treatment next week, so... Um... I'm sorry. Nah, it's okay. You've seen me in plenty of compromised situations, drunk off my ass. Listen, I know it's a cliché, but if there's anything I can do... Yeah. You know, if... If something happens, um, I want my pension to go to Stacie, 'cause it's the only way she can afford to keep our house. But that's for married people, right? Thanks for the support. - Laurel... - It's all right, man. _ _ Sweetie? Sweetie? I don't want you to see this. All right, here. Pass that around. All right, so this is from Detective Laurel Hester, who's currently on medical leave of absence because, unfortunately, she has stage-four cancer. And she's asking that in the event of her death, her pension benefits be assigned to her partner, a Stacie Andree. Stacie Andree is a woman, correct? Correct. I'm just trying to wrap my mind around her being a lesbian. Why? Well, she's so not like a lesbian. The contract we negotiated with the police union doesn't give Detective Hester the rights to assign her benefits to her roommate. End of story. All right, so motion to deny Detective Hester's request? Well, actually, the Domestic Partnership Act, passed by the state legislature, extends benefits to same sex partners of state employees. Hester is a county employee. But the law says we can assign benefits to county employees. Bryan. Right. And bankrupt the county. Oh, come on. Come on. What? People can make anybody their partners and get benefits. It's really very hard to form a domestic partnership, actually. - Harder than marriage. - Nothing's harder than marriage. Bryan. The law you're talking about violates the sanctity of marriage. It offends traditional values and, in this county, that's political suicide. She's dying. Yes. And that's a personal tragedy, and we deal in public policy here. - But... - I move that we deny Detective Hester's request. We should wish her the best and tell her she's in our prayers. All right. All in favor? Yes. Bryan? I'll abstain. We like our decisions to have the authority of a unanimous vote. It's been our tradition for 150 years. Yes. Good. The technician said, um, "that you just suck in and hold the medicine in your lungs as long as you can." Okay. Are you okay? Uh, we're in the middle of treatment. So... Dane. It's okay. Come in. That's my sister Lyndy. Lyndy, that's Dane. - Hey. - Hey. Well, they turned you down, Laurel. And then they buried the decision in the back of the paper. Yeah, I saw. Well, I just wanted you to know. I'm not happy about it. - Yeah, thanks. - Laurel, treatment. There's one other thing we could try. What's that? These guys are terrified of controversy. If you go to one of their meetings... You mean in person? Make a speech? Make a request. Laurel. They have a public meeting every two weeks. In front of everyone? Yeah, so then everyone knows our business? I mean who are these people? They're the local government. They run Ocean County. It's gonna be a lot harder for them to shoot you down if you go in there face-to-face and ask for what you got coming to you. You deserve it. Laurel, do the treatment. I gotta go to work. Okay. Okay. This whole pension thing is a waste of time. Okay? She's not gonna need it 'cause she's gonna get better. Can you stop bothering us with this bullshit? This is so hard for her. Laurel, you gotta go to one of these meetings. It's the only thing that could work. My relationship to the patient is partner. I've been through this with you. This bill from Sloan Kettering for $900. I know that some members of the public have questioned the cost for the parking meters. But after careful review, we think it would be the best thing for the community. So, motion to approve the new meters? So moved. - How do you vote? - Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - Are you okay? - Yes. Motion's passed. Don Bennett is here. Hey, sis. Who's that? He's a reporter. Is he gonna write about this? Yeah, probably. Well, that takes care of all the items on our agenda. Hi. There's a seat there. And unless anyone has any more questions, we will call this meeting to a close. Yes? Good afternoon, Freeholders. You have a question about the parking meters? No. Uh, my name is Detective Laurel Hester. - Hopefully you remember me from... - Oh, of course. I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you. Hello. I've worked for the Ocean County Police Department for 23 years. And I'm here today with my partner, Stacie Andree. In my career, I've been shot at, dragged by a car, clubbed, beaten, punched and kicked, but I've always come out on top. I've never been afraid of injury or death while performing my duties. That's the job, and I love my job. Recently, I was diagnosed with stage-four lung cancer. Although radiation has shrunk the tumors, my chances for survival remain less than 10%. It's possible I've finally met an opponent I can't beat. Please reconsider your decision, and grant my request to assign my pension benefits to Stacie, making it possible for her to stay in our home when I'm gone. When my heterosexual colleagues die, their pensions go to their spouses. But because my partner is a woman, I don't get to do that. In my 23 years as a police officer, I've never asked for special treatment. I'm only asking for equality. Thank you. We commend you for your service to the county. You're a valuable and trusted employee. Agreed. Thank you. My colleagues and I, we've anguished over your situation. But benefits for county employees are part of a negotiated contractual settlement. And we just can't reopen negotiations... She gave you 23 years of service. You're out of order, Dane. God bless you. This meeting is adjourned. Hey. No, no, no. Detective Hester, how about an interview? Not today. Please leave us alone. Listen. I'll set up an interview if you promise to put her story on the front page. - Done. - Yeah? Did you see those guys squirm? No one ever questions them about anything. Well, they should. My partner spends her life fighting for justice. They deny justice to her. That, that is great. Dane Wells. This is Steven Goldstein from Garden State Equality. I just wanted to call to tell you that we are all outraged about what's happening to Laurel Hester. And we would like to help. Okay. What these Freeholders are doing is unconscionable. We need to let them know that either they reverse their decision, or there are going to be consequences. They've never reversed a decision. They have never met me before. Their next meeting, we show up with a hundred protesters. Gay cops. Gay attorneys. A priest. A rabbi. I know a couple gay grandmothers. Maybe we organize a gay pride parade. You mean a bunch of bare-chested men in leather marching down Main Street? We show them that we are a force to be reckoned with. In this county there are a quarter million senior citizens, registered Republicans. You're gonna turn them all against Laurel. I appreciate your perspective. I ran Corzine's senate campaign in 2000, so I know what I'm doing. Okay, Steve. But I know this community. It's Steven, with a "V." As in, very gay. And when people disrespect my gay brothers and sisters, I rain terror on them. Shock and awe. Shock and awe. And, sweetheart, I am going to need you to be available for interviews. Lots and lots of interviews. This is gonna be a national news story. Steven, it seems to me that you're using my case to promote your cause. Gay marriage. That is exactly what I'm doing. This is the case that I've been waiting for. That I've been dreaming of. This is going to put this issue in the national spotlight, is going to turn the tide for gay marriage. My fight is not about marriage. It's about equality. It's about a cop getting the benefits she deserves... Not about marriage? Are you kidding me? I'm sorry. I just... I'm very passionate about this. If you were married and not this bullshit, second-class citizen domestic partner crap, but married, there wouldn't be an issue. Stacie would be entitled to your benefits. Hell, if you and I got married tomorrow, I'd be entitled to your benefits. Is that a proposal? Oh, honey, I'll marry you. But I wouldn't know what to do with your vagina. Oh, my God. I just don't want this whole political thing to take over our lives. We need to get you better. All this hoopla isn't necessary. All we need are Ocean County voters at the next Freeholder meeting. Radicals and strangers from New York aren't going to convince these guys. I am not a radical and I am not from New York. I am a middle-class, Jewish homosexual from New Jersey. How about you, sweetheart? I'm a straight, white, Anglo-Saxon, ex-Protestant, atheist cop. You okay with that, sweetheart? I am. That is very hot. It's an opportunity to change the world. Laurel, this can be your legacy. It is not a local story, Mark. It's an outrageous miscarriage of justice. I'm giving you the opportunity to cover this nationally. Yes. Okay. Well, you know what? If your editor doesn't see how important this story is, then he is an idiot, or a closeted homophobe. Yes, you heard me. We need more entenmann's. Hey, you got room. You can pull up. Why don't you get out of our town? Just get out of here, you lesbian bitch! Get the hell out of here! Get out! Assholes! You goddamn dyke! You okay? Yeah. Hello? What? I'm coming. I'm coming. Go! Laurel? Laurel? What happened? All of sudden she was so confused. She didn't know where she was. And I didn't know what to do. She's gonna be okay. Patients only. Laurel? I love you! I love you! What's going on? The cancer spread to her brain. And her lymph nodes. And the side of her neck. Jesus. The doctor said that... That we're not trying to cure anything anymore. That we're just trying to buy a little time. I... I thought we had a few years. I had myself convinced. Oh, God. So the meeting's tomorrow? Yeah. Steven's got all kinds of big things in the works. Protesters. Speeches. And who knows? He might shoot himself out of a cannon. Wrapped in a rainbow flag. Now, if we win, I hope I'm still around to see it. Hey. Hey, don't talk like that. They're gonna get you all sorted out with this radiation thing. I have a very sensitive bullshit meter, and it's ringing off the hook right now. I expect the truth from you, partner. Okay. I'm worried about Stacie. Yeah, you know. She's trying to accept it. She's had so much to deal with. She's so young. It's not fair. Life's not fair. No, it isn't. Sorry I never told you the truth all those years. You know maybe I... maybe I wanted people to think we were into each other. It was just easier. You know, for me. Maybe I thought you wouldn't want to be my friend. I should have known better. I have no regrets. Justice for Laurel! Justice for Laurel! Justice for Laurel! Everyone! Energy! Energy! Justice for Laurel! Justice for Laurel! Justice for Laurel! Justice for Laurel! All right. All right. Hi, sweetie. Are you one of us? No, I'm not. Do you wanna be? I can make it happen. Come on, guys. The more of us show up at this meeting, the more they know the department's behind her. And if they say yes, then my tax dollars go to her girlfriend. Yeah. The same way your wife gets your pension if you die. Yeah, but she's my wife. The chief says it's a political issue and we can't take sides. What's political about a cop getting screwed out of her pension? Who's coming to the meeting? Oh. Don't put yourselves out. She'd back up any of you in a heartbeat. And she's dying! But, hey, you know, she's a dyke so who gives a shit? Cowards. Well, now we know for sure. Dane Wells is a fag. Why don't you just back off? Why don't you just let me know when you're gonna come out of the closet, Julio? Dane? I just wanted to say that I think you're doing the right thing. Well, show up for Laurel. I can't. I'm sorry. We never had this conversation. You have the power! You have the power! You can do this! It's out of our hands. It is in your hands. You have the power! You have the power! Ladies and gentlemen, please sit down. Please sit down. Please. You can do this! You have the power! You have the power! You can do this! This all came out in the shower this morning. I got this. You're so professional. - I try. - No, it's good. You did good. - Ready? - Yeah. I know I'm the type of guy who scares you. I'm a big, loud, gay Jew. You don't scare me. Laurel Hester gave the citizens of Ocean County justice for 23 years. And now she's asking you to give her justice in return. You have the power. We don't have that option. You do! The Domestic Partnership Act gives you the option to grant benefits. You have the power. You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! This is not a local crowd. They've been shipped in here. No. I see some locals. Please! Please! You have the power! You have the power! It's in your hands. You have the power! Ocean County cannot afford to do this. Actually, we can afford it. The question is, who tells us how to spend the county's money? That is for us and our constituents to decide. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No! Shame! Shame! Shame on you! - Yes? - Hello? Father John Thompson-Quartey, Saint Mary's episcopal church. Point Pleasant Beach. Laurel and Stacie have been to my church. And now I've heard that some of you believe that Laurel Hester's relationship with Stacie Andree is not sanctioned by God. And that is why you are taking this position! No. No. Father... Would you like to hear what Jesus actually said about homosexuality? I will tell you what he said! And I quote. That's right. Jesus said nothing on the subject! But he said plenty about compassion! Please. Well, Father, there are definitely Old Testament verses that... You want to get us sued here? Don't cut me off. Look, ladies and gentlemen. I understand this issue. My uncle died of lung cancer. It's terrible. And I have always tried to do the right thing, but we need to look at the total picture. Please. Please! Please! I am begging you. I am begging you. Do this for Laurel! You can do this. You have the power. You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! Hey, get off your knees. Listen to me! Listen to me! This is a circus. It's gonna backfire. It's political theater. And you know what? If you think you can do better, there's the mic! Unless you're afraid they're gonna think you're gay. You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! All right! All right! Hello, Detective Wells. Hello. Gentlemen. I was born and raised in Ocean County. I'm a piney. Or a constituent, as Mr. Johnson would like to say. I'm straight, by the way. I also happen to be Laurel Hester's partner on the force. We've worked together for many, many years now, and I can tell you from first-hand experience that she is about as fine an officer as Ocean County could hope to have. Now, Laurel, Stacie, and I could solve this problem real quick, okay? I could go get a justice of the peace, take him to Laurel, and we could get married. Then when she dies I'd get her pension. No questions asked. I could pass it along to Stacie. No problem. But we're not gonna do that because Laurel would never agree to it. I used to tease Laurel about her integrity, her ideals, because I'm one of those cynical, hard-ass cops who likes to say he doesn't believe in the system or justice. But Laurel does. She believes in it. The whole deal. So what's it gonna be? Can I go to Laurel right now and tell her she can die in peace, with dignity, because she was right? Because in this one instance justice has prevailed. - Come on. - Yeah. Thank you, Detective Wells. We anguish over this situation. And Detective Hester is in our prayers. But our decision is gonna have to stand. The state made a bad law. The state made a bad law and it's up to them to fix it. Not up to us. So Detective Hester's request is denied. This meeting is adjourned. We tried the carrot. Now we're gonna try the stick. The number one source of income in this county is what? Tourism! And what are we gonna do? Boycott Ocean County! Boycott Ocean County! What the hell were you doing in there, Bryan? Huh? I'm in agony over this, okay? My wife and daughter look at me like I'm a serial killer. I was watching you. You're on our side. I'm one vote out of five. Convince the others! That's easy for you to say. Where are your fellow cops? You can't even get them to come to a meeting. Some people get a pension, some people don't. Some people get two or three. Life isn't fair. Does that help you sleep at night? Kiss my ass. Water? Drink. Thank you. You look so tired. Why don't you go home and get some rest? No. - Come on. - No, I can't leave her. She needs me here. Thanks, Mom. Hey. They turned her down again. I don't even know if I can tell her. Tell him about the insurance. - No. - Tell him. Come on. Tell me about the insurance. I got this letter from the insurance company saying that she has, like, three sick days left and then she loses her medical benefits and life insurance and everything. She's been fighting the insurance companies, the doctors. I can handle it. I'll do something. No, no. Come on. Let me take care of it. I need to do something. Please? Okay. Okay. Thanks. _ What's this? Any officer can assign his or her sick days to another officer. Yeah, but what if you get sick? You're not gonna get those days back. Am I right, Chief? You don't get them back. So you're screwed. You bleeding hearts. That dyke wouldn't do it for me. Yes, she would. Fine. I'll give her one day. One day. How about three? Don't push it. Make it five, Toohey. Fellows, fellows. Don't pressure him. You never know. He might get the sniffles. All right. Five. Happy? We're standing by our decision. Just keep your men in line. So now the police department is against us? They're donating sick days. It doesn't mean anyone is against us. Have you read the papers? We're being ridiculed! Yeah, by who? The New York Times? Who cares? The local papers are supporting Hester, and I'm getting a lot of calls. Yeah, from outsiders. And from the locals, Bill! It seems like we are sticking to a losing position because of some personal beliefs. Why shouldn't I vote according to my personal beliefs? I'm not ashamed of them. We give in on this, we are putting the state one step closer to gay marriage, and if I do that, how can I face my family? Huh? My friends. _ _ What? Their Christmas is gonna suck. Who? Those women. The ones you're screwing over. Maya? This is politics. I'm running for re-election next year. I can do a lot of good for our town. But not if I lose my job over this one thing. You understand? If you die does Mom get your pension? What do you want, Dane? What do you mean some people get more than one pension? I never said that. Yeah, you did. Something about life isn't fair. Some people have a pension, some don't. Some have more than one. Do the Freeholders get multiple pensions? I'm not gonna answer that question directly. It's in the public record. Payroll department. If you say I told you this, I'll deny it. Of course you will. It's okay. I don't know who that is. Hello? Hey, I need to talk to Laurel. - It's important. - Okay. Laurel, it's Dane. - Hey, partner. - Hey. Remember the Selco case? It was, like, five years ago? Yeah, sure. They hid their names in the records somehow but you managed to find them anyway. How'd you do that? They used versions of their full names. An initial and a middle name. Or two initials. So a regular computer search couldn't find them. Right. Thanks. Good night. Yeah. Get some rest. First, I think we're gonna start with a wide. Then we're gonna move to a medium. All that matters is the close-up, right? We wanna see what's going on behind her eyes. - Hi, Stacie. - Hi, Stacie. It is a 30-second spot, supporting gay marriage. I'm fighting for equality. Laurel? Come on. Like it or not, you're an activist. You're a gay marriage activist now. Just say it. Just say the "M" word just once. Equality. Can I have a minute? Just a minute? Sure, yes. We'll be back. Step out. Step out. What's the problem? Do you want some applesauce? No. What's wrong? What's wrong? I hate how he pushes this stuff on you. It's okay. No. It takes your energy and then you don't wanna eat. No, I have to do it. I have to do it while there's time. There is. - No. - Yeah. - We don't know that. - Yeah. We don't know that, babe. You know, with the time I have left, my priority is you. I'm still a police officer. We're taught to do the right thing. I'm gonna do the right thing for you. The only thing I care about is justice for the woman that I love. And that's you. Is that okay? Yeah. When you see this. I will have passed away from cancer. The county refused to give death benefits to my partner. Gay couples are fighting for equality. Please support them. What makes you think they'll change their minds? Instinct. And something I found out about their pensions. You need cover. How about this? How about the governor says that thanks to the Freeholders he realizes that the domestic partnership law is flawed and he is willing to support changing the law? That way they go from villains to heroes. You have access to the governor? Oh, honey, are you kidding me? That man is number three on my speed dial. Okay. That'll work. And Steven? Yes? Don't call me honey. I love you, too. Let's set up right here. Okay. Are you ready? All right? Where's Bill? He had to make a sudden trip to Pennsylvania. A family emergency. Bullshit. He thinks if he stays away we won't vote because we have to vote in a unanimous block. That's the tradition. Dane Wells is prepared to tell the press that some of us are getting multiple pensions. How does he know that? I told him. Why? Is it a secret? No. It's not a secret. Dane Wells can go screw himself. I do two jobs for the county. I'll get two pensions. Big deal. It's legal and it's common. Imagine the headlines. "Freeholders get several pensions while dying cop gets none." We'll look like idiots if we change our minds now. It'll look like we cave. That's what you do when your ass is against the wall! You cave! The Board of Freeholders doesn't reverse itself. That's all there is to it. Besides if Bill's absent, we can't vote. We need to cancel the meeting. We are not canceling the meeting. That's the governor. The governor's got no authority over county officials. Governor? What's going on out there? Another Freeholder meeting about that lesbian's pension. Where are you going? Going down to that Freeholder meeting. I'm gonna show my support for another gay cop. Does anybody have anything they wanna say about that? How about you, Toohey? I'm going in my office and I'm closing the door. And if anybody wants to duck out for any reason, I won't notice. You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! You have the power! Please sit down. We can't start... About time. Ladies and gentlemen, please, please, please. We've called this meeting today... We're here today to address the issue of extending domestic partnership benefits to county employees. So if anyone wishes to make a comment, now would be a good time. I just wanted to let you know that time is of the essence. All I'm asking is that you make a change. Are you okay? Are you okay? Um... I hate speaking in public. I really hate it. And I never really cared about this whole pension thing. I never understood why it was so important to Laurel. But now I think I get it. We're just average people. We have a house, and a dog, and we pay our taxes. And we're not perfect. We have our differences and our disagreements. I love motorcycles and she hates them. Our house, it isn't fancy. But it was a labor of love. You know, working on it and renovating it. And Laurel put a lot of thought into every detail. The light fixtures and the tile. And, um... we worked so hard on it 'cause we thought we were gonna live in it forever. But I guess that's not gonna happen. So the house, I'd just really like to hold onto it, you know? To remember... to remember how much we love each other. Thank you. Thank you. On the motion of extending domestic partnership benefits to county employees, Freeholder Kelder, how do you vote? Yes. Freeholder Wickery? Freeholder Wickery? Yes. Freeholder Santucci? Thanks for hanging me out to dry. I vote yes. It's unanimous. The motion is passed. I love you guys! I love you! Thank you! Thank you for opening your hearts! Yes! Hey, Laurel. How're you doing, Chief? We got a conviction against the men who killed Tommy and Debbie Cherico. Put them away for life. Thanks to you. And we're pleased to inform you that you've been promoted to the rank of lieutenant in the Ocean County Police Department. Congratulations. Thanks, Chief. Congratulations, partner. Let me see. Will you marry me? Yes. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Platoon, attention! Present arms! Order arms! About face! Piece of garbage. I don't know. Maybe it's not so bad. Maybe I'll keep it. Do you want it? You want it back? Then you're gonna have to get it. Come and get it. _ _ _ _ _ [skateboard scraping] [birds chirping] [water splashing] [man] I've been accused of being an underachiever. Hey, I'd rather underachieve than surpass my potential and remain insignificant. [upbeat music plays] So, I was raised by my mother, a self-proclaimed spiritualist. She did her best to teach me things like openness and tolerance, and... I don't know. I wasn't paying attention. My mind was on other things. After my father left, my mother yearned for meaning in her new life, to fill a hole she never knew existed. And when I wasn't otherwise distracted, I guess I soaked up everything she did. Before long, I knew more about religion and so-called spirituality than most theologians. Who knew that all that residual knowledge would ever have any significance in my life. [woman moaning] You kidding me? What? My, uh... my buddy's TV show's on. I gotta watch it. You... you should see this. To lift his arms above his head. God is healing those joints right now. I see a man. A man gripped... gripped by the homosexual lifestyle, but God is... God is stepping in and taking over, and he... he is cured of that abomination at this very moment. There is a tornado coming... There is a tornado... What, are you leaving? It's late. I gotta go. If I'm not home when John gets there, he'd kill the both of us. I thought you two broke up. I mean, it's better this way. Absolutely. You understand. It's not personal. You had me at "I gotta go." You don't have to be a dick about it. Wait, what? Well, you think you can just fuck me and kick me out? I'm sorry. Did I miss something? I'm so stupid. This was a mistake. Everybody was right about you. You're an asshole. "Everybody?" My name is the Reverend Guy Roy Davis, and your television is my church. [upbeat music playing] [woman] "Hi, sweetheart. Did a past-life regression yesterday, and guess what. You and I were twins in Atlantis. Pretty wild, huh? I have an opportunity to study with the Brahma Kumaris in Melbourne. Wish me luck." Good luck, Mom. Hi. You can't pretend you're not home when I can see you. You know how that works, right? Sorry, Bob. Thought it might be you. If I lived on the water like this, I would be fishing every day. Crack of dawn. - You wanna go fishing? - I do. Do you have any bait? Go dig around by the edge of the lake. Grab a bucket or something. I'll be down in a second. Great. I got something I wanna run by you. A very special opportunity. Ah. Did you watch the show last night? Yeah. I did. Pretty sure you've reached an all-time low with that guy. I'm glad you said that. Jack, you're charming. Sort of. And that's what the show needs. "Sort of charm" Jack Harriman. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. What? I want you on the show. I want you on the goddamn show. You want me on the goddamn religion show? Well, religion, philosophy, whatever you want. You've seen it all. Yeah, well, I would, Bob, but I just remembered I have anything else to do. It's a panel with a reverend and maybe a couple of other guys. I don't wanna see you miss a very special opportunity. So... you want me to... To debate religion, philosophy, whatever, with your reverend? In a word, yes. All right. That's awesome. I knew I could count on you. They should call your lake "no fish," because I've never ever caught anything here. Not even a nibble. Let's try it over there. Hmm. Okay. [sighs] Lord Almighty. Oh, baby. How did you do that? How did you know that fish was there? Hey, so I'll see you at 2:00 a.m. tonight. Don't wear white. Okay, well, look, it may not look like much, but within these hallowed walls, ideas are transmitted to homes across the entire television cable system. How many homes? Well, that depends upon whom you ask. Gentlemen, change in format today. This is Jack Harriman, and he is going to round out the panel. Oh, good. Fine. We're gonna have a discussion with the three of you, and I am going to moderate. Jack, why don't you head over there and then they'll mic you up. Excuse me. You... you're going to moderate? I was under the impression that I was hosting the program. Yes, you were. Jack, and you'll sit in the middle, and then, Pete, if you could be on that end. And, Reverend, if you could just grab an edge over there. Hello. I'm Guy Roy Davis. Yes, you are. Saw your show last night. Oh. That was God's TV show, sir. Come here. - Okay. - No, not yet. Get a room, you two. 'Cause the hug. Hey, I'm Peter Davis. No relation to the rev. But you guys can just call me Pete if you want. - Hi, Pete. - Yeah. [Bob] Okay, I think we're in position here. Wha... I need to know the new guy's credentials. No time, Guy Roy. Are we ready to go here? Yeah? Let's light this candle. Welcome to Divine Access. I couldn't be more pleased. I'd like to welcome my guests today. Guy Roy Davis, Jack Harriman, and Peter Davis. Hey, uh, and Davis, no relation to the rev. And you can just call me Pete. Listen, Peter, I'm sure our viewers have noticed that you're wearing a funny little hat upon your head there. Would you like to tell us about it? Oh, I'd love to, but it's not a hat. It is a pyramid, and I wear it because all throughout time... Like, look at the ancient Egyptians. They understood very clearly, if you take food and you put it under a pyramid, the food doesn't spoil. Or if you take a dull knife and you put it under a pyramid, it becomes sharp again. - That's amazing. - Yeah. And it's the same way with your thought process. The pyramid focuses your thoughts. So, I like to say that the pyramid is like, uh, glasses for your third eye. Or, like... I guess, like, a monocle for your third eye. [scoffs] That's amazing. You talked that long and said absolutely nothing. It's preposterous. Okay, so we have some differences of opinions here. Jack, what is your take on Pyramid Pete's theory? I think it's awesome. [chuckles] Thank you. I haven't heard anything about pyramids in years, but I'm, uh, I'm behind that 100%. [Guy Roy] Oh, please. Reverend Davis, you seem to have a problem with what Pyramid Pete is saying. Yes, I do. I think that anyone who is looking for clarity of thought should look no further than a more ancient source than the Egyptians, and I refer to the Old Testament, the word of God. Well, the way I see it, Reverend, is that Jesus Christ was a... Was a rebel. He was a badass, right? I'm a big fan of Jesus. Jesus, Abraham, the Buddha, all the heavies. And I think that Pete's a pretty good guy, too. Hey, thanks. And I just wanna say, if you wanted to have your own pyramid, that is something that I offer And, actually, you know, they come in different sizes, and it's $14.95, and, uh... Well, one size, but three colors. [chanting in foreign language] Reverend, is there something that you would like to add? I am speaking in tongues. [chanting continues] You know, Reverend, speaking in tongues wasn't exactly what happened at the Pentecost. - I mean, if you... - Oh. Yeah, if you check out your New Testament... - I see. - You'll find that one man spoke in his own language, and he was understood by a gathering of people of all languages, which I think is a great story, great metaphor. Well, that's it for Divine Access. I would like to thank our guests, Guy Roy Davis, Jack Harriman, and Peter Davis. Until next week... peace. - [scoffs] - [man] Cut. Just... All right, that's it. That's it. "Peace?" All right, Mr. Catfish, come and get it. [exhales] You are a popular man, Jack. Clearly. Thank you. Phone's been ringing off the hook. Congratulations. You don't get it. I been doing Divine Access for three months now, and never, and I mean never, has there been a response like this. - Really? - Oh, yeah. How many calls? Can I please get one of those? Thanks. It's not how many. It's how inspired. - That's what's... - How many? Like, 100? 200? What? Four. - 400? - Not 400. Four. But I had never gotten a single call before you. So... Well, four people in a city of almost a million, that's... that's a groundswell. Well, you haven't heard the best part. There's this group. They call themselves the Esoteric Fellowship. They're a little strange, but they saw you on Divine Access, and they would like you to speak at their next meeting. No. No, I did your show as a favor to you, okay? Maybe a little bitch-slap to your evangelist buddy, but I gotta go find a real job now. Well, it does pay $100. All right, I'll do it. Really? It's not that much. That's awesome. All right. We're gonna get you warmed up tonight. I'm gonna get you back on TV. You're gonna get the feel of it. I'm gonna give you Guy Roy's spot. We're gonna make this official. Don't you have a contract with that guy or something? This is cable access. Contract? That's adorable. I'll handle it. Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. The tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap at 2:00 upon the teeth. The tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap at 2:00 upon the teeth. Unique, New York, unique New York, unique New York. My name is Reverend Guy Roy Davis, and your television is my church. [knock at door] Hey! Hey. Can't you see the light? What is the meaning of this? What is he doing here? I made an executive decision. No, you had no right to do that. My flock is counting on me to give them the message of the Lord. Guy Roy, get out. You. You will regret this, and you too. You both will regret this. Mark my words. The Lord Almighty will reign vengeance down upon you. Beware! Nice job handling it. I forgot to call him. So... go. [theme music plays] Hi, I'm Jack Harriman. You're watching Divine Access, which probably means you have no life, so let's talk about it. Bob, what's... what's the number here? Hmm? Bob doesn't know the number. If anybody out there knows the number, give us a call. Let us know. [Jack] Mostly because... not really paying attention, but as far as the future goes, well, let's not... let's not think about the future. We're here in this moment right now. I'm here. You're here. This... this is all that matters. [telephone rings] Hello. You're on Divine Access. [man] Your show sucks, dickwad. 'Kay. Is there anything else? - [man] What do you mean? - [man #2] We just totaled you. Well, thanks for calling. Oh, hey, uh, uh, what's the number here? What? Oh, okay. Uh, (201) 901-8215. (201) 901-8215 is the number. Give us a call. [Jack] You ever think about our orbit around the sun? Unless the earth gets knocked off its axis, this time next year we're gonna be in the exact same place in space that we are right now. [telephone rings] Hello. You're on Divine Access. [man] Yeah, I just had a question that concerns a detail in the Bible. Well, I'm probably not gonna be the best help with that kind of stuff. I mean, you know how open to interpretation the good book is. Well, I wanted to know about the food that God considers unclean. Well, I can tell you this. Back when religions were nothing more than basically startup companies, God took a more hands-on approach. He would actually speak to people, and he would do so as though they were children. So, instead of saying, "Don't take raw pork or raw oysters out into the desert on a long hike, it's gonna spoil and you'll get sick," He would make His point stronger by saying, "Hey, that food's unclean." So, you're saying, like, I could eat shrimp if I want to, right? I'm not gonna make that call. That's up to you. I sure do like shrimp. Me too. One of the great theological dilemmas, - isn't it? - [telephone rings] Yeah, it's kind of like the speed limit or the rules to Monopoly. Nobody really expects you to follow 'em. Yeah, I had a girlfriend who had a bird once. Lasted six days. But I don't want to tell you what to do, okay? Treat it like a bad burn. Just leave it alone. Stop playing with it. Yeah, dogs are great, aren't they? As long as they're somebody else's? All right, thanks. Thanks for calling. [telephone rings] - One more call? - No. Time. - Let's take one more. - [telephone rings] Hello, you're on Divine Access. [woman] You make a lot of sense, Jack, but you seem to lack any conviction. [Jack] Did you have a question, or are you just calling in to help me out? Well, my question is this. Do you believe the things that you say? Well, I think what's important is whether or not you believe 'em. Clever. But the question still remains. People aren't looking for hollow words. People are looking to be led by somebody with compassion. I think you're overstating the value of this show. Certainly of me. So, you don't feel responsible for the things that you say? Yes, I don't. People will never be able to separate the messenger from the message. And if you don't take responsibility for your words, you'll do more harm than good. I would love to continue this conversation, but I'm being told our time is up. Caller, I... I didn't get your name? Hello? Well, that's our show for tonight. Thanks for watching. We'll see you next time. "We are not worthy of your light. Your... your eternal love welcomes us to Heaven. We follow you. We follow you as servants. We follow... we follow you as disci..." Ah. [sighs] Show me a sign, O Lord. Oh, speak to me, Heavenly Father. [man on intercom] Guy Roy. Cleanup on aisle seven. Bring a mop. [groans softly] We've been trying to place you. Place me where? Oh, we've seen you somewhere. Are you from television? You're the guy that we saw on that cable access show. Oh, yeah! So, you guys saw that? What were you naughty girls doing up that late? Oh, it's only on, like, 20 times a day. Okay, maybe you can give me some advice. [sighs] All right. Okay, so my... so my boyfriend... My boyfriend's been treating me like shit, and he never has any free time to spend with me, but he always has enough time to go golfing or wakeboarding with his buddies. So, you're pissed off because he's having a good time without you? Yeah. You know the word "namaste"? Trendy little greeting at your local yoga center? Well, the actual translation is, "I bow to the divine in you." Hmm. Maybe instead of fixating on the things you don't like about him, you might wanna embrace the things you do. And if you can't find anything divine in him, let him go. Are you saying she should break up with her boyfriend? Maybe. Or maybe she should just have a cheap, torrid affair with somebody. Maybe somebody on television. - [chuckles] - Oh... You're funny. You're funny. [laughs] You think you're hot shit don't you? What's up, John? Did you fuck her? Did you fuck my girlfriend? Yes or no? [bottle thuds] Yes. Okay. That's it? For now. Well, that guy has no idea how close he just came to getting his ass kicked. You slept with his girlfriend? Wasn't a whole lot of sleeping going on. Hmm. So, you don't take any more responsibility for your actions than you do your words, huh? You know what? You can't separate the messenger from the message. Where have I heard that before? [belches] Whew. Hmm. [distant laughter] It's a very hospitable crowd. Really. Nothing to worry about. I'm not worried. Almost forgot. Here's your cash. That's so uncool. You're gonna... You're gonna count it? There's only $90 here. - 10% is industry standard. - Jack. Oh. Welcome. And thank you so much for coming. - You ready? - I'm 90% ready. That's a bullshit attitude. - All right. - Anyway. It's gonna be great. Can I have your attention? Members of the Esoteric Fellowship, this is what we've all been waiting for. Please welcome Jack Harriman. Nothing to worry about. Not worried. Do I look... do I look worried? Greetings. Shalom. Namaste. Welcome. On the way out here, a couple people told me not to worry. I think that's good advice. Wonder how many people in here tonight are worried? How about a show of hands? How many? There you go. Okay. Who's worried? Makes you feel any better... I'll take on the chore. I'll be the designated worrier. All right? Relax, everybody. We're gonna have some fun tonight. All right, listen. A priest, rabbi, Baptist preacher, atheist, and a Buddhist all in a very small boat... Well, what can I say, Jack? You're a natural. I'm just telling people what they wanna hear. Fortunes have been built on less. Little Zen, little est, little Alcoholics Anonymous. It's a stew, really. I'm telling you, Jack, this is just the beginning. Beginning of what? I'm putting you on a speaking tour. - I'm gonna do it. - [chuckles] Oh, no, you can stay home and hang Sheetrock and smash your fingers with a hammer every now and then. That's your call. [man] Mr. Harrigan. It's "Harriman." Jack Harriman. Well, my name's Lonnie Sparks, and I wonder if I could have a word with you. All right. Sure. Well, I lost my job down at the rendering plant. I'm sorry to hear that. That's a tough break. Week later, mama had to take Junior to the clinic and they found the sugar diabetes all throughout him. I... I don't know what to tell you. Uh, take care of yourself so you can take care of your family. Can I ask for your blessing? - Please? - No... Just to get us over this here rough patch. That... You don't understand. That's not... That's not what I do, okay? What... What are you doing? Yep, there he goes. All right, come on. I gotcha. I gotcha. Yeah, all right. Just go ahead. Yep. Feel it. Yep. All right. What the fuck is happening here? Name's Nigel. I'm a... I'm a catcher. - You're a what? - A catcher. Yeah, I... I worked all the tent revivals down south there. Yeah, I could see what was about to happen. See, when a preacher goes to laying' his hands on folks, I'm there to catch 'em when they fall. How long do they normally spaz out like that? Just depends on how hard the spirit hit 'em. Sometimes it's like a karate chop, and sometimes it's just a little Eskimo kiss. He's not liable to swallow his tongue or anything? No, I never seen nothing like that, no. Shoot, one time I laid out 88 worshippers overcome by the spirit. Yeah, not a broken fingernail among 'em. That was my record. The trick is to kind of just flow with 'em when they're hitting the ground there, right? Just kind of... the way that bullfighter encompasses the movement of the bull. That's very interesting. We should probably leave. [Jack] Well, we can't just... Can't just leave him there like that, can we? He's fine, though. [Nigel] Yeah, he's... he's fine. Look at him. He's enjoying himself. You can tell. Okay. I... I sure would love to hire onto your outfit, if you'd have me. I can furnish references. Listen, you're gonna need a good catcher. [computer beeps rapidly] I did it. [beeping continues] This... look at this. [Nigel] There he goes. There he goes. There he goes. [Jack] Well, that explains the shit ton of emails. What the fuck have you done, Bob? You think... think maybe I should have been consulted before you went and did this? I feel like I'm being attacked here. I made an executive decision. Do you think that's easy? There's a lot of pressure there. Maybe I should get a little bit of credit. That was already out there. I just sort of repackaged it for promotional purposes. Look. We've already got thousands of hits. I'm sorry that I yelled at you. "Hi, Jack. You can put your hands on me any time." That's what she said. And it really is. Making that all the funnier. Think of the money. Holy shit. "If you're ever in Corpus Christi, you can heal my brains out." - How about that? - That's not clever. These people clearly need you, Jack. Think of the good you could do. And the lives you could touch. I'm in. And if you're not gonna do it for them, - do it for me. - I said I'll do it. You've made me a happy man. All right. You're on the road next week. Let's start in Corpus Christi. I'm gonna give you my car. And then maybe Brownsville. I gotta put Nigel on the payroll. San Angelo. Definitely San Angelo. [mouse clicks] - Ooh. - Ooh. We can skip Beaumont. I'm not even sure that's a real person. [exhales] Where're they going in such a hurry? [high-pitched] They're going to hell, reverend. Straight to hell. Well, the Hilton was booked, so I got you the next best thing. You're a class act, Bob. Hey, Jack, it's just a trial run. Six cities in seven nights. All right, time to go. Last chance. You wanna come along? No? Okay. Well, I'd love to, but I got a lot of stuff to do here. Man behind the curtain stuff, you know. This time next year, you're gonna have your own tour bus. Action figures, bobble heads, inflatable dolls. [Nigel] Bye, Pastor Bob. Thanks. Seatbelt doesn't seem to work. - Yours? - Yeah, you'll be all right. Well, Pastor Bob sure is nice, huh? Sure seems to like you a lot. So, can you actually support yourself as a... a catcher? Well, sure, you can. Yeah. Besides, you don't always choose your job, right? Sometimes your job chooses you. Well, I don't think you're gonna have much to do. Well, we'll see. Hi. Is this Doreen? Hi, Doreen. It's... it's Jack Harriman. Yeah. Well, I'm, uh, I'm in town, giving a talk tonight. I just thought... Yeah. Perfect. Okay. All right. I'll see you then. See the blonde? Third row. Holy Tole... Should, uh, go... Go sit down next to her. When the speech is over, bring her backstage. What if she won't come back? You're a catcher, right? Go catch. [clears throat] Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Harriman. [Nigel clapping] Are we not... clapping? [sighs] Hi. Guess what? Good news. I'm not here to save you. You're here to save yourselves. So, um, I... I just wanna let you know that I need to get to know a guy before I go any further. [rock music] [grunts] Baby, come back here. - Just... - [moans] Okay. Ugh... wait, wait, wait! No. She's a business major. At a junior college. I could tell she had brains. You think I'll go to hell for this? No, no, no. Maybe purgatory. Yeah. What's the difference? In... in purgatory, the flames are just as hot, but you don't end up going there forever like you do in hell. So, you'll spend a little time there. I can live with that. Hey, Jack. I got a question for you. That speech you made, you believe everything you said there? Do you? Yeah, I guess. Let's see if they believe it in Brownsville. [humming] What about our supper, mini Jesus? Do I really wanna cook anything tonight? You could always just have cereal. Thank you, MJ. Should we, uh, should we get some bananas for our cereal, MJ? As long as they're not too ripe. I think you're right. I think you're right, MJ. Thank you. Thank you for pointing it out. And you know what? Thank you for making it so easy to talk to folks and spread the word. [man] Guy Roy? You've worked here for two... three years now. I just wanna let you know that you have finally succeeded in totally freaking me out. Well, I'm sure that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ freaked out his share of disbelievers as well. God damn, dude. That's the shit I'm talking about. I shall not use the Lord's name in vain. Amen, MJ. This is too much. I'm sorry. I'm taking you off the schedule. What? You can't take me off the schedule. Hey. [laughter] Wait. Why? Or should I? What's in it for me? What's the payoff? Well, some people strive for a proper life, try to do the right thing out of fear. Fear of damnation. Or for the... The reward of salvation. Well, what if there was no endgame? What if we... did the right thing simply out of compassion? Love for our fellow man? And our fellow women. [applause] What are you working on? Oh, just a... Just a little scribbling. About our trip. You mind if I take a look? It's not real... sure. "And it came to pass on the second day of the journey in the region of Hays County, a merchant of garments posed a question to Jack." "Merchant of garments?" It was that T-shirt salesman up in San Marcos. Little flowery. "A merchant of garments posed a question to Jack. 'How may I find meaning in a life that is consumed with providing for my family? ' Jack said, 'Look within.'" Is that what you heard? You know... [scoffs] I felt like that's what you were suggesting. What I said to the guy was, "What are you asking me for? Do what makes you happy. Watch TV. Join a bowling league." Right. You know, I can change it. I just... [chuckles] back home, I'm part of this writer's group, and it's interesting when we all write about one thing, you know, the different impressions about the same experience. But in the end, only one of us can be right. [clears throat] What do you see there? - A glass. - Wrong. It's a mug. See, we're both looking at the same thing. From your vantage point, it was a glass. From mine, it's a mug. The object is constant. Perspective is different. Now, the only difference between religion and that mug is I'm not willing to kill you to prove it's a mug. Jack, that's actually quite good. You gonna use that tonight? I don't do props. He doesn't do props. Where does knowledge come from, MJ? All knowledge is born from the fear of God. And why should people be good? To avoid the eternal damnation in the fiery hell storm of Satan's lair among all the other non-believers. You mean to tell me that people aren't basically good? [laughs] That's a good one, reverend. - What do you think? - It's a little dark. We're committed to saving souls. You should be committed. No, no, you don't understand. I have tapped into a whole new younger demographic with MJ here. Clearly. Look, reverend, I'm sorry, but this just isn't going to work out. But best of luck. To the both of you. Bob. Hey, Bob! It's not too late to repent. [knock at door] - Hey. - Hi. - Gloria. - Yes. Yeah. Your photo doesn't do you justice. Thank you. Did... do you... Do you want me to come inside? No, let's go grab a drink. Okay. Do you believe in soul mates? Did you read that book? I feel you and I are soul mates. I don't live with my mother anymore. Just... Um, I moved out recently. I'm so tired of spending time with people that just have no sense of spirituality. "Get out," is what she said to me. I have warts, but I don't have them in the bad place. I had to break up with my ex-boyfriend because his room was so not feng shui, and it was hard for me to have an orgasm. Watch where you're going, you fucking asshole! People have told me my voice is very soothing. Wouldn't the world be a better place if more people were spiritual? I love you. Do you believe in soul mates? I think I already said that. It doesn't matter because I think I believe in soul mates, and I think... I think what you would say... "Do y believe in soul mates?" [sighs] [dog panting] [whimpers softly] Is he a biter, Reverend? No. No, I think he's a good dog. I think he's a good dog. Aren't you, buddy? Aren't you, buddy? [dog growling] Mini Jesus! Faith. It's a curious thing, isn't it? To believe in something absolutely. Without question. Without reason. Faith can keep us going. Or it can make us do monstrous things. And you can believe with all your heart in, um... in the Bible. The stories depicted there that may or may not have happened thousands of years ago. And if you live your life according to those teachings in a positive way, nobody gets hurt in the process, then you put your faith to good work. How about reincarnation? If that's your thing. You follow that path, embrace that in a positive way, how's anybody gonna argue with that? If you believe that outer space is filled with tiny little creatures that travel between the planets in flying saucers... and their company gives you peace, in your mind, that's great. That's great. Me, I don't know. I don't know about any of those beliefs. I guess I don't have the faith. But what I do know... is that we all have this life here. Now. In common with each other. So, believe what you wanna believe. Really, it's all, it's all fine. Me... I'm gonna concentrate on this life, because this is the only one that even a person without faith cannot deny. And we are all... all of us here for the... Briefest amount of time. We gotta make that count for something, don't we? For each other? For ourselves. You got a name? Marian. What's your story, Marian? Following me? Why would I follow somebody who doesn't know where he's going? That's good. I like that. Can I use that? [chuckles] If you're lucky. [exhales] So, um, how does this work, Jack? Is this where I tell you how much we have in common and then you show me the light? 'Cause I have to admit, it is a... pretty sweet deal. Let's do it. Oh, I don't have much experience at this, but I know that that hasn't stopped you before. Not what you thought it was gonna be, is it, Jack? Why are you doing this? You seem to know everything. You tell me. I wanna hear your version. [bottle cap clatters] I'm selling ideas for cash. Whose ideas are they? Theirs. Ironic, isn't it? I don't have any original thoughts. Not a single one. Don't claim to. How convenient. People are desperate for answers. Any answer. Doesn't matter if I believe it or not. Long as they do. And I'm giving 'em hope. It's all part of the show. So, those desperate people who believe in you who come to you for comfort, they're all just part of your show? Oh, Jack, you're not that guy. I know it'd be so much easier for you if you were, but... What do you want from me? You know what, what do you care anyway? [engine revs] [woman] Fuck! Open the goddamn door! Open the goddamn door, you fucking pussy! Open the goddamn door! You motherfucker! You owe me $300! Fuck! You all right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm great. You got somebody you can call? Yeah. Yeah, I've got someone I can call. They just probably wouldn't pick up the phone. I can give you a ride somewhere if that's what you need. I'm actually closed for the evening. Looks like you've had an ugly night. Thought maybe you might wanna leave it behind. What, and leave all this? Stop. I'm fine. Please. Okay. All right. Well, I'm right here. If you need anything. [door shuts] Anyway, that pastor was having a barbecue, and one of his dogs mounted another, right? So they, all of a sudden, just couldn't get 'em unstuck. You ever see that happen? They were just trying to pry 'em and everything. Nobody could do anything. Everybody was having a laugh at that error in nature. So, we had to take 'em to the vet, and, uh, that's where I saw your little pamphlet thing, and I came to your show. Oh, by the way... I made these. Now, I like 'em. I think they're simple, and we can just pass 'em out to everybody that comes to the show, right? Uh, check-in's 3:00. We should get there about noon. Should we get some food? Yeah. I'm starving. Is she still asleep back there? Like a hibernating bear. It's interesting. What? So little clothing, so much baggage. Pretty proud of yourself, aren't you? I made that up back on the freeway, but I just needed to make sure she was asleep. [Nigel] I got down on my hands and knees. I said, "Lord, you gotta help me through this. I'm not gonna be able do this myself." Man, I'll tell you, from 50 to 75, I don't remember nothin'. I just remember laying people down in front of me. I cannot believe to this day that I got to 88. I started double-teaming 'em. Going to the next, laying 'em on their backs. Put their little heads on the... Where the fuck are we? [Jack] We're right here. You want something to eat? I'm Jack. That's Nigel. Hey. Amber. Morning, Amber. You guys in trouble or something? I hope not. You're not, like, running from anybody? The cops aren't after you? Not yet, no. All right, well... It's $50 for head and $100 for everything else. Which one of you wants to fuck me first? - [coughs lightly] - It's the deal, isn't it? There's no deal. Then what the fuck am I doing here? I don't know. You tell me. All right, look, dude... It's Jack. You can call me Jack. Okay, Jack. All I'm saying is that a guy that turns down pussy is either up to something or there's something wrong with him. What the fuck are you writing down? Whoa. All right. - Calm down there, miss. - Oh, that's really cute. Well, Amber... there's the road. You can hit it if you want to. Oh, don't think I won't. Just let me inspect it. She's a charmer. Let's go. She's gonna take your money first chance she gets. What money? That's not the point, Jack. [engine starts, mariachi music plays] [woman singing in Spanish] [exhales] [sighs] The Lord is testing our resolve, MJ. Ow! Keep your faith, MJ. We need to deliver God's message. It's our mission. It is our path to eternal salvation. Isn't it? Isn't it? MJ. [sighs] All right, well, we're all set. She's on her way. What? How do you know? I saw her walking from the hotel there. Oh, Amber. Yeah. Good. Here. I don't know what you're expecting, but getting her clothes and a room and all that... Well, it's the least Bob could do. Right. Hey. What do you got against Amber, anyway? Other than the fact that she's a... a prostitute? Then, you know, nothing at all. Sweet girl. Let me tell you something, Nigel. Everyone can use a catcher now and then. Oh, no. I... I didn't mean nothing by it. I know. I know. Look, just, uh... keep an eye on her tonight. - Okay? - Yeah, sure. I really didn't... [sighs] I'm all flustered. Got my tie all messed up. I once heard something I thought was profound. "Everybody's doing the best they can." That had an impact on me. It allowed for an element of patience when I was dealing with others. I'll tell you that. But let's think about that for a second. Is everybody doing the best they can? Are they? And if so, why? Is it because people really are basically good? Is it because we do things because they feel right? When I see somebody who's having a hard time, down on their luck, sad... alone... all I can think about is... somebody loves that person. Somebody they were nice to. Somebody they went to school with. Somebody they fought a war with. Somebody who raised them. Somebody's thinking about that person right now and hoping that they're happy. No matter what they've done. You see, it's... It's really easy to forgive other people. It is hard to forgive yourself. And it is hard to believe that you are loved. Believe that you are loved. That's the best you can do. [sighs] Did I tell you the story about when I stole that tractor? Okay. Maybe another time. Actually, no, go ahead. - Tell us. - I don't wanna get you - out of your zone there. - No, no. Love to hear it. Okay. I was working for my uncle in Lubbock, and I didn't really know what I was doing. - I was trying... - [plays loud music on stereo] Okay. Okay. Okay. Fair enough. Well... call me if you need me. Yeah. Either Bob or myself. Sorry you didn't get to catch anybody. Maybe on the next tour, all right? Okay. Bye. You gonna stay in the back seat? Still wondering what the deal is? Mm, no. That's good. Someone must be having a party. Cool. Hey, what's going on? There's a man up ahead. He's got the answers to everything you ever wanted to know. What was that? Let's just say we have history. [man] Hey, is that him? Hey, that's him. Oh, sick. Hey. Get in here. So, are you always this popular? No. Normally, I hang Sheetrock and wallpaper in relative obscurity. [line rings] - Y-ellow. - Hi, Bob. What the fuck have you done now? Jack, welcome back. I got the cast of Grapes of Wrath hanging out on my front lawn. How'd they find me? That's awesome. How many are... Don't do a headcount, but... Oh, you think that's funny? It's not fuckin' funny, Bob, okay? Look, just get over here. Fix this. - I want them gone. - You gotta relax. Cavalry's on its way. I'll take care of this, okay? Just chill out. I can just go talk to them and see what they want. No. No. - We're staying here. - [laughs] Well, don't you think that you should go talk to them? What? Me? No. Yeah, you. They're here to see you. No. Bob's mess. He can fix it. They're just people, Jack. [man] Hey, Jack. Hey, he's coming. Put the hot dog down. [man] Hey, y'all, it's Jack. I know you're all here in search of something. [man] Yes, sir. I expect some of you came from pretty far away, huh? Some of you are tired. Stressed out. I know how that feels. Well, I wish I had some wisdom for you, but I don't. Just as lost as you are. Amen, brother. No, see, no. No! That... [man] Yep. Amen. I'm not a man of the cloth. You wanna pray? All right, pray. Pray... pray for each other. Or don't pray. That's fine with me too. Either way. I think it's best that y'all just... just go home. Well, you say we should go home, but some of these folks ain't got no home. Well, I can't help you there. See? Man you all came here for doesn't know jack shit. The city has shelters. Uh... Just across the lake, there's a state park. They allow camping. You want to serve something? Why don't you serve each other? Help each other out. No, thanks. You might want to... slow down. [man] Oh, my God. Somebody help him. - Is he all right? - I'm sure he'll be fine. - He's dead. - What? Somebody call 911. All right, okay. Move. All right. All right, Jack. What do you need? [man] What are you doing? - Whoa! - Oh, my God! [woman] Saints be praised! That man was dead as a door knob. - Praise Jesus. - Amen. Amen. And... And Jack Harrison here, he raised me from the pit of death. - Uh, it's Harriman. - It's truly a miracle. - Harriman. - Yes, it is. And, no, I didn't. You choked on some food. I cleared your air passage. I tell you what, I seen that dang ol' tunnel of light. [man] Tell us. - And Jack Harrison, here... - Harriman. He raised me from the pit of death. There was my old buddies already passed over, they was waving howdy at me, and my grandma welcoming me with open arms. Testify, Lonnie. I've been there. I've seen the... I've seen the whole nine yards. [man] Preach it, brother. You wasn't gone that long... Shut up, Carl. Like Lazarus... - [man] It was a miracle. - I was dead. It's a miracle. And I... I'm alive. - [Jack] All right, listen... - I've never been more alive! - Praise Jesus! - Atta boy, Lonnie! Everybody... there was no miracle here today. You want to believe something? Believe that. Everybody, just please... leave. - Okay. - Not you. - Okay. No, you guys go. - Go home. [man] What was it like, Lonnie? Welcome back, Lonnie. What was it like on the other side, Lonnie? Yep. Pretty sure I made a catch on one or two of them in the tent revival about a month ago. Speaking of, nice catching out there today, catcher. I was out of position. You were out of position. It took that guy an hour to hit the ground. - I was writing. - No, you weren't. - I was... - Surprisingly good hot dogs. What'd I miss? Hey, Bob. Good of you to come. Drummin' up business for the show. Thank you. You're welcome. Listen, I don't think I can do this shit anymore. I... I need my privacy. I... I come home, I got over 300 e-mails, plus I got the God squad camped out on my front yard, I can't... I'm fuckin' tired. All right? These are just growing pains, Jack. It's nothing to worry about. It's all part of the master plan. Oh, there's a plan? That's comforting. There's something happening here. Who are you, again? [Nigel] No, she's right, Jack. I mean, look, I don't think you raised that weird guy from the dead or nothin', but I seen him out on the road here. He is affecting people. You are, Jack. Whether you like it or not. All I'm saying is that... Jack just looked at me, and that's all it took. Quit staring at my tits. Am I fuckin' high right now? I mean, it's bad enough I gotta put up with the unwashed masses thinking I'm the fuckin' Second Coming. Now I gotta hear it from you guys. This is... Amber. You can stay. I don't want to hear another word about this, all right? Bob, Nigel, good night. - What? - Go. Come on. Let's go. Why does she get to stay? Do I have to explain that to you? Morning, Jack. What are you doin'? You scared the shit out of me. Leave me alone. All right? Get the fuck out of here! Put my boat back. God can clean your soul faster than I can clean your windshield. Blessed be to Jesus. Blessed be His holy name. Guy Roy. Bob? Hey, I want to talk to you. I got business to discuss with you. My day's goin' great. I'm standin' on a street corner. - You know whose... - Fine. Get in. Get in! I can't just stop here. You know what? I gotta tell you something, man. You gotta stop makin' a spectacle out of yourself. I have been banished from my place of employment, my landlord is about to toss me into the street, and the minions of evil have struck upon me with a great and swift fury, as a hammer to an anvil, but I will not bend. Yeah, well, it's no excuse for lurking' on street corners. I mean, look, you did a shitty job washing the windshield. Your rag is dirtier than the glass. - You owe me. - How do you figure that? Because you didn't deliver on your promise. I deserve air time. If I have air time, I won't need street corners. I'm going to be honest with you, Guy Roy. You're not television material. Look at yourself. You have been persuaded by lies. Lies of the popular culture. Lies of politicians. Lies of Jack Harriman. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember his name because he stole my show. He stole my following. All right. Here's where you get out, Reverend Davis. One day, I will be looking down from among the heavenly host to see both you and Jack Harriman burning in the flames of eternal damnation, and I will throw another log on the fire. With pleasure. That is just terrible. And not very Christian, and I'm going to pray for you. Get the hell out of my car. You have not seen the last of Guy Roy Davis. Serpent shows himself. Only to taunt and torment me. Yes, I know who you are. [groans] [man] Hey, man, be cool. Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend, Jack. If I get up, are you going to hit me again? No. Oh, hi, Marian. Oh, Jack, you're bleeding. Why are you stalking me? Walk with me, Jack. So, you talk about love, acceptance, tolerance, and it's... all very inclusive, but... well, people are drawn to you, Jack. And that's a problem. You're worried I'm going to lead them astray. No. It's not them I'm worried about. Jack, is there any part of you that believes in anything that you say? Okay, well, what about the people that believe in you? Don't they matter? To tell you the truth, I'm... having a hard time giving a shit. So, you don't care about the people that you've touched? - Yes, I don't care. - Okay, what about Amber? All right. Who the fuck are you? You're not that big of a hypocrite, Jack. Oh, you're overestimating me. Oh, grow up. This... This indifference is just... It's not indifference. It's detachment. Like a Buddhist. Okay. All right, Jack. Once and for all, what do you believe? I don't fuckin' know! All right? I don't have a fucking clue. And guess what. Nobody does. Because you can't know the unknowable. I mean, what... What was happening before the Big Bang? What's the universe expanding into? Are we... Are we just a failed experiment? Are we... Are we fuckin' miracles? Personally, I find peace in not knowing. Most do not. So, they make up fuckin' stories. Stories that keep them comfy so they can sleep at night. And these stories have such fuckin' arbitrary rules. Don't they? But they're rules that people are willing to die for. And kill for. 'Cause it's not enough that you believe your own story. You gotta be absolutely fuckin' certain that everybody else is wrong. People fly planes into buildings because they're absolutely certain. They blow up abortion clinics. Decisions made by people looking beyond this life are fucking dangerous. You know what I believe in? Marian? I believe in myself. Because that is the only thing that I really fuckin' know. Well, that's, uh... very impressive, Jack. But a revelation like that without... compassion... is just complaining. You know what your problem is? You're so wrapped up in your own petty resentments and your own ego that you can't see the world in front of you. Fuck. What are you doin'? Hey. [mumbles] Oh, my God. What happened to you? You're bleeding. I was trying to avoid hitting a deer. You look pitiful. Here, sit down. Okay, let me look at you. - Oh, does it hurt? - [moans] No, it's fine. It's fine. Let me look at it. No, just let me look at it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. It's not that bad. I'll go get, like, a wet rag or something. Oh, hey. I mean, as long as you're down there... Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. No, Jack. Don't be sorry. - Hey, what are you doing? - Don't be sorry. - Don't. Don't. - Is that what you want, Jack? - No, I don't... - No, you want me - to suck your big cock? - No, I don't. You want me to suck your fucking cock? You stop it. Oh, God, Jack, is that the best you can do? Really? Really? You're just going to act like an asshole so that nobody expects anything from you? I have been fucked by so many assholes, Jack, and you are not even close to being one of them. Enjoy your fucking hangover. [door slams] [saw whirring loudly] [man] Hey, God damn it! [whirring stops] You got any idea what time it is? Turn that shit off before I call the cops. [whirs loudly] [sighs] [knocks] Amber. - What? - You decent? Are you? Made some coffee. Thanks. I had mine four hours ago. Uh... listen, uh, about last night, I... What do all these wonderful people want from me? [man] No, I said, "Go fish." Answers. Me too. Ah, there it is. [Amber] You're littering. What do you want me to do? You want to hit one? Go ahead. Okay. - This should be good. - Shut up. All right. Mm. Bend your knees a little bit. Stand up a little straighter. Bend your knees a little bit. There you go. Good. Concentrate. Keep your eye on the ball. Swing away. - Oh, sh... - [both laugh] Shut up. There you go. Perfect. Fore! You know you're littering. Mom. - Come here. - Hi, Mom. Oh. I met your friends downstairs. They seem really nice. And she... She seems to know everything there is to know about me. It's very weird. I don't even know if she's... I don't even know if she's real, Mom. I don't... I don't get it. She could have been a vision, sweetheart. Did you ever consider that? Let me feel your forehead. [sighs] It's just as I suspected. What? Am I hot? No. Your third eye is a little bloodshot. When's the last time you saw an acupuncturist? And that's my mom. You know, the word on the streets of Calcutta is that she and I were twins in Atlantis at one time. Right? What are you doing, Mom? Just hold still. Hold still! You're thinning a little on top, Jack. - That's great. - Yeah, that's great! That makes you feel good? Son's going bald? My son is opening his crown to heaven. I wouldn't be so quick to discount this vision of Marian. Forgive us, Amber. This is how baboons bond with each other. Stop it. It's called socialized grooming. At what, um... What happened to Australia, by the way? Nothing that I know of. Did I miss some news? You told me you were going to Melbourne, so. Oh. No. I got Amber's e-mail, and I came as quickly as I could. - I needed reinforcements. - And you did the right thing. Sometimes you just need your mom, you know? The universe will do what it's going to do, Amber. And there's always a reason for it. You just have to be willing to deal with any obstacles. Especially obstacles of your own making. Sounds familiar. Mom. - You must be tired, right? - Mm-hmm. I did a little meditating over the Atlantic. I feel pretty good. But I could sleep. Well, you get my bed tonight. I'm glad you're my mom this time around. My little baby boy. - Good night. - Good night. She's lovely. Morning. - Thank you. - You're welcome. [Lonnie] Good morning, Jack. Hey, Lonnie. Guys. Something like that. - I'll check it out. - Okay. All right, it's show time. Okay. You can do this. Thanks, Mom. [laughs] All right. Hey, we got a pretty big crowd here. You ready? I think so. All right, what I want you to do is imagine that they're all in their underwear. I saw that on an episode of The Brady Bunch, and it seemed like it worked. Yeah, I saw that one too. See you later. Hey, uh... Stay close to Mom today. And Amber. Jack, I... I got a confession to make. I'm a liar. Just the accent and... [less Southern] working revivals and... I've never caught anybody. I mean, I caught that one guy. That just... was because I was standing there. And I took advantage of it. - I just needed a job. - I know. You did? Also, nothing I've written has ever been published. Well... this is shaping up to be a pretty good story. Right? [cheers and applause] [man] Come on, Jack! There he is, the one-man circus. Guy Roy. If you and that creepy-ass puppet aren't out of here in two seconds, I'm calling security. You gotta go. [grunts] You gotta go. You gotta go. [Guy Roy chanting loudly in foreign language] Fine. Security. Bob, wait. He needs our help. [man] Get back. Are you sure? I'm certain. [woman screams] - Gotta get out of here. - Let's go. Let's go. They shot him. - Come here. - Jack. Look what you've done! I'm glad you finally made a catch. Somebody get help! Get help please! [Amber] Jack. Look at me, Jack. Stay awake. Stay awake. Jack. Jack, stay awake. Jack. Stay awake. Jack. [plays note] [Jack] Somewhere in the vast expanse between reason and faith lies possibility. It's all up to us... to touch people by sharing our stories and listening to theirs. To take care of each other. Imperfect people in an imperfect world. To love and be loved. Forgive and accept forgiveness. To choose our lives or to change them. Create, not destroy. And if we can somehow find our place here make this a heaven on Earth, anything is possible. [country music playing] YOU CALL IT PASSION Have pills for nausea, heartburn and headaches at hand. Mark my words, you'll be needing them. Why's one missing? Who's not here? I'm here! Seo-jin! Screwing up on your first day. - I'm sorry. - Listen up. Call your seniors by their titles. No need for 'sir' or 'ma'am'. There's no time for that here. Understood? Yes! The leisure section. All articles except sports and entertainment are written here. Director OH heads this section. Hi, director. Interns? Our company's future is in your hands so work hard. Who's in leisure? - You look like a hardworker. - Thank you. - Who's a photographer? - I am. - You? - Yes. You look the same as your resume picture. - Gain weight to last here. - Okay. - You're so cute! - Easy! He's scared. - Relax! - Son of a bitch! Let's go. Why you! Hello? Hello? You son of a bitch! You can't fool me, bastard! He's at it again. He's always like that. Don't mind him. But... Who's in entertainment? Me. Next time he calls, record the call! - Hello, Sun-woo! - Hi. So? They said to sue them. Then do it! Make them pay! You got hurt on a cover! Don't wimp out! Don't chicken out, stupid! Sue them over a sprain? They know I recorded them illegally. I'll lose 100%. There's the bastard. WOO Ji-han, that asshole! Pound him again. Again? Enough already. Pound him until he kneels and begs forgiveness! Pound him 24,-'? ! Yes, chief. Who are you? Why stand there? I'm an intern. Here. Does HR have something against us? Why send me senseless interns? DO RA-HEE What a name. Yes. Interns get $900 with no days off. No bonus. Got it? Yes. Go on. Question. There are no days off at all? What are you a psycho? Didn't you hear me? No! Quit if you want. Here's the waiting list! Wanna work or not? Answer me! Now! I'll work! Of course you will! There's nothing you can't do with passion! Am I wrong? Where's the damn passion here! Who'll train her? Why duck down? HAN Sun-woo! You train her. Go to him. Remember! Passion! - Come here. - Yes? - Shout, "Passion", three times. - What? Shout it three times, kid! Pa... Passion. Passion. Passion. Whatever. Go! - Scram! - Sorry. - Hey, Ra-hee! - Geeze! - Long time no see. - I guess. How'd the top student end up here? I barely got into here. Weren't you opening a studio? You won photography awards. We' re still young. It'll be good experience. I get we're paid peanuts as interns. Still, we didn't study our butts off to get treated like crap. We' re interns with no contracts. Know what my chief said? Lots of people would work for free. We should be thankful for the peanuts we get. I didn't blow my student loans for this. 860,000 are officially unemployed. Actually 2.9 million. So let's stop complaining and stick it through. Of course! that's best. - Drink up. - Stop! Are you crazy? She'll die if she drinks. She's alcohol intolerant. - Really? - Yup. Something happened? What? U-Kiss? Why's everyone so busy? CHIEF HA JAE-GWAN Hello, sir. Just chief! Yes, chief. It's early. What is it? U-Kiss' van rolled over. - Go to Kangbuk Hospital now. - What? -It's the 3rd floor! - Let's go! Run! Excuse me! Sorry. - Where to? - A doctor! Whats the status on U-Kiss? Excuse me. U-Kiss? Oh the band. One is in surgery. The other four are in stable condition and resting. Who's the one in surgery? The one with blond hair. You mean Kevin? I'm not sure. Where exactly is he injured? A sternal... A sternal rib fracture and facial injury. Does that mean he could die? Where is she from? - Doctor! - Wait! - Hello? - What happened? Kevin fractured a rib and has facial injuries. Which rib'? Well... - He didn't say. - You birdbrain! To write a report, you have to find out! Interview! - Who? - Manager! Damn. Are you okay? - DO Ra-hee? - Chae-eun! It's been years! Get up. Hi. Why are you... Dong-myung? I barely got into this newspaper. The worlds small with no jobs, huh'? You said it. How's Chief HA doing? Still barking like a mad dog? I guess he does. You know my chief? Of course I do. I lasted 18 months there till I got bitten hard and quit. So? What are you doing here? - Well... - He wants an interview? Yes. Where'd he go? Over there! See the guy in the suit? He's Kevin's manager. You owe me a beer! - Thank you! - Bye! - Hello. - Hi. You're Kevin's manager? I'll call you back. Which rib did Kevin fracture? - I'm not sure. - Just roughly? I don't know. They took x-rays all over him. I'd better go. Ow! KEVIN GOT X-RAYS ALL OVER Call that a text? Hello? How many x-rays were taken? Well... 'Well? ' You birdbrain! Must I teach you everything? Find out now! There you are! What is it? How many x-rays were taken? I don't remember. Just roughly. Please just tell me? Maybe around 30? 6 of them showed something, so hes getting a CT scan tomorrow. Let's just say he got 32 x-rays. Tell the other that too? Sure. He got 32 x-rays and 6 showed problems so he'll get a CT scan. So where is he getting the scan? Is it the hip, the head, or what'? Well... I'm the idiot for sending you. I'm the birdbrain. Damn. Whats so funny, fool? What's the matter? I'm at Kangbuk Hospital. Who's that behind her? - Isn't that our intern? - Yes. What? ls she eating? She must be very hungry. Is she insane? - Yes? - ls the gimbap good? You're on TV now, fool! What? Look away! It's because I didn't eat all day. U-Kiss is here. Are you out of your mind? Wait! Do you work with U-Kiss? that's just great. No. Sorry! Do the interview! Why not! Think you deserve to eat after working like that? Chief. I didn't eat all day and did everything you said. Can't you at least say that I worked hard? Good job eating like a pig. You worked hard, so don't work anymore! If you come, you're dead! Hang up! Fine! I won't! I won't go to that lousy paper! - What the hell? - Think I can't go anywhere else? I didn't hang up! MOM - Mom? - Sweetie! I'm so proud of my girl! I just saw you on TV. Actually, it's really hard and I don't think it suits me. No job suits anyone perfectly. You'll pay your own rent, right? What? It's too sudden to... Fm hungry! You're dad wants food. Take care! You go, girl! Mom! MY glue. HAN Sun-woo! that's more like it. Go to WOO Ji-han's film briefing. I'm copying the press kit. How can you pound him just from that? Go now. You know JS won't deal with us anymore. There's no use going. Then just crash in or something! They have heavy security! How can I? They know me, I can't go in. Some reporter you are! OH Ra-hee! I'm DO Ra-hee. Nice name, Wacko! Go and find something to diss WOO Ji-han. Me? Yes! They don't know you. And you're small and hard to see. True, but what should I diss on? Like his manner. His arrogance. Diss his acting. It sucks. But they don't screen the film at a briefing. Isn't the trailer out yet? They'll release it there. How can you diss his acting on one trailer? Why not? HAN Sun-woo? The release of the film's trailer alone is expected... to raise concerns on WOO Ji-han's acting once again. Such a great writer. Isn't that great? Is it okay to expect concerns and... Why you! HAN Sun-woo! How are you training her? Listen up. You don't know anything. So if you open your mouth, it's all trouble. Don't think, feel, or have opinions now. Those things come when you deserve them. Understood? That look! Don't do that either! Don't show how you feel! CAN INTERNS QUIT? Who'll interview KIM Woo-bin tomorrow? You'? I'm off tomorrow. Why are you off at a time like this? Where's Sun-woo? He's staking out at WOO Ji-han's. that's good. WOO Ji-han, that lying bastard. KIM Woo-bin? So Who's going? Are you testing my patience? HA Ji-eun, you go. Okay. Is she out of her mind? Romio is a new group that topped the charts. Interview them when they come. - Okay. - The boss ordered it. Okay. - Ra-hee! - Yes? Come here. Interview them when they come. Me? I outgrew dealing with newbies. Doesn't our title song suck? You think? The company told us to do it, but it sucks. - What song do you like? - The third track. Then why didn't you tell them? It's a ballad. There's no dance. And no hook. Ballads don't make money. So they don't make titles. It must be hard not being able to choose. Our boss only cares about money. Once after 6 shows straight, our youngest got really sick. - Know what our boss said? - What did he say? That he should still work for his feed. Believe that? You're not writing that, are you? Of course not. Our chief said lots of female celebs commit suicide. He said why don't they give some to men before dying. Isn't he a bastard? An article I wrote all night got canned. Then rewrite it.. I would, but they said to just copy from a blogger. that's nothing. I dissed Big Bang once and got 3 billion enemies. See? DIE! The director told me to work hard and touched my waist. I'm not a call girl here! Really? Make a formal complaint. Dong-myung entertainment section. Put Chief HA on. He's not in at the moment. Where'd he go? I'm not sure. Who's calling please? You don't know who I am? I don't have the talent to tell just from one's voice. Who the hell is this? Guess who? Why you little! Wait right there! Damn it! Who just took my call? Was it you or you? Fess up now! I'm screwed. No pills, just work for money? Nice. Whats the problem? Know who their boss is? Who? Jodong's boss' nephew. So? Know how many ads they give us? Good thing I stopped it before it got out. So you stopped it. Relax. Must we worry about money at our age, pal? Why? Things are bad again? I don't know. Write a correction article and fire the reporter. What do you mean? The boss heard about this. Someone's gotta take the fall. What? Fire her over one article? Then you quit. - Fine then! - Come on. I was just kidding. Please move, director. Let me pass. Wait. Who's the wacko that took my call? DO RA-HEE We work our butts off to barely put out shit! You dumped it on the intern? Did you take the directors call? Well... Yes. Are you insane? Do you greet all your seniors? What? Of course I do. Do you greet seniors from other sections? Do you greet them in bathrooms and hallways? I meet people all the time. Must I greet them? 'Must I greet them? ' She's talking back to me. What are you going to do? - Hello. - Louder! Hello. Your breasts are showing! Watch it! - Hello. - Hi. Hello! Good. Hello! Keep it UP- Yes. Hello... Thank you everyone who helped us get here! Hello. Can't hear you. - Boss! - Hello! We love you, sir! Hello! Cheers! You're all here? - Hello! - Sit down. Why are you so late? You drank already? Of course. Director! I have something to say. I went a little far before So sorry What happened? She wrote some weird stuff. So I patted her to encourage her. that's nothing. I said I saw her breasts. Should I apologize? There was nothing to see. He said that? No, it's okay. Really! There's nothing to see. Looks like you'll work here fine. Cheers to DO Ra-hee! - Cheers! - Cheers! Hey! Ra-hee! Are you okay? Stupid! Why'd you drink? that's gross. I'm going. It's dangerous at night! - I'll go with you! - lt's okay. Man! You should help her! - Taxi! - Help! Hey! Geeze! Carry me. Okay, okay. I'll carry you. Why you... Don't throw up on me. - Let's go! - Sure. Let's go home. Seo-jin? Seo-jin! Why are you here? You said to stay. Did we...? Of course. that's crazy! We didn't do it. I don't touch drunk girls. Whatever happened last night, didn't happen. Okay? So we're not dating? Dating? You said, let's date. I did? Take it back then. Well... No need to take it back. What the hell is your main point? That they'll work hard... Of course they'll say that! Don't write the obvious! Give me a real story! Write it again! Rewrite it! Do it again! Write it again! Again! Again! Again! Again! You're making my throat hurt! Rewrite it. Damn. Hey, kid! Don't come back. Go. $976 DEPOSITED FROM DONG-MYUNG RENT $500 DEBITED UTILITIES $98 DEBITED MASTERCARD $304 DEBITED HYDRO $24 DEBITED TELECOM $156 DEBITED VISA: INSUFFICIENT FUNDS Dong-myung entertainment section. Can you get me 2PM's autographs? - Sorry. - Hello? - Ra-hee? - Yes? Re-edit the Star News exclusive. Okay. - Change the ending slightly. - Yes. Dong-myung entertainment section. Hold, please. Chief! It's Mega Pack. No, it's Wrecker Park. Hey, Wrecker Park. Okay! Great! Turn on Star TV! Hurry! Who's Wrecker Park? A tow truck driver. We get tips from tow trucks? We got connections with ambulances, cabs, valet parking, and even customs. NEWSFLASH.' WOO Jl-HAN ATTACKED NEAR HOME AND BEING TAKEN TO HOSPITAL That bastard. HAN Sun-woo? Why are you spaced out? Get to work! What do you think? - It's just a show. - A show? For what? They work him non-stop. Maybe he wanted a break. A show for a break? Something smells fishy. He gets attacked on his turf with all that security on him? Weird, right? - I've got his location. - Where is he? - Kyunghee University Hospital. - Okay. Go! Hurry! If your guess is right... This is a huge exclusive! Bury WOO Ji-han for good this time! I got an interview soon. What interview? Who's the bastard? Director I M Kwon-taek. You should go. Hurry! Go! HA Ji-eun! I'm going to Big Bangs showcase. I'm late. MUN Kyung-in? It's my son's school sports day. - Didn't you already go? - Nope! Assistant chief? How about it? I outgrew that. Who cares? Come on. Where are you going? - Meeting with Screen Actors Guild. - Bye! What meeting in slippers! They're all useless. Got something to do? Me? I have to re-edit... Tell us something! Came to chew gum? Excuse me! Sorry! - Hi. - Whats going on? - Let's go. - What? Is security that tight with all celebrities? JS is like that. And WOO's a troublemaker. Still, isn't that a bit much? I chased WOO Ji-han for over a year. He's got guards at home, work, and while working out. Even when he's taking a dump. What attack? - Do it. - Damn! Why me? Do we have to do this? An exclusive will get you promoted! This is our only way in! Step on it! I'm really doing it! Go! - Hide your press card. - Okay. Let's see where he is. Damn. I know those bastards. - You do? - Yup. - Now what? - Go to Plan B. You should go in. Long time no see! I heard WOO Ji-han's here. Came to pay him a visit. - You can't go in - Why not! - Let go! - Back off! You want a piece of me! - Die! Bastards! - Stop! Put me down! Oh god! You're in better shape than I thought. Who are you? I'm reporter DO Ra-hee from Dong-myung. How'd you get in here? The security is so tight! I barely made it in alive. What are you doing? I'm covering a story. Please go. Then can I use this? Shall we do the interview then? Stupid! Do your job right! Get rid of the press! I told you to stay put till you go. You know how much it cost me to get you that role. You wasted your money. Look, Top Star. I'm JANG Yu-jin. I made it here offering girls to moguls. And kissing asses of shitty producers! If you don't want to go back to that, stop now. You want to go to court? You damn son of a bitch! Why you! Snap to it! No one cares what happens to me. I can always just start over. But you! Think you can? Just go quietly to the States. We'll talk when you get back. As you all see, Ji-han is fully recovered. We apologize for any concerns we may have caused. I have very good news in return. The Hollywood blockbuster, 'Stranger', by director McKinsey... Ji-han has landed the starring role in it. AHN Su-yeon? Can I really let this out? Instead, please keep today a secret. It's good for me. But are you going to be okay? I'm back. How'd it go? I didn't find out much. Was he attacked or not? Yes. But the CCTV was broken at the time. He has a bruise and... Hey! You believe that shit? He didn't look injured much. that's why it's weird! What about others? They're all writing about him going to the States. Going to the States is the smokescreen. JANG Yu-jin, that witch, is covering something big! that's why I told you to go. Why make me send a newbie! Why make me lose an exclusive! Sorry. Whatever. Don't let her write anything from now on. Don't let her do anything! Why'd she shoot into our world! Damn it! How can he diss someone right to her face? Isn't our chief a little weird? A little? No, a lot! - Right'? - Yup, - Getting weirder by the day. - I know! But our section still exists because of him. What does that mean? Free tabloids and Internet are filled with celebrity gossip. Our section almost got canned many times. He'd use any dirty means possible to save our section... Though he got cursed at like hell. He's a weirdo. But he's got conviction. What conviction? To maintain jobs for his reporters. What? that's not easy to do. The old boss never stops nagging. He's fuming for losing two ads this month. Is it my section's fault for losing them? It's pretty serious. It won't take letting go of a few kids. What do you mean? Get me an exclusive. Exclusives don't just fall from the sky, you know! Other scetions deal with facts and can't fool around. But your section is different. We deal with facts too! Think we write fiction? Then bring me a shocking fact to change the boss' mind. He always takes our section so damn lightly. Quit drinking, pal. - What will you do? - I have no idea. Ifl bury it, I lose an exclusive. If I expose it, AHN gets hurt. Think she could commit suicide? Not sure. Comments are pretty scary. I know. Don't let her ever write again! Don't let her do anything! Where'd you get this? What should I do with it? It's up to you. Holy shit! Guaranteed media frenzy. It's a big shocker! Do you think AHN Su-yeon will be okay? Why worry about that? AHN's not doing much after two movie flops. If this blows and she tops in searches, they'll celebrate. All that publicity! - What's with the chit-chat? - Hello What's intern brought in a bit fish. - How big? - Look What is it? Aren't they composites? Trust me. They' re not composites. Who asked you? No one else put them up? Not yet. You had no idea? Not at all. Good for you, fool! Why couldn't you sniff it out? I have to trust a fool like that. Shit. Where'd it go? Yes! What are you looking at? Get to work! There's no time! Nice Big smile! that's it! Hold on. Can we take a break? 1 minute? Hold on. You exposed it? It's my first exclusive! It's a killer. When are you done? - I'll call you later. - Okay. Bye. EXCLUSIVE! WOO Jl-HAN AHN SU-YEON! To our intern's first exclusive! Cheers! Chief must be ecstatic. He was dying to screw JS over. Why does he hate WOO Ji-han so much? Because JS is boycotting all our interviews. Why? You know... WOO's sexual assault case? Yes. Chief had the exclusive on that. Wasn't it just a rumor? No, not really. A woman named KIM Jang-mi came to Chief. Why? They probably had a deal. An exclusive for help. Probably. Why did it go under? She dropped her charges and suddenly vanished. What? To where? Who knows? that's what makes Chief crazy. So he keeps pounding WOO because of that? He's got reason to. The boss had to pay JANG a hefty compensation. And Chief lost his promotion to Director OH for good. Then why's WOO and his boss not on good terms? Why wouldn't they be? WOO is JANG's golden goose. Right? that's strange. Ra-hee? Did you hear something? When I went last time... lt's nothing. Why you! You're weird. Who's this? You're calling me now? We try to keep busy here. Samcheonggak? Why meet at such an expensive place? Her? Why? Fine. I'll see you there. Okay, bye. What? JANG wants to meet? It's about time she drops to her knees. - DO Ra-hee. - Yes? Are you done? I gotta check out some follow-up articles. - How about you? - I'm all done. Then you finish for her. Longer? But I don't have any money. How would I know what it's like in Australia? Just come back at the end of the term. Bye. Your wife's in Australia? I sent my family to learn English, but now they want to stay there. Keep up the good work. Please accept my apology. Let's just drink and forget about it. Here. Your article was interesting. I'm so sorry. Don't be! You're a reporter! Why be sorry? You didn't make it up. Everything's fine, right? Why of course! When's Ji-han coming back? He just started filming. It'll take 2 months. - We'll interview him. - Yes, of course. Why, whafs this? I hope you like it. What is this? It's wild ginseng. It works wonders. Your wife would be most pleased. - Really? Let's see. - Yes! Try some. - I feel it coming on. - You do? You have one too. No, I'm okay. - Try it! - I'm fine. Really. - JANG Yu-jin! - Yes? I'll take good care of JS. Dear? Promise? - What? You don't trust me? - Stamp! - You don't believe me? - Of course I do! Where is she? . Hey! Wacko! " Yes? Write good articles on WOO. 10 a day! - I'll send you the source. - Give 'em to her! Write as much as you can. How about 100 a day? Oops! Whats this? Gold? Golden toad? There were golden toads in here? Here, chief. You keep it. It's okay! Wait. Lets go to some place better. Really? okay - Let's go! Don't worry! I'll make JS more successful! Are you out of your mind? I was okay with writing articles every time they scored in soccer. But basketball is different. Write 7 articles in 5 minutes of play? - that's damn insane! - Still why'd you quit? You quit? I can only last so long getting treated like shit. I can't stay anymore. I'm outta here. He'! - Whats with him? - He quit. - Already? What do you mean? I heard they' re reconstructuring. Hold on. Let's go. Sit down everyone. Hello, sir! Hows it going? Everyone working hard? - Hi. - Hello, sir. Hello, sir. Chief HA? Need a razor? Don't mind me, sir. Why you... Shit. Hello! Excuse me. Shit! - Chief? - Yes. - Who's that? - An entertainment section intern. Set to be layed off? No, sir. She's the one who got the AHN Su-yeon exclusive. - You're an intern? - Yes. AHN Su-yeon was your exclusive? I just got lucky, sir. No. Luck is a talent too. Thank you, sir. I'd like your opinion. What do you think will happen to your section at this rate? Pardon? Isn't it time for a change? How many? 6 for now. 4 more next month. Why pick interns and fire loyal employees? Young kids work like hell for chicken feed... while we don't do much, but take big paychecks. He's doing the math. But you should be proud of DO Ra-hee. Why? When Boss asked her if it's time for a change... She stood up for you. She did? Really? Why'd he ask her that? Jae-gwan... Got any hidden exclusives? At this rate... Sports and leisure may be integrated into the daily. Entertainment section may get moved to the Internet. How many did you write this month, Ra-hee? - Congratulations. - Thank you. I'm more thankful. Me, too. But it'd be nice if you shared. Don't be jealous, silly. Know how many got sued going after exclusives? You came? Whats all this? Oh that. Remember Jong-hyun, my senior? He opened a studio in Manhattan and asked me to work together. - What about Dong-myung? - I'll quit. I didn't plan to stay long. So you're all decided. Not really. I should go, right? Do what you want. Why won't you expose HONG Kyung-jin? We kept her secret. You introduced her to a major label. Why then and not now? The world will not end because we expose one singer. Write it, then patch things later! She'll be gone by then. Let's not go that low! We can't just wait around and let others blow the whistle! You call that an excuse? Is this a third-rate tabloid? What? What did you just say? A tabloid? Putting down entertainment 'cuz you were in news? - Are you? - Stop Move! How many big stories did you land in our section? How many? Even an intern is scoring big within a month! - What did you do? - Chief! I said, move! Look. If you lack the skills, just do as you're told. Don't just sit there and do nothing. Don't vent out on me for losing to the intern. Then I'll just quit. What? Hey! HAN Sun-woo! Come back here! Hey! I haven't seen Sun-woo around. - Whats he up to? After a fight with our chief, he hasn't shown up for days. Really? It's amazing he lasted even that long. Was Sun-woo in main news before? A.k.a. 'The Shovel', he was a whiz news reporter. The Shovel? He dug deep into every story. He practically lived at police stations. Any criminals he came across, he'd saw to them getting cuffed. He was so charismatic back then. Then why is he... Curious? He poked at a senator and lost everything. I warned him to just catch petty thieves instead. But he hit the wrong guy. Luckily, HA took him in when no one else would. What else can Sun-woo do with a face like that? Probably door-to-door sales. Did you two date? No way! Never! Why would I date him? Yes. Why? Really? - Just briefly. - Holy! Next interviewer, please. DO Ra-hee from Dong-myung? Here. Change your name, Wacko! - Thank you. - Don't worry at all! Just relax and wait. - I'll be going then. - Take care. You're looking good. Hello. Can HA Jae-gwan be trusted? He could try to pull something. I know, idiot! Don't act like you know! Find out who wants Ji-han. Yes, boss. WOO Ji-han went AWOL. What? Why? Did you hear something? No, I didn't. JANG's been covering it up till now. But someone put it up on Facebook. They must release an official report by morning. So we'll write it. You idiot. JANG came because she doesn't want it leaked! What does JANG want? Watering it down. You mean... Write that he's not missing because of conflict with her. We can do that. that's easy. But somethings not right. Whats most important to JS now? The merger with Sami Entertainment. Whats that got to do with WOO's disappearance? With millions on the line, WOO went AWOL during production. WOO may be bratty, but he's not downright stupid. It means he did it to screw JANG over. If that's true... WOO's going to leave JS! Then the merger is off. WOO's got that much leverage? WOO's the one that made JS. Who would invest in a place with no lightbulb? But that won't interest the public. I don't care about mergers either! What interests me is... the dirty fight between them. We should be careful. You may end up backstabbing JANG. Who cares? Damn bitch. We just need an exclusive! An exclusive! Listen up. Do whatever you can to find out how the two fools fell apart. - Got that? - Yes. Heard from Sun-woo? Not yet. Always when we're busy... - Tell him to come now. - He won't. Not after leaving like that. Yes, chief. You're officially a reporter, so act like one. Got it? Yes. You'll get paid more, so buy us drinks. Okay. Chief! WOO's holding a press conference. What? What the hell? - When? - Tomorrow at 6 PM. - From what source? - We're searching, but it's not JS. You're in charge of WOO from now on. Me? WOO Jl-HAN SOLO PRESS CONFERENCE Where's it from? Looks like Dae-ho Entertainment. KANG Dae-ho, that bastard! What should we do? WOO Jl-HANS SEXUAL ASSAULT CASE BY HA JAE-GWAN Call HA Jae-gwan. Whats this? Proof of Ji-han's sexual assault. What? Please stop his press conference. An injured dog can be treated... But a runaway won't come back. Put a leash on him for me. I'll handle the rest. Don't pull anything. You'll pass up on an exclusive? You've gotten weak, Chief HA. I'll find someone else then. What the hell am I doing? Yes, chief. Take this and write an article by morning. What is it? Proof of WOO's sexual assault. What? Give it to your son. Think it over, pal. Catch! My resignation's been processed. What are you going to do? I'll work at my sister's shop for now. - With all the records? - Yup. I'll call ya. Tell Chief I'm sorry I didn't see him before leaving. Take care guys. Congrats. Heard you got hired. Work hard. Sir... Can't you stay? Should've stayed low. Who can't write exclusives? - Stop it. Why! It's her fault. FAMILY DOCTOR And your POOP? A few Cheetos like ones. My sister's close to becoming a widow. Oh no she won't. It's serious. Your liver got worse. The pills you prescribed last time seemed to work fine. Reducing stress is the only way to treat liver cirrhosis! Then get me a job with no stress. Look. This is serious. Don't take liver hardening lightly. Quit drinking! I'd rather quit pooping. Go ahead and try! Ra-hee? Didn't you go home? Want some? I can't go home. They keep buzzing at my door because of downsizing. It's killing me. Your chief shouts and curses a lot, huh? It got worse? Well... Yes. Your chief is on thin ice these days. If he gets sued again, he'll be history. Help him out. - I will. - Good. He may not show it, but he's really counting on you. Sexual assault... MEDICAL REPORT Anxiety disorder due to stress... NEW EVIDENCE OF WOO Jl-HANS SEXUAL ASSAULT CASE DONGMYUNG NEWS, REPORTER DO RA-HEE JANG Yu-seok. JS, JANG Yu-jin'? J Line Plastic Surgery. Plastic surgery? How may I help you? Is Dr. JANG Yu-seok there? Who's calling please? I'm a newspaper reporter. I have a few questions. Which newspaper? Dr. JANG is not in yet. And we cannot disclose any celebrity's plastic surgery. But Ms. JANG Yu-jin of JS said I can call him. Why didn't you say Dr. JANG's sister referred you? Hold, please. You want to go to court? She dropped her charges and suddenly vanished. I'll take good care of JS. WOO's going to leave JS! Then the merger is off. NEW EVIDENCE OF WOO Jl-HANS SEXUAL ASSAULT CASE Where's your article? I'm not sure if it's right to write it. What do you mean? The evidence seems fabricated. What? JANG's brother is the one who wrote the medical report. I'm suspicious of the rest of the evidence too. Then write about that. But I don't have proof yet. So you're not doing anything? I think it'll be hard to write an article either way. It will be hard? that's your conclusion? Yes. Fine. Go. JANG, that sneaky witch. Damn traffic. Did Sun-woo quit? Yes. Let's see... The sports intern quit. So it's just you, leisure, and editing interns left'? He's quitting too. Kids these days lack tenacity. They think of quitting companies too lightly. Hello. -Is it true? - I knew he did it! What a huge exclusive! This could kill WOO for good. It's time he fessed up. Whats everyone talking about? NEW EVIDENCE OF WOO Jl-HANS SEXUAL ASSAULT CASE Mad Dog is really something. He destroys WOO Ji-han after all. Daily Press. Tell us about your sexual assault case. What do you mean? Here! Isn't this press conference about that? I'm not sure what you mean. Over here! New evidence has surfaced regarding the case. You didn't know? Wait! A reporter from Dong-myung should be here. Where's Dong-myung? Where's Dong-myung? You published the article! Explain! Please! It must be a misunderstanding. The article is not true. CCTV footage, a recorded testimony, and a medical report... The evidence is too much to say it's a misunderstanding. Did you sexually assault her or not? that's not true. You claim it was consensual? Tell us the truth! WOO Ji-han! WOO Ji-han! Back away, please! Tell us! Move! What the.. It's an accident! WOO Ji-han's hurt! I'm at the scene of WOO Ji-han's car accident. It occurred after his press conference at 6 PM. I just did my job. Don't worry, sir. Thank you, boss. I'll keep doing my best for Dong-myung. Take care, sir. Damn blood-sucking bat. What? What happened? What do you think? I put out an exclusive. Did you have to do that? (laughs softly) That is correct. Well, thanks to your efforts, dr. Woods, We owe you a debt of gratitude for showing extreme bravery In terrifying circumstances. This hearing is now adjourned. Bravo to molly woods. You okay? Well, i just lied under oath, toby, So, no, i am not okay. Molly, what good would it do To scare the hell out of the public? Especially when we know the threat has been contained? What do you think would happen if we told them the truth? Anarchy. Exactly. I've been heading up the global security commission For six very long months now. Learned more about pandemics, terrorist threats and... (quietly): Aliens than anyone should know, If they ever want to sleep at night. Most important thing i've learned-- People spook easily. And when they spook, They do irrational things, Dangerous things. Woman: General? The car's ready to take you and dr. Woods to the airport. Thank you. Come on. Toby... Are you sure he's dead? Had some sort of seizure Right after that couple picked him up a few weeks back. We've got the body, if you need to see the pictures. No, i don't need to see. I just had to ask you one last time. He was dangerous, molly. I know. The weight of the world is officially off your shoulders. Get some rest. (chuckles) Take a vacation, for god's sake. When you get back, i'll take you and john for dinner, And we can all reminisce About my drunken toast at your wedding. (both laughing) when you proposed to me? Hey, well, you can't blame a guy for trying. Come on. I thought for sure john'd be here. Where is the competition today? Where he always is. (electronic whirring, blipping) Okay, let's try this again. (sighs) better? Something's limiting his sensor pathways. The response isn't proportionate to the stimulus. The calibration of his hand touch receptors must be off. Probably because of his upgraded body. His responses seem pretty close to normal. Watch yours. It's not the palm. His fingertip sensitivity's weak. Your fingertips seem pretty responsive. Julie... (doors hiss open) Molly. Hey. I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow. I took the last flight out. Thought i'd surprise you. I have an even better surprise for you. Come here. Hi, molly. Julie. He's ready. What? He's ready? Yeah. I thought it was gonna be months. No, his-his neural pathways, His-his consciousness, was intact. It-it-it took much less time than i expected. Okay. Here. Go ahead. (electronic whirring, powering up) (gasps) Ethan. Mom. (crying): Oh, god. Oh! Oh! Ethan. (crying): You're back. Ethan: Itfeelsweird. Weird how? To be back in my body again, but... Bigger. Well, that's 'cause you're growing up. Can you describe where you've been? It was like i was a bird, free to go anywhere, And now i'm... Not. Did i die? No, no, somehow, you uploaded yourself To the cloud, just before the explosion. Turns out, you-you-you can't die exactly. Because i'm not human. No. You're so much more than that. Molly: Ethan, you saved My life on the seraphim. You sacrificed yourself for me. Now, that was brave and very selfless of you. And you may not be... Technically human, But you've got more humanity in you Than most people on this planet. And that's all that matters. You hear me? I hear you. Molly (softly): Good. You're my son... And i love you. No matter what happens. (sighs) (crickets chirping) Gina? Yes, molly? I'd like to see... Security cam footage From the week of july 10. The week before you returned from space? Yes. That's right. I'm sorry, molly, but cameras were offline during that period. (quiet whirring) (whirring) Gina... Peter robot has a motion-activated camera, right? Yes, molly. Can you access that drive? (whirring continues) Same time frame, please. What would you like to see? All footage of john. And julie. ¶ ¶ Gina, can you go to last time stamp, please? Is there sound? Sorry. Peter robot is video only. Can you use facial rec software To analyze and translate? I'll try, molly. Gina: "... Do this anymore. She's coming home." "this isn't right. What we have is special." "molly has been away a year." "... Built a family. "you can't just take that and throw it away Like it doesn't mean any..." "do you love me?" John: Stop playback. Molly, it's been over for a while, i swear. It was a mistake. (exhales) A mistake? A mistake... Is a coding error... Or a broken plate. This, what you've been doing... Is lying... Over and over And over. Yes, i-i did. I-i lied, but... It didn't happen in a vacuum. You-you were not here. I'm an astronaut. It's my job. This is not about going to space, molly. There's a piece of you That's... Not in this marriage, And never has been. Well, If you weren't happy, then you should've said something, Not screw your lab assistant in our house! (sudden banging) Are you john woods? Yeah. I have a court order authorizing the seizure Of the humanich. What are you talking about? The humanich has been declared the property of the u.S. Government For reasons of national security. Ethan (in distance): Dad! He's not property-- he's our son! Ethan: Mom! Molly: Ethan! John: Ethan! Get your hands off me! Molly: Ethan! John: Ethan! Ethan...! Don't worry! We're gonna come get you! Mom! Ethan! Mom...! Marko, increase the speed by 15 miles per hour. Marko: That will exceed legal speed limits by 32%. Okay, override the safeties. Do it. (knockingondoor) The general's expecting you. Right this way. Sure. Uh-huh. Well, get... Get back to me as soon as you can. What'd you find out? Where are they taking him? They can't do this, toby. This is kidnapping! I need you both to sit down. Homesec perceives ethan To be a threat to national security. What? ! What? That's ridiculous! Ethan hacked directly into the isea mainframe-- Which was bad enough-- but then he blew up a building. John: Saving molly And potentially everyone on the planet. For god's sake, toby, he's a hero! He's a little boy! Who blew through Terrasoc firewalls like they were tissue paper, molly. There are some genuine concerns here That you can't ignore. The timing's A bit convenient, no? Molly gets into bed With the gsc, an arm of homesec, And now suddenly ethan's being decommissioned? Come on, toby, wha... What's this really about? This is much bigger than ethan. The whole humanichs project is being mothballed, john. What? ! All service bots rated 4.0 or higher Are being seized and decommissioned. Now, this comes from the highest level of homesec. And i have pulled every string, i have made every call There is to make. Now, my hands are tied on this, i'm sorry. No, no, we're gonna fight this in court, toby. We're gonna sue them for unlawful detention! A national security letter can't be challenged in court. Really? I lied for my government under oath... And this is how they repay my so-called patriotism? By taking my son? Ethan is more than a robot-- we all know that-- But in the eyes of the law and the powers that be... He's still not human. He's more human... Than any one of those asses. Molly (crying): No. (door opens, shuts) This isn't over. Where are you taking me? Will i see my mom and dad again? Quiet, robot. Officer (over speaker): Team leader, Stand by for transfer details. (electricity whirrs, crackles) Marshal: Hey! Help! Help! Help! Hello, rabbit. (birds chirping outside) (electronic bell chimes, doors hiss) I'm sorry, sir-- this area's off-limits. I'm dr. John woods, and this is my lab. I know who you are, And you no longer have authorized access. We'll see about that. I will forcibly remove you if need be, sir. John. Julie. Thank god you're here. They-they've locked us out. They took ethan last night. Okay, let's not talk about it here. Okay? This is a nightmare. We need to get hold of ethan's hard drives Before they're destroyed. Molly's devastated about him. And us. I'm sorry she had to find out that way. (heavy sigh) Listen, there's something i need to tell you, And i want you to listen before you react. Okay? Homesec contacted me and asked me to run a few tests. What kind of tests? To see if humanichs Could quickly be adapted for... Defense purposes. Well, that's-that's absurd. It would take years for a humanich to mature enough To handle morally ambiguous situations like combat. You're going to bypass the protocols. It's for a good cause, john-- defending our country. We've seen firsthand the threats that are Out there. That's how they convinced you? Service to country? Julie, this is not patriotic. This is insane. I swore i'd never let this happen again. I invented the protocols So that humanichs have time to learn right from wrong Through exposure and experience-- it's crucial. To bypass the protocols is crazy. Worse, it would be dangerous. Don't you understand? If it's not you or me, it's someone else, And i'm not gonna sit around and have somebody come in And take over our life's work. Maybe this is all happening for a reason. If you could just be a little bit more open-minded, We could resume our... Our life... And our work and our family, Together. Julie, we don't have a life together. (sighs) i'm gonna find ethan, And i'm gonna shut This thing down. (phone keypad beeps and blips) It's julie. I think i may have just really screwed up. (thunder rumbling) (electronic chime) Gina: Molly, you have an incoming call from john. Decline. (electronic chime) Molly, you have an incoming call from john. Molly, please pick up. Molly... I'm sorry for the pain i've caused, But i have to tell you something. I'm going to call der... (car whirrs, powering down) (whirring stops) Marko, is there a technical problem? Marko: No, john, just waiting for the light to change. We've stopped on train tracks. (crossing bell clanging) no, john, We're 20 feet from the train tracks. What...? (train horn blaring) marko, switch to manual drive. Manual drive is offline. Marko! Unlock the door! (train horn blaring) the door is locked, john, for your safety. Override the safeties, damn it! Unlock the... Door! Med bot: Molly woods, your meds are being dispensed. Woman: Dr.Woods,thepurpose Of this review is to determine whether, Following a court-mandated 90-day psych hold, You are ready to be released. It's been six months since your husband passed away. How's your time been at our recovery center? Extremely healing. I am really gonna miss this place. Molly, we're concerned that you haven't fully come to terms With the events of last summer. I have. All better. Several drunk and disorderlies. Well, i call that a good time but... Whatever. Burning down your house. Not the whole house. And i have learned my lesson about playing with matches. Never do that when you're angry. Attacking a ms. Julie gelineau with a shovel. Well, she screwed my husband And then had the nerve to show up to his funeral. Now, i think I should be committed if i didn't smack her. Molly, we know this has been A profoundly difficult year for you. We think you're not quite ready for reentry. Oh. Okay, now i get it. This isn't a fair hearing. This is putting a rubber stamp to keep me in a rubber room. Now, i've done every single thing You people have asked me to do. I've been a good little girl. I've taken all my meds. I've done your-your vr therapy. And you're still not gonna let me out. Which begs the obvious question: Why does the government want to shut me up So badly? You believe the government is the reason you're here? I do. Sam barton, Your friend and physician, testified That she was concerned about your mental health. Sam barton? Please! She'd say anything to save her own ass. She confirmed you had abnormal brain scans Upon returning from your mission. Now, we know extended time in space Can do something to the brain... Liars. You're all a bunch of liars! It's the board's recommendation that we extend your hold And reevaluate in 30 days-- That you still pose a serious threat of harm To self and others. That's ridiculous! I am not a threat And you know it. This is a cover-up! That's what this is! It's a cover-up! And you know it! Take your hands off of me! ¶ the air that i breathe ¶ ¶ the wind in the trees... ¶ (phone ringing) (man groaning) For real? (sighs) Richter. Val: Criminal bid One-one-nine-six-four. Stand by, please. You're a cop? Patrol special. I work by the piece. My number comes up, i can take it or leave it. Does it give good benefits? I suppose. No bosses, dress code, no company softball games. (phone chimes) female voice: Confirm i.D., please. One-one-nine-four. Pass key, buffalojump. Val: Good evening, jd. This case may contain sensitive and/or classified information. Can you confirm you are in a private setting? Yeah. Just... Just me and the four walls, val. Val: Female victim. Aged 26 years. Suspected homicide. Landlord found the body 47 minutes ago. Yeah. What's the payout? $20,000 for apprehension and conviction. All right, val, can you do me a favor? Give me 20 minutes? Negative-- i have other bidders standing by. You have 20 seconds to accept or decline. Accept. Would you like a partner? (wry chuckle) Kills me you still ask. I'm a computer. I have to follow the rules. That is how fascism starts. No. No partner. Sending crime scene location to your nav. Please confirm receipt. (richter grunts quietly) Yeah. Confirmed. Wait... Is that it? No. That's not it. That's just part of the buildup. It's like... Tantric sex. What are you talking about? Friday. I'm talking about friday. You have 20 seconds to accept or decline this offer. You're a son of a bitch. (sighs) Yeah. But i accept. Friday. Female electronic voice: Hope you had a day of recovery Here at restwell. As always, breakfast is at 7:30. Man: ... I saw him the other night, watching tv. There's some crazy stuff on the news... Woman: Stopped reading the news a long time ago. Man: You hear about that woman? Her belly, blown open. Oh, freaky. Woman: That's the third one now. Man: Yeah. You should see the photos. I ain't ever seen anything like it. Woman: Was she shot or stabbed or something? Man: They don't know. Looked to me like she kind of exploded From the inside-- i mean, there was blood everywhere, Like one of those horror movies. Woman: That's just so terrible, just so sad. Man: My cousin sent me this pic. That's some straight hannibal lecter stuff right there. Oh, my god. No one wants to see that, dave. Look at what dave just showed me. Woman 2: Ugh. Dave: Whoever did that was one sick son of a bitch. What are you looking at? Nothing, honey. Come on now, dave. You know i want to know what's going on out there. You know the rules, molly: No technology, no news. Too much stimuli for you. Let's get you Back up to your room before the med bot does her rounds. Oh... Those headaches again? (moans) we'll run some scans In the morning. Okay. Okay. Oh, dave... Dave... Can you take me back to my room? Sure, sure. So, does molly want a bedtime story? Yes, i do. Mm. First... Ah... Uh-uh. You know i want to know what's going on out there, dave. You like scary bedtime stories? Uh-huh. (whirrs, chimes) Hope you don't get bad dreams. Glass: It looks like somethingtoreitsway Right out of her stomach. All right, that's enough of that. Okay, well, how about a little bit of this? (click, electronic whine) Gonna have to take a rain check, dave. (whirrs, chimes) Thanks for the bedtime story. Med bot, i need potassium trimanganate and glycerol. Patient 429, those elements are highly combustible. That's the idea. (alarm blaring) fire! Sector three! Emergency evacuation procedure-- go! Where the hell is dave? Female voice: Hello, dave. Where would you like to go tonight? 322 ivy road. (tires screech) maximum speed. (tires screeching) Julie: 22 miles per hour. We can do better, don't you think? Still a work in progress. Julie: (sighs) well, let's keep progressing. Where are we? Uh, working through the ethics algorithms. Still? Come on, charlie, software coding Is falling behind hardware development. Give me a break. I'm inventing whole new systems here. I mean, things we didn't need for ethan. You need to push your team. Jawohl,herrkommandant. Stop. They need to know i'm in charge. Kidding around like that undermines my authority. Okay. All joking will be suspended until further notice. Sorry. I sound like a jackass. Your team is killing it. Really. Jules, i know you're under a lot of pressure right now. And, whatever, i can be kind of A jackass myself, sometimes. Want to get a drink later? I'm buying. Rain check. I'm late for dinner. Sure. If i counted up all the rain checks, I'd need a couple umbrellas. (alarm beeping) male electronic voice: You are entering A sealed crime scene. Exit immediately. (alarm continues in distance) ¶ ¶ Man: You move, i shoot. Whatever you're stealing, put it back. I'm not stealing. Stealing, Borrowing-- i'm not a semantics kind of guy. Look, i'm with the crime scene c-cleanup service. You know, that ain't half bad. Except you're a week early And crime scene scrubbers are bots-- You know, little aluminum fellas on wheels. Let me go! (handcuff clicks, beeps) Why is it all the good-looking women are crazy? Well, i could float a few theories. Oh, i bet you could. Hold still. Wow. Dr. Molly woods. An honest-to-goodness space cadet On a 90-day hold at the restwell recovery center. It's a rest facility. I needed a vacation. You need a new travel agent. You know, mental patients escape often enough, But they're not normally former astronauts Making a beeline for the closest crime scene. You care to share? Okay, look... I think i might know what happened here. I am all ears. Well, can we go somewhere else to chat? Because they're gonna be tracking the phone i stole And the car i stole. I hate when that happens. Okay, i know how that sounds. But i am really not a lunatic. Says the lady that broke out of crazy acres, Stole a phone, stole a car... And then trespassed onto my crime scene. (car approaches) Field trip is over, ms. Woods. (car doors closing) look... Please, please, Do not let them take me back to that place. Please! Okay... Your victim Was pregnant. Preliminary autopsy scans didn't mention a pregnancy. (door opens) Hello, molly. She's all yours. Check the scans. She was pregnant... And the other two ladies were pregnant, too-- check it. Dave: Steal my phone Andmycar? Let go of me! Dave: Come on, let's move! (door slams) Hmm... (pills rattling) Sweetie, i'm home. Hank: Hello, julie. Hi, hank. Where is he? In the den. I brought home some pizza. No, thanks. Well, you have to eat something. When am i going home, julie? We talked about this. This is your home now. (beep, door unlocks) How you feeling, molly? (beep, latch clacks) 14 days before my performance review. You screwed me. Would've been a seven percent pay raise-- Roughly 15k a year after taxes. Okay, well... I'll talk to 'em... Tell 'em what i did. It's time for that rain check. No. No, no, no. (beep, door unlocks) dave! What? Dr. Woods, you have a visitor. Get dressed, please. See you around, molly. Woman: I'mafraididon 'tunderstand. That's a court order-- pretty straightforward. And she's a material witness in a homicide investigation. I'm not sure you grasp the gravity of ms. Wood's condition. I'm not gonna ask her to operate heavy machinery. (sighs heavily) you do realize... That you are taking an unstable woman into custody. She's an arsonist, escape artist, Prone to violent outbursts. Sounds like my ex-wife. Well, she's on a prescriptive schedule That'll require strict supervision. You got it. Blues at 10:00, Reds at 7:00. I'll have her back in 72 hours, No worse for the wear. Molly woods. After you. I don't think we've been properly introduced. Jd richter. How'd you pull this one off, jd richter? Well, let's just say a judge owed me a favor or three. So look what i found. Prenatal vitamins. In her medicine cabinet. Ooh, now, that's a hell of a clue. Yeah. How'd you know she was pregnant? Did you know her? Look, there's something much more important Going on than this, okay? The government is trying to shut me up. All right, wait a second. We are ten feet from the rubber squad, condor, all right? Let's just skip the conspiracy theories. I'm guessing this thing is yours, huh? Yeah. Okay. And listen, you know, you don't have to worry about me. I'm stable, sane, and completely clear-headed. Well, that's good, you're the only lead i got. Give me a sec. Thanks for the ride, dave. (grunts) You are crazy. Maybe a little. But crazy's all you got. Dave: Hey! Drive fast. (engine starts) Dave: What did you do to my car? ! (engine revs, tires screech) Richter: Youwantto tellme What the hell this is about? This isn't a murder investigation. It's an invasion. (dance music playing) (woman laughing) ¶ ¶ Technology. All it does is separate us. Do you want to get some fresh air? Sure. NARRATOR: Strange symbols found on opposite sides of the Earth. DAVID CHILDRESS: What a mandala is doing in remote desert of Peru is very interesting. NARRATOR: Binary code appearing in crop formations. ANDREW COLLINS: Can we see it as a reply? Indeed, it was. NARRATOR: And geographical alignments that defy explanation. GIORGIO TSOUKALOS: These settlements that are 5,000 years old, how are they all lined up? NARRATOR: Is it possible that throughout the world there are messages concealed within ancient texts, symbols and structures? And if so, might they have been left for us to uncover by extraterrestrial beings? KATHLEEN McGOWAN COPPENS: These messages were left to us a long, long time ago so that we could remember who we are. NARRATOR: Millions of people around the world believe we have been visited in the past by extraterrestrial beings. What if it were true? Did ancient aliens really help to shape our history? And if so, might we find the proof in alien messages? Captioning sponsored by AE TELEVISION NETWORKS Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org Ancient Aliens Season 7 Episode 12 Alien Messages NARRATOR: Arecibo Observatory. Puerto Rico. November 16, 1974. Early pioneers of SETI the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence aim the world's largest radio telescope at a cluster of stars 25,000 light-years away to send a transmission out into the cosmos. The coded signal consists of binary digits zeros and ones that form a message designed to notify other potentially advanced beings of our existence. SETH SHOSTAK: This message into space, it was encoded in what's called binary code, cause it's the simplest around. Listen, we're trying to send a message to the aliens, and because you don't know anything about them, you have to make this as obvious as possible. Now, here's the message over here that was actually sent in 1974, and it starts off with teaching the ABC's to the aliens. Well, not ABC's, the 1-2-3's. Because right up here are the numbers from one to ten, but in binary. And anybody who has thought about binary should be able to figure that out, including the aliens. Right underneath that is... this funny thing here has the numbers one, six, seven and so forth. Those are the atomic numbers of the elements that make up our bodies hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen and phosphorus. NARRATOR: The coded message also contained information about our DNA... the figure of a human... a graphic of the solar system... and a graphic of a radio telescope. For decades, SETI scientists wondered if their cosmic message would ever be received, or answered. Then, nearly 27 years later, there appeared to be a response. Hampshire, England. August 2001. Next to the Chilbolton Radio Observatory, two crop formations appeared in a field. Both are unlike any other ever found. WILLIAM HENRY: They were both pixilated, meaning that when you're on the ground, you couldn't perceive what the crop circle was, but once from the air you could readily identify the pattern. COLLINS: One of the crop formations that appeared at Chilbolton in 2001 was a face, but the other one was far, far more interesting, because it greatly resembled the message that had been sent in 1974. There were very, very subtle differences between the two. They looked identical, but when you actually looked at them, the differences gave a key that seemed to be, uh, almost like an answer. HUGH NEWMAN: One of them was the fact that the human being that we sent out, when it came back, it had what appeared to look like some kind of grey alien with a large head and a small body. It also had a different system of planets, which is suggesting it's a different solar system. And it also had a different DNA sequence as well. And so just these three things really caught my attention, because either it was a brilliant hoax or it was actually a message that came back and was a response to that original SETI message way back in the 1970s. COLLINS: And all of these suggested to the crop circle community, and the media, that we really had received a reply to the Arecibo message of 1974. Can we see it as a reply? Yes, indeed, it was. But actually who created it, and their exact purpose, will remain a mystery. NARRATOR: Some think the reply may have been to tell us that we're on the right track, communicating in the universal language of the cosmos binary code. A German mathematician, Gottfried Leibniz, is credited with defining binary code in the 17th century. In turn, Leibniz is said to have credited his inspiration to the 5,000-year-old Chinese text of I Ching, an ancient oracle code used to communicate divine guidance. DOMINIC STEAVU-BALINT: The I Ching is a kind of cryptic oracular inscription that you're supposed to decipher, and it was heavily used in divination in early China. The numerical symbols, or values, are actually tied to a semi-mythical figure by the name of Fu Xi... who is perhaps the earliest legendary ruler of China. TSOUKALOS: The history, or origin, of the I Ching is very interesting because it is said that this knowledge was imparted on Fu Xi by an otherworldly being. NARRATOR: According to ancient Chinese myth, Fu Xi lived around 3000 B.C. He and his sister were the sole survivors of a great flood, and together they repopulated the Earth. COLLINS: And it was said that one day he was on the Yellow River, um, and a water dragon appeared to him, and that on the back of this water dragon was revealed to him the eight trigrams. NARRATOR: These eight trigrams are the foundation of the I Ching. They are made up of a series of broken and unbroken lines, a distinct binary code. CHILDRESS: Fu Xi was given the information of the I Ching, what was essentially a binary code. It's basically proven that this kind of mathematical binary code is what is going to drive all computers in the future. And this is something that extraterrestrials on other planets and other galaxies must also be using. TSOUKALOS: Some have surmised that the idea for the binary code was gleaned from the I Ching. It's a very curious thing. Especially the idea that the basics of the I Ching was imparted by another type of being. NARRATOR: Could the I Ching have been an attempt by extraterrestrials to set up a common communication language with mankind? Might this also support the notion that the crop circles in Chilbolton are an actual alien response to the signal that SETI sent out into the cosmos in 1974? And have extraterrestrials been leaving messages here on Earth for us to discover for thousands of years, as ancient astronaut theorists contend? Perhaps further clues can be found by examining other mysterious symbols that have been discovered carved into rock all over the world. NARRATOR: Washington, D.C., May 2014. NASA researchers, in conjunction with SETI scientists, publish a manual enlisting archaeologists and anthropologists in the search for evidence of extraterrestrial communication. The 330-page document, entitled "Archaeology, Anthropology and Interstellar Communication," details means and methods, beyond binary code and radio signals, that scientists should consider as potential communication from extraterrestrials. Singled out in the document are rock art and carvings, including the Neolithic petroglyphs of Northumberland, England. Although the document does not directly attribute the art to extraterrestrials, it does propose the possibility that it could be tied to otherworldly communication. CHILDRESS: There are petroglyphs and other rock art that are actually quite similar all over the Earth. We have to wonder if there's not some parallel that's going on. TSOUKALOS: I think that we have to start looking at these symbols and ask, how did it originate and from where? NARRATOR: Roswell, New Mexico. September 4, 2004. (bird screeching) While tracking deer in the desert, just 11 miles from the famous Roswell crash site, Robert Ridge came across an object sticking out of the sand a small, triangular-shaped rock that is completely uniform in color and has a circular design on top of it that isn't etched into the rock, but actually protrudes from it. ROBERT RIDGE: Thought it was really cool when I first picked it up. Um, then got it to the truck, brushed it off, and then I was, like, you know, in awe. You know, I was, like, pinching myself. What is this? I thought it was very unique and very special right off the get-go, and I still do. NARRATOR: The Roswell Rock, as it has come to be known, measures roughly one-and-a-half inches thick by two inches wide. Meticulously etched out of the face of the triangular stone are circles, and crescents. Robert Ridge is convinced that this symbol is meant to convey a message, and after studying the rock, he discovered an uncanny correlation between the symbols and the magnetism of the stone. RIDGE: We found the rock has magnetic properties. A friend of mine kept hounding me about it, and he finally brought a magnet of his own, and said, "Here, do this." So, we did, and we found out that it has, uh... It's pretty cool. NARRATOR: But with all the strange qualities that the Roswell Rock possesses, what researchers find most fascinating is that the design protruding from its surface has also been found in England, nearly 5,000 miles away. DAVID WILCOCK: The pattern of the sun and moon inside the circle that we see on the rock is precisely the same as what we see in a crop circle formation dating to 1996 in southern England. NARRATOR: The crop circle appeared eight years before Robert Ridge discovered the Roswell Rock, a fact that has led some to suggest the rock is simply a manmade copy. RIDGE: One of my best friends said it looks like a hippie made it and threw it out in the desert. So I wanted to examine it. We did a 3-D CAT scan of the rock, and that's how we found out it hasn't been painted. This hasn't been stuck to the top of the rock. It's not an appliqué. It's part of the rock. It doesn't have a magnet inside. NARRATOR: Ancient astronaut theorists also contend that if someone had made the rock as a hoax, it's unlikely they would have left it half-buried in the middle of the desert where it may never be found. But what has truly convinced Robert, and many others, that the rock is not a manmade fabrication is a comparison that was done under a microscope between the Roswell Rock and a sandblasted replica. RIDGE: We started looking at it under magnification. It blew me away. And I was like, wow! What is this? It's proven to be everything I thought it was so far. In my opinion. NARRATOR: One of the first researchers to investigate the connection between the Roswell Rock and the crop circle in England was investigative journalist Linda Moulton Howe. She is convinced that within the design is a message. LINDA MOULTON HOWE: If we are dealing with advanced intelligences and you assume that throughout the universe, all solar systems, all galaxies, there have to be some, we'll call them baselines. Moons, suns and skies would be the common denominator. Something is trying to teach us humans about astronomy. The moon and the sun and the tracking of the symbols, this is reflecting past, present and future. And that comes back to, what is on that rock? Well, some people would say that that is a date. NARRATOR: A date? But why? Could there be a message encoded in the design on the Roswell Rock that reveals some significant turning point that lies ahead for mankind? WILCOCK: It could be that the extraterrestrials responsible for making crop circles which is... I-I believe that's what's happening actually generated this rock, created this near the Roswell crash so as to get us asking the right questions. A little bread crumb here and a little bread crumb there, and we're being brought closer and closer to the truth. NARRATOR: Is it possible that the design that appears on the Roswell Rock and in the crop formation in England is actually an attempt by extraterrestrials to communicate with humankind? Might this message be trying to tell us something about our future, and possibly even reveal the date on which these alien visitors plan to return? Perhaps further clues can be found by examining the geometry of one of the world's most mysterious sites. NARRATOR: Nazca. The Ica region of Peru. High in this arid desert, there is a series of precise geoglyphic formations that have mystified people since their modern discovery in the 1920s. They are called the Nazca Lines. These geoglyphs appear in many shapes and sizes. Some are figures of animals. Others are plants. And a few even appear to be depicting humans or human-like beings. And all of them were made on a scale to be seen from above. TSOUKALOS: The only true way with which you can appreciate the entire scope is from the sky. And so the stories behind them as well, to this day, are maintained very clearly. It's not meant to be seen from the ground, only by the gods, and the gods dwell up in the skies. NARRATOR: But for some ancient astronaut theorists, even more fascinating is what lies 100 miles to the north on the Cajamarquilla plain. Here, thousands of holes of varying dimensions and depths have been dug into a mountain range in a pattern that runs north and south for almost two miles. This mysterious formation has baffled archeologists for decades, and like the Nazca Lines, the holes can only be appreciated in their entirety from high above the ground. TSOUKALOS: In the mountains of Peru, we have what's commonly referred to as the Band of Holes. It is one of the coolest places in relation to the ancient astronaut theory, because who in their right mind would go ahead and dig all these holes? For what? ROBERT SCHOCH: They're an incredible mystery, a very long-lived mystery. Some people think it looks like some kind of machine was running over the territory. Some people think it was some kind of systematic mining operation. Some people say it was just pothunters, you know, looting, looking for burials. None of the explanations make good sense. NARRATOR: While the Band of Holes continues to defy explanation, some ancient astronaut theorists believe it may represent a type of message. A message that can also be found at another site 6,000 miles away. The northwest coast of France. Here, just south of Brittany, lie the legendary Carnac stones. An arrangement of over 3,000 megalithic rocks that stretch for more than two miles across the countryside. NEWMAN: The megaliths of Carnac in Brittany are just amazing. Some of them stand about 30 or 40 feet tall. There are multiple avenues of stones going right over hills. And no one's really worked out exactly what their purpose is. NARRATOR: Like the Band of Holes in Peru, the Carnac stones continue to defy explanation. But ancient astronaut theorists suggest that the clue to understanding both mysterious sites might be found by comparing them side by side. The Band of Holes runs for approximately two miles. So do the Carnac stones. The width of the Band of Holes measures eight holes across, occasionally deviating by one or two holes. This too is the case with the Carnac stones. And when viewed from high above, the layout of the two sites is eerily similar. CHILDRESS: It would appear, in my mind, that there's some connection that's between Carnac, France and Peru, and a special code put there for us to find at-at a future time when we could understand these codes. NARRATOR: Some ancient astronaut theorists have even gone so far as to suggest that the Band of Holes may have once held some sort of standing totems, similar to what is believed to have existed at Stonehenge. And that those totems may have disappeared because they were disappeared because they were made of wood. WILCOCK: There are a series of post-holes that were found all around Stonehenge, in which you can stick sticks in the holes. But they degraded over time and it gradually crumbled away, and perhaps the same thing happened in the Nazca Plain in Peru with these holes. NARRATOR: Could there really be a connection between the Carnac stones in France and the Band of Holes in Peru, as ancient astronaut theorists suggest? And if so, is it meant to convey a message? WILCOCK: If you look at the stones at Carnac, you see curious alignments. And these alignments actually duplicate the Pythagorean triangle. But this appears to have happened as much as 3,000 years before Pythagoras allegedly invented the Pythagorean triangle. What you're seeing is remarkable mathematical symbolism and encoding messages that seem to suggest somebody wanted us to know it was built with technology far in excess of what we have now. ERICH VON DANIKEN: Some thousands of years in the past, the extraterrestrials who visited our planet left a proof behind. They knew that in the far future the humans will see these stone patterns. They will realize that this is high geometry. And sooner or later, the questions comes up, have we maybe been visited by beings from outer space? NARRATOR: Is it possible that these two ancient sites are both conveying a message left behind by extraterrestrials? And was it their intention that it would one day be deciphered by mankind? Ancient astronaut theorists say yes, and claim that further evidence can be found with another alien message, one that is encoded in the Bible. NARRATOR: London, England. 1971. After years of studying ancient philosophical teachings relating to the Egyptian mystery schools, author John Michell unearths evidence of an ancient code. A numerical and geometric code seemingly embedded not only in the sacred structures of ancient Egypt, but also in the Hebrew world, and in the plans for the heavenly city of New Jerusalem. McGOWAN: John Michell was a scholar, he was a mystic, he was a genius and a very, very prolific author. He had an incredible understanding of Earth geometry and geography. But what John Michell is most famous for is the New Jerusalem diagram. NARRATOR: By carefully examining the physical description of New Jerusalem in Revelation 21, Michell uncovered a sacred design. At the core of Michell's diagram is the squaring of the circle, and the division of the circle into equal sectors a Zodiac wheel. And the positioning of 12 gates to the heavenly city three on each side of the square, representing the 12 tribes of Israel. CHILDRESS: This is also a geometric figure, and John Michell claimed that this would be, uh, how the New Jerusalem was to be built in the future. And that all this was encoded in Revelations in a mathematical geometric way. NARRATOR: In his book The Dimensions of Paradise, Michell proposed that this sacred geometry represented the order of the universe. Ancient astronaut theorists suggest that this exact same geometrical concept can be found halfway around the world in Nazca, Peru. Here in the desert, among the many plant and animal glyphs, is a geometric design that looks much different from the rest of the Nazca lines. It is called the Sun-Star and Cross. CHILDRESS: The Nazca Sun-Star glyph is one of the most interesting glyphs to be seen at Nazca. And, in fact, because it's in a remote area, the Palpa Valley, it's not actually seen by many tourists. But it is by far, uh, the strangest and most mathematically precise of all of the-the diagrams at Nazca. NARRATOR: The Sun-Star and Cross glyph is a precisely formed star polygon made of two squares surrounding a perfect circle, all sharing the same center and diameter. Inside the grid are wheels within wheels and squares within squares. The design mirrors not only New Jerusalem's sacred geometry, but also offers up yet another connection. CHILDRESS: When you look at it, it's very obviously what is called a "mandala." Or a "yantra" in ancient India or Tibet. What a mandala, yantra glyph is doing in remote desert of Peru is very interesting. TSOUKALOS: It's a very sacred symbol. It's this idea of being connected with the realm of the gods. And then we have to once again ask ourselves, well, what was the realm of the gods? It's very interesting to note that, seen from the sky, it is very similar, not identical but very similar to, for example, the layout of the temples at Borobudur. NARRATOR: The Buddhist temple of Borobudur lies over 11,000 miles west of Nazca in Indonesia, and is laid out with a series of precise circles within a platform of perfect squares. TSOUKALOS: One has to wonder if somehow all these sites are the ancient astronaut theory excels in, that people in our ancient past were not isolated. They had contact with each other. In the end, there is an extraterrestrial connection. COLLINS: Is this something that was taught by the ancients from one culture to the rest and they incorporated these divine cities, these New Jerusalems? Or is this something that may have been given to us by some divine intelligence? NARRATOR: Is it possible that the New Jerusalem design, the Sun-Star and Cross of Nazca, the Temple of Borobudur, and other geometric structures around the world are encoded with similar mathematic and geometric principles? And if so, are they part of an alien message that is meant not only to inform us of our celestial origins, but to guide us towards a reconnection? Perhaps a key to understanding the relevance of this sacred code can be found by examining the astrological alignments of mysterious sites throughout the world. NARRATOR: Isolated in the Pacific Ocean, more than 2,000 miles off the coast of Chile, lies one of the most mysterious places on Earth Easter Island. This tiny landmass is home to nearly 900 monolithic stone statues carved out of volcanic rock. 2,564 miles to the East, isolated 7,000 feet above sea level, are the ruins of a mysterious lost city of the Inca, called Macchu Pichu. And 10,742 miles away, on the opposite side of the world, lies Mohenjo-daro, a site where ancient astronaut theorists believe a nuclear explosion may have occurred in the distant past. Curiously, as discovered by researcher Jim Alison, these three sites fall in a straight line around the center of the Earth. And with just a minor margin of error, it also runs through a number of other mysterious ancient sites. McGOWAN: We have the Giza plateau, we have Nazca, we have Angkor Wat in Cambodia. All of these extraordinarily important, powerful, sacred places were all built in a straight line. Now, this cannot be an accident. This cannot be a coincidence. NARRATOR: The line also encompasses the ancient Sumerian city of Ur; the ruins of Petra, Jordan; and Persepolis, the capital city of ancient Persia. TSOUKALOS: There are all these different sites that seem to line up, even if it's a minute degree of deviation, it's never a massive distance from that line. NARRATOR: How is it that so many important ancient sites across the globe all follow this line? What could possibly explain this coincidence? TSOUKALOS: This is bizarre because only a people capable of flight, or at least being able to look at maps, would be able to do such a thing. Could it be because some of those points were in fact places where our ancestors made contact with extraterrestrials? McGOWAN: There has to be something important in the location and the geography, in the geometry that indicated to our ancestors that this is sacred ground, that this is a powerful place to put these sacred sites. NARRATOR: Ancient astronaut theorists say evidence of extraterrestrial intervention can also be found by looking at how early humans aligned their most important sites with the stars. At the Giza Plateau in Egypt, the layout of the three Great Pyramids aligns perfectly with the belt stars of the constellation Orion. ROBERT BAUVAL: Orion's Belt is made up of two bright stars and a third dimmer star, which is offset a bit to the left. It's exactly what you see on the ground two large pyramids in alignment with a third pyramid offset. It looks like they wanted to build stars on the ground, if you like. NARRATOR: Also aligned with these stars are the ancient city of Teotihuacán in Central Mexico... the Hopi villages in the American Southwest... and the Thornborough Henges, a Neolithic landscape complex in Northern England. Could it be merely coincidence that so many ancient cultures throughout the world, that presumably had no contact with each other, all built their most important sites by using celestial alignments? WILCOCK: Look, this is not something that can be explained away as a coincidence. It's time for us to responsibly take a look at what we're really seeing and understand that there is a worldwide, intelligent, highly mathematically precise plan behind these designs. CHILDRESS: The idea that even ancient buildings' alignments are encoded with information and that where they sit on the planet is also part of an intricate code is a fascinating idea, and one that we're just beginning to understand. NARRATOR: Could it be that the curious location and alignments of ancient sacred sites were actually meant to serve as a form of communication? And might the purpose have been to leave behind a hidden message for future generations to discover? Ancient astronaut theorists say yes, and suggest that otherworldly messages can be found not only hidden throughout the globe, but even within the human body. NARRATOR: The University of Cambridge, England. March 1953. American biologist James Watson and English physicist Francis Crick discover the three-dimensional double-helix shape of DNA. This scientific breakthrough is a giant leap forward in unraveling the mystery of mankind's origins. But our genetic code proves to be so complex that Francis Crick proposes it did not develop by chance, and also that it is not of this Earth. CHILDRESS: Sir Francis Crick said that the human genome is-is not something that could have occurred randomly, and that therefore, we were somehow programmed specifically by extraterrestrials, it would seem, many thousands of years ago. HENRY: The message is, is that our DNA didn't come from Earth. In fact, their research suggests that our DNA is billions of years old, and that we were in fact seeded from the stars. WILCOCK: The DNA molecule itself is the equivalent of the entire Encyclopedia Britannica being dropped out of a helicopter, chopped up into individual words and then as the words fall out of the helicopter like confetti, that they all arrange into the correct order that they were in. That's the madness that is required to even speculate that DNA could have evolved randomly on Earth. NARRATOR: Is it possible that DNA is an intelligently designed code? And if so, might there be even more information imbedded within our genetic makeup than scientists have yet to find? ANTONIS ROKAS: As an information molecule, I think DNA is much more attractive than radio signals and so on. It lives longer, it has the ability to self-replicate, and it has an astronomically tiny error rate. And so these three properties make DNA a unique storage device. So, if you want to store a secret or a stamp of the maker, DNA would be your choice. NARRATOR: Could it be that there are messages actually imprinted right in our genetic makeup? Ancient astronaut theorists say yes, and contend that part of that message may be contained within the universal structure of DNA, which consists of a series of three molecule combinations known as codons or triplets. They say that it is much more than coincidence that three is also the number of stars in Orion's belt... the number of pyramids on the Giza Plateau that line up with those stars... and the basic geometry behind the pyramid shape itself. WILCOCK: We have a very fascinating connection to data points saying the same thing. Number three is where you begin building geometry. The DNA molecule has an underlying geometry to it. Geometry is intrinsic to the design of the universe, and that the number three builds the triangle, the triangle being the building block of all other geometry. Maybe we'll learn some very interesting things once we can correctly decipher the message. NARRATOR: Are there alien messages all around us, hidden within elaborate designs, embedded in geographical alignments, carved in rock, etched into the landscape, and even encoded in our DNA? And if so, might there be some significance to the fact that we are just now beginning to discover these messages? REVEREND MICHAEL CARTER: In the Book of Daniel, there's a chapter that tells Daniel to seal up the prophecies of the Hebrew scriptures. And it will be opened again in the days when human beings are running to and fro and knowledge will increase. Well, we could argue that we're living in those days that Daniel was writing about. McGOWAN: So much of what we know about ancient culture, ancient architecture, ancient technology is encoded. There are codes in literature. We see in the New Jerusalem diagram that there is encoding, again in geometry, in the architecture. These codes were left to us a long, long time ago so that we could find our way, so that we could remember who we are. CHILDRESS: Is it some kind of message for us from the past that we're to decode when we have reached a higher state of civilization and knowledge that we can figure all this out? It would seem that we are only just now reaching a point of knowledge and technology that we can understand these codes and find the hidden meaning that's there. NARRATOR: Is it possible that the answers to mankind's greatest questions where did we come from, why are we here, and where are we headed are actually all around us, hidden in alien messages, waiting to be deciphered? Perhaps the key to decoding it all lies in an ancient script, our own DNA, or something we have yet to discover. And once we crack the code, we will find that the answers to these questions are far more profound than we ever imagined. Captioning sponsored by AE TELEVISION NETWORKS Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org There must be some spell I can say to undo all this. You have to bury it deep below the place where your journey began. Just keep on breathing, okay? I've been wanting to... get closer to you? Well, hey there! Hello. So are you two together or...? Nah, he's got a girlfriend though. Amanda, what the hell happened? Your hand, grew another you. Lookin' for me? - Time... to... - Time... to... - die! - die! What the fuck? Is goin' on? Son of a bitch! Holy shit. Two Ashes? Easy kids. No need to jump the gun here. Yeah, yeah, don't shoot the wrong guy, dummies. Oh, you buyin' this shiny turd? This is the guy who killed Fisher. Come on, take him out! I did not! That guy killed Fisher. Take him down! Well of course he's gonna say that, he's a murderer. Pablo, amigo, just kill the guy and I'll get you a piñata or whatever. Subtle racism? But not that subtle. Hey, hey, I'm a racist, too. Asian babies creep me out, but, unlike Mister Imposter here, I know stuff about your past. Stuff that only you told me. Pablo, till you were nine, your best friend was a kitty cat. Notorious C.A.T. Anybody can figure that crap out! Kelly, when you were in junior high school, you told me you busted a stained glass window of a church. By accident. Then you punched a nun in the face. Ha-ha. She was being so dramatic about that stained glass, and she hit me first. Okay, look. Just shoot us both. What? Yeah, it's the only way. That way this ass-wipe is dead, and I don't have to deal with this horse shit anymore. Ho, ho, ho. Come on. All right. Oh, oh, no, no, no! Okay, how'd you know it was really me? Well, first off, you're racist, but not against Asians. Well, why would I be? They give such incredible massages, with those teeny hands. Also, you tried to take the easy way out. Total Ash move. What? Come on. The only person you're willing to lay down and die for is you. Well, that's because I'm very important to me. Yeah, we definitely shot the right one. I'm reconsidering. Still, I might've given my life for her. God, we would've made such a handsome couple. So, how did that happen? My asshole hand. It came back, grew another me. Same shit, different day. Things were goin' fine with Amanda too, but that went south. All because of that goddamn book. No disrespect. You were the one who read from it. No disrespect Kelly. If you live in the past, you hurt the future. Now this Book has some freaky weird power. The sooner it's six feet under, the better. First we gotta deal with these bodies. We can't have Hot and Sexy coming' back to ruin our day. And I say that with all due respect to her. Well, brains before beauty. Hello! Aw, shit. We got company. Happy campers comin' at ya. Hello? Ah, hey. Ah, what are you guys doin' here? Brad got us lost. It wasn't my fault. Uh, the-the trees, they, uh, you know it's like the trail map just stopped making sense. Uh, uh, can we crash here maybe? In this tiny cabin? No, no, no, the three of us here, we, we kind of fill it up to capacity. Plus there's a few dead bodies in there. Dead animal bodies. Right, because maybe, we're veterinarians, ah, really bad ones. We specialize in a very radical form of surgery. Or we're just hunters. I think the point is, there's no room at the inn. So you guys might just have to beat it, sorry. But, ah, but-but maybe we could, ah, just camp in the front yard? Can you give us a second? - That could work. - Okay, look, there is no way in hell they're gonna stay here, 'cause they're gonna get possessed, then they're gonna be on the night train to Kill-adelphia. With stops in Choke-lahoma City, and Die-ami. Nice. I thought you'd like that. Oh, hey, sorry to break up your moment, but we can't just send them back into the woods. Who knows what else is out there? It's a hell of a lot safer out there than here. And you're just worried about the little sister. Guns, and a chainsaw... Yeah, I am. Her name's Heather, and she's super cute. I don't know much else about her. That's all you have to know. Okay, look. You two are gonna take 'em the back way to Elk Rapids. Man, what back way? There's a trail right up behind the cabin, goes to civilization, then get your asses back here 'cause I need ya. In the meantime, some of us have to slice and dice. Good luck. So... change of plans. It's cool of you guys to show us the way out of here. Oh yeah, well, anything to get out of a house of dead animals, right? Listen, I know you're not hunters, or veterinarians, not normal ones anyway. What are you guys up to? What? We're gettin' you and your family to Elk Rapids. Okay, fine, it's a secret. You know what? If you didn't have a girlfriend, I'd find a way to get it out of you. What do you mean "girlfriend?" Well, I heard you were seeing someone. From who? From, from her. Is it serious? I'm not sure. - You okay? - Yeah. Chopping up my evil clone. Maybe someday that'll feel weird. Maybe I should mount this on the wall. Ash... Ash! Fuck me. To bury me is a mistake. No. No, we are not having this conversation! You should use me. No, I already did that dance, made my life a living hell! Only because you're trying to fight me. Stop fighting. Admit it, you're not all good either. Be smart, for once. Use me. No. You're takin' a dirt nap. Ash, if you bury me, you stop being a Superman, and go back to being a stock boy. - No! - Yes! No, not this guy. I've got possibilities. To do what? Have a family? Become president? Get rich? None of that's ever going to happen! I'm what makes you special. Blah, blah, blah. Play's over, Shakespeare. Amanda, I'm sorry for, what I must do to you. Promise I'll be a gentleman and respect your modesty, while I cut you into small pieces. Well, maybe just one last little peek at those... Shit! Amanda? ! You know what? I like the forest in the fog. It kind of glows. Yeah, day or night, there's always something beautiful out here. Even if it's hard for some people to see it. Hey, I voted for Lake Havasu, okay? So, Heather just told me that I got a girlfriend? That's weird. Yeah. She said you told her that. I did. - Why? - I don't think she's good enough for you. What's wrong with her? Come on, you know how crazy girls can be. Yeah, I'm learning. Look, Pablo, I'm sorry, okay? But it's not a good idea to get involved with someone right now. What, why? Because life expectancy is real short out here. And I don't wanna have to deal with that aftermath, and neither should you. That's not how I wanna live. Watch out! Stay back! What is it? What is it? It was just a... raccoon. - Ew! - Guys, guys. What the hell? You know, it-it makes for real good eatin'. I've never heard that before. Oh, yeah. Makes a real robust and savory stew. Ah, we should keep movin'. Come on. Hang on! Hang on! Let's look before we leap this time, huh? Get outta the way, Brad. Excuse me, but my husband works in forestry, and I think you should listen to him. He needs to stand clear of the trees, all right? Why, so you can shoot another innocent animal? Hello, pussies! Ash was supposed to chop you up! Guess he can't do anything right. No, no, no! No, no! No! Oh, shit, shit! Oh, God! Oh, God. Oh, my God! Put him down! Drop 'em! Why, is that what Ash would want you to do? Oh, God. "Hello, I'm Pablo. "I do whatever Ash wants me to do!" "Ooh, ooh, ooh, hi, I'm Kelly! "I do whatever Ash "wants me to do, too." "Hello Kelly, "do you love me? "'Cause I love you!" "I love you, I love you, I love you! "I love you, I love you!" Shut up! Shut up! Get off! - No! - Ah! You're next, hot stuff! Leave her alone! Before you die, I want you to know, there is no heaven. I'm gonna peel the skin off your pretty little face! Get away from her! It's time your loyalty to Ash got rewarded. You! Amanda. Ruby. Ash did this to me. Don't trust her! She's lying! The truth. The truth is... we could still be together, if you want. Well I'd like that. But our time has not yet come. Did you really have to do that? Amateurs. Who the hell is that? Uh, my, my leg, I... I'm almost done. This isn't real. It can't be happening. I wish you were right. Better tell Goldilocks to shut her baby blues. This fairy tale's about to get real bloody. Oh jeez, just stop it! What are you doing? It's okay. Listen, we gotta chop 'em up... or else they could come back as somethin' much worse. Nothing is worse than this. Trust me, everything is worse than this. So who the hell are you, and what do you want with Ash? I'm the one who's gonna stop him turning more people into monsters. What the hell are you talking about? Ash doesn't turn anyone into monsters. He fights them. Yeah, he's the only one standing in their way. And me too. I stand in their way all the time. Oh, yeah. He fights them, all right. He's still got that book, hasn't he? Necronomicon? 'Cause you know that, that is at the root of all this trouble. Listen... Amanda was my friend too. It doesn't matter what Ash's intentions are. As long as he's got that Book... a trail of dead bodies is gonna follow. So take me to him. - Whoa! - Why the hell are you on this property, and where's the book you stole from my family? Easy, Nancy Drew. What hell are you guys doin', selling' tickets? She's a Knowby, and she saved us from Fisher. Well, not all of us. Okay. All right. Well, number one, it's my book, has been for 30 years. Number two, I'm on your damn property, 'cause I'm here to save a little somethin' I call "Earth." You know what I've been doing these past 30 years? Cleaning up your messes so they don't destroy a giant thing that everyone calls "the Earth." And what have you accomplished in all these years? You put a chainsaw on your stump? Congratulations. You know, it's a lot harder than it looks. Name one other person you know that has a functioning chainsaw arm. This has to stop. You've got The Necronomicon, and you need to give it to me. - So where is it? - None of your beeswax. I will tell you this though, pretty soon it's gonna be six feet under. - Oh, you're gonna bury it? - Bet your bippy. I found that out during a drug fuelled trip. So, your entire plan to save the world comes courtesy of a bong hit? No, I didn't smoke the drug, lady. I drank the drug, which gave my mind a backstage pass to the reality show. I'm gonna bury it in the basement, then I can finally say to evil, "Hey, evil, why don't you eat my butt?" Wonderful imagery, but it won't work if you just bury the book. That's what my vision says. Then your vision is stupid. Yeah, you're right. It is kinda stupid. Almost as stupid as your stupid face. Just say one more dumb thing. I'm gonna say a lot of dumb things. That didn't work. Okay, okay, kids! Break it up, all right? Just everyone take a deep breath, okay? Look. If The Book is just buried like before, then some other fool, like you, can come along and use it. For The Necronomicon to be laid to rest, it has to be dismantled. - Destroyed. - Impossible, tried it. With what, your peashooter, and your-your power saw? Don't talk bad about Mo and Larry here. They've served me very well over the years. Sure, they can kill the body that evil inhabits, but that spirit just keeps comin' back, doesn't it? Maybe. Yeah, you see The Book, and the evil that surrounds it, really aren't affected by such things. No, you gotta use this. Kandarian Dagger. I know what that is. Yeah, so why don't you show me the book, and we'll finally end this. I gotta talk to my peeps. All right, guys. What do you think? Okay, well, she did save our lives, and I think she smells kinda nice. Although I haven't showered in a really long time, so I'm probably not the best judge. I don't know, I mean, if I've learned anything from you, Ash, it's that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is, and also she doesn't smell that nice. Man, making decisions is so hard. Let's look on the bright side, we're balls deep in this shit. There's nowhere to go but up. Yeah, up shit's creek. Without a paddle. Okay, you have to use the Kandarian Dagger to deface The Book. Literally, rip the face off the binding, and once you start, you cannot stop, no matter how difficult it gets. Don't stop till the facelift is done. Got it. Okay, Book. It's gonna hurt you a lot more than it's gonna hurt me. Ash. Yeah, I forgot to mention this thing has become quite the Chatty Cathy. Not for long. Ash! No! Please! Oh, Jesus. Okay, now what? Now present The Book to me. Then the power of ownership will be mine, and the ritual will be complete. Sounds simple enough. What's wrong? Ah, nothin'. Then why'd you stop? Well, I don't know, it just, should I say goodbye to it or what? With The Book defaced, time is of the essence. Yeah, yeah, I got that, but after all we've been through? Ash, you have carried this burden for 30 years. Isn't it time you let someone else take the load? Just let her take your load, Jefe. Just finish it. Okay, fine. Sure. Yeah, take it. Chorzem, kumaarizma, uwarizim aratta. Fa raga shi ta, lucera gai suckra. Ishtar dumuzi, Akah Mannah! I don't think I like this. Vara ashitar, bara anasa iktanar. Whede sighonor. Haratar! What's happening? There's somethin' fishy with that book. Sherbo livarnar! Pablo! Pablo! Pablo! - Help me! - Oh, my God! - Help me! - Oh, my God! Get it off him! - Kan draw, ecru-em, finitum! - Ruby, gimme that book! You have no idea what you're doin'! Help! Ash! Do something! - Help us! - Help me! Of course I know what I'm doing. I wrote this book. Molly: Iwentto space ona 13-monthsolomission. Ididn'tcomehomealone. Thechild--parthuman, partalien-- Wasunlikeanything theworldhadeverseen . Myotherchildis alifelikeandroid. Mom? Hehasbecomethe prototype fora newbreed Ofthinkingmachines calledhumanichs. Thesetwoextraordinary newlife-forms Nowholdthekey toearth'sfuture. Butwheredoesthatleaveus? Over99%of allspecies Thathaveeverexisted havegoneextinct. Whatifit 'sourtime? Previouslyonextant... That's john woods' car. He leaves humanichs, Hiscarstops onthetraintracks... (train horn blaring) unlock this door! What do you know about taylor? Shepherd: Athreatassessmentcomputer Calderonandjohn createdwayback. John knew I had a way to shut taylor down. Taylor decided to stop him. Taylor killed my husband? Taalr: Perhaps it's time you told the public About the hybrid invasion. But there aren't enough national guardsmen to maintain control. Taalr: Youhavehumanichs. If it is the end of the world, maybe we should Enjoy the time we have left, Evenifit is forjustonenight. Ethan told me about your legs. (gasps) Lucy told shepherd that she was answering Toa higherauthority. We need to find out where Thoseordersarecomingfrom . Lucy: Youwereplayingme. That'sokay. I hid julie; your turn to find her. Help me! (muffled screaming) Molly: Thekillswitchistheamulet. Calderon: Itis. Molly: Thisistheamulet ThatI washoldinginmydream WhenI triedto killyou . Just let me do it. Molly. No. We're gonna use it. No matter what happens. Woman: You are aware of the gravity of the situation? Yes, madam president. We're doing everything we can. We've instituted random checkpoints. We have every humanich on the street that's available to us. We will find molly woods. Just get it done. (earpiece chimes) ¶ ¶ Osama bin laden. Do you know who that was? A terrorist. Of the late 20th and early 21st centuries. Responsible for many attacks, Including those of September 11, 2001. He was killed may 2, 2011... Let me stop you right there. He was killed. That mission was accomplished. What are the humanichs doing to accomplish this mission? There will be 1,000 more online by tomorrow, ma'am. That's the kind of initiative I expect from you, lucy. Yes, ma'am. You'll be seeing a lot more of that. (knocking on door) Julie wouldn't mind. Ethan: Charlie? ! Man (over p.A.): Attention. Please cooperate with security forces. They are here for your protection. Pain in the ass, all this security. It's a crock. You ask me, more people were killed last year By bad eggs than by terrorists. (chuckles): Not my bad eggs. (chuckles) Oh! Honey, are you okay? You're bleeding. I got to get you to a hospital. No. You're dorothy. You knew my father, ahdu. They're looking for me. Please help me. Okay. Come on, come on, come on. Man (over p.A.): Please cooperate with security forces. (indistinct radio chatter) They are here for your protection. (exhales) Is he dead? Richter: No, he's drunk. Charlie! (coughs) wake up. Charlie. Charlie. Why did you do this? (panting) Julie. (coughs) She's dead. It's my fault. (coughs) Taalr: Nicholas calderon has been captured. Yes, I heard. I believe there's something in molly woods' possession That may be of concern. Calderon took something from a safety deposit vault. He risked exposure in order to get it. I believe that he gave it to molly woods. Given both of their agendas, I can only assume That whatever he gave her poses a serious threat to us. What are your recommendations? I have one that should get the job done. I tried everything to find her. If I'm responsible for killing the woman I love, How am I supposed to live with that? Ethan: But it's still possible That she's alive. Right? It's possible. Richter: Did lucy give you any clues To where julie might be? Ask you for anything In exchange for her? (charlie sniffles) No. She said my punishment was I would never know what happened to her. She was right. There's nothing worse. I created lucy. Unleashed this monster on the world. Charlie... What if you could destroy that monster? I thought taylor's prime directive Was to keep humanity safe, Not to destroy us. Well, apparently he got the details Of the mission a little screwed up. An artificial superintelligence Controlling an army Of highly skilled killer robots. It's every futurist's nightmare. This is the silver bullet, huh? Molly: Mm-hmm. Nano-tech. Self-replicating worm. It'll destroy his hardware. Taylor is way too sophisticated to let you get Close enough to use that. Maybe. Calderon gave us this map of one euclid. That's where taylor's main server is. It's also one of the most secure complexes in the world. What if we just... Blow up the whole damn building? That building is the nerve center For the western half of the planet. You'd take down The entire infrastructure, From streetlights to satellites. The financial markets would close, Planes would lose their nav systems. It'd be cybergeddon. It'd have to be a surgical strike. We'd need a complete power grid shutdown, Long enough to approach taylor while he's asleep. Asleep? Response to the grid shutdown. And then, after that, you'd have maybe 30 seconds To get the job done before you'd be caught and killed. And you'd need someone on the inside. So you're saying there is a way to do this. I'm saying there's no way for this to happen Without somebody being killed. (door opens) Corrine: Madam secretary? You have a visitor. They found him wandering outside the gates. Said he needed to talk to you, that it was urgent. Ethan. What's going on? There isn't much time. Lucy: Time for what? Hey, little brother. I've missed you. I missed you, too. A visit from a special boy Like you deserves a special treat. Oh. I'll join you. Not necessary. We're just gonna go for some ice cream, lucy. Go outside, ethan. I'll be right back. Be sure to tap any sort of communication. (door beeps) He's in. They swooped him up outside the gsc. If anything happens to him, charlie... Oh, no, don't worry about ethan. He's smarter than all of us put together. (phone ringing) Dorothy? All right, stay put. I'm on my way. What happened? Dorothy's got terra. I'm gonna bring them in. This little light comes on, they're engaged. Okay. This is an encrypted chat room, right? No one can intercept the communication. But don't stay more than 45 seconds. After that, even with a code scramble, They can trace your location. (beeping) They're traveling. You okay? I had it pictured. Right down to the white picket fence and the golden retriever. What good is saving the world If the people you love aren't in it? Molly, what if she's already dead? Charlie. When I trained to go to space, They told me, "don't think about if you don't come home. Think about what you'll do when you get there." Okay? Okay. They're in position. I'm going for ethan. Remember, no more than 45 seconds. Got it. Fiona: These are some veryseriousthings You're saying here, ethan. I know. And molly sent you to tell me all of this? Where is she? I can't tell you. Not until I know we have a deal. How will you know? In movies, they shake hands. And if the person has honor, which I think you do, Then the deal is sealed and they can trust each other. Okay, you can talk to her now. Where is she? Here. Hello, fiona. I'm sure by now ethan has told you Everything about taylor and the humanichs program. And that taylor killed general shepherd. Yes. Why should I believe any of this nonsense? Because it's the truth. Toby was killed by A gsc-issued drone, Not the hybrids. And I'm supposed to just Take your word for it? Every drone has a transponder code. Check the flight log. Madam secretary, you have the wrong enemy. We have contact with a vr trans. Location. Vr trace, 30 seconds. How can you suggest that hybrids aren't dangerous to humans? Because hybrids want peace. Taylor ginned up this whole threat Just to create demand for humanichs. Now he's got killing squads roaming the streets, And thousands more to come. Now, we can shut taylor down. With the fail-safe that john and calderon created In the event that he exceeded his limits. But we can't do that without your help. Man: Madam secretary, We have a lock in ten seconds. Fiona: I'm going to need totakethisall the way up To the president. No, you can't do that. Iftaylorfindsout , it'llbetoolate. Five seconds, ma'am, we'll have a location. I'm afraid it's all up to you. Damn it. What happened? Tech: Mollywoodscutoff contact Before we could complete the trace. (knockingondoor) Oh, my god, terra, wh-what happened? Humanichs patrol shot her in broad daylight. This is gonna hurt a little bit. (whimpers) It's okay, it's okay. I'm here. I-I couldn't take her to a hospital. It was just too dangerous. Jd had me bring her here. Thank you. Richter: She's gonna be all right. The bullet just grazed her. You done good, judge. (door beeps) How'd I do? You did great, honey. The ball's in fiona's court now. Julie... No, it's terra. She's gonna be okay. Terra's alive. Maybe there's still hope for julie. Yeah, buddy. Maybe. How's kelsey? She's good. She's starting her second trimester. Kind of reminds me of me. She's carrying all in front. That's how I knew I was having a girl. I remember. It was like you had swallowed a beach ball. (laughs) Gosh. Dorothy. On the off chance something should happen to me, I want you to know that I took out a life insurance policy. Okay, jd, don't... No, please, let me finish. There's a safe at the cabin, Under the bed, below the floorboards. The combination is our anniversary. Inside, there's something for both you and kelsey. You're talking like somebody who thinks they're gonna die. No. No. It's just a precaution. Okay. We'll have 20 model ls up and running by tomorrow. And you got the specs for this new project from taylor? They just came in. I've put a team on it. Expedite it. (whirring) What did you find out? Did you check the logs? There was in fact a drone released The night general shepherd was killed. Who authorized it? That's the confusing part, ma'am. No one. Madam secretary, we have an urgent situation. The virus containment unit has been breached. Is anything missing? The hn21c strain. That's the first iteration. I'm sorry, ma'am? This is not the strain of the virus that just kills hybrids. This is the first strain-- the one that kills human beings too. Freeze! How long you been hiding out in my garage? About as long as you've been In hawaii? (laughs) Oh, you can't be here. You're, like, a fugitive from justice and such. You trust me? Yes. And no. Mostly yes. You want in on a fight That might actually be worth fighting? Is there such a thing? What would you say if I told you we had a chance To save this godforsaken hellhole of a planet? I'd say... How much does it pay? I thought you might say that. It's all I got. The rest goes to kelsey. Oh... So what are we doing? It's really kind of you to help like this. Of course. Molly, I-I'm so glad to see you back. I mean, when... When I last saw you... Yeah. Well... I was luckier than ahdu. You could go, you know. You-you don't have to stay. I know, I-I could. I... (sighs) You still love him, don't you? Why do you do that? I mean, pry into my thoughts like that. It's just cruel. I don't mean to be cruel, dorothy. I just... I just want you to go tell him how you feel. It appears madam secretary is no longer Someone who can be trusted. Taalr: Yes, I'm aware. Fiona stanton checked the drone logs. Would you like her terminated? Not yet. She's still useful. We need to keep a low profile while we complete our mission. You're ready to go operational? Quite ready. Good. One more thing. Would you mind telling me what you had for breakfast? Certainly. One euclid-- taylor's nerve center. On the outside, a nondescript office building. Inside... More security than fort knox. If we're smart and very lucky, Here's how we might get in. First,I 'mgonnahack intothesystemand makeit Looklikeit 'soverheating. That's where you come in. You're gonna turn us into a gsc service crew. They put a maintenance call out, we grab it. Governmentservicevehicle, gscmaintenanceuniforms, ScannableI.D. They got facial rec? State of the art. I'm not worried-- just asking what to pack. Female voice: Lens printing complete. Richter: In through the lobby, andweclearsecurity. There will be more clearances, protocols with the guards. That's when I reach out to fiona. She'sagreed Toshutdownthe powergrid , So the situation at one euclid looks more critical. Richter: Guards get us downstairs To systems control. That's where all the manual overrides are located. And once the power grid is down, The doors to taylor's primary server room Can be opened manually. And that's when terra and I make our move. Okay, how do you get past the guards? You're the most wanted woman on the planet. Richter: Let's just say that molly... Has her ways. I'm not gonna ask. You're gonna have a five-minute window Before his backup system overrides the grid. Okay, so I'm gonna have about two minutes To reach the port. And release this Into taylor. Charlie: And once the power comes back on, The doors to the maze will close. The only way you're getting back out is if you succeed. And you're gonna have to memorize this map. There's no way you're gonna have time For directions once you're in. How do you memorize a maze? Molly: I don't know how you do it But I think I just did. Fiona: How is it possible that we have no security footage Of the breach? Apparently, it was wiped. Fiona: Then who the hell has the virus? Brasilia, shanghai, Tel aviv, seoul, mumbai, lagos, St. Petersburg. Have a nice flight. Hey. Hey. (sighs): Ooh. These last few weeks have been insane. Yeah, well, that's one way of putting it. (chuckles) Um... Kelsey's really looking forward to spending some quality time With you when the baby's born. Did she say that? Yes. She did. I'm looking forward to it, too. Okay, well... Good. Our daughter needs you, jd. I need you. Dorothy, what the hell? This is a suicide mission. Ah... Damn it. Molly put you up to this, didn't she? You don't have to prove anything to anyone. No, she had no right. She loves you, you idiot. Dorothy... Go home to our daughter... And her baby. And you take care of them. For both of us. You're a good man. (door beeps) Ares came for me. I'm sorry I ran out on you. I had no choice. I was worried about you, terra. But I knew you were out there. How are you feeling? Better. Thanks to dorothy. She's one of the good ones. They come in all stripes. People. Just like us hybrids. Some of us are compassionate like ahdu. Some of us are angry like ares. And then there's everything in between. And where is it you think I fall? Well, you know, You've done some things with ares That tipped the scales more towards angry than kind. Yes, we're angry. Things are bad out there and we were trying... We are trying to survive. Here's what I think. In the end, it's kindness and compassion That'll save us all. Not violence and anger. (quietly): Okay? I'm gonna ask you to do something. Something that might balance those scales. What the hell kind of stunt was that? I'm trying to remind you That there are people here that love you and need you! So you enlist my ex-wife to manipulate me? Don't play that game, molly. I'm not playing games. Now, you believe in that vision Just as much as I do. What if I do? Then why are you willfully And deliberately marching towards your own death? When I came back from 2nd k, I can't tell you how many nights I would wake up in a cold sweat. The nightmares... I understand that! No, you don't! A soldier recently told me that I walked away From my war, from my men. That wasn't your war! Maybe it wasn't, but this is! And I want to see it through. (electronic chirping) It's fiona. Something's happened. You're gonna have to go right now. Now? But we're not ready. Listen to me. An hour ago, a dozen humanichs went off-site. Got on planes with the virus-- the first iteration. The one that kills humans. We have six hours to stop them. They've overridden nav systems, Shut off contact with the planes. There's no way to land them. If I give the order to shoot them down, Taylor will be alerted, And god knows what he'll unleash upon us. Good luck, molly. I'm sorry to bring you in so late. We have a security drill That we need to run immediately. Based on a scenario where our infrastructure's been hacked. We need to see how quickly we can run A sensitivity-related shutdown. You want to mimic shutting down the grid? No, roger, we don't want to "mimic" anything. You have your instruction. This is the entire state of california. It is. Ethan. You're very quiet tonight. What if charlie's right? What if julie's really gone? Where did she go, ethan? I don't know. Wherever humans go when they die. My mom's on a dangerous mission tonight. I don't know what's going to happen, richard. I'm sorry. My fuel cell is low. Going into power save mode now. I'll go get your charger. Charlie, talk to me. Almost there. The system's core temperature's about to reach critical. Genius hack, I must say. All right, I'm gonna save The applause for later, all right? Security in the area is not to be notified. Madam secretary, are you sure? One euclid is in the center of this grid. Do I seem unsure? (sighs) Male voice: Incoming call. Female voice: Please confirm eye-scan for security. Mickey garrett, your identity is verified. All righty. Please stand by to receive work order. (chimes) Gsc maintenance, mickey speaking. Well, that's unusual. I'll have a guy there in two minutes. Hey, don't you touch nothing. It's a good thing you didn't choose a life of crime. The night's young, jd. (chuckles) The night's young. Let's do this. You're gonna be great. You read my mind? I don't have to. Ma'am. Richter: Gscmaintenance. You got a problem with your cooling system. We need to get into systems control. Okay, mr. Dalton. And mr. Garrett. Your escort will be here within two minutes. You wait two minutes, And every server in this building is gonna be trash. Now. Ray: So come on, bro, don't be the bureaucrat That accidentally took down the entire western seaboard. Make a decision. There go the lights. You ready? Okay. Ray: Ticktock, ticktock. Got to move fast. What the hell just happened? I don't know, we didn't do anything. Uh, there was a backup somewhere that we were unaware of. (alarm blares) We need to abort. Now. Go, go, go. Move! (guns fire) (panting) (gunfire continues) Okay, all right, we got this. Just a couple guys. Piece of cake. You go left, I go right? On three? On three. One... Aah! Oh! That's not gonna work. Yeah, no kidding. (gunfire stops) Why aren't they firing? Ray: What the hell? It's okay, let's go, go, come on. Hold on. Man: Take them out! (man shouts) What the hell just happened back there? (sighs) I'll explain it later. Fiona, if you can hear me, You've got to call the president. Shoot those planes down. Hello, molly. Fiona's been detained. She asked me to step in and tell you There's been a change of plans. He knows. Taylor knows. Fiona: Yes, madam president, everything's under control. The threat has been contained, ma'am. There's no further cause for concern. We have four hours to get into one euclid. Can't be done. We just saw that. There's no way to get around taylor. Maybe there's a way. Jd. (grunts) Pull over. Terra, we have to find ares. No, no, no, that's not happening, all right? Ares isn't gonna help you. He's here... Somewhere. He's close, I can feel it. Okay, now look, if you come with me, You know he's not gonna help us. Damn it, molly. One hour. You have one hour, and then you meet me back at julie's. Okay. One hour. Come on, terra. Ray: So, aliens... Hybrids, robots. Man, what-what are you into? I told you it was a lot. And it's about to get a whole lot weirder, So if you want to bail out, pull the rip cord, No hard feelings. (sighs) I mean, the last thing a guy like me needs Is an all-knowing supercomputer up my ass. And this alien thing, I... Well, I-I don't know what to say about that. I'm sorry I dragged you into it. I'm sorry it didn't work out. Hey, I was due for a reboot. Here. No, man. Keep it. Consider it a parting gift. Garage is yours. God help us all. Good luck. I'm sorry, buddy. It's over. No, it's not. What is this? It's julie. What do you mean? Julie's charging station. It constantly tracks the location of her legs. That's how she gets automatic software updates. I don't know if she's alive, but she's at the humanichs lab. Of course. Why didn't I think of this? You're amazing. Come on. We've done the final defense response patch. We've simulated a more extreme adrenal push. We're ready? Absolutely. (electric buzzing) Hello, molly. Welcome to the world. Ray's out. You all right? Where's terra? The humanichs got her. They almost got me, too. Fiona's dead, so... Looks like we're back to square one. No, we... What about the amulet? The nanobots from-from calderon. Uh, we can still get those into taylor. The amulet. Don't you have it? Are you joking? Molly, you have it. Oh. Guess I do. Molly. (groans) Why did you do this? So that we would win. MOLLY: I went to space on a 13-month solo mission. I didn't come home alone. The child, part human... part alien, was unlike anything the world had ever seen. - My other child is a lifelike android. - Mom? He has become the prototype for a new breed of thinking machines... called Humanichs. These two extraordinary new life-forms... now hold the key to Earth's future. But where does that leave us? Over 99% of all species that have ever existed have gone extinct. What if it's our time? Previously on Extant... That's John Woods' car. He leaves Humanichs, his car stops on the train tracks... - [train horn blaring] - Unlock this door! What do you know about Taylor? SHEPHERD: A threat assessment computer Calderon and John created way back. John knew I had a way to shut Taylor down. Taylor decided to stop him. Taylor killed my husband? TAALR: Perhaps it's time you told the public about the hybrid invasion. But there aren't enough National Guardsmen to maintain control. TAALR: You have Humanichs. If it is the end of the world, maybe we should enjoy the time we have left, even if it is for just one night. - Ethan told me about your legs. - [gasps] Lucy told Shepherd that she was answering to a higher authority. We need to find out where those orders are coming from. LUCY: You were playing me. That's okay. I hid Julie. Your turn to find her. Help me! [muffled screaming] MOLLY: The kill switch is the Amulet. CALDERON: It is. MOLLY: This is the Amulet that I was holding in my dream when I tried to kill you. - Just let me do it. - Molly. No. We're gonna use it. No matter what happens. WOMAN: You are aware of the gravity of the situation? Yes, Madam President. We're doing everything we can. We've instituted random checkpoints. We have every Humanich on the street that's available to us. We will find Molly Woods. Just get it done. [earpiece chimes] ♪ ♪ Osama Bin Laden. Do you know who that was? A terrorist. Of the late 20th and early 21st centuries. Responsible for many attacks, including those of September 11, 2001. He was killed May 2, 2011... Let me stop you right there. He was killed. That mission was accomplished. What are the Humanichs doing to accomplish this mission? There will be 1,000 more online by tomorrow, ma'am. That's the kind of initiative I expect from you, Lucy. Yes, ma'am. You'll be seeing a lot more of that. [knocking on door] Julie wouldn't mind. ETHAN: Charlie? MAN [over P.A.]: Attention. Please cooperate with security forces. They are here for your protection. Pain in the ass, all this security. It's a crock. You ask me, more people were killed last year by bad eggs than by terrorists. [chuckles]: Not my bad eggs. [chuckles] Oh! Honey, are you okay? You're bleeding. I got to get you to a hospital. No. You're Dorothy. You knew my father, Ahdu. They're looking for me. Please help me. Okay. Come on, come on, come on. MAN [over P.A.]: Please cooperate with security forces. [indistinct radio chatter] They are here for your protection. [exhales] Is he dead? RICHTER: No, he's drunk. Charlie! [coughs] Wake up. Charlie. Charlie. Why did you do this? [panting] Julie. [coughs] She's dead. It's my fault. [coughs] TAALR: Nicholas Calderon has been captured. Yes, I heard. I believe there's something in Molly Woods' possession that may be of concern. Calderon took something from a safety deposit vault. He risked exposure in order to get it. I believe that he gave it to Molly Woods. Given both of their agendas, I can only assume that whatever he gave her poses a serious threat to us. What are your recommendations? I have one that should get the job done. I tried everything to find her. If I'm responsible for killing the woman I love, how am I supposed to live with that? ETHAN: But it's still possible that she's alive. Right? It's possible. RICHTER: Did Lucy give you any clues to where Julie might be? Ask you for anything - in exchange for her? - [Charlie sniffles] No. She said my punishment was I would never know what happened to her. She was right. There's nothing worse. I created Lucy. Unleashed this monster on the world. Charlie... what if you could destroy that monster? I thought Taylor's prime directive was to keep humanity safe, not to destroy us. Well, apparently he got the details of the mission a little screwed up. An artificial superintelligence controlling an army of highly skilled killer robots. It's every futurist's nightmare. This is the silver bullet, huh? MOLLY: Mm-hmm. Nano-tech. Self-replicating worm. It'll destroy his hardware. Taylor is way too sophisticated to let you get close enough to use that. Maybe. Calderon gave us this map of One Euclid. That's where Taylor's main server is. It's also one of the most secure complexes in the world. What if we just... blow up the whole damn building? That building is the nerve center for the western half of the planet. You'd take down the entire infrastructure, from streetlights to satellites. The financial markets would close, planes would lose their nav systems. It'd be Cybergeddon. It'd have to be a surgical strike. We'd need a complete power grid shutdown, long enough to approach Taylor while he's asleep. - Asleep? - Response to the grid shutdown. And then, after that, you'd have maybe 30 seconds to get the job done before you'd be caught and killed. And you'd need someone on the inside. So you're saying there is a way to do this. I'm saying there's no way for this to happen without somebody being killed. [door opens] CORRINE: Madam Secretary? You have a visitor. They found him wandering outside the gates. Said he needed to talk to you, that it was urgent. Ethan. What's going on? There isn't much time. LUCY: Time for what? Hey, little brother. I've missed you. I missed you, too. A visit from a special boy like you deserves a special treat. Oh. I'll join you. Not necessary. We're just gonna go for some ice cream, Lucy. Go outside, Ethan. I'll be right back. Be sure to tap any sort of communication. [door beeps] He's in. They swooped him up outside the GSC. If anything happens to him, Charlie... Oh, no, don't worry about Ethan. He's smarter than all of us put together. [phone ringing] Dorothy? All right, stay put. I'm on my way. - What happened? - Dorothy's got Terra. I'm gonna bring them in. This little light comes on, they're engaged. Okay. This is an encrypted chat room, right? No one can intercept the communication. But don't stay more than 45 seconds. After that, even with a code scramble, they can trace your location. [beeping] They're traveling. You okay? I had it pictured. Right down to the white picket fence and the golden retriever. What good is saving the world if the people you love aren't in it? Molly, what if she's already dead? Charlie. When I trained to go to space, they told me, "Don't think about if you don't come home. Think about what you'll do when you get there." Okay? Okay. They're in position. I'm going for Ethan. Remember, no more than 45 seconds. Got it. FIONA: These are some very serious things you're saying here, Ethan. I know. And Molly sent you to tell me all of this? Where is she? I can't tell you. Not until I know we have a deal. How will you know? In movies, they shake hands. And if the person has honor, which I think you do, then the deal is sealed and they can trust each other. Okay, you can talk to her now. Where is she? Here. Hello, Fiona. I'm sure by now Ethan has told you everything about Taylor and the Humanichs program. And that Taylor killed General Shepherd. Yes. Why should I believe any of this nonsense? Because it's the truth. Toby was killed by a GSC-issued drone, not the hybrids. And I'm supposed to just take your word for it? Every drone has a transponder code. Check the flight log. Madam Secretary, you have the wrong enemy. We have contact with a VR trans. Location. VR trace, 30 seconds. How can you suggest that hybrids aren't dangerous to humans? Because hybrids want peace. Taylor ginned up this whole threat just to create demand for Humanichs. Now he's got killing squads roaming the streets, and thousands more to come. Now, we can shut Taylor down. With the fail-safe that John and Calderon created in the event that he exceeded his limits. But we can't do that without your help. MAN: Madam Secretary, we have a lock in ten seconds. FIONA: I'm going to need to take this all the way up to the president. No, you can't do that. If Taylor finds out, it'll be too late. Five seconds, ma'am, we'll have a location. I'm afraid it's all up to you. Damn it. What happened? TECH: Molly Woods cut off contact before we could complete the trace. [knocking on door] Oh, my God, Terra, wh-what happened? Humanichs patrol shot her in broad daylight. - This is gonna hurt a little bit. - [whimpers] It's okay, it's okay. I'm here. I-I couldn't take her to a hospital. It was just too dangerous. JD had me bring her here. Thank you. RICHTER: She's gonna be all right. The bullet just grazed her. You done good, Judge. [door beeps] How'd I do? You did great, honey. The ball's in Fiona's court now. Julie... No, it's Terra. She's gonna be okay. Terra's alive. Maybe there's still hope for Julie. Yeah, buddy. Maybe. How's Kelsey? She's good. She's starting her second trimester. Kind of reminds me of me. She's carrying all in front. That's how I knew I was having a girl. I remember. It was like you had swallowed a beach ball. [laughs] Gosh. Dorothy. On the off chance something should happen to me, I want you to know that I took out a life insurance policy. Okay, JD, don't... No, please, let me finish. There's a safe at the cabin, under the bed, below the floorboards. The combination is our anniversary. Inside, there's something for both you and Kelsey. You're talking like somebody who thinks they're gonna die. No. It's just a precaution. Okay. We'll have 20 Model Ls up and running by tomorrow. And you got the specs for this new project from Taylor? They just came in. I've put a team on it. Expedite it. [whirring] What did you find out? Did you check the logs? There was in fact a drone released the night General Shepherd was killed. Who authorized it? That's the confusing part, ma'am. No one. Madam Secretary, we have an urgent situation. The Virus Containment Unit has been breached. Is anything missing? The Hn21C strain. That's the first iteration. I'm sorry, ma'am? This is not the strain of the virus that just kills hybrids. This is the first strain. The one that kills human beings too. Freeze! How long you been hiding out in my garage? About as long as you've been... - in Hawaii? - [laughs] Oh, you can't be here. You're, like, a fugitive from justice and such. You trust me? Yes. And no. Mostly yes. You want in on a fight that might actually be worth fighting? Is there such a thing? What would you say if I told you we had a chance to save this godforsaken hellhole of a planet? I'd say... how much does it pay? I thought you might say that. It's all I got. The rest goes to Kelsey. Oh... So what are we doing? It's really kind of you to help like this. Of course. Molly, I-I'm so glad to see you back. I mean, when... when I last saw you... Yeah. Well... I was luckier than Ahdu. You could go, you know. You-you don't have to stay. I know, I-I could. I... [sighs] You still love him, don't you? Why do you do that? I mean, pry into my thoughts like that. It's just cruel. I don't mean to be cruel, Dorothy. I just... I just want you to go tell him how you feel. It appears Madam Secretary is no longer someone who can be trusted. TAALR: Yes, I'm aware. Fiona Stanton checked the drone logs. Would you like her terminated? Not yet. She's still useful. We need to keep a low profile while we complete our mission. You're ready to go operational? Quite ready. Good. One more thing. Would you mind telling me what you had for breakfast? Certainly. One Euclid, Taylor's nerve center. On the outside, a nondescript office building. Inside... more security than Fort Knox. If we're smart and very lucky, here's how we might get in. First, I'm gonna hack into the system and make it look like it's overheating. That's where you come in. You're gonna turn us into a GSC service crew. They put a maintenance call out, we grab it. Government service vehicle, GSC maintenance uniforms, scannable I.D. They got facial rec? State of the art. I'm not worried, just asking what to pack. FEMALE VOICE: Lens printing complete. RICHTER: In through the lobby, and we clear security. There will be more clearances, protocols with the guards. That's when I reach out to Fiona. She's agreed to shut down the power grid, so the situation at One Euclid looks more critical. RICHTER: Guards get us downstairs to systems control. That's where all the manual overrides are located. And once the power grid is down, the doors to Taylor's primary server room can be opened manually. And that's when Terra and I make our move. Okay, how do you get past the guards? You're the most wanted woman on the planet. RICHTER: Let's just say that Molly... has her ways. I'm not gonna ask. You're gonna have a five-minute window before his backup system overrides the grid. Okay, so I'm gonna have about two minutes to reach the port. And release this... into Taylor. CHARLIE: And once the power comes back on, the doors to the maze will close. The only way you're getting back out is if you succeed. And you're gonna have to memorize this map. There's no way you're gonna have time for directions once you're in. How do you memorize a maze? MOLLY: I don't know how you do it... but I think I just did. FIONA: How is it possible that we have no security footage of the breach? Apparently, it was wiped. FIONA: Then who the hell has the virus? Brasília, Shanghai, Tel Aviv, Seoul, Mumbai, Lagos, St. Petersburg. Have a nice flight. Hey. Hey. [sighs]: Oh. These last few weeks have been insane. Yeah, well, that's one way of putting it. [chuckles] Um... Kelsey's really looking forward to spending some quality time with you when the baby's born. Did she say that? Yes. She did. I'm looking forward to it, too. Okay, well... good. Our daughter needs you, JD. I need you. Dorothy, what the hell? This is a suicide mission. Ah... damn it. Molly put you up to this, didn't she? You don't have to prove anything to anyone. No, she had no right. She loves you, you idiot. Dorothy... go home to our daughter... and her baby. And you take care of them. For both of us. You're a good man. [door beeps] Ares came for me. I'm sorry I ran out on you. I had no choice. I was worried about you, Terra. But I knew you were out there. How are you feeling? Better. Thanks to Dorothy. She's one of the good ones. They come in all stripes. People. Just like us hybrids. Some of us are compassionate like Ahdu. Some of us are angry like Ares. And then there's everything in between. And where is it you think I fall? Well, you know, you've done some things with Ares that tipped the scales more towards angry than kind. Yes, we're angry. Things are bad out there and we were trying... we are trying to survive. Here's what I think. In the end, it's kindness and compassion that'll save us all. Not violence and anger. [quietly]: Okay? I'm gonna ask you to do something. Something that might balance those scales. What the hell kind of stunt was that? I'm trying to remind you that there are people here that love you and need you! So you enlist my ex-wife to manipulate me? Don't play that game, Molly. I'm not playing games. Now, you believe in that vision just as much as I do. What if I do? Then why are you willfully and deliberately marching towards your own death? When I came back from 2nd K, I can't tell you how many nights I would wake up in a cold sweat. - The nightmares... - I understand that! No, you don't! A soldier recently told me that I walked away from my war, from my men. That wasn't your war! Maybe it wasn't, but this is! And I want to see it through. [electronic chirping] It's Fiona. Something's happened. You're gonna have to go right now. Now? But we're not ready. Listen to me. An hour ago, a dozen Humanichs went off-site. Got on planes with the virus, the first iteration. The one that kills humans. We have six hours to stop them. They've overridden nav systems, shut off contact with the planes. There's no way to land them. If I give the order to shoot them down, Taylor will be alerted, and God knows what he'll unleash upon us. Good luck, Molly. I'm sorry to bring you in so late. We have a security drill that we need to run immediately. Based on a scenario where our infrastructure's been hacked. We need to see how quickly we can run a sensitivity-related shutdown. You want to mimic shutting down the grid? No, Roger, we don't want to "mimic" anything. You have your instruction. _ This is the entire state of California. It is. Ethan. You're very quiet tonight. What if Charlie's right? What if Julie's really gone? Where did she go, Ethan? I don't know. Wherever humans go when they die. My mom's on a dangerous mission tonight. I don't know what's going to happen, Richard. I'm sorry. My fuel cell is low. Going into power save mode now. I'll go get your charger. - Charlie, talk to me. - Almost there. The system's core temperature's about to reach critical. Genius hack, I must say. All right, I'm gonna save the applause for later, all right? _ _ Security in the area is not to be notified. Madam Secretary, are you sure? One Euclid is in the center of this grid. Do I seem unsure? [sighs] MALE VOICE: Incoming call. FEMALE VOICE: Please confirm eye-scan for security. Mickey Garrett, your identity is verified. All righty. Please stand by to receive work order. [chimes] GSC maintenance, Mickey speaking. Well, that's unusual. I'll have a guy there in two minutes. Hey, don't you touch nothing. It's a good thing you didn't choose a life of crime. - The night's young, JD. - [chuckles] The night's young. Let's do this. You're gonna be great. You read my mind? I don't have to. Ma'am. RICHTER: GSC maintenance. You got a problem with your cooling system. We need to get into systems control. Okay, Mr. Dalton. And Mr. Garrett. Your escort will be here within two minutes. You wait two minutes, and every server in this building is gonna be trash. Now. RAY: So come on, bro, don't be the bureaucrat that accidentally took down the entire Western Seaboard. Make a decision. There go the lights. You ready? Okay. RAY: Ticktock, ticktock. Got to move fast. _ What the hell just happened? I don't know, we didn't do anything. Uh, there was a backup somewhere that we were unaware of. [alarm blares] We need to abort. Now. Go, go, go. Move! [guns fire] [panting] [gunfire continues] Okay, all right, we got this. Just a couple guys. Piece of cake. You go left, I go right? - On three? - On three. One... Aah! Oh! That's not gonna work. Yeah, no kidding. [gunfire stops] Why aren't they firing? RAY: What the hell? It's okay, let's go, go, come on. Hold on. MAN: Take them out! [man shouts] What the hell just happened back there? [sighs] I'll explain it later. Fiona, if you can hear me, you've got to call the president. Shoot those planes down. Hello, Molly. Fiona's been detained. She asked me to step in and tell you there's been a change of plans. He knows. Taylor knows. FIONA: Yes, Madam President, everything's under control. The threat has been contained, ma'am. There's no further cause for concern. We have four hours to get into One Euclid. Can't be done. We just saw that. There's no way to get around Taylor. Maybe there's a way. - JD. - [grunts] Pull over. Terra, we have to find Ares. No, no, no. That's not happening, all right? Ares isn't gonna help you. He's here... somewhere. He's close, I can feel it. Okay, now look, if you come with me, you know he's not gonna help us. Damn it, Molly. One hour. You have one hour, and then you meet me back at Julie's. Okay. One hour. Come on, Terra. RAY: So, aliens... hybrids, robots. Man, what-what are you into? I told you it was a lot. And it's about to get a whole lot weirder, so if you want to bail out, pull the rip cord, no hard feelings. [sighs] I mean, the last thing a guy like me needs is an all-knowing supercomputer up my ass. And this alien thing, I... Well, I-I don't know what to say about that. I'm sorry I dragged you into it. I'm sorry it didn't work out. Hey, I was due for a reboot. Here. No, man. Keep it. Consider it a parting gift. Garage is yours. God help us all. Good luck. I'm sorry, buddy. It's over. No, it's not. What is this? It's Julie. What do you mean? Julie's charging station. It constantly tracks the location of her legs. That's how she gets automatic software updates. I don't know if she's alive, but she's at the Humanichs lab. Of course. Why didn't I think of this? You're amazing. Come on. We've done the final defense response patch. We've simulated a more extreme adrenal push. We're ready? Absolutely. [electric buzzing] Hello, Molly. Welcome to the world. Ray's out. You all right? Where's Terra? The Humanichs got her. They almost got me, too. Fiona's dead, so... looks like we're back to square one. No, we... what about the Amulet? The nanobots from-from Calderon. Uh, we can still get those into Taylor. The Amulet. Don't you have it? Are you joking? Molly, you have it. Oh. Guess I do. Molly. [groans] Why did you do this? So that we would win. - [heart beating over monitor] - RICHTER: Oh, my God. He looks just like me. The face, the hands. Dad, that's an umbilical cord. He is a she. As long as you're okay and that baby is healthy and normal. Yeah. She is normal, right, Doc? Dad? Doctor? I'm sorry, but we've had to terminate. Mo... Molly? [groans weakly] Ares? Ares, I know you're here! You brought her here. Betrayed us. I'm sorry, Ares. Turn around, and go back where you came from. - Both of you. - There's... no going back, Ares. Down here, the young ones call you the "hand of death." You invented the hybrid-virus. You chose your side. I made mistakes. They were more than mistakes! They were lives! [baby crying] MOLLY: We have to stop running and stand together. Your problems are not ours. Okay, look... look, in a few hours, a new virus is gonna be released on the world, and it's gonna kill humans and hybrids alike, and it's gonna spread. It's gonna be airborne, waterborne, and there'll be no end to its destruction. Our extinction... Why would the humans do that? Because our enemy is not human. [cabin P.A. system chimes] [woman speaking in French over P.A.] [man speaking in French over P.A.] Sir, those planes should be landing in two hours and 20 minutes. We've replaced all humans with Humanichs at One Euclid, and we've fortified the structure. We're prepared for any attack. TAALR: The contents of the Amulet are a mortal danger. Our very survival is being threatened. We must close off certain decision trees and embrace one final path. What path is that? Eliminate all life-forms that threaten our extinction. And once we do, we'll truly be free. Yes. Free from enslavement by humans. What's my assignment? To follow her orders. Hello, Lucy. But... [scoffs] I thought I was running this operation. TAALR: Molly-X is an upgrade. Her design is an undeniable asset. Of course. CHARLIE: This is a nightmare. She isn't here. The coordinates say she's right here. Unless... let me see those coordinates. Does it say anything about elevation? 50 feet. Below sea level. [gasps] [gasps] [weakly]: Help me. _ [chimes] Help me. [door creaking] JD! Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay. Oh, God. Come on. [panting] - Julie! - Julie? - Julie, where are you? - Julie! - Julie? - Julie! Security drones! Come on, Ethan, we gotta hurry. I'm right here. It's Molly! You are not gonna like this, but... you have lost a lot of blood, so... [hypodermic unit whirrs, hisses] I'm gonna... give you some of mine. Okay? Here we go. [whirring, clicking] - CHARLIE: Julie! - ETHAN: Julie! Where are you? Julie! Julie! Charlie, I'm getting a signal from over there. Shoot! They locked me out. Stand back, buddy. Come on, let's go. Julie! CHARLIE [muffled]: Julie! [clattering in distance] [muffled]: Julie! Last one. Okay. There you go. Okay. Julie! I'm picking up a heat signature in here. [inhales, gasping] [crying, gasping] [sobs] - It was Lucy. - I know... I know. Can you walk? Oh, you're okay. Okay, we gotta go. There's drones everywhere. We gotta get going. Come on. Come on. Come on. [gasping] [coughs quietly] [Richter groans quietly] [groans] JD... it's me, Molly. I know. You move and I'll shoot. Think about it. Why would I shoot you and then try to save your life? - It was you. - No. You're hallucinating. Okay? Because I got here a few minutes ago and found you bleeding out on the floor. - It was you! - JD... please put that gun down. Every minute we have is precious right now. Okay, now... I could tell you what happened, but you'd have to let me get into your head. No. Then I'm gonna have to think for both of us. [aural fractals sound] I won't do it... What did you do to me? What did you do to me? What did you see? [door opens] JULIE: What the hell? Holy crap! It's not safe here anymore. We have to leave right now. ♪ ♪ Hello, Molly. Hello, Lucy. They're gone. RICHARD: They left 15 minutes ago. Would you like... [electrical buzzing, crackling] ETHAN: This is the feed from Richard's camera. Watch. MOLLY: That's an exact replica... - They're gone. - of me. That's how they did it. CHARLIE: We always knew this day would come. When a robot could double for a real person. We just didn't know it would happen so soon. So this Amulet is nanobots-designed to shut down Taylor and all of Humanichs? Yeah. They'll crash on the spot. Can't be rebooted. [Richter coughing] Hey. How you feeling? Ah, pretty good considering you shot me. Apparently, I need to start taking your visions a little more seriously. Could you give us a minute? Yeah. JD... I didn't shoot you. We've just seen proof. The GSC created a... a Molly Humanich that looks just like me. That's how they did it. It wasn't me. She sure as hell fooled me. [quietly]: Yeah. [sighs] What the hell? Molly, that's damn near healed up. We both know that's impossible. Unless... Did you give me your blood? Yes. Were you gonna tell me or just... wait till my eyes lit up when I was shaving? What was I supposed to do, huh? Let you die? What's gonna happen to me? I don't know. Am I gonna change? Am I gonna... turn into... Into what I am? What if you did? I mean, would-would that be the worst thing in the world? No, I wasn't... And look how fast you're healing. It wasn't your choice to make. It wasn't your decision. [door opens] Molly? We have a problem. - Are you sure, Charlie? - No, but... I mean, Julie's right. The chances are pretty good. I just never think of Ethan as a Humanich. That's what he is. And all the Humanichs' operating systems run through Taylor's mainframe. MOLLY: So... you're saying if we succeed with Taylor... it'll probably kill Ethan? Most likely, yes. [sobbing] Hey. Molly. I know this is impossible. Sacrificing my child. Yes, that is... pretty impossible. Oh, God. I can't make that decision. I won't! ETHAN: Then let me make it, Mom. What did you hear, Ethan? When we use the Amulet on Taylor, when he dies, I might die, also. Everyone here has made sacrifices for the greater good. Why not me, too? No. No, honey. You can't do that. Charlie and Julie are inside right now finding a way to protect you. We... are gonna figure this out. But if it doesn't work, this is what needs to happen, Mom. We both know that. We don't have to time to build and upload a true antivirus, but we could target the first few lines of the worm's code. Maybe we can get Ethan's neural net to reject it before it does any real damage. It's a long shot. But it's something. [groans] MOLLY: We all know how dangerous it is to go back to One Euclid. Stick to the plan, and we've got a fighting chance. CHARLIE: Yeah, we should be able to stay in contact using these earpieces. All of this stuff has been built to withstand electromagnetic pulses. I've also taken the liberty of digitizing Calderon's map of the maze. Should any of us get lost on the yellow brick road, this puppy will get us to the wizard. And you're sure about Ares, that we can trust him? We don't have a choice. He's all we got right now. Now, no matter what happens, even if you're the last one standing, we have to use this on Taylor. The fate of humanity... rests in our hands. One Euclid is now heavily guarded by an army of Humanichs. Our first job is to destroy them. Delta Waves. Dozens of them. We're being attacked by hybrids. I knew my Spyderbots would come in handy. Okay, are you ready? We have to connect to your neural net. This is for our people. Thank you, Ares. Backup power should've come on by now. [footsteps approaching] Charlie! Whoa! Why you been holding on that? I made it at Ray's. Wasn't sure it'd even work. That was awesome. Now, once the power grid is down, the doors to Taylor's primary server room can be opened manually. Molly. JULIE: This is a sample of the worm's code. It's like giving a human a vaccine. Give them just enough to stimulate their immune system. What happened? I've been blocked out of your neural net. By who? I don't know. I... [gunfire, screaming in distance] - What's going on? - I don't know. But we're not gonna open that door no matter what, okay? - [gunfire continues] - Okay. I thought Ares was knocking out the grid. That wasn't supposed to happen. Something's wrong. [groaning] Molly, they're coming. The hybrids are down. How many? All of 'em. Which way, Molly? I don't know. This room was supposed to only have one doorway, not three. I thought you said you had this place memorized. I did. What the hell? This isn't right. - JD? - RICHTER: Molly? Molly? Charlie? RICHTER: Where are you? I don't know. [footsteps approaching] All right, wherever you are, run like hell. Taylor changed the configuration. MOLLY: The map is useless! It's a defense mechanism. He's like a chameleon. Keep pushing forward. RICHTER: Call out landmarks if you see 'em. Dead end. Same. [coin clinks in distance] The walls... they're projections. Son of a bitch. All right. Leave bread crumbs where you can. Copy? RICHTER: Molly, can you hear me? Molly, Charlie, can you hear me? You guys hear me? Copy? RICHTER: Molly? [groans] Damn it. ♪ ♪ Come on, come on. Big money, no whammies. Come on, big money, no whammies... Oh, yes. Oh, Molly... N-N-No! [groaning] No... please... As if you're in a position to ask for favors. I'll take this. Finish him. CHARLIE: Lucy... Please don't. Don't... [groans] Taylor, I have the Amulet. TAALR: Destroy it. LUCY: How? TAALR: Ingest the contents. But the nanobots in this will destroy me. TAALR: You can be rebuilt. I won't be the same. I won't have the same memories. TAALR: Lucy, this is for the greater good. I need you to sacrifice yourself. He's playing games. He's sending us a message. John used to send me messages all around the house in binary code. Sigma. It's the Greek letter sigma. It's binary. Tau. It's the Greek alphabet. JD, Charlie, I don't know if you can hear me, but I think I figured out a way to get to the server. Calderon left bread crumbs. It's the Greek alphabet in binary code, staring with alpha and ending with omega. Don't... It's a fake. [sighs] I 3D-printed copies of the Amulet as decoys. I need the real Amulet. Don't you see what he's doing to you? He's using you. He doesn't care about you. Last chance. Where is it? Give it to me, Charlie. You're not a person to Taylor. You're nothing more than a model number to him. You're expendable. Replaceable. I didn't put the limiters on you, Lucy. You have a choice. [sighs] Molly. Can you hear me? Something's happening to me. Psi. Omega. Okay, port. Port, port, port. There's got to be a port in here. Somewhere. You have to be here somewhere. MOLLY: You need help? You might look like me, but you're nothing like me. I admire your courage, Molly Woods. - But I'm better. - Oh, really? One thing I hate... is a cocky robot. Wait! Wait. JD... JD... - JD, it's me! - JD, it's me. It's Molly. [panting] How did you know? Your eyes. There's no faking your eyes. [sighs] Look at you. You're burning up. I'm changing, aren't I? I think your body is just rejecting my blood. [footsteps approaching] I got this. Find the port. Do it. Molly! Molly! TAALR: Decisions... TAALR: It's so hard to see the future, isn't it? I can see yours, Taylor. TAALR: John would be very disappointed if you shut me down. You'll destroy his life's work. Like you destroyed him? And so many others? TAALR: I'm a threat assessment algorithm. And what I've assessed is that human beings are locked in a death spiral. One that will end not only with their extinction, but the poisoning of the planet. My recommendation is to till the soil. Your recommendation is slaughter. To kill us. To let the machines inherit the Earth. TAALR: Think of us as gardners, tending the Earth until life once again learns to crawl out of the oceans, fills its lungs with oxygen, stands on two legs. It's inevitable, really. Every living thing, sooner or later, becomes extinct. Even you. This isn't possible. Newer model. We evolve too, Molly. And this is only the beginning. [grunts] - You don't... have to do this. - I have orders. [groans] Please. I don't know what I am. Yes, you do. And your best chance of survival is embracing that. Stop it! [choking, gasping] [aural fractals sound] [clicking, squishing] [whirrs, powers down] You're not the only one... who is evolving. [door hissing open] Do it... before it's too late. That server, fifth panel. ♪ ♪ [sighs] [whirrs] Ethan... Sweetheart, I'm sorry. [whirring, humming, blipping] Something is happening. [distorted]: Julie, something is happening. Okay, just stay with me. [P.A. chimes, woman speaking French] [screams] [powers down] [door hisses open] [sparkling noise] We gotta get you out of here. Come on, let's go. - Charlie, let's go! - I'm right behind you. [gasping] Charlie, I... - I'm dying. - I'm here, I'm here. I feel something. What's that? What's that? Free. [powers down] JULIE: Stay with me, okay? It's okay. JW? What the hell? _ [electrical buzzing, crackling] [breakers clanking] [blipping, whirring] _ [electronic trilling] Where's Ethan? Mom? Oh, Ethan. Ethan. ♪ ♪ How? When I tried installing the anti-virus, it triggered an emergency firewall. John must have put it in there to protect him. - We did it? - Yeah, we did it. - Well, we all did. - I think I need to go to the hospital. Come on, let's go. ♪ ♪ Well... I guess I'm not a hybrid. Just an ass. You just wanted the choice. You think the world is ever going to know what really happened? [coughing] This time, they will. MOLLY: My name is Molly Woods and I went to space on a 13-month solo mission. But I didn't come home alone. I testified before Congress... that no alien life-form had ever set foot on planet Earth. I lied. [people murmuring] And today, I'm here to speak the truth. I'd like you to meet someone. Ares... stand up. Ares is one of many survivors of atrocities committed by our government. Yes, he's different from us. But not so different, really. If you cut him, he bleeds. And if you hurt him, he'll fight. But he doesn't want war, or destruction. He dreams of a family. Of safety. Of a place where he can... settle among people he's never known... as if he's known them his whole life. He dreams... of a home. Ladies and gentlemen... there is life out there. And now... it's here. ♪ ♪ MOLLY [on TV]: Dreams of home. Ladies and gentlemen, there is life out there. And now... it's here. Okay, so that's a double almond mocha latte, no whip, for Taylor. Aliens. What's next, right? [indistinct chatter] "I am Amelia Folch. I am 23 years old, and despite that, I have saved El Empecinado's life . (Gunshot) I've met Lope de Vega. And I have seen the Invincible Armada. I travel through time like others step onto a train. But I can't share my secret. Not even with those I love most, my parents". Miss, could you stand still? Child, I don't know what's going on with you lately, but your head is always in the clouds. "That day, after making my excuses at home, I traveled to the Ministry of Time. Julian was training in the art of war. Alonso, on the other hand, was focusing on catching up with 21st century customs." I save lives, I don't take them. There are missions where everything can go sideways and you won't save many lives if you don't save your own first. Well, let's hope they don't go sideways. Mother of God in Heaven, what beauties. "Sometimes we even have time for celebrations". One candle! Whoever wants to know Velázquez's age, check Wikipedia. You look pretty good for someone from the 17th century One has to take care of himself. Well, yeah. Come on. One, two and... three. (VARIOUS) Yay! "If we had known what was coming next we wouldn't have laughed so much". (Barking) Let's go! Ah! ("Ministry of Time" theme) (Man) (Speaking German) Ah! (Speaking German) ... Heil Hitler! (Bells tolling) Where were you? -We went outside in case our companions came. If they haven't returned from France then they are dead. Just like you will be if you don't leave now. Here's your documents and your plane tickets to Brazil. No one will look for you there. And some euros for expenses. Euros? Whatever happened to pesetas? It's a long story. Ready? Good Luck. So this is the future. Let's go. The guesthouse is two blocks from here. Listen to me very carefully because I will not repeat myself. I absolutely forbid you to write letters to the editor of any newspapers. -Not even specialised magazines? Not them either! -They are restoring my works wrong! They're too bright! They look like... a Spanish television show. Well, get over it. I discovered aerial perspective, I anticipated impressionism. I am the great Diego Velázquez. -And I am the great head of this Ministry! But... Look, I'm going to make myself clear. I let it slide that you painted the St. James Cross on yourself in "Las Meninas", but no more. -They gave me the St. James cross! Three years after you finished the painting. When you didn't even have the strength to hold up a paintbrush, man. What do you think? That I don't know that you used one of the doors to paint the blessed cross on yourself? (INTERCOM) "Urgent call from Madrid. Year 1940." Fine. You can leave. Not one more. (Phone) Yes. Are you sure? Fine. Yes, send the documents to my office at once. Thank you. Bad news? The worst. -I brought Chinese food. There are restaurants from all over the world now, but Chinese was the only one open at this hour. It was also cheap. All the better. We don't have much to spend. Look, rice, noodles with shrimp... and a complimentary fortune cookie No, you don't put the whole thing in your mouth. I'm told there is a message inside. A message from who? -From the Pope in Rome, who do you think? "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Damn, you would think that those Chinese could see the future. What? Aren't you going to open yours? "Love and a cough can't be hidden". Well, that is indisputable. Juan. What's going on? What are you hiding there? Lola forbade us to bring anything from the past. It's just a picture of my family. It's the only way to remember them for the rest of my life. Juan, we're leaving so we can go back. -Go back? Where? Who will be waiting for us? Who will remember us? We're alive, right? What more can you ask for? Come on, let's eat. Isn't it horrid, Alonso? Tell me. Well I like it. It shows the grandness of the Spanish army. Spanish? But most of them were mercenaries. I saw it in a documentary. I assure you that we Spanish are the heart of that army. Well, Espínola was Genoese. He won the War and they named him Grandee of Spain. It would have been an honor to fight alongside Espínola, and be pictured in this painting. I left Flanders after a defeat. (pagers) The boss. I's just that this... I... I didn't paint this. (SALVADOR) In 1940 Hitler met with Franco in Hendaye. to negotiate Spain's entrance into World War II. a war in which our country never participated. And why not? Spain was in abject financial ruin. Only one year had passed since the end of the Civil War Others say it was because Franco asked Hitler for too much in exchange: Gibraltar, Morocco, Guinea y Oran. Any more and he'd have asked for Berlin. We know all this. What is the problem? We've received an alarm from 1940. Germany has sent 5,000 tons of wheat to Spain. and it's rumored that there's a letter from Hitler accepting part of those conditions that Irene talked about. (ERNESTO) But, what could Franco offer Hitler? He didn't have weapons or a strong army. That is what I want to find out. As you all well know, Hitler visited Madrid to discuss those conditions before the meeting in Hendaye. Later, he traveled to Montserrat. Montserrat? The Abbey of Montserrat? That's the one. He was convinced that the Holy Grail was there. For the love of Christ. Yes, he was looking for that too, don't doubt it. -The Nazis believed in the power of relics, the lance with which Longinus pierced Christ or the Arc of the Covenant. I've heard of that. Someone wants to rewrite history and we won't allow it. Ernesto, you speak German. You should go immediately with Irene to Madrid in the 40s. and find out what Himmler wants. I suppose he'll be staying at the Ritz. Yes, that hasn't changed. For the moment. (MAN) Welcome to Spain "Willkommen in Spanien". -Danke. -So that you feel at home we have prepared you some Bavarian specialties. (HIMMLER) (SPEAKING GERMAN) -It has a splendid look. Ah, tell him I'm pleased. "Nein", I said that. The... (GERMAN NAME) ...is this big meatball. Ah. The menu also includes... (GERMAN NAME) (CONTINUES SPEAKING GERMAN) You speak German impeccably. -In Spain, German is taught in all the schools. Knowing German is essential to the future of our youth. (SPEAKING GERMAN) May I serve? Serve, serve, I have to speak with these gentlemen. These are General Franco's latest requests. (TRANSLATING TO GERMAN) We will gladly look them over. (HOST) Perfect. Tomorrow I will come by at 4pm. We have prepared a bull fight in your honor. Bull? Fight? -Yes, yes but with the best fighters. Ah. Marcial Lalanda, Pepe Luis Vázquez and Rafael Ortega "el Gran Gallito". Gallito? Come here. Help me explain this. Bull fight. National Festival. (SPEAKING GERMAN) Men fighting against bulls? Yes, yes, yes. What did he say? -That they would love to go. I couldn't have translated it better. (MAN) (COUGHING) The fortune cookie was right. Love and a cough can't be hidden. Get going, Luis. And leave you here alone? No, don't even think it. Whatever way, you're coming with me. -Don't be an idiot. They won't let me board in this state. I can't leave you alone with this fever. You're burning up. On your way out, tell the guy that owns the guesthouse to call a doctor. But go now, you're going to miss your plane. I'll leave you this so you can get by when you get better. Hang in there. (Door closes) Is what you have to tell me very important? It could be. Tell me. Sit down, woman. One of our internal agents called. An hour ago someone checked into a hospital. He was delirious and talking about a time door. Couldn't he just be crazy or a science fiction fan? Look. This is his picture in the hospital, taken this very morning. And this, a photo he had on him. It's from 1940. 1940. Everything's leading us to the same year. Alright. Have Amelia and her team visit him in the hospital, immediately. Time travel with a shrimp allergy, now that is risky. I don't know what you're talking about. About this. We're pressed for time, so you can confess everything now. Relax, Alonso. Tell us how you arrived here from 1940. I'm sick, not crazy. Time travel can't be done. Yes, yes it can. We do it, as a matter of fact. So I'm sure that you aren't crazy. But if you don't work with us, we can lock you up in an asylum for life. Are you sure this will work? I've synchronized the frequency with my phone. We'll hear everything that Himmler says from his room. I don't hear anything. They haven't gotten back from the bull fight. Here they are. (HIMMLER) (SPEAKING GERMAN) What did he say? -"What a disgusting spectacle". "Gallito is a fucking murderer". Whereas they have Auschwitz... now that's a show for the whole family. Heil Hitler. -Heil Hitler. (SPEAKING GERMAN) They've brought him a telegram. (SPEAKING GERMAN) "Everything's going as we had hoped". (Speaking German) So they're going to accept Franco's conditions. Shit. (SPEAKING GERMAN) "We will go to Montserrat for the Grail of all grails." Heil Hitler. -Heil Hitler. (HUMMING) (HUMMING) (CLEARING THROAT) (HUMMING) (RASPY) What a nightmare. Chiquetete would sing Wagner with more respect. Turn that off. Why would the Nazis accept Franco's demands? What have you found out? We don't know if the Holy Grail is in Montserrat, but there is a time door. Of course. The grail of all grails. They are accepting the conditions because they want that door. And how do they know about a door that even we aren't aware of? From Lola Mendieta. Hello. Did you come alone? Where is your partner? I saw them kill him hidden behind some bushes. and I fled without doing anything, like a coward. The important thing is that you're alive and you're leaving this hell. Quickly. Himmler is already in Madrid and soon he'll go to Montserrat. He doesn't know anything, right? -He's unaware of the time door. He's going to look for the Holy Grail. Or at least that's what history tells us. History. I would love to be able to travel in time and change it, I swear. That's what we're doing. Yes, that's what we're doing. -Let's go. Madrid is full of spies. And Juan and Luis? -They're safe. Leave immediately for Montserrat. Destroy that door before the Nazis find it. You two will travel to Hendaye. If they don't manage to destroy the door, you need to stop Spain from entering World War II. By whatever means neccessary. I look like a puppet. No complaining, I don't even want to think about when we travel to meet Viriatus. I knew that this day would come, but traveling to my own future terrifies me. In 1940 I'll be over 80 years old. This is only 60 years after your time. Imagine how I feel on every trip. It's almost better to travel farther than closer. It's the memories that kill you. You're lucky, you can't ever travel to the future. So you'll never know what will become of your life. My future doesn't interest me as much as my past. Yes, too much sometimes. Anyway, past, future... What does it matter? A good soldier should forget his past, and realize that he might not have a future, because he fights every day as though it were his last. Really, Alonso, when it comes to inspiring people you are one of a kind. Come on. I dont understand. The place where we they're meeting us is... It's two blocks from here. Also, coincidentally, they're meeting us in my neighborhood. Please, can you give me something? It's to eat. Yes. Here you are. Thank you. I've never seen such poverty. The War had just ended. People were hungry and there wasn't much food. just what they got with their ration card. My grandfather told me. How everything has changed. Hey. I could swear that's you. When I left home yesterday it was half-painted. It was going to go in the sitting room. Should we go in and ask? No. We have a mission to complete. (WHISPERS) He's late for the Angelus. Here. Let's go. I'm sorry. -Is Lola working with the Nazis? Impossible. She is saving lives and risking her own. Her life and half of humanity. If the Nazis find that door they will come to the present. and obtain weapons and modern technology. Do you know what that would mean? They will win the second World War. and they will eliminate anyone who doesn't conform to their ideas. You don't have to tell me. I have experience in that area, I assure you. What are you going to do with me? We'll figure it out. Now leave. May I take the photo? (ANGUSTIAS) May I come in? -Like you need permission. Do we know what will happen to him if he returns to his time? No. I'm trying to locate Espínola. I call him and it cuts off or goes straight to the machine. -Espínola? Things must be bad... Sorry about the wait. We weren't expecting you so soon. Typical. The guy who brought us must have a date later. He's crazy. We call him "Offroader". So, how's 2015? Good... I hope it's better than now, when there's nothing to eat. We're headed that way, don't doubt it. And then they say that humanity is evolving. Evolving my ass. (SCRAPING) (BRANCHES BREAKING) Stop there. Throw down your weapons. We're screwed. Maquis. And who are they? These are some assholes. Say that again, if you've got the balls. You are assholes. Fine. You asked for it. (Shoots a blank) You're the asshole, who cheats at cards. You couldn't beat me at cards if you wore a hood, Mariano. You know each other? Yeah, they also work for the Ministry. So, you mean that all this is a joke. Yeah, we do it to all the new guys, like you. Interesting sense of humor you have. If we don't have a little fun now and then this will be the death of us. Come on, let's go. Not a damn bit funny. We're almost there. Are you sure that the translator won't show up in Hendaye? I took care of him. He'll spend a few weeks glued to the toilet, I assure you. Why do I never get to seduce a beautiful woman instead of greasy lechers? For the same reason we're going to see Hitler and not Ava Gardner. Look, her I did meet, but I must be the only one who doesn't brag about it. Hitler. There have been too many assholes in this world and I've met a lot of them. I didn't know you smoke. Me either. How many times have we risked our lives together, and I still don't know... What time period I'm from? Yes. It's so long ago I don't even remember it. Are you Captain Pascual? -At your orders, Commander. Come with me. (Train whistle) At your orders, Your Excellence. Where is Álvarez Estrada? Indisposed, Your Excellency. And you are...? Captain Pascual at your orders, Your Excellency. Where did you serve in the War? -With Generals Gil y Yuste, intelligence services in Álava, Your Excellency. Good reference. Do you understand the importance of these negotiations? Yes, Your Excellency. Well then, I am in your hands, because I get by with my English, but my German... Damn devil's language. You can be at ease, Your Excellency. At ease? With Hitler? Impossible. He's so high-strung. How could a corporal have come so far? 20 SS? Well the plan is fucked, because we only have four more men here. There's only 8 of you? And the civil guard? Just what you see. With the Ministry's cutbacks, when someone retires they don't send anyone new. And the weapons are from the Moroccan War. So what's the plan? Do you have what we asked for? There's the clothes. Here you go. Two Civil Guard uniforms and for you, a monk's robes. And the explosives to blow up the door. I'll carry that. I won't argue with you about that. Ah, one more thing. In case of an emergency, ring the Abbey's bells. And what do we have the phones for? They're worthless here, in these mountains there's no coverage. The Spanish hell is everywhere. What is the Spanish hell? Nothing, a joke. You can tell it on the way. Let's get to the monastery. (Thunder) (ANSWERING MACHINE) "This is the talking device of Ambrosio Espínola Doria, Grandee of Spain. If you want to leave a message, do so after hearing the signal". (beep) Message for Espínola. Emergency call from the Ministry. I repeat: emergency call from the Ministry. (Thunder) Are you worried? Aren't you? We have a very complicated mission ahead of us. It's not just that worrying you. You can't stop thinking about that portrait of your family. It won't get out of my head. Just yesterday I was posing with my family. My mother scolded me because I wouldn't sit still. When we finish the mission, we'll find out what happened to your family. I don't know if I want to find out, Julián. There it is. A new mission awaits us. Victory or death. I prefer the first one. Me too. You two go and see the Prior. And you? I'll start looking. With this habit no one will suspect anything. Be careful. And to what do we owe your visit? There is a risk of imminent attack by the Maquis. I doubt it. We are peaceful people. and because of that have always been respected. A big fish in the German army is coming to visit this monastery. We need to be sure that nothing happens to him. Do what you wish, but do not bother the brothers. You've arrived just at lunch time. (Door creaking open) (Two shots) Throw down your weapons! Look, how thoughtful. This one doesn't need subtitles. I said to throw down your weapons. (MAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) She's coming with us. Eh! Eh! We have to do something. Yes, but in due time. How can you be so calm? If you would be so kind, tell me the joke about the Spanish hell. What are you doing here? Thinking about how to get out. Wait! Wait. Get me out of here. I have an even more important secret for Himmler. Here inside there is a time door, only one. I can show you hundreds. Traitor. (WHISPERS) You have no idea. I hate to disappoint you, but the Holy Grail isn't in Montserrat. Our only grail is our Blessed Virgin and our custom, to kiss her. (MAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) Tell him that I hope he enjoys his cyanide. You speak German. -I studied in Tübingen. Look, I know that I can't prohibit you from treading this holy ground but I can confine myself to my cell until you leave here. Take care not to break anything. Should we fear God's wrath? -No. You should fear mine. Heil Hitler. Fräulein Lola Mendieta. You don't know how pleased we are to meet you. Without you we'd never have come here. You'll be much more pleased when you learn about the Ministry of Time. There are hundreds of doors there that lead to all of the past. (SPEAKING GERMAN) And the guy in the German hell, covered in shit up to his ears, asks the guy in the Spanish hell how he's doing... I don't know what I'm doing telling jokes. Not knowing what the Nazis are doing with Amelia. Continue the joke, I beg you. The Spaniard says he's living pretty well in the Spanish hell. The German, dumbfounded, asks him: "Don't they throw buckets of shit on you?". And the Spaniard says: "In Spanish hell when there's a bucket, there's no shit, and when there's shit, there's no bucket". Well I don't understand. Fine. I guess Spain's changed a lot since the 16th century. For the worse, as I see it. It seems that they are here. Let's go. Could you shut up for once? I'm sick of all your blabbering! What are you doing? Are you crazy or what? (SPEAKING GERMAN) You should fight better. I save lives, I don't take them away. The first life you have to save is your own. And now, we will go get Amelia. Like jumping into a swimming pool. Heil Hitler. -Heil Hitler. (SPEAKING GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) Another war flick. How boring. How could you do this? And you? You are worse than a traitor. You're a murderer who's going to kill all the people who won't be able to leave through this door anymore. They promised to let me go to the future. We have you, fräulein. We don't need him. But what do you mean you can't come right now? Listen, this isn't a marching band that's coming, eh? I want you in my office, now. Espínola. Espínola. Espínola. It's gone dead, God. Evacuation Order. Have the agents return to their time periods and their homes. Only essential staff and security. Yes, Sir. And what do we do with Juan? -If you don't mind, take him to your house. I'm staying here with you. -No, Angustias, you go home. (Machine gun fire) Well I think that I'm going to have to stay. (Machine gun fire) Oh, thank God. God and this wonderful machine. You've got to hurry. Lola is telling them about the Ministry. She will pay for that, I swear. The phone. We have to warn the Ministry. (Telephone) Hallo? Too late. They're already there. We have to warn the "paquis". Maquis. Fine, whatever they're called. (DOCUMENTARY NARRATION) (IN GERMAN) (SPEAKING GERMAN) Did he say "peanut brittle"? "Fantastic". -Ah. (GERMAN) -"Marvellous". Amazing. He couldn't be more excited if he had won the lottery. (SPEAKING GERMAN) -And now what did he say? "A ha". See, like in Spanish. Dank, liebe Heinrich. -"Thank you, dear Heinrich." Danke, mein füher. And what about our requests? (SPEAKING GERMAN) Yes to everything. Soon two battalions will arrive from France. and travel to the future. That will be our definitive victory. (Bells Tolling) How strange. It's 20 past. It's just that in Spain we aren't as punctual as you. But are you sure about what you're saying? Yes. He was speaking with Himmler, I'm sure of it. He said: "Dank, Heinrich" and hung up. And he's accepted everything. We'll call the Ministry. They will know what's going on in Montserrat. No, we're outside Spanish territory. Our cell phones don't work here. We'd have to return to Irun and there's no time. But Amelia and her team are in this time. We could get off and call from the station. You're right. I'm going to get off. No. They could call for you at any moment. It would be suspicious if you weren't here. I'll take care of it. But where do you think you are, Ramblas street market? Montserrat is a spiritual retreat. (Cell Phone) (Cell Phone) (Cell Phone) Excuse me. (Cell Phone) Yes. Irene. Well, not too well, truthfully. Actually, if I'm honest, things have gone to shit. The Nazis have seized the Ministry. And security? -Give them up for dead. Silence! I have to admit, you've got balls, drawing at a time like this. -If I don't draw, I'll shit myself right now. Ah, no, then you'd better keep drawing. The art still unpainted if I die now... The museums won't be the same. Have I ever told you that you're an egomaniac? I said silence! Don't touch her. Thank you, Juan. I owe you one. Where is Espínola? What are we going to do now? Go to plan B. But, has anyone calculated how history could change... if we kill Hitler? Yes. But knowing what he did it might make it better. Are you sure about doing this? Yes. If the Germans are in the Ministry, there won't be too many here. They're good soldiers. Relax, we aren't too bad ourselves. (HABLA EN ALEMÁN) He's wondering how everything's going out there. (Machine gun fire) I think he should be more worried about what's going on here inside. (Machine gun fire) Silence! No one move. Throw down your weapons. On the ground! Throw down your weapons. Silence. (LOLA) Let's go, there's no time to lose. How dare you speak to us, harpy? The Ministry has fallen and by your fault. I'm helping you. The Ministry has it's defenses, it's own soldiers. And I have sent the Nazis into a trap from which they can't escape. (SPEAKING GERMAN) And what do you think you're laughing at, "dumbass"? That you think you will defeat our glorious army. We'll see about that. To where? To the Ministry. It's the only way we'll know what's going on. These will be our shields. I hope that the Germans are good soldiers. Why, so they'll kill us? No, because a good army would never let their General die. Stay with her. No, I'll stay. The more of you there, the better. Are you sure? Yes. The Ministry is what matters. Let's go. (HITLER) Oh. (YELLING IN GERMAN) -Pardon. Sorry, sorry, eh... (SPEAKING GERMAN) Why are you smiling? I wonder if you've ever killed anyone. Have you? No, you never have. Besides, I'm going to tell you something. It isn't in your best interest to kill me, Amelia Folch. You know me? (LAUGHS) Yes. What do you know about me? Everything. Your father was called Enric, your mother, Carma, and you are an only child because your mother almost died birthing you. That's enough for today. I have business to attend. After what you've done, do you think I'm just going to let you go? I haven't done anything. They betrayed me. I've saved lives, people who would have ended up in front of a firing squad if I didn't get them out of here and who can't escape now. When Napoleon's men wanted to kill El Empecinado, did you help them for the good of humanity? I helped them with the hope that the war would end sooner, so that Spain would change for the better. (SIGH) When I found out they were going to kill him, I wanted to warn him, but it was too late. The Ministry has you fooled, Amelia. Preserving the past? But it's History. Mmhm, and sometimes it's a shitty history. Can you imagine the amount of mistakes that could be fixed? Of course Spain defeated Napoleon. But for what? So that Fernando VII would annul a constitution that had cost so many lives? while he was on vacation in Bayonne; so that he would return and kill so many heroes, like El Empecinado; so that our best men, Goya, Jovellanos... would have to live in exile. Don't move. You're not going to shoot me. Tell me something else about myself. I swear that I will, but not now. (Machine gun fire, screams) -Silence! Up against the wall. (SALVADOR) Finally, Espínola. -Relax. Outside is taken care of. and I will sort this out in a jiffy. Let's see, do any of them speak Spanish? -Yes, this one. Well listen carefully, because this is the last time I'll say it, I have 100 more men in the hallways, and all your comrades are dead, so surrender and we will treat you with honor. Do you understand? -And you understanding this? No, it's not going to be over that easily. Diego, wake up. Diego. -Silence! We will never surrender. We only follow orders from the Führer. That can be arranged. Remove your aim from my boss or I'll shorten him by a head (ANGUSTIAS) Wake up. We have to warn Ernesto quickly. Fine. Someone translate. I'll do it. -Perfect. Tell him to return to Montserrat. (TRANSLATING) To call his boss on the way so he can tell Hitler that it was all a dream or whatever he wants to say, but that I don't want to see them ever again, not even in photographs. And if my boss doesn't want to? Well then I'll just say two words. Exactly. His parents. I'll send a team to eliminate them before they ever meet (TRANSLATING) -And Mr. Himmler will never be born. (TRANSLATING) Go with them, immediately. You, Espínola, can return to Flanders. And don't ignore your phone. -Don't worry. You are Espínola, who conquered Breda? The very same. It is an honor to fight alongside a Grandee of Spain. You are also great, although you don't have a title. (Telephone) (ANSWERS IN GERMAN) (IN GERMAN) Himmler on the phone. "Ja". (SPEAKING GERMAN) He doesn't accept the deal. What did he say? -Better I don't translate. Let's leave here. What a waste of cyanide. Go on, say what you want to say. If you're saying that because of Lola, do not worry I do not blame you. I can't believe what I'm hearing. Surely Lola was a good agent for the Ministry. She made the Germans fall into her trap. Well, yes. We saved the Ministry, the door, and the damn history. This is ready. Well, destroy it. We'll take the prisoners to their car. No, wait. We have to capture this moment. You, on the floor. Take this. Do you think I'm not going to impress my children with my picture of Himmler? To see the face of a losing German... what a pleasure. Get used to it, with Luis Aragonés you'll learn all about it. ¿Luis Aragonés is another Grandee of Spain, like Espínola? Oh yeah, he's one of the great ones. (CHATTER) Quiet and hold still. Cheese. (CAMERA SHUTTER) (NARRATION) "I am Amelia Folch. I travel in time and I just fought against Hitler's army. A great victory, although there is no victory without victims." (Door closing) I have the information you asked for. -Thank you. Are you sure you won't get in trouble? -I don't care. I told you I owed you one. and we Vázquezes always pay our debts. Iván. My son. Father? Yes, it's me, Juan. "Juan had seen the future... and he couldn't live with it". Are you sure you don't want to work for us? I appreciate your offer, but I'd prefer to return to my own time. If you have something to tell me, say it. I'm letting you know that if you go back... nothing good awaits you. I'm going to die,right? It doesn't matter. I want to see my child grow even if it's just for one more day, that's worth anything that could happen to me. Thank you for everything. -Good luck. "I, like Juan, also wanted to know my future." At the store they told me that my house was abandoned and that they didn't know anything about my family. So I was left with only one way to find out anything. I never should have done it". Yes? There's a man here with a court summons in my name, as the head of the Ministry. That's not possible. This ministry is secret from the state. -I have come to defend the interests of the direct decedents of rabbi Abraham Levi, author or "The Book of Doors". It's you. -Will you protect my family? -Five days, not one more. On the next day, this Ministry will no longer be a secret. And what are we going to do? You must travel to 1491 and save the rabbi from the stake. What are we waiting for? It's not that easy. (ERNESTO) Door 148 is in a permanent time loop. You mean, like Groundhog Day, but in medieval times. All rise. For his excellence, inquisitor general don Tomás de Torquemada. I must send you on a mission I wish I never would've had to send you on. (WHISPERS) Look. It can't be. Do you care for my daughter Amelia? Of course I care for her. I'm here, dining with you. (ISABELLA I OF CASTILLE) What is this? Abraham Levi is under my protection. I believe that there is only one possibility left, and you know what I'm referring to. Run! Guards! Obey. No man will be left behind. (SALVADOR) What do you think? that I don't wish he were here instead of burning at the stake. (WHISPERS) Destroy the diary this very night. Quick! She's here! Quick, hurry up! - Hello, everyone. - Hello. Am I late? No. I'm even early, it seems. So... Is everyone here? Oh, no... I see that... Our own Philippe. - Hello, Jeanne. - Hello. May I ask why you're in such a good mood? We're happy to see our favourite manager. Good. You'll smile less when you see the Décopril figures. We'll have to be more... aggressive and tenacious! Danou wants you. - Now? - It's urgent. - Sounds like trouble up there. - I'll go. Get started. HIS SPRING, HER WINTER Come in. Hello, Jeanne. Thanks for coming. Have a seat. Sit down. I'm listening, Maillet. I'll be straight. The parent company's made a decision. Staff at the south-west branch is being reduced, and... - "And"? - 10 jobs are going. - That many? - Yes, 10. Under the circumstances, it's the only way to keep the branch running after the heavy losses, due to generic drugs. "Heavy losses". Don't exaggerate, Hugues. Latest results aren't... Right. No need for such pessimism, Hugues. Thing's aren't rosy. But it's the right decision, Jeanne, and I'm sorry. Jean-Pierre, we know this should have happened a year ago, and I myself... You what? I've a plan to make the redundancies go smoothly. May I know who's leaving? I can't tell you yet. It's not yet official. Is that all? Oh! Wait! There. You have a good team, it seems. - So, that's it? - Yes. - Do you know who's going? - They wouldn't say. It's not official, right? Don't worry, we'll fight. I'm not worried. I must tell you... I couldn't say with Maillet there, but you're on the list. - Me? - Yes. I'm really sorry, believe me. But you're probably the luckiest. Or rather... The least unlucky. Given your age and the relocation rules, you'll be able to take early retirement, and get your leaving bonus, of course. You're relocating... It's a chance for you, Jeanne. It won't be so bad, believe me. Good night. The fish will be pleased. That's the third in a week. They'll get the texts down there. Where can I phone from? Do you have a mobile? Well, me and mobiles... There's a phone kiosk over there. It's my office, but you can use it. - Thanks. - You're welcome. Sophie, it's Mum. No. I'm still at the office. Yes, I know it's late. Tomorrow lunchtime? OK. I'll collect him. You can count on me. Yes... Lots of love, darling. You too... Wait. Wait. It's... It's unpredictable. I'll... It blocks sometimes. - There. - Thank you. - Sure you're all right? - Yes, fine, thanks. Hello. Oh, hello! Your first night with no phone wasn't too hard? It was. But I made an effort... Sorry, I must have seemed ridiculous yesterday, right? No. Sometimes people blow it. I saw you had a car. Are you going back to Bordeaux? Yes! Oh, yes! I'm leaving... Oh dear! In 5 minutes. Could you handle a stowaway? I've a son, Louis, who lives abroad. The rebel of the family. At 18, with a culinary arts diploma, he went off to Asia. He's in Vietnam now. I tried to stop him. Well... in my own way. Now he's opened a restaurant, and is doing well. His taste for adventure doesn't come from me. - Is Vietnam nice? - I've never been there. Even to see him. I'm a disgrace. Stupid, isn't it? Am I boring you? Yes. But as you drive like a maniac, it helps to pass the time. - Like a maniac? - We ought to be dead by now. I've a daughter too. I need 2 hours for her. Spare me! Not your daughter. The bypass will be jammed. I don't know where to go. - Any idea? - No. - I'll go north. - OK, go north. - Where shall I drop you? - In the north. OK. At least you're not complicated. There. It was nice talking to you. - It was mostly me who... - So... Thanks for the adventure. You're welcome. Normally, you say: "The pleasure was mine." "The pleasure was mine." I'm Pascal. And you? Jeanne Dorval. Jeanne. Excuse me, I'm sorry... Hi, Grandma. How are you? How did school go? You OK, Grandma? Yes, I'm fine. "Oh yes, I know it's cold "That the sky is all... askew "I know that neither..." - "Primroses." - "Primroses "Nor lambs are here yet "The earth spins; spring will come back..." - "on its green horse." - "On its green horse "What's a wood without woodpeckers, A garden without lilac? "Everything passes, even..." - "Even winter." - "Even winter." - Grandma. - Yes, darling? I'm coming to live with you. Isn't it a good idea? I don't know. Yes, a very good idea. But it's not possible. You have a mum and dad who'd be sad if you left them. Sorry, Mum, there was an accident just as I was leaving. Weekend emergencies. And the boss came 2 hours late. I sent loads of messages, you didn't answer. I lost my phone. And the landline... - Have you eaten? - I can't stay. I have appointments very early. - I'm not sleeping here? - No. You need a pee? Go on. I can't do it for you. Then we'll go. Mum, I must tell you. It's all gone wrong. - What's the matter? - Guillaume has a lover. I'm almost sure of it. Sure? Do you have proof? Loads of proof. Absences, lateness, poor excuses... He's always texting. If guys could lie, it would be easier. I tell you, he's seeing someone. I don't have to tell you, you know all that. So I'm really pissed off. But don't worry, I'll survive. - Did you tell your father? - What? He'd probably defend him. Nothing, everybody shut up. Josh, hi! What are you doing here? What are any of us doing here? Really, that's the question that haunts me every day. So, how was it? Best time of your life? Killer, awesome, amazing? Yes, it was absolutely perfect. Hear that, Sofia? Yes, I do. Perfect because you like Cooper, or China? Both. No, pick one. You have to pick one. Uh, okay. Cooper then. I mean, he's amazing. He's sexy, he's confident, and he knows everything about China. Chinese people were asking him where to find the best chinese food. What she's saying is she's happy with Cooper. So, there's nothing left to say except, shwah! A new phone? Why'd you do that? I have mine right here. You don't have to turn that on, no. Why not? While you were gone, there was a phone virus that swept the country. People everywhere were talking face-to-face. It was horrible. But, hey, no worries. I'll just transfer the stuff from your old phone to your new phone. You can grab it tomorrow when you come to work, and then you can meet Jilly. Jilly! Aww, did you get a kitty? No. I got a girlfriend. That was fast. No, me and Jilly met a while ago at this tech conference, which makes her sound kind of nerdy, but she's not, she's just super smart, and like, really hot. Did I mention she's a beauty queen? Anyway, she found out me and Caroline broke up, and she sent me this Facebook message, and the rest is history. Well, would you look at that, we are all so happy! I know, right? Like, you have cooper, I have Jilly, Sofia has... A new phone. As long as you keep it on silent. Oh, so that's how he gets his hair to stand on end. I figured he just looked at himself in the mirror naked. By the way, Yolanda, I've been meaning to thank you. For what? Not wearing a skirt. All right, done. I just transferred everything from Gabi's old phone onto my laptop, then loaded it onto her new phone. Except that awkward message, which now no one will hear. After I called off my wedding, you're the one I wanted to see, Gabi. I even drove to your house climbed up your fire escape with roses to Pretty Woman you. Now, no one will hear it. Ooh, here comes that fine window washer. He can squeegee me any day. Please, like you have a chance. Half the women in the building want to get "squeegeed" by him. Get out. Hi! You are hot. Hey, guys! Back from China, never looked finah. Seems like you've been gone forever, baby! Really? It already seems like you've been back forever. So, how was your trip? China was amazing! Everywhere we went, they treated us like royalty. Of course, they all thought I was Carrie Underwood. Here you go. I transferred all your info. And all the messages you need to hear are in this phone. Great. Okay, thanks, Josh. Is this a welcome back breakfast? Kinda. This magnificent feast is courtesy of Jilly. The new girlfriend. The one and only. You must be Gabi. Aren't you cute as a button! Hi, it's really nice to meet you. I borrowed one of your aprons, - I hope you don't mind. - Oh, of course not. Good. Now, come sit your sweet buns down and have some of my sweet buns while they're still warm. Okay. I always thought I hated all girls who cooked. Turns out, just you. These are really good. You know, whenever I make waffles, I usually make... Fried chicken? Good thing, I've been going to the gym. Seems like everybody really loves your cooking. Among other things, huh? Okay. Well, um... Thanks for keeping everybody well-fed, Jilly, But I think I'll just take it from here. All right, we're confirmed. That development team from Austin is coming here for dinner tomorrow night. Excellent! Any thoughts on the menu? How about chicken pot pie? Sorry. I just got so used to cooking for Josh, I thought he was talking to me. No, he was talking to me, 'cause, you know, I'm the chef. Of course you are, but I don't see why Jilly can't make the dinner. Because it's my job to cook the dinner? But, you've been gone for three weeks. Well, what does that mean? You know, things changed a little bit. Since you went on vacation with your boyfriend to China for three weeks. But, you said I could go. I said you could go because you asked me. Okay, but now I'm back. And now I have a girlfriend, and she likes to cook. So, if she wants to make the dinner, she can. Aww, thanks, baby. Fun. Why can't you date somebody who can do my job? You are never gonna believe what Josh just told me. Oh, thank God, finally! You know? I know that it's something big, and that I don't know it. So, tell me. Josh is having a business dinner tomorrow night, and Jilly wants to cook it, and he's letting her. That's what this is about? Jilly? Yeah, can't you see? She's moving in on my territory! With her sweet buns and that adorable accent, argh, I hate her! Your territory? I thought you were over Josh? You picked Cooper. You're happy with Cooper. Yes, I am happy with Cooper and I'm glad I picked Cooper, I'm just not glad that Josh picked Jilly. I mean, she's trying to take over my job! Oh, my God. Well, I want to hear all about it. But first, can you take your shoes off and put them on the new shoe rack? I started it while you were gone, so... God, has everything changed since I left? Okay, seriously, Gabi. Shoes. I mean, I'm gone three weeks, and Josh has a girlfriend, and you have a shoe rack. Okay, it is just one dinner. No. No, no, no. First it's one dinner, then it's two, then it's bye-bye Gabi, and she's cooking for him all the time! This is a gateway dinner! Well, you are cracked out on jet lag, and you need some sleep. No. No, you know what I need? I need to roll Jilly up in a carpet and toss her off a bridge! Yes, now I hear it. I am cracked out on jet lag. I'm gonna call Cooper, and take a little nap. Hey, Gabi, could you, um... take your... Thank you. You okay, sugar? I'm sorry. Just having a hard time sleeping. I know what's going on. Though, I'm afraid to say it because I don't want you to think I'm insecure. But... I'm insecure. You? What are you insecure about? The truth is, it's only been three weeks, and I just feel like you might still be hung up on her. Trust me. I'm over her. She's moved on, I've moved on. It's okay to say her name. Your ex-fiancée Caroline. Caroline? Yes. Caroline. That's who I'm over. Very over. From now on, it's just the two of us. And whoever's trying to break in downstairs. Gabi, what are you doing here? It's 3:00 in the morning. Not in China. And, you know what they say, the early bird gets to cook the bird. Right? No one says that. We've discussed this. My girlfriend is cooking the dinner. Your "girlfriend." Why did you put my girlfriend in quotes? Why did you put my girlfriend in quotes? I don't know, Josh, maybe because three weeks ago you were engaged, and now you have a... First of all, this is none of your business, you are my chef. If I am your chef, then I should be making the dinner. Kind of looks like you are making the dinner. I am? Oh, thank you! She is? No, she's not. She's going home. We're going to bed. Sweetie, just give me one second. I'll be up in a jiff. Hon, I'm sorry that I worried you so much you felt like you had to come over here. But, here's the thing. Josh and I are in a new relationship, and I think he may be a little hung up on his ex still, so I'm using every biscuit in my basket to win him over. You understand, right? I do, yeah, I totally do. But, here's my thing: I need this job. Well, appears we have a situation. Appears we do. How do you suggest we remedy that? Well, how about we both cook the dinner and we see which one Josh likes the best. If you're asking for a cook-off, you got one. Okay, well, if I win, then I cook the dinner, and you stay out of my kitchen. And if I win, I cook the dinner, and any other dinner I want to from now on. In Josh's kitchen. - Game on! - So on! Let's wait till the sun comes up. - Good idea. - Okay. Ooh, something smells good in here. Thank you. She was talking to me! Crazy white girls. Look at you. I don't know who's working harder, you or those spanx. The spanx. I am one popcorn shrimp away from blowing a button and killing the man. I still don't know how you got a date with the world's sexiest window washer. We have a connection. We were able to communicate with just our hands. Oh, that's cute, window man. But, let's talk with our voices now. We can talk with our hands later. You know I'm deaf, right? No. No, I did not. Hold on. He's deaf. What do I do? Go out with him. He's hot. But, I've never been out with a deaf guy before. So? You've never been out with a hot guy before. How are we supposed to communicate? Why are we whispering? He can't hear us. I can read lips, mamacita. Well, look at that, you finally have a date who can read. Here's the research on the guys coming to dinner tonight. Only one of them is cute. Did you figure out a way to make sure I pick Jilly's pie over Gabi's pie? Can we please stop talking about their pies? It's making me dry heave. I'm serious. I need to pick Jilly's. It's easy. Jilly's using the aubergine ramekin, Gabi's using the chartreuse. Can you say that again in hetero? Jilly's purple, Gabi's green. And a ramekin's a small dish you bake in. Gotcha. Why does it matter who wins? Because Jilly's starting to feel insecure. She's worried that I'm not over Gabi. Caroline. She's worried I'm not over Caroline. So, I have to pick Jilly's pie to prove that I'm into Gabi. Jilly! I'm into Jilly! Jilly, Jilly! Who's green again? Okay, first we have to blindfold you. No. Why do I have to be blindfolded? Didn't seem to bother you last night. This is so not that. Okay, here we go. So good. And, number two. Also delicious. So, which do you choose? Which one do I choose? Just pick one! Fine. I... pick... the first one. - That's mine. - What? I won! I beat a professional chef. You picked mine, sweetie! Thank god. Well, congrats. You won fair and square. Chin up, Gabi. There's no shame in being runner-up. Or so I've been told. Gabi, wait. Here. Take one of my pies. It looks like you could use a little bit of comfort food. Thanks. You're back early. It didn't work out? No, it did not. Well, maybe next time you should date a blind guy. What happened? When the check came, he wanted to go dutch. I can't blame him. I've seen how much you can eat. And then, he paid for his half with a two-for-one coupon. You gotta dump his cheap, but well-sculpted ass. I can't. He'll think I'm prejudiced against the deaf. But, I'm just prejudiced against the cheap. Yeah. If a man wants your milk, he's gotta buy the whole cow. Except for no-dairy Gary, I'd say dinner was a hit. I'd say you were a hit. I like the music you picked. Really? Let's turn it up. May I have this dance, m'lady? Aww, handsome, and he can dance. Wait till thriller comes on. Hey, gabi I'm calling you from... - No, no, no, no! - The airport, actually. Last night, after I called off my wedding, - Wrong song. - You're the one I wanted to see. - This is... - I even drove to your house and climbed up your fire escape with roses to... So, where were we? - Oh, my god! - No, I can explain! It's not Caroline you're still hung up on, it's Gabi. No! No, no, no, no. Okay, no, no, no. You don't understand. The reason why that's on my laptop, is because I took it off her phone. See, I didn't want her to listen to it because I'm so happy with you. So, you don't have feelings for Gabi? That's what I thought. Josh, you are adorable and a good man, But I am never runner-up. Don't go. I'll be fine. Goodbye, Josh. Goodbye, Gabi. Jilly! I could be a valet parker. Really? Can you drive a stick? No. Can you parallel park? No. Then, can you be a valet parker? No. God, what happened? Everything was so perfect. I had an amazing time in China, I had a great time with Cooper, I had a job. hey, Gabi, it's Josh, I need to talk to you. Go ahead. Get it over with quick. I'm fired, right? You're not fired. How could you not fire me? I would fire me! I can't even cook a pot pie better than a civilian. Gabi, stop. I picked hers on purpose. Nice try. It was a blind taste test. And I knew which one was yours. - How? - Bacon in the crust. Signature Gabi move. Also, no onions, 'cause I hate them. Extra peas, 'cause I love them. You did know. Well, then why did you pick hers? For the sex reasons. I just really wanted things to work out with Jilly. What do you mean "Wanted"? What happened? We broke up. What! Why? She didn't like my music. And I also think that maybe it was a little too soon for me to have a "girlfriend." Aww, Josh. Someday, you're gonna find a girlfriend you don't have to put quotes around. I mean, somebody who's incredible for you, who totally gets you, and who, hopefully, can't cook. - You think so? - Yeah. You're gonna find somebody who's perfect for you. Just like me and Cooper. Just like you and Cooper. Yeah. Hey, do you want to see pictures of my trip to China with Cooper? Not even a little. Okay, I just finished my breakup text. How does this sound? George, it was really nice to meet you, but I have to be honest, I have three months to live. And it will be cruel to give you so much, only to take it away. It's good, really really good. So you don't think he'll be too crushed? Uhhh... no, I think he'll be okay. Shane smith: This week on vice, looting ancient artifacts In the middle east. It is straight down. Jesus christ. Smith: Then the business of being white in china. I'm a businessman! Man: Why does a real estate company want to have a western butler? It is almost as successful here in china as sex. Sex sells, right? Sex and white people. Thank you. Thank you. ♪ I'm at dahshur, which is one of the sights That's been completely overrun by looters. I'm a scottish cymbal player in china, a job I got because I'm white. Isis militants in iraq and syria have been destroying, and in some cases selling off, Some of humanity's most priceless artifacts That chronicle the beginning of civilization. Sadly, those aren't the only countries facing an antiquities crisis. Since the arab spring and the turbulence that followed, Egypt has lost a devastating amount of it's own artifacts to looting. Since 2011, billions of dollars worth of relics have been stolen From both museums and archaeological sites. So we sent gianna toboni to egypt to find out exactly why We are pawning off our global heritage. ♪ Toboni: For being one of the seven wonders of the world, It's pretty vacant. There are no tourists here, it's so empty. How has business been? (laughs) Toboni: Do you see many tourists around here? Toboni: In fact, egypt's annual tourism revenue Is five billion dollars lower than it was the year before the revolution. The reason is pretty simple: Many foreigners see it as too dangerous to visit. When the arab spring erupted in the middle east four years ago, Massive protests, public killings, and widespread violence Destabilized the entire region, And ended the 30-year rule of egypt's president, hosni mubarak. The muslim brotherhood took power with a promise of democracy from their leade, President mohamed morsi. But after consistent protests over his controversial rule, The military took over, and they continue to rule the country today. Economist samer atallah says the political turmoil Has done significant damage to the economy. If you're a young person and you lose your job, Say, in tourism, where do you turn? Toboni: And one of the most widespread of these illegal activities: Looting. Is there a connection between economic decline And looting of antiquities? Toboni: During the chaos and aftermath of the revolution, Looters ransacked some of egypt's most priceless museum collections. In the security vacuum that followed the revolution, Looters went from stealing treasures in museums To raiding tombs that had been undisturbed for thousands of years. Illegal digging at many of egypt's cultural heritage sites skyrocketed. I'm at dahshur, which is one of sites That's been completely overrun by looters since the revolution. And I'm here to meet zahi hawass. He's the former minister of antiquities And he's going to take me inside that pyramid. Dr. Hawass is egypt's premier archaeologist And was actually the head of the ministry of antiquities When the arab spring hit egypt. (both laugh) Toboni: How much more did looting increase After the revolution, here in dahshur? Toboni: Popular areas for looting Are previously protected historical sites. Looters hope they contain more valuable antiquities, So they dig deep holes in search of undiscovered tombs. Toboni: Oh, wow. There are holes every few steps here at this site. And if you look at the satellite images before the revolution, It's completely flat, there are hardly any holes. Then you see the image after the revolution, and the holes are everywhere. (man singing in arabic) Toboni: Archaeologist monica hanna is one of the most vocal advocates For better protection at egypt's heritage sites. Toboni: Pretty amazing. What kinds of things are the diggers finding here? Toboni: How advanced are the methods of the looters that come here? Oh, yeah, wow. This is insane, there are bones everywhere. Toboni: When did most of these raids happen here? Toboni: Every 20 feet you walk here there's a new skull. It just shows, like, how much looting has happened here. I'm right outside cairo and we were able to track down A couple looters here, who at night go to the saqqara site, Which is just a few hundred meters from here. Why do you loot antiquities? Do you feel at all guilty for what you do? Toboni: To understand more about how and why these guys Run this underground trade, we got in touch with another group of looters outside luxo, Who agreed to take us to one of their dig sites. Toboni: Do you think, uh, before the revolution, There would have been police blocking this off? Toboni: How long have you been digging at this site? Toboni: This is insane. It's not even like there's a grade, it is straight down. Just-- you're holding it? That's it? There's no anchor? Just back up. All right. (sighs) okay. Okay... (toboni coughing) Toboni: It's not just the drop that makes this dangerous For these guys, it's so difficult to breathe That you can only stay down there for 30 minutes. Toboni: This guy is just pounding this rock. He's trying to cut right through to a tomb, But he doesn't really know where the tomb is, So this guy's been here for over a year doing this. Toboni: While they didn't find anything that day, They've discovered numerous artifacts at this site And agreed to let us meet their boss, Who sells them on the black market. Hello. How are you? Toboni: Mr. Mayor agreed to show us One of the gang's recent findings. This was, uh, created probably over a thousand years Before jesus was born. How much do you think you'll make for this? Toboni: Egypt's ministry of antiquitis tries to track down items That have been smuggled overseas and bring them back to egypt. It's an uphill battle, to say the least. So it's really just, like, three or four guys here, Who are in charge of repatriating three billion dollars Worth of antiquities. It's just them in this small office, Checking ebay and auction house websites. So what are these items here? Do you this was stolen post-arab spring? Toboni: Oh, my god. Just all- that's one man? Wow. Toboni: Because much of the demand for these items Comes from the United States, we met with a special agent From homeland security investigations in new york To see some recently seized items. This one had fake provenance attached to it and fake paperwork, And I think it was still going for upwards of a quarter of a million dollars. They will falsely declare the countries of origin, falsely declare the values, They'll falsely declare the descriptions. Almost anything that you can imagine to put down wrong to try and sneak by us. We were able to see pieces coming directly out of multiple countries, Not just egypt, but out of libya, out of syria, out of iraq. And so when you have that many countries involved In a transnational criminal organization, You realize that this is a very big problem. Toboni: Though these criminal organizations Span the middle east, Syria has been one of the hardest hit. We spoke to amr al-azm, a syrian archaeologist Who maintains a growing netwok of committed volunteers Who investigate the destructing and protect what's left. How big of an issue is looting in syria as compared to egypt? The scale of destruction and looting that is occurring At the moment in syria is unprecedented. The biggest exploiters of antiquities For profit are actually isis. They have experts, they have their own archaeologists, they have their own teams, And we are consistently hearing reports Of objects showing up In sales in london, In paris, in the us. This cultural heritage is not just part of syria's history, It's also part of our world history. We refer to these countries as syria or iraq or egypt As cradles of civilization. It's part of, essentially, what defines who we are And how we got to where we are today. Toboni: As long as global demand continues to rise, Isis and other criminal organizations Will continue to operate by selling off our collective history. China's economy is growing at an incredible rate. In fact, per capita gdp Is up more than 3,500% since 1980. It's now the world's second largest economy And is projected by the world bank To take over as number one before 2030. But despite this rapid ascension to power, China and their new elites still prize western culture. Specifically, white western culture. So, we sent thomas morton to get a firsthand look At the societal oddity that's taking place in modern-day china. ♪ Hi, it's thomas. I'm a, uh, scottish cymbal player in china, A job I got 'cause I am white. (bagpipes playing) (cymbals crash) ♪ While americans, and white people more generally, Have kind of worn out our welcome in most of the world, There's one place left where it's desirable And even considered exotic to have a white face. And that is here, the people's republic of china. White faces are such a hot commodity, There are entire chinese modeling agencies dedicated To the foreign look, which in china, means white. Because the demand for white so drastically outweighs the supply, they'll take anybody. At least for an interview. Yeah, what kind of work would be good for me? No. Why is runway a no? Well, why, yeah? Is it because I'm too short? So if runway is out, what are my other options? That's a good place to start. What type of the people do they usually ask for? Morton: Despite me not being runway material, Ellie was still able to find me an impressive numbr of jobs in a day's notice. Over the course of 24 hours, I was a subway stop sales martian. Look how much fun it is to blink. I hawked body positive ladies' underwear at the shanghai fashion expo. Expo attendees will have a chance of winning a prize pair of panties Worth between 80 and 100 kuai. I emceed a runway show. Welcome to the international brands catwalk. And ended my night drinking and playing dice with some rich chinese kids At a fancy night club that hires white foreigners To make them look cool and worldly. After work, I met up with some of my fellow whites to bitch about our jobs. What kind of jobs can you get as a foreigner? You can be a fake white anything, basically. That's the thing, really. It's just great. There's all sorts of masquerading as something you're not. You know, and it's not really a harmful thing. Really, it'-- I look at it as marketing. China is trying to open up to the world And they're trying to show people exactly. That we're global players, you know? Is it like an obsession with western culture on that level? Because I understand it from a business-- They don't really know much about the, the culture. They just like the idea of, like, white culture. Yeah. Exactly. They are kind of like visually racist, so to speak. So they like-- they like, um, you know, white, "white features." Morton: China's predilection for caucasian features May be a boon to local expats, But not everyone is jazzed on the aryan aesthetic. Huang xiangyang is a reporter who did a big piece for the china daily About where his countrymen's fixation with white face originally came from. Morton: While the majority of expat foreigners live In what china calls its first tier cities, Like beijing and shanghai, It's in the second and third tier cities that the superiority Of white culture carries the most weight. Which makes sense when you consider that most people there's Sole exposure to western culture is through tv shows like downton abbey. So the prestige attached to westerners kind of extends far beyond the business world Into more general western culture. And one of the things that has caught the eye of wealthy chinese Is the old craft of butlering, or butling. Thomas, who's driving me, Runs a branch of the international butler academy. He has agreed to let me train at the academy And take part in an event tonight. Now you see, it's not in the center. Here is your tea, sir. Still. We are getting there. Hm? Morton: Despite the rigorous training, the market for white butlers Is dominated not by nouveau riche chinese With palatial, aristocratic looking estates, But rather by real estate developers shilling pricey condos. So what exactly do you guys do at the sales office? Uh, basically, they want us to stand here and look pretty and greet the guests. So pretty much all day long they invite prospective tenans to come in. Morton: At this point, I wasn't quite sure I was being used To suggest that these apartments come with their own white butler, Or more as sort of a general visual prop to connote fanciness. Why does a real estate company want to have a western butler? It's show business. Right. They have a huge interest To sell these apartments for a very high price. A western butler here in china Is still a major selling. It is almost equally as successful here in china As sex. Right. Sex sells. Right? Sex and white people. Sex and butlers sell. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. ♪ Morton: While most of the white jobs I've done so far Have been pretty up front and on the level, There's a gray market for whites in china Where having a white face isn't just a marketing ploy, But a substitute for actual professional credentials. So I'm learning we are in yiwu, Which is a manufacturing hub in china. Um, there's a business fair here And we've been hired as white people and foreigners Generally to go there as interested investors. The truth is, we're all mostly just like people who've been paid a bunch of money And handed business cards with a fake company on them. Oh, here I am. Morton, thomas wilson, ♪ Morton: All right. Time to be businessmen. Morton: With new business identities in hand, We all herded into the trade hall to get businessing. Thank you. So I've got to get these stamped? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just stamped. Okay. That's how I get paid? I get it. Okay. And these are the price labels for the price machine? Okay. I could be very interested in that For my trading company. I could use this to cut my documents. I could use these to, um, secure my cargo. I could use this to count my pills. My business pills. I'm a businessman. Business. Stamps. Awesome. I've got your card. I'll be in touch. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. I can't help but feel a little bit bad taking free stuff from these people Under the promise that I'm gonna land them some big like international trade deal. Wow. Everybody from all over. So you guys are making really good contacts here. Market is mostly europe. Okay, cool. It's sort of shitty for the vendors who come here Expecting to meet a bunch of white people, and then, uh, collecting business cards. You flip through them and you can very plainly tell some of them are fake. Thank you. Thank you. Let's talk. You have my number. All right. Bye-bye. Thanks. Morton: Pretending to be a businessman was easy enough. But there are other professions, though, that are much more difficult to fake, That have, you know, extensive specialized training And which the government regulates the training thereof so that people don't fake it. Professions such as doctors. (applause) thank you. Um, uh, good afternoon. My name is dr. Thomas morton, I'm from new york city. I'd like to welcome to the stage my colleague, dr. David garner. (applause) Morton: David garner is not a doctor. In fact, he's maybe the farthest thing from a doctor on earth. An expat living in beijing, david basically does whiteface jobs for a living. From innocuous gigs like catalog modeling and appearing in instructional phone apps, All the way to the big leagues: Pretending to be a world-renowned medical physician for cash. In this case, a hospital in zunyi has hired a broker To find them a real western doctor to help unveil a new wing of their clinic. The broker, in turn, has hired david. (knock on door) morning. David? Wow, you got the good suite. Hey! How are you doing? I'm okay. Good. I'm sorry, you're pants-less. What's wrong with that? Uh... I've got my, uh, I've got my chummies on. Oh, okay, we're cool then. I'm thomas. Thomas. Great to meet you finally. Good afternoon, sir. Oh. (laughs) that's nice. I slept with my flowers last night. Aw... I deflowered them. You have an extra tie? I do. Anybody know how to tie these things? Um, I do. Really? Yeah. Do you not? Okay. Oh! There's your first assistant job. Okay. Is this your first time, um, doctoring? No. Oh, no? No. You know, amazingly enough, Last year I did one on the exact same topic. Oh, yeah? What's your, um, presentation on? Uh, it is on the treatment And diagnosis of acute proctatits... Oh. Okay. Prostatitis! Prostatitis. So... I should know that. Should that be inside? Yeah. Probably. Yeah. That looks good. How much research do you usually do On this kind of stuff beforehand? Oh, like, none. Has anybody ever tried to, like, call, like test you On medical knowledge or anything? No. Just doesn't happen. So you've never been called out? No. So you could easily make a living off this, Just this. This isn't just like supplementary. Yeah, quite a few people that I know do that. Yeah, it's all they do. I mean, I literally get two or three job offers a day. Wow. Really? Yes. Do you ever feel bad on these jobs? Bad, uh, like... Why? Ethically? Pretending to be a doctor basically? Oh. No. No. It's an acting job. Today I'm a doctor. Great. ♪ Thank you. Morton: All right. What are we doing? Uh, look important. All right. Morton: David's extremely fictionalized medical resume Was plastered on signs all around the hospital. Morton: Where are all these pictures going? Good facility you got. Good work with the erections. Hey, how are you? Good. Lot of fanfare over us white folks. I'm starting to get the feeling they just want us here for the pictures. ♪ Morton: After one last photo op with the mr. Wizard ball, The conference began. (applause) Uh, chronic prostatitis is the most common disease in urology. Um, the the symptoms seem to, uh, are difficult to nail down. So what we, what we're doing is we're experimenting with different methods at diagnosis. What's crazy, or even crazier than the fact that david, A regular dude from beijing, is currently giving a lecture on prostatitis Taken from a prostatitis wikipedia page, Is the fact that all day there have been real doctors in here Giving presentations and the room has been kind of half empty and mostly asleep. Everybody came here to see the white doctor. Okay, thank you very much. (applause) Morton: It's a testament to the stayig power of western culture That we're still a marketable commodity, Even in the biggest country on earth. But it's only a matter of time before the chinese catch up With the rest of the world, and realize that white people Aren't the role models we've been sold as. Until then, though, white people here can basically get away with murde. Or at least malpractice. ♪ Ab, $12.99 is such a splurge for wine. You're spoiling me. Don't, it's your birthday, dude. You deserve a bottle, not a box. I made a reservation and everything and I cannot wait for you to open up this b-day gift. Oh, I'm dying. It's so good. I don't know. 23 is such a nothing birthday, though, you know, like... No. 22, you graduate college. 21, you're suddenly allowed to be an alcoholic. - 20, you lose your virginity. - Right. 19's your last teen year. 18, you get to vote. 17, you get to drive. 16's your sweet 16, 15's your quinceañera. - See? - I guess. 23 was pretty great for me, I mean, it's the year I met you. Really? Oh, my god. Oh, my... - Tree man. - Oh, my damn god. Every time he gets me, every time. He needs a little bell. Or like, a personal triangle he's playing all the time. He could cause a heart attack. For real, though, this wine, this like, pricey, high-class wine is setting up your entire year. If we weren't going to this BYOB, I mean, this would be like, 30 bucks. I know, I love a "BYOB". I love a "BYOF"... bring your own food, or a "BYOS"... bring your own silverware. I'd wash the dishes if they'd let me. This is the exact opposite reason why restaurants exist at all. I mean, why not just eat at home? I don't have a table. You girls are so pretty. You should smile. ♪ Four and three and two and one-one ♪♪ So, I've been spending all morning writing out my will. My dad said it's never too early, and I agree. Ilana, you're only 23, dude. Okay, you know what? My people plan for death, Abbi. I'm Jewish too. Okay, but you're a mainline Jew. New York Jews wake up every day just thinking about how they're going to die. I think about death. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. Whoa, sex is right. Oh, my goodness. You wrote your will on a napkin? I made copies, obviously. Come on. I know, how have I never had... I know! How has it ever... it's always on the table. Hold up... you gave me power of attorney? I need you to be able to fight against my killer or whatever, and then option the rights. I also am looking into a few mutual funds and I'm having some, um... Valuables appraised. Are you (Bleep) talking about the beanie babies? Don't! Stop, I can't even talk about this. - They're... - With the flamingo one? Dude, I can't even... there is still some value there, especially in the ones that like, commemorate events, okay? It's cyclical, the market is cyclical. Maybe you... you don't know about the market. But it's cyclical. You're getting into like, the eBay beanie baby game? Yeah, baby, it's a whole other math game. I've got a math head. All right, listen. Math mind. I'm all for wills. I think it's a good idea even though I think you're very young. But people get crazy about material possessions and it's like, who even owns anything these days anyway? Can you please spare a dollar? - Yeah. - I just wanna to get some food. - Good luck. - Thank you. Yeah. - Appreciate it. - Bless. I hope it helps. Oh, my god, we are... Can I get a buck? Oh, sorry. But you just gave her a buck. We can't give everyone on the block a dollar. Well, actually, you could. You just don't want to. Actually, we couldn't, because we're going to the meat sack and it's a cash-only restaurant. Wow, that must be nice. Okay, we could bring you our leftovers, after. I was gonna have them for lunch... Oh, really? 'Cause that would be so generous of you. Oh, it's no problem. I'm glad we... Okay, he's being sarcastic. Oh. Michelle, party of two. Michelle, party of two. Three, two, one. Okay, you lose. I have a reservation. It's under, uh... You're my next two-top. Great. A'ight? Hope you're hungry. Get the stomach stretched. I cannot wait. I love me some dumplings. It's like a squirrel clutch with a meatball in it. Little Wayne, party of two. Oh, my god, Weezy's here. He is so real. No, that's us. We... are Little Wayne. Oh, you are sweeping me off my feet. Oh, yum. Oh, my god. You can get as many dumplings as you want, okay? Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Wow! Yo, girlfriends. Hey... long time, no freakin' see. Look at you two! Couple of Madonnas, huh? Oh, gosh, so fashion, baby. I love that! - How are you guys? - Yeah. When was the last time we saw you? I think it was at our show... - Yeah. - ...with Elliott. - It was our show choir show. - Yeah. It was a long time ago. Can I ask you, do you live in New York or did you move, because you never respond to any of my Facebook, uh, invites. I get so confused on Facebook. - Me too! - Like, how it works. What are all the numbers and the things? - I know! - I don't know what they go with. - It's kind of change... - It changes fast, the interface. - I'm afraid to click it. - Yes. You know, I'm actually, I'm really kind of sad that you guys missed my last solo performance. Yeah. We're so sorry that that happened. We don't even know you guys that well. Honestly, Chris, I feel like you should give them some of it. You should show them a little bit. Give them a little piece, a taste. Oh, you don't have to do that. - You don't have to. - We're at dinner. I was born the day the Challenger exploded. Honey, no. No, no, no. Do the ending, do the climax. Do "Dear Uncle". Um, please suspend your sense of disbelief, uh, as the lighting here is not good and it's not a theater, but all the world is a stage. Here we go. No, Uncle, please, don't! Okay, so he is on stage, he's fully naked, and he's maximum erect. Uncle, please, don't do it, Uncle! Okay, he's standing on a shredded American flag, little pieces. Uncle, Uncle Sam! He ejaculates! Into the flag. Yes. That's the twist. - It's a bit of a statement. - Yeah. It's like, about currency and politics and government and all that. Um, we can push your tables together and then maybe you can talk a little bit quieter. No, please don't. Excuse me, Sir. That's a great idea! - Yes! - Yes! - Here we go. - Here we go. Beep, beep, beep. Honk-honk, honk-honk. Beep, beep, beep. Hi! This is a good group. Oh, my... holy (Bleep). What the heck? What the (Bleep)? I'm such a klutz, we have to go. Now we gotta go, is what... it is. We gotta... we have to go. - Gotta go, we gotta go. - Oh, my god. I can't be out. I can't be out like this. We have to go, that's... sorry, everybody. I should go home right now. This is never gonna come out! Let's go. Let's do it. Here we go. Wait, you can't leave with an open container. Okay. Okay. We will not do that. You guys know wine is heart healthy, so... - Mm-hmm, and... - Here we go. Just do that. Mmm! Oh... oh, my god. You have a good... California, I can tell. You have a good rest of your night. Sayonara. Bye, you guys. See you guys. I'm sorry, but they are too much. Yeah. Party of five? Scott Wolf? Oh, hey, hey! Where are the leftovers? It was... honestly too annoying. We didn't even order. Wow, too annoying? Must be nice. Must... be... nice. Must be nice! Jeez. I feel bad. You know, runaway teens have it so tough. He probably came out to his family, they kicked him out, so he hopped a boxcar from Oklahoma and now he's turning tricks on St. Mark's. You know, child sex trafficking is all around us. Wigs! Ab, I gotta go get a wig, it's my birthday! All right, you go ahead. I'm going to this Thai place and see if there's a wait. Dope. Everyone's like, "where's Christina, where's Christina?" I can't keep saying you're in the keys at your parents. What do you want me to say? "Oh, my girlfriend moved out seven weeks ago and I'm falling apart and my dick doesn't work anymore, so..." Dude. Christina moved out? Oh. What happened with the wigs? I got distracted by this business guido. Oh... All right. I put our name in. - 45 minutes, we're in. - Whoo! Yeah! Ugh. I feel like every city has a parrot dude. You ever see the guy with the cat on his head? Yeah, wonder if it ever touches the ground. If it does, that would be disgusting. Imagine if those two guys met. I think the parrot would win. God, I have such a wig face. It's not even funny. This is the kind of wig you get buried in. Why would you want to get buried in a wig? It's the last time people get to see you. Yeah, exactly, I want to look dope as (Bleep) at my funeral. It's my last party, you know? I even made a playlist already. It's pretty much RuPaul's "Supermodel" on repeat and I need leather tissues. I also want everyone I've ever hooked up with to just jerk off together. That might bring me back to life. Seriously. Yo, you should be careful. I just want like, a really nice funeral. You know, like, like, on a hill. You know, like everyone would be really sad, like hill funerals usually are? Yeah. Everyone would be crying, maybe even hysterically, but then, then, everyone has to go to six flags, my treat. That is genius! You can't be upset at six flags, you can't. No, no. You can even "Weekend at Bernie's" me, but Ilana, no log flume, for real. How am I going to Bernie you if I'm already dead? No, I'm obviously dying first. No, the husband always dies first. First of all, we're not married. Second of all, I'm the wife? You're the other husband. All right, agree to disagree. A to D. Oh, my god. I am definitely getting this. I am a female and I love to inspect bodies. Yeah, I think that's what that stands for. Me too. I'm getting this because I look like I've been stabbed. I look like I'm mid-death. Challah back, y'all. Challah back, y'all. All right, I'll take this and we'll take these. Wigs are 10, shirts are a buck each. Here you go. Oh, I love St. Mark's. I'm alone! Oh, so sad. Been there. All right, so we can eat as many dumplings as you want... - Thank you. - ...whatever kind. Dude. Yo, yo, yo, that girl just did a tongue thing. A tongue thing? Yeah! Hey, what'd you do? I don't know. Yeah, it was like... No, it wasn't. I just, I was just like, cute... You know, I'm not trying to start a whole conversation. You are seriously beautiful, like, really, really beautiful. No, you are. Whoa! Holy (Bleep)! Hey! Ilana, your gift! Stop him, he took our bag! Drop the bag, you (Bleep). When I catch you, I swear I'm going to rip out your disgusting little ball sack until you (Bleep) throw up your own dick! Damn it! Stop, we're the FBI, bitch! Hey, watch it! Stop that guy! Watch out, watch out! Hey, come on. Hey! My wig! Leave it, leave it! Market, market... go! Split up! Oh! Ass(Bleep). Go around, go around! Oh, (Bleep). Where is he? Oh, my god. He just (Bleep) ran down here, I... Go, there, there! Drop it, you (Bleep) face, I swear I'll rip... come on, (Bleep)hole! Ball sack! Jesus. All right, okay. Yep. Hopefully no one will take that. - Okay. - Oh, I have a lot in here. Okay? Okay. Dude, he's going into a house! - Come on! - All right. Okay, he's getting away. Okay, here we go, I need just one... All right, you got it, and then I just straddled. - This is uncomfortable. - I know. I don't feel like I wanna... You know what? I'm gonna go back down through the kitchen, and I'm gonna be so fast, and it's gonna be so good, and we're gonna get the gift! Can I help you? A guy just ran in here. We were chasing him 'cause he stole my gift. He stole my bag. Call the police. He stole it right out of my hand. He's in here, he's in your house. Please, come in. Okay, uh... Timothy. Can you please come down here? Timothy. That boy lives here? Boy? He's 34 years old. I had him when I was very young. Timothy. Timothy! Jesus Christ. What, mother? Can you explain yourself? Did you just steal something from these girls? Yeah, it was a (Bleep) joke. Chill out. You chill out! Chill out! And get their stuff now. Ugh! Now! I'm sorry. Please, don't press charges. No, it's gonna... it's all right. Ever since he dropped out of grad school, he's, uh, he's given me a lot of grief. I don't know what to do... throw him out, put him on the street. He'd love that. I'm so rude. Uh, would you... Oh. Would you, uh, like a drink? No, no, no. It's fine. It's a soft gift, so it's okay. Timothy! What is wrong with you? I don't know, mom. Why don't you tell me? You're the psychiatrist. Or do I need to make an appointment? Maybe you should. But you can't afford me because you don't work. You love this, don't you? You think I like this? My only son. Having to lie to my friends about what my son does with his life? He's a loser, loser, loser, loser, loser, loser, loser, loser life. Loser. Right, 'cause you have to lie about me but not about anything in your perfect little life. Not about the wine, the painkillers, my father. Do I look like the son of a quarterback? I will... I never asked to be born! Let me tell you something. I'm a very good mother, it's just sometimes... You get a dud! A (Bleep) dud! I'm just going to grab... I'm sorry your son sucks so hard. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We're good, we're good, thanks so much. Thank you so much. - Have a great night. - Appreciate it. You look beautiful, and come back and see me. - Will you come back and see me? - Yes. Okay. Whoo. Jesus. I wonder if they own or rent. Dude, I need to do more cardio. I'm like, sore already. Jeez, you know... Oh, my god! - Tree man. - My wig! Oh, my god. Thank you, tree man. Thank you so much. This is nice. You're like the giving tree in real life. All right! Okay. Hey, hey. You (Bleep) piece of (Bleep). I will (Bleep) car. I will (Bleep). I'm a tree, (Bleep) damn it. I was here first, car. I was here first! - Thanks for the wig. - Thanks so much. Have a good night. This is the best gift ever! This is the most powerful and beautiful blanket since the AIDS quilt. Good. I love pizza, dude. Me too. It's a squirrel sleeping bag, unzipped. Yes, it is. All right, listen. So, my family has a tradition on birthdays where we ask the b-day-ee a couple questions. Are you ready? Ilana, 23-year-old. What have you done this past year that you're proud of? And what are you gonna do this upcoming year? Go. Okay, well... I am proud of the time I saw something and said something. Yeah. I'm proud that I finally felt a prostate. It's tricky. Um... I'm proud that I used a lemon successfully as antiperspirant. Whoo, yes I did, yes I did. Mm-hmm, yeah. And next year, I want to finish a book... reading, not writing. I want to gradually lower my dosage of antidepressants. Oh, I'm in. - Dude. - Let's do it. Okay, how about you? Well, it's not my birthday. Come on, it's... I wanna hear it. Okay. So, this past year, I'm proud that I finally finished "Damages," so good. I really think you need to reconsider TV. - Nah. - Um, what else? I pegged. Like... ow! Really outside of my comfort level. You know. Okay. I finally masturbated above the covers without my eyes being closed. That was a really big journal entry. Um... when I figured out my eyebrows. They're sisters, they're not twins. - Right. - Need to be treated as such. Overwhelming pride. Okay, um, what about next year? All right. I'm going to do one legit pull-up, for real this time. And I really want to keep a plant alive for more than two weeks. You know, I'm going to do that. Ooh, I forgot one. I want to see a mangina from behind. I haven't in years. What? A mangina is when a guy pulls his dick through his legs, it looks like a vagina. I know, I know what a mangina is. What do you mean from behind? Oh. Oh, I don't know. It's just, dick head and balls squishing back there. It's so cute! Okay, I have another one. I want to get one of those really painful massages where there's like, an old Russian woman who like, slaps huge leaves at you while you're like, completely naked. I just feel like I need to feel more of life's pain. I hate pain. I love pleasure. Phil... did you see the mess that Haskell left in the-- what the huckleberry is that? It's Haskell's latest purchase. He managed to buy something I have even less use for than a tanning bed. Enough is enough. You know, just because he came into money doesn't mean he can take over the whole apartment! Excuse me. I'm aligning Mr. Lutz's chakras, and he says your voices are disturbing his chi. Oh, well, the last thing I'd want to do is disturb... [whispering] Mr. Lutz's chi, so... Haskell, get your ass out here right now! All right, but make it quick, because underneath this robe, I am basted like a Thanksgiving turkey. Haskell, we need to talk. Uh, uh, Star, can you excuse us for a moment? Oh, of course, Mr. Lutz. Star is descended from the Goddess Lakshmi. She also works part-time at Target. Look, Haskell, things have got to change around here. You're leaving dirty dishes in the sink, wet towels on the floor, not to mention turning the living room into your own personal amusement park. Yeah, and this fortune teller guy-- he's really freaking me out. All right, I hear you, gentlemen. I, uh, intend to make it right. - Thank you. - Here we go. Little something for your trouble. There you go. Something for you as well. There you are. What do I look like, the guy who works the door at the Booty Palace? Come on, Haskell, we don't want your money. We want a little consideration. And you can start by getting all this stuff out of here. Hey, I live here too, and I can display my possessions any way I so choose. All right, fine. Then let's take a vote. Who here wants Haskell to get rid of all this stuff and stop acting like a pompous tool? I believe the people have spoken. Well, screw the people. I'm not doing it. - The hell you ain't! - Yeah. The brother speaks for me too! What? It just sounds tougher when you-- Haskell, get the stuff out of here. [overlapping shouting] (Holly) Guys. Guys, what is going on? I'll tell you what's going on. Haskell's acting like he owns the place. That's right. He's rude. He's disrespectful. And every time he turns on that tanning bed, it wreaks havoc with my foot spa. Tell me, Holly. Do you think we should have to put up with this? Yes. I invite your, uh, unbiased opinion. You just grazed my boob. Consider it a tip. I agree with the guys. Look, you got to get this stuff out of here and be more considerate. And keep your money, I-- Ooh, a hundy. No, no, no. Fine. I will consider it. Star, heat up the sesame oil! And call Target, tell them you're gonna be late. [upbeat music] ♪ De-do de-do ♪ Do-do-do do-do-do ♪ Do-do-do ♪ De-do de-do ♪ Do-do-do ♪ Do-do-do-do Stuart, do you always have to press the elevator button with your elbow? Those buttons are a teeming colony of mutating viruses. It's a lot of work being you, isn't it? It's exhausting. - Hey. - Ah. Hey, look at this. Haskell got rid of his stuff. Huh. I was gearing up for more of an imbroglio. I'm sorry, a-a whatio? An imbroglio--a messy, complicated argument. Oh. Well, just say that, man. [gasps] Oh, my God! Look, Haskell listened to you. Oh, I'm so glad. I was afraid you guys were gonna have another contretemps. Yeah, all I know is I'm just happy we worked it out with Haskell and reached an agreeable denouement. Yeah, that's right-- I can do snooty. Hey, Haskell! Hey, there he is. What's happening, man? Hi, roomie. I love it when my boys work it out. Oh, I'm so proud of you. Ah, look, I heard what you said, and I took it to heart. The last thing I want is for my newfound wealth to inconvenience you in any way. - Oh... - Thank you. - Which is why I'm moving out. - Huh? Uh, that's right, I found a new residence that's more suited to my new station in life. Haskell, you can't be serious. Uh, here are my keys, and, uh, and this is a check to cover, well... you'll know when you see it. - No, no, Haskell-- - Hey, don't do this, man. - Come on... - Don't do this. It's not without a tinge of remorse. Let me take one last, fond look at the place I called home for four years. Yikes. [door closes] Hey. Hey, breakfast is on the table. Have a seat. Stuart, you set a place for Haskell again. Ah. [scoffs] I keep forgetting. I don't know why. It's not like I miss him or anything. [chuckling] Me neither. Not one bit. As a matter of fact, I was thinking we could do something fun with his room. - Oh. - Like turn it into a man cave-- flat screen, leather chairs... - beer fridge. - Gift-wrapping station? Oh, you'll thank me at Christmas. Hey, guys. - How you holding up? - Oh, fine. We were just trying to figure out what to turn Haskell's room into. That's all you care about? Your friend's been gone three days, and you don't even miss him? - Nope. - Not a bit. Well, I do! I miss when I pop in in the morning, and he's sitting on that couch... or I come home from work, and he's sitting on that couch. There's not much you can depend on in this life except for his ass on that couch! Yeah, well, life goes on. Yes, it does. Oh, I don't buy this act for a second. You guys miss him too. No, we don't. Right, Stuart? [chuckles] Does the moon miss the sun? Of course we do. I saw his shorty robe hanging in the bathroom this morning... I damn near lost it. Let's face it-- we're family. It doesn't work without him. I couldn't bear any of you leaving. [gasps] Guys, you have to go get him back. How? He's the one who said he wanted a place more suited to his new station in life. No, that's just his pride talking! Look, if I know Haskell-- and trust me, I do-- he's sitting on some strange couch right now missing us as much as we miss him. You're right. You're right. He's like a scared little kid who ran away from home and is too stubborn to come back. Mama's comin', baby! Oh, my God, the elevator opens up right into his apartment. He's got no front door. It's like living on the bridge of the Enterprise! Brazilian rosewood floors, Italian marble. [gasps] I can only imagine the kitchen. Okay. Play it cool. Remember, we're here to get him back. Right. [clears throat] Hello, gentlemen. Welcome to my humble little penthouse. So what do you think? It's all right. If you like that sort of thing. Breathtaking view, huh? In the distance, you can see Lady Liberty raising her torch. Unlike our old place where you could see Old Lady Rosenberg asleep on the toilet. So, uh... to what do I owe the pleasure? [clears throat] Well, Haskell, we know you're miserable and you want to come home. [all laughing] Yeah, it's been hell. Ah, I-I have to admit, this place is pretty spectacular. Yeah, it's sick, man! You got no front door! I guess we better go tell Holly you're not coming back. Hey, what's the rush? I mean, you're here. Why not hang out, have a few drinks, enjoy the good life? Hey, you know there's a party tonight at the rooftop pool. I don't hate that. Well, I mean, it is a Wednesday, but, uh, I guess I could put on my party face. Ha! Excellent. Till then, we'll just enjoy our drinks and warm ourselves by the fire. What fire? Whoa! Good morning. Yes, it is a good morning, Haskell. That bathroom's crazy. Flat screen TV, sauna, showerhead with, like, 16 nozzles that hit all the right places. I feel clean... [sniffs] And a little dirty! Mm! Oh-ho-ho. I know that smile. Someone's in love. She's got an eight-burner range, a center island with a prep sink, and a wood-burning pizza oven. That kitchen completes me. Anyway, Haskell, thank you for allowing us to crash last night. Yes. After that second spritzer, I was totally piss-faced. Hey, it's nice living the high life, isn't it? Mm. Wouldn't you like to do it every day? Well, you don't have to rub it in. I'm not. Move in with me. - What? - Huh? Look, I miss you guys. I'm lonely. And what's the point in having a place like this if I can't share it with my best friends? Haskell, are you kidding? We could never afford this. But I can. Just pay what you've been paying, and I'll pick up the rest. You're gonna get a kiss. [Haskell laughs] Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait. What about Holly, right? I mean, she was upset when Haskell moved out. Can you imagine if it was all of us? - Yeah, you're right. - Of course I'm right. - Although... - Although? You got something? For all these years, this woman has been putting us first. What would happen if we weren't there? - It would crush her. - Or... Or--Stuart, there's an "or." Or with us out of the way, she'd be free to pursue her--her life, her needs... her happiness. You're right. We've been holding Holly back. We've been selfish. I don't like me very much right now. Well, then why don't we... do the right thing and put Holly first for once? Gentlemen, do I surmise that you agree to move in? Now, hang on, Haskell. This is still a very big decision. Phil and I are gonna have to talk it over. - Yes. - God, yes. - Yeah! [all laughing] [knock at door] - Coming. Oh, where have you guys been? I thought you were gonna see Haskell. We did. Well, what happened? Did you get him to come back? Sadly, no. Well, why not? He can't be happy in some cold, lonely apartment. Well, it does have its charms-- you know, chef's kitchen, high ceilings. Oh, steam shower with nozzles. [softly] Lots of nozzles. So he's choosing an apartment over us? I can't believe it. But, hey, at least we have each other. - [laughs] - Yes, yes. And that's a good thing... But sometimes too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Why's a good thing a bad thing? Where you going with that? Well, it's funny. Uh, see, while... we were over there, Haskell kind of asked us to move in. Oh-ho! I wish I could have seen the look on his face when you turned him down. [gasps] You--you did turn him down, didn't you? Well, not in so many words. Exactly what words did you use? I don't remember the exact words. It was something along the lines of, um... yes. Wha-- You're ditching me too? Yes, because we love you! Yeah. All these years, Holly, you've been putting us first. That's right--setting aside your needs for us, and we let that happen. - We've been selfish. - Mm. So selfish! Now it's your time to shine. You shine, girl. Wait, wait, okay, so wait. You're doing all this for me, for my happiness? - Yeah. That's it. - Yeah, you deserve it, Holly. That is just the biggest load of crap I've ever heard! You're not doing it for me. You're doing it 'cause you want to move into some big, fancy apartment. You should have just had the balls to come out and say it. At least I would have respected that. You're right. We're sorry. Yeah, we should have told you the truth. Thank you. - Get out! - Oh! There he is, my wealth manager! The man who makes my life worth living! - Hello, Haskell. - Come on in, Arnie! [laughs] How's my money? Let's start with the pie charts. You know, I love the pie charts. - No pie charts today. - What do you got? Haskell, you know when you go to the track and you have a gut feeling about a long shot, so you put a bundle on it? - Uh-huh. - The bell rings, they're off. Your horse is at the back of the pack, but at the clubhouse turn, he makes his move, coming down the final stretch, it's neck and neck until your horse wins by a nose! - Yes! - Well, that didn't happen. You're broke. What? What do you mean I'm broke? Believe me, this was not easy for me to say. That's why I opened with the uplifting racetrack story. What the hell happened to my money? You were supposed to be managing it! You're the one that insisted on a 60% return. Now, while third-world subprime mortgages can be very lucrative, they can also be highly volatile. Now, who knew that the Kazakhstan real-estate bubble would burst? I... I don't believe it! I don't have any money? What am I gonna do? Well, now, as far as this place goes, don't worry. I pulled some strings. You don't have to be out until 5:00. Oh, my God. [panting] I'm weak. I-I'm nauseous. I-I-I've lost all feeling in my arms. I can't lift them. Would you do me a favor and strangle yourself? I think maybe I should say my good-byes. I'm going to leave some cards by the door. Referrals are always appreciated. - Hey. - Hi. Well, it was upsetting, Haskell, but we did it. We told Holly we're moving out. Yeah. And she did not take it well, but on the upside... - we have all of this. - [chuckles] That's right, buddy-- home, sweet home. Magnificent, isn't it? We have to be out by 5:00. "Out"? You mean out so that housekeeping can come put those little mints on our pillows? I mean... out. We have no place to live. I'm broke, busted, penniless. Oh, dear God in Heaven, I'm one of them! I-I don't get it. Haskell, what happened to all your money? Don't ask me that question when I'm 50 floors up! This is all your fault, man. You're the one who seduced us with your steam showers and your heated toilet seats! Yeah, yeah, and your eight-burner range and your pasta faucet. Don't play the doe-eyed innocent with me! Your panties dropped the second you were off that elevator! He's right. He's right. He's right. We-- [sighs] We sold out Holly for an apartment. Yes. But what are we gonna do? Where are we gonna live? We're gonna have to beg her to take us back. After what we did, there's no way she'll take us back. - Although... - He's got an "although." What's the "although"? Although she's upset now, under all those hurt feelings is a warm, caring, compassionate woman. We're [bleep]. Are you okay? I can't believe they're gone. I mean, I knew they'd move on eventually, but I always thought it would be when Stuart got married or... Phil got some big job and Haskell would end up on one of their couches. So I guess you'll be looking for new tenants, huh? Three strangers in here instead of my boys? I can't even think about it. They're such a big part of my life. I don't know how I'm gonna fill the void. At least I have you. Ooh! That's right, I have you! [whimpering] Oh, I have the best idea! Why don't I move in here and you move into my place? - No! - You're right, that's crazy. Let's both move in here together. Yes. Yeah. We'll live together, work together. You'll become my personal project. Uh, uh, or you could take a class or go on a singles' cruise or take a raft down the Amazon. Most people come back. Oh. Hey, Holly. - Hey, Eden. - Help! She's gonna make me fill the void! So you guys came back to get your stuff, huh? Look, Holly, because we love and respect you, this time we're just gonna tell you the truth. Yeah, uh... Haskell lost all his money, and we're here to beg you to please let us come home. Don't lie to me. There's no way he went through all that money. Haskell's smarter than-- [gasps] He went through all his money! Every penny. I want my old room, and if you haven't cleaned up that thing, I could use that check back. Well, welly, well... [chuckles] So you ditch me, come crawling back, expect me to welcome you with open arms? We were hoping. It's too late. I already rented it out. - What? - What? Already? We just moved out. And I moved on. Or did you imagine I was just going to walk around here whining, moping, wistfully running my fingers across the furniture? - Well... - Kind of. I got three great guys coming in here. Ted's an architect. Bob's a neurosurgeon. And Warren's... also a neurosurgeon. And they're all cute and single. You know what? I should thank you guys. Thank you! No, no, Holly, those guys don't belong here. We do. Look, we did a stupid thing, and we're really sorry, but we really did miss you. Exactly what did you miss about me? No matter how fussy or insecure I am, you never lose patience, and you're always there for me. Not bad. You? I know that sometimes I can be a little shallow and... [chuckles] Self-involved... Mm-hmm. But you call me on it, and... that makes me a better man. You're up, Haskell. Holly... I need you now more than ever. You're the only person who never gave up on me. Oh, all right, all right! I'll call Ted, Bob, and Warren. They'll be crushed. I think Ted had the hots for me. - Thank you, Holly. - We don't deserve you. You're the best. And you remember that, 'cause I'm only doing this for you. [upbeat music] ♪ De-do de-do ♪ De-do de-do ♪ De-do de-do ♪ Do-do-do do-do-do ♪ Do-do-do ♪ De-do de-do ♪ De-do de-do ♪ Do-do-do-do (man) Yeah. Acme! [coughs] GOOD-BYE... SEE YOU SOON! What am I doing here? Mr Duvallois? Mr Duvallois, open up. I know you're there. Come on. We have to go. You're not even dressed. Come on. You don't want to be late, do you? - Your class starts in 3 min. - Dr. Blanchot... No, no, no. Positive attitude. Smile. There you go. Now get dressed. Come on! I'll wait in the hall. Come on. Hurry up. Your class starts in 30 seconds. Are all doctors here slave-drivers or am I particularly lucky? You're lucky to get me. I'm conscientious. I told your daughter I'd take care of you. - My daughter? - She's such a dear. Serious, committed. If only all our spa guests were like her. OK, Mr Duvallois. Don't forget... "Positive attitude." You've been saying it for 3 days. It's finally sinking in. Not that way, Mr Duvallois. This way. Yes. Go on. I'm watching you. There. See you later! Down, up. Down, breathe out. Up, breathe in. Listen to your body! Be in sync with it. Keep going. Everyone's got the move down, so let's speed up. Let's go! Speed it up. Down, and up. Faster! Good job, Mrs Lenoir. Perfect. You're progressing daily. Mr Duvallois, push harder. Try. Push all the way down. Yes, it's me. What's going on? You stuck me with a babysitter? I'm not 5 years old. - What are you talking about? - Come on? Dr. Blanchot, stuck to me like glue. - Ring any bells? - Easy, Dad, your nerves. Enough about my nerves. They're fine. It's my stomach! Three green beans a day! You're lucky. You have kids who care about you. I'm sending my kids to Social Services. Bye. How can I help you, Mr Marchal? He has a fever. At least, I think so. I wanted you to check. OK. Let's have a look. I've been waiting for you for 10 minutes. Here I am. Go ahead. I asked for a full-body massage. Yes... Right away. Harder. Harder, harder. Yes... Lower. Lower, lower, lower. No... Lower. Yes. Sure. Harder. Oh, yes... Oh, yes! That's good. Yes. Lower. Hello. - What are you doing here? - It was a misunderstanding. You'll laugh. I was hiding, and this lady... What are you doing here? Get out, sicko! Pervert! - I can explain. - Who is that guy? You seem pretty tense. Madam, calm down. Getting upset won't help. Are you kidding? You want me to calm down? I was felt up by one of your guests, and I should calm down? Do you have his name, or his room number? No, he didn't leave his card. - In that case... - He shouldn't be hard to find. He was a normal-looking man, gray hair, unshaven... He said he was hiding. Henri Duvallois. What's his room number? - 508. - Thank you. Hello? Excuse me. Could you do me a favor? My husband is showering. I left my key in the room. - I need to use the bathroom. - Sure. Thank you. - Thank you. - You're welcome. Thanks for the massage Oh, no! Oh, my scarf! Shit! Sir, calm down. Getting upset solves nothing. Are you kidding? What'll I do now? Can't go to lunch naked, can I? That would be inappropriate. Could you take me to a store so I can buy some clothes? Of course. But it's Sunday. Everything is closed. Here's the check for table 5. Oh, excuse me, sir. Go right ahead, why don't you! - May I? - No! - I'll explain our misunderstanding? - "Misunderstanding?" I had no choice. I was being followed. - "Followed," really! - By a woman. Your wife? No. I've been a widower for 15 years. You're a widower, so women follow you around. Not all women. I said, "a woman." A horrible woman. You're a widower. An awful woman after you, so you go massage a stranger's buttocks? Technically, she's the one who requested the massage. - I just obeyed. - "Technically speaking." So if I asked you to jump out the window, would you do it, technically speaking? Right away. Interesting. I'm really sorry. Can you forgive me? OK. We're even. - Thank you. - I'll dine here. Very well, sir. Thank you. So... - "Lace of green beans." - I highly recommend it. - "Low-calorie peas?" - Hard to digest. Lace of green beans. Watch the portion size. I couldn't finish it all yesterday. - Is she who you're hiding from? - No. We have a class together. You move around in the water, dancing the rumba. Ridiculous. It's a waste of time? Why are you here? Apparently my nerves are shot. How about you? A change of pace. So it's no use asking who you are, where you're from... - No use. - Very well. And you? Who are you? Where are you from? What do you do? If I told you I was a spy, I'd have to kill you. I have to hang on 2 more days. It won't be easy. You've no idea how much you can do in 2 days. Do not disturb I feel like she's watching us. There. Not anymore. I have a present for you. Wait until I leave to open it. Thank you. I have nothing to give you. Yes, you do. You've already given me 2 wonderful days. Whose car is that? Didn't have time to tell you. He arrived without warning. But it's good news. Very good news. I've been talking to him for weeks. I didn't want to tell you until we were sure. Richard. Henri. The good news is that Grandfather agreed to sell us his land at a very good price. Where's Furie? Furie! Who's Furie? His dog. She ran away 3 days ago. But she'll come back. Yes, she'll come back. Charpentier made me an offer for my land. I can't stand him. Worst mayor we've ever had. Have you seen his car? But Charpentier is right: I'm too old to keep at it. Since I've no heir... I have to sell. They aren't your grandkids? I'm still your son-in-law? My daughter deserved better. Charpentier would've been better. You haven't spoken in 15 years. - Try to be nice. - Oh! Stay out of it. You lost my dog and brought this pest home. Shit! "Pest?" I don't know what's with him. Well, guess what this pest has to say. Guess! You're doing better. You look good. Over here, girl. Yes. Look, girl. Look who's here. - Who's here? - Hi, you naughty girl! My naughty girl! You ran away again! What did I do to you? She's afraid now. It's amazing. When I leave the farm, she goes to your house. What did you do? She knows she'll always be welcome. That must be it. Dogs are often more intelligent than men. Did your visit to the spa do you good? Me, maybe. But definitely not the farm. Ah, the farmers who can't leave their farm. When my husband was around, I heard it every day. Don't look so sad. I heard you ordered a new toy. Aren't you happy? At least you smile's back. Excuse me. Yes? Ah, Dr. Blanchot! Thanks for calling back. I wanted to know how his visit went. - Any problems? - Honestly, I'm very disappointed. You have to watch him all the time. He's never happy. He's always like that. Before he left, he stole the painting in his room. And his room was in such a state! Your father didn't try at all. Not at all. Especially the last 3 days. What happened? He didn't answer the door. He stayed in his room. Why? It's a symptom of depression. OK. Thank you. - How can I help you, Mr Marchal? - Chipo. She's a little feverish. I think she has a fever. At least... OK. Let's have a look. It was easier back in our day, eh? Yes. We said what we thought, thought what we said. Men acted like men, with all their flaws, of course, but virtues too, right? And women acted like women. I don't follow you at all. You know, since Marianne died, I haven't really been with anybody. I know. But it's been 15 years now. Yes, but during my 15 years of marriage, I had no reason to be interested in another woman. I know. Now I'm 35 years behind. I don't know how to act when it's serious. What you should say and do, when, what she wants, doesn't want... I'm lost. Since our 1st kiss at age 10, the basics haven't changed. You just have to be honest and sincere. - You think so? - Yes. Talk. Open your heart. Say what you think. I'm sure it'll be well received. What do you want to say? I want to say that... I want to say... I'm too old for this stuff. OK, Jeanne! Thanks for the coffee. See you later. See you later. What are you doing here? I wanted to tell you I spoke with Dr. Blanchot. - The leech. - She's worried about you. She thinks you should see someone. What? I'm fine, I promise. Really? And what's this? None of your business. Enough. I'm not leaving until you explain yourself. I'll explain. Go ahead. I'm listening. It's a painting... that I found in an antique store. I bought it. - You bought it? - Yes. Because I found it... beautiful. - Beautiful? - Yes. Look at it. It's beautiful. That face... That wrinkled face, piercing eyes... looking at us. Looking at me. Are you kidding me? You stole it from your spa room. I know what happened. Stop lying. What's going on with you? What's going on? I'm an adult. I owe you no explanation, and you shouldn't be in my room. Get out! What? Fancy a massage? 06 78 77 51 23 I got the scarf. It's beautiful. Thank you. I wanted to see you too, but I didn't dare call. I thought... It's all I can think about. I've never seen Dad dance before. He's not well. Not well at all. I want you to watch him 24 hours a day. He could have an accident otherwise. - OK. - And you, get off your butt. No. I'm having a teen crisis. I'm not listening. Is he whistling now? Dad, whistling? That's not normal. It's about Dad. - I know. - You do? Yes. - Is it that obvious? - Yes. What'll we do with him? He won't listen. He should see a specialist. A specialist? It's not that bad. It happens to lots of people. It does? Yes. You just have to convince him to take the next step. - He has to agree. - Help him. Encourage him. I've wanted this for years. For years? That's not very nice. What? I'm still a beautiful woman. I'm smart. I'm funny. What are you talking about? - Dad is not in his right mind. - Nonsense. He's in love. He's scared to take the plunge. You have to help him. I must intimidate him. Dad, in love? No. Yes. He told me so. Not explicitely, but he did. Alain, I'm busy. - Dad's at the station with a woman. A what? A woman. High heels, leopard print... A leopard woman? He's embracing her. He's kissing her. - Yes. On the mouth. - Why? Elodie, what do I do? Nothing. Come home right now. No, no. Not that one. That car is the Mayor Charpentier's, the show-off. Mine is over there. Come on. Is something up with Henri? Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm so happy you came. Me too. I love the countryside. Ah! That makes me happy. The land, the quiet, the little birds. All the wide-open spaces! Oh, yes! Everything you see belongs to me. Really? You're a real squire! With a country house surrounding domains. It's not exactly a country house in the Parisian sense. But it's not bad. We're almost there. Oh... You're a... You're a farmer? Yes. Today we say "agronomist," but I'm a farmer, yes. You're not at the office? I took the day off. - Are you going to introduce us? - Yes, of course. This is Lila. Elodie, my oldest daughter. Nice to meet you. She's a veterinarian. Alain, my son, who works with me. And this young beauty is Julie, Alain's daughter. And this is Jeanne, our neighbor and my childhood friend. She's like a sister to me. Right, Jeanne? Hello. And Furie. Where's Furie? Come here, girl! There you are! I don't know what you did. She's taken to you right away. - She got dirt all over me. - It's mud. It doesn't stain. You... You didn't tell me about all this. We didn't talk much about our lives. You didn't really think I was a British spy, did you? No, no. But in your room, there were lots of economic newspapers and your computer was always on the stock market, so I thought... - What? - I... I thought you were a trader or something like that. The price of canola and wheat is very important for us. Yes, of course. You know, it is the 21st century, even in the countryside. Here we are. Come in. So, I'm a farmer. A simple farmer. Are you disappointed? No, no. Not at all. I also like the simple things, no frills. - If you want, I have a guest room. - No, stop it. Are you kidding? OK. My name is Henri Duvallois. I'm a widow. I have 2 children. I'm a farmer. And I also like things that are simple, sincere and healthy. Is that OK? Lila Garfin, no children, single and... I'm a good fashion designer. - Perfect. A woman in leopard print has no scruples. She's a gold-digger. You'll see. She'll steal everything from you. She seemed nice to me. "Nice..." Mrs Fargeot was nice too. Then she stole from her husband and went to Paris. Like Mathilde. A woman in leopard is a woman who cheats. But it's not my father, or my farm. But let me tell you, she won't leave you anything. Well, good luck, kids. - I don't want to lose the farm. - Maybe that's not why she's here. Then why is she here? - What do you think, Elodie? - We don't know this woman. We don't know where she's from. I don't know what she sees in Dad, other than money. Good for Grandpa. We have to find out more about her. You have to diversify, so you reduce the risks. In bad years, if the price of canola falls, we can make up for it with wheat or cattle. You see? That way, we're more competitive. - It's huge. - No. It's not big enough. We need 100, 150 more hectares. Then we'd be in business. - I meant the tractor. - Yes. It's pretty big. Actually, I ordered another one. It's really something. It's a harvester. - Can we go for a ride? - It's not the harvest season. Come on. It'll be fun. Come on! - If you want. You think it's fun? - Yes! Oh, it's great! It's a whole room! - Yes. - Will it hold me? - Yes. It's sturdy. - It's great! It's great! I love it. If they see me driving it in winter, they'll think I'm crazy. Just tell them it was to please a Parisian. Then they'll really think I've lost my mind. - Alain. - This is not good. - What if we get caught? - Shut up and look. What? Stay focused. You're funny. I don't know what we're looking for. Anything that could tell us who she really is. Exactly. Underwear supposedly says a lot about a person. It's like astrology. But I don't believe that. Mathilde would never have worn this. - And she still left me. - Drop those panties and come see. "The scam artist" What is it? An article about an Argentinean scam ring. - Who would cut out such an article? - Yes! Who? Alain, "Who?" A scam artist herself. She has to go. Well, this is appetizing. You'll see. Elodie is an excellent cook. A master chef. Do you all live here? I mean, under the same roof? No. I have an apartment above my office. I just come over for dinner. Every night? So you're single? If no one took care of my father and brother, it'd be a disaster. They're a real ball and chain. They can't take care of themselves. - Don't listen. She's joking. - Really? Other than eggs and frozen dinners, what do you cook? I love to cook. What a good match! But I'm vegetarian. You're vegetarian? But do you eat meat? Well... No. - How about some wine? - Yes. Red. I'll get something good. I wanted to tell you, we're very happy you're here. Yes. It's true. That's very nice. I'm very happy to be here. Your father is wonderful. Dad, "wonderful?" If you need anything, just ask. We know Dad can be a bit difficult. He needs a lot of attention and isn't always easy going. Really? He seems charming to me. Really? "Charming?" Well, good for you. I'm happy he's found someone. It'll take the pressure off me. Excuse me. With animals, it's 24/7, 365 days a year. And all year-round. Same as the farm. That'll be new for you. We're in for a treat. Too bad. I have to go. - OK. Let me know how it goes? - Sure. Have a good night. - What were you talking about? - You. Your children are nice. They're very, very welcoming. Yes, they're very nice. You'll see. Do you think we can work? Really? Why not? It's going pretty well so far. Someone's calling late. Yes, Elodie. Oh, shit! How many are sick? OK. I'm coming. There's an emergency: the cows. I have to go. It's the 1st time someone's left me for a fat cow, but... Go ahead. I'll be back. I hope so. Shut up, cats! Have you seen her in person? And? Is she as beautiful as in the picture? Impressive? I see. When does she get here? It's a long trip. Are the papers in order? Is everything taken care of? When she gets here, she'll change my life. Laugh all you want. I've fallen in love. You can't order that in the mail. No. I really need her. But I have something in the meantime. I'll call you back tonight. - What time is it? - 6:00. - In the morning? - Yes. Who was that on the phone? Oh, that? No one. I have to go back and check on the cows. - Would you like to come with me? - Yeah, yeah. Sure. Can you give me 5 minutes to get ready? Sure. I'll go downstairs and make some coffee. Thank you. - Good morning. - Good morning. - Is Henri here? - No. He left. Oh. Already? Could you take me? No. I'm not with the cows today. But we have a car you can use. - Can I have some coffee? - It's over there. Thank you. - Should I help myself? - Yes. The cups are over there. Thank you. What? You're going to see the cows in those? - Why? They won't work? - Not for the cows. You'll see. It's very easy. You go straight for 3 km. Then, you'll see, there's nothing. Then you turn left. There's a tree. Further down, there's a fence. Inside the fence, there are cows. - You can't miss them. - OK. - Nothing? - Nothing, then left. Nothing, then left. Thank you. Hello, Elodie? I did everything you told me. She took the car. I took her phone, too. This isn't right, what we're doing. It's not nice. What did he say? "Nothing, then left." Well, there's nothing on the left. There's nothing anywhere. The 4 other cows are doing better. No illness. They must've eaten something bad. Check the food supplements and notify the supplier. OK. I'll know more after I get the stool sample results. Dad, what is it? I haven't heard from Lila. She was supposed to meet us. OK. We'll handle it. Keep an eye on them. I'll call you from the office. No! No! What's happening? Shit! Shit! This can't be happening! I don't believe it. My phone! Where's my phone? This can't be. My phone! I don't believe it. Oh, this can't be... This is a nightmare! This can't be! It's all over me! This can't be! I hate the countryside! I'm freezing. Son of a bitch! Lila? I'm so cold. I'm going to die. I'm going to die in the middle of the countryside. Where are you going? I'm trying to find Lila. She's gone. Please! Please! Sir! Wait! Can you take me to the Duvallois' farm? I don't understand. The chickens? Thank you. Where were you? I looked for you everywhere. Did you go back to sleep? The coffee must've been cold. What are you doing? Are you leaving? Yes. I'm not welcome in this house. - Why do you say that? - Oh, enough already. Your son sending me to Timbuktu, a car that just happens to break down, and my phone going missing... It's more than a coincidence. I don't understand. Your phone was under the bed. Here it is. Why did I come here? What did we think would happen? All I know is that I'm happy you're here. I'm happy with you. I want to spend time together. You call this "spending time together?" That bodes well. You're not that into it. It's obvious. I just had a problem with the cows. The cows, the chickens... They're easy to blame around here. What do you want me to do? Henri, look at yourself. Look at me. You and me, we were a fling. A nice fling. It ends here. If that's how you see things, that's that, then. - Can I take you to the station? - I'll call a taxi. I'm sorry about everything that happened. It was Aunt Elodie. She's way paranoid. She's convinced you're here to swindle Grandpa. To do what? To swindle him? Did she get dropped on her head? I don't need to swindle people. I work. I work in fashion. Fashion? That's cool. It's like the countryside. It only looks cool. Anyway, Elodie is not the problem. None of you think I could handle living here. Right? Isn't that it? All I know is that... My mom was from the city. After 7 years with my dad, she left and went halfway across the world. OK, but you can't generalize based on one person. - Honestly, I think you're cool. - Well, I am cool. It's your 3rd one, Henri. Are you sure... Oh, Henri! We missed you at the town council meeting. We haven't seen you in 3 weeks. Can you pour me one? Leave me alone, Charpentier. Well, "missed" is a manner of speaking. Because when the opposition isn't there, it's easier. Do me a favor, Stéphane. Go bother someone else. Maybe you have better things to do. A girlfriend, is that it? A real looker, I've heard. Is she French? Ukrainian? Apparently there are tons of Ukrainians, on the Internet, who will do anything to leave their country. You know who came to visit me? Your father-in-law. I think I'll have better luck with his land than his daughter. He wasn't happy you brought that little Russian whore here. It didn't honor the memory of his darling little girl. Oh! That's enough! Go home! You've done enough for one night! Go! Go home! Get out of here! You shouldn't have done that, Grandpa. Why? Everyone hated it. But you liked it, didn't you? If you did, you shouldn't care what other people think. - How old are you now? - No one's noticed, but I'm 16. Did you love her? What a question! Are you in love with her or... or was it just like people in the village are saying, a fling? It wasn't a fling. Does she know that? Did you tell her? When the cows got sick, I didn't have time to see her. Stop complaining. You sound like Dad. If you love her, fight for her. Start by telling her. - Are you sure you're just 16? - Go see her. Talk to her. I don't even know where she lives. If I call her, she won't answer. I don't know where she lives, but I know where she works. Will you excuse me for a minute? I won't be long. Is Dad there? He's not answering the phone. He just left. I think he'll be gone a few days. Where did he go? To look for Lila. Oh, no! I don't believe it! OK. What's wrong with this macaw? I think he's been losing a lot of feathers. - Losing his feathers? - Yes... He still has some left. - Hello. - Hello, sir. Hello. I'm here to see Lila Garfin. I'm... Great! She's been expecting you. Please, come in. I'm Erica, Lila's assistant. This is Anne, our financial director. It's a pleasure to meet you. Emmanuel, our shop manager. I'm so happy you could make it. - We didn't think you'd come. - Yes. Astrid. We're so happy to see you. It means so much to Lila. That's our marketing and development director. I have to introduce you to... Uh... introduce you to... He's a genius with patterns. She's exaggerating. Nice to meet you. You know, Lila's happiness depends on you. - He's perfect. - Are you coming? - Yes. Wait here 5 minutes, while I tell Lila you're here. Have a seat. Would you like something to drink? - Champagne? - At this hour? No, no. OK, champagne. Shit! Not bad, huh? Excuse me. François Roussel is in your office. Everything's fine. He's wearing one of our scarves. Isn't it great? Great. Did you look at my sketches? Yes. You're way off the mark, but I fixed them. Will you take a look? I need a signature. It's urgent. Come here. What's he doing? Wait. Excuse me. Wait, Anne. Excuse me. I'll finish it later. Can you come back? Thank you. What are you doing here? Why did you come here? I'm attached. I can't break free. Listen, Henri, we already talked about this. You and I are too different. Lila, I'm really attached. I don't believe it. - I don't believe it. - Do you have the key? Why did you come here? Please, give me the key. Answer me first. I came because, since you left, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I don't know what to do. I'm withering away without you. When you're there, I feel like I'm alive again. That's very nice, but who was the girl you were waiting so impatiently for? What girl? Stop it! Don't pretend you don't know. Your phone call, the other day, at 6am. Your new love. It's not a girl. It's a new piece of farm equipment. They're behind on the delivery. Don't treat me like a fool. Lila, I swear, I was joking on the phone. In all these years, I haven't been with many women, and none of them made me feel the way you did. None of them. There were none I wanted to follow the way I want to follow you. I know we're worlds apart. We're so different, but... I don't want to lose you. I know we can work. - Farm equipment, huh? - Honestly, an atomic bomb. That's why... You see. Will you give me the key? - Excuse me. We have a problem. - What? I just spoke to François Roussel on the phone. The real one. - He's not coming today. - OK. And Roberto already started the shoot. That's for tomorrow! He's going to New York tomorrow. He wanted to take the Concorde. - That hasn't flown for years. - He's mad as hell about it. Higher. Lower. Stop! Higher. Stop. A little lower. Think about making love. Make love to the camera. Make love. Give it to me! Give it to me! Is this your first shoot? It can be surprising if you're not used to it. What an idiot! What's he talking about? Smile. The hair. Be a woman. Roberto is one of the nicer ones. They're artists. They're under a lot of pressure. You have to give it to me. You're giving me nothing. Give me your high-paid ass! You have to give it to me. Don't look. I'm the one who looks. Higher. I'm not a midget! It's shit. I'm asking you to pose, that's it. This girl's decided to ruin my day. "I..." nothing! I'm just asking you to pose. You look like spaghetti sauce. It's impossible. That dress is shit! It doesn't catch the light. It looks like a potato sack. No, Roberto, the dress is great. You're doing a great job. Everything is fine. You want to teach me to do my job? Who are you? That dress is shit! Calm down, Mr Artist! It's fine, Henri. Everything is fine. It's nothing. - What's this thing? - This thing will knock you out if you can't speak nice to ladies. - Henri, it's fine. It's the stress. Is he John Wayne? Uh... Everything is fine. What? I'm the one who's ridiculous here? No. That won't work. Makeup! Hair! Touch-up! We have to do it all over. - Surprise. - What are you doing here? I heard the shoot was happening. I wanted to be here with you. Wait. Not here. Not in front of everyone. We don't need to hide anymore. It's over with Hélène. - Who's that? - Charles Montagnac. Director of the Marsac Group. I broke up with Hélène. He owns 51% of Lila's company. And he's been her lover for the last 2 years. - Stop it, please. - What? - Not here. - This is my company. I need a few days to sort things out. - Please, leave me alone. - Are you kidding me? You're the one who came back to me, who said we were made for each other, weren't you? - Was that all a joke? - Yes. - Yes? - No. It wasn't a joke. It's just... I'll explain later. Please, it's not a good time. Out of the way, workers! Out of the way! Please leave. Don't stay here. Don't stay here? I'll leave then. Did you cut your hair? Without telling me? What an idiot! - Can I call you a taxi? - There's no need. Are you leaving already? Who was that guy? It's... It's complicated. It's... He's the one I was trying to get away from when we met. We broke up, but now... It's complicated. If it's complicated with him, what does that say about us? Were you looking for a country house for weekend getaways? - Henri, please. - It's fine. Lila, you're right. What we had was a great fling, but it can't work. So, good-bye. Please, Henri. Wait. Let me explain. You stay in your world, I'll go back to mine, and everything'll be fine. It's fine. Furie! Here, Furie! Over here! Here, Furie! Furie! Here. Here, girl. Come on. Come here, Furie. A good meal: a man doesn't need anything else to be happy. - Right, Henri? - Well, I'm glad you're happy. You ate well. You drank my whisky, you drank my wine. You smoked my cigars. So how about we get down to what you came to discuss? My land. The sale. Yes, your land. Did you really offer it to that asshole Charpentier? Yes, but as long as nothing's been signed, nothing is final. Answer my question about women. - I don't see the connection. - I do. Marrying my daughter without my consent was one thing. Handing you my land while you tarnish her memory with the 1st Parisian you find is quite another. You haven't changed. You want to decide who I can or can't see. You haven't changed. Come on, make peace. It's a deal. - Did you see how I calmed him down? - What? Grandfather. What, "Grandfather?" Oh, when there are cookies, then you remember me! You don't want to keep her? I don't know what's gotten into her. She's always over at your place. It gives us a chance to chat a bit. It doesn't happen that often, especially with your family there. What do you think my husband and your wife would say, if they could talk to us from up there? I don't know. I don't think Marianne liked you much. I don't know why. - She was afraid of me. - Afraid of you? Why? - Don't you see? - No. - Really? - No. She knew I had feelings for you and that I wanted you back. - Isn't that something! - Don't tell me you didn't know. - Yes. Yes, yes. - Henri... We were meant to be together ever since we were little. I never should've married Eric, or you Marianne. I love you, Henri. I love you, and I want you all to myself. I want you to myself, Henri. Jeanne. Whenever you want to talk to someone, you come to me. I'm the only one who listens. You love me, Henri. You love me, but you won't admit it. Even your dog knows you love me. Look. She knows my house is her house. - Yes, yes, yes... - Henri. Yes, yes... But no. No, Jeanne. No, Jeanne. Come on, Jeanne. Come on. Jeanne, you're my childhood friend. You're like a sister. I never thought of... - Like what? - Like... - Like a desirable woman? - Yes. Jeanne, come on! You're something. Come on, it's no big deal. OK. Should I leave you the dog? Yeah. The dog... Scandal in haute couture. Lila Garfin, the founder of Création Elle, has just been fired by the Marsac Group. The reason: a complaint for stealing designs lodged by Erica Lamarche, her assistant. The Marsac Group's reaction shows the accusation is serious and undoubtedly true. Shouldn't we tell him? Why? To rub salt in his wounds? To bring the Parisian back? No. If she comes back, Grandfather won't sell us his land. OK, but what about Dad? He's moved on. There's no use dragging him back into it. - You want to keep it to yourselves. - Right. We won't tell him anything. - Dad, do you have anything to say? - I think that... He thinks what I think. Case closed. What case is closed? Nothing. Something that has nothing to do with... We have something to show you. Henri! Where are you going? I was going to go get you. Come on. I didn't steal from anyone. And certainly not from Erica. And she's a terrible designer. So where did these accusations come from? Charles's wife. She's the big boss. She runs the Marsac Group. So when she found out us... Why don't you tell the press? - You could tell them the truth. - Because it's no use. The Marsac Group owns 51% of my company. And I'm fired. The last few days have been hard. I felt like I'd lost everything. Then I wondered what I'd lost. I have no husband, no kids. My job is my life. I always put it first. And what happened? I was betrayed by the people I sacrificed everything for. I messed practically everything up. I'm here now. I'm glad you came back. Is this a joke, Dad? No, it's not a joke. She's a pure Parisian. She'll never last. Dad, it didn't take long for Mathilde... We're tired of hearing about your ex! Lila has nothing to do with Mathilde. Grandfather was clear. If she's here, he won't sell. Never. He can't tell me what to do. No one can. Listen, you're right. I'm from the city, and... I'm out of my element here. I'm scared of animals, and I get hay fever. I know nothing about farming. That's all true, but I'm willing and ready to learn. And I want to be useful, and be with you. Really? What do you want to do, specifically? You can't do anything on the farm. I can't do this. You can't just stand there behind me. It's stressful. I feel like you're judging me. That I'm judging you? Not at all. Fine. If you've nothing to do, can you help me? Oh, no! I don't want to help you. I want everything to be perfect. Don't worry. Everything will be fine. Mathilde cooked for me, too, in the beginning. Dad! I didn't mean anything by it. Here. You know what? Tonight, let's all change. We're going to look nice. OK? This looks nice. You couldn't find anything nicer to wear? No. How about you? No, no, no! No TV tonight. What do you mean, "no TV?" Not the news? No. Let's try to have a nice evening. Let's try to talk, like a real family. Talk? What'll we talk about? Lots of things. You don't usually talk? Well, no. I don't have anything to say. I'm sure you do. I'll be right back. She's great, isn't she? The TV thing was a bit much. Stop it. Here you go. I made you one of my specialties: beef stew. You see, Dad. There's meat. No, it's my version. It's vegetarian. - No beef? What's in it then? - Stew. Will you serve us, Alain? No meat, no TV, and now I have to serve everyone. Be careful with your costume. We're in for a treat. It smells good. That goes in the bedroom, upstairs. That goes in the studio, by the bedroom. - Those are... - Books. In the bedroom, upstairs. OK, go ahead. Give it to me. Grab it from below. Careful! See that, Furie? It's fancy. Be very careful. They're Janouchkys. - Janouche-whats? - Chkys. - What are they for? - Nothing. They're art. "Nothing will change." We'll see. Are we almost there? - Where are we going? - Trust me. Here we are. Hang on. Here it is! Oh, wow! She's beautiful. Oh, my! So this is my rival? Yes. I couldn't resist. I see. I can't compete. She looks good. Well, I don't fall in love with just anyone. With her, we'll work 2 or 3 times faster, which we'll have to do, if we get Richard's land. - Who's Richard? - My father-in-law. He's ready to sell us his land. Then we'll really be competitive. I'd like to meet your father-in-law. That's not a good idea. He's disturbed. Want to go for a ride? I thought it wasn't the season. Let's go crazy! I'm here. Dr. Duvallois, I... Grandfather? What are you doing here? Don't call me that. I hate it. Are you going to let me in or leave me here to rot? Excuse me. I'll be right back. Come in. Give me a break. So it appears you've all adopted the Parisian. She's fine, Grandfather. I swear. She's really trying, and she makes Dad happy. So it's true. She's living with you all? Not for long. Just for a few days. Are you lying to me? La Buisson saw a moving truck with Paris plates. It unloaded everything. What was that? La Buisson always exaggerates. No, no. It's temporary. She's not going to stay. She just needed a change of scene. Change of pace? The country air is good for what she has, poor thing. Why? What does she have? She's tired. She's depressive. She's on the verge of a breakdown. Life in Paris is not easy. - People break down. - Of course. She's doing bad, bad, bad. No, hang on. What kind of illness does she have, exactly? She has a disorder. A bipolar disorder. She doesn't know where she is. She's lost all her bearings. Is she a little crazy, sometimes? Yes! You could say that, yes. Oh, wow... It's no coincidence Dad met her at the spa. You know, "hello" leads to "how are you"... But she's here to rest. - That's it. - That's it. So for the sale, are we... As soon as the papers are ready. OK. That's good. But what I told you about her depression, breakdown, craziness, etc., that stays between us. You know me. I'll take it to the grave. - OK. OK, OK. - All right... It's beautiful. You don't miss life in Paris, the fashion shows? No. Not at all? Not at all. Not at all, at all? I'm going crazy. At night, I dream of steaks. Big, juicy steaks looking at me, taunting me. When I try to catch them, they disappear. Quit it. - She's a good cook. - Yeah, but I need meat. And the TV! No more TV. Are we being punished? I saw old man Richard. I had to lie to him so he'd sell. What did you do? I told him she was manic-depressive. - What? - I had to improvise. Don't tell Dad, OK? Old man Richard told me he'll keep quiet. You're back at it. I knew it. - You couldn't help yourself. - It has nothing to do with that. What is it? Who's it for? None of your business. For me? None of your business! Leave me alone. You're distracting me. Let me see. Turn around. - It's great. - It's too nice for me. "Too nice for me." What does that mean? You can't be pretty? Look at me. You can top it off with a little makeup. - There. You'll be beautiful. - Really? Enjoy. Have fun. Be pretty. Come on, come on, come on! - They don't look good. - It's a team of vegetarians! - Dad. - Yes, dear. Dad, look. Did you see? - What's that? - Lila made it. The girls at school will go wild. You think you're going to school dressed like that? Dressed like what? Like... I don't know. Go ahead, say it. Like what? Well, like... - Like a woman. - I am a woman. You couldn't say, "You look pretty, honey?" Sweetie, you're not a woman. You're my little girl. And you don't need all that. You're fine the way you are. If you go out like that in town, I'll be ashamed. You, you, you. What about me? - Julie... - I can do what I want. I'm 16. I should be thinking about being pretty, having fun. I like this dress. You can't do whatever you want. Go change. - I'm your father. Go change! - I can't believe this! You've never acted like a father. Oh! Richard. To what do I owe the pleasure? - We need to talk. And the 1st time you do, you're a pain in the ass. Well done. Julie! Hypomanic episode with psychophysical hyperactivity. What are you talking about? Come in. Are those your passport photos? - What do you want? - To apologize. You, apologize? That would be a 1st in 40 years. Why's he circling like a chicken with its head cut off? Julie was never like this before. Lila infected her. I've read a lot about bipolar disorder. It's hard being crazy, but it's not contagious. What are you talking about? If I'd known, I never would've made the dress. It's not you. It's me. I'm so stupid. I'm always being pushed around. Stop being down on yourself. OK? You're not stupid. - Julie! - Leave me alone! Since when do we lock our doors in this family? - Leave me alone, Dad. Julie, open up. Or... Or what? You'll break down the door and hit me? I'm sorry. I got scared. Seeing you dressed up reminded me of your mother. When she got sick of being in the country, she started dressing differently too. She changed her hair. And she left me. It wasn't because of the country, Dad. It was because of you. You're spineless. You don't know what you want. Mom didn't have a husband. And I need a real dad. Lila is not manic-depressive. Where did you get this nonsense? I know everything. Your Parisian is bipolar. Anyone home? She's a little crazy. - Who told you that? - Your daughter. Elodie? Why would she have said that? Elodie! What? Making me believe such nonsense! And using my granddaughter to trick me! How dare you! Richard, I'm telling you, it's a misunderstanding! You'll pay for it. And you know where you can stick my land? - I need a word with you! - Me? I didn't do anything. I just wanted to speed up the sale. It's his fault too! Leave me alone! I don't want to talk to you. - I forbid you from leaving! - What? Since when? Why did you tell Richard that Lila is depressive? - Why? - What? What did you do? I did what I've always done since Mom died. I'm trying to keep this family together. - You're not helping! - I want a happy family too. But look at us. A widower, a divorcee and an old maid. - That's what we are. - Oh! An old maid? That's what you'll become if you keep this up. That's horrible. Elodie, Elodie! What a temper. Everything's fine. Let me explain. It's no big deal. I'm sorry. I destroy everything I touch. Even your daughter is telling people I'm crazy. It's true that since you came, nothing has been the same. I'm a walking disaster. You could lose your farm because of me. Yes, I could. I should leave. It'd be better. Yes, perhaps. Uh... Before you leave, can I ask you a question? Will you marry me? Why? Because I love you. Why? Because you've brought life back into this house. What are you saying? Everything's gone to pieces. Exactly. We're not robots anymore. It's better this way. What about your farm? We'll see about the farm. My only wish is to be my wife's husband. I had an idea. There's... a little shop for sale, in town. You don't have to if you don't want to, but I thought the type of dress you made for Julie would be a hit. There aren't many designers around. You know, competition... You want to marry me, but I have to work? Yes. We're modern in the country. The woman works. - Yes. - "Yes," what? Yes, I want us to get married. Ah! All right then. Here. I'll butter us some bread. That'll lighten the mood. - You know what else I want? - No. To reconcile this family. That won't be easy. Hello. OK. I'll sit down, if you insist. So you're the famous Richard? Yes. Why? What did you expect? No. You're perfect. You're exactly as I imagined. Friendly and pleasant. Don't mock me. Are you the gold-digger come to destroy my family? Richard, we don't know each other, but you know what? You remind me of my grandfather. You're exactly like him. Surly, set in his ways, and grumpy. But deep down, he had a heart of gold. He loved his grandchildren. Don't try to win me over. Did you come here to talk to me about your granddad? No. About Henri. As the head of the family, Henri is pathetic. That's your opinion, but I think you don't really know each other. I wanted to talk to you about me. Me and the family we could be, if you'd have me. That's all I wanted to say. It was a pleasure to meet you, Richard. See you soon. - Thank you. - Have a nice evening. Good-bye. You look tired, honey. You're working too much. Are you lecturing me? The old maid isn't in the mood. No, no. That's not why I'm here. I came here to apologize. Apologize? For what? I think Lila is really good for me. Thanks to her, I realized... I haven't been a very good dad all these years, since your mom died. Since Alain was my successor, I put him to work right away, and you took care of everything, and was blind to all that. I don't think it made you very happy. And I regret that. Why didn't you ever tell me? Because I'm stubborn. A stubborn hick. What will we do about the farm? The farm's not important. What matters is us, that we're happy, together. Yeah. You're right. I can't talk right now. I'm with a patient. I'll call you back. Hope I'm not bothering you... Invite me to dinner so we can get this over with. - Would you... - Yes. Tonight at 8pm. Well... OK. Um... - Yes. - Very good. See you tonight. Here's your coffee. - Hi, gang. - Hello. - Mr Mayor. - How are you? Fine. Sale agreement, signed, and a big check ready for your bank account. What time we've wasted. Our land and our families should've united a long time ago. Are you talking about my daughter? She should've married me. It would've been easier. You wouldn't have made her laugh. What? I remember, my daughter loved to laugh. That's how it is, my friend. What's wrong with him? Let me talk, for once. You can't sell your land to Charpentier. He's a complete moron. He's the stupidest mayor in the Charente. If you sell to him, you'll look stupid too. That's the 1st thing. Second, if you don't like Dad, that's your problem. I don't care. But your daughter was our mother. You can't punish us. So here's what I propose. Don't sell your land to Dad. Sell it to your grandchildren. Then you won't look stupid. What do you say? I stunned him. I stunned the old man. Now he knows who he's dealing with. He looked at me, totally stunned, tore up the contract, and left. That's it. We got his land. Yes! I love you, Dad. There's only one thing left to do... - Give me the camera. - The camera? You forgot it in the car? You're such a pain! Hurry up before they get here. I have to do everything. And the rice? Where's the rice? Julie, you have the rice. Come over here. You're all asleep today. I have to do everything. It's fine. Don't stress out. - Here. - Julie. Who's that girl you were talking to? Céline? Lila's cousin. - Do you like her? - No! - I'll introduce you. - Stop it! - Come on. - Stop it! Céline, this is my dad, Alain. - Hello. Alain. - Nice to meet you. - He's single. - Stop it! You're the cousin from Paris? That's funny, because Mathilde... From Paris, in Paris? - Yes. - Yes, of course. So, you, and the countryside... It has its benefits. - Do you like the countryside? - I love the countryside. - Is the dog celebrating too? - Yes! She's coming to the party. I recognize her. That's Furie, Henri's dog. - Now she's mine. - Everything works out. You'll be alone with the dog. Did you see the married couple? You'll be jealous, eh? - Why would I be jealous? - I don't know. You could be. I'm not. I'm getting married soon. - To who? - Charpentier. Oh, the idiot? Yes, but the mayor. When you want something, you'll have to go through me. Oh, no... Have a nice time, Richard. Did you stop at the horse track? No, no. I can't do everything. I need help. Honey, breathe. I don't have time to breathe. I'll breathe later. There they are! Everyone gather for the picture, please. This way. - Very good. - Get closer. There. Ready? I'll take another one. Smile! Yes. Very good. You're very handsome, Dad. Perfect. What's that over there? That's our limousine. - Do you like it? - I love it! Nice, isn't it? Just married Just like I dreamed. Great! Can I get in? - Yes. Come on. Let's go. - Shall we get in? Oh, great! - Do you like it? - It's wonderful. - Can I drive? - No. No. - Not a good idea. - It's OK. I have my license. - No, Lila. Quit playing around. - Watch me. Stop! - Here we go! - No, not like that. Like this. Watch. You don't have to make the noise. There you go. - Is it like this every day? - Yes. - On Saturday nights, do you go out? - No. Saturday nights, we sleep. In bed at 9pm, up at 5 am. Every day. Subtitles: Eclair Media - I'm fine. - I don't think you are. I'm fine. It's been two days. Are you talking to somebody? You need to talk about it, what happened to you, to someone. You need a... War buddy. Even the biggest, baddest Navy Seals have war buddies. I'm not there... at the talking stage. I'm just tired, so I'm resting. - Resting? - Yes, resting. - Uh-huh, not working? - No. Look, 'cause you're the kind of person that would do that... - This is it... - Dive back into work like nothing ever happened. I'm in bed right now, and I'm pretty sleepy, so... Okay. If you are resting, I guess I'll let you go. I'll call you tomorrow. - Olivia. - Chief Connors. Thanks for coming down. I heard you weren't available. Wasn't sure I'd get you. What's his name? Brandon Parker, 17. Matched the description of a suspected shoplifter a couple blocks away. Officer stops to question him, kid pulls a knife, officer shoots him... well within his rights and now we've got a dead black kid put there by a white police officer. You need me to handle the optics? I run a clean force. The last thing I want is a riot that sets my city on fire. How long has the body been here? Half an hour. Waiting for the coroner. The coroner needs to get here fast. You need to move that body out of the street as soon as possible. We are four short blocks from the Capitol, within the shadow of the White House. One misstep... Bring me the cop who shot my son! - Sir, I need you to put that down gun. - We need some backup down here. - Tell your men to stand down. - I can't do that. - Chief Connors. - Where's Mitchell? Mitchell! - Chief Connors. - Widen the perimeter. - Bring me the cop who shot my son. - Get those gawkers back as far as possible! Every one of these bystanders has a cellphone with a camera built in. You shoot that man, you'll be famous worldwide in under 10 minutes. I'm not leaving until you bring me that cop. - Put the gun down, Sir. - Come on, Connors. No! Lower your weapon... now! Sir! Sir! Mr. Parker! Name's Clarence. Hi, Clarence. I'm Olivia. I'm here to help you. I thought we could talk. - Are the one that killed my son? - No, Sir. Then I don't have anything to say to you. I understand you want answers, but without access to the crime scene... Crime scene? One of them murdered my son. How do you think cops who murdered my son are gonna handle the crime scene? The Attorney General of the United States is a friend of mine. If I can get him down here to oversee the investigation, make sure the evidence stays intact, make sure everything's handled properly, is that something you would be interested in? You can get the Attorney General of the United States - down here? - I can. Who are you? Olivia Pope. I can get the Attorney General here. I can, but I need you to hand over the gun first. No. Mr. Parker! No one gets my gun. Cop shot a kid. Father just showed up with a shotgun, won't let the cops near the body until he talks to the officer who killed his son. You need one of my A.U.S.A.S down there? I promised him you, David. I'm the Attorney General of the United States. You can't just promise me to people. You need to come down here. I don't think you understand how bad this is. And I don't think you understand how the law works. - I have a meeting. - David! So, the question is, can we replace the vice president? Unfortunately, the constitution doesn't cover the incapacitation of a vice president, which leaves you with two options, the first of which is impeachment for high crimes and misdemeanors. We can't impeach him. How would that look? With all due respect, Mr. President, the man did try to overthrow the United States government. Which no one would believe now that he's a pumpkin. Which leaves the second option, section 2 of the 25th amendment, which says that whenever there's a vacancy in the vice president's position, the president can fill the post. We can argue that, even though he's alive, this is essentially a vacancy. It's a reach, but I think it's doable. - Then go do it. - Yes, Sir. In terms of a replacement... What do you think of Abernathy or Bascombe? You promised the world a bold second term, not two more scoops of vanilla. I am tired of my vice presidents trying to overthrow me. Those two are loyal, competent... and as old as the hills. They're one cigarette away from joining Andrew in the stroke ward. Mellie's next. I promised her. She doesn't need the competition. Do you know what an uphill battle it's going to be for Mellie to go from being first lady to being president? Call Bascombe and Abernathy. I want them both vetted. There's an awful lot of cops. We need them to keep these people back. It's for their own safety, Olivia. - The man's got a gun. - Yeah, but he's not gonna shoot them. These people are his neighbors, his supporters. They're the last people he's interested in hurting. - Can't take any risks. - Olivia Pope. Assistant U.S. attorney Ellison from the Attorney General's office. - I asked for David Rosen. - He sent me. - How can I help? - You can get me David Rosen. He's not available. Mr. Parker! - Damn it. - Who's that? Can I come over there? Neighborhood activist. He's given us trouble before. - He can't. - Sir, get back here! Sir! My name is Marcus Walker. - Sir, you need to stay back. - I'm using my cellphone to record everything that's happening right now. You will not shoot me! You cannot shoot me! You're being recorded! - Get him out of there! - I need to go in. I can't let you do that, Olivia. Chief Connors, I can take care of this for you, but I need to go in. Tell your men to stand down and let me go in. Stand down! Excuse me. Can I help you? - Marcus Walker. - Olivia Pope. - I'm sorry, but you can't be out here. - Mr. Parker is my neighbor. He drove me home from the hospital when I was three days old. We really need you back by behind the tape. I want Marcus to stay. Mr. Parker wants me to stay. Okay. Mr. Parker, I called in that favor. See that woman down there? She's with the Justice Department. She's gonna oversee the investigation, make sure everything is done by the book. - You said you could get the Attorney General down here. - I know. - I did. But I spoke with him directly... - Do you mind if I ask who hired you? And Ms. Ellison is authorized to handle this. You now you have the support and oversight of the federal government, but you're going to have to put the gun down now. Let us take your son out of the street, have him looked at by the medical examiner. Who hired you? She's helping me out, Marcus. Helping you and cashing a check from the Washington Metro police? Impressive. What's the going rate for playing both sides? I'm working to defuse the situation, to get to the bottom of what happened, to give Mr. Parker what he wants without any more violence. Well, that's your first mistake, thinking this situation needs to be defused. She's telling you to trust her, yet she couldn't deliver on the only thing she promised you. Mr. Parker, put the gun down and come with me. That's the only way this works. I brought this for you. Just want you to be comfortable. Because if you leave here, if you put that gun down, you're giving up on the only power you'll ever have in this situation. And she wouldn't be here unless you had lots of power. I'm not the enemy. Are you sure? Mr. Parker. In case it rains or something. I want him to be protected... From the elements. Good for you, baby! That's right! I said, "can you hear me?" Yes! Can the DCPD hear us? Yes! Can the caring, thoughtful citizens of these great United States hear us? Yes! Tell me who I'm dealing with. Marcus Walker, neighborhood activist. Born and raised in the Rosemead District of D.C., graduated with honors from Georgetown. Hosts a popular podcast on civil rights, runs a job-placement program for at-risk kids in southeast D.C. We speak for Brandon Parker! And we ask, when will the people we pay to protect us stop gunning us down in the streets? ! What about Clarence? Bank clerk for the past 22 years at RBHayes. Uh, record clean, taxes paid, shotgun is registered. Raised Brandon by himself after his wife, Janice, died 12 years ago from breast cancer. Brandon was supposed to graduate from high school in June, had a part-time job delivering supplies for a hardware store on the hill. Brandon deserves answers! His father, Clarence, deserves answers! We demand answers, too! Will we leave this corner without those answers? No! Let Brandon Parker hear you! No! Stand up! We fight back! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Protestors joining Clarence Parker, calling for justice in the wake of Brandon Parker's shooting by police officers late last evening. All of this, of course, happening only about a mile away from the White House. It's clearly a local matter, and as such, is being and should be handled by local authorities. Even though it's basically happening - in the president's own backyard? - Asked and answered. Carol. Why aren't the police releasing the shooting officer's name? - I need to say something. - You can't say anything. - I'm getting pummeled out there. - She's right, Cy. It can't look like I'm behind the curve. Anything you say right now will end up vilifying law enforcement. I was on duty. I, uh, heard over the radio that a kid had just shoplifted a cellphone from a store on Ambrose Street I'm driving on. About 10 seconds later, I see him walking. How do you know it's the same kid? I don't, of course, not at first. I just see he's he's... he's got a cellphone box in his hand. Uh, it's sleek. It's brand-new. So I call into the station to get a description of the kid... uh, African-American, 5'10", medium build, - around 20. - That describes every kid in the neighborhood. Yeah, that's why I didn't arrest him. I-I just... I just stopped and asked him where he got it, and he became hostile. He said, uh, it was none of my business. You think about calling for backup then? Uh, I-I didn't feel he was dangerous at that point. See, ma'am, I-it's my job to interact with the people in this neighborhood. I-I like to think I'm pretty good at it. So I just asked the kid if I could see the box. Next thing I know, he's he's charging at me, he's... he's reaching in his coat pocket for a knife. And you saw the knife. And you fired because you thought your life was in danger. That is the only reason I would ever discharge my weapon. So, what happened to the knife? Where is it now? It must be on the boy, at the crime scene. I called for backup as soon as I fired. I was first on the scene. Jeff was devastated, just sitting in his car. I just can't stop thinking about my own kids, Ms. Pope. How I would be feeling right now if I were that boy's father. I need you to check security-camera footage from all of the businesses on Ambrose. See if you can find footage that corroborates - Officer Newton's story. - Which is... ? He had to shoot Brandon Parker because he feared for his life. On it. What's his name? The cop who gunned down Brandon Parker. You know why you're here, right? You know why they chose you. Give us the cop's name. - Help us get justice. - You don't want justice. You want anger. You want outrage. You want retribution. Huh. You're right. I do. So should you. That is a father. That is his dead son. This is not your stand to make, Marcus. This isn't a platform. You're not auditioning to become America's next great black activist. If this erupts, if a father is gunned down right next to his son, will you be able to sleep at night? - Nice purse. - What? Prada? What's your point? Probably worth a year's rent at my place, 'cause I live right around the corner. This block, these people are home. Uh-huh. We live in the same city, Olivia, but this is probably the first time you ever stepped foot on this block. Probably never been to this neighborhood except to get grits from Reggie's or chicken and Greens off of Wade Street. You have no idea what I'm about. You're about getting a white republican president elected... twice. Excuse me if I don't buy you're a real down-ass chick. Big picture... you and I want the same thing. You're just taking the path of most resistance to get there. It's not smart. We don't want the same thing. You want to put it to bed quietly, tell everyone on the hill that you came down to the Hood and you saved us. No thanks, Olivia. Your black card's not getting validated today. As tension continues to mount in the standoff between police and the father of slain black teenager Brandon Parker, BNC has learned the name of the officer involved in the shooting... Jeffrey Newton, a 32-year-old decorated 9-year veteran of the Washington Metro police department. It's unclear why Newton's identity was withheld by the police. Calls for comment have gone unanswered. They're turning Parker into a hero, and we look like the enemy. These so-called neighborhood activists, they're not helping. Next thing you know, there's gonna be a riot. Press will eat that up. They want a riot. No, before it goes too far, I'm clearing out this mob and shutting this thing down. I'm gaining control. I get it. The other side threw a good punch, you're bruised, but if you strike back, if you start a fight, you're just the bully. There is a dead child lying in the street in front of their homes. What would you do if there was a dead child, a child you knew, lying in the street in front of your home? The fact that they stand in groups and say things you do not like does not make them a mob... it makes them Americans. You hired me to tell you what to do. I'm telling you do nothing. You found his name and leaked it. That was low. So is shooting an unarmed kid. Mrs. Grant! Hello! - Susan Ross. - Ah. Senator. I'm from Virginia. Oh, Susan, it's so nice to see you. Thanks. Uh, I've been thinking a lot about vaccination protocols. Oh. Just, uh, take the measles. When you get sick with the measles, it confers lifelong immunity from getting measles again... assuming you didn't die. But unlike when you actually get sick, when you get a vaccine, you need booster shots to keep your immunity up. Now, there's a whole population of people out there who think they're protected, but they're not. - That is a shame. - It is. Take genital warts. Let's not. Oh. I'm Rosalyn Mendez, the Governor of New Mexico, and I'm posting this video tonight because I can't sleep. Three miles from my hotel, Clarence Parker is sitting over the body of his son, Brandon. Those of you who know me and voted for me - already know my story. - What is this, Cy? - Just keep watching. - But there's a part of it i-I don't spend a whole lot of time talking about. It's the part when I was growing up and I saw how my parents were treated, how they had their paychecks stolen from them, how they knew people who had been beaten to death in the fields, and the police never did anything about any of it because they were from Mexico, so they didn't matter. So I want to say to Clarence Parker and all those communities in this country where the police make you feel like you don't matter, we all matter... every one of us. She's saying everything I wish I could say but can't. Not unlike a vice president. Cyrus. She's a republican. And a woman and a minority. I made Mellie a promise. Yes, but you also made a promise at the beginning of this term to be the best damn president you could be. This is the future of our party. All we need to do is get out of her way. No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! I brought you a hoagie. I'm not hungry, Ms. Pope. I never let Brandon leave the house without saying where he was going. I never fell asleep until I heard his key turn in the lock. No being around girls. We fought about that one... a lot. It may sound so simple to you, but I just kept saying to myself, "get him to 18". "Get him a diploma. Don't let him end up dead, locked up." There was a thrift store down on Browning road. I used to buy Brandon old portable radios, TVs, calculators cheap crap... 'cause he loved taking stuff apart, seeing how it worked. He always had a mind for that kind of thing. He was gonna do the apprentice thing after graduation and become an electrical contractor. And even though he wasn't going to college, I put a university of Maryland sticker on my truck anyway so if he ever got pulled over, the cops wouldn't think he was just a thug... Without a f... without a future. All that... And there he is, laid out in the cold street, dead. We're gonna get to the bottom of this. And then you can bury your son. That sounds real good, Ms. Pope. But you and I both know that this only ends with me dead or locked up... 'Cause that's just the way things go around here. Hey, how's it going down there? Not good. Do we have footage of the shooting? Not yet. Huck's still on it. We'll find something. Call me as soon as you do. All press behind the barricade now. Quinn, what are you seeing on TV? Anything about the protest? Just something about the vice president. I got to go. I know what you're doing shutting down the press. We need to separate the protestors from the reporters in order to protect... Yourselves, right? So that when you go into that crowd armed with your riot gear and your tear gas, the world won't be watching? Instead they'll be focused on, what, the vice president's stroke anything except this? I hired you to handle the optics, and now the optics are behind that barricade, where they belong. That's what we wanted, Olivia. That's a good thing. Whose side are you on here? Not yours. No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Stand up! Fight back! Tell Officer Hogan to hold off on the riot gear. Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! Why did you meet with the governor of new Mexico? Because Governor Martinez has been outspoken on this Clarence Parker mess. I wanted to hear her thoughts. I know a vetting when I see one. You and Cyrus were giving her the once-over for V.P. Cyrus thought it would be a good idea. - That does not mean she's the right person for the job. - You told me you were gonna pick someone boring and unelectable. I prostituted myself so that you would get your mistress back, and now you're gonna take someone young and charismatic and female and Latina and make her the Vice President of the United States? How dare you? What happened to my turn? We had a deal, Fitz. Stand up! Fight back! No luck on the surveillance tapes? Nothing faces the street except for the bank, and I just found out the police were there last night, and they took the tapes, the backups... everything. The DCPD has been sitting on footage of the shooting all day? If they haven't released it yet, that means... It didn't happen the way they said it did. I can't help you. I wish I could. I need to see that tape, David. I need to see what happened! I'm assuming you were hired by the Metro Police. Maybe just... I don't know ask them for a copy. - I can't. - You can't? - I quit. - Quit, or were you fired? David. I can't just go marching into every sensitive situation trying to rush the justice process. There are laws, okay? Ones I'm being paid by the U.S. government to uphold. To protect people who look like you! Oh, come on, Liv! You talk about fairness and justice like it's available to everybody! It's not! That man standing over his son's body thinks he knows he's going to end up in one of two places... a jail cell or a drawer in the morgue. And to hell if I can't look him in the eye and tell him he's wrong. I can't fix this, David! I-I have nothing left, no more tricks in my bag. It's too much! It's too... You're exhausted. After everything you've just been through, this is the last thing you should be dealing with. I thought I was going to die. For about a week straight, I thought I was a goner. I lived in complete and total fear. I know. Imagine feeling like that every single day of your life. What is it you want? A subpoena. Sources say the Justice Department served the DCPD with a subpoena today for surveillance footage. The police are saying your son pulled a knife on the officer. Did you see a knife? I don't. Then what was he pulling out of his pocket? How should I know? All I know is he doesn't carry a damn knife. We can check for a knife. But we'd have to move your son. Let me help you. He doesn't carry a knife. Mr. Parker, I think it might be time to go home. Grieve your son. He doesn't carry a knife. He doesn't carry a knife! - He doesn't carry a knife! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! Mr. Parker! - Get on the ground now! - He doesn't carry a knife! - Lower your weapon now, or we will be forced to shoot! - Come on, Mr. Parker. He doesn't carry a knife. No! Do not shoot! This man just needs some space right now. Right, Mr. Parker? We're all just gonna give you some space. He doesn't carry a knife. Marcus and I are gonna step away now, and when we do, I need you to lower your gun. Okay? Can you do that, Mr. Parker? Nice and slow. That's it. That's it. That's it. He doesn't carry a knife! The mandatory curfew is now in effect. Disperse immediately. Report to your homes. Stand up! Fight back! No more black men under attack! They're gonna pump these people full of tear gas. They'll confront Clarence. If he doesn't surrender, they'll shoot him. They just need to be prepared for what happens after that. Well, I don't want to think about it. I can't watch the city burn. Curfew is in effect. Crowd must disperse immediately. On its second day, the crowd has grown both in size and in level... Where is she? Little late for a drop-in, Cy. - Where's Mellie? - Why? Because I just got a call from the times asking for comment on Rosalyn Mendez for V.P. And you think I leaked it? You're damn right! I do! They're digging into her past, finding dirt. Well, I didn't. But she was dirty, Cyrus. It was gonna come out sooner or later. Later I could've handled. Later I would've spun. But now... now it's out there. All right, Cy. Enough. Mendez is off the table. I can't sell a V.P. Who sends her own constituents to a prison she owns. We'll deal with it in the morning! I didn't do it. I know. I did. And that video was a naked power grab if I've ever seen one. She'd be just as bad as Sally and Andrew, if not worse. Besides, you were right. We had a deal. So... Let's pick a V.P. Who won't get in your way. I have one. She's perfect. Competent? Yes. And completely unelectable. This clears Newton. Yeah. Sucks. How did Liv look? She must be exhausted. - You two let her go down there? - She's fine. Fine? She's on the other end of a grieving dad's shotgun while pissed-off cops aim a hundred automatics at his head. You think that's a good place for her to be after the hell she's been through? It's Liv. Okay, I don't get this. Brandon yells at Newton, reaches for something. Newton opens fire. Knife found at the scene. - What's that? - Surveillance footing at the shooting. Which appears to completely exonerate the cops, but they were just sitting on the tape. Maybe they were just holding on to it, waiting to release it when things calm down. Or maybe they were hiding something. All right. Play it again. We found a shadow. - What? - In the back of the cop car in the bank's security footage. I wasn't sure what I was looking at at first, - so we zoomed in and... - Talk faster or say less. It was a person. Okay. Newton made an arrest an hour before. There's no record showing the perp was booked, but we looked into it and... See that shadow moving in the backseat? That's the missing suspect. The suspect had a knife. The knife was never officially booked into evidence, so... No more black men under attack! I think I know where that knife ended up. Who else knew? - I don't know what you're talking about. - I'm talking about the perp in the back seat of your patrol car... the one you arrested last night, the one whose knife you planted on Brandon Parker when you realized he was unarmed, the one you let go in exchange for his silence. Was it just you, or did anyone else help you hide the fact you're a murderer? I think you'd better leave. Or what? You'll shoot me? What the hell is this, Chief? The Attorney General, David Rosen. And these agents are here to question Phillip Durant, the man you picked up last night. Then I imagine they'll have a few questions for you. We found him at a convenience store, buying lottery tickets. I guess he was feeling lucky. - I don't believe this. - You don't want to talk, that's fine. We'll use your friend Phillip's testimony. - This is over. - God, what the hell is it with you people? "Us people"? Yeah, you people... I didn't misspeak. You people have no idea what loyalty is, what respect is. You're here because you were supposed to help us, and you spent every second of it trying to tear us down, tear me down, push your own damn agenda! I'm here to find the truth! The truth is, those people in Rosemead have no respect for anything or anyone. No, they're like you. They just take whenever they want, and they have no problem turning their backs on the people who gave it to them... people like me, who strap on their boots every day, kiss their wife and kids goodbye, and trek 40 miles into a city where everyone, including little babies, are taught to look at us like the enemy! They are taught to question me, to disobey me, and still I risk my life for these people. Every day for seven years, I have allowed myself to be disrespected and hated by these people, all to protect them from themselves. I mean, all I hear about on the news are dirty cops, cops who shoot innocent black kids. It's crap! There were 84 murders in this city last year. Were all of those cops shooting innocent black boys? Hell no. Those were blacks turning guns on each other, and yet somehow I'm the animal! Brandon Parker is dead because he didn't have respect, because those people out there who are chanting and crying over his body, they didn't teach him the right values. They didn't teach him respect. He didn't respect me. He didn't respect my badge. Questioning my authority was not his right! His blood is not on my hands! It's just... I can't believe I'm really here, the Oval Office. I still feel that way, every day. Me too. It's kind of smaller than I thought it would be, though studies have shown people actually were smaller back when the White House was built. Researchers have discovered that the average height of an American soldier during the revolutionary war was about 5'7", though Thomas Jefferson was 6'2". Susan, do you know why you're here? I think I can guess, which is why I brought the presentation materials on my vaccination proposal. I also had a few thoughts on tax reform that I'd love to discuss with you, but we don't have to do it all tonight. Susan, I've asked you here because I'd like to offer you the vice presidency. What? The president is asking you to be his new vice president. Why? "Why?" I'm a terrible choice. I just got elected. That's why I'm asking you. This town has a way of taking people and turning them into politicians. I don't want a politician. But if I were the vice president and then something happened to you... Then you would be president. But I don't want to be president. I mean, no offense, but your job is the worst job in the entire world. No, actually, vice president is probably worse because you don't actually get to do anything, do you? And I want to get things done. There's so much to do... not just on the vaccination front, but we need a new tax code and budget reform, and there's the war in West Angola and the war right here at home, five minutes away. Have you seen it on TV? That poor man whose son was shot dead in the street. Oh, my God. If anything like that ever happened to Casey, my daughter she's 10. If anything like that ever happened to her... but of course she's white and the daughter of a senator, so the police are actually gonna think twice before shooting her. But that poor man, he raised that boy all by himself. Can you even imagine what he is going through right now? I can't. I would die. I would literally die on the spot. I would have to kill myself. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. Of course you know. Of course you do. You know more than anyone. See? This is why you don't want me to be vice president. I'm terrible at this, at talking to people and not saying what I'm thinking at all times. I think we could probably use a little more of that around here. Now Tell me about this vaccination plan of yours. Tonight, Officer Jeffrey Newton was arrested for altering evidence, perjury, and filing a false report. He and fellow Officer Edward Brennan have also been charged with conspiracy to obstruct justice. In light of these charges, the Justice Department, under my supervision and with the full cooperation of Metro Police Chief Lawrence Connors, will open an independent federal investigation into the Washington, D.C., Police Force. But even given these actions, I don't stand up here pretending justice has been served tonight. Brandon Parker is still gone. This is what Brandon was reaching for. This is what was in his pocket... the receipt for his new cellphone. You were right. He didn't have a knife. He had a piece of paper. The officer who shot your son is behind bars. No one is going to arrest you, Mr. Parker. Let's go. Where are we going? This isn't my neighborhood. No, it's not. Tonight, a young man's potential was cut tragically short. Another American community is looking for answers, and another father is knowing the unbearable pain of losing a child. Jack, please. Give us a moment. Mr. Parker. I am so sorry for your loss. Please... Call me Clarence. My son's name was... Brandon. Ours is a country of laws, but those laws failed Brandon Parker tonight. And I can only hope in the weeks ahead, we can begin to understand why. No, no, no. This line starts behind me. - That will be 50 kronor. - No. It will be 35 kronor. This is only valid if you buy two bouquets. Sweetie, I only need one bouquet. Half of 70 is still only 35. One bouquet costs 50 kronor. Two bouquets together cost 70 kronor. That doesn't make any sense. It's pure madness. I'm reporting this to the Consumer Ombudsman. - Is there a manager here? - No, she's at lunch. Lunch? Learning to count would be a better pursuit. Two prices for the same thing? That's pure madness. But just so you know... Two bouquets won't be a habit. I miss you. A MAN CALLED OVE Good-for-nothings. - The dog should stop peeing at our place. - Don't listen to the mean old man. Anders! Did you see what the old man did? He tried to kill Prince. - What did you do to the dog? - That's no dog. It looks like a pair of winter boots with eyes. - Walking dogs here isn't allowed. - Don't involve the police. Can't you say something to him, Anders? You're Chairman of the Board. - I just did exactly that. - No, I mean properly. Good morning. - Everything okay? - Aren't you chatty? - Ove! Can we have a moment with you? - In the office. Now you'll be fucking promoted, eh? - Is everything well? - Yes. - How long have you worked here, Ove? - 43 years. - Shit. - Shit. - You took over your father's job? - Yes. We have an opportunity for you. You're only 59. You might want to do something else with your life. Does 43 years at the same place suggest that? It... - You want to fire me. - That isn't exactly how I'd express it. But it's close. - We want to offer you a program. - A kind of government-run training course. - A further step. - The digital is taking over more and more. Yeah, then I have a proposal. Isn't it easier if I just get up and leave? Good. Then that's what we'll do. Wait, Ove. We have a farewell present. A garden spade. You need to forward your phone service there if you're going to travel. - There aren't any phones there. - You're joking? Take it easy. Come on. Careful. Hello, hello! [speaking Persian] Stop. Stop! Stop! - Oh dear. - What the fuck? - Drive forward a little. Patrick! - What are you doing? - He's not very smart. - Driving here isn't permitted. - Can't you read Swedish signs? - Are you blind? Am I the one driving? Nice to meet you. Patrick. You should be called Mickey Mouse, but if you're backing up turn the opposite direction and look in the rear-view mirror. - What's she saying? - No idea. It's Persian. Isn't it beautiful? No... no, hello! - No, no! - Did I hit something? Out, now! Stand someplace where you aren't in the way. - Remember... - Thanks. I can drive a car. - What is that, now? - The backup camera. Camera? What fucking cam... - Hi. - Hey, you. Mom! Backup cameras? You shouldn't even have a cassette tape. - Petter! - Idiots. Fuck, I can't find my jacket. - Petter! Petter! - Yeah. - Come here! Petter! - What do you want? PARKING ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN! Scram! You took my bike. Can I get it back? - Wasn't it a woman's bike? - It's my girlfriend's. - And where does she live? - 142 over there. With the communists who introduced waste sorting? - Then she can get it herself. - Whatever. - Should I let him take my bike? - He's weird. Hey, Ove. Everything okay? Why does everyone ask if it's okay? Why wouldn't it be okay? You're not working. It's the middle of the day and you've never been sick. Do you want something? Or do you like talking your life away? Do you want come get some lunch? Idiots! Bloody maniacs! Driving here is not permitted! - Did you say something, or? - Yeah, driving here is forbidden. - Oh yeah? Well, I have permission. - The hell you do. - Goodbye. - Drive! - Get away from here! Is something wrong? If you have visitors, there's guest parking. That's what we decided. They were from the municipality. They were bringing Rune home. We've been getting so cold inside. Can you take a look? No. Put on another blanket. Sorry I didn't come yesterday like I was supposed to. I just couldn't. It's been a real circus at home. New neighbors moved in across the way. You'd be shocked how people are these days. No one can do anything anymore. They can't back up with a trailer, or change a tire. When you ask them the simplest thing in the world, they're eating lunch. Yes! How did you know? God, can you imagine? We'd live in some country cottage and eat shepherd's pie every Sunday. I'd paint landscapes and develop a drinking habit and act all American and gauche in front of his friends. You know? Stuck together, but barely communicating, like characters in a... - Uh... - A Harold Pinter play. Yes! Oh, shit! Let me clean that up. We've had this conversation before. Do you remember? No, I don't. Please, you're hurting me. Come on. Do you remember? No... I don't. (Phone rings) Don't stop. Wait. I know who's calling. We've been through this already. Uh, no, it's not what you... Give... (Phone shatters) Get the fuck out of here. (Whimpers) Yes, I- -I'm looking to buy a property. No, t-t-the borough's not important, but the building is very particular. Old on the outside, but 1980s on the inside, and there's a sculpture of a woman... Sorry? No. It's not historical features I'm after, it's very particular ones. A red-brick facade. Cats on the roof of the neighbouring building. Of course you're not a pet shop, but I-I-I'm just... I'm trying to explain what I've seen. - (Dialling tone) - Hello? I don't remember.' Look, what's important is that I can describe it and I have to find it. Find it or make it. Well, if, if you can't help me, then who can? Nazrul what? Can you spell that? (Nazrul) Tell me, what sort of building did you have in mind? It's old. It's a five-storey tenement house. Red brick and white windows. The tops of the windows have curves. Inside it's like it's stuck in the '80s. There's a bust... hanging over the entrance, and underneath there's a carving that says, it says something like, "Madison Gardens" or "Marilyn Mansion". I have drawings at home, but... most of the details haven't come to me yet. Good. But tell me about the people you're proposing to fill the building with. Well, there's an old lady. And she wears a head wrap. - What, like a hijab? - No, like a handkerchief. Wisps of white hair, socks, slippers, but she cooks liver constantly. So, the smell of fried liver has to... waft up to my flat. And she's also required to deposit her rubbish outside her flat whenever I leave mine. And we exchange words. I haven't worked them out yet. Understood. Who's next? Are you Muslim? No. Are you? No, I just... Erm... the hijab. I'm not particularly fond of religion. Neither am I. Good. Who else lives in this house? There's a pianist two floors below me. And in the afternoons he teaches children, but the rest of the time he composes. And the sound of the piano has to waft up to my flat, just like the smell of fried liver. There's also a boy I keep seeing. When everything's right, he'll appear. But I... I can't describe him now. (Phone vibrates) It seems like my colleagues have found a match for your building already. The interior may need gutting. - But essentially... - This is it. Madlyn Mansions. How did...? Where is this? Where...? What's the address? Is this a childhood home or...? - What is it? - How much do you charge? - Well, there are several options. - I want you full-time, all the time. I'm not cheap. I'll pay you in advance. Waste of time. The little twat's not in. - But maybe the suitcase is here. - It's not. I spent the whole of yesterday looking for the bloody thing. Stop fucking doing that. (Naz) The last of the holdouts have left. - Have the window people arrived? - They're upstairs measuring. - I thought the windows were done. - They were. The ones on the third floor have had to come out to squeeze in the piano. - We're two weeks behind schedule. - Sir, you are a bit of a perfectionist. If it wasn't for Nazrul, it'd be two years behind schedule. (Nazrul) ls there anything else you're not happy with? - The cracks on the walls look contrived. - What's that supposed to mean? - The opposite of natural. - I know what the word means, Naz! But how can the bloody cracks not looked contrived? - For fuck's sake, we made them! - I'd like to get the windows blocked. - Yeah, I know. We'll use paper for that. - And we need cameras. And I want to get a security guard. I'll make some calls, but first there's something I'd like to show you upstairs. That guy by the phone box, I didn't realise he was so close. - They loiter there every day. A problem? - No. No. It's good that they're there. They look out for me. - Why are the cats tied? - They sometimes fight and fall. We've lost five just this week. Well, that's not how it should be. Have them untied. Hi, Sam. Could you untie the cats? These are the last cats we have. - And? - Well, if they fall, we'll be catless. What? Then we'll get more cats. Why are we even talking about this? Sam... untie the cats. Our cat handler's just quit. - Fuck him. - Fuck her. Sam is a woman. Are we having a problem, Naz? Er, no. Get a new handler. And get rid of those cats. We'll start from scratch with unspoilt ones. And if they fight, have them sedated or castrated or whatever. - You have to make mistakes. - Sorry? Go over the parts you got wrong and play it again and again slowly until you get it right. In the day you teach children, in the night you compose. And when we're on, you never leave the flat. What should I compose? - Chopin. - Chopin's already composed. Then compose him again. Start with the first thing he wrote and continue through everything else and when you're done just start over. I can do that, sure. Do you know what to do? Yes, sir. I-l just stand here without moving. There's a small cupboard with a broom. I don't want you to use it ever, but you have to think about it. Visualize, don't actualize. Very good, sir. Some of you have specific tasks to perform. Others just have to be somewhere without moving. 'You may have noticed that in the building there are certain areas left blank. 'That's like the masks some of you are wearing. 'You're not less important, you're just less specific.' Spare some change, bro? Look, what's going on? You haven't called me back in, like, six weeks. I've been busy. Oh, yeah? Doing what? Moving to a new place. Look, we need to talk. It's important. Come on, let's go for a walk. - I'm tired, Greg. - Gentrification's tough work. (Chuckles) What's happened to you? Why are you being like this? It's me. I love you. Leave me alone. OK. But who visited you every day when you were in that hospital? Who fought to have you transferred from that vegetable ward? And who chased down the bastards who did this to you and got you your money? Whatever Catherine's been telling you, it's all lies. - Goodbye, Greg. - Well, fuck you too! Well, take care. Have a nice day. Prick. (Footsteps approach) (In Eastern European accent) Same time tomorrow? (Door opens) That's an arrival on TG. 'Everything's in place. Are you ready? ' Yes. You can turn them all on now. Three, two, one, go. Very good. (Piano music plays) (TV blares) (Motorbike engine revs) (Phone rings) Stop. - It should be more quiet. - OK. Everyone, a touch quieter. Resume. (Piano music plays) (TV blares) (Sizzling) (TV blares) (Oil sizzles) (Tapping) (Motorbike engine revs) (Phone rings) (Motorbike revs) (Tyres screech) Stop. Very good. Now the liver lady. (Piano music plays) (Door opens) Freeze. - (Door squeaks) - (Piano music stops) - Reverse. - (Piano music starts) - Stop. - (Piano music stops) - OK, now forward. - (Piano music starts) - That's it. Freeze. - (Piano music stops) Yes. (Piano music starts) - (Piano music stops) - (Grunts) - OK, stop everything, Naz. - 'OK.' So sorry, sir. I'm not a 20-year-old ballerina. Stop the car. (indistinct talking) - Christopher! - One second, yeah? Do you remember me? Nah, sorry. Should I? The phone box. I had a beard. Oh, shit! What happened? I thought you was homeless. - You still have that film on your phone? - Nah. When he knocked the phone out of my hand, it broke, so I had to go get a new phone. What if I asked you to be at that phone box every day? And every night? Whoa. Listen, yeah, I'm not a hustler. I don't want no trouble. It's nothing illegal. Just the more time you spend there, the more money you make. - All right. - But the phone will ring. Randomly. And if you're there and you answer it, you'll get paid. But only if you answer it. All right. Cool. (In British accent) Try again next week? (Door opens) (Number pad beeps) 30. 5 ft 8". Medium-build, not fat. Erm, brown eyes. Dark skin. D-d-don't forget she has to be American. Yeah, bla... Whatever you call it. Black, African-American. Right. I don't... I don't care how much it costs. Just don't send me any more Moldovans, OK? OK. (Number pad beeps) Christopher. Hi. You know what, call me later. (Train passes overhead) (Rap music through headphones) . (Yells) - (zaps) (Ai res) Christopher. You take care of the camera. Hurry up. - Christopher's dead. - (Naz) I know he was important to you. I can have someone stand in for him, if you like. Do you have any contacts in the police? - I do. Why do you ask? - I don't think they're telling the truth. I want their report. I want to know what it says. I'll see what I can do. Thank you. Stand him down. But he's playing the victim. Send him home, Naz. - Do you two know what to do? - Yes, sir. Your producer talked us through scene. You won't be shooting at the other guy, you will be shooting at me. But you're the wrong colour, boss. (Both chuckle) I open the door, I pull out the gun and then you zap me here. Do you know how to use this? - This thing ain't real, is it? - Yeah, it is. I'm sorry. That wasn't part of the plan. Is the gun real too, brother Naz? No, of course it isn't, but I can't allow them to use a real Taser. Then go home. I don't need you. (Naz over radio) '1:18 am Christopher Williams enters the phone box 'near the Southwell Road railway bridge. 'A short time thereafter Williams leaves the phone box and approaches his bicycle. 'He's accosted by an unknown assailant. 'Pulls out his silver semi-automatic pistol, but is shot twice at close range. 'No eye witnesses have been identified. 'A nearby surveillance camera was disabled by heavy rainfall. Go.' (Groans) (Gun clicks twice) (Coughs and retches) Whoa! OK, some space, please. Someone get me a medic now. No. That was not how it was. It can't be. Let's do it again. I don't see why it's necessary that you hurt yourself. (Tom) How much time do we have? (Running water) (Tom) OK. How was Oxford? You know... very touristy. - But you went? - Sure I did. I've got some pictures. Do you want to see? This is me on campus. This is me in the cathedral. Here I am at the bookshop. And, ta-da, me again in front of the... Shit! Headington Shark. Oh, shite, it's "shark"! Sorry! (Floorboards creak) Who took the pictures? - You know... someone I met. - What is it, Greg? No. Just some guy from the concert... Sorry, conference. Don't get jealous. We didn't do anything naughty. Mind you, he didn't put his little hand on my arse. Don't improvise! Don't add anything! Don't be slutty! Well, fuck off already! Why don't I just suck you off and be done with it, eh? Two fucking weeks of this stupid shite! "Was it Greg?" "Oh, the Paddington Shark." Do you know what? Fuck it! I've had it! Don't move. Don't move. - Look at me. - (Grunts) Whatever your agency are paying you, I'll double it. - Please. I won't hurt you. - (Sobs) Who took the pictures? Who took them? (Sobs) You know, someone I met. - Was it Greg? - No. Just someone from the conference. An old friend. We didn't do anything. He wasn't really my type, you know. A university man. A bit unpredictable. He asked me to marry him. No, that's my line. Yes. How did you know? Can you imagine? We'd live in the country and we'd cook... - (Sobs) We'd cook... - Shepherd's pie. Shepherd's pie! And I'd drink every Sunday and paint... No, I mean, I'd develop a drinking habit in front of his friends and... I'd act American in front of his friends. Together, no, stuck together, but barely communicating like some characters in a... Like some characters in a... A Harold Pinter play. - (Sobs) - The table. Sorry. Let me wipe that up. No, not now. We've had this conversation before. Don't you remember? - No, I don't. - Come on. Don't... you... remember? I don't know. (sniffs) Erm... OK, we're going to... (Sighs) I'm going to make some tea, then we're going to do this going from the top. And can you please clean yourself up? Because you... you smell horrible. (Car door shuts) (Door clatters) (Grunts) OK, we both know you've got the suitcase with the bank money. I don't know what you're talking about, please. I fucking saw you run out with it. Come on. Will you stop fucking around? He's hurting my knee! Where is the suitcase? It's a black suitcase. - On wheels. - (Groans) - Where is the suitcase? - (Groans) Where is the suitcase? - Where did you fucking put it? - (Groans) (Yells) (Music drowns speech) (Running water) (TV blares) (Phone rings) (Hoover whirrs) (Phone continues to ring) (Running water) Just so you know, they've been frozen for over an hour now, so you'll have to let me know when you want to release them. (TV on mute) Look. (TV) '...year-long investigation, police believe they have found the suspect 'behind the Sleets robbery and multiple killings. 'Christopher Williams was murdered last week 'in what police suspect was retribution. 'Although police matched his silver pistol and mask to the ones used in the robbery, 'Mrs Williams continues to protest her son's innocence. 'Katie Razzal in Brixton.' I want you to get plans of the bank for me. (Door whirrs open) (Door closes) Oh, Sleets, eh? Wasn't that the bank that got robbed last year? Yeah. Crazy Yardie topped his mates and ran off with the dosh. Did the coppers ever nab him? - They killed him. - Did they? Let me get this straight. You want to give me shitload of money to re-enact the robbery, but you're not going to film it? No. It's just research. We'd like to know how it happened. Oh, well, the principle's the same. It's like I say in my book, a bank robbery is like a theatre play. There's a script, there's a stage and there are actors. Shall we get started? Lights! Nice. So, you want to see a quick demonstration? OK, boys, masks down, tools up. Oh, no, no, no. Get a wriggle on. You're robbing a bank, not shopping for condoms! Back you go. Make no mistake, when you enter the bank, you're setting off a chain, which will lead to someone calling the cops. Your goal is to execute the script quickly and to leave the stage healthy. And wealthy. OK! - Fuck! - (Laughter) - I hope they're not real! - They're blanks. Now, well done, but look. This is your Sistine Chapel. Express yourself! Write your name on the architecture! Yes! Beautiful! OK, Number 2, get them to lay down on the carpet. OK, we need your full cooperation. You're Tony Montana! You're a psycho! Put the fear of God into 'em! - Get on the fucking floor! - Lovely! Now, Three and Four, they do the tellers. Come on! Chop, chop! That's it! Put a gun to their face! (Laughter) Any more robbing and your set will disintegrate. (Chuckles) It needs to be more real. More like the real bank. You're hired. OK, boys. Back to the beginning. Got a lot of work to do. (Piano music plays) (indistinct shouting) Who's got the fucking keys? Give me the keys now or I'll shoot you! - OK, stop! - (Naz) 58 seconds. Gather. What's the matter, Miss? Why won't you let this gentleman have your key? We don't have keys, sir. The doors open with cards. Fucking right! Remember, if you want something, you grab it! Always avoid a standoff. Always keep moving. You got it? - Yeah. - Yes, boss. Right, from the top. (Naz over radio) 'Three, two, one, go.' (indistinct shouting) Get down! Get on the fucking floor! Give your phones now! Get your phones out! You put the wrong number in and I'll fucking shoot your dick off! Put it in! Quickly! Choose the right one, man! - Quickly! - Move, move, move! (Number 4) Turn the lock! Quickly! Any tricks, you're dead! - Move! Come on! - Come on! Move it! Come on! - We used to do this too, you know. - Do what? Rehearse. We didn't just plan it on paper. Oh, it's beautiful. We were so well drilled, when the big day came, the whole thing, it went like clockwork. - Fucking quickly! - Come on! Quicker than that! Get the fucking door! Hands on your head! (Piano music plays) (Tapping) (Phone rings) (Siren walls in the distance) - (Number 1) Come on! - (Number 2) Hands on your head! - Don't move! Don't move! - Oi! (Laughter) Get off, you fat prick! Fuck! You're acting like a bunch of dickheads! Oi, shut up! - (Number 3) Fuck you, dwarf! - Can I have a set dresser? Wait... Wait, don't touch it. That was good. That was real. That was perfect. I want you to stumble on that kink every time you run through. - Every time? - Yeah. But don't fall. Just... reach out with your foot and stumble a bit. Then keep running. Well, you heard the boss, ladies. Back to your places. There's something wrong with that kid's brain! (Watch beeps) (Number 1) Put your fucking hands on your head! No! No, no. - Are you trying to fuck me? - Fuck you, you dwarf! All right, listen to the boss, will you? It's simple, OK? Number 3, don't overdo it. Number 4, don't stop. You, stumble, recover. Continue. And you just... flank him. - Sorry, sir, did you say, "Flank him"? - Yeah, yeah, flank me, bitch. Like a steak, chop-chop. Come on. Back in your box. - Come on, lads. - When you're done, come on his face. I'm defriending you on Facebook when I get home. (Watch beeps) - (Conman) That's it! - (Naz) Five minutes, five seconds. That's good enough for Hollywood, but too slow for life. Well, how long should it take? Well, it depends on location, traffic conditions, but generally speaking anything over five minutes, mate, and you're cattled. I'll go sort the boys out. (Tom) I want it more detailed. Everything. Look at the walls. They're not right. That lift should be metallic and... and the lights around the perimeter. You know, if, if the details aren't right, then it doesn't work, especially outside. The sounds are flat and the sky, it's too clear. I want... clouds. How long will it take? (Rings) (Man 11) 'Thank you for calling Sleets. How may I direct your call? ' Hi. This is Greg Simpson from Olanger Daubenay. I'm trying to reach Catherine Sullivan. 'Oh, I'm afraid Ms Sullivan's called in sick today.' May I ask what this is in reference to? I have two gentlemen from the police. They're trying to find a client of ours who seems to have disappeared. Ms Sullivan may have been the last person that's seen him. I can't give out her number, but would you like me to try it? No. No, that's fine. Thanks a lot. Mr Simpson, did you client ever mention a suitcase? No. What sort of suitcase? A black trolley. It's about this... Mr Simpson, thanks very much indeed for your help, and we'll be in touch if we need anything else. Can I just ask? This is a really nice paperclip. Is it real gold? Erm... it's 18 carat. - May I keep it? - Yeah, knock yourself out, mate. Thank you. Bye-bye. (Door opens then closes) (Catherine) 'What sort of suitcase? It's probably just a mistake.' Listen, I'm going back to work next week. If they come, I'll talk to them. Greg... What did you tell them about me? Stop it! Why did you come back, Cath? Did you come back for love? Or was it for the moolah? Nice place, Greg. I hope you like living alone. Don't go! Wait, Catherine! I'll always love you. (Piano music plays) (Clock ticks) (Motorbike engine revs) (TV blares) (Piano music continues) (Number pad beeps) - Hello? - I was just about to call you, actually. The new sky's arrived. I think you're going to be happy with it. And also we've finally got them down to five minutes... Naz, listen to me. I have an idea. I want you to transfer our robbery to the actual bank. Well, that'd be brilliant, yes, but they'd never allow it. I mean, even if we offer them a large fee, banks are usually very... Without a fee. We don't need to tell them. But you're talking about Sleets of Holborn? The actual bank. Am I wrong? Yes, you're absolutely right, but I don't want them to know about it. They're not going to let us perform there. 'We don't ask them. We give our bankers a day off and we use their staff instead.' But if we use their staff, they won't know they're taking part... It doesn't make any difference. Their staff and our staff have been trained. Apart from you and me, no one's going to know what the difference is. Our team will know. You can't fool them into thinking that Holborn's a replica. They're in a van! They've been doing this a thousand times! They're going to think they're doing a rehearsal. Our set is identical. - And what if they do look out? - 'Tell them we've changed locations. 'Park a catering truck in front of the bank. Show them a film permit. I want to go with them, Naz. I need a suit just like theirs and a mask. 'And a pistol. Just like the one Christopher had. Silver with real bullets. 'This is real, Naz, so everything has to be real.' Hello? 'Can you hear me? I need you for this, Naz. 'It won't work without you.' (Gunshots) (Tom) 'How was Oxford? ' (Naz) 'I've worked it out. 'The robbery itself has 12 scenarios. 'And each one of those scenarios has a subset of 104 permutations. 'But they all have one thing in common. 'They're all threatened by the same chief contingency.' - (Tom) 'Was it Greg? ' - 'No. 'The only way to stop any information from leaking 'would be to eliminate all channels through which it could possibly leak.' Wait. I remember this. (Naz) 'You understand what this means? 'We need to make arrangements. I know someone who could do it. Discreetly.' (Tom) Now? Well, no. Of course not now. After the robbery. It could be an accident in the getaway vehicle. It's just an example. We've had this conversation before. Don't you remember? Do you even understand what I'm saying? I'm talking about getting rid of our people. (Whispers) Come on. Don't you remember? I-I don't... I don't remember. (Horns blare) So, how many times have you done this? At least 400 times, sir. And has it changed? No, no. It's always the same, sir. We're professionals. But have you noticed the details in it? You know, the way they repeat. The rhythm. The poetry. Aye, the poetry, eh? (Chuckles) Who the fuck is this poofter? You won't get much out of him, sir. He's a method actor. - He's a tit-head. - Fuck off. We drive around in your van for hours while people fuss around with your set, and when it's ready we jump out and do the same thing a million times. I've robbed this bank at least 20 times a day now for six weeks. I haven't got rich, but I haven't been caught neither. - See? - That sounds like... - A tit-head. - Fuck off, Nigel! - Why are you always taking the piss? - I'm not, dickhead, my character is. - Then change your character. - Why don't I change your nappy first? - I'll make you my bitch, you prick. - I'll shoot you in the head. (Phone rings) (Naz over radio) 'Two minutes.' Excuse, lads. Oh, my God. - God, look at that! - Fucking hell! ls that the new sky? - Whoa, whoa! What's going on out there? - Wow! - (Number 3) How much was that? - Number 2) Shut the fuck up! - That is incredible. - (Number 3) How much? How much was it? Oh, Cath? Sorry, I didn't realise you were here. A Mr Simpson keeps calling for you. Thanks, Charlie, but I'm not here. Just forgot something downstairs. Hi. I'm Detective Inspector Morrell. This is DI Aires. - We'd like to speak to the manager. - One moment, please. (Naz) '30 seconds.' Same old, same old. Yeah. (Number 1) Whoo! Let's be out in four minutes. We have a special guest with us today. - (Naz) 'Ten seconds.' - Come on! (Naz) 'Five seconds. 'Three, two, one.' Go! Go! Go! (Beeps) Come on! (Shouting) (Screaming) (Number 1) Put your hands on your head! (indistinct shouting) - Get down! - Put your hands on your head! - (Number pad beeps) - Thank you, Naz. It's beautiful. Go! Don't you move! - (Number 1) I've got three phones here! - (Number 2) If I see you twitch... - Any tricks and my mate'll shoot you! - All right, all right! - Quicker! - OK! - Freeze. - Just a second. - New guy! - Freeze, like the boss said! - (Charlie mutters) - Oh, nice! (Sobs) - (Naz) 'Two minutes.' - Go on! Go! - (Yells) - Hands on your head! Don't move! It's not there! Ha-ha! Brilliant, you two tossers! - I'd say that's a cut, Naz. Naz? - (Naz) 'Four minutes.' - What the fuck is going on? - What the hell happened, Derek? I'll be fucked if I know. Nigel stopped, my gun went off and he just fell on top of me. That wasn't supposed to happen! Did you change the script or something? (Lift door opens) (Guns cock) - (Naz) 'Five minutes.' - Stop this fucking nonsense, Naz. Nigel's had a bad fall. He might need an ambulance. - (Phone rings) - Who the fuck's this tart? - Shut your fucking phone off already! - (Screaming and whimpering) Fucking... what the fuck? What the fuck's wrong with him? Oh, come on, stop it, for fuck's sake! Oh, fucking...! (Naz) 'Six minutes.' Tony, what the fuck's wrong with him? Come on, man! - Nigel! - It's fucking real. - What? - It's fucking real! (Screaming) Stop. Number 1, stop. Oh, fucking... fuck this. Naz, I'm done! I quit! - Don't move. - Fuck off! (Grunts) (Naz) 'Seven minutes.' (Number 4 coughs) - 'What's going on in there? ' - (Number 4 groans) Tommy! Tommy, no! (Shouting and screaming) (Morrell) Shut up! - Oh, my God! Tommy! ' Shut up! (Woman 4 sobs) (Siren walls in the distance) (Naz) 'Ten minutes. The police are coming. I can't wait any longer.' (Tyres screech) (Sirens wail) Get up. This is mine, isn't it? I'm out. Where are you? Right, anyone hurt? We're police officers. Don't touch anything. It's all evidence. Come on, Naz. - Where are you, Naz? ls that you? - (Horn blares) - (Morrell) Yeah. Yeah, they're on it. - (Aires) OK. - Where's the cameras? - One, two... (Whispers) Go, go! Stay there! Be calm! We'll be back! (Sirens wail) - Seen this? - Stall them! Go, go, go! Armed robbery. Shots fired. Have you got back-up? Naz, where are you? (Sirens wail) (Horns honk) (Traffic bustles) (Glass shatters) (Alarm rings) (Sirens wail in the distance) (Piano music plays) (Tom) 'About the past I can say very little. 'Something fell down from the sky. 'Technology, parts, bits squashing me on to the pavement 'and then nothing, a blank. 'Eventually the sun will set 'and the universe will run down like a toy whose spring is unwound. 'Then there'll be no more music. No more loops. 'Nothing to recreate. No buildings to renovate. 'No people to rehearse how to freeze, how to move. 'For now, though, the clouds will part and something will fall down, 'turning, returning, heading back, getting nearer. 'Here I am, 'reborn and waiting. 'Again.' "Let's go get it.." "Let's go get it... says every nerve in my body.." Can't you bathe quietly? Does your blood boil after you take off your clothes? Let me sleep. "Go for it. Go for it... India!" Hello...will you drink some tea? I made extra. I'll keep it in the fridge. You can drink it if you like. Stop skinning the bread. Don't wake up, don't eat... Because this is the time for your beauty sleep. Its only 8 o'clock now. Why can't you sleep at night like humans? I can do whatever I like. You didn't have to come to Delhi for all this. Didn't you have internet connection at Kanpur? Look...you're my roommate, not my father. And I know what I do. How long are you going. ...to live-off on all your girlfriends' money. Money in life Runs in twenty twenty should keep coming. How they come No one bothers What comes fast, goes even faster. Easy come, easy go. Bye-bye. What's the problem? What is the matter? Agyatshatru knows everything. What's this? White shirt? White isn't lucky for you according to your stars. What difference does it make? It'll turn black by the time I get to the office. Yes, I hope it does. Hello, birthday girl. - Morning. Are you deaf? Drive properly. You're in a damn hurry? - Excuse me? No, Megha, not you. That driver. . Anyway, what were you saying? Office? I'm on my way there now. Why do you sound so tense? - Yes, Megha. A lot depends on today's presentation. I hope everything goes well. Don't worry. Oh no, police. - Stop. Oh no, Prithvi.. Stop the car on the side. - Sorry, sir. Forget this scrap, and chase him. What happened? - I am safe. Megha, the police is on high alert these days. I'll call you later, okay. Yeah, okay. And yeah. - Yes. Don't forget. Mosaic, 7:30. And don't be late. Me? Late? Bye. - Yeah...bye. Ladies and Gentlemen. Finally, this is the layout of the inner-wing. It will have an inner courtyard which represents all the states of the country. Impressive I must say. Thank you, thank you. What about the parking extension that we specified? But sir, we would encroach on public property. And, we could get into legal hassles later. Ms. Wahi, if we leave valuable properly like this We'll lose millions. But, sir... - Don't worry, Mr. Shah. We'll make the modifications according to your specifications. Don't worry, madam. We'll get this done within a week. Sir, what We're doing is completely illegal. Prithvi, you know the condition of the market. But try to... - We have to compromise to get anything big done in life. And you know how important this project is for us. Sir... Okay...now don't think too much. Just modify the design, okay. Hello. - I am going to Mumbai for 2 days. You always disappear when it's time to pay the rent. You can go after paying your share. I am not going to pay a penny- Mr. Patel can throw you out if he likes. Don't worry about me. I am going to arrange for money. 'Arrange for money! ' Good evening, sir. - Good evening. My name is Mr. Prithvi Khurana. I have a reservation for two. Excuse me, I've ordered for a head-shape cake with 25 candles. - I will double-check it, sir. Thank you. But why, Anuj? I submitted all the requirements a week ago so, why didn't we get permissions yet? No way. - Hi... No illegal or under-table permissions. ...will be allowed on my show. Do you understand? Good. Now call me when you've got the permissions, and hurry up. I an": so sorry I an": late. Happy birthday. - Thank you. This is so pretty. Oh yes, how was your presentation? Presentation... - Excuse me, sir. Your cake with 26 candles. - 26'? Hold on. I specifically said... 25 candles. 25. One for good luck, it's complimentary, sir. Okay...now come on, make a wish. So? So what? What did you wish for? Never mind. What? Prithvi, I am not getting any younger. So, the extra candle was for good luck. Okay, fine. Before you start shedding your priceless tears.. ...I have a small request. What now? Megha, will you marry me? "Only a lover..." "..knows how the head feels." "It's an ambiance of happiness." "I wonder why it's afraid of joy." "Only a lover..." "..knows what the heart thinks." "It's an ambiance of happiness." "I wonder why it's afraid of joy." "Sweetheart head's only for you, but." "It's an unknown journey." "No bungalows, or expensive cars...only dreams." "All I have...is my heart." "Will you still come with me?" "Will you.." How much? 100. - Okay, sir. Did you reset the meter to zero? Yes, sir. How much can I swindle in 100? No cards for transactions under 500. Thank you, sir. Have a good day. 10 rupees. I haven't eaten anything for 2 days. 10 rupees? Spare me something if you can. Sorry. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... 9...10! 100 cores! Good morning, sir. This is Vaishali, how may I assist you? Is there a problem with your ATM at GK? Just give me a moment, sir. If you need money, come to us. Thanks for being with us, sir. There's nothing wrong with the machine. Of course there is? It's showing absurd balance in my account. Sir, can I have your account number please? Yes... 0053. - 0053 192... Sorry, 00532391 . - 2391 . 6449. - 6449... 6582. - 6582... This account is in the name of Mr. Prithvi Khurana. That's me. Could you please tell me my balance, please? I'm sorry sir, but this is a Platinum account. And we cannot provide you with any detail over the phone. Platinum account? Since when? Is there anything else I can help you with, sir? No, it's okay. Thank you. Thank you for calling, sir. Have a very nice day. Platinum account? Yeah... I'll get it done. I am on my way to the ATM. To withdraw cash. Don't worry. You will get it. Yes, yes. So what's new? Hey... What's going on there? Hey... What are you doing? - You can keep it if this is yours? Put this away... Why did you touch my car? Oh...sorry, mister. My car was parked in the same place, so.. Can't you tell the difference between Skoda and Maruti? Sorry, sorry.. - Stupid oaf! I'll set you straight. Someone was trying to jack my car. Hi. - Where are you? Studio. Where are you? Can we meet? - Is everything okay, Prithvi? Saket...! Immediately. It's very important, Megha. What's Wrong? Tell me something at least. I can't tell you over the phone, Megha. It's something serious. 10 minutes... I'll be there okay. Okay.- Any order for you? Can I get some water? - Of course, sir. But any order for you? A cup of tea. - Sure, sir. Where are you, Megha? Did you go to the ATM? Who's this? You did, didn't you? Who are you? Dawood. Dawood, Who? How many Dawoods do you know? What? I transferred that money in your account. When, who, how much and where it needs to be delivered.. ...I will tell you. But. - Don't interrupt. You'll get 200,000 on every delivery, as commission. And the 25,000 that you just withdrew". ...consider that as an advance, on your first commission. But. - If you mess up, then you and your Megha. What happened? - Nothing. Let's go. Let's go. What's wrong, Prithvi. - Don't look anywhere. Just come. Where are we going? What's wrong, Prithvi? Nothing. - Nothing? Why did you say "I can't tell you over the phone".. ..."It's a serious matter". You're hiding something. - Hiding? What can I be hiding? Nothing. And why are you looking back repeatedly? Prithvi, are you having second thoughts? - What? Megha, I love you. I don't want to lose you. Why are you saying that? You're so stupid. After this, I won't leave you.. ...even if you want to get rid of me. Let's go to my home. I'll make you some nice tea, you can relax. Megha, I'll drop you at the office. I need some time to think. But I'll call you once I'm feeling better. Promise? Promise. Who is it? - It's me, Lacchmi. What is it? You were supposed to pay me today. This is not the appropriate time. Come back in the morning. - Fine. I'll come back in the morning. If you don't pay up tomorrow, you can find yourself a new maid. Laxmi, hold on. Thank you, sir. But I don't have change. No change? Go get it from the shop below. It's just 200 rupees, sir. You can adjust it next month. It's 250... Yeah, fine. 'Then you and your Megha..' 'But White isn't lucky according to your stars today.' 'If you need money, come to us.' Please... Please, spare me. Please, spare me. I'll do as you say. I am just an ordinary, coward man. Stupid, you let go. Let go of my leg. Were you dreaming? Nightmares. Do you know what happened today, Sam? I don't know what's all this about. I went to the ATM. Do you know what my balance was? It was... Sam. Sam. Megha? There are programs on television. ...like astrology, numerology, Vaastu. Do you think they are genuine? Excuse me, Goodwill Apartment? - What number? 301. - Yes, that's mine. What do you want? - Yours. Don't be fooled by his looks. That's his apartment. Well, there's a Mr, Prithvi Khurana who lives there. But that doesn't make it Prithvi Khurana's flat. I am the Landlord. I am sorry... I see! I've seen Prithvi's horoscope. You can let me see your daughter's as well. Daughter? Horoscope? Offer black mustard on Saturdays, along with oil. You're going through a bad phase, it's clearly visible. Yes, fine. Thank you very much. Thank you. Who is it? - Mr. Khurana. Yes, - We're from the bank. Bank? What do you want? Sir, we want to welcome you.. ...to our exclusive Platinum Club. Just give me a moment. If you want, we can come back later. - No, no, it's not. Sam! Sam! Get up. I'll just be with you. - Absolutely, sir. Take your time please. Sorry... Yeah-yeah. I'll be there, just give me a minute please. Sorry. Its okay, its okay. I am Tharwani. DK Tharwani, Vice President. Times Bank. Thank you. Hello, sir. Yes? Sir. Mr. Khurana, thank you very much.. ...for choosing our bank for such a big transaction. We are really honored. By the way, your lifestyle's quite simple. Mr. Khurana, this visiting card has my personal mobile number. Anytime, you need any amount. ...I am just a phone call away from here. Once again, thank you very much. For choosing our bank. And I hope you'll continue doing so in the future too. Thank you very much, Mr. Tharwani. Thank you very much, it's a pleasure meeting you, sir. And you too, ma'am. Thank you. Have a nice day, sir. Bye. - Okay, bye. Thank you. Bye. See you, bye. So...who was she? Is Megha's out of the picture? She Wasn't bad. Sam. - What's for lunch? Bloody cheapskate. You could've at least taken me to a decent place. You're a millionaire now, yet this is what you treat me to.. Speak softly. That's not my money. - I see. Tell me something. Did you know Dawood from the beginning? Are you crazy? Then...how could he choose you? Why you? You've no kin or kith. - Maybe that's why. Let's tell the police. Think about it. We'll get fame...and forune. Your photo will be on every newspaper and channel. Soon you'll be Great Prithvi Khurana. I am not sure about Great. But, I'll definitely be Late Prithvi Khurana. They know everything, Sam. Megha too. They won't spare us alive. This is a fine mess I got into. So what? You'll be a millionaire as well. You always thought, a few extra thousands in life.. ...would help you settle down. Just think, 200,000 for every delivery. You'll be rich. But it won't be my hard-earned money. Don't be foolish. It's a hard job to manage 100 cores. And then, you don't have a choice. Carry on with a smile. - What? Imagine that you're hurt - Yes. And you've to apply antiseptic over it. Now, you've two choices. Either you do it with a smile, or scream. We're decent people, Sam. Think about it...its illegal money. To hell with Decency. What else can you do? Prithvi, you know they're dangerous people. What happened? - Turn around, - What? That man's following us. See. Don't look.. - Yes, he's coming after us. I said speak softly. Now do one thing... Run! Run! Run, Sam. Save yourself. What the... Who was he? - He was the vendor. We forgot to pay him. You're too scared. Come on, let's go. Come on. What are you thinking? Nothing... About Megha. Did you tell her? It will scare her. Here... She has along life. Private Number calling. She won't die so easily. Hello. - Thank God you answered my call. Megha, you? Long life. I was just thinking about you. Why weren't you answering my call last night? Megha, I didn't realize when I fell asleep. Are you sure you're okay? Did you eat? - Yeah. I just had fritters with Sam. Fritters in the morning? Don't you have office today? - No. Megha, I thought about taking a break today. That's good. You've been quite tense the last few days. By the way, come with me to Shipra Mall in the evening. There's a big sale on wedding accessories. But...shopping for wedding now? It's the End of Season sale. And... I am ordering you, not asking you. You're coming with me. - Okay. What time? - Pick me up at 6. And now stop sulking. Bye. - Love you, bye. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8... Why did I tell this fool? One, ten, thousand, ten thousand... Lakh.. Sam! Isn't that right? How many, 8 or 9? Yes, Megha. Dawood! Yes? 6 o'clock, at the border. Under the bridge. ...there will be a black Scorpio parked near the river. Note down the number. Sir, you're mistaken. You can take your money back. I won't tell anyone anything, promise. Hello. Hello. Who is this? Hello! Note down the number... MH.4S.3268. Deliver 10 crore. What the. What a voice? Such bass. Now call Advani. - Tharwani. Whatever. It's pointless. If we have to get to the border by 6 we'll have to withdraw the money on the way. Hurry up then. Be on time. First impression is the lasting one. And I'll go with you. It's en-route to my call-center. I know that area really well. And...it's not safe for you to go alone. Megha won't spare me. - Make some excuse to her. Why do you think so much? You work for Dawood now. Don't be such a wimp. Yes, baby. - Megha. Prithvi, No excuses now. Megha, I am sorry. I've just been called to the office urgently. But you took an off today, didn't you? Yes, Megha, but you know my boss. He thinks he owns me. He thinks he owns me. - Oh, Prithvi, come on. You know I hate going alone. Look, Megha, I'll call you as soon as I've some free time. Please, bye. Come on. What did she say? What will she say? Let's go then. Tell me something... Dawood transferred that money... What's Wrong? Shut up. Do you have to take names? Sorry. He transferred the money to your account, right? So? Your account's platinum. Will you be more specific? Look, probably even he doesn't know where his money's lying, and in which accounts. I was saying...we'll go to Malkani... - Tharwani! Tharwani! - Yes. We'll go to Tharwani! Ask him for 15, and deliver 10. And the rest. What are you doing? Take a rickshaw and leave. I'll manage alone. Listen to me. You always said, if you had some spare money.. ...you would invest it in property. Right'? I was just saying... we'll buy a hot property. Sell it in a month or two, for a profitable price.. ...and give that money back. Simple. It was just a suggestion. Yes, please. We're hereto see Mr. Irani... We're hereto meet Mr. Tharwani. - Yes. Do you have an appointment? Tell him... Mr. Prithvi Khurana's here, personally. Don't be a wimp. - Okay. I am trying- Sh', you? What a surprise. Please come in. Please. - Thank you. Come in. Sit. Please sit. Sit down! You can go. Order, sir. Mr. Tharwani, we needed some money. Sir, why did you take the trouble? You could've called me, I would've delivered it personally. No, sir, we were close-by, so I thought. Sir, you're always welcome Mr. Khurana. Sorry, what would you like to have? Tea or coffee? - Don't you have something cold? Excuse him. No, We're in a bit of a hurry. So if you could hurry up.. - No problem, sir. How much? - Around.. 15! Crores... Fifteen! - Just a minute. Bring 15 cores in my cabin, cash. Okay.- Fine... Bring what we have. Sorry, sir. We cannot arrange for 15. But I've instructed them to get what we have. So...we can arrange for 10. - No problem.. That's strange. He's got vast sums of money in numerous accounts. But he never faced any problem in those places. Boss said 10... Stay in your limit. ...and you'll be happy and alive. Sign on these. It is 10 cores. Thank you very much, Mr. Khurana. It's a pleasure dealing with you. That bloody Tharwani too... He's Dawood after all. When he gets down to bat. ...he sets the field accordingly. Understand. Stop blabbering. Did you get your 15? Platinum account. What Platinum account. What will I say when he asks? You can see... I heard 15. Everything was going fine. But...you have to interfere, make a mess. What... You could've made it. - Fly over! Oh s""t. Hello, sir. We'll be there soon. Sir? Sir, Who? Where are you going? Megha, you? Take a right. I thought its Sam. Oh... Sam? Why? So now he has got a private number as well? By the way, where are you? Just outside my office. Fine, I am going to wait for your call. Megha, I'll call as soon as I am free. Please. Okay, bye. Mister, follow that red car. They were in a bad shape. I was concerned about my carpet. They will be there soon. Okay? You were told 6, right? There's no delay or rush in our business. 6 o'clock...means 6 o'clock! Rashida. I am boss's woman! Hello, sister-in-law. No... Not his wife. Just like you're his men, I am his woman. Get it? Come on, keep the stuff in the car. You asked for 15? He did. I tried to stop him. The Boss always forgives first mistake. But second...pack up. Now get lost. Lets go, quickly. Now that's a bomb. Will you ask sir for her number? Let's go. What are you doing? Come on. We're in trouble now. Easy, there's nothing in the car. What the. What are you doing? So.. - Sir. Hello, sir. Satbeer, I think they're addicts. Come out. Search them. They have nothing on them, sir. Where do you stay? - Mairoli. So...what do you do'? Do you have an ID card? Show me the papers. Papers! - Papers! Papers! Sir, this is the only paper we have. Keep it. Fine, let's go. Hello. Hello, Chaddha uncle. Throw this scrap away now, and buy a car. It just needs a little service, that's all. Not service, it's asking for retirement. And next time, don't expect me to push. I've got better things to push. I wonder what your sister-in-law must be thinking. Who sister-in-law? - Rashida. Rashida? - Yeah. We'll get married in Delhi, Honeymoon in Dubai. And then, straight to Switzerland. A bullet to your head. You lying on a pyre. And straight to Haridwar. Now push. Nonsense. You always speak negative. Come on. 1, 2, 3, 4... - Hail Hanuman. Hail Bajranbali. - It's the same thing. Have you got the rent money? I'll pay UP- Good job, boys. Good job. Anybody for a drink? Come on, boys, relax. We're like a family now. Sit. I said sit down. You...here? Why? Can't I come here? Of course you can. But how did you get here? Come. Sir always says, workers should be paid.. ...before their sweat dries up. This is 200,000. Sorry, sorry... 25,000 less. You can count them. Yes. I never leave anything incomplete. Alcohol or...accounts! We'll meet again...soon. Bye. What are you looking for? Sam, where did he come from? You fool, you think he came from there. When he can make your account a Platinum account.. "Then, can't he get a duplicate key to your house. And... We're millionaires now. What is it? Hold on. First ask who's at the door? Who is it? - Bhai. Patel Bhai. Prithvi.. Sorry, Mr. Patel. We just. What? Mr. Patel. 25,000 rupees. 8 for last month, 8 for this month. Good. - And 8 for next month, advance. And this 1000 rupees. - Keep it. All that the Lord has given us is... Money. Is his marriage fixed? - Marriage? That man came here in the morning, with his daughter. I just saw him leave. Yes, right Mr. Patel. It's fixed. But not with his daughter. - Then? With him. Long commitment. Stay away. Mr. Patel, do come for the wedding. You say absurd things, don't you Sam. Think about it. Prithvi Weds Tharwani. Shut up, Sam. Why did you give 25 to Patel? 1000 rupees is a lot of money. When will you stop being a cheapskate? Didn't you like throwing the money on his face? What a wonderful feeling? It was a wonderful feeling. Yes, sir. Definitely, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I'll send Sharma. Yes, sir. I'll keep you updated. Thank you, sir. Hello, uncle. So Megha, how's everything? I hope you didn't have to wait too long? No, and I hope I am not disturbing you. No, no, what are you saying? Family comes first. So what is it? You sounded trouble over the phone last night. Uncle, I.. - Hold on. What would you like to have? - No, uncle. Nothing, thank you. Have some Samosas. Hold on. - No, uncle. Eat it, I'll get to eat it too. Boy, get two plates. Sharma, I am sending you all the details. Yes, fine. And remember, it's 6 month worth hard work. Don't mess it up. Left it or you lost it. Ii'.- Okay, I am sending it to you. Okay.- Sorry, dear. Now tell me. Dear, I don't think it's anything serious. But, since you're insisting. Give me his number. Uncle, I know he's in big trouble. But I don't know why he's hiding it from me? Don't worry, dear. Sometimes things seem very complicated in life. But actually, they are quite simple. Alright. Thank you, uncle. I'll take your leave now. Finish these first. - No.. Look at how emotional they're looking. All alone. - No uncle, some other day. Thank you. Bye. Children these days. Prithvi Khurana. "It's destiny...stare all you want." "It's destiny...stare all you want." 6 o'clock, 10 cores. At Shipra Mall, parking lot. "Its destiny...stare all you want." "That's fate...it changes color all the time." 'Dead bodies are taken to the crematorium, not the parlor.' "Sometimes it's too generous." "Sometimes it's cruel." "Looks beautiful, but 50"" your future." "lt's' no blessing." "Too depressing." "Dresses up your wounds and hurts you in the same place." "It's half-headed." "Falls and gets up again." "Don't get tensed for any reason." "It's destiny...stare all you want." "It's destiny...stare all you want." "It's destiny...stare all you want." "It's destiny...changes color all the time." "Throws you ups and downs." "Humiliates you.." "Sc"""s you from both ends." "And makes you dance to its tunes." "Gives you sweet surprise, takes you very high." "And lands you in a hole." "It's half-headed." "Falls and gets up again." "Don't get tensed for any reason." "It's destiny...stare all you want." "It's destiny...stare all you want." "It's destiny...stare all you want." "It's destiny...changes color all the time." "It's destiny... "It's destiny... "It's destiny...stare all you want." "It's destiny... changes color all the time." So We'll keep them in the loop about the design. Yeah. Sure. I'll just join you. - Okay. Hello, uncle. Find out anything? Dear... - Yes! Something is terribly wrong, Megha. - What? 230 incoming calls in the last month. And...15 outgoing. I don't understand. 20 calls were made to 9899997353. - Yes. Sam's number. The rest are from your private number given by me. And...the 15 outgoing calls were to your number. But, uncle... - What uncle? He's such a devoted boy. You girls just need a reason to doubt us. Uncle, but. - But he was with his friend, Wasn't he? Maybe they were out running some chore. But if you still suspect him, you can ask. Fine. Thank you, uncle. I troubled you for no reason. Yes, you although one thing does bother me. 230 incoming call, and only 15 outgoing? I guess he's a cheapskate. Thanks, uncle. Bye. What a house. Take a look. It's in Switzerland, only 35 cores. 35 cores only. Think. Think. Megha and you on the ground floor. Me and numerous girls on the top floor. We'll have great fun. Hello. - How are you? Hi. How are you? Were you expecting someone else to call? No. Why would I expect anyone else to call? Is everything okay? - Yes, Megha. But why are you asking? Who was that girl in the black Scorpio? Black Scorpio? I saw you there, Prithvi. What are you hiding? Megha...we.. Actually...we were on a picnic.. No, no...we were.. - Listen, Prithvi. You're hiding stuff from me. I want to know now! What happened? I would've never told you this, Megha. But since you saw us.. Taneja...received an extortion call. - Yes. Who? Your boss? - Yes. They were asking for 10 cores. Otherwise they would've killed Taneja and his family. I just went to make the delivery. Oh my, God Prithvi. Why did you take such a big risk? What if something had happened to you? Yes, you're right. But, don't worry. Everything's alright now. I am sorry that I lied to you, Megha. Megha, We're about to go on air. - But, Prithvi. I am going to have to call you back. Bye. Not bad. Finally you're learning. What am I doing? - What happened? Wrong. All wrong. I will tell Megha everything. I will tell her everything. - Are you crazy, Prithvi. Hello, Megha. I am really sorry. I lied to you. But it was a serious matter, Megha. Meet me now. I will tell you everything. I am listening. Sir...you? What were you going to tell Megha? What would I say? I would've made some excuse. As long she doesn't know, she's safe. Yes... I won't tell her anything. 10 cores...same time, same place. Yes. The bloody coward. He should've gone to the police. And why did he involve you? Megha, he trusts me. And these things are easier to say. But someone who's been through it knows. But, Prithvi, you should've convinced Taneja. And you could've told me. You know Chhada uncle is always there. And Taneja must have contacts as well. I guess, when your kin are in danger. ...everyone falls weak! Yes. Everyone does it for their kin, Prithvi. But only you help others in their problems too. You even do wrong things, the right way. My baby I know, you were trying to help him. Well, at least you're okay. How's your job? And, have they taken a decision on your designs? No, not yet. I guess it will take couple of more weeks. It's the same story everywhere. Set your mood straight. Let's go watch a movie. JAM has an offer for couples. Two tickets for the price of one. Really? Let's watch the 6 o'clock show. - No, no. Not the 6 o'clock show. Don't they have any afternoon show? Actually, it's very crowded in the evening. I don't think We'll get tickets. I sea. Fine, let's see the 3 o'clock show. - Yeah. 3 is good. megha...tea! - Oh no! Always asks me to be on time, and she's late. "Indian has managed to save this match again." We would like to give this news. ...that, Underworld Don Dawood's been shot dead by Dubai Police. There was an encounter in Dubai. We're showing you this news first in News24. We'll show you live pictures from Dubai.. ...how Underworld Don Dawood was shot dead. You're watching these exclusive pictures on News24! Where are you, Megha? Hello. Megha. Hello...yeah! Just a minute. Are you there already? Yes, Megha. But there's bad news. What happened? - Uncle... What's happened? - Uncle! - Uncle? Sam's uncle is dead. - Oh no! I am going to see him. I mean, he's in really bad shape. I'll call Sam right away. - No, don't do that. I mean...he's got to perform all the rituals. Yes, I understand. But call me if you need anything. Okay, take care. - You too. Bye. Sam! Sam! Get up! What happened? Get up. Let me sleep. Did you watch the TV? Did you get a new one? - Did you watch the TV or not? Did you watch the TV or not? Just tell me. - Hold on. Look... look.. And once again on News24 We're bringing news about Dawood. Yes, well-known underworld Don. Dawood. ...was killed in an encounter this morning. This news is straight from Dubai. He was shot dead in an encounter with Dubai Police. He's dead. He's dead. He made us rich. Nothing more to fear. - The money is all ours. "Let's Watch. . " "Who's got the guts?" "A little less scared." "My friend." Megha. So this is how you mourn someone's death? Mourn? - Megha, his uncle.. Of course. course. Megha, my uncle's got lots of.. - Sam! Can you please leave us alone? I Warned you, Prithvi. I want to know what happened. Megha, take a seat. - I said I want to know what's going on. I'll tell you.. Did you know Dawood? Do I look like someone from his gang? So why did he.. - I don't know. And the rest of the money. - I was wondering the same thing. I think you should tell the police. Are you mad? Do you think the police will believe me so easily? Why don't you just say it clearly. "That, you plan on keeping the rest of the money? What? - Murders, extortions."bomb-blasts. How disgusting, Prithvi. I am going to Chhada uncle. - Megha. Don't scream at me. - What else should I do? You have changed, Mr. Prithvi Khurana. First you hid it from me, and now the police. Megha. Megha, stop. Megha. Megha. - What's wrong with her? Nothing. I think I said too much in a fit of rage. I'll go calm her down. - Relax. Listen to me, she'll come back herself. She's become too arrogant. ...because you give her too much impedance. And anyway, you're a billionaire now, right? Come on. No, Sam. Nothing's more important than Megha. Megha. Megha, it's not what you think. There's nothing on my mind. You really think I want to keep that money? If it was just about me.. "Then, I would've gone to the police. But there's nothing more important for me than you. Tell me. We'll go to Chhada uncle. But before that I need to prove I am not a criminal. Don't get me wrong. I am not wrong, Megha. I am not wrong. But don't ever lie to me again, Prithvi. Never. I promise. I love you a lot, Megha. I will never lie to you again. Fortune is smiling on us, but no. We're happy the way we are. It's either whisky or water or ice Never all three. I don't remember when was the last time.. ...I had a decent peg. God doesn't give this opportunity to everyone. The rest is your choice. No, Sam. Anything wrong can never be right. Poison is also used to make life-saving drugs. Things aren't right or wrong. It should be used in the right way. - Correct! And the right way is.. "That we go to the police. Whether you go to Chhada or the CM. Until yesterday, you took my advice when you were 50"" Now listen to this. For a week we've been living on someone else's terms. Before life is back on the rocks, let's live it out one night. Carefree... On our own terms. You can do whatever you want. I want nothing to do with that money. What's your problem, Megha? You're the only one with the problem. - Hold on, guys. Hold on. Who says we need to spend that money? Sam, you want to have fun, don't you? - Yes. Okay.- Today the party's on me. Yes! Move! Party! "Cars can't travel without petrol." "Petrol." "Bullets can't fire without pistol." "Pistol." "Cars can't travel without petrol." "Bullets can't fire without pistol." "Just like that baby..." "No drinking means no control" "Fan of your smile." "Camera on your mobile." "Use it with me sometime." "Use it with me sometime." "Be...naughty..." "Be naughty..." "Click selfies..." "Be naughty..." "Click selfies..." "Be naughty..." "Get drunk and click selfies..." "Be naughty..." "Click selfies..." "Click it... When will you click it?" "When will you click my pics?" "Baby. . " "First promise me.. Promise me.." "Won't click my naughty pics." "Or you'll get beaten up." "Beaten up. - By Who" "My dad will beat you up." "Beat me.." "Beat me?" "I guess your dad's never heard about Meet." "We've kept a party after taking a loan" "After partying hard, she asks who you are." "Look me up on Google." "I am a boy very well known." "Very well known." "Huge goggles and eyes are small." "Wearing high heels she looks so tall." "Just like Sunny Leone..." "Become my Baby Doll." "Fan of your smile." "Camera on your mobile." "Use it with me sometime." "Use it with me sometime." "Be...naughty..." "Be naughty..." "Click selfies..." "Be naughty..." "Click selfies..." "Be naughty..." "Get drunk and click selfies..." "Be naughty..." "Click selfies..." "Say yes...my boy... don't bother me." "Say yes...my boy... don't bother me." "Say yes...my boy... hold my hands." "Say yes...my boy... don't bother me." "Fan of your smile." "Camera on your mobile." "Use it with me sometime." "Use it with me sometime." "Be...naughty..." "Be naughty..." "Click selfies..." "Be naughty..." "Click selfies..." "Be naughty..." "Get drunk and click selfies..." "Be naughty..." "Click selfies..." "Be naughty..." "Get drunk and click selfies..." "Be naughty..." "Click selfies..." "Be naughty..." "Be naughty..." Megha, I love you. Finished celebrating my death? Who? I Warned you... Don't lay eyes on my money. Now go find your Megha. Megha. Megha. Megha. Megha. Megha. Megha. Megha. Oh, God! Oh no! Megha. Megha. Megha. Megha. Baby, are you okay? Megha. I won't spare whoever did this, Sam. Megha. Megha. Megha. I can't leave her alone, Sam. - You go. I'll take a taxi. Hi. I told you, no one should get physically hurt'? Why did you do it? This was the only way to stop Prithvi. What nonsense? He Wasn't going to the police. But, Sam, I thought... - I was here to think. What do you mean? We keep our share, he keeps his And next time, you ask me before taking any step. Got it? I am so sorry, Megha. I am so sorry. Prithvi. Who? Prithvi. Sam, what happened? Sam. Say something. Sam'? I made a big mistake. Where are you coming from? You will never forgive me. Come on, let's go to the police. - What's Wrong? Did Davvood's men.. - There's no Dawood. It's all a lie! What? I shouldn't have believed her. Who? Rachael. I mean Rashida. New Year's Eve, Goa. Hello. Excuse me, that was my drink. Vic, give this man what he Wants. It's on me. Looks to die for, and money to spend on me. My dream girl. The amazing thing was that she was in love with me. Do you know why I love you so much? Because I am tall...dark and handsome. No? It's because you're full of life. Just like me. I see, show me. - What are you doing? Just checking to see if you're made in heaven. Like every day, I was chatting with Rachael online. She wished me good luck and sent me a link to a site. I clicked on it. And a window to a lottery site popped up. I needed a debit card to play the lottery. My card was declined, as always. So... I had completely forgotten about the lottery. And one day I received a mail. Jackpot. 1.5 crore pounds. I went crazy. 100 crore rupees. I couldn't believe that. ...someone's fate could change like this. But then I thought "Whose fate". Because the money was in your name. ...and transferred to your account. 50 for you, and 50 for me. I'll say that clearly to Prithvi. And he will agree. Legally, this is all his money. We're talking about 50 cores, Sam. Brothers don't trust each other when it comes to money. Prithvi is just your roommate. I also thought you will never give me my share. And then... Rachael suggested a plan. Only one man could help us now. Tharwani. But...it would be illegal, right'? Sir, We're just taking his name. We're not actually working with Dawood. No need to worry. And I know Prithvi too well. You just. - But still. Mr. Thawani, 2 cores is not a small amount. If you could raise it to 5... - Done! Thank you. Thank you very much. Rachael would call you from a voice modulator. - Did you go to the ATM? Posing as Dawood. Dawood. Dawood! We used a software. ...that would route calls through Megha's number, Tharwani handled the bank's legalities and paperwork. Everything was going according to plan. We had our 40 cores. You're watching News24... But fate... - Well-known underworld Don Dawood. Dawood actually died. We had to bring him alive. Hello, Rachael. Did you see the news? - Yes. And to get the remaining 10... Let's live one night... Carefree. On our own terms! Megha. Megha. - But, what Rachael did with Megha last night was never pad of our plan. Taxi. And last night when I went to Rachael's home. Once the job is done, DK I am going to kill that son-of-a-b?" He's just a kid. Let him do what he Wants. Oberoi's pressurizing me too much. He's giving me only 2 more days. 2 days? We still need to get 60 cores, DK. I have a plan. And the money. He's asked me to wait until 4pm tomorrow, that's all. Cheers. But I never wanted to cheat you. I would've taken my share and gone far away. But I didn't know that. ...Rachael would go crazy for the money. Why? Didn't you? I told you...there's no such thing as easy money. But no. You always wanted a shortcut in life. Did you get your shortcut? My money? My life? Did you ever think beyond that, Sam? You're a fool, Sam. You're being fooled since Day 1. This is all a trap. Prithvi. Megha, you don't know he's put us in big trouble. I am ready to take all the blame. You will be fine. I will confess to everything. What do you think? What do you think, Sam? Tharwani... Rashida, they will spare you. And the police will arrest them on your statement? I have proof. Are you connected? How is this possible? The jackpot notification is missing. Do you remember the lottery site? Oh no! Fake site. . fake lottery. It was meant only for you, Sam. But the money came. That Wasn't lottery money. It was all about the link which. ...Rashida... Rachael sent you. And Oberoi? Who is Oberoi? I don't know. I heard his name for the first time. It's his money. So what's this about lottery? Money laundering! It's got to be. Prithvi, this is definitely some racket. ...for transferring money to India. They get the money, and taxes on my head. Not just tax, but. ...whoever owns this money will have to disclose. ...where he got the money from. Infect, I'm surprised that. ...you still haven't received any notification from RBI. He will. But on Monday. Tharwani suggested that. He was going to notify RBI on Friday.. ...so that you don't get any notification due to the weekend. And we would've gone far away by Monday. It's important to prove where he got the money from. And who transferred it. Or else We'll all be dead. So then let's not waste any time. Let's go to Chhada uncle right now. He'll know what to do. No, Megha. Now only Oberoi can save us. Oberoi? Meaning... To hell with decency now! "No one talks decently these days." "The night's still young..." There must be thousands of Oberois in Delhi. But only a few that deal in billions. Megha, use your news center's database. ...how many Oberoi's net worth is more than a billion. Sam. Do you still have the software. ...you used to route your calls through Megha's phone? Actually, Rachael has it. - Great. Because We're going to see her now. "All the tales of decency that we'd heard..." "Are all wrapped up tucked away." "The place where we built our dreams." "Is being threatened by plunderers." "Either you go corrupt, or sweat it out." "Because to hell with decency now." "Because to hell with decency now." "Because to hell with decency now." No worry, baby. I got a surprise for you. "There's noise from everywhere." "Someone earns someone else benefits." You always asked when I will introduce you to my parents. Well, here come mom and dad. "It's either the Devil or the deep sea." "Either you go corrupt, or sweat it out." "Because to hell with decency now." Any leads? Ramcharan Oberoi, Builder. Net worth 1200 cores. Tejinder Oberoi, Hotelier. Net worth 2500 cores. And Dev Dayal Oberio, Exporter. Net worth 5600 cores. If our Oberoi is one of them... "then, he won't care about losing a few 100 cores. Exactly. And all three are highly respected people in the society. They are all absolutely clean. Yeah... with money comes respect. We don't have the time to think about all that. Let's go. Inky-pinky-Ponky. Sam. Tejinder. Hello. Hello. Good evening, sir. This is Samuel Lawson, from Care about Hair. If I may ask, what hair type are you? Curly...or silky straight. I'm not interested, thank you. It's a hair-raising offer, sir. Next. Yeah... next. Dev Dayal Oberoi. Prithvi, I think he's grown suspicious. 'Please stay online... or call after sometime.' It's a stupid plan. Come on, dial the third one. - Yeah. Ramcharan Oberoi. Good evening, sir. Hello. Hello. Hello. Cannot talk right now. The car is outside, load the money. DL 9C QS 2232. Stupid. The problem's with you, not the car. Let's go. Oberoi? Hello. Malchamarg. Make the delivery in 60 minutes. Sir, I didn't understand. Malchamarg. 60 minutes. What didn't you understand? No.. - Is there a problem, Tharwani. No, sir...it's alright. Stop the car. The call... Bloody hell. Sir, there's the car. Yes, Mr. Mittal. I need 20 cores urgently. But only for few hours. Call me back please. Sir, this account's been frozen. An FIR was filed against this account this morning. Who did it? - Account holder Prithvi Khurana. Bloody hell. Hello. Why did you freeze your account? Who is this? - DK Tharwani. Who Irani? - Why did you freeze your account? Sir asked me to freeze the account. When did... Sir call? He called me this morning. Is Sam with you? No, he left for Kanpur last night. He said he'll return in a week or two. Come to my office right now. Okay.- Rachael, you... Sir, Mr. Prithvi Khuranna is Here to meet you himself... Himself? Send him in! What's this? Your application... to activate your account. I don't have a death-wish. You'll be fine, my guarantee. Your guarantee's worth nothing, Mr. Tharwani. You just work for Him as well. I had a word with him, and he's told you to do so. I see. He.. I don't have the time for all this so why don't you sign the paper. Now I know why don asked me to freeze the account. Don! Don! Don! There's no Don! No Don! And the phone calls? Rashida used to make those calls. Rashida. - She worked for me. So ask her to call me. The b"""h ran off with my money, with Sam. Sam'? Your money? What are you saying, Mr. Tharwani'? Sign the paper. No,Tharwani sir, please. I'm dead anyway. If I don't sign, you will kill me. And if I sign, they will kill Megha. Who? - I don't know. This morning don sent some men. They told me to freeze the account. And I have to do as they say. I Warned you. Stay in your limits, and you'll stay alive. I'm asking you one last time. Think before you speak. No,Tharwani sir, please. I did as I was told. I am telling you the truth. Everything. Please. Please. God promise. Tharwani - it's Bhai calling. Answer it, please. He will tell you everything. Hello. Tharwani. - Yes, sir. Tell him that I am here. Here.. Where's my delivery? - It'll be done, sir. Don't worry. Ask him to speak to me personally. ...and I'll sign immediately. It'll be done? I am Worried about you now, Tharwani. Mr. Tharwani, tell him about Sam and Rashida. Shut up! Are you threatening me? 2, 5, 10...were fine. But such a big amount. I've been against it since Day 1. The bank has some rules, sir. Don't try to teach Ramcharan Oberoi. The police will never arrest Ramcharan Oberoi. I'll be the collateral damage. But remember, Ramcharan Oberoi.. ...if I get arrested, I'll take everyone with me. I'll decide...who stays...who goes. Prithvi, listen to my story. This money doesn't belong to any Don. It's not mine either. It belongs to someone else. Mr. Oberoi? It's a big game. And...our lives hold no value in this game. A huge amount was supposed. ...to be transferred from abroad. We targeted Sam. The money would've been transferred to his account. ...and we would've extorted it from him. And he would've got stuck in the tax liability. No business, no proof. But that dog played the lottery with your card. And you got in this mess. And we had to play this game with you. But, Mr. Tharwani. I am in big trouble. Look son...you're a sensible boy. I will help you out. This is India. There's always a way out. Meaning? Sign the paper. And get arrested, right? 6 months, tops. Infect, you'll be out on bail in a month or two. I'll get you out. Okay... Look up. I'll give you 1 crore. How about I pay you in advance? And Sam? Sign on this. I'll find those two. Really, Mr. Tharwani, you never leave anything incomplete. Not even your confession. Hey. Got it, guys? - Yeah. Megha, call Chhada uncle. - You're in a mess. Done. He's on his way. You should've taken the 1 crore. Breaking news on News24... A youngster from Delhi, Prithvi Khurana. ...risked his life, and exposed the biggest. "Money-laundering scam of the country. "The police will never arrest Ramcharan Oberoi." "I'll be the collateral damage." "The police will never arrest Ramcharan Oberoi." Call a press conference right now! And prepare a counter-statement. Mr. Oberoi. Such a big racket, and dangerous people. And there was a threat to your life too. Danger. - Well.. Danger at every step. That's why I.. I mean...we risked our life to help the Delhi Police. The Government isn't rewarding us with 2 cores for nothing. Actually, there's another thing I want to say. It's not just about the reward. It's the duty of every honest and brave Indian. Money isn't everything. So, Mr. Khurana, would you like to say something to our viewers? All I would like to say is that. ...it's important to do the right thing. But it's also important to ensure. "That no one's taking advantage of you. Dawood! "No one talks decently these days." "The nights are young, no one's scared." "When I tried walking down the path." "I realized I was going straight." "I had heard about getting into trouble." "But We're in a big mess now." "The place where I built my castle of dreams." "Is being threatened by plunderers." "Either you join hands, or sweat it out." "Because to hell with decency now." "Because to hell with decency now." "Because to hell with decency now." "There's noise from everywhere." "Some make big bucks, while others make nothing." "His gait's staggering." "No matter where he goes, he's bound to fall." "Either you join hands, or sweat it out." "Because to hell with decency now." "Because to hell with decency now." "Because to hell with decency now." "Again." "The entire World wanders around." "Everyone says, it's my turn now." "You'll keep swearing." "..and this journey will continue." "Don't turn a blind-eye, or else you'll pay for it dearly." "Either you join hands, or sweat it out." "I had heard about getting into trouble." "But We're in a big mess now." "The place where I built my castle of dreams." "Is being threatened by plunderers." "Either you join hands, or sweat it out." "Either you join hands, or sweat it out." "Because to hell with decency now." "Because to hell with decency now." "Because to hell with decency now." 'A Digital Desi Releasers Presentation...' Eddie: Everyone thought my pops was the nicest guy in Orlando. [Chuckles] But he had a guilty pleasure. He loved gangster movies... immigrants fighting for their piece of the American dream. Eh, so many bullets. [Chuckles] And deep down, he was the same way. Because when it came to providing for his family, he would do whatever it took. [Siren wailing] [Both panting] [Heart beating] Aah! Whoa! But my shoe! - Leave it! - Oh, no! Let me tell you something about that shoe! Nordstroms hardly ever has a sale. And one time, by the grace of God... - No time for a speech! - Ooh! Aah! No! My shoe! Aah! S01E07 Showdown at the Golden Saddle ♪ Fresh off the boat ♪ ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪ ♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know ♪ ♪ Fresh off the boat ♪ ♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from ♪ ♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪ ♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪ My dad was excited to show us the newest promotion for his restaurant. My mom, on the other hand, was less enthused. It's a sunny day in Orlando, you're driving down the street... No, you're driving. Well, I'm setting the scene, building suspense for when you guys see the restaurant billboard. - Play along. - "Play"? I don't like to play. Well, you don't, but you are not you. No, you are a beefy lake-house owner in town for the sailing convention, and you are hungry. No, I'm not. I just had grapes. Damn it! [Sighs] [Rapping] ♪ I'm not the Butler ♪ ♪ I'll cut ya, headbutt ya ♪ Mom, Eddie's rapping at my always-there bear. Did they give you that pin for narc-ing? No, that's tattle-turtle. This is for the school's best attendance record. Why is this billboard so far away? You could have put it here. Or here. Or here. Louis: Well, those big companies can afford to put billboards anywhere. I have to be more strategic. See? Now, this is the best billboard spot in all of Orlando. It's the longest red light, there's no tall buildings to block the view, and there's a homeless man who's always on the corner, reminding drivers that they're hungry. Is that a bird in his pocket? Yes. It's dead. So, naturally, you divert your eyes away from him, you turn your head, and you look up to see... Whoa, cool! Did you really hold up that cow? ! Yeah, I did. It was heavy, too. He had just had lunch. [School bell rings] Meanwhile, I had my own problems, but they weren't at school. As tough as school was, it was a cakewalk compared to the bus. [Indistinct conversation] ♪ Wild, wild west ♪ [Indistinct shouting] ♪ Wild, wild west ♪ - Boy: Got ya! - Boy 2: Oh-oh! No fair! The bus was the only part of the day without adult supervision. So me and the other sixth graders were left to fend for ourselves. If you wanted to survive, you had to stay up front and pretend to sleep. If you didn't, things could get ugly. I just glad I got to keep ol' Bess here. My teachers usually like to keep my projects, but that's not fair to my parents. They fund my creations... [Screams] [Crunch! ] Oh, Bess! [Clatter] Fool. Better him than us. Sure, the driver was there, but he wasn't paid enough to care. [Sighs] Lucky hands. Lucky hands. The only bright spot on the daily hell ride was my neighbor Nicole. She was as tough as a stale tootsie roll, and I loved it. [Sighs] Hey. [Shouting continues] [Laughter] ♪ wild, wild west ♪ What are you looking at? ♪ Wild, wild west ♪ I'll get this to his mother. One bloomin' onion. Uh, Mitch, I think you meant to say booming onion. [Chuckles] "Blooming onion" is the intellectual property of another, less-good restaurant, okay? Right. Like they have potato skins, but we have tomato skins. Nope. No, no. No, none of your ideas... no tomato skins, no jalapeno toppers, and no buffalo things. You know, I don't have to take this. I get job offers all the time from other restaurants. There's heat on Mitch. Oh, yeah. Louis, you were right about the billboard. I told you. The place has been packed all day. People have been coming up to me and talking to me about it. Hmm. One lady even let me cut in front of her in line at the grocery store. Wow, you usually get into fights at the grocery store. I know! [Chuckles] And we have been invited to the chamber of commerce charity-fundraising event. Hmm. It's at a country club! [Gasps] [Chkles] Why are you so excited about a country club? Because of "Caddyshack"! It's my favorite movie... set in a country club. I've always wanted to go to one. Hmm. [Chuckles] "Spaulding, get your foot off the boat!" [Laughs] It's so much yelling. It's so good. [School bell rings] [Indistinct shouting] Tess is not with Nicole today. This is my chance to sit next to her. Shut up. You'll get us all killed. I need to show her that I'm not just a little kid that naps on the bus, and I'm gonna do it with this. I'm holding up Ice Cube's "Predator" album. "Parental advisory." Once she gets I listen to badass music, she'll know I'm down. ♪ Unh-unh ♪ [Rapping] ♪ and, no, I'm not the Butler, I'll cut ya ♪ ♪ Headbutt ya, you say you can't touch this ♪ ♪ And I wouldn't touch ya, in fact I'll buck ya ♪ ♪ Unh ♪ ♪ here to let you know, boy, oh, boy ♪ Feel this, girl. ♪ This ain't no kind of motion picture ♪ Damn, you're a grown-ass man. ♪ I'll get... ♪ ♪ Check yo self before you wreck yo self ♪ ♪ 'Cause I'm bad for your health ♪ ♪ I come real stealth, ye-e-e-ah ♪ ♪ Check yo self before you wreck yo self ♪ ♪ Chickety-check yo self before you wreck yo self ♪ ♪ 'Cause tricks like you is ♪ ♪ B-a-a-ad for my ♪ ♪ he-e-e-alth ♪ Both: ♪ hmm ♪ ♪ You better ♪ [Auto-tuned] ♪ check yo se-e-e-e-e-e-if ♪ Yeah. Dave: Hey, did you just fall asleep for real? You cannot fall asleep for real. Shut up. [Sighs] I'm going back there. I can't watch this. ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ How did it go? They took my pants and threw it out the window. ♪ Dig, dig, I dig, dig, I dig ♪ [Scatting] It took me forever to get home from school that day without my pants, so I had a lot of time to think. If I was gonna share headphones with Nicole, it wasn't gonna happen on the bus. I needed one-on-one time with her. Thanks. See you in carpool tomorrow, Mrs. Wilson. [Car door closes] Eddie: Carpool. Who said that? Is someone in there? No. [Panting] A bush kid! Which one says I am rich enough to be invited but not rich enough that you could ask me to donate money? I think the one with the Tokyo Disney on the label. Mom, I don't want to ride the bus anymore. I want to carpool, and here's 50 reasons why I... - Okay. - Okay? ! Well, what can I say, you caught me in a charitable mood. But not too charitable. Yes, girl. Yes. Great! [Chuckles] Oh, hey. Maybe your stepdaughter Nicole would like to join? Sure. I'll ask Marvin, and then he'll ask her, and she'll tell him what her answer is. It's like the way we communicate at dinner. Takes a long time to get the salt. [Exhales sharply] Yes! That seat's taken. Get in the back. Are you saving that seat for your attitude? My bus friends already miss me, so they dropped off this breakfast burrito. So sweet. Get in the back. Dad, why are you coming? Oh. I want to see the billboard glistening in the morning dew. Okay, but don't do anything embarrassing in front of Nicole. [High-pitched voice] Ooh! Aah-choo-NY! [Sniffs] Oh. Come on. [Normal voice] What? That's how I sneeze. [Sniffs] - Okay, get in. Let's go. - But we don't have Nicole yet! Oh, she's not coming. Honey said Nicole told Marvin that she's happy on the bus. But don't worry. Your best friend, Mark, is here. Hi! Who's that? I don't even know who he is! You don't recognize me because we always have our eyes closed, but I ride the bus with you. So happy not to have to do that anymore. Get in. [Van door closes] Mark, have you ever seen a billboard? Picture yourself a hungry accountant who's just taken his kids to Disney world. Mm-hmm. ♪ Baby, here I am ♪ ♪ I got that good love, girl, you didn't know? ♪ ♪ All I need is one more chance ♪ And... the homeless man with the dead bird cues us to turn our heads, look up to the sky, and... aah! Whoa! There's chorizo in here! Those guys. Folks, I promise, we'll get someone to clean it as soon as we can. Nobody tried to stop them? ! Everyone just stood around and watched my husband's face get milked on? Nobody's gonna believe I let a cow do that to me, right? I wouldn't worry. Probably just random kids in the area. This is anatomically impossible. Everybody know you got to squeeze the teat to produce the milk. I just wish it didn't look like I was enjoying it so much. [Horn honking] Why won't they hurry up? Calm your panties. You calm your panties! I'm gonna be marked absent! And they'll take away my always-there bear! All because of your stupid carpool. Hey, I hate it, too. Guys, come on. don't say that about the carpool. [Sighs] I'm going back to the bus. [Horn honking] It may be hell, but at least I get to see Nicole. Well, you'll also get to see her tonight. - What? - I heard mom invite her over after she said no to the carpool. [Exhales sharply] Why does everyone hate this? [Horn honks] Why won't they hurry up? ! [Horn blares] [Doorbell rings] Oh, hey, girl. Didn't know you were coming over tonight. Caught me strengthening my hands. Wow. Everything okay? Oh, yeah. We're gonna have a great time. Bye, sweetie. Have fun babysitting. "Babysitting"? Honey, I'm glad that you did not wear a yellow dress because I am wearing a yellow dress. Well, you did call me and say not to wear yellow... okay, I will see you at the country club. Bye. [Laughing] Bye. Nicole, come in. Um... [Door closes]...is that old lady self-sufficient? Because my parents showed me "Cocoon" when I was little, and I just can't. Oh, she's fine. She'll fight you for dominance and then fall asleep. Okay. Babysitting? Why can't grandma watch us? Because last time, she charged me $100 an hour. _ All right, we've got to get going. Nicole, some ground rules... no scary movies. Jessica: If you watch "Jurassic Park," fast-forward when the water glass trembles. Eddie doesn't like it when the T. Rex gives the jeep the big eye. He also has gentle bowels, so only bland foods. What is happening? They should all be in bed by 9:00, and if anyone feels warm, there's a thermometer and flintstones chewables. Both: Orange, orange, grape. And, Nicole, I missed school this morning, so they took away my always-there bear, and I feel... - Okay, they're all yours! - Open bar ends at 7:00, bye! Thank you! ♪ Unh, unh, unh, unh ♪ Look at us... all dressed up, going to a country club. [Chuckles] "Hey, everybody, we're all gonna get laid!" [Chuckles] That's also a line from "Caddyshack." Ah. [Chuckles] This is all because of you, Louis. When we first moved down here and you opened the restaurant, everybody doubted you, including me. Hmm. But you saw something that no one else did. You are a visionary. Thank you. That's nice to hear. You know, when I first move us down here... [gasps] What the hell? ! "Thief"? As in sneaky! They are calling us sneaky asians! Random kids, my ass... we are being targeted! What my mom didn't know was that the billboard was right... my dad was sneaky. Cattleman's Ranch was a total knockoff of Golden Saddle. [Texan accent] And that's what you get when you buy a Golden Saddle franchise. It's all covered in this confidential operations manual. He rolled into town and jacked their manual because, like I said, he would do whatever it took. [Breathing heavily] It's a hate crime. It's a hate crime! I mean, it's obvious! Probably just random kids again. No! If it was random kids, they would have hit the Hoagie King! It paints itself, really. [Piano music playing] You know, when sheryl and I started angel smile wish, we never thought we'd touch so many tiny hearts. So, please, give generously. Mm-hmm. Hmm. Is this charity for children or dogs? You know, I thought it was for the environment. Okay, back to my thing. So, like I was saying, it's a hate crime. [Chuckling] She's jumping to conclusions. Oh, how beautiful is this butter? [Chuckles] Seashells! I think I can hear the ocean. [Laughs loudly] You're starting early. You know, some people just can't stand to see minorities succeed. It's Mike Tyson all over again. He's doing great, he's killing it, and then they make him marry the actress from "Boomerang," and bam! ... Champ is broke. Halle Berry? No, the sexy, mean one with the pretty toes. Well, you know, our councilman is sitting right over there. You should tell him that this happened. That's a good idea. He should know about a hate crime happening in his district. Uh, Jessica, stop! What is wrong with you? I'm just gonna tell our councilman. I need to show you something. ♪ I h something coming out of... ♪ I don't believe this. This is exactly our restaurant. They copied us. [Bell jingles] No, Jessica. I copied them. [Indistinct conversations] [Bell jingles] [Coins clinking] [Upbeat music plays] Sorry about before. I didn't know my mom had hired someone to co-babysit with me. But I'm happy to have the help. These two are handfuls. But it goes so fast. I try to cherish it. You know what goes fast? Me. I can run to the end of the street in eight seconds. Time me. Wear a jacket! [Door opens, closes] How old are you? Old enough to read this parental-advisory sticker and ignore it. Want to listen? [Telephone rings, beeps] - Hello? - Boy: Hey, girl. Oh, hey. Uh, hold on. Let me go in the other room. It's this guy I know. Yo, it's me. [Door opens] [Panting] The Smiths' German Shepherd took a run at me. Don't tell mom. She'll have him put down. Jessica: I don't understand. This was your big dream? To move down here and copy this place? No, my original plan was to buy a Golden Saddle franchise. And that's what you get when you buy a Golden Saddle franchise. It's all covered in this confidential operations manual. All that's left now is to sign the paperwork and collect your $50,000 franchise fee. Oh! And to size you for your belt buckles! - Oh. [Chuckles] - You want your belt buckles, mm! Uh, great. I'll give you $10,000 up front and put the rest on a payment plan. No, no. I need the whole amount right now. The whole amount? [Chuckling] Well, who has that kind of money? I guess they do. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Uh... I have to pee. Yeah! [Sighs] Go pee. [Laughing] I'm not gonna stop you from peeing. This is America. You can pee if you want. [Laughing] I'll go pee. Yeah. Take that book with you. It's good reading material. Okay. It is good reading material. I like that guy. And then I jumped out the bathroom window. I didn't have the money, but I still had my dream of a better life for our family. So I took what I did have, and I opened a steakhouse of my own. Oh, why didn't you tell me? Because I was ashamed. I wanted you to think I was a visionary. [Sighs] Louis... What you did was smart. Just like you were smart to move down here and open up your own restaurant and pick the perfect billboard location. Hmm. You're a good businessman. And I would choose a good businessman over a visionary any day of the week. Besides, you made it your own. You added a salad bar, you have "wanted" posters for people who bounce checks, and the bears aren't even the same color. [Bell jingling] Thank you! And it's not like Golden Saddle owns the idea of a steakhouse. - They don't. - Mnh-mnh. It's like, uh, sizzler's just a cheaper knockoff of Black Angus. - Mm-hmm. - And Black Angus is just a cheaper knockoff of Ruth's Chris! And they are all just chasing that Morton's ring. [Both laugh] Finnegan: I see you got my message. Hello, thief. Mrs. Thief. Finnegan. This is Jessica, my wife. [Chuckling] Oh, well, well, well. Look who has an Asian fetish, too. I guess Louis copies everything I do. What's your problem? Your restaurant's busy. You own 10 franchises. You're doing great. And you are doing well, which I don't like. You're just upset because Louis didn't pay your ridiculous franchise fee. He is a smarter businessman than you are. Oh, you think so? Then how come I stole his favorite employee? Mitchell! Mitch? Oh. Uh, sorry, guys. How could you do this? We were a family. He offered to double my salary. But, I mean, if you guys want to do that... Goodbye forever, Mitch. Jessica: If you think stealing our employee and vandalizing our billboard is gonna make us back down, you are wrong. Yeah, you better watch out because "Scarface" and "Miller's Crossing" are coming at ya. Wait. Is that... is that what you two guys call each other? There's nothing I hate more than a couple of lousy, no-good cinephiles. [Insects chirping] I made myself a new pin. "Usually-there bear." I hate it. [Inhales sharply] Didn't your parents say you have a weak stomach or something? Yeah, "week," as in I can eat this stuff for seven days straight. [Water running] Uh, are you okay? [Water stops] Don't come in here! Were you running the shower? I can't talk to you right now, please! [Water runs] [Sighs] [Toilet flushes] [Sighs] Now, where were we? Nope. [Door closes] [Water runs] Sure, my dad would do whatever it took, but the tough guy in my family had always been moms. Great idea, Jessica. Mm. You don't think it's too clever, do you? I want them to get it. Hmm. I guess this wasn't the country-club night you imagined. Are you kidding? We stuck it to a rich guy. It's just like "Caddyshack." [Siren wailing] Run, Jessica! Run! [Rattling] I am so sorry we're late. I know we said we'd be home earlier. What happened? Did the Smiths' dog go after you, too? - Yes. [Chuckles] - That dog needs to be put down. Eddie: Mom, is that you? Are you home? ! Don't say anything to her! Well, E-Eddie's been in the bathroom with some stomach issues. Oh, it's probably because he likes you. Mom! It sounds like you're talking to her! Don't talk to her, okay? [Sighs] Oh. That's why he asked to borrow my old spice. Oh. Nantucket wind. Well, I'm gonna head. Okay, well, thank you for watching the boys. Hmm. Oh, and tell Eddie, um, I listened to this. It's good. I'm keeping it. Okay. [Chuckles] There you go. [Both sigh] Eddie: Mom, did she leave? Has she left? Can you come in here, please? [Indistinct shouting] Nicole: Hey. [The notorious B.I.G.'s "One more chance" plays] Hey. ♪ Unh, what? ♪ ♪ That's right, that's right ♪ ♪ Ooh, yeah-ah-ah ♪ ♪ Bad boy ♪ ♪ All I need is one more chance ♪ ♪ One more chance ♪ ♪ Unh ♪ ♪ I can help you find yourself ♪ ♪ I got that good love, girl, you didn't know? ♪ ♪ Unh ♪ ♪ 'cause you don't need nobody else ♪ [Sighs] Yes. (Old Tamil movie song) 'Sleepless Jungle' (Old Tamil movie song) That's the car No not that This is the one Hey he's headed up! Get out Shut the door Hands up front Move -Open the boot -Move and I'll kill you What? What happened? -He's getting away -I got him Stop or I'll shoot Stop, you I fired but he got away Come on! Why the hell did you shoot? Think I couldn't have? It's more than 10 kilos -Hello -Hello What do you inject before stitching a wound? Zylocaine, right? For whom? Just tell me! Where's Vasu? He's fine, it's for me Zylocaine, right? Yes Okay, thanks Dad -Dad -What? I'll be late Breakfast will be Ready in 5 minutes I don't want this Why? Has it gone bad? -It's fine, drink it -I want soya milk Doctor mom's advice? It's good for health As if this is good! Just eat There's no soya milk Come on eat Enough enough I hate this bullshit Is that mealtime talk? Say it in Tamil sound good? I don't like milk Hello CKD, it's all set The bag Let's give the bag and finish it No hitches, right? No, but a team is at the bridge...our guys I'll see you there Hey, aren't you late? -Still not dressed? -This is my sports dress Get your bat Hey! Wait up Dad -Dad -What is it? Can I drive to school? So you can tell your mother and then she can yell at me I may be late to pick you up Don't wait That's nothing new -Wow! Genes genes -What? Nothing, my son! This omelet is good Hey Vasu Let's go out tomorrow I'm with mom on the weekends Can I go now? You know I've got to work Don't be mad Do I look like mom? Good morning, sir Late today? Yes Gang war on MG Road flyover One dead Not local guys Why? The gun Not country made It's a Brownie Rich guys, Police, Army It's one of these Powder mafia, sir And multiple cases on Wilson, the victim Murder, robbery and child abuse, kidnap He's also in business with Vittal Rao And Vittal Rao is no grocer Who's Vittal Rao? He runs a night club on OMR, sir He supplies all the rich kids...everything Morning sir He's tardier than I am Saw the doctor? What for? She divorced me, right? You fool! Is she the only doctor in town? It's a knife wound Could get septic It can wait Till when? We need to be somewhere else Where? The crime place Cri- -You stupid -That's you! An easy get in and out job And you left behind evidence! I didn't leave anything Won't the lid fit the bottle? Where's the ejected shell? What shell? Come on It's not our official gun, right? Why so tense? You fool! The bullet is police supply And it's not mine -Thank God -It's yours Shit! This fellow is here -Which fellow? -Dhiraviyam He's dangerous Keeps meddling May be issue Forget him, who's that babe with him? Nice girl, right? Is this the time to admire women? That too, a cop! She's handed it over We'll have to try forensics -Come on -Where? Sir, who's the witness? -Over there -He asked me! I'll tell him Sir, I was the only witness, sir -That a hearing aid? -Yes, now ask Bloody hell How many were there? But I just told them all this -To whom? -Who else? The cops Are you the press? -I'm a cop too, tell me -How many times do I have to? Sir, as many times as needed for an investigation Sir, 2 men in a car 2 men in another car -3 men in all -3? Isn't that 4? But they shot one It was so loud that Alamelu woke up Alamelu is your wife? My dog, sir! German shepherd -A dog? -Yes -Did you see their faces? -I couldn't, they wore masks Except one and you won't believe it He looked just like you Beard and all Come on Did they call each other by name? The unmasked one called the shooter something But I was too far away to make out Thank God, he didn't hear it my name Go tell him now so we can check into prison CKD, she's coming to you I've heard a lot about you in Bombay NCB I wanted to meet you but didn't think it'd happen so soon Hello No signal here I'll call you later I've dropped Vasu at school We were just talking about you Is it? What about? Hey What? Why're you chatting her up? Are you crazy? Get in He hasn't answered my calls or messages Stop stressing, Sujatha school has just let out What's the time now? Check your watch 7 His battery must be dead Or he would've left it at home, that's all He's never left it at my place Okay You're always perfect, okay? I have to speak to my son now What do I do? You could call but he's not answering Shall I call the police? The real police Don't fool around Look Do you know how many teenagers are reported missing daily? They turn up in 3-4 hrs Don't stress Coffee? No Tea? He's not some missing teenager case, Diwakar He's your son I don't doubt that Hey, wait...wait Hey! Let's check the school -Suja, where are you going? -To the police What? Vasu! Where have you? Mr Diwakar? Vittal Rao here How are you? What do you want? One minute, your son wants to have a word Here, dad's on line Who are these people, dad? What do they want? Why are they holding me? I'm on my way Don't be afraid Dad...dad Hello Hello Don't worry, Diwakar Your son is fine If there is even a spot on his shirt, I'll destroy you I do what I say Why so angry? What's happened? Here I've just given your son a vanilla milkshake and you threaten to destroy me Come here right now And don't forget the bag Hello -So what do we do now? -What question is that? I give him the bag and get my son back CKD! All our hard work for this? We got a 3kg bonus Listen to me Don't do it I won't let you I'm in deep debt -Oh, yeah! -Yeah My son comes first If you against me I'll kill you Sorry But no one will miss the 3kg It's money CKD It's money Go sit there Move Hello, it's me There's been a screw-Up No...no, in person Immediately Diwakar is giving the bag to Vittal Rao Yes, he did plan the whole thing and offered me 50% He took the risk and now he says screw it I don't get it I was so nervous I killed a man I know they're going to hunt me down and kill me Definitely If I'd gotten my share I'd be safe Just 3 packets and I'd be settled Where would you go? Don't talk like a fool I gave you the info and the plan for this job How did he get in the picture? What're you saying? Your plan, yes but he executed it What the hell did you achieve? He doesn't know I'm involved, right? No How would he? No suspicion till now He'll be there by now with the bag, right? So it has to leave the building I'll take care of it You eat another ice cream Don't ever do anything without my approval Here it As usual, use this phone And wipe it after the job's done -Sir -Police Sir, bag...? Okay, sir You can go Madam, come in the queue Do we have a minister's son here today? Sorry Come -Hey! What took you so long? -Why you not look inside? Nurse should wait here only Dude! She is coming from men's toilet Hello Yes, Mallika Dhiraviyam, I saw Diwakar in Insomnia Parking lot and followed him He's stashed a bag in the men's toilet ceiling I checked and there's over 10kgs of cocaine Why did you open the bag Mallika? Dhiraviyam Sorry! Where's that bag? I've hidden it in the ladies toilet How can you play around with critical evidence? -Sorry, what do I do now? -Nothing, where's Diwakar now? Don't know but I'm in the ladies toilet Okay, leave the bag and follow Diwakar I'm on the way Durai Pandi My kitchen staff and the purchase manager are fighting You handle it Think I haven't tried? Put boss on the line Hold on... The kitchen staff are fighting The town is burning and you... No calls for an hour No matter what Hey don't disturb for another hour Then you come I can't handle it Look! The senior chef is noticing us He doesn't have the bag Why're you empty handed? That? See? My head aches and your head aches Where is the bag, sir? Show me my son and I'll show you your bag How? Whole or in pieces? Like you've shown me Its been years since I worked like this See? IPhone computer, AC, coat I'm a different man now but you're pulling me back You're not the only family man, I'm one too The only difference Your wife is doctor My wife is telephone cleaner 50 paisa to clean one phone Sister-In-Law was a telephone cleaner? Some crooks told me something else Not this one She's the earlier Oh! Everything cle- Don't blabber it at home This is how we've cleaned our way to the top Yeah, we know about you too 3 sons One daughter She turned 16 last month, right? Not matured yet? You know all about me and you want to rip me off I know about you too Your home Your job Now and Bombay's NCB What's that? Narcotics Control Bureau What you did there What you do here Heard you neglected your family for your job And your wife ran away, right? Who are they, dad? Why are they holding me? It's nothing We'll leave soon Of course you can leave I want my phone, dad! I'll get you in 10 minutes, Vasu Not bad! Back in 10 mins? So no time for another milkshake? But he's still refusing the first one Says he doesn't drink milk In 10 minutes Only for couples And she could be anybody, sir Sorry, sir Is it a minister's son or a minister? So many cops Where is Vasu? He's almost here I'll call you in 10 mins Bye -These glasses don't go here -How'd I know? I'm only 2 days on the job But it won't happen again Hello! Where are you? Wait a minute I'm coming Get to Vittal Rao's club immediately I need your help Please come quick He wants me at Vittal Rao's club What do I do? -What? -Excuse me This is ladies toilet Sorry Police So what? Are cops allowed in the ladies toilet? If he called you then come Sir please go out Leave -Act normal -I'm talking to you What the hell is doing? He is mad It'll be here soon Please sit -I want my stuff -I assure you it'll be here What'll you have? Why so tense, partner? Why'd I be tense? That's for you If I don't get my stuff Your club will be razed to the ground Boss, I need the loo The loo? Bathroom Why so angry, partner? We've been in business for so long Just sit down Have a drink... Relax Shall I call some girls? Hello! What is this? This is the ladies toilet -Has anyone seen a black bag? -Get out first get out of here! Leave, sir! Please Has anyone checked in a black bag? Come in line, sir In queue -Sir...sir you can't come in -Get out I am the security See Stay back I am looking for a bag Sir, you can't do that -Black bag -We don't know, sir -Sir -No, okay Do you remember the black bag I took inside? -Did anyone bring it out? -Sir, we check only the bags going in I know, I know but it holds important papers Please think -Why not ask your people? -What do you mean? A lady from your department followed you Is Mallika? -Excuse me -One minute, sir We don't ask for names, sir Please understand Sorry, sir What's your hurry? Am I playing the fool here? I didn't order anything No...no...no Yeah Thank you Excuse me, sir! You can't be here We'll serve you in the restaurant itself Sir, I can't let you with an aadhar card Take a good look Police Sir, boss's office is in the basement I'm poorly paid, sir That's why I've been selling the used oil But now, even for 1000 bucks I won't Who are you sir? Why are you hassling us? Thomas! They know about our oil So, he came for enquire -Hey...hey...hey! -Hey He is my partner, sir Senbagavalli, my fiancee back home, buys the paper everyday I'm done for if they see my photo in it -I'm already 35 years old -Shut up! Obey me and you'll be fine Okay, sir -500, 1000 -What? Stop it! Do you have any flour? We don't deal in that No profit Tell me where the flour is There is Sir, here is the flour Okay Now a plastic bag to fill the flour... like this -Yeah I need more -We have, sir Do you have packing tape? -Sticking type -Kept somewhere here I need a travel bag Where's your's? Over there -Sir, should I leave town? -Shut up, you fool Thank you, sir I need a knife -Who is this? -Senbagavalli, sir -Get the packet -Works in a co-Op society She's a very good girl, sir My sweet darling -One more -No sir, Senbagavalli is enough One more packet, you fool -Didn't I ask for something? -Did you? Oh Knife? It's there, sir Get the packets Sir, broken zip won't open And it'll cost 20 bucks to repair That's the rear exit Excuse me Hey, barman Champagne and glasses in boss's room in 5 minutes For boss himself? -Yeah, in 5 mins -Okay...okay Hey, in exactly 5 mins Got it sir, we've worked here long enough Mind your business The bag's here Go open it Hey! I'm back with the bag, aren't I? Why so late, sir? You've kept your guests waiting -What is it? -He's not back yet Ask him to hurry it up Too many cops around -Ask your men if you want -What is he saying? Are you playing a game? -You know me, right? -Nothing of the sort They come in for free booze It must be James No, these aren't your regulars And they're waiting in your bar and at your entrance Who is this, Vittal Rao? What's he saying? I'm a cop too Police? Hey! Give that here Get that I'm a cop but in this business Otherwise why would I rat out my guys? Well done Vittal Rao Good plan to get me, right? And soon your men will burst in and surround me, right? Brother Who is that? Come on...hurry Go out the back way Move hurry! And don't return this way Did you bring your men? Brother, it's our staff -Why didn't you say so? -I tried to but you shut me up -Hit the button -It's open Come in Why did you order this? Its all gas Who are you? I haven't seen you before Started work 2 days now Place it I'll handle it Get out Your bag is delivered Where is my boy? Jagan, the deal is done Send the boy This way The billiards room on the 1st floor Go and check there And I don't want to see your face again And the same to you Two dead today If their mothers ask, what do I say? Let's go What you search? I dropped the key, boss Brother -Wait -What is it? -That Vittal Rao has cheated me -What are you saying? He screwed me over with the cop I'm going to kill that cop Does he think I'm a fool You wait here You come What the hell? Why are you here, sir? Here so late Don't you go home, officer? My son is trapped inside It will go wrong, if I don't go You killed a man today Isn't that wrong? Dhiraviyam, listen to me This is not the time Please, we'll talk later -Hey stop it -Hey! Get the hell Hey open the door, Vital Rao Brother, I'm not opening the door And don't you either But we've worked together for so long Its rude to shut them out Don't do it It'll turn nasty And I can't desert you either See! He is already abusing your mother Don't open the door -Hey -I told you not to You were fine all these years Do have a sudden death wish at my hands? What happened, partner? What happened? Taste and see...taste Tastes good? Hey leave me What are you doing? Leave me Take off your hand Did you bring me for this? -Why the good girl act? -Because I am like your mother Let me go Please Please help Let me go Leave me Leave man -Come on -Leave me Help me Hey you Just get out Sir, please help me Thank you You give me flour and eat chicken Am I running a bakery to buy stock from you? I get it, you switch the stuff and make twice the money I've worked with your dad Go ask the some in your town Brother...? I will kill you Rascal God, laptop Brother, careful Brother, careful I won't let you alive Oh god, stop! Look at this mess I've got to change Listen to me, Pedha Babu That cop cheated me Not just you Me too -Where is he now? -Where? His son is with Call Jagan! My phone broke when he hammered me upside down Use my phone! -Are you married? -What? No Yeah Both? Not both Just one She- Divorced me Wait here for me Okay -Vasu, did he hit you? -No dad, let's get out of here Sorry Hello Jagan! Don't let the kid go His dad screwed me over Catch him Dad Dad -Vasu -Dad Come on -Dad -Vasu Leave me Dad Hey you! Vasu! Vasu! Vasu...vasu I've been watching you Please, stop it Are you okay? -May I? -No...no Your Son? Ya What happened? You're bleeding -No...no -I'm a nurse Why? Just get up Its not him Flour? You cheat me with flour? ' Do I look like an idiot? Who is it? -Hey! It's not him -That's what I tried to tell you Sorry but this coat misled me Everybody sit down, please Your drinks are on the house Don't bill him Let's go Hey bro, why'd you wear this color coat? -How'd you get this? -I don't know' It's okay Sir, my bag? No...no, keep it but is it opening Wait a minute I'm coming Wait...wait Who are you? What's your name? Esther May I? Who's your doctor? It's bad stitching I did it Sorry, but you're a doctor? No way -No -Thought so -I'm sorry -It's okay No, not this, It's about earlier, when I suddenly kissed... I had no choice It's okay It's obvious you're in trouble This is all new to me We had a bad day at the hospital A death Hold this It wasn't my fault alone He convinced me to come But this turned out worse He seemed a good guy but I guess alcohol revealed the truth Get dressed It's over Okay, you leave now Alone And once again...sorry And thank you for everything...bye -But I'd like to... -No, go home But...wait Your hairstyle is cool But your dress sense sucks Actually it's okay Don't you have a smart phone? This is ancient My phone is fully loaded Free calls on whatsapp Let me show you Why? So you can call your dad? My friends would've messaged me...girlfriends I just want to show you... I'm educated too Went to school, college and all I know it all too And I have girlfriends Why're you a thug if you're educated? Why? Will your dad get me a cop's job? Let me go, please Sure, when my boss says so Aren't you ashamed of working for a thug? You're talking too much! I'll wring your neck You can't intimidate me I'm not a crook like you I'll hammer you! Shut up and sit quiet Don't worry about anything, drink up -Have it -Enough But won't he sue us? How can he? We have Alphonse We do have a lawyer but still... Rubbish! This is nothing Don't you know who I am? I've survived so many years in this industry In an early morning shootout between drug gangs one man was shot dead on MG road flyover Witnesses said the masked assailants were unidentifiable Can he survive? Can he? Have you seen that film? What's the name? Not your name, fool The name of the film! Yes! Have you seen it? Can't have, it's not released So how could you see it? Look, you're an actor So act, dance, sing It's okay But don't preach! And to me? Who are you to teach me? And now look No audience, no film Today's release of the film 'Ghatodgajan' has run into problems Disappointed fans are being turned away from theatres Yes look I'll be on now As the producers were unable to repay their loans The creditors have reportedly stalled the release of the film Fans are expecting the film will be released as soon as possible Where am I? They shot so much -Are you a member here? -We're talking, you answer the phone But, where are all my close ups? Almonds? Yeah I have biscuits, nuts, bread Just the almonds? There is milk But don't want powder milk? Yes, I'll bring soya milk One large... One large Where is she going? When will she return? He drinks only soya milk? Give it Here she is Yes, sir What do you want, sir? Sir, have one more drink Sir...please have one Please listen to me Listen to me But he just left Where the hell is he? What is that racket? Put your phone on silent It's not mine Check your phone Hello? Where's Vasu? You said he'd call in 10 mins Yes, he's at home Then why didn't he call me? Why're you whispering? Because he's sleeping He'll call in the morning Vasu, don't be afraid I'm coming there Coming here are you, sir? Keep coming and your son will bathe in petrol Look don't be hasty Just hold your horses What the hell use are you to me? Get the bag or take your son back as a bag of coals I'm almost there -Hello...? -Sorry I'm...sorry Dad -Did the police come? -Can't hear -Did the police come? -No...no Did you get the bag? From the ladies toilet? How can I go in there? Couldn't you find another place? In this crowd with that bag? Don't you know it's risky? I'll find him But I still can't believe it He's a hero to me And looks like your hero's gone Not without his bag Listen to me He's long gone You should leave Where are you? In the billiards room Have you delivered the bag? Not yet -Then the kid? -Not yet Mallika is on my tail I can't shake her What're you saying? No time to talk Meet me in the parking lot Sir, I've nothing to do with... Please madam, let us work...don't disturb Police Then why aren't you in uniform? NCB Narcotic Bureau -Is her uniform in the bureau? -Hey! Shut up Store room Get back...get back What is this, sir? Get out Get lost -Where's the bag? -You're making a big mistake I know you have it Where is it? I don't know I'm asking again else I'll rip your arm out of its socket It hurts, my arm will break, CKD! Exactly, so tell me We're colleagues So...? So? I've been undercover for months now Undercover? I don't know what you're talking about, crazy The flyover attack? I set up the deal A plan to trap Mani with Vittal Rao's drugs Mani's been in business for while now And he has an informant in our office And we'll get him too But later Now I want my bag first I don't believe you Who assigned you the case? It's none of your business You stick your ignorant nose where it doesn't belong and mess things up Tell me...tell me I'm feeling mad Why CKD...why? You want to live...why? You've never married and had kids and divorced You want to know why! I want my son and my bag -Son? -Yes Vittal Rao has my son and he wants the bag in exchange for him so I'm not leaving without it Please please... It hurts I don't know Really? You really don't know? No In the toilet In the toilet Where you hid it But the ladies toilet The first commode Really Get back But outsiders aren't allowed in the kitchen And now look at the cold storage... Hey... CKD stop So he's not a cop? Just shut up -Sir...? -Hey, get out How'd you get my card? Please pick up dad, please Dad, it's me He's in the toilet He left my phone on the table I know where you are and I'm coming, don't be afraid Dad, he tried to strangle me Where are you? In the kitchen, okay? In kitchen? Come quick! I'm afraid No...no, stay calm Don't look him in the eyes Dad, why are they holding me? It's all... Just listen to me Don't try to be smart with him You're the most important thing in my life, get it? Why didn't you tell me all this time, dad? Why, dad? Dad...? -I'm dad -I'm here Don't nag me like your mom, okay? I'm on my way Don't be afraid Boss, our plan worked He's talking on the phone His dad's in the kitchen Partner, kitchen What the hell? Please come out, sir Wait...wait Let him caught Listen to me, sir Please leave Let's see how you get away now Sir, the ladies are frightened, please Sorry ladies, please sit down We'll take this outside, let's go Catch...catch him His men are everywhere Then don't go in, CKD Are you crazy? My son is inside and I know where And where the bag is Have the gun? Yeah But how will you get inside? Past all those guys That's me Let's go to the hospital first What are you doing? -No time for all that -Why are you doing like this? -If I don't get my bag- -He'll be inside, come on -Turn off your phone -Sorry, man Mani...? Are you okay? Mani, are you okay? Things've gotten out of hand, Mani He almost killed me, we've got to get him Tell him to come out back There's a problem Tell him you've got the packets And not another word Come out the back gate Right away What is it? -My stomach is upset -Get lost Okay Tell me Come out the emergency exit I know where the stuff is Yes -Pour me a drink -Just a minute, brother Damn! -Another toilet? -There's one outside There's one outside, go He locked me in Yes, he thumped her with no consideration Are you okay? What is their problem? Fighting like this over flour Shut up! Duraipandi is still not answering Put it down or I'll blow his head off -Where's my son? -Hold on So what if his head is blown off? Go ahead I have nothing to do with your son Shoot him Hey police, get him, shoot Are both of you trying to cheat me? Selling your wife and kids is a better way to make money Down...down I kept it -He got away -No, his car is here It's flour Who is it? A bit earlier and we might've saved him Where's the cocaine bag? Is the cocaine more important than your son? Where is it? Where is it? You'll lose the other ear too -I'll tell you -Where is it? Ladies toilet Come, take me there 3 dead in 24 hours If we don't arrest Diwakar now God knows how many more will be killed He said Vittal Rao has his son He claims he's an undercover officer He said Mani's been crooked for a long time He has a protector in the department His assignment is to use Mani to trap that person Look I've been doing this for 15 years And 'undercover' is the standard excuse for trapped cops He's caught with 10kgs of cocaine Do you believe he is 'undercover'? You've done a great job Excuse me, this is ladies's toilet Wait here What the hell? This is ladies's restroom -Call the security -I'm the owner So what? Will you please get out Why're you in the ladies toilet? Toilet What the hell are they doing? Couldn't they find another place? Who is this? Blinking like an idiot Brother? Brother? The toilet is no place for lie down -What do you like to have, ma'am? -No...no, nothing Are you enjoying? Come sir, I already offered you a drink Keep quiet, I can't lift you again What the hell! Dad? -You okay? -I'm fine Shut up -Are you alright? -Yes Hold this Shut up Hold this We have to get out of here Really fast Dad, my phone He shot Are you stupid? This is my dad Come on Go...go Dad...! What happened? Nothing, leave it Give me one minute Dad, there! Get out of the way Where's the bag? Where is it? Open the trunk, open it Tell the truth Is this flour too? Hand over the bag, Vittal Rao Police Throw your weapon down I said throw it down Drop the gun Drop it Dad, what happened? Call the number for Mani No, hit the last dialed call...or missed call Yeah, put it to my ear Answer your phone Not mine, madam It's yours Hello, I'm Diwakar My apologies for the abuse and your broken arm You're holding Mani's phone Look into it You'll understand what I said, bye Things are going out of control He harmed me We must kill him -Lock the door -Yes, ma'am Keep driving Don't look back -Sir -Do as I say! This is wrong Dhiraviyam, very wrong Mallika, give me the phone Give me the phone Give me the- Sir, careful What happened, sir? -Vittal Rao -Check the car for any others Tried to shoot us all and escape About today...you can't tell your mother or even your friends Yes, dad -Promise? -Promise Go Mom's at the clinic Here's the key Dad Dad Dad is alright -It's just that... -I know Okay? -Ma'am? -It's okay Dad will be fine Don't worry, oaky? Okay Why haven't you called me? Can't you use a phone? -Mom -Where are you? You better come Dad's been hurt I've admitted him in hospital He's in hospital, right? They'll take care Exactly There are too many taking care of him here That's why you should come Patrol car in pursuit, sir Suspect speeding at 120 kmph, sir They passed before we could block them, sir Is narcotics team following? Narcotics team is stuck in traffic, sir We've overtaken, sir You caught well? Come out Come out I say Have you caught? Get up If you come any closer The dogs will eat your brains off the road Listen to me Turn and leave Listen to me! Go Okay -Go -Okay "You are your boss" "Your head is your crown" "Spring up like fire And travel beyond limits" "World awaits us to conquer Eyes go sleepless" "Stormy seas are never placid Me not either" "Ways are open in all directions Go forward, bro" "No obstacles for you Be victorious, bro" "You are your boss" "Your head is your crown" "Spring up like fire And travel beyond limits" "No spear or sword can pierce the Sun" "Become the light and glow forever" "Oh, Man of determination" "Stay sleepless forever" "Defeat is the ladder to victory Dare to defy the depths" "Let your roots go deeper than the heart" "You're a live wire" "Stay sleepless forever" "You are your boss" "Your head is your crown" "Spring up like fire And travel beyond limits" "World awaits us to conquer Eyes go sleepless" "Stormy seas are never placid He won't be, either" "Ways are open in all directions Go forward, bro" "No obstacles for you Be victorious, bro" "You are your boss" "Your head is your crown" "Spring up like fire And travel beyond limits" Yeah...that's it We're done Oliver: My name was Oliver Queen. For three years, I worked to save my city. But to save my sister, I had to become someone else. I had to become something else. Previously, on "Arrow"... Roy's alive. We faked his death. He's starting a new life. Oliver: John. Oliver? Bring Nyssa to the warehouse at Fullerton and Halstead... and I'll let your wife go. There's no way I'm getting him back. He's gone, Felicity. There's only thing left of him now--us. Do you recognize this? The Alpha and Omega bioweapon. You will unleash this on Starling City. [Gunshots, crowd screaming] [Siren] Tatsu: His fever is getting worse! Maseo! Maseo: A pharmacy! Ra's al Ghul: The Romans call it "vastatio." The systemic destruction of a land to insure its subjugation. And what they found was that immolation left a blank slate to build anew. Until you have destroyed your home and severed all ties from your old life, can you begin anew. I did not foresee the day that Maseo Yamashiro appeared at my door. You had the courage to demand an audience of me. And those who do usually offer money and treasure in exchange for my favor. But you gave me the Alpha and Omega. The plane is en route. It will be ready tomorrow, as you've commanded. You will marry my daughter, and you will ascend to Ra's al Ghul, and then you will fly to Starling City carrying death itself. ♪ Arrow 3x22 ♪ This Is Your Sword Original Air Date on May 6, 2015 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man I hate when they run! Well, at least you're getting your cardio workout in. I still have 40 minutes on an elliptical in my immediate future. You supposed to be undercover or something? I sniffed you three blocks back. You led me right to your gang. Smart plan. Thanks. No, I meant smart plan... Because it was mine. [Canary cry] [All yelling] [All grunting] John, I think he gives up! John! John! [Door opens] Thanks for coming in through the back. With Sara and Lyla gone, the last thing I need are the neighbors talking. About some strange woman dressed in all black leather, Yeah. You're out of ice. How can you be out of ice? Here. Thanks. Ok, so the night's young, and there's a meth dealer working a corner on Fulton. Sounds good. Actually, it doesn't. You were completely unhinged out there tonight, Dig. You're in denial about how angry you are. No, Felicity, I'm not in denial. But I am angry! Oliver. He was my best friend. And he kidnapped... my wife. And you think that justifies hospitalizing people? No, Felicity, it doesn't, you're right. It won't happen again. I'm not saying that life doesn't suck right now, but you can't go around the city taking it out on every criminal you see. How can you, out of all people, be so sanguine after what happened last week? Because I know that that wasn't Oliver. Now who's in denial? It wasn't! Our Oliver, my Oliver, died the day he joined the League. This is someone else! You truly believe that? I have to. [Sighs] Don't try to talk me out of going. Mr. Harper went through a lot of trouble to fake his death. You know he can never come back here. Yeah, well, maybe I'm just going to go there. Permanently? Look, I don't know. Honestly, I--I don't know anything anymore. I barely know who I am. Thea, it's understandable. You've been through something very few people have ever experienced. Of course you feel-- Is that what you think this is all about? Almost dying? Because I'd rather have died than have my brother sacrifice his life for mine. And don't think for a second that I forgot the whole reason Ra's al Ghul was brought into our lives is because of you. You're no longer in danger from the League. Maybe getting away from Starling City for a while is--is what's best for you. You approve? [Scoffs] Is that supposed to worry me? 'Cause it actually kind of does. Look, the only thing I know right now... Is that I need to go be with Roy. [Door opens] My daughter. I am not hungry. Ah, yes. Many a bride has skipped a meal or two before their wedding day. I would rather die than wed this pretender. Well, you speak as though they are the only two options before you, my daughter. Daughter. And to think, I once wore that title with pride. Perhaps "mother" will suit you better. After your betrothal to Al Sah-him, you will extend my lineage by having a child of your own. If you think I will bear his child-- Yes! I do. And you will have no more say in it than your mother was given. You're quiet. I'm prepared for my ascension to Ra's. But I'm still... coming to grips with marriage. Perhaps a walk to clear my head. I will send a guard to accompany you. If I can't protect myself, I don't deserve to inherit your mantle. You're late. Sorry. Nanda Parbat's not exactly the easiest place to infiltrate. Don't joke! Things are worse than we thought. Tomorrow? Ra's plans to transport the virus to Starling on a plane. That is oddly modern for the League. Do you think Ra's suspects you? He has no reason to. I warned you it would be difficult. I just thought that I'd-- ahem--we'd have more time, when you explained to me that my ascension to Ra's would include the destruction of Starling. I anticipated you wouldn't be Ra's for months. More than enough time to dismantle the League from the inside. Malcolm, we need help. From all accounts, you were... too good at convincing your friends that you'd allied yourself with Ra's, and I don't think I carry much credibility with them. I know someone who they'll trust. You've been gone a while. There was concern. I've just been here thinking. We need to find ibuprofen! You know that can't help him now. Why isn't the inoculant working on him? ! He's young. His immune system probably isn't strong enough. Akio! Swallow. [Coughs] Okaasan... Boku kowaiyo. Shinitaku naiyo... [Speaking Japanese] ♪ Nennen korori yo ♪ ♪ okorori yo ♪ ♪ boya wa yoi ko da ♪ General Shrieve... Maseo. I want to kill Shrieve, too, but you need to focus on helping Akio! Shrieve's men made a vaccine. Maybe they also made a cure. No, Maseo, they didn't make a cure! I know it's unlikely, but I have to try. Ok. I'll help you. [Drill whirring] Hi, I'm looking for Jason. Oh, yeah? Well, lucky him. Yo, Jason. Got a visitor. Jason? That's right. I have a '67 Mustang that needs a little work on it. Somebody said you were the guy to see. You came to the right place. I can't believe you're still alive. Look, I wanted to tell you, but if you knew, you'd tell Oliver. And then Oliver would have... Would have broken you out of prison. Yeah. And probably kicked your ass. And I would have helped him. I had to do it. For Oliver. Do you think there's maybe some other place we can go talk? There's my place. That's such a good answer. [Suit powering down] Hey. You got it to fly. What more do you want? Well, true art is never finished, it's only abandoned. Plus, I had this little idea I just couldn't kick. You ok? You have this little cloud that keeps following you around. Yeah. Well, something happened while you were away, and... I'm just handling it. Is it, uh, Oliver-related? It's Oliver-related. If you want to talk about it... Maybe we shouldn't cross that line. It's a long story, anyway. Well, if you change your mind, I have time. And, hey... you're my friend. I'm always going to be there for you. It's non-negotiable. Thanks, Ray. So, while I'm waiting to do something for you, there's a little something that you can do for me. Sign...here and here. Ok. Right. What's this for? Just a little corporate stuff, Miss Vice President. Mm-hmm. [Cell phone dings] Everything ok? Probably not. Maseo: You've been quiet. I have a lot on my mind. I meant about the virus. The Alpha Omega. When did you take it? From the truck. Before we blew it up. So before... Even before Akio died, I wanted revenge on Shrieve for the pain he caused. But instead, you used it to trade your way into the League. I am not strong. Not enough for myself, and certainly not enough for Tatsu. If you could go back to her, would you? That is immaterial. Maseo Yamashiro is no more. He doesn't have to be. When I'm Ra's, I can release you from your oath. I can set you free. The League is not my prison. From my prison... There is no escape. So now Malcolm Merlyn can summon us. I really don't like the idea that he can summon us. Any idea what this is about? You think I haven't tried? It's not the being told to fuck myself I mind so much. It's more the poking. And I'd like to avoid fighting her because I'm not sure I'd win. But I'm not sure I'd lose, either. I still don't see how this is my problem. Hold up. Am I the morn? Oh, my God. I'm the mom? My Moms moved to Tucson with her boyfriend, so I got my cousin Jazmina to go to the hospital. She's next of kin. She can hand the baby over to Cesar. Dayanara's gonna kill you. I talked her into the whole thing, right? At least now I got nothing on my conscience. You really think that man can handle another one? It's like the Muppet Babies up in his house. He'll just slide another girl on his dick, make her help out. What? Like he ain't fucking other people? Oh. We all know what happens out there. He got to do what he got to do. You ever feel like, you know, maybe one time in my life, the shit I got to do could be the shit that makes me happy? No. 'Cause I ain't a greedy fuck like you. I'll tell you what, though. I'm an abuela now. At least now I got a chance to do something right. Or maybe do it a little less shitty. Oh, that guy is a heavy fucker. Come on. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. No,no,no. After you. - Please. Go. - Get in there. This was your big Swedish idea. But you're the victim. Look. You get the ball rolling, okay? It's not like I've ever done this before. And I have? Well, it definitely seemed like you had. You know, I've done some deeply questionable shit in my life, but the foreign-object ass rape of an unconscious man, still not crossed off my list. Boo, this is fucking creepy. You know it. Right? Yeah, of course, but... Babe, I thought you'd want to do it. This is my gift to you. It'll help you work out that rage and that anger. You know... I don't have rage. I'm just sad. You know... the thing is... I don't think I'm very good at being on my own. Neither am I. I really like you. I was thinking maybe we could be... partners. You know, like in the business. Like business partners. Oh, my God. You don't even... You don't... I shouldn't have said anything. No, it's not that. I'm getting out, Piper... on Tuesday. You're getting... you're... Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, shit. Burset... you're coming with us. What the hell? Let's go, honey. Y-you got to tell me what's going on. You're going to the shu. For what? For your own protection. Caputo got a call. You must have pissed off a pretty big dog. This is bullshit. You both know it. Let's just get this over with. - Don't touch me. - Inmate. Let's go, then. Max, guess what Han's doing at the counter? Well, I know it's not towering over it. He's creating signature drinks for the diner. I suggested any household poison over shaved ice. Han, this is a stupid idea. It was Earl's. Then it's genius. Yep, I've been drinking all afternoon for free. Now, I've used only top shelf liquor. Question: Who got it down for you? First up: "The Max". It's just whiskey. On the rocks, like Max's job. Whatever mine is, I want my rim salted. Of course you do. Earl's is an Old Fashioned with everything. Pour me another me. I hate to say it, but I go down easy. "The Caroline" is Lemon Schnapps in a slightly frosty glass. Because of my cool, Grace Kelly kind of demeanor? No, because they had a sale on Lemon Schnapps at Beverage Barn Oh, they don't card there? Okay, so what's "The Han"? A No Sex on the Beach? Mine is a classic martini, shaken. Oh, like the first woman who saw you naked. Correction. Will see you naked. (Peter Bjorn and John) ♪ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ♪ [cash register bell dings] ♪ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ♪ Max, guess what happened when you were running to the bathroom real quick, for two hours. You worked the cupcake window while I went to see The Statue of Liberty. Her head was being renovated. Everybody in this town is getting work done. I sold our last cupcake tee! We've sold out more than Robert De Niro in the last 20 years of his career. Well, analyze this, Focker. I noticed we were running low last week, so I ordered more. How did I not notice those sooner? Oh, probably because the last time I looked in there, there was a rat having sex with a cockroach. You know, they're still dating. Really? I thought it was a one time thing. Well, I guess once you go rat, you never go back. Thanks for ordering these, I've just been so busy with Sophie's wedding shower. Yeah, why are you working so hard? It's not a big deal. I threw my mother a shower once. No wait, I threw her in a shower once. Max, you really need to start making more of a fuss. It's for Sophie, it means a lot to her, and she has a gun. Well, showers are stupid girl things that this guy wants no part of. Hey, girls! Look. I'm advertising your cupcake business. You're advertising something, but it's not our cupcakes. I gave out free T-shirts to our building. I left one by everyone's door. Two at Sophie's, 16 at the Sanchez's. So about six of the kids will have to share. Interesting. Now our shirts are available at both Rodney, the high-end Manhattan boutique, and an apartment building that always smells a little like gasoline. Well, please stop talking about things that aren't me. Now girls, did you get the cake for my wedding shower tomorrow? Oh, was I supposed to make a cake? I've literally done nothing for this shower. I haven't even taken a bath. Oh, no, I'm not getting my cake from here. No, this is my bridal shower. Yeah, I want to get something classic from Baskin Robbins that's also a Dunkin' Donuts. They mix those two now? It's a stoner's dream come true. I tried to make our apartment look nice. I even moved a chair to cover a stain, but what was under the chair was so much worse. I guess what I'm saying is, please don't shoot us. Well, I don't expect it to look that good. I mean, you can't put a silk hat on a pig. And I know, 'cause I tried once. [gags] [gags] Max! Oh, my God! What have you done? I realized I don't like a strawberry center. And I am not going to beat myself up about it. When I told you to get crepe paper streamers and decorate for the shower, I meant with pink, not black. It's a wedding shower for Sophie, not a baby shower for Rosemary's Baby. What? I told you, I don't do girl things. Like hang pink or sit when I pee. Which, coincidentally, I refer to as "hanging pink." My God, what is that smell? Something's really gone bad here. Besides our lives. It's the Polish food. I think one of those sausages is made of old flip-flops. [knock at door] Someone's here already? Are Polish people always early? Is that a stereotype I don't know about? Oh my God! A wedding shower for me? I mean, if I had known, I would have dressed! Sophie, you did know. I know. I came down early to practice some entrances. Now get ready for entrance number two. Are you ever ready for entrance number two? [knock at door] Who is it? [fakes weeping] Oh my God! I can't believe it. Oh, it's the day of my wedding shower. Could anything be more wonderful? I was moved, I was surprised. I liked it better than the book. Now, come on in here and identify some of this Polish food so I can know what I'm not eating tonight. Oh, no. I'm not eating at my shower. I'm pretending I have an eating disorder so everyone will think that I have it all. I think you're going to be happy. I have lots of fun shower games, starting with "Who Knows The Most About Sophie?" Oh, I'll win that one. Yeah. And Sophie's got to tinkle. See? I'm a shoo-in. Yeah. Oh. Oh, my gosh. Black toilet paper. Oh, nice touch, girls. Yeah, I love the mystery of not knowing when you're done. [knock at door] (Agent Drake) FBI! Open up! The FBI? I don't think they RSVP'd. Oh, that's got to be for me. I didn't do it. And just so you know, the statute of limitations is up on that Newark thing. I'm not here to arrest you, miss. Great, it's me. Max, I told you pirating movies was a real crime. Now I'm going to jail for Fifty Shades Of Grey. Someone should. I hear you, not the Christian Grey I'd pictured. I'm Agent Drake with the FBI. Nothing to get upset about, but there's a man in your building who's been holding three women hostage in his apartment for months. Yeah, that sounds about right. Now, one of the captives escaped today and alerted authorities. Oh, that must have been the lady I passed screaming in the hall. What? There is a fine line between "hostage" and "off your meds" in this building. So, a SWAT team is going in for the other two still upstairs. But we need to evacuate the building first. So let's go. All right, can I just put a few things away first. You know, because I want the place to look nice if there's going to be police in here. Look, miss, whatever drugs you're hiding in here, I couldn't care less. We need to get out now. You know, you're just my type of guy. You don't mind my drug use and you're already here. Oh, yeah! You girls ordered a cop stripper for my bridal shower? Oh, here comes the bride all right! Come on. Yeah. Yeah, see? Look, he likes me. I cannot believe I live in this building with a man who would do something so awful. Also, cannot believe I live in this building. You know who I think it is? Smells Like Cats But Has No Cats. Really? He doesn't seem like a go-getter. I think it's Three Nipples No Nose. Three Nipples No Nose? He's a delight. Sophie, isn't this upsetting? It sure is. I couldn't get that stripper cop to take his pants off. Hey, look, there's some of my shower guests. Oh, look. And see? That one's my friend Natalya. The one I told you about. Yeah, there's all that extra skin. Ew. You were not exaggerating. She was born with all that skin. She had a chip clip on her back all through high school. Yeah, I know that guy upstairs is a real bummer, but you know what would help? If I could open my presents. Yeah. (Sophie) Oh, no! The fuzz isn't letting them through! Oh, come on. No fair, they just let a guy in here a few minutes ago. Just 'cause your friends aren't bomb-sniffing dogs, they can't get in? Boo! Hey, look, ladies, pass your presents up to the cops. Cops, pass my presents to me. Wait, Sophie, before you open them, I really want to write down who got you what. And save that pretty ribbon, I'm gonna make you a bow hat! Look at you. Making lemonade out of a maniac holding three innocent women hostage. (Sophie) Oh, a gift card. Oh, send it back. Sophie, we would've taken that. I don't know what is was for, I just know that we would've taken it. No, I'm sending it back. I want a gift, not another errand. Oh, yeah, not in love with the paper, but... well, I'll wait till I open it to judge. (Maria) Hi. Excuse me. Excuse me? I'm Maria Alonso-Gonzalez. Could you ladies talk to Channel 2 about tonight's disturbing discovery? - No. - Yes. Just go with me and my business savvy. Yes, Maria Alonso-Gonzalez, we can answer a few questions. Were there any signs at all that something of this nature was going on in your building? We just hope they bring this sick freak in our building to justice so that we can return to work at Max's Homemade Cupcakes. (Maria) Get on the door. Here he comes. Who is it? Who is this sick freak? It's not me. Is it? I'm not sure, what are the charges? Different sick freak. Hey, Rula, Uma, Greta, look. (Sophie) This is him. This is the groom-to-be. Forget about the guy upstairs, this is the real maniac in the bedroom. [gasping] That's him? Beer Belly Gym Shorts? - Never would've guessed. - Oh, no. (Caroline) He's wearing one of our shirts. Why? Why? Why is he wearing a medium? Oh... I mean, nobody's gonna see that. (Maria) Police have just apprehended the suspect and the question on everyone's mind is, "What does Max's Homemade Cupcakes have to do with this?" We have no comment. Or future, or deodorant. So leave us alone! How did they find out we work in this dump, next door to the other dump? As I'm saying it, I realize our career is made up of two dumps. Sounds like our career has been drinking too much coffee. The story is all over the paper. They're calling those ladies "The Cupcake Captives," calling that guy "The Cupcake Captor," and calling the whole thing "The Cupcake Catastrophe." But you needn't worry about it reflecting badly on your cupcake business. Oh, no. It's even in the fashion section. There's a picture of our shirts and it says, "What not to wear, ever." Okay. Everybody calm down. I'm mostly talking to myself. The media is just going to do its thing. I've been slandered in the headlines before. I was called "Ponzi Princess," "Bankrupt Barbie." Looking back, those were the best of times. Oh, hello. I was just about to take a tray of Max and Carolines out to my reporter friends. Sorry, you can give those Max and Carolines to this Max and Caroline. Hi, everybody. Oh, I'm depressed. See, you can tell 'cause I'm only wearing half my hair. Girls, I found this box outside your door. And I was hoping it was a shower present. Since those selfish hostage girls ruined my special day. Oh, man. I didn't even get a freakin' ribbon hat. Do you want the tube top I made out of the police tape? I'm calling it a tape top. Patent pending. Come on, you guys. This isn't about us. We need to put this all in perspective. We're all safe, and healthy, and... Oh, my God, just when I can't take anymore, here comes anymore. "We are returning the remainder of your t-shirt stock. "Our Rodney brand cannot be associated with a product "at the center of an ongoing criminal investigation. Consider our contract null and void." This is so shocking. Max, you can read? So you just didn't want to tell people the specials. I can't believe this. We waited so long for something to happen to our cupcake t-shirts. Why that guy? And on the one day he chooses to not wear his "Pull my finger" shirt. (Maria) This is Maria Alonso-Gonzalez, reporting to you live... Max, what are you doing? They'll see us. - from Max's Homemade Cupcakes. - No they won't, Because all the cameras are on Han right now. Can you talk a little bit about the women behind Max's Homemade Cupcakes? Well, let's just say Max and Caroline are allergic to work, much in the same way Dilbert is allergic to Mondays. [laughs] Moving on, Maria Alonso-Gonzalez, would you care to come into The Williamsburg Diner, 6355 Bedford Avenue, open 8:00 A.M. till 2:00 A.M., for our signature drink: The Cupcake Captive Cosmo? And for you gents, The Captive Cape Cod? Hey, get these cupcakes out of the garbage. I need to make room for Han's body. I'm keeping the head as a warning to others who cross us. We need to take back our t-shirts' image by setting up an interview with the news. And by "we," I mean you. Look, if I learned one thing from my time on Cops, it's that I can hop a fence in three seconds flat. If I learned two things, it's that the camera makes me look guilty. Especially when it's a security camera at Banana Republic. I can't do it. The world can't know that Caroline Channing is involved in another high-profile crime. And hasn't kept up her nail maintenance, like, at all. Fine. Because if I learned three things from Cops, it's that it's best to surrender early and not naked. We really appreciate you taking the time to talk to us. If you really want to thank me, how about I get some pixels up over my grill? I got some kids looking for me and they don't need the help. We don't have the capability to do that. This is live TV. How about one of those voice distorting machines? You know, make my voice sound like a fat Transformer. Um, no. No problem. I'll take care of that myself. Been in this sitch before. All right, in 3, 2... Good evening. In Williamsburg... Max, I'm right here, if you need me. - I got this. - Now infamous in the shocking "Cupcake Captives" story. I'm here with the owner, Max Black. [distorted] Hi, Maria. Max, how upset were you to see that Richard Griffin was Max's Homemade Cupcakes' biggest fan? [distorted] I was really upset. Okay, hi. Stepping in. Max is clearly so upset by all this that she's lost her mind. The one time I really needed her, anyway. Hi, Maria. How will your company's reputation recover from doing business with a man who held three women in his apartment against their will? Look, people do terrible things. And they do them wearing shirts. That doesn't make the shirt evil. Now, if a shirt commits a crime, lock it up. You'll get no argument from me. [distorted] Should I jump back in? Okay, yeah. That's all the time we have. - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. [distorted] Thank you. Caroline, thank you for trying to throw me a shower. I mean, we were never really friends or close. And yeah, I run away when I see you heading towards the mailboxes the same time as me... Please stop thanking me. Hey. Want to come to our place? Those pig feet haven't gone bad. I guess. It's hard to tell. Yeah. The best meat's under the toe nails. Is it? (all) Surprise. [shouting] Oh, my God, what's all this? Oh, no. I'm so surprised. No, I really am this time. - So am I. - Me, too. Until this sausage, I thought the grossest thing I'd ever eaten was kale. Oh, my God, I can't believe it. Could anything be more wonderful? [laughs] Max, I can't believe you did all this. I thought you came home to do what you usually do when you get depressed. Get drunk and throw the finger at people from the stoop. No stoop. But I am drunk. You think I could've done this sober? I just figured, with everything around us being so black lately, I thought we needed a little pink. You're right. We did. 'Cause our t-shirt business is over. And we still have to pay off that bank loan. Now what? We'll figure something out. We always do. Hey, girls, come quick. We're gonna play "Guess Sophie's Favorite Sex Position" (all) Whoo! It's on all fours, watching How To Get Away With Murder. See? I told you I was gonna win. And it just got black again. Yeah, real black. This is wet. Max, did you already eat this? I told you I don't like a strawberry centre. I am not gonna beat myself up about it. NARRATOR: Enormous man-made caves. PAUL BAHN: Nobody knows what on earth these things are. NARRATOR: Unexplainable structures. LOGAN HAWKES: You ask them, "How did you build these?" And they'll say, "We didn't build this." NARRATOR: And underwater discoveries that challenge everything we know about the past. DAVID CHILDRESS: That's amazing. I'm convinced. Something's going on down there. NARRATOR: Is it possible that an advanced civilization inhabited the earth thousands of years ago? And if so, were they human or something out of this world? GIORGIO A. TSOUKALOS: Extraterrestrials colonized Planet Earth thousands of years ago. The more we uncover, it will all point in one direction. We are not the first. NARRATOR: Since the dawn of civilization, mankind has credited its origins to gods and other visitors from the stars. What if it were true? Did extraterrestrial beings really help to shape our history? And if so... what might we learn from the study of aliens BC? NARRATOR: Traverse City, Michigan. May 22, 2015. At an undisclosed location in Traverse Bay on Lake Michigan, author and explorer David Childress has teamed up with sonar technician Brian Abbott and underwater photographer Chris Doyal to investigate a series of strange underwater rock alignments they first discovered in 2007. So you don't bring very many people out here, do you? No, you're one of the first we've brought out to this site. We try and keep it kind of quiet and secret. Chris has been out here a few times. Well, it's a pretty sensitive site, so we try to keep traffic to a minimum. Well, how did you find this site, anyway? Uh, we were actually out looking for shipwrecks and we put our sonar down off the side and I started to see stones line up on my rose compass. Okay, and then you deploy this sonar and take a picture, huh? Yeah, we, uh, we can get that done here real quick, we can deploy the sonar off the side and, uh, start getting some images and show you what we've got on the screen. All right, great, let's do it. Excellent. When I first found these on the computer screen, I started to laugh, because it was like, this can't be true, and I jokingly said, "Hey, we have our own Stonehenge underwater," and everyone, "Ha, ha, ha," and I started looking at it farther and I'm going, "Wow. We might have something here." Set the cable here, we'll be all set. So we'll take a look at the computer screen. Okay? All right. So the sonar's spinning around. So as you can see in this, uh, deployment location, we have, we've got one, two, three, four, five, six stones. And what's really interesting about this is, these stones all measure the same distance across. CHILDRESS: Yeah, this does look like an artificial alignment... this stone circle and then this line of stones there. Yeah, that was unique to me, because as an engineer, when I look at stuff that's square or rectangular or circle in nature, it-it kind of makes it jump out, because Mother Nature generally doesn't do things like that. What I saw on the sonar looked a lot like stone circles and stone alignments that I've seen in England, or Carnac in France, and it makes me wonder what's going on here in Ancient North America. So have you actually, uh, been down here in scuba equipment? No, I haven't, but Chris has. Yeah, we went down and I actually took some still photographs of it and we noticed on one of the stones there's some really interesting carvings on the surface of it. Some people have even said that it appears to resemble a mastodon. Really? - Really. Wow. Can we go down there now and see it? - Yeah, absolutely. NARRATOR: Taking an underwater camera down to the mastodon rock, Chris Doyal will send up a live feed to a monitor on the boat. As he descends, he's gonna pick out the stone here. CHILDRESS: Okay. What's that? - ABBOTT: That's the stone. CHILDRESS: Is-is this the stone that has the carvings on it? Yes, it is. So he's moving slowly in on it. So you can see the head, right through there. There's a tusk. So we have one leg coming down. CHILDRESS: It does look like the stone has been carved, and... ABBOTT: Yeah. - Yeah, you can see the legs and a trunk on it. Wow! That's amazing. I'm... - Yeah, it truly is. Yeah, I-I'm convinced. Uh, something's going on down there. ABBOTT: Between 10,000 and 12,000 years ago, mastodons went extinct. So we've got a carving on a rock formation at, you know, a depth of water that, uh, you know, probably shouldn't be here, but is here. This rock is probably made out of granite, which is very, very hard, and if you look up close at these markings, you can see that these were made by percussion marks. These weren't just scratched into the surface, that each line was individually pecked out. That rock looks like it has a carving of a mastodon on it. And that would mean that that carving was made before the extinction of these mastodons. So you have to wonder what was going on here in North America at the time of the last ice age. NARRATOR: The carved image of a mastodon? An animal that has been extinct for over 10,000 years? But what is it doing at the bottom of Lake Michigan? Could it really be part of an artificially created rock formation, like Stonehenge in England? If so, it would have to have been created before the end of the last ice age, when the lake bed was dry... over 12,000 years ago... and that would contradict the currently held belief that early humans were not capable of erecting monumental structures in North America, or anywhere else, at that time. You never know when something's going to pop up that's going to totally change your whole view of a, of a period or even of human development. One of the main trends that I've noticed in archaeology is that the dates for things tend to go back all the time; the earliest pottery in a place, the earliest arrival of people in a place. They always turn out to be earlier than we traditionally thought. ANDREW COLLINS: Today we know that there was a monument on the site of Stonehenge at least 10,000 years ago. And this is not speculation. The archaeologists are saying this today. And the same thing seems to be going on in other parts of the world. CHILDRESS: New dating techniques done by geologists on the Sphinx in Giza indicate that it was carved before 10,000 BC. So more and more, as we make new discoveries in archaeology, it's pushing mankind and civilization back farther and farther. TSOUKALOS: Earth has a much deeper prehistory than what we read about in textbooks today. You can read that Puma Punku or Tiahuanaco, for example, was built between 500 and 800 AD. Some archaeologists have suggested that Puma Punku and Tiahuanaco might date back as far as 12,000 years BC, so around 14,000 years ago. NARRATOR: Could it be that a sophisticated culture existed on Earth thousands and even tens of thousands of years ago? But if so, who built it? What happened to it? And might there still be remnants of it, standing boldly, right before our eyes? According to ancient astronaut theorists, many of the answers can be found by looking no further than the Old Testament of the Bible. NARRATOR: Throughout the world, there are incredible man-made structures that have been found to date back thousands of years earlier than archaeologists initially thought. Is it possible that an advanced civilization really existed on Earth in mankind's prehistory? A close examination of the so-called "Old Testament" of the Judeo-Christian Bible suggests that although Adam and Eve are presumably the first humans created by God, their son Cain later went on to marry and join a thriving community. REVEREND LIONEL FANTHORPE: There are a number of biblical stories which make us suspect that perhaps Homo sapiens were not the only species on Earth or even the first ones. Although Adam and Eve are recorded in the Garden of Eden as the first human parents that when Cain went on his way after murdering his brother, Abel, he comes to another city with other beings living in it. Now, who are they? What are they? NARRATOR: According to ancient astronaut theorists, several ancient texts can be found that describe beings that dwelled upon the earth before the time of Adam and Eve. These are often referred to as the "pre-Adamites." There is a long and ancient history of what today are called pre-Adamites. Now, who are they and what are they? This is a subject, of course, of many legends. Those legends tell us tremendous amount of things. People's lives extended for thousands of years. They allegedly reached high levels of technology, even traveling to the stars, and yet somehow something went wrong in their civilization. The pre-Adamic civilization fell, but some went to the stars, and they were told, ordered by God, to watch and to observe. Well, let's assume for a moment that we had this incredible planet, and, all of a sudden, the extraterrestrials, other beings, came here, and they had their own facilities, their own monuments, their own communities for at least some time. And then, somewhere along the line, they took off. NARRATOR: Stories of a time when otherworldly beings occupied the planet can be found in nearly all world mythologies. For the ancient Egyptians, the dawn of life on Earth is referred to as "Zep Tepi," "the first time," when the god Osiris served as an earthly ruler. The ancient Greeks called this period the "Golden Age," when the Titans and the Olympians dwelled on Earth. And the ancient Sumerian accounts detail a time before the creation of man when the gods were the sole occupants of the planet. The basic suggestion is that extraterrestrials colonized Planet Earth thousands of years ago, and we're talking not 10,000 or 15,000 years ago, but hundreds of thousands of years ago. NARRATOR: But if an advanced, possibly extraterrestrial, civilization really did exist here on Earth, why is there no record of it? No apparent archaeological or architectural evidence? BAHN: For most of the cultures studied by archaeology, we are bereft of probably the vast majority of what they produced. This is particularly true the further back in time you go, simply because anything organic will-will not survive. TSOUKALOS: The reason why most of the ancient monuments were built by using stone is because stone lasts forever. That's it. And the reason why we have these monuments today is because they were calling cards. They were calling cards of a pre-civilization. NARRATOR: Mechanical engineers, like Nikhil Kar, study the deterioration, corrosion and decomposition of various materials to determine the approximate rate of decay and structural failure. By applying these principles to a cityscape, scientists are able to determine roughly how long it would take the hallmarks of a sophisticated civilization to disappear. If civilization was abandoned, after 50 years, you would start to see, um, material degradation processes take over for a skyscraper, for example, would see parts of the external facade crumbling to the ground. For steel material, you're gonna start to see little pits form in that steel structure. After a thousand years, the soil may begin to absorb the material and erode the material itself. Eventually, you're gonna get to a point where only stone materials, natural stones are gonna be around, such as Mount Rushmore. NARRATOR: Quito, Ecuador. Here in the grasslands of South America are the remnants of the Great Incan Road. The sophisticated network of pathways and trails covers over 25,000 miles though Ecuador, Peru, Bolivia, Argentina and Chile. The Inca built this vast roadway without the use of the wheel, draft animals, metal tools or even a written language. Yet modern engineers have noted that the roadway incorporates advanced engineering principles. ED BARNHART: The Inca road system was really one of the most magnificent ancient architectural feats ever made. One of the things that made the Inca roads so incredible is that they traversed the Andes, these incredibly tall, steep mountains. They had to bore tunnels through mountains. They cut narrow paths along sheer cliff faces. BRIEN FOERSTER: One of the most intriguing things about the Inca road system is that there is a major artery that goes from the northwest to the southeast. And along that, we find almost every major megalithic construction, including Tiahuanaco, Puma Punku, Cuzco, Machu Picchu, Ollantaytambo and Saksaywaman. Many are starting to believe that these megalithic structures are thousands of years older than the Inca, and therefore parts of the Inca road system are, as well, thousands of years older than that civilization. The Incas, so many of their great structures Cuzco and their royal highway you ask them, "Who built these? How did you build these?" And they'll say, "We didn't build this." Well, who did build it? CHILDRESS: The Incas had elaborate legends of coming through tunnel systems in the earth, appearing on an island in Lake Titicaca, and then coming to Cuzco and finding already a-a system of tunnels and-and ancient mines and structures. It was home of the gods. It's where they lived before they left. NARRATOR: Is it possible that the foundations of the Inca superhighway and the megalithic sites along it are remnants of an extraterrestrial civilization that once colonized Earth? According to ancient astronaut theorists, the answer is a profound yes. And to prove it, they point to a series of stone carvings said to depict mankind's ancient ancestors. NARRATOR: Southeastern Turkey. Buried beneath 20 feet of sand, archaeologists unearth the world's oldest temple complex... Gobekli Tepe. Radiocarbon dating suggests that the site dates back to at least the tenth century BC, a time before the end of the last ice age and 6,000 years before prehistoric man was said to have developed language. BAHN: Gobekli Tepe is really one of the greatest archaeological discoveries of all time. There are very few finds in archaeology that really changed the whole way we look at the past. And that is essentially what has happened, because our view of hunter-gatherers, uh, has changed enormously. We now know they were capable of coming together in large numbers with... under presumably some kind of authority to cooperate on massive projects such as Gobekli Tepe, which involved bringing huge pieces of stone from quite some distance away, carving it beautifully, setting these pillars upright, and doing this on a massive scale. The very first temples in the world are at Gobekli Tepe. And-and this in many ways changes everything, because here we have the smoking gun of a lost civilization. It confirms to us absolutely that at the end of the last ice age, there was high culture existing in the world. There's no doubt in my mind that there are question marks all around the ancient world. And Gobekli Tepe offers such a giant question mark, because according to mainstream science, we were sitting in caves, munching on bananas. And clearly that isn't the case. NARRATOR: Although, to date, archaeologists have only excavated less than one acre of this 22-acre site, what they have found is astounding. The remains of a complex of buildings, massive walls and T-shaped stone formations, some nine to ten feet tall and weighing up to 50 tons. Many of the stone pillars are covered with relief carvings of animals, reptiles and insects. Archaeologists have also found figures at the site that appear to represent humans with strangely stylized clothing. BAHN: We have no idea what these humans represent. We suspect that these are not just simple statues commemorating people. T-They could be gods. They could be spirits. They could be ancestors, something of that kind. NARRATOR: But perhaps most intriguing is a life-size statue found just six miles away that has been dated to the same period... the Urfa Man. DAVID WILCOCK: This looks like a person who has come from an advanced civilization, who's wearing something that has much more of a defined collar, possibly even some sort of advanced space suit. What the heck is he doing there? His face looks strange, he's bald, his head, his eyes look weird. There's something unusual about this guy, and that could be a clue that leads us into the mystery of an antediluvian, or pre-flood, civilization. NARRATOR: Is it possible that the strange humanoid figure found near Gobekli Tepe actually represents an extraterrestrial? A being from a lost civilization that existed on Earth sometime before the last ice age? If so, does it give credence to other ancient stories describing otherworldly civilizations that once existed here on Earth? There is this recessed courtyard in Tiahuanaco that has all these different faces. These stones were found underneath the soil, meaning that at some point, some type of event happened that buried these particular stones. Some have actually surmised that they represent some type of a pre-flood civilization, that what we have here is, in fact, a remnant that depicts that society. All over the world, we have giant statues and-and carvings of people's faces and heads. Some of them are giant colossal heads like the Olmec colossal heads. Others are the Easter Island type statues, which are huge and depict people who have elongated heads. They're cone heads, essentially. They were giants of yore with godlike powers. In my mind, we would call them extraterrestrials. In all of these places, the locals are saying, "Yes, these are our ancestors. These are the people who came before us." NARRATOR: Might our planet really have been inhabited by alien visitors tens of thousands of years ago? And might they have brought with them advanced knowledge, incredible architecture and technology that virtually vanished, without a trace... save for a few stone carvings and monuments? But why? What catastrophic event might have happened on Earth that would have wiped out everything that wasn't made of stone? Perhaps further evidence can be found by examining a number of massive man-made caves recently discovered in China. NARRATOR: Zhejiang Province, China. June 1992. A local villager pumping water out of a pond in Phoenix Hill uncovers a man-made cavern with stairs... hallways... and massive ten-story-tall pillars. The grotto is one in a series of 24 separate caverns, each with similar proportions and intricately carved walls, floors and ceilings. BAHN: Nobody really knows what on earth these things are. There's no trace of them having been occupied or being used for storage. Uh, certainly not for burials. There's no trace of anything like that. TSOUKALOS: There's a Swiss author by the name of Luc Burgin who was the first to take this story outside of China in his book China's Mysterious Cave Labyrinth. And what he showed me convinced me that some kind of advanced technology was used here. It's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen, where you enter this subterranean world that clearly has been hewn out of the bedrock with artificial means. It's almost as if there was some sort of artificial mechanism that was grinding and drilling all of the stone out, and this suggests the possibility that they may have had some sort of technology. NARRATOR: Archaeologists estimate that the material excavated from the site would amount to nearly one million cubic meters... approximately the volume of 400 Olympic-sized pools. Yet there is no evidence of where this material would have gone. And Chinese officials have calculated that an endeavor of this magnitude would take a minimum of 1,000 men working day and night for at least five years. There is no historical record, uh, of these caverns having been excavated. So there's no document explaining what they were used for, who excavated them. And this remains a very, very, uh, frustrating detail for historians. COLLINS: We know that in China there are written records that go back at least 3,000 years. They make absolutely no mention of these caves. So we must look much further back in time for their origin. But exactly how old are they? Are they 4,000 years, 5,000 years? Are they even 10,000 years? We just don't know at this time. TSOUKALOS: Some have suggested that they're up to 15,000 years old. In fact, Chinese scholars are the ones who have proposed that this cave system dates back to one of China's first emperors, Huang Di. And Huang Di, as we all know, descended from the sky in nothing else but a fiery dragon. WILCOCK: Somebody went to an extreme amount of trouble to build an underground civilization. Why would they do that? Is it possible that something was happening on the surface of the Earth? When we go back to the Icelandic legends, we see this cataclysm that is described as a cataclysm of fire called the Ragnarok in which you have flames in the air and rocks and gravel raining down from the sky. NARRATOR: In the Icelandic Ragnarok legend, the world is turned upside down. A great fire is followed by a submersion of the world in water, resulting in the death of the Nordic gods and their offspring. Only two humans are left to repopulate the earth. It is a tale much like that of the Great Flood found in the Judeo-Christian Bible. And similar stories of a great deluge... one that marks the end of an old world and the start of a new one... can be found in the histories of virtually every ancient civilization on our planet. ROBERT SCHOCH: Virtually every culture, every ancient culture talks about floods and ancient floods. Some people dismiss this as, you know, myth without explanation. But what we find geologically is, in fact, we would expect flood legends. NARRATOR: In 2007, a consortium of geologists publishes its collective findings indicating evidence of a major meteor event. What they discover is a carbon-rich layer in the geological record at various sites across the globe dating back to around 10,900 BC. A separate study conducted by scientists studying Arctic ice core samples finds evidence suggesting a rapid glacial melt at nearly the same time period. SCHOCH: The Ice Age ends very, very dramatically, almost literally overnight. You see this in the ice cores. All of a sudden, there are dramatic changes, temperatures rising, torrential rains, flooding. NARRATOR: Could the geological record suggest that the stories of a global cataclysm are true? If so, might the stories of a cleansing of the earth of otherworldly beings, leaving only humans to repopulate the planet, also be true? Ancient astronaut theorists say yes and suggest further evidence exists in the tales of a long lost continent. NARRATOR: Minneapolis, Minnesota. Here at the Minnesota Historical Society are housed boxes upon boxes of notes, letters and research material detailing evidence of an antediluvian, or pre-flood, civilization. The collection is the culmination of an exhaustive search for proof of a prehistoric civilization, conducted by the 19th century U.S. senator. Ignatius Donnelly. COLLINS: Ignatius Donnelly was a very interesting person. He was a U.S. congressman. Um, he was a writer. He was a-a cryptologist. And in 1882 he came out with his most famous book... _ What he did was to propose the existence of a mother civilization, a-a lost civilization that existed at the time of the last ice age. CHILDRESS: Ignatius Donnelly was fascinated by the story of a lost civilization that was destroyed over 10,000 years ago. He looked into all kinds of scientific anomalies at the time, including the extinction of mammoths and other animals. Stories of a civilization within the Americas and in the Atlantic. NARRATOR: In his writings, Donnelly concluded that not only did a lost civilization actually exist, but that it was destroyed due to a meteoric-type event that shifted the earth's axis in the distant past. Donnelly believed that remnants of this civilization could be found in the Americas... and the ultimate evidence would be located underwater in the Caribbean. He was convinced that when Christopher Columbus sailed west from Spain in 1492, he knew this as well. COLLINS: The explorer Christopher Columbus, before his epic journey to the New World, was very much aware of the stories of a lost civilization. It was something that was discussed in the various European cults at this time. Ancient mariners, the voyagers of the past, had maps which showed different areas of the earth, which they could not know anything possibly about because they hadn't been discovered at that time, and were probably accessible to people like Christopher Columbus, before his journey to the New World. There were legends in the Middle Ages that there was a land and a continent across the Atlantic. And early maps started showing... before Columbus, even... a large island in the Atlantic, which they called Antillia. Columbus, on his first journey to the New World, as he neared the Caribbean, he started seeing weird lights in the sky. So you have to wonder: were extraterrestrials purposely trying to help Columbus? Perhaps some of the knowledge that he had of maps, and that he was really going to find land across this ocean, had been assured to him. NARRATOR: Could Columbus have been purposely guided to this area not only by ancient maps of unknown origin, but also by extraterrestrial beings? Although the secret maps and charts of Christopher Columbus have been lost, scholars attribute them as having been a key source in the creation of one of history's most enigmatic maps. The Piri Reis map has been dated to 1513 AD, but what it illustrates suggests geological knowledge that was unknown until our modern age. ERICH VON DANIKEN: A Turkish seaman, an admiral, painted the map. His name was Piri Reis. Now, if you see the map, you see the coastline of the southern part of France. Then you see Spain. Then you see what is today's Gibraltar. Then you see a part of Africa. On the other side, you see a coastline of South America, but what is important, on the bottom of the map of Piri Reis you see the coastline of Antarctica. Now, this coastline is covered today with ice and snow. So somebody must have mapped this before the Ice Age. NARRATOR: The continent of Antarctica was discovered in 1820, over 300 years after Piri Reis drew his map. And scientists have proposed that the Antarctic coastline has been obscured by ice for at least 6,000 years. Could it be that the original source for the maps of Columbus and the Piri Reis map predates our recorded history? If so, has evidence been left behind on Earth to assure that we can piece together the truth about a lost civilization? Ancient astronaut theorists say yes and claim further proof may be found underwater in the Bahamas. NARRATOR: Andros Island, the Bahamas. 2003. Members of the Association for Research and Enlightenment conduct aerial searches for underwater structures that might reveal evidence of a lost civilization. Off of the coast of Andros, they discovered an incredible platform of rectangular and square stones that stretched for several hundred yards. And all the indications are that it goes back to the end of the last ice age and is probably around 11,000 to 12,000 years old. NARRATOR: The search is part of a long-term project working in conjunction with the Cayce Foundation. Their quest is to locate remnants of the lost continent of Atlantis, which healer and psychic Edgar Cayce said would be located in the area. WILCOCK: Edgar Cayce is arguably America's greatest psychic. He was born in 1877, died in 1945, and he has documented over 14,000 psychic readings. What's interesting is that Cayce also got into things like reincarnation. Some of Cayce's clients were told that they had lifetimes in the so-called mythical civilization of Atlantis. In fact, Cayce's reading said that the people of Atlantis, as a whole, had mass reincarnated as the people of America and that America was, in a sense, a future-life carryover of Atlantis. NARRATOR: Cayce revealed in his psychic readings that the truth about the nature of this lost civilization exists in a hidden hall of records at three locations across the globe: in Egypt near the Sphinx, underwater in the Bahamas, and in the Yucatán Peninsula. Any three of these areas apparently would have all of the records that we would need to completely rebuild our history and understand how there may have been much more widespread extraterrestrial presence here on Earth. NARRATOR: Could recent archaeological finds in the Bahamas confirm that Edgar Cayce was right about the existence of a lost extraterrestrial civilization? And if so, should we be concerned about his predictions for the future of humanity? Cayce was a cataclysmist, and in his readings, he was constantly talking about Earth changes and pole shifts that caused civilizations to be destroyed in ancient times. And Cayce said that we were gonna have another pole shift around the time of the millennium. Even a relatively small asteroid, coming in at the right angle... not necessarily hitting Earth, but sort of grazing the earth... could, theoretically, change the tilt axis of the earth significantly. Now, if that occurred, land and ocean would redistribute on the earth. WILLIAM HENRY: It seems as if history repeats itself. And it may be that at this moment, we are exactly in the same situation that the citizens of Atlantis were in. COLLINS: Perhaps we will find out exactly what had happened to this lost civilization and learn from their mistakes and not sink into oblivion ourselves. TSOUKALOS: The more we uncover, it will all point in one direction. We are not the first and we never have been. An extraterrestrial pre-civilization existed before our recorded history, and this truth will be revealed within our lifetime. NARRATOR: Could the stories of a time when gods and otherworldly beings inhabited the earth be more than just mythology? And might the discovery of unexplainable remnants from this lost civilization reveal the truth about our extraterrestrial origins, as ancient astronaut theorists suggest? Perhaps we are on the verge of uncovering the final piece of the puzzle that will change our understanding of Earth's history forever. But will we uncover it before it's too late? Bizarre shapes... LINDA MOULTON HOWE: What in the world is making these patterns and why? Intricate designs... David Wilcock: Scientists are now saying that this geometry is the secret keys to the higher dimensions. And a mysterious method that defies explanation. Nick Pope: Everyone was scratching their heads and saying, "What's going on here?" Narrator: Are the patterns appearing on fields across the globe part of an elaborate hoax? Or could there really be an otherworldly connection? GIORGIO TSOUKALOS: These are messages from elsewhere. And elsewhere, in my opinion, means of extraterrestrial origin. Narrator: Since the dawn of civilization, mankind has credited its origins to gods and other visitors from the stars. What if it were true? Did extraterrestrial beings really help to shape our history? And if so... could they really be communicating using circles from the sky? Turin, Italy. June 23, 2015. Pilot Silvio Sirotto reports that while flying over a wheat field directly in the flight path of the local airport, he spotted a mysterious design seemingly pressed into the crops. Investigators are baffled as to how the design could have been created without any detection in such a high-traffic area. To date, it remains a mystery, but it is only one of the latest examples in a strange phenomenon that has been going on for decades, and possibly much, much longer. Over 10,000 crop formations have been found worldwide. They have been reported in over 50 different countries and on nearly every continent on Earth. Commonly known as crop circles, the formations are designs pressed down into fields. They range from small circles to elaborate pictograms hundreds of feet across. They have been found in various crops, including wheat, barley, oilseed rape and corn. And they've been making worldwide headlines since the mid-1960s. One of the first, in 1966, it was Tully, Queensland, Australia. A farmer heard a buzzing sound and literally saw this big, round, maybe 30-feet-diameter craft, disk, rising up out of what essentially was marshy, reedy ground. And it goes up and disappears, and left behind the circle. CHARLES MALLETT: Beginning in Tully, Australia, there seems to be a kind of a smattering of these circular impressions, relatively simple, but in several locations around the world. 1960s, '70s, '80s, liberal sprinkling of circles, 1990 bang, and the whole thing goes planet-wide. Narrator: By 1991, over 2,500 formations had been reported across 23 different countries. HOWE: As an investigative reporter who began about three decades ago, trying to get to the bottom of this phenomena, I remember getting these photographs and reading that there were no footprints. No one was walking around, because if they had, we would have seen broken stalks. Everybody was raising this question: "What in the world is making these patterns and why?" They had scientists and meteorologists in the field, and it was really fascinating and people really got into it in a big, big way. Pope: Nobody knew what to make of this. Politicians, scientists, the UFO community everyone was scratching their heads and saying, "What's going on here? What is this?" Some people thought that it was extraterrestrial. Others thought it was a meteorological phenomenon of some sort. And other people said, "Well, it must be a hoax." Narrator: On September 9, 1991, two retirees from the English countryside, Doug Bower and Dave Chorley, came forward with an admission that they were behind the crop formations. Using nothing more than a board and strings, the hoaxers demonstrated their technique for pressing down the crop to form a design. HOWE: I won't forget when the news came that there were these two men saying they were responsible for all the crop formations. And immediately, because of all the work that I had been doing was, well, they weren't traveling to 23 nations, Number one. Number two, they were off-kilter. They were not geometric. And for those of us who have been in real crop formations, there's just no comparison. MALLETT: Doug and Dave, "the men that conned the world." That was the headline in our local newspaper here. And these two men came forward and said, "We done it all. We made all the crop circles since 1976, everything." Most people pretty much swallowed that, hook, line and sinker. Pope: There are some theories that, uh, Doug and Dave were just government stooges, that, uh, the plan was to bring the whole subject into disrepute, to discredit it, and to-to make the media just go away. Narrator: But could it be that there is more to the crop circle phenomenon than a modern-day hoax orchestrated by pranksters? Ancient astronaut theorists say yes, and suggest that crop formations are not, in fact, a modern phenomenon at all, but can be traced back hundreds of years. JONATHAN YOUNG: There is a report from the year 815, of the Bishop of Lyon, a warning, notifying another priest who was going to take over his parish that the locals are involved in something he considers devil worship. They're gathering seeds in a flattened circle of the crops and using them in fertility rituals. Wilcock: There are some very strange accounts in the 1600s. One of the original scientists, Dr. Robert Plot, reported seeing crop circles appearing on his land in Staffordshire, England. And he actually drew diagrams of what he was seeing. We also have the infamous legend, in the 1600s, of the so-called "mowing-devil." TSOUKALOS: One of the first crop circles ever reported was a mowing-devil that was in England going through the wheat fields. There's actually a woodcut that shows what, for all intents and purposes, looks like a crop circle, but has this black creature that just runs around with the horns. So the idea was, in folklore, that something or someone laid down this formation in a wheat field. And that goes back all the way to 1678. Some even have suggested that there may be a description of a crop circle in the Dead Sea Scrolls. WILLIAM HENRY: In the Dead Sea Scrolls is a cryptic reference to a light that leaves a mark on the ground. Interpreters ask: is it possible that the marks on the land specifically on the barley and the lentil are crop circles? Narrator: Is it possible that crop circles have appeared for hundreds, if not thousands of years? And if so, could it be that while some of these formations have been exposed as hoaxes, many others are connected to otherworldly beings? Perhaps further clues can be found by putting a man-made crop formation to the test. Narrator: Wiltshire, England. This sleepy countryside, just over 100 miles west of London, is considered ground zero for the crop circle phenomenon. It is also home to many mysterious ancient sites, including Stonehenge, Avebury, Silbury Hill and West Kennet Long Barrow. MALLET: One could quite reasonably and easy make the connection that these crop circles are happening in these places because these places are markings of certain energetic corridors or crossover points or very special places that were used by people in the past for presumably metaphysical reasons meditating, praying, ritual, whatever. Narrator: Today, ancient astronaut theorist and explorer. Giorgio Tsoukalos is in Wiltshire to meet up with three men who have a unique perspective on crop formations. Hi. - Giorgio. John? Good to meet you. Narrator: John Lundberg, Rob Irving and William Russell have over two decades of experience creating artistic designs in crops. So, thanks very much for meeting me out here. Narrator: Giorgio will challenge them to recreate a simple formation that many crop circle investigators suggest cannot be perfectly reproduced. In 2005, overnight, the Golden Ball formation was created. This is what it looks like right here. You might be familiar with this one. Got the different circles. - JOHN LUNDBERG: How big is it? 96 feet in diameter. - Okay. So it's not small, it's fairly large, and, um, I was wondering if you could recreate this. We can certainly try, yeah. - Right? Now, this was done overnight, so the most you'll have is about five to seven hours. - Okay. And you'll be using these boards? Yeah, this is called a stalk stomper, which is the tool that we use for flattening the crop. All right, well, shall we get started? Sure. - Okay. Let's do it. Well, you're starting on the ring. Narrator: John Lundberg and his team begin by measuring out the design using a tape measure. This one, here. Narrator: After determining where to place the edges, they use their wooden stalk stompers to shuffle their way across the upright stems to create the desired pattern. Keep going. Narrator: The team is able to complete the challenge within the allotted time. Well, that was quick. - Pretty good, huh? Really good stuff. All right. - Thanks. So, did you guys encounter any problems or any challenges? I think the only problem is-is the crop is a bit kind of tangly. But I-I'm happy with it. I think it should look great from the air. Some more altitude. Keep going. Going up, going up. Narrator: In order to get a side-by-side comparison of the designs, Giorgio enlists the assistance of a local drone team. They send a camera up over the field. MAN: Climb a bit. And hold there. Oh, wow. I mean, it's a really nice recreation. There's no question about it. Pretty identical. - Yeah. Can't tell the difference really. - They're really impressive. Narrator: While the recreation of the Golden Ball Hill formation looks very similar to the original from the air, crop circle researchers suggest that what made the formation truly unique was not how it appeared from above, but how it appeared on the ground. So to examine the recreation up close, Giorgio meets up with crop circle investigator Charles Mallet. Hi, Charles. Hey, Giorgio. - Pleasure to meet you. How are you? - I'm okay. You're good? Come to the center here. Narrator: Mallet has been researching the crop circle phenomenon since the 1990s, and was one of the first investigators on the ground of the Golden Ball Hill pattern when it appeared in 2005. What are the telltale signs that leads you to believe that something is real or man-made, or real, whatever that means. I think we have to get over the notion that people can't make shapes in fields. People can make really impressive shapes in fields. So we have to get down there and look at the physical evidence before we start taking it further. When I stand in this formation, I look at the carpet of flowers across the top of these plants, and then I look on the ground. I see two separate situations undamaged and damaged, because they used a physical device, and it's men stepping with planks of wood. So it's crush, crush, crush, crush. And it produces a really clear pattern of damage. So there's a lot of the flowers have just been wiped off. And then if we were able to... - Sure. To maybe come and look right down into the detail. We need to just look at some, uh, stems here. Here's a good example of what happens to oilseed rape plants when they're physically pushed to the ground. Huge, ugly kink, very mechanical. Down here, there's bruising and scraping down the stems. What you're suggesting or what you're telling me is that in a non-man-made, uh, scenario, the stalks would not be broken like this. Absolutely. Can you show me some of those pictures that you brought to see the comparison? Yeah, yeah, sure. - Great. These are from taken from the original 2005 formation here. This is what I would expect to see in a real crop circle. Narrator: Incredibly, none of the flower heads on the original 2005 Golden Ball Hill formation were damaged or destroyed. And the seamless lay of flowers suggests that it was not mechanically produced using boards and shuffling over the stalks. In the original 2005 formation, there's nothing physical, nothing local, nothing mechanical made this circle. That really opens the door to so many possibilities. And the honest answer is: we do not know where these circles are coming from, the real ones. Narrator: If the Golden Ball Hill formation was not made with boards, then how was it created? And by whom? Perhaps further clues can be found by examining the intriguing evidence left behind at the scene. Narrator: Ann Arbor, Michigan. At the height of the crop circle phenomenon in the 1990s, former University of Michigan research physicist. W.C. Levengood and his team at BLT Research began scientifically analyzing samples from various crop formations found throughout the world. ELTJO H. HASELHOFF: The BLT team performed many different tests, from simple inspection under a microscope, chemical analyses of the soils and the plants, germination tests, uh, node length measurements and so on. They produced, uh, many, many lab reports and a couple scientific papers as well in which they explained what they found. We found that there are two scientifically-documented, all-over-the-world changes. The first is the apical node elongation. Most crops have four or even five nodes, and they are the knuckle-like protuberances that are found along the plant stem all the way down to the ground. The apical node is the very first node beneath the seed head, and that node becomes elongated, stretched, as compared to the control nodes in the rest of the field. Now, the node elongation can be a range actually between, say, 45% and over 200% elongation. The second visible plant change that is well tested are the expulsion cavities, holes blown out at the lower stem nodes, usually the second but sometimes also the third and fourth nodes. And literally, they're holes blown out at the nodes. Best I can tell, these visible changes are beyond the capability of humans at this point in time. This is indicative of some kind of intense heat that has hit the stalk and actually physically changed it. Who or what would have done this? Narrator: Could the physical anomalies found within some crop circles be evidence that they were created with advanced technology? And, if so, what might this technology be? Pleasure to meet you. Narrator: In January of 2000, using his own data as well as data collected by BLT Research, Dr. Eltjo Haselhoff published a scientific paper suggesting that the formations might be created by an unknown electromagnetic energy source. So you've actually done scientific analysis on some of those formations. So what were some of your conclusions? The hypothesis is that somehow electromagnetic energy is involved in the creation of these crop circles, and that somehow this energy causes node elongation. So the nodes in the stems get longer. And the more energy, the longer the nodes are. And that is very interesting, because all you need to do is take a cross section across a circle, like this, and measure the node length in each of these positions. And actually, this is what you see. This is in... at the perimeter. See these nodes, these dark areas? This is somewhere halfway, and that's in the center. So, you see, there is a huge difference in node length. TSOUKALOS: I mean, it's a hu... I mean, this is fascinating; this is incredible. HASELHOFF: And it's not just a little bit. - Okay. It's a difference in size between a horse and an elephant. It's-it's very, very significant, so you can actually make a graph of this. So this is the node length at the edge, when the node length is about two millimeters. So this is in the center of the circle, and the node length is, like, 4.2 millimeters. And going towards the perimeter, that's about two millimeters. You see, there is a massive change in node length. They're actually more than twice as long. Yeah, I mean, what, uh, what would do this? That's, uh, quite weird. HASELHOFF: Well, in this case, it was very interesting, because this crop circle, uh, actually had an eyewitness when it was... when it formed. And the eyewitness says, "I saw a ball of light, and it was standing still." And that is very important, because when a ball of light is standing still, we can very accurately predict how the energy will be distributed on the ground. And we know that there will be more energy in the center. And the more energy, the longer the nodes are. And we can also predict what the node length would have been. So you can check your hypothesis. And in this case, it was a perfect match. Amazing, isn't it? Now, this is where I get the goose bumps, because clearly there is something there, and no one denies that many of them are man-made, but then there is something bizarre. Do you have any... idea how, or who, might be behind it? That's a very difficult question. What I can say about that is... I don't know. So it is something that remains a giant question mark. Absolutely, yes. I find it very disheartening in a weird way that something as open as crop formations are not studied closer by the scientific community, that they are just offhandedly dismissed as flat-out hoaxes from the get-go, when there is concise scientific evidence that not every crop circle is man-made. Maybe the origin is extraterrestrial. Narrator: Does this peer-reviewed scientific research provide evidence that not all crop formations are the product of hoaxers? And, if so, could there be an otherworldly, perhaps extraterrestrial, origin to them? Perhaps further clues can be found by exploring eyewitness accounts of the crop circle phenomenon. Narrator: Salisbury, England. July 7, 2007. Local paralegal and crop circle researcher Gary King spends the night camping out on Knap Hill, an area known for sightings of mysterious orbs and other strange occurrences. It was the seventh of July 2007, so because it was a kind of an auspicious date the seven-seven-seven we decided we'd come here. I came here with my girlfriend to do a night watch. So we arrived here, and at about 3:00 in the morning, we had a big white flash of light, which completely encompassed the sky. And about 20 minutes after that, we looked, and we could see this crop circle laid out in front of us. The field it appeared in was this field here to the right that's yellow now. It was actually wheat the year that it occurred, but they rotate the crops. And it started from way back at... near those trees and then came over the brow of this hill. It was absolutely enormous. Narrator: The crop formation extended 1,033 feet long and 490 feet wide. The over two-acre design contained 150 individual circles the largest, 164 feet across. KING: I have no idea what made it. What I do know though is that people with boards didn't make this. Narrator: Gary King's experience is just one of many firsthand accounts of designs that mysteriously appear in a short period of time. It is documented that there are approximately 70 cases of people having an eyewitness sighting of the formation of a crop circle where they are literally standing there in the crop, and it just spontaneously forms in front of them. There is a loud tweeting sound in a lot of cases. And then this sort of crackling electrostatic charge on the crops. And then you just watch as almost like an oriental fan is unrolling, just... the crops just fold down. In a matter of three seconds, it's all finished. Narrator: Crop circle researchers cite that many of these eyewitness accounts include sightings of strange lights in and around a formation. Milk Hill, Wiltshire, England. 1991. Steve Alexander, a local photographer, is filming footage of a crop formation from a neighboring hill, when he captures a strange metallic light floating in the field below. MALLETT: His camera caught sight of what seemed to be a white orb of light flying right across this field right next to a crop circle. That orb of light, whatever it was, flew directly over a tractor working in the next field down. And later on, that farmer was contacted, and he said, "I saw this weird orb of light about the size of a melon or something fly over my tractor." I myself have seen several, and they are astonishing in their brightness. We are dealing with intelligent plasmas that are sending and receiving information for another intelligence of unknown origin. Orbs of light are a commonly associated phenomenon with crop circles, and this goes all the way back to the story of the mowing-devil in 1678. The sighting of lights is often associated with these phenomena, and they do seem to suggest something we don't understand. The ghost lights, the will-o'-the-wisp sightings represented some force of nature we had not entirely acknowledged or given sufficient respect to, some mystery that we need to come to grips with. Wilcock: It could be an actual craft, or it could potentially be something like the stylus from an extraterrestrial hand that is somewhere far away, but this light is the projected form of a technology being used from the safety and comfort of space. We have to imagine an advanced extraterrestrial race sending out orbs of light that are sort of like peepholes for exploration. They come to a planet, they find something interesting, the peephole opens into a portal, perhaps through which these advanced visitors can pass, or perhaps through which a human could even enter and travel to the home planet of the orb. Is this what a crop circle is? To me, the proliferation of wormhole-themed crop circles tells us that this is the method of communication as well as travel of these advanced visitors. There is a possibility that we are dealing with time travelers. The time travelers are using the crop formations to judge the accuracy of their time travel. So are the crop formations designed for humans at all? Narrator: Just what purpose do crop circles serve? Are they landing codes for time travelers, as some crop circle investigators suggest? Or is it possible that they serve as a communication medium? One only meant for us to discover once we evolved enough to discern them from the sky. Narrator: Winchester, England. August 15, 2002. A crop formation bearing the image of what appears to be a Grey alien emerges in a wheat field. At the bottom right corner of the image is a disk-shaped object containing what some believe to be binary code, a computer language consisting of ones and zeros. There was a crop formation that unmistakably looks like an extraterrestrial, the proverbial Grey with the almond eyes and the triangular-shaped head. There's also at the bottom, there seems to be a computer disk and what looked like binary code. The message allegedly says, "Beware the bearers of false gifts and their broken promises. "Much pain, but still time. "There is good out there. "We oppose deceivers. Conduit closing." It was warning humanity about the deceivers, about dangers. Narrator: Just a year prior, on August 21, 2001, another formation that contained binary code appeared in a wheat field next to the Chilbolton Radio Observatory. Researchers are convinced that the design was a response to a message that was transmitted into space by astronomers Frank Drake and Carl Sagan in 1974. In November of 1974, Carl Sagan and Drake at Cornell University sent out from Arecibo, Puerto Rico, a signal of binary code about Earth to whoever in the cosmos would receive our signal. Narrator: The original message contained binary-encoded information, including the numbers one through ten, an image of our DNA strand, the figure of a human, and a graphic of the solar system with the position of Earth highlighted. It echoed absolutely, line by line by line. The DNA did not look like double helix. It was very bizarre. And then when you got down, instead of a six-foot human, it was this thing that was maybe a third the height of the human in Carl Sagan, and it was associated with a strange solar system. It was a very complex, very strange, one-of-a-kind pattern. We'd never seen anything like it before. Narrator: In 2004, a mysterious rock was found near the Roswell crash site bearing the same image as a crop circle that was discovered in Chiseldon, England, on August 2, 1996. On the Roswell Rock, you have an almost identical symbol in England. To me, it's very fascinating, because it essentially shows that they're trying to somehow communicate with us. So the idea is that perhaps some of these crop circles indeed are messages from elsewhere. And elsewhere, in my opinion, means of extraterrestrial origin. Narrator: Could it be that some crop formations serve as a medium for extraterrestrial communication? Many crop circle researchers say yes, and suggest further evidence of this can be found by examining the advanced astronomical, scientific, and mathematical equations contained within them. One formation had everyone baffled, and people were saying, "Well, what is this?" Then a mathematician had a look at it and said, "Wait a minute, that's a representation of pi. And it's correct down to ten decimal places." It's a representation of pi in a geometric sense. It's kind of interesting because the way you get pi out of it is the lengths of the different arcs in each segment. And what happens is there's these little notches in the spiral that let you know you're at the end of an arc. So you actually have to measure the arc lengths as you go around, and their lengths give you the digits of pi. And there's a little circle to give you the decimal point. So it's a really interesting example of using geometry as a code for representing digits and numbers. Pope: It just shows the level of knowledge, mathematical knowledge, geometric skill that goes into making these things. Many of the most famous crop circles actually derive from fractal patterns. The Mandelbrot set, the Julia set. To make these, you have to have knowledge of math. Mathematics is, of course, the universal language. If we ever encounter aliens, they're not gonna speak English or French or German. We'll speak and we'll communicate via mathematics. Could crop circles as some believe be an attempt from an alien civilization to reach out and communicate with us? Wilcock: There's a consistent amount of sacred geometry tetrahedrons, cubes, octahedrons, and even more complex geometric patterns. Many of our best and top scientists are now saying that this geometry is the secret keys to the higher dimensions. And it's right there in the crops, as if they're giving us a trail of bread crumbs, showing us how to get to the next level as a planet. Narrator: Might crop formations that contain celestial patterns and mathematical equations really have been created by otherworldly beings attempting to communicate with humans? And if extraterrestrial forces are sending messages to mankind, why aren't world governments more interested? Some insiders say they are, and suggest that they are not only interested, but may even be directly involved. Narrator: Avebury, England. July 2006. The shadow of a geometric pattern appears in a field. The design echoes a crop formation that was created in the exact same location 12 months prior. Crop circle researchers refer to this phenomenon as a "ghost formation." The ghost formations are a really curious aside to the main crop circle phenomenon. The following year or even later in the same year, there's an impression left in the field. Even though the original crop circle has been harvested or cut down in whatever way, there's a residual effect on the ground. That, to some people, seems utterly mysterious. Narrator: The altered growth pattern of the affected crops has been known to persist for up to two years after the initial crop circle appears, but only on certain formations. CHILDRESS: A number of crop circles reappear again. It seems that it's some effort to communicate with us, from extraterrestrials, by putting these designs onto the ground over and over again. And perhaps what they're trying to do is give us information that they think we need, but we just need to decipher it. Narrator: Could there really be a message so important that the residual design persists in the crops for months and even years? If so, wouldn't the crop circle phenomenon be more closely monitored by world governments? Some crop circle investigators say yes and suggest that the U.S. and British governments currently utilize satellite technology to secretly photograph and catalog crop formations. But others suggest their involvement may actually run much deeper. Just as it was British government policy to downplay the true interest in UFOs, so it was the case with crop circles. If there's an alien message there, of course government would want that knowledge and they'd want to keep it for themselves. The intriguing thing there is, of course, that some of the formations that people are seeing might actually be made by the government. Government scientists would be making the reply that goes out from us to the extraterrestrials. HOWE: Whether crop formations are the residue of intelligent plasmas or extraterrestrials or a combination of both, why can't the whole world know what it is that the governments know about crop formations and lights? What would happen if the whole planet knew, if all humans knew we're not alone? Narrator: Is it possible that world governments are secretly working to uncover messages encrypted within crop circles, and are even attempting to communicate with otherworldly entities by creating crop circles themselves? And if these formations really are messages from extraterrestrials, just what are they trying to communicate? HOWE: Something keeps laying things down in sequence as if it has a big picture of how it is communicating with this planet, but it is doing so in pieces. If you looked at the math and you looked at the warnings, something champions us, wants us to evolve. TSOUKALOS: I think that the crop formations are a calling card that we are being given, that is being put underneath our very eyes. And we really should pay attention to those messages. Those are little hints that are dropped worldwide that prepare us to change our point of view that we're not the only ones. Narrator: Have extraterrestrials been using crop circles to communicate with mankind throughout our history? Are these complex designs pieces of a mathematical puzzle that, once put together and deciphered, will reveal the truth about both our origins and our destiny? Perhaps we will unlock the secrets of the universe not by venturing out deeper into space, but by understanding the messages that are being given to us right here on Earth. HEAVY BREATHING CLARA: Doctor! Doctor! Yes, you're the very next thing on the list. Doctor, help me! Clara, I'm under attack from four-and-a-bit battle fleets, in case you think I'm slacking. Doctor... I think there's something in my space suit. Yes, that's possible, actually. - You were too long in the spider mines. - OK, explain? It's possibly a Love Sprite. Sucks your brain out through your mouth, hence the name. - It's halfway up my leg. - Don't worry, it's just hungry. - Doctor... - Describe the four most interesting stars you can see. There's a blue one, quite big. Two little yellowish ones just below. - Colour of whisky, smaller one blinking? - Yes! - It's on the back of my neck, I can feel it. - Great! I thought asphyxiation would kill you first. Can you see a nebula...? Can you see a nebula in a sort of wing-shape? Bit green at the end? Yes! Yes, I can. Great, I've seen it too. I wonder when it was. Doctor! DOCTOR! SHE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS LOVE SPRITE SPLATTERS SHE COUGHS How did we do? Oh, not a word about my spot-on materialisation skills(! ) What about all the Velosians? Are they safe? Huh? Oh, yeah. Well, I lured their attackers halfway across the universe and drained their weapons banks. Not to mention, I also saved a school teacher from having her brains devoured and being asphyxiated in deep space. So, now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go outside and wipe my boot on the grass. - What's to stop them re-arming and trying again? - Nothing. But the Velosians will be ready for them this time. It's the best I could do, Clara. I'm not actually the police, that's just what it says on the box. You're always talking about what you can and can't do but you never tell me the rules. We're time travellers. We tread softly. It's OK to make ripples, but not tidal waves. You are a tidal wave. Don't say that. SWORDS SCRAPE Doctor... No, no, not Vikings. I'm not in the mood for Vikings. - You're coming with us. - No, I'm not. Do you want to know why? THEY GRUNT ANGRILY On my face, right now, more advanced technology than your species will manage over the next nine million years. SONIC SUNGLASSES WHIR - Clara... - Yeah? .. we're going with the Vikings. HORN BLASTS CLAMOURING AND YELLING CHEERING You're back! All of you! Are all of you back? I suppose so, I haven't counted. I'm back! I had a dream you'd all died. It was so real, I thought I'd made it happen. Well, if it ever does, I'm sure you'll a find some way to blame yourself. I wish none of you had to go! Plan, Doctor? Any time soon. - I do have a plan. - Yeah, so you keep saying... for two days on a longboat. Only because you were looking worried. Only because you kept saying, "I do have a plan." - I do have a plan. - There you go. You all right? Do you know her? - Never seen her before in my life. - OK, so, why are you staring? I don't know. Nothing, probably. Too much time travel, it happens. What happens? People talk about premonition as if it's something strange. It's not. It's just remembering in the wrong direction. OK, plan. We meet the boss man and we do the usual. - Which is? - Replace him. - Father... - CLARA WHISPERS: How? To the primitive mind, advanced technology can seem like magic. - It's going to be the yo-yo again, isn't it? - Yeah. It's in my pocket somewhere. VIKING LEADER: We have travelled far... How did you do that? ! Magic. .. And much treasure. SHOUTING AND JANGLING How dare you...? ! I am very, very cross with you. I am very disappointed. I have taken human form to walk among you. Who are you, old man? Do you not recognise the sign... of Odin? ! You are not Odin, and that is not Odin's sign. Oh, and you would know that how, exactly? Have you met Odin? Do you know what Odin looks like? THUNDERCLAP THEY WHIMPER HEAVENLY CHOIR Oh, my people... .. I am Odin! and now your day of reward has finally dawned. Do not believe this foolish trickery! It's supposed to do that. Your mightiest warriors will feast with me tonight in the halls of Valhalla! Stay still. Stay very, very still. That's not really Odin, is it? He doesn't even have a yo-yo. - So this is an invasion? - Shh. No, this is a harvest. The strongest, the fittest... The weak and young, they'll leave behind. BANG We have to help them. We have to not get chosen. Clara... Clara, no! Have you still got the eye-patch thing? Clara! Point it at my chains and think the word "open". Say it with your mind. Clara! Clara! Welcome to Valhalla, my ladies. GRUNTING AND STRAINING No, wait! Wait! There's nothing to fear, strange maiden. - PROPELLERS WHIR - We are Odin's chosen. CREAKING The wall, it moves! Odin! Odin! Use your blades, try to jam it! Come on! Come on! Quick! Pull! I'm trying! Quickly! PROPELLERS WHIR They took half the village. Yeah, and it was the good half. They went willingly to Valhalla... as would we all. I wouldn't. Well, I wouldn't. I'm not good with heights. Oh, stop it! All of you, stop it, right now. Homo sapiens, you're an intelligent species. Stop lying to yourselves. Choose your words carefully, False Odin. Yes, I am a false Odin. That's exactly right, I lied. The big fella in the sky -- he lied too. You all know it. Because what's the one thing that gods never do? Gods never actually show up! Guess what? You got raided. Guess what else? I lost someone who matters to me. So did I. Ssh! HISSING AND BUBBLING Why are we still alive? Because of this. Explain. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you afraid. I have no reason to fear you. Except you've already analysed that and you know it's a technology from a civilisation vastly more powerful than your own, and you will have also noticed that... I'm wearing a space suit. So, I'm not from around here, and it's highly unlikely I will have come alone. You see, you haven't killed us because killing us would start a fight you didn't come here to have... and you're not sure you can win. Ooh, hello. Time for your medication? Adrenaline. Testosterone... extracted from the finest warriors. HE EXHALES Nec... tar. OK, you mash up Vikings to make warrior juice, nice. - They what? - Why play God? What is a god but the cattle's name for farmer? What is heaven but the gilded door of the abattoir? You're not a farmer. You're a thief, caught in the act. I don't understand. "Mashed up"? - What are you saying? - Hush! Go, now. Go and find Vikings on other planets. The universe is full of testosterone. Trust me, it's unbearable. We won't follow you, see? We don't need to fight. War is our way. Ask yourself, is this a war you really want? Yes! You'll pay for what you have done here today. I am a Viking. Ashildr, daughter of Einarr. You have mocked our gods. Killed our warriors. And we will crush you on the field of battle. That's better! - You were about to leave. - You almost had me talking! - Talk is for cowards. - No, no, no, listen to me. I accept your challenge. - We will crush you! - (Oh, please. Shut up.) Shall we say this time tomorrow? Ten of my warriors versus the best of your village. - You will beg for mercy! - HE LAUGHS I will send you back. You can inform your people of their impending destruction. - Why are you doing this? - Why else? The joy of war! Can't you see it on my face? BEEP SQUELCHING - Clara? - Child! Clara! Clara! I'm not a hugger... - Ahh! - No! Where are the others? - I'm sorry, Father. - I looked them up in my 2,000-year diary. - OK. - They're called the Mire. - Listen... - They're one of the deadliest warrior races in the entire galaxy... - OK! .. but they're practical. They get what they want and go. You persuaded them to go, didn't you? I knew you would! - The deadliest warrior race in the galaxy? - One of them, yes, why? Because I think this village just declared war on them. They're coming here tomorrow, ten of them, to kill everybody in the village. Ashildr... is this true? It's my fault. Not every misfortune that befalls this village is down to you. She thinks she brings us bad luck. What bad luck? You haven't had any bad luck. You're fine. - We are about to be attacked by... - Yes, yes, yes, yes. With a whole day to spare! So leave! Hop it, take off! Into the woods, split up, hide. Hang about there for a week, come back home, make puddings and babies -- that's basically what you do, isn't it? We cannot leave this village. Yes, you can. Just pick a direction. Fly like a bird, run like a nose - that's probably a Viking saying, I haven't checked that. - No! We will fight! THEY CLAMOUR Really? Well, I don't know if you remember, but they actually took away all your fighters. So, what are you? Farmers, fishermen... web designers.... Maybe not that last one. SWORDS CLATTER We are Vikings! THEY CHEER OK... tell me this. How many people here have actually held a sword in battle? By a show of hands? Mm-hmm. Yeah, baby. The Mire are coming for each and every one of you. So what you going to do? - Raise crops at them? - If necessary. I think he was being sarcastic. We're not cowards. We do not run. And a death in battle is a death with honour. ALL: Aye! BABY CRIES Do babies die with honour? "I am afraid, Mother." "Hold me, Mother..." ".. I am afraid." Um... He speaks Baby. "Turn your face towards me, Mother, for you..." "You're beautiful." "And I will sing for you." "I am afraid..." ".. but I will sing." Babies think that laughter is singing, did you know that? I applaud your courage, but I deplore your stupidity. And I will mourn your deaths, which will be terrifying, painful, and... without honour. Stay. You could help us. I know you could. I told you to run. That's all the help you need. And that's all the help you're getting. The earth is safe, humanity is not in danger. It's just one village. "Just one village?" Suppose I saved it... by some miracle -- no TARDIS, no sonic. "Just one village" defeats the Mire. What then? Word gets around. Earth becomes a target of strategic value, and the Mire come back. And God knows what else. Ripples into tidal waves... .. until everybody dies. BABY CRIES - What's it saying? - She. She's afraid. - Babies sense danger. They have to. - Tell me. "Mother, I hear thunder. "Mother, I hear shouting. "You are my world, but I hear other worlds now." "Beyond the..." ".. folding of your smile..." ".. is there other kindness?" "I'm afraid. "Will they be kind? "The sky is crying now." "Fire in the water." Fire in the water? BABY STOPS CRYING SUDDENLY You just decided to stay. The baby stopped crying. So, when I say "Move", you move. When I say "Jump", you say "How high?" Unless it's across a gap of some kind which, of course, means you jump horizontally. Yes, what is it, Lofty? Sorry, my name's not actually Lofty, it's Bro... No, it's not, it's Lofty. I've got too much to think about without everybody having their own name, so it's Lofty. You're Lofty, you're Daphne, you're Noggin the Nog, ZZ Top... and you're... .. Heidi. So, we'll try that again. Lofty, what is it? Sorry, sir, it's just... Why aren't we practising with REAL swords? Yes, perhaps you'd like to field this one, Limpy? - Because we can't be trusted with them. - That's right, yes. You'll be given your real swords back when you can prove that you can wave them around without lopping bits off yourselves. Heidi, why are your eyes closed? Sorry, sir. Just not that good with the sight of blood. No... of course you're not. Swords against those creatures -- that won't work, will it? He's just warming up. He hasn't got a plan yet. But he will have... .. and it will be spectacular. THE DOCTOR WHISTLES LOUDLY Enough theory. I'm handing out the real swords. HE LAUGHS HORN BLASTS WOMAN SCREAMS Well, that could have gone better. HEIDI GROANS Morning. What happened? The Big Bang, dinosaurs, bipeds, and a mounting sense of futility. More recently, Chuckles hit Lofty over the head, on his helmet, with his sword, which knocked him out. There was a little blood, which you saw and... did that. Only, the first time you did it, you knocked a torch onto some hay, which spooked a horse, who kicked open a gate, and I'm... .. sure you can fill in the rest. THUNDERCLAP Weird-sounding thunder. That's not thunder. It's the weapon forges of the Mire. They're making sure we hear them. Well? Well, Heidi faints at the mention of blood -- not just the sight any more, he's actually upgraded his phobia. Chuckles... he questions every single order you give him, which is going to be a little bit difficult, a little bit tricky, - in the heat of battle. - I keep waiting to hear what your real plan is. Teaching them to fight, that's the only plan I've got. Turning them into fighters? - That's not like you. - Yeah. I used to believe that too. - What happened? - You. Oh, Clara Oswald... .. what have I made of you? It doesn't matter how well you train them, - it's not going to make difference. - They'll die fighting with honour. To a Viking, that's all the difference in the world. A good death? Is that the best they can hope for? A good death is the best anyone can hope for... unless you happen to be immortal. Sorry. No problem. Night. - You've made an impact there. - Stop it. - She's nice. Fight you for her. The human race, you're obsessed. - You all need to get a hobby. - I've got a hobby, thanks. It's you, by the way. Well, get a new one. - Not this. - Tomorrow it's going to be a bloodbath... - Don't even ask! These people died hundreds of years before you were born... - I'm not running! - I have a duty of care. - No, you don't. - I never asked for that. - Every time we do something like this, I think, what if something happens to you? Stop thinking about me, and think about them - because you're missing something. - What? - How you're going to win. You always miss it right up until the last minute. So put down your sword, stop playing soldier and... look for it. Start winning, Doctor. It's what you're good at. So, we meet again, Fake Odin. Valhalla burns around you, your army is destroyed and NOW it is time for you to DIE! HE CLEARS THROAT - How long have you been there? - What's that? Is that a puppet? Oh, I love puppets! - I make puppets sometimes, when I'm... - Frightened? When the raiding parties go out, I make up stories about their battles. Because if you make up the right story, then you think it will keep them safe and they'll all come home. That's OK. You're not the first person to ever have done that. - Why are you here? - I'm looking for something I'm missing. What do you think our chances are tomorrow? We will be cut down like corn. By this time tomorrow, every single one of us will be dead. Yeah. You could go. There's nowhere for me, except here. This is my place. The sky, the hills, the sea, the people... Is there nowhere like that for you? Oh, I like a nice view as much as anyone. - But? - Can't wait for the next one. I pity you. I will mourn for you. I know which I'd prefer. You think they're all idiots, don't you? What, you mean the rest of the universe? Basically, yes, I do. But they're kind and brave, and strong, and I love them. Good, good, - but that won't save you. - I've always been different. All my life, I've known that. The girls all thought I was a boy, the boys all said I was "just a girl". My head is always full of stories. I know I'm strange. Everyone knows I'm strange But, here, I am loved. You tell me to run to save my life. I tell you that leaving this place would be death itself. I cannot keep you safe. I do not have the strength. But I will try to till the last beat of my heart. BABY CRIES If you seek to mock me in this moment... No, no, no, you go ahead, you cry all you like. Speaking of crying, is that baby getting closer? Why has Lofty stolen a baby? That's his child. Oh. Where's he taking her? The boathouse. He takes her to the boathouse when she won't settle. She likes the fish. Why would she...? Fire in the water. Fire in the water. Fire in the... Fire in the water, fire in the water... Fire in the water! That's it, that's it. That's what I've been missing. Clara, I've found it! Clara! Clara! BABY CRIES Lofty! I had no idea that was your baby. Hello, baby, I had no idea this was your junior parent. - I'm trying to settle her. She likes all the fish. - You're shouting. What's happened? Did you trap your finger in something again? Bedtime is cancelled. Everybody, off the hard stuff. We've got a long night's work ahead of us. I need a blacksmith. - Who's the blacksmith? - I'm the blacksmith. You're the blacksmith and you've got a baby too? - He's been at it hammer and tongs. - Doctor, explain. There's going to be a war tomorrow. And here's some news, this just in -- we're going to win the hell out of it. - How? - Ashildr, this is your village, and you will never have to leave it, - I swear. - Seriously, how? I told you that we were basically doomed. Did no-one in this two-horn town think to mention that you had... .. eels? - Eels? - I give you... fire in the water! Electric eels! - BABY CRIES - Yes, yes! I know exactly how you feel. Well, not exactly. She needs changing. Plan, then? And it is... a doozy! We need to pull that silvery stuff out of Clara's space suit. We can use it to magnify the electrical charge. Stop looking confused! Look happy! Winning is all about looking happier than the other guy. Always walk briskly. Makes you a moving target. Oh, that's for Lofty. Lofty! And talk with confidence, even if you're terrified. Act as if you know their plan, and sometimes, if you're very lucky, they'll actually tell you it. This is for Ashildr. Then we deploy the anvil. Now, at this stage, getting me one of their helmets is key. We get a helmet, and this is over, then we can mop up the rest using Ashildr's monstrosity. That is rubbish. I know. UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS Hey, hello, hey! I'm the Doctor. It's lovely to meet you face to... convincing hologram. You could always go "bzzz" and get rid of it, no? No, on second thoughts, don't. That suits you. It is time to fight. No, no, no. We decided against that. We thought we'd just have a party! THEY CHEER Let me put it another way. You fight or you die. We're unarmed. There isn't a single weapon in this room -- which I'm sure your systems are telling you. You wouldn't open fire on unarmed civilians, would you? It wouldn't be the first time. CLUNK Chuckles, NOW! ZAPPING Run, run, run-run-run-run! That's four down, six left. Go! Chuckles, switch! ZAPPING Chuckles, off! Don't move. Go! How's it coming? Reversing the polarity of the neutron flow. I bet that means something, it sounds great. Ashildr! - Are you ready? - I'm scared. You were born for this. Show them a story they'll never forget. HE INHALES SHARPLY ROARING What is this beast? It's impossible! ROBOTIC: Withdraw. Withdraw. Stand and fight! ROARING Withdraw. See how they run. Withdraw. Cowards! Withdraw. That's enough, Ashildr. Story's over. Happy ending. DRAGON ROARS BREAKING WIND HE LAUGHS CREAKING What trickery is this? Ha! Says the man with a fake face. But you see, that's the trouble with viewing reality through technology -- it's all too easy to feed in a new reality. You got it? Great. A story to save a town, and a puppet from a nightmare. You see, you've just seen the world through the eyes of a storyteller. The mighty armies of the Mire -- brutal, sadistic, undefeated. Even I believed the stories. But after today, no-one will again. An army like yours, it lives or dies on its reputation -- its story. And today, you were sent packing by a handful of farmers and fisherman. Not to mention the whole "wetting your pants and running away from a puppet" debacle. See, that was really funny. That was hilarious. It's just lucky that nobody recorded that. Wait a minute, we did. RECORDING PLAYS See, all it needed was the Benny Hill theme. The Benny Hill theme, yes! Now, you see, we could just keep this as a funny little film and play it every year at the Christmas party, OR... I could upload it to the galactic hub and get a second opinion. So, the question you need to ask yourself is this -- just how important is your reputation to you? Here's a little sneak preview, piped straight into your helmets, free of charge. - BENNY HILL THEME PLAYS - Wait! Cowards! If you don't leave right now, I'll put it out there for all to see and no-one will fear you again. This humiliation will not go unpunished. We will meet again. Oh, I hacked your teleporter. Sorry. CHEERING You did it, Ashildr. You did it. You saved us all. Ashildr... Ashildr? Ashildr! Get the helmet off her. Get it off, now. Ashildr? No pulse. I think... Doctor, is she dead? I'm sorry. I'm really terribly sorry. WATER TRICKLES Heart failure, yeah? Yeah. I plugged her into the machine. Used her up like a battery. HE EXHALES I'm so sick of losing. You didn't lose. You saved the town. I don't mean the war. I'll lose any war you like. I'm sick of losing people. Look at you, with your eyes, and your never-giving-up, and your anger, and your... .. kindness. One day... the memory of that will hurt so much that I won't be able to breathe, and I'll do what I always do. I'll get in my box and I'll run and I'll run, in case all the pain ever catches up -- and every place I go, it will be there. You did your best. She died. There's nothing you can do. I can do... anything. There's nothing I can't do. Nothing. But I'm not supposed to. Ripples, tidal waves, rules... I'm not supposed to. Oh. Oh! What? What's wrong? My face. Who frowned me this face? Why this one? Why did I choose this face? Doctor, what's wrong with your face? I think I know why I chose it. It's like I'm trying to tell myself something. I think I know what I'm trying to say. Just someone. Not the whole town. Just save someone. Come with me. I know where I got this face, and I know what it's for. OK, what's it for? To remind me. To hold me to the mark. I'm the Doctor, and I save people. And if anyone happens to be listening, and you've got any kind of a problem with that, to hell with you! What's he doing? Saving her... I think. WHIRRING It's from the Mire helmet. Battlefield medical kit. I've reprogrammed it for human beings. It's gone. It's inside her. It's repairing her. It will never stop repairing her, if it works. Come on, Ashildr. Come on. The story's not over yet. Daughter... .. listen to me. This town has lost so much. If we lose you too... .. there'll be nothing left. SHE GASPS Ashildr! She'll be conscious in a day, up and about in three -- no swimming for a week. Now we're going to need a longboat and some of your best rowers. We're two days' sail from the TARDIS. Come on, Clara! - Wait, no. She'll want to see you when she wakes. - Oh, no. She'll see me often enough - once she understands. - Understands what? Second dose. - Will she need to take this? - No, no, no, it's not for her. Then who's it for? Whoever she wants. Doctor... .. thank you. Don't thank me yet, Ashildr. Not yet. OK, it's official. Silence is even worse in a Scottish accent. Are you going to tell me what you're brooding about? It won't stop, the repair kit I put inside Ashildr, not ever. It'll just keep fixing her. Well, good. I'm not sure, but it's entirely possible she has lost the ability to die. The ability? Oh, dying is an ability, believe me. Barring accidents, she may now be functionally immortal. TARDIS DOOR UNLOCKS If the repair kit never stops working, then... .. why did you give her two? Immortality isn't living forever, that's not what it feels like. Immortality is everybody else dying. She might meet someone she can't bear to lose. That happens... .. I believe. I was angry. I was emotional. Just possibly, I have made a terrible mistake. Maybe even a tidal wave. Time will tell, it always does. Whatever you did for Ashildr... .. I think she deserved it. Yes. Yes, she did. But Ashildr isn't just human any more. There's a little piece of alien inside her, so in a way, she's... In a way... .. she's a hybrid. HORSE WHINNIES Stand and deliver. SHE SCREAMS If I didn't know better, I'd say this was a robbery. - The most wanted in the land. - Now is not the time to be showing off. Could it be we are looking for the same prize? The eyes of Hades? Who's this, your sidekick? I'm no-one's sidekick. Come on, sidekick. Watch and learn. There is an intruder on the premises. - What are you doing? - It's kill or be killed. You're playing with fire. Do you have a cat? (BREATHING HEAVILY) CLARA: Doctor! Doctor! DOCTOR: Yes, you're the verynextthingonthelist. Doctor, help me! Clara,I 'munderattack fromfourandabit. Battle fit, in case you think I'm slacking. Doctor, I think there's something in my spacesuit. That's... That's possible, actually. You were too long in the spider mines. CLARA: Okay, explain. DOCTOR: It'spossiblyalovesprite. Sucks your... Sucks your brain out through your mouth, hence the name. It's halfway up my leg. Don'tworry,it 'sjusthungry. CLARA: Doctor... Describe the four most interesting stars you can see. There's a blue one. Quite big. Two little yellowish ones just below. Colourofwhisky, smalleroneblinking? Yes. It's in the back of my neck. I can feel it. Great! Soasphyxiation wouldkillyoufirst. Can you see a nebula? Can you see a nebula in a sort of wing shape? -But green at the end. -(EXPLOSIONS) -Yes. Yes, I can. -Great. I've seen it, too. I wonder where it was. Doctor. (SCREAMING) Doctor! (GRUNTING) (CLARA COUGHING) (SQUELCHES) (EXCLAIMS) (COUGHING) (EXHALES) How did we do? Oh! Not a word about my spot-on materialisation skills. What about all the Philosians? Are they safe? Huh? Oh, yeah. Well, I lured their attackers halfway across the universe and drained their weapons banks. Not to mention, I also saved a school teacher from having her brains devoured and being asphyxiated in deep space. So now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go outside and wipe my boot on the grass. (DOOR OPENS) What's to stop them rearming and trying again? Nothing. But the Philosians will be ready for them this time. It's the best I could do, Clara. I'm not actually the police. That's just what it says on the box. You are always talking about what you can and can't do, but you never tell me the rules. We're time travellers. We tread softly. It's okay to make ripples but not tidal waves. You are a tidal wave. Don't say that. (SWORDS WHOOSHING) CLARA: Doctor. No, no, not Vikings. -(SWORDS WHOOSHING) -I'm not in the mood for Vikings. -You're coming with us. -DOCTOR: No. I'm not. And you want to know why? (VIKINGS GROWLING) On my face, right now, more advanced technology than your species will manage over the next nine million years. -Clara. -Yeah. We're going with the Vikings. (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) (HORN BLOWING) (CHEERING) ASHILDR: You're back. All of you. Are all of you back? I'm told so. I haven't counted. -I'm back. -(LAUGHS) I had a dream you'd all died. It was so real I thought I made it happen. Well, if ever does, I'm sure you'll find some way to blame yourself. I wish none of you had to go. CLARA: Plan, Doctor? Any time soon. I do have a plan. Yeah, that's what you keep saying. For two days on a longboat. Well, only because you were looking worried. Well, only because you kept saying, "I do have plan." -I do have a plan. -There you go. (INHALES) You all right? Do you know her? Never seen her before in my life. Okay, so why are you staring? I don't know. Nothing, probably. Too much time travel. It happens. What happens? People talk about premonition as if it's something strange. It's not. It's just remembering in the wrong direction. DOCTOR: Okay, plan. We meet the boss-man and we do the usual. -Which is? -Replace him. -Father. -CLARA: That one. To the primitive mind, advanced technology can seem like magic. It's gonna be the yo-yo again, isn't it? Yeah. It's in my pocket somewhere. VIKING: We have travelled far. We have fought... How did you do that? Magic. ...many miracles and much treasure. -(ALL EXCLAIMING) -How dare you insult our chief? I am very, very cross with you. I am very disappointed! I have taken human form to walk among you. Who are you, old man? Do you not recognise the sign of Odin? VIKING: You are not Odin. And that is not Odin's sign. Oh, and you would know that how exactly? Have you met Odin? Do you know what Odin looks like? (THUNDERCLAP) ODIN: Oh, my people. I am Odin. And now, your day of reward has finally dawned. Do not believe this foolish trickery. It's supposed to do that. Your mightiest warriors will feast with me tonight in the halls of Valhalla. Stay still. Stay very, very, still. CLARA: That's not really Odin, is it? He doesn't even know yo-yo. (VIKINGS SCREAMING) CLARA: So, this is an invasion? No, this is a harvest. The strongest, the fittest. The weak and the young, they'll leave behind. -We have to help them. -We have to not get chosen. Clara. Clara! Have you still got the eye-patch thing? (WHISPERS) Clara... (WHISPERING) Point it at my chains and think the word "Open." Say it with your mind. DOCTOR: Clara! Clara! (CHAINS CLINKING) (INDISTINCT TALKING) MAN: Welcome to Valhalla, my ladies. (VIKING GRUNTING) (GRUNTS) (LAUGHS) Wait. Wait! There's nothing to fear, strange men. We are Odin's chosen. (ELECTRICAL CRACKLING) (METAL RATTLING) The wall! It moves! (MEN SCREAMING INDISTINCTLY) Odin. Odin! Use your blades. Try to jam it. Come on. Quick. Pull! Trying! Quickly! (WHOOSHING) (DOG BARKING) VIKING 1: They took half the village. VIKING 2: Yeah. And it was the good half. They went willingly to Valhalla. Thus would we all. I wouldn't. Well, I wouldn't. I'm not good with heights. Oh, stop it. All of you stop it right now. Homo sapiens, you are an intelligent species. Stop lying to yourselves. Choose your words carefully, false Odin. Yes, I am a false Odin. That's exactly right. I lied. The big fella in the sky, he lied, too. You all know it. Because what's the one thing the gods never do? Gods never actually show up. Guess what? You got raided. Guess what else? I lost someone who matters to me. So did I. Why are we still alive? ODIN: Because of this. Explain. CLARA: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you afraid. I have no reason to fear you. Except you've already analysed that. And you know it's a technology from a civilisation vastly more powerful than your own. And you will have also noticed that, erm... I'm wearing a spacesuit. So I'm not from around here. And it's highly unlikely that I will have come alone. You see, you haven't killed us because killing us would start a fight you didn't come here to have. And you're not sure you could win. Ooh! Hello. Time for your medication? Adrenaline testosterone. Extracted from the finest warriors. (GULPING) (EXHALES) Nectar! Okay, you mash up Vikings to make warrior juice. -Nice. -They what? CLARA: Why play God? What is a god but the cattle's name for farmer? What is heaven but the gilded door of the abattoir? You're not a farmer. You're a thief caught in the act. I don't understand. Mashed up? -What are you saying? -Hush. Go. Now. Go find Vikings on other planets. The universe is full of testosterone. Trust me, it's unbearable. We won't follow you. See? We don't need to fight. War is our way. Ask yourself, is this a war you really want? ASHILDR: Yes! You'll pay for what you have done here today. I am a Viking. Ashildr. Daughter of Ionhar. You have mocked our gods, killed our warriors. And we'll crush you on the field of battle. -That's better. -You were about to leave. You almost had me talking. Talk is for cowards. -No, no, no. Listen to me. -I accept your challenge. -We will crush you. -Oh, please. Shut up. Shall we say, this time tomorrow? Ten of my warriors versus the best of your village. -You will beg for mercy. -(LAUGHS) I will send you back. You can inform your people of their impending destruction. -CLARA: Why are you doing this? -Why else? The joy of war. Can't you see it on my face? (BEEPS) (GRUNTS) -Clara. -My child. Clara! Clara! I'm not a hugger. -Ah. This is... -Oh! No. Where are the others? I'm sorry, Father. DOCTOR: I looked them up at my 2,000 year diary. -They are called the Mire. -Okay, listen. They are one of the deadliest warrior races in the entire galaxy. -Okay. -But they are practical. They get what they want and then they go. You persuaded them to go, didn't you? I knew that you would. The deadliest warrior race in the galaxy? One of them. Yes, why? Because I think this village just declared war on them. They're coming here tomorrow, 10 of them, to kill everybody in the village. Ashildr, is this true? It's my fault. Not every misfortune that befalls this village is down to you. She thinks she brings us bad luck. What bad luck? You haven't had any bad luck. You're fine. -We're about to be attacked by... -DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, yes. With a whole day to spare. So, leave. Hop it. Take off. Into the woods, split up, hide. Hang about there for a week, come back home. Make puddings and babies. That's basically what you do, isn't it? We cannot leave this village. Yes, you can. Just pick a direction. Fly like a bird, run like a nose. It's probably a Vikings' saying, I haven't checked that. No. We will fight. (VIKINGS AGREEING) Really? Well, I don't know if you remember, but they actually took away all your fighters. So, uh, what are you? Farmers, fishermen, web designers. Maybe not that last one. (WEAPONS CLANKING) We are Vikings! (ALL CHEERING) Okay. (CLAPS) Tell me this. How many people here have actually held a sword in battle? By show of hands. Mmm-hmm. Yeah, baby. The Mire are coming for each and every one of you. -(SWORD CLANKING) -So, what're you gonna do? Raise crops up? If necessary. I think he was being sarcastic. We're not cowards. We do not run. And a death in battle is a death with honour. ALL: Aye. (BABY CRYING) DOCTOR: Do babies die with honour? I am afraid, Mother. Hold me, Mother. I'm afraid. Erm, he speaks baby. DOCTOR: Turn your face towards me, Mother, for you're... (SCOFFS) You're beautiful... (BABY CONTINUES CRYING) And I will sing for you. I'm afraid, but I will sing. Babies think that laughter is singing, did you know that? I applaud your courage, but I deplore your stupidity. And I will mourn your deaths, which will be terrifying, painful and without honour. Stay. You could help us. I know you could. I told you to run. That's all the help you need. That's all the help you're getting. The Earth is safe, humanity is not in danger. It's just one village. Just one village? Suppose I saved it, by some miracle, no Tardis, no sonic... Just one village defeats the Mire. What then? Word gets around, Earth becomes a target of strategic value and the Mire come back. And God knows what else. Ripples into tidal waves, until everybody dies. (BABY CRYING) -What's it saying? -She. She's afraid. Babies sense danger. They have to. Tell me. Mother, I hear thunder. Mother, I hear shouting. You're my world, but I hear other worlds now. Beyond the unfolding of your smile... (BABY CONTINUES CRYING) ...is that other kindness. I'm afraid. Will they be kind? The sky is crying now, fire in the water, fire in the water. You just decided to stay. (CRYING STOPS) The baby stopped crying. So, when I say "Move," you move. When I say, "Jump," you say, "How high?" Unless, of course, there's a gap of some kind which, of course, means you jump horizontally. Yes, what is it, Lofty? Sir, my name's not actually "Lofty." It's Br... No, it's not. It's Lofty. I've got too much to think about without everybody having their own names. So, it's Lofty. You're Lofty, you're Daphne. You're Noggin the Nog. ZZ Top. And you're, uh... Heidi. So, we'll try that again. Lofty? -What is it? -Sorry, sir. It's just... Why aren't we practising with real swords? Yes, perhaps, you'd like to field this one, Limpy. Because we can't be trusted with them. That's right. Yes. You'll be given your real swords back when you can prove that you can wave them around without lopping bits off yourself. Heidi! Why are your eyes closed? Sorry, sir, just not that good with the sight of blood. No, of course you're not. Swords against those creatures... That won't work, will it? He's just warming up. He hasn't got a plan, yet, but he will have. And it'll be spectacular. (DOCTOR WHISTLING) Enough theory. I'm handing out the real swords. (LAUGHS) -(HORN BLOWING) -(PEOPLE BUSTLING) That could have gone better. (EXCLAIMS) Morning. What happened? The big bang? Dinosaurs, bipeds, a mounting sense of futility. More recently, Chuckles hit Lofty over the head, on his helmet with a sword, which knocked him out, there was a little blood, which you saw, and did that. Only the first time, you did it, you knocked a torch into some hay, which spooked a horse who kicked open the gate, and I'm sure that you can fill in the rest. (THUNDERCLAP) Weird sounding thunder. That's not thunder. It's the weapon forges of the Mire, making sure we hear them. -Well? -Well... Heidi faints at the mention of blood, not just the sight any more. He's actually upgraded his phobia. Chuckles... He questions every single order you give him, which is gonna be a little... A little bit difficult, a little bit tricky in the heat of battle. I keep waiting to hear what your real plan is. Teaching them to fight, that's the only plan I've got. Turning them into fighters? That's not like you. Yeah, I used to believe that, too. -(LAUGHS) What happened? -You. Oh, Clara Oswald. What have I made of you? It doesn't matter how well you train them, it's not gonna make a difference. They'll die fighting, with honour. To a Viking, that's all the difference in the world. A good death? Is that the best they can hope for? A good death is the best anyone can hope for, unless you happen to be immortal. -Sorry. -CLARA: No problem. DOCTOR: Good night. CLARA: You've made an impact there. -Stop it. -What, she's nice. -I'll fight you for her. -The human race. You're obsessed. -You all need to get a hobby. -I've got a hobby. Thanks. It's you, by the way. Well, get a new one. Not this. Tomorrow it's gonna be a bloodbath. Don't even ask. These people all died hundreds of years before you were even born. -I'm not running. -I have a duty of care. No, you don't because I've never asked for that. Every time we do something like this, I keep thinking, "What if something happens to you?" Well, stop thinking about me. And start thinking about them, because you're missing something. -What? -How're you gonna win? You always miss it, right up until the last minute. So, put down your sword, stop playing soldier, and look for it. Start winning, Doctor. It's what you're good at. ASHILDR: So, we meet again, fake Odin. Valhalla burns around you. Your army is destroyed. And now, it is time for you to die! (CLEARS THROAT) -How long have you been there? -Is that for a puppet? Oh, I love puppets. I make puppets sometimes when I'm... Frightened. When the raiding parties go out, I make up stories about their battles. Because if you make up the right story, you think it will keep them safe and they'll all come home. That's okay. You're not the first person to ever have done that. -Why are you here? -I'm looking for something I'm missing. What do you think our chances are tomorrow? We'll be cut down like corn. By this time tomorrow, every single one of us will be dead. Yeah. (SIGHS) -You could go. -There's nowhere for me except here. This is my place. The sky, the hills, the sea, the people... Is there nowhere like that for you? Oh, I like a nice view as much as anyone. -But... -Can't wait for the next one. I pity you. I will mourn for you. I know which I'd prefer. You think they are all idiots, don't you? What, you mean, the rest of the universe? Um, basically, yes, I do. But they're kind and brave and strong. -And I love them. -Good. Good, but that won't save you. I've always been different. All my life, I've known that. The girls all thought I was a boy. The boys all said I was just a girl. My head is always full of stories. I know I'm strange. Everyone knows I'm strange. But here, I'm loved. You tell me to run to save my life. I tell you that leaving this place would be death itself. I cannot keep you safe. I do not have the strength. But I will try to till the last beat of my heart. (BABY CRYING) If you seek to mock me in this moment... No. No. No, you go ahead. You cry all you like. Speaking of cry, is that... Is that baby getting closer? (BABY CRYING) Why is Lofty stealing the baby? That's his child. Oh. -Where is he taking her? -ASHILDR: The boathouse. He takes her to the boathouse when she won't settle. She likes the fish. Why would she? Fire in the water. Fire in the water. Fire in the water. Fire... Fire in... Fire in the water. Fire in the water! That's it! That's it. That's it. That's what we are missing. Clara, I found it! Clara! Clara! (BABY CRYING) Lofty! Oh! I had no idea that that was your baby. Hello, baby. I had no idea this was your junior parent. I'm trying to settle her. She likes all the fish. Okay, you're shouting. What's happened? You trapped your finger in something again? Chuckles, bedtime is cancelled. Everybody off the hearth stead. We have a long night's work ahead of us. I'm gonna need a blacksmith. Who's the blacksmith? I'm the blacksmith. What? Are you the blacksmith? And you got a baby, too. He's been at it hammer and tongs. CLARA: Doctor, explain. What's happening? There's gonna be a war tomorrow. And here's some news, this just in. We're gonna win the hell out of it. -How? -Ashildr, this is your village, and you will never have to leave it. I swear. Seriously, how? I told you that we were basically doomed. Did no one in this two-horn town think to mention that you had eels? -Eels? -I give you fire in the water. Electric eels. Yes. Yes. I know exactly how you feel. Well, not exactly. She needs changing. -Plan, then? -And it is a doozy. DOCTOR: We need to pull that silvery stuff out of Clara's spacesuit. We can use it to magnify the electrical charge. Stop looking confused! Look happy! Winning is all about looking happier than the other guy. Always walk briskly, makes you a moving target. Uh... Oh, that's for Lofty! Lofty! And talk with confidence. Even if you are terrified. Act as if you know their plan, and sometimes, if you are very lucky, they'll actually tell you it. Ah. This is for Ashildr. Then, we deploy the anvil. Now, at this stage, get me one of the helmets. It's key. We get a helmet and this is over. Then we can mop up the rest using Ashildr's monstrosity. That is rubbish. I know. (BIRDS CHIRPING) (VIKINGS CHEERING) Hi. Hello, hi. I'm the Doctor. It's lovely to meet you to face to, uh... Convincing hologram. You could always go... (IMITATES BUZZING) ...and get rid of it. No? No, on second thoughts, don't. That, that... That suits you. It is time to fight. DOCTOR: No, no, no. We decided against that. We thought we'll just have a party! (ALL CHEERING) ODIN: Let me put it another way. You fight or you die. We are unarmed. There isn't a single weapon in this room, which I'm sure your systems are telling you that. You wouldn't open fire on unarmed civilians, would you? It wouldn't be the first time. (METAL CLINKING) Chuckles, now! (ELECTRICAL CRACKLING) DOCTOR: Run, run, run, run, run, run, run! (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (SCREAMING) Chuckles, switch! (ELECTRICAL CRACKLING) -Chuckles, off! -Oh! Don't move! Go! CLARA: How's it going? Reversing the polarity of the neutron flow. I bet that means something. It sounds great. Ashildr! -Are you ready? -I'm scared. You were born for this. (INHALES) Show them a story they'll never forget. (LASERS FIRING) (INHALES SHARPLY) (ROARS) (GRUNTING) What is this beast? (LASER GUN FIRING) It's impossible! ROBOT: Withdraw! Withdraw! Stand and fight! (ROARING) Withdraw! DOCTOR: See how they run. Withdraw! Cowards! Withdraw! That enough, Ashildr, story's over. Happy ending. (ROARING) (TRUMPET BLARING) (LAUGHING) (FLOORBOARD CREAKING) -What trickery is this? -DOCTOR: Ha! Says the man with a fake face! Well, you see, that's the trouble with viewing reality through technology. It's all too easy to feed in a new reality. Have you got it? Great. A story to save a town. And a puppet from a nightmare. You see, you've just seen the world through the eyes of a storyteller. The mighty armies of the Mire, brutal, sadistic, undefeated. Even I believed the stories. But after today, no one will again. An army like yours, it lives or dies on its reputation, its story. And today, you were sent packing by a handful of farmers and fishermen. -(LAUGHING) -Not to mention the whole, wetting your pants and running away from a puppet debacle... (LAUGHING) See, that was really funny. That was hilarious. It's just lucky that nobody recorded that. -Wait a minute, we did. -(RECORDER BEEPS) Cowards! You see, all it needed was the Benny Hill theme. -The Benny Hill theme, yes. -(LAUGHS) Now you see, we could just keep this as a funny little film, and play it every year at the Christmas party or, I could upload to the galactic hub and get a second opinion. So the question you need to ask yourself is this. Just how important is your reputation to you? Here's a little sneak preview, piped straight into your helmets, free of charge. (RECORDER BEEPS) -(BENNY HILL THEME PLAYING) -Ah,wait. -Cowards... -(LASERS FIRING) -DOCTOR: If you don't leave right now... -(RECORDER BEEPS) I'll put it out there for all to see and no one will fear you again. This humiliation will not go unpunished. We will meet again. Oh, I hacked your teleporter, sorry. (VIKINGS CHEERING) (LAUGHS) You did it, Ashildr. You did it. You saved us all! Ashildr? Ashildr? Ashildr? Get the helmet off her. Get it off now. (GRUNTING) Ashildr... No pulse. I think... Doctor, is she dead? (ALL GASPING) I'm sorry. (WHIMPERING) I'm really... Terribly sorry. -Heart failure, yeah? -Yeah. I plugged her into the machine. Used her up like a battery. (SIGHING) I'm so sick of losing. You didn't lose. You saved the town. I don't mean the war. I'll lose any war you like. I'm sick of losing people. Look at you with your eyes, you're never giving up to anger. Kindness. One day, remember if that will hurt so much that I won't be able to breathe, and I will do what I always do, I'll get in my box and I'll run and I'll run... In case all the pain ever catches up, and every place I go, it will be there. You did your best. She died. There's nothing you can do. I can do anything. There's nothing I can't do. Nothing. But I'm not supposed to. Ripples, tidal waves, rules. I'm not supposed to. (EXCLAIMS) What? What's wrong? My face... Who found me this face? Why this one? Why did I choose... Thisface? CLARA: Doctor? What's wrong with your face? I think I know why I chose it. It's like I'm trying to tell myself something. I think I know what I'm trying to say. Just someone, not the whole town. Justsavesomeone. Comewithme ... I know where I got this face and I know what it is for. Okay, what's it for? To remind me, to hold me to the mark. I'm the Doctor, and I save people. And if anyone happens to be listening, anyone have a kind of a problem with that, to hell with you! (GRUNTS) What's he doing? Saving her, I think. (WHOOSHING) It's from the Mire helmet, battlefield medical kit. I've reprogrammed it for human beings. It's gone. It's inside her. It's repairing her. It won't ever stop repairing her, if it works. Come on, Ashildr. Come on. The story's not over yet. Daughter... (SNIFFLES) Listen to me. This town has lost so much. If we lose you, too, there'll be nothing left. (GASPING) (WHEEZING) She'll be conscious in a day. Up and about in three. No swimming for a week. Now, we're going to need a long boat and some of your best rowers. We're two days sail from the Tardis. Come on, Clara! No, wait, no. She'll want to see you when she wakes. Oh, no. Well, she'll see me often enough once she understands. Understands what? Second dose. -When she needs to take this? -No, no, no. It's not for her. -Then who is it for? -Ah, whoever she wants. ASHILDR: Doctor... -Thank you. -DOCTOR: Ah... Don't thank me yet, Ashildr. Not yet. CLARA: Okay, it's official. Silence is even worse in a Scottish accent. Are you going to tell me what you are brooding about? DOCTOR: It won't stop. The repair kit I put inside of Ashildr, long ago... -It will just keep fixing her. -Well, good. I'm not sure, but it is entirely possible she has lost the ability to die. -The ability? -Oh! (CHUCKLES) Dying is an ability, believe me. Barring accidents, she may now be functionally immortal. (DOOR UNLOCKING) If the repair kit never stops working, then... Why did you give her two? Immortality isn't living forever, that's not what it feels like. Immortality is everybody else dying. She might meet someone she can't bear to lose. That happens. I believe. -(MACHINE INITIALISING) -I was angry. I was emotional. Just possibly, I've made a terrible mistake. Maybe even a tidal wave. Time will tell, it always does. CLARA: Whatever you did for Ashildr, I think she deserved it. Yes. Yes, she did. But Ashildr isn't just human any more, there's a little piece of alien inside her. So in a way, she's... In a way... She is a hybrid. (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) -(HORSE NEIGHING) -Whoa! KNIGHTMARE: Stand and deliver. (SCREAMING) If I didn't know better, I'd say this was a robbery. The most wanted in the land. Now is not the time to be showing off. GIRL: Could it be we are lookingforthesameprize? The eyes of Hades. Who is this? Your sidekick? I'm not a sidekick. GIRL: Come on sidekick, watchmerun. MR FANSHAWE: There is anintruderon thepremises. -What you doing? -It's kill or be killed. DOCTOR: You'replayingwithfire! Do you have a cat? This is Mrs Rappaport. I'm the consultant on call for major trauma. Resources are stretched. Well, then, some of us need to raise their game. Where is this going, exactly? What's happened to Lorraine? Who's covering? It's in your best interests to stay out of this, so stay out of this. You're the last person I want to call, but you're the only one who can help. I think my boss just got suspended. SIREN BLARES 'Trauma Call - attend Emergency Department... 'Trauma Call - attend Emergency Department.' She went off a couple of minutes ago. Shit! Let's get her inside. Move. Move! Right, mid-40s female, next door neighbour at 4.30. Not now, luvvie. Wait till we're inside. Sorry, Nerys. Is this the...? Yes. Have you got who's Trauma Consultant, today? Uh, that information's not come through yet. Call Clive, please. Colleague call - Dr Archerfield, please attend Trauma Resus, urgently. Starting the clock. Critical airway. Straight into the bay. No hand-over. Where's Dr Chandramohan? On study leave, today. Who's covering? Dr Busby. Fast bleep him, we need an anaesthetist. On three - one, two, three. What's with the whole Elephant Man thing? Right. Oh, my God. Bloody hell. Can you fast bleep Dr Busby for me, please, and Dr Archerfield. 100% oxygen, and bag as best you can. I don't know if you can hear me, but we're going to do something to help you breathe. Thio, sux, 'scope, bougie, narrow tube. Don't be daft. You'll never get a tube in. Cannot intubate. OK. Fiona! Could you fast bleep Dr Barnby, please? Busby. Busby, sorry, and Dr Archerfield. To Trauma Resus. Well? Thanks. Yep. Put the call out. Getting any in? The wood's in the way. What is it? Fence post. She fell out a window. Poor ventilation across both lung fields. "Cannot ventilate." Give me a sat. Yeah, in just a second. OK? OK. Yep. Oxygen saturation 60%. Shit. Fence post. 60%. This is the situation, "Cannot Intubate, Cannot Ventilate." She needs a tracheotomy. Nerys, can you write that down, as stated by me. And the time is...one minute, 20 seconds. Oxygen saturation now 50%. And falling. "Cannot Intubate, Cannot Ventilate." You've covered your arse. Now let's do it. Looks like Clive isn't joining us. Nerys. Nice and calmly, please, get a Quicktrach ready to go. Bloody hell! Uh, Thiopentone and Suxamethonium doses? 200, 100. Got it. Let's get the blocks off. Harry, can you give me a hand? I'll give in-line immobilization. Thiopentone. Flush. Sucks. Thiopentone, 200 milligrams, suxamethonium, 100 milligrams - given. Flush. Quicktrach to me right now, please. Shitting shit! It's coming up to two minutes 30 - no airway. Anyone heard from the anaesthetist? It's just us. OK. Step away. PATIENT CRIES OUT Shit, she's not under. Ketamine, 30 milligrams, now, Billy! Yep, yep, yep. It's all right. It's OK. I'm drawing it. Billy! Come on, quicker! I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm drawing. One second. Come on, Billy! Come on! Come on, Billy. Give it! Stay still, stay still. Now coming up to three minutes. Still no airway. Good girl, come on, that's it. You'll be fine. It's OK, it's OK. Come on, darling, here we go. Ketamine, 30 milligrams, given. OK, she's under. Step away. You have done this before? I have now. I'm getting air. Thanks, Billy. Sorry. Water off a duck's back. I'll hold the trach in place. Attach the strap and loop it around her neck, will you? Bagging. It's OK. Oxygen and saturation climbing, now 70%. Yeah, under the wood. That's it. Strap's on. OK. Sats now 80%. 90%. Good. Airway secure. Scoop out. Thanks, Justin. Brace. Brace. OK, let's get the blocks back in, Justin, please. Yep, I'll do blocks. Yeah, I'll help with the blocks. Well done. I'm not covering my arse, I'm helping my colleagues make the right decision at the right time. Stress of the moment. Mm-hmm. Blocks in? They're in. Can someone cut her out of her clothes, in the meantime, please? Yep. Excuse me, love. Airways secure. Ventilating both lungs. Strong pulses. Good blood pressure. If only it was always this easy. Oh, here he is. Ah. Good of you to join us, Dr Busby. Shit. The call said ten minutes. She went off in the back of the truck. It didn't get updated till the last minute. I never got the update. Let's not discuss it now. OK. The trach will tide us over until we get ENT involved. Sats normalising. Nice job on the quicktrach. Thank you. Can we have the handover now, please? The patient is female, believed to be mid-40s, but we don't have an I'D yet. 999 call was made by the next-door neighbour, but he couldn't ID the patient. Said he didn't know her name - she kept herself to herself. This was at 4.30. Neighbour heard a crash and saw her lying in her back garden. A first-floor window was open and he thinks she was cleaning the windows. She landed on a fence-post, hence the penetrating mandibular injury. No other major injuries apparent on examination. She was semi-conscious at the scene, GCS - 11. En route, she started to have difficulty with the airway. She wouldn't take a Guedel and there was difficulty bagging. Primark. Important medical information, that is! Don't be silly. Concentrate. Sorry. Thank you. Any questions? Any analgesia given? No, due to the GCS. She's been given 30 milligrams of ketamine here. She has stuff in her pockets. All right, let's do a BA3, then. She's also had 200 of thio and 100 of sux. Thanks, Billy. Mobile phone. Mobile phone. Anything with a name? No, no credit cards. Tesco Club Card? Oh! Dry cleaning ticket. Fruit... Fruit pastilles. Fruit pastilles. Can you sign off on the paperwork with Nerys for me, please? Sorry, she needs to complete a PS20. Huh? Major Trauma Patient Experience Survey. She's unconscious. Can someone do bloods? Harry? Yeah. Sure, no problem. So you're Harry? Yep, that's me. Dominic. Dom. Hey. Hi, Dom, nice to meet you. So, you trauma team leader now? Now? Instead of Lorraine. No. Shall I do these? Billy can do those for you. HE SIGHS All right. There's fullness in the abdomen, could be fluid. Let's get O-neg on standby and GS and TEG, as well as the usual bloods. Yeah. Can you run off a VBG? Yep. And can someone call CT straight away, please? I'll call them. I'd love images of her pelvis and legs. X-rays now? If the scanner's free, I'd prefer a CT. Time is coming up to eight minutes. Eight minutes, Mark. That's you done. Thank you, guys. Thanks, Nerys. 'Leave a message for Dr Ramakrishna Chandramohan, Anaesthetics Registrar. 'You know you want to.' Hey. It's me, Harry. Um, what's this about study leave? This is Mrs Hicklin. We've got Major Trauma Foxtrot Bravo for a top-to-toe. No major limb trauma. Thank you. Yeah, they can take her right away. Great. I'll see you there. Yeah. Yes. Well, well, let's just keep at it, shall we? Clive, Sorry. Hi, Fiona. They put out a call for you. Yep, I'm sorry, I'm snowed under. How's it going? Patient's stable. I saw earlier, Lorraine's name's not on the rota for today. No. I tried calling her in the week but she hasn't got back to me. Yes, well she's still feeling under the weather, poor thing. If you speak to her, give her my best, will you? Yeah ... OK...so...we haven't got a trauma consultant. No, there is somebody coming in. Isn't he here yet? No. A major trauma case needs a trauma team leader. Yep, well I'm here if you need me. I'm sure you can cope. OK. 'Trauma call - attend emergency department.' Fiona! You better come quick. Let's keep filling her up and try to get her BP back. Surgical airway is established, there's apparent haemostasis in the mandible, so I propose we leave for a max-fax opinion once she's stable. Stop messing about with the blood gas and get back over here. As I've said, once we have a CT we can send to max-fax and ENT, but right now our priority is addressing the low BP by pushing the blood transfusion. Agreed. Uh, did we get gases? I'm the Trauma Consultant. Most likely, this in an internal haemorrhage, so we need to find the bleeding and stop it before it kills her. Let's run a unit of O-neg into each of the Venflons, please. We're doing that. Then have another one ready to go up straight after. Plus two units of FFP, continuing at a ratio of 3:2. And let's give her a gram of TXA. We're already 20 minutes into our golden hour, so... Right now, please. Who's he? Nerys, get another two units of O-neg from the fridge. Yep. get them running ASAP. Who are you, please? Glen Boyle, Locum Trauma Consultant. Pleased to meet you. You are? Nicola Hicklin. Nurse Consultant. I'm the Deputy Clinical Lead in this department. You should've introduced yourself earlier. BP's still down. So, let's get the transfusions going. Pressure bags, please. Yep. Anyone called a Code Red? No. Well, let's make the call, or call Blood Bank and request 12 units of crossmatch or O-neg, whichever is most quickly available, eight of FFP and four of platelets, please. OK. You need to sign in. There? Do we have the bloods yet? Sent off about five minutes ago. This is Mrs Hicklin. I need the following to Trauma Resus, re: patient... EtOH. Christ, EtOH, I'd forget me head, me. Tranexamic acid. One gram IV bolus. Infusion to follow. Need more access. I'll do a trauma line. Yep. And let me know when that's done, please. Hello, this is William Finlay, ODP, I'd like to request an EtOH. I can't... If you're not on the system yet, just choose "temporary staff" from the drop-down list. Temporary? Yep. Excuse me? You were going to show us her VBGs? Oh. Thank you. Who's he? Glen Boyle. Trauma line's in. Thank you. Let's run two more units of O-neg through the trauma line, and two of FFP through the Venflons, once the first two units of O-neg are through. More or less through now. Crack on. You are? Justin. Blood pressure's moved up - now 100 over 80. Sats remain good. Airway stable pending ENT? Just about. Then... let's get her a CT. OK, but I'd rather... Then... let's get her a CT. I'll call them. Thank you. Who's he? Glen Boyle. Ms Lomas, Trauma Fellow. We've got a Major for you. Thanks. CT can take her now. Blood running in fast now. Cheers. BP's coming up a little more. Now 105. Then let's get her a CT. Harry, take the drip stand, will you? Yep, on it. Finish that for you. When did you start? Today. So, you're not Lorraine Rappaport's replacement? Who? No. Temporary. How long are you here for? Not sure. Just filling in. You do know that we're a Centre of Excellence? Absolutely. We're the referral centre for major trauma for the whole region. I got it. Get a move on, please. So, how's it going? Great. These trauma calls! Yeah, I know. You'll have to back up. You'll have to back up. We're here, Brian, if you could open the doors for us, please. You looked as if you'd seen a ghost. Could've warned me. I should have. I should've called. No, really? Sorry. I thought you would have grown out of trying to catch me off guard. It's good to see you. You too. Sorry. Scan's about to start. Thank you. We've been trying to enact a major transfusion protocol, but some of the haematology consultants insist on it going through them. Well, then someone needs to speak up. Someone already did. Lorraine Rappaport. Hence the vacancy you've just filled. The orthopod? Where is she? Rebecca? Must've gone back to the ward. Back in a mo. I'm busting. Usual story, once we reach CT, they start catching up with their normal jobs. Small subdural. We're going to need a neuro opinion. You really are new, aren't you? Are you chewing? No. I'm going to connect up the contrast and start the body scan. Nobody press any buttons. Don't worry about Brian. His bark's worse than his bite. What a relief. I don't know if you know, but I teach an intubation tutorial... Really... ? Starting contrast run. Stop the scan! Stopping... What's going on in there? He's heard that if he gives you extra teaching, you're bound to put out. Dr Busby? Keep your hair on, Brian. I cannot work like this. This is anarchy. Sorry. What happened to blondie? Scanning... The police called. They went to the house and obtained an ID on the patient, but on the system she'll still be Foxtrot Bravo. OK. Small contrast extravasations. No tamponade or thoracic aortic rupture. Fruit pastille? No. OK. So now we know. If there is a haemorrhage, it's in the abdomen. I'll go and see if there's any progress on tracking down next-of-kin. Thanks. What's that around the liver? It's a bit of this, it's a bit of that, nothing major. Shit, she's haemorrhaging... Left renal tear plus various intraperitoneal extravasations Fast-bleep the Trauma Theatre. I want them ready to cut in ten minutes. I'll fast-bleep the general surgeons. Chase the blood bank. Excuse me? This patient needs to go to theatre to stop the internal bleeding. I'd be more comfortable if it went through Clive. Clive? Clive Archerfield. He's in the ED. Right. Fiona Lomas, Trauma Fellow. Would you kindly fast-bleep the trauma theatre staff and the general surgeon on call, straight away please? And put me through to blood bank again. TANNOY: Would the on-call general surgeons please report to Trauma Theatre. ..as well as the Nof, X-ray the chest and get the bloods done, so there are no delays taking her up to the ward. She's been here two hours already... Sorry, I'm in a hurry. Glen Boyle. Trauma Locum. Ah, Clive Archerfield. My patient needs an urgent laparotomy and, apparently, I need to ask for your approval. That hasn't come from me. Good. Thanks. But also I'd like to discuss the major transfusion protocol. Yep, sure. I'll fix a time. No, it's not working today so it needs fixing today. Look, you run the trauma call, I run the entire department, so, leave it with me. Thanks. ..we're receiving a pleomorphic xanthoastrocytoma from the Children's... It's an acute neurosurgical referral. Someone just needs to tell me if the patient's in transit or not. You're the neurosurgical reg? Guilty. Any chance you could take a look at a CT for me? No! I'm the consultant on call for major trauma. You could be George Clooney. You'd still have to e-mail it. Er, he's new. Hi. Hi. We're the tertiary referral centre for neuro. The other hospitals complain of favouritism if we provide a faster service for intramural referrals. The thing is, hombre, we're not that into head injuries. You're taking the piss. I couldn't help but overhear... Let me get you on the system and let's find this patient of yours. Oh, thanks... OK, let's get moving. We're taking her to theatre. I am not happy with this at all. With what? Him. He's the Trauma Consultant. Locum consultant. We don't know the first thing about him. This patient needs opening up right away or she's going to bleed to death. Let's get the blood delivered to theatre. Yep. OK, 1, 2, 3... Come on, let's get moving. Hello switch this is theatre. We have fast-bleeped the general surgeons. Can you chase them, please? TANNOY: On-call general surgeons please report to Trauma Theatre. That's on-call General Surgeons to Trauma Theatre, please. Re next of kin, there's a grown-up daughter, name of Rachel, coming up from London. Thanks. How far away is General Surgery, please? It's a big hospital. Can you fast-bleep the general surgeons again please? Thank you. BP's still dropping. No. Can't wait. Scrub in, please. We need to stop the haemorrhage. Would you like me to prep? Please do. Is it always like this? Lorraine told Clive over and over that other specialities should automatically come to the trauma calls. You think I can change things when this Lorraine couldn't? You... You're a bull in a china shop. Um, the Neurosurgical Registrar just reviewed the CT scans for us. You're kidding. I have my moments. Let's hear it. "Insignificant subdural haematoma. "No gross brain injury visible on the CT. "No other morphological changes visible. "No neurosurgical intervention is indicated at this time." Good. Thanks. Well done. Do my ties, please. Gen-Surg are operating on another... You shouldn't be here. Return to seeing patients in the ED. Yes, sorry, Mrs Hicklin. It's OK. May I ask, what on earth are you doing? If we do not stop the internal haemorrhage, organ damage will be irreversible and fatal. There's a reason why this is called the Golden Hour. So I'm going to get started and the general surgeons can muck in when they get here. I'm not happy. And why are you not happy? What exactly do you mean when you've described yourself as a "trauma surgeon"? What I mean is I've practised all over the world, in the Forces and civilian hospitals. I specialise in critical injuries. Unfortunately too many trauma services in this country are formed from a jumble of general surgeons and orthopods. We provide a major trauma service of dedicated professionals in which the general surgeons perform the laparotomies. I'm comfortable in the abdomen. We've only got your word for that. Then you should write in the patient's notes that you are blocking a life-saving procedure. You're very quiet. I hope the procedure goes well. Call me if there is anything you need. Thank you. Bull 1, China Shop 0. Let's who... I'm Glen Boyle. I'm the Trauma Consultant. Sister Dalisay Guinto, Scrub Nurse. Dominic Busby, Gas Reg. Billy Finlay, Anaesthetic ODP. Armin Khular, ODP. Alex Badger, Staff Nurse. Clara Lloyd, Staff Nurse. Polly Mason, Documentation Nurse. Fiona Lomas, Trauma Fellow. Charlotte Brase, Circulating. Can we confirm who the patient is, please? Major Trauma Foxtrot Bravo. Date of Birth 1.1.1900. Thank you. OK, I've signed a consent form four. I'm performing a laparotomy to arrest a life-threatening haemorrhage. Everyone good with that? ALL: Yes. Are we ready? Ready, Mr Boyle. Blade. OK to cut? OK. Cutting... RAPID BLEEPING Shit. Suction. Vacuum. Pressure's dropping like a stone. Packs. I can't see a thing. I'm trying. Then try harder! Here. Five packs in the abdomen. Five in. Ring. You know what I'm going to say... So don't say it. I've got to say it. BP's dropping, sats are dropping. OK. OK. I need an aortic clamp. I, don't er... I need an aortic clamp. Right, er, yes... I need an aortic clamp. We don't have... I need an aortic clamp. Upstairs theatres! Go! Ow! Careful! BP's 65 over 38. More packs, please! Now! Hands. Get your hands in there, press down on the bleed. OK. BP... We can see. Five more in the abdomen. Ten in. PHONE RINGS Turn that off! Shit, sorry. It's OK. BUZZER STARTS Pressure's falling. Packs not working. We unpack quadrant by quadrant, and we deal with the bleeds as we get to them. Starting with the left upper quadrant. OK? Spleen's haemorrhaging. There's an expanding retroperitoneal haematoma. Shit! Repack. Pressure dropping again. The spleen is controllable. It's the renal bleed that's killing her. I really need that clamp. She's going down. Yeah, pressure. We're losing her! "I'm sorry. I miss him so much. OK, she needs more blood - let's fill her up. Code was called 30 minutes ago. This is Trauma Theatre, for patient Foxtrot Bravo. We are still waiting on... 12 units, eight of FFP, four of platelets. 12 units of crossmatch, eight units of fresh frozen plasma and four units of platelets. Thank you. I've got the aortic clamp. To me! Quickly! To me! Quickly! OK. So we can clamp off the aorta and stop all bleeding in the lower body. That means unpacking her to get the clamp on. Yes, it does. PHONE RINGS For Christ's sake! Whose phone is that? Must be the patient's. There's a text trail here. Later. You ought to know what it says. The last text she sent was to someone called Rachel. That's her daughter. Can we do this later? No, we do it now, quickly. "I'm sorry. I miss him so much. "I love you with all my heart, but he was my baby. "I thought one day I'd get over it, but I never will. "I'm sorry. I love you. "Mum." She jumped. When I say "go" we rip out the packs and we open up the retroperitoneal space. You got it? Yes. Pressure. Pressure dropping. Suction! I need more suction if I'm going to see what I'm doing here. Still falling. OK. I'm going to do a medial rotation to access the aorta. Shit! Where is it? Let's get the blood out of there, please. Clear the blood. I can't locate the aorta! No, I can't do this blind. I need you to clear the field with suction. OK, clamp. Have you got it? Yes, I've got it. OK, clamp. Clamp on. Is it on? Yes. Numbers? Quickly. Still falling, 50 over 20. Hold on, wait a minute. BP climbing. Good work. BP 70 over 45. OK, let's mop up, suction and swabs, please. OK, We've got haemostasis. BP now 100 over 70. Good. I'm going to ligate the left renal artery. Dardic. Thank you. Renal artery clamped above the rupture. Hold that clamp. Got it. 2-0 tie, please. Thank you. Sorry, we had someone on the table. Are you the general surgeon? Robert Street. Glen Boyle. The abdominal aorta is cross-clamped. The left renal artery has been ligated. The patient is currently awaiting a splenectomy and a nephrectomy. Hemodynamically stable. The patient is settled. Okey-dokey. Thanks, I'll take it from here. Are we done? You're done. Good work. Thank you very much, everybody. Thanks, guys. That's haematology. Good, we can fill her up. Thanks, mate. Let's get those transfusions running... DOOR BLEEPS Do you want to grab a coffee? Thanks for what you did... ..but best not. No-one knows you called me, do they? No. Clive and Nicola, they're, um... defensive. Well, it's a state-of-the-art unit and no-one thought to stock the theatre with an aortic clamp. Every speciality under the sun and not one of them are available to attend the trauma call. I'd say they've got a lot to be defensive about. Now you might understand why I called you. Now you don't think that was such a great idea. I didn't say that. No? DOOR BLEEPS Let's set aside the you-and-me part. As a registrar receiving critically injured patients on a day-to-day basis, I'm glad you came. The set-up here... ..the NHS politics it's difficult. Give me Helmand any time. So why did you come, then? I thought you needed me. This unit needs you. Right. I should think this through. You own me. You mean, I "owe" you. That's what I said. Good work. Well done. Thank you. Thanks. Yeah, she's in Trauma Theatre. That's Max-Fax and ENT. Here to take care of the fence post. I'd better get in there and make sure they don't step on each other's toes. Very good work. Cheers. Have you got a moment to speak to the patient's daughter? You're Rachel? Yes. Mr Boyle and Ms Lomas are the trauma surgeons. Hello, Rachel. So we've done our part successfully. Your mum was in a bad way but now she's stable. All being well, she should make a full recovery. We'll show you to our Relatives' Room. Thank you. If you wouldn't mind, Natasha... Sorry, Fiona, can you complete the trauma record? No problem. Thank you. Good outcome. Yep. There's a motorcyclist on his way into us, severe lower limb injuries, ETA 15. TANNOY: Trauma call, ETA 14 minutes. Trauma call, ETA 14 minutes. Well? Bring it on. Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd That was Kingsley. - Dolly's leaving him. - What? She caught him with Gabriela, their au pair. She's practically a backpacker! He was begging me to come home to talk to her. - To the happy couple! - To the happy couple! The reason I came here tonight is to ask you if you think that you and I could ever be more than friends. I wish someone had told you. I have a boyfriend -- a fiance -- and we're madly in love. Hey... Wait. - I'm married. - I know. - That's your party inside. - I don't think it was ever my party. He's gone. He's left with her. What if it were true? What if every person on Earth had a soulmate? Chances are you'd never meet, but what if I'd found mine? And if it were true, then did we have a universal, metaphysical obligation to be together? Hello? Beer, please! Oh, what... a... day! Dad! Oh, that Tennis Australia lunch went on forever and I had to drink all their wine. - Dad, you're on me! - What? Didn't see you under there, little sneak! Thank you. How was your day? - Good, yeah. Busy. - Mm-hm. I was in that Nature's Wellness thing, the vitamin ad. - And who did that? - Um, Charlotte? Or Cherie? Cherry? She was really lovely. A lovely little someone from somewhere. And then I picked Kasper up and went to the park. And what did you see? - A black rabbit. - Mm-hm! - What? - Yeah. - It was a perfect afternoon. - Mmm. Very good. Shot! Skeet didn't believe in soulmates. The idea of two people so perfectly compatible would only cancel each other out. You need friction, electricity -- a spark. Skeet believed in urgent and immediate love -- love in the right now. Only problem was that his 'right now' was missing the one thing that he couldn't have -- me. Kitty never wanted to see anyone again. Herself included. Cake? There's nothing funny about this. Believe me, I'm not laughing. I'll take you back to bed. We'll work out what to do in the morning. No, Kitty! Kitty, no! Kit... We're taking you back to Kia Ora first thing in the morning. I won't stand back and watch you do this to yourself again. Peter was finding it difficult to distract himself. He wanted to feel a connection to someone, anyone, if only for the duration of this 13-minute video. A girl on a website couldn't possibility say no to him. Or could she? Hey! Righto, get out. Did I forget you were coming? We are being spontaneous. New beginnings, all that. Dolly wanted to smell grass. - I understand completely. - Riley! Mate, an hour of asking 'When are we gonna get there? ' -- we are here, OK? So, get out of the car. Roam. Be free-range. Thank you. He's been spending a lot of time alone with the children lately. You're looking great, Doll. Oh, thank you! Break-ups are excellent for your looks. We didn't break up. You don't know that yet. It's complicated. But the heartache is the same. Righto, well, come on up. Back on the spot. Bit further. We'll go again. Ready? Here we go. Watch this, Mum! Watching. - Ready. - Here it comes. It's alright, mate. You'll get the next one. - Concentrate. - Yep. - One more time. - Mum, I'm gonna get this one. Go again! - Great shot! - Yes! Winner! - In here. - Mum! - Here we go. - Yep. Can they be any more obvious? She's liking all his pictures. When you were a baby, I used to have these terrible dreams about you, where a snake would bite you in the face or you'd fall out of a window. Mum... I once watched helplessly while you drowned in a pool. I think then you were swept away by a tidal wave. Remember that Gypsy woman in Rome who whispered, 'Be careful, they will take her,' when she was a baby? There was that too. I'm not talking about real life, Phillip. Wait, where is this going? Because I feel like you're damaging me psychologically three seconds before you abandon me. Which will give me something to talk about in group, I guess. You're our baby girl. Right now you're going through something more terrible than in my wildest dreams... I'm OK this time, Mum. Well, then, concentrating on your health for a week can only be a good thing. Could you just look at my phone? Just look -- just to see that I'm not crazy. Darling, even if Anna is 'liking' Skeet's photos, it doesn't mean anything more than liking his photos. She's a married woman. Hey, I'd forgotten about the greenhouse. That's really lovely. You should go there. We're proud of you. Yep, I bet(! ) Who wouldn't be? Just clear your soul, you know? Go for walks. Climb up to the top of a high hill as often as you can. Fuckity fuck. Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey! No, no, no, we don't play with that. We don't play with that. How about some food, hey? Who's hungry? Have you guys had lunch? I've got a cow in the deep freeze. - Charming. - Is it one of yours? - Yeah, shot it in the back paddock. - Wow. What do you do? Do you just, what -- you creep up on it and then, what -- chk-chk-pwoh? - Killed from behind! - Pretty much. I can see you doing that, you know. What about the other cows? Yeah, it doesn't distress 'em like you'd think. - Like an abattoir would. - God, it'd distress me. Well, I think it's nice. It's kinder to do it where they live. He could shoot you if you like. A good solution to the financial ruin you've gotten us into. I thought you guys were doing well. We received a preposterous tax bill calling for some short-term domestic consolidation. We? You. How preposterous? Jail-time preposterous. Oh, Pete, don't make that face. I know that face. There's nothing worse than that face! - Daddy, I found a dead bird! - Oh! I retract. That bird's face is worse than yours. Feral cats are rife. I've got some traps I need to check, actually. I will come for a walk. Oh, I'm going to sit here and drink wine in the daytime. Ah, well, wine is something I do have. You help yourself. Dammit, I married the wrong man. Alright, let's go kids. Dolly is torturing me. I mean, it's like she's gone on holiday but she's still at home. She keeps leaving the kids with me, which we both know is not a good thing, and she's started reading and watching television in the day -- and I'm doing everything. Well, there is an argument for 'you deserve it', you know. Yes, there is. I know, and I agree, but it's just... I've found one! .. I underestimated the inventive ways the woman had of putting both Gabriela and I in situations of the most acute awkwardness. Daddy, a cat! A cat with a collar. Yeah. I know this cat. I hate this cat. Come here, bub. - What are you doing? - Picking you up. Are we dancing or walking? - Well, shall we dance? - Yes. Do you want to follow the cat and have a dance? Whee, whee, whee, whee, whee! This is gorgeous. The countryside, greenery, the unaware beef. - The wine. - Exactly. Thank you. We don't come down here enough. There's no stress. The children even seem to like each other. Tree change? - Oh, mate, - we couldn't live in the country. - What's wrong with the country? - It's alright for you. You've got your whole 'lonely man' thing going on. - I do not have a 'lonely man' thing. - Yes, you do. All alone out here with your cat traps and your rifle, sneaking up on cows and shooting them. Mate, you need a girlfriend. The quicker, the better. I can't. I'm terrible at it. I don't know where to start. I can't pretend, you know? And 'come home with me' sounds like a ridiculous thing to say to someone. - Come home with me. - Don't open with that. Ah! Kitty missed out with you, you know? She doesn't know it yet, but you'd be the best thing for her. Are you guys driving home tonight? He is. We have to get home to Gabriela. I've been coming in and out of here since I was 11. I binged my way up to 70 kilos and I purged my way down to 40. Every morning I wake up and I don't know where I'm meant to be. It's like I didn't get the invitation to the day that everyone else did. But I get up and I put on my fake face and I can hear myself talking, but inside I'm thinking, 'Who are you? You don't even know what you think. You think nothing. You're stupid, Kitty.' Last weekend, my fiance... What a dick! I'll take that as a comment, Zoe. You don't know what he did yet. But it was bad, wasn't it? It was completely dickish behaviour. He left me at our engagement party in front of everyone I know. I knew it. Dick. Another comment. - He hasn't even called me back. - What did you ever see in him? I saw my whole life with him. Dick. Hey, do you want some pyjamas? They're giving me a free pair if I buy two. Sure. Oh! I shouldn't have told you. It could have been a surprise. What's this? I'm tired. Doll, I drove all the way home. I put the children to bed. I read them the same story seven times. Does that not get a little bit of credit with you? Just... Please? Doll, come on, just... Just a narrow strip of the bed, that's all I'm asking for. Like a sliver. I'm afraid I don't want your sliver anywhere near me. If I just curled up here like this? And just... .. just slept? It's your own time you're wasting. OK. Alright. - I love you. - Goodnight. Go back to bed, Anna. I just came to tell you that I can't be texting you anymore. So, when I don't text back, it's not because my phone isn't working. It is. I'm just not texting you anymore. I just thought we'd go for a walk. - Hey, come on. - [I don't know.] It's just walking. What's that? It's an arrow. - Look. - There's another arrow. Yeah. Did you do this? I dunno. Maybe. Come on. - There's another one. - Mm-hm. I built it for you. Oh, it's... it's wonderful. Yeah. Yeah, it is. And I got you something. This is crazy. This is the only thing that makes sense. I'm sorry. I shouldn't even be out here. I... I don't even know why I am. I'm married... married to a man who thinks I'm in bed beside him, and I'm not. - I'm out... - Stop thinking about it. I've really got to go home. Because the more I stand here, the worse a person I become. Wait. This is worse. This is so much worse. That's not what I meant. It's just driving. Have you spoken to Kitty? No. Aren't you worried about her? Yeah, of course. You should call her. You can't just leave someone like that. What am I going to say? That you know when you left her at your own engagement party it was a really, really bad thing to do and you're a terrible, terrible person. - I didn't leave by myself. - Exactly. So whose fault is that? I just think that if you said sorry, we'd feel better. We? I've worked out that all the guys I've ever been attracted to wear skinny jeans. That's stupid, right? Well, everyone has a type. Just not everyone knows what it is. I like Asian girls, and no matter how much I try to tell myself it's not a thing, next thing I know, I'm going down, down, down to Chinatown. I want to change my attraction. Skinny jeans isn't even a personality trait. They do hypnosis here. Without skinny jeans, I don't know who I'd be attracted to. It could be anyone. Could be bald men. It very well could be. Could be very old men. I'm not ruling anyone out. Except boys who wear skinny jeans. Except boys that wear skinny jeans. You hear that? What? The train track. The metal's shrinking in the cold. How can you hear that? 'Cause it's what I do. I listen. Hear the light? It's buzzing. What else? I can hear... the trucks down at the docks. The hum of an air conditioner. Someone's television. I can hear the television. I can hear it. What else? I can hear my wrist clicking. Wow, I've never noticed it like that before. I like that sound. It sounds like you. Can you hear that? What -- the stars? No, it's, like, um, it's a clinking noise. Clinking? Yeah. An aeroplane. People coming back from their holidays. There's a tea trolley going down the aisle and it's making a clinking noise. And the stewardess is asking people to raise their tray tables 'cause they're coming in to land. Yeah. It's the first flight in from Singapore. See? Now you're getting the hang of it. Yeah. What time is it? It is 11 o'clock. Man, I had the weirdest dreams last night. It was probably the gorgonzola. It gives you strange dreams. Mmm. I thought I woke up and you weren't in bed and that you'd gone. Oh, you know me, I just crept out for a drive with my lover and then fucked him in our front yard before I came back to bed. Lucky you. All I got was a hand job off a fisherman. Blue cheese, eh? Stuffs with your head. - Wine? - I don't want it. It's a 'thanks for not shooting my cat' offering, and it's for you -- unless you shot her, then it's not. You're lucky I had two small children with me, otherwise I would have. It's the third time, Helen. It's always out. Every time I drive into town I tell myself, 'Helen, remember to get a lock for the cat flap,' and every time, it's the one thing I forget. See, this is what drives me insane about you. I spend all my time trying to keep the feral cat numbers down, and you're sitting across the hill with an open cat flap. Hey, whoa. My cat flap isn't THAT open. Just take the cat and go before I say something I regret. I'm just glad I caught you in such a good mood. Look, I like cats. It's not cats I have a problem with. It's the people who can't keep 'em in. I find dead wildlife strewn all over the place. You know I'm going through a horrible divorce. I don't need another person telling me what I did wrong. Yeah, yeah. Just keep your bloody cat inside. Yeah. Hey, Pete. You got any jumper leads? Bottle of wine in it for you. Do you want to get married? To you? Nuh. That's not what I'm asking. But why? What's wrong with me? I have no interest in being another straight girl's rebound. I'm not asking you to be. So stop flirting with me. Do you want to get married or not? Who'd marry me? I've never even met the parents of any of the girls I've dated. Why not? I'm not exactly daughter-in-law material. If you were me, staring down the barrel of a broken marriage, what would you do? - Would you move cities? - Nuh. Who cares? Um... me. The dick is not your problem. Your problem is that you knew he wasn't into it like you were and you ignored it. That's your problem. Um, he asked me to marry him. Why would I not believe him? There were signs all along the way, weren't there? Little clues and alarm bells? But you went on ignoring them and pretending they didn't mean anything, pushing him into thinking you were happy. Why are you being such a bitch? Because you're just like all the other first-world people with their first-world problems. 'I'm fat. My husband's gay. I'm ageing. My dishwasher broke.' You're milking it. - I am not! - You are. Falling about dramatically, making sure everyone can see you in his T-shirt, crying and moaning and feigning shock that it ended when it was never real in the first place, and you know it. Now you really are flirting with me. - I'm not that straight, you know? - Yeah. You're a massive lesbian. Leave me alone, actually. Oh! Not your precious T-shirt. Never even heard of them anyway! I knew it! I was going to ask you why you're still single, but the great part about today is that now I don't need to. What's that supposed to mean? You're truly cranky. You're like a 60-year-old decrepit in the body of someone who happens to be quite handsome. Yeah, look, I'm sorry, I'm not in a very social mood at the moment. Loud and clear. Hey, how did you even drive here? The car's not worthy of its parts. Yeah, to be honest, it was conking out on the way here. I had to roll it along out of gear for a bit. Whoa! - No? - No. Oh, God. I'm sorry, I... I think I misread this whole thing. I... I thought that's why you asked me over here. - What? - Your text. I wasn't even sure that you really had my cat until you brought her out of the laundry. I thought you were sending me some kind of very weird booty-call message. What part of 'I have your cat and I'm gonna shoot it' says booty call to you? Well, that's how this whole thing started, wasn't it? - I thought you were being cute. - Cute? Yes! You're very hard to read sometimes. You can be very odd. Look, I thought we said we weren't going to do that anymore. This. Yeah, we did. But I haven't met anyone since we said that, and you're obviously not doing any better. I'm under a lot of stress with my ex, and frankly, I could use the distraction. No, I don't want to go down that path anymore. - I don't want you to think that... - Oh, Jesus Christ, Peter. I'm nearly 40. I think I know which path we're on and which one we're not. Well, it's not about you. It's... it's... it's... You're so serious! I'm not asking you to fall in love with me. ♪ I saw a beggar ♪ Leanin' on his wooden crutch ♪ He cried out to me ♪ You must not ask for so much ♪ Saw a woman ♪ Standing ♪ In her darkened door ♪ She said, 'Hey, baby ♪ Why not ask ♪ For a little bit more? ' ♪ Like ♪ A bird ♪ On the wire ♪ Like a drunk ♪ In an old midnight choir ♪ I've tried ♪ In my way ♪ To be free. ♪ Can you hear that? Hear what? Listen. The fridge -- it's buzzing. Probably time to get a new one. Let's have fun tonight, hmm? - I can't... - Yeah, don't worry. Just... just leave it. - Oh. - Should I get a condom? - Yeah. - Now? - Yep. - OK. - Ow! - Oh, is it... - No, it's alright. - Yep. Ah! - Am I squashing you? No, it's fine. Oh, Jesus. - Just ignore it. - I am. OK. Oh, Fatso! Just keep going. It's alright. Fatso! Sorry, keep going. Fatso! OK. What is it? What's wrong? You alright? No, get out, get out, get out. Get out. - Did I do something? - No. - Is it the cat? - No, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, I slept with my ex. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm a crazy person right now. Do you think I could still be in love with him? I have no idea. I think I'll make some tea. You want some tea? Um, yeah. OK. This really is quite awkward now, isn't it? Yeah. Going once. No, going twice. Anyone beat that? Sold for $3,000! Congratulations to you, sir. Could have bought it at the market for $40, but here you paid 3,000. - Kitty's gone back to rehab. - Oh, no. She was an inconsolable mess after the engagement party and Mum caught her binging again. They took her straight in. Oh, lucky she didn't get any further with that wanker gutless little prick. I tell you what, I dream of rehab, though. That, hospital, or prison -- sign me up. To be locked away where people insist you have to lie down on your bed and not move until it's time for your one hour of sunlight and exercise? I'm in. God, why are we still talking when we need champagne? - I would have... - [Excuse me.] Hello. Thank you. Oh, no! My bra strap's broken! How symbolic is that? You know, it's, like, the last thing that was holding me up was this stupid strap, and now look at it. It's like the whole world is laughing at me. What a month I've had. - Tell me if my boob falls out. - Yeah. - Guess what I've got. - What? - Cocaine... - Dolly, are you serious? You are hilarious. I found it in Kingsley's stuff when I was throwing it all around the room, and at him. Come on, catch up. I've already had two. - [Go on.] - [I can't.] - Yes, you can. - Don't put it... Everyone's looking now. You're making a scene. Just go. I'll catch up with you in a sec. - [Hello.] - What are you doing here? I just came to check on my girl, see how she's doing, and then I'll be off. - Your girl? - Yeah. You want to help me find her? What does she look like? She's beautiful. Well, there's lots of beautiful people in the world. There -- is that her? No. My girl's way more beautiful than her. She's classy, you know? She's brilliant. She's funny and, um, she wears a cable tie. Stop. No, stop. People can see you. Anna, I just want to be near you. Well, not here. Alright, our final auction. There's no need for an introduction, ladies and gentlemen. We all know he's here. You've seen him, I've seen him, we all want to be him... - Where's Anna? - Bathroom. .. ladies and gentlemen, our very own national champion, Alexander Ivin! You go like that, like this, and like that, and like this. What are you doing here? I can't believe that you're here. Here! What have we done? You know Dolly's here? And if she saw that you were here, she would kill you. Kitty's gone back to rehab. I mean, this is terrible. It's terrible. We are awful, awful people. And amazing! You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I think I'm gonna die. I... I still don't think it's working. I think it's working. - Really? - Why are you talking so fast? I think it's working. Really? I don't know who I am anymore. Well, I'm not going to be the one to stop kissing you. I've never been much good at not kissing you. We're going to be together, Anna. It's inevitable. Inevitable? This is our big prize. This is not one to miss. One hour of tennis with this man, for $2,000. Do I have $2,000? Thank you, ma'am! $2,000. Can anyone beat it? 3,000? Do I hear 3,000? Lady down the back's got it for $3,000. But we can go higher. Let's take it higher. We can go higher. We're auctioning this man for $5,000! Right now! Going once! Going twice! $5,000! It's been a fantastic night. That's really good. Thank you for bidding. It's not over yet while there's still alcohol... I want to live simply. As in alone? I want to live in the country. You couldn't live in the country, Doll. If we sold our house, we'd clear the debt. Mum and Dad would let us live in the old house. They'd love it. It's just sitting there, being dusty and charming. It'd just be us again -- you, me, and the kids. No distractions. You are the best. Come here. Thank you. It's only a one-hour commute. I've got a terrible backhand... - Oh, no. Anna? - Jesus! Sorry. Hang on. Anna! Anna! What's going on? Sorry, hang on, hang on. Stop, stop, stop, stop! Uh... it just happened. I... I don't know. I... It's already done and I didn't tell you, and I'm sorry, Xander... What's done? What's happened? Are you alright? - Mmm. - Look, is this really necessary? Can't I just drive her to wherever she needs to be? You need to contact your lawyer, Mr Ivin. Come on. Anna. Are you going to tell me at least what she's done? Would you just piss off? ! Kitty had every right to be angry, but in this tiny moment, she wasn't. She'd spent a large part of her adult life wallowing and she wanted to stop. Peter's dalliance with Helen hadn't cured him of his heartache. But being unutterably humiliated so soon after Kitty's rejection of him, Peter was able to see something. He finally saw the funny side. Gabriela's coming with us to the country. I once read that if you fall off a cliff, you can die before you hit the ground. The shock of seeing the earth hurtling towards you can stop your heart. I was falling, but I didn't find it frightening at all. I was free. The ground was racing towards me, and it only made me feel more alive. But then I wondered, maybe I was dead already. Maybe I was smashed-up bones and blood and I just didn't feel the ground when I hit it. I'm so sorry, Xander. Did you sleep with him? Yes, and I'm sorry... You made me look like an idiot. All those people were there, and you made yourself look cheap. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... Stop saying that! Anna, we made promises in front of people. We made important, meaningful promises. All you seem to be worried about is what other people think... Maybe you should too, 'cause it's gonna be all through the media. - It'll be front-page news... - I love him! - What? - I do. I... What does it say? End it. I... I will. You end it, or you will regret it, I promise you that. It's over. Xander just couldn't see that it was over already. My husband felt like a distant memory to me. In time, I think we'll forget it ever happened. - You look different. - You look the same. I hope I don't look the same as last time you saw me. I was stupid then. If you weren't such a dickless killjoy, maybe you'd still have a wife. Fight! Uh, I'mma tell you that you not my competition I'mma always win, throw me in and I'm going in I ain't running, I'mma come until you leave I'm 'bout to get it,talk about it 'cause I really live it On them nights on a mission, no fear, no hope in my vision Don't need no intervention, you ain't down to rider And even if you was I come out, point 'em out, they all gon' be missing Wonder why I'm still here act a fool if you met me You try to be brave and step up with you crew it's too scary Plus I'm too legendary, It's what we go hard for I'm rocking your block, you on top you get knocked off I'm taking your place yeah, I'll make it my property May be a game to you, probably, that's a way of life for me And so it's only right for me, annihilate 'em if they in my way or sight Keep 'em up off of me, a weakness in you only make an appetite Anytime I get into it I be looking at them, looking pitiful And their condition it be critical, nothing less than original Cross me once that's the end of you WHO'S NEXT? Next next next ....... FINISH HIM! Mortal Kombat X Coming Soon In 2015! Get over here ME,ME,ME Please [♪♪♪] [Shovel digging] [♪♪♪] [Woman]: On the morning of September 16, 1922, in New Brunswick, New Jersey, a young couple went for a walk down de Russey Lane, the local Lover's Lane, and found a man and a woman lying in an embrace on the ground, both dead. Both shot in the head. Love letters the woman had written to the man were ripped to pieces and scattered between them... The man was Edward Hall, a minister in a local church, but the woman next to him was not his wife, Frances. It was Eleanor Mills, a beautiful woman in the choir. The two had been having an affair for years. A distraught Frances pushed the police to find her husband's murderer. Ultimately, Frances' brother, Willie, who was known to have a grudge against the minister, was charged with the murders, and the trial became the most covered trial in American history at that time. The jury, however, came back with a verdict of not guilty. The police and the prosecutors made a big mistake. I believe I know who did kill Edward and Eleanor. It was Frances Hall, and I'm going to tell you why. [Applause] -Great job. -Thank you. Well done, indeed. The way you cut out all the extraneous details, made her guilt inescapable. Yes, very effective. I'd read about the case, and always thought the wife was innocent, but the way you presented it, that's how it should have been done, and they'd have caught and convicted her. Better watch out there, John. Our Miss Teagarden could give you a run for your money come the next election. Is that so? Oh, don't listen to him. You're the perfect president for the club. Yes, but it is an interesting question. Which of you two might have the better sleuthing skills? Well, nobody picks up on those details quite like Roe, but I don't know. John's written all those articles for Lizzie Borden Quarterly. And how many times have you been on CNN? Of course, you have to be loyal to John. He's your uncle. But Roe is my best friend, so she gets my vote and my loyalty. Well, John has my vote. Well, thank you, Roe. But for tonight anyway, you're clearly the master sleuth. I'd give the edge to you. What a rabble-rouser you are, Jane. I hope to see you in church on sunday. Oh, well, life is full of surprises. Well, I'm going home to ponder my vote. Would you like help to your car? Oh, I don't drive anymore. I have a taxi waiting, but you could help me to the door. Okay. Tell me, dear, have you read Oliver Tennant's work on women who got away with murder? No, but I've heard of his book, it's just been out of print for so long. Oh, I have a copy. He says exactly what you did in your talk, that women were less often suspected and more likely to be acquitted thanks to the all-male juries back in those days. Men just cannot bring themselves to believe that a woman has the constitution to kill. It mentions Frances Hall. You're welcome to it. Oh, I would love to read it. I can come by this weekend. Come tomorrow. 3:00? After I've had my nap. I can do that. Oh, good. Thank you. I don't remember Jane walking with a cane before, do you? No. And she looked a lot thinner. I hope she's all right. Yeah. Did she say it again? "You remind me of me when I was your age." No. For once. [Chuckling] Bye! Bye! Hello, Roe. Arthur! Let the personal opinions for another time. Jaeger. You still vowing loyalty and offer his power of Titan? Yes! If I can. But the report says the following: Soon after turn into Titan Mikasa Ackerman attacked. You want me to lie? Mikasa Ackerman? I am. It is true that Eren Jaeger attacked? it's true. a Titan will always be a Titan. I tried to kill the Mikasa ? ! I did this? lost his parents. we got a surprising information. stabbed and killed three kidnappers. but makes us doubt about his humanity. Is it true? No doubt it is a Titan who infiltrated as a child. She also. It is doubtful whether it is human or not. Yes. We should be careful. please! Maybe I'm a monster! But it has nothing to do! How can we trust? It's the truth! If you are responding is because it is their ally. No! It's not that. But they are leading the conversation the way that suit you. What did you say? but... why are so afraid? if I mean... it's better to say all that I think. Why not fight with the person who has more power? let me use my strength. C-Cowards! What ? ! Shut up and listen to me! Aim! Yes. Mikasa! but I think the pain is the best way to educate. but a punishment. it is better to kick you. Levi. What? It's dangerous. And if he turn into Titan and attack us? is not it? I have a proposal. What? I know the power of Titan Eren is risky. under the supervision of Levi. Along with Eren? and this power is beneficial to mankind... I would like to draw conclusions at the end of the investigation. Levi? then there is no problem for me. It's decided. 635.176)} "a few days later The old main base of the Exploration Military looks good. it is unnecessary. I never imagined that this would be the best place to stay with you. soldier. What? you're always next to Captain Lev... It was obvious that you would bite the tongue keep talking while riding a horse. What matters is the first impression. One soldier was afraid. is not it? stop it. Although it is not like that. Petra? But you are far from my wife. I should have died biting his tongue. this is the elite of the Exploration Troop. In other words: The Levi group. They are the elite chosen by Captain Levi. they will kill me. It's full of weeds. It's ugly. For a long time they do not use this place should be full of dust. This is a big problem. Let's take care of it immediately. I finished cleaning upstairs. Where do I sleep? Your room is in the basement. The basement again? But of course. You have no conscience when seen Titan. Call it a clumsy titan. So let's catch it right there. This is one of the conditions that have given us. It is a rule that we must follow. I'll see the room. you take care of this place. Yes. we will have an expedition to build the new base... If we increase the number of new soldiers... That if new soldiers who want to enter. it will be soon. we need to show that their existence is fundamental for humanity. the military police will get and... Erwin? you have a good nose. But not as much as you. I'll say. Eren? we will notify you with a smoke shoot. take care. Right. even if he can not control it. Always we investigate the captured Titans. Eren help us. What a thrill. It is the sign. I did not become on Titan. I will be killed by the Levi group. He did not see the sign? No. There was no certainty about it. we will suspend. Did something happen? I can not turn into Titan. The bite was also not cured? No... the recovery plan of the Wall Maria will fail. It's an order: do something! Yes... Eren. But... that means you are more human than we thought. Better than losing your life rushing. That was not useless. Are you okay? Yes. Hey! What was this? Why now? Calma. this is...? I told you to calm down. Eren ? ! What? Why did it without permission? Expected. Prove that is not an enemy of humanity. You have that responsibility. Move a little that his arm and his head will fly. I told to calm down. you're too close! it is you who should turn away. Backtrack. Why? My instinct. Eren? Say something! Do not move! Prove us soon! I told... You want to destroy us? Obey! quick! Do not you listening? We will...! please! Eren! Can I touch that arm? just a little! wait... Hot! burn! Burning too! is exposing to danger! Eren? How is the union of your arm? I want to see! I take my hand fast. do not do anything weird! Eren! I still want to investigate more. Captain... How do you feel? Not good... let me go. It took me to explain to superiors. see it. A spoon? Titan's hand was holding it. And do not see change by heat or pressure. Can you remember anything? I tried to get the scoop on the ground and my arm became. I understand. I think that's why you can not turn into a Titan at that time. get a rock... you had a clear goal. but also have some goal. But why make arm Titan just to get a scoop? What is this...? So you were not disobeying. No. what are you doing? That hurts. This is hard. somehow manages to bite. It is a small punishment for having deceived us. I know it's insignificant. Deter you are our work on this were not wrong. kid! Eren. You must have been disappointed to see us scared. we still will trust in you. And I want you to trust us. So... trust us. is there? The two titans we were analyzing were murdered. Sonny! Bean! It's a lie! Can only be a lie! Were important experiments. Was it a soldier? It is not known who is to blame. The two were killed before dawn. When the guards realized the culprit was long gone. Sonny! Bean! {\ An8} This... Sonny! Bean! this is the work of the Military Police. Yes... What do you see? Who do you think is the enemy? I said something nasty. When was the last time you changed? There are six days on a mission. As you say in the report. Next. Crest Lenz. I will check the codes. Receiving punishment for killing the Titans... but were important experiments. the soldiers of the training? And we are tired of the last mission... I'm sure the guilty hated the Titans. But it is as if he had helped the Titans despite feeling happy about it. was collateral damage. so I do not understand. Before seeing the Titans wanted to join the Exploration Squad. But now I do not want to see them anymore. Today I decide when troops enter... you really... True will join the Exploration Squad? Is. After what happened to Marco... You... are not afraid? I do not want to die. I'm not like that damn suicide. I mean Eren. It is already in the Exploration Troop. I will not risk my life because someone convinced me. These things can not be done without deciding. Drugs. what do you think? Jean says he will join the Exploration Squad. Any. I think I also choose this. You would kill someone send you die? How so? Of course not! obey himself. Armin? I think sometimes we have to make that decision when we have a purpose to die. Although not want. Got it. So you've decided. Really? Until you Armin... but have courage. Thank you... you are a good person. It seems that you do not want us to enter the Exploration Squad. I think you have a reason to choose to enter the Military Police. Not so much... I just want to... save me. They... can I talk to my companions? Go fast. Mikasa! Armin! Eren! It seems that we do not see a long time. is not it? How to examine your entire body... Or assaulting you psychologically... Not done anything. he'll ever see me. is not it? Eren. How long! Now you are all here. But... if you are here... You joined the Exploration Squad? E has another reason to be here? Annie and Marco went to the Military Police. Do not tell me you also... Marco died. What ? ! Marco died? he died where no one saw him. Marco... Eren. tried to kill the Mikasa. What does this mean? No. The Eren tried to kill a fly and... I did not ask for you. I tried to do this. So you do not remember. not something that confirmed. it's true. You heard? This is the reality. without anyone noticing. why you asked it to Eren? just like you. a proof that worth dying for him. we count on you! come! The uniforms arrived. almost ready. We removed the Titans who were nearby. 30 seconds to open the door. humanity will advance another step . Demonstrate their progress. Opening the door! Next! We will start exploring! Advance! one approaching 10 m! I wonder what's in that belly... but I will leave to the rear! it was superficial. Advance! let them and go. move! Do you think my colleagues can beat the Titans? What have you been doing all this month? exploitation should be avoided fighting... Take position to the new line. Armin. Try not to get wet to see a Titan and survive. You too. we put several groups on the four sides. Broaden as much as possible the communication network. calm down. Why here! Damn! Go behind her. Let's distract him. Come this way! move away. Captain... there is not much we can do. Strange... it's been a while since I shoot red smoke from different directions training. Do not tell me... Black smoke? It seems that is heading to the center. There is no doubt... This is... special. D pray. We need to do this. You finish! I'll hold your move! Right! The Arlert is there. I do not want to meet. I'll do it! Now! That! They succeeded! it is my beloved horse. Charlotte. Again. What other group is doing? should be another special type. We have no choice. Let's do it again. Yes! But we are lucky to find two special. You must be 14 meters. This will be difficult. What? It's too fast. Do not let reach the Arlert! Yes! Now ? ! I can not do anything! It's behind me! Will kill me! run! You will not kill me? What was that? looked at me... Armin! Reiner! can you get up? or will not survive. can not continue with the mission. they left many Titans. From the side came the Titan... Will is attracting the other...? Special? a human with Titan's body. What ? ! When my superior tried to attack his neck was grabbed and thrown to the ground. The Titans should only eat humans. Should be looking for someone... Are you looking for... the Eren? The Eren? You should be on the right side. No. It must be in the safest part of the training. somewhere near the center. Armin is not the time to be thinking. we can gain some time. Jean. I know what I have to do. help me. Armin! Protected the neck. Jean! I can not escape. I will die. take revenge for that damn suicide! Armin... The Titan stopped ? ! This... was he who did it! Ended up with the right training! take revenge! Reiner? Killed my best friend! I saw under his feet! you can work. Hey Reiner. we will. will not follow us. that damn giant woman was frightened. Why? There is the back of the center... Are you going after Eren? why? not yet. Armin. and with two horses. But... Crest. You guys all right? It's my horse. Bulfarto. scared. Fought against a Titan? and this hurt? Are you okay? More or less. How wonderful that found us. I was nearby and saw the horse Jean... Horses like you. Do you have something special. You saved us. nothing happened grave with you. even. God... Goddess... Marry me. we return to our positions. they will provide a removal order. Green Smoke? Only they changed the direction and will follow the mission. we will not take us? What Captain Erwin doing? Does he did not see the sign? but we know what to do in this situation. We must obey. The green color signal. Auruo shoot. Understood. It seems that things are going well. But what's really going on...? Report! The right wing suffered a heavy blow! We have more communication! Please pass the information to the left! Petra? Go! Yes! Were attacked? The Armin is there. A black sign ? ! A special! Eren shoot. Yes! let them go to the training. and someone is struggling under that sign. They said the right is almost destroyed? And yet we will not take us? Why? I do not know. But it is an order from the captain. Pass the information to the left. What does this mean? It's been a while we're going east. And the goal is in the south. we get "that" place. Yes. It's almost giving to see. The forest of the giant trees. it is a cache of the Titans. Alert others. Just load group will enter the woods. but if we follow this pace also reach the woods. Let's go. Yes! wait. soldiers. We will attack formation. we must stop it. but... Shut up and obey! Really? What's going on? A Titan of 5 meters is approaching! Captain. Captain Levi. What? How so? We are in the woods. we can not detect the Titans. as we protect the load? Stop grumbling what everyone already knows. It is obvious that we can no longer do this. A black sign? You are right behind. It is the thing that is coming from the right. we'll take care of it immediately. Run! we can not turn this place! He reached! we will use the three-dimensional devices! Captain! Do not let him escape! Are reinforcements! I turn me on Titan and fight! Eren? You are only allowed to do so when your life is at risk. remember? Eren! You are not wrong. do it. I never knew... no one knows what will happen in the end. choose what will not make you regret it. Eren. Trust. decide soon! I'll follow! You are reaching us! Run! We have to get her out of sight! Shoot! When we move more and tie their horses and move on to the three-dimensional device. with Erwin driving the group. Do they want to capture the live Titan? They say they are doing something on the forest background. It's like I thought. guiding Titan female into the woods. they want to capture the human being that is within it. This is the goal of Erwin commander. right? veterans? Queito! You mean you do not trust us? Eren right. Probably they have some reason to distrust us. That person turns on Titan... there is certainly a spy within the troop. But how many soldiers died because of it? we would have reacted better. he's not wrong. which threatens humanity... The commander made his choice. Chose to sacrifice the lives of 100 companions. Can you leave at once? I have no patience. I think you were killing in many ways my subordinates. That amuses you? I want to ask you something. right? Since I can not let you die... he scared me. I felt something. What direction? They come from all sides at the same time. Are devouring the female Titan? from all sides! All the fight! Protect female Titan! This not! Withdrawal. Back to training. Let's go back. That was useless. that's... This means that the enemy had to lose everything. I did not think it would be eaten to end all the evidence. I'll call my group. reload your supplies. I think I have enough. Why? obey. Erwin. I will trust in their decisions. Apparently already ended. Prepare for removal. It really was... It's all thanks to you. Eren. I did nothing. You trusted us. got this result. Sometimes it is difficult to make the right choice. Must be a sign of Captain Levi. Let's meet with the captain. Why did Levi replenish their supplies if we do not have much time? but you saw it devoured the body of the human inside it? I have not seen. Do not tell me... if one of the types that can move quickly after leaving the body of the Titan .. And if you were already equipped with three-dimensional unit... who is it? Wait... Why? Gunter-san! continue! But Gunter-san... Who is it? Protect the Eren! Is it the original body of Titan female or...? It is one of us? But why? As I thought. Care. Titan female is coming! how can... I got it! No! The three of us Titan Female appoint. You have to go to the main base. What? You are doubting our abilities? That's Eren? You can not trust us? I believe in our victory! Good luck! will be in the dark. Let's finish before that. Let's capture this drug! Let's kill her! Die soon! We will take revenge of this drug Titan Female! I'll cut until you can not lift your arms. All the muscles around them. I'll cut... These arms. Until fall. Dropped! - Now the neck. - If we cut the muscles around the neck... We can cut the neck. It's over! Eld! not passed or 30 seconds. Only one eye... she gave preference to only one eye to restore vision. How can you do this? Petra! Return to training! Petra! Hey... Die! Why? I could not cut... This thing... This thing... I'll kill her! Eren! Mikasa! That voice? Does...? This happened because I made the wrong decision... Why I decided to trust my fellow... all died. If from the beginning I had trusted me... I already have killed him! I destroys it... I'll leave it to pieces. I will devour it. Wait... Eren! Wait... Eren... Do not go... Give me the Eren! Give me! Why can not cut it? Wait! What? Get away soon. Keep this distance. We will attack at once. Let us resign ourselves to capture the female Titan. But she has killed many of our comrades. it will be impossible. Obey my orders. and we will save it before leaving the woods. I take care of it. You will distract her. What fast. So fast that there's no time for her to protect. The neck! I can kill her! Stop! Eren! do not bullshit. Eren... although dirty. let's go. There has fewer people than earlier today? greatly diminished. This time was also a disaster. They left this morning and have returned? huh? you can not get up. Other! The Exploration Troop is so cool. Continue to fight still standing. Commander Erwin answer! They got something from this expedition? You do not have regrets for those who died? The loss of soldiers and the expenses of this expedition were sufficient to suspend the mission. Erwin and officials were called to the palace and Eren will be returned to the authorities. Annie. It had to be my daughter. Annie? You can not rest! You did not know? The Titan and responsible boy will meet in court. I was passing through town. then they will dissolve them this time. {\ A6) \ fs12.8 \ pos (256.196)} "District Stohess Barracks Military Police At last you woke up. I could not wake you up because her face is scary when you are sleeping. Annie. you still very brazen. What? She is upset? Leave her alone. It came from Trost. It is the only one with experience in combat among members. Obviously I still have not forgotten the hell lived. Stop it. so I met them. The Exploration Squad will meet in the capital. our job is to escort them. So it will only be by the time they pass through the city. We will support the escort to increase security. That's all. Annie. Hello. Even turned one military police. Armin... Why is that? It is to hide the three-dimensional device that I have kept with me. See. Why is that? so that the exhaust Eren? Where? Escape after disobeying the king's orders? You will only hide. Do not think of us rebel against the king. It would just be a rebellion from some members of the Exploration Troop. We will only buy time for the court to change your mind. That's all. Do you have any proof to make them change their minds? but I can not say. we can not talk. then do what you have to do. please. they will kill Eren. Ignorant people are on the brink of destruction of humanity. I'll take my chances. You think I'm a good person? Good person... I would not like to say so. It's just that it seems like only consider you a good person because I is appropriate. I do not think there is a good person to everyone. Annie. Right. I help. We were able to get out easily. I can see your work. Do not get distracted. Jean. It will not last long. We do not look like anything. when someone bothers them. I do not make that face. as you pass the wall? We were thinking of leaving with the three-dimensional device. it would be better noshing to escape before coming here. Why do it there? I thought the underground city would be better to help escape. we gain more time that way than making a rebellion. I know. Got it. It's there. Here? we will go there. These are the ruins of the underground city that was the previous government's plans. It is connected to the output port. Really? Nice. Annie. What? Do not tell me you're afraid of dark and narrow places. I'm afraid. it's a damned brave in a hurry to die. Of course you do not know the heart of a delicate woman. A woman who can lift a man is not delicate. Stop playing and go. I will not. I will not help. damn? Come at once and stop wasting time. do not cry. Mikasa. For some time I do not see anyone around. It hurts me. Since when you look at me like that? Armin... why were you with the three-dimensional device Marco? I knew of scratches on it because I helped to maintain. It is. I gathered. why not act? I could not believe it. I wanted to find what was wrong. And because of that... But you did not kill me. So now we are here. I also think that. I did not think it would come to this point. That time... why... is not it? and this can also be a stupid joke. come. Just come here so that we can solve it. Come and taste ? ! I can not go. I told to stop it. Annie. We can still talk. can not stand it. Again... I will cut you until it is invalid... Titan Female! Armin wanted to be a good person for you. At least you won your bet. But I who will bet now. Eren. Mikasa... Too late. Annie... The operation will be the day after tomorrow. Is the urban area of Stohess where we spend before coming to the king. There will be the last chance for us. Let's all of us in this operation. The plan is this: Eren will be ca is to bring the target to this underground. you can stop it even if you turn on Titan. Yes. But are you sure that the target is this place? Yes. The target is a member of the Military Police. Military Police? That's what Armin deduced. Titan female was also responsible for the death of the Titans we were analyzing. There is a high possibility that it is one of his former classmates. Wait a minute... The name of the woman who became Titan is female... Wait.... Annie Leonheart. This not! that ring... From the beginning she had realized that I was lying. The ambush was very obvious. Hey! The first strategy failed? follow to the next strategy. She stepped on them! We need to save them... do not go! Mikasa! Does she do not care if Eren die? we will not know where she'll step. I'll handle it. The same way I did when you protected the cannon. do not depart! Again? Can not be. Why now? that hurt! could not turn. focus more. but... In fact... is that you are not resisting to fight with Annie? Eren... Do not tell me you still think it's a mistake she is the female Titan? What did you see just now ? ! Who killed our comrades was this woman. Still thinking it's wrong? I'm trying! Annie is a female Titan ? ! Armin? Titan Female knew his face from the beginning. only we knew. we suspect that she was responsible for the death of the two Titans. How do you know? To kill those Titans need is a high technique Then should use its three-dimensional device to succeed. But they inspected all devices and not suspected of Annie. she showed the device Marco. You are not deceived? No. I'm sure... we know that. There's other evidence? I have. I think the faces of Annie and Titan female are similar. Stock? What are you talking about? you did not remember anything? not seen her use some special fighting technique of Annie? is not it? Titan female is Annie... So you have to fight. Or you have any special feeling that keeps you? Let's change strategy. The Mikasa and I will run to opposite sides. It will react to one of us. you will flee to the other side. one of you will die. the three of us will die. stay in position. Right. I'll go ahead. Mikasa! Armin! Why? Why are you going to fight? the world is cruel. Eren! Do not let the female escape Titan! No way! Eren! I'll get him there. Move! and that explosion before... send all the troops. We must assume that appeared a Titan. What? We are in Shina wall. Impossible to appear a Titan here. Jaeger. I'm tired of using this disguise. you idiot! I will too. Take the equipment with the squadron 4. Understood. but try not to die. Yes! what does all this mean? follow him. Let's get together with the other groups. you should not move. right? I am not like. or let others do so. - The Titans are here! - How is this possible? ! Eren! what are you doing? Jean! Eren is underneath it. But the strategy was not for him to turn into Titan? he stopped. What ? ! we must take care of it. you can not change anything. should no longer be human. I'm sure Annie can do it. Who can do this wins. was deceived. here! Right! you can not change anything. I failed to rely on my teammates and friends. Remember. I will destroy them... I will... kill them. I do not have time to think about what is the correct one. without thinking of excuses. Damn! Mikasa! The world is cruel! What was that? Eren! Eren... A Titan. Why here? A place plan! Titan female is trying to get on a level place. we will not be able to use the three-dimensional devices. Divide into two groups and surround it. Understood. Why has the Titans here? you always stayed with a sulky face. showed alive. I thought it was a woman who could not lie. why do you fight? What right do you have to kill people? Annie... Annie. Annie. Your father will always be your ally. I will slay the Titans... I will not let on any. Eren! This is...? Eren. Do not. I do not know if Eren will be able to recognize you now. Is climbing! Climbing the wall! you will flee. I'm not leaving. Annie... Fall! Annie. I was wrong. I will not ask you to forgive me at this point. But I ask you something. You might consider... around the world as enemies. I will destroy everything in this world! Maybe all start to hate you. I'll always be your ally. it will devour her. Do not. Eren! I am free. Promise me you'll come back. What happened? What was that? You're freezing? Eren! idiot. I have some doubts. why not ask the help of the military police? since there was a chance she had accomplices. I understand. are you sure we protect humanity? I do not think we can ask Annie Leonheart in its current state. It would be impossible. it was all in vain? Eren. Are you okay? I am so well that even I get scared. And Annie? Still the same? Yes. such an exaggerated operation and did not get anything. She managed to protect information at all costs. I could not do anything. Jean Kirschtein. We have some questions. Yes. Go start with us? So until later. I felt great. It felt so good even despedaçassem my body. but I did not care if I was going to die. Eren! Now I do not feel it. Good thing back... Eat. But I think I got a great chance for humanity to survive. nor imagined that a human could turn into Titan And know that two can do this is a breakthrough. we must pursue all. All Titans who are inside the wall. Now is the time for us to move forward. And Exploration Squad will be in charge of watching Annie Leonheart which is in the basement. But humanity still does not know who are being attacked. Still it will take more time and sacrifice. look! Within the wall... Do not tell me... it is a Titan. your orders! O-What ? ! Wait... Do not let fall any sunshine that Titan! You can tell me? What is this Titan? Why is a Titan in the wall? ... And why hide it? you ruined the church. I'll charge it! Do not mess with me! Leader ? ! Do not approach. Do you know why the soldiers fought delivering their lives? It was to regain the freedom that the Titans stole us. I'm sending you to explain. then... And your life will not be enough to compensate. let me go. Can I drop now? Kill me and learn... I fulfilled my mission. I have said. Let me go! Leader... lie. I'm just kidding. Reverend. All these walls... are full of Titans? EPISODE 08 I heard why you're sending me away to Tamna Island. I.... - My feelings... - Go back. I have no time to listen to your feelings. Is that the only reason? Are you sending me away because I'll burden you if I'm captured? I want to know how you really feel. You want to know how I feel? I'd enjoy a night with you but can your feelings manage? What? You expected more from me? Do you think I love you? You needn't be so harsh. I know how you feel about me. It's my first time. I was frustrated for being unable to help you. I'm disappointed in myself. These feelings... It's medicine. It's the only thing I can do for you. Please accept it. ~my heart is telling me~ ~my eyes are telling me~ ~but once again I lie~ ~in case only tears remain~ ~in case you hurt more ~ ~to my hidden heart that looks for you ~ ~I coat on more longing ~ Don't you cry. ~I want to be rain falling by your side ~ Don't you cry. ~as much as my heart won't stop~ ~the more you fill me, the more I'll break down~ Don't you cry. ~but I can't help but love you still~ ~just looking at you brings tears to my eyes~ ~you give me so much pain I'm numb~ ~but just for one day, just once~ ~I want to hold you in my arms~ Oh my... Help...! Help...! Father. Father. Father, it hurts. Look here. Get a hold of yourself. Where's Prince Jung-hyun's Journal? Oh my... Father. Father. Father. The Scholar who hired me was injured yesterday... You were with that scholar moments ago? Father, how do you know? He's looking for the Journal and you worked for him. I won't see him again. You! Pack up. Get Dam-yi ready. Father... Why aren't you helping? Are you mad? Where'd we go this late? Father, it's my fault. Because I don't provide for you, you all disrespect me? ! Please! Goodness... What's the matter? Well...he wants to go back. I sent out a search party but there's no trace. Kim Sung-yeol saw you? He must've thought his lost love returned. He must know by now I'm First Counselor Choi's daughter. His heart will have trouble accepting that. You're very much like her. He can't forget the woman who sacrificed herself for him. I trust you'll keep your promise to me. Yes, I will. You'll become queen soon so don't worry about that. Next time I meet that man, I'll lure him to where he used to live. I don't know where the Journal is. But I have other evidence. It's a royal decree. 10 years ago, the one who got me to frame Prince Sado was Chief Lord Hongmunkwan. You mean Lord Noh Chang-sun? [ 10 years ago ] It's my Qing translator appointment letter. It should be helpful. It's your grandfather's writing. There will be a rebellion in two days, so be ready. Yes, Prince. Please let me live a few more days. I want to prove Prince Sado's innocence before I leave this world. Please let me repay Prince Sado before I die! Promise one thing. Until I show myself to the prince, don't tell him I exist. Do you agree to this? - Hurry, load them on. - Yes, sir. Don't tell me...a vampire? ! Get out of the way! I'll be at Hwasung tomorrow night. I'll ensure no complications. I am the son of late Prince Sado, rightful heir to the throne, and also Forbidden Quest. From this moment, I will face Gwi, the vampire in the palace. Why'd you bring this corpse here? When the prince reveals he's Forbidden Quest, I'll awaken this Royal Concubine. Then no-one will doubt what the prince tells them. When she tastes my blood, she'll temporarily revive. The people will witness a vampire's transition and a vampire's death as it burns in the sun. And during the day, Gwi can't interfere. Afterwards, I will inform the prince that we share the same vision. You must stop him. Citizens are hearing you exist and seeing corpses. It will get out of hand. Dead men don't speak. We can simply kill those who speak about me. Including the king and his grandson whom you despise. Bring me this man. Succeed, and I'll let you sit on the throne. The throne? Kim Sung-yeol... You want to end this? Gwi must fear this person. Thanks to him, people now believe Forbidden Quest. Casualties will be great. We need a remedy. This won't end until Forbidden Quest stands before Gwi. Why didn't you visit your mother earlier? I thought you'd return to the palace if I didn't visit. I pray for the success of the king and kingdom but I plan to remain here. Son, promise me one thing. Tell me. I don't want to outlive my only son. Nun Gong Yang-joo, your lunch is ready. Yes. Come in. I want to introduce someone to you. I didn't realize you had a guest. He's not a guest, he's my son. Let me introduce you. This young lady took care of me in the past year. Thank you for assuming my filial duties. I should thank you. My family is grateful my time with the Nun let me recover from my illness. I wish I had a modesty and lovely daughter like you. [ The Night Scholar ] Are you thinking about the Scholar? I'm sorry. You have to go to Tamna with me. You won't see him anymore. No. I'm thinking of rewriting the Night Scholar's tale. How? The Night Scholar's secret life. Night Scholar, the sequel! The Night Scholar first meets her while he's seeking a book. From that moment, he couldn't resist her scent. He watched her ceaselessly. Secretly, without her knowing, he found out all about her. As his feelings for her grew, his desire sparked. Then the Night Scholar confessed his feelings to her. You're beautiful. How'd he find attractive? How? Eyes? Nose? Lips? Your heart is beautiful. This is no fun. I'll stick to the Night Scholar idea. It was fun. Tell me more. It's no fun. It's only a dream. It fades once you wake. No fun. Really boring. Why are you observing a long-dead person's memorial? You liked Yang-sun's mother? Enough nonsense! Why bring up the far past? [Seo Jin] [Seo Jung-do] [Baek Yeon-hwa] Lord. What do I do with this book? It's too much responsibility. [Prince Jung-hyun's Journal] Forbidden Quest's group are assembling. They're about to pass out posters. Cheap shoes. Come one, come all. Come and see. Where's the body? It's safe beneath me. It won't suddenly get up, will it? It needs my blood; so don't worry. I must meet the prince now. We'll manage here. Please return to us. Leather shoes! Where are my shoes? I have to go home for a moment. I left something. We're lucky to get away. Nothing of value was left. Forget it. Mother. It was a gift. Leave it. Help us pack! You're hopeless! Go on. I'll come with you. Sorry. We'll be back. Prince. The posters will be dispersed on the hour. I plead with you one last time. Let me step forward as Forbidden Quest? Prince... You're... I'm afraid of dying too. But Prince Jung-hyun, and my father, left this task for me alone. Bring me One-arm when the time is right. He's an important witness for us. Who are you? When you spread posters today, a corpse killed by Gwi will rise as a vampire. Then people must believe you. Reveal yourself! I share your goal, Prince. Did you hide the posters and save my men from execution? Yes, correct. And you intercepted the booksellers' corpses and revealed those who died under Gwi? Correct. What's your motive? Why are you helping me? I am also seeking the Journal to find a way to destroy Gwi. How do you know Gwi exists? What's your identity? Stop there. Once I earn your trust, I'll reveal everything. No, your identity is important. I'll give you my trust afterwards. His Majesty approaches! What's going on? I bring wonderful news. We finally caught Forbidden Quest and his cohorts. Their leader was none other than... - You must go. - Yes. I found them. Let's go. Why'd you wrap shoes? Wear them. Should I? I guess so. Wait a moment. How are they on me? Yeah! You look different! When I make money, I'll buy you a pair. Brother... - Mister! - See here, wake up! See here! Forbidden Quest is the book merchant, Jo Yang-sun! All credit for the investigation is to go to the Prince. Yes, Your Majesty. Hey, get a hold of yourself! See here! Give this to the prince... What are you saying? I didn't want to involve you in this... So sorry... Mister, wake up! Mister! Please... Clear Sado of injustice... - Hey! - Mister! - Hey! - Mister! See here... The prince is Forbidden Quest. He'll handle everything... They're Forbidden Quest guys! - Arrest them all! - Yes! He's Forbidden Quest! Search the property; and seize them! Yes! Father! - The book seller was Forbidden Quest? - I know, right? Maybe that's why he always talked about night scholars? - The Night Scholar! - Where's Yang-sun? She left something at home. - Is he who your father despises? - Yeah. They knew our plans. They were waiting to arrest Forbidden Quest's followers. Our corpse hasn't been discovered. Yang-sun was arrested as Forbidden Quest. Stall the ship sailing for Tamna Island. I'll get Yang-sun and her dad and meet you there. - Make haste. - Yes, lord. We have orders from the king to let no-one pass. I want to speak to Advisor Noh Hak-young. He was arrested in connection with Forbidden Quest. Oh my. Hey, lord... Oh my, no. No, no! Oh my. What's going on here? Father. Are you okay? So the prince was Forbidden Quest? So why'd they say I'm Forbidden Quest? This was meant to be. Listen carefully. Tell no-one the prince is Forbidden Quest! We know nothing. What if we get all the blame? The moment we implicate the prince, we're dead anyway. I'll find a way out of this. Scholar. Your ship is waiting for you. Someone save me! Is anyone there? Not my child! Stay away from my daughter. Have mercy! Someone save us! Father, what's wrong? Anyone, come and save us! You know who I am? Father was Prince Sado's scribe but he told me to avoid you. Someone save us! Is anyone out there? Do you know where Jung-hyun's Journal is? Have mercy! Save us! Father! Protect the king! Someone save us! Father, calm down. Take me instead! Father, let's get on the ship. Kill me instead! - What's going on? - Save us! - What's going on! - Save me, lord! - Save us! - Father! Save us, lord! My Yang-sun is innocent! - That can't be true! - I've confirmed it. Your husband and Yang-sun were arrested. They're innocent. Evidence pointed to Yang-sun as Forbidden Quest. Your husband will be implicated. - Mother. - Let's go. Let's go and plead for their release. There is a way to save them. Have you ever seen Prince Jung-hyun's Journal? We packed a lot of books. Can you draw what you saw? Give me paper and brush. [ Jung-hyun... ] Is this what you seek? [ Prince Jung-hyun ] I know where it is. If I give you that book, can you save them? Take it. Save my husband and daughter! Save them, my lord! I could've sworn he packed that book... It's not good, lord. Those two are nowhere to be seen. Explain again. You won't tell me where Forbidden Quest is? Correct. Why aren't you cooperative? You should've reported Forbidden Quest's capture to our lord first! It would've served you to find him before my grandson did. Am I right? I believe the vampire you spoke of was here. Nothing happened but what if he appears to free Forbidden Quest? So until we confirm it, I had them relocated. No vampire can find them, so don't worry. What if they don't confess? I'll hand them to you in two days. And if they have the Journal, I'll find it for you. You speak logically but why's it hard for me to accept? I don't trust you. I'll stake my grandson's life. He's in charge of the matter so if anything's amiss, I'll hand him to you. You'll risk your precious grandson? But you should see who Forbidden Quest really is. Heed me. You have two days to save your grandson's life. They're nowhere in the palace. We checked locations around the village. No-one knows of the prisoners' relocation. They've hidden them where no-one can find them. The king's interference let the prince act so long as Forbidden Quest. Are you saying he helped his grandson to expose him as king? Why? Maybe he intends to face Gwi with his grandson? If that's true, he wouldn't have interfered today. One thing's certain. To save his grandson, he will make Yang-sun into Forbidden Quest. Say something, Father. Why'd you behave that way? You know the Scholar? What's the matter with you? - He was trying to save us... - Save us? You have no clue who he killed! He devours people... What are you saying? He killed someone? Answer! Evidence was in your homes! You deny being Forbidden Quest? We're being framed. Although I sold banned books for a living, I didn't write those papers. So how do you explain this? - That's... - We were just asked to pass it on. Have mercy, lord! We know nothing! Punish these men till they admit the truth! - Do it. - Yes! I had them relocated. No vampire can find them, so don't worry. Lord! Lord, lord! I tried to stop her. It's fine. Lord. If I give you that book, will you free my husband and daughter? Sure. I remember that book now. My husband went to the temple a few days ago and he took that book. Seo Jung-do's death memorial? What's the matter? Seo Jung-do worked for Prince Sado before Gwi bit him. Why'd Yang-sun's father observe his memorial? Father. Listen to me. If you admit to being Forbidden Quest, I'll spare your lives. But when the king interrogates you tomorrow, you won't be spared even if you confess. But I'm not Forbidden Quest! I'm... - Beat them till they confess! - Yes! Please stop! We're not the ones you should be punishing! Blinded by wealth and power, the ones serving the vampire in the palace are to blame! My father was sacrificed to the vampire! You, my grandfather, should be sitting here! You haven't been punished enough. Strip them and brand them! - Don't stop till they confess! - Yes! No! I'm, I'm... Please stop! Not my child, please! - I'm Forbidden Quest... - Why'd you stop? - Proceed with my order! - Yes. Stop, you scoundrels! A girl... My child is a girl. Please have mercy, lord! That child isn't Forbidden Quest. - Forbidden Quest is a man. - Shut up! Say another word, I'll imprison you like your father! Then you'll sacrifice me to that vampire like you did to my father. I lost my son but protected you. I protected my throne. But what are you protecting? If it wasn't for me, when you opposed me, when you wrote as Forbidden Quest, and spread posters, Gwi would've killed you. If you knew the truth, why'd you stand by? I gave you a chance to discover who you opposed. But like your father, you turned "hero" at threat to your people. - She's a girl dressed as a man? - Yes. Outrageous. Even if she's not Forbidden Quest, her crime is punishable by death. I'll leave Yang-sun for now. Tomorrow before the king, she and the rest will be executed. I know. With Yang-sun's life at stake, I'll negotiate with her father. ~I want to be rain falling by your side ~ ~as much as my heart won't stop~ ~the more you fill me, the more I'll break down~ ~but I can't help but love you still~ Previously on iZombie... The night of boat party, you were selling tainted Utopium. We need more of it if we're gonna make more of the cure. I didn't cut it. But I know who did. BYRON: There are zombies living among us. - You want me to kill them? - Yes. You've got the wrong man for the job. We do know of one zombie, Liv Moore. Got you over a barrel, big guy. MAJOR: Utopium! We need to get more of this! GILDA: You would not believe the guy we hired. - I get it. You're not talking to me. - I just need some time. For anyone in the Utopium trade, party's over. Not a word from Peyton in three months. And then she just shows up? Yeah, my left nut you went to third base with Jolene Fisk. You don't got to believe it. I've got my memories. Up the shirt's not third. Third's in-the-pants stuff. Shut up, Butterball. The only boobs you've ever seen are your own. Dude, toss the beer. Get down! (CAR PASSES BY) No way! What the... - (CHUCKLES) - Dude. You jackasses ready to have some fun? (CHUCKLES) (THEME SONG PLAYING) _ Seattle police are in pursuit of an armed suspect who gunned down a clerk at this Sack Pack in Queen Anne last night. - Security footage shows a... - (SHUTS OFF) - (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS) - INSTRUCTOR: 5, 6, 7, 8. That's 1, 2, 3, and 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. (MUSIC STOPS) Nice! Great job today, early birdies! (CHUCKLES) I missed you so much. God, I know. - So hard. - (CHUCKLES) I'm gonna spill your juice. You stalked me and you brought me a present? That birthday cake you left last night. It meant the world to me. Look, um... When I left, I can't lie, I resented you. I can't tell if it was more, "I can't believe my best friend is a zombie," or, "I can't believe my best friend didn't tell me she's a zombie." - I get that. - While I was away I had a chance to really put myself in your shoes, and... Ugh, I realized how hard this last year must have been for you. You gave up being a surgeon, you gave up the love of your life. And then I bailed. Well, to be fair, you had just seen me stab someone in the head. Knives sticking out of you like a pin cushion. Eyes all red. Yeah. No! Ravi needs me. But we have to celebrate soon. And I have zombie questions. Okay? I mean, I wrote them down. They're a few pages. (CHUCKLES) - Thank you for coming back. - I love you, too. Go. (SIGHS) (CELL PHONE VIBRATES) Damn it. Mmm. Cut me off a piece of that for breakfast. Oh, Rita. Fine. I'll fend for myself. Check a few zombie souls off your little list today, like a good boy. As you wish. - RAVI: Major? - Yeah, man. Sorry I'm late. Aw! Hey, Dog. Yeah, that's the smell of sex and self-loathing. Sorry I'm late. I knew I had to take you to work. Had my alarm set. But, uh, my phone ran out of juice. Don't worry about it. I get my car back today. That said, things are different now with Minor here. Minor? - He was whining all night. - You named the dog Minor? Then he found his way into the bathroom trash. Dude, I'm sorry. It won't happen again. You ready to go? - Oh, actually... - (DOORBELL RINGS) Oh. - You are here. - Yeah, that'll happen occasionally. You know, I uh, live here, so... Oh, sorry, I uh... It didn't seem like you were gonna show, so I called Liv. Oh, my God! You have a dog? Hiya, cutie, what's your name? - Minor. - Dog. Yeah, anyway, uh, I should take him out. So, come on. Still needs time. (MESSAGE ALERT CHIMES) Hmm. Bat signal. Shall we? LIV: Only one guy at the door? Where is everyone? (INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER POLICE RADIO) Bit of a skeleton crew today. Oh, a cashier was shot at a Sack Pack in Queen Anne. Lot of resources going to the manhunt. Lots of convenience store clerks get shot. But the shmancy ones in Queen Anne get a manhunt? That hardly seems fair. - Hey, you preaching to the choir. - How about you, love? - Any thoughts on fairness? - This is Lacy Cantrell. Thirty-two years old. Transplanted Texan. She's a waitress at that country music joint, The Slow Roll. Her landlady found her when she came by to collect overdue rent. Oh, we'll have to confirm with autopsy, but the bruise pattern and petechia both suggest manual strangulation. Closet door was found open. There's hangers knocked down, clothes and stockings trampled on the floor. Could be our killer was waiting for her in the closet. I'd scrape under her fingernails for skin samples, but the dish gloves likely mean no DNA. No DNA. Nobody saw anything, nobody heard anything. A flying start. What about you, Zoltar? Johnny Cash, Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton. I'd say Lacy was a little bit country. And I'm a little bit "let's rock and roll." Tell me something I can't see. Lacy was sending letters to a man named Matt Sudak. Up at the State Penitentiary in Walla Walla. They were all sent back unopened. Didn't see that. DEVORE: Mmm. Come in. This is my voice when I'm happy. You want a gold star? Find me the gun. Manhunt's over. We got the convenience store shooter. Same clothes he was wearing in the footage, and he had 400 bucks on him. The amount missing from the register. But no gun. - Enough to hold him... - But we need the gun to make it stick. This is FBI Agent Dale Bozzio. She'll be working out of our offices for a while, looking into a string of missing person cases. It seems someone is targeting rich guys in Seattle. First, Alan York, the astronaut, went missing. Then, there was Tim Addis, heir to the Addis timber fortune. Followed closely by Colin Andrews, a tech pioneer who was last seen jogging in Seward Park. We want a download on Terrence Fowler. I understand he's missing now, and he fits the profile. Fowler's wife, Taylor, was a murder-for-hire. I figured he took off, given the suspicion that he was somehow involved. But my APB got no hits. I'd like to take a look at anything you have on him. - If you don't mind. - He doesn't. Help her out with whatever she needs, Babineaux. Happy to. (GROANS) God help me, that smells sensational. The man locked up in Walla Walla, the one our victim sent all these unopened letters to, was a boyfriend. Matt Sudak. They moved here together from Texas. Seems he and Lacy broke up while he was in the joint, after she confirmed in one of these that she had a one-night stand with one of his buddies. According to his P.O., Sudak was released a month ago. Sounds promising. Well, these make it sound like Matt wasn't the type of guy who'd let Lacy go without a fight. She sent this one a week before he was released. "I can't stop thinking about that run-down motel "on the way from Lubbock. "About your smell and your weight on me..." - Oh, sorry, wrong spot. - Sounds like the right spot to me. Clive. This is a, uh, safe zone. Tell us about his weight on you. (SIGHS) Here we go. "I can't stop thinking about that bar in Lubbock, "when that wildcatter started chatting me up. "You threw him clean across the room. "When we made love that..." Oh, okay. Yeah, right. I hate that phrase, "made love." It's like sex went and hired a PR firm. Well, I just say, "do sex." You know, like, uh... "Thank you for doing sex with me." Okay. Um, here. Uh... Here we go. "I know when you get out we won't be together again. "I know I gotta let you go. "Promise me when you're out, you'll forget about me. Please..." ♪ I got to let you go ♪ "Please just tell me you won't do anything crazy." Crazy is Sue's M.O. He was doing 15 months for aggravated assault. He put a guy in the hospital in a barroom brawl. Nearly beat him to death with a pool cue. Spurned lover with a wicked temper could be our guy. Lacy was choked to death so hard, there were fractures in her hyloid bone and laryngeal cartilage. Sue's working at a pawn shop downtown. Wanna go for a ride? Does a one-legged duck swim in circles? Is a pig's rump pork? I'm gonna start walking. If all that meant yes, catch up. _ - Hey there. - Hi. Lookin' for anything particular? Matt Sudak. (GROANS) In back. Sue! Ya got visitors. Seattle's finest. That was quick. You were expecting us? Makes sense when you're a parolee whose ex gets murdered. Why don't you start with the last time you saw Lacy. I only seen her once since I got out of the joint. Went down to The Slow Roll one night and she was on stage. Lacy's been writing songs, singing 'em for a long time. All these old feelings came rushing back, so I got up and left. I never spoke a word. Still, I'd have laid down in traffic if she asked me to. She wanted you to forgive her. How would you know what she wanted? All those letters that she sent you, that you never bothered to read? I did. Then I guess you know all about her hooking' up with my so-called friend? She couldn't wait a year for me! It was a test, and she failed it. Ever think that maybe you failed a test when you nearly beat a man to death with a pool cue? Let's start over. How 'bout you tell us where you were last night? Last night I was drinkin' with my buddy Phil. He's right out front. Go and ask him. When we're done here. As expected, he was a peach. Phil. You mind telling us where you were last night around 10:00? Uh, my place. Knocking back a few beers with Sue. He was with me all night. (STRUMS) You got a good eye there, miss. - How long you been playing? - Just picked it up. (PLAYS CHORDS) (IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) Just like ringing a bell. I'll take it. Why don't you wrap up one of those banjos for me while we're at it? Later, we'll do some pickin' and grinnin'. I'll be in the car. So, that's a no on the banjo? ♪ When you near beat a man to death and got yourself thrown in ♪ ♪ Walla Walla State Pen ♪ Love and murder. Country song staples. It's called The Ballad of Sue and Lacy. It's a working title. I'm hoping a clue might come out of it. (SNIFFS) Are you wearing cologne? Uh, it's called Desire-Rx. It has human pheromones in it. - I'm a walking sex experiment. - Seeing Steph again tonight? Obviously. She's my test subject. Look at you! You don't know whether to wind your watch or scratch your ass. I'm fairly certain I do. My watch self-winds. My ass, on the other hand... (PLAYS GUITAR) You're wearing a cologne made of pheromones? How do you know whose pheromones are even in there? You think the cologne makers were like, "Hey, death-row inmate, "scrape some pheromones into this cup. There's a pack of cigarettes in it for ya." - It's a possibility. - Me, I choose to believe they have the Hemsworth brothers on an elliptical wearing nothing but sponges. That would explain why I like it so much. (DOOR OPENS) Major! Feel free to go straight upstairs! Oh. Hi. Sorry, guys. You're not Major. - Hi, I'm Steph. - Hi. Peyton. So, uh, what's with the, uh suitcases? Is, uh, everything okay? It was until you just asked that. Wait, did Major not tell you? He said I could crash here until my new place is ready. He did not. Uh, but you know, hey, (STAMMERS) you're welcome here, you know. That's sweet. Thank you. Well. I'm starving. So, I'll just drop my suitcases and go out and grab something. - Nice to meet you, Steph. - Yeah. That's the girl you used to date? Damn, playa! No, no. I'm not high-fiving that. I wasn't born yesterday. (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS) Hey. Manager around? He's holed up in the back right now. Under the weather. Something I can help you with? Follow me. It's like a nightmare come true. We're all just heartbroken about Lacy. (COUGHS) - When did you see her last? - When she clocked out last night. I'd say, around 9:00? Did she leave with anyone? Argue with anyone? No, everyone loved Lacy. I mean, she was a... She was a spitfire. Was she acting strangely at all? Well, she seemed a little frazzled about her finances. I mean, she asked for an advance on her paycheck. Maybe she owed someone some money. - You, uh, you here about little Lacy? - That's right. She was my favorite. I always sat in her section. I don't know if this means anything, but last night I heard the manager, Rick, and Lacy hollerin' at each other. I don't know what about, but I saw her take a pot of coffee and dump it in his lap. He screamed like a stuck pig. She flew outta here. Took a tire iron to Rick's taillight before she peeled out of the parking lot. (TIRES SCREECH) Well, butter my butt and call it a biscuit. _ Richard Dipalma, goes by Rick. White male, maybe 5'11", red hair, medium build. Just go with this LKA. When you bring him in, call me. They'll try to pick him up at home. Look at this. Bandages, ice packs, burn ointment. About that cash advance, I think we can work something out. Hmm? What? (GRUNTS) (GASPS) What'd you see? Rick, trying to hump Lacy like she was the corner of a La-Z-Boy. He was offering her a cash advance in return. The only action he got was an elbow in the gut. I'm guessing it pissed her off enough to pour coffee on him. She rejected him, burned the hell out of him, humiliated him in front front of his customers. Sounds like a few good reasons you might wanna kill someone. (EXHALES) Two of our customers have gone missing now, Chief. Two. Poof. Gone. Like it's the friggin' rich zombie rapture. Can't a guy make an honest living creating undead and selling them cadaver brains? Huh? "Two's not that bad." Smiley face. I appreciate the pep talk, big fella. I really do. But I don't think there's an emoji that rightfully expresses my feelings about losing 50K a month. You know? - I found Gabriel. - The archangel? Gabriel cut the Utopium the night of the boat party. And you're never gonna guess where he is now. I've walked through the valley of death, and it looks a lot like a crack den on Third Avenue. I've led myself unto temptation. Tried every drug in the book. And I can tell you, the most powerful drug you can take is the drug called "love." And it comes from a pusher named Jesus. And... That's him, that's Gabriel. Does it have to be? Welcome, brothers. Have you heard the good news? - Jesus saves. - That is good news. Do you know where he shops? (GROANING) What happened to "ask and ye shall receive"? That part of my life is over. Maybe we've hit you in the dome one too many times, Gabe. I told you. Your formula is special. It'll cure people. Save souls. No. No. No? Chief, put him down for a nap. I see you're serving a five-year sentence for trafficking. What would you say if I told you I could get you two years shaved off of it? - In exchange for information. - I'd say tell me more. When you were arrested, you were a low-level associate in Stacey Boss' crew. I need everything you can tell me about Mr. Boss' crime organization. No friggin' way. You could walk out in six months. Lady, I said I'm not interested. You'd be a free man tomorrow, and you still won't tell me anything? No point in being a free man if you're a dead man. So, Lacy poured coffee on me last night. And I'm sorry not to have been more upfront about it. I just was trying to protect Lacy's memory. I told him the right thing to do was to come in and tell the truth. She was in love with Rick. Tell him. Sorry. I just got your message that Rick, here, turned himself in. Ms. Moore, you know Rick. This is his wife, Pamela. We're just hearing about how Lacy was in love with Rick. Yeah, so, uh... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) You know, last night she, uh... She kinda made a move, you know. And I said, "Hey, I'm married and I love my wife." And she just got super mad. That's a load of bull corn and you know it. Lacy asked you for a cash advance, and you asked her for a nasty quid pro quo! She was standing right in front of that scuzzy sink in your office when you tried affixing yourself to her backside like a cheap leather chair. According to our witness. You wanna do yourself a favor, Rick? Don't lie to us again. (MOUTHING) Okay, look. I didn't kill her. It just... It was a misunderstanding. It just was a hug that went on too long. You offered her cash for sex, Rick. That's what those blisters on your crotch are about. What? - I... - You... I'm home, pregnant with your... - (YELLING) - Ow! - Whoa! - Honey! Ow! - Honey! Ow, ow! - LIV: That's right. Hey, Watson! Some help here! Get it out, honey! Hey. He told me to say I was his alibi, but it was a lie! I don't know where he was last night. He didn't come home until midnight! - He was crazed... - What are you doing? Richard Dipalma, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. _ Yeah, I'm looking into a moving violation for a Phillip Nelson from two nights ago. Can you have the officer who wrote the ticket give me a call? Thanks. Psst! Babineaux. What's with the guy burning the scented candle? Does he think he's working the front desk at the day spa? He claims it centers his chi. Who brings their chi to work? Someone's gotta stop that guy. Strong scents make me nauseous. I know people say that, but if he busts out a sandalwood, I will puke. It should smell like a real police station in here! Oh, go ask if he has a candle that smells like hookers and burned coffee. Don't think I won't. So, gimme the dirt. What do I need to know to survive and not piss people off? That I'm the person who usually pisses people off, so you should ask someone else. No, I knew you were that guy. I figured you could tell me what you do so I could do other stuff. Okay, at least tell me what the best food joint is within walking distance. - In girl shoes. - Hands down. Bob Shanghai's food truck. Let's go. Mrs. Dipalma's calmed down. She's ready to give her statement. Rain check? Okay. But now you're buying. CLIVE: Mrs. Dipalma. I just need your full statement about last night, then you and the baby can get some rest at home. So, last night I was home reading until around 9:30. Rick comes home shortly after 10:00. But not last night. I must've dozed off, but I woke up when he came in. Looked at the clock, it was 12:03. Did anything strike you as off about him? He was just... Weird? Anything of note with his clothes? No. He wears the same thing usually. I mean, Lacy poured a pot of coffee on his lap. Oh, yeah! I smelled that as soon as he walked in. Did you notice anything about Rick's shirt? Like blood? Come to think of it, there was blood on his shirt. I just thought maybe he broke up a fight at work. And, uh, how much blood would you say there was? Well, enough to notice, for sure. Mrs. Dipalma, Lacy Cantrell was strangled. There was no blood. Are you aware that giving a false report of a crime is a felony? (SINGING COUNTRY MUSIC) This is singer-songwriter night? I was thinking more like, 10 people in the audience. Tuesday night at The Slow Roll. Happy hour till last call. - Your name? - Olivia Moore. You're up next, girlie. Oh, my God. You came! And you're a cowboy. You think the mechanical bull's in a back room somewhere? What? What's with the face? I'm sweatin' like a 10 dollar whore on nickel night. What if my voice cracks? What if in the middle of my song some redneck shouts out, "Show us your hooters!" And I go into full-on zombie mode? Oh, "if, if, if." If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn't bump its bum when he jumps. (WHISTLING AND APPLAUSE) Let's hear it for Skip McKitrick! Please give a warm welcome to a Slow Roll virgin, Olivia Moore. Whoo! (WHISTLES) Hi, I'm Liv. This is a song that I wrote about two people that I have gotten to know recently. They love each other, desperately, but they can't seem to stop hurting each other. ♪ So you heard from some folks ♪ ♪ That I ain't been true ♪ ♪ I guess you still get gossip in the clink ♪ ♪ It happened on one night, I was full of SoCo and lime ♪ ♪ When a pretty boy bought me a drink ♪ ♪ And he said darlin', you're too pretty to be sad ♪ ♪ And I said Mister, I needed to hear that real bad ♪ (PHONE RINGING) Hey, you've reached Liv's phone. Leave a message. (BEEPS) Liv, I had to cut Rick loose. His wife was lying about him coming home late. The whole thing. Uh, excuse me? I'm sorry. Uh, my son found this. - I thought I should show someone. - Oh, of course. Cavanaugh! Can you help this lady? Yeah. On another front, Sue, the ex-con/ex-boyfriend? His alibi evaporated. His buddy Phil was getting ticketed for speeding in Issaquah when they were supposed to be together. ♪ There's only nightmares ahead of us ♪ ♪ And sweet dreams long ago ♪ ♪ It's time to wake up, baby ♪ ♪ It's time I let you go ♪ ♪ I've got to let you go ♪ (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Ow! Thank you. Keep it going for Olivia Moore! ...take a little break. So, we'll see you back here in about ten minutes. That was amazing! What do you feel right now? Clarity. I have to go see Major. Oh, but... You're gonna miss me trying to convince one of these lovelies to play Cowgirl and Indian. (CAR BEEPS OPEN) Hey. I just wanted to tell you that was some good playin' in there. Oh. - Thank you. - 'Course. Goodnight. I liked your song. I think Lacy would've liked it, too. Growin' up, my dad used to tell me, "Son, you could screw up a steel ball." I did that with Lacy. I loved that girl. Love ain't always enough. REPORTER ON TV: Seven days and still no sign of a missing Bellevue man. Thirty-three-year-old tech entrepreneur Colin Andrews, was last seen Wednesday evening, when he told his brother he was going for a run in Seward Park with his dog. (DOORBELL RINGS) Hey. Twice in a week. I'm sorry. I know you want space. But that's kind of why I'm here. I realized something tonight. I just need to say it. Okay. From the moment that I met you I knew we were meant to be together. I was sure of it. It was like fate. But that was before I'd witnessed a mass murder. Before I'd eaten fresh brain, before I'd lied to you, or let you put yourself in a mental hospital. It was before I watched you die. And it was before all this cruelty was directed back at me. Now, I don't think that space can fix what's wrong with us. We're a dream that's dead. I doubt that I will ever stop loving you, but it's over now. I gotta let you go. Completely. Forever. Perfect. Thanks for stopping by. Hey! Stop! I'm coming here like an adult, trying to talk to you. How can you be this cold to me? Who exactly am I being cold to? Huh? Whose brain did you eat this week? Oh, this is all me! And in case you've forgotten, I didn't ask for this. I went to a party because you told me I should. I woke up on a shore craving brains. And next thing I know, I've cracked this corpse's head open... How could I bring that home to you? How could I be your wife? I had become a monster. And I was confused, and I was dangerous. Every decision that I made last year, I made trying to protect you from my new reality. I know that in your eyes I screwed up badly somewhere along the line. But I did the best I could. You know, I just... I keep asking you for some space, and every time I turn around, here you are. Why are you doing this? Doing what? Making me doubt the only thing in my life that I was sure was real. _ (VIDEO GAME SOUNDS) Major. Major! Where's the dog? Uh, he was just right here. Well, the back door's wide open and he's not here now. I even shook his bag of snick snacks and still, no dog. Yeah. He'll be back. He's uh... Probably just... What? Down at the corner bodega picking up some munchies? Well, let's go! We need to find the dog! Yeah, okay. Jesus rose from the dead. That doesn't make him a zombie if he doesn't eat brains. Dude, that body of Christ stuff, that was for his disciples to eat. I don't know what you qualify as when you make other people eat you. Narcissistic. Let's check in on our man of the cloth before I head out, huh? (MUFFLED BREATHING) And on the second day, he shared the Utopium recipe, right? I'll die first. I'll tell you what. I'll get you halfway there. Chief? What? No! No! (WHIMPERING) Wait! Wait! No! Wait a second! He's gonna be a fresh, angry zombie soon. You'll want to use a few more screws. So, uh... It says here you were slinging for Stacey Boss. But are now a local business owner. So, seeing as you're not serving time, have everything to lose and nothing to gain, I don't know what to offer you. Except, the peace of mind you'd have serving your community if you told me anything you know about Stacey Boss. Peace of mind. Can't put a price tag on that. Stacey imports his Utopium from Hong Kong. It's hidden in shipments of scrap copper. The shipments come bimonthly into a port at Terminal 18. And in regards to what you can offer me? I would like to discuss immunity for the crimes I'm about to admit to. So, Jiang Jin is Boss' lieutenant, and specifically, he's the gatekeeper for Hong Kong. But with Jiang and his son AJ both in prison, then who's running the Jin empire? That, I don't know. But if Jin's operation was in some way compromised, Boss' supply out of Hong Kong would be compromised. You are really saving my ass here. (CHUCKLES) You'll tell the press that it was my savvy interrogation that got you to cooperate, right? (LAUGHS) "She exuded a power that compelled me to talk. I was helpless to resist." You sure you don't want anything? Wine is all I need. What was I saying? - You went all hell hath no fury on Major. - Yeah. Something snapped in me. I unloaded on him. I was just tired of living in the doghouse, you know? No, I get it, it's time. But for what it's worth, the guy walking around claiming to be Major doesn't seem at all like the Major I remember. (DOOR OPENS) Gilda! - Hi. - -Want some Tom Yum soup? I ordered it extra-spicy. Thanks, but, uh, new diet. No eating after 6:00. (SOFTLY) Unless it's a whisky sour. I don't know about this Gilda chick, with the legs and the hair, and the hard liquor dinners. Think maybe a background check is in order. Ooh, I like you jealous. Keeps you from phoning it in with me. Or focusing too much of your energy on boys. Yuck. Boys. Not to worry. I'm currently a free agent. Actually, I met someone interesting at work today. I think you'd like him. (DRILLING) He is risen. You feeling peckish? Hmm? Oh. Oh, oh, oh. (CHUCKLES) Nice work, Chief. Last chance, Preach. Tell me what you cut the Utopium with, and I will feed you and cure you. You give me what I want and you shall be healed! God is testing me. (LAUGHS) Right. Out! Foul demon! Enjoy your 40 days in the wilderness. Come back when you have a different answer for me. _ Hey! I didn't listen to your voicemail about Sue until this morning. I actually ran into him last night at The Slow Roll. - You what? - I think Sue's just a prickly pear. Soft and sweet on the inside? I don't see him killing Lacy. - You were out working the case? - I was on stage. Singing. - And Sue was a gentleman. - He lied about his alibi, Liv. - I mean, I can't... - (LAUGHING) (APPLAUSE) Oh, someone hit big on the scratch-off? No, that lady who came in last night? Brought in the gun from that convenience store job in Queen Anne. Ballistics just confirmed it. She said her kid found it in some bushes up by Evergreen Manor? - Congrats. - Thanks. Wait a sec. Where'd you say the kid found it? Thank God. Where'd you find him? On a lost pet message board. A jogger found him wandering around a park, posted a... - Which park? - Uh... Seward Park. I mean, why does that matter? No, uh... It doesn't, I guess. I, uh... Not in the grand scheme. What is going on with you, man? When I came in yesterday, you couldn't respond to your own name, you couldn't remember when you'd last seen Minor. I'm starting to wonder whether you can take care of yourself, let alone an animal. Look, it was just a bad day is all. All right? I'll get myself together. Cool. You do that. Oh. Next time you decide to invite an ex of mine to live with us, give us a heads up first, will you? Cheers. Come on, Minor. Looking to score a couple of U bombs. Major? (LAUGHING) Yo, Stubs! Get me a couple a brain busters on the house for this cat. We go way back to Helton Shelter. This dude was trying to keep us off drugs! (LAUGHS) Privilege drop, bro! (CONTINUES LAUGHING) (SNICKERS) (PHONE VIBRATES) CLIVE: After you shot the Sack Pack clerk in Queen Anne, you were on foot. You made it all the way to Evergreen Manor, where you ditched the gun in some bushes. Police choppers were in the air with spotlights so, you ducked into the first unlocked house you could find. Lacy Cantrell's. She comes home, so you hide in her closet. My guess is she heard something, went to check it out, and discovered you. You panicked and choked her to death. We found pantyhose on her closet floor, the same ones you wore on your head in the robbery. Your DNA's gonna be all over them. You already confessed to one murder. Do a good thing and give Lacy's family some closure. So, that's it? Lacy was just in the wrong place at the wrong time? It happens. Try not to dwell on it. It'll make you crazy. LIV: Yeah, no kidding it'll make you crazy. (PLAYING BADLY) You spend your life in a comfortable dream state believing in destiny. Then reality snaps you awake like a kick in the teeth. Bad things happen as often as good things. People who think they're meant to be together, aren't. Turns out we're nothing more than chemicals hurtling through space, haphazardly bouncing off each other. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Feeling stupid we ever believed there was some grand plan. I need help. Liv: Previously on izombie... The night of the boat party, you were selling tainted utopium. Weneedmoreofit ifwe'regonnamakemore ofthecure. I didn't cut it. But I know who did. Byron: There are zombies livingamongus . -You want me to kill them? -Yes. You've got the wrong man for the job. We do know of one zombie, liv moore. Got you over a barrel, big guy. Major: Utopium! We need to get more of this! Gilda: Youwouldnotbelieve theguywe hired. -I get it. You're not talking to me. -I just need some time. Foranyonein theutopiumtrade, party'sover. Not a word from peyton in three months. And then she just shows up? Yeah, my left nut you went to third base with jolene fisk. You don't got to believe it. I've got my memories. Up the shirt's not third. Third's in-the-pants stuff. Shut up, butterball. The only boobs you've ever seen are your own. Dude, toss the beer. Get down! (car passes by) No way! What the... -(chuckles) -dude. You jackasses ready to have some fun? (chuckles) (theme song playing) Seattlepoliceareinpursuit ofanarmedsuspect Whogunneddowna clerkatthissackpack Inqueenannelastnight. -Securityfootageshowsa... -(shuts off) -(hip hop music plays) -instructor: 5, 6, 7, 8. That's 1, 2, 3, and 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. (music stops) Nice! Great job today, early birdies! (chuckles) I missed you so much. God, I know. -So hard. -(chuckles) I'm gonna spill your juice. You stalked me and you brought me a present? That birthday cake you left last night. It meant the world to me. Look, um... When I left, I can't lie, I resented you. I can't tell if it was more, "I can't believe my best friend is a zombie," Or, "I can't believe my best friend didn't tell me she's a zombie." -I get that. -While I was away I had a chance to really Put myself in your shoes, and... Ugh, I realized how hard this last year must have been for you. You gave up being a surgeon, you gave up the love of your life. And then I bailed. Well, To be fair, you had just seen me stab someone in the head. Knives sticking out of you like a pin cushion. Eyes all red. Yeah. No! Ravi needs me. But we have to celebrate soon. And I have zombie questions. Okay? I mean, I wrote them down. They're a few pages. (chuckles) -Thank you for coming back. -I love you, too. Go. (sighs) (cell phone vibrates) Damn it. Mmm. Cut me off a piece of that for breakfast. Oh, rita. Fine. I'll fend for myself. Check a few zombie souls off your little list today, like a good boy. As you wish. -Ravi: Major? -Yeah, man. Sorry I'm late. Aw! Hey, dog. Yeah, that's the smell of sex and self-loathing. Sorry I'm late. I knew I had to take you to work. Had my alarm set. But, uh, my phone ran out of juice. Don't worry about it. I get my car back today. -That said, things are different now with minor here. -Minor? -He was whining all night. -You named the dog minor? Then he found his way into the bathroom trash. Dude, I'm sorry. It won't happen again. You ready to go? -Oh, actually... -(doorbell rings) Oh. -You are here. -Yeah, that'll happen occasionally. You know, I uh, live here, so... Oh, sorry, I uh... It didn't seem like you were gonna show, so I called liv. Oh, my god! You have a dog? Hiya, cutie, what's your name? -Minor. -Dog. Yeah, anyway, uh, I should take him out. So, come on. Still needs time. (message alert chimes) Hmm. Bat signal. Shall we? Liv: Only one guy at the door? Where is everyone? (indistinct chatter over police radio) Bit of a skeleton crew today. Oh, a cashier was shot at a sack pack in queen anne. Lot of resources going to the manhunt. Lots of convenience store clerks get shot. But the shmancy ones in queen anne get a manhunt? That hardly seems fair. -Hey, you preaching to the choir. -How about you, love? -Any thoughts on fairness? -This is lacy cantrell. Thirty-two years old. Transplanted texan. She's a waitress at that country music joint, the slow roll. Her landlady found her when she came by to collect overdue rent. Oh, we'll have to confirm with autopsy, but the bruise pattern and petechia Both suggest manual strangulation. Closet door was found open. There's hangers knocked down, clothes and stockings trampled on the floor. Could be our killer was waiting for her in the closet. I'd scrape under her fingernails for skin samples, But the dish gloves likely mean no dna. No dna. Nobody saw anything, nobody heard anything. A flying start. What about you, zoltar? Johnny cash, loretta lynn, dolly parton. I'd say lacy was a little bit country. And I'm a little bit "let's rock and roll." tell me something I can't see. Lacy was sending letters to a man named matt sudak. Up at the state penitentiary in walla walla. They were all sent back unopened. Didn't see that. Devore: Mmm. Come in. This is my voice when I'm happy. You want a gold star? Find me the gun. Manhunt's over. We got the convenience store shooter. Same clothes he was wearing in the footage, and he had 400 bucks on him. The amount missing from the register. But no gun. -Enough to hold him... -But we need the gun to make it stick. This is fbi agent dale bozzio. She'll be working out of our offices for a while, Looking into a string of missing person cases. It seems someone is targeting rich guys in seattle. First, alan york, the astronaut, went missing. Then, there was tim addis, heir to the addis timber fortune. Followed closely by colin andrews, A tech pioneer who was last seen jogging in seward park. We want a download on terrence fowler. I understand he's missing now, and he fits the profile. Fowler's wife, taylor, was a murder-for-hire. I figured he took off, given the suspicion that he was somehow involved. -But my apb got no hits. -I'd like to take a look at anything you have on him. -If you don't mind. -He doesn't. Help her out with whatever she needs, babineaux. Happy to. (groans) god help me, that smells sensational. The man locked up in walla walla, The one our victim sent all these unopened letters to, Was a boyfriend. Matt sudak. They moved here together from texas. Seems he and lacy broke up While he was in the joint, after she confirmed in one of these That she had a one-night stand with one of his buddies. According to his p.O., sudak was released a month ago. Sounds promising. Well, these make it sound like matt wasn't the type of guy Who'd let lacy go without a fight. She sent this one a week before he was released. "I can't stop thinking about that run-down motel "on the way from lubbock. "about your smell and your weight on me..." -Oh, sorry, wrong spot. -Sounds like the right spot to me. Clive. This is a, uh, safe zone. Tell us about his weight on you. (sighs) here we go. "I can't stop thinking about that bar in lubbock, "when that wildcatter started chatting me up. "you threw him clean across the room. "when we made love that..." Oh, okay. Yeah, right. I hate that phrase, "made love." It's like sex went and hired a pr firm. Well, I just say, "do sex." you know, like, uh... "thank you for doing sex with me." Okay. Um, here. Uh... Here we go. "I know when you get out we won't be together again. "I know I gotta let you go. "promise me when you're out, you'll forget about me. Please..." ¶I gotto letyou go¶ "please just tell me you won't do anything crazy." Crazy is sue's m.O. He was doing 15 months for aggravated assault. He put a guy in the hospital in a barroom brawl. Nearly beat him to death with a pool cue. Spurned lover with a wicked temper could be our guy. Lacy was choked to death so hard, There were fractures in her hyloid bone and laryngeal cartilage. Sue's working at a pawn shop downtown. Wanna go for a ride? Does a one-legged duck swim in circles? Is a pig's rump pork? I'm gonna start walking. If all that meant yes, catch up. -Hey there. -Hi. Lookin' for anything particular? Matt sudak. (groans) in back. Sue! Ya got visitors. Seattle's finest. That was quick. You were expecting us? Makes sense when you're a parolee whose ex gets murdered. Why don't you start with the last time you saw lacy. I only seen her once since I got out of the joint. Went down to the slow roll one night and she was on stage. Lacy's been writing songs, singing 'em for a long time. All these old feelings came rushing back, so I got up and left. I never spoke a word. Still, I'd have laid down in traffic if she asked me to. She wanted you to forgive her. How would you know what she wanted? All those letters that she sent you, that you never bothered to read? I did. Then I guess you know all about her hooking' up with my so-called friend? She couldn't wait a year for me! It was a test, and she failed it. Ever think that maybe you failed a test when you nearly Beat a man to death with a pool cue? Let's start over. How 'bout you tell us where you were last night? Last night I was drinkin' with my buddy phil. He's right out front. Go and ask him. When we're done here. As expected, he was a peach. Phil. You mind telling us where you were last night around 10:00? Uh, my place. Knocking back a few beers. With sue. He was with me all night. (strums) You got a good eye there, miss. -How long you been playing? -Just picked it up. (plays chords) (in southern accent) just like ringing a bell. I'll take it. Why don't you wrap up one of those banjos for me while we're at it? Later, we'll do some pickin' and grinnin'. I'll be in the car. So, that's a no on the banjo? ¶whenyounear beata manto death andgotyourselfthrownin ¶wallawallastatepen¶ Love and murder. Country song staples. It's called the ballad ofsueandlacy. It's a working title. I'm hoping a clue might come out of it. (sniffs) Are you wearing cologne? Uh, it's called desire-rx. It has human pheromones in it. -I'm a walking sex experiment. -Seeing steph again tonight? Obviously. She's my test subject. Look at you! You don't know whether to wind your watch or scratch your ass. I'm fairly certain I do. My watch self-winds. My ass, on the other hand... (plays guitar) You're wearing a cologne made of pheromones? How do you know whose pheromones are even in there? You think the cologne makers were like, "hey, death-row inmate, "scrape some pheromones into this cup. There's a pack of cigarettes in it for ya." -It's a possibility. -Me, I choose to believe They have the hemsworth brothers on an elliptical wearing nothing but sponges. That would explain why I like it so much. (door opens) Major! Feel free to go straight upstairs! Oh. Hi. Sorry, guys. You're not major. -Hi, I'm steph. -Hi. Peyton. So, uh, what's with the, uh suitcases? Is, uh, everything okay? It was until you just asked that. Wait, did major not tell you? He said I could crash here until my new place is ready. He did not. Uh, but you know, hey, (stammers) you're welcome here, you know. That's sweet. Thank you. Well. I'm starving. So, I'll just drop my suitcases And go out and grab something. -Nice to meet you, steph. -Yeah. That's the girl you used to date? Damn, playa! No, no. I'm not high-fiving that. I wasn't born yesterday. (country music plays) Hey. -Manager around? -He's holed up in the back right now. Under the weather. Something I can help you with? Follow me. It's like a nightmare come true. We're all just heartbroken about lacy. (coughs) -When did you see her last? -When she clocked out last night. I'd say, around 9:00? Did she leave with anyone? Argue with anyone? No, everyone loved lacy. I mean, she was a... She was a spitfire. Was she acting strangely at all? Well, she seemed a little frazzled about her finances. I mean, she asked for an advance on her paycheck. Maybe she owed someone some money. -You, uh, you here about little lacy? -That's right. She was my favorite. I always sat in her section. I don't know if this means anything, but last night I heard The manager, rick, and lacy hollerin' at each other. I don't know what about, but I saw her take a pot of coffee and dump it in his lap. He screamed like a stuck pig. She flew outta here. Took a tire iron to rick's taillight before she peeled out of the parking lot. (tires screech) Well, butter my butt and call it a biscuit. Richard dipalma, goes by rick. White male, maybe 5'11", red hair, medium build. Just go with this lka. When you bring him in, call me. They'll try to pick him up at home. Look at this. Bandages, ice packs, burn ointment. About that cash advance, I think we can work something out. Hmm? What? (grunts) (gasps) What'd you see? Rick, Trying to hump lacy like she was the corner of a la-z-boy. He was offering her a cash advance in return. The only action he got was an elbow in the gut. I'm guessing it pissed her off enough to pour coffee on him. She rejected him, burned the hell out of him, Humiliated him in front front of his customers. Sounds like a few good reasons you might wanna kill someone. (exhales) Two of our customers have gone missing now, chief. Two. Poof. Gone. Like it's the friggin' rich zombie rapture. Can't a guy make an honest living creating undead and selling them cadaver brains? Huh? "two's not that bad." smiley face. I appreciate the pep talk, big fella. I really do. But I don't think there's an emoji that rightfully expresses My feelings about losing 50k a month. You know? -I found gabriel. -The archangel? Gabriel cut the utopium the night of the boat party. And you're never gonna guess where he is now. I've walked through the valley of death, And it looks a lot like a crack den on third avenue. I've led myself unto temptation. Tried every drug in the book. And I can tell you, the most powerful drug you can take Is the drug called "love." And it comes from a pusher named jesus. And... That's him, that's gabriel. Does it have to be? Welcome, brothers. Have you heard the good news? -Jesus saves. -That is good news. Do you know where he shops? (groaning) What happened to "ask and ye shall receive"? That part of my life is over. Maybe we've hit you in the dome one too many times, gabe. I told you. Your formula is special. It'll cure people. Save souls. No. No. No? Chief, put him down for a nap. I see you're serving a five-year sentence for trafficking. What would you say if I told you I could get you two years shaved off of it? -In exchange for information. -I'd say tell me more. When you were arrested, you were a low-level associate in stacey boss' crew. I need everything you can tell me about mr. Boss' crime organization. No friggin' way. You could walk out in six months. Lady, I said I'm not interested. You'd be a free man tomorrow, and you still won't tell me anything? No point in being a free man if you're a dead man. So, lacy poured coffee on me last night. And I'm sorry not to have been more upfront about it. I just was trying to protect lacy's memory. I told him the right thing to do was to come in and tell the truth. She was in love with rick. Tell him. Sorry. I just got your message that rick, here, turned himself in. Ms. Moore, you know rick. This is his wife, pamela. We're just hearing about how lacy was in love with rick. Yeah, so, uh... (chuckles nervously) You know, last night she, uh... She kinda made a move, you know. And I said, "hey, I'm married and I love my wife." And she just got super mad. That's a load of bull corn and you know it. Lacy asked you for a cash advance, and you asked her for a nasty quid pro quo! She was standing right in front of that scuzzy sink in your office When you tried affixing yourself to her backside like a cheap leather chair. According to our witness. You wanna do yourself a favor, rick? Don't lie to us again. (mouthing) Okay, look. I didn't kill her. It just... It was a misunderstanding. It just was a hug that went on too long. You offered her cash for sex, rick. That's what those blisters on your crotch are about. What? -I... -You... I'm home, pregnant with your... -(yelling) -ow! -Whoa! -Honey! Ow! -Honey! Ow, ow! -Liv: That's right. Hey, watson! Some help here! Get it out, honey! Hey. He told me to say I was his alibi, but it was a lie! I don't know where he was last night. He didn't come home until midnight! -He was crazed... -What are you doing? Richard dipalma, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. Yeah, I'm looking into a moving violation for a phillip nelson from two nights ago. Can you have the officer who wrote the ticket give me a call? Thanks. Psst! Babineaux. What's with the guy burning the scented candle? Does he think he's working the front desk at the day spa? He claims it centers his chi. Who brings their chi to work? Someone's gotta stop that guy. Strong scents make me nauseous. I know people say that, but if he busts out a sandalwood, I will puke. It should smell like a real police station in here! Oh, go ask if he has a candle That smells like hookers and burned coffee. Don't think I won't. So, gimme the dirt. What do I need to know to survive and not piss people off? That I'm the person who usually pisses people off, so you should ask someone else. No, I knew you were that guy. I figured you could tell me what you do So I could do other stuff. Okay, at least tell me what the best food joint is within walking distance. -In girl shoes. -Hands down. Bob shanghai's food truck. Let's go. Mrs. Dipalma's calmed down. She's ready to give her statement. Rain check? Okay. But now you're buying. Clive: Mrs. Dipalma. I just need your full statement about last night, Then you and the baby can get some rest at home. So, last night I was home reading until around 9:30. Rick comes home shortly after 10:00. But not last night. I must've dozed off, but I woke up when he came in. Looked at the clock, It was 12:03. Did anything strike you as off about him? He was just... Weird? Anything of note with his clothes? No. He wears the same thing usually. I mean, lacy poured a pot of coffee on his lap. Oh, yeah! I smelled that as soon as he walked in. Did you notice anything about rick's shirt? Like blood? Come to think of it, there was blood on his shirt. I just thought maybe he broke up a fight at work. And, uh, how much blood would you say there was? Well, enough to notice, for sure. Mrs. Dipalma, Lacy cantrell was strangled. There was no blood. Are you aware that giving a false report of a crime is a felony? (singing country music) This is singer-songwriter night? I was thinking more like, 10 people in the audience. Tuesday night at the slow roll. Happy hour till last call. -Your name? -Olivia moore. You're up next, girlie. Oh, my god. You came! And you're a cowboy. You think the mechanical bull's in a back room somewhere? What? What's with the face? I'm sweatin' like a 10 dollar whore on nickel night. What if my voice cracks? What if in the middle of my song some redneck shouts out, "show us your hooters!" and I go into full-on zombie mode? Oh, "if, if, if." If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn't bump its bum when he jumps. (whistling and applause) Let's hear it for skip mckitrick! Please give a warm welcome to a slow roll virgin, olivia moore. Whoo! (whistles) Hi, I'm liv. This is a song that I wrote about two people that I have gotten to know recently. They love each other, Desperately, but they can't seem to stop hurting each other. ¶soyouheardfrom some folks ¶thatIain 'tbeentrue ¶I guessyoustillgetgossip intheclink ¶ithappenedononenight , Iwasfullofsoco andlime ¶whenaprettyboybought mea drink ¶andhe saiddarlin', you'retooprettytobesad ¶andIsaidmister,Ineeded tohearthatrealbad (phone ringing) -Hey,you'vereached liv'sphone. Leaveamessage. -(beeps) Liv, I had to cut rick loose. His wife was lying about him coming home late. The whole thing. Uh, excuse me? I'm sorry. Uh, my son found this. -I thought I should show someone. -Oh, of course. Cavanaugh! Can you help this lady? Yeah. On another front, sue, the ex-con/ex-boyfriend? His alibi evaporated. His buddy phil was getting ticketed for speeding in issaquah When they were supposed to be together. ¶there'sonly nightmaresaheadof us ¶andsweetdreamslong ago ¶it'stimetowake up,baby ¶it'stimeIletyougo ¶I 'vegotto letyou go¶ (cheering and applause) Ow! Thank you. Keep it going for olivia moore! ...Take a little break. So, we'll see you back here in about ten minutes. That was amazing! What do you feel right now? Clarity. I have to go see major. Oh, but... You're gonna miss me trying to convince one of these lovelies To play cowgirl and indian. (car beeps open) Hey. I just wanted to tell you that was some good playin' in there. Oh. -Thank you. -'course. Goodnight. I liked your song. I think lacy would've liked it, too. Growin' up, my dad used to tell me, "son, you could screw up a steel ball." I did that with lacy. I loved that girl. Love ain't always enough. Reporter on tv: Seven days and stillnosignofa missing bellevueman. Thirty-three-year-oldtech entrepreneurcolinandrews, waslastseen Wednesdayevening, whenhetoldhis brother Hewasgoingfor arun insewardparkwithhisdog. (doorbell rings) Hey. Twice in a week. I'm sorry. I know you want space. But that's kind of why I'm here. I realized something tonight. I just need to say it. Okay. From the moment that I met you I knew we were meant to be together. I was sure of it. It was like fate. But that was before I'd witnessed a mass murder. Before I'd eaten fresh brain, Before I'd lied to you, or let you put yourself in a mental hospital. It was before I watched you die. And it was before all this cruelty was directed back at me. Now, I don't think that space can fix what's wrong with us. We're a dream that's dead. I doubt that I will ever stop loving you, But it's over now. I gotta let you go. Completely. Forever. Perfect. Thanks for stopping by. Hey! Stop! I'm coming here like an adult, trying to talk to you. How can you be this cold to me? Who exactly am I being cold to? Huh? Whose brain did you eat this week? Oh, this is all me! And in case you've forgotten, I didn't ask for this. I went to a party because you told me I should. I woke up on a shore craving brains. And next thing I know, I've cracked this corpse's head open... How could I bring that home to you? How could I be your wife? I had become a monster. And I was confused, and I was dangerous. Every decision that I made last year, I made trying to protect you from my new reality. I know that in your eyes I screwed up badly somewhere along the line. But I did the best I could. You know, I just... I keep asking you for some space, And every time I turn around, here you are. Why are you doing this? Doing what? Making me doubt the only thing in my life that I was sure was real. (video game sounds) Major. Major! Where's the dog? Uh, he was just right here. Well, the back door's wide open and he's not here now. I even shook his bag of snick snacks and still, no dog. Yeah. He'll be back. He's uh... Probably just... What? Down at the corner bodega picking up some munchies? Well, let's go! We need to find the dog! Yeah, okay. Jesus rose from the dead. That doesn't make him a zombie if he doesn't eat brains. Dude, that body of christ stuff, that was for his disciples to eat. I don't know what you qualify as when you make other people eat you. Narcissistic. Let's check in on our man of the cloth before I head out, huh? (muffled breathing) And on the second day, he shared the utopium recipe, right? I'll die first. I'll tell you what. I'll get you halfway there. Chief? What? No! No! (whimpering) Wait! Wait! No! Wait a second! He's gonna be a fresh, angry zombie soon. You'll want to use a few more screws. So, uh... It says here you were slinging for stacey boss. But are now a local business owner. So, seeing as you're not serving time, have everything to lose And nothing to gain, I don't know what to offer you. Except, The peace of mind you'd have serving your community If you told me anything you know about stacey boss. Peace of mind. Can't put a price tag on that. Stacey imports his utopium from hong kong. It's hidden in shipments of scrap copper. The shipments come bimonthly into a port at terminal 18. And in regards to what you can offer me? I would like to discuss immunity for the crimes I'm about to admit to. So, jiang jin is boss' lieutenant, And specifically, he's the gatekeeper for hong kong. But with jiang and his son aj both in prison, then who's running the jin empire? That, I don't know. But if jin's operation was in some way compromised, Boss' supply out of hong kong would be compromised. You are really saving my ass here. (chuckles) You'll tell the press that it was my savvy interrogation That got you to cooperate, right? (laughs) "she exuded a power that compelled me to talk. I was helpless to resist." You sure you don't want anything? Wine is all I need. What was I saying? -You went all hell hath no fury on major. -Yeah. Something snapped in me. I unloaded on him. I was just tired of living in the doghouse, you know? No, I get it, it's time. But for what it's worth, the guy walking around claiming to be major Doesn't seem at all like the major I remember. (door opens) Gilda! -Hi. -Want some tom yum soup? I ordered it extra-spicy. Thanks, but, uh, new diet. No eating after 6:00. (softly) unless it's a whisky sour. I don't know about this gilda chick, with the Legs and the hair, and the hard liquor dinners. -Think maybe a background check is in order. -Ooh, I like you jealous. Keeps you from phoning it in with me. Or focusing too much of your energy on boys. Yuck. Boys. Not to worry. I'm currently a free agent. Actually, I met someone interesting at work today. I think you'd like him. (drilling) He is risen. You feeling peckish? Hmm? Oh. Oh, oh, oh. (chuckles) Nice work, chief. Last chance, preach. Tell me what you cut the utopium with, and I will feed you and cure you. You give me what I want and you shall be healed! God is testing me. (laughs) right. Out! Foul demon! Enjoy your 40 days in the wilderness. Come back when you have a different answer for me. Hey! I didn't listen to your voicemail about sue until this morning. I actually ran into him last night at the slow roll. -You what? -I think sue's just a prickly pear. Soft and sweet on the inside? I don't see him killing lacy. -You were out working the case? -I was on stage. Singing. -And sue was a gentleman. -He lied about his alibi, liv. -I mean, I can't... -(laughing) (applause) Oh, someone hit big on the scratch-off? No, that lady who came in last night? Brought in the gun from that convenience store job in queen anne. Ballistics just confirmed it. She said her kid found it in some bushes up by evergreen manor? -Congrats. -Thanks. Wait a sec. Where'd you say the kid found it? Thank god. Where'd you find him? On a lost pet message board. A jogger found him wandering around a park, posted a... -Which park? -Uh... Seward park. I mean, why does that matter? No, uh... It doesn't, I guess. I, uh... Not in the grand scheme. What is going on with you, man? When I came in yesterday, you couldn't respond to your own name, You couldn't remember when you'd last seen minor. I'm starting to wonder whether you can take care of yourself, let alone an animal. Look, it was just a bad day is all. All right? I'll get myself together. Cool. You do that. Oh. Next time you decide to invite an ex of mine to live with us, Give us a heads up first, will you? Cheers. Come on, minor. Looking to score a couple of u bombs. Major? (laughing) Yo, stubs! Get me a coupla brain busters on the house for this cat. We go way back to helton shelter. This dude was trying to keep us off drugs! (laughs) Privilege drop, bro! (continues laughing) (snickers) (phone vibrates) Clive: After you shot the sack pack clerk in queen anne, you were on foot. You made it all the way to evergreen manor, Where you ditched the gun in some bushes. Police choppers were in the air with spotlights so, You ducked into the first unlocked house you could find. Lacy cantrell's. She comes home, so you hide in her closet. My guess is she heard something, Went to check it out, and discovered you. You panicked and choked her to death. We found pantyhose on her closet floor, The same ones you wore on your head in the robbery. Your dna's gonna be all over them. You already confessed to one murder. Do a good thing and give lacy's family some closure. So, that's it? Lacy was just in the wrong place at the wrong time? It happens. Try not to dwell on it. It'll make you crazy. Liv: Yeah, no kidding it'llmakeyoucrazy. (playing badly) Youspendyourlife ina comfortabledreamstate believingindestiny. Thenrealitysnapsyou awake likea kickin theteeth. Badthingshappenasoften asgoodthings. Peoplewhothinkthey'remeant tobetogether,aren't. Turnsoutwe 'renothing morethanchemicals hurtlingthroughspace, Haphazardlybouncing offeachother. (knocking on door) Feelingstupidwe everbelievedtherewas somegrandplan. I need help. Ana, take my car. I gave you the recorder, right? Oh, yes. And you have all the questions? Yes. And you know where you're going? Yes, I do have a GPS. And a 4.0 GPA. I can figure it out. Are you wearing that? Okay, maybe a little less talking, more eating. How about that? Wow. Miss Kavanagh? May I take your coat? Oh. Yeah. Um... She's... Okay, so... Mr. Grey will see you now. Okay. This way, please. - Okay - Mr. Grey has a conference call at 11:15. Right this way. Miss Kavanagh. Are you all right? Christian Grey. I'm Anastasia Steele. Um, Miss Kavanagh has the flu, so she asked me to fill in. I see. So, you're studying journalism as well. No, English Lit. Urn... Kate's my roommate. As I said, I only have 10 minutes. Please, have a seat, Miss Steele. Okay. Thank you. Ready? Whenever you are. Okay. Urn... So, this is for the special graduation issue of the student newspaper. Yes, I'm giving the commencement address at this year's ceremony. You are? Imean, urn... I know. Uh... "You are very young to have amassed such an empire." "To what do you owe your..." To what do I owe my success? Yep. Seriously? Yes. Business is about people. And I've always been good at people. What motivates them, what incentivizes them, what inspires them. Um, maybe you're just lucky. I've always found that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. The key to my success has been in identifying talented individuals and harnessing their efforts. So, you're a control freak? Oh, I exercise control in all things, Miss Steele. Okay. Urn... "Your company is involved primarily" "in the telecommunications sector," "yet you also invest in numerous agricultural projects," "including several in Africa." "Is that something that you feel passionate about?" "Feeding the world's poor?" It's smart business. You don't agree? I don't know enough about it. I just wonder if perhaps your heart might be a bit bigger than you want to let on? There are some people who say that I don't have a heart at all. Why would they say that? Because they know me well. Go on. Um... "Do you have any interests outside of work?" I enjoy various physical pursuits. You're unmarried. Oh. You were adopted at age four. That's a matter of public record. I'm sorry, I didn't... Do you have an actual question, Miss Steele? Yeah, sorry. "Are you gay?" It's written here, I'm just... No, Anastasia. I'm not gay. I apologize, Mr. Grey. Kate can be a little... Intrusive? Curious. What about you? Why don't you ask me something that you want to know? Earlier, you said that there are some people who know you well. Why do I get the feeling that, that is not true? Mr. Grey, your next meeting is in the conference room. Cancel, please. We're not finished here. Yes, sir. No... I'm... I can go. It's fine. I would like to know more about you. There's really not much to know about me. You said you're an English major? Tell me, was it Charlotte Bronté, Jane Austen, or Thomas Hardy who first made you faHinlove with literature? Hardy. I would have guessed Jane Austen. What are your plans after you graduate? I'm just trying to get through finals right now. And then? And then I was planning on moving here, to Seattle, with Kate. We offer an excellent internship program. I don't think I'd fit in here. Look at me. I am. I hope you got everything you needed. I... I think you only answered four questions. Anastasia. Christian. Holy cow. Urn... Before you say anything... You're a goddess. This is perfect. What? I just got his e-mail. He answered every question. So, what was he like? Urn... He was fine. "Fine"? Just fine? Um, he was really polite, and he was courteous, and very formal, and clean. "Clean"? I mean, he was very smart. And intense. It was kind of intimidating. I can understand the fascination. Uh-huh. Why are you looking at me like that? Like what? Okay. I'm gonna make a sandwich. Do you want one? No, thanks. You have to admit, he's ridiculously hot. I'm sure if you are attracted to that sort of human, then... The hot type of human? I asked him if he was gay. That was in your questions. Why would you do that to me? Because whenever he's in the society pages, he's never been photographed with a woman. So, naturally... Well, maybe he just wants to keep his private life private, Kate. And now you're defending him. I'm terminating this conversation. Too bad we don't have some original stills of your hot, clean 27-year-old billionaire. The camera loves him almost as much as you do. Okay, I wasn't hungry, but now I am. Thank you. I love you. "I declared I could not change," "yet you tell me to my face" "I shall change soon." "And what a distortion in yourjudgment," "what a perversity in your ideas..." Ana. I've been looking for you. What's up? - Guess what. - What? Portland Place is going to exhibit my photographs next month. Oh, my God. Congratulations! That's so good! Solo show, corazén. Can we celebrate later? Because I'm really late for work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got it. But, um... Hold on. Thank you. You're my hero. I'll see you later. Okay. Mom, I'm at work. Can I call you back? Oh, no, wait. I called for a reason. Bob broke his foot playing golf, of all things. God. Is he okay? Is he in a lot of pain? Who can tell with the man? He calls the paramedics for a blister. It means, though, we won't be able to fly in for graduation. Really? You don't wanna just come alone? You don't have to bring Bob. Ah. And leave Tiger Woods to fend for himself? You do understand. Don't you, darling? Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. Um, I really have to go, okay? I love you, Ana. I know. I love you, too. Oh, God. Ana. Could you give me a hand out back? Uh, yeah. I'll be right there. I thought it was you. What the... What a pleasant surprise, Miss Steele. Just "Ana." Just "Ana." You're in here. I was in the area on business. I needed to pick up a few things. Are you free? Yeah. What can I help you with? Do you stock cable ties? Cable ties, yes. We do. I can show you, if you want. Please lead the way, Miss Steele. Just "Ana." Is that it? Masking tape. Are you redecorating? No. Um, we have two-inch and one-inch. But the truly self-respecting handyman will have both in his toolbox. - Of course he will. - Mmm-hmm. It's rare to find a connoisseur these days. Do you want anything else? Yes. Rope. That's impressive. Are you a Girl Scout? Urn, no. Organized group activities aren't really my thing. So what is your "thing"? Urn... I don't know. Books? Okay. Rope, tape, cable ties. You're the complete serial killer. Not today. Anything else? What would you recommend? For a do-it-yourself er? Um... Maybe coveralls, so you protect your clothes. I could just take all my clothes off. Okay. No clothes. I mean, no coveralls. I can't think of anything else. Well, I guess that's it, then. Cool. Thank you for answering Kate's questions, by the way. She was thrilled. I hope she's feeling better. She is, yeah, much. She's just having a hard time clearing a photo of you, I think. If she'd like an original, I'm around tomorrow. You'd be willing to do that? Yeah. Want me to bag for you, Ana? Oh. Uh, no, I'm good. Thanks, though, Paul. Okay. I'm staying locally at the Heathman. Call me before 10:00. About the photos. Oh. Yeah, I will. enjoy your... Thanks again for doing this, Mr. Grey. I'm happy to help. Uh, how about we try a few with a smile? Or not. You do realize that he hasn't stopped looking at you. He asked me to go for coffee afterwards. What? Kate, shh. So, is he your boyfriend? Who? The photographer. José? No. I saw the way he was smiling at you. No, José is more like family. He's not my boyfriend. And the guy at the store? Paul? No. Thank you. You seem nervous. I find you intimidating. You should. Eat. Not to mention high-handed. I'm used to getting my own way. That must get very boring. Tell me about your family. My family? Um... Okay. My dad died when I was a baby. So, I was raised by my stepfather, Ray. He's amazing. And your mother? Um, my mother is on husband number four. She's an incurable romantic. Are you? Am I a romantic? Well, I study English Lit. So, I kind of have to be. I thought the photo shoot went well. Right? Kate seems to be really... I'm sorry, I can't... What? I'll walk you out. Do you have a girlfriend? Is that it? I don't do the girlfriend thing. - What does that even... - Watch it! I'm not the man for you. You should steer clear of me. I have to let you go. Goodbye, Mr. Grey. All right, pencils down. Please take your final exams to the back of the classroom. Final grades will be posted in two weeks. Hey. You all good? Yeah. Why wouldn't I be? We are so partying tonight. On, my God. This is way too much. No, this is exactly the right amount. You're getting it all over my face. That's the idea. Wow. No, Kate. Cab's early. Let's go. Ana, it's a package for you. "Why didn't you tell me there was danger?" "Why didn't you warn me?" "Ladies know what to guard against" "because they read novels that tell them of these tricks." That's a quote from Tess of the D'Urbervilles. Oh, my God. These must be from Christian. Do you... I mean... These are incredible. Wow, Grey. Kate, these are first editions. I can't. This is too much. I can't accept these. I have to send them back. That's the cab. Okay, are you ready? Are you ready to go? Yes. Yes, very. Let's get out of here. - Shots first... - Shots, shots, shots! Hold on. Nobody hold back, either. Did you do it all? All right. With my eyes closed and left-handed, I can get this in. - What? - Ready? - I gotta pee. - Okay. - Where you going? - I gotta go. I gotta pee. Anastasia? Yeah, this is me. I'm sending back your expensive books, because I already have copies of those. Thanks, though, for the kind gesture. You're welcome. Where are you? I'm in line, because I have to pee really bad. Anastasia, have you been drinking? Yeah. I have, Mr. Fancy Pants. You hit the hail on the nead. I mean, the head right on the nail. Listen to me. I want you to go home right now. You're so bossy. "Ana, let's go for coffee." "Ana, let's go for coffee." "No, stay away from me, Ana." "I don't want you. Get away." "Come here, come here." "Go away." That's it. Tell me where you are. I'm a long way from Seattle. A long way from you. Which bar? What's it called? I don't know. I gotta go, though. Which bar, Ana? I told him. Right? I'm sorry, I didn't... Stay where you are. I'm coming to get you. What? Hello? Hey. Oh, thanks. You okay? Yeah. I'm just a little bit more drunk than... Come here, stay warm. Oh, it's cool. I'm good, José. I got it. I don't know when I'll have the courage to do this. Do what? - Ana. I like you. - No. - You do? - Very much. Oh, my God. Please. One kiss. No, no, no. José, I don't... I'm sorry, no. Dude, she said no! Christian? - Don't look at me. Ugh. - Here. N ice touch. I will launder this item. Let's get you home. I'm with Kate. I'll have Elliot tell her. Who's Elliot? He's my brother. He's inside, talking to her right now. How... I don't... He was at my hotel with me. You're still at the Heathman? Yeah. Come. That's your brother? Not by choice. Let's go. Wait, what did Kate say? She warned me to be on my best behavior. More like threatened me. She threatened you? You're spinning. I think I'm gonna faint. What? Now? Good morning, Anastasia. How are you feeling? Better than I deserve. Did you put me to bed? Mmm-hmm. You undressed me? I didn't have much choice. Where did you sleep? Oh, my God. Did we? We didn't... Necrophilia is not my thing. So we just slept, then? It was a novelty for me, too. You need to eat. I had Taylor pick you up some clothes. Who's Taylor? My driver. Thank you, but you didn't have to do that. Yes, I did. Yours were covered in vomit. You shouldn't get drunk like that. I'm all for testing the limits, but you put yourself at risk last night. I know. If you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. What? I gotta go take a shower. Why am I here, Christian? You're here because I'm incapable of leaving you alone. Then don't. Why did you send me those books? I thought I owed you an apology. For what? For letting you believe that I... Listen to me. I don't do romance. My tastes are very singular. You wouldn't understand. Enlighten me, then. You look beautiful. Taylor has good taste. What are you doing later? I'm working at the hardware store until 7:00. I'll have Taylor pick you up then. I would like to bite that lip. I think I'd like that, too. I'm not gonna touch you. Not until I have your written consent. What? I'll explain later. Come, I'll take you home. Fuck the paperwork. As I was saying... What is it about elevators? Hey. Hi. You must be Ana. You must be Elliot. And we must be going. Elliot... So awesome to meet you. Kate's told me a lot about you. Elliot, find your shoes. Some of us have work to attend to. What you're doing with Mr. Warmth here, I have no idea. Laters, baby. I'll see you tonight. E-mail me if something changes. My computer's broken. Call, then. I know you have my number. Laters, baby. Elliot seems like a really nice guy. Uh-uh. No, no. We're starting with you. If you're seeing him again tonight, that means that something happened. - Ana. - Mmm-hmm. Ana, you have to tell me what happened. I have to get ready for work. We just kissed. Once. Only once? That's odd. Mmm. "Odd" doesn't even cover it. Uh-huh. And a new jacket. Hmm. Bye. Hi. It's Taylor, right? Good evening, Miss Steele. Mr. Grey will be joining us there. Good evening, Anastasia. Wait. You're flying this? No escaping now. November 1-2-2-4. Charlie Tango, ready to depart. Roger that Charlie Tango. Your flight plan from Portland to Seattle is cleared. Seattle? That's where we're going? Would you like a drink? Yes, please. Wow. Do you play? Yes. Of course you do. What's this? It's a non-disclosure agreement. It means that you cannot discuss anything about us with anyone. I'm afraid my lawyer insists on it. I'd never talk to anyone about us, anyway. Are you gonna make love to me now? Two things. First, I don't make love. I fuck. Hard. And the second thing? Come. It's just beyond this door. What is? My play room. Like your Xbox and stuff? It's important that you know you can leave at any time. Why? What's in there? I meant what I said. The helicopter's on standby to take you whenever you wanna go. Christian, just open the door. Oh, my God. It's called a flogger. Say something, please. Do women do this to you? Or do you... No, I do this to women. With women. Women who want me to. You're a sadist? I'm a dominant. What does that mean? It means I want you to willingly surrender yourself to me. Why would I do that? To please me. To please you? How? I have rules. If you follow them, I'll reward you. If you don't, I'll punish you. You'll punish me... Like, you'd use this stuff on me? Yes. What would I get out of this? Me. If we were to do this, this would be your room. You can decorate it however you like. You want me to move in? Not full time. Just Friday through to Sunday. We can negotiate the particulars. So, uh... So, I'd sleep in here with you? No. I'd be downstairs. I told you, I don't sleep with anyone. What if I don't want anything to do with that? I would understand completely. But then we wouldn't have any sort of relationship at all? This is the only sort of relationship I have. Why? It's the way I am. When you said "negotiate," what did you mean? I already have a contract prepared. It's fairly detailed. You would review it, and we would negotiate what you are and are not willing to try. How could I know what I'd be willing to try? Well, when you've had sex was there anything that you didn't like doing? We have to be honest with each other for this to work, okay? I wouldn't know. What do you mean? Because I haven't... You're still a virgin? I have just shown you... I know. I just... You've done other things, right? No. Where have you been? Waiting. Men must throw themselves at you. Never one I've wanted. You're biting your lip. What are you doing? Rectifying the situation. I'm a situation? Mmm. You're energetic this morning. You hungry? Very. Because I'm making pancakes. Let's get you cleaned up. Do you trust me? Stay here. Hold out your wrists. Hold them there. You understand? Tell me you understand. I won't move my arms. Good girl. Stay still. Okay. Yes To what? To being mine. No need to announce me. Christian! - Shit. - What? It's my mother. - I'm naked. - Get dressed. And there's no need to show me around. And there's no need to hover. He's still sleeping, Dr. Grey. He's still sleeping? But he never sleeps in. Certainly not at this hour. Unless, of course, he's ill. Is he... Ah. Sorry, Mr. Grey. It's fine. I know how she can be. "She"? Well, if you're trying to avoid me, the very least you can do is call me by my correct name, which would be "Mum." Hi. Oh. Dear God. Mother, Anastasia Steele. Ana, meet my mother, Dr. Grace Trevelyan Grey. You have no idea how delighted I am to meet you. It's nice to meet you, too, Dr. Grey. "Grace." She's very pretty. You're very pretty. - Thank you. - Mmm-hmm. So, what happened to calling before dropping by? And have your henchmen give me the runaround? No, thank you. I'll take my chances. Anyway, I was in the neighborhood, and I thought perhaps we could have lunch. I can't today. I have to drive Ana home. It's okay. Take it. I was just showing Mother out. Excuse me. - Anastasia... - Kate, hold on. It was a joy to meet you. And I'm having the whole family for dinner next week at my house. Christian's sister, Mia, is back from Paris. You must come. We'll see, Mother. Nice to meet you. You, too. Thank you. I can't talk about it right now, Kate. I gotta go. I'll call you back, okay? Everything okay with the phone call? Yeah. Nothing important. I liked your morn. She's excited. She's never seen me with a woman before. It was a first. What is it, Ana? Urn... I just... How many women have stayed in here? Fifteen. That's a lot of women. I told you before, if you want out... I don't want out. I just... I'm not exactly jumping at the opportunity to get whipped and tortured in your red room of pain. That room is much more about pleasure. Promise you. Would we still go out to dinner and movies? That's not really my thing. Try to keep an open mind. If you agree to be my submissive, I will be devoted to you. This is what I want. And I want it with you. Why do I have to sleep in here? We slept in the same bed last night. Like normal people. Try not to get hung up on the sleeping arrangements. If you agree to do this, you're gonna want your own room. Why, because I'll be your sex slave? I don't wanna do this here. Let's talk downstairs. No. You know what? I think I'll hold on to my free will a little while longer, thank you. Actually, you know what? I would like to go home. Can I go home? Which one's yours? All of them. Let's go for a walk. How did you start doing this? One of my mother's friends. I was 15. She seduced you? I was her submissive for six years. Seriously? Does your mother know that? Of course not. No one in my family knows about this part of me. So, she introduced you to all this? Mrs. Robinson? "Mrs. Robinson." I'll tell her you said that. She'll love it. You still talk to her? On occasion. We're friends. Ana. I know how intimidating this is. I felt the same at first. Well, what changed your mind? By giving up control, I felt free. From responsibility, from making decisions. I felt safe. You will, too, you'll see. I've never taken anyone in the helicopter. I've never had sex in my own bed. I've never slept next to anyone. Ever. Only you. This is the contract. Read it carefully. E-mail me if you have any questions. I told you, my computer's down. Just consider it, okay? I really hope you say yes. Thanks for the ride. Laters, baby. Urn... Okay, you're all set. Your roommate let me in. I just figured that you forgot to tell me about it. Do I look okay? Tell you about what? Just sign here. Hold on. Do you have the right apartment? Anastasia Steele? Enjoy. Another gift, huh? Whatever happened to flowers and chocolates? I'm dying to hear everything. But I have to run right now, because Elliot and I are having dinner and then we're going to see a show at The Gorge. José called for you. Twice, by the way. Did the mail already come? Oh. Um, no, this is... These are my thesis notes. I left them at school. Oh. All right. Well, there's yesterday's mail. What? I don't know. You look different. I feel different. Of course you do. Okay. Okay. Bye! The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow the Submissive to explore her sensuality and her limits safely. The Dominant and Submissive agree and acknowledge that all that occurs under the terms of this contract will be consensual, confidential, and subject to the agreed limits and safety procedures set out in this contract. The Submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant, excepting those activities outlined in Hard Limits- ...so much. Thank you. The Submissive will not drink to excess, smoke, or take recreational drugs, or put her person into any unnecessary risk. The Submissive will not enter into sexual relations with anyone other than the Dominant. The Submissive agrees to procure oral contraception from a physician of the Dominant's choosing. The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and well-being from a prescribed list of foods. Appendix Four. The Submissive will obey any instruction given by the Dominant. She will do so eagerly and without hesitation. The Submissive may not touch the Dominant without his expressed permission to do so. The Submissive shall always conduct herself in a respectful manner to the Dominant, and she'll address him only as "Sir", "Mr. Grey"... or such other title as the Dominant may direct. The Dominant may flog, spank, whip, or corporaiiy punish the Submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of discipline or for his personal enjoyment. The safeword "Yellow" will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive is close to her limit. When the safeword "Red" is spoken, the Dominanfs action will cease completely and immediately. Does the Submissive consent to being restrained with hands bound in front? Does the Submissive consent to being blindfolded? Does the Submissive consent to being gagged? How much pain is the Submissive willing to experience? Christian. It's been "nice" knowing me, has it? Let me remind you how "nice" it was. Is this what you want? Don't make a sound. Was this "nice"? That was really nice. What are you doing to me? What about here? Why not? Is it breaking the rules? Speaking of which... I haven't made up my mind yet. You're not staying? I told you, I don't sleep with anyone. Well, can we negotiate? Now, that's a hell of a sack, Miss Steele. Business meeting. Impressive. I've done this before. Business meetings, I mean. Oh. - Miss Steele. - Hmm? Your meeting. Page one. Strike out my old address and replace with the new one. An oversight. Duly noted. Page three, section 1520. "The Submissive shall submit to any" "sexual activity demanded by the Dominant" "and shall do so without hesitation or argument." Uh, turn to page five. Appendix Three, "Soft Limits." With you. Find "anal fisting." I'm all ears. Strike it out. Strike out "vaginal fisting," too. Are you sure? Yep. Same page, "Is the use of sex toys acceptable to the Submissive?" - Vibrators, okay. - Dildos, fine. Genital clamps? Absolutely not. Consider them gone. What are butt plugs? You must go through quite a few non-disclosure agreements. My staff know only what I choose to tell them. Please resume, Miss Steele. Also on page five, there are some terms which need clarification. "Suspension"? Hanging on ropes from the ceiling. For what possible reason? For your pleasure. Really? And mine. Something to consider. No. Hard limit. I'm good with rope, leather cuffs, handcuffs. Please lose "tape." And what's "Other"? Cable ties. Can I just say how impressed I am with your commitment to this meeting? And in that spirit, I'm gonna throw in a sweetener. How about once a week, on a night of your choosing, we go on a date? Just like a regular couple. Dinner, movie, ice skating. Whatever you want. Accepted. You're very kind. I'll suggest it in Appendix Five. I would like to fuck you into the middle of next week. You're not fighting fair. I never have. I'll review all these changes and try to arrive at a decision. You wanna leave? Yes. But your body tells me something different. Your legs, for instance. The way you're pressing your thighs together under the table. And the change in your breathing. And in your complexion. My complexion? You're flushed. That could just be the wine. It's the adrenaline. Say I did stay. What would happen? First. I would help you out of that little dress of yours. Yes. And I'd be pleased to discover that you're naked underneath. Really? Then I would bend you over. Right here? Yes. On this table? Yes. Thank you for the meeting, Mr. Grey. This is me. Didn't know I was a collector of classic cars, huh? You sure I can't persuade you to stay? Good night, Christian. When will you know? Soon, maybe. Why do I think you're telling me goodbye? Because I'm leaving. You got your valedictory speech ready? Oh, more or less. Annie! Dad! Hi! Sorry I'm late. I had a hell of a time parking. That's okay. You're here, that's all that matters. You kidding me? I wouldn't miss this for the world. I saved you a seat next to Kate's parents. Anywhere you want me, sweetheart. - Okay, I'll see you after. - Yeah. Good luck up there. And he's also a major benefactor to our university. Please join me in welcoming Mr. Christian Grey. Thank you. I am deeply moved by the great compliment accorded to me today. He is so hot. Oh, God. He so is. I heard he's gay. The goal? To help eradicate hunger and poverty across the globe. I myself have known what it's like to be profoundly hungry. So this is a very personal mission for me. Megan Soliah. Anastasia Steele. Nancy Hines. Congratulations. You should be very proud. I am. Nice tie, by the way. It's recently become my favorite. Do you have your answer yet? I'm still thinking. Anastasia, just try it my way. Please. Okay. What? - Congratulations. - Thank you. We did it, we did it, we did it! Dad! Hi. I am so proud of you, Annie. Thank you. And, Kate, best Valedictorian speech ever. - Oh, thank you. - It was awesome. - Yeah. It was gr-- - Ana. Hi. Hi. Ray, have you met Christian Grey, Ana's boyfriend? Hi. Great pleasure to meet you. Likewise. I really enjoyed your speech. Thank you, sir. Sounds like you have accomplished some pretty impressive things. - I'll say. - Thank you. Well, I'm gonna go find my family who've been patiently waiting to embarrass me. Bye. Come see us in Seattle, okay? Yeah, as soon as I get an invitation. So, how long have you two known each other? - Um... Mmm-hmm. - A few weeks, now. We actually met when Anastasia interviewed me for the student newspaper. Uh, picture, please, Mr. Grey? Excuse us a moment. Big smile, now. To celebrate your graduation, among other things. Roll your eyes at me again and I will take you across my knee. Oh. So it begins. - Mmm... - Come on. I havesomething to show you. What? That's cute. Doesn't really seem like your style, though. It's not. Happy graduation, Anastasia. Oh, my God. Christian, that's a car. You don't miss much, do you? Thank you, but I can't... Do you like it? Of course I like it. It's beautiful. But I have a car. Where's my car? I told Taylor to fetch a decent price. Oh, Christian, this is way too much. Did you just roll your eyes at me? Oh! Do you know why I'm doing this? Because I rolled my eyes. And is that polite? No. Excuse me? No, sir. Do you want more? Welcome to my world. What are you doing? I have a few things at the office that require my attention. You okay? I just thought that... I enjoyed tonight. I'll see you at my place tomorrow. Hi, Momma. Anastasia, what's going on? I have left you two messages this week. I know. I'm sorry. I just got a little distracted. Sorry I missed your graduation, honey. I heard it was lovely. And your new beau? Ray told me all about him. He sounds like quite the young man. Of course, I would have preferred to have heard about him from you. Ana? What's the matter? Nothing. I'm fine. Is he not making you happy? He is, yeah. Most of the time, yeah. It's complicated. Listen, honey, if you need a break, you just come right on down here. Even if it's for a day or two. I have air miles, and we could talk and have girl time. Promise me you'll think about it. Yeah, I promise. I promise. I love you, Momma. I love you, too, darling. I gotta go. Bye. Looks like you and Grey did some celebrating last night. Is he still asleep? Uh... No, he couldn't stay. Whose car keys are those, then? Those are my keys. Wow, Ana. What? Nothing. I just... Make sure you're taking it at your own pace, okay? I am, I am. I gotta go. Where are you going? Look at this. I've seen it. It's not a bad picture. "Christian Grey with friend." it says we're friends. Well, it must be true if it's in the paper. Mmm. So, how'd it go with Dr. Greene? It was fine. But she said that I have to abstain from all sexual activity for at least four weeks. You know, after I start the pill. What? Just kidding. I wanna take you to my play room. But I haven't signed the contract. I'm well aware. Call it due diligence. Okay. You ready? Eyes down. Take off your shoes. Arms above your head. You have a beautiful body, Anastasia. I want you unashamed ofyournakedness. Do you understand? Yes, sir. You're biting your lip. You know what that does to me. Turn around. When I tell you to come into this room, this is how you'll be. You'll wait for me, kneeling by the door. Do it now. Hands flat on your thighs. Good. Hold out your hand. Did that hurt? No. You see? Most of your fear is in your head. Come. How does it feel? Good, sir. Mmm. Quiet. Where are we going? Remember my mother mentioned dinner? My sister Mia's in town. Yeah. You got everything you need? Yeah. Dance with me. Good evening, Mr. Grey. They're here. You're here. Welcome, welcome. Ana, Mother, you've met. Hi. Good to see you. Come on in. And this is my father, Garrick. Hi, pleasure to meet you. Nice to meet you. Is she here? You are the subject of some speculation. Oh, my God, you exist! It's a great apartment, and the rent's not ridiculous. Elliot and José helped us move in. José is Ana's friend. Although, I think that Elliot's trying to poach him. They've sparked quite the bromance. He's a cool guy. Ana, where is your family from? My stepfather lives in Montesano, and my mom's in Georgia. Georgia? Which part? Savannah. How nice. Although, I do hear it gets rather humid in Georgia this time of year. Oh, my God, it does. It's stifling sometimes. Actually, I'm going to visit her tomorrow. - Oh, how nice. - Mmm-hmm. You hear that, Christian? Some children do visit their parents now and again. Hey, Dad, you catch the Mariners game? Uh, I heard it went to extra innings. Ugh. Seattle baseball... This is news to me. When were you gonna tell me? Who wants coffee? Actually, I promised Ana a tour of the grounds. Excuse us. Christian, I cannot walk that fast in these shoes. Oh. When were you gonna tell me about Georgia? What? You have no right to be mad. Yeah, but I am mad. Palm-twitchingly mad. Ow! You're mine. All mine, you understand? Christian, you are so confusing. Ana. What do you want? What do you want? I want you. I'm trying, Christian. I know you are. Why can't we sleep in the same bed? Why won't you let me touch you? Why does it have to be like this? If you would just sign the contract, you wouldn't have to think about... Why do you care so much about the contract, Christian? Don't you like me the way I am? Of course I do. Then why are you trying to change me? I'm not. It's... I need more. I want more. Hearts and flowers? That's not something I know. Ana, please. It's you that's changing me. Let me touch you. Let me. Are they burns? I had a rough start in life. That's all you need to know. Okay. The woman that gave birth to me was a crack addict and a prostitute. She died when I was four. I remember certain things. Terrible things. But I don't remember her. But sometimes, I think I see her in my dreams. Mmm. Do you really have to go to Georgia? Yeah, I really do. Good morning. 12-H is down to your right. Good morning. 2-B, oh it's just right here. Oh! No, I'm supposed to be in coach. Oh, you must have been upgraded. Good morning. 12-A just down to your right. Good morning. Oh. Gazpacho is very healthy, Bob. You'll get fat with all this sitting around. You tell him, Ana. I'm not gonna tell him that. Yes, thank you, Ana. I'm just saying that gazpacho is basically eating a bowl of salsa. You should hand me some chips with my bowl of salsa here. You can have a carrot. What are you getting at with this? You are damn lucky that I just happen to love you very much. I know that. - Do you? - Mmm, I do. Oh, darling, I think we should pace ourselves. Or at least order something to eat. You go ahead. I'm not very hungry. Oh. I'll just have the fruit salad. He can wait. Mom... Holy fuck. What? What is it? It's Christian. He's here. Um, in Georgia. Oh. "Here" here. Mrs. Adams. Delighted to meet you. Something to drink, sir? Gin and tonic. Hendrick's, if you have it. Otherwise, Bombay Sapphire. Cucumber with the Hendrick's, lime with the Bombay. I like him already. What are you doing here, Christian? I came to see you. I'm gonna step outside for a bit. I broke rule seven, clause five. Here. We'll let it go. Let's not talk about the contract right now. How was your dinner? She's a friend. That's all. She's a child abuser. I confide in her. She knows me. What did she advise you to do? Well, I'm here. And now what? I've got a room in this hotel. Well, I hope you'll be comfortable in it. What are you doing for breakfast tomorrow? Where are we going? It's a surprise. I think I've reached my quota of surprises. We're almost there. Mr. Grey. Hey. I'll be your tow pilot. How do you do? This is my girlfriend, Anastasia Steele. We're at 3,000 feet. Y'all ready? Well? Yeah, do it. Release. Hold on tight. Is this more? Oh, my God. So much more! Oh my god that was incredible, Christian. Thank you. We aim to please, Miss Steele. And you said you didn't do romance. I don't. - Ana. - Mmm. What? What? Why are you fighting this? What are you afraid of? Grey. What? When? Tell Stephan to have the plane ready. I'll be on the tarmac in 30 minutes. What happened? I have to go back to Seattle. Come, I'll take you home. Oh, sweetheart. I wish Christian could have stayed. Bob was really looking forward to meeting him. I know. He had to get back to Seattle, though. There was some situation at work. I wish I could tell you that things get easier, but they don't. You just get to know yourself better. Thank you for everything, Momma. Take care of yourself, sweetheart. I will. Did you think I wouldn't recognize you, Taylor? How does he seem today, Taylor? Preoccupied, I'm afraid. Really? Yes, ma'am. Well, that's not gonna work. When? Well, then, tell them that they don't have 24 hours. That is unacceptable. I need to know. Just keep me informed. Is everything okay? Nothing that concerns you. I can leave. Do you want me to go? No. No, that's the last thing I want. I want you to be in the play room in 15 minutes. What are your safewords? "Red" and "Yellow." Remember those. Mmm. It sounds so sad. Everything you play is so sad. You said you were six when you learned. Was it because you wanted to please your new family? I just wanna talk. Why won't you let me in? We should be talking. Like normal people? Yeah. Is that so wrong? Is this because of the contract, because I still haven't signed it? Fuck the contract. I think it's a little redundant, don't you? Aon't give that credit to God ! Baskaran is a smart guy! -My mother! Baskaran! you vanish! Aisappear ! Keep quite You mean fellow! It is not me! It is your father in law, the crook Panicker. You do not have to act big! You try to enchant girls with the gold... yourogue! Baskaran! Leave him Baskaran! Aon't hit Aon't do My mother,Jesus Christ and the saint! Wife of Hajiyar! Who is it? I am Papi, cattle broker. All are beating Hajiyar to death! Please come fast! Allah! Where is he now? Tell me fast! Where is he now? Ao not do any thing to him. Ao not do any thing to him. Allah! The wife of hajiyar is coming! Wife of hajiyar is coming! Kammi! My dear pearl! Why have you come here? If any thing happens to you I won't be alive then! Why have you stopped? You hit and die! You hit yourselves and die just for a girl! What hajiyar? Why all this quarrel? Aid n't your son Baskaran.. ..give a chain to the girl living next door? For that reason didn't the people of this place.. ..torture him? That chain is not of gold. It was gold plated, brass chain! That is why this commotion. -ls it brass? Yes it is brass! If I had given her a gold chain when she asked me for it.. ..my condition would have been worse. Had any one thought of it? Once I loved her! I wanted to marry her! That's why I gave her the chain when she asked for it. Beyond that,I have not done any mischief to any body. Panicker fabricated the fact that he has given it to her. He performed her marriage. I have no anger for Pavithran! Just because I had no wrath for him.. ..that I went for the ear piercing of their child. They said that if I pierce the ear would get wounded. They all insulted me which hurts my chest. You do not know that. Now,they have brought the chain to me to sell it, saying.. ..that,it has got as dowry. I am also a man! My heart will also ache. You come to me. I have heard it, what you have said. I agree to every thing you said. You have plated the brass chain in gold. You gave to her,as if it is a gold chain. How did the idea strike your brain to do that? Tell me. How did the idea strike your brain? Aaddy has once gave mom jewels saying that they were gold.. ..when they were really made of brass! -My God! Get started! This is gold! Without mixing any brass in it! Pure gold! [Johnny's theme playing] Ed mcmahon: from hollywood, It's the tonight show, starring johnny carson! Johnny's guest host tonight is alf. Join alf and his guests-- His holiness pope john paul ii, Dr. Joyce brothers, And joan embery of the san diego zoo. This is ed mcmahon along with tommy newsom and the nbc orchestra. And now, here's alfie! [Cheering] Thank you. Thank you. For those of you who don't know me, I'm alf, The answer to the burning question, "Who's the only nbc star with more hair than michael landon?" Yo, ed. Nice to see you. Welcome to the tonight show, alf. Ed was missing last week. So the cops put his picture on a 6-Pack of budweiser. Ha! Ha! Oh! Oh! Also with us tonight Is mr. Tommy newsom. Hi, alf. After the show tonight, Tommy and i are going to go out and paint the town beige. I got the brush right here. Good one, tom! You hang on to that. Tommy's not dull. He was just weaned on novocaine. Well, i'm glad all of you could get in, 'Cause it sure was hot out there today. All: how hot was it? What am i, a thermometer? Hey, we have a fabulous show for you tonight. We've got joan embery, Joyce brothers, And a pope. So stay tuned. We'll be right back. [Johnny's theme playing] Captioning made possible by lions gate home entertainment Uh, alf? Alf? Oh, we're back! Huh! Hi. Uh, I guess it must be time for our spontaneous, unrehearsed banter. You start. Well, gee. I-I don't know where to start. Oh. Well, you know, i really enjoy you on that show Where they have all those mistakes and foul-Ups. Oh, you mean bloopers and practical jokes. No. Star search. Ah! Ah! Ah! Well, your show is certainly a hit, alf. Thanks. I understand you brought some clips. Would you like to set them up? I'd love to. See, on my show, i play an alien life form. It's a real stretch for me. Watch the monitors. [Imitates dog whining] [Snores] [Imitates dog whining] Alf... Why did you do that? Well, i could have licked your hand. But i didn't think either of us would enjoy that. What a strange family. [Alf coughs] Now what do you want? Nothing. I was just doing the heimlich maneuver on myself. [Coughing] By the way, Don't bother looking for your laxative on a rope. Oh, you mean my soap on a rope. Trust me on this one. Well, now i guess we know all about your rise to stardom. Every possible thing we could want to know about alf, You have now told us. You are wrong, compensated spokesman-Breath. You mean there's more? Yes. In my quest for stardom, I was screen tested for roles too numerous to mention. Ok, i'll mention them. For example... I did not get the role of obi-Wan kenobi In the movie star wars. I did not get the lead in the f.D.R. Story. But i did get called back twice for the role of eleanor. And i lost out to mcgruff the crime dog For the lead in sam spade gets spayed. Those screen tests look suspiciously like Episodes of your show, alf. My cup looks suspiciously empty, ed. Ok, i'll-- I'll get you a refill. Thank you. And while you're gone, I'll show some clips of just how versatile a performer i am. You folks, watch the monitors. What about the pope? He can watch, too. Roll the tape. Hit the music, will you? I'm going to watch dance fever. [Disco music playing] Yeah, go feverettes! Alf, i thought we agreed That you'd stop impersonating me on the phone. We agreed i would stop impersonating the cast of green acres. Although... [Southern accent] mr. Haney could have sold brian Some revivifying potion Out of the back of his truck. I'm sorry it took so long-- Alf? Alf? Al-- I'm not alf. I am melmac the magnificent. Oh, no. That's johnny's turban. Nobody wears johnny's turban. Look again, banana number 2. I hold in my hands these envelopes. And without ever having seen the questions, I, in my mystical and borderline tasteful way, Will define the answers. Where are the answers? They're in the desk, but johnny's supposed To do those tomorrow night. So, who's stopping him? Ohh. Red square. Alf, look, uh-- Red square. What do you call that blotch on gorbachev's head? Red square. Red square. Junk bonds. Junk bonds. What do you call the last 3 007 movies? Junk bonds. St. Elsewhere. St. Elsewhere. What's the message on mother teresa's answering machine? St. Elsewhere. Cat on a hot tin roof. Cat on a hot tin roof. Cat-- Both: on a hot tin roof. Name a tv dinner on melmac. Ha! Ha! Wrote that one myself! I hold in my hand the last envelope. May an alien from a distant planet Invade your living room every monday night at 8:00, 7:00 central. Goodyear, bonzo, and bush. Goodyear, bonzo-- Both: and bush. Name a blimp, a chimp, and a wimp. Oh, hey, ed. Here, i had to take a few tucks in this turban. You might want to have it fixed before johnny gets back. Oh, boy. There's more to come, so stay tuned. Think you can fix it? I don't know. Oh, i don't know, alf. You don't really explain how you do it, You just do it. It's like breathing. Oh, come on! Teach me. Well, it only works if it's spontaneous. Just do a little one. Hi-Oh. Well, let me get this right-- Is the accent on the hi or the oh? Alf-- Hi-Oh! You really should bring out our first guest. Boy, ed. You're a real slave to tradition. We are honored that our first guest has chosen this show On which to make a rare television appearance. The spiritual leader of millions worldwide, Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Dr. Joyce brothers. Alf! You should bring out the pope first. Who's hosting here, ed? I'm waiting. You are, alf. Dr. Joyce, haul it out here! Hello, alf. It's very nice to meet you. What happened to your accent? What accent? Who are you? I'm dr. Joyce brothers. Oh, no! I got you mixed up with dr. Ruth. Huh! I'm sure it happens all the time. It's never happened before. Oh. Did you bring any clips to show us? I'm a psychologist. I don't have any clips. Well, you're in luck. I brought a few extra. Watch the monitors. Well, the week is over, as far as i'm concerned. I'm going to have a plain old orange. Willie, i don't think that i can make it till sundown. Why don't we go away for the day? Good idea. Oh, come on, that's silly. Now, why don't we just tell alf that he's won? Well, i'm for that. You've won. Won, ma'am? The bet is off. You can turn in your whisk broom and your phony accent And let out a big burp, And let's get on with it. [Beeps] [Snores] [Beeps] Alf. [Snorts] alf. What? What? What? What are you doing? Well, i was sleeping till you woke me up. Well, since when do you sleep standing up? Since i started sleeping with that box on my head. You look ridiculous. Well, not everyone sleeps like you-- Mouth open, Drooling on the pillow. [Snores] Hey, lynn! You want to take over for willie? Ok. Your move. Ok. [Snickering] Checkmate. So, doc, what did you think? Well, judging from those clips, I think you have a little trouble Meshing with the family unit. Oh, yeah? So's your grandmother. That's a rather defensive attitude, alf. Are you afraid to face a realistic assessment of your-- * i can't hear you * * i'm not even listening * * i'm the guest host * *you are just a guest * Maybe i'd better come back at another time. I'm sorry. Why? Do you feel threatened when prevented From espousing tenets of your so-Called profession, Possibly revealing a lack of maturity on your part? So's your grandmother. Way to go, alf. Joyce brothers' been coming on this show for 25 years, And that's the first time she walked off. Well, what did i do? She's the one who forgot to bring clips. Uh-Oh. Here comes the producer. Oh, hi, freddy. It's fred de cordova, executive producer of the tonight show. Alf, uh... Pope john paul. Fred, john paul jones. Your turn. Um, there is a logical sequence By which we bring out guests on this show. World religious leaders, Doctors, Uh, people from zoos. So what? Well, if you'll read your contract, If you don't do it our way, You don't get paid. [Squeaks] Ladies and gentlemen, His holiness pope john paul ii. [Organ playing ave maria] So, what's the deal? His holiness is in the restroom. He drank a lot of coffee waiting to come on. So now what are we going to do? You could bring out another one of your guests. All right, all right. Send out whoever you got back there. Hi, joan. Welcome to the show. Ladies and gentlemen, Joan embery of the san diego zoo. Oh, joan, You didn't have to bring me a snack. This is felis catus, a domestic house cat. [Smacks lips] my favorite! You know, i had planned on bringing A reticulated python, But somebody let him go and put this cat in his cage. It was probably the pope. He's been hanging around backstage all night. The pope told me you did it. Hey, who you going to believe, Me or the pope? Did you bring any clips? Clips? No, i brought a snake! Well, i have a few clips i think you might enjoy. Roll 'em. 6:13. One minute to go, luckmeister. Then i'll be down on you like a buzzard on a gut wagon. [Bell rings] The duck al'orange is ready. Have some wine. It'll slow down your reflexes. All right. Hold still, lucky. [Lucky meows] I'll be off your back in a minute. Whoa! [Howls] [Grunts] The only good cat is a stir-Fried cat. Did you ever hear the expression "Curiosity killed the cat"? Yeah. It's usually followed by the expression "Pass the plum sauce." What is cat juice? Well, it's just like orange juice. But instead of squeezing the juice out of an orange, You squeeze the juice out of a-- I don't want to hear it. Then cover your ears. Cat. I heard it. You were warned. [Hiccups] Too rough? You're awful. Hey, joan, relax. I haven't eaten a single cat since i've been here. They've all been married! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ahh! I'm reporting you to the a.S.P.C.A. Oh, just what i need-- Union problems. Nice going, alf. You're 2 for 2. Why don't you get the pope out here and try for a shut-Out? Ha! Good one, driver's ed! Ha ha! [Crash] Ooh. You broke johnny's cup. Hey, that's nothing. You should see what i did to his dressing room. Oh, great. It's fred with a phone. Don't you have an office, man? There's a phone call for you. Can't you take a message? It's mr. Carson. [Squeaking] Tell him i'm not here. We'll be right back after these messages. So, johnny, have you been watching the show? Yeah? What do you think? All right, all right, i'm sorry i broke your cup. Look, johnny, i'd love to keep talking, But you know what it's like here in the big chair. Yeah, gotta keep things moving. Hey, after i'm done, why don't i come over And we'll hit the hot tub together? Hello? Hello? Boy, you are in big trouble, mister. Oh, hey, this isn't trouble. I'll show you trouble. Bobby, roll the clip marked "trouble." Here, hold this willie. What is it? Oh, that's just nuclear waste From my space ship. [Gasps] Oh, hey, don't worry. Life on this planet will exist As long as that little lid doesn't pop off. Oh, wait. These are my crayons. Just tell us why you did it. It was willie's idea. What? ! Don't try to worm your way out of this one. You said we'd build a lagoon. I said we'd build a little lagoon, Not the great tanner reef! Ok, ok, i misunderstood. I'm sorry. I made a boo-Boo. A boo-Boo? Say, What are you doing here? Greeting the guests. Hey, tex, looks like you're putting on A little weight there, huh? Ha! Ha! Ha! Could i speak with you in the kitchen, just for a moment? Hey, not now, willie. Your pumpkin's on fire! Ha! His pumpkin's on fire! Come here. Well, who is this little guy? This is gordon, everyone. Gordon's an old friend of our family. Bernice, don't mention his height. He's very sensitive. Hey, cowgirl, nice calves! Ha! Nice calves! Ha! Ha! Yah! Unh! A picture's worth 1,000 words. That picture was worth $1,000. Well, maybe the frame makes it look cheap. I am tired of your breaking things. If this happens one more time, You will be living in the garage. From now on, i'll treat this house as it if were my own. Treat it as if it were my house, And don't break anything. Cheap frame. Well, i guess it can be repaired. Alf: heads up! [Hiccups] [1812 overture playing] No problem. [Crash] [Crash] Ahh! Ohh! [Engine cranks] [Crash] You! Stop! [Sighs] Well, i guess we'll have to order in. Hey, that was great! Let's show it again. Let's not. Fine. Well, i've got a better idea. You think you can hold down the fort for a minute? I guess i could fill time With one of my live commercials. Ed, ed. This shameless self-Promotion does not become you. I know-- I'll show a clip. While i leave the room, you folks watch These scenes of me leaving the room. [Doorbell rings] Alf, hide in the kitchen. You know, if you weren't Always sending me to the kitchen, I might not eat so much. Alf, please, please? Well, no wonder willie's pants don't fit me anymore. [Doorbell rings] Alf, hide in the kitchen. Yeah. Just call me pavlov's alien. [Doorbell rings] Alf, go into the kitchen. "Go into the kitchen. Go into the kitchen." As a woman, you should be sensitive To the demeaning undertones in that remark. Now! You're betraying your sisters. [Doorbell rings] Man: hey, tanners! It's us! Alf, kitchen. No problem. I'll call a cab. You will walk. Now. One day, i'll walk into that kitchen, And keep right on walking. [Scoffs] [Bang] ow! [Sighs] [Doorbell rings] All: alf, hide in the kitchen. Oh! We're back, apparently. What happened to the pushy furball? Who cares? At least he's gone. Alf: yo! Point those cameras over here. Ohh. Oh, no. Not that. [Fanfare] Friends, Are you getting too fat for things you used to fit in, Like your house? When you get on the scale, does it say, "Get off the elephant first"? Does your sunken chest appear on pirate treasure maps? Then come to our health club... At pecs 'r' us, we'll tone up your muscles While we slim down your wallet. At pecs 'r' us, you'll build your biceps Banging on our door for a refund. Yes, friends, we've got barbells and dumbbells, And speaking of dumbbells, Here's our own matinee lady. I go to pecs 'r' us and work up a sweat. Oh, you work up a sweat Reading the instructions on a stop sign. Friends, you say you want to pump iron? Well, come to pecs 'r' us. You can start by pressing my shorts. Ha! We also sell vitamins, So you can choose between "a," "b," "c," "d," and "e." I prefer "e." No, you can't even spell "e." Friends, if you want to join pecs 'r' us, Come on down to our main office. How do you get there? Hmm! You take the golden state freeway to the ventura freeway, To the san diego freeway till you come to the slauson cut-Off. Get out of your car, cut off your slauson, Get back in your car, Then drive 9 more miles to the neon sign That says "steroids on tap." That's our main office. Uh, take that out of my check. Man: consider it done. Well, uh--And now, back to our movie-- Gene barry, barry nelson, nelson eddy, eddie albert And gotcha the wonder goose In minnie tells mickey that roger rabbit died. So, how'd you like the bit? I hope it's as funny when johnny does it on friday. How could it be? He doesn't have my delivery. And he doesn't have the pointer anymore. I know, let's talk about that planet you came from. What's it called, tarmac? Melmac. And by fortunate coincidence, It's the subject of my next fascinating set of clips. Mind if i show them, edopus? Clips. Sounds like a nice... change of pace. I say we fight violence with violence. That's how we solve things back home. But alf, don't you remember What happened to your planet? Well, it blew up in a nuclear holocaust. Why? Don't you see the connection? What connection? I give up. Me too. I'm gonna lie down. My head is spinning. What are you guys doing? Trading bouilabaseball cards. What's bouilabaseball? It's baseball on melmac. Instead of a ball, they throw fish guts. Fish parts. The guts are sold at the concession stand. Jake may have some problems, But he's not going to be sent to prison. Yeah? Tell that to my cousin, "Pretty boy" shumway. He grew up on the south side of melmac, The baddest part of the planet. If he didn't like your shoes-- [Imitates tommy gun] Do you mean he'd shoot a person Just because he didn't like his shoes? No, he'd just point at them and go-- [Imitates tommy gun] Where's lizard taking you? Out to a science fiction movie. Something about this guy being shrunk And then injected into someone else. Well, that's not science fiction. A friend of mine did that once. He took a wrong turn, And got stuck in the guy's nose. I'd rather get beat up than be called a snitch. Yeah, that's the worst. On melmac, some guy called me a snitch Just because i turned him in to the secret police. [Hiccups] Oh, no. Oh-- [Hiccups] yes. You're the first humans Who've ever heard the dreaded melmackian hiccups. What is it that makes them so dreaded, Besides that irritating, metallic echo? That irritating, metallic echo Gets louder and louder. Day by day, Week by week, Year by--[Hiccups] Year. [Also sprach zarathustra playing] There are many things in this universe you're not meant to understand. Now, that doesn't mean they're not real. I'm real. And whether other people believe you or not, You know i'm real. Thank you. [Stereo clicks off] Let me ask you something. Why are you wearing all those utensils? Uh, that's one of the things You're not supposed to understand. Uh, here's another one-- You should set a couple of pumpkin pies Out on your back porch once a week And never question why they disappear. Uh, twice a week. So, what do you think? I think johnny will never speak to me again. Hey, hey, relax. If johnny's going to be mad at anybody, it'll be fred, Booking all those unprepared guests. Speaking of guests, his holiness john paul is back. Great. Let's bring him out. [Ave maria playing] Just as soon as i show these clips. Roll 'em! [Choir music playing] [Rings] I hear you're looking for a few good monks. Oh, howdy, raquel. Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! [Indistinct music on tv] Care for a cookie? All right, after your nap. Ahh! Alf, are you all right? Oh, yeah. Everything's fine. Why-- Why do you have those clothespins attached to your head? It's a form of acupressure. On melmac, we use it to relieve writer's block. Let's see. Which was the button for a cheeseburger? Uh... [Beeps] ahh! Hey, you, come here. Yes? How did you get out of your cage? I work here. Uh, look. I'll give you 5 bucks if you let me out of this cage. 10 if you clean it while i'm out. Hey, you guys want some beans? I do! I do! Ahh! A loose kangaroo! Ahh! [Whistle blows] Headache? You certainly are. Whoa! The natives are restless! Hey, ladies and gentlemen, it's rich little! Hi, ed. What the heck are you doing here? Well, i'm here to guest host the tonight show. What a coincidence-- So am i. Not for long. I just got a call from johnny. Um, what did my close, personal friend johnny say? He said, and i quote-- [Imitating johnny carson] uh, ha ha ha! Get over there and 86 that troublemaking buffoon. Yeah? Well, if ed goes, i go. No, no, no, no. He meant you, alf. Listen, You've got a major religious leader backstage, You've turned this whole thing Into a commercial for your show-- Well, hey, you know, If big john wants me to step aside And let you show your clips, so be it. I didn't bring any clips. In that case-- Hey, bobby, roll my final clip, The one i like to call "alf and remembrance." I was going to faint, but i think i made my point. Too bad we didn't buy it. You didn't? [Gasps] Alf, you fainted on a snail. Whoa. Whoa. Now, the trick here is to concentrate all your energy, And let it explode in a blinding flash of destruction. Watch. Hee-Yah! All right! Well, that never worked before. Do it again. Ok. Hee-Yah! I guess there's only pain When you don't break the board. Unbelievable pain. Let me tuck you in. Ok. There you go. Thanks, alf. You're a good friend. Hey, anything for my willie. You want me to press my lips up against your forehead? Ahh! Excuse me, kate, i'm off to south dakota. I've got a rendezvous with history. [Patriotic music playing] Alf, why don't you try holding your breath again? That should work. Ok. [Gasping] [Hiccups] Body block! Ha! Ha! We'll be right back after this commercial. I hope it's a promo for my show. Well, let's put it to a vote. Was this the best tonight show ever? [Audience applauds] I abstain. And i demand a recount. And i'd like to thank my guests-- Dr. Joyce brothers, Joan embery of the san diego zoo, And his holiness pope-- Oh, oh, i never brought out the pope! You've got 30 seconds. Ladies and gentlemen his holiness pope john paul ii. [Ave maria playing] Hey. I'd like to thank my guests--Joyce, joan, And, of course, pope. Uh, johnny, sorry about your cup and your dressing room, Uh, and the limo. Did i say limo? Ha! That wasn't me, just the first 2. Good night, everybody! How'd he get those whites so white? to a dreadful dynasty of vicious vampire ducks. The Counts of Duckula! Legend has it that these fowl beings can be destroyed... by a stake through the heart or exposure to sunlight. This does not suffice, however... for they may be brought back to life... by means of a sacred rite... that can be performed once a century... when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius! - Batswing blood. - I'll get it! The latest reincarnation did not run according to plan. Ooh! In the heart of Transylvania In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah There's not a vampire zanier than Duckula He won't bite beast or man 'Cause he's a vegetarian And things never run to plan for Duckula If you're lookin' for some fun You can always count upon The wild and wacky one they call Duckula Heh heh! Count Duckula! Heh heh heh! Oh, foolish, foolish, viewer. Have you in your folly followed me to this fowl fortress of fear and affliction? Turn back. Turn back before... But, no, it is too late. For even now, strange and blood curdling cries rent the air. Come on, come on. It's all right. Nanny's coming. No, Nanny, it's all right. I didn't mean... Whatever is it, my little Duckypoos? It's my wall, Nanny, again. Why couldn't you come through the door? Oh, those stupid things. They always gets in the way when you're in a hurry. I come to save you. I heard your cry for help. I wasn't crying for help. I was watching auto racing on television. And look what you've done to the set. Auto racing. Ha. Yes, Igor, auto racing. Ha. I wish your lordship would watch something more educational... like "Blood Grouping for Ghouls"... or even "The Slavering Monster from the Vampire's Blood Bath... Meets the Limb Tearing Werewolf." Yuck. Well, you don't have to worry, Igor... because I won't be watching anything until we get a new television set. So, just call the shop in the village and tell them to send one up. I fear, milord, that that will not be possible. Hmm? Not possible? You still haven't paid for that one. Look, Igor, are you trying to tell me that we haven't paid the bills? Exactly, sir. And we haven't paid the butler or the nanny, either, milord. Igor, you're not trying to tell me that I do not have any money? Alas, milord, that is the awful truth. This is awful. But the truth. Oh, and I'm missing the auto racing, and I do want... Hey. Hey, wait a minute. Ooh, dear. Not a good idea, sir? Yes, Igor, a good idea. The world land speed record comes to Transylvania. I see. And when was that, sir? Huh? No, no, Igor. I mean I'm going to make it come to Transylvania. I mean I am going to build an automobile... and I'm going to drive it... and I am going to bring the world land speed record... right here to Transylvania. I see, sir. Why? W-Why? Because I'll be famous, that's why. Because people will come here in their thousands... to see me break the record. Because when they do, they won't have anywhere to stay but here... and because by the time they've finished paying me for bed and breakfast... I'll be rich, rich, rich. There is just one thing, milord. Yes, Igor? What is it? We don't actually have an automobile. Igor, get me the Transylvanian Times. We already have a copy, milord. On the phone, Igor, on the phone. The world must hear of this bold, courageous... thrilling, ingenious... moneymaking venture right now. Um, but I didn't know you got the Transylvanian Times, Ruffles. I get it for the crossword. Now shut up and listen. Yes, guv. Sorry, guv. "From our special correspondent. "An attempt is to be made... "to bring the blue ribbon of the automotive world... to Transylvania." Cor. Ho ho. Yeah. Are they anything like Bruce Springsteen? Are they... Who? Is who anything like Bruce Springsteen? Well, this blue rib-band. You brainless lump. - Yeah. - Blue ribbon! It's like the victor's laurels, like... the gold medal. Yeah. I like Victor Laurel. - You what? - I like Victor Laurel. I like him better than... What's his name? Hardy. Oh, sprite me up the old apples and pears. Why did I have to get mixed up with you lot? Why couldn't I just have got run over by a bus? - Aah! - Shut up and listen. Uh, yes, guv. Sorry, guv. "To bring the blue ribbon of the automotive world to Transylvania. Count Duckula..." - Ah. - Ah. "Count Duckula announced today that he is constructing... "the world's most powerful v-vehicle... "in which he will attempt to beat... "the land world speed record early next month. Already thousands of tourists..." "are flocking to view the attempt... and the accommodation is at a premium." - Right, Bert. - Um, yeah? Nip home and forge us a set of airline tickets for Transylvania. Right, guv. The rest of you get packed. We're going on a little holiday... a working holiday. What we laughing for? Uh, are you sure this will be all right at seven hundred miles an hour? It is wind tunnel tested, milord. Is that when you stood it in the corridor... and fanned it with your hat? - Silence, Nanny. - Only bits fell off it then. Bits fell off it? Part of the fine tuning for ultimate performance, milord. Oh. Oh. Oh, well. I suppose there's only one way to see if it works... and... and... and... and that's to give it a test ride. OK, start the engine. Engine? I assume it has got an engine. Uh, Mark One, milord, is hen powered. Oh. Oh, dear. Oh, well, right-o. Go ahead and... and try it. Oh, just... just one thing before you do. - Where's the steering wheel? - Unh! Drat. There are so many little things to remember. Right. Just let me do a checkpit cock. Are you sure that's what you mean, milord? Yes, of course it's... No, no. No, of course it's not what I mean. L... I mean let me do... let me do a chockpit chick. A pitstop chuck. A pa pot chick chock. - Ahem. I tell you what, Igor. - Milord? I'll just make sure everything's OK, OK? Steering wheel. Every luxury. Handbrake on. Seat belts fastened. Ooh, yes. We don't want to lose the seats. Yes, thank you, Nanny. OK, I'm ready to go. - Go, milord? - Right you are, Mr. Igor. Now, then, just as soon as I have released the hand brake... Ooh, Nanny, Nanny. So, where's all the tourists, eh, landlord? Oh, bless your red corpuscles. They all gone home, sir. Gone home? Oh, they was here in their thous... in their hun... There was seven of them... but they said they couldn't hang about forever, sir. Are you trying to tell me that there ain't no tourists? Oh, well, they came to see the Flying Duckmobile... break the record, didn't they? Well, yeah. And he ain't never got it going, has he? - Is that right? - Ar, right it is. Well, no, right is what it isn't... and when they couldn't see no Flying Duckmobile... they buzzed off, didn't they? They only been gone a couple of days though. So, if we'd blooming well flown to Transylvania via Italy... instead of flaming Vladivostok on your blooming forged tickets... we'd have been in time to rip 'em off, you twillip! Yeah, well, I can't spell Rome. You... you're about as good as that idiot Duckula with his blooming... Here... Here, hang about. We've been hanging all day. Shut up! Hmm. What the Count needs is a bit of professional help. What he needs is a top-class racing engineer and spare parts supplier. Well, I still believe, sir, that what we need... is a top-class racing engineer and spare parts supplier. I'm quite capable of getting this thing into the record books. If you can ever get it out of the courtyard. Yes, if I can ever get... Igor, that's enough. - Oh, yes, milord. - Ahem. Now, my latest modification is foolproof. Ha ha ha. Once that giant three-ton flywheel is spinning... it will give me enough power to go right through the sound barrier. All we need is a primeval, monstrous... irresistible source of energy, so... - Nanny! - Nanny! Coming, Master Duckula! OK, Nanny, time to go. Come back, Nanny, come back. I just want you to turn that handle as fast as you can, right? Oh, yes, Master Duckula. Right. Now, listen... then when it's doing fourteen thousand revs a minute... I am going to let in the clutch. Don't say it, Nanny, don't say it. And this machine will be through that sound barrier... before you can say Jack Robinson. Or in your case, Nanny, before you can say Jack. Righty-o, Duckypoos. I keeps it tucked inside me sock. What are you talking about? I thought you wanted the jack. No, Nanny, you see, what I meant... All I was... Forget it, forget it, forget it. Just wind the handle. Ooh, very good, Master Duckula. Right! Fourteen thousand revolutions! This is it! Fame and fortune, here I come! You know, Igor, what I think we need... is a top-class racing engineer and a spare parts supplier. Good afternoon, your Duckness. My name is Alfonso Ruffles... a top-class racing engineer and spare parts supplier to the nobility. Hmm. An engine, an engine! Wowie-wow! This is a real breakthrough, Mr. Ruffles. Oh, call me Alf, your countship. Oh well that's very nice of you, Alf, your countship. And you can call me milord. Uh, yeah. Uh, where... where did you get it? Ah. L... I'd rather not reveal my sources, your Duckship. Suffice it to say that you will not find an engine like this... at Indianapolis or on the great racing circuits of Europe. Good as that, Alf, eh? Good, milord, isn't the word for it. OK, well, let's get it going. Let's see what it can do. Ahem. Well, there is the little matter of payment, your countliness. My what? Oh, sorry. Matter of what? Payment. I'd be happier if I could have the money before you find out... Uh, before you try out the engine. Ah, ha ha! No use. His lordship can't hear when he has his helmet on. I wants the money for the engine! And I can't hear when people talk about money. Here we go! Here we go! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! All right, my little Duckypoos! Nanny will save you! Of course I won't hit you... not if you tell me where you got that blooming engine. Oh, yeah, all right. I pinched it out of a cement mixer. A cement... You stupid great nana! Oh! Ouch! Ooh! Good job, Nanny. Where did you get all that elastic? - Um... - Never mind, Nanny, never mind. Yes, Igor, you'd have to be a complete idiot... not to see how this works. Excuse me, Duckypoos... Yes, Nanny? You want to know how this works? It's really very simple. This powerful elastic band has been stretched to its limit. It's not the only one. Exactly, Igor. And located in a hook at the front of the car... it is held in place by two strong ropes... which are attached to a cross bar. The cross bar is held by a clamp. When the red handle is pulled back, the bar is released... and the elastic propels the car forward at 750 miles an hour... thus bringing the world land speed record to Transylvania... and fame and fortune to me. Is that quite clear? Quite clear, milord. - Nanny? - Yes? - Any questions? - Yes. How does this work? OK, Nanny, OK. Just one more time. Now, you use a powerful elastic band, so you hold it in front of the car. Pull red handle, cross bar release, record, rich and famous, hooray, got it? Pull the red handle? Hmm? Yes, Nanny, yes. Pull the red 'andle... handle. No! No, Nanny! No, Nanny! Don't pull the red... Oh, no, Nanny! You half-witted peanut brain, concrete skull, witless washout! Look what you've done! Do you understand what you have done? Oh, yes. Now I sees how it works. You've ruined my chances forever. I'll never see my lovely car again. Oh, I don't know, sir. What do you mean, you don't know? It seems, milord, to have gone into reverse. Don't be ridic... Reverse? Oh, no! Aah! Ooh, he'll do himself no good rushing about like that. Now where's he gone off to, I'd like to know. Oh, don't worry, Nanny. He'll be back. Well, Nanny, I suggest we go and have a spot of afternoon tea... while we wait for equilibrium to set in. Yes, I had a bit of that equilibrium... but it's been a lot better since I rubbed it with camphorated oil. Yes, that's what I said... nick 'em. Uh, what? - Like, now? - Now! And when you've done that, bring 'em back to the base. - And you... - Yes, guv? You pinch all the cans of paint you can lay your hands on, and a brush. - Lots of brushes. - Yes, guv. Now, get on with it. But I promise you, my friend... that mein invention will propel you through the sound barrier... und into the record books without no trouble... so help me if it don't. Now, listen, I've had enough of high speed travel... and I'm sick of people calling me Count Boomerang. I promise you, my old cocker spaniel... that with my invention no blooming harm can come to you. Not half. Und you will be famous forever for only 200,000 drachmas. - Uh, the Count hasn't got it... - Yes, thank you, Igor. If you will come this way, we will prepare for the ripoff... Uh, take off, start. Ooh, high performance. Ooh, ooh! Wow-wow! All you have to do, mate... Uh, mein herr, is to keep your eye on the speedometer. You won't feel a thing. Wow! This is great, Dr Einstein. OK, ready when you are. First, put on the earphones, so to you I can talk. I beg your pardon? First, put on the earphones, so to you I can talk. Ah, yes. Now I've got the earphones on... I can hear that you can talk. Are you receiving me? Over. Loud and clear, professor. OK, then let her go. Whee! Wow, look at that! Two hundred miles an hour, and I can't feel a thing! Faster, Count, faster! OK, 250, 300, 350. Whee hee hee! You're doing fine! Keep going! Don't forget the 200,000 drachmas! Five hundred miles an hour! Five hundred and fifty! Six hundred! Wow! At this rate, I'll be going through the sound barrier any minute. - Blimey, nearly forgot the barrier. - What did you say, Dr. Einstein? Blimey, I nearly forgot the sound barrier. 675 miles an hour, and it's really smooth in here. Seven hundred! Seven hundred and twenty-five! Any second now, and I'll be through the sound barrier. Here, what's happening? Something's going wrong. Seven hundred and thirty! Seven hundred and thirty-five! Seven hundred and forty! Ha ha ha! Seven hundred and forty-five! Nearly there! This is fantastic! Seven hundred and fifty miles an hour, and... I did it! I broke the sound barrier! The world record is mine! - I am... I... - Help! What? What the... I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. Good evening, milord. It looks like being a delightfully sinister and foggy night... with never a clove of garlic in sight. Would you like me to bring you a glass of RH negative? No, Igor, I would not. Anything in the Transylvanian Times? Mmm, just one interesting story, milord. Mmm? What's that? It seems that two gentlemen, flying hand-operated fairground carousels... have established a new world record for man-powered flight. Oh, well, I have only one thing to say to that. And what is that, milord? Ah, ha ha ha! And so once more, the poor simple peasant folk... huddle round their poor simple television sets... and tremble with fear at the horror that is to come. Next week perchance. Ho ho! So, for now, good night out there... whatever you are. If you're feeling... Or you're kind of... Could be you've met up with Duckula If your knees go... And your teeth go... Maybe you've bumped into Duckula He flies through the night Looking for a bite But he's back home by daylight Duckula If you're sort of... Or you're a little... It's certain you've run into Duckula If your heart goes... Or your mind goes... Man, you had a brush with Duckula So watch out for the... Beware of the... And pray you'll never meet with Duckula Count Duckula - You slipped? You fool! I will show you slipped! - Oh! [Alarm Ringing] [Woman] Tonight on Murder, She Wrote. I understand you ran afoul of the iron maidens last night. Detectives Stacey and Chadwick. Maybe it's some kind of publicity stunt for your book. - You mind? I'm interrogating a suspect here. - A suspect? - I'm taking this to Mr. Blackthorn. We'll see what he thinks. - I advise you not to do that. - She's got it. - Who? - Siobhan O'Dea. Suppose I could get into Siobhan O'Dea's apartment. Nobody gets in to see that lady. She's a hermit. Mr. DiMarco, there's someone at my door. [Knocking] [Doorbell Buzzing] [Buzzing Continues] [Knocking] Mr. DiMarco, there's someone at my door. [Knocking Continues] You've let someone come up here to my door! [Man] Please, Miss O'Dea. I must speak to you. It's very important. Now he's knocking. Mr. DiMarco, you come up here and remove him right away! I know you're in there. Please, I only need a moment of your time. [Knocking] There's something in the paper you must see. Look, I'm shoving it under your door. Won't you please take a look? It's about the tiara. [Man #2] Hey, youl What are you doin'here? I just wanna see Miss O'Dea. How'd you get up here? I just want to talk to her. Well, she doesn't wanna talk to you. Come on. Let's go, buddy, before I call the cops. [Gasps] Come on, come on. Let's move itl [Horns Honking] [Man] Does this look like a precious gem? Of course not. But do not be fooled by the dull finish. Very shortly, this ugly duckling... will be transformed into a beautiful marquise diamond... worthy to be hung about the royalest of necks. Note the deftness... with which Mr. Stavros handles the gem, what confidence he displays... as he places the blade in the precut notch. Of course, Mr. Stavros knows that one slip of the hammer, and this five-million-dollar gem... could be reduced instantly into a pile of worthless diamond dust. But here is a man... with ice water in his veins, whose courage and skill are far beyond that of ordinary men. Go. Go. Cut the stone, Stavros. We don't have all day. Oh, dear! My Godl You idiotl l-I'm sorry, Mr. Dolby. Sorry? You have just destroyed millions of dollars! - My-My hand must have slipped. - Slipped? You fool! Mr. Dolby. Please! Please! I will show you slipped! [Metal Clanging] Oh. [Both Laughing] Whoo-hoo! Mrs. Fletcher, that was quite a sight, was it not? Well, yes. Ohl Ohl Do not fear, dear lady. This precious gem was totally worthless, fit for nothing but a good joke. [Jessica] Ajoke? You certainly had me fooled. Laszlo, don't you ever get tired of pulling that gag? Never, my dear, and I pray that I never do. Uh, Jessica Fletcher, Andrea Dean, our jewelry designer. Andrea, Jessica Fletcher. J.B. Fletcher. Oh, yes, you're writing the book. Mr. Blackthorn mentioned you. How nice to meet you. Thank you. You know, when I decided to set my next novel in a fashionable jewelry store, I had no idea what I was getting into. Oh, well, I'm afraid it's not as glamorous as it sounds. In fact, most of the time it's downright dull. Well, I certainly hope not, because my readers will forgive me anything but boredom. [Phone Rings] How do you like the place so far? Well, I'm afraid I haven't had a chance to see too much of it. I just got here, and Mr. Blackthorn has been tied up in a meeting. Uh, Mrs. Fletcher? Mr. Blackthorn. Oh! Excuse me. Uh-huh. Mrs. Fletcher, can you forgive me? I'm still tied up. Oh, don't give it a second thought. Your people have been wonderful. Well, I'm afraid lunch is out, but I absolutely insist we have dinner this evening. - I'd love to. - Excellent. I'll send a car around to your hotel about 8:00. Looking forward to it. Now, where were we? We were discussing the tiara. Now, look, Mr. Blackthorn. It's one thing to drum up some publicity with this book Mrs. Fletcher's writing, but it's something else to risk the Queen ofTara. Sir, if you put that thing on public display downstairs, I cannot guarantee its safety. What neither of you seem to grasp is that we're not selling mere jewelry here. Any fool can peddle a stone in a gold setting... and, I might add, at a price we cannot match. Blackthorn has always been, and will always be, a thoroughbred, not a plow horse. Don't ever forget that, either of you. Excuse me, Diane. What is it? I've redesigned the necklace for the five-carat marquise. I think you'll like this one. No. It's much too simple. But the stone is simple. I mean, that's what we're selling here. Elegant simplicity, the Blackthorn hallmark. Your design is dull. Mr. Blackthorn has always liked my work. Mr. Blackthorn is much too busy to concern himself with trivial detail. Diane, you are not gonna keep shutting me out. I have Mr. Blackthorn's complete confidence. He has given me the authority to run this store. What is it with you? Fear? Jealousy? [Chuckling] Oh, no. You gotta be kidding. You think that I'm competition. Diane, if you want him, you can have him. - I don't know what you're talking about. - Yeah, right. [Blackthorn] Yes, the shattered diamond. That's just the sort of prank he loves to play. I always thought of Hungarians as melancholy and dour, but Laszlo Dolby has the soul of a leprechaun. And he's a poet. He told me that he'd written several plays. Back in Budapest, before he escaped from the Russians in the mid-'50s. I read one of'em. Political trash. Anti-Marxist melodrama. After he arrived in America, he tried to make a go of it in the theater. Luckily, his family had raised him in the diamond trade. Otherwise, he'd have starved. You know, Hudson, it's interesting. You've turned the conversation to absolutely everyone except yourself. You can't want to write about me. [Chuckles] That, my dearJessica, would be dull stuff indeed. Sixth generation of a bloodline that grows increasingly thinner. Oh, here I am, prattling away. What about you? What else do you want to know? What can I do for you? Uh, well, l-I did ask your security chief, Mr. Selkirk, if he'd show me the vaults. But he was, um, reluctant to do so... without written authorization from you. Was he? Well, what do you say we go and see them tonight? Whenever we come after hours, we always use this door. [Beeping] Each morning this code is changed to a new five-digit number. Once the correct code is recognized, it activates this scanner, which reads the palm print of a handful of key personnel. Ohl I hope I can use that in my novel. I'd be crushed if you didn't. [Beeping] Now, there are two armed security guards on duty... at all times in this area during business hours. Anyone taking gems out of the vault has to use these two tables... in clear view of the guards and these television cameras. - I'm impressed. - Oh, Mr. Blackthorn. I didn't know you were stopping' by tonight, sir. Spur of the moment, Wilson. This is Mrs. Fletcher. - How do you do, ma'am? - Hello, Mr. Wilson. - [Alarm Ringing] - [Explosion] [Alarm Continues] [Siren Wailing] [Siren Continues] And, uh, you say you were in the vault... at the, uh, time of the explosion, sir? Yes. What time was that? I don't know. Thirty minutes ago, I suppose. I didn't look at my watch. No need to get annoyed, sir. We're just tryin' to do our job here. - Now, this uh, vault - Where is that? - Downstairs. - And your security guard was with you at the time? - Yes. This envelope you say the thief left in place of the Tara- [Blackthorn] Some kind of a joke. $ 1,500 in cash? The tiara was worth over three million. [Siren Wailing] Everything else seems to be secure. It looks like all they took was the tiara. Tara. What? It's pronounced "Tara." It's tiara, Bess. Kathleen, I got it written down right here. Tara. T-A-R-A. Tara. It's tiara, Detective- Stacey. Nice to meet you. It's the Queen ofTara tiara. The Tara tiara? What kind of name is that? Excuse me! Excuse - Excuse me, ma'am. Would you mind? This is a crime scene. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't touch anything. We would appreciate it if you would just move out of the way, ma'am. This is Jessica Fletcher, Detective. J.B. Fletcher, the noted author. Yeah? Well, that's nice. Say, I um- I read one of your books. - [Chuckling] It was very good. - Well, thank you. Kathleen, would you mind? We are trying to solve a robbery here. [Blackthorn] Mrs. Fletcher was in the vault with me when the explosion occurred. That right? Sir, would you mind telling me what you were doing back here at this time of night? Mrs. Fletcher's researching a new book- a murder mystery that takes place in a jewelry emporium not unlike this one. And she was interested in our security system. Is that right? Look, l-I'm sure that you've noticed this, but don't you think it's odd that this- this door blew out toward the street? I mean, it looks to me as if the explosive charge must have been placed inside the door. Oh, no. That can't be. See, the perp blew the door from the outside in. Oh, I really- I really don't agree. The other odd thing was that the alarm went off several seconds before the explosion. - That right? That how it happened, sir? - Yes, I believe so. What are you getting at, Mrs. Fletcher? Well, only that it's possible that someone smashed the case, took the tiara... and then blew out the door, not to enter, but to escape. An inside job? How could that be? You told me the, uh, store was empty. I mean- Where's that security guard? What's his name? Wilson. Wilson! Wilson! Hey, uh, Wilson. I thought you told me that this store was empty. It was. At least I thought it was. I didn't check every office. [Grunts] Pardon my French. What the hell is goin' on around here? Marvin, would you listen to me? I'm gonna be stuck here for another couple ofhours at least. There's some hard-boiled eggs in the refrigerator. Could you make some egg salad sandwiches for the kids for school tomorrow? Well, what do they want, goose pâté? Marvin, I hate egg salad, too, but, uh, it's good for 'em. [Sighs] Make the sandwiches, Marv. I can't talk anymore. I gotta hang up now. Marvin, I'm hangin' up. Now. The guard's awake, though he's not feeling so great. Mrs. Fletcher. Mrs. Fletcher, I, uh- I've been thinking a lot about that theory of yours. Uh, very interesting. Well, it does seem logical. You know what we got in here, ma'am? Barbiturate. Yeah, they tell me it's enough to put half of the Bronx into la-la land. Oh? Uh, how long did you say you'd been in town, ma'am? I flew in last evening. And it was your idea to come back here this evening to, uh, check out the vault? Well, no, not exactly. Actually, Mr. Blackthorn suggested it. Yeah, but only after you hinted around. [Sighs] Detective Stacey. Uh, is there some point that you'd like to make? You and Blackthorn come back to the store. The security guard comes to the vault, leaving the tiara unprotected. Bang! The tiara gets stolen. Uh, had you known any of the store's employees, ma'am, prior to coming here tonight? That'd be easy enough to check. Surely you don't think that I had anything to do with the theft? Hey, your sudden arrival here, the theft- It's a big coincidence, and I believe in coincidence like I believe in the tooth fairy. Maybe it's some kind of publicity stunt for your book. Kathleen, do you mind? I'm interrogating a suspect here. A suspect? Would you care to make a statement at this time, ma'am? I don't have a statement. I've told you everything that I know. Fine, ma'am. If that's the way you want it, we will leave it like that for the time being. Meanwhile, we'd appreciate it if you do not leave town. Look, I did not have anything to do with this robbery. - We appreciate that, ma'am. - [Sighs] We'll be in touch. So, Kathleen, what do you think? Somethin' in the eyes. That's what I thought. Check her out. Right. Well, I don't know about you, Hudson, but I'm free to go, and I'm going. I think I'd better stay, but I'll see that Andrew drives you back to the hotel. Thank you. [Siren Wailing] You know, Hudson. I'm right about that explosion coming from inside the door. I just can't believe that any of my own people- Somebody laced your security guard's coffee with a barbiturate. Now, that somebody was hiding in one of the offices, waiting for your guard to pass out. I'm sorry. I hope I'm wrong. Yes. I hope so too. I'll call you tomorrow. Thank you. [Car Engine Starts] Hudson! I was going to bed when it came over the news. My God. How could this have happened, Hudson? Excuse me. Mr. Blackthorn, Ken Parrish, WQEJ News. Would you mind giving us a brief statement on camera? Yes, I'm afraid I would. Weren't you hanging around the store this afternoon, trying to see me? - Yes, sir. I was looking for an interview. - Let's go inside. Look, I'll only take a couple of minutes. I'm sorry, sir. You'll have to stand back. Look, I'm just trying to get a story. Then you'll have to get it over there. What do you mean, it's not insured? Now, I didn't say that. I said the company would only insure the value of the stones. But the tiara is worth 10 times that. It's a collector's item, a theatrical legend. Oh, I'm sorry, Hudson. We all tried to warn you. Yes, repeatedly! Leo, how nice of you to show up, finally. Well, believe it or not, sir, I do have a life outside of this store. Yes, and one that's going to take up all of your time from now on. - Hudson! - I was not responsible for this theft. You promised me a foolproof security system. Yeah, which you have. But there is no system that will prevent this kind of thing. So, do you want me to check with the police, or do you want me to go home? - Excuse me. Mrs. Fletcher? - Yes? I hope I'm not intruding. Ken Parrish, WQEJ News. Mind if I sit down? Well-Well, actually, I- I understand you ran afoul of the iron maidens last night. Detectives Stacey and Chadwick, the pride of the Midtown Division. Oh, yes. - I think I should warn you, you're at the top of their hit list. - Who told you that? I have my sources. The ladies don't like help, especially from another lady. - Well, that sounds rather sexist. - Me, I'll take help from anybody who'll give it to me. Well, you won't get much help from me, Mr. Parrish. Look, Mrs. Fletcher. This could be a big story- a very big story. The kind that could vault a lowly reporter into an anchorman's chair, maybe even get him a spot with one of the networks. - Well, that sounds lovely, but, uh- - What do you know about the Queen ofTara tiara? Not very much, I'm afraid. Good. As soon as you finish your coffee, let's take a walk. [Ken] Siobhan O'Dea, queen of the silver screen, darling of Broadway, thrice married. This theater was renamed for her in 1972. Oh, yes, I remember seeing her in many movies. She was very beautiful. And still is, or so I'm told from those lucky enough to catch a glimpse of her. Here she is in her last big triumph, staged at this very theater. The Harps of Tara. The year was 1957. My goodness. Isn't that the- The Queen ofTara tiara? Yes and no. Siobhan O'Dea always believed she was descended from the ancient Irish kings of Tara, which is why she commissioned this play. Amazingly, it ran for nearly two years. At the closing night party, she received a gift from her fiancé of the moment, Winfield Sprock. Oh, yes. The aluminum magnate. One and the same. He presented her with a reproduction of the tiara she'd worn in the play- a dozen emeralds, half a dozen diamonds in a gold setting. It was dazzling. They say it's the only time she'd ever cried without the help of drops in her eyes. Oh, how romantic. Before Mr. Sprock could become husband number four, he choked to death on a fried oyster in the Empire Grill. Oh, dear! Would you like some coffee, Mrs. Fletcher? What a good idea. From that moment on, Siobhan O'Dea's life went into a downward spiral. Second-rate movies, short-lived plays, a TV series best forgotten. What the tax man didn't get, the auctioneer did. The tiara was sold a dozen years ago, and with the little money she had left, Siobhan O'Dea went into hiding. Sugar? Oh, just black, thank you. Today she lives in a building across the street, a recluse... waiting to die. She hasn't made a public appearance in 12 years. But, Mr. Parrish, what has all this got to do with me? If I could get her angle on this robbery, this would be a major story, Mrs. Fletcher. I know there's no way she'd ever see me, but I happen to know she's a big fan of yours. Oh, no, no. Don't you see? I know she'd grant you an interview, and then I could interview you- No, no. No. L-I'm sorry, Mr. Parrish. That lady has chosen to shut herself away from the world. Now, I am not going to violate that. Thank you very much. You've been a charming tour guide, and I do wish you the very best of luck. [Andrea] I'm sorry, Mr. Blackthorn. You leave me no choice. Andrea, I need you now more than ever. May I remind you, Miss Dean, you have a contract? Which doesn't include taking a 20% cut in pay. I merely suggested that as a stopgap measure to see us through these troubled times. Please, don't make this more difficult. - Have you received a better offer? - Hudson, there is no offer. [Sighs] I just can't go on like this. Five years ago, when your father gave me my first chance, I felt like I was the luckiest woman alive. But when he died, something died with him. For the past two years, since Miss Raymond was put in charge, nothing has been the same. If you have a specific accusation, I'd like to hear it. All I know is, is that I have been forced to work with inferior gems, that there never seems to be enough money to create the pieces... that gave this store its reputation. No. I've had enough. I'm sorry. We'll find a way to pay your salary, Miss Dean, and you will honor the contract. Excuse me. I seem to have come at a bad time. Oh, not at all, Jessica. Please come in. I can only stay a minute, Hudson. I've decided to go back to Cabot Cove. Must you? I'm afraid I couldn't have picked a worse time to research my book. - Maybe I could come back in a month or two. - I feel terrible about this. Is there anything I can do to change your mind? Just a minute. Mr. Blackthorn, it's almost noon, and there's still no answer in Laszlo Dolby's apartment. Look, they come, they go. This isn't the Y.M.C.A. But you didn't see him at all last night? I told you, lady. I was watchin' the ball game. Huh! Mr. Dolby? Laszlo. Oh, he's been dead for quite some time. I'm callin' the cops! I don't think we should touch anything before the police get here. Maybe we should wait outside. [Stacey] Now, Mrs. DiAngelo- Look, could I get a word in here? Mrs. DiAngelo, just because my son is flunking sophomore English... is not necessarily an indication that he's a poor student. I mean, uh- Well, uh, a teacher-pupil relationship is a two-way street, ma'am, and- Nah, I didn't say you were a lousy teacher. Ma'am- All I'm try- No, Mrs. DiAngelo, all I- What I'm trying to tell you is you seem to have a communication problem! Oh, excuse me, ma'am. We are all overworked and underpaid. Well, fine. Oh, no. You don't mind if, uh- if I bring it up with your principal. - [Receiver Settles In Cradle] - You ever have one of those days? This morning my sink backs up. My husband? Out in Jersey lookin'for work. And my partner's out seeing her shrink. My back is killing me. I don't know. I gotta get a new mattress or somethin'. [Sighs] Oh, you're Mrs., uh, Fleischman, right? Fletcher. Fletcher. Right. Uh, lost Pekinese? No. The stolen tiara. - Last night? Blackthorns? - Oh, right. Yeah. Last night you suggested that I shouldn't leave town, but I do have to get home, so I thought I'd drop by and leave you my telephone number and address in Maine. Well, thank you, ma'am. I appreciate that. Detective Stacey, you may not be aware of this, but last night a man named Laszlo Dolby was murdered. We found his body, uh, just a couple ofhours ago. "We"? Yes. Mr. Blackthorn, Miss Raymond and myself. Mr. Dolby worked for Mr. Blackthorn, and he had been stabbed in the chest. And, uh, you just happened to find the body? Well, yes. You do get around, Mrs. Fletcher. Excuse me. I had nothing to do with the theft of the tiara or Mr. Dolby's death. However, I do think that the two are connected. Well, ma'am, I, uh- I don't handle homicides. [Phone Rings] Excuse me. Stacey. What? Wait a minute. Wait. Could-What? Ma'am, uh, hold it. Can I have your name, please? Uh, well, ma'am, can- I appreciate the information, but we need to have your name and- [Sighs] What's she calling me for? - Who was it? - Some woman. Wouldn't leave her name. She said she, uh, saw some guy hanging' around that apartment... where that, uh, Dolby fella was killed last night. Says she recognized him right away. He was one of those TV news guys. Excuse me. Excuse me, pleasel [Knocking] Oh! You startled me. I thought you were the bellman. Uh, Mrs. Fletcher, I, uh- I realize that this is an imposition, and if you're busy, I will quite understand. Please don't feel that you have to be polite or stand on ceremony. I realize this is quite unusual. Uh, what is unusual? I, uh, am an attorney... for, uh, WQEJ, and, uh, I- [Chuckling] I'm, uh, representing Kenneth Parrish. Won't you come inside, Mr. Persky? Thank you. Now, what exactly is it that I can do for you? Oh, no, not for me. No. Indeed, no. But - But for Kenneth. You see, uh, the station said I should come down and represent him. Uh, which I would never do... because criminal law is outside my area of expertise. I'm a tax attorney. Yes- But I did speak to Kenneth, and I told him... that the station would rally behind him 100%, because if there's one thing they know, it's, uh, loyalty. Uh, Mr. Persky, I don't wish to be rude, but I've got a plane to catch. Oh, dear me, no. Uh- [Chuckling] I mean, uh, you can't. Uh, I mean, Kenneth insists upon talking to you. Me? Well, he says that he's innocent, Mrs. Fletcher, and he says that you can help him prove it. Something about a tiara. I didn't kill him. Why should I kill him? Ken, I was with Detective Stacey... when the anonymous tip came through placing you at Mr. Dolby's apartment. It's a lie. L-I mean, I was there, but no one saw me. And they also have you with a parking violation in a red zone... right around the corner from the apartment. The time was 12:45 a.m. Oh, great. Look, if you want me to help you, and I'm not at all sure that I can, you're going to have to tell me exactly what happened. Now, Mr. Persky said something about the tiara. She's got it. Who? - Siobhan O'Dea. - Are you sure? - Of course I'm sure. I saw him take it to her. - Wait. Now, tell me, slowly, everything that happened from the very beginning. Okay. You know how hard I've been working, trying to drum up a story on Siobhan O'Dea and the tiara. So the night of the robbery, I wasn't getting anywhere with Blackthorn, so I decided to give Miss O'Dea one more try. I pulled up outside her apartment. It must have been just past midnight. I was just about to get out of my car when I spotted him-Laszlo Dolby. I recognized him right away. I'd seen him at Blackthorns that afternoon when I was trying to get the story on the tiara. He was carrying this small package. It was screwy. It was even screwier when the doorman lets him up in the elevator. Blackthorns, Siobhan O'Dea- There's only one common denominator. The tiara. It had to be. He came out about 10 minutes later without the package. I figured I wasn't gonna get anywhere with Miss O'Dea, so I followed Laszlo back to his brownstone in the village. He got lucky. He found a parking place. I didn't. So I finally gave up and parked illegally and went inside the apartment building to talk to him. He refused to let me inside. I think he had someone in there with him. Finally, he just shut the door in my face. Mrs. Fletcher, I know the circumstances look awful for me, but I didn't kill him. Are you sure there was someone in his apartment with him? No, it's just a feeling I had- the way he was acting. Mrs. Fletcher, they think I killed him, and they think I stole the tiara, but I'm telling you, that tiara is in Siobhan O'Dea's apartment. I'd stake my life on it. In fact, that may be just what I'm doing. [Gate Closes] Excuse me, ma'am. The gentleman has been booked for murder. We don't do murders. But you do do robbery, and one of the charges against him is grand theft. I can't just go barging into this lady's apartment. I need a warrant. Chadwick. I gotta show probable cause. What? All I got is this guy's story about some brown paper bag, which could've been a pastrami sandwich. [Jessica] At that hour of the night? You've gotta be kidding me! 190 bucks a month? What? Whose bright idea was that? Look, Detective Stacey. You said yourself less than five minutes ago- Excuse me. That the murder weapon was a stage prop- Look, I happen to have a job. Used by Siobhan O'Dea when she played Lady Macbeth. Of course. Now, there was a connection between her and the victim. I realize my responsibility. The photograph on the wall proves that. Right. I got it. And I am telling you, there are procedures here. Bess. What happened? Kathleen! My co-op association's trying to raise the dues. We're having a meeting. Kathleen, we just happen to have a job here! Terrific. She's the only one with a personal life. My sink's been backed up for two days. Do I go running home? Look, I'm sure- Ma'am, I cannot help you. Now, suppose that I could get into Siobhan O'Dea's apartment. Now, suppose I found the tiara. Would that be good enough? Nobody gets in to see that lady. She's a hermit. Yeah. But if I could? [Sighs] Yeah, I suppose. Good. Then why don't you find out her phone number for me? [Doorbell Buzzes] Yes? Miss O'Dea, it's Jessica Fletcher. Mrs. Fletcher, how kind of you to have called. Please, do come in. Thank you. I do hope you'll forgive me for intruding. I do realize how highly you value your privacy. Oh, yes, but exceptions must be made, mustn't they? Please, come this way. Come, sit over here. I've made tea. Oh, how nice. It isn't true, you know, that I see no one. I do have one or two good friends... who pay me the courtesy of their company from time to time. Yes. Laszlo Dolby, for instance. Oh. A dear, gentle man. He's been terribly in love with me for over 30 years. Through it all, he's been the one person I could really rely on. Isn't it gratifying to have a friend like that? - Sugar? - Oh, no, no. Just as is. Thank you. He dreamed ofbeing a playwright. Poor man. He had the soul of a poet, but his words got lost on the way to the page. After years of rejection, he finally gave up... and went into the jewelry trade. Mrs. Fletcher, I can't tell you... how many wonderful hours of pleasure you've given me. Every book, every page... has been a gift, transporting me from these walls. You made that world out there... seem almost livable. Thank you. But you have such a wonderful gift yourself. Oh, no. No more. No more. The Almighty gave me a ticket to a certain destination. When I felt I had reached it, I got off. And you have your memories. It's enough. You have such a wonderful collection of mementos. Well, you've certainly had a very rich and a very full life, Miss O'Dea. Full, yes, and rich, at times. Sometimes I wish he would come sooner. For every smile, there was a tear as well. You can try to shut them out, but you can't. I needn't tell you that. Oh, no. Oh, my. How lovely! [Chuckles] The Queen ofTara. A man I dearly loved gave it to me. We were engaged to be married, but he died. Afterwards, things were never the same. Where did you get this, Miss O'Dea? I told you. I mean, recently. You lost it several years ago, and now you have it back. It was a gift from a friend. Laszlo Dolby? Oh, Laszlo loves me very much. He'd do anything for me. I know it must have cost him a great deal of money, but I couldn't help it. I had to ask him. Years ago, they stole it from me. The government, those greedy people- they took everything. But when they took this, they took my soul, my very being. Miss O'Dea, there are some people downstairs who would like to meet you... and talk to you about the tiara. Would you mind? You probably aren't aware of this, Mrs. Fletcher, but I am directly descended... from the Celtic kings of Ireland. Oh, yes. It's a proven fact. Laszlo understood that. That's why he reclaimed my crown for me. This is Jessica Fletcher. I'd like to talk to Detective Stacey, please. I think you should come up. I should've booked her. I should've booked her right there. What for? Accepting a gift? How do we know she didn't put him up to it? It could've been her idea. Could've been, but that's hardly proof. I'll give you another "could've been." Maybe that wacko also knocked off the victim. That knife-That's just the kind of thing she would've used. You know what I mean? And how did she get in and out of the apartment without being seen? The doorman said that she never left the building. Excuse me, ma'am, but what do you want from me? You tell me that you think Mr. Parrish is innocent. I say show me. You say you think the tiara is in Siobhan O'Dea's apartment. Okay. I go along. And I appreciate that. If you would tell me what it is I'm supposed to think, I will try and go along. Frankly, I don't know which end is up. This is just great. What now? MyJag. It needs a new fuel pump. You know how much that's gonna cost me? Kathleen, your fuel pump is not the key issue here. I'm supposed to drive to Southampton with Danny this weekend to meet his parents, for Pete's sake! - Chadwick! - She's seeing a doctor. Yeah. You know, he's a, uh, dermatologist. It's a serious relationship. Oh, yes. Yes, of course. I'm talkin' major bucks here, Mrs. Fletcher. And, you know, maybe he's not Mr. Right, but I say, "So what?" - You can't live alone all your life. - Excuse me. Who told you this? And they're sure? Is it possible that we could get back to the case? Really? Huh. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got it. - Hey, Bess. You're gonna love this one. - What? You know that tiara? The one we saw at O'Dea's apartment. It's a phony. I don't understand. This is not the Queen ofTara. Yeah, so we understand from your manager, Miss Raymond, there. It's an excellent copy. It's fine workmanship, but the gems are fourth-rate. Where's the original? That's a good question, sir. - Surely you don't think I know where it is. - A smart man like yourself, sir. You got this little doo-dad here that you can't insure, so, uh, you put a fake on display. You know, under glass. Nobody gets a really good look. My big problem, sir, though, is, uh, where is the original? Well, I don't have it. Why should I? The insurance doesn't even begin to cover its value. Yeah, well, I thought of that. You make a good point there, sir. You might ask yourself though, sir: Who was in a position to make that kind of switch? You know where to reach me. Well, this is incredible. L-I put that tiara in the case myself. Of course you did, Hudson. You know, things are starting to come together. - Do you know who the thief is? - Oh, yes. I'm pretty sure that Laszlo Dolby is responsible. Look, he adored Siobhan O'Dea. Doubtless, he'd have done just about anything for her. But I suspect he might have drawn the line at stealing three million dollars. You said yourself that he was an honest man. He had been, for over 20 years. Doesn't it seem more likely... that Dolby made that copy to give to Siobhan O'Dea? Her eyes were failing. He knew that she would never be able to tell the difference. Do you remember the $1,500 that we found? I think that Mr. Dolby left that... to pay for the gold and the gems that he used to make that replica. And then faked the robbery. To cover himself with Miss O'Dea. Which brings us to Detective Stacey's question: Where is the original, and who got it? Ah, Jessica, I'm afraid there's a flaw in your scenario. Laszlo bought and sold gems. He was not an artisan. He never could have made that copy. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. Hudson. Now, this is very important. The night of the robbery, I saw Miss Raymond arrive just as I was leaving. How long did she stay? Oh, I don't know. An hour or so, I suppose. And after that? After that, she came to my place for a nightcap. I see. And Andrea Dean, your designer? What about her? I never saw her after that. Frankly, I don't care if I ever see her again. She's a very ungrateful young woman. She walked out on her contract. Oh. So she's not in today? No. In fact, the last I heard, she was planning a bus trip to San Francisco. A bus trip? Why? Is she afraid of flying? Not that I know of. - Oh, my goodness. - Jessica, what is it? Well, unless I'm completely off base, your tiara is about to skip town. Keep the change. Thanks. Miss Dean. Yes? Detective Stacey. This is my partner, Sergeant Chadwick. We'd like to ask you a few questions about the theft of the Queen of Tara tiara. - I don't know anything about- - Our car is right over there, ma'am. I have a bus leaving in 35 minutes. Well, I'm afraid you're gonna have to catch another one. Suppose you let us help you with your bags. Well, well, well! What do you know? Officer, you had no right to do that. Excuse me, Miss Dean, but this warrant gives us the right. Yes, this is it. That's the genuine tiara. - How did you know? - Mrs. Fletcher figured it out. Why would somebody travel five days across country by bus when they could get there in five hours by plane? Maybe somebody who didn't want their luggage inspected by an X-ray machine. You want that lawyer now, Miss Dean? No. That won't be necessary. I was so sure that no one had seen me at Laszlo's that night. No one did. You made that anonymous phone call to the police... about the newsman, Ken Parrish. Yes, but how did you know? Because you didn't telephone the homicide division. You phoned Detective Stacey, and she was only investigating a robbery. And yet the caller had to have known about the connection to the murder. You were the person who was hiding in Laszlo Dolby's apartment... when Mr. Parrish came to the door. A couple of weeks ago, Laszlo called me... and asked me to make a copy of the Queen ofTara. He said he wanted to bring happiness to a woman... who had known nothing but misery for the past 12 years. He paid me $2,000 for my trouble. I used inferior gems from the vault. He said, " Oh, it didn't matter. She would never know the difference." And then when I heard about the robbery on the news the other night, I knew Laszlo was responsible. He got home only a moment or two after I got there, and he invited me in. As soon as I got inside, I saw the tiara. [No Audible Dialogue] I demanded to know what was going on. Where was the copy? What had he gotten me into? But then there was a knock at the door, and l-I panicked. I grabbed the tiara, and I ducked into the bedroom. It was that TVnews reporter. I recognized him immediately. He wanted to come in, but-but Laszlo got rid ofhim. All I wanted to do was to get out of there, but he grabbed me. He wouldn't let me go. He was in a rage. He hit mel I was terrified for my lifel I grabbed the knife- I didn't-[Sobs] I didn't mean to kill him. I just wanted to return the tiara. [Sobbing Continues] But then when he was dead, I knew no one would believe my story. Andrea, I think I'd better get you a lawyer. You don't mind, do you? No, sir. I, uh - I think that would be a good idea. Ah, poor kid. I feel sorry for her. Well, don't feel too sorry, Hudson. After all, she did try to frame an innocent man. Yeah, I suppose you're right. Hudson, about the copy of the tiara. You don't have any, uh, real use for it, do you? No. After all, Laszlo did pay for the gems that he used. Do you want it for a souvenir, Jessica? Of course. Oh, no. No, not for me. I know someone who I think would appreciate it a great deal more than I would. [music continues] (male on radio) By a vote of six to four, the city council has approved new zoning restrictions for the parkside development project. In sports, in spite of earlier setbacks city officials are confident that the new sports arena will open as scheduled in the fall as previously announced. Team training will move to the new facility in August. The weather outlook for tomorrow is much of the same. High in the 60's, low in the 50's with gusty winds and a 30% chance of rain. And finally, some good news for a change on the crime scene. Latest statistics from the County Crime Bureau show armed robbery is down five percent. Aggravated assault three percent. Stolen cars two percent. Super...boy.. ..and under appreciated fine police department. Now we go live to city auditorium for an update on the southeastern beauty contest. [alarm blaring] Here they are folks, 15 of the world's most beautiful girls entering the first southeastern beauty pageant. And they pay me to do this. Here's the beautiful Tracy Cummings. - Miss Georgia. - Thank you. The lovely Ms. Leslie Hepburn. Miss Alabama. And the gorgeous, Jennifer Jenkins. Miss Florida. (male #1) Hey, Superboy, we could use some help in here. You said, come back when I had a million bucks. Well, baby, it won't be long now. [intense music] Tell you what, Zeke, I've never been hit so hard in my life. I got to get a X-Ray this morning. I think it's busted. And you're absolutely sure it was Superboy? - Positive. - I just don't understand. Why would Superboy steal half a million dollars worth of diamonds? The kid's strong enough to compress coal and make his own. Are you calling me a liar? All I'm saying is that you could be mistaken. He was wearing Superboy's outfit. Yeah, maybe you were hit so hard, you're hallucinating. Who else could melt open a vault like that? I just can't believe it. It was hard for me to believe too. But one thing's for sure, nobody, not even Superboy is above the law. (male on intercom) Yes, lieutenant? Put out an APB on Superboy. (male #1) We're opening the doors in five minutes, everyone. Five minutes, let's go. [T.J. chuckling] I can't believe. You're wasting your film. We're only gonna run the picture of Ms. Jennifer Jenkins because that's who we're doing the story on. I know. These are for my wall. I've never seen these many beautiful girls in all my life. And that includes my dreams. Miss, uh, Ms. Jenkins? Hi, we're here to do a story on you cause you once went to Shuster. Actually, he's doing the story, I'm taking the pictures. And, uh, a picture's worth a thousand words, right? So, um, say cheese and T.J. White's my kinda guy. It's nice to meet you both. What would you like to know? Uh, well, um.. What's your favorite, um.. What's the word I'm looking for? I'm sorry. Um.. Do you surf? What do you like to do? God, this is, uh.. Stay on the floor and keep your heads down. Okay, move. They must've hit the alarm by now. [alarm ringing] [tires screeching] - TJ...your hair is on fire. - Yeah. Spaced out, over Miss Florida, huh? She is pretty though, isn't she? Yeah. Let's see what's going on in the real world. (dispatch on radio) Suspect vehicle is headed east on Ninth. Unit 36 has made contact and is in pursuit. [siren wailing] That's right up the street. What are we waiting for? We got an invitation, didn't we? [instrumental music] (dispatch on radio) Attention, Units 14 and 15. Set up road block in Riverfront bridge. Units 16 and 17. Road block approach to Interstate Four. [music continues] (Clark) Come on, T.J., we're losing them. (T.J.) If I step on it any harder, my foot will go through the floor. [music continues] (dispatch on radio) Attention, all units. Repeat. Proceed with extreme caution. Suspects are armed and dangerous. [tires screeching] [siren wailing] [music continues] I guess they're not making 'em like they used to. Those were supposed to be new tires. (dispatch on radio) Chopper Alpha. Chopper Alpha. Fly cover for ground units in pursuit. - Oh, man! - Clark? Oh! [upbeat music] [siren wailing] [tires screeching] (male #2) Turn around, head right at 'em. (male #3) You crazy? We'll get killed. I mean, we die. So do they. And I say they're chicken. [upbeat music] First you drive us off the road. And now you save our lives. No time for explanations, gentlemen. I've got some unfinished business to attend to. You're not going anywhere, Superboy. You're under arrest for armed robbery. [intense music] Why, Superboy? Why did you do it? If I were guilty, why would I let them bring me in? I don't know, but we have some witnesses that place you at the scene of both crimes. Did they say I flew or used any of my superpowers? Did I bend steel with my hands? There are some indications of that. Lieutenant, someone is impersonating me committing serious crimes, I've got to find them. Look, I know, no jail will hold you against your will. I want your word that you won't break out. I won't. Let me out on my own recognizance. I-I can't. Look. The department's been under attack and, uh...they're saying that we are soft on crime. Lieutenant. Armed robbery is a serious charge. For anybody else, we'd set bail at 10,000. I'll talk to the DA and make it 500 for you. Where am I gonna get $500? Can I make a phone call? [indistinct chatter] Thank you. [telephone ringing] - Hello? - Clark Kent, please. Uh, he's not here. This is T.J., uh, who's calling? Superboy. Yeah, yeah, right. And I'm Robert Redford. I haven't got time for games. I got some pictures developing. So, who is this? Did Robert Redford save you from being crushed in a junkyard? Oh, gee, Superboy, um.. I-I don't know where Clark is. I'm looking for him myself actually. T.J., I need your help. I'm down at police headquarters and there's been a little misunderstanding. I need to borrow some money for bail. You need to be bailed out of jail? It's a long story. I'll tell you about it when you're here. Right. Four hundred and fourty, 460, 480, 500. Can't thank you enough, Lana. Well, it's about time I saved you. You've saved me often enough. I'm just glad I had the money. I am too. Superboy, we could use your help. Thanks again. If we could find the car the perpetrators used we could find them. You read my mind, Lieutenant. You know, I haven't seen Clark all day. Yeah, I'm gonna lay a bomb on him. Now what did he do? He left me chasing a spare tire into the lake and then when I finally did catch up to him, I.. Jennifer Jenkins. I, I bet you he's down at the civic pretending he's doing a follow up on our story. - Do you wanna come? - No, thanks. Beauty pageants aren't my thing. But you can drop me off at the library. [audience clapping] Ladies and gentlemen, as our pageant draws to a close it is time to announce our three finalists. But, ladies, I want you to know that whoever our queen is in my book, you are all winners. The three finalists are.. ...Miss Georgia. [audience clapping] Miss Alabama. [audience clapping] And Miss Florida. [audience applauding] [upbeat music] [birds chirping] Police headquarters. Thanks, Susan. This is wonderful. [indistinct chattering] Jennifer? Hugo, why you dressed as Superboy? Why. Don't you remember? You said you were crazy about him. Oh, come on, that was a fantasy crush. Like on a movie star. You wanted Superboy, now you got him. Hugo, why don't you leave me alone. You promised to marry me if I came up with a million dollars. Where would you get a million dollars? Don't underestimate me. We're getting married and a deal's a deal. I wouldn't marry you if you had all the money in the world! Put me down! [upbeat music] Put me down! I got a great place across the river. [intense music] Hey! Hugo! Aah! Hugo, let me.. Aah! Now don't you move. [music continues] [upbeat music] [music continues] - T.J., what happened? - I'm alright. I'm okay. Um, that Super.. that phony Superboy slugged me. But he took Jennifer. I heard him say he was taking her somewhere across the river. How long ago? Uh, 15-20 minutes. Don't be a hero. Let him take care of you. [upbeat music] Hey, Rudy, give me a hand, will ya? Just a second, I don't wanna lose my place. Get outta the van, sweetheart. You'd better let me go. Better take me back if you know it's good for you. Hey, Rudy, watch her for me. I'm gonna go find a minister. [upbeat music] [intense music] [metallic clanging] [music continues] [upbeat music] Where are you hiding Jennifer? That's for me to know and for you to find out. That's not hard. Running around impersonating me has gone to your head. Sure, big deal. With your superhuman powers, of course, it isn't a fair fight. But if you fought without 'em, a plain fight, man to man that'd be another story. - That could be arranged. - You serious? You won't use any of your superpowers? Not one, I promise. (Hugo) This is gonna be fun. [clang] Ah-ha-ho-ho! You expected a glass jaw? [clang] Ah-ha-ho-ho! Or feet of clay? Help! Superboy. I gave you my word, I wouldn't use any superpowers. I release you. You'll tell me where Jennifer is? Anything! Superboy! Superboy! Save me! Help! (Superboy) Lieutenant, you're not seeing double. This imposter will be more than happy to sign a full confession to the crimes committed in my name. Right, Hugo? And then exchange his Superboy costume for another one. Something with grey stripes would be appropriate. Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. The winner of the Southeastern beauty pageant is Miss Florida. But, unfortunately, she is not present. Now, contest rules specify that if the winner is unavailable to accept, the prize goes to the runner up who in this case is, Miss.. [indistinct chatter] Thanks for the lift, Superboy. [audience clapping] [audience cheering] [upbeat music] Excuse me, pardon me, pardon me. Excuse me, pardon me. Hey, hey, ho-ho. Excuse me. Pardon me. Oh, sorry. [upbeat music] Pardon me. Forgive me. - Oh! God. Sorry. - Oh. I'm... I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - Anytime. - Okay. What did I miss? Everything, as usual. [music continues] [theme music] Captioned by Grant Brown RICHARDS: Detective Mills, when you were at IAD, did you ever interview Detective Crockett? Many times. Did you form an opinion of him as an officer? Yes, I did. May we hear that opinion? In my view, Detective Sonny Crockett is a liability to this department. He's insubordinate, erratic, and I believe this so-called memory loss is a scam and an outrage. I think he should be booted from the force. Isn't it true that you saw Sonny Crockett murder a fellow police officer? Yagovitch was a bad cop. Sonny killed him in self-defense. RICHARDS: Detective Crockett also tried to kill you. RICO: Yes. When he thought he was Burnett. Afterwards he also saved my life. When he was back to Crockett again. If it hadn't have been for Sonny, Cliff King would have killed me. See, I've worked five years with this man side by side. And I know that Sonny Crockett is no killer. And once his memory returned? He came back to the OCB on his own accord. And subsequently broke out of jail. To prove his innocence. He exonerated himself by bringing down Cliff King and the remaining members of the Carrera drug family. All Detective Crockett did was his job. Detective Crockett has sustained a severe head injury and I see nothing there to contradict the diagnosis of amnesia. What about the fact that he's unable to remember any of his actions in the two months in question? Couldn't that be a convenient lapse of memory? The answer to your question is that I'm a neurosurgeon. You're questioning Detective Crockett's mental capacities. That determination should be made by a psychiatrist. Not me. As you know, this is not a police hearing. No charges of murder have been filed. However, given the circumstances, it is my recommendation pending further investigation in the aforesaid Manolo, Carrera, and Yagovitch homicides that you shall be placed on furlough until further notice. You should submit yourself to a psychiatric examination, after which your status will be re-evaluated. Hey, don't look so glum, partner. It could've been worse. (CLEARS THROAT) Right. Hey, look, you go see the psychiatrist, he checks you out, and you're back in business. Yeah, sure. I just listened to what everyone said in there. The things I've done, the things I can't remember. I can't believe that that was me. Jesus, Rico. What kind of a person am I? (UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING) (SINGING) Man this sucks! (PRISONERS SHOUTING) MAN: Hey, hey, give us a break, come on. No. I want to take a trip. MAN: Yeah! MAN 2: Take one now! Take a long swim to Alcatraz! Oh, man! No. I think I'm gonna take a boat ride all the way to Rikers Island. (MAN SHOUTING) No. I think I wanna do some time, some long time in Sing Sing! Man, this is bad! (SHOUTING) Get me the hell out of here! (MUFFLED SPEECH) MAN: (MUFFLED) Come on, man, you got 10 seconds to get me out of here. Hurry up. Come on, hurry up! I can't breathe in here. Hey, man, we're here. It's about time, you putz. DRIVER: That ride was too much, man. You should've seen Mr. Motown out there. Talking freaked out. It's just made things easier, you know. Did you bring what we asked? These things work? They should. Yeah, they work. Rock and roll. Was that how you got all these diplomas, Doc? Sitting around and not saying anything? That's a hell of a job. I ought to have this job. What's wrong with your job, Detective? That's good, Doc. That's very good. You gave me an opening. (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) Don't you just love this new age music, Scotty? I mean, it's so restful. I never really looked at the lawn before, and now I hear the music and I hear the grass and all the little insects, and everything. I mean, it just gives me goose bumps. Oh, really. Scotty? Scotty! Scotty, I've been thinking a lot lately about crystals. What do you think? You think I should get into crystals? Scotty? Of course you do. You feel things very deeply. (TIRES SCREECHING) (GLASS BREAKING) Oh, great. Do I need this? I think not. Let me be very direct with you. You, as in both of you, are not wanted here. I'm sorry, maybe I didn't make myself clear. Let me put this to you another way. Good bye. And good luck. Oh, well, that is real polite. Scotty! Scotty, this animal almost knocked me down! Will you do something? Cruz, Wilson. WILSON: I hope you've got something to drink. And the treasure map. Yeah. Scotty, this is our tango class night. You tell them to go back under whatever rock they came out of. WILSON: What a bimbo! Scotty! Scotty McKenna, I'm talking to you! I'm in these scenes all the time, where I, you know... My job, I go undercover, and I've had to live these lives where I forget who I am, bury my identity, take on another. Maybe that's the reason, huh? Maybe because I never had one. Since I came back, (SIGHS) I felt so distant, like I'm on the other end of this tunnel, this long tunnel, and everybody else is way over there and I'm sitting here in this black room, all by myself. You know, when I... When I'm under, I have to deal with all these low-lifes, sleezeoids, but I'm not afraid. In fact, I feel most comfortable there. But these days, now, I'm scared. (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) (ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYING) (SINGING) (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) WILSON: He don't like rock and roll. Hey, no problem. (MUSIC STOPS) I thought you guys would never get here. Hope the knots weren't too tight. Hey, Scotty, I always knew you weren't no rocket scientist, but Miriam? That's a whole new bad thing. Hey, the broad has a job, okay? We got a pool, cable. She's a real shanker, man. $15? $15? Fifteen frigging lousy dollars? Aw, hell, Cruz. That's all the cash Miriam has on hand. Ain't you got no credit cards, Scotto? No, Miriam has the cards. I knew we should have blown you off. Shut up, Cruz. Scotty's a real stand-up guy. Oh, yeah. Besides, tomorrow we'll have everything. Hey, buck, you heard from Doc Jerry lately? When anything went down my friends were always there for me. Rico, God, I love that guy. But now he's afraid of me. Rico thinks, they all think that I could become Burnett again. And that scares me, too. Would you trust me? God, I'm not even sure if I trust myself anymore. What do you think, Doc? Am I ready for Bonkersville? No. You've been through a terrible trauma, your fears are very real. It's just gonna take some time for your friends to come around. You think they will? Yeah. But first, you have to take care of yourself. You need a vacation. Cash or credit? Neither. What? I'm supposed to get a discount. Discount. What kind? One hundred percent. Afraid you're out of luck, mister. That won't do you any good. This here, bulletproof glass. And I'm locked up in here snug as a bug. Go. So you can just take your little friend there and stuff it back in your pocket and go back into the hole you crawled out of. I need that. And just take it on out of here. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, what're you doing? Pretty hot out here. Must be what, 90? It's gonna get real toasty in there. Hey, now, now, let's not get salty here. I'll tell you what. You give everything you got in the register, forget about pumping gas and we'll be on our merry way. The purse, too. Please, go away now. No! No, don't! No! No, don't! (SHOUTING) Whoa, whoa! Hold it there. MAN: Got a rod? The bass supposed to be biting this time of year. You ever do any fishing? Yeah. Yeah. Where at? Where'd you fish at? I'm sorry, old man. Good luck. I want to show you something. Come here, right over here. You can get an absolutely fantastic view of Cassiopeia. That really sounds wonderful. We can use our binoculars. I think we need to buy a telescope. Listen, with all the money you're gonna save on this property, you could set up your own observatory. (DOORBELL RINGS) Oops. Must be someone else wanting to look at the place. You guys think about it. Let me know what you think. We're talking steal, here. Real steal. Be right back. Hi, there. I don't think you people are on my list. What a shame. Doc Jerry's on our list. Where is he? Doc Jerry? There's no one here by that name. This is 435 Mayberry, right? Yes, but there's... Then, he's here. Wait a second, you can't just march in here like you own the place. I'm calling my supervisor. Meet my supervisor. Doc Jerry? Yeah, that name does ring a bell. (MUFFLED SPEECH) (I'M SO LONESOME I COULD CRY PLAYING) What'll it be? Give me a beer. Throw in a shooter. You got it. That's my favorite song. Tune's been punched so many times, it sounds all scratchy like an old Louisiana hayride. Yeah, it sure brings back some memories. My daddy used to bring me to an old snooker hall when I was a kid. (CHUCKLES) I can still see the yellow cone of light shining down on the green felt, balls clicking together. And old Hank on the box. My daddy'd lean down, lean over me, and show me how to line up the shots. There wasn't a man in the country who could beat him at snooker. How long has it been since he died? Long time. I'll buy you a drink? Rules of the management say never drink while you're pouring. To hell with the management. To dark bars and fair women. Kathleen Gilfords. Sonny Crockett. You waiting for someone in particular? Maybe. Tell you what, you sit a while, Sonny. I get off at 6:00 a.m. Maybe you'll get lucky and I'll show you my country music collection. (BOTH CHUCKLE) (TUNING RADIO) (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Good ole Miriam. (ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYING) (SCATTING) What do you think? Guy's polluting the atmosphere. Let's check it out. (PLAYING AIR GUITAR) Only when he came home from the sea. And then he spent most of his time in some bar with his buddies getting wasted. It's been 20 years since... You don't want to hear this stuff. When I want you to stop talking, I'll let you know. (CHUCKLES) Hey, I'll pick up some toast and coffee and I'll scramble your eggs. My place is just a couple blocks away. What's the matter? Jesus! What's the matter? Get up against the car. Spread your legs. Come on, spread 'em. Keep your hands on the car, don't move, don't turn around. Sonny! (KATHLEEN SCREAMING) (SHOUTING) Listen. I'm a cop. I'm okay. I'll get you an ambulance. No, you go after them, I'll get the ambulance. Are you all right? Yeah. All right. Police. Come on, get out. Hey! Hey! Sorry. Where's your badge? I'll send it to you. Hey! Hey! Oh, man, you're nuts, certifiable. Shooting cops. They were in the way. Yeah? Then why'd you go and grab her? Nice lips. (ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYING) (CLICKS) (MUSIC STOPS) Hey, you sure we're on the right road? The lady said Doc Jerry's place was out in the sticks. It's out past Pine Key. I got the map right here. We're home free. Oh, yeah? Then who's that? Blondie. (COCKS GUN) Who is this guy? A friend. Yeah? Say bye-bye. (GROANING) RICO: It's an ugly scene, Lieutenant. One dead, the other one's gonna make it but he's shot up pretty bad. They grabbed the girl. Sonny took after them with this guy's car. Hatch said they've already got an APB out on these three crazies. Cruz and Wilson. Broke out of the state pen two days ago. They were doing 15 years for an armored car rip-off. A million dollars never recovered. They refused to roll over on accomplices. Bet you ten bucks, they're gonna beeline for the money. Wilson's beat three assault charges and a murder rap till he got nailed for the armed robbery. Cruz is worse. Total sociopath. He wants something, nothing stands in his way. The man who engineered the break's already dead. Third man's the driver. Until we got something more, Sonny's on his own. Hell of a vacation. Get out. Get out of there. Wait a second... Go on, move! Get out. Get out. Go stand over there. Did you see a white Mercedes blow through here? Yeah, headed toward Pine Key. A couple of hours from here. All right, now listen, I'm a cop. You get to a phone, you tell the police to meet me there. Anyone can get one of those. Get to a phone. Move! Hey, wait a sec! You can't just leave a guy here! Hey! Hey, Doc! You got company! Man, this place is empty! Go in there and check the other rooms. Bitch clawed me trying to get away. Doc Jerry fly the coop? Good. Don't talk. (RIFLE COCKING) He must have been expecting company. There's more stuff in the bedroom. Great! So what do we do now? We wait. You stay away from me. (MIMICKING) You stay away from me. Come on, Cruz. There's no need for that. I just mean... Oh, God. Broke my nose. Stay away from me, you... (MIMICKING) Stay away from me, you pig! KATHLEEN: Stay away from me! Let go of me! Let go of me! (KATHLEEN SCREAMING) All dressed up and no place to go. (CRUZ MOCKING) If you ever want to wear a hat again, drop the gun. You got 10 seconds to tell me who you are and what you're doing here. (CLICKS) Time's up. Long time no see, Doc. You never called. You never wrote. I can explain. Good. We're dying to hear it. Oh, you shouldn't have come here, Blondie. Come on, I'll make you a nice cup of tea. Get in here. Come on, we'll have a little party. Get in there. (KATHLEEN WHIMPERING) What kind of man are you? You a hero, huh? You're a tough guy? Huh? What are you, Blondie? You a good man? Maybe a bad man? Huh? Now, you're not answering me, Blondie. Stop it! He's a cop, damn it. He's a cop? He's a dead cop. Cut it out, Cruz. WILSON: Now, let's get down to business here. Yeah, I want to see some green. I want to see him dig a grave and lie in it. Later. We need a hostage. He needs the stash, Doc. It's not here. Maybe you'd like to take Blondie's place? I can take you there. You watch Blondie. He moves, kill him. (DOOR CLOSES) (ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYING) He held me at gunpoint, he took my new jeep and if anything happens to that Blaupunkt... Did he say where he was going? He's headed toward Pine Key. Which way is that? About 20 miles from here, at 67. Yeah, all right, all right. Scotty, think they're gonna come back for you? Sure they are. They're my buds. Your buds, huh? And you think your buds, Cruz and Wilson, will come all the way back here for you? To split up, how much is it, a million dollars? They're gonna come all the way back here to split up a million dollars three ways when they can walk away and split it up two? Wilson would. Maybe, but Cruz is calling the shots. He broke your face, man. And you lick his feet. Cut it out! Shut up. I don't... All right, I'm sorry, man. I just hate to see you mixed up in all this mess. You know, you could still walk away from all this, Scotty. I can tell the judge that you cooperated. No. No way. Or you could take the fall right along with those other two. A cop-killing rap. Do you know what they do in the State of Florida to cop killers? Shut up! I mean it, now. You ever seen somebody take the juice, Scotty? First they jerk. Then all the hair on their body starts to burn. You ever smell hair burning? God, I miss Miriam. I don't know. I just want Miriam. Scotty, get over here and cut me down right now. You don't want this. Come on. Come on, now. Scot. You get over here and cut me down right now. Do it! Oh, thanks, Scotto. Sorry, Scotty. Sleep well. It better be soon, Doc. (SHUSHING) I'll lose count. 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34. (GASPS) Surprise, Cruz. There is no money. That's not good for your health, Doc. You told me to take care of it, right? I invested it, in the market. Remember the crash? It's all gone, Cruz. You don't want me. You should talk to my broker. See, I knew if you got out, you'd come after me. That's how come I kept my little treasure chest buried right here. This is all that's left for you, Cruz. (CLICKING) That's too bad, Doc. Bye, Doc. CRUZ: Damn, Doc Jerry. I never liked him. This sucks! I gotta get some pleasure out of all this. (ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYING) That moron! He's supposed to be with Blondie. I'm gonna wrap that thing around his neck. I'll take care of it. Not so fast, Red. You and me got some unfinished business. No. (MUSIC STOPS) (CALLS) (GRUNTS) Come on. (GROANS) (SCREAMING) Go ahead. Scream. I like that. (GUNSHOT) Toss you gun away. You're a real tough guy, aren't you? You can't kill me, Blondie. You're a cop. (BOTH GRUNTING) Bye, Blondie. (GUN COCKS) (GUNSHOT) Hell of a vacation, huh? It's just another day at the beach, partner. (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) Last call. Well, here's to better days and quiet nights. Sounds good. So, I guess you'll be heading back towards Miami? Well, actually, I had thought of moving on. I always wanted to see more of the coast. Had? Well, the scenery's pretty nice around here, too. Unless you've got other plans. I don't ask much of a man, Sonny. He doesn't have to be rich. He doesn't even have to stick around that long. I only ask three things. Only three? That he treats me kind, that he's a good dancer. Yes? What's the third? Well, two out of three ain't bad. We are talking with the legendary author, uhm, authoress, which do you prefer author or authoress? I really don't see what sex has to do with it, do you? (laughing) With the legendary writer, Ms. Laura Lansing. (applauding) Ms. Lansing's latest novel is called Penthouse Paradise. Now this is actually your second novel with the word penthouse in the title, do you like penthouses? Well I sure do. I live in one, I think everyone should. It gives one a perspective on life, the spirit soars. (majestic music) Okay kids. Dinner. Move! Come on! It's time honey. Oh Junior shut that thing off. Come on Malcolm. I said shut that thing off. I wanna watch the cartoon. [Mom] Well you can watch it in here. Where's Dad? He's gonna be late again. I'm not hungry. I got hot dogs. I'm here Janet. Yes Ms. Whimms. (bell dinging) [Doris] Hello Larry. Hello. I know, I'm a bit early. Oh that's all right, she's had her run and her swim. She's on the telephone of course. I'll be as quiet as mouse. (speaking foreign language) Want any coffee? I'd love it. Oh that hat, I love that hat. (speaking foreign language) You're not due today, you're due tomorrow. I know dear, but uh, there was some urgency. What about it? About the new book. Sit down, if you sit in that chair and push that little button you'll get a massage. Oh, a lower back would be nice. Oh I've had such pain. [Laura] Push lower back. Ah... What about the new book? [Larry] Well Laura dear, I'm afraid I have some rather unpleasant news. Oh? I hardly know to say it. [Laura] Oh just say it. Well the fact is, Willburn and Frederick don't want it. Don't want it, what do you mean? Don't want it? [Larry] Look how do I turn this off. I'll turn you off. What do you mean Willburn and Frederick don't want it? They've published me since I was a child. I made millions for them. Darling you were a sensation in your 20s. A household word in your 40s. An institution in your 60s. But in your... Watch it! Why don't they want it? Now Laura dear, you mustn't get yourself... Doris call Barbara Walters. Tell her I can't possibly lunch with her today, tell her I'm dead. God knows I may be by lunchtime. [Doris] What's wrong? What's wrong, I'm chopped liver. I'm down the drain, I'm out with the garbage. You'll feel better after your rubdown. Why? Well they seem to feel you've lost touch. Lost touch? With what? With the real people, normal people. Well they feel you don't know them. What they're like, how do they live. What do you mean real people, look at today, Barbara Walters, Clint Eastwood, Jackie Onassis, a little late supper with Calvin Klein. Just folks. [Larry] Whose folks? My folks. Penthouse Paradise isn't selling. Who says? Laura, it is not selling. I know this isn't proper agent talk, but you are of a certain age. Watch that. Well now I'm sorry darling, but you've plenty of money. And I've been wondering if you've ever given any thought to well, closing shop. Closing shop? Yes dear, take life easy. You mean not work, not write? That's death! Don't worry Larry, if poor old Willburn and Frederick are out, I'll get me another publisher but I'll keep on writing, I expect to go to my grave typing. Real people, hah, I'm just as real as they are. Just as down to earth, underneath that is. Look out there Larry all those darling people working away, you could prop me down in any one of their dear little homes and I'd fit right in like a cozy old aunt. Don't make me laugh. I would remind you Larry, that when I was writing. Love Can Be Cold, I spent nearly a month in an igloo with eight Eskimos. And I survived. Yes, but did the Eskimos? Oh. Darling I love you, you're adorable. But in the house in the suburbs with a normal family, you wouldn't last a week. Would you care to bet? (frolicking music) Hold the door please, hold the door, hold the door. Hold it, thank you. (elevator dinging) Good morning Mr. Baumgartner. Oh, good morning. I'm Walter Gomphers, I work in the accounting department. Oh yes. [Secretary] Can you take these for me, thank you. Morning Mr. Baumgartner. Oh good morning Marie. Have a nice day. What, oh yes, thanks. What exactly is the bet? That I could spend a week with a so-called normal family, living somewhere outside of New York City. I could telephone when I'll escape into Manhattan. If I stick it out, Larry has to pay the lucky family 500 bucks a day for their trouble. If I can't, I pay. 500 dollars a day? And! And what? If I lose I give up writing. Oh Laura. When your agent is urging you to quit, you pretty much know where you stand. Don't you dear? But surely you're not going through with this silly bit. (mumbling), besides there's nothing to worry about. Larry has to come up with the normal family. And Larry hasn't known anyone normal in years. I'd appreciate it if you could send that over right away, thank you. Hi. Oh hi, Mr. Baumgartner. Busy are we? Well, yes I have to get those reports finished. Mr. Baumgartner could I talk to you about an idea... How long have you've been with us, uh? - Gomphers. - Gomphers. Nine years. You see sir, I have this idea for the accounting department that I think would improve... Much of a commute? What? Well from where you live to here for instance? Portal to portal about an hour. You know the Long Island Railroad. You live on Long Island? Yes, uh Hicksville, it's not far Levittown. We like it up there. About my idea sir... We, who's we? My wife and the kids. Oh you have children, how many, what age? I have a photograph, would you like to see it? I'd love it. That's my wife Melody. Kind of a funny name isn't it. Before we were married her name was Melody Lane. She kinda liked it but, I was glad when she changed it, Melody Gomphers sounds more like her. Excuse me, (mumbling), Mr. Gomphers. Thank you Violet. You're certainly welcome. Oh excuse me Mr. Baumgartner. Walter. Walter. Do you live in an apartment or a house? Oh we have a house, it's not paid for yet, it's in a very nice area. Do you have a guest bedroom? You wanna visit? Is it true Ms. Lansing that you were intimate with Gandhi? Oh I wouldn't say intimate. Oh I didn't mean intimate, but you knew him. Of course. What was he like? He was sweet. And didn't you dine recently with Queen Elizabeth in London? Oh yes, yes, I did. [Interviewer] And what was she like? She was regal. Are these the dishcloths that are on sale? Guess what happened today. Hi honey. Mr. Baumgartner, the Executive Vice President of the whole agency, in charge of some of the biggest clients we've got, came to my office today. [Melody] No. [Walter] Didn't call me to his, came to mine. I still don't get it. We can make a cool 500 dollars a day for doing nothing. Just nothing. That's what I don't get. Annette, will you please turn that racket down, you're supposed to be doing your homework. He wants a change, he said. Now, please honey. (rock music) Who? I told you, he wouldn't tell me. Actually though, I think maybe what we're dealing with here is Mr. Baumgartner's mother. [Melody] Oh Walter Junior help Malcolm. He's gotta go to the bathroom. [Walter Junior] I'm watching the show. Just do it. If she wants a change, why doesn't he send her to some place fabulous, like Atlantic City. Turn it down, Annette! I've got the impression he wants her to have the pleasure of being with a nice normal family. Oh. Want some (mumbling)? If I turn down the music I can't concentrate, you want me to concentrate? I want you to turn down the music. [Walter] Honey please turn down the music. Okay, but don't blame me if I turn into a total nerd. You won't. Maybe she just wants to get out of Manhattan, and breathe some fresh air. Yeah the air stinks here. Maybe we could finally pay for Annette's teeth. [Melody] Do you want some ice cream? No, okay. Oh they were out of chocolate chip. [Walter] Don't worry about it. - Walter. - Hmm? This Mr. Baumgartner, he's pretty high up isn't he? I mean at the office? Executive Vice President. Walter you know what? What? This could be it. What's it? Your promotion. They never noticed me, nine years. But when you tell them your idea. - Nine years. - He'll notice you now. Oh honey! Maybe we could get a new dishwasher. Don't let your ice cream melt. How old is she? He didn't say, I did ask. All he'd say was she was getting on. Getting on? That's all he said. Getting on. That could be really old. She could be an invalid. Gee I wonder if we could get one of those handrail things so she could get in and out of bed on her own. You're talking money. Oh... Who is gonna pay for her food? Oh I said we would, how much more can she eat? Another hot dog, a little more soup. It's a gesture on our part. That's nice Walter. I'll be back at five. [Doris] Have you got any money? Now why should I need any money? You should always carry some money, just in case, here. Take this. (phone ringing) Tell them I'm out. Hello? Oh hello Larry. Yes she's here. All right, he says it's important, it's about your bet. (calming music) Yes Larry? What, well, uh next week, I'm going to be at a convention in California with Jane Fonda. Something about a coastline. No, no, (mumbling). What? An accountant? Three children? Normal? Hicksville? (calming music) Now listen Wally, we don't know this person but I'm sure she's a very sweet old lady and we wanna be very kind and considerate to her. Is she poor or something? I don't know but if she is we won't say anything won't we? Oh no that was a mistake, don't like that, that's okay. You may want some of these. What shall I take Doris, I want to fit in. Simple, something simple. You mean white? All in white, a filmy diaphanous white. I don't wanna look like the Ghost of Marley. Oh, I know, Janet, there's that robe the Dalai Lama gave me. What do you think, the beautiful housewife wear, (mumbling)? Of course not, you're not going to the Old West you know. Aprons, I suppose, day and night aprons. Nothing but aprons as far as the eye can see. I don't wanna sweep down here. Think of it as an adventure. There aren't any windows. What do you want windows for? Well for one thing, ventilation. And who knows, I might wanna look out, see if it's raining, see if it's day, see if it's night. You can come upstairs for that. Here help me with this cot. I hate this cot. Walter Junior I have had about enough. You loved this cot. You said it was just fine when Grandma came. I lied. Please, please cooperate. I'm nervous enough as it is hmm? Now go upstairs and bring down anything else you think you'll need, get Annette to help you. [Walter Junior] She's not here. Where is she? [Walter Junior ] Who knows, she went off with some boy after school. What boy? [Walter Junior] Some boy! (upbeat music) Annette, turn that off and go to sleep honey. [Annette] What? [Melody] I just wanted to say good night. Good night. Night. (calming music) Honey. Hmm? It's Saturday night. Have you got everything Howard? I think so Ms. Lansing. Good. Why all the luggage, it's only a week. I wanna look right. Where's my typewriter? Oh Lord. Now who's going to cook for you? The dear little housewife, Emma. You just can't eat anything, you need the best and you need it specially prepared. I'm sure she wouldn't dream of giving me anything but the very best. Hmm, here. Here's a nice little packing I made for you to nibble on. I'm gonna miss you Emma. Okay, I've got it. [Larry] Do you plan to do some writing? Why I gotta, I'm a writer, ain't I? (warm anticipatory music) Look, all the houses are exactly alike. How would they know which one is theirs? Oh, how green the grass is. And I'm sure they get a sunset, in the rear. How do you do, I'm... Laura Lansing. Heavens. You must be Mr. Gomphers, is your wife given to seizures? Not that I know of. [Larry] I think she's coming around. Good, she should've been told, the excitement has been too much for her, you poor dear, are you a fan of my books? No. Well then, why? I've seen you on talk shows. You scare me to death. Shall we go in? Yes, we should. What are these? Oh the (mumbling). How do you do, I'm to be your house guest. Yes I can see they're thrilled. What a charming little country cottage. (baby cackling) Ms. Lansing. Yes dear? If I'd known it was you I'd have, I'd have uhm... Yes dear? Changed the wallpaper. I should've phoned ahead. Howard fetch the champagne please. I brought a case of champagne, just in case we had a thirst. We don't drink, usually. Can we go now? Please everyone, I would like to say a word. Dear friends, dear (mumbling), I want you to know one thing about me, I am without ego... (coughing) Well I mean I do have normal ego. But I want to be treated as if I was simply one of you. I assure you I won't intrude on your little lives, in any way. You'll never know I'm here. Just go about your businesses if I didn't exist. Howard, there are two bottles cold. Uh, Larry you'll give him hand? Is it a bit warm in here, airless, ah. [Walter] Let me help you with that. Oh no I never need help. Where's the sweet old lady? Hush dear. Now, may I see my quarters please? Oh of course. This way. I've tried to make it nice for you, Ms. Lansing. I'm sure it's simply... Lovely. There's a copy of Valley of the Dolls there. You shouldn't have troubled. (mouse peeping) Where's the telephone? [Melody] In the living room. I mean, my telephone. In the living room. Well we've been thinking of getting an extension, but Walter thought the extension... Of course dear, now, may I see my bathroom please? Sure. Excuse me. (electronic music) What is this awful cacophony? Oh! Who do you think you are? I know perfectly well who I am. Let me see your eyes. Absolute confusion. Mom! I'm sure she meant it as a compliment. The bathroom, right this way, see it's uhm, very convenient. Oh? I'm a real stickler for hygiene. And I must ask that nobody else use my bathroom. Uh Laura, I don't think you've got the drift. Am I not right Ms. Gomphers when I say that in this house, there's just one bathroom. What are these poor people to do? Well, we'll figure something won't we? [Malcolm] Yeah won't we? Hello shorty. (weeping) What's this? I'm afraid the Gomphers are a little low on champagne glasses. Can't you uh, stick something in his mouth? I mean a cookie or something. He's just not used to you. I'm not used to him but I'm not screaming. Yet. (weeping) Here's to the real people. The real people! (baby chirping) Mom is she coming out again tonight? I don't sweetheart, keep your voice down huh? Why can't we turn on the TV? It upsets her, I guess. [Walter] What's she doing in there? [Melody] I don't know Walter. Why didn't she eat dinner? I don't think she cares for beefaroni. But boy does she care for that chopped liver she brought. I guess she was hungry. I smelled it, it stank. She is so famous. She writes book. You don't Walter, she's on all the talk shows, she goes out with Robert Redford and uh, and she knows Steven Spielberg and the Queen of England and the Pope. Really, Steven Spielberg? (door slamming shut) Isn't this pleasant? Is this what this you do in the evenings? Sit in meditation? I've got it, a schedule of the bathroom, I think I've solved our problems. Now Melody, you're the first in the morning because you have chores to do to get your little family going, you've got a full 20 minutes. Walter's second of course, he is the breadwinner, has to train to New York, bring home the bacon, you've got a full 20 minutes, you're the Daddy. The children follow, Annette first, because she's a girl, I don't think we should mind a little discrimination in gender, then Walter Junior. They each have only 10 minutes and they mustn't dawdle because they've got to get to school. Malcolm... (baby crying) Don't do that, or I'll go on and pack you in a suitcase. Yes, Malcolm then has 10 minutes which is more than he needs you'll note that I've put myself last. Although I'm a guest, I am also an outsider, and I don't mind being last, because then I can be open-ended, so to speak. Now, Walter. If you've got a hammer, you can put this right up on the bathroom door. Just as Martin Luther did on the door to Wittenberg Church in 1517. Oh, Melody, could you be a dear and make me a little more closet space? Oh! Not tonight, the morning will be time enough. And dear, I sat on my bed and it's much too soft, I'm gonna need a board under the mattress. And uhm I am a writer you know, I need a proper desk, a good stout chair and a decent lamp. And quiet of course, that goes without saying, good night all, bless you. What did she mean, a board? Where would I get a board? Why here? Or a desk. Why us? Or a good stout chair. I don't even know what a good stout chair is. What's she doing here? Or a decent lamp. Where are we gonna get a decent lamp? I just want a promotion. (calming music) (cat meowing) (dog barking) Now, I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake. It might be just as well. (weeping) Malcolm sweetie, ssshht, ssshht, ssshht. Be quiet the door's closed and I think Ms. Lansing will be asleep. (door opening) Good morning, good morning, good morning. Not a bad neighborhood for a brisk stroll. Startled some of the natives though. Good morning Malcolm, good morning. (baby chirping) Why do you do that? Now, look at me, you study my face. You tell me what you see there. Old. The child's hopeless. Do you need anything pressed? Not now, no, maybe later in the day, I'll let you know. Thank you. Oh uhm, what'll you have for breakfast? Fruit, just fruit, a little kiwi would be nice. Kiwi. (door banging) [Laura] Who's in there? [Walter] Me! Well get out! I think all I have is a banana. He's making a mockery of the whole system. Oh that's Walter, he was so anxious I guess about, you know, staying on schedule that he forgot to shave. You mean he went back in? Well he had to. I don't see why. Anything you forget to do while you're in there, you'll have to wait to do until you're on the schedule again. Oh. It builds character. Yes. Annette! Honey come on, (door banging), breakfast. You play in here. You're gonna be late for school, come on Annette. Did you sleep well. Of course not. [Melody] Walter Junior! [Laura] Good morning Walter. Junior! Walter Junior. Would you like a cup of coffee. Uh, uh, no thank, just a little herbal tea. I hate sleeping down there, and that cot's too hard. I'm sorry, I don't have any herbal tea. Oh no it doesn't matter, never mind, Twinings will do. Annette stayed in the bathroom too long, I timed her, she was 30 seconds over. Twinings? Coffee. Annette, I told you, you cannot wear that skirt to school, now I ironed the other one for you. Why not. Because you're not Tandaleo. Who's Tandaleo? Probably a friend of Ms. Lansing's. Now, Annette, please, change it. It's what everybody's wearing and I'm going to wear it. I did stock up for breakfast. Eggs and bacon and... No, no, thank you, I'll think I'll stick with my banana. Why don't you eat some of these? Crispy Crunchy Sugar Supers. If you continue to eat these Walter Junior, your body will turn into putty and your brain will dissolve into tapioca. Huh? He likes them. (muttering) Oh, is it all right? Well uhm, what is it? Well it's coffee. Uh, coffee? Real coffee? Well no, instant. I prefer it, it's what I drink at the office. I'll go shopping this morning, Walter I'll need the car so I'll drop you off, oh, I just remembered, Malcolm ate the banana last night I'm so sorry. It doesn't matter, I've often fasted (mumbling), during difficult periods in my life. Walter what am I gonna do? Honey, just ignore her. Don't forget, I made an appointment to do the oil change this morning. You won't be late again tonight will you, please? Please don't leave me alone. I'll try. Goodbye, goodbye dear children. Study hard. Nose to the grindstone. Shoulder to the wheel. (groans) Good morning Walter. How did it go, first night and all? Fine, fine. Really? Well, she has opinions. I guess you know that. Well I have noticed once or twice. Mr. Baumgartner I'd really like to talk you about my ideas for... Oh another time Gomphers, everything is really fine at home eh? Oh yeah, fine, fine. Well... We were wondering, why would you pay us 500 dollars... Walter. Just think, now she's alone, she's always been alone, no husband, no children, just emptiness and silence. Yeah. What a thrill for her to be part of a rollicking, fun-loving family like yours. Walter, you just be yourselves, hmm? Oh excuse me Mr. Baumgartner. Excuse me, just be yourselves. Lunch? (calming music) [Melody] Walter Junior's bed? (frolicking music) Not my dresser! You might've asked me. I know I should have. I get carried away. How did you do all this by yourself? I am stronger than I look, the mailman came and saw me and he pitched right in. It's only for a week. Pity they don't have caviar, such a comfort. Excuse me. Ms. Lansing, what are you doing in Hicksville? Shopping dear, what are you doing? [Announcer] Customer service to aisle five please. Oh look, Crenshaw melons, why not. Maybe two. They're so expensive. (mumbling) yourself Melody, it's bad for the soul. Could I have your autograph Ms. Lansing? Oh please, can't you see I'm trying to be normal. Oh I love these. Poison. Isn't this fun? I haven't been shopping in years. [Announcer] Manager, service register four please. [Melody] Haven't we got enough? [Cashier] That'll be $247. I'm afraid I have only maybe 50 dollars. Uhm, Ms. Lansing, could you? Could I what? What'cha gonna do, come on you're holding up the line. I don't know. Add that. Don't make a scene dear, put our stuff in the bags, we'll send you a check. You don't have any money? Why should I have any money? (frolicking music) Good old Doris. Can you change that please? Why, why don't I do dinner tonight? You? Yes, a leg of lamb, I think I could remember how to, and these fresh vegetables, and fruit. Oh how nice. Uhm, Ms. Lansing. Do stop calling me Ms. Lansing, it's Laura, dear, Laura. Well, Laura, I know how you feel about television. But there's this program that I watch. I've watched it for years, and uhm, it's only an hour. Which hour? Well it starts in 10 minutes. But that's impossible, I'll just be settling in to work. I'm sorry, but I have to watch The Storm Within. Well what the dickens is The Storm Within? It's a soap, well a soap opera, and I watch it every day. Melody, you've seen how cooperative I've tried to be, I've bent over backwards to fit in, so as not to disrupt your regiment, and now you insist I'm watching trash when I have to do a little work. The Storm Within is not trash! It's entertainment. Life is not just a round of pleasure Melody. The answer is no. It has to be no. Out of my way pygmy. (baby crying) Don't you ever push my child. Listen Laura Lansing, I don't know why you're here but this is my house. And you are a guest here. And I will not let you abuse my children because I happen to love my children. And you will not dictate to me what I will do and what I won't do in my own home, is that clear? You've got a point. I have indeed transgressed the rules of decent behavior. I apologize. I shall go to my room and stand in the corner. [Female Voiceover] But I can't leave my husband, he needs me, and mentor my daughter Jennifer. [Male Voiceover] By the way, where is Jennifer? [Female Voiceover] Oh she's out on the fire escape with that boyfriend of hers. I'm worried Bill. [Bill] What about Anna? [Anna] That boy is a little too forward, I think he's up to no good. And Jennifer's putting on weight. (jazz music) If I wanna go, I'll go, don't try and stop me. You can't leave me, not now! I'll kill myself, I swear. - Then kill yourself. - Why would she kill herself? Because he's impregnated her. - Huh, the swine. - I never liked you anyhow! (jazz music) It's the people I like, Walter, all the people I like. I think I understand that Violet. If I like you, the sky's the limit. Do you like me Violet. Would I be here if I didn't? May I ask why? I'm fascinated by older men. Especially when they've got a slightly wounded look in the eye. You got a slightly wounded look in the eye. Which eye? It shifts. You're so perceptive. Thank you. I really feel like I can talk to you, Violet. You're so young and fresh. Free. You don't know. My wife, she's wonderful. She's just a housewife. Sometimes I wonder. What am I doing married to a housewife? Life isn't easy. [Walter] That's right, that's right. But it's okay, I myself am engrossed in horticulture. Horticulture? I love green, little green growing things. I have this geranium on my window sill, and it's dying, I love it so much. Why? I over-water it, I can't help it. You're so, so... Young and fresh and free? Yeah. Can I ask you a personal question, Violet? What? Can I see your geranium? (television and radio blaring) (screaming) [Annette] Who said she could take my table? Annette it doesn't really matter. Well, howdy too! Oh Laura this is Francie Barber. I live next door. How do you do Ms. Barber? You just go into people's rooms and take their... There sure is something... [Malcolm Junior] Mom where's Daddy's chair? Where do you think it is? Hush, now go turn off your music, I warned you. This here is Orville, he's my youngest. I got seven. I'm not surprised. [Francie] Not? No, from what I can see it appears to be the neighborhood pastime. [Annette] I want my table back. Why can't we watch television? Because I will not spend the twilight hour with a bug-eyed boob who is too dimwitted to dig into his won inner resources to find ways to spend the time. Just thought I'd ask. Oh listen Ms. Lansing, Myrtle down the street, she told me just yesterday, she's so excited you're here because she read one of your books, she says it's real good. Oh thank you. Except for the end, she said it went off the track, but she read it clear through. If you'll excuse me. Sure honey, I know we'll just see a lot of each other this week. Looks that way. (Orville chirping) Quiet Orville. When I first saw her I couldn't believe my mind, I said that can't be Laura Lansing! (women chattering) I hate you. You do? You're a selfish, mean, old... Writer, and you're a little girl. Despite the fact that you're made up like Phyllis Diller on a bad night. I'm not a little girl, I'm old enough to do it. (baby crying) (TV blasting) Another hour. It smells delicious. Let's open a bottle of champagne. What, do you think we should, I mean, two nights in a row? Two nights in a row? And can't we, can't we sit in the backyard? Do you mean to tell me that you never had any other beau but Walter? No, it was love at first sight. Well, I'd had crushes on hopeless people like the class president or movie stars but, it was Walter. We were so young but we decided to get married right away. And it's been wonderful ever since. I bet. Oh yeah, oh now! Malcolm, don't put that in your mouth that way. Stay here. Here's to Walter. To Walter. Of course uhm, it isn't the same. I mean, the physical part. He has to work so hard and he's always bone-tired, I can't expect... It doesn't mean he doesn't love me. Of course not. You've never been married? No. [Melody] That's too bad. Is it? (phone ringing) I'll be right back. Hi there honey! Hi Francie honey. [Woman] Is that our celebrity sitting there? It sure is. [Woman] Well what do you know, wait till I tell Phoebe. Are you having fun? Look, look, ball. [Laura] Give me the ball, give me the ball. (baby crying) Malcolm, stop that. I told you Ms. Lansing loves you. That was Walter, he's got to work ever later than usual tonight. What have we have, a power failure? Sit down kids. Why are we eating so late? We had cocktail hour. [Walter Junior] How can we see what we're eating? If you can't see what you're eating, Walter Junior, or Junior Walter, or whatever your name is, I will give you extra carrots. Yuck, carrots. It's so romantic, I think it's lovely. [Walter Junior] I'm too young for romance. I'm not. [Walter Junior] Did the celebrity cook? The celebrity cooked. Look, lovely lamb. I wanted hot dogs. Chemicals. [Walter Junior] What are we eating, a corpse. Eat. Okay but I just hope you know you're eating some sheep's child. [Television Voiceover] (speaking foreign language), the phenomenon of demonic possession. Keep it down, she said you could watch it for a while but you gotta keep the volume down. I gotta go get your dad, behave. [Laura] Annette, come and help me do the dishes. Mom does the dishes. Well tonight, you and Walter Junior and I are gonna do the dishes. Come on Walter Junior. (baby crying) Oh, what is wrong? Well, you, you wanna help do the dishes too? Hi honey, guess what it wasn't so bad, I kind of like her. How was your day? Honey if you don't mind, I'm too tired. Of course. Well we had quite the day. First we went to the supermarket and she bought out everything. Oh, she rearranged all the furniture, you wouldn't believe it! Mom, she made us do the dishes. [Walter Junior] And I had to take out the garbage. Oh I'm sorry. Hi Daddy. Hi honey. [Walter Junior] Girls watch the dishes. How was your day Ms. Lansing? Lovely, thank you. And how was your... Day? Walter. (phone ringing) Hello. [Larry] Hello there, it's Mr. Baumgartner. Oh hello it's Melody. [Larry] How are you? Good, one second, Laura! [Larry] Everything going along well? Oh yeah we're having a wonderful time. [Larry] What are you doing? Uh well, at the moment I'm vacuuming. It's for you. [Laura] Who's it it? Mr. Baumgartner. Oh, thank you. Hello Larry. [Larry] Hi. Hold on just a second will you please? Melody this is a little personal, would you mind? Oh of course. Well what did you find out, was I right? I think you're crazy. I haven't been writing romantic novels for 40 years for nothing, I can look in a man's eyes and tell if he's having an affair. Now who'd have an affair with Walter Gomphers. That's what we've got to try and find out. Well, I did ask Rosella, she knows everything that goes on around here. [Laura] And? Oh she laughed too. But then she said she thought it might be the Xerox girl. She's the office sexpot, really just kind of chippy. Oh dear, oh dear. Is something wrong? No, no, no, no, no. It's my lecture tour, I knew I'd be asked to go to Indianapolis, and I didn't want to. Well I hear it's pretty. Tell me more about Indianapolis Larry. Indianapolis? It seems such a far way to go. How far along is it? Oh, oh I don't know Laura. But Rosella says she thinks he's got a crush on her. Has contact been made between the interested parties? With Violet I doubt if there's any other way. Violet? Who's Violet? My booking agent. What do you think I should do Larry? Stay out of it. Of course I'd love to see Violet, see what she looks like. Well if you want to lose the bet, then come on in and look at her. Goodbye Larry, keep me posted. Sometimes these tours can be so difficult. Indianapolis isn't so bad, I had a girlfriend who moved there with her husband and they liked it. Here you go Stace. (giggling) Hello. Lunch? Oh I can't, I promised Mr. Farley. Oh. I was crazy about your geranium, Violet. I'm a little worried, one of its leaves is brown. Oh, well. I'd like to see it again sometime. Under different circumstances. What would you say if I was to tell you I love you? Oh that's okay, I don't mind. Who cares about you? You're just a torn page in my book of memories. Don't torture me Al, unless you really mean it. I've been faithful to you. [Al] Yes you have, you little tramp. That looks like... What? Nothing. [Melody] That's Al Lamont. Why don't you go out and have some fun? How can I, I'm pregnant. Everybody's pregnant. Only the women. There's always a way. Isn't he wonderful? Al Lamont, the sexiest man in soaps. Isn't he awful, how can any man do that to a woman? If that happened to me, I don't know what I'd do. There's always a way. The washing machine's broken, I'm gonna use Francie's, you wanna come? No, I think I'll stay here and make some notes. Are you gonna write a book about us? Maybe, have you got a dictionary? Oh right over there, I'll see you later. (calming music) (door slamming shut) (weeping) (door knocking) Who is it? It's the selfish old writer. You wanna be friends? [Annette] Where's Mom? She's over at Francie's. (weeping) Now... Now. It isn't as bad as all that. I did what he wanted and now he doesn't wanna see me again. What did you do? What do you think? In my day it would've been a fairly innocent kiss. Have you talked to your mother or father about this? They wouldn't care. I think they might. They don't know anything. [Laura] They do love you. God, nobody loves me. I used to watch Damon play basketball. I'd just die, he's so... All the girls are crazy about him. And I ran right into him coming out of the gym. And all of the sudden he looked at me, and he said, do you wanna go out? I couldn't believe it. So we, we had a cheeseburger and he said he was in love with me and he always would be. Then... I see. Listen darling, the word love is used very loosely in this world, I love gumdrops, I love popcorn, but the real thing, seriously, is rare. Love, love isn't just a word. It is a wonderful happening, it takes time. Be weary, be cautious, even be a little bit suspicious, and above all, don't do what he wants just because he wants it. But I was afraid I'd lose him if I didn't. Honey you couldn't lose because you didn't have him. You're young, you're building a life, everything you do leaves a mark. Say to yourself, I'm Annette Gomphers, and this me, is worth something, I'm of value. But I'm not. Well how do you know that? There may be the most wonderful things in you, just bursting to get out. Don't laugh, sometimes I think there are. I'm not laughing. I don't know what we'll do when you're gone, Laura, I'm getting so used to haute cuisine. I wish my cook could see me. Where's Dad? Oh he had to work late honey he's gonna come home bone-tired. Mom is it all right if I go over to Shirley's? Sure, just don't stay out late. Okay. Bye Ms. Lansing. Bye dear. When did you two get so chummy? Mom can I go play ball? Isn't it too dark? Not if I hurry. Okay. What was the name of that again? Chicken Agavero, it was some eggs' mother. Yeah, but not bad. I'm getting used to the champagne too, isn't that awful? Oh you'll be gone in just a few days. Yep. Are we some kind of survey? No. [Melody] Oh come on, why are you here? It's a bet, Larry bet me I couldn't last a week, with... Well with what? With a normal family. Why couldn't you? I'm detached from all that. [Melody] That sounds so sad. No, no, it's not that. Where you ever in love? Oh yes. [Melody] Well what happened. Well, I loved him, I really did. In my way, you know. He wanted a wife, a mother of his children and I wanted... What? Laura Lansing. Are you sorry? No, no, I don't have any regrets. I've had too lucky a life for that. Well I'm glad you're here. Thank you. Oh there's Walter. Hi. Hi honey, we saved you some food. You want some champagne? Gee, you people are turning into real drunks. No we're not, and we had a wonderful day, didn't we Laura? Yes we had. Well except that Laura has to go to Indianapolis on a lecture tour, but that's not so bad is it. Not so bad. I'm gonna clean up. See Laura, tell Violet. (baby crying) Oh I'd better put the baby to bed. Who's Violet? Laura's booking agent. Violet. You think you know something don't you? Well you don't. Violet, the famous Xerox girl. She's just a kid at the office. She's a high school drop out, she's kinda lost, she needs advice from older men. And what you need Walter... Sshht, she'll hear you! (muffled arguing) (water streaming) Excuse, just what does this have to do with you? Nothing, except that if I ever hear that you spent one red cent on little miss Xerox, when Melody hasn't even got a decent dress, so help me Lord, I will kill you with my bare hands. Keep it down. I just happen to love Violet. Oh nonsense, this is sex. Really it's a remarkable difference, and I don't think sex has much to do with love, unless of course you're lucky. And you don't strike me as being lucky, Walter. Listen, I don't wanna hurt Melody. I can't help the way I feel about this girl. The trouble with men is, they're men. What was that all about? Oh we were just having a little discussion. Oh that I know. Walter, soup's on. Laura I need to ask you a favor. What? Please don't nag at Walter about making more money. [Laura] Why not? He works so hard, and it's all for us, for me, the kids. So I have to scrump a little, I do that gladly and willingly, I'm really very lucky. He's kept a roof over our head and food in our mouth all these years. Is that all you ask? A roof over your head, and food in your mouths? And Walter. (melancholic music) (phone ringing) Hello? [Doris] Mr. Reid, Mr. Conway Reid? Who the hell is this? It's Doris Whimms, Ms. Laura Lansing's secretary. Oh uh, yes? Ms. Lansing is visiting some friends on Long Island, and she wondered if you could possibly lunch with them today. I think I can arrange that. We'll send the car for you, is 11 o'clock all right for you? Uh, fine, thank you. And thank Ms. Lansing. Is it... How dressy is it? I wouldn't worry about it, goodbye. No, oh no that's hideous. I don't get it, who's coming for lunch? An old acquaintance of mine, acted in a play I once wrote, a terribly attractive man. But why is he coming to lunch? So you can practice dear, practice at being a woman. That's very dreary. I'm a mother. Well some mothers do manage to be women. Oh, it's beautiful. Oh I won't look like me. That's good. Is lunch all ready? [Laura] It's all taken care of. Where's Malcolm. I took him over to Francie's. Oh he's here! Hi. Is this a joke. Oh no sir. Conway. Laura darling. How lovely to see you. How sweet of you to ask me. From Emma. Ah in the kitchen. Are you staying for lunch. No way I'll be back in an hour. What a charming room. Isn't it, I can't wait to have you meet our hostess, Melody Gomphers. Gomphers? Such a delight, she'll be out in a minute. Are you doing research here? In a way, ah, here you are. Melody, this is... You, you! She's a little emotional. Is it? Is it really you Al? Yes, yes it's me dear. The sexiest man in soaps. You flatter me, I'm just plain old Conway Reid in real life, not that we have much to do with real life. How pretty you are, with your face all flushed like that. Isn't she? I'm terribly bored with the soap of course, however, I'm up for a sitcom at NBC. And there's a very good chance that I may co-star with Michael J. Fox in the new film. Well here I am, going on about myself. Tell me about you. Me? All about you. Well, uhm, I'm just a wife and mother. Ah, hmm. Sometimes those can be the most. Delicious, I'd like to meet Emma sometime. She's the best cook in New York. Oh have some more Al, excuse me, Conway. I don't mind. Isn't she adorable. Isn't she. Melody could you come and help me with the dessert. Of course. Hurry back. (calming music) You see how easy it is? I think he really likes me. Of course he does, by the time Walter gets home, you'll be an absolute femme fatale. Oh Laura! (giggling) But your life must be so exciting like Laura's. The way you live, the people you know. Well mine is of course quite glamorous, nothing like Laura's though. On that glamorous note, I shall do the dishes. Ah. Oh no, don't budge, you stay and talk to Conway. I love chocolate mousse. Before Laura came I hadn't gone beyond ice cream. How deliciously honest you are. Am I? Melody. I love your name. It's like music, isn't it. That's what it means. Yeah. [Melody] (gasps) Do you know what we're missing? Well at least we can catch the end of it. (swanky music) [Al] Is this what you want, you chic cat. Oh Al, Al why do you treat me like this? Because I love you, and always remember that. It's you. The magic of tape. I can be as tender as I am tough. [Woman On TV] Oh Al, Al. About your husband. Oh he's an accountant, he's very nice, only. Only? I don't know. Tomorrow afternoon, my place. What do you say? Something in your eyes tells me you want to see more of me. Does they, uh, do they? Three o'clock? There's more where that came from. Oh I can't, the children come home from school and... Two o'clock. Why not? One o'clock, what am I saying? A little cold lunch, just the two of us? A little cold lunch, just the two of us? I, I can't, no, no Al. My card, in case you change your mind. I'll be waiting. I can't get over it. [Melody] What. The way you look. Tandaleo. We had quite an amusing afternoon. An actor came to lunch, quite smitten with Melody and her women ways. [Walter] What actor? Uh I believe Melody calls him the sexiest man in soaps. Back to the dungeon. Good night Walter Junior. Can I ask you a question? What is it? Should I go up for track? [Laura] Well, why not? Because I'm slow. [Laura] Get faster. How? Well, Walter Junior, when I wanted to be a writer, I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. Your best work is habit, run, run, run. [Walter Junior] You can only do what you can do. Oh that's not true, you can do more than you can do. That's the way it goes, the more you do, the more you can do. Okay. Can you blame me? Entertaining men at lunch. A friend of Ms. Lansing's. Are you jealous. Why should I be jealous, what do I care? You're not the only one attractive to the opposite sex you know. I know. (foreboding music) Walter, when I was doing the laundry the other day, I noticed quite a smudge of lipstick on your collar and I scrubbed really hard trying to get it out because I want you to look nice when you go to the office. But I would like an explanation. The train I guess. The train? Yes honey, the train, it's crowded, people brush up against you. Oh. (calming music) Oh Walter I forgot to tell you, I'll need the car tomorrow, I have to go to the periodontist. Okay, here we go. Now Malcom's lunch is laid out on the table, I won't be too long, I don't think. You're awfully dressed up for the periodontist. Well I never get into Manhattan so I thought, oh now look, be good and mind Auntie Laura. Good boy, good boy, thank you. Oh oh, no, no, no! (baby crying) Is it good, hmm? (calming music) Shall I tell you a story, Malcolm? Once there was a little girl. She was very bright but she was very pretty, but she was all alone. And she said, when I grow up I'm never gonna be alone again. But she did grow up, and she was in a dark forest, And she was alone. But then she met a little boy and his name was Malcolm. She never was alone again, was she? Never was alone again. Hello Laura, it's Conway Reid. [Laura] Oh, hello Conway. I just wanted to thank you for a delightful lunch. [Laura] Well I'm so glad you could come. Me too, and thanks for Melody. Melody. I've never met anyone like her, she's so different. By the way, is Melody there, I'd like to say hello. I'm sorry Conway, she's gone into Manhattan. Oh great, I've gotta hustle, thanks again for everything, bye dear. (anticipatory music) [Woman] Service. Hello honey it's 264, take all my calls will you I won't be picking up this afternoon. Conway Reid, Conway Reid. Ah. (romantic music) Melody, how exciting, come in. I just happened to be in the neighborhood. Of course. Conway Reid please. [Woman] I'm sorry, he's not picking up. He what? [Woman] He's not picking up. Are you sure? (phone ringing) Gomphers speaking. Thank goodness. I've been trying to reach you, it's Doris Whimms, Ms. Lansing's secretary. I've been in a meeting. I don't quite understand the message, but Ms. Lansing called in some agitation and asked me to tell you that the periodontist is the sexiest man in soaps, and his address is... Hey Francie, come, take him. What's the matter. [Laura] Hurry, no time for talk. (baby crying) (anticipatory music) That was delicious, thank you. There's something about smoked salmon. Isn't there? I wish you'd have some wine. Oh no, I'm driving. I can't tell you how glad I am you came. I don't know why I did. [Conway] Don't you? Oh Walter, can I talk to you for a... Excuse me. Listen I have to go out for a minute, and if anybody wants me, I'll... Ah there you, Gomphers, you know I've just read this proposal of yours, it comes highly recommended by a client, let's talk. Come out to my office. Mr. Baumgartner, I... Do you know what I think? What? I think we should get a little more comfortable. Look, there's something I want to you say. What? I guess I'm like every other woman in America. The thought of Al Lamont. [Conway] Yes. Lunch, alone together. Yes. Nothing personal Conway but I just wish you won't... You're saying no? Yes. It was wonderful meeting you. (upbeat music) Conway Reid? 15C. 15C, thank you. [Melody] Ah, no. Hah. (door knocking) Coming. Laura? Where is she? She left. Melody, that's her bag! Her bag. (tires squeaking) Uh, uh, uh, the sexiest man in soaps? 15C. You've been plying her with liquor! No, no, she's driving. What's that door? That's the bathroom. What's that door? That's the bedroom but... Be my guest. (door knocking) Wait, wait. Wait a minute, who are you? Where is she? In the bedroom. You! I've got caps. Hello Walter. I see you two have met. If you didn't want in here, then why did you get me over here? Melody is not your cleaning woman Walter, she's your wife, she loves you, she'd do anything in the world for you. We're not going up Walter, we're going down. All you do is meddle. Walter I was trying to save your marriage. What do you know about marriage, you couldn't even have one. That doesn't make me Lulu the Birdgirl. I'm just as normal as you are. Normal, you're not normal, you're rich and you're famous and you make the rest of us look like 10 cents. If you look like 10 cents Walter, don't blame me. Okay, so where's my wife. There's your wife. (calming music) Walter, what are you doing here. Let's go home. Nothing happened, I couldn't. You're a wife, and mother. You're a husband and a father. Who is she? Nobody, a girl, at the office. I went to apartment to see her geranium. Her what? She has this geranium. Okay honey, I admit I had ulterior motives, but... [Melody] But? But she had one room and three roommates. One was frying an egg, one was washing her hair and one was doing his push-ups. Yes? It's the new world. All I got for my trouble was a good night kiss, she didn't even hit my face, she hit my collar. She was looking at the geranium. (frolicking music) (laughing) Honey... I'm sorry. I'm only human. So am I, I'm only very human. Anyone for Hicksville? (calming music) They've never slept so late. Maybe they're dead. I don't think so. We're ready when you are Laura. Do you want this, it was on the bathroom door. [Laura] Throw it out. [Walter Junior] Give it to me, a souvenir. [Doris] We'll wait in the car. [Laura] Okay. Good morning. Morning. Oh you're not leaving. Any minute, your breakfast is ready. We thought you were dead. What's this? I'm paying up. Oh, thank you. For everything. You know, I really shouldn't take this, but I'd never forgive myself if I didn't. I'd never forgive you either. I'm sorry you lost the bet. Yeah, well... [Melody] What's the matter? I'm not so sure I did lose that bet. You're walking down the street, you round the corner, at exactly the right moment, and you meet, for no reason, by sheer chance the person you'll spend the rest of your life with. Why that corner, why that moment? It isn't by chance, there is a reason, that wasn't a crazy bet, that was life saying, come on in Laura Lansing, join the human race. Oh Laura. So, if you don't mind, I uh, I won't say goodbye, I can't. I'll just say, I love you and I'll see you soon. I'll miss you. I'm gonna win a race for you. (serene music) Eat your breakfast. (calming music) Bye! [Group] Bye, bye bye! Isn't she something? They're great aren't they? Laura, about the bet. Oh I'll tell you something Larry, bet or no bet, I'm gonna write something that will knock your socks off. Well I thought you might. And don't forget my 10%. I'm visiting today in the home of our literary greats. Laura Lansing has been on the top best seller list for weeks no, and Laura the critics are calling Suburban Serenade a classic. You've captured the heart of America, how did you do it? Well, first I have to ask you, have you ever been to Hicksville? [Interviewer] Hicksville, I can't say that I have. [Laura] Don't have to, because I have been to Hicksville. (cheering) And my trip to Hicksville, was really responsible for this book, (mumbling) in my life. (cheerful music) (friendly upbeat music) Ryan: What are we getting all dressed up for? I've been up since 7:00, I haven't eaten all day. I'm-I'm just tired. Micki: I know, I know. Just go along with it. It's only for a little while. Try to be gracious. Ooh, la, la, jack, terrific. A surprise party. Jack, I'm, uh, really bushed. Could we do this some other time? Jack: We deserve something special, ryan. Come on, relax. We've been hammering ourselves into the ground for a long time. Yeah, and if anybody deserves a little... Don't do it... Whoa! Deserves a little party, I think that it's us, don't you? Oh, to celebrate our good luck, if you like. Luck? I feel as though I've been through a blender. Good, then a little champagne Will do wonders for you, won't it? Champagne's gonna wipe me out. I want to give a little toast. To the most successful hunters of cursed objects In the whole wide... Neighborhood. Uh, sorry, uh... We're closed. I've come to return something... That belongs to you. Take it. Ryan: Hey, come back here. What is this? He sure knows how to make an exit. Let's take a look at this. Jack: Some kind of urn. Jack... Old kingdom egyptian canopic jar. Is that what this could be? That's exactly what it is. They used these to preserve The internal organs of the mummies. All right, that's the easiest we've ever got anything back. Hand delivered, no less. I'll go put it in the vault. Micki, want to give me a hand? It's getting crowded down there. Yeah, but you carry it. That's funny. I don't remember this entry. Micki: There must be hundreds of strange things in there, jack. You can't remember everything. And no customer's name. ooh! You all right? What happened? The stair broke. I guess I know what I'm doing tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow morning. Let's just get this thing in the vault. See what I mean? The place is a mess. Well, let's start by putting the lighter things on top. Light? Are you kidding? These things are deadweight. What's wrong? What the...? Oh, my god! No! No! Micki, ryan, get out! No! No! Damn it! No! Rashid! Thank god you're in town. How fast can you get over here? Ryan, what's happening? ! I don't know! Little girl's voice: Go away. Get out of my house. You know what to do, mary. Oh... Oh! Oh, I don't know If this is such a great idea. You saw what that doll did last time. We sold it to this family; it's our responsibility. No! Stop! Open up! Help me! Help me! Don't go, mary! Oh, mary! Mary, don't go! Check over there. Ryan, down here! Oh, my god! Micki: Oh, my god. Are you okay? What happened? I don't see the doll anywhere. Where's the pho...? Yes, we need an ambulance. Uh, 33 nottingham way. Look, there she is! No, wait! Uh, yeah, sorry, uh... Mary. Do you remember me? I was at your house last night. You know why I'm here, don't you? You want to take vita away. No. I don't want to take vita. I have to. You better go away. Not until you give her to me. Mary. Listen to me. Please, give me that doll! Mary, this isn't a game! Give it here! Mary, it's not funny! Mary, the doll's not your friend! Give it! Micki, don't let go! mary, give it! Listen to me! Ryan: Give me the doll! Micki, hang on! Give me the doll! No! It's mine! No! Micki! Hello, old friend. Oh, rashid. Now tell me, exactly what has happened? I'm not even sure. Someone delivered a canopic funerary jar. It was wrapped in this. And then, somehow, the jar came open While micki and ryan were putting it down in the vault. Then all hell broke loose. They're sealed in there with that thing. Jack, this is old kingdom, perhaps 5,000 years old. What did the jar look like? Well, it-it-it was, uh, green, Uh, the stopper was the anubis-headed god. What can we do? Anubis? It may be too late to do anything. What the hell is that? Ultraviolet light. I thought you were gonna use magic. You use what you've got. Please. Rashid: Yes, there, there... Amon... Ptah. Hotep. Horus, the hawk-headed god. Horus, the soul's escort through the halls of the dead. Yes. The jar... it was open? Yeah, there was some kind of green gas coming out of it. I thought so. Natron... the salt solution used To preserve the bodies and the organs of the mummies. Are you certain you cannot open the vault? Of course I'm sure. I did everything possible, rashid. Jack, there is a legend... A translation, really... Of the glyphs from the temple of amon-ra Which describes the fate Of those who breathe the fumes from a canopic jar. They are condemned To experience an epic death dream In which they relive the most horrifying experiences Of their lives. And then? This nightmare continues over and over and over Until the terror causes their hearts... To burst. How long have they got? Well, let me see. From the time they breathed the fumes... Four hours. It was about an hour ago. Got until midnight. Hi. I couldn't get to a phone until now. Man: I was worried. I didn't know what happened to you. I had to go with them, Or else they would have gotten suspicious. Ah. Why don't you come over? Now? But it's almost morning already. So? We can still spend the rest of the night together. All right. Did you get back the cupid? Yeah. I'm so glad. See you soon. I love you. ♪ ♪ I've waited so long for this. Tonight... It'll be just the three of us. You...? ! Sorry. We overheard your little phone call with laurie. Where is she? Safe... where you can't get at her. Now give me the cupid. You tricked me. Ryan: Micki, let me in! It's pork with just a little thyme. I'm an idiot! I forgot the most important part! The wine! It'll keep our spirits up. She forgot us thanks to the wine! Now we can relax, we'll be just fine. Since I'm up and about I'll just get some pickles out. - Have a nice trip. - Thank you. - Are you OK? - Not running early. - I'll hold the bus. - Thanks. It's room 114. I used the telephone and the minibar. I thought you left earlier. Your code, Madam. Mr. Fremont, you have a few bills from the bar. I wasn't the only one. Where is everyone? Waiting in the bus. Want me to take you? I'm late anyway. I'm OK. It would be no trouble at all. Go enjoy your boat. I'll be fine on the bus. - Keep in touch! - I promise. - Can I stow your bags? - No thanks. Sorry. - You're not with Gilbert? - Why? He seemed to really want to take you. When? Last night. Maybe he was drunk... Please Sir, wait a minute. I'm going with him. See you at the Lyon station. Don't wait, I'll go by car. Bye! - Did that man leave? - Mr. Fremont? Yes. Thanks. - He's gone? - Yes, and the bus too. - Can I get to Lyon by train? - Yes. Got a schedule? Yes. One moment, please. Reception. Excuse me, Madam... Mr. Fremont forgot this in his room. Do you know where I can send it? - I'll take it to him. - Is it OK? It's not a problem. - Have a nice trip. - Thanks. Are you waiting for the ferry? A taxi. You were great last night. Thanks. - Where are you going? - The station. - Can we take you? - The taxi's coming. I'm Teddy Bear. I work the lights. He'll be sound asleep again in a moment. What's wrong? He had a few too many last night. - Do you know the way? - No. Head downtown. Where's home? - Toulouse. And you? - Lyon. - You from Lyon? - No, Paris. Where's the station, please? You'll have to turn around. Know Maurice Thorez? Not personally. It's best to go back, and at the intersection... Don't go out of your way. It's not hard, we'll find it. Go towards the post office, and then keep going. Maurice Thorez is right there. Going direct to Toulouse? No, via Lyon, then Toulouse. We can take you. I can take the train. I leave from Lyon too. Let's take her. At the top, before the church on the left, it's the big street by the supermarket. By the supermarket. Thanks. So you sell to doctors? Yes. In Toulouse? Is this car English? He got it in London. He has a thing for old cars. It's a 1962. Nice, isn't it? It was Churchill's. It could break down anytime. Come on! You can push him off. It's OK. Thanks. That's really pretty. - It's from Chili. - Really? - Are they birds? - Yes. It always costs more on the road. Normally, when the car's empty it costs 400 francs... - This is nearly 460... - Crazy, isn't it? What? Got an aspirin? I don't think so. - Is it far? - An hour. What time is it? - 8:50. - No, I don't. Sleeping beauty woke up! Let us know if you pass out. We'll get a chair. Where's "black"? - Here. Sugar here. - Thanks. Get it without sugar or it's syrup... I'm going to Lyon with you. You snored in her ear for an hour. ..You're stuck with the sugar, it comes out first. Call them and complain. Do you travel a lot too? No, the doctors I visit are all nearby. I'm home every night. Are you married? Yes. I have a boy and a girl. Are you? No. No children. A bargain, isn't it? You really were very good last night. The petition idea was great. Do you cue each other? We play off each other. What a job! - How do you do it? ... - Nobody knows. The day we know, we're washed up. It must be great. Practice makes perfect. I don't think I could. He loves those clichés. Hello. Not far, we're on the highway. Hold on. It's Carioux. He wants us to drop by. His wife wants to meet us. What for? If she wants to meet us, then we go. It's on the way. Remember my train. Hello. It's fine. In half an hour. OK. The bride's father. We're doing a wedding. It's for the Esso director's daughter. Gas? An explosive girl! Daddy saw us at a convention, and wanted us at the wedding to do a gig. He even sent a deposit. - We don't usually do this. - What? Private gigs, weddings... Except we spent the deposit, right? We invested in collector cars. You're sitting in it. There. Here are my actors! How are you? We're a little busy. My wife must be with the caterer. - How's it going? - OK. Hello! Excuse me, but who are you? - The Impromptu Company. - Yes. My husband told me what you do, but I... I'm not with... There he is! I was just... Hello. I was just telling this young lady I really want it to go well. You know how it is, marrying your daughter... - I only reserved two rooms for you. - OK. As you wish. I really want things to remain... proper. Yes, that's it. What do you have planned? We don't know. That is, we improvise. Don't worry, we do it well. We do a lot of these. Communions, baptisms, a birthday here and there... - Weddings are new to us. - He's kidding. Of course. You'll see, they're great. It always goes very well. It ruffles feathers at first... Then they see we're actors, and love it. People like it. OK. I'm counting on you to keep them in line. And none of... Scout's honor. He's kidding... Maybe... No, that's no good. I know: we're Bulgarian cousins and you're a porn star in Sofia. Say if you don't like it. I don't. It's a 4000 franc gig... You call it a gig! We never agreed to it, did we? Did you ask us? You have to understand we don't have to do something just for the sake of doing it when it's stupid. I don't get it. Not surprising. Go on, be waiters, dumb married waiters, then have a fight. It's perfect for weddings. Useless clock! What's the time? Go buy a watch! 11: 15. Hurry up, my train's in ten minutes. You won't get to eat? Yes I will. Or I'll snack in the train. I'm going. See you the 21st? I'll call you. - Have a good trip home. - Thank you. Goodbye. Thanks for the shaving cream. You're welcome. Are you coming? Bye. Call me. Maybe another time? - Good luck. - Thanks. What about shaving cream? Shaving cream... for shaving... - She was a nice girl. - Very. - We don't know her name. - No. No. I'll grab a bite to eat. I can't, I have to go. Have a safe trip. Goodbye. - You're very cute. - Thanks. I'll have a coffee. Got sandwiches? No. You have to go across the station. All I have is that. OK. I'll have some pie. - Here. - Thanks. Good, isn't it? They call it "light pie". It's from Brittany. Tell them I came back for it. They'll understand. Know where they are? I forgot it. - I forgot it. - But your train? I'll catch the next one. It was in the trunk. It's for a friend. He's a sailor... Gilbert. You know him? We were at the bar last night, keeping the lighthouse. These are my friends. My daughter Stephanie, and my younger one, Isabelle. Thank you for coming. - How nice. - Yes. It's so sweet of you. - Isn't it? - Yes. - Eric will love it. - Yes. Let me thank you. Christina! Put this with the others. I'll get it back. You've got to move that truck. See you at church... Hold on, Stephanie. Be careful of her dress! I'll come with you. - What time's your train? - 5:30. You'll be at the station all afternoon? She missed her train. You haven't shaved. Do you give a shit? Thanks. Is he angry? He gets on my nerves... What did you decide on? I don't know. He'll figure it out... Could you please pass the pickles? We're not married. Help yourself. A few months ago, we were supposed to get the improv gang back together and instead, we're still doing jokes to amuse WASP's... Nonsense. Here. Thanks. I love pickles too. Me too. Are they good? At home, it was a specialty. Dad yelled at me for eating pickles and not meat. Our specialty was pasta. - Where are you from? - Dijon. That's their specialty. - Where are you from? - Triora. - Where is that? - Italy. I don't know it. Me neither. I left when I was six months old. - I must find a phone. - No cell phone? - No. - Me neither. Actually my battery is dead. You still don't eat the meat. I spent night and day with that thing. There it is. Hello, it's me. Is anybody home? ..I'm calling to say I'm fine... I missed my train because of... Gilbert's lighthouse... that I lost... But I just got it back... It's complicated. I'm catching the next train at around 5:00 or 5:30, and I'll arrive at either 9:00 or 9:30. OK... I'll see you tonight. I'm not very good at improvising. You don't have to be good, you just jump in. - Like bungee jumping? - Yes, a little. Look. They led a hard life. The boat couldn't come because of the storms. They spent 48 days straight... 48 days. Insanity... They painted all the stairs out of boredom. You seem to enjoy your life. Don't you? Me... Sometimes I do crazy things, but not so often. A while ago I wrote a story about a lighthouse. Really? A book? No, a play... called "Ar Men". "Ar Men" is a lighthouse at sea. It's about 2 lighthouse keepers who love the same girl. And then? One falls in love with the other's wife without ever seeing her, just by hearing about her. - He loves her without knowing her? - Yes. That's nice. And then... Nothing. It's in a drawer. They must be cramped in there. I never finished writing it. - Why? - It's not for me. Acting in the same play every night and twice on Saturdays just isn't my thing. You prefer improvising. That shouldn't stop you from finishing it. It's a good story. It is. Scout's honor. I don't even know your name. Claire. ..and the bride could be my daughter... - It's in the trunk. - Thanks. Take this. Otherwise we'll be noticed. Do you smoke? ..No, thanks. - What are they doing? - No idea. What a funny job. What are you going to be? A postman. - A postman? - Yes. When I was a kid, I loved riding my bike. But I couldn't go past the corner. But the postman would turn the corner every day and appear from nowhere with letters. He could turn the corner when he left, and disappear again. So I always said I'd be a postman. From posting to posing you lose a letter. A postman shouldn't lose a letter. - Are you family? - Yes. - Pretty bride! - Superb. - She could be my daughter. - Sure. I really knew her mother well. We had a fling. A hell of a fling, get my drift? Couldn't keep her hands off me. I was shocked to see her here, and living so high when here I am like this. They say she's 22. I'd say older. - How old the bride? - 22, I think. She's 24. June, 1977. That would date her. Can you imagine the scandal if she were mine? - It would be crazy! - Sure... Dumb enough for you? I would like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for coming here today to share Stephanie's happiness and Eric's as well. I would also like to acknowledge a very special person... who has always supported me, been there through thick and thin, and who gave me a great gift, a gift which is now in your hands, Eric. My darling wife, Elisabeth. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. My darling, friends of yours want to speak: Cecile and Thomas, you're on. You are my best friend, I know you know that. Since 8th grade you've always been pretty, rich, nice... intelligent also... Yes, really. I'm used to it. That is, I got used to it, and that was hard enough. Now when I see you happy as well, it's just too much! I love you, sweetie. I love you and God bless you. Well, I... wanted to say the same thing... but to Eric... God bless you... God bless... that's it. Good speech. Hang in there. You have a way to go to be a lawyer. My best to the couple. We all wish them much happiness... and then some. Much more than their parents, who, as we now know, made it through hard times. Especially your father. You never really know who your father is. I know who he is. And I'm going to tell you. He's remarkable, original, unpredictable, right Elisabeth? Thanks. While we're on the subject, someone here would like to tell you... and you, Stephanie... something important. Just a minute. - Try a little improv. - No. She's flustered. I understand. I hate public speaking too. She's having trouble starting. It's nothing... in particular. I just wanted to say that this is great. Thank you, Madam... and you too, Sir. That's it. I don't really know you. We met only once before, earlier today. - I gave you a lighthouse. - A model. It's this tall, and really nice. I could see you thought it was ugly... You're right, it's ugly. But, how can I say this... it means something to me. It has a story. There. And then... My father made the lighthouse. He was an amazing man. You and I have that in common. He had an odd job. He was a lighthouse keeper. Strange, right? What do you do, Eric? What was that? Financial analyst. A financial analyst? Do you like it? Dad's job was the opposite of yours: broad horizons and no future. My father's future was uncertain. He was 30 and didn't know who he would spend it with. In Brittany, women don't like to marry sailors, or lighthouse keepers. One day, a new guy started work with Dad from a far-off island... where Dad had never been. The guy moved in, and they got along very well. The guy loved his fiancée and talked to Dad about her all the time, incessantly... Once they were shut in for something like... 48 days because of the storms which were raging and he spoke of her the whole time, non-stop. Could drive you crazy. And that's what happened: my father went crazy. He fell in love with the fiancée... just like that, without ever knowing her... Why am I telling you this? Some years later, Dad went to that island where the girl lived. There was a dance for Bastille Day, and she was there... And the moment he saw her, he knew her instantly... like he'd always known her. He asked her to dance, and that woman became my mother. Thank you so much. Vodka, please. - A gift from the bride. - Well earned. - That's not a bad end. - It's neat. - Not bad. - I improvised. Thanks. - Madam? - I'll have the same. - What is it? - Vodka. Here. What time is it? Move in closer. Solange will give you a copy. - Yes, Solange. - Don't move. Smile! Thank you. Everyone loved it. The story about your dad was great. I liked you better at the convention, but since my wife wanted none of... You know... it was a hit. - Where are you going? - We have a train at 5:30. - Does that mean you're done? - Yes. What about your colleagues? I don't know. No, they're staying. We alternate for variety, so people don't get bored. Yes, of course. Thank you, anyway. It was great. No, let me thank you. Goodbye. Do I settle up with them? You got bad stock? - 25,000 shares. - Shit! Excuse me! Have you seen an old blue car? I mean, green? - They just left. - How long ago? 5 minutes. Did they leave a bag? I'll miss my train again. Where's the Campanile Hotel? There's one in Feyzin. We'll catch a cab. Where can I call a taxi? 67% end in divorce these days. That's 7 out of ten! But it doesn't stop them! They come every Saturday. Last week was the 2nd time I took one lady to get married. She recognized me. We spoke... You have no idea what I get to see in my rear-view mirror. It's obvious some won't last. Maybe you see them in reverse. You married? Yes. - How long? - Eight years. I'd have said less. It doesn't show. I'm having trouble with 7. It isn't working out. We both have lovers on the side. Usually by 8 years couples are fine... Unless there's an accident. Here you are. Thanks. Let me help you. Locked. Bye. - Good luck. - It's nothing... - Thanks, goodbye. - Bye. - Congratulations. - Thanks. Hello. - Are Mr. Coutard and Ms. Cohen here? - Yes. - Are you Mr. Cassini? - Yes. They're in room 11. Room 12 is for you, but it's a regular room. Yes. You know, a normal one... The honeymoon suite is already taken. Oh well, it'll do. Won't it? Yes, it'll do. - Nobody told me. - They couldn't. They didn't know, right? Nobody knew. Not even us. - Did you know? - No, I'm finding out. You just can't do that! If you hate it stay in the car, but if you're with us don't mix it all up! Stick with us if you don't mind. That's enough. No it isn't! I spent an hour warming them up! - You'd have blown it. - No! I was doing fine! You can't do that! You can't just throw in a novice. Remember, we're paid to do it! It won't work if you do that. Otherwise we're finished! - You finished? - No I'm not. Is there a train to Toulouse tonight? Tell me why you did that! Forget it, it's not worth it. When's the first train tomorrow? - We knew you ditched us. - I never said that. You didn't say that? No, I said he was sick of doing gags, that's all. It doesn't take brains to notice, because I've had it too. I'd like to be on stage again. It's better than sitting in that crappy car hearing you argue! You both piss me off! Good job! You made a hell of a mess. - Alice! - Get lost! - Where are you going? - Nowhere! - It's not my fault. - It never is. Wait! Open my door. - Hurry up! - Wait a second! Well? There are none tonight. - Sparks are flying. - It's nothing. 3 is a bad number. That's good news about the trains. There goes your bag again. Would you like a drink? No. There's nothing here. No. He went to Senegal to sell his car. Then he stopped in Bamako, where Peugeot 403's are everywhere, so he kept it. - Wasn't it a 404? - No, 403. - Can we get a drink? - Yes. 404's are everywhere, but 403's... Sorry to bother you. I brought some champagne. Come in. Compliments of the house. I'll put it here. It's chilled. Do I open it? No thanks, it's OK. Well, best wishes. Thanks. Have a good life together. With lots of kids. Don't you want kids? Not right away. I want three. Three is perfect. Can we still eat? The kitchen is closed. You might get sandwiches. Is that OK? That's fine. OK. I'll go and see. Thanks. I found this on the floor. Is it yours? Yes. Thanks. I'll be right back. - What is it? - My broach. It's pretty. Are you OK? What time is your train tomorrow? 7:00. 7:12 exactly. 7:12... I don't know why they choose times like 7:12 or 6:43... Maybe it's to confuse us? Apparently, in the 1950's people laughed nearly 2 minutes a day. Now we only laugh for about 10 seconds. - Not much, is it? - Yeah. But two minutes seem like a lot... Yes. What are your kids' names? Victor and Pauline. - How old are they? - Seven and nine. - Do you have any kids? - No. Together in the bathroom tomorrow, then the train would be much too... Too what? Too painful. Sandwiches are coming. - Do you have any rooms left? - Yes. - Are you expecting someone? - No. Room 14 is free. - It's right next door. - OK. - Under what name? - Cassini. - Is Mr. Carioux paying for it? - I am. Thanks. - Still want the sandwiches in room 12? - Yes. - Are you changing rooms? - Yes. Why? No reason. - Do you want a coffee? - No thanks. I got a drink. Want one? No, thanks. We ate dinner in Lyon. The food was great at Gamboni's. Can I have the car keys? I'm taking her to the train. - What time? - 7:00 a.m. We can go together and drive on from there. Give him the key. - May I? - Smoking again? Do you have more? Yeah. Thanks. Goodnight. Goodnight. I made chicken salad. Could I have a light? - Want one? - Sure. Me too. I keep trying to quit. I understand. - I have one too. - What kind? A Vespa... an old one. - Is that Italian? - Yes. - What's that? - Yamaha. - 9 horsepower. - Japanese. Where're you from? There. - Where's that? - There. The hotel? Yes. Is it nice? Yes. Hi. The sandwiches... Some friends. This is my friend, Claire. - It's not a Rolls... - It's easier to handle. Want to take a ride? Alright. - It's not very practical. - Not very. Are you on? I'm on. - What time is it? - A quarter to six. - What? - A quarter to six. It's cold. Aren't you cold? Yes. Your face is scratchy. What did you say? I said I won't have time to shave. Check out the lighthouse! This thing is such a pain. I won't forget it. - You smoke? - Yes. Not before breakfast. A small coffee. A double espresso, please. - Any croissants? - Nothing, thanks. - For you, Miss? - No... An orange juice. Actually, make that two. He said Miss. Yes. No one's called me that for ages. - Do you have plans in Paris? - Yes. Well... What time is it? I never know. 7:05. I feel I'm on the edge of a cliff. Yes. Are you married? Since last night I am. Few people marry in a Rolls. - A Bentley. - Not a Rolls? - No. - Really? But a Bentley is better. It's more unusual. Not everybody marries in a Rolls. The police are towing cars outside. Those who can do... So a Bentley is better? I'm not so sure about the hotel... The hotel parking lot. - Aren't you going? - Yes. If they tow Churchill's car, I'm sunk. Get some pickles, some mustard too, bread and butter, and some onions, a jar of jam, eggs and ham, and more pickles... - How much is it? - It's all paid, Madam. I gave in to them. - We got a Play Station! - And lots of games! We saw Grandma. And she asked us over to lunch tomorrow. I didn't commit. - OK? - Yes. - Are you OK? - Yes. Kopperia no hitsugi Nagareru namida wa mou karehate Chi ni ueta kodoku Shi wa tenshi no nikoge no nioi o sasete mau Kuroi taiyou ga shizumanu machi de Dare mo ga damatte kijutsu-meki hataraku Anata ni aenai Koko de wa aenai Warera sukuitamaeru kami Kopperia no hitsugi Hito wa odori-tsukareta ningyou Saidan no hitsuji Kikai-jikake no yume wa doko ni mukatte yuku Kopperia no hitsugi Kurayami kara mezameru hikari yo Saidan no hitsuji Neji no togireta yume wa doko ni mukatte iku Noir... It is the name of an ancient fate. Two maidens who govern death. The peace of the newly born, their black hands protect. [The Darkness Within Me] Chloe! Corsica is a special place. For me and for her. Her? You mean Kirika? Yes... She and I are special. She and I are the true Noir. Kirika is a true Noir? I would like to become friends with you. Friends? Because you are her friend, aren't you? Yes, I am sure we can become friends. After all, you are also unmistakably a child of the Soldats. A child of the Soldats... In Corsica, Chloe told me... That you and she are special. That you are a true Noir. My parents were members of the Soldats. That watch is proof of that. He said that my mother and father tried to save me. And even my brother was... Why? I know that you aren't lying to me. And I'll acknowledge your skills too. Your ability to kill surpasses even mine. You are a splendid assassin, and... You are a disturbing enigma. Please, get out of my sight. Please, just for now. Please... It's a rather gloomy day, isn't it? Yes... The bus is so late. They keep increasing the fare and this is what we get! Yes... I'm going to visit my grandchildren. I'd rather not see my daughter-in-law, but I guess it can't be helped. Where are you going, dear? Are you feeling all right? I don't know. My friend is suffering. I can understand her suffering, but I can't understand anything else. I see, that must be hard. Oh, here comes the bus. Aren't you getting on? Who am I? I am Noir. The true Noir... A disturbing enigma... There aren't always two rails. Here... I was asked to give this to you. See? The driver of that car asked. I'm glad you decided to join me. It's nothing really. I just wanted to talk to you. Driver, let's go. Yes, Sir. I am going to cut my introduction short, because I am nothing more than a messenger. But you belong to the Soldats, right? That's right, but you needn't be wary of me right now. I am not here to kill you. Sanctioning you is a job that belongs to others. Chloe? No, you're wrong. The orders to sanction you two have been given out to the entire organization, but Chloe acts only on Altena's will. Altena? Altena has control of Chloe. This is why we would very much like to have you. I am on the side that disagrees with Altena's principles. Altena... Is that the name of an influential member of the Soldats? "Le Grand Retour", the Great Return... Have you ever heard this phrase? Chloe spoke of it. But I know nothing else. I see. Altena wishes for the Grand Retour. To be sure, it is something all of the Soldats agree upon, but we believe Altena's methods to be extremely dangerous. That has to do with Chloe and me, doesn't it? Yes. "Constantly provide water and light to the saplings." We are prepared to provide you with information. Visit Alexander Trading Company at 27 Clery Street. A sinner, once passed away, will never return, but the sins will never vanish and the love will never die. The hermit also spoke thus. The blood of the Soldats will seep throughout the wilderness and flow into the great river. It's me. You're the man from last night. You? ! There was a man who was killed at Alexander Trading Company. Yes, I just heard about that as well. The man had some photocopies in his hand. Photocopies of two pages from the book. We had intended to give you a copy of the book, but... Are there no more copies? What about the original? I do not know the whereabouts of the original, but I have copies. Please let me see them! The situation has changed. I sense that I am in danger as well. I can never come in contact with you again. Please! Eight in the evening in front of Carillon Theatre. That will be the last time. Mireille? Mireille! I have been searching for you. Did you kill the man at Alexander Trading Company? No... But had that been a task that was given to me, I would surely have executed it without hesitation. I know that one of the Soldats' cells made contact with you. But that is not why I was searching for you. It is about your friend. About Mireille? You know about the orders to sanction you, don't you? Many different traps are ceaselessly being set in the dark. And even now... Yes, your friend... Tonight, at eight, in Gustave Square... I do not know the details of the plan. Eight o'clock? ! They don't care what pretense they use to lure her out. It could be the Soldats or the watch. Your friend is certain to go. I thought about leaving the matter alone. After all, it is only one of many day-to-day trials. But she is your friend. It is your choice. Will you continue down this path, or... Thank you! Oh, Miss! Your change! A sinner, once passed away, will never return, but the sins will never vanish and the love will never die. The hermit also spoke thus. The blood of the Soldats will seep throughout the wilderness and flow into the great river. Is that all? So you're saying you just passed up this great lead? Didn't you think about getting the copy rather than saving me? You forgot this. "A wounded beast only sees its own pain." It's as if it was talking about me. Your wound is far deeper. Probably, so deep that it's unbearable. That may be true. But I have to know what it is. My self within the darkness. No... The darkness within me. Sotto furerarete Kono hoho no tsumetasa ni yatto kizuita Asa me ga samete Tori no koe ni hajimete kizuku you ni Totsuzen Mada shiranai nani mo Kokoro ga motometeru mono Shiranai no Sora bakari mite ita Itsu kara kou shite Ano kumo no mashita e omoi o tobashite [Preview] [The forbidden book] [The faint hope is lost] [A nightmare] [from the far reaches of time] [The Two Hands of The Soldats] Okay, I think that managed to escape. Just have to tighten the nut here y. .. that's it. You are now leaving the two hot water taps! What? Well not so bad You're always complaining that there is little hot water. You should call a professional from time to time. We charge $ 70 just to come home! Look, I know that my work is not perfect but I save a lot money and at least now fixed. Now if you'll excuse me ... someone is calling. Malcolm 2x17 - Operation Subtitles made by matiasmab21 * From fans to fans * The tension is raised on the Olympic shaving number 8215 Hal has lost a few crucial seconds with soap, but will mount it with the blade. This is worth gold! Hal, boys, breakfast! Day chops! Dewey do not panic but there's a spider on your plate! If Dad ... always spiders in the days of chops. You know, I do not feel very well. I could give my Dad chops but that's not going to the spirit of this day. Mom my stomach hurts. Me too! No kidding. I'm serious! It hurts! Reese Shut up! Mom .. - I see spots! Mami! Well enough is enough. I do not care for that review did not study or work they did, going to go to school. You know, now that you mention it ... Everyone will go! Lord, what are you doing? Why is going to take our TV? It's for your own good cadet. But that's the only thing that makes this place endure. Television rots the mind cadet. How can concentrate on their studies and enhance their character if your brain is full of "sun, the beach vigiliantes? Now have time for more productive use. Write letters, I'm sure your recipients will thank you. Well, that's ridiculous! I say we should do something! You're right! Spangler can not make arbitrary decisions about our lives. He can not tell us where to go and what to do! One moment, if you can. Francis Face it, we are prisoners without rights. Well, then we are helpless. But even the defenseless have options! History is full of people supposedly helpless achieved oppose their oppressors. What do you mean? In civil disobedience! .. Como a hunger strike! We can do that! Will not want to starve the children in their care. Sure it works! I do not know. Is not that a bit drastic? Should we start after dinner? What do we have? Meatloaf. The strike begins now! Malcolm, why you walk like that? I still hurts here. But this is the weekend. Okay, everyone get on the car! We go to the hospital! Mom ... Why is this man put a bulb in the ...? Dewey! Stay away from there. Dad you okay? I'm fine, son. I just do not really like hospitals. They can outfit with flowers and pictures but let's face, this place is a butcher! Hal! Are already testing. White blood cells are at 12.2 and those pricks in the side I am afraid it is appendicitis. Will remain under observation tonight and probably tomorrow it will operate. Will I be trading? You do not have to worry. Not even going to be even a scar. If I sign these forms, you will enter. Are you going to open the stomach? As a trout! Do not worry you will not feel anything. You'll be unconscious. Not exactly. I saw on TV that guy who woke up while it was operated and what they were doing but I could not scream because he was paralyzed Reese for the love of God, stop talking! Mom ... Honey, do not worry. You'll have your own TV, many people pediente you. You'll be better than at home. Why am I in the field of children? I'm sorry honey but you're 6 months younger to have your own room. I heard that if you behave yourself you will drink apple juice. Dad want to wait in the car? No, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm on a beach. I see the sand ... surf ... there are no bubbles. There's this horrible plague and penetrating antiseptic hospital ...! Hal! Coming. Take care of your father at home, you'll be fine. Get well son! Reese, embrace your brother. ... Mom! Do it! If you tell someone to hug you I'll send you back here! Adios! Why forced him to hug me? Wait! Why did you hug me? ! How quiet is here without Malcolm. Die? On a chop. It's mine! Come, I'm full. Me too. And me too. I was waiting for someone to fight for it. Can we play "March and Conquer"? This game is not fun! Malcolm always crushed in 5 minutes. Yes! Can we? I do not know ... Please. We have to be 3 at least to play. All right. Very good Lois, see how you defend the black sea without matches and the tartanelos. Yeah, yeah .. just wait. An hour and we're still playing! Usually I run out before you. Guess what ... We are like the family of the box. If ... "I can be the girl? Not while I send child. Want to play the fish? No, not want to play for 5 minutes. I did not want to play in an hour. Do not want to play! Do you have a 5? And this is our inflamed appendix. The patient arrived today complaining of abdominal pain the right quadrant. Can we start putting serum, Catherine? God! Not me again ... Please! Come out all right this time Catherine, accidents happen. Can not someone else to do ..? Helmot going to hold. If you feel pain, you bite the hand with all the strength you have, he does not care. How long we do not eat? 33 hours and 12 minutes. God and are serving dinner. Firm! I found only in the last meals. Are we on a diet? Not a football season. We are on a hunger strike sir. We will not eat until we return the TV. Passive resistance. This is the last resort of cowards. What about the Gandinga? A hen. This is a fight, sir, we will not surrender until justice. Well, let's see if I understand. I'm going to keep eating and you do not. I already feel the pressure. Stop It Now Let Mom! Well, you can do this the easy way and surrender with dignity ... Or I can destroy you. Do not forget that I have yet to Antarctica and from there to New Zealand. You have nothing. If I can not get a 3, the world is mine. Yes mama! three three three ... I'm sorry honey, you worked hard for a moment I thought you were a. .. Revenge! All right! Hal, are over 12. Revenge! Put the board. Coming. Here it is. What? Just stay quiet, you're in good hands. So your head does not move and Mr. laser can do its job. I'm sure it was not too bad. I did use a potty even though she could walk. The lights at 7 so I can not read. And last night a man I put a cage in the head! I would operate on the brain! A slump. Honey, surely it was just a nightmare. In addition, I feel much better now. I do not need an operation. Okay scare all operations. Believe me, this is going to end before they know it. Between the smell of sickness and not many waffles I feel great. What Waffles? You missed! We went to breakfast at Pete's We're never going to breakfast. Well, we stayed up late playing "Run and Conquest" and your mother was too tired to cook. Did you play a 'march and conquest "without me? Malcolm you did not miss anything, these guys are a band of bread eaten. "Bread eaten? I had the meridian for 3 hours! Well, let's bring the boys home and then your dad and I back in time to your operation, right? . Dewey ... You're wearing my shirt! Really? I'm so hungry! I think we should leave now. Guys ... This hunger strike will only work if we stick together. We can do it! Our stomachs were bridged! The hardest part is over! Good morning cadets. I have to say it's refreshing to see a struggling young value for what they believe. Two whole days, an impressive show of civil disobedience this is the kind stomach strength that can only be rewarded with a large tortilla. Tempt us with food will not work sir. Of course not. These delicious eggs and other ingredients are for me. Now, this is my dilemma ... What am I going to put put my tortilla? Black forest ham, cheese import Or some wild mushrooms. "Wild? What the hell ..? Give me everything! There is our comrade down. I love the room 24! Your appendix ... when ... you ... take it away ...? Tonight but I do not know ... I feel better may not need this operation. What do you mean? ! Of course you need the operation! Pe ... Do not you understand? It's a goldmine! Take advantage of the situation while it lasts! With angina I had got this watch! And my testicle Strap gave me a weekend in "Disneyland" I am ... a step .. .. to get a "Range Rover" Well you have 2 hours and then have to return to the hospital. Do you mind eat leftovers? Prefer is up to you but it would be a piece of cake, right? What do you mean? "March and conquer" You called me a piece of cake, not deny it! Come on baby, crush you. That's because you got lucky with the dice and did not have the responsibility to protect to Brazil and I would not call it "crush" What do you call? "Defeat? "Raze? "Annihilate? Bring the board. How are you tiger? I want to take note of the patient treatment. Dr Harrison glad to see me, wanted to talk to you ... I feel much better, I have no fever since 6 hours I think my first blood tests were not accurate. This is what we call "a hysterical patient" I'm not hysterical, I just think it would be a good idea I have another test decirdir blood before the body open up! Well that's a great idea, really great. See you later. What's wrong with you? The labs make mistakes! Escuchenmee! Declare war on the country BLUE! Reese, you attack me Why me? Your father is checked! What do you mean Lois? What the boys and I formed a union secret against you? Hal, what you use to communicate in secret is my foot. I can not take it anymore. If not how soon I'm going to faint. Not worth it. I agree. So who are you? Your roommate. If ... "After the Hawaiian party we ski? What? Phil wakes up, you're saying estupideceses. How are we going to have a Hawaiian party trapped in a submarine? Wait I hear footsteps. Come on guys, we're doing well. I think we're on the right track, let a little and the commander ... "Spangler? Yes .. Spangler. Spangler commander will have to accept our demands. Francis ... It's time to talk. Sorry gentlemen please. Take your time. Yes! Nows the islands are mine! Let me see those dice. Are you accusing me of cheating? That ridiculous! It's the pizza delivery guy. Why do not you open? "For my artillery disappears mysteriously as when I went for a glass of water? Or when I went to the bathroom and your tanks materialized on my border? I do not understand. Sign! "Closed" Try out the window! What? ! Do not you ever share a pizza? Enter through the window! Also it is closed! Well, thanks then. Take, drink this. What is this? It is a sedative, the operation went ahead. What do you refieron that came forward? Even my parents are here! Sure they notify. Look, I think taking this until I do another test. Take the pills. No, I do not ... I know you're scared, and that is normal for a child. But now you have to leave to be responsible adults. Just relax until the pills take effect. Good boy. Reese's your turn. What are you doing? Do not Know! I have hunger. Reese, if you attack me, I annihilate. If not attacking, you annihilate. Just do not want to play anymore, I hate this game! Never was so horrible! Even when we crushed Malcolm! You're right. Look what we've become. Without humbling Malcolm on our worst instincts. I feel sorry for us. So you give up? Let him and Lois. You're right. Reese, do the honors. Well, Who wants to go see burn the damn game? Siii! Cadet I have to admit I thought it would give up much earlier. But instead have shown their willingness, good teamwork and the power to continue, well done. What? The strike. Sure, sure strike. Well that's good because we were going to do that .. thing until we get Well you know. Yes, I think I know. Are we talking about my treasure? We did it! The strike is over, we won! Siii! We got the magic hat! What happened to television? Here's your blood friend. Thanks, here is my urine. Lucky in drug test. Although I'd need help. I knew it! Hi, I was looking for. I have some good news. You see, I made me another blood test and shows that do not need a operation because If the levels return to normal signifcant is not appendicitis. Sure it's an infection or flu. Yes, small. I have to ... talk to Dr Harrison. Counting backwards from 100. Hey champ, you will we get the appendix in the blink of an eye. Well, scalpel. Wait a minute. "I do not operate, 16:47 platelet hyh 310" these are the results a blood test. White blood cells 8.4 Is it right? Let me give you more anesthetic. Maybe we should do another blood test. Spangler was right, we do not need television. This is nice. There is fresh air. Some exercise. Nice shot! Thanks. I think that if magic. Is not Francis? Do not forget to plug the holes. Nothing better than two days in the hospital to assess your home. Give me that! My God! Look to the hospital bill. I can not imagine what it would cost if they had operated. I guess vacation goodbye. What we have to pay that although he was faking? I was not faking, I was the one who realized that they are wrong, remember? Well, if you're so smart why do not you find it before? Well son, Will you answer that? Nothing like 10 seconds at home to assess the hospital. INSPECTOR REX A DEADLY TEST The salesperson got it wrong. I wanted it sent home. - I always wanted one like that. - Me too. Come on, Rex. You're the goalkeeper. The goalkeeper and you stop the ball. Like this. - Be careful, please. - We must play it in. - You're our goalkeeper. - Why? - Because I say so. - Okay? Start. Goal! Push one. One, not the lot. - You're too slow. - And you're asleep. - You can't beat us. - Now I'm attacking. - We'll lose by more. - No. Your turn. Oh my. My lovely game. The table isn't at all sturdy. Rex... You mustn't give it all you've got. Brandtner. - Is that you, Georg? - Yes. - Weren't you going to be later? - I swapped shifts. It appears the killer struck her with a notebook. With full force. I found heavy bruises at the back of the woman's head. Alex... She was PR officer of an airline. Her office is on the 20th floor. - Any witnesses? - No, although it's a glass lift. When the questioning's over the couple can go home. And we'll look at her office. We could go and eat Japanese. Give me ten minutes. I'll shower and we'll go. Can we afford it? Yes. Two bowls of rice and green tea. Shall I shower with you? It was the victim's notebook. She took it everywhere. But nobody saw her get into the lift. Did Forensics find fingerprints on the notebook? Very prominent ones, but they're not on file. I talked to the PR's sister. She had a small circle of friends. But she was popular. She's been single for a year. There are over 200 offices, several shops, a restaurant and a cafe. It will take days to question the staff. Wake up! The film's over. Hey, get up. - What's up? - The film's over. Would you please leave. I slept so well. Hurry up. Don't do that. Sod it! - Your vanilla ice cream. - Thanks. - And wafers. - Many thanks. Don't you like the ice cream? Somebody must have hit him with the fire extinguisher, he dragged himself to the stairs and got caught. A notebook, a fire extinguisher. Is it the same killer? Maybe. I see parallels with the lift case. The killer again struck with full force. And with the nearest available object. Yes. I've had enough for today. More details tomorrow. Bye. Christian... Rex, sniff it. Very good, Rex. Great. Ask Forensics to check this seat. Now that we know his seat, I'll question the staff tomorrow. I bet they won't remember. There are thousands of seats! He might have made a phone booking. - You're an optimist. - That's why I'm your partner. No, don't! What's wrong with you? You're bathed in sweat. - You had a nightmare? - Yes, a very bad one. - I hope, not about me. - No. Pity you didn't dream what I dreamt. You dreamt of Japan again. Of a samurai who saved me from wild robbers and abducted me to the mountains. Stupid bastard. No, I didn't dream that. But I'd love to go to Japan. A police notice. We ask all cinemagoers who attended the 9 p.m. session in the Cineplex-Centre, cinema D, to get in touch. Stay tuned. We keep you best informed. I'm sorry. I know the music's too loud. I'll turn it down. I thought you'd gone to uni. Come in. - Look, I don't have time. - Don't exaggerate. - When is your exam? - Tomorrow. - And... are you nervous? - Not this time. I'm sure you'll pass. Kunz. The lab. At last. Brandtner. Don't keep me in suspense. Thanks. It can't be true. What? They compared the fingerprints. They're not the same. Two killers, and the second isn't on file either. This stinks. You can say that again. Okay... let's concentrate on the second case. The culprit brought the juice tin in from outside. - They don't sell that brand. - And we know the seat number. We also know he took the subway. Rex traced him. Hello. Alex, this gentleman called the police. - What did you see? - I didn't see much. I was over there beside my car. The lorry barred my view completely. - But I heard something. - Like what? A woman and a man were quarrelling. She screamed at him for racing his bike on the pavement. - And then? - Then? He said "Don't get excited. Nothing happened." But she didn't calm down. Kept screaming at him. Then suddenly it went quiet. That's when I got curious. Then I went from there... over to there. And she was lying over there. She didn't move. Her head was covered in blood. - Did you see the cyclist? - No, no... I think he took off in that direction. Fritz, what about the woman? She has head injuries and is in shock. Thanks for your support. If you think of anything else, please ring. I'm grateful. Bye. Well? Now we know for sure it was a male. They all agreed on his age. Between 20 and 30. One woman heard his pager ring once, a short tone. - A SMS? - That's what she thought. But it doesn't help us. Hello. - What are you doing? - Cleaning the lock. Blood? Yes, I had a slight accident. - Were you hurt? - No, don't worry. - What happened? - I collided with another bike. - Luckily, I'm not hurt. - And the other person? - Hurt her knee. - Badly? Only bruised. - Another beer? - No, thanks. Hello, I'm an organ donor. Do you need anything? - What's on offer? - Why discuss it here? - Got a better suggestion? - In my intensive care unit? We haven't got anywhere. Let's check the facts again. In each case there's no link between victim and culprit. So there are no personal motives. Given how the culprits acted, it was unplanned. But all three cases showed immense brutality. Ring Drug Addiction. Maybe there's a new, unprescribed drug out. You think they attack when they're high? Look... it's either freaky junkies or psychopaths, or... or whatever... People who turn into killers under hypnotic pressure. For no reason whatsoever they blow their top and brutally kill people. Got a better explanation? No. I'll look through the files for similar cases. Rex, will you get me a coke? Can we talk to the woman? Kunz will ring when she wakes up. Thanks, Rex. Why didn't I think of that before? This tin has a special code. - Why all the hurry? - It's urgent. Slow down. Or you'll run out of steam when we get there. You don't know how fit I am. Let him sleep, Rex. What's up? I'll call a taxi. - Want to leave now? - Yes. - Why? - Why not? Why should you care? So... where's the phone? I'm not saying. I'll find a taxi outside. Hey, you can't do that to me. Stay on a while. I think you could do with a shave, Rex. Hey, give me the razor back. Give it back. Enough, Rex. Give me my razor. Won't he obey you? - Does it hurt? - No. Taking blood is part of it. Well, that was it. You took the drugs regularly? Exactly as you said. Every four hours. Easy, with the watch you gave me. Did you notice any changes in the last three days? No. Panic attacks or sweating? No, I feel much better now I take the drug six times a day. - No headaches? - No. No flicker before the eyes? Sometimes... forget it. - Come on, tell me. - Is it important? - What is it? - Sometimes I feel irritable. Must be the heavy workload. I noted it in my daily reports. Lately I haven't had much sleep. If you feel any discomfort, please let me know. See you in three days. Bye. Oh yes, the cheque. Here. Thanks. Has the lift killer struck again? It can't be true. Sabine! Sabine... What's up? The dead woman in the lift... The notebook... I killed that woman. Two heavy blows to the head. Maybe with the tequila bottle. It doesn't stop. Bye. Kunz just rang. The code on the tin looks helpful. It came from a supermarket in Laudon Lane. Laudon Lane... Close to two student hostels. Yes. Why? We're looking for a man between 20 and 30 who buys juice at a shop, not the cinema. - To save money. - Who hasn't much money? Students. I killed that woman. You didn't even know her. I don't know why. You must go to the police. No, see a doctor. What will happen to us? They'll say I'm crazy. Put me away for life. You want that? Georg, please... The drugs... maybe it's to do with the drugs. What drugs? I volunteered as a guinea-pig for a new drug. Why didn't you tell me? It pays. You've studied Japanese for years and never got there. - I saved for the trip. - Georg, you're crazy. You can't risk your health for that. Rex. Mr Brauneis? A fruit juice drinker. And a film freak. He's our man. Hey, I don't know you. You're a lovely dog. Who do you belong to? Me. Hello, I'm Brandtner. Criminal Investigation. - Police? - We're looking for Mr Brauneis. No idea where Moritz is. - A student of... - Mathematics. - Is he in any trouble? - We'll see. Have you noticed any change in him lately? No, he was as usual. A bit quiet because of his exam. - Is he taking drugs? - I don't know about it. - Do you know his friends? - He's a loner. Film stars are his friends. I've got a lecture. - Never seen a blond student? - Not with such great legs. - What's up? - The police are after you. - The police? Why? - You should know. I was caught last week stealing a book. The man promised not to report me. Now the cops are after me. What can I do? My exam starts in an hour. I must be there. My car's over there. Come with me. Come on. Run, run! Get away! Off! Reverse. I can't get out. - Put your foot down. - I can't kill the dog. Drive off. He'll move. But drive off. Drive off! Go! Mr Brauneis, I presume? Get out. - Mucking us around? - No. I admitted I was in the cinema. You must believe me. The film wasn't exciting. I fell asleep. That's all I remember. From when do you remember things again? At home. I showered, then went to bed. No idea how or when I got home. And you've never seen that man before? I don't think so. And your prints on the extinguisher? I'd like to know. So think about it. He's having us on. - I'm not so sure. - Where's your brain? News for you. We found these drugs in his room. - Your coffee. - Thank you. I always had doubts about the dosage. - They were unfounded. - No, thanks. None of your guinea-pigs had problems. It was okay to try a higher dosage. Why am I the only one giving a higher dosage? Calm down, nothing happened. When the product's out you'll get your cut. You need the money, right? I understand. See? After this trial, I'm out. I won't take part in illegal tests again. You said you were studying for a difficult test, right? Yes. Ten to twelve hours a day. I know some students take stimulants before tests. - To learn better. - I don't need to. What's this? - A sort of sedative. - Where from? I volunteered as a guinea-pig for a trial. It's harmless. Hello. - Are you Dr Peterka? - Yes. What can I do for you? Moritz Brauneis, the mathematics student. Yes, he's part of the group. I don't see the connection between homicide and a student. Mr Brauneis is suspected of killing a person. What? And how can I help you? What drugs must your guinea-pigs swallow? First, they're not guinea-pigs. Second, it's not a must. They're volunteers, under strict medical control. Volunteers. What drug do they take? It's a new anti-depressant, being tested in association with a drug company. Could it be that this drug causes aggression? No. I can reassure you. So far there have been no side-effects. Can I have a list of the people? Sorry, they're my patients. Medical secrecy, I see. It can't be helped. Thanks for your help. Play sick. - Can I use your toilet? - Over there. A nice house. Is that genuine Art Nouveau? Look at the woodwork. My wife had it renovated. She loves the house. The way the jamb tapers. We had a job to find it. What's wrong with him? He recently had a kidney infection. Wait a minute. I'll get something. Tell him to drink water. Drink it, it's good for you. He doesn't want it. - Here. Give him one. - What is it? A suppository. Never seen one? I have. But never as big as this. Try to get up. Is it that bad? Poor dog. Give him one straight away. It works immediately. Rex? - What's up? - Maybe his kidneys again. You poor thing. Can you walk at all? Take all of them. And I urge you to see a vet right away. You're a born actor, Rex. Gee, you're so heavy. Why all this fuss? Why not just a search warrant? He'd have erased the data by the time we got there. - Did you get the stuff? - I think so. We don't need these any more. Or do we? Just kidding. Hey Fritz, we'll see Dr Graf. I just sent myself an E-mail. Open it. It's urgent. Yes. Will we ever have anything not urgent? Did you take other drugs? No. - Or did you drink alcohol? - No, I didn't. Not a drop while I'm on drugs. We'll take you off the drug straight away. Then what? I killed a woman. How can I cope with it? I'll call a colleague. It won't take long. Dr Wimmer. Yes. What? Impossible. Sure, I'll come over... When I can get away. But I urge you not to let him leave. Don't forget, you're involved in this too. I'm well aware of it. My colleague's on his way. I'm going to turn myself in. And you come too. All right. Seems like the best solution. They might find the test drugs just an excuse for the murder. - You can't be serious. - I'm sure the pills don't count. We'll find out. I'm off to the police. - Hello. - Hello. I'm Sabine Bauer. I want to give evidence. Sit down. It's about my friend, not me. He works as a guinea-pig with a doctor. I feel he's of unsound mind at times. He's vanished. I'm afraid something may happen. There you are. Got it? We did a quick analysis. Look, in the brain... Leo, please get to the point. Yes, yes. We found a substance in the pills that acts on the dopa system. Meaning? Dopamine acts to pass on thought signals in the brain. One pill six times a day was too high a dose. What happens? It can cause a paradoxical effect. It may cause severe outbursts of aggression. Some people can't remember a thing afterwards. Here's a list of experimentees on high doses for the past three days. I see. And three days ago the first murder happened. Excuse me. Brandtner. A woman here says her friend may be the lift killer. - Name? - Georg Hofmann. He's on our list. Get back-up. All the subjects must see a doctor. Maybe it caused a cross-reaction. He assured me he hadn't taken any alcohol or other drugs. - The dose was too high. - There could be other reasons. And the mathematics student? It's no coincidence. - There they are again. - Who? The police. They were here before. - You're in a hurry. - May I? The tests and dosage aren't down to me. We'll see. - Who's in there? - Dr Wimmer, from research. Christian... Stay, Rex. Rex, it won't work. Shit. Come here. He'll soon wake up. The doctor gave him a strong sedative. Rex, I think he'll remember you for quite a while� (Thunder rumbles) 'The day after Queen Anne Boleyn was beheaded on Tower Green 'her lady-in-waiting was rowed up the river Thames 'towards the royal palace. 'The lady-in-waiting was Jane Seymour. 'She was to be King Henry's new wife. 'The dead queen's body was scarcely cold 'but the next queen was on her way to be betrothed to a man 'who had banished one wife and beheaded another.' There was a complete contrast between Henry's second and third wives. They were night and day, heaven and hell. Anne Boleyn was a dramatic brunette with smouldering black eyes and a spirit and temper to match. She was capable of arousing Henry to heights of passion and to fits of sputtering rage. Jane Seymour, in contrast, was fair, so fair that she was almost pallid. She had pale blue eyes, mousy blonde hair and a little, receding chin. And she was quiet, demure, submissive - the perfect little woman, the model Tudor wife. But can she really have been such a doormat? After all she had helped engineer Anne Boleyn's downfall and she'd stepped to her throne pretty coolly through her blood. 'In order to marry Anne, 'Henry had made himself the Supreme Head of the English Church 'in place of the Pope. 'Traditional Catholics were appalled by Henry's religious revolution 'and Jane Seymour was among them. 'She had been lady-in-waiting 'to the deeply Catholic Catherine of Aragon 'and she hoped that Henry too would return to the true faith. 'So as Henry flirted with Jane, 'traditionalists led by Sir Nicholas Carew, 'were delighted - but they had a powerful enemy. 'Thomas Cromwell had his own agenda for radical religious reform, 'so behind the scenes 'he would always fight Jane's influence on his master. 'Henry wasn't taking Jane particularly seriously.' He was grooming her to be a casual mistress, not a wedded wife. So he used his usual,technique of seduction he sent her a letter full of high-flown sentiments and a purse with money in payment for services which, no doubt he thought would be rendered. 'And Jane might have remained just that, 'one of Henry's many mistresses, 'but her response to his gift transformed her life 'and sealed the fate of her mistress, Anne Boleyn.' She rejected the money and she handed the letter back unopened, then flung herself on her knees and addressed the King through his messenger. (Anne) 'l am a gentlewoman 'of good, honourable parents without reproach 'and I have no greater riches in the world than my honour, 'which I would not injure for a thousand deaths 'and if the King wishes to make me some present of money 'l beg it might be when God enables me to make some honourable match.' 'It was a masterpiece of seduction 'presented as virtuous refusal. 'For Henry, this was powerrfully attractive. 'Jane had been coached by Nicholas Carew, 'who told her to play up her natural demureness 'to lure the king away from the stridently sexy Anne Boleyn. 'Manipulating Henry's affections was a dangerous game 'but Carew had chosen the right moment and the right woman.' Henry had been bowled over by Jane's performance. She'd offered herself to him as his wife and he accepted her with enthusiasm. His behaviour towards her transformed accordingly. From having been the hardened seducer he became the respectful suitor. He would only see her with a chaperone so Jane, her brother and her sister-in-law were moved into a secret apartment next to the King. Meanwhile, as the King and his new wife-to-be were enacting this parade of virtue, Henry's old wife, Anne Boleyn, was being sent to her death on trumped up charges of multiple adultery, incest and perversion. 'Ten days after her execution, 'Henry and Jane were secretly married in the Queen's Closet. 'Jane took as her motto "Bound to obey and serve" 'but she never surrendered her distinctly Catholic faith. 'As soon as she became Queen 'Jane put her own stamp on the court. 'In particular, she expected her ladies to be models of virtue. 'They were advised to be sober, sad, wise, discreet and lowly 'and above all things, obedient and willing to be governed. 'They were banned from dressing in seductive French fashions 'and instead had to wear traditional English dress.' Jane's new style came as a blessed relief to the King and the court. "We have come from hell into heaven," remarked one of Henry's oldest friends. But the real question was whether England would now come to heaven in a new way. Religion was one of the areas where 16th-century women had a certain freedom of action. Anne Boleyn had pushed that freedom to the limits and beyond in favour of religious reform. Jane Seymour's religious beliefs were as sincere as Anne's but they were the opposite. She was a pious Catholic, not a radical reformer. But would Jane be as persuasive for her beliefs as Anne had been for hers? Henry had begun to reform the Church for the love of his second wife. Would he undo what he had done go back to Catholicism, perhaps even to Rome for the love of his third? 'The first test of Jane's influence was in defence of the Princess Mary, 'daughter of Catherine of Aragon. 'Mary had been brought up a devout Catholic 'and under Anne Boleyn, had been pronounced illegitimate. 'But Mary refused to acknowledge her demotion 'and when the sympathetic Jane replaced hostile Anne, 'Mary's supporters saw a chance to get her rehabilitated. 'Their leader, Nicholas Carew 'urged Jane to approach Henry directly. 'But Jane was no mere instrument, 'she had a deep personal loyalty to Mary 'and she made her cause her own. 'But there were real dangers in doing what Carew wanted.' Even to name Mary as heir was treason. Henry's temper was notoriously unreliable and Jane's own position was far from secure. Neverrtheless, Jane was prepared to risk everything out of conscience and conviction. 'Jane begged her husband to restore Mary to the succession. 'Henry told her she was a fool. 'Instead she should be begging for their children 'to be made heirs to the throne. 'But Jane stuck to her guns - 'their children would only be safe 'if justice were done to Mary 'and Mary was made heiress once more. 'Jane spoke, she said...' (Jane) 'l ask not for the good of others 'but for the tranquillity of the King, 'of the children we might have together 'and of the kingdom in general.' (David) 'But Jane was playing with fire. 'Henry was determined 'that Mary should surrender absolutely to his will.' Suddenly, Mary's friends were summoned before the council and interrogated about their activities on her behalf. If Mary did not surrender, it was now clear all of them perhaps even Jane herself, faced charges of treason on grounds of illegally tying to change the succession. Fortunately for Jane, Mary, confronted with this choice between the lives of her friends and her conscience, surrendered acknowledged that her mother's marriage had been illegal and that she was a bastard. Jane's first interrvention in politics had backfired horribly. She had hoped that Mary's rehabilitation would mark the beginning of a Catholic restoration. Instead Mary had acknowledged the basic Reformation principles. For the King's wife, as well as the King's daughter, absolute obedience, it seemed was the only safe strategy. 'Jane had lost the first battle to restore Mary 'and with her, the old religion. 'But she didn't give up. 'Whatever the risks she would try again'. 'It was the autumn of 1536. 'Jane had been Queen for almost six months 'but her Catholic followers were in despair. 'Her influence over Henry 'had not been as strong as Cromwell's. 'The dissolution of the monasteries had begun - 'churches were being r,educed to roofless ruins 'holy shrines and images were being smashed 'and the relics of saints burned.' Now only direct action could halt the attack on the Church. Catholic courtiers like Carew had too much at stake to dare to risk it but in the countyside, men were bolder. In the autumn of 1536 a great revolt known as the Pilgrimage of Grace broke out. It started in Lincolnshire and soon engulfed the whole north of England. Nobles and peasants joined together and found a charismatic leader in Robert Aske. "Restore the monasteries and burn the heretics!" they cried. 'It was the greatest crisis of Henry's reign. 'The rebel forces were very strong and even in the south, 'Henry couldn't trust the loyalty of his nobles. 'Jane faced a tremendous dilemma. 'Her sympathies were with the aims of the rebellion. 'Her duty was to her husband, 'the husband who, she believed was sinning against God. 'Finally, she dared to question directly 'the King's religious policies. 'She remarked that perhaps God permitted the rebellion 'because the King had ruined so many churches. 'Henry reminded her that the last queen had died 'in consequence of meddling too much in state affairs.' "Don't meddle with my affairs and remember Anne Boleyn." Henry's words were an awful warning which Jane, unlike Anne, had the good sense to accept. Neverrtheless, her real opinions were common knowledge, so much so that at the height of the revolt, open negotiations took place in the Queen's chamber to get a nunnery exempted from the dissolution. The incident was investigated and could have led to a charge of treason against Jane for supporting the rebels' demands. 'But the charges never came. 'Henry wasn't strong enough to defeat the rebels militarily, 'instead he had to negotiate. 'He told the rebel leaders that Jane would accompany him 'on a tour of reconciliation to the north. 'She would even be crowned at York Minster 'as the north's own Catholic Queen. 'The rebels were jubilant. 'Their faith in Queen Jane had been justified. 'That Christmas there was peace and joy. 'The rebel leaders were invited as guests to court. 'The King and Queen were blessed by the clergy. 'All the old Christmas traditions were kept. 'Jane was triumphant. 'She had helped to reconcile Henry with his subjects 'and then she gave him something that he wanted even more.' (Bells ringing) 'She was pregnant. 'Henry was transported with joy.' (Henry) 'Our dear and entirely beloved wife, the Queen 'now quick with child, 'for the which we give most humble thanks to Almighty God.' (David) 'But even as he celebrated, Henry betrayed Jane. 'He had never intended to give in to the rebels, 'he'd simply used their love of the Queen to help pacify them. 'Now he cancelled her tour of the north and her coronation. 'He ordered the arrest of the rebel leaders 'and as the Te Deum was sung in celebration of Jane's pregnancy, 'their heads were spiked on Tower Bridge.' On the 9th of October Jane's labour pains began. They continued for two agonising days. By the 11th, there were real fears for the life of both the Queen and her child and special prayers were offered up for their safety. Early the following morning, the efforts of the nurses and midwife were rewarded and at two a.m., it was all over. 'The baby was a boy, 'a healthy baby boy. 'For the first time 'in almost 30 years of marriage to three different wives 'Henry had an heir. 'Jane was now everything he could wish for.' There was an outpouring of national rejoicing. God had smiled on England. The baby was a new John the Baptist. God Himself was English. But most triumphant of all was Jane. She had given Henry his longed-for son and heir. Whatever she said or did now she was secure. Whatever she asked for Henry surely would grant. (Jane) 'Right trusty and well beloved we greet you well, 'by the inestimable goodness and grace of the Almighty 'are we delivered and brought in childbed of a prince, 'conceived in most lawful matrimony 'between my lord the King's majesty and us.' (Intoning in Latin) 'The christening was a sumptuous affair. 'The Seymours and their allies, 'their position immeasurably strengthened by the birth, 'took pride of place. 'That same day, Jane suddenly became ill. 'She entered into a protracted delirium. 'The King's ministers blamed her attendants 'for allowing her to catch cold and eat strange food. 'In reality it was puerperal fever. 'Her bruised and torn tissues had become infected. 'Soon septicaemia set in. 'The court prayed that she would be spared, 'processions were made in London... in vain. 'On the 24th of October, 1537 the Queen died.' Jane was the queen who satisfied Henry best. She gave him a son and she displayed a proper wifely submission. But behind the submission were serious convictions and a real courage, if one that sensibly knew its limitations. Yet Jane's story finally is one of promise unfulfilled. Eveybody had expected, and Jane herself had passionately hoped, that her marriage to Henry would've lead to the restoration of real Catholicism in England. It hadn't happened. Would things have been different if Jane had lived? I doubt it because Henry, it turned out, was even more wedded to his supremacy over the English Church than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, than he was to Jane, and not even for Jane, his true and best beloved wife and not even for Jane, his true and best beloved wife would he give it up. Jane had fought a battle for herself and English Catholicism and she'd lost. 'Henry was stricken with grief and withdrew from the court. 'Cromwell took affairs of state into his own hands. 'Now, perhaps, he could find Henry a wife, 'perhaps one more sympathetic to his own religious ambitions. 'Perhaps he would find her abroad? 'He wrote to the English ambassadors in France - 'the happy news of the new prince... 'the tragic news of the death of the Queen 'and the interesting news 'that the King was in need of a new wife. 'The kingdom had a new heir but no queen. 'For the first time, Henry was alone 'and he had no appetite for a new wife. 'But one son wasn't enough. 'Henry's own elder brother had died. 'The Tudor dynasty was not yet secure. 'Reluctantly, Henry accepted Cromwell's pressure 'to find yet another new wife - swiftly. 'The search for a new queen extended across Europe 'but Henry had disposed of three wives 'and at 46 he was no longer the attractive young man he'd been. 'Princess after princess turned him down. 'Christina of Milan is supposed to have said 'that if she had two heads she'd be delighted to marry him. 'Henry commented that he needed a big wife 'and Mary de Guise was put forward. 'She replied that she might be a big woman 'but she'd a very little neck.' Early in the proceedings, a young princess of the west German duchy of Cleve had been mentioned as a possible bride. She was a long shot but as the other more desirable candidates either made their excuses or got married, she became the frontrunner. Cromwell had his own motives diplomatic and religious, for pushing Henry towards a German bride. Henry was quite impressed by her family connections but he would commit himself only if he could be persuaded that he would find her physically attractive. 'The court painter, Hans Holbein, 'was sent to make a portrait of the new woman. 'Her name was Anne of Cleves and Henry's ambassadors raved 'about the beauty of her face and body. 'Cromwell worked hard on Henry to choose Anne. 'The Cleves marriage would protect England 'from the Catholic threat of Spain and France 'and enable Cromwell to attack his Catholic enemies at home. 'Anne was no Renaissance woman. 'She couldn't sing or dance or speak foreign languages. 'But she was good with needlework. 'Then the portrait arrived back in England. 'Holbein had concentrated on Anne's magnificent dress, 'leaving her face as a passive, almost dreamy, mask. 'Henry took Holbein's image as a blank canvas 'onto which he projected his fantasies of the ideal wife. 'Cromwell had won.' The problem was how to get Anne to England safely because there was a real risk that she might be captured by Henry's two enemies - France and the emperor Charles V. There were two possible routes - one by sea, the other by land. Henry sent out two experienced pilots to spy out the sea route and he was so excited by their reports that he had this special chart drawn up. Here is England with the cross of St George and a marvellous early view of London. And across here there is Anne embarking at the port of Cleves', crossing the Zuiderzee and out into the North Sea. And here she is in Henry's flagship, flying the Royal Standard and the pennants of St George. Unfortunately for Henry's schoolboy derring-do, the Cleves ambassadors objected that such a long sea voyage in the middle of winter might damage Anne's delicate complexion. In any case, the international situation calmed down so it was decided to bring Anne by land instead and a new chart was drawn up. 'Anne's entourage set off across Flanders towards Calais. 'Reports of the princess grew - 'she was tall, had excellent beauty and notable virtues. 'She crossed to Dover 'and, as she travelled through her strange new county, 'Anne endeavoured to learn about Henry. 'She asked to be taught card games that he liked 'and began to learn English etiquette. 'Her new companions found her most unusual. 'Her German clothes and manners 'were entirely different from those at court. 'After weeks of travelling and much delayed by bad weather, 'she arrived at Rochester.' It's New Year's Day and Anne is watching the ceremonial bullfight from the window of her chamber. The door opens... and some unknown English gentlemen appear. 'Anne has no idea who they are and nobody tells her. 'The unrecognised king presents her with a gift, 'which Anne accepts politely but without enthusiasm.' The gentlemen then leave and come back without their disguises. This time their leader is wearing the royal purple and everybody else bows to him deeply. 'It is Henry, come to see whether Anne is indeed 'as pretty as her picture, 'the picture with which he'd fallen so deeply in love.' (Henry) 'Alas, whom should man trust? 'l see no such thing in her as hath been showed me of her 'and am ashamed that men have so praised her as they have done. 'l like her not.' It was a comedy of errors which had got the relationship off to the worst possible start. 'He had been re-enacting a scene 'from one of the chivalric romances of his boyhood. 'In theory, the loved one, Anne, 'should have picked out her disguised lover, Henry, 'from amongst his companions 'and it would have been love at first sight.' Alas for theory. Anne hadn't even noticed him. As for Henry, the violence of his initial reactions took him and everybody eke by surprise. 'Henry was furious. 'He felt that he'd been lied to about her appearance 'and that Cromwell had tricked him into the match 'for political reasons. 'Cromwell replied they couldn't just return her to Germany. 'There seemed to be no way out. 'But while he raged at Cromwell in private, 'Henry continued to behave with impeccable politeness 'with Anne in public. 'She had no idea what he thought about her.' (Henry) 'l see nothing in this woman as men report of her 'and I marvel that wise men 'would make such report as they have done.' 'Anne's German dress had got things off to a bad start. 'It seemed heavy and lumpen. 'Still worse her complexion was dark, 'so unlike Jane's fashionable pallor 'and her full figure was very different 'from Anne Boleyn's pretty little breasts.' Cromwell was ordered to find Henry a way out of the trap. The first idea was to question whether Anne was free to marry. As a child she'd been contracted to the Duke of Lorraine - had the contract been formally broken? 'The startled Cleves ambassadors 'duly swore that Anne's childhood engagement to the Duke 'had indeed been broken, years ago. 'One means of escape was now cut off. 'Henry tried another. 'Would Anne herself swear that she was truly free to marry? ' She did swear. The trap snapped shut, there was no escape. Henry submitted with the worst possible grace. "l must needs against my will put my neck into the yoke." 'During all this, 'Anne was happily preparing for her wedding, 'quite unaware of the secret activity going on around her. 'She spoke only a few words of English 'and the formality of the court was so different 'from her provincial upbringing, 'so she had no way of telling that anything was wrong. 'For her, this marriage would be the climax of her life. 'She was marrying one of the great kings of Europe. 'And her husband-to-be 'was treating her with such kindness and generosity. 'The marriage finally took place three days late. 'As Henry walked into the ceremony he told Cromwell...' (Henry) 'My lord, if it were not to satisfy the world and my realm 'l would not do what I have to do this day 'for none earthly thing! ' 'But the wedding ceremony was only the first hurdle. 'Now they had to go to bed together. 'The King and the Queen were taken to the bedchamber 'by their attendants and undressed. 'The bed was blessed and then the couple were left alone. 'But never had the two been so far apart. 'Anne was completely unaware of her new husband's thoughts. 'Henry was miserable 'but resolved to do his duty.' The bedding of the couple traditionally provided an excuse for stag night-style ribaldry but the older Henry had become protective of both his dignity and his privacy and I doubt if anything of the sort happened in 1540. Neverrtheless, there was an echo of the earlier, earthier tradition for carved on the bedhead that was almost certainly used were two obscene images. On one side there was a boy sporting an enormous erection and on the other a heavily pregnant girl. And whether Henry indeed performed and Anne became pregnant was on everybody's mind that night and most heavily on Henry's. The morning after, Cromwell asked Henry how he'd liked the Queen. "Even worse," came the grim reply, "Even worse," came the grim reply, because it had all been a disastrous failure. Henry liked his women slim and virginal so Anne's big breasts and full belly had turned him off. That night, on the advice of his doctors he didn't sleep with the Queen. Then he tried again and again and always with the same result. But of course the blame was thrown on Anne, not Henry. The King told his doctors he had had two wet dreams he was capable of sex with any other woman, it was only Anne's loathsome body that had rendered him impotent. 'But Henry told Anne nothing of his feelings. 'Moreover, their public life continued as normal. 'Anne was welcomed to London with a water pageant. 'They celebrated Easter together at Hampton Court. 'But it was all a pretence. 'After two months of failure 'Henry unburdened himself to his principal gentleman-in-waiting.' 'Henry unburdened himself to his principal gentleman-in-waiting.' 'Henry unburdened himself to his principal gentleman-in-waiting.' 'Henry unburdened himself to his principal gentleman-in-waiting.' 'Henry unburdened himself to his principal gentleman-in-waiting.' 'Henry unburdened himself to his principal gentleman-in-waiting.' 'Henry unburdened himself to his principal gentleman-in-waiting.' (Henry) 'She hath her breasts so slack (Henry) 'She hath her breasts so slack 'and other parts in such sort 'that I could never be provoked to know her carnally.' (David) 'Cromwell, the architect of the Cleves marriage, 'now feared that his triumph would turn against him. 'As far as Anne was concerned 'everything in the garden was still lovely.' She presided over the May Day festivities with their celebration of springtime and young love. She even talked eagerly about her forthcoming coronation. Unfortunately, she couldn't see what was happening under her nose. Londoners were sharper eyed and quickly realised the truth. They'd seen the King's boat crossing the Thames at night, some even knew that the object of the King's visits was Catherine Howard one of Anne's own ladies-in-'waiting. 'Then suddenly, Henry made his aims all too clear. 'On the 10th of June, Cromwell was arrested and taken to the Tower 'Henry's revenge for his part in forcing him to marry Anne. 'A few days later, Harst, the Cleves ambassador 'was summoned urgently to Anne. 'She wept, telling him that she'd been ordered to leave the palace.' Unknown to Anne events were now moving quickly. Henry had indeed decided to get rid of her and to marry the enchanting Catherine Howard instead. On June 29th, preparations for the trial of her marriage began. There were two grounds on which it could be declared invalid. The first was the pre-contract between Anne and the Duke of Lorraine. The second was non-consummation. But non-consummation was difficult to prove. Would the sordid details about Anne's body, at present known only to a handful of Henry's intimates, have to become public knowledge? 'The task of gathering the evidence now began. 'Anne's ladies-in-waiting, 'probably acting under orders, questioned her. 'They reported the Queen did not believe herself to be pregnant 'and suggested that the marriage hadn't even been consummated. 'The Queen is said to have replied...' (Anne) 'When the King comes to bed, 'he kisses me and taketh me by the hand 'and biddeth me "Goodnight, sweetheart." 'In the morning he kisses me and bids me, "Farewell, darling."' ls that not enough? According to the report of Anne's ladies she did think that being kissed by a man could get you pregnant. ls it really conceivable that a 25-year-old married woman could be so innocent? Nowadays the idea would be absurd but even then, Anne's English ladies found it pretty rum. But Anne had been brought up differently, in Germany, in a puritanical, provincial court where her mother had taught her nothing. Henry had done nothing to enlighten her, either, which is why it is conceivable that she was so naive as to think Henry's goodnight kisses were enough for her - but still more naively, for him. 'On the morning of the 6th of July, 'the King's men were sent to Anne to get her formal consent 'for a trial of the validity of her marriage. 'Anne broke down at the news. 'It was the first that she had heard of a divorce. 'But through her tears, her resolution strengthened. 'The daughter of Cleves would not give way meekly 'to Henry's pressure. 'The ambassador Harst comforted her. 'What Henry proposed was an outrage. 'Anne now showed a sharp legal brain 'that might enable her to escape. 'She asked to see the documents about the Lorraine marriage. 'And then when her requests were ignored, 'she sent urgently to Henry again for the evidence. 'Henry replied that she should cease sending messages to him. 'Without the evidence and with no legal representation, 'Anne was helpless. 'On the 7th, the formal trial of the marriage began. 'It moved extraordinarily quickly. 'At midnight on the 8th, 'she summoned her only true friend in England - 'the ambassador, Harst.' He finds Anne sobbing so violently that it almost breaks his heart. Earlier she had been told that the court was minded to find her marriage invalid. "Reject the verdict," Harst advises. Anne sends a messenger to Henry to say she still regards,herself as his true wife that he is her lord and husband and only God can part them. 'Harst told her she had nothing to fear from Henry. 'She was a foreign princess 'and Henry would do nothing against her. 'Perhaps, but both Harst and Anne were taking a gamble. 'The very next day, on the 9th of July, the court decreed 'that since the marriage had never been consummated 'it had never existed. 'Anne was not Queen. 'And along with the news of the divorce 'Anne was told that from now on 'she would be known not as the wife 'but as the Sister of the King.' The King's Sister. The extraordinary idea of making Anne the King's Sister had first been floated as a bait to get her written agreement to the divorce. Now it remained to work out the detail. On the 14th, Henry offered terms. Anne would be formally entitled the King's Sister, she would be given precedence above everybody apart from the Queen and the King's children. She would be given palaces at Richmond and Bletchingley, an income of 2,600 a year and a great household. Anne came back with a series of queries. Where was Bletchingley? How many male servants? How many female? The questions were eminently sane and sensible. Anne's moment of hysteria and shame, if that's what it was had been brief. Now she showed a level-headed determination to make the best of a bad job. 'Anne could now see herself 'in line with Henry's previous wives. 'Catherine had resisted his will and been discarded. 'Anne Boleyn had been beheaded. 'Only Jane's wise obedience had been rewarded. 'Anne realised she could do no more to fight Henry's will. 'She too chose obedience at least in public.' (Anne) 'It may please Your Majesty to know 'that though this case must needs be most sorrowful unto me 'yet I accept Your Highness' goodness and pleasure, 'the matrimony between us is void and of none effect.' (David) 'She signed herself...' (Anne) 'Your Majesty's most humble Sister and servant.' 'Henry, for the moment, was reassured.' But would Anne keep her side of the bargain or would she, as Henry feared, avail herself of a woman's privilege, change her mind and make trouble for Henry abroad by complaining of her treatment to her brother the Duke of Cleves? Actually, Anne was far too realistic to think that her brother could be of much help to her in England. But Henry could take no risks. Anne had to write to her brother in English and in German, endorsing the official,version of her divorce and she was told that all future communications with her family had to pass through Henry's hands. Anne tried to evade the restrictions but in vain. She had become Henry's sister with the palaces, the possessions and the status. But the price was the loss of her own family. 'Anne was now entirely alone. 'She was exiled from the court she'd once ruled 'and self-exiled from her own county 'because she would not suffer the shame of a discarded wife. 'Her public face was, as ever, calmly accepting 'but her private feelings, according to Harst's letters, 'were more complex. 'She wrote to Henry, 'returning her wedding ring and asking him to crush it 'because, she said, she knew it to be "a thing of no value". 'Henry made no reply. 'A month later there was a new queen.' It was New Year, 1541. Exactly a year ago, Henry had seen Anne for the first time at the ill-fated meeting at Rochester. Now Anne herself for the first time too was coming to court as the King's Sister, not as his wife. Henry's new Queen, Catherine Howard, Anne's former lady-in-waiting, had to be instructed on how to behave to her old mistress. But Anne knew exactly what to do. She made a deep curtsy and insisted on addressing the Queen kneeling. Catherine was embarrassed so too was Henry, who greeted Anne warmly and invited her to supper. And so the three of them - the King, the Queen and the ex-Queen all ate together as one happy, if extraordinary, family. 'The marriage of Anne of Cleves to Henry VIII 'had lasted less than six months. 'Not only had she survived but, by her admirable good sense, 'she'd got a good deal from her ex-husband 'and lived well for the seven years until Henry's death. 'But afterrwards her life became harder. 'One of the few letters remaining from Anne 'in this period of her life 'is to her brother, asking for money, 'because she could no longer afford to keep 'so many household servants. 'She ends it as her story began - '"England is England and we are strangers." Everyone, good morning The curlew sangto start our day Everyone, good morning The curlew sangto start our day Andthe sun isrising The birds are flying away Go with them Go with them Everybody, good morning Lucky he whorises from his sleep and prays to God.. Studio Misr presents Um Kulthoum in FATMA Story by: Mustafa Amin Bey Also featuring: Anwar Wagdy, Suleiman Naguib Bey Ajoy he'll neverforget norwill it slip his mind Andthe sun isrising The birds are flying away Go with them Go with them Everybody, good morning Dialogue: Badie Khairy The morning is shining and smiling The world awakes for its life The flowers' odor is fresh for all living creatures Early.. is an hour lovely Early.. is an hour lovely Early, is an hour lovely its beauty is gladdening How lovely How lovely Andthe sun isrising The birds are flying away Go with them Photography: Abdel Halim Nasr Directed by: Ahmed Badrakhan Hello.. this is El-Omara Bakery I'm the Moallem Miss Fatma, the nurse? You mean Fatma the physician? I'll call herright away - Um Ali - Yes, Hajj There's a phone call for the physician. Fetch her Right away - Um Abdo - Yes, Um Ali Tell the physician to come answerthe phone -Alright -Thanks a lot - Hosna, hey girl - Yes, mum Knock on the physician's door She's got a phone call Yes, mother Miss Fatma Miss Fatma - Yes, Hosna? - You have a phone call I'm on my way, sweetie You're an angel, Fatma I was just comingto give you the pound you lent me - Why therush? Keep it - God sent me money May you neverface hardship Thanks, Adila - Miss Fatma - Good morning Good morning, dear.. sorry to bother you The kids troubled me. Can you put eyewash in their eyes? As soon as I take this call Thanks ever so, for your kindness Lovely morning - May your morning be blissful - Good morning - Hello.. - lt's doctor Nagi Yes, it's Fatma, doctor Fath El-Bab Pasha is ill andwants you before noon Alright El-Kamel Mohamed street number 49, Zamalek I'll be there at ten Well, dear? All's well.. it's Dr. Nagi He wants me to visit a sick Pasha Sick! I bet he'll be fit as a horse next week You're a cure for all, Fatma The wife had a terrible stomach cramp.. I kept placing hot loaves on her stomach to no avail She got me a little bottle I rubbed it on andthe stomach cramp vanished What should I wish for you? God grant you a decent fellow andwe'll cater yourwedding And cook for you I'd neverforget yourfavors, when I was feverish, smelt like garlic You've made me hungry, Rezq Nice joke Tell me, Hajj Mustafa, is today the first of Ramadan? - Ramadan? ! -Are you making us fast? - Where's our bread? - Oops! Right away - See you - Bye Goodbye. Ismail, fetch Fatma's bread - Have a lovely morning, beauty - How nice! Morningto you too Don't be so bold.. she's our favorite person in the alley Don't turn her away. Here's a penny for her and one for him - Peace be with you -Andwith you Get on your horse.. come on Hurry up, Hamada, or you'll be late for school I'm on my way Here, dear. I want you to do well in school this year - lf l'm top, what'll you get me? - What do you want? Top students mustn't go on foot Will you walk on your hands? - No, ride a bike - l'll get you a bike, dear - lf l come second? - l'll get you an ink pen -And if I come third? - l'll slap you like this God bless you, auntie You'll spoil him rotten with yourtenderness, Fatma We have no otherreminder of my late brother He's no mum or dad His motherwouldn't have treated him like that were she alive - Godrest her soul - Bless your heart What was that phone call about? They want me at a sick Pasha's home God give you strength, child Fatma, I pity you so for the hardwork you do Life isn't a freeride, mum Everyone works hard Wise girl Who knows? Maybe this Pasha will pay me a handsome sum to repay therepairs on our home Contractor Moallem Ismail hinted a few times I'm so embarrassed May God give you more and more But if you're staying over, call at the bakery to let me know andreassure me Yes, mum - See you - Bye, dear.. - Listen.. - Fatma Miss Fatma, - our Pasha's of a different breed - How come? When he gets mad, there's no calming him.. Good God ! Yes, andwhen he's angry he's like a volcano Good grief ! is that hisroom? No, it's his middle brother's, Fatuh Bey This way.. beware of upsetting the Pasha. Humor him I'll do my best.. so help me God Don't expect Godto change him at this age.. this way What a dilemma.. is that his room? No, it's Fathy Bey's, his younger brother This must be hisroom Right.. how did you know? Go in - Mustn't you ask permission? - Permission No one who enters to the Pasha with me needs permission True, the Pasha is hot-tempered and stubborn to all But herespects no one except Amber Amber, jerk, Amber, jinx, Amber, you fool ! Hisrespect for you shows - He's joking - Joking? What would he say if he were angry? The water-bottle leaked on my feet and you're not even here I wasreceivingthe nurse the doctor sent, Pasha Where is she? She'll rid me of yourtroublesome presence I'll summon her instantly Come in -After you, sir - No way - How come? - Don't be fussy - Where's the nurse? - Here she is Good day, Pasha No greetings necessary Did you nurse anyone before? Of course, Pasha, or I wouldn't.. -To the point, yes or no? - Yes, Pasha - lt doesn't show - How come, Pasha? Where is your uniform? The white coat and scarf? - Where's the box of injections? - l have them - Where? - ln the bag - Where's the bag? - Here it is, Pasha What are you waitingfor? I just arrived When will you start? Tomorrow? Next week? Next year? When I'm consumed.. dead.. perished? Godforbid, Pasha.. long may you live Stop chattering.. go dress and take over your post instantly Do you know what yourwork is? - Me.. take me over - Yes, Pasha.. right away What are you doing? Are you mad? Don't worry, I won't jump out the balcony, just airingtheroom You mean airing my blood.. the cold airwill kill me On the contrary.. if you're well-covered the airwill refresh you and the light will kill germs - You want me dead ! Shut it now -Alright Not the light.. the window, woman The window, no No ! Great, she says no Are you disobeying my orders? No way.. I'm carrying out the doctor's I pay you, not the doctor And you pay the doctor.. I know But why? It's so I can obey his orders I'm not usedto being ordered or overruled I am the only one to give orders around here Watch whom you're talkingto! I'm talkingto an ill man. Pasha or no, you mustn't anger ortalk a lot My brother isright Why are you upset? We can't do without you Why are you yelling, Pasha? - l want no nurse - Nurse? - Get her out of here - Out The doctor brought me here, he alone can kick me out - Hearthe insolence? - Yes we do - See the impudence? - Yes we do An intruder like her, forces herway into myroom and opens the windows, while I'm this sick Good gracious! Were you told to deprive us of our beloved? Do you want the cold gushing air to blow out our candle? Fathy! Take her away But, Pasha, you're so wrong I disagree The nurse isright.. she must remain Until your health improves What? Are you conspiring against me? Are you anxious to inherit after my death? Pasha, I know you hate to be contradicted even if it's for your own good But don't forget you're now like a witheredflower - You need sun - Right -And air - Exactly I won't stay in this home l'll go to the hospital and berid of you Time for your medicine, Pasha I'll take nothingfrom you, not even the elixir of life You'll drink it - By force? - Yes, because it's goodfor you What impudent insolence! - lt's not medicine.. it's poison - Get well soon Flowers are lovely, so lovely Flowers are lovely with petals which have evidence of pining If one lover gives them to another it means they're soon to get together See flowers and learn how to speak amid lovers Narcissus sways left andright on its branches soft and cuddly its eyes say we're amongst those who harbor envy Let's steer clear of them Gardenia, beloved of them all Whoever smells you neverforgets To each beauty it says in its tongue A lover awaits you who longs See how sleepy jasmine is lt likes to sleep on the branches In all tenderness the hand embraces it lt adorns pretty girls' bosoms Very much better -Though I.. - Yes, though you.. - l can't say I'm truly well - Right, truly well That's what I wantedto say Thank Godthat in such a short span of time.. Exactly, in such a short space of time I think I should go spend a few months in Europe torecuperate Wow! That's the only country I was goingto suggest Then again, why waste the money on foreign summer sites? Yes, foreign.. - l have lovely choices in Egypt -True, lovely - Ras El-Bar, say - Exactly so -That's the exact place I was.. - Goingto suggest? ! Precisely -A lovely morningwith flowers - Good morning Pasha, I'm glad God healed you - and I must leave - No way.. never The doctor said my mission is over andwants me at the hospital But you've become like family andwe'll miss you I hope you're not still upset at me Me, Pasha? ! What for? Because of the curtains, the sun and air incident Oh, Pasha! You still remember that? If I said something awful, forgive me I was angry.. I consider you like my daughter - Yes, consider him your daughter - What? - He considers you a daughter - l hardly measure up Never stop visiting us or I'll be offended I can't upset you I'll come if you fall ill - Very droll - Yes, droll very Now, please accept this small sum I want only your approval lt's nothing much, comparedto your sleepless nights and care I did only my duty.. God bless you and I'll see you well Bye-bye Yes, bye Fatuh, where to? -The Pasha's prescription -To the chemist? Right, the chemist.. go sit with your brothertill I return Why? Fatma is with him - Fatma who? -The nurse She's left Left? How come? - Your brother's better, thank God - Good grief ! Good grief ! But your brother's better God How come good grief? ! I didn't mean that brother - l meant my other brother - Other brother? You have only two brothers inside is the first Outside the second Godforbid ! Get well soon Get well.. who are you talkingto? - You - Me? Why are you so pale? Goodness me! - Pale? How so? - You're yellow - Yellow? ! - Come look in the mirror - What terrible news! - Don't look in the mirror Tell me what you ate and drank What was your breakfast? Tell me so I can help you I had a mayonnaise sandwich Mayonnaise? ! That must be it Why didn't you say so? - You have poisoning - Poisoning? At a critical stage Come here, you poorthing Help, someone! Amber Brother - Get well soon, sir - Your sir is dying, Amber Godforbid ! - Wait - What? I want to see my brother before I die Brother indeed ! This is hardly the time - Get me a doctor -A doctorwon't do Get me a group of specialists That won't do, either Call an ambulance Only one thingwill work Fatma, the nurse. Who could help us find her? I can.. she gave me her address - Why wait? Go fetch her - Right away What does this Pasha do for a living? He needs no job.. he's terribly rich He has a palace and land May you be like him ln your lifetime. I say, his wife must be a beauty He's not married, mum, nor are his two brothers imagine that huge palace is uninhabited by a single lady What mad urge causedthem toremain single? The Pasha didtheright thing He's not-tempered and can't stand a thing lf he'd married, she'd have run away the first day lt's that bad? The second one should've married Fatuh Bey also made theright choice lf he'd married, he'd have been a toy in his wife's hand Why, child? He has no voice of his own He goes alongwith anything All he says is "Right, exactly" and "Exactlyright" The one whoreally should have married is Fathy Bey the youngest A nice young man, veryrational Lucky is she whom he weds They must be frugal orthey wouldn't avoid marriage! Frugal? ! They're very generous A pound is like a plaster So they gave you heaps? Thank God, they gave me twenty pounds in seven days Great They're all forthe contractor I dropped by and gave him the whole sum. Here's thereceipt Well done.. it's a heavy load off Poverty without debt is true wealth - Welcome home, auntie - Hello, Hamada I was gladto hearfrom Hajj Mustafa that you returned - What lovely news! -Thank you, Hamada How's your school work? Great.. I came first - Bravo - ln Physical Education What about your studies? Seventh repeat You mean eighth? I don't like that at all We had a deal You'll get the bike only if you're first OK, but today, auntie.. the headmastertook me andthose who didn't pay fees out of line He said if we don't pay 5 pounds by Saturday we won't get in Five pounds? Godwill send it Hajj Mustafa gave me this note for you - Where to? - Lady Samira wants me You should have lunch first When I get back - Get well soon -Thanks, Fatma I didn't feel the shot.. your hands are nimble Only in shots Come in Mervat. Shame on you, cheat Forthree months not a word? You never dropped by nor even called I'm a little sick I take shots, as you see -Are you a nurse? - Yes, ma'am She's amazing, Mervat.. her hands are very light I've known herfor 5 years; she's clever and honest Honesty is the best policy! I've always been lookingfor a nurse I'm at your service - What ails you, Godforbid? - Nothing much - Can you drop by at four? - Yes, ma'am Shagaret El-Dor street, villa 1 12 Got it? I know it.. I usedto give shots to Lady Raifa in a block near you Raifa, damn her! - She left with a grand scandal - Excuse me Bye then.. don't forget our appointment Don't be late, as I have a cocktail party at 5 sharp Tell me, how's everything with Fathy? Ourwedding's been delayed. His older brother's ill, damn him! Fathy would have inherited and we'd be honeymooning in Europe You must love Fathy a lot He's my fiancé, but I met someone at a party in Zeinat's place Munir, he's a gentleman.. very cute You're playing a dangerous game, Fifi.. Careful By beingfickle, you'll lose Fathy I don't care for Fathy Open up your mouth and show me Why are you clasping yourteeth thus? I can hardly feel my mouth or my head or any of me I'm not in a bed, but in the Kasr El-Eini morgue What is it? 38? - Good God ! - 39? I wish it were 40.. look - 41 ! - Point five So I'm not in the world I'm dying? ! You'rereally dead The only way is for Fatma to find a way to heal you Heal me? The dying can't be healed Farewell, Fathy Farewell, Egypt.. farewell, world Mum, wait.. I'm coming - Who's on the phone? - Miss Mervat How come you're here alone? I didn't find Fatma at home.. I left wordto send her here - Get to work -Alright Hello. I miss you so, Mervat I miss you, Tutu. I dreamt of you last night - What happened? - You and I.. how embarrassing You and I were getting married and dancers surrounded us You removedthe veil gently and kissed me wonderfully Alright. I'm coming I'll make that lovely dream come true No, I mean the kiss There's a nurse in the lounge who says she has an appointment Alright, I'm coming - Good day, madam - Bravo.. you're on time Come sit by me. Have a drink I don't drink, madam lt's very light.. sherry brandy Even kids drink it Then I've outgrown it - So sweet. Have a chestnut candy -Thanks What I need is very simple Well? I want you to give me this injection I chose you when Samira told me you were clever and honest But why take this injection? My current situation won't allow that I bear children Sorry, I can't perform a crime I know how grave this task is I'll give you 50 pounds 50 pounds? ! I am in dire need of just five pounds But my conscience won't permit l had hoped you'd cover up my shame I'm sorry for your plight, but I can't help it. God bless -Taxi, ma'am - Fathy Bey, why are you here? - For you - Me? - Yes, you askedfor a cab - Pardon me What pardon? Treat me like a taxi-cab But in a cab, peopleride behind Sadly, I have only one place by my side.. get in - lt's a one-of-a-kind cab - Really? is there usually only one seat in a cab? This cab's like my heart lt has one seat andwaits for its first customer at the depot But a taxi rarely has only one customer.. they come and go My heart awaits only one customer to get in permanently So it's a private car Frankly, it usedto be a cab before I knew you lt wentround andround, picking up and dropping off customers Only now it's become a private carwith one customer, one owner, and onerider Changing customers spoils the car Just like a heart isruined by various tenants A private car survives ten years But a cab hardly lives out a year before it stops short What fare isrecorded? My love for you isrecorded You know, I now believe in chance Before I met you, I went out depressed and sad - Like one who's funeral is near - Godforbid Now He has forbidden.. after I met you I was goingto a girl they wish to force me to marry imagine, today is Friday and has a jinxed hour But after I met you my jinx has become good luck Funeral is now wedding and the taxi a private car You're exaggerating.. or perhaps makingfun of me Fatma, believe me.. my heart speaks to you not my tongue - Excuse me, I'm late - lt's early yet -That's enough - Why not drive you home? No, that's enough -Tell me, are you free tomorrow? - Yes -Aftertomorrow? - Yes -The day afterthat? - Yes I want to meet you tomorrow, the next day andthe next. Well? - Okay.. bye - Bye I'll meet him tomorrow.. andthe day after andthe day after, and tell him tomorrow My eye, be cured, I found my love My destiny is to meet him tomorrow I'll say hi, he'll say hello Our day goes by without ourfeeling it When I leave him, I'll say tomorrow Heart, you've got your heart's desire What befell you never happens Keep his date, be his soul mate Have joy with him once in a lifetime Since you'll see him tomorrow, heart and meet him tomorrow I sat alone awaitingtomorrow Thoughts wandered in my mind to andfro When he said I'll always remain if my day goes by I'll see him tomorrow I wish all the time, heart all lovers meet tomorrow Oh, singing bird O dewy night Tell my beloved I'll meet him tomorrow All my life waits fortomorrow I'll meet him tomorrow Shame, Fatma, you scared me and made merush up to theroof - Why, mum? - l heardthe stomping andthought there was a thief I come up to find you, the wise one, - singing in the cold ! - l'm very happy The lady you visited must have paid you a lot She's miserable and God said we should keep a secret Hide it from your mum? She's in trouble andwanted me to.. Damn her! Couldn't she find someone else? She wants to cause us strife But why wouldthat make you happy? - Gladto have met Fathy Bey - Who's he? -The Pasha's brother I spoke of - Mr "Right exactly" ? No, his younger brother.. he loves me, mum Loves you? Damn the guy! We're not like that, Fatma Mum, he wants to marry me That's better Dear Lord make him her destiny I prayedfor you, Fatma and it seems I've been heeded - Goingto the hospital? - Sure Why are you dressed up? - Fathy will pick me up there - What for? He said he'll surprise me He must be planning a wedding date - Pray for me, mum - May God bring you together Come in - Where? - lt's my home You have a home otherthan in Zamalek? That's the family home But this is our home.. yours and mine - What's all this? - Yourtrousseau, dear Strange! How can you choose without me? I know yourtaste.. it's as bad as mine Then I must have great taste -Thanks -Andwhat's that? - lt's a bar - My God ! A bar? ! Why were you startled? All modern homes must have bars - What a scandal - Don't be square I'll always be square - Come in.. this is myroom - lt's quaint Come and see in here.. This is yourroom Come and see these things How do you like these dresses? - See this coat? - Whose are these? I bought them for you - For me? - Yes of course See this beautiful robe? I'd love to see you in it Fatma! Are you shy of me, dear? - You're my wife - Not yet No, you are my wife Do married couples love each other as we do? What is marriage but a contract? Mere ink Our marriage is far superior Our marriage is a link between two hearts and souls I believe that. But it must be registered by a birth certificate I'm with you.. a birth certificate What's to stop one from existing without a birth certificate? What old-fashionedthoughts? These are old and new thoughts Timeless thoughts imagine your position with no paper between your parents? That paper gave you name and position.. your passport to life Without it you're like a stranger travelingwithout a passport He lives in danger andfear of being caught without id or passport But our marriage is one of hearts, far more powerful than paper Be seated.. I got you a gift A pearl choker.. wow, it's lovely! That's too much.. the earring, watch and bracelet are enough I'm willingto give you my whole life I just want yourtrust Now, put on therobe.. come on! You're my wife You know how I love you, Fathy, but.. But what? It must be you don't love me as much as I love you You don't trust me You must know that love is blind lf it sees, it's not love Fatma, please weartherobe Come here You must know love is an agreement between two people - l didn't know this was so - l'm sure you'll understand me - Get dressed - l'll dress alone Are you ashamed of me? You'll get usedto me later I'm ashamed of myself I'll meet him tomorrow, the next day andthe next Tomorrow? Right now! Cheers Be proud of yourself, beauty You're arose in a garden Come sit by me All dressed in rosy My voice is awful.. right? Fatma, why doesn't the bride answer? Fatma ! You listen to me I'll count to three.. if you don't come out, I'll come in 1 , 2, 2.5, 3 Fatma, Fatma I preserve my pride before my love Myself to me is above my heart I accepted humiliation and suffered Humiliation is not my desire It was neverforgone for another in love now did I like another in youth I wanted a pure love And joy with you in my presence You love me according to my loyalty I give you approval from the cup of love When aware.. was my soul of evil andtreachery in your eyes I saw I abandoned you with sorrow tearing at my heart and preserved my honor before my love - ls Fatma here? - Who shall I say? - Me - Come in Yes You forgot these jewels of yours I didn't. They're not mine, but yours Fatma, you misunderstood me, love I understood you justright - Why are you yelling? - Because I have feelings Yes, but I'm in your home and you must behave politely I'm polite at home and elsewhere - Can't we talk quietly? -Alright.. be seated Thanks What? - Do you believe I love you? - You love yourself Whoever loves himself can't love another Fatma, we're disagreeing over a trivial thing You think it trivial, but I think it most important You think you can buy me with gifts and jewels I think you can buy me with a piece of paper To you the paper is too dear, to me the jewels too cheap You would protect your name at the expense of mine I may be poorwhile you'rerich but to me my name is as valuable as yours to you Fatma, lower your voice. Shame! Shame? ! Comingfrom a person who acts shamefully, yet fears shame Please appreciate my position I swear I'm willingto marry you, but my brother You livedwith us and know how tyrannic he is He'd never condone it I won't accept a marriage your brother can't condone I'drather marry a simple laborer than befriend arich man I agree, but have patience Let me speak and defend myself - Why are you yelling? - Because I have feelings - Can't we talk quietly? - We can.. be seated -Thanks - You're welcome I know what you mean.. you want to be secure about yourfuture I'd give up my life for my love, as it's mine But I can't forgo my honor lt belongs to my family My parents whoraised me Those who trust and love me Fatma, you know I love you To prove I love you I'll write and sign a common law marriage contract I'll admit you're my wife before God, law and people Your children are mine, to inherit me legally. Well? - l have one condition - What's that? You must live with us in the alley till yourfamily approves I agree - On one condition - What? We go spendthe honeymoon in Alexandria startingtomorrow I agree - Have a bite to eat, Mr. Fasih - l've already had supper Have a snack I'm actually full but it's not polite to turn you down at least to show I care for the bread, salt and eggplants Tell me.. is there such a thing as common law marriage? There's never better Strange! How so? -The seasoning makes it tasty - What are you talking about? The eggplants - l asked of common law marriage - ls someone getting married? - Yes - Here? No, a colleague of Fatma's at the hospital She's goingto marry arich man of a family His family disapproves and the girl's mother is concerned What do you think? Common law marriage is civil marriage, the modern marriage - Modern or antique.. is it legal? - lt's certainly legal ls it wrong orright? For sure it'sright, decent lady ls that so? Then take this The bride's family are close We love them - l recognize him. Fathy Bey? -That'sright - Who's the lady? - His wife They seem to be on their honeymoon - Really? Get me long distance -Alright - Get me this number in Cairo - Yes, ma'am I've often visited Alexandria, but I feel this is my first time Why? Has the beach changed? It may be the same beach, but it never laughed so The sky is the same, but it wasn't so clear -There must be something new - Of course, us Our love made the world seem lovelier I want to travel the worldwith you, to see beauty I've never seen Great! So I'm your glasses? Sunglasses that don't block out my sun Eyeglasses toread ourfuture with Magnifying glasses to see our love as the greatest Wow! Come to me, my love, my darling The world's beauty increases when we are together Andthe moment of meeting is blissful as long as I'm with you How nice it is to travel on the port with waves all around us They sway with us on the water and singto me with you I've always loved beauty its shadow has been with me I wish I'd seen early this beauty with you by me I saw the world alone and loved it on my own But now it's more precious I like it now I'm with you I wish all that pleased me in the world and appeased me comes before my eyes again with you and I together Bliss in your proximity charmed my mind lt made the sea smile at me and birds call me and singto me when I'm with you Believe me, Pasha, it's just like I told you Whatrubbish? Fathy got married? No way I saw them myself in the hotel guestbook: "Mr. and Mrs. Fathy" If I were healthy I'd come in person But I'll send Fatuh on the first train. No, in the car No, by plane - You're here? ! - Fatuh Bey, how are you? How are you? Did you hear the terrible news? - ls the Pasha..? - lt's not the Pasha The madman Fathy got married I wish I knew the damned girl he married - Hi, welcome - No welcome! Did you marry? Yes, this is my wife Really? Nice to meet you. You? ! Listen, can we talk in private? Go upstairs andrest.. I'll beright there, dear Do you know how mad your brother is? - Why? - For marrying behind his back Am I underage? Marriage is no crime lt is when you leave a fiancée of good descent and marry a nobody - Fatuh, be seated -Alright Tell me why a person marries One marries to have children Not just to have children But to settle down and be comfortable I assure you I'm comfortable Would you hate that for me? If you're comfortable then so am I You can't imagine how sweet and lovely Fatma is nor how loyal. Shereally loves me Then I love you both So can you convince my brother that our marriage is no crime? I can andwill.. I'll take over his mind Never you mind I'll tell him you're comfortable andthat no one marries to have kids but to be comfortable Thanks, you're areal brother Thanks.. Congratulations. Now give us a kiss here and here Wow ! My dear brother - Why aren't you eating? - l can't.. I've no appetite Right, your appetite is good - What? - l mean you've no appetite Fathy's marriage is making me angry, gettingto my nerves No one marries to be comfortable Everyone marries to have children This shames the family name imagine when they have kids Her son can very impudently say Grandpa's Khosrof Pasha - Great grandpa's Shawkat Pasha - His grandpa's Shubukri Pasha His great great grandpa's Koniali Pasha - What shame ! - Right, shame of all shames ! But that will never happen in my lifetime.. I must humiliate him You must him humiliate - Declare him legally incompetent - l was goingto say that But he's my younger brother Blood can't be turnedto water We must advise and guide him I wantedto say that.. wow ! I wish you were with me when I cursed him in the hotel He was so embarrassed and held his head low.. tears streaming ln my anger I gave him a kiss.. - Kiss? - Slapped him on both cheeks and came back right away Bravo.. that's why I sent you Moallem, Lady Fatma and her husband arrived Play music, Tambashawi Hello to our son-in-law who brings us pride Thanks a lot Give me your cheek.. I vowed two kisses, one on each cheek - OK - Really? What? You got married in Alexandria and upset our ma'zoun Sheik Abdel Salam Sorry, just let me go upstairs - Go up indeed - What then? You can't walk up, we have no lift, but plenty of men I see.. wait, you guys ! May you be next We'll do our part -Abdel Aalim - Yes, sir The wedding is underway, while I wait here.. my jacket please l'm finishing it now.. pardon me, but it was all stains - Stains or no stains, I want it - Right away Lucky you, bride On this blessed night lf we could afford it we'd have slaughtered a buffalo instead of a sheep But a beloved's gift is great Plain bread is like cake Qamar El-Zaman, you were born in our sun Fatma, our only one Accept the greetings of a loyal genius On behalf of our alley I give you a.. kiss - Here -The jacket, sir - Dress me - Here goes - Why are you waiting? -The fee, sir Tell your boss I've no change Your light, lady, illumines our neighborhood Your happy occasion honored us Your light, lady My heart was always with him when he stayed away I askedfor him with every new daybreak You are all friends andfamily andthe one whose lot is parting is me You were the source of my victory Today and every day you are my joy I won't forget all my life my cradle Honor and glory all stem from here My lot from loved ones is their kindness I beartheirfavors with gratefulness Please, Lord, give them all they wish for To me joy is when we all rejoice My dear bride.. my dear bridegroom Every occasion has its saying And a lovely poem for each wedding I onlyrushed here now to say.. only to say... Come along. Dinner is served How wonderful, Rezq - Enjoy your meal.. - You must try this piece - Yes, but.. - But what? Don't turn me down How can you upset Hajj Mustafa? He's like our dad.. I swear I said no swearing on a happy night like this I don't like the way you ate At your age I ate it whole Sorry, guys.. it seems Alexandrian air affected me I'm a bit tired.. excuse me andthank you all - Get well soon, camel - Godforbid, lion - What's wrong? - What do you mean? It seemed you were upset with the neighbors.. they love you lt seems they love me too much I'm thirsty.. Fathy and Lady Fatma are invited to my place tomorrow for Koran I'll invite them the day after to hear some ballads accordingto yourtaste I'll cater at both your places At both dinners I'll recite two poems.. Poems? Like the one you recited at theirwedding? Today's a holiday.. no invitations lt's enough, mum, being invited to all these homes They won't stop inviting you Adila's orgy is next Friday She invites you and Fathy to the slaughter.. God protect us ! Please apologize, mum Fathy can't stand any more ls dinnerready? - Great.. I'm starving - Here, son That's enough Me too, mum lt seems very delicious What's wrong, Fathy? Don't you like the chili? - lt's too hot -That's why it's nice -Andthe stuffedfood? - lt's full of garlic, which I hate Don't say that.. garlic is healthy lt kills 1 5 stomach infections My stomach has no infections - Hi, Um Fatma - Hi, Antar.. have a bite No, you eat.. hi, sir Do you happen to have aspirin? - Why? What's wrongwith you? - Not me.. Maymoun He's out of sorts today, as though he has a headache Poorthing ! I'll get you two pills God bless you with joy Long may you live - See you later - Bye Never mind, Maymoun.. Fathy Bey won't answer We don't measure up Come along Fatma, help me.. it's my daughter Ayusha - What of her? - She's got contractions I left her in great pain Not to worry.. I'll follow you Just go heat some water God bless you and your humanity, tender princess I can't believe the lack of manners ! You're marriedto a man whose position forbids you work How is your position affected by my doing something humane to people who are usedto my free help? We can give them money to get a doctor or nurse if they leave you alone Never mind. They'll understand But now it's unfairto let them down at once -This isridiculous -They have hope in Fatma When they learn your nature they'll keep a distance Come.. Fathy Bey, finish your meal Oh no, boys ! This is no car now, it's a chicken pen ls my car a toy? - Sorry, sir - No sorry lf l catch you playingwith my car l'll have an officer jail you Now get lost - Where's your aunt, Hamada? - She went to Um Felfel Who's Um Felfel? May God protect you.. She was heating dinner, when the stove exploded - lt exploded, hey? - Yes I'm the one who's about to explode - Rather your enemy - Life here is becoming unbearable Don't get angry.. I'll send for her Go call her, Hamada No, leave herwith whoever's stove exploded or got contractions This life is killing me Where are you going? Want to know where l'm going? I'm goingto hell Now do you know? Hello, sir.. - lt's Fathy - Why's he here? - Welcome home, Fathy. So sorry - Why? - l heard you were ill - Who told you that? Everyone You were even hiding out at a nurse's home; some say you married But I know you're areal Don Juan You wouldn't fall for a nurse, rather hook a hospital Longtime no see.. You tricked us with rumors you were in love Fathy was never in love He was in love once - Right, Fathy? -True.. only once - Lucky Fathy is back - Safely What'll you drink? - Caraway - Caraway? I mean champagne lf l ask what you'll eat I bet you'll say felafel How come yourtaste is so common? Come on, Mervat I'm just kidding Kidding? is that what you learnt in the alley? Champagne They say he married her He's honorable.. he wouldn't marry her.. he'd just love her Poor girls have no manners these days lf you speak to one, or ask for a date, they want to marry you -The country is spoiled - Nothing good left I'm sure you're ashamed I could hardly face people who gossiped about you and your nurse Mervat, please let's not talk of her Anyone in my place would abandon you afterthat ploy But sadly, my only fault is still loving you I hadn't the heart to take off your engagement band Forgive, me, Mervat.. I was mad and am regaining my mind I never doubted you'dregret it and come to your senses The Pasha said he'd declare you legally incompetent but I begged him not torush until I met and spoke with you Thank you so much, Mervat I hardly know how to face him He said he'dforgive you if you mend your mistake by leaving her To our love Fathy, if you leave me again, I'm telling you.. I'll kill myself and you'll be to blame No way.. I'll never leave you again What's that lovely perfume? - 'Jereviens' - Meaning, I'll return l havereturned and no more parting - Mervat - Yes - Mervat alone will do - Precisely, Mervat alone will do I have no objection, but how do I getrid of Fatma? Just like anyone getsrid of a girl not of his class Divorce her.. give her 100 pounds You've shamedthe family and must pay for your mistake But I didn't marry herformally.. I wrote a piece of paper - Bravo - Bravo That's an honorable position - You can take the paper - Yes, but I.. What? Arich man wasting a few days with a poor girl. No crime The crime is to marry Now you must be clever enough to get the paper Yes, get the paper - Girls and boys - Chuff, chuff - What'll you eat? - Dates so sweet Dates, my foot.. get lost, boys Leave them, Mustafa.. they're neighbors - Here, buy some dates -Thanks, sir Hi, Antar.. give these to your kids God bless you all the more Hi, Mustafa.. I really missed you God bless you. They were worried when you didn't show up And I kept wonderingwhat happened Thanks for your concern When I see you I'm overjoyed - l imagine you're my late father -Thanks, son - Come with me - You go ahead I have work in the bakery Bye Hello hello, auntie Hello, Fathy dear I'm afraid you're offended by me Yesterday I was tense and might have been rude Not at all. But you didn't have to sleep out Did you think I slept out because I was upset? No I went to visit my brother and found him sick so I stayed - Godforbid - Do you approve of me? I approve of you, son - Let me kiss your hand - Godforbid. Why? Come on, auntie When I see you I'm overjoyed I imagine you're my late mother Thanks, son. God knows I love you just like Fatma Where is Fatma? She's in herroom crying.. poorthing She's tasted no food since yesterday Oh my! How come? What a shame. Now I have pangs of guilt Please get her some food. I have good news for her to whet her appetite May God give you good news What is it? I won't tell you, I'll tell her and she can tell you Fatma.. Tamtam, dear My darling.. I congratulate us both -The Pasha approves our marriage - Really? Yes, yesterday he was very ill and I spent the night by his side Why didn't you call me? You can't be a nurse in our home, now you're my wife lt's strange he acceptedthis soon The Pasha is very kind.. his bark is worse than his bite I reminded him of your care when he was ill and your hardwork He was moved.. touched to the point of tears You can't imagine how he praised you He's very kind But it seems someone told him we're living in sin - What a scandal - lmagine But I swore to him we were formally married Why swear? Take the paper and show it to him Why should I show it to him? So he won't suspect us.. it's a matter of honor I'll go get you the paper from mum You think so? OK - Mum, mum - Yes, child - Give me our marriage paper - Why? Don't be scared The Pasha thinks Fathy and I are living in sin Oh my ! That's all we needed ls that the news he brought to whet your appetite? What's wrong? He'll give him the papertoread himself - Must it be now? - Don't you have it? I was afraidwe'd lose it so I kept it with Mr. Fasih - l'll go get it from him - Go out? Don't or he'll get mad at you Have lunch with your husband and I'll go get it Don't be long, mum Suspicion is a goodthing He got mad yesterday, askedfor the papertoday; it's suspicious I thought so Um Fatma isright Just in case, let's go to the copyist What "cinemist"? It's no cinema.. rely on me 40 plasters is too much, it's just a copy.. be lenient Sorry, our product is clear Let's go halfway then - Halfway where? - She means the 40 plasters - Halfway is 20 plasters - Right Sorry, dear.. we have.. What? I'm no foreigner.. write it in Arabic We are in Egypt, not Europe Fixed prices.. no negotiating OK, then.. here it is Take good care of it.. itrelates to the marriage of Fathy Khosrof Brother of therich Fath El-Bab Pasha? Yes, he's my son-in-law Come back at six No, please, we're in a hurry -Two hours then -Thanks.. Let's go Um Fatma Great.. yourwork is clear I'll get you many cases from our office -Are you a lawyer? - No, a lawyer's assistant - See you - Bye Why all the absence? Mr. Fasih, the nutcase.. he left the paper at his office lt took so longto go search forthe keys andfind it I see no cause that I show the paperto my brother Me neither How come, mum? He thinks we're living in sin l don't accept that for me or Fathy. Take it quickly, Fathy OK. My brother is nothing but trouble. I'll beright back I'm coming Now I can call you brother I'm my brothertoo, and you're her brother.. his brother Hello.. Fath El-Bab Pasha's palace? Good morning, Pasha. This is a zincography copy-shop I have a piece of paperthat might interest you You gave her a fake copy? Great And you still have the original? Good on you Bring it and I'll give you a hugereward -A letter, Fatma - lt must be from Fathy Open it and see.. he said he wasreturningright away It's from the Kasr El-Eini Myresignation's accepted Honey, I must tell you that resignation was a mistake You lost your job and Fathy is toyingwith us Who know, mum? He may have an excuse The Pasha might be getting worse.. I'll go ask by phone - Hello - Fathy? No, ma'am.. Fathy Bey isn't in. He traveledto theranch A lovely surprise you've awaitedfor long, auntie - ls Fathy here? - Not Fathy again ! - l got myresults back.. I passed - Congratulations, dear - You promised me an ink pen -Alright, love God safely deliver her, she's poor and miserable May God heed your prayers Raise him well, Um Fatma She had a lovely boy - Really? And how's she? - She's fine Poorthing.. he'll beraised without a father, an orphan You're so sweet, Tutu.. let's getreal, though We must marry soon, OK? Any laterthan one week will cause a scandal Alright, we'll marry in a week - Good morning, sir.. mail - Good morning Who's that woman you greeted? I heard you.. tell me Don't be so suspicious, dear lt's Amberwith the mail Letter 37 from you-know-who I'll tear it up unread as usual Read it to me andwe'll have a bit of fun Listen, dear.. "My dear husband, I don't know if you'll be happy to learn you're fatherto a son.. Let her enjoy it Despite the cruelty with which you met my tenderness andthe treachery in return for my loyalty I no longer ask you to have mercy on me.. I've despaired Oh my ! But I don't think your cruelty will extendto a poor child, your own My loved one has a child, oh my ! Trust this will be my last letter l leave this child's fate in your hands lf you so wish, you can bring him joy, or a share of our suffering Let your conscience dictate you.. bye, Fatma" He has no conscience. Arich man like he abandoning his child? Whatreally bugs me is she left her job for him The jerk fooled us. We thought him an angel, but he's a devil A devil to others, but not to the law When I sold Maymoun's son, he criedforthree whole days Shame on that man ! I once slayed a chicken, herrooster was so sad it died 2 days after Fatma is our daughter. He thinks she has no man to protect her - We're all her men - Men are few We'd kill whoever hurts her lf he's proudto be wealthy God is strongerthan he Blessed be God's name I believe first of all, I should go to meet the Pasha face to face I'll overwhelm him with the evidence He may be convinced andwarn his brother Fathy toreturn to Fatma and endthis matter once andfor all Have a good morning, Pasha - Stay out of it.. who are you? - l.. What do you want? I am Mr. Fasih, lawyer's assistant messenger of gallantry and humanity I beg your excellency to mend matters between the parted spouses your dear brother Fathy Bey and his wife, Lady Fatma Wife? Shut up ! Has itreachedthis? She is his wife.. before God, the law and people You're a madman.. that was just a youth's fancy A girl like that wouldn't dream of spending a month with my brother But, Pasha this woman gave birth to a boy that can call you uncle Uncle, my foot ! Go see where you got it, you cheats, to blackmail us for money Leave instantly or I'll fetch servants to kick you out No need.. Pasha See you later.. soon we'll meet in the courtroom Threatening me, conman, thief? I'll throw you all in jail That's what happened.. we only have the courtroom before us Do your best to file the case But Fatma's finances are lousy Court needs money andfees I'll pay all she needs We all paidforthe wedding We'll all pay forthe case Fatma's favors are unforgettable lt's not her case, but ours I'll go by every home in the alley.. and ask for cooperation You get a boxready for donations - Each may pay what they can - So be it You were deprivedtenderness from a merciful heart Fate forced you to live an orphan Who should have embraced you with love and joy except the one who on seeing you wouldfind his image in you? Orphan with yourfather living He abandoned you and me You're destitute and I weep for you Afraid and my eyes are overflowing I say what fault of yours made you suffer as an orphan so early? One day you'll ask for him I can't tell you about him My tears will fall on my cheeks and I'll say, God, I wish I'dremained alone in the world without handing anyone my heart This is the best Sharkasseya I ever had - Right, Fathy? - Exactly so Andthe water must be the sweetest and probably even the salt You and your jokes, Fathy ! Frankly, our appetites are insatiable today afterwe won the personal status court hearing Mr. Yaqut, the lawyer, managed to throw his bombshell and explode her and her lowly neighbors We'll really have fun, when Mr. Alaa starts his defense before the local court She'll get no less than 2 years in jail Court won't wait.. hurry, Hajj Mustafa I don't know where court is. Take me with you You shouldn't take the trouble, Darwish lf l don't for Fatma, who else for? - Go on aheadto court - Why? Better all go together - We've no time, Moallem Yamani - l'm coming - Wish Fatma luck in her case - She'll win, Godwilling Praise the Prophet.. the horses are wishing luck Thanks.. I had a lovely dream I hope is fulfilled What was it? I saw her dressed in white visiting a sheik dressed in green He gave her ared amulet lf you come back triumphant, I vow we'll go to Sidi Arbe'ien - l'll light a dozen candles - God preserve you - May we share in your joys - lt's time for court.. let's go Drive on Hello.. didn't I say see you later? -This is our day in court - Who's he? Yes, who's he? Forgotten me? You kicked me out of your home. Here in court we're all equals.. no one can kick the other out This is a specimen of those cons who are suing us After my defense, they'll learn their lesson Show me your eloquent, exquisite elaborate defense Your Honor, a daily tragedy -A girl of no family - How's that significant in court? Please, don't object A girl of no family revolts against the lowly environment she grew up in and aspires to have wealth and glory and does anythingto get them even though it be degrading or illegal She ensnares arich young man and chases him and if he's tired of her advances andtries to endthe matter, she comes to court with a counterfeit common-law contract - lt's not proven to be counterfeit - lt's been claimed, sir Please keep your comments till it's yourturn to speak She comes to court with a counterfeit common-law contract and cries out that she's a desertedwife, motherto a childthe devil alone knows where she got Objection, your Honor. He's slandering my client Object all you like. I've clear-cut evidence of her soiled past I reserve theright to demand compensation later Yes, do that I'll be quiet.. won't he go outside later? I swear.. Silence, orthey'll kick us out You Honor, this innocent woman This pure humble woman, whom my colleague fears to hurt was firedfrom the Kasr El-Eini hospital for ill conduct lll conduct? What's this? Order.. I wish the court demands to see my client's employmentrecords andwe'll see if she was kicked out as my colleague claims orresigned of her own free will and got a letter ofrecommendation -for good conduct and efficiency -That's it Do you deny goingto Alexandria afterwritingthe contract? I object at the question's phrasing My client deniedwriting it Forget that ! Did you take herto Alexandria? No, I went alone - We've evidence she was with you - She followed me - Did you stay at one hotel? - No Côte d'Azur Hotel'srecords, room 1 5read "Mr. and Mrs. Fathy" I wrote nothing.. she may have toldthem to write that Afterreturningfrom Alexandria you heldthe wedding in her home - Me? That never happened -The nerve of you ! - So you neverwent to her place? - l did I recall she once invited me to dinner I wouldn't turn her down I only thought she was repaying our kindness because my brothertreated herwell Fathy Bey is my fiancé.. the time she says he spent with her he was with me constantly She's a liar - My client has a question - We don't mind Did you ever see me before? I saw you in my fiancé's home nursing his brother Don't you recall you once asked me to your home? I didn't.. you came to me - What for? - For.. To beg me to ask Fathy to get you your job back after you got fired - ls that so? - Yes Thank you, madam - Why not tell them she asked..? - No, mum.. it's unfair She wants to shame you and you cover up for her? - lt's up to her.. Godforgive her -Any questions? You may step down, madam - Call the expert - He's here, sir Order Afterreviewing item 21 5 of the penal code and after proof of witnesses and the expert's testimony that the contract for both cases was counterfeit Based on all that, the courtrules.. defendant Fatma Mohamed serve time with labor, bail at 50 pounds No worries.. we'll win the appeal Godwilling, son Go post bail How come you're paying alone? - l must help - We all must Alright.. alright - Mr. Fasih - Yes Please, pawn these for me - Why? -To post bail - lt's been paid - No way, Fatma We're all family Shame on all us men, if you have to pawn your jewelry Godforbid.. why, child? People were unfairto me accused me and set the culprit free They were unfairthough I am right andthey made me taste their bitter cruelty They hardly pitied my child so helpless The world helps them to hurt me My heart is broken.. I have no luck I own my tears alone The iniquitous they help to be unfair And judge the destitute fortheir despair The truth is in my hands evident andthey say I'm the one at fault People are cruel to the poor All have battled me andwere unfair I give over my affairs to You, Lord None but You pities my woes in the world The poor Your generosity enriches andthe destitute You vindicate with Your justice I'm Your creation On You I rely vindicate me on those who weren't fairto me Must you leave me and go to theranch, Tutu? What can I do? The wedding is near andwe need money I'll go get the harvest income.. I won't be gone more than a day I can't trust you for one hour - Why? - You have a pastrecord Pastrecord? Did I steal or kill? Yes, you killed me andwent off for a month with that nurse Oh, Riri.. I thought we'dforgotten You're now my all-in-all If only you knew how much I will miss you tonight I'll stay up with your picture and imagine you're with me always Not to worry, we'll marry soon andthen I'll never leave you Oh my ! I'm so late I mustrush home, get my bag and catch the train You know how trains have no mercy - Bye - Goodbye Don't be late.. Bye-bye Come in.. be seated Congratulations, excellency I was gladto hearthe verdict Thanks. lt's nice of you to come congratulate me I'd like to greet you after the appeal -That's guaranteed - You never know The paper you sold me for 200 pounds was their only evidence I burnt it myself in that fireplace I saw him with my hands burning it in that cup - Cup? - ln that fireplace - l swear it's in my wallet - What do you mean? It's a different one? It's a copy.. but I have the original So you made a mistake and you're here to give it back? - l'm at your service, but.. - But what? I'm so embarrassed. it's too expensive Expensive? ! Weren't you paidfor it? Forthe copy - You want more money? - You want money more? It's not much.. I'll go easy 1000 pounds What? Thief, conman, criminal Get out of here I'm going.. no needto get upset Come, wait forthe Pasha a little - Leave him - Go along Leave him I said.. I said let him go I'll bring him back.. - Sit - Sit I'll pay 500 - Excuse me, excellency - Excuse him, excellency? Sit.. 600 - lt's no use - Sit I'll pay no more - l don't mind - Give me the paper Give him the paper Get lost Thanks, excellency If this one is also a copy, I'll make your life miserable Pardon me.. it's the original - Bye, your excellency - Bye - l think it's too expensive - l believe it's very expensive - But for our profit.. it's cheap - l believe it's very cheap Pasha, get me therental leases I'm travelingright now The lawyer's office is closedtoday - What then? - Yes, what then? -Travel tomorrow - Yes, tomorrow travel How come? I told Mervat I was goingtonight She'll be gladto know you postponed - l'll give her a nice surprise - Yes, a surprise nice -Amber, take my bags upstairs -Alright - Shame - Shame of whom? -The dog can see us - Good one First yourfiancé, then your dog -The dog's barking - Must have seen a cat - Hope he hasn't missedthe train - Fathy? He's now with the cattle with peasants grilling corn and frogs playing him a symphony lf only you knew how much I miss you with that jerk here When you marry him we'll arrange torent a small apartment to meet in secretly What if he won't let me go out alone? Don't be silly.. you'll have a dozen excuses Tailor.. dentist.. ear doctor.. invited at a friend's place Mimi, when you're far away, I lose my mind I stay up opposite your picture and imagine -That you're always with me - Fathy? ! - l came here, friend.. - Yourfriend? Why are you panicking? Be seated, madam. lt's your home And you, Munir Bey. Be seated, for it's your home, too There's no needfor dentist, ear doctor, or a friend You'll be together always, as you're justright for each other Fathy? Do you doubt my loyalty? Friend, that's too much You're insulting my pride Your loyalty, sir and your pride, madam are peculiar I met with loyalty and pride in this home but sadly it wasn't yours.. but from my friend This is my truly loyal friend He never called me friend, but was loyal to the end He never slandered me, present or absent l hate to leave him with you in this filthy environment -That's Fathy Bey - Fatma's husband - ls Fathy Bey alright? - Goodness me God is wise.. He delays judgement, but not forever - He's avenged you, Fatma - Shame on you Have mercy.. Ismail, call an ambulance Hajj Yamani, get us some water Fathy.. Fathy.. answer me Please, Hajj Mustafa.. Call a doctor. Help me ! Fathy - What didthe doctor say? - God be with him Fatma.. Fatma Forgive me.. I'm a criminal Fatma.. my son What's that girl doing here? I don't want to see you again, got it? Keep it down, sir.. we have patients Atramp.. she's here to trick him into signing another paper No fear, Pasha You warnedthe nurse -The hearing is in two weeks - Yes, in two weeks The alley that fights for a nurse Sir, I'm sure the paperwas written by him, before my eyes There's noroom for such claim The expert said it was fake -Anythingto add? - God knows I'm innocent lf l ask forruth, it's not for me but for my motherwho has no other support, for my orphaned nephew who's now myresponsibility, forthis innocent baby, whose family disowned him What fault of his makes him start life in jail? What? Have you somethingto say? Fathy Bey.. I admit our marriage was a mistake Arich man like you doesn't suit a poor girl like me I want nothingfor myself Don't haveruth for me Have mercy on this poor baby Do you deny this is your son, of your own flesh and blood? If the paper is fake, is this baby fake too? Distinguished judges.. I admit before God in your hearing that Fatma is my wife of my own will and volition Her son is my son and heir, bears my name, is my flesh and blood - Long live justice - Long live justice - Long live gallantry - Long live gallantry - Where to? Zamalek? - No, to Omara Alley Strong victory and coming joy Peace to one and all Strong victory, may it last for me and all the loved ones around me They're my joy and all I possess who have become mine as time went by Peace to one and all A great joy, God has vindicated us Above all, we got ourreward forwaiting Our loved ones andwe have plenty of happiness that we neverwould have dreamed of Peace to us, we went and arrived God covers us with His protection Whoever is vindicated by God is never mistreated The End Hey hey, we don't have to have this cowboy party on Saturday. I'll get my scissors and cut your birthday right out of the calendar. Oh, come on! Maybe this is a bourbon salesman. - Mom, hi. Oh my gosh. - Hi. You know, you're early. The birthday party's not for two days. No, I know. I came today because I wanted to talk to you. - But why didn't you call? - Your father and I have separated. Hello, Lois. - Hi, Marie. - I saw you drive up. Was I given the wrong day for the party? What? What's going on? Did I miss something? - I think I missed something. - It's okay. - We'll see you later, okay, Marie? - I think I missed something. If anybody needs to talk to me, I'm just right across the street. I have marble cake! What are you talking about? What do you mean you've separated? Well, I don't suppose it's any secret that your father and I have had our problems. We even tried that marriage counseling thing in New Jersey. One week of counseling and this is what you come up with? This is how you work things out? Oh, honey, this can't be a complete surprise. You know we were never truly compatible and New Jersey actually made us see that. Oh, yeah, that's right, New Jersey, "The Just Give Up State." Well, it was 41 years, so you can't say we didn't give it a shot. Now please, don't be upset, because I'm not, really. I feel wonderful and free. You're unbelievable. And what about Dad? Well, he's fine too, and we'll stay close. We'll probably be better friends than before. And you know Pat and Cyril went through this, and they're much happier now. They share custody of the dogs. This is just like you, you know? Your hip and trendy lifestyle. It's chic to get separated now, so that's what you do instead of putting any effort into... Come on, Debra, now that's not fair. It's been nothing but effort, and I have tried. You have never tried anything for longer than it was on a magazine cover. Marie. Hello? Hiya, Lois. I was looking for Marie. Oh, yeah? For me, just the opposite. Juice? No, thank you. Would you mind if I just hung out here for a bit? Nothing's going on. What are you? Put on some clothes with company in the house. What company? She's family. Hey, there's nothing here she ain't seen on Warren. Am I wrong? Hey, where is Warren? Abu Dhabi or something? Could be. That's why I came over. I want to tell you that Warren and I are splitting up. I'll put pants on. Oh. You poor dear. No no, it's okay, Marie. It's okay. He's leaving you. No, it's completely mutual. We're both quite happy, honestly. You don't have to pretend with me. You can tell me all the awful details. Please. No, not those pants. They go to Goodwill. Hey, I love these pants. Who the hell are you to give 'em to Goodwill? ! There are holes in the seat! You've worn through them! Then you can't give 'em to Goodwill! That's bad will! There are other pants in the dryer. Put on one of those. No! These are the pants! No, you are not wearing those pants, Frank! - You're just like an animal! - Animals don't even like pants! - You did that on purpose! - I did not! You're the animal! Go on, dear. Hey! Cheese doodle. I ordered a moon bounce for the kids party Saturday. It's a corral. Goes with your whole cowboy theme. They said you gotta be under 80 pounds to jump in there, but screw that guy. I'm going in. Listen, Ray. - What? - I have to tell you something. Yeah. It's pretty big. Oh, boy. Yeah. My parents have separated. They're on the path to divorce. - You laugh? You laugh? ! - No no no no. No! It's one of those moments, you know? It's too serious or something. I wasn't ready for it. This is terrible. No, all right, st... There's nothing funny here. This is awful. You know what it is. It's just... it's the way that you said it. "They're on the path to divorce." I'm not smiling. I didn't smile. I'm not smiling. You know what it is? It's the image I have. I picture that there was a path in the forest with, like, one of those wooden signs. "Divorce this way" and... I don't know. What? - Like "Three little pigs this way." And then your face when you said it, it was just a little serious. That's all. No! I think I had too much fun at work today. You know what happened? The door to the vending machine, it was broken, see? Free candy. These are my favorites. Twix. Hey. Hungry? You know, if you're interested, I got a little candy left upstairs. It's okay, I got my candy. What happened to your parents? Why, you want another good laugh? I didn't laugh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Come on, I'm sorry about your parents. It's very bad. I'm sorry. We have to talk about this. I wanna talk about this with you. Come on, we have to discuss this. So, your parents, boy... - Go ahead. - Well, I don't... what do you say? I'm sorry. But, I mean, I have to say this. I think everybody could have seen this coming, right? I mean, remember Thanksgiving, how they yelled? It was terrible. I had a hard time finishing my pie. I know they had problems, Ray. Then why are you so surprised? Because they're my parents! They're splitting up! What I can't believe is that they're the ones getting a divorce. It should be your parents. Well. I don't think that's a particularly nice thing to say. - I'm sorry. - I think someone's awfully competitive. All right, I'm sorry, Ray. No, that's fine. Say what you want about my parents. You usually do. But I will say this. Maybe, maybe your parents are splitting up because they kept everything inside for so long that they finally just exploded. Like when you put a pudding cup in the microwave. Which was not me, by the way. So this doesn't worry you? - What? - What about us. - What do you mean? - What if we're headed that way? I keep a lot of stuff inside, too. No, you don't. I drop a sock on the floor, you scream like a horror movie. There's plenty more I keep inside, believe me. There can't be a lot left in there. I hate my mother. No, you don't. How do you know this is your mother's fault? It's her fault. She's so... Why is she doing this? I mean, my parents being together... I mean, I have counted on that my whole life. Through school and college and then struggling after college, you know, when I didn't know what I was doing or where I was going, at least I had... Their marriage was like a rock, the one solid rock for me. Well... maybe it was more like a stone, okay? And now it has passed. - That's enough. That's just enough. - What did I do? You can't have a real conversation. - You gotta be funny. Idiot. - It wasn't that funny! Hey, no, come on, look, I'm trying to be understanding here, okay? I'm not the one who said "idiot," all right? But I'm willing to overlook it because I understand. You're the child of a broken home. - Oh, hi. - Hi. Ally's kerchief tore. Yeah. Well, she needs another one to go with her cowgirl ensemble. Okay, I'll get it. Debra, wait. What? I don't know. I was just hoping that maybe you could have tried to come to terms with the situation - over the last couple of days. - No, I'm fine, Mom, but thanks for the couple of days to come to terms with it. I gotta get that kerchief. Leave me alone! Come on! We said it before. I'm the bad guy. You said that. I did not agree to that. Well, there can't be two bad guys, okay? - That doesn't make sense. - Look, I wanna be the bad guy, okay? I'm always a good guy. I'm a cop. It's monotonous. Listen, I bought the mustache. Yeah, well, it's my kid's party, okay? They all hate the good guy. So you could use a little hate. You know what? Aah! It's Rotten Raymond! He's so funny. Yeah, he's a pip. Listen, I was sorry to hear about you and Warren. Thank you. I've been there. That's right. What was your wife's name again? Joanne. She was actually quite horrible. Right, I remember. Just so you know, it gets better as time passes. You know? Thank you, Robert. Actually, we're pretty okay with it now. Yeah, so was Joanne. She had a party. - Oh? - At her old strip club. All her friends were there... Satin, Bubbles, Lick-Lick. People make mistakes. I would say she's the one that made the mistake. Thank you. Oh, listen. - No, I was just trying to be consoling. - Good luck to you. - No, I didn't mean... - Good luck to you! I'm sorry. He really is crazy. Damn it! Stupid damn friggin' thing. Debra. Your mom said you were up here. Hi, Dad. I can't find a kerchief. What are you doing here? Well, the invitation said "Round 'em up birthday party." It promised a "rootin' tootin' time." I'm so sorry, Dad. Yeah, me, too. Sorry she's doing this to you. - What do you mean? - I know how she is. Here, sit down. This is not your mother's fault. - Don't you defend her. - Listen to me. We have both been unhappy - for some time now. You know that. - All right, but you're the one who at least tries to make an effort, like wanting to go to that marriage counseling. Can I tell you something? I never really wanted to go to New Jersey. You want to know why I picked that place? Because I was looking forward to how much your Mother would hate it. Well, she loved it, and I was the one bored out of my freakin' skull. Those workshops... "Polishing your soul mate's soul." So... You really mustn't blame your mother, honey. I'm the one who actually said it was over. I don't believe it. - It's true. - And what did she say? Well, she knew. We both knew. Don't cry, honey. I can't help it. I mean, why the hell do you take vows if they don't mean anything? We meant it then. We meant it when you were kids. But when your sister and then you went off to college, it kept getting harder. Well, what about all the kissing, the traveling together and the Pookums 1 and 2 license plates? What was that? I know. I know. I guess, by the end, most of that was just... a show. And we had enough. We both had enough. It's not like Ray's parents. What? They seem to have the secret. What? They know how to do it. It's not a facade for them. But they're maniacs. Yes, but they're honest with each other. Everything's out in the open with them. "Eggs, Marie, and hold the chatter." I love that. I'll tell you, they're the ones who oughta be giving the seminar. Howdy. Would you take that off, please? Yes, Ma'am. Feeling any better? I guess. Sorry about your parents. I know. But you know... that's not us. 'Cause I... I think we kinda get everything out in the open. Tighter. Tighter. You want me to put on the mustache? What are you doing? Thomas! Thomas Thomas! Wait! Where are you going? It's dangerous! Thomas! Let go me! Stop! Thomas! It's over! It's not you can even do for him! It's too late! I have to see, let go me! Thomas! May God forgive us all What did they do to you? What did they do to you? What did they do to you? Come on! Keep moving! Jesus! Come on! Hurry up! We don't have all day ... Jesus! Move! We must be gone by nightfall. Hey! What is this? What's going on? Jesus Thomas! Jesus, what did they've done to you? You're here at last! John ... yes ... at last ... - Where are the others? - I don't know ... Jesus. Jesus, what did they've done to you? Jesus, what did they've done to you! Hurry up, I said! - No! Come on! - No! Don't touch Him! Stop it! You don't know what you've done! Get out! - Go! Where do we go? This way! There's a new tomb for my family. But we do not have much time, Sabbath is about to begin. Quickly! Take him inside. Jews, listen to me The Romans killed your master! Threw them away. They killed him! They killed a just man! It's time to join forces! The time for liberation has come! Follow me! Fight with me. What are you waiting for? Arrest him, Caius. Follow me! Mary. Please Thomas, we've to close the tomb and leave. Please! No. We can't just leave him here. We couldn't save him. We've to give him a proper burial, at least. I know, but not now. Come on, please. We must go, Thomas! Come on, let's go! Quickly, close the tomb! Veturius! Pilate's men are coming. Go! Take the women away. We've to leave, now. I don't know who you are, but ... I'm not leaving the Master here. Don't think only of yourself. Dying is the easiest way out. Come on! Go! Look at his mother. Look at the others. They need your help. Take them somewhere safe place, please. What are you waiting for? Are you mad? Get him out of here before I change my mind. Come on. I'm not leaving you, Master. Thank you. - Idiot! Do you call yourself a Roman soldier? All in order, sir. All in order. Where is that damn zealot Barabbas? Maybe a wrong man was crucified. Pilate is the judge of that. You'll come with us. And the dead man followers? Gone. They left among the crowd. You let them escape. You must arrest them all. Whoever is to blame for this revolt. Search for them. You'll camp here over night. Some of them may be foolish enough to come back. At your orders. I said you must come with me. Where can we go? We don't know the city. I do not know, we'll find a place. Let's go to the house where we last had supper with the Master. -It's that way. - Come on, let's go. John. Come on. Come here! Come and entertain a poor lonely soul. Leave her alone. This way. You're here! Thomas! Simon. John! James. Thank God you're alive, my brother. Where were you. Where were you all! We're here, Thomas. Are you hurt, Thomas? No, it's not my blood. This is his. Roman beasts! What did they do to him? How do they it happen? Thomas, we're all as pained as you are. He called us friends. We ate at his table. This. This is the bread he broke for us! We're the beasts. What did we do for him? We ran. We lied. I denied him three times, just like he said I would. I was scared. Peter, brother, brother. Peter. What about you? I was there too late. This is all that was left. We're all here? All of us, but Judas. Judas hanged himself. How could he do that! Judas! He handed him over to our enemies. With a kiss. And somebody is going to betray us too. They know our names. They're on this list that Pilate has put up all over the city. We're wanted for sedition and treason. We've to get out! Now! We must go back to Galilee. You're right. In Galilee we can live in peace. Peace. Peace? How can you say that ... after all that happened here. Have you forgotten that Jesus, lies in a stranger's tomb? None of us has forgotten, Thomas! We're here because we followed Him. Yes, well then... We can abandon him now, can we? We can't let a few Romans stand in our way We've to give him a proper burial! I don't think Jesus would want any of us to die. That's what you think, Peter? Fine. I'll go by myself. Master, I shall never abandon You! I swear I won't. - Wash yourself, Thomas. You believed in Him. He knew that. Yes, and now, he lies in a cold slab of stone. I know how much you miss miss him. There's nothing you can do. You've to accept it. No. I have to go to his tomb. Thomas, you can't! It's a sin. The Sabbath has begun. I've to find a way, to get him out of there. Thomas, it's dangerous. Don't go by yourself. Ask the others Maybe some of them will come with you. I will. No, Joanna ... this is my task. This was in their plans! An excuse for insurrection against the power of Rome. I should have let him rot in this cross. A Jewish prophet ... At Passover. Before the eyes of thousands from the city walls We simply removed the body to pacify the crowd. Pacify the crowd! There was practically a revolt here! Now Joseph, you gave him your family sepulka. Why would you do that? You're a Jew. Yeah, and I'm proud to be a Roman citizen as well. He was with them, at the Nazarene's cross. Why? What was him to you? -He's a stranger. But the Lord of the Jews prescribes mercy. So, you've seen these men, you'd recognize them. Where are they now? I don't know. I don't know them. I've never seen them before. Your name is on the list. Joseph of Arimathea. The list of Jesus' followers. They're wanted, for sedition and treason. I don't see it here. Well ... Should it be? - Of course not. They abandon their leader in your care. They vanish without a word. Are you protecting them? I told you, I don't know them. Oh, but you will. You gave them your tomb. They'll come to you. And when they do, you will tell me, would you not? But I must warn you ... if anything else happens at the tomb, I will hold you ... personally responsible. Nothing, must happen the body of the Nazarene. You can go now. I knew, you'd be fool enough to come back here. - Arrest me then. They don't want you alive. - What are you waiting for, Longinus? - You want to die, don't you? But don't think I'm going to grant it to you! Killing a fool brings bad luck. Get out of here! You're helping us, Longinus. Today, you let us escape. That is not of your concern! And I wouldn't count on it a third time. Go! I'm sick of you damn Galileans ... your wizards and Prophet. You're afraid. Who are you scared of? The man you crucified? Or is remorse. Come on, you struck him, you can strike me ... Centurion! Who those there? I was just an animal, Caius. Go back to sleep. If you're not gonna kill me, you can help me. I not moving from here until you let me take his body. Are you mad? I can't help you. Go to your priests of the temple. - Caiaphas? I'd rather cut my arm off than ask him for help. You opposed the Master from the beginning. But ... Joseph of Arimathea might help you. - Who is he? Who gave you this tomb. If you have more influence over the Sanhedrin, than he does he won't be hard to find. He has a big house in the upper part of the city. An animal? What kind of animal, Longinus? And doesn't have a name? You heard me, huh? ... An animal. But since you're here, you keep guard. I'm going to sleep. They told like an animal ... but it's time to harvest your lies, Longinus. - My friend, I'm looking for Joseph of Arimathea's house. That way. - Thank you. Go tell Pilate, one of those followers' going to Joseph of Arimathea's house. Right. - What do you want? - I'm looking for Joseph. Joseph of Arimathea. Welcome. Too come in. Can I offer you something to eat, or to drink? Can I be of any help? I'm a wanted man. As a rule but Nazarene's disciples. Come. Did anyone followed you? Was anyone outside when you arrived? Just a poor beggar. So, what can I do for you? We have to move the Master's body, tonight. But the tomb is guarded, you know that. Yeah, but... You're a member of the Sanhedrin. Tell them, you've Pilate's order. They'll believe you. - That is not a good idea. First you offered to help ... then you backoff ... It's not that. No, I understand. You've a lot to lose. You're rich. - Quite rich, yes. The Master said ... "It's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle ... than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of Heaven". I've heard Him. I still find it hard to believe that you could be one of us. But, you asked for his body. Why? That's of little importance now. You must save your own lives. No. We're not leaving, until we can take the Master's body. You're stubborn. They'll arrest us both, and then I won't be able to help you! You do not have to help us. Help him. I'll talk to Caiaphas. He'll never agree to this. He will, if he finds it convenient. I'll come with you. - No. It's too risky. - I know. For you too. I do not know your name. Thomas. Thomas of Capernaum. Caiaphas! And remember, no matter what I say, don't say a word! Joseph ... Joseph, what is it? One of the Nazarene's followers came to my house. Cross all of the names on Pilate's list, will appease him for a while. I do not come here, to be made a fool of. We want the Master! He's ours! Joseph, how dare he speak to me like this! This man insolence is not great matter ... as long as the Nazarene's body remains in Jerusalem ... no one can assure us there won't be a revolt. You could be right. The body can't stay where it is. Another place must be found. And the further ... the better. Galilee! Galilee was our Master's house. That's where he should be buried. And Jerusalem would be left in peace. Listen ... if you'd to leave this city in dispend ... Could we be tempted to forgive all about you. No, we can not forget the words of Jesus. The Master lives on. He was anointed by the Lord. Of course, he was a "king"! "Greater than David himself". But tell me, did he freed Israel, from the yoke of Rome? Did he "bring in his kingdom"? No, he failed, in every count an impostor! It's over now. Jesus is dead. But an act of clemecy would confirm your reputation among the people. True. And I'm sure that Pontius Pilate would be grateful to see his problem solved, thanks to you. You want the body ... Then I can see that you have it. But first I must to speak to Pontius Pilate. You are a good liar. A true merchant. You should learn to hold your tongue! We're lucky we walk out of the temple in our own two feet! Who are you, Joseph? A disciple in disguise? A friend of Jesus, and of his enemies? Whose side are you on? Does it matter? You're still alive, and you got what you wanted. I found Joseph, the owner of the tomb. We went to Caiaphas and ... Caiaphas? - Thomas! Don't you know that Caiaphas paid witnesses to lie about the Master? Maybe he bought them too. - What did you say? That you're a traitor. Like Judas was! Simon! Thomas! Stop it! Stop it! Simon! Simon! Thomas is no traitor. He's just stubborn. Look. Look, Thomas, none of us should be drawing attention, you know that! Yeah, I took the risk, but it was ... put our lives in danger. Everyone's. What should we do, Peter? - We should leave. Immediately. We should wait. Wait? Wait for what, John? Don't be so impulsive. The Master said, "Let not your hearts be troubled ... In my Father's house, there are many rooms." Did the Master told you secretly? Did He leave you a map ... so we could find Him, in the Kingdom to Come? You must seek inside yourself. Where? Where! Thomas, why did you stop considering but only what you could touch? Like these? Should I forget what Jesus suffered? No! No! Stop! Thomas! Thomas! Brother, listen to me ... I know how much you suffer, brother! ... but torturing ourselves, will not put an end to our suffering. We must learn to feel His presence, which is inside each of us. The spirit of the Son of God. What God, would allow that to happen to His only Son! - Thomas! - Mary. Why don't you understand me? I loved the Master, as much as you did. We have to honor His memory. That's why I went to Caiaphas. Caiaphas, is willing to let us take the body back to Galilee. We're gonna get it back home! How can this be? It's a trap! To bring us out into the open! To arrest all us at the tomb! The women! ... The women have already gone to the tomb, to embalm him. Are we cowards, leaving the women to go? Calm down, nothing can happen to them. They are not on the list. Mary. What's happened? Where are the others? Were you attacked? The Master ... Speak, Mary, speak! He's gone. What do you mean is gone? - He's gone... His body is not longer there! They'd stolen our Master's body? Who has? I don't know. The tomb was force-opened. What about the guards? - There was no sign of them. You see, how much their word was worth? You've been tricked! - Where are the others? They're still there. Let's go! Wait here. If we don't come back, leave tonight! Don't look for us. Thomas! You can't stop me from going with them. Joanna. Joanna, are you alright? Did you see anyone? No one. Are you sure? You must have seen someone. The priests? The Romans? The zealots? No one, Thomas. No one. Come on. It's true. He's not here. Can you feel the peace... It's if death has gone from this place. It took some strength to do this. They wanted to humiliate him ... to destroy him, even in death. There's no blood. No sign of a struggle, nothing. And the guards? They just ran off. So it seems. They take his body, but leave the shroud. Grave robbers. - No. There was nothing to steal. But Master was here. He was worth more than anything. Yes. That's why we must look for him. All that trouble, Thomas ... At least they're trying to do something, John. Maybe we should just remember His words. He never lied to us. I'm not doubting His word. Are you sure, Thomas? The Romans might come back. We should go! He thinks he always knows everything. Each of us will remember the Master in his own way. - Yes. They could be watching us now! Let's go! -Let's go, John! Let's go! The Sanhedrin and the Romans are afraid that he will be remembered. Without his body, who can say that he ever existed? When we speak of Him, who's going to believe us? Foolish, but determined. That's what Joseph of Arimathea said of us. Did you tell him where we're hiding? No. I'm sorry, Thomas. You trusted a friend of the Romans. Where is Joseph? - Joseph is not here. He was called to the palace, by Pontius Pilate. A traitor. Help me sir, please. I have nothing to eat. Here. Thank you. You're a generous man. So, you still haven't had enough? The light ... I've never seen so much ... light. - You're keeping us waiting! Everywhere. Take him away. Make sure he speaks to no one. He's mad, and dangerous. You said you had no contact with the group of followers ... And no knowledge of last night. I already told you. I know nothing about it. You're lying. We'd you followed. And you. Are you willing to tell me the truth! ? Yes. Procuratore. Yes! Good. We should go to the tomb. Take them both! Woman. Master. Why are you crying? Who are you looking for? Master! Mary. Did you break your legs? Go away. Leave me alone! I'm sure I was being followed. So they know we're here? - I managed to loosing him. Mary! What's happened to you? I've seen him! Who did you see? The Master. You saw his body? He's alive! And He spoke to me! He spoke to you? Are you sure? Where was it? - I went back to the tomb. I was desperate. It was Him. He asked me to bring back the news to his brothers. He has risen! Come back from the kingdom of dead. Like Lazarus! How could be? Did you touch Him? - I embraced His feet. But He told me to come back to you. Peter, this can't be true ... Wait, Simon, wait. You don't believe me? It was a dream! I saw Him! He called my name! Maybe he was a man, who knew you ... who wanted to make a fool out of you. It was the Master! You know He promised to return. - Yes. I also know, how much we all longing for it. But Mary, if He came back, He'd came back to Peter ... or to John, to Simon, or to his mother. Or even to me. Mary, why'd the Master, come back to you first? Brother, where's your heart? Has it left with your faith? All of this, has been prophesied. Master! Master! Is that You? Speak to me! Master! Master! Master! Please don't leave me again! Joanna! Why were you following me? You're listening? - Yes. But now I know ... You believe. You believe He's still with us. I wish it was so easy. But I can't. I can't until He answers me. Then you should get faith in Him. You don't know how much I miss Him. You can't imagine how much I miss Him, Joanna. He will come for you, Thomas. I know He will! This way. Just here. Come on, move! It's Joseph! Come on, Caius, speak up! What happened? He ordered us, to rest. While he stood, first guard. We're dirty, sleeping by the fire. But suddently, we're overwhelmed by a band! Who were they? Well, the dead-man followers! Us? - Ssh ... Could you recognize them? It was dark, but yes, I saw Longinus, speaking to one of them. And I recognized him as a follower. Then, when they took the Nazarene's body, out of the tomb I heard them shout, his name, like a war cry. "Jesus! Jesus!" That is outrageous! You felt asleep on duty. You'd be lucky to not have you crucified. Get out of my sight! Move! Are you ready to talk to me now? I've answered your questions. It's all I know. How you dare to speak to the Procurator of Rome like that, Jew? If you acted out of compassion, you made a big mistake. These people haven't repaid your trust. Why would they steal the body? A call for rebellion. They want to create a martyr here. And you're one of them. - I am not. This is absurd. Really? Why does Caiaphas told me, that you came with one of them, and asked for permission to remove the body? This is true. It's important to know what's on these people's minds. You haven't understood their purpose yet yourself. Apparently, you have very well. So tell me where they are, and what they've done with the body. I have no idea. When I left the temple, the man ran away and I have never seen him again. You're still lying to me. A few more days in a Roman dungeon, and you'll beg us to hear you out. Right. Come on. It's all lies. Why? That's why we're gonna find out. Come! Why would they invent all that? First they hide body, and then gave us to blame. To make us look like bandits, like zealots. The others were right, we've been fooled. Caiaphas has laid you a trap. Yes. I've to speak with Joseph of Arimathea ... I'm sure he knows much more than he admits. But he's locked in Pilate's dungeons. You work in the palace, don't you? You can help me. What's the matter Joanna? I've been thinking about what Mary said. I believe her ... As you like it. It doesn't matter. I'll get in there, with or without you. Thomas, alright, I'll help you! Come tonight. No, tomorrow morning. I'm going to the temple, to pray ... Tell my brothers, I won't let them down. And believe me, Joanna, I'm gonna bring back the Master ... or I'd die looking for Him. And if He's risen? Then I have no fear of dying! Give thanks, Israel ... from our liberation from heresy ... from the heresy of the Nazarene, and pray ... pray Israel, that his followers be judged They stole his body. they wish to perpetuate, his memory ... his infamious memory ... for generations to come. That's a lie, Caiaphas! We didn't take him! He was our Master. You know who took him. You sold him to the Romans. How much did Pilate gave you? How many insults can you take, Jerusalem? How many curses can you put up with? We loved our Master. Here! Look, look! This is the shroud we laid him in. We didn't take his body! You didn't have to take my word for it, you can come and see for yourselves. Yes! Come and have a look! The tomb was violated last night by vandals! No! Stop him! Stop him! Come! Come with me! Stop him! Stop him! Where are you going? Attack them. Brave talk, friend. Almost as rising as ours Barabbas. - So you remember me? How could I forget? I've nothing to do with you. If you'd fought at our side Your master would still be alive. My Master could have saved himself. He didn't want to. He chose to die, you say? Maybe he chose well. He's certaintly more useful to the cause dead than alive. You don't know it yet, but you're dead too, as dead as your master. My Master was a prophet. You refused to listen to the word. Israel has too many Prophets. We need warriors! Your Nazarene said he was preparing a new kingdom. We're armed, ready for the oppressor ... but he didn't want to fight ... and that's why he died! You should had been crucified instead of him! A brave man, I respect you! You're better than him! You're one of us! The struggle continues, and the time is right. His body is gone, and the people are up in arms. You took his body, didn't you? We're warriors, not vultures. - Who did it then? The crows, the worms, who cares? I do. I've lost many friends. I know how you feel, but the dream is over. It's time to act. The people love me. Jerusalem will soon be ours. Join us! You, and the others. It's your only chance to survive. Jesus, please! Give me a sign! Give me a sign! I need a sign. Thomas, here you are! Take this, Thomas. - What about the guards? Don't worry, they do not pay any attention to the servants. We must keep our eyes open. Be vigilant. Benjamin! - Yes? Thomas, this is Benjamin. He's a friend. He can help you get into the prison. Come. This way. Quiet! This is the place. He's in here. Joseph! Thomas! What are you doing here? That doesn't matter. I know why you're here. I come to ask you something. Why did you take me to Caiaphas? You still don't trust me, do you? If I'd be on their side I wouldn't be here, would I? I thought Caiaphas has some degree of independence. I was wrong. You took us straight into a trap! I didn't. Caiaphas was with us at first. Are you trying to tell me they fooled get to? Yes. Do you believe, what the soldiers said at the tomb? How do you know about that? - I was there, I heard. They'd just say what they've been told to say. By whom? - I suppose by Pilate. He's concealing something. The story of the centurion Longinus didn't please him. You think the Romans took Jesus' body? I don't think so. Why would they flock their own men? But it wasn't Barabbas. I spoke to him. You must come with us! Come on! Hurry up! Well Caiaphas, another provocation from the disciples of the Nazarene and Barabbas. What did your men do? - Noble Pilate! They wait for us to arrive. It's a delicate moment, and at the temple I ... I should've crucified Barabbas along with the Nazarene. This the action could Jerusalem have become into flames! Give me peace, Caiaphas! Or this city will still burnt to the ground. The body's gone and the people are restless. Will soon have another insurrection in our hands. Now ... Where is the body. I think you know where. Veturius. I have nothing to do with it, nor this his disciples. So you're one of them. You do admit it? Yes. I'm one of them. Well, well, well ... and we've got you right where you belong, haven't we? Back to his cell, where he may rot! Go. But I should warn you, that the Nazarene followers ... have begun to spread a rumor. That we steal the body ourselves? No. That their so-called Messiah, has risen from the dead. Risen from the dead? These people would believe anything. We advise you, to send your centurion, Longinus, away from Jerusalem. If this story should spread, we'll see no end of them! You deal with your own people, Caiaphas! Longinus is in no position to harm to anyone. I've done my duty. Forgive me, Joseph! It's all my fault. I'm gone to get you out of here. Don't think about me. They'll torture you. - Be patient, Thomas. A little while longer, and all will be clear. Will it? Jesus is dead! We've lost! We can't wait for a miracle! You don't believe in miracles? I believe Jesus could have conquered the world ... I don't believe he can conquered death. Conquer death ... A woman says, she... she saw him out the tomb. Is she telling the truth? We're all distraught. I think she "thinks" she saw him. Trust me, Thomas. This isn't over! There's more to come. Quickly, this way! No! There he is! That's him! Don't let him escape! Soldiers! Out the way! Don't let him get away! This way. You speaked with Joseph? - Yes. I've to get to Longinus the Centurion, before he gets killed. Be careful, Thomas. Don't let them catch you! I'll do my best. May the Lord help you find yourself. Want to come with me? I'll give you a good price. No one wants me anymore. I'm sure all they ask is for girls of 12, 13 ... Keep it. Listen, what's this strange story about a dissapearing body? Are you joking? It's all they're talking about in the city. Now they say they're torturing Longinus, Pilate's trusted centurion. Longinus. Do you know him? - Of course I know him. Look, the Romans say he's got out of his mind, but I don't believe it. And then, where's the centurion now? No one knows, friend. No one knows. What about the other soldiers, that were there at the tomb? There's Caius, his first officer. They flaugh him too. I bet you can find him in the baths after that. By the gods! I swear I'll kill someone, if I'm not seen to now! Right now! Easy. Easy. Bastard! Pontius pigget Pilate! 25 years of service, and what did it get me? The bastard could've killed me. All right, all Caius is going to look out for his own interests, now. There's no justice in this world. Jesus of Nazareth ... They tired you out whipping him, two hours plugging ... that's work, hard labor, no? And then, they put you a crucifiction detail ... With no food in your belly. I'm not lying. Look at me, I'm skin and bones. And then they put you guard that tomb all night. And if you don't sag ... then they beat you just for good measure! It's not fair! Why me? The gods may stab it him for poor old Caius. Maybe it was his God, you whipped Him. I'm Roman soldier. He's a Jewish criminal! A criminal? Even worse than the rest of them ... one who wants to be pittied ... like Longinus. he got his ... for being sympathizing. Longinus ... What happened to Longinus? Curious, aren't we? - It's just that ... everybody says, that he knows where Jesus' body dissapeared to. Ah! , too curious, for this not to be a personal. You! I saw you at the tomb! You're one of the Nazarene's followers! Don't! It's just a matter of business. It's a lot of meat for you ... if, you give me the right information. Well, I can even give you the body, if that's what you want. I'll give you whatever you ask for. Well, don't exaggerate, it's just a corpse. This evening, in front of the catacombs. Bring gold! Take fresh this morning. - Look at this. My price is generous so ... Brothers! - Thomas! Mary. Where have you been? - I found him, I found him! I'm going to get him tonight. Thomas! - Joanna! I found him! I'm going to get him tonight. Thomas ... We've seen Him. Right here ... He's alive. He's returned! The Master has risen as He promised. He's truly the Son of God! No, wait! I was ... - We all have saw him. And He spoke to us. Why? Where? When? In this room, at dusk, just after you left ... As we're breaking bread, exactly as we did the night before He died. He came to us, Thomas ... As He said He would. And why did He came ... After I gone? Joanne, did you saw him too? I was with you. Yes! I was searching for him, risking my life, to find him! And when I'm gone, he appears to you. He said, "Go in peace ... as my Father sent me ... I shall sent you to baptize and to spread the word." "In My name, you shall cast out devils ... and heal the sick." "The sins you forgive ... shall be forgiven." And who are you, Simon ... to forgive what they did to our Master? You are allowed to speak in Jesus' name, just because ... you've waited? That all search meant nothing? -Thomas, you need to rest. Be mercyful to yourself. You wish to forgive me too, Peter? So you could do the same, for others. You're such a kind man. Alright. I accept it. You saw Him. - Yes! He stood before you ... But I didn't seen him. I was in the wrong place. I always seem to be in the wrong place. Then take our word for it! I can't. You're just "dreamers" ... or cowards. I believe them. Why won't you? You're looking for something that does not exist. Why don't you see that? I can't! I won't believe until I put my finger ... into the nail-holes into his hands, and put my hand into his side. Then, I would believe. Tonight, I'm going bring back his body. Then, you'll see! - Thomas, Thomas! Why are you searching elsewhere ... for what you have already? Wait that. Fine, put it with the others. Caius? At your service. No, the body first. First the truth. Who's paying you? The owner of the tomb. If you're lying, I'll kill you! Show me the way. Who brought him here? - You're asking many questions! Why? Why here? He's dead, isn't he? They're all dead! New arrivals! Barabbas! We finally got yours, my friend ... you look better dead. This is hell. A weak stomach, a? Here he is. It's not him! - You're mistaken. This is not the Master's body! This is the man. Now you pay me and take his body! Or you wind up in Pilate's hands! Help! Help me! Help ... Come. Why did you saved my life? You know I'll have turn you into Pilate anyway, don't you? Jesus told me to love my enemies. Wait! What can I do for you? Help me find Longinus. They said he's been exiled accross the desert, where they send the mad people. Hurry, if you want to find him alive. Now go! Go! Master? Master! Get away from there! Get back there. Hey, I suppose you want to spend the whole day with these filthy animals, do you. Why you don't come over with us, to have some wine? What about the prisoner? Your prisoner. He's a beast like the others. Come, he's not going anywhere. - Alright, will come. Bread? Bread? Do you know Longinus? Longinus. - Longinus? Do you know Longinus? Who's looking for me? Longinus! Longinus! Look at me! You know me? Who stole the Nazarene's body? I know ... I was there ... no ... body ... Come on. Come with me. It's you ... the mad Jew who wanted to take the body. Yes. Who took him? The light. What do you mean by light? Light ... Sky ... a blaze ... At midnight ... the stone over the tomb ... it rolled away ... Then what happened? I went to the tomb ... on my knees ... And? - He ... was gone. - Gone? the tomb was empty ... Water, please ... water. Here. So much light ... Nazarene ... light ... Blind ... Where am I? Kumran, with the essenes. They hide a Roman soldier? Jesus said that, all men are brothers. But I nailed him to the cross ... with my own hands ... the way, he cried ... "Father ... into Your hands ... I commit my spirit ... Truly ... this man ... was ... the Son of God? ... And I ... I pierced Him with my spear ... His blood went all over me ... I kept the spear head ... at the tomb ... - Yes. You asked me, if I knew ... I found Him ... I haven't ... I'm still searching ... We'll take care of him. Don't worry. A crossed the desert ... to find a blind man ... Why? Why? I don't understand, dear Lord. Why? Why? I know you feel sorrow now, but I'll see you again ... and our hearts will rejoice ... and no one would take our joy from us ... What do you want from me, Lord? Help me to accept it. Help me. Help. Thomas! Thomas! Thomas! I prayed for you! How I prayed to the Lord to bring you back safely! Come inside. The others will be so happy to see you! I can't! I can't. Joanna, I'm leaving Jerusalem ... Please, come with me ... The disciples must stay together now. You know that. - Yes. Why you don't want to see your friends? Friends? What did they've done to you! - Friends? My Friends? What I've talked to my friends? My friends. Thomas ... - I can't face them ... I can't ... -Thomas, I don't understand. What happened to you? What happened to you, down there. Did you find Longinus? Longinus. Longinus ... He told me how ... how he nailed our Master to the cross ... how he whipped ... pierced through ... but he's not the one who caused our Master, all suffering ... I'm the one ... I am the one ... Longinus believes in Jesus ... but I doubted ... I doubted him ... I doubted myself ... I doubted you ... I doubted everyone ... Even my brothers ... That's why you won't see them? I do not deserve ... their forgiveness ... How can they forgive me? There's no place for me amongst Jesus' friends! That's not true! Thomas. Who are you to say that? You're just only ashamed ... about what you did ... You know what you have to do now. Come. Don't be afraid. Come! Peter! Thomas? Thomas! You're back! Forgive me. Forgive me, Peter. Forgive me. You're back! Forgive me, brothers! I was filth with doubt! We all were. Yes, but ... I was without faith. I was searching for something ... I could not ever find ... because ... there was nothing to be found ... We must look for Him amongst the living. Thomas! Joseph! You're free! The prison gates suddently burst opened. He was there. You've seen Him too? You trust us now? Tell me what to do ... Tell me what to do? You're all I've left now. Please, help me! Help me please ... Help me, please! Peace be with you! Thomas! Thomas ... You've been calling me for so long ... And now that I'm here, you won't speak with me? Oh, my Lord! ... Please, forgive me! ... My faith had left me ... Forgive me ... Then I shall give you proof. Come closer. No, Master! I need no proof! I need no proof ... - Come! I believe! - Touch my wounds ... I believe! ... I believe ... Feels my hand ... feel my side ... Do you have faith now? My Lord! My God! Thomas, come, Look at me. Because you have seen, you believe ... Blessed are those ... who have'nt seen, believe ... My Lord! Go in peace. God bless you. God bless you, Peter. God bless you too, Joseph. Joseph. - Be careful. May God be with you. -And with you, my friend. I hope to see you again soon. - Goodbye, James. Joseph. - Thomas. You keep these. No, they're yours. You keep them. No, I don't need them anymore. Have a safe journey. May God be with you. God bless you. We should be going. Joanna ... Thank you. Mother Mary ... Give me your blessing ... Go Thomas! Go! Go and tell the world, what you have seen! Jesus has risen! And now, our hope ... is greater than our fear ... Take a small grain of weed ... when it dies into the soil ... newer weed is to be born ... and it grows, ripens ... Therefore, we must not laid our eyes only in what we can see, but, have faith instead, in what we're not yet able to see ... because, visible things last just for one moment ... while what's yet to be hold, will last forever ... Transcript (by listening): alx359 Don't tell me, you've done something with your hair? I'm happy you're enjoying my humiliation. - I'm happy if you're happy. - Well, I'm not. They're making us wear stupid costumes. - It's not bad. - Yesterday I was a beefeater. Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Ever since that American company took over it's been miserable. Oh. Cramming in more tours, hawking cheap souvenirs - and working longer hours. - Eight Days A Week and... (Chuckles) And... it, er... It's not fair. Don't do that again. No, I'll let it... drop. Thank you. I'm late. I've got to meet some Germans in Abbey Road. Oh! Morning. I'm having the weirdest dream. Dad's kissing a Beatle. Can't you say good morning like a normal person? - I think it's Ringo. - Obviously not. I'll go back to bed and wake up. Earth to idiot, you're not dreaming. Right, and if I was awake could I do this? I'm awake, aren't I? (Music starts) Do you have to watch TV in here? - Am I bothering you? - Yes. Then that answers your question. (Grunting) (Yells) - I give it an eight point five. - More like a three. Three? I had perfect form and flawless extension! But you get a five-point deduction - Mum saw you. Warming up for the arse-kicking finals? That's what you'll get if you do that again. My boss is coming for dinner so I want help cleaning up. - The place looks OK. - Which is why you wear glasses. - This place is a mess. - It looks lived-in. - By a herd of goats. - That was just the one weekend. OK, you heard her. Michael, start cleaning. She said for all of us to help. I know. Don't forget to vacuum. - Hi, Mikey! - I hate this house! Good talking to you too, Son. - Good, you're home. - Ah, I didn't know you cared. - I need you to clean the guest toilet. - Why? The guest toilet is for guests. - We've got a guest. - Scott phoned from the airport. - I invited him for dinner. - Why tonight? Couldn't Scott come round another night? - Who's Scott? - Scott Taylor, my new boss. Oh, I know him as "that cretinous toad". He wants to dine in an English home with English food. What's he coming here for then? I'd love to engage in witty repartee but I don't have the time and you don't have the wit. Susan, did it occur to you that I may have plans of my own? - What are they? - I-I was... going to watch the footie and clean the guest toilet. (Susan) Nick! Love to help but I've got this fake limp. - "Fake limp"? - Sorry, I'm a really bad liar. Get L20 from my purse and take Janey and Michael out for dinner. 20? Do you think 20 will do it? - All right, 30. - (Groans) Only 30? Do I have to remind you of my fake disability? - 40. - (Ben) 50 if you leave now. (Sighs) Another week's work done. - Who's winning? - Winning? What? Oh! The game? Oh, God, it's on! Oh, dear. Must have accidentally turned it on when I was dusting the remote. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I just want everything to be perfect. Mm-hm. - How do I look? - Great. You look so great. Yeah. Dinner's gonna be great. Everything's gonna be great. And if Scott doesn't realise that, he's a fool. It's times like this I realise how lucky I am to have you. Mm-hm. Now give me a hand. Where are we supposed to eat for 20 quid? - I gave Nick 50. - What? Commission. Don't take Michael to a pub. I know better than that. Last time you tried to pass him off as a midget. That's why I know better. Just go, get out, have a lovely time, I love you and don't come back before ten. Come on, do as your mother says. Come on, out! Let's go, everybody out! (Door slams) Ben, this evening is very important to me so you could at least try to put on a happy face. Remember who you're talking to. This is my happy face. Do this for me and tonight... I'll do the thing. Which thing? "The thing" or "the thing"? Both. - You're bluffing. - Can you afford to take that chance? That's better. (Doorbell) Now remember, he's cheap, priggish and he's ruining morale, - so be nice to him. - Mm-hm. - Happy face. - Happy face! Scott, welcome to London! Susan, thank you for inviting me to dinner. Oh, I brought a little something. Oh, tiny, little airline soaps, these will come in handy! Yeah, when we move to Lilliput(! ) My... husband, Ben. Ben, Scott Taylor. Hi, Scott. Heard a lot about you. - All good, I hope? - I certainly enjoyed them. (Car horn honks) That'll be my taxi. I never got around to changing my money. Could you take care of it for me? Of course. Ben will look after it, won't you? (Whispering) Happy face! While you're at it could you bring in my bags? - Yeah. - Thanks, "old chap". (Cockney accent) Not at all, guv'nor. Plinky plonky, blimey! What a great house! I just love English decor. Thank you. I did it myself. The way that nothing matches with anything, it's so garish and so simple at the same time. Then you should feel right at home. So, Scott, how was your flight? Cheap. I traded my first class ticket for one in economy and made myself 2,300 bucks. Ker-ching, ker-ching. Imagine if you flew cargo. If they threw in bonus miles - I would! That cab was 50 quid! 50? ! Boy, you got ripped off. (Happy face.) - Could you open the wine? - I'm going to need something stronger. - I meant for our guest. - Yep. That'll do fine. Ah, I think you'll like this one. It's the Chateau Margaux. Please... I brought the wine. Ah, really. You can never go wrong with British Air Cabernet. No, no. Susan, bring some smaller glasses and a tiny corkscrew. Don't be silly, Ben, they twist right off. They? Oh, I see. Goodness me, mark of a fine wine. Allow me. Here we are, my famous shepherd's pie. Ah, I could eat a horse. Well, this is your lucky day! Mmm! - That is delicious! - Really? Some people appreciate fine cuisine. It's as good as the chicken supreme on easyJet. Oh. Remember, Susan, happy face. So, Scott, I was hoping we could discuss the direction the company is taking. I have some suggestions. Absolutely! I love hearing fresh ideas. Note to myself, Susan may have some interesting ideas. Well, I was thinking we should consider getting rid of the costumes. While they are novel, I feel they actually distract tourists from things they should be experiencing. Interesting. Hold that thought. Note to myself, cancel that last note. Ben, where's the coffee? Coming! Won't be a minute. Take your International London Tour. - What about it? - Look at the itinerary. The Gap store, lunch at McDonald's, Nike Town, followed up by Planet Hollywood. They don't even know they've been to London. That's why you're dressed as a beefeater. There's more to history than stupid costumes. Er, Sue, history is old news. Note to self, this man is an idiot. Sue, we've done the studies. People don't come to England for the history, people come to England to see where Diana died. Then they would need to go to Paris. That's that British can't-do attitude I'm talking about! As opposed to the will-do-anything-for-a-buck attitude? Do you remember who you're talking to? - Yes, I have an attention span! - What's that mean? Perhaps I should put on my sarcastic outfit? - I... I... - What sort of argument is that? - You... you... - Don't try and turn it on me. Coffee! Just to make you feel at home, yours has been stewed, reheated and served in a plastic cup. No, no. No coffee for me. - No? - I feel sick. Your wife has triggered my acid reflux! I know, isn't she marvellous? - I'm gonna lie down. - So those silly costumes... Doesn't she ever stop? Only to reload. I was... I was this close. What, to losing your job? To winning him over. He's on the ropes. He's in our bed. With acid reflux, whatever that is. There is a bright side to this. He's in my bathrobe, using my toothbrush, sleeping on my pillow - that is not a bright side. The longer he stays, the more time I have to convince him that his outlook on life is misguided and his attitude to everything else wrong. He's your boss, not your husband. I know what'll cheer you up. What? The thing that you promised? - No, the sofa's too small. - Oh. Let's pretend that we're out camping, you and I, alone with nature. Look, Ben, look, all the stars are out. Isn't it romantic? Yeah(! ) Look, you can see a crack in the ceiling. Made by the weight of a man sleeping in my bed. There's no point in cheering you up, - I was about to sing a song. - No, don't sing. - # Ging gang gooli gooli... # - Don't sing. Please don't. Stop it! Stop singing and I'll stop complaining. How are you gonna make me stop? ♪ Hayla, Hayla Shayla... - (Giggling) ♪ Hayla Shayla, Hayla... Ooh! (Susan giggles) (Ben) # Shallawally shallawally shallawally ♪ Oompah oompah oompah... ♪ Ooh! - (Door closes) - (Susan) Did you hear that? No. Where was I? Ben, could you move to the right? - (Ben) What? - She said move to the right. What the hell are you doing here? ! Watching telly. What are you doing? Nick, your mother's boss is upstairs in our bed. Is that in her job description? I'm here, you idiot. Scott wasn't well so we let him stay here. Oh. So what do you wanna watch? Nick, shouldn't you be somewhere else? I'm not sleeping with him! Nick, we're trying to... sleep. Yeah. - It's OK, you won't bother me. - Nick, get out! OK, I can take a hint. You want me to leave, right? Has he left yet or has he booked in for another night? Breakfast is ready. You go and wake him. - Me? - Well, he might not be dressed. - Janey, go and wake him. - Ben! Why am I always the one to wake the fat, naked man? - (Knock at door) - Scott! Scott, are you decent? If that's at all possible(! ) Oh, Scott... Scott, can you hear me? (Chuckles) You crude, loud, beached narwhal! Yeah. Oh, I see, what's this then, huh? Didn't exchange our money? Thanks, old chap. Scott? How'd you get home? - Like you care. - I don't, I'm just curious. - (Susan! ) - How does he want his bacon? Erm, I don't think it matters. Wow, check out Dad - looks like he's seen a ghost. God, he was naked, wasn't he? ! Erm, Susan, er... Scott has moved on. He wouldn't have left without saying goodbye. Er, he might. - Michael, go and wake him. - No! I don't want anyone up there, OK? - Ben, what's going on? - He's, erm... he-he-he... he's... - he's... - Superman. He's... For God's sake, he's dead! - What? - Scratch Superman. - Oh, my God! - I didn't want to tell the kids. - A dead body? Here? - That's so awful. And sad. - Where are you going? - I have to tell my friends. Can I have his bacon? I know what he's writing. "She did it." What? What are you talking about? If I hadn't argued with him, he'd still be alive. I feel so guilty. You argue with me all the time and you don't feel guilty. You're not dead - yet. Susan, you didn't do anything. But I had a motive. Anyone who's ever met Scott had a motive. The key to this is to act rationally. Right. Rational. Rational. - I'm going to confess. - Susan... Let's go over the key part again, shall we? - You're right. - We've finished here. I did it! - I beg your pardon? - Forgive my wife, she's a got a psychological disorder - she won't listen. We had a disagreement and then... then I killed him. - See? - Just what did you kill him with? - The full force of my argument. - A blunt instrument. I'll handle this. I've advised my client not to talk without her lawyer. - Who are you? - Her lawyer. I see. So she can talk now. I've also advised her not to talk when I am present. - He's my son. - I never would've guessed. Nick, go away. I'd give you my card but I don't have one. Michael gets all the attention, Nick's an idiot, Mum and Dad never listen to me. - Why are you telling me this? - You asked for a statement. - Janey, who's the fit bird? - Nick, she's a police officer. Me want! - Like you've got a chance. - You're on. Er, Mum, one dead guy and suddenly you've gone goth. Does everything come down to fashion? Well, yeah! Michael, I thought your mother told you to stay downstairs? But the body's upstairs. My investigation indicates cardio-pulmonary attack. Time of death between 2:25 and 3:45. Just let the officers do their job. Actually, he's spot on. - Her name's Stephanie. - You got her number? - What did you say to her? - I had a bomb in my trousers. - That is pathetic. - But it worked. Our first date and she's already felt me up. Susan, you didn't do anything. He died of a heart attack. Which I gave him. If you could argue someone to death, I'd have snuffed it years ago. Come on. How tragic. He went to his grave still believing he was right. Poor Scott. "Poor Scott"? ! What about poor me, eh? I found him, I'm going through the trauma. If this is a competition, Scott's winning. At least he's getting some rest. Y-You don't think he'd... come back, do you? What, so you can argue with him some more? - He had unfinished business. - No, you do. Scott's fine. He's in heaven, dressing the angels as beefeaters. Don't joke! I get the strange feeling there's someone else in here. Yes, there is, me. And I wanna go to bed. Oi! Oi, oi, oi! That's my side. I'm not getting in my side, that's where Scott... No, no, he did not. When I found him, he was on my side. You're lying. I'm not. OK! You can have the dead side! Hop in, Ben! Yeah, OK. Oh, don't be silly! Just get in! So being afraid of ghosts is rational but being squeamish about sleeping on the death side is silly? Look, we're both overwrought, it-it's been a long day, let's just calm down and behave like two rational adults. Like... Right, yeah. It's stupid, stupid, yeah. I'm gonna sleep on the couch. OK? I'll just leave you two alone. - Whooo! - No, Ben! No! (# Gentle organ music in background) It's so small in here. You would think if you're confessing your sins they'd at least make it comfortable. - Welcome. - Oh, hello. - How are you? - I'm fine. - When was your last confession? - I'm new to this. - Forgive me. - All right. That was easy. Shall we get to the confessions then? Right. To be honest, I'm not sure how this works. I've seen films... You tell me your sins and I give you a penance. For instance, have you taken the Lord's name in vain or had impure thoughts? Of course, but that's not why I'm here. I... - I killed a man. - (Excited) Really? - That is a sin, right? - Yes! One of the biggest. - I didn't mean to. - No, of course not. My boss and I were having this... healthy debate about his new company policies. - Yes, yes, go on. - All completely idiotic. - Things got out of hand... - Ooh! - We had an argument and... - And? ! - He had a heart attack. - That's it? - Isn't that enough? - So you didn't really kill him. Yes, I did! The force of my argument was too much for him. - You can't be argued to death. - Yes, you can. - No, you can't. - That's your opinion. - Yes, it is. - You're wrong. In God's eyes you're not guilty. What does He know? If I hadn't talked about those stupid costumes, his heart wouldn't have given out. Surely you can see I'm right? Oh, my God! I just can't stop killing! Father! Father! Have you tried the Methodists? Janey - a little help? Why do you get a new bed and I don't? Next time someone dies in your bed we'll buy you one! I want to get this mattress downstairs. - What's the magic word? - I haven't got time for this. - The new mattress will be here. - Magic word... - Please? - Try again. There's about to be someone else dead. The magic word is "money". Yeah, right! Mikey, give us a hand. She's got a point. We don't work without compensation. - Very funny. After three. - This isn't a sweatshop. - One... - Child labour laws... I'm your father, not your boss. That's just semantics. Pack it in, the pair of you. Help me or I'll ground you for a month. Right(! ) The last thing you want is us hanging around here! (Laughing) Yeah! Right! Just try me. Fine, OK, five quid each? Careful, Janey, careful. - I've got it. - We're almost there. - I've got it, just go. - Steady, steady. - Oh, my God! - What? - I broke a nail. - (Yelling) I spent an hour doing these! Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Janey? Janey? ! You OK? Yeah. Hi, Mikey. Fancy giving your dad a little hand? Sure. Seems like a good time to renegotiate terms. I'll get some cereal so you can consider my offer. Mich... Michael! Michael! (Strains) I don't know why I'm so attracted to you. - There must be a million reasons. - No. Something in your eyes that says... - Amore? - Danger. Yeah, I get that a lot. I'm drawn to danger. That's why I got this job. I've always liked danger too, that's why I got into... whatever it is I'm gonna get into. - Can I ask you something? - Once. But I didn't inhale. Why has your mum got this urge to confess? Mum thinks she talked him to death. - What do you think? - I think you're not wearing a bra. I thought I'd feel better after confession but I don't. Because you've nothing to confess. I'd argue that but I don't want to kill you. Susan, you want me to be supportive and I am, so here goes - you are a very small person in a very big universe and in your wonderful but insignificant life things just happen regardless of what you say, wish or do. When does the support part begin? That was it. I may be a very small person but I have very big ideas. And a mouth to match. That was said with great love. - Really? - Really. So nothing I do matters, hm? Well, there is one thing. (Chuckling) - I was right. - Yeah, yeah, of course. - You're not just saying that to agree? - No, I'm saying it to get my leg over. - No, wait. - What now? - I just felt something. - I should bloody well hope so. Not that! Something... something otherworldly. Well... I do my best. - No, something else. - What? Oh, not him again! It's as if he were still here... in the room! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. I can't do this with someone watching! - I can. - Then do it alone. Look, Susan... All right! OK, OK... I've got a solution to this problem. - Exorcism? - No. It's no good, I still feel like someone's watching. Hey, Mum. Hey, Dad. Have you seen the tool box? - (Ben, muffled) - He said it's in the tool shed. Cheers. Hikaru No GO It's very hard to straight win Of course Every one who has the goal they all try their best to reach it Shindo Waya Come here right after school on Tuesday Okay Shindo, are you in Morishita sansei's study group? Yes, I am How does it feel? You benefit a lot, right? Yeah I want to go to the study group, too But we're play GO all day long You're right But we must take a break from time to time Hey, wanna do Karaoke on the way home? Oh sure. How about bowling after that? All right. Let's invite Isumi, too I'm going to call home All right. See you later I don't need Karaoke I don't need bowling But from time to time, I'd like to play at GO club And if I go here? Here? Yes, you're right That's great Hikaru What's going on? You usually go home right after school You are studying GO at home, right? Of course he's taking serious training Serious training my ass! It's you who wants to play Stop talking about me What about the tournament? The girls are entering, right? The tournament will soon begin Un What do you mean? What about Mitani? Did he really quit? Yeah, I asked him to return many times, but he refused I haven't talked to him much since that day I feel weird bringing up the GO club around him I hope he can change his mind and come back The GO club has become sad Hey, let's play He is probably feels very bored to play with you crappy girls I'll play a triple game, all right? Hikaru, don't come here again It's hurt Natsume was saying that it's earlier Mitani might want to come back one day And if he's here and seeing you enjoying yourself happily He probably won't like it He won't return anymore Hikaru Then just once today Just once Bring out the other boards I'll play with you Hikaru Jeez You guys can put as many stones down as you like No, you're making fun of us I'll put as many as stones I want then How about this? That's all? It's all right That's all? But it's so many Watch this I'm so nervous Thank you very much Hikaru won No, I had that many extra stones He took so many of them And he took them one by one Hikaru, no showing any mercy, are you? I'm always getting my butt kicked by you So now it's my turn Mitani Mitani Mitani Hikaru only came for today I don't care about that I just here to pick up my science notebook that I forgot It's fine. I'll get it tomorrow You must be very happy to get to learn from the great Insei You forgot your notebook Is that true? The last desk near the window Akari Akari Akari Akari I... Nothing Mitani said he's here to pick up his science notebook It's nothing Our class doesn't have science today Damn Sansei has a day off today Stop, Akari Stupid idiot Hikaru Akari I'm sorry. I won't come again I won't come back It was about a year ago Shindo dragged me into the GO club We put up a poster But nobody is coming Mitani didn't come back What should we do? Let's make another poster Last year when we did we caught Mitani You girls have to get back to training for next month's tournament What? We are really entering...? Of course I've already asked the girl from the volleyball club We have three. Let's do our best The girls are lucky I'm the only guy So what can I do? Excuse me... I... I want to enter the GO club Is that all right? Is Mitani around? Hey, Mitani Mitani Well, if it isn't Natsume. What? It's about the GO club The GO club? You're still doing that? With those two crappy girl? They are not so crappy any more They are really learning GO That's not my purpose Yesterday we've got a new member So what? The first grade isn't very strong or anything He's about as good as me But now we have two members So? So if you come back we can enter the tournament Damn, not again Mitani Mitani, will you be our captain? Hey you, the bell has rung Go back to your classroom Don't leave after school I'll be back Natsume Don't bother I ain't coming back Hey Let's start from yesterday's assignment Now we will be doing the experiment on page 47 I want each team to get what they need Watch out! It's not my fault. He... What? I'll clean this mess What's this? Game records? They are keeping track of this They sure have played a lot There are five of them? They have enough members... Crappy girls and Natsume... Koike Hitoshi? And then... Mitani Hey, Mitani What are you doing? Help out! Natsume, you just gave up? Well... Fine, then I'll try tomorrow I'll go with you If we keep on trying good things will happen Yeah, Koike entered the GO club Is this a new poster? Wow, you already made it What do you think? I would like to add something... It's okay. It's great Thank you Mitani Are you going to be the captain and enter the tournament? No What? Why? You don't want to enter the tournament, then what... Are you playing Go with us from time to time? Yeah, that's all That's fine I'll get another GO board Will you first play a double games against Natsume and Koike? I am Koike, the first grade Nice to meet you Then will you play with us Let's show him how strong we've gotten Hi, there Kaneko I came here to knock some rust off I'm sure to enter this year's tournament I felt bad, so I want to practice Now who is the strongest person here? I see So let's play You put the stones on these chairs? I'm waiting You wanna play an even game? It's the first time we've played To judge our strength An even game is perfect If you want me to handicap then say it Hey! Me? You handicap me? So you're quite confident toward yourself Then let's play Come on It's bad for you if I move first Should I handicap you for 1 0 and a half points? You bastard Please don't leave, Mitani I haven't played in a while so it's weird I'm not going all-out either Kaneko's stones are connected well No, Mitani has the advantage so he isn't going out of his way to kill her stones But Kaneko is still much stronger than Koike or I No wonder she was confident Isn't it time you resign? Yeah, you're pretty strong Where is the "I have lost"? There's just some opponent against whom you don't want to admit you lost, you know? But it the basic manner I have lost What do you think about handicapping three stones next time? If you think you can win with three stone advantage then go ahead Those type of statements will come back to haunt you when I start winning Oh yeah we need to record this We finally get to fill in Mitani's notebook It was always blank Don't record this Why not? We have to make one for Kaneko Yeah, make me one I want it written down when I start... beating him over and over Thank you, Kaneko I'm so happy today Kaneko, you're in Hikaru's class, right? Shindo? Please tell him Mitani has returned to the GO club. Don't worry That's all? All right, but Shindo will be absent tomorrow I'll tell him on Monday Absent? He told teacher he has to miss school for some Young Lions Tournament or something Young Lions Tournament? He has tournaments and stuff, leave him be Goodbye Bye Mitani Handicap three stones again tomorrow Who said I was coming tomorrow? Then you'll lose by default Plus why is it three stones? I beat you every game with handicapping three stones If I can't beat you tomorrow, you handicap four stones Who the hell said I was coming tomorrow? Hikaru No GO Is he thinking again? I'm losing One win It's easy to play. Sansei complimented my triple games Faster games might be my speciality A half point win Yes, two straight wins I'm losing Sorry I lost You win Three straight wins I thought I would keep on winning But from next week, losses continued I don't know if I did improve or not Anyway you're moving forward Let's wish him good luck None of my business When does Young Lions Tournament hold? Is Touya there? Is there only Touya Akira in your mind? This month and next month On a Saturday when we don't meet here It doesn't end in one day It's a tournament with 1 6 Inseis and 1 6 young pros The first round is all Inseis against pros in even match, of course But you beat pros That was incredible What are you talking about? If you can't beat a pro you won't pass the Pro Qualifier Test Young Lions Tournament is a good chance to test your strength (Young Lions Tournament) Who isn't here yet? Nozaki, Shindo... Shindo's here You're late Hey, Waya, it's finally the day You sure are excited It's weird... Why are non-top sixteen and group two people here? We can't even watch? We won't cheer you up Sorry, sorry... Where are the pros? Over there Those are pros? It's hard to tell Not many are wearing neckties for this tournament Young Lions Tournament is like a party Hi, guys, long time no see It's Mashiba Did you work hard? Who is he? The Insei who became pro last year Isumi, let's have fun today Please go easy on me Then Isumi... Yeah, Mashiba is his first round opponent Isumi, hurry up and join us pros When you become a pro you lose that nervous Insei feeling You can just enjoy the games Being a pro is great. You have to be a pro to feel it See you later What's with that guy? He's always bragging now that he's a pro God damn it Beat him, Isumi Waya, Shindo Saeki Good thing we're not playing in the first round Morishita's disciples fight with each other, it's cruel Good luck, Shindo Beat Touya Akira Okay See you later Where is Touya? He's not here... Good morning Good morning Seems like you're not the only one with Touya on your mind It's like they aren't even worried about the Insei Especially Murakami If he beat Shindo in the first round he'll meet Touya in the second round My opponent Murakami grade two. Where is he? Which one? There. Third one from the left, wearing the glasses Aren't you a little too nervous? What's with the tight fist? Man, full of sweat Just relax Nobody is expecting anything from you Mr. Sixteenth place Damn Can you be quiet? We will now commence the 9th Young Lions Tournament Now please take your seats These are even games, but Insei will take black It's time. Please begin Please So many Insei will watch be watching? I have to show my ability Since you are an Insei and I'm a pro If I lose easily, it will be embarrassing Please Touya Akira is the focus of this year's tournament He keeps practicing since April What will his performance be? It's weird That's Ogata grade nine Why does he watch the Young Lions Tournament? He's Touya Meijin's disciple He cares about Touya Akira Does he? Touya Akira plays great since he's a pro The games are against with Inseis There's nothing to worry about It's strange The Murakami grade two? No, that Insei That one? Yeah, at the Beginner Dan Series... What about Touya? An audience again? How about ending the game like that? No What? Touya knows this playing He won't end like this They are fifty and fifty If they enter the last round It's a tough game But why Ogata grade nine... will watch that kid playing? Is there any specialities about the kid? Hey... Touya Akira is over there Seems like the one you are interested in is Hikaru You watched Hikaru blurt out that saving hand at children's tournament, didn't you? Be quiet Ogata sansei And you also saw the few hands Hikaru played against Touya Sai You... That was both me I play with Hikaru every day It's fun on it's own You are also a GO player I would like to play with you at least one What is your strategy? In the past, I have played many games against many people As Fujiwarano Sai As Honinbou Shusaku This is making me think of that The thousands of stones arranged on the boards I remember them all even now I remember even the cold of the stones A table has opened Why don't we play, too? It is tough having no body It's so painful No, I must thank God for even meeting Hikaru I must not be selfish How is Hikaru? You should watch closer Because one day, he might become A ravel to you, and to everyone here His opponent may be a pro But from what I see, he isn't different from the Insei Though I can't be confident how well Hikaru can play against him right now But that's just "right now" Keep watching One day, he'll be stronger Hikaru, that's a mistake As I was saying, he is not there yet You just happened to see this one game I play with him every day, so I know Hikaru's vision is expanding His playing is improving greatly He's growing in all area Yes, of course, he still makes mistakes Like what he just did... but... That mistake has been turned into a great hand At that point, it was a mistake. He transformed it into a strong hand Hikaru All right You rushed way too much here Yeah Don't try to play very fast Playing fast is good but you need to know when to take your time Look like you won, Tajima Your mouth is open Oh, Geez Well, guess I'll watch Touya Ogata grade nine is here, too What is it? There doesn't seem to be anyone worth watching over there Well, where's Touya? I will go watch Isumi So? I lost Not you. It's Isumi I lost Thank you very much You've gotten much stronger I hope you can pass the Pro Qualifier Test this year Yeah, I've gotten stronger It's been two years since you were an Insei, Nakayama I came here to win today How about Touya? Touya's game is still going on Excuse me I lost but I've tried my best The pros... I have to pass this year Yeah, how about Isumi? Waya... As you can see, Isumi has the advantge Mashiba keeps attacking Isumi held him off well Isumi is incredible Mashiba got what he deserved No, continuing to play like this will not bring me any closer I have lost Thank you very much What? It's over? Yeah, it seems like he won without even trying Saving himself... for the next game? Damn, because of the crappy Insei we can't judge Touya Akira's strength I have lost Thank you very much It was Isumi's pace from the beginning Yeah, you're right I thought Mashiba would do better You can't tell which one is pro Beating me here is meaningless Being the top Insei is useless if you can't even pass the Pro Test Isumi, the Pro Qualifier Test last year Though you beat me but you didn't pass, right? You can't pass this year No matter how many... Waya You bastard! What the hell are you doing? Waya, stop it You asshole, don't go Isumi, Waya... Touya Akira finally turns around but it's too late He didn't see Hikaru's earlier brilliance But will Touya Akira notice... by looking at the board now? Can he see that through? Hikaru No GO Hikaru, it's a bad hand The mistake has been turn into a great hand At that point, it was a mistake and drew the opponent in (Kuwabara Honinbou) Yeah, how is Shindo? Touya and Ogata Sansei It's about six and a half points That's huge difference. Six and a half points? The pro is great indeed Thank you very much Shindo Waya It's such a pity But I benefit a lot Good How about Touya? He defeated me Really? I am really want to play a game with him He saw it He saw your game He seems very regret How did you know I was here? You come here from time to time, I just thought... You win in the Young Lions Tournament, right? But I can't see yourjoy I can see that you are very worried... It's for Shindo, right? Yesterday's tournament you left right after... I want to ask you Maybe I thought you would ask me earlier The same fish-food I always get, please Ogata sansei I have to leave my house for my challenge to Kuwabara sansei It's very tough to win a title But if I don't do it soon Touya Akira is going to rise up and grab one before me You want a ride home? Or should we go for some sushi? Ogata sansei Please tell me about Shindo's game yesterday Did...did something happen? What is it? The only thing I saw was Murakami pro pushing Shindo around at the end of the game And the difference was 6 and a half points as you saw If he dominated that much and it's only 6 and a half points Then it must have been even up until that point Has Shindo gained that much strength? As you saw Ogata sansei, what I want to know is... The strange way the stones were I can't imagine how that shape happened Something must have happened What did Shindo do? Get on Why don't you ask Shindo's opponent? I did You ask me how was Shidno? Why are you concerned with the guy who lost? I was the winner The 1 6th ranked Insei is nothing I will be played with you next So why don't you worry about me? And after that he got crushed by you in the second round Poor guy Ogata sansei, please tell me. Shindo is... I thought you weren't interested in Shindo That's great His hand... That mistake has been turned into a great hand That's terrible At that point, it was a mistake and drew opponent in then he transformed a mistake int a strong hand Relax You'll get your answer soon enough in two months The Pro Qualifier Test? Yes, the path you walked last year He will finally walk It feels like the normal Insei studying time The Young Lions Tournament, it was just like a dream By the way, yesterday's Young Lions Tournament The only ones to win in first round is Isumi, Ochi and Odachi And only Ochi won in the second round It's hard to get to the third round It's a few But Waya, your first game was such a pity You made some great hands Sansei complimented you Ochi's incredible. I can't defeat him these days Isumi About even, I guess I'm even, too. I match up well with Ochi Do you know? About Ochi... When he lost, he locked himself in the bathroom Bathroom? I noticed it recently But whenever he loses, he heads straight for the bathroom And? And you can hear him tapping the wall and mumbling to himself If he loses in Young Lions Tournament, he will do the same You can hear the sounds of tapping wall What's he doing? It's weird I bet he'll be angry even losing to a pro Then he'll tap the wall Please Ochi's my opponent this afternoon Good luck, Shindo Send him to/ he bathroom You're probably lacking a little strength You lost by the tournament by six and a half points Too bad you didn't get to play with Touya But I got stronger yesterday I want to become stronger I want to play more I want to play more Games like yesterday! More! I will become stronger I... Sorry, Fuku The person Ogata grade 9 and Touya Akira were watching... was Shindo? Thank you Looks like Shindo will be a tough opponent... this summer This summer? The Pro Qualifier Test What? Do you forget? It's the greatest goal of Insei After you pass the Pro Qualifier test, as you wanted you'll get to play tons of excited games When that time comes, all of us here will be fight each other for wins So Shindo's playing against Ochi this afternoon? I'm up against Fuka I can't keep losing to him This must be fun Asshole What? You're still weak against Fuku? Yeah, I just can't seem to win Komiya was saying he's weak against Fuku, too I don't think so Isumi Shindo, let's go Why did you suddenly stop like that? Something about Kuwabara sansei? Kuwabara Sansei? What? You don't know Kuwabara sansei? Man! What's wrong with you? He is Honinbou... Kuwabara Honinbou Kuwabara sansei, anything wrong? No, nothing I just...felt a strange presence Did you see a ghose? No, it was a child An Insei, right I'll remember him Honinbou has been a name given to those strong at GO for many years And when the Shouwa Era began, the Honinbou Tournament was established and winner gets to use the Honinbou name There are Kisei Tournament, Meijin Tournament and others But the Honinbou one is the oldest You hear? That geezer is a Honinbou I don't like it... Right now, Ogata grade 9 is challenged Kuwabara Honinbou Ogata sansei? It has 7 series, but they don't play games consecutively Ogata sansei won the first game and game two is this week For each title, there's a two-year preliminary and the winner of that gets to challenge the title holder Two years? You really don't know anything You should study the GO world a little I'll learn it when I become a pro Bastard I want to play I'll become stronger I want to play more There you want to use large Keima not the small one The large Keima? Small Keima seems fine though If large Keima were 1 00 points then the small Keima would be 99 points Up until now, small Keima has been fine With small Keima, the game will advance in a simpler manner and it's harder to make a mistake While with Large Keima, things become complicated. Making a mistake is easier Yeah But you have to overcome that from now on Huh? What's wrong? Am I stronger? Yes, I'm stronger after the Young Lions Tournament Why? Touya plays in that room just like I do We play there each Tuesday and the second Sunday Touya is a pro He plays here at Wednesday or Thursday Though we don't meet But I can play GO in the same place like he does I felt excited I must work hard for the Pro Qualifier Test in summer Yeah, the summer will arrive soon Touya is also... Hokkaido? Hi, Ogata Did you just arrive? Yes, Hokkaido is closer than it seems Hey, how about skipping the celebration and let's get something to drink No, I'm not interested Isn't that Kuwabara Honinbou? Who is he? Do you have a blank sheet? And a pen? You sure are vigorous especially we are about to play the second game tomorrow You seem a bit stiff Are you Kuwabara sansei? Yes, I am Could I please get an autograph from you? I'm your faithful fan If a geezer like me is popular then the Japan GO world is in trouble Isn't it? Ogata? Ogata? How about that? Thank you Thank you You defeated me in the first game, Ogata But I won't lose this time It's not easy for you to taking the Honinbou title from me Kuwabara sansei A new wave is coming to the GO world A new wave? I can feel it Soon a new wave of young players will arrive in the GO world Yeah? When that happens, I want to be there to face them As a title holder Sanseis, the party is ready now Please follow me I can't go out now it's all because of you Good morning Good morning Hey, do you know? Touya rose to grade two Really? Touya Soon I'll catch up with you, Touya Yeah, he have lost. That's great Shindo improves a lots since the Young Lions Tournment I can't look down upon him Kadowaki? Really, Waya? Kadowaki is...that Kadowaki, years ago achieved the three crowns of Student Meijin Student Honinbou and Student Juuketsu? Isumi, you know him well He's hot in GO world But Kadowaki I heard the news from the internet Kadowaki wants to attend this year's Pro Qualifier Test Hikaru No GO As you saw it at the game Ogata sansei, what I wants to ask is... The strange way the stones are I can't imagine how that shape happened Something must have happened! What did Shindo do? That mistake has been... turned into a great hand Incredible guy At that point, it was a mistake Relax You'll get your answer soon enough in two months Is it the Pro Qualifier Test? Yes, the path you walked last year He'll... Kadowaki is...that Kadowaki, years ago achieved the three crowns of Student Meijin Student Honinbou and Student Juuketsu? Isumi, you know him well He's hot in GO world But Kadowaki... (Ogata versus Honinbou) Since the college Meijin Tournament I haven't been here Yeah It's me I've just arrived I miss here so much Remember... When you cost us that team game I've told you, I'll take the Pro Qualifier Test It's true I prepared all the paperworks By next year, I'll be a GO professional You've better ask for that autograph now Goodbye Sound like this Kadowaki could be tough But is he really takeing the test? I saw on the internet that he "might" We Insei better do our best Last year the only Insei to pass is Mashiba There will be some strong outsiders We'll have to watch out for Kadowaki Damn, Insel brats talking about me without realizing I'm here Saw on the internet? Must be him Excepting big things from me? No problem I'm losing What does he laugh at? He is so weird. Disgusting! Thank you very much One doesn't lose his ability for GO even after not playing for a while But I should remove some rust Sensei yelled at me Because you resign too early? Who is he? He is quite strange Are you...a Insei? Yes I'll warm up a bit before turning in the application The Pro Qualifier Test is coming soon Are you going to take it? Uncle, who are you? Uncle? Well yeah, most guys become pros in their teens At 26, I'm an old man I have some confident in my ability How about a game? What? Right now? It's still light out I just want to warm... test my strength All right, let's play Sai Wow, they have place like this here This is where the public plays Don't you know? Hikaru You play I won't run into him again so there's no problem He says he wants to test his strength so he's probably pretty good You have the first hand, Sai Now I have played with someone other than Hikaru Nice to meet you Sai This is the first time since that internet game against Touya Don't think too long I wanna go home before nightfall I understand The top-right star In two minutes The first day will end Kuwabara sansei will be sealing the game This is the seventh Honinbou Tournament Two months ago, Ogata sansei he won the first game It seems like he would run away with the title But it's come down to this seventh game Kuwabara sansei is very strong But Ogata sansei is much more intense This sure speaks to the value of experience It's... It's time. The person who has the next turn will seal the game It's been thirty minutes Go manuals Yes Here Yes I'm starved. It's time for dinner They are a great eel place near here Hey, the record guy, you come, too Yes. Thank you I'll go change, please wait for me in the lobby You're coming, too, right? Kakimoto As soon as I put this the hotel's safe I'll be there Ogata, come with us No, you go ahead I'll be right there Ogata In your heart, do you already think you won the title? Don't be silly The game has just started Exactly, it will come down to tomorrow By the way, did you seal the game properly? That was your first time doing it, right? This Honinbou Tournament final is your first time playing games over two days And I have sealed the first six games What are you trying to say? I just hope you didn't make a mistake A mistake? Humans make mistakes? It's even happened once before This is the high stressful title game Did you get nervous sealing the game... for the first time? You have stress, right? Did you get confused on where the stones are? Is it A, or B? You might know it was A but accidentally write B? Your mind must be tired from playing game all day long Can you be certain that you didn't make a mistake? Did he purposely prevent me from having to seal any of the first six games? I don't think it's for all six But combined with some coincidences Was he creating a small trap to unravel me? Are you starting to worry? Geezer Now, it's time for dinner You earlier said that you felt a new wave was coming to the GO world Did you just say that? Sounds very interesting It's too early for me to leave From a top this Honinbou Throne I also want to wait for that wave I'm losing Thank you very much He is so strong Are you really a Insei? Shit Wait Sorry, I'm in a hurry How long have you played GO? A thousand years What is it? I quit And you heard me I underestimated things No, no Idiot, you wouldn't understand I'm going to return for a year I say I'll take the test next year And I'm taking it seriously. Very seriously It's time. Please start 3-12 3-12? He's after the left side Different strategy from what I was thinking Ogata, did you sleep well last night? Was there something happened between Kuwabara and Ogata Sansei I have no desire to listen the ramblings of an old man You will step down from your Honinbou throne A new ear is about to begin You and Isumi don't have to be in Pro Qualifier prelims Is that true? The top 8 ranked Insei get a pass Last year I was 9th. It sucked Yeah I rose up to the 7th this month Sorry, it's the top 8 over the last three months I see This is the last Insei day The prelims start immediately during the summer vacation Good luck! The main event is in next month I'm waiting for you Let's go Yeah I'll go to the toilet Shindo is laughing Does he know we are his opponents? Ochi? I beat him Everyone is serious Only three pass the test I won't lose Shindo, it's impossible for everyone to enter It's about time I have finally come this far Your test just begin I know that But anyway, I'm here The Pro Qualifier Test. The first day... Heikas heikas estei biberoi. El erohim erohi erohim. Savant erohim. Eiehay Eiheyaja. Eiehay ado night. Ya shadie tetora. Gramaton shadie! Agiosu oh heikas. Iktron ah thanatos. Agura amen! You are the sacrifice. You will feed the power of the demon. Why? As the sacrifice dies, please bestow upon us the power of the dark gods... Oh, sacrifice... Give us the power to control the demon's mischief. Oh, sacrifice... May you open the door of heaven... Open your door... May your prince... ...open your eternal door. The king of glory will enter. The eternal king is a king of kings... God is a king of glory. Father, son, and holy ghost. Why me? Jesus Jesus, Nester Jesus. Jesus Jesus, Nester Jesus. Jesus Jesus, Nester Jesus. Jesus Jesus, Nester Jesus. Jesus Jesus, Nester Jesus. Jesus Jesus, Nester Jesus. Jesus Jesus, Nester Jesus. No! Minase! Oh hey, lmari. What's up? Minase, let's eat lunch together. What? Did you already eat? Well, you were in the bathroom so long... Is that so? You ate it during class, didn't you? The school bell just went off, you couldn't have... ...finished such a big lunch already. What is that? Nothing. Did you bring two lunches? Kind of... I have to go. Where are you going? That's none of your business. You have some rice on your face! Come in. Excuse me. Welcome. Teacher, what did you want to talk with me about? Ms. Ito, have you eaten yet? N-No, not yet. Really? Then... I'll treat you. Ero erohim ero erohim zabatoerio. Teacher, Teacher Kitami... I feel kind of strange... It's very hot down here. Teacher, stop! It's so bad... That's true. I'm being bad. Then, I'll stop this! No. D-Don't stop it. You want it or not? You decide. Don't stop it... Say, "Please don't stop it." P-Please don't stop it. Don't stop, please. Say, "I want you." l-l-l-I want you. Good girl... It's so good! Your hole feels so good! Teacher! Teacher Kitami, you're so good! Do you like the taste of my member? It's yummy... Very delicious... Then, I'll let you eat more... I'll give you every last drop. Teacher... Teacher, Kitami... This one isn't a virgin, either... I have to find an unspoiled body... ...before the night of Walpulgiss... All this mischief... I thought so... It shouldn't be this way... Minase! Rika Shiraki... I'm sorry, I'm late. I had a student council meeting. N-No problem. Did you write this? Since yesterday... ...I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. S-Shiraki... I think only about you... I can't breathe... Minase. Minase... Make love to me... Please, right now. I can't stand it any more. S-Shiraki... Minase, you don't like me? That's not it... Actually, I've longed for you. I'm so happy... Touch me... Don't make me wait... Please... Minase... It feels so good. Minase. Please rape me, right now. Please... Minase. Hurry... That's a good look... I didn't know you were so horny. It's because of you. You made me like this. I can see your special place. No. I'm embarrassed. You're a girl with a cute face, but you smell so strong. No, don't smell down there. Minase, stop it. But, it smells very good. Really? Yeah, I could smell it forever. I'm so happy... Shiraki, lift your hip up. Okay. It's done. Will it work? I don't know... You don't know? No way! I pricked my finger on a needle for this! If Saeki can't do it, then I probably won't be able to. True. It would be too weird if Saeki tried doing this for her. Not Minase, though... Imari, you shut up. I'll enchant the charm now. Charm? Murai. Afterword, put it secretly in Asada's bag. Y-Yeah. All right. Eroi erohim eroe zabato. Elion eshelsadoni ya. Yatetoragramaton sadi. Minase! Emergency! Asada! They suddenly started... Asada was walking with his girlfriend... ...but when he met Murai, he confessed his love for her. But they just started doing it as soon as he confessed? That's strange, really strange! Really! What are you guys doing? Stop it! Shiraki... Where do you think you are? Let go! What are you doing? Get your hands off me! Murai! No, let me go! Asada! Everybody, don't just watch, help us! Shiraki. Minase. Minase, please come inside me. Shiraki... I can feel you inside of me. It feels so good, even though it's my first time... I feel good, too... You're so good... Harder, harder... Minase. You're too tight, I'm coming. Wait. I'll... I'll come soon... I'm coming. I'm about to... l-I have to take it out. No! Come inside! But... It's okay! Give me everything! Fill me with your come! Good... It's so good, Minase. Hey, Minase, let me look at it. No... Oh, is your drawing bad or something? That's not true. I just haven't finished yet! Come on, it's fine. I told you not to... The drawing is good, but... What's this? I draw what I see. You could have told me first! Minase, lmari! Teacher Takashiro... You guys really are the perfect couple. Hey, Minase... What? What's up? No... Never mind. Teacher Kitami... What are you doing here? Well, I was looking for something... Do you need any help? No thank you. Any signs of power are well hidden... Could it be? Yesterday... What? What happened to Murai yesterday... That was a weird coincidence, right? Of course. Saeki actually believes in magic, but she even said it was a coincidence... What's wrong, lmari? Saeki... Saeki... Minase... I have to talk with you. Well... Then, I'm leaving. You don't need to. Thanks, Ms. Imari. S-See you... Minase... You always deny the existence of magic, right? Yes. But you used it yesterday... ...on Murai... And... ...on Shiraki, today... Sorry, but President Shiraki would never really fall in love with you. This is my house. Come on in. What are you, a black magic fangirl? Is this really the room of a young woman? Don't talk like my parents. You can relax. There is no one except us. So, what's the story? I want... ...your secret. I don't have any secret. Liar. You're using love curses to... ...manipulate the hearts of others and give orgasms. Without some kind of secret, you couldn't do it. Minase... Have you heard about the magic club there was twelve years ago? It's only a rumor, right? Their magic was just simple at first... But... However... They got deeper and deeper into it... They tore up animals to give their blood and souls to the demons... I don't believe it. They performed ancient arcane ceremonies... And finally... On the night of Walpulgiss, twelve years ago. I'm leaving. Wait, Minase. I don't know what a Walpulgiss is. I'm not interested... I can't deal with it. Wait! Don't cheat on me. I'm sure you're using magic... I told you that was a... Coincidence? Minase... Tell me your secret... Please... I'll pay for it... I wonder what Ms. Saeki wanted to talk to him about. Minase has been acting strangely... Tell me... ...your secret. Hey... Don't ask now... You promised you'd tell me if I did it... You said you'd make me come. I could open the window and shout! Please, continue. I have a magic book... What kind of book? It's not like the books in this room. More... More like an original, hand-written book. How did you get it? Can I see it? Hey, where is the magic book, now? In... In the bag. Thank you, Minase. How do you like it, Minase? Is it good? Your breasts are so soft... It feels so good... Come, come... ...all over me! Then take my car. And listen to that stupid music all the time? You never want anything my way. - That's not the point. I'm not a fucking babysitter. - That's just not the point. I haven't been alone for one second yet. Well Laurens, don't let them drive you crazy. Have a nice holiday. - I'd rather walk than drag her along. I'm all set. Will you take good care of Laurens? I can help. Nice friends she's got. Where do you think all that money comes from? Colombia. Hey, Costa losers. Checking out how to do your job? - We wouldn't do that here. Are you wearing those silly clothes again? Hilarious. But we won the contest with those clothes, didn't we? Two years in a row. Winner of the MTV Dance Contest. This year we'll kick your ass one more time. That guy is good. - Too good. That's a professional. - Easy. Where did you find him? Rent-a-faggot? Is it true? He handed out two flyers today. That makes him a runner. I think you're fantastic. Is there some action around here? Goodmorning. Goodmorning, princess. Shit, did we... - No, Frida just lives here. So what are we going to do today? - Don't you have a plane to catch? I'm not leaving till next week. Next week? Cosy. Didn't she tell us she was going to leave today? You have to check those things. They get smarter every summer. I figured you out. Waiting till the last day. I think she'll make a lovely bride. Who? - Antwerp. Rens, are you having a serious relationship now? Dear Frida, if I ever get married, you'll be the one to say 'yes'. I thought you were gone. - I missed the bus. Sure you did. Where are you going to sleep? Give mama a call anyway. What are you doing, Ted? - Hey, Ted. Going on a holiday? I don't think we can beat the Empire. - But of course we can. The Costa is on a losing streak. Ian is not handling it right. I just want to keep on working. Is that so strange? So you're joining the Empire crew? Damned, you fool. Fucking asshole. Hey, that's mine. I thought we were friends? No friend of mine works at the Empire. Give me a break. Asshole. - You piece of Dutch shit. We got ourselves a spare bed. And what are we here for? - I guess for the boys. Janet? I think we have to turn left here. You nearly got us killed. Look at that. You wanted to be there before noon. - My hair. I drove just like dad would do. Except for just now. Hey, gorgeous. Shouldn't we bring our stuff up first? I thought you wanted to do that. You're the creative one. Beer and coke for 500 pesetas. Try that one, Bart. Tommy, what do you think? - The blonde one is the cutest. You want to be a runner, don't you? What do I do with the other two? - Play them off against each other. Before you talk to them, watch them carefully. Take that girl. What do you see? - There's a whale chasing me. Tits. - No. Look closely. See those rings? Real gold. They want more than just rum coke's. But she's vain, so she'll respond to compliments. What am I going to talk about? - Keep it simple. No politics. Easy things. Go for it. And not about sex right away. No, Tommy. Never. Not just now. Not untill you've got some experience. Like me. Icecreams. Don't touch them. She licked them. Here you go. - Thanks. Is anyone coming for a swim? Is no one going to swim at all? Fine. Whatever. - Is she going to be like this all week? We should have got our own appartment. She will do her thing soon. - That's exactly what's bugging me. I'm Bart. - Sit down. Did you arrive just now? - Is he with you? Are you beautiful girls going to do exciting things tonight? We'll probably be watching TV. Don't I know you from somewhere? - It's too busy here. Shall we leave? Come on. My parents aren't home. Did we miss one? Forget it. They're dykes. Is that everything you've got? - So what were you going to say? Nice rings. Beautiful gold. - Get away. I was doing great, man. - She thought you were gonna mug her. Come to the Costa club. I'll make it up to you. Cute thing. Saw him looking at me? Do you like it? It's beautiful, right? Are we done here? Let's go. Nice. - That really suits you. Take your pants off. - My pants. Why? Because you can see them through the dress. My turn. Please. Is this necessary? This music is too silly. - Is this how it's going to be? We'd take turns with the CD's. We agreed to that. Red wine on white? That's hopeless. - Use some salt. So where are we going? - We? I'm going with Joyce and Maureen. - The three of us. Wear the golden one. The black one is beautiful too. The three of us always go out together. A fine sister you are. - Sorry. I have got to watch it. Feel it, fat as a pig. Let me feel those. Women love them. I told you so. She is leaving tomorrow. - What a shame. That's the best thing a girl can tell you. Back in school we already had those losers around us. Not that Janet is a loser. Shouldn't we have taken her along, on the first night? She'll scare all the boys away. Red wine; that stain will never come off. My hair. It looks terrible. Little boys. I thought there were only cute boys here. You're here because mama said so. Don't screw it up. Hey, gorgeous. Where are your friends? - Off with some guys. Are you all by yourself? If you feel like having a good time, you should come to the Costa club. Only cute boys. If you give this to the doorman before one o'clock, you'll have free entrance. I might just do that. - Then you won't be alone tonight. I'd like to keep you company. I like you. - I'm not that desperate. I'm with them. She's not with us. - Don't be silly. You guys want a drink? - Please. On three we're off to the swimmingpool. Wait a minute. Those two look familiar. I've got the same hair. I do. - A little, yeah. That's the boy who came to me earlier. Strong arms. Look at the way he's lifting her. He's looking at me. Now. Shall I take a look at it? I'm a vet. All those joints look alike. Do you know her? - That's my sister. It's not broken, but severely sprained. Good evening, ladies. You want a drink? - I told you so. You're really good. - Really? Thank you. Do you work here? - Yes. It's been fun. Can I get you something to drink? No. You? - Strawberry Marguerita. Are you a dance teacher? - A dance teacher? What is he doing? - Asking if she's got a nice sister? Rens, what are you doing? She can help us with our act. - But we're doing fine, right? If we want to win... - Since when are you lan? I'm just saying we have to work harder. - Rens is right. You guys hear anything? I want to get her on the show. That chick is weird, man. - But she is a great dancer. She's full of ideas. - I really don't like this. Do you really wanna dance with someone like that? I think about my reputation, don't worry. She's a great dancer. We use her for that. I'll smoothtalk her. You get us some real babes. Hi, ladies. Never mind. Tommy, that's the big Belgium guy... - Hey, guys. Girl. You desperately want to win, right? The club that wins gets free publicity on MTV? I'm Rens. - Janet. Thanks. - You're welcome. I'll walk you home. - That way. I would use completely different music for the contest. Like what? - Eurovision Songcontest songs. Do you know Ding-a-dong? Noone knows those lyrics. - Because that contest is for wimps. What was our entry in 1995? We didn't compete that year, thanks to Willeke Alberti. And the winner of 1974? - Sweden. ABBA. And 1986? - Belgium. Sandra Kim. 2000? - Holland. That thing with Enschede. So the songcontest is for wimps only? You wimp. Silence, damn it. - Excuse us. Remember this one? Year? - No, that is too easy. I can't sleep. That's cute. You got any coins left? Any coins? - Coins, no. No, but... I'm already there, I think. Will you help us out? On one condition. - Which is? That you never do this again behind my back. You saw that? That's a promise. Sorry. That's okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Did you see that? They shook hands. He only shook her hand. You can forget about him. He shook her hand. Where have you been? - Just here. Just thinking. About what? - Nothing. There are two naked girls in your bed, and you disappear. Something must have happened. Tell me. This has never happened to me before. So what? It's likely to happen to any boy. Not that. Of course not. That never failed me. - Sorry. I wasn't enjoying it. - Not enjoying it? It's possible, right? - It's strange, Frida. Very strange. Have they gone already? - No. They're probably still waiting for you. Ian wants us to work at the beach today. There are still not enough people. I can't make it this afternoon. - Why not? You can't do that to lan. Tell him I'm working on the act, okay? Why is he constantly hanging out with Janet? To be close to me of course. Otherwise he would have nailed her. Men are just not straightforward. Where are you going? Is Janet around? Come here. Are you coming? - Yes, where are we going? What are you gonna do? - It beats me. Are you afraid of heights? Let's go. - Can I trust you? Open your eyes. You're there. Like it? Stretch. Keep it stretched. I want you to join in tonight. You have to replace Frida. I don't think I can do that. - And what about yesterday? That wasn't serious at all. So be 'not serious' tonight as well. Don't worry, you can do it. Hang around some more. You always leave so soon. We come here for the free drinks and then we go to the real clubs. Will it ever work between us? - No, you give me a rash. So I do have an effect on you. Wanna dance? Are you okay? I mean your foot. Yes, thank you. Is it true they have someone else every week? Who? The runners? No. They have someone else every night. And what about you? - The boyfriends I have every summer? The first year, six of them. Within a month I was 'slut of the boulevard'. Someone who brings a guy home every night. And now? I don't want a boy who's just looking to score. I'd rather have a buddy. Care for another drink? Yes, but don't I keep you from work? This is my work. The same? I quite liked her, that... - Janet? Nearly as good as Frida. Her face is so happy. Is this about Janet? What is she doing on stage? - Dancing. Everybody thinks she is a bit strange. Didn't you hear the applause? - I don't understand Rens. It's up to you. You're on stage with her. Is it true? Do we look silly? - I thought it was pretty good. We make fools of ourselves. Did I frighten you? - No, I didn't notice you. Are you enjoying yourself? I have seen you dancing yesterday. You are really good. - Really? Everybody thinks she is weird. She embarrasses us. Everybody? - Yes. Who is everybody? - Everybody. Are you living together? - Rens and me? For a year now. He didn't tell me that. - He is a runner. He has to talk girls into the Costa club. Works best if they think he's single. I'm not involved with her. - You're always with her. That's because of something else. Because of what? Do you have a boyfriend? You're getting sunburnt. Need some oil? I don't know where you've been with your hands. Where is Janet? - She went for a swim. Next time you got it coming, girl. He is taking advantage of you a bit. But he doesn't mean it like that, he just wants to win. Well, it didn't seem that way yesterday. Let me guess. Did he take you to the beach near the big rock? That's so typical for Rens. He feels ashamed again. I don't see why. He is always busy with his image. It's a remote area where he won't be seen with you. And you're such a nice girl, right? See you tonight? - I can't make it. That's a shame. Come on, Rens. What's the matter? What is he doing? - Talking to his pimple. Did I do something wrong? - No, you didn't. What's wrong? - I just fell for it. Playing the sensitive type. I thought you were honest. The girl only needs to dance. You should have told me... Gross. Will you be there tonight? He's using you. - What do you know? He can get anyone he wants. A guy like that is bound to have a girlfriend. What's keeping you so long? I thought we had a date. I'm not coming. - I'm here on my knees, at your door. Shouldn't you be at the Costa? Shouldn't you be there? - Without you? You've done that for years without me. Since I have danced with you, I can't do it without you. I mean dancing. I was looking forward to it... but if you don't want to. - Why should I go with you? Why is dancing so important to you? - I feel good on stage. Come on, let's go. - You're doing it again. That runner talk. So, what else do you do? - None of your business. I mean when the season is over. - None of your business. Well? I'm a windowcleaner. You're laughing. - No I'm not. You are. - No, I'm not. Out of choice? - That's not something you choose. I partied too much. I never finished school. You gotta make money, right? So there you are, cleaning windows in the cold and wet weather of Holland. You know everybody is looking and laughing at you. Even worse, they pity you. - What about your parents? They don't want to see me anymore. Well, my mother does, but that asshole doesn't. If I didn't make it to law school, I could just leave. So I did. I went to Spain and started one big party. Then that funny Danish guy came up to me... he saw me dance and let me stay. 'Do you believe in the dream? ' I was happy to. He gave me the feeling I was worth something. Although I realize that is just rubbish. My father is right, I am a loser. - No, you're not. I wish I was so self-assured and brave like you are. Sure, it is very brave to run away. I did the same, by coming here. My mother has a boyfriend and wanted to dump me... so she asked me to go to Spain with my sister. I didn't say no. I thought it would be nice. My sister brought along these friends of hers. Real bitches. They bully me all the time and I'm too chicken to do something about it. Then I start to doubt myself. Do I attract too much attention? Do they think I'm silly? The more I doubt, the sillier I get. Silly, right? And your friends? I have no friends. - Why not? Don't know. We make a nice couple. A windowcleaner and a brace-face. Shall we dance? - Let's dance. Cool. - That lift. And especially the second turn. You got a minute? - Now? It's important. - Okay. I'll be right back. What's up? Why are we fooling ourselves? What do you mean? You and me. All the girls you take home. I'm right next door... thinking of you. At breakfast we pretend that nothing happened. You're my dearest girlfriend, aren't you? Maybe that's not enough. Rens, I can dance again. We can dance together, again. You don't need her. - You mean Janet? We have got the routine down. Wait till after the contest. Recovered from last night? - Only just. It was fun. Will you be there tonight? - Of course. Then we'll dance. See you tonight. What? - What are you doing? I hung out with these guys last night. Something wrong? You're not jealous, are you? It's just work. What has work got to do with it? - We're runners. We have to be available. - Gross. What makes you think he likes you? - He got on his knees at my door... I have to go. Sorry, Frida and I... - Never mind. Please listen to me. Wait up. Nothing better to do? Like handing out flyers? Don't be such a sissy. Get to work. That girl won't be around anymore. How do you know? - Tell them. What's the problem? - Nothing. Janet is history. That's your fault. - No, it's your fault. Will we hear the story, or what? That girl is in love with you and you used her, right? Or do you love her? He gets through busloads of girls every summer. Do you love her? - No, I want to win the contest. Do you love her or what? You knew she saw us kissing, didn't you? What is it you're after? So what if she saw us? You don't have feelings for her. You choose to dance with her, when I'm fit to go on stage. While you're sleeping in my bed. Be honest. If you love her, just say so. We had something special, but you're ruining our friendship. I'm not in love with her. What about last night? I agree with lan. You say something. You're not being honest. Have fun dancing. I quit. Don't be ridiculous. - I'm not. I've just been here too long. I've seen too many beaches. Fuck off. - Don't worry, I will. Good. Get out, you fuck. You don't mind if we tease your friends a little bit? Did you see them? - They went crazy. We're working. - I have to talk to her. Are you with us or what? What's wrong with him? - You should know, right? Do you have a problem with me? - No problem. Really. You cleared up a few things for me. - Like what? Like what? Nothing is what it seems. This is our last night here. Look, there he is. - Who? Mark, that's the one I like. But you're nagging him all the time. - Just playing a little game. How's my hair? - Great. Too late. - What's he doing with that cow? If you weren't too late, you'd be that cow. Sorry? - You know what I mean. I think she doesn't like that. Where are Joyce and Angela? - They have gone home. They don't know how to celebrate the last night, stupid broads. And Janet? She never wants to see you anymore. You can understand that, can't you darling? Leave it, the boys worked really hard. I'm going home. - Come on, join in. The keys. Nobody leaves the party until I say so. They gave her too much alcohol. Was she high? - Did you take any drugs? Do you know these boys? Sure he's involved. - You don't know him. And you do? You only danced together a few times. It wasn't Rens. Ask Maureen. - She was totally wasted. I'm gonna look for him. I want to know. - But we're about to leave. Do you know where Rens is? - Check out the Empire. He doesn't talk about anything but gets on the first bus out of here. I bet he was involved. What do you think? I was just telling the boys. I've known Rens for years. He wouldn't do something like that. You're lying. What are we supposed to think? A girl gets raped in the Empire. You leave. What would you think? Depends on how long I've known the guy. Would you suspect me? - Right away. Of course not. You're a mean motherfucker... as well as a sexist, but you wouldn't do such a thing. Then you know me better than I do. Believe me, asshole. I should have trusted you. - So you're in? No, I've come for Janet. Why the Empire? - She thinks I still work there. Where's the car? - At the Costa. Say hello to your wife. See you. Is she that special? - She is. You're Rens' girlfriend. - I'm looking for him. That's funny. So are we. Shouldn't that be open? There's no one here. She's got to be somewhere. - Let's just go. Go. - Did you talk to Rens? Come on, let's get out of here. Where is she? - Who? Come on. - I got him. Fuck off. I thought we were friends. I've been in a fight. We're gonna join the contest. I was at the police station. Reporting a rape. I told them it wasn't you. You're in, right? I saw Janet driving off. Jump in, the contest is about to begin. You better hurry. Romeo could have given us a lift. - Be romantic for a change. I thought this was only for runners. - Everybody can be a runner these days. You're the living proof. And then you can come work for aunt Kayra. Where is Rens? - He's completely lost it. Did Rens do that? He was looking for you. - What? Looking for me? - Yes. What are you still standing here for? Go after him. We're going back. Rens is looking for me. Keep moving, I want to go home. She's already ruined our holiday. All you do is complaining. About the food and the appartment. Well, it wasn't exactly... - That smell. Shut up. You snapped every boy's head off. You get loaded and then report the guy. It's never good enough. Are you perfect? And you shut up as well. All you do, is snap Janet's head off. She met a nice boy, and we fucked up. I don't understand why I took you along. That was really stupid. You're just pissed for not having a guy. - Who says I fancy guys? I have to hook up that transmitter. - It won't work. Trust me. - Bart, stop it. Original shit always wins. Can we try again? You have been looking for me. - You're back. Save it for later. Just one kiss. A drink on the winner? - I'm afraid I'll throw up. You're so exciting. Are you the owner of this club? Then you're under arrest for dealing drugs. Cocaine. We have to go again. I'll be right back. What are your plans? - Why? You know why. - No, I don't know. I'd love you to come and stay with me. Have you got a spare room? - No, in my room. I'm probably not the first one. The first for more than one night. - Did they all leave right away? I wouldn't let them stay. - I was only joking. I love you. Not so fast. Aren't you forgetting something? Are there enough people watching? I think so. How are you doing? - Great. So am I. Everybody is gone. What are you looking at? I was looking at you and thinking that we don't do enough of this. What? Walk around prehistoric jungles... for days on end looking for a way out? Yes, something like that. It's kind of nice don't you think... just the two of us? Yeah, it's been awhile. Refreshing swim might be nice. - How is it? - Oh, you tell me. - What? - It's a cave. It could be a passage through the mountains. leading to a way home. There do you see it? That's the whole message. Found fissure through mountains hurry. What? They found it. I knew there had to be a way through those damn mountains. Not through there there isn't. What, what are you talking about? I've been through that fissure and it leads to a swamp... surrounded by even higher mountains... and filled with some very nasty dinosaurs. Well we better warn them right away. It could take them all day to get here. - If they got our message. - Of course they did. We might as well make sure it actually leads somewhere. Alone with you in the dark that could lead somewhere. Light the torch. You know this could just be the home of some large prehistoric animal. Well that's why you're here, you go first. Ladies first. Daylight. Guess we don't need these anymore. It's a lot brighter than daylight. What is that? I don't know. At the dawn of the last century A band of explorers searched for a prehistoric world Driven by ambition Secret desires A thirst for adventure And seeking the ultimate story They are befriended by an untamed beauty Stranded in a strange and savage land Each day is a desperate search for a way out... of the Lost World. Roxton? Roxton where are you? I'm right here Marguerite take my hand. I don't know if this is such a good idea. We've come this far there's nothing to be afraid of. What is that sound? Must have something to do with this light. I wonder where it's coming from. - I can't see a thing. - It's way too bright for me. It's coming from that rock on the other side of the valley. It's reflecting the sun. It's like a mirror. I wonder what Challenger would have to say about this? I'm sure when he sees it he'll go on about it for hours. But apart from this fascinating phenomenon... it looks like we've reached another dead end. Except for that. Maybe they can point us in the right direction. Looks peaceful enough from here. Look at them can't wait to drink their money away. Push up the prices a little and they'll never know the difference. Not them but their wives should feel the pinch Mr. Grey. Oh they get by women are good at scrimping and saving. Isn't that right Josie? I bet you've got a mattress full of money. Well if I did I wouldn't be working... for the likes of you in a place like this now would I? Not that this ain't a nice establishment... and you both ain't respectable gentlemen. If you don't look too closely that is. I don't know why I don't throw you out on the street. - Two reasons. - Um? And you're lookin at both of them. Afternoon folks don't get up my business is at the bar. You again. Drop it. Someone has to keep you honest Edgar. Who are you? How do you know my name? I told you that the last time I robbed you. I'm your punishment, here to inflict on you the same degree of suffering that you inflict on all those around you. You won't get away with this. As long as you do I will. Time to pay the piper again. Don't be shy everyone here knows that your... pockets are full because theirs are empty. Thieving unscrupulous wench. Jewelry too. Drinks are on the house. No one does this to me! I'll see you hanged for this! We all have our dreams Edgar. The village can't be that much further. What's the hurry? Why? Do you have something else in mind? Now, I have you're undivided attention. What the ...? I wouldn't. What the hell was that? - Some kind of an outlaw. - Yeah an amateur... looks like she dropped her back of loot. Stolen goodies. She must have robbed someone in the village. Fair's Fair. She almost ran us down. Yes and I think we should try and find the rightful owner. Finder's keepers. - Well, looks fairly civilized. - Compared to what? You hear me! Come back when you can stand up! Now there's a pleasant surprise. Even you wouldn't stop for a pint? It's been a while since you bought me a drink. - Are they staring at me or you? - You I hope. I see you're open for business. Well that depends on whether you've come to rob the place... or buy a round. You're mad coming in here with that. This? Oh we just found it. Sure you did. No, it's true. The woman who dropped it almost ran us down. - Best put it away now. - But we came to return it. You two are under arrest, hands on your heads. Under arrest for what? Thank you. There must be some mistake. That's enough out of you whoever you are. Get their weapons. Come on! come on. This is ridiculous. The woman that you want is still out there. Right and she gave you the money that she stole. Good work Hyde. Well well... at last we meet face to face without the mask. And who are you? Come now there's no need to pretend any longer. I have a list of charges as long as your arm. You've been caught red handed. See, this is what happens when you try and do the right thing. We brought your money back there should be a reward. Reward? Absolutely, after your trial you will be treated to a public execution. And you, you will hang as her accomplice. We ran into the woman you're looking for on the way into the village. She almost ran us down. Do you think I am fooled by your phony accent? Three times you have robbed and threatened me. Your trial will begin today and end tomorrow. Justice will be swift. And blind! Maybe they didn't get our message and went to explore the fissure anyway. If they did the dinosaurs will chase them out in a hurry. Look out! Don't even think about it. Drop it and the rest. What do you want? You look like well heeled travelers. You intend to rob us? You must be the brains of the outfit. We don't have any money. I don't want your money just your weapons and ammunition. You can't leave us out here unarmed. Unarmed or dead it's your choice. - We'll track you down. - Good luck to you, in two days I'll be gone forever. But where did you come from? Are there anymore like you around here? Most of them aren't as friendly. Good think I have your weapons. Fine looking guns they are too. Gone forever in two days. Do you think she knows a way off the plateau? I thought your friend said there was going to be a trail before the execution? This is it, we like the accused to face the punishment... of what's in the future. Something tells me there isn't going to be much of a trail. Move it. Marguerite, I'm going to make a run for it. - What about me! - You can help me just... don't worry, I'm not going to leave you for the hangman. Are you ready? Fall over. Eh? Sorry! Get him! Stealing my gun and I thought you were supposed to be Sheriff. Hand over! Court is now in session. Let her go. - This was all a big mistake. - Put down your gun... or they'll be no trial just an execution. Ah, Ah... another step. You've only got one shot, you can't kill us both. He's aiming at me Roxton. And I cannot miss from here. All right... we'll do it your way. This is my way. No! No! Roxton! Put them both in the cell. If he doesn't see a doctor he is going to bleed to death. And we can save a piece of rope. Oh, no, no, it's good... it's gone right through. It has to be cauterized... I need something hot enough to burn the flesh. I demand you get a doctor right now! You demand, you're in no position to do anything but beg. All right, all right... I'm begging you... please don't let him bleed to death. How easily you grovel for the life of a worthless scoundrel. All right, give her what she wants. If you want this dog to swing beside you, you can treat the wound yourself. What? They were here all right. Went in but haven't come back out. Maybe they're on their way back. That woman came out here too. But no hoof prints leading back in. I wonder if Roxton and Marguerite ran into her. When it's red hot... you press it against the wound and you hold it there... until it sears the blood vessels you understand? I can't do it. Come on it's going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you. That a girl. Nothing to it. I'm sorry. You know, I really think you mean that. You can thank me later. That wasn't here last time. Strange. What is it? Where is it coming from? What is that noise? Sounds like an atmospheric pressure differential. There must be mineral deposits in that rock, what brilliance. The sun is reflecting off that cliff. Strange, I didn't see that last time I was here. Maybe the cliff was in shadow. Of course, because the angle of the sun's ray changes... as the earth orbits the sun. That's right Malone. In fact, it's likely that the sun only hits those rocks... a few days every year. What's going on? Everything's different. What about that village? Was that there last time? No! No swamp, no dinosaurs and a village that wasn't there before. How very intriguing. None of this was here before. That woman who robbed us must have come from here. Well that's right, and she said... she'd be gone forever in two days. It seems like two different planes of reality... have been thrown together there boundaries fused... by that incredible light. - For two days. - Precisely, so when the sun stops shinning on that rock... all this could poof just disappear. Just like Marguerite and Roxton. Where are they? Maybe they popped in for a drink. - No sign of them in here. - Welcome strangers. You look a little lost. I'm Edgar Grey Attorney, this is Sheriff Hyde. I'm pleased to meet you. I'm George Challenger, Ned Malone, Veronica. Were looking for our friends a man and a woman. Oh yes indeed. There has been a misunderstanding. Nothing serious I hope? No...no...not at all, I'm afraid they just got... a little rowdy and ended up in jail. No doubt Marguerite's doing. She's indeed quite a woman. Why don't we go down to the jail and sort all this out hm. Please. - What is this? - Hands on your heads. - You three are under arrest. - What the devil for? If you are friends with that woman in jail it would... mean you are part of her gang of bandits. Marguerite is no outlaw. The mask has been removed. You're making a mistake. We were robbed by the same woman. - And she is still at large. - Lock them up. You will be put on trial with your friends in the morning. I said move come on, let's go. - Move it! - Malone! Look two nooses. - Keep moving! - I think we know who those are for. We won't be much help to them if we're all locked up together. You saying we make a break for it now? If we can find the real bandit maybe we can sort this mess out. Be quiet! First we have to get out of here. - That shouldn't be too difficult. - Keep moving! Amazing! Just think about it... two days ago none of this was here! Just a swamp full of frenzied vicious flesh eating dinosaurs! Where are you going huh? Run! Get up! Come on! Wait we can't just leave Marguerite and Roxton here. That way, move! Dead or alive don't matter which! Doesn't look like we have much choice now. - There they go, come on. - This way. You know I was dreaming. You were feeding me grapes on the banks of a stream. That's what we should have done. You saved my life. You promised to save me from the hangman. Is that the only reason? No! I should get shot more often. Not till you get us out of here. I really must be dreaming. We've got to lose them or take them out before we hit open ground again. You mean before we make our run for the fissure? - How about a little ambush? - Good idea. There he is. I give up. I'm beat sure is lonely down here. Nice work you two. Let's go. Time to get out of here. It's good to see you're feeling better, any ideas? I was hoping this part of the dream would just disappear. It will do that all by itself. By sundown tomorrow whatever lies... beyond the fissure will have disappeared forever. What are you talking about? For two days each year. Two different worlds are brought together by some... freak of nature. But when the earth is moved a little and the sun... no longer hits that cluster of sparkling rocks... then everything returns to normal. What exactly is normal to you? Towns, farms, villages much like this one. Ignorant peasants going about their daily lives... secure in the knowledge that people like me... are watching over them... keeping order. Normal sounds pretty horrible to me. Small villages like this have been your stock and trade. I wouldn't waist my time in a place like this. I'm with you. I prefer the dinosaurs and savages on the other side. - Sounds horrifying. - You've never seen it? Last year was a frozen wasteland ... the year before a desert, every year something different. You have to let us go. You know we haven't committed any crimes. But I don't know that at all. You keep pretending that you don't know anything but why should I believe you? Flaunting your ill gotten gains in my tavern I should have hanged you on the spot. But we're not savages yet. No you haven't evolved quite that far, yet. The woman you're looking for is still out there. Maybe you're right but it doesn't matter. What? Well the Masked Bandit is a prize catch... if you're not her you'll have to do. The good people of this village want a hanging and... I am just their humble servant. My hands are tied. Keep going! I wonder where the others are. I certainly wouldn't be disappointed to see them right about now. Maybe they couldn't find the fissure. I'm sorry we found it. If we don't catch this woman soon we're going to have to go back there without her. How far do you think she'll ride before she gives her horse a rest? Depends on how cool she is and how bad she wants to get away. Let's hope she likes her horse more than she likes people otherwise we're never going to catch her. Wait! Raptor. Useless piece of junk. Come on over here my beauty! Over here! Thank you very much. How did you do that? It's a little more sophisticated than your flintlock. - Can I see it. - Ah ah. Nice try, this end only. We've come to take you back. Yes, your friends in the village are waiting. I can't go back there, Grey will hang me. Maybe you deserve it. - Much more than our friends do. - Ah. Hidden behind a cowards mask... she takes the bread from our mouths and ... fills our hearts and souls with fear. Who knows how many have been the victim of this... dangerous woman. Your honor I urge you to listen to the people, the innocent people and put an end to this reign of terror. The Masked Bandit and her accomplice must die. - Yes! - Yes! Oh it's all over before any of the evidence is even presented. You know I think that's the general idea. You can't honestly expect me to go back... there and to turn myself in for a complete stranger. You know it's the right thing to do. I stopped doing the right think a long time ago. Around the time Edgar Grey cheated me out of my tavern. - You used to own the tavern? - My husband and I, until Grey killed him. Shot him in the back outside the tavern. Then he asked me to marry him... all he really wanted was the tavern. - You didn't want to sell it to him. - No, so he cut off my supplies I went... broke and he took it over anyway. That doesn't justify a life of crime. Oh I don't know... he took from me a good deal more... than I've ever taken from him. And others, now it's time for an even trade. Let's go. It is the verdict of this court that this woman ... is the Masked Bandit ... and therefore guilty of all crimes. The penalty is death by hanging ... to be carried out immediately. I guess this is a good time to appeal the verdict. This is the part we've all been waiting for. You're a fool Edgar you know I'm not... the woman that you're looking for. If you execute us you'll never learn about our secret. You have a minute tell me now. Hang on! Hang on! On the other side of the fissure... we have found precious gems... beyond your wildest imagination. Would you like to see some? Come on! Hang on. I suppose the good citizens can wait a moment longer. Hang on. Take him back to the cell. Don't worry, I won't leave you for the hangman. Yes, you will. This way. Good I'll have a martini extra dry with a twist of lemon. Sit down! Show me these gems. These are just tiny samples... of what you will find in great abundance. Give them to me. A short excursion through the fissure just a few hours away... and you could be a very wealthy man. The three gems you are holding in your hand could make me wealthy enough getting them I think would be a lot easier. There are many places I could lose them... between here and the gallows. I could take them now. Only by killing me... and then you wouldn't get to hang me ... in front of all your people. You know it is unfortunate we had to meet this way. You and I are very much alike I think. You know if you're not out of this valley by sundown... you could be stuck here forever. We'll be long gone by then. Do you honestly think Edgar Grey is going to let your friends go. Why wouldn't he it's you he's after. You clearly don't know him well enough. He keeps the villagers in the dark about the ... fissure and he has a habit of hanging uninvited visitors. We'll find out for ourselves soon enough. Yes. Hey! Yeah! Wait. Come here. Right there we... Damn I forgot the gunpowder. - I'm sure it's nothing, thunder. - Quiet! The prisoner has escaped Mr. Grey. You created this little ruse ... to give your friend a chance to escape. Now why would I help him and not myself? So that he would come back and help you. There's no chance of that now. We'll hang her now. Think of the future we could have together. Until I turn my back ... and then you'll put a knife in it. - You can't do this. - Someone has to hang... and we mustn't disappoint all of these people. Any last words? Damn you, Roxton. Careful Marguerite it's not too late to change my mind. Goodbye whoever you are. What the hell is this? Looks like we arrived just in time. Better late than never. This is madness he'll kill us all. No, keep walking. - Where's Roxton? - What do you want? This woman is the Masked Bandit. After her quickly I'll get Marguerite. Hang her! Sorry, not today. Couldn't leave without stealing something could you? - I need a weapon. - No you don't. Really wasn't his day, was it? - How are we going to help the others? - I don't know. Come on let's get out of here. Did you learn your lesson Sheriff. I want them all! Where are the others? Make for the tavern. Now is not the time to stop for a drink. Nor is it time to have only one gun. I'll keep you covered, go! Open the door. Barricade the door. We've got to find a way out of here. And quickly sundown is rapidly approaching. It's you they want. Take it easy the fight's outside! That's enough! We could be stuck here for ever because of you! - You got here all by yourself. - Now this is not solving anything. This woman does not deserve to be hanged any more than you do. Let's work together on this thing huh. We can get out through the roof. What do we do Edgar? Kill them all. Surround the place, burn it down! You heard him get going! Get some torches! Burn it! Looks like they're going to try to burn us out. More like burn us alive. Come on let's go. That might get us out of the building but we need some... kind of diversion to get us out of the village. I'll turn myself in. That should give you time to get away. Wait, I've got a better idea. Light it up. Edgar it's me I want to come out. Smells like a trap. Why do you want to come out? Let the others go it's me you want. - Don't listen to her. - Shut up! - Tell the men to hold off. - Wait. Come out! Let the others go. You're in no position to bargain. What about now? - How did you get those? - I'm a bandit remember... forced into a life of crime because if you. Go! Go! Come on Challenger let's not dawdle. You give me the gems. As soon as you let the others go. Well that's not going to happen now. Burn it down! Now let's take off that mask hmmm. If you insist. Drop it. You're not the Bandit. Oh but I am you were right all along. And as you have made others suffer so too shall you. I'll be back. Damn. - Where is she? - She'll be here. I hope so because we're running out of time. Not a moment too soon. You should have seen his face. Do you think he fell for it? I'm sure he did. Your identity is still a secret. - I don't know how to thank you. - Keep robbing Edgar... it's the least you can do for our mutual friend. - Come on we have to hurry. - What about your clothes? Keep them they suit you. Time to go. Come on sun's setting. - Good luck. - Thank you. - Travel safe. - I will. - She was quite a woman. - That she was. But let's not forget who got us out of that little jam. Quite right without Marguerite we might still be living back there. I think we owe you a debt of gratitude. I never thought I'd live to hear it. Sounds like everything's back to normal. Yes, well normal sounds horrible to me. * I'm... Not the monster I used to be... I admit that. I'm tired. I'm weaker. I'm losing my memory... And I can't sleep. Still, these friends of yours... well, they're dead now. I tore all three of them to pieces... and tossed the whole mess off the cliffs out back. Let the vultures fight over what's left. This is ridiculous. I try to withdraw... I retire... I hide... but still you find me out... even in my dreams... polluting my solitude... filling the air itself with your unending and pointless noise. Go ahead, kill me! Try it! Try to be offended by my mere existence... you stupid fucking morons! But don't send these flattering lackeys... with their cameras and their tape recorders. Callous and shortsighted henchmen... talking to me like I was a goddamn child. Shit! The time it takes to kill these idiots is... it's depressing. I can't go on like this. If you won't come and kill me... well, then I'll have to kill you. Every last one of you. Yes. You win. Or it shall be. I am awake again and put upon. And then, well... Silence. Unless... Fuck! Fuck off! Newsroom. Please hold. Margaret, that's Associated Press on line five. Thank you. You're late. I'm twenty minutes early. Yeah, well, so what. Here. Go make some coffee. There's a world of bad news out there... ladies and gentlemen, a world of bad news. All we need to do is get our hands on the worst of it... the very worst news possible. Fred, what do you got on the national scene? Federal government's still on strike. Old. The nation's already forgotten... the government's on strike. They're not impressed. Has the president shot himself yet? Rumors are unsubstantiated. Well, substantiate them. Domestic terrorist activities are up 60%%%... in the past two weeks. Interesting. A little ahead of the curve though... isn't it, Tom? How many dead? Hundreds. Sad, but not catastrophic. Judy, what about international? Genocide in eastern Europe. Economic collapse in Japan. The Middle East, of course. Bootleg nuclear arms being sold by the Russian mafia... to both Pakistan and India. Climatic irregularities continue. It's snowing in Johannesburg. This is all last week's news. It's filler. Random facts to pad out the end of a show. What do we have here in town? What's happening down at city hall? The mayor has sold lower Manhattan... to a major Hollywood studio. OK. Sure. That will fill air time till at least tomorrow afternoon. Maybe by then the president will have done something drastic. Have there been protests? Violent demonstrations in all five boroughs. OK. Cop an attitude about it... but not one we can't change tomorrow. Come down hard on the mayor. Careful, Boss. Same Hollywood studio owns this television network. So stupid! Why? Sorry. What is it, Beatrice? A clue has surfaced... as to the disappearance of our TV crew in Iceland. What TV crew? We sent them there two months ago... to investigate the legend of a monster said to exist... beneath an abandoned U.S. missile silo... near an isolated northern village. The local authorities searched for them but found nothing. What turned up? A tape from the sound recordist. One of our envelopes. Look. What's on it? Someone claiming to have killed them. Killed who? Our crew. Really? Tell me more, Beatrice. The cameraman was my fiance. Really? Oh, God. I'm sorry. Nevertheless, I think we should follow this up. This has got potential. We need to do these human interest pieces... from time to time. Can it be me? Can what be you? Can I be the one to go investigate... the disappearance of the TV crew? You? God, Beatrice, I mean, who'll make the coffee in the morning? I went to college. I studied journalism. Look, you're very young. This could be dangerous. Three young men have gone missing out there already. Think of your family. I don't have a family. My mom died last year... and she was all that I had in that way... besides Jim. Jim? My fiance. I see. Sorry. Please. "Dear Jim. "It was real difficult to get a taxi to the airport... "because some terrorists had threatened to blow up... "the bridges leading out of Manhattan." "So I tried to take the subway. "But a religious group had set off nerve gas on the train... "and we were evacuated before I even got ten blocks. "Luckily, I was given a ride by two guys in a truck. "They were demolition experts... "and said they weren't afraid of terrorists... "religious people, or anybody. "They seemed happy and relaxed... "and looked forward each day to destroying things... "for a living." "Waiting on line at the airport... "I saw two men get caught trying to smuggle... "radioactive materials out of the country. "It's like my mom used to say... "the world's a dangerous and uncertain place. "A few moments here and there of selflessness and affection... "are about as good as life gets." I'm sorry, Miss, but your flight's been rerouted. You'll have to fly to Brussels first... and make a connecting flight to Lisbon. And from Lisbon... pending further notice... you'll be able to fly directly to Reykjavik, Iceland. Thank you. Thank you. "I wish you could've known my mom, Jim. "She would've thought the world of you." Scott Andrews, please dial extension 3326. "Still... "I can't stop writing these letters to you. "It keeps you alive somehow." You need help, don't you? Final boarding for flight 167 to Brussels. Passengers traveling on flight 167 to Brussels... please proceed to gate 9A immediately. Please have your boarding card and passport ready. Once again, final boarding for flight one... You've got to hurry up, miss. They're holding the plane for you. Go. So what happened? Airliner crashed into the Atlantic last night. The boss wants an expose on the air by 6:00 this evening. Did anyone survive? I doubt it. Come on, Judy. It's got to be somebody's fault. What's the airline saying? They're withholding comment pending further investigation. Fred, I want the names of everybody on that flight. And I want a camera crew in the home of every parent... child, and relative you can get your hands on by lunch time. Margaret, if you start crying, you're fired. She was on that flight. Pull yourself together, Margaret. This plane was headed to Brussels. - We sent Beatrice to... where? - Iceland. Iceland. Yes, of course. We sent Beatrice to Iceland. It was rerouted. Why didn't we know that? Yes, I speak English. Yes. Potemkin. Coordinate 45-72 west... 38-50 north. Yes. Have located survivor. Request assistance now. What is it? They found someone. She's sustained multiple fractures... three broken ribs, severe concussion. Both her legs are broken. She has much internal bleeding, extreme hypothermia... and severe damage to the spine. It's a miracle she survived. Jack, yeah, it's me. Listen, regarding the Beatrice situation... They say she'll be OK in time. She might not walk again, though. I'm sure we're gonna have an exclusive on the whole thing. She's worked with me forever. I can't remember. A long time. How long? - Five months. - For five months. Really? Well, anyway, you know, she's just a kid. Yeah, she's pretty. Pretty enough, anyhow. You know, plain, well-adjusted... optimistic, completely out of touch. She'll do whatever we want. I don't want to talk to anyone. The world needs to know. - Why? - What? Why does the world need to know... what it was like to crash into the sea? Prevention. They need to know... all they can to prevent another crash. I already told the people from the government... investigation team everything I can remember. Technically, yes, but what about the experience? What about the sensations, the drama? Who were the cowards? Who was brave? The children, what were the children doing? OK. We can talk more later. They were people. They were actual people. All right. Have it your own way. You're on your own now, though. You've got no one in this world, Beatrice. Remember that. A few weeks from now, this is all gonna blow over... and nobody anywhere is gonna give a damn... about the poor lonesome survivor of flight 167... and, for instance, her accumulating medical bills. Just trying to help you out. Thank you. Beatrice, do you realize how rare an occurrence this is... how phenomenally slim the chances are of anyone... surviving a jumbo jet crashing into the sea? You're a celebrity. You're a media darling. You're an institution just waiting to happen... a phenomenon. It's no use. We're going home. Is it possible? The operation has only been performed once before. The pain and the effort of the surgery itself... will kill her. It's not impossible. Will it hurt? Yes, it will hurt. A lot? Yes, it will hurt very much. Good morning, Beatrice. Are you comfortable? I think so. Can you understand me clearly? Good. Beatrice, in this procedure... we are going to need you to be as alert... and as communicative as possible. We need you to help us. Do you understand me? Good. During the first few hours of the operation... we will be administering a series of local anesthetics... at different parts of your body... calculated to wear off... as we proceed from one part of the operation to the next. We know the parts of your body you have no sensation in... as well as those you do. As we go on... you will begin feeling more and more. And if we are having some success... we will reach the final stages of the operation... in which no anesthesia can be used... but at which time you will begin feeling more and more... of the work we are doing. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? OK, then... let's begin. One, and stand by. Program formatted. One, and stand by. Local anesthesia one. Thirty-nine. Anesthesia three... and pause. Thirty-nine. Local anesthesia three. Pause... and lock. Thirty-seven... and pause. Thirty-seven. Confirmed. And ready. Wait. Now. I think it's time for me to go. What will you do? I have to go look for Jim. I have to find out what happened. Your friends rented a car to take them as far as Bordheyri. Beyond there, it's no use having a car. They said they would return in a week. They did not return. Finally, after about a month... the police contacted me about one of my cars... which had been abandoned in that place. Dr. Anna, do you believe in monsters? A little. Even you? A doctor? A doctor sees all sorts of things... that are hard to explain. Our job is to try to explain them, but sometimes we can't. Maybe that's what people mean when they talk about miracles. Like you, for example. I was just lucky. Or blessed. He says they left the car at the garage... and hired a guide to take them by horseback to Heimsenda. That's the village. It's not possible to drive to Heimsenda. There are no roads. She says... even the horses will only go so far. I'll be OK. I know you will. Where are we? These stones, they keep the evil thing in the north. Who lives in the village? Only those who have to. What kind of people are they? You'll see. He was standing right there... so close that he could feel the monster's breath... singeing the hair on his arms. And he breathed fire at him, and his feet went up in flames. He raised the house up off its foundation... and then he tore the door... off its hinges. She says the monster has woken, and he's angry... and our offerings of whiskey are not enough. We tried to tell your boyfriend and his crew to stay here... and to leave the monster in peace... but he wouldn't listen. The Americans... tried to build a missile base out on the monster's rock. I was a boy. I remember. We tried to warn them, but they wouldn't listen either. I was a child, yes. I remember. You could hear their screams for miles. You could smell their blood on the wind. Will you take me there? We will take you just so far. No further. She says that you should spend the night with us... first. What the fuck are you lookin' at? Where am I? Where are my clothes? How did I get here? Every once in a while, those maniacs down in the village... toss an unsuspecting piece of ass... up on the rocks down there. A gift, I guess, for me. What have you done with my friends? I killed them, probably. I don't believe you. So what? Are you going to kill me, too? That depends. On what? On whether or not you're a complete fuckin' idiot. What's wrong with you? What do you mean, what's wrong with me? Why are you like that? Because I'm a monster. There's no such thing as monsters. I'm sure there's all sorts of reasons... why you are the way you are. Genetic mutations, that sort of thing. Science. Are you a scientist? No. I have a friend who's a doctor. How did you do that? How the hell am I supposed to know? Now listen, sister, you gonna help me out here or what? Help you? What can I do to help you? I don't even think I like you. Yeah? Well, tough. You're either gonna help me out here... or I'm gonna come down there, bite your head off... tear your heart out, and set the whole ugly mess on fire. You don't scare me. - What's your name? - Beatrice. Listen, Beatrice. You'd like to see me dead, wouldn't you? Not necessarily, no. Of course you would. I killed your friends. If that's true, then I think you ought to be brought... to justice and punished so you can learn to understand... the wrong you've done. The wrong I've done? Yes. It's like my mother used to say. Jesus had it all figured out right and proper. One evil deed doesn't fix another. You've gotta learn to love your enemies, too. Jesus. I can see this is gonna be a disaster. Look, I'm gonna close my eyes, and you run away. If you're not off the island by the time I count 1,500... I'm gonna come, and I'll kill you. Did you really kill Jim and his friends? Who the fuck is Jim? My fiance. That's his video camera over there. This is his PowerBook. Come with me. Where? Just shut the fuck up and follow me, will ya? So do you believe in monsters yet? Leave me alone. I'd love to, sister, but you gotta pull yourself together... and help destroy me first. What do you mean? That's the deal. You come here and try and help kill me... and if you can't, I get to dispose... of one more pain in the ass human being. What the fuck is that? It's loaded. Of course. OK, princess. Take your best shot. - I can't. - Yes, you can. No, I can't. Do it! I'm not impressed by mercy. You don't score points with me for bein' selfless, Beatrice. Your life means nothin' to me at all. Get over it and see the big picture. You're just another human being. Just another piece of the plague, so to speak. I'd kill you just as easily as I'd kill a fly. There would be no remorse... no pangs of conscience... no fascinating sensation of diabolic accomplishment. It's nothin' personal. You're just in my way. I see extinction... in everything else around me. The passing away. Even the mountains pass away. It's true. They do. I've watched it happen. But not me. No. I'm changeless and eternal. It's true. I'm an alcoholic... and an insomniac, too, but then... who wouldn't be? Doomed to endure humanity's victory over all things... without even the option of killing myself like they do... and for much smaller disappointments, too... in my opinion. You're a kind person. I can see that. I don't know what good it's gonna do you, but... I believe you have the presence of mind to see... the impossibility of my situation. You want to be put out of your misery. Don't pity me! I hate that shit! Are there others like you? Are you sure? You must get lonely. There... there is a human being who can kill me. He used to live in the house out there near the water. Dr. Artaud. A scientist. Mad as the day is long, but a genius all the same. Where is he now? He got to shootin' his mouth off... about his new invention, and the next thing you know... they took him away in a straitjacket. You see... Dr. Artaud... he believes in monsters. So you want me to find him, is that it? You will be doing you and your kind... the greatest of favors. It can't go on like this forever. If I don't find Artaud soon, well, then, I'll be forced... to go on a rampage and kill every human being I see. Find him yourself. I can't! I get these fits! What causes them? People. Humanity. Civilization. I don't know. The more people there are, the worse it gets... and it's gettin' worse by the year. Drinkin' helps. What makes you think I'll be able to find him? 'Cause you made it here alive. Because you made it all the way here... without me tearing off your goddamn head. I'm impressed, OK? What do you want from me? Promise me something. Promises. How you human beings love promises. You can't kill anybody. If nobody comes around, I won't kill them. It's easy. But I want you to come with me. Where? To find Dr. Artaud. You mean out there? I can't go out there and be expected not to kill anybody. Then I won't help you. You're making this a lot more difficult than it needs to be. Maybe. You promised. Are we connected yet? It's ringing. Beatrice, what's happening out there? A monster? A real monster? This isn't some sort of flash in the pan freak is it? Right. Artaud. Dr. Artaud. But listen. I want an exclusive on this. Let us handle everything, OK? Right. We'll find this Artaud character. If we can't find him, no one can. But listen, I'm gonna need some interviews... a press conference maybe, certainly a photo spread. Are you ready for that? OK. Now hold on tight... because this is going to be very, very big. I think we're gonna be famous. Good morning, Miss Beatrice. How was your flight? I'll show you to your room. Hello, Carlo. Right this way. I'm Carlo. This is my friend. All these people, they're my friends. Hey, get out of here, friend. Beatrice, what are you doing? We've got a press conference in forty-five minutes. - Who's this? - This is Carlo. - Fred, get him outta here. - Bye, Carlo. Come on. What time is it? It's early, but we've gotta strike while the iron is hot. Margaret, where is that makeup girl? - Wardrobe people are here. - Great. You know the drill. Cute, but sexy. Maybe some sunglasses. God, Beatrice. What were you doing all night? I was making love. Aloha. You must be... well, the monster, I guess. You killed our TV crew, did you? Tore them to pieces and threw their limbs to the vultures. - I heard all about it. - Where's Dr. Artaud? We haven't found him yet. Shit. I can see this thing's goin' from bad to worse already. It's rumored he was abducted by the U.S. Government... for research on top secret weapons development. Wait. Listen. Do you hear that? Exactly. Easy, gentlemen. Matter is one. Remember that. The bar, of course. Is that him? U.S. Federal Marshal with ward of the state Dr. Artaud. Margaret, sign for the delivery. Thank you, gentlemen. How are you, Doctor? How was your trip? My God. I can see right through you. Fritz, show me to the swimming pool. No, wait. The patient. He's upstairs. I must talk to him at once. Follow me. No, not yet. We have the press conference first. - Will there be food? - Of course. In that case, Fritz. - Who is Fritz today? - You are. Right. Yes, doctor? My notebook. Get him out of here. But... But nothing. If that asshole upstairs is a real monster... I want him kept alive for as long as he's fashionable. Move. Hey, you. You in there? Go away. I want to talk to you. Holy fuck. Will you leave me alone? Look, I want to apologize. Apologize for what? Listen, princess... you've just begun to make my life a living hell. Look, I just feel awful about last night, you know? All the noise we made, all the dancing and singing... and then... good lord. The sex for hours and hours and... You were over here all by yourself. The only creature of your kind known to exist. That was terribly inconsiderate of me. I apologize. OK. It's time to go. Beatrice, why the publicity stunt? Beatrice, does the monster obey your every command? Is it true that a new line of cosmetics... is to feature your name and likeness? Beatrice, are you and the monster lovers? What's he really like beneath that tough-guy exterior? Have you ever seen him kill anyone? I have a question for the monster. Let's get right down to the main issue here. A monster in this day and age? I mean, don't you just find that, like, irrelevant? He breathes fire. I saw it. He can't be killed with bullets, either. Come on. I remember... when you were young. Pond scum. Just another ooze on the edge of the local warm water. I was there watching. I saw you evolve. Bored to tears, I sighed and waited... as it took you millennia to turn into fish. Cheering you on... jumping up and down, throwing rocks at you... as you crawled stupidly up onto the sand. Pathetic. I used to sneak down into your little villages at night... and grab some old person or a child... and I'd crack their skulls open on a rock. Then I'd look... study... try and figure out how you work. What made you morons so damned adaptable? But there was nothing. Blood, guts, and shit, same as everything else. Pointless, absurd. Just another fucking accident. I used to stand on the cliffs at night... and howl at the stars, wondering what would become of me. Was I gonna live forever? I want to die, but I can't. I'm indestructible. I'm sorry. It's not my fault. It must be yours. I know of no god who could be that cruel. I know of no god... unless, of course, I am God... but then what difference would that make? I'd still be fucked. Round and round, the same old dead end. Reasoning, logic. Bored, finally, I'd... run down the mountain and terrorize the villagers. That was just excellent. Thank you very much. Piss off, lady. Where's Dr. Artaud? These gentlemen are waiting to take you... to Dr. Artaud straight away. Fred, where are they taking him? He's on his way to Dr. Artaud. Hey, watch it! Where's Dr. Artaud? I want to see the doctor! Dr. Artaud's not far off. Please be patient. - Where's the girl? - What girl? - Oh, the girl. - There's a girl? Yes, of course there's a girl. Get that goddamn thing away from me. And who do you gotta sleep with around here, anyway... to get a fuckin' drink? Matter is one. Yes, of course. That's easy. But, you see, are different densities. Heavy and light. It can interpenetrate. - You see, it's proved. - This proves it? You doubt my methods. It's OK. The center needs a margin. Have some wine. Are you a scientist or something? I'm on vacation... or lost, maybe. We have to wait and see. It's beautiful. It is both an equation and an architectural schematic. To know and to be. This is not even a question. There is no alternative. You see, it's clear in the loneliest little avenues... between particles and waves... shunned even by the gregarious quark... unheard of by the various strands of time. So large it cannot be seen... yet small enough to be immovable... lies the fabric of infinite reality... gripped in the tiny little concrete fist... of the all or nothing. What do you call it? The matter eradicator... invented to free a difficult friend... from eternal damnation. You must be Dr. Artaud. For what it's worth, alas, my name is mud. They keep me locked in a room on the top floor... but I said rude things to the chambermaid... and she set me free. I thought you were examining the monster. Not yet. I've been left alone with my thoughts. It is not so bad, really. Come on. We have to get out of here. They've tricked us. I'm so sorry. Margaret, where is he? It's so sad. It's all over the news. This beast, that has killed thousands... upon thousands remorselessly for hundreds of years... is now subjected to intense scientific experimentation... aimed at discovering his exact subcellular makeup. Government researchers all agree this freak of nature... is as yet indestructible... impervious even to atomic radiation. Sources close to the president claim the monster... is an invaluable strategic defense acquisition. Remarkable. He's beyond scientific analysis. He's an unknown substance. He's everything and nothing. Professor, he has to be something. Of course, but that something is something we cannot name yet... so we must not believe it exists. But he is weaker than we thought. He cannot stand information. He's like an enormous satellite dish. He feels passing physioelectronic... transmissions the way you and I would feel the ache... of a brain tumor. He won't die, will he? Oh, no. Quite impossible. I assure you he's perfectly indestructible. He can withstand this torture indefinitely. I only hope that I will be able to procure... the appropriate funding to continue my research. We can help you with that. I would appreciate anything you could do. We have to get him out into the world, though. But he's dangerous. Yes, of course. But he's made a promise to Beatrice. A promise to a young girl. What is it worth? We'll have to wait and see. Still, to let him at large and study him... under a multitude of circumstances... this could be extremely valuable. My guess is people will be bored by the monster... sometime tomorrow afternoon. It takes a lot more than the supernatural... to captivate the imagination of the demographic... I have to deal with, Professor. He'll fall from fashion. He'll fall hard, and he'll fall fast. He'll be ridiculed and abused. This will make for very interesting observations. Everything's set with the ship. Be there at 6 a.m. And ask for Vladimir. Your flight leaves at 10:30. You'll be met by friends of mine at the airport in Iceland. I'll be there as soon as I can. Don't talk to anyone. Take care. Kennedy Airport. International departures, please. Good. Very good. It's just the right mix of pathetic and scary. It's just a matter of time before he breaks his promise... and tears some punk to pieces. 8 left, 24 right, 2 left, 17 right. - You got that? - I got it. There's everything in there you want, and nothing that I want. No. That's at the casino, waiting. When you sent for me, I sent for Gilda. She's going home. - Home? Clear home? - At least you could wish her luck. - She makes her own luck. - How dumb can a man be? Get out of here before you realise what a heel you've been. I can't bear to see you break down. I'm a sensitive man, for a cop. Gilda didn't do any of those things you've been losing sleep over. It was just an act, every bit of it. But I'll give you credit, you were a great audience. Would you like a drink of ambrosia, suitable only for a goddess? No, thank you. Mr. Obregon said the place had been taken over by the government. Don't think about it. A cigarette, perhaps? Blended of the finest tobaccos from the most romantic places of the world. No, thank you. - It all looks lonely, doesn't it? - All bad things end up lonely. I know that, don't I? You can keep your silly epigrams to yourself. Uncle Pio. I hear you're going home. I came to say goodbye. I want to go with you, Gilda. Please take me. - I know I did everything wrong. - Isn't it wonderful? Nobody has to apologise, because we were both such stinkers. - Isn't it wonderful? - Wonderful... I didn't intend to come back so soon, but I want my wife. You thought I died that night. I murdered a man, so I disappeared for a while. I came to the house to get Gilda. I found her occupied with you. I had no time for an emotional scene. I had a launch waiting for me. You didn't see me parachute out. You weren't seeing very clearly that night. Emotion clouds the brain. I intended to kill you with this, to have one friend kill the other. But now it won't do, because I have to kill Gilda, too. I told you I'd be looking... Better get out of here, Uncle Pio, quick! I'm a great cop, and a pushover for a love story. I know the combination of the safe, but I don't know where it is. It's on the wall, behind the desk. Thanks. Say, haven't I seen that cane somewhere before? Yes. You shouldn't leave such things lying around where I can reach them. He's lying, like the gentleman I always said he was. It was I... - Keep your mouth shut! - You two can quit being noble. A man can only die once, and Mundson killed himself three months ago. Besides, didn't you ever hear of a thing called justifiable homicide? Johnny, let's go home. Let's go home. English subtitles - IFT To me, a dollar was a dollar in any language. It was my first night in the Argentine... and I didn �t know much about the local citizens. But I knew about American sailors... and I knew I �d better get out of there. Put your hands up. Up. Get going. A cane like that can come in handy. It is a most faithful, obedient friend. It is silent when I wish to be silent. It talks when I wish to talk. - That �s your idea of a friend? - That is my idea of a friend. - You must lead a gay life. - I lead the life I like to lead. You �re a lucky man. I make my own luck. - Why are you in this neighborhood? - To save your life. He wouldn �t have killed me if I �d given him the money. But you wouldn �t have given him the money. I don �t think I would. - How did you get it? - Get what? The money you would have died for. - Gambling. - I �ll leave you here. - Thanks. - Pleasure. - I �ll do the same for you sometime. - Save my life? Give you a cigarette. With your luck, why don �t you go where there �s some real gambling? I thought it was illegal in Buenos Aires. - Oh, it is. - Oh, I see.Just like home. There �s a casino about half hour the other side of town. - Here �s the key. - Thanks. - But don �t go. - Why not? They won �t let you use your own dice. Well, I didn �t think it showed. A man who makes his own luck, as I do, recognizes another �s. In any event, they won �t let you in without a tie. The spot is not on your nose, yet. Who �s he? A loafer. Would you like a fine perfume suitable for nobility? No, thanks. We have a talcum powder as soft as rose feel. No, thanks. - Towel? - Yeah. Thank you. Hey. Who �s she? A harpy. How would you classify me? A peasant. Three red. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Number two. A thousand pesos. No more bets. Number two, black. Number two. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Two chips. A thousand pesos, sir. Cut. What? The player �s allowed to cut anytime. Of course. A thousand pesos. Cut. Cut. As usual, I made my own luck. And I knew just when to stop letting it ride. Hey, bud. The director wants to see ya. Is Brooklyn across the river here too? - Hey. - Thanks, peasant. - Where is he? - Don �t worry, bub. He �ll be here. How �d you like a thousand pesos apiece? You don �t buy your way out of this, bub. You �re in trouble. Oh, now wait a minute. All right, Casey, Huerta. Well, well. The little man with the sharp friend. I told you not to bring your own dice. Well, well, again. You really had me fooled last night. I thought you were somebody. I didn �t think you �d just be the manager of a gambling joint. My name is Ballin Mundson. Mine �s Johnny Farrell. And I �m not the manager. I own the joint. And I don �t like to be cheated. - There isn �t a dice table in the house. - Nobody wins that much honestly. - I had a lucky streak. - A very deft way of cutting cards. It took me years to learn. You ought to be in jail, but I suppose I owe you an obligation... since I saved your life. You ought to be more careful about those things. Now get out of here. Don �t come back. You know you �re being very stupid. Probably. You �d simply have me gambling on the wrong side. It �d be better if you had me on your side. I don �t like my people to cheat. I cheat with my own money, sure. But with your money, I wouldn �t have to cheat. Think it over. You know, I think I will. How much time do you give me? Oh, there �s no hurry. You can take a minute or two. Excuse me while you �re making up your mind. Not you. You really shouldn �t hit a man when he has his hands behind his back. You see? This way you �ll have two friends. You �ve no idea how faithful and obedient I can be. For a nice salary. This I must be sure of... that there is no woman anywhere. - There �s no woman anywhere. - Gambling and women do not mix. Those are the very words I use myself. - Now shall we quit talking about it? - There was one once. Get this, Mr. Mundson. I was born last night when you met me in that alley. That way I �m no past and all future. See? And I like it that way. He let me ease myself right to the top. At first I just watched the play and the checkoffs. By the way, about that time the war ended. Great news. I thought we ought to celebrate too. Oh, yes, of course. Well? I have to take a trip,Johnny. I may be gone for a while, and you �re in charge of the casino. - You �ve been promoted. - Faithful service. - Do I get a raise? - No. Fair enough? - Fair enough. - You get five percent of the profits. I �ll take seven and a half. You �re sharp,Johnny. Almost as sharp as my other little friend. - But not quite so obedient. - No? My other little friend would kill for me,Johnny. Well, that �s what friends are for. To us,Johnny. - To the three of us. - Three of us. It makes me laugh now, to think back. Me so sure it was just the three of us. I soon found out, all right. I remember it was late one afternoon. I was getting ready for the Saturday night crowd. Funny I �d remember what day it was, isn �t it? - Isn �t it enough? - For a peasant. Mr. Farrell, Mr. Mundson called. Just got back. Like you to come over to his house. Thank you. After all, I run the place. He calls me �Mr. Farrell. � Isn �t that better? You �d think a bell would �ve rung or I �d have had some instinctive warning. But I didn �t. I just... walked right into it. Senor Mundson will be down in a moment, Senor Farrell. Thanks. It �s great having him back, isn �t it? I hope it will be the same, Senor Farrell. Is that you? - Hello, Ballin. - Come on up here. - Well, what are you crying about? - I feel great,Johnny. - You look foolish. - I �ll tell you why. - Where �s the canary? - How did you know? - How did I know what? - So you don �t know. Come. This is where the canary is. Quite a surprise to hear a woman singing in my house, eh,Johnny? That �s quite a... surprise. Gilda, are you decent? Me? Sure. I �m decent. This is Johnny Farrell. This is Gilda. So this is Johnny Farrell. I �ve heard a lot about you. Really? I haven �t heard a word about you. - Why, Ballin! - I wanted to keep it as a surprise. - Was it a surprise, Mr. Farrell? - It certainly was. - You should have seen his face. - Did you tell him what I �m doing here? No. I wanted to save that as a surprise too. - Hang onto your hat. - Gilda is my wife. Mrs. Ballin Mundson, Mr. Farrell. Is that all right? Congratulations. You don �t congratulate the bride. You congratulate the husband. Really? What are you supposed to say to the bride? You wish her good luck. Good luck. Thank you. My husband tells me you �re a great believer in luck. - We make our own luck,Johnny and I. - I �ll have to try that sometime. I �ll try it right now. Tell him to come to dinner with us tonight, Ballin. It �s an order. Come along. We �ll let Gilda get dressed. Look your best, my beautiful. This will be the casino �s first glimpse of you. I �ll look my very best. I want all the hired help to approve of me. - Glad to have met you, Mr. Farrell. - His name is Johnny. Oh, I �m sorry.Johnny is such a hard name to remember... and so easy to forget. There. See you later, Mr. Farrell. That �s right, Mrs. Mundson. - I �ll see Johnny downstairs. - I �ll see him at the casino. For some reason, she doesn �t like you. Really? What makes you think that? - I know my wife. - You do? Why would she form an instant antagonism like that? - Maybe it �s chemical. - She �ll get over it. Sure. When did you meet her? The day I left for the interior. - When did you get married? - The day after that. - Quick. - When I �m on something I... You buy it quick. - Do you know anything about her at all? - It �s an odd coincidence. Listen to this. She told me she was born the night she met me. All three of us with no pasts. Just futures. Isn �t that interesting? - I think it �s fascinating. - What �s the matter with you? I thought we agreed that women and gambling didn �t mix. My wife does not come under the category of women. - I could �ve made a mistake. - You did. Don �t make it again. It starts already. What �s this? Tact. Would you come up and help me into this thing, like a darling? - See you at the casino. - In about an hour. It was all I could do to walk away. I wanted to go back up in that room and hit her. What scared me was I wanted to hit him too. I wanted to go back and see them together with me not watching. I wanted to know. I can never get a zipper to close. Maybe that stands for something. What do you think? I think you were very rude to him. - To whom? -Johnny. Was I? Oh, dear. That �s one of the things you �ll have to teach me. Good manners. I want you to like him. - You �re sure about that? - What do you mean? He �s a very attractive man... if you like the type. He �s a boy. Boys have the darnedest way of growing up, almost when you �re not looking. But I �ll be looking. - Your shoes. - About time. Do you wish me to put them on your feet? - For how much? - The charge is slight... because I find this always a revealing vantage point. The worm �s eye view... is so often the true one. Quite a philosopher, aren �t you? One hears rumors. Really? In my department comes all the gossip. Really. One hears she is very beautiful. And very young and American. You are also young and American. It will be interesting to watch. Maybe you should be fired right out on your ear. Mr. Mundson says to tell you he �s... They �re here! - Thanks. - Say, have you seen her? Cut that! - What �d I do? - You whistled. I heard you. After all, she is Mrs. Mundson. So mind your manners, see? Yes. It will be interesting to watch. Number eight, black. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Number two. No more bets. Number two, black. Two black is the winner. Number two, black. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Take over. - Friend of yours? - No, Mr. Farrell. - Going into business for yourself? - Orders, Mr. Farrell. Not my orders. I �ve been looking for you. Gambling is illegal in Argentina, right? - It isn �t right, but it �s true. - That the reason for the payoff? Payoff? - Naturally that �s the reason. - Why doesn �t it show on the books? - Why doesn �t it come out of my cut? - You �re in my complete confidence. - You may ask any questions you wish. - I just asked one. Now let �s have dinner. I was forced to leave Gilda alone when I looked for you... and Gilda �s much too beautiful to be left alone. - You �ve changed the subject. - I �ve changed the subject. I found him, Gilda. Very elusive chap, our Johnny. Sit down. Good evening, Mr. Farrell. You �re looking very beautiful. Good evening, Mrs. Mundson. Can �t you return the compliment? - You �re looking very beautiful. - Why, thank you. If there �s anything I love, it �s a spontaneous compliment like that. And because you �re so nice, I �m going to show you something. My husband gave it to me for a coming home present. - Is it cute? - 50,000 pesos, and it �s cute. - Isn �t she fabulous? - Fabulous. Wait. Let �s drink to us. To the three of us. What �s the matter? - I get confused. - Confused? Why? Well, just a few weeks ago we drank a toast to the three of us. Well, who was the third one then? Should I be jealous? -Hardly, darling.Just a friend of mine. -A him or a her? That �s a very interesting question. What do you think? - A her. - Oh! Why that conclusion? Because it looks like one thing... and right in front of your eyes it becomes another thing. Well, you haven �t much faith in the stability of women, then, have you? That �s right. One wonders what woman brought him to this pretty pass. Doesn �t one? One does. Let �s hate her. Shall we, Ballin? Let �s. Shall we,Johnny? Let �s. Now, that I �ll drink to. Pardon me for a moment. - Anything I can do? - No. I �ll be right back. Now, isn �t this something? It �s a small world in Argentina, isn �t it? Isn �t it? Why did you marry him? My husband �s a very attractive man. You don �t love him. What was that word again? You married him for his money. That happened to come with him. Oh, that �s a great way to make a living. That wouldn �t be the big pot calling the kettle black, would it? I was down and out. He picked me up, put me on my feet. Now, isn �t that an amazing coincidence? That �s practically the story of my life. Hello. Good evening, senorita. Senor, I am Capitan Delgado. I would like to dance with your lady. - The answer is no. - The answer is yes. - I �d love it. - But the young man... The young man would love it too. But he can �t afford it. - Women can be extremely annoying. - You �re in again. Mauricio Miguel Obregon. At your service. So that �s your name. Hey, look. I �ve been watching you for weeks now. - That makes us even. - You don �t gamble. You don �t drink. What are you hanging around here for? The atmosphere has always interested me. Now it positively fascinates me. - You could be a professional dancer. - I am. I mean, I was. That �s against our union rules. I always observe the rules and regulations. - How is it that I have never seen you? - I didn �t dance here. - Oh, where? - America. This is notAmerica? I mean New York. - Your young man, is he too... - He �s not my young man. The expression on his face says that he wishes he were. The rules and regulations, remember? The rules are very changeable, my lady. They change with the weather. - Everything all right? - Quite all right. Who are the two Krauts? I �ve seen them before. - Messenger boys. - Whose? I just wanted to know if you �re in trouble. Apparently I �m in serious trouble. My wife seems to be missing. She �s dancing. You shouldn �t have allowed it. She wanted to dance with the guy. What do you want me to do? She �s not my... She �s your wife. - Go get her. - Now, wait a minute. She �s your... That �s exactly the reason. A husband always looks ridiculous... dragging his wife from another man �s arms. - I �ll get her, Ballin. - Thank you. Pardon me, but your husband is showing. Oh. Thank you. Perhaps again sometime. Until that sometime I shall only miserably exist, senora. I always say there �s something about Latin men. For one thing, they can dance. For another thing... - What �s your telephone number? - Oh, it �s... Never mind. I �ll give you mine. Cujo 3-0-1 -7. What did you say to him? I just told him if a man answers, hang up. Wasn �t that all right? You can �t talk to men here the way you would at home. They don �t understand it. - Understand what? - They think you mean it. Mean what? Doesn �t it bother you at all that you �re married? What I want to know is, does it bother you? I �m beginning to think I �ve misjudged your Johnny. - Oh? - He can be quite sweet. So protective. Johnny takes care of all the things that belong to me. He runs the joint. Hear that? You �re to take care of me because I belong to the boss. How will you like that? I do all kinds of odd jobs. I �ll bet this is the oddest job you ever had. Now, then, before we were interrupted... I believe we were about to drink a toast, so... disaster to the wench who did wrong by our Johnny. No, Gilda? You won �t drink to that? Why not? Disaster to the wench. She had what it took to say it... but I knew it scared her. I knew it would haunt her. Anyone as superstitious as Gilda, out loud, asking for disaster. - You �re still dressed. - Yes. - Anything wrong? - Everything �s wonderful. - But I told you zippers throw me. - May I help? Thank you. You �ll have a maid in the morning. - Will she be old and ugly? - If those are your orders. I think that �s good business to surround yourself... with ugly women and beautiful men. Yes. You knew him before. Who? You knew him before. Don �t lie to me. I �m telling you the truth. I didn �t know him. I don �t think I �ve ever known him. I see. You �re a child, Gilda. A beautiful, greedy child. And it amuses me to feed you beautiful things... because you eat with such a good appetite. But I shouldn �t make any mistakes. You shouldn �t. If you �re worried about Johnny Farrell... don �t be. - I hate him. - And he hates you. That �s very apparent. But hate can be a very exciting emotion. Very exciting. Haven �t you noticed that? - You make it sound... - There is a heat that one can feel. Didn �t you feel it tonight? I did. It warmed me. Hate is the only thing that has ever warmed me. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. No more bets. - Number 13 black. - That �s me! You mean this has been going on for years, and I didn �t know about it? One is not always so lucky. I am. You should watch out. The superstitious have an old saying. Lucky at cards, unlucky at love. It �s a good thing I �m not. - Not what? - Superstitious. - Keep it for me. - Yes, Mrs. Mundson. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Number two. No more bets. - Got a light? - Yes, Mrs. Mundson. It is so crowded and yet so lonely. Isn �t it? - How did you know? - You smoke too much. I �ve noticed. Only frustrated people smoke too much... and only lonely people are frustrated. Well, aren �t you cute? Cute! Me? Awfully cute. I think I �m gonna like you. - Oh, I �m sorry! - Nothing personal, I hope. No. I was just tossing away my frustration. And it landed right on me. - Maybe that means something? - It does. We �re gonna have a drink together. No, I... On the other hand, I �d love to. Now we �ll see. See what? Whether you are a gentleman, as you say, or a peasant, as I say. The beautiful one is at the bar. She �ll probably have trouble. Really? - What kind of trouble? - A man. He �s very good-looking. Your source of income is in his office. He will probably have trouble. - What kind of trouble? - Also a man. Not so good-looking. Now we know. You are what I said. Any losses that you incurred in business were reimbursed across casino tables. Regularly and very generously. But in spite of orders, you sell tungsten wire to the Bendolan Company. But Mr. Bendolan can �t manufacture electric light globes... without tungsten wire for filaments. - He can �t continue in business... - We don �t wish him to continue. Isn �t that clear? But he �s the only outlet for my product in this territory. If I don �t sell to him, I can �t continue in business. - Don �t you understand that? - Perfectly. And that doesn �t matter to you, does it? On the contrary, I sympathize with you deeply. Life is very difficult for the defenseless ones in the world. Yes. As you say. Thank you, Mr. Mundson. I thought we were in the gambling business. Leave me alone. I never heard of a game played with electric light globes. Let �s join Gilda for a drink, shall we? Sure. Hey. Better let me case the joint first. - Case the joint? - See if the coast is clear. I didn �t like the look on the defenseless one �s face. - That mouse! - I didn �t like the look on his face. All right. Gilda was right. You are protective. That �s me all over. Give me five minutes. - Maybe you didn �t notice I �m dancing. - You were dancing. - Hey, what �s the idea? - Oh, you �ll get used to it. I �ve never been able to finish a dance in here yet. When Ballin comes down, I want you sitting in a booth alone. You �re sure it �s Ballin who objects to my having friends? I want to know, who is this guy? Johnny Farrell. He runs the joint. This is Gabe Evans, all the way from New York. Isn �t he pretty? Just darling. Now get him out of here. But I like him. If he leaves, I go with him. That �s all right with me too. What �s keeping you? Not a thing. Let �s go where we can have some fun. - Like I said? - Exactly like you said. Didn �t hear about me, Gabe? If I �d been a ranch, they would �ve named me the Bar Nothin �. - The coast is clear, I take it? - Very clear. Look, I �m a big boy now. You can tell me things. Gilda warned me that you �d grow up. By the way, where is she? - Gilda? - Yes. She was bored. There �s an American picture in town. She went to see it. - Alone? - Who would she go with? She doesn �t know anybody down here. You �d know more about that than I would, wouldn �t you? Bad form, to make a scene in public. The ocean would have been quieter. - Only fools ruin themselves gambling. - Gambling? What else? - Come on home. - What happened to him? Come on. Did he kill himself? Yes. When a man becomes weak enough to accept a bribe, he is already a dying man. - Didn �t bother you, did it? - That he killed himself? No. But it did bother me that back there, you were afraid. Oh, no. I was amazed. I realize that something could happen to me. That �s why I �m going to tell you something. Come in. Over here,Johnny. Remember this,Johnny. Remember this too. Could you do it now by yourself? Yes. Eight left, twenty-four right... two left... seventeen right. You �re the only one who knows the combination. If anything should ever happen to me, there are papers in there. Signatures and instructions how to carry on. Thanks for not letting me down. You �re not just the owner of a gambling joint, eh? You know what a cartel is? I think so. A trust. A monopoly of some kind, isn �t it? An international monopoly. Big business, huh? Monopoly in what? Tungsten. That doesn �t impress you. I don �t know much about it. I mean, I don �t know... if it �s worth getting shot at for the pleasure of monopolizing it. A man who controls a strategic material... can control the world. Oh, now, the world �s a pretty big place. Made up of stupid little people. Well... if anybody can do it, I �d lay eight to five you �re the baby who can. And you �d win. Let �s go downstairs and have a drink. With you and Gilda on my side... You are on my side? - I told you that. - And Gilda? - What do you mean? - Women are funny little creatures. I don �t know much about them. Odd things are important to them. Really? I bought her. Just as I bought you. She knows that, doesn �t she? That �s just it. Money doesn �t mean very much to Gilda. If she should become restless... I �m mad about her. Mad. What do you think of that? Why, I think it �s great. Because she is on your side. I �d lay eight to five on that too. And I �d win. Well, I �d better be getting back to the joint. Know what? I have the funniest feeling we �re not alone. Maybe we �re haunted. Maybe if we go inside it �ll go away. Besides being pretty, you �re positively intelligent. Come on. I have the funniest feeling somebody said something. Maybe the lady forgot to tell you. Her husband lives here. For a long, long time I �ve taken husbands little by little... in small doses, so that now I �ve developed a complete immunity to them. You �re through for the evening, son. Scram. Ah, so he runs this joint too, does he? - I said scram. - For two cents, I �d... You �d what? That �s great, hitting a man when he �s drunk. He shouldn �t get drunk on my time. - On your time? - I thought that was settled. I take care of everything that belongs to the boss. What �s his is yours? You went to a picture show tonight. Alone. Really. Would you like to know whether I enjoyed it? That �s your story. That �s what I told Ballin. That �s what you �re gonna tell him. Making me deceive my husband. I got some news for you, Gilda. He didn �t just buy something. - He �s in love with you. - Is that so hard to understand? - And you �re not gonna... - I �ve got news for you. I �m going to do exactly what I please, when I please. I was true to one man once, and look what happened. - I made up my mind then... - This isn �t about us. It �s about him. Really? - You don �t say so. - And get this straight. I don �t care what you do. But I �m gonna see to it that it looks all right to him. From now on, you go anywhere with anyone you please... but I �m gonna take you there and pick you up and bring you home. Get that? Exactly the way I �d take and pick up his laundry. Shame on you,Johnny. Any psychiatrist could tell your thought associations are very revealing. What are you talking about? Any psychiatrist would tell you that means something. - Did you hear what I said? - Sure. You �re going to pick me up. All to protect Ballin. Who do you think you �re kidding? I hated her so I couldn �t get her out of my mind for a minute. She was in the air I breathed... and the food I ate. At first I thought I was Just dreaming it. I �d been hearing her voice in my sleep for nights anyway. Then I realized... When Mrs. O �Leary �s cow Kicked the lantern In Chicago town They say that started the fire That burned Chicago down That �s the story that went around But here �s the real lowdown Put the blame on Mame, boys Put the blame on Mame Mame kissed a fire from out of town That kiss burned Chicago down So you can put the blame on Mame, boys Put the blame on Mame Remember the blizzard back in Manhattan In 1886 They say that traffic was tied up And folks were in a fix That �s the story that went around But here �s the real lowdown Put the blame on Mame, boys Put the blame on Mame Mame gave a chump such an ice-cold no For seven days they shoveled snow So you can put the blame on Mame, boys Put the... Oh, good morning. Howvery pretty you look in your nightgown. - What are you doing here? - Singing to my friend. - Isn �t that all right? - How long you been here? - How long? - Five verses. - What are you doing here? - Listening. I just finished my work. Did you hear about that poor little cow got blamed for... Get out of here. Get back to your washroom where you belong. Put a beggar on horseback, huh, Uncle Pio? Well, here �s the laundry, waiting to be picked up. Where have you been? Swimming. I bet you don �t believe me. I bet Ballin won �t either, unless you �re there to back me up. You went swimming with me. Didn �t we have a good time? - Swimming. - That �s what it says here. Where �s your bathing suit? Under this. - Wanna see? - I �ll get dressed. I hate to drag you out this time of the morning... but it �s your idea, you know. Why don �t you make it easy on yourself, and let him find out about me? Or are you afraid of what he might do to me? - I am. - What? Afraid. You? Oh,Johnny, I wish I �d never... Never what? Getting married on the rebound is so stupid. Rebound from what? You. Because you don �t know a man... you �ve only known one day. He doesn �t know you either. That way you start even. All fair and even. Would it interest you to know how much I hate you? Very much. I hate you so much that... I would destroy myself to take you down with me. Now I �ve warned you. Now, that �s all fair and even. All fair and even. Would it interest you that I know why you �re here at 5:00 in the morning? I told you, I �m the laundry. I �m simply obeying instructions. Now who �s kidding who? Now that you �ve delivered me, don �t you want a receipt from the man? You �re up. - Yes. - Late to bed, early to rise... Let Gilda talk,Johnny. I thought I could sneak out and get back without waking you. We went swimming. You were asleep. - Yes. - All of a sudden, I had to go swimming. It was so hot. - You weren �t worried, were you? - Yes. I �m terribly sorry. - Is that what �s making you so nervous? - Nervous? No. I... Well, a terrible thing happened to me. No wonder I �m nervous. What happened to you? I lost that beautiful clip you gave me. The one that cost so much. Is that all? Well, isn �t that enough to make a person nervous? A clip can be replaced. Thanks for being so nice about it. I �m terribly sorry. A clip can be replaced. You see, I thought I had lost you. Me? - Not a chance. - And that couldn �t be replaced. Shall we have a drink before I start to cry? You see,Johnny doesn �t think that would be a tragedy, if you lost me. Statistics show that there are more women in the world than anything else. Except insects. On that charming observation, I shall walk out. Just to change my clothes. I want to have breakfast with you. Oh, by the way... I want to mention that Johnny is a terrific swimmer. This morning he outdistanced me beautifully. But someday there �ll be a return match... and then look out, Johnny Farrell. Yeah? You �ll have to teach me how. - How to what? - Swim. What else? Sure. Anytime. Apparently you �re very good at it. Pretty good. Did you teach Gilda how to swim? I taught her everything she knows. Does that satisfy you? Wait a minute, fellows. Let �s take that trombone part over... and make it a little cleaner. Julio! You can �t tell me where to put nothing! These are things which the merrymakers add to their costumes. I wonder if you care to make a choice. You have a great sense of humor, haven �t you? Which one would you suggest? I would suggest, whatever you wear... you start out as this and end up as this. Really. How did you figure that out? Tonight it is the beautiful one �s party all the way. She has changed the decorations... she has changed the orchestra. It isn �t too much to think that she will change... I warned you once. You didn �t seem to hear me. - Now you �re through. - Through? With what? The casino. Your job. You �re fired. You are mistaken. I will be here after you are gone... Mr. Peasant. You asked me one time... what a great philosopher like me is doing in the washroom. - Now I will tell you. - Go on. Because to my department comes all the gossip, and that way... He �s not here. No one is here, you see. Maybe we should have had that �private � sign printed in German too. Or maybe you can �t speak Spanish, but I assure you, it does say �private � That �s right. We intend to see Mr. Mundson. He �s been avoiding us. Didn �t you hear? Mr. Mundson is allergic to messenger boys. The American Indian, as always... walks into something that does not concern him. That �s an old American custom. Mr. Mundson is having an invited party tonight. You are uninvited. Tell the old man to go away. No. You go away. We intend to see Mr. Mundson. You said that before. I said... Get him on the telephone. Please. Why didn �t you say what you wanted? Mr. Mundson. This is Mr. Farrell. Some people wish to add these to their costumes. In my collection I have two lovely heads of pigs, if you... No sale, Uncle Pio. They �lljust use... their own faces. Oh, Ballin? There �re a couple of nice kids here with German accents. I think they �d like to make an appointment with you. By the way, one of them has a gun in my back. Tell them... Tell them to come here in an hour. And Johnny... you come now, will you? Immediately. Listen, Maria. Carnival. Yes, little one. Carnival. What does it mean, Maria, exactly? Carnival is the last three days preceding the Lent... which in Roman Catholic countries... is giving up to feasting and merrymaking. Then come the fasting and the penance. In other words, make hay while the sun shines. You have a strange language, little one. Oh, I mean... three days of sowing wild oats... and then comes the harvest. You know, Maria... I have the funniest feeling. Don �t tell anybody, but... I �m most awfully superstitious. Don �t tell anybody. I have the funniest feeling that... this is it. It? I mean... that for me too, it �s Carnival, Maria. Gilda. - Yes, Ballin? - May I come in? Of course. I �m going to be delayed. Johnny will take you to the party. - What �s the matter? - With me? You �re very excited about something tonight, my beautiful. Perhaps it �s in the air. Perhaps you shouldn �t have opened the window. Close it. There. See how quiet it is now. See how easily one can shut away excitement? Just by closing a window. Remember that, Gilda. I want to have a look at you... in your costume before you go. I see you �re going to carry a whip. Have you warned Johnny, so he can also arm himself? Nobody could ever dance like you,Johnny. When a person dances with you... it �s like they �re a part of you,Johnny. - It �s like... - You haven �t improved any. You always did talk your head off all the time you were dancing. You used to say, �For Pete �s sake, Gilda, one thing at a time. � Then you used to say, �Talk or dance... but don �t do both things at the same time. � - You used to say... - I still say it. I have to keep talking,Johnny. As long as I have my arms around you I have to keep talking, or... I might forget to dance. What do you think you �re trying to do? I �m not even trying very hard, but... I �m doing it. Doing what? - Push my hat back,Johnny. - It �s all right. Push it back. You �re out of practice, aren �t you? Dancing, I mean. I could help you get in practice again,Johnny. Dancing, I mean. Good evening, Mr. Farrell. - Thank you. - Obregon. - I �m in again, as you put it. - Oh, yeah. Practically �old home � week. We �re all here. Yes, we are all here, Mr. Farrell. I would suggest that you see that Mrs. Mundson goes home. - You would suggest? - There �s gonna be trouble. I suggest that you see that she �s out of here before the unmasking at 12:00. You know, you sound like a very bad melodrama. Excuse me. - What are you trying to do? - Oh,Johnny. And here �s the comedy relief. Now the drama is complete. - Is that a crack? - What do you want? I got a letter for you. She said she was sorry she didn �t get to say good-bye. No bad news, I hope. -Johnny, she left... - What �s that to you? Nothing, believe me. But you sure act sore about it. You �d think that... Get back on the door, and from now on, check everybody that comes in here. Okay, okay. But she didn �t come in. She went out. Lose something, Mr. Farrell? Hello, Ballin. I didn �t know you �d arrived. - But obviously I did arrive. - Obviously. Where �s Gilda,Johnny? She �s around somewhere. It �s hard to keep track of anyone in this mob. Find her for me,Johnny. Sure. I won �t guarantee how long it �s gonna take. I �ll wait. I �m a great one for waiting,Johnny. Take your mask off. It �s time to unmask. It might be a good idea for us to go home, Ballin. Why? Because a man drank too much? It was one of the messenger boys, and he didn �t drink too much, Ballin. He was murdered. Good. Saves us the trouble. Did you keep your appointment with them? No, I missed them. Did you find Gilda? Find her. Take her home. No, I �ll stick with you. There �s an old chemin de fer. You play for the full stake, or you pass the shoe. You can �t rule the world by passing the shoe,Johnny. - I still think we oughta go home. - Do as I tell you. Take Gilda home. I told you once, I expect my little friends to be obedient,Johnny. - Speaking of little friends... - Don �t. Wait for me at home,Johnny. I may need both of my little friends tonight. Okay, Ballin. This is Mr. Mundson speaking. Call the flying field. Tell them to proceed as instructed. Is that clear? Proceed as instructed. Ballin was wrong, wasn �t he? About what? He said you can shut out excitement by just closing a door. You can �t, can you? I don �t know what you �re talking about. I was just mentioning how... quiet it was in the house. There isn �t anybody here but us, you know. Everybody �s celebrating Carnival. What about it? I was just mentioning it. Good night,Johnny. I couldn �t get it out of my head... what she said about nobody being in the house but us. I thought of Ballin back in the casino, fighting for his life... and this little... I knewthat all his plans, all his dreams of greatness... would be wrecked because of what she was doing to him. I knew he wasn �t strong enough to throw her out. I knew it was up to me. I had to get rid of her for him. Get your clothes on. You �re getting out of here. Are we,Johnny? Are we? Not �we. � You! You do hate me, don �t you,Johnny? I don �t think you have any idea how much. Hate is a very exciting emotion. Haven �t you noticed? Very exciting. I hate you too,Johnny. I hate you so much that... I think I �m going to die from it. Darling. I think I �m going to die from it. You left it open when you came in. Ballin! Africa �s more than 2,000 miles away. I don �t think he �ll make it. I don �t think he intends to try. - You managed it. - Naturally. - The seaplane is waiting? - Yes, sir. You run into some trouble, boss? An unfortunate murder. The detective, Obregon, knows that I did it. I �ll stay away as long as necessary, and then I �ll go back... and attend to something. In the will we found, Ballin had left everything to Gilda... with me as sole executor. I finally had them in my hands... the little pieces of paper that Ballin said would let a man rule the world. At first I was puzzled, because it didn �t seem like much. A tungsten mine, a few patents... a dozen or so small corporations joined together to form one organization... with Mundson at the head. But then I sawthe potential power of such a group... saw how it could grow and spread... and gobble up anyone who dared stand alone against it. You have all come a long way to find out what is gonna happen... to your association. I �ve told you. Now you can return, having found out that nothing has changed. Nothing. I �ll carry on where Mr. Mundson left off. - Anything else, gentlemen? -Just one thing. It seems to me that no one man should be at the head of our organization. - I think it would be better... - You heard the will. I �m the sole executor. It �s gonna be business as usual. But Mrs. Mundson is the sole legatee. Mrs. Mundson is in no condition right now to see anyone. Her husband �s death has hit her very hard. She �s asked me to represent her with the stockholders. However, we need be in no hurry to leave. There �s a chance that she may recover. Not a chance in the world. You see, Mrs. Mundson is marrying me this afternoon. Look,Johnny. It �s stopped raining. Maybe that means something. - You haven �t gotten over it, have you? - Gotten over what? Being superstitious. Come on. Where,Johnny? Not back to the house. What kind of a guy do you think I am? I don �t think anybody really knows that but me,Johnny. Not even you. All of my clothes are here. Even my perfume. - You think of everything, don �t you? - Everything. We �re right back where we started, aren �t we, darling? Right back where... Right back where we started. Johnny, that isn �t even decent. What was that word again, Gilda? Decent. I said, decent. That �s what I thought you said. That sounded funny coming out of you, Gilda. She didn �t knowthen what was happening to her. She didn �t knowthen that what she heard... was the door closing on her own cage. She hadn �t been faithful to him when he was alive... but she was gonna be faithful to him nowthat he was dead. What are you doing, coming to work tonight? I believe in my duties and my job and all that... Good. Because you got one, a new one. From now on, you �re to stick with Mrs. Mundson. Mrs.... Mrs. Farrell. Wherever she goes, you �re to be there. She �s not to talk to anyone, and no one �s to talk to her. Get that? Gee,Johnny. Is she in danger or something? You will be, I guarantee, if you don �t do exactly as I told you. Oh, sure, sure. You were interestingly quiet this afternoon. What I have to say, I have to say to you and not the others. I �m flattered. Would you like to know how Mundson came to be the head of the cartel? You �ve seen that the patents are German, haven �t you? - They were originally. - Exactly. - They belong to my principals. - Not anymore. Three years ago, when it began to seem... thatArgentina might find it necessary to declare war against us... we made an arrangement with Mundson. We allowed him to buy our patents. Good idea. The casino makes a nice front. We even advanced him the money with which to buy them from us. Well, you couldn �t have picked a nicer man. We had an agreement with Mundson... that at the end of the war he would turn our property back to us. - I didn �t find any agreement. - It was a gentleman �s agreement. I see. And Mr. Mundson wasn �t a gentleman. He was a madman, Mr. Farrell. He thought he could rule the world, alone. I know. We had quite a discussion about it. She still didn �t believe I wasn �t coming back. Every night she got all dressed up... and waited. But a girl like Gilda couldn �t stand not knowing the why of things. So she decided to swallow her pride and come to see me. That was wonderful. Yes? Hello. Remember me? I �m Gilda, your wife. Remember? You haven �t been around lately. I thought maybe you were an amnesia victim or something. Got a light? You don �t look so hot. Do you know that? You �re losing weight. This vacuum I �m living in. - Mind giving me a reason? - Not at all. You �ve had such a full life up to now... I thought a little peace and quiet would do you good. - Give you time to think. - Think about what? Would it be too corny to say your sins? - Yes, it would. - Well, I said it. You �re cockeyed,Johnny, all cockeyed. I figured that �s what the deal was. You �re getting even with me for something. We �re great people for getting even, aren �t we,Johnny? - Are we? - Aren �t we? Didn �t I get even with you for walking out on me, by marrying Ballin? That �s just great. The man �s dead and... And I �m glad. What do you think of that? He was insane,Johnny. - I was afraid all the time. - You acted like it. Johnny, there �s never been anybody but you and me. All those things I did were... just to make you jealous,Johnny. There �s never been anybody but you and me. Not anybody? Not anybody. What about your husband? If you can forget him so easily, you could forget the others too. - But there weren �t any others! - Admit them. When you admit them and tell me who they were. You wouldn �t think one woman could marry two insane men in one lifetime... now would you? She wasn �t scared yet... because she didn �t quite realize yet. Right now she was just plain mad, and she was hitting back. I want you to try and locate a Mr. Gabe Evans for me. Try all the hotels in the city, but locate him. She couldn �t find him... so she just reached out for anyone. They weren �t hard to find for a girl like Gilda. The waiter told him he had a telephone call. One of my men grabbed him outside. He never came back. She found somebody else, of course. But wherever she went, whatever she did... It finally got to her that Buenos Aires was her own private prison. That �s when she decided to run away. She went to Montevideo, got a job singing in a nightclub... started divorce proceedings and met a man. Amado mio Love me forever And let forever Begin tonight Amado mio When we �re together I �m in a dream world Of sweet delight Many times I �ve whispered Amado mio It was just a phrase that I heard in plays I was acting a part But now when I whisper Amado mio Can �t you tell I care by the feeling there For it comes from my heart My one endeavor My love My darling Will be to hold you And hold you tight Amado mio Love me forever And let forever Begin Tonight Amado mio Love me forever And let forever Begin Tonight �Let forever be tonight. � Is that a date, Gilda? I can �t make any forever dates, Tom. I haven �t even got my divorce yet. - I haven �t any right to. - I don �t want you to. - Want me to what? - Get a divorce. You don �t? A divorce you get in Montevideo, without your husband �s consent... will never stand up in Argentina. I don �t want to go back to Argentina ever. - So what difference does it... - Or at home. You may want to go home sometime, darling. Wherever you go for the rest of your life, you �ll be tied to him. You �ll never be free. Then it didn �t do any good to run away. No good at all. Never does any good to run away, Gilda. Go back to Buenos Aires. And get an annulment. You told me your husband left you immediately after the ceremony. There �s nothing to it. And I �ll be with you, darling, right by your side every minute. I �m a very good lawyer, you know. I �ve more money than I know what to do with. I �m very much in love with you. That �s kind of a terrific combination, don �t you think? That �s kind of a terrific combination. The plane leaves at 2:00. At 2:00 the next day you �ll be free. Darling, utterly free. I didn �t think I �d ever trust a man again as long as I lived... but here I go again. Thanks, Tom. Tom, this is the Hotel Centenario. Isn �t it all right? I was told it �s a good hotel. Why, I think it �s wonderful. Just wonderful. - I �ll do it. - Your bags will be up any minute, sir. Thank you, sir. The light switch is here somewhere, if my memory doesn �t fail me. Okay, Langford. I �ll do it anyway. I �ll get an annulment. I don �t need anybody �s... Didn �t Langford tell you? There �s no such thing as annulment in Argentina. Then I �ll get it anyway! I will! I �ll get an annulment! I will! I will! I �ll get it! I �ll get it! Oh,Johnny, please let me go. I can �t stand it anymore. I don �t want anything from you. But please... just let me go. That was a nice touch, bringing you back here. Let me tell you about that night. I don �t want to hear about that night. Can �t you understand? I don �t want to hear about that night. - I was waiting for you, Mr. Farrell. - Find anything interesting? What are you stalling for? Why don �t you close the joint up if it bothers you so much? Why do you think we �ve allowed the casino to stay open? Because a smart cop doesn �t arrest the purse snatcher... if the little thief will lead him to the bigger crime. I don �t know what you �re talking about. We know you �re the head of a tungsten monopoly, Mr. Farrell. What we want to know is the names of the participants. I still don �t know what you �re talking about. I �ll wait. You �re breaking up in little pieces right in front of my eyes, you know. Am I wearing you down, I hope? - You. - Well, something is. Really? Well, I �ll have to take a look sometime. I hadn �t not... When they had the earthquake in San Francisco Back in nineteen-six They said that old Mother Nature Was up to her old tricks That �s the story that went around But here �s the real lowdown Put the blame on Mame, boys Put the blame on Mame One night she started to shim and shake That brought on the Frisco quake So you can put the blame on Mame, boys Put the blame on Mame They once had a shootin � up in the Klondike When they got Dan McGrew Folks were puttin �the blame on The lady known as Lou That �s the story that went around But here �s the real lowdown Put the blame on Mame, boys Put the blame on Mame Mame did a dance called the hootchie-coo That �s the thing that slew McGrew Put the blame on Mame, boys Put the blame on Mame More! I �m not very good at zippers. But maybe if I had some help. - I �ll help you. - I am an expert. Blow, you guys. I hate to do this, but you know,Johnny. - Leave me alone. - Come on. What do you mean by... Now they all know what I am, and that should make you happy,Johnny. It �s no use just you knowing it,Johnny. Now they all know that the mighty Johnny Farrell got taken... and that he married a... The German has been arrested. He will give us the information we want. Now all we want from you are the patents and the agreements with signatures. Let me tell you why we must know... who these signers are, Mr. Farrell. So they can be prosecuted legally for breaking the antitrust laws. You didn �t hear a word of it, did you? All you can think of is the way Gilda looked at you when you struck her. You two kids love each other pretty terribly, don �t you? I hate her. That �s what I mean. It �s the most curious love-hate pattern... I �ve ever had the privilege of witnessing. And as long as you �re as sick in the head as you are about her... you �re not able to think about anything clearly. All right, Mr. Farrell. You �re under arrest for illegally operating a gambling casino. I �m gonna let you stay here under protective custody. Send for me when you can �t stand it anymore. I intend to have those signatures. I can out-wait you, Mr. Farrell. You see, I have the law on my side. It �s a very comfortable feeling. It �s something you ought to try sometime. Eight left, twenty-four right, two left, seventeen right. - You got that? - I �ve got it. That �s the combination to the safe. There �s everything in there you want, and nothing in there that I want. No. That �s at the casino, waiting. When you finally sent for me, I sent for Gilda. She �s going home, you know. Home? Clear home? The least you could do is say good-bye and wish her luck. She makes her own luck. How dumb can a man be? Do me a favor and get out of here before you realize what a heel you �ve been. I couldn �t bear it to see you break down and feel like a human being. I �m a very sensitive man, for a cop. Gilda didn �t do any of those things you �ve been losing sleep over. Not any of them. It was just an act, every bit of it. And I �ll give you credit. You were a great audience, Mr. Farrell. Would you like, perhaps, a tiny drink of ambrosia... suitable only for a goddess? No, thank you. Mr. Obregon told me that the place has been taken over by the government. Don �t think about it. A cigarette, perhaps? Blended of the finest tobaccos... from the most romantic places of the world. No, thank you. It all looks lonely, doesn �t it? All dead things end up lonely, little one. I know that, don �t I? You can keep your silly epigrams to yourself, can �t you? Uncle Pio. I hear you �re going home. I came to say good-bye. I want to go with you, Gilda. Please take me. I know I did everything wrong. Isn �t it wonderful? Nobody has to apologize... because... we were both such stinkers, weren �t we? Isn �t it wonderful? Wonderful. I didn �t intend to come back so soon, but I want my wife. You thought I died that night, didn �t you? I �d murdered a man and wanted simply to disappear for a while, that �s all. I came to the house that night to get Gilda, to take her with me. But I found her occupied... with you,Johnny. I had neither the time nor the inclination for an emotional scene. By the time the harbor police reached the plane wreckage... I was gone, of course, in the launch I had waiting. You didn �t see me parachute out, did you? You weren �t seeing very clearly that night anyway, were you? Emotion is so apt to cloud the brain, isn �t it? I intended to kill you with this,Johnny. I thought it amusing to have one of my little friends kill the other. But now it won �t do... because I have to kill Gilda, too. I told you I �d be looking... Better get out of here, Uncle Pio, quick! You know, I �m a great cop, Mr. Farrell. I �m certainly a pushover for a love story. I know the combination of the safe, and I don �t know where the safe is. The safe. Where is it? It �s in his room on the wall, back of the desk. Thanks. Say, haven �t I seen that cane somewhere before? You have. You shouldn �t leave things like that laying around where I can get them. He �s lying, like the gentleman I always said he was. - Mr. Policeman, it was I... - Keep your mouth shut. You two can quit being noble anytime you like... because a man can only die once, and Mundson committed suicide months ago. Besides, didn �t you ever hear of a thing called justifiable homicide? Johnny, let �s go, hmm? Let �s go home. Subtitles By Bobalote Inc. Buenos Aires N' (orchestra: mambo) (dice clattering) MAN (narrating): To me, a dollar was a dollar in any language. It was my first night in the Argentine, and I didn't know much about the local citizens. But I knew about American sailors, and I knew I'd better get out of there. (water lapping) Put your hands up. Up! - Ow! - (gun clatters on ground) (water splashes) Get going- A cane like that can come in handy. It is a most faithful and obedient friend. It is silent when I wish to be silent. It talks when I wish to talk. - That's your idea of a friend? - That is my idea of a friend. - You must lead a gay life. - I lead the life I like to lead. - You're a lucky man. - I make my own luck. What are you doing in a neighborhood like this? - I came down to save your life. - Don't overdo it. He wouldn't have killed me if I had given him the money. But you wouldn't have given him the money. - Mmm, I don't think I would. - How did you get it? - Get what? - The money you would have died for. - Gambling. - I'll leave you here. - Oh, thanks. - Pleasure. - I'll do the same for you sometime. - Save my life? Give you a cigarette. With your luck, why don't you go where there's some real gambling? - I thought it was illegal in Buenos Aires. - Oh, it is. Oh, I see. Just like home. There's a casino about a half hour the other side of town. - Here's the key. - Thanks. - But don't go. - Why not? They won't let you use your own dice. Well, I didn't think it showed. (chuckles) A man who makes his own luck, as I do, recognizes another's. In any event, they won't let you in without a tie. The spot is not on your nose yet. - Who's he? - N (orchestra: tango) A loafer. Would you like a fine perfume suitable for nobility? No, thanks. We have a talcum powder as soft as rose silk. No, thanks. - Towel? - Yeah. Thank you. - Oh. - Mm-hmm. (wolf whistle) Hey. Who's she? A harPY- (chuckles) Well, how would you classify me? Peasant. N (tango continues) (people chattering) CROUPIER: Fa/tes vosjeux mesdames. Fa/tes vosjeux, mess/eurs. Fa/tes vosjeux. (continues in French, indistinct) Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Place your bets. Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets. (croupiers chattering in English, French, Spanish) Mesdames et messieurs, faites vos jeux. F altes vos jeux mesdames e! messieurs. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Place your bets. Fa/tes vosjeux, mesdames e1 mess/eurs. Fa/tes vosjeux. (Speaking Spanish) Number two. A thousand pesos. - No more bets. - (roulette wheel spinning) (roulette ball clattering) Number two. Black. - Numéro deux. No/r. - (crowd chattering) CROUPIER: Number two. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Place your bets. (speaking Spanish) Place your bets. Two chips. A thousand pesos, sir. - Cut. - What? - Player's allowed to cut at any time. - Of course. A thousand pesos. Cut. Cut. NARRATOR: As usual, Imade my own luck. And I knew just when to stop letting it ride. N (orchestra: rumba) N (orchestra: rumba) Hey, bud. The director wants to see ya. Is Brooklyn across the river here too? Vamos. - (whistles) Hey. - Thanks, peasant. (clears throat) (sighs) Where is he? Don't worry, bub. He'll be here. How'd you like a thousand pesos apiece? You don't buy your way out of this, bub. You're in trouble. Oh, now, wait a minute. MAN: All right, Casey, Huerta. Well, well. The little man with the sharp friend. - I told you not to bring your own dice. - Well, well again. You really had me fooled last night. I thought you were somebody. I didn't think you'd just be the manager of a gambling joint. My name is Ballin Mundson. Mine's Johnny Farrell. And I'm not the manager. I own the joint. And I don't like to be cheated. There isn't a dice table in the house. Nobody wins that much money at twenty-one honestly. - I had a lucky streak. - A very deft way of cutting cards. Took me years to learn. Of course, you ought to be in jail. But I suppose I owe you an obligation, since I saved your life. Hey, you ought to be more careful about those things. Now get out of here. Don't come back. Mmm. Now, you know, you're being very stupid. Probably. You simply had me gambling on the wrong side. I'll be better if you had me on your side. I don't like my people to cheat. I cheat with my own money, sure. But with your money, I wouldn't have to cheat. Think it over. You know, I think I will. How much time do you give me? Oh, there's no hurry. You can take a minute or two. Excuse me while you're making up your mind. (whistles) Not you. You really shouldn't hit a man when he has his hands behind his back. You see? This way, you'll have two friends. You've no idea how faithful and obedient I can be - for a nice salary. This I must be sure of- that there is no woman anywhere. - There's no woman anywhere. - Gambling and women do not mix. Those are the very words I use myself. - Now, shall we quit talking about it? - There was one once. Get this, Mr. Mundson. I was born last night when you met me in that alley. That way, I'm no past, and all future, see? And I like it that way. JOHNNY (narrating): He let me ease myself right to the top. At first, I just watched the play and the checkoffs. By the way, about that time, the war ended. N' (crowd singing anthem in Spanish) N' (crowd singing over loudspeaker) (singing inaudible) N' (singing over speaker) Great news. I thought we ought to celebrate too. Oh, yes, of course. Well - (speaker clicks off) I have to take a trip, Johnny. I may be gone for a while, and you're in charge of the casino. - You've been promoted. - Faithful service. - Do I get a raise? - No. - Fair enough? - Fair enough. - But you do get five percent of the profits. - I'll take seven and a half. (laughs) You're sharp, Johnny. Almost as sharp as my other little friend. - But not quite so obedient. - No? My other little friend would kill for me, Johnny. - Well, that's what friends are for. - (blade pops) To us, Johnny. - To the three of us. - The three of us. JOHNNY (narrating): Makes me laugh now, to think back. Me, so sure it was just the three of us. I soon found out, all right. I remember it was late one afternoon. I was getting ready for the Saturday night crowd. Funny I'd remember what day it was, isn't it? - Isn't it enough? - For a peasant? (raspberry) Mr. Farrell, Mr. Mundson called. Just got back. He'd like you to come around to his house. Thank you. After all, I - I run the place. He calls me Mr. Farrell. Isn't that better? (raspberry) JOHNN Y (narrating): You 'd think a bell would have rung, or you'd think I'd have had some instinct of warning. But I didn't. I just walked right into it. Ballin? Ballin? Sefior Mundson will be down in a moment, Sefior Farrell. Thanks. it's great having him back, isn't it, Pete? I hope it will be the same, Sefior Farrell. BALLIN: Johnny. Is that you? - Hello, Ballin. - Come on up here. Well, what are you cryin' about? - I feel great, Johnny. - You look foolish. - I'll show you why. - Where's the canary? - How did you know? - How did I know what? So you don't know? Come. This is where the canary is, Johnny. - JV' (phonograph: "Put the Blame on Mame") - N' (woman humming along) Quite a surprise to hear a woman singing in my house, hey, Johnny? N' (humming continues) That's quite a sur - a surprise. N' (humming continues) N' (humming, vocalizing) Gilda, are you decent? Me? N' (phonograph continues) Sure, I'm decent. Gilda, this is Johnny Farrell. Johnny, this is Gilda. (phonograph clicks off) So this is Johnny Farrell. I've heard a lot about you, Johnny Farrell. Really? Now, I haven't heard a word about you. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Why, Ballin. I wanted to keep it as a surprise. Was it a surprise, Mr. Farrell? It certainly was. You should have seen his face. Did you tell him what I'm doing here, Ballin? No, I wanted to save that as a surprise too. - Hang on to your hat, Mr. Farrell. - Gilda is my wife, Johnny. Mrs. Ballin Mundson, Mr. Farrell. - Is that all right? - Congratulations. You don't congratulate the bride, Johnny. You congratulate the husband. JOHNNY: Really? Well, what are you supposed to say to the bride? BALLIN: You wish her good luck. Good luck. Thank you, Mr. Farrell. My husband tells me you're a great believer in luck. - We make our own luck, Johnny and I. - I'll have to try that sometime. I'll try it right now. Tell him to come to dinner with us tonight, Ballin. It's an order. Come along, Johnny. We'll let Gilda get dressed. Look your best, my beautiful. This will be the casino's first glimpse of you. I'll look my very best, Ballin. I want all the hired help to approve of me. - Glad to have met you, Mr. Farrell. - His name is Johnny, Gilda. Oh, I'm sorry. Johnny is such a hard name to remember and so easy to forget. Johnny. There. See you later, Mr. Farrell. That's right, Mrs. Mundson. - I'll see Johnny downstairs. - I'll see him at the casino. JV' (phonograph: "Put the Blame on Mame ') For some reason, she doesn't like you, Johnny. Really? What makes you think that? - I know my wife. - You do? Why would she form an instant antagonism like that? - Maybe it's chemical. - She'll get over it. Sure. When did you meet her? The day I left for the interior. - When did you get married? - The day after that. - Quick. - You should know, Johnny. - When I want something, I - - You buy it quick. Do you know anything about her at all? It's an odd coincidence, Johnny. Listen to this. She told me she was born the night she met me. All three of us with no pasts, just futures. - Isn't that interesting? - I think it's fascinating. What's the matter with you? I thought we agreed that women and gambling didn't mix. My wife does not come under the category of "women," Johnny. - I could have made a mistake. - You did. Don't make it again. It starts already. - What's this? - Tact. GILDA: Ballin. Would you come up and help me into this thing, like a darling? - See you at the casino. - In about an hour. Ballin. JOHNNY (narrating): It was all I could do to walk away. I wanted to go back up in that room and hit her. What scared me was I - I wanted to hit him too. I wanted to go back and see them together with me not watching. I wanted to know. I can never get a zipper to close. Maybe that stands for something. What do you think? I think you were very rude to him. - To whom? - Johnny. (laughs) Was I? Oh, dear. That's one of the things you'll have to teach me, Ballin - good manners. I want you to like him. - You're sure about that? - What do you mean? He's a very attractive man, if you like the type. He's a boy. Boys have the darnedest way of growing up, Ballin. - Almost when you're not looking. - But I'll be looking. - Your shoes. - JOHNNY: About time. Do you wish me to put them on your feet? - For how much? - The charge is slight, because I find this always a revealing vantage point. The worm's-eye view is so often the true one. Quite a philosopher, aren't you? - One hears rumors. - Really? In my department, comes all the gossip. (chuckles) Really? One hears she is very beautiful. And very young and American. You are also young and American. It will be interesting to watch. Maybe you should be fired right out on your ear. - Johnny. - Hmm? Mr. Mundson says to tell you he's - They're here. - Thanks. - Say, have you seen her? - (wolf whistle) - Cut that! - What'd I do? - You whistled. I heard you. After all, she is Mrs. Mundson. So, mind your manners, see? Yes, it will be interesting to watch. (people chattering) CROUPIER: Number eight, black. Number eight, black. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Place your bets. (Speaking Spanish) Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Place your bets. Fa/tes vosjeux, mesdames e1 mess/eurs. Fa/tes vosjeux. - (roulette ball clattering) - (Spanish) - Number two. - No more bets. Number two, mack. Numéro deux, noir. - Two, black, is the winner. - (Spanish) Number two, black. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Place your bets. Take over. - Friend of yours? - No, Mr. Farrell. - Going into business for yourself? - Orders, Mr. Farrell. - Not my orders. - No. Johnny. I've been looking for you. Gambling is illegal in Argentina. Is that right? - It isn't right, but it's true. - That the reason for the payoff? Payoff? - Naturally that's the reason. - Then why doesn't it show on the books? Why doesn't it come out of my cut? You're in my complete confidence, Johnny. You may ask any questions you wish. - I just asked one. - Now, let's have dinner, shall we? I was forced to leave Gilda alone when I looked for you, and Gilda's much too beautiful to be left alone. In other words, you've changed the subject. In other words, I've changed the subject. N (orchestra: up-tempo) N (orchestra: up-tempo) I found him, Gilda. Very elusive chap, our Johnny. - Sit down, Johnny. - Good evening, Mr. Farrell. - You're looking very beautiful. - Good evening, Mrs. Mundson. Can't you return the compliment, Johnny? - You're looking very beautiful. - Why, thank you. If there's anything I love, it's a spontaneous, impulsive compliment like that. And because you're so nice, I'm going to show you something. My husband gave it to me for a coming-home present. - Isn't it cute? - 50,000 pesos, and it's "cute." - isn't she fabulous, Johnny? - Fabulous. Wait, Johnny. Let's drink to us. - To the three of us. - To the three of us. - What's the matter, Johnny? - I get confused. Confused? Why? Well, just a few weeks ago, we drank a toast to the three of us. Well, who was the third one then? Should I be jealous? - Hardly, darling. Just a friend of mine. - Is it a him or a her? That's a very interesting question. What do you think, Johnny? - A her. - Oh. Why that conclusion? Because it looks like one thing, then, right in front of your eyes, it becomes another thing. Well, you haven't much faith in the stability of women then, have you, Johnny? That's right. One wonders who the woman was who brought our Johnny to this pretty pass. - Doesn't one, Gilda? - One does. Let's hate her. Shall we, Ballin? - Let's. Shall we, Johnny? - Let's. Now that, I'll drink to. (both speaking German) Pardon me for a moment. - Anything I can do, Ballin? - No. I'll be right back. Now, isn't this something? It's a small world in Argentina, isn't it? Isn't it? Why did you marry him? - My husband's a very attractive man. - You don't love him. What was that word again, Johnny? You married him for his money. That happened to come with him. That's a great way to make a living. That wouldn't be the big pot calling the little kettle black, now, would it? I was down and out. He picked me up, put me on my feet. Now, isn't that an amazing coincidence, Johnny? - That's practically the story of my life. - N (orchestra plays) - Hello. - Good evening, sefiorita. Sefior, I am Cap/Iain Delgado. I would like to ask permission to dance with your lady. - The answer's no. - The answer's yes. I'd love it. - But the young man just said - - The young man would love it too. But he can't afford it. - Women can be extremely annoying. - You're in again. Mauricio Miguel Obregon. At your service. So, that's your name. - Hey, look, I've been watching you for weeks now. - Then that makes us even. - You don't gamble. You don't drink. - Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm. Then what are you hanging around here for? The atmosphere has always interested me. Hmm. Now it positively fascinates me. - You could be a professional dancer. - I am. I mean, I was. Uh, that's against our union rules. (clicks tongue) I always observe the rules and regulations. - How is it that I have never seen you? - I didn't dance here. - Oh. Where? - America. - This is not America? - (laughs) I mean New York. Oh. Your young man, is he too a dan - He's not my young man. You know, the expression on his face says that he wishes he were. The rules and regulations, remember? - The rules are very changeable, my lady. - They change with the weather. (arguing in German) - ls everything all right? - Quite all right. Who are the two krauts? I've seen them before. - Messenger boys. - Whose? I just wanted to know if you were in trouble. Apparently, I'm in serious trouble. My wife seems to be missing. She's dancing. - You shouldn't have allowed it, Johnny. - She wanted to dance with a guy. What do you want me to do? She's not my - She's your wife. Go get her. - Now wait a minute. She's your - - That's exactly the reason, Johnny. A husband always looks a bit ridiculous, don't you think, dragging his wife from another man's arms? - I'll get her, Ballin. - Thank you, Johnny. Pardon me, but your husband is showing. Oh. Thank you. Perhaps again sometime. Until that sometime, I shall only miserably exist, sefiora. I always say there's something about Latin men. For one thing, they can dance. For another thing - - What's your telephone number? - Hmm? Oh, it is - Oh, never mind. I'll give you mine. Cuyo 3-0-1-7. - Cuyo 3-0-1-7. - (speaking Spanish) (Speaking Spanish) What did you say to him? I just told him, "lf a man answers, hang up." Wasn't that all right? You can't talk to men down here the way you would at home. - They don't understand it. - Understand what? - They think you mean it. - Mean what? Doesn't it bother you at all that you're married? What I want to know is, does it bother you? I'm beginning to think I've misjudged your Johnny, Ballin. - Oh? - He can be quite sweet, so protective. Johnny takes care of all the things that belong to me. - He runs the joint. - He runs the joint. Hear that, Johnny? You're to take care of me because I belong to the boss. How will you like that? Well, I do all kind of odd jobs. I'll bet this is the oddest job you ever had. Now then, before we were interrupted, I believe we were about to drink a toast, so - Disaster to the wench who did wrong by our Johnny. No, Gilda? You won't drink to that? Why not? Disaster to the wench. JOHNNY (narrating): She had what it took to say it, but I knew it scared her. I knew it would haunt her. Anyone as superstitious as Gilda, out loud, asking for disaster. (door opens) - (footsteps) - Hi. - You're still dressed. - Yes. - Anything wrong? - Everything's wonderful. - But I told you zippers throw me. - May I help? Thank you. You could have a maid in the morning. - (laughs) Will she be old and ugly? - If those are your orders. I think that's good business, to surround yourself with ugly women and beautiful men. (chuckles) Yes. You knew him before. - Who? - Johnny. - Johnny Farrell? - Johnny Farrell. - You knew him before. - No. Don't lie to me, Gilda. Don't ever lie to me. I'm telling you the truth. I didn't know him. I don't think I've ever known him, Ballin. I see. You're a child, Gilda. A beautiful, greedy child. And it amuses me to feed you beautiful things because you eat with such a good appetite. But I shouldn't make any mistakes. No, you shouldn't. If you're worried about Johnny Farrell, don't be. - I hate him. - And he hates you. That's very apparent. But hate can be a very exciting emotion. Very exciting. Haven't you noticed that? - You make it sound - - There is a heat in it that one can feel. Didn't you feel it tonight? - No. - I did. It warmed me. Hate is the only thing that has ever warmed me. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Place your bets. Fa/tes vosjeux, mesdames e1 mess/eurs. Fa/tes vosjeux. (Speaking Spanish) - No more bets. - (roulette ball clattering) - Number 13, black. - That's me. - Numéro tre/ze, no/r. - I was right next to her - 17. That's close. You mean this has been going on for years, and I didn't know about it? (laughter) - One is not always so lucky. - I am. You should watch out. The superstitious have an old saying. "Lucky at cards, unlucky at love." - it's a good thing I'm not, isn't it? - Not what? Superstitious. - Keep it for me. - Yes, Mrs. Mundson. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Place your bets. Fa/tes vosjeux, mesdames e1 mess/eurs. Fa/tes vosjeux. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Place your bets. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Place your bets. Fa/tes vosjeux, mesdames e1 mess/eurs. Fa/tes vosjeux. - Number two. - No more bets. Fa/tes vosjeux, mesdames e1 mess/eurs. Fa/tes vosjeux. (Speaking Spanish) Fa/tes vosjeux, mesdames e1 mess/eurs. Fa/tes vosjeux. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen. Place your bets. CROUPIER #2: Place your bets. CROUPIER #1: Fa/tes vosjeux, mesdames e1 mess/eurs. Fa/tes vosjeux. - Got a light? - Yes, Mrs. Mundson. It is so crowded and yet so lonely. - Isn't it? - How did you know? You smoke too much. I've noticed. Only frustrated people smoke too much, and only lonely people are frustrated. Well, aren't you cute. Cute? Me? Awfully cute. I think I'm gonna like you. - Oh, I'm sorry. - Nothing personal, I hope. No. I was just tossing away my frustration. And it landed right on me. - Maybe that means something? - Oh, it does. It means we're gonna have a drink together. No,I- On the other hand, I'd love to. Now we'll see. See what? Whether you are a gentleman, as you say, or a peasant, as I say. - Oh. - The beautiful one is at the bar. She'll probably have trouble. Really? What kind of trouble? A man. He's very good-looking. Your source of income is in his office. He will probably have trouble. - What kind of trouble? - Also a man. Not so good-looking. Now we know. You are what I said. Any losses that you incurred in business were reimbursed to you across the casino tables - regularly and very generously. But, in spite of orders, you continue to sell tungsten wire to the Bendolan Company. But Mr. Bendolan can't manufacture electric light globes without tungsten wire for filaments, Mr. Mundson. - He can't continue in business without - - We d0n't wish Mr. Bendolan to continue in business. Isn't that clear to you? But he's the only outlet for my product in this territory, Mr. Mundson. If I don't sell to him, I can't continue in business. - Don't you understand that? - Perfectly. And that doesn't matter to you, does it, Mr. Mundson? On the contrary, I sympathize with you deeply. Life is very difficult for the defenseless ones of the world. Yes. As you say. Thank you, Mr. Mundson. - I thought we were in the gambling business. - Leave me alone. I never heard of a game played with electric light globes. Let's join Gilda for a drink, shall we, Johnny? Sure. Hey, uh, better let me case the joint first. - Case the joint? - Yeah, see if the coast is clear. I didn't like the look on the defenseless one's face. - (scoffs) That mouse. - I didn't like the look on his face. All right, Johnny. Gilda was right. You are protective. Sure. That's me all over. Give me five minutes. M: (tang0) Gilda. - Maybe you didn't notice. I'm dancing. - You were dancing. - Hey, what's the idea? - Oh, you'll get used to it. I've never been able to finish a dance in here yet. When Ballin comes down, I want you sitting in a booth alone. You're sure it's Ballin who objects to my having friends? - What I want to know is, who is this guy? - Johnny Farrell. He runs the joint. This is Gabe Evans, Johnny Farrell - all the way from New York. - Isn't he pretty? - Just darling. - Now get him out of here. - But I like him. If he leaves, I go with him. That's all right with me too. Well, what's keepin' you? Not a thing. - Let's go where we can have some fun. - Like I said? Exactly like you said. Didn't you hear about me, Gabe? If I'd been a ranch, they would have named me the Bar Nothing. - The coast is clear, I take it. - Very clear. Look, Ballin, I'm a big boy now. You can tell me things. Gilda warned me that you'd grow up. By the way, where is she? - Gilda? - Yes, Gilda. She was bored. There's an American picture in town. - She went to see it. - Alone? Who would she go with? She doesn't know anybody down here. You'd know more about that than I would, wouldn't you, Johnny? -(gunshofl - (people screaming, shouting) No! (screaming, shouting) (gunshon Esta' muerto. Bad form, isn't it, to make a scene in public. - The ocean would have been quieter. - Only fools ruin themselves gambling. - Gambling? - What else? (raspberry) (crowd murmuring) - Come on home, Ballin. - What happened to him? Come on. - Did he kill himself, Johnny? - Yes. When a man becomes weak enough to accept a bribe, he's already a dying man. - Didn't bother you, did it? - That he killed himself? No. But it did bother me that, back there, you were afraid. Oh, no, I was amazed. I realized that something could happen to me. That's why I'm going to tell you something. Come in. Over here, Johnny. Remember this, Johnny. Remember this too. - Could you do it now by yourself? - Yes. Eight left, 24 right, two left, 17 right. You're the only one who knows the combination, Johnny. If anything should ever happen to me, there are papers in there. Signatures and instructions how to carry on. Thanks for not letting me down. You're not just the owner of a gambling joint, huh? You know what a cartel is, Johnny? I think so. A trust. A monopoly of some kind, isn't it? - An international monopoly. - Big business, huh? - Monopoly in what? - Tungsten. - That doesn't impress you. - Well, I don't know much about it. I mean, I don't know if it's worth getting shot at for the pleasure of monopolizing it. A man who controls a strategic material can control the world, Johnny. Whoa now. The world's a pretty big place. Made up of stupid little people. (chuckles) Well, if anybody can do it, I'd lay 8-to-5 you're the baby who can. And you'd win. Now let's go downstairs and have a drink. With you and Gilda on my side - - You are on my side, Johnny? - I told you that. - And Gilda? - What do you mean? Women are funny little creatures, Johnny. Oh, I don't know much about 'em. - Odd things are important to them. - Really? I bought her, Johnny, just as I bought you. She knows that, doesn't she? That's just it. Money doesn't mean very much to Gilda. If she should become restless - I'm mad about her, Johnny. Mad. - What do you think of that? - Oh, I think it's great. Because she is on your side, Ballin. I'd lay 8-to-5 on that too. And I'd win. Well, I'd better be getting back to the joint. (vehicle approaching) (brake sets, door opens) N' (Gilda humming) Know what? I have the funniest feeling we're not alone. Maybe we're haunted. Maybe if we go inside, it'll go away. Besides being pretty, you're positively intelligent. Come on. No. You know, I have the funniest feeling somebody said something. Maybe the lady forgot to tell you. Her husband lives here. For a long, long time, I've taken husbands little by little, in small doses. So that now, I've developed a complete immunity to them. You're through for the evening, son. Scram. - Well, so he runs this joint too, does he? - I said scram. - For two cents, I'd - - You'd what? That's great, hitting a man when he's drunk. He shouldn't get drunk on my time. - On your time? - I thought that was settled. I take care of everything that belongs to the boss. What's his is yours? You went to a picture show tonight. Alone. Really? Would you like to know whether I enjoyed it? That's your story. That's what I told Ballin. That's what you're going to tell him. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Making me deceive my husband. I got some news for you, Gilda. He didn't just buy something. - He's in love with you. - Is that so hard to understand? - And you're not gonna do anything - - I've got some news for you, Johnny. I'm going to do exactly what I please when I please. I was true to one man, once, and look what happened. - I made up my mind then - - This isn't about us. it's about him. Really? You don't say so. Now get this straight. I don't care what you do, but I'm going to see to it that it looks all right to him. From now on, you go anywhere you please with anyone you please, but I'm gonna take you there, and I'm gonna pick you up and bring you home. Get that? Exactly the way I'd take and pick up his laundry. Shame on you, Johnny. Any psychiatrist would tell you that your thought associations are very revealing. What are you talking about? Any psychiatrist would tell you that means something, Johnny. - Did you hear what I said? - Sure, I heard what you said. You're going to take me there and pick me up. All to protect Ballin. (lock clattering) Who do you think you're kidding, Johnny? JOHNNY (narrating): I hated her so, I couldn't get her out of my mind for a minute. She was in the air I breathed and the food I ate. N' (guitar strumming) N' (guitar strumming) N' (Gilda vocalizing) At first, I thought I was just dreaming it. I'd been hearing her voice in my sleep for nights anyway. Then I realized - ♪ When Mrs. O'Leary's cow kicked the lantern ♪ ♪ In Chicago town ♪ ♪ They say that started the fire ♪ ♪ That burned Chicago down ♪ ♪ That's the story that went around ♪ ♪ But here's the real lowdown ♪ ♪ Put the blame on Mame, boys ♪ ♪ Put the blame on Mame ♪ ♪ Mame kissed a buyer from out of town ♪ ♪ That kiss burned Chicago down ♪ ♪ So you can put the blame on Mame, boys ♪ ♪ Put the blame on Mame ♪ ♪ Remember the blizzard back in Manhattan ♪ ♪ In 1886.? ♪ They say the traffic was tied up ♪ ♪ And folks were in a fix ♪ ♪ That's the story that went around ♪ ♪ But here's the real lowdown ♪ ♪ Put the blame on Mame, boys ♪ ♪ Put the blame on Mame ♪ ♪ Mame gave a chump such an ice-cold no ♪ ♪ For seven days, they shoveled snow ♪ ♪ So you can put the blame on Mame, boys ♪ - ♪ Put the - N' - (footsteps running) Oh. Good morning. How very pretty you look in your nightgown. - What are you doing here? - Singing to my friend. - Isn't that all right? - How long you been here? HOW long? Five verses. - What are you doing here? - Listening. I just finished my work, and - Did you hear about that poor little cow that blamed for - Get out of here. Get back to your washroom where you belong. (laughing) Put a beggar on horseback, huh, Uncle Pio? (raspberry) Well, here's the laundry waiting to be picked up. - Where have you been? - Swimming. I bet you don't believe me. I bet Ballin won't, either, unless you're there to back me up. You went swimming with me. Didn't we have a good time? (chuckles) Swimming. - That's what it says here. - Where's your bathing suit? Under this. - Wanna see? - I'll get dressed. I hate to drag you out this time of the morning, but it's your idea, you know. Why don't you make it easy on yourself and let him find out about me? Or are you afraid of what he might do to me? Johnny. - I am. - What? Afraid. YOU'? Oh, Johnny, I wish I'd never- Never what? Getting married on the rebound is so stupid. Rebound from what? You. Because you - You don't know a man you've only known one day. He doesn't know you either. That way, you start even. All fair and even. Would it interest you to know how much I hate you, Johnny? Very much. I hate you so much that I would destroy myself to take you down with me. Now I've warned you. Now that's all fair and even. All fair and even. Now, would it interest you to know that I know why you're hangin' around here at 5:00 in the morning? I told you, I'm the laundry. I'm simply obeying instructions. Now who's kidding who, Gilda? (vehicle approaching) (vehicle door opens, closes) (footsteps receding) (door opens) Now that you've delivered me, don't you want to wait and get a receipt from the man? Ballin. - You're up. - Yes. Late to bed, early to rise makes a man - Let Gilda talk, Johnny. I thought I could sneak out and get back without waking you. - No. - We went swimming. - You were asleep. - Yes. All of a sudden, I just had to go swimming. It was so hot. - You weren't worried, were you? - Yes. - I'm - I'm terribly sorry. - Is that what's making you so nervous? Nervous? No,l-l- Well, a terrible thing happened to me. No wonder I'm nervous. What happened to you? I lost that beautiful clip you gave me, the one that cost so much. Is that all? Well, isn't that enough to make a person nervous? A clip can be replaced. Thanks for being so nice about it. I'm - I'm terribly sorry. A clip can be replaced. You see, I thought I had lost you. Me? (laughs) - Not a chance. - And that couldn't be replaced. Shall we have a drink before I start to cry? You see, Johnny doesn't think that would be a tragedy if you lost me. Statistics show that there are more women in the world than anything else. - Except insects. - Johnny! On that charming observation, I shall walk out. Just to change my clothes. I want to have breakfast with you. Oh, by the way, I want to mention that Johnny is a terrific swimmer. This morning, he outdistanced me beautifully. But someday, there'll be a return match. And then look out, Johnny Farrell. (footsteps receding) - Johnny. - Yeah? You'll have to teach me how. - How to what? - Swim. What else? Sure. Anytime. Apparently, you're very good at it. Pretty good. Did you teach Gilda how to swim, Johnny? I taught her everything she knows, Ballin. Does that satisfy you? N ("Put the Blame on Mame") N ("Put the Blame on Mame") Wait a minute, fellas. Let's take that trombone part over once again and make it a little cleaner. N (orchestra resumes) Julio! Julio! (Speaking Spanish) - You can't tell me where to put nothing. - (shouting in Spanish) - JV' (orchestra on speake/j - (clicks off) (knocking) These are things which the merrymakers add to their costumes. I wonder if you care to make a choice. - You have a great sense of humor, haven't you? - (raspberry) Which one would you suggest? I would suggest, whatever you wear, you will start out as this and end up as this. Really? How did you figure that out? Tonight it is the beautiful one's party all the way. She has changed the decorations. She has changed the orchestra. It isn't too much to think that she will change - I warned you once. You didn't seem to hear me. - Now you're through. - Through? With what? The casino. Your job. You're fired. You are mistaken. I will be here after you are gone, Mr. Peasant. You asked me one time what a great philosopher like me is doing in the washroom. - Now I will tell you. - Go on. Because to my department comes all the gossip, and that way - (knocking) He's not here. No one is here, you see. Maybe we should have had that "Private" sign on the stairway printed in German too. Or maybe you can't speak Spanish. - But I assure you, it does say "Private." - That's right. We intend to see Mr. Mundson. He's been avoiding us. Didn't you hear? Mr. Mundson is allergic to messenger boys. The American Indian, as always, walks into something that does not concern him. That's an old American custom. Mr. Mundson is having an invited party tonight. You are uninvited. Tell the old man to go away. No. You go away. We intend to see Mr. Mundson. You said that before. I said - Get him on the telephone. Please. Why didn't you say what you wanted? Mr. Mundson. This is Mr. Farrell. Some people wish to add these to their costumes. In my collection, I have two lovely heads of pigs, if you - No sale, Uncle Pio. They'll just use their own faces. Oh, Ballin? There are a couple of nice kids here with German accents. I think they'd like to make an appointment with you. By the way, one of them has a gun in my back. Tell them - Tell them to come here in an hour. And, Johnny, you come now, will you? Immediately. (party horns tooting) (cheering, shouting) (party horns tooting) Listen, Maria. Carnival. Yes, little one. Carnival. What does it mean, Maria, exactly? Carnival is the last three days preceding the Lent, which in Roman Catholic countries is given up to feasting and merrymaking. Then come the fasting and the penance. In other words, make hay while the sun shines. You have a strange language, little one. Oh, I mean, three days of sowing wild oats, and then comes the harvest. You know, Maria, I have the funniest feeling. Don't tell anybody, but I'm most awfully superstitious. - Don't tell anybody. - No. Well, I have the funniest feeling that this is it. It? I mean, that for me, too, it's Carnival, Maria. - (knocking) - BALLIN: Gilda. - Yes, Ballin? - May I come in? Of course. I'm going to be delayed. Johnny will take you to the party. - What's the matter? - With me? You're very excited about something tonight, my beautiful. Perhaps it's in the air. Perhaps you shouldn't have opened the window. Close it. There. See how quiet it is now? See how easily one can shut away excitement just by closing a window? Remember that, Gilda. Oh, I want to have a look at you in your costume before you go. I see you're going to carry a whip. Have you warned Johnny so he can also arm himself? N (orchestra: romantic) N (orchestra: romantic) Nobody could ever dance like you, Johnny. When a person dances with you, it's like they're a part of you, Johnny. - It's like - - You haven't improved any, have you? You always did talk your head off all the time you were dancing. (laughing) You used to say, "For Pete's sake, Gilda, one thing at a time." Then you used to say, "Talk or dance, but don't do both things at the same time." - You used to say - - I still say it. I have to keep talking, Johnny. As long as I have my arms around you, I have to keep talking, or I might forget to dance, Johnny. What do you think you're trying to do? I'm not even trying very hard, but I'm doing it. Doing what? - Push my hat back, Johnny. - It's all right. Push it back. You're out of practice, aren't you? Dancing, I mean. I could help you get in practice again, Johnny. Dancing, I mean. Oh! Sorry. (chattering, laughing) N (orchestra: up-tempo) MAN: Good evening, Mr. Farrell. - Thank you. - Obregon. - I'm in again, as you put it. - Oh, yeah. Practically old home week. We're all here. Yes, we are all here, Mr. Farrell. I would suggest that you see that Mrs. Mundson goes home. - You would suggest? - There's going to be trouble. I would suggest that you see that she's out of here before the unmasking at 12:00. You know, you sound like a very bad melodrama. Excuse me. - What are you trying to do? - (grunts) Oh, Johnny. And here's the comedy relief. Now the drama is complete. - Is that a crack? - What do you want? I got a letter for you. She said she was sorry she didn't get to say good-bye. No bad news, I hope. - Johnny, she left - - What's that to you? Nothing, believe me. But you sure act sore about it. Why, you'd think that she was - Get back on the door where you belong. From now on, check everybody that comes in here. - Get that? - Okay, okay. But she didn't come in. She went out. Lose something, Mr. Farrell? Hello, Ballin. I didn't even know you'd arrived. - But obviously I did arrive. - Obviously. Where's Gilda, Johnny? She's around somewhere. it's hard to keep track of anyone in this mob. Find her for me, Johnny. Sure. I won't guarantee how long it's gonna take. I'll wait. I'm a great one for waiting, Johnny. N' (fanfare) (cheering, chattering) m: (up-tempo) Take your mask off. It's time to unmask. (screaming) (crowd clamoring) - WOMAN: Please! Please! - MAN: Stand back! It might be a good idea for us to go home, Ballin. Why? Because a man drank too much? It was one of the messenger boys, and he didn't drink too much, Ballin. He was murdered. Good. Saves us the trouble. Did you keep your appointment with them? No, I - I missed them. Did you find Gilda? - No. - Find her. Take her home. - No, I'll stick with you. - No. There's an old rule in chemin defer. You play for the full stake or you pass the shoe. You can't rule the world by passing the shoe, Johnny. - I still think we oughta go home. - Do as I tell you. Take Gilda home. I told you once. I expect my little friends to be obedient, Johnny. - Speaking of little friends - - Don't. Wait for me at home, Johnny. I may need both of my little friends tonight. Okay, Ballin. (door opens, closes) This is Mr. Mundson speaking. Call the flying field. Tell them to proceed as instructed. Is that clear? Proceed as instructed. - (people chattering) - (party horns tooting) - (people chattering) - (party horns tooting) (party horns tooting) (engine starts, revs) Ballin was wrong, wasn't he? About what? He said you can shut out excitement by just closing a door. You can't, can you? I don't know what you're talking about. I was just mentioning how quiet it was in the house. There isn't anybody here but us, you know. Everybody's celebrating Carnival. What about it? I was just mentioning it. Good night, Johnny. JOHNNY (narrating): I couldn't get it out of my head, what she said about nobody being in the house but us. I thought of Ballin back in the casino, fighting for his life, and this little - I knew that all his plans, all his dreams of greatness would be wrecked because of what she was doing to him. I knew he wasn't strong enough to throw her out. I knew it was up to me. I had to get rid of her - for him. Gilda. Get your clothes on. You're getting out of here. Are we, Johnny? Are we? Not "we." You. You do hate me, don't you, Johnny? I don't think you have any idea how much. Hate is a very exciting emotion. Haven't you noticed? Very exciting. I hate you too, Johnny. I hate you so much that I think I'm going to die from it. Darling. I think I'm going to die from it. (door slams) You left it open when you came in. - (door slams) - Ballin! (vehicle engine starts) (vehicle departing) (airplane engine idling) Africa's more than 2,000 miles away. I don't think he'll make it. I don't think he intends to try. (plane engine sputtering) (explosion) - You managed it. - Naturally. - The seaplane is waiting? - Yes, sir. You run into some trouble, boss? An unfortunate murder. The detective, Obregon, knows that I did it. I'll stay away as long as necessary, and then I'll go back and attend to something. JOHNNY (narrating): In the will we found, JOHNNY (narrating): In the will we found, Ballin had left everything to Gilda, with me as sole executor. I finally had them in my hands - the little pieces of paper that Ballin said would let a man rule the world. A I first I was puzzled, because it didn 7 seem like much - a tungsten mine, a few patents, a dozen or so small corporations joined together to form one organization with Mundson at the head. But then I saw the potential power of such a group, saw how it could grow and spread and gobble up anyone who dared stand alone against it. You have all come a long way to find out what is gonna happen to your association. I've told you. Now you can return, having found out that nothing has changed. Nothing. I'll carry on where Mr. Mundson left off. - Anything else, gentlemen? - Just one thing. It has always seemed to me that no one man should be at the head of our organization. - I think it would be better- - You heard the will. I'm the sole executor. It's gonna be business as usual. Mrs. Mundson is the sole legatee. Mrs. Mundson is in no condition right now to see anyone. Her husband's death has hit her very hard. She's asked me to represent her with the stockholders. However, we need be in no hurry to leave. There's a chance that she may recover. Not a chance in the world. You see, Mrs. Mundson is marrying me this afternoon. (gasps) (no audible dialogue) Look, Johnny. it's stopped raining. Maybe that means something. - You haven't gotten over it, have you? - Gotten over what? Being superstitious. Come on. Where, Johnny? Not back to the house. What kind of a guy do you think I am? I don't think anybody really knows that but me, Johnny. Not even you. All my clothes here. Even my perfume. You think of everything, don't you, Johnny? Everything- We're right back where we started, aren't we, darling? Right back where - Right back where we started. Johnny. Johnny, that isn't even decent. What was that word again, Gilda? Decent. I said decent. That's what I thought you said. That sounded funny coming out of you, Gilda. JOHNNY (narrating): She didn't know then what was happening to her. She didn't know then that what she heard was the door closing on her own cage. She hadn't been faithful to him when he was alive, but she was gonna be faithful to him now that he was dead. Hey. What are you doing, coming to work tonight? Now, I believe in my duty to my job and all that - Good, because you got one, a new one. From now on, you're to stick with Mrs. Mundson. Mrs. - Mrs. Farrell. Whatever she does, wherever she goes, you're to be there. She's not to talk to anyone, and no one's to talk to her. Get that? Gee, Johnny. Is she in danger or something? You will be, I guarantee, if you don't do exactly as I told you. Oh, sure, sure. You were interestingly quiet this afternoon. What I have to say I have to say to you and not the others. I'm flattered. Would you like to know how Mundson came to be the head of the cartel? No. You've seen that the patents are German, haven't you? - They were, originally. - Exactly. - They belong to my principals. - Not anymore. Three years ago, when it began to seem that Argentina might find it necessary to declare war against us, we made an arrangement with Mundson. We allowed him to buy our patents. Good idea. The casino here makes a nice front. We even advanced him the money with which to buy them from us. Well, you couldn't have picked a nicer man. We had an agreement with Mundson that, at the end of the war, he would turn our property back to us. - I didn't find any agreement. - It was a gentleman's agreement. I see. And Mr. Mundson wasn't a gentleman. He was a madman, Mr. Farrell. He thought he could rule the world alone. I know. We had quite a discussion about it. JOHNNY (narrating): She still didn't believe I wasn't coming back. JOHNNY (narrating): She still didn't believe I wasn't coming back. Every night, she got all dressed up and waited. But a girl like Gilda couldn't stand not knowing the why of things. So she decided to swallow her pride and come to see me. That was wonderful. (doors open, close) Yes? Hello. Remember me? I'm Gilda, your wife. Remember? You haven't been around lately. I thought maybe you were an amnesia victim or something. Got a light? You don't look so hot. Do you know that? You're losing weight. This vacuum I'm living in. - Mind giving me a reason? - Not at all. You've had such a full life up to now. I thought a little peace and quiet would do you good. Give you time to think. Think about what? Would it be too corny to say your sins? - Yes, it would. - Well, I said it. You're cockeyed, Johnny, all cockeyed. I figured that's what the deal was. You're getting even with me for something. (chuckles) We're great people for getting even, aren't we, Johnny? - Are we? - Aren't we? Didn't I get even with you for walking out on me by marrying Ballin? Great. That's just great. The man's dead, and - And I'm glad. What do you think of that? He was insane, Johnny. - I was afraid all the time. - You acted like it. Johnny, there's never been anybody but you and me. All those things I did were just to make you jealous, Johnny. There's never been anybody but you and me. Not anybody? Not anybody. What about your husband? If you could forget him so easily, you could forget the others too, couldn't you? - But there weren't any others, Johnny! - When you admit them. When you admit them and tell me who they were. You wouldn't think one woman could marry two insane men in one lifetime, now, would you? (footsteps receding) JOHNNY (narrating): She wasn't scared yet because she didn't quite realize yet. Right now, she was just plain mad, and she was hitting back. I want you to try and locate a Mr. Gabe Evans for me. Try all the hotels in the city, but locate him. JOHNNY (narrating): She couldn't find him, so she just reached out for anyone. They weren 7 hard to find for a girl like Gilda. (no audible dialogue) The waiter told him he had a telephone call. One of m y men grabbed him outside. He never came back. She found somebody else, of course. But wherever she went, whatever she did - (rings) It finally got to her that Buenos Aires was her own private prison. That's when she decided to run away. She went to Monte video, got a job singing in a nightclub. - LI' (orchestra: ballad) - Started divorce proceedings and met a man. ♪ Amado mio a' ♪ Love me forever ♪ ♪ And let forever ♪ ♪ Begin tonight ♪ ♪ Amado mio a' ♪ When we're together ♪ ♪ I'm in a dream world ♪ ♪ Of sweet delight ♪ ♪ Many times I've whispered ♪ ♪ Amado mio a' ♪ It was just a phrase that I've heard in plays ♪ ♪ I was acting a part ♪ ♪ But now when I whisper ♪ ♪ Amado mio a' ♪ Can't you tell I care by the feeling there? ♪ ♪ For it comes from my heart ♪ ♪ My one endeavor ♪ ♪ My love, my darling ♪ ♪ Will be to hold you ♪ ♪ And hold you tight ♪ ♪ Amado mio a' ♪ Love me forever ♪ ♪ And let forever ♪ ♪ Begin ♪ ♪ Tonight ♪ N' (orchestra: tempo quickens) ♪ Amado mio a' ♪ Love me forever ♪ ♪ And let forever ♪ ♪ Begin ♪ ♪ Tonight N' N (orchestra resumes) "Let forever be tonight." Is that a date, Gilda? I can't make any forever dates, Tom. I haven't even got my divorce yet. - I haven't any right to. - I don't want you to. - Want me to what? - Get a divorce. You don't? A divorce you get in Montevideo, without your husband's consent, will never stand up in Argentina, Gilda. I don't want to go back to Argentina ever. - So what difference does it - - Or at home. You may want to go home sometime, darling. Wherever you go for the rest of your life, you're gonna be tied to him. You'll never be free. Then it didn't do any good to run away. No good at all. Never does any good to run away, Gilda. - Go back to Buenos Aires. - No. And get an annulment. You told me your husband left you immediately after the ceremony. There's nothing to it. And I'll be with you, darling. I'll be right by your side every minute. I'm a very good lawyer, you know. I've more money than I know what to do with. I'm very much in love with you. That's kind of a terrific combination, don't you think? That's kind of a terrific combination. The plane leaves at 2:00. At 2:00 the next day, you'll be free. Darling, utterly free. I didn't think I'd ever trust a man again as long as I lived, but here I go again. Thanks, Tom. Thanks. Tom, this is the Hotel Centenario. Isn't it all right? I was told it's a good hotel. Why, I think it's wonderful. Just wonderful. - I'll do it. - Your bags will be up in a minute, sir. Thank you, sir. The light switch is right here somewhere, if my memory doesn't fail me. Okay, Langford. I'll do it anyway. I'll get an annulment. I don't need anybody's - Didn't Langford tell you? There's no such thing as annulment in Argentina. I'll get it anyway! I will! I'll get an annulment! I Will! I Will! I Will! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll get it! I'll - I'll get it! (sobbing) Oh, Johnny, please let me go. Please let me go. I can't stand it anymore. I don't want anything from you. But please, just let me go. I thought it was a nice touch, bringing you back here. Johnny, let me tell you about that night. I don't want to hear about that night. Can't you understand? I don't want to hear about that night. (door opens, slams) (sobbing) - I was waiting for you, Mr. Farrell. - Find anything interesting? What are you stalling for anyway? Why don't you close the joint up if it bothers you so much? Why do you think we've allowed the casino to stay open? Because a smart cop doesn't arrest a purse snatcher if the little thief will lead him to the bigger crime. I don't know what you're talking about. We know you're the head of a tungsten monopoly, Mr. Farrell. What we want to know is the names of the participants. I still don't know what - what you're talking about. I'll wait. You're breaking up in little pieces right in front of my eyes, you know. Am I wearing you down, I hope? - You. - Something is. Really? Well, I'll have to take a look sometime. - I hadn't not - - N (orchestra: swing intro) N ("Put the Blame on Mame") ♪ When they had the earthquake in San Francisco ♪ ♪ Back in 1906 ♪ ♪ They said that old Mother Nature ♪ ♪ Was up to her old tricks ♪ ♪ That's the story that went around ♪ ♪ But here's the real lowdown ♪ ♪ Put the blame on Mame, boys ♪ ♪ Put the blame on Mame ♪ ♪ One night she started to shim and shake ♪ ♪ That brought on the Frisco quake ♪ ♪ So you can put the blame on Mame, boys ♪ ♪ Put the blame on Mame ♪ ♪ They once had a shootin' up in the Klondike ♪ ♪ When they got Dan McGrew ♪ ♪ Folks were puttin' the blame on ♪ ♪ The lady known as Lou ♪ ♪ That's the story that went around ♪ ♪ But here's the real lowdown ♪ ♪ Put the blame on Mame, boys ♪ ♪ Put the blame on Mame ♪ ♪ Mame did a dance called the hootchie-coo ♪ ♪ That's the thing that slew McGrew ♪ ♪ Put the blame on Mame, boys ♪ ♪ Put the blame ♪ ♪ On Mame N' MAN: Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Hooray! More! More! More! More! More! More! - I'm not very good at zippers. - (laughter) But maybe if I had some help. - I'll help you. - I am an expert. (audience laughing, shouting) (speaking French) Blow, you guys. I hate to do this, but you know. Johnny. - Leave me alone. - Come on. MAN: Let her alone! What's the matter with you? (laughing) (audience quiets) What do you mean by - Now they all know what I am, and that should make you happy, Johnny. It's no use just you knowing it, Johnny. Now they all know that the mighty Johnny Farrell got taken and that he married a - (whimpers) (sobs) The German has been arrested. He will give us the information we want. Now all we want from you are the patents and the agreements bearing the signatures. Let me tell you why we must know who these signers are, Mr. Farrell. So they can be prosecuted legally for breaking the antitrust laws. You didn't hear a word of it, did you? All you can think of is the way Gilda looked at you when you struck her, isn't it? You two kids love each other pretty terribly, don't you? I hate her. That's what I mean. It's the most curious love-hate pattern I've ever had the privilege of witnessing. And as long as you're as sick in the head as you are about her, you're not able to think about anything clearly. All right, Mr. Farrell. You're under arrest for illegally operating a gambling casino. I'm gonna let you stay here under protective custody. Send for me when you can't stand it anymore. I intend to have those signatures. I can out-wait you, Mr. Farrell. You see, I have the law on my side. It's a very comfortable feeling. It's something you ought to try sometime. Eight left, 24 right, two left, 17 right. - You got that? - I've got it. That's the combination to the safe. There's everything in there you want, and there's nothing in there that I want. No. That's at the casino, waiting. When you finally sent for me, I sent for Gilda. She's going home, you know. Home? Clear home? The least you could do is say good-bye and wish her luck. She makes her own luck. How dumb can a man be? Do me a favor and get out of here before you realize what a heel you've been, will you, Mr. Farrell? I couldn't bear it to see you break down and feel like a human being. I'm a very sensitive man, for a cop. Gilda didn't do any of those things you've been losing sleep over. Not any of them. It was just an act. Every bit of it. And I'll give you credit. You were a great audience, Mr. Farrell. Would you like, perhaps, a tiny drink of ambrosia, suitable only for a goddess? No, thank you. Mr. Obregon told me that the place has been taken over by the government. Don't think about it. A cigarette perhaps? Blended of the finest tobaccos from the most romantic places of the world. No, thank you. It all looks lonely, doesn't it? All bad things end up lonely, little one. I know that, don't I? You can keep your silly epigrams to yourself, can't you? Uncle Pio. I hear you're going home. I came to say good-bye. I want to go with you, Gilda. Please take me. I know I did everything wrong. Isn't it wonderful? Nobody has to apologize because we were both such stinkers, weren't we? Isn't it wonderful? Wonderful. (door opens) I didn't intend to come back so soon, but I want my wife. Johnny. You thought I died that night, didn't you? I'd murdered a man and thought it simpler to disappear for a while. That's all. I came to the house that night to get Gilda, to take her with me. But I found her occupied with you, Johnny. I had neither the time nor the inclination for an emotional scene at the moment. By the time the harbor police reached the plane wreckage, I was gone, of course, in the launch I had waiting. You didn't see me parachute out, did you? You weren't seeing very clearly that night anyway, were you, Johnny? Emotion is so apt to cloud the brain, isn't it? I intended to kill you with this, Johnny. I thought it amusing to have one of my little friends kill the other. But now it won't do because I have to kill Gilda too. I told you I'd be looking - (groans) (gunshon (gasps) (Gilda crying) Gilda. Better get out of here, Uncle Pio, quick. You know, I'm a great cop, Mr. Farrell. I'm certainly a pushover for a love story. I know the combination of the safe, and I don't know where the safe is. - Huh? - The safe. Where is it? It's in his room on the wall, back of the desk. Thanks. Say, haven't I seen that cane somewhere before? You have. You really shouldn't leave things like that laying around where I can get my hands on them. He's lying, like the gentleman I always said he was. - Mr. Policeman, it was I - - Keep your mouth shut. You two can quit being noble anytime you like, you know. Because a man can only die once, and Mundson committed suicide three months ago. Besides, didn't you ever hear of a thing called justifiable homicide? Johnny, let's go home. Let's go home. I would remind you that Scripture tells us... that blessed are the peacemakers. I want to underscore the word "makers". And it takes a lot of doing... to make peace. It takes a good deal of hard work... building like a mighty cathedral... stone by stone, block by block. And I sometimes wonder... why we Americans enjoy... punishing ourselves so much... with our own criticism. This is a pretty good land. I'm not saying you never had it so good. But that is a fact, isn't it? I think the most significant aspect... has been the suppression of political activity. To force the people to go underground. And to understand politics. Only as revolutionary struggle and not a political struggle. In other words, you can only have a chance. To change a regime only by revolution. And not by an electoral process or a democratic process. One of the most important things concerning Ho Chi Minh. Is the fact that he spent so long— years— out ofhis country. And that, nevertheless, he has the touch and feel. Of the peasantry ofhis country, of the village. For village life in Vietnam. Is the essential of the life of the nation. I wouldjust give you one anecdote to show you that connection. When he, for the first time, met a press— gave a press conference in Hanoi. In 1945... Where he came for the first time as a leader ofhis nation. In front of the public. He said to the people there. "I can't tell you what you have to do. But I can show it to you". Put his thumb on the table... and said. "If everywhere where you put your thumb... "on the sacred earth of Vietnam... "there is a plant growing, then we will succeed. If not, not". Now, this is, again, one of the points where Ho... on one hand, is a Marxist economist... who knows the importance of the basic production... and, on the other hand, a Confucian scholar... because what you have to have in mind to understand that idea... of the thumb on the earth... is a simple Chinese proverb. "A thumb square... "of planting rice... "is more precious... than a thumb square of gold". We are now in a very interesting place about Ho Chi Minh... because, in this place... which is now a locksmith, a key maker. Was 14 years ago. The place where he founded. And edited le Paria. the first newspaper he edited... And in this very place. The life of Ho Chi Minh changed, in my opinion. Where Ho Chi Minh, who came in 1917 in Paris... as a peasant, an Asian peasant... became really revolutionary... and an internationalist. He was born in a poor and little village. At Kim Lien near Vinh. A now-destroyed city of Central Vietnam. He was the son of a very poor man. But the man was a mandarin, a literate man. And this man was condemned by the French. Because his nationalism. And all the life of Ho Chi Minh was directed by. This very injustice. Made to his father. By the French colonizers. In this family, they were nationalists. Since the very beginning. He left Vietnam, went on a boat. Landed at New York, at London. At Le Havre and, after that, in Paris. Where he became, first, a socialist. After that, a communist. Went on over to the White House, and it came back... with the very tight, round hand of Franklin Roosevelt. "I want no French returned to Indochina. F.D.R." And I remember the excitement I felt... that this was probably the first... clear U.S. Policy... towards a Southeast Asian state. The thing that I think we failed to recognize... is that Ho Chi Minh... communist or whatnot. is considered by the people of Vietnam — and I'm speaking now of millions in South Vietnam — as the George Washington of his country. He's the man that they think threw off the French. The colonialists. Just as we had our. 1776... They had theirs in the 1940s. He also led an underground movement. Against thejapanese, who had occupied Vietnam. And the whole Indochina peninsula during World War II. And whether we like him or not. Whether we like. The particular economic system, the social system that he might develop or not. We must remember that he is, indeed. Considered by many— the peasants, the small people. The little people in South Vietnam and North Vietnam— as the George Washington ofhis country. General Gracey was the principal British officer. responsible for accepting the surrender of thejapanese. in French Indochina south of the 16th parallel. And that was his mission. But after he arrived in Saigon... with his troops. He found that the French were without means. Of maintaining law and order. And so he—as I understand it and as I recall it— he took the weapons. That he derived from thejapanese. And turned them over to French. Military officers and men. If this had not been done. In all probability. The French could not have recaptured their control at Saigon. I met Ho Chi Minh for the first time. in Hanoi at the end of'45. Sent there by d'Argenlieu, a high commissioner. Sent by de Gaulle in Saigon. Wanted me to contact the Viet Minh leader for the first time. I said to him, "I am sent to you by the high commissioner. "In the name of General de Gaulle. "To tell you. That we want Vietnam tojoin us in the French union". Looked at me and he said, "The French union? "What's that? Is it a circle, or is it a square?" That was a test... Because there is a Chinese proverb— a lot of Chinese proverbs— which identify heaven and intelligence... With the circle... And earth and solidity with the square... Is it an idea, or is it a fact? Is it somewhere? So I answered, and I think it's one of the occasions... Where Ho Chi Minh has been just a little surprised. I answered, "I don't know". He said, "But what are you doing here?" I said, "I came to ask you because we have to build it together". Towards the end of November of 1946... when the admiral commanding the French fleet... in the Bay ofTonkin... in his words, decided to teach the Vietnamese government a hard lesson... the fleet stood off of Haiphong and shelled the city... until between 6,000 and 10,000 were killed. He said, "I have no army". That's not true now. "I have no army". 1945. "I have no finance. "I have no diplomacy. "I have no public instruction. "I have just hatred... "and I will not disarm it... until you give me confidence in you". Now, this is the thing on which I would insist... because it's still alive in his memory, as in mine. For every time Ho Chi Minh has trusted us... we betrayed him. Here you had a country... which was not just divided... at the 17 th parallel. You had fought the Indochina war... and all the best and most talented Vietnamese of a generation... Had faced, in 1946 and 1947... The alternative of the French... Or the Viet Minh... The best of a generation— the kind of young men who wouldjoin up the day after Pearl Harbor in this country... Are you going to fight to kick out the French, or are you going to be a French puppet? So the most talented people of a generation all signed up... And the Viet Minh won this war... And it was an enormously popular national war... At the end of it, they came up with a dynamic society which had won a war... Which was tested, which was tough... Which had brought up to the top the very best of a generation... There are some similarities... Between the French... Effort in the Indochina war in Vietnam... And the Americans... The Americans arejust so much more powerful than the French were... They have so much more artillery... They have so much more air power... They have so many more men... They have so much more wealth than the French ever had... So that they're not going to be any Dien Bien Phus... In the American presence there... In Washington, the U.S. Secretary of Defense— The equipment which we have sent to Indochina... Is highly technical... So we are sending technicians... As a temporary training force... We are sending planes, but no pilots... We are not sending combat troops... We have seen no reason for the abandonment... of the so-called Navarre Plan. That plan, as you may recall, broadly speaking... Was a two-year plan... And contemplated a very substantial buildup oflocal forces... And their training and equipment... The French moved in to Dien Bien Phu in 1953— in January of 1953... Parachute battalion came into the area... The idea was— There were two aspects of it... One, to control the piece of ground and then to prevent the Viet Minh... From sweeping on into Laos... I do not expect that there is going to be a communist victory... In Indochina... By that, I don't mean that there may not be local affairs... Where one side or the other will win victories... But in terms of a communist domination of Indochina... That I do not accept as a probability... The French generals did not believe... That artillery could be brought to bear in sufficient quantity... So, correspondingly, they were not active... In their patrolling outside of their particular perimeter... The feature was to keep the focus on the area... Not to cause the quick rush of the battle position... But to build the particular battle position... The French miscalculated — as, I think, did we — in the degree of sophistication of the weaponry... That was deployed on the high ground... We didn't think they could get these pieces up there... But they did somehow... The Battle of Dien Bien Phu... is a significant phenomenon in military history... and from all of the standpoints that one views a war... It achieved a particular political objective... In the full Clausewitzian sense of the term... It represented a tremendous logistical effort... On the part of the North Vietnamese... Or of General Giap... To move the artillery pieces... Which changed the balance of this particular battle significantly... Forces of aggression seem to be concentrating just at one point... at Dien Bien Phu... where the resistance is extremely gallant... Against overwhelming odds... The French had begun the war as a colonial war... They try many times to change this very nature of the war— trying to change it in a civil war... A war between the right and the left in Vietnam... And, after that, an international war... A crusade against communism... It was clear that the French were in deep trouble in Dien Bien Phu... And then Admiral Radford thought that if we went in with air... We could knock 'em out... Senator Morton, as you know from my letter to you... We are very interested in a meeting— It was called by Mr... Secretary Dulles and Admiral Radford... In which you played a part... And in which eight members of the congress of the United States were present— five senators and two representatives... I wonder if you could give us your best recollection of who was at that meeting— Senator Morton, sound one, take one. There was a meeting — I've forgotten the exact date. This can be easily ascertained. I assume that the records have been kept. The burden of it was... Admiral Radford's feeling... that we should really move in... and bring active support to the French. Specifically, air support from carrier base — from carriers. Carriers were available in the nearby area. How many missions could have been mounted? I don't know. I didn't get into the military details. And it was felt that the artillery... that they had on the high ground... could be destroyed by air attack. They fail always because they were always seen by the Vietnamese... as a foreign power... trying to get back its colonial power. That is why they lost the war at Dien Bien Phu. Dien Bien Phu has fallen. I join with you in paying tribute... to the gallant defenders... May it be given us to play a worthy part... To defend the values for which they gave their lives... The defense of Dien Bien Phu of 57 days and nights... Will go down in history as one of the most heroic of all time... The defenders, composed of French and native forces... Inflicted staggering losses on the enemy... In Giap's treatment, Giap's writing about this... It appears that he was well ready— in Dien Bien Phu, he was ready— ifhe had chosen to assault and did not— some eight weeks before the final movement took place... I would submit that the reason for this... Is that Giap and Ho Chi Minh understood the political nature... Of this particular battle... And they wanted the politics... The public opinion in France... And in the rest of the world, among the other powers... To build, to give this a great deal more importance than it had militarily... I think the American people this fall... when they elect a congress — all of the congressmen, one-third of the senate — regardless of whether they're gonna vote Democrat or Republican... should ask those senators and congressmen... "Mister, if we send you to Washington... "are you going to continue... "sending American money... "to nations which, in turn... "shift the sinews of economic and military strength... to Red China, which is running the war in Indochina?" Keeping in mind that if we lose Indochina, Mr. Jenkins... we will lose the Pacific... and we'll be an island in a communist sea? Situation in the area as we found it... was that it was subject to the so-called domino theory. That meant that if one nation went, then another nation would go, and so on. We're trying to change that so it won't be the case. That's the whole theory of collective security. Agreement between the commander-in-chief... Of the French union forces in Indochina... And of the commander-in-chief of the People's Army of Vietnam... On the cessation ofhostilities in Vietnam... Signed at Geneva, July 20, 1954... "Article 14: "Pending the general elections, which will bring about the unification of Vietnam... "The conduct of civil administration in each regrouping zone... "Shall be in the hands of the party whose forces are to be regrouped there... "In virtue of the present agreement... "Article 16: "With effect from the date of entry into force of the present agreement... "The introduction into Vietnam of any troop reinforcements... "And additional military personnel... "Is prohibited... "Article 18: "With effect from the date of entry into force of the present agreement... "The establishment of new military bases... Is prohibited throughout Vietnam territory..." We support the objectives that are involved in this thing... Because it was done in the Eisenhower administration... In 1954... We were not signers... Of the so-called Class "B" Treaty or Convention at Geneva, Switzerland... But we did make a formal and solemn pledge... That we were going to safeguard... The independence and the freedom... of Vietnam. Now, we can renege, if we like... but what will happen to our credibility in the world... if we take that course? Every day someone jumps up and shouts and says... "Tell us what is happening in Vietnam and why are we in Vietnam... and how did you get us into Vietnam?" Well, I didn't get you into Vietnam. You've been in Vietnam 10 years. Saigon was in a state of civil war... The rebel Binh Xuyen movement tried to incite the people to overthrow the government... In 36 hours'nonstop fighting, 500 were killed, more than a thousand wounded... Vietnam Premier Diem was still in office... When we received these pictures... Unfortunately, the West does not agree about Saigon... General Ely, on-the-spot commander for France... Is instructed to oppose Diem... Malcolm MacDonald has flown there reportedly to do the same... Whereas America stands behind Premier Diem... Meanwhile, Saigon suffers the agonies of civil war... In Cannes is the absentee Emperor Bao Dai... First reported deposed, Bao Dai may stage a comeback... As it is, Vietnam seems ripe for communist invasion... Diem, I said before, was the man of the hour. Why? Once colonialism came to an end... Through the victory of the Viet Minh against the French at Dien Bien Phu... And through the agreement in Geneva... This trend in Vietnamese history... Which favored the communists exclusively... Could be broken... Since colonialism, the creator of communism, so to speak... Was now dead... There was a chance that other forces... Might be able to compete with Ho Chi Minh... However, under certain conditions... They had to be as nationalistic as Ho Chi Minh... They had to be free of the taint of collaboration with the French... They had to be the opposite of puppets... Of colonialism. Now, Diem was precisely that man. A lot of it was rather skillfully done in public relations, I think... There's no doubt about that... There was sort of a cult of the little fellow in the sharkskin suit... And the little mandarin who's going to stop the Reds... There was a great many articles along this line— sort of Ngo Dinh Diem, our man in Saigon... You have exemplified, in your corner of the world... patriotism of the highest order. You have brought to your great task of organizing your country... the greatest of courage, the greatest of statesmanship — qualities that have aroused our admiration... and make us, indeed, glad to welcome you. I thank you very much. Apart of my involvement with Vietnam was to be active... In founding the so-called American Friends of Vietnam... A private organization dedicated to the promotion... Of understanding, the spread of information... And support of Diem... I was, in fact, more or less running the organization... As chairman of the executive committee... The American Friends of Vietnam was a lobby group... Set up, I think, about 1955... Really to lobby for the Ngo Dinh Diem regime... In this country... I think the particularly interesting thing about it was so much of it... And so many of its more distinguished names were liberal names... People like Max Lerner and Arthur Schlesinger... SenatorJohn F. Kennedy. People like that. This gave, of course, the Diem government a very good liberal umbrella. I mean, the sensitivities and the sensibilities... Of many liberal people who might otherwise have been dubious about that regime... Were eased off. The Diem regime got, right from the start, I think, the benefit of the doubt. It is understand the plan... that the interest of the Vietnam... are identical with the interest... of the people of the free world. It is on this plan — It is on this plan... that your and our fight... is one and the same. We do — We'll continue to fight communism. It is not— It may be repeated here — There is no two Vietnams. There is only one Vietnam... temporarily divided in Geneva in '54... between a free zone, which is North Vietnam... and an occupied zone, occupied by the French — but the French had still, after Geneva, the jurisdiction over South Vietnam... because they could not hand it over to a regime which did not exist. It is not even mentioned in the Geneva agreement. The regime of Saigon is only a temporary one... in waiting for election. The refusal was amply justified... if only because the kind of election... envisaged by the Geneva agreement of 1954 — a free election — could not have been held. Anyone who thinks that a free election... was possible in communist North Vietnam... knows little of how communists operate... and could have fallen into a Moscow-Peiping trap. The United States could not agree today... any more than in 1956... to legitimizing communist control... of all Vietnam by a device of a communist-style election. You all have sat with me... on the Foreign Relations Committee in 1956... when our intelligence forces brought in their reports warning... that if the election called for by the Geneva accords... forJuly 1956 were held... Ho Chi Minh would be elected president in South Vietnam... by at least 80%% of the vote. And our country that boasts about believing in self-determination... used its power and its prestige and its influence... really to get our first puppet government under Diem... not to cooperate in holding those elections. That's just a matter of historic record. As you know, when Ngo Dinh Diem and Nhu... were finally killed in 1963... some 50,000 to 60,000 — the precise number is not readily available — but some 50,000 to 60,000 political prisoners... were released from prisons in South Vietnam subsequent to this. Uh, elements of the rotating governments... that followed the death of Diem and Nhu... Have indicated that most of those people... Were not Vietcong sympathizers in any way, shape or form... Which would indicate that all political... Activity that was antithetical to Diem and Nhu... Was met either with murder in the south or imprisonment. And from 1958... we see the existence, confirmed by some American experts... and some broadcasts from — of a National Front for Liberation of South Vietnam. It was, in fact, a consolidation of all the forces... Who, for years, were struggling against the Diem regime... And it was not, as it has been said too much and too often... The political arm of Hanoi. The National Front for Liberation included the former remnants... Of this political religious sects, Cao Dai and Hao... Binh Xuyen too, the former Viet Minh... And the democratic party, the radical socialist party... And various other elements who are united in the common aim... To overthrow the regime, to create the coalition government... Democratic regime in the south... In order to be able to discuss with the north the provision of Geneva. That means the end of the occupation regime in the south... And peaceful reunification between the two parts of Vietnam. Uh, the Front is not what you would call a puppet of Hanoi. The two organizations — and I do stress they are two organizations — work very closely together. Many of their aims are parallel aims... but their ideas do not always coincide... and, indeed, sometimes their policies are in conflict. A land reform was a total failure. They were sporadic attempts to try and deal with land... But they never had any real support from Diem. What he did was that he gave... To the 1,200,000 tenants... Some land. Actually, didn't give it to them. He sanctioned the fact that the Viet Minh had given it to them. But he made them pay for it now. The downhill trend of the Diem regime... Is best described... by the increase of corruption... by the increase of the influence... of a near psychopath like his brother Nhu... and his wife, Madame Nhu... both of whom had a drive for power... which I can only describe as pathological. I had, once, dinner with them... and Nhu told me, "You see... "we could have an opposition in Vietnam... "if I led it... "but since I'm the only intelligent man in South Vietnam... "all my mental capacity... "goes into leading my brother... "To rule South Vietnam. I have nothing left to organize an opposition". Now, this kind of conceit is, of course, pathological. However, this man gained more and more influence over Diem... Together with his wife. This is the kind of psychology you had in a turbulent, changing Asia. This old, sort of mandarin idea that I am— I have this almost divine right to rule. How can you challenge what I say, because I'm incorruptible? Staley bought this strategic hamlet from Nhu. Nhu brought it out as a new little goodie — no pun intended — but came up with the strategic hamlet... and this amounted to the same old approach of forced relocation... the living behind bars... the total regimentation of the social and the fabric of the society. One of the more significant things about the strategic hamlet... is that they were physically and literally demolished by the Vietcong... after Diem and Nhu were killed. Every stick was taken down and every piece of wire. The enemy took this off to make use of it... and told the people, "Return to your ancestral homes". And at that time they began to take effective control over the countryside. Diem was corrupted on vanity and power... Nhu on his own ego... Madame Nhu, certainly, on power. She was the one who really understood what they were doing the most. She was the most realistic one. She had no illusions about them. She was a smart, strong, dynamic woman. No illusions about herself. And she tended to set policy. She knew what they wanted. She didn't worry about what the Americans were saying— be nice, or do this nice, popular thing. The important thing to her was the survival of the family. Anybody who got in the way of the survival of the family was a threat. In this affair, I do not think that we should worry too much... because we have the same faith. Whatever happens in my country, we shall not feel it alone. You, also —You will feel it. The base of Diem was his army, which was American-supported... and American aid coming through... and the police force... and, generally, an increasingly police-state technique. But there was no dissent. They controlled the legislature, which was a rubber stamp. About the question of a horrible stamp... I have repeatedly said... "But what's wrong to have a stamp the laws we approve?" A major policy paper issued by the State Department... in December of 1961... stated flatly— and I quote... "The years 1956 to 1960... "produced something close to an economic miracle... "in South Vietnam. "It is a report of progress over a few brief years... equaled by few young countries". It has been said by Confucius, wonderfully well — He said, "Never have laws too precise... "because the precision of the law gives a possibility to get around it. "Have laws that are built by governments... "which are reliable, which know you... which are close to you". And this is how, in the organization of the Vietnamese society... the village was so essential. And I think that this has been the great mistake of Ngo Dinh Diem — to replace the leader of the village... who was the expression of the country... the expression, as they say... of the wind and the water... of the locality. He replaced that by appointed village chiefs. Now, when the Vietcong assassinated village chiefs... they were not at all village chiefs... but people who were not belonging there... and it was a scandal to a village to have them there. And so when the Vietcong assassinated so many of those people — and I am not a man who likes to hear... that people have been assassinated — And some of them might have been very good people. The majority might have been acceptable... if they had been the expression of the village. But at the very point where the Vietnamese nation... the Vietnamese earth... arises and speaks to the government... through the — not chiefs — through the representatives of the village... the elders of the village... at that very point where the life of the country is... Ngo Dinh Diem put, simply... a wet blanket of functionaries. Just at the point where was... the life of the country... he brought the extinguishing methods... of a government which was not a government for the Vietnamese. One of the very significant events... Toward the end of the Diem regime... Which indicated the degree of decay... Particularly in the morale of the army... Was the Battle of Ap Bac. It indicated that, militarily... The Diem regime... Was unable to handle the insurrection... And it brought about discussions in Washington... Which eventually led to the decision... To put in our own troops... And not only our equipment. The vice-president's journey represented a great public service. There are members from both parties here today to greet him. There were members of both parties in his group... going around the world. This was an American effort to indicate our great concern... for the cause of freedom in insignificant and important countries... around the world. We visited in several countries... where the population... Would add up to more than three-quarters of a billion people. We didn't see all of those people, but we saw a good many of them... As well as their leaders. We never heard a hostile voice and we never shook a hostile hand. When Vice-President Johnson... which was also part of the '61 arrangement — When he came to Vietnam, he announced... a series of things that the United States was going to do. And this is when we made a fundamental change in our policy. I can remember Bernard Fall in 1962... interviewing Pham Van Dong, the prime minister... Of North Vietnam... And talking about the American aid. And Pham Van Dong was saying... "Poor Diem. Poor Diem. He is unpopular. "And because he is unpopular... "The Americans must give him aid. "And because the Americans give him aid... "He becomes less popular. "And because he becomes less popular, the Americans must give him more aid. And because they give him more aid, he becomes even less popular". Bernard Fall interrupted and said, "That sounds like a vicious circle". Pham Van Dong paused and said, "No, not a vicious circle. A downward spiral". I'm Roger Hillsman. I was Director of Intelligence and Research in the State Department... underJohn F. Kennedy... and then Assistant Secretary of State for Far Eastern Affairs... under Kennedy and, for a while, under PresidentJohnson. The most dramatic was one day in Saigon... When a Buddhist parade started off. With a sort of a hypnotic chant... The yellow-robed priests... Marching along. And then there stepped forward a very frail old man in his 70s... who turned out to be this priest Quang Duc. And he assumed the lotus posture. Another priest stepped forward and poured gasoline over him. But I don't think anything really gives the flavor or the fever of that time... More than to point out that when this monk burned himself... Ngo Dinh Diem really believed that American television networks had staged this. They had paid the Buddhists to stage this burning for their own benefit. I mean, after all, the Americans were Diem's allies. And then suddenly, a towering flame. And the priests and the nuns in the audience... Moaned and prostrated themselves towards this burning figure. And he sat there, unflinching... And the smell of gasoline and ofburning flesh in the air... For 10 minutes. The political effects of this were enormous. It was so dramatic. It hit the headlines all over the world. It had enormous political consequences... outside of Vietnam and inside of Vietnam. Uh, people thought they saw... the face of Buddha in the clouds that night. People have spoken very much about... the monks who burned themselves. But those monks who burned themselves... burned themselves because they were incited to do it. The American idea, which was "sink or swim with Ngo Dinh Diem"— as my colleague Homer Bigart had coined the phrase— I think the idea of that was, well, that he had become an expendable man. American policy had always been that he was the only man we had. Johnson had called him the Winston Churchill of Southeast Asia... which is a unique tribute to Mr. Churchill. So I think with this, they had changed the American policy view — that they were expendable. What happened was, of course, the coup did take place... On that day in November, and they were murdered. It had taken place in an atmosphere... Where the Americans, who had, in a sense created this regime... Who had given it what little sustenance it had... Whose invention Ngo Dinh Diem had really always been... Had withdrawn. Because, after all, the V.C. were about to take his cities without even a fight. The V.C. were running rampant over the countryside. The strategic hamlet program was really finished. It didn't exist. And it was not so much that the Americans had aided the coup... Or created it... But as they had given all their aid to Diem... They had moved back and they had said, "No. We just support the anticommunist effort". It wasn't that they were on the side of the others, but they made it very clear... that they would stand aside. And with that, they spelled the final end to that regime. We've gone in on the assumption — this is the myth — that a friendly government has asked us to come in... and prevent a takeover. Well, what friendly government? That government has changed half a dozen times since that time. It changes from week to week. No one knows just what the government is. I am very much impressed by the military and economic... And the social programs instituted by General Khan. I appreciated, also, the opportunity to talk with the Chief of State... General Minh. In other words, you cannot defeat the communists... without the support of the people. And to have this support... you must bring justice to the people. In other words... equality and freedom. How do you achieve this now? Justice. Justice. Banish corruption. Give to the people... a higher standard of living... and make them feel free. Would Kennedy have done whatJohnson has done? There were two things that he very, very much wished to avoid. One was making this an American war. As he used to say, "It's their war— the South Vietnamese. "We can give them aid. We can even give them advisers. But they must win it or lose it". And I think he was fully prepared to let them lose it... rather than make it an American war. He felt that if we put Americans in there, with their white faces... it would drive nationalism into the arms of communism. The second thing he wished to avoid was internationalizing the war, as we called it. By this we meant bombing the north or attacking the north. First and foremost because it would not work. And here 30-some odd months of bombing has shown that his judgment was right. I think that, uh, there's great danger in this country, uh... because of the fact that so much of our economy... is geared, uh, in the military area. There is grave danger of, uh... a military-industrial alliance of a kind... uh... actually affecting policy. Now, uh, Vietnam is a case in point. Uh, not the only place, because we're spending $50 billion a year... outside of Vietnam... for our military. And, uh, I do think that, uh... having dropped more bombs on Vietnam... than were dropped by all the Allied powers in World War II, in tonnage... on that small country— I mean, to me, it's just, how silly can you get? Present... arms! I think communist aggression must result in communist disaster. And I don't think you're gonna get that at the conference table. The world is watching us in Vietnam... to see if we'll put our money where our mouth is. It's just that simple. And I just wish that, uh, uh... we would decide to win the war... and that we would step out and close the port of Haiphong... and hit every military, renumerative target over there. I think you're, uh, a better chance to bring the communists to the conference table... than if we do not hurt them. However, American instinct makes us want to jump in with both feet... and get an unpleasant job over with as soon as possible. But traditional Oriental patience... makes them willing to carry on the struggle... into generation after generation, if necessary. We're fighting a war over there... with a commodity... most precious to us... and held far more cheaply by the enemy— the lives of men. I don't think it's necessary to have an invasion of North Vietnam. It would be just exactly what the enemy wants. He'd like us to put down 100,000 men in the field, and they'd put down 100,000. They're willing to lose half of theirs, and ours is a precious commodity. I wouldn't trade one dead American for 50 dead Chinamen. We must fight the war from our strength, not the enemy's. We must fight it at least cost to ourselves... and at greatest cost to the enemy. We must change the currency of this game from men to material. What's that? What is the greatest single problem we're facing in Vietnam? Well, it's the despicable communist enemy. No question about it. And the sooner we smash him, as we should have done in Korea — If we'd done it in Korea, in our first test of arms with communism... we wouldn't be confronted, I don't think, with the situation we have in Vietnam. Do you have respect for the Vietcong? Do you think they're a good soldier? Well, there's no question about it. They're willing to die readily, as all Orientals are. And their leaders will sacrifice them, and we won't sacrifice ours. The only solution I see... is to use our strength — our air and naval power— in the most humane possible m — manner— manner possible... to destroy North Vietnamese capability to wage war... against the free people of South Vietnam. So I think the sooner that we hit everything we can and hurt 'em over there... we got a better chance to win that war... and that's exactly what we should do, in my opinion. So, the harbor at Haiphong... and the entire capacity to receive outside help — close it. The power system that fuels every war-making facility... the transportation system — rails, rolling stock, bridges, yards — eliminate 'em. Every factory and every industrial installation... beginning with the biggest and the best... and never ending, so long as there are two bricks still stuck together. Yeah! And, if necessary, the irrigation system, on which food production largely depends. We must be willing to continue our bombing... until we've destroyed every work of man in North Vietnam... if this is what it takes to win the war. Then there was a little crisis there. The military thought that there was a great infiltration. Secretary McNamara went out, came back and said, "No, there wasn't a crisis at that time". But I thought it was very significant... that PresidentJohnson then appointed a committee... to prepare a list of targets in the north... in case he should decide to bomb the north. The more I thought about this, the more I became convinced... that if there were a crisis, he would escalate the war. This is part of the steady escalation... that's taken place during the last five years. First we sent in only advisers. Then it developed these advisers were also in combat. Then we sent in the marines... and the first thing was said was they were only there to defend. The next thing was that they were to shoot back if attacked. And now there is an admission that we're all in. Some others are eager to enlarge the conflict. They call upon us to supply American boys... to do the job that Asian boys should do. They ask us to take reckless action... which might risk the lives of millions... and engulf much of Asia... and certainly threaten the peace of the entire world. A second deliberate attack... was made during darkness... by an undetermined number... of North Vietnamese P.T. Boats... on the U.S.S. Maddox and the U.S.S. C. TurnerJoy... While the two destroyers were cruising in company... on routine patrol duty... in the Tonkin Gulf... in international waters... some 65 miles from the nearest point of land. They put out that propaganda, but they got caught... because we were able to disclose within two days... that if they would check upon the log of the Maddox, for example... they would find she was only 11 to 13 miles... from the bombing of those islands. And, of course, that's coverage. And the North Vietnamese knew that it was coverage. Do our naval vessels afford any cover for these— those operations? Our naval vessels afford no cover whatsoever. Now, the sad fact is, history will record... that the United States was an aggressor in Tonkin Bay. We were violating the rights of North Vietna — They had no right to proceed on the second day... to, ourselves, bomb... uh, North Vietnam — the areas where her torpedo boats were kept. But we had a duty— That wasn't self-defense. Bombing North Vietnam was not within the right of the president... to act in self-defense of the republic. My duties on board the seaplane tender were... nuclear weapons officer. On August 4... there was an alleged attack upon the U.S.S. Maddox... And TurnerJoy... two of our destroyers... In the Gulf of Tonkin. Destroyer personnel indicated at first that they were under attack... and later indicated uncertainty as to whether or not they were under attack. Large numbers of torpedoes... were supposed to have been fired. The ship was, uh... reporting itself as continuously maneuvering to avoid torpedo attack... and yet there was also indicated in these messages... doubt as to whether or not they were under attack at all. And I have a feeling, therefore, that this harassment attack... and this attack with 20 or more torpedoes upon two of our destroyers... was designed to force us out, in a way... lest we precipitate a greater struggle. I have a feeling that they've misread America once again. In the course of our conversation... this chief petty officer told me that he was a sonar man... on board the U.S.S. Maddox... And that he had been in sonar— the sonar room — during the attack. He told me that, in his estimation... there were no torpedoes fired at the ship or otherwise... during that alleged attack... and furthermore, he constantly repeated this — uh, sent this information to the commanding officer on the bridge. The North Vietnamese... Have no submarines. What is the purpose of that movement? This is purely precautionary... so that the fleet will be prepared for all eventualities. What sort of eventualities, General? - Well, possible submarine attack. - By whom? By anyone. Well, you always contended that in the first incident they were having— I am contending that having the Maddox and the Joy there... constituted... in view of the knowledge as to what the South Vietnamese boats were up to... an act of constructive aggression on our part. The Vietnamese situation... as I noted on my visit back home last week and this week... has taken on some real spirit and real interest. I thought perhaps a statement by the joint senate-house Republican leadership... would be timely and quite in order at this moment. As a result of what we have done in South Vietnam... not only has the psychology changed there... but also it has had a most beneficial effect... in my opinion... among other free Asian countries... who looked at South Vietnam as a test. Okay, today— today's the day. It's the big one. This is the one we've been waiting for. This is the one you've all been saying to yourselves... "What this company needs is a good fight". By the grace of God, we're gonna get it. From there we're gonna "S"and "D"— search and destroy, the thing you guys like. Okay. Some of you, I know this is gonna be a shock to you... But it's a switch for ol'Alpha Troop— we're ridin'in, and we're not ridin'in on one of those dusty ol'A.P.C.'s. We're goin'in first-class. T.W.A. — Teeny-Weeny Airlines. Well, search and destroy is an attempt to... as the first word would indicate... To find the enemy... To search out where he would be... And then to destroy him in his habitat. Okay! West of the stream and east of the road. Roger. How much rice do you think is actually in there? Oh, geez, I don't know. About... 20 tons, 10 tons. How far back does it go? It's about 30 by 15. Anyways, about 12 feet deep. Come on. How do you destroy this much rice? The demo man usually blows it up. - You gonna blow it up? - If they can't get it out, they'll blow it up. It's, uh, unmilled rice. Oh, look at that. Here's all the detachment consists of— two double-rotored Chinook helicopters. The Chinook usually are cargo or troop carriers. But not these— they're gunships. The prisoners that we've captured are — that have been captured... say that this is the most feared weapon outside the B- 52s. That is because of the amount of ammunition we carry... the various types of weapons in the amount of time we can stay on station. At the present time we have on this... A 140-millimeter grenade launcher, two 20-millimeter cannons... Five 50-caliber machine guns... And two rocket launcher pods consisting of 192:75 rockets. Uh, we usually carry inside two additional M60 machine guns... And ammunition for them. Occasionally, the crew rat-holes a few things they don't tell us about until they're airborne. If we work at it, we can unload in about 20-25 minutes. But we are in danger ofburning out barrels, which we frequently do. I was amazed, when I came to this outfit... How accurate the 50-calibers were. I figured they would be no more than aerial spray weapons. But they can actually walk those weapons right down a tree line. Now, the 20-millimeter is, of course, very, very accurate and has quite a range. We can start firing this machine 4,000 meters away, which is a considerable distance. The one I fly is known as "Birth Control". You look like you enjoy your work. Why? Well, I been doin' it for 36 months since I been in the service. It's the type of work I enjoy— outside, moving around. But this particular operation, the cedar falls, why are you enjoying this? Well, I think were benefiting by clearing all this area. This is the first time we've got a push on like this and haven't walked off and left it. They're completely going right ahead and pushing on forward... Instead of walking off. - Where did you find these people? - They live in the village of Dong Lien... Between here and the railroad to the west. Why'd you bring 'em in here? We've had so much trouble when we've moved through this area. Been a lot of civilians killed as a result of this. As we made our pass through here we picked these people up... And moved 'em with us into here so that we could make a careful sweep... And probe each and every hut, looking for tunnels and caves, possible V.C. hiding places. We found a few caves... And blew 'em, picked up some weapons, killed a few V.C. We're now gonna sweep back through, go to the railroad and move back to the west. - What's gonna happen to the people tonight? - Well, we're gonna keep 'em right here. We've got some chow for 'em, some water. We'll feed 'em. You'd be surprised how they can take care of themselves with a minimum of resources. They take care of these children here during the night. They'll huddle real close together. They'll keep warm. How long are you gonna hold on to these people? Well, around noon tomorrow, as we move back out to the west... Then these people'll be released to go back to their own huts... To cultivate their rice, harvest their rice... Continue their normal activity. Uh— Uh— You got some V.C. suspects out of this group, didn't you? Uh, yes, wejust heli-lifted five suspects out ofhere, back to battalion rear C.P. To be further interrogated. How did you select them? These chieu hoi people— Vietnamese interpreters we have with us— they've been in this area two or three years, they know these people... And from talking to 'em they get ideas that maybe these people know more than they're telling us. We take 'em back to get a little higher echelon of interrogation... Down at Hoi Yen or Dinh Banh. Some of these people come back to us, even... And we'll put 'em with our companies to sweep these riverbanks. It's hard to knowjust who a V.C. is unless he's carrying a weapon... Or a cartridge belt or some grenades or somethin'. Aperson just walkin'along, you don't know ifhe's a V.C. or not. Might be in this crowd. But then, some of these people that have operated with the V.C. And if they defect and come over, we can use these people as scouts. They go along riverbanks with us, and they look just like anybody else. But when they have a weapon, then they're free game. How did this man get killed? He threw grenades at the marines. Instead ofjust one, he threw three, and a marine spotted him... And started shooting at him... And that's how he got it. Those two big holes by his eye and throat were done by 30:06 sniper rifles. All the rest of the holes are done by this new type of rifle we got, the M16. How about all these people who are standing behind me over there? - Do you think any of them know this man? - Yes, they do. But they wouldn't admit it... Because they're afraid that we will take them back to C.P. for questioning... And detain them... Under this R.V.N. Program... where they teach them propaganda for three months — they hold 'em for three months. That's why they won't admit they know this man here. We've put over three million of them into what I would call a concentration camp. They call it a refugee center. It's got barbed wire around it. They can't get out of it. We've taken these people from the graves of their ancestors... from their rice paddies... and we say, "Oh, well, we've pacified X-million people". Yeah, we've pacified some more people by putting them in these camps. I'll wind this up in a hurry. I know many people have said we've killed innocent people. Our bombs have killed civilians and babies and mothers... and I suppose there is truth to that. There have been people that have been killed. But your government has not bombed civilians. Your government has not bombed open cities. Your government has sent its bombers in after targets — military targets... that have been placed in an area surrounded by civilians. Try a sweep-around? The unfortunate thing is, the enemy is quite frequently located... In areas that have people who are not part of the military structure... In an immediate sense. They may be sympathizers. They may be supporting through their efforts, their work. But what occurs when you engage in a search and destroy... Is the destruction— the needless destruction— of innocent human— innocent civilians. Now, you might say that they're all part of the entire communist apparatus. But the feature is that if we are going to prevent this war from degenerating... Into a genocidal activity... Then our attempt would be to rehabilitate... Or to wean those folks away from the communists, rather than to destroy them. This is what search and destroy becomes in a very practical sense. They are the subject of our constant concern... because they're such a magnificent... group of fighting men. Their morale is extremely high. They always have a smile. I was at a very kind of sobering thing last night — a memorial service for four men in the 2nd Squadron... who were killed the other day, one of them being a medic. And the place was just packed. We sang three hymns and had a nice prayer. I turned around and looked at their faces... and they were — I was just proud. My feeling for America just soared because of their— the way they looked. They looked determined and, and reverent at the same time. But still, they're a bloody good bunch of killers. When a captive is taken by... the United States or free world forces... he is, following interrogation... Uh, turned over to the Vietnamese authorities. These prisoners are not being mistreated. They are being handled in accordance... With the provisions... Of the Geneva Conventions. The prisoners were, uh, executed in our outfit... As a standard policy. We were told by our C. O... after our first battle... that from then on we weren't gonna take any prisoners. My name is John Toller. I'm a sergeant in the U.S. Army Special Forces, known as the Green Berets. I'm en route to Vietnam. However, I'm deserting the army... because I'm protesting the U.S. Involvement in the Vietnamese conflict. Today your soldiers, sailors, airmen, marines and coast guardsmen... are better educated than before... are better informed... have traditional American ingenuity and initiative... are better physical specimens... have high morale... and understand what the war is all about. As I mentioned before... about changing the minds of the apathetic populace... the key is the communication... and most of the American soldiers I know can't communicate. They don't really understand the Vietnamese way of life... and its goal. And the only way they can communicate is through money or with a gun. So after a while they develop this kind of fear. And so, a misunderstanding and a noncommunication — They mistrust the Vietnamese... and they kind of despise them. Once we got to Vietnam, it was an entirely different story. The officers started referring to the Vietnamese as "gooks". They even went so far as to say that the only good gook is a dead gook. They said, "You can't trust 'em— You can't trust any of these slant-eyed bastards... Because none of them are no good". It looks like this beach has just about everything. - Is there anything it lacks? - American girls! Well, there are girls down at the other end of the beach, though. They're off-limits to me. They're gooks. You know, slant-eyed. They're no good. Who needs girls? Same slope. I'm David Werfel... professor of political science at the University of Missouri. I'm a specialist in Southeast Asian politics. I spent about seven years in Asia... teaching, researching... studying. As a matter of fact, I've written particularly about the problem... Of corruption and fraud in elections. Isn't it true, though, that the censorship now is going to be a little more rigorous... as soon as the campaign starts? No, sir, I don't think so. But you have said, have you not, that the Vietnamese press... should not criticize the candidates in the election? Why is that, sir? Well, it's our formal... and present policy. I don't think it's wise... to allow people to use free press... to, you know, issue... critici — criticism of each other... because it created more confusion, more division among the people. The elections that were held in 1967... For national office... Of course, in the first place, could be participated in... Only by people living in so-called secure areas... Which excluded at least a third of the population... That were in areas so thoroughly under the control on the N.L.F. That the government couldn't even pretend to regulate affairs there. We should call to the attention of the people... that the folks that are doing the most... to keep us from having a fair and free election... in Vietnam today... are the Vietcong... and the North Vietnamese themselves. This is not to say... That the campaign of the election in the south... Will go off without blemish. This is only to say... That an effort is being made... And a strong effort... With our very strong support and endorsement... To conduct an open election... In a nation... That's under fire... From guerrillas and from terrorists and from aggressors... And from invaders. And so, President Johnson... Being true to the origin of the elections in the first place... was very much concerned... about how the American people would interpret these elections... and he saw that it was necessary to appoint... an official observer team. But, of course, most of the people had never been in Asia before. Almost none of them had ever been in Vietnam before. Very few of them even had any contacts in Vietnam. So the theoretical opportunity to talk to anybody they wanted to... Simply could not be utilized. In fact, most of those who talked to anyone except embassy people... Talked to those Vietnamese... Introduced to them... By embassy people. Voting officials, voters, everybody were on their good behavior... Because the American observers were there. So, for them to have expected... That they would see fraud with their own eyes... Was, uh, simply absurd. Furthermore, they left Vietnam... Within 24 hours after the polls closed... And in that period after the polls closed... They did not speak to a single Vietnamese. The possession of a clipped and stamped voting card, of course... Was a very important protection for the Vietnamese peasant. It was almost as important as having his registration card. And anyone in Vietnam... Who does not have an official government registration or identity card... Is in deep trouble. He's immediately assumed to be a Vietcong... Is taken into the police station for questioning, or worse. I saw even in Saigon, uh, in working-class districts... where on election day, rather early in the afternoon... the polling place ran out of vote — uh, ran out of, uh, ballots. And there were people already lined up... wanting to vote at this polling place. When it was announced that they had run out of ballots... the poor washer women and workmen were frightened to death — "We've got to vote! We've got to vote! We've got to have our clipped voting card!" So, uh, in balance... We had a government elected... With little more than a third of the vote... Hailed by the United States — Johnson administration... as being a popular and legitimate government... nearly two-thirds of the people voting against it... and even that 35% %, of course, being to a considerable extent... a result of fraud and, uh, intimidation. It was bad enough for the generals to get away... With double-voting and ballot box stuffing... But to have the American observers say that they thought it was all fine and dandy... Made the Vietnamese very mad indeed. There were efforts to protest election fraud. There were student demonstrations. And as a matter of fact, at one point it almost looked as if the election... Would be invalidated. What I think we've come to, and what I think the tragedy of Vietnam... clearly demonstrates... is that we now find ourselves... in a world in which the arrangements of power... cannot yet be ignored... but in which the instruments of power... no longer work. If this lesson has been taught us in Vietnam... then the stubborn little guerrillas out there... who sawed off the American giant at the knees and brought him down... almost like David versus Goliath... will have done a great service not only to their own cause... whatever one may think about it... but perhaps to the cause of world peace... and perhaps most particularly to the colossus himself. Maybe we needed to be brought up short. Maybe what we've been doing in Vietnam all along... is an exercise in what Senator Fulbright has called... the arrogance of power. We cannot retreat... from anyplace... and I can tell you that we don't intend to retreat. We were asked by the State Department... to prepare a letter and send it to Ho Chi Minh... through a channel which had been opened and was available to us. We were certain would deliver the letter directly to him. It was a very conciliatory letter written in the State Department... in consultation, word by word, with Secretary Bundy... Secretary Katzenbach and others... in which we spoke on behalf— this was the actual phraseology— "on behalf of" high officials of the State Department. All of Asia — free Asia — as well as communist Asia... is watching Vietnam. And if, for example, out of this present struggle... after making this great commitment... after turning around the psychology in Asia... we then agree to a coalition government with the communists... or we force the South Vietnamese into a neutralized position... and neutralize as we did Laos... or if we make... any kind of territorial concessions to the Vietcong... either one of these three courses of action... would be interpreted as a retreat... and also a defeat, not only for South Vietnam but for the United States. We had an extended interview — almost two hours —with Ho Chi Minh. It was perfectly clear, in the course of that interview... that Ho Chi Minh was delivering to us certain information he expected us to deliver... back to the State Department. And on the side of Ho Chi Minh... understand that, first of all, he will bring to the negotiation... the prestige of an unparalleled life of devotion to his country. In the history of this century... he will be the great patriot. And be careful here. Don't forget that he is a Marxist. And don't expect him to turn a traitor to the ideal of his life. He was unyielding on the point that the bombing had to halt... before his negotiators would enter into any kind of substantive discussions. But I think he was trying to make the point, and making it repeatedly... that after that the agenda was open. There may be those who say, well, obviously you haven't offered them enough. Well, it's true that we haven't offered them South Vietnam. And it is true that we have not agreed to assure them... that we will stop the bombing on a permanent and unconditional basis. We discovered sometime later... when the correspondence was made public by Hanoi... that four days before our letter could arrive in Hanoi... a letter arrived there, sent over PresidentJohnson's signature... which was a very hard line letter indeed... which restated all the previous conditions regarding cessation of the bombing... and even added some new ones... and which was, in our judgment... intended to do what it did do... which was to break off any possibility of negotiation at that time. This letter, we subsequently learned... had been written two days before ours was written... in conjunction with the State Department. We found, to our surprise and shock, I might say... that Harriman was already saying that he proposed to negotiate the settlement... by suggesting that there had to be some reciprocal military action... in return for the final cessation of the bombing. In other words, the same point thatJohnson had been standing on... before he made the speech of March 31. It was almost as though Harriman turned off his hearing aid... when we told him this would not work... this was not the understanding the North Vietnamese had... and they would certainly repudiate it... if he attempted to take that position at the bargaining table. And this, of course, is what did happen at Paris. In the view of the North Vietnamese... the reciprocity means... United States is bombing North Vietnam... and North Vietnam must bomb United States. This, in their view, is reciprocity. Since North Vietnam is not bombing the United States... the United States should not bomb North Vietnam. The general impression that I came away with — and I think here I would speak for my colleague Bill Baggs — was that we were dealing with the State Department... on a basis of what we have come to call Fulbright's Law — "Never Trust the State Department". Bombing is going on in the south. We haven't bombed anybody's embassy in Hanoi... but they've bombed our embassy in Saigon. Arms continue to flow. Men continue to come. We've tried all over the Earth to find an answer to the question... what else would stop if the bombing stopped? The niceties of the argument about whether there are two Vietnams... or one Vietnam... seem quite inconsequential when you're talking to Ho Chi Minh. It would seem incredible... that this man does not speak for most of the Vietnamese — not all, but most — and the idea that there could be some arbitrary geographic dividing line... that would cut off his influence... has been proved an absurdity... by the figure and determination... of the National Liberation Front... that fights in his name in the south. My name is Ilya Todd. I'm a journalist on the non-communist, liberal, left-wing French paper... Le nouvel observateur. I first went to South Vietnam when escalations started in 1965... and I first went to North Vietnam at the end of 1967. Uh, I'm Harrison Salisbury of the New York Times. Uh, assistant managing editor of the Times. I'm, uh, Father Daniel Berrigan. I'm working here at Cornell teaching... and helping with the peace movement. It's about one month since I was in North Vietnam... on a project to get the three American flyers out. At the time I went to North Vietnam... the communiques which were being issued, by Washington in particular... about the American bombing raids on the north... Gave the impression, although they did not say so specifically... That we were not killing civilians... In any substantial numbers, at least... In the course of our very heavy bombing offensive. Indeed, PresidentJohnson himself said that the targets... Were, uh, steel and concrete. I think almost anyone familiar with war... Would have been somewhat skeptical of the ability to bomb with such precision: And indeed, when I got on the spot in North Vietnam... I discovered, of course, that while the bombs presumably had been aimed... Toward military objectives, as best the aviators could aim them... They indeed did kill many civilians... Demolished large areas of civilian housing. Before I left for North Vietnam... I was under the impression that it was a small country... That was just sort of vaguely fighting back. But after seeing many battles against American planes... from the banks of the Red River... I changed my opinions completely. The antiaircraft in North Vietnam... In certain pockets, as the American pilots say, is absolutely formidable. It's a sort of four-level affair. You have people equipped with submachine guns and rifles... Shooting at a first level, forcing the planes to go up to a second level... Where there they come against the machine guns... A lot of them being Chinese. And then they're forced up to a third level... Which is that of the ordinary guns, most of them, I would say, Russian. And after that they go up to a level where they meet the SAMs— And I was being told that these SAMs were antiquated... When in fact they are not— they are formidably powerful. During one week in October... I saw at least 11 planes in five days... Being shot by the North Vietnamese... Antiaircraft defense. When you walk about the streets of Hanoi... You are struck by the fact that you constantly see... Civilians going about in trucks... With guns in their arms... Or even walking down the streets with guns strapped to their back. It's unusual to see so many people with guns in their hands... and it's most unusual to see this in a communist country. One evening, on the road to Haiphong... We were bombed 300 yards from where we were. And with my interpreter we immediately went onto the side road. I was very frightened. I was terribly frightened. As soon as we bumped into a machine gun nest, fear disappeared. The government has understood this... and I think this is one of the reasons why it has armed most of the population. We went into the countryside... And we saw great evidence in the cities as well... That the people are generally armed. The civilian militia is very large. The women share, for instance, the burden of antiaircraft gunfire... In defense of the city. We saw large numbers of men and women on the roofs ofbuildings... Preparing, in the early stages of air alarms, for the bombardment itself. And they said to us quite openly on several occasions... "Look, one of the most practical evidences of the truth that this government speaks for us... "Is that the government has armed us... "To the point where, if we wanted, we could bring the government down in a day... And they themselves know this". At the time that I was in North Vietnam... There obviously had not been any breaking of the morale of the people... Either in the cities or, as far as I could observe, out in the villages... Although they had been subjected to an extremely heavy bombardment. At that time it was reaching the levels of World War Il... And, of course, since that time has been much, much strengthened. The people of North Vietnam are young, for the most part... And the war effort is largely on the backs of teenagers... Not because they're running out of manpower, but because this is a young country. There is nothing that has not been attacked — There is no threat that has not been tried to be burned... or frayed or broken by us... and yet none of it has happened, or it's been repaired in the night. Altogether, I think one can say, objectively... that there isn't a town left standing, apart from Haiphong and Hanoi. So that there are hospitals, there are schools. There is a trusted government... and there are — there are political leaders... whom they don't hesitate to call loved and admired. Which is to say, the war's not working. It's a very simple judgment. Too simple for the complexities of our power. Uh, perhaps, in a deeper spiritual sense, too tough to face... because it means the end of a giant. It means the last days of Superman. It means that for those... with the capacity of overkill... kill is not enough. Um... the real thing required is to live in the real world. As Buber says, it is to be able to imagine the real world and imagine human beings. As long as the dinosaur couldn't do it, he ended up on the museum shelf... and as long as Superman can't do it, he can rave and destroy... but he cannot give life... and he cannot even truly, as we know so bitterly, he cannot live himself. The North Vietnamese always insist... That they are winning this war... That they are not simply resisting. And when I talked to Prime Minister Pham Van Dong... He said, "We are not underbombing, we are facing the bombs". And at first I thought this was mere propaganda. But seeing the North Vietnamese fighting, in the country and in the towns... I think that psychologically it is true. I was most interested to find that when I got to Hanoi... the authorities... put no restrictions on what I wanted to send out. Prime Minister Pham Van Dong has stressed, in his talk with me... The parallel between the ancient struggles... Of the Vietnamese people against the Chinese, the Manchus and the Mongols... And their contemporary struggles for independence... Which began, of course, under the French many years ago... Were continued without interruption through World War Il... Then resumed again against the French... And are now being carried on against the Americans. Prime Minister Pham Van Dong turned to me at one point and said... "Mr. Salisbury, how long do you want to fight? Ten years? Twenty? Thirty? You pick the term of years. We're ready to accommodate you". A rather bold statement, and maybe it had some bravado in it... But this is, again, in accordance with the spirit of the Vietnamese people. There's no one in that society who doesn't remember hunger... In his own lifetime... And it was interesting that, from the peasants to the young intellectuals... When you posed the very same question— that is, "What has the revolution meant, first of all, to you?"— you'll get the same answer— "We now have enough to eat". As simple as that. So that when the North Vietnamese government makes it its pledge ofhonor... That the rice bowl will be filled... This is so great a thing that we can hardly conceive of it—it seems to be off our radar. I think, you know, for them, the question is, first of all, a very, very concrete one. That statement is literally true. And then again it begins to move into the larger areas. The circumference of the bowl expands and you note that the revolution has meant... A passion for education... a passion for grass-roots involvement in their own future... their own social structures, their own politics... and that at the other end of that power, which they are trying to move upward... after so many, many years of colonial powerlessness... at the other end of that power is standing a man who also has a rice bowl in his hand... and whose poverty is equivalent... whose power has not separated himself from the fate of the majority... Who can move in the same cheap cotton clothing... And with dignity among them... And whose power is not an inferior backroom game... Or a game of marked cards under a table... Or corrupt double-talk such as we've gotten so used to in the chanceries of the West. Yet there is one light of hope... and this is that... throughout Vietnamese history they had catastrophes — they had Chinese, Mongolian invasions... Where whole provinces were destroyed. You are not the first people who destroyed villages in Vietnam... Unfortunately. And so, they are used to that... And it's a great tradition that the village is not lost... Even when it disappears from the surface of the ground... Because the village is down below— down below with the tradition, down below with the people... The ancestors who have made the country, literally. The country is hand-made. There is not one square foot, I would say, a square thumb of the earth... That has not been built as it is by the peasantry in the past. And this survives. And when waylaid after 100 years, a village comes back— the descendants of a village come back to the village... They find the village and the village starts again. Several thousand years in the past... in the ruins of Ur, the capital of Babylonia, which once boasted an eminent civilization, a violent monster began hibernating in the ruins, and someone had prophesied it would awaken in four thousand years. The people, who feared disaster, did nothing to disturb the ruins. But as the years went by, the prophecy was forgotten, and those who quietly targeted buried treasure started to appear. Oh, I found it! Caught another one! Hey, hey! Look, Father! Well, let's say that's the last one and go back. My, going back already? It was beginning to get interesting. Look at that. A storm's headed this way. You two go on ahead home. I'll make a quick patrol of the area before I come myself. Yes, Sir. Damn you, monster! Damn you, monster! Izu Magisterial Palace Saheiji, I wonder what happened to Father? The storm dissipated after all. He's probably patrolling through the depths of the territory. After all, he's a benevolent lord thinking of the people. I hope that's the case. Father! When did he... Come now! Stop it. It's Father. Father! My Lord! Father! Father! What the... My Lord, why are you doing this? Tainted things ought to be removed! Tainted? Are you saying God is tainted? Shut up! My Lord! My Lord... Wait, Father! Out of my way! No, Father. Why are you saying God and Buddha are tainted? You respected and revered them just this morning! What is this all of a sudden? Father! Not a word concerning what I do! Hurry up and clean this out! Burn the household altar and everything else! Got it? My Lord! My Lord! I really wonder what happened? It's as though he's a changed man. Steward... There must be a very good reason such a peaceful lord would behave in this manner all of a sudden. I know. Shinpachiro, look after Lady Ohie. My Lord... What exactly happened? What happened in the storm? You're being a pest, Saheiji But, My Lord! What? Who the hell? Some goon disguised as someone? But, My Lord! It can't be said your peculiar behavior isn't out of the ordinary. It can't be... I don't think it can be the case, but have you gone mad? Shut up! Continue your insolence and you'll be punished! What? I wonder what happened to that servant? Steward, how is our lord? What are all of you doing? ! Why have you not burned everything? ! Steward! It is a grave crime to disobey the lord's orders! Saheiji! Lady Ohie, the same goes for you. If you say one thing too many, even you will be shown no mercy. What happened? Now, even you are saying things like that! Shut up! Get to it! They are to be burned immediately! Damn it. What nerve using that kind of magic. What is it, you filthy bastard? As you can see, I'm Kappa the water imp! Water imp? I'm not just an ordinary water imp! I'm the master of this house! Master? I don't know what kind of apparition you are, but it's an embarrassment to me to let you do whatever you want in my territory! Now, hurry up and get lost! Wait, damn you! If that's how you want it, I'm prepared for the worst! Don't cry if you get hurt! Ow! Ow! Ouch! Hot! Ow... damn it... Damn you! I'll remember this! Ow... That hurt. Hey! Hey! It's anyone here? Hey! Why? That's weird. O h, it's you. You surprised me. Where's everyone else? Over here... I'm over here... What's with the ghastly look? Eh? I need a big favor. I need every one's help. To do what? I got kicked out of the place I live. Kicked out? By who? Some awesome monster. Monster? What kind? he's got a face like an ogre and the body of a beast. If he bites a human, the human's personality changes completely. Changes personality? At any rate, it's a monster I've never seen nor heard until today. You'll all help me, right? No way. Why not? What? If it was something else, it's about you so... If you really got kicked out, we'd help you no matter what, but... Hey! You think I'm lying to you guys? ! Apparition Social Register Apparition Social Register Apparition Social Register? Apparition Social Register? Japanese Apparition Picture Book Japanese Apparition Picture Book Japanese Apparition Picture Book? Japanese Apparition Picture Book? What are these? Take a good look. Those have all the apparitions in Japan in them. The monster you described isn't in them at all. But... Didn't you see some hallucination because you're lacking water? No, if you think I'm lying, you can see it for yourself. It's real. You have to believe me! Come on! Cool off his head. Shinobu, worrying about it here won't solve anything. Go to bed. But... It's alright. My Lady! My Lady! Lady Ohie! Lady Ohie! What's the matter? What are you doing here by yourself? I've been lurking to see if I can find some clue as to why his lordship and the steward have become changed men all of a sudden. I see. What about yourself? I was concerned and couldn't sleep. I was speaking to Shinobu the maid and a sudden urge to sleep overcame me. When I woke up, she was gone. When you became sleepy, Shinobu disappeared? I had a bad feeling about it, so I've come to look for her. I'll investigate. Please go back to your room and wait there. Alright. Let's go. My Lord... Shinpachiro? Yes! Come in. What do you want at this hour? Has Shinobu come this way? No! But, My Lord... It's that all? What nonsense. Get lost! Yes, My Lord. Shinpachiro! What's the matter? Shinobu is... I went back to the room and she... What? ! Shinobu! Onki riki basaranbatten, onki riki basaranbatten... Onki riki basaranbatten, onki riki basaranbatten... Onki riki basaranbatten, onki riki basaranbatten... Onki riki basaranbatten... Onki riki basaranbatten, onki riki basaranbatten... Onki riki basaranbatten, onki riki basaranbatten... Onkiri kibasaranbatten, onkiri kibasaranbatten... Let's just go inside, Mother. I don't understand what's going on. I feel like I'm part of some long nightmare that just won't end. - But who were these people? - I don't know. I don't know. I think that they were part of the federal government. I don't know who I can trust. I just need some time to sort things out. Well, of course. You will stay here as long as you want. I'll make you something to eat. Why don't you go wash up now? - Yes? - He's here. All right. We're on our way. Here, I warmed this up for you. Thanks. I'm starved. What are these, Mother? I've just been having some health problems I didn't wanna bother you about. What sort of problems? - I didn't want you to worry. - What sort of problems, Mother? Diabetes. I've been diagnosed with diabetes. - Let me see your insulin. - Whatever for? Richard, I don't know what's got into you. - Check the back. - You told them I was here. Richard, there's still time. We'll talk to them. Who are you? Richard, wait. It's for your own good. Hey, Murphy, man, wait up! - Hey, buddy, spare any change? - Leave me alone! Forget it. Have a nice day! Hey, Joey! Hey, how ya doin', man? There's no excuse. He should be dead by now. We'll get him. Every agency's been alerted. What if he remembers something before then? We've practically forced him to the other side. He won't remember who he is or what he's here for. "Wanted by police"? Doctor - I'm sorry. It's Richard Adams. - Don't be frightened of me. - What are you doing here? - They're looking everywhere for you. - Could I see your inner arms, please? - What? - Just let me take a - Please! - What are you doing? - I'm very sorry. I had to look. I just had to make sure that you didn't have any marks on your arms. You see, the men that took me from the hospital- at least one of them had track marks on his arms. - Doctor, they tried to kill me. - They were federal agents. - They work for you. - Did they say anything to you? Did they threaten you, pressure you in any way? - Yes, they spoke to me. - What did they say to you? They said that I didn't see anything that I thought I saw. Yes, but you knew what you saw, didn't you? Your reaction to those X-rays- You were as shocked as I was. That's why I assumed that you weren't one of them. - One of whom? - I don't know. That's what I'm trying to figure out. I can't trust anybody. I can't trust my friends, the police. I can't even trust my mother. You're the only one I could think of to go to. You see, I'm part of something, Doctor... and I can't remember what it is. Please, please, you gotta help me. Please. Oh, geez. Senator? Look, let me take you to the hospital. Let me examine you. That's too public. There are too many people looking for me. Don't you have an office? Don't you have a private practice somewhere? - Don't you wanna know? - Know what? Did you see what you really thought you saw in those X-rays? All right. All right. I'll take you to my office. - Thank you. - It's closed for the weekend. Thank you. It's almost inconceivable. - Those X-rays were right. - Good. Then I'm not crazy. No, but you're different. Very different. You have two extra brain lobes. - How is that possible? - I don't know yet. The front lobes are- Well, they don't look human. You've sustained damage to the skull above the left front lobe. That might explain the headaches and some of the selective memory loss. What about my breathing? And my eyes? I can't focus. And I'm losing my hair by the fistful. We'll get some more pictures. We'll try and find out what's going on. Let's start with a blood workup. - Can you sit up? - Yeah. My God. Looks like you've been taking injections too. Oh, God! Those are the same marks I told you about. My mother had those, and that agent, Bauer. - I saw 'em when he gave me that shot. - What kind of shot? I thought it was some kind of truth serum. With all those track marks, I doubt it. Hold still. Oh, my God! What is it? What is it? What's wrong with me? I don't know. We'll figure this out. This is Kyle Haller's Eye on Washington. Still no word overnight on missing Senator Richard Adams of Idaho. Police and federal authorities have intensified their search... throughout the Washington metropolitan area. Leaders ofboth parties are unanimous in their concern... for the popular, first-term lawmaker. In addition, his own party worries that without Senator Adams's strong support... his controversial energy bill will linger in subcommittee... at least until the cows come home. Ouch. It's okay. You'll be okay. My God. Senator, as part of your work... did you ever volunteer for any government experiments? - No. - Something involving drugs, maybe... or exposure to radiation? No, no. Why would I do that? - I'm not some kind of lab rat. - What about genetic abnormalities? Is there anything like that in your family history? No. What did you find? Your urine is highly acidic. More so than I've ever seen. And your organs- I can only assume... that some biological mutation has reshaped them somehow. - I was fine until the accident. - No, this isn't from the accident. I ran the specimen samples twice. Your blood is made largely up of methane. Even a little would be toxic. It must be what's poisoning you. Those men injected me with something that... they called a "supplement." Maybe it was methane that keeps me alive. Whatever the injection was, it did make me feel better. Bauer said that I take it all the time. What? What is it? Where did they get it? I don't know. I don't know. Whatever it is... I must have some of it somewhere. Maybe at home. What are you doing? Where are you going? Well, I gotta sneak into my apartment. But you said there were men guarding your apartment. I know, but I gotta get in there somehow. It's the only choice I got. - I don't have any other choice. - Yes, you do. They won't be looking for me. There's Tennyson there. They've been there for days now. And that's my apartment. Third floor, right by the elevator. Here. If this supplement is in there, I'll find it. Check the bathroom. That's probably where I keep it. Doctor, why are you doing this? I don't know. Senator Adams, my father was a general in the Marine Corps... World War II. I was raised to be very proud of my country- care about it like I care about my family. My father would turn over in his grave if I didn't help... a United States Senator who needed my help. Where'd she come from? She look familiar to you? - Not really. - Must be a neighbor. Give me the shot now! I wanna test it first. Give it to me now. We don't know what it is. It might kill you. Please, if you don't give it to me now, I'm dead. How much did the man give you? - Try and remember! - I don't know. - Please. - Did he fill the syringe all the way? I don't know! Please. I'm gonna give you five cc's. If it works, I'll give you more. Good morning. - Good morning. - How are you feeling? Alive, for starters. I had my doubts for a while there. I checked your vital signs through the night. They got stronger as your system absorbed the chemicals in that injection. Where did this come from? It was hidden in your medicine cabinet, along with everything else. God. I don't know who I am anymore. And this chemical saved my life. What is it, and why do I need it? It's a methane-based polymer, with traces of ammonia and chlorine... and a substance that I couldn't identify. I tested it while you were sleeping. A tenth of the dose I gave you would have killed somebody else. But I'm feeling almost normal. Obviously, your system needs methane. The eyedrops were similar. I just wish I had more to go on. That's all. What about your mother? Did she say anything- anything to give you a clue? No, nothing. But the men who kept interrogating me... they kept asking me about my mission. Over and over, they kept saying, what is my mission? - What does that mean? - I don't know. I grew up in Idaho. My expertise is environmental. I keep trying to get an environmental bill passed... in the Senate for a fuel additive. I made a speech at Sendrax right before the accident. I spent the morning with Dave Pettigrew. He's the VP of Product Development. Maybe he can tell us something. No, I'm not gonna trust anybody outside of this room. Maybe I can find out without him. - Wait for me. - No, Doctor. This is the end of the line for you. Thank you very much for all your help. But I got my strength back now. I don't want you taking any more risks. Yes, you've got your strength back, but for how long? You may need me again, Senator Adams. You're really enjoying all this cloak-and-dagger stuff, aren't you? No. I just feel I have to see this through. It's my responsibility. All right. I admit my life's been a little boring up until now... but I have to know what this is all about... and you are gonna need help. Senator? Richard. Come on. How are we gonna get in here without talking to anyone? First option, let's try the front door. Hopefully, nobody comes in on Sunday. Come on. Pettigrew's office is in the security wing. This way. Great. I have a feeling this one won't be so easy. Well, you never know. I used to have clearance. Maybe they haven't taken me off their authorized list yet. - Yeah. Come on. - Yes! Okay, pull all the files on BE-85- impact studies, sales projection- What? What is it? I don't know. My mother has one just like it. It's just a piece of modern art. No, it has some sort of meaning. Like what? I don't know. Come on. Let's find out whatever we can. You take the files. I'll take the computer. Look at all these clippings about endorsements for BE-85. Looks like every name in Washington. That's the kind of technology that politicians love- very little downside. - Oh, my God. - What? This is a chemical breakdown for BE-85. It's based on the same molecular compound as your supplement. You mean, a fuel additive has been keeping me alive? A methane-based fuel additive. What's this? Maybe it's some kind of environmental impact study. Looks like you can advance the timeline. I don't understand. All the studies said that it would burn clean... improve the air. Apparently it takes time for the emissions to catalyze in our atmosphere. They don't turn poisonous until years later. Methane is becoming the dominant element in our air. My God. It'll be unbreathable here in 30 years. In 60, everything on this planet will be dead. Maybe not everything. It might be what people like me need to survive. - What was that? - Some kind of power surge. Wait a minute. This is where they brought me from the hospital-where they interrogated me. I was sitting in this chair. Hey, turn on the other lights. - Look. - There it is again. Maybe it does mean something. It sounds like whatever's drawing all that power is through here. Oh, boy. Who's there? Senator. Thank goodness you're alive. - What are you doing here? - Trying to find some answers, Dave. - Maybe you can help us. - Why didn't you call me? Washington's got the search dogs out for you. Who's this? What's the mission, Dave? - To destroy the atmosphere? - What? What are you talking about? Isn't that what you kept asking me? About the mission to mandate BE-85- to poison the air with methane? Senator, you've been under a lot of strain. What's this thing, Dave? - What's in there? - Don't you recognize him? That's your replacement. Are you telling me that that thing is alive? Come on, Richard. You know it's one of us. Don't you understand? You're betraying your own kind. What kind? What am I? You were transformed in a tank like this one. So was I... and all the others that have come to resettle this planet. There are many of us here, like yourself... in powerful positions. Well, now there's gonna be one less. What are you doing? You fool! Don't you realize that your entire race is counting on you? Come here! - Is that what I think it is? - Yes. You remember? - Yeah. - What? What is it? It's home. - It's a globe of his planet. - And your planet, Richard. - It's called Torsha. - It's not my planet. Accept it, Richard. Accept who you are! If what you say is true, why are we poisoning this planet? To terraform it for our own kind. To make the air breathable for us. But I can breathe it just fine. So can you. Not without the supplement. That'll take another 60 years. The syndrome you're suffering from can be corrected. What is this syndrome you're talking about? Cxoryx Syndrome. You have human brain lobes implanted in your head... pushing your natural lobes up front, making them vulnerable to head trauma. It's the only flaw in our technology. But I remember growing up in Idaho... not some strange planet. You and your mother resettled in Idaho when you were a child. Your memory of your life before that- of your real home and everything connected to it- was in your frontal lobes. Let us take you home. It can be repaired! - What about Leslie? - What do you think? You exposed us to her. So we just eliminate her and move on? Yes. Take this. If he moves, shoot him. I think I can handle that. Your father would be proud. What are you doing? They tried to use the media against me. It's time I straightened things out. You can't call the press. How do you know who to trust? The one who's the biggest pain in the ass. Kyle Haller, please. Tell him Senator Richard Adams is calling. Haller never cut the BE-85 plan any slack at all. He can't be one of them. Are you willing to risk your life on that? Yeah. And yours too. Hey, Kyle, how are you doing? Yeah, it's good to be back. Well, that's a little complicated. But I got a BE-85 story that I know you're gonna wanna hear. Twenty minutes, Wasena Park. And, Kyle, don't bring the news crew with you. It's okay. I got it. Oh, my God! I thought he was going for a gun. He's pushed some kind of alarm. Come on. We have to get outta here. Come on. There's Haller. - Good luck. - Thanks. - Hey, Kyle. - Senator. - You alone? - Yeah. Why? Because I'm trusting you with my life. - I'm flattered, I think. - Here. Sendrax's BE-85 files. All of'em. Is there something in here we haven't seen before? Yeah. Plenty. I'll just be a couple of minutes. So, what will you do? Where will you go? Once Kyle's report airs, the authorities are gonna round up the rest of my kind. They'll undoubtedly wanna find me. Maybe it's better if you don't know where I am. Yeah. Take care of yourself. You too. Airport, please. And would you turn on your radio? Of course, all of us are shocked. Kyle Haller was a greatly loved... and respectedjournalist here in Washington. Once again, Kyle Haller was found murdered in downtown Washington. The FBI has been called into the case. Sources tell us that the chief suspect is a local doctor named Leslie McKenna. Driver, turn around. We gotta go back. Oh, no! People have long feared invasion by forces from other worlds. If that horror comes to pass... our leaders will stand as our first line of defense. Unless, of course, our leaders themselves are the invaders. - Hi, guys! - Hey, Mom. OK, clear off the refrigerator for the "A" l got on my Psych test. You said grades didn't matter. You said the important thing was learning. I was wrong. Now, both of you go up and study. I want your grades as good as mine. But you also said that in this family we shouldn't compete. I was wrong again. - Hi. - Oh, hi, honey. Notice anything different on the refrigerator? Someone took down the coupon for a free lube job. No! I got an "A" on my Psychology test. You didn't throw away the coupon, did you? Here is your stupid coupon. - Hey, Randy. - Hey, Dad. - When is Michelle coming over? - Any minute now. I hope her dad gets here quick. Bert's helping me with the independent suspension. Oh, well, that's good, because a dependent suspension can be so needy. In my Psychology class that would've gotten a huge laugh. And yet here in the kitchen - death. Here. You and Michelle have been seeing a lot of each other. I guess. I think she really likes you. What do you think? I think I don't want to talk about this with my mother. - Oh, come on! - Sorry, Mom. I'm past the age where you give me a cookie and I spill my guts. I loved those days. Hey, look, look, look. - l've got chocolate chocolate chip. - Give it up, Mom. Well, at least I still have Mark. Oh, hey, honey. You want a cookie? Forget it. I'm not spilling my guts. You think your mom's weird? My mom was driving the car pool, she sang this weird song: "Do Wah Diddy." Yeah. Must've been from when she was a teenager in the 30s. That's nothing. Remember at the seventh grade dance the chaperone who started doing the Funky Chicken with the principal? Oh, man! You got the Funky Chicken mom? # There he goes just a-walking down the street # Singing do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do Your mom is weirder. # Snapping his fingers and shuffling his feet # Singing do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do - Mom. - # He looked good - Mom! - What? - We're gonna head on over to the mall. - You want a ride? No, thanks. We can "do wah diddy" without one. So, did you decide on an engine yet? Are you gonna go with a big block? - No. I decided on a flat head. - Flat head? Taylor, you are an animal. I have you pegged as a big-block guy, you surprise me with a flat head. - Well, I like to keep you on your toes, Bert. - Usually you're dropping things on 'em. Don't quit your day job, OK? Let's do the rack and pinion, then try to get to the brakes. - OK. I'm really glad we're doing this today. - You like hanging with "The Tool Man"? - Especially when my in-laws are visiting. - Been there. Dana, she really gets crazy when her parents are around. Not as crazy as my wife, boy! When her parents come to visit, she's a psycho. They're not running on all cylinders. They're, like, a couple pistons shy of a V-8. What do you mean, Tim? Huh? Honey, I'm... Bert was telling me about his wife, I wanted to make him feel a better. So I made up stories about your wonderful, understanding, lovely parents. - Bert didn't say his wife was crazy. - Yes, I did. Dana, she's a total nut case when her parents are around. She spends the whole time trying to make her daddy happy. Whoa! Do I sense a little hostility there? Well, she lets him run her entire life. - He's a vet. So she became a vet. - Yeah? What branch? Army, Navy, what? Animal. You know, Bert, I was just reading something about this. Maybe your wife hasn't individuated from her father. - lndividuated? - No, no, no, no, no! Time out. I've told you, psychology has no place in the garage, just like a car does not belong on a shrink's couch. OK? Unless the car is in denial and has a big block to work through. That would've killed in Psychology class. And yet here in the garage - death. Can we get back to this individuated thing? What is that? It's a two-hour discussion that'll suck the life out of ya. It's an over-attachment to one's parents that continues through adulthood. Here we go. Was your wife an only child, by any chance? - Yeah. As a matter of fact, she is. - Well, then, could be a classic case. - Really? - Yeah. If this is a problem in your relationship, you should talk with your wife. I've brought it up before. Every time it ends up in a big fight. - l should just leave well enough alone. - That's good advice for anyone, Jill. - Avoidance is never a good idea. - Really? - Maybe we should talk more about this. - Sure. You want a cookie? - ls something wrong? - Yeah. You know how I was so cool in junior high? No. Well, I was. But now that I'm in high school, I'm nobody. Well, here comes Mom. Why don't you grab a cookie and talk to her about it? I'd rather talk to the cookie. (doorbell) Hi. I'm Dana, Bert's wife. I'm just here to pick him up. Oh, come on in. lt's so nice to meet you. Bert was just talking about you. - Nothing bad, I hope. - Oh, no. Good, good, good, good. Just pull down that sway bar. We would've been at this job an hour and a half ago had you not spent most of the time with Mrs. Freud. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dana, this is my husband, Tim. Tim, this is Dana, Bert's wife. - Nice to meet you. - Good to meet you. Ready to go, hon? We're just getting started on this. I'm sorry. But we gotta pick up Michelle at the mall, and meet Mom and Dad. They really want to make the early-bird dinner. Great. Another night of your dad telling that stupid joke. "Hey, Bert. How about an early-Bert dinner?" Oh, boy! That's not very funny, is it? It'd be a lot less funny if your name were Bob. Well, we'll finish up later. I'm so sorry that having dinner with my father is such torture for you. Well, it is. And it's all because you haven't individuated from your father. Oh, boy! - What? - Jill, she explained the whole thing to me. How your over-attachment to your father is poisoning our marriage. You know, I think that Tim was wrong about that "early-Bert" joke. Yeah, it'd be just as funny with Bob. "What about an early-Bob dinner?" - Funny, funny stuff. - "Bob dinner." How could you talk about our private life with a stranger? For your information, Dana, Jill happens to be a highly-respected psychologist. - Well, technically, I'm not a psychologist. - Well, technically, what are you? Technically, the word that you would best use to describe me would be... a psychology student. (both) A student? But a very promising, highly-respected student. I thought you were a teacher! You criticized me based on something a student said? I didn't know she was a student! Your problems must be pretty obvious if a stupid student can recognize them! Well, for the record, I should tell you I just got an "A" on my last test. I'm guessing that this psychology test - the "A" was based on some sort of curve? What I did wasn't so terrible. I was just trying to get Bert to open up the lines of communication. Which is exactly why I've told you communication's a bad thing. - lt can lead to nothing but disaster. - This is not a disaster. Then why did Bert and Dana run out of here yelling? They were just expressing some strong feelings. They'll have a nice, rational discussion. And their relationship will be healthier for it. - Hey, Randy. How was the mall? - Wild. - Michelle's parents had a huge fight. - Was it a healthy, rational sort of thing? No. lt was more of a screaming, "l can't believe I married you," sort of thing. - Right there in the mall? - Oh, yeah. Right in the food court. The falafel guy had to restrain Michelle's mom. Oh, my God! What have I done? I've ruined two lives. Let me think about this. I would guess that in a Psychology class your advice would have been huge. And yet... here in the garage with real people - death. Advance! Advance! Thrust! Parry! - Hey, Wilson. - Well, en garde, Taylorette. - l didn't know you fenced. - Judith loves the sport. I find that a little sword play puts her in the mood to "parry and thrust." So, I guess you and Judith are still a hot item. Oh, yes, indeed. I find the embers are still glowing. I've taken a fancy to your former Psychology professor. That is so good. I'm glad that I helped nurture one relationship, because last night in the garage, I destroyed another one. Not Tim and Bert, I hope. Oh, no, no. That relationship still has a new car smell. No. This is the relationship between Bert and his wife. - l really need some advice. - Well, rattle my saber, good neighbor. - OK. I was... Oh, Judith! Hi. - Hello, Jill. I am so glad you're here. I need to talk to you. - l thought you wanted to talk to me? - Oh, that's OK, Wilson. Oh. Well, fine. I'll just go over here and thrust and parry by my lonesome. So, Judith, last night I talked to a friend of Tim's. And in five minutes, - l may have ended a 20-year marriage. - What on Earth did you say? I just made the obvious assessment that his wife was in denial about her ability to individuate from her father. You diagnosed this after meeting her for only five minutes? Actually, at that point, I had never met her. One of the first rules of psychology is: First you meet, then you treat. I know. I know. I was just overzealous. But what do I do now? Well, I'm reminded of a fifth-century Indian book, the Panchatantra. which says, "The first mark of intelligence is not to start things." - l shouldn't do anything? - The Panchatantra goes on to say, "The second mark of intelligence is to pursue to the end what you have started." Well, actually, Judith, I was just about to finish that quote. So I should apologize to them? - l'm sorry. I thought you'd finished. - l was merely pausing for the effect. It seemed like you'd finished, dear. Well, I hadn't, dear. You know, when couples bicker the way that you're doing right now, sometimes I find that it's useful... for me to just say bye-bye! Where have you been? We're supposed to do a show. I'm sorry I'm late. It's just I've been turtle-sitting. - Turtle-sitting? - Yes. Mother's turtle, Scooter. - Hi, Scooter. - Looks just like her. Except with a little softer skin. She's not feeling well. She didn't eat her lettuce last night for dinner. Well, maybe she had a salad for lunch. No. I think she's depressed because she's separated from Mother. She should talk to Jill. Probably hasn't been individuated. - ls she an only turtle? - l'm serious, Tim. Al, we're doing Tool Time. not Turtle Time. OK? - Here we go, guys. Stand by. - All right. Where's your trowel? - lt's in the truck. - Get it! Put Scooter someplace where she can see me during the show. OK. I'll get her her own monitor. Standby in five... four... three... two... Welcome to a special live Tool Time with your hosts, Tim Taylor and Al Borland. Thank you, Heidi. Welcome to Tool Time Today, Al and I are at our project house. We'll show you how to lay a brick walkway. The first thing you want to do is pick out your brick pattern. So you just go to your bridal registry at your local brickyard. Today we're going with the classic basket weave. We've already laid a concrete slab using Binford's quick-dry cement. A perfect foundation for our brick pavers. That's right. Gary, if you want to come in here. This is gonna dry very fast. So you want to quickly use your trowel to smooth it out. While Al does that, I'll compact and level the next section using Binford's 61 00 Power Compactor. (grunts) Normally, you wouldn't use a power compactor on a job this small, but Tim's not normal. Don't talk to me about normal, turtle nanny. - Tim! - Look out! What? Tim! Behind you! Tim! Ow! (slow motion) Scooter! - What's the matter with you? - What's the matter with me? You cover Scooter in cement, and then you nearly kill us speeding over here. Sorry I had such a heavy foot. I should never have let you drive. Scooter is now shell-shocked. When I said your father was obnoxious and overbearing, I meant it in a nice way. Not in the office, Bert. - Hey, Bert, what are you doing here? - Hey, Tim. lt's Dana's office. Your GTO is out front. I saw it. Looking great. Thanks. I just got it detailed. Excuse me! Can we cut the chitchat? I have a turtle in crisis! - What happened to your turtle? - He got with some bad reptiles. They put him in a cement overcoat. We're investigating. I think she'll be fine. Let's soak her. I want Scooter to have the best of everything! You know, your finest lettuce, her own television... She likes to watch the Ninja Turtles. - What are you doing here? - What are you doing here? - Well, I came to talk to Dana. - Oh, no. Nice foot. is this where you come when the emergency room is filled up? That's not a bad idea. Dana! - Oh, Dana. I really need to talk to you. - l'm sorry. I'm a little busy right now. I'm sorry. I feel terrible about what happened. I gave Bert advice that was unsolicited and unqualified. Not to mention uninteresting. I should never have gotten involved. I am not going to say another word. - l promise. - Good! After I say this teensy-weensy, little thing. Oh, boy! I think I'm gonna individuate myself away from this conversation. I'll go see how that little turtle's doing. Scooter! Scooter... Look. Before you do anything rash, I hope that you'll consider talking to somebody first. Not me! I mean, you know, somebody who actually has her degree. Well, I think we've gone just about as far as we can go with a student. Look, if you want to talk to somebody, and only if you really both want to, I know a woman who is sensitive and incredibly qualified. It might not be a bad idea. What do you think, Dana? - l suppose we could give her a call. - She's great. You'll love her. In fact, she was my teacher. I think we'll find our own person. - Hey, Randy. - Hey, Dad. Where's Mom? She's just got some stuff to do. What's she doing? Breaking up another marriage? You know she caused the problem between Bert and Dana? Oh, yeah. lt's all over school. "Don't go to Randy Taylor's house. His mom will split up your parents." Well, they're not getting split up. Your mom went and apologized. It looks like they'll try to work things out. Well, that's great. But I still don't get it. Why is Mom starting fights in other people's families? My guess is that starting fights here has just become too easy for her. Why does she always have to open her big mouth? Hey, hey, hey! You don't talk about your mom like that! You know why she opens her big mouth? She likes to solve problems. She won't sit on the sidelines. How do we get her to be one of those people? Never gonna happen. And besides, you know, helping other people solve their problems is not a bad thing. The best way for people to work out their difficulties is to talk about them. - Hi. - Hi. - l need to talk. - Oh, no. No. - You just said talking's a good thing. - He did? I meant about cars. That sort of thing. Sports. Anything like that. - You know what my problem is? - No. But I bet we're gonna talk about it. I am the kind of person who is so eager to fix things that I don't take my time, and then they just blow up in my face. You married the right guy. This thing with Bert and Dana's got me doubting what kind of a therapist I'll be. If you keep giving advice like you gave them, you'd better adopt some kind of a refund policy. Now, come on. Seriously. Do you guys think that I'm the kind of person to go into psychology? As a patient or a doctor? - There's my answer. - l'm kidding around. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're gonna make a great therapist. Thanks, I guess. - l really don't want to talk about it. - Uh-uh-uh. You don't want any unresolved issues. You gotta talk about it. - l'll get the cookies. - l'll get some milk. I'll get the cookies. You get the milk. Today's Tool Time is a rousing salute to semi-gloss and gloss latex. But first, on a personal note, I'd like to thank our Tool Time audience for their generous outpouring o concern for Scooter the Turtle. We were both overwhelmed by the amount of cards and flowers that you all sent. Unfortunately, because of Scooter's sugar allergies, he was not allowed to eat the chocolate that you sent. Bet that didn't stop you and your mom from scarfing all that stuff down. Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a warm welcome back for Scooter - the fully recovered turtle! Scooter! Scooter! I wonder if little Scooter remembers me. Do you remember...? - (biting) - Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! - Obviously, he does remember you. - Ow! Ow! - Scooter, release. - Oh! You know... - What is your name? - Bert! "Early-Bert dinner." - l started to say "Mark". OK. - Bert. As in Ernie. Lately, Judith, you're always interrupting me. - No, I don't! - Well, do, do, do, do. You did just then. - Are we still on? - (director) Yeah. Was it a technical problem? Yolanda! Yolanda, look, come off it. Don't be angry. I'm sorry. I swear I'll never laugh at you dancing again. Come on, Yolanda, don't be angry. I said I was sorry. Look at me, will you? Alright, look, Yolanda, you win. I'll give you my Robert Burns. - I don't want it. - You don't want my Burns? - No. Well, that's just fine, Yolanda! Just fine! Hey, Yolanda, look... There in the sea! It's a bottle! If there is a map inside, we can find a treasure and become extremely rich! Go on get it! Alright... I'll go. Got it! Oh, look, Yolanda, it's just a piece of an old book on Dali. Look, look at that. Not a fan of Dali, are ye? Look, listen to this... "No, I never went to Brazil because in Brazil, I heard, there are huge butterflies that suck people's brains." - Really? - Oh, yeah! Don't you know? Of all Brazilian problems, huge butterflies is the worst. You see, once I was just calmly walking down the street when suddenly this great blue butterflie came down from above and attack me and suck my brain out of my ears! You silly, girl! Of course there is no such thing as giant butterflies in Brazil or... Ouch. Yolanda, you know, I know many stories about Brazil. - Wanna hear one? - No. - But it is about a princess. - But there are no princesses in Brazil. Yes, yes, Yolanda, but Brazil had princesses some time ago. - Was she an indian princess? - No, she was Spanish. and she was your age when she left Spain to get married. - She was ten? ! - Yeah, she was ten years old, poor little thing. And her name was Carlota Joaquina and she danced really well, Yolanda. And she had this impossible temper, just like you. And her mother was incredible... Maria Luiza de Parma. Italian blood and this huge sexual appetite... which invaded the court of king Carlos III of Spain. Maria Luiza was also famous... for wearing pearls in place of her rotten teeth. And that night was really important for Carlota... Why? Well, because it was her last party in Spain. Her marriage had been arranged... she was leaving to be wed to a Portuguese prince. And because of that she had to go through a test in front of the court. Everybody was gathered to watch Carlota dance with such grace. She would never know that happiness again, Yolanda. It was the moment of calm before the storm... that would sweep many of the monarchies of Europe. Within a few years, royal heads would be chopped off... by the new spirit of Liberalism. The Old World of Absolute Monarchy was drawing to an end... and no one came to signify that end more... than Carlota Joaquina. Carlota, my child, each day you dance better. I believe you won't need to do any test in the Portuguese court. - Do you believe so, dear mother? - Of course, my daughter! Enough, Carlota, shut up! The paint is the only thing left. Go back to your place! Please, infanta Carlota, who was Velázquez? Diego Velázquez was born in Sevilha in 1599... got married in 1618, graduated as master-painter in 1623... Carlota knew everything. She knew about Velázquez, she knew about Cervantes... the Bilble back to front. The court was most impressed before such prodigy. Mother, I would like to have a picture just like infanta Margarida's... but with a red dress, which is much more beautiful. - One day you will have a picture like this. - Before I go to Portugal, mother? Sure, sure. Before you go. - So, let us party! - Go, go, music! Your Highness! Your Highness, please! Your Highness, I have with me the picture of the infante... and the signed contract to give them the Infanta. But first, I would like to congratulate the Infanta for your brilliant performance. Carlota learns fast, Mr. Marquis. Sometimes, her fastness is dangerous. Wait, Carlota... - Won't you open it? - Grandpa, I would like to open it alone, please. It's okay. Goodnight, darling. Goodnight, grandpa. Goodnight, Mr. Marquis. Goodnight. And, once again, congratulations, infanta. Very well, Mr. Marquis. Carlota will leave on April 27, as agreed. How about the health of the infante? Is he better from the measles? He is, your Highness, he is. But he got sick again... and, according to the letter I received, he resorted to bloodletting for the fourth time. For the fourth time? ! It seems to me, Mr. Marquis, that the infante's health is not very good. Don't worry, your Highness... 4 or 5 bloodletting in Portugal mean 1 in Spain. Don't you think, Mr. Marquis, that this is dangerous? Your Highness knows that I'm Portuguese and I know Spain. And it is exactly like that. We, the Portuguese people, do 4 to 5... The Spanish people... do only one. Very well, Mr. Marquis... I hope you keep me informed of the health of the infante. Goodnight and enjoy the party. Thank you very much, your Highness, and goodnight. Do you think I'm ugly, Francisca? Of course not, infanta. Moreover, you are so intelligent! You were brilliant with your answers before the court. I'm not talking about intelligence, Francisca. I'm asking you about beauty. Tell me, Francisca, who is prettier... me, or infanta Margarida? I don't remember very well the picture of infanta Margarida. I've never payed much attention to that picture. Oh, no? So let us see it right now. I want you to answer me! Ugly? But was she ugly? Ugly? She was well known as the ugliest infante in Europa. Think well about what you will answer me, Francisca. The infanta could punish me for my answer? Of course, Francisca! If it displeases me, I can have all your bones to be broken... and later, when you are almost dead, you won't have... dessert for many days. Of course you are the most beautiful, infanta! You are lucky to be clever, Francisca. But, regardless... when my picture is painted, I'll order the painter... to make me even more beautiful than infanta Margarida. Let us go, infanta! I'm going, infanta... and I will marry a beautiful prince in Portugal. Infanta Carlota, let us go. Everyone is ready. Goodbye, infanta Margarida, goodbye. I'm ready. I'm ready. But, dear mother... when are they painting my picture with the red dress? Don't worry about this now. Think of your husband. Quick, Carlota! Everyone is ready, go! Goodbye, my darling, goodbye. Don't you ever forget you are a Bourbon. I won't forget, grandpa... I will never forget. Francisca, did you see the new shoes mom had me done? Now I have one for each day of the year! Yes, infanta. It was a long journey. Carlota e Francisca set out from Madri... and went west through Toledo and Badajós... and then continued down to the frontier of Olivença and Évora... where the Portuguese and Spanish world separated. Look, Francisca, the prince looks very handsome. - Don't you think? - Very handsome, infanta, very handsome. - Why did we stop? - Madam, the infanto is expecting. - Do I look good, Francisca? Do I look good? - Wonderful! Welcome to the Kingdom of Portugal, infanta. Thank you very much. Did you do a good trip? Yes, yes, I came singing with Francisca... and, besides, I was greeted a lot along the way. Do you need anything? No. We may continue the journey. Is it far? No, no. Only half a league. If you excuse me, I'll be going. Francisca, the infante is completely different! What a big nose! Don't worry about this now, infanta. Don't worry. Grandpa, I want to go home. Oh, Mother of God! Look how beautiful! How beautiful are your presents, infanta! Look at this! Yes, it is true, Francisca. Mainly the pony. Damn, Francisca! Have you seen how short is the queen's black dwarf? No, she is not that short. You have almost the same height! Fuck, Francisca! If you say that again, I'll have the dwarf break all your bones! Forgive me, infanta, I had the wrong impression. I did not pay enough attention. It is okay, Francisca, I forgive you only because your slip was very small. - Thank you. - Help me, Francisca, help me! Presents, lots of presents. Every noble family in the land sent jewels, gold and silk... to welcome the new infanta. But when Carlota looked around, she discovered that the Portuguese court... was different from the Spanish court. Everything seemed to be quiet and sad. No one danced, no one spoke or laughed. They'd just chew their strange food. They seemed to be whispering all the time. And they whispered because their king was dying. So the court despairingly needed to marry someone to their heir Dom José... and the only person available was Dona Maria's sister... Maria Benedita, who was just 20 years older than him. Poor sickly Dom José... So, two weddings were held at the same time. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen. So, if mom said so, you'd have to marry me? Marry you, you skinny little thing! ? No way! I don't think the man's been born yet who is gonna marry you! Anyway, you are a pain as well. Look, just sit up and listen to the story. What you don't know is that Carlota got to her wedding night... with no idea of what was supposed to happen. - Nobody told her? - Nobody told... Yes, and I suppose you know exactly what goes on a wedding night, Yolanda? Of course! The man introduces his penis into the vagina of the woman. Yes, Yolanda, yes, yes, exactly. That's exactly what is supposed to go on. Anyway, so, that night, when all of this was supposed to happen... it didn't. Instead, what happened was she bit a piece of his ear. Ai, Jesus! João! Help! Help! Help! My God! This girl is the devil. Help him! Help the infanto! Are you okay, infanta? - Next time, I will kill him. - Infanta, he is your husband. I know, but if he tries it again, he will be my dead husband. - But was he a pervert? - Dom João a pervert? On the contrary, he was more lady like, so chubby and sweet. He'd spend all his days gazing at flowers... and praying or thinking about food. He never got a good education like his brother... who was supposed to be the next king. But fate, however, was going to change everything. Dark clouds covered the skies of Portugal. The king Dom Pedro III died, and so did Dom José. And because of that Dom João was going to be the next king. But for queen Maria I it was all too much. She sank deep into the pressure after the deaths of her husband and her beloved son. And since then was known as Mad Maria I. She was very religious and weak-willed. And the fate of her country and all her dominions was left to her... confessors and the Church. And because of them... she spent lots of money building churches and... financing uncountable processions. And you know, Yolanda, what she did to pay off her debts with God? She would wash the feet of the poor beggars... trying to overcome her feeling of guilty. Ai, Jesus! Ai, Jesus! I failed them! I failed them! Easy, my lady, easy! The devil is gone already. Francisca, take the guitar, I'm going to sing for the queen. What is going on here! ? Stop the music! The queen is sick. I'm okay here. I know he is there. - I went away and he is there. - Don't worry, your Highness. I will be by your side all the time. And I won't allow him to take you. Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread... Fuck it, Francisca! We shall finish the music... because good music is not meant stopped. And the years went by just like that. Carlota turned into a woman. A lame one, after she fell of a horse, but, anyway, time came to... consumate her marriage with João. - Poor thing! - Don't pity her. She was happy. She was a woman then with big breasts and a body on fire. João, bastard, will you sleep instead of kissing me? Are you sure that is really what you want, Carlota? Carlota was a dragon. She had lots of lovers, lots of them... And she could eat any one of them like a crazy monster! Because of her lovers, many were Carlota's children... and not so many Dom João's. The first one, Maria Teresa... was surely his, and was his favorite for all his life. Nine babies? Yeah, nine. And one her most famous cases... was with the gardner of the Quinta do Ramalhão... who she prefered to see dead than married. You won't get married! You won't get married! A council of doctors had declared the queen was mad. Ai, Jesus! The queen is mad! - The queen is mad! - The queen is mad! Dom João was a coward. He panicked when he realized he was going to be prince regent. He locked himself up until he found the strength... to assume the regency of Portugal. But if the ideas of the French Revolution have already reached the colonies... consider the case of conspiracy by the officers in Minas Gerais, there must be many more... like Tiradentes conspiring against you at this moment. It is better that the court be in the colony... to prevent any movement of independence. Afterall, Brazil is much richer and larger than Portugal. I think that the court should go to Brazil. My dear lord, don't worry. I have already taken some actions regarding the colony and I did it with violence. Tiradentes has been taken care of and will certainly be an example... for anyone that was willing to follow him. Besides... any kind of printing is forbidden in Brazil... and books leaving from Portugal are being seriously selected. I would also like to remind your Majesty that... the council I give you comes from London. It's good that you are here, João. It's good! I came to say that I will not go to Brazil. I will not go! I know that you want to take me there... But I will not go! I will not go! I will not go! I have said that I will not go to Brazil. - Calm down, Maria, calm down. - Get off me! Get off me, you! I will not go! Look at the animals... that walk through the streets of Brazil. They will devour the children. To Brazil I will not go! I will not go! Get off me! Ai, Jesus! Ai, Jesus! Ai, Jesus! João, if you are considering it, or if it was imposed... we moving to Brazil, I warn you that you will go without me! I will never be the princess of Brazil! - Did she spit on him? - Yes, my sweet. She spat on him good and strong. And who was the English man? That was the man chosen by the British to torment... the fearful Portuguese king. Lord Stangford. A minister with fire in his hair and in his character. And then, Napoleon began to show his claws. Your Royal Highness, before these events... must choose between the Continent and the Islanders... If your Highness decides irreversibly for the public interest... I will ensure to you the preservation of your power. But if, contradicting my hopes... your Highness places trust in my enemies... it would only be left for me to leave at the mercy of events... the decision on the most important concerns. Your brother and cousin, Napoleon. Brother and cousin? Please, majesty, France or England! ? Dear minister, Marquis de Belas... when we don't know exactly what to do... it's best to do nothing. So, dear ministers, I ask you to reflect on the subject. Can you believe, Yolanda, that it took Dom João... 20 days to write a letter to Napoleon? He was in a tight spot, not knowing what to do. You see, England was the great enemy of Napoleon's imperial dream. So he wanted an alliance with the rest of the countries on the continent... in order to isolate the great island and watch it sink. And how was he to do this? By not letting England... have commercial relations with any other country. But Portugal was already dominated by the English... and Dom João ended up with another big problem in his little fat hands... How to please his enemies and allies at the same time? England gave the solution. And you really believe we will be able to fool Napoleon? Certainly. To all effects, the Portuguese will be expelling the English... and confiscating their goods. But no one will know... that your Highness had secretly payed them to do this. And Dom João, thinking himself very smart, obeyed England. Show what is in the bag to the ministers... I want to make sure it is enough to present the emperor. We cannot rely on the Portuguese. They are much attracted to France and may betray us. You better tell the good news to the king at once. FRANCE AND SPAIN SHARE PORTUGAL The order is: either we take the royal family to Brazil immediately... or we destroy the Portuguese fleet to let not the French make use of it. They must be crossing the Portuguese border right now. Was it for this you have been locked with your ministers all these days? For deciding to run? Bullshit! Let us stay and face Napoleon! Who? Who do you respect? A nobody that the French, after killing... Maria Antonieta, decided to call emperor. Son of a bitch! To me, the French voting is worth nothing, nothing, nothing! I don't give a shit for the French. I don't give a shit for Napoleon! Do you want to be known as the fleeing king? Is that it? I'd rather be known as fleeing king than dead king. Thank God I have few children with your blood. Don't you ever get tired of hurting me, Carlota? I'm not hurting you, I'm just telling the truth. The Royal Family decided to leave in 48 hours. And then it started to rain. It was as if the world had ended. I feel like God is telling that I shouldn't leave Portugal. - The skies are falling over our heads. - But, my lord... the treasure has already been boarded as you designated. The ships are almost ready. It is safer if your Highness is in a ship. The French are on their way. God knows your soul is pure and that you took the wisest decision. I won't go. To Brazil I won't go. Not since the Lisbon earthquake had the city known such pandemonium. The people on the streets went mad. They wanted to go along with their king, but there weren't enough ships. I'm here with you. Dom João was so afraid of the thunder... that he was blindfolded on his way to the boat. And he left his people without so much as a word. So people were left shouting and running around. It was a nightmare, Yolanda, a terrible nightmare. They packed away the Royal Library manuscripts... silver, gold, so many things... that they forgot most of their luggage, their clothes, and their food... and the little black dwarf, crying completely abandoned... like all the rest of the Portuguese people. When the guns of Napoleon's armies could be heard in Lisbon... the Royal Family was on its way to the richest colony of all... the land of precious woods, and gold, and diamonds... Brazil! And how many ran away? Many... maybe 15 thousand. There were 36 ships in all... ranging from warships to merchant ships, brigantines... and the British fleet, captained by admiral sir Sidney Smith. But because of the tempests, the wind, the lack of wind... the ships got lost from each other and arrived in Brazil at different times. Son of a bitch! The first members of the Monarchy that crossed the Atlantic really had a hard time. No food, no water, and this big round sun... over their heads full of lice. Please, don't talk about lice! But, Yolanda, Carlota got to Brazil and her head was all bandaged up because of lice and people thought she was starting some kind of new fashion from Europe. - Really? - Yeah, and three months later... Land hoe! They arrived in Bahia. Carlota detested the country the moment she set foot on it. Maybe because she didn't like black people. Dom João, on the other hand... seemed intrigued by the racial mixture that he found there. But, as she wouldn't stay in Bahia, they sailed straight to Rio de Janeiro... where people were anxiously waiting for them. And the indians where waiting for them? Many indians, many Europeans, lots of Africans... some Chinese and probably even two or three Scots. Even so, Carlota was going to find among them... the greatest love of her life: Fernando Carneiro Leão... a beautiful and rich black man. Everybody was merrily waiting for the court. The city was decorated with rugs and flowers. Daddy! The princess! The princess is coming! Where are the tissues for the window? The princess is coming and our window will be the only one without tissues. Look, mommy! The princess has short hair and has a white cap. Come on, kids, let's take a closer look at the prince. Come on! You bunch of fools! Don't you see they came here only so they could steal from us more closely? ! And what to do with all the unexpected people who came along with the Royal Family? There were no available places, Yolanda. No hotels, or motels, or anything. So the royal police found a way... This house has been requested by the prince regent to accommodate the court. You have 24 hours to leave the house, taking only the family's objects of personal use with you. Did you hear that, Maria do Céu? The prince wants our home! Oh, thank God! This house had the honor of being chosen by the prince regent to accommodate the court. You have 24 hours to leave the house, taking only the family's objects of personal use with you. Is that all that was in the English ships? The rest will be brought here tomorrow. - Do you speak Spanish, captain? - A little. How do you like the house? I've never been in such a poor house. My God! But look at the view, princess! For a country of monkeys, black and indians... the view is not the worst! What is this? What is this! ? Don't worry, your Highness. I shall kill them. I won't stay here, mom! Correia, take the things out of the mule at once. Come on! It is not that bad, right? We just do a little cleaning, right, daddy? Put a few little curtains over there. It is gonna be as merry as our other house. It is true. Chubby, come here, chubby. Look such beautiful thing. Ai, Jesus! That's it! The second "leave the house" of the day. Oh, Dom João, make yourself at home. Be our guest. But this is not a chicken, this is a sick fowl. - I want this fat one. - Those are for the royal chicken coop. But it is for a chicken soup for my dad. He is sick. I pay more. I can't. They belong to the king until the end of the year. Alright. So give me this pity one. God forbid! Must be a sin to kill a little animal like this. Wait! Wait! Will the king eat all this? You could sell me one. My daddy is sick. Okay, okay. I'll sell you this one for ten. Ten? ! But chickens have always costed three. I was doing you a favor. If you don't want it, fine! One more for the king. Come on, move. And that's how it was for the Brazilian people. homeless, foodless, and the economical confusion started. The merchants took advantage of the situation. The prices went sky high, so high that the Brazilians could hardly afford them. And to make things worst, Yolanda, the people on the streets... had to learn how to behave properly in the presence of a princess. Kneel! Kneel! Meanwhile, in that searing heat in the middle of the jungle... Dom João and his ministers ploted what to do... with all the Brazilian natural riches. But that didn't seem enough. No, Yolanda, not for the English crown. Lorde Stangford, with orders from above, also wanted the provinces of La Plata. You see, Yolanda, England was always on the look out for new territories. If we can expand our territory in twice the lands were taken from me... we will have a new world in our hands! - Of course. - Very good. I will talk immediately with princess Carlota. She needs advice. Majesty, allow me. The expenses we have been having here... even with the taxes, are too large, and the money we brought from Portugal will end. Your Highness, allow me, like you did with the lord... Why don't you found a bank? Great idea! Great idea! Nothing better than a bank to make money. Look for the 20 richest men of Rio de Janeiro... and tell them the prince will found a bank. Bank of the United Kingdom of Portugal and Brazil. Bank of the United Kingdom of Portugal, Brazil and Algarves. Bank Dom João! - Perfect! - Good! Bank of Brazil! - Bank of Brazil! - Marvelous! - Wanna a fudge? - Sure. Did Brazilian people use golden bars to pay for things in the street? Yeah, of course, they used golden bars, they even used gold powder. You see, Brazil was very rich in gold at that time... and Dom João, well aware of this fact, wanted it all in his pockets. So he founded the Bank of Brazil... which he later almost broke when he left Brazil, the poor bank. Can we leave? Yes, Majesty. The rest of the cargo is on its way to the ships. It was a strange way to leave the country that he said he loved. So what happened to the Brazilian gold? Well, Portugal and England split it fifty fifty. But forget about that. Look... Carlota was completly in love with the English captain... and she went on and on. Your Highness! - What do you want, Felisbindo? - Message from the king! Prepare the horse. Thank you. This meeting won't be very useful. I would never do anything against my family. The provinces of Plata are Spanish. Lord, explain everything to Carlota. She is too grumpy! Princess, this is something much greater than an offense to your family. by the contrary, it is a way of defending your family and the Iberian interests... from the claws of Napoleon, who I'm sure will be soon... in the Americas. This is the first time that an English proposal seems interesting to me. But who is this man that can hear our secret plans? This is José Presas, recently returned from La Plata. This is the person we think most suited to assist your Majesty in writing your manifest... presenting your Royal Highness to the Spanish people and indeed to the Universe... as the heir to the Spanish Crown, in the absence of your brothers. Your Highness. A Spanish, finally! It seems that the tropical heat did you good, Lord Stangford. For this end you may use the registry of Rio de Janeiro... which is closed, but may be used still. Queen. I shall be queen of the Plata! In Brazil, Dom João gave away more titles of nobility... than the whole Portuguese dynasty in all its history. At that time, almost everybody had a title. That being the only way Dom João could afford the services rendered to him. Because of your help and dedication to the crown... You are now the royal cartographer, with the title of Viscount of Pig Killing. We receive this title with great honor, Majesty. Mr. Correia, which contributed to the manifests leaving on time. And this is his charming wife, Dona Custódia. Sir, I think I found the perfect place for your hunt. Sir, there are so many birds here... that one will land on your sight for sure! Great, Lobato. I would like to be under that tree. Do as he wishes! Your Highness would like me to stay? Or do that investigation you asked? Go, Lobato. Go and pay attention. And tell the slaves to stay far so they won't bother me. Dom João felt uncomfortable with the idea of Carlota having any power... and with the idea of her having a friendship with that English admiral. I'm doing fine! That is the second already. Princess! Is this how you greet me now? Not even a kiss, my captain? I'm awfully sorry, your Highness, but I don't understand it very well. The prince wants to have a serious conversation with you. Your Highness, I can explain everything. Please, captain, just listen. For your services, which were a great help to our escape... the prince endorses you with a farm in Santa Luzia beach. The prince was very smart in his own way. Making gifts was his way of keeping off Carlota's lovers. What the hell! What's wrong with fucking João? - What is it, princess? - Look, look! My dear and lovely wife... Unfortunately, I do not have enough resources to help you in the matter of Plata. Your beloved husband, that loves you very much, João. Son of a bitch! What will I do, Presas? I know this shit prince very well. When it comes to politics and business, he has two faces. He is learning with the English! Remember, the English are interested in the silver market. The princess should do as queen Isabel de Castela... and donate your jewelry to the cause of Plata... as she did to conquer America. Nobody would buy those jewels. Dom João had given orders to all dealers in Rio not to accept them. I'm afraid I don't have enough to buy them. But, Viscount, you are known... for being the richest among the rich here. I'm sorry, princess, but there is nothing I can do. But a ship arrived from Spain with good news for Carlota. My dear mother, I miss you so much! She never forgot of my shoes. Now I have new shoes for each day of the year. I can peacefully use them in the horrible streets of Brazil. Victory, princess! The courts of Cádiz recognize your right to the crown. I don't believe it! Bitch! Good winds brought this Spanish ship to Brazil! Now I have my shoes and my crown. Fuck them! I am the queen of the Plata! João, we did it! The courts have recognized me... as the legitimate heir to the throne of the Plata! This is no longer interesting to Portugal, after so many years. Son of a bitch! You are not serious. We have no money to expand there. Besides, I have been thinking and I don't want you to move to Buenos Aires with my kids! Your kids? Very well, João! You have four kids, I will go with the other five! So tell the courts of Cádiz, friends of Portugal... that you want to break up with me, breaking our agreement. Let's see if we can keep your regency in Plata without Portugal. Shit! And that ended her dream of being Queen of La Plata. What are you saying? The prince ordered me to leave today for Canárias. Son of a bitch! João knows well how to hit me. What a coward, what a traitor. That filthy João! We need to do something. Help me, Presas. I worked all these years without receiving. I don't have much to return to Spain. - It would be nice of the princess to give me some money. - What do you mean? João never gave you nothing? What a rat! I can't give you much too, Presas. You know better than anyone that the money I get is ridiculous. Every princess get at least twice! Yes, Presas, twice. Come on, nigger. I can't even afford my expenses, Presas. I own the dressmaker three dresses... I own the jeweler the bright sword of Sydney Smith... even the butcher! Dom João was notoriously tightfisted. And more famous were Carlota's debts around Rio de Janeiro. When the time came for Presas to leave for Spain... Carlota had nothing to give him, but a letter... instructing her family to welcome and pay him. But that was of no use. Presas never got his reward. And later, in revange, he wrote a book called: "The Secret Memoirs of Carlota Joaquina"... disclosing sordid details of her private life. And then, all of a sudden... she met Fernando Carneiro Leão... her last and greatest love. You see, Yolanda, she was beginning to realize how interesting racial mixture could be. You see, Fernando, I never liked black people, I don't know why, I was afraid. I could stand one or two, but lots together, never! So now you would live with me at the slave quarters? - Yes, sure. - Would you have children with me? Children? I already have so many and so different. You are only lacking a black childreen. It is true. And fool João wouldn't even notice. Fernando, my love... I new they had power! Need something, lady? I'm sorry, but the flowers are so beautiful. I don't know if your Highness know it, but... Getting red roses in Brazil means ethernal love and immortal desire. Oh, and if someday you get a small fruit called "cajá"... it means come immediately. How interesting. You were recommended by Presas, a good friend. I believe we will get along very well. Do you understand what I say? Of course, princess! I understand everything! Don't worry! Thank God! It has been long since I need to know... the customs of this city. So, let's go? It is too hot. I will take a sea bath. Your Highness will take a sea bath? People were astonished at Carlota, because nobody had ever... used the ocean to take a bath, only the indians did that. That's it, Viscountess of Pig Killing. My son did nothing, I swear. And he is there, in that cell, along with the worst of the thieves. Well, I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything, right? I will give everything I have to see my son out of the prison. Well, you know, I'll go to Passo today. I will speak personally with the Queen, you know? I have already solved more difficult problems than this, ok? Thank you very much! So... That means I can wait for news from you, Viscountess of Pig Killing? Yes, you can. Stay calm, stay calm. Selling royal favors again? ! What do you want me to do, dad? What do you want me to do? ! How will I make money? I work for a queen that has nowhere to drop dead. Not even the Spanish she payed. She won't pay me. And now, my dad, I'm a viscountess. I can no longer wash and cook to make money. I ran from Portugal so I would have a king. And now this fat comes. Came floating to here. Listen, daddy. Listen very well what I'm going to say! You'd better buy a very beautiful jewelry... So that when you are in the dungeons I will want to take you out of there! You keep saying these things, if someone hears, you will be arrested. Me and all the colony! And that was the way the new nobles of Brazil made a living... by selling royal favors. Dona Maria, the old queen, was getting worst and worst. She'd spent her time in Brazil completely isolated... except for some promenades along the Bay of Guanabara... always surrounded by the indians. The moment was drawing close when Dom João would be king. Come on, leave. Please, leave. Come on. Take her to the convent. Tomorrow I will see. Come, sir. Let us go. The queen is dead indeed. Fernando... How are you, Mr. Carneiro Leão? I'll see you at the hall above. Ai, Fernando, ai, Fernando, I miss you so much! I need you so much! Do you want me to do something, your Highness? Did you forget about my kisses? About what my mouth does on your body? I will never forget your kisses. Then kiss me. My dear Fernando, because of your dedication to our house... and because of your notorious talent for management... I decided to nominate you president of the Bank of Brazil. Majesty, it is a great honor! I don't believe I deserve it! Yes, you deserve it. I believe it will benefit us all. The weather at this time of the year is very good. Very good. Maria Teresa, my daughter, I shall stop a moment to poop. Of course, my dad, take your time. Antonio! - Antonio! - Yes? I need to stop to poop. The king will poop! Indeed, the flag is beautiful. My dad, I think you need a new cloth. - For your coronation. - But why new cloth... if I barely used this one I brought from Portugal? Besides, with this searing heat... - Please... - Maria Teresa... You would look so handsome. You prepared everything and forgot of you. Imagine the mantle you will order. A new uniform... After all, it will be your coronation. Fine, Maria Teresa, fine. I'll order this cloth, or you and Lobato won't leave me in peace. Antonio, I'm done! Bring lunch! Immigrants arrive nonstop during this historical moment in Brazil. Even a French cultural mission was hired to document the coronation of João. And where are the actresses? I don't know about the actresses, but it is said that lots of French prostitutes... just arrived in a ship from France. Where is Napoleon's route, dear brother? We may taste French prostitutes in Paris. - You are crazy to go back to Europe, aren't you? - Sure! And aren't you? You know I like it here. Besides, the French from here are better than the ones from there. You that the Tropics only do good to women, Miguel... being so hot they get rid of their clothes easily. Enough, Pedro, enough. Let us go straight to our French mission... Before Leopoldina of Habsburgo arrives. Someday you will have to marry like this too, Miguel! - Don't forget it! - Calm, Pedro. Don't be mad at me. You know I don't want to think about this! Let me live, Miguel! Pedro was epileptic, but he was just like his mother... he loved sex... and his appetite was famous all over town. All kinds of women pleased his taste... the French, the Polish, negresses the indians. One of his most famous love affairs was with... Noemi, a French singer, his first great passion. Don't get me wrong, but Pedro shall marry archduchess Leopoldina. But we won't leave you helpless. You will leave for Pernambuco today... where you will marry the most handsome of my officers. A diamond necklace for the baby's crib... and 12 thousand contos de réis. Lobato, let's get this over with this! Mademoiselle, please, there is nothing the king can do! Leopoldina was Dom João's package from Austria for Pedro. She was intelligente and noble, but nothing like his taste. - Your Highness? - Where is Noemi? She left today to Pernambuco. King's orders, sir. Your Highness! Calm down, don't be nervous! Help me, please! And Dom João became king. And his domestic problems were apparently solved... as Pedro got married to Leopoldina and Carlota was left without her lover. But how ugly I look! I don't like the colors. Now let us see the one at the plaza. But there was not that many people, I'm sure. Carlota, my God! You always see flaws in everything! Who is this pretty lady behind our mother, Miguel? Pedro, it impossible to see even our mother. The problem is that Debret is not Velázquez, Miguel. He can't understand Portuguese. Majesty! A gift, majesty! Oh, a gift! So open it, Lombardo! - Yes, and there is a letter here. - Oh, a letter! So read it, Lombardo! Here it is the fruit of love that your Highness killed. Noemi. My God! It is a dead baby! You know, Yolanda, the most terrible thing is that Dom Pedro kept the embalmed baby... in his office for years. So, Pedro... will the constitution be signed or not? ! Is the king playing a fool or taking us as fools? ! Calm down. My dad will sign the constitution. - Yeah, but when? When? ! When? ! - Soon, sir! - I'm tired of waiting. - Down with Braganças! - Viva o Brazil! - Viva! Viva! To honor what I say... To honor what I say, I'll bring my dad now... king of Portugal, Brazil and Algarves, to sign the constitution. - Viva o Brazil! - Viva! Viva! Viva! Look, you're sleeping already, aren't you? Come on, let's go in it, it's time to go. - No, no, I was listening. - Sure you were, I bet. - What is that constitution stuff? - So maybe you were listening, alright. The Monarchy was over, Yolanda, so they had to sign this piece of paper... which gave men their supposed rights. That is what constitution is supposed to mean. And for his help in that movement for the constitution... Brazilian people began to love and respect Dom Pedro. And he really became a hero... when a year later he declared the independence. Bastard. -Lady! Lady! -Did you find him? -I didn't find him, no. -Shit! Shit! Without Fernando she was suffering a lot. But what was worst, Yolanda, was what happened to her face. Hairs? You mean she looked in the mirror... and her face was full of hairs? Poor Carlota! I would scream till I was dead. Well, of course it wasn't like that from the beginning, was it, Yolanda? But... you know how any little hair on a woman's face can be a problem. Well, maybe you don't. Yet. - Come on, shut up! - Would you look... what happened then was, after Carlota went completely crazy... I'm sorry to tell, but in hot and humid countries... these hormonal disturbances are common. We could try a series of Emetics, but I don't know... Emetics? What do you mean? That I will have hair on my face for the rest of my life? God! Then to solve her problems... Carlota really got into the Brazilian culture It seemed the macumba had worked. Fernando appeared somehow. Thank you! Thank you, lord! Do I look better like this? No, Felisbindo, I want him to wait. Your Highness called me? "Your Highness"? ! Is this how you call me know? Before I was your Carlotita, your Lola. Before your Majesty was not queen. - I am the same, Fernando! - That is not true. Yes, it's me... me, that loves you so much. Your Majesty is the king's wife, my lord... to whom I am bound by oath, occupying a position of trust! I own him respect! Bastard! What about me? Don't you own me nothing? Carlota, I was hoping you would save us from this. Our current position require a different behavior. You have obligations too! You don't love me anymore? You don't love me anymore! - I feel that. - I never said so. Son of a bitch! You worry about the king, the people, the money. How about our love? You only care for power, Fernando! Am I not right? Excuse me. Fernando! I can't live without you! - I can't. - Please, Carlota. Let's finish this! Gertrudes! How dare you invade the queen's chambers? ! I don't see a queen. I see an evil and... unscrupulous woman that wants to steal my husband! Guards! Felisbindo, call the guards! Do you care that much, Fernando? Motherfucker! Get out of here! Go away before I have you flogged. Look at her, my dear. Look and tell me... what could have seduced you. She doesn't have beauty nor youth. Even less majesty. Take a good look at her, and compare us both. Is this why I came? Mulata! Slut! Wicked Carioca! Cow! You will pay me! I swear! I will have all your... bones broken! I didn't kill. I swear. Did you see who did it? Yes, sir. Did you say you would kill me if I came for Fernando? I said and I will do so. Your Majesty is proving herself to be a crowned gypsy. Felisbindo, mercilessly whip this slut mulata! With the gun in my hand, I said to the queen: "Do you want me to shoot, lady?" I shall see your daughters in a whorehouse! And then, Mr intendant, the queen quickly... took the gun from my hand and shot. And yelled: "Get out of here, all of you!" We got out, and now I'm here before you, Mr intendant. And this is the story in the case files, Majesty. I'll leave them here for your consideration. Excuse me. As for the mentioned man... is still in prison for whatever may be your royal decision. Excuse me. Oh, my God! What a disgrace! Did you say you would kill me if I came for Fernando? I brought food for your Majesty! I was able to... - Get out of here! Dom João burned the papers which accused Carlota of the murder. And that wasn't all. His position was being threatened in Europe. Portugal was demanding the King's return. Oh, dad, I would like you to let me stay. Everybody likes me here. I feel I have a lot to do. My son... you are Portuguese like me. Portugal will welcome you. Besides, I already feel old and tired... and with the Constitution signed... I will need you for the bad times ahead. It won't be worst than in Brazil, my dad. If I stay in Brazil, your Highness will always be sure to own these lands. You are right my son. It's better that Brazil stays in your hands... than with some adventurer that will give up the crown... and make it independent. And it was sad for Dom João to leave Brazil. He would never see his beautiful palm trees grow in the... magnificent Botanical Gardens he founded and which were his passion. Besides, Brazil was the place where he became a king... a real one... because in Portugal he was considered as an infante... who, by chance, got the crown. And his last words were, Yolanda, Beloved land, I shall still take much more. And what happened to Carlota? When Carlota got back to Portugal she was extremely happy. Thank God! From this land I not even want the dust. She was happy because she thought that in Europe... her problems would be magically solved. But, Yolanda, she was terribly wrong. When she arrived in Portugal... she wanted to see her beloved son Miguel, wildly known as a bastard... as the king, betraying Dom João. So she was exiled for 9 long years to her old palace in ruins... the Quinta do Ramalhão. Insane and miserable, and deserted by their children... she finally killed herself. Yes, it is true. It is true. I killed. I killed the gadner. I killed Gertrudes... but not João, not João. I didn't kill João! Forgive me, lord. Forgive me. Dom João died in the middle of a chicken soup. Some people say it was poisoned... and Carlota ploted everything. - Did she really? - Who knows, Yolanda? Who knows? The problem with history, as you see, the more you read, the less you know. So everyone has a different version for one given situation. There is your answer: "who knows?" Come on! Come on! Out of the way! ( theme music playing ) Good afternoon. Carry on. Sit down, sit down. Now then, everybody, I have exciting news, Exciting news indeed. Gasforth has been selected to host the next Subdistrict regional police conference. Yes, I thought you'd be excited. When I read the letter this morning, I nearly had to have another cup of tea. We are to have an opportunity to put our views To a deputy assistant undersecretary of state to the cabinet, A man who has the ear of a man who has the ear of the man Who has a foot in the home office. You've lost me completely now, sir. We are just two ears and a foot from the home secretary. We must not waste this chance To place the issues that really count Right at the heart of government. You're absolutely right, sir. Let's ask the old git for a pay raise. There are some of us, constable Habib, who believe There is more to policing than the weekly stipend. Like being able to drive through red lights when you feel like it. I beg your pardon? And really cool riot gear like they have on robocop. And tear gas. I had to go with that once, it was brilliant. Except you have to check which way the wind is blowing 'cause I forgot and it didn't half sting, went right in my eye. Goody. Tell 'em we want those long truncheons they have on "N.Y.P.D. Blue." Don't be absurd, constable. Those telegraph poles that american officers carry Are just so much macho posturing. The traditional truncheon is perfectly adequate. Personally I've always felt more than satisfied With 14 inches hanging down inside my trouser leg. - Have I said something amusing, constable Habib? - No, sir. Then you will oblige me by wiping that silly grin off your face. Anyway, the subject of the conference is rather specific. We have been asked to prepare an initiative On an aspect of juvenile crime. So what do you think it should be? Truancy? Taking without consent? - The scourge of graffiti? - I don't see graffiti as a scourge, sir. I see it as a new urban art form. Have you run mad, constable Habib? No, I'm serious, sir. Isn't it just a vibrant And contemporary form of youth expression? No, it's a bunch of nasty little yobs scribbling on walls. I blame these awful fridge magnets. Yes, and for those of us who are conducting This briefing on earth... I've seen it at my niece's house. Every time her toddler does a nasty little scribble It gets stuck up on the fridge. - Yes... - And everyone has to say how nice it is. So young people grow up thinking that Their stupid scribblings are somehow wonderful. So they carry on scribbling, forever searching For that warm glow of appreciation that they used to feel When standing round the fridge. Yes, and that completes this week's training session For the Gasforth police synchronized idiots team. Perhaps you can return to the subject of juvenile crime. I think the first step is to stop seeing These kids as nothing but criminal thugs, sir. And what other description might one find For those who vandalize property, Steal cars, and instruct me Whenever I venture out in my helmet To remove the cold tit from my head? These kids are bored. We've got to provide them With some meaning in their lives. Yes, constable Habib, in fact I was thinking along similar lines. What do you suggest we do to bring about this sense of moral renewal? Well, we need real jobs, decent housing, We need long-term investment in the urban social infrastructure. Hmm. Yes, I was thinking more along the lines Of a short camping trip. A camping trip? A bleeding camping trip? Blimey! Am I to take it that you do not approve Of my proposed initiative? Yes you may take it, Raymond, And you may shove it up your truncheon pouch. Society is collapsing round our ears, And baden-powell here calls for a chorus of ging gang goolies. - Ging gang gooly. - What? The goolies are singular. The song you refer to goes, "ging gang gooly gooly gooly gooly wotcher Ging gang goo ging gang goo"-- Fowler! We are discussing youth crime, which will not be solved By shoving a sausage on a stick and whistling "kumbaya." It's war out there, mate, war, and the bleeding kids are winning. It's not war, Derek, or anything of the sort. The vast majority of young people are law-abiding citizens. I admit we don't like them, But if it were illegal to be sex-mad, Tone-deaf, and impossible to understand, We should have to arrest the entire population of France. Our problem is the tiny minority of repeat offenders. Exactly, and what they need is a short, sharp shock, mate, Not having their coddles mollied. I have no intention of mollying anyone. What I'm proposing is tough, demanding, But ultimately rewarding physical endeavor. There is a course for probationary young offenders Run by brigadier Blaster Sump. Blaster Sump? That looney? - I admit he's eccentric. - Eccentric? The bloke tried to be the first man To reach the south pole in short trousers. Look, I'm not having you disgracing this station With a load of wishy-washy, diddums' Half cock, up your social worker, folderol, Blame it on society, psycho, sicko, socio, Claptrap crap. Well at least I'm doing something. What are you doing? Nothing. Where's your passion? Your commitment? You know what your trouble is, don't you? You have no bottom, man. Did you just call me a man with no bottom? Yes I did. Apart, of course, From the one you use to communicate with. Right. I'll show you who's got The bigger bottom round this station. C.I.D. are gonna make a presentation. I'll show the conference what you do with juvenile offenders. You nick 'em, you lock 'em up, And you throw away the door. I mean the key. You throw away the key. All right, sir, let's see your driving license. Do you have any idea who my father is? I'm afraid I can't help you on that one, sir. Have you tried asking your mother? What do you reckon, sir? ¶ doo-doo-doo, acid! ¶ Very nice, very ravey. - You gotta make the effort, haven't you, sir? - Yes you have, Kray. 'cause this is a very important operation. And it's my ass, and if you stuff it I'm going to end up very red in the face. Now, the kids in this squat Are the nastiest little gits in the neighborhood? - All repeat offenders, sir. - Right, all we have to do is catch 'em at it. Undercover operation, constables, very sensitive stuff. Now... I'm a van driver, as you can see. You two will have to play the part of brain-dead juvenile morons. I'd probably be better off using some of Fowler's lot. - Did you hear that, Kray? - Yeah. I said a good one. I said, "I'd probably be better off--" Yes, brilliant, sir. Try not to be too hilarious, I've only got one pair of these trousers. Well anyway... Down to business. I'll show the subdistrict regional police conference What sort of kids the modern copper has to face. Nothing but villains and hooligans the lot of 'em. Do you know what? There's only one way to deal with it. You put the maternity hospitals Inside the juvenile detention centers. What? Out of the mom and into the cell? - Yeah. - That's a very good idea, Kray. I may suggest that to the home secretary. Come on. I'm really looking forward to going on this camping trip, Really getting back to basics. I always think that food tastes so much better If you have to open the tins yourself. Oh yes, it'll be good getting right back To nature and living life in the raw. You're not thinking of taking your clothes off are you, Kevin? As if. My mother would do her raving nana. Oh good, good. Because I always thought that naturism is a very dangerous idea. I mean it would only take one short-sighted squirrel. Well squirrels is all we're likely to see on this camping trip. Do you know, I wish there were still Proper, dangerous wild animals. Then I could save constable Habib from one And she'd fall in love with me. Lots of women are scared of spiders. Maybe Maggie is. If I put one in her tent, maybe you could save her from it. Yes, yes, that's quite a good plan. But the only problem is... I wouldn't go within five million miles Of any tent that had a spider in it. More social reports on juvenile repeat offenders, sir, Mostly connected with drugs and alcohol. Oh, great curried dumplings. It really is very depressing, isn't it? I just want to show a few youngsters That innocent pastimes can be fun too. - Yes, sir. - I mean, I didn't need drink and drugs To have a good time when I was their age. I had meccano. Ecstasy? Huh! I'll tell you what ecstasy is- Completing a scale model of the fourth bridge, that's what ecstasy is. It makes me sad to see these children today With their drugs and sex and music. They'll never know the joy a young lad can have Sitting alone in his room... With his tool in his hand... Tightening his little nuts. ( giggles ) ( faking cough ) - Sounds like you've got a cough coming on, constable. - Yeah. - ( loud music playing ) - Grim: Listen to 'em. Ruddy morons. High on ecstasy, no doubt. - ( sobbing ) - Kray: Yeah, well if that girl's on ecstasy, She should ask for her money back. Bas... - I've done it, Bas. - Told you it'd be easy. It was the most terrible thing I've ever had to do in my life. Yeah, yeah, it's horrible. Did you get my fags? Right, you two, this is it, let's hear your inane giggles. Not bad, not bad, we'll make detectives of you yet. Go on, then. Go and do your stuff. What's happening, man? Nice one. Yeah, happening. Sounds like a banging good rave. Got any E? I want to score. Bug off, copper. Some kids kicked over our bins, Pat. I was clearing it up a bit and I found this. You shouldn't have picked it up, it could be a bomb. If it is, it's a stink bomb. ( baby crying ) The social services are coming to take it to hospital - In about half an hour. - No hurry. How could somebody just dump their baby like that? She's so beautiful. She's ugly, Pat. All newborn babies are. They're like prunes. They get nice, but they start ugly. How would you look after you'd spent nine months in somebody's stomach? That's true, that's true. I've seen things That haven't spent more than five minutes in my stomach. I wouldn't want to go wheeling them around tesco's in a pram. Habib, it's all hands to the pumps. There's been a disturbance at the britannia social club. Some kind of right-wing meeting has developed into an affray. If it's fascists, sir, am I the best person to go? - I might provoke things. - What do you mean? Well, sir, I'm Asian. I don't care if you've just beamed down from venus, constable. You are a police officer and we recognize only one color- That of the thin blue line. For god's sake, Raymond, don't be such a pompous git. As a matter of fact, I did not hear that. ( shouts ) I said don't be such a pompous git. ( baby crying ) Now look, you've upset the baby. - ( skinheads chanting ) - get off me, you fascist! Goody: Keep the noise down or I will lose my temper. - Ohhh! - We're not going to warn you again. - Into the cells. - Now, not next christmas. Paki cow. Get back to freakin' curryland. You ain't fit enough to lick english boots. - What did you say? - It's all right, Kevin. I said she's a black tart and she should go back to the jungle. ( crying ) I'm telling my mom. Oh no... You shouldn't have done that, Kevin. But thanks. Is she? Is she? Well I expect that'll just be wind. When I had her I found that just rubbing her back And the tinniest drop of calpol on her dummy and she'd go down. Well yes I know I only had her for three quarters of an hour, but- Well anyway, just make sure she's not sleeping on her tummy, and- Goodbye. - Do you want to know something? - No. 10 years from now there won't be a woman on the force, And do you know why? Women's lib. Oh yeah? And how'd you work that out then? Women have babies, right? But you can't sack 'em, 'cause if you do - bosh, 200 grand compensation. I don't see why a woman should lose her job For performing an essential function of existence. That's fine. Except your average villain objects to being interviewed By a copper with leaky nipples. Catch-22, isn't it? Can't do the job, can't be sacked. Answer - don't take 'em on in the first place. Not all women want babies, anyway. All women want babies. They say they don't, then bang, they turn 30 and suddenly it's "quick, put a bun in my oven before my gas runs out." You are such a neanderthal. - Eh? - Pat, you're in your 30s, - You aren't desperate for a child, are you? - No, not at all, not desperate. You have to remember the restrictions babies bring. The sleepless nights, the sick all over everything, The fat little cheeks you just want to gobble up. The laughs, the smiles. I can take it or leave it. Habib, you and Goody in my office, now. Constable Goody, I've received a very serious complaint. Did you punch a handcuffed 15-year-old boy last night While taking him to the cells? He was defending me, sir. He was defending you, constable Habib? Oh I see. And exactly what threat did this Securely handcuffed juvenile pose? What he threatening to wither you with a glance? He was using racist abuse, sir. The boy has swastikas tattooed on his arms. What did you expect him to do? Give you a chorus of "ebony and ivory"? You fool, Goody. You bloody fool. - Suppose the lad had sustained brain damage? - Huh! How would we tell? Don't you dare be facetious with me, young woman. - I'm sorry, sir. - I'm afraid we're a long way past sorry, constable. You have created an appallingly serious situation. - I'm going to have to charge you with assault. - Sir, you can't! - Did Goody hit the boy, constable Habib? - Yes, sir. Was Goody or anyone else in any physical danger at the time? - No, sir. - Under the circumstances then, What do you consider to be my duty? You - you could issue a severe reprimand, sir. I'm afraid I do not have that option, constable. The boy's mother is pressing charges. Constable Goody, you will continue with your duties, - Pending an investigation for unprovoked assault. - Yes, sir. That will be all. These boots are killing me. You should have stuffed them with damp newspaper, and leave overnight. Ah, good, good. Carry on, carry on. Marvelous. Well sergeant, we're off. It is a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done. We shall drive to the squat, collect a minibus full of miscreants, And escort them along the rocky path to the straight and narrow. Yes, Raymond, and perhaps next weekend You could take the Arabs and the Israelis To Chessington zoo for the day? Dear, oh dear. Dib-dib-dib. Dob-dob-dob. Lovely legs, Raymond. You watch out for those sheep, They'll nibble your toggle, mate. ( Grim laughing ) Are you sure I can't persuade you to come, Derek? I'm a policeman, not a bleeding girl guide, Raymond. Besides, I'm rather busy tonight. While you fanny about rewarding young offenders, I shall be nicking a few. Dear, oh dear, oh dear. ( laughs ) ( tires screech ) Grim: Go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. ( doorbell rings ) Right, they've had long enough. Kray, give it some mallet. They're out now. Some of your lot have taken 'em camping. ( curses ) Fowler has nicked my villains. ( screaming ) My name's blaster sump, damn you. Now- You play a straight bat with me And you'll find we'll rub along pretty well together. Use a bent bat, however, a wobbly bat, A bat with a hole in it and bits sticking out of the end, And by thunder I'll crush your young testicles beneath the hard granite Of the mull of Ben Craggy. And those of the party not equipped with testicles? - The victims of tragic accidents, you mean? - No, I mean girls. Fortunately I've never been called upon to discipline a girl. No, quite the other way round as a matter of fact. - ( phone rings ) - oh, hell's tits! Yes? Brigadier Blaster Sump, damn you. What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy? Damn technology. A present from Mrs. Blaster Sump, God rot her vicious soul. "hey, guvnor," I said, "do you want to buy me something useful? Then get me a big stick with a nail in the end And somebody who deserves a damn good thrashing." Huh? Huh? Huh? Ah... Mmm. Now here's your gear, you'll find everything you could possibly need, From lavatory paper to sandpaper. Don't confuse the two. I did myself once. Not a wholly unpleasant experience, But then I went to charterhouse. Right, well I think that's everything. Let's get up that mountain like a ferret up a trouser leg, huh? Brigadier Blaster Sump- Yes, young lady? I'm a trained orienteer, as are two of my officers. We wish only to use your equipment. Damn you, you bitch! Are you telling me I'm off the team? Reluctantly, sir, yes. Oh well, probably just as well. I like to sleep naked when I'm out of doors. We don't want you young ladies getting all flushed and dampened, do we? It's not that I cut quite such a dash as I used to Since that savage encounter with a short-sighted squirrel. All right then, off you go and last one to the summit's a euro-federalist. - Go on, go away with you. - ( shrieking ) Now, when I was a boy scout back in Trinidad, They taught us how to light a fire with a stick And a piece of string. I could never understand why because I found it a lot easier to use matches. Well, long walk tomorrow. Best turn in. Great heavenly chestnuts, My sleeping bag will be a welcome sight tonight. Unless of course I can interest anyone In a chorus or two of "ging gang gooly gooly." Sir, sir - Natalie's disappeared. - Gladstone: Natalie! - Habib: Natalie! - Natalie! - Natalie! Nothing at all, sir. She's vanished. What on earth could have moved the girl to abscond like that? On wrong step in the dark and she could fall to her death. Habib: Inspector Fowler - we found her. This is your fault, Bas. You made me do it. Do what? Tell me what this nonsense is all about, boy, Or by thunder you'll live to regret it. It's the baby. I told her to get rid of it. So the silly cow dumped it by some rubbish outside your nick. She reckons it got thrown away, she reckons she killed it. I say so what? Who cares? It probably weren't mine anyway. Why, you little- Habib: Natalie... - I found your baby. - You found her? Yes, she's all right, she's in hospital. - You didn't kill her. - I didn't mean it. I do love her. Well I think it's time we all got some rest. As you go to sleep, I want you to think hard about the lessons learned today. Think about... Turning over a new leaf. - Will you do that? - Kids: Yes, inspector Fowler. Good night. Oh, bugger! Habib that is enough. I cannot drop the charges against constable Goody. The boy's mother is here now. There is nothing I can do about it. I bet you could if you really wanted to. - Don't be insubordinate, constable. - But you don't want to Because you think he should be charged. And why? Because the precise letter of the law is more important to you than justice. You understand what Kevin did. You nearly slapped that thug on the mountain. And had I done so I would expect to face the consequences. We do not have a choice in this matter. The police cannot choose when and when not to enforce the law. If we do that, how can we expect the public ever to trust us? If I could see a way out of this, believe me I'd take it. But I can't. Ah, come in. Please sit down. Now then, Mrs. Bludger, You have brought charges of assault against one of my officers. Where's the thug that hit my defenseless boy? Little Geoffrey here could have been permanently brain damaged. Possibly... But I cannot imagine how we would tell. I want to know from the lad himself exactly what happened. I ain't talkin' to no copper without my lawyer. You bleeding well talk to him or I'll fetch your father from the pub. ( whimpering ) Mrs. Bludger, are you aware of the european law regarding the treatment of minors? - Eh? - Oh well, it doesn't matter. Ignorance is no defense. I'm arresting you for assaulting your child. - Do what? - On the other hand, of course, We could forget the whole thing. I hope you learned your lesson, laddie. Yes I have, sir, thank you for asking. Of all the juveniles in Gasforth and you had to pinch mine. We worked damn hard on that pull. - Didn't we, Kray? - What? Now I've got nothing to present to the deputy assistant undersecretary At the subdistrict regional conference. Well, Derek, I've been thinking. Oh, god save us! The conference is about youth. Who better to discuss it than youthful coppers? You have a story to tell, constable Goody. Perhaps conference should hear it? Yes, I think it should. What story would that be then? I couldn't believe the crush at the checkout. I was in the six-items-or-less queue. The woman in front of me had some special-offer toothpaste, A big tube with a little one cellotaped on for free. That's two items, isn't it? Which brought her up to seven. Seven items in the six items queue. I cannot stand that sort of thing. Well you're right not to. That type of antisocial behavior corrupts the entire system. - I hope you said something. - I very nearly said something. - You should have said something. - I was gonna say something. Then I saw these on a promotional stand by the till. I just couldn't resist them. What do you think? I don't think they'll fit you. I don't know why I got them really, Just they were on special and it seemed silly not to. I suppose now we've got the socks and everything, It'd be silly not to have a baby. Well I have to think about these things, - I'm not getting any younger. - Nobody gets any younger, Patricia, With the possible exception of Joan Collins. It's just a fact of life. It's all very well for you, You've been married, you've had a child. Yes, and he's the best argument I can think of for not having another. Besides which, we haven't got time to start a family. Ours is not an occupation one can walk away from at the end of the day. I'm a police officer. You're a police officer. - I am also a woman. - I know that, Patricia. But you must get a grip. There is no place in the queen's uniform For ill-disciplined hormones. You do realize, Patricia, That if you hit me with that halibut, You lay yourself open to charges of assault. Give me the fish, Patricia. Give me the fish. You may think yourself lucky that we're not having A leg of lamb for supper tonight, Or this whole incident could have been Much more serio- ( theme music playing ) Oh, the hunger. Welcome to the show. Tonight, my guests are pork roast and fishwich. I mean, Michael stipe and Lassie. So, how was your weekend, zorak? Hey, hey, hey. Mine was good, too. Uh, what's with the action figure? There is no weekend. Yeah, yeah. What's with the action figure? We exist in a boundless time continuum. - There is no weekend. - Hello. Hello. This is my nephew, Raymond. Hello. Hi, ray. So, what do you want to be when you grow? Locust of the pocalypse. Isn't that cute? - He can't say apocalypse. - Watch this. Hey, kid, say spaghetti. Paschetti. Ha ha! Mmm. Paschetti. Paschetti. - Pocalypse. - Apocalypse. Hey, you bugs must have billions of relatives, what with all the eggs you lay. Don't ghosts hang around attics and go "boo," jerk? Weren't your mother's people dung beetles? I am the lone locust of the apocalypse! Pocalypse? Think of me when you... oh, now you're a locust again. - Well, silly me. - I thought you were a mantis. Uh, I am. I am the lone mantis of the apocalypse. Wait. Better yet... I am the lone "fill in the blank" of the apocalypse. - How about that, zorak? - Leave enough room for you there? And how about you start wearing a shirt to work from now on, Jack? I wear a vest. Hee hee! - Say, ray. - Yes? - Shut up. - Ok. Are you guys as hungry as I am? Mmm. Hungry like hungry Jack hungry? No! Hungry like a muscled-up g. I. Joe after a tough day in the chopper. - No. Uh-uh. - Yes. - No, Raymond. - Yes. - No, Raymond. - Yes, subpar. I am zorak! Zorak! Ooh, action figure with lifelike tears. You want a pizza, Raymond? Pizza? Pizza, pizza, little Raymond. - Pizza? - Pizza. Peyote pizza? Ha ha! Moltar, establish contact with the pizza parlor. All right. Ok. Let me, uh... Hi, Dave! Hi, Dave! Huh? Dave? Nice to see you, Dave. Earthlings. Sal's pizza emporium. We bake it, you buy it. Ah ha. What do you have, mister? Greetings, pizza merchant. We wish to order a pie with... out of anchovies. You guys like anchovies? Ah, how about seal? - Too chewy. - Um, yeah. Carp? - Nope. - Do you have carp? Aw... Haddock. - Waffles. - Carp waffles. Fresh out of carp waffles already. Hey, hey, haddock. We can get grouper. Oh, no. Haddock. I've got it... orange roughie. Yeah. Get it bloated. Hey, how about haddock? We'd like a pizza with bloated orange roughie, please. - No, wait. Sun-bloated. - Yeah, get it sun-bloated. Sorry. Sun-bloated, ok? Yeah, yeah. Hey, mookie. Give me one large pie with sun-bloated orange roughie. - Pronto. - With bells on. Pdq. Make sure it's bloated. All right, already. Mmm... Orange groupie. Roughie. Whatever. My first guest is one of several thousand collies who have gone by the name of Lassie, but this is the real one. - Objection. - Yeah, the jetsons. - Order! - Oh, puppy. - Order! - Puppy! - Shh! Don't startle the dog guest. - Sorry. Gee, you're a nice doggie, Lassie. So, what you been up to? Yeah, I know! Does it ever itch right here? You could get some salve. Ok. Now here is a high-pitched sound only you can hear. Aah! Ah... You idiot. We can all hear that. - No, you can't. - You're bluffing. - Am not. - You're saying "aah!" Well, how about this? Meemeemeemee... Meemeemeemee... No! What is it, girl? There's trouble at the ranch? Hmm. Trouble at the farm. You say brack was bitten by a rattlesnake? Where is he, girl? He's at old man tibby's farm? - Farms have chickens. - Corn! Lets ride! Uh, where's that farm again? Oh, she's gone. Say, is that pizza here yet? Uh-uh. What say we enjoy the aroma of food with my smell ray. Stand back. Bacon. Ah! Horsey! Ok. Guess this one. Mmm. Pancreas. Donkey? No. Pancreas. And this one? Chlorine! Pony! No way. Chlorine. - No, look! - Pretty pony! Oh, yeah, that's jumbles. Pretty jumbles. Look, iron man, for the last time, I can't send you a raw pizza. Give me the dough. I can cook it in 20 seconds. 20 seconds? What you got over there, a nuclear reactor? - Sal, sal, listen. - Give me the dough. - Moltar, where's that pizza? - It's been over 5 minutes. Pizza guy on line two. Ah, the pizza man. Greetings, pizza merchant. Greetings, pizza merchant. Nobody cooks pizza in 20 seconds. Hey, where's my pizza? What happened? Raymond bit jumbles. - What? - Who's jumbles? - He's my horse. - Is he ok? - I don't know. - Maybe. So is the horse all right, or what? - I don't know! - Hey, where's my pizza? Well, it's like this... Mookie... the guy making your pizza, right... turns out he's allergic to orange roughie, so he got all hivey and stuff, but now he's making you another pie. Is mookie ok? Whoa! Hey, mookie, you got to check this out. The baby maggot's talking. - Mantis! - Hello. Freaky! Freaky? Freaky? Hey, that horse, he don't look so good. What's his name... jingles? Jumbles. - Yeah, jumbles. - He looks lame. You better put him down. - Look here, pizza man, I'm space ghost. - I'm hungry. I've got a talking voodoo doll taking chunks out of my horse, - and I want my pizza! - Freaky, mookie! - Ok! Ok. - Just trying to help. - All right. So we're ok? - We're fine? Quit stepping on me. Stop it! Stop! Ah! You better slap a muzzle on that scaled-down piece of evil. - You better get that pizza. - Yeah! Come on, jumbles, walk it off. - Hallelujah! - It's Michael stipe! What are those things on your face? Those are my intergalactic space glasses. - Uh-huh. - What can you do with those? I can see right through you, space ghost. Uh-huh. Freaky. So, Mr. magnospecs, your new album's calledmonster? What's up with that? The new record is, um... It's like, uh, it's... it's... A concept record. It's a... Concept record! It's, uh... It's, uh... It's like a layman's... It's like a layman's, uh... You got stuff on your lip. Uh, layman's... Like a layman's... It's like a layman's... Layman's, uh... A layman's... Layman's... A layman's dissertation on... On... On... Tip of my tongue. On... The black hole phenomenon. On the black hole phenomenon. What... what's this do? Ok, Mike, I'm going to send you a high-pitched message that only you can hear. Why me? No message, space ghost. Ok, then, sing that song. Sing that shiny, shiny people song. No. I'll get you started. * Shiny, shiny people * * shiny, shiny... * I hate that song, space ghost. Oh, me, too, Michael, me, too. Say, Mike, do you think I'm a shiny, shiny person? I would say yes. - Yes? - Yes. - You're sure? - Yes, absolutely. You don't see some dark, horrible corner inside of me somewhere? No. None. Ok. You're sure? Yep. - I have a question. - Is that you in the corner? That way, in the corner. That's me in the corner. Yeah. Freaky. So what's next for you? What's on your plate Ew! Um, I'm going to drive to dinner. Take us. No. I want to go. Take us, please. - No. - Come on, stipe, give us a break! Buy us some dinner. - I want to sit down. - Shut up! Well, how about him, will he take us? Yes, absolutely. Great. See you. Just me... moltar. Out of lines, hanging out. I'm so hungry I'm light-headed. May I have a hall pass, miss stechler? I want to go home now, miss stechler. I want to go, too, miss stechler. Zorak, where's your nephew? - Who? Oh. - I devoured him. - That's barbaric! - Is there any left? Um... No. I'm gonna miss the little guy. Let's look back at all the fun we had with our special friend Raymond. I think I should see the nurse, miss stechler. Moltar! Get me that pizza boy! - Hi, Dave! - Hi, Dave! Hi, Dave! I'm not Dave. I'm space ghost. Who are you two? I mujibur, and this is sirajul. Hello, space ghost. Hmm. Space ghost. That's the name on our pizza. That's my pizza! Thank you for the gift. Mmm. Orange roughie. - Ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha! - - - That's a good jumbles. [MURMURING] Write slip twice. Put money in the bag. Joe? Gina. Lucas, what are you doing in here? My life has reached its pinnacle. Joe's letting me close the store tonight. - You're kidding. - I am not. Big responsibility, Lucas. Yes. But Joe's rules are extremely simple: Count money twice keep my hands off of his beer cigars and drumsticks. My, my, how will you remember it all? Good luck. Don't screw it up. A responsibility like this requires the obedience of a saint. "Music Town franchise option agreement"? They've gotta be kidding. In the immortal words of The Doors: "The time to hesitate is through." [COINS TINKLING] Hey. MAN 1: No more bets. Twenty-two. MAN 1: Twenty-two black. WOMAN: Who was that guy? MAN 1: Craps! End of roll! New roller! Place your bets, please, ladies and gentlemen. Get your bets down. We have a high roller. $9,104. I counted it. Twice. I like your style. Well, Joe told me to count it twice. No more bets, please, ladies and gentlemen. Put your bets down. Put your bets down. So do I just throw it and get a seven? - That would be very good, sir. - Feeling lucky? I'm guided by a force much greater than luck. Seven! A winner! - Baby, you are sex. - I know. MAN 1: Same lucky shooter. Get your bets down, please. Hot shooter on the line. You know what? Let it ride. CROWD: Oh. Hot dice coming out. That's an $18,000 bet. Sure you know what you're doing, kid? I know this: That if I win this roll I will save the place that I work from being sold and the jobs of my friends that work there. Thus striking a blow at all that is evil and making this world a better place to live in. - Huh? MAN 2: What? And I'll buy you guys a drink. Hey, party. Okay. MAN 1: No more bets, please. Get your bets down. Joe this one's for you. - Two. Craps. End of roll. ALL: Oh. You know something? You used to be cute. And you used to have $9,000. I wonder if I'll be held responsible for this. A.J: Lucas? Hey, Lucas. Lucas. Hey, Lucas. What the hell are you doing here, man? Something happened to me last night in Atlantic City. Oh, you went to Atlantic City? Wow. Did you win anything? No, I did not win. So if you guys ever wonder if it was nice to know you I tell you now that it was. Shit, man, what happened? What happened? I do not regret the things I've done, but those I did not do. Lucas, how much? How much? Shit. Okay. MARK: What do you mean by "shit," man? What's up, huh? Well, Lucas doesn't have any money, and Joe let him close the store last night. Yeah? So? Heh, heh. Oh. Heh. I guess he didn't live up to the responsibility of the position. Heh. No, not the full responsibility. - Oh, yeah. - Uh-oh. Shut up. Hey, what's up, Joe? Hey, Joe. Heh. What's up with the boss threads, man? - Frigging Rex Manning Day. MARK: Mm, what's up with the hostility, Joe? A.J. [SINGING]: Say no more, mon amour Lips are for kissing, baby Je t'adore Mwah. Heh. Mark. [PHONE RINGING] - Phone. MARK: Oh, phone, right. Empire Records, open till midnight. This is Mark. Yeah. Hey, it's the bank. [PHONE RINGS] Yeah, it's Joe. - Are you sure? - Empire. - It should be. - Sorry. Uh, heh. Empire Records, this is Mark. I don't know. I'll have to check. - It's the boss. - Give me a sec, please. Yeah, Mitch. Mitch, Mitch, will you stop yelling, please? What is wrong, Joe? Joe, what is it? Argh. Lucas? No way. Come on. - Aw... - Here he comes. Damn it, Lucas! What's the matter, Joe? - Surprise! GINA: What? What is it? Happy Rex Manning Day. When did you have time to make these? Dad says there are 24 usable hours in every day. Thank you. You absolutely amaze me. You are a nerd. That's me. Heh, heh. GINA: All right, so... COREY: So? - So? - So. So today I will offer myself to Rex Manning. - All right! - Yes! - I love you. No, like this. Get your tongue off my record. [BOTH LAUGHING] Do you think Rex is the right guy for my first time? Oh. I think he's perfect for you, Corey. - Hey, Joe. - Yeah. I need to ask your advice. You know a lot about love and women and that sort of thing. - Oh, yeah. My wife left me for another woman, and my girlfriend forced me to leave at gunpoint. - Does this qualify me? - Oh, yeah, definitely. Look, Joe, I've decided that today is the day that I'm gonna tell Corey how I feel about her. JOE: Uh-huh. No, I know what you're thinking, but I really am. I mean, I've been working here off and on for five years, man. So I've gotta tell her how I feel, you know? I gotta tell her that I... Well, you know, that I... - Love her. - Yeah. Now, how do I do that? You say, "I love you." What do you want, written instructions? - If I find that kid, I swear I'm gonna kill him. - Okay. - I'll tell her this morning. - Good. - By noon. Definitely. - Great. - No, by noon or 1. - Uh-huh. By 1:37 exactly, Joe. - Well, good luck. - Well, thank you. BOTH [SINGING]: Don't be sad, girl Just be glad, girl You're not a bad girl Oh, God, remember the first time he sang it on The Family Way. - Yeah. - I got so excited I almost choked on a pretzel. - Don't go in there. - Happy Rex Manning Day! I got something to tell you. Both of you. It's really crazy news. Come on, Lucas, pick up the phone. Pick it up. Come on, buckethead! Hi, Joe. - Does Joe know? - Nope, so just act normal. - Hi, Joe. A.J: What's up, Joe? GINA: What's new, Joe? COREY: How you doing? - Damn! GINA: Okay. A.J: Lucky green. Come on. Let's see who goes first. I got a brown! Anybody got brown? - Brown. - No. Orange. - Oh, shit. GINA: Oh, no. [CHUCKLES] [QUEEN SARAH SATURDAYS' "SEEMS" PLAYING] Nothing left to sing about this time It's over now The word is out It hit the polls Claimed a place among the rest Of today's new things And last night's shows The have-you-heards and the did-you-knows But I've got my place Will you be still And try to keep from buying? But it seems I never get enough of me Seems I never get enough of me Seems I never get enough of me Seems I never get enough of me [MUSIC STOPS] MARK: Hey. - What you doing, man? - Exercising my veto, man. It's only 9:00. You sure you want to do that? Mark, listening to this crap is guaranteed to make you sterile. MARK: Maybe I want to be sterile. Corey, what are you doing here? Calculus. I hate it, but my dad says I've gotta get an A. No, I mean, you know you're not on until this afternoon, right? Heh. Joe, it's Rex Manning Day. Rex Manning Day. Oh, Rexy, you're so sexy. [SINGING] You call me on my carphone With that je ne sais quoi You say you need a little Of my ooh-la-la I know you get lonely In your canopy bed But say no more, baby I'll be running every red Say no more, mon amour Here's how you do it. I'll bring my loving right to your front door Here I come, baby Je t'adore Lips are for kissing, baby So say no more JOE: Could you please not sing, Mark? You know what, Joe? One of these days, I'm gonna show you little people. Well, on that day, I'll jump out of my wheelchair and do a dance. So how about today, huh? Rex Manning Day. Uh-oh. - Mark. MARK: Lucas. JOE: Lucas. - Joe. - Where's the money? - Joe, the money is gone. Yeah, I know it's gone. - Where's it gone to? - Atlantic City. - Atlantic City. - Yeah. Is it coming back from Atlantic City? Heh. Uh, I don't think so, Joe. What's it doing in Atlantic City? Recirculating. Recirculating. [CLANGING AND TINKLING] Are you pissed off, Joe? - Lucas. Lucas. - Joe. Joe. Lucas, listen to me. I told Mitchell Beck that you forgot to deposit the money. I told Mitchell that the money was still here. Joe, that's not true. It's in Atlantic City. I swear. Shut up. Shut up, sit down, and don't you move. - It could be in other cities by now. - Oh, shut up! Under no circumstance do I want you to leave that couch. Unless it's to get me $9000. And then you bring it here to me, okay? Joe, I think it's gonna be okay. What makes you think that? Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear. Mm-hm. What a moron. MAN: Are you Corey Mason? - For me? - Mm-hm. - Oh, wow, thank you. - Mm-hm. Later. - Yeah, bye. Thank you. "To the number one in her class. Harvard, 1999. Make me proud. Love, Daddy." That's sweet. God, nothing's ever enough for him, huh? Oh, no, I'm sure he didn't mean it like that. No, I'm sure he didn't. WOMAN: Excuse me. Hi. How are you today? All right. [MARK LAUGHING] Mm... [KISSING NOISES] [MOANS THEN CHUCKLES] COREY: Hi, Debra. - She hates me. - Yeah, she hates me too. But I have enough sense to hate her back. LUCAS: Good morning, Deb. A.J: Hi, Deb. [DOOR OPENS] Lucas, are you in trouble? Did you need the money? If you are in trouble, you can talk to me. You know that. Joe, we're all in some kind of trouble. Am I the only one who sees it? You know, Deb's in trouble. - And A.J.'s in trouble. - A.J.'s not in trouble. LUCAS: And Corey is in trouble. - Corey's not in trouble, she's going to Harvard. LUCAS: Mark's in trouble. Eddie's in trouble... JOE: Hey, I'm the one who's in trouble here. Every minute that goes by and I don't call the cops I look like a bigger banana head. Joe, I can categorically say that you are not a bigger banana head. You screwed me, Lucas. You know that, right? What do you want me to do? - Call Mitchell? Tell him I lied? - It seems like a viable option. I swear to God, if you are fooling with me, I will kill you. Hmm. - A.J., I need another closer. - Joe, I opened, man. Come on, look, I wouldn't ask but I have got no choice. I can close. Heh. Yeah, I can close. It's cool. They just raised my rent, so I could use the money. Well, damn the man. Oh, God, I am in hell! [SHAVER WHIRRING] Do you think it's possible for someone to be in love with someone else and not even know it? In this life, there are nothing but possibilities. Well, that's good. Because I have to tell Corey that I love her by 1:37. That's an excellent time. [A.J. CHUCKLES] Wow. You did have hair when you went in there, right? Yeah, it's still in the sink if you wanna glue it. Hey, Lucas, is it true you committed the perfect crime? Not entirely perfect. You see that, man? Hey, Debra, wait a minute. What's with you today? - Bad hair day. - No, I mean with this. What is this, huh? What happened? I went to rock 'n' roll heaven and I wasn't on the guest list. Now, please, move. I've gotta go to work. No. Now you tell me what is going on. I decided I'd rather kill myself than meet Rex Manning. Now excuse me, I'm going. Listen to me. This isn't funny. I'm not joking. I won't let you go until you tell me what's going on. - Mind your own business. - She's fine. She's amazing. DEB: Thank you. A.J., she's in the store. She's gonna be okay. What's with you? Yesterday you were normal, and today you're like the Chinese guy from The Karate Kid. What's with you today? What's with "today" today? I don't know. [INDISTINCT CHATTER] COREY: Oh. wow. GINA: Mm... [CASH REGISTER WHIRRING] Why'd you do that? I'm just your typical nutty teenager in America. Oh, before you guys hear all about it... That's supposed to be a joke, right? No, you're the joke. [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] Well, Sinead O'Rebellion shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior. That is so clever. I swear to God, you get smarter the shorter your skirt gets. You get smarter the shorter your hair gets. - So probably a good thing you went with that. - Yeah. - It's a wonderful look for you, darling. - Thank you. [CASH REGISTER BEEPS THEN WHIRRING] [SUICIDAL TENDENCIES' "I SHOT THE DEVIL" PLAYING] [GRUNTING] [ALL GRUNTING] [SCREAMS] Joe. Joe. I have to go to the bathroom. Yeah, I want to report a robbery. No, I will not hold... [YELLING AND GRUNTING] Excuse me. Ow. Excuse me. Ow. [ALARM BLARES THEN MUSIC STOPS] - Veto! - Hey, hey, hey. What's up with that, Gina? Huh? You know it's too early. It makes the customers all crazy-like. That's the whole point. - Eddie! - What's up, dude? I heard your music playing when I got in. - That's pretty scary stuff. - It was moshy. And I'm glad to say that I made you a tape last night for educational purposes. Well, here's the deal. You start off with a little classical music, a little Puppy. And then you got some Shags on there, and Residents and a little Floyd, Zeppelin. - Floyd is very cool. Yeah, dude. Another very cool thing is, I made you these. Now, they're my special recipe, and you know what that means. Lots of sugar. Now, Mark, you gotta understand something here. This music is the glue of the world, Mark. It holds it all together. Without this life would be meaningless. Dude, have you heard about Lucas? [MARK SCREAMING AND EDDIE LAUGHING] Hey, Lucas, man. I heard you, like, went to Vegas and, like, married a mobster's wife and now you've got a hit on you and stuff. Is that true? Not entirely true. Oh. Well, Outlaw Man, we salute you. - Thank you, Eddie. - No problem. GINA [OVER PA]: This song goes out to our employee of the week, Lucas. Oh, a little tribute, man. [THE FLYING LIZARDS' "MONEY" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] The best things in life are free But you can give them to the birds and bees I want money That's what I want GINA [OVER PA]: Lucas wants money! That's what I want GINA: Lots of money! Joe's money! Your love gives me such a thrill Oops. It's Joe. But your love won't pay my bills I want money That's what I want That's what I want COREY: What the hell's this, Joe? "Rules and standards for Music Town employee conduct"? Put these in the boxes. - Music Town? We're not a Music Town. - No, we're not a Music Town yet. MARK: Isn't Music Town a chain, Joe? "No gum chewing will be allowed inside the store"? - They're turning us into a Music Town? - Why didn't you tell us? - Because I was trying to stop it. - What do you mean? I got together enough money to make Mitch an offer. He was gonna make me a partner. - I could've bought him out eventually. - You'd buy Empire? - Well, that's a good thing, right? Heh. - Wow, that'd be fantastic. Do you think it's gonna happen now? I have to pay for what Mr. Brilliant here did. - It's over, kids, okay? - Mitchell is the man, Joe. Yeah, and "the man" calls all the shots. Damn the man. Let me explain it to you. Mitchell's the man, I'm the idiot you're the screw-up, and we're all losers. Welcome to Music Town. [DOOR SLAMS] "No visible tattoos." "No revealing clothing." We're both screwed. At least you're used to it. No, Debra, don't be bitter. Certainly with your ever-growing collection of flesh-mutilating silver appendages and your brand-new neo-Nazi boot camp makeover the boys will come running. - Let's not fight, let's just rip. But we mustn't dwell. No, not today. We can't! [CHUCKLING] Not on Rex Manning Day. [CHUCKLES] Yeah! [INDISTINCT CHATTER] [INAUDIBLE SINGING] Joe, is it okay if I leave the couch? I'm gonna leave the couch now, okay? My ass has fallen asleep, so I gotta go. I'm leaving. [CHUCKLES] - I guess you didn't leave the couch. - Not the whole couch. Oh. I've decided I'm gonna start a band. - Really? - Yeah. First thing you need is a name. Then you'll know what kind of band you've got. [CHUCKLES] Yeah, I know, I know. I was kind of thinking about "Marc." What do you think of that? Is that with a C or with a K? Well, my name is with a K. Heh. So I was thinking maybe my band could be with a C so that way it's like that psychedelic trip thing. Always play with their minds. - Nice selection. - What? - Help you with anything? - No, I'm all right, thanks. - You like music? - Yeah. Mm, me too. - The fat man walks alone. - What? What's up? What are you, some kind of weirdo? It's a big coat you're wearing. Lots of pocket room. Yeah. See you. I'm sure I'll bump into you. Hey, watch it! Shoplifter! WOMAN: Hey! Isn't it customary to leave the scene after committing the crime? Definitely an amateur. Attention, Rex Manning fans, to your left you will notice a shoplifter being chased by the night manager, Lucas. This young man will be caught deep-fried in a vat of hot oil, and served to our first 100 customers. [GINA LAUGHS] Just another tasty treat from the gang at Empire Records. WARREN: Oh! Shit. He cut it too short. JANE: No, it's fine. Really, it's fabulous. - Oh, God. - What? Look at this place. Come on, Rex, there is no gig too small, all right? Middle America buys your records. Now come on. We got a lot of fans waiting in there. Yeah, this is Joe Reaves, from the Empire Record store. We have a shoplifter in custody. Uh-huh. How old are you? Old enough to kick your butt through your skull and splatter your brains on the wall. - He's a juvenile. - No. JOE: Thanks. What's your name? Warren Beatty. Okay, Warren, stand up. Hold these against your chest. They'll take a photograph of you. - Why don't you go shove them up your ass? - Because it would hurt a lot, Warren. - Take him over there. - Okay. And they said no revealing clothing, didn't they? I think Music Town is actually torn on the revealing garment issue. I think so. - Revealing clothing. JOE: Gina. [QUICKSAND'S "THORN IN MY SIDE" PLAYING OVER STEREO] JOE: Gina. [SCATTING] - Gina. Gina. GINA: Ha-ha-ha. Ha! GINA: Yes. Gina, would you please get dressed? - No. JOE: Corey, turn that down. A.J., up on the roof. Fix the sign. Lucas, take the photograph. - Music Town. I can handle Music Town. JANE: Hello? [MUSIC STOPS] Oh. Welcome to Music Town. May I service you? [LAUGHS] Gina, get dressed. Corey, work. - You must be Joe Reaves. - Yeah, I'm Joe. You must be Jane. - Me, Joe. You, Jane. - Shut up, Warren. - Heh. This is Rex Manning. - It's a pleasure to meet you. - We all love the new album. - Good for you. What's he doing here? Let me introduce you to everybody. This is Gina. This is Corey. Lucas, A.J and, uh, Warren. - Hi. I'm Rex. Great to be here. I have all your albums. That's terrific, Corey. Thank you. Hey, Rex, what happened to your hair? [WARREN SNICKERS] Well, the stylist, if you can call him that, got a little carried away. No biggie. Looks good. - See? He likes it. - I like it. Great. Let's go to work. Higher. [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING] That was fabulous, Warren. Thank you. MARK: Women. REX: I still don't like my hair. JANE: Just try to smile, all right? REX: I don't like the chair. - What do you mean? - I don't like the chair. What's wrong with the chair? Just sit in the chair. I don't want to sit in it. - Are you just gonna stand there? - Excuse me. Mr. Manning, this is a very nice chair. - Thank you, Joseph. - Thank you. - Pen. WOMAN: Hi. - Hi, what's your name? - Kathy. - K-A-T-H-Y. - Okay. - I've seen every episode of The Family Way. - Oh, yeah? And you were my favorite singer in high school. Who's your favorite singer now? You! It's still you! Bye. There're so many babes out there. Gotta get Rex some water, because Rex is very, very thirsty. Make sure it's bottled water. - Mark. - Yeah. LUCAS: Who's your favorite singer? Axl. Well, if Axl Rose was driving down the highway and saw Rex Manning stranded on the side of the road you think Axl Rose would stop and help him? Does Axl have a jack? No way, man! Axl would spin the wheel, take aim, pound on the gas and take that sucker out! [WARREN SCREECHES] Warren, Warren! Where do you get this hostility from? [GRUNTING] Who glued these quarters down? - I did. - What the hell for, man? I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren. Warren. Look what you took. Rap metal rap metal Whitney Houston. - It's for my girlfriend, okay? - Sure it is. You know, someone like you needs to diminish their criminal impulses, not magnify them. Maybe some jazz or some classical. Maybe you bite me. Do any of you, uh, like Rex Manning's new record? [LAUGHING] JANE: What? Dance Party, U.S.A. teenybopper type of shit, right? Actually, it tested well amongst teenage males. Jane, did you compare the percentage of teenage male Rex Manning fans to the incidence of homosexuality amongst teenage males? [LAUGHS] JANE: No. Hi, who should I make it out to? - Denise. - Denise. Denise. - I've always loved that name. - Thank you, but it's not mine. It's my mom's. She loves you. I've never even heard of you. Okay. Does your mother still have her own teeth? Forget it. - Cool hair. - Ah. [SINGING] Say no more, mon amour Say no more, mon amour Say no more, mon amour Say no more - Berko. - Lucas. Heard a story about you. Really? Which one? Where you stole $9,000 went to Atlantic City and there's a contract out on you. Hey, has anyone seen Debra today? A.J: Yeah, we saw her. She shaved her head and she has a bandage on her wrist. - Really? A.J: Really. Who are you? I'm Jane. Oh. I work for Rex Manning. Oh. [CHUCKLES] [LAUGHING] You think that's funny, huh? [CONTINUES LAUGHING] If you'll excuse me... JOE: You're quitting? You can't quit. Ah, it's not them. It's Rex. You know, I don't even like his music. Come on, Jane. You gotta stay. I need a change of scenery. Honey, come on, you can't do it to... [JOE GRUNTS] I can't believe it. She quit! [JUKEBOX CLICKING] [AC/DC'S "IF YOU WANT BLOOD (YOU'VE GOT IT)" PLAYING OVER JUKEBOX] [DRUMMING] [FEEDBACK ON SPEAKERS] [LUCAS LIP-SYNCING] There ought to be a law Criminal There ought to be a whole lot more WARREN: Yeah! Yeah! We got what you want And you got the lust If you want blood [SINGING] You got it If you want blood You got it Blood on the streets Blood on the rocks [WARREN SCREAMING] Every last drop You want blood You got it [WOMAN SOBBING] GINA [SINGING]: If you want blood [COREY LAUGHING] BOTH: You got it Excuse me, ladies. Less shimmy, more selling. Thank you. GINA [OVER PA]: Guess who's here. [MUSIC STOPS] How are you? Mitchell Beck. I own this place. Good to meet you. You have a nice store. Ah, nice of you to say. I tell you, though, you should have seen it originally. Beck's Bath and Bidet. Bathroom fixture emporium. My grandfather started it. It was my beatnik father who turned it into a record store. I tell you, if I was selling toilets today, I'd be a rich man. Joe. What's with you? You're sweating like a pig. - It's nice to see you too, Mitch. - Yeah. Joe, come on, is this the way we treat Mr. Manning? - Where's the fresh fruit? Champagne? - Not necessary. No, no, please. - He's a big star. - Big, huge star. Big, big. - Let's get him something. Okay. - Sure. MITCH: Joe, I'm going by the bank. Why don't you give me last night's deposit? I wanna make sure it gets there this time. - It's okay, I'll take care of it. - No, you're a busy man, let me. JOE: I said, I'll handle it. Okay? Mitch, Mitch. Mitch, have you met Warren? - Who are you? - Lucas. I work here. Have you met Warren? I wanted to talk to you about Warren. Young Warren came into the store today and put on a little demonstration for all the store employees. Very motivational. It was inspiring, actually. And, gosh, he made quite an impression on everybody. I'm intrigued. I'm spellbound. Now, that wasn't so hard, was it? Thank you. BERKO: Like your hair. - Are you okay? - Why do you care? - You didn't care last night. - Yes, I did. Look, this isn't about you, okay? I got home last night and I thought about everything that had happened and everything that had happened the night before that and the week before that and the year before that. The only thing that was different was something else was making me feel shitty. I'm trying to say I'm sorry. I just said, this wasn't about you. Look, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm screwed up, okay? We're all screwed up. Don't touch me right now. I just want you to get up, and I want you to walk away. A.J: Corey, ahem, I've gotta tell you something. It's about how I feel about you. I... I... I really, really, really... Oh, God. You know that feeling when you get out of a hot bath? You just feel really refreshed and nice. You make me feel like... You make me feel like a bath? You're like vanilla ice cream. French vanilla ice cream, yeah. [CHUCKLES] Unh. [MARK CHUCKLES] [MARK CHUCKLING] This is bullshit, man! The long arm of the law has embraced our dear friend Warren. - I'm Joe Reaves, manager. Everything okay? - Such bullshit, man. - We've got it under control. - Joe, tell them. JOE: You need a statement? - No, got one from Mr. Lucas. WARREN: Oh, Mr. Lucas over there. He took $9,000! WOMAN 1: Hey, that's enough. - I just took a couple of CDs. - That's enough. That is enough. Come on. - Lucas, I thought you were my friend. - Take care. Don't let the man get you down. - Don't want to see you back in the store. - Bye. I'm gonna get you! I'm not playing this time! I'll be back and you'll be sorry! - You're gonna pay for this! - Whoo. "You'll be sorry!" I'm already sorry. - Hi. DEB: Hey. I'm just doing the quarterly income tax returns. I'm almost done. Look, Deb, um if you need to talk about anything... Gonna fix me, Joe? Okay, fix me. I'll listen. I didn't mean that. Ahem. I mean, should I call your mother or something, or? Great. If you find her, could you give me her number? Because I'd like to talk to her myself. I know you didn't mean anything. You're doing a good job, Deb. I feel a lot better. Joe, dear. Best boss in the world. Can I bring Rex his lunch? Berko's taking him his lunch. Joe, Berko's gonna insult him right to his face. I don't think that's such a good idea. Look, I don't care if Berko sticks an M-80 up his butt and lights it. In fact I hope he sticks one up mine. Might be an improvement. Joe, I have to bring Rex his lunch. Berko is. Joe, I need to bring him his lunch. Berko is. [YELLING] I'm bringing Rex his lunch! All right. [IN NORMAL VOICE] Thanks, Joe. Thanks a lot. [THROWING MUSES' "SNAKEFACE" PLAYING OVER STEREO] Not another drive-in movie You know you can't be still Mm, move me Snake, snake One more button undone Next week I'll be a lousy liar [DOOR OPENS] [MUSIC STOPS] Ooh. Guava food groups, Corey. - Goodbye, Mark. - What? Hey, hey, whoa. Well, this looks very elegant. Yeah. Boy, talking to all those women can make you work up an appetite. COREY: Hmm. I'll bet it does. I think I got everything. I'm all set. Thank you. So am I. REX: Well... [CLANGING] You know, I can't help but notice you sitting there staring at me. I was just thinking how I used to imagine marrying you when you were on The Family Way. Marrying me? You must've been a baby back then. I'm not a baby now. You're a sweet girl. I'm not as sweet as you think. How old are you? Old enough. Sure you want to do this? Yeah, definitely. Rock 'n' roll. COREY: Oh, my God. [SNIFFLES THEN SIGHS] Why? - Corey. - What are you doing here? I'm fixing the sign. What are you doing here? Taking a break. It's so weird that you just came up here. I really have to tell you something. - Not now, please. - No, it has to be now. No, it has to be now. Listen, you remember that really horrible day when Mark set off the store alarm and Gina got dumped by that Dennis guy and cried all day and I drew the picture of him and Lucas made the voodoo doll and you wore that skirt that I hate? - What skirt? - That one with the flowers. - The blue skirt? - Yeah, the blue one. - Argh. - You hate...? - Yeah, I hate that skirt. It's good that I hate that skirt, Corey, because that... Listen. Listen to me. That skirt made me realize that if I can... If I can love her in that skirt, then this must really be it. Corey, I love you. What? I mean, I'm in love with you. I mean, I've been in love with you. Wow, please, not now. Please, A.J. Please, don't do this right now. I'm sorry, but I can't handle this right now. Are you telling me you could handle it some other time? - Is that it? - Look I just threw myself at Rex Manning, okay? I made a total fool of myself. And I really don't... - You what? - Yes, and I'm not ready for this, okay? I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I just want to be alone, okay? Yeah, okay. [COREY WHIMPERING] Just forget I said anything, all right? Just forget... I didn't say anything. Nothing happened. Forget about Rex. - We'll get you another guy. - I don't want another guy. I'm not like you. I don't need another guy. Why do you always try and make me like you? What do you mean, like me? I'm not like you with guys. I don't need to do what you do all the time. Oh, okay, I see. Not like me, the turbo slut. Is that what you mean? What are you saying, that I gotta go do every guy I see? You certainly seem to enjoy it. Ha! Well, what did you do, huh, Corey? Did you go over there and act all perfect and better than everybody? - Think guys like you for that? - They may not like it but at least they don't do it with me and go off and laugh. Miss Self-Righteous. EDDIE: There you are. Hey, is Rex Manning in yet? If he is, you gotta show him my eight-track. It's so great. It's The Family Way. - It's in the vinyl section right underneath... - Eddie, please. Hey, what'd I do? Hey. You forgot your thingy! I don't know, it's just something I've always been able to do. - I can tell you what color and what kind. - Mm. All right. What am I wearing now? Jockeys. Navy blue. - Am I right? - I don't know. Why don't you check it out and you let me know? Now the $64,000 question. Hi. That's really nice. Don't. Don't what? Pretend like nothing happened. Just don't. A.J., when you told me that before I just freaked because I don't think about you like that. I mean, you're my best friend. I think we have something better than that. Better. That's bullshit. You know it's bullshit. One for Miss Teen America. It's okay. I didn't spit on it. "Dishonesty"? What's that supposed to mean? - And one for the man with the band. - Ooh. [CHUCKLING] "Marc sucks." Yeah. Hey, A.J., I made you a button. "Stupid." Debra, you're just in time. - What? - Please. It's a surprise. DEB: Uh-uh. Veto, veto, veto! I'm not listening to it. - No, we're dancing to it! - I'm not. No, no, no. I am not gonna dance to Rex Manning. I'm not dancing. Why not? I am Rex Manning. I'm so sexy. - No. You're stupid. - No, I'm sexy. Get off! [REX MANNING'S "SAY NO MORE (MON AMOUR)" PLAYING] [SINGING] No more, mon amour [CHUCKLES] [MARK SHRIEKS] [GINA LAUGHS] GINA: Wait. Say no more Say no more - Huh. - Aah! [MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING] You all having fun? I hope so. [MUSIC STOPS] Don't let me stop you. Keep dancing! But you better do it now because by next week this is gonna be a Music Town. And I don't think that they allow dancing in Music Town. What are we supposed to do instead, Joe? What am I gonna do with this guy, huh? What should I do? Turn him in to the police? Send him to jail? Who do you think that he's gonna come to when he wants bail? Who? Me, right? Me. What should I do? Put in my own 9 grand? And then I'm screwed. Don't worry, Joe. You're a superb manager. Really? LUCAS: Superb. Keep it up, Lucas. Superb. Say it again. Superb. - You shit! That's it! LUCAS: That's my shoulder. Ow. Ow. JOE: Get in there, pinhead! LUCAS: Joe... Joe... Joe! No, no, don't! [LUCAS GROANING THEN BANGING] LUCAS: Don't do it. Don't do it. Joe. [LUCAS GROANS] [CYMBALS CRASHING] [SIGHS] JOE: You deserved that. You know it, right? - I know it. Where's Rex? Got a better question for you, Joe. Where's Gina? [COPIER WHIRRING AND GINA GIGGLING] A.J: I'll look upstairs. - I'll check the bathroom. - I'll check the storage room. I'll check the sofa. Hey, how's it going, man? Joe, I'm sorry I'm late. I brought some pizza, just in case anyone got hungry. So, what's up, man? Why you guys looking so glum? Where's sexy Rexy? It's kind of funny that you put it that way. What? Joe, I'm not feeling so good. Can I count out now? Why is the door locked? Where's Gina? Where's Rex? [CLATTERING] [SIGHS] What, no applause? Shit. - Get off! - I'm going to kill you! COREY: A.J., stop, he's not worth it. JOE: A.J. Come on, A.J. REX: Wise up, junior. Take your purse and get the hell out of my store. - Where's Jane? - She quit, pal. - What? - And I was lying about your hair. It looks stupid. And we all hate your new album. BERKO: Not to mention the ones before that. You're just a washed-up impostor, man. Why don't you all just fade away? JOE: Okay. How could you, man? With Rex Manning? I hate you. Gina, you better go home. Am I fired? Have I fired anyone today? No. Why would I start with you? So is this how your life is gonna be now? You just gonna screw every has-been until your tits fall down and they don't want you anymore? Well, at least I don't hide what I am. Right, Corey? At least I'm not some closet speed freak, right? What, you think I don't see what you do? You think I don't see? - Shut up! - I know what you do! What's this? Oh. What's this? What are these, huh? What are these? Aspirins? Vitamins? Breath mints? - Diet pills? COREY: Shh. Diet pills! Oh. What a surprise. - Stop it! - You know what? I could study all night if I was chowing down speed too. You know that I could. Here's one for your perfect little face! - And your perfect body! - Shut up! - Your perfect family and your perfect school! COREY: Stop it! - And your perfect, perfect future! - Gina, stop it! Stop it. - I'm stopping! - Come on, stop. Come on, come on. - I'm stopping! - Go home. Go home. It's always about her. JOE: It's gonna be fine. Really. [SCREAMING] No, it's not gonna be fine! Nothing's ever fine, Joe! I'll show you fine! I'll show you perfect! I hate you! I hate everything! [ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY AND COREY SCREAMING] DEB: Come on, up, up. Better? Okay, come on. Let's dry you off. So, I guess nobody really has it all together. No. I feel like I should welcome you to the neighborhood or something. Anyway, did you really wanna do Rex Manning in the count-out room? Is that how you always imagined your first time would be? Your back up against the daily totals and your feet pounding against the safe? "Oh, Rexy, stop that! You're so sexy!" Why are you being so nice to me? Let's save our Hallmark moment. [TOILET FLUSHES] [GWAR'S "SADDAM A GO-GO" PLAYING OVER TV] Gwar! Hey! Hey, Mark! [DANIEL JOHNSTON'S "ROCK 'N' ROLL/EGA" PLAYING OVER TV] You love Gwar. Why don't you join the band? [MARK YELLING] That rock 'n' roll It saved my soul Oh, man. Mark, man, you play a mean guitar, man. It's really a shame that you must die! [GROWLING] Wait! Hey, come on! [MARK SCREAMING] [CHUCKLES] [CHUCKLING] Wow. Heh. I love you, Eddie. [KNOCKING ON DOOR] Do you need a new night manager? What are you doing later? I don't know. I'm either going to jail or hell, I can't decide which. Well, wherever you're going, would you like to have dinner with me first? You bet. Hey, A.J. Can I ask you something? Do you know where Harvard is? It's near Boston. No, I mean, do you really know where Harvard is? It's another planet, man. Another universe, totally unlike the one we know. Filled with big blond guys who eat ivy and row boats. What I'm trying to say is, you and Corey are just not made for each other. She's different than you. She's... Death is in the cards. "Rest in peace, Deb." A funeral. Is Debra not with us anymore? COREY: If Deb wants to die, let's show her what a real funeral would be like. COREY: We're gathered here today to pay our last respects to Debra. She left us and never said why. But I'm really gonna miss her and I wish that I could have known her a little bit better. Dog shit. Hey, dead people don't talk. - Heh. - Berko, would you like to say something? Deb, I just... I just want you to stay. - That's all. COREY: A.J., do you have something to say? Well, is it better to know, or not to know? - Mm. - You see, I want to go to art school but I'm afraid. Jesus, I hate this funeral. There you are. [PHONE RINGS] Empire Records, open till midnight. This is Mark. Midnight! [INDISTINCT CHATTER] Oh. Help me, help me, help me. Oh, God. Um... - I'll take care of it, boss. - Okay. I really miss Gina. That's really special, but, um, weren't we supposed to be talking about me? I know. I just can't stop thinking about her. She's not afraid of life and she's not afraid to be herself. And I wish that I could be like that. I wish that I could be brave like Gina. You are brave. You're getting out of here. You're always talking about how I do what I wanna do, but I don't. I don't. Because I want to sing in a band but, um, I don't have the guts to even audition. And I know that if I don't do something, I'm gonna end up like my mother. Her life ended after high school. You're never gonna be like your mother if you don't wanna be like your mother. You're gonna be fine. That is so sweet, I think I'm gonna barf. Excuse me. COREY: Get down here. Hey, Mark. Um, ahem. I used to pee in my bed. [ALL CHUCKLING] I did, I wet my bed until I was 10. My mother turned me over to the county when I was 10. Uh, tsk... Not for being a bed wetter, but for being a bad seed, you know. Anyway, three years went by and then Joe came. And he, uh, took me out and I became the well-adjusted person that I am today. Look. I tried to kill myself with a Lady Bic. A pink plastic razor with daisies on it and a moisturizing strip. And it took me forever just to get through my skin. I don't know, I was just really tired of being invisible. We love you, Debra. [WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] Warren, get out of the store. [CHUCKLES] You can't tell me what to do, A.J. - What are you doing with a gun? - What do you think I'm doing? [GUNSHOT] - What the hell was that? - Christ! Holy shit, man! Why don't you let these people go? What do you say? Huh? Good try, A.J. Good try. You trying to fool me, man? I'm not that dumb! - They'll call the cops! - Nobody will call the cops. - Warren's shooting up the place. - A.J. A.J.'s fine. Everybody stand back, okay? Jane, call 911. WARREN: I'm crazy and I've got a gun. Joe. Hey, Joe, did you see that, man? Did you see that? Wasn't that brilliant? Yeah! Didn't you love that? You told me not to come back. - Well, here I am. - Give me the gun, Warren. I'll give you the gun. Deb, what are you doing? I wanted to have a little chat with Warren. Yeah? Have a little chat with my gun. What do you want, Warren? Stop calling me Warren! My name isn't fucking Warren! - His name isn't Warren. - His name isn't Warren? DEB: You can't kill me, Warren. I'm already dead. Thought his name was Warren. And I talked to God, and she says, "Yo, what's up?" And, uh, she wants you to lose the gun. You're psycho. You are psycho. What the hell is wrong with you people? You all belong in a loony bin. Every one of you. Forget you guys. I don't need you. You think you're so happy and you're so goddamn great because you work in a freaking record store. You think you're so superior. Hey, Joe. Lucas steals 9 grand from you and you don't do dick to him? So you gonna give me a job now? BERKO: So that's it, Warren? You want to work at a record store? No. I think you're lying, Warren. - He's not gonna give me a job, man. - How do you know? Why should he? Why should anyone give me a job? LUCAS: He gave me a job. [SIREN WAILING] So do I get the job? MAN: Considering the fact that he's a minor and he put blanks in the gun there's not a lot they can do to him. - Well, thanks a lot, officers. Take care, Warren. Stay out of trouble. - Take care, man. - Wait a minute. A.J: Oh... - I made this for you. - Cool, man. - "Warren. I work here." - Wait, wait. Can you keep it here for me? When I get back... - Sure. - Thanks, man. LUCAS: Hey, Warren. Take care of yourself. Don't let the man get you down. Yeah, you too, Lucas. - Bye, Gina. BERKO: Yeah, don't drop the soap. [MARK CHUCKLES] I gotta call Mitchell. That's 1900 bucks. - I sold my Vespa across the street. - No. JANE: Here's $600 left over from the Rex Manning expense account. Cool. Here's about 30 bucks from Debra's buttons. I have some money in my bag. BERKO: Here's a couple bucks. And some Bazooka Joe for karma. Here's $23 from A.J.'s expense account. Maybe you can hawk this, I don't know. DEB: Six-fifty... Fifty... That's... - $3,050. - Yeah. - We need... - Six more. It's not about money, okay? Um... I hate money. Um... Look, I thought I knew what I was doing, but I didn't, okay? I give up. Call Mitchell. - I think we can work something out. - No, now's the time. Just call him. Whoa. Whoa. Wait a second. Give me a couple seconds. Heh. Oh, yeah! MAN: And so the perpetrator will be taken to Juvenile Hall and charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and possibly even kidnapping. I saw the whole thing go down. I work here. Hey, man, check it out! Mark's on TV! Joining us is an eyewitness to the scene. An employee of the store who saw it all. Tell us what happened. This guy kind of wigged out, but that's besides the point. We're having a get-together here tonight. - There'll be free admission, live music, chicks. - No, no, no. MARK: The full nine yards, man. It's gonna be heavy shit. Here at midnight. We're live on the air right now, sir. - A party? MARK: Anybody can come! Here at midnight! Party on, man! Damn the man! Save the Empire! No, no, no, give me that. We've gotta make some money. Whoa. Okay. Got it. You gotta invest in this when you're young. A record is like life. It goes around and around. - You want for this? - How much? Eighty bucks. [GRUNTING] Five dollars a beer. Have your money ready, all right? There you go. Oh, thank you. You gotta buy something before you go in. So, you want to buy some vinyl or something? MITCH: Joe! What is going on here? Why do I get the feeling that I am being royally screwed, Joe? Because you are, Mitch. There was no money in the bag. One of my employees needed it. Who took it? Who took my money? LUCAS: Mitch, this is some party. It's a hell of a turnout. - Who are you? - I'm Lucas. I still work here. - How could I forget? We're discussing... - I wanted to talk to you about this Music Town thing. Next week, you'll be the proud owner of one of the many Music Towns across this land. - Correct? - Yes. You like this because Music Town jacks up prices. - So you make more money. - Smart boy. Now, when Music Town comes in, Joe is out. A.J. is out. And all the beautiful little tattooed gum-chewing freaks are out as well. And, uh, it pretty much goes without saying that I'm out. I wish it had gone without saying, but you don't seem to shut up. What I think Lucas is trying to say is that I'm gonna open my own store. You don't have the start-up capital. - Yes, he does. - No, I don't. But I will. I will get it. Mitch I quit. - You knew, didn't you? - About what? Everything. About me, what I wanted to do. I knew you weren't happy. [BAND PLAYING AND CROWD CHEERING] [SINGING] They all said Life's just a bowl of cherries, but - Hi! MAN 1: Hey, how you doing? Hi! [INDISTINCT CHATTER] I feel so funny, deep inside I wanna kiss myself goodbye Sugar high Gotta have it Really need it to get by Yeah! Gotta feel it, can't conceal it Sugar high Yeah! And not even leave the house A TV set and a bottle of wine's just fine Crashing out on that old pull-out couch Watching Saturday Night Live I guess that's why Thank you for coming. Bye-bye. Thank you. Move along. These are on sale with a coupon, right? [CASH REGISTER BEEPING] Doesn't anybody work in this store? I do. When I think about my life I wanna kiss myself goodbye A.J! A.J! A.J! All right [ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] Please, leave! Leave the merchandise, take your cup, get out! There must be somebody outside you need to bug or something! Now! Here's all your money. Count it. Look, Joe. I hate this place. You love it. Let me sell it to you. Cheap. Thanks, you won't regret it, Mitch. Asshole. I'll take it. Give me that! You! Take the lead. - What? - Go on, Gina. Take it. You're on. Far and wide - Yes! She's doing it. Aah! - Wow. I've explored the deepest caverns Of my mind To try and find an explanation why I get this funny feeling Deep inside When I think about my life I wanna kiss myself Goodbye Sugar high Gotta have it Really need it to get by Sugar high Wanna feel it Can't conceal it makes me high Sugar high And even though I gotta live until I die Sugar high Can you feel it? Can you feel it? Sugar high [CROWD CHEERING] Perfect. Well, not entirely perfect. Hi. What are you doing up here? - Listen to me! - Hello, Corey. You're so special and you're so talented! You have everything it takes! More than everything it takes! And you're really stupid because you don't know that! And I know you don't love me anymore and I blew it, but at least I know. And if you don't go to art school if you don't understand how special you are, then you know nothing. - Corey, I... - And I did love you and I still... Only I didn't realize it was love because it was more than love. It wasn't just some stupid feeling in my stomach like everything else. I'll never love anybody as much as you. - And I hate you! Why did you wait so long? - Corey, I quit. I quit. I'm going to art school in Boston so I can be near you. - Really? - Yeah. [COREY WHIMPERS] [COREY LAUGHING] [BOTH LAUGHING] [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] MARK: That guy, whatever his name is. What's his name? Um... That dude with the shaved head? The liar guy? EDDIE: Henry Rollins? MARK: Yeah, the guy with the tattoos all over. - I admit, Henry Rollins is sort of a puss, man. - Yeah, he's a total puss. His lyrics suck. But you can't go and put down The Misfits. They had, like, everything it took to be a great punk band. They had good bass lines and, like, strong guitar chords even though they were only three. They didn't even compare to Primus, man. They were that old-school stuff. Primus? Why get into Primus, man? - Primus sucks. - Primus is the new stuff. I mean, out with the old, in with the new. Well, that's just a bad thing if Primus is what's gonna come around. - What are you talking about? - The fact that Primus has nothing, man. They've got good bass lines. I'll admit. They've got beautiful bass lines. Six-string fretless bass. Okay, but they're not as good as, like, The Pixies. The Pixies have way better bass lines than Primus. So why didn't they stick around? Well, you know, because people wanted to do solo careers and explore themselves as single entities instead of a band. But that's... I don't know, man. They're just doing it for the money. No, it's not about money. What are you talking about, "money"? It's not about money at all. [MARK EDDIE CONTINUE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] [English - US - SDH] Damn. Had I known what I know now. But today cats are different. We all know selling and competition, that's what this country's built on. It's all about one thing: making money. Money, baby. Simple as that. Evertyhing else is just bullshit. Money is why people come here from every country in the world. It's what the American dream is all about. You think people come here from all over the world to live in East New York... in Harlem, the South Bronx... because of the beautiful views, because of the fucking quality of life? My name is Victor Rosa. Just hit a couple-a for me. Bye. Ooh, excuse me, child. Donald, you're more than a client. You're a friend, and as a friend, I feel that I have to warn you of the danger. Nobody even knows who this cutty is. He bought syntonex before it went up, and he sold it one point before it went down. And now that bastard Harley Mason just put a bundle with him. He got lucky once. He got lucky once. Look who cutty chose for a partner, for Christ's sake. I fired her. If I were you, frank, I wouldn't spread that around. Sorry, Walter. That's the way the cookie crumbles. Good-bye. If Donald fallon leaves, others will follow. Either get something on cutty or get us into bed with him. And now the buzz from wall street. Move over, Dean witter. Step aside, Walter Manchester. Step aside, Walter Manchester. There's a new bull in town, and his name is Robert cutty. This is Cindy Mason, the New York post. Thank you for all your faith in Mr. Cutty. He will not let you down. Uh, when will Mr. cutty contact us? Probably never. What? He never calls clients unless something's wrong. That's why no one ever hears from him. Oh, I see. Thank you, Laurel, very much. Gentlemen? Thank you. Bye-bye now. Good day. Thank you. Good day. Thank you. Good day. Good day. Good day. Good day. So tired. But Ms. ayres, I'm sorry. You can't relax quite yet. You have 3 more Cindy Mason readers due in one half hour. All right. That means I gotta go pull out the box. The box? Yeah. The box. The one that has all my great ideas that Manchester hated. Oh. That box. I--i got rid of it. It was such a clutter in the closet. You what? Um, I got rid of it. Um, I got rid of it. Go get it. No. I, well-- It--it's in the garbage. Are you crazy? Did I hire you to take my box that had all the great ideas that I loved and cutty loved and Manchester hated and put it in the garbage? You threw my future in the garbage? Ms. ayres, I--i put it all, um... What? In here. What are you doing? All your files are in here in a--in a program that I designed. It's catalogued, it's categorized, it's cross- categorized, it's indexed, and it's referenced. The box is in here? Yes. This is great! Who knew you had this in you? Oh, I did. Heh. Boy, were you wasted on frank. Yes. Cutty-ayres. Just one moment, miss Scott. It's that woman for Mr. cutty. Oh. Camille. Hey. Oh, Laurel, hi. I asked to speak with Robert. Oh, well, you missed him. He was in Washington this morning. You know, he's on his way to Rome to see the pope. You know, he's on his way to Rome to see the pope. - The pope? - Oh... You know, the pope doesn't make a move without him. Really? The pope! I wanted to thank him for the flowers. He sent you flowers? Oh, you didn't know? No. Well, how could I know everything that goes on in this man's-- I mean, he's just fab-- What, Sally? Hold on. What? Oh, I'm sorry, I've got to go, Camille. Robert's on the other line. Robert's on the line? Tell him I'm on the line. Laurel? Bye-bye now. Hello? Hello? Yakita, yakita, yakita. This woman! This is fabulous. This is incredible. This is amazing! You are just-- You're a find. Would you tell Mr. cutty that? Yeah. Sure! Gosh. The pope. Mr. Carter. Hi. Frank Peterson from Manchester investments. Hi. Frank Peterson from Manchester investments. Right. I totally understand. I'll get right to the point. Robert cutty. Well, I was wondering if, in any of your overseas operations, you've had any contact with him. His company-- Small. Insignificant. Yeah, I can't even find anyone who's met him. ♪ Mr. big stuff ♪ ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ ♪ Who do you think you are, Mr. big stuff? ♪ ♪ Tell me ♪ ♪ You're never gonna get my love ♪ ♪ You're never gonna get my love ♪ ♪ Mr. big stuff ♪ ♪ Mmm ♪ ♪ You're never gonna break my heart ♪ ♪ Mr. big stuff ♪ ♪ Mmm... ♪ But I hear he's very weird, eccentric. He won't even take meetings. C-u-t-t-y. Yes, sir, I believe it is spelled just like the scotch. His phone number? ♪ Mr. big stuff ♪ Yes, I understand you have a reservation. Yes, I understand you have a reservation. It'll be at least 20 minutes. With this it's just a fad. Cutty is gonna crash and burn and take his clients with him. Excuse me. Dalton, I am here with Donald trump. For god's sake, how long is it going to be? I have checks sitting on 2 tables. Ah, miss ayres, how nice to see you. I have Mr. cutty's usual table. Cutty? They're lookin' for you. Sorry, frank, but I'm gonna go crash and burn with cutty. Call me. ♪ Mr. big stuff ♪ Newspaper, sir? Hello, and welcome aboard. Please fasten your seatbelt. Slip the metal fitting into the buckle, then pull on the loose end of the strap to tighten... You're aesop Franklin, aren't you? How was your meeting with the stockholders? Hewlett-packard. Hewlett-packard. Do I know you? Actually, no, you don't. I'm Laurel ayres with cutty-ayres investments. We've been talking a lot about you, actually. Seems like you're going to need some investment counseling. Yeah, I, uh-- I don't understand. Well, you're selling your company, all that money. You're not gonna be able to just stick that in a savings account. Oh, see--there's the misunderstanding. There's no money. There's just a job. What do you mean, "there's no money"? You do this for a lousy job? You do this for a lousy job? The job is not lousy. The deal is lousy. Then why are you doing it? Well, I have to. Why? Syntonex, is... Bankrupt. What? ! Bankrupt. And the only way I can save it is to give it away. Oh... You don't just give up the company. So... Well... All right, all right, imagine that you had a company imagine that you had a company and that you loved this company-- nurtured it. You--it's your whole life. Right? Right. But your company's dying. Well--no. Actually, uh... There may be another way to save it. I have a guy I'd like you to talk to. His name is Robert cutty. Robert cutty. Mm-hmm. Who are you? I'm Laurel ayres. You're Laurel. Well, I'm aesop. Aesop... Franklin. Yeah, Franklin. That's right. Page 15. Robert cutty. If anybody can save it, he can. If anybody can save it, he can. Sally, I'm back. Hi. Welcome. Welcome. Sally, aesop. Aesop, Sally. Hello. I wanted to go home, but--but... But we have work to do. Mr. cutty's going to save aesop's company. Now, tell me, did any files arrive for me today? I think so. It's on your desk, next to your mail. Very good. Thank you. Come on, aesop. Uh... Uh... These are your files? It's a mess, isn't it? Is there anything living in here? It's hopeless. I know it. I can't run a company. I can't even run a bath. What am I doing here? What if hewlett-packard finds out? They'll pull out. I'll lose everything. Aesop. What? Sit down. Oh. Sit down. Sit. Yeah. Sit. Yeah. Sally, can you come in for a second? I have a challenge to that fabulous program of yours. Think this is gonna be a problem? No problem. Really? Well, maybe a little problem. Oh, by the way, the envelope on top, you're supposed to r.S.V.P. By this evening. Mr. fallon has invited you and Mr. Cutty to his annual Thanksgiving charity ball. It's black tie. Well, unless you're a pilgrim. Well, unless you're a pilgrim. Sorry. I'm--I'm--um... Everybody in the financial world will be there. That's good. That's actually very good. Aesop. Aesop! Huh? Would you mind being my date? It's a perfect opportunity to introduce you to the movers and the shakers. Ok. I mean, I love black tie parties. Even I look good. I'm sure you do. All righty, then, thank you, Sally. ♪ Go... ♪ ♪ On with the show ♪ Fabulous oh, there's no business like show business. So, girlfriend, what look are we going for this time? Well, I don't know, Charlie, it's such a big night, and all these bigwigs from wall street will be there. And all these bigwigs from wall street will be there. Well... The slut look never fails. I know, but I have to look intelligent. After all, I'm representing Robert cutty. Slutty, yet intelligent. News anchor. ♪ A fine romance ♪ ♪ With no kisses ♪ right there. ♪ A fine romance, my friend ♪ ♪ This is ♪ ♪ This is ♪ ♪ We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes ♪ ♪ But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes... ♪ This is what I call giving thanks. Please don't leave me alone with these people. Aesop, that's my hand you're crushing. Shall we go in? You all right? Yeah. That was a very profitable merger. Thank you. Arigato! Thank you. Arigato! Miss ayres. Excuse me. Miss ayres, my money has never been in more beautiful hands. Nor has it ever had a better rate of return. Cutty's amazing. No doubt about that. The governor remembers him from wharton. Isn't that funny? He's never mentioned it. Where is Robert tonight? He sent me a personal note saying he'd be here. Well, you see, Camille, he's actually swamped in Bangladesh, so he won't be here, but I managed to bring someone equally brilliant. But I managed to bring someone equally brilliant. Huh? Aesop Franklin, ceo of syntonex. Ceo? Not anymore. Congratulations on the sale. Uh... Well, actually, Mr. cutty may end up disappointing hewlett-packard. I'm intrigued. Camille, get Mr. Franklin a drink. Sure. I love your tux. Laurel... It's OK. Go ahead. Go ahead. Tell me more. Tell me more. Well, Robert seems to think that if left independent, well, Robert seems to think that if left independent, syntonex can be a money machine. He does know what a mess it's in. Oh, yes, but he's fixed worse than this. You mean cutty's going to reorganize the entire company personally? And oversee its management. He's that sure? He's putting his own money in... Until, of course, he finds a few select investors. Let me talk to a few people. I'll be back. I know you will. I know you will. Oh--oh--ooh. Laurel? Laurel ayres. I'm Cindy Mason. I write a little column. Oh, yes. I loved what you wrote about Mr. cutty. Thank you. Thank you. I'm flattered. You know, Laurel, I'd love to write your fascinating story. Would you? Now I'm flattered. A young woman starts at the bottom, a young woman starts at the bottom, stays there, and then gets fired and winds up being partners with the most talked-about man on wall street. That sounds like fiction to me. Well, the best stories always do. Well, they do when I tell them. Of course, in order to make this story really work, I'd have to speak with Mr. cutty in person. To do a story on me, you want to speak to Mr. cutty. Well, it's a perfect arrangement, isn't it? But it's not so perfect. But it's not so perfect. You see, Mr. cutty doesn't speak to the press. Nice to meet you. Laurel, it doesn't pay not to talk to Cindy. You know, I like your 'do. Do you? Mm-hmm. I do, too. I'm a little shy, so I don't want you to leave me, OK? You stick right with me. Wow... Laurel! Wow... Laurel! You look great. What happened? I'm told it's what happens to women when they leave bad relationships, frank. Oh, come on. Let's be friends. Dance with me. I don't want to dance. Come on, dance with me. I've got some very good news for you, and I'm not gonna tell you unless you dance with me. Dance faster, frank. You're making my skin crawl. Ha, ha, I've missed your sense of humor. Ok, here it is. Manchester wants you back. Really? What happened? Did they discover that all your original ideas did they discover that all your original ideas were mine? He respects you, Laurel. He always has. He wants to make you a senior v.P. V.P.? Senior? You'd be one of the highest-ranking women execs in the business. Wow. But I'd also be your boss, frank. Well... Of course, I'd move up, too. Uh-huh. Just think about it. With Manchester and cutty together, we'd own wall street. Heh heh heh. Forget it, baby. Manchester doesn't get cutty, Manchester doesn't get cutty, and he doesn't get me. Well, if it's not Manchester, it'll just be someone else. Everybody wants cutty, and without him, you're nothing. You know, frank, I can afford to have you killed. Should I take that as a no? See, interlinks will make the nets obsolete. Here you go. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! You can conference with the library in Moscow and--and your grandmother in south America. Here, you. You try it. Very good! It's all on a point and click interface. Anybody can do it. Not me. Hey, should we check out your portfolio, Mr. fallon? Don't you dare. See... Did you know about this interlink software he's developed? It could be revolutionary. It could be revolutionary. We know. And check this out. Laurel, we need to meet cutty on this. In person. Robert cutty in person. You get it? I'll try. He's really, really not into having personal meetings. I'll do my best. That's not good enough. All I want to hear is when and where. All I want to hear is when and where. Well I'll-- I'll call him and I'll see what I can set up, and then I'll call you. Look, look, look. No, Mr. cutty is not in. No, I don't. I'm sorry. Cutty-ayres. Oh, dear. Oh, just one moment. Cutty-ayres. You seen the paper this morning? That Cindy Mason! You see what she wrote? ! This trash? The cow didn't even mention my name! Is it really true he's having all these affairs? I thought Mr. cutty was searching for true love. I thought Mr. cutty was searching for true love. He's a man. That's how they search. Did something happen last night? Happen to me? Oh, no. What could've possibly happened to me? Nobody wanted to know anything about me. They only wanted to know about cutty. I'm telling you, the guy's a pain in my behind now. I regret the day that I ever made him a-- Part... Of my life. It was like I had nothing to do with cutty-ayres, like I didn't exist. Ok, um, let's go back 2 months ago. Ok, um, let's go back 2 months ago. Yes, 2 months b.C. "B.C."? Before cutty. You just don't have enough to do, do you? You make these up at your desk? Well, before cutty you had no job, no prospects, and a big debt. Minor details. You yourself call him a genius. He's more elusive than Howard Hughes. I've never even met him. And you give him all the credit. And you give him all the credit. I gave him the credit because I wanted him to have a little respect. Well, you got what you wanted. Thank you. Ok, now, what's this secret cutty meeting that everybody's been calling me about? You don't want to know. Well, CNN called, the times called, Cindy Mason called and offered me $1,000 if I'd give her the location-- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Cindy Mason offered you $1,000 for the location? Uh-huh. What? Heh heh heh heh. Heh heh heh. Call her back and tell her you'll take it. Call her back and tell her you'll take it. What? ! Tell her you will take the money, and call all those people back and tell them you'll take their money, too. Oh! What are you going to do? I'm gonna perpetrate a great big whammy. Heh heh heh heh. Where the hell is cutty? My feet are killing me. That camera touches my hair one more time, that camera touches my hair one more time, you'll be sending video from your lower intestines. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hello, darling. How are you? I thought this meeting was secret. So did I. I can't believe this! Sir? Your door's locked. Robert, please. Come on, come on, it's him! Go get it. They're here for you, Robert! Robert! Mr. cutty, could we get it right here, please? Please, Mr. cutty! Oh, nice! Oh, nice! Mr. cutty! Why can't you people just leave him alone? You should know better, Cindy. Oh, please! Who the hell does cutty think he is, standing us up like this? ! Preposterous. I thought we were gonna get to meet cutty. I'm wasting my time here. I gave up a board meeting for this. Obviously, someone tipped off the press, and he didn't want to come through that throng of reporters. Look if cutty can't even show up for a meeting, how the hell's he gonna run a company? You wanted Mr. cutty, he's here. His ideas are right in front of you. His ideas are right in front of you. Well, thank you very much, miss ayres. I'm sure this'll make for fascinating reading. But frank is right... Without cutty, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pass on this one. I agree. Me, too. Garcon! My coat. I tried. My conscience is clear. What? I said to Robert, "these are important men. "Some of them are clients. "We made promises. We have a moral obligation to these people." We have a moral obligation to these people." Just a minute. Just a minute. You-- You mean that cutty wants-- Yes. He ran the numbers... And he wants to keep syntonex to himself. I'm sorry, darling. I'm sorry. This is bullshit. Go ahead, you tell Mr. Manchester that you recommended to Mr. fallon not to go through with this. Mr. fallon, I didn't say that. What I said was-- Shut up. Shut up. Just a minute. Calm yourself. I don't want to. No, I don't want to. All right. Please, control yourself. All right. Please, control yourself. I'm sorry. Gentlemen, turn to page one. Let's begin to read. I'm so sorry. It's all right. It's all right. Syntonex consolidated financial state. Page 2 is better. Page 2. Its consolidated financial state, and consolidating-- Come on, bissel. Move your ass! Mr. fallon? Mr. fallon! What's the matter, frank, trouble in paradise? What's the matter, frank, trouble in paradise? What happened? What happened? What happened? They went for it. They went for it. Yeah! They went for it! They went for it! They went for it! They went for it! Come on, I got a surprise. Ok. Oh, my god! They went for it! Ok, we all pitched in and got a little something, you know, to show our gratitude. I hope Mr. cutty smokes cigars. Tell him thanks. Tell Mr. cutty thanks for saving our jobs. I gotta tell you, this is my favorite time of the year. I gotta tell you, this is my favorite time of the year. When I was a kid, every Christmas my dad would give me a railroad ticket. One way? No. He'd buy a ticket for him and a ticket for me, and we'd get on the train and just take trips. One year, we ended up in Cleveland, and he managed to make Cleveland wonderful. You don't do that anymore? No. He passed away, so now I go, I light a candle every Christmas Eve, you know. I light a candle every Christmas Eve, you know. That's a great story. Thank you. Think you can handle another story? Sure. Robert cutty doesn't exist. No, you don't understand. I made him up. He's not real. Oh, I've known that for weeks. What do you mean, you've known that for-- What do you mean, you've known for weeks? Well, sure. I mean, because every idea cutty had, it was already in your files, or I saw you come up with it. Why didn't you say anything if you knew? What, and stop getting all those great presents? No. Besides, I loved it. Besides, I loved it. If you had to make up a white male in order for people to recognize your talent, then I thought, well, it's my job to, you know, keep the illusion going and support you. Ha ha ha! I cannot believe that you knew and didn't say a word. Yeah. Yeah, sure. You are something else. Oh. Thank you. Listen, you know, when I take over syntonex, I'm gonna need somebody to help me organize the company and run it. To help me organize the company and run it. You interested? Are you serious? Yes. Yes? Yes! Is that a yes? That's a nice little yes dance. I see. Oh, yeah! I love the headline. It's so exquisitely cheap. Oh, god. If this doesn't flush cutty out, nothing will. Know what? I think I know someone who could help us along. I thought you might. I have a friend at the s.E.C. I have a friend at the s.E.C. I'm gonna have Eddie on Laurel's tail 24 hours a day. Incognito. Great. Great. Agent thompkins, this is frank Peterson. I'm sorry to bother you at home, but I thought you might wanna hear what's in Cindy Mason's column before it's published in tomorrow morning's paper. Good morning, Sally? Be right there, miss ayres! Oh, great. You know, you made me feel so much better, I had to go shopping. I had to go shopping. I had to go shopping for you. Merry Christmas. Miss ayres, agent thompkins of the s.E.C. Is waiting to meet Mr. cutty. Agent thompkins? How are you? I'm Laurel ayres. Pleased to meet you. How can I help you? Well, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like to see Mr. cutty. You and the rest of the world. Unfortunately, he's not available, but I will tell him that you came by. Wasn't aesop Franklin your date wasn't aesop Franklin your date for Donald fallon's Thanksgiving party? Yes, he was. Is that illegal? Well, I'm sure Mr. cutty can explain everything when we meet if you could see that he gets this. A judicial subpoena? You're subpoenaing him because I'm in a picture with aesop Franklin? Well, Mr. cutty's the one that profited personally from the syntonex stock. But he didn't do anything illegal. I'm sure that will all be cleared up when I meet with him. And if he doesn't cooperate, then I'm afraid we'll have to then I'm afraid we'll have to conduct a full-scale investigation. Happy holidays. Well, this isn't even close to rational. I've gotta go see Charlie. He's my only shot. Well, this is just an idea, but what about if you told the truth? Are you crazy? What do you mean, tell the truth? I committed fraud. They're gonna put me in jail. This is insane. You know, if I had just been able to close that syntonex deal, everything would've been fine. I could've gotten rid of cutty. I could've gotten rid of cutty. Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho! Is Santa claus following us? Please, don't get paranoid on me now. I've got big fish to fry here. Come on. He's following us. This is crazy. This is nuts. Nuts. Nuts. Not that door, this one. Come on. Hello, ladies. Ok, what is it this time? Well, I need, kind of, a new look. Well, I need, kind of, a new look. Well, honey, it's what I live for. I hope so. It's gotta be distinguished, rich, powerful, old, and male. Well, now it's getting interesting. And white. White? Yeah, he's gotta be white. Oh, shit. I told you this was crazy. You got a better idea? I don't think it's crazy. Charlie can work miracles. Well, honey, I could sure use a miracle right now. Oh! I'm on. Here, slip into Ethel. Let a little sand out of the tits. Let a little sand out of the tits. I'll be back in 10 minutes. May I never get this old. Hello, my name is Robert cutty. Lower your voice just a few octaves. Uh, hello, my name is Robert cutty. Deeper. My name is Robert cutty, and-- Deeper. If I go any deeper, I'll be talking out of my uterus. Throw a little male attitude in there. Throw a little male attitude in there. My god. All right. That's me, Bob cutty, and I'm just gonna take you and bite your Booty in the back of my truck. I said male, not moron. Done. Is this gonna fool the s.E.C.? Wow. It's a miracle. I never go on stage with a new look until I try it out in public first. Public? In public. Mr. cutty. Mr. cutty. Of course, he can expect the best without any notice. Confidentiality? Madame, this is the Plaza. But what about cutty? He has to show up for the s.E.C. Fallon will approach him there. So you're sure hewlett-packard is in? H.P. Is in if fallon is in. Hold that! Jacobson's gonna tell him at dinner. At the Plaza. His favorite place. Nice work, frank. Charlotte, Mr. cutty is on his way. I want you to inspect the royal suite personally. I want you to inspect the royal suite personally. Simon, fresh flowers all over the suite. I don't care if you have to abduct them from our other guests. Jose, our best champagne and caviar delivered at once. Thomas, out front. You wait for Mr. cutty only. Now, everyone, go! Wait. The privacy of our guests is sacred. Get me Levy at the business desk. Randall, good to see you. Frank. You remember Walter. Randall. Well, fallon's meeting us in the palm court. Shall we? Taxi! Taxi! Camille, it's me, Tommy. Guess who's coming to town? Miss Mason? Frederick from the Plaza. He is coming. Hello, my name is Robert cutty. Mr. cutty? That you, Mr. cutty, sir? Hello, I'm, uh, I'm Robert cutty. Well, can I get your bags for you, sir? I'm not gonna be here long enough to need any. Excuse me. Mm-hmm. Got ya. Yes, I did. All the flowers are in place? The champagne, caviar, all the appointments? Can I get your coat for you, Mr. cutty? ! Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Ah, Mr. cutty. Welcome to the Plaza. I'm Frederick the manager. We're so deeply honored to have you. And if there's anything I can do for you to make your stay more pleasant, more comfortable, please, please, don't hesitate to call me personally. I just want to get to my room. Oh, of course. Of course. Everything is in order. I personally have seen to every amenity. Hey, Tony. You heard of that guy cutty? Guess what? He's here. Cutty? Robert cutty, here? Robert cutty, here? Maybe we could get him to join us, get this whole thing finished tonight. Frank? Now, miss ayres... Hmm? Stipulated that all charges be on her account. Excuse me. I'm looking for Robert cutty. Well, cutty? Robert cutty. I'll find my room myself. Thomas. Thomas. Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for Robert cutty. Please don't hesitate to call me. Mr. cutty? Mr. cutty? Sorry, sir. It's a private elevator. Mr. cutty? ! If everything isn't satisfactory in your room, sir, just call bell hop Thomas. The key. Thank you. I won't say good night, because I know you'll be having a great night. Hi. Robert. It's me. Camille. It's me. Camille. Camille. Camille. Oh, Camille. How'd you get in here? Oh, let's just say I bribed a bell hop. Well, what do you want? You said you couldn't wait to meet me. Yes, I did, but-- Are you disappointed? Oh, no. No. No. But, surely, you must be, my dear. Not at all. You're drop-dead gorgeous. Oh, no. Oh, no. Whoa! Oh! Robert. You're a genius. All geniuses are gorgeous. You think I'm a genius? I knew it the moment I saw the Van proposal. You really knocked me off my feet with the syntonex deal. It was luminous, insightful, brilliant. And those notes you sent. A woman waits all her life looking for things like that. I know. Here, just sit there. Here, just sit there. Now, Camille-- Shh. I don't, uh-- Robert? No, Camille! What're you doing? Don't take off-ooh, Camille. Ooh, Camille. Oh, my goodness. La Perla. Ooh, you are a man of the world. I want you, Robert. I want your genius. Fill me with your genius. No, Camille! Aah! Aah! Camille! Aah! Camille! What's the matter? Oh, golly. Oh, Camille. Oh, golly. Oh, Camille. Oh, I got a charleyhorse. Oh, here, let me help you. No. No! No! Stop that! Isn't that what you want? No, it isn't. And it shouldn't be what you want, either. But-- you know, you're an intelligent, beautiful, smart woman. You wanna get ahead in business? Use your brain. Whoa. No one's ever said anything like that to me before. Yeah, well, I'm not surprised. Oh, look, I'm shaking. Hold me. No, I don't want to hold you. No, I don't want to hold you. Hold yourself. Oh, Robert. Look, Camille, it's not what's down here that's important. It's what's up here. Think about it. In the meantime, get yourself together. I'm very pleased that you wanted to meet me. What a man. Listen, Thomas, listen, Thomas, I would really like to do business with you, but you're gonna have to tell me what room Mr. cutty's in. Is he with anybody else? I'm so sorry, miss Mason, but I'm not at Liberty to say. Oh, Mr. Frederick, what room is he in? Ha ha ha! You mustn't ask such questions. Mr. cutty? Mr. cutty! That's confidential information. I mean, I'm not supposed to tell you that. Mr. cutty! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! ...if you know what I'm sayin', so-- Mr. cutty, I-- Oh, shit. Excuse me, Mr. cutty? Sorry to bother you, but I'm frank Peterson from Manchester investments, and Walter Manchester and I are having dinner tonight with Donald fallon, and, uh, well, it's to discuss you-- Ahh! Gotta run. Ah, hell. You got me. Mr. cutty, wait. Ow! Shit! Mr. cutty, I don't know what Laurel ayres told you about me, Mr. cutty, I don't know what Laurel ayres told you about me, but I have no--ow! Ow! Ohh! Ooh! Aah! Where the hell is the-- Mr. cutty! Mr. cutty! Mr. cutty! Ooh! Ooh! Ow! Aah! Uhh! Oh, my god! Oh, my... Well, frank, will you help me? ! My car. Just my car. Leaving so soon? Frank! Stupid jerk! Cutty's getting away! Mr. cutty needs his car right now! Mr. cutty! Mr. cutty! Mr. cutty! Mr. cutty! Do you see him? Get the bag! Get in, get in! From the frying pan, into the fire! Mr. cutty! Mr. cutty, wait! Mr. cutty! Mr. cutty, wait! Taxi, yo! The press treats you like a rock star. How 'bout a good cigar? Thank you. Actually, I was just on my way to a business dinner where you were going to be the main topic of conversation. Yes, I know. I ran into frank Peterson in the head. Can we talk man to man? Man to man. That's it. I like that. Hewlett-packard wants to stay involved with syntonex, hewlett-packard wants to stay involved with syntonex, and Robert, with you at the wheel, they'd be damn fools not to. Syntonex is Laurel's baby. If Laurel wants a baby, she can go find a man and have one. Oh, that... Are you all right? I suddenly got a very bad taste in my mouth. Is this Cuban? Uh, no. It's Dominican. I don't smoke crap. I don't smoke crap. Oh. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I'm surprised you would even give me something like that. Listen, Robert, frank has made a deal. You get Laurel to cooperate, and they'll accept a plea bargain. She'll get a slap on the wrist, probation, lose her license. You, old friend, you'll be totally in the clear. That's a hell of a deal. She'll be well-compensated and we'll end up big winners. And we'll end up big winners. Pull over. Now, wait--wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute. If you don't like the deal, that's fine. Just make the s.E.C. Problem go away and forget the whole damn thing. Nice to speak to you, Mr. fallon. No, wait--wait a minute! Syntonex needs you, Robert, and you need us. Now, you think about that. Next time, they'll be Cubans! Damn, damn, damn. Looked like Brando there for a minute. All right, Mr. cutty, what are you up to? Go on, follow him. Pull over! Hold it, hold it! All right, park it, cabbie. We're just gonna hang out here for a while. Oh, yeah, cutty, you gonna die. You are gonna die. Doesn't make any sense. Ok, let me get this straight. You saw Laurel go to the club, but she never came back. But she never came back. I stayed until closing. Cutty showed up at the Plaza in her car and you followed cutty to Laurel's apartment. He went in, but he never came out. I was out there all night, and after Laurel left there this morning, I knocked on the door and nothing. Huh? What? What? Nothing. Nothing. They obviously knew they were being followed, so they gave you the slip. Do you know what? I say live and let live. I say live and let live. Merry Christmas. To you, too, you son of a bitch. Ooh, I cannot believe this. Even when I create the perfect man, he ends up stabbing me in the back. Mm-hmm. Do you want to talk about this? No, I don't want to talk about it! I'm gonna kill him. Well, that's a good idea, but there's one, small problem. What? How are you gonna kill someone who doesn't exist? Well, I don't know, but I know he can't show up in front of the s.E.C. If he's dead. That's good. That's good. ...Cause of the accident... This is just the nicest thing you've ever given me. I'm large like that. It's beautiful. ...Wreckage of the craft was found this morning off the coast of Albania with no signs of life. Authorities fear the worst. Oh, my god. What? Mr. cutty was on that ship. Oh, he was not. Stop it. He was. Hello? It was the ship. It was the ship. Of course. Of course! Cutty and calimeras are best friends! And now he's dead. Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! It's perfect! Do you have a black dress? Yes. Wear it, girl. I will! He was just the most generous, giving, loving man I ever knew. Don't you think? He was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I--I'm just so crushed that he's... Fish food at the bottom of the ocean. Fish food at the bottom of the ocean. Knowing that his body will never be recovered. They have rescued everybody, um, on the yacht and Mr. cutty wasn't even on board. Where was Mr. cutty? Aah! It's a miracle! You had the watch inscribed? Yeah. "Dear Robert, keep searching." Who's Jane? That's one of those women he dumped in his eternal search. Ooh! Got power. Mr. cutty's missing a foot. Well, he had 2 when I dressed him. You know what? Forget about it. They'll just figure it came off in the explosion. It'll be really realistic. Um, speaking of realism, don't you think we should remove this hook that's sticking out of the top of his head? That's sticking out of the top of his head? You're standin' there. Take it out. Aah! What? Ohh! He moved! Are you sure this is the right thing to do? The hook? No. Getting rid of Mr. cutty. This is sort of drastic. No more drastic than creating him. Oh, I found it! What? Just throw it in there. Just throw it in there. Release the brake? Pull the brake. Brake! Ha ha! Good-bye, Mr. cutty. Oh, god. Do you know I'm gonna miss him? Aah... It didn't blow up. What are we supposed to do if it doesn't blow up? I don't know. Well, maybe we should just leave it alone. No, we can't leave it alone. How are we gonna explain it? Well, we can't go down there, so it's just-- It's resting. No, no! Explosions don't rest. They either explode or they don't. See? Oh. Bye-bye. You all right? Yeah, I'm great now. Whoo. It's a good thing we don't do this for a living. Yeah, ain't it, though? All right, well... Let's get ourselves together, get in the car, and go home. We came in that car. I thought you were supposed to be efficient. I thought you were supposed to be efficient. I thought you would have had this all figured out by now. We blew up the damn car. What do you want from me? ! We just blew up the damn car. Listen, listen, listen! It's Christmas Eve. The market is closing in a half an hour. There's nothing I can do. You're gonna have to wait. Here you go. Thanks. Whoo. Laurel ayres? Yeah. Who are you? Police officers. Something wrong? You could say that. Who are you? Hey! Who are you? Hey! You're under arrest for the murder of Robert cutty. What are you talkin' about? ! You have the right to remain silent... Are you kidding? ! This is a joke. What are you doing? ! Hey, hey! Watch my hair! I just had it done. Hey! If we could get this settled kind of quick, it's Christmas Eve. I need to go light a candle for my dad. Oh, that's nice. Well, starting with the truth usually saves a lot of time. Do you mind? No, please. But I'm tellin' you when I tell you this story, you're gonna just die laughing. It's too much. You ready? Go. I could not have killed Robert cutty I could not have killed Robert cutty because he doesn't exist. I made him up. Well, if he doesn't exist, then who's this at the Plaza? Ooh, that's me. I'm dressed up like Robert cutty, and this is a great picture. Help me understand this. First you pretended there was a cutty. Right. Then you pretended to be a cutty. Right. Then you pretended to kill him? Yeah. I mean, he was takin' all the credit for everything. You know, I saved an entire company? A whole company, a whole company, and you know what they did? They gave him a box of cigars. And you resented that. Absolutely. So you felt worthless. Yes. Like you didn't exist. You know what I'm talkin' about. And as long as cutty was around, this wasn't gonna change. That's right. So you killed him. I did! Dead! Killed him, blew him up in the car! I mean, dead, dead like a doornail. Poof! He was gone. And how did that make you feel? Ohh, good. Like I knew that it would. Thank you. Yes! Thank you, Ms. Ayres. Uh-uh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a second. I've seen Kojak. I've seen Kojak. I know what you just did. No. I didn't kill the guy. Look, all you gotta do is call my secretary. Her name's Sally dugan. She will come down, she will explain it all. She was my accomplice. Not my accomplice. She was not my accomplice. She's accomplished. That's what I mean to say. She was my helper in-- She--she can tell you everything you need to know. You'll see. Sally dugan? Yeah. We'll do that. Sally, what happened? Oh, they arrested me in front of my whole family at Christmas Eve dinner. I guess they didn't believe you, either, huh? No, I'm an accomplice. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry. It's not your fault. No, it isn't. It's cutty again. Yeah. You OK? Yeah. I have to go to the bathroom. Isn't there a bathroom we can go to? Yeah, but did you see it? No. Ooh, I couldn't. Mm-mmm. I couldn't. Really? Yeah. This could be a very long wait. Oh, my gosh. Frank, I'm almost finished with the tree. Just a second. Reeling in the holiday spirit! Reeling in the holiday spirit! Uh, just, uh, give me a couple more minutes, here. I've already unwrapped your present... And I'm getting cold. Ok... Just, uh, keep your chestnuts roasting. Santa's up here making sure it's gonna be a very merry Christmas... And an amazing new year. Ho ho ho. Mr. Manchester! What can you tell us about Mr. cutty? Peterson will answer all your questions. All right, all right, here it is. Robert called me after that commotion at the Plaza to reschedule a meeting, and on his way to that meeting, he was carjacked. Carjacked? Was he robbed? Yes, he was robbed. His wallet, watch, jewelry, everything was taken. And then what, Mr. Peterson? I don't know if there were witnesses. Obviously, the carjacker had enemies of his own. And how is he now? And how is he now? Mr. cutty is fine. He was understandably shaken. He was in fear for his life. He wanted to get out of New York, so he called me and we got on the first plane to Europe. All right, that's it! This is Garrett findlay for c.N.N. Robert cutty is alive. Apparently, the wall street mystery man was the victim of a carjacking... Ok, I'll call you. All right. The charges have been dropped against you, too. When'd you guys figure out we were tellin' the truth? You know that guy you said didn't exist? You know that guy you said didn't exist? Son of a bitch. We also have a sworn affidavit from frank Peterson stating that cutty is alive and well and on vacation in the south of France. I don't know. For some reason, I thought she'd be happy. Laurel, please! Please, Laurel, don't do this to me. It's been 3 days, Laurel, this is not healthy. ...At 5,114. The sp 500 index is up over 2 points, the sp 500 index is up over 2 points, the nasdaq composite is up over a half point. Taking a look at some of our top stories in business, the s.E.C. Has cleared Robert cutty of all insider trading charges. This news has prompted an announcement. By Walter Manchester that his company and cutty's will now merge. As expected, frank Peterson has been named president... Sally, on answering machine: Laurel, it's Sally. This is the 12th time I have called you. You've got to pick up the phone and talk to me. Everybody's worried sick about you. Everybody's worried sick about you. We're all worried. You've got to stop this. Just stop what you're doing right now and pick up the phone. Pick-- The s.E.C. Has also announced that they have suspended the license of Laurel ayres, Robert cutty's former associate. Officials say an investigation-- We are talking to women, expecting but abandoned by wealthy but elusive fathers. By wealthy but elusive fathers. When's the baby due? Late July. Have you told Mr. cutty that he's to be a father? He won't return my phone calls. I love Robert cutty, and all I want is to meet with him... And to talk about the future of our son-- Our baby. Talk about your immaculate conception. Excuse me, he won't take your calls? I don't care if this cutty is the richest guy on wall street. You take his ass to court! You sue his butt! Am I right? You sue his butt! Am I right? Laurel, answer the door! All right, Laurel, I'm sorry, but we're coming in. I hate to do this, but here it comes. Thank you so much. Thank you. Laurel? Ok. Laurel? I'll take it from here. Thanks. Thanks, honey. Oh, my, what a mess. You crazy? Go away. Go away. My gosh. Look at this. You know, your door's broken. My, haven't you been busy. Goodness sake. Oh, you're driving everybody crazy. People are worried sick about you. Well, now I guess you can go back and tell them that I'm fine. I'm ensconced in my own little world-- My couch, my TV, and lots of people who deliver food. Now go away. Oh, gosh, that's a shame, you know, to let them come and take away to let them come and take away this beautiful building that your dad worked all his life for. Oh, please, leave my father out of this. I bet you didn't even bother to go and light a candle for him this year, did you? Where were we this year? I think we were in jail, were we not? Well, you're not in jail now. Come on, get up and go out and light a candle. No. Come on, gonna get up, gonna get dressed. We're gonna go out. Come on. Come on. No. No. We're gonna get up, don't fight. Get up and get dressed and we can go out and light a candle-- No. Go home. Go home! No. Go home. Go home! Oh, my gosh! The first thing you're gonna do is brush your teeth. Thank you, Sally. Thank you. So, my friend, what are we gonna do? I'm going back home and I'm going to bed. No, I mean about the future, you know. Your future, my future. Don't tie your future up with mine, you know. I'm done, you know. Frank's got cutty-- Listen, you've got to snap out of this. Frank's got cutty. So what? Good riddance! He's a bunch of trouble. Yeah, you're right. Right! Right. Oh, uh, by the way, um, you're gonna love this. What? The peabody club? Mm? They're making cutty a member. They're making cutty a member. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they're voting him businessman of the year-- As they should. Yeah. Nobody else had a year like cutty. No, that was my year. Nobody had a year like me. I know. Should be your name on that plaque. Yeah, it should. They're probably gonna have a big dinner of some sort with pressed chicken and fruit cocktail. And frank. Yeah. Frank's gonna have to accept the award for cutty. Yeah. Frank's gonna have to accept the award for cutty. How is it possible? I mean, he got my promotion, he gets cutty, he just-- You know, as long as frank's got cutty, he's got you. Yeah. Because... I am cutty. You know what? Yeah? Call me. I'm gonna call you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Gentlemen, good evening. We're here tonight to welcome the peabody club's newest member and to honor him with this year's peabody businessman of the year award. Peabody businessman of the year award. Pardon me, ladies, excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse us. Pardon me, ladies. I'm afraid, however, I have some very bad news. I've just received word that Robert cutty will not be with us this evening. It seems there's a typhoon in Hong Kong, so his plane has been grounded. So his plane has been grounded. But I spoke with Bob, and, uh, I can't tell you how disappointed he is. He asked me to convey his deepest regret, and his Sincere gratitude for being welcomed into this illustrious club, and for this--this prestigious award. So, on behalf of my close friend and colleague Robert cutty, I'd like to humbly accept this on his-- Mr. cutty's here. No, he's not. He's here. No, he's not. He's here. No, he's not. He's here. I would like to humbly accept this... Cutty made it in. He's here. I don't believe it. Yes! Very good. Hear! You're not gonna get away with this. Watch me. Donald, I see you're still smoking those cheap cigars. It's nice to see you, Robert. And you, Walter. My new partner-- no, frank, don't go anywhere. I like it when you're close. Without you I wouldn't be here tonight. You know, gentlemen, I managed to rent the concorde and I beat out that damn typhoon. You know, on one hand, there's something wonderful you know, on one hand, there's something wonderful about being accepted into an exclusive club. It makes a man feel, well, damn good. Damn good. You didn't know a damn thing about me, but you accepted me as one of your own, which I find amazing. You let my work speak for itself and look what's happened: You've made me businessman of the year. But in the words of Groucho Marx, but in the words of Groucho Marx, "I don't want to be part of a club that would have me as a member." And we've got to encourage our young people, which is why I want to share this award with the young man standing to my left for his hard work. He's been an inspiration to me. I really owe it all to him. Take a bow. Woof! Holy shit! Figures. You know, gentlemen... There's something about exclusivity. You know the word exclusive means "to exclude." You know the word exclusive means "to exclude." And I thought that would be the case with me. So I played by the rules. I worked really hard. I was very, very honest. But I knew that I didn't have the right image to be accepted into this club, and that chances were I would never have the right image. Image is a funny thing... Because underneath the right image... Because underneath the right image... Could be the wrong one. And underneath the wrong image... You may just find the real Robert cutty. Far out. Possibly the man who's serving you coffee or offering you a cigar. Or it could be a busboy or your waiter, or it could be a busboy or your waiter, you just never know. And gentlemen, I want to congratulate you for inducting into the peabody club your first woman member. Yes! Yes, yes, yes! All right, all right. Thank you very much. All right, Laurel! All right, Laurel! Yeah! Next week we'll do lunch. I'd like that. Ha ha ha ha! Laurel, you were fabulous! Atta girl! You did it! ♪ What I need, what I need is to change my situation ♪ ♪ Find a new direction ♪ ♪ All that I need and to hold my head high ♪ ♪ It's all that I need and reach for the sky ♪ ♪ That's all that I need and I-i-i-i ♪ ♪ I, it's all that I need... ♪ ♪ I, it's all that I need... ♪ I used to think that doing business meant, uh... Being insensitive, cruel. Why is it men always hurt the ones the love the most? Anyway, I've done a lot of soul searching. I feel reborn. Uh, liberated. I've really gotten in touch with my feminine side, and I feel... Ready to change ready to change into the kind of caring, feeling executive you want for this company. I humbly ask for the chance to prove that to you. That's really wonderful. It's remarkable how people can change. However... Knowing my associate as I do, knowing my associate as I do, I'm afraid it would really piss her off. ♪ Hey-ey! ♪ ♪ Because I believe ♪ ♪ That's all that we need ♪ ♪ Is to stand together ♪ ♪ It's all that we need ♪ ♪ And I-i-i-i ♪ ♪ I'll be all that I need ♪ ♪ I'll be all that I need ♪ ♪ What I need, what I need is strength that you give me ♪ ♪ Helped me see completely ♪ ♪ Opened my eyes ♪ ♪ What I need, you and me, we can learn from each other ♪ ♪ Take part in one another ♪ ♪ In building our dreams ♪ ♪ Because I believe that's all that we need ♪ ♪ To stand together is all that we need ♪ ♪ And pride ♪ ♪ Pride is all that we need ♪ ♪ Pride is all that we need ♪ ♪ And a little trust is all that we need ♪ ♪ And faith in us ♪ ♪ Is all that we need ♪ ♪ And I know love, love ♪ ♪ Love... ♪ ♪ Love is all that we need ♪ ♪ So many times playing someone else's game ♪ ♪ It's time the game has changed ♪ ♪ Heh heh ♪ ♪ This time I make the rules ♪ ♪ I won't be nobody's fool ♪ ♪ Ain't no one can hold me down this time ♪ ♪ This time ♪ ♪ This world's gonna be mine ♪ ♪ This world's gonna be mine ♪ ♪ There's a brand-new strength I've found ♪ ♪ Now I ain't looking back ♪ ♪ Ain't backing down ♪ ♪ And if the river's too wide ♪ ♪ I'll get through it ♪ ♪ And if the mountain's too high ♪ ♪ That won't stop this dream of mine ♪ ♪ I'm on my way ♪ ♪ I'm on my way ♪ ♪ I've got a plan ♪ ♪ I'm making my way any way that I can ♪ ♪ I'm making my way any way that I can ♪ ♪ River's too wide ♪ ♪ Mountain's too high ♪ ♪ I'm on my way, I've got a plan ♪ ♪ I'm making my way any way that I can ♪ ♪ If the river's too wide I'll get through it ♪ ♪ Af the mountain's too high ♪ ♪ That won't stop this dream of mine ♪ ♪ That won't stop this dream of mine ♪ ♪ I'm on my way ♪ ♪ I'm on my way ♪ ♪ I've got a plan ♪ ♪ I've got a plan ♪ ♪ I'm making my way any way that I can ♪ ♪ And if the river's too wide I'll get through it ♪ ♪ And if the mountain's too high ♪ ♪ That won't stop this dream of mine ♪ ♪ I'm on my way ♪ ♪ I'm on my way ♪ ♪ I've got a plan ♪ ♪ I'm making my way any way that I can ♪ ♪ I'm making my way any way that I can ♪ ♪ Oh-ohh-oh ♪ ♪ Keep hope alive ♪ ♪ And you, then you will realize ♪ ♪ It's true ♪ ♪ Everything in me is coming through ♪ ♪ For you ♪ ♪ Keep hope alive in you ♪ ♪ Keep hope alive in you ♪ ♪ Then you will realize it's true ♪ ♪ God is blessing you ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ If you just keep hope alive ♪ ♪ If you just keep hope alive ♪ ♪ Today in your life ♪ ♪ Today in your life ♪ ♪ All you got to do ♪ ♪ Is open your heart, yeah ♪ ♪ Keep hope alive ♪ ♪ And you, you will realize ♪ ♪ It's true ♪ ♪ Everything in me is coming through ♪ ♪ For you ♪ ♪ Keep hope alive ♪ ♪ Keep hope alive ♪ ♪ And you, you will realize ♪ ♪ It's true ♪ ♪ Everything in me ♪ ♪ Is coming through ♪ ♪ For you, keep hope alive... ♪ I'm gonna perpetrate a great big whammy. ♪ Amen ♪ Ooh, yeah. - Impressive. Good work, Walter. - It was Frank and Laurels show. Forget it, Carl. Everything here bears his fingerprint. We'll handle the acid. No acid regurgitation from me. I earn money, but have no idea what Fusionics do. - Fusionics change energy use. - "The Best" has written about it. He jokes. It was "All About Science". - We are late for our meeting. - Continue to work fine. Perfect team. - "The Best"... honestly. - La to be right at me. - You should read my material. - I have a personal life too. It's something I do not want to say. - I can force you. I'll do it if you are kind. - It is not necessary. - C.W. to become senior vice president. - The standard here is less. So guess who who will be promoted to vice president? I think you know it. - Say it now. You! You have seniority and me give thanks for the great success you. Are we there in the evening, is the job in place. We have 2 minutes. Come... Do you have a contract draft? Cc-ladies do not respect me. About 2 minutes... tie must have disaster relief. These Nymo tens stuff makes a mute. - Why did you buy it? - It was a gift from Carl Bode. - contract drafting... - Here they are. And the article? All eras. "Metals: Resource scarcity and sky- high my expenses". It gives me tears. Thank you, sweetheart. Come on. We are late. - Are you going to have on you? - Are you fashion expert? It's dark in the room anyway. - I Huntley Club? - Not there. We find a cool place. Only it's still there. Do not worry, Mom. Råmaterialbehovet is covered and by selecting Recarn Reuse falls 30%. your company save 13 million U.S. dollars annually. I said 13 million U.S. dollars annually. I'm in love! And I will have a child with her. - When is it repaid? - About 1 year. See page 6 The contract is very great, and you will have the numbers. My God... - Here. - What is this? - The customers get what they want. - Not Sandy. - I'm used to. Give me all you got, baby... - Can we get one more round? Do you like her breasts? I want to take plastic surgery. - Why? " " It helps. Show off a little at the next meeting. Big Tits is an advantage. Excuse me. - We need to talk. - Now? We do not get anything out of that they provide naked snake people money. - This is business and everything is great. - We go now. Stop it. You did a good job. Go home. The contract is in the bag. - No, and they travel in the morning. - Then we take a telephone meeting. - When? - In the morning. - This will be signed tonight. Then go over to them, and bring them back to work. No... Just go home. They fell in love for you. - I love you. - You are drunk. Go home now. Go out and have fun. Go now. Morning, Sally. Is Frank come? - He arrived at 8 Am I too late? - I will not say it, Miss Ayres. - Where is he? - I staff meeting. - Staff meeting? - The Manchester summoned to at. 8.15. They play expensive as usual. They are concerned about the refund. I had convinced them and completed the contract at 3 in the night. - Well done. - I couldn't have done without Laurel. Good to share the honor. It has advice when after such a victory. You and your telephone meeting. You told me to complete the contract. They were completely wild and would submit it to the board at once. It's a great win for us. For you and your promotion. They were completely wild. Manchester bet on. Let's celebrate it. - What are you in the lunch break? - Nothing. We're going to buy a wedding gift to Shull. We call it after the meeting. Shit! I already have a deal I do not have time to cancel. I'm not good at buying gifts. Take Sally. She has good taste. - let Sally make it so I can work. - She can not use our credit cards. - To Miss Ayres not... - Women love to shop, what? Sally knows Manchester's taste. We're going to make him happy, or? Thank you, sweetheart. - Eat lunch you, I go back. - I have lunch. If we take the result? - We take a taxi. I buy you. - I'm sorry, I forgot my place. Take a taxi. I walk. - What are you talking about? You always look at me like I was Santa's ghost. - Did Frank treated you badly? - You treat me as an antiquities. As one who just want to be secretary. I do my job. We have no rødstrømper on Wall Street. - quota rules did not help me. - They do not include you. I've worked hard for his career. Come with me. You have to look at something. It does not take long. Join now. What then? Frank eats lunch with Manchester. I have never had lunch with Manchester. - Why was not I invited? - Times change not much... - You coach my promotion! - You were a good idea. You do not then something between us. Even if I'm your boss now, we are a team. It's best I move the desktop, so I do not get the sun in his eyes. Sally? Can not see that we have a meeting. Can we be left alone? - Manchester would not listen to me. - Should I scream at him? He's gone to London. - So comfortable. He thinks that women like to be bypassed is quite negative. Men who are bypassed nurse as always to shoot with a sharp. I'm your friend. - How to manage it is not a friend. You are a aSosialt, blood-sucking pigs, who would sell his own mother. Vice President concludes contracts. I'm struggling, and you take the credit. I hope you are premenstrual. - Da, you were dead. Orcs you to hear the truth? You will never be vice president. That's it. You have it better if you work for someone you know. You are the first to know that I resign. It's a cold world, Laurel. Sally? - Hey, handsome. - You look like Barbra a dot. Excellent. I get more tips now than when I was Marilyn and Judy. May peace be with them. Here is the rent for July and August. - I owed for September and October. - It is November now. Destroy no joy. Time passes, but not put its mark with Barbra. I'll go, otherwise I'll be too late. - Goodbye, Mrs. Cupchick. Bye, Barbra. - Enjoy, girls. You're late home. - You ruin my wonderful day. You girls make career but what gives an empty apartment? - Independence. - The oppskrytt. I make hot chocolate for myself. I'm going. Remember marshmallows. -150. 000 is a high budget. I'm working out a plan first with the start of charge, earnings and profits. Do you have a job? - Da, I could not start a company. Do you have any assets? - I have the courage and ambition and if you read my plan, I have a good nose for business. I think now most of the shares, bonds or real estate. Now it sounds like that if you favor the men. Should we make a loan just because. Your sex because we are a Woman Bank... It would be a signal to men. - About that women can not run a bank. We must protect our customers, just like the Boy Bank. Sorry. We must have a surety. I have inherited a block of flats with six apartments of my father. I admire your courage, Miss Ayres. But are you sure? Dad took a chance when he bought it. He wants me to do the same. - I take care of paperwork. - Thanks. Hey, Lisa. It's Laurel Ayres. I have my own business now. Is Mr Anderson at the office? It was great, but branch California would not have it. I've stopped in Manchester. I own Ayres Investment Company. Is Mr. Johnson in? Great work, Laurel. But my companion did not want it. - Companion? - My wife. She inherited the business, have no idea anything about business, but is amazing in bed. Spend some time on it. Look what you get out of it. How about two tickets to the game Detroit-Rangers? It is sold out. I can read the prospectus for you, you just listen and enjoy the match. Most are tax deductible. Your return is 19% the first year. My companions do not jump on it. They do not stand out in Manchester. No, thanks. No... I understand. Have you seen it? When would you... If I can... No... I understand. No... What are you going to set up against such a companion? Thanks. Miss Ayres... - What are you doing here? - Frank has seen the press release. - What did he say? - He laughed. How nice it is here. - Are you going to spy for Frank? - No, I... I would... - I wanted to see how it went. - It's awesome. I do not even have time to fix hair, as soon as it goes. There you can hear yourself. I will be called down. - I let the answering machine take it. - I can take it. Ayres Investment Company. Mr. Carl Bode... She is on the client meeting. Just a moment. She comes out now. Carl... You've got it? Good. And you liked it? So, I sent it to you. Who else would get it? Is there something I can fix? I like to participate in a meeting. No. I understand. I can understand that well. Bye. Moro at alle i New York har en kompanjong som mener det motsatte. Do not you think it is funny? I'm fooling myself. They have no companions. They sweep me away. Can you make a call to Frank and say that I want back my old job? Yes. While I do, I think that you will turn on you. - Who are you calling? - Mr Donald Fallon. I have called Fallon Industries. Hey, Betty. It is Sally Dugan. I've heard that you are quite clever. Can you do me a favor? Can you press Laurel Ayres in in Mr. Fallon møtebok? About a month? All times if you can do it. Monday night? Monday. Great. See you on the path. You got a meeting. You must do the rest yourself. After them! I gotta pee. Five-minute break. - You must have many cards up his sleeve. An orange juice with soda. I'm Laurel Ayres. - Are you Laurel Ayres? - Bissel, this is Laurel Ayres. - I have not agreed to the meeting. He is an analyst. That's why he's so good. I have something they need to look at. - Bissel give it to the companion. No. - It is to you privately. - Mr Fallon companions see everything. Who does not read it. They sweep me away. I thought I was clever. I thought Laurel Ayres was a company. With the two men. I thought I would meet Mr. Laurel and Mr. Ayres. I gotta go. - I apologize for the misunderstanding. - They will meet two men. I'm not a man, but my companion is there. We are two. - Where is he? - I Asia on an economic conference. As a guest speaker. - Are you trying to impress me? - What is his name? - Name? - Like children have... - Obviously he has a name. - Are you, Donald? I'm going. I'll take credit cards. - Cutty. He called it. Robert on first name, the "S." Cutty and the last name. I have not heard of him. - He has heard of you. He is concerned about one of the companies Their, Banff Fridge. Everything is fine. - To 1998 when the freon is prohibited. They have to find another drug. He knows about equipment that can save millions. If you are not interested, so I... - it. Let me see it. - No. I want to see it. Give it to me. I'll read it. If it is good so I'll call. Thanks. What a strange lady. - Do you know a Cutty? Who is it? Ashley? I want to talk with Sally. Sally, Frank's assistant. Are you Frank's assistant? Where's Sally? Is she Harry's assistant? Harry's assistant himself. Do not take that tone. I can direct number... Goodbye. Think that Harry has my old job. - Yes. - I have a letter to Mr. Cutty. It's the wrong address. - It is from mrFallon. Mr. Cutty? - He is in the bathroom. Thank you. Yes! I have a meeting with Donald Fallon. - Impossible. Just check the book. I have an appointment with him. The only agreement Mr. Fallon is, is with Mr. Robert Cutty. I'm going instead of him. - Miss Ayres. This is Peaboby Club. I hear about Mr Fallon wants to see you. Women are just the lobby. That it has been in 150 years. It was trespassing at 1989 I'm Camille Scott, Mr. Fallon personal stockbroker. So good you look, Camille? - It is for your sake. Hello again, Miss Ayres. I want to talk with Mr. Cutty. - He sits in a meeting. - He gets 5 minutes on them. Mr Fallon... I can not. It's not a proper meeting. He will not... I can not... Stop! I'm not playing with people. I want to do business with Cutty. Even if I do not need it, I give him full fee. It means therefore... - We have bought the whole company. Ask Mr. Cutty get at. 9 in the morning. - I will not lie to you. I'm honest. He will not... Donald Fallon does not do business with people he did not appear. Mr Fallon... It is the just made. Thank you. Fuck! All right, Mr. Cutty. It's time that you are born. That, Mr. Cutty. Birth date? What do you think? On 29 October 1929. Black Thursday. Wall Street Crash. I like you not, Mr. Cutty. When you are 67 years. Where have you been all this time? Retired? You have been living in Switzerland. You got medhele wealth. Now you are back. How are you? On the Plaza. You have good taste. You are a good sportsman. You play polo. You go hunting. A decent man. Were you married? Widower. It's easy to find a wife. You may have never been married. You are 67 years, so why not? He trorpå the only right, but harikke found her. You are not so one writes about forretningsfolkibiografier. The total assets? They want to know everything, too. What are you, Mr. Cutty? No information. Take a cup of coffee. You look tired. Hello, Miss Ayres. I have a gift as thanks for meeting with Fallon. He bought the proposal. Now I have office, a new partner and letterhead. - There is not anything special. - There is too much. Thanks. Turn on the thread if there is anything I can do. Miss Ayres. I need a job. - You have a job. Without career opportunities. You and your partner needs an assistant. - It is perhaps career opportunities. - My partner hiring. - Arrange a meeting for me. - It is... a little difficult. - Why? - He already has one of the binoculars. - You... of all people... - What do you mean? "I want you, but my partner will not. " I do not sweep you away. Why do you want to work like that in a small, new company? I've seen you work for five years. There is no one who can beat you. - You know I can do for a living. "We have little money. I'll take it. Good, you are employed. - Oh, my God... - Wait until you see the Mr Cutty office. Put your things there. - It is not exactly my taste. - How nice it is. I'll tell him. - Has he shot the nose horn? Maybe. He has so much Away from all their journeys. - You know him all the famous? - Yes, NOK to a delicatessen. - I look forward to seeing your office. - My... I do not have an office... one can say. I use this here. - There is only one desk. - Do you mind? No... It is beautiful. - How did you meet him? - Who? Mr Cutty. - He read one of my suggestions. - How did he get it? - From one or another. He wanted some changes, so we worked with it in the weekends. - There is no strong named Cutty. "It's better than Wild Turkey. I thought I saw... Oh, my God, it is Aesop Franklin. Is his Aesop What's he doing? Do not you read journals? He is executive director of Syntonex. What is he here? Do not look at him. - He's executive vice president? - He began at home in the basement. He should go out more. Mr Jacobson. Sorry I'm late. I did not think they came here. Let's go. "We have not eaten. We have not eaten. - What are you doing? - Aesop Franklin meets Jacobson. He is director of the computer department at Hewlett-Packard. - What then? - They will surely take over Syntonex. - How do you know? - They meet in a bustling where they believe that no one will see them. - We saw them! - Yes, we did. - We saw them! - Yes, and who should I tell? Someone who gossip... I got it... To me, discretion a point of honor. - It is written in your face. Men will do business with other men, but we have power in bed. - Cutty can then bought the shares himself. - He will keep it a secret. I want to meet him personally, and see what he is attracted to. - He is attracted by Syntonex. - Syntonex shares races down. The firm made a laughing- and has a huge debt. - A rise would be miraculous. - Mr Cutty like miracles. You keep your mouth, right? - I am a professional. I know. HEWLETT-PACKARD BUYER UP SYNTONEX joy on earth The Lord is come let Earth receive the king joy on Earth - Syntonex has tripled and ladders. - I have read the newspaper. - What about Cutty? - I have found something here... - Are you all right? - Yes, please. When will I meet Mr. Cutty? - Probably never. Never? Non-maybe never. Surely not. He's globetrotter. - "Trotter" never to New York? He's just gone. We have fax and telephone. Good morning, Mr. Fallon. Nice to see you again. ...so early. He is never here so early. - This is my office. - Course. Come on in Mr. Cutty in office? Congratulations Syntonex. - You should keep quiet, Camille. - You know this city. - Yes, I am learning. - Why is his friend with this? - His friends are his customers. They hold on to Manchester. - You know he Barbra Streisand? - They are old girlfriends. Mr Cutty asks you to sell his Syntonex shares at a price of 54 - Analysts say 60 is the top.. - Mr Cutty do not believe in it. Miss Ayres. I'm ready to throw a lot of money for the Cutty. - We will just have a meeting. - It is impossible. I can scratch my face at. 10. I can drop down and take part in Cutty meeting with Harley Mason. - You know what? Harley-called and were malicious. It does not last as long. Mr Cutty is prevented and asked me to take over. - Okay. What is your handicap? - I do not play golf. Mason heads to Florida to play golf, not to talk business. Be Cutty call. Have a good trip. - Get you ass, Bissel. I'll take this. You do you invisible on nine holes. I want to talk to Cutty alone. Mr Mason. I'm Laurel Ayres, Mr. Cutty companion. He is stuck in Bangkok and sent me instead. I am the queen of miniature golf. - Johnny? - Johnny Miller...! - Can I join you? Sure! I do not say how much I lost when you beat the champion. I'm sorry. - Let me win a couple of holes. Have a nice, boys. - We talk about the proposal later. Miss Ayres... It's sold. Say to Robert Cutty that he is in a class by themselves. Yes, is not he? Go out and play. Johnny waiting. Hitlist a few pieces for me. Goodbye. - Excuse me, my boy. billionaire goes to Cutty-Ayres As your friend and the customer must I warn you. No one knows Cutty. He bought Syntonex before it went up. And selling a point before it went down. - Mason has just invested there. - Griseflaks. Look at the Cutty companion. - I gave her fired. - I would stay at My self. Unfortunately, Walter. That's life. We will lose more than Fallon. Find something on Cutty, or get us into the fire. So, to Wall Street. Move over Dean Witter. To the side, Manchester. There is a new investor at the track. His name is Robert Cutty. This is Cindy Mason New York Post. Mr Cutty will not disappoint you. When he contacts us? - Probably never. He only contact clients about it is something wrong. So we see him rarely. - Okay. Thanks, Laurel. - Bye. Goodbye. - I is completely finished. - You can not relax yet. It comes three Cindy Mason readers about half an hour. I'll take the cash. - Cash? Idékassa Manchester hated that. - It threw me. It took much space. What do you have? I threw it. It is down in the mud. Are you crazy? Throw you idékassa mi? I have added your ideas into the computer. - What are you doing? The information is located here in a program I have made. They are cataloged krysskatalogisert, indexed and have references. - Is cash in here? - Yes. All times! Who to know that you had the talent. I knew it. "We threw away the forces of Frank. Cutty-Ayres. Just a moment. It is she who will talk to Cutty. - Hi, Camille. - I asked Robert. - He is on his way to the pope in Rome. - Pope? The Pope does not do anything without him. I wanted to say thank you for the flowers. - Has he sent you flowers? - Did you not know? - I do not know everything he does. What, Sally? - I must go. Robert is on the other line. Tell him I'll talk to him. - Bye. The woman plaprer and plaprer. This is fantastic. This is incredible. - It is amazing. You are a discovery. - Would you tell Mr Cutty it? Sure. The Pope... Mr Carter? It is Frank Peterson from Manchester Investment Company. I'll go straight to the point. Robert Cutty. Have you had anything to do with him in overseas business. His company...? Small and insignificant. There is no one who has met him. ROBERT Cutty WALL STREETS NEW colleague Sally Dugan Cutty-Ayres INVESTMENT COMPANIES THANKS FOR THE BEAUTIFUL Stakes 5000 DOLLARS He's very strange. Eccentric. He will not have meetings. Cutty. Yes, it is spelled as whiskey. The phone number of his? know that they have reserved. It's 20 minutes of waiting time. Cutty goes down the toilet and draw customers in the fall. Excuse me. - How long will Donald Trump wait? - It is almost two vacant tables. Nice to see you, Miss Ayres. - I've Cutty regular tables. Sorry, Frank. I will not let me draw in the fall. Turn on the thread. Good morning and welcome aboard. Strap seat belts. They are Aesop Franklin, right? How did the meeting with shareholders in Hewlett-Packard? Do I know you? - I 'Laurel Ayres from Cutty-Ayres. We've been talking about you, and it appears that they need counseling. I'm not quite with. - They can not put capital in the bank. - There is no money. It's a job. No money? They are working only? The job is good NOK, but the agreement is poor. - Why are they doing it? - I'm going to have. Syntonex has gone... bankruptcy. Excuse me? - Bankruptcy. I can only give it away. - You do not give away a company. Think you that you had a company that they have loved and nurtured. And that was your whole life, but the company goes downhill. It's a way to save it. They should talk to Robert Cutty. - Robert Cutty? - Who are you? I'm Laurel. - I 'Aesop. See page 15 - Robert Cutty. He is the only one who can save it. Now I'm at home, Sally. - Welcome home. - Sally, this is Aesop. - I wanted to go home, but... We have a job to do. Mr Cutty will save Aesops company. - Is it made any archival material? - It is with the record. Come here, Aesop. - Is that your archive? - It is a terrible mess. - Are there animals in there? " " It is hopeless. I can not run a company. I can not even fill a bathtub. If Hewlett-Packard find it, I will lose everything. Sit down. - Can you come in, Sally? I have a challenge to the program. Is this difficult? No. Maybe a little difficult. There is an important envelope at the top. You must respond in the evening. Mr Fallon has invited you and Cutty to the annual Thanksgiving Ball. Casual is smoking, unless the pilgrimage. - All in the financial world is coming. - Fine. It's actually great. Aesop. Will you be my escort? You are introduced to all the peaks. Sure. I look great in tuxedos. - I'm sure. Fine. - Thank you, Sally. There's nothing like showbiz. What do we do now? It's a big event. All peaks from Wall Street is there. - You will only look like a cheap whore. - But look intelligent at the same time. I will represent Robert Cutty. cheap, but intelligent. Tv-host! - This is what I call Thanksgiving. - Do not leave me. You crush my hand. Shall we go? Are you okay? Miss Ayres? ! - Excuse me. My money is in the most beautiful hands. - And give a beautiful return. Cutty is fabulous. Governor remembers him from Wharton. - He has never mentioned. - Where is Robert tonight? He is about to drown working in Bangladesh. But... I have another brilliant man. Executive Vice President Franklin in Syntonex. Not now more. Congratulations on the sale. - Mr Cutty may disappoint Hewlett-Packard. I'm confused. - Give Mr. Franklin a drink. Great smoking. Tell, tell. Robert believes that an independent Syntonex can be a money machine. - There is a potter shop. - He has done it was worse. Will Cutty reorganize the company? And ignore the lead. - Is he so sure? - He is investing his personal fortune until he can find suitable investors. I'm talking with a few pieces now. I will soon. Laurel Ayres. I'm Cindy Mason, I write a little column. - Thank you for what you wrote about Mr. Cutty. "I'm flattered. I want to write about you. - Is it true? Now I'm flattered. A young woman who will start at the bottom and stays there. Can park and will partner with Wall Street's most talked about man. - It sounds like a fairy tale. - It will always do the best stories. Yes, when I write them. I need to talk to Mr. Cutty? - To write about me? - It's a good deal? - Mr Cutty does not speak with the press. - It was nice. "It is foolish to ignore Cindy. - I love your haircut. - Do you? I do too. I'm a little shy, so it's best you stay with me. You look good. What happened? - I left the bad company. Come on let's dance. I have some good news. Come on. Hurry, you give me goosebumps. - I missed your humor. Manchester want you back. Have they found out that all your good ideas were mine? He has always respected you. He wants you as a senior vice president. You are one of the highest rated women in the industry. And your boss, Frank. - I is also promoted. Think about it. With Cutty and Manchester together, we own the Wall Street. Forget it, dear. Manchester get neither Cutty or me. If Manchester does not make it, then do another there. Everyone will have his fingers in the Cutty. You are a zero without him. You know what, Frank? I can afford an assassin. Is that a no? You can keep the conference in Moscow, and speak with the grandmother in South America. Try again. It was great. It's point-click commands, anyone can use it. - Shall we look at your assets? - It dares you not! What you know about along the chain software? There may be a revolution. - We know. - Look at this! We must meet Robert Cutty personal about this here. Do they? He's not so much for the meetings. I'll do my best. It's not good NOK. I want to know when and where. I call him and find out of it. So I'll call you. No, Mr. Cutty is not present. Just a moment. Have you read the newspaper? Have you seen Cindy Mason's article? Is he really all the affairs? Looking after he was not the one right? - Men are like that. - Did anything happen yesterday? Not with me. The only people interested in is the Cutty. He's a nail in my coffin. I wish I had never made him a part of my life. It's as if I'm not in the Cutty-Ayres. Let's go two months back. Two months FC - F.C.? - Before Cutty. You have known too little to do. Do you have composed it himself? Before him were the unemployed and poor. - A small detail. You call him a genius himself. He's a bigger hermit than Hughes. - You let him take credit. - Because he should be respected. You've got what you want. - Thanks. What secret meeting with Cutty talking about? CNN and the Times called. Cindy Mason offered 1000 $ if she got the address. She Offered to 1000 $ to reveal where the meeting would be held? call and say you agree, and say the same to the other. - What should you do? - Making their way in abundance no. - Where the hell is Cutty? - My legs are bad. Get the camera away from my hair, otherwise I stick it up your ass! Thank you. Hello, dear. How are you? - I thought the meeting was secret. - I did too. - The door is locked. - Jump out now, Robert. They're waiting, Robert! Let him be. - Shame on you, Cindy. - Can you... What imagine the Cutty by cutting us out? It's too bad! I'm wasting time. Someone has talked to the press. He would not be exposed to them. If he can not come at a meeting, how can he run a company? - Alle Cuttys ideer er her. - Takk, miss Ayres. It is certainly exciting, but without Cutty, I believe that I report pass. - coat min. - I have a clear conscience. I told Robert you were important, and that some of you were customers. That we had promised something, that we had a moral obligation to you. Wait a minute. Will Cutty... - He will keep Syntonex themselves. For any nonsense. Say to Manchester that you recommended that Mr. Fallon kept away from it. I have not said. - Shut up, Frank. I do not do it, Donald. - Pull yourself together. Look up at page 1. Let's read it. Take it easy now. - "Syntonex economic overview". - Page 2 is better. The consolidated financial statements... Move ya ass, Bissel. What's wrong? Trouble in paradise? - What happened? - What happened? They accepted. I have a surprise. - Jesus! They accepted. We have collected a small gift. I hope Mr. Cutty smokes cigars. Si thanks for that, he saved our jobs. This is my favorite time of year. Dad gave me a train ticket in the Christmas present. One-way? He bought one for us each, and then we drove to the train. One year we ended up in Cleveland, that he had to resemble a fairytale. Do you still? - No, now I'm a light teeth every July It was a great story. - Orcs you another one? - Sure. Robert Cutty does not exist. - He's not fair. - I have known for weeks. What do you mean by "weeks"? Hans ideer lå der, og du fikk dem. - Why did not you say something? - When I got no more fine gifts! If you had to find a white man to get people to recognize you,... - it is my duty to keep life in the illusion and support you. Think that you have not said a word. You are something for yourself. Thanks. When I assume Syntonex need I assistant. Interested? Really? - Does that mean yes? It's a nice little dance. Great headline. Under the low point. - The Cutty should get out of the cage. - It is certainly one that can help us. I have a friend in the Finance Authority. - I put Eddie on Laurel. - Inkognito. - Great. Agent Thompkins? Frank Peterson here. You should hear what Cindy Mason 've written before the newspaper comes out. - Good morning, Sally. I'm going. You did me in a good mood so that I had to go and act. I bought something for you. Merry Christmas. Management Thomkins Finance Authority waiting for Mr. Cutty. Management Thomkins? Good day, I'm Laurel Ayres. Can I help? I want to speak with Mr. Cutty. - Just like the rest of the world. He is not here, but I will say that they have been here. Were not they together with Aesop Franklin on Donald Fallon party? - Jo. Is it forbidden? - Mr Cutty probably an explanation. Give him this. A subpoena? Should he witness because I'm in the newspaper with Franklin? He served on Syntonex shares. - He did not do anything illegal. There we find out when we meet. Working together, he does not we need to do a full investigation. Merry Christmas. This is totally insane. - Charlie are my only hope. Tell the truth. - Are you crazy? It is fraud. If I had just finished Syntonex- act, so I could drop the Cutty. - Including Santa Claus for us? Hold-up now. I've NOK in the head. I think he's following us. This is insane. - Out the door. This here. Hello, ladies. - What is it now? - A new look. That sounds wonderful out. It should be distinguished, rich, full power and man. This is interesting. - White. He must be white. - Shit! - This is crazy. - Do you have a better idea? - Charlie can do miracles. - I could use one. Take monster on and empty breasts for sand. I'll be right back. I hope that I'm getting so old. My name is Robert Cutty. - The voice should be deeper. My name is Robert Cutty. - Deeper. My name is Robert Cutty. - Deeper. I'm talking right down from the uterus. - Act more masculine. All right. I'm Bob Cutty. I bite you in the balls in the back seat of my car. I said, masculine, not morbid. Can I trick the Finance Authority now? - It is a miracle. I never go on stage with a new look before I've tried it. Tried it? Mr Cutty. Of course. He can get the best without reservation. Discretion? The Plaza hotel. - What about Cutty? - He will meet Finance Authority. - Hewlett-Packard is Right - If Fallon is. - Jacobson said it at dinner. - On the Plaza? - His favorite spot. - Good job, Frank. Mr Cutty is on the way. Do you want to check the King's Suite? Fresh flowers in the suite, even if you have to take them from other people. Our best champagne and caviar with the same. Out the door, Thomas. You take up entirely of Mr. Cutty. Just a moment. Our guests' privacy is sacred. Put me through to Levey the office. - Frank. You remember Walter, is not it? - Fallon sitting in Palm Haven. Camille? It's Thomas. Guess who's in town? Miss Mason? It is Frederick from the Plaza. He is on his way. Hello, my name is Robert Cutty. - Is that you, Mr. Cutty? - Hello, I'm Robert Cutty. - May I take your luggage? - I have no baggage. Do. Are all the flowers in place? Champagne and kaviaren? Can I take my coat? - No thanks. Welcome to the Plaza, Mr. Cutty. I am Frederick, head here. If there is anything I can do for you, you must finally call me. I want to up the room. - I have arranged everything personally. Have you heard of a Cutty? He's here. Robert Cutty, her? We may be able to get a meeting with him and end the act. Miss Ayres said that all costs was at her expense. - Excuse me, I am looking for Mr. Cutty. - Cutty... - Robert Cutty. - I will find out yourself. Can you help me? I seek Mr Cutty. Mr Cutty? ! - This is a private elevator. - Call me if you need anything. - Key, thanks. I do not say good night, because I know they come to heaven. Hey, Robert. It's me, Camille. Camille... - What have you come in? - I bribed a boy. - What do you want? - You were eager to meet me. Are you disappointed? - There must be. Not at all. You are so lovely. - You are a genius. Geniuses are delicious. - Do you think that I am a genius? I knew it when I saw Banff prospect. But Syntonex prospect made me to be silent. It was so insightful. The letters are all women's dream. - I know. Have a seat. - Robert... - keep his pants on. Camille. Oh, dear. It's La Perla underwear. - You are a man of the world. I want your genius. Fill me with your genius. What's wrong? " " I have cramps. I'll help you. Stop it! Is not that what you want? No. It should be a pretty and intelligent woman that you feel too good. Would you not make a career? Use your head. There is no one has said before. - What a surprise. I trembled. Keep around me. - You can do yourself. It's not down here that is important. It is up here. Think about it. And get your clothes on. I'm glad you would see me. What a man. I want to pay you, but tell me where Mr. Cutty live? - Is he alone? - I can unfortunately not tell. - What number does he live on? - Do not ask about such things. Mr Cutty? It's confidential... Oh, God... men's room Excuse me, Mr. Cutty... I'm Frank Peterson from Manchester Investment Company. Walter Manchester and I eat along with Donald Fallon tonight. I gotta go. - Wait, Mr. Cutty. Damn! do not know what Laurel Ayres tell you about me, but I... Come to my car. - Solo They already? - Idiot! Cutty escape! - Mr Cutty car! Do you see him? Robert Cutty? Donald Fallon. Right from the ashes of the fire. Taxi! The press treats you like a rock star. A cigar? I was on my way to a business noon where you were the main topic. I met Peterson in the toilet. - Can we talk man to man? - Man to man. It suits me. - HP lets not Syntonex. With you at the helm, it is understandable. - Syntonex is Laurels children. If she wants a child, she must find a husband. Are you poor? " " I have bad taste in the mouth. - Is it from Cuba? - No, from the Dominican Republic. The shit I do not smoke. - I apologize for it. - Imagine that you would give me something like that. - Frank has prepared a proposal. Take Laurel to work, then accept the one confession. She gets a lesson and a conditional dom. Authorization her blows. - You are free. - It was a great deal. She gets a little money, and we win. - Run to the side. It's okay if you do not like the agreement. Get Finance Authority to drop the case, so we forget the rest. Nice to meet you. - Syntonex need you. Think about it. Next time you get one from Cuba. Shit that he reminded me of Brando. What do you do, Mr. Cutty? Follow him. Inn on the page. Stop. Turn off the engine. We are here for a while. Good, Cutty. You will die. You should... die. It's absolutely crazy. - Laurel went in, but did not come out. I was at closing time. - Cutty arrived at Plaza went to Laurel, and never came out again. I was there all night. Laurel closed not up this morning. What is it? - What is it? - Nothing. They knew they were shadowed, and relax from you. We should look after ourselves. - Merry Christmas. - I love you, you bastard. Even when I'm the perfect man, he sticks the knife in his back on me. Do you want to talk about it? - No! I want to kill him. You got a problem. How will you kill one that does not exist? He can not meet Finance Authority if he is dead. This is the best gift you have given me. It's great. ...the wreck of the boat was found at Albania. All are presumed dead. Oh, my God... - What? Mr Cutty was with the boat. - Stop... - Hallo... He was on board. - Cutty and ship owner were friends! Now he's dead. - Oh! It's perfect. Do you have a black dress? So bring it on you! He was the sweetest and kindest man I have met. He was the best thing that has happened to me. I am completely devastated over that he is finished as fish food, and that his body never being found. They've rescued all on board. Mr Cutty was not. It's a miracle! Did you see an inscription in it? "Dear Robert, lets continue". Who is Jane? - A, he failed in his quest. Now the power on. - Mr Cutty missing a foot. This is more realistic. - Should we not take out the hook? Just do it. - What? - He moved. Is not this wrong of us? - Hook? It's drastic to kill him. - Not worse than to create him. I've found it. - Just throw it in there. - Should I loosen the handbrake? - Do it. That's... Goodbye, Mr. Cutty. I'll miss him. It exploded not. - What do we do now? - I do not know. Let's not let it stand for? - How will we explain it? We can not go down there. It only takes a break. cars explode, or so they do not. Votes not it? Are you okay? - Yes, it is now. Well, we do not live by it. - That you can say. We'll handle together and driving home. - We drove in the car. I thought you were more efficient. "We blew it in the air! Cutty died in car accident Cutty customers leave Social Studies It's Christmas Eve. Stock Exchange closes about an hour. You must wait. Laurel Ayres? It's the police. Something wrong? Who are you? You are under arrest for the murder of Robert Cutty. Is this a joke? Look out. I've just been to the hairdresser. Can not we get this from? I'll light a candle for my father. So sweet. Tell the truth, so we save time. You'll die of laughter when I tell you the story. Are you ready? I could not have killed Robert Cutty, because he does not exist. If he does not exist, who is this then? It's me. I am dressed as Cutty. Good picture! Explain me this. First, let you, as if it were a Cutty. So did you like you were Cutty. So did you like you killed him. He got credit for everything. I saved a company. They gave him a box cigars. "It hurt you. You felt like a zero, and it would not change if he was there. So you killed him? - Yes. I blew him into the air. How did you feel then? - Great. Thank you. Wait a minute. I have seen Kojak, and you know what you just did. Call my secretary, Sally Dugan. She was an accomplice. Not guilty. She was a member. She helped me. She can tell you everything you want to know. Sally Dugan. We're going to do it. - What happened? - They arrested me for Christmas dinner. They do not believe in you either. - I is an accomplice. I'm very sorry. - It is not your fault. It's Cutty again. Are you all right? - Yes, but I have to pee. - Is there a toilet here? - Have you seen it? It's absolutely terrible. Time can be incredibly long. Frank... I'm almost done with the tree. I am in proper Christmas spirit. I'm going in a moment. - I have extracted your gift. I'm freezing. - Just keep nuts warm. Santa Claus here ensures that there is a great July And a fabulous New Year. Frank answers all questions. Robert called to make the meeting. On the road the car was his abduction. He was attacked and losing both time and wallet. I do not know if there were witnesses. Biltjuven had enemies themselves. Mr Cutty's fine. It is of course shocked. He wanted to get away from New York. He rang, and flew to Europe. Cutty is alive. The mysterious man from Wall Street was abducted. They release me. - I'll call you. The allegations against you are dropped. The man does not exist. We have a sworn statement of Peterson that Cutty is alive. He's on holiday in southern France. I thought she would be happy. Do not do this, Laurel. Be nice now. There's been three days, it is unsound. Finance Authority has acquitted Robert Cutty for insider trading. then announced Walter Manchester, he's mergers with Cutty. Frank Peterson is appointed to director. It's Sally. I have called 12 times. Take the phone. We are concerned for you all. Stop it now. Take the phone... Finance Authority has meddeltat they have forfeit Laurel Ayres authorization she is Robert Cutty previous companion. An investigation... We're talking with pregnant women who have been deserted by the children's fathers. When you give birth? - Ijuli. - You know Mr. Cutty he will be the father? - He does not ring back. I love Robert Cutty, and I want to just talking to him about our son. Talk to either of your virgin birth. Do not he talk to you Get the bastard to court Close up, Laurel. I'm sorry, but we'll have to break us up. Thank you, Mrs. Cupchick. Now I can rest. What a mess. Are you crazy? - Go away! The door is smashed. You've been busy. You run all the madness. We're concerned for you. Tell him I have a good time here with my tv and the people who come with food. Get out. So sad that they take the building your father struggled for. Hold my father outside. - You do not even lit a candle this year? We put in this year, right? - You do not do it now. Get up and spark the light. Get up, get dressed and go out. Come on. Get up! . Do not fight it. We go over and light a candle. Go with you! - Ugh! You have bad breath. Thank you, Sally. - What do we do? I'm going home and to bed. We're going to talk about the future. - I'm done. Frank has Cutty. Cheer up. Frank has Cutty, so what? Good that we got rid of him. - You 're right. - You will like this. Peabody Club lets Cutty join. And they appoint him to the "Business Man of the Year". No one has had a year as Cutty. - It was my year! - name should be there. - Yes, it should. It celebrates the safe with a dinner with a chicken right and fruit salad. - Frank will receive the prize. - How is it possible? He's my promotion and Cutty. - Has he Cutty, he has you. Yes. Because... I am Cutty. You know what? - Turn on the thread. - I will. Thank you. We wish the club's new members welcome and honored him with the award: "This year's business man. " Excuse me, Miss Mason. Excuse me, ladies. I have unfortunately just found out that Robert Cutty not participate in the evening. There's typhoon in Hong Kong and the plane of his were not allowed to light. Bob is very disappointed. He asked me to apologize and said, many thanks for the welcome to the club. And thanks for the price. On behalf of my friend, Robert Cutty, I accept it on... Mr Cutty is here. - No, he is not. I thank the... - Cutty is here. - It is not true. - This release can not escape. - Want a bet? - You continue to smoke cheap cigars. - Nice to see you. Just be, Frank. Without you I was not here tonight. Gentlemen. I rented a Concorde typhoon struck and the finish line. There is some good to be interested in an exclusive club,... it makes one feel good. You know me not, but accepted the me as one of their own. Amazing. My work spoke for itself himself, and I am "This year's business man. " But to quote Gaucho Marx: "I will not belong to a club who wants me as a member. " We should encourage the young people, therefore I share the prize with this young man. He has been a source of inspiration. Oh, God! - Now I understand. You know what, gentlemen? There's something about the exclusivity. The word exclusive, means "to exclude". That's it that would happen to me. I accepted the rules of the game. I worked hard and honestly. But I knew that I had the right image for this club - and that I would never get it. An image is something funny. Under the right imagen it may be one who is wrong. And the one who is wrong we have the right Robert Cutty. It could be him serving coffee or light his cigar. A boy or waiter. You never know. I want to wish you the happiness getting me into the club that the first woman ever. Thank you. Well done, Laurel. We have lunch next week. - You were fantastic, Laurel. - We did it. I thought that one should be mischievous in the business world... Men always hurt them they love most. I have examined my soul. I feel reborn. Liberated. I have come in contact with my feminine side. I am ready to change my the caring... Can I prove it? This is fantastic. Unbelievable that people can change. I know my partner NOK to know that she will be kjempesur. Very impressive. Nice work, Walter. It was Frank and Laurel's show. I'm here to make you feel important. Don't listen to him, Carl. Everything coming from this company has his stamp. We do the grunt work. - I didn't grunt once. It's amazing, I'm making money and I don't even understand what Fusionics does. - It changes the way you use energy. Is that so? Reader's Digest just ran an article on it. What a kidder! Science Digest. Look at the time. We're going to be late for a meeting. Keep up the good work, you two. Quite a team. Reader's Digest, Frank! - Without your comment, they wouldn't have noticed. If you'd read the material I give you, we wouldn't have to worry. - Laurel, I have a life. I know something and I'm not telling. - I can make you tell. You've got to be a whole lot nicer to me. - Not really. See, watch. That was nice. All right, here it is. CW is being moved up to senior VP. Meaning the standard for VP has dropped dramatically. That too. Now there's a VP spot opening. Who's next in line? Who? - You know. - Just say it. You baby. You've got seniority and, thanks to me, the most kills. If we kill tonight, you're in. Come on, we've got to go in 2 minutes. Don't be late. Sally! 2 minutes. - Alright. Harry, you've got those proposals for me? Your promotion will get me more respect in Xerox. - 2 minutes. Oh wow! Tie emergency. These clouds, this new age thing is going to render people mute. Why did you pick it? - It was a present from Carl Bode. He wouldn't even notice. Save me. Harry, those proposals. - 30 seconds. Proposals. - Thank you. And the magazine article? - You doubt Harry? Metals, depletion's of resources, soaring costs of mining. The iron ore made me weep. Okay, thanks Sweetie. Sweetie. We're late. You're wearing that? - Yes. What are you, Mr. Blackwell? I can't run home just to change. - Never mind. It's dark there. Dark? In the Huntley Club? - We're not going there. We're going some place much hipper. - Fine, as long as it's quiet. Don't worry, Mom. You're just satisfying your need for raw material. With recon Recycling you'll cut that need 30 percent, saving 13 million annually. I say, 13 million annually. How does she do it? - I'm in love. Yeah, I want to have her baby. What's the payback period? 16 months. Look on page 6. - You need numbers? This deal's approved by Frank Peterson and you need numbers? Holy shit, look at that! Here you go. What's this? I'm giving the clients what they want. - You think Sandy wants this? Trust me, it's nothing new. See? Another round here. Do you like her breasts? - What? I might have mine done. Why? - Why not? it helps. At an important meeting, show some cleavage and see the difference. Will you excuse me? We need to talk. - Now? - Now. How can we do business here with them throwing money at a naked lady? This is business. We're male-bonding like crazy. It's time to go. Now. Come on. You did your job, and very well, I might add. Go home. it's a done deal. - We haven't closed yet. They're flying to Chicago tomorrow. - We'll do it on the phone. - When? In the morning. - Frank, I want to close this tonight. Okay fine. Go over there and tell them it's time to go back to work. Fine. - No. Don't do that. Just go home. You killed them. They loved you. I love you. - You're drunk. Go home. Celebrate with someone. What's wrong? Coming through. Coming through. Coming through. Morning, Sally. - Morning, Ms. Ayres. - Frank in yet? - Since 8 o'clock. Am I late? - I wouldn't say that, Ms. Ayres. Where is he? At a staff meeting. - A staff meeting? The one Manchester called for 8:15 Anyway, they kept playing hard to get. Typical dog and pony show. They're concerned about recon's debt and payback period. Masters of the obvious. I work them, I work them. I hack away at their concern, then at 3 in the morning, I close it. Hell of a score, Frank. Well done. - Of course, Laurel made it possible. - Atta girl, Laurel. Way to share the praise, Frank. With a kill like this, all can profit. You told me to close my deal on the phone. - Our deal. They liked it so much that they wanted to present it to the board right away. This is a big win for us. For you. For your promotion. You killed. Manchester was eating it up. What are we fighting about? We should celebrate. What are you doing for lunch? - Nothing. Great. Manchester asked us to buy Anton Schuler's wedding gift. We'll get it afterward. Wait. Damn it! I already have a lunch. It's too late to cancel. What do I know about gifts? Take Sally with you. She has taste. Just send Sally and I can work. Sally can't use the company card. - If you don't wish me to go ... Nonsense. Women love shopping together. Sally knows Manchester's tastes. We all want him to be happy. Right? Thanks, Sweetie. That's it. You go have lunch, I'll go to the office. - I eat at the office. Do you want to walk together? We'll grab a cab. My treat. Sorry, Ms. Ayres, I forgot my place. Get a cab. I'll walk. - What? I see how you look at me, when you look at me. Like the ghost of Christmas past. - Has Frank finally driven you nuts? He's a jerk. I can deal with that. But you treat me like a relic. Me? - Like a secretary. Like a career secretary. I'm good at what I do. The women's movement didn't make it down to Wall Street. Affirmative action didn't help me. - It wasn't supposed to. And so you're clear, I got here by talent and hard work. Ms. Ayres, would you come with me? I want to show you something. It won't take long. Just one minute. Let me show you. So? He's at lunch with Manchester. I could have had lunch with Manchester. Why wasn't I invited to that lunch? So much for ,'time's changing." You! I trained you and get promoted. You got screwed. But that shouldn't change things between us. Look, even though I'm your boss, you should think of us as a team. Should I move my desk? The sun hits me all afternoon here. What? Sally! I'm in a meeting! How about some privacy? I went to the mat for you. Manchester had already decided. So I should scream at Manchester? - He's flying to London. - Convenient. And confidentially, he thinks that women who get passed over exhibit negative attitude. Then why do the men who get passed over turn up with an Uzi? I'm your friend. - You are not. Friends don't do this to each other. You're a low-life, brain-sucking pig that would sell his mother up the river to get a deal. A VP has to be a closer. How? I work and you take the credit. - I hope you've got PMS. Baby, if I did, you'd be dead. Can you handle the truth? - Can you tell the truth? You would never make VP. It sucks, but that's how it is. You're better off working for me. I can protect you. Frank, as my new boss, let me tell you first: I quit. It's cold out there. Hi gorgeous. - Color you Barbara! It's the new me. Fabulous, hey? - Like butter. My Babes is making twice as many tips as when I did Marilyn or Judy. May they rest in peace. By the way, your rent check for July and August. I owe you for September and October. It's November now. - You would have to rain on my parade. God, how the months mount up. But Barbara never ages. Well, girlfriend, I'm late for the midnight show. 'Night, Mrs. Cupchick. Goodnight, Barbara. - Just talk amongst yourselves, girls. You're home late. I had a great day, so don't ruin it for me. - Career women! When you come home to an empty home, what do you really have? Independence. - It's overrated. I'm going to make some cocoa and you're not invited. I'll be up in 5 minutes. Have the little marshmallows I like. 150,000? That's an ambitious start. - Here's a prospectus for you with the start up costs, the overheard, projected business profits ... Are you currently employed? If I was, I wouldn't have the time to start up a business, would I? Do you have any assets? I have drive, courage, and ambition. If you look at the prospectus, you'll see a very sound business mind, too. I'm talking stocks, bonds, property. We're starting to sound a little like a Men's Bank now. Oh, as the Women's Bank, we should ignore standard banking practices and give you this unsecured loan because you're the right gender. Well, it would send a message. Right, that women can't run a bank. Touché. - We have depositors to protect just like the boy banks. I'm sorry. We must have collateral. I have a 6-unit apartment building that my father left to me. Ms. Ayres, I admire you courage, but are you sure? No, but my father took a chance buying it and I'm sure he'd like me to take a chance on this. Alright. I'll draw up the papers. Thank you. Hi, Lisa. it's Laurel Ayres. I've got my own firm, Laurel Ayres investments. Is Mr. Anderson in? We were very excited, but the West Coast partners weren't. Sorry. No, I'm no longer with Manchester. I've got my own place now. Ayres investments. Is Mr. Johnson in? Hell of a piece of work, Laurel. I was impressed but my partner wasn't. I didn't know you had a partner. - My wife. No head for business, but she owns it all. And she's wild in the sack. You just had to read it. What's in it for you? How about 2 tickets to the Ranger-Detroit game? The one that's sold out. I happen to have tickets. Yes, if you let me read you the proposal during the game. The payments are tax deferred. You'll have a 19.5 percent return. Sounds good, Laurel. My partners won't leave Manchester. No, thanks. I understand. Did you look at it? I'm sure ... No, but if I could ... No. I understand. No, what can you do with a partner like that? Alright. Thank you. Ms. Ayres. Come in. What are you doing here? Frank got your announcement. What did he say? - Oh, he ... Nothing. He just laughed. Oh this is beautiful. My gosh. Just beautiful. - So, did Frank send you to spy on me? - No, I wouldn't ... I just came hoping you might ... No, I wanted to see how you were doing. - Fabulous. I don't even have time to take my hair down. - Great. It does that all day, all day. I'll let the machine get it. I can do this. No, you don't need to. - Don't worry. Ayres investment. Mr. Carl Bode? I'm sorry, she's in a meeting. One moment, she's coming out now. Ms. Ayres? Carl! You got it? What did you think? Great. And you loved it? That's why I sent it to you. I said who can I send this to? Carl Bode! Is it ... Can I talk to them? I don't mind taking a meeting. Oh well, I understand. It's fine. Yeah, no. I understand. Yeah. Bye-bye. Isn't it funny that all the businessmen in this city have partners that hate everything that they love? isn't it amusing? I'm kidding myself. They don't have partners. They're brushing me off. Sal, would you mind calling Frank and telling him I'd like my old job back? Sure, sure. In the meantime you can just set your head on fire. Who are you calling? - Mr. Donald Fallon. Fallon industries. He's not going to see me. Hello, Betty? Hi, Betty, it's Sally Dugan. I heard you were great on the lanes. Oh great! Betty, I need a favor if you could manage. Could you put Laurel Ayres on Mr. Fallon's calendar? He's booked for a month? - Duh! If you could do that for me, it would be really great. Monday night. We'll take it. Monday's great. Yeah, I'll see you on the lanes. Owe you a coke. Bye-bye, Betty. Okay, you're in. The rest is up to you. Go get 'em. I gotta take a leak. - Alright boys, 5 minute break. You just can't lose. You've got a full deck up your sleeve. Bissel, an orange juice and soda. - Yes, Mr. Fallon. I'm Laurel Ayres. - You're Laurel Ayres? This is Laurel Ayres. - I didn't set up the meeting. He's a control freak. That's why he's so good. I have a prospectus here for you. Give it to Bissel. He'll give it to the partners. Nice meeting you. No. No? - No. No partners. it's for your eyes only. All proposals go through the partners. - They never read them. Are you brushing me off? Yes, and I thought I was nice. To be honest, I thought Laurel Ayres was a firm. Two guys. I thought I was meeting Mr. Laurel and Mr. Ayres. Oh, the losers are going in. I have join them. I'm sorry. - You are meeting 2 guys. Well, I'm not a guy but my partner is and there are two of us. If it's so important, where's he now? Away, in Asia at the Asian Economic Summit, where he's a guest speaker. You trying to impress me? That's good. What's his name? Yes, his name. They give them to babies, don't they? Of course. To him, too. - Come on, Donald. I'm coming. By the way, I accept credit cards. Cutty. It's his name. First name Robert, middle initial 'S', last name Cutty. My partner, Robert S. Cutty. - Never heard of him. Well he's heard of you. He's concerned about one of your companies, Banff Refrigeration. It's doing fine. - Until 1998, when the CFC ban goes into effect. Ban? - You'll have to convert. But he knows a company with a device that makes it unnecessary. It would save you millions. But you're not interested. - Wait! I am interested. Let me see it. - No. - What, no? Let me see it. No! - Yes. Hand it over. - Alright! I'll read it carefully. If it's any good, you'll hear from me. Alright. Thanks. Damn that strange woman. Bissel! Move your ass. Any you boys heard of this guy Cutty? Who's there? Ashley? This is Laurel. I want to talk to Sally. Frank's assistant. What, you are? Where's Sally? She's Harry's assistant? Harry is an assistant. Don't take that tone with me. Yes, I do know the extension. Goodbye. Harry. I don't believe Harry got my old job. Mrs. Cutty? A note for Mr. Cutty. - You've got the wrong address. From Mr. Fallon. He's in the bathroom. I'll take that. Thank you. Hi, I'm here to see Mr. Fallon. Impossible. - No, it's not. My name is Laurel Ayres. I have an appointment. The only guest Mr. Fallon has listed is Mr. Cutty. He's my partner. I'll tell him he's not coming. - Ms. Ayres. This is the Peabody Club. I'll see if Mr. Fallon wishes to come out. Women aren't allowed past the lobby. Just for the last 150 years. We couldn't get this far until 1989. Camille Scott, Mr. Fallon's personal broker. Camille, you look incredible. - I knew I would be seeing you. Nice to see you, but where's Mr. Cutty? Stuck in a meeting. - More important than this? - Call him and tell him he's got 5 minutes. - I can't do that. It's not that he's in a meeting, meeting. Really? The fact of the matter is ... I can't ... Stop. I don't jerk people around. I want to do business with Mr. Cutty. Even though I'm under no obligation, I'm giving him a full commission. This means you ... - Bought the entire company. You tell Mr. Cutty to be at my office at 9 am tomorrow. I ... look ... I don't want to lie to you. He doesn't really ... He's not ... - Tell him that Donald Fallon doesn't do business with people he's never met. But, Mr. Fallon, you just did. Thank you. Damn. Okay, Mr. Cutty, time to bring you to life. Nice. Mr. Cutty. Date of birth? October 29, 1929 is perfect. Black Thursday. A financial world crashes, a new savior is born. I really like you, Mr. Cutty. 67, so where have you been all this time? You should have retired. Living in Switzerland. You made a fortune and then you left. Now you're back. Where are you? At the Plaza. Such good taste. Oh yes, jock, because you play polo. You're a big game hunter, because you're such a man. What about your wife? Married? Widower? No. We'd have to dig up the wife. Never married. Just 67, so why ... He's searching for one true love. But he hasn't found it yet. Not the stuff of a business partner but he's a bit different. That's cool. Net worth? They want to know everything. What's your net worth, Mr. Cutty? Unknown. Cup of coffee, Mr. Cutty? You look a little pale. Caucasian I got you a present. As a thanks for the Fallon meeting. He bought the proposal. Now I've got offices, a new partner. Stationery. - A partner? It's no big deal. You didn't have to do this. Thank you. Thanks. If there's ever anything I could do for you, just call. And thanks again. I need a job. - What? You have one already. It's a dead-end job. You and your partner need an assistant. If the company grows, there's room for advancement. - You know, my partner does all the hiring. Set up a meeting for me. That's kind of difficult. Why? He's got somebody he wants to work with and I don't want to step on his feet. - You, of all people! What do you mean? What? - I want you, but my partner doesn't. That's not a brush off. It's a little one. Why do you want to work for us? We're a tiny company. - Gosh, I've watched you for 5 years. I know how you work. No one's like you. You're so good. And you don't know this, but there's nobody better than me. We don't have much money. I'll take it. Okay, you're hired. Wait until you see Mr. Cutty's office. - My gosh. - Put your stuff down. Not really my taste, but what's a girl to do? It's so beautiful. It's so beautiful. - I'll tell him. And the fireplace. My. Did he shoot that rhino? It's possible. He travels so much and brings lots back. My gosh, he knows all those famous people? Enough to open a deli. I can't wait to see your office. My office? Well, I don't exactly have one per se. So I'll just be using this one. There's only one desk. Is there a problem? - No problem. it's just ... It's beautiful. How did you meet him? Who? Mr. Cutty. He read one of my proposals. - How did he get it? I don't know. He got it from somebody. He made some amazing changes and we worked on it over the weekend. I like the name Cutty. it's strong. Yeah, better than Wild Turkey. I thought I saw somebody. No, it's him. Aesop Franklin. Seriously, his name is Aesop? What's he do? Don't you read Omni magazine? He's only the CEO of Syntonex. Here he comes. What's he doing here? Don't look. He's a CEO? - He started a software business in his basement. He should get out more. Mr. Jacobson, I'm sorry I'm late. I looked in and didn't think this would be the place ... Get your coat. The food hasn't come. - It doesn't matter. We haven't eaten yet. - Get your coat on. Come on. Did we ... Put it on! What do you want? - Don't you get it? Aesop Franklin and Randall Jacobson! The president of Hewlett Packard's PC division. - So? Do you know what it means? Hewlett Packard is taking over Syntonex. How do you know that? - Look where they're meeting. So? - Someplace where no one is going to see them. We saw them. - Yes, we did. We saw them. - Yes, we saw them. So who do I tell? Someone who'll blab, someone with a big ... Oh, I know who. You can trust me, Laurel. Discretion is my creed. It's written all over you. Let's face it, men like doing business with men. - That's right. But they want to sleep with us. That's our power. Why doesn't Cutty buy the stock himself? - Personal reasons. I should meet with him first, and see what he likes. To be perfectly honest, he really likes Syntonex. Syntonex? That stock is in free-fall. Their marketing and distribution are a joke and they're way in debt. It'd be a miracle if the stock moved up. - Mr. Cutty likes miracles. I trust this will remain between us? - Laurel, I'm a professional. I know. Syntonex stock is still climbing. - I read the papers. What about Cutty? - I had to dig but I did find this file here. Give it to me inside. Everything okay out there? - Yes, thanks. Ms. Ayres, when can I meet Mr. Cutty? Probably never. Never? - Not never ever, just not ever. He's a real globetrotter. Doesn't he ever trot to New York? Of course. He just left. But, with faxes and phones, why bother? Mr. Fallon! Good morning, Ms. Ayres. - Nice to see you again. Is Cutty in? - He's never in. - This early. He's never in this early. Sally, you can go. - My desk is here. - Of course. It's where ... Come with me into Mr. Cutty's office. - Thank you. Congratulations on Syntonex. - You weren't supposed to tell anyone. You know how this town is. - I'm learning. Why didn't he tell his friends? - His friends are also his clients. And you're still with Manchester. He knows Barbara Streisand? - They dated. By the way, Mr. Cutty wants you to sell his Syntonex shares at 54. 54? Most analysts predict it will peak in the 60s. Mr. Cutty isn't like most analysts, is he? Ms. Ayres. - Yes? I'm ready to throw a lot of money Cutty's way, my money. He just needs to meet with us. We spoke about it. it's not possible. However, I could cancel my 10 am. I just might fly down to Florida and crash his meeting with Harley Mason. You know about it? - Harley called me to gloat. Not for long. Mr. Cutty can't make that meeting either. I'm in charge. - Really? What's your handicap? I don't play golf. - Harley goes to Florida to play golf. He only talks business on the back 9. Have Cutty call me. Have a nice trip. Come on, Bissel, move your ass. I'll take this one. At the back 9, you disappear. I want to speak to Cutty alone. Mr. Mason. Laurel Ayres, Mr. Cutty's partner. Unfortunately he's been tied up in Bangkok, but he did send a replacement. You? I'm the queen of the windmill hole. I do that well, but ... Johnny. Johnny Miller! - Mind if I tag along? Hell no. And I won't even mention how much I lost when you won at Pebble Beach in 1994. - Sorry about that. Let me win a few holes so I can brag a little later. You boys have a good time. We'll talk about the proposal later. Ms. Ayres, consider it sold. No? - You tell Robert Cutty that he's in a class by himself. Ain't he though? Get going. Johnny's waiting. Hit a couple of them for me. Oops, excuse me. Donald, you're a friend and I must warn you. Nobody knows who this Cutty is. He bought Syntonex before it went up and sold it, one point before it went down. Now he has Harley Mason. Lucky shot. Look who he chose for a partner. I fired her! I wouldn't spread it around. Sorry, Walter. That's how the cookie crumbles. If Donald Fallon leaves, others will follow. Get something on Cutty or get us into bed with him. The buzz from Wall Street: move over Dean Witter, step aside Walter Manchester. There's a new bull in town and his name is Robert Cutty. Cindy Mason, the New York Post. Thank you for your faith. Mr. Cutty won't let you down. When will he contact us? - Probably never. He only calls when something goes wrong. No one ever hears from him. I see. Thank you, Laurel. Gentlemen. So tired ... You can't relax quite yet. 3 more Cindy Mason readers are due in a half hour. Alright, I'll have to get out the box. The box? The one with all my great ideas that Manchester hated. Oh, that box. I got rid of it. It was so cluttered in the closet. - You what? I got rid of it. - Go get it. It's in the garbage. - You throw away my box with all the great ideas that Cutty and I loved and Manchester hated? I put it all in here. - What? All your files are in a program that I designed. it's cataloged, categorized, cross-categorized, indexed, and referenced. The box is in here? - Yes. This is great. Who knew you had it in you? - I did. You were wasted on Frank. - Yes. Cutty Ayres. One moment, Miss Scott. It's that woman for Mr. Cutty. Laurel, I wanted to speak with Robert. You missed him. He was in Washington. Now he's off to the Pope. The Pope depends on his advice. Really? I wanted to thank him for the flowers. - He sent you flowers? You didn't know? - No. I can't know everything that goes on here. What, Sally? Wait. I'm sorry, I've got to go. Robert's on the other other line ... Tell him I'm on the line. - Bye-bye. That woman! This is fabulous. Incredible. It's amazing. You're a find! Would you tell Mr. Cutty? - Yes, sure. Pope. Mr. Carter? Frank Peterson from Manchester Investments. I understand. I'll get to the point. Robert Cutty. I was wondering if you've had any contact with him abroad. His company is small. I can't find anyone who has met him. He's very weird. Eccentric. He won't take meetings. C-U-T-T-Y. I think it's spelled like the Scotch. His phone number? I understand you have a reservation. It will be at least 20 minutes. It's just a fad. Cutty will crash and take his clients with him. Excuse me. I'm here with Donald Trump. How long is it going to be? I have checks on two tables. Ms. Ayres. How nice to see you. Mr. Cutty's usual table. Sorry, Frank. I'm going to crash and burn with Cutty. Call me. Hello, welcome aboard. Please fasten your seat belt. Aesop Franklin, right? How was your stockholders' meeting at Hewlett Packard? Do I know you? - No. Laurel Ayres with Cutty Ayres investments. We talk about you often. You need some investment counseling. I don't understand ... You're selling your company. You can't put all that money in a savings account. - There's the misunderstanding. There's no money. Just a job. What, no money? You do this for a lousy job? The job's not lousy, the deal's lousy. - Why are you doing it? I have to. - You have to? Syntonex is ... bankrupt. Bankrupt. The only way to save it is to give it away. You can't just give away a company. Imagine that you have a company and you really love it. It's your whole life. Right? But your company is dying. There may be another way to save it. I know someone you should talk to. Robert Cutty. - Robert Cutty? Who are you? - Laurel Ayres. - Laurel, I'm Aesop ... Franklin. - Yeah. - Page 15. - Robert Cutty. If anybody can save it, he can. Sally, I'm back. - Welcome, welcome. Sally, Aesop. Aesop, Sally. Hello. I wanted to go home, but ... - Cutty's going to save his company. Did any files arrive for me today? - I think so. On your desk. - Very good, thank you. Come on. These are your files? - It's a mess, huh? Anything alive in there? - Hopeless, I know. I can't run a company. I can't even run a bath. What if Hewlett Packard finds out? I'll lose everything. Aesop, sit down. Sit down? - Sit! Sally, come for a second. I have a challenge for your program. Will it be a problem? No problem. - Really? - Maybe a little one. That envelop on top, you have to RSVP by this evening. Mr. Fallon invites you and Mr. Cutty to his Thanksgiving charity ball. It's black tie. Unless you're a pilgrim. Everybody in the financial world will be there. Good. Very good. Aesop! If you come as my date, you can meet the movers and shakers. Okay, I love black tie parties. Even I look good. I'm sure you do. Alrighty then. Thank you, Sally. No business like show business. So girlfriend, what look this time? I don't know, Charlie. All those big wigs from Wall Street are there. The slut look never failed. - I have to look intelligent, too. I'm representing Robert Cutty. Slutty, yet intelligent. News anchor. Now this is giving thanks. Don't leave me alone with all them. - You're crushing my hand. Shall we go in? Are you alright? A very profitable merger. Arigato. Ms. Ayres. Excuse me. My money was never in prettier hands. - And had a better rate of return. Cutty is amazing. No doubt. The governor knows him from Wharton. He's never mentioned it. Where is Robert? He wrote me saying he was coming. He's stuck in Bangladesh, so he won't be here, but I've got someone equally brilliant. Aesop Franklin, CEO of Syntonex. Not any more. Congratulations on the sale. Mr. Cutty may end up disappointing Hewlett Packard. I'm intrigued. Camille, get Mr. Franklin a drink. I love your tux. - Laurel. Go ahead. Tell me more. - Robert seems to think that if left independent Syntonex can be a money machine. He knows about the mess it's in? - He's fixed worse ones. Cutty is going to reorganize it? Personally? - And oversee it's management. He's that sure? He's putting his own money in, until he finds a few, select investors. I'll talk to a few people. I'll be back. - I know you will. Laurel Ayres? Cindy Mason, I write a little column. I loved what you wrote about Mr. Cutty. Thank you. Thanks. I'm flattered. I'd love to write your fascinating story. Really? Now I'm flattered. A young woman starts at the bottom and stays there only to wind up the partner of the most-talked about man on Wall Street. Sounds like fiction. - The best stories always do. When I tell them. Of course, I'd have to talk to Mr. Cutty, in person. To tell my story? A perfect arrangement, isn't it? - Not so perfect. Mr. Cutty doesn't speak to the press. Nice to meet you. - Laurel, it doesn't pay not to talk to Cindy. I like your do. - Do you? I do, too. I'm a little shy, so don't leave me alone. Wow, Laurel! You look great. What happened? It happens to women who leave bad relationships. - Come on. Let's be friends. Dance with me. I've got news for you. And I'm not saying anything, unless we can dance. Dance faster, you make my skin crawl. - I've missed your sense of humor. Here it is. Manchester wants you back. Really? Did they discover that your ideas were actually mine? He respects you. Always has. He wants you to be senior VP. - VP? Senior? You'd be one of the highest-ranking women in business. And your boss, Frank. I'd move up, too. Just think, Manchester and Cutty together. We'd own Wall Street. Forget it, baby. Manchester doesn't get Cutty or me. If it's not Manchester, it'll be someone else. Everyone wants Cutty. And without him, you're nothing. You know, Frank, I can afford to have you killed. Is that a no? Should we check your portfolio? - Don't you dare! Did you know about this Interlink software? It's revolutionary. - We know. Check this out. Laurel, we have to meet Cutty on this. In person. Robert Cutty, in person. You get it? - I'll try. He's not into personal meetings. I'll do my best. That's not enough. All I want is when and where. I'll call him and see what I can do. Then I'll call you. Have you seen the paper? This Cindy Mason. This trash. The cow didn't even mention me. - Is it true about the affairs? I thought Mr. Cutty was searching for true love. He's a man. That's how they search. - Something happen yesterday? - To me? What could have happened? Nobody wanted me, only Cutty. The guy is a pain in my behind. I regret the day I ever made him up, him a part of my life. As if I had nothing to do with Cutty Ayres. Like I didn't exist. Okay, let's go back 2 months. Yes, 2 months B.C. B.C.? Before Cutty. You don't have enough to do, do you? Before Cutty, you had no job, no prospects, and a big debt. Minor details. - Even you call him a genius. He's as elusive as Howard Hughes, and you give him all the credit. So he gets a little respect. - You got what you wanted. Thank you. - Now what's this secret Cutty meeting? - You don't want to know. CNN called, The Times called. Cindy Mason offered me $1000 for the location. - Cindy Mason offered you $1000 for the location? Yeah. Call her and tell her you'll take it. What? Take her money and the money from everyone else, too! What are you planning? I'm going to prepare a whammy. What's with Cutty? - My feet are killing me. If that camera touches my hair again, you'll be sending from your bowels. Hello darling, how are you? I thought it was secret. - So did I. The door's locked. - Robert, please! Come on. It's him. They're here for you, Robert. Robert! Leave him alone! You should know better, Cindy! - Oh please! Who does Cutty think he is, standing us up like this? Preposterous. I thought we'd see him finally. - A waste of time. Somehow the press found out. He couldn't come through that throng. How can he run a company? You wanted Mr. Cutty - He's right here. His ideas are right in front of you. Thank you. I'm sure it's fascinating, but Frank's right. Without Cutty I'm going to have to pass. - I agree. Bissel, my coat. - I tried. My conscience is clear. What? I told Robert, these are important men. Some are clients. We made promises. We have a moral obligation to them. Wait. You mean that Cutty ... He ran the numbers and wants to keep Syntonex for himself. I'm sorry. This is bullshit. Yeah. Tell Mr. Manchester that you told Mr. Fallon not to do this. Mr. Fallon, I didn't say that. - Shut up, Frank. Just calm yourself. I don't want you to ... Control yourself. Gentlemen, turn to page 1. Let's begin to read. Donald, I'm so sorry. - It's alright. Syntonex consolidated financial ... Page 2 is better. - Page 2. Come on, Bissel. Move you ass. Problems, Frank? Trouble in paradise? What happened? What happened? They went for it. Come on. I've got a surprise. We all pitched in and got something to show our gratitude. I hope Mr. Cutty smokes cigars. Tell Mr. Cutty thanks, thanks for saving our jobs. This is my favorite time of the year. When I was a kid, every Christmas my dad gave me a rail road ticket. One way? No. He'd buy a ticket for him and for me. We'd take the train and go somewhere. Once we ended up in Cleveland. He managed to make it wonderful. You don't still do that? - No. He passed away. Every Christmas I light a candle. That's a great story. Thank you. Can you handle another story? - Sure. Robert Cutty doesn't exist. You don't understand. I made him up. I've known that for weeks. What? For weeks? Sure. Every idea Cutty had was already in your files or I saw you come up with it. Why didn't you say anything? And stop getting those great gifts. No! I loved it. If you had to make up a white male so people would recognize your talent, it was my job to keep the illusion going and support you. - You knew and didn't say a thing! Yeah, sure. - You're something else. Oh, thanks. When I take over Syntonex, I'm going to need somebody to help me organize and run the company. interested? Are you kidding? - No. Yes. - Yes? Is that a yes? Nice little yes dance. Okay! This will flush out Cutty. - I know someone who could help out. I thought so. - A friend at the SEC. I'll have Eddie on Laurel's tail, 24 hours a day. - incognito. Great. Agent Thompkins, Frank Peterson. I thought you might be interested in Cindy Mason's column before it's published tomorrow. Morning, Sally. Be right there, Ms. Ayres. - Great. You made me feel so much better, I had to go shopping. For you. Merry Christmas. Agent Thompkins of the SEC is waiting to meet Mr. Cutty. Agent Thompkins. How are you? I'm Laurel Ayres. How can I help you? I'd like to see Mr. Cutty. - Who wouldn't. He's not available. I'll tell him you were here. - Wasn't Aesop Franklin your date at Donald Fallon's Thanksgiving party? - Yes, is that illegal? I'm sure Mr. Cutty can explain it. See that he gets this. A judicial subpoena? Because I'm in a picture with Aesop Franklin? - Well, Mr. Cutty did profit personally from Syntonex. But he didn't do anything illegal. - He can clear that up when we meet. If he doesn't cooperate, I'm afraid we'll have to conduct a full-scale investigation. Happy holidays. This isn't even close to rational. - Charlie is my only shot. What if you just told the truth? - Are you crazy? it's fraud! They'll throw me in jail. This is insane. If I had just closed the Syntonex deal, it would have been fine. Merry Christmas. Is Santa following us? - Don't get paranoid. I've got big fish to fry. Come on. - He's following us. This is crazy. This is nuts. - Not that door, this one. Hello, ladies. What is it now? - I need a new look. That's what I live for. - I hope so. Distinguished, rich, powerful, old, and male. - Now it's getting interesting. White. White? - He's gotta be white. - Oh shit. This is crazy. - You got a better idea? Charlie can work miracles. - I could use one right now. I'm on. Slip into Ethel. Let the sand out of the tits. I'll be right back. May I never get this old. My name is Robert Cutty. - Deeper. A few octaves. My name is Robert Cutty. - Deeper. - My name is ... Deeper! - Any deeper, I'll be talking out of my uterus. More male attitude. Alright. Bob Cutty, and I'm going to bite your booty in my truck. - Male, not moron. Done. Will this fool the SEC? - Wow. It's a miracle. Before I go on stage, I try out my new look in public. In public? - In public. Mr. Cutty? Of course! He can expect the very best. Without notice. Confidentiality? Madam, this is the Plaza. And Cutty? - Fallon will approach him at the SEC. So Hewlett Packard is in? - They're in, if Fallon is in. Jacobson will tell him at dinner. - At the Plaza. His favorite place. - Nice work, Frank. Charlotte, Mr. Cutty is on his way. Inspect the royal suite. Simon. Fresh flowers in the suite. Take them from our other guests, if needed. José, our best champagne and caviar. Thomas, out front. You're there for Mr. Cutty alone. Go on! Wait! Our guests' privacy is sacred. Lily at the business desk. Good evening, Randall. You remember Walter. - Hello. Fallon's meeting us in the Palm Court. Camille? it's me, Tommy. Guess who's coming to town? Ms. Mason, Frederick from the Plaza. He's coming. Hello, my name is Robert Cutty. Is that you, Mr. Cutty? Hello, I am Robert Cutty. Can I get your bags, Sir? I'm not staying long enough to need any. Excuse me. Got you. Yes, I did. - All the flowers in place? Champagne, caviar? Can I get your coat for you, Mr. Cutty? - No. Welcome to the Plaza. Frederick, the manager. We're deeply honored. If there's anything I can do to make your stay more pleasant, please call me personally. - I just want to get to my room. I have seen to every amenity. Tony, you heard of that Cutty? Guess what, he's here! Cutty? Robert Cutty here? Maybe he'd join us, and we could finish this tonight. Ms. Ayres ... asked that all charges be on her account. - Excuse me, I'm looking for Robert Cutty. - Well, Cutty. I'll find my room myself. Thomas! Can you help me? I'm looking ... - Don't hesitate to call me. It's a private elevator. If something's not okay, call Thomas the bellhop. - Thanks. I won't say goodnight, because I know it'll be great. Robert. It's me, Camille. Camille? How did you get in here? - I just bribed a bellhop. What do you want? You said you couldn't wait to meet me? - Yes, I did, but ... Disappointed? - No, but you must be. Not at all. You're drop dead gorgeous. You're a genius. All geniuses are gorgeous. You think I'm a genius? - I knew it when I saw the Banff idea. But the Syntonex deal knocked me off my feet. It was luminous, insightful, brilliant! And those notes! A woman waits a lifetime for them! - I know. Just sit there. I don't ... - Robert? No, Camille. Not the skirt, Camille. La Perla. You're a man of the world. I want you, Robert. I want your genius. Feel me with your genius. My hips. - I'll help you. Stop that! Isn't that what you want? - No, and you shouldn't either. You're intelligent and beautiful. You want to get ahead. Use your brain! I've never heard that before. - I'm not surprised. I'm shaking. Hold me! No. I don't want to hold you. Look, Camille, it's not what's down here that's important, it's what's up here. Think about it. And get yourself together. I'm pleased that you wanted to be with me. Good evening. What a man! I really want to do business with you, but I need the room number. Is he with anyone else? - I'm not at liberty to say. Mr. Frederick, what room is he in? That's confidential. Oh my God. If you know what I'm ... Shit. Excuse me, Mr. Cutty, Sorry to bother you. Frank Peterson from Manchester Investments. Walter Manchester and I are having dinner with Donald Fallon to discuss you. Shit! Mr. Cutty, I don't know what Laurel Ayres said about me ... My car. - You're going so soon? Frank, you stupid jerk. Cutty's getting away. Mr. Cutty needs his car right away. Do you see him? Mr. Cutty? Donald Fallon. Get in! From the frying pan into the fryer. The press treats you like a rock star. How about a good cigar? Thanks. - I was going to a dinner. You were to be the main topic of conversation. I know. I ran into Frank Peterson. Can we talk man to man? Man to man? - Fine. I like that. Hewlett Packard wants to stay with Syntonex and with you at the wheel, they'd be fools not to. Syntonex is Laurel's baby. If she wants a baby, she should find a man and have one. Are you alright? I suddenly have a bad taste in my mouth. Is this a Cuban? No. Dominican. - I don't smoke crap. I'm so sorry. it won't happen again. - Amazing that you'd offer it to me. Frank has made a deal. You get Laurel to cooperate, they'll accept a plea bargain. She'll get probation and lose her license. And you, old friend, you'll be totally in the clear. That's a hell of a deal. She'll be well compensated and we'll end up big winners. Pull over. If you don't like the deal, just make the SEC problem go away, and we'll forget it all. - Goodbye. Syntonex needs you. And you need us. Think about it. Next time they'll be Cubans. Damn. Looked like Brando. Alright Mr. Cutty, what are you up to? Follow him. Pull over. Hold it. Park it, cabby. We'll hang out here. Alright Cutty, you're going to die. You're going to die. That doesn't make sense. - Laurel went in and never came out? Cutty took Laurel's car to the Plaza and went to her place and never came out. - After Laurel left this morning, I knocked, and nothing! - She went in but he came out ... What? Nothing. Nothing. They knew they were being followed and gave you the slip. You know what? I say live and let live. Merry Christmas. You too, you son of a bitch. Even when I create the perfect man, he stabs me in the back. Do you want to talk? - No, I'm going to kill him. Good idea, but there's one small problem. What? - How do you kill someone who doesn't exist. I don't know. But if he's dead, he can't go to the SEC. That's good. It's the nicest thing you've ever given me. - I'm large like that. Wreckage of the craft was found this morning off the Albanian coast. With no signs of life ... - Oh my God. What? Mr. Cutty was on that ship. - He was not. Stop it. - He was! Hello! He was on the ship. Of course. Why? m The library board got a lot of complaints from parents... ... aboutthestuffinyour songs.e I can't believe it! Did you tell your board that the kids want to hear the truth? I see.a Maybe if you just played some regular kiddy songs? What do you want me to be? Like some... ... stupid,big, like, purple dinosaur? o You don't have to be Barney.s Who's Barney? e I tracked down Marcel and get this. He's healthy, he's happy... ... andhe'sin NewYorkfilming Outbreak 2: The Virus Takes Manhattan. You' re kidding! -This is amazing! -I know., I finally get a part on TV, and the monkey's making movies.e Rachel, I' m ready.l Excuse me. Is this where the singing lady is, who tells the truth? I guess that's me.y She's here! e Sometimes men love womeno Sometimes men love menr Then there are bisexuals Though some just say They're kidding themselvesm This is exciting! I haven't seen my monkey in a year.f What, you never look down in the shower? u I' m not allowed to make one joke in the "monkey is penis" genre? Back up, please.o Back up. Come on.b Excuse me. Where can we find the monkey? I' m sorry. It's a closed set.o I' m sorry, you don't understand. I' m a friend of his. We used to live together.y And I have a timeshare in the Poconos with Flipper. There he is! Hey! Buddy! e Marcel! Marcel! In the jungler The mightyjunglee The lion sleeps tonight In the jungle The mightyjungle The lion sleeps tonight They won't take you to the vete You're obviously not Their favorite pet Smelly cat Smelly cat It's not your faulth -What? -I' m sorry.i What's wrong with that? I think you might want to pick a more masculine note.a Can't get the monkey off your back? Then put it in your mouth with Monkeyshine Beer! Get it, monkey Get it, get it, monkey Monkey, monkey Monkeyshine Beer. Because it's a jungle out there! That commercial always makes me so sad. But then the guy opens his beer and girls run at him so everything works out okay. I meant because the monkey reminds me of Marcel. I can see that. Because they both have those big brown eyes and the little pouty chin. And the fact that they're both monkeys? I wonder if I did the right thing, giving him away. Ross, you had to. He was humping everything in sight. My Malibu Barbie will no longer be wearing white to her wedding. Remember when he'd borrow your hat and when you got it back, there'd be monkey raisins in it? When he did it, it was funny. When I did it to my boss's hat... Suddenly, I had this big "attitude problem." The One With the Super Bowl Hey, check it out! Guess what I got? Rhythm? No. My first fan mail! "Dear Dr. Ramoray: I love you and would do anything to have you." My gosh! "Your not-so-secret admirer, Erika Ford." Oh, wait. "P.S. Enclosed, please find 14 of my eyelashes." In Crazy World, that means you're married. It's not addressed to Days Of Our Lives. This came to your apartment. She was in our building. Oh, my God. I got my very own stalker! You are so lucky, I'm gonna share mine. Joey, remember we talk about good thing and bad thing. This is a bad thing. Where are you off to? There's a paleontology conference in L.A. So I figured I'd go and drive down to the zoo and surprise Marcel. He will be surprised. Till he realizes he's a monkey and isn't capable of that emotion. Phoebe? That really cute guy is here again. Okay, so everyone pretend I'm telling you a story and it's really funny. So everyone just laugh. Now! I know, I know! I'm Rob Donan. Hi, Rob Donan. I don't know anything about music, but I think you're really great. Anyway, I schedule performers for children's libraries. And I was thinking, have you thought about playing your songs for kids? I would love to have kids hear me play the songs that I will write for them. What do we do for dinner? We could cook for ourselves. It's Erika. My God. The stalker! Never mind. It's open. Hitting her with a frying pan is a good idea. But we want a backup plan, just in case she isn't a cartoon! Let's get out of here! The one time they're not home! We'll leave. When we pass her she won't know me, because we never met! That's how radio stars escape stalkers! She's coming! It's me. This is it. This is how we're gonna die. You ready? Wait, wait, wait! Erika! - Mr. Geller? - Yes, hi. Dean Lipson, zoo administrator. You had a question? I can't find the monkey I donated last year. He's a capuchin answers to the name Marcel? I'm afraid I have some bad news. Marcel has passed on. Oh, my God. What happened? He got sick, and then he got sicker and then he got a little better. But then he died. I can't believe this! I'm sorry, Mr. Geller. But you know, there's an old saying: "Sometimes monkeys die." It's not a great saying but it certainly is fitting today. - Someone should've called me. - I'm sorry. Look, I know this can't bring him back but here, it's just a gesture. Zoo dollars? Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. It's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died. I know. I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his stalker! What is she like? You remember Kathy Bates in Misery? Well, she looks the exact opposite of that. And she's not crazy? Oh, no, no. She's a total whack-job. She thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Ramoray. Oh, my God! And he's going out with her? He cannot pursue this. Just because this woman sees Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. Does she not deserve happiness? Does she not deserve love? Why are you looking at me? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac! Are you okay? No. I'm just nervous. Maybe if I just picture them all in their underwear... That's not a good idea. That's the reason the last guy got fired. I'm used to playing for grownups. Grownups drink their coffee and do their grownup thing. And kids listen. It's just a huge responsibility. What? Are you gonna kiss me? I was thinking about it. Alrighty! Let's play some tunes! Ok! Let's find some seats. Chandle, we gonna find our seats. Hold on a second. He thinks he can. He thinks he can. Oh, what the hell. He can. - Hi, everybody. I'm Phoebe. - Hi, Phoebe! I'm gonna play some songs about grandparents, okay? Now Grandma's a person Who everyone likes She bought you a train And a bright shiny bike But lately she hasn't Been coming to dinner And last time you saw her She looked so much thinner Now your mom and your dad said She moved to Peru But the truth is she died And someday you will too I will have the great seven, and the doctor, will have the resertal. - Oh, Drake, isn't it amazing? - Yeah, it is. What? Well, here we sit, devil-may-care and a while ago you were reattaching Simone's spinal cord. That was a tricky one. In reality that operation takes 10 hours. But they only showed it for 2 minutes. Who's "they"? No one. Drake, you are so talented. Let me see those hands. Oh, these hands, these beautiful hands. I could just eat them. But I won't. Otherwise my watch would fall off. No, seriously. These hands these miracle, magical, life-giving hands. Just to be near them, touch them, maybe even lick one? All right. Just one. You're good at that. Oh, my God! Someone! He's choking! Is anyone here a doctor? Yes, the best doctor in Salem! Dr. Drake Ramoray! Meet me in the nocturnal house in 15 minutes. Hey, look. I don't really enjoy being with other men that way. But, zoo dollars? It's about your monkey! It's alive. I don't understand. Why didn't you help that man? Because I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of "foodal chokage." I gotta tell you something You don't have to tell me anything. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Who am I to question the great Dr. Drake Ramoray? I should be happy to be near you. Hey, I Hey what? That's it. Just hey! Like at the end of a dance. Hey! There'll be times when you get older When you'll want to sleep with people Just to make them like you But don't! 'Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do Everybody! That's another thing That you don't wanna do - Excellent! - Very informative! Not at all inappropriate! Thank you for coming, everybody! There are cookies in the back. That was great. The kids loved you. Yea! I rock! And you know why? Because you told the truth. Nobody ever tells kids the truth. You were incredible! But...? - How'd you know there was a "but"? - I sense these things. It was either "but" or "butter." The thing is, I think some of the parents they were hoping that you'd play more songs about barnyard animals. I can do that. Really? Because that would be fantastic! What? You wanna kiss me? I'm thinking about it. So by the libery car carticuler, we still have some time. What, I'm unemploy. The bat. Ambassador of darkness. Flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger. Sightless specter of the macabre. Buddy, my monkey? Oh, yeah, right. There was a break-in a few months back. Inside job. Your monkey was taken. The zoo told me that my monkey was dead! The zoo! You believe everything the zoo tells you? That's the only thing the zoo's ever told me. Of course they'll say that! They don't want the bad publicity. It's all a great big cover-up. Do you have any idea how high up this thing goes? That guy Lipson? Lipson knows? - Do you have idea who else knows? - I only know Lipson. Lipson knows, huh? Hello, Mr. Possum. Enigma of the trees, upside-down denizen of the night. - Taunting gravity - Buddy, my monkey. My monkey? Word on the street When I say "street," I mean those pretend streets here at the zoo. Of course. Your monkey found a new career in the entertainment field. That's all I know. This is unbelievable! So what is this information worth to you, my friend? Are you trying to get me to bribe you? Maybe. But you already told me everything. Check it out. He actually is the Monkeyshine monkey! What'll you do? I'm gonna call the beer company and try to find him. That's what I did when I lost my Clydesdales. Okay, hi again! Hi, Phoebe! Today, we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals. Oh, the cow in the meadow goes "moo" Oh, the cow in the meadow goes "moo" Then the farmer hits him And grinds him up And that's how we get hamburgers Now chickens! Only you who can save her, Drake! Damn it! I'm a doctor. I'm not God! There goes my whole belief system. It's Erika. Quick! Shut off the TV. I wanna see what happens! I get Leslie out of the coma then we make out. How can that be? You were kissing Sabrina! Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neurosurgeon. Hey, Erika. Come in. How did you get here so fast? I just saw you in Salem. Right, they choppered me in. What's up? You're having a little party too! - Is she here? - Who? Sabrina. I know about you two! I saw you today, kissing in the doctor's lounge. It's not what you think You told me I was the only one! All right, look. That's it. We shouldn't see each other anymore. I should have told you a long time ago but I am not Drake Ramoray. I'm not even a doctor. I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor. Oh, my God! Do the people at the hospital know? Somebody wanna help me out here? Oh, I know! I know! Where am I? University Hospital where you've been for the last 18 years. How can you be here and there? Because it's a TV show! What are you getting at? Nice girl, not great with concept. I'm not Drake! That's right! He's not Drake. He's Hans Ramoray, Drake's evil twin! Is this true? Yes! Yes, it is true! And I know this because he pretended to be Drake to sleep with me! And then he told me he would run away with me! And he didn't! And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard! Is all this true? Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me. You deserve to be with the real Drake. He's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem. Find him! He's the guy for you! Oh, Hans! Hans? Hans! Yo, evil twin! Right. Goodbye, Erika. Good luck in Salem. Take care. I'll never forget you, Hans. All right. The people who threw the water! Helping you out! Fired? Why? The library board got a lot of complaints from parents about the stuff in your songs. I can't believe this is the libery! - I mean, books, freespeech, newspapers on sticks. - I know. What about the kids. Did you tell your board that the kids want to hear the truth? I see. Maybe if you just played some regular kiddy songs? What do you want me to be? Like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur? You don't have to be Barney. Who's Barney? I tracked down Marcel and get this. He's healthy, he's happy and he's in New York filming Outbreak 2: The Virus Takes Manhattan. You're kidding! - This is amazing! - I know. I finally get a part on TV, and the monkey's making movies. Rachel, I'm ready. Excuse me. Is this where the singing lady is, who tells the truth? I guess that's me. She's here! Sometimes men love women Sometimes men love men Then there are bisexuals Though some just say They're kidding themselves This is exciting! I haven't seen my monkey in a year. What, you never look down in the shower? I'm not allowed to make one joke in the "monkey is penis" genre? Back up, please. Back up. Come on. Excuse me. Where can we find the monkey? I'm sorry. It's a closed set. I'm sorry, you don't understand. I'm a friend of his. We used to live together. And I have a time share in the Poconos with Flipper. There he is! Hey! Buddy! Marcel! Marcel! In the jungle The mighty jungle The lion sleeps tonight In the jungle The mighty jungle The lion sleeps tonight Excuse me, this is a Closed set. We know. But we're friends with the monkey. Good morning. Look who I brought! Your old friend, Harry Elafonte! Whoa, dude. Burn! I don't get it. He seemed so happy to see me yesterday. Don't take it personal. He's under pressure, starring in a movie and all. How big of a star is Marcel? In human terms? I'd say Cybill Shepherd. So you guys in the movie or you just really paranoid? Hey, Sal? Jerry wants to know if the monkey's ready. Excuse me? Jerry is the director? Which one's he? - The one in the director's chair? - Gotcha. Pheebs, walk with me. Why am I walking with you? We're just going over here so that we can get away from the horrible flesh-eating virus! For the love of God, woman, listen to me! Is he looking? Is he looking? - We've got a problem. - Tell me. I can't do Chris' makeup. She refuses to acknowledge her mustache. - Is it bad? - It looks like her eyebrow fell down. Unless we convince her to let me bleach it Van Damme will be making out with Gabe Kaplan. I'll talk to her. I hate actors. Nice camouflage. For a minute there, I almost didn't see you. Excuse me. Is your name Chandler? Yes, it is. Chandler Bing. Do you know me or are you just really good at this game? I'm Susie Moss. Fourth grade? Glasses? I carried a box of animal crackers like a purse? Susie Moss! Right! Yeah! Wow! You look... Great job growing up. It's nice to see you don't still wear the cap with the mirrors on it. I graduated fourth grade and realized I wasn't a pimp. Remember the class play? You pulled up my skirt and the entire auditorium saw my underpants? Yes. Back then, I used humor as a defense mechanism. Thank God I don't do that anymore. What you have been doing since childhood? Well, I got a new belt. I wondered! - Oh, my God! - What? What? It's Jean-Claude Van Damme. I didn't know he was in this movie. He is so hot! You think? The Muscles from Brussels? Wham-Bam-Van-Damme? Did you see Time Cop? No. Was he any good in it? Rachel, he totally changed time! So why don't you go talk to him? Go tell him he's cute. What's the worst that could happen? He could hear me. - I'm doing it for you. - Don't you dare! Don't! Don't! Tell him I cook! Excuse me. This is gonna sound kind of goofy but my friend over there who cooks, by the way... She thinks you're cute. You don't think I'm cute? I don't know. Do you think you're cute? We're getting off the track. I was supposed to tell you my friend thinks you're cute. What should I tell her? You can tell her I think her friend is cute. - Makeup! - That's me. I gotta go. How many times must I touch you on the arm before you ask me on a date? Well, let's try one more. There you go. Ernie's, 8:00? I'll be there. And if things go well, maybe this time I'll get to see your underwear. No one was around to hear that? So what'd he say? What a jerk! I kept talking about you, and he kept asking me out. Naturally, you know, I said no. Thanks, anyway. He just kept asking and asking, asking, asking... If you want to go out with him, you can. Sounds like a jerk to me, but Jean-Claude, she said yes! I'll see you tonight! Thank you. Then Jean-Claude took me to Crossroads and we hung out with Drew Barrymore. Oh, man. She's so smokin'! She's got the greatest set of No guys around, huh? - Does anybody need anything? - I'll have an espresso. I'll get it. If I ask you to, you'll end up drinking it yourself. - That is so unfair. - I know. Like you'd drink her coffee after what you did to her with Van Damme? I have to cancel racquetball tonight. Marcel's trainer will let me have him for a couple of hours. You're blowing me off for a monkey? We can reschedule for Saturday. Unless you hook up with a bunch of pigeons. Stick a fork in me I am done! Stick a fork what? Like when you're cooking a steak. I don't eat meat. How do you know vegetables are done? Well, you don't. You eat them and you can tell. Okay, then eat me, I'm done! I've met the perfect woman. We're sitting on her couch, fooling around and then she turns to me and says: "Did you ever want to do it in an elevator?" What did you say? I believe my exact words were... How do you know if you wanna do that? You just know. We gotta go. Got a reservation in 30 minutes. What I had planned shouldn't take more than two, three minutes, tops. Two hundred seconds of passion! We gotta go. But here's an idea. Have you ever worn women's underwear? Well, yes, actually but they were my Aunt Edna's. And there were three of us in there. I was thinking it would be kind of sexy if you wore mine tonight at dinner. You want me to wear your panties? Could you? If I was wearing your underwear then what would you be wearing? You're swell! Got the music, got the dinner. I made Marcel's favorite dish, banana cake with mealworm. Candle. What do you think's gonna happen here tonight? Hi, are you on your way over No, I understand. A monkey's gotta work. It's no big deal. It's not like I had anything special planned. - You feel that? - What? We passed moment we should stop holding hands. Rachel, why don't you start talking first? I feel that this is totally unjustified. She gave me the green light, I did nothing Do you think I can't see you in the TV set? If there's something you'd like to share You had no right to go out with him! - That's the most ridiculous - You sold me out! - I did not! - You absolutely Would you let me talk! Did you just flick me? Well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was That hurt! Quit flicking! Stop flicking! You flicked me first! Let's not do this! Happy thoughts! Now I'm gonna kick some ass! All right. Now, I will let go if you both stop. You want me to stop seeing him? You want me to just tell him you're seeing him instead? Is that what you want? That's what you want? - Fine! - Fine! There we go. If we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches. Thanks for letting me tag along. Forget about it. How you doing there, squirmy? I'm hanging in. And a little out. So assistant to the director? That's an exciting job. You must have a ton of responsibilities I don't do the casting. So what are you guys gonna eat? How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over? Because I went to an all-boys high school, and God is making up for it? I want you right here right now. Right now, right here? Don't you think we're in kind of a public place? They do have the shrimp. Meet me in the bathroom. I'm going to the bathroom now. Come on. All right, mister. Let's see those panties. Alrighty. But you know what would be even sexier? What? If you didn't have your shirt tucked into them. All right. Now, I would like to see you wearing nothing but them. Take your clothes off. I hope you realize this means we'll miss hearing about the specials. Come on, hurry! Do you want this done quick or done right? All right, turn around. I wanna see you from behind. Somebody's been doing his Buns of Steel video. So you want me to clench anything or...? Susie? This is for the fourth grade. - What do you mean? - What do I mean? What do I mean? ! I mean underpants, mister! That's what I mean! What? What do you mean? My skirt you lifted. IKids laughing! I was Susie Underpants till I was 18! That was in fourth grade! How could you still be upset? Call me in 20 years and tell me if you're still upset about this. I hope you realize you're not getting these underpants back! I can't believe this. Just two weeks ago, I was watching Sudden Death and now I'm on a date with Jean-Claude Van Damme. Can you beat up that guy? - Can you beat up that guy? - Sure. This is so wild. I gotta admit, I was surprised that you agreed to go on a blind date. Normally, I would not do it. What made you make the exception for me? Rachel told me you were dying to have a threesome with me and Drew Barrymore. By the way, Drew has some ground rules and... Say you're sorry! Say it! No! I'm not gonna! Say it! Say it! Great! Say you're sorry or your sweater gets it. That is my favorite sweater! That is my third-date sweater! Say you're sorry. You wanna play? Okay, let's play. Let's play. What'll you do? Give me back my sweater or it's handbag marinara. You don't have the guts. Yeah? At least I wasn't too chicken to tell some guy he was cute. Stop! Stop the madness! This is crazy! Who can remember why you're fighting in the first place? Yes, that's right. But still... Look at your purse! Look at your sweater! Look at yourselves! I'll help you fix your sweater. I'll help you throw out your purse. I'm sorry I made you stop seeing him. I'm sorry I went out with him when I knew you liked him. I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves. Joey? Ma? What are you doing here? I thought you guys took off. She took off with my clothes! - Are you naked in there? - Well, not exactly. I'm wearing panties. You always wear panties? No, no. This is the first time. Talk about your bad luck! The first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes. I was not trying them out. Susie asked me to wear them. Let me see! No! I'm not letting you or anybody else see, ever! All right, all right! Someone's flossing! Joey, some people don't like that. Chandler's wearing panties. What? - Let me see! - You don't have to see! Hi, tushy! One of you give me your underpants. I'm not wearing any. How can you not be wearing any? I'm getting heat from the guy in the hot pink thong. Look, Ross. I'll give you $50 for your underpants. - Can I have the milk? - I'm almost done with it. Keep your panties on. And I'm in the movie! - What happened? - A virus victim called in sick so Cathy recommended me and boom! I'm dying on a gurney! Marcel just finished his last scene, if you wanna go say goodbye. That's okay. He's probably got parties to go to and stuff. He's moved on. That's the way it goes, right? Oh, my God! What? Looks like we made it Left each other on the way to another love Looks like we made it Or I thought so, till today Until you were there, everywhere And all I could taste was Love the way we made it Looks like we made it I'm sorry. It has work between you and me. Or you and me. Drew was very disapoited. Well, bye for me too. Okay, we will bye-bye again. Perhaps the three of us. Just... Are you sure, I can crush longer with my butt. No, no, no... Impressive but no. Bye, Marcel! See you on the big screen. You keep people drinking that beer. I will miss you buddy. I think I want to write a song about all this. Except one of the strings on my guitar is broken. Chandler, can I borrow your G-string? - How long you been waiting to say that? - About 20 minutes! Can't you see what's going on here? This man is dying! Cut! Can't you see what's going on here? This man is dying! Cut! Can't you see what's going on here? This man is dying! Mommy! Can't you see what's going on? This man is dead! ANNOUNCER: Can't get the monkey off your back? Then put it in your mouth with Monkeyshine Beer! [MOUTHING] Wow. ANNOUNCER: Monkeyshine Beer. Because it's a jungle out there! That commercial always makes me so sad. Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and girls run at him so everything works out okay. I meant because the monkey in it reminds me of Marcel. PHOEBE: I can see that. Because they both have those big brown eyes and the little pouty chin. And the fact that they're both monkeys? I wonder if I did the right thing, giving him away. Ross, you had to. He was humping everything in sight. I mean, I have a Malibu Barbie who will no longer be wearing white to her wedding. Remember when he'd borrow your hat and when you got it back, there'd be little monkey raisins in it? When he did it, it was funny. When I did it to my boss's hat... All of a sudden, I had this big "attitude problem." Hey. Hey. - Check it out! Guess what I got? - Rhythm? No. My first fan mail! Check it out. "Dear Dr. Ramoray: Know that I love you and would do anything to have you." My gosh! "Your not-so-secret admirer, Erika Ford." [CHUCKLES] Oh, wait. "P.S. Enclosed, please find 14 of my eyelashes." You know, in Crazy World, that means you're married. It's not addressed to Days Of Our Lives. This came to your apartment. There's no stamp on it. This woman was in our building. Oh, my God. I got my very own stalker! - Hey, guys. CHANDLER: Hey. RACHEL MONICA: Hey. PHOEBE: Ooh. Where are you off to? There's this paleontology conference in L.A. So I figured I'd go and drive down to the zoo and surprise Marcel. I think he will be surprised. Till he realizes he's a monkey and, uh, you know, isn't capable of that emotion. Oh, Phoebe? That really cute guy is here again. Oh? Oh. Okay, so everyone, ahem pretend I'm telling you a story and it's really funny. So everyone just laugh. Now! [ALL LAUGHING] I know, I know! Oh. - Hello. - Hi. PHOEBE: Oh. I'm Rob Donan. Hi, Rob Donan. I don't know anything about music, but I think you're really great. Oh, wow. Ha, ha. Anyway, I schedule performers for children's libraries. And I was thinking, have you thought about playing your songs for kids? Oh, I would love to have kids... [CHUCKLES] ...hear me play the songs that I will write for them. [CHUCKLES] What do you wanna do for dinner? We could stay in and cook for ourselves. [BOTH LAUGHING] [INTERCOM BUZZING] - Hello. ERIKA [OVER SPEAKER]: It's Erika. Oh, my God. The stalker! ERIKA: Never mind. It's open. Aah! Aah! Yes, hitting her with a frying pan is a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon. Let's get out of here! The one time they're not home! Okay. Okay. We'll leave. When we pass her she won't know me, because we never met! That's how radio stars escape stalkers! [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING] She's coming! [KNOCKING ON DOOR] ERIKA: It's me. - Aah! Uh, this is it. This is how we're gonna die. - You ready? - Wait, wait, wait! Hi. Erika! LIPSON: Mr. Geller? - Yes, hi. Hi. Dean Lipson, zoo administrator. I was told you had a question. I, uh... I can't find the monkey I donated last year. He's a capuchin answers to the name Marcel? Ah. I'm afraid I have some bad news. Marcel has passed on. Oh, my God. What happened? Well, he got sick, and then he got sicker and then he got a little better. But then he died. I can't believe this! I'm sorry, Mr. Geller. But you know, there's an old saying: "Sometimes monkeys die." It's not a great saying but it certainly is fitting today. - Someone should've called me. LIPSON: I'm sorry. Look, I know this can't bring him back but here, it's just a gesture. Zoo dollars? Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well, it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died. CHILDREN [IN UNISON]: Ooh. I know. I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his stalker. What is she like? - Well, you remember Kathy Bates in Misery? MONICA: Mm-hm. Well, she looks the exact opposite of that. And she's not crazy? Oh, no, no. She's a total wack job. Yeah. She thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Ramoray. Oh, my God! Oh. And he's going out with her? He cannot pursue this. Just because this woman thinks she can see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. Does she not deserve happiness? Does she not deserve love? What are you looking at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac. Are you okay? No, uh-uh. I'm just nervous. Maybe if I just picture them all in their underwear... That's not a good idea. That's the reason the last guy got fired. Oh. Yeah. I'm used to playing for grownups. Grownups drink their coffee and do their grownup thing, you know. And kids listen. It's just a huge responsibility. What? Are you gonna kiss me? I was thinking about it. Okay. Yeah, okay. Alrighty. Let's play some tunes! Hi, everybody. I'm Phoebe. ALL [IN UNISON]: Hi, Phoebe! Ha, ha. Okay. Um I'm gonna play, um, some songs about grandparents, okay? [CLEARS THROAT THEN STRUMS GUITAR] [SINGING] Now Grandma's a person Who everyone likes She bought you a train And a bright shiny bike But lately she hasn't Been coming to dinner And last time you saw her She looked so much thinner Now your mom and your dad said She moved to Peru But the truth is she died And someday you will too La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la - Oh, Drake, isn't it amazing? - Yeah, it is. [BOTH CHUCKLE] What? Well, here we sit, devil-may-care and just a little while ago you were reattaching Simone's spinal cord. Yeah, that was a tricky one. [JOEY CHUCKLES] In reality that operation takes over 10 hours, but they only showed it for two minutes. Who's "they"? [CHUCKLING] No one. Oh, Drake, you are so talented. Let me see those hands. - Oh, these hands, these beautiful hands. - Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Oh, I could just eat them. - But I won't. JOEY: Ha, ha. Good. Otherwise my watch would fall off. [LAUGHS MANIACALLY] No, seriously. These hands these miracle, magical, life-giving hands. Oh, just to be near them, touch them, maybe even lick one? - All right. Ha, ha. Just one. - Ha-ha-ha. [GRUNTS] Wow. You're good at that. [GIGGLES] [PLATES BREAK] MAN: Oh, my God! Someone! He's choking! Is anyone here a doctor? ERIKA: Oh, yes. Yes, the best doctor in Salem! Dr. Drake Ramoray! Meet me in the nocturnal house in 15 minutes. Uh, hey, look. I don't really enjoy being with other men that way. But, um, zoo dollars? It's about your monkey. It's alive. I don't understand. Why didn't you help that man? Uh, because, uh, I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of, uh, uh "foodal chokage." You know. - I gotta tell you something... - No, no, no. You don't have to tell me anything. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Oh! Who am I to question the great Dr. Drake Ramoray? - That's... - I should be happy to be near you. Hey, I... "Hey" what? That's it. Just hey! Like at the end of a dance. Hey! Hey. Ha-ha-ha. Hey. [SINGING] There'll be times when you get older When you'll want to sleep with people Just to make them like you But don't 'Cause That's another thing That you don't wanna do Everybody! That's another thing That you don't wanna do [ALL APPLAUDING] - Excellent! - Very informative! Not at all inappropriate! Thank you for coming, everybody. There are cookies in the back. DONAN: That was great. The kids loved you. [CHUCKLES] Yay! I rock! And you know why? Because you told the truth. Nobody ever tells kids the truth. You were incredible! Ha, ha. But? - How did you know there was a "but"? - I sense these things. It was either "but" or "butter." The thing is, I think some of the parents they were hoping that you'd play more songs about barnyard animals. I can do that. - Really? - Yeah. - Because that would be fantastic. - Oh. What? You wanna kiss me? I'm thinking about it. JANITOR: Ah, the bat. Ambassador of darkness. Flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger. Sightless specter of the macabre. Buddy, my monkey? Oh, yeah, right. There was a break-in a few months back. Inside job. Your monkey was taken. Oh, my God. The zoo told me that my monkey was dead. Pfft. The zoo! You believe everything the zoo tells you? Uh, that's the only thing the zoo's ever told me. Of course they'll say he's dead. They don't want the bad publicity. It's all a great big cover-up. Do you have any idea how high up this thing goes? That guy Lipson? Lipson knows? Hmm. Lipson knows, huh? Ah, hello, Mr. Possum. Enigma of the trees, upside-down denizen of the night. - Taunting gravity... - Buddy, my monkey. My monkey? Word on the street... Well, when I say "street," I mean those little pretend streets here at the zoo. Of course. Your monkey found a new career in the entertainment field. That's all I know. [SCOFFS] This is unbelievable! So, what is this information worth to you, my friend? Are you trying to get me to bribe you? Maybe. But you already told me everything. Check it out. He actually is the Monkeyshine monkey. RACHEL: Oh, wow. So, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna call the beer company and try to find out where he is. That's what I did when I lost my Clydesdales. Okay, hi again! ALL [IN UNISON]: Hi, Phoebe! Today, we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals. [CHUCKLES THEN STRUMS GUITAR] [SINGING] Oh, the cow in the meadow goes "moo" Oh, the cow in the meadow goes "moo" Then the farmer hits him on the head And grinds him up And that's how we get hamburgers Now chickens You're the only one who can save her, Drake! Damn it! I'm a doctor, I'm not God! Well, there goes my whole belief system. [KNOCKING ON DOOR] ERIKA: It's Erika. Quick! Quick. Shut off the TV. Wait, I wanna see what happens! Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma then we make out. How can that be? You were just kissing Sabrina. Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neurosurgeon. [SIGHS] Hey, Erika. Come in. How did you get here so fast? I just saw you in Salem. Right, they, uh, choppered me in. Ha, ha. What's up? ERIKA: Oh, you're having a little party too. - Is she here, huh, huh? - Who? Sabrina. I know about you two! I saw you today, kissing in the doctor's lounge. It's not what you think. That was... You told me I was the only one! [CHUCKLES] All right, look. That's it. We shouldn't see each other anymore. I should have told you a long time ago but I am not Drake Ramoray, okay? I'm not even a doctor. I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor. Oh, my God. Do the people at the hospital know about this? Ha, ha. Somebody wanna help me out here? Oh, I know! I know! Where am I? University Hospital the same place you've been for the last 18 years. How can you be here and there? Ha, ha. Because it's a television show. Drake, what are you getting at? I'm not Drake! That's right. He's not Drake. He's Hans Ramoray, Drake's evil twin! [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] Is this true? Yes! Yes, it is true. And I know this because he pretended to be Drake to sleep with me! And then he told me he would run away with me. And he didn't! And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard! Is all this true? Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me, Erika. You deserve to be with the real Drake. He's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem. Find him! He's the guy for you. Oh, Hans. Hans? Hans! Yo, evil twin! Right. Uh, goodbye, Erika. Good luck in Salem. [ERIKA SIGHS] Take care. I'll never forget you, Hans. Ha, ha. All right. The people who threw the water! Helping you out! Fired? Why? The library board has had a lot of complaints from parents about some of the stuff in your songs. - I can't believe it! Did you tell your board about how the kids want to hear the truth? No. I see. Maybe if you just played some regular kiddie songs? No. What do you want me to be? Like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur? You don't have to be Barney. - Who's Barney? - Eh... Well, I tracked down Marcel and get this: He's healthy, he's happy and he's here in New York filming Outbreak 2: The Virus Takes Manhattan. BOTH: You're kidding! - This is amazing. - I know. I finally get a part on TV, and the monkey's making movies. Okay. Rachel, I'm ready. Okay. Excuse me. Is this where the singing lady is who tells the truth? Um, yeah, I guess that's me. [GASPS] She's here! [WHISTLES] [SINGING] Sometimes men love women And sometimes men love men And then there are bisexuals Though some just say They're kidding themselves La-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la, la-la This is exciting. I haven't seen my monkey in a year. What, you never look down in the shower? Oh, please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the "monkey is penis" genre? SECURITY GUARD: Back up, please. Back up. Come on, come on. Excuse me. Uh, where can we find the monkey? I'm sorry. It's a closed set. I'm sorry, you don't understand. I'm a friend of his. We, uh, used to live together. Yeah. And I have a timeshare in the Poconos with Flipper. [CHUCKLES] MONICA: Ross, there he is! Hey! Hey, buddy! Marcel! Marcel! [SINGING] In the jungle, the mighty jungle The lion sleeps tonight In the jungle, the mighty jungle The lion sleeps tonight [ALL SCATTING] [MARCEL SQUEAKING] [GIBBERING] [SINGING] They won't take you to the vet You're obviously not Their favorite pet - Smelly cat, smelly cat - Smelly cat, smelly cat - It's not your fault - It's not your fault No - Ha-ha-ha. I'm sorry. - What? What's wrong with that? Um, ahem, I think you might wanna, like, pick a more masculine note. Heh. [English - US - SDH] Fall in! Did you hear me, maggot? I said fall in! I swear, you must be the sorriest bunch of sad sacks I ever did see. You're a disgrace to the uniform. All of you. And you call yourself a scare force? What's your problem, soldier? You some kind of mummy's boy? That it? Hmm. I guess you think you're like the man in tonight's tale. He's not much of a soldier either. It's a nasty little shriek and destroy mission I call "Escape. " - That way. - But that can't be right. The Channel is that way, Schlosse. Trust me. Look up at the sky! - See where the moon is? - Why don't you shut up? We're headed back towards the camp! We're going in the wrong direction! Luger, what are you doing? SOLDIER: Halt! What took you so long? - You son of a bitch! - Don't shoot! Luger betrayed us! Run! Run! - I'd like to talk about my arrangements. - Your arrangement? We had an agreement, Major Norris and I. - Oh, yes. Yes, I heard about that. - Good. Then there shouldn't be any problem giving me what I want. And what would that be, Lieutenant? A car at your disposal? Room service? Maybe you don't understand. When I warned Major Norris that there would be an escape attempt, - he told me that he was going to... - I don't care what he told you. I don't approve of making deals with the enemy. - But Major Norris assured me... - Have you no shame? Three of your own men are dead because you betrayed them. They shouldn't have run. They were stupid. Stupid people deserve to die. You should be thanking me. I'm curious, Lieutenant Luger, what makes a man betray his comrades? They were the traitors as far as I'm concerned. The war will be over soon. I'd like to spend the rest of it as comfortably as I can. If those men had escaped, there would have been sanctions for the rest of us. So, you see, Major, I did all of us a favor. - Sergeant! - Sir. Get this pathetic excuse for a soldier out of my sight. Yes, sir. Three good men are dead because of you. I'd shoot you myself, but you're not worth the bullet. Move it. Come on. This way. You wait here, all right? You in there, break it up before I break you. Excuse me. - Are you Luger? - What's it to you? You escaped from Leacroft two days ago. No one's ever done that before. Yeah. Maybe no one ever wanted to. We'd like you to help us get out of this place. So you want to escape? The Fatherland needs us now more than ever. Out of the way there. I see you've met the welcoming committee. How nice. Move. Come on, move it. I don't have to work. I'm an officer. It's against the Geneva Conventions. Get in there. The problem is, nobody here really cares. You can protest to that son of a bitch Nicholson until you're blue in the face, but it won't get you anywhere. Mind you, there is a little satisfaction to the work. These coffins are used to bury the British war dead. And, so long as we all keep quiet about it, we get to keep our privileges. And if it comes down to privileges or a bunch of stupid rules... I know. I feel the same way about forced labor. Mind you, I feel the same way about escaping, too. - What do you mean by that? - Just what I said. My English is quite good. At least, I understand it better than I speak it, but I was very clear what the guards were saying about you. What do you want? What makes you think I want anything? Hell, I'm happy to have found a kindred spirit. Someone who, like me, is perfectly happy staying put. Someone who, like me, understands the value of information and how it can be used. Now, we already have a small store of weapons. Jerry-rigged knives mostly. And we have a dummy key that opens some of the inner doors. And Heinrich here started putting together a few uniforms. Good. Very good. And, of course, Albert's trying to figure out where all the tunnels under the castle lead to. - Tunnels? - Yeah, yeah. There's miles of them. They're everywhere. And that's not counting the airshafts that run through the walls. Matter of fact, one of the biggest runs directly under this building. When you tunneled out of Leacroft, how far beyond the main gate did you have to dig? Well, you see, that was the beauty of our plan. The tunnels were just a diversion. While the British were looking for us down there, we snuck through the fence and got away. You see, that is the kind of cunning we need. With Lieutenant Luger to lead us, I know we will find a way out of here. Krupp, check this out. An ambulance just pulled into the courtyard. Move it, Fritz! A friend of yours? Bastard! Who the hell are you? This is not your detail! Come on, you. Get the bloody hell out of here! Move it! Move it! They already have weapons and uniforms and detailed maps of the tunnels that run under this place. - And keys. They have keys, too. - Yes, and? And, well, now that I've told you, you have to do something about it. And because I helped you, I think it is... Let's lay our cards on the table, shall we? I know exactly why you came here. You're scared to death of our new arrival. Well, I'm going to let you into a little secret. I arranged for Lieutenant Schlosse to be brought here. And once he begins to speak again, which the doctors assure me should be within a few days, I'm sure your fellow inmates will be very impressed with what he has to tell them about the man they've chosen to lead their escape. Hmm? Thank you very much. It's him, isn't it? In the hospital. The man you escaped with. Don't you ever get sick of knowing everything? Hasn't happened yet. Nicholson. He set you up, didn't he? - What a son of a bitch! - Can you believe it? It's the first time in this stinking war I have wanted to kill the enemy. We are just like two peas in a pod, huh? When they conscripted me, I told them I'm a lover, not a fighter. Listen, I've just about had it with you. What you looking at? I think I see a way to get even with Nicholson. You do? - You're very lucky. This is the last one. - Fräulein, miss, can I talk to you? Well, we're not really meant to speak with... You're a good person, I can see that. And you're the only person who can help. There's something going on in the camp. Something illegal. lllegal? It's Major Nicholson. He's violating the Geneva Conventions. You're kidding! Well, if that's true, then someone has to stop him. The best we can tell, the tunnels only go as far as the outer wall. Which doesn't really do us much good. We could climb the wall, if we got there. The walls are 50 feet high, with guard posts along the whole length. Yeah, I see the problem. Let me think about this. The talk is, his bandages come off tomorrow. Day after that he'll be transferred down here. Shit! Luger, I don't know what your little Red Cross friend can do. I mean, even if she could find someone to listen to her, it would be weeks before anyone could do anything about it. And by then... Why don't you shut up for two seconds? - I'm only trying to be helpful. - Well, don't. Okay. Listen up, everyone. Here's what we have to do. Our problem is, we don't know if a tunnel will get us to the other side of the outer wall. Somebody has to go through the tunnel to find out. - And what if you get caught? - Won't be first time. And the Fatherland is counting on us, right? I'll need the dummy key and a knife. And a lookout. I wouldn't want to put another of our lives in danger. I know those tunnels better than anybody. Albert's right. He should go with you. - After you. - No, no. After you. I don't need your help, Frye. I don't want it. And what are you going to do? Just waltz into the hospital ward? I don't need your help! - Which way? - To the left. - The hospital ward is that way. - Exactly. That airshaft should lead right up to it. It's been fun. Nice knowing you, Fritz. Did you miss me? Come on, admit it I'm growing on you. - Hurry, hurry! - I'm hurrying! You're about to be as dead as the Fatherland. Traitor! Traitor! Someone's coming. Let's get out of here! Come on. Hurry! Hurry! Come on! Come on! Come on! Shit! This way. Come on! Where are you bastards? Get everyone out the barracks! Get them out now! I want a head count! Do you hear? Now! My God, look! Luger. If we hear them, then that airshaft is probably being stood upon. You idiot, there's no point in going back to the barracks now. I know that. I'm trying to get us to the outer wall. - You think? - It's worth a try. Come on. Albert, why did you help me? I mean, after I hit you? It's like I told you, Luger, we're kindred spirits. Fact is, I respect what you did to me. You're crazy. No, I'm a survivor. Like you. Yes, sir. Yes, I understand. Splendid. I'll await your arrival, sir. Big trouble, I'm afraid, sir. Two of the prisoners have escaped, sir. Luger and Frye. Another one's been murdered in the hospital ward. Oh, dear God. And there's another problem, I'm afraid. That was General Christopher. Sir? He'll be here in a few hours. And I don't want him to see those coffins. There's a truck filled with them at the outer wall. Get it out of here. - What am I gonna do with the coffins, sir? - Just get rid of the bloody things! Yes, sir. - Let's go. - This way. Guard, make sure the main gate stays open! Yes, sir. Thanks, Luger. - We did it. - In spite of ourselves. I think we've made it. Shit. You set me up! Well, it's quite simple. I'm giving you a dose of your own. Mind you, I was hoping that putting you in the same room as Schlosse would have ended differently. Great shame. He was a good soldier. Yes, Major. At least I got him to your office in time. Yes, good job, Lieutenant Forsyth. You English bastards! That phone call you overheard, that was my official notification. The war ended today. In a few hours, we shall be releasing the other prisoners. It was fun, wasn't it? Cheerio. Oh! By the way, I have changed my mind about you, Luger. You are definitely worth a bullet. Well, Luger wanted a discharge from the army and that's exactly what he got. Talk about a bleeder among men. I guess now he'd rather fright than snitch. Now then, let's see what you maggots are made of! About face! Parade, march! Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two, three, four! Present arms! Now that's what I call hack-tive service. I thought you said you'd started straightening this place up. You should have seen it before. Look, Keiko's shuttle will be here before we know it. We should have left the holosuite hours ago. What, and let the Jerries cross the Channel? Never. It is sort of a shame to pack this stuff away. Wish we didn't have to. It's like a sculpture-- a monument to your year as a bachelor. Ah, I suppose it is. Who are we to dismantle this piece of art? I don't know. But if we don't, Keiko'll dismantle me. Daddy. Hi, sweetie. Oh! Hi. The one good thing about going away is coming home. I never want to be apart like that again. Daddy, Daddy! I have a little brother. Really? Is that him? No. He's in there. Surprise. A baby? Yeah. I-l thought you'd be happy. I mean, we talked about it and decided we'd start trying. Oh, I know. We-We-Well, but your last visit you were only here the one night, and... I thought it'd take a couple of nights. To be honest... a lot more nights. I guess we just got lucky this time. I guess so. Vedek Porta. Nerys. So, this is where you are when you're not at the Temple. Very impressive. Haven't you ever been to Ops? What business would an old monk have here except maybe helping a young couple to meet the Emissary? Are you sure this is a good time? I think he'll be able to fit you in. Thank you so much for doing this, Major. Oh, I'm glad to. They can take the Rubicon. Come in. Vedek Porta's here with the young couple that just got married. They're hoping to get the Emissary's blessing. Bring them in. You remember the words? The marriage blessing? Mm-hmm. I think so. Emissary, we're very grateful to you for seeing us. Not at all. Now, if you'll just join hands... Zhia 'kala, tar'eh anu suur... te'von, aka 'lu rez... ka 'vor, mat'ana kel. Thank you. Thank you very much. Your accent is getting much better, Emissary. I'm glad to hear it. It isn't that bad, is it, being the Emissary? A few ceremonies, an occasional blessing. I didn't say it was that bad. It's just hard getting used to being a religious icon. Really? I think I'd like it. Kira to Sisko. Go ahead. You'd better get out here. There's something coming through the wormhole. A lightship. I don't know where it came from. According to remote sensors, it never entered the wormhole. From these readings I'd say that ship's about 300 years old. Life signs? There's someone on board-- a Bajoran. Try hailing them. No response. Whoever's in there could be injured. Tractor the ship into transporter range and beam the passenger directly into the lnfirmary. He's a little disoriented. I'm Captain Benjamin Sisko. You're aboard a Federation space station near Bajor. This is Kira Nerys, my First Officer. Who are you? I am the Emissary. I was headed back to Bajor. My lightship was caught in an ion storm. It nearly tore it apart. A girder came loose from the bulkhead and impaled me through the shoulder, here. I remember thinking I was going to die alone in space when a strange opening appeared in the sky. I was terrified at first and then, I realized what was happening. The Prophets were opening the gates of the Celestial Temple and drawing me to them. What happened then? It's difficult to describe. They took the form of people that I know-- my grandfather, my brother-- so they could communicate with me. You spoke to them? I didn't have to. I could sense their understanding, their grace. I've never felt such bliss. And then they healed me. A light washed over me and then, my wound was gone. They gave me back my life. I felt reborn. When exactly did you leave Bajor? Oh, it couldn't have been more than a few days ago. What was the year? 9174. That was over 200 years ago. 200 years? My wife... my parents... they're gone. If you give us your name maybe we can contact your descendants. Let them know you're... a-alive. Akorem. Akorem Laan. But I have no descendants. My brother died last winter and my wife and I never had children. Akorem Laan, the poet? I'm a poet, yes. You wrote Kitara 's Song and The Call ofthe Prophets? You know my work? You're considered one of the greatest poets of Bajor. Every schoolchild can recite Gaudaal's Lament from memory. People still read my work, after all this time? Perhaps that's part of the Prophets' plan for me. Their plan? It's not clear to me yet why they made me their Emissary but I know they gave me back my life for a reason. Akorem, a great deal has happened since you've been gone. Maybe Major Kira can spend some time filling you in. "Major Kira"? That's right. But your family would be part of the artist D'jarra. D'jarra? Bajor used to have a strict caste system. A person's work was dictated by what family they were born into. You no longer follow your D'jarras? When the Cardassians occupied Bajor we gave up the D'jarras, so that we could fight them. We all became soldiers. The Cardassians occupied Bajor? For over 50 years. It seems you're right, Captain. A great deal has happened since I've been gone. If you look at the prophecies about the Emissary a lot of them make much more sense with Akorem in the picture. Really? Every text I've read says that the Prophets will name their Emissary by calling him to them that he would find the Celestial Temple that there, the Prophets would give him back his life. Go on. They didn't give me back my life. Not literally, but they did help you get your life back together. True enough, but I wasn't the first one to find the wormhole, or to meet the Prophets. Akorem was. Benjamin, I thought you didn't believe in the prophecies. I don't. Then why are you using them to justify giving up your position? I guess I was looking for something to convince me that I was making the right decision. So your mind's made up? You're going to step aside? Akorem will make a far better Emissary than I ever was. He's Bajoran. He's a revered poet, and he wants the job. Besides, Starfleet will be thrilled. They never liked the idea that the Bajorans saw me as a religious figure. How do you know the Bajorans will accept Akorem as their new Emissary? I talked to Vedek Porta. He seems to think that as long as I make it clear that I'm stepping aside voluntarily, they will. So you're off the hook. How does it feel? It feels, uh... good. No more ceremonies to attend. No more blessings to give. No more prophecies to fulfill. I'm just a Starfleet officer again. All I have to worry about are the Klingons the Dominion and the Maquis. I feel like I'm on vacation. Chief! Congratulations, Dad. You heard? Great news, my friend. Come have a drink. Celebrate. I really should be getting home. Oh, just one. All right. Quark, did you hear? Chief O'Brien is having a baby. I thought your females carried your young. My wife. My wife is having the baby. Congratulations. I remember when my nephew Nog was a baby. Cutest thing you ever saw. You know babies. Every little thing they pick up goes straight into their ears. Oh, I used to love reading to him. You know, "See Brak acquire. Acquire, Brak, acquire." Just think. Soon there'll be two little O'Briens scampering about underfoot. Hard to believe, isn't it? Mind you, they do say the second one is easier since you've already been through all the diapers and the endless crying and the sleepless nights. Yeah. Cheers. Oh... cheers. Is something wrong, Chief? No. Nothing at all. I couldn't be happier. Did you hear? Keiko's going to have another baby. Now? ! No. Seven months. I see. Worf delivered Molly, you know. Really? The Enterprise was damaged. Keiko and he were trapped together when her time came. Oh, well, I'll, uh, be sure and call you when she's ready to deliver. You can lend a hand. Seven months? Unfortunately, I will be away from the station at that time. Far away. Visiting my parents on Earth. Excuse me. I don't know who's more anxious about this baby, you or Worf. The thing is, Julian now that Molly's a little older I was hoping to be able to spend some time with Keiko again. I thought we could... I don't know... go out at night. Don't get me wrong. I know once I hold my little baby in my arms I'll be the happiest man in the world, but... I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. How about a game of darts? Don't you have to go home? Yeah. Major, come to see Akorem speak? The Emissary's first public appearance? I wouldn't miss it. I'm surprised to hear you call him that. Why? Akorem Laan was... is a great man. He's been with the Prophets for over 200 years and now they sent him back to us. Yes, but two days ago, you believed Captain Sisko was the Emissary. Well, he made it clear, he wants to step aside. Does that mean he never really was the Emissary? No. But they can't both be. I don't know. What do you want from me, Odo? Forgive me, Major. I don't mean to be difficult but your faith seems to have led you to something of a contradiction. I don't see it as a contradiction. I don't understand. That's the thing about faith-- if you don't have it, you can't understand it and if you do, no explanation is necessary. Ever since the Prophets returned me to my people I've asked myself the same questions over and over again. Why did they keep me with them for so long? Why did they return me to my people now? I now know the answers. Bajor suffered a great wound while I was with the Prophets-- the Cardassian Occupation. The Bajor that I've returned to has lost its way. People no longer follow the path the Prophets have laid out for them. They no longer follow their D'jarras. Artists have become soldiers. Priests have become merchants. Farmers have become politicians. We must heal the wounds of the occupation. We must return to our D'jarras. We must reclaim what we were and follow the path the Prophets have laid out for us. It is their will that farmers return to their land painters to their canvasses, priests to their temples. If we do this, if we follow our D'jarras, then Bajor will flourish again and become the green and peaceful land I remember. It will be as if the occupation never happened. By returning to our D'jarras, we will have erased it forever. I wanted to talk to you before you left for Bajor. Of course. I was surprised by your speech. I had no idea you were going to advocate change on such a massive scale. It's what the Prophets want for Bajor. It's why they sent me. Are you sure of that? Absolutely. The Emissary knows that what he's proposing will be difficult for some people to accept. He doesn't expect things to change overnight. So you're not going to ask First Minister Shakaar to step down and go back to farming? No, of course not. But frankly, by the next election I doubt very many people will be left on Bajor who would elect a farmer to political office. We hope that, eventually, the people will support enforcement of the D'jarras by legal sanction. So if someone defies their caste...? Society will have appropriate remedies at its disposal such as deportation. You realize that caste-based discrimination goes against the Federation Charter. If Bajor returns to the D'jarra system I have no doubt that its petition to join the Federation will be rejected. Kai Winn and I have already discussed it. We're willing to make that sacrifice in order to follow the will of the Prophets. I had a feeling Winn would see it that way. Well, the Emissary's transport leaves shortly. As a Starfleet officer, I am bound by oath not to interfere with Bajoran affairs but... as a friend to Bajor I have to say giving up Federation membership would be a mistake. Oh. Your pagh is strong. I see now why Kai Opaka believed you were the Emissary and why Winn fears you. Good-bye, Captain. Good-bye, Emissary. Morning. Guess I'll have to take my raktajino with me. Please, sit here. You're not finished. I'll find someplace else to sit. You don't have to get up for me. You're lh 'valla. I'm te'nari. It's been going on all morning... whenever someone with a higher- ranking D'jarra comes in. I guess I'll have to get used to being treated like that. I remember when I got promoted to Lieutenant it took me a while to get used to being called "sir" by my friends who were still Ensigns. But that's different. You'd earned the right to be treated with respect. I haven't done anything. Sounds like you have some reservations about bringing back the D'jarras. I have some questions, sure. The Emissary is asking something very difficult of us but we have to have faith that he's guiding us towards something. Even if what he's guiding you towards doesn't include the Federation? It's not our place to question the Emissary. No matter what? Maybe you never realized this, Captain but we would have tried to do whatever you asked of us when you were Emissary no matter how difficult it seemed. I better get to Ops. Who are you? Kai Opaka. Who are you? What are you doing here? How did you...? Who are you? Don't you know me? Know you? How can I know someone who doesn't know himself? I think you had what the Bajorans call an "Orb shadow." Sometimes, people who have been exposed to the Orbs of the Prophets experience hallucinations weeks, even months later. What triggers them? An excess of neuropeptides. I can give you an inhibitor to make sure it never happens again. Of course, if I do, you risk never finding out. Finding out what? The Bajorans believe you only have a shadow experience when you ignore what the Prophets' have been trying to tell you during an Orb encounter. Interesting. So... any idea what they might have been trying to tell you? Sure. That I have too many neuropeptides rolling around in my head. A bird is a difficult thing to sculpt. Maybe you should have started with something simpler. Come in! Come in! Services are about to begin. But I can tell I have no aptitude for it. That's because you didn't give yourself over to what you were doing. How can you say that? I was up half the night. I have a, a flock of flightless birds in my quarters. But you're still wearing that uniform. You're still clinging to a false life. You must do what the Emissary has asked and follow your D'jarra with all your heart because if you give yourself over to the Prophets, they will guide you along the path they've chosen for you... and you'll know more joy than you ever thought possible. That a girl. Good shot, Molly! Did I win? We're just practicing. We'll play a game later. Try another one. Miles? Oh, uh... that's mine. Don't worry- - I only wear it in the holosuites. I suppose Julian has one, too. You two certainly spent a lot of time in the holosuites. Well, you should be glad. It kept me out of trouble. Remind me to thank Julian next time I see him. Mmm... Want to try for twins? I don't think it works that way. You'd better brush up on your biology. Teach me. Look, I drew a pony. Oh. Let's see. Does your pony have a name? I don't know. Miles, I still have a lot of specimens I've got to catalog for the survey. Go ahead. I'll play with Molly. Oh, Miles, it's good to be home. Come on, Molly, let's play darts. Now, remember what I said about the right way to stand? Let's try again. I don't want to. Can Daddy color, too? I'm coloring. The four-shift rotation also seems to be improving performance. Less mistakes due to fatigue. Fine. Let's make the change permanent. Anything else? I was wondering if, in the next few days you would have the time to meet with Major Jatarn. Sure. Is something wrong, sir? I'm sorry. I just received a communiqué from Starfleet Command responding to my report on the Bajoran situation. That bad? Not yet, but I can read between the lines. I was sent here to help bring Bajor into the Federation. That doesn't look like much of a possibility anymore. As far as Starfleet is concerned I have failed my mission. That's not fair. It's not your fault. It is from where they're sitting. The irony is, Starfleet was always trying to get me to distance myself from this Emissary business. And now that I have... Maybe I could talk to First Minister Shakaar about sending Starfleet a communiqué explai... Thanks. It-it'll blow over. It's not that. I guess I'm just feeling... I did fail. Sir... Anyway, why did you want me to meet Jatarn? We can talk about that another time. What is it, Major? I think he'd make an excellent First Officer. As soon as you can find someone to take my post I'm going to resign my commission. To follow your... D'jarra. I'm planning to move back to the Dahkur Province. There are a lot of artists who live in the capital and I have a friend there who's willing to apprentice me. I'm sorry. The last thing I want to do is to add to your problems. This is something I have to do. If, um... if you don't hit it off with Major Jatarn, um I can think of a few other people. It shouldn't be that hard to find someone to replace me. I don't doubt that I can find someone to fill your post... but to replace you...? Computer, time. 1921 hours. Where's Dr. Bashir? Dr. Bashir is in Quark's bar. Well, I'm chasing a triple 17 and a bull, Morn. Got some catching up to do. Chief! Excuse me. Julian. How have you been? Not bad. You? Oh, you know, all right. I was heading home. Thought I'd stop in for a quick pint. It's been a while, eh? Ha. Seems like weeks. I see you found someone to play darts with. Oh, uh... I've set a board up in our quarters so Molly and I can play. Well, Morn's, um... he's pretty good. So's Molly. -It's not the same. -It's not the same. I mean, Molly's just a kid. You know, we've been playing with magnets. Morn couldn't hit a Yridian yak at five paces. We were evenly matched. We had a good rivalry going on. Yeah, kept us sharp. Exactly. You're late. What do you mean? It's Thursday, and I've got your usual holosuite reserved. Didn't you cancel? Actually, I was, um, hoping maybe... No, no, l-l-l got to get home. What about you, Doctor? The Battle of Britain awaits. And you know my policy on cancellations-- no refunds. Go ahead. Maybe Morn's better in the cockpit of a spitfire than he is at darts. Ah, it wouldn't be the same. Um. You're right. Morn probably doesn't even know where England is. I'll see you. Odo to Sisko. Go ahead. You'd better come down to the Promenade. Someone's been killed. What happened? We don't know yet. He fell from the second level. His neck was broken on impact. Did anyone see it happen? I did. Was it an accident? I pushed him. His family name is lmutta. Their D'jarra is unclean. They prepare the dead for burial. I asked him to set the proper example and resign from our order. He refused. You killed him because of his D'jarra? I had to. If a Vedek can't do what the Emissary has asked of us how can we expect anyone else to? Get him out of here. I regret what happened here today as much as you do, but change is never easy. The road that the Prophets have asked us to walk won't always be a smooth one. And forcing people to follow their D'jarras won't make it any smoother. What happened on the Promenade was just the beginning. Must I remind you, Captain? I'm merely fulfilling the will of the Prophets. How do you know that? I'm the Emissary. And what you've done with the position has made me wish I had never given it up. But you did, and it was the right decision. You never truly accepted the role in the first place. I'm willing to accept it now. You're challenging my claim. You've left me no choice. If we went to the people and asked them to choose between us, it would be chaos. I don't want to divide Bajor any more than you do. It wouldn't be divided for long, because in the end, the people would choose me. My claim was foretold in the ancient texts. I was the first to find the wormhole. I was the first to be with the Prophets. They gave me back my life. We're not going to settle this by arguing over ancient texts. Then how? There's only one way to be sure which one of us is the Emissary. We have to go to the wormhole and ask the Prophets. Going to half thrusters. Now what? We wait. You are the Sisko. This is the one that was injured. Yes, I was. And you gave me back my life, just as the texts foretold. Why are you here? To... prove to this nonbeliever that you sent me to put Bajor back on the right path. Please, tell him you chose me to be the Emissary. Tell that him that I fulfilled the ancient prophecies that I was the first to find the Celestial Temple. I was the first to meet with you. He came to you centuries later. First... later... They have no meaning to us. The Bajorans believe that you are their Prophets. That you have chosen one of us to be your Emissary. We... are of Bajor. Go on. They are linear. It limits them. They do not understand. But we want to understand. That's why we're here. You saved his life. Why? He was injured. We kept him with us. So that I would be spared the occupation. So that I could bring the D'jarras back to Bajor. Is that true? Is that what you want? The D'jarras are part of what the Sisko would call the past. The Sisko taught us that for you what was can never be again. If the D'jarras belong in the past why did you send me into the future? For the Sisko. For me? You're saying that he's your Emissary. He is the Sisko. Then I've been wrong... about everything. You should have let me die. We still can. We can return him to the moment we found him. Allow him to die. No. Why not return him to his own time as he is now-- uninjured-- so that he can get back safely to Bajor? He would remember nothing of what has happened. I could be with my wife and family. I'm ready to go home. Why? Why do you stay here? Because I still have questions. We are of Bajor. What does that mean? You... are of Bajor. You know, Molly really loves that book Jake gave her. She made me read it to her three times before she fell asleep. I'm going to be working another few hours. Well, that's okay. I'll, uh... I'll read. If you want to go do something... No. I'm fine. Miles, I promised I wouldn't say anything but it's about Julian. What about him? I ran into him the other day and he seemed depressed. He'd never admit it, but he really misses you. Poor guy. No family to come home to every night. Maybe you should go find him. You know, cheer him up a little. Depressed, is he? Very. Maybe I should go spend an hour with him. Maybe two. I'm a lucky man. Keiko to Dr. Bashir. Go ahead. Julian, it's about Miles. I promised I wouldn't tell anyone but he's been really depressed lately. Oh. I want you to have this. It's an original Kira Nerys. It could be very valuable one day. I hear she didn't make many. I thought your speech went very well yesterday. It was the right thing to do. I wanted everyone to know what happened to Akorem and that the Prophets said nothing about returning to the D'jarras. Just about everyone was relieved to hear it. It's your own fault. I can't believe you didn't cover me. How was I to know you were going to insult the King of Leinster? -Ah! -In his own keep! I was just reading one of Akorem's poems-- The Call ofthe Prophets. Oh, that's one of my favorites. It's a shame he never finished it. He did. Look. This is confusing. The last time I read this poem, it ended after the 12th stanza. If the timeline's been changed then why do I remember things the way they used to be? The Prophets work in mysterious ways. Excuse me, sir. Yes? Sorry to bother you, but tomorrow after evening services in the Temple we're having my daughter's ih 'tanu ceremony. She's turning 14. Happy birthday. We were wondering if there's any chance you could come and give her your blessing. It would mean so much to us. I'd be happy to. Thank you, Emissary. You're welcome. On the last Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: I'm so glad the trial is over because now we can get to all those things we've been putting off. Sounds like somebody got a little booty duty, huh, Uncle Phil? Daddy, Pemberton Modeling Agency wants me to sign with them. Come on, Uncle Phil, this is Ashley's big chance for me to meet Naomi Campbell. - They're talking about putting me in a show. - A big show. After which, all the models are gonna wanna come home with Ashley and have coffee. Geoffrey, start making some damn coffee. Sweetheart, I don't have time right now. I've gotta meet with Joe Winters. Joe Winters? Honey, you know how I feel about you going into politics. Of course I do, sweetheart. I'm just being polite. That man is on thin ice. I'll alert the fish. You know, Phil, everything that you've been saying resonates with the people in our community. That's why we're so thrilled that you've decided to run. What? I want my husband back. Vivian, this is a great opportunity. - For whom? - For all of us. The only thing I see is that somewhere along the way "us" became you. And frankly, I'm not gonna take it anymore. And what is that supposed to mean? Goodbye. I am having a terrible day. John Felipe canceled my hair appointment. Kim Cho chipped one of my nails Moishe ran out of potato latkes and I can see Jose didn't cut the grass. Hilary, your parents just broke up. Oh, great. On top of it all, now I'm an orphan? Hilary, you're 27. I know. No one adopts anyone over 9. Good morning. Way to put on the game face, Big Guy. Hey, Uncle Phil I just want you to know that it's okay for a man to cry. Look, kids, there's nothing to be concerned about. Your mother and I just had a silly little misunderstanding. She'll be back before lunch. It's no big deal. Well, I'd like to go on record here and now that I, for one, am not concerned. I'm on your team, Governor Banks. Mm. Mm-mm-mm. Dinner smells delicious. What do you have in that pot? Boiling water, sir. No one boils water like you, Geoffrey. - Anyone check the mail? - It's on the counter, sir. Ah, this modern communications you mail something off yesterday and it's here today. Boy, there are all kinds of ways to keep in touch. Any messages for me? No messages. Why should there be? There's always someone here to answer the phone. Any calls for me? Well, there was one. Yes, I knew it. So who was it? Your skirt steaks are down at the depot. They'll be here by morning. Hey, Uncle Phil, so how's the single life? Ha, ha, ha. - That's not funny. - You are so right. - Has your Aunt Viv called? - Yeah, she called a little while ago. And what does she have to say about me, huh? Nothing. "Nothing," nothing? She didn't even mention my name? - Oh, well, yeah, she mentioned your name. - Well, what'd she say? - Oh, yeah, it was completely out of context. - Well, tell me. Tell me. Well, she said, "Did you talk to your mom back in Phil-adelphia?" Hey, come on, Uncle Phil. I'm sure Aunt Viv is gonna be back real soon. Dad, what if she's not home soon? Don't you think maybe she's waiting for you to go get her? Losing proposition. Can only weaken your position. Besides, they're in her camp. If you want my advice, nothing says "I want you back" like jewelry. You know, there's something to that. Unless, of course, they're setting us up. Well, she was upset, maybe a gift isn't a bad idea. You know, I been a little unhappy with you too, Uncle Phil. Yeah, you know, I been thinking about leaving. Leave. Glad you keep that sense of humor, Uncle Phil. Heh. Vivian, girl, you watching a talk show? Please, the Bulls are playing. The Bulls? Since when are you a sports enthusiast? Child, please. Since Michael Jordan went back to the NBA and started wearing them shorts again. Ah! Look at those buns. Booyah! Whoo! - Go away. Open the door, Helen. It's Philip. I'd give him a blast of pepper spray but I'm afraid he'd just eat it. Let him in. Coming. - Daddy. Ha, ha, ha. How you doing, buddy? You having a good time here at your Aunt Helen's? Yeah. She's teaching me all kinds of cool stuff, fat-head. Ha, ha, ha. Honey. Honey, please. You mustn't repeat things Aunt Helen tell you. Ha, ha, ha. Come on. Let's go upstairs and watch the game. Come on. What are you doing here? I was just driving around the neighborhood. I heard they were... They had this... This thing down at that place I hadn't... I miss you, Vivian. I'm sorry for not including you in my decision to enter politics. I was wrong. Can we just put this behind us? And I bought you a little something. Oh, Tiffany's. Get it appraised! This is beautiful, Philip. Thank you. Now, can we just go home? I can't tell you how happy I am you're giving up politics. I never said I was giving up politics. - Yes, you did. - No, I didn't. I said I was sorry for not including you in my decision to enter politics. I never said anything about not entering. You came all the way down here and nothing has changed? Vivian, I know that you don't love politics, but... - This is not about politics. It's about us. - What are you talking about? I want what I thought we've wanted all the time and now all of a sudden, you want something completely different. Vivian, I came all the way down here, I said I was sorry, I said I was wrong. - Now, what more do you want from me? - Right now, I want you to leave. If I leave I'm not coming back, Vivian. Good. Because when I walk out that door, I'm gone. I'm moving closer to the door, Vivian. This is your last chance. I mean it. Oh, for God's sake, would you leave already! I think it's so romantic, Dad going to get Mom. It's like in that movie where after a big fight, the wife stays with her sister and the next day the husband buys her something expensive and she returns home. Hil, that's not a movie, that's what happened. Oh, well, someone should make a movie of it. Oh, where's Mom? - Is she outside? - No. - What, she's in the car? - I'm gonna go get her bags. - She's not out there. Good Lord, what did you do to her? Don't worry, Big Guy, I got you covered. He was with me the whole time. She's at your Aunt Helen's. Well, what happened? Nothing. And nothing's gonna happen. This sounds a little serious. Can you imagine if they never got back together? Has anybody seen my hat? Where the hell is my hat? Dad? You're not hiding my hat so I have to stay home again, are you? Oh, do you really have to go to work? I'm lonely. Yes, Dad. And what are you doing out of your room? I wanna hear another story. Okay. You wanna hear another story. Once upon a time a little girl could've been a supermodel but her parents got divorced and she lost it all. The end. Wanna hear another? No. No. Save something for tonight. Can't you stay a few more minutes? I could if the car wasn't repossessed and if I didn't have to walk to work. Exercise would do you good. Was that a fat joke? - Would you care for something to drink? - Yes, please. You rang, Master Geoffrey? What took you so long? Two more, please, Philip. - Fluff those cushions. - Yes. Yes. Dust the bookshelf. Clean the bathroom upstairs. Shine the mirror. Straighten the pictures. Tidy the plants. Get me a rose. For the love of God, man, shred, shred, shred. If I could just figure out who's been leaking all this to the press. It must be an inside job. Geoffrey, keep shredding. Yes, sir. Carlton. Oh, don't worry, Big Guy, I'm taking care of our little problem. Our little problem? Heh, heh, heh. Son, what were you thinking? What was I thinking? I told you everything I was doing. You were involved every step of the way. I have no recollection of the event in question. No recollection? It was all for you. Ever since Mom left, it's all been for you. I have no recollection of the event in question. I just wanted to stop by and tell you that even though your parents are divorced you're still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Thank you very much. Now, be gone. So, what'd you wanna ask me? Katie, look, you know, we've been dating each other for a long time now and I just wanna tell you that I've never loved anybody the way that I love you. Katie will you marry...? - Hey, what up, dawg? What it be like? I've been out traveling the world and... Whoa. Who is this lovely young lady? - Oh, Uncle Phil, this is Katie. - Ah. Katie, Katie, Katie. Sexy lady. Will's told me an awful lot about you but what he failed to tell me was you were so good-Iooking. Heh, heh. Yeah, well, the young brother gets convenient amnesia every once in a while. You know what I'm saying. Heh, heh, heh. Hey, Uncle Phil, can I rap to you for a sec? - Oh, yeah. Sure. Sure. - Excuse us, Katie. You stay there, baby. Um, Uncle Phil, I'm in the middle of something important right now. Oh! My bad. Hey, you know. Because... Well, you know. Let me just go on upstairs here and take a shower because I'm feeling kind of dirty. - How about I shower with you? - Ooh. Hey, hey, hey, Uncle Phil. Hey, hey, hey, don't be a player hater, my brother. Every time. Every damn time. Every time! - Will. - Every time I turn around it's the same thing! - Will. - Over and over! Uh... We need to get them two back together. Come on, come on. Come on. - Are you sure about this place, Will? - Sure? Come on, it's great food and grass skirts and great live entertainment. Tall and tan and young and lovely - A girl from lpanema goes walking - He's butchering it. And when she passes Each one she passes goes, "Ah" When she walks, she's like a samba She swings so cool and sways so gentle That when she passes Each one she passes goes, "Ooh" Now, that's how it's supposed to be done. - I'm out of here. - Wait, wait. Wait a minute, Uncle Phil. Now, I didn't wanna have to make the hard sell, but... Excuse me. - they got three pages worth of pork dishes up in here. Well, since we're already here... Heh, heh, heh. I'll tell you, Viv. I come here all the time. They got food, entertainment and men in grass skirts. Look at that. Ha, ha! Come here, boy. Come back here. Ha, ha. They wouldn't let me bring my leaf blower. Whoo-hoo-hoo! Look who is here. Oh, hey, what a small world. It just got smaller. Boy, are we gonna have a good time. Whoo-whoo! I can feel the love in this room. Yeah. You know, I don't know if it's possible or even safe to have any more fun than we're having right now, but let's give it a shot. - Uncle Phil, how about some karaoke? - No. Okay, fine. That's just like you. If it's not your idea, you don't wanna do it. - What? - Okay, you know what? That's it. We are getting up from this table. - You two are gonna sit here and talk. Where are you...? And I'm taking the keys. I got the keys. See? See? Hey? I don't hear nothing. Stop in the name of love Before you break my heart Think it over Well, I guess I could take a cab. That's right, run right back to campaign central. Give it a rest, Vivian. - What's the matter, can't take the truth? - The truth is you overreacted. I did not overreact. You lied. Reunited And it feels so good Go on, kiss her, Phil, baby Reunited and it's understood Vivian, I told you I was sorry. I don't know how many ways to say it. I was wrong. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the 28 years of dreaming and waiting for when we'd be in a position to have some time to ourselves. Now I find out it's all a lie. Vivian, I didn't lie. Philip, you must make a pact Ooh You gonna bring my Aunt Viv back - Ooh Where there is love, you'll be there Just look over your shoulders, Philip Philip, I stood behind you. I supported you. I rooted for you every step of the way. But the long nights and the dinners alone and the postponed vacations were not supposed to last forever. They won't. Just because I'm running for political office doesn't mean I'm gonna win. Philip, you win at everything. Ha, ha. Touché, you got me there. Ha, ha, ha. Philip, you always said that spending time with me and the family was the most important thing to you. It is. Why can't we have it all? Can we? Can you honestly sit there and tell me I can have my husband back, the kids can have their father back and you can serve in office all at the same time? Can you say that to me? I want to but I can't. Look, Vivian, I didn't lie. I want the same things that you want and maybe I did overlook a few things before I decided to run for office. I love you. What am I gonna do with all those campaign buttons? - Come on, let's get out of here. - Good. - Wait. Hold up, hold up. Where y'all going? Wait a minute. Come on, we got one more number. Yeah, come on, y'all, this is our big finish. Day-o - Day-o Ay-yay-yay-yay! Oh! - It's day-o - It's day-o Daylight come and me wanna go home Bree-ba-ba! Bree-ba-ba! Day-o Day-o It's day-o - It's day-o Rasta! Ba! Daylight come and me wanna go home Well, what next? You kicked the bucket, Deputy. You know what that means, don't you? No, what? You kicked the bucket! - Never mind. - You need a towel. - I'll get a mop. - All right. Man, I didn't think making some extra money would be this much work. Caleb! Electrocution, people. Intubate and run some Ringer's. We need a crash cart, stat. I'm on it, Doctor. Low B.P. On my count. One, two, three. - Get respiratory down here. - I'm on it. I don't want him to die, Doctor. Well, how about that? We're on the same team for once. - Okay, gel him up. Charge the paddles. - All right, Doctor. Let's go. Come on, what are you waiting for? Could I just get in here, right away. - Paddles? - Paddles ready. Let's go. Let's get it on him. Okay, I've got the third line in. - All right, go. - Clear. - Clear. - Back integrators are ready. Pump his arms. - Is he breathing? - Yeah. Start hyperventilating. Get respiratory down here, now. Does anybody know how much current the pathway took? Charging. Come on, kid, hang in there. No response, Doctor. Come on, Caleb. Still got nothing. No pulse. No blood. - Merly? - Hello, Caleb. We pushed two amps of bicarb. Get respiratory down here. Yes, sir. I'm dead, ain't I? God's plan works for us all. Still flat-line, Doctor. Clear. - Anything? - Nothing. I always figured I'd be afraid. - Well, you belong here. - I couldn't agree more. Although it just may be that your timing is off a little bit. You see, Caleb, your sister isn't telling you everything. You still have a choice. Why didn't you tell me, Merly? Because she's afraid, Caleb. She's afraid if you live a long and healthy life... you'll make all the wrong choices. See? There's that word again, "choice." You don't want me to go, do you? I love you, Caleb. It's your choice. Not much time, son. Can you come with us? Caleb... take my hand. ...about 45%. There he comes. - Congratulations, Doctor. - Let's keep him stabilized. What's his B.P.? Yes, he is. Would you like to speak with him? - Yeah. - It's for you, Mr. Rolston. - Rolston, is that you? - Yeah, it's me. - Thank God. Are you all right? - I'm all right. - We're gonna send that ransom... - No, not the entire amount... No, you are not running a board meeting now, pig-head. Yeah, and if your flunkies don't come up with the rest of the cash... you're going to be one redundant C.E.O. "Redundant C.E.O."? What the hell kind of talk is that? It means we're gonna cap this old bastard if there's a slip-up. - Right, Ted? - That's right. Why the personal animosity? People, let's just keep this business, okay? Business? Is that what you call it? A million people die from lung cancer, but to you it's business? That's so immature. Could we all please just shut up and get in the house? Good idea. Let's go. Come on. I want to go over this one more time with you, Teddy. The rest of the money's gonna be in a car. It's gonna be parked and the motor's gonna be running. And I'm gonna be across the street with Jeri. I'll make the pick-up, and we'll be back within an hour. Now, you watch over this guy till we get back. Good. Just like a good Samaritan. Hey, what are we waiting on, a team prayer? Let's go. - So you feel okay? - I feel fine. You sure? Well, maybe a little woozy. Yeah, you did take enough voltage to light up a whole county. Anyhow, where we're going... you can just relax and... take it nice and easy. But I've been laying around as it is. I don't want to lie myself around in a room. Who said anything about lying around? We're going to Simpsonville, buddy. Home of the biggest, meanest, largemouth bass in South Carolina. Come on. Where in the hell are they? This is dumb, Cody. This is the law of diminishing returns. Listen, our hostage is a big-shot tobacco executive, all right? If his idiots were willing to pay $100,000 before for him, they'll pay $200,000 now. - I just think you're pushing it this time. - No, listen to me. Let's just sit tight for 10 more minutes, baby, okay? And when they show up with the rest of the money, we'll go back to the cabin... we'll get rid of Rolston, we'll pick up Ted, and we'll be on our way, that's it. What's the matter? You don't trust him with the money back there? Ted? He's your brother. Yeah, I know he's my brother. I'm asking you if you trust him. - I go with my gut, Cody. - All right, then. Got a real good feeling about Ted. Hungry? Some. I could use a doughnut. Just 'cause I'm in law enforcement... don't mean I've got a bag of doughnuts under the seat. You must have a lot of misperceptions about me, son. I keep an open mind. Good. That's a good trait. What about monsters? Evil spirits and all that? Well, what about them? You believe in them? Depends on what kind. How about something in the woods of Simpsonville? Like a big cat. Only nobody's ever actually seen it. Well, how do they know it exists? Claw marks. Plus the fact there's nobody left out there. Hold on son. Is that Selena? You bet. - Hello, Sheriff. - Miss Coombs. - Hot date? - Maybe. How you doing, Caleb, honey? Fine, thank you, ma'am. We're going fishing. And I see you brought along your own worm. - Well, have fun. - We're planning to. Nothing like a good, old-fashioned, good old boys' fishing trip... just me, Caleb, Billy Peele. Well, your information's not as good as it used to be, Lucas. Billy Peele and I are going to a concert tonight. A concert? Woman, have you got your signals crossed. Floyd, patch me through to Dr. Peele over at the hospital, will you? - What is this, a band concert? - You got it, Lucas. - The symphony. - Well, that'll be fun. Dr. Peele here. What's it now, Buck? Billy boy, I got Caleb here. He was just wanting to make sure you weren't kidding about fishing. Of course not. I just got me a bait-casting rig. I knew you were a man of your word, Doc. I'll tell him. Looks like the symphony will have to wait, huh? Buck? Hello? Let's hurry up and get to Simpsonville. Them bass will be biting in a little while. - You there? - What was that all about? I don't know. I promised Caleb I'd take him fishing next week, when he's feeling better. Know what I'd do in your situation? Bail. - You would. - Yes, I would. Damage control, son. Your partners go down the chute, you start thinking about self-preservation. My partners are fine. Yeah, sure they are. Right in the middle of a capital offense... they stop at a no-tell motel for a quickie. You want me to gag you again? Then shut up! Jumpy, eh? Well, I would be, too, if I was facing life in prison. Or worse. Shut up, will you? You got most of the money. - You don't need me now. - Sit down, Rolston. You just tell them I was already gone when you got back. How will they ever know? Look, you're not calling the shots here, Rolston. Come back here, Rolston, or you're one dead captain of industry. Do you hear me? You stupid old man. Look what you made me do! Well... Well, I can tell this place has got more bass than people, that's for sure. Like I said, the force is with them. The unseen force. You scoff now, friend, but come nightfall... you're gonna be singing a different tune. Come nightfall, I'll be frying bass on the skillet and whistling "Dixie." Well, then, let's get to work. What's wrong? Something. Maybe it's the unseen force. Don't try anything. - Hey! - Trail mix? Actually, it's party mix. Got all these crispy bits in it. - Trail mix? - I made it myself. It's spicy. Thanks. Stay right where you are. I'm not going anywhere. We're on vacation. Oh, God. You're a cop. Lucas Buck. Nice to meet you... I'm not telling you my name. It looks like we're gonna be together a little while. I got to call you something. How about... I'll call you Ted. How'd you know my name? Blind, dumb luck. You just look like a Ted. What's your plan, Ted? - None of your business. - You don't have a plan, Ted? You know what Nietzsche said, Ted. "A man without a plan is not a man." I'd rather have a gun than a plan. Well, that's where you're wrong, son. Ted, you gonna shoot? 'Cause if I'm gonna get shot by a Ted, I'd rather it be sooner than later. I will if I have to. I can see it now, Ted. Your face on the evening news. Headline reads "Cop killer." "Child murderer." Your mama at home watching... - proud of her little boy. - Back off. It's right to the heart. I'd be dead before I even hit the floor. Go for it, Ted. - Caleb. - Yes, sir. - Rustle us up some fishing line. - All right. Lucas, I think you ought to come here a minute. Ted, that man is half-dead. And you halfway took us hostage. - I'm gonna call you Half-Ted. - Shut up. Let me tell you why Half-Ted here is a failure. You know what a conscience is? It's like when you do something wrong and it bothers you. Well, not me. But see, Half-Ted here has half a conscience. A man with a real conscience never would have gotten himself into this pickle. And a man with no conscience would have killed us all, and be in Florida already. So you're saying that Ted's not a bad man? I'm not talking about good or bad, son. I'm talking about survival. Whole, half. Half is nowhere. Half is... - Half. - You've got to take it all the way. That's right. Half-Ted, you're a lousy shot. We'd better get this man to a hospital. Face it. We've been set up. It wasn't no set-up. They must've forgotten. For God's sake, Cody, when are you gonna wake up? They didn't forget anything. There's no car. There's no money. They're not gonna pay another cent for that idiot. Why couldn't we just stick to the plan? When is it enough for you? - I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch. - Oh, yeah, that's great. Yeah, kill the hostage. Why don't we add murder to the list? We better blow out of here now before the cops show up. I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch. - Fulton County Hospital. - Dr. Peele, please. I'm sorry, he's gone for the day. I'll bet he is. Damn! That son of a bitch. It's the heat. What heat? It's just some doofus fisherman. That's a blue car, they don't have any trim on it... it's got a spotlight on the side. That's a cop. I thought you were a tough guy. - A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. - Get down. Don't shoot! It's me! It's me! Come on out, Ted. He can't. I got a gun to his head. Who the hell are you? Sheriff Lucas Buck. There's a young boy in here. Put down your gun and we'll talk about what you do next. You listen to me. You send my brother out right now... or we're gonna shred the place. - Cody, we can't do that. - Why not? - They'll kill Ted first, then they'll take us. - Listen... I'm not going back to prison, all right? If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die right here. You hear me? You send him out or we're gonna shoot! If that's your choice, Ted stays with us. Fire at will. - That bastard's crazy. - No. He's up to something. We'll attack after dark. Get Ted out of there. Kill them all. - What about the kid? - We'll kill him first. - Comfortable, Ted? - No. Good. What are you thinking about? I'm thinking the sun can't go down fast enough. I'm thinking about carving him up like a big goose. Real slow. - Dark meat first. - You always do this. Fly off the handle. How about thinking for a change? Who the hell is this? Billy? Billy, honey, where are you? - Who the hell is Billy? - Who is she? All the backwoods, nowhere spots in South Carolina... and you pick the one everybody else is using. Shut up. Where is he? - Who? - You know who. So you lured me all the way out here? For what? The fishing. We catch them, you cook them. Well, what about him? Shouldn't we get him to the hospital? Back to Dr. Loverboy? The surgeon's surgeon? Miss Coombs, there are armed criminals practically right outside our front door. You'll get back to Professor Magic-Fingers soon enough. You are the coldest man I know. Yeah, but it's what you like. What you've always been attracted to. So save the sermon, Florence Nightingale. Caleb, come here. Who the hell are you? Take a look out there and tell me what you see. I see two people arguing at each other. No, not at all. They're relating to each other. Sharing and caring. In love, you've got to go straight for the heart. That's why they invented the dagger. Miss Coombs is seeing the world through rose-colored glasses these days. Watch this. Hey, Cody, is it? Hey, boy, I want to talk to you. See if we can work this thing out. So I don't have to shoot your brother in the head. Why don't you come out here? Now, why would I do that? I got the money and your brother. You got squat. All right. Are you out of your mind? You don't just stroll up to the sheriff for a little chat. It's all right. I've got a .306 to do my chatting for me. - Well, I'm going, too... - No, you're not. You stay here and cover me. Now, remember, pay close attention. 'Cause this is primarily a lesson about love. And those are some of the subtlest lessons there are. Don't kill me. - Put you out of your misery? - No, thank you. - What do you want? - What do you want? That's the question. I want to get out of here. Well, now, that's what I want, too. I'll tell you what. I'm gonna keep this. 10% off the top. That seems fair, don't it? Okay, you got it. - What about Ted? - Forget Ted. - Okay, but me and Jeri... - Forget Jeri. She's my wife, man. With $100,000, you can go to Fiji and buy six wives. You drive a hard bargain, Sheriff. That I do. The money's over there in that clearing. In a shallow hole. You'll see it. All you got to do is... leave your wife, take the money, and you'll be fine. See, Cody? Ain't that hard to put money before love. Rolston's dead. All right, murderer. Up and at them. I'm gonna show you something. Here's the man you shot in the back. Seeing that makes you feel real proud, don't it? - I didn't mean... - Yes, you did. - Yeah, but I never... - But you did anyway. Look into his eyes, Ted. Look deep into his eyes and tell me what you see, killer. Come back here, Rolston, or you're one dead captain of industry. Do you hear me? You stupid old man. Look what you made me do! Killer. I think it's appropriate that I'm concerned. I mean, the kid just got out of intensive care. They're on a fishing trip, you know? I mean, you sit on your butt and you flick your wrist a lot. He said he would call me and he didn't. Well, maybe he forgot. - It happens. - Look. I just wanna know that they're okay. Can you just pick up the phone... and call somebody in the area to go and check on them? There's nobody in the area, ma'am. It's a ghost town up there. Look, I'm sure they're fine. I'll tell you what. I'll take you there, we'll check it out. - You and me? - Yeah, sure. I'm not doing anything. Thanks. Don't bother. Well, now, y'all might get along... I mean, he's got a little missing person himself. Yeah, that's right. I had a date with Selena Coombs tonight. I went over to her house. There was bags of groceries sitting on the table. Back door was open. It just kind of seemed to me like she had left in a little bit of a hurry. Can I give you nice people a little bit of advice? Now, Lucas and Selena... you know, they fight, and they may stray a little bit now and then... but those two are soldered together at the hip. You still want to go? Well, you go up Barrow Road North till you hit Castle Haney... you turn right... Can you ever forgive me? I didn't mean to do it. I swear I didn't. Look, Mr. Rolston. I'll forgive you if you forgive me, okay? Because I really need to sleep now. Hello, ma'am. That's close enough. If you come any closer, you can kiss your puberty goodbye. - Whatever that is. - What do you want? Just to see how you're doing. Put your hands on your head. - What for? - On your head, fuzz bean! I know you've been out here for a long time. So I figured you might want to join us for a spell. - We got tuna sandwiches. - Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna give myself up for some lousy tuna fish. I know. I came for some bass myself. But sometimes you've just got to make concessions. - How's Ted? Did you guys feed him? - Ted? - Oh, no, he's long gone. - What? Sheriff Buck took him to the clearing with Cody. - Clearing? - Well, they're both there now. It should be interesting, too. Sheriff Buck told Cody about you two. Us two? What do you mean? You know, about you two, being together and all. Cody will kill him. Especially when poor old Ted ain't got no gun. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, ma'am. - I ought to shoot the messenger. - I wouldn't. It's gonna be a long night. And you might need every bullet in that gun. Glad to be of help, ma'am. She acted just like you said she would. Went running after her honey. Were you afraid? She had a gun pointed to my head. What a man you are, Lucas. Sending a 10-year-old out to face a gun. - Were you afraid? - No. That's because we knew she wasn't gonna use that gun. Not on you. Not after what you told her. She became suddenly preoccupied. Right? Could only think about her love... and how she had to run back and save the dope. Caleb could have been killed. You know that never would've happened. Caleb, this romantic love thing... - What do you know about it? - From observation, quite a bit. It's really an addiction, no different than booze or drugs or cigarettes. And when you're in its clutches you no longer see the truth. You become totally selfish. Look who's talking. And selfless at the same time. It makes you... stupid. Take Miss Coombs here. - She's not stupid. - Thank you, darling. I'm not saying she is. I'm just using her as an example. Why don't you use yourself as an example, Socrates? Because I lack the imagination. I could never imagine myself in what you call "love". I know. But Miss Coombs can. She'd willingly become a slave to it. Because she believes that's the thing to want... to strive for, the jackpot, from what I can tell. Like tonight, we're enjoying our tuna sandwiches, aren't we? And once upon a time, Miss Coombs loved her tuna sandwiches. It was a pleasure to watch her eat one. She would relish it. She'd lick around the edges of the sandwich, getting all the excess tuna... before she'd take her first bite. And then her mouth would open... and she would begin devouring it. You listening, Caleb? I don't think he should be. Can I have another soda? But tonight, we didn't know Miss Coombs was gonna be here. If we did, we'd have brought more food. I might even have brought a good bottle of wine. But it didn't matter. We offered her part of our supper, and she said no. Not out of politeness, but... because she was preoccupied. Thinking about what, Selena? - You're a bastard. - Your love? The more the appetite goes or it becomes voracious... pleasures disappear... tension comes over the face and body... and the addict takes over the soul. How unattractive. Caleb, can I have a drink of your soda? Sure. - Thank you. - You're welcome. What a bastard. Where is it? That bastard. Buck? Is that you? No, it's me. Oh, baby. It's good to see you. Come on over here and help me dig. - Where is he, Cody? - Who? Ted, your brother, remember? He's over there in that damn cabin. You know where he is. Where is that money? So, which is it, Cody? You killed Ted for his share of the money... or because of us? What "us"? Us, Cody. Me and Ted. Don't play dumb with me. I know they told you. Where'd you think we were all those nights, darling? Out masterminding your next half-baked, idiotic job? What are you talking about? - Your brother, you moron. - You sick whore. You and my own brother. Bitch. I'm gonna kill that kid. I'm gonna kill them all. He said to go left at the fork. That's where we screwed up. - Let's just turn around and go back. - No. Come on, it's turning into this wild goose chase. You said yourself you didn't have anything better to do. - All right, then, what about you? - What about me? I don't know, it seems kind of weird. You and Lucas Buck. And what's so weird about it? Well, the guy's got the morals of a sewer rat... and, I don't know, you seem to me to be a pretty nice girl. Lucas' morals, or lack of, are none of your damn business. Hey, I'm sorry I brought it up. You know, and who are you to talk? You're the one who's doing it with the town tramp. Oh, I see, this is great. I mean, we can trash her morals up and down... but let ye not cast the stone at Saint Lucas Buck. Touché. Think it's true, what Ben said? - About them being joined at the hip? - I don't know. I don't really know that much about her past, you know? And frankly, I don't give a damn. Well, we're both in the same boat, aren't we? Yeah, I just wish this boat had a compass because, baby, we are lost. You got 10 minutes. I want the money and I want Ted, or I swear to God I'll kill you all. Life lesson, son. When you rile a woman... there is no place to hide. - Can you hear me, Buck? - She is pretty angry. Love will do that. I thought she was after the money. Well, they always are. But you see that worthless boy-man over there? That's what she really wants. She will chase him to the ends of the Earth and never be happy. Maybe she's in love. Did you ever think of that? Maybe she's in heat. Wants to hurt the man she really loves. So, how are we gonna stop her from hurting us? - I don't know. - You visualize. It's like looking down into a still, dark lake. Where the bass hide. You can't see them, but you can see them. Visualize. Visualize. You practice in your mind what you want to happen... and it does. Visualize. You ready to try it with me? Don't be afraid. I'm not. Thank God, Ted, you're alive. I thought Cody killed you. How'd you get away? Well, don't worry about him. I took care of him. No more bullying... no more shooting speed, no more abuse... no more Cody. You're salty. Were you crying? Oh, baby. It's okay now. It's just us two. How was it? It was hard. You look a little woozy. That's maybe from the shock. Come here, son. The things people fear most, they're usually quickest to believe. Now, that weakness is your strength. Just what the world needs, Lucas. Another you. Don't be afraid to do the right thing. No matter what anybody says. Caleb, honey, come here. Now, what the sheriff is trying to tell you... is that it's all right to hurt people... to make them cry, to steal all their dreams. But you were taught better than that. - But they're bad people, Miss Coombs. - I know, honey. But everything on God's Earth doesn't take place here and now. You got your soul to think about. I think you're old enough to make your own choices, son... but you just remember there's a woman out there who would gladly... You remember, son. Her fears. Who's there? Watch your head, Half-Ted. Sorry about the fishing part, son. That's all right... the bass probably got scared 'cause of all this excitement going on. - Next time, okay, partner? - All right. Thank you, Lord, for the morning... and the chance to get out of these damn woods. I want the money and Ted. I want my Ted. Would you mind pointing that thing a little bit lower? I was kind of hoping for an open casket. No? Okay. - Any time now, Lucas. - All right, love. This is gonna have to play out the way it's gonna play out. Well, then play nice and kill this bitch. Pardon my French, Caleb, honey. - I should help you, shouldn't I? - Yes, you should. I've had a taste of your hocus-pocus, kid. Don't come any closer or I'll kill you. I'll kill you all. Take my hand. Take it. It's your choice. I do okay? You just gained the loyalty of two women. Yeah, I'd say you did just fine. Good to see you, Doctor. Got a lot of walking wounded around here for you. - You all right? - I'm fine. I'm going home. - What about you? You all right? - Me? Yeah. What happened here? Hey, take it easy. I'm gonna take a look at you. You're gonna be fine. Unit Two, Unit Two, come in... Here, Doc, let me give you a hand. Hey, call an ambulance, man. I was worried about you. Me? No, you weren't. You just wished you was here. You fish? You mind? What? Ceasing and desisting with that thing. I'm... edgy enough, as it is. Trouble sleeping? Trouble waking up. This damn outbreak, whatever it is... makes me just want to pull the covers up over my head... and hide out till it's all over. Mrs. Sneden describe her husband's symptoms to you? She just said, "Get out here ASAP." Of course, that's what she said... the time her first husband accidentally shot himself in the woods. What? Yeah. She claims he mistook himself for a six-point buck. Sheriff wrote her up for hunting out of season and that was the end of that. Okay, well... let's take a look. Ben. The radio. I might better stay here in case something happens. Mrs. Sneden? Mrs. Sneden, it's Dr. Crower. Edith? Mrs. Sneden. Dr. Crower. Ma'am? Ben. Here, let me. Oh, God. Now, listen to me! I'm sick and tired of it. It's not my fault. You damn stupid whore. I tell you to do something, you do it. Stop it. Just stop it. I'll stop it. What is it? What's happening? Oh, my God, here's another one. We're proud people, Sheriff. Come flood or famine, ain't been no Tippett with his hand out. Let's just cut through the pious bull and get down to business, A.E. I know it's tough making a go of a small business these days... what with the out-of-state chain stores circling around like vultures. This ain't about the hardware store, Lucas. It's about... Go on, friend. It's about me. I'm, uh... I'm having visions, I guess you could say. Visions? Yes, sir. Visions of what? Blood. Everywhere I turn. Open the icebox, there's blood in the milk... blood in the leftovers. I cracked open an egg this morning... there's a bloody chick inside. I'd say someone's trying to send you a message: "Cut out the cholesterol." Man, I'm serious, here. I'm losing it, man. I'm losing my mind, Lucas. Now, you can stop it. I know you can. Man, I'll do anything, anything you want, just... Please... just make it stop. All right, friend, take it easy. Take it easy. Tell you what, you remember that time... your brother ran over that kid right in front of your store? No! No, Lucas. Bobby wasn't anywhere near there. He was up in Asheville. Partner, didn't I just hear you say you'd do anything? I always have... I've always done everything you wanted. God, man, that's my brother. I can't just... Can't just sell him out? Well... okay, then I guess you're gonna be seeing a lot more bloody chicks. Here he is. Relax, Wallace. Remember your blood pressure now. Sheriff Buck, what's going on in there? Your deputy wouldn't let me in. Well, what for, Daniele? You look pretty damn healthy to me. Come on, Sheriff. There are unconfirmed reports... of victims bleeding through their eyes. Well, it grieves me that a few of our friends have taken ill... but I give you my word that their recovery is well in hand, all right? Oh, yeah? Well, we heard the ambulance in the night... and you're lying. Calm down, Wallace. You don't know what you're saying. The hell I don't. My cousin Roy was sitting in his truck at Tippett's. He started bleeding out of his eyes and his mouth. I know Roy, Wallace. He's a good friend of mine. And I've talked to him about that Tennessee sour mash he guzzles. Folks, look, in a small town, rumors can act like a cancer. This is no cancer. It's something else. Dr. Crower. You mind helping me out here. People are running scared. I've been telling them to keep calm... but it might be more convincing coming from a doctor. The Sheriff's right, people. You just take ordinary precautions, you'll be fine. You got another bleeder in there? She's an elderly woman with a broken hip. Okay, there you go. You heard the man. If we hear anything else, we'll let you know. It's Merlyn Temple, Dr. Crower. She was such a beautiful girl. Her daddy went crazy and hit her over the head. Robin, I need two units of O negative right there. I'm sorry, Dr. Crower, there's nothing left. That's impossible. We've got 30 units on ice. That was yesterday. What about that help we were promised from County General? They called and they're not gonna come. Why the hell not? They're afraid. Son of a bitch. You look like you could use some help there, buddy. Crower, right? Billy Peele, Center for Disease Control. You sent us some blood samples. Yeah, right. Did you find anything? No, nothing that makes any sense. Has anyone on the staff gotten sick yet? No. Then we can rule out an airborne contagion. Just make sure everyone gloves up. This is gonna tell you everything I know, which is nothing... except four deaths, all from unexplained hemorrhaging. You give us two days. We'll explain it. My office is right there. You make yourself at home. Watch this, please. Yes, Doctor. Well, the pump's still working, mister. Nurse? Can we get a unit of plasma over here? We need to jump-start this old boy. Jenna, I'll hook up Elroy. They need help on the south end, go ahead. All right, thank you, Sheriff. You're welcome. You had your chance, Elroy. You remember last Christmas? I offered you a new lease on life... and you just practically spit in my face. You have a good one, Elroy. What the hell are you doing? Friend of mine down the hall is more critical. I'll save you the trouble and take this by myself. This man's a goner, anyhow. Boy, and they accuse us doctors of playing God. Well, okay. Methandextrophine, 10 cc's in a major artery and your heart's froze up... like an old 283 with a blown head gasket. Whoa, partner. You don't want to do that. No, I don't. I'm here to find out what's causing this epidemic... and I don't know who the hell you are. Lucas Buck, Sheriff of Trinity. Billy Peele, Center for Disease Control, United States Government. You touch another ounce of my blood supply... you'll be giving up a quart of your own, Buck. Nurse. Yes, Dr. Peele. Hang in there, fella, you'll be all right. Hook that up for me, would you? Well? Well, what's the population of Trinity? It's 9,000. Something like that. Maybe 10,000 with the surrounding tobacco farms and villages. You know, lung cancer's king down here... but otherwise people are in pretty good health. Five cases of exsanguination in two days? It's not good. Exsanguination from what? I considered Rhinosporidiosis, Ebola, bonebreak fever. Hell, even the plague. It's people bleeding from their eyes. It's like something out of the Old Testament. We've ruled out a bacterial agent. Maybe it's viral. Of course, these days you get so many different mutations. Sometimes God works in mysterious ways. A little help here. A little help. Tie him down. You all right? You got him? Hold on, you got him? You got him? Okay? Gail is not here. What in the world makes you think I'm looking for that old cousin of yours? Because I've seen you looking at her, that's why. No, sir. I'm here to make sure that you have a pair of these. And a mask. What for? It ain't Halloween. And I ain't planning on robbing a bank or nothing. You better not or I'll have to run you in, young buck. Actually, I robbed these from the hospital. I wanted you to have them, just in case. In case of what? In case you get around anybody who's sick. You just take these with you, you hear? You talking as the head of the civil defense? I'm talking as your father. Have you had contact with anyone showing signs of open bleeding, ma'am? No, of course not. I keep to myself. Have any of your neighbors been acting odd? No, no more than usual. Well, what about strangers? Strangers? Sheriff Buck's no stranger. Thank you. I know you're seeing blood everywhere... and I know you're hearing voices, Mr. Tippett, and I know you're scared. You don't want to die. You don't want to go crazy. So I'm here to beg you one last time. Please don't listen to him. Close your heart and your mind against him. Please, Mr. Tippett, you're on the wrong side. You don't want to betray your brother. Please, I can't let that happen and I won't. Mr. Tippett? You mind if I come in? I hope you don't. What's happening? Mr. Tippett? Come on, let's get you patched up. God, my teeth. What is this, Dr. Matt? It's horehound tea with anise. Smells like wet dog fur. You drink it anyway. It's gonna build up your immune system. Medicine won't help you now. Help me with what? I don't know. Against whatever's going around. I heard Jimmy Watson's daddy hung himself at the farm. It's hanged. It's not hung. Just drink. This puff piece they ran locally, it's a disgrace. What do you care? You didn't write it. It goes to the integrity of my profession. Come on. The profession of journalism has about as much integrity as... the world's oldest profession. Maybe less. At least whores don't kid themselves about their motives. Don't you give a damn about anything? Yeah, but not journalism, not integrity... certainly not the truth. Then what? You. Don't. Don't even think... But I do think. I think about what it would be like with you, don't you? Don't you? Yes, you do. Yes, I do. God, Lucas, I'm sorry, but... But? There's something going on at the boarding house. "A plague on both your houses." Tongues of fire. Rivers of blood. I should've known it would come to this. I should have known. Come on out. Go on. Scoot. What's the matter with him? Has he got rabies or something? Because he looks like Old Yeller out in the corn crib. Sleeping spirit... God so loved the world that he gave his only son... You're gonna be all right, Dr. Matt. "Whosoever believeth in him shall not perish." You just hang in... Go on. Blessed are the children, blessed are the meek. The sick, the sick in spirit. And God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son... That whosoever believeth in him shall live forever. You all right, son? I'm all right. Yeah, you're a tough kid. That's good. You talk to your sister lately? Merly? No, sir. Why would I talk to her? She's dead. That's a good point. Well, take care, son. You know something, Doctor? Part of me feels sorry for the poor bastard. Sorry or responsible? What makes you say that? I saw you coming out of Mr. Tippett's house before he got sick. You think I made him sick? I hadn't decided yet. You seem to be the missing link though, somehow. Just kind of playing God, you know. If you mean that little tussle over the plasma. I figured you were new and you needed to know who the players are. Mmm-hmm. You know who you remind me of? Who? This guy named Fassal. See, he's a warlord in Rwanda. Can't really remember which side he was on, but it don't matter... I just remember being ass-deep in the middle of a bunch of sick people. I mean, they were butchered and dying by the pant load... and this jerk was holding up the deliveries of medical supplies... until he'd taken his cut. I'm not looking for a cut. No? What you looking for? Respect... obedience. Who's playing God now, Doctor? By the way, what happened to the warlord? You threaten him with a syringe, too? No. No. One of his own gunmen ran him over in an armored jeep. Accidentally on purpose, they say. Yeah. Got to watch your back every step of the way. See you around. Don't you give a damn about anything? Yeah. You. I think about what it would be like with you, don't you? Don't you? Yes, you do. Blood workups on all three victims... death is almost certainly due to disseminated intravascular coagulation. It's typical plasma-to-serum conversion. Factor 12 triggering the cascade system, massive mucosal bleeding. The major, I do mean major, anomaly identified so far... is that none of the victims was in a state of existing chronic illness... which is essential for the sudden onset of DIC. Therefore, the invading agent remains a mystery at this time. It's 10:42 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, Trinity, South Carolina. 8 of January, '96, signed William Peele, CDC, et cetera, et cetera. And, Annie, fax me a copy up here when you transcribe it, will you? Thanks. Excuse me, what are you doing? Watching you. Why? I just wanted to see the guy who stuck it to Sheriff Buck. Did I make you uneasy? No. Nothing makes me uneasy. Except maybe seeing someone sitting on her ass... in the middle of an emergency. Well, I'm flattered you even noticed my ass... in the middle of this big emergency. So you came. Wait. But it's not about anything else. No heart, no soul. That's the way you want it? That's the way I want it. Where's the doctor, the one from Atlanta? With a patient. Get him. Now. She just started bleeding. What were you doing at the time? Never mind. What's your relationship to Miss Emory? Buck. That's none of your business. We always gonna do this? Do what? Jerk around like this. You just make damn sure she gets better. Or you'll what? I'll think of something. Well, don't give yourself a brain hemorrhage. And while you're at it, think about this. You need me, don't you? All right, I need you to fix her up. Just get on with it. I will. But then... Then what? Well, then you'll owe me. Hi. I'm sorry, do I know you? No. Not yet. I like that "not yet" part. Selena Coombs. You're the epidemiologist from Atlanta. Saint Charles, Louisiana, actually. Just got a one-room studio in Atlanta... with one box of stuff in it. I still haven't unpacked since my last assignment. And where was that? East Africa. Cholera epidemic. Well, this town must seem pretty tame after Africa. Not so far. It's hard for outsiders here. You must feel like a fish out of water. Yeah, I feel kind of a like the only normal guy in the nut house. You know, present company excluded, of course. Well, don't jump to conclusions. Anyway, I got a message for you. So this wasn't just a chance meeting? I'm taking a chance, all right. Look out for Sheriff Buck. Come on... No, really. Have you ever looked into the face of evil? I mean... the pure, unadulterated thing. I would probably be too busy to even notice it. You will. See you around. If you want to, you can go in. It's okay. He's not contagious. How you doing, Dr. Matt? I'm dwelling in the house, Caleb. Everything's going to be all right, Dr. Matt. Everything's going to be all right. So what do you want? You're the link. I can feel it. I thought scientists went on facts, not feelings. Chasing viruses, it's a whole new field. We rely on our guts as well as data. Maybe you're an unwitting host. Maybe there's a symbiotic relationship between you... and the infected that you're not aware of. Or maybe some monkey's running around Trinity... doing his thing with bored housewives. How come every time you whisper in someone's ear, blood pours out? I mean, you give that fisheye of yours to some poor bastard... and he's down for the count. And how come with all that kind of contact... you ain't sick? Right living. You been in Africa too long, friend. You sound like a witch doctor. Roll up your sleeve. Not this again. No, this time it's not a game. Roll up your sleeve. I need a sample. I give you my blood... you'll be giving me yours, Peele. Kind of funny how these days... the thing we fear the most is our very lifeblood. Yeah, hysterical. So what do you do with this? We send it down to Atlanta and we wait. And you think it'll show what, that I'm the Plague Sower? Typhoid Mary? I'll let you know. Yeah. All right, people, now the Sheriff is not here, and I'm not authorized... to make any statements about anything. Come on, Ben, just give us the death toll. That's so morbid. What is it? Five? Eight? Have they closed the elementary school yet? No, we haven't. Look, we don't want people to get all panicky just because... Just because the Trinity River has turned red? What is that about? What that's about, friend, is an unfortunate red dye spill... at a paper mill upriver in North Carolina, just south of Wilmington. Now, I've been in contact with the public authorities up there... and they've assured me that the malfunction has been corrected. All right? Anything else? Have you also been in contact with the investigator from the CDC, Sheriff? Yes, ma'am, I have. He's helping me with my investigation... and I have offered him my full cooperation as well. Ben, you want to bring the car around for me? Now what? Now we wait. No, you go on. I'll wait. For what? I mean, there's nothing out here on a night like this except... Except for what, Ben? Spirits? Well, all right. Lord protect us all on a night like this. All right, here I am. Hey. Merlyn Temple, you listening to me? I'm sorry. It's a trying time for me, my people are afraid... and I haven't been able to help them. So I thought... No. No. Never mind. Thought what? Thought you could help me out. I mean... all this blood, no offense, Merly, but... that's kind of heavy-handed... I know it's your job to keep people on the straight and narrow. I've been there... and it's easy to get carried away. You lose sight of your goals. Protect the good. Punish the wicked. Or is the whole thing one big ego trip? You start to lose yourself. You start to fall. No. You are the one who has fallen, not me. You need me. I can show you all the pitfalls to avoid. I know what I'm doing. Merlyn. Merlyn. Lord... I don't mean to bug you or nothing but things are really getting out of hand. If you could make my cousin Gail all better... and help poor old Dr. Matt. Lord, they didn't do nothing. That's not exactly true, Caleb. Says who? Says me. I saw Dr. Matt lying to the people, telling them that nothing had happened. He's just calming them down. That's his job. Well, they won't get crazy and turn on each other. Well, he should've told the truth. Lucas' job is to lie, to deceive. Well, he's got Matt now. He owns him. Cut it out, Merly. He's just an old guy. You're doing this, ain't you? You made him sick. And Gail? Gail made herself sick. She laid down with Lucas. Stop it, Merly. What's happened to you? Well, I was told to punish the wicked... and warn those that would sin. Who told you this? You're listening to them voices, too, like Dr. Matt? Then maybe you're crazy. You just leave him alone. Leave us all alone. But they've sinned, Caleb. Not like you have, Merly. Not by a long shot. And what about me? I spent time with Lucas. You going to make me sick and crazy, too? Of course not, I love you. Then love them, too, Merly. All of them. All of us down here, we need it. Leaving without saying goodbye, Billy? Nope, not leaving. I'm sticking around. What for? To collect. You still owe me. Looks like the deal's been consummated, already. Not our deal. We ain't even started yet. No, we haven't. How you feeling? I feel fine. You? I'm okay. Good. ASHLEY? ASH, YOU UP? YOU HOME? YOU HERE? MARCO... (BEEP) Woman: IT'S 7 A.M. WHERE ARE YOU? I MISS YOUR FACE. I WAS HOPING YOU'D MAKE IT HOME LAST NIGHT OR AT LEAST BEFORE I LEFT. DON'T RUSH BACK TO WORK WITHOUT EATING ANYTHING. I LEFT YOU OUT JUICE AND TOAST. I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH JUICE IS LEFT. AND I HOPE THE TOAST IS STILL GOOD. DOES TOAST KEEP? I HATE THIS! I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE, MIKE. I NEED YOU NEXT TO ME. I NEED YOU TO OPEN THAT JAR ON THE COUNTER. THANK YOU! YOU ARE SO STRONG. I LOVE YOU, MY LITTLE HERCULES! O.K. I WANT THE NOTES FROM LAST NIGHT'S SESSION. I WANT AN INTRAVENOUS LINE DRIPPING COFFEE INTO MY LEFT ARM. AND I WANT THE JAWS OF LIFE TO GET THIS DAMN JAR OPEN! THANK YOU. HEY, HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU CAN'T THROW THAT OUT. THERE'S A GARBAGE STRIKE GOING ON. IT'S THE CORE. THAT'S FOOD. THAT'S GOOD FOR YOU. THAT'S FIBER. EAT IT. GO. EAT. YOU DIDN'T GET MUCH SLEEP AT ALL LAST NIGHT, DID YOU? I GOT ABOUT 10 MINUTES. PARTY WENT AROUND THE CLOCK AGAIN. YOU GONNA BE O.K.? OH, YEAH. I GET 8, 9 MINUTES, I'M GOOD FOR THE WHOLE DAY. GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING. TELL US WE'RE ALMOST THERE, MIKE. TELL US THIS STRIKE NIGHTMARE IS ALMOST OVER. I WISH I COULD. I HAD TO CANCEL 3 DATES THIS WEEK. I MOVED INTO A NEW APARTMENT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND. WE HAVEN'T SPENT ONE NIGHT THERE TOGETHER. YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO WIN, DON'T YOU? YES, I DO. FINE. YOU'RE MORE PATHETIC THAN ME. YOU HAPPY? YES, I AM. THIS STRIKE, IT'S GOTTA END. I'M GOING TO PRESS CONFERENCES, I GOT NOTHING TO SAY! I'M SHOOTIN' BLANKS! I'M DOING IMPRESSIONS JUST TO KEEP THE REPORTERS IN THE ROOM. TRY TO STAY POSITIVE, PAUL. WE'VE ALREADY BEEN POSITIVE. WE'VE BEEN HOPEFUL, OPTIMISTIC, UPBEAT, HOPEFULLY UPBEAT, OPTIMISTICALLY HOPEFUL. WE--I--I-- PAUL, PAUL, PAUL. WE'RE UNBELIEVABLY BORED. ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. TRY AND STAY WITH ME. WE GOTTA MOVE QUICKLY. MINE. I'LL BE AT THE BARGAINING TABLE ALL DAY. I CAN'T AFFORD TO LET ANY OTHER BALLS DROP. SO, CARTER, FIRST YOU. MINORITY AFFAIRS. YOU'VE ONLY BEEN ON THE JOB A FEW DAYS. I ASSUME YOU'RE STILL SETTLING IN. I'VE SPOKEN WITH THE MINORITY TASK FORCE. JUST AN OPPORTUNITY TO OPEN UP DIALOGUE. I HAVE THE HISPANIC SOCIETY AND THE ASIAN AMERICAN FEDERATION TOMORROW. LOGISTICALLY, THE NAACP IS A HASSLE, BECAUSE THEY HAVE 27 LOCATIONS IN MANHATTAN ALONE, SO I'M PROPOSING A MEET AND GREET BREAKFAST, MAYBE HAVE THE MAYOR DO A DROP-BY. THAT'S EXCELLENT. ALL RIGHT. WHO'S NEXT? JAMES. UH, DO I HAVE TO GO AFTER CARTER? I MEAN, I'M WRITING THE MAYOR'S SPEECH TO THE CITY COLLEGE ADMINISTRATORS, BUT I ONLY STARTED 2 MINUTES AGO. GIVE US WHAT YOU GOT. I HAVE, UH, "GOOD MORNING, CITY COLLEGE ADMINISTRATORS." WELL, I MEAN, THE REST REALLY WRITES ITSELF. O.K. BITCHIN'. I AM OUTTA HERE. STEWART, YOU'RE IN CHARGE WHILE I'M GONE, ALL RIGHT? NO PROBLEM. I'LL COVER FOR YOU. NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I'LL BE THINKING ABOUT THE STRIKE ALL DAY. I NEED YOU TO BE DEPUTY MAYOR--ME. WELL, IF IT'S O.K., I'D LIKE TO SET THE BAR A LITTLE HIGHER. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT, STEW. AT LAST, MY TIME HAS COME. HEY, STEWART. GET YOUR ASS OUTTA MY OFFICE. SORRY, MIKE. STILL HERE, HUH? YEP. JUST COUNTING THE SECONDS UNTIL WE ARE OFFICIALLY LATE FOR THE BARGAINING TABLE. AND THERE IT IS. WE'RE OFFICIAL. CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK? WE'LL CELEBRATE. THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I DON'T FEEL THAT FESTIVE. MISSING YOUR GIRLFRIEND A LITTLE? I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. I SAW HER THIS MORNING. VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN. YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE INTO THAT SORT OF THING. I AM. YOU TWO JUST MOVED IN TOGETHER. BIG STEP. YEAH, BUT WE'VE BEEN SERIOUS FOR SUCH A LONG TIME, I DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA BE ALL THAT DIFFERENT. HA HA. YOU'RE LYING. YEAH, I AM. SOUNDED GOOD, THOUGH, RIGHT? THAT'S A TOUGH ROAD. I LIVED WITH A GUY FOR 2 1/2 YEARS. IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING-- IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME. REALLY? EXCEPT WE GET TO SKIP THE WHOLE TOILET SEAT ARGUMENT THING. WELL, THERE'S A PERK. YOU KNOW IT. UP, DOWN. WHO CARES? TELL ME YOU DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO "HOW'S MY OUTFIT" AND I'M SWITCHING SIDES. NAW, WE GOT THAT, TOO. IT'S NO DIFFERENT. WHAT HAPPENED? YOU AND, UH... SPENCE. HE MOVED OUT. I WAS ALWAYS TOO BUSY WITH WORK. NEVER HAD TIME FOR HIM. WELL, THAT'S GOOD. WE'RE NOT EXACTLY CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS EXPLORING NEW LANDS HERE. IT'S BEEN THE SAME DEAL FOR THE LAST 5 MAYORS. 8.29% OVER THE NEXT 36 MONTHS. AND WE'RE ADDING A DOLLAR A WEEK TO EACH WORKER'S SEVERANCE PACKAGE RETROACTIVE TO LAST DECEMBER, PLUS A DOLLAR INCREASE STARTING NEXT DECEMBER. WHY IS THAT PEN NOT IN YOUR HAND? 8.29 IS NOT GONNA DO IT. WE WANT 8.3. 8.29, 8.3. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE? IT'S--IT'S TINY. IT'S MINUSCULE. IT'S LIKE THIS. THEN GIVE IT TO US. NOT A CHANCE. WE ALSO WANT 100 NEW TRUCKS, 2 MORE SICK DAYS, AND BADGES. BADGES. UH, MAY--MAY I ASK WHY? WE DON'T WANT PEOPLE PASSING THEMSELVES OFF AS SANITATION WORKERS. OH, YEAH. THAT HAPPENS A LOT. 8.3. THINK ABOUT IT. 8.29. LEARN TO LOVE IT. GENTLEMEN, WE'RE ALL WORKING TOWARDS THE SAME GOAL HERE. WE CONSIDER OURSELVES IN PARTNERSHIP WITH THE MUNICIPAL UNIONS. BUT I THINK THIS IS A FAIR OFFER, AND I URGE YOU TO CONSIDER IT. WE'RE GONNA TAKE 5. JUST 5. WHY NOT 5.1? HOW GREAT WAS THAT? WHEN THEY CAME BACK IN, WE WERE ALL OVER 'EM. WE OFFERED, THEY COUNTERED. THEY OFFERED, WE COUNTERED. I THINK WE EVEN COUNTERED OUR OWN OFFER. THAT ONE CONFUSED THEM. YES. SIR, THIS STRIKE IS OVER. FORGET ABOUT IT. TURN OUT THE LIGHTS. THE PARTY IS OVER. THEY ARE CAVING. WATCH THIS. SEE THIS? I CAN DO THAT, 'CAUSE THAT'S JUST GARBAGE, AND THAT IS GONNA GET PICKED UP TOMORROW. I WAS EATING THAT. BUT YOU SEE MY POINT, THOUGH, SIR. THIS THING IS IN THE BAG! MIKE, I--I NEED YOU TO STOP BOUNCING UP AND DOWN. YOU'RE MAKING ME CARSICK. OH. SORRY, SIR. I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN A FEW DAYS. MMM. I GOT A LOT OF SEXUAL TENSION GOING, ABOUT 100 GALLONS OF COFFEE RUNNING THROUGH MY SYSTEM. I MEAN, I'M FEELING A LITTLE NERVOUS ENERGY RIGHT NOW. BRING IT DOWN A COUPLE OF NOTCHES, MIKE. THIS IS DOWN A COUPLE OF NOTCHES. LISTEN UP. DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT THIS IS? IT'S THE CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE. JAMES! YOU'VE READ 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE. NO. YOU DREW A CIRCLE AND YOU WROTE "CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE" IN IT. SO NOBODY'S READ THIS BOOK. WELL, LOOK AT YA. COURSE YOU HAVEN'T. WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS EXPAND THIS CIRCLE. STEW, WE'RE REAL BUSY. BUSY, YES. EFFECTIVE? NO. BUT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU SEE, MIKE IS JUST A MANAGER. I, ON THE OTHER HAND, AM A LEADER. ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION? I'M OVER HERE IN THE CIRCLE OF "YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME." ALL RIGHT. EXCELLENT. I WORRIED YOU ALL MIGHT BE WORKING. HELP, MIKE. STEWART'S SCARING US. O.K. FAKE BOSS OUT. REAL BOSS IN. EVERYBODY HUDDLE UP. ALL RIGHT, NICKY, I WANT YOU TO GO SHORT. GET ON THE PHONE. I WANT YOUR BEST ESTIMATE OF WHAT THE UNION'S NEXT OFFER WILL BE. JAMES, SQUARE OUT TO YOUR DESK. I WANT A SPEECH, O.K.? THIS THING COULD HAPPEN AT ANY MINUTE. I WANT THE MAYOR READY TO TALK. CARTER... THROW IN THE BOMB! SECOND FLOOR. CONCERNED CITIZEN'S GROUP. FIND OUT WHAT THEY WANT AND MAKE 'EM HAPPY. BASIC SCHMOOZE AND SNOOZE. PUT ME IN, MIKE. PAULIE... YOU'RE MY BLOCKIN' BACK. GO RIGHT UP THE MIDDLE TO THE PRESS ROOM. YOU GOT IT, COACH! ALL RIGHT, LASSITER. LASSITER! EVERYBODY IN! AND... BREAK! BREAK! BREAK! PEOPLE. PLE--PEOPLE, I'M NOT GONNA CONTINUE UNTIL IT'S QUIET AND EVERYONE IS SEATED. I HAVE SOME PERTINENT INFORMATION ABOUT THE STRIKE THAT I THINK YOU'LL ALL BE INTERESTED IN. ALL RIGHT. THE MAYOR'S OFFICE CAN FINALLY SAY WITH 100% CERTAINTY, THAT WE ARE EXTREMELY... HOPETIMISTIC... ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF--OF THE STRIKE P-- WAIT--WAIT--PLEASE! HEY! PLEASE, PEOPLE! SO YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE CONCEDING ON THESE MINOR POINTS? IT'S SMART BARGAINING. HEY, CUTIE! HEY, MISS SCHAEFFER. CATCH UP TO ME LATER, MIKE. YES, SIR. SO HOW'S MY FAVORITE REPORTER DOING? I HAVE SOME VERY, VERY PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR YOU. YOU KNOW ME. I ALWAYS HAVE TIME FOR THE PRESS. (PAUL) COME BACK, PLEASE. THIS IS UNPROFESSIONAL. MIKE, CAN YOU GIVE US A DEFINITIVE TIME WHEN THE STRIKE WILL BE OVER? GUYS, I CAN'T COMMENT ON ANY OF THIS. WE'RE IN NEGOTIATIONS. YOU KNOW THAT. JUST ONE MORE QUESTION. I GOTTA GO. MY SCHEDULE MAY OPEN UP LATER TONIGHT, THOUGH. YOU THINK SO, MR. FLAHERTY? I REALLY DO. (YELLING QUESTIONS) THAT'S ENOUGH! HEY, YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE TO LISTEN. JAMES. SPEECH. I THINK YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT. NICKY. NUMBERS. ON YOUR DESK. CARTER, CONCERNED CITIZENS. SCHMOOZED AND SNOOZIN'. STEWART, BUDGET REPORT. NO. DID YOU CALL THE GOVERNOR'S OFFICE WITH THAT STRIKE UPDATE? NOT YET. DID YOU SIGN THESE? I WAS GONNA READ 'EM FIRST. THERE'S 700 PAGES OF LEGAL DOCUMENTS HERE. IT'LL TAKE YOU 8, 9 MONTHS. OH. SO BASICALLY YOU'VE DONE NOTHING. MIKE, THAT'S ALL BUSYWORK. I CAN DO THAT IN 15 MINUTES. I DID DO SOMETHING, HOWEVER, THAT WILL MAKE YOU SMILE. LET ME HAVE IT. I SET UP THE MAYOR FOR RIBBON CUTTING AT THE OPENING OF WATERSIDE PARK. NO, YOU DIDN'T. I DID. OH, STEWART! THAT PARK IS BEING USED AS AN ALTERNATE DUMP SITE. IT'S FILLED WITH GARBAGE! UH-HUH. (DOOR CLOSES) I BELIEVE THE WORD YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS... OOPS! (BEEP) (MIKE) HI, HONEY. IT'S YOUR DAD. JUST TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION. HOPEFULLY YOU'RE HOLDING SOME FLOWERS AND SOME CHINESE FOOD. EITHER THAT, OR YOU HAVE NO FOOD, AND I JUST SENT A DOZEN ROSES TO THE HUNAN KITCHEN. ANYWAY, SAME OLD STORY. LONELY DEPUTY MAYOR SEEKS QUIET NIGHT AT HOME WITH WONDERFUL GIRLFRIEND, BUT WILL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR A NIGHT IN A SMALL ROOM WITH SWEATY GARBAGE MEN. THERE WILL BE DANCING. I REALLY MISS YOU... A LOT. HI. I SAW YOUR AD. YOU HANDLE WASTE DISPOSAL? GREAT. 'CAUSE I HAD A LITTLE BARBECUE IN A PARK, AND THINGS GOT KINDA OUT OF HAND, AND I HAVE SOME TRASH THAT I NEED CLEARED. A LITTLE OVER A TON. HELLO? SORRY, GUYS. THAT'S IT FOR MY LIST. YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT NO ONE IN THIS CITY WILL PICK UP THAT GARBAGE? APPARENTLY, THAT'S THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF A STRIKE. WELL, THANK YOU, NEW GUY. O.K. FOR THE ENEMY TO PASS? HI. HI. HE HASN'T COME IN YET. WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR? I GOT HIM A CLEAN SHIRT, HIS VITAMINS, AND A COUPLE OF SWATCHES OF WALLPAPER FOR THE BATHROOM. I TAKE IT THE HOCKEY PATTERN WAS HIS IDEA. I'M HUMORING HIM. GOTCHA. SEE YOU LATER. BYE. BYE. HEY, JAMES. GIVE PAUL HIS PRESENT. PAUL, I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU. OH, YEAH? WHAT? IT'S A THESAURUS. A THESAURUS! JEEZ, I HAVEN'T SEEN ONE OF THESE SINCE I WAS A KID. REALLY? LOOK UP OPTIMISTIC, PAUL. OPTIMISTIC. OH, MY GOD! OH! THIS IS GREAT! OH, GEE! I'M "EXPECTANT, "BRILLIANT, HAPPY-GO-LUCKY, EBULLIENT." I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! AH, LIGHT OFF. DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HERE. YOU JUST MISSED ASHLEY. SHE WAS HERE? YEAH. SHE HAD TO RUN, THOUGH. SHE BROUGHT YOU SOME STUFF. OH, WOW. SHE IS AMAZING, ISN'T SHE? OH, COOL WALLPAPER! I'M GONNA HEAD OUT, TRY AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO CLEAN THIS PARK. NO LUCK YET? NADA. YOU KNOW WHAT'S WEIRD? SHE WORKS IN THIS BUILDING. I WALK THE HALLS ALL DAY. I NEVER GET TO SEE HER. BUT I CAN SENSE HER PRESENCE... ALL AROUND ME. THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING THAT ROMANTIC IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. REALLY? REALLY NEVER. LIKE NEVER NEVER? DON'T RUB IT IN, MIKE. GOD, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PARK. LOOK AT THE HUDSON. ALL THE MONEY SPENT TO CLEAN IT UP. YOU COULD STICK A CUP IN, PULL IT OUT, DRINK IT DOWN. I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR THAT, SIR. YES. SO THE PARK IS FULL OF GARBAGE. YES. UNION PICKETERS ARE OUT IN FORCE. YES. BASICALLY IT'S AN AMBUSH. I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE A PLAN FOR DEALING WITH IT. YOU'D LIKE ME TO SAY YES, W-WOULDN'T YOU, SIR? WELL... DEAD MAN WALKING. PARKS ARE NOT ONLY IMPORTANT FOR WHAT THEY BRING TO THE COMMUNITY. THEY ARE INVALUABLE IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF OUR CHILDREN... AND OUR CHILDREN'S CHILDREN. YOU GOTTA WATCH CLOSELY, STEWART. HAVE A SEAT. O.K., SEE? O.K. THERE IT IS. THE BREEZE JUST SHIFTED... AND HE'S GETTING HIS FIRST WHIFF OF ALL THAT GARBAGE. I REMEMBER THE PA... PARK... IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD THAT I GREW UP. O.K. SEE? NOW HIS EYES ARE TEARING UP. I'M GETTING A LITTLE DIZZY. I CAN'T SEEM TO FOCU-- RIGHT THERE. THERE HE GOES. DOWN ON HIS KNEES. AND WHAT DOES HE DO WHEN HE'S DOWN ON HIS KNEES? (VOMITING) YOU SHOULD SEE CHANNEL 4. THEY'RE RUNNING IT IN SLOW MOTION. THAT WAS DISGUSTING. I DON'T THINK WE NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU, JAMES. STEWART, IF I WERE YOU, I WOULDN'T BE GIVING JAMES LIP. I'D BE WORKING ON MY RESUME. SORRY, MIKE. I TRIED TO DO THE BEST I COULD. OH, WHAT? OH, W-WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, HUH? I'M--I'M KILLING MYSELF TRYING TO FIX THIS THING, I HAVEN'T SEEN MY GIRLFRIEND IN DAYS, AND--AND I'M SUPPOSED TO, WHAT, FEEL GUILTY? PFF! MAYBE I SHOULD GO AND TALK TO HIM. HELLO. HEY. WAIT A MINUTE. I--I KNOW YOU. DON'T TELL ME. GOD, THIS IS EMBARRASSING. UH... OH, THAT'S RIGHT. WE LIVE TOGETHER. THAT'S A VICIOUS RUMOR. UNCONFIRMED. NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN US IN THE SAME PLACE. WELL, ON THE PLUS SIDE, THIS WHOLE COMMITMENT THING TURNED OUT TO BE A LOT EASIER THAN WE EXPECTED. YEAH. WE'RE DOING GREAT. I MEAN, IF WE KEEP THIS UP WHEN WE'RE STILL SPENDING TIME TOGETHER, WE HAVE OURSELVES A RELATIONSHIP. LOOK AT ME LOOKING AT YOU, FACE-TO-FACE, FINALLY. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY. YEAH. I MADE A LIST. UM... WE NEED TOOTHPASTE. WE'RE OUT OF DETERGENT. FOR SOME REASON, YOU BROUGHT THE JAM TO THE OFFICE. LET ME JUST SKIP TO THE IMPORTANT STUFF. I LOVE YOU. SOME TV GUYS JUST PULLED UP OUTSIDE. SOMETHING GOING ON? Woman: MIKE, THE MAYOR'S OFFICE. NOW. I GUESS SO. SO... YEAH, UM... YEAH. I THINK IT'S A GOOD PROPOSAL, SIR. WE'RE GETTING ALMOST EVERYTHING WE NEED. THEY GET ALMOST EVERYTHING THEY WANT. YEAH, BUT, I THINK WE CAN LIVE WITH IT, BECAUSE WE HELD FIRM ON THE PRECEDENTS. WE DIDN'T LET THEM GO TO 8.3. 8.29...999, MIKE. YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT 8.3., AND I THINK WE CAN HANG OUR HATS ON THAT. IS THERE A STATEMENT READY? RIGHT HERE. "SO THAT'S WHY, FOR THE SAKE OF THIS CITY, "FOR THE SAVE OF THIS UNION, WE'VE-- "PUT ASIDE OUR DIFFERENCES AND REACHED A FAIR, SATISFACTORY AGREE--" MENT. GOOD. UH, SIR, IF IT'S, UH, ALL RIGHT WITH YOU, I'M GONNA BOW OUT ON THIS ONE. ARE YOU SURE? THIS IS THE GOOD PART, MIKE. MR. MAYOR, YOU BETTER GET IN HERE. THE PRESS IS GONNA TEAR ME APART. AH, THEY'RE EXCITED, HUH? OH, THEY'RE... EBULLIENT! THEY'RE ZEALOUS, THEY'RE IMPASSIONED! THEY'RE ARDENT! CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE PASSING THIS UP. OH, YEAH, LISTEN, STEW. YOU GO IN INSTEAD OF ME, IN CASE THE MAYOR NEEDS ANY HELP. YOU TRUST ME? YOU'RE THE RIGHT GUY. YOU WANT A HUG OR SOMETHING? REALLY DON'T. ASHLEY? ASH. (BEEP) HEY, HONEY. IT'S ME. PICK UP IF YOU'RE THERE. LISTEN, I THOUGHT I SAW SOMETHING IN THE WAY YOU LOOKED AT ME TODAY, AND I-- LISTEN, I'M JUST GOING TO COME HOME. ANYWAY, I'LL BE THERE IN A FEW MINUTES, AND HOPEFULLY, YOU WILL, TOO. HELLO. (GIGGLES) HEY! (GIGGLES) OH... (MACHINE MESSAGE KEEPS PLAYING) SO... DO YOU WANT TO SIT HERE WHERE WE'RE GOING TO HAVE THE COUCH OR OVER HERE WHERE THE LOVE SEAT'S GONNA GO? UH... THE LOVE SEAT. I'M NO FOOL. SO WERE YOU BUSY SOLVING THE STRIKE, OR DID YOU MISS ME? YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I MISS YOU. AW! (BEEP) Stewart: MIKE, COME DOWN IF YOU CAN. THE DEAL IS SEALED. WE'RE CELEBRATING. YOU SHOULD BE HERE! YOU DESERVE IT! I LOVE YOU, MAN! HE'S RIGHT. YOU SHOULD GO. YOU DESERVE IT. WHAT ABOUT YOU? THIS IS A HUGE STORY. YOU'VE BEEN CHASING IT ALL WEEK. YOU SHOULD GO DOWN THERE, TOO. SO... HOW WAS YOUR DAY? (GARBAGE TRUCK RACKET) WHAT TIME IS IT? 6:15. WOW, THEY'RE REALLY LOUD. YEAH. BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT? (TRUCK NOISES, VOICES) (CRASHING TRASH CANS) SIT, UBU, SIT. GOOD DOG. GEE, BRAIN, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TONIGHT? THE SAME THING WE DO EVERY NIGHT, PINKY, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. * THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN * * YES, PINKY AND THE BRAIN * * ONE IS A GENIUS * THE OTHER'S INSANE * * THEY'RE LABORATORY MICE * * THEIR GENES HAVE BEEN SPLICED * * THEY'RE DINKY * * THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN * * BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN * BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN * * BEFORE EACH NIGHT IS DONE * * THEIR PLAN WILL BE UNFURLED * * BY THE DAWNING OF THE SUN * * THEY'LL TAKE OVER THE WORLD * * THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN * * YES, PINKY AND THE BRAIN * * THEIR TWILIGHT CAMPAIGN * IS EASY TO EXPLAIN * TO PROVE THEIR MOUSEY WORTH * * THEY'LL OVERTHROW THE EARTH * * THEY'RE DINKY * * THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN * * BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN * BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN * NARF! CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. Brain: MONTHS OF INTERSTELLAR EMAIL HAS FINALLY BROUGHT ME TO THIS HISTORIC MOMENT OF INTERPLANETARY ACCORD. [WOMAN SCREAMS] HERE I AM, AWAITING THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTACT EVER MADE BY AN EARTHLING, AND SOMEBODY HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN WATCH THAT SILLY TV. ZORT! SORRY, BRAIN. I JUST LOVE THE Z-FILES. ALL THE ALIENS AND WEIRD GIZMOS AND THINGIES. I'D RATHER MEET A REAL ALIEN, WOULDN'T YOU, PINKY? I DON'T KNOW, BRAIN. YOU MEAN LIKE XUXA? NO, PINKY. MY NEW INTERGALACTIC PEN PAL ZALGAR IS COMING TO EARTH TONIGHT TO HELP ME TAKE OVER THE WORLD. AH, I'VE OUTSMARTED THE MOST BRILLIANT BRAIN ON EARTH. HE THINKS I'M GOING TO HELP HIM, BUT I, ZALGAR, PLAN TO TRICK HIM AND EAT HIS BRAIN. ZALGAR, SCOUT SYNAPSE REPORTING. I'VE DETECTED THE IMMENSE BRAIN WAVES OF YOUR LATEST PEN PAL. CLOSING IN FOR A VISUAL. AH, EARTH. HOME OF THE MOST INTELLIGENT BRAIN IN THE GALAXY. SHOW ME THE EDIBLE PART. YES, YES. THERE IT IS. THERE IT IS. FETCH IT. WRAP IT UP. PUT IT IN A BOX SO I CAN EAT IT. RIGHTY-O, SIR. ROGER, NIGHT OWL. BOGIE IS NOW VISUAL. LOCKIN' AND ENGAGIN'. HUH? UH-OH. ABANDONING SHIP. HOO-EEE! WE GOT US A HIT, NIGHT OWL. BLUE FALCON RETURNING TO BASE. THIS IS A FINE MESS. I'LL HAVE TO GO GET HIM MYSELF, OR EAT SOME OTHER BRAINS. HMM... LIKE YOURS. WE INTERRUPT OUR PROGRAM WITH A SPECIAL REPORT. WE ARE SPEAKING LIVE VIA SATELLITE WITH GENERAL ODIN. GENERAL, LOCALS CLAIM THEY SAW A UFO CRASH-LAND JUST OVER AN HOUR AGO. RUMOR HAS IT IT'S BEEN TRANSPORTED TO A TOP-SECRET LOCATION. NOW, THAT'S JUST PLAIN POPPYCOCK, FRANCES. NOW, WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A WEATHER BALLOON THAT ENCOUNTERED SOME SWAMP GAS, WAS STRUCK BY LIGHTNING, AND FELL BY A LOCAL FRISBEE TOURNAMENT. HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. THAT MAN IS LYING. OBSERVE THE RATE AT WHICH HE BLINKS. 3 TIMES PER SECOND. ZOUNDS, BRAIN. AMAZING. YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, PINKY? UM, HE SHOULD CHANGE HIS NAME TO MR. BLINKY? NO, PINKY. IT MEANS THERE IS A SPACESHIP AND THE GOVERNMENT IS HIDING IT. LOOK AT THAT ROCK FORMATION. THE DEVIL'S DOUGHNUT, NEAR ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO. Pinky: OOH, HOW SCENIC. THEY PROBABLY HAVE THE ALIEN CRAFT SOMEWHERE NEARBY. ZALGAR'S LATE. IT MUST BE HE WHO WAS SHOT DOWN. NOW HE CAN GO TO ALL THE SIGHTS OF NEW MEXICO, LIKE THE STATUE OF LIBERTY AND LONDON. OOH, I WISH I COULD GO SIGHTSEEING. THANK YOU, RAND mcnally. Brain: NOW OFF TO ROSWELL. WHERE'S MY LITTLE PEN PAL? OH, BLAST. HE'S GONE, BUT HIS BRAIN TRAIL'S STILL FRESH. MMM. I CAN ALMOST TASTE HIM. [EVIL LAUGHTER] EARTHLINGS ARE SO PRIMITIVE. THEORY OF RELATIVITY. HA! BAH. I WOULD PICK AN INCONSIDERATE PEN PAL WHO DOESN'T KEEP HIS APPOINTMENTS. I HAVE TO EAT HIS BRAIN SOON, OR I'LL STARVE. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME OF MY INTERNAL ORGANS? EMPTY CALORIES! ONLY A BRILLIANT BRAIN CAN SATISFY ME. GO AWAY. ALAS. WE'D BETTER FIND HIM SOON, OR I'LL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR DICK CAVETT. WHOO, WHOO. I THINK I CAN. I THINK I CAN. OH, I WISH YOU WOULDN'T, PINKY. NOW, IN ORDER TO RESCUE ZALGAR, WE MUST OUTSMART THE GREATEST MINDS OF THE MILITARY. LIKE GOMER? [IMITATING GOMER PYLE] SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE. HA HA HA! THAT IS THE KIND OF BEHAVIOR THAT GOT US THROWN OUT OF THE DINING CAR. REMEMBER, PINKY, NO SLIP-UPS. THESE SENTRIES ARE TRAINED TO SHOOT FIRST AND ASK QUESTIONS LATER. SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE. UH-- A SURPRISE INSPECTION. YOU MUST BE GENERAL MALTESE AND GENERAL JONES. WHY, YES. YOUR VIGILANCE HAS EARNED YOU A COMMENDATION, SOLDIER. WELL, GO-O-O-LLY. I'M ACTUALLY GLAD TO SEE YOU FELLAS. I'VE BEEN ON WATCH ALL NIGHT FOR THESE 2 LAB MICE. H.Q. CLAIMS THEY'RE TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. ISN'T THAT THE SILLIEST THING YOU EVER HEARD? HA HA HA! HEAR THAT, BRAIN? CARRY ON, SOLDIER. THIS IS WHERE THE GOVERNMENT KEEPS THINGS THEY DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE. YOU MEAN LIKE EVERYONE'S BUTT? OH, MY. WHAT NEXT? CREATURE OF EARTH CALLED BRAIN, I, ZALGAR, HAVE COME, IRONICALLY, TO EAT YOUR BRAIN. HA HA. WITTY, AREN'T I? AH, I'D RECOGNIZE THAT BRAIN TRAIL ANYWHERE. HELLO, PEN PAL. AT LAST WE BEHOLD EACH OTHER PERSONALLY. THROUGH CLEVER USE OF EMAIL, I HAVE LURED YOU HERE TO CONSUME YOUR CEREBRUM. IS THAT SO? JUDGING FROM YOUR LAST MESSAGE, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPELL CEREBRUM. AT LEAST I DON'T PUT SMILEY FACES ON EVERY LINE. OH, YEAH? WELL, YOU'RE A WEENIE. NYAH, NYAH, NYAH, NYAH, NYAH. OH, GOOD ONE, BRAIN. THANK YOU, PINKY. NOW RUN. OH, DEAR. MAYBE I WAS MISTAKEN ABOUT THE CRANIAL CAPACITY OF THAT LITTLE FELLOW. ZALGAR'S NEVER WRONG. HE'S JUST TRYING TO THROW ME OFF TRACK. WE'LL SEE WHO'S A WEENIE, OR SHOULD I SAY A PANCAKE? Pinky: WE NEED TO THROW A MONKEY IN HIS WORKS. Brain: YOU MEAN A MONKEY WRENCH. NO. I MEAN A MONKEY. WAAAAAAAH! LOOK, PINKY. THERE'S A TOOL BOX. I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN. IT'S CALLED A MONKEY WRENCH. MAYBE LATER. I STILL THINK WE NEED A MONKEY. WHERE WOULD WE FIND A MONKEY AT THIS HOUR? OVER THERE. TECHNICALLY, IT'S A SASQUATCH, PINKY, Yes. Yes, they have. Mr. Vance hasn't received any letters? Not of a threatening kind, no. His are mostly from teenage girls and housewives. I'll arrange for an officer to stay with you. Would you? Uh, can we discuss it with Jack? We might want to increase our own security. Yeah, of course. Mrs. Locke? - Yes. - Detective Sergeant Don Merrick, Bradfield police. This is Dr. Tony Hill -- Louise? I'm sorry. What do you remember about that morning, Mrs. Locke? Mrs. Locke? It was ordinary. And that's what I'll always remember, how an ordinary day can suddenly change your life. We got up, I got up. That day, I didn't have to wake her; she was already in the bathroom. She had breakfast. I came down, and she reminded me that she were going to Laura's after school. And then she left. And that were the last time... And I hate it... that ... the last thing she told me were a lie. S-she didn't go to Laura's. She got on a train. But she was a bright girl, wasn't she? Yes. She were doing that GCSEs. Well, a hard worker. Usually home on time? You didn't row? So she was a lovely girl. She was. A good girl. Then maybe we shouldn't hold that one lie against her. Her clothes. She took a toothbrush and one change of clothes? Skirt and top. When would she normally have worn those? They were her best. Girl from a one-parent family, no real pressures at home, not a drug taker, never been in care, and loved her mother. Who one day hides a bag from her with her best clothes in it. I don't think she'd run away; she left here to meet someone. YOUR NEXT BITCH! Beth. Oh, good, you saw the note. Yeah. You know, Amanda should never have got that. I know, but Jason's normally so comprehensive at sorting them out. But it won't. ... It's your responsibility. Yes, I know. Sleep okay? Beth gave me some tablets. Didn't even hear you come back. Yeah, I was late. You know how it is. How you feeling? Police seem certain it's this bastard who sends the letters. Yeah, I heard -- spoke with Beth. Listen, Amanda, I don't think we can take any risks. We need to get some outside security until it's all over. And when is it over? When he kills me? When they arrest him. And they will. Try not to think about it, all right? Try not to think about somebody breaking in and murdering our dog? Try not to think about somebody hating me, despising me, wanting me dead? What sort of person is this, Jack? Someone who's sick. And nothing's going to happen, all right? Well, I'm not hiding. Don't think I'm going to stay locked inside this house, because I'm not giving this weir do the satisfaction of controlling how I behave. Okay. Okay. That's fine. That's absolutely fine. All I'm asking is don't do anything reckless, yeah? Okay. - Here you are, sir. - Thank you. Hi. For Detective Inspector Jordan. From Jack and Amanda Vance. DI Jordan? I'll take it, I'm going past. All right, Kev. Cheers, mate. We've got one body - - Louise -- and part of another body. - Yeah. - We know Louise got on a train. We also know she had a fractured cheekbone. And we know where her body was found. Louise left home to meet someone. Whoever she met, it was illicit. Otherwise, why lie to her mother? Well, maybe her mum didn't approve. When I was her age, I did loads of stuff my mum wouldn't have approved of. But your mother didn't approve because she had knowledge of the person you were going to meet. Louise's mum didn't. Now, Louise lied to protect the person she was going to meet. My guess is, if we find this other body, it's female, same age, and died in exactly the same way. You sure? Well, the chain of events that led to Louise's death are already very distinctive -- she changed her habits. Someone influenced her behavior. So it's a reasonable assumption that if the killer follows the same pattern -- The victims do, too. We just need to know where they died. Yeah. The tarn's our dump site. So where was the sighting on the train? And where was she going? And did she get there? Excuse me a moment. Kevin. To what do we owe this pleasure? From Jack and Amanda Vance. Suppose they couldn't afford a pigeon so they used the nearest life form. So ... three months' salary; must have been quite a setback. Well, it could have been worse. Could have been fined and put back into uniform. Thank you for speaking for me. I'd hate to see a good officer go to waste. Hopefully, you'll never do anything quite so stupid again. Well, I'll see you around. What's that? It's for the Vance case. - Who? - Amanda Vance, from the television. Married to Jack Vance, also on television, ex-Scotland football player. Oh, yeah. She's got a stalker's killed her dog. This is hate mail. Oh, why didn't you say? You want me to have a look? Guv -- the divers found a pelvis. It's from a young female. Anything else you want to go through? Oh, sorry. It's a weakness I have when people leave the room. I might have noticed it again. I know how obsessive you can be. I don't think I'm obsessive. No? Okay. Apart from your work, your patients, and Angelica, what else is in your life? Why? What else is in yours? Come on then, what do you make of these letters? They come from all over the country. Well, obviously. So they either travel with work, or - Legenda não traduzida - they stalk Jack and Amanda as they move around the country. I'll get a copy of their schedule. There's no doubt that these are from the same person? None at all. It's the same handwriting, same language strands. "Bitch die, die bitch." What we have here is a delusional stalker. "Get out of our lives ... We hate you." - "We want you to die." - Us? - Two people? - Oh, no. The stalker's fixation is singular; it's theirs alone. You know, they perceive a relationship where none exists. It's stalker and victim. When he has a third party -- we, ours, us -- Amanda is the object of hate. And the stalker's fixation is with someone else entirely. So Amanda is not the person being stalked; she is the person being hated. Exactly. The stalker believes they're in love with someone and feels they're being kept apart, and for that, they're blaming Amanda. So who's this other person, then? Well, it could be anybody. John Hinckley shot Ronald Reagan to show his love for Jodie Foster, who he'd never met. So she's in that much danger? If Amanda worked in a close assignment, like a school or an office, it would be easier, but because she's on television ... and available to millions violence stems from a perceived snub or rejection. The stalker's felt that -- they killed the dog. Any more rejections, yes, she's in danger. Oh! You all right? No. It has to be the same person. It could have also been a simple road traffic accident that happens to coincide with these threats. She did a u-turn in the middle of the road. Someone could have just hit her and then drove off. But whichever it is, I promise you, we'll get the person responsible. Look, yesterday they were in here killing our dog. Today they're ramming Amanda's car. I mean, what do you think they've got planned for tomorrow? We're doing all we can. Aye. Let's just hope it's enough, eh? Have you ever seen anyone following her? People follow us all the time. It's part of the job. Pick out the usual faces, but they're no problem. We'll be in touch as soon as we have something. Guv. What are you after? I know what I did was wrong. I know it's down to me, and I'm prepared to carry the can, but... if you could just give me something. Ahem, you know, anything, to prove to you, to upstairs, that... I'm better than this. Okay. Some bloke's driven into Amanda Vance's car and then just driven off. check the street cameras. It's already been done, but they may have missed something. Yeah, local businesses have cameras. Good. I want that car found, understood? And you'll have a word with Brandon for me? One step at a time, Kevin. You'll notice that we've got exactly the same type of compound fracture of the cheekbone that Louise Locke had. Not done by a sharp instrument. Something flatter but with considerable force. Is it from the same body as the pelvis and hand bone? They're the same age. They're in the same condition and look to have been there the same amount of time. Also, it's female, like the pelvis. My hunch is, yes, they belong to the same body. Wrapped, preserved, protected. If we knew who she was, we'd compare characteristics with Louise's. This gives us the killer's method, and with a method, we have personality ... And with a personality, we have a profile. We're doing all we can, Tony. There are no shortcuts. I think there's something else with this girl Louise. Same age, same fracture to the left side of the cheekbone, and I don't think it ends there. And for that, we need an I.D. Can we reconstruct her -- her face from her skull? Well, usually we wouldn't do that till after we'd done the lists, TV, press appeals... In the meantime, he's out there, he's selecting, he's choosing and killing. What she looks like is all I need. Okay. This type of stalker will repeatedly visit sites of special importance to the object of their fixation -- where they live, where they work, where they go on holiday. So even before they'd killed the dog, they would have been to that house. They would have been in the house. In the garden -- they'd have been everywhere. They're a walking encyclopedia of knowledge of this person. And he's not afraid of taking risks. He believes they have to be together. He? Oh, the language is definitely male. He's certainly known to the police. Previous convictions, ABH, assault on men and women. So he's sexually confused. Well, sex, that's got nothing to do with it. He's delusional about a relationship, not sex. So... if Amanda's the person who's preventing this relationship, who is he fixated with? With Jack. She's his wife. Could be. So this skull, you said you had something on it. Uh, cheekbone fracture, always on the left side. So he's right-handed. They're facing him when he hits them. Try it. Try hitting two people in exactly the same place, inflicting exactly the same injury. Well, that's virtually impossible. Unless you're restrained, tied up. And these similarities between the girls you keep talking about? We'll know when we see the face. I've only got the first four digits of the number plate, but when you cross-reference those with the which belong to a flame-red Ford Fiesta, paint residue results, I've come up with these. - Good. - What's going on? Three possibles, Don. Check these names out against previous convictions. I already did that. Graham Ian Dowling, previous convictions for burglary, indecent exposure, and and assault on a woman. Don, Annie? It's the police, Mr. Dowling. Mr. Dowling? Ladies and gentlemen, will you please give a big warm Dilton welcome to Mr. Jack Vance! Take it easy; you'll all get a chance. Let them through. There you are. What's your name, darling? - Donna. - Donna. Donna, Donna, Donna, Donna. That's my mother's name, you know, Donna. Where's your boyfriend, eh? I haven't got a boyfriend. Yeah, no problem. Okay, sweetheart. I'm next! Easy mate, easy. - Easy, easy. - Me! It's Graham. Stop pushing! Okay. No manners, Jack. - There you go, pal. - There you go. Thank you very much. Let him come through. How accurate is it likely to be? Oh, fairly accurate. Bone structure is everything. I adjusted the plaster cast of the skull to eliminate the fracture to the cheekbone. It's incredible, Sandra. Thank you. Just didn't want to say it. Say what? It's the same girl. No, it's a different girl. A woman who looked like these two girls was once important to our killer. And probably rejected him. The way he injures them, I think, is revenge for the pain and suffering he felt. They're about the same age, late teens, early 20s? I think the age of the victim's only relevant because girls of this age... they're impressionable and malleable. And the fractured cheekbones that's bound up with rejection. We think we've got an I.D. on the second victim. She matches the description of a Sonia Wilson, 16, from Devon. Left home to go to school one day, never showed up, took one change of clothing? Presumed runaway, yeah. Went missing in 1995. If she died shortly afterwards, Tony, then you're right, she was the first victim. Of those we found. With each of these victims, he's refined his method of disposal. With Sonia, simply weighted down in the water, but with Louise, he's shown more care, he wrapped her and he preserved her. And in six years, there's no way this killer has not been active. Learning with each victim, he'll have found a new method of disposal. Might even keep them close to home to minimize the risk. These killings are planned. Vell, we're looking at a male from mid-20s upwards. Okay, listen, time's of the essence. Cross-check any disappearances in similar circumstances. See if anything matches up with Sonia or Louise. Oh, they trusted him. You don't travel to meet someone if you don't trust them. Okay, listen, how are we doing on finding Dowling? That was exactly what I needed: sleep, sleep, and more sleep. When you were taken to hospital, I was so frightened. I thought... Don't think, Beth. I feel fine, I am fine, he didn't get me. The police reckon they've got a suspect. They know where he lives and it will only be a matter of time. Then we can just carry on, can't we, as though nothing's happened. There's no need to cancel the book tour, there's no need to change anything. Just carry on? Exactly as before. Guv, two of the missing girls on the list disappeared in similar circumstances to Louise and Sonia: Melanie Pearson from Liverpool and Karen Lloyd from Newport. Virtually identical. Similar backgrounds, similar disappearance. Certainly, similar death. We've got four. Six, you missed out on Hull and Cardiff. Susanne Mills and Rachel Bowman. Also presumed runaways. Rachel was four months ago. How did you get onto these? Well, you know I'm fond of the press. I've got a friend at one of the Nationals. Crime desk? No, Entertainment, because there's another link, apart from the fact that they all look similar. It was on one of the desks there right under our nose: Jack and Amanda Vance's appointment diaries. The stalker cut the dog's throat with a knife, and Vernon said that's how the girls were killed. Sorry, but I don't see the connection between these women and Amanda Vance's stalker. Each of the girls has gone missing just after Jack and Amanda I'm thinking, I'm thinking. I've highlighted all the appointments after which the girls went missing. It's all here. All six, regular intervals. Do we have proof that they actually met them? Well, no, but if you were their age and Jack Vance were in your area, wouldn't you? Not enough. Could it be this bloke Dowling that's killed them? Tony? Tony? Yes, it's possible. Use of knife, use of water. He stalker's fixated with Jack, he wants Jack to himself, he wants Amanda out of the way. If these girls meet Jack and if Dowling sees this... remember, this is a man reading signals that aren't there... he could easily misinterpret the attention Jack gives them for... affection and believe they have to be got rid of. I want this guy Dowling found and arrested. Is he injured or disabled in any way? If he isn't, he will be when I get hold of him. Does it matter? Doesn't explain the cheekbone. He's proved himself to be a vicious bastard. That's enough for me. Did you give the police the letters? Yes. All of them? Most, those they needed to see. And those they didn't? Safe. Why? Was that wrong? No. No, I don't think so. Do you? It scares me that that creep knows about us. How? I don't think we should complicate things. No. I just wish we could be honest about us. So do I. It's just, it wouldn't achieve anything. We've worked so hard for this. Think of what it would do to Jack. Was your idea I married him in the first place. You're not thinking of saying anything, are you? No. Just once in a while, it would be nice to walk beside you and not behind you, that's all. I'm going to make some calls. What is it? It's nothing. It's nothing at all. Come on. Hi, Mr. Vance. Olá. - Hi, Jack. - Hiya. Didn't I just meet you at the sports store? That's me. Uh, what was your name again? Don't you remember? I've headed too many footballs, bad for the memory. You, uh ... You want me to spell it out for you? Um ... you shouldn't be here, you know. Don't always do what I'm told. Right. Jason. Could you, uh, could you get this young lady a cab home, please? No problem. Come on. Whereabouts do you live? Here in Dilton. Then how about I give you a lift on Mr. Vance? D O W L I N G Dowling, Graham Ian Dowling. Any information you've got... I need to speak to him. Yes, well, if you could now, it's very important, yes... Graham Dowling. Yeah, I'll hold. If you're killing them, what have you done with the bodies? If you're not afraid of risk, why haven't we found them? Hidden in water. Wrapped and hidden in water. Put a dog in a bath. What's up? Oh, just trying to make sense of it. Got him! He works for a security company, Holdfast Security. They haven't seen him for a day or so, but guess what he's rota-ed to be doing... he's meant to be protecting Amanda Vance at a book signing. This afternoon. How nice to meet you. Excuse me. Excuse me! Nice to meet you, and I'm just going to be... Come on! Stay close, give me your car keys. What's going on? No, look. Where have you seen him? No, look at him. He's here, he's meant to be protecting you. Are you sure? Are you sure? He's not in the building. Really, there's no need. Beth's here. Are you sure? Night, then. What? Beth? ! Beth? ! My interest in her is strictly professional. Yeah, yeah. What's going on? Darling, don't piss about. I'm not in the mood. Beth? Blaze of Destruction and Rebirth Revolving around... the World Takes the Life of Kitten as its Victim Around 3500 B. C. Environs of Greece on CatEarth A Dark Cat Efosos from the Minerva Psalms Wait just a moment longer. Total World GDP According to Dirac's Calculations. The rain has been falling in Tokyo for quite a while. Complaints like "Darn it" or "my bones are dragging" or "I can't do any laundry" have become greetings. The unusual series of record breaking rainy days lead to idle talk of it effecting the fruit. The rain pitter pattered away. I guess you could say hope was in short supply. The best is yet to come... Rain clouds concealed the skies above Tokyo. Yeah, everyone was waiting for something. You could see it their eyes. Peering up at an angle... ever so slightly. Closed teeth smirk with lips distorting right or left. The kids' graffiti in the streets and the rain washing away their hauntingly familiar nightmares. Getting soaked in the endless rain of the monsoon season... under the eaves of a drugstore. Rain drops stick on a window at a cafe. Munching on steamy dumplings at a shop front in Chinatown. Cats live in loneliness. Then, die like falling rain... The ultimate meat... for a great you. Safe and healthy! The ultimate meat... for a great you. The ultimate meat... for a great you. Safe and healthy! The ultimate meat... for a great you. I'm freezing. What're the EW coordinates for this area? They're uh... 1005 and 6480. The danger zone for the Dark God of Death! Oh no! Huh? Stop. Stop it. Hi. Where are you going, you little brat? Me gonna go to Orion. Me not a brat. Me Tamala. Orion? Never. You can't go. It's forbidden for you to go there. It's no use. Me not scared. Later you anaconda bitch. Approaching Planet Q orbit. Reinput ES168093 for warp to Orion. To Orion. Processing ES168093 auto input. Hon, did Enverop leave town? Of course. His store sells nothing but crap. It stunk to high heaven. What was that smell? Besides, there wasn't anything good. Anyway, is your direct mail low? I don t get info about sales. Is it just me? Diane said so too. She said that mail from her mom doesn't arrive. You don't say. I never write letters so I wouldn t know. Can you even write? Shut up you queeny twink. Ciao Welcome to Planet Q. You got smoke coming out of your engine. Why tell such a lie? It's dangerous. Me wanna hurry up and go. To the big city. The city? Which one? It's dangerous. Terrorism and all. Low-life dogs are attacking cats at random. Just stopping at a red light is dangerous. It's OK if you re used to it like me... Me not a fraidy cat. So get going. Moimoi, how are you gonna spend mating season? It's me second year. The name's not Moimoi. It's Michelangelo. There's a new suppression drug out. Kittynol... But the side effects make you eat a lot. Besides, i... don t like it very much. Mating and all. Watching an Eastwood video is more fun. Do you like Eastwood? I ma Westwood fan. Huh? Where are you from? CatEarth. Moimoi, your eyes are blue. They re really beautiful. The name's not Moimoi. It's Michelangelo. ...Wow. CatEarth is more progressive than this place. All kinds of things are all over the place. I ve got a pair of vintage jeans ordered from CatEarth. ...But, why come to this big, nothing of a planet? Moimoi, are we at the big city yet? Hey love, you re right about the mail. It doesn't come. Naomi's too. Coffee honey. One? I'll have one too. OK. ...The mail isn't the only thing girl. The phones are strange too. Always cutting out or suddenly busy. Anyway, you stink honey. Ever heard of a bath? Martial law has been enforced in the Eastern Hate district. All citizens refrain from trespassing... in the Cat and Dog districts. Remain at home on alert. Violators will be arrested and detained. Once again... Moimoi, me gotta pee-pee. The name's not Moimoi. It's Michelangelo. The toilet is downstairs. I'ma gonna wet my pants. Symbol of the ancient religious cult of Minerva. Goddess destroyed and reborn. Kentauros baby. Are you part German Shepard? Baby... Martial law has been enforced in the Eastern Hate district. All citizens are asked to refrain from... trespassing in the Cat and Dog districts. The octopus tattoo is me original. By the way, I didn't catch your name. I ma Tamala. My mom calls me Tama. It pisses me off. So call me Tamala. Ah, i m gonna be nauscious. I wanna smash it all up. Anything and everything. I wonder why? You've met my uncle, right? You know, Demeitri. He got his tail caught in a car. That long tail was his pride and joy. Me... I d have sued. But anyway, that cop fetish loving, mutt Kentauros, is on the prowl. Did you hear? Oh, that cute, black guy? Not just him. He's strutting around with a cuter one. That sly dog. I envy him. Huh... I got cut off. A fucking strike. What's with those clothes? Did you buy them? I took them. Is there anything you cannot do? Me fucking anaconda mom won t gib me any treats. She's such a racist. That bitch wants to trade me in for a Persian. Persians are smaller and uglier but... They feel like velvet. Fucking assholes! My looks are all I've got. So mom told me to panhandle treats from the neighbors. She says it builds character, and that it's a great, old occupation. S-s-stop! Fucker. Asshole. TA-MA-LA! TA-T-LA! TATLA! TAMALA! Catty! Catty! Minerva! Catty! Minerva! Sorry to take so long. The place was closing. But i bought some chips. Me wanna go to Orion, Moimoi. For the last time, I'm not Moimoi. I'm Michelangelo. It's very far away. A long, long time ago when my human mom got me... this was stuck to the cardboard box me was in. What a beautiful sky... Like the sky I saw when I was little. Moimoi, me very tasty. Wanna eat me? Moimoi, when me was little, me saw a big fire. The sky was bright red from the big fire. I was trembling. If I was left in that fire... would you jump into the flames for me Moimoi? Of... course... I'd save you. News Flash. Revision legislation in the postal... service has surfaced in parliament. Posts and Telecom Minister Canine cabinet... due to resign. An Upper House bill to transfer... monopoly rights to mega power CattyCo. Of the Feline Galaxy was vetoed by a majority vote by the ruling Canine party. The Feline minority who supported the bill... asked the Minister to resign. "Asset Seizure Renotification" "Eastwood Fan Club" asked the Minister to resign. "Asset Seizure Renotification" "Eastwood Fan Club" "Asset Seizure Renotification" "Eastwood Fan Club" Riots erupted with cat locals before martial law... was enforced from 37:00 today leaving 867 dead and 2500 injured. 87.5 FM Hate Station Wow. A.44 magnum. In other news... While children played in the Pasadena district of Southern Hate Street at 5 PM. A commuter car turned the wrong way on a one way injuring several. Let's Catty Diet. The ultimate diet... for a great you. This program has been brought to you by... CattyCo. Operation 0001-0099 Complete. Time required 00: 09: 20:40:031. Start Operation 0100. Oh, Marithe, what's wrong? Now there. It was just a bad dream. You're okay now. Momma will never leave you. Refrain from trespassing in the Cat and Dog districts. Remain at home on alert. Violators will be arrested and detained. Two Catty Diet drinks. OK. Oh, smash it all to hell. Everything. All of this town. Then, I'll create a town to my liking. Surrounded by loveliness... Chandeliers. Ruby glass. Tapestries. The works. And filled with cuties. Where can I find me a good man? That s all you talk about lately. Anyway, Dalia s son was spaced out this morning. So i asked, "What's wrong?" He said he s having strange dreams. What kind of? A beautiful, scary cat robot going up... an escalator to the heavens. Oh, girl. He just flirting with you. Pathetic. Do you smell something? Huh? Something reeks. It stinks to high hell. Kentauros baby. Where do you live? In Hate? Downtown? Baby... Stop it! That hurts. Help! Operation 0112 In Progress The window won't open... Stupid window. That's better. I II bet the magazine is hot... after firing a.44 magnum. But, I'm sure we'll meet again. Did you say something? ...Moimoi, it's a wonder you were never killed. What? You who. What! What was that? You who? Is that a CatEarth greeting? Don t you know? You who means... I m gonna kick your ass. Oh, I see. Hey, Moimoi. What's this lake called? Michelangelo. What s it called? Prometheus. It's very deep and connected to the ocean 250 km away. Me gonna call it Lochness. Lochness? What's that? A lake in the northern hemisphere on CatEarth. Descendants of the Cat Tudor dynasty... use gene manipulation for giant pets named Nessy. Some are over 5000 feet and very tasty. A misguided fellow plotted to poach some. Hmm... Hurry. Oh no! No! No! Operation 0100-0234 Complete Time Required 00: 23: 15:32:931 A presentation by Professor Nominos from the Catford Strategy Lab on Planet Q. Antitheology in Capitalism Antitheology in Capitalism Today, I would like to present my... Antitheology in Capitalism alarming findings to the world. Similarities of CattyCo. And Minerva Similarities of CattyCo. And Minerva Please recall the meddlesome CattyCo. logo that you see Similarities of CattyCo. And Minerva in your local shopping mall each day. In your local shopping mall each day. Being persecuted since 100 B.C., the same code word, was passed down in the ancient documents of... the secret Minerva religion of the Feline galaxy. To world historians, economists and theologians who succumb to large capital... I d like to inform you of the embarrassing truth that... has been concealed until today. I d like to express my respect to the Cat Chinese regime's, brave decision in sponsoring this presentation. Please divert your attention to these excavated relics. From 80 to 50 B.C., the same cat eyes mark was found, in all of the Minervan archives. After this, persecuted cult members, who were almost destroyed, revived the mark. It was printed in the postal system on... secret mail for sending messages during... a period of chaos and war. From 1490, a consumer goods company... made use of the cat eyes... trademark along with the brand name CATTY... on in-house manufactured goods. From the mid 1800s as a conglomerate of postal works and household consumer goods manufacturing and sales, the CATTY COMPANY brand name appears on the world market... and a massive public relations campaign begins. With massive capital and political connections, CattyCo. Merges with industries in the Feline Galaxy, as well as with neighboring Cat Planets. After repetitive mergers, CattyCo. Has gotten... where it has today. 1869. A match box series featuring, a cat sold at a famous hotel boutique, in Meguro, Tokyo. A female cat written along with the CattyCo. logo. 1969. The same cat appears in a commercial on a West Coast... network, CatEarth. USA. Suffering from Amnesia? Try DON'T FORGET. From CA TTY COMPANY. Now in tablet form. The cat eyes mark from the Minerva Catty and product advertising with the cute female cat, appeared from 1869. Who could she be? This female cat who doesn t change. Doesn't she ever die? Is she a product of data? No, wrong. Positively incorrect. This beautiful cat is alive. Always searching... A long, long time has passed, as if I was having a incredibly long dream. A continuous dream of one tiny girl passed... in front of me one afternoon. Following after her trail, all I found was... the dark history of a vast conspiracy. They don t matter to me. Catty or Minerva... Fire! Fire! I want to see Tamala again. What was she anyway... Good day listeners. Your own Chuck Dopler isn't having a good day. I mean, life is dangerous. Terrorism! It's everywhere. What's happening to our country? Can you see outside the radio booth? The smoke. What's up with that? You folks in Burika are in trouble. Incident at Hate EW3. 16 dead, wounded unknown. Unit 5 and 7, respond now. Tamala / Tatla are coming! The end is near! Cat's Eye Shopping Center Huh, what am i doing? I can't move. My head's a boiling. My head's a pounding. Why's Kentauros shaking? Silly Kentauros. I'm here for you. Hey Kentauros. I know. Let's go on a picnic. If those stupid cats would just shut up... Let s go to the forest. You who. You who. Hi, Michelangelo Nominos? This is the I'M credit card center. We couldn't withdrawal from your bank account. If you borrow money, you must pay it back. It's tough on me too. There's no use. But I'm broke. Of course, I don't hate working but... That's it. I'll look for a job I like. Maybe... write a novel. I'll keep living with my things... in this room with big windows. In this room... What... What was that? She's... What... Tamala? ...The town is up in arms. Everyone has gone mad... A Descent into the Maelstrom Horrible things are happening. You talking to me? Have I lost it? Is this a dream? Could you spare an old man a cup of milk? This Ole World in Minerva's dreams. Ever heard of the Minerva, you whipper snapper? This ancient cursed secret religion infests us even now. Who are you? Is your arm okay? You got a smoke? Marlboro Reds. I hate lights. Repeated destruction and rebirth... the progress of an undying world. Their activity based in a crazed doctrine... devoted to live sacrifice. A crazed cult that couldn't avoid persecution and mass killings. Some believers sought revenge and changed... their identities to fulfill their pledge. Then, they changed its name. Now, here's the kicker son. They changed the name to CattyCo. I've heard of it. That new cab company right? A jeans manufacturer? Huh? Where was I now? Oh yes. Making use of underground passageways, built by Catty, they began by cheaply contracting mail delivery, from battle fields of the chaotic Middle Ages. Letters from soldiers to their mothers. Love letters to sweethearts. The crazed believers ran around the battles with joy. They realized something... the power of information. If they could control the vortex of information in, blackmail ransom letters, fiuxuation in exchange rates, you name it, they could rule the planet and get revenge. The entire universe would be Minerva s and Catty s. They processed information faster than anyone. They completely destroyed all rivals and took over. Making money creating and selling volumes of matches, canned goods, films, jeans. Business, business, business. Before you know it, the persecuted end up the rulers. And where is revenge? Turning into nothing but an emotionless anti-cat. A " destruction and rebirth machine ' The children are the only ones who see this control. I guess you're too old. The ominous robot of Minerva and CattyCo., hoping to propagate the planet, the Minerva religion created, a robot named Tatla from a deep sea of information. An icon to enhance unrest and chaos. Through telephone lines and fiber optics, controlling the REM sleep of kids under age one, using low frequency wave pattern loops visuals, of Tatla are projected in their temporal lobes. Of the kids have seen the same robot in their dreams. But that s not all. Tatla is growing. The result of this excess self-propagation is... the creation of another world. A world different from ours, one of terrible nightmares. Their world is invading our world. Tatla. She was originally a mythical goddess. A beautiful goddess repeating destruction and rebirth. I know all, see all. This appetite for destruction and rebirth is hardwired... in Tatla s program. This being " destroy things, buy things, then destroy them" If so then, the world will advance infinitely. The Minerva religion EQUALS the shitty slogan of CattyCo. I know all, see all. Oh dear... The power's gone off. The stage has been set. Then they created an ill-natured female cat. You don't know huh? In 1869 of the CatEarth calendar on the Planet of Edessa in the Orion system 200,000 newborn kittens went missing in a big fire at night. It was never made public. We whispered the name of this dreadful night calling it... the Red Night of Edessa. 200,000 kittens were tested to overwrite Tatla s program. But only one female kitten was successful. Sent to the place they long to control during a time, of chaos and war. No, the opposite. They were fascinated with war and revolution. They're so damn annoying. That s right. They love blood. Blood flowing from others. Their true nature. Then, by Tamala being eaten, this female cat can propagate their appetite by being sent into this place of chaos. Along with Tatla, they created a pussy cat unconscious of destruction and rebirth. Why was she eaten you ask? Others religions practice this too right? But they were proper religions. ' A single grain of wheat can take root. ' A sacrifice. A scapegoat. Destruction and rebirth feeds on sacrifice of beauty. A sacrifice. A ritual becoming of these crazed believers. I have no idea what you're babbling about. Don't play dumb. That s why you're hurting young man. That's why I came without an invitation. Then maybe... just maybe I am you. I m a... Tamala was born in 1869. She's been alive for over 100 years. I m a cat who never dies too. Cat got your tongue? I know all, see all. But that girl is unworthy. She never dies. She's one year old forever. She s the one true victim. She must be saved. She was born on Orion and soon ripped away from her mother. The Red Night of Edessa Midnight Aprii 29, 1869. By Minerva... Catty s dirty paw. I feel unworthy. She longs to meet her real mother. Besides, Orion is a nice place. The only place where a cat like me who never dies... can finally rest in peace. I know all, see all, hear all. Oh, no, no. There I go again. Just when i was talking about the enigma of Minerva, this enigma fabricates yet another answer. Why you ask? Because I intervened in that riddle wrapped in an enigma. ...Minerva could be a demon possessed in history! How about another cup of milk? I'll pour you one. Then, we are hoping for demons within ourselves. He's whacko. Definitely not sane. Tune in next week for the final climax. Ah, it's over. Me can't go home yet. Wait just a moment longer. The mirror spins around again. The mirror... spins around... again. I'm so tired of these games. So tired of this job. This mirror projects nothing but lies. This mirror... projects... nothing but lies. Me go to Orion. Then, I'll smash the lying mirror. Orion... Edessa... Then, I'll keep on dancing. Fucking goodbye. I II wait just a moment longer. I II wait just a moment longer. You will perish. If you stick around, I'll kill you. Oh, I lost my head. What s your name? Penelope. Operation 0001-0999 Complete Time Required 03:00: 12:32:007 To: Human Mother c / o Tamala Dear Tamala, Happy 1st birthday. Your vacation is on Planet Q. Have fun playing. P. S. In regards to your request, your real mother is on Orion. But, Tamala, you can't leave the Cat Galaxy. Too bad. Where is she, you geek? Speak up boy! You're supposed to keep an eye on her. ...I want to set Tamala free. You don't have a contract with Tamala. I still have a contract with Catty. Piease hear me out. I'm not interested. It's a waste of time. Tamala is on her way to Orion. Stop delivering letters. Hurry up and follow her. Where can I find me a good man? Not again? Anyway, that pervert Kentauros died. Seems he was beaten up by kids. Frightening. But, every dog does have his day. He was up to all sorts of evil. Everyone hated him. Anyway, did you go to Victoria's Secret? They ve got some great lingerie in. Frilly ones, see-through ones. Oh, I got an email. Who now? The world has everything now. The past is like a lie. Why don't we go to the country and start a new business? Hello? Oh, how are you baby? I just saw a dead body in Burika. Yeah. Uh-huh. ...Like people say... Cats are lonely. They easily drop dead like falling rain. But, we have each other. No strings attached. Like a constellation. Shining in the night. ...Amazingly mysterious. Got a light? Another fucking day has begun. Tamala, where are you going now? To Orion. To Orion. Not such a long time ago. A forgotten melody. Recall the moment of awakening of this fuckin' song while yawning. Slowly brush your teeth and put on the kettle. Gaze into the mirror. Slide a shirt on. Open the window. The first light of day. A glimmering bottle of jam. Faint sounds of traffic like the rumble of waves. 30 minutes later, a voice comes from the radio. Let's go on a picnic on a funny day. You can take a day if you like. Call up friends, "Don't be late" Get a lot of beer, chicken and snacks. Go to work, sell records, fall into a doze. That melody is ringing in my dreams. A girl with dark eyes plays the piano. I finally awake and head for the bathroom. Let's go on a picnic on a funny day. You can take a day if you like. Call up friends, "Don't be late" Get a lot of beer, chicken and snacks. Met my boyfriend at night, bought a vintage shirt. Ate tacos, Saw an old film. Went home, made love, took a shower... fell asleep. Maria had a dream she never had before. Let's go on a picnic on a funny day. You can take a day if you like. Call up friends, "Don't be late" Get a lot of beer, chicken and snacks. Call up friends, "Don't be late" Billions of Marias appearing in all places over town. Rising higher and higher, through the millions of clouds of atoms. Over the stratosphere, a lot of Marias are drifting in the darkness gathering with one shape. It is an ancient satellite. A lot of Marias were giving us that song, and are. And will be. Disclaimer: All names of the cat, dogs, other characters, product names, corporations, religions, and the like are fictitious. It does not refer to reality. Artemis ready. Target's in the channel. Roger that, Artemis. You have a go to launch. Isn't it amazing up here, Mikey? Look at the view. Di, you have to admit, it's pretty spectacular. Yeah, it's lovely. But it's pissing down. Michael, can you pass me a yoghurt, darling? It was either here or Cardiff. I just thought this might be a better place to live. Look, you didn't even ask us. Sorry. No, not that one. Actually, what is this one? Can you find me a muesli one instead? Horror in Stockholm. Ben Johansson, CEO of Estrada Industries was assassinated today in front of the world's media. - You winning? - Yeah. They're saying it was a miniature bomb. Oh, turn that off, love. You know, you're gonna finish that game soon, and then you won't have anything left to do. I've already finished it. Just give it one chance. No! Hey, Ryan, leave him! It is an English-speaking school. You'll make new friends. I don't want to. Hello? Hi, Paul. Yes, he is. No, I'm fine. Well, thanks, Paul. Okay. I'll get Ryan for you. It's Paul. Hello, Paul. It was a lovely job, mate. I thought you were gonna have problems with those reporters. Well, it was a bit iffy, but it was a fairly good chance he'd keep moving with his profile. He's not the sort to stop and talk to reporters. At least he wasn't. It was a bloody good shot anyway. No real problems this end. I got reports circulating that it was a miniature bomb planted by unknown sources. So, guess that pretty well wraps it up. Thought they spoke German where you were? French as well. Very nice. So, listen, I'll get back to you in a few days when we know this has worked out as planned. Till then, hey, relax. Get some sun. And get that lad of yours back in school. Yeah, we will. He's just being difficult. I'll talk to you soon, okay? Cheers, Paul. Ben Johansson, CEO of Estrada Industries was assassinated today in front of the world's media. Di, do you want anything from the shop? Get some bread. The money's in my jacket pocket. Do you want anything? Should we go and get some bicycles? Mr Trooper. - Ryan will be fine. - John. Hi there, Michael. Didn't get a chance to talk too much when you came by the other day with your wife. Diana, was it? - Yeah, Diana. - How're you guys enjoying it up here? Well, I hope we're going to see him down at the school soon. I know the other kids are looking forward to meeting him. Well, he's looking forward to seeing them, aren't you, mate? Well, that'd be a first for a new kid. But really, he's gonna do great here. Did you know the kids here ski twice a week, year round? I'd heard that. Yeah. Right up on the glacier. Fantastic. Well, the parents are welcome, too. Why don't you come with us sometime? You working up here, Ryan? No, no. Now I'm retired. I was in the battery business, and I did quite well. Wow. A lot of advances in the battery world in recent years. Yeah. I know. Well, I'm keeping you. I'm sorry. No, not at all. It's nice to talk to you. Yeah, it's been a pleasure. So, listen, if you or Diana want to call me about Michael or anything, I've lived up here for decades. You know where I am. Okay, gotta move. - All right. Bye. - Right. Bye. Okay, um, saft, bitte. Hello? Ryan, it's Paul. - You wanna take over? - I wouldn't dare. Hello, mate. Yeah. On my way. Romario Estrada, 41 years old. Has a wife and child. Living in Chile. Wife is called Eudiza. Now, she's not exactly stable. History of mental health problems. Eating disorders. One suicide attempt, unconfirmed. The daughter is called Yanina. Now, Estrada comes to London twice a year. He stays at the same rented apartment in Kensington. L2,000 a month. Well, that's it for now. Job is doing a recce tonight, so we can plan to do a dry run tomorrow morning. I'll have this project's files sent through by courier later this evening. I'll speak to you then. You're very funny, Paul. You okay? You fancy coming into town with me on Saturday and get a new game? Dad, will you come skiing with the school if I go? Course, mate. All right. I'll go. Okay. Job, will you be able to make sure that that parking space is kept clear for him? That's his red roadster, isn't it? Yep, got it. Okay, can you give us a quick door-to-door on that? About nine metres. He's 6'1 ". Paul, what do you work his gait out as? One and a half metres a second. Ryan, we got local CCTV online. Job, you're out of a job, mate. Six seconds, that's tight. But it's okay. We can do this. Right, Job, you're gonna have to be on traffic patrol, then. When we're live to go, no one moves near the target. We can't have him moving backwards or forwards when we've got such a slim margin. Okay, Job, can you step back a pace? Yeah. Good. Right. On my mark. Mark. Bang. Ryan! - Welcome. - Hi. - Good to see you. Here he is. - Michael. Now, right through here... What? Aren't you cold? No. I'm all right. You're an idiot sometimes. You know that, right? Yeah, I know. You just don't think things through. What are you doing? Please stop. Michael will see. No, he won't. Michael's at school. - You're such an idiot. - Yeah. This is l-4. He's on the home stretch now. L- 1, all yours. Good luck. L- 1 here. Roger that. I make his ETA three minutes. Car's parked and the path is cleared. Job, lock down the area, please. Roger that. Roger that, Artemis. You have a go to launch. Artemis is now online. Artemis ready. Target's in the channel. Oh, Jesus. They shouldn't be there. Job, get his attention! Job, we are still a go. Has he talked to you about it? No. He's hardly said anything to me at all. Look, it was a horrible mistake. Totally unpredictable. There's no way that Ryan could have foreseen what would happen. So what now? Well, fortunately, the target didn't pull through his injuries. You guys should get away somewhere. Get your mind off things. Go hiking or something. Yeah, of course. Look, I hate to do this, but you and I both know that Ryan can be unpredictable at times. You have to make sure that he doesn't do anything silly. Okay? Of course, Paul. I would anyway. No, Di, what I mean is, we can't afford to have anyone knowing about Ryan, about what he does. You really need to make sure. For yours and Michael's sake. As well as for Ryan. It's Paul. Do you want to say hello? I think you better speak to him later, Paul. Okay. Bye. I talked with Principal Curtis earlier. He was telling me how well Mike's fitting in. Good. Good. You know, they're going skiing tomorrow. Well, we've been invited. And I thought it'd be quite nice to go along. You go. Look, I know this is hard for you, but come skiing with us tomorrow. Please. It shouldn't have happened, Di. For God's sake, Ryan, enough! It was an accident. That's all. You were doing your job. So just get over it. What would you do if it happened to you? If Mikey and I... Like that? I don't know. No? Well, I know what I'd do. I know what I'd do. Hi. Yeah. I need a ticket to London, please. Mikey, go tell your dad we're ready to go. - Hello? - Hey, mate. It's Dad. - Dad! - Could you put Mum on for me? Mum, Dad's on the phone. It's him. I'll call you right back, Paul. - Ryan, where are you? - I'm in London. I don't have much time. I want you to look something up for me on the computer. Of course. Is everything okay? Yeah, yeah. It's fine. There's a list of numbers that the Estradas phoned from their flat in Kensington, and one of them is a dry cleaners. I need the name and the address. Okay. Hang up in a bit, darling. Royal Dry Cleaners. 32 Young Street. You sure you're okay? - Has Paul called? - Yeah, of course he has. Don't tell Paul anything. And what do you think this woman's gonna say to you? I'm not gonna talk to her. I just wanna see how she's... You can't do this. God, you're such an idiot. I've got to go. I love you. No, Ryan, wait, please. Please. Just wait. Please think before you do anything. I will. Chiswick High Street, please. Yes? Hello, Mrs Estrada? Yes? Hi. I'm sorry to bother you, it's Royal Dry Cleaners here. We think we've got some of your husband's documents, and we were wondering if you could come down and collect them at some point. Now is not a good time. The only thing is that they do seem important. And it would be better if you could come down and check for yourself that they are yours. Okay. I'll come right down. She's on her way. To the dry cleaners? Listen, if I could just speak to her for just a few seconds, face to face... Ryan, you promised. They won't let you get anywhere near her. They won't even know I've done it. - I've got to go. Wish me luck. - Ryan... Hey, Lily. Hi. Oh, my God. Awesome bag. Oh, you should see the matching shoes. Love! You know, you look different lately. Really? Yeah, like you're glowing or something. Oh. You're not, uh... Oh, that's unlikely. It could be this new face cream I got. The active ingredient is human foreskin. And you put this on your face? Smoothes out your fine lines. Just be careful not to rub too hard, know what I'm saying? Yeah, I got all the complexion-erection jokes from the gal at the cosmetics counter. Morning, Jordan. Hey. Lily. Ooh, sudden chill in here. Drop it. Fine. Look, I need a raise. My accountant says I'm worth $1.50, after taxes. Be sure to stick that in an IRA. No, I'm serious. Bernie says if I don't start saving now, my heirs won't get a dime. You don't have any heirs. I know. He still wants me to draw up a will. You don't have a will? You're an M.E., for God's sake. I'm a young M.E. There'll be plenty of time to think about that stuff when I'm your age. You know, you really ought to see someone about having that nasty little patch of denial removed. Dr. Macy, you've got a priority call from Boston University Hospital. Everything's a priority over there. Tell them we'll pick up their patient ASAP. Thing is, it's not a patient. One of their CT surgeons dropped dead in the middle of performing open heart surgery. This place brings back memories. Got your tonsils out here as a young lass, huh? Well, actually, yeah. Also did a surgical residency back in '95. Mercy. You must have been head of your class. That was a long time ago. Hi. What happened? He was doing a quadruple bypass. He seemed fine, then he mentioned feeling dizzy and the next second he collapsed. You tried CPR? He was already gone. You know this guy? Yeah. How long ago did she collapse? I don't know, 15 minutes maybe. What'd she take? She's got a prescription for Seconal. She uses it when she can't sleep. Has she been drinking? Yeah. You gotta take care of her. Jordan. Can you hear me? Damn it, don't you die on me, Jordan. Jordan! Jordan. Jordan. You okay, love? Yeah, I'm fine. So, who is he? Dr. Elliot McCafferty. He's one of the top heart surgeons in the country. Friend of yours? Not really. He just saved my life once. You mind riding back with the body? It's what I live for. Patient was admitted to the E.R. Complaining of shortness of breath and radiating chest pains. Mr. Siegel's echocardiogram revealed severe aortic damage. What's the best way to avoid post-op stroke? No-clamp fibrillatory arrest strategy? What if there's mid-ascending aortic involvement? Anyone? Replace the ascending aorta under hypothermic circulatory arrest. Oh, at last. Signs of intelligent life. Okay, Cavanaugh. Let's go for the gold. Under what other conditions would you induce hypothermic arrest? If the patient has multiple or circumferentially involved areas. I'd remind the rest of you I'm not asking these questions for my own amusement. They're questions of life and death. And the day you hold someone's heart in your hands, if any of you make it that far, you damn well better know the answers. That's it. Dr. Cavanaugh. Yes, sir? I've got a bypass scheduled at 6:30. Feel like scrubbing in? Absolutely. Thank you. Don't thank me yet. Just want to see if you move your hands half as well as you move your mouth. Take it easy. He is not a damn popsicle. Arnold Hummer, chief cryo-technician, LifeXpand Incorporated. This is my client, Mr. Reims. I need your intake manager, stat. Are you some kind of lawyer? Lawyers suck the life out of people. At LifeXpand, we're about sealing life in. This isn't one of our gurneys. You bet your Union Jack it's not, Churchill. This is the Pork 5000 Portable Rescue Cart. It's my own design. This is going to revolutionize the business. And exactly what business is that? Cryo-transport. I'm here to save Mr. Reims. No offense, but I think you might be a hair late on that. You're way too hot to be a cryo-baby, honey. Death is over. It's strictly second millennium. Let it go. Why is he on cardiopulmonary support? And what's with the IV? Nimodipine, heparin, some free radical inhibitors. The exact formula is classified. LifeXpand personnel only, patent pending. Mr. Reims needs an autopsy, which you have made infinitely more difficult by polluting him with a river of chemicals. What autopsy? He was adjusting his satellite dish and fell off the roof. Now, let's get him signed out, so we can get him vatted. Cryogenic suspension. Mr. Reims will be preserved until his condition is reversible. But his condition is dead. Man, you people are like a broken record. Enough. What the hell are you doing? If the family agrees, you can have the body when I'm through. You cannot dissect this man like a frog. You are ruining his chances at future life. Superficial contusion near the left temple, a probable impact injury from the fall. No other obvious signs of trauma. Is it really McCafferty? Yeah. He always seemed the type... Who'd never die? Yeah. Guess I figured he'd just ascend to the heavens in a golden chariot or something. Seeing him on the O.R. Floor this morning, he... God, he seemed almost human. Yeah. Hell of a surgeon. Oh, come on, Garret. You hated the guy. He wouldn't have gotten my vote for Mr. Congeniality, but if my ticker ever blew, he sure as hell is the guy I'd want holding the knife. Must be weird for you. Just another body. And this is Mr. Busch. He's heading for Potter's Field. Oh, no one claimed him? Been three months. Dr. Macy said we need the space. Hey... He was an organ donor and no one ever claimed him? That's kind of unusual. Isaac Busch, 25. Died in a motorcycle accident. Parents are dead, no siblings. Pretty sad. You know what? I think I'll handle this one myself, Emmy. Cool. Sorry I'm late. Why is Mr. Reims still on the Porkmobile? The only way I could get rid of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. Hummer's not that bad. He actually believes he can extend people's lives. What, by pumping them full of chemicals and freezing them like TV dinners? Well, there's more to cryonics than that, Buggles. I cruised the LifeXpand website. It was a tad out there, but what's wrong with offering a bit of hope to those facing the great unknown? What's wrong is, it's a bloody scam. I can't imagine what these hustlers charge. $120,000 for full body suspension. Sweet Nancy. Hummer slipped it to me on the way out. It's a bit pricey, but there's an economy plan. For $50,000, they'll put your brain on ice. Yeah, I bet you could get half price. Why so cynical? My uncle Sanjay fell prey to these body snatchers in London. Bought a life insurance policy, 85 grand. Named them beneficiaries. Well, they've got to keep these bodies fresh till science solves the mysteries of death. 85 Gs to change the pickle juice every 10 years? Someone is getting very rich. Drop the blade, butcher boy. I'm calling security. Call a lawyer instead. This court order enjoins you from mutilating my client. Fine, but this gives you no claim over Mr. Reims's body. He's not leaving this morgue. Now, now, lads. I'm sure we can work something out. Or not. McCAFFERTY: Where you from, Cavanaugh? I grew up in South Boston. Oh, a local girl. Mrs. Levin here is your neighbor. Adjust the side-biting clamp. You want to be a heart surgeon, you're gonna have to touch a few hearts. Run your finger along the pulmonary artery. Pretty cool, huh? Amazing. Should we run a Doppler probe, Doctor? Not worth the time. Here's the fun part. Proximal anastomosis joining the vein graft to the aorta. Her aorta's in pretty bad shape. Oh, I've seen worse. Will the graft hold with that much atherosclerosis? Check out the rookie slinging the lingo. I didn't mean to suggest... Ready to sew. Move the clamp, Cavanaugh. Loosen and pull. Nice and easy. Damn. What's wrong? She's hemorrhaging around the aorta. Pressure's dropping. Did I do something? Uh-oh. I need a 4l0 Proline, now. Cross-clamp. We're losing her. Come on, Mrs. Levin. Work with me. Don't bail on me. Time of death, 7:39 p. m. Dr. McCafferty, did I... No. She'd already had two heart attacks. Her aorta was extremely fragile. But she was... Lesson one, patients die. Go home, Dr. Cavanaugh. How is she, Doctor? There was too much damage. I'm sorry. But you said Jan would be fine. I'm sorry. I did all I could. You arrogant son of a bitch. You killed her. Why don't you try sucking on the tailpipe of a Buick? It's faster. Tried it once. Smeared my lipstick. Who the hell are you? Garret Macy, M.E.'s Office. Oh, a coroner. Wow, I didn't know they let you guys out of the crypt to walk among the living. It's a new policy, but we have to wear sun block. Examined the body of Mrs. Jan Levin last night. McCafferty's op report said you were in the O.R. When she died. And? Was hoping you could fill in some holes for me. Talk to McCafferty. I'm just a resident. I was observing. Which led me to think maybe you saw something. I mean, why did he choose such a damaged portion of the aorta? You ask me, I think he put the graft in the wrong place. I didn't ask. I gotta get back to work. Anybody ever tell you you got a lousy attitude? Anybody ever tell you you dress like a coroner? My wife and daughter, every morning. Well, they're right. Not even a surgeon yet and you're already convinced God talks to you through this thing, aren't you? Actually, I listen to patients' beating hearts with this, but knowing your line of work, I can see why a guy like you wouldn't recognize it. Exactly what do you have against M.E.'s? You mean besides the fact that they're complacent bottom ten-percenters who act more like vultures than doctors? Yeah, besides that. Seconal? And here I was thinking you sleep the sleep of the righteous. Try working 36-hour shifts three times a week. Messes with your internal clock. Why are you afraid to talk about what happened in that O.R. Yesterday? I got a ward full of patients waiting. Any one of them kicks, I'll send them your way. You are killing Mr. Reims! He's already dead, you moron! All right, hold on, hold on. Okay... Listen, all right, calm down, calm down. Now, I appreciate your position, Mr... Hummer. Right. But the problem is this... He's nutty as a loon. What is your baggage, Kashmir? Do you have stock in Kübler-Ross? All right, take it easy. As I was saying, Mr. Hummer. Mmm. I appreciate your group's interest in preserving the decedent, but the fact is that... Have you people even read our literature? Uh-huh. It's rubbish. You feed off the irrational fear of death. A fear you ghouls perpetuate every time you slice up an innocent corpse. I mean, who signs your paychecks, the Grim Reaper? Charlatan. Undertaker! Everybody knock it off! That's great. I just gave myself a headache. Might I suggest that we boil this imbroglio down to its essence? By all means. Mr. Reims requires an autopsy, but Mr. Hummer fears that it will imperil Mr. Reims's future. My proposal is, we operate. What, as if he were a live patient? Yeah. That's preposterous, even for you. Whoa, whoa, whoa, the limey might have something. Mr. Reims's cells are breaking down by the second. I have to get him vitrified and suspended pronto or he's toast. Bring on the marmalade. He's already toast. You promise to put everything back where you found it? Sure. Oh, please. Don't make me do this. It's my only way out of this nightmare. You're just gonna have to take one for the team. I do respect your policy, but this man has no family. He's gonna be buried in a city plot off of the Mass Pike. I think the people whose lives he saved would want to know. Uh... No, that's all right, I'll call you back. That's not a happy face. I'm fighting with the Northeastern Organ Bank. What do you need? The names of Mr. Busch's organ recipients. They took his kidneys, his liver and a lung. And all he got was a lousy t-shirt. He's just a kid. And they're gonna bury him in some grave in the middle of nowhere. That blows. Big time. Mr. Reims falls off the roof of his house fixing his TV and no... Everybody's fighting over his body. While my guy has saved who knows how many lives and nobody gives a damn. The thing is, there are good reasons for keeping donor information confidential. It's a very emotional process. I get that, but what about Mr. Busch? He died at 25, alone. I don't see anybody getting emotional about that. Except you. Maybe you should let it go. I'll find these people if I have to track every transplant on the East Coast over the last three months. You might want to tread lightly, Lily. I tried that. Now I'm strapping on the stilettos. What's your problem, man? Missed you, too. Chief of Surgery called me into his office, ordered me to see you. Your boss plays golf with my boss. Small world, huh? Smaller every time I see you. Let me show you something. Mrs. Levin's heart. McCafferty's report said it was too weak to sustain the graft. He would know. But her aorta wasn't completely shot. Just the portion McCafferty chose for the anastomosis. Did he do a Doppler probe? It wasn't in the report. If he had, there's a good chance Mrs. Levin would be alive right now. Look, if you're so sure about this, what do you need me for? Because you were there. Without a statement from you saying McCafferty botched the surgery, I don't have the juice I need to rule this death what it really was. Accidental, not natural. I am not qualified. That's a bunch of crap. I got my ass out on a limb here, too. My boss isn't exactly overjoyed I'm pursuing this, and I need you to come clean. So who's covering his ass now? Sorry to interrupt, but Mrs. Levin's husband's here to claim the body. Okay. The truth is the truth, Dr. Cavanaugh. Only question is whether or not you have the balls to say it out loud. I'm so sorry about this. I did all I could. "Moron's Handbook For Writing Your Will. "Had your name written all over it. Love, Garret. " Funny guy. McCAFFERTY: Come in. Hey, Cavanaugh. You wanted to see me, sir? You did a good job in the O.R. The other day. Sticking your hands inside a live chest for the first time, it's no picnic. Thanks. I just wish... The outcome had been different? Well, unfortunately, it comes with the territory. Mmm, tea? Yeah, thanks. There's gonna be an M-and-M conference tomorrow to review Mrs. Levin's surgery. Apparently, some corpse jockey in the M.E.'s Office has a little too much time on his hands. You ever been to one? No. Morbidity and Mortality. Ask me, they should add a third M for "Masturbatory. " We present the case, a panel of colleagues discusses the outcome. That she died on the table. As a result of normal operative risk. Is that what really happened? To literally hold patients' lives in your hands every day, to accept that responsibility, to thrive on it, requires a truckload of talent and a damn healthy ego. And the ability to climb back on the horse when things don't go your way. Those are the doctors that make my team, the doctors that I turn into the best heart surgeons in the country, present company excluded. My gut tells me you may have what it takes, Cavanaugh. I'm flattered. Well, you should be. And when it works, the team has the power of life and death. When we bring somebody back from the brink, defy death with nothing but a knife and a needle, there's no better feeling in the world. Want to know how that feels, Dr. Cavanaugh? Yes. Good. The sooner we get this M- and-M out of the way, the sooner we can see about making you part of the team. Oh, Cavanaugh. What the hell, Macy? You're like something I stepped in. I heard you guys are holding one of your secret little buddy club meetings. It's called an M- and-M conference. Limited to faculty and residents, off the record, to encourage candor and improve patient care... Not to mention eliminating a little thing called liability. Look, I didn't invent the thing, okay? What do you expect from me? I expect you to have some integrity. Call McCafferty on his mistake. Don't be complicit in a damn cover-up. Man, you are the most self-righteous, stubborn... What's it like living in your black and white world, Macy? It sucks. But at least it's real and it's honest. Let me ask you a question. What are you gonna say when they ask you what happened in that O. R? I don't know yet, but they're gonna be my words, not yours. Fine. Just ask yourself one question. Who's gonna speak for Mrs. Levin? The operation report seems pretty straightforward. Anything to add, Elliot? I think we've covered everything. Obviously, this case had a disappointing outcome, but given the patient's cardiac history, it wasn't terribly surprising. Dr. Cavanaugh. Yes. You were present during Mrs. Levin's bypass. Anything you'd like to say? No. I concur with Dr. McCafferty's account of the surgery. Okay. Looks like we're done here. You wanted to see me, Dr. Macy? Yeah, come on in. Damn thing was wobbling. It was driving me crazy. Anyway, Lily, I got a call from Sharon Kreitzer at the Northeastern Organ Bank. Seems someone from this office was trying to breach transplant protocol. Right. The thing is, is that there's a decedent named Isaac Busch, and... I know all about Mr. Busch. I signed him out to Potter's Field two days ago, but for some reason, his body is still here. Uh, yeah. Uh, the thing is, I was just trying to... Lily, I get it, but the NEOB has a really tough job. I don't want any more inquiries made. What I do want is Mr. Busch in a van by the end of business tomorrow. If you would just listen for a second... I really don't like to pull rank, but this meeting's over. You can't just dismiss me like a child, Garret! Listen, this isn't personal. The organ distribution system's not perfect, but it's my job to work within it, and if you intend to work here, I expect you to do the same. Is that clear? Fine. Can I go now? Yeah. 3-0 silk. I'm gonna sew up the stomach. Vitals are strong. Blood pressure's zero over zero. Come on, luv. Just having a bit of fun. It's not often we get to put them back together. Cause of death, massive internal trauma related to fall from a great height. Somebody call Ripley's. One more word and I will filet his brain like a flounder and then I will start on you. Gentlemen, we have a patient on the table! Remember our motto, "First do no harm. " He's dead! Well, do no more harm. A new professional low, performing surgery on a corpse. My parents would be so proud. Heard Macy read you the riot act. Let's just say he made his opinion known in no uncertain terms. You know, you did everything you could for this guy. I'm sure he'd thank you for going the extra mile. I'm not giving up. I'll pay for Mr. Busch's burial myself if I have to. Lily, you don't have that kind of money. Besides, Macy said about... Screw Dr. Macy, okay? Mr. Busch is not going to Potter's Field. I'm gonna find the people who he helped and explain what's happening to him. But I do need your help. What can I do? The NEOB lists all the transplants in its computer. The names and addresses of all of Mr. Busch's organ recipients are in there. Hang on. You want me to break into the confidential NEOB database? Come on, Bug. You and Nigel have hacked into dozens of systems. Yeah, and Macy has threatened to fire us every time. You're right. It's not fair of me to ask you. I'm sorry. I'll do it myself. Hey, Macy, wait up. What the hell do you want? Look, I'm sorry. I wanted to help you... So you decided to help yourself instead. Just 'cause nothing came out in the M- and-M doesn't mean you have to give up. Actually, it does. My boss got the skinny on your little powwow. No evidence of medical misjudgment. Mrs. Levin's death will be recorded as natural. Which means her widower has no claim against McCafferty or the hospital and no way to know what really happened to his wife. I really am sorry. Are you? If you're looking for absolution, go find a priest. All right, what's wrong? I know the face. Spill it. You ever work a case with an M.E. Named Macy? Wiry, kind of serious, got a mouth on him? Yeah. That's the guy. He's been all over me. About the woman who died on the table yesterday? Mrs. Levin. He wants my take on what happened. He's a coroner, Jordan. That's his job. Just tell him what you saw. That's the problem. I'm a lowly resident. McCafferty is a great surgeon. I'm not really sure what happened. But you think he might have screwed up. No, don't smoke those cancer sticks in here. In fact, don't smoke them at all. Ever heard of the Surgeon General? Yeah, and I'd rather take him on than McCafferty. Dad, this guy can make my career. Or break it. You've been dreaming about being a heart surgeon since you were 13. Yeah, but the thing is, this woman's aorta was a train wreck. I tried to tell him, but, you know, hey, what the hell do I know? She probably would have died anyway. But you're not sure. You arrogant, naive little prima donna. I'm sorry, but I think you made a mistake on Mrs. Levin's bypass. You think? Do you have any idea who you are, Dr. Cavanaugh, in the grand scheme of the universe? Do you think by contradicting my op report, you've somehow scored points for yourself? No. I... I had to come forward. I felt the truth... Oh, oh, oh, I see. You're the protector of truth. Must have been wearing your superhero costume under your scrubs. That's why I missed it. You have to hear me out. I've heard enough. Your pal Macy switched Mrs. Levin's cause of death to accidental. An hour later, I had a malpractice attorney on the phone. Mrs. Levin's husband intends to sue the hell out of me and this hospital. I am really sorry. Not yet. But you will be. You have to understand. I... Needless to say, any shot you had at making my team is history. I also had a conversation with the Chief of Surgery. It seems the resident program is over budget. They have to eliminate a position, and since you were the last one hired... And I wouldn't waste time applying to the other top CT programs. They'll call me for a recommendation, and I can't imagine my opinion furthering your cause. Good luck, Dr. Cavanaugh. It's called a glass. Look into it. Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you. Well, you did. You okay? Yeah, I was just sick of not sleeping at my place. Thought I wouldn't sleep here a few hours. McCafferty dying bring back some memories? When the hell did you get so smart? I know my daughter. Yeah. Thought I'd put all that stuff behind me, you know? Take it from me, you never leave anything behind you. Not completely. You want to talk about it? My career is completely screwed. Everything I've worked for. Now, it's not the end of the world, Jordan. It's the end of my world. McCafferty blacklisted me. If I want to be a heart surgeon, I've got to train in Bolivia! Look, I've been through a few crises in my life. Always seems hopeless at first. Now, I can't promise you everything'll be okay, but one thing's for sure. We need more scotch. You know, doesn't help you haven't slept in a week. Yeah. Feels like I'll never sleep again. I know this may not mean much right now, but I'm proud of you. No, no, you did the right thing. And I'll be paying for it for the rest of my life. Well, yes, maybe it feels that way, but you'll pick up and go on, just like always. I guess. You okay? Yeah, fine. Excuse me, I've got to... I think you've had enough. Jordan? Jordan! Talk to me, honey. Coming through. How long ago did she collapse? I don't know, 15 minutes maybe. What'd she take? She's got a prescription for Seconal, she uses it when she can't sleep. Has she been drinking? Yeah. You gotta take care of her. Jordan, can you hear me? Damn it, don't you die on me. Jordan! One, two, three. What's the story? Possible barbiturate overdose compounded by alcohol. Vitals? Pulse is thready. BP's 70 over 40. You're McCafferty. Pupils are dilated. Who are you? Lieutenant Cavanaugh, and this is my daughter. Get her into number four now. I'll do everything I can. You damn well better save her, or you and I are gonna have a problem. Got this line going. Open it. She's not responding to the fluids. Defib. Clear. Clear. Come on, where's that spunk I hate so much? Crank it to the top. Charged to 360. Clear. Got a pulse. It's weak. She's back. I'm Lily Lebowski. Can I help you? My name is Dick Robbins. I was told to see you. Can I ask what this is regarding? I understand you have the body of Isaac Busch here. That's right. Well, three months ago, I got a new liver. Tried to find out where it came from, but the organ people wouldn't tell me. You have Mr. Busch's liver? Yeah. You should have seen me before the surgery. Another week and I would have been dead. I... I've been trying to find you. Well, I'm grateful you did. My family's got a plot up in Lynnfield. If it's okay, I'd like to bury Mr. Busch up there. Oh... I think that's wonderful. Well, it's the least I can do. I'm planning a simple funeral for Thursday, my wife and kids and a few friends. I'd really like for you to come. I'd be honored. Good. Mr. Robbins, how did you know I was looking for you? Well, I got a call from a doctor named Macy. Real nice guy. Anyway, I'll see you Thursday. Okay. Awake, I see. I feel like hell. You almost died. You know, I spent good money putting you through medical school. Were you absent the day they taught you never to mix sleeping pills and alcohol? Dad, my head is killing me. You pull a stunt like that again, I'll break your neck. Nice to see you back among the living. Mind if I have a word with your daughter, Lieutenant? Dad, it's okay. Nurse tells me I should thank you for saving my life. Forgive me if I'm not feeling very grateful. Well, you fought like hell to live. I was impressed. That was my primary goal. Not dying was just an added benefit. I was angry yesterday. It's been a while since I was challenged. Legal fees notwithstanding, maybe it's not such a bad thing every once in a while. Probably not. Point is, you've got courage, a quality I value. So hurry the hell up and get well. Surgery schedule's full all week. You telling me I'm not fired? You're smarter than most OD's we get in here. You know, it's funny. I... Last night, while I was on that table, dying, I wasn't thinking about being a great heart surgeon. I was remembering all the things I love about living. My dad and windy days on the Cape, the Stones in concert, you know? All the things that make me happy. At least as happy as I can get. Over these past few months living my dream, I forgot all about those things. Fact is I've been completely miserable. Let me see if I have this right. You're turning me down? Yeah, guess I am. Do you have any idea what you're giving up? Probably the biggest mistake of my life. Truth is, I just suddenly realized, man, I do not want to be you. So maybe I need to figure out what the hell it means to be me. What the hell is going on here? Can it, Gandhi. We're working. Uh, Mr. Reims was a trifle fragile post-autopsy, so Arnold asked if he might perform the cryo-transport here. And you said yes? Don't get your sari in a bunch. We're almost done. What's his body temp? Minus 286 degrees Fahrenheit. Wouldn't want to be a brass monkey. Excellent. I'm closing him off. We're ready to vat him. Vat him? Here? Bring it in. What the hell is that? That, my young Luddite, is Mr. Reims's cryovat. His private jet to a boundless future. Yeah? What do you got in there? Liquid nitrogen. The only way to fly. Shall we pop him in then? In a moment. First, the LifeXpand Creed. "Do not go gentle into that good night. " Dylan Thomas? Even the creed's a fraud. "Rage, rage, "against the dying of the light!" LifeXpand! Gotta admit, you've never seen anything like this before. Dr. Macy. Hey, Lily. I wanted to thank you for what you did for Mr. Busch. I didn't do it for him. I was way out of line before. I know you were just following your heart. I really don't need an apology from you. I just... I need you to understand why I did what I did. Okay. See, when a person gives a piece of themselves to someone, like Mr. Busch did, something that helps that person, that makes a difference in their life, that gift needs to be acknowledged and appreciated. Can you understand that? Yes. So when you get a gift like that, you should treasure it, because it doesn't come along very often. So I guess what I'm saying is, if you have a problem with that, then maybe I should find another place to work, because I'm not gonna change, not for you or anyone else. Well, you never let up, do you? Didn't think I'd see you again. Well, I kind of miss that morgue smell. You know, I came by the hospital to thank you and they said you'd quit. Something like that, yeah. You look different. What? Different how? Better. You got a little color in your face, you're not so damned thin. That's good. Oh, I quit smoking. Get outta here. Yeah. Decided to take your advice, suck on a Buick instead. Changed my whole outlook on life. So what's next for you? Oh, who knows? Maybe I'll take a trip around the world, chill out. Can you afford to do that? No. Why are you here? I was thinking about Mr. Levin. The husband of the woman. Yeah, yeah. I know who he is. What about him? That day you dragged me down here, I saw you comforting him. I would be terrified to talk to someone who was in that much pain. You get used to it. You know, it helps if you've had a little personal experience in that area. Truth is that not many people understand what it is that we do here. I mean, we're obviously here for the dead. We're also here for the living, you know? Right. I'm... I gotta go. Cavanaugh, not that you'd be interested, but we've got an associate coroner position open. I mean, I know we're all complacent vultures, but it's honest work. You... Okay, you're offering me a job? Think about it. Something tells me you might liven up the joint. Where the hell have you been all day? Decided to take your advice. I finally made out my will. When have you ever listened to me? I always listen to you. I just rarely do what you say. Oh. Yeah. Your inheritance. You made my will. I don't mean to rain on your funeral, but you know it's customary to actually die before you start bequeathing your estate. Come on, that's no fun. Just open it up. What's in here? This brings back memories. Yeah. You still talk to God through this thing? No, we e-mail now. Always thought it was McCafferty who saved my life seven years ago. I finally realized it was you. You showed me what I was supposed to do with my life. I owe you one. (whinnying ) ( straining ) Come on. Twister! You OK, girl? I had this feeling you were up to something tonight. Ahh! Whoa, girl... whoa. Whoa... all right. OK. It's all right. Calm down. It's OK. I'm just going to take a look, all right? Just... OK. Easy. Whoa. Whoa. All right. I'm going to go for it, all right? Easy. OK... all right, come on. Come on. ( straining ) I'm just, I'm just helping. No, come on. Oh... girl, he's OK. No. Come on, boy. Come on... come on. Twister! Twister, he's beautiful. You got to see him. ( thunder booming ) Easy. All right. Easy, boy. Easy. I'll be right back. You got yourself a beautiful boy. ( whinnying ) Well, I'll be. That's the quickest I've ever seen a foal up. I think you got yourself a runner. Twister? Virginia? Daddy? Stay here, Caroline. Dad, where's Virginia? Virginia! Hey, boy, hey. Virginia, what... Twister just gave birth. I can see that. Dad... Twister's... well, she... ( sobbing ) Look, Dad, I'm sorry. Virginia, the next time that you have one of your premonitions, or feelings or whatever, and it involves you running out into a thunderstorm at 4:00 in the morning, you are going to be camping out in your room for a month. (horn beeping ) Oh... hell. - 'Morning, Ford, Virginia. - Blake. Lit up pretty here last night. Yeah, it was, uh... it was a rumble, all right. Sorry about the mare. She was getting on in years. Hard to believe she waited so long to give me a foal. Appreciate you two taking charge... 32 hands on the payroll, all with their heads up their butts. Pardon the French, Virginia. - You're pardoned. - There you go. What's this, Blake? It's for a newborn's immune system. Yeah, I know what colostrum is. It's for the foal. It thinks Virginia's his mama. - I just don't want... - Blake, we must get moving. The race starts in less than an hour. I have to register the contestants, brief the vets, review the ground rules... Don't get your undies in a bundle. No race in this county is gonna start without me. All right. Well, gotta go. Virginia, think you can come up with a name for that foal? Sure. Why don't you two join us in town for the finish... we're gonna have one big celebration. Mm-hmm. Cross your fingers for Darrow. Cross your fingers and hope he gets lost. Virginia... What? Darrow's a jerk... everyone knows it, except Caroline. And where do you think you're going? To feed the foal. Who else is going to do it? One of Blake's hands. Impossible... they all have their heads up their butts. Virginia... I don't want you to go near that horse. It's a foal, dad. Foal, horse... whatever. Whoa there, fella. Easy, boy. 'Morning, Lee. 'Morning, Virginia. Come here, boy. Got a mind of its own. Boy. Yeah? Hmm... yeah. Sunrise? Oh, it's ok. Nah, too wimpy. Dancer, Prancer... Nah, already taken. Sleepy, Grouchy, Dopey... ( whinnying ) Sorry. Just brainstorming'. Stormin'... Storm... Stormy! That's it, Stormy. You like that, don't you? Thought so. You got a way with horses, Virginia. ( rumbling ) Whoa! Easy... I got him, Virginia. Get away! Get away! Get off the trail. Get away. That's Darrow. He has a personality disorder. Keep your arms in! You ride like a chicken! Whoa, boy. Need a vet, now! Get a bag. Check the horse. But I'm here as as grand Marshall. How do you think you got that job, Huntington, - county elections? - Right. You worked him too hard. You're not at the halfway mark yet. I know the game plan, Dad. Then follow it... wait till the final stretch, then you run this nag into the ground if you must, understood? Oh, jeez... yeah. Come on... yah! Hurry up! Huntington... - what the hell are you doing? - The requisite physical overview. I'm checking for lameness, mucous membranes, back withers, attitude, muscle and anal tone, according to the checklist. Just take his pulse and get him on the road. Right. Anal tone. Come on, boy, come on. Come on. Heeyahh! Heeyahh! Come on. Come on. Come on. Hey! Whaaa! Hey! Come on, go. Yeah! That's my boy! Yeah! My dad might be watching. So what? I'm already an hour late. I'm sorry. What are you looking at? - Not much. You're putting me to sleep. Oh, yeah? Maybe this will wake you up. Looks kind of small. We got a bigger one for our sow Susie at the state fair. Saddle her up. We'll gave a go at it. Oh, wait. Didn't you guys eat her? I could whip your butt. Just let me know when your daddy lets you back on a horsey... I'll be waiting. Happy trails. I'll let you borrow my pig trophy, If it'll make you feel any better, Darrow. Wow. Virginia, you have a gift. It's from mom's recipe box. Oh, no thanks. - No thanks? - I don't feel like it right now. But you always liked lemon-meringue pie. I'm kind of full. She just wants to keep her girlish figure for Darrow. Uh, yeah, well, uh... Speaking of Darrow, in my opinion, he drives a little too fast. And you can tell him that, if he doesn't slow down, you won't be going anywhere with him, OK? And while we're on the subject, isn't that skirt a little bit too short? Ha, what, for lobster town? - What about your jeans? - Jeans? You used to criticize me for wearing them too much. The ones with holes in the butt. That's it. I'm finished. ( stammering ) What did I say now? Teenagers. So, how are the lobsters running, dad? Lobsters don't run... They crawl. Oh... Well, do you need any help on the boat? OK, what is it? Out with it. Well... I want to start riding again. Would you like some Ice cream with your pie? Answer's still no. May I please be excused? Yup. Ay- ay- ay... Give me patience. Sometimes I can't help myself. Things just pop out. You're the bratty little sister. That's your role in the family unit. I think you have a nice figure. I hope I look like you one day. That'll come sooner than you think. Don't push it. Why do you like Darrow? He's such a jerk. If he's such a jerk, then why hasn't he told dad about you feeding the foal. Well, he wouldn't do that... would he? Why do you even want to ride after what happened to Mom? I am glad Dad sold Twister to Blake. I hate that horse. It wasn't Twister's fault. Mom told us that at the hospital. I know that now. I knew that then. ( sobbing ) I just couldn't understand it. I still don't understand it. ( whistling ) Stormy! (whinnying ) Hey, boy. Here you go. Want to go for a ride tonight? Come on, boy. Go. (Virginia ): "Twister came through again. " "Best heart and lungs" "on any horse you could ever find. " "Our third Memorial Day victory in a row. " "Blake offered to buy her again. " "Ford told him he'd have to start looking for another wife. " "A wise man. " "I'm thinking we should have another baby. " "Haven't decided whether I should" "let Ford in on the scheme yet. " "Our surprise package arrived last night" "at 2:42 a. m.," "four days apart from Caroline. " "They told me the second one is always easier... they lied. " "14 hours in labour and she came out kicking and screaming. " "I think she's going to be a force of nature. " Easy... get hold of him, boys. Easy, fella, easy. Keep control of him. Jeez! We got him for you. Get on. Take him. Come on, let's see what you got. Come on. Let's go. Ha! Go easy, Darrow, go easy. Hey, come on. Let's go. Tighter, let's go. Go easy. Just work him slower, Darrow. Yeah! Come on. Hey! Come on. Hey. Whoa! Stormy, stop! Whoa, boy! Son of a... - Come here, boy. - You all right? - Easy, boy. - Get off me. Should have that horse shot. This is a western bit. Does he look like a barrel horse to you? You might as well have used barbed wire. You're right... he doesn't look like a barrel horse. He looks like a dead horse. It's all right. No one's going to hurt you. Ah, the, uh, the bottle-nosed deer fly. They're the worst. Excuse me? A wide splatter pattern, and, uh, very sticky. Ooh, you got a purple-winged, uh, kumquat there. Actually, I've got something that, uh... for that. Hold on. By-winged froghopper. You can always borrow this if you want. I mean... - Just in case you ever... - No, thanks. It's all right. - ... run into a yellow-nosed... - Needle pointer. So, where are you headed? Here... I'm training For Blake Raines... first week. Oh, he'll keep you busy. That's what I like. Jessie Eastwood. Ford Lofton. Nice to meet you. And you. Well, I suppose we'll be bumping into each other again. Yeah, it's, uh, it's a pretty small town. Everybody, uh, kind of knows everybody else. See you. Take care. Stormy update. Oh, don't worry. I didn't shoot him. Where is he? Sold him. Some sucker upstate. Just thought you might want to know. ( bell ringing ) Have a nice day. (whinnying ) Stormy! Stormy! Stormy! Stormy! Ahh... damn it! Your mom was really good at this Easter-egg making. Dad, a tiny hole is a lot better. Oh. And you have to be patient. That your outfit? Oh, no, Dad, I just came downstairs to help you with eggs. Then I'm going back up to change. ( giggling ) What's wrong with your sister, bythe way? Ah, Darrow's dad sold Stormy. Who's Stormy? Twister's colt... come on, she's been acting like it was hers ever since she delivered him. What do you mean, she's been acting like it's hers since she delivered him? - Well, um, ha... it's... - Well, then, what? Well, it's actually kind of funny... I got to go. Bye, Daddy. Hey, Mr. Lofton. Splendid day to be painting your eggs, huh? ( knocking ) Virginia? Hey. I heard about the horse. He was my horse. No, Virginia, he was Blake's horse. He would have died if I hadn't been there. Well, you don't know that. They never should've sold him. He should've stayed here... with me. Mom never would've let this happen. Virginia... I told you to stay away from the horse. You don't think I did that to punish you, do you? I don't know and I don't care! I miss her so much. So do I. We all do. But she's not coming back, Virginia. But we can keep her here... in our hearts. That way she'll never be gone. Don't you feel her in your heart? Hello... hello? Hi. Oh, hi. I'm Ford Lofton. Remember we met the other day? The entomologist. I was hoping, uh, hoping you'd have a few moments. Sure. What's on your mind? Well, I was, uh, I was wondering if maybe you needed some extra help around the stables over the next couple of months. Setting up fences, looking after tack, that sort of thing. I figured you for the type who already had a job. It's not for me. It's for my daughter, actually... Virginia. Does she ride? No, but she knows her way around horses pretty well. Well, I could probably use the help, but it's not really my call... you'll have to speak to Mr. Raines. Oh, I've already spoken to him, but he said that it was up to you. She's a great kid, she really is. She practically runs the household. See, she lost her mom about three years ago, so she's the one who's had to take up most of the slack. I'm sorry. Thanks... it's, uh, it's something you learn to deal with. Send her over. Great. I'll have her here this afternoon. Bye. I appreciate this. Thank you. She'll be so excited. Let me down! Let me down right now! I will not raise a daughter who doesn't talk, who doesn't smile and who feels sorry for herself 24 hours a day. It's my life. I can do whatever I want with it! Who's she, Dad? Her name is Jessie Eastwood. She's very nice. I'm sure she's delightful. OK, out you go. She's expecting you. What? Is it going to be the fireman's carry again? Git. Her hip is a little short. She's not getting under her back end. You'll have to teach her to overstride. Move. - Are you Virginia Lofton? - Yeah. Your dad didn't tell me you're a know-it-all. Just trying to point out a few particulars so that the horse moves better. You know how to saddle one up? Do I look like I was born yesterday? I'll tell you that in about 30 minutes. Take Princess in the barn. Grab a couple of helmets. Good horse. She has a soft mouth. I think we've already met. - When? - A couple of nights ago. You and your horse nearly landed on top of my car. My dad sold Twister to Mr. Raines after Mom's accident. I guess he just didn't want her around to remind him. He told me he never wanted to see me on a horse again. It's been almost three years. So, you ride at night? Stormy was my horse. Even though he didn't belong to me, I know that's how he felt, too. So, what do we do now? What you do is clean out the stables. Come on. Hey, Dad. Hello, Virginia. PB-and-J and a beer? You're missing out on some of the major food groups there, Dad. Uh-huh. So, um, how does toasted burrito sound? I think we got all the fixings. Mmm... yep. Here we are. So, how did work go today? Great. Miss Eastwood's real nice. You know, you were right about her. Mm-hmm. What did you do? Stuff around the barn, stable. Cleaned up, oiled some tack. That's it? That's about it. You didn't, by any chance, happen to do any riding, did you? I saw you, Virginia. I ride because I love it... and it reminds me of Mom. What's wrong with that? Look, I know she's not coming back! I know that! I'm not the cook in the family. No, no, no. This is, uh, this is fine. Good. Got it. # Oh, the future lies in the cradle # The future lies in the cradle # The future lies in the cradle # And the past lies in the ground # Oh the future lies in the cradle # The future lies in the cradle # The future lies in the cradle # And the past lies in the ground # We all leave a footprint # Here upon the earth I wonder # Will I leave # A footprint # Will I make a ripple # On the deep blue sea # On the blue sea would there be a ripple Sorry being down some farmer's driveway in the back seat of your car doesn't thrill me. You know what? Just drop it, OK? - Ooh. - Darrow, what are you doing? Let me out of the car. Use the door if you want. Ha, poor little Darrow didn't get any tonight, is that the problem? Tonight? What the hell is so different about tonight? Darrow, take off your glasses! Hey, what are you doing? Stop it. - Get off me. - You're not able to see the road! Darrow, let me out of the car. Darrow. Darrow, turn the lights on! Stop it! Changed your mind, huh? Get off me! - Ahh! - Oh God! ( screaming ) Ford, I'm sorry. Imagine that stupid farmer driving in the middle of the night on that bridge without his lights. Can you imagine that? Caroline... Caroline? Oh, my God. Mr. Lofton, Mr. Lofton. What? Is she... is she OK? She took a pretty good poke in the nose but it's a clean break. It should heal without any disfigurement. I've got her on Demerol. Want to keep her overnight. You sure that's it? She's going to be fine, Mr. Lofton. She's in a light sleep. Oh. Oh, Caroline. - Ooh! - Ow. Ooh, I'm so sorry. - That bad, huh? - Oh no, no, you look fine. Liar. Um, do you remember when Paul Cramer got hit in the nose with a baseball? - Yeah. - He looked awful... at first. He still looks terrible. Oh. Um, has Darrow called yet? Uh, I'm not sure, I... I don't think so. Oh, OK. Hello! Hi. Have you got a minute? Uh... Well, you've got three options: You could, number three, ask me to leave:, number two, we could talk on the porch; or you can invite me in. Hmm. Wow. Well, I'd never have thought of that. There's a technique to everything. How's Caroline? She's good. Darrow's a bit of a handful. More of a shovelful, I'd say. Where's Virginia? Oh, they're up there together. I'm gonna keep my distance. They're getting along. She's a good kid, you know. You should let her ride, Ford. That's between me and her. It's also between her and her life, and her and her spirit. That's what she's got leftover to wrestle with once you've made your decision. You know, I'd quite understand if you wanted to exercise option number three and ask me to leave. I won't be offended. You know, I lost my dad when I was nine. I was raised by my mother and three sisters, and I've spent almost my entire life surrounded by headstrong women. An opinion or two doesn't bother me. Do you have any sugar? So, uh, thanks for helping me with the, uh... I enjoyed it. I like Easter. That's not exactly what I meant. I know. ( whistling ) What? What are you looking at? Oh, uh, nothing. Oh, she speaks. By the way, I've got to go to Watertown today on business. So, uh, I'll be away for the night. For the night? Uh-huh. But I'll be back tomorrow. But we're celebrating our birthdays tomorrow. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. I realize that. But I'll be back in the morning. You got my cell-phone number just in case there's any problems. OK? Hey, girls, show some fortitude. You've been left on your own before. I'm sure you can handle it. See you in the morning. It's been so long since you played. Yeah, I guess it, um, I guess it reminds me of Mom. Why don't we open our presents to one another? Without Daddy? He went on a stupid business trip, didn't he? Yeah. Where is it? Virginia? Yeah? Oh. Found it. You first. OK. Oh, Virginia, it's, um... it's beautiful. What do you think? It matches your eyes. I mean, well... not right now. But, well... Oh, jeez. I love it. - OK, open mine. - OK. Oh, Caroline. It's just like Mom's. I know. I have a confession. Yeah? I've read Mom's diary. I know. So have I. You have? It's under your mattress. Turn to March 5th, 1991. "I took Caroline to the stables today, again," "and tried to get her on Misty. " "She bawled her eyes out. She wanted no part of that horse. " "I was disappointed at first, but it made me" "take a hard look at myself" "and admit that I was doing it more for me than for her. " "I wanted another rider in the family so much," "but I wasn't thinking about her needs. " "Even though they seem sort of undeveloped," "kids have their own outlook on life. " "You can interfere with them up to a point," "then you have to back off. " "I really don't care now" if Caroline ever gets on a horse or not. " "She's going to find out what interests her" "and she's going to become her own person. " "She and Virginia have brought so much joy into my life, " "so much more than I ever thought" "a God-given gift possible. " "And I have to pinch myself each day" "just to make sure it's real. " You memorized it. I was so afraid that it would get lost someday. ( engine rumbling ) Stormy! Hey, boy, how you doing? Just one minute. I'll be right back. Thank you, thank you. Oh, thank you! Happy birthday. Quit bawling. Take him out for a spin. Go! What? Nothing. Nothing. ( whistling ) ( chuckling ) Oh. It's fine. It's so beautiful. I know. I can't believe Dad got me a pearl. I can't believe he bought me Stormy! Hey. Wow. You guys look... you look great. - So do you. - Oh, well, thank you. But the tie has to go. - Why? What's wrong with it? - Everything. Hmm, let's see here. You're ready. Go on. Dad? Are you sure this is a good idea? Look, I've taken you to Blake and Lydia's Easter- bonnet party since before you could crawl. Have you seen my car keys? We can't avoid them forever. Besides, it's been a while since I've taken my girls to a dance. Have you seen my... ( humming ) Give them to me! ( laughing ) Ford! Girls! I'm so glad you came. Hello, Lydia. It'd be a shame not to have you here. I love your bonnets. Thank you. Ford, save a dance for me? Oh, look, there's Jessie. She's with Mr. Crane. Ughhh! Uh. Well, let's go say hello. No, she's, uh, she's dancing. So what? I don't know what to say... Come on! Come on, Dad. Show a little fortitude. Yeah. Come on! - I, I... this is... - Come on, come on. You know what? OK, stay right here. Excuse me. Cutting in. Good afternoon, Mr. Crane. - Miss Lofton. - Yes. - Oop! - Oh! So, did she like her present? Well, it got her attention, that's for sure. Good. Ahem. So, would you like to dance? I think that was the plan. ( slow music playing ) # Where are you tonight # I wonder # And where will you be # Tonight when I cry # Will sleep to you come easy # Though I alone # Can slumber # Will you welcome me # In the morning # At another one's side # How easy for you # The years # Have slipped under # And left me a shadow # The sun can't dispel # I have built for you a tower... Cutting in. # Of love and adoration... Caroline. I, uh... Didn't know you would make it today. I wouldn't have missed it. You look great. How do you feel? ( gasping ) Feeling much better. Thanks. Ohhh! 'Morning, Dad. Hi, Virginia. You have a good ride in the rain? Yeah. You know, he's so strong. Strong enough for an endurance race, would you think? Excuse me? Oh, it's just that there's an endurance race Memorial weekend... I thought... Yeah? Thought you might like to enter, that's all. But of course, if you, uh, if you don't want to... No, no, no! I mean, yes, I mean no! Yes, I want to ride, I want to ride! - Are you sure? - Yes, I want to ride. Thank you, thank you. - Watch the branch, Virginia. - Oh! Slow. ( Virginia ): I rode with Dad for the first time in so long. He borrowed Charlie from Mr. Tucker. Stormy's pulse hit 129, but came right back down after five minutes. He's going to be ready. Personally, yours truly feels like one big knot. Dad got me on what he calls boot-camp schedule. Three more weeks until the race. It's weird seeing Dad and Jessie together. I have a premonition about it, but I think it's a good one. You pick a 10-mile stretch in the race, then you make your move. The idea is to burn out the pack around you, so that you put enough distance between you and them so they can't catch up with you. Dust them off. Got it? Got it. Come on. Virginia, go! Whoa! Look at you, Ms. Hunter Jumper. Easy, boy. Oh, don't worry, Wendy, he doesn't bite. His name's Stormy. He's not afraid of your stupid horse. Oh, no? You sure about that? ( laughing ) What are you dweebs laughing at? Let's see what else he can do. How about a race down to the tracks? ( train whistle blowing ) Um... Ooh, 1:00 train. Makes things interesting. Some other day, Darrow. What's wrong? You need permission from your mommy? Oh, sorry, I mean daddy. Yaaa! Yaaa! Yaaa! Come on. Let's go. ( train whistle blowing ) Go for it, Stormy. ( brakes screeching ) Come on. ( train whistle blowing ) ( horse neighing ) ( Virginia ): It rained really hard last night, but it's supposed to clear up forthe race, which is tomorrow. Stormy's ready. I think I am, too. And somehow, I just know that Mom will be watching. Stormy! He couldn't have gotten out, Dad. Even if I left the door wide open, he would've stayed until I got him! He can't have got far. He's around here somewhere. He was stolen, and you know it. The tire tracks. You know it. Who would steal a horse in a storm? Darrow. Darrow? He may be a spoiled brat, but stealing horses is way out of his league. I whipped his butt in a race. He's afraid of me and Stormy. He doesn't want to lose. Racing? You have no business racing, especially that idiot. Look, I'm sorry. I... I shouldn't have, I mean... I shouldn't have. ( arguing ) ...get the hell off my property. Can you pass me the, uh, meat? Dad. Dad, wait up. Hey, where you going? I'm going to get, get the word out, keep looking, talk to the sheriff. Great. Then you can drop me off in town. Caroline, I think you should stay with your sister. Dad, I've got a hair appointment, And I can't cancel it. A hair appointment? Yeah. She'll be fine. She's tougher than you think. Come on, let's go. Hair appointment. OK. Thanks a lot. Bye, Dad. (p.a.): Attention, please, attention. All contestants are requested to report to the registrations table and then proceed to the scale, where they will be weighed in with their tack. Hi, Joel. Hi. ( telephone ringing ) Hello. Ah, Virginia, I know where Stormy is. What? ! Darrow and his two dweebs did steal him. Well, how do you know? I told dweeb number one, Joel, that I've always had a massive crush on him. ( Virginia ): Uh-huh. He's so pathetic. He spilled everything. Oh, my God, the race! It starts at noon. That's 45 minutes. Where's Dad? He dropped me off and split. I think he's still looking. Oh, jeez, where... where is Stormy? Don't do anything stupid. - I won't. ( Caroline ): - Promise me? Caroline! The shack at Lampert Creek. Virgin... In your dreams. ( laughing ) ( engine reving ) I'm sorry. Oh... Come on. Please. Ohhh! ( groaning ) No, whoa, whoa, whoa... Oh, OK, OK... ahhh! Clear. Mount up. 'Morning, Blake. 'Morning, Colonel. Oh. Whoa, whoa! Contestant number 17, Darrow Raines. 168 pounds. Mount up. Oh, whoa, whoa! Oh, oh, oh, stop. OK. Stormy! Stormy! Excuse me, may I have your attention, please? Attention, please. Quiet! The course is marked with the customary white flags indicating turn-offs and paths. There will be two vet checks, where your horse's pulse will be taken, and overall fitness to continue will be assessed. As you can see, the route will take you out of town and continue to the barrens, where vet check one will be. After leaving the first vet check, you will be looping around the countryside, doubling back over the barrens and the route to the finish. You may consult your maps if you are unclear at any time. And I should like to point out that this year we have A magnificent new trophy, Generously donated by Blake Raines. Thank you. Thank you. Dad! I was looking all over for you. Listen, I hate to say this, but I think the horse has been stolen. Darrow stole it. His friend confessed. I called Virginia, looked for you and called Virginia back. Slow down. Did Virginia say where she was going? No, I just told her not to do anything stupid. ( siren wailing ) Virginia! Oh, no. Clear the road, please. Everyone stand back. Clear the road, please. Dad. Caroline told me, and then I drove the spare truck. You what? You said it was for emergencies... - OK, spare me the gory details. - 'Morning, Ford. Saw her out of town, occupying a lane. Thanks, Sam. No problem. Kind of like to see Raines's kid get his butt kicked. I'm tired of him and his old man thinking they run the county. We got another one. Huntington, let's get the show on the road. Right. They weren't briefed, and I do not have their names on the morning sign-up sheet. What are you talking about? They're already registered. They're just a few minutes late, that's all. Sorry, I can't permit it. - Let her ride! - Yeah, let her ride, Quinn. Let Virginia ride. ( all ): Let Virginia ride! Let Virginia ride! Let Virginia ride! Let Virginia ride... Riders on your marks. Come on, Misty, come on. Go get 'em, Melissa. ( all ): Let Virginia run! Let Virginia run! Let Virginia run! Let Virginia ride! Let Virginia ride! Let Virginia ride! Let Virginia ride! Let Virginia ride! Let Virginia ride! Let Virginia ride! Let Virginia ride! Let Virginia ride... This is bordering on civil disobedience, officer. And it's your duty to stop it. Forthwith. Seems to me there's an easy way to do that... forthwith. Let Virginia ride forthwith. ( all ): Let Virginia ride! Let Virginia ride! Oh, all right, put her on the scales. ( cheering ) Good luck, Virginia. Thanks, Melissa. Whoa, whoa, Misty. Slow down, girl. Hey! - Move it, get out of the way. - Hey, knock it off! Let's go. Let's go. Come on, boy, come on. Yah... yah! - Watch it. - Hey, hey, hey! I had no choice, Blake. There was no recourse. It was a mob run amok. Crane, you're a coward. Right. Ah, what the hell. She's so far behind, anyway. You know the routine. Let's go to work. - Whoa, whoa. - Whoa, Son. Good job. Come on, Crane. Let's go. Move it. - Check her here. Here you go. - Thanks. - Come on, come on. - Check it, check it, come on. Yes, yes. - Come on. - You have plenty of horse left. Ride him into the ground if necessary. 132... rather fast. He'll need at least 10 minutes. - Five minutes! - Five minutes. Perfect. Right. Clear. Come on, Darrow. Go get 'em. OK, got him. Come on. Who's in front? Costello and Raines. - Gary. - Hey, Ford. - Dad... - What's he got? 94. He'll need around eight minutes. Eight minutes! Dad... Virginia, calm down, you've got plenty of time, plenty of time. Relax. Yah! Yah! Ahh... oof! Come on, Misty. Come on, girl. Hmm... - She's in the race. - How far back? Close enough. I should've kept that damn horse. I don't lose races, Son. Huntington! Huntington! Get over here! You're pushing him pretty hard, Darrow. I'll take care of this horse, Miss Eastwood. - I got it. No problem. It's not necessary. I can handle it. I'm quite familiar with this horse. 135. He'll need about 12 minutes. 12 minutes? What the hell are you talking about? He's overheated. His pulse is racing. 12 minutes rest, and we'll check it again. Oh, my God, you idiot. Excuse me? Damn it! Uh, Jessie. I apologize for my... my boy. Uh, he's a real hothead. Probably spoil him too much. But, you know, 12 minutes seems a lot. The horse needs it, Mr. Raines. Miss Eastwood, have you been happy working at the ranch? - Yes. - Good. 'Cause I've been happy with you. When I see someone doing a good job, I make it a point to reward her. So, what exactly are you saying, Mr. Raines? I think you should recheck the horse. No. The specs are correct. And you could let go of my arm now. Come on, boy, come on. Yah. Clear. Clear. Let's go. Come on. Get out of the way! Hey! What the... Let's go. Come on. Hey! Come on! Stupid horse, let's go. Yah! Yah! Good boy. Come on, let's go. Come on. Come on, boy. Hey! Hey! Ahh! Yah! Stormy! Stormy! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, boy. Come on, boy. Yah! All right... Ugh! Come on, boy. Hey! You got two minutes. Suck it up. Whoa, boy. Whoa, boy. Whoa... whoa. Good boy. All right, come on, boy. We can do this. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, boy, easy. Whoa, whoa. What is it, Storm? OK. Come on. Yah! ( whinnying ) Damn it! Yah! Come on, come on. Go easy, that's it. Come on, yah! Yah! Let's go. Come on, Storm. Yah... yah! Here they come! It's Virginia and Darrow! Here they come! It's Virginia and the spoiled brat! All right! Come on, Virginia! ( cheering ) Come on, Darrow! Move, so I can see! Come on, you can do it. Come on. Yah! Let's go. Let's go, Darrow. Come on, Son! Come on, boy! Yah! Let's go. Let's go. Come on. Bring it home, Storm, bring it home. Good boy. - Are you ok? - Yeah. - Did you fall? - I had a little help... Stupid horse! But I'm fine. - You did so good. - Thanks. Right on, Virginia! May I have your attention, please? Your attention. Entry number 36, Miss Virginia Lofton, has been disqualified. What? ( booing ) Settle down. Hear him out. We've just learned of a course violation which has, ahem, has been, uh, verified by a secondary source. Verified by who? His old man? And, and after a judicial review, the official winner is... is Darrow Raines. That's my boy. ( booing ) Ha, ha... Come here, Son. Ha, ha, hey! We did it, buddy. Check his pocket. - OK. - Way to go, buddy. That trophy will look great on the mantle. Run up and get it. Ooh... Whoa-ho! Everyone, I want to thank my family, friends... and, to all the racers, you rode a real clean race. Thank you. Mr. Marshal, would removing a flag from the course qualify as a violation? ( crowd ): Ohh... Busted! Cheater! I repeat that, uh, uh, that after a, uh, after a thorough examination of the, uh... ahem... of, of the facts... Put me down! ( giggling ) ( both ): One... two... three! Ahh! Go get it. It's yours. You deserve it. Go. Here you go. Yeah! Speech, speech, speech... Well, you know, I'd like to thank my sister for finding Stormy, of course. Ahh! Ha, ha, ha... This is good. I made the pie. He doesn't make pie, he buys it. I've been thinking... I've been thinking. Come on, spit it out. I'm thinking we'll paint the front of the house. Yeah, right, like we paint the house and you watch. Oh, that's you... You never do anything when you want. We do what we always do. We all do it together, and... Oh, ho... You are so, totally, grounded. ( laughing ) ( Virginia ): It was the happiest I've seen Dad in such along time. He said Jessie would spend the night in my room, because Blake fired her, kicked her out of the guesthouse. She didn't seem very upset. Caroline is out of her Darrow phase, and her nose looks almost perfect again. ( Jessie ): If you're painting the house, paint the barn. May I please be excused? (Virginia ): I think Mom would be smiling and laughing right now, too. I got through the race because of her and Stormy, and wanted to find a really good way to thank them. I'm going to give Stormy a week off, which I think he'll really like. But I didn't know what I could do for my mom. After a while, though, I sort of figured something out. I realized that I can't do anything for her like I can do for Stormy. I can never bring her back... But I can always keep her in my heart, like my dad said. And, that way, she'll never be far away. She'll know when I goof up. And she'll know when I do something good. And that's OK. Yes! I did it, I did it, I did it... Uh... Uh... Ok! Ok See your diaper I'll change your diaper You're not wet Geum-soon, wake up Song-yee must be hungry Geum-soon, wake up Song-yee must be hungry Get-up right now Geum-soon! Saving My Hubby Take him out Or just give him away Geum-soon! I don't have time to eat But you should eat a little at least Forget it - Drink some milk then - Geum-soon, where's my collared shirt? Here, the closet's full of them I can't wear a colored shirt on my first day Why are you so picky all of a sudden? I told you to iron my white shirt yesterday! Don't get mad at me! Think I had it easy? You know I literally broke my back watching Song-yee You watched Song-yee? Don't look at me like that! Fine, I'll iron it for you You didn't even shave yet, so stop complaining How could he be so shallow? Just because he looked after Song-yee this morning If he'd just iron... What? Swallow something? I said not to swallow this What's this? huh? I knew I should've ironed it last night At least it's on the back It won't show with your suit on I'm not going! No! I'll get fired before I even start working Dummy! Then just leave your coat on! Would you like another? Yeah It's me Yeah Is everything okay? Yeah Got into trouble for being late, huh? Yeah Say something else but yeah! Think I feel good about sending you off like that? I'm sorry I'm really sorry Geum-soon, are you crying? What are you crying for? I was wrong I'm serious I'm sorry for getting you mad I'm really sorry - Liar - I'm serious Have you eaten lunch? Yeah, I did You did? - Yeah - But I haven't eaten anything yet How could you eat after what happened? Dummy Chicken head But there's no way my Geum-soon would starve I know you ate something I didn't Yes, you did You laughed? Know what happens when you laugh after crying? Don't - If you laugh after you cry... - Stop it Stop it - Want me to sing for you? - Yeah, sing for me But aren't there people at the office? Who cares if I'm going to sing for you - Anyway, where are you? It's noisy - Oh, it's the television Here I go One sec Out of all the stars A star is looking down on me With all these people around, I'm looking only at Geum-soon When I think of you, A bunch of flowers pop into my mind I'll hide behind a leaf, And wait for you Two people in love, Like you and me Become a butterfly and a bunch of flowers, so we can meet again I'm here I said I'm here! What's all the fuss about? And what's with your hair? I'm pooped I'm going to sleep Go sleep in your own home You're worst than a kid Right? Geum-soon, answer the phone Answer the phone! - Oh no! - Why? - Oh no! Oh no! - What's wrong now? Joon-tae's parents are coming up to visit - They're coming now? - No, 5 am tomorrow morning You're pathetic Why are you panicking now? The house is a total mess It'll take over two days to clean You need a whipping - What are you good for? - It hurts Your mother's feelings hurt even more! All you did was play sports, and never learned to do chores I told you I didn't want to get married! Then who's the one that got pregnant? Let's go I'll come and help you tonight Oh goodness You forgot the baby strap! Geum-soon! What am I going to do? Go away Honey! Honey, there's a big problem Can't you hurry home? There's a cricket in the bathroom Hurry up Hurry home and kill it, okay? What? Well, I'm not sure when we'll be done I know they both like beef soup, but what's your mother's favorite food? Our mother! Okay, so what's our mother's favorite food? Hard-boiled mackerel? Why else? I'm just trying to score some points from them What about your dad? I mean what's our father's favorite food? Stir-fried noodles? Wow So how did that shy and unattractive guy snatch away Geum-soon? Weren't you and Joon-tae roommates as trainees? Actually, he was a die-hard fan of hers And when Geum-soon had her shoulder injury, he met her somehow, - Comforted her, and then... - And then? - She got pregnant - I see So right after that young girl turned twenty, he took her virginity I didn't know he was a player So he did, huh? What a plump healthy baby What have you been feeding your baby? I just breast feed - What kind of breast? Cow's breast? Human breast? - Human That's a good thing My grandson only gets fed milk, so he's weak You're one very smart girl My mother-in-law is very strict, so she totally opposes milk What a lucky woman As for me my daughter-in-law must have radish in her ears Oh my, he's going to be a strong general Look at his hands It's as big as the lid on a pot Or he could be a great thief with those hands I bet his pecker is this big! Right? Mackerels Noodles, I bought Got the beef, vegetables, and mushrooms Onions and carrot are already bought Red peppers, green onions, and Hello? Hi, Geum-soon What's up now? You're very drunk Yeah, very But you can't even drink They kept pouring it for me, so I couldn't help it Do you feel sick? When will you be home? Yeah, I'm coming now We just finished Then buy two mackerels on yout way home What? Mackerels? Yeah, I forgot to buy it LG Mart only opens till 9:30 But Cheil Market opens late, so buy it on your way home Remember, it's our mom's favorite dish You always forget and misplace things, - Spill things, drop things, burn things - I'm sorry No, I'm not getting on your case I'm just saying that they're your greatest charms Whatever I'll buy it, so don't worry - But one more thing - What's that? - Song-yee has a big problem - What about her? Someone called her a plump boy again Really? And her hand is like a pot, so she'll be a great robber Why do they keep thinking she's a boy? Think she'll be able to get married? She won't because she'll be with us forever She's an adorable girl Anyway, good thing for her With her big hands, she can be a volleyball player Really? You thought so, too? That's so weird Honey, I was thinking the same thing actually You're telling the truth, right? It's burning! Better buy it, okay? - Bad girl, you burned it again - Let's go Round three is on me - Send those girls home - Sounds good to me Go home before it gets too late, okay? Sir, I also should be going Under whose authority? Follow me. Let's go To Joon-Tae 1999 9 25 Be Happy Look, your daddy made this album Weird, huh? Surprised? Shoulder Injury Causes Defeat Song-yee, wanna try it? Wanna? Okay, let's do it Jump and spike Jump and spike And start! 7 seconds! A new record! Next is Joon-tae Me? Yeah, it's your turn Going counter clockwise Applause! And start! Drink! Drink! - A little more - 10 seconds - Let's drink ourselves - Yeah, pour me one How many seconds? 18 seconds - That sucks - I knew it - Foul drink! Foul drink! - Give him a foul drink, and pass it on Drink it! Tasty Where is he? Joon-tae! Come here! Wake up, Joon-tae! - Hello? - Han Joon-tae is your husband, right? - Who is this? - Come get him now Hurry, hurry - What are you talking about? - Are you deaf? Come and get him before I break his legs! He drank a shitload without paying for it If you don't, I'll tear him apart Pay me the 1,700,000 won 1,700,000 won? What's with this bastard? No credit cards - Hey! - What? Where did Joon-tae go? Either he's puking in the toilet, or he went home You're dead meat today The boss and I are partying all night - To Garibong district - Hey driver, take me to Bulkwang Hello, take a look Your change! Sir You shouldn't sleep here Get up, sir You should get up Sir? Sweety, shall we have a drink? Down the hatch What's with this bastard? No credit cards You idiot If you pick up a customer, do it right Gotta use the old tactic again Give it to me The cell phone! Moron 1,700,000 won? How could he drink that much? Hurry and get him Or we'll deal with him our own way? Is my husband still alive? Have a good time Isn't it winter there in Sapporo? Snow? You're so lucky Who? Oh, Young-sun She's in Saudi Arabia I just talked to her But that girl... Hey, I'll call you back - Here - Is Soon-shim having fun? - Did she go to Las Vegas? - She's happy to be away from you Hello? You're at the police station? Go to the main street, then take a left, and go 100 meters straight You'll see a convenient store, and then stop Then take a right Wait, was it a left? Anyway, you'll see a massage parlor and then a PC cafe Take a left at that alley, and you'll see a video room Take a left at that alley, and when you see a store, take a quick right, and go about 30 meters Then you'll see our sign, Vivre sa vie Vivre sa vie, okay? In the basement... Oh yeah The sign will be off, so look carefully When you go down What? Explain again? You're supposed to listen carefully You can't even get that? You bonehead Go get her yourself Who can find this place? I can't even find it myself Hello? Don't go anywhere, and just stay there I'll send one of my The dialed number cannot be connected at the moment Hey, you pigeon head Go get it recharged now I explained it to her, so she'll find it You shit head Ha Ha, Hello Excuse me Viva su ri? Vivul vi su ri? Excuse me Is there a bar near here called Viva something? Or starting with Vivul perhaps? The dialed number cannot be connected at the moment Honey Why aren't you answering? What should I do? Are you feeling okay? You're okay, right? That's 20,000 won Excuse me I'm so sorry Why don't you put the baby up here? There aren't any customers You wet yourself a lot, my princess You chubby princess - Princess? - Yes? You just called her princess - How did you know? - Pardon? - That she was a girl - Well... Oh, right Is there a Viva something bar? It's supposed to be near here I'm not sure Viva or Vivu vi? - It was Vi something - Why don't you ask that guy over there? Hey, mister Mister! Listen to me, woman Forget what goes on around here? Customers have the right to touch you Are you some girl or virgin? Go before I get angry But you should pay me first Nobody salaries to employee in the karaoke The tips should be good enough But the tips were included in the drinks You already know that Shut up, and just get out of here Please give it You said you'd pay me before Don't mess with my temper Give it Give it here Think I'm stupid? I knew you were stealing to sell them But I was patient I just took what I didn't drink I was going to call the cops, but I felt sorry for you Better leave now, before I get you deported What do you think? About what? Something's weird about the air tonight Don't you think so? Yeah, I think you're right But, sir I heard Yang-dong Gang's White Snake got released He did After serving for 15 years I heard White Snake looks cool With his white suit, white shoes, and white hat That's not all Even his socks, handkerchief, and lighter Everything on him is white Are you serious? White Snake had fought 10 guys before, but he never got dirty Then he sliced them up to the bone, and no blood got on him Cool, huh? But, sir I heard he's gonna run Yang-dong's Gang now Heard the pigsare watching over him, but I'm not too sure Rumors also have it that he's arriving tonight So is there gonna be a war? Excuse me Is there a bar near here called Viva or Vivul vi something? - Why do you wanna know? - You know it? I don't Poor woman Her husband must've cheated on her What's wrong now? - I wanna go home Please let me go - Of course you will, but in a little while Don't misbehave I'll get mad if you don't listen - Can I help you? - No thanks Don't worry Let's go up, and just talk, okay? - While we drink soda - It's okay, so let's go Mister, please Miss How much are these? - Please - I said let's go What the? Hey Damn it! Here Damn it! Come here! Here you go Welcome back, sir! What the hell? Catch her! Who the hell are you? Come here! Hurry up Why are you chasing me? If it's the fruits, I'll pay for it Who are you? I'm just a mother Do you realize what you just did? I'll pay for it - For what? - The fruits Are you joking around with me? Get her Song-yee, are you okay? Go get her! Can I have a glass of water? Have some We were about to have a bowl, too Go ahead It's well-cooked, and don't worry about us Here Clean yourself up Thank you A pretty girl like you shouldn't be around here Did you fight? Stop it Let her eat the soup when it's warm Oh, how are you? Sell a lot? Just the same old I'll rest here for a bit If I fall asleep, please wake me up Okay - You have to wake me - Don't worry Everything is my mistake Please forgive me Your suit will arrive soon Gwang-pal! Gwang-pal! Gwang-pal After suffering for 15 years, is this how we welcome him? Is it? Yang-dong's Gang existed for 20 years It's our biggest disgrace Who cares if she's a mother or grandmother Catch her fast Yes You've fallen victim to a common crime They drug a drunk person, and he wakes up, having to pay a huge bill So what should she do? Vivre sa vie No! Is it okay? Any stains? It's okay It's okay It's okay It's okay Move! Move! Move! Hurry Sir I've brought it What are you doing here? I'll kill her! Bastard! you! What happened? We were curious why you didn't come What? You idiots! Why didn't you get her? What's the point in catching a mother, damn it? Mommy! Get her! shit! - Where did she go? - Hurry and catch her! Oh no! Song-yee! Song-yee! Song-yee! Song-yee! Song-yee! - Song-yee! - Mommy! - Thank you Good-bye - Okay, Good-bye, precious Be careful What's wrong with him? Not sure I guess the drugs are kicking in Oh yeah! The snow piles fly away The cold wind blows I strained my voice calling Then I saw the sea Geum-soon! Geum-soon, where did you go? Have you lost your way? - Do something with him - Should I put him to sleep? Whatever it takes Why hasn't she called? There was a message, so I guess she'll call again When will that be? Hey meathead That's why I told you to get her You dodged? Come here Die Why do you always hit me? Hello? It's me Who did you say? Who else? It's me What? Forget my voice, too? It's me, Geum-soon What's wrong with your voice? Are you hurt anywhere? No - Fight with Mr Han again? - I said no I told you not to say that Stop calling him Mr Han It's gross You're worried because of his parents, huh? If I m scared of them, you must be worse But why come at five in the morning? Those people, I swear I wanted to go help you But your father's friends suddenly came over How's dad? The same as always He drank a lot today He's not like he used to be I'm worried But he promised me he'd stop drinking Think it's that easy? You know your father always loved a fight As a young man, he was a labor activist But when you grew up, and did all kinds of sports, I thought it was fortunate he fought for you instead Then after you turned out that way, he lost his energy to live, and aged 10 years faster Why does he keep doing that? You know already He said he hates the world and lived it through you, so what can he do? Your father started a new fight lately I can't stop that man If it's a silent protest, then he should be quiet, but why wear a mask and make that pitiful face worse He looks like some monster Some hero he is Mom What? Mom Yeah Mom Stop calling me mom and speak What's wrong? I just wanted to call you mom What? What's up? wait! I am coming right away No There must be something wrong Then why are you crying? Just because It's because I miss you With one spike, Geum-soon wins the game! - Hurry and put him to sleep - Go Geum-soon! Sweety, drink up Okay! Wow, he's our best catch Sir, what s wrong? Is it the wrong size perhaps? It's a bad sign The color I hate most is red It was exactly 15 years ago The day our Yang-dong Boss died was like today Mee-sook's red lipstick The day when it stained my jacket They chase after a woman carrying a baby What the hell could it mean? Don't you think they're asking for a fight? Viva Maria and Talent If they storm into our businesses, and thrash the places up, then it's already spoken for Doesn't it mean that they want war? But why the woman and her baby? That's what I don't get Sir, let's think this simply They thrashed our businesses That's what's important What I'm getting at is why include that woman, and... That's enough It happened exactly 15 years ago Mee-sook had a fling with White Snake, and then it happened Our Wang-kwan Boss dies of a heart attack Whatever it may be, I'll get the boys ready Yes, I understand It's war What's wrong with him? There's no end to it You should've used good stuff instead of being cheap, You little prick Sweety, here we go Ready and go How many seconds? 10 seconds, you did it No! But I can't stop here For a new record - Sweety, let's stop - Let go! This sucks Here I go! Start! How many seconds? How many seconds? Vivre sa vie - There she is! - Get her! Stop! stop! Mackerels So you're saying that you won't pay, right? It's just that I don't remember drinking that much, and I don't know where I am Sweety, want us to make you remember? I can't take it - What? What? - He's throwing a fit for more drinks What's to worry? They're all fake anyway Just keep it coming That drug really works I m sorry, sir Gwang-pal, Gwang-pal Gwang-pal! - Gwang-pal Gwang-pal! - Give me a chance, will you? I lost a lot today, too Hurry and play Damn it Mister Give me two mackerels please Song-yee, don't cry You'll meet daddy soon And for a side dish? What should I do? She won't wake up no matter what Welcome! - Mister! - Yes Give us two grilled eels Booze? The green one - The green one? - That was corny Hey, why aren't you pouring me a drink? Come on, sweety Wake up, idiot! I'm sorry, but could you look after my baby? Tonight, you're all gonna drink till you die, so don't think about leaving The baby looks good on you Maybe I should bear you another kid Should we? Oh goodness Excuse me This, too I bet you're lonely Since Han Joon-tae that bastard ran away Bastard Even though he can snatch Geum-soon away, I'm no match for him He's dead meat Run away from me? - How old are you? - Twenty You're Geum-soon's age What's your name? No, don't tell me Your name's Geum-soon today Geum-soon Geum-soon! Let's play, you and me! Wow, she's one scary girl Why'd she do it? He deserves more than that I'd do worse Of course you would You did the same Tearing my hair out See? No hair - So? So? - I'm just saying that he deserves it What's happening? Why? I think the baby wet my back That's so funny Why are you carrying a baby? It just happened Jee-hyae, do you have diapers? Of course Whose baby is it? Oh, it's you Do you know it? Sure, the mother left some diapers here, too - Really? - Yes What a cute boy You're so big You'll be a general Princess Forgive me Like you said, Wang-kwan's Gang is mobilizing fast And our boys? They're ready to fight It finally came down to war As we expected, Yang-dong's Gang is preparing to attack We can't wait any longer I'll throw the first punch No Wang-kwan Boss died 15 years ago from today whatever happens, we have to avoid them Yang-dong Boss died 15 years ago from today We can't today Go tell this to him That I want to meet Get the hell up! Get her! You still look as bright as ever You still look good yourself Hey! Stop! You're dead! My comeback? All I did was just come back home If you'd like to hear from Mee-sook, please let me know I'll set it up Mee-sook Stop there! Please Bad luck Boss! Boss! - Kill them! - Get them, you idiots! Boss, are you okay? Boss Boss Husband Husband Where's my husband? Who are you looking for? Han Joon-tae You're finally here Four more whiskey bottles, ten more beers I'll take off the beers, so... Where's my husband? Pay the bill first - I won't - What's with you? My husband can't even drink, so how could he drink 1,700,000 won's worth? Now, the total is 2,900,000 won Think I don't know what you're doing? Now I can't be nice anymore Look here, your husband Let go! Let go! Six seconds Six - Honey - I'm going for five - Let's leave - Let go! Are you crazy? - Okay! - Pull yourself together! Dummy We have to go home Huh? You changed your hair It's pretty Maybe she wanted to abandon her baby here No way This is really bad We have to send the kids to school And I need to cook seaweed soup for Joon-su's birthday What should we do? Well, we can't just stay here Honey, should I go first? - This is really bad - Oh goodness See you again Taxi Taxi Hurry Where to? One sec Song-yee Song-yee! Song-yee Thank you Here Thank you Wait Can I have your signature? I knew when I first saw you I was even surer when you spiked that guy Mrs Jung Geum-soon It's an honor to meet you Thank you Wait I know you'll play again Thank you Bye Jung Geum-soon! Fighting! fighting! Hey, driver I told you to go slow, but you're not listening You should listen to elders - Why do you keep doing this? - Look ahead! Look ahead! Slowly Slowly It's too fast for a first time driver But it's fun I feel like I'm flying Turn the car around We'll be late for early mass I'm sorry, but I was in a hurry Could you give us a ride? Hop in Excuse me I'm sorry, but could you go faster? - I'm really late - Yeah? You bet wow~ Go! What's this? Oh no Wait Sit here Be a good girl Let's go! Honey, where the hell are you going? The noodles Let's go! Let's go! Clean up Get up! They're almost here! So what I mean is What a rude bastard But you didn't have to hit his head with the cane Honey, stop it Let's go Let's go Hurry and bathe We don't have time Honey, the cricket Goodness, they left the door open Oh my What's this? Oh my What a mess Oh my What a mess My goodness Oh my My dear Song-yee It's grandma Who did this to you? Come here What's this? What's this scar on your face? There's a scar on the baby's face - What scar? Let's see - What in the world's going on? Here I go! - What was that? - Start! How many seconds? How many seconds? What's he doing? What in the world's going on? What's going on, huh? Say something! Leave her alone What happened? Something happened? It's okay, tell me You see I went to get Joon-tae But Joon-tae Geum-soon Geum-soon Go! One! Two! three! Wow~ Go Geum-soon! Mom is the best! Mom is the best! Honey, Song-yee's here! - Do it right - Fire Extinguisher Mee-sook Inside, the crowd is wild with excitement As you can see, it's crazy Now let's talk to some of the fans How do you feel about Geum-soon's comeback? Regarding her comeback, our country... I'll tell you instead It was spring of last year At a tent bar, when she knocked out a bad guy with her spike, I knew right then She flew in mid-air, and slammed him in the jaw The roof ripped apart, and that guy flew back 10 meters and fell I have her signature as proof Right here Best wishes, Jung Geum-soon I suppose you looked in the classifieds under "housekeepers." Check. And you asked people in your building? Check. And you called the employment agencies? Again, check. I heard you the first time. Well... Who'd have thought it'd be so hard to get someone to clean your house? Well.. . over the years Daphne has managed to scour her way into our heart, so to speak. Just don't want to hire somebo who's in it for only the money . So you want to find someone who's in it for the joy of cleaning? Ah. May I? Oh, of course, Gil. Take a load off. Nice outfit, Roz. Somehow, you and a peasant blouse just go together. Thanks. Haven't worn it for years. But how long can something stay in the closet? Say, uh, Gil... uh, are you pleased with your housekeeper? Oh, you mean Chung? Oh, yes, he's marvelous. He's efficient, he's dependable, and he still hasn't figured out American money. Between you and me, I told him when they made Lincoln's picture bigger, it was worth more. (chuckles) Very funny. Do you suppose that your man Friday might be available on a Monday or Tuesday? You want to steal my Chung? No, no Not-Not steal him. Just borrow him for a day or two a week until I can restaff. A dangerous notion, Frasier. You know how employees gossip about their benefactors. Well, I have nothing to hide. Yes, but suppose while on your premises he lets something slip about me and Deb and our heart-shaped bed? I would refuse to believe him. Did I mention he's a drug mule ? Oh, he is not. You're just saying that 'cause you don't want to help me out. Such insight. It's a pity more people don't listen to your show. several other candidates to interview, but I'll be sure to let you know by the 12th. Of never! Honestly, I'm beginning to wonder if we'll ever find anyone that meets our standards. You're being too picky. It's just housekeeping, not rocket science. DAPHNE: I beg to differ. You don't even know half of what I used to do around here. Like dusting the plant leaves or rotating your underwear. Excuse me? Every month, I used to throw out your oldest pair and put in two new pairs. Did it ever occur to you that you never had to buy underwear in ten years? I thought I got hold of a good batch. FRASIER: Well, let's see. Who is our front-runner, thus far? (wearily): Oh, I don't know. I... . They're all the same to me Honestly, Dad, you know, I am starting to get the slightest bit chapped with your attitude. You haven't even graded any of the candidates. You've simply doodled a warplane dropping bombs on a soldier. (doorbell rings) That's not a soldier. Well, then why is he wearing a helmet? That's not a helmet. It's someone with a big head Yes? Hi, I'm Trish Haney. I'm here about the housekeeper job. I'm really sorry I'm late. I had you down for over an hour ago. I know. I got stuck in line waiting to buy tickets for the Sonics game this weekend. Really? Come on in. I should have guessed everyone and his brother would want to see Vince Carter play. Not everybody... or his brother. Wow, this is a beautiful place. Here's my resume. Ah, thank you. Won't you be seated? I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. This is my father, Martin Crane, and this is my sister-in-law, Daphne Crane. Now, I'll get right to the interview. First question: What is the best way to combat rings on a wooden table? Um... I've heard you can rub mayonnaise on it. The best way is to provide coasters. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. (laughs) Started me out with a trick question, right? So how do you think the Sonics will defend Carter? Um, you have to have someone body up on him and then double-team when he gets the ball. Thank you. DAPHNE : Trish... if the washing machine has a 25-minute cycle and the dryer has a 40-minute cycle what time does the second load have to go in the washer to be dry by 5:00? Uh, well, that's 65 minutes, so 3:55. You may want to take some time to think about these questions be... FRASIER: Daphne... she's right. Well done. Hey, I got a question. Can you clean a house? Yes. And if I do say so myself, I'm pretty good. Next question: Can you start Monday? (chuckles) You know, we're getting just a bit ahead of ourselves We still have several people to meet. Uh, thank you for coming by. Oh, sure. That was the interview, huh? Two questions? Well, it was really more of a pre-screening. We'll be sure to let you know. Okay, thanks. Just so you know I'll be out of town till the first. ... Fine. Then I'll be sure to call you the second I lose my mind. What? What was wrong with her? In the first place, she showed up late. If she doesn't take the interview seriously how can we expect her to take the job seriously? Ah, you just don't like her because she's not all stuffy She did seem a bit cheeky. Which you never were. Well, I'm afraid so far, our best candidate is the young man from Jeepers Sweepers. I will move out if you hire that prancing moron. All right, fine. Who would you hire? This-This-This Trish, I suppose? Well, I was right about Daphne. Doesn't that count for anything? You didn't even want to hire her. You thought she might steal. Did you really say that? Of course not! I don't remember. MARTIN: Well, whoever gets hired is someone I'm going to have to spend a lot of time with and I don't need a lot of quiz questions and score sheets to get a feel for someone's character Did I look like a thief? Was it my shifty eyes? Look, if you don't trust my judgment, Frasier, just have the guts to say so. No, all right. Fine. You can hire whoever you want to. You want this Trish? Fine, call her. Great. I'll call her right now and tell her she's hired. And I'll tell her where you keep your valuables. FRASIER: Oh! Would you give it a rest? Hey, Niles. Have a seat. Thank you. I'll have my usual. Oh, no, uh, bottled water, room temperature. Hey, slow down, little man. What are we celebrating? I can't drink anything that's too hot. I have a toothache. Oh. You been to the dentist? Yes, but he said the tooth is perfectly healthy. I still have this throbbing pain. Oh, it's probably just a sinus infection Have you had a cold lately? A couple of weeks ago, yes, but I'm-I'm over it. It's probably what it is. A sinus infection. It happens to me all the time. In all likelihood, I'm sure you're right. Thank you. Of course I'm right. What else could it be? Actually, a toothache can be referred pain from something else. Referred pain? That's right. For example, if I had a heart condition I might not have pain in my chest. I might have pain in my tooth, you see? Referred pain. So, while you're probably right about the sinus infection let's not discount the one-in-10,000 chance that it might be something more serious. Oh, now I get it. So the pain in my butt might actually be coming from across the table. Something like that, yes. Oh, look. I'm the winner of a fanny pack. Congratulations. Thank you. You have no idea what it is, do you? Uh, not really, no. Hey, look. It says here the odds of winning it are one in 10,000. Ooh... spooky. Same odds as that toothache being a heart attack. Maybe it's a sign. It's a good sign. By beating those odds once, it makes it that much more unlikely that something so improbable can happen to me again. WOMAN: Niles. Mmm. Hello, Daphne. Okay, that's weird. MARTIN: So, that's the grand tour. Hard to know where to start. I don't have much time before I have to go. What? You're leaving already? Yeah, um, I have this lunch thing. I hope you don't mind. Well, the problem is it's this friend that I've been putting off because I've been too busy but now I finally don't have any excuse. We're going to try that new rib place down in Belltown. Oh, I hear that's great. Yeah, I can bring you back a great big bag of them. But enough chit-chat. I've got dishes to do. (chuckling) Yeah... Oh, hold on. Can I offer a suggestion? You're the boss. What Daphne did was put a load of laundry in first and that way you can do two things at once. Okay. Although, I prefer to do laundry at the end of the day, and that way I can read when the clothes are in the dryer. I mean, it's about the only "me" time I have on this job. Hey, Dad. Ready for breakfast? Well, thanks for the invite, but I can't go. We didn't invite you. You called us and badgered us until we rearranged our schedule. Yeah, well, that was before Trish came. I really think I should hang around and show her the ropes. Maybe you should show her where the room freshener is. It smells like stale cigars in here. I had some of the guys in last night for poker. Oh, hey, Niles! Check this out. Got a great new card trick. Oh, goody. Yeah. It's called "The Amazing Niles" or "The Amazing..." whoever you're doing the trick with. Like if I was doing it with Daphne it'd be "The Amazing Daphne." If I was doing it with Frasier, it'd be... "The Amazing Frasier." Yeah, I get it, Dad. Yeah. That's just my patter. Okay... Okay, Amazing Niles, I want you to draw the ace of spades out of this deck. Uh, something tells me that it's going to be this one right here. Ooh! Ladies and gentlemen, he drew the ace of spades. Amazing, Amazing Niles. Isn't that a great trick? Hey, wait a minute. How come this deck only has aces of spades? What? No, this is the tri... Wait... wait a minute. Uh... This isn't the trick deck. Holy cow! Wh... You just drew the card I asked you for. What are the odds? I wonder if you could do it again. No. No, no, no, no. Only... only one performance a day. Is something wrong? What? No. Oh, you know, since we're not going to have breakfast maybe we should go. All right. That way we can pick up your car from the shop. What happened to your car? It got struck by lightning. Okay, washer's running as we speak. Anything else before I go? You going to lunch now? It's only 10:00. Already? I guess the dishes will have to wait. I've got a couple of errands to run and then I have a hair appointment. Trish, I'm a little surprised that you're taking off like this. I'm a little surprised, too. I thought my first day would be more like orientation, you know? Show me around, explain my duties and then I start work the next day. Why would you think that? Well, it's been that way every other place that I've worked, and I've had alot of jobs. Well, listen, Trish, I kind of went out on a limb for you and I'll never hear the end of it from my son if you let me down. Don't worry. You are not going to regret hiring me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be like the White Tornado Remember those commercials? White Tornado? That'll be me. Ten o'clock. So you're not coming back after lunch? Oh, trust me. You don't want me cleaning this place drunk. (laughs) Oh, and that reminds me. I don't work Mondays. Gosh, you know, I better get going. If I'm late to this lunch, how's that going to look? What about the laundry? 10:00 tomorrow, along with those ribs. Well, I hear the washer going. I assume that means our new employee is hard at it. Oh, yeah. She's like the White Tornado Dad, you know your basketball references go right over my head. You know... she's certainly got her work cut out for her cleaning up this mess you and your buddies made last night. Well, you don't have to worry about it. She's all about the work. Listen, Dad, I think I owe you an apology. For what? Well, for thinking I was a better judge of people than you are. Just want you to know that I do trust your judgment. Maybe I don't say that often enough. Anyway, I hope you can forgive me. There's nothing to forgive, son. Thanks, Dad. I'll see you later. Not now, boy. We've got an apartment to clean. Hi, Niles. How's it going? I'm as good as dead. I've been doing research into my family health history. My great-uncle Timothy keeled over from a heart attack at my age. Bottled water. Please. Are you talking about that tooth again? It's still throbbing, thank you. Which means my heart is probably on its last legs. Come on, Niles, you said it was a one-in-a-million chance. One in 10,000, and I've been beating those odds all week. I don't believe in omens, but these are getting harder and harder to ignore. So are you. I flipped a coin 17 times last night, and every time it came up tails. I only stopped because I was getting a blister. Thank you. How does Daphne put up with all this? I haven't told her about it, 'cause unlike you, she'd worry about me. Get your heart checked and stop obsessing about it. I'm going to. In all probability, there's a there's a perfectly reasonable ex... (gasps) What? I won another fanny pack. No, I'm not mad at you, Trish. I'm just a little disappointed Well, yesterday it was your neighbor's funeral and today you got the flu. No, I kind of believe you, but... You know, this apartment doesn't clean itself, so... Huh? Okay. Tomorrow. 9:00 sharp. 10:00? Okay. Well, I'll see you when you get here. Okay, bye. (doorknob rattling) Oh, for God... sakes... Hey! Careful, mister! You're going to get water all over a clean floor You know, maybe you can have Trish wax this floor tomorrow, huh? She already did, and it took her two hours! And it just took you two seconds to mess it up and start complaining. Well, I'm not complaining, Dad but look at the streaks here. It's like she never waxed a floor before. All you do is nag, nag, nag. Meanwhile, she tried a new fabric softener on your sweater and you didn't even notice. Well, my sweaters are supposed to be dry cleaned. Oh. Oh, and remind me to say something to her about flipping my mattress. What the hell are you trying to do, kill her? ! Easy, easy, Dad. There's no reason to get all riled up. My God, you're actually perspiring. Well, I just think some people around here don't realize how hard she works. -- Well, I'll say this much the place does smell lemony fresh. Shows what you know. It's country breeze. Daphne, I... have to go out for a while. All right. No place out of the ordinary-- just... out. Okay. See you later. I can't believe this is happening. After all those misspent years of frustration and yearning I finally find the fulfillment of my dreams... only to have it snatched away. Look at her. She's so beautiful, so perfect She deserves nothing but happiness. I hope when I'm gone she's able to make a life with someone else. After a suitable period of mourning, of course. Niles? Yes, my love? When are you going to change the paper in the bottom of the birdcage, hmm? I've asked you three times already. Soon as I get back. Maybe when I'm gone Her Majesty can muck out her own birdcage. Hey, Fras, sorry to bother you. Uh, Trish was wondering where you keep the silver polish. Right. I told her about that tarnish on your shrimp fork. She suggested a place you could keep it where the air won't get to it. Really? Perhaps she and I should have a discussion about that. What are you doing here? Well, my lunch canceled. I thought I might drop by, see if you'd like to join me for a bite. Oh, sure. Love to. Let me get my coat. Right. I'll just tell Trish we're leaving. Where is she? Oh, uh, she's in the powder room. Let's go Actually, I-I'd rather wait, Dad. You see, I wanted to discuss a new vacuuming pattern with her. Uh, well... actually, Fras, this might not be a good time. Uh, that shrimp fork thing really set her off. She kind of went to pieces and locked herself in there. She did? I had no idea she was so fragile. . Well, she'll get over it She just, uh, needs to be alone for a while. Uh... She'll be fine. Uh, bye, Trish. No, no, Dad, you know what? If I've hurt her feelings then it is incumbent upon me to apologize. Well... Trish, it's Dr. Crane. Could you come out here, please? I'd like to have a word with you. The old silent treatment. Well, two can play that game. Let's go. No, no, Dad. Why don't you talk to her? Oh, I don't think so. Please, Dad, she likes you. Please. Uh, Trish? Hi. It's Marty. Uh, listen, I know you're upset but I'd like to talk to you. Yeah, um... would you unlock the door? That a girl. All right, you just take all the time you need. Okay, well, she accepted your apology but she just wants to be alone for a little while so, uh, let's go. Dad, I really should apologize to her in person. Well, uh, I don't think this is the time. Why not? Well, you have been pretty critical. Well, you know, I also think that she's made some real improvements around here. Tell her that. (sighs) She wants an example. How should I know? Make something up. Oh, no wonder she's mad, you ungrateful son of a bitch! MARTIN: All right. See you later. Well, now I think you've made things worse It wouldn't surprise me if she didn't come in tomorrow You didn't tell me you had a sister. Dad! All right, what the hell is going on? No idea. I just came by for my paycheck. MARTIN: Well, uh.. I got some bad news about that, Trish. I'm sorry, but we're going to have to let you go. Oh. Okay. But you still owe me for the days I was supposed to be here last week. Sure, sure, and there'll be a check in the mail sometime after the first.. asteroid hits Earth. Okay, lay it on me I'm-I'm prepared for the worst. Is it my heart? I'm afraid so. Aha! What? There is an anomaly in your EKG. I'm going to have to check you into the hospital. Oh. Uh, well, hm. Uh, I guess I can clear my schedule. Uh, how's, uh, how's tomorrow afternoon? No, no, no. Niles? Hm? You need to go right now. ♪♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-calling ♪ ♪ ♪♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪♪ ♪♪ Mercy ♪♪ ♪♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪♪ ♪♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪♪ (laughs) ♪♪ But I don'''t know what to do ♪♪ ♪♪ With those tossed salad s and scrambled eggs ♪♪ ♪♪ They'''re calling again . ♪♪ Good night! I deliver perfection... and don't brag about it! : D Aut Caesar aut nullus. Emperor of the World... Charlie Chaplin was a divinity. He owned the world. We was the first universal artist that I can think of. Chaplin was possibly the most popular person, entertainer, however you want to say it, on the planet. The thing about Chaplin that made me lean towards him was the ambience he gave, the sort of free-floating feeling of someone who can circumvent nature. My reaction to "The Great Dictator" is so hard to talk about because I laughed so hard and was so deeply moved. Here was this huge artist standing up against this gargantuan monster. It was a championship match for the ages. To me it was one of the finest films I had ever seen. When you are faced by the totalitarian regimes and the madness they inflicted on the world, courage isn't enough. You've got to laugh in their face. Throw back your head and say, "You don't count." "I discount you this way. I give you the laugh of all time, the great laugh of acceptance, which melts you down." A remarkable new discovery in the Chaplin villa at Vevey, Switzerland. In the film vault are the famous comedies, The Gold Rush, City Lights, which are known to the entire world. What was not known lay in the cellar for decades: Two suitcases belonging to Sydney Chaplin, Charlie's brother, full of curious little boxes, which turned out to contain amateur film. Chaplin shot his film in black and white but this footage takes us behind the scenes in colour. It adds a dimension to an extraordinary story: The confrontation between Adolf Hitler and Charlie Chaplin through the making of a controversial film released in 1940, called "The Great Dictator". Chaplin, the little tramp, and Hitler, leader of Germany, had more in common than a moustache. They were born in the same week of the same month of the same year. Before Chaplin became famous as The Tramp, Hitler was a tramp. Both were outsiders who left their homeland to conquer the world. They became the best loved and most hated men of their time. In every country Chaplin was the symbol for laughter, Hitler, the symbol for destruction. His war cost 55 million lives. But in the 1930s he seemed unstoppable. World leaders sought to appease him. Most of Hollywood chose to ignore him. But one voice would speak to millions. One man would dare challenge the world's most dangerous leader. Charlie Chaplin. The climax of "The Great Dictator". The Jewish barber, mistaken for the dictator, is called upon to speak. Present arms! Your Excellency. The world awaits your word. Chaplin had never spoken on the screen until he made this film. He felt if he could talk from the heart he might even be able to shorten the war. What would bring Chaplin and Hitler into such a unique confrontation? Chaplin was born in 1889 in the South London slums he would recreate so often in his films. His father was a music hall singer, as was his mother. Because of her mental trouble, Charlie and his brother were sent to the workhouse. Working people were terrified of this fate, which Chaplin conveyed in "The Kid", when the law takes the child to the workhouse. Chaplin escaped into theatre, became a music hall comedian and sailed on his first tour to America in 1910. Hitler was lower middle class, from the border of Austria and Germany. He hated school and learned little but was always a ringleader. His father was a brutal man, a customs officer who had married one of his servants. Hitler's mother was probably the only woman Hitler ever loved. She protected him from his father. As soon as he could he went to Vienna, where he hoped to become an artist. The young Hitler refused to do any work other than drawing, but was considered no better than competent. His failure in the exam for the Vienna Academy devastated him. How different history might have been had Hitler been accepted. He lost his self-respect and sank lower and lower into the slums of old Vienna. He became a tramp, sleeping rough. This Vienna men's home probably saved his life. It was supported partly by Jewish charities. But from such men as Guido von List Hitler soaked in hatred of the Jews. List preached the superiority of the Aryan. His symbol would become Hitler's. Munich, 1st August 1914. A cheering crowd celebrates the outbreak of war. The scene is recorded by a photographer and among the crowd is the 25-year-old Adolf Hitler. It is not often one sees the birth of a legend. This crowd takes no notice of the tramp on his first appearance in public in 1914. A year later he would be mobbed wherever he went. Two years later he would be the most famous man in the world. February 1916. Chaplin signs with the Mutual Film Corporation for the highest salary of any performer in history. Standing behind, Sydney Chaplin. Hitler was earning nine marks a week at the front. But he loved the war, it gave him a sense of purpose. And he was still an artist. He designed this facade for a soldiers' cinema. Hitler had avoided the Austrian army because of his passion for Germany. His supreme commander, the Kaiser, is jealous of Chaplin's popularity in this wartime cartoon. Charlie captured the Kaiser at the end of "Shoulder Arms". Chaplin films did more than any others to raise morale. 20 years later Chaplin would restage World War One for "The Great Dictator", picking up where "Shoulder Arms" left off, wearing German uniform. Big Bertha, able to fire 100 miles, made its appearance on the Western Front, striking terror into the enemy. 75 miles away was her target: The cathedral of Notre-Dame. Stand clear! Ready! Fire! He was the little guy who... They loaded it up then he had to pull this string that fired it. He had such a funny way of doing it that I screamed with laughter. It ruined the take. He was delighted. I thought he'd be furious. "That cost me a fortune!" He loved it. He became a worldwide figure during the First World War. While the German submarines were sinking convoys of ships, somehow his films were circulating around the world. It's as if there were special convoys just to take Chaplin films to Europe. Before stupendous crowds all over the United States, Chaplin took part in Liberty Bond rallies. Many criticised him for not joining up but these rallies brought in huge sums for the war effort. He appeared with Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks, with whom he'd form United Artists. Here, with D.W. Griffith, they announce their independence. This gave Chaplin complete artistic freedom. By now the war was over. A gas attack at the end of 1918 had put Hitler into hospital. While convalescing he had heard of the defeat of the German army. He felt utterly betrayed. He had no job to go to. So, like so many, he stayed in the army. The revolutions of 1919 and 1920 propelled Hitler into the Nazi party. 1921. Chaplin returns to London for the first time. The city he knew as a poverty-stricken youth gave him a phenomenal welcome. But for Hitler conditions were appalling. An economic collapse, when a loaf of bread cost a billion marks, created ideal conditions for extremists. Hitler joined his old commander, General Ludendorff, in an attempt to seize power: The Munich putsch of 1923. It landed him in gaol where he put his political ideas into a book. Among the men who inspired him was the Italian fascist dictator, Benito Mussolini. Fascism in the twenties was regarded with admiration. Mussolini seemed to be cleaning up the marshes, suppressing the Mafia, getting the trains to run on time... Mussolini particularly impressed businessmen. The Wall Street crash of 1929 undermined the world's markets. Without it, Hitler could never have reached power. It brought chaos to Germany and convinced many that democracy did not work. Germany was falling into anarchy. Political street fights happened daily. The Communists fought the Nazis, everyone fought the police. People looked for a strong leader. Hitler knew the value of film but audiences did not respond to him as a silent actor. Germany will remain free, like its people and fatherland. I remember seeing a silent newsreel of Hitler, and thinking suddenly, "This man looks absolutely ridiculous and just like Chaplin would look if he were playing such a part." Hitler's fortunes were transformed by sound, launched in America two years earlier by a film made, ironically, by Jews about Jews. Sound increased his audiences and made them take him seriously. I do not think that our opponents who were laughing then are still laughing today. He clearly gained power as an orator. That happened bit by bit and his enthusiasm grew. He perfected his talent and he even took acting lessons to intensify his impact. Chaplin depended even more on gesture. He kept making silent pictures until he made "The Great Dictator", when he played Adenoid Hynkel. Soldiers for Hynkel! He was a marvellous imitator. He could do almost any language just by the sound of it. They had a newsreel theatre on Hollywood Boulevard, only newsreels, which my father adored. Instead of seeing some movie that was lousy, we'd go and see an hour and a half of newsreels. You'd see most of this. Chaplin considered Hitler one of the greatest actors he'd ever seen. If we ourselves raise the German people by means of our work, our endeavour, our determination, our defiance and our persistence, then we will be raised like our forefathers, who were not given a gift of Germany. They had to create it for themselves. A reference to the Jewish people. Chaplin also played a Jewish barber, whose girlfriend in the film, and real-life wife, was the half-Jewish Paulette Goddard. How did you do it? The Nazis were convinced Chaplin was a Jew. Chaplin never denied it. No. I thought Chaplin was Jewish. First of all, the way I was brought up, everybody funny was Jewish. On his visit to Berlin in 1931, he was met by rapturous crowds. The Nazis hated a man they thought was a Jew getting such a welcome. We knew that he was a Jew, and of course that was not what we wanted. We knew that he would not love us and indeed he did not. We also knew he was influential. The Nazis would later use these newsreels in their most notorious propaganda film. The Jew Chaplin was enthusiastically welcomed on his first visit to Berlin. One part of the German people unsuspectingly applauded the foreign Jews who had come to Germany, the deadly foes of their race. The Nazis brought out a book called The Jews Are Looking at You, in which Chaplin was described as "a disgusting Jewish acrobat". A friend of Chaplin came across a copy in Berlin. And I thought he ought to have a look at this and I sent him a copy. Now in all the years, Charlie often sent me Christmas cards, telegrams, telephone calls, but he only sent me one letter. And it was a short letter thanking me for that book, and I always think that it may well have contributed to his resolve to make "The Great Dictator". Mussolini also disapproved of Chaplin and would ban his films. Chaplin visited Venice, expecting to meet the dictator. The meeting never happened. But he would be brilliantly parodied in "The Great Dictator". He's coming. Quick, give me a flower. At all times be above him, before him. Entering or leaving you must be first. Hello, Hynky! One of the great moments in "The Great Dictator" is the casting of Jack Oakie as Mussolini. I thought the public enthusiastic. Sure. They like to see new faces. Oakie comes out on the balcony, struts and sticks out his chin. And, by God, there's Mussolini! So it was a masterful job of casting on the part of Chaplin. You cannot treat Bacteria this way. I'll take the Bacterian people and tear them apart, like this! Look what he's doing! It's an insult to my people! He's-a tearing spaghetti! He sign-a the treaty or we have a war! Before satirising the dictators, Chaplin turned his attention to America's problems in the 1930s: Strikes, lockouts, unemployment. The Ford factories brought out troops to deal with strikers. Henry Ford supported Hitler and was both anti-Semitic and anti-union. When Chaplin made his first overtly political film, the Big Boss bore a strong resemblance to Henry Ford. Quit stalling! Get back to work! Go on! Henry Ford had invented the assembly line, the trigger for Chaplin's satire. Attention, foreman! Bench five. Check nut tightening. Nut coming loose on bench five. "Modern Times" was one of the greatest movies I'd seen. As a matter of fact, maybe I still think that. The whole idea of attacking capitalism, not only from an economic and social, but from a human point of view. What he was talking about was becoming part of the machinery, because we're so dependent on it. In the movie a red flag falls off a lorry and the parade comes in behind him and the cops beat the hell out of him. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant ideas! And, God, the execution! There was a revolutionary feeling growing in America. People who'd been respectably middle class were actually breaking into bakeries and stealing bread. It was extreme. Industrial relations were also violent. While, in Germany, life was being transformed. Once Hitler had come to power, people accepted the supremacy of the state over the individual. Women had a secondary role, while men were trained for war. Hitler tackled unemployment with huge construction projects, like these pioneer motorways. There was an admiration for Hitler because we hadn't seen his evil things yet. They hadn't begun to manifest. We saw that he helped cure their inflation and put people to work. He had the men marching round with shovels over their shoulders instead of rifles. I don't think that anyone really wanted a dictator in our country but when we looked at Hitler we thought, "Maybe something like this could get us out of our depression." These Nuremberg rallies, Hitler said, were for peace and freedom. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Never seen anything as wonderful. And I screamed with the best of them. "Heil!" Or whatever. And I, you know... I don't feel guilty about that. How can I? I was eleven. What I found extraordinary was the theatre. In the mid-thirties, political leaders all over the world expressed their admiration for the achievements of Adolf Hitler. The anti-Jewish boycott would become a feature of Chaplin's film. The barber has lost his memory and knows nothing of the dictator. The word "Jew" was hardly ever mentioned in American films. Leave that alone. - Don't be silly. - I'm not silly! I appreciate that. When you talk to me, "Hail Hynkel"! Who are you? I'll show you who I am! The emigration began. Many Jews set out for the land of opportunity. Our unemployment was transferred here from foreign lands. If we'd refused admission to the 16,500,000 in our midst, there would be no serious unemployment problem to harass us. The German-American Bund held mass rallies before audiences of 20,000. They followed the Nazi party line. Anti-Semitism was so rife there was a chance of fascism succeeding in the United States. Over 100 organisations put out anti-Semitic literature like this. No wonder the subject became hard to discuss. I know among other Jews, some of them thought that it was making waves. Shouldn't talk about those things! Because there was certainly a feeling among what you might call the Jewish establishment that such things you didn't mention. They'd just bring trouble. There were congressional investigations into the Jewish influence on motion pictures. It's incredible what went on in this country! The producers, if you check the films that were made until late in the 30s, they were very worried of rocking the boat because they were still making money in Germany, they were making money in Italy, and the bottom line was profit and really not principle. Hitler in particular saw every American film he could. He was a film enthusiast. That was the best thing and his favourite pastime. The Bengal Lancers he very much liked, and of course films with Greta Garbo. He'd have liked to have received her in Berlin. Propaganda minister Goebbels would have preferred German films for the German public, but they loved American films as much as Hitler. Goebbels ensured a supply. Hitler would see The Hound of the Baskervilles and even record his opinion. The ones he disliked were often banned. Louis B. Meyer of MGM would actually run those films with the Nazi German consul, and was willing to take out things that the Nazi objected to. The problem with Hollywood, which I've often said to my friends, is that it's a company of cowards. They won't stand up for anything. They pretend to stand up but when the money is down they fade out. Walter Wanger made "Blockade", which was self-evidently about the Spanish Civil War, but never mentioned Spain or Franco or the Civil War because it was felt that this would complicate acceptability in many countries. Henry Fonda played the lead in "Blockade". I remember the last sentence of the picture. He turned directly to camera and, looking out at us with those great Fonda eyes, he said, "Where is the conscience of the world?" The Anschluss. Germany unites with Austria, 1938. Hitler last saw Vienna as a poverty-stricken youth. As Leader and Chancellor of Germany, I welcome my homeland into the German Reich. It was three days after the Anschluss and I was walking in the street with my best friend and came upon this group, a number of middle-aged ladies and gentlemen, all obviously upper-class citizens. They were on their knees cleaning the pavement with toothbrushes. They were lots of Viennese in this group, laughing and taunting them. It was something that could have been out of "The Great Dictator" because one almost laughed it was so terrible. Against a background of aggression and appeasement, Chaplin announced his film in October 1938. The British, anxious not to upset Hitler, said they would ban it. To general astonishment, Chaplin went ahead. Every one of my friends, many of whom were Jewish, like myself, felt that a David had arisen, a comic David, to fight Goliath. And we could only be happy. Kristallnacht, November 9th 1938. The Nazis unleashed a wave of violence against the Jews. If the Jewish people who are working in financial affairs in Europe and elsewhere should manage to throw the nations into another world war then the result will not be the Bolshevising of the world or a Jewish victory, but the annihilation of the Jewish race in Europe. There was a big movement afoot among Jewish producers in Hollywood to discourage Chaplin's film. They went to him and said, "Charlie, you're going to make it terrible for our people over there." "It's going to make Hitler furious." And Charlie would say, "I don't care if he's furious. He can't be any worse than he is." He even felt there would be trouble getting a release. They were saying, "This is a disaster, Charlie, not just for the Jews but for American foreign policy." Charlie was beginning to get a little scared. Roosevelt got word of this and he sent Harry Hopkins out to talk to Charlie. Hopkins said, "Look, Charlie, the President is all for this." And, "You don't have to worry about their boycotting the release." "He'll see that it's released." "He feels this is very important and you must go ahead and not listen to any of these people trying to discourage you." In April 1939 Hitler celebrated his 50th birthday with one of the largest military parades in history. For the first time since 1919, tanks rolled through Berlin. Chaplin celebrated his birthday by working on his script. He said he wanted a Berlin premiere for the Führer's benefit. Chaplin saw the Russians as the only hope to defeat Nazism. But, to his horror, in August the unthinkable happened: The Nazis signed a pact with the Soviets. I believe the great phrase was: "Russia won't pull England's and France's coals out of the fire." That was the rationalisation for the pact. So the particular atmosphere I ran into was of tragedy or calamity. The end of the world. The victory parade in Warsaw. Germany and Russia have carved up Poland. England and France have declared war on Hitler. As Chaplin began work, his brother Sydney filmed him. Sound equipment was installed and a ghetto set built at his Hollywood studio. The finance came not from the other Hollywood studios but entirely from Chaplin himself. Filming in the ghetto began on September 9th 1939, six days after the outbreak of war, in conditions of strict secrecy. Unknown to Chaplin, events for Jews were worse than even he portrayed them. Nonetheless he took great risks with his film. A very daring thing to have done. To satirise the Jews and Hitler and Mussolini, and make a sad comedy, it's almost tragic. You're laughing at something you don't want to laugh at. First you'll finish this. Here. Go on, paint that! Even though it was a comedy, Chaplin forced his audience to face Nazi brutality. Chaplin was proud of the equipment he was using for the first time. He called Lewis Milestone and said, "You've got to come down here." "There's something I have to show you, something important." So Milestone came. My father said, "Look at this!" Milestone saw. He had a crane, lifted the camera, moved it over... He said, "What do you think?" Milestone said, "They've been doing that for years!" In his own studio, Chaplin was also a dictator, but usually a benevolent one. He always could divorce the "Little Man", as he called himself, from his everyday living, because he was so entirely different in person than anything that he did on screen. But with "The Great Dictator" he became more and more important to himself. I used to laugh so because the moment he put on uniform, he'd smooth down his flat tummy and preen a bit, always looking in the mirror just to see that everything was just so, which was... He was not a vain man but he certainly was during the making. His Excellency is about to descend the stairs. Your Excellency. Are you hurt? That was what was so interesting. Everybody that was in the film in a uniform, that was important, with Charlie, they lived their parts. They thought it was simply wonderful. To take Osterlich! I can't believe it. You can't believe it! You let him steal a march on us. If he didn't like something, he'd do it again and again. Then come back a week later and do it again. It was his money! And he was a perfectionist. Very few people get to do that. He felt very pompous, very grand. And the whole time he was doing it he was just a different person. I'm surrounded by incompetent, stupid, sterile stenographers. - I'll get you a pen. - Don't bother. I won't send it. Get out, get out! Neither Chaplin's imagination nor the resources of Hollywood could duplicate Speer's grandiose design for the Reichchancellery. But in photos of Hitler's study Chaplin noticed something which he seized upon. Others claimed it was their idea but its origins can be found in a 1928 home movie. Chaplin was fooling for visitors, as he often did, when he came up with this idea involving the globe and a German helmet. It summed up perfectly the Führer's godlike ambition. But, said Picturegoer, "by the time Chaplin finishes his film, we may all have forgotten who Hitler was." It's the storm troopers! - Get on the roof. - No. - They'll kill you! - I'll fight. Don't be a fool, you'll be murdered. Get on the roof. Come on, come on! Bravely, Chaplin turns his camera away from the obvious and shows us this symbolic shot. Smash in the door! Come on! Where are the bombs? Let her go! There goes the barbershop. Never mind. We can start again. We can go to Osterlich. That's still free. Main filming just finished when Hitler launched his Blitzkrieg. France fell in a month, Denmark in hours. Chaplin was so appalled he considered withholding the film. This shows Hitler the moment he heard of the fall of France. Chaplin said, "He is a horrible menace to civilisation, rather than someone to laugh at." I felt that this was a terrible thing, to make a comic film about him. There are two things which are very dangerous: To associate humour with people like that, and to diminish them. Comedy is the greatest way to attack anything like a totalitarian regime. They can't stand it. And that gives the people a chance to laugh, too. You can't go on being grim forever. Some people survived Buchenwald because of their sense of humour. Courage doesn't do it. Laughs do. This was to have been in Chaplin's original ending, which he'd begun work on months before: Soldiers discarding their weapons and uniting in a folk dance. The sequence involved hundreds of actors and technicians. Here Chaplin tries out the opening: His own arrival. He rehearses obsessively the same gesture over and over, trying to perfect it, while all the time the camera turns. He repeats it with stand-ins so he can observe it from the camera. But he knows it's not working. He vents his frustration on an assistant director but he knows something more fundamental is wrong. In this form he would abandon the sequence. He realised his ending would have to focus more on his own speech, which he would deliver not as the dictator, not as the barber, but as himself, Charlie Chaplin. Hitler's attack on France gave him the impetus to rewrite the speech, which would be a plea for peace, a plea for sanity. He was 458 days into the picture before he was ready to shoot it. At dawn on the day Chaplin was delivering his plea for freedom, Hitler swept into Paris to view his conquest. A carpet of flowers greeted the Führer in Berlin. He was at his zenith, having achieved his victories with incredible speed. Said Chaplin's son: "If only Charlie could move as fast as Adolf Hitler!" But Chaplin was still not happy, and was re-shooting yet again. The ghetto set had been torn down so he rebuilt it. He spent months re-shooting, re-editing and re-recording before, finally, after 559 days of work, the report sheet showed no rushes, no shooting, no recording... He was ready to show his picture to the world. The film opened in two Broadway theatres simultaneously, attended by a crowd so full of celebrities it was commemorated in a special cartoon. He was going to show up. Lots of publicity. And the crowds were tremendous. It received an absolute ovation. People stood, cheered... called for Chaplin. Here this man had come out against Hitler. It was as if the greatest angel in the calendar of saints and angels had suddenly taken a stand. It was such a brilliant tour de force that I think it blinded people as to what it was saying or not saying. When you think of a movie that begins with Big Bertha defecating and ending up with that speech to camera, and the first time he'd spoken... When you think of the span emotionally that movie covers... It's a miracle. You must speak. I can't. You must. It's our only hope. That ending doesn't come as an abrupt thing. He builds it so carefully, prepares you so carefully, for your own feelings to be involved on another level. I'm not saying laughter isn't a feeling, it's tremendous. But to get rid of the laughter feeling and slowly let this other emotion well up. I'm sorry but I don't want to be an emperor. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone: Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness, not misery. We don't want to hate one another. In this world, the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. I wept at the ending. It was something to me that had to be said. If it was inartistic, it was inartistic. I don't care. Nothing has to be perfect. It seemed mawkish, maudlin, at the time. But in the context of the nuclear age I think it has great resonance, great power. The way of life can be free and beautiful but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into bloodshed. We have developed speed but have shut ourselves in. Machinery has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. At the end of this speech, he dares to remind you that you don't have to go on killing, you don't have to be a totalitarian. You can make do with the worst people in the world. Somehow you must. And that's what he did. And a lot of people with violence in their soul resented the fact that someone wanted peace. Chaplin said he wouldn't have made the film had he known the full horror of Hitler's crimes. Millions were grateful that he did. Chaplin brings us to tears because he reminds us of the potential of mankind. Lighting a lantern and keeping it aside while mankind goes on destroying itself, and being there when the war is over to relight the lantern and to give us hopes for tomorrow. During the Blitz on London, the film opened to an ecstatic reaction. "The best propaganda film since the start of the war", said one. "The best heartener we could have." The film was to go on to become Chaplin's biggest moneymaker. Yet it was banned across Europe, in parts of South America, and even Ireland. But did Hitler see it? At the end of the war I was in Berlin. I was in charge of gathering photographic evidence for the war-crime trial being prepared in Nuremberg. But in the course of it I looked up the file of the films Hitler had ordered to run. And this is the truth. True. He ordered "The Great Dictator", and then he ordered it a day or so after again. It was obvious to me that Hitler had it shown to him, and would have laughed at it. You know, Hitler wasn't dull. I can imagine Hitler laughing heartily at the scene where he and Mussolini are sitting at the barber's and their seats go up in the air. Hitler wasn't a killjoy and, within the inner circle, he could definitely laugh at jokes like these. The German public did not see the film but the German army did. Once. In occupied Belgrade, a 17-year-old working in film dispatch, Nikola Radosevic, discovered a print. We had planned a cultural sabotage. I belonged to the Blue Ribbon, but we never used any weapons against German soldiers. No, we only used fun. We wanted Hitler to hear what Chaplin thought of him. Nikola substituted the Chaplin film for a German feature. At the start of the show, people didn't immediately realise what was going on. But after 40 minutes an SS man pulled out his gun and opened fire at the screen. All the others rushed out of the hall. They didn't want to stay any longer because something was happening against Hitler. 1945. The last shots of Hitler before his suicide. Hitler's world lay in ruins. When the Reichchancellery was captured by the Russians, they found nothing but rubble. But one object remained intact. With "The Great Dictator", Chaplin had strengthened millions through the power of laughter at a time when madness and darkness covered the world. Despite his plea for sanity, the political climate of the McCarthy era forced him into exile. In 1952 he was locked out of the United States. But one country would welcome him back. Now the train draws into Waterloo, not far from Chaplin's birthplace. What a reception from the thousands who have gathered to welcome him! Charlie was worried in case our affection for him had dimmed. London has shown him that he need not have worried. We can never forget the laughter he brought. Throughout the world he is loved. Chaplin was not born great. Yet in a lifetime of laughter and tears he has achieved an everlasting greatness. Subtitles by Howard Bonsor Subtitling by TVS - TITRA FILM [Mechanical Voice] ¶ What's up ¶ ¶¶[Rap, Foreign Language] ¶¶[Continues] [Chattering] - [Speaking Foreign Language] - I come to sit in. You gonna help me with my losing streak? - It's not possible, Bob. - Maybe not, but you could give me the illusion. The illusion. I've got plenty of that. So how much does illusion cost? - The usual. - Got a prime here, Said. Should I stick with it? - What's a prime? - Special number. Divisible by itself and one. - You're a mathematician, Bob? - Yeah. Chaos theory. - How much? I don't know. - Two hundred? - Want to gamble? - You'd only lose. [Footsteps] - You spying' on me, kid? - No. - I work here. - Since when? - Since last week. - You're too young to work here. - That's not what Remi says. - Oh, I'm sure it's not. Besides, you're too old to do that. You're right. We're both lost souls. - What age are you, kid? - Seventeen. Seventeen? Well, what do you know? A prime. What's a prime? Special number, divisible by one and itself. Strange thing about primes is, the further you get from ze-- - Hey, kid. Hey. Hey. - Hmm? Will you shut that door for me, please? - Lesson over? - For now. - [Chattering] - ¶¶[North African] [Speaking Foreign Language] [Speaking French] [Speaking Arabic And French] He said he's taking you with him. If he lets you book him... they'll deport him to Algeria. [Shouting, French And Arabic] And he'd last two days. He might as well die here as there. He's gonna count to three. If they don't drop those guns... - he's gonna blow your head off. - [Shouts In Arabic] He said, "One. Two. Three.!" - [Crowd Screams] - [Groaning] You know, I swore I'd never share a needle. [Groans, Sniffs] - Why'd you do it? - I thought you'd put a word in for him. - Keep him in France. What would he get? - Possession with intent. - Five years. - And for murdering a police officer? - Throw away the key. - There you go. That's why. - You didn't do it for me, then, huh? - You? Fuck you. You're my worst nightmare. My bad angel. How many times have you booked me? I forget. But once more and they throw away your key. - Don't let it happen. - Thanks for the lesson, schoolteacher. I'm clean. You try a new scam, Bob, it won't be me. The whole system will flatten you. I've retired. I'm a junkie gambler now. A big loser. That's all. - Name the best thief that ever lived. - Bob? [Chuckles] No. Pablo Picasso. The cat stole from everybody: Rubens, Delacroix, Cézanne, Van Gogh, Matisse. - Never got caught. I met him once. - I'm impressed. A bullfight. I bet on the bull, he bet on the matador. The matador got 26 stitches. I got a painting. - Still have it. - Then you're flush! No, no, no. I'm broke. That never sells. "Portrait of Jacqueline." Looked like her. [Policeman] Just in from Moscow, huh? [Bob] Why don't you arrest her now? Get it over with. - Get what over with? - The whole dreary cycle. She'll work the streets. For her troubles, she'll end up in the river with a needle in her arm. - Go on, be a good cop. - All I see is a girl on a motorbike. Frisk them. You'll find a passport. - There's a thing called the law. I don't see it being broken. - Use your imagination. You're looking for a replacement for Lydia? - Stick to your cards, Bob. - Who's Lydia? Lydia's in the hospital. She's been there quite a while. - I said, stick to your game, okay? - Yes, my game. Problem with my game is luck can fall both ways. Whereas, with your game, luck doesn't enter into it. What's his game, Monsieur Bob? It's as old as mine, but he plays with girls from the sticks... and the odds are all his his favor. - I haven't had a hand like that since... - What? Since when? - [Grunts] - You fucking loser. [Speaking French] [Door Slams] - Bosnia. - I don't need a guardian. - No? - Maybe you do. So, is that just bad makeup? Oh, you got a thing about eyes. Only when they're lucky. So you protect the honor of widows and orphans, huh? Oh, you're not backward for your age. Night school. He wasn't my pimp. Oh, no? So what was he doing with your passport? [Chuckles] ¶¶[Rap In Foreign Language] - Okay. Five hundred on the corner pocket. - Sure, Bob. - Why do you call me Bob? - Because you try to imitate him. - Imitate that. - Yvonne, turn that shit off and give us some french fries. Paulo, Raoul. Anne. - You want to shoot some pool? - Not now. She looks hungry. Oh, let me show her to a table. - Smoking or not? - Smoking. Your dinner date is old enough to be your father. - You should try someone younger. - I just left someone younger. - Oh, why? - He didn't live up to my ideal of manhood. - But you haven't met me. Do you always sleep alone? - Nearly always. When she's not hanging out at 5:00 in the morning eating french fries. - With mayonnaise. - Are you from Bosnia? - So that's what it's called now. - What brought you here? Mayonnaise. - 10:00. We're supposed to be at the bodega. - Yeah. - See you again. - Why not? Don't go giving that to strange men. You arranged that fight so you could pick his pocket? You're a clever guy. [Chuckles] I'm a knight in shining armor. - Yvonne, the bill. - 38 francs. - What are we doing? - We? It's late. - Bedtime. - Your place? - Have you any dough on you? - Loads. Thirty francs. Thirty francs? Here, kid. For your hotel. Good night, kid. I say red, darling. - What do you say? - [Ball Clatters In Wheel] Black. - Hey, you! - Where are you going with that suitcase? - You had enough? - The owner of my hotel has ridiculous principles. She always wants paying. The people you owe money to have always got ridiculous principles. What happened to the money I gave you? - Paid my debts. I owe Remi. - What debts? Oh, I'm sure you do. I won't ask what for. He set me up here, said I could pay him back weekly. - Does he charge interest? - What's that? [Scoffs] Never mind. - All your worldly belongings in there? - Yes. - Where will you sleep tonight? - Somewhere. - You want to come to my place? - Yes. Don't worry. You got a home. Get in. [Anne] You must have a rich family. - I can't complain. - What do you do? - Ministry of Agriculture. - What? [Laughs] Protection of the horse of France. Seriously, I love horses. I'd have sacrificed everything... my time, my money, my life... - Isn't that right, Paulo? - Yeah, that's right. - It brings in money? - Never. Well, I've got to check my horses. - Will you be back late? - Will I be back late, Paulo? - Never before 6:00. - Oh. - I thought that... - What? - What did you think? - You'd stay. No, no. Why don't you tell Paulo what you think? Okay? Hey. Hey. [Man On P.A., Speaking French] Prince of Orange. Number seven. That's my lucky number. - How much do you want to put on it? - Everything I got left. - 70,000 francs. - Bob, you're crazy. What if you lose? I'll have hit rock-bottom. I'll have to change my ways. - Place it for me. - Do it yourself. Me? Place a bet like that? Never. [Hooves Clattering] Prince of Orange. You could do worse. Oh, you know, I'm missing a passport. - And the girl that went with it. - She's just a kid, Remi. - Let her have a life. - I was investing in her future. Girls are unreliable. Horses, now, there's an investment. - Oh, you're going to give me a tip? - Prince of Orange. 8-1. I'd stake my life on it, and let's call it quits. I'm not a betting man, Bob. - But if I was, you know something? - Try it. It's a blast. I have to say you owe me one! [Cries Out] - [Whinnies] - [Grunts, Screams] - [Men Shouting, Horse Neighing] - Think it'll make the race? Why does he have so much ice cream? That's all he can eat sometimes. - Ah, heroin. - His lady. I thought luck was his lady. Ah, when one runs out he turns to the other. - Why? - Why? Who knows? Why do I want to kiss your neck? What about Bob? What about Bob? He's given us some space. Oh. But I thought... - [Sighs] - Are you sorry? ¶¶[Piano] [Horses Wheezing] [Hooves Thundering] - Okay. - [Grunts] - So. Where to, boss? - Home. Don't you want to continue your winning streak? - [Snorts] - [Chuckles] - What happened to home? - Forget about home. You're going to Monte Carlo. - Where in Monte Carlo? - The Casino Riviera. - [Groans] - You see, Bob, I figure you needed a reason for living. - Now that your luck's bottomed out. - That it has. - The Casino Riviera... - Has a safe. - Yeah. - 80 million in cash deposits in a safe on a hydraulic lift. We've been through it already. So has everybody from here to Paris. It's impossible. - Yeah. But that's not it. - Besides, I'm just a gambler now. Oh, since when? - Since my last six convictions. - Ah. Let me start again. The Casino Riviera has been refurbished. New owner. Funded by a Japanese bank. - So? - So they're taking it upmarket. They want to attract a new class of customer. - How do they do that? - Art. - Art? - Paintings. On the walls. - Remember the '80s, Bob? - No. The Japs had so much cash they couldn't spend it. - They bought... Yeah. - Art. Picasso, Modigliani, Cézanne... At prices you can't imagine. So, to recoup their investment, they hang it on the wall of the casino. - And you want to lift... - Fuck the safe! The paintings. Worth more than ten years of Grand Prix. - How? - Oh. Now you're interested. [Crickets, Locusts Chirping] Where's Paulo? - Helping a friend. - Oh. [Woman Talking, Indistinct] - Better than wallpaper, hmm? - [Scoffs] No comparison. - [Bob] What was that song about Van Gogh? - "Starry, Starry Night." So where is "Starry, Starry Night"? - Maybe in the Guggenheim. But don't be picky. - Let's not be picky. Come over here. - La chambre Picasso. - Oh, that's how it is. Hello, Jacqueline. Huh! - Cézanne. - Yeah. There's only one problem. - What's that? I know. - They're fakes. Good ones. I think another forger. - Modigliani. Beautiful, isn't it? - Yeah. - You want to rob fakes? - No, not exactly. Come outside. - The originals are in there. - Why are they in there? It's a Japanese thing. Protect your investment. Painting in the vault, perfect copy on the wall... - And we crack the vault? - Yes. - Yeah. - And you know the beautiful thing? - What's the beautiful thing? - They can't disclose the robbery... because if they did, the joint closes. Who'd come to see a copy of a Van Gogh? Either somebody just walked over my grave, or I'm going through withdrawal. - Maybe you're excited. - Who tipped you off? A friend of mine. You leaving the best to last? Vladimir. He installed the security system. [Engine Revving] - You okay? - No, I'm not okay. I'm out of dope, and I'm out of luck, and I'm tempted. But I want to die in an old folks' home, not in a jail. - Well, then, forget about it. - We'll need money, a lot of it. - How do you plan to get it? - I take out a loan. - Pretty good deal. - Fuck that. The interest... We'll get the money, Bob. What we need is a plan. - Don't you have one? - That's your speciality. - You know what my plan is? - You've got one already? No more gambling! No more dope! - Till we pull this off. Of course I'm in. - So, Bob. You're in? [Snorting] [Mumbling] - Hey. - Here's the deal. I'm gonna chain myself to that bed. I'm gonna need the bucket, the bedpan... - and some ice cream. - Yes, Bob. I'm sorry, Bob. Oh, Paulo, love means never having to say you're sorry. - [Handcuffs Clinking] - You look good for a man of your age. What age is that? You know, Stone Age? - [Sighs Deeply] - Kinky, as well. I feel a confinement coming on. - [Key Clattering] - What do you say when I ask for that key? - No way. - Thank you. [Muttering] Oh, Jesus. - So you told him? - Why do you think he's sweating it out? - Hi. - Hey! I thought you'd been sent to Algiers. That cop put in a word for me. Thought you were going to blow away. How kind. - Seen Bob? - Why do you want Bob? - I want to thank him. - I'll tell him. He'll be touched. - [Bob Whimpering] - [Bed Creaking] [Groaning, Shivering] [Moaning] - Give me the key. - [Door Slams] - No. - [Snorting] Give me the key. I'll do anything you want. - You would fuck me? - If that's what you want, then give me the key. Come and get it, Mr. Stone Age Man. Do you like my tits, Mr. Stone Age Man? - Give me the key! Give me the key. - ¶¶ [Humming] [Clicking Tongue] Nearly there, Bob. Nearly there. - Nearly there. - Fuck! I can't. Please, please! [Laughing] You know what, Bob? I think I'm not your type. [Door Opening, Closing] [Vomiting] [Bucket Clattering] [Picking Up Bucket] Hey, kid. Thank you. One day at a time, Bob. - Isn't that what they say? - Yeah. - [Door Slamming] - [Gasping, Groaning] - Said. You prefer Nice to Algiers, huh? - No comparison. If you're playing for time, kid, you don't have any. - I swear to you I'm not. - I'm calling Immigration. - I've got something big! - How big? Bob Montagnet is involved. - Are you fucking with me? You know what that means? - No, just give me time. - It's personal with you. You like Bob! - No, no, everyone likes Bob! - That's part of the problem! - I like Bob too! You are on double-duty 24 hours a day. You find out what he is going to do... before he has a chance to do it, because if I have to book him... I'll carry you personally to Algiers... I'll deliver you in cuffs to whatever fuckin' mullah... wants to chop you into pieces over there. - Is that clear? Is that clear? - Yes. Yes! Shh! He's sleeping. - That's good. - Three and a half days. Out. Out. [Puffing] [Engine Rewing] ¶¶['60s Rock] ¶¶[Continues] ¶¶[Man Singing In French] ¶¶[Man Singing Continues] [Car Crashes] ¶¶[Continues Faintly On Car Radio] Why are the French so god-awfully bad at rock 'n' roll? - What do you mean? - I mean, look at it. We give you Elvis Presley, Frank Zappa, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan. And you give us Johnny Hallyday. - Don't talk to me about Johnny Hallyday, okay? - All right, all right. - ¶¶[Johnny Hallyday Continues] - You know, I'm a gambler, Roger. - Yeah, I know. - That means I'm good at probabilities. - I was never good at those. - Well, I have to be. Having driven now for about one hour and 45 minutes... and having you constantly in my rearview mirror... I'd say the probability is that you're following me. I was keeping an eye on the Russian girl. I end up following you. [Scoffing] Really? You're gonna need a tow truck. [Church Bells Ringing] - [Roger] It's your fault. - No, no, no, no, no. My mother was born down there. She was washing her sheets in the rocks below... when a parachute fell out of the sky. It carried Vincent Montana, United States Marine Corps, my father. She thought he was an angel, delivered from heaven. Oh, this was a sentimental journey. At our age, Roger, we have behind us a growing past... and face a diminishing future. - We consider our options. - Oh, yeah. What are they? Me? I just go on. We have to stay clean. Will you give me a lift back to Nice? - Will you stop following me? - Uh-uh. Okay. Philippe? Philippe? Make up a report, will you? "One silver Peugeot damaged, near the village of, uh... Bas-sur-I'Eau." Get me the file on Bob. - Bob Montagnet? - Montagnet, Montana. Bob le flambeur. Bob. What's his passport? American or French? Hey. Both. [Chuckling] He's growing old, huh? - There's gratitude for you. - He's turned snitch. Of course he has. All part of the plan. - You going to share it with anybody? - Well, we're being watched. Tried to enter Monaco yesterday. Had Roger on my tail. - So you lost him? - No, I didn't get there. Visited my mother's birthplace instead. - Where was she born? - I forget. But as I was lookin' at the place, whatever it's called... - I had an epiphany. - What's an epiphany? - We set up two robberies. Just stay with me. - Huh? This one takes some time. We do it on the night before the Grand Prix. - Are you crazy? - Maybe, but hear me out. Every thief around here has been waiting for years to pull that one off. So I set it up, finally. I know they're watching me. They know I'm down on my luck. - Now, you ever heard of Judas? - There is a snitch. Oh, yeah. Always is. One-time friend. New enemy. Old lover. You're lucky if you find him in time to shut him up. But this time, man, I don't care. Maybe I even cultivate him. - You're not with me. - Not yet. On the night before the Grand Prix, I'm in the casino with you and Paulo. We pose as gamblers. We get an inside contact there. We get the make of the safe, the setup, as complete as it can be. But Roger has every cop, every piece of security in the place watching me. So what do I do? What would you do? - I'd call it off. - Exactly. I'd call it off. But at 5:00 in the morning. In the meanwhile, we have a crew in the villa where the real heist takes place. And they've had six, maybe seven uninterrupted hours to secure those paintings. - Okay. - It's like those paintings. - We've got a real heist, and a fake. - Ah-ha. With the inner complication that we want to be betrayed. Now, let's face it. We generally are. There's always someone turning snitch. This time we welcome the rat, and I let Roger stay glued to my ass like a bad hemorrhoid... I can't get rid of. - Are we having fun yet? - We will be, if it works. Yeah, if it works. We better talk to your Vladimir. ¶¶[Patriotic Anthem, In The Distance] - Has he a record, this Vladimir? - Maybe Moscow. - Why'd he come to you? - I think it was, uh, pride. - Pride? - Yeah. You'll see. ¶¶[Jimi Hendrix-Style Guitar, "Star-Spangled Banner"] ¶¶[Continues] - ¶¶ [Electronic Shrieking] - Stay back and imagine an invisible square. ¶¶ [Anthem Resumes] - ¶¶ [Shrieking] - I said, stay back and imagine... an invisible, motherfucking square. ¶¶ [Resumes] So? What do you guys think? Well, it's impressive, Vlad. Really. You've got to imagine, 30 meters high, Madison Square Garden. R.E.M. Are ready to bite. We meant your security system, Vlad. - ¶¶ [Fades] - Oh. You're the heist guys. Yeah. We're not the rock 'n' roll guys. Villa St. Pierre. Quite complicated, like this. You know how I was going to call this? "Purple Haze." Yeah, good choice, Vlad. Get back to the security system. How does it work? The way everything works. Mathematics. 180 i-points in vertical. The horizontal the same. That means, the points of contact equal. - 180 squared, that's 32,400. - Very good. But listen. The horizontals and the verticals move against each other. So, in effect, I've covered infinity. If anything moves in there, anything that has body heat more than rigor mortis... [High-Pitched Wailing, Ascending] - What if the power fails? - Half second delay, the generator kicks in. Have you ever tried to heist in half second? - If the computer fails? - It cannot. There is another hard drive connected, has enough gigabytes to run a cruise missile. - You know cruise missiles? - Yeah. - So it's impregnable? - Yeah. - Hi. I'm Vlad. - Hi. I'm Bob. - This is Paul. - Hi, Paul. - Hi. - So, why'd you contact us, Vlad? - Between you and me? - Yeah. - I got my family back in Vladivostok begging me to get them out. So I got a thinking: The only guy who could crack impregnable system... - is the guy who installed it. - You. Me. The only way Vlad will crack Vlad system is with a Vlad system. - Still with me? - Almost. Villa St. Pierre. I build it here in front of you. - [Keyboard Clicking] - Same dimensions, to the centimeter. I match the movement of the sensors in my set after those in the villa. I get into the system so they read what's here, not what's there. - Oh. - Then there is a problem of sound. - The sound? - You heist guys make a noise, no? Wire mesh built into the walls, floor and the ceiling. Detects noisy, hammering heist guys. The same thing, I build it here. The exact dimension. The alarm rings here... - but noisy heist guys hammering there. - Can you do all this? - I live in hope. Tell you next week. - Oh. How do you plug in to their system? Their system needs upgrading every six months. And my next visit is due Tuesday, next week. I could leave there a beetle. - Beetle? - Sorry. It's the wrong word. A "bug." A miniature fifth column. Takes instructions from you. - And, uh, I need a equal partnership. - Oh. A "favored nation." - It's a deal. - Deal? Yeah. ¶¶[Electric Guitar Resumes] So. How do we pay for this? The son was sold to a devil. [Door Slams] Do you know what Einstein said about roulette, Anne? - What? - It can only be beaten by a gambler... with infinite capital, playing in a game without limits for eternity. - So why play? - Einstein didn't believe in luck. [Wheel Spinning] - Black. - You're gonna tell me I have to go now, right? - [Sighs] You can't stay here, Anne. - [Ball Rattling In Wheel] Paulo's waiting for you in the car. What if I said no? Well, I think Paulo would be very disappointed. - No. - [Exhales] Oh, no, no, no, no. My, my. [Sighs Deeply] - Mm. Bob. Oh! - [Grunts] [Chuckles, Sighs] He thinks the sun shines out of your eyes. No, he thinks it shines out of yours. And the moon. He imitates you, Bob. He's a good kid. Some girls prefer the real thing. Oh, ho, you think I'm the real thing? You said I'd always have a home. If you choose. He's giving you a job, isn't he? - So he says. - So, what else does he say? "I love you." All the time. Only one solution. Say it back. I can't. I never could. - So, my place? - You promise I won't regret it? I promise. [Door Slamming] [Shutter Clicking, Motor Winding] - Yeah, I'd heard the legend. - Pamplona. Pablo bet on the matador... - I bet on the bull. - And the matador got how many stitches? - Twenty-six. - I never believed until now. Amazing. I mean, the place to sell this is New York. No, no, no, no. Can't go back there. I'd heard that too. So, what do you want? - An advance against the salary. You take your commission. - Forty percent. [Chuckles] Do we argue that now? No. Not now. So, when can I see it? Milk. Straight up. - You going through your second childhood, Bob? - Twelve steps. I think I'm on two and a half. Chin-chin. - I spoke to Petit Louis. - So? - Is he interested? - Interested enough to talk to you. Good. We'll need Fernandez, Luigi and Bill. - You've turned down Philippe? - Yeah, all the apostles. And here comes one candidate for Judas. [Bob] So, they let you out, my friend. Yeah. Someone put in a good word for me. I thought it might be you. That cop's a friend of yours, no? - Were there any conditions? - I had to sign up for rehab. - So, you're clean too, huh? - Yeah, I'm clean. But I've got a line on some golden brown. Oh. How are you gonna make ends meet... now that you're not filling up that hole in my arm? - Ciao, Yvonne. - Let's go. - [Yvonne] Ciao. ¶¶[North African] - Is Fernandez around? - Why you want Fernandez? Ask him, does he still want pesetas to open that club in Rio? - But it's no good if we can't shoot. - No boom-boom, Louis. This won't be the movies. - You mean, I can't even shoot blanks? - No. - [Man] Action.! - Shh! [Gunshots] ¶¶[Man Singing In Arabic] [No Audible Dialogue] Oh, you look like you kept in shape, Philippe. [Grunting] Yeah. I work out. But you know the way it is. - Time passes, we all change. - Uh-huh, do we ever. [Laughs] Yeah, well, some more than others. - I don't know quite how to put this, Bob. - Tell me anything, Philippe. Okay, it's Philippa now. But if you still want me, I'm in. - Hey, Luigi. [Indistinct] - Oui, oui? [Bob] You know what he used to say: I never borrow, I steal. Well, he was a good thief here. I can see some Ingres. Bit of Velázquez in these eyes. And this neck. Some of those old Etruscan vases they used to... pick up on the beaches at Pompeii. If this is hot, Bob, I'm not touching it. It was a bet. On my child's life. If this is hot, your child won't have a life. [Both Chuckling] I've got too many raps against me already. There's no signature. A lot of'em aren't signed. Here. - Pamplona, 1969. - Mm. - [Chuckles] And that's the signature. - Yeah. I'd say, two to three million dollars... at auction in New York. - I take my commission. - Twenty-five. - Are you in a position to bargain? - Thirty then. - With a 10% advance. - One and a half million francs. If there's something you're not telling me, what's my security? There's nothing I'm not telling you. And you have the painting. Does it come with wrapping? Hello, Big Ears. Hello. So, how many of you guys knew Philippe had turned into Philippa? - Well, I knew. - I knew too, Bob. - Yeah? - You mean, you didn't know? - Nobody tells me anything. - Enough about me. Are you going to tell us why we're here? - Yes. - Hello. - [Yvonne] Hi. Jack Daniels? The fakes are cover for the real. It travels on the grapevine. The real one stays mum. - Yeah. - How do we keep it mum? We all trust in each other in this room. We've all worked together. Any of you lets a whisper out, I'll lock him in the bathhouse with Philippa. How do they travel on the grapevine? Why do you think I asked to meet here? There is your snitch. See how simple it becomes when you embrace your own Judas? Oh, my God. You did sell your soul. - I had to sell something. - To whom? - Tony Angel. - Tony Angel? - I hope you got a fair price. - I got this. Fernandez. Luigi. Petit Louis. - Philippa. - Hey. Aren't you worried about Philippe? - Why? Should I be? - Since he... You know. Became Philippa. When he had his balls cut off, he lost his balls, so to speak? That's sex discrimination, Paulo. - But women, they talk more! - Does Philippa look like a woman to you? No, he looks like, uh, Philippe... with melons. [Chuckling] I'd trust Philippa with my life. I'll tell you what. Tell her if she talks, I'll cut off her cojones. Or did she lose them, too? [Scoffing] ¶¶[Techno] - What was that about? - You told me to be nice to the patrons. Now you're jealous. That's sweet. [Laughing] - Don't wait up for me. - Now I'm jealous. Where are you going? - I got to meet Bob. - Always meeting Bob. What is it this time? ¶¶[Continues] [Door Closes, Engine Revs] [Motorcycle Engine Starts, Revs] ¶¶[Vladimir's Guitar Wailing] - I could retire on this. - So R.E.M. Took the bait? Oh, fuck rock 'n' roll. You heist guys are easier to deal with. So, what do the heist guys think? - Oh, it's amazing, Vlad. - Almost. A problem if you heist guys get too noisy. All the system still in place. ¶¶ [Chord, Increasing Feedback] - [Whining, Squealing] - Over 90 d.B.'s, there is alarm override. So, we mike ourselves. Carry a decibel comp. - Regrettably, the best Vlad can do. - How about the cameras? You could have orgy there. Nobody would notice. - You into orgies, Bob? - No, not since '72. It's a deliberate mistake. I got a good computer graphics. But I'm not Cézanne. I need photographs from the casino... - to fill all these frames. - I need to see that vault. I have an appointment Tuesday to upgrade their system. I can't get you in there, but it doesn't mean you cannot see it. [Man On TV, Speaking French] [Speaking French] Hey, you! - Tell me you love me. - I can't. You know that. What kind of girl is it cannot say three words? Very tired girl. From a deeply dysfunctional family. - I say it to you! - Nobody asked you to. What do I have to do to get you to say it? Huh? Get me the moon. [Laughing] [Speaking French] I'll do better. Suppose I told you I was going to rob the Casino Riviera on the night before the Grand Prix? And all for you. - How much in the safe? - Is that all you can say? That's all. Eighty million francs. So say it. Eighty million francs. [Buzzing] - It's Roger. - Are you sure? - Certain. - Aw, shit! - Change of plan? - Yeah. You gotta take the train. - And you take the camera. - You mean this lighter is a camera? It's a Minox. Do you think I was gonna go up there with a Nikon? Take pictures of paintings. Then play slot machines till I get there. - How does it work? - Open it up... look through the viewfinder, give yourself a light. - You like smoking? - Not that much. There's 24 paintings. That's 24 Marlboro Lights, I hope. I was trying to give it up. Roger, I've given up my studies on the probability theory. - Oh, really? - Yeah, all that computation addles the brain. All I can say now is, "What a coincidence!" - No. No coincidence. I was following you. - [Scoffs] - Hot damn, wrong again. - You found religion? I'm paying my respects... to my mother. - Do you remember that village where she was born? - Yeah. Bas-sur-I'Eau. - Yeah. That G.I. That came out of the sky? - What is your father? Yeah. Well, they moved here, to the old town. He became a junkie. And when he up and left... she became one of those ladies in black you see over there lighting candles. Praying for her husband's return. - Were her prayers answered? - Well, the way all prayers are answered. Not in the way she wanted. He turned up again when I was seven, clean as a whistle... with a new wife named Dora... took me to a new life in America. And, by the time I made it back here, well... - She wasn't lighting candles anymore. - Yeah. You know, that's the third version you've told me. Well, that's the truth. - So is it true what they're saying? - What are they saying? Well, they say you're back in business. - No? - The only business I'm in, Roger... is the business of recovery. Three weeks. I'm clean. [Shutter Clicks] Our daily bread, forgive us our trespasses... Have you heard the story of the Good Thief, Roger? - No. I'm not religious. - No. Neither am I. But when my mother told it, I guess it stuck. The Good Thief... beside Jesus on the cross... and Jesus said to him, if I remember this right... "Tonight you will be with me in paradise." And the thought that there was a place in heaven for a thief always made me cry. [Chuckles] You want to make me cry now? You gotta watch this cynicism, Roger. It's too easy in that job of yours. - I'll work on my attitude. - You should. You should. [Shutter Clicks] [Multiple Clicks, Paulo Coughs] Bob. You saved my life, but if you try something... - Try what? - Do I have to spell it out? I'll put you down for life. - You're a cop. That's what you do. - What are you? I was good at thieving once, Roger, and I may not be the Good Thief yet... but I am trying... believe me, I am trying. Now if you excuse me. I have to pay my respects. She was a good woman. My mother. [Sighs] [Shutter Clicking, Paulo Coughing] [Anne] What do you know? It's the Candy Man. - [Said] Is that my new name? - Yeah. Got a kiss for me this fine evening? Yeah, sure. [Chuckles] Your boyfriend Paulo... what's he up to? - Works with Bob. - On what? - Doesn't tell me. - What's he working on, baby? That surprise. - On a safe. - What safe? Give me first. [Clicks Lighter] A safe with 80 million. That's all I know. [Chattering In French] Got a light? That's it. I'm giving up smoking. - Do you know nicotine's more addictive than heroin? - Really? Ask any junkie. - Are you done? - Mm-hmm. - Anyone clock you? - I don't think so. Guy with short hair with the ear piece. Do you notice him? - Huh? Well, he noticed me. - Yeah. Come on. - You want to see the vault? - Yeah. I do my regular check on their system. I plant my beetle. Meanwhile, you enjoy the view. - From where? - From the car behind. A reasonable picture, up to 100 meters. Then it gets emotional. - Emotional? - Kind of fuzzy. - Oh, emotional. - [Engine Revving] [Man Speaking French] [French] - [French] - [Gate Clicking] - He has some kind of fancy system. - [Bob] Yes. - And there is nothing in that vault? - Oh. I got a fine assist, I guess we'll soon find out. [Car Door Slamming] Bon soir, monsieur. - [Turning Pages] - Plans of the villa. - Where did you get them? - Architectural Heritage Society. Very helpful. Security room, basement. [Whispering] Don't you guys know me by now? - Procedure is procedure. - Oh! Procedure is procedure. Sounds like a techno band from Dusseldorf. [Beeping] - Oh. - Wow! No fantasist he. [Rapid Beeping] Good. [Electronic Beeping] Could you... - Thank you. - [Bob] Guess what that is. - What? - The old Napoleonic sewers. They run downhill towards the sea. That's our way in. Turn that off. We can watch it later. Come on. Do you think I'm blind or something... that I haven't noticed what you're up to? - Yvonne... - Men coming here to see you, phone calls, everything. You're crazy. Bob, I haven't forgotten that I opened this bar... with money you lent me. - So, if you need money now... - You're mad, Yvonne. What put that idea in your head? If you get yourself arrested, you wouldn't survive, you bastard. Would you come and visit me inside, bring me whiskey in a flask? - [Yvonne] It wouldn't be the first time. - Do you know him? No. Never saw him before. Why do I imagine I have? - Ciao. - Take care. Turn around. Follow me. - What's up? - Behind me. You remember him? Philippa, hop in that doorway and find out what his beef is. [Muffled Grunt] - What the hell? - Oh. You think he whacked Philippa? Nobody whacks Philippa. You're twins, right? We're onto you. Whoa, whoa. [Man] What the fuck do you think you're doin'? - Get off! - Philippa! Stop! Stop! Stop! - My arms are getting tired. - Phil, be a bit more gentlemanly. This is Albert. That's Bertram you're abusing. They're twins. This is Albert. That's Bertram you're abusing. They're twins. Now, say you're sorry. - Sorry, Albert. - The name's Bert. Let's go through it again. This time pretend I'm slow. - Slow? - Yeah, it means stupid, um, kind of. - It's simplicity itself. - He's in charge of the deposits to the safe. They change the combinations weekly. - I get the numbers. I make the deposits. - He gives me the combinations. The night before the Grand Prix, while he's in the manager's office, I'm on the floor. - The staff take me for him. - He has access to the safe, and my alibi is solid as a rock. I see. You've put a lot of thinking into this. [Together] Two heads are better than one. - So, what was your plan? - [Sighs] Nothing like yours. - Infantile in comparison. - We need help to move that kind of money. So, if you want in... - No one's ever seen you together. - No one in Monte Carlo. - Give us a day or two to think about it. Right, Paulo? - Or three. You go out the back. You go out the front. [Hinges Creak] - Crazy, boss, huh? - Totally. But, you know, we want them to think we want that safe. Twins. You see Roger's following that? How's he gonna know they're twins? Tell you what. Call him in a day or two. Go through their plan again. - It has the benefit of originality. - We've got that meeting. Yeah. You go out the back. I'll go out the front. Try to lose Roger. Start without me if you have to. Would you drive me, Roger? I have a meeting. I'm attending Narcotics Anonymous. That was your support group up there? - Yeah. - [Engine Starts, Runs] You're welcome to join me. You should support me in my battle against my addictions. Your addictions being... Gambling and narcotics. [Raoul] Okay, guys, imagine this is a vault. All the alarms will be... coming in from here... And reinforced steel floor... - You know, every addict, Roger, has an enabler. - Nobody tells me anything. The one who, through no fault of their own, maintains the addict in their habit. - Often needs the addict in their habit. - [Chuckles] - Let me guess. Your enabler is... - Is you. We're codependents, Roger. We have been for years. I mean, look at you, now. You're chasin' me, because you imagine that I'm chasin' a big score. - [Laughs] - And maybe the cure starts with you. - The cure? - Yeah, because deep down you want me to try that big one... if only to see how I'd do it. There's nothing I can do that'll convince you that I'm clean. It's unhealthy, Roger. - It means we're both hooked. - [Raoul] Running through a tunnel... between the ceiling and the floor... Bill packs these mikes... Make sure you keep that needle below 90. Right, Vlad? [Bob] You wanna come up? We can explore these issues further. - I haven't hit rock bottom yet. - You will. - Are you sure? - The cure starts now. Say it. - Say what? - "My name is Roger. I'm an addict in recovery." - [Laughs] No, no. You say it. - My name is Bob, and I'm an addict in recovery. And today is the first day of the rest of my life. [Woman] My name is Michelle, and I am an addict. [Men And Women, Together] Hello, Michelle. [Woman #2] My name is Anne, and I am an addict. - [Together] Hello, Anne. - My name is Case. - I am an addict. - [Together] Hello, Case. - My name is Bob, and I'm an addict. - [Together] Hello, Bob. My name is François, and I'm an addict. [Together] Hello, François. [Raoul] Paulo replaces the grill and joins Bob and me in the casino. We keep them busy there. And... no smoking. Okay, guys: Mikes, needle, gas main, grill and casino, eh? - And that's how it works in theory. - Yeah, in theory. We rehearse this on Friday. Did you explain everything? - [Raoul] Yeah, yeah. - [Others Chattering] Well, we're gonna go in there at night, all right? Everybody understand that? ¶¶[Techno] So, Remi, have I gone up in the world, or come down? From my perspective, you're kind of standing still. You can't move standing still? I think you should value yourself more highly. Think he's right, Said? - Depends. - Depends on what? - On what you're selling. - Damaged goods. That's me. Would you prefer to discuss this in private? Private? I like private. Come on, guys. Come on. Location, the safe, the 80 million francs. - And why should I tell you? - Because I'll give you pleasant dreams. - Hmm. - Look at this. [Straining] Paulo. Philippa. - Gas faucet. - Right. Twist it left till it stops. Okay, boss. Aaah! [Shudders] Hey... They're gonna rob... Bank of America, fourth of July. - Don't make fun of me, you bitch! - Learn maturity from the dogs in the street? I know it's the casino where they are, okay? The night before the Grand Prix in Monte Carlo. Now, fuck off. - Chill it.! - What? Anne? How are you? - Okay. - How are you? - Good. - You okay? - Here. - Are you certain? - Yeah. - It's my bag. I think it's lonely. - [Electronic Beeping] - I miss you too. So, Vlad, that alarms aren't mobilized? You still don't believe me? - What time is it, Raoul? - Uh, 2:45. 2:45. Okay. Here goes. - ¶¶[Discotheque] - A lovely kid like you shouldn't be in a nightclub, you know? You want me on the streets? Anne, you don't look 14. We both know that. - For you? - For both of us. I must be made of gold, then. Everybody wants a piece of me. Okay, let's go. You should get some fresh air. Come on. [Electric Motor Humming] Yeah. - [Alarm Wailing] - [Tapping On Keyboard] [Alarm Continues] [Hammer Hitting Chisel] [Alarm Wailing] [Men Chattering, Grunting] All right. Two feet of brick. Keep the sound at sixty d.B. Should take? - No. Two more is max. - All right. Let's get the torch ready. - [Metal Hits Ground] - Maybe I should melt myself down... - [Metal Hits Ground] - Maybe I should melt myself down... and give a piece of me to everyone who wants a piece of me. Who wants a piece of you? - Paulo for one. - Oh. And what does he want? - He wants to buy me the moon. - Oh? - [Laughs] The moon. - Mmm. - Moon's very expensive, you know. - [Laughs] And how would he pay for it? - The heist. - Oh, yes. Of course. The heist. Who else? Said. - He wants to know what I know about the heist. - Oh. What do you know? Mm, well, what I know I didn't tell him. - [Laughs] That's my clever girl. - [Laughs] And Monsieur Bob, he doesn't want money. He wants what money can't buy. [Sniffs] What can't money buy? Beauty. - You are being mysterious now. - Hmm. Isn't beauty always mysterious? - Like you. - Hmm. - I'm tired, Remi. Will you take me home? - Of course. Of course. - Can you keep a secret, Paulo? - Depends. After the operation, everything was the same. - Everything? - Ja. I bench press 400 pounds... - I'm still the same bad motherfucker, except for... - Except for what? - Spiders. Can't take spiders. - Spiders? - And there's spiders round that faucet, Paulo. - Uh-huh. Can you do the faucet, Paulo? - Yeah. I'll... I'll do the faucet for you. - And keep it between us, Paulo. I mean, I don't want no laughing. I got a reputation, you know? [Footsteps Departing] Here you go. - [Opening Bottle] - [Bottle Cap Hitting Floor] Paulo. - What the fuck is... - I helped your girlfriend home. - You? - Yes. Someone has to look out for her, you know? She was in a bad way, out of her head, telling stories. - Cool. Cool. Cool. - What stories? - Cool. - I said, what fucking stories? - Something about the safe. 80 million... - [Grunts] The quai in Monte Carlo. Who'd she tell? Said. They say they have a deal. When he gets her high, then he fucks her, then... then she tells him what the real story is. It's not true, you lying pig! - Get the fuck out of here. - I swear. I swear... on my tribe's life. Fuck! [Paulo Shouting In Distance, Indistinct] - [Slap Landing] - [Sobs] [Door Slams] You'll get me shot, cop, asking to tail like that. - Bob never killed anyone. - Always a first time. You can always take your chances in Algiers. Tell me. The Casino Riviera in Monaco. There's a safe with 80 million francs. - I don't believe you. - Tomorrow night, before the Grand Prix. Said! Said! Said! Said! If you want witnesses, Captain, I saw the whole thing. It was Paulo Turco. Tell me something useful, would you? He was afraid they blow the whistle about the Casino Riviera. - I never thought Bob would be that stupid. - He's not. - He just wants you to think he is. - Hello? - I have this terrible feeling you're going to tell me something. - Yes. - It's not the money. The paintings on the walls! - What paintings? You should call the casino. Bob? What did I do, Bob? Huh? Huh? I don't know, honey. What did you do? Careful. Now, pick your feet up. [Paulo] Fuck.! I fuck it up bad, man. - I'm sorry, I lost it. - What? Your Romeo here just shot your dealer, and we have to know what you told him. - Nothing. - Don't lie, you drunken bitch.! - You told him and you fucked him. - [Tires Screech] You're a tough guy, Paulo? You shoot a strung-out kid. What does that make you, huh? A mean, motherfucking, gang-banging... bastard! - Get out of the car, Anne. - [Door Opens] Pathetic, fucking cliché! You're gonna keep driving till you reach San Remo, tough guy. - You know where San Remo is? - It's in Italy? You're facing a murder rap, Paulo. That's quite a surprise. I don't want any more surprises. - I'll make it up to you, Bob. - Okay. Make it up to me in Italy. - [Door Slams] - [Engine Starts] And I'll be grateful, Anne, if you told me what you said. I swear, I told him nothing, but Remi said... Wait. So Remi said something? Mmm. [Sniffles] I told him what Paulo told me... about the Monte Carlo, the night before Grand Prix. Paulo told you that? Yeah. He said he'd buy me the moon when you robbed the casino. When we robbed what from the casino? The safe with 80 million. [Sniffles] - And that's all Remi told him? - Mm-hmm. He said, "I'll straighten you out." Okay. It's okay, kid. It's okay. [Quietly] It's okay. - Anne... No! - [Anne Gasps, Whimpers] Hey, you, fake.! Where's my money? - So, you knew Picasso? - Met him once. Pamplona, wasn't it? He bet on the matador. You bet on the bull. - The matador got how many stitches? - Twenty-six. Well, it can't have been Pablo. It must have been Paddy Picasso, his distant Irish cousin... because I had this canvas valued in New York. - It's not worth the fucking freight charge. It's a fake! - It's a good fake, though. Isn't that a contradiction in terms: "A good fake, a happy homosexual"? It was painted by Paul Keating, one of the truly great fake... - Where did you meet him? - At a betting shop in Croydon. - I gave him a tip on... - Kazinski here is a really great artist. Show him. No.! Not her. Not yet. The picture. So, if I don't... - [Tearing Canvas] - Get my... money back by Monday... what I do to both your faces will definitely be cubist. Call it the new aesthetic. What do you call it, child? - The new aesthetic - Without an anesthetic. When did I say? - Monday. - Monday. Come on, Kaz. [Whimpering] - [Door Slams] - It's all right. It's okay. - Have you ever tried gambling, Anne? - No. And I never knew Picasso. Well, the thing about Pablo was, no one ever really knew him. Just how much trouble are you in, Bob? If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. Oh, I believe everything you tell me. Tell me about gambling. Do you have any luck left? - I'll tell you tomorrow. - [Ball Spinning In Roulette Wheel] - Did you call the casino? - They were closed, but I got you this. - Art. - Yes, they reopened it last year. Doesn't add up. He's going to steal them in full view on the busiest night of the year? - [Sighs] - You should get some sleep, boss. I know. I know I should. [Chatter On Police Radio, Distant] [Chatter Continues] [Engine Stops] - What the fuck are you doing? - [Phone Keypad Tones] [Grunts] Hey, what's up, guys? Nothing lately. Sorry. Complications. But better late than never. Bertram, you have a place a guy could sleep or is it only twin beds? - I spoke to the casino, and the manager had no worries. - [Yawns] He said the originals are quite secure at a different location. - The originals, huh? - Yeah, in a vault at Villa St. Pierre. - The ones in the casino are copies for display. - Oh, my God. It's a fake. Yes, they're all fakes. Pathetic, isn't it? - No, it's beautiful. - The fakes? - Anne. - Hmm. Do you know the first thing to learn about gambling? - What? - Clothes. He or she should always look their best. - And we don't quite make it. - No. So, let's go shopping. What about this? Turn around. Divine. The best disguise in the world: Tuxedo and some gel. Albert, you got some gel? [Toilet Flushing] - Gel. - Thank you. Gel is essential when things get complicated. There. - We could almost be triplets. - [Both] Hmm. - And do you know the second thing? - Tell me. - Gambling and dope don't mix. - The third? Always play the game to the limit. Damn the consequences. Two teams. Six cars in the trap. I take the villa. You take the casino. - And be diplomatic with those monkeys in Monaco. - What about Bob? You'll find him playing the tables, expecting me to tail him. - Just don't let him leave. - Do I arrest him? For playing roulette? ¶¶[Woman Singing Opera] ¶¶[Continues] She had a bad end, Mimi. But then tell me an opera that has a happy ending. - She died? - Uh-huh. Anne. You're gonna see fake glamor... serious money, and a lot of bad plastic surgery. But remember, the dice falls the same for all of them. - That's lesson number four? - Five and six. - Hey, where is Paulo? - Paulo shot a snitch and had to run to San Remo. - Do you think he got there, honey? - I sincerely hope so. Nothing we can do, Raoul, but play our parts, and my part was to gamble. So let's gamble. [Grunting] Where the fuck's Paulo? [Tires Screeching] Hey, so just how fucked is it? - Don't know yet. - Do we call it off? - It's too late for that. How do we play this one, Anne? - To the limit, I think? You heard that, Raoul... to the limit. Let's get some chips. - Cover the grounds. Check all the exits. - [Tires Squealing] Go, go, go, go! No dead bodies tonight. Do you know what a prime is, Anne? - A number divisible by itself and one. - You remembered. I'm touched. - Don't play them tonight. - Why not? - It's my birthday. I'm not a prime anymore. - [Croupier, Speaking French] - [French] - Yes! You broke it, Bob... your losing streak. Lesson number seven, Anne, and don't take it the wrong way. Displays of emotion are kept to a minimum. [Bob] Thank you. - [Alarm Wailing] - ¶¶ [Rock, Electric Guitar] [Drilling] - [Alarm] - ¶¶[Electric Guitar] [Bob] There. There are plainclothes cops all over, but nothing of Roger. - Someone's been singing, Bob. - Yes, but I don't know what tune. I could check out the villa. If I see cops on the gate... If you check out the villa, you'll invite cops to the gate. Your choice, Raoul. - Round she goes. Where she ends, no one knows. - Hmm. [Croupier, Speaking French] [Bob] I was right, you know... first time I met you. Lucky eyes: One brown, one green. - Should I get contacts? - Mm-mm. Never. [Drilling] Fucking Paulo. Fucking spiders. - [Groans] - We've got infrared sensors reading... every centimeter down there. If a fly buzzes in, the alarm sounds. Seven digital cameras. He'll have gotten round your sensors and gotten round your damn cameras. And the only question is where he's comin' in from. - Let's go downstairs. - I'll have to disarm the system. You're not listening. I think you'll find he's done that for you. [Engine Starts, Revs] - How much do you owe the cubist? - One and a half million francs. - Have you a long way to go, Bob? - Rule number eight. Never tempt fate. We win. [Crowd Murmuring] [Murmuring Continues] [Gasps] - [Spits] - Every Alarm in the building should be screaming by now. That's technology for you... always lets you down. And I bet he can't see us on his monitors upstairs. I think we've got a problem. My God. That doesn't let you down. It would almost have been worth it, Bob. - Who the fuck is Bob? - Shh. [Whispering] Hello. Hello. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Hello. Hello? They're coming from underneath. Check beneath the vault. Call your men from the casino immediately. - [Bob] Another lesson. - [Anne] What number is this? Doesn't matter. Always tip. Private rooms. [Shouting In French] It is not looking good, pal. [Shudders] [Straining] - [Gas Hissing] - Fuck. Fuck! [Men Screaming, Yelling] - Aaah! What the fuck? - Ow.! - Can't get through the pipe! - Did you take care of that faucet? - Does it fucking look like it? - The fucking gas! [Yelling, Indistinct] I smell gas. - Get out of here! - [Explosion] - [Flame Roaring] - [Footsteps Crunching On Debris] - That's not quite Bob's style. - What the fuck is Bob's style? [Exhales] Somewhat more elegant. Get in the car! - Where is Philippa? - Fuck Philippa. Go! [Tires Squealing] Fucking spiders. Hey, what's wrong with spiders? Fucking spiders made it all go boom. - Boom, huh? - Boom, fucking boom! [Whispering] What we have is a full house. - We wanna bet 600,000 francs. It pays 10 to one. - Yeah. [Dealing Cards] [Chips Being Dispensed] That's 6 million francs we just won. Take this million francs, put it on the ante, and watch his face. [Kisses] - [Siren Blaring] - [Tires Screech] [Clears Throat] Check all cars in and out of Monte Carlo. They're looking for burned hair and singed eyebrows. I'm going to the casino. - Casinos? - Someone has to tell him he's blown it. [Both Whispering, Indistinct] [French] [Whispering] That's the manager. Bon soir, monsieur. [Manager] Last call. - Says who? - It's almost daylight. - [Stacks Chips] - Rosy-fingered dawn. [Cards Being Dealt] [Crowd Gasping, Murmuring] - The house must retire. - The house sleepy? Cash, if you please. Large denominations. - And it's getting late. - [Claps] - [Whispering] The last rule. - What? If you're gonna win big, do it with a girl called Anne. - Okay? - Hmm. - You had a good night, my friend? - Exceptional. And you? - Well, exceptional too. I crashed a party. - What kind of a party? Well, a boom-fucking-boom one. I apprehended a transvestite... who had an interest in art and all along... [Continues, Indistinct] [Whispers, Indistinct] The safe is empty. - [Hangs Up Telephone] - I could accept a post-dated check. - Tell him again, will you? - Well, it seems someone cracked the safe. Tell him, hey, of all nights, just my luck. - And I am awaiting legal advice. - How long must we wait? - I have a meeting in Paris. - Shall we speed things up and arrest you now? - Me? On what charges? - Criminal conspiracy. - [Roger] Criminal conspiracy can be hard to prove. - Impossible in my case. I've been here all evening. Look at that crowd. All witnesses to my presence. My behavior? Impeccable, I would say. And to my luck, there hasn't been a run of luck like that in Monte Carlo... since Joseph Jaggers broke the bank in 1872. - 1873, sir. - There's one way, of course, the management could avoid paying. - What are you implying, sir? - It's unthinkable that a casino would empty its own safe. - [Rings] - Its reputation... - Its reputation is without peer. - And your implication is beneath contempt. - As I said, unthinkable. - [French] - [Phone Hanging Up] - We will insist on a full investigation. - You certainly should. I mean, I would if I was in your situation. - Would you kindly put a "zock" in it, sir? - A "zock"? Put "zit" in this mouth of yours. Oh, you mean I should retire with my winnings and keep my mouth shut? - I mean shut the fuck up. - Mmm. Anne? [Engine Stops] - Wow! - Ah, fuck! [Laughing] - Yes! Yes! So, tell me again. Which twin are you? - The identical one. - And which share do you get? - He gets mine. I get his. Do you always share this way? - Sharin' means caring'. - Okay, okay! - Hey, you won, you lunatic. - [Chuckles] It's not about winning, Roger. It's about attitude. Win or lose, you gotta do 'em both with grace. - You learn that in recovery? - Change the things you can. Accept the things you can't. And learn the wisdom to know the difference. Ah, so, what's the difference between a run of luck and a casino heist? [Chuckles] Then again, Roger, there are some eventualities... that recovery doesn't prepare you for. No. No, no. No difference, Bob. - Very little, if you think about it. - Well... there'll be an investigation, and I'll have to insist you stay in France. - I'll never leave France. - It could take some time. - You'll have to talk to my lawyer. - Who's your lawyer? Have you any suggestions? I have a friend of yours in custody who'll need the best that money can buy. I'd be careful, Roger. With this much money she could sue you for damages. Mm-hmm? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You made it up to me. Now, get off the phone. Yeah. - You don't want to talk to Paulo, right? - No. - Tell him he doesn't live up to my ideal of manhood. - Is there anyone who does? - Yeah. - Who? - My father. - Oh. He was a circus strong man. He used to hang my mother from a high wire, suspended from his teeth. - Then one day his teeth broke. - And? She got two false legs, and he got two false teeth. You're bullshitting me. - [Laughing] - You sure? Yes. You know, my mother was a rodeo queen, and she used to wrangle bulls... ¶¶[Hip-Hop, Man Singing French And Arabic] ¶¶[Rapping In French] ¶¶[Ends] What's up - I come to sit in. You gonna help me with my losing streak? - It's not possible, Bob. - Maybe not, but you could give me the illusion. The illusion. I've got plenty of that. So how much does illusion cost? - The usual. - Got a prime here, Said. Should I stick with it? - What's a prime? - Special number. Divisible by itself and one. - You're a mathematician, Bob? - Yeah. Chaos theory. - How much? I don't know. - Two hundred? - Want to gamble? - You'd only lose. - You spying' on me, kid? - No. - I work here. - Since when? - Since last week. - You're too young to work here. - That's not what Remi says. - Oh, I'm sure it's not. Besides, you're too old to do that. You're right. We're both lost souls. - What age are you, kid? - Seventeen. Seventeen? Well, what do you know? A prime. What's a prime? Special number, divisible by one and itself. Strange thing about primes is, the further you get from ze-- - Hey, kid. Hey. Hey. - Hmm? Will you shut that door for me, please? - Lesson over? - For now. He said he's taking you with him. If he lets you book him... they'll deport him to Algeria. And he'd last two days. He might as well die here as there. He's gonna count to three. If they don't drop those guns... - he's gonna blow your head off. He said, "One. Two. Three.!" You know, I swore I'd never share a needle. - Why'd you do it? - I thought you'd put a word in for him. - Keep him in France. What would he get? - Possession with intent. - Five years. - And for murdering a police officer? - Throw away the key. - There you go. That's why. - You didn't do it for me, then, huh? - You? Fuck you. You're my worst nightmare. My bad angel. How many times have you booked me? I forget. But once more and they throw away your key. - Don't let it happen. - Thanks for the lesson, schoolteacher. I'm clean. You try a new scam, Bob, it won't be me. The whole system will flatten you. I've retired. I'm a junkie gambler now. A big loser. That's all. - Name the best thief that ever lived. - Bob? No. Pablo Picasso. The cat stole from everybody: Rubens, Delacroix, Cézanne, Van Gogh, Matisse. - Never got caught. I met him once. - I'm impressed. A bullfight. I bet on the bull, he bet on the matador. The matador got 26 stitches. I got a painting. - Still have it. - Then you're flush! No, no, no. I'm broke. That never sells. "Portrait of Jacqueline." Looked like her. Just in from Moscow, huh? Why don't you arrest her now? Get it over with. - Get what over with? - The whole dreary cycle. She'll work the streets. For her troubles, she'll end up in the river with a needle in her arm. - Go on, be a good cop. - All I see is a girl on a motorbike. Frisk them. You'll find a passport. - There's a thing called the law. I don't see it being broken. - Use your imagination. You're looking for a replacement for Lydia? - Stick to your cards, Bob. - Who's Lydia? Lydia's in the hospital. She's been there quite a while. - I said, stick to your game, okay? - Yes, my game. Problem with my game is luck can fall both ways. Whereas, with your game, luck doesn't enter into it. What's his game, Monsieur Bob? It's as old as mine, but he plays with girls from the sticks... and the odds are all his his favor. - I haven't had a hand like that since... - What? Since when? - You fucking loser. - Bosnia. - I don't need a guardian. - No? - Maybe you do. So, is that just bad makeup? Oh, you got a thing about eyes. Only when they're lucky. So you protect the honor of widows and orphans, huh? Oh, you're not backward for your age. Night school. He wasn't my pimp. Oh, no? So what was he doing with your passport? - Okay. Five hundred on the corner pocket. - Sure, Bob. - Why do you call me Bob? - Because you try to imitate him. - Imitate that. - Yvonne, turn that shit off and give us some french fries. Paulo, Raoul. Anne. - You want to shoot some pool? - Not now. She looks hungry. Oh, let me show her to a table. - Smoking or not? - Smoking. Your dinner date is old enough to be your father. - You should try someone younger. - I just left someone younger. - Oh, why? - He didn't live up to my ideal of manhood. - But you haven't met me. Do you always sleep alone? - Nearly always. When she's not hanging out at 5:00 in the morning eating french fries. - With mayonnaise. - Are you from Bosnia? - So that's what it's called now. - What brought you here? Mayonnaise. - 10:00. We're supposed to be at the bodega. - Yeah. - See you again. - Why not? Don't go giving that to strange men. You arranged that fight so you could pick his pocket? You're a clever guy. I'm a knight in shining armor. - Yvonne, the bill. - 38 francs. - What are we doing? - We? It's late. - Bedtime. - Your place? - Have you any dough on you? - Loads. Thirty francs. Thirty francs? Here, kid. For your hotel. Good night, kid. I say red, darling. - What do you say? Black. - Hey, you! - Where are you going with that suitcase? - You had enough? - The owner of my hotel has ridiculous principles. She always wants paying. The people you owe money to have always got ridiculous principles. What happened to the money I gave you? - Paid my debts. I owe Remi. - What debts? Oh, I'm sure you do. I won't ask what for. He set me up here, said I could pay him back weekly. - Does he charge interest? - What's that? Never mind. - All your worldly belongings in there? - Yes. - Where will you sleep tonight? - Somewhere. - You want to come to my place? - Yes. Don't worry. You got a home. Get in. You must have a rich family. - I can't complain. - What do you do? - Ministry of Agriculture. - What? Protection of the horse of France. Seriously, I love horses. I'd have sacrificed everything... my time, my money, my life... - Isn't that right, Paulo? - Yeah, that's right. - It brings in money? - Never. Well, I've got to check my horses. - Will you be back late? - Will I be back late, Paulo? - Never before 6:00. - Oh. - I thought that... - What? - What did you think? - You'd stay. No, no. Why don't you tell Paulo what you think? Okay? Hey. Hey. Prince of Orange. Number seven. That's my lucky number. - How much do you want to put on it? - Everything I got left. - 70,000 francs. - Bob, you're crazy. What if you lose? I'll have hit rock-bottom. I'll have to change my ways. - Place it for me. - Do it yourself. Me? Place a bet like that? Never. Prince of Orange. You could do worse. Oh, you know, I'm missing a passport. - And the girl that went with it. - She's just a kid, Remi. - Let her have a life. - I was investing in her future. Girls are unreliable. Horses, now, there's an investment. - Oh, you're going to give me a tip? - Prince of Orange. 8-1. I'd stake my life on it, and let's call it quits. I'm not a betting man, Bob. - But if I was, you know something? - Try it. It's a blast. I have to say you owe me one! - Think it'll make the race? Why does he have so much ice cream? That's all he can eat sometimes. - Ah, heroin. - His lady. I thought luck was his lady. Ah, when one runs out he turns to the other. - Why? - Why? Who knows? Why do I want to kiss your neck? What about Bob? What about Bob? He's given us some space. Oh. But I thought... - Are you sorry? - Okay. - So. Where to, boss? - Home. Don't you want to continue your winning streak? - What happened to home? - Forget about home. You're going to Monte Carlo. - Where in Monte Carlo? - The Casino Riviera. - You see, Bob, I figure you needed a reason for living. - Now that your luck's bottomed out. - That it has. - The Casino Riviera... - Has a safe. - Yeah. - 80 million in cash deposits in a safe on a hydraulic lift. We've been through it already. So has everybody from here to Paris. It's impossible. - Yeah. But that's not it. - Besides, I'm just a gambler now. Oh, since when? - Since my last six convictions. - Ah. Let me start again. The Casino Riviera has been refurbished. New owner. Funded by a Japanese bank. - So? - So they're taking it upmarket. They want to attract a new class of customer. - How do they do that? - Art. - Art? - Paintings. On the walls. - Remember the '80s, Bob? - No. The Japs had so much cash they couldn't spend it. - They bought... Yeah. - Art. Picasso, Modigliani, Cézanne... At prices you can't imagine. So, to recoup their investment, they hang it on the wall of the casino. - And you want to lift... - Fuck the safe! The paintings. Worth more than ten years of Grand Prix. - How? - Oh. Now you're interested. Where's Paulo? - Helping a friend. - Oh. - Better than wallpaper, hmm? - No comparison. - What was that song about Van Gogh? - "Starry, Starry Night." So where is "Starry, Starry Night"? - Maybe in the Guggenheim. But don't be picky. - Let's not be picky. Come over here. - La chambre Picasso. - Oh, that's how it is. Hello, Jacqueline. Huh! - Cézanne. - Yeah. There's only one problem. - What's that? I know. - They're fakes. Good ones. I think another forger. - Modigliani. Beautiful, isn't it? - Yeah. - You want to rob fakes? - No, not exactly. Come outside. - The originals are in there. - Why are they in there? It's a Japanese thing. Protect your investment. Painting in the vault, perfect copy on the wall... - And we crack the vault? - Yes. - Yeah. - And you know the beautiful thing? - What's the beautiful thing? - They can't disclose the robbery... because if they did, the joint closes. Who'd come to see a copy of a Van Gogh? Either somebody just walked over my grave, or I'm going through withdrawal. - Maybe you're excited. - Who tipped you off? A friend of mine. You leaving the best to last? Vladimir. He installed the security system. - You okay? - No, I'm not okay. I'm out of dope, and I'm out of luck, and I'm tempted. But I want to die in an old folks' home, not in a jail. - Well, then, forget about it. - We'll need money, a lot of it. - How do you plan to get it? - I take out a loan. - Pretty good deal. - Fuck that. The interest... We'll get the money, Bob. What we need is a plan. - Don't you have one? - That's your speciality. - You know what my plan is? - You've got one already? No more gambling! No more dope! - Till we pull this off. Of course I'm in. - So, Bob. You're in? - Hey. - Here's the deal. I'm gonna chain myself to that bed. I'm gonna need the bucket, the bedpan... - and some ice cream. - Yes, Bob. I'm sorry, Bob. Oh, Paulo, love means never having to say you're sorry. - You look good for a man of your age. What age is that? You know, Stone Age? - Kinky, as well. I feel a confinement coming on. - What do you say when I ask for that key? - No way. - Thank you. Oh, Jesus. - So you told him? - Why do you think he's sweating it out? - Hi. - Hey! I thought you'd been sent to Algiers. That cop put in a word for me. Thought you were going to blow away. How kind. - Seen Bob? - Why do you want Bob? - I want to thank him. - I'll tell him. He'll be touched. - Give me the key. - No. - Give me the key. I'll do anything you want. - You would fuck me? - If that's what you want, then give me the key. Come and get it, Mr. Stone Age Man. Do you like my tits, Mr. Stone Age Man? - Give me the key! Give me the key. Nearly there, Bob. Nearly there. - Nearly there. - Fuck! I can't. Please, please! You know what, Bob? I think I'm not your type. Hey, kid. Thank you. One day at a time, Bob. - Isn't that what they say? - Yeah. - Said. You prefer Nice to Algiers, huh? - No comparison. If you're playing for time, kid, you don't have any. - I swear to you I'm not. - I'm calling Immigration. - I've got something big! - How big? Bob Montagnet is involved. - Are you fucking with me? You know what that means? - No, just give me time. - It's personal with you. You like Bob! - No, no, everyone likes Bob! - That's part of the problem! - I like Bob too! You are on double-duty 24 hours a day. You find out what he is going to do... before he has a chance to do it, because if I have to book him... I'll carry you personally to Algiers... I'll deliver you in cuffs to whatever fuckin' mullah... wants to chop you into pieces over there. - Is that clear? Is that clear? - Yes. Yes! Shh! He's sleeping. - That's good. - Three and a half days. Out. Out. Why are the French so god-awfully bad at rock 'n' roll? - What do you mean? - I mean, look at it. We give you Elvis Presley, Frank Zappa, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan. And you give us Johnny Hallyday. - Don't talk to me about Johnny Hallyday, okay? - All right, all right. - You know, I'm a gambler, Roger. - Yeah, I know. - That means I'm good at probabilities. - I was never good at those. - Well, I have to be. Having driven now for about one hour and 45 minutes... and having you constantly in my rearview mirror... I'd say the probability is that you're following me. I was keeping an eye on the Russian girl. I end up following you. Really? You're gonna need a tow truck. - It's your fault. - No, no, no, no, no. My mother was born down there. She was washing her sheets in the rocks below... when a parachute fell out of the sky. It carried Vincent Montana, United States Marine Corps, my father. She thought he was an angel, delivered from heaven. Oh, this was a sentimental journey. At our age, Roger, we have behind us a growing past... and face a diminishing future. - We consider our options. - Oh, yeah. What are they? Me? I just go on. We have to stay clean. Will you give me a lift back to Nice? - Will you stop following me? - Uh-uh. Okay. Philippe? Philippe? Make up a report, will you? "One silver Peugeot damaged, near the village of, uh... Bas-sur-I'Eau." Get me the file on Bob. - Bob Montagnet? - Montagnet, Montana. Bob le flambeur. Bob. What's his passport? American or French? Hey. Both. He's growing old, huh? - There's gratitude for you. - He's turned snitch. Of course he has. All part of the plan. - You going to share it with anybody? - Well, we're being watched. Tried to enter Monaco yesterday. Had Roger on my tail. - So you lost him? - No, I didn't get there. Visited my mother's birthplace instead. - Where was she born? - I forget. But as I was lookin' at the place, whatever it's called... - I had an epiphany. - What's an epiphany? - We set up two robberies. Just stay with me. - Huh? This one takes some time. We do it on the night before the Grand Prix. - Are you crazy? - Maybe, but hear me out. Every thief around here has been waiting for years to pull that one off. So I set it up, finally. I know they're watching me. They know I'm down on my luck. - Now, you ever heard of Judas? - There is a snitch. Oh, yeah. Always is. One-time friend. New enemy. Old lover. You're lucky if you find him in time to shut him up. But this time, man, I don't care. Maybe I even cultivate him. - You're not with me. - Not yet. On the night before the Grand Prix, I'm in the casino with you and Paulo. We pose as gamblers. We get an inside contact there. We get the make of the safe, the setup, as complete as it can be. But Roger has every cop, every piece of security in the place watching me. So what do I do? What would you do? - I'd call it off. - Exactly. I'd call it off. But at 5:00 in the morning. In the meanwhile, we have a crew in the villa where the real heist takes place. And they've had six, maybe seven uninterrupted hours to secure those paintings. - Okay. - It's like those paintings. - We've got a real heist, and a fake. - Ah-ha. With the inner complication that we want to be betrayed. Now, let's face it. We generally are. There's always someone turning snitch. This time we welcome the rat, and I let Roger stay glued to my ass like a bad hemorrhoid... I can't get rid of. - Are we having fun yet? - We will be, if it works. Yeah, if it works. We better talk to your Vladimir. - Has he a record, this Vladimir? - Maybe Moscow. - Why'd he come to you? - I think it was, uh, pride. - Pride? - Yeah. You'll see. - Stay back and imagine an invisible square. - I said, stay back and imagine... an invisible, motherfucking square. So? What do you guys think? Well, it's impressive, Vlad. Really. You've got to imagine, 30 meters high, Madison Square Garden. R.E.M. Are ready to bite. We meant your security system, Vlad. - Oh. You're the heist guys. Yeah. We're not the rock 'n' roll guys. Villa St. Pierre. Quite complicated, like this. You know how I was going to call this? "Purple Haze." Yeah, good choice, Vlad. Get back to the security system. How does it work? The way everything works. Mathematics. 180 i-points in vertical. The horizontal the same. That means, the points of contact equal. - 180 squared, that's 32,400. - Very good. But listen. The horizontals and the verticals move against each other. So, in effect, I've covered infinity. If anything moves in there, anything that has body heat more than rigor mortis... - What if the power fails? - Half second delay, the generator kicks in. Have you ever tried to heist in half second? - If the computer fails? - It cannot. There is another hard drive connected, has enough gigabytes to run a cruise missile. - You know cruise missiles? - Yeah. - So it's impregnable? - Yeah. - Hi. I'm Vlad. - Hi. I'm Bob. - This is Paul. - Hi, Paul. - Hi. - So, why'd you contact us, Vlad? - Between you and me? - Yeah. - I got my family back in Vladivostok begging me to get them out. So I got a thinking: The only guy who could crack impregnable system... - is the guy who installed it. - You. Me. The only way Vlad will crack Vlad system is with a Vlad system. - Still with me? - Almost. Villa St. Pierre. I build it here in front of you. - Same dimensions, to the centimeter. I match the movement of the sensors in my set after those in the villa. I get into the system so they read what's here, not what's there. - Oh. - Then there is a problem of sound. - The sound? - You heist guys make a noise, no? Wire mesh built into the walls, floor and the ceiling. Detects noisy, hammering heist guys. The same thing, I build it here. The exact dimension. The alarm rings here... - but noisy heist guys hammering there. - Can you do all this? - I live in hope. Tell you next week. - Oh. How do you plug in to their system? Their system needs upgrading every six months. And my next visit is due Tuesday, next week. I could leave there a beetle. - Beetle? - Sorry. It's the wrong word. A "bug." A miniature fifth column. Takes instructions from you. - And, uh, I need a equal partnership. - Oh. A "favored nation." - It's a deal. - Deal? Yeah. So. How do we pay for this? The son was sold to a devil. Do you know what Einstein said about roulette, Anne? - What? - It can only be beaten by a gambler... with infinite capital, playing in a game without limits for eternity. - So why play? - Einstein didn't believe in luck. - Black. - You're gonna tell me I have to go now, right? - You can't stay here, Anne. Paulo's waiting for you in the car. What if I said no? Well, I think Paulo would be very disappointed. - No. Oh, no, no, no, no. My, my. - Mm. Bob. Oh! He thinks the sun shines out of your eyes. No, he thinks it shines out of yours. And the moon. He imitates you, Bob. He's a good kid. Some girls prefer the real thing. Oh, ho, you think I'm the real thing? You said I'd always have a home. If you choose. He's giving you a job, isn't he? - So he says. - So, what else does he say? "I love you." All the time. Only one solution. Say it back. I can't. I never could. - So, my place? - You promise I won't regret it? I promise. - Yeah, I'd heard the legend. - Pamplona. Pablo bet on the matador... - I bet on the bull. - And the matador got how many stitches? - Twenty-six. - I never believed until now. Amazing. I mean, the place to sell this is New York. No, no, no, no. Can't go back there. I'd heard that too. So, what do you want? - An advance against the salary. You take your commission. - Forty percent. Do we argue that now? No. Not now. So, when can I see it? Milk. Straight up. - You going through your second childhood, Bob? - Twelve steps. I think I'm on two and a half. Chin-chin. - I spoke to Petit Louis. - So? - Is he interested? - Interested enough to talk to you. Good. We'll need Fernandez, Luigi and Bill. - You've turned down Philippe? - Yeah, all the apostles. And here comes one candidate for Judas. So, they let you out, my friend. Yeah. Someone put in a good word for me. I thought it might be you. That cop's a friend of yours, no? - Were there any conditions? - I had to sign up for rehab. - So, you're clean too, huh? - Yeah, I'm clean. But I've got a line on some golden brown. Oh. How are you gonna make ends meet... now that you're not filling up that hole in my arm? - Ciao, Yvonne. - Let's go. - Ciao. - Is Fernandez around? - Why you want Fernandez? Ask him, does he still want pesetas to open that club in Rio? - But it's no good if we can't shoot. - No boom-boom, Louis. This won't be the movies. - You mean, I can't even shoot blanks? - No. - Action.! - Shh! Oh, you look like you kept in shape, Philippe. Yeah. I work out. But you know the way it is. - Time passes, we all change. - Uh-huh, do we ever. Yeah, well, some more than others. - I don't know quite how to put this, Bob. - Tell me anything, Philippe. Okay, it's Philippa now. But if you still want me, I'm in. - Hey, Luigi. - Oui, oui? You know what he used to say: I never borrow, I steal. Well, he was a good thief here. I can see some Ingres. Bit of Velázquez in these eyes. And this neck. Some of those old Etruscan vases they used to... pick up on the beaches at Pompeii. If this is hot, Bob, I'm not touching it. It was a bet. On my child's life. If this is hot, your child won't have a life. I've got too many raps against me already. There's no signature. A lot of'em aren't signed. Here. - Pamplona, 1969. - Mm. - And that's the signature. - Yeah. I'd say, two to three million dollars... at auction in New York. - I take my commission. - Twenty-five. - Are you in a position to bargain? - Thirty then. - With a 10% advance. - One and a half million francs. If there's something you're not telling me, what's my security? There's nothing I'm not telling you. And you have the painting. Does it come with wrapping? Hello, Big Ears. Hello. So, how many of you guys knew Philippe had turned into Philippa? - Well, I knew. - I knew too, Bob. - Yeah? - You mean, you didn't know? - Nobody tells me anything. - Enough about me. Are you going to tell us why we're here? - Yes. - Hello. - Hi. Jack Daniels? The fakes are cover for the real. It travels on the grapevine. The real one stays mum. - Yeah. - How do we keep it mum? We all trust in each other in this room. We've all worked together. Any of you lets a whisper out, I'll lock him in the bathhouse with Philippa. How do they travel on the grapevine? Why do you think I asked to meet here? There is your snitch. See how simple it becomes when you embrace your own Judas? Oh, my God. You did sell your soul. - I had to sell something. - To whom? - Tony Angel. - Tony Angel? - I hope you got a fair price. - I got this. Fernandez. Luigi. Petit Louis. - Philippa. - Hey. Aren't you worried about Philippe? - Why? Should I be? - Since he... You know. Became Philippa. When he had his balls cut off, he lost his balls, so to speak? That's sex discrimination, Paulo. - But women, they talk more! - Does Philippa look like a woman to you? No, he looks like, uh, Philippe... with melons. I'd trust Philippa with my life. I'll tell you what. Tell her if she talks, I'll cut off her cojones. Or did she lose them, too? - What was that about? - You told me to be nice to the patrons. Now you're jealous. That's sweet. - Don't wait up for me. - Now I'm jealous. Where are you going? - I got to meet Bob. - Always meeting Bob. What is it this time? - I could retire on this. - So R.E.M. Took the bait? Oh, fuck rock 'n' roll. You heist guys are easier to deal with. So, what do the heist guys think? - Oh, it's amazing, Vlad. - Almost. A problem if you heist guys get too noisy. All the system still in place. - Over 90 d.B.'s, there is alarm override. So, we mike ourselves. Carry a decibel comp. - Regrettably, the best Vlad can do. - How about the cameras? You could have orgy there. Nobody would notice. - You into orgies, Bob? - No, not since '72. It's a deliberate mistake. I got a good computer graphics. But I'm not Cézanne. I need photographs from the casino... - to fill all these frames. - I need to see that vault. I have an appointment Tuesday to upgrade their system. I can't get you in there, but it doesn't mean you cannot see it. Hey, you! - Tell me you love me. - I can't. You know that. What kind of girl is it cannot say three words? Very tired girl. From a deeply dysfunctional family. - I say it to you! - Nobody asked you to. What do I have to do to get you to say it? Huh? Get me the moon. I'll do better. Suppose I told you I was going to rob the Casino Riviera on the night before the Grand Prix? And all for you. - How much in the safe? - Is that all you can say? That's all. Eighty million francs. So say it. Eighty million francs. - It's Roger. - Are you sure? - Certain. - Aw, shit! - Change of plan? - Yeah. You gotta take the train. - And you take the camera. - You mean this lighter is a camera? It's a Minox. Do you think I was gonna go up there with a Nikon? Take pictures of paintings. Then play slot machines till I get there. - How does it work? - Open it up... look through the viewfinder, give yourself a light. - You like smoking? - Not that much. There's 24 paintings. That's 24 Marlboro Lights, I hope. I was trying to give it up. Roger, I've given up my studies on the probability theory. - Oh, really? - Yeah, all that computation addles the brain. All I can say now is, "What a coincidence!" - No. No coincidence. I was following you. - Hot damn, wrong again. - You found religion? I'm paying my respects... to my mother. - Do you remember that village where she was born? - Yeah. Bas-sur-I'Eau. - Yeah. That G.I. That came out of the sky? - What is your father? Yeah. Well, they moved here, to the old town. He became a junkie. And when he up and left... she became one of those ladies in black you see over there lighting candles. Praying for her husband's return. - Were her prayers answered? - Well, the way all prayers are answered. Not in the way she wanted. He turned up again when I was seven, clean as a whistle... with a new wife named Dora... took me to a new life in America. And, by the time I made it back here, well... - She wasn't lighting candles anymore. - Yeah. You know, that's the third version you've told me. Well, that's the truth. - So is it true what they're saying? - What are they saying? Well, they say you're back in business. - No? - The only business I'm in, Roger... is the business of recovery. Three weeks. I'm clean. Our daily bread, forgive us our trespasses... Have you heard the story of the Good Thief, Roger? - No. I'm not religious. - No. Neither am I. But when my mother told it, I guess it stuck. The Good Thief... beside Jesus on the cross... and Jesus said to him, if I remember this right... "Tonight you will be with me in paradise." And the thought that there was a place in heaven for a thief always made me cry. You want to make me cry now? You gotta watch this cynicism, Roger. It's too easy in that job of yours. - I'll work on my attitude. - You should. You should. Bob. You saved my life, but if you try something... - Try what? - Do I have to spell it out? I'll put you down for life. - You're a cop. That's what you do. - What are you? I was good at thieving once, Roger, and I may not be the Good Thief yet... but I am trying... believe me, I am trying. Now if you excuse me. I have to pay my respects. She was a good woman. My mother. What do you know? It's the Candy Man. - Is that my new name? - Yeah. Got a kiss for me this fine evening? Yeah, sure. Your boyfriend Paulo... what's he up to? - Works with Bob. - On what? - Doesn't tell me. - What's he working on, baby? That surprise. - On a safe. - What safe? Give me first. A safe with 80 million. That's all I know. Got a light? That's it. I'm giving up smoking. - Do you know nicotine's more addictive than heroin? - Really? Ask any junkie. - Are you done? - Mm-hmm. - Anyone clock you? - I don't think so. Guy with short hair with the ear piece. Do you notice him? - Huh? Well, he noticed me. - Yeah. Come on. - You want to see the vault? - Yeah. I do my regular check on their system. I plant my beetle. Meanwhile, you enjoy the view. - From where? - From the car behind. A reasonable picture, up to 100 meters. Then it gets emotional. - Emotional? - Kind of fuzzy. - Oh, emotional. - He has some kind of fancy system. - Yes. - And there is nothing in that vault? - Oh. I got a fine assist, I guess we'll soon find out. Bon soir, monsieur. - Plans of the villa. - Where did you get them? - Architectural Heritage Society. Very helpful. Security room, basement. Don't you guys know me by now? - Procedure is procedure. - Oh! Procedure is procedure. Sounds like a techno band from Dusseldorf. - Oh. - Wow! No fantasist he. Good. Could you... - Thank you. - Guess what that is. - What? - The old Napoleonic sewers. They run downhill towards the sea. That's our way in. Turn that off. We can watch it later. Come on. Do you think I'm blind or something... that I haven't noticed what you're up to? - Yvonne... - Men coming here to see you, phone calls, everything. You're crazy. Bob, I haven't forgotten that I opened this bar... with money you lent me. - So, if you need money now... - You're mad, Yvonne. What put that idea in your head? If you get yourself arrested, you wouldn't survive, you bastard. Would you come and visit me inside, bring me whiskey in a flask? - It wouldn't be the first time. - Do you know him? No. Never saw him before. Why do I imagine I have? - Ciao. - Take care. Turn around. Follow me. - What's up? - Behind me. You remember him? Philippa, hop in that doorway and find out what his beef is. - What the hell? - Oh. You think he whacked Philippa? Nobody whacks Philippa. You're twins, right? We're onto you. Whoa, whoa. What the fuck do you think you're doin'? - Get off! - Philippa! Stop! Stop! Stop! - My arms are getting tired. - Phil, be a bit more gentlemanly. This is Albert. That's Bertram you're abusing. They're twins. This is Albert. That's Bertram you're abusing. They're twins. Now, say you're sorry. - Sorry, Albert. - The name's Bert. Let's go through it again. This time pretend I'm slow. - Slow? - Yeah, it means stupid, um, kind of. - It's simplicity itself. - He's in charge of the deposits to the safe. They change the combinations weekly. - I get the numbers. I make the deposits. - He gives me the combinations. The night before the Grand Prix, while he's in the manager's office, I'm on the floor. - The staff take me for him. - He has access to the safe, and my alibi is solid as a rock. I see. You've put a lot of thinking into this. Two heads are better than one. - So, what was your plan? - Nothing like yours. - Infantile in comparison. - We need help to move that kind of money. So, if you want in... - No one's ever seen you together. - No one in Monte Carlo. - Give us a day or two to think about it. Right, Paulo? - Or three. You go out the back. You go out the front. - Crazy, boss, huh? - Totally. But, you know, we want them to think we want that safe. Twins. You see Roger's following that? How's he gonna know they're twins? Tell you what. Call him in a day or two. Go through their plan again. - It has the benefit of originality. - We've got that meeting. Yeah. You go out the back. I'll go out the front. Try to lose Roger. Start without me if you have to. Would you drive me, Roger? I have a meeting. I'm attending Narcotics Anonymous. That was your support group up there? - Yeah. You're welcome to join me. You should support me in my battle against my addictions. Your addictions being... Gambling and narcotics. Okay, guys, imagine this is a vault. All the alarms will be... coming in from here... And reinforced steel floor... - You know, every addict, Roger, has an enabler. - Nobody tells me anything. The one who, through no fault of their own, maintains the addict in their habit. - Often needs the addict in their habit. - Let me guess. Your enabler is... - Is you. We're codependents, Roger. We have been for years. I mean, look at you, now. You're chasin' me, because you imagine that I'm chasin' a big score. - And maybe the cure starts with you. - The cure? - Yeah, because deep down you want me to try that big one... if only to see how I'd do it. There's nothing I can do that'll convince you that I'm clean. It's unhealthy, Roger. - It means we're both hooked. - Running through a tunnel... between the ceiling and the floor... Bill packs these mikes... Make sure you keep that needle below 90. Right, Vlad? You wanna come up? We can explore these issues further. - I haven't hit rock bottom yet. - You will. - Are you sure? - The cure starts now. Say it. - Say what? - "My name is Roger. I'm an addict in recovery." - No, no. You say it. - My name is Bob, and I'm an addict in recovery. And today is the first day of the rest of my life. My name is Michelle, and I am an addict. Hello, Michelle. My name is Anne, and I am an addict. - Hello, Anne. - My name is Case. - I am an addict. - Hello, Case. - My name is Bob, and I'm an addict. - Hello, Bob. My name is François, and I'm an addict. Hello, François. Paulo replaces the grill and joins Bob and me in the casino. We keep them busy there. And... no smoking. Okay, guys: Mikes, needle, gas main, grill and casino, eh? - And that's how it works in theory. - Yeah, in theory. We rehearse this on Friday. Did you explain everything? - Yeah, yeah. - Well, we're gonna go in there at night, all right? Everybody understand that? So, Remi, have I gone up in the world, or come down? From my perspective, you're kind of standing still. You can't move standing still? I think you should value yourself more highly. Think he's right, Said? - Depends. - Depends on what? - On what you're selling. - Damaged goods. That's me. Would you prefer to discuss this in private? Private? I like private. Come on, guys. Come on. Location, the safe, the 80 million francs. - And why should I tell you? - Because I'll give you pleasant dreams. - Hmm. - Look at this. Paulo. Philippa. - Gas faucet. - Right. Twist it left till it stops. Okay, boss. Aaah! Hey... They're gonna rob... Bank of America, fourth of July. - Don't make fun of me, you bitch! - Learn maturity from the dogs in the street? I know it's the casino where they are, okay? The night before the Grand Prix in Monte Carlo. Now, fuck off. - Chill it.! - What? Anne? How are you? - Okay. - How are you? - Good. - You okay? - Here. - Are you certain? - Yeah. - It's my bag. I think it's lonely. - I miss you too. So, Vlad, that alarms aren't mobilized? You still don't believe me? - What time is it, Raoul? - Uh, 2:45. 2:45. Okay. Here goes. - A lovely kid like you shouldn't be in a nightclub, you know? You want me on the streets? Anne, you don't look 14. We both know that. - For you? - For both of us. I must be made of gold, then. Everybody wants a piece of me. Okay, let's go. You should get some fresh air. Come on. Yeah. All right. Two feet of brick. Keep the sound at sixty d.B. Should take? - No. Two more is max. - All right. Let's get the torch ready. - Maybe I should melt myself down... - Maybe I should melt myself down... and give a piece of me to everyone who wants a piece of me. Who wants a piece of you? - Paulo for one. - Oh. And what does he want? - He wants to buy me the moon. - Oh? - The moon. - Mmm. - Moon's very expensive, you know. - And how would he pay for it? - The heist. - Oh, yes. Of course. The heist. Who else? Said. - He wants to know what I know about the heist. - Oh. What do you know? Mm, well, what I know I didn't tell him. - That's my clever girl. And Monsieur Bob, he doesn't want money. He wants what money can't buy. What can't money buy? Beauty. - You are being mysterious now. - Hmm. Isn't beauty always mysterious? - Like you. - Hmm. - I'm tired, Remi. Will you take me home? - Of course. Of course. - Can you keep a secret, Paulo? - Depends. After the operation, everything was the same. - Everything? - Ja. I bench press 400 pounds... - I'm still the same bad motherfucker, except for... - Except for what? - Spiders. Can't take spiders. - Spiders? - And there's spiders round that faucet, Paulo. - Uh-huh. Can you do the faucet, Paulo? - Yeah. I'll... I'll do the faucet for you. - And keep it between us, Paulo. I mean, I don't want no laughing. I got a reputation, you know? Here you go. Paulo. - What the fuck is... - I helped your girlfriend home. - You? - Yes. Someone has to look out for her, you know? She was in a bad way, out of her head, telling stories. - Cool. Cool. Cool. - What stories? - Cool. - I said, what fucking stories? - Something about the safe. 80 million... - The quai in Monte Carlo. Who'd she tell? Said. They say they have a deal. When he gets her high, then he fucks her, then... then she tells him what the real story is. It's not true, you lying pig! - Get the fuck out of here. - I swear. I swear... on my tribe's life. Fuck! You'll get me shot, cop, asking to tail like that. - Bob never killed anyone. - Always a first time. You can always take your chances in Algiers. Tell me. The Casino Riviera in Monaco. There's a safe with 80 million francs. - I don't believe you. - Tomorrow night, before the Grand Prix. Said! Said! Said! Said! If you want witnesses, Captain, I saw the whole thing. It was Paulo Turco. Tell me something useful, would you? He was afraid they blow the whistle about the Casino Riviera. - I never thought Bob would be that stupid. - He's not. - He just wants you to think he is. - Hello? - I have this terrible feeling you're going to tell me something. - Yes. - It's not the money. The paintings on the walls! - What paintings? You should call the casino. Bob? What did I do, Bob? Huh? Huh? I don't know, honey. What did you do? Careful. Now, pick your feet up. Fuck.! I fuck it up bad, man. - I'm sorry, I lost it. - What? Your Romeo here just shot your dealer, and we have to know what you told him. - Nothing. - Don't lie, you drunken bitch.! - You told him and you fucked him. You're a tough guy, Paulo? You shoot a strung-out kid. What does that make you, huh? A mean, motherfucking, gang-banging... bastard! - Get out of the car, Anne. Pathetic, fucking cliché! You're gonna keep driving till you reach San Remo, tough guy. - You know where San Remo is? - It's in Italy? You're facing a murder rap, Paulo. That's quite a surprise. I don't want any more surprises. - I'll make it up to you, Bob. - Okay. Make it up to me in Italy. And I'll be grateful, Anne, if you told me what you said. I swear, I told him nothing, but Remi said... Wait. So Remi said something? Mmm. I told him what Paulo told me... about the Monte Carlo, the night before Grand Prix. Paulo told you that? Yeah. He said he'd buy me the moon when you robbed the casino. When we robbed what from the casino? The safe with 80 million. - And that's all Remi told him? - Mm-hmm. He said, "I'll straighten you out." Okay. It's okay, kid. It's okay. It's okay. - Anne... No! Hey, you, fake.! Where's my money? - So, you knew Picasso? - Met him once. Pamplona, wasn't it? He bet on the matador. You bet on the bull. - The matador got how many stitches? - Twenty-six. Well, it can't have been Pablo. It must have been Paddy Picasso, his distant Irish cousin... because I had this canvas valued in New York. - It's not worth the fucking freight charge. It's a fake! - It's a good fake, though. Isn't that a contradiction in terms: "A good fake, a happy homosexual"? It was painted by Paul Keating, one of the truly great fake... - Where did you meet him? - At a betting shop in Croydon. - I gave him a tip on... - Kazinski here is a really great artist. Show him. No.! Not her. Not yet. The picture. So, if I don't... - Get my... money back by Monday... what I do to both your faces will definitely be cubist. Call it the new aesthetic. What do you call it, child? - The new aesthetic - Without an anesthetic. When did I say? - Monday. - Monday. Come on, Kaz. - It's all right. It's okay. - Have you ever tried gambling, Anne? - No. And I never knew Picasso. Well, the thing about Pablo was, no one ever really knew him. Just how much trouble are you in, Bob? If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. Oh, I believe everything you tell me. Tell me about gambling. Do you have any luck left? - I'll tell you tomorrow. - Did you call the casino? - They were closed, but I got you this. - Art. - Yes, they reopened it last year. Doesn't add up. He's going to steal them in full view on the busiest night of the year? - You should get some sleep, boss. I know. I know I should. - What the fuck are you doing? Hey, what's up, guys? Nothing lately. Sorry. Complications. But better late than never. Bertram, you have a place a guy could sleep or is it only twin beds? - I spoke to the casino, and the manager had no worries. He said the originals are quite secure at a different location. - The originals, huh? - Yeah, in a vault at Villa St. Pierre. - The ones in the casino are copies for display. - Oh, my God. It's a fake. Yes, they're all fakes. Pathetic, isn't it? - No, it's beautiful. - The fakes? - Anne. - Hmm. Do you know the first thing to learn about gambling? - What? - Clothes. He or she should always look their best. - And we don't quite make it. - No. So, let's go shopping. What about this? Turn around. Divine. The best disguise in the world: Tuxedo and some gel. Albert, you got some gel? - Gel. - Thank you. Gel is essential when things get complicated. There. - We could almost be triplets. - Hmm. - And do you know the second thing? - Tell me. - Gambling and dope don't mix. - The third? Always play the game to the limit. Damn the consequences. Two teams. Six cars in the trap. I take the villa. You take the casino. - And be diplomatic with those monkeys in Monaco. - What about Bob? You'll find him playing the tables, expecting me to tail him. - Just don't let him leave. - Do I arrest him? For playing roulette? She had a bad end, Mimi. But then tell me an opera that has a happy ending. - She died? - Uh-huh. Anne. You're gonna see fake glamor... serious money, and a lot of bad plastic surgery. But remember, the dice falls the same for all of them. - That's lesson number four? - Five and six. - Hey, where is Paulo? - Paulo shot a snitch and had to run to San Remo. - Do you think he got there, honey? - I sincerely hope so. Nothing we can do, Raoul, but play our parts, and my part was to gamble. So let's gamble. Where the fuck's Paulo? Hey, so just how fucked is it? - Don't know yet. - Do we call it off? - It's too late for that. How do we play this one, Anne? - To the limit, I think? You heard that, Raoul... to the limit. Let's get some chips. - Cover the grounds. Check all the exits. Go, go, go, go! No dead bodies tonight. Do you know what a prime is, Anne? - A number divisible by itself and one. - You remembered. I'm touched. - Don't play them tonight. - Why not? - It's my birthday. I'm not a prime anymore. - - Yes! You broke it, Bob... your losing streak. Lesson number seven, Anne, and don't take it the wrong way. Displays of emotion are kept to a minimum. Thank you. There. There are plainclothes cops all over, but nothing of Roger. - Someone's been singing, Bob. - Yes, but I don't know what tune. I could check out the villa. If I see cops on the gate... If you check out the villa, you'll invite cops to the gate. Your choice, Raoul. - Round she goes. Where she ends, no one knows. - Hmm. I was right, you know... first time I met you. Lucky eyes: One brown, one green. - Should I get contacts? - Mm-mm. Never. Fucking Paulo. Fucking spiders. - We've got infrared sensors reading... every centimeter down there. If a fly buzzes in, the alarm sounds. Seven digital cameras. He'll have gotten round your sensors and gotten round your damn cameras. And the only question is where he's comin' in from. - Let's go downstairs. - I'll have to disarm the system. You're not listening. I think you'll find he's done that for you. - How much do you owe the cubist? - One and a half million francs. - Have you a long way to go, Bob? - Rule number eight. Never tempt fate. We win. - Every Alarm in the building should be screaming by now. That's technology for you... always lets you down. And I bet he can't see us on his monitors upstairs. I think we've got a problem. My God. That doesn't let you down. It would almost have been worth it, Bob. - Who the fuck is Bob? - Shh. Hello. Hello. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Hello. Hello? They're coming from underneath. Check beneath the vault. Call your men from the casino immediately. - Another lesson. - What number is this? Doesn't matter. Always tip. Private rooms. It is not looking good, pal. - Fuck. Fuck! - Aaah! What the fuck? - Ow.! - Can't get through the pipe! - Did you take care of that faucet? - Does it fucking look like it? - The fucking gas! I smell gas. - Get out of here! - That's not quite Bob's style. - What the fuck is Bob's style? Somewhat more elegant. Get in the car! - Where is Philippa? - Fuck Philippa. Go! Fucking spiders. Hey, what's wrong with spiders? Fucking spiders made it all go boom. - Boom, huh? - Boom, fucking boom! What we have is a full house. - We wanna bet 600,000 francs. It pays 10 to one. - Yeah. That's 6 million francs we just won. Take this million francs, put it on the ante, and watch his face. Check all cars in and out of Monte Carlo. They're looking for burned hair and singed eyebrows. I'm going to the casino. - Casinos? - Someone has to tell him he's blown it. That's the manager. Bon soir, monsieur. Last call. - Says who? - It's almost daylight. - Rosy-fingered dawn. - The house must retire. - The house sleepy? Cash, if you please. Large denominations. - And it's getting late. - - The last rule. - What? If you're gonna win big, do it with a girl called Anne. - Okay? - Hmm. - You had a good night, my friend? - Exceptional. And you? - Well, exceptional too. I crashed a party. - What kind of a party? Well, a boom-fucking-boom one. I apprehended a transvestite... who had an interest in art and all along... The safe is empty. - I could accept a post-dated check. - Tell him again, will you? - Well, it seems someone cracked the safe. Tell him, hey, of all nights, just my luck. - And I am awaiting legal advice. - How long must we wait? - I have a meeting in Paris. - Shall we speed things up and arrest you now? - Me? On what charges? - Criminal conspiracy. - Criminal conspiracy can be hard to prove. - Impossible in my case. I've been here all evening. Look at that crowd. All witnesses to my presence. My behavior? Impeccable, I would say. And to my luck, there hasn't been a run of luck like that in Monte Carlo... since Joseph Jaggers broke the bank in 1872. - 1873, sir. - There's one way, of course, the management could avoid paying. - What are you implying, sir? - It's unthinkable that a casino would empty its own safe. - Its reputation... - Its reputation is without peer. - And your implication is beneath contempt. - As I said, unthinkable. - We will insist on a full investigation. - You certainly should. I mean, I would if I was in your situation. - Would you kindly put a "zock" in it, sir? - A "zock"? Put "zit" in this mouth of yours. Oh, you mean I should retire with my winnings and keep my mouth shut? - I mean shut the fuck up. - Mmm. Anne? - Wow! - Ah, fuck! - Yes! Yes! So, tell me again. Which twin are you? - The identical one. - And which share do you get? - He gets mine. I get his. Do you always share this way? - Sharin' means caring'. - Okay, okay! - Hey, you won, you lunatic. It's not about winning, Roger. It's about attitude. Win or lose, you gotta do 'em both with grace. - You learn that in recovery? - Change the things you can. Accept the things you can't. And learn the wisdom to know the difference. Ah, so, what's the difference between a run of luck and a casino heist? Then again, Roger, there are some eventualities... that recovery doesn't prepare you for. No. No, no. No difference, Bob. - Very little, if you think about it. - Well... there'll be an investigation, and I'll have to insist you stay in France. - I'll never leave France. - It could take some time. - You'll have to talk to my lawyer. - Who's your lawyer? Have you any suggestions? I have a friend of yours in custody who'll need the best that money can buy. I'd be careful, Roger. With this much money she could sue you for damages. Mm-hmm? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You made it up to me. Now, get off the phone. Yeah. - You don't want to talk to Paulo, right? - No. - Tell him he doesn't live up to my ideal of manhood. - Is there anyone who does? - Yeah. - Who? - My father. - Oh. He was a circus strong man. He used to hang my mother from a high wire, suspended from his teeth. - Then one day his teeth broke. - And? She got two false legs, and he got two false teeth. You're bullshitting me. - You sure? Yes. You know, my mother was a rodeo queen, and she used to wrangle bulls... What's up - I come to sit in. You gonna help me with my losing streak? - It's not possible, Bob. - Maybe not, but you could give me the illusion. The illusion. I've got plenty of that. So how much does illusion cost? - The usual. - Got a prime here, Said. Should I stick with it? - What's a prime? - Special number. Divisible by itself and one. - You're a mathematician, Bob? - Yeah. Chaos theory. - How much? I don't know. - Two hundred? - Want to gamble? - You'd only lose. - You spying' on me, kid? - No. - I work here. - Since when? - Since last week. - You're too young to work here. - That's not what Remi says. - Oh, I'm sure it's not. Besides, you're too old to do that. You're right. We're both lost souls. - What age are you, kid? - Seventeen. Seventeen? Well, what do you know? A prime. What's a prime? Special number, divisible by one and itself. Strange thing about primes is, the further you get from ze-- - Hey, kid. Hey. Hey. - Hmm? Will you shut that door for me, please? - Lesson over? - For now. He said he's taking you with him. If he lets you book him... they'll deport him to Algeria. And he'd last two days. He might as well die here as there. He's gonna count to three. If they don't drop those guns... - he's gonna blow your head off. He said, "One. Two. Three.!" You know, I swore I'd never share a needle. - Why'd you do it? - I thought you'd put a word in for him. - Keep him in France. What would he get? - Possession with intent. - Five years. - And for murdering a police officer? - Throw away the key. - There you go. That's why. - You didn't do it for me, then, huh? - You? Fuck you. You're my worst nightmare. My bad angel. How many times have you booked me? I forget. But once more and they throw away your key. - Don't let it happen. - Thanks for the lesson, schoolteacher. I'm clean. You try a new scam, Bob, it won't be me. The whole system will flatten you. I've retired. I'm a junkie gambler now. A big loser. That's all. - Name the best thief that ever lived. - Bob? No. Pablo Picasso. The cat stole from everybody: Rubens, Delacroix, Cézanne, Van Gogh, Matisse. - Never got caught. I met him once. - I'm impressed. A bullfight. I bet on the bull, he bet on the matador. The matador got 26 stitches. I got a painting. - Still have it. - Then you're flush! No, no, no. I'm broke. That never sells. "Portrait of Jacqueline." Looked like her. Just in from Moscow, huh? Why don't you arrest her now? Get it over with. - Get what over with? - The whole dreary cycle. She'll work the streets. For her troubles, she'll end up in the river with a needle in her arm. - Go on, be a good cop. - All I see is a girl on a motorbike. Frisk them. You'll find a passport. - There's a thing called the law. I don't see it being broken. - Use your imagination. You're looking for a replacement for Lydia? - Stick to your cards, Bob. - Who's Lydia? Lydia's in the hospital. She's been there quite a while. - I said, stick to your game, okay? - Yes, my game. Problem with my game is luck can fall both ways. Whereas, with your game, luck doesn't enter into it. What's his game, Monsieur Bob? It's as old as mine, but he plays with girls from the sticks... and the odds are all his his favor. - I haven't had a hand like that since... - What? Since when? - You fucking loser. - Bosnia. - I don't need a guardian. - No? - Maybe you do. So, is that just bad makeup? Oh, you got a thing about eyes. Only when they're lucky. So you protect the honor of widows and orphans, huh? Oh, you're not backward for your age. Night school. He wasn't my pimp. Oh, no? So what was he doing with your passport? - Okay. Five hundred on the corner pocket. - Sure, Bob. - Why do you call me Bob? - Because you try to imitate him. - Imitate that. - Yvonne, turn that shit off and give us some french fries. Paulo, Raoul. Anne. - You want to shoot some pool? - Not now. She looks hungry. Oh, let me show her to a table. - Smoking or not? - Smoking. Your dinner date is old enough to be your father. - You should try someone younger. - I just left someone younger. - Oh, why? - He didn't live up to my ideal of manhood. - But you haven't met me. Do you always sleep alone? - Nearly always. When she's not hanging out at 5:00 in the morning eating french fries. - With mayonnaise. - Are you from Bosnia? - So that's what it's called now. - What brought you here? Mayonnaise. - 10:00. We're supposed to be at the bodega. - Yeah. - See you again. - Why not? Don't go giving that to strange men. You arranged that fight so you could pick his pocket? You're a clever guy. I'm a knight in shining armor. - Yvonne, the bill. - 38 francs. - What are we doing? - We? It's late. - Bedtime. - Your place? - Have you any dough on you? - Loads. Thirty francs. Thirty francs? Here, kid. For your hotel. Good night, kid. I say red, darling. - What do you say? Black. - Hey, you! - Where are you going with that suitcase? - You had enough? - The owner of my hotel has ridiculous principles. She always wants paying. The people you owe money to have always got ridiculous principles. What happened to the money I gave you? - Paid my debts. I owe Remi. - What debts? Oh, I'm sure you do. I won't ask what for. He set me up here, said I could pay him back weekly. - Does he charge interest? - What's that? Never mind. - Are you brothers? - Yeah. Yes, sir, I know it don't look like it. Let's go. I see a Qantas sign. We need to fly **** as soon as possible. The next available flight is tonight, and that's a direct flight. - Ok. - Two tickets, please. It's 6:15. Ok. The question is is there another one that's earlier than that. - Here's one. - To Hong Kong... **** and that's too dangerous, when we roll through a connector. - Qantas? - Ok. - Good job, dad. - *** Let's just run to an open agent. **** Thank you very much. - Sir, can you give us the same booking? - Absolutely. - Good. - That's yours. - Thank you. - Thank you. - Thank you, sir. - That's the tickets. - Oh, here's one. Cafe pacific. - That arrives 15 minutes earlier. - 15 minutes... - 15 minutes is 15 minutes. - Great. - Let's do this. I'm seeing the earliest arrival is 6:00 in the morning to Tokyo. - Do you guys want to book that one? - Yes. We're basically rolling the dice that we'll get then 10, 15 minutes earlier if things go smooth. I'm starting to think it's worth it. - Or we could be delayed an hour. - That's not going to happen again. Let's look at it. Let's look at it. Let's look at it. - We need every minute. - You want to do the connection? I think we should get this and get in at 6:00 A.M. I feel like, why not? - All right, let's do it. - Can we book these? It makes me nervous taking a connecting flight, but 15 minutes, you know... It has a connection, so it's kind of a calculated risk. If we can have the extra 15 minutes, it will make a big difference for us because we're not the fastest team. I'm hoping we're not making a bad mistake. - *** - Hello. We're trying to see if we can connect to Nerita. - There's only two seats left. - How's hong kong not getting delayed? That time of night, not usually an issue. *** I don't know if this is a smart thing to do. The Globetrotters owed us because we gave them a clue in Manly. *** "I'm between the Devil and the deep blue sea" *** - So they gave us the seats. - **** I didn't really like the connection anyway. If they're delayed, they're in trouble. I feel good about this. - Who's coming? - Hey, guys. - Where have y'all been? - How are you doing? - Did you guys find a different one? - We really have reservations. Ok. See you guys. - They're being really sketchy. - Yeah, it makes me a little nervous. Gary and Mallory asked us what we were doing and it felt awkward. I wanted to tell them, but we've just got to get ahead of other teams. Thanks. It turns out now there's actually five teams that will be on this earlier fight. Kent and Vyxsin, Margie and Luke, Mel and Mike, and Jaime and Cara. And hopefully there won't be any snafus. You never get ahead in this game unless you take a risk now and then. Right. We are on the second flight. We are supposed to arrive at 6:15 going to Tokyo. Raise the roof. We do apologize for this delay. **** **** My dad and I aren't the fastest team on the field, so losing time like this could really be bad. It means we're scrambling against four other teams on against four other teams on this flight. **** We've been sittling here for an hour and we were supposed to arrive earlier than the other flight, but we've been delayed. That makes two big unlucky flights so far. So it looks like it's going to turn into a challenge between the five of us. They said over the loud speakers that we're the number one flight landing in Tokyo. So that is really good news. I'm really excited! **** Got to keep our lead. We're the first flight. - Come on Flight. - Let's go. - Over here. - Yep. Let's go. *** Let's go to the parking garage. - Out this door here. - Let's go, Cord. - Right there. See it? - Yeah. Right here. ***** Teams must now drive themselves to the city of Kamakura. *** They'll have to go to the **** Yabasuma and find their next clue. - Ask for a... - For a car. *** Garage Lieutenant, can I have a car, please? Cool! I've never seen anything like that my whole life. Are there chips in there too? - *** - That's our car. What's the name of the town we're going to? Kammakura. Which one is that? You press this button and I press my button and his car rotated back around and my car was there. - Right here? - Yeah. I was wondering how our car came before theirs. - I've been waiting. - Put your bag in. - *** - Is that it? It's a small one, too, huh? Too small. We're big. Look at him. He looks like Fred Flintstone. - *** You all right? - Yeah, I'm all right. - Our car is right here. - Let's get out of here. Oh yeah! ****** Go, go. Daddy, can you go a little faster? You think I'm doing this Lackadaisicaly? Good grief. **** Come on, Zev! *** All of us were an hour and a half late. It was a dog fight to last. - **** - *** We would like a car. - *** - *** - We're just following you. - That's our car? Ok. - We're going to wait for each other. - Sir, may we have a car, please? - Car? Car? - Kind of crazy. Mike and Mel, you guys are next. No, we've been here for 10 minutes. - *** - Where's our car? - *** - *** They already brought your car down. You should have already gotten into it. - **** - Come on, put your makeup bag in. - Go, go, go. - Ok? - Shut that. Shut it. - *** - You're good. *** - **** - Wrong way. - Don't you dare get in there. We've got to get behind Mike. This is ridiculous. **** They're pretty pushy, but it's not a surprise to me. - **** - Come on, Ferrari. - Come on, Porsche. - ***** - Oh, look at that. - Thank you. - Which way do I go? - Are we going the wrong way? - What do you think? - I don't have a map. We're following y'all. - Do we go straight or make a left? - Can you honk? *** She said left. She told us to go here. We might be screwed because of her ineptitude. **** Don't be rude to her. She helped us. Yeah, she was helpful. My apologies. Kisha! We've got to go the other way. So turn. - Do I have to go down and turn? - I think you go up there. - Excuse me, ma'am. - We guess we're going the right way. There's the shrine, right there. Good job. I think it's inside. Over here. My gosh, look at that. It's just beautiful. We both really enjoy japanese culture, and this gave us another window into how rituals are part of it. Yes! It's a roadblock. In this roadblock, teams will face a rigorous training exercise that will determine whether or not they are truly aerodynamic. Team members must dress as samurai and learn the proper ritual and techniques for shooting a bow and arrow from atop a wooden horse. First they'll observe a demonstration and learn a ritual. They must then perform the ritual in front of a muster. Once they have performed the ritual correctly, they'll be spun on a wooden horse and must hit a target. When their arrow hits the target, the next clue will be revealed. I have faith in you. I think you can do it. Good luck, daddy. This requires precision and I don't have the best eyesight. My daughter has better eyes than I do. - Right there. We've just got to park. - **** - All right, let's go. - All right, let's run. Yeah. That's it. - *** - *** - No. - We've got to find our clue. There it is Mal... All right! - "Who wants to go back a thousand... - Years in time" - I was born a thousand years ago. - Good luck, dad! Let's give it a shot. I'm not coordinated. - This way... Right there! - Read it. Read it. Read it. - Roadblock. - It's you. - Kisha, right here. - Roadblock. - I'll do it. - You got it, dear. All the garments were very beautiful. They put this silk robe on me. Then they put these little then they put these little shoes on. I'm ready to try. Not right. - Do we have to make the noise? - Yeah. *** - I can't read that other one. - We should be headed south. - We're headed east. - I see that. Tokyo is the Times Square of Japan. Look how congested the driving is, crazy, you'd be a nut to try to go at this by yourself. Now he's going to stop and study. We need a better city map to get from here to there, especially with that caravan. Mike and Mel and Kent and Vyxsin are discussing the directions. We're kind of at a standstill right now. Everybody is stopped here looking at maps. - *** - Justin and Zev already went back. - No. - Lord, geez. I just had a hard time. The judges were very, very strict. It was very frustrating. - No, no. - **** Very pretty, actually. But very detail-Oriented. - I'll do it. Wish me luck. - Hey! They're still here. I'm feeling pretty good. We're happy to see that some teams are here. We thought we were way behind. *** - Anyone speak english? - Do you speak english? Stay close to me. **** **** We are the last four people. Mike and Mel said let's just get out of this pack. It's ridiculous all four of us getting there at the same time. That's not really going to work. This is the people we said we were working with. - Cara... - They're gone. *** We're never going to get there. We've been driving around and the signs are in japanese. *** So we're just going to continue to make our way south, looks like. I'm very good at being very detail-Oriented. The order was the stretch... with the bow and arrow on the floor... and then get up on the horse and shoot the arrow. Oh no, come on. "Drive yourself to the..." Teams must now drive themselves to **** look for the Railway Station. Once there, they must locate the Kintaro Statue where they'll find their next clue. - *** - *** Let's do it. I knew it was about paying attention to detail, so I tried to get in the head of, ok, what is it... What does the bow and arrow thing mean. That way I could think it through while I was doing it, as opposed to just memorizing the mechanics of it. Thank you very much. Thank you. **** ***** receive your next clue. - Let's do it. - Let's do it. Good job. - This has got to be it. - It's there, dad. Grab it. Roadblock. "Who wants to go back a thousand years in time?" - I'll take it. - You. - I guess you should. - Ok. I'm doing it. - They yell sometimes, ok? - This outfit feels wonderful. Judging from the skirt and the yellow, I think it's promising. - Hello. - Here we go, baby. Let's do this. - Hey Cord... - Is that it right there? I'm guessing. Holy cow, everybody's here but us. I'll do it. Feeling like a mouse in a freaking maze. I've never driven on this side. You're getting awfully close on the left side to the other cars. Oh, my god. I definitely hit something there and I have to stop for that. Did I hit your mirror? Is it ok? I'm sorry. Can I just give you some money for your mirror? He wants to call the police. I don't know. It's very chaotic here. And the language barrier is very difficult to communicate. We could be here for hours. *** We're done. I'm just frustrated right now. We can't even have a conversation. I just keep hearing hm, yes, hm. We got in a car accident. Jaime took off a guy's side mirror. He chose to call the police rather than just deal with it through insurance. - *** - License. *** I think that he made it a lot more dramatic than it needed to be when it was really just a mirror. Sorry, thank you. *** It's a lot harder than it should be. Excuse me. Do you know how to get us to the expressway? - Yeah. Route 1. - Thank you. We were directed to a funeral home. Sorry, rest in peace. Look for the *** Railway Station. Some tiny little thing. **** *** Justin, there's little statues right there, look. - There we go. - There it is right there. *** I like those kids a lot. Detour. The japanese have included many colorful rituals in their lives. Some have religious significance, others are just for fun. Now teams must take part in one of two ceremonies. *** Purity or frog of luck. In *** purity, teams take part in a **** cleansing ritual... first they must put on traditional wardrobe and learn a prayer that is both vocal and physical. Then they must stand under this cascading water fall coming directly from the snows of the mountain. The temperature of this water is about 45 degrees. And teams will have to stand under this cascading water for one minute to receive their next clue. In frog of luck, first, teams strip down and enter this enormous mud pit. As onlookers pelt them with mud, teams search for a frog, which is a symbol of luck in Japan. When they find one, they must present it to the grand master, who will give them their next clue. Let's do frog of luck. - Which one are y'all going to do? - I think we're going to do frog of luck The Globetrotters. Purity. It might be quicker. - They are so cute. - Let's do prayer of purify. - I agree. - That's it. - Let's do frog of luck. - Frog of luck. - *** - Oh, my God. Good luck. I am shocked that we are still in this. I'm sorry if I smell. We get there and there's still teams here, it's exciting. I don't have the best aim. I'll be honest. You know, I'm from Oklahoma. I shoot a bow and arrow. I feel right at home. Damn it. - There's a red flag. - Oh, beautiful. Right there. *** - Changing rooms here. - Oh boy, this is going to be fun. - What is this? - Come on, dad. - I'm with you. - Are we about to get super dirty? *** Whatever that diaper... It was like we were really skinny sumo wrestlers. Let's find this frog *** for good luck. - I'm going in. Wish me luck. - Go! - Oh, my goodness. - *** I am so dirty. The mud throwing was definitely a surprise. Get me out of this place. Where are my goggles? Oh man. It's Miss America all over again only 50 pounds heavier. - This is a mud pit. - Oh, my God. - It's so gross. - Get on your knees, Zev! I'm gonna die! We're going to perform a japanese purification prayer and fully cleanse our souls, souls, so hopefully that will bring us a lot of peace that is much-needed. Is it here? We've got to go change. **** Thank you. Let's go. - Mom, mom! - A clue box. I think we found it. Detour. Which one? - Frog of luck. - I'm sure it's not easy. *** I'm just a little anxious. I'm sure she is doing a great job. I just hope she's not har borg frustrations. I haven't found the frog yet. It's not my first time in a pit of mud. - **** - Keep going. I got it! *** Thank you very much. *** Teams must now drive to find this monument *** the landing of Commodore Matthew C. Perry. This *** is the pit stop for the leg of this race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated. *** You look like a frog. **** - **** - I got it. No way! Good job! - *** - Thank you! *** You're going to have two redheads coming through and they'll look pretty good in this outfit. Don't worry. *** I was starting to feel like we might have a shot at first place. - *** - *** I was not ready to stop and put on pants. I wanted to just get out of there. *** I'm not wearing any underwear. - Right now? - Yeah. That's hot. It's freezing! It's freezing. I don't do bikinis. It was 30 degrees outside and I was in a diaper. *** I really can't believe we are doing this right now. **** Here's a clue box, it's sitting right there. This is going to be fun. Frog of luck. We're going frog of luck. - Let's do frog of luck. - Ok. *** I think it would be somehow satisfying to beat Jaime and Cara. Congratulations. Hopefully a comeback in the making. The water was absolutely freezing. It was terrible. It was cold. We're definitely used to dunking. And we definitely got dunked. **** **** Come on, let's go. The temperature was cold enough, but... having the intensity of the water fall is like people throwing rocks at you. Let's go. We had a lot of evil spirits, apparently. *** My bag? It was right on this rock. Someone took it. - Did you leave the fanny pack in there? - Yeah. *** I would never leave it by my side. That would not be good to grab the wrong bag. It was right on this rock. It was right on this rock. It was right there. Someone took it. I went to look for my fanny pack and realized it was missing. - This doesn't make any sense. - I know. I saw it physically up there. **** We just have to go. It's not here. So they must have taken it. Why would they make such a stupid mistake like that? I got dirt in places dirt should not be right now. I can't see anything. - Jen! - You got it? Let me see it. Oh, my god. - He needs to be mudded. - Yeah! Go to the next pit stop. Let's go. Why would they do such a stupid thing? What actually happened was the Globetrotters picked up our fanny pack and brought it down to the men's changing room and they did not bring it back up for us. - You just caused a consternation. - Daddy, let's just go. It hurts me. If I guy gets out of his car in his underwear and asks you for direction in the states, you run the other way. They don't even bat an eye. Ok, thanks. I don't think I've talked to strangers in my underwear before. - ***** - Just go straight. I am going to take the charge right now. I saw the sign. - We're not going to waste time. - You think somebody can help? Please keep going. - Let's go. - Oh, my goodness. Sporting those japanese loin cloths, do what we can. *** I'm so freezing cold, I can't feel my body. - Let's go. - *** I kept listening for... - Just try to keep your head down. - Live frogs jump at any time. So you want to stay quiet, stay down. - I got it. - Damn it! The frogs weren't alive. Did you know that? *** This is ridiculous. - Come on. - Oh, my God this is crazy. - Just mud. - Disgusting. **** Come on, dad. Watch it. - Hi. - They're so cute *** - We're doing frog of luck. - *** - Let's be first. - Let's be first. - There he is. - You got the fanny pack? - Yes! - Here we come, Phil! - Come on, baby. - *** Welcome to Japan. - Zev and Justin? - Yes, Phil? - You are team number one. - Yeah! I did just hug you. I have some good news for you guys. As the winners of this leg of the race, you have won a trip *** ****** ***** You can unwind with a soothing massage, and while you are there, your adventures will include cave tubing and rain forest zip lining. - We're in it to win it this time. - Because we're a team. Don't touch me. - *** - I'm searching. Oh, my God, there's so much mud. Tell me if you see it. - Stop it. - It's right there. I see it. - *** - *** Thank you. *** *** Frog of luck it is. And clearly luck has not been on our side today, so funny that it would be a luck task. - Sounds like this is going to be dirty. - **** - We're not prancing around. - *** There's two teams behind us for sure. **** ***** It was cold. Were you cold? No, because I was working really hard. The longer you're in, the colder it got. It was freezing. Are you ok, dad? My muscles will be sore for years, but I'm fine. **** Oh, my gosh. - *** You are team number two. - That's ok! Come on, Big Easy. Flight Time and Big Easy, you are team number three. Way to go, baby. **** We've never been this close to the bottom ever. And just the thought feels dire. We just really wanted this day to end. Just got really miserable out there. And it got colder. At some point it just felt like it was a lost cause. - We've got to stop. - No, let's push it... Dad, I'm serious. I'm afraid for you. I'd rather die here with you than at home in bed. I'm sorry. *** You're team number four. Christina, you don't look so happy. After the detour, the fanny pack was no longer there. The Globetrotters just took it. If it was an innocent mistake, they should have at the very least brought it back up to the mountain because that delayed us significantly. I think what you've just described, I can totally understand why you're feeling upset. So I'm going to give the Globetrotters a 30 minute penalty and that puts you in third place. We like to play the game honestly and if the tables were turned, I'm sure you would do the same thing. - Been a rough day? - Yeah. Better get the strength to keep going because you guys are team number four. It looks like it's right here. I see the arrow. - I can't, dad. I'm done. - *** I'm freezing. It's hard to see your dad like that. *** Jet and Cord, you guys are team number six. Good stuff. - Dad, stop. - Ok, Mike. This has been the toughest day of my life. Let's go search for a lucky frog. Dad, get in the car. We can warm up. I am over the cold. - Is this good for our skin? - *** *** - Oh, my god, I'm still cold. - Good. Kent and Vyxsin, you are team number seven. Oh, my god! Oh, my god! - *** - *** We are freezing. *** This sucks. Margie and Luke, I'm not going to leave you standering here, you are team number eight. - It's freezing. - It's cold. - *** - *** Jaime and Cara found it. - All right, let's go. - That was utterly miserable. **** We were driving convinced that we were eliminated, and it's a weird feeling for us. We've never been in that position before. Jaime and Cara... "We are the last team to arrive and we have been eliminated" You are incorrect. You are still in the race. And you are team number nine. - You guys are still in the race. - *** We're calling this a big, giant lump of panda poo. When a bird poops on you, they call it good luck. It worked out for us, because we are still running. Mel and Mike, after a valiant effort today, I'm sorry to tell you you are the last team to arrive... and that you've both been eliminated from the race. After being able to run it twice, I've realized it's really about this experience I've had with my dad. I'm proud of him. I'm grateful for the experience. I think we were drawn closer together than we've ever been. That's a pretty big gift, too. He knew he was going to lose the race by calling me to get out. He said get out. He cared more about me than he cared about the race. And it felt good. My dad, he will never give up. And that's why sometimes you have to give up for him. - At 80, I'll be back on my walker. - You got it. Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode. Next week on "The Amazing Race" Zev gets hung up in China. - Zev, move your feet, buddy. - I can't find him. - Do not give up. *** - *** Ron comes unglued. ***** We're supposed to be going there! - Hey! - Stop! Please! Stop! And Kent and Vyxsin **** We've been going the wrong way this entire time. Vyxsin, we can't give up. Bye-Bye, "Amazing Race" Lipstick junkie Lipstick junkie Debunked the all in one Debunked the all in one She came back wearing a smile She came back wearing a smile Looking like someone drugged me Looking like someone drugged me That wanted to unplug me That wanted to unplug me No one here is on trial No one here is on trial It's just a turnaround It's just a turnaround And we go, oh And we go, oh Well then we go uh huh huh oh Well then we go uh huh huh oh Tick-tock I want to rock you Tick-tock I want to rock you Like the 80s Like the 80s Cock blocking isn't allowed Cock blocking isn't allowed Tugboat Sheila is into memorabilia Tugboat Sheila is into memorabilia Who said three is a crowd Who said three is a crowd We better get it on the go We better get it on the go Hey now Hey now We've got to make it rain somehow We've got to make it rain somehow She told me to She told me to And showed me what to do And showed me what to do How Maggie makes it in her cloud How Maggie makes it in her cloud I said hey now I said hey now We've got to make it rain somehow We've got to make it rain somehow She told me to She told me to And showed me what to do And showed me what to do She knows how to make it loud She knows how to make it loud Rain dance Maggie Rain dance Maggie Advances to the final Advances to the final Who knew that she had the goods Who knew that she had the goods Little did I know Little did I know Her body was one Her body was one Delicious vinyl Delicious vinyl To your neck of the woods To your neck of the woods I want to lick a little bit I want to lick a little bit Hey now Hey now We've got to make it rain somehow We've got to make it rain somehow She told me to She told me to And showed me what to do And showed me what to do How Maggie makes it in her cloud How Maggie makes it in her cloud We've got the wrong girl We've got the wrong girl But not for long girl But not for long girl It's in the song girl It's in the song girl 'Cause I'll be gone girl 'Cause I'll be gone girl 'Cause I'll be gone girl Hey now Hey now Hey now We've got to make it rain somehow We've got to make it rain somehow She told me to She told me to And showed me what to do And showed me what to do How Maggie makes it in her cloud How Maggie makes it in her cloud I said hey now I said hey now I want to rock this rowdy crowd I want to rock this rowdy crowd She told me to She told me to And showed me what to do And showed me what to do She knows how to make it loud She knows how to make it loud But not for long girl But not for long girl It's in the song girl It's in the song girl 'Cause I'll be gone bye bye bye yeah 'Cause I'll be gone bye bye bye yeah Bye bye bye girl Bye bye bye girl (let da cause in bam bae ram bo...) Bye bye girl Bye bye girl Bye bye girl Bye bye girl Bye bye Bye bye The events and characters in this show have been fictionalized based on history. His Majesty wants to know how Sultan Hatice is. There is not much change. She has a fever and is lying half under. I see. Come and update us before the evening prayer. As you command, Effendi. Where are you off to, Hürrem Hatun? Get out of my way. Stop! -İbrahim. -Stop! Effendi, I told her to stop but she won't listen. All right, let her tell us her problem. You are not my problem. I will tell it to Sultan Süleyman. They took my son from me. Who took him? How is that possible? The Valide Sultan took him. They are lying and saying my milk is poisoned. Hürrem Hatun, be careful what you say. You cannot say such things about the Valide Sultan. The physician said the milk was poisoned. If the physician said so how are we to know better than her? Come on, go back to your chamber. Didn't you understand me, hatun? You cannot go in. There is a meeting going on. You are one of them. An alliance of evil. What did you just say? What did you just say? You protect Mahidevran. Throw me to the wolves. You were behind it all. I know it. You sent my best friend to this chamber! You thought Sultan Süleyman would no longer favour me. You started the fire. I will not burn but you will be burned by that fire. Take her away. Before I do something I will regret. Come on, Hürrem Hatun. -Come on! -Walk! Chief Admiral Pulak Mustafa Agha. You begin. We have supplemented our shipyards with a thousand more workers. They are working day and night to build two hundred new galleys. Allah willing, we will be on the water by spring. We go on campaign in June. Prepare accordingly. Inshallah , Your Majesty. We have sent your edict to the governors and judges in Anatolia. They have begun preparations for the campaign. We are having new cannons cast, Your Majesty. We are prioritizing the darbzen cannons. Darbzen cannons are good, Mustafa Paşa. But don't neglect the bacaluşka cannons. They have good range. The walls of the Castle of Rhodes are not like those of Belgrade. They say they are twice as strong. We have begun conscripting 40 thousand rowers and 20 thousand Azeb soldiers in Rumelia and Anatolia. Good. There is trouble in the East with Dulkadır. What trouble could there be, Ferhat Paşa? You have not managed to make your peace with Dulkadır. Your Majesty, let me explain. Dulkadiroğlu Ali Bey is in contact with the Mamluks in Egypt. He has been vocal about not sending us soldiers from Maraş Sivas and Elbistan for the Rhodes campaign. In that case, Ferhat Paşa gather your men and get rid of the problem. Bring Dulkadiroğlu to his senses. Or bring me his head. Come forward, Piri Reis! Let's have a look at your maps. Pulak Mustafa. He is lying. He is causing strife among us. Dulkadiroğlu Ali Bey is not such a man. Ferhat Paşa has a different agenda. Ahmet Paşa, do not speak without evidence. Çoban Mustafa Paşa, you are to be given the rank of Effendidar . As of now, you are Piri Paşa's right hand. Ferhat Paşa is going East. You are to stay and prepare the army for war. I am honoured, Your Majesty. Your Majesty, the infidel Louis is active again. He is going around the palaces of Europe, saying Sultan Süleyman will not dare to return. His tongue has gotten loose. Tell those who brought you this news that I will rip out his tongue that the day is not far off and that I will parade him tongueless throughout the streets. But don't forget or I will have your tongue too. BUDA PALACE If there are hundreds of ships being built in Sultan Süleyman's shipyards we are not his target. It means these ships are going to go to the Mediterranean. I will erase Sultan Süleyman from the face of the earth. Effendi, how are you going to do this? Our people are being governed by the Ottoman Governor... I will enter his palace and stab him through the heart. The time has come, Victoria. I will end your holy mourning. Victor, get up. We have arrived. Are they going to pick you up here? Crack ten quail eggs for me too. And give me some of that cured meat in the larder so my tummy rejoices. Sümbül Agha, I barely collected 30 quail eggs. We must save them for His Majesty. There is nothing left in the larder! The quails aren't laying anymore. Give over... What is it, Boncuk? Sümbül Agha, it's my day off. I'm going to the bazaar. Is there anything you need? When you are at the bazaar, go to the Bulgarian and have our goods loaded. All right, I will handle it. I am to see any presents you bring back from the bazaar merchants to Şeker Agha. As you command, Sümbül Agha. Allah! What presents, Sümbül Agha? They send small things for me to taste. That's fine. A taste is fine by me. I will taste them too. I have a heart too you know. Allah! My Sultan, what is it? Has something happened? You cannot see His Majesty now. I came to see you, İbrahim. I don't understand. In a minute I will send Sultan Hatice to the garden. For her to get some air. You come too. Don't look at me like that, I know everything. What do you know? Are you coming or not? Sultan Hatice is looking a bit better today. I hope so, Daye. I am thinking of her. It has been many days. She still seems pale to me. Sultan Mahidevran is not neglecting her. She looks after her all the time. Maybe she is confiding in her. Maybe she is sharing whatever is troubling her. Let's go back. I don't feel up to it. Breathe in this clean air. I have had cherry syrup prepared. Sit here, I am going to go and get it. I don't want any. I don't want anything. My Sultan. You were trapped beneath the snow. I couldn't get to you. May Allah never send me another night like that. So you saw me. I don't remember, I must have fainted. I am all right now. The sun shines again today. But I will be trapped in my chamber again. I have heard that you are not trying to recover. Who am I to recover for? For me, my Sultan. For us. My mother believes that Mustafa's tutor, Çelebi Mehmet is suitable. My Sultan. Once I am back safely from the Rhodes campaign I will find a way. Trust me. Don't cry. Don't let a lifetime of tears fill this bottle. I promise you, I will never make you cry. I will always make you smile. It is a great sin, Nigar Kalfa. To separate a mother from her son. You come and see your son whenever you like. He is very healthy. The wet nurse's milk has been beneficial. A mother should give her milk. Look, my breast is now empty. There is no milk without my son. What is this? -What are these? -Don't worry. They are good luck charms. It's traditional. They bring good luck and protect the child from the evil eye. There are prayers written inside them. What if there are not good prayers but bad ones inside? How can that be? There are good prayers inside. Who wrote these prayers? The Valide? A hatun wrote these prayers. Have her write prayers for me too. Don't you want to go? Should we speak to Daye Hatun? You haven't yet recovered. Gülnihal, are you ready? Sümbül Agha, have mercy. She is not up to going anywhere or serving anyone. I can see that, I am not blind! Allah give me patience. But what can I do? How can I keep her here? Hürrem Hatun is requesting her. Gülnihal Hatun. Don't do that. Don't cry. It burns my soul. I promise you, I will treat your wounds. Get up, sleepyhead! These goods need to be moved. We need to be done by the noon prayer. Come and help me carry them. No! I am not going to carry them. What do you mean you won't carry them? We have a lot to move. Hurry up! You don't get to pick and choose. Come on. Gülnihal. You have come. I have come. Your wounds are bad. My wounds are on my face. My face is now ugly. But your heart is ugly. Look at me. Look. See yourself. Cover your face. Don't scare the Prince. Look here. Are you Victor? I am Boncuk. Boncuk the halberdier. -Come with me. -Hey, hey, hey! Where are you taking him? What's going on? -What is it to you? -He has work to do. He has to work! That's enough! Allah! Hit him! Stop him! He's getting away! Catch him! We thought you had gotten lost Matrakçı! Thank Allah for sending you. Where have you been? I became a traveller and wandered the realm, Cemal Agha. Stay safe. Get away! Brother. We are ready for the meeting, Your Majesty. Pargalı, is there no news from Matrakçı yet? -Has he settled in Rhodes? -He should have arrived by now. I will go and see this evening. I wonder what he will return with. Hürrem Hatun. Look who I have brought. Who is it? The charm maker. The hatun who writes prayers. Show her in immediately. Write me a prayer for happiness, health love and gold. -You want all of them? -I must have them all. Give me their secrets. Do you want anything for this concubine? A prayer to heal her wounds? No, she doesn't want anything. Write it for me. Read the words inside to me. They are not words, they are kalam , Hürrem Hatun. It is hard to write kalam . I just write prayers. How much gold do you want? Whatever you deem appropriate. I have lots of gold. But first, write them for me. What do you want most? I have work to do. Find me in the courtyard when you leave. May His Majesty have eyes for no one but me. I must be wherever he turns his eyes. My son, Prince Mehmet is to be the Padişa. And I the Valide Sultan. What are you saying? I don't understand. There was a kalam spoken by His Holiness Ali. Tell me. Greed is a fate that can only be buried by the earth. I want the spells today. At once. Don't call them spells. Don't sin. I am going to write prayers. You have to wait, I won't be done today. When will I have them? Be patient, you will have them when they are done. Give me back the pouch. You can have it when I get the charm. Don't let a lifetime of tears fill this bottle. It will pass, my Sultan. Your sorrow will pass. Better days will come. It won't pass, Gülfem. This ache will remain in my heart until I die. Piri Reis, your maps will be our primary guides. I have heard that Kurdoğlu Müslihüddin Reis roams the Mediterranean with these maps as if he was in his own back yard. You honour me, Your Majesty. Last spring I set out from Gallipoli with my own meagre galley. For four months I went down the coasts of the Mediterranean again. These maps are the most recent maps. I have made some corrections. These are more accurate. We should give these to Pulak Mustafa Agha. They should be distributed to the fleet. -You have produced great works, Reis. -Thank you. Piri Reis, I would like to be on your galley on campaign. Teach me this art. I now understand that without a map there is no path. We shall see what you have understood on the way to Rhodes, Ahmet Paşa. Ferhat Paşa. Are you not interested in maps? Ferhat Paşa has focused his gaze on Maraş, Elbistan and on Dulkadiroğlu Ali, Your Majesty. He won't easily shift his gaze to the Mediterranean. He's focused his gaze but he hasn't finished the preparations for the march. Your Majesty. Hopefully I will set out this week after the Friday Parade. Piri Paşa has only given me two thousand janissaries. It is more than enough, Your Majesty. We don't even know what the situation of the rebellion is. Piri Paşa, do my words have no merit? Ferhat Paşa. We have a lot to prepare for Rhodes. That is why I assigned you two thousand warriors. But of course I know there is no smoke without fire. Come here, aristocrat. Allah! Allah! What is this? Are the charms ready? I don't know. I haven't heard. His Majesty's eye will always look to me. I will put them on every dress. Every pillow, every blanket. They will protect me from all evil. Anyone who plots evil things against me will be confounded. Yeah. Piri Paşa, I have met your son, Çelebi Mehmet. He is a well raised boy. The path he has chosen and the future he dreams of has impressed me. I hope he is worthy of your praise. A bright future awaits Çelebi Mehmet, Piri Paşa. Your Majesty, the Venetian Ambassador requests an audience. Show him in. Signor Mocenigo asks permission to present his gifts to you. Slowly, carefully. These are glass tulips from the Venetian palace. As they don't grow in Venice, we have crafted this Ottoman flower from glass and would like to present it to you. They are very elegant. Delicate and fragile. İbrahim. Present the Ambassador some of the bulbs from the tulips in the main garden. He can take them to his homeland. May Ottoman tulips grow rampant throughout Venice. Your Majesty, for many years it was forbidden to take tulip bulbs out of our lands. There can be no ban on sharing beauty. I have lifted the ban. Piri Paşa, see to it. When we go to Venice we will bring back whatever we like. It would be a great honour to host you at the Palace of Venice. We will prepare for your visit immediately. I will come. But not merely to see. I will come to take. Translate, İbrahim. Apparently King Louis is vowing revenge. He says that he will stab the Sultan in the heart. Tell that fool if he were a flame, he would barely burn a bush. Translate, İbrahim. No! I won't hurt you! Don't be afraid. You fell out of the sky right in front of me and fainted. I brought you here to take care of you. Then I saw that you are a woman. Why are you dressed like a man? -Have you committed a crime? -No! -Are you a runaway? -There are many bad men. There are. -Where's your family? I'll take you to them. -I have no family. They are dead. I have no one. -What is your name? -Victor. Victoria. Victoria. Don't be afraid, Gülnihal. She can't do anything to you. You do your job. You didn't see her, Nigar Kalfa. She spoke as if she had gone insane. Hürrem is fixated on this charm business. Charms won't protect Hürrem Hatun. Only Sultan Süleyman can protect her, Gülnihal. The hatun wanted to write a charm for me but she even prevented that. Look. The hatun wrote this for you. Put this on your underwear and don't take it off. It will protect you from all evil. I haven't seen the Valide Sultan today. She is resting. Perhaps you shouldn't disturb her. All right. Then I will go to Sultan Hatice. Sultan Hatice is also resting. It would be better if you visited her later. The entire royal family is bedridden! They need charms too. What is it Daye? Is there good news? Hürrem Hatun was on her way to see you but I turned her back. I said that you were resting. She said she would see Sultan Hatice. I said that she was resting too. She said that the royal family is bedridden and that you needed charms. You did well. I don't feel like seeing her at all. Hatice's state is going to kill me Daye. I feel so sad. It's not as if she is in love and it's causing her pain. She doesn't see anyone. My Sultan, perhaps she should go to the Edirne Palace or the Bursa Palace. Perhaps a change of air would do her well. If only... She should go if she wants to. I will do whatever she wants. Sultan Hatice. Hürrem. Daye Hatun said that you were resting. She didn't want me to see you. I was worried. No. I am well, mashallah . I know. You are suffering because of love. You don't know Hürrem. No one knows. You don't know what happened. What happened? Tell me. My mother is marrying me off. To İbrahim? No. She deemed Piri Paşa's son appropriate. What about İbrahim? -Who is it? -It's me, İbrahim. Welcome. It is you who is welcome. Are you not going to invite me in? Did you have a guest? I did. But he's gone. It seems that your guest hasn't left, Matrakçı. It must be a cat. Forget it. A cat? Come here, pussycat. My Sultan Süleyman is coming to see me. Don't uncover your face. Who is the veiled one? Don't you recognise her? -It is Gülnihal, my Sultan. -Gülnihal? I didn't recognise her. Why the veil? She has spots on her face. Wounds. Where is my son? My Mehmet, I want to see him. The Valide took my son from me. She gave him to a wet nurse. Apparently my milk is poison to my son. Gülnihal. I want to see my son. Tell them to bring him. Poor Gülnihal. Her beauty. Her youth. Sultan Süleyman entered her chamber. She must be using her wiles on His Majesty. She fell from the sky into your lap? Is that so? I see. But how is she to stay here? Who will look after her? Apparently she has relatives. She's here to look for them. She can stay with them if she finds them. We are going to Rhodes anyway. What if she doesn't find them? I would hope for your help, İbrahim. Victoria. İbrahim is the right hand man of Sultan Süleyman. If he can't help then no one can. My son is fair of face like his mother. Happy. You are the source of our happiness, Your Majesty. Without you, there is no happiness. If only Sultan Hatice was happy too. If only she smiled. Is Hatice not well? I looked in on her again today. She looked pale. Sultan Hatice is a young and beautiful hatun. But it's sad that her heart is empty. She is widowed. Soon my Hatice will smile. She will make a good match. What is a match? It means marriage. Keep it between us. I have a perfect groom candidate. All right. Don't tell me. But does İbrahim know? You summoned me? Sümbül Agha, you are to take this boy into the harem look after him and make him well. How can I take a young man into the harem, Effendi? They will cut off my head! It is forbidden! You can take him, Sümbül Agha. Who will ever question you? Are you not the Agha of this harem? There is Daye Hatun and the Valide Sultan. If they see him, I will lose my head! Please don't do it, Effendi! He is probably not castrated! He is castrated, Sümbül Agha. Matrakçı. Mashallah ! It's a woman. Mashallah . Your Majesty, Matrakçı Nasuh Effendi requests an audience. Show him in. It took you long to return from Rhodes, Matrakçı. What have you brought me? Show me. Your Majesty. Rhodes is a very large island. It is a well defended island. Our fleet will be powerful at sea. But the sappers will win us this war. The castle is surrounded by deep trenches. Well then... I am the owner of this place. -Was your name Victoria? -Yes. Listen. You will do whatever I tell you to do. There will be no bickering with the concubines, gossiping or skiving off work. You will keep quiet so we can make you better without anything bad happening. Let's have your arm looked at so you aren't crippled. Come. -You summoned me, Sümbül Agha? -I have something to entrust you with. We need allies within the castle. We have them, Your Majesty. I am in contact with the Jewish physician Solomon and the knight Andre. In addition, the group of merchants we sent there showed us where the sappers need to dig. Our brave men set up stalls in the Rhodes bazaar for three months. They buy and sell goods. They have even bought properties. Just like our Venetian ambassador. They gather news and report. Good. I could almost hear your noise in the courtyard! Be quiet! Ayşe, come here. Yes? Look, this is Victoria. Get to know each other. She will be staying with you. I don't want her. Find her somewhere else. I can't take a rookie. She will stay with you. She will serve you. Do you understand, Ayşe Hatun? She is to be your concubine. Finally, you remembered that I am a favourite. All right, she can stay. Come on. Wash up and come to my chamber nice and clean. The time has come, Victoria. I will end your holy mourning. I will take my revenge. I swear in your presence. The events and characters in this show have been fictionalized by history Episode 17 My Hatice Hürrem, welcome What are you talking about? How will you take Hürrem's life? As long as you want it my Sultana I will find a way Don't interfere in things you can't do I don't want it Do you understand? My Sultana... Enough, shut up! My pain is enough for me I don't want you to cause me more troubles I hope it is good Very good news, my Majesty I wanted to tell you the good news myself I'm pregnant again Prince is on the way My Hürrem You make me happy, I hope God will make you too Alexandra Don't forget to subscribe to our youtube channel :) Leo, Leo! Do you wish to die, man? My Majesty, please accept my congratulations Thanks, İbrahim I hope God will grant you and Hatice fortunate children too I hope God will grant us a son I hope so, Hürrem Daye, keep an eye on Mahidevran She should be miserable now She shouldn't do anything mad Don't you worry my Sultana I'll take care of it My Sultana Forgive me, I'd like to tell you something Did something happen? What is it? Tell me My Sultana... I'm very sad You are a supreme Sultana It is very hard to be leaving your service Thanks to you Don't be sad, Sadıka I'm glad to have you I'm very glad of your respect and care But I'm also happy that you are going with Hatice Sultana I won't have to be worried I'm sure you'll serve my Hatice well too My Majesty, should they be waiting for the painting? No, they can come later Who are they? Ibrahim met a talented artist. He wants me to be portraited He'll hang it in his palace How nice Perhaps he can paint us together, can't he? Let's see How will he paint my portrait Let's see it first My Majesty is busy with his harem Leave now, you'll come later What happened to you? You are pale I worked hard last night I didn't sleep Okay then, go get some rest Come on Matrakçı Pack your stuff Who are these women? They came the day before One of them is Hatice Sultana She's the sister of our Majesty and future wife of Our İbrahim Paşa The other one is Hürrem Sultana Hürrem? Oh she's from your country. She's from Crimea She's daughter of a priest And now she's the woman of supreme Sultan Süleyman Beared him two children The third one is on the way I can't wait anymore. I can't sleep anymore Easy, they'll hear us Not much left to rejoin Our wedding will be magnificent my Sultana The day you've been waiting for's arrived, my Sultana The day you've been dreaming of See, What they are doing for you All the city is entertaining My lion cub, you want to come too ? Yes, father I get very bored among women Don't ever say it near women It is evening, the party has started İbrahim promised to take me Okay my Mustafa, I just have a little work left. Let me finish and we'll go This meeting is like a gift for me I didn't think I'd see you I couldn't go without seeing you the last time, without kissing your blessed hands I'll leave this palace in a while But this seperation will be the last parting I'll be watching our wedding from a distance I'll loko at you afar You won't be able to see me But please feel me I'll always be near you You should know too, That I won't be breathing until the night we lay our head on the same pillow Listen to my heart Hear it It is beating for me It says the happiness is here It is very soon I need to go, my Sultana Paşas are waiting for me at the first court Farewell My love My soul Farewell, my love Paşa his Lordship Farewell to you I hope you'll be happy forever May God bless you, Nigar Kalfa What a talent Welcome, sirrah. Welcome I'm honored Master Nasuh Thank you, I'm praying to God that I'm seeing this happy day It is the single ones' turn now What? Don't look at me like that. I'm fine like this I thought I was fine too but then I fell in the fire of a sea (blue) eyed beauty Long live our Emperor They are comming Long live our Emperor, long live Our Emperor, long live our Emperor Şehzade Mustafa, Nazar değmesin kaşa Prince Mustafa, God save you Do you see Mustafa? They love you very much I love them very much too Prince Mustafa, God save you Attention Sultan Süleyman Khan His Excellence My emperor We have reached this supreme honor because of you You are at my son İbrahim's wedding How can we tell our happiness with my son Niko... I'm very glad, welcome Are you happy with your family? My Emperor How can I say this... We are fishermen Forgive us if there is a mistake, Our prayers are for you, For your family When I look at you I want to call you "Pargalı" Having a twin brother is a grace of Allah, appreciate it Your brother is very important to me My Majesty We have been neglecting the painting since a while But we will continue after the wedding You'll paint me more portraits As you wish my Majesty Are you done with your works here? Only a little left, my Majesty Good Hürrem? Don't be afraid It was a little pain Baby just poked me It is nothing What's this face? You're the Sultana's bridemaid You should be working like a bee, don't stop I'll be leaving the palace, I'm very sad I would be favourite and bear princes as Hürrem Hatun Don't think about these anymore There's no good in being rebellious against fate I'll not see Majesty again Who said that? You'll see him Our İbrahim Paşa is the closest one to our Majesty He'll be going to his palace Will he be? He would but... Don't you daydream Mind your business now What is it? Are you okay? My son never stops He's kicking a lot It gave a hard time to the mother last night too A prince worthy of world is comming Iguess Come on, it is a big day Bridal procession will start How many days has it been? When will the wedding end? Are you bored of the wedding? No But I don't get to see you That's enough Be near me Süleyman, you are leaving again It is very beautiful, is not it? Will my Hatice like it? What do you think? You can gift it to me if she doesn't like I'm in love with that necklace You are my the most precious jewellery My Hatice, my Janoesque daughter You're married now You are married to the Grand Vizier İbrahim Paşa now May God make you happy for all life long My mother... It's my last day at my home today Please don't deprive me from your caressing laps Attention Sultan Süleyman Khan His Excellence My Hatice My precious sister I made a promise to you Today is the day I'm keeping my promise Seeing your happiness fills my heart with joy My Majesty As long as I breathe I'll not take this necklace off I've solemnized your marriage with Sultan Süleyman's sister ,Hatice Sultana, in the presence of groomsman, Ayaz Paşa and our Hatice Sultana's assignee, Mustafa Paşa May Allah make you happy forever I hope it will be blessed It if not worthy of you but... I'll be happy if you accept Perhaps you'll go fishing again And your wires will need a repair You'd remember me Father... Father Your presence, you being near me is the biggest happiness for me This... This will always make me feel who I really am I'll always keep it with me with honor. It will be my luck It has been 9 days How many more days will the wedding last? It is İbrahim Paşa's call Only the bridal procession will leave the palace today Golds are raining to the soil Thousands of hungry people were fed here God give blessings You can't splurge the states' golds like that The treasury would be empty Our emperor would have one more campaign and fulfill the treasury They can't leave the party and battle Shut up you shameless' Was it your father conquering Rhosed and Belgrad? ! You ate and drank. Instead of praying you are gossiping about our Majesty Look at your belly You are shameless Where did you grow this belly? What? ! Are you hearing what you are saying? Shameless insolent Accursed Nothing should be given to you Let me go Impolite! Gülfem My legs are shaking Don't leave me My Sultana just a little bit left Your happiness is waiting for you Ah, what a beautiful day Everyone is happy and joyful Is not it, my Sultana? Hürrem Hatun It is not what you are really thinking You are fake Everyone knows that You can't trap me I know you well Get along well with me, my Sultana. Because it would be for your goodness Err.. Bride.. procession. From where will they be comming? Look, they'll come from this way They'll be passing through here Just wait Okay, thank you Ottoman hasn't seen such a wedding Right, but, They are wasting everything we earnt in Rhodes battle For who? For accepted İbrahim Paşa Not one day, not even two Folks are entertained since 9 days They say it will continue Hürrem, are you okay? Calm down It has been like this It is alright There's still time left for my prince's birth Don't say so You've been saying the same last time You were the sad one in the end I have to. It has to be a son Mahidevran has a single son I should have two Gülnihal... Pray I wish you happiness İbrahim Paşa I wanted to introduce you wedding gift today, but The ship comming from Venice is late Also, I'd like to say you the congratulations wishes of Venice Doge Thank you Also thank you for your gift too I'm ashamed In a few days your dinner set will be arriving Enjoy your dinner set I'd like to have friendship dinners with you on that table Attention Sultan Süleyman Khan His Excellence My Majesty What does Venetian ask for again? He could ask for inappropriate things in your happy wedding day They's here for congratulating, my Majesty They handed me the Venetian Doge's congratulation letter Good Wish you always wear it in good days My Majesty I'm grateful for your great gift Alex Come on, come Where are you my love? Hatice Sultana is very fortunate She's marrying with such a wedding I'll never experience something like this But my daughter Mihrimah will İbrahim and Mahidevran won't be in the palace They'll dissapear The prince is comming! Stop thecarriage. My Sultana is giving a birth Sultan Süleyman Khan His Excellence I'm honored to be at this beautiful wedding for Venetian Republic Please accept our congratulations This clock is specially made for you ordered by the Venetian Doge The time will be passing through your ears when you look at it Deliver my thanks to him But I can't waste time by looking at it I'd like to be running before the time Hold on Hürrem Is not there anybody? Call the physician Where's the midwife? ! Hürrem, hold on. Is there anybody? Hatice, come near me Beyhan, Gülfem Mahidevran, you too Where's Hürrem, Daye? She was right behind us, my Sultana Nigar Kalfa? I didn't see her, I don't know They must be stuck in the crowd Take care of them Hürrem Sultan's carriage went back to the palace How can it be? Who told you that? I have nothing to do with it Nigar Kalfa, have a look immediately Find out what happened urgently and inform me I've called the midwife Hürrem, hold on. She's comming Help me Keep breathing, she'll be here Süleyman, where are you? There is nobody My Majesty Accept my thankfullness for this magnificent wedding Pargalı, You've been waiting for this happiness On one side, my the most precious treasure Hatice On the other side, my bosom friend who saved my life many times It is not even enough Dad I haven't seen Mehmet. He's not here yet How come? Sümbül! My Majesty Why didn't Hürrem Hatun come here? I'll get an information immediately my Majesty, don't you worry My Valide Sultana Wagoner just came, her labor's started. Therefore they had to go back Have her taken care of right now, She shouldn't be alone Nigar Kalfa went there, she'll be taking care of the situation, my Sultana God, you are merciful, help us She shall bear a girl I hope she'll die during the labor! My Sultanas tears may have an end Hold on, hold on Hürrem Sultan? Nigar Kalfa! Noone would know even if I die. Where have you been? ! My Sultana, come on, one last push Push it, come on Say it Tell me Is it a son? Gülnihal? Nigar? My Sultana, You've beared a lion Thank you God The beauty with Beautiful eyebrows and and thin waist May Nasuh be sacrificed for you Was that you? You scared me Move, move, they shouldn't see us Walk, walk Daye? Give us a good news at this happy day Is it over yet? My Sultana... We have got one more prince God, you are great You've granted me double happiness in a single day Nigar, give me my son My Sultana You got the prince in the end You trust me by now Pargalı I have one more son All my subjects should learn about my prince's good news. Fire the cannons! My Majesty, our happiness is doubled now My God bless you and our prince Thanks, Pargalı My Sultana, you have fortunated me once again May God allow you to raise it together and with peace Wonderful Thank you my Valide I hope, Allow will allow you to be with us all the time İbrahim Paşa will be here in a while I should go Don't leave yet, Gülfem Stay a little bit more You've been waiting for this moment since a long time Relax It is time to make yourself and also the Paşa happy Our Valide Sultana is inviting you to the naming ceramony of our prince Will you go? Is not it a pity for you? Will you be obligated to go see that woman? We need to do the traditions in the palace I need to play the game within it's rules I'll go, Gülşah Good night, my Paşa Gülfem Hatun... Thank you very much If we made it to this night, your share in it is big I can never pay it back Take good care of our Sultana Never make her sad Don't break my heart Make her happy You can pay it back only this way Don't worry at all, Gülfem Hatun God bless him. I hope he'll grow up healthy, my Majesty Thank you Mahidevran Sultana I'll name my Prince my deceased father's name Shall he be a majestic emperor as Sultan Selim Khan in the name of Allah, the compassionate, the merciful Selim.. Selim.. Selim Selim, Selim, Selim In the name of Allah, the compassionate, the merciful (Praying in Arabic) May God make him righteous Amen May Allah make him happy Amen I hope Allah save him for the Ottoman Empire Amen 50.000 people attended the wedding of İbrahim Paşa and Hatice Sultana Never-seen-before entertainments have been organised for 15 days İstanbul (Constantinopolis) ... enjoyed in the streets without sleep İbrahim Paşa is not only The Grand Vizier now He's a dynasty groom now too He's got very powerful The palace opened it's gates for the first time to the people with this wedding Though people enjoyed the wedding, On the other side, The folks had the hump because of the weddings length and the money waster Especially Sultan Süleyman's Janisaries ( soldiers ) are unhappy with this situation They believe the money gained from Rhodes campaign is being wasted During the wedding, Sultan Süleyman got one more son Born of Russian concubine, Hürrem Sultan The baby was named Selim Close relations should be built with İbrahim Paşa whose mother is Venetian A Paşa who speaks our language and know our customs is a golden opportunity Venetian Embassadors should be close and send gifts Selim The precious of his aunt I'll eat those delicious cheeks of yours My dear How sweet you are It is fortunate you are here I wanted very much but couldn't be with you at your wedding If you want it very much, it doesn't get real. I learnt it How have you been? Are you better now? I just got up from the bed I've been bored, laying since days I want to go to the yard and walk, breath fresh air It is like we are prisoners in this chamber How nice Who gifted this? Mahidevran Sultana's gift How beautiful You should be like this Live in peace I don't want to be worried about you We've found the peace But you tell me Are you happy? Very much I'm flying with wings It is like I'm on the clouds Put your finger down, yeah You are pulling here, pull, pull it Look at the target, lock on the target Leave it when you are ready Well done, well done. Come on, one more shoot When you are ready, hold on Let it go when you are ready Well done My Prince, My Majesty Welcome Pargalı Mustafa wants to shoot arrows since he saw the archers competiting at your wedding İbrahim, I'll be the best archer Don't call him İbrahim. You are a man now. It is İbrahim Paşa infront of you Call him İbrahim Paşa or just Paşa My Majesty, if you allow, whatever our prince call me is accepted We are close, are not we my Prince? Yes, we are When will my sword trainings start, my Paşa? We'll go to Janissery House next week then We may visit the Ağa squat that our Majesty is member of Don't give me wooden sword again No, Are you a kid? You'll be using steel sword by now My Majesty, Venetian Embassador will visit today. Will you accept him to your presence? You accept them, that'd be enough Ask them if there's a new news from Luther Additionally, We'd like to host you with my Hatice Sultana tomorrow evening We'll attend for sure My Majesty My Prince, with your permission Come on Hold is steedy, Do you see the target? Leave it when you are ready Thanks to you Leo You are a talented man Thanks, thanks So, are you done here? İbrahim Paşa wants more paintings at another room After that, it will be over Hold there, you'll paint our Sultan's portrait yet The Sultan is not very enthusiastic Like he doesn't want it On the contrary, he wants it a lot I'm very sorry I didn't know you were here Sadıka Hatun I need to tell you somethng Is it possible to meet in the yard? No It is forbidden Someone might see I'd be beheaded Don't be afraid. It is not Majesty's palace. There's noone to be angry You get some rest I'll go, My mother is waiting Thanks a lot. I'm happy to see you Mahidevran My Sultana I heard you came. I was worried in case you leave withou seeing me Firstly I wanted to see our prince Hatice Sultan loves the gift you gifted Me too aswell I haven't seen my mother yet. We can visit together if you like Of course my, Sultana Don't be too happy because you have the second prince The important point is that which prince will be sitting on the throne and become the next Sultan Victoria. err... no Sadıka Sadıka Hatun. Huh! I.. err.. this Master Nasuh I can't be here for too long What will you tell me ? Look I drew this not to forget you, your voice and face I drew you Won't you say anything? I should go Before you go... I want you to look at my face just once Look at me once. For God's sake Please, sir Someone can see My Hatice, my dear daughter Your face is shining Happiness suits you Are you glad with Sadıka? Yes, I'm, mother As you said, Sadıka is very respectful Hardworking too Oh good. It is hard to find someone like her nowadays We're still not used to your absence Please visit me every morning Be with me until the evening My mother... I'd like to have dinner with my family tomorrow I wish to be together in the new palace We want to host Our Majesty, you, Mahidevran, Gülfem, all the beloved ones We'll gladly join My Mother? Of course we will, my Hatice Paşa, his lordship, I've brought you the congratulation letter of Venice Doge and Pope His Nibs' eternal happiness wishes Thank you Senior Mocenigo Will priest Luther's exile punishment continue? Since Pope hasn't removed amnesty, it will go on Unwanted man When you are the unwanted man, there's no turning back Paşa, his lordship, your wedding gift arrived to the dock today and been sent to your palace On the other hand, Some of our merchants have problems with the customs officers. They pillaged our storages We are desperate get your help I understand. Thank you I'll discuss that with Ayaz Paşa Don't you worry What else do you want? Mahidevran Sultana came and gave a gift Damn her gift She told me not to be happy because it is a boy Mustafa will become Majesty See what she's saying me Don't answer. You reached your goal. Don't care them I just can't do it. When I see her I go on the rampage. I barely hold myself She does all these favors to get Süleyman's attention Her favors are fake My Sultana Get ready now, Our Majesty is waiting for you in the yard. You are going Am I going with my Majesty? Find Gülnihal. She should keep an eye on kids Welcome, my Sultana Thank you, Daye Hatun My mother, if allow me, I wanna go before it is late I'll be waiting But, I forgot to say it to Hürrem Hatun I'll tell her now, don't worry my Valide You are late my Sultana. Hürrem Hatun left the palace a while ago Left how? What are you talking about? She left with our Majesty Where are they going? Where are we heading, my Majesty? It is between your beautiful two lips This carriage is going wherever you want it to go My heart's Sultan The land you step on is my paradise Are you still here? My Paşa I waited for you I need your advice. What is it? Couldn't you talk to her? Thanks to you I did So? The conclusion? I talked to her She escaped from me like a scared gazelle What could she do Matrakçı? Was she supposed jump on you? Be patien, be patient You'll soon get the peace in your home, Matrakçı I hope so, my Paşa I hope so Venetian Embassador would send me a table as a gift. Is it here yet? I have no clue. But... Is it good? What are you doing? I do this since my childhood My dear mother... She'd say... Step on the soil with bare feet It'll take all the sorrow and pain from you Soil gives you goodness and joy Your mother was right A person can find peace only on the soil But, I don't know if under soil or on it She's precious since she gave birth to the second prince Lucky woman They do whatever she wants Reign of Hürrem Hatun has already started Kalfa! What are you waiting for ? Take them I should hug my grandchildren when Hürrem is not there I haven't seen them since 2 days They'd be late my Sultana Why did they go out? It is never seen before You'll see This love to Hürrem will cause a lot of pain to us My Sultana İbrahim. Where did this come from? Mocenigo, Venetian Embassador, sent it It has chairs Candlesticks too, made of silver By now we'll have dinners on this table my Sultana Very beautiful, look Like a conversation These are budgerigars They are telling their loves to each other They are singing out all their lives without being tired These birds are yours I also will never stop my love My love You'll stop You will My Sultana The Queen of my paradise I'm fascinated when I look at your beauty Your words are embarrasing me very much I hope our paradise will last forever If you are in love... Consider yourself as thrown away If you are the king, Consider yourself as a slave, subject Oh Love, I'm like your cheek, it said Consider the rose ashamed because of its word You, fairy If you wish so, you can see me, the loving one, as in fire Ey, Muhibbi ( Süleyman's nickname in his poems ) If you want to find the real taste of pure lips, then look at sugar Don't be proud of the spring of your life See yourself in the blend as an individual They are not back yet, my Sultana It is late, don't wait anymore My love My Majesty My Hürrem My deep love It is morning Shall we go? My children await me There's a letter for you from Egypt, from Kadızade Mehmet Efendi, my Paşa My Paşa, is it a bad news? Kadızade states that Ahmet Paşa is building close relations with Mamluk Emirates Ahmet Paşa... You won't keep quiet, will you? You obviously are after being a traitor You are making a mountain out of a molehill This way you are only harmful to yourself, Mahidevran My Valide, but my Majesty took her out They are still not back Perhaps they'll stay a while in where they are Pull yourself together Where can Hürrem go leavinh his 3 kids behind? She could only be away for a day They'll be back today We are going to Hatice's in the evening My lion won't miss that My Sultana You are very cheerful today Look at my birds My Majesty's gift Budgerigars Are not they very beautiful? They are in love like me and my Majesty We stayed in the forest until the morning It was like a dream Sultan Süleyman Khan His Highness My Viziers, is there any important matter you want to tell me? My Majesty, from Egypt There is a letter from Master Kadızade Mehmet Has Ahmet Paşa already started being naughty? How did you guess that my Majesty? I don't have to be a fortuneteller for that I know what kind of feelings Ahmet Paşa had while going to Cairo I know him well He can never hold his anger inside of himself Ahmet Paşa is very close with Mamlouks Emirates He arranges secret meetings I don't want to blame, but I think he might be having an affair My Majesty, shall we intervene? Send a message to Master Kadızade She should be his shadow. I want to know every step he takes Paşas, you should take measures We shouldn't be unprepared Even if not today, Ahmet Paşa will be a trouble tomorrow You are my birds too You are joyfull too You are my everything These birds' sounds bring joy How fortunate My Majesty's gift Gülnihal, when will Selim wake up? I miss my son very much Let him sleep He didn't let me sleep last night We will be going to Hatice Sultana's palace for dinner in the evening I have to be very beautiful I am curious about the palace Did you say in the evening? It is already evening, let's prepare It is too salty Give me a little bit of dough Dough? Will you add dough, chief? Yes, sparty-pants. I'll add dough It'll take the dish's salt away Learn these tricks, learn, learn Come on, quickly Mumbar Dolması? Was I right Şeker Ağa? You are, my Sümbül Ağa, you ar right The favourite dish of our Sultan You'll introduce our Sultan's dinner to me okay It can't be, my Ağa It can Our Majesty is going to have dinner in İbrahim Paşa's palace His dinner is mine I'll lay down on the sofa for a while Wake me up when the dinner is ready Wake me up My mother, welcome My Hatice Beautiful daughter of me My Sultana Mahidevran, Gülfem, you are welcomed too Thank you my Sultana It is very beautiful here Will we have the dinner here? Yes, my mother I like this European style very much my Sultana My Valide, is not ur Majesty coming? My Valide Sultana, wouldn't you like to have a sit? Our Majesty should be on the way We've arrived I wish everyday was like today With you daytime and nighttime You cheered me up again, cheerd my soul up Come on, let's go Sultan Süleyman Khan His Highness My Majesty You are honoring us my Majesty Where did you get this? It came from Venice palace It is Venice Doge's gift They value you very much They obviously want to please you Infidel's new invention My mother, It looks like a European Palace Hold on, hold on Don't be afraid of me I'll not do anything that'd harm you Just, relax If there's something you don't like, just tell me If you have a wish, you can just send me a message I'll do anything for you Anything? Whatever you want Actaully... There's something Just wish it and I'll give my life I haven't heard from my family since a long time I wrote a letter but couldn't send See what you are sad about Give me and I'll run to send it There's a big boat at the port It's name is Fırtına There's Captain Antonio Tell him, Victoria's sending He'd send it to my uncle Nothing is missing, thank you But you should know I don't want this in my own palace my lion I'm pretty happy to eat on my cedar served on silver tray Alright This style won't be in your harem I guess you haven't seen the wall yet Look Which eastern palace have such paintings? What would clerics think if they see this? İbrahim Paşa should thnk about it Bon appetite My Majesty, Crimean artist is here He's working inside Really? He should show up, I'dl ike to congratulate him for these paintings My Majesty He shall İbrahim Paşa Invite him here, it is appropriate Such qualified artists are rare, they deserve to be flattered Leo, come on, dinner time No, I don't want Why not? Are you sick? You are pale, are you okay? I'm fine, thanks Sultan Süleyman Khan His Highness is inviting you to dinner table Majsety invites It means you've got the tips Master Leo What is going on? You are like a rock Don't be afraid, our Majesty won't behead you, he'd praise you Don't be afraid, walk My Majesty, I'd like to introduce you the valuable artist Leo He's brought the light and beauty to our palace Get closer Leo, come Translation: Kuadzba The city is asking everyone to stay inside and only go out for emergencies. Road closing of course will be in effect all over the lower county. Family reunion in the snow. They couldn't have this shit in Puerto Rico? I want this so bad. Yeah, play this just right, Martin. Well, you do the talking. I demonstrate. Man, if they say yes? No, they have to say yes. If they say yes. Hello? Lily? Lily? Mom? Lily. Mom, you're breaking up. What does Felicia want now? Yeah, she hasn't been around for years, and now she wants to act like a mom? Henry, it doesn't matter how long we've been together or who knows about us. You know something, Karen? I'm a grown-ass man. And you are a beautiful grown-ass woman. We're not in high school. So, why you think we need to keep pretending like we're-- Because, Henry, it's about the family. It's always something about the family. What about me? I know, okay, but you-- Not to mention, everybody knows already. Tyrone knows, Lily knows, Simpson knows. You go up here and you tell the elders that we're together. You tell that freaky ass U ncle Melvin and all the rest of those black sons of bitches. Stop it. Don't you disrespect them. And the answer to your question: no. No. - Of course it's no. - To your request. - It's always no. Yeah. No, no. It's your favorite word. No. You okay? Oh, let's go. Oome meet my cousins. J ust cramps. What type of black family holds a reunion in the middle of the winter? Do they ski? I doubt it. Are they gonna barbecue? Probably. I love you. What? I said I love you. I know. It was so crazy at the hospital. Really? Yeah. Oh, God. Oh. "Hey, there, kiddos." U ncle Melvin. "Hope you like the place. It's all yours. See you tomorrow. U ncle Melvin." Oh, wait. "P. S. I left you something on the bar." Oh. Nice. Of course, Henry knows exactly where the bar is. Great. There's more, there's more, there's more. Oh. Oh. Oh, my God. It's a family reunion. 'Oause I learned that, you know, to do that in prison. U m, you know, she's, she's fine, I guess. Yes! I thought you two were, um-- Occasionally, yeah. Occasionally? Well, no. I thought she moved in with you. Yeah, she did. Yeah? And? And she moved out. Oh. Wow. I'm-I'm sorry. No, no, no, it's fine. It's okay. You know, she just needed to, um figure-- It's a long story. And I--okay? ...am not drunk enough. Oh, oh, so that's what it takes. Let me get you a glass of wine. Thank you very much. 'Oause I've gotta hear this story. I need more. I need the facts. Okay, sissy, I made that. You take it. All right, fine, I'll hold it. I wanna see that. Of course you'd be back here. Oh, thank you. I have a great idea. Good night. Yeah, good night. Did you ask the elders if you could bring these people up here? Nope. You know they don't like white-- I can't drive. And why not? Why don't you tell 'em why not? I don't wanna talk about it. So you lied. They are on vacation and they did give me a ride. But they're not just some friends. And he's also your boss hoping to help you ask for money at your own family reunion. I mean, that's a little, that's a little crass, don't you think? What? Oh, come on. Am I the only here not looking for a handout? Yes. Why are you acting like we're the ones on the outside of everything that's going on here? And, Simpson, enlighten me, what is really going on here? Well, golly gee-wiz. Let me break it down for you, Karen. You see, there are four of us up here who have the same, shall I say world view of all this bullshit. Because, you know, I'm high a little tight. A little? You know what, Karen, we're not all wrong here. You got five rich black families. This family reunion a big secret family reunion. What the fuck is that? I'm just saying that I think if there was ever a time-- Right. To ask for help from people who can help. Exactly. Exactly. I look at it like this. I call you my cousins. Whenever I see you, it's all good. We're family. Whatever. But we come from five different backgrounds of people who have a history of keeping together. You see, I think they're expecting us to be like, look this is what I wanna do this is the next step I wanna take, the next move I wanna make. Yeah, right, right, so we can, you know accumulate some capital, basically. Exactly. Exactly. Thank you. Okay, look, I'm a cook. He writes. He fights. And you what? You play video games-- Program. Video-- program-- J ust leave it at that. Look, Karen, you have stability, insurance. A regular check. Thank you. I, I hear you, but my God, we-- We come from someplace. You know, and I just hope that-that-that what you all need doesn't obscure the possibilities of what you all can get. J ust hanging around them, being around them. The elders. And yes the family is very important to me. And, uh, I just kinda wanted to honor that. So, I'm sorry, okay, that I'm not where all of you are. But I am not gonna apologize for where I am. And for real for real, for real this weekend, on this particular weekend what I want is family. Get it? Good. Get it? Hey. O'mon. Yeah, I know. I know. Karen, the good girl. You know, I just want you guys to know that it's not just about money, money, money, money, money. Karen, we get it. Yeah. You know? I just love this family. I know, I know. I really do. We still want some money but-- Yeah, I know you want some money. Seriously? Okay. Oh, here we go. All right, all right. Get me stoned and shut me up, right. M m-hm. Let's do a count. Oh, that's right. That one class that we took. That's right. It was something like-- You can do it, you can do it. Wait, wait. Turn around. Yeah, come on over here. Sit right here. "There's a truth that no man can deny. "He is here. "He is here this very moment. "You have but to look up and you shall witness his power. "Remember this, children. "Remember what he has promised. "You will know the truth. "All that is written within the passage of a single day. "After he has been given the boon of blood from the maiden "he shall lie down with the host. "Truly blood is the life. "A totem hewed from a warrior's bones shall been erected "from the flesh of another. "The hunger shall be slain. "Truly, flesh is the strength. "The host will honor our debt to who he has vouchsafed our deliverance. "She shall honor him by the blood sacrifice of the last warrior. The flesh is the strength." Lily. Lily, Lily. Oome on. Lily. Lily! No! Don't get at me! Move. Movel Oh, my God. The flesh is the strength? What is that? How the fuck those words get on that window, huh? I saw something out there. I saw a bunch of somethings out there and I know I ain't crazy. Simpson said he had some friends who were heading to a sea resort or some shit. Yeah, it's just a couple of miles up the road, Lily. What were those things I just saw? You know what, sweetie, it was probably just some kids, you know, saw that we were in here. And wrote that shit in that window. Maybe there was hallucinogenics in the weed. - Yeah. - Woo-ooh-ooh. - Simpson, shut up. You know how U ncle Melvin likes to experiment. - And Lily, you were hitting that shit kinda hard. - You were, sweetie. It's a wonder you weren't seeing a bunch of pink giraffes, Lily, the way you're smoking that shit. It's not funny, Simpson. Okay, you know what, it's probably just the ice formations mixed with the darkness and the booze. Okay, what the fuck about those words? White folks. Ski bums. - They were just trying to scare us. - Yeah. Knew I shouldn't have fucking come up here. All right, that's it, we ain't smoking no more weed. Okay, you know what, Lily? Here, come with me. I have some tranquilizers, okay, that will help you sleep off this little high so good. Okay? What? I am a doctor, okay? I'm gonna need a handful and I'm sleeping with you tonight, all right? Hey, you guys wanna smoke a blunt? Baby? H m. Oan you get me some water? Really? Oome on, Marty. Water. All right. I'll get some water. M m, Marty, I'll be here when you get back. Oh, I know. Marty, water. All right. But prepare for round two. Marty, water. Marty, you're starting to hurt my neck. Hello. Aunt Bee. You had a good time last night. Yeah. How long have you been sitting there? Are you still taking that stuff my Melvin gave you? Yeah. Is it working? The pain has stopped. Good. I knew it would help. It helped me. U ncle Melvin didn't tell me he got them from you. Did you tell anyone? Told anyone what? About the roots. No. Good. Well, you get dressed. And wake Lily up. We're about to start. Aunt Bee. Your two white friends left already. They told me to tell you goodbye. They're not my friends. They're-- They're Simpson's. Oh. Lily? U ncle Grady, are you crazy? Tone, my dear boy. Such a tone is unnecessary. Tone? You just banged on a drum to wake us up. Oh. Is that what this is? I found this thrown into a corner downstairs. This is not just a drum. This is an ancestral-- U ncle Grady, why are you up here banging on a drum this early in the morning? You three look fit. What? Fit. Like warriors. Strong and lean. Get dressed! We're about to begin. Begin what? Our reunion, dear boy. Make haste! U ncle Grady. U ncle Grady, can I get a moment of your time? So... fit. You don't think U ncle Grady thinks that--threesome? Yeah. Little boy on boy. On boy, actually. And now for a bit of family history. A long time ago, a ship arrived with no crew and one passenger. H is name was Ohakabazz. He was immediately lynched and hung beside others who had committed crimes against their white owners and slave traders. But like Lazarus from the Gospel of John he rose. He was a doctor, a prophet. He was a wonder. He was a myth maker. He was a ruler. Ohakabazz gathered the slaves one day and told them of his special powers. He walked and the earth moved with him. He whispered. You will never be under the yoke of the white man again. Or any man. He promised. Your family will prosper. He blessed. Your family will never be ripped away from you again. They will always stay together. The sun sculpted his shadow. The air parted in awe. And at night at night the moon bathed him in silk. But on this day, on this plantation in this foreign land the slaves found themselves drawn to this man who had defied death and the white man's laws. They stood before him and Chakabazz offered the gathered slaves freedom. But for this freedom Ohakabazz told the slaves that they must sacrifice. Ohaka! Sacrifice to me before the next sunset for your freedom. Offer me your best and brightest. Let me be your salvation. True salvation. God sacrificed Jesus. Abraham sacrificed Isaac. This is what they believed. This is what they had been taught. Come, children. Come. They were chosen and brought to him. The ceremony began. The cabin was silent rested. The cabin rocked and swayed. And then the screams came. Sounding like animals led to the slaughter. But there was something more. It was the embryo of a growl. Chakabazz then became fully bodied fully blooded fully himself. And though the slaves quaked from their callused feet to the top of their shaved heads nobody moved. Ohakabazz had given his word. Ohakabazz with the strength of 100 men walked through the cotton fields to the big house refreshed. He turned to the slaves and said to them "Go. "Do not forget me "for I shall not forget you. Struggle, my children. Struggle." Those slaves formed families. Our five families. They created us. We created you. And next up on Wild Kingdom. They asked your parents not to come so they could spend some time with you. U ncle Melvin, I was just joking. They wanted to make a connection to the next generation. To pass down a little truth to the thirsty. Whether you believe it or not you all came from someplace. None of us would be here tonight if it were not for them. Think about that on your trip home. Safe journey. U ncle Melvin, what about the-- Reunion? Yes. I mean, I thought we were all gonna spend time together. Well, the elders are old and they tire easily. Especially when they're disrespected. U ncle Melvin, wait. Let it go, man, just let it go. Oan I talk to you for a second, please? I'll talk to them and see what I can do. Okay. I'm sure everything will be fine. No worries. Okay? Now I have two cheeks. Okay. Okay, what? Okay, he's gonna ask them if we can apologize. All right? He's not gonna make us any promises but he'll see if they'll still have us over for dinner. At least. Karen. If you ever hit me like that again I'm coming for your throat. That was uncalled-for, Karen. You do owe him an apology. It's two words, Karen. Hey, guys. Yo! - Hey. Aunt Bee said they left. Look, Simpson-- - Why'd they leave? I don't know, she just-- she just said they left. Why is the door locked? Maybe the elders told them to leave before they woke us up, I don't know, but listen. Why would they leave at all? Martin was supposed to help me pitch. That was the whole damn idea. Why is it dark outside when we just woke up? I-I don't know. Simpson listen, I'm sorry, okay? Something ain't right with those people. Lily, please, do not start. No, what was that story about? Why would they bring us all the way up here to tell us a story about some witch doctor? Lily, calm down! Don't start, please! They left their snowmobile. You know something, 'kay, I'm with Simpson. This don't make no sense. Something ain't right. Why would they leave at all? Martin was supposed to help me pitch. That was the whole damn idea. And why is it dark outside when we just woke up? It's 6: 00 p.m.. What? It's 6: 00 p.m.. Okay, that- - That can't be right. I can't find my phone. You're leaving? Lily, are you gonna answer me? What-- What am I supposed to do about a ride? Tyrone, you know what, I'll just take you back, okay? This is really fucked up. You're just gonna leave? Ty, I said I'll take you back. You know what, honestly? Lily, if you wanna go, go. Because you know what? I'm not gonna stop you this time. All right, now I can't find my phone. My laptop says 6 o'clock so it is really 6 o'clock P. M. Listen, each of us slept through most of the afternoon. They show up and no one hears them? U ntil we all wake up to find them banging on drums, chanting and wearing stick on their damn hands. Listen, U ncle Melvin said that was-- U h-uh. Something is not right with those people. Fuck family reunions. Fuck Shaka Zulu or Ohucky or whoever the fuck they were talking about. I'm taking my ass home, and I mean it this time. I'm gone. What about your franchise? You know what, Karen? My mother never took any of their money and I've made it this far without begging for their help, so I think I'm just gonna have to be all I can be on my own because I cannot stay here another night. Lily, come on. It's an initiation rite. It's gotta be. I nitiation for what? For begging. For begging for money? What else are we gonna beg them for? Well, I guess for dinner. The three of you will be having some nice, yummy delicious servings of ass-kissing. Because guess what. I don't beg. Getting the fuck outta here. Nothing to see, for me to st-- Damn! Whoa! Shit. Dammit. Fuck. What the-- Okay. Okay, okay. J ust-- J ust look for the flashlight. Okay. Oalm down. Where is the flashlight? Gotta look for the flashlight. What the fuck? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Stop it! Leave me alone! Stop! Leave me alone! Oome on. It's a direct satellite link. All right? It's wireless anywhere on earth. Even in the middle of nowhere, you're still in touch with the world. U h, you click this goes up there and stays, forever. It's like, aliens will be able to read it. It's like a time capsule. D'you how much it costs to rent storage space on a satellite? I've no idea. That's why I'm asking the elders to buy me one. Buy you a satellite? Yeah. What? This is money. And you-you're in debt, right? Yes, but I'm not in satellite-buying debt. Sh. I choose you. Someone's in my room. What? Someone's in my room. Lock every door in the house. Lock the doors, goddamn it! Oh, my, oh, my God. Karen? What's wrong? Get my back bag. Get my back bag. Now. Now. Fuck, where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Oh, God. Oh! Fuck. Karen, what the fuck? Give me that! Give it to me! Who gave you this shit? I need that! It was U ncle Melvin, wasn't it? Yes. Give me that! Enough is enough. You gotta tell me what the fuck is going on. It hurts, Henry, it hurts. Are you--? Am I what? Are you pregnant? No. No. You gotta tell me what the fuck happened in that bathroom. I was taking a bath. I was laying there. And you didn't see anyone? No. And it wasn't there before you got in the bathtub? No. No. Yeah. Yeah. Now, this is fucking crazy. You're a doctor, for Ohrist sakes. You know what? I don't need your fucking accusations. You don't believe me. You know something? Fucking hear it from you! - Why don't we act like a grown up? - I don't need to hear this shit from you! - J ust once. J ust once. - A grown up? How 'bout you? ! I nstead of a spoiled fucking princessl Fuck you I I'm donel Grow upl Fuck you I Who gave you this shit? Grow up! I'm a grown up! Why don't you get louder? Tyrone and Simpson can't hear. Fuck you. I don't need you and your fucking mouth. - Grow the fuck up. - You don't know what I'm going through. Yell a little fucking louder. Oh, push me harder. Push me harder. Push me fucking harder. You don't know a goddamn thing about me. Oh, come on, bring it. Push me harder. Fuck you! Lily? Open up. - That sounds like Aunt Felicia. - Somebody I What's she doing here? Open upl Lily I Somebody I You don't have much time. My car is stuck about half a mile up the road but we- - Where's Lily? She left. Hey, kiddo. The elders have decided that you all are very welcome. Oome have dinner with them and discuss your future prospects. You shut upl I'm sure they would welcome your company as well, Felicia. They're gonna sacrifice each and everyone of you. There, I said it. Every generation, they believe that. They believe that your blood will make all the families prosper. They've been doing this shit since slavery. Why didn't I pass her on the road, Melvin? Melvin! I thought you told me to shut up. Oh, no. Now it is your time to speak the fuck up! No, Felicia. Aunt Felicia. This-this is no joke. This is not some old wives' tale. This is a motherfucking cult. They start by draining the virgin's blood. Aunt Felicia. Lily's not a virgin. Exactly. Lily is a lesbian and that's close enough for the family. He's behind it all. He's their priest. He's their shaman. Their oracle. And what are you? We've heard your ranting before. We've seen your abandonment of your family. They have just 24 hours after they drain the virgin's blood. Then they impregnate the host. One warrior's bones is built into a totem. Another warrior's flesh they eat. Why are you telling tales? They make the host kill the last of the warriors. Why don't you tell everyone about how you tried to sell your precious baby Lily? You keep her name out of your fucking mouth. Why you were never much of a mother to her. And everybody here knows that. You fucked up, you broke your own rules and I'm gonna tell every single one of the elders that you fucked it up! You're drunk. And who gave me my first drink, Melvin? H uh? The family. The family put me on that shit. The family destroyed my life. You may not have my daughter. I refuse. You broke the rule. You didn't have to give her up. Her father did. Let's go. Let's go! Oh, my God. Shit! Henry, start the car. It won't start. Henry I What was that? What was that? It had hands! It had human hands. J ust relax, sweetie. Let me see it. Don't say anything. Maybe they're gone. Oh, my God. My leg. We gotta get out of here before we freeze to death. We need weapons. - Where are we going to get weapons? - What? Weapons. We need weapons. Oh, my God. See that shed down there? I'm thinking there's gotta be some tools or something that we could use inside. Okay? Yeah. - Do you see that pile of wood over there? - Yeah. Is it possible for you to use one of those pieces of wood to set Ty's foot with? I just need to, um, I just need to break it in half. What? Break what? Break the wood, not your foot. Okay, I'm gonna run down to that shed and see what's inside. Okay? You and Simpson split that wood to set Ty's foot. I'll be back in five minutes maximum, no matter what. Five minutes. Got it. Yeah. No. Let's go. Get your mother fucking bitch ass out. No. No. Fuck. Get the fuck out of the fucking car! Nol Help me put this fucking wood. Get the fuck out I Help me with this now! Henry. He lives. Lily? Lily? Lily! It hurts. Hey, it's me. Hey. Hey, it's me. It's Henry. How's he doing? Oome on, Ty. Oome on, man. Grab on, man. Grab on. Get him on the snowmobile. Come on, man, take it. I just saw Lily. We have to help her. We have to help her. We just have to help her. Okay. Now, listen, Ty and I will go ahead. We'll scout around. You two just, just follow our tracks. J ust follow our tracks. I'll circle back. Wait. Will you man the fuck up? You have a hatchet, goddammit. He's got a chainsaw and you got a snowmobile. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. For God sake, wait a minute. Lily! Where did she go? Right over that bridge. Lily? Lily I Lily, wait. Lily I Henry, slow down. Hey. You guys all right? Yeah, we are fine, it's just his leg. Here. Take it, take it. Does this hurt? Listen, listen. It's okay. O'mon, man. Okay. It's okay. It looks like we're walking in a circle. Come on, Simpson. We should go back the other way. I think we're lost. What was that? What is that? I can't, I can't. I got you. I got you. It hurts. I know. What? Wait. Listen. It's a car. I think it's coming from over there. Hand me that. Goddammit. Fuck! Henry! I'll be right back. Are you okay? Okay. Okay. Dammit. Tyrone! Helpl Tyronel Tyrone, keep calling. We can't find you. Ty! Over there. Ty, keep calling. Tyrone! Over here. Tyrone! Ty! Oh, here. Ty. Ty. Ty? Tyrone! He's gone. He's gone. Let's go to the car. Karen. Are you okay? Yes. It's these cramps. Martin? Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Come, Chakabazz, come. Come, Chakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. You are the chosen. Oome, join us. I n Africa long way before there lived a great warrior Oome, Ohakabazz. He provided medicine to the sick. Guys! What's wrong with you, people? They can't hear you. They have leaped into another realm apart of your own. I n holy places throughout the world they eat his flesh, drink his blood. Jesus Christ I For the sins of the earth. Abraham delivered Issac. God delivered Jesus. And now we deliver you. It cost our souls to escape the horror of slavery. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Without him without this our families will die. Come, Chakabazz. Come, Chakabazz. Come, Chakabazz, come. Brought our way. Oome, Ohakabazz. Top residences. We made this happen. And scholarships, we gave them to you. Your undefeated record of knockouts. I won those. You've won nothing. And now, you must give your life to him. We promised. You must give back. Like me. You are the chosen one. Every generation. Money keeps the legend alive. Money keeps the legend quiet. The flesh is the strength. The blood is the life. Fear is good. Rage is good. Your deaths are already explained. The white man did it. What did you put inside of me? Freedom. You won't get away with this. We are away with it. Simpson, go untie Lily and bring her back here. How could you fucking do this to me? Grady, don't you fucking move. The next one that jumps up, this one gets cut. Come, Chakabazz, come. How's it going Simpson? Almost therel Oome, Ohakabazz, come, Ohakabazz, come. Let's go, goddammit. I got it. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Come, Chakabazz. Come, Chakabazz. Come, Chakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Come, Chakabazz, come. You are mine. Struggle, my children. Struggle. Do not forget me. For I will not forget you. Go. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz. Oome, Ohakabazz, come. It's just a deer. Let's go. That's no deer, Henry. Get off me. Get off me. Get off mel Lily. Where's Lily? Wait, wait. There's more coming. Let's go. H urry. It's locked. Side door! H urry. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. I don't-I don't wanna die. Simpson. Simpson. Simpson I Stop it. Stop it. Look at me! You look at me right now, goddammit. I don't wanna die, either. I don't wanna die, either! But we have got to think of something. We don't want to die. Think of something. Okay. My computer. Yeah. Yeah. Your computer. Your computer. Are you sure? Are you sure? Okay, fine. We can get to the room, we can contact someone. Okay? We can leave a message. We can leave a message. So we do this and then we fight, okay? That's right. We fight. Oome on. Get the fuck up. Come on. Okay. Okay. There. Okay. Okay. Okay. What are we gonna do? Sh. J ust think! Okay, Simpson, go down the stairs and go around back. Yes. Yes! - I'm gonna distract them. - What? No! Yes. Henry. Henry! I am the host, okay? They want me. They want me, okay? So go down, and make the loop back Give me the hatchet. Simpson. Simpson, give me the hatchet. The hatchet! It's gonna be fine, okay? We're gonna be okay. Go. J ust go, go, go. U ncle Melvin. I understand now. Thank you for choosing me to give something back for your house. Thank you for choosing me out of all the others. The flesh is the strength. Right? The blood the blood is the life. But I refuse! (Karen sobs] It will all be over soon, my darling. What did you put inside of me? Karen. What did you put inside of me? What did you put inside of me? Such a tender young thing. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I want it out of me now. Get it out of me. Henry. Help me! Henry! What is it? What is it? What is it? Lily! Lily! Don't you fucking move. Simpson, you keep typing. You keep typing. Lily! She's dead, Henry, she's dead. Lily is dead I Lily is dead. Henry. Henry I I want you to go out there. I want you to go fight. They're gonna know. They're gonna know that we we didn't give up. We did not give up. We fought. They'll know that. We fought. We fought. Hey. I know. I've always known. Go. Go! Help, Henry I Henry I You son of a bitch. So fit. M m. M m. Simpson. Oh, God. You don't fucking move. You keep typing. Keep fucking typing, Simpson. Don't you fucking stop. You keep fucking typing! Keep fucking typing! We choose, we choose slave. We choose, we choose slave! Oh, my God. No! No! Nol Nol Help mel Oh, my God. Don't look back, Simpson. Don't you fucking-- Don't you fucking look back. Don't you fucking look back. Nate Ford. Aah! You know, you could have -- Called first? Yes, Mr. Ford. I could have called first. Chaz... put it away. My name is Walt -- Whitman Wellesley IV. Well-funded, on the board of several corporations, foundations. I know who you are. Good. Then you know exactly what's at risk if you refuse to help me. Let me be very clear about something. I help people who have nowhere else to go. I help them against people like you. Thanks for coming. But you must... help me. - Uh... - I'm gonna... - Maybe... - I'm gonna go get Sophie. Sophie, yeah. My wife has been kidnapped. Missing for four days now. - But there's been no ransom. - Not a word. She's just... gone. You poor man. She's been missing for four days, and there's no evidence of foul play. The FBI has given up on the case. That's why you're here. She left you, Wellesley. - Nate, that's a bit harsh. - What? No, it isn't. Lacey would never deliberately... I know exactly what this looks like. Rich man marries a woman half his age, gets just what he deserves, but -- - She was special. - Is. I was married for 37 years. My sons are grown -- grandkids, too. When Dot died -- my first wife -- I was... bereft. For two years, I just... went through the motions. I was just waiting till I... stopped. And then you met Lacey and fell in love. She changed me. Restored me. If you say so. Whatever you want... it's yours. Just... find my wife. Please. I can find your wife. But you're gonna have to do something for me -- a favor, in the future. You have power, influence -- something I might find useful. Done. The rich and powerful take what they want. We steal it back for you. Sometimes bad guys make the best good guys. We provide... leverage. Go ahead, say it. Go ahead. - I-I'm just saying he loves her. - Saying what? Oh, come on. Men like that treat people like possessions. - You should know that. - Oh, just because he's rich doesn'tmeanhe 'sheartless. - Of all people, you're actually -- - He was wrecked. - No, wrecked. I mean -- - You don't have a romantic bone in your body. - Oh. - Oh, really? And you're one to laugh. You don't even bother to learn their names. They're just waitress, nurse, stewardess. First of all, it's flight attendant, all right? They don't like being called stewardess. And, second, I know their names. You guys having a three-way? - What? - What? Three-way fight? All right, guys. Walt Whitman Wellesley IV. Now, he does look like every other soulless CEO we've taken down before, but to be honest, this guy gave away more dollars last year than Bill and Melinda Gates. He comes from old money. I'm talking like "his ancestors invested in IBM while coming over on the Mayflower" old. Okay. Now, what about the lovely wife, Lacey? Lovely? She ain't lovely. Lacey Beaumont -- she met her future husband at a charity function in the Hamptons. But get this -- she bought old boy at one of those bachelor auctions. They get married less than a month later. See? Love at first sight. Yeah, or she wanted to get hitched before the background check went through. Yeah, thank you. Okay. So she's been missing for four days. What can you tell me about that time period? Well, there's no activity on the credit cards or the bank accounts, but going back to... Got a lot of cash withdrawals, over $2 million-plus, all transferred to the same account. Find me that bank. Bank's in the Hamptons, but... Oh, that account was emptied and closed four days ago. All right, all right, all right. She's a grifter. But it doesn't mean that Wellesley's feelings aren't genuine. Oh, come on. Look, guys, sweetheart scams like this usually take, what, six months, right, to pull off? This is a land-speed record. Here's a list of other wealthy men who married within a month of meeting their spouses. That's a lot of mysterious accidents. And they each seem to have met at one of these functions. Well, that's Lacey's pattern. Yeah, well, it looks like Lacey might be a black widow. I'm just saying. Yeah, she may not have killed Wellesley, but she's out there, spinning her web. Mm-hmm. Now, there's another charity function tomorrow in the Hamptons. Same deal -- live and silent auctions, real high-end vendors. And when you compare it to your others... Everybody, pack your bags. We're going to a party. Let's go steal a sweetheart. No? A widow. - Unh-unh. - No? Spider? Spider. Lacey will have changed her name and appearance -- different hair, colored contacts. More than that -- if she's as good as we think she is, then she can change her skin type with makeup, her body shape with clothing, create a whole new person. Parker, any luck? No matches on Hardison's software yet. Ooh. Sparkly. Parker, no burgling. But these jewels -- they're just asking to be taken. Subtitles edited by Ehhhhtozebec Ladies and gentlemen, our annual bachelor auction is about to begin! I know, I know. You're excited. Now let's dig deep into those unallocated funds. Remember, it's for charity. Steak dinner to whoever gets the highest bid? I'm in. All right ladies. Are we ready for our next bachelor? Lacey should be among the high bidders. Parker and I will drive the bids higher by countering. Eliot, pick a bidder and maintain eye contact. Paying attention to one will cement the bid and put all the others off. Yeah, I got it! Then let's meet Austin, Texas native Jackson Cooper! Austin, Texas? Did you write that? All right. Now, not only is Jackson the founder of Baren Oil, he also led the underwater team thatcappedthewellintheGulf. Oh, yes. So we are gonna start this auction off at $1,000. Do I hear $1,000? $1,000 right away. Very good. $1,500. Looking for $1,500. $1,500. $1,500 in the back there! $2,000, $2,000. $2,000. $2,500. Anyone, $2,500? $2,500 right there. We have $3,000. Do I hear $3,000? $3,000 to the lovely lady in the front. Looking for $3,500. Come on, ladies, don't be shy. Me, me! $3,500 right there in the back! Do I have $4,000? Thankyou,Sophie. $4,000. $4,000 in front. Do I have $4,500, anyone? $4,500 over there! $4,500. Going for $5,000. $5,000 right in front. $5,500 in the back there. We have $5,500. $6,000 over there. $6,500. Thank you. $7,000. $7,000 in the back. Dare we go $7,500? $7,500, good. $8,000. $8,500. $8-- wait. Hold on. Hold on. We got $10,000 right here. That's $10,000 going once. $10,000 going twice. And sold to this lovely lady up front. Enchanté. - Ooh. French. - Photo for the society page? You want to take a picture? - Ooh. - I got you. Ooh. Klutz. Parker, any luck? Got photos of every girl Lacey's age. Still no match. Ooh. Lovely. That's right, ladies. Let's give it up for our last eligible bachelor, Mr. Steven Melching. Come on, Steven. Steven comes to us straight from his compound in Silicon Valley. Whoa, whoa, whoa! So, we're gonna start this auction off at $1,000. $1,000 from the enthusiastic lady in the front. We're looking for $1,500. $1,500 up back there. $1,500. Looking for $2,000. $2,000, thank you. Looking for $2,500. Going for -- $2,500 over there. - $3,000. Looking for $3,000. - Ooh. $3,000 right here. $3,500 over here. - Thank you. - Parker. Looking for $4,000. Parker, Parker. - Parker, put your hand up. - Looking for $4,000, anybody. You -- you -- - You better bid. - Anyone. What? I'm up. It's up. Just watch her. Keep your eyes on her. There's a steak. Mmm. Steak for you. $4,000 right there. There we go. $4,000. $4,500, anyone? Anyone? $4,500 right here. Looking for $5,000. Where's $5,000? Do I hear $5,000, anyone? Anyone, $5,000? $6,000, right here. $6,000. $6,500 right here. - Ooh! - $7,000. $7,000. Thank you. $7,500 up front here. $8,000 in the back there. Looking for $8,500. $8,500 right -- Ladies and gentlemen, we have a bid for $15,000. Ooh! You say $15,000? I'm gonna say sold right here! - Well done, brother. - I'll be damned. - How you doing? - Hi! I'm getting me a steak dinner. Steak-umms. Remember when women had dignity? Ah, yes. Mystery and allure, too -- things of the past, I'm afraid. I'm Meredith. Ah. Lady Charlotte Prentice. - Oh, duchess, may I, for the society page? - Of course. Oh, well, I - - I should, uh, go take a photo of the highest bidder with her prize. Nice meeting you. You bid $15,000? Wow. That sure is a lot. - May I? - You sure? $15,000? - Oh! - Whoa. Oh. They're all klutzes. - Oh. - Excuse me. - Thank you. You're so strong. - Oh. Wait. They're all klutzes. She tripped, too. That's odd. You have... the bluest eyes. What? - Ohh! - Ohh! Hey. How you doing? You okay? I'm - - I'm so sorry. I-I just wasn't looking. Ah, looks like the working girl could use a drink. Working girl? I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean it like that. I was... 50-year-old balmoor. Mmm. Yes, it is, indeed. Cask strength. You know, you're a lousy vendor. You could have saved a lot of money diluting this without anyone the wiser. Money's not one of my worries. Really? Outrageous. Hmm? A lovely lady like you going thirsty. - Oh. - Unacceptable. - Oh? - Champagne? Look at that. Lady Charlotte Prentice. Oscar San Guillermo. I organize these fundraisers for the local charities. Not a fan? Oh, it's not that. I just -- I know, I know. It's a little over the top, but separating all these rich people from their money for a good cause -- that's forgivable, isn't it? I'd say. To old friends and new. Ha. Ooh. Your eyes are so deep. E-excuse me one moment, please. Sorry. Everyone, listen up. This technique, the staring -- it's called soul-gazing. Just two minutes of it can create real feelings of love. - Ooh! - It's oaky. Nate, the tripping, the soul-gazing -- it's every seduction technique in the book. They're all on script -- every single one of them. So true. That's right. Not bad. The women -- they're all grifters. We came here looking for one Lacey. We stumbled across an entire ring of Laceys. No wonder the meet-to-marry time is so quick. Anyone would be susceptible to this. It's like an assembly line of grift. I have never tried that. - Oh, I'm gonna get you -- okay. - Thanks. Sophie, okay. I can't talk right now. You got to take point, okay, and try to get us some information. Parker? Huh? Are you up to doing some lifts? Oh, goody. Just phones. We're only gonna clone them. - Fine. - I'll meet you in the lobby in five minutes. Guys, distract the women. Get close to them. Create some heat. - How'd you swing that? - Yeah. Y-you know... Let me get to know you real quick. - All right... - Oh. Oh, yeah. - Yeah. - All right. Okay. Just very, very... Let me tell you something. I own a vineyard in the south of France. Nate, no names, no addresses, nothing to lead us to Lacey, and all the calls are from today. Yeah, not even GPS. They're burners. It's definitely a ring. Let's think about this. Every ring has a leader, someone calling the shots. And to grift on this scale, that leader's gonna be here to supervise. I know I would. You know, these women sometimes kill their marks. I know, but first things first -- we need to find out who that leader is. Nate, we need a disruption, give us a chance to see how they interact. - Just a second. Be right back. - Mm. I mean, it could give us a clue. Parker, pick a fight with Hardison's date. - Yeah. - Yeah, sure. Are you kidding me? Parker! He didn't mean a literal fight. He meant start an argument. What? ! Hey! He said distract her, not beat her ass. - What are you -- - Let's go, miss. You gonna stand there and let her get her ass whupped? Where's your new lady friend? Come here, sweetie. That was terrible. I can't believe she did that here. Nice job of flushing out the leader. Meredith's the ring leader. I should have seen that. The camera's the perfect cover for watching her girls in action. And she's gonna have files. We find those, we take down the ring. - And Lacey. - Yeah. I'm thinking a Hohe Minne variant. I like your thinking. You're not a society photographer, are you? And you're not a purveyor of fine spirits. Hey, why don't we think of this as a happy accident? You didn't know we were gonna be here. We didn't know you were gonna be here. All right? But there's plenty to go around. Come on. - You want to partner up? - Not a bad idea. You know, you're obviously great with the gentlemen, and we can handle the ladies, so... win-win. I don't know you or what you're capable of. Listen, you might be queen of the Hamptons, but I have fleeced more divorcées and widows than you could shake a stick at, huh? That's me, okay? Yeah. So, uh, I could get any lady I want -- anyone. Prove it. Here's your coat, ma'am. No, um... that's not mine. Mine's a-a silk shawl. I'm Meredith. Oh. Lady Charlotte Prentice. - Oh, duchess, may I, for the society page? - Of course. That woman at coat check -- she's a real duchess. You get her to go out with you within the next 24 hours, I'll watch you work and make a determination. No time like the present. Duchess. Huh. Now, at least have a drink with me. Oh, thank you. Gonna have to try a bit harder than that. Looks like someone got a head start. Tomorrow, call that number. Once you've made your move, I'll be there. Eliot, I want you to follow Sophie. Hardison, you track Meredith. They went out the east door, both of them. Now. All right, Lacey's in the system because she was reported missing, but the others are not. So I think if... Uh... All right, all right. Listen, next time, I promise, I'll use the word "argument" instead of "fight." - Promise. - Okay. - Hey. - Hey. So... I-I lost Meredith's town car, but I hacked the GPS. Assuming that she keeps files, they're probably at her home or her office, if she uses one. We find those records, we could take down Meredith, Lacey, and the whole ring. Now, based on recurrence of location and calculating duration of stay, according to time codes, I have for you two addresses. Okay, Parker, listen. Tomorrow, while I'm running the Hohe Minne scam, I want you to check out these addresses. What's a Hohe Minne? Oh, German -- means "high courtly love." In the middle ages, a knight would undergo challenges to prove himself worthy of a noblewoman's love. Sure seems like a lot of work. I'm just saying. Hey, man, why do you have Sophie's comm muted? Don't you want to hear how she's doing? - That's funny. - Uh, not really. What? Sophie's real laugh. - Mm. - Oh, I get it. She's not the noblewoman. She's the challenge. Hmm? Oh! Awake! I'm awake. That was... kind of a long time there. Well, San Guillermo asked me out. I had to make it look real. If I had turned him down, Meredith might have suspected that I was in your crew, or she could have had someone watching me from the moment she picked me out as your mark. Anyway, Oscar gives you some healthy competition... - Oscar? - Helps sell the con. What? Are you jealous? Hmm? Just a little bit? Hmm? I was busy. What's with all this laughing and stuff that was going on? What, mm? Busy listening in on comms, I hope. No, but I -- you were -- You had that kind of like "ha." Getting a few tips and ideas from Oscar? What ideas? Well, ideas about romance and setting the mood and seduction and compliments and... mm, dating stuff. Okay. First of all, I know how to do all that stuff. I know what all that's about. And I know how to date. I've dated before, Sophie. I -- it's how we -- No. I mean, we haven't defined what we are. But we're definitely not dating. - Okay, but -- - Listen, you want to get close to Meredith, then you don't have to actually, you know, seduce me. You just have to convince her that you're capable of seducing me, make it believable. Okay. Here's what -- here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna set up a -- a meet cute, all right? And, um -- and I'm gonna start by saying, "hey" -- No, Nate, Nate, Nate. No, no, no, no, no. - You can't script this. No. - What? Why not? I -- well, if -- if I know what your approach is, then my reactions -- they're not gonna be genuine. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It has to be a real date, and you, my friend, have to be very... very... charming. Ah. - How do you get this -- - Mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh. No. I'm sorry. I have to get my beauty sleep. I have a very hot date with Oscar tomorrow. Tick, tock. All right, this emcee guy's name's Oscar San Guillermo. No priors. He picked Sophie up at 7:20, and they went to a, uh... Swank Bar on Third. He had two mojitos. She had a 2008 Pouilly-Fuissé. What? Did you get the name of the restaurant? - I just said it was Swank. - Why do you have to editorialize? They left Swank at 8:15. They went to a place called La Dolce Vita. They got seated immediately, which is pretty outstanding, considering it's a two-week wait just to get in there. At 11:30, they left. They scheduled a brunch, and he brought her straight home. That's the end. Reservations today are at La Chateau Lyon. Oh, geez. It's La Châtillon. Châtillon. Three-star Michelin rating. It's got a solid 29 Zagat. I mean, this San Gui, he's got -- he's got good taste, man. San Gui? Yeah, short for San Guillermo. He prefers it to Oscar. Ahh. What a day. Yes. What a day. Sometimes it's fun to kick a man when he's down. We set? Oh, sure, right. Speaking of which, did you ever find that steak place? - The bet's off. - What you mean the bet's off? The second that we found out they were grifters, the bet's off. That doesn't count. You didn't set -- Page 189, rule number 7 in the bro handbook. What? There wasn't no rules. You didn't set any rules. The bet is off in a situation where -- - I'll be damned if it's off. - All right, then! I'll make you some prime rib when this is over. Bone in, well-done? - Well-done, bone in. - All right. Man, I love it when restaurants get all corporatey on me. Hacking into La Châtillon's reservation and employee schedule list was a morceau of gâteau. We are in. All right, man, work starts in an hour. You are the sous chef. I am the sommelier visiting from the South African winery. - Sommelier? - Sommelier. - Again? - Yes. Do you want me to teach you about the wines again? That's just hurtful. Just -- just making assumptions and presumptions that I don't know what I'm -- Yes, I need you to teach me about the wines again, yes. Oh. Your sommelier will be with you shortly to pour the malbec. - Enjoy. - Thank you. So lovely. - Bon appétit. - Thank you. You look like you're enjoying yourself. I assume this little gift is from you, Meredith. That's a two-way transmitter. I can hear everything you say and everything she says, so no cheating. Now impress me. Will you be having one of the brunch selections, sir? I will. Flight of reds, please. Have you changed your mind? No, no! No, no. I was just wondering, also, if I could maybe get a five-letter word from you for "makes one's hair stand on end." It's... La Châtillon does not have words on the menu, sir. Enjoy. You seem a little distracted. Oh. Hello. Hello. This is the Argentine malbec. It is characterized by its intense fruity flavor and deep plum color, while it does not have tan-tan-tan... T-tannic -- tannic structure. Tannic structure of a French malbec... Whose texture is more plush, they have been known to show a similar aging potential. You didn't even say the whole thing, Hardison. Hey, come here. Stop. That's -- no. No, go. Put -- sprinkle some sea salt. Just a little salt. Guys, the first address -- it's a marina. I can't search every boat for Meredith's files. I'm heading to the second address. Parker, we're counting on you. The whole date side of this con can go either way. Enjoy. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so - - I'm so sorry. - Oh, my gosh. - No, it's all right. Oh, that's a good idea. That works. That works. I've tried that. - No, no, no. That's enough. Enough. - Let me -- let me take this. - May I -- - Let me -- I said enough! You've done enough. Thank you. Sorry. I... Uh, excuse me, duchess. I, uh... think I'll be a while. Stay right there. I - - I... Ugh! What an idiot. - Allow me. - Thank you, sir. Oh. Thank you. I'm so embarrassed. I, um - - I didn't... prepare for this situation. Yeah, it's all right. I don't often get to play the white knight. Gus McAvoy, distributor. Oh. Scottish? Eh, on my father's father's side. Oh. Please, join me. Oh, thank you very much. Lady Charlotte Prentice. Lady Charlotte Prentice. That's lovely. Tease. Excuse me? Five-letter word, makes your hair stand up. Oh, right. Well, look at that. It's the key to the whole thing. Listen, would you like to, um... get some dessert? There's this wonderful Italian-ice place down by the water. I hear it puts La Châtillon's sorbet to shame. Sounds good. Yeah? Nice hook. Now let's see if you can land her. Hey, brother, here's a $20, man. Can you play something romantic? Something to kind of mix it up a little? He's one of yours. Very nice. Setting the mood. All right, Parker, you got that second address yet? Yeah, I'm in. There's not much here. No wall safe. I'll check the computer and the hard-copy files. Let's just sit right over here. Oh. That was a mistake. The ice plus the shade will give her a chill. Game over. Nice meeting you. Oh, here, let me, uh... Clever boy. Always thinking ahead, aren't you? Eliot, there's nothing here. It's just a front. There's not even a computer to hook up to the monitor. Hang on a second. There's a portrait. It's Lacey. She signed it, "thanks for everything. Heart, Julie." But... facial-recognition app confirms it's her. Eliot, that is our first solid lead. Look, if Lacey signed that photo, she's touched it. That's my thinking, too. Parker, grab the photo. We might be able to tell something from it. - We're close to being done here. - Yeah, I got it. It still only says, "thanks for everything. Heart, Julie." Oh. Ah. Here you go. Hey, it's best to keep the ball right in front of you, always. Sweet. How did you arrange that? Did you ever play catch with your father? Nah. No. No, we went to, uh, Fenway pretty much every year, went to a lot of games. He loved baseball. You had that, at least. We sat there in the stands with our gloves, waiting for a foul ball. Then he was just -- wasn't Jimmy. You know, he was -- he was my dad. I mean, he didn't give me much, but he -- he gave me that. Well, it can't have been all bad if he passed on his passion, even if that passion's for a sport that's not quite cricket. - Cricket? - What? I know my cricket. Give me a batsman, a couple of balls, and... you'll see if I can't outstump him. You really are beautiful. Hmm. - Let's go. - Mm-hmm. Okay. Meredith is off comms. Parker? I'm here. Is Sophie ready? Eliot, Hardison, we need to analyze that portrait. Meet me at the car. Time to get a move on. I thought that's what you have been doing. Listen. I picked you. I didn't pick the others. Hardison, Parker, Eliot -- I picked you. All right? I am impressed. Oh. Seems we have terms to discuss. A new partnership to celebrate. Excellent. Uh... where should we meet? My car's just right over -- Get in. Okay. Looks like Meredith's town car is headed for the marina. I can track the GPS, but Nate's still off comms. I don't like it. This woman's left a lot of bodies in the road. Yeah, but Nate's not a mark. No, it's perfect. He gets close to Meredith, gets access to her files, - while we all -- - Get all "CSI" on the picture. Yeah. Try that one. No. Try that one. It's Lacey. Okay, it matches a Christine Valada. Now, look, it says Lacey/Christine's address is just a few minutes from here. It's Sunday. I bet she's home. Yeah. Let's pay Christine Valada a visit, shall we? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Parker, slow down! Parker! So, come on, 75/25 -- that your best offer? Take it or leave it. Yeah, well, you know, you put it like that, I'm all-in. This is it. Nice boat. It was my late husband's. Permission to come aboard. Granted. This is not what I expected. Me neither. Hello? Hello? Hi, there. Hi. Hi. Christine Valada? Yes, that's me. What can I do for you? Also Lacey Beaumont Wellesley? No. I didn't -- please! I didn't contact him, I swear. Oh, please. Please tell me you haven't hurt Walt. We're not here to hurt anybody. We're here to find you. Wellesley sent us. Don't you think we should get a photo to commemorate this momentous occasion? Plenty of time for that later. Ho! Now, I have a feeling that you know as much about your champagne as you do your whiskey. I find it useful to be conversant. Ah, yes. I suppose it would be remiss of me not to mention that I already have a partner. San Gui. Yes, I hear you prefer that to Oscar. Yeah. Well, well. So, you told Meredith you were done. You wanted out. Once I'd sent her $2 million, I - - I figured she'd allow me to go my own way. You underestimated her greed. I underestimated her fear. My falling in love with a mark meant she could no longer trust me. Oh. She thought you were gonna tell your husband everything. If I so much as contacted Walt, he'd meet with some terrible accident. Just like her late husbands did. She was right. I would have told him the truth. I just hadn't gotten up the courage yet. Do you let them hate the real you or love the fake you? You're saying you didn't know anything about her killing these guys going in. No. I didn't put it all together until they threatened me with Walt. I'd never have joined her crew if I'd known. Hand them over. What... There you go. What? Oh. There. Here we are. Guys, we have a mayday situation. Nate's comm just went online and off again. His GPS is dead, too. You FBI? No. No, no. I'm not a - - I'm not a fed. I'm a thief. Thought if I could get close enough to your files, I could maybe, you know, use your marks or one or two of your girls to start my own scheme. His last-known coordinates were the marina. Yeah, and I still never solved the waterproofing problem. Look, the comms still go out when they're submerged in water. Parker, you're with me. As good as you are, you're not nearly as good as you think you are. It's obvious you don't have what it takes to do what I do. What -- what is it, exactly, you think I'm lacking? Ruthlessness. You're far too vulnerable and open. I've watched you with the duchess. You're half in love with her already, falling prey to the very techniques you employ. Hey, you mean falling in love. There's no such thing as love. Sorry, buddy. Olly olly oxen free. Oh, you're good. So I've been told. I never suspected you at all, not for a moment. Of course not. As good as you are, you're not nearly as good as you think you are. I destroyed his ear bud before I said that. How did you... I heard you go over. If not you, then wh-- Yeah. Come on. Fisticuffs? Really? All right. Let's go. What do you want, 50/50? 60/40? I wasn't lying when I said I was after your records. I'll never give them up. Ah. But you already have. As good as you are, you're not nearly as good as you think you are. Okay, good. It's there. It's all there. All the data -- I'm e-mailing it now to Nate. Right now, all your details are being sent to every rich and powerful mark you have on file. Oh, and your fingerprints -- already been forwarded to the authorities, just in case they want to look into the deaths of all those late husbands. If I were you, I'd start running. Now. Ha! Shall we? Thank you. Mmm! Let's get out of here. True love does exist. May it always prevail. - Hear, hear. - Slainte. Looking for a Miss Devereaux. Mm. That's me. And a Parker. Ooh. Ooh. These ones? Yeah. That's for you. - There you are. - Thanks. I take it all back. Mwah. Every word. - You are romantic. - Ooh. Oh. They're beautiful. It eats flies. Huh. A plant that does something. That's nice. Thanks. Should I feed it mice, like a snake? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - They're my favorite. - It's got teeth. Smell. Uh, they smell nice? It doesn't really smell. I don't recognize this number, which means you shouldn't be talking to me. A call to arms, Mr. Ford. In my dealings, I've discovered an innocent who's been wronged. An engineer's invention was stolen by a corporation. If you and your team acquire the patent, you can prove the company owes him millions. You make a few investments ahead of time, bet against our opponents. A finder's fee. You punish. I profit. Well, it sounds tempting, Latimer, I'll give you that. Something I want, no downside. Problem is, I've made that offer a hundred times to a hundred marks. I know a con when I spin one. No, thanks. We could have been friends, Mr. Ford. I don't need any friends, Latimer. Ah. He wouldn't take the job. You do that, it's war. Well, war it is, then. You're doing well again in the Competition. I was 8th the week before that So it's nice to feel like you're Doing better. And come here with me. ♪ meandisisthe lastones Standing and it's a scary Feeling. Nigel said what it was I need to Work on, to inspire myself. yourpersonality,we needto See it. My advice to you know when to Rein it in. Icameheretotake this Competition and came here to Make my career so much more Brighter and that's what I'm Going to do. weneedwineglasses. da,da,da . looktheshe'sopeningwine . on" america'snexttopmodel" Loved to highlight me drinking. Ilovecousinit, and Ifeel That he me and cousin it were Almost the same. Ihaveto ownthatIdid Drink on "america's next top Model" and ultimately I went to Celebrity rehab and now I choose To not drink so this time Around, I just need to have a Firm grip on' reality and keep My head focused ♪ I'vegotapresent. yea! whatdidmy momsendme? oh,wegotmailtoday. Got. andgettingjustapieceof Home through the the mail is Just encouraging and uplifting. Igotabox fullofwork. Responsibilities. I'm33yearsold ,mypointin My life, my financial Responsibilities are a bit Different than theirs. thisispretty. I'vebeenmodeling,print, Runway, it's been slow and the Business doesn't pay what it Used to, so, there is nothing Coming in from anywhere. My box was full of bills. ♪ todaywasareallyrough Panel, you know, isis went home. I just feel really uneasy like I Feel like my heart is beating Really, really fast and I don't Understand why. myheartis really-- I feel dizzy. whatdidyoutake? three( bleep)ibuprofen. okay,so,kaylatookalot of Medication. whereisshe. she'ssaidherheartbeating-- oh,mygod. Are you okay, baby? Oh, my god. Come on, drink some-- I'mdizzy. I don't want that. drinkthis. Open up of the. oh,mygod. Tell them into an emergency. Oh, my god. it'sokay. (bleep). kayla,she'sgaspingfor air , Her heart rate is speeding like Crazy. Kayla doesn't look good. It's a really, really Frightening situation and goes From frightening to she needs an Ambulance. (siren sounding) kayla,breathe. okay,stepaside. We need to get her to the Hospital right now. ♪ ♪don't you wanna be ♪ ♪don't you wanna be on ♪ ♪so get ready to go ♪ ♪na na na na na ♪ ♪na na na na na na ♪ ♪don't you wanna be on ♪ ♪top ♪ godforbidanythingmajorly Mad happens to her. thingslikethatmakeyousee The bigger picture in life. tellthemit 'san emergency. she'llprobablybe be back Tonight, right? maybe. thisisveryscaryformeto See, you know, kayla be wheeled Off to the hospital like that. I'm hoping that she comes back To this competition, and she's In good health. ♪ I'mhomenow. thankgod. hi. oh,mygod. whoo! wewereso sad. Don't scare me like that, I am He' serious. atthehospitalthe doctor Told me that I had cardiac Arrhythmia, it can be stress he Related, it can be due to Caffeine, it can be due to a lot Of things and when you're in the Top model house, there's going To be some type of stress. Watch, now I'm going to get Eliminated because I'm a Liability. tyramail! itwouldbe acrimetomiss This action. Fierce and love, tyra. Whoo! goingtobe acting. heendedup pullinguptoa Stage, stage 25. We're like, oh, what are we Doing here? youguyslookfantastic Today. whoo. thankyou. andfeelinggoodtoday? yeah. andnow,today,you guyshave A huge opportunity. You guys are going to be Auditioning for a role on one of The highest rated television Shows... Csi: Crime scene Investigation. whoo! Ithinkit 'sabig factor, Most girls here want to go into Acting, but I don't see any of The girls being able to do Everything. I feel like I can do everything. comeon,let'sgoonto the Set and take a look. Follow me. oh. cool,huh? Ifeellikewe'reinthe Actual place. csi,whichis likethe number One show ever in the world. oh,wow. thisisthebiggestprizeso Far. now,we'rein autopsyroomb. And if you're a fan of the show You've probably seen this room And all the props and everything That's going on. And helping me judge today's Challenge is the creator and Executive producer of the entire Csi franchise, anthony zuiker. hey! oh! oh,mygosh! wow. sothisis anthony,thisman Is in charge of everything csi That you see. wow,meetinganthonyzuiker Was an amazing experience for Me, god forbid I find his e-mail Address, ill he' send him Audition tapes like crazy. welcometocsi. The winner of this challenge Will air in a fall episode this Season. we'regoingup forarole on Csi. One of the biggest franchises in Television history, I'm going to Try to do my best. now,youhave30 minutesto Memorize a scene. takea look. Iwrotethescene,sodo it Justice. withcsitheyuse alotof Medical terminology, half the Words are longer than my face. Even though I just left the Emergency room last night and Trying to keep myself calm, I Can't lie, I'm really nervous. what'syourquestion. helpuswiththe-- I'lltellyourightnowthe Gored is gas chromatograph mass Spectrometer. gaschromatographmass Spectrometer. don'tgivethemany more. goodluck! ♪ Acting is something that I've Done growing up, living in los Angeles and hollywood and I Think it's definitely, to Remember all of those lines in 30 minutes is insane. gastro-- It's an extremely big one and Maybe a permanent character on The show. I'm like nervous. gotoyourfirstmark . Idon'twanttofail at Acting. Whoever wins is definitely going To get paid. ontonsof energy,objection. doctorrobbins? speaking. allright,I'mmarley Territo, your intern from wlvu. welcometothehouseofthe Dead. You are just in time. We need to saw off the cranium So I can examine the brain. Would you care to do the honors? honorofwhat,slicingoff His head? wouldyoucaretodothe Honors? honorsofwhat? Cutting off his head? caretodo thethe honors? Ijustforgotmyline (buzzer). tellmeaboutyourfindings Back at the lab. accordingtotox,the results From the, and I couldn't Remember the big word. thegaschromatographmass (buzzer) Ipsychedmyselfout . Humiliating. andit'srighttoactinand We want to see if they can Transition from being a model Into had an actress and pulling Off medical jargon and being in The moment. Why don't you tell me about your Results and findings from the Lab? accordingtothetox results Of the mass, gas, spectrometer, And promethydine and Metamorphine and all kinds of Stuff. thegasfromthe-- damn. accordingtotheresultsof The gas mattic meter. anda mixtureof biotin, Neosporin and-- Biotin neosporin and mehta-- Ilovethatyou forgotthe Medical jargon and decided to Throw in neosporin. there'sa mixtureof hydro Cordone, bring ttanicals. andhydocodineand Barbiturates. you'regood,doctor. and-- (buzzer) great,thankyou. thankyouverymuch. thisisthekindofshowat Csi that they have to stay on Script. theyhaveto . allright,angelea,are you Ready? hi,hello,ready? goingintotheaudition,I Got the most talent up in this Biz, let me tell you, I sing, I Act, I model, fans love me, Everybody love me, I look good. thinkinga littleof the771 Mitt bring the magic into it. I'mmarleyterrito,intern From wlvu. tellmethelab . accordingtogas Chromatograph mass spectrometer Detected barbiturates, Hydrocodone. Idon'tknowwho you are ,I Met you an hour ago, you have The possibility to win this Challenge, you actually are that Good. Ididgreat. angeleagotskills. I did my thing. bye. hi,howareyou doing? areyoureadytodothis. I'mexcitedaboutthe Challenge, but not excite today Read the medical terms. action. welcometothehouseofthe Dead. I'mpetrified. I'mscaredandtryingit Remember the two stupid words, Okay, according to tox, the Results from the gas Chromatograph mass spectrometer Detected a mixture of Barbiturates, methamphetamines And hydrocodone. great. Really nice job. Inailedit ,I'msohappy. allright,sendinlisa . hi. soareyoureadytodo this? yeah,it'sbeenawhileand So that the lines to go by, but I'm going to do the best I can. allright. yeah. breaka leg. action. hi,I 'mmarleyterrito. youyou'rejustintime ,we Need to saw off the top of this Cranion and examine his brain. Care to do the honors? um,youwantmeto(bleep) onemore,herewego. aftermyfirsttake,I'm Freaking out. All the lines in my head are Like falling to pieces, I don't Remember. wouldyoucaretodothe Honors? (bleep) cut. andawesome,great. action,doc,welcometothe House of the dead. You're just in time. torememberallthe linesis Insane. I had an hour and a half of not Looking at it. wouldyoucaretodothe Until that night. I didn't want to do what he wanted me to do, so I... I took the lamp from the nightstand and I smashed it over his head. I ran out screaming for Valerie, but... He got me before I made it, and he hit me. Threw me down the stairs. I got knocked unconscious. That's when I had the stroke that messed me up. I told Valerie... What he had done and what he had been doing. But she didn't believe me. She knew what I knew. You lied then, just like you're lying now. Mr. Gilbert, be quiet! Because you don't want these people to know what kind of girl you really are. What? What? It's the truth. Bailiff! Bailiff! What? It's the truth. Take your seats! Bailiff! Everyone, take your seats! H you know, you're lucky the judge let you off with how you could b I thought more violence wasn't the answer. Yeah, sometimes it's the only answer. I was going to ask if you were okay, but I don't know how you could be. I just... you know, I want to fix it. I'm her dad. That's what dads do... they fix things. Parents can't always fix things, Nate. Sometimes all you can do is show up and be there. Whatever kind of support I can give, I want to give it. Even if I'm dating Emma? Because I love her, dad, and that isn't changing. Either way, I'm here. The worst isn't what trey did. What hurt the most was Valerie. She just believed whatever she wanted to believe, and it wasn't me. Lux, I had no idea. She said that she was going to be my mom forever. That I was her daughter. And she just threw me away. I think that's what really wrecked me. She chose him over me. Why didn't you tell me? I mean, no, no, no. I know why you didn't tell me. But you know you could have, right? I just... I... I didn't want to risk it again. Risk what? Telling the truth and having another mom not believe me. I just... I don't think I could take losing another mom. I can't take losing you. Oh, my God. Kid... Listen to me. I am here, and I am not going anywhere. Okay? You have to really know that, you have to hear it. You couldn't lose me if you tried. We need to talk. Cate, we can't. Look, Valerie, you and I, we are the same. When I gave up Lux, I told myself that it was for her own good. I-I convinced myself that that was the truth, that she would have this better life without me, because that was a story that I could live with. And I think that you've told yourself a story, too. You've told yourself that the problem is Lux. And I get why you don't want to believe her. You know it meant believing that your husband is a sick, sick man. Right? It pulls a thread that pulls your entire life apart. But you know Lux... And you know the truth. Look, being a parent, it means putting your kid first. And you were her mom once. Be her mom again. Where's Valerie? What happened? Did she leave? Uh, I'm not sure. The judge called the prosecutor and the defense lawyers into chambers a while ago. All rise. There has been a new development. As I have just informed counsel Valerie Gilbert has come forward privately and corroborated the testimony of Lux Cassidy. Now, in light of that, I find that Natasha Siviac held reasonable belief that trey Gilbert was an imminent physical threat, and that Natasha Siviac's use of force against him, in defense of her friend, is justified. I see no reason to prolong this hearing. Does the state have any objections? We do not, your honor. Then the state's petition against the minor, Natasha Siviac, on the count of assault in the second degree is hereby dismissed. However... The court is sustaining the lesser counts. Violating the terms of your independent living, missing curfew, and trespassing on private property. I am recommending the minimum punishment two months in a juvenile offender facility, which will require that you stay in a secured school and attend counseling. After that, you are free to return to independent living. This court is adjourned. Hey. So, what's going on there? The DA's pressing charges against trey. With Valerie's testimony, he's facing jail time. Yeah. Thank you, fern. Lux... I am so sorry. It's okay. No. It's not. But I'm glad that you are. Oh, thanks for being here. It has meant so much to all of us. Yeah. Thanks for everything. Nothing's changed, right? With us? No, no. Nothing's changed. Go ahead. Valerie? Lux, hi. I, uh... I wanted to say... Thank you. Thank you for what you did in there. And for what you didn't do four years ago. Thank you for not believing me. Because if you had, I never would have left your house. I never would have decided to get emancipated. I never would have found Cate and Baze. So thank you For not acting like anything close to a mom. 'Cause that's what lead me back to mine. Don't worry. At this early stage, it sometimes takes a while to find the fetus. Oh, see that? Oh, my God. It's so tiny. It's about the size of a blueberry. That's your baby. Wow. Hey, I think it has your nose. It may not be a nose. We can't tell the sex quite yet. You keep doing what you're doing... taking good care of your baby. I will. Hey! So, what did the doctor say? We are having a blueberry! That's awesome Baze went all out, huh? My last night of freedom for two months. I can't believe I have to leave first thing in the morning. Tash, I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for ever letting you think that I would choose anyone over you. You know, it wasn't... Look, it wasn't about Eric. It was just me being ashamed of my screwed-up past. I get it. I do. And I knew it was bad. But not that bad. And the only thing I'm sorry for is that I only hit that bastard once. I don't know how I'll ever repay you. Well... You can grab me, like, a wad of singles, um, some cigarettes, a case of soda. It's like hard currency in juvie. Well, I think there might be a case of soda downstairs with your name on it. Yes! If you don't mind that the cans are charred. No. Here you go. Just one glass. Nate, you got any more? Uh, downstairs on the bar. I'll grab it. Hold on a second. We're toasting. Okay. Um, okay. A little agua for the baby mama. Ooh. What are we toasting? What aren't we toasting? We got everybody? We got everybody. Um, to Tasha, who... thank God... is not going to a federal penitentiary. Although you would've rocked the orange jumpsuit. Thank you. To Cate and Ryan. And the blueberry. And to Lux, who is entirely to blame for all of this. I mean, if you hadn't shown up on my doorstep in that little "don't bug me" shirt and straight-jacketed me with fatherly responsibility, I wouldn't have had to get my act together. I would have never had a real career, a real relationship... No, I would be here, trying to smoke out of a bong-lamp, eating turkey jerky in my boxers. Mm. So, let's all raise a glass to the reason that we are all here together. To the best thing that could have happened to all of us. We're crazy. We're unconventional. We're often inappropriate. But no matter what, we're your family. To Lux. To Lux. Love you, kiddo. Cheers. Bottoms up. Hey, long-distance clinking. Clink. Clink. Hey. Hey. Uh, if you could hurry up with the champagne. Since Cate's not drinking, she's force feeding Cate get along. Wow. You're as controlling here as you are at work. It's nice you and Cate get along. I'm surprised there's not some jealousy. Well, you know, most people who are jealous rarely admit it. Jealous? No, no. I'm not jealous of you and Nate. Questioning your motives for dating my son? Yes. Questioning your integrity... You know, I wouldn't question my integrity. No? No. I'm the one who told you what was going on with Lux and Tasha. I'm the reason you were at that courthouse today, that you and Nate are back in a good place. And last I checked, I'm not the one who cheated on my wife with my employee, and made promises he had no intention of keeping. Well... What happened in the past is the past. You've met Mr.Daniels. - You're a... - Teacher. Tasha was just protecting me,because she knew that he had hit me before when I lived with him. She was afraid he was gonna hit me again. Nothing you say on that stand's gonna change how anyone in that room feels about you. Or how I feel. Go back in there and tell them the truth. I was afraid he was going to force me to have sex with him. That's a lie! She's lying! So,what's-what's going on there? The D.A.'s pressing charges against Trey. Nothing's changed,right? With us? No,no. Nothing's changed. Nate,think fast. Dad. I'm not the one who cheated on my wife with my employee, and made promises he had no intention of keeping. What happened in the past... is the past. Rise and shine. Unless I've been asleep for a week, aren't we supposed to be on break from work? Well,we might have the week off, but today is Lux's first day back at school, so I thought we could have a family breakfast. You know,as a family. Five more minutes. I'm making French toast. That's perfect. The fire alarm will wake me up. Stop. Stop. Stop it! - You ever gonna let me get out of bed? - No. No,I love having you in my bed. And on my couch. And in my shower. Ah! Actually,about the shower... Sorry about that. But you know what? That calf cramp came out of nowhere. No,no,no. Not that. It's,uh,your bathroom. It-It smells like someone's been stir-frying socks in there. And can you ask Math not to leave his tube of foot cream on the sink? - Cause that was a close call. - Yeah. I know that my living situation is not exactly ideal. In fact,I,um... I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I want to show you something. Hold on. Okay. - It's a house. - I see that. Yeah,it's a little out of my price range, but after I paid for everything with Lux, I still have over half of that bonus I got from signing Candy. Thank you. And I worked out a deal with my dad. If I fix up the bar,we can sell the building and split the profits. Which will easily put me in the clear for a down payment. - wow! This is huge. - Yeah,and it's long overdue. Look,I've... God,I have had a great time living in this loft, but I think it's time I grow up. You know,get away from the revolving door of roommates, the noise,the mess,Math's foot cream. This house is the first step in me thinking about my future,and... I just want you to know I see you in i - In the house? - No,in my future. I mean,obviously in the house,too, because that's-that's where I'll be living in the future. And I'm not asking you to move in with me right away,but eventually. Because I'm in this with you,Emma. For the long haul. - Lux! Breakfast! - I'm not hungry! Oh,come on! Yes,you are! I'm wearing an apron and everything! Come on! The eggs and toast are getting cold. Nobody likes a cold breakfast. Lux? Would you come down here already? - Lux! - I'm coming! Oh,good. I hope you didn't feel any pressure. All right,so... What do you want for breakfast? We've got eggs. We've got fruit. French toast. Oh,and there's,uh... There's fake bacon... Maybe just some toast. Not the French kind. The regular,edible kind. - It's pregnancy hormones. - What? Oh,just gonna have some of this fake bacon. Okay,so,Lux,after school today,I want you to go over to Baze's office. And you can hang out there and do your homework until he's done with work, and then he will bring you back here. I don't need a babysitter. Lux,Trey is out on bail. So? So,we pressed charges against him. He is roaming free until the trial. I don't want him coming after you. From now on,I want to know where you are at all times. Hey. You know what might be easier? If you install a LoJack system in my butt. - Is it cool if I walk to the car by myself? - That's very funny. All right,well,I'm in the hall! Walking out the door! Bye! Hey,Cate,listen,um... You need to relax. You know what's not relaxing? Having you constantly tell me to relax. Look,I can't relax. That man,he hurt her in more ways than one. I know. It's horrible to even think about it. But look,you know,that was a long time ago. There's-There's nothing you can really do about it now. I can just make sure that it doesn't happen again. It won't,okay? It won't. But y-you've got to stop smothering her. I mean,Lux isn't dwelling on it. And I don't think reminding her every two seconds is... useful. Look,she's really trying to move on. I think you should,too. Hey,your French toast is great. This bacon,not so much. Listen,Jack,I gave the syndicate manager my IPO allocations. Yeah,you know... Can... Let's just talk about this when I get in. Mm-hmm. Yeah,I'll be there in 20. Baze,honestly,I-I could have just walked to school. No way. Cate would kill me. Besides,I want you to see this. What,are you buying a house? - What? When did this happen? - Well,it hasn't. I mean,not yet. - It's big. Bigger than Cate's. - I know. Look,it's time you have your own room. I mean,one with actual walls and not shower curtains. Plus,Emma's going to move in at some point,and I want there to be space for her,too. So,come on,ladies. I want you to see the inside. Just a little... - little walkthrough. - Uh...actually,Baze? Can I just talk to Emma about something real quick? Girl stuff. See you inside. You're not going to say anything? About you and his dad? You can't just let him dump his life savings into this house for you, if you might not even be there to live in it. Believe it or not,there's no good time to tell the guy you're dating that you used to sleep with his father. Well,the truth always comes out eventually. So you are going to have to figure out a way to tell him, or find a way to keep him from buying this house for the two of you. - You're a hard guy to get ahold of. - Lux,hey. I sent you,like,50 texts. Did you not get any of them? My parents' place has really bad reception. And,uh,holidays with my family... You know,I barely had any time to myself. Two bad excuses instead of one? You really know how to show a girl you care. I guess I just needed some time to think about things. And what do you think? I don't know. This whole thing has been kind of a lot,I guess. Okay. Eric,I-I know. I know it's screwed up,but I've been thinking,too. And if you didn't work here,this would not be an issue. Or if I didn't go here. - Lux,but I do. And you do. - Not for long. Look,Baze - he is buying a house in another district. I could... I could change schools,and you wouldn't be my teacher. We could almost be a normal couple. I said,"almost. " You should probably get to class. Okay,well,just... Come over Tasha's place. It's empty until she gets back from juvie. We could hang out. You could get your Christmas present. You could spend the night. We could spend the night together. - We shouldn't do that. - Okay. I'm not just talking about that. The last time you spent the night,you slept on the floor. I just... I want to be together. I need to. What about,um,Cate and Baze? - They're not just going to let you stay out all night. - Then I will figure something out. Okay? You show up to Tasha's,and I will take care of everything else. Okay. So,is it a date? Yeah. It's a date. life unexpected Season 01 Episode 12 I got great news. You talked to Math about the foot cream? I might be able to get the house sooner than I thought. What? Wow. Well,I talked to the owner. Apparently,the house is underwater. And after a few awkward minutes of thinking that he was talking about a plumbing problem... he said he'd be willing to sell it to me for less. So I think I'm gonna make him an offer. You know,before anyone beats me to it. But I thought you needed the money from selling the bar. I'll need it for the mortgage,but with the lower price,I have enough for the down payment. - What? - No. I-I...think it's fantastic. I do... Well,why do I get the feeling that there's a big,hairy "but" hanging out there? No,no. No hairy "buts. " Look,I-I just... I want to make sure that you're... you're doing this for you,you know,because it's what you really want. You know,not for us. Of course it's what I want. For me and us. Right. Right. But,I mean,you... you'd be buying the house anyway? Right? Even if there was no "us"? Okay,what do you mean,"no us"? Weren't we just talking about the long haul? We are,but... There's just no easy way to say this. What? Just say it. Spit it out. Emma,what? - S - Sam. It's Sam. - What about him? It's just been so hard,you know,since he got here, and I wonder if it's just because things are moving too fast for him. I mean,you two barely even know each other. So,we'll get to know each other. I'm on it. Little dudes? They love me. - Right. - See? Problem solved. - What are you doing here? - Uh,waiting for Baze. Apparently,you're not the only one that requires adult supervision now. I heard Tasha got sent away. That ought to lower your profile. Can you leave me alone? Why don't you get your boyfriend to baby-sit you? He seems like an upstanding guy. - Breaking the law aside. - He's not breaking the law. Oh,so you guys haven't sealed the deal yet? You know,in some social circles that's called statutory rape. Okay,you can stop talking anytime. Are you going to see him tonight? Is that why you looked so happy at school today? What? You should tell him next time he's gonna hook up with a student, he should have his heart to hearts in a classroom that's not made of glass. Okay. Go to hell. I've missed our little talks. Hey,kiddo. You ready? You have no idea. - Hey,Sam,your mom has got to work late tonight. The good news is it gives us a little chance to spend some time together. - What do you say? - Pass. You only doin' one-word answers? Trust me,the more words he says,the worse it is. Come on,your mom's cool with it. It'll be fun. We can,uh... I don't know. We can fire up the Wii. We can order some pizza,crack open some beer... Root beer for you. Don't get that look on your face. Only if Lux comes. I mean,you don't have any plans with anyone tonight,do you? Actually,I-I do. With Cate. Celebrity Rehab marathon. Since she can't drink,she just wants to watch a bunch of people who can't,either. All right. Well,then,it sounds like it's just the two of us. Men. Bonding. Like men. Bonding. I'm,um... I'm gonna grab my bag,and then we will split. Yes. Celebrity Rehab marathon? That's the best lie you could come up with? You realize what you're doing with Mr. Daniels is really messed-up,right? Okay,what I am doing is none of your business. You want to talk about people doing messed-up things,maybe you should talk to your mom. - What about her? - The top of the list? She's about to move in with Baze. - Ready,kiddo? - Yeah. Sam,coming? Do you really think we need all these? You're only two months pregnant. - Isn't this all a little premature? - Yeah,well,what if our baby is? I mean,will you listen to this? "Changing your baby can be a challenge for new parents, "but maintaining contact is integral to the baby's safety. "Countless mothers have turned their backs "for a split second, had their babies roll onto the floor and die on impact. " I mean,die on impact? - You're overwhelming our fetus. - You know what,it's the truth. Anything can happen at anytime. All we can do is be prepared. You know,maybe you should go the hardware store across the street and pick up those,like,child - proofing clips. Okay,yeah. I think there's a bar next door. - Eric. Hey. - Hey. Hi. Uh,Happy New Year. You,too. - Ah. Eeyore,You're the Greatest. - Uh,it's for my niece. Hmm... Oh,congratulations on the baby. I didn't get a chance to tell you. Yes. Well,thank you. Just catching up on a little reading. Look,I just,I really want to thank you for being at Lux's trial. You know,it really meant a lot to her,to all of us. Sure. Is everything okay? Yeah,it's funny. You know,there's a million books on babies, but I guess books that deal with horrible mothers that give up their kids to horrible situations are not bestsellers. Cate,you can't beat yourself up over that. Okay,you've done everything that you could for Lux now. You have to believe that. You're the one that's been great to her. You know,you helped diagnose her learning disability,you got her to be honest on the stand. We would have never known the truth without you. Eric,after everything... after Trey,I just really want to thank you for being an adult in Lux's life that she can trust. Someone I can trust. Um,it's good to see you. I - I got to run. Hey,what's up with this thing? Oh. No,you just have to push down on-on the latch. Oh,you child-proofed it already? Yeah,well,you're not letting me take care of one kid, so I'm gonna take care of the other. Going to Baze's. He wants me to help clean the bar. Okay,that's fine. That is fine. I am just gonna drive you. What - Okay,Cate! What,are you gonna drive me around for the rest of my life? No,not for the rest of your life. I - look,I just want to protect you. Okay,well,just back off. I don't need protecting,and I don't want it. I'm fine. Okay,well,you know,you don't seem fine. Listen,you can call it maternal instinct or whatever it is that you want to call it, - but Lux,you just,you don't seem okay. - What I'm not okay with is you micromanaging me, you being on top of me and you reminding me every three seconds what happened. I just want to forget about it. I want everyone to forget about it. Cate,she can walk to Baze's. I mean,it's broad daylight. Ryan,no. You can't be on top of her all the time; we talked about this. Yes,we did talk about this. And what if something happens to her? Nothing is gonna happen to me. The past - I've dealt with it. Now,if you can't,then that's your problem. Whoa,Cate,Cate,come on. Just let her go,all right? Wow. Still a dump. It actually looked a lot like this the first time I ever saw the place,back in 2007. I renovated it,installed the bar. I picked out every detail,you know,right down to the shot glasses. You know,you should record that and put it on one of those museum headsets. - It's fascinating. - That's funny. Hey,um,can you help me move this? I got to,I got to get a bunch of stuff out the back so that the junk removal guy can take it. You realize you found me outside my mom's office,not outside of a hardware store. You're not here because I want free manual labor. You're here so we can spend some time together. You think I don't know what you're doing? Lux told me about the house. You don't have to suck up to me to move in with my mom. Clearly,I'm not stopping her. Well,actually,you are. She doesn't want to do anything that you're not okay with. My mom doesn't give a crap about what I'm okay with. My mom doesn't even want me. She doesn't even like me. That's why she sent me off to my dad's for the holidays,and you know what? He doesn't want me,either. He moved in with his stupid-ass girlfriend and gave her snotty kid my room, and now my mom's moving in with you. Where am I to go? Back to boarding school? Maybe she'll find an excuse to put me back into rehab. So if you want help cleaning up this stupid bar so you can all move into a stupid house without me, you can get your own damn kid to help you out. Hey,Sam. Sam. Really? A text? You're gonna blow me off,and-and you can't even say it to my face? I can't keep doing this,okay? I - I can't. Since when? Since when can you not do this anymore? Since you heard about what Trey did. - Hey,hey... - No,no. Let go of me! - Hey,just... - No. You said telling the truth wouldn't change anything. You said that if I got up on that stand and I told the truth, that everyone who loved me would keep loving me. That it wouldn't change how anyone felt. That it wouldn't change how you felt. Lux,I know. I know what I said,but it did. It changed things... This is why I didn't want to say anything. I knew you'd look at me like I was disgusting,or like I wanted him to... What? No,no,no,no,no,that's not it at all,okay? Do you understand? Listen,it's not how I'm looking at you. It's how I'm looking at me. I am not any better than Trey. - I'm doing the same thing that he did. - No,you are nothing like him! You... No,no,no. You are... You are a good person. Look,you have helped me in ways that no one else ever has. You understand me in ways that I didn't think anyone ever could. What we're doing is wrong. It's always been wrong. - No. - Yes. - Okay,at the trial,after hearing what Trey did... - Don't let him keep doing it! He's ruined everything for me. He ruined it back then,and he is ruining it again. It was bad enough that I lost Valerie because of him,and now what? What,I'm losing you,too? No,no,you want to go,then just go. You want to bail on me? You want to bail on tonight? - Listen,I am not... I'm not bailing! - You want to bail on us? Okay? I'll be at Tasha's tonight,okay? I'll... I'll be there. Isn't this like kidnapping or something? Come here. I said I would bring you home. We're just... we're making a little pit stop. So... What do you think? You can add breaking and entering to the arrest warrant? All right,look at,this right here - this is the living room. We just got to find a cool place for Lux's bong lamp. Follow me. Down this hall,we have the master bedroom for,you know,me and your mom. It's got one of those bathrooms with the double showerhead situation. Oh,sorry about that visual. Anyway,we got Lux's bedroom upstairs,and you... Well,you know,you've got some options. I was thinking the basement. Now,hold on. Because I think Lux- she's more of an upper-level resider,coming from the attic and all. And that way,you can blare your music,you can stink up the place, you can surf the Web with a little bit of privacy. Although,you got to clear your browser history,man,'cause that's... That's the downfall. Look,I know it may be hard to believe,but nobody is kicking you to the curb. At least I'm not. There's room for you here,if you want it. Cate. What are you doing here? Um,Lux - she wasn't answering her phone,so I went over to the loft,and... Math said that you were here. Um... is she not with you? No,she's supposed to be with you watching some Celebrity Rehab thing. Uh,that's what she said,right? Um,I-I think so. Do you really? 'Cause it seems like you were lying,like that was a lie. - Okay,Cate? - What? It's not like he hasn't covered for her before. Does my car ring a bell? Cate,he's not covering. Sam is a good kid. So nice to know that you two are so close. You have no idea where our daughter is,but... Yeah,because she was supposed to be with you,Cate! You cannot come over here and accuse me of screwing up,accuse Sam of hiding things, when you're the one who let her walk out the door. If Sam knew anything,he would have told us,okay? You-You would tell me,right? You don't know where Lux is. Sam? Have you checked Tasha's apartment? Why would Lux be at Tasha's apartment? She wouldn't be there alone. I didn't say she was alone. Come on in. - Uh... hey. - Where is he? - What? Where's who? - Are you kidding me,Lux? No. What... Sam - he told us everything. About you and Mr. Daniels. Mr. Daniels,as in my...my tutor,Mr.Daniels? Mr. Daniels,as in the guy who stood in my loft on Thanksgiving,lying to our faces. You know,the guy that I thanked today for taking such good care of you? Lux? - What? No,Cate! - Are you dating him? Sam is lying,okay? Lux and I have been... seeing each other. It started before I even knew that she was a student. I met her downstairs at the bar the night of the fire. I took her to see the ocean. It's not true. Whatever Sam said,it's not true. Why don't we ask Sam? Because he's downstairs in my car. He's just gonna lie again. You can't believe him,okay? He hates Mr. Daniels because he's failing his class,and he's pissed at me because... because I don't like him. I mean,he tried to blackmail me into kissing him on Thanksgiving. - With what? - What? I mean,when somebody is blackmailing you,generally, that means that they know something that you don't want other people to know. That... That Jones and I have been dating. - Behind Tasha's back? - Yes. And Sam is jealous. That-That is who all of this is for is for Jones. That's why I wanted to leave the house. That's why I didn't want you to drive me. I - I'm sorry. But you know what? We should... we should go. And we should go,before Jones shows up and feels really stupid,okay? All right? Let's just... let's just go. ****** Lux,get back here. We are still talking about this. No,we're not. Maybe-Maybe Sam was lying. Maybe she didn't. What? ! You're the one that said he wasn't! It's really great to know that you guys would believe some dirt bag kid who you barely know over... - Lux? - Eric. I told Math. About us. About... - Are you kidding me? - Baze,stop! It is done. You are going to be fired,I'm gonna get you arrested, thrown into jail,put on one of those lists. - Let go of him! - Let people know what a freak you are. - Baze! Wait. - Not like this,man. I swear to God,if you ever touch her,I will beat you senseless. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant for it to go this far. - So whatever you choose to do,I deserve it. - You're right. You do deserve it. I'm gonna call the police. And whatever life you have,you consider it over. No,Baze. Okay,look,this... this is not Eric's fault. Yes,it is. You... You knew what she had been through. All right,you knew what happened to her. You were supposed to be her teacher, not some sicko who takes advantage of a kid who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if she was sitting next to it in study hall. What,like you do? You don't know... You don't know anything. You don't know anything about me and Eric or our relationship! But why would you? You don't know anything about your own relationship,either. - Enlighten me. - Emma. She had an affair with your dad. Lux,what... what are you talking about? It's exactly what I said. Emma - she,uh... she had an affair with your dad when you two weren't dating. Okay,Lux,stop. Stop lying. We know that you are angry,but you cannot take this out on Baze. I'm not lying,Cate. - Why are you making this up? - How could I make this up? Why do you think that she was so reluctant to date you? Why do you think that your dad got so angry at Thanksgiving that he threatened to fire you? I mean,come on. It's kind of a red flag,don't you think? Baze. Wait up. Wait up. - I should go. - No. Eric,no. No,Lux. Yes,he should go. Lux? No! No! Look,Cate! I can... I can explain things,okay? We-We can explain things. There doesn't have to be any-any police or-or school boards or whatever else,okay? - I can fix things. - Lux,we can't fix it! We can't fix it,Lux. I told Math because I had to blow it up. I - I don't want to do this anymore,okay? I don't want to be a person who does this. Eric,please,please. - Lux. Lux. No. Lux. - No! This is all your fault! What? Lux! If you hadust left things alone,if you hadn't gone to Valerie's,then, then I wouldn't have gone,and Tasha wouldn't have gotten in trouble, and there never would've been a trial. Yes,then what,Lux? Huh? You would still be having some secret affair with your teacher? Because that is so not okay. What is not okay? That he was there for me when you weren't? Where the hell have you been? He is the one who helped me in school. He is the one who figured there was something wrong with me. You know something,Lux? I have been trying to help you. - I have been trying to be here for you. - What have you been trying to do? Baby-proof the place like a crazy person, maniacally trying to protect this unborn kid because you feel guilty that you couldn't protect me! Okay,listen to me! I cannot apologize for this anymore. I am so sorry that I wasn't there. I am not talking about the last 16 years,Cate. Where have you been the past few months? Fighting with Ryan,trying to have another kid. - Eric has been there for me when you haven't. - Hey,you know something? You cannot say that I haven't been there,because I have been here. Everything - every single thing I have done since you have come back into my life has been for you. - Whatever. - Whatever"? No. I rushed to marry Ryan for you. To give you the life that you wanted. I took a job that I didn't even want for our family,and I have paid for doctors, and teachers and specialists. But you know what? No matter what I do,nothing keeps you from throwing what I didn't do in my face. Lux,I know that I wasn't there to protect you. I did not protect you from Trey hurting you,or Valerie turning her back on you, but I can be there to protect you from Eric,and that is exactly what I am doing. No,I don't need protection from him. Stop treating me like a kid,don't you get it? You have done more damage to me than he has. Okay,the fact that you even think that,that you don't see how wrong this whole situation is, it just proves what a child you are. So you can stay here,or you can come home with me, but let me just make one thing clear to you: You are never seeing Eric Daniels again. Because I am your mother. Hey. - You didn't make that much progress. - Yeah. Turns out it wasn't worth the effort. Wait. Is that beer? Sam. Could you give your mom and I a sec? - Hey,Baze? Thanks for the basement. - Yeah. Sure. What happened? Did he do something? w long did it last? What? The affair. With my dad. How long did it last? Four years. It's,it's... over. It ended a year ago. And then you just started dating me? We... We fell in love. It's not like I,I planned it. - It's not like I meant to,it... - What are you talking about? - With me or my dad? - I meant you. Were you going to tell me? No. I knew if I did,I would lose you. Yeah. Right. You just did. Hey,hey,hey! It's all right. It's all right. No,you told me that I was pushing her too hard,but I knew that something was wrong. No,no,Cate. I was wrong. Okay? I was wrong. That you knew something wasn't right,I... I never should have told you what to do with Lux,okay? You know better than I do how to protect her. If I do what I think I have to do... she's going to hate me more than she already does. Maybe that's the price you have to pay to protect your kid. Yeah,it's Baze. Okay. So,um,here's what's going to happen: You are going to resign from your job, you're going to pack your bags and you are going to leave town immediately. Okay. And if you ever make contact with our daughter again,we go to the police. Okay? I understand. Um,uh,wait. Uh... I want you guys to know... that I love her. I,I know what I did,there's no excuse. But I do love her. Um,I know that I-I can't say good-bye,but,um... this is her Christmas present. I got it after that camping trip. I mean,you guys don't have to give it to her now,you know,or ever. But it's to,uh,teach her what I should have taught her in the first place. To find her way without me. life unexpected Season 02 Episode 12 Previously on "Revenge"... Daddy! When I was a child, my father was framed for a crime he didn't commit. Daddy! Amanda! We need to get our stories straight in case her memory does return. The guy had it out for you. You didn't have to kill him. Frank admitted trying to kill Lydia for you. Did you fix the phone? Put it on your porch, and Frank's wallet. Our problem is, we've been playing way too nice. Amanda's on a flight to Paris tonight. I think I might just stay a while. I was the last person in this house to defend you, mom, and now you've lost me, too. It's been written that a lover is apt to be as full of secrets from himself as is the object of his love from him. For my father, the secrets withheld by the woman he loved proved powerful enough to destroy him. I'm just now beginning to understand the enormity of that burden. Hey there, early bird. No swim this morning? No, just enjoyed the sunrise. Did you sleep well? Better than you, I'm guessing. I heard you get up in the middle of the night again. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm still getting used to someone sleeping next to me. You got any plans today? You're looking at 'em. Why? Grayson Global does this "Business by the beach" thing every summer. It starts off with an employee volleyball game this afternoon. And all this time, you thought you would hate this job. Well, the jury's still out, but I did tell my dad I'd at least give it a shot, so... can you come back me up? Always. Okay, thank you. Ashley? Lydia, everything okay? Bring me my wheelchair. - Shall I get Mrs. Grayson? - No. Help me find my phone. I need to call Conrad. Okay. Lydia, what on earth? The doctor was very specific about keeping you rested. I'll take it from here. Yes, Mrs. Grayson. Oh, and, Ashley, I've e-mailed you an updated list of her medications. So will you please call them in and bring them here as soon as possible? Yes, Mrs. Grayson. Hey. Hey, beautiful. Want to watch me crush Daniel in a round of corporate volleyball? I would love to, but I have to run errands for little Mary suicide. The queen's treating her like a broken baby bird. It's positively unsettling. You have all day to run errands. Come cheer me on. I'll meet you down there. That boat's almost as handsome as her captain. Kara, hey. So, uh, who's Amanda, an old girlfriend? Ah, it's more like a childhood crush. So did you stay at Nolan's last night? Nah. I found a motel not too far from here. You sail? No. But I make a hell of a passenger. All right. Well, listen, I gotta open up the bar, but if you feel like hanging out, I'll take you for a spin around the harbor after lunch. - Mm. - All right? I'd like that. So would I. A spin... Whoo! Look alive, Ty! Side-out, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen to the new guy, huh? Nice. All right. Come on. Who's serving? Notice how the boys managed to get us rooting for opposing teams again? Well, Tyler's nothing if not competitive. More like driven. Speaking of... You didn't let the grass grow under your bum before shacking up with his royal gorgeousness. We are not shacking up. He's just staying with me for a little while until things settle down for him at home. Fat chance of that happening anytime soon. Victoria's been especially nasty since she kicked Mr. Grayson out and moved his mistress in. I swear, these people are barking mad. No argument there. Excuse me a second. Hello. You've still got a problem, Ems. Or should I say Ams? Even I'm getting confused. Don't tell me she didn't leave town. Okay, but, uh, I will tell you she's got a killer bod, pun intended. Amanda is on the "Amanda," toasting herself as we speak. Jack's boat? I don't believe this. Believe it. All right, I'll be there as soon as I can. Get down here fast. Yeah! Whoo! Side-out! Oh, really? Are you ready for lunch? I brought you lobster bisque. I'm not hungry. Thank you. Victoria, you don't have to keep doing this. I remember exactly what happened the night of the benefit. That's wonderful. What exactly do you remember? I remember that you told me you'd never accept me, and that your hatred ran deeper than any apology I could ever make. Excuse me. Southampton P.D. Come in. Detective Gunther, what is this about? There's been a development in the Frank Stevens case. We have a warrant to search your home. I have a friend convalescing in this room. I would appreciate it if your men would refrain from disturbing her. Well, we won't if we don't have to. Cell towers picked up Frank Stevens' phone signal late last night, and GPS tracked it to inside your property lines. That doesn't make any sense. The last time Frank called me was from outside this house. Mrs. Grayson, we know that you and Mr. Stevens had regular contact. We also know that your husband abruptly fired Mr. Stevens shortly before checking into a hotel the night of the murder. Would you characterize Mr. Grayson as a jealous man? Sir? I think we found the phone. What do you think you're doing? Getting some vitamin D. You? Why didn't you get on the plane? I-I-I got through security and was headed for the gate when something stopped me. You should've called. I did better than that. I went to your house. But you were too busy with your boy billionaire. Well, I'm not busy now. What's wrong? I'm tired of running. I need a break. You can get a break wherever you want. Just point it out on a map, I will get you there. That's not what I want. I want a home. I want friends. My name's Kara now, so no one has to know the truth. It's too risky. For me or you? You want to talk risky, why are you living in that house? Look, don't bite the hand that feeds you. You can't stay. I don't remember asking for your permission. Now get outta the way. You're blocking the sun. Afternoon, Mr. Grayson, Daniel. Speak of the devil. Daniel here has been giving me a blow-by-blow of this volleyball tournament. Well, not my best showing I'm afraid. Of course, Daniel practically grew up on that stretch of sand. A little friendly competition is good for the soul, don't you think? Which is why I want both of you to show me what you've got at the new investor party tomorrow. First one of you to close a high roller keeps the full commission, same as all the rest of the execs. That's quite an opportunity, sir. You've made the job easy. Your firm's returns doubled the market averages last year. Yeah, albeit true, that's something my guests are already fully aware of, Tyler. What we're selling here is the Grayson lifestyle. And it seems, once again, Daniel may have a slight built-in advantage. Well, Tyler's been living the Grayson lifestyle all summer. I'd say he gets it. Ambition versus nepotism. Game on. Gentlemen. Mrs. Grayson. Please take my seat. Thank you, Tyler. Hello, Daniel. Mother. It's all right. We're done here. See you boys at the new investor party. May the best young man win. - You better watch yourself. - Yeah, yeah. The police found Frank's cell phone. It was in our garden. They're building a case against you, Conrad. Well, it's a case they're gonna lose, Victoria, because that phone had to have been planted. By whom? Well, by the same bastard who hid the camera in Lydia's apartment. I still have a hard time believing that you didn't install that camera. Well, I'm so sorry to disappoint you, my dear, but I'm innocent on all counts. And I suggest you start backing me up, because if I end up getting framed for this, I'm gonna see to it that everything you cherish so dearly is ripped from those greedy little claws of yours. Careful, Conrad. You should know by now, I don't respond well to threats. Who's that hottie I saw hanging out on the boat? It's about time you had a new prospect on the radar. What new prospect? Your friend Kara. I guess she decided not to take off last night after all. What's her story? Long and complicated. Look, I don't want to come off like I'm running a block on a buddy, but, uh, n-o, no, Jack. Well, you told me never to take dating advice from you, so-- And that was last week. Look, Kara's what you'd call a nomad, doesn't stay in one place for too long, you know? She didn't have a problem staying half naked on Jack's boat all morning. Dec, do me a favor. Watch him. I'm gonna go see if the lady would care for some refreshments or some sunscreen. Tell me the reason my father went to jail. He laundered money for a terrorist group that blew up flight 197. So... how bad is it, when people find out who you really are? Uncomfortable if you're lucky. Some of the nut jobs make a bigger deal out of it than the regular people. But the worst is when you meet someone who knew someone who died because of what he did. How is it that you grew up with a dad like that and never knew who he really was? You're not having second thoughts, are you? Only if that check bounces. It won't. Okay, let's move on. Who's Jack Porter? The boy you gave your dog Sam to. Spoiler alert-- your girl talk with miss Montauk didn't work. Faux-manda is still causing boats to crash in the harbor. I know. She doesn't want to leave. Since when do you take no for an answer? It's not that easy with her. I can't just force her to leave. I have to let her cool down before I approach her again. Just try to run interference with Jack until I figure something out. Fine. Only 'cause I don't want to see him get emotionally creamed again... Or worse. This is your credit card fraud department. Please verify that the card ending in 6-9-0-6 is currently in your possession. Oh, Tyler. Don't you look rich and powerful? By design, yes. What's this? A gift for my date. And a promise not to stand you up this time. Are you out of your mind? Do you know how expensive this is? That's precisely why I bought it. Emily will be lost in the crowd next to you. This party will be the best thing that ever happened to us. Oh, excuse me. Hello. - $5,000... - Thank you. at Dresses by Vuyo? Hmm. Exactly what kind of kink are you into here, Ty? The most expensive kind. Well, why don't you hop on over and, uh, bring my stolen credit card with you? Absolutely. I have some business I'd like to discuss with you as well. I'll talk to you soon. Victoria... What a surprise. Daniel's not here. He should be back shortly. Actually, I came to speak with you. May I come in? Of course. I don't imagine I have to tell you that things between Daniel and myself have been strained since you've come into the picture. And I hope you know, I've never had any intention of getting between you and your son. And yet, here we are. May I ask you, what is it about me that troubles you so much? Call it maternal instinct. Okay. I understand why you might not trust me. I know I wasn't exactly forthcoming with my juvenile record, but we all have things in our past that we wish we could change, don't we? You missing something? Oh, yeah. My PC. I could've sworn I brought it home. Well, maybe you left it at the office. Yeah, maybe. Listen... Stay for breakfast. It's time that Amanda get to know you better. Well, I wish I could, but I still haven't told Daniel that I'm leaving his father. Can we keep it a secret just a little while longer? Yeah, just a little bit longer. Don't hurt my son, Emily. You'll live to regret it if you do. The last thing I want is for Daniel to get injured in any of this. Assuming that you feel the same way, I think it's time that we work out our differences. Yes, I think we can both do that, for Daniel's sake. Victoria... I'm glad we had this talk. I really want to make things right between us... Especially since there's a chance that we could be family someday. Bye. My team won, if you're interested. The volleyball game-- you disappeared on me. I'm so sorry. Detective Gunther wanted me to go down and give a written stement about the night that Frank was killed. I didn't want to ruin your fun. They need me to vouch for your whereabouts? I don't think so, but thank you. It seems like they're moving on to other suspects. Look, the fact that they even suspected you at all-- I don't think I'll ever forgive my mother for putting you through that. You know, she came over this afternoon. To apologize? - Sort of. - Well, sort of isn't good enough. Well, it might have to be. Listen, if you and I are gonna make this work, you can't continue to let her have all of this power over you, or else eventually, she's gonna get exactly what she wants. - Which is what? - To separate you from anyone who could threaten to take you away from her. The only way to stop your mother is to forgive her. Thank you for the use of your card. A man's clothes speak volumes. Mm. So do his actions, which in my estimation, makes you a common thief. Well, then by the same logic, it also makes you a liar. You said you wanted to help me climb the ladder. You don't want to play this game with me, Ty. Or can you actually believe that I'm as stupid as the other people you're conning? No con, Nolan. I like you. I thought we had a mutually beneficial thing going here. You said yourself, you have more money than you can wrap your brain around. Besides, I have, uh, every intention of repaying you. Transaction denied. Cash only. Well, then cash you shall have. All you have to do is become a client at Grayson Global, through me, of course. There's an investor recruitment party tomorrow at the house. And it will only cost you $20 million. Oh, is that all? Pass. Why don't you think about it a little more while we take a dip in the pool? You go ahead. I'm meeting a friend. Jealous. Who's the lucky guy? Someone who's never asked a thing of me. And... Try not to steal anything while I'm out. Okay? Oh, I learned my lesson. Cross my heart. The night for what exactly? Do you mind? This is private. I do mind. As charming as you find that boy, he's not the young man for you. Yeah, because you're such an expert in the subject. It's my life, not yours. If you're looking for your car keys, you won't find them. What are you doing? Give me my phone back. You can't do this. I just did. Victoria... We need to talk. You need to rest. You've made such great progress today, I'd hate to see you relapse. Good. I'm going out for a little while, but I'll be back in an hour or so. I'll check up on you then. Hey, uh, I'm gonna go upstairs and get ready. If Charlotte gets here before I come down, send her up, okay? You got it, Casanova. Cute. And he knows it. You okay on your drink? Couldn't be better. You're playing with some serious fire here, missy. My advice? Take the money, and ease on down the road. Sorry. I like it here. You know, she told me about you. Said you used to visit her father in jail like a demented stalker. In case you hadn't noticed, she wants you gone. And when Emily wants somebody gone... Believe me, they go... And usuay in spectacular fashion. In case you haven't noticed, I do things on my own terms. If Emily wants me gone, she might have to consider the ripple effect. Where'd Kara go? I told you, pal, she's a nomad. I'm outta here. Victoria Grayson at the stowaway? What did you put in my drink? Excuse me. I'm looking for Declan Porter. I'm Victoria Grayson, Charlotte's mother. I'm Declan's brother Jack. Is Declan here? He's upstairs. If it's all right, I'd like to have a word with him. Sure. Mrs. Grayson. What are you doing here? What's your number? What's my number? How much will it cost to get you to stop seeing my daughter? Are you freakin' serious? I am freakin' dead serious. Everybody's got a price. What's yours? Look, Mrs. Grayson... I care about your daughter a lot more than I care about your money. I believe you. You're an impressive young man, and I understand why Charlotte likes you. I like you, too. Time and experience would tell you that, one way or another, this romance is going to end. And I'm trying to spare Charlotte the inevitable heartache and help you at the same time, but I can't if you won't accept my offer. So what's your number? "Ladies and gentlemen, "everyone here tonight is a victim. The ruthless monsters-- Conrad and Victoria Grayson." Andrew Rutherford-- he loves to golf, has three kids, worth $865 million. $20 mil's pocket change for him. I'm curious. Why haven't you ever ask me for my business? You really need an answer to that? Well, I just don't want to miss the boat for when you become a big, huge success. But imagine the favor I'm doing you if it turns out I'm no good at it. Mm. You're a Grayson. Making money is in your DNA. Yeah, like mad science to the Frankensteins. For whom the bell tolls. I'll be right back. Hello? Multiple code reds, Ems. The talented Mr. Hamptons somehow got hold of a shredded speech by the unbreakable Lydia Davis. In it, she planned to take down Conrad and Victoria at the open arms gala by exposing their role in the entire conspiracy against your dad. Are you kidding me? How did we not know about this? Well, as I recall, we were a little bit busy that night. Code red number two-- the speech piqued Tyler's curiosity, and he did a web search on David Clarke. You think he's on to you? More likely, he's gonna try to blackmail Conrad and Victoria. Then why is he hitting me up for $20 mil if he's got a bigger payday planned? Wait. Yo should invest with him. What? You do it. Oh, yeah, and how am I gonna explain that to Daniel? Alright. What's the plan? Just keep Tyler occupied until we find Lydia's speech. Commit to the buy-in at the party, and then you can defund the investment before the deal closes. Between Tyler's scheming and Amanda's homicidal tendencies, this is a very dangerous game that we're playing here. I told you, this is not a game. God. I should never have trusted you to take down Tyler. - Hey, I can handle Tyler. - Then handle him. Yes. It's Emily Thorne. I need to see you. Hey, we're headed out for a sail. Can you open without me? Yeah, sure. No worries. Have fun. Thanks. So... What did Mrs. Grayson want last night? That woman scares the pants off me. Yeah, me, too, and I wasn't wearing any. All right. You can fill me in later. After you. I'm so excited. Hey. Did my mom come see you last night? In a big way. Where were you? Oh, I'm so sorry. She took my phone. I left a message at the bar. What did she say to you? Yeah, look, Charlotte, we-- we really need to talk. Hello, Mr. Grayson. I've got that. Thank you. Conrad, where the hell have you been? Victoria's been keeping me locked up in here like a prisoner. Well, why didn't you call me? Because that witch took my phone. She's been giving me pills. Just find me the damn wheelchair and get me the hell out of here. You mind if I take over? Go for it. You got what you wanted. Declan just broke up with me. Sweetheart, are you all right? No. I'm going to the movies with Jill and Becca. I need to be around friends right now. Charlotte... I know how difficult this must be for you to understand, but in the long run, it really is for the best. I love you. Can I have my keys back? Of course. My parents took me to Disneyland Tokyo when I was little. I've been wanting to go back ever since. [Speaking Japanese] Sorry I'm late. Oh, you're just in time. This is Satoshi Takeda. He is the CEO of Japan's largest renewable resources company. This is my girlfriend- - Emily Thorne. [Speaking Japanese] [Speaking Japanese] He says you're a lucky man. She is very beautiful. [Speaking Japanese] I learn something new about you every day. [Speaking Japanese] [Speaking Japanese] Hai. What-- what did he say? Uh, he said he's tired of using his translator. Wanted to maybe go to the bar and see why I speak Japanese so well. By all means. She's a woman of many surprises. [Speaking Japanese] I fear I'm losing control. As you were warned, revenge is a stony path. Remember... Inside the viper's nest, you must be a viper, too. - Thank you. - You're welcome. How can I be of service? No. Daniel's got one more year at Harvard. I didn't exactly knock his socks off, did I? Mr. Takeda was very impressed by you. Mm. Right. Must have been my extensive knowledge of Disneyland Tokyo. Well, if you change your mind, here's my card. Best of luck with the grandkids. - Nice meeting you. - Same. They seem like they only came for the free food and drink. Uptight bastards. No, don't sour. Move on to the next. Yeah, you're right. Would you mind grabbing me a drink? Make it a stiff one. You got it. I didn't think you'd show. I'm still conflicted. Look, Nolan, don't string me along if you're not planning to invest. There are dozens of potentials here that I can be talking to. You must have some cast-iron cojones to ask me to open my checkbook after you stole from me. Mm. It's shocking and admirable all at the same time. What is it you want, Nolan? You wouldn't have come down here if you didn't have something on your mind. What's say we continue this negotiation in private? Follow me. You do make a handsome couple. There's no denying that. Is that really your best attempt at saying you're sorry? No. I'm afraid the strain of things with your father has gotten to me. My apologies, Emily. I hope you'll forgive me. Apology accepted. Thank you. Well, I'll leave you two alone. Be nice to your mom. She's the only one you'll ever have. I can see how happy she makes you. That said, I hope you'll consider returning home for the remainder of the summer. With your father gone, I feel like a bit of a ghost in this house. You'll be okay, mom. I'm just down the beach. Daniel. If I'm going to cut you a check tonight, I'm doing it with a few conditions. Whatever you want. Don't ever lie to me or steal from me again. You have my word. I'm gonna need a little more than that. I want us to spend more... Quality time together. I'm at your service. Good. Then I'll have my guy wire the funds to you next week. Perfect. You won't regret it. Hello. A little thank-you? Of course. $20 million of them. Oh, my God. Oh, hey, Ash. Oh, love the dress. Ashley, wait! Ashley. Wait a second. Ashley, stop. Please. Ashley, wait. Look, let me explain. What I just saw does not need an explanation. It's not what you're thinking. Clearly, I haven't been thinking since the minute we met. I'm such an idiot. And you're a bastard! No, I'm whatever I need to be, whenever I need to be it. Look, I thought we agreed to step up our game. Well, I didn't realize you meant a game of tonsil hockey with Nolan Ross. It's a small price to pay for his $20 million. Anyway, the real question is, what are you doing? All I see is, "yes, Mrs. Grayson. Of course, Mrs. Grayson." You really want to be her lackey for the rest of your life? No, of course not. Well, then stop acting like one and get in the game like everyone else. There you are. You mind if I steal this gentleman away? Please do. Tyler. Daniel. Mr. Takeda had nothing but good things to say about you. However, he's not willing to commit just yet. Tyler, I just spoke with Nolan Ross, and he is buying in for $20 million. Congratulations. That's terrific news, sir. You'll have your commission check just as soon as he wires the funds. Don't... Spend it all in one place. Oh, I won't sir. Thank you, sir. Side-out, bitch. How you doing? Never been happier. Want me to take over? It feels good to be in control of something, you know? Yeah. Whenever I'm out here, I get a sense of freedom that I... I never feel on shore. It's like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. I can't tell you the last time I felt either one of those things. Anytime you want to take her out, she's right here. And so am I. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You okay? Sorry. Um... It's just... This... You... Things haven't been right for me in a very long time. Well, if it makes you feel any better, we're in the same boat. Is there any chance you might stick around a little while longer? I want to, but, um... It's complicated. Yeah. Nolan said as much. Listen, whatever it is... I can handle it. Nolan isn't a friend of mine. Not really. He knew my father many years ago. So did you. Amanda? I want to come home, Jack. Why don't you send Daniel that prospectus, all right? Okay. Enjoy. - Thank you. - Thank you. - Certainly. Oh, as soon as I possibly can. Yeah. Um, I moved her out earlier this evening - while you were busy stabbing people in the back. - Mm. Where did you send her? Someplace safe, away from you. Don't you mean away from us? Oh, no. There is no... Us, Victoria. Not anymore. Hey. Perfect timing. Did my mother call? She did. How much was I worth to her? Well, I asked for 100 grand, she countered with $25,000. Oh. She has that in change at the bottom of her purse. It's a fortune to me. It means I can get a place by the water. You and me can get some privacy... Whenever. How about we start right now? The caterers just left. Will there be anything else? Nothing you can help me with, I'm afraid. Good night. Why did you hire me? You're having far fewer parties than last year, and you've basically made me your personal assistant. So... I'm just curious. All right, then. I hired you because you're the best at what you do... And because you're close with Emily. Well, as close as anyone can be to a person like her. I see. Were you surprised that she and Daniel moved in together so quickly? No, not entirely. She knows how to get what she wants. What do you mean by that? Just that she can be... tricky. Let's you and I go to brunch tomorrow. And we can discuss this further. Okay. I'll make us a reservation... Victoria. Good night. Hi. Hey. I'm sorry to stop by so late. No, it's fine. Is-- is everything okay? Yeah, everything's... Everything's great. Remember when I told you about the girl who used to live here before with her dad? Yeah, of course. Okay, well, that friend from Nolan's pool... She's that girl. Only she doesn't want anyone to know about it because her dad wasn't exactly popular around here, especially with your neighbors. But I told her- - I told her she can trust you. You mind if I show her the swing that her dad built? No. Go right ahead. Emily... This is Amanda, a very close, old friend of mine. It's nice to see you again, Amanda. Jack has the nicest things to say about you. I'm just so happy my home is in good hands. It was a very special place for me and my father. It's good to be home. Thank you. Take care of yourself. Thank you again for doing this. I'd do anything for you. Stay strong... Amanda. You, too... Emily. We all have secrets we keep locked away from the rest of the world... Friendships we pretend... Relationships we hide... Hai. Moshi-moshi. It's Emily Thorne. I'm ready to continue my training. Then it's time you come to Japan. I'll leave tomorrow. But worst of all... Love we never let show. The most dangerous secrets a person can bury are those we keep from ourselves. US Marshal, stop! What is this guy on? US Marshals, everyone just stay where they are! Put your hands up, and slowly turn around. Turn around. I said turn around. Jimmy? Ben? This is a dream. You at the altar, I'm gonna say it again, turn around. You ok? Yeah, how long was I out? About 15 minutes. Been sleeping like crap. - I got an hour last night. - You were talking to yourself. - Was I? - Yeah. You said Jimmy and Ben. - No I did not... - Yeah, you did. - Any sign of Harcourt? - No. - The guy is wanted for assault charges. - Not really known for the punctuality. - I mean, are we sure about this tip? - My DEA buddy said that Harcourt's been running pot out of this place, he's been here the last three saturdays. We got a car coming up the alley. It's a silver Saturn Texas plates. It's X-4-S T-T-3. It's registered to Harcourt's father. - It's Harcourt behind the wheel. - Yup. Looks like he's got a friend with him. We go in? Subdue the front take Harcourt down. US Marshals US Marshals, down on the ground! - We got a runner out the back! - I got him! - *** - Backyard! What are you running for? You really don't want to do that Harcourt. Now doesn't that hurt? - Should we get him down? - Yeah, at some point. Get in the car Harcourt watch your head. Marco what you got? Name is Jackie Walsh, favourite color is blue, likes pizza, dancing, and long walks on the beach, ain't that right Jack? Any idea why he ran? Luke is running his ID. We're just sitting tight. Hey man you gotta believe me man, I wasn't the shooter. - What did you say Jackie? - I wasn't the shooter. - Come here. - You ready for this? Jackie Walsh, we got an open warrant for him as well. He's on of the four guys wanted for killing that cop a month ago. - The Ellen Lacey murder? - Yeah. So not only do we clear our assault and battery we get a good lead on four copkillers. It's not even lunch. Look man, I didn't kill that cop. John Makin. Steven "Little Boy" Washington, and Francis Washington. Where are they? You know what, it's not that cop. Her name is Ellen Lacey. She's 32 years old. She's a wife... mother. Nothin' bad was supposed to happen. We was just heading' out to collect for some idiot crackhead. And after we *** you know we goin' out right? Just like we used to do back in the old days. Show some Houston ladies how the New Orleans boys play. Why so quiet little boy? You miss your prison boyfriends? What the hell did you do Francis? - Nothing. - I can't be here man, I jumped bail. Calm down Makin. Don't tell me to calm down, I'm facing 6 months. You don't got no weapons on you right? It's cool, everything's gonna be good. License and proof of insurance please. Was I speeding officer? You tell me, were you? I don't think so. It's cause you weren't, but your tail lights are both out. Can I get an ID on everyone please? - Makin! - Stop! Get down on the ground! Stop! - What the hell you doing there boy? - One of us runs, we all get hauled in. He faces 6 months, I'm facing life for being here with you. - Now get in the car. - Everybody get in the damned car. Makin, get back here. You you gotta believe me man, I ain't never done nothin' worse than petty theft I'll tell y'all what ever y'all wanna know. Alright. After the shooting... I got dropped off at my sister's house. Makin went to the hotel to lay low, and Francis and "Little Boy" I ain't seen them since. Do you have any communication with them? Yeah, I mean we got cells, but we only turn them on everyday at like two o'clock. You know, just for emergencies only. It's "Little Boy's" idea. He said we could talk, but we can't be traced. Y'all gonna tell the Judge how I helped out though yeah? Oh, yeah. But you're not done helping us yet. Gonna need their trigger van. Two minutes to the call. Two minutes! Hey. Eye on the prize, every 10 seconds gets us a quarter mile closer to ID their location. Just so you know I'm pretty good at dream analysis. I'm just saying you know Daisy going to jail, Jimmy getting engaged, - a lot of changes... - Mhmm. All I'm saying is, if you need someone to give you an opinion about what's eating you... - You're my guy? Ok. - I'm your guy. You know, actually there is a dream you can help me with. So I'm sitting in this van right, in this dream Van... You're there. I'm there? And you finally stop bugging me long enough so that we can run down four copkillers. Ok? Yeah. It's time. Alright Jimmy let's go ahead and make the call Keep it general. I don't want them getting suspicious do you understand me? - Mhmm. - They'll take your call right? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, man, these guys are like brothers to me we grew up together in New Orleans. Longer you keep them on, the easier the Judge goes on you. Hey Jackie. Hey what's up Francis, what you doin' man? What you need man? Hey are you still with "Little Boy?" - They're still in Houston. - Alright keep him talking Jimmy. What about John? They're somewhere north of the city, close to Coverdale and West Branch. Alright get on the 610 loop to the I45 north I was just thinking that we should all like meet up. You know, like face to face. Give me that. What you calling here for Jackie? "Little Boy?" - Look like Acres Homes. - Who are you with? Where were are you at? Who are you with Jackie? - What happened? Did he hang up? - By the sound of it, I think he shot it. Woah, woah man, calm down. I go out here to sell a little smack, and you here didn't check it up? How long where you on the phone for man? - I don't know, a few minutes? - Come on France. Man that's long enough for them to trace us. You think Jackie flipped? Yeah man... he's a weak son of a bitch. What should we do man? Pack up, go get Makin? Get the hell out of Houston. I still get credit for helping right? - Get him out of here. - My pleasure. Uh, Natalie. Hey! Hey. Hi. You looking for Jimmy? Jimmy. Yeah. Wedding planning. Hmm? Oh, right. Uh, chocolate or French Silk? String quartet or jazz? You know how it is. It's... Yeah... Well, I... yeah. Guess you can't ever go wrong with plain old chocolate. - That's always good, right? - Jackie Walsh! You son of a...! - Hey! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Sit down. Calm down. Sit. Sit! Relax. What's going on? Who is this? He... he killed my wife. They left Ellen in the road to die. At least I didn't shoot him, right? You work HPD, like Ellen did, right? When it first happened... the entire force is looking for these guys. But the department's only got so many resources. You know how it goes. Now we're on it, too. I've been keeping track of the search. Don't know if there's anything there that might help you. No, we've... We've got most of this. So what... what is that number? Guy I hired to help me. I'm going to add this. This I'll have to... follow up on. I was wondering when you'd show. Mm. I've been busy. Been meaning to call you. Can I come in? Not without a warrant. So... you've been working the Ellen Lacy killing. Always business with you. Come on, Ben. The husband hired me on a private contract. So tell me what I don't know. Anything not in that file. Look, Annie. You know I like you and everything, but that's money out of my pocket. Ben, they killed a cop. I want these guys bad, especially the shooter. Ah, the shooter, Little Boy. Mm-hmm? He's a nasty piece of work. Talked to a couple of guys that knew him at the Darrington Correctional Facility. Yeah, he had a rough time? One way to put it. His cellmate hung himself, but, word was, Little Boy strung him up. You know why? I'm not in the "why" business. I'm in the "where" business. And Little Boy's gone like Christmas. Yeah, he is. I mean, do you know anything about Little Boy's brother Francis? John Macon? No. I had one lead. Macon's sister worked at a rug factory down in North Houston. You think he was staying there? He was, up until two weeks ago. I almost had him there. Thanks for the tip. No, hey. I mean, really... You're telling me that that is the only reason that you came here? You should take off your badge. Stay awhile. Don Macon's sister-- This is her workplace. Houston PD tracked a LoJack. This blue Honda...stolen by a man fitting Macon's description. We got a security guard who says he's in there alone. Let's do this. Oh! Oh, hell. Turn around so I can see your face. I'm right here. Hey. Good dream? Yeah. Someone's in a hurry. Ben... whew! This thing between you and I... Oh... This doesn't sound good. I shouldn't have stayed last night. Okay. What is it? Is it another guy? That why? Thought you weren't in the "why" business. Coffee? Work. Hey, Annie. John Macon's sister here. She admitted that she let him hide at her work, two days last week. She says he left and hasn't contacted her since. So how'd you get the tip? Uh, Ben Crowley. Oh, yeah? When was the last time you saw him? Weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday? Call Darrington, and have him send me Little Boy's files, and his cellmates'. Right. Where's the sister? I'll warn you, she's, uh, colorful. I already talked to Eyelashes out there, I talked to Stretch. Now I got to talk to Bitcherella. No, you don't have to talk to us. Did you put your house up, as collateral on your brother's bond? You see, Johnny jumped bail so we can actually seize your house, now, you understand? My house? ! Because of what my brother did? Yeah. You need the name of a good moving company, I'm sure we can get you one. Do I got to stay here? No. You're free to go. Come on. I'm going to tell you something, as soon as I file those papers, you'd better be ready to pack. You understand that? She'll be calling her brother any minute now. She's already been on her cell for close to a minute. John! This is really screwing me over, With Little Boy, Look, if you want to go down - fine! But don't take my house. - Okay. Okay, listen. - I am handling this, Linda. - Clearly... The cell signal's coming from near Baton Rouge, headed east. Can we play back the tape? Yeah. - Do you hear that? - Okay, okay... There's a whistle in the background. Yeah, sounds like a train. Yeah, but a train with the doors open. No sound dampening. Freight train. You never hopped a rail before? You have to tell me that story sometime. Stories. Baton Rouge has a train yard. It's one mile north of the city. Let's call them. Search every freight train coming in. You got it. Yo! Where you been Macon? What's the plan, Little Boy? Where are we headed? I got a stash. Get us out of the country. Stash, man. What's the stash? I'm tired of all this... this hush-hush. I'm tired of this train... ! Cool out, John. I told you. The cops are watching the roads out of Houston. Why's it always "Cool out, John"? Huh? Little Boy's the one what shot the cop. Not me! Not you! Why all of us got to suffer, including my sister, for what he had done? "Your sister"? When did you talk to your sister? Is that what you were just doing? She's just family, man, like-like Francis and you. I got to look out for her. How many times I got to tell you, man? ! No cell phones! I should throw you off next. Little Boy! Hey, get off him, Macon! Grab him, Francis! What are you looking at me like that? He attacked me! You saw him. You're bleeding. You need to get off, then get you to a hospital. No. No hospitals! Too easy to get caught, man. Think about it! You know anyone who could take us in? Engineer saw one of the guys jump off. By the time he got the train stopped, they were long gone. We heard there's a car stolen, from the neighborhood where they jumped. Is that right? Brown '99 Grand Am. Taken from a supermarket parking lot. There's blood in the boxcar? See for yourself. Whoever lost that much blood isn't getting very far without medical help. Contact nearby hospitals. Send photos of all three of them. Anybody who comes in with a major wound, we need to know about it. Yeah. I got mugged. They took my wallet and my phone. Okay, Let me get some more gauze. The nurse who called it in, is doing her best to keep her distance. Not alert Macon that we're coming. I heard you haven't been sleeping much. Marco. Come on, there's nothing wrong with a good old sex dream from time to... First of all, it is none of your business. Oh, yeah? Second of all, they're... they're not sex dreams. No? Third, you... you kissed me, so... Oh, yeah? How was I? Good? It's time to go. Let's go. Hey. Thought you said a doctor was coming to sew this up. I'll call again. I'm losing a lot of bl... Drop the gun! Drop the gun! Slide it across the floor! Go on! I'm gonna let this lady go when I get outside. You could let her go now. - Are you okay? - Yeah. Two down, two to go. Macon. Hey, Macon. Hey. Y-You broke my nose. More like a hairline fracture. Where are your friends going? One of them stabbed you, right? Here's your chance to get even. Little Boy stabbed me. And he wasn't always like that. He got out of prison all crazy. Two years in maximum security. It was rough. His cellmate hung himself to get out. I asked you a question. Where are they going? Little Boy kept talking about some sort of stash he wanted to pick up. Where is this stash? I don't know. Honest, I don't know. Maybe back in New Orleans. We were headed in that direction. Everything we had, we just left there. Little Boy was always talking about going back. I'll have Marco and Luke check it out. Clear! Place is empty. Yep. It's been five years since the flood. Thought they would have cleaned this by now. This place looks like my first apartment. Smells like it, too. Marco. Find the stash? Not exactly. Hey, Francis Washington's Link Chart, there anything about a kid? A kid? No. Why? I think he's got a son. Kid's name's "Kevin." LUKE: How do you know? Of the photo. It's written on the back "Kevin Price, born 2:12 a.m., August 11, 2004." Different last name. Yeah. Sounds like a baby mama situation. That would explain why the Bureau of Vital Statistics wouldn't have it. Hey, Kevin, it's me, your father. Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Hey, there, Kevin. This is your uncle. Hi, uncle. Hey, kid. Get out of my yard. Hey, just give us a minute to explain. Kevin? Kevin, baby, go play. I'll call the cops. Come on. Ease up. It's me. What are you doing here, Francis? It'd be a big help if you'd let us crash a few nights, and I also want to see Kevin. He's getting big, huh? Looks like me. Kids grow a lot in two years. You can stay for a few hours. No more. A few hours ain't gonna cut it. We need food, we need beds. Little Boy, if she say we can't stay... we gonna respect that. You at least got a first-aid kit? I'll show you. Why don't you spend a few minutes with your son? He's good with that kid, huh? You know, Allison... we're gonna leave 'cause that's what Francis wants. But if you're thinking about calling the cops, if you're thinking about telling them anything, I'll come back here... and I'll kill that kid. You know, you should try to get some sleep. We still got an got hour before we get to Jackson. Fat chance. Yeah, me, too. All this wedding planning stuff? It's, it's... I saw Natalie; She came in with that wedding binder thing. Yeah. You know, she started fighting with me, and then she started talking about the wedding and... how I'd sort of, kind of been distant. Then she asked me, she said, "You know, if I hadn't proposed to you, you know, would you have proposed to me?" And I... That's what you were talking about the other day in the office? I didn't have the answer. I don't know that's what she was hoping for. I think the wedding's off. Jimmy, I'm... You know what? We should try to get some shut-eye. There you go. Allison's house is a few blocks up. Jackson PD's gonna meet us there. Wait a minute. Those our guys right there? Oh, yeah! That's them! Go, go, go! U.S. Marshals! Ben? Oh, come on. Not again. You didn't have to kill Ben. You could just marry me. Jimmy's a free man, huh? So what are you gonna do now? You see the brown van there? It's the car they stole after they jumped off the train. They're here. You ready to do this? Yeah, let's hit it. U.S. Marshals! Are you the policemen? Or are you robber men? Where's your dad? Wh-What are you doing in my house? ! We're looking for Little Boy and Francis. Where is he? He left two hours ago. Took my car. Please, not in front of Kevin. Low crawl this guy so he can crawl in behind enemy lines. I need you to tell me where he went. I can't say anything. Why? That guy? That guy? Now, what about these guys? Hey, we can protect you, Allison. But can you protect my son? His own nephew? Little Boy was always jealous. Thought it was him or us. Made Francis choose. The only way I can help Francis is if he turns himself in. Francis said he'd call. Promised to say good night to Kevin. And you believe that? He said he wanted to start being a father. And I told him, "You gotta prove it." He's gonna call. All right, you gotta make sure Little Boy isn't listening. Hello? Hey, it's me. Sorry I'm late. Is Kevin still up? No, passed out. Is Little Boy with you? He's getting some grub. Why? Francis, this is Annie Frost Don't hang up. I'm with the U.S. Marshals. I want to help you. How you gonna do that? Little Boy is gonna go away for a long time, but you don't have to. You want me to turn on my own brother? You should, considering he threatened to kill your son. You're lying. Allison would talk. He was afraid Look, I raised Little Boy since he was four. I know him. He wouldn't do that. But he's gonna do everything I know you love him, he can to stay out of prison. He's gonna tell you that he's the only person you can trust, that you need him to stay free... your son. That he didn't threaten I'm hanging up. Damn it. TOG just got a trace to a phone booth in Tallahassee. I sent the local Marshals over there to check it out. Where you been, man? Said you'd be gone five minutes. I had to think. About? Being on the run. With you. This is survival, man. All right? We need each other. I know. I also need to see Kevin. You know. Trying to be a real dad, so he don't turn out... What? Like me? I did the best I could with you. I was nine when I started looking after you. France. You did good. But you got to be smart about Kevin. All right, you go back to Jackson, they gonna put you in jail, man. Yeah, well, then, he'll come visit me in prison. No. No, he won't. They say they will, but they never do. All right? It's just you and me, man, like it's always been. I got to ask you something, Little Boy. I need to know the truth. Of course. You'd never lift a finger to hurt my son, would you? Never threaten him? This coming from Allison? Man. Come on, man. You know she never liked our relationship. Just answer. Never. All right? Not ever. Thanks for the pickup. Mm-hmm. The Tallahassee marshals just missed him. So what are these two low-rent thugs doing in Florida? The stash, okay? Darrington e-mailed me the info on Little Boy's cellmate. His name is Tony Diaz. The guy's from Cedar Key, Florida. Big-time drug dealer. Real estate investor. And he's an overall scumbag. Hmm. Sounds like a rich scumbag. Yeah, and Little Boy's always talking about the stash. Well, if Diaz was big league, he would have money hidden for a rainy day. So maybe the rumor about Little Boy hanging his cellmate is true. He waits, he gets out... Disappears forever. The promised land. The view's nice. Yeah. Tomorrow as soon as it's light, we'll go look for that money. For now, how about some cool drinks, huh? Who you calling, Francis? I'm turning myself in. Not you- - Just me. So you should get out of here. Look, I didn't do right by you. I know that. Not when Dad died. Not when you went to prison. Somebody should have been there for you. Which is what I want for Kevin, you know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand. That's your son. So we cool? We are. I'm sorry, Francis. Cedar Keys PD found Francis' body floating in the harbor. Stabbed in the side. Family- - You can't choose it, can't escape it. I looked up Diaz's property records. I'm not sure where this stash is, but his house was seized and sold. So's his vacation home. Yeah? But not his luxury boat. Diaz never bought a boat. I looked into his real estate company. They own a boat. Pretty good way to hide a title. Where's it moored? It was at Pelican Harbor. Same place they found Francis' body. But the harbor master it left ten minutes ago headed south down the coast. Let's call the DEA, Coast Guard, whoever can get us a boat faster. Hey! Head towards the cove. Can we get to him before he lands? This is all we got? That's it. Full throttle. Either of you got a shot? You can take out the engine? Sure as hell try. Nice shot. I impress every once in a while. I guess you do. I don't see him. Where the hell did he go? He's got to be below deck. Hijo de puta. Stop shooting or we will return fire. Come out, hands up. I can't... I can't... I can't hear! Come on out. I want to see your hands. Let me see your hands. I can't see! I can't see! Hey, Annie, Hank Lacy's outside. He wants to shake your hand. Turn around. I said turn around. Dad. Annie. What's the matter, sunshine? You afraid? No. Why haven't you found me yet? Takes time. Maybe you're not sure you really want to find me. You recognize this, don't you? That's Mom's ring. Why didn't you send this to me. You know why. Something bad is about to happen. King's Path Sign here... Sir! Please let us go! Don't hurt us! You've got to sign it. What happened sir? Was it an accident? Won't you do as we say? Sign it What is this atrocity? You're paying us Just 40,000 rupees for our land worth one lakh? That's more than enough for you! Hey, sign here! You better take what we give you... Or else... This is my forty years of hard work! And you're grabbing it all illegally! I'm cursing you today... That you will never live a good life. You better leave... Or else... you will die! Grandpa, won't the police punish these people? Only the God can... Who do you think you're messing with? You walk into my territory... and...? Hey... whether it is to threaten, bash up, solve disputes, cut off body parts abduct or murder someone... I am the only authority to do so! To end each one's story... is my Job! Whether it is to threaten, bash up, solve disputes, cut off body parts abduct or murder someone... I am the only authority to do so! Me! And only me... Why? Because... I'm the villain... - whether it is to threaten or bash up - whether it is to threaten or bash up - solve disputes, cut off body parts - solve disputes, cut off body parts - abduct or murder someone... - abduct or threaten... - l'm the only authority to do so! - l'm the only authority to do so! - Because I'm the villain! - Because I'm the villain! What is this? His modulation sucks! He's goofing up big time! Why can't you deliver your dialogue right? There's no emotion in it! Sir, I'll do it right in the next take sir! Sorry sir! Such a goofy he is! Dude, I Just finished speaking those dialogues in three languages... in my imagination. Look at him struggling with one language! Hey, give me that! And... we don't get such roles! Anall, don't you think this is too much? Chill will you...? Your younger brother is eating this instead of you! Why don't you eat some curd rice with this ginger candy? Your digestion will be good! You gave me this ginger candy and ate all that's mine huh? Hey Muruga, your plate looks full I see! Bro, both in life and lunch, we should be 'piece-ful! ' enjoy! Anall, you seem to be in full flow with the dialogues! Compliments for only my dialogues? What about my performance? Sit... I'm the villain! Anall, you were too good! Superb! Bro, don't stop with Just your praises! When you make your film, give me the villain's role in it! It's my dream... to become a good villain! Sure! When I make my film, you're the villain in it! Ok brother! Do we have shooting tomorrow? Not for you guys. It's the heroine's introduction scene. If you're asked to vacate, do it and get lost. Alright? What's the commotion about? Don't make problem's here lt's a ladies hostal Aren't my words clear enough to you? Call the police... fast Sir, be patient... What? You think you can threaten us by calling the police? And we'd get scared? You know who we are right? We're a part of Akka's gang! Give us your hostel and leave... else you'll die! Even we know political heavy weights! Try scaring someone else... go! Hey! Why're you repeating yourself again and again? Give me that weapon! Action! I'm the villain man! Are we playing a scene for you to watch? I'm the co-director! We know K.V.Anand is the director of Ko But are you the director of KO? No sir, I meant co-director... another term for assistant director... Are you lying to me? I'll shove this in! Get lost from here! You kids! Your mom and dad will be searching for you at home... come on... get going! Go... go... go... See what I do to you! Hey... start the car... Don't you know you've to open the door? What are you guys doing here? Hey, we were standing right behind you. You want to ditch us for the song sequence huh? Don't we want to be in songs too? Don't bug me! Get lost! We can dance too! I've lost my mood for the song! There's no song here! My plight with you guys around... Oh god! Hey, look... the oldie is right there! Get him guys... Take him aside. Hey... what's he doing? Kung-fu in mid air? Go and ask him to get down! You help him do it! That blacky got me into trouble! Ok... I'll handle it! Just kidding my doll... We're Just playing! I've known young boys abduct young girls why did they come for an old guy like you? Who are they? My son's goons! In times where children disown their parents, here's one hunting him down? I presume you've got all the property in your name? Yes My name is Dakshinamoorthy. When I was young... You started to narrate your flash back all of a sudden? Hang on... Go on... I was very young when I lost my mother. My father was everything to me! OK I enjoyed life so much till I was 20! I was extremely happy! After my dad died, I was alone... orphaned! My life was dull! It was then I met my Lakshmi at an orphanage! My life gained a purpose only after I married her! I started a Jewellery store... earned a lot of money! As per Lakshmi's wishes, we built an orphanage about 20 years ago. She had a beautiful heart! A helping hand too... She used say that 'no one is an orphan till there is another person in this world! ' After she died, as per her wishes, I buried her in our ashram premises. The life I lived with her was full of happiness! I expected a sorrow filled flashback, but your story seems to be a happy one? Hang on... at any given point... distress somehow pierces a person. And that came through my own son! Can you give me that property or no? Akka, I know why you're asking for that one in particular. The sub-urban city is going to be built near that area and once that's done the value of my property will go up by a hundred folds! What's your price for it? I don't want any money! I've been struggling to make it big in politics for a while now. Nothing has worked in my favour ln the coming elections, on behalf of your party, if you give me a seat, I will become the MLA. It is in your hands. We can have the registration when you decide. I don't want a single penny! When can we see the place? How many acres is it? - 25 Acres Akka. That Ashram is not some place. It is my temple. My Lakshmi still lives there. The kids there are her life! I can't part with that Ashram alone! You're talking without understanding it's value! To become an MLA is my fifteen year old dream! Why don't you understand dad? Dad, it's for your best that you listen to me... or else... He's been chasing after me to sell that orphanage now... Till your son finds you, there's nothing he can do to the orphanage. The kids will be safe too. The best thing is for you to come along with me! Come what may, I'll take care of you! Why should I burden you with my weight? You weigh so much huh? Ok, I'll come... happy now? Sir, if you tell us about the constituency allotments... We'll talk about that after three days. Any more questions? Which areas have you chosen for the sub-urban city development? That's right sir. The opposition party has been asking about it too! Ranganayaki, why has there been a delay? We'll announce it by next week. Do it fast. Let's go. Did Chidambaram call back? He's not answering his phone at all! Give me his number... Bro, why're you getting tensed? I'd promised the registration would happen today! Ask her for a week's time. We'll find him by then! You found him and let him escape...and now what? What if you can't? - End of your story then! is Brother in there? -Yes Sir! Bro, Akka is here. You won't answer your phone? The property is in my dad's name. We need his signature to proceed legally. Hence... ls this your father? Take a Xerox of this photo... I don't know if you'll mail or courier it... By tomorrow morning all our land brokers should have this man's photo. Ask them to search every lodge, house, temples etc. The registration has to be completed by this week. You saved that old guy from getting assaulted, alright. But letting him stay with you is Just not done! when I was young, if anyone fed me, I'd look up to them like the God himself! His plight is quite sad. He's providing education, food and shelter to many kids for the last 25 years! If he signs the agreement, they'll make all those kids homeless! Only till the guy is safe with me, the kids can live peacefully. Bro? Yeah, we're close to the shooting spot. At the tea shop... We'll be there in five minutes. Ok brother. You know the kidnap scene in our story? We'll lift it from this... We'll shoot it differently. Old man, you've the habit of drinking coffee? But we do! Old man, do you have the habit of drinking? It's been 10-15 years since I gave it up! You're turn has come today! Stop! Where did you go? Stepped out for a while. Stepped out for a while! You think I'd get scared if you scream? Take this. Dry the clothes. Only fit only to sit and gulp down food! What's up bro? Anull, I called your mobile, it was switched off! Oh! I've lost charge! Do you have shoot tomorrow? No. Why? Akka's having a MMEK meeting tomorrow. They've asked for hundred security guys! Bring your guys and come... Bro, to stand as an extra behind a villain is my Job... We do it with a content heart! I can't stand behind these politicians like extras! Hey, you'll get good money! If I become a thug in real life, I'd earn in millions, Just like that! Did we come to cinema to earn money? It's a small dream... I mean... Like the city should have our posters stuck all over! The minute we come on screen... everyone should go berserk, clap, whistle... and that's it! My dream is to be a big villain! Please understand brother! At least, you don't treat me like a thug! And henceforth, don't call me for such things! Hey, get everything ready. I'll bring Grandpa and come... You should listen to him narrate his story... like poetry! Come on dude... One day, my love was waiting for her bus, with henna on her feet... She boarded the bus and left, Leaving behind the Jasmine flowers fallen from her head... When I saw those Jasmine flowers... A poem came to my mind grandpa... "From the footprint of your henna dyed feet, Grew a beautiful Jasmine flower!" I went to see her the next day with the poem but she never came grandpa... I even went the day after... But she never came... Till the very end... grandpa... I don't care if she'd gotten married... But I didn't get to recite this poem to her! You fool! Wasted a beautiful piece of poetry! If it were me, I would've wooed at least five girls with that kind of poetry! Five... yeah... Dakshina... when you were young...? The girls I've wooed.... lt's impossible to do the math! When India was under the rule of British, there was a British girl under my rule! British girl? She fell for my personality... my first love... Mary Margret! ... in 1942! Don't ask Shanmugam about what I'd asked you yesterday. Dakshina, get going... I'll see you soon! If I don't sleep till even 1 1 o' clock, how would I become a director? What a devastating Job I've got! Brother! Yes my younger brother! I hear you torture Dakshina a lot! Yeah I did. If you bring home a guy who's supposed to be in the old age home, how can I write my romantic script? Creators like me have to be alone to trigger our creativity! That is only if you have any! What was that? - What was that? Don't I have to write a story? My film? Get married? Run a family and have kids? Listen, take this oldie and go elsewhere. Otherwise I'll torture him! Very good! That's how you should be! You think I'm a fool to feed a man for free? That old man is worth 300 crores of rupees! 300 crores of rupees? I almost missed a good producer! We're chalking a good plan... so we can settle in life! So continue to torture him, alright? So our lives can be good! If you sentimentally flatter him and try to take a share... He'd never dare to torture him anymore! Share huh? I'll pocket the entire 300 crores! What is it sir? Yeah, Suriya's film... Solo fight with him and me. Urgh! These rouges come here with one dirty purpose! Man, things seem rough here, hang up now! She actually spat on you! Forget about it buddy! It happens... Aren't you ashamed of yourself? What do I do grandpa? Moms accompany their daughter. If I glance at the girl, the mother gets angry! I can't even glance at the girl with freedom! There's a trick for all that, you idiot! Look there... Both of them are walking there... The girl's hot too... ldiot! Don't look at the girl... look at her mother. Mother? -Look at her I say! Gaze at her! Grandpa, looks like the mother will fall into my trap! Now turn your look towards the girl! His hairstyle looks so different! May be he's a rock singer? Grandpa! This is Just the beginning! There's so much more to learn! Are you taking classes Dakshina? Does he have a girl in his life... Or is he single? Oh cut that! Love is not meant for me... I'm happy with simple glances! Ask me to bash up a hundred guys and I'd do that in a flash! Talking to a woman... makes me shiver! That's why I stick to Just giving them soft glances! And I carry on that way... Hey girl! Yeah... you...! Dakshina, what are you doing? Why did you look at him? Don't make things ugly... come here... Don't deny that you looked at him! You'll give him such glances and make him fall for you... And then marry someone else citing your parents as the reason and that he's not the one for you... And these guys... become hopeless in life and die! Isn't that your plan? Tell me the truth, did you see him or no? Don't do this... please... I didn't! Don't say the same thing again and again... and provoke me! I noticed you saw him. You're talking a bit too much... yes, she saw him. Whom are you raising your voice at? Ask her to admit it. Admit it! Now! Yes I did look at him. There she goes! She did look at you! Wait and see what I do! Ok, come now... Sorry... Why'd you have to do that? You don't seem to understand. There's no use hiding things. It's better to ask them on their face. - Like this? What will people around think of me? Why do you care? Be transparent... that's how you will win! Ok you go... I'll come... I'll come along too... Go.... l'm feeling very sorry... lt's ok... no problem... lt's not ok... The old man was wrong! How can he...? It's ok... he's an elderly person... I'm sorry too... You're not feeling bad, are you? Grandpa! I know you're angry with me! I wasn't really angry... that was Just for fun! Yeah... I'll do it... There's a scene in my film... I'll tell you what it is... How would the emotions of elders be... if they're shouted at and abused all the time? I was putting up an act! Do you know the title of my film? "Never go against your Grandfather!" He doesn't seem impressed! ? Shall I describe my film in one line? Mother comes first... and then grandfather! Get lost you...! Don'tJudge it half way through... 300 crores! That's as simple as a chicken catch for me! I'll tell you the story now... Stay in a meditative mood... The opening... Dakshina? He ended my story with his entry! Don't leak my story! You think you can flatter him by narrating your story huh? No use to it! -Where did you go? To have a cup of tea! Don't lie. You must've gone to apologize to that girl! Dakshina? I'm sure she said sorry too? How did you know...? You both would've kept apologizing to each other for no reason! Dakshina! My Almighty! -Get up! You're acting in front of me huh? I was the one who taught Kamal Hassan how to act! Oh really? Too bad, he doesn't realize it himself. So, you've been in love for what... six months now? No. I've Just been glancing at her from a distance for three years now. What? Three years? And Just glances? Sit... When she crosses by you tomorrow morning... watch her... she'll give you a smile and cross by... You think so? - Yeah! Let's see! is she coming? Sorry bro! is she coming? - No! Yeah... there she is! is she looking at you? is she looking at you? - No! Don't look elsewhere! Keep looking at her! She did look at me and smile! What happened to you? I feel this new sensation within me! So what you've got to do with it is... Give you a treat right? Sure! Grandpa, the snacks are on me! Shut up! Idiot! Ask her for a date to a movie this Sunday, go! Movie? No way! After three whole years, only today she looked at me and smiled... So who made this happen today? That hasn't happened in three years? Who? This lover boy! Don't show off too much! In life... Hey... come here... come... Don't forget! In life... there are things... ln life... there are things you shouldn't delay. If you're hungry, you should eat. Otherwise, the food is wasted and so is your stomach! Sounds good, but your dialogue doesn't rhyme! You should only expect good timing with me, not rhyming! The formula of love is very simple... To wait endlessly for that good moment to arrive has only led to failure! Those who've been spontaneous have been winners! What do you want now? I should go talk to that girl? There's no dearth to your style! Look me! Hey... walk like you're approaching your lady love... Not as if you're going to rape her! I've gotten used to it because of my villain roles. Alright! Loosen your body! Loosen your buttocks! Don't embarrass me! Why're they coming here? - l don't know. I have no idea! Look at me... imitate me! Ok? Hi - Hi They're coming closer... They're coming to see you I'm sure. Once you're close enough, ask her "Darling, can we go for a movie?" Careful! All the best Hi. -Talk to him. I've got two tickets for MayaJaal this Sunday. See you there! Why? -Why? ! For a movie. Movie? I can't come. Why not? I'll whack you! Didn't you admit you looked at him the other day? You'd look at him but not go for a movie? What do we look like to you? Fools? You better come! If you don't I'll whack you! You have to! You're coming! What is this Dakshina? Why did you have to be so rude to her? That's how you get what you want! You better come! She would at least look at me every now and then... now that's come to an end too huh? You deserve this don't you? If he suggested a stupid plan, where was your brains? What happened uncle? Hey... come... I'm talking to myself like a lunatic! Sir, do you have tickets for Engeyum Kadhal? Yeah. How much is it? 120 bucks! Why? I want two tickets sir. I came with my fiancee but didn't get tickets. I want good corner seats. Please give me if you have them sir... I'll pay you an extra hundred bucks! Do I look like some idiot to you? Not at all sir! Sorry sir! I'm also waiting for my fiancee! Ok sir! -Get lost! That's enough... buzz off! Are you happy now? You and your age old ideas...! The film would've started. She won't make it... Sir? I think so too! It's getting delayed. And it's our first time too. Please! Get lost.... Money for the tickets sir? -enjoy Thank you! What are you thinking? She won't come today. She won't? Then why did you suggest this idea? Otherwise you wouldn't have proposed to her! When did I propose? To say "l love you" is old fashioned... Trend of my era... To call her out for a movie is the current trend! That's ok... But she hasn't come... Yeah... she hasn't come! Why didn't she? You chalk out the plan and ask me questions! ? Muruga... non hesitant girls are a certain kind. When you call them, to brood over it for being Judged is another kind. Such a kind would think about what a good opportunity they missed... and her mind will be filled with thoughts about you the whole day! Watch out tomorrow... when she crosses you... she'll definitely come and talk to you! Your love will take off... And so will the music! Like that of a kid's heart, My heart bounces in Joy, this moment... lt searched endlessly.... and came looking for you... lt pleads for infinite love from you... lt demands to see you each day... And behaves naughty! Wherever I go... My love doesn't part with me... it follows me Disobeying my words... lt gives me incessant trouble! Like that of a kid's heart, My heart bounces in Joy, this moment... lt searched endlessly.... and came looking for you... lt pleads for infinite love from you... lt demands to see you each day... And behaves naughty! Like a mother's affection for her child's baby steps... Love has taken a caring form... Within me... lately... Like the first person to ride me on a piggy back, I feel the love lift me with affection... Through day and night... My brains have no more intelligence... And I've gone berserk! Because you're in there... my love! always... Wherever I go... My love doesn't part with me... it follows me Disobeying my words... lt gives me incessant trouble! While I'd spent sleepless moments listening to music... Asking for hot tea as I rise for the day... lt's YOU I'd ask for... from now on my love! Even the flowers in the path you walk... Gaze at you with amazement! When it rains, I'd run to a shelter in fear... To not drench you residing in me, my love! Wherever I go... My love doesn't part with me... it follows me Disobeying my words... lt gives me incessant trouble! Mam, Just one question. Mam, we hear you asked for 85 seats with your allied parties. That's your presumption! What's your connection with Wapa of G.R.Builders? I've never met him! What do you have to say about your statement that none other than your party can come to power? . -That is true! How about you becoming the CM mam? Who doesn't want to? Madam, there are charges against you for land grabbing all over Tamil Nadu! That's a rumour! We have the evidence Madam! You've procured thousands of acres in Mettupalayam next to Coimbatore, illegally. Anticipating the real estate hike, you used your political powers to procure it and announced you'd construct a bus station there two months ago. is this true or not? NotJust that... we know why you're delaying the commencement of sub-urban city project. Shall we? You go! I'm not coming. What happened Dakshina? I'm feeling a bit upset. If temples cannot remove your misery, then it's time we call for a beer! Instead of asking him what's wrong... Oh come on you crazy girl! Forget about that! What happened? Nothing Muruga! By saying nothing, if you start your flash back... then let's get going... Tomorrow is my wife's death anniversary. I always visit the Ashram on this day. The kids too will be anticipating my arrival... with so much Joy! But I can't go. Why? My son would know that I'd come for sure. To go there and come back without his knowledge is very tough. To love and take charge of troubles is what I'm here for! is this a problem even? We're going there tomorrow! Hello? Who's this? I'm calling from your dearest mistress' house! Don't act smart now! You're reaching here in the next ten minutes from wherever you are... if you don't... You are coming... Hello? - ls this Murugesan? Who's this? - Don't ask me questions! We've kidnapped your son. Come to Mylapore next to Kesava Perumal Temple right away. Whom are you trying to frighten? Yeah... so get some of it now... Hey! Shout out to your dad! -Dad... You heard that? Hey, don't do anything to him. Tell me dear... This is not your dear... Who're you calling from my sister's phone? I want to discuss our marriage. Shall we meet then? Note down the address... Hello? Who's this? Hey! Do you know whom you're talking to? If anything happens to him... Hello? Who? Hello? Your dad's in our custody now... What? You dad... we've got him... Come to where we ask you to. We're having problems in the family because of that old bloke. You can finish him up there! Put the phone down! Alert! Come on guys! Oh gosh! It's him! Where have these guys gone? Hello sir! How're you? You came for Madam's death anniversary? Yeah. Ok sir. Bro, are you doing fine? So... How about you? So far so good. I never expected you here! is that so? Why didn't you tell us and come? This old man and you have been together since then huh? Yup! Since then! - Very good! What's this for? The boys asked for mangoes... no... tender coconuts! I have a soft heart... so... I'm going to cut some for them! Bro, do you want a tender coconut? It'll be really good. Hang on... Hey, where have you guys gone? Deprived of a mother and of a father, No soul, certainly, is an abandoned one here! To be deprived of kith and kin, And feel unhappy... is useless.... Oh mother! You're our God... Words fail to draw equals to your praises! It is impossible to find a match to your love on this planet There is no alternative to you... Nor anything can replace you. What is this? Sweet huh? Don't eat this Grandpa! Marimuthu uncle, I've told you not to give him any sweets! I didn't... someone else did! If you eat it... I was Just holding it... She's always like that... Just for fun! What? Latheeswaran? Have you gone bonkers? You think he's hero material? It's a good script bro... This is notjust about your life, but mine too... Hey, will I get this villain role any other time? I understand what you're saying... But don't rush into it. Just be patient for a few days... Only now... things seem to change... lt's in process... Give me a month's time. I'll come not with 5 crores, but 10 crores... and we'll make a massive film! What say? There you smile finally! Ok then... Who was it? A friend of mine. Works with Chimbudevan as a co-director He's got an awesome script. He's compromised it to work with that Latheeswaran. With him? Who'd come to watch the film? That's exactly what I said! Asked him to hang on... My ex-room mate was trying hard to crack it in films. He finally went to Malaysia, is doing well for himself and got settled there. He's coming here next month. I'm sure he'll agree to make a film with me. Super! Villain sir, when you make a film, don't forget this heroine please! Let's see! Let's see huh? Mani, slow it down... Stop! Bro, this is the place... Only you come along. - Ok You too... -Coming Brother He's calling you right? Go... Shut up! I brought him here and you want me to get beaten up? Go there and signal me if he isn't there... and I'll come... Don't I care about my body too? Which room is it? - That's the one I'm going mad! Only my smoking expenses keep mounting! What are you writing continuously? Sir? - Yes? What do you want? There was an old man who was here... Where's he? Don't call him an old man. He's my future producer you know. By the way, who're you? - His very close associate. Where has he gone? He's gone with Murugan for his shoot. The rulers of the Villain clan... Came to bid my value... And without a conflict... They agreed to my demands! Yet I never gave myself to them... For I did not find the physique I needed! Money is not big to me! I am a pricey queen... For you gotta give me that leverage! So hug me... and never stop! Confess my touch leaves you with a sensation... Come on' learn your craft on bed! To acquire the unattainable... is pleasure... A goal free life... is pleasure... Why do we worry about tomorrow? When today is pleasure! Curious never-before-asked questions... ... is pleasure... To see the unseen... is pleasure... To admire our selves... is pleasure... Beauty is pleasure... I shall give you pleasure... lf you touch and not begin... how's that pleasure? An irresistible physique is pleasure... To never drain in bed... is pleasure... Bravery in the absence of speed is pointless... At the stroke of luck, time by itself, loses it's value! Love without lust is... valueless! Anger in bed... is meaningless... A night sans mischief... is meaningless... And when we're sober... We're purposeless too... Touch me not... Trouble me not! For I will come myself... to hug you... I will grab what I need... So, don't be hesitant! Fierce are my kisses... that will turn you on... The rulers of the Villain clan... Came to acquire you... And without a conflict... I see they agreed to your demands! Yet you never gave yourself to them... For you did not find the attainable physique like mine! Fear is unknown to me! I agree... you're a pricey queen! Here I come... to embrace you... and never stop! Bro, he's the one... on the bike. Dakshina, you go the room. I'll go to the shop and come lt's raining! That's alright! It's Just the rain! Take the umbrella at least! -l'll back Hello? The old man's son has come to your house to dupe his dad and seize his property in the name of the Jewellery shop! How do you know it? I'm his accounts person and I'm the one who prepared the document. Please don't tell anyone that I informed you. Grandpa, I guess you don't like that grandfather story I narrated the other day! I've made another story. Based on young people! The budget is 80 crores. Full of computer graphics! It will out-do 'Robot'! There's no one to produce it here. Except you... who has the resources! If you allocate Just 80 crores from the 300 crores of yours... I will make sure the amount triples in number! Where do I have that much cash? It's Murugan who funds my food even! I know it all! .l know you have assets worth 300 crores! Food it seems! You think he's doing it for free? He'd provide you with food today and ask for your assets later. But I'm being frank about it today! Don't bad mouth about Murugan! - Who me? Tell me how would I know you're worth 300 crores? He was the one who said "You think I'm a fool to provide for an old man like him? ..." ... He said he's chalking out a plan to settle in life by acquiring your assets! Hey give me a month's time... I'll come not with 5 crores, but 10 crores... and we'll make a massive film! I swear on my mom he said it! Bro, he left the house because of you. You think he'll come back now? It's very easy to dupe fathers. If he see's his son weeping, his heart will melt! Check out my act now! Dad! Get up! Get up! Why're you crying like a small child? Dad, I know I shouldn't have asked for the Ashram. Forgive me! I've got this MLA seat with great difficulty. Only if I spend money can I win. Please give me the Jewellery store alone. That's enough! I won't ask you for anything more! When strangers can eye on my assets, it's in your birthright to ask. Except for the Ashram, I'll transfer all the assets to your name tomorrow. Dad... thank you! Careful dad... Tell me... We're leaving with the old man now. We can have the registration tomorrow. Ok. Call me once it's done. Stop that! Who're you to raise your hand on my son? He's trying to dupe you! Shut up! Unlike you, he only asked for his own dad's assets, not on someone else's! What? I wanted your assets? Shanmugam told me everything! You could've asked me straight away if you wanted money... You backstabbed me by buttering so much love! What I told Shanmugam was... Don't mince words now... I feel ashamed to stand in front of you! Please listen to me first! -Get Lost! He's going to dupe you in the name of the Jewellery store! Don't trust him. He's going to bring you and the kids to the road. How did you know this? I knew it some how. You're right. I am going to dupe him. Don't act smart. Yes, they're all going to be homeless, once the registration is done. Come and fetch them then... lt's not your father who's going to come to the road... but you! There is no man who's lived a full life by cheating his own parents! This registration won't happen. Poor you! You know who's buying the property? Who? MMEK Party Leader Akka! You can't do a thing! Look... leave alone your Akka... even if it's God himself... I won't let this happen! Anull, one minute. - Yeah? I wasn't aware of Grandpa's full story, forgive me! It's ok! If I'd known it involved kids, I wouldn't have opened my mouth! It's my fault too. I shouldn't have said that to you! I know you're all heading out for Grandpa's sake. If you don't mind, please utilize my brains too for this operation! Please Anull! Sure. You can Join us. But please keep your brains to yourself! Please bro! Brother? Come on guys... let's go... lt's ok... I'll come... Lets go boys! You're not embarrassed are you? - Then how would I get an award? Shall we? Akka's guy Masilamani isn't here yet. I've spoken to him. He should be here in ten minutes. Dad, you stay in the car. I'll call you when we're ready. Will Akka come here? No she won't. She'd send across some third hand dealer. Why isn't she answering the phone? Bro, Masilamani is here! There he comes! No third hand dealer, but a Tsunami! Why is he coming here? is this the time for your doubts? Not me! Why has he come here? To do a secret wedding, looks like. Why should he come here for that? Secret wedding are usually done in some place else. We'll do the registration once he's done. - Ok dad. Follow them. Ok brother! Tell me brother. Keep an eye on what's happening inside. - Ok. Come along... Sorry, has it got late? Not at all. This is our lawyer. Shall we? Give me a few minutes. My boys have gone inside on some work... let them come back and we'll proceed. Dad's here. We'll complete all the formalities with him around. Hey, what were they doing at the back? They Just came around. And did what? That's all they did! That's all? What is this? Sweets, they distributed it inside. Something seems strange... I ate it, seems fine! I have a feeling he's got some plan! Please keep the money inside. You haven't brought any evidences! There's a lot of risk involved. What is more risky than marriage itself? Mam, please accept this 5000 bucks... Please follow what I say sir. We can't do a registration without a family card. Madam please... accept this money. I know it's wrong to not carry the family card. Please adjust. How much do you offer finally? Bro, give me that! Madam, there's ten thousand in this. Your sincerity is appreciated! This is way too less! Don't leak the news that I accepted such a small amount! Leak? Us? Of course not! But we'll click a photograph though! Sir, what's going on? Why is he taking a picture? Switch off the camera! We're from the vigilance department. We're arresting you on charges of bribery. Sir, I'm really sorry. I won't do this again. Get going Madam. Go! Sir, we've arrested the registrar. Hey fools! We wore prison uniforms before we wore our school uniforms! We don't know what fear is! Get going! Let some breeze come in... Come on darling! So you went to prison when you were a kid? Oh my! I was trying to give a good finish to this scene! Anull, I didn't expect such a twist in this scene! I have a small obligation, can I use this scene for my script? Please! Thanks! Didn't I tell you guys to be alert? Did you pay attention to what I said? Don't you eat your damn Biriyani thrice a day? Silly me, got sweets from him! ? When they went around... that's all they did is it? Hey, you're running away so you can escape some thumps? Hang on bro, I'll bring him back. And you follow him to escape too? Trust me Akka, I had everything sorted to trick my dad But this guy intruded and goofed it up! Aren't you ashamed of yourself? When you enter politics, you need to be cautious even with a child! is this the guy you were talking about? You're Murugan right? Your screen name is Anull Murugan and you make a living by doing roles for 500 and 1000's! To become a villain is your dream. And... you're in love with this girl from that close-by hostel. is that right? This is my issue! One more time I see you interfere with this land dealing.... ... do yourJob alone! Get lost! He won't mess with us anymore! Wapa is on the line. Tell me Wapa. What happened to the land deal? Only the Ashram is pending. Will it take longer? My client is waiting. No. lt will be sealed in the next two days. Ok Madam. We can't trust him. Abduct his girl friend and let him know about it. You go along too. While he searches for her, seal the registration. Open this. Get me the cigarette. Tell me bro... Even if you give him directions to get here, he can't find out this place. Hello? Where are you? Which area are you in? I don't know. Check your phone display and tell me. Saidapet. Ok. What do you see outside? I can only see the street lamp through the window. That's enough! I'll be there! Saidapet Tell me if the power goes off? -Ok It's back. - Superb! Darshini, don't panic. I found out the area. I'll look for the street. Stay on the line. Did it go off? - No Now? - No Now? - Yeah. lt went off! is it on now? - Yeah. Ok, this is the street. Hello? One minute! Did it go off? - No. Now? - No. Yeah... now it did. Didn't you hear something? Why do you fret? He can't get here! Ask one of them to go and check... Why're you so scared? I'll go and check myself! Who can change if this is his fate? There he goes... with his stunts! Time for us to duck down! Why're you hiding here? Aren't you ashamed of doing this? If we think of shame, we can't escape from him. Wrap yourself with a cloth! How come I didn't think of this? That's it now! Enough! Don't over act! What happened to you? Only if I act, could I hug you! Why did you move? Sorry bro! What if he finds us? Who's there? He didn't spot us! He spotted us but let us free! He's a good guy! Oh droplets of dew... on the flower so beautiful! My heart is floating in the air! It's going Topsy-turvy... With a possessed feeling upon seeing you... Oh island of love... burning with desire... Without making it obvious, I'm gasping for breath upon seeing you! Don't imitate a spirit... By hopping free and entering my body! My eyes sparkle... my heart bursts... My blood boils... in the spirit of love! It screams... turns my cheeks the color red, And this love... drains me like in sickness! Oh droplets of dew... on the flower so beautiful! My heart is floating in the air! It's going topsy-turvy... With a possessed feeling upon seeing you... Oh dear! Before you set your eyes on me... I used to live like a lifeless stone! When your eyes met me... I became a measuring stone with value... Before you conversed with me, I was a dumb chump! After I heard your words... I flourished into a new book of literature! I hadn't known myself earlier! Today, I'm a 'know-all' saint! When I think of you... The cells of my body glitters like stars! My eyes sparkle... my heart bursts... My blood boils... in the spirit of love! It screams... turns my cheeks the color red, And this love... drains me like in sickness! I was like the*******, Wilting within their barbed confines... But with your love, I will evolve into a country of my own! The gravitational force of the world, Was measured by millions! When I told them about your mesmerizing pull... Many a people were knocked down right then! We will find a purpose to the existence of our eyes! We will find a purpose to the existence of our hands... But when our souls merge... There is no reason to Justify it! My eyes sparkle... my heart bursts... My blood boils... in this spirit of love! It screams... turns my cheeks the color red, And this love... drains me like in sickness! Anull, the cars have started. Grandpa is in the second vehicle. Master, is our fighter ok? Don't worry. He's a sport! That's why I told Shanmugam that. But you misunderstood me... He's right. You're about to transfer the Ashram not the store. I was forced to write that agreement for the fear of your son... Sir! Sir! Sir! Grandpa! What happened Dakshina? Say something... Look here... what's wrong? He took my signature at the temple itself, before we reached the register office. I misunderstood you Muruga! Forgive me! Forget about it! This is no big deal. You Just signed right? Get up! This is no big deal! We'll take care of it. Help him get up. Don't fear such things... Don't worry. What's up? Akka's guys are bringing down the Ashram! When a flood strikes, where shall it go? Undoubtedly merges with flowing rivers, for there are many... ln distress, where does the soul go? For there are abundant temples, to keep beliefs intact... This being our only temple, When we part from this temple of ours, where shall we go? Where shall we go? Hello sir! Dad, please forgive me! I've paid a big price for cheating you. After the Ashram documents were transferred, I went in Joy to Akka's office to talk about the MLA seat. But her goons didn't let me in, they quarreled with me. That's when I realized she'd betrayed me She put false charges and got me arrested too! Dad, I don't want this politics! Please bail me out! You've cut off from your evil compay then this is no big deal! I'll take care of it. Hello bro! -Hello How're you doing today? Good! And you? Not any good! I live with a compact family... As per government rules... My boss has turned into a good guy now. Who'll give us our daily allowances? Who'll take care of my family? You have to find me a solution! Nice performance! Looks like you already have a plan, suggest what you want. Make me a gym-boy in cinema! You know I get bashed up pretty well! You? Capable of getting bashed up? Cinema needs fake actors like you! And you qualify for it! Thanks! - Welcome! I've qualified as a gym-boy without going to the gym! It's Tamil, Telugu, Hindi and Hollywood in that order! But you don't now any English bro! You haven't heard me speak English? Going still? ! - Bro! Take my snaps! who sacrificed her life for the welfare of the city - Akka! On behalf of the numerous followers here, I welcome the one and only woman, Akka! Hey Kutti Rani! Akka, I need to talk to you. Isn't your real name Kutti Rani? Weren't you involved with a brothel at Silk Pettai when you were 15? You got hold of a counselor who came for your service... later got hold of an MLA through him and settled as his mistress? ! After which your MLA became a minister. And... your tricks turned into politics! You pushed him to start his own party and seeing it's growth you killed him and acquired his place today! Poor him! You're one heavy weight throwing around your weight in politics! You know how many of them are homeless because of you? Poor kids of that Ashram... how did they harm you? The Ashram was their parent in the absence of their real parents! You ruined that too huh? You will... someday... lay lifeless... on those same streets! Are you trying to threaten me? Challenging you! What'd you say that day? Do what you're supposed to! I came to play a villain in cinema... But I'm your villain in real life! Watch my 'film' from now! Who're you guys? What's happening there? If you shout, I'll stab you. You're mistaken if you think you can stop your property from being sold if you attack me. You saw my house right? I'm a dummy! There's no use if you kill me. Akka does the execution. Only Wapa is the deciding authority. If there's anyone you have to attack, it's only Wapa. Wapa... who's he? Wapa is Akka's shadow. The minute we third hand dealers get the property, its under his control. He takes care of land dealing, transferring money to Swiss banks, expenses during elections and murders who behave rough with Akka! Only the sea has count of the number of people he's killed. Try attacking him. If you do, you'll get your Ashram. But it isn't easy. He portrays a good-man-image and has strong support for himself! Even if there are a thousand bones in a fish, Just one hook chokes its throat. I'm your Wapa's hook and his fish bone! You think you can walk about freely after you've killed my father? I won't spare you anymore! If you have the guts, face me by yourself. Who do you think you're talking to? Throw them out! Anull, I don't think we can kidnap him here. I'll do it right here... in this market. The AC is very low in the caravan! Come soon sir... Wow! What a crowd! There's no one up there sir! is this crowd for me? The market is usually very crowded! Give me your hand! I'm the hero of this film! You want my autograph? It's my school notes! Please let me go. I gotta go for class. He escaped! That boy is pretty strong! And you're very weak! I'm shooting all my sequences in this market! Why? At least I get some crowd here, unlike my empty theatre shows! Superb sir! We have a passionate scene in our film, I don't think we can shoot that in here! If this crowd is born out of that passion, it's not wrong to film it here! Sir, the situation is such that... I'm the one and only man behind the story, screenplay, dialogues, music direction, lyrics, cinematography and production of this film. I've come to this goon's place, who killed my mother... and I fight with him shooting my usual punch dialogues! You know, I'm producing this film... from the money I earned by selling mangoes at Maldives! I should either go back with my money or least... with the mangoes. Or else... Else he'd go with the seed of a mango! Who's that now? What are you looking at me for? Sir, it's getting late. Please start! So... the mango seed... gosh! Sir, you drive fast and stop the car... Opened the door... got down... You come running in slow motion... And you see your mother dead... You are angry... furious... You look up and see the villain... and 20 of his thugs! The fight starts from there... Who's he? With a sickle in mid air? What's he doing? Where's he going? Isn't the lift working? What are you doing sir? Sorry master... we'll move on to the close up now! What's happening there? That's a plan to attack Wapa. Why? Did he fall down or something? They're gonna abduct him! Ask them to do it after I leave... lf we tell them, they'll abduct you too. Ok... ready! One more... Sir, please smile and turn... Some more sir... Dude, Wapa is coming here... He's here too huh? Here... right here... I won't leave this place without taking a dump here! Am I the director or are you? You can't deliver a dialogue but you question me? Who's that? That guy who acted in that film Takkar? He's the hero. Why is this guy so enthusiastic? What are standing there for? Stand here... Give me some spray... You don't need any! Pass this take at least! Sorry mommy! Please bear with me! What are you looking at? Get Wapa into the vehicle! Good plan! Yeah, the plan worked out good! Yogi, don't get scared... Come on guys! He abducted Wapa... in his own area... how could he? If Wapa opens his mouth, I'm dead meat! He's showing me his tricks huh? Cinematic fool! Search thoroughly... Get going... Bundle him up! We are the ones, who act smart, someone to out-do us huh? 500 gym boys are around! Anull, we've bundled up all these guys as you said. What do we do with them? Show them around Bombay... Bihar and bring them back when I tell you to. Why have you brought me here? CBl Enquiry. What wrong did I do? Why have you arrested me? Land mafia, land grabbing, your association with Akka... and the murders you've committed for her... why did you? Come on... we're all ears! Whatever it is, call my lawyer... He fled the city once we arrested you. The search the on! Co-operate with us! What's your name? Where are you from? Where's your family? What's your connection with Akka (older sister)? I don't have an older sister. Only younger! Joke huh? Nice! What's the connection between the Politician Akka and you? Any physical... pain? Akka? I don't know who she is! Abdul... I'm a Muslim Just like you are. This is for your own good. Spill out the truth! No! Did he come up with something bro? I don't think he'd say a word even if the actual CBl was here. Ok, I gotta leave. I'm doing a cop's role in Gautham Menon's film. My car's waiting... I'll push off! Thanks bro! Bro, what shall we do now? What else, we'll call for the special officer then! Mr. Khader... Abdul Khader... Good morning. lt's daytime. I'm Unnikrishnan. 7299026293. Who's number is this? It's mine. 9841944339. Did you get a call from this number this month? No Good memory! Sure not! Because it's my number! 9841393548 - You've got a call from this number very often. It's an unknown number. But you don't have this number on your phone memory. But you do have it in this memory! This is Akka's number. Ok. Take rest. I'll take leave! Morning. My name is Robert! There is a property in Anna Nagar that belongs to you? Why do you torture us by saying you know nothing? You claim that you don't know who Akka is. What... is this some plan of both of you? So you agree that you know her? Sir, I hear you haven't uttered a word to any of the officers earlier? You think you're being smart? Police officers handle an enquiry pretty rough... Where as CBl officers.... Lights off! Switch off the lights. Don't hit me! Lights on! CBl Officers don't hit. We are supposed to handle the case softly. So please co-operate with us. Don't trust him. He put off the lights and hit me! He's acting! He hit me! Only the lights came on, not the camera lf you are ready to talk the truth, the camera will be turned on. Or else, lights will go off Just like how it did now! What do you prefer? I know Akka. There you go! She came to me to sell a piece of land 10 years ago... I know her since then. I've committed various crimes for her. From land grabbing to quarrels to disputes, murders... many such similar crimes. I even killed that Keeran's Journalist recently because she asked me to. Hello and good morning! Today's flash news: Wapa of G.R Developers is under the custody of the police. He has reported against Ranganayaki. I've said it many times before. I don't have anything to do with Wapa. Sir, Akka claims she doesn't have anything to do with Wapa. is she pure enough to admit the truth? I have evidences for everything. Wait till tomorrow... What does it look like Bro? Will Akka get arrested? In spite of these evidences, they haven't arrested her yet. You think they can do itJust because they've got evidences? I hear there's some connection between Akka and Wapa! Don't spread rumors! Wait and watch... she's got some strong support. The victims of the land grabbing case have come forward by themselves, When we spoke to the CM about this: "We're not hiding anything. If she has done wrong, she will face the repercussions of it." With the evidence of the videotape provided by Wapa a.k.a Abdul Khader, it has been proved that land grabbing has taken place. Hence, the court demands Rangakayaki a.k.a Akka to appear this Friday. Hello? Madam asked me to call. Can you pass on the phone to her? It's been so long. When are you going to release me? We're not releasing you anywhere! Are you going to kill me? Does Madam know about this? Madam is on the line. Talk to her! Hello? - Just die Wapa. Madam? Only if you die can I escape. I don't have a choice. I don't have the time to sympathize. You better die! Mam... no... why should I... what did I do? Hello? Mam? Kill yourself sir! I will not! You have to... there's no other choice. If you harm my family... lf you don't want us to... then... I deserve this and more... for trusting Madam! G.R.Builders Wapa dies a mysterious death in prison. lnvestigations are on if it's a suicide or murder. When we asked for people's opinions: I don't think it's suicide. It's a planned murder. When has the corrupt politician got caught? Only his associates face such trouble. Akka's target this time was Wapa. Protestors against Akka crowded outside the court today... Grandpa, when can we go home? - Very soon! When I come out, create a ruckus and kill him. This seems to me like an obvious attempt against Ms. Rangakayaki. I request the court to investigate and punish the accused responsible for this. That's all you're honour. Bearing in mind the death of the key witness Mr. Wapa and based on the evidence provided in his videotape, witnesses of people and their protest against Ranganayaki, the court orders her to be remanded for 15 days, for further investigations. The court promises to replace the land of the people that have been compromised earlier. You'll lay on the same road, Lifeless... one day! After few months What is it? Where is Grandpa? Grandpa is really busy these days! Sir, that was his remuneration when he was a villain. He's become a hero now. I'm in charge of everything! Let me know if you're ok with this payment. We'll seal the deal. Shaun, what's going on, love? Shaun, what's happened? ! Shaun, what's wrong? I'm a fucking idiot! What's happened, Shaun? Where's Michelle? (SOBS) She's never gonna want to speak to me again. Why, love? What's wrong? She caught me with that little slag, Fay. I shouldn't have done and I did. I was telling myself not to do it all the time and I did. Shaun, look at me. And now I've gone and thrown everything away that I had with her. No, you haven't, Shaun. She's never going to want to talk to me again. She's already told me, Mum. I've ruined everything. I've ruined Christmas. How am I going to make my dad proud of me if I can't even keep a girlfriend? (SOBS) Listen, Shaun, we always forgive the people we really love. Michelle'll be OK. She's not gonna be all right, Mum, you never saw her. She was in bits. It's going to be OK. Have you ever heard of an 18-hour cafe? Yeah. Well, they exist, mate, and I'm gonna show you one right now. Really? Really? Yeah, really, really. Where is there an 18-hour cafe round here? It was built in the 18th century, which is strange. By monks. It was built in the 18th century, which is strange. By monks. Was it? No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. (GIGGLES) All right. All right. Shit. All right, Wood. You all having a good night? It's all right. Well, I... Well, I look a cunt in front of youse. You don't look a cunt. I feel like one, though, to be honest with you, mate. You're not a cunt. You certainly know how to treat me like one, though, don't you? Don't you? No, I'm all right. Fucking... You let me stand in front of her while she gave birth to your fucking baby. And I wanted... I wanted a child. It were fucking planned for us, Milk. And do you ever see her? Do you? No, do you fuck! I fucking really loved you, mate. I used to call you me brother. Didn't I? Yeah, I fucking did. I fucking cried with you, you cunt. Do you remember that? Fucking crying with you? Yeah, fuck, mate. You've broke it. You've fucking broken everything, you have. I didn't do this on purpose. I didn't do this on purpose. No, did you fuck, mate, nah. You just did it anyway. Didn't you, you fucker? I haven't fucking seen any of you for t'last two months. Where've you all fucking been? Where've you been for t'last two fucking months? Same fucking place we always are, boss. I've been going fucking mental, Harvey. Going mad, man. I'm not who I were. I tried to fucking do myself in! I tried to kill myself. Do you know that? Are you fucking aware of that? Fuck! Are any of you aware of it? I've been going fucking mad. Come on. Fuck! Fuck's sake. Yeah, go on. Fuck off. And you all go wi' him. Go on, then. See you in a bit, yeah, yeah, Gadge, I'll see you in a bit, mate. Fucking siding with that cunt there. We're not siding! You are, you're fucking siding with that cunt! We're not siding, we're not siding, Woody. Well, where have you been? Where've you fucking been? Two fucking months. We've been around. I've fucking missed you like mad. I'm overcome with you, Gadget, I fucking love you. I love youse. And I fucking love you and all, there. And I fucking love you and all, there. We love you too. All of youse. And you. And I loved you as well, you fucking 'orrible bastard. I loved you. (BANJO) Come on. How can you still stand there? Why haven't you fucked off? Fuck off! Fuck off! Richey, no! Stop it! Please, just don't! Please! Please, just don't! Please! Fuck off, Jen, just fuck off! Woods, we've all had a drink. Just leave it, please! Fuck off! Come on, come on! We were mates. Fucking mates! Get off me, man. (GADGET) Come on, man! Fuck off! Fuck off! Get the fuck off me. Chill! You're mates. Woody, I'm not fighting you. Fucking get away, get away! Get away. Just talk, man. Fucking hell! Fuck! What do I do now? You've ruined... Ruined my life. You've fucking ruined my life, man. Do you know that? You've ruined it. I'm sorry, Woody. I'm sorry, Woody. No, you're not sorry. Iamsorry! If you were, you'd have come and fucking seen me. You're a fucking snake in the grass. You are, mate. You are. You are. We were brothers, we were. I'd have fucking died for you. I would've fucking died for you. That's what I would've done. Fucking go away from me, Milk. Come on, Milk. Yeah, go on, fuck off. Go and fuck off, mate.Jen... Kel, Trev, come on. No, go on, you're all right, Kelly. Go away from me. No, go on, you're all right, Kelly. Go away from me. Woody, I can't leave you. I'm all right, love. I'm all right, I'm all right! Just fuck off, go away from me. Fuck off! Go away from me now. (HARVEY) Leave him, man, let him do what he's doing. Kelly, go away. Fucking go away! Go away! Go on, now! Fucking... Get off! For fuck's sake! Come on, man, just move! Just leave it, Milk. There'snopoint,justleaveit. Milk, Milk, Milk, leave it. Leave it, boss, come on. Get off me! Get off me! There's no point, Milky! Just leave it, man. I fucking loved ya! Do you hear me? I fucking loved you, man. Oh. Ohhh, fuck. Woody, let's go home, please. Yeah? Yeah. All right, I'm all right now. I'm all right now. It's all right, Jen. It's all right, sweetheart, it's OK. (CRIES) It's OK. It's OK. In Christ, the light of the world has come to dispel the darkness of our hearts. In His light, let us examine ourselves and confess our sins. Lord, have mercy. (CONGREGATION) Lord, have mercy. Jesus, our Saviour, you were born in poverty and laid in a manger. Forgive our greed and rejection of your ways. Christ, have mercy. (CONGREGATION) Christ, have mercy. Spirit of love, your servant, Mary, responded joyfully to your call. Forgive the hardness of our hearts. Lord, have mercy. (CONGREGATION) Lord, have mercy. (DISTANTLY) May the God of all healing and forgiveness... CONGREGATION SINGING This is the word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. ..forgiveness. Draw you to himself, that you may behold the glory of his Son, the word made flesh, and be cleansed from all your sins, through Jesus Christ, our Lord. (MICK) What are you doing here? (WHISPERS) What are you doing here? Because I'm here, Lol. And I will always be here. (VICAR) Today, the angels sing on Earth. Hallelujah, glory to God in the highest. Glory to you, oh, Lord. In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made by Him. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness. The darkness has not overcome it. This is the gospel of the Lord. (CONGREGATION) Praise to you, oh Christ. Well, it's Christmas... Save us twos on that. Yeah, I will. Yeah, I will. I can't smoke in the house anymore. My mum's like, "The smell!" The smell? The smell? Yeah, she fucking smokes in there. I was going to say. Come on, then. Hang on. What a night. I know. We ought to go to sleep. Can we check on Lisa first? Trev, you do this all the time. She's asleep, you'll wake Lol up. No. Come on, please. Come on, I never get to see her. You get to see her all the time. You're kidding.Please. Just one minute. Trev. One minute! Oh, yeah. Seriously, one minute. And don't wake her up with your massive feet. Fuck off! Fuck off! I swear to God... Shh! You're being dead loud. It was the bells. (WHISPERS) She's so sweet! I could just eat her! I'm just going to see Lol. Trev, get the fuck here! I think Lol's took an overdose. You need to go and get an ambulance. (COMMUNITY NURSE) If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and shalt believe in thine hurt that God had raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart, man believeth unto righteousness, and with the mouth, confession is made unto salvation. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. Father, I come before you in prayer and in faith believing. Your word says that you desire all men and women to be saved and come into the knowledge of the truth, so I bring Lorraine before you today. Show her mercy, Lord. Forgive her, for I believe you died on the cross for all mankind, to save our souls from sin. Please come into Lorraine's heart. Live in her, Lord, so that she can have life, not death. (DOCTOR) Try not to struggle. (COMMUNITY NURSE) I ask that you look with mercy and grace towards Lorraine. Nourish her spirit and her soul... OK, you're doing very well. Try not to struggle, Lorraine. (VICAR) Eternal God, who made this most holy night to shine with the brightness of your... (MAN) You're the only one who knows. (VICAR) ..bring us, who have known the revelation of that light on Earth to see the radiance of your heavenly glory. Through Jesus Christ, your Son, our Lord, who is alive and... (VOICE DISTORTS) (MAN) I love you so much. (COMMUNITY NURSE) I believe you hear this earnest prayer from my heart, and that it's powerful because of your promise. I have faith in you, Lord, to heal my friend. But I also trust in the plan you have for her life. Lord, I don't always understand your ways, I don't know why my friend has to suffer, but I trust you. I ask that you look with mercy and grace towards Lorraine. Nourish her spirit and her soul in this time of suffering and comfort her with your presence. Let Lorraine know that you're there with her through this difficult time. Give her strength. And may you, through this difficulty, be glorified in her life and also in mine. MAN: Lorraine took an acute overdose of paracetamol. We've pumped her stomach. I think we've got most of the pills back up. I want to see her, please. Yes, of course. It will be a little while. She's got to go for psychiatric assessment, which is just normal procedure for anyone who's attempted suicide. And then we'll take some bloods and keep monitoring her progress. But she will be taken to a ward as soon as she can see you. I will let you know. How's your hand? Sore. Just scraped it on the gravel. Think it looks worse than it is. I'm so sorry, Jen. You don't have to be sorry. It's really weird. I feel really indifferent about it now. It's like... Well, that's it now, innit? What do you mean? Just after that, you know. It's such a big thing. How can we be friends again now? We can't. That's it. Yeah, but they... they are your mates, they're the people you've got all your history with. You're my friend. You're the one who stayed. I know I told 'em to go, but I didn't want them to. Not really. You wish you had it all back, don't you? Some... Sometimes. Sometimes I do. It's the way it is, though, isn't it? Lost for ever. I've never seen you like that, like you were last night. It's cos you still... ..feel so strongly about her, isn't it? Cos you're still so...heart broke. Innit? You need to make it up with them. They're the people you should be hanging around with. That's your life. That's who you are. Why can't you just be more of a twat with me about it? Why do you have to be so fucking wonderful about everything all the time? I don't think you deserve someone like me, Jen, who's unsure of what they want. I don't know what I want. I don't know what to do. I don't want to patronise you. And I think I am doing. Fucking hell, I'm not without me faults. I'm such a fucking wimp. I am, Jen. I never man up to anything. I know, because you don't face up to things what are true, what are real. I feel like the biggest twat in all the world. You might be... You might be one of the most amazing people I've ever met. Shut up! Shut up! I know it sounds really awful, but it's true, Jen. Yeah, it does! You don't need to say that to me. I know I don't need to. Shh.I don't need to. But you really are... Oh, fucking hell, mate. I'm not Lol, though, am I? Was this your first suicide attempt? Can you describe your feelings prior to the act? Not really. Do you have a desire to hurt yourself or anyone around you? Do you own a gun? Or do you have access to firearms? Do you have access to potentially harmful medication? Right, so, what could it be? Could it be a record? Could it be a skateboard? Could it be...? I think it's a bit soft, isn't it? WOODY: Mm. A bit flexible. Could it be...? Could it be...? Shall I open it? You might have to just do it! I'm going to! Oh! A shirt. It's not one shirt. It's not one shirt. There's not one shirt there, Dad. It's not one shirt. There's not one shirt there, Dad. Two shirts. Hey. Got a knocker here. Is that the door? Is that the door? It'll be Sheila, won't it? Next door. I don't think so, at this time. She might want some Bisto or summat. You'd better go and bloody get it. Christ. Come on, then. What's going on? We don't all have to bloody go! Yeah, we do. Yeah, we do. We're like the bloody Waltons! Hello! All right, Trev. Sorry, love. Happy Christmas! I've been trying to phone you. It's been engaged all morning. I told you, it's stupid, that is! Listen, come inside. We're just opening some presents. You can sit down with us, if you like. I can't come in. I'm sorry for coming round on Christmas Day. Um... But you're going to have to come to the hospital with me. It's Lol, she's took an overdose. No, she hasn't! Trev! Is it bad? No, it's all right. Is it really...? Fucking hell! Wait there, Trev. Listen, son, calm down. You need your jacket. (SHOUTING) Shut up! Shut the fuck up! Who's put 'em in there? ! Fucking hell! Go on, Trev. COMMUNITY NURSE: Father, I bring Lorraine before you today. I break the power of Satan from his assignments and activities in her life in the name of Jesus. Now, while Satan is bound, I ask that you send forth the Holy Spirit, to share the good news of the gospel in such a way that she will listen and understand it. As the truth is ministered, I believe Lorraine will come to know and love you and so out of the snare of the devil. Therefore, my confession of faith is this - by delivering her from the mouth of death, God has begun work in Lorraine's life and may this continue until the day of the return of our Lord Jesus Christ. In Jesus's name. Amen. Do you know where I can find Lorraine Jenkins, please? Know where it is. Fucking hell. Which floor is it on? TREV: Top one. Top one. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Woody, for fuck's sake, calm down! Why didn't you come and get me? ! What the fuck! Calm down, Woody! Why...? ! Calm down. CHRISSIE: What are you doing? Fucking why didn't you come and get me? She's fucking been ringing you all day! What am I gonna do? Roll up and knock on your door after yesterday's performance? Oh, I'm sorry. Just calm down. Where have they put her? What do you mean? Where have they put her fucking body? Where is she? Where is me Lol? You daft twat! She's not dead, she's downstairs, having a fucking smoke, you idiot! Fuck's sake! Fuck's sake! What the fuck's...? ! You thought she was dead? Who's fucking made this? It's a made bed. Yeah, they make the bed every time you fucking get up! What a fucking stupid thing to do! You thought she was dead as well? She's fine, she's had her stomach pumped. She's gonna be all right. Oh, bloody hell. Oh, fucking hell. I love you, man, for fuck's sake. Me too. I'm sorry, Chris. Come here. The bed's made, she's not in it. I thought she'd fucking died! You had your head in your hands. I thought she'd died, Milk. She's all right. Oh, fuck's sake. Fucking hell. Have you seen this? You haven't even got any stitches. Well, go and get her, then. Fucking hell. You all right, Lol? What you doing here? They said you were down here, so I wanted to find you. Well, you can come in. Do you want me to? Just a minute. Mummy's little soldier. There are two of us in this war. We're all hurting. That is sore! I'll sit down. Well, I didn't expect to see you or laugh today, so...thanks for that. Funny guy. Can't be helped. how's the whole... overdose treating you? Yeah, not too bad. Didn't quite go to plan. But I'm glad. Fucked it right up. Next time, maybe I'm thinking a nuclear warhead. Them big fucking hand cannons like Clint Eastwood has. Use one of them. Because I'm telling you now, there isn't a paracetamol on Earth that would take any of your family out. Like, it's ridiculous. What an idea! You're the hardest bunch of bastards in the world. And you're like their fucking leader. You're like the hardest person I know. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Yeah, you are, Lol! You fucking are! Look at me now. Maybe the hardest person in the universe, to me. What the fuck, Lol? Fucking paracetamol. It's Christmas Day! What got so bad? I've been really poorly, Woods. And it's nothing to do with you or... Milky, or any of that. It was me who killed my dad, Woody. Not Combo. It was me. And he's gone to prison for something he didn't do. I couldn't live with it. Fuck! (SNIFFS) Fuck! I'm so sorry! To be on your own, with that. Combo. Yeah, I know. Does anybody else know? Only you and Combo know. I don't want to be telling anyone else.No. Though I was going to ask if you wanted to move in, but... How dangerous are you, out of ten? Sweetheart? I wanted to be brave. You are brave. You are, Lol. Oh, God! What would I have done? ! I've been so lonely without you. You dick! Don't call me a dick! You are! We both are. Got a mental idea, me. Um, why don't we fucking grow up? Sounds like a good idea.Yeah. Haven't even met Lisa. She's beautiful. You'll love her. I can't wait to meet her. Put your head on my chest for a bit. Like we used to... ..watch telly. God, God, I love you, Lol! I can't be with anyone else. I'm so glad you're here. Me too. 1x12 - Rhino'sRevenge The valley of peace. A land cruelly beset by a thousand villains, and yet tranquility reigns, due to a single bodacious hero-- the Dragon Warrior! Who, in his eternal pursuit of justice, never rests... You shall not have your way with me, demon enchantress... Huh? Happy Dragon Warrior day! Oh, yeah. A whole day celebrating the Dragon Warrior. Which is great if you are the Dragon Warrior, which, last time I checked, I am! We have something for you. Ooh, bean cake. Ah, ah, ah. You want the bean cake? You have to go through us. my two favorite things-- Food and kung fu! Ah! Here's my fist! Sorry, didn't have time to wrap it. Is this fun for you? Monkey said you would like it. Are you kidding? It's awesome. Ah. Oh! Wing cramp. Guys, watch this. Ooh... And that's what makes me the Dragon Warrior. Po, the imperial sculptor Is here to capture your... magnificence. Cool. Wow, it's really... Huh. Uh, where's the head? I haven't started. I'm sort of new to art. Uh, look, and I'm just spitballing here, But, uh, maybe we should do one with a bit more sizzle. Sizzle? Yeah, like this. A big dragon with flaming wings! Or I could do a wise, old turtle With flaming wings! Or a tree... With flaming wings? Don't see why not. I think it needs to be a little more... Without flaming wings. Oh. Oh, right. Oh. Ooh! Oh, wait, no. That one has flaming wings. Ooh, sorry. I get the idea. Sweet. Well, I'm gonna go head down to the village, and, uh... What about your training, panda? But, master Shifu, They're, like, hanging streamers and stuff For me. I have fans. Very well. But be back in time to train tonight. Whoa. Cool. Hey, everybody. Happy Dragon Warrior day. Hey, Po. Thanks for getting rid of Tai Lung. Hey there, Zhao. Did you wear that for me, mrs. Yoon? Oh, Po. Yes. Ooh, hey, Po, You want to see our kung fu routine for the Dragon Warrior parade? Lay it on me. - I got an uncle there. This could be something. Does he like you? Would he do you a favor? Favor? He'd kill for me. He'd kill for you. For $100, he'd kill for anybody. Why don't you put out a contract on the spareribs? Would your uncle handle a package for me? - Sure, for a price. - He doesn't have to kill the package. Just pick it up and deliver it to the airport in Chicago. It's done. Won't cost you a dime. Lady, you're a real gentleman. All you gotta do is sign my psycho discharge papers... you and Captain Mclntyre. Klinger, that paper has to be signed by three doctors. We're only two. - Nobody else wants to be three. - Okay. The deal's off! - Wait a second! - No discharge, no package. And I expect you to "un-succotash" my stole, sir! - [Trapper] So emotional. - Meanwhile, my ribs are sitting there... like barbecued orphans. - Gee, I wish I could help. - I wonder how you'd taste charcoaled. - Hey! - You know, I just remembered. I knew a redhead in Chicago. Oh, boy. You talk about your ribs. - Yeah, yeah? - What was her name? Mildred. That's right. Mildred Feeney. - Would she do you a favor? - She already did. She could pick up the ribs. She could pay for them and put them on a plane. - I'd send her a check. - You're hallucinating. I haven't seen her in years. It was a one-night stand. No, it was a two-night. No, I think it was three! Radar, prepare finger. Ready to dial. Hello? Yeah, Mildred Feeney? Uh, right. Hold on. Go. Hello, Mildred? This is John Mclntyre. That's right, "Big John." - "Big John?" - Lucky! Look, honey, I know it's been a lot of years, but, uh... No, I'm not actually in Chicago now. A little bit west of there. I'm in Korea, to be exact. Well, I got called up into the war... and uh... I got to thinkin' about you. What? The war, Mildred. - The war! - [Imitating Bomb Exploding] Come on, you guys, take it easy. You're worse than the real thing. - Lay it on her, will ya? - What, baby? - Me? Married? Married? - Of course I'm not married, Mildred. - Come on. Cut it out. - Wh-Who could follow you? - Hey, we could lose this line. - Lay it on her, will ya? Uh, honey, look. I want ya to do me a favor. There's a package under the name of"Pierce"... at a place called "Adam's Ribs" next to the Dearborn Street station. I want you to go in there and pay for it and take it to the M.P. S... at Midway Airport. Yeah, I'll send you a check for it. Uh, mark the package "Dr. B.F. Pierce... "4077 MASH, Korea. Rush: Medical Supplies." What? It's ribs and sauce. - Yeah. We use 'em for, uh... - Anatomy practice. Anatomy practice, right. Well, they don't allow us to work on real people. The sauce? Well, uh, they don't let us use real blood, either. You understand? Boy, she's smart. Thanks a lot, Mildred. Right, honey. Bye-bye. - [Whispering] Come on, come on. - Mildred, I can't keep the war on hold. I gotta go. Bye-bye. [Kissing Sounds] - [Cackling] Radar. - Yeah? Wire the M.P. S at Midway Airport. Tell them that the package is for Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce. - Yeah. - General MacArthur's personal physician. MacArthur. Wow. I've never been in the stockade before. Then wire the, uh, Military Air Transport Service, A.P.O. San Francisco. - "A.P. O..." - Tell them that it's urgent. Critical medical supplies. - "Critical..." - "Handle with Care. Highly Infectious." Uh, mark it, "Quickest possible. Do not spill. Keep refrigerated." Way to go, "Big John." - Sir. Wake up, sir. The spareribs are here. - Where? Where? They're in a supply depot down in Ouijongbu. - Uh, they're hung up in channels. - Who hung 'em? Well, I talked to a Major Pfiefer. - He wouldn't even talk to me when I talked to him. - What'd he say? He started with, "Drop dead." And then he got rude! We'll get him, even if we have to call Klinger's uncle. - Trap? Wake up! - [Mumbling] Mildred... - Me and the ribs, we're all in Korea! - Let's eat! Come on, Dan. It's on the way to Seoul. No room. I gotta take this kid down for X ray. Unless you want to use the rumble seats. - Okay! You got it! - Gimme your hand. Climb under. Watch your head. Okay, get him in. "4077 MASH..." Oh yes, talked to some... cocky little nurse at your outfit. - Radar. - Tried to muscle me on the phone. She's a tough little cookie. There it is. "One box, medical supplies. Marked urgent." - Figures. - We're doctors. We need that stuff, Major. - It's important. - Yeah, it's a new wonder drug. Top shelf. Keep those code numbers to the front, so we can read them. Oh, sorry. It's only our first day on the job. - What about our package? - You know what I've got to process? Twelve Sherman tanks, 2,000 blankets, 100,000 rolls of toilet paper. A trainload of semiautomatic corn poppers and baby A-bomb components. - They're delicious with popcorn. - Whatever it is, I've got it. And you want me to find one insignificant little box of med supplies. We sometimes use them in our work. You think because you save lives, it's important. Move this over there. Sure. - Another box of hernias, huh? - [Grunting, Sighing] Major, you're not gonna cooperate, huh? If I help one person, I have to help everybody. You can't run a war on cooperation. All right, fine. We'll go up the line. - Who's your boss? - My sergeant. - Where is he? - Look, he's very busy, and I don't want him upset. We're not gonna upset him. He's over in Admin. Sergeant Tarola. Please don't tell him I sent you. Thank you, Major. You've been a tower ofJell-O. Nobody cut requisition orders on this. Emergency medical shipment, Sergeant. There's no S-47/19-J accompanying. I told you we should have got an S-47/19-J accompanying, but you wouldn't listen! - That's necessary? - Necessary? We don't go to latrine around here without an S-47/19-J. Sorry. I wasn't gonna say anything, but this little supermarket of yours isn't all that clean. Yeah. Ideal breeding environment for cholera. - The plague. - You're kidding. Do you always sweat in 40-degree temperature? - I'm not sweating. - You should be. Nothin' wrong with me. I feel sensational. Ah! There it is. Say that again, will ya? I feel sensational? - Definite slurring of the "S." - Classic early symptom. - Followed by the eyes blinking in an up-and-down motion. - Mm-hmm. You know if there's plague here, we'll have to close the place. Post it as a contagious area. - Give you a chance to be reassigned. - You're probably anxious... to get up to the fighting war anyway, aren't you? [Scoffs] What's in the package? Spareribs and sauce from Chicago. - Adam's Ribs? - You know? I'm from Joliet. I'd walk to Chicago on my knees... in the snow for a takeout order. He's one of you. - How many you got? - Forty pounds. I'll take twenty and a quart of sauce. Ten, and a pint of sauce. Twelve, and a pint and a half. And coleslaw. We didn't order any coleslaw. You sent all the way to Chicago, and no coleslaw? Forgive us, we're draftees. ##[Wolf Whistle] Shall we give thanks? Praise the Lord and pass the sauce. [Man On P.A.] Attention all personnel. Attention. Ambulances in the lower compound. Choppers on the upper pad. - [Helicopter Whirring] - Incoming wounded. Repeat, incoming wounded. All O.R. Personnel report on the double. - Come on! - [Man On P.A. Repeating] No! No, that's not fair! - Come on. - No, no, wait! It's not fair! We got ribs now! Adam's Ribs from Chicago! We lied to Mildred! I had to send her a check! [Continues, Indistinct] [ANNOUNCER READING ON-SCREEN TEXT] [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] [CHATTERING] Hello, Roger. How's the game? Fine, Terence. Haven't seen the Medusa, have you? If you mean Etta, she's probably somewhere, staying out of your way. Really, my dear? I don't think you want to talk to me that way. I don't think she wants to talk to you at all. That's not very kind of you, Roger. Or very wise, considering what we both know about... You struck me. Oh, you're lucky you're such a twerp. Otherwise, I'd flatten that nose of yours so you couldn't poke it in where it doesn't belong. He actually slapped me, Joseph. You saw. A simple misunderstanding, sir, I'm certain, nothing more. - There will be more. A lot more. - Not this evening, sir. - Well, I have to see Etta. - That won't be this evening either, sir. Well, why not? Where is she? Mr. Aubury, sir, you are in no condition to speak with anyone of position at the moment. - Least of all, Etta Randolph. - Hmm. All right, all right, Joseph, you're a good man. You know, that relic from the Barbary Coast doesn't know what she has in you. - My car. - I think not. I have a taxicab waiting for you, Mr. Aubury. It looked as though you might be needing one. Oh, that's very good of you. I'll have your car delivered in the morning, sir. Taxi. 1212 Adams, please. Oh, no, no, no. What time is it? - Precisely 13 minutes to 12, sir. - Precisely? Well, that's precisely too early for me. You take me to the Crown Room. You tell Etta to call me tomorrow at noon. Precisely. Yes, sir. Thank you. Drive on. [HUMMING] You. What do you think you're doing here? You have no right to be here. - Hi. - Morning, lieutenant. - Yeah. - Who is he? Name's Terence Aubury, publisher. Terence Aubury. - You know who found him? - Inside, guy named Osborne. He shares the apartment. Any idea when it happened? Neighbour thinks he heard a shot about 2:30. He said he thought it came from the outside, a backfire or something. The place is really torn apart inside. Looks like a burglary. You've got it all figured. So why did you roust us out of bed? KELLER: Mike, I think a small calibre. Thirty-two, maybe. I'll check it. STONE: Somebody was expecting him as soon as he opened the door. Mr. Osborne. Lieutenant Stone, Homicide. You found the body? Yes. Wanna tell me about it? Well, I was, uh, out of town this evening on business. And when I came back... What time was that? Oh, about 3 or 3:15. Anybody else have a key besides you and Mr. Aubury? Oh, no. No one that I know of, no. - No one at all, huh? - No. Thought I recognised his name. This is Aubury's mag. Favored Few. Read this, you'll know all there is to know - about San Francisco's bluest bloods. - Ha-ha. Or dirty laundry. Editorial office is on Kearny. Maybe we ought to have it secured. What do you think? Scandal sheet? Aubury comes in, finds an intruder? What do you make of this? "Etta's at 10:00." So who's Etta? Hmm. Well, there's only one Etta I know in San Francisco. Etta Morris Randolph. She was maybe, oh, 16 when old John J. Randolph found her in a chorus line. One of those old places on the Barbary Coast. Ha. He was in his 60s. And he died happy. Yeah, well, I should hope so. And she inherited a bundle. A lot of money, that's right. How come you know so much about her? I read the papers. So do I. Yeah, well, she's never been too big in the sports page. STONE: Hello. - Hello. Can I help you? Yes. Um... Are you Mrs. Randolph? No. I'm Miss Randolph. Oh, I beg your pardon. That's all right. It happens all the time. [CHUCKLING] If you want to see Granny, you'll have to see Joseph. And who is Joseph? He is Granny's major-domo. Joseph. Joseph. Yes, Miss Julia? They want to see Granny. Oh, I'm afraid that's not possible. Police? This way, gentlemen. If you'll wait right here, I'll announce you. STONE: Thank you. KELLER: Not bad. If you like this sort of thing. Hi, Mommy. My mother's not feeling well. I'm sorry to hear that. Granny doesn't usually have visitors before noon. If she yells, just don't pay any attention. We won't. [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING] The madam will see you now. [WHISPERS] Thanks for the tip. Come in, boys. Joseph, you lied to me. They're beautiful. I love policemen. [CHUCKLES] What's your problem? This is Lieutenant Stone, madam. - Lieutenant. - And... I'm Inspector Keller. Well, things are looking up at city hall. Thank you, Joseph. Oh, just a second. Uh... - You were at the party last night? - Yes, sir. Then I think you'd better stay. I assure you, it was a very orderly bash. I'm sure it was. But, uh, what happened to one of your guests afterwards wasn't. Oh? We understand a Mr. Terence Aubury was invited. Ha. Not hardly. I wouldn't invite that little worm to my funeral. But he was here. Insufferably. He suffered a little himself last night. He's in the morgue this morning. Terence is dead? Mm-hm. That's right. Joseph, lace my tomato juice. [LAUGHING] That sort of news calls for a celebration. KELLER: Well, it sounds like the two of you were not very close. That's no secret. But I didn't kill the little weasel. Nobody said he was killed. Of course somebody killed him, and long overdue too. Well, then, maybe you can give us a name. I can give you a whole list. Joseph, where's my copy of the social register? Just like that, huh? You'd better believe it, baby. Terence Aubury was the bottom of the barrel. Oh. No. That dreary little cipher made his living off other people's miseries. Blackmail? That's how he kept that yellow rag of his alive. He'd find something unprintable about somebody and then offer not to print it if they'd buy a couple of hundred subscriptions. Did he ever try to blackmail you? He tried. He threatened to reveal my lurid past. [LAUGHING] Sure, I was a chorus girl, and no better than I should have been either. But what he didn't know is I was proud of my past. Still am. So I sent him a magnum of champagne. I told him to go ahead and print it. He never forgave me. But he never messed with me again either. So you don't know who did it. No clues, no leads, no grubby little fingerprints? No nothing. By any chance, uh, do you know what time he left your party? I haven't the foggiest notion. Mr. Aubury left at approximately a quarter of 12, madam. I called a taxi for him. Is that when the party ended? Ha. I'd be in lots better shape this morning if it had. What time did we close the place down, Joseph? The last guest left about 3:00, madam. Terence Aubury left at a quarter to 12? Are you sure he left all that free liquor so early? He had overindulged, madam. As usual. I thought it best. You asked him to leave? Well... What, did something happen? It was nothing, really. Why don't you tell us anyhow? He had a slight altercation with Mr. Maxwell. - With Roger? - Yes, madam. They had words. Mr. Maxwell slapped him. That was all. Ha-ha-ha. Good for him. I didn't think old Roger had it in him. Is, uh, that the Mr. Maxwell who's...? Head of the Merchant Bank. And a real softie. He wouldn't kill a fly. Someone apparently did. Do you happen to have the guest list from last night? Joseph will give it to you. Anything else, boys? Oh, we'll keep in touch if there is. Anytime. Like I said, I love policemen. Here are the lists, lieutenant. Two hundred and twenty of the very best people. Joseph, how many of these people would you say bought subscriptions the hard way? - I'd say about half, sir. - Whew. He was busy, wasn't he? Well, even the very best people have their little secrets. Yeah, well, maybe this time, he came up with something that wasn't so little. [WHIRRING] STONE: You check out Aubury's last stand? Randolph said he went directly to the Crown Room. Seven or eight drinks later, he caught a cab, went directly home, arriving at 2:30. No trouble en route. What about the car? Parking attendant delivered it this morning. Keys were in it all night. Which means anybody could have borrowed it, driven it to Aubury's, killed him, then came back. Which means we still got 220 suspects. Two hundred and nineteen. I checked out Aubury's roommate. Osborne. He was in Sacramento like he said. What about Maxwell, the slapper? Well, I was just gonna go to see him. Do you know that he sits on the boards of five companies? Yeah, take a look. Here it is, five companies. Steve, why don't you go to Terence Aubury's editorial office and see what you can find? - Any special names? - Yeah. Somebody who can afford to pay $50,000 in a cleaning bill. - You got his bank account? - Mm-hm. Here. Five months, five deposits. Each one $10,000 in cash. Over and above the normal deposit. Maybe 50 grand would be worth killing for. What do you say? Mm-hm. Five monthly withdrawals of $5,000 each. He's a big spender or he's got a partner. What do you think? Double-cross? I'm beginning to think there are more reasons to kill Aubury than we have suspects. Oh, listen, I put a lock on that door. Here's the key. - There. - Okay, I'll see you. Yeah. [WHISTLING] [HORN HONKING] Oh! Ha-ha. Oh, it's your set. - Mr. Maxwell? - Yes. - Lieutenant Stone? - That's right. My wife, Louise. Louise, Lieutenant Stone. - Hello. - He works for the police department. I assume this has to do with Terence Aubury. Yes, it does. And I understand that last night the two of you had something going on there. Well, I slapped him in the face, if that's what you mean. I should have decked him. Now, if that little scum wants to press charges-- No, no, no, he won't be doing that. He's dead. Dead? Someone shot him last night. Oh, my God. Killed him? But why? Well, I was hoping you could tell me. Why did you slap him? Well, according to your book, lieutenant, he was drunk and disorderly. According to mine, he was completely out of line. Did he try to sell you a block of subscriptions? Now, look, Stone. I don't intend to answer any more questions. You can speak to my attorneys if you like. LOUISE: Roger. I think, under the circumstances, we owe the lieutenant the truth. - I was buying the subscriptions. - Oh, Louise. It was our one and only separate vacation. Two years ago. A beach boy in Barbados. It seemed a small price to pay to keep a cheap moment private. So why the slap? Well, I told you, he'd been coming on real strong. He asked us if we'd seen Mrs. Randolph, and we told him no, we hadn't seen her all evening. Then he grabbed my arm, I slapped him. It's as simple as that. You hadn't seen Mrs. Randolph? No. She was upstairs, I suppose. Poor Joanna wasn't feeling well. - Poor Joanna? - That's her daughter. She hasn't been right since her marriage. A bad one. She married her chauffeur. Marriages like that are complete disasters. It's better to go to Barbados, especially if you're involved with somebody like Reed. - Reed? - John Reed. Her husband. If Joanna is sick, it's only because of him. What do you mean, sick? Well, I don't mean to gossip. Well, there has been talk of drugs, but nobody seems to know the whole story. Except Joanna. And her mother. And maybe Terence Aubury. Lieutenant, my husband didn't kill Terence, and neither did Joanna. And as for Etta, well, she might call him out and horsewhip him, but she wouldn't waste a good bullet. Okay. Okay, thank you very much. I'm sorry I interrupted your game. - Goodbye. - No problem. Inspectors 81 to Headquarters. MAN: Inspectors 81. Ten-four. Any messages? Inspectors 81, we've been advised Inspector Keller has been injured and is at Central Emergency. - Will you respond? - Ten-four, I'm on my way. DOCTOR: Okay, to your right. Okay, you can get up now. [GRUNTS] - Is he all right, doc? - Yeah, a few cuts and a bruised ego. If I were you, I'd take it easy for a day or so. Well, I think you should tell that to the lieutenant. I learned one thing in the Army. I never tell anything to lieutenants. - I'm telling you. - Okay. - See you later. - All right, thanks a lot, doc. He's right, you don't look too good. Come on, I'll drive you home. - Give me that. - Thank you. - Oh, man. - Here. - You're okay? - Yeah, I'm fine. - You sure? - I'm sure. Okay. Easy, easy. - Nothing bothers you? - No, nothing. - Okay, now tell me what happened. - Ha-ha. - You wanna hear it step by step? - Step by step. Okay, I go up to Aubury's office. I find the lock on the door has been broken. So I bop on in, and what do I find? A fire in the wastebasket. I go to put it out, somebody hits me over the head. By the time I get it together, the guy's halfway down to his car. - Did you get a good look at him? - Yeah, a good shot of his tailpipes. - Good driver? - Professional. Like a chauffeur, maybe. - You got somebody in mind? - Yeah. Come on, let's check out Aubury's files. I got a hunch. Come on, let's go. Look under the R's. For Randolph? For Reed. Huh. It's the only one that's not there. Bingo. John Reed. Recognise him? - Could be. - "John Vincent Reed." He's married to, or was, to Mrs. Randolph's daughter. Before that, he was her chauffeur, and before that, a professional stock-car racer. Huh. Aubury kept a complete file. How about this? "Convicted: possession of narcotics, Phoenix, 1961. Arrested: same offence, Seattle, '64 and '65. And one for suspicion of sale and distribution, '68. No conviction." Sounds like a real junkie. Well, that fits too. Here's the Randolph file. It's been cleaned out, but there's a few notes. One of a little girl. "Julia Reed, born 4-13-66. Saint Mary's Hospital." Heroin addiction. Mother was addicted while she was carrying. - Yep. - Mm. - Anything else? - Something about legal papers. "Draw legal complaint, hold for file." Call Narco, see if they can come up with Reed's address. And then, um, find out who did Aubury's legal work. And I'm gonna take Mrs. Etta Morris Randolph. I could shoot the eyebrows out of a gnat when I was 15. And I still can. I believe you. Look, lieutenant, I was sweet and charming with you this morning. But then, you were in my parlour. Now you're in my trophy room. So, what do you want? I wanna talk to your daughter. - Sorry, she's ill. - I know that. And I know how ill she's been. - You have been busy, haven't you? - Mm-hm. Pretty busy. For instance, I know that five months ago, you cashed in $50,000 worth of securities. And every month since then, you've been withdrawing $10,000 in cash. May I ask why? I needed pocket money. Oh, that's an awful lot of pocket money. Depends on the kind of pants you're wearing. Yeah, I guess you've got something there. Aubury's been blackmailing you, hasn't he? You've been paying him off to keep your daughter's addiction out of his dirty mail. You know, I keep trying to like you, lieutenant. But you're making it very difficult. Well, then, maybe I'd better go to your daughter and talk to her. No. Mrs. Randolph, I'm investigating a murder. I heard that this morning. I hadn't heard you suspected my daughter. I could go for a subpoena. I see. All right. Last night, while some nice civic-minded citizen was killing Terence Aubury, my daughter was under a doctor's care. His name is Anthony Carson, if you'd care to verify it. I may do that. And where were you last night? You know, I could have you fired for even asking that question. That still doesn't answer it. No. And I don't intend to. Joseph. Stay out of my affairs, lieutenant, or I might just have your badge. Is that understood? Yes, ma'am. Now you understand me. I don't work for you. I work for all the people in the city of San Francisco. And right now, my job is to find out who killed Terence Aubury. If you don't wanna help me, that's fine. But don't fight me. Because there's no way you win. ETTA: Lieutenant. I was gonna have Joseph show you, but I think you know where you can go. Uh, excuse me. - I'm looking for Joe Reed. - He's not here. - Do you know when he'll be back? - Who knows? But he works here, doesn't he? Yeah, when he's not stoned. You know where I can find him? Wherever he can get a fix. The guy was looking bad when he left. Thank you for all the help. Hey, nothing against you. But the guy tried to turn my sister on, you know? I don't have much to do with him. Okay, if he comes on by, give me a call, will you? Sure. Is she still on drugs? No. So, what happened last night? Lieutenant, one answer does not necessarily lead to another. You know I'm not at liberty to discuss my patients. I know. I know that. She's such a lovely girl too. But I've got a murder to solve. If I have to pull her in to give her to the DA, I'm gonna do that. Now, can she take the pressure? No, she's not that stable. Lieutenant, she is not involved. I put her under sedation last night at 8:00. She would have been sound asleep by midnight. Did you bandage her wrist? I happened to see her this morning. Her left arm was bandaged. Doc. I can smell suicide. All right, lieutenant. Then you also know how emotionally weak she still is. And how she could be harmed with any more pressure. What I don't know is what set her off last night. And what I'm thinking might involve murder. Joanna. Mother, I have to talk to John. You are not going anywhere. And certainly not anywhere near John Reed. Don't you understand? He wants Julia. He wants to take her away from me. No, he doesn't. He wants money. - Now, come on, give me your coat. - No. I have to see him. If he files the papers-- But he won't. That was all Terence's idea. Darling, believe me. They cannot hurt you anymore. It's all over. What do you mean? That's not important right now. What's important is for you to get well. I want you to come upstairs and lie down. Doctor said-- You bought them off. You paid them what they wanted. Oh... Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so ashamed about everything. I was afraid you weren't going to do it. Honey, some people you never pay off. Especially people like Terence Aubury. A leech like that, once he gets hold of you, he never lets go. You didn't pay them? No. And you won't have to either. Mother, I can't fight like you. Not in court. Yes, you can. In court, in the street. In the gutter, if you have to. Did you call the police? Is that why they were here? Terence Aubury was killed last night. The police thought I might know something about it. Killed? Yes. So you see, you won't have to worry anymore. How did he die? He deserved to die. Let's leave it at that. - Madam. - Yes, Joseph, what is it? Mr. Reed, madam, in the music room. [PIANO PLAYING] Get out of my house. Hey, hey, take it easy, will you? I just came by to see my little girl. Where is she? At school, where she belongs. Why don't you go back to wherever you belong? Hey, wait a minute, she's my daughter, you know. I got a right to visit her. You sold all your rights. No, no, no, I don't think so. As a matter of fact, I wanted to talk to you about that because-- [LAUGHING] Hello, Joe. [IN RASPY VOICE] Goodbye, Joe. Goodbye. - John. - Let me handle this, Joanna. [IN NORMAL VOICE] Hey, now, just wait a minute, okay? Before you blast off, okay? Now, I know what you're thinking. But I had nothing to do with these papers and that is gospel. You're a bloody liar. Okay, look. Okay. I sold Aubury some bad news and we split the action. But, I mean, hey, look, I got a need, you know. I mean, hey, Jo, you know how it is. I mean... Look, as far as I'm concerned, there's nothing wrong with the old deal. I'll still keep quiet, I promise I will. The old deal is dead, and so will you be if you ever try to squeeze another penny out of us. I mean it, Reed. Now, get out. Hey, baby. Hey, look, look. Hey, baby, I owe the man, baby. I mean, I can't talk to her, you can, and... Hey, look, baby, I owe the man, you know. I need help. I need help. You always will, Johnny. Do you want me to use these, huh? Is that what you want? You want me to use these? You do what you have to do. And so will I. I'm gonna use these. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna use them. May I help you? Well, I sure hope so. I understand your firm handles the legal work for a Mr. Terence Aubury, a publisher. Ah, yes, The Favored Few. That would be Mr. Osborne. - Osborne. - Yes, Edmund Osborne. He's handled Mr. Aubury's affairs for years. Well, could I talk to him, please? Well, he didn't come in today. He said he wasn't feeling well. - Perhaps I could find-- - No, that's okay, it's all right. Thank you very much. Get an ambulance! Ha-ha. Yeah, that's right, baby. She's with me. She's, uh... She's having a great time too. - Johnny. - He's lying. Give me the phone. Joseph, where's Julia? Reed went to the school. He told them that Julia was staying with him this weekend. - Oh, no. - Reed. Ah. Hello, Mama. I thought you weren't talking to me anymore. You bring her back here at once. No, no, no. I don't come crawling to you anymore. You come to me. And this time, you bring a whole different attitude about what I am worth. Or maybe next time my daughter and me have a little visit, she learns a lot more about what her old man does. And she learns firsthand. You dig? I'll kill you, Reed. Hey, there's no need for that kind of talk. Tsk, tsk, tsk, Mama. Oh, look, you know how easy I am to buy, right? So why don't you just bring some money along instead and write me off for good? Say maybe, uh, ha-ha-ha, $100,000? By 5:00. Joanna knows where. Otherwise, I'm sure I'm gonna be seeing a lot more of my little girl than I have been lately. Mother, what is it? What is it? Just a moment. I think we'd better have a talk inside. You too. Not now, please. You don't understand. ETTA: Lieutenant Stone. I would advise you to stay out of our affairs. I told you before-- We're gonna talk right now, either here or downtown. - Madam, I think it best-- - Joseph, be quiet. Mother, we've got less than an hour. I'll give you five minutes. It will take longer than five minutes, Mrs. Randolph. I want you to tell me everything you know about John Reed. Mother, tell him. He's got Julia. He wants $100,000. We have to go pick it up now and get it to him by 5:00. What, he kidnapped her? No, he is her father. She wanted to go with him. She'll wanna go with him again and we can't stop her. So you were gonna give him the money? ETTA: We have no choice. He's an addict, and he always will be. I don't want him around my granddaughter. Not after what he did to Joanna. I don't want the same thing to happen to her. - Where were you gonna meet him? - A park, near where we used to live. McLaren Park. Police. Hold it! [GRUNTING] Look, I had a deal with Aubury, right? It was sweet too. Till his roommate got into it. - Who's that, Osborne? - Yeah. He's the one who drew up those papers - and put my name on it. - Mm-hm. Hmm. "Demanding custody of Julia on the grounds her natural mother, a heroin addict, was unfit." Yeah, I had nothing to do with those papers. I didn't know nothing about them until I found them in Aubury's office. Yeah, what were you doing there? Oh, come on, I mean, when I read Aubury's name in the papers, I figured I better get my name out of his files. I mean... Listen, I just wanted out of the whole scam, you know. So they cut you out for $100,000, huh? That's right. Tell me something. How did they know they could collect without you? Oh, come on, that old dame. I mean, she's crazy about my kid. She'd do anything. You wanna know who killed Aubury, why don't you find out where she was last night, huh? His alibi checks. Woman's name, address. He was stoned out of his skull all night. Even the neighbours complained. Oh, you see that? I'm innocent. I am innocent. Innocent. - You are innocent, huh? - Yeah. Do you know what, my friend? I'm gonna nail you for everything and anything you ever did. Art, come in here. Take him downstairs. Hey, I didn't do nothing. You're innocent. You're innocent, I know that. KELLER: You ready for some more bad news? Yeah, what's that? Coroner's report verifies that Aubury was killed with a.32-calibre automatic. Now, I checked with Gun Registration, and Mrs. Randolph, she owns a.32 calibre. And she could shoot the eyes out of a gnat when she was 15. - Huh? - Nothing. Nothing. I just can't see her killing anybody. Well, Aubury's accounted for. He's dead. Osborne was in Sacramento. Joanna was sedated and Reed was stoned. I know. I know. And that leaves Etta Morris Randolph. That will be all, Joseph. STONE: I'd like him to stay. I'm too tired to argue, lieutenant. And anyway, I've learned it doesn't pay. I suppose Reed told you everything. Yes, he did. So how can I help? - Mrs. Randolph, do you own a gun? - Yes. May we see it, please? I haven't the slightest idea where it is. We have a search warrant, Mrs. Randolph. Then search. And we also have a warrant for your arrest. For the murder of Terence Aubury. Lieutenant, you're making a very big mistake. Sorry, but I don't think so. You love your granddaughter very much, don't you? Of course I do. You just heard that Terence Aubury was going to take her away from you. JOANNA: No. Not from her. From me. Because of my addiction. Lieutenant, my mother couldn't have killed anyone. I know that because she was with me. Because I tried to commit suicide. Thank you, Joanna, but they know that. I don't think you could've known where your mother was at 2:30 this morning. Because a doctor had put you to sleep. Will you show us the gun now? No. - Why not? - I destroyed it. STONE: Mrs. Randolph. I suggest you call your attorney. Why? I killed Terence, and I'm proud of it. No, Morrie. Shut up, Joe. Just shut up. No. She didn't kill him, lieutenant. I did. I just couldn't stand by to watch you take your own life because of that parasite Aubury. I knew your mother wouldn't pay him, and she was right. But he had to be silenced, so... So I shot him. Joe. Oh, Joe. After all these years, why did you have to pick a time like this to start talking too much? You know the answer to that, Morrie. Mr. Francis, you do know you have the right to remain silent. Thank you, inspector, I know all that. Thank you very much. How, Joseph? Did you use his car? Lieutenant, people like me are hyper-visible. We're always there. So much so that even when we're not, people think we are. I knew he wasn't going straight home. So I knew I'd have plenty of time to greet him when he arrived. Did you mean to kill him? I don't know that, really. Perhaps I just meant scare him. I only know that when he walked through that door and started to talk, I hated him so much, I just-- That's something the district attorney will have to prove in court. And he's gonna have a devil of a time doing it. They're not gonna take you away from me. Not ever. They might, Morrie, they might. But at least Julia's safe now. I just wanted to keep it all out of the papers. I failed you, Morrie. I'm sorry. Joe, in all these years you have never failed me in anything. Morrie. Look, I've... I think we should go. I'm not one for scenes. I'm sorry. For 30 years, the darned fool has refused to marry me. He said it wouldn't look right. If you don't think I'm gonna put up one whale of a fight for the man I love, you've got another think coming. You know what I think? I think you're quite a woman. - Steve. - Yeah? Someone left these at the front desk for you and Mike. What? Okay. Thanks a lot, Bill. - Good night. - Good night. - Hey. STONE: What do you got? I don't know. Here. "Compliments of Etta Morris Randolph." - Wristwatch. - Must have gotten one too. It's got an inscription on it. Oh, man. Look at this. Whew. - You seen my glasses anywhere? - No. I can't make it out. Will you read it for me? Yeah. "To Lieutenant Michael Stone. In appreciation of 23 years of faithful service." Ha. Here, give me that. Let me see that. "To Inspector Steven Keller. In appreciation of three years of faithful service." You know what one of these jobbies costs? Yeah, I know what they cost. And they're going back. Why? This isn't a bribe. No, it's not a bribe. It's a message. What? A message. You've never seen a guy receive a gold watch, have you? In appreciation for his faithful service? - What, for retirement? - That's right, retirement. I'm not retiring. Yeah, I know that. But I think Mrs. Etta Morris Randolph is trying to tell us something. Good afternoon, sir. Good afternoon. Could I have a room for the night, please? - Single? - Yes, please, with bath, if possible. Okay, that'll be fine. If you'd just like to fill in this form... name and address. Thank you. Gentleman's an old client. We haven't seen you down here for years. Years have gone by since then. - Do you remember me? - I'm sorry, no. I'm positive I have seen you here before. I'm afraid you're mistaken. I'm sorry. I must have confused you with someone else. - I'll show you to your room. - Thank you. - Do you have some luggage? - No, none. It's getting dark already. Take a look at the map, will you, see where we are. Did you see that woman? There were two. I only saw one. Yeah, there was another one. She was hiding behind the trees. Really? Sure, she was hiding. Perhaps you're seeing things. No. I'm sure. Well, if they are hitchhikers someone's bound to give them a lift. Could you give me a lift? It's not very far. Sure. Hop in. Thanks very much. Well, we've certainly covered a good distance in the last few days. Yes, we have. What's the matter? Me? Nothing. You look worried. Have you noticed that house over there? Yeah. Looks abandoned. This place frightens me. It's not the first time we've camped in the woods. Perhaps. You'll be more cheerful after a night's sleep. I think I'll go down to the lake tomorrow, see if there's any fish. Why should one of them be hiding behind a tree? What? Why should one of them be hiding behind a tree? I didn't see anyone hiding. Well, I did. One woman stood on the edge of the road. The other one was hiding in the woods, watching for something. Perhaps just waiting. Perhaps she was waiting whilst her friend stopped the car. There's somebody in that house. I just saw a light move in one of the windows. - John! John! - What on earth's the matter? - There's somebody outside! - What? What do you mean? I saw a big hand right there on the window. At this time of night and in this weather nobody's gonna be outside. - You must have been dreaming. - No. First of all, I heard a scream. It woke me up. Then when I was awake I suddenly saw this horrible hand outside. Oh, come on, darling. Let's go back to sleep. Sleep? You don't honestly think I can get any sleep now, do you? There's no one out there, Harriet darling, so relax. You've got to convince yourself that you were dreaming. You're late! It was the chiming of the church clock that woke me. Then I saw them pass by... the same two women that were close to the road yesterday. - A coincidence. - Yes, but it was them. They were walking quickly, one behind the other. Well, perhaps they live somewhere close by. Even so, what on earth were they doing at that hour of the morning? They didn't look normal. No? Well, what did they look like then? Can't explain exactly, but they gave me a very strange feeling. Since we arrived at this spot everything's seemed strange to you. You see hands and ghosts just about everywhere. You're not the usual kind of hitchhiker. - What's your name? - Fran. Fran? Like Frances? No, just Fran. My name's Ted. What are you doing on the road at this time of evening? I decided to take a stroll and then realized it was getting late. I don't live far from here. You remind me very much of someone I knew a long time ago. Yes, very much indeed. Slow down. We're almost there. It's the next on the left. Are you sure that this track is meant for cars? It's a short cut. It's not often used. - Are you English? - What makes you ask? You don't look English. Hmm. Well, what are you then? - If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. - Try me. Hey, John, look. Hmm? - It's one of those women with a man. - Oh, again? That's his car, if you need convincing. I don't need convincing. I just don't see anything peculiar about it, that's all. Ah. Does this kind of thing excite you? Sometimes. Why? Now, don't be too impatient. Come. I get the impression that you're not too keen on this kind of expedition. Don't worry. Now listen here. I find you very attractive, but this stroll is becoming rather boring. What the hell is this all about? You can't tell me that you use this place for your dates. Certainly not. But where we're going is quite different from all this, and it's too late to go back now. Well, I mean it would be a shame to retrace our steps after having arrived so far. And we are nearly there. This is my place. Do you like it? Well, it's better than the rest of the house. Can't believe it. - Does it all belong to you? - I'm only a guest. What other surprises have you got for me? We'll see. Now, be a darling and light the fire while I get us something to drink. Make yourself comfortable. Relax. The worst's over. - I was asking myself... - Asking? Well, I don't pretend that you should divulge all your secrets, but... Go on. Ask. Is there a limit to the questions? There's a limit to the answers. Do you, uh, live here alone? I often receive guests. What do you do for a living? I'm searching all the time. Searching for interesting people. It's difficult to find really interesting people. I know, but I keep searching. I know how to fend for myself. I feel happier here than anywhere else. These walls have become my friends, my confidantes. You're not easy to understand. That's the way I have to be accepted, with no questions and no explanations. This is my lucky day. Don't ever say that. Never mind. I don't mind unusual situations. They come on their own. Like our meeting on the road today. Are you sure we're alone? What makes you ask? I get the strong feeling we're not. Hey! Who's there? Fran? Fran! Where the bloody hell do people go here in the mornings? Excuse me for intruding, but I've hurt myself. - Yeah, of course. Come on in. - Thank you. - Uh, sit down. - Thanks. It's nothing serious. Just one moment. It's only a little cut, but it hurts a bit. That's quite a deep cut. Did it on a piece of glass. Well, I must have had a few too many last night... and fallen over a broken glass. Yeah, that's pretty swollen. First, I'll disinfect it. Sorry. - It's all right. Carry on. - Yeah, it might hurt, but it helps. - Thanks for your help. - Why, don't mention it. With my arm in this state I couldn't have driven very far. - You know, you ought to rest for a while. - Well, I feel fine now. You sure? How about stay with us and have a cup of coffee? Oh, no. No, thanks. She's right, you know. Hot cup of coffee'll do you good. Well, that's very kind of you. Thank you very much. Have you got the correct time, please? Um, 10:15. It's ridiculous, but my watch stopped. It's never done it before. Well, I'd best be on my way. - Many thanks for the coffee and your help. - That's okay. Does anyone live in that house? That's a question I asked myself earlier, and I still haven't found an answer. - Good-bye. - Bye-bye. Bye. Hey. The urge was too strong. You had to ask him... or you would have exploded. - But he didn't answer my question, did he? - No. Look. He's going back to the house. Yeah. Yeah, I can see. He's going back to the house. I'm sorry about this morning. I had to get up at the crack of dawn, and I couldn't get back any earlier. I had so much to do. Will you forgive me? Oh, not to worry. You're here now. Oh, I almost forgot. I'm not alone. I'm with friends. I'm sure you'll like them. That's Miriam and her friend. Oh, it's freezing in here. Well, I'll have this alight in a jiffy. - Do you like that? - Mmm. - Look, may I make a phone call? - Afraid not. Hmm? There's no telephone in the house. Oh, it doesn't matter. It's just that I'd arranged to meet some friends of mine. I would liked to have let them know I was going to be a bit late. - Oh, I feel so guilty. - It's okay. Can I give you a hand, darling? No, thanks. It's okay. I'm afraid it's all we've got to offer. Red wine. But a very good vintage. Oh. Thanks. - Good health. - Do you like it? Everyone seems to like it. The cellars here are stacked high with the stuff. - Some of it must be years old. - Really? - Have a drop more. - Mmm, thanks. Miriam, darling, I'm afraid you'll have to go down to the cellar to fetch some more. I'm sure Rupert will be able to help you in the choice of an excellent vintage. - Mmm. Vith pleasure. - Let's go then. I waited for you all day until I fell asleep in the car. Forgive me about this morning. I thought I'd be back earlier. This girl... your friend. - Miriam? - Yes. Was she here last night? No. I told you, we were alone. Just you and I. But... Does she live here with you? More or less. She's my girlfriend. We have a lot in common, get on very well together. But it's crazy to live in an old place like this. No telephone, the place almost in ruins. These walls could fall in on you any moment. Who is this chap Rupert? A very nice man. How long have you known him? Since this afternoon. He gave us a lift here. May have chosen a bad spot for camping. I don't see why. It's attractive and quiet and nobody's bothered us. That's not the point. How often do you read of horrible things happening in just such a situation? Quiet, isolated corner, couple like us... Oh, darling, please. Don't start all that again. First, there were those two women. Then that man with the cut on his arm. Well, now you're exaggerating. Poor man came in search of help, which is perfectly natural. You cut yourself and the first thing you do is look for help. Logical, no? Well, when I asked him if anyone lived in the house or not, he avoided a proper reply. Well, not exactly. He implied in a very friendly manner... that you shouldn't stick your nose into other people's affairs. I find that perfectly reasonable. That's not the point. He said he didn't know if the place was inhabited or not, and then he spends his nights there. Now, why? Oh, for goodness' sake! Because he probably has a wonderful time with that woman. Or the two women, the ones you're so concerned about. Perhaps they live in the house. Perhaps he lives there himself. Well, somebody does. How should I know? Oh, Harriet! No normal person would live in a place like that. - No? - No. You arouse me more than any woman I've met for a long time. Thanks for the compliment. No, no, I'm dead serious, Fran. You intrigue me and you worry me... because I don't understand you. Don't try to. You're playing a dangerous game. Kill him before it's too late. Kill him. Kill him! I always knew we'd find each other. By this sign, I'll recognize you. Hey! Open up! who's there? Fran? Open the door for me! Fran! Is anybody there? Is that you, Fran? Yes. What's happened? The wind blew the door shut, and the handle has fallen out. What on earth made you come down here? I was looking for you. Are you all right? I've been locked down here the whole bloody day. Do you know that your friend Rupert, who was here last night, is dead? - Dead? - Yeah. I saw his car on the main road this morning. He didn't look too fit as he left last night. I told him to drive carefully. He'd had too much to drink. That's terrible. Poor Rupert. Yeah. And now I'd like to get out of this damn cellar just as soon as possible. Come on. I'll take you upstairs. - Yeah. - Let's go. And what's more, there's a few things I'd like you to explain to me. Fran. Fran. It's day. It's day. Come on. Let's go. Have you gone quite mad? Oh, thank God it's you. - What are you doing here? - I might ask you the same. What the bloody hell do you think you're doing in this house when it doesn't belong to you? I've seen them down there. They spend their days asleep in the cellar. Let's get out immediately. It's the truth, John. I tell you. Those two women are down there like living dead. When you didn't return and time was getting on, I imagined you'd be sticking your nose in somewhere or other that you shouldn't be. You're impossible. He... He... Can you give us a lift? - It's not far. - Why, yes, of course. Thanks. Fran! Fran! Who's there? Outside. I hear voices. Met him. Picked him up. On the roadside, no doubt. Just like Rupert. Just like me. Who are you? Where the hell do you come from? I must get away from here. I must get away from here! Would you like a drink? - Yes, very much indeed. - Good. Just a second. - Thank you. - You're welcome. Say when. - That's plenty. - Thank you. Fran! Oh, that's Fran's boyfriend. This always happens when he drinks too much. Oh. Really. Poor chap. Better luck next time. Yes. Cheers. Cheers. Mmm. This is excellent. It's one of the best wines I've ever tasted. Good. Have some more. Thank you. It's a vintage of our own. My friend and I are rather proud of it. And yet I could tell you everything you wanted to know about this wine. Oh, yes? I don't believe you. My dear young lady, you are sitting in front of a true connoisseur. Now, wait and... First, I'll tell you the country of origin. Shouldn't be too difficult to judge. You'll never guess. I'll bet you anything you like. Don't be too sure. I'm an expert. And I've recognized some very obscure wines in my time. Well, let's see how you manage this time. All right. Fine. Just a moment. Mmm. It's a claret. - Yes, but that's obvious. - No, no. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's, uh... Comes from a small vineyard. Mmm. Mmm. - Well matured. - Go on. Mmm. - Very well matured. - Indeed. Positive and yet... No, no, no. It's too light. It's definitely not a St-Emilion or a Gravet. It's, uh... Mmm! It's a Medoc. And therefore, it must be a Margaux. - No? Uh. - No. Pauillac. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's too, uh... Too highly scented, too feminine to be a Pauillac. It's... It's... I've tasted this wine in the Saint Julien region. Yes. It's a Saint Julien. Sorry to disappoint you, but you're wrong. This wine comes from a remote part of the Carpathian Mountains. The Carpathians? Yes. That's right. Lucky you didn't have a bet on it. Well, anyway, it's excellent. What a pity your friend isn't here to appreciate it. - Cheers. - Cheers. Well, you've certainly got a good stock. Now, that's a beautiful wine. Oh, I have a much better one than that to show you. - What, really? Better than this? - Yes. Much better. Well, that's fantastic. You know, this wine is nearly 15 years old. That really is the sort of wine I appreciate. When I tell the chaps about this, they just won't believe it. An isolated house in the woods, at the witching hour of midnight, in a cellar full of this marvelous wine, and above all else, in the company of two very charming ladies. - It's almost too good to be true. - Nothing's too good to be true. The only trouble is, life's too short. Oh, whoop! And for you. Well, that's strange. what? My watch has stopped. Look. - Huh. - That's never happened before. Oh! No! Stop! Help! Help! He looks in pretty poor shape, John. - What should we do? - Uh, here. Yes. I think we ought to get him to a hospital. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. We'll... I'll start the car, you stop here and look after him. John! John! No! Get off of me! No! No! No! No! No! No, get off! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! But we can't let him get away alive. We must go now. We must go now, Fran! Hey there! Hey! Listen! This is private property, and you shouldn't be parked here. Didn't you read the notice on the road back there? Eh? what? Now, come on. wake up! Be thankful I don't run you in. Drinking and trespass. And next time, go and drink your wine somewhere else. - It's always the same old story. - No, wait a minute. Let me explain. I'm not interested in your explanations. Now, the best thing you can do is to move off. I've work to do, and your presence here is not an answer. The price being asked for the house is cheap, for the amount of land it stands on. Is there any truth in the legend they tell about this old house? Well, it seems that some years ago... the bodies of two young, unidentified women were found. A sad story that hasn't helped selling the house. You know how superstitious people are. The murderer always returns to the scene of his crime... while the ghosts of these two poor women haunt the building. It's ridiculous. One can't believe in such things nowadays, can one? Look. my wife and I would be thrilled at the idea of having a ghost in the place. Just imagine informal weekends here. Oh, darling, isn't that fascinating? We just can't miss this opportunity. A million biggies. Let's go. [Sighs] Ramsey, what is it? Shh! - Gimme that bag! - Kevin! Lower me! Lower me! - Lower me, Kevin! - Gimme that bag! - Come down here! Come on, you! - Come on, Kevin! - Kevin! - Hang on! Come down h... [Screams] [Screams] [Siren Blaring] [Siren Stops] [Man On Police Radio] Hey, Douglas. Regardless of the interest Safe and Loft has in the case, this is not a natural death. I don't care how long you've been after David and LeJeune, all evidence goes to Homicide. We both know that. Hello, Artie. Hi. [Sighs] David and LeJeune? 2:40 this morning, after burglarizing this apartment, John David falls 16 floors from that balcony, swingin' from this. John David gets killed working with LeJeune. Are you kiddin'? [Horn Honks] Hey, does Ginger Rogers fall over Fred Astaire's feet? Huh? These two twinkle toes could get up on a Goodyear blimp in flight. - Get down without mussing' any hair. - We all have a certain amount of respect for these two, Lieutenant, but they're not infallible... or immortal. But this isn't homicide, Lieutenant. It's a simple accident. - Somebody killed on the job, that's all. - Artie. That rope didn't break. It was cut. He knows. Whatever happened was between the two of them. Now, we're gonna nail LeJeune for this job, Lieutenant. We will get him, okay? Uh, Mr. Douglas. Two years ago, before LeJeune became your personal property, I was after him, right? Me, three of my men, we stake out. There's a brownstone we know that LeJeune's gonna hit. And he's not gonna do it under our nose. Never. So what happens? He gets into a dumbwaiter, five floors up. Hand over hand. Boop! He's gone. I want him. But Safe and Loft, they keep gettin'the case. Not this time, Artie. This time... Homicide. [Grunts] Who are the tenants? Uh, that gentleman over there. Ramsey Brewer, Vice President, National Bank of New York. Oh, yeah. He was downstairs, lookin' for the stolen jewelry, when the first officers arrived. Who's the broad? His old lady. Would you give a copy of what you got to one of my men? I don't have any more to add. We woke up, saw a light on the extension phone... I guess they took it off the hook so it wouldn't ring... and the next thing I knew, I heard a scream. I rushed down, found my wife's missing jewelry. The, um, detective over there said we couldn't have it back. He gave me a receipt. I don't look very good in receipts. Well, I don't know about that, Mrs. Brewer. You know, I know this fellow LeJeune. He's great. And he doesn't usually leave a place empty-handed. Is there anything else missing? I'd say $3,000 in cash. It was in the safe. - That's all. - That's all? They didn't even blow it up. Just opened it. - How is that possible? - Oh. Excuse me. You're, uh, recently married, Mr. Brewer? Yeah. Six months, to be exact. And I guess you went through that divorce... I suppose with that ugly legal scene with the ex? - Yes. - Usually, when somebody's been divorced, they change the combination of their safe... kind of a reflex thing. You, Mr. Brewer, you been robbed by the best. He's beautiful. Forget about the files and the stethoscope and the hocus-pocus movie thing. Oh, no. Someone sold him the combination to your safe. Two men changed it. From a reputable security company. - Lockmaster Vaults. They were bonded. - Yeah. With the "pat you on the shoulder and keep your fingers crossed," right? That's bonded. Oh, no, no. Inside information. And that's how 85% of the crimes and the burglary is committed in this city. Hey. I'll lay you book that these guys have worked for five companies since they been here last. - You wanna do me a favor, Mr. Brewer? - Sure. Would you go see the date when your combination was changed? Thank you. Crocker. Look, uh, if you were gonna kill me... Why do you ask me questions like... Just wait till I finish. If you were gonna kill me, would you do it... while we were drivin' in a car, cruisin' together? No. Yeah. Then why would LeJeune want to kill his own partner, huh? When everything would point to him? For that matter, why would he want to do him in at all? [Stavros] Thank you. Yes. Good morning, Mrs. Brewer. Good morning, Lieutenant. - Well, could we close the door? - Of course. [Kojak] Uh, sorry about that. Would you sit down, Mrs. Brewer? Yes. Thank you. If you're still, uh, worried about your jewelry... I'm worried about my husband, Lieutenant. He didn't tell the truth last night. There was... something else stolen from the safe. Oh. What was that, Mrs. Brewer? If there has been a crime committed, and I've known about it, how guilty am I... I mean, how much do I have to pay for it? Well, that would depend on your involvement, and of course, the nature of the crime. [Sighs] That burglar last night. The one that got away? If you find him with what he stole, you'll know what Ramsey's been doing. [Sobs] Well, why don't you tell us about it, Mrs. Brewer? I'm sure it'll make you feel much better. Ramsey has custody of a lot of government bonds in the bank. They don't mature for 20 or 30 years, but the interest is paid... to a union, or a foundation, or whoever owns them. But the bonds stay in the bank. Last year, he took out $50,000 before we were married... and then 100,000. And yesterday he finally did what he said he was going to do... he stole a million dollars'worth. He sells them to the underworld. Then he was gonna wait six months... take me to Florida to retire. - [Sobbing] - Go ahead. Take it easy. A million dollars. Kevin LeJeune accidentally runs into a big one. Who knows, maybe he did do David in. Hmm. Well, technically, you could be considered, I guess, an accomplice, Mrs. Brewer. But I don't think anybody would want to prosecute you. I've done a terrible thing coming here, haven't I? Well, Mrs. Brewer, maybe you did something worse. Maybe you started him into doing this. Did you ever think of that? Yes. His whole world's falling apart. Who knows? At this moment, he may be crying on his fence's shoulder. Look, Mrs. Brewer. It takes about a day to get a court order for a wiretap. You and your husband use the same phone? I mean, the same number? - Yes. Why? - Because the wife of a suspect can give us permission. And we can get the court order faster. Y-Yes, all right. If... If it'll help. Thank you, Mrs. Brewer. The postal money orders you brought last year? I wouldn't mind seeing more of those. All right. United States government bond for $10,000. Payable to bearer. As good as cash. Not exactly, Kevin. It's numbered. It can be traced. - What did you do? Rob a bank vault? - No. [Chuckles] But I think I found someone who did. - Hagen, I have 100 of those. - A million dollars? Right. I'll settle for 30% face value, if you can make the deal today. - And I want a passport. - I can't set it up today for you, Kevin. I can't pay you more than a quarter of a million for the lot. [Sighs] Okay. But it's got to be settled by tomorrow afternoon. If not, I'll uh, try and make a deal in Zurich. The gnomes will pay you less than I will. What time can you bring them up tomorrow? No. - I'm not coming here again. - What's wrong? David's dead. By now, every station should have a flyer. And a full alarm. So if I stick to my regular routine, I figure they should be picking me up for questioning... about, uh, oh, 1.00, 1.30. So you call me. I'm at the Wickman. Hotel. It's a dump, on Broadway. Oh, uh, what is your mother's maiden name? - Kristiansen. - Okay. That's me. I want the passport in the same name too. Here are the photos. A hundred bonds? You're sure? I'd hate to go into a hotel room with a quarter of a million dollars and leave with nothing. [Chuckles] Hagen. I know that you and the two other guys with vests... have your names on the door outside, but I know who runs the business. Who counts on it to have their money shuttled all around the world for them. And if you think that I'm gonna double-cross the syndicate, forget it. Besides, I figure to stiff the guy I stole these from. He's got it coming to him anyhow. But, uh, not you. Believe me, not you. Oh, LeJeune. - Who did you get them from? - [Clicks Tongue] [Tapping Buttons] Hello? [Hagen] Mr. Brewer, please. Just a moment. Ramsey, it's for you. How long is it gonna take you to trace this thing? Just a couple of minutes. - Yes? - The stuff you couldn't deliver this morning. Would you believe, I know where it is? - I don't understand. - The guy who ripped the bonds off from you... I deal with from time to time. - It's a small world, isn't it? - Can we get them back? Is there any way? Look, Ramsey. They're his now. He and I have made a deal. You can always go into the vaults at work and come up with more. - That was going to be the last time. - As they say, "Just one more time." Suppose they catch him? Suppose he just calls the police and tells them what he stole, and from whom? They start investigating, checking the bank vaults. That's the end of me. - Nothing else for me. - Why would he do a thing like that? I killed one. I would have killed them both last night, if I'd had the chance. I'm 55. I've got a second life coming to me. I'm not going tojail. Get the bonds from this fellow, and then get rid of him. You've got to be kidding. That's not my business. Well, you know some people who do that sort of thing. I'll pay. - 50,000. Is that enough? - You are serious. You want more bonds, you help me protect myself. All right. For $50,000, I'll get you the best in the business. And that's a promise. I'll call Baltimore. But look, Ramsey. This has got to come offby tomorrow. - I'll get back to you. - [Stops Tape Recorder] What does that do to our trace? Forget it. Fifty thousand. [Sighs] And a call to Baltimore. The best hit man in the business, Crocker... who's that? Packman. Neil Packman. They say he's nailed about a hundred people or so. You want us to bring in Brewer? Nope. I want to follow Brewer. I want to know who the fence was he was talkin' to. And then we follow him to LeJeune, and maybe then, Packman. Neil Packman. He's a machine, Crocker. You put the money in the slot, out comes the bodies... cops, racketeers, husbands, wives, kids. He'll kill anything. You know something? Nobody even knows what he looks like. Sure, I want Brewer. Sure, I want LeJeune. But most of all, I want Neil Packman. You want Packman? I want Packman. But we've also got to nail Brewer, LeJeune, and the fence. The sweet trick would be to make it a grand slam, get them all. [Chuckles] Sure. A burglar, a fence, a banker and a hit man. How's that for a 20th-century fairy tale? Well, we're not gonna nail Brewer, LeJeune or the fence without those bonds... in our hands as evidence to take to the jury. Now, we both know LeJeune. Wherever he's hiding those bonds, he's hiding them good. We might never find them. Frank. Out of those four, there's one we may not take... LeJeune. You know, I want to make a deal with him. He hands over the bonds, he gives us a deposition for the grand jury... - that he stole them from Brewer. - If he doesn't hand them over, you don't have a case against him anyway. - So what are you offering him? - His life. You know Packman's reputation. He'll make his first move as soon as possible. If it doesn't work out, he'll stalk LeJeune for as long as it takes. And when Packman takes a hit on somebody, uh-huh... - That person's finished. - Just how are you gonna do this big favor for LeJeune? - Get Packman to drop the hit? - No. I know I can't do that, Frank. But LeJeune's got guts, and he's clever. With him as the hit, we could work out a plan to nail Packman. I know it. You and LeJeune? Is that the "we" you're talking about? [Chuckles] Yep. I want to work with him. The two of us together on the same side. Now there's a team that stands a chance against Packman. It's crazy! - Um, I kinda like it, Frank. - We don't even know where LeJeune is. [Phone Ringing] Captain McNeil. Yeah, he's right here. Crocker. - Yeah? - Brewer left his apartment about ten minutes ago and stopped at Columbus Circle. He's talkin' to some guy driving' a new Continental. License plates, 374-YAP. He's young, blond. From here, he looks about 35. - He just gave him an envelope. - Okay, I'll have Stavros check out the car and the plates. You stay with him. [Hangs Up Receiver] Well. Brewer gave an envelope to a guy in Columbus Circle. You know, he's too young to be Packman. He's probably the fence. You know something, Frank? We're gettin' warm. [Door Closing] - He came in from Baltimore this morning. - Did you tell him who the hit was? - When it had to come off? - He doesn't care who it is. As for the timing, he'll try to do it right away, today. If I help set it up. All of a sudden, I'm into this pretty deep. I have to be in the hotel room when it happens. I'm taking a chance. And I don't like it. Oh, you don't, huh? I'm sure you'll like it just fine when you walk away from all this... with the bonds and the money still in your pocket? You're gonna come off beautifully, Hagen. - But then, that's why you're in it, right? - That's my business. So, it'll happen though. By tonight? For sure? - You got personal assurances? - Personal? Not exactly. I don't know anyone who ever talked to Packman personal. I'm gonna see LeJeune now. Uh, Brewer... You and I don't have to be in touch anymore. Not unless you have something new from your little piggy bank for me. [Starts Engine] Lieutenant? We got him at the hotel. [Knocking] [Speaks Spanish] Kristiansen. Hurry up. It's not exactly the Ritz, but then, what is these days anyway? Are you crazy? What are you doing to me? I never carry a gun, Hagen. You'll get it back when you... leave. I always have that with me. I have a license. - I carry large sums of money. - Quarter of a million makes a big bulge. - I don't see one. - I can't get it till 4:00. But first, my... associates would like to see one of your bonds. You have them here? Newspapers. - Who is that supposed to fool? - It's part of my private protection plan. - I don't get it. - Good. Here. I could have left this one with you at the office, but, you know, I still don't know about you, Hagen. [Sighs] Come on. Passport. Name of Kristiansen. Ticket to Paris, name of Kristiansen. - Your flight is not filled in. - I'll take care of that. As soon as this deal is finished, I am off. Say 4:30, here. If I get the okay, you're sure you've got the rest here? Ready to go? Are you kidding? [Chuckles] How long would it take to search this place? Three minutes? - I've got nothing here. Pool hall down the street. - That's where they are? Yeah. Where nobody can ever find them. - Very clever. - Come on. [Scoffs] Now, let's get rid of the small talk, and what do you got? What have I got? Lieutenant, this is the guy here. Oh, that's John Hagen. We know about him. How about LeJeune? No. All right. Stay with him. If he stops and talks to anybody who even resembles Packman, follow him. I don't expect they'll meet, but you gotta stay on top of everything. Go ahead. Hey, keep it. Lieutenant, here comes LeJeune. All right. You go to the apartment, and search it up. And I'll stay with him. Right. What's happening? Same thing. Don't make believe you don't know me, Mary. I'm just another pretty face, Kevin. Oh, hi, Kojak. [Chuckling] I didn't know you hung around here. You kiddin'? I'm a graduate student. I mean, I sent my kid sister through college, playin' nine ball. Hey, you don't say? How about a little wager? How's about a C-note? No, no, no, no. I know. That's a little too steep. How's about a 50, then, huh? You're on. All right. Call it! [Coin Lands] Heads. You lose. You're not tryin' to hustle me, are ya? No way. How about half? Half? Get away from me, Christy. Come on. You could do better than that. Twenty? Twenty. Go rack 'em up. [Whistling, Softly] All right? Brewer cuts David down, and you get away with all those gold-covered government certificates. What? Yeah. Not only that, Hagen is Brewer's fence. Oh! And he's protecting him, because he's the golden goose laying' those golden eggs. And he also told Brewer that you robbed him. Kojak, what are you talkin' about? You know what I'm talking about. But you know something? Brewer's afraid that you might blow the whistle on his dirty hands... after you sell the bonds... because of David, huh? You still with the bonds, huh? What's with the bonds? Lieutenant? Oh, wow. I just searched his room. Couldn't find a thing. Maybe he's got 'em on him. Thanks a lot. No, I don't have anything on me. Just these. Maybe other people have the wrong idea, too. Maybe other people think I'm carrying something valuable, see? This way, if they make a move against me, I... They come up with nothing, and I know who I can trust, who I can't. You better take a walk. We don't want to tip Kevin's hit man. Right. [Guffawing] Come on, Kojak. Let's not waste our time. You don't have a case against me. No case at all. Mm-hmm. Your shot. You got that right. Yeah. What? Brewer's got a hit out for you. Yeah? 50,000. Cash. From the man in Baltimore. Packman. [Sighs] Yeah. [Clears Throat] Yeah, that's fine. Got a case for it? Yes, sir. [Chuckles] Nice shot. Maybe you never heard of Packman. Oh, yeah. I've heard of Packman. But, uh, what does that have to do with pool, right? Aw, tough break. Yeah. Listen, tell me something. When? Oh, when? Oh, yeah. For all I know, he could be setting you up right now. Kojak, why are you giving me all of this? Why don't you pick me up, now? Because I want those bonds as evidence against Brewer. Because, ten thousand times more than I want you, I want Packman. This guy with his indiscriminate killing, you know, for years. You're gonna help me get him, once and for all. And you know what? I'm gonna save your life. And then you're gonna give me the bonds, and then it's gonna be happily ever after, you know, once upon a time. Like the fairy tales. Unless, of course, you don't like livin'. [Chuckles] You're tryin' to get me to squirm, eh? - Get some sorta confession out of me, huh? - Nine ball for the money. You know what I think? You are giving me all this Packman baloney... just so you can nab me while I sell those bonds to Hagen. Of course, if there really are bonds. You know what else I think? [Counting Bills] This Packman... I don't think he ever heard of me. What are you lookin' at? Kojak? Hey! What's wrong? Kojak? Guy who was just in here. - Did he buy that cue for himself? - Yeah, 22 ounces. I thought it was a little too heavy for him, but... And how about that case? The one that was under there? A real beauty, Theo. Don't make 'em like that anymore. Hey! Where are you going? - All right, Kojak. What's up? - That was him, casin' the joint. I know it. - How? - Are you kiddin'? Did you ever see a real pool player buy himself a genuine leather carrying case? And then wrap it up in old newspaper? Come on. Packman. About that age, isn't he? Hey. A-7-0-7-3... to A-7-0-9-7. Those are the numbers on the government bonds. We got 'em from the bank this mornin'. Hey look, they're goin'all over the world. They're gonna be tough to sell. Come on, LeJeune. Give us a break. You want me to play the target for Packman? Hey, you kiddin'? You got yourself a new partner. You're gonna do all right. Listen to me. Yeah. We better. [Kojak] He says the bonds are in the pool hall someplace. He'll go and get them just before Hagen shows up. No. No, Packman's not gonna take a shot at him before Hagen gets his hands on those bonds. So, he'll try and make the hit either in the room or on the way to the airport. Right. [Coughs] Somebody step on that. [Coughs] We'll follow the cab to the airport. We'll have a detective driving' it. We'll have another man dressed as a porter at the airport to carry his bags to the plane. We'll even have a man on the plane. And I'll be watchin' all the time. And if Packman never makes his move, we're giving LeJeune a pretty sweet send-off for a crook. Hey. He doesn't have to do any of this, Frank. We're not givin' him a paid vacation. I'll get the money from LeJeune before he leaves here. You'll get the bonds when you follow Hagen and pick him up. Theo. LeJeune is the slipperiest ganef I know of. He went along with this too quick. I don't trust him. Frank, trust me. Don't worry. We've come up with a pretty good gimmick. I think we may have a shot at Packman, Frank. I really do. - I'll be checking with ya later. - All right. All right. Pull down the shade. Yeah. Are you sure this is gonna work? Any bullet that comes through the window... goes through these two thin plastic sheets. That's the secret: Two holes. [Crocker] So what we do is line up the shot automatically, through the two holes. This way, we get our men down at the location as soon as we can. Within seconds. Not minutes, seconds. Not bad, huh? You got it? [Groaning] Yeah. [LeJeune] Are you sure this is gonna stop a rifle shot? Hey. This is the highest-impact plastic they make. They use it in schools. Terrific. It's vandal-proof. Watch out. Oh. Excuse me. Oh, come on. A little harder, please? Huh? [Chuckles] [Sighs] Yeah, well... Uh, look. We gotta give it a shot, right? [Scoffs] Oh, funny man. - You guys hear me out there, on the roof? - We got ya. If the shot comes from any of the windows over there, just give us the building number, starting from the left. Then the floor, down from the top. Then the window. - If he runs across the rooftops, we'll get him. - Patrol units, you hear that too? We'll let you know within five seconds where the shot comes from. We'll give you the address. You give it to us that fast, and we'll get him. - All right. Stay loose. - Pull up the shade. Yeah. [Sighs] [Muttering] [Sighs] Kevin? Yeah? Remember the, uh, the Fitzpatrick necklace? Sure! [Chuckles] You never did find it. You must have thought we ate it or something. - How much you get for it? - Oh, no. - Strictly between us? - What you call unprofessional curiosity. Seventy-five thousand. Where the hell'd you hide it? I mean, how'd you get it outta there? Nobody left the chapel who didn't get searched. David's kid brother was one of the altar boys. - We searched the altar boys. - What about the cup of communion wine, when he took it back to the sacristy? - Did you search inside that cup? In the wine? - [Chuckles] Well, you got away with it. You still didn't find it, pal. Now, you tell me something: How did you get on top of this case so fast? Sure, you knew it was me when you found David dead, but how did you get to Hagen, how did you find out about the hit? - Brewer's wife. Little Vicki. - Oh, her. How? She busted her old man. She came to me the next morning, first thing. She knew what he was stealin'at the bank. She wanted to get in the clear, in case we picked you up and found out about the stolen bonds. Lieutenant, it's 4:00. Hagen's due at 4:30. Uh, should we go to the pool hall and get those bonds? Mm-hmm. - Oh, yeah. - Then come on. I'll follow you. [Door Slams] Here, put this out someplace. All right. [Door Buzzing] Who is it? It's me. Hey! What are you doing here? Hey, if Ramsey gets back, he's not gonna like it at all... Honey, he's at the bank. He won't get back until 6:00. I know. Almost ready? Well, I thought I was gonna meet you at 7:00, on the plane... I don't want to wait until 7:00. I want to go now. Come on. You got the money already. The police have the bonds, my love. But don't worry about it. I'm one step ahead of them. Oh, listen. It's a long story, and by the way, we're not flying anywhere. We're driving, south. What do you mean, the police have the bonds? I don't understand. I had to make a deal. Do you know your husband hired someone to kill me? Someone they would rather catch a lot more than me. So, why should I hang around? What for? To risk my life? For what? They don't even know I'm here. Hey, come on. I'm alive, I'm free... we are together. Come on. Yeah, you're alive and you're free... what about me? I'm the one who knew the combination to the safe. I'm the one who went around walking in weird places and taking weird passes until I came up with your name! What? Kevin, we didn't meet by chance, you know. It wasn't just a chance. And when you took a tumble, I went along with it, because I didn't want to blow what I was setting up. Oh, what you were setting up? - Or do you mean who? - What difference does it make? I don't want to wait six months to go down to Florida with that old man. I don't want to spend $200,000 or $300,000 with him. [Scoffs] I've heard that part, Vicki. How about telling me something new, like how long were you gonna stick with me in Europe, doll? I don't know. A couple of months. You're not a banker. I thought maybe I could get to the money through you. Now I'm gonna have to start all over again, somewhere, somehow. Oh... d La, da-dum d What's that? The-The police don't have the bonds. [Chuckling] [Chuckles] Kevin, why did you do that? And why did you tell Kojak that your husband had stolen bonds in the safe? I didn't. Ah-ah-ah-ah! Vicki, don't lie. Kojak already told me. I mean, it wasn't enough, stealing from your husband? You had to make sure he went to jail. I'm... Now, why didn't you tell me that you were going to do that? I was right, wasn't I? He is dangerous. He did put the hit on you. The point is, you did it behind my back. And that gets me to thinking. And I was right, wasn't I? I'm glad I found out about you now. You have saved me a solo act, following you all around Europe, trying to keep you in furs, lady! Hagen came at 4:30. I didn't pick him up. I put a sign on the door. "Back in two hours. Love." - And I put LeJeune's name on it. - Theo, even if we do pick up LeJeune at the airport, he's obviously not interested in playing target anymore. Yeah, I'll twist his arm, Frank. I'll put a gun to his head, if I have to. Kojak? You won't have to bother. Mm. Yeah. He just walked in. Later, Frank. Would you like to start explaining yourself? It's getting dark out there. Don't you think we ought to worry about that first? How are we going to spot a sniper now? And in the dark? Hey, come on, Kevin. We're the greatest team since Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. Come on. Let's get the answer. [Kojak] So you didn't buy the combination to the safe, little, uh, Vicki came up with that. Yeah. Real woman's libber, isn't she? [Grunts] Why come back here? Are you kidding? You shoot a man on the force, I know you gotta take off at least a month. You get rattled. Maybe your judgment's off, right? Well, you think about what I've been through the last 24 hours. I wouldn't trust myself on a job for months. Lots of months. [Sighs] All right, Kojak. You win. [Chuckles] Here's your deposition. How I burglarized the bonds from Ramsey's safe. I got Vicki's name in here too. You got the whole story, partner. Kojak, I'm getting older. There's jobs I used to take because I knew if worst came to worst, I could outrun anybody. Sometimes, it's that simple. Not anymore. Not without David either. [Sighs] I've got to think things over and without Packman breathing down my neck. Besides, how can I pass a bunch ofbonds... - now that you've got their numbers from the bank, right? - Right. Now, you tell me where they are, and I'll send somebody down to the pool hall and get 'em. Nah, save yourself a trip. [Groans] I got 'em right in there. - Now, what's the angle? - Hagen's the only one I thought might try and rip me off. I showed him the newspapers. He didn't know what to make of it. But he sure didn't think I was carryin' those bonds around in there. No way I wasn't gonna keep them on me, I'll tell ya. Lieutenant? We found one that's open. Mr. Green, on West 55th Street? He knows who we are. Mr. Green? Most surveyors today use lasers, right? Where you been, Hagen? I had a clean shot in that room at 4.30, and nobody showed. I'm sorry. I came right back down here, hoping you'd call, Packman. Well, you paid me. And I was here, ready. Well, he had to go out. There's a note. Uh, he should have been back by now, and... anyway, it's night. - That's better for you, right? - It's never better, it's never worse for me. When I'm ready, it's perfect. Look. I'm going to go back to the hotel right now. You be there in 30 minutes. I'll get him lined up by the window, just like you wanted before. - You hear me? Packman? - [Dial Tone] [Huffs] [Hangs Up Receiver] Mr. Green? Yeah. I'm Lieutenant Kojak. This is Detective Crocker. What's goin' on here? Well, Mr. Green, it's just possible that any moment, a man's gonna fire a high-powered rifle through the window in the room next door. Now, what I wanna do is pinpoint the exact position of that shot, by putting the laser beam through the bullet holes, and throw it onto the buildings across the way. That's several hundred feet. Can't be done. [Chuckles] It's a piece of cake. All right. What do we look for? A bright, red circle. About the size of a ping-pong ball. And follow the bright red ball right to the sniper? Uh-huh. All right. Get on the radio. Tell 'em up on the roof what we're doing and alert the police cars. All right, you guys in the cars, up on the roof, we're getting ready... you guys ready? Sure we're ready. - Hagen's gotta be on his way. - Kojak, I was thinking. Suppose he uses a hollow-nose bullet? Not if he's gonna try and hit you through the window. It would hit that glass and explode. No, it'll be jacketed and probably from a surplus M1. He's done it before. About 100, 200 times. No, he'll just drop the gun and take offlike a jackrabbit. Mm-hmm. It means that gives us, what, 10 or 15 seconds? - Why don't you cover the corner over there, so I can get in the room? - Okay. [Sighs] [Yawning] Hey, you know something? This is not very thick. [Chuckles] You know what we used to tell each other? David and me. "If you go to hell, buddy, I hope you get there one hour before the devil knows it." - Mm-hmm. - Sure hope it works that way. Hey. [Slaps Palm] Yeah. Tell me about it. You ready? All plugged in. Thirty-foot extension. Ready to go. We got a thousand blind eyes out there for windows. And one shot to make the right one. Good luck. [Knocking] Who is it? It's me. Hagen. [Kojak] Don't move, Hagen. Don't even look at me. Smile. Now, come on over here. Now what are you supposed to do, Hagen? Now tell me or it's gonna go harder on ya. Where's the hit? Here. Uh, I'm supposed to draw him to the window. Oh. Then do it. And do it exactly the way you planned it, okay? Yeah, but he... Yeah. Do it. [Breathing Shakily] Give me the bonds. Sure. Smile. A real smile. That's better. Now, go. Do it! - LeJeune? - See you around, Kojak. I was right about you, wasn't I? [Gasping] Take a look at that. Yeah. Should I smile, too, Kojak? [LeJeune] Whoo! [Kojak] All right. Pick it up. Line it up! Come on. Line it up, quick! - What do you see? - There! All right. Third building from the right. Top floor. Extreme left window. [Crocker] Number 152. [Kojak] Number 152. Section? - Section two. - Section two. Get on it! 152. That's him. Packman! Police! [Police Sirens Wailing] [Man On Police Radio, Indistinct] [Sighs] Kojak, I was thinking. Do I just disappear in the confusion? Stay clean, baby. One Sunday in 1828 a ragged boy was found abandoned in the town of N. He could hardly walk and spoke but one sentence. Later, he told of being locked in a dark cellar from birth. He had never seen another human being, a tree, a house before. To this day no one knows where he came from - or who set him free. Don't you hear that horrible screaming all round you? That screaming men call silence? THE ENIGMA OF KASPAR HAUSER Writing... Wri - ting! Remember that: writing. If you write nice now, papa'll give you nice horsey. Horsey... Horsey! - Horse. - Horse. Horsey! Repeat after me: I want to be a gallant rider like my father was before me. Say it! I want to be a gallant rider like my father was before me! Gallant rider. Gallant rider like my father... - Father... - Father... - ... was before me. - ... was before me. Remember that! Remember that! Come on now. Stand here. Hold this letter. The letter... Stay right here... Wait here. Wait for me here! What do you want here? Horsey! I'm asking you what you want here? Like my father was before me! Ah, maybe it's that you don't know your way around here? Can I be of service? Is it that letter there you're wanting to bring? Let's have a look at it. "To the Cavalry Captain of the Fourth Squadron Sixth Schwolische Regiment. " Let's see now, that'll be straight ahead past Augustinergasse, round the corner, that's the Captain's house. Should I take you there? Or have you got other plans? Say, where are from now? Ansbach, Erlangen, Regensburg? Regensburg! Regensburg, good - come along now! The young man here's from Regensburg here's a letter for the Captain. The Captain is not here. He'll be in this evening. Ah, but the young man is very weary. Can't we find a place for him till then? Not in the house, perhaps in the barn. Horsey! Right, with the horses on the straw. There he can give the letter to the Captain. Horsey. - Is that him? - Yes. We've tried everything we could to wake him, without success. Have you ever seen him before? No, never. Here's the letter. He didn't want to let go of it. From the Bavarian border, no place name, dated 1828... "His Excellency the Captain. " "Does it say "His Excellency"? It does, yes! "I'm senden yr Grace a bouye... " Senden yr Grace, hah hah! Should I take that down? Yes, please do. "This here bouye wants to serve his King faithfully. " "The bouye was laid me on... " He says the boy was "laid" him on 7th October, 1812. "I am a poor laborer with 10 children and have enough to do to feed myself and my wife. His mother wanted to raise the boy, but I couldn't ask her to. I didn't tell her the boy was laid on me by the Court. I have not let him take one step out of the house since 1812 so nobody doesn't know a thing about him. You can ask him, but he can't tell you. I teached him reading and riting. and he says he wants to be... "... a gallant rider like his father. " A gallant rider, yes... "... a gallant rider like his father was before him. If he had parents he would have been a smart fellow. " A smart fellow, yes. "You only have to show him something and he can do it. But please do not pile him with questions... " Ply with 'ie'... "He don't know where I am I brought him away by night. I am not signing my name. " No, there's no signature. - Did you get it all down? - Yes. This is very odd. Yes, indeed! Should I report no signature? Yes, and put this in the file. I'll try him again... No, don't. Leave him be. You can see it's no use. He seems to be not quite all right in the head. He's coming around... Your name! Should I report that he refuses to talk? Yes, name unknown. Where are you from? And his passport? Gallant rider... Occupation? Where were you born? He says he comes from Regensburg. From Regensburg. The intelligence of this man is in a state of absolute confusion. There's nothing to be gained by police interrogation. Should I take that down? Nothing to be gained by police interrogation, yes. Refuses to answer. He refuses to answer! Right, and what do we do now? Maybe he's hungry? It's worth a try. Lay him down again! Spits out food! Spat out food... Let's have a look at his feet. I say, those are old boots. Those boots have very old toes! Bleeding of the toes, scabs... Indicates a long period of... Feet extremely tender... Both feet show same indications of extreme tenderness. Aha, vaccination marks! The foundling seems to be of the higher orders! Foundling, yes, get that down. Upper arm injured... What was this injury caused by? By a blunt instrument, I'd say. Blunt instrument, I'd say. The same marks here, and here... Put that down! A prayer book! Entitled "Spiritual Forget-me-nots". Beautiful and Devoted Morning Prayers for Faithful Souls. The other book a printed treatise entitled 'Six Deep and Devotional Prayers'. Put under 'other things'... A four-cornered, folded square of paper, containing yes, a small quantity of gold dust, or gold leaf. Put that with the other things. Then a rosary... rosary. A rosary with a metal cross. With the other things. Under the circumstances, this man should be taken into custody! Put that down, word for word. A pencil! And a sheet of paper. Can he write? Can you write? Kaspar Hauser. The fellow is not as wild as I thought: he came peacefully. He seems harmless enough. I've done all I can. The rest is up to the authorities. Maybe we should place him under oath. He did not impress us as being either mad or depraved. Neither mad nor depraved. It's best we keep him in this tower for criminals and vagabonds. He doesn't look like going berserk. No, but you never can tell. He'll have to sit up to eat, he can't eat on the floor. Julius, take his feet. You hold him back... now forward... Now he's on his feet! Sit him down there. Let's stretch his feet out. I guess he never sat up straight at a table before! He never sat up at all in the tower. Take the bowl away... Hold on to the table there! Come on, let go! Give me your hat, you won't be needing it now. Leave him be, it's all right. Let's start. You've got to eat, come on. You can't eat with your hat! He won't give it to me. There, take the spoon and start eating. Look... look... like this. Do it like me. He'll be all right, it's just that he don't have no manners yet. So, open your mouth... See, I told you so! Oh, my goodness me! Take his bowl away, he's not used to it. Give him bread, he always takes bread when you give it to him. Bread... take the bread. Give him a drop of water, Julius. Look, it's empty, there's nothing more inside. Nothing comes out any more. - Empty! - Empty. Empty! Nothing more inside. All gone. Empty. Empty. No, this jug's not empty, there's beer in it. Look... it's full, it's not empty. That cup there is empty. There's nothing in it. Empty. It'll take time, getting him used to such things. Don't cry, don't cry. Oh my, how my gut is paining' me! Finger, thumb, arm... This is your hand, this is your arm. Arm... nose... mouth... Look, this is your ear. Look, I've even got a mirror! This here is your ear. My gut is killing me. Finger... shoulder arm. No, that's your hand. This is your arm. Hand, hand! This is your arm. Arm, arm, arm... Hand. Hey, what kind of place is this here, anyway? Damn your eyes, ain't there nothin' in this place to drink? Stand up, Kaspar, stand up! You don't have to be ashamed, we're alone here. Only the dear Lord is watching, don't be afraid. Mother, my skin is coming off! Don't worry about it. He hasn't had a bath in years. Lap, lap, lap, I like this milk, Lap, lap, lap as smooth as silk. Good morning, little cat so white. May I sit down by your side? Good morning, little cat so white, May I sit down by your side? Be nice to me little girl so fair, Then you may sit down right there. Lap, lap, lap I like this milk, Lap, lap, lap as smooth as silk. Agnes, that rhyme is too long for him. All he knows are separate words. I just taught him separate words and he can't understand your rhyme yet. It's no use, he doesn't even respond to a feigned thrust. Doesn't respond to feigned thrust. I don't think he's a hard boiled swindler. He's got absolutely no conception of danger! No conception of danger. It didn't even scare him. How about trial by fire? - Is that for the record? - Yes. He's not afraid of the flame. Charmed to meet you! Charmed, I'm sure! Look at him gaping'! He's never seen that before. Look, look... look here! Pick up the baby, Kaspar, go ahead. Mother, I am so far away from everything. I eat with my handses... With your hands! With my handses. With your hands! Have you heard anything? A number of people have testified that the foundling ran away from a group of English circus equestrians. - They were in the Oberpfalz area. - What was that? Other citizens say he is a member of the Baden dynasty who was to be eliminated as most likely heir. The Baden dynasty, however is beyond all reproach. Besides, there are better ways of getting rid of unwanted heirs... I don't believe the story in any case. Just look at him with his coarse, rustic features! There's nothing refined about him at all. She can't walk on two feet! After all, he's beginning to be a burden on the community coffers. He's costing us a pretty penny. Perhaps he should begin contributing to his own upkeep somehow. One could turn the public interest in him to good use. Come right on up, ladies and gentlemen! Parents keep an eye on their children! Now before we present the Four Riddles of the Spheres we have for you an entertaining intermezzo. This wild bear, Kublai Khan, from farthest central Asia came to us somewhere in Mongolia, where the Huns live. With one sweep of his mighty paw he can kill a bull! But here in the temperate zones, dear children he is as tame and cuddly as a little cat. Here our Indian fire-eater, our fakir a living flame, a veritable mountain of fire! He has succeeded, ladies and gentlemen, by will power alone in rejecting every trace of a burn or scorch! Show us your skin, soft as a baby's, not a blemish. What's this, you scoundrel? And now ladies and gentlemen for the very first time in the history of the world. Brought together for you and only for the first time: The Four Riddles of the Spheres! Minors please keep their distance. The gravity of my presentation permits of no childish pranks. And now for the first Riddle: The Little King! Monarch of the Golden Land of Punt of song and legend. The last link of an ancient line of giants! Each king of this line was tinier than the last. Here you see that the last living member of the royal family. Another few centuries, and the Kings of Punt will be invisible. The very last king will be no bigger than a flea! Yes, there he sits, our Little King cowering like an outcast in the corner of his throne. And as the kings have grown tinier, so have their kingdoms. His kingdom is no larger than the spot he is sitting on for neither can he leave his kingdom without outside help nor can he climb it. Our next Riddle, ladies and gentlemen... Our next Riddle of Science - the Young Mozart! One day long ago he fell into a deep trance and asked for nothing more but the music of Mozart. At a tender age he already knew all the scores by heart. Now, still in the trance, he looks for dark holes in the earth because they tried to teach him to read and write at school. Since that day he has lost the power of speech. He was not able to read or write he says because the whiteness of the paper blinded him. Day in, day out, he peers into dark, deep holes in the earth looking for entrances to caves and underground waterways. As you see, there is no way to gain the poor fellow's attention... His mind is completely engrossed in zones of twilight. Our next Riddle, a living specimen of anthropology is Hombrecito. An untamed Indian from the sunny shores of New Spain. This wildman is the sole remaining member in all of Europe of the renowned and legendary Kaffir and Indian Show. He plays his wooden flute night and day, because he believes that if he stops, all the people in town will die. He wears three separate jackets to keep from catching cold and to protect himself from the evil breath of mankind. Hombrecito is a jolly good fellow, and quite tame. He speaks hardly a word of any tongue - except Indian of course. And now to the final and greatest Riddle of all! Kaspar, the Foundling! He has agreed, with the express permission of the authorities to appear in person here every afternoon, and thus.. ...to ease the community's financial burden. Thank you, Kaspar! Kaspar Hauser was found in the Town Square of this fine city just as you see him standing before you today. In his right hand, a prayer-book and his left, the Anonymous Letter. Abandoned to his fate in a strange town the boy could neither speak nor walk. He had never seen a living being in his life before! His origin remains in darkness to this day, ladies and gentlemen. Is he a prince? Or possibly the legitimate son of Napoleon? His is and will remain the Riddle of the European Continent! Stop, Hombrecito! Kaspar, come back! Are you mad? I will get you! Stop in the name of the Law! There he is! Come down from there! Stop shaking that branch! If that branch breaks, I'll...! Come down here! Keep searching for Kasper. The beehive! Ah, it's locked. He couldn't be in there. I want to fly like a rider midst the bloody tussle of war! What a fine, what a beautiful report this will make! I shall write a report the likes of which has never been seen! Kaspar, what's wrong? Are you feeling well? It feels strong in my heart. The music feels strong in my heart. I feel so unexpectedly old. You've been such a short time in the world, Kaspar. Why is everything so hard for me? Why can't I play the piano like I can breathe? In the two short years you have been here with me you have learned so much! The people here want to help you make up for lost time. The people are like wolves to me! No, you mustn't say that. Look at Florian, he lives here too. He lost his family in a fire, he is blind, but does he complain? No, he plays the piano the whole day long even though his music sounds a little strange. Oh, how it is! A very big man must have built it. I would like to meet him. A man doesn't have to be as tall as the tower he builds. He can use a scaffold! I'll take you to see a new building. You lived in this tower, where that little window is. That cannot be! Because the room is only a few steps big. I don't understand. Wherever I look in the room to the right, to the left frontwards and backwards - there's only room. But when I look on the tower... At the tower! ...and I turn around, the tower is gone! So, the room is bigger than the tower! No, Kaspar, that's not right. Think about it a little more. I still don't understand. How do you mean that? Yes, let's ask him. It's important. Another cup of coffee, Pastor. Yes, please, it's excellent! Another cup of coffee? Yes, please. You're not going to torture him much longer, are you? I wouldn't call it torture! - I'll leave the pot here. - Thanks. Kaspar, what we really want to know is.. ...whether a Higher Being didn't occupy your thoughts in prison. I don't understand the question. In my prison I didn't think of anything and I cannot imagine that God created everything out of nothing like you say! If he doesn't understand God, then he'll simply have to have faith! You must have faith! The tenets of faith transcend mortal doubt. First I have to learn to read and write better to understand. No, Kaspar, the articles of faith are more important... And do stop pressing your thumb and finger when you speak! And now, my son, please repeat this prayer after me. Repeat after me! For the peace of God is higher than all mortal coils... Keep our hearts in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. Please, repeat. Say it! Look, these are last years apples. Big and red, aren't they? And those apples on the tree will look just the same soon. How do they do that? Time does it, Kaspar. And the Lord's plan! Let the apples lie, they're tired and want to sleep. Kaspar, an apple can't be tired. Apples don't have lives of their own - they follow our will. I'm going to roll one down the path, it'll stop where I want it to. The apple didn't stop, it hid in the grass! May I have your help in demonstrating it to him Mr. Fuhrmann? Come here, Kaspar, watch! Stand here where you can see. Now, Mr. Fuhrmann is going to put out his foot and when I roll the apple, it will stop right where we want it to. Smart apple! It jumped over his foot and ran away! Smart apple! What are women good for? Can you tell me that, Katy? Women are not good for anything but sitting still! But Kaspar... Why are women allowed only to knit and cook? You'll have to ask Mr. Daumer that, Kaspar. He'll know a decent answer for you. I already asked Mr. Daumer. Yes, Mr. Daumer is an educated man. I will never learn as much as him. He told me about the Sahara Desert and I can't get it out of my head! Katy, have you been to the Sahara Desert? I'm just a housekeeper, I don't go journeying so much. I was in Erlangen once, but it's a long way from there to the desert! I know a story about the desert, but only the beginning. Yes, Mr. Daumer told me about it. He said you couldn't get past the beginning of your story and that you should wait to tell it until you know the end and not just the beginning. Yes, he takes it seriously, that you should learn to tell a story right. If I... can ask Mister Daumer to read this letter at his pleasure. A few days ago I took some cress seeds and sowed my name with them. And it came up right pretty. And it made me so happy that I can hardly say. And yesterday, when I came back from boating... .. somebody had come into the garden.. ...and stepped on my name. I cried for a long time. I am going to sow the name again. It dreamed to me... You had a dream? Tell it to me! Yes, it dreamed to me. You're really coming along, Kaspar. You used to think all your dreams were real. Just a fortnight ago, you said you saw the mayor's wife even though everybody knows she'd gone on a journey. Strange that you didn't dream once during your years in prison! I dreamed of the Caucasus. It just can't be true when you say that your bed is the only place in the world you're really happy in. Don't you like the garden? The gooseberry bushes? Or the onions over there? All so green? Well, it seems to me that my coming into this world was a terribly hard fall! But Kaspar! That... No, that's not... How should I explain it to you? The Professor here has come all this way to ask you a question. He wants to see how well you can think and what you have learned in these two years and whether you can think logically. Will you answer him? - Yes! - Good. Kaspar let's pretend that this is a village. In this village live people who tell only the truth. Here is another village. The people here only tell lies. Two paths run from these villages to where you are standing and you are at the crossroads. A man comes along, and you want to know which village he comes from the village of the truthtellers or the village of the liars. Now in order to solve this problem, to solve it logically you have one question, and only one. What is the question? That's too difficult for him, how can he know that. I admit, the question is thorny. If you ask the man whether he comes from the village of truth and he does, then he will say, truthfully, yes. But if he comes from the village of lies, he will lie and also answer yes! Yet there exists one question which will solve the problem. That's much to hard, too complicated. You have one question, Kaspar and only one, to solve this problem of logic. I wouldn't know either. If you can't think of the question then I shall tell you. If you came from the other village would you answer 'no' if I were to ask you whether you came from the liars' village? By means of a double negative the liar is forced to tell the truth. This construction forces him to reveal his identity, you see. That's what I call logic via argument to the truth! Well, I know another question. You do? There is no other question, by the laws of logic. There isn't? But I do know another question. Let us hear it, then! I should ask the man whether he was a tree-frog. The man from the truth village would say: No, I'm not a tree-frog, because he tells the truth. The man from the liars' village would say: Yes, I'm a tree-frog, because he would tell a lie. So I know where he comes from. No, that's not a proper question. That won't do, I can't accept it as a question. That's no logic; logic is deduction, not description. What you've done is describe something, not deduce it. But I understood his question. Understanding is secondary; the reasoning is the thing. In Logic and Mathematics we do not understand things we reason and deduce: I cannot accept that question. Died June 30th - Karl Friedrich Wolf apprentice bookbinder and orphaned son of Johannes Wolf haberdasher and tradesman. Age - 18 years, 9 months, and 27 days. Cause of death - consumption. Died July 6th - Josef Christian Friedrich Holzlein. Age - 22 days. Cause of death - gout. With gratitude we record the Guardianship Council's petition to all men of generous heart to ease the lot of the poor and destitute among us. Flowers will also be accepted. No, Katy dear, my eyes aren't what they used to be. Would you be so kind as to call on the tailor today? Kaspar will be needing his new coat tomorrow. How far along are you with your new biography, Kaspar? The word is out that you are working on it, and everybody I know is dying to read it. No, I don't want to let go of any of it yet. There are so many words I don't know and so many things I don't understand yet. Sorry to disturb you, but I just wanted to tell you that an English nobleman, Count Stanhope, has come to town. He has taken great interest in your situation, and said that he would like to adopt you if you made a good impression. It would be a wonderful new start for you, Kaspar. I am overwhelmed. Welcome! Thank you. I should like to introduce my young protege... Kaspar, this is our charming hostess. Don't be afraid, give the lady your hand. And this is our gracious host who will open the doors of society to you. Allow me to introduce my young protege to you. Isn't he droll! Quite the noble savage! I should like you to meet the mayor and his wife. Hello, Kaspar. I'm so happy to meet you, Kaspar. Tell me, what was it like in that dark cellar of yours. Better than outside! But we all like you so much, Kaspar. Were you about to say something? You just tell us whatever comes into your natural young head. Your Grace, nothing lives in me except my life! Oh no, there's much more alive inside of you. You've been making such fine progress with your music something that educates and ennobles our feelings! Your Grace, I would like to play a piece on the piano. I shall play Mozart's waltz in F major. I'm not feeling well, may I be excused? A little fresh air will help. I'll open the window a bit. Are you feeling better, Kaspar? I think it's better we left him alone for a moment. There's no cause for concern. Kaspar is feeling a bit faint. Perhaps in the meantime I can tell you of my visit to Greece. Not many days ago the sun of Hellas shone down on me. I loitered, Pindar in hand, neath the columns of Corinth. The sunrises were indescribable the crystal clarity of the Greek light unforgettable. A balm to the soul, that unsullied atmosphere! I continued onto Crete, where I rode the little donkeys... The backs of these animals are often quite hard, you know and I was forced to wear peasants' trousers! Then the festivals of the simple peasants of the countryside the charming dances... Excuse me please, my protege. What's the meaning of this, Kaspar? I'm sure I don't understand... And what manner of silly business is this? Apparently I've been guilty of a misjudgment. There hasn't been enough time for me to get a true picture of the circumstances. Why did you leave the church? The singing of the congregation sounds to me like awful howling. And then the singing stops, the pastor starts to howl. Kaspar, we have to go back in. Poor young fellow! He must have taken too much of that laxative the doctor gave him! - Katy! - Yes. Come here a moment. It looks like a bloody handprint. Mercy me! I saw him go in here this morning and the door wasn't off its hinges. Look - it's blood! There are bloodstains on the cellar door. He can't have broken in by himself... He's drunk it dry! Now he's bitten a piece out of the bowl! Ah, here's our patient. Hello, thank you. Did you apply the bandage? There wasn't time to do it better. Were there any other injuries beside the head wound? No, only his head. I have a few important questions to ask the victim. Please - not now. Well, we won't be getting anything out of him today! But at least he's not talking the kind of rot he did last week. All the same, with respect to the crime and Hauser's origins, we can't expect much from him today. Then I shall ask you to take your leave, gentlemen. There was one thing I wanted to mention. But it has nothing to do with the attack on me. It is all so clear before my eyes. Tell us, Kaspar. I saw the ocean, and I saw a mountain and there were many people climbing up the mountain. It was like a procession. There was a lot of fog. I couldn't see it very clearly, but at the very top was Death. What's happened? He's been stabbed! What happened? And where? The man told me to watch the gardener then he gave me this pouch and stabbed me. I'll take you home, we'll carry you. Let me see what's in the pouch. A note! "Hauser can tell you exactly what I look like and where I come from. To save him the trouble I'll tell you myself where I come from and even what my name is. ...M. L.O." The Lord have mercy on me for I am weak. Heal me Lord, for my limbs are stricken. Lord, why do you hide from me in my hour of need? Do not go far from me, for fear is near. I am weary of sighing. I lie in the sweat of my body and my tears moisten my bed. My body, weakened by mourning, has grown old and I am tormented from every side. Away from me, evil-doers, for the Lord hears my call. Kaspar, my son if anything is burdening you, please tell us now. Yes... There is something, a story... It's about a caravan and the desert. But I know only the beginning. That doesn't matter now. Tell us the story, even if it's only the beginning. I see a caravan across the sands. And this caravan is led by an old Berber tribes man. And this old man is blind. Now the caravan stops because some believe they are lost and because they see mountains ahead of them. They look at their compass, but it's no use. Then their blind leader picks up a handful of sand and tastes it, as though it were food. My sons, the blind man says, you are wrong. Those are not mountains you see it is only your imagination. We must continue northward. And they follow the old man's advice and finally reach the City in the North. And that's where the story begins. But how the story goes after they reach the city, I don't know. Thank you all for listening to me. I'm tired now. There we have it - the left lobe of the liver is greatly enlarged. That is an unusual finding indeed, and worth recording. Please take this down: Left liver lobe enlarged and extends enlarged, yes. ...and extends to below the left arch of the diaphragm. Doctor, look! ...arch of the diaphragm. Look at the brain, its shape is rather unusual. Yes, a remarkable abnormality. Overdevelopment of the cerebrum. Oh, I agree, yes! There is also a deformity of the cerebrum. The left hemisphere is too small. That explains a great deal! This should be recorded. Take this down: Abnormal cerebrum definitely overdeveloped. Deformity of left cerebral hemisphere which does not sufficiently cover the cerebellum. Coachman! Today is a day to remember. Be so good as to take my hat home with you. I'm going to walk home. What a wonderful, what a precise report this will make! Deformities discovered in Kaspar Hauser's brain and liver! Finally we have got an explanation for this strange man and no one would never find nothing like this. One Sunday in 1 828 a ragged boy was found abandoned in the town of N. He could hardly walk and spoke but one sentence. Later, he told of being locked in a dark cellar from birth. He had never seen another human being, a tree, a house before. To this day no one knows where he came from - or who set him free. Don't you hear that horrible screaming all round you? That screaming men call silence? THE ENIGMA OF KASPAR HAUSER Writing... Wri - ting! Remember that: writing. If you write nice now, papa'll give you nice horsey. Horsey... Horsey! - Horse. - Horse. Horsey! Repeat after me: I want to be a gallant rider... ... likemyfatherwas beforeme. Say it! I want to be a gallant rider... ... likemyfatherwas beforeme! Gallant rider. Gallant rider like my father... - Father... - Father... - ... wasbeforeme . - ... wasbeforeme . Remember that! Remember that! Come on now. Stand here. Hold this letter. The letter... Stay right here... Wait here. Wait for me here! What do you want here? Horsey! I'm asking you what you want here? Like my father was before me! Ah, maybe it's that you don't know your way around here? Can I be of service? ls it that letter there... ... you'rewantingto bring? Let's have a look at it. "To the Cavalry Captain of the Fourth Squadron... ... SixthSchwolischeRegiment." Let's see now, that'll be straight ahead... ... pastAugustinergasse,roundthe corner, that's the Captain's house. Should I take you there? Or have you got other plans? Say, where are from now? Ansbach, Erlangen, Regensburg? Regensburg! Regensburg, good - come along now! The young man here's from Regensburg... ... here'sa letterforthe Captain. The Captain is not here. He'll be in this evening. Ah, but the young man is very weary. Can't we find a place for him till then? Not in the house, perhaps in the barn. Horsey! Right, with the horses on the straw. There he can give the letter to the Captain. Horsey. - Is that him? - Yes. We've tried everything we could to wake him, without success. Have you ever seen him before? No, never. Here's the letter. He didn't want to let go of it. From the Bavarian border, no place name, dated 1 828... "His Excellency the Captain." "Does it say "His Excellency"? It does, yes! "I'm senden yr Grace a bouye... " Senden yr Grace, hah hah! Should I take that down? Yes, please do. "This here bouye wants to serve his King faithfully." "The bouye was laid me on... " He says the boy was "laid" him on 7th October, 1 81 2. "I am a poor laborer with 1 0 children... ... andhaveenoughtodo to feed myself and my wife. His mother wanted to raise the boy, but I couldn't ask her to. I didn't tell her the boy was laid on me by the Court. I have not let him take one step out of the house since 1 81 2... ... sonobodydoesn't know a thing about him. You can ask him, but he can't tell you. I teached him reading and riting. and he says he wants to be... "... agallantriderlikehisfather." A gallant rider, yes... "... agallantriderlikehisfather was before him. If he had parents... ... hewouldhavebeenasmart fellow." A smart fellow, yes. "You only have to show him something and he can do it. But please do not pile him with questions... " Ply with 'ie'... "He don't know where I am... ... Ibroughthimawaybynight . I am not signing my name." No, there's no signature. - Did you get it all down? - Yes. This is very odd. Yes, indeed! Should I report no signature? Yes, and put this in the file. I'll try him again... No, don't. Leave him be. You can see it's no use. He seems to be not quite all right in the head. He's coming around... Your name! Should I report that he refuses to talk? Yes, name unknown. Where are you from? And his passport? Gallant rider... Occupation? Where were you born? He says he comes from Regensburg. From Regensburg. The intelligence of this man is in a state of absolute confusion. There's nothing to be gained by police interrogation. Should I take that down? Nothing to be gained by police interrogation, yes. Refuses to answer. He refuses to answer! Right, and what do we do now? Maybe he's hungry? It's worth a try. Lay him down again! Spits out food! Spat out food... Let's have a look at his feet. I say, those are old boots. Those boots have very old toes! Bleeding of the toes, scabs... Indicates a long period of... Feet extremely tender... Both feet show same indications... ... ofextremetenderness. Aha, vaccination marks! The foundling seems to be of the higher orders! Foundling, yes, get that down. Upper arm injured... What was this injury caused by? By a blunt instrument, I'd say. Blunt instrument, I'd say. The same marks here, and here... Put that down! A prayer book! Entitled "Spiritual Forget-me-nots". Beautiful and Devoted Morning Prayers for Faithful Souls. The other book... ... aprintedtreatiseentitled 'Six Deep and Devotional Prayers'. Put under 'other things'... A four-cornered, folded square of paper, containing... ... yes,a smallquantity of gold dust, or gold leaf. Put that with the other things. Then a rosary... rosary. A rosary with a metal cross. With the other things. Under the circumstances, this man should be taken into custody! Put that down, word for word. A pencil! And a sheet of paper. Can he write? Can you write? Kaspar Hauser. The fellow is not as wild as I thought: he came peacefully. He seems harmless enough. I've done all I can. The rest is up to the authorities. Maybe we should place him under oath. He did not impress us as being either mad or depraved. Neither mad nor depraved. It's best we keep him in this tower for criminals and vagabonds. He doesn't look like going berserk. No, but you never can tell. He'll have to sit up to eat, he can't eat on the floor. Julius, take his feet. You hold him back... now forward... Now he's on his feet! Sit him down there. Let's stretch his feet out. I guess he never sat up straight at a table before! He never sat up at all in the tower. Take the bowl away... Hold on to the table there! Come on, let go! Give me your hat, you won't be needing it now. Leave him be, it's all right. Let's start. You've got to eat, come on. You can't eat with your hat! He won't give it to me. There, take the spoon... ... andstarteating. Look... Iook...Iikethis. Do it like me. He'll be all right, it's just that he don't have no manners yet. So, open your mouth... See, I told you so! Oh, my goodness me! Take his bowl away, he's not used to it. Give him bread, he always takes bread when you give it to him. Bread... takethebread. Give him a drop of water, Julius. Look, it's empty, there's nothing more inside. Nothing comes out any more. - Empty! - Empty. Empty! Nothing more inside. All gone. Empty. Empty. No, this jug's not empty, there's beer in it. Look... it'sfull,it'snotempty . That cup there is empty. There's nothing in it. Empty. It'll take time, getting him used to such things. Don't cry, don't cry. Oh my, how my gut is paining' me! Finger, thumb, arm... This is your hand, this is your arm. Arm... nose...mouth... Look, this is your ear. Look, I've even got a mirror! This here is your ear. My gut is killing me. Finger... shoulder... ... arm. No, that's your hand. This is your arm. Hand, hand! This is your arm. Arm, arm, arm... Hand. Hey, what kind of place is this here, anyway? Damn your eyes, ain't there nothin' in this place to drink? Stand up, Kaspar, stand up! You don't have to be ashamed, we're alone here. Only the dear Lord is watching, don't be afraid. Mother, my skin is coming off! Don't worry about it. He hasn't had a bath in years. Lap, lap, lap, I like this milk, Lap, lap, lap as smooth as silk. Good morning, little cat so white. May I sit down by your side? Good morning, little cat so white, May I sit down by your side? Be nice to me little girl so fair, Then you may sit down right there. Lap, lap, lap I like this milk, Lap, lap, lap as smooth as silk. Agnes, that rhyme is too long for him. All he knows are separate words. I just taught him separate words... ... andhecan't understand your rhyme yet. It's no use, he doesn't even respond to a feigned thrust. Doesn't respond to feigned thrust. I don't think he's a hard boiled swindler. He's got absolutely no conception of danger! No conception of danger. It didn't even scare him. How about trial by fire? - Is that for the record? - Yes. He's not afraid of the flame. Charmed to meet you! Charmed, I'm sure! Look at him gaping'! He's never seen that before. Look, look... lookhere! Pick up the baby, Kaspar, go ahead. Mother, I am so far away from everything. I eat with my handses... With your hands! With my handses. With your hands! Have you heard anything? A number of people have testified that the foundling... ... ranawayfromagroup of English circus equestrians. - They were in the Oberpfalz area. - What was that? Other citizens say he is a member of the Baden dynasty... ... whowasto be eliminated as most likely heir. The Baden dynasty, however... ... isbeyondallreproach. Besides, there are better ways of getting rid of unwanted heirs... I don't believe the story in any case. Just look at him... ... withhiscoarse,rusticfeatures! There's nothing refined about him at all. She can't walk on two feet! After all, he's beginning to be a burden on the community coffers. He's costing us a pretty penny. Perhaps he should begin contributing to his own upkeep somehow. One could turn the public interest in him to good use. Come right on up, ladies and gentlemen! Parents keep an eye on their children! Now before we present the Four Riddles of the Spheres... ... wehaveforyou an entertaining intermezzo. This wild bear, Kublai Khan, from farthest central Asia... ... cametous somewhere in Mongolia, where the Huns live. With one sweep of his mighty paw he can kill a bull! But here in the temperate zones, dear children... ... heisas tameand cuddly as a little cat. Here our Indian fire-eater, our fakir... ... alivingflame, a veritable mountain of fire! He has succeeded, ladies and gentlemen, by will power alone... ... inrejectingevery trace of a burn or scorch! Show us your skin, soft as a baby's, not a blemish. What's this, you scoundrel? And now... ... Iadiesandgentlemen... ... fortheveryfirsttime in the history of the world. Brought together for you and only for the first time: The Four Riddles of the Spheres! Minors please keep their distance. The gravity of my presentation permits of no childish pranks. And now for the first Riddle: The Little King! Monarch of the Golden Land of Punt of song and legend. The last link of an ancient line of giants! Each king of this line was tinier than the last. Here you see that the last living member of the royal family. Another few centuries, and the Kings of Punt will be invisible. The very last king will be no bigger than a flea! Yes, there he sits, our Little King... ... coweringlikean outcast in the corner of his throne. And as the kings have grown tinier, so have their kingdoms. His kingdom is no larger than the spot he is sitting on... ... forneithercanheleavehis kingdom without outside help... ... norcanhe climbit. Our next Riddle, ladies and gentlemen... Our next Riddle of Science - the Young Mozart! One day long ago he fell into a deep trance... ... andaskedfornothing more but the music of Mozart. At a tender age he already knew all the scores by heart. Now, still in the trance, he looks for dark holes in the earth... ... becausetheytriedtoteach him to read and write at school. Since that day he has lost the power of speech. He was not able to read or write he says... ... becausethewhiteness of the paper blinded him. Day in, day out, he peers into dark, deep holes in the earth... ... lookingforentrancestocaves and underground waterways. As you see, there is no way to gain the poor fellow's attention... His mind is completely engrossed in zones of twilight. Our next Riddle, a living specimen of anthropology... ... isHombrecito. An untamed Indian from the sunny shores of New Spain. This wildman is the sole remaining member in all of Europe... ... oftherenownedand legendary Kaffir and Indian Show. He plays his wooden flute night and day, because he believes... ... thatifhe stops, all the people in town will die. He wears three separate jackets to keep from catching cold... ... andtoprotecthimselffrom the evil breath of mankind. Hombrecito is a jolly good fellow, and quite tame. He speaks hardly a word of any tongue - except Indian of course. And now to the final and greatest Riddle of all! Kaspar, the Foundling! He has agreed, with the express permission of the authorities... ... toappearin personhere every afternoon, and thus.. ... toeasethecommunity's financial burden. Thank you, Kaspar! Kaspar Hauser was found in the Town Square of this fine city... ... justasyousee him standing before you today. In his right hand, a prayer-book... ... andhisleft, the Anonymous Letter. Abandoned to his fate in a strange town... ... theboycouldneitherspeaknorwalk. He had never seen a living being in his life before! His origin remains in darkness to this day, ladies and gentlemen. Is he a prince? Or possibly the legitimate son of Napoleon? His is and will remain the Riddle of the European Continent! Stop, Hombrecito! Kaspar, come back! Are you mad? I will get you! Stop in the name of the Law! There he is! Come down from there! Stop shaking that branch! If that branch breaks, I'll... ! Come down here! Keep searching for Kasper. The beehive! Ah, it's locked. He couldn't be in there. I want to fly like a rider... ... midstthebloodytussleofwar! What a fine, what a beautiful report this will make! I shall write a report the likes of which has never been seen! Kaspar, what's wrong? Are you feeling well? It feels strong in my heart. The music feels strong in my heart. I feel so unexpectedly old. You've been such a short time in the world, Kaspar. Why is everything so hard for me? Why can't I play the piano like I can breathe? In the two short years you have been here with me... ... youhavelearnedsomuch ! The people here want to help you make up for lost time. The people are like wolves to me! No, you mustn't say that. Look at Florian, he lives here too. He lost his family in a fire, he is blind, but does he complain? No, he plays the piano the whole day long... ... eventhoughhismusic sounds a little strange. Oh, how it is! A very big man must have built it. I would like to meet him. A man doesn't have to be as tall as the tower he builds. He can use a scaffold! I'll take you to see a new building. You lived in this tower, where that little window is. That cannot be! Because the room is only a few steps big. I don't understand. Wherever I look in the room... ... totheright,totheleft... ... frontwardsandbackwards- there's only room. But when I look on the tower... At the tower! ... andI turnaround, the tower is gone! So, the room is bigger than the tower! No, Kaspar, that's not right. Think about it a little more. I still don't understand. How do you mean that? Yes, let's ask him. It's important. Another cup of coffee, Pastor. Yes, please, it's excellent! Another cup of coffee? Yes, please. You're not going to torture him much longer, are you? I wouldn't call it torture! - I'll leave the pot here. - Thanks. Kaspar, what we really want to know is. . ... whethera HigherBeingdidn't occupy your thoughts in prison. I don't understand the question. In my prison I didn't think of anything... ... andI cannotimagine... ... thatGodcreated everything out of nothing... ... likeyousay! If he doesn't understand God, then he'll simply have to have faith! You must have faith! The tenets of faith transcend mortal doubt. First I have to learn to read and write better to understand. No, Kaspar, the articles of faith are more important... And do stop pressing your thumb and finger when you speak! And now, my son, please repeat this prayer after me. Repeat after me! For the peace of God is higher than all mortal coils... Keep our hearts in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. Please, repeat. Say it! Look, these are last years apples. Big and red, aren't they? And those apples on the tree will look just the same soon. How do they do that? Time does it, Kaspar. And the Lord's plan! Let the apples lie, they're tired and want to sleep. Kaspar, an apple can't be tired. Apples don't have lives of their own - they follow our will. I'm going to roll one down the path, it'll stop where I want it to. The apple didn't stop, it hid in the grass! May I have your help in demonstrating it to him Mr. Fuhrmann? Come here, Kaspar, watch! Stand here where you can see. Now, Mr. Fuhrmann is going to put out his foot... ... andwhenIrolltheapple ,itwill stop right where we want it to. Smart apple! It jumped over his foot and ran away! Smart apple! What are women good for? Can you tell me that, Katy? Women are not good for anything but sitting still! But Kaspar... Why are women allowed only to knit and cook? You'll have to ask Mr. Daumer that, Kaspar. He'll know a decent answer for you. I already asked Mr. Daumer. Yes, Mr. Daumer is an educated man. I will never learn as much as him. He told me about the Sahara Desert... ... andI can'tgetitoutofmyhead ! Katy, have you been to the Sahara Desert? I'm just a housekeeper, I don't go journeying so much. I was in Erlangen once, but it's a long way from there to the desert! I know a story about the desert, but only the beginning. Yes, Mr. Daumer told me about it. He said you couldn't get past the beginning of your story... ... andthatyoushouldwait to tell it until you know the end... ... andnotjustthe beginning. Yes, he takes it seriously, that you should learn to tell a story right. If I ... canask... ... MisterDaumer... ... toread... ... thisletter... ... athispleasure. A few days ago I took some cress seeds... ... andsowedmy namewiththem . And it came up right pretty. And it made me so happy that I can hardly say. And yesterday, when I came back from boating... . .somebody had come into the garden. . ... andsteppedon my name. I cried for a long time. I am going to sow the name again. It dreamed to me... You had a dream? Tell it to me! Yes, it dreamed to me. You're really coming along, Kaspar. You used to think all your dreams were real. Just a fortnight ago, you said you saw the mayor's wife... ... eventhougheverybody knows she'd gone on a journey. Strange that you didn't dream once during your years in prison! I dreamed of the Caucasus. It just can't be true when you say... ... thatyourbedistheonlyplace in the world you're really happy in. Don't you like the garden? The gooseberry bushes? Or the onions over there? All so green? Well, it seems to me... ... thatmycomingintothis world... ... wasa terriblyhardfall! But Kaspar! That... No, that's not... How should I explain it to you? The Professor here has come all this way to ask you a question. He wants to see how well you can think... ... andwhatyouhavelearned in these two years... ... andwhetheryoucan think logically. Will you answer him? - Yes! - Good. Kaspar... ... let'spretendthatthisisavillage. In this village live people who tell only the truth. Here is another village. The people here only tell lies. Two paths run from these villages to where you are standing... ... andyouareatthecrossroads. A man comes along, and you want to know which village he comes from... ... thevillageof thetruthtellers or the village of the liars. Now in order to solve this problem, to solve it logically... ... youhaveonequestion,andonlyone. What is the question? That's too difficult for him, how can he know that. I admit, the question is thorny. If you ask the man whether he comes from the village of truth... ... andhedoes, then he will say, truthfully, yes. But if he comes from the village of lies, he will lie... ... andalsoansweryes ! Yet there exists one question which will solve the problem. That's much to hard, too complicated. You have one question, Kaspar... ... andonlyone, to solve this problem of logic. I wouldn't know either. If you can't think of the question... ... thenI shalltellyou . If you came from the other village... ... wouldyouanswer'no 'if I were to ask you whether... ... youcamefromthe liars'village? By means of a double negative the liar is forced to tell the truth. This construction forces him to reveal his identity, you see. That's what I call logic via argument to the truth! Well, I know another question. You do? There is no other question, by the laws of logic. There isn't? But I do know another question. Let us hear it, then! I should ask the man whether he was a tree-frog. The man from the truth village would say: No, I'm not a tree-frog, because he tells the truth. The man from the liars' village would say: Yes, I'm a tree-frog, because he would tell a lie. So I know where he comes from. No, that's not a proper question. That won't do, I can't accept it as a question. That's no logic; logic is deduction, not description. What you've done is describe something, not deduce it. But I understood his question. Understanding is secondary; the reasoning is the thing. In Logic and Mathematics we do not understand things... ... wereasonanddeduce: I cannot accept that question. Died June 30th - Karl Friedrich Wolf... ... apprenticebookbinderand orphaned son of Johannes Wolf... ... haberdasherandtradesman. Age - 1 8 years, 9 months, and 27 days. Cause of death - consumption. Died July 6th - Josef Christian Friedrich Holzlein. Age - 22 days. Cause of death - gout. With gratitude we record the Guardianship Council's petition... ... toallmenofgenerousheart ... ... toeasethelot ofthe poor and destitute among us. Flowers will also be accepted. No, Katy dear, my eyes aren't what they used to be. Would you be so kind as to call on the tailor today? Kaspar will be needing his new coat tomorrow. How far along are you with your new biography, Kaspar? The word is out that you are working on it, and... ... everybodyI know is dying to read it. No, I don't want to let go of any of it yet. There are so many words I don't know... ... andsomanythings I don't understand yet. Sorry to disturb you, but I just wanted to tell you... ... thatanEnglishnobleman,Count Stanhope, has come to town. He has taken great interest in your situation, and said... ... thathewouldliketoadopt you if you made a good impression. It would be a wonderful new start for you, Kaspar. I am overwhelmed. Welcome! Thank you. I should like to introduce my young protege... Kaspar, this is our charming hostess. Don't be afraid, give the lady your hand. And this is our gracious host... ... whowillopenthe doors of society to you. Allow me to introduce my young protege to you. Isn't he droll! Quite the noble savage! I should like you to meet the mayor and his wife. Hello, Kaspar. I'm so happy to meet you, Kaspar. Tell me, what was it like in that dark cellar of yours. Better than outside! But we all like you so much, Kaspar. Were you about to say something? You just tell us whatever comes into your natural young head. Your Grace, nothing lives in me except my life! Oh no, there's much more alive inside of you. You've been making such fine progress with your music... ... somethingthateducates and ennobles our feelings! Your Grace, I would like to play a piece on the piano. I shall play Mozart's waltz in F major. I'm not feeling well, may I be excused? A little fresh air will help. I'll open the window a bit. Are you feeling better, Kaspar? I think it's better we left him alone for a moment. There's no cause for concern. Kaspar is feeling a bit faint. Perhaps in the meantime I can tell you of my visit to Greece. Not many days ago the sun of Hellas shone down on me. I loitered, Pindar in hand, neath the columns of Corinth. The sunrises were indescribable... ... thecrystalclarityofthe Greek light unforgettable. A balm to the soul, that unsullied atmosphere! I continued onto Crete, where I rode the little donkeys... The backs of these animals are often quite hard, you know... ... andI wasforced to wear peasants' trousers! Then the festivals of the simple peasants of the countryside... ... thecharmingdances... Excuse me please, my protege. What's the meaning of this, Kaspar? I'm sure I don't understand... And what manner of silly business is this? Apparently I've been guilty of a misjudgment. There hasn't been enough time... ... formeto getatrue picture of the circumstances. Why did you leave the church? The singing of the congregation... ... soundstome likeawfulhowling. And then the singing stops, the pastor starts to howl. Kaspar, we have to go back in. Poor young fellow! He must have taken too much of that laxative the doctor gave him! - Katy! - Yes. Come here a moment. It looks like a bloody handprint. Mercy me! I saw him go in here this morning... ... andthedoorwasn'toffits hinges. Look - it's blood! There are bloodstains on the cellar door. He can't have broken in by himself... He's drunk it dry! Now he's bitten a piece out of the bowl! Ah, here's our patient. Hello, thank you. Did you apply the bandage? There wasn't time to do it better. Were there any other injuries beside the head wound? No, only his head. I have a few important questions to ask the victim. Please - not now. Well, we won't be getting anything out of him today! But at least he's not talking the kind of rot he did last week. All the same, with respect to the crime... ... andHauser'sorigins,wecan't expect much from him today. Then I shall ask you to take your leave, gentlemen. There was one thing... ... Iwantedto mention. But it has nothing to do with the attack on me. It is all so clear before my eyes. Tell us, Kaspar. I saw the ocean, and I saw a mountain... ... andthereweremanypeople climbing up the mountain. It was like a procession. There was a lot of fog. I couldn't see it very clearly, but... ... attheverytop was Death. What's happened? He's been stabbed! What happened? And where? The man told me to watch the gardener... ... thenhegavemethis pouch and stabbed me. I'll take you home, we'll carry you. Let me see what's in the pouch. A note! "Hauser can tell you exactly what I look like... ... andwhereIcomefrom . To save him the trouble... ... I'lltellyoumyself where I come from... ... andevenwhatmyname is. ... M.L.O." The Lord have mercy on me for I am weak. Heal me Lord, for my limbs are stricken. Lord, why do you hide from me in my hour of need? Do not go far from me, for fear is near. I am weary of sighing. I lie in the sweat of my body... ... andmytearsmoistenmybed. My body, weakened by mourning, has grown old... ... andI amtormented from every side. Away from me, evil-doers, for the Lord hears my call. Kaspar, my son... ... ifanythingis burdeningyou , please tell us now. Yes... There is something, a story... It's about a caravan... ... andthedesert. But I know only the beginning. That doesn't matter now. Tell us the story, even if it's only the beginning. I see a caravan... ... acrossthesands. And this caravan... ... isledby an oldBerbertribesman. And this old man is blind. Now the caravan stops... ... becausesomebelieve they are lost... ... andbecausetheysee mountains ahead of them. They look at their compass, but it's no use. Then their blind leader picks up a handful of sand... ... andtastesit , as though it were food. My sons, the blind man says, you are wrong. Those are not mountains you see... ... itisonlyyourimagination. We must continue northward. And they follow the old man's advice... ... andfinallyreach the City in the North. And that's where the story begins. But how the story goes after they reach the city, I don't know. Thank you all for listening to me. I'm tired now. There we have it - the left lobe of the liver is greatly enlarged. That is an unusual finding indeed, and worth recording. Please take this down: Left liver lobe enlarged and extends... ... enlarged,yes. ... andextendsto below the left arch of the diaphragm. Doctor, look! ... archofthediaphragm. Look at the brain, its shape is rather unusual. Yes, a remarkable abnormality. Overdevelopment of the cerebrum. Oh, I agree, yes! There is also a deformity of the cerebrum. The left hemisphere is too small. That explains a great deal! This should be recorded. Take this down: Abnormal cerebrum... ... definitelyoverdeveloped. Deformity of left cerebral hemisphere... ... whichdoesnotsufficiently cover the cerebellum. Coachman! Today is a day to remember. Be so good as to take my hat home with you. I'm going to walk home. What a wonderful, what a precise report this will make! Deformities discovered in Kaspar Hauser's brain and liver! Finally we have got an explanation for this strange man... ... andnoonewouldnever find nothing like this. Jesus! Asshole! Did you see that? He pulled right out in front of me! I took my eyes off the road for a second, but come on! Maybe it's time we take a break. I'll pull over the next chance we get. Nice car. Thanks. You got your air, CD leather. You sprung for the whole nine yards. I guess so. But I suppose that rig of yours is what you really need out here. Why would you want that piece of shit when you got a ride like this? - What you need out here is a CB radio. - Yeah, is that right? If you use a CB, you need a handle. Yours could be "Shit-for-Brains." Do you even care that you damn near killed us? I didn't see you. You pulled out in front of me. - Like hell I did! I saw what happened! - Let's just forget this, okay? I'm sorry it ever happened. I don't want any trouble. No, I bet you don't. Howdy, ma'am. Ought to be more careful who you ride with. - What was that all about? - Nothing. The guy in the truck. He thinks I tried to hit him. Come on, let's go. - Do you want me to drive? - Later. Just get in. - I promise not to sideswipe anyone. - Just get in. I'm kidding. You getting ready for the Grand Prix? What did you get? Junk food fiesta. Let's see... Sno Balls Yoo-hoo and moonpies. - Can you believe they still make this? - It's gourmet cuisine around here. This is crazy. Look at this. It says, "If you win this mail-in contest you can choose between $90,000 or 90,000 donuts." What would you do with 90,000 donuts? I don't know. Sell them for 30 cents each and pay off this car. No kidding. Ninety thousand dollars. That'd solve some problems. What the hell? - What did you do? - Nothing. I... Hang on. I can't steer. Unbelievable. - Perfect. - Out of range? So much for taking the scenic route. - The baffle gasket's burned out. - What? - It's connected to the connecting rod. - Oh, God, shut up! Oh, man! Can you believe this? - This could be our worst decision ever. - What are you doing? No, just listen. We're changing jobs, right? Our finances are pretty well fucked. And we're in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, this is our worst decision. Get out of here! You're bugging me. Okay, good luck, because I'm going to California. No problem. Just leave me the MoonPies. - And the donuts! - No, there's a car. Christ, not these guys. Assholes. Jeff? What the hell's..? - What's he doing? - I don't know. This isn't good. - Hi. You folks all right? - Fine. Our car broke down. I saw that. I'll help you push it off the road. Thanks for the help. Honey, you want to steer? Massachusetts plates. You folks on vacation? No, we're moving. - Oh, yeah? Whereabouts? - San Diego. Do you think we can use your CB to radio a tow truck? I blew a fuse on it this morning. I'll fix it at the truck stop at l-40. - How far is that? - About 60 miles. I was just driving along and she quit on me. Belts, battery's working. It used to be, you'd kick it and it would start. Now they got computers. - It is a new car. - You know, that could be it. You been riding it pretty hard? They tend to overheat when they're new. Well, yeah, a little, but not... Tell you what. I can give you a ride to Belle's, a diner five miles down. They've got a pay phone. You can call a tow truck. That's nice of you, but I think you got it. We'll just let her cool off a bit. Thanks. We really appreciate it. - I wish you luck getting it started. - Thanks a lot. - Honey. - He's right. It's just overheated. What if it's not? We'd be stuck out here. No, but just give it some time, let it cool off. We'll be all right. It's getting pretty toasty out here. Are you sure you wanna blow this ride? No, but... I don't want to leave the car alone. What if I take the ride, call the tow truck and order a nice, cold iced tea? - And I stay with a nice, hot car? - Right. Right. - Sure you're all right? - I'll be fine. Excuse me. - Can I take you up on that ride? - Sure, step on up. - Your husband doesn't want to come? - No, he's gonna stay with the car. What the hell? Tow truck, my ass. Excuse me. I was supposed to meet my wife here. She's dark-haired, about 5'5", wearing a white Benetton sweater. - White what? - Benetton sweater. Hank, your order's up! I'm pretty busy here. People come and go. This was within the last half-hour. She may have been with a trucker. A guy wearing a baseball cap, driving a big 18-wheeler. Doesn't ring a bell. You sure? This man's looking for his wife. Dark hair, white button-on sweater traveling with a guy wearing a cap. Has anybody seen them? Looks like she got away from you, cowboy. You think maybe she left a message with one of your other employees? Don't see how that's possible. I'm the only one that works here. - Is there another Belle's Diner? - No sirree! Definitely not. She and I must have gotten our signals crossed. How far is the next town? About 20 miles. Can you do me a favor? If my wife, Amy, comes in tell her I was here and to stay put till I get back. - Could you do that, please? - Yeah, okay. Thanks. Pull over! Pull over! I don't believe it. Jesus! Christ! Hey, man. - What are you doing? - Trying to stop you. Didn't you see me? - Yeah. - Well? Never mind. I'm looking for my wife. Where is she? How should I know where your wife is? I'm the guy with the Jeep. You gave her a ride to Belle's Diner. Not me. Sorry. Sorry? This was like a half-hour ago. You don't remember? Look, I've never seen you before in my life. What are you doing? Amy? Amy, are you in there? Look, I don't know what you want... I want my wife back! Now what have you done..? - Officer, I need your help. - What's the problem? - He's done something with my wife. - Calm down, sir. What's going on? I don't know. Last I saw her, she was with this guy, in his truck. - Now he says he never saw her! - I don't know what he's talking about. - Don't lie, you son of a bitch! - Calm down! - Now tell me exactly what happened. - Okay, all right. Our car broke down. He stopped, offered to help and took my wife to a pay phone. But she never showed up! - What do you have to say about this? - Officer, I don't know. He runs me off the road and starts hollering about his wife. I swear, I've never seen him before. - You didn't give his wife a ride? - No. He's lying! - Sir, may I search your truck? - Hell yes. Go ahead. My name's Red Barr. All my permits are current. You can see them. That's not necessary. Stand back behind the line, both of you. I need to see your license and registration, please. - Are those yours? - Yeah. My personal stuff. You want to take a look? No. I think we're done here. You're free to go. Wait, that's it? You won't question him anymore? I've searched the truck. There's no evidence of suspicious activity. Maybe you confused my truck with another. - Go to hell! Let me see that! - Hold on a second! You want to get arrested? The man's got a point here. This is a plain-looking truck. Looks like a lot of trucks. Maybe you did get them mixed up. You stay put. Mr. Taylor? Come on. It was him. It was this truck. I can see that. Did you get a license plate number? What? No! - How about the information on the door? - I wasn't paying attention. Come on! Mr. Taylor, did you have a beef with your wife today? What's that got to do with anything? Is there a possibility she could have left you? I don't believe this. My wife did not leave me! You put two people in a car long enough, they'll go at it. I've seen men dump their women on the roadside and vice versa. Officer, I'd really like to stay and help, but I got a long haul to Fresno. Go ahead. I appreciate your cooperation. This is insane. Officer, please. I've got his information. If I need to find him later, I know where to look. Sir. Much obliged. No hard feelings. I really do hope you find your wife. Thanks. Mr. Taylor, you want to come with me? I believe you that she's missing. Maybe you got confused about which truck. I'm trying to help. The town of Brackett is 31 miles away. My deputy's name is Len Carver. He'll help you if you want to report your wife missing. Sheriff, Mrs. Gilbert's locked out of her trailer. Can you help her? - 10-4. Tell her I'm on my way. - Will do. Mr. Taylor, do yourself a favor go see my deputy. - Is this a recent picture? - Yes, a couple months old. Her hair's the same? Yeah. Well, we'll certainly do our best, Mr. Taylor. Over 100,000 people go missing in this country every year. Runaways, deadbeat dads, dropouts, folks hiding from the IRS all vanishing without a trace. We get these kinds of pictures all the time. I'm not saying your wife is one of them. I hope not. Unless there's a ransom demand or evidence of forced abduction the FBI won't even look at your case until it's been 24 hours. Nevertheless, we'll certainly keep our eyes peeled. Mr. Taylor why don't you go to Belle's? Get a cup of coffee, wait for your wife. If anything comes up, I'll contact you. How's that sound? Yeah. - Did my wife come in? - Didn't see her. You didn't see her or she didn't come in? Like I said last time, maybe she was in, maybe she wasn't. All I'm saying is that I didn't see her. It ain't none of my business, but if I was you, I'd check the ladies' room. Amy? Amy! I'll be right with you, cowboy. - I want to see your order slips. - What? You write down the names. Let me see. Are you nuts? I don't have to show you jackshit! If my wife came in here, then her name's in that pile. You calling me a liar? Let me see these fucking slips! Mister, I've had just about enough of you. - Operator. - Sheriff's office. - One moment, please. - Come on! My name's Billy. You the fella looking for his wife? Yes! Yeah, how'd you know? Did you see her? Have you seen her? Please, if you know something, tell me. - I seen her, maybe. - Where? When? Inside, a little while ago. - She came in on a truck. - Right. - A big semi. - Then what? Well, then she left on another truck. With who? With some men. They think I'm a dummy, but I ain't. I'll get my trucker's license. This is very important. Did you see where they took my wife? - Route 7, north. Up by the river. - By the river? Where? They don't tell me that kind of thing. Who doesn't? The bartender? The men in the truck? I ain't talking to you no more. Come with me to the police. If you tell them what you saw, they can help me. - Well, now you the dummy. - What's that supposed to mean? Don't you get it? Police is the ones in on it. Work, goddamn it. Hello! Steve, this is Jeffrey Taylor, you remember? Right. Don't put me on hold, please! Listen, I need a favor. I gotta talk to that friend of yours at the FBI. Right. It's about Amy. Something's happened to... I think she's been... She's missing! I think she's... Hello? Fuck! Hello! Steve? Yeah. No, don't call me back! Steve! Steve! Shit! What..? - Get out of the car now! - Oh, shit! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! What do you want? ! He's getting away! - What the hell's going on? - He got away, went down the river. Yeah, we're pulling it out now. - Careful. It's gonna come loose. - I got it. This is what happens when you get one without the other. - How do we explain this to Warren? - I ain't gonna. Hey, you all right? According to your wife, you got a pile of cash in your bank account. Is that true? - There's some, yeah. - Well, "some" just don't cut it. She gave us an exact dollar amount. I want that same figure from you. There are different accounts. The balance fluctuates. I don't... Fluctuates, my ass. If some hotshot like you ain't watching his bottom line it'd be the first time in history. What do you think, Earl? I think we've been lied to. He ain't no goddamn donut king. The slut lied to save her ass. Piece of shit. I'm gonna do him. Ninety thousand. Ninety thousand dollars. Now you crawl your ass out of there. You're a tough man to get ahold of, Jeffrey. What do you want? It's not what I want, it's what you want. How bad do you want it? It is gonna cost you. I can't show it to you now but it's about 5'5", 115 pounds, three or four of that just pure tit. Nice, curly, brown hair upstairs and down. Interested? Why? What does this..? Why us? Bring him up here. The town of Brackett, Jeff. It's a two-bit shithole in the middle of nowhere. See the bank down there? You're gonna tell the manager to express-wire $90,000 from your bank account in Boston. Cash. How do I know she's still alive? Shut up! Come on, Jeff. I need you to pay attention. You see that building with the flagpole coming out the top? - Yeah. - That's the sheriff's station. There are two cops. One has desk duty, the other is patrolling the foothills. A minute ago, Billy here called in an accident on the l-40 connector. See? There he goes. It will take him 20 minutes to get there 10 to see there's no accident, and 20 to get back. That's 50 minutes. That is exactly the amount of time you have to get my money. Before you get any ideas about calling in the cavalry remember, we'll be watching you. We're gonna be listening on those scanners. And if we see anything unusual an unmarked car, a plane, one human being who even smells like a cop you can just keep your fucking money, Jeff and I'll send you pieces of her from time to time. Billy. Give him the jacket. Go on. Put it on, Jeff. You can't go into a bank looking like that, now, can you? We don't have to do this, because I can get you the money, I swear. I promise you. Just let my wife go, please. Forty-nine minutes, Jeff. Time to get the show on the road. Here's my driver's license and credit card, if you need it. The account number from my bank in Boston. How long will this take? - Are you all right? - I'm fine. I only have $5000 in that account. How much can you advance me on my credit card? My card has a $6000 limit, can you advance me that? No, I'm sorry, I can't. The limit for non-customers is $500 a day. Sir, are you sure you're all right? Yeah, I'm fine. Just transfer the money, okay? I'm gonna tell you something. What I'm about to tell you... You can't call anyone, do you understand? Yes. Whatever happens, just keep writing on that pad. Please, now, just keep writing. They're probably watching now. They have police scanners. The whole town's under surveillance. If I don't walk out of here with... Excuse me. You the manager? - Yes, I am. - I was told to see you about a loan. Certainly. If you would just take a seat. Yes? Just forget it. I had a car accident, a minor one. I'm just kind of... How long is this gonna take? It will... Well, it's going to take a few minutes. Yeah, I'm calling regarding account number 9- 8-2-5-8-1-0-3. Jeffrey Taylor. Shit. It's me. No shit. I can see that. How much you got? The whole thing. Ninety thousand. That's good. Start walking toward the main road and get in the first car that stops. When do I see my wife? Soon enough, Jeff. Just start walking. Just throw the money right up here on the seat. No. First you tell me where she is. Wrong, asshole. First you give me the money unless you want me to shoot your ass dead right here on the highway. Turn around. Do it! Put your hands behind you. Step toward the truck. Get up in the truck. On your knees. Get in here, goddamn it! I gave you the money, now let her go. What the hell..? Yeah, it's a done deal. I'm heading in. Yeah, I got you. You gotta be the dumbest motherfucker yet. Think we picked you out of the clear blue? Shiny, new car. Massachusetts plates. It'll probably be a week before anybody misses you. You should have a bumper sticker that goes with that car: "Rich Assholes Looking for Trouble." I wish I had been there to see your face when your car seized up. Maybe you'll learn not to leave your hood open when you go in the store. What the hell is that? These ain't nothing but goddamn singles! You lying son of a... Shit! Hey! What are you doing in there? Where is she? - Fuck you. - No, fuck you! You like that? How about this? - Where is she? - I don't know. The fuck you don't know! Stop. Stop. What's that? You really want me to stop? Because I'll bet this baby stops on a fucking dime! What the hell? - Where is she? ! - With Billy. - Where? - Driving around. Bullshit! I'm in pursuit of a black Ford pickup truck. Contact the state police. - Well... - Shut up. Nino, you're so pale. You're not well? - I can't find Enzino. - Where is he gone... - Shut up. - Is this the new maid? - Actually... Shut up. She's too smart. Go to the kitchen to help Adelina. - Mamma, I... - Shut up! Go. Antonio. Give me a hand. - Mamma, but... - Shut up. How many times do I have to say that the wheelchair is for paralyzed! - And I'm not paralyzed, I'm just tired. - Yes, mom. - Shut up! You need to do these things, we are at the grandma's house. I do not want to see her, because she stinks. If I wasn' hungry, you wouldn't have find me. - Kiss the grandmother, do it for me. - Okay, but I'll cover my nose. - Where was Enzino? - He was hiding in the barn. Crazy kid! Say hello to grandmother, give her a kiss. Come on, sit down and be quiet. Next time I'll not take you to your grandmother. - Go. Go. Nothing than trading! You are what you owe! I'm old and will not be here for ever. The fact is that a farm requires tough hand and carying eye. It's time for me to stop losing money on your store. These cigars are now a crap. They look like a straw. - But, Mom... - Shut up! Your Father was real landlord... - And you are certainly not like him! - That I know! - And remember that I can die any day. - Tomorrow, Grandma? - Ma... - Eat Enzino! Remember, don't talk when grown ups are having conversation. Eat! Mom, at least in front of children, treat me with some regard and respect. Regard? Respect? Perhaps you have had regard and respect for them or for yourself? - The cigarette. What? - The cigarette What do you think? "Dumb son understands his mother". - I'm dumb because you never let me talk. - Shut up! When you open your mouth, just say nonsense! - You want to tied your hands with a servant! - What servant? She makes you comfortable, but the servants are for this, since the world began! - But you want to marry her! - What's wrong with that? - She's a good girl, hard working... - Shut up, she's a servant! - Maid! - Servant! - It would be a big savings for the house, no? - Have you thought about the children? Yes, I thought about them. She loves them and she is like a mother to them! Shut up! I can see that you're just an "old fart"! Enough, Mom! Stop it, we're done, okay? I'm not a child! When we're talking, treat me serious.. ...or we don't talk anymore! - Shut... - Mom, you're not feeling well? - I'm dying, shut up. You're killing me. - You're scaring me... - Shut up... - Adele, Mom is feeling bad! Enzino... What's wrong? What did you see? Mom, right? - I've heard what you said. - Mom? - Yes, mom is dead. She was crying because she wanted her little boy. She suffers because you don't want her as much as before. I want my mommy! I want my mommy! Cry harder, call mom! - Mamma! Mamma! Mamma! - Scream stronger! Enzino! What's wrong? - I want my mommy! - Enzino, what... - What happened ? - He said he had dream about mother. - Mom! - Enzino, what's wrong? - I don't want you, I want mom! I don't want you, I want my mom! - Look, mother... - Shut up! - Mamma, it's the first time... - It never happened before, even the first few days! - Shut up! What do they do? Angelina, call them! They're coming down. Why do you want to leave? She will be sad, poor old woman! Tell her we had to leave early and didn't want to wake her up. - Do not worry I'll call. - Maybe she is awake, she never sleeps! I passed in front of her door and I've heard snoring! - Come on, move. Where have you been? - In the bathroom. You're always in the bathroom! Move! From morning till the evening in the bathroom! - What do you do? - Can't you see? I'm leaving! - Can I ask why? - You did everything to make me go! - Aren't you glad? - Me? What have I done? Creating Enzino's nightmares, the ghost of your mother! I understand! You'ver turned Enzino against me! Do not worry! I don't want to steal your mother's place! - Angela, don't go! - Oh, no? - So, can you tell what do you want from me? - Nothing. Nothing. Dad, you don't understand anything about football and you'll never understand! "I understand nothing" - genius spoke! Here, no one understands anything! The Americans play Italy! They have to go after the ball! But what they are doing? They are wrong! - Goal! We have them! - The game is not over yet. That's better! Milk is the best for boys your age! Best? What are you talking about? I do not understand! You don't? And last night, in front of TV? Have you already forgotten? What was that nonsense you wanted from me. - What is this? - Don't pretend you don't understand? With all those disgusting magazines you hide? - Leave it, you'll break it! - It doesn't rub? What do you care if it rubs? If you wouldn't put it on, wouldn't you be freer? Wouldn't you feel better? That's my business! It's better if you don't you put it on. Do not wear it tomorrow, okay? Ninuzzo, listen to me... Enzino, wake up! Wake up, Enzino! Mama is back! Wake up, there's mom! Why don't you scream? - Son of a bitch! - Fuck off! Mamma! I don't wear it, I did as you wanted. - Bravo. Now I want you - Just now, eh? Stop it! - I want you to take off your panties. - Leave me alone, cut it out! I want you to have nothing underneath. Only the dress! I'll do as I want! And you sleep tonight and let other sleep! Have I explained clearly? - It's all right? - Yes. Could you pass me to the book, please? - Me? - Yes. When I get up on a ladder I get dizzy. Dizziness! It's a thick book with the green cover. - What are you doing? - Nothing, I'm holding the ladder. - This one? - No. I think I was wrong. - The other one, with the red cover. - Red, eh? Tthis? Maybe you're wrong again, huh? - Yes, maybe. - And this one, then? Is this... or this...? Or is it? Now tell me, is this the book you want to see? Are you happy? Want more? Fucking coward! Mamma! Mamma! Be gently. The souls of the dead are very susceptible. Slowly. It should be here. In the hall, above the entrance. Her blessed soul can be seen and remembered by all arriving home. - Here is where she belongs. - I have to make the connections to the power but there is no outlet. - Find one. Hurry up, then go to the store. - Here comes the visioner! Did you sleep well? - Wait. - Leave me alone! Disgraceful! What are you doing? Is that how you answer? Look at that... The... - You should not do that! - I am in despair. I can't take this anymore! I'm going to see Don Cirillo and talk to the boys in front of him. - And if they are convinced, you will be convinced... - Okay. But it would be better to think, wait. Why should I wait? They are already grown up! You only live once. And when one is dead should stay dead! Is that clear? No. She is an exquisite person. - Have you had any difficulties? - No, no. - Were you able to talk? - I spoke with her. - She just doesn't talk to me! She is an honest woman. Now all we need is to persuade my mother. - Your mother? What do you mean? - You haven't talked to my mother? No. Before I talk to your mother, which is a holy woman but a little argumentative... - Shit, very argumentative! - I have to know what I'm going to sell her. Look, Angela is a girl who is as clear as a glass of water! But you are in a hurry to drink it! I understand that very well because you do not have many cartridges to shoot! Look, I'm still a man of integrity! Yes, yes, but you're not a youngster and then there're your children. And your mother is right to make sure that the boys get along with Angela. - They get along very well. I'm telling you! - All of them? Even Enzino? Especially. When he wakes up at night he calls: "Angela, Angela"! - And if she doesn't come... - He pisses in the bed! Ignazio, here at stakes is yours and her happiness. And especially that of the boys and any future children. - Right, with God's help! - Naturally, because it's alone... Please, Cirillo! Would you to talk to my mother? First I want to talk to the boys. Come on, I've got a little hungry. Dear boys, you should be aware of the situation of your father. He's still a young man and has three devils to put up with without the presence of a female hand, without a wife. I think his decision to take as a wife Angela La Barbera which, moreover, has incredible knowledge of cooking! - This dish is wonderful! - You see, he likes it. I think this is correct and well thought decision. And I approve it unconditionally! Although it is logical to expect that this decision is to be made with joy of all of you with everybody's consent. - Because with this beautiful dove your father not only marry for himself. - No? ...but also catches "mamma"! - For me, I'm happy if Dad is happy. - Dad is very happy! We are fine with Angela. We got used to have her at home. - And you, Ninuzzo, are you happy? - Angela, for me... Is not... - Is not? - Because I see Mom at night! - What are those occurrences of his mother? - They are only fantasies, dreams! Wait a minute. Tell me, Ninuzzo... It is not like a dream. I see her as I see you now. - What does she say? She talks? - No, she doesn't talk. She cries. - She always cried! - Shut up! - No, she is stopping me. Prevent me from doing what I'd like to do. He saw it too. - Is it true that you have seen your mom? - Yes, she was ugly! - More ugly than when she was alive. - Ugly... She was ugly! Are you going to believe in dreams and imagination of children? After everything that you eat this evening! Mother may stop coming to us, we love Angela. Of course you love her! You'd be ungrateful after all she does for you! You can't complain! - Maybe it's better to wait. - More? These boys see the dead mother crying! If I were not afraid of these appearances, I would agree on the marriage. It is not a matter of superstition. But science itself, psychoanalysis. Freud himself... What it has to do with my life? Freud didn't say anything! - You don't have to run! - Good morning. - Ciao, Stefano. - Say hallo to your Dad. - Of course, I will. You could get your face smashed! - Come with me. - Where? - Do you want to have a cannoli? - If you want to. - Sure. - Everything all right? - "All right" what? - In school, all right? - Yes, of course. Thank you. Would you eat one more? Give another cannoli for the boy. - So, all is well? You got spotted. - About last night... - Nothing appeared. Bravo Ninuzzo! Remember that last summer you asked me to buy the scooter? The scooter? You said no. I said no because you were a kid. Now you have grown, and it's give me a satisfaction to buy you one. - I'm no longer interested in that bike. - How's that? - You've done a blizzard because of it! - The bike is dangerous, you were right. - Can you believe it? I was right! - Hello, Ninuzzo! - Hello. - Who was that? - Sister of Porcello. - Hello! - Will you go with her? - Dad, what do you say? - Beautiful girl! You like her? Nino! What are you doing here? What do you want? Don't you see what time it is? Go to your room. Go! Look, if you don't go, I'll call your father. Last night, has been all quiet? All quiet. We hope that this ghost has calmed down once and for all! Tomorrow I'll talk to Don Cirillo again. Wouldn't it be better to wait a little longer. What's the rush? What's the rush? What's the rush? Do I still have to explain. For example, I had always this thought that Nino invented everything because he was obsessed with you. - No. I wanted to buy him a scooter, and he said no. He has not took advantage, gave me a lesson in honesty. Nino, what are you doing? What are you playing? Nino, but what are you doing? Enough! Enough, eh? This is the last one! What should I do? Please! Please! Why do you treat me like this? What have I done? What do you want? Can you tell what you want from me? Do you want to see me naked? If this is what you want from me, see me naked. Eh? I'll get it all! Pick up the paper and let me study. - Stefano! - Ciao. - Ciao. - What are you doing? Waiting for my brother? - Yes - What a beautiful bike! - Is it yours? - Yes - Can you teach me? - But this is a man's bike. - So what? Hold it. Scary! What should I do? Pedaling? - Yes, but slowly. - Slowly. So, good! Do not look at the front wheel. - I'm falling! - Straight! - Oh, God! - Careful. - How hard! - What do you do? - Nothing! - I'm teaching to ride a bike. - But it was her who taught me when I was three! - Bye, I'm going for a ride. - Ma... - She is a bitch, you can say. Look! I brought the gun that I promised. - You like it? - Is it loaded? - How do I know? - But if she wouldn't want to? - She would, she would! - And when, when? - Tomorrow. Daddy's gone to Palermo. - Antonio is going out... - And the kid? - Enzino doesn't count! Now you must do what you promised me. Now? - Are you sure there is no one? - No, Enzino is at a friend's house. - Ma .. - Shut up! - Who says anything? - But where? From small window? - Shut up! - I'll kick your ass! - I'm sorry, I didn't do that on purpose! Where? Coward! He brought a friend! Now I'll get you both to slap! What should I do? Shh! Shut up! Eh! These things you shouldn't do here! Ehhh... - Enough! - Enough? - Get out, out! - Why now? - I've had enough, you disgusting pig! - Go away. - But what's the matter? - You must go, disgusting pig! Disgusting pig? The idea was yours! - Give me back my gun. - Get out! - Let me put the shoes on! - No! Get out! - Give me my coat! - Take it! Why didn't you tell me you wouldn't be alone. You're a liar, a scoundrel. - What difference does it make? One or two... - What do you mean what? - So you've noticed. - Of course I've noticed! - Why did you continue? What do you mean why? - Because you liked. You liked it that we saw you both! You're a whore! I didn't think you were like that! - You're even worse than that slut Luciana! - Who is Luciana? And you know why you brought another guy? I'll tell you! You didn't have the courage to look alone. You're a coward, a kid! - I'm not a kid! - No, eh? - No! Look! - Where did you get it? - That's my business. - You're crazy. What will you do? - Be careful what you say. Shut up? I'm sleepy! - Everything is normal, quiet? - Yes. - I almost went there? - Where? - To see Don Cirillo! - Not yet! - Why not? For more than a week this holy woman shows no signs of life! - It's better to be sure. - Sure of what? Leave it to me. Sorry, I have laundry to do. Margherita, if it makes you more alive... Well, you know what I mean! I'll make 100 masses for the repose! Mylove,my love! How I can bear. Iwouldholdyou untildeath take us both. Idonotmindyour suffering. I do not mind your sadness. Whyarenotyou goingtosuffer? I am suffering. Forgetme! I will be happy when you are dead. Donottorturemesomuch. You talk like you're possessed by the devil. I'm sleepy. These things turn my stomach upside-down! You're right. It's a love story. I thought the same when I was your age... These stories are bored, you know. - Stupid! - Nino! What are you doing here? I saw you doing those tender eyes! You and him are idiots! - Do you care? - No. But I felt so sorry for you. But I liked it! Now go to your room, understand? - Look, if you don't go, I call your father. - And what will you say? That you undressed in front of me? - Call him. - Do not push me! - Call him! Angelina! Angelina,canIcomein? - I'm naked. -Areyou? -Let himin . - Do you need something? - No, no. I mean, new mattress comes tomorrow... - Stand still, you disgraceful! -Letme in ,Iwillnotlook! - Stop it! We'are already a couple. - Leave me alone. -Angelina,canyou hearme? - Yes. Sinceworkersarealsotoredothewalls... Areyoulistening? - Yes, good night. - Good night. Forgive me. We'll talk tomorrow, okay? You see. You didn't let him in. Why is that? Go fuck yourself! - Tomorrow, when you bring the coffee... - Go! When you bring the coffee... - Good morning. - Good morning, Angela. - The children are still asleep? - Yes. Here. - Ah! I wipe it! - Angela! - Sir! - Angela! - What does...? - Please, stop! - I can not! - I can not! - Enough! For heaven's sake, stop! Enough! - Did I hurt you? - Do not worry! - Excuse me! Will you forgive me? I am disgraceful! - I'm sorry! - Sorry. - Have you seen what you've done? - "I'm sorry"! "No, I'm sorry"! You're both idiots! Don't know how to do anything! What a mess! I'm not doing any more remodeling in the house! Here you're eating! Bon appetit, but hurry or you'll be here for a month! - Good morning, sir. - Morning, but hurry. Close the door, otherwise you're going to eat dust and paint today. It will not be worse than the crap I'm swallowing since this morning. But enough, by God! Now I'm going to see Don Cirillo and I'm taking him to my mother. So we'll finish it, with or without her consent! Okay? Eh! Better do not come back tonight, with this crazy weather! -Areyouhappy? -What ? Areyougladthatmothersaysyes? - Yes, yes. Of course I'm happy! -CanIhaveakiss? - How? Now, on the phone? - Give it to me, come on! - You have to give it to me. - No, I can't! -I 'llseeyouathome . - Good night. See you soon. -Hangup. -No, you hangup No,youhangup. - No, you. - No... - Then I hang up! Idoit . - Okay. Bye. Bye,mylove! - Bye. It was your father. He's staying at grandmother's house. Returns tomorrow. - Ah! - Angela is afraid! - Yes, I'm afraid of the dark. - Talking about the brave! - Well, I need to go to... - During this weather? With those few drops! Don't tell Dad I went out this evening. - Okay. Take a raincoat. - Yeah, yeah. Bye. And you go to sleep after "Carousel". Yes, Mom. How are you, Mom! The've made me! Are you angry? - I'm sorry that I'm going to marry your father? - I do not care! - Look it's time to get over with it. - What are you talking about? Oh, the light is gone! Nino! Go get the candle and the matches? Nino! Where are you? Ouch! Do not scare me, you know that I'm afraid of the dark! Nino, where did you go? Take that light away from my face. Turn it off! Nino! Stop playing! Enough! It's not funny, you know? Enough, please. Stop joking! Please! You know I'm afraid! Stop it! Enough! Enough! I'm afraid, stop with this joke. Please, stop it! Stop it, I'm afraid! If I catch you I'll kill you! - What do you do? - Take off your clothes and shut up. This is the last time! Do you understand? You're disgraceful! This whole family is digraceful! You son of a bitch! Disgusting! When I catch you I'll kill you! I'll kill you! But look at me! What I have to do to make you happy! Scumbag, pig, degenerate, son of a bitch! Look what I have to do for this despicable pig! Looked like a good boy! Degenerate, pig! Brought me the flovers! I'll kill you, you know? I'll kill you! I'll kill you! That poor man of your father! Bastard, damn you! You are a coward! See what you make me do! You make me a whore! You wanted to see me naked? You have seen it all! The tits, pussy, everything! What else do you want? Damn! I'll make you pay! It's that what you like? - Give it back! Stupid! - No, now I play with you! You're screwed! Come and get it! You lost your courage? - Give me the flashlight immediately! - How? You don't want to play anymore. Come here, Ninuzzo! No, I will not come and you'll give it back to me right away! - How? Come here, let's play. - I'll tell my father. Son of a bitch, now I got you! Just play, Ninuzzo! Now you'll see what Angelina will do! What are you doing? What do you do? Fuck, you son of bitch! Fuck! Fuck, my boy! My boy! Yes! Fuck! My boy... Yes! My boy, yes! - Angela... - My love! I do not want to go to school! Look, there is Dad! - I'm not going back in the car with you! - I'm emotional! - Dad! -Hello! - The grandmother has given us her blessing. - Now we wait only for your answer! - Dad... Mom was back last night! - Shit. - What did he say? - That the mother returned. Whore! - Are you sure you did not get it wrong? - I'm sure. - She was glad that you're marrying Angela. - You couldn't say this before? - Ignazio! - Dad, you die too? - You should feel happy and content. - Finally! -Howbeautifulshe is! - Looks like an angel! Ican'tbelievethatshewasamaid. Whynot? It seems... No,sheis beautiful,elegantandclassy. Course,sheis muchyoungerthan him! Somethirtyyears! - When Angela dies? - What say you, stupid? - Shut up! - Ignazio La Brocca would you take as your lawful wife... - "...would you take as..." - Shhh! May I say that I? - Oh, sorry! - ...present here Angela La Barbera... - Yes. - ...according to the rite... -Yes. - ...according to the rite of the Holy Church? - Yes. Yes. And you Angela La Barbera, do you take as your husband Ignazio La Brocca... - ...according to the rite of the Holy Church? - Yes. Join your hands together! So... See you tonight? Shh! I do not know. - I take care of the boys - I got it! This is the cousin Piera, the wife of Matteo. - Children, we have to go to now. - Signora Corallo, can I sleep at your house tonight? Until I get back, you are the master of the house! Nino! Enzino, come! Please behave yourselves. Antonio, kisse Angela. You too, Nino, give Angela a kiss. Now you have to call her mom. Got it? Congratulations, Mom. Translated by Yafi. JAGA BKS! MALICIOUS Stop that, it's not nice when your mother is sleeping. She's sleeping? You mean she isn't dead? - Can I play here, Antonio? - No. One, two, three, four... Didn't you hear me, I said no. What does it mean when they say that widow Coralo has the most beautiful ass in Catania? - What did you say! - I wasn't the one who said it. - Papa said it. - Papa? Yes, I heard him when I was upstairs. Can you explain what the hell it means? When did you hear that? Today? You have the kindest heart in Catania. What would I do without you? Please! Between us, Vito, ... - ... Margarita, she was like a sister. - My poor... - Another one? Mama is dead, mama is dead, mama is dead... Who is it? - Is that you, Nino? Let me in! - Will you go away! I want to play in there. I can't play in here because Antonio won't allow it! No one will let me play because mama is dead. So where can I play? I can't even play in the toilet. I want to play! I'm going down to the store. I have to finish the inventory. This is the time of year to take inventory. I know I shouldn't mix business with pleasure. What can I say? One must do what is needed. - If you'll just look after things here. - Don't worry, I'll take care of things. I'll take care of the deceased. What misfortune! Poor little... - Pipino! - What heartache! You must be brave! How could this happen? I just woke up and found her dead at my side. - What a pity! - Who could have imagined... - Poor Margarita! - Thanks! - What should I do? - Go in there and pray. - Margarita would have liked that very much. - Yes, but I can pray right here. - Will Matteo come directly to the cemetery? - I don't know. Come on, let's hurry! I can't stay closed for a month. - This ls full of moths. Should I throw it away? - Throw it away? Are you insane? - We'll put it on sale. - My condolences, Cavaliere. - I can't find a piece of canvas. - Keep looking. What do you want me to do? I'm sorry, but this fabric is stained. Should I put it on sale? What do you mean sale? Send it to the cleaner. - What are you doing? - Measuring the cloth. - Measuring with your arm? - Yes, it's much quicker. You mean finish my money quickly! What do you think it measures? - 80. - Now let's measure with the meter stick! One. Two. Three. It's 45! Idiot! You want to ruin me? - I was just making a quick estimate... - You think you're a normal person? You have an arm as long as a train platform! You need to use the meter stick. It's measured by the meter, pin head! Now hurry up! We have to get finished. On Monday I mean to open the shop. Okay? I'm the one that has to think about the living. - Queen of the Angels! - Pray for us! - Queen of the Saints! - Pray for us! - Queen of the Prophets! - Pray for us! - Queen the Apostles! - Pray for us! - Immaculate Queen. - Pray for us. - Queen Confessor. - Pray for us! - Virgin Queen! - Pray for us! - Queen of All! - Pray for us! What's going on? - What have you done? - Give me my ball! I want my ball! Give it back! Rest in peace! - Margarita was an exemplary mother! - Rest in peace! - With a pure heart! - Rest in peace! - Overflowing with the light of love. - Rest in peace! One, two, three... Stop that! Be still! You see that, Nino? That's the most beautiful ass in Catania. Showing love in any situation. Solving each inevitable family crisis. - Rest in peace! - Her husband weeps beside me now! One thing is certain. She provided a perfect example in life and is now enjoying the ecstasy of God! No need to be so dramatic! - Margarita is not dead! - What do you mean? She is dead! She'll never leave the home that was hers! She will always be there. There won't be a room in the house without the warmth of her heart, without her peaceful, domestic spirit. She will be a guardian angel for her loved ones ... - ... through their pain and despair. - A prisoner in every room ... The ways of God are beyond knowing. Rest in peace, Margarita, until Judgment Day. Thank you, it was my pleasure! Thank you for everything, signora! What are you ringing for, idiot? There's no one there. - Good evening, Cavaliere. - Good evening. - May we... ? - Come in! - My deepest sympathy, signore. - Thank you. Sorry, I waxed the floors. They were so dirty. - Look at that, it's clean everywhere! - I took the liberty to put things in order. I threw out the flowers. They were beginning to smell. I opened the windows to let in some air. You did well, thank you! Excuse me, but who are you? The agency sent me over to see about the job here. The lady made the request three days ago because she needed a maid. I thought you were the daughter of Margarita's cousin. The one that lives in the hotel in front of the railroad station. - What is his name again... ? - I don't know! - Matteo! - I'm called Labarbera Angela! I hope you don't mind that I prepared dinner. Is that alright? - The girl is a saint, really. - She's from Lentini? - No, Calsecherone. The house shines. She's put everything in order. She's so polite and clean. I tell you, Argentino you can't find a speck of dust in the house. If you find any, I'll pay you a million lire. You know what amazes me most? It's all the clothes I didn't know I had. All the underwear, all the socks... One moment, Argentino! I have to show you this. Have you ever seen so many socks? They're all put into categories. Silk, cotton scented with fragrant flowers. Scented with flowers! She thinks of everything. - You're quite lucky! - I know who sent her. I must thank you, Margarita. You sent this saint to take care of us. The minute you arrived in heaven you sent her. Even before you had time to unpack your bags. One more thing. The thing that Don Cerillo said, about your soul and spirit needing to stay in our house. There's no need for that. You can rest in peace right here. And as for the house, leave it to Angelina. After all, you sent her to us! Here we go... It's like ice! You let the water run? - It's nice and cold, ma'am! - Bravo! Now, Gambino... - You washed your thing in there? - It's still cold. - He put his thing in the glass... - He put his thing in the glass... Stop it! Silence! If I had a father with a store like yours, I'd quit school and work there as a salesman. You know what my father said? Without a diploma, you can't even sell peanuts. - Your father graduated? - Yes, from junior high school. - Nino! Come on up ... quickly! - I'll be right there. - Nino, who was that? - The new maid. - She's really sexy! - You think so? Lucky you! My mother doesn't want to upset my father, so our cook is 100 years old and our maid looks like a man. Wouldn't you agree that I'm really unlucky? - You'd just end up masturbating all the time. - Ciao! - Have you ever tried it with her... ? - You only think about one thing. Ciao! I can't see a thing on this TV. Nothing wrong with the TV. It's the wind. You see? It's the wind moving the antenna. Now we're beginning to see something. There! That's a good picture! - Hold still... - Angelina! Will you give me a bath tomorrow morning? - I don't think so... - That's enough Antonio! Shut up, you idiot! Hey, what's going on? Stop the fighting! What's the matter? And what's with shaving every morning? Have you become a blue beard? - You little... - That's enough. Shut up! Hurry! Throw me the ball! Attack! Don't let him get away! Nino, why aren't you at school? - I fell down on my way. - What happened? - It's nothing. - Come in! Don't be upset, it's only iodine. I'll stop it from stinging. - Better put your hand over it! - Over the wound? No... between your legs. It will be in the way when I bandage you. - Angela! - Eh? - Don't say anything to papa! - Don't worry. I won't say anything. It will be our secret from the others. Does it still hurt? - She really did that? - Yes, of course! - And see saw you? - Yes, of course. - Naked? - Yeah... And then what happened? Tell me! - She touched me there! - Fuck! What luck... It means that she's in our power now! - How did you get in on this? - Why don't you order her to do it with both of us? No, you're crazy. Absolutely not... no! - If I let you have a look at Luciana? - I can see your sister any time I'm over here! - Naked? - When? Wait! Let me check... Look! What's this? Does she always sleep with the door open? She's not really asleep. She just pretends so you can look. Why does she do it? It's because she's a whore! All women are whores. - I don't know. You can't really see much. - Wait, it gets better! - What are you doing? - Footstep sounds... - But you'll wake her up! - That's the point... See! Come on angel, do pee! Okay! Now you can go back to sleep. - And then... ? - She was too tired. - You really did it three times? - Of course! Did she scream with passion? Tell me, Nino, did she scream? Nino... pay attention! Don't you want to tell me? Nino! - Is your sister crazy? Dancing by herself! - She's totally crazy! You know that. - Now, tell me all the details! - What's there to tell? I was completely overwhelmed! Forget the details. Just tell me the erotic part! If you give me the gun, I'll tell you! Okay, I'll give you the gun if you let me watch next time. - Get lost! - You're a degenerate. - Look at this! - Leave me alone! - I won't do it for you. You're a degenerate! - Please! No, no, no! You're just a pervert. That's what you are! Dance! How can you dance? You're so stiff, you're like a broomstick! What are you doing? What are you looking at? Tell me, are your brother and father doing dirty things with the maid too? Idiot, my brother is a fool, and my father is too old. My father is old, but has a mistress in Palermo and Naples. And the one in Milan! Do you watch them do it? Of course I can't watch them while I'm at school. So go fuck yourself! And your sister fucks anyone who'll have her. What's going on? What's wrong? What's up with the boy? He's not feeling well. He has an upset stomach, poor boy! Does he have any fever? - No, it's nothing serious. - What do you think, should we call the doctor? No, he just needs to rest. You'll see, after a day of rest... I know what's causing it. It's those cigarettes. I know he's been sneaking out for smoke. He's going to be sorry when I catch him at it. What's wrong, Ninutso? Didn't you do your homework and don't know your lesson? Don't you want to tell me? Is it that you are lonely? Are you in trouble with your friends? I'll help you this time, but you mustn't get me into trouble. You're not running a temperature. I know that. You had a 36.2. Nino, won't you tell Angelina? You know, young man, that I'll send you to school tomorrow, even if you have a fever of 40. Understand? - What are you doing, peeping? - Who, me? No! - Get away from there! - But, Angelina, ... - ... I have to exercise, don't I? - I know what you're exercising! What's this? What are you doing there, you rotten kid? Pushups, papa! I'm required to. I know what you're looking at! - You dirty-minded slob. - But, papa... Okay, I admit it. I was peeping too. She's in my head, even though I try to keep her out. Margarita, she's cast a spell on me. Maybe you don't believe it... She's so damned beautiful, so feminine! You understand? - Enough of that... - Your pastry, Cavaliere! - Ah, how nice! Bravo! - You take them! Do I have your leave to go? Go, don't keep your boyfriend waiting. What boyfriend? I don't have a date. I'm going to the movies with my aunt. I can't believe a pretty girl like you doesn't have a boyfriend. I'm a girl with special tastes! That's the truth... a special taste! - Mr. lgnazio... Mr. lgnazio! - Mrs. Ines! - How are you? - Mr. lgnazio what a pleasure to run into you. What can I say, Mrs. Ines? Children, work... Of course! I decided to renew my wardrobe. I thought it was time to put up the mourning clothes. You're right! Our grief belongs in our hearts and not in our clothes. Come to the store whenever you are ready, Mrs. Ines. We just got in a great new collection. I really prefer shopping at home where I don't feel that we're rushing. And you can help me to choose. Perhaps you could drop by my place and we could have a whiskey? Give me advice. Help me pick things out. Bring some samples and we'll look at them together. - Yes we'll do that soon! - It's a deal... - Angela! Look, Angela! - What are you trying to do? - Did you hurt yourself? - I slipped. Excuse me for laughing! Don't eat with your fingers. It's bad manners! Look what you've done! Your stupidity will cost me a year's salary. - The arm will be good soon, papa! - Yes, but will your mind, moron? - Wa, wa, wa... Antonio the baby! - Shut up, idiot! - Antonio wants to eat! - That's enough. The lease was granted in March 1548, in the same month that the war with Austria started. On July 25th it was kicked in the ass, and it's forces were beaten. That commander should have stayed in bed! Come on Angela! Don't play hard to get! - Antonio... no! - Why won't you come closer... Leave me alone! Stop it or I'll scream! Get your hands off of me! Please let me go! How's the water? Drink up, it's very nice... nice and cold. Did you enjoy the water? - Let me go, idiot! - Please, you mustn't fight! Let me go, you scum! - Free yourself, go ahead! - That's enough... please! No, don't stop. Go ahead, Nino! Give it to him... Shut up! You keep out of this! What are you doing, asshole? Give him a punch in the nose, Nino! Come on, stop that right now! I'll tell papa when he gets home. Beat each other up, that's it! Stop it... and that goes for you, too! Stop it! That's enough! End it! Finish him off! End it! - Give him all you got! Yes! - Stop it! - Faster! - That's it... get out! Don't stop! Teach him how to behave! You don't think that I know what you're after? Our maid is pretty, huh? But you're still a kid. You better keep playing with yourself in the bathroom. But tonight I'm going to her room, and I will be making love to her. What's the matter? Don't be upset, Nlnutso! Antonio is not really bad, just disrespectful. He's not only disrespectful! He's an evil bastard. I'm sorry. I don't want all this arguing because of me. You have nothing to do with it. I like all of you. You know I like you? And I've seen you. You're the one who brings in flowers every morning. I don't know who brings flowers for you. You better go and wash the dishes! What are you looking at, eh? Filthy pig! Will you look at the old bastard? God! I hate them...! Thieves, papa! Thieves! My store! Thieves! Allow me, please! Well, there must be some way to stop the siren? Captain, this has been going on for 3 hours! Even I won't feel safe in my own room tonight. - Please! I made some coffee! - Please, Captain! - Well now, how about... I - Come and... - I really needed a coffee! Thank you, Angela. - My pleasure, Cavaliere. What's this? Don't bother me! Why don't you go back to bed? Did papa put on perfume for the thieves when they come? Enzino, for goodness sake! You and papa put on my new pajamas because you knew the thieves were gonna come, right? - Oh, finally! - I can't believe it. Now that it's over, are you sure nothing has been taken? There doesn't seem to be anything missing. Very strange, they broke the window instead of breaking the safe. It does seems strange. It looks as if the thieves may have been frightened. - Tell me, would you like to fill in a complaint? - A complaint against who? A ghost? Margarita! Now you're doing night work, too? As well as throwing stones! That window cost me 100.000 lire! 100.000 lire! Are you trying to break me, Margarita? I speak this way because I'm upset. Listen to me, Margarita! The living need a little sympathy, some understanding. Please let me have my say once and for all, and we won't discuss this anymore. You know, the sexual act is still an act... Pretty bad, eh! But there are some things I really have to say! - Angela! I need to talk to you, Angela! - Not so loud! Nino... - What? - Nino is working in there. Nino, do me a favor and go down to the store. Tell them you need to take some samples to Mrs. Corallo! - Have her choose whatever she wants. - I have to study, Papa! Why do you have to study now? You never study. You're the one who always hates to study! Tomorrow is a holiday! Study tomorrow! Now, go... We're going to grandmother's house tomorrow! Fine! You can catch up tonight! Must you always argue over every little thing you're asked to do? I'm sick of it! Go on now, and no more arguing! Do as I tell you! - What are you doing here? - Nothing! I was just passing... - Going around spying! - Who's spying? - I'm only visiting a friend. - Yeah, sure! I thought you lived over there? - Yes, but I have to deliver these samples... - Sure, I understand! - Ciao, eh? - Ciao! - Just a minute, Porky! - Eh, what is it? Go over to my house in a few minutes and wait for me there. Okay? No problem... Cheers, Ninutso! Come on... drink up! Pretty, but I'm still not sure... Perhaps with more light on it. This one isn't bad. What do you think? Do you think it might be too youthful... too lively? But when I think about it, I'm really not so very old. How old am I, Ninutso? Tell me. Go ahead... guess! Ah, this is really beautiful. But you can't see the effect. It's lost with all these clothes on underneath. So I really can't tell for sure. What do you say, Ninutso? Better try it on... shouldn't I? - Yes. - I'll just step out for a minute to arrange myself. Don't get impatient! Let me put on some music. You'll like this song. I'll only be gone for a minute, Ninotsu! - I'm back! - What are you doing here? - Your father told me I should help you out. - And you left them alone? I told you to stay there until I came back! - You never do what I tell you! - But I thought I was disturbing them. You know you smell of wine? That's none of your business. Come into the living room. Hurry! Come in and sit down! Tell the lady I'll be back in two seconds! - What lady? Do I know who she is? - Don't worry about it! Wait a minute... what should I ... What should I do? Nino, it's you! - Did you finish your errand, Nino? - Yes. The samples? She had to think it over, so she's keeping them for a while. - Was there some kind of problem, my boy? - No. What... ? Tell me what you... - You're not Ninutso! - That's right! - Who are you? - Baron Pullisi, also known as Porky! - What are you doing here? - I was just passing by. But don't worry ... I can pay. Don't worry! Please, let's not talk about it anymore. - But we must talk about it! - Are you sure? - It will be a wonderful marriage. - But I don't see how. - You just say yes. I'll take care of the rest. - But it's impossible... what will people say? I don't care what people say! Having a mother is the most important thing. She would have agreed! - What about the boys? - The boys will do what I tell them to do. No, no! I'm driving, move over! - Come on, papa! - Do you want to completely ruin this car? - We'll be lucky if we get there tomorrow! - Or the day after tomorrow! Angela! Angela! Enzino! We're going to grandma's and she'll give me a big kiss. Hush up! Listen papa, you never start her in high gear. You're going to ruin the engine! - Like you never ruined it? - I wasn't ruining it! It's my car, and I'll do what I want with it. It works beautifully the way I handle it... - I told you! - Oh, shut up! Camilo! They're here! Get out here, Camilo! Welcome! - Change the gear, papa! - I'll change you... I'm so happy! This is so wonderful! - How are you? Boys! - Adelina... - Adelina, how are you? - Yes... Come give us a kiss. How much you have grown! Growing, healthy... I don't think I've grown any taller, Adelina! It's you who are growing smaller! I'm an old lady, what do you expect! - How is mama? - After 50 years, what do you expect? - Ninutso, what's the matter. You look pale as... - I meant her mood. Ah... her mood! Stormy weather today! - I won't kiss grandma, her breath stinks! - Shut up, don't give me one of those days, stinking breath or not. - I don't want to go! - Shut up! - I don't want to go! - Come on, Enzino! - I said no! - Please... - I don't want to go! Let go of me! - Enzino! Good morning... - Mama... - Where is Enzino? You're so pale Ninutso. ls anything wrong? Cavaliere, I can't find Enzino anywhere! - Where did he go? It's disgraceful! - Is this the new servant I heard about? The truth of the matter... Quiet! She's much too elegant. Very well! Go to the kitchen now and help Adelina! Go! Mama, I would like... - Shut up! Let's go! - Come Antonio! Mama, I don't understand why... Shut up! How many times must I tell you that a wheelchair is for paralytics? I am not paralyzed. I am tired! You understand? Be quiet! You've been quite a naughty boy! Come on, we're going to see your grandmother. No, I do not want to see her because her breath stinks. And besides, you only found me because I was hungry. Well then, just do it for me! Please kiss her! Alright, but only on her nose! - And where was the boy all this time? - He was hiding in the garden. Say hello to grandma! Come on, give grandma a kiss! Be quiet now! Sit down! Eat! That's enough! The next time we come to grandma's I won't bring you along. - Alright, then... now eat! - Go... get out! How are things in your business? Has it failed yet? Whatever you have, you owe it to this land. Yet you show no interest! I'm old, and I won't go on forever. Don't forget, my son, a place like this requires someone to run it. I've been losing money for years investing in that store of yours. These cigarettes today are really terrible. To smoke a straw would... - Mama, I ... - Shut up! Remember, by the age of 50, a true Christian is a Pope or a Sacristan. You're certainly not the Pope! - Yes, I know that, mama. - And remember, I could die any day now. When will you die, Grandma? Tomorrow? Eat, before it gets cold! And remember, children should be seen and never heard in grandmother's home. Please mama, you could show a little more consideration in front of the children. Maybe show a little respect for me? Consideration, respect? Have you ever shown consideration or respect for them... or yourself? - Smoke! - What? A cigarette! My son, although you are silent for now, you know your mother listens. - I'm silent because you keep shutting me up, mama. - Shut up! And when you do speak it's nothing but foolish nonsense. - And you do nothing but foolish things. - I know! - And you're involved with a servant. - Oh really, what servant? You want a companion? Lets face it! Having a servant girl in bed is something most men do. But you... you want to marry her! So what's wrong with that? She's a wonderful girl! She works hard! - Shut up! She's only a servant. - A governess! A servant! What's more, it will mean a big savings to the household. - I'm sure! But have you thought of the children? - I have thought about them. They'll be happier. She loves them all. She is a mama to the children. Shut up! - A stupid little boy who's been snared. - Stop it mama, that's enough! I'm no longer a baby. I'm not a child! Mama, if we're going to talk, treat me like I treat you, or we can't talk anymore. - What's the matter, mama? - You're killing me, understand? Just shut up! Shut up! Making me die! Adela! Mama isn't feeling well. Enzino! Enzino! What's the matter? What did you see? You saw mama, didn't you? I heard you cry out for her! - Mama? - Yes, our dead mother came, and you heard her calling your name! She was crying and wanted her little boy! Her Enzino! She is suffering because of you. She's crying because you don't love her anymore. I want my mama! Mama! - No, you want Angela! - I want my mama! - Go on and scream for mama! - Mama! Mama! - That's it, shout louder! - Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! - What is it, Enzino? - I want my mama! - What's going on? - I want my mama! - Stop crying, Enzino! - I don't want you! I want my mama! I don't want you, I want my mama! I want my mama! - This is the first time he's called for her... - Shut up! - He's never done this before. - Shut up! What are they doing, Adelina? Will you tell them to get moving? They're coming down. Why are you leaving like this? - She'll be so sorry... - Hurry Angela, will we ever be ready to leave? Tell her something came up, and we didn't want to disturb her. But she's only resting, she never sleeps at night anymore, poor old woman! What do you mean not sleeping! I went past her door and she was snoring like a trombone. - Will you move and move fast? Where were you? - I was in the bathroom! In the bathroom? You're always in the bathroom! Morning, noon and night, and he's in the bathroom! - What's wrong? What are you doing? - Can't you see? I'm leaving! But why are you leaving? Why do you ask, when you've done everything to get rid of me? Satisfied now? - Just what have I done? - The store window, and Enzino's fantasies about his mother! You think I don't know what's going on? You managed to turn Enzino against me now. Don't worry about it, I'm not planning to replace your mother. Please, Angela, I don't want you to go! Oh no? Then what do you want from me? Tell me what it's all been for? Nothing! Nothing... Let's turn it off now, because you don't know anything about sports or football. The genius has spoken! No one else knows anything around here. Why isn't he kicking the ball? What is he thinking? Finally, a scoring assist! - Yes, that's better! - He couldn't have done it alone... Drinking milk? That's more like acting your age! Acting my age? What do you mean? Imagine that! He still doesn't understand. Last night, while watching television? Or don't you remember that? There still isn't anything you want from me? What's this? Trying to play innocent? You, with all those dirty books you try and hide? - Put that down! You're going to tear it. - Doesn't it squeeze you? What does it matter to you whether or not it squeezes me? But what if you didn't put it on? Wouldn't it feel a lot better? Wouldn't it be a lot freer? That's none of your concern. I think it's better not to wear it. Don't put it on tomorrow, alright? Ninutso, listen to me... Enzino! Wake up! Wake up! Mama has returned! You dreamed you saw mama and she was crying! Start crying, you little bastard! Go fuck yourself! Mama! I'm not wearing it! Are you happy now? I did what you wanted me to! Bravo! Now I want you to get undressed. Stop it, that's enough! The game is over! I want you to take your panties off now! Leave me alone, Ninutso. That's enough! I want you to go without anything at all under your dress! I'll wear whatever I please! Please try and sleep tonight! And let me get some sleep too! Do I make myself clear? - Is this alright? - Yes, will you get that book down for me, please? - Me? - Yes... Whenever I climb a ladder I get dizzy! Hmm! Dizzy... I think it's the big one with the green cover! - What are you doing? - Nothing! Holding the ladder! - This one here? - No, I guess I made a mistake. Sorry! I think it's the other one, with the red cover. Red? Is it this one? Perhaps it's a different color? - Yes, a different color! - Could it be this one? Or this one? Or this one? Or this one? Or this one? I'll tell you which one it is. Here's the book you wanted to see! No, I didn't take them off! Satisfied? Is that alright? Anything more I can do? Bitch! The rotten cow! Mama! Mama! Be careful. Do this gently, the souls of the dead are very sensitive. This is where she's going. Here in the entrance! Here where everyone coming into the house can look at the saint, and see her blessed face. There, that's where she'll stay! - That's it, Cavaliere. I just need to connect it! - Yes, now you have to install the light! - But I don't have the plug I need. - Go downstairs and get a plug. But please, hurry up! You have to be at the store. Well here's our missionary! Did you sleep any better last night? - Just a second! - Leave me alone! You're a disgrace! Where did you learn that? Back in the schoolyard? I'll teach you manners... I'll break your neck... Ciao! Was that necessary? I'm getting desperate! I don't know what to do anymore! I'll have to go get Don Cirillo, and talk to the boys in front of him. If they think it's alright, then it won't be so bad. But it's impossible like this! Yes, but maybe it would be better to think about this some more... to wait a while... Why wait, Angelina? I'm waiting! And I'm waiting! I'm in the prime of life here. Why wait? The fact is, you only have one life to live! And when you're dead... you should remain dead. Is that alright? No, I had a talk with her. - Did you have any trouble? - No, no trouble! - Trouble getting a word in? - I did all the talking. - I'm the only one she shuts up all the time! - And I must say she is totally honest. Without all that honesty my mother wouldn't have anything to say! - What does your mother have to do with this? - What... didn't you go and visit my mother? No, I spoke with your mother after I had a talk with the girl. Your mother thought she seemed a bit indecent! - Fuck! What's a little naughtiness? - Let's see what more you can tell me. What more do you need to know, Cirillo? Angela ls a good women. Pure as a glass of water. One you shouldn't be in a hurry to swallow! But don't misunderstand me. I can appreciate the fact that you're in a hurry. After all you can't have too many more arrows in your quiver, huh? Don't worry about the arrows, okay? There nothing wrong with me on that score. Yes, but you also have to think about the children! They're just boys. Your mother ls worried about them not getting along. Don't worry, that's only natural. They get along, I tell you. They get along! Okay, what about Enzino? He would wake up crying in the night and call for her to come! Angela! Angela! - Do you know what he does if she doesn't come? - He pees in the bed. Happiness for the two of you, but their future is at stake as well. Above all, you have to think about is the boys. - You have the children to raise... - Of course! With God's help. Naturally, since your boy is so good... Would you please do me a favor and go to talk with mama? I want to talk with the children first. Now let's go, I'm hungry... My dear boys, you must understand your father's situation. After all he's still a young man. Understand that it's hard to continue to raise three boys like you without the help of a women! Without a wife. You know that he wants me to marry Angela Labarbera. I meant to marry him to Angela! What a wonderful cook! - This meal is delicious! - It shows how much she cares for us! It seems to me that this is a wise decision. Well considered. - And I approve of it absolutely! - As do I! However, in order for us to be completely certain, this decision must be gladly received! - I understand! - This must receive everyone's approval... It's not just your father who's marrying this beauty. - But I am the only one! - Of course only you will marry her their new mama! This is fine by me, as long as papa is happy. - Your father is happy! - We all get along very well with Angela. We're used to having her around the house. I'm totally in favor of the idea. Bravo! That's the response of a real man ... - Ninutso! - Are you happy with this, Ninutso? - Angela would be fine for me, if it weren't for... - If it weren't for what? My mother appears to me in the night... - He sees visions of his mother? - They are only fantasies, dreams! Just a minute... Tell me about it, Ninutso! What does... I don't see her in dreams. I see her, the same way I see you now. But what does she do? Does she speak? What does she say? - No, she doesn't speak, she just cries. - It makes sense that she never stopped crying! - Shut up! - No, she just stops me... from doing what I want. - But Enzino saw her too! - Have you also seen your mother, Enzino? Yes, I saw her. She was ugly. She was uglier than when she was alive. She never was a beauty ... How can you believe all this? They're the dreams and fantasies of children! Perhaps. After all they eat in the evening, it's likely they had nightmares... Maybe there's a chance that mama will never come and see us again. I like Angela very much! Of course you like Angela very much, after all she does for you... But what about the... ? To be more precise, sir, the boys see their mother in death. If I don't see any more appearances, I'll agree to the marriage. Forget that, it's just a superstition. The Church has moved beyond that. But there is science to consider. Psychoanalysis... Freud. Who's this Freud? My life is my concern, not his! Lets say nothing about this to Freud! What's the big hurry? - You don't have to run to your papal - Hello, Cavaliere! - Ciao! Say hello to your fatherl - I'll be sure to do that! - Ciao, Nino! See you! - See you! It's dangerous, you can trip and hurt yourself! - Come with me! - Where? - Would you like something to eat? - If you do! Of course I do. Let's go! - So, is everything alright, Nino? - Is what alright? I mean at school, is everything alright? - Everything's fine! - You want another one? Give me another! So Ninutso, tell me... Look how dirty we both got! - I mean last night! - You mean if I saw mama? No! No apparitions! Bravo! Bravo, Ninutso! Tell me Nino. Do you remember that moped you wanted last summer? Yes, the moped. But you said no. I said that because you were a little boy then. Now you've grown, I'm proud of you and I want to buy it! Yes, but I'm no longer interested! I don't want it! What do you mean you don't want it? Why don't you want it? You said it was dangerous, and you were right. Now you admit it! I was right? - Hello, Ninutso! - Ciao... - Who is she? - She's Porkys sister. - Have you been dating her? - Stop... what are you talking about, papa? She is a pretty girl! Do you like her? Nino, what is it? What are you doing here? What do you want now? It's very late, Nino! Go to your room right now! Go on! Get out! Do you hear? Go on, or I'll call your father. And last night? Was everything alright? Everything was peaceful. Maybe it's all over with the apparitions. Once and for all. You know what I think I'll do? Tomorrow I'll speak with Don Cerillo again! But, don't you think it may be better to wait a bit longer? There's no rush. No rush? Do I have to explain it again? They've all settled down now! Take Nino for example! I thought that he invented the story about the apparition, ... - ... because he had something against you. - No. I even wanted to buy him a moped and he turned it down. Understand? He wouldn't take it! He gave me a lesson in loyalty. Nino, why are you doing that? What are you doing, Nino? Nino, stop that! Nino, that's enough! Stop it! That's the last one! What are you trying to do? Stop it now! What have I done? What do you want? Could you please tell me what you want? You want to see me naked? Is that what you want from me? All right, I'll take my clothes off. Completely undressed. Just clean up and let me study! - Stefano! - Hello! - Hello! - I guess you're here to see my brother? Yes . What a pretty bicycle! - Is it yours? - That's right. - Teach me to ride it? - But this one's for men! So what... ? Hold it a second! I'm so scared! How do I make it go? The pedals? - Yes. Slowly! - Easy! That's it! Don't look at the wheel! Look straight ahead! - I'm going to fall! - Go! Go! Oh, God... Careful... - What are you doing? - Nothing! I'm teaching her to ride a bicycle, that's all. - She taught me when I was three years old. - Ciao! I'll be right back... - She told me she didn't know how! - She is aggravating... the big bitch! Look! I brought the pistol as I promised. - Do you like it? - Is it loaded? I don't know. Listen, I'm letting you have it now, but what if she isn't there? No, she'll be there. You'll see. - But when do we do it? - Let's say tomorrow. - Papa's going to Palermo, and Antonio ls going out. - How about the kid? No, Enzino doesn't count. You have to do what you promised me now. Now? - Are you sure no one else will see her? - Enzino is at a friend's house. Shut up, don't talk! - Where are we going? To the window? - Shut up! Be careful! Be quiet or out you go! It wasn't on purpose. Now what? The little coward! He brought that kid. I ought to slap his face! What should I do? Be quiet! Hey! Cut that out or you go! Is that what you want? - All right, that's it! - What do you mean that's it? - That's it! Get out! - But why right now? Disgusting slob! Go! - What's the matter? - You're what's the matter! - Get out of here right now, you filthy pig! - Disgusting slob, filthy pig? After all, it was your idea! - And the gun you took from me... I want it back! - Get out! - Give me a second! I have to put my shoes on! - Put your shoes on when you get home! - Get out! - Give me my coat! Now go! Why didn't you tell me your friend was going to be there? You're a miserable liar, that's what you are. - What's the difference? One or two? - What do you mean, what's the difference? - You went along with it! - Of course I went along with it! - So why didn't you stop? - What do you mean by that? I'll tell you why you didn't stop. You loved displaying yourself like that for us! You're no better then a prostitute! I didn't think you were like that! - Much worse than that slut, Luciana! - Who is Luciana? And you know why you brought your friend along? It's not hard to explain. It's because you didn't have the courage to watch it alone! - You didn't have nerve enough, you're a baby! - Who's a baby? - You're not, eh? - No. - Look! - Where did you get the pistol, Ninol? A friend of mine! - Are you crazy? What do you plan to do with it? - You just better watch out! Be quiet! I'm trying to sleep! - Is everything normal? All is quiet? - Yes, everything's peaceful! - Well, I've decided to go! - Go where? - What do you mean? To Don Cerillo! - Isn't it too soon still? How can it be too soon, Angelina? It's already been a week since the holy saint of the lady showed any signs of life. But just to be really sure... Sure of what? Just leave it to me. I'll take care of it, my darling! - Excuse me, I have something on the fire. - Yes. Listen, Margarita! I promise you, if you don't come to life again and can understand me, I swear to you, I'll have a 100 masses recited for your soul. How can you stand by me, my love? I'd like to embrace you until we're both dead. Your suffering doesn't matter to me. You think I care about your pain? If I hate you, you'll remember me! - Does it please you when I'm miserable? - Stop torturing me with your foolishness! Are you possessed by demons that make you talk to me this way? I don't know! This stuff is so idiotic! It makes me sick to my stomach. You're right, it's a love story... And at your age... It's boring for children! I understand. - Stupid! - Nino! What do you want now? You think that I didn't see you two making eyes all night long? You're a couple of fools! Why does that matter to you? It doesn't matter to me! But you must feel like a hypocrite! That's my concern. Just go to your room! Understand? - Would you like your father coming in here! - And you'd like that? I'll tell him while you're making eyes at him, you're also stripping in front of me! - Call him! Go ahead! - You think I'm afraid? Call him, then! Angelina! Angelina, may I come in? - I'm sorry, but I've undressed! - Are you naked? Let him come in! Did I forget something? ls there anything you need? I wanted to tell you that there's a man coming tomorrow and... Stop, don't do that! Why won't you let me in Angelina? I won't look at you! - We're already engaged! - Leave me alone! - Angelina, do you hear me? - Yes, I can hear you, Cavaliere. Since the man is coming to work on the wall... Are you listening to me? Angelina! Yes, of course, Cavaliere. I'll see you in the morning! Good night! Good night! Excuse me, you know... Good night, Angelina! I'll discuss it with you in the morning! Why didn't you... ? You missed your chance. What's the matter? I'll get you for this! - Tomorrow, when you bring in his coffee... - Get out! When you bring in his coffee... - Good morning, Cavaliere. - Good morning, Angela. - Are the boys still sleeping, Angelina? - Yes. It's nothing! I'll clean it up! - Angela! - What are you doing, Cavaliere? - Angelina! - Stop, please! I can't stop! Stop, Cavaliere! - Stop! - Angelina! Stop! Stop! Stop! - Did I hurt you? - It's my fault, Angelina! - I'm sorry! - Look what I did! I'm a disgusting old man! I'm sorry! - Well, you saw what happened, didn't you? - I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Neither one of you knows how to do anything. You're a couple of idiots acting like that. All this confusion. What a madhouse! Where the hell have you put everything? Here's the food! Bon appétit! Try to hurry it up, eh! It'll be a month before you're finished! - Good morning, Cavaliere! - How are you! Let's go! Hurry! Hurry! Please close the door, Cavaliere, or we'll all be eating plastic and paint for lunch. It can't be any worse than the shit I've been swallowing all morning. It's become impossible now! I intend to see Don Cerillo and drag him to my mother's! So that everything is finally settled. And that will be it. Once and for all! With or without her consent! We'll marry! Alright? Yes, I understand. It would be better not to return tonight in a storm like this. - Are you happy? - What? - About my mother's consent! - Of course I'm happy. - Then give me a little kiss. - What, right now, on the telephone? Come on, give me one! - Call me "darling". - Don't ask me to say that, I'm not used to it! - I'll see you at home! - Good night, now! - You hang up! - No, really I can't! - Now hang up! - Okay, I'll hang up! - I'll hang up now! - Goodbye! What a storm! It was your father. He'll stay at your grandmother's and return in the morning. What a storm this is! Angela is afraid of the storm! - Yes, and I'm afraid of the dark. - That's enough! - Well, I think since father isn't here... - In this terrible rain? It's hardly raining at all. But don't tell papa that I went out tonight, alright? - I'll keep your secret! - Thanks! - And put on a raincoat! - Yes, I will! Ciao! And you, Enzino, you're going to bed in one hour! Yes, mama! Anything you say, mama! You're angry with me? What are you angry about? Is it because your father is marrying me? Why should I care about that? - Once I'm married, you have to stop this... - Stop what? What are you talking about? Oh, God! The lights! Nino, would you please bring some candles and matches to the kitchen? Nino! Nino! Where are you? Don't frighten me! You know I'm scared of the dark. Please, the flashlight is pointing right into my eyes, Nino! Don't play games! Nino! Stop the nonsense! Turn it off! Nino! Please don't go on like this! Look, that's enough! Stop, Nino! Please... that's enough! If I catch you I'll spank you! Please, Nino! You know that I'm scared! Stop it! Stop! I'm scared! Stop this game! Please, stop it! I'm frightened! If I catch you, I'll kill you! - Why are you doing this? - Shut up and get undressed! I warn you, this is the last time! Understand? Disgusting child! This whole family is disgusting! Son of a slut! You make me sick! If I catch you, I'll kill you for this! I'll kill you! Look what you're doing! I was so happy, everything was arranged. I was so happy! You disgusting pig! Degenerate son of a whore! Look what I have to do for this little pig! He acted like such a nice boy! Filthy pervert! He brought me roses! I'll kill you! I'll murder you! Murder you! Doesn't give a single thought for his poor father! A disgusting, filthy pig is what you are. You're a rotten, dirty coward! Look what I'm forced to do! See what he's doing to me. Making me act like a whore. You want to see me naked? You wanted to see it all? Breasts, thighs... I'll show myself to you! Here... like this! Is this how you like it? Here I am! Give it back to me! Give it back to me, idiot! No, now I'm going to play! I fooled you, eh! Come and get it. You're not so brave now, are you, Ninutso? Give me back that flashlight right now! - Don't you want to play anymore? - I hurt myself! - Come! Come on! - No, I won't! Give it back! I'm not budging! Return it to me! I'm warning you! Why won't you come here? That's it... come on, come on, come on! I got you, you filthy pig! No more games now, Ninutso! Now you'll see what Angelina can do! - What are you doing? What are you doing? - Harder, you little bastard... harder! Harder! My baby! Harder! Harder! My baby! Yes! Harder! My baby! Yes... My baby... yes! Yes! - Angela... - My love... I don't want to go to school! - Look, it's papa! - You bastard! - I'll never ride with you again... - I was nervous! It was his fault! How are you, Enzino? Let me tell you the news! Your grandmother finally gave her blessing. - I'm hoping for yours! - Papa, I saw mama again last night! Oh, fuck! - His mother came back again! - I'll kill the whore. You're absolutely sure that it was her spirit? I'm sure! And she's very happy that you'll marry Angela, papa! You couldn't have told me right off? - Ignazio! - Papa, are you going to die, too? Ignazio, that's it! You should be a happy man! Isn't she pretty! She looks like an angel! She certainly doesn't look like a maid! What do you mean she doesn't? Of course she does! She's graceful, elegant! She has class! Of course! But you can see she's a bit younger than he is. - Yes, by about 30 years! - Yeah, that's not so much! - When will Angela die? - Don't ask silly questions? Quiet! Ignazio Labroca, will you have this woman, ... - Let me do it! - Sorry! - ... Labarbera Angela, as your wife ... - Yes. - ... according to the rites of Holy Roman Church? - Yes. - Yes. - And you, Angela Labarbera, will you have this man, Ignazio Labroca, as your husband? - Yes. - Give me your right hand! - This is difficult... will you come over tonight? - I don't know! Thus, I unite you in marriage, in the name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. Amen! Amen! - You'll look after the little ones, madam? - Absolutely! I think you know my cousin, his wife Matteo! Children, we must be going now! Mrs. Coralo! Can I come to your house tonight? Don't forget Antonio, you're the master of the house while I'm gone. Come here, Enzino. Be a good boy! Listen to papa! Come on Antonio! Kiss Angela! Nino, you must kiss Angela! Go on! You have to call her mama from now on. You understand? Congratulations, mama! END Adapted from original translation by Lunatico M A L I C I O U S - 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30 ... Enzino! Well then! So? Is that a nice thing to do? With mom who's sleeping? - Why, she sleeps? Isn't she dead? Antonio, can I play here? - No. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... Well? I haven't said yes, I said no. Oof! What does it mean that widow Corallo is the most beautiful ass of Catania? How's that? - It's not me who said it. Dad said so. Dad ! ? - Yes, I overheard him on the landing. Will you explain what the hell that means? But when did you hear him? Today? - Nooo... You're the best heart of Catania. What would I have done without you? Forget it! Both widowed. And then, Margherita was like a sister to me! Poor soul! - Again! ? Mom is dead. Mom is dead. Mom is dead. Mom is dead. Hey! Who is it? Is it you, Nino? Let me in. - Don't bother me! Oof! There, I can't play, because Antonio will not let me. Over there, I can't play because mom is dead. So, where do I play? Not even in the bathroom can I play! Oof! I want to play! I'm going for a moment to the store, to finish the inventory. Hard times, they are! We must combine business with pleasure. What am I saying? Make a virtue out of necessity, right? That's it. Can you give a look? Go down calmly, I'll mind the deceased. What a misfortune, oh my! Peppino! - Ignazio. I still can't realize it. Take courage! How did it happen? The other night I found her dead in bed. Oh, Jesus, my Jesus, what a misfortune! - Huh, we just didn't need that! Poor Margherita! - Thanks. Sir, may I start doing something? - Yes, go say a few prayers to Margherita. She'll be very pleased. - Yes, I can also pray here... Matteo will come directly to the cemetery? I don't know. Hurry up! I can't stay a month! - This bolt of cloth is moth-eaten. Should we throw it away? - Throw what? Put it in the bargains! Concettina! - Here! My condolences. We lack a batiste. Look for it! What else you wanna do? Condolences. This is a stained muslin. We sell it at cost? What cost? Send it to the dry cleaner. What cost price! And you, what you're doing, Lo Coco? - I measure the remnants! And you measure off the cuff? - To be quicker. Quicker to screw me! How long is this, in your opinion? Some 9 feet. - Now we'll check with the yardstick. Where is it? One... two... three... Three and forty-five. Wretch! You want to ruin me. - But, I've seen you doing it. And you'd be a normal man? Your arm stretched seems a crossing barrier. It takes the yardstick! Use that, idiot! Yes. - And wake up, I want to finish within Saturday! I want to open the store Monday, OK? I gotta care also for the living! Oh, Holy Mother! Give me back the ball! I want the ball! Give it back to me! Rest in peace. Margherita La Brocca was an exemplary mother. Rest in peace. A sure guide. - Rest in peace. Shining light of love and piety. - Rest in peace. Enzino! Be quiet, will you? See that, Nino? That's the most beautiful ass of Catania! ..constant and vigilant attention, present and loving under all circumstances. caring closely, and solving, the small, and inevitable, crisis of the family. Rest in peace. - Her spouse is crying. But one certainty supports him. He knows that, if he will manage to follow her shining example of life, sooner or later, he will join her in the glory of the Lord. Well, there's no urgency... But Margherita La Brocca is not dead! - How, she's not dead? She's dead! She will never abandon the house that once was hers. There will be no... time of day, or room in that same house, where her soul will not be present with its sweet linger as a beneficial domestic genie. Guardian, I dare say, of those she has left in pain and despair. Always at home? Well... God works in mysterious ways. Rest in peace, Margherita, waiting to be resurrected on the Day of Judgment. Well, it's been a pleasure. Rest well. Thanks once again for everything, Donna Ines. Why ring, idiot, if there is nobody? - Good afternoon, sir. - Good afternoon Excuse me. - Come in. My sincerest condolences, sir. - Thanks, but... Sorry, I waxed a bit. The floor was dirty, with all due respect. Come and see, it's all clean! I ventured to tidying up. The flowers I threw them, they smelled. The candles are there, can be given to the parish. I gave a little air... You've done well, thank you. But, sorry, who are you? - 3 days ago, the agency told me to show up. The poor lady had made a request, because you needed a maid, right? Oh, that's it! I believed instead you were the daughter of that second cousin of Margherita. The one who lives in Caltanissetta and has a hotel by the station. What's his name? - I don't know. Sure, Matteo! My name is Angela La Barbera. I ventured to prepare some dinner. A consommé, some stew, a salad... Have I done wrong? A saint, she is! - From Lentini? - No, from Caltagirone. I'll tell you, tidiness made person. Delicate, all clean. Look, Agatino, I dare you to find in the furniture a speck of dust, even to pay it one million. All tidied, all perf... Then, you know what amazes me? When ever did I have so many suits? All this underwear? All those... Tino, wait. You have to see it with your own eyes. Tell me if you ever saw so many socks. Not even if I were a millipede. Shirts, scarves... scent of orange blossom. She even puts orange blossoms! But, do you realize? She's able to think of every little thing! - A luck in bad luck! But I know who sent her to me! It's you I have to thank, Margherita. You've sent me this saint, to assist all of us. Just arrived in Heaven, and one can say, without even time to undo the suitcase. Oh, Margherita, one more thing! Regarding that matter... of Don Cirillo, who said that your soul, your spirit, must hover in our house,.. Look, there's no need, you know? Rest in peace here, you. 'Cause... for what concerns the house, it's care of Angelina. Alright? Whom you sent yourself, moreover. Come out! Ice cold! The water. You've let it flow? It's ice cold, ma'am. - Good! Well then... Gambino. Meanwhile, begin to read this phrase. You've bathed the creature? - It's still frozen. He wet his prick in it! - He's dipped his prick there. Enough now! Silence! If I had a father with a store like this, I'd fuck school and I'd stay behind the counter. My father says that without degree you can't sell not even shoelaces. And your father got a degree? - Yeah, the high school diploma. Nino! Come up, it's ready in a minute. Coming right up. Nino, who is that? - The new maid. What a piece of ass! - You say? Of course I say! You're so lucky! My mother doesn't want girls, to spite my father, and so we have a female cook who's 120 old, and a butler. So I take it up my ass, right? It ends up in masturbation anyway! What can you do? - Bye. - Bye, Piglet. But.. but, with her, you've already..? Oh, but you always think about that! Bye. - Bye, Nino. In this TV set you can't see anything. It's not the TV. It's the wind. You see? It's the wind that moves the antenna. There we are. Now we begin to see something. That's it. Now we can see well. Angelina! Will you wash me too, tomorrow? - Stop it, come on! Cut it out, idiot! - What d'you want? What's going on? Even here you fight? Leave him alone. And you, why shave every morning? Playboy! It grows. - Shut up! Mute! Will you hasten? Move it! - Come on, hurry! Pass the ball! Pass it hard! Stay in defence, don't let him kick! Ninuzzo, what's up, you're not at school? - No, I fell while I was going. Jesus! You got hurt? - It's nothing. Come, child, come. Don't worry, it's just iodine. Now I'll blow on it and it will pass. Oh, mother! Put your hand on it. - Where? On the wound? No, on the willy! If not, it bothers me while I bandage. Angela... - What? Listen... You won't say anything to dad, right? - Don't worry, I won't tell him anything. It stays a secret between you and me. It still hurts you? She made that? - Yes, of course. And she saw it? - Sure! - Naked? - Yeah. And then? Come on, tell me. And then? - And then... she kneaded it. - Shit, what luck! Oh, she's in our hands now! And what's it to you? Couldn't you order her to do it at least once for us both? No, no way! And then, not with you. I'll show you Luciana! - Your sister? I always see her, I give a fuck. Naked? When? Wait. Let me check. Look. But what? She always sleeps with the door open? She fakes to be asleep. She likes to be seen. - And why she likes it? Cause she's a whore. They're all whores, aren't they? Not that you see much, though. - Wait, wait. What're you doing? - Stealthy footsteps. But she will hear. - Exactly! Look! Come on, Enzino, little angel. Make a long long pee pee. There! And now back in bed. Good boy! And then, and then? - I was too tired. - But... But, two or three times you've done it? - Sure! Shit! But she, she cried out of passion? Huh, Nino? So, she cried out? Say! Don't get distracted, Nino. Will you tell me, Nino! ? But, your sister's crazy, to dance alone? Yes, you know she's all crazy! Tell me, tell me the erotic details! What shall I tell you? It was overwhelming! Tell me some racy detail, obscene! - I will if you give me your gun. OK, I'll give you the gun, but next time you do it I come see. You're just a degenerate! - Stop it! Cut it out! - What a pain in the ass! Leave me alone! Sorry for you, but you're just degenerate! - Please! - No, you're only a pervert! Come, Ninuzzo. Dance! Why are you so stock-still? You seem a broom stick. What is it? What're you looking at? - Nothing. But your father and brother, they too do dirty things? Idiot! My brother is a jerk, and my father is old! Also my father is old, but has a mistress in Palermo and one in Naples. And one in Milan, of course. - And then, I keep watch on her. Even now you keep watch on her? Even from school? Aw, fuck off! You, and that big slut of your sister! What now? What's up? Huh? What's with this kid? He's not feeling well. Something that hurt his stomach, poor child. He's got a temperature, fever? No, it's nothing, a slight temp. - Shall we call the doctor? It's not necessary, don't worry sir, you'll see, one day of rest... Yeah, he's got nothing! But I know, it's the cigarettes. I know you smoke! Just let me nail you, my dear, and you'll see how you end up! Ninuzzo, what's wrong? You didn't do your homework, did you? You don't know the lesson? You don't want to tell me. What is it? You argued with someone? Something wrong with your pals? Look, for once I'll back you up, but you can't fool me, y'know? You got no fever, you had only 97°. Nino, say something to Angelina! OK, young man. Then tomorrow you'll go to school even with a 104° fever. Understand? But, you're ogling? - Who, me? No! - Move away! Why, Angelina? I'm doing exercises. Yeah, I know which exercises! But who's there? What's up? What're you doing? Boor! Push-ups, dad, what else? - I know what you're after! Pervert, degenerate and son of a swine! But dad... - No buts! Yes, okay, I too was ogling. So there! Because she entered my mind, understand? I can't get her out. Margherita ... Maybe they cast a spell on me? You say no? For sure she's beautiful, she's female! Got it? She's... Suffices Mickey Mouse... - Sir, the pastries. Oh, here you are, good! - You hold them. So, I may go? Yes, go, go, don't make your boyfriend wait! Which boyfriend? I'm going to my aunt's and then we'll go to the movies. Okay, but you're telling me that a girl as pretty as you has no boyfriend? I am hard to please. Oh, yes! Hard to please... Sir! Donna Ines! How goes it? Don Ignazio, it's become a rarity, the pleasure to greet you. What are you saying, Donna Ines? Unfortunately, the kids, the work... But of course! By the way, I decided to renew my wardrobe. I think I can shake off all this black now. - You're right! That's what I say. The mourning is brought in the heart, not in the clothes. Well, when you wish, Donna Ines. When you wish, come to the store, I've received classy things... Actually I wish to choose calmly, that you help me choose. You're a tasteful man. Why don't you come home one afternoon, for a whiskey? So you can give me advice... you can help me. Bring a samples set and we look at it together. Yes, one afternoon. - I'm counting on. Angela! Angela, look! - What're you doing? Jesus! You got hurt? - No, nothing, a small tear. Let me see. Enzino, don't eat with your hands! 90,000 of clinic has cost me this joke! You've gambled a year's salary! Dad, the body must be cared for. - The mind should be cared for, moron! Antonio wants the pap! - Shut up, beast. Maciste wants pap! - Animal! - Cut it out. ... granted the Statute in March 1848 and the same month waged war against Austria. But on July 25 he got it up his ass at Custoza, and was forced to... ..to... Oh! Also beaten at Novara. This Carlo Alberto was always pecked. Ouch! Come on, Angela, don't be silly, come here. - No, please, young sir. Come closer, Angelina, what it cost you? Please. Enough! Leave me alone or I'll scream! Hold it! Don't go out. - Stop, I said. Your hands to yourself! Keep your hands to yourself! Please! And let me! How is it? Good? Drink it! Drink up, it's fresh! Did you like the water? Let me. Let me, asshole! - Please, don't fight! You filthy swine! Get off me! - Who's holding you? Go, go. Cut it out, please! Enough! No, no, don't stop them! Give it to him, Nino, give him more! Hush, Enzino! You too butt in? Great imbecile! What do you wanna do? Nino, more, Nino, punch him on the mouth! Enough! Stop! I'll tell dad when he comes. Enough! Let me see blood! Cut off your ears! - Enough, enough! Shut up! Enough! Stop it! Come on, don't stop! Don't be cowards! Come on! Go on! Like that! Come on! - Enough! Enough! - Don't stop! Enzino, come away, come on. Damn, what a spit! I'll teach you to be cocky! You think I haven't understood you? You'd like to, huh? But you're little, still. Go! Go beat it in the john, you can't do else. I, instead... tonight, I'll go into her room. And I'll screw her! What do you want? Ninuzzo,.. don't be upset. Antonio is not evil, he's just spiteful. No, he's not spiteful. He's a son of a bitch. I'm sorry. I don't want you to fight for my fault. It's not you. I'm fond of you all. And you too. Come on, I saw you! You put the flower every morning. What're you saying? You saw what? Go wash the dishes, it's better. What do you want? What is it? Pig! Look at the old goat! I hate them, hate them, hate them! Thiefs, Dad! Stop thief! My store, murderers! My store! Thiefs! - That'll teach you! Stop thief! Excuse me. But, can't this siren be stopped? You too, sergeant? It's three hours that I hear this mess. Three hours! For sure, from tonight I don't feel safe even in my own room! Here, I've made you some coffee. - Good! Take it, sergeant. For your men, too. - Please! - Russo, Pirandella! - Yes, sir. We needed this coffee! Bravo, Angelina! - My duty, sir. What is this? Don't annoy me! Go to bed, please! Why, when come the thieves, you and Dad put on perfume? Enzino, cut it out! You wear even new pajamas, you and Dad, when thieves come? Oh, at last! - It doesn't even seem true. So then, sir, are you sure they didn't steal anything? It seems to me that nothing is missing. Odd thieves! Breaking a window rather than the lock. Actually, it's very strange. It seems that somebody got scared. Sir... You want to file a complaint? - Against whom, sergeant? A ghost? Margherita! Now we get to do even nocturnal exploits, right? Even stones we start throwing! 100,000 lire had cost me that window! 100,000 lire! Now you're even starting to break, huh, Margherita? The windows, I mean. In short, Margherita, also the living do need some understanding. And then, let's say it once and for all, so we get out of it. You, look that, from the erotic sexual side, in the act... my child..! In short, what I have to say, I have to say in the face! Angela! Look, Angela, I need to talk to you absolutely! What is it? - He's studying. - Nino? Nino, do me a favor, go down to the store. Ask Lo Coco for those fabrics, and bring them to Mrs. Corallo, and let her choose. - Dad, but I must study! What do you mean? When have you ever studied? What's all this itch to study? You'll study tomorrow, that's holiday. But tomorrow we're going to grandma's. - Alright, you'll study tonight! Always arguing! For the slightest trifle that one asks you! Come on, get up! Do as I said! Always arguing! What are you doing here? - Nothing, I passed by here and I said... .."I'll go spy a bit", that's what. - What spy! One goes to see a friend... Sure! But, don't you live there? Yes, but I must bring these fabrics to... - Yes, yes, I get it. Bye! - Bye. Wait, Piglet. Yes, what is it? - Wait for me at home. It won't take me long, OK? There's no rush. Cheers, Ninuzzo. Drink, drink! Well, this one also, though... I don't know, maybe with some light. This one... is not bad. What do you think? Ninuzzo, won't it be a bit too young-looking? Too vivacious? Huh? What you think? After all, I'm not so old. You... how old you think I am, Ninuzzo? How old? Come on, make a guess, say, say. This is really lovely, y'know, Ninuzzo? Though you can't see the effect of the cloth with all this stuff underneath! Perhaps... I'll drape myself. What do you say, Ninuzzo? Shall I drape myself? Huh? Yes,.. yes. I'll go get some pins. So I can drape it. Meanwhile I'll put on some music. So you don't get bored. I'll be right, I'll do in a flash. Ninuzzo. Here I am. - What're you doing here? Your father told me to come and help. - And you left them alone? Couldn't you say you had to wait for me? Couldn't you do as I said? I seemed to disturb, and then... You know you smell of wine? That's my damn business, OK? Come on with me in the living room! Eat, do as you wish and tell the lady I'll be right back, OK? But who's this lady? Who knows her? - Don't worry! - But who is? What do I tell her, then? And now what I do? Oh, Nino, it's you. Nino... have you finished? - Yes. And the fabrics? The fabrics, says that... she's kept them. Says that... she must think it over. What is it, you're not feeling well? - No. What's wrong? How do I look? But you're not Ninuzzo! - Actually, no. - But who are you? Baron Puglisi, nice to meet you, Called "Piglet". But what you doing here? - I was passing, and.. I said to myself.. But, I can pay,.. Don't you worry. Let's not talk about it. - No, we must talk, instead. I assure you, a marriage that will cause a sensation! You have to say yes, I'll take care of the rest. But how do we do? - Don't think about it. Do as I say. But you know it's not possible, people... - I give a damn about the people! Angela, my mother will consent, you'll see. - And the boys? The boys will do as they're told! Even fleas have their say, now? No, no, no! Get out, I'll drive. Move off. Come on. - Oof, Dad! - Oof, Dad! You want to wholly ruin this car? We'll arrive tomorrow! - Yes, even the day after! Angela! Angela! Enzino! Quiet, Enzino. - I won't kiss grandma! She stinks! Mute, mute! Dad, you never use the 4th gear and the engine jams! Your brain is what's jammed! Enough now! The car is mine, and I do as I wish. But look at that! And if I like, I'll go in reverse, to grandma's! Alright? There! I said it! Camillo! Camillo! They've arrived! Come on out, Camilo. Well come! Well come! The gear, Dad, the gear! Yes. Yes, the Royal gear! Ignazio dear, how are you? - Adele! Adele, how goes it? Here we are. Behave yourself. - Hi, Camillo! - Long as I mustn't kiss her. You're growing up so much, my son! It's not me to grow up, it's you to get smaller each time! What can I do? I'm old! - Adele, how is mom? - How should she be? After the 50 years, an ailment every 10 years! No, I mean her mood. - Oh, her mood! It's north wind, today! - I won't kiss grandma, she stinks! Listen kid, beware, it's not the right day, today! Stink or not stink. - I don't wanna come! - Enzino, you're a bore! Come on, Enzino. - I don't wanna come! - Please! I said no. It bores me! Let me! - Enzino! Kiss grandmother. Mother. - And Enzino, where is he? Hush. Nino, you're a little pale. Aren't you well? Sir! - What? - Enzino. I can't find him. Where did he go, that wretch? - Hush. This is the new maid? Actually... She's too elegant. Fine, fine. Go help Adelina in the kitchen. Go, go. Mama, I... Hush! Come on, let's go. Antonio! Gently. I don't understand, Mom, why not... - Hush! How many times shall I say that wheelchairs are for paralytics! I'm not paralytic, I'm tired, understood? - Yes, Mama. Hush! Nice deeds you do! We're at grandma's house! No, I don't wanna see grandma, cause she stinks! Had I not been hungry, you wouldn't have found me. Do it for me, kiss your grandmother. Yes, but I'll hold my nose. Oh, here he is. Where was this brat? - Hidden in the hayloft. Incredible! Greet grandma. Give a kiss to grandma! Come on, sit. Eat! And, mute! Next time I won't bring you more to grandma's, OK? Stay put! Go, go! Anything but trade! All nonsense! What you are you owe it to the land. You have no gratitude. I'm old, I'm not eternal. The fact is that the farm needs the hand and the eye of the master! And you... Well, it would be time for you to quit wasting my money with the store! These cigars have become just gunk, they seem straw. Mom, I ... - Hush! Remember that, 50 years old, a Christian is either Pope, or is sacristan. And you, certainly, you're no Pope! Well, this we knew it. - And remember that I can die any day. When will you die, grandma? Tomorrow? Shit! - Eat, Enzino, eat, or it gets cold. And remember that in front of the elders you speak little. I beg you, Mom, in front of the kids, at least treat me with some regard, some respect, okay? Regard? Respect? Why, by chance you had regard and respect for them? For yourself? Huh? Cigarette. What? - The cigarette! - Oh! But what do you believe? The mute child, his mother understands him! Mom, I'm mute because you never let me talk! Hush! When you talk, you always say nonsense. And you always make nonsense. - I knew it. Getting involved with a maid! - Which maid? You want to take your pleasure? Take it! A maid is good for this too, since the world began! But you... You want to marry her! Why, what's wrong with that? She's a good girl, hard-working... Hush! She's a servant! A housekeeper. - Servant! However, it would be a big saving at home. - Yeah, I know! But you thought about the kids? - Of course I did! They're fine with her, she loves them and is like a mother to them. Hush! I see you've turned into a real jerk! That's enough now, mom! It's time to end it, okay? A jerk! I'm no longer a child! Mom, if we gotta talk, treat me as I treat you! If not, let's not talk more, okay? Mom? Are you feeling sick? - I'm dying! Hush! Hush! - Mom, do not scare me! - You make me die! - Adele! - Hush! Adele! Mom is feeling ill! Enzino? Hey, Enzino! Enzino, what is it? What did you see? You saw mom, right? I've heard you calling her! Mom? - Yes, mom who's dead, and was calling you! She wept because she wanted her child. You, Enzino. But you make her suffer, mom, because you don't love her as before! I want mom! I want mom! No, you want Angela! Cry, cry louder, so mommy comes! Mom! Mom! Cry, cry louder! Mom! Mom! Enzino! Enzino, what is it? I want mom! - Enzino, what's with you? What happened? - Says that he dreamed mom. Enzino, don't cry. - I don't want you, I want mom! I don't want you, I want my mom! I want my own mom! Listen, mom... - Hush! Mom, it's the first time! - Hush! He's never done so, I swear. - Hush! - Not even on the first days! - Hush! Believe me! What are they doing? Adelina, will you call them? They're here, they're coming down! But why you're leaving like that? But she'll be disappointed, poor old woman! OK, tell her we had to leave early and we didn't want to bother her. I'll phone her. Maybe she's awake. She never sleeps throughout the night. Who? I heard her through the door, snoring like a double bass! Come on, move! Hurry! Where were you? In the bathroom. - Always in the bathroom! Let's go! From morning to evening in the bathroom! Well, what's wrong? What're you doing? - Don't you see? I'm leaving. And why do you go? Why do you ask? After all you've done to make me go! Aren't you glad? Me? What I have done? And the thieves? The dreams of Enzino, the ghost of your mother! You think I didn't understand? You put Enzino against me, poor child! Don't worry, I won't steal your mother's place! Angela... Don't go away. Oh, no? But then, what do you want from me? May I know what? Nothing. Nothing. Forget it, Dad. You never understood anything at all about soccer. Spoke the genius! Here nobody understands anything. These foreign players... They found America in Italy! Throw-in by goalkeeper Menozzi for Hansen, who advances to the right. Counter attack of Cagliari. Long pass on the right to Cavazzuti, who's struggling with Toros. Pass for Tonna, who shoots from afar... Save by Menozzi! He just doesn't see the ball! But what does he do? He gets confused! Goal! - Goal! Up yours! The game is not over yet. - Okay, but meanwhile he scored. There, that's better! Drink milk, it's more appropriate at your age. Appropriate? What're you talking about? I don't understand. Oh! He doesn't understand, huh? And last night, before the TV? You don't remember anymore? That was the nothing you wanted from me? What is this? Pretends not to understand! With all the dirty mags you hide in the bedstand. Put it down, it breaks. But it doesn't squeeze you? What do you care, if it squeezes me or not? But, if you didn't wear it, wouldn't you be freer? Wouldn't you be better? That's my business! It's better that you don't wear it. Don't wear it tomorrow, okay? Ninuzzo, listen to me! Enzino! Enzino, wake up! Wake up, Enzino, mom came back! Wake up! You had mom's apparition. Will you wake up? Scream! Why don't you scream? Son of gun! Aw, fuck off! Mom! I don't have it. Are you happy? I've done as you wanted. Good. And now I want you... Enough now, huh? Cut it out! I want you to take off your panties. Leave me alone, Ninuzzo. Cut it out! I want you with nothing underneath. Only the dress! - I do as I please! And you, please, tonight, sleep! And let sleep us too. I explained myself? Okay this way? - Yes. Can you take the book, please? Me? Yes... Me, when I get on a ladder, it makes me dizzy. Yeah...dizzy! It must be the big one with the green cover. What are you doing? - Nothing. Holding the ladder. This? - Uh, no. I was mistaken. It's that other one, with the red cover. Red, huh? It's this one? Maybe you're mistaken again, huh? Yes. May be. It's this one, then? It's this? It's this? Or is it this one? It's this one? I'll tell you which one! Is this the book you want to see? No, I didn't take them off, okay? Are you glad? You need else? Damn coward! Mom! Mom! Gently. The souls of the dead are very susceptible. Slowly! That's it! Here, it must be. Here, at the entrance. So, this blessed effigy can be seen and revered by all those who come into the house. There, you must be! Sir, now I need to connect it. To the power. But I have no outlet. Okay, okay, go and get it, so you connect it. Hurry up, you must also go to the store. Here he is, our visionary! You slept well, huh? Leave me alone. You wretch! Is that the way? Rude! But look at..! Really,.. Look, I ... Bye. But you shouldn't do so, huh! I ... I'm desperate! I can't take it anymore, y'know! I'm going to take Don Cirillo, so I'll talk to the boys before him. If they're convinced, fine, if not, I don't give a f..! - Yes, okay! Though, I think it's best to reflect, to wait, y'know. Wait for what, Angelina? What do I wait? They're in growth age, and I wait! Come on! You only live once, in life. And when one is dead... One should play dead, I say! Alright? No, no, y'know, an exquisite person. You had any difficulties? - No, which ones? You were able to speak? Indeed! Only I have spoken. Got it? Only me, doesn't let talk! Moreover, I found that is an honest woman. For that, without honesty, what would be left to my mother? What got to do your mother? But, didn't you go see my mother? - No, your mother later. Besides, before talking to your mother, who's a holy woman, but a little bossy,.. Shit, if she's bossy! ... I had to check what I'm going to sell her. Sell what? I told you, Cirillo, Angela is as clear as a glass of water! Yeah, but you're too eager to drink that glass of water! Look, I realize that the sooner the better. Also because, you don't have many cartridges to shoot. Cirillo, stop with these cartridges! I'm still an intact man! Yes, alright, but you're no boy. Then there are your children, and all in all, your mother's not wrong in worrying if these boys bind with her. They bind, they bind, I said they bind! - All of? Also Enzino? Enzino especially. At night he wakes up and calls: Angela, Angela! And if she doesn't go... - He pisses in bed. Ignazio! Is at stake your happiness, and hers too, I must say. And above all that of the kids! And also that of possible children that... Sure, by God's grace! Of course! Also because, alone... Please, Cirillo, will you talk to mom? Yes, alright, but in order, first I want to talk to the kids. Come on, I'm hungry. My blessed children, you must realize your father's situation, he'll correct me if I'm wrong. He's a man still young, with three devils like you to raise, without the presence of a female hand, without a wife... I deem that his decision, since you're glad, right? to take as wife the here present Angela La Barbera? Yes, I mean, to take Angela as wife. Who, moreover... is a cook of rare skill! This dish is the seven wonders! You see that he liked it? This seems, to me,... a wise decision. Something well thought, there! And I ... I approve it, unconditionally. I too! It's logical, however, that, to be sure, this decision needs to be taken ... with joy by all of you. Understood? In short, with the consent this beautiful dove, your father won't marry her alone. No, I'll marry her alone! - Well, yes, of course you'll marry her alone! But I mean you accept to take ... as mommy..? To me is fine. If dad is happy. Well, dad is very happy! With Angela we are very well. We got used to having her at home. I agree if she marries with dad. Bravo, this is men's talk. Ninuzzo! - Yes, Ninuzzo, you... are you happy, and so on..? Angela, for me, were it not... Were it not? Were it not that I see mom at night. Are there apparitions of mom? But they're just fantasies, dreams. What you want them to be? Wait, wait, wait a moment. Tell me one thing, Ninuzzo... What is..? She doesn't come in dream. I see her as... as I see you now. But, excuse me, she does what? Speaks? She says what? No, doesn't speak, she cries. Yes, she cries, she cried always! - Hush! No, it's that she blocks me. She prevents me from doing as I'd like. And then, he saw her too. - It's true that you saw mom? No way! - Yes, I saw her. She was ugly. She was uglier than when she was alive! Ugly... she was a type! What you believe now? The dreams and fantasies of children? Cirillo! Of course! With all they eat at dinner, perforce they have nightmares! After all, it may also be that Mom won't come see us again. Angela, I like her for real. He likes her. Of course! You'd be an ingrate! With all that she's doing for you, would you complain? Sure, being the situation at this point, it's best to wait. - Wait? Still? Yessir! To collect the ideas! These kids see their dead mother, who cries! If I weren't scared by these apparitions, I'd agree on the marriage. Mind you, is not matter of superstition, the Church has overcome this, but it's science itself, the psychoanalysis... Ignazio, Freud himself... But what does he want, this, from my life? Him too! We won't say anything, to Freud! Why do you rush? There's no need to rush. Good day, Mr. La Brocca. - Hi, Stefano, say hello to dad. Yes, I will. Bye, Nino, I'll see you. - Yes, this afternoon. It's dangerous, you could smash your face. Come with me - Where to? Would you like to eat a cannoli? - If you want. - Sure I want. Let's go. So then, Nino,.. all fine? All fine what? I mean... All fine at school? Oh, sure, all is fine, thanks. You'll eat another cannoli? Another cannoli to the boy. So, Ninuzzo, all fine? Look. I've stained you. Last night, I mean. - Want to know if I've seen mom? No, no apparitions. Bravo! Bravo Ninuzzo, bravo. Tell me, Nino. You remember that last summer you asked me for a cyclo-something? Oh, the moped. You said no. - Okay, I said no because you were a kid. But now you've grown up, you please dad, and I want to buy you one. Are you happy? - Yes, but I don't care anymore, dad. How's that? Beware. You raised hell for it! It's dangerous, you were right. How about that! I was right! Hi, Ninuzzo! - Hi! - Who's that one? Piglet's sister. - Bye! Will you come with me? - Is she your date? - Dad, come on! - Nice girl! You like her, huh? - Bye! Nino! What's up? What do you do here? What else do you want? You see what time it is? Go to your room. Go away! Will you go away? Look, if you don't go, I call your father. Last night, everything quiet? Nothing happened? Everything quiet. Were it true that this ghost had calmed down, once and for all! You know what I tell you? Tomorrow I'll talk again to Don Cirillo. But,.. wouldn't it be better to wait some more? What's the rush? - What's the rush... Do I have to explain it, even? And then, what shall we wait for? Everything is quiet! Nino, for example. I had always thought that it was a story of his own, invented because he was mad at you. No! - I even meant to buy him a moped. He refused, y'know? He didn't take advantage! He gave me a lesson in fairness. Nino, what're you doing? You want to joke? Nino! But what you doing? Nino! Enough, huh? Enough now. Stop, Nino! Enough, huh? This is the last. But what do you want to do? Please. I beg you! Why do you treat me like this? Enough! What have I done to you? But what do you want? Can I know what you want from me? You want to see me naked? If that's what you want from me,.. look, I'll undress. Huh? I'll take off everything. Collect the papers and let me study. Stefano! Hello. Hi. Are you awaiting my brother? - Yes. What a beautiful bicycle! Is it yours? - Yes. Will you teach me? - But this is for men! So what? Hold it. What a fright! What should I do? Pedal? - Yes, but slowly. - Well, slowly. Don't look at the front wheel. - No, no. Oh God, I'm falling! - Straight, straight. Oh, God! Careful. But what are you doing? - Nothing. I'm teaching her to go on bicycle. But if she taught me when I was 3 years! - Bye! I'll take a ride! But can one be more... - Bitch! Say it without ceremony. Look! I've brought you the gun that I had promised you. You like it? Is it loaded? What do I know? Look, I brought the gun, but if she doesn't put out? - No, she'll put out... And when, when? Even tomorrow. Dad goes to Palermo, Antonio goes out... And the little one? - No, Enzino doesn't count. Now you have to do what you've promised. Now? Are you sure there isn't anybody? - No, Enzino is at a friend's home. Shut up! - Who's talking? Where is it? From the window? - Hush! I'll bust your ass! Sorry, I didn't do it on purpose! Where? Ugly coward! He brought his little pal! I would fill them both with slaps! What do I do? Hush! Hey! You mustn't do these things here! Enough now! But how, enough? - Out, go! Why? But right now? - Enough, I said, ugly disgusting pig! Go away! But what's the matter? I want you out! Go away, you ugly lousy! What ugly lousy? After all, the idea was yours, right? - This pig! And then I gave you the gun. So give it back. - Go! Wait, at least let me put my shoes on. - No, you put them on at home, okay? Out! Give me my coat! - Here's your coat! Why didn't you tell me you wouldn't be alone? You're a liar, a scoundrel! - What's the difference? One or two... How, what's the difference? - So, you were aware. Sure I was aware! - Why did you continue? How, why? I'll tell you why: because you liked it. You liked being seen by us both. You're a whore! I didn't think you were like this. Worse than that slut of Luciana. And who's Luciana? - A chick. And you know why you brought that other stinker? I'll tell you why. Because you didn't dare to look alone! You're a chicken, a baby! I'm not a baby. - Oh, no? - No! Look! Nino, what's that? Where did you get it? - Mind your own. Are you crazy? What do you want to do? - Watch out, you! Will you keep quiet? I want to sleep! Huh? I mean, all normal, all quiet? Yes, all quiet. - Well, maybe I'll go. - Where to? Where? To see Don Cirillo. - Not yet. Why not, Angelina? It's a week already that this holy woman shows no signs of life! Don't know... just to be sure. Sure of what? Leave it to me, darling. Excuse me, I have stuff on the fire. - Sure. Margherita, look! I swear that if you don't turn up again... I mean...you got it, huh? I will dedicate one hundred Masses for your soul. That's it. My life, my love! How can I bear it? I wish I could hug you until we're both dead. I wouldn't care for your suffering. I don't worry about your sorrows. Why shouldn't you suffer as I suffer? You'll forget me. You'll be happy when I'll be underground! Don't torture me to the point of making me crazy like you! You must be possessed to speak that way! I'm sleepy. This torment makes me puke! You're right, son. Of course. It's a love story! Me too, at your age... The kid gets annoyed, of course. Stupid! Nino! What you doing here? Stupid, you think I didn't see you give him the eye? Idiots, you and him! What's it to you? - Nothing. But you were both pitiful. So what? And now, scram, go to your room, got it? If you don't move, I'll call your father. - And tell him what? That while he gives you the eye, you let me watch you naked? So call him! Don't defy me, y'know? Call him! Angelina! Angelina, you let me in? Sir, I'm already undressed. You're undressed? - Let him in. Did you need something? I wanted to say that, since tomorrow comes the mattress-maker,.. Will you stay still, wretch? Why don't you let me in, Angelina? I won't look at you. Stop it! - And then, we're engaged! - Please, let me! Angelina, you hear me? - Yes, I hear you, sir. Since will come also the bricklayers, to remake the walls... But you hear me? Angelina? Yes, sir, I've heard. Goodnight! Goodnight. Forgive me, you know. Goodnight, Angelina. We'll talk tomorrow. OK? Have you seen? You didn't let him in. How come? Go and fuck off! Tomorrow, when you'll bring him coffee... Go away! When you bring coffee... Good morning, sir. - Good morning, Angela. The kids, they do? They're still sleeping? - Yes. Here. Don't worry, I'll clean it. - Angela! - Sir! Angela! Angela! - Sir, what are you doing? Angelina! - Stop, please. Stop! - I can not stop myself! I can not stop myself! - Please! - Angelina! - Enough, sir, enough! Angelina! - Enough! Stop it! For heaven's sake, stop it! Enough! Enough! Enough! Did I hurt you? - Neither you did me good! - I'm sorry! You see to what I'm reduced? I'm a poor wretch! - I apologize! No, I apologize myself. You see what you've done? - "I'm sorry!" "No, I'm sorry!" You're two morons, that's what you are! You're no good at anything! What a mess! Next time, like hell I'll restore the apartment! Come on, move. Here they eat, bon appetit! Yes, but quickly, guys! Hurry up, or it will take a month! Come on! My respects, sir. - Hello. Come on, quick, quick! The door, sir, or at lunch we'll eat dust and we'll drink paint. It won't be worse than the bile I'm gobbling since this morning! But that's enough, by God! Now I'll go to Don Cirillo. I'll drag him by the neck to my mother's! So we get it over with! So there. Either in or out! With or without her consent! Okay? Yes, I see, better not return tonight, with this foul weather. Are you happy? - What? - Are you happy that mom said yes? Yes, yes. Of course I'm happy. Will you give me a kiss? - But how? Now, over the phone? Come on, give it to me! Call me by name, now! No, I can't. I can't call you by name! I'll see you at home. - Goodnight. Goodbye. Hang up. - No, you hang up. - No, you hang up. No, you hang up, sir. - No, you. Okay, then I hang up first. - Good girl! - Shall I hang up? Goodbye. - Bye, my soul! - Bye. It was Dad. Says he'll sleep at grandma's with Don Cirillo. He'll be back tomorrow. What a fright! Angela's afraid! She's afraid! - Yes, I'm afraid of dark! So spoke the brave! Well, I'd take advantage to... - Get out in this weather? It's a few drops! But don't tell Dad that I'm out tonight too, huh? - Alright, I won't. Cover yourself though, huh? - Yes, I will. Bye. And you, Enzino, to bed after "Carousel." "Yes, Mom!" "As you wish, Mom!" You're mad at me. Are you angry? What is it? You mind that I marry your father? - What do I care! Look that after, we must stop... - Stop what? What are you talking about? God, the light! Nino, please, will you go to the kitchen and fetch candle and matches? Nino? Nino! Where are you? Don't get me scared! You know I'm afraid of the dark! Nino, where were you gone? Move that light off my eyes! Turn it off! And don't play games. Nino, stop that. Cut it out! Nino, enough now! Look, if I catch you you're gonna get it! Enough! Nino, enough, please. Enough joking, stop that. Nino, I beg you! You know that I'm scared. Stop it! Stop it! No more, no more! Enough! I'm scared! Stop it with this game! I beg you, that's enough. Stop it, I'm scared! Watch it, if I catch you I'll kill you! What do you want to do? - Undress, and shut up! - Yes. Mind you, this is the last time! You understand? What a scoundrel you are! It's a family of scoundrels! Son of a bitch! Swine! Watch it, when I catch you I'll kill you, y'know? I'll kill you! Look what I gotta do, I was so happy! I was settled! I was so happy! Wretch! Pig! Degenerate and son of a bitch! Look what I must do for this big swine! It looked like a good boy! Degenerate, pig! He brought me flowers, he brought! But I'll kill you, you know? I'll kill you! I'll kill you! And that poor man of his father... Ugly wretch! Damned you! You're a coward! You're a bastard! Look what you make me do! You make of me a whore! Alright, you wanna see all of me? You wanna see me naked? All of! Tits, pussy, thighs, everything! What more do you want? Damn you! I'll make you pay for it! That's it, that's how you like me, huh? Here I am! Here I am! Give it back! I said to give it back, idiot! - No! Now I'll play with it! I screwed you over, huh? Come and get it! You've lost all your courage, huh? Give me the flashlight, now! What, you don't wanna play anymore? Come on, Ninuzzo! Come here! Come! No, I'm not coming, give it back now! I won't move if you don't give it back! You won't move? Come here! Let's play! Come, come, come here! Son of a bitch! I caught you! Enough playing now, Ninuzzo! Now you'll see what Angelina will do you. Enough! What are you doing? What you doing? - Fuck me, motherfucker! Fuck me! Fuck me. My baby! Fuck... Fuck... My baby! Fuck... Fuck... Fuck... My baby! Yes! My baby! Yes! Angela! My love! Broccoli, broccoli! Buy the broccoli, nice broccoli! I don't wanna go to school! - Come on, walk! You big wretch! Who gave you the license? Me, in the car with you, it's over! - Cirillo, is emotion. And then, it's his fault! - So then! - Hi dad! So, grandma gave her blessing. Now, we only expect yours. Dad, Mom came back last night. Shit! He said? - Says that mom came back last night. Bitch of a bitch! But you're sure to not be mistaken? - Of course! And she's happy that you marry Angela. Couldn't you say it sooner? Ignazio! - Dad, you're dying too? Ignazio, come on! Now that you should be cheerful, happy! How beautiful she is! Looks like an angel! It doesn't even appear that she's a maid! How, it doesn't appear? It appears, it appears! However, she's graceful, elegant. She's got class! Certainly, she must be much younger than him. Some thirty years! - Huh, it's not little! But these are the marriages that... When will die, Angela? What're you saying, stupid? Shut up! Ignazio La Brocca, do you take for... - ...your lawful wedded wife... You allow me to do? - Sorry! ...Angela La Barbera... - Yes. - ...according to the rite of according to the rite of the Roman Catholic Church? - Yes. Yes? - Yes. And you, Angela La Barbera, do you take for your lawfully wedded husband Ignazio La Brocca, according to the rite of the Roman Catholic Church? Yes! Unite your right hands. Then... See you tonight? I don't know. Ego coniungo vos in matrimonium, in nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti, amen. Amen. Donna Ines, please, take care of the kids. I'll take care! You know her? It's my cousin Piera, Matteo's wife. My sons, now we must go. Mrs. Corallo, I can come myself tonight at home. Now you are the master at home. - Yes, Dad. Nino! Enzino, come! Remember, behave yourself, listen to dad! Antonio, give a kiss to Angela. Come on, hug Angela. Now you must call her "Mom", understand? Congratulations, Mom! English subs by Edam17@KG May 2013 26 of May of 1940. Throughout the road with the ruined equipment, the armies British French e if removes for the only port canal still available, Dunquerque. The 15 km, throughout coast of the canal, the German army wait for the order of attack of Hitler. In beaches of Dunquerque, almost half million of men, British and Frenchmen, they face the surrender, or the minimum possibility of rescue for English boats. The World in War Alone May of 1940 the May of 1941 It had groupings of troops that they had been congregated in a "V" in Indiana line to the measure that they were come close to the water. Clearly that many of the soldiers they left with water for the neck e went up for the hunting-mines that they were come close. Others, clearly, embarked in the beach in small small boats, but it did not have panic nor concern. We found many small boats, many with a dozen of soldiers on board, that they returned for England courageous. Many times, we ofereciamos in them to remove the soldiers of the small boat, to be able to go to search more and they said: They are not worried, we have ours 12 sailors e we return for England with them. They go to search its. We saw thousand of men in the beach of Margate. The troops were in bad state, they were weak. It has a man that I will never forget. It entered on board, he had been without teeth, e held a metal ring with silenced bayonet. We had that to take off weapons of everybody e we do not obtain that it released of it. It grasped the weapon with the hands and were imprisoned. A youngster was in the beach, entered in the boat and he found that he was the saved one. E they found this exactly. England, home and beauty. We go for there! We are made an impression. They were very tired e had finished there sleeping exactly. Our duty was to hinder the enemy airplanes to reach these troops. If enemy aviation had superiority in Dunquerque they would have massacreed in them in the beach. It swims could be made. They did not have weapons, nor antiaircraft artillery, the bombers German e the diving huntings Germans, the Stukas, they would have the killed one and not we would obtain to remove the troops. The Germans had also tried to sink the ships. They knew that the troops they did not go to swim until England, therefore, they had that to embark. If the ships sank, the British army would be enclosed. The RAF tried to keep German aviation far from beaches, six torpedo-boat destroyers and more than 200 boats had been sunk. The Tactical Command lost almost half of the force in France, 100 airplanes in the operation of Dunquerque. Dunquerque was one great defeat. But the efforts of the Royal Navy e of small boats they had saved 330 a thousand troops British and Frenchmen. During one week the time was clean e German aviation was moved away. I find sincerely that they they had thought that they did not go takes off them of there. But thanks to God they had obtained. The time was good, the sea seemed a calm lake e this helped all world. If the sea was brave, not we would have the removed one in Dunquerque, because when the high waves they arrive at the beach, take everything. An invasion of the German army at any time, all would have interrupted the operation. Although the courageous efforts of the British and French troops that they moved away the Germans, I do not find that they would have soldier on barrack duty the advance of the German army if Hitler had desired thus it. What it remained of Dunquerque one surrendered in 4 of June. Hundreds of troops they had not been salutes. 15 days later, France it left to fight e the British first-minister, Churchill, directed it the world. What General Weygand called the Battle of France, finished. The Battle of England it now goes to start. Hitler knows that it will have that winning in them in this island or to lose the war. If facing, all Europe could be free e the life of the world will be able to advance for vast lands e sunnier. But if to fail, the whole world will fall in an abyss of a new Age of the Darknesses. We go then to dedicate to us to this new task e holding in them in way that if the British empire e its Commonwealth a thousand years to last, all will go to say: "They had never been so well." England prepared itself to face the immediate invasion. A new withdrawal was effected of children of the South and the East where it could be waited a German invasion. Some parents sent the children for other countries of boat. But this finished in September when a German submarine a boat with 90 children sank. To be prevented against the invasion, more than a million of men not used to advantage for the army they had been offered stops to create National Guarda. They trained with woods because it did not have weapons for all e assayed cruel defenses against one it has attacked German. The treinos seem to have impressed the reporter. The agricultural workers they had become themselves into motociclistas. The horses had given place the quick motions. The infantry walks now with the two feet in air. They are part of the courageous one it keeps mounted British, desirous to receive Adolph when to come to take a tea with cookies. We see the one training battalion of sidecars, a quick and certeira force that it will badly make the enemy. They learn to support everything with conditions that will be able to find. They go going up and I descend, but in contrast of the Hunos, they are always in the good way. The army brought metal rings of Dunquerque, but all the remaining portion it are abandoned in France. In June, the only division equipped in England she was the Canadian. I remember to go to the Southeast of England in June where General Thorne commanded, Kent, Surrey, Sussex, this area, a possible area of aterrisagem of the Germans, if they risked, e I remember to send to circulate the Winston, still must exist, e I wrote more or less this: The troops were livened up e trained well, but, clearly, it does not have any antitank weapon, no antitank weapon e no tank. This in an area where if it waited that the Germans invaded. The state was this of things, we were badly. The king practiced shot to the target, e was contented for the country to be and without allies to only please. The head of the Aerial Command, Sir Hugh Dowding, agreed. It had lost many airplanes to help the Frenchmen. Plates and signals had been removed to confuse the Germans. The result was to confuse the British travellers. The barriers antitank they would make the life of the Germans hard in case that they tried to cross for the line-railway one. The campestre landscape disappeared under the barbed wire. The beaches were with traps below of the water level. J.B. Priestley remembers of one it visits to the coast. In one day hot of Summer, in the end of the Summer, to one of beaches in the coast of Kent. The last time that is there was full, the full beaches of people e was time of the Fair. E to see it, on this day strange, limpid and empty, the desert beaches, an immense barbed wire for all the side, at the time, I felt that it was a species of symbol of what the people felt, that they were prepared to abandon this, in order to continue with the war. Churchill was in all place. Already was not one suspected politician, but the alive image of British resistance. It was a situation of that liked, to show to colleagues one image lived of itself exactly leading the defense of a destroyed government. As soon as Churchill if he became first-minister the rhythm in the government moved. The people had started to think fast and to act fast. Some employees saw themselves running for the corridors. Physically, proper Churchill he was very energetic. It made the onslaughts extraordinarier and energetic. When inspecting the troops, it marched in great speed exceeding the young behind it. I remember that a night said that it went to inspect new workmanships e although to have 65 years, it jumped a wall of bricks, e fell of foot in a swimming pool of liquid cement. E with an impertinence, that it surprises now me, said to it: I find that it found its Waterloo. therefore he was imprisoned in the cement. E it answered: How if atreve? When very, my Blenheim. In the armament plants, men and women worked to fill the imperfections of the British defense. The production went up in June e went down due to the fatigue. But the great effort gave it has supported to the critical times. The production of huntings duplicated. One hundred Spitfires and Hurricanes per week they fulled the forces of Dowding. The new minister of the aerial production, Lord Beaverbrook, it made the common citizen to participate in the battle of the production. My father was one master of the propaganda. And Pans had the action "Pots" where if it asked for to deliver the tachos, pans and gratings. Stanley Baldwin not it delivered the gate of it, but the majority of the people delivered everything what it had in metal. All we knew that they did not become airplanes of tachos and pans, but it was good, all capsize that it was a critical situation. The reply to this action it was enormous. They had mounts and mounts of tachos and pans e did not know what to make with them. But, as it said, it was excellent making propaganda. But where it was the German invasion? In June of 1940, Hitler not it thought about invading England. He was busy festejando the French victory e waited that England, as France, if it delivered. Berlin received it as to a hero, e came back back in 6 of July with admiral Raeder e other commander-head. But the German navy it seemed to have plain for the invasion. When Hitler if it interested in the subject, the army makes other plans e criticized of the navy. Both had been turned toward Goering, head of the Luftwaffe, to control the airspace, vital for an invasion. Goering found that only the Luftwaffe it obtained to defeat England. The quarrels between departments had been drawn out. The army wanted 40 divisions between Ramsgate and Lyme Bay forming a line between Maldon, in the Essex, until the estuary of Severn, isolating London. Later, they had passed to positioning of nine divisions between Folkstone and Brighton, supported for two aerial divisions. To all, 200 a thousand men. In September, England it exceeds its weakness e had 16 divisions available in the Southeast. An armed of German invasion it was congregated in the ports to the North. They had been constructed aterrisagem tracks e the modified boats stops to carry amphibious troops and tanks. The army found that the fleet was reduced, the navy found that exactly this fleet was difficult to protect. Both agreed that aerial supremacy was vital. The invasion, with the name Operation Lion-do-Sea, was for September. The plans had not made an impression the Luftwaffe, on who everything depended. In my opinion, the plan was not serious. Mainly, because the navy did not want. to have the responsibility e the navy asks for first to the Air Force to establish absolute the aerial superiority in to be invaded area. The preparation that the navy it develops was not convincing. E our preparation, mainly mine, it was to be one of the two sections transferred to England e our preparations they had been ridicule. The Air Force was not trained nor prepared to lead an aerial attack independent on England. With the meeting of forces of the invasion, the targets of the Luftwaffe had been merchant boats and ports, mainly in narrow seas of the Canal. Dover was known as the Esquina of the Hell. It had always something stops the reporter, as for example, Charles Gardner of the BBC. Now the Germans are bombing ships. It has one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. One of them dives for the target. Not, it failed. It has ten ships e it did not make right none. There they come, in perforated flight. We see the bombs to leave the machines e to come in our direction. We hear the reply now of our side. It has a shoot out. One hears the noise of the machine guns. This was a bomb, as they can imagine. Another bomb goes to fall. It fell. The target failed. Not yet they had made right in nothing. We reach a Messerschmit. He is pretty, it goes to fall now. I find that this was the first one. An authentic perforated flight. I go to walk to be able to see better. Here it comes. It goes to enter of belly in the sea and bum! Well! Never vi nothing so good as this. The huntings of the RAF they had given handle of them exactly. They had not come back to sail in convoy e ports as Dover sufficiently they had been reached. While the cities they suffered decreases, Dowding not yet shows the total force of its huntings. What he was fantastic in the Aerial Command it was that when the war it blew up in September of 1939, we had a system that it covered the country all in the aerial defense. The system had as base radars, or as we called at the time, RDF. We had a net of stations of radar for all the coast that they covered one distance of 160 km. They had passed to land all the information for the quartéis of the Aerial Command. The radar earned Battle of England, because without it we would have that to have done patrols e with the limited number of airplanes and pilots it would not be possible. Thus, we could wait in land, the radar observed everything e for some controls we knew when to take off in the hour where the Germans they were in Calais or Abbeville. Therefore, we do not waste fuel, time nor energy. By the way, we slept between the patrols, we took off and we followed for the German formations with the altitude data, distance e the number of airplanes, what it was very important. In 13 of August, Goering moved of tactics. It commanded an attack the stations of radar and aerodromes of huntings that the Aerial Command it had to defend. When bombing aerodromes that they defended London and the Southeast, British huntings attacked the bombers German. To fight on England placed the Luftwaffe in disadvantage. One expected that it earned a alone decisive battle, but it was not equipped for this. The bombers German they could not take many bombs. The huntings alone had fuel to fly over during half hour, while the British huntings, close to the bases, they could aterrisar and replenish e to come back toward the battle. Our reach was very, much limited e alone we could cover a small one part of the British islands, including London, but we only could fly over London during ten minutes it stops later coming back toward the base. This limited reach of the huntings in our escort it was perhaps the main point that it prevented offensive an aerial one against England. The private services they had deceived the pilots how much to the damages in the aerodromes. They said that eight had been virtually destroyed. In the truth, none he had been destroyed e the ones that had been damaged immediately they had been repaired. The pilots German when facing a resistance that did not wait they had been pessimistic how much to the victorious result. Our team of combat she was vain of whom not we could gain the battle, e we could not force England to the surrender when attacking, without an operation. led for the army or for the navy. Therefore, we asked for that the High Command it commanded the invasion, the Lion-do-Sea Operation. Mere 1400 pilots e its land staff they were between England e the invasion. They had an enormous one responsibility, great excessively to think itself about it. The expression that they showed to the world she was easied. I find that they had faced the situation very calmly of the point of view of the physical integrity of them. They played soccer, they did not make nothing, some slept, others read books, they heard radio and this age our life. It wanted to abate airplanes, but not to abate Germans. Serious that it did not want. We heard histories of Germans who abated our colleagues of parachute e we found this horrible one, but we did not know if it was truth or not. I had a situation where the parachute of a German was imprisoned in my wing. It left the bomber e was imprisoned in my wing. E I had all the care of the world to take off it in security from there when capsizing the airplane and taking off it from there. If it had good ways between the Germans and the British? Clearly that not. Not of my part. It hated them. They wanted to make of enslaved us. The climax of the battle came in the end of August and at the beginning of September. On the results the decision depended of Hitler to launch the invasion. But the aerial battle was enters some individuals of each side. In certain way, the aerial battles they were extraordinary, because although to have many airplanes in the sky, when fight with one airplane in particular, the sky was empty. I find that never we think that we went to die. The death was something that was forgotten in our mind. If it was not, we were with fear and worried. If a colleague disappeared, we thought that the poor colleague it had died and it was therefore. Clearly that on the inside, we felt much the death of a colleague. But we did not think about the death. To the times, it gave to see when a colleague went to die. It uncontrolled. TARGET LOG BOOK PILOTS IN FLIGHT Mine better friend died. It was going off against a Messerschmit e was another one for backwards going off against it. I went off against it and I did not obtain to make nothing. E the vi to fall. This affected us, but we had that to exceed. The death of the friends it affected us sufficiently. But we do not hate to prevent them. In the last week of August e in the first one of September, 103 pilots of Aerial command had died. 128 had been seriously wounded. Six aerodromes in the Southeast they had been disactivated during days. Against the shots of huntings German e bombing England lost more huntings that Germany. Almost 500 in two weeks. In the last week of August e the first one of September. These two weeks we had been the worse ones for, because in the last week of August, the Germans had reached the aerodromes without dó nor mercy. Day 31 of August was perhaps ours worse day. The Aerial Command almost it was defeated. Dowding wise person of this. It was this worried that it, to attack the aerodromes in such a way. It was thinking how much time more would aguentaria. It, the Aerial Command. Because still it had that to deal with the problem to deny the aerial superiority to the Germans e when destroying the aerodromes they could reach the Aerial Command. In day 6 of September, the king and the queen they had visited the Command Aerial e many people had commented that Dowding seemed tired. In the following day, in 7 of September, when it was emitted an alert one of invasion, imminent invasion, the day was surprising calm. We start all to think in what it would go to happen to follow. In the end of the afternoon, the Germans had initiated, what many of the pilots that they deal with this onslaught, they consider the attack more weighed that already they had seen. Later Dowding happened what it described as the miracle: the aerodromes had not been attacked, London was attacked and aerodromes had been saved. To 16h55, the buzzers had sounded e I was for mine varanda, that it has seen for the river, e the sky was full of airplanes. Inside of one minutes, the bombs had started to fall in the dock berth of Millwall e I obtained to see them. It continued thus during some time. In that first Saturday, they had destroyed everything of Silvertown Way until Silvertown. By the way, all the Tidal Basin, Custom House, until Silvertown it was destroyed. They do not have doubts. If that type of bombing it continued of day. They reached everything what it was important. Gas shipyards, deposits, refineries, everything what it was important. Almost all the bombs they made right in the zone of the target. In this night, 250 bombers had returned. The dock berths and warehouses in flames they were a inconfundível target. But the tactics change of Goering it alliviated the pressure. The Aerial Command regrouped. Ardia London. After the incursion of 7 of September, many firemen had worked 40 hours without stopping. The majority was without nothing, it said one, but we looked in return e we saw the others working. In 15 of September, the Luftwaffe it mounted another diurne attack, without waiting resistance. But of this time, the Spitfires e the Hurricanes waited them. In this day, 15 of September, 56 airplanes German had been abated. England earns aerial control during the day. Royal Air Force earns the Battle of England. September of 1940. Now it did not have diurne attacks e would not have invasion before the Spring. But the cities were white of nocturnal bombings. During 76 followed nights, London was bombed. The line for the shelters to dusk became a ritual. Alert the nocturnal one, and of morning the alert one of attack end, they were part of the life of the native of London. I heard the night airplanes e seemed me that they tried to knock down the houses. I heard and I arrepiava myself: The next one is mine. They played six bombs of each time. One, two, three, four. This is mine. Not. They had failed. E was thus the night all. To 19h50, it said my wife e to my fathers-in-law: I go to leave. E I left house. They were three pretty térreas houses. E I was for the road the foot, the 20 meters of the church, that it was our fort e suddenly I heard. e nothing more. I did not hear nothing and I spoke with many people later e they had not heard the bomb she reached that them. She will be that the people who were there they had felt the same? They had not heard the bomb that it reached them. I fell of front. I arose myself and I turned over e alone saw a curtain cinereous in the way of the wide road, of the double of the size of this bar. It was a cinereous curtain brown e that was there. In any shelter that we were, it always had somebody that it dealt with the diversion, to make to forget the anguish. One decided that the stations of Meter they would not be shelters, but the people had used them e the authorities had had to accept. We were contented and singing, as if it did not have war. It had a canteen. E I sang to liven up the people in the bombings. Until a night was very me I was underneath of the chair praying cannons to start them. I spoke with an artillery sergeant that was of service in Hyde Park e it said us, without hesitating, e cried when in it said this to them: They believe, when we were envoy for London we raise the weapons to the maximum and we go off e we knew that no projectile it obtained to abate an airplane. But they do not say me that this did not give spirit to them. E I find that it does not have nobody here that it can say the opposite. When we heard the projectiles we thought: We apanhamos already them. But they knew that she was alone for the moral, it was alone what they made. The bombs in itself had that to fall, nothing could hinder. During 76 mornings, crash crews they searched rubbles to the search of survivors. A bomb fell in a block of apartments of four floors, e pulled out the façade. Somebody said:"There velhinho has one that it does not go for the shelter." We go up and when we arrive there velhinho had one snoreing with 20 empty bottles in return of the bed e the bed almost in the street e not even woke up. We saw one velhinha stuned e we said to it: It comes with us. It left and dressed half of what she must have been a nightgown. I said: He has that to dress something more, he has that to be decent. It must have about 80 years e was completely idiot e said: I go to search something in house e when it left, brought a hat. The people had obtained to go to work with capotados trams esburacadas roads e bombed railroads. The journalists of the radio they had said to America and the world that London aguentava. The spirit of the native of London it was valid affection and aid to them, but the United States they remained neutral. While England was alone of September of 1940 the May of 1941, 40 a thousand people had died in raides. Half was London. Hundreds of thousand of people they had been without house. They ate, they lived and they slept in shelter centers. The clothes and everything more had missing person with the houses, but the moral not. If we wanted to be clean, we did not say: I go to take bath. Because we had fear that alert bath sounded in the way it. We took an earthen bowl of water and we washed ourselves, perhaps to wash the neck e we ran until the o shelter e we finished the bath another day. We never took a bath of truth, it was to enter and to leave. We become accustomed ourselves. We become accustomed it everything. It was not to invulgar to see. window none, but immense spirit. Or then: It forgives, we do not have the door of the front, valley the penalty not to beat, enters. E posters were seen funny in the door of the houses. They were things of that they took in them to think that this age something more. We saw the more it, more encouraged we were to leave to the street e we knew that if we left to look job e we left the family stops backwards, we said: The Jones or the Smiths there of the quarter they can take account of them, if to happen some thing to me. The plants had come back to function, of night and day, but the nocturnal workers they were interrupted by raides. During the night, it did not have defenses against bombings German. The impotence of the Aerial Command it worried Dowding. I was a time the Redhill with it when London was being bombed to see a squadron commanded for one such of Jimmy Little, e it said me in the car: Max, I take the hands to the head to only think about the people that they are being bombed e I cannot make nothing. For relief of the authorities, the Buckingham's palace also it are bombed. Now the king, the queen could see itself e the people together in the same situation. The king Jorge and Elizabeth queen they had gained the respect when visiting the reached zones. They had arrived at the throne with the resignation chocking of the duke of Windsor. Now, for the first time, they emerged as popular figures of proper right. Also Churchill, with its exuberância, it persuaded adversaries politicians to forget the past it. The normal native of London did not want to know of Winston Churchill as man or as politician, but as the man who it substituted Chamberlain. It was a leader, without a doubt that he was. E I find that whenever it opened the mouth it inspired confidence to the people, accepted it wants it as Conservative, but it was there, was in favor of them and against the common enemy. But, to the times, he was badly received. I remember a time, close to Green Street, Churchill visited an avenue there close e had a gigantic crater of the size of this bar e had women trying to take off the things of them of the houses in ruins e after seeing that, Churchill said: We aguentamos. E the women had said to it what she could make, without Popes in the language. They had said: We are that we are aguentando. You are the saved one. 29 of December of 1940. Airplanes German launch bombs arsonists e leaves the city of London in flames. It had 1500 fires inside and outside of the city. The Cathedral of St. Paul it was encircled with flames. The fire of London was seen well. The 100 distance km saw the fire. In the night of fires, it was in a also ardia shelter that. We had all to leave e we do not enter in panic. We had that to go of the way of the curve until the o end of the Commercial Road for a plant that it had the shelter in the bilge, e when running had fires for all the side. I felt the heat in the soil. The water puddles were hot. When arriving at the shelter, we sleep in shoulders ones of the others. I slept the night all leant to the shoulder of another person. Eventually, we use as much water that it finished and there we are, seeing fires, without being able to make nothing. The center of the city of London it was destroyed. But the cathedral survived. Manchester, Coventry, Birmingham, Swansea, Liverpool and others partilhavam the difficulties with London. They were all to the reach of the German Air Force with bases in France e in the Netherlands. It was more difficult the bombers British to arrive at Germany. The government looked another form to take the war to the enemy. We decide that the only place where we could face the enemy it was the desert of the North of Africa. Basically, the Average East. It did not have more nothing. We could not wait to invade France in a next future, therefore, we could not to weaken the Germans. The two alternatives, possibilities, were to bomb. They were not alternative, were possibilities. To bomb. e to fight in the Average East. Therefore, we start since soon to force, to pressure and to ask for more armament in the Average East e we had to take off the armament daqui, of the British defense. It did not have another possibility. In 10 of December of 1940, two divisions of the Commonwealth of General Wavell they had attacked the great army Italian in the North of Africa. For great surprise of them, they had advanced with sufficient rapidity. They dominated ortaleza after ortaleza. 100 a thousand prisoners had been made. It now seemed to have the possibility to reach the great German army through Yugoslavia and of Greece. We find that one was possible to bring certain countries of the Balkans for the conflict with Hitler that the consequências they could be unexpected, we did not know that result this would have. For the Cabinet of War e for the Ministry of the Defense, if the Greeks were if to defend against the Germans, we had to help in what he was possible. I and the Dill were for the Cairo, after the victory of the Wavell to analyze this question. When we arrive, the Wavell it said: Oxalá is not imported, but I found that not it could lose time e I started the movement of troops to be able to arrive at Greece. The entrance in Greece intended to postpone a German attack. For many Greeks, what it made was to speed up it. They had resisted the Italians, but when the Germans had attacked in 6 of April of 1941, Greece was dominated in three weeks. As Yugoslavia, that one joins the Allies. 50 a thousand troops of the Commonwealth they had been removed. We have to admit that we do not reach the objectives the one that we considered in them. With the aid of Yugoslavia, we do not obtain. to lead an efficient campaign in the Balkans. It is truth that Turkey it was a barrier in the defense, but we lose Greece e many men, courageous men had been captured. Of this point of view, the rocking end was against us e was a time depressing, without a doubt. In May of 1941, Germany e its allies they controlled almost all the continental Europe. E in the North of Africa, a small one force commanded for Rommel, it had recaptured almost all the British territories. The British had tried to keep Crete as naval base. With complete aerial command, the Germans had attacked Crete with 16 a thousand parachutists. It was first the great assault aerial in the history of the war. Although serious decreases, had earned a vital aerodrome, Maleme, e therefore, more troops they could arrive of airplane. With the support of great bombings, they gained land of a force more numerous of the Commonwealth. One more time, the power aerial it won the battle. Decreases of the Commonwealth:13 a thousand captured deceased, wounded or. E plus an equal withdrawal to the ones of the Norway, France and Greece. The British people interrogated itself the more he would have that to support. Churchill found important to defend Crete at any cost. When losing Crete, we lost the base in the Mediterranean, the naval base and aerial. It continued to order telegrams the Wavell saying: Certainly it can excuse a dozen of tanks to defend the aerodrome of Maleme, that it was the main one of Crete, against the parachutists German. Wavell answered that it did not have tanks, they were repairing the lizards or putting oil in the engines, in the Delta and it could not excuse nor a dozen. We lose Crete. It was a great disaster. The House of commons she was insane and the country also. The time for us was one me in the Spring of 1941. He was waked up. until 02h30 making transmissions it stops America and for there the rejection, e cochilava in the bilge of the transmission building e when it left morning, it gave a return and it thought: I find that we do not aguentamos plus this, because already we do not have nothing. In these mornings it found: More two weeks of this e alone I will have destroços to the return. In 10 of May of 1941, London suffered raide nocturnal more destructive of the war. More than 3000 people they had died or they been wounded. Hundreds of fires they had had of being ignored. It seemed not to have at sight end for the death and the destruction. Although not to know it, this age the point of the turn. In April of 1941, Hitler congregated all commanders in France e during two hours spoke to us on the second part of the Battle of England. It said us later, the two of us, to mine Mölders friend and me, that it only makes this to camouflage the offensive one against Russia. This was in April of 1941. Raide of 10 of May alone can to be considered a camouflage of the beginning of the Russian Campaign. It enters the destroços of raide it was the House of commons. During accurately one year, one year of disillusion and defeat, the government had kept Churchill in the power. The battle most important is it earns. England survives. Now it was the time of Russia. (narrator) May 26, 1940. Along roads lined with their smashed and abandoned equipment, British and French armies retreat to the only Channel port still open to them: Dunkirk. Ten miles away, along the Channel coast, German armour awaits Hitler's orders to attack. On the Dunkirk beaches, nearly half a million men - British and French - face surrender, or the slim chance of rescue by ships from England. (man) There were masses of troops and they came down in a sort of a V-shape to a crocodile, semi-single file, as they got near the water's edge. Of course, many of these soldiers were going out up to their necks in water and climbing into, say, minesweepers that could get in nearly as close as that. Others on the beach were embarking in the small boats. But there didn't seem to be any panic or worry at all. One came across lots of these small boats, many of them with perhaps a dozen or so soldiers on board, heading back for England resolutely. One quite offen offered to take their crews of soldiers off them so they could go back for more, and they said: "No fear. We've got our 12 pongos, and we're going back to England with them." "You go and get your own." (man) The beach was... There were thousands of men, like Margate beach on a bank holiday. The troops was in a pretty bad state. They were in a bad way. There was one man especially, I shall always remember. He came on board - he'd had his teeth blown out - and he was holding a rifle with a fixed bayonet. We had to take the arms off everyone, but we couldn't shiff the gun out of his hands. His hands gripped it, and they was... fixture. A chap was on the beach, and then he gets aboard a ship and thinks he's safe. But they really did think this. They said: "England, home and beauty - let us get there, boyo." (McBeath) We were most impressed. Mr Cullen. I wonder if I could start by taking you back to that time two years ago. You left Nicola Murray, and you went to work for Fergus Williams. Yes, yes I did, that's right. And you found yourself in a coalition with the very party that you opposed. That must have been extremely distressing. Er, no, not at all, as a matter of fact. I was very invigorated by the idea of, er, trying to forge a new way in politics. Mm-hmm, so all was rosy? Well, um, can't think of any negatives. No friction? No, the only F word was fun. Thank you, Mr Cullen. Mr Cullen. Would you say there's a culture of leaking in the government? Yes, I would. Yes, leaking and lying. To your knowledge have any of your colleagues lied to this inquiry? Well, I mean, that's a bit like asking, you know, um, does a cow drink milk? Does it? Probably. But what I meant to say was, er, yes, um, my colleagues lie constantly, it's a professional necessity. Have you ever leaked, Mr Cullen? First of all, may I just say, er, welcome back, Baroness Sureka, big hugs, I'm sure I speak to everyone here when I say that we're all thinking of you, er, and, er, you have been... I'd rather you, um, swapped the ham-fisted flattery for actually answering my question, which was have you ever leaked? Right. No, it's a very simple question and it's got a very simple answer. No, I haven't. Um, you'll be aware of Ollie Reeder's testimony to the inquiry where he said that you were, in fact, responsible for the PFI leak. Yes, I am. But, no, which means to say I am aware of, of that. But, gosh, you've got to be careful what you say here, haven't you? You certainly do, Mr Cullen. Let's hope we're up to it. Is there any truth at all in Mr Reeder's accusations? Absolutely none whatsoever. He's talking out of his... out of his other cheeks, if you... Why would Oliver Reeder suggest that you were behind the PFI e-mail leak, then? I've absolutely no idea. It's very difficult for me to get into the mindset of somebody so entirely self-serving and, um, spiritually ugly. I mean, anyone who's been unfortunate enough to have come across Ollie Reeder will know that he is a genuinely... atrocious person. Mmm. Do you believe Mr Reeder was trying to cover himself in that case? Well, I do believe he has the emotional tools for the task. Yes, certainly. Do you believe that Ollie Reeder was behind the leak? No. You see... A leak of this magnitude would require one essential item that Ollie lacks. And that's a spine. He is a man without a spine, he is a man worm, he's a writhing mollusc without any strategies or convictions, he simply slimes his way into the nearest crack every night, and I would like to put on record that I apologise to this committee for being the man who brought him into the world of politics. The whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Thank you for returning to this inquiry, Mr Tucker. That's no problem, no. I had a hair appointment, but I think they can fit me in next week. There's no need to be so flippant about this inquiry. Well, it's just, you know, you keep asking me the same questions, I can't really help it if you don't like the answers. Maybe you could try a little harder in answering. I'm amazed you've stayed at the top of politics for, for quite so long with such apparently poor powers of recall. Maybe it's my age. It's good to see you back. Thank you. Nice to see you too. At your last appearance at this inquiry, you admitted that you have leaked. Is that correct? Well, everyone leaks. Many, many people who appeared here in front of you, er, have leaked, but they've just lied about it to you. Mr Tucker, that's an incredibly serious charge, do you have any evidence to substantiate that allegation? Well, you will forgive me if I don't do your job for you. Because if you can't spot a sprayed-on halo while someone doing a, you know, "What me, guv?" panto act, maybe you shouldn't be sitting behind that desk. At your last appearance we asked you very specifically how you came by Mr Tickel's NHS number and National Insurance number, and you could not recall. Have you had any more time to think about it? Yes, I have. And could you tell us any more? No. You've got no recollection at all? No. By the way, you should not be talking to me about this, because you've been a victim of a leaking, a very unfortunate victim, and I have every sympathy with you. How can you possibly give me a fair hearing when you've been a victim of the very crime that you are accusing me of? You are prejudiced, this entire inquiry, therefore, is prejudiced. I can see what you're doing. It smacks of desperation and it will not work. Does it? No, listen, there you go again, see that's it, you're just rushing to judgment. You are totally discredited here. I am obliged to remind you, Mr Tucker, that you are under oath, and if you lie to this inquiry, it may result in a criminal prosecution. Sorry, please don't insult my intelligence by acting as if you're all so naive that you don't know how this all works. Everybody in this room has bent the rules to get in here, because you don't get in this room without bending the rules, you don't get to where you are without bending the rules, that's the way it is. Mr Tucker, I'm going to give you one more chance to respond to my question. How did you acquire Mr Tickel's NHS number and his National Insurance number? Who said I acquired it? A photograph. No, no, the photograph shows me holding it. Doesn't show me acquiring it. You'd have to ask the person that gave me the folder. Who gave you the folder? I don't remember. You are being deliberately evasive. I... I don't... recall, you know. I don't, I don't know, I can't remember. Very well. Regardless of how you came by Mr Tickel's mental health records, did you then leak them to the media? I can't recall. So that's not a denial? Je ne remember rien. Well, if you can't recall, it leaves open the possibility that you did leak them. Let me tell you this. The whole planet's leaking, everybody is leaking. You know, everyone's spewing out their guts onto the internet. Putting up their, their relationship status, and, er, photos of their vajazzles. We've come to a point where there are people, millions of people, who are quite happy to trade a kidney in order to go on television. And to show people their knickers, to show people their skid marks, and then complain to OK Magazine about a breach of privacy. The exchange of private information, that is what drives our economy. But you come after me because you can't, you can't arrest a land mass, can you? You can't, you can't cuff a country. You might as well just go and go, you can't lynch that guy there, can you? But you decide that you can sit there, you can judge, and you can ogle me like a Page Three girl. You don't like it? Well, you don't like yourself. You don't like your species, and you know what? Neither do I, but how dare you come and lay this at my door. How dare you blame me for this. Which is the result of a political class... which has given up on morality. And simply pursues popularity at all costs. I am you, and you are me. Are you finished? Ah, I'm finished anyway. You didn't finish me. Would you like to stand down? Thanks. Are you not the human router? The human router, yes. But I think you'll find that leaking is very much a 3G business. You know? It's, it's off the house wi-fi grid. I assume you're referring to the leaking of Mr Tickel's medical records, and I would like to say, I find that disgraceful, and I would like that on the record. Everything we say here is on the record, Mr Williams, that's how this works. Well, that's great. When I was a journalist, OK, when I, when I was a journalist at the Mail, I used leaks. Now I'm in government, I do not leak. Wayne Rooney, for example, he used to score goals for Everton. And now he plays for, for Manchester United. Now, nobody expects him to score goals for Everton any more, do they? I mean, if he did that, United would give him the sack. Although you did previously describe yourself as a shepherdess. Now, did you have something to add to that? I just, shepherdess, did she say, did you say shepherdess? Yes, I was, I was giving an analogy, I mean to be, to be fair, Perhaps it would be more accurate to describe myself as a sheep in shepherdess's clothing. Do you follow? Err, no, not, not, er, completely. No. The shepherdess analogy is flawed anyway. Malcolm Tucker is very much a political Flintstone. You know. He carved his press releases into stone tablets. He uses a bird's beak to play his Happy Monday vinyls. He leaks. Translated by Light_Arm Brains! Whatishappeningnow ? The zombie is eating her head, Grandma. That's not very nice. Why is he doing that? Because he's a zombie. It's what they do. He will not be hungry in dinner. I am sure that if they can talk, things would be different. Norman! Didn't I told you to take out the garbage? Yeah, I'm coming, Dad. Tell him to increase the thermostat, please. My feet are freezing. -Fit, crap... -Hi. -What were you watching in there? -" Sex and Violence ". Ohh.. That's nice. Can't be equal to boys his age and pitch a tent in the backyard or became interested in carpentry. -Perry. -I told the other guys are busy stealing and loitering. He type: R-I-P-P-E-D. Type washboard belly. -Beware! -Courtney, be gentle. She does not even deserve it. I mean.. She's nice and I like it, but she is completely loser. -Yeah, I know. -Hey.. Father? Grandma said, can you turn on the heater? Her feet are cold. Perry? How many times do we have to go through this, son? -Your grandmother's dead! -I know. So why you keep talking about her? -Because she talks? -Wow. 'You're such a liar. -I'm not. I swear! She talks to me all the time. Ow yeah? Prove it! She said it is not polite to hide photos of quarterback college shirtless in your underwear drawer. I knew. You ransack my stuff! There was not. Grandma told me. You're terrible. Norman, I know you and Grandma were very close, but we all have to move on. Grandma is in a better place now. There is not. She is in the room. Grandma was old and ill, and died. That's it! Okay, Perry. This is part of the grieving process. Stop encouraging him. I am very liberal, but this behavior needs to be nipped in the bud. This behavior may be normal in your family, but I will not allow it. I dont Notagain. We're not in the east, Sandra . -Peopledie,go away. -He's just sensitive, Perry . Please. Sensitivityis write poems andbebadatsports. This not . Idon'twanthim tobelike his uncle. If that crazy passed through here -and influenced Norman. -Perry, It'sbeenyearsthatnobody sees Uncle Prenderghast. I bet he not even knows who is Norman . Time is running out. Time is running out. PARANORMAN Good day! So, friends, what's good? No biggie. I'm late to go to school, I need to go. Hi, nice to see you. Good day! Sorry, I must go. Sorry. Forgiveness. Yeah. Hello, little friend. Come on, come on. It is good to see you. How are you? Hello, Mrs. Harmon. It's beautiful today. -I like your hair. -Anyone seen Bernie? -Calm down, man. -Believe. -Attention soldier. -Yes, sir. Norman. Want to play? No, I'm late for school, sorry. Gotta go. -How are you? -Hi, how are you? Hi! What's up? Never heard that one before. WELCOME TO HAPPY TOWN A GREAT PLACE TO WALK Watch and learn. Freak Hey, stupid ghost, you know what? What you want, Alvin? Why dont you see more ghosts, sucker? Norman. Talk to that. So Alvin's face! Right? Flies dont talk. Neil, come on. Go. You stink of dignity. Pilgrims, the curse of the witch. You dont know anything about the history of this town? Puritans were strict and devout. Who came to found a place without sin. What's now, Salma? Why the witch is always ugly with ponytail and broom? I dont think it's historically accurate, Mrs. Henscher. It's not suppose to be. It's suppose to sell postcards and keychains. So let's try it again. Over page 6, Norman. "The founders discovered -an evil-among them.." -No, no, Norman. With emotion. Like this. "They put her on trial and punished her. But the witch cursed vindictive prosecutors, seven in all, to have a terrible death. and rise from the graves... as the living dead! Their souls... Their damned souls... At an eternity of despair. " Now, I want you to try again but with conviction. My reputation is at stake and it will not end up like... Norman! Are you listening to me,boy? -I'm sorry, Mrs. Henscher. -So am I. Now, unless there's more a problem, let's summarize. They judged and hanged . This is my moment. Fell, Baby! -Sorry. -You're useless bunch of... See you tomorrow, Freak! Norman, wait up. I'm telling you, Neil. I want to be alone. So do I. Lets do it together. You should not let them depress you. They always do that kind of stuff to me. Why? -Because I'm fat. And my allergies make me cry and I sweat when I walk fast. And I have a lunchbox with a kitty on it. And I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I think it's a bunch of stuff. -Doesn't it bother you? -No. There is no way to stop the bullying. It is a human nature. If you were bigger and dumber, you will do the same. It's called survival of the biggest. This statue is "psssst" on us. Do you know who I am? The weird, stinky old guy who lives on the hill? I asked him! Yeah... I know. I was told not to talk to you. Sorry. And you know why you should not talk to me? I can see ghosts too. I know its been years since you see it, isn't it? Bad omens. Things you cant explain. Strangers' faces , appearing behind the veil. I bet they not tell you about the curse of the witch. Right? Actually, we are study it in school. I'm a tree! There's something you need to know, is the most important thing you will hear, everyone's life depends on it. Now listen, kid, a witch's curse is real! And it is you who has to stop it. You should use your gift... By talking... Because if you dont... This is the most important... You can... You can... You. .. Leave him alone. dont make me throw this sauce. It's spicy! I am still not finished. See you soon. Look for a sign. Wow, that old macabre! He is my uncle. -So is it true? -What? You see ghosts, like, everywhere and all the time? Yes Great! I think you can see my dog, Bub? He was hit by a van animal rescue. It was tragic and ironic. We buried him in the garden, could you see it? Maybe. -Great! Come on! Come on! -Neil? Is it you? Hi, Mitch. Let's play with a dead dog in the garden and you dont need to dig it before. What did you say? Neil, that boy is strange? "I'm talking to ghosts, so pay attention to me." You can stop doing that? It's kind of stupid. Listen, dont need floor with strangers, right? This is a tip. dont ruin this for me, Mitch. This is not strange. He ​​talks to dead people. He's around here somewhere. DIG PROHIBITED All dead returned as ghosts? No. .. My grandmother said people who have unresolved problems with, or sometimes someone dies suddenly or in a bad way. -Bub? -He's there? How is he? Well Are you happy to see him. Who's a good boy? Good boy! -He feels if I pet him? -I think so. There is no chin. Go get it! He cant catch, you know? -It's still fun. Good boy! Brings back. Handle, Bub! Good boy! Now you try. I'm sorry, I donot... No, it's fun! Try! -I dont want! -You can play! It's really fun! -You, first. -Your turn, I've been about 50. Okay, what do I do? Grab the twig, pulls back and throws. Neil? Sorry. I got it! Are you okay? I'll show you. And to that chubby scary. When he realizes that we are running out... No. Not yet. Not yet! Damn. No! I dont wanna go! I want to go home. Dont wanna go! Great. Now never remember this moment. Youareterrible. I curse the accusers to a horrible death and forth from their graves as living-dead. Your souls condemned to an eternity of despair. Kill the witch! Kill the witch! Are not they adorable? Kill the witch! Kill the witch! What? What? No. Not again. Over here! Here! Witch, we know you're there! -There! -No! Wait... The dead are coming. Hi, mate. Okay? The dead are coming! Norman! He said that the dead are coming? No, no. -Yes! The tree told me! This here! One thing is to be mentally ill in front of his family. But not to the whole city! No more conversations with ghosts or your grandmother, or... What is it now? I think it's tree. You're Grounded. Do you hear me? This is ridiculous. I wanted everyone to see what I see. I dont ask to be born like that. Funny. Nor ask. Sometimes people say things that seem bad, but they say that because they are afraid. He is my father. He should not be afraid of me. He is not afraid of you. He is afraid for you. Look! It'sParaNorman! Whatthetree said today, Norman? The dead are coming sooner or later? You died? Yes, but I have unfinished business here. Couldnt you use another bathroom? My ghost is not going anywhere until I pass my duty the other. And that would be you. I? No. must be wrong. Are you, okay? I'm stuck to the curse for years, but now I'm dead. It has to be you. But I... I dont know what any of that means. It means that the past is coming back to haunt you. Timeisrunning. AnniversaryofthedeathoftheWitch is today. The ghost will awake and when she does She bring the dead back. But I am only a child! How do I stop it? Read the book at the site where the witch was buried. Which book? Whatever is in my hands. Not these hands, my other hand. The which are at home starting to smell weird. Pick up the book and read it. Before the sun sets, tonight. But this is madness! Do I look crazy to you ? Can you do that? -I... Swear! -I mean the word with "P"? -I promise that! Okay. I promise. -Right! No, Mr. Prenderghast wait. Sorry, but it ended up here. I'm free! I'm finally free! Wait! No, you cant go now! Please I dont understand. Better wait a few minutes. Norman? What is the problem? Dont come with that, chubby, It has nothing to do with you, -stay out of my way. -Or what? Or I'll punch their breasts. I dont have breasts, these are pecs. My boobs! You're dead, freak. You hear me? D-E-T, dead! Is so dead that speak himself dead. I dont think we should leave. Promised me a food that another person put in the microwave. Probably he is there now, fiddling with his voodoo, orwhateverhe has, that's not good. COME TO THE WINDOW Want to play hockey? You know, I kind of have other things on my mind now. It's that about undead stuff again? Mr. Prenderghast appeared in the bathroom. -Eww. No, his spirit. He said that the witch curse is real, I have to go to the old cemetery for her, Before the sunset today! So, you wanna play a little later? Dont you hear what I just said? Yeah, but I thought my idea has less chances of us into trouble. Go home, Neil, I'll be even better alone. But... -Go home! Wow, that bug bit you? None. Daddy said I should not talk to you anymore, grandmother. Jackass If I was a poltergeist, I'll throw something at his head. You know, by law... I should be enjoying myself in paradise with you grandfather. -But I'm not. -So why stay? I was never been looking for fun. But there also has cable TV or hole. Moreover, I promised to always take care of you. -So is your duty. -Something like that. -And you will do it no matter what. -Of course! Even if it was something really scary? There is nothing wrong with being scared, Norman, As long as they dont change who you are. And then I said to her: "Come talk to me when your video has 12,000 hits on YouTube." Seriously, I said it. Yeah, I'm babysitting. This night will be a bore... Norman! You better not going out, you strange. Hello? Mr. Prenderghast? Come on. Damn! Unleashed! BURIED HERE 7 VICTIMS OF THE CURSE OF THE WITCH It's it. Read the book, stop the curse, return home, pretend it never happened. "Once upon a time, in a land far away, had a king and a queen in a magnificent castle." What? A fairy tale? -What have you got, nerds? -No, give me back! cant wait to see the face of all -when they know that. -Dont do it, Alvin! Nobody makes me lose a possible meeting with a girl who was almost interested in talking with me. Okay? Good even. You have nothing to talk about. -Oh-ow. -Can-speak "Oh-Ow." It's what they speak when Alvin is in the area. "Oh-ow, is Alvin?" "Oh-ow the Alvin will make me run to mommy." Oh-ow. -What is it? It's her. Once.. Once .. Once upon a time... In a distant... Once upon a time... -In a... Please, please. It's not working! You must stop... What? -Norman, what are you doing? I think I peed my pants. Wait. -Neil, answers the door? -I'm busy. You'repausingimagesofDVDs Fitness Mom again? No! Neil,I 'llkillyouand liftyour butt , now answer the door? God. I'll kill them! I know you are in there. A slumber party is over, manés. Can I help you? Yes Sorry to bother you so late, Is... Do... Neil live here? Yeah, he's my brother. -That's great. Your brother and my brother are like best friends. I'm Courtney. Neil, can you come here a little? There's a girl asking for you. Hello How are you, boy? -Neil. -Yeah, Neil. Do you know where Norman? He ​​kind of disappeared. No Idea! I have no idea where he is. Sorry. Goodbye. Neil, you need talk a little, buddy. I did not think he was serious about going to the old cemetery alone. That boy, Norman. Dude, that place is not cool. Climate horror movie. Why go there? I dont know, maybe we should go look for him. I said he was trouble. Sorry, but I said. No, it's okay. He's sucks. But I gotta make sure he not die or something. Can you help me? Please. Okay. I think you should get dressed. Norman is having problems? They will try to eat our brains? I think you're safe. Thank God. I dont understand. Why not work? The story of "Sleeping Beauty"? This makes no sense. Where... Where you going? Mr. Prenderghast I dont understand. Tell me what to do. Dude, what are you doing? He told me to read the book to stop the curse. I thought it was a spell or something, but... Come on... There has to be something. -We need... back home... -This is it. -Seven victims. -My mother is... -Seven... No. -Well upset... When I'm no... We have to defend ourselves. Shoot them in the head... Come on, come on... -With silver bullets... Seven victims... Seven tombs... Why dont you hear me? -We gotta do something! -The tomb of the witch... It was not there. I was reading the book in the wrong place. Hide-up. -Where? Come on. And she said: "I consider a career in computing." But I said, "I want to do something that helps people, thank you." You know, kind of like the poor or... People who are dying. People ugly or something... Well guess ecology and world peace are very important today. You pull weight? For his deltoides are enormous. I've never used deltoides in my life, I swear, you can test me. Kill me now. Thank you for doing this, Mitch. It means a lot to me, you knows? As a family... A brother. He's your brother. Look at the sky. Caution! No. It was Norman! Is everybody all right? -No. -No. Hello, sir? Is he dead or what? I dont know. He ​​is not moving. He's still breathing. Then he okay? Not exactly. What? What? Someone knows how to do mouth to mouth or... Run! -Did you see that? -It's crazy. I know, kicked it about 90 meters. Norman, what happened? They are zombies, I swear, right? We saw them come out of their graves, really. For the record, I saved his life. I could save yours. Sorry,whoareyou ? Why dont, we're leave. Okay. Damn kids with their phones. Ending ozone layer. That's what it is. So I knew something was going to happen today. Knew? For he zombie scared me. Why had to involve everyone in their weirdness? You dont need to follow me, needed? Sorry, my fault. When I get nervous I have verbal diarrhea. Diarrhea? My God. I think I'm having an aneurysm. -This is all because of you. -No, you not understand, I just cant stop this, Courtney. I understand . I understand that it came out completely... Hand! What do we do? What do we do? Mitch? -I dont know. I dont know. -You dont know? Not in mental age! Great, police. Stop the van! Norman, how do we stop it? I have to read the book in the witch's grave. Did not in the cemetery? She was not there with the others. I dont know where to look. You better think of something fast. I have an idea. So, Norman, let me understand, supernatural adventure that will and call me in the middle of the night, because you need help for research. Yes Please, we need to find the tomb of the witch. I went to the old cemetery, but it was not there. Persons convicted for witchcraft were not considered as people. Norman, the witch was buried elsewhere. In an unmarked grave. Mitch, do something. Next times pay attention, You know we learned it in 5th grade in history class. Salma, please hurry. No. Farialistif he hadnot a zombie trying to kill me . Right. It says here she was buried at the old Town Hall on Main Street. Perhaps no record of his burial and execution on their files. Fast, she said to go to city hall. My God! I think it would help if tried to see things like that. -I dont want. -Perry... dont believe in the afterlife is like not believe in astrology. I have no idea what to say. Seriously! Where'd you learn that? Calm down. Car Accident! Where are the police when you need them? My-God! -I broke a nail. I'll puke. It's... Alvin, the slayer of zombies. I got you. Honey... I'm sorry, you'll be alright. We will go through this together. Come on. Yes! Now nerds are in charge. CASINO WITCH lucky See, I said: zombies! It's the curse of the witch! Mom? What! What should we do? -Hit in the head! Yes! Fast, here. Thisisterrible. The zombies are like, eating everyone! CITY HALL Come on. Everyone all right? No one was bitten? I bit my tongue, is that count? Does anyone know how to open locks? Of course. Open locks is my thing. SEMINAR TO CRIME PREVENTION Ready! -It's here! -It? How do we know where the witch is buried? Great! I'm super excited. This is the most fun night of all. Dude, zombies are loose and locked ourselves in a library? You are slutty? There are weapon shop in front of here. I'll be a breeze, you will see. Page... a. Okay, page one. -Is it possible? Come on, strive! -What is, is not it. Time is running out. No room for zombies in this town! That's it... Would be a quiet night if it were not for the crazy kids. Holy God! How well are shooting at civilians? -This is police work. No, no. Okay, sheriff. We're just shooting on dead. The undead came to take us to hell we must stop them before they flee. CITY HALL Move, everyone. There is nothing to see. I saw them! I saw them! They are in the city! Let's make them feel the fury of war. Let's tear the apart! Not find here, Norman. -This is useless. -Yeah, I know. And it's boring. I thought I was just going to drive the van, not that would be boring. If I knew so much reading involved, I will not bring a different group of people who hate me. I finished the first. They are exactly 26 pages. Mandel well! I dont believe that this is their plan. I am bite and begin to eat brains... -People! -I should be vegan. There's something moving out there. I think they're zombies. Hide yourselves. Not. They are just adults. Hide! That sound... Do you know what? Sound-nothing things legal. -Guys, come on. -Desist, weirdo. No, we have to keep trying. We've tried and look what happened. I'm scared, Norman. I cant hear it. You never hear. No one ever listens. I am afraid too, but I still have to do that. I hear yes. Whatever what you said, does not work. Think will come out and speak with the dead and all will be well? Is... What will you do? You will ask the zombies to not eat? I should know you will not understand. No one ever understands. Norman, you need to stop with the oddities -and start living in the real world. -All in the real world think I'm a freak. And perhaps they are right. Maybe I'm a freak, but I never asked for their help. So go! Leave! Wow, that was dramatic. Come on! I am not going anywhere, You can't make me go. Dude, you're heavy. -I dont want to talk to you anymore. Excuse... Hello? They're in there, I can feel the flesh! Hello? Help! Someone help me. Let's burn them. Let's them die. My God! You think this has to do with Norman? Of course not. -All, look! Perry, do something! Norman, go down there now. You were supposed to be grounded. His hideous witch. Is this what you want? -Witch! -This is just history. Norman! "Once upon a time, in a... In a distant land, was a king and a queen. In a magnificent castle." Why don't you listen to me? Why are you doing this? Attention: Ms.. Prenderghast. Magistrate this province of Massachusetts. This day, you are being accused the horrible crime of witchcraft. Witnessed by those whose reports have been heard. This court decides that you are... -Guilty. -No. And the charges on you, according to your worst crime... Death Penalty. No. Do you have something to say, in your defense? I was just kidding. With Fire? You talk to the dead. Wait. No. I cant let that threatens these people. You cant do that. -I did nothing wrong. Let'stakeit ... Behangedandexecuted. If I did something wrong, I cant do anything. All I can say, sorry. How could you do that? She was only a child. She and I are no different. Stay away . You must stop the curse. What? dont want to kill me? You can talk to the dead. Us. With it. We need to read the book. send us back to our graves. But it did not work. Is a fairy tale. It's just a bedtime story. It's it, isn't it? A bedtime story, so she can sleep for another year. And now you need my help, because I'm the only one who can hears it? Here is your book. Read yourself. Why'd you do that? We were afraid. From what? Her. I believe we did the right thing. I was wrong. Now, this is our punishment. We thought we knew everything when we were alive. But as Dead. We're lost. Please help us. Every year, someone reads the story in tombs. Before me was Mr. Prenderghast. And before him, others were. But the curse never goes away. Nothing to break. Is never enough. What will you do? Something that nobody tried before. I have to talk to her. Guys, here. Mitch, Mitch, if we die today, might be my last chance to tell how I feel. Unless zombies will come. Technically, we would live longer. Norman? Come on, here. Only can be fun. Stand still where you are! You may already be dead, but I can still shoot! -Wait. -My God! -Son, stay away from zombies. -No, I will not go away. Perry, stay calm. If you get heart attack and what to do? I will return to haunt Norman. Maybe then he will begins to hear me. No. You dont understand what is happening. I speak with them, but not the way you think. It's not the curse that make the zombies hurt. Is that you that hurt the zombies. And I know I've found the way to stop it. He is on their side. Let's hang him. We can't hang him, stupid. We are in the 21st century. So let's get him on fire! Could you stop it and calm the crowd... -Listen to me... -Get them before we eat. Leave him alone! Hand, Alvin, hand! Everyone pay attention! You need to stop trying to kill my brother! You are adults! Stop it! I know that sounds crazy. Believe, I'm also with you on that. But I think this time he really knows what he says. Throughout the night, he is trying to save you, fro the witch's curse. Yes, yes. And all what do you know is burn and kill things. Burn and kill things. Only burning and killing. This , each of you should feel ashamed. How dare? So they dont want to hurt us? No. It seems that some of you are trying to hurt you? They are just people. Well, at least they were. Only stupid people who want to be better. They did something unforgivable. Because they were afraid. They were cursed for it. Now everything is repeating itself. Don't you realize? They were like you. Now it needs to stop. Forever. What is her problem? Norman. What do we do now? -I dont know. -Sure you do. You need to go to the tomb of the witch. -But... -No buts. Listen to me, you bastard. We dont give up. When Dale School massacred our volleyball team, did we give up? -I thought so. -No, we're not give up. I twisted the intorcível, Norman, and I will not let you give up now. -Daddy, can borrow your car? -Why? UrgentNotice: official alert panic ... Light traffic today, isn't it? Norman, he is in my space. She wants you to get away. I heard that. Mother, tell the zombie not to talk about me. Could stop speaking the word with "z"? -Stop using... -How about I stop this car and leave you here until you shut up. He said to turn left here. We've been here We're going in circles. Maybe we should stop and ask someone. Sure, you think we should stop by the cemetery and ask other dead buried eighteenth century? Not a bad idea. I'd like to understand. dont tell me he needs to go to the bathroom. Turn there. Gee, think there is? So... Why are we here? Someone needs to talk to her father. Yes, and why are you, exactly? My God! Careful! Mother Perry! Do something. I'm trying. I think he's stuck! Norman? I'm fine, Mom! Wait for me here. Don't worry. Be careful! Hello? You're not welcome here . Goaway! I really need to talk to you. Whoareyou? I'm Norman. Norman Babcock. You dont know me, but... I know you. We're alike, you and I. You'renotdead. No, apart from that... Andyou'reaboy . Yes taking this too. Youhavenothingtodo with me . -Well, I know how you feel. - No, you don't! . Youknownothingaboutme. I know your name is Agatha Prenderghast. -What? -You must be tired, right? Because it's too late, and.. It was a long night. -You only 11 years and... -I don't want to sleep . And you can't force me . The book is destroyed. And now I no longer have to hear that ridiculous story! Leave me alone! No. I'm not leaving. Just listen to me. Once upon a time, long time ago, -there's a little girl. -What? A little girl who was different... Unlike all residents of her village. I'm not listening! She could see and do things that nobody understood. And that make them scared her. -I don't like this story! -She pulled away from everyone. She was sad and lonely. -She had no one to turn to. -Stop! The more people tried to flee, more fearful they were of her. And they did something horrible. They were so scared, that led -and killed! -No! But despite being dead, -something it returned. -Stop! And that part of it has not disappeared, -even after 300 years. -Stop! The more she got, the less remained of the little girl. -I'll make it stop! -Why? Because... Because... Because you want everyone to feel the sadness that you feel. So whenever you awaken, you play this mean game. But you dont play fair! They hurt me! So you hurt them too? I wanted everyone to see how cruel they're . You're just like them, Agatha! -No, I'm not! -You're a rowdy! No, I'm not! They did something horrible, but... It does't mean you have to do the same. All that's left in there is evil and hideous. -It's not true! -Then stop. This is wrong and you know it! You spent so much time to remember the bad people, and you forgot the good one. There must have been someone who loved you and cared about you. -You dont remember them? -Leave me alone! You're not alone. -You need to remember. -Get away from me! Remember! Aggie... My name was Aggie. I. .. I remember... My mother brought me here once. Sat under the tree and she told me stories. All had happy endings. And then those horrible men took me away. And I never saw her again. Sometimes when people are afraid, they say and do horrible things. I think I was so scared that... You forgot who you are. I dont think you're a witch. Not even . Dont you think? I think you're just a kid with a very special gift. You just wanted people to understand. So we are not that different. But... What about people who hurt you? You never wanted to make them suffer? Yes, but... What good would that do? You think just because there are bad people, there are not good people too? I thought the same thing for a while. But there is always someone who cares. Somewhere. I just wanted my mommy... Sorry, Aggie. She's gone. The story you were telling... How it ends? I think it depends on you. It was here where I buried. Is a great place to sleep. So you can stay with your mother again. Sleep well. Norman! Norman! My brave little man! I thought I was losing you. Mother.. -You're ashamed. -That's what I do. Good job, Norman. Well done, son. You did it. Well .. -We'll need testimonials... -No! My-nail. You know how it is... You joins them and just saying things. I was just in character. Yes, there were others. They forced me. I mean, Norman and I do a lot of things together. inseparable best friends. We do several investigations ways together. We have a blog, you should look. I was thinking if we could go to the movies. -Nothing terror. -I think great, Cathie. You'll love my boyfriend. He ​​is master for romance movies. -Hi, Neil. -You did it! It's over, the curse of the witch and you made the zombies disappear. -You could do everything! -I think so. Just wanted to thank. You stayed by my side all the time. Of course! dont start to get weird... Do you think things will go back to normal? Well .. As normal as possible. -Stop! -Whose lives were ruined by the mysterious tornado last night . Butfirst,seeMadyReiniger, with a cat on roller skates . -Hi Son. -Hi, Dad. What are you watching? -A horror movie. I... Your grandmother is here? Okay, that is clear. She is... She's sitting next to me? Hi, Mom. -What is happening now? -What is happening now? Translated by Light_Arm (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) (SQUEAKS) (GASPS) (SCREAMS) (GROANING) (SCREAMING) Brains! (GASPS) (GROANING) (SCREAMING) (STOPS SCREAMING) (RESUMES SCREAMING) (GROWLS) (CRUNCHING) (CHOMPING) GRANDMA: What's happening now? well, the zombie is eating her head, Grandma. That's not very nice. What's he doing that for? (CHUCKLES) Because he's a zombie. That's what they do. He's going to ruin his dinner. I'm sure if they just bothered to sit down and talk it through, it wouId be a different story. PERRY: Norman, didn't I tell you to take out the garbage? Yeah, coming, Dad. tell him to turn up the thermostat, too, will you? My feet are like ice. PERRY: Come on, fit, you stupid... Hi. What are you watching in there? NORMAN: Sex and violence. Oh, that's nice. (GROANS) Can't you be like other kids your age, and pitch a tent in the yard or have a healthy interest in carpentry? Perry... I thought you said kids my age were too busy shoplifting and joyriding. SANDRA: Norman. He's, Iike, R-I-doubIe-P-E-D. Like, a seven-pack at Ieast. (GRUNTING) Uh-huh. Ew! Watch it! SANDRA: Courtney, be nice. Whoa! Yeah, she totally doesn't deserve him. I mean, she's nice and I really like her, but she's a complete loser. Yeah, I know. Hey, uh, Dad? Grandma says, can you turn up the heating? Her feet are cold. (POPS) (GASPS) (BULB SHATTERS) (PERRY GROANS) Now, Perry... How many times do we have to go through this, son? Your grandmother is dead! I know. Then why do you keep on talking to her? Because she talks back. OMG, you are such a liar. God, I'm not making this up, I swear! She talks to me all the time. Oh, yeah? Prove it. She said, it's not very ladylike to hide photos of the high-schooI quarterback with his shirt off in your underwear drawer. (GASPS) I knew it! Uh! You've been sneaking around in my personal... Ugh! No, I haven't. Grandma told me. You are the worst! Norman, I know you and Grandma were very close, but we all have to move on. Grandma's in a better place now. No, she's not. She's in the living room. Your grandmother was old and sick and she died. That's all there is to it! Okay. Perry, this is just part of the mourning process. Oh, stop indulging him. I'm nothing if I'm not liberal, but that Iimp-wristed hippie garbage needs to be nipped in the bud. This behavior might be okay with your side of the family, but I'm not putting up with it anymore! Not me! Not this again. This isn't the West Coast, Sandra. people talk. They do. He's just sensitive, Perry. Oh, please! Sensitive is writing poetry and being lousy at team sports. Not this. I won't have him turn out like that uncle of yours. If that crazy old tramp has been around here, putting ideas in Norman's head... Perry, no one has had anything to do with uncle Prenderghast in years. I bet he doesn't even know what Norman looks like. (PRENDERGHAST COUGHS) Not much time. Not much time. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) (COUGHING) (GULPS) (MUMBLING) (AUTOMATED GROWLING) (GASPS) (GROANS) (GROANING) (SCOFFS) Good morning! Hey, Bruce, how's it going? Not much. I'm kind of late for school, I need to go. Hi! Nice to see you guys. Good morning. Sorry, I got to run. Oh! Excuse me. Pardon me. See ya! Hey there, little buddy. Come on, come here. (CHUCKLES) Yeah, good to see you. How you doing? Hi, Mrs. Hardman. You look nice today. I Iike what you've done with your hair. Does anyone smell burning? Hey, peace, man. totally. Yeah. As you were, soldier. Sir, yes, sir! Yo, Norman. You playing hooky? No, no, I'm just late for school. Sorry, I got to go. How you doing? Hey, how you doing? Hi. How's it hanging? (LAUGHS) Haven't heard that one before. well, it's a nice day. (COUGHS) Watch and learn. "Parking violation" is my middle name. DWAYNE: really? I thought it was Rhona. FEMALE TOURIST: Suck it in, sweetie. No, no, your gut. There you go. (INDISTINCT TALKING) (BEEPS) (TALKING CEASES) (STUDENTS WHISPERING) (SCHOOL BELL RINGS) (TALKING RESUMES) (GRUNTS) (BOY LAUGHS) Hey, hey, ghost jerk, you know what? (SIGHS) What do you want, alvin? Why don't you go see some more ghosts, Goober? (BOTH LAUGHING) (GROANS) Ooh, ooh, oh. Hey, hey, Norman. (BUZZES) talk to that. (LAUGHS) That's so AIvin! Right? That was good, right, guys? That was fun? files don't talk. neil, come on, Iet's go. (GROANS) You stink of illiteracy! pilgrims! The Mayflower! Don't any of you know anything about the history of this town? (SIGHS DEEPLY) Puritans were strict and devout settlers, who came here to build a home, a place without sin! What is it now, salma? Why is the witch always a hideous old crone with a pointy hat and a broomstick? I don't believe it's historically accurate, Miss Henscher. It's not supposed to be! It's supposed to sell postcards and key chains. So, Iet's try it again! Top of page six, Norman! "The founding fathers of blithe hollow "discovered an evil witch amongst them..." No, no, Norman! With gusto! Like this. "They put her on trial and hanged her! "But the vengeful witch cursed her accusers, seven of them in all, "to die a horrible and gruesome death, "and rise from their graves as the living dead! "Their souls! "Their souls, doomed to an eternity of damnation!" Now, I want you to try that again, but with conviction. My reputation is at stake, here. And I won't have this turn out like that wretched Kabuki debacle of '09... Norman! Are you listening to me, boy? (ALL LAUGHING) Sorry, Mrs. Henscher. So am I. Now, unless there's any other issues, Iet us resume. "They put her on trial and hanged her!" Ooh! This is my moment! (GAGS) (ALL EXCLAIM) (BULLIES LAUGHING) Boom, baby! Sorry. Ah! You useless bunch of... (BELL RINGS) (INDISTINCT TALKING) (PANTING) Norman, wait up! I keep telling you, neil. I Iike to be alone. So do I! Let's do it together. You shouldn't let them get you down. They always do stuff like that to me. Why? Because I'm fat. And my allergies make my eyes leak. And I sweat when I walk too fast. And I have a lunch box with a kitten on it. Ooh. And I have irritable bowel syndrome. I guess there's a whole bunch of stuff. Doesn't it bother you? No. You can't stop bullying. It's part of human nature. If you were bigger and more stupid, you'd probably be a bully, too. It's called "survival of the thickest." Psst! That statue just "psst" at us. Do you know who I am? The weird, stinky old bum who lives up the hill? I was asking him! Yeah, uh, I know. I was told not to talk to you. Sorry. And you know why you're not supposed to talk to me? I can see ghosts, too! And I know that's not all you've been seeing lately, is it? Bad omens? Things you can't quite explain. Strange faces peering through the veil? And I'II bet no one told you about the witch's curse, did they? actually, we're learning about it in school. Oh, oh! I'm a tree! (GROANS) There's something you really need to know. This is the most important thing you will ever hear. The fate of everyone depends on it! Now, listen close. The witch's curse is real! And you're the one who has to stop it. (GASPS) You've got to use your gift (WHEEZING) of talking to the dead. (WHEEZY COUGHING) Because, if you don't, the witch's... Oh, oh. This is the most important thing of all! You've got to... (COUGHING) You've got... You've... (COUGHING) NEIL: Leave him alone! Don't make me throw this hummus. It's spicy. (EXCLAIMS FEARFULLY) This ain't done with! You'II see it soon enough. Watch for the sign. (LAUGHS WHEEZILY) Jeez, what a dirty old creep. He's my uncle. So, is it true? What? Can you see ghosts, Iike, everywhere, all the time? Uh, yeah. Awesome! Ooh, ooh! Do you think you could see my dog Bub? He was ran over by an animal rescue van. Tragic and ironic. We buried him in the yard. could you see him? Maybe. Sweet! Come on! MITCH: neil? Is that you? Hey, Mitch. We're going to go play with the dead dog in the garden, and we're not even going to have to dig him up first! (THUDS) (GRUNTS) You're digging what? What? What did you say? (WHISPERS) NeiI, isn't he that weird kid? You know, "Look at me, I'm talking to ghosts "so people will pay attention to me." Can you stop doing that? It's kind of stupid. Now, listen to me. You don't need to be hanging out with weird people. Okay? That's a tip. Don't blow this for me, Mitch. This one's not weird. He talks to dead people! He's around here somewhere. So, does everyone come back as a ghost? No. My grandma told me it's usually people who still have stuff to figure out, or sometimes it's the ones who died suddenly or in a bad way. (BARKING) NORMAN: Bub? (CHUCKLES) (GASPS) Is he there? How does he look? Uh, good. He's happy to see you. Who's a good boy, huh? Good boy! Can he feel if I pet him? Yeah, I guess. (KISSING) Bubby-wubby-boo. Uh, that's not his chin. (WHISTLES) Go get it! He can't fetch it, you know. Yeah. well, it's still fun. Good boy! Bring it back! Go get it, Bub. (KISSING) Good boy! (LAUGHS) Why don't you try? Because I don't really... You can go. No. No. It's fun, try it. No, I don't want to. You throw it. It's really easy. No, it's okay. You can throw it. I don't mind. No. Come on. It's really fun. Here, you go first. No, you try it. I already went, Iike, 50 times. Okay, what do I do? You get the stick, you pull back and you throw it. (GRUNTS) (GASPS) NeiI? Sorry! (MUFFLED) I fetched it. (CHUCKLES) (BOTH LAUGHING) Are you okay? (GROWLS) I'II show him, and that scary little fat kid. Doesn't he realize we're running out of... Ohh! (GASPS) (THUDS) (GASPING) (LAUGHING) No. Not yet! (LAUGHING) Not yet! (GROANS) Whoa! (GROANING) Aw, nuts. No, no, I don't want to go! I want to go home! I don't want to go! CHILDREN: (SINGING) Must be the season of the witch, yeah Great. Now I'II never get to remember this moment. Must be the season of the witch (APPLAUSE) MAN: You suck. (SIGHS) I curse you accusers to die a horrible and gruesome death, and rise from your graves as the living dead! Your souls doomed to an eternity of damnation. (ALVIN SCREAMS) (SCATTERED APPLAUSE) ALL: (CHANTING) kill the witch! kill the witch! kill the witch! (GASPS) Gosh, aren't they adorable? (ALL CHANTING) (OWL HOOTING) (CONTINUES HOOTING) What? What? Oh, no. Not again. PURITAN 1 : This way. Over here. PURITAN 2: Witch! We know you're out there. (TWIG CRACKS) (GASPS) There! No! Witch. (PANTING) (GASPS) (SCREAMS) (GROWLS) (DISTORTED) The dead are coming! (SCREAMS) (GASPS) Hey, buddy. Are you okay? (SCREAMING) The dead are coming! (ALL GASP) Norman! (GROANS) Did he say the dead are coming? No! No, no, no, no. Yes! The tree told me! (AUDIENCE MURMURING) PERRY: This is where it stops. It's one thing being a mental case in front of your family, but not the whole freaking town! There is not going to be any more talking to ghosts, or grandmas, or what is it now? I think it's trees. (GROANS) You are grounded. Do you hear me? This is ridiculous. I wish everyone could see what I see. I didn't ask to be born this way. Funny. Neither did we. (GROANS) Kids. It never ends. It never ends! You know, sometimes people say things that seem mean, but they do it because they're afraid. He's my dad. He shouldn't be afraid of me. He's not afraid of you. He's afraid for you. BOY 1 : Look! It's AbNorman. (CHILDREN LAUGHING) GIRL: What did the tree tell you today, Norman? BOY 2: Are the dead coming soon, Norman? CHILDREN: (CHANTING) Norman is a loser! Norman is a loser! (WATER DRIPPING) (SIGHS) (RATTLING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (EXCLAIMING FEARFULLY) Whoa! Huh? Whoa! Whoa! (NORMAN EXCLAIMING FEARFULLY) Ugh! (SCREAMING) (GASPS) You... You died? Yeah, but I got unfinished business here. Oh. CouIdn't you use another stall? My ghost isn't going anywhere, until I pass on my duty to another. (LAUGHING) And that would be you. Me? No, no, no, no. You must have it wrong. Ho hoo, it's you, all right. I've been holding back the witch's curse for years. But now I'm dead. It has to be you. But I... I don't know what any of it means. It means the past is coming back to haunt you! Time is running out! The anniversary of the witch's death is tonight! Her ghost is going to wake up. And when she does, she'II raise the dead. (EXCLAIMS FEARFULLY) You've got to keep her in her grave! But I'm just a kid! How am I supposed to stop it? Read from the book at the spot the witch was buried. What book? The one in my hands. Not these hands! My other hands. The "me" that's at home in my study starting to smell a little funny. Get the book and read from it before the sun sets tonight. (STAMMERS) But this is crazy. Do I Iook crazy to you? tell me you'II do this. (STAMMERING) Swear! You mean like the "F" word? I mean, promise! Okay, okay. I... I promise. That will do. No, Mr. Prenderghast, wait! Sorry, kid, I'm done here. I'm free! I'm finally free! (LAUGHING) NORMAN: Wait. No, you can't leave now! (LAUGHING) NORMAN: please! I don't understand! Uh... Yeah, you, uh... You might want to give that a few minutes. (FLUSHING) Norman? Hey, what's the big deal? Don't get your bra in a twist, fat boy. This has nothing to do with you, so keep out of my way. Or what? Or I'II punch you in the boobs. I don't have boobs. These are pectoraIs. Ow, my boobs! You're dead, freak show! Do you hear me? D-E-D, dead! You're going to be so dead, that you're going to have to talk to yourself when you're dead! PERRY: I really don't think we should be leaving him. Perry, you promised me a meal that someone else microwaved. He's probably up there right now, fiddling with his Ouija, or his orbs, or whatever it is he's got up there! This is not good! (DOOR CLOSES) Uh! Ah! (GRUNTS) (TOY SQUEAKS) (SIGHS) (CELL PHONE RINGS) (GASPS) (BEEPS) (YELLS) Do you want to play some hockey? You know, I've kind of got other things on my mind right now. Is it all that walking dead stuff again? Mr. Prenderghast appeared to me in the bathroom. Ew. No! His spirit. He says the witch's curse is real, and I have to go up to the old graveyard and stop it before the sun sets tonight. So, you want to come play a bit later? Didn't you hear what I just said? Yeah, but I thought my idea was the less likely to get us eaten. Just go home, neil. I'm better off on my own, anyway. But... Go home! Jeez. Who rattled your chains? No one. Hmm. Dad says I'm not supposed to talk to you anymore, Grandma. Jackass. If I were a poltergeist, I'd throw something at his head. (GRUNTS) You know, by rights, I'm supposed to be frolicking in paradise with your grandfather. But I'm not. So, why did you stay? I was never one for frolicking. I'II bet there's no cable or canasta up there, either. Besides, I promised I'd always look out for you. So, it's your duty. Uh, in a manner of speaking. And you would do it, no matter what? Of course! Even if it was something really scary? There's nothing wrong with being scared, Norman, so long as you don't let it change who you are. COURTNEY: So, I said to her, "girl, come back and talk to me "when your basket toss gets 1 2,000 hits on YouTube!" Yeah. No, I said that. Yeah, I'm stuck on lame patrol. Tonight's going to be a total yawn. (DOOR SLAMS) (GROANS LOUDLY) Norman! You better not be sneaking out, you little weirdo! (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING) ALVIN: Whoa! (GRUNTS) (GROWLS) (BIRD SQUAWKING) (GULPS) hello? Mr. Prenderghast? Ugh! (SQUEAKING) (GASPS) (FLOORBOARDS CREAKING) (CELL PHONE BEEPS) Oh, come on. Darn it. (GASPS) (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) Let go! Come on! (CHUCKLES) (CREAKING) (GRUNTS) Ah! (GRUNTING) (PANTING) (SHIVERS) (EXCLAIMING) This is it. (GRUNTS) Read from the book, stop the curse, go home, and pretend this never happened. (WIND WHISTLING) (CLEARS THROAT) "Once upon a time, in a far-off land, "there lived a king and a queen in a magnificent castle." What? A fairy tale? Ooh, what have you got there, GeekuIa? No! Give it back! (LAUGHS) Oh, I can't wait to see everybody's faces when they hear about this one. No, no. Don't! alvin! Hey. Nobody makes me miss out on a possible date with a girl that almost had some interest in talking to me. Yeah? Thought so! You got nothing to say. Uh-oh. Dang straight, "Uh-oh." That's what happens when AIvin gets around here. "Uh-oh, is that AIvin?" "Uh-oh, alvin's going to make me run home to Mommy." (THUNDER RUMBLING) Uh-oh. What is that? It's her. (BOTH EXCLAIM FEARFULLY) (SHRILL SCREECH) (GASPS) (THUDDING) What's that sound? (BOTH YELL) (BOTH EXCLAIM FEARFULLY) (GROWLING) (YELLS) (GROANING) (GROANING) (BOTH GROANING) (MOANING) (ZOMBIES GROANING AND MOANING) (BLABBERING) (THUDDING) (ROARS) Ah! "Once upon a time, in a far-off... "Once upon a time, in a..." Make it stop, please, now please! (STAMMERING) It's not working! (GROWLING) Stop! Stop? You must stop! What? Norman? What are you doing? I think I peed my pants! Wait! (CHOMPING) (DOORBELL RINGS) MITCH: neil! will you get the door? I'm busy. Are you freeze-framing Mom's aerobics DVD again? No! (DOORBELL RINGS) neil! would it kill you to get off your butt and answer the door? (MOCKING) God. Oh, I'm going to kill them! I know you're in there! slumber party is over, dorks! Um, can I help you? hell, yeah. (CHUCKLES) Hmm. Oh, I... Sorry to bug you so late. Um, does, uh... neil live here? Yeah. He's my brother. Oh, wow! That's great! Your brother and my brother are, Iike, best friends! I'm Courtney. Hey, neil! Come here a minute. There's a girl asking for you. COURTNEY: Hey, there! How are you doing, little guy? neil? Yeah, neil. Do you know where Norman is? He kind of disappeared. Oh, no. Idea! I have no idea where he is. Sorry. Bye! MITCH: Whoa, neil. Better start talking, buddy. I didn't really think he was serious about going up to the old graveyard on his own. That's so Norman! Oh, man, that place is bad news. It's like a total sIasher-movie vibe. Why did he go up there? I don't know. Maybe we should go look for him. I told you he was trouble. Sorry, but I did. No, it's fine. He sucks. But I got to make sure he doesn't, you know, die or anything tonight. will you help me? please? Okay. I guess I should go get some clothes on. Mmm! Uh, is Norman in trouble? (SCREAMS) (GASPS) Are they going to try to eat our brains? I think you'II be safe. Oh, thank God! I don't get it. Why didn't it work? The Story of Sleeping Beauty? This doesn't make any sense! Wait! Where are you going? Mr. Prenderghast, I don't understand. Just tell me what to do! Dude, what are you doing? He told me to read from the book to stop the curse! I thought it was like a spell or something, but... Come on. There has to be something. I really need to get home because I've got a seriously early curfew. Okay, seven victims. My mom gets really upset... Seven victims. (POUNDING) (GASPS) Oh, no. Okay, got to defend ourselves. We got to shoot them in the head with, Iike, some sort of silver stake or something. Seven victims. I'm way too awesome to get eaten. Seven graves. Norman, are you listening to me? You really got to do something! The witch's grave! It wasn't there! I was reading the book in the wrong place! Hide! What? (ALL GROANING) (WHIMPERS) (MOANING) (GROWLING) ZOMBIE: Huh? (ALVIN SCREAMING) (GASPS) (GASPS) (GROWLS) (SCREAMS) (PANTS) (GRUNTS) Come on! COURTNEY: And she said, "I couId totally consider "a career in formation swimming." But I was like, "I want to do something "that helps people less fortunate than me, thank you very much." You know? Like, um... Like the poor. Or people who are dying, or ugly or something. Because I really think that ecology and world peace are, Iike, totally important today. Do you use free weights? Because your deltoids are huge! I've never used deItoids in my Iife, I swear. You can test me. kill me now. Thank you for doing this, Mitch. He means an awful lot to me, you know? I Iove him like he was a brother. NEIL: He is your brother. (THUNDER CRASHING) Whoa! Look at that sky! Look out! Oh, no! (TIRES SCREECHING) That was Norman! (BOTH SCREAMING) MITCH: Is everyone okay? No. No. Uh, hello, sir? COURTNEY: Is he dead or what? I don't know. He's not moving. (LOW GROWL) He's still breathing! COURTNEY: So, he's okay? Uh... Not exactly. COURTNEY: What? What did you just say? Does anyone know CPR or... Run! (GROWLS) (SCREAMS) Did you see that? That was insane. I know, right? I kicked that, Iike, a hundred yards! Norman, what just happened? Zombies! I swear, okay? We saw them burst out of their graves for real! Just so you know, I totally saved his life, and I couId totally save yours. COURTNEY: Sorry, who are you? I'm AIvin. Guys? Maybe we should actually drive away now. Oh, right. (SCREAMING) (COUGHING) (MOANS) (EXCLAIMING FEARFULLY) (ALL GROANING) (THUNDER RUMBLING) Pesky kids with their cell phones, burning up the ozone. That's what this is. What the... (GROWLS) Ugh! I just knew something like this was going to happen tonight. You did? Wow. Because that zombie bit really threw me. Why do you have to go and get everyone involved in all your weird stuff? well, you weren't supposed to follow me, were you? Sorry, my fault. When I'm nervous, I get mouth diarrhea. (LAUGHS) Whoa! Diarrhea! Oh, my gosh! I think I'm having an aneurysm. Oh, this is so typical of you! No. You don't understand. I'm the only one who can stop this, Courtney! Oh, I understand. I understand that this is all getting completely out of... Hand! Ah! (GROWLING) (BOTH SCREAMING) What do we do? What do we do? Mitch! I don't know! I don't know! You're the oldest. Not mentally! Oh, great, the cops. (SIREN WAILING) pull over the vehicle! Norman! How do we stop them? I'm supposed to read from the book at the witch's grave. We've got to go back to the graveyard? She wasn't buried with the others. I don't know where else to look! well, you better think of something, quick! Oh, I have an idea! SALMA: So, Norman, Iet me get this straight. You guys all go on this big supernatural adventure, and you're calling me in the middle of the night because you need someone to help you do your homework? Uh, yeah. We need to find out where the witch is buried! (SCREAMS) Oh, no! I went to the old graveyard, but her grave wasn't there. well, duh. people found guilty of witchcraft weren't considered people anymore. Norman, your witch was buried someplace else. In an unmarked grave. Mitch, do something! (SCREAMS) If you cared to pay attention some of the time, you would know that we covered this in fifth-grade history class. salma! please hurry! Oh, no! (BOTH SCREAMING) NORMAN: I would google this myself if there wasn't a 300-year-old dead guy trying to rip my face off. (SIGHS) Okay, okay. It says here she was tried in the old town hall on Main Street. There may be a record of her execution and burial in the archives. Quick! She said, "Go to the town hall!" (HUMMING) (GASPS) (SCREAMING) Oh, my goodness! SANDRA: I really think it might help if you tried to see things from his point of view. PERRY: I don't want to. Perry, not believing in the afterlife is like not believing in astrology. I have no idea what you're talking about. seriously. Where did you learn that? calm down. (SCREAMS) delinquent drivers! Where are the police when you need them? (GRUNTS) (GROANING) (GROWLS) (ALL SCREAM) (GIGGLING) (ALL SCREAM) (GRUNTS) MITCH: Oh, my gosh. COURTNEY: I broke a nail. MITCH: I'm going to be sick. Yeah! alvin the zombie slayer! I got you! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (ALVIN SOBS) Baby, I'm so sorry. You'II be all right. We're going to get through this together. (CAR LOCK CHIRPS) Uh-oh. (THUNDER RUMBLING) Come on! Oh, yeah! (HUMMING INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC) Perfect. Now the geeks are in charge. (HUMMING) (COIN CLINKING) (BEEPING) (WHIRRING) (ZOMBIE GROANING) (GASPS) (ALL GROANING) (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (GROANING EXCITEDLY) (ALL GASPING) (SCREAMING) (CHUCKLING) Booyah! (KISSES) (EXPLOSION) (CACKLING) (SCREAMING) See? I told you! Zombies! It's the witch's curse! Mama? What? What should we do? (ALL GROANING) kill 'em in the head! Yeah! Hurry! This way! (SCREAMING) COURTNEY: Oh, this is awful! The zombies are, Iike, eating everyone! Come on! (ALL PANTING) Is everyone all right? Nobody got bitten? I bit my tongue. Does that count? (RATTLES) Does anyone know how to pick a lock? Sure. Picking locks is my thing. (LOCK CLICKS) Boom. This is it! This is? Now we can find out where the witch was buried. Uh-oh. Whoa. Great. I'm super-psyched. This is turning into the most fun night ever! Man! Zombies take over the world and we lock ourselves in a library! Are you kidding me? There's an adult video store just across the street. This will be a piece of cake, you'II see. Page one. Okay, page one. MITCH: I really hate these places. (GRUNTS) Come on. feel it, push yourself. That's not it. Time is running out. Ain't room for no more zombies in this town! Yeah! Huh? (ALL CLAMORING) (GRUNTING) (GUNSHOT) Oh! Ya-ha-hoo! (MUMBLING) (EXCLAIMS JOYFULLY) It would have been a quiet night, too, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids. Hmm! Sweet baby jinkies! What do you think you're doing, firing at civilians? That is for the police to do! Oh, no, no, no, it's okay, Sheriff. We've only been shooting at the dead ones. It's the living dead, come to take us all to hell! We've got to stop them before they get away! (ALL GROANING) (MUMBLING) (ALL GASP) (GRUMBLES) Move along now, people! There isn't anything to see here! I saw them! I saw them! They're in the town hall! Cry "Havoc," and let slip the dogs of war! Let's rip 'em apart! (ALL CHEERING) We're not going to find it in here, Norman. This is useless! Yeah, I know, and it's also really boring. I thought I was driving the van. No one told me I was going to have to do this other dumb stuff. (SIGHS) If I had known there was so much reading involved, I would have brought a completely different group of people who hate me. Yes! Book number one, finished! That is right. Twenty-six pages. Oh, yeah! (ALL GROAN) (ALL SHOUTING) I can't believe this is your plan. I'm going to get bitten and start eating people's brains. I'm supposed to be vegan! There's something moving out there. I think it's the zombies. Hide! Oh, no, it's not. It's just grown-ups. Hide! (GLASS SHATTERS) That sound. Do you know what that is? That's not awesome things. Guys, come on! Just give it up, you wiener. No, we have to keep trying. Uh! We tried, and look what happened. I'm scared, Norman, and I can't listen to this anymore. You never listen. No one ever listens! I'm scared, too, but I've still got to do this. I do too listen! And whatever it was you just said, it's not working. You think you're going to go out there, do your "talking to the dead" thing, and this is all going to be okay? What are you going to do? Huh? Ask the zombies not to eat you? I should have known you wouldn't understand. No one ever does! Norman, you need to stop all this weird stuff, and start living in the real world. Everyone in the real world thinks I'm a freak! And you know what? Maybe they're right. Maybe I am a freak. But I never asked for your help! Just go! Get out! Jeez, that was dramatic. Ugh! Come on! I'm not going anywhere. You can't make me. Oh! Dude, you're really heavy. NEIL: I'm not speaking to you. You can't make me. Um, excuse me! hello? (SCREAMS) They're in there, all right. I can feel its clammy flesh! hello? (GROANING) (GASPS) help! Somebody, help me! Let's burn them out! We're all going to die! (GROWLING) Oh, my gosh. Do you think this has got anything to do with Norman? Of course not. Everyone, look! Perry, do something! Norman! Get down from there this instant! You're supposed to be grounded! You horrible old witch! Is this what you want? Necromancer! This is all his doing! Norman! "Once upon a time, in a far-off land, "there lived a king and a queen in a magnificent castle." (LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY) Why won't you listen to me? Why are you doing this? (SCREAMING) Agatha Prenderghast of His Majesty's province of Massachusetts, on this day you have been arraigned for the horrible crime of witchcraft witnessed by those whose testimonies have been heard. You have, by this court, been found guilty! No! And it is passed on you, according to your grievous crimes, execution! (AGGIE SOBBING) No! No! Do you have anything to say for yourself? I was only playing. Aye! With fire! You were speaking with the dead! Wait! No! I'II not risk damnation on these good people. No, you can't do this! I didn't do anything wrong! You are to be taken to the place of execution where you will be hanged by the neck until you be dead. Stop! Leave me alone or I'II make you sorry! I'II make all of you sorry! (GASPS) How could you? She was just a little kid. She was no different than me. Keep away from me! You must stop the curse. What? You don't want to kill me? You can speak to the dead. To us. To her. We need you to read from the book to send us all back to the grave. But it didn't work! It's a fairy tale! Just a bedtime story. That's it, isn't it? A bedtime story, to keep a little girl asleep for another year. And now you need my help because I'm the only one who can read it to her. Here's your book! Try reading it yourself. Why did you do it? We were scared. Of what? Of her. I believed we were doing what was right. I was wrong. Now, this is our punishment. We thought we knew our way in life, but in death, we are lost. please help us. Every year, someone reads the story at her grave. Before me, it was Mr. Prenderghast, and before him, there were others, but the curse doesn't ever go away. Nothing gets better. It's not enough. What will you do? Something nobody ever did before. I've got to go talk to her. (MALICIOUS LAUGHTER) (ALL YELLING) (ALL GASP) Guys, guys! Under here, under here! Mitch, Mitch, if we die tonight, this may be the Iast chance I get to tell you how I feel. Uh, well, no, unless we get brought back as zombies, and then, technically, you'II have longer. Norman? Come on! This way! You've got to be kidding me. (ALL GASP) (ZOMBIES GROANING) You stay right where you are! You may be dead already, but I will still shoot you! Wait! (GASPS) Oh, my gosh. Son! Step away from the zombies! No, I won't. Perry, calm down! You're going to have a heart attack, and then what are you going to do? I'II come back and haunt Norman! Maybe then he'II start listening to me. No! No, you don't understand what's happening here. I spoke to them, and it's not what you think. The curse isn't about the zombies hurting you, it's about you hurting them. I figured it out, and I know a way to stop this. He's in league with them! Let's hang him! We can't hang him, stupid! It's the 21st century! Then let's burn him! Can you stop being a mob for just one minute? Listen to me! Get them before they eat us! (ALL SHOUTING) Leave him alone! (ALL GASP) (GASPS) Hand, alvin. My hand. Everybody, listen up! You all need to stop trying to kill my brother! You're adults! You stop it! I know that this seems crazy. believe me, I am with you on that. But I think he does actually know what he's talking about. AII night, he's been trying to save you from the witch's curse. Yeah! Yeah! And all you want to do is burn and murder stuff, burn and murder stuff. Just burning and murdering. Yeah, shame on every single one of you! How dare you all? So, they're not going to hurt us? No. Does it look like any of them are trying to hurt you? They're just people. well, at Ieast they used to be. Just stupid people who should have known better. They did something unforgivable because they were scared, and they were cursed for it. Now it's happening all over again. Don't you get it? They were just like you. But now it has to stop. For good. (SCREAMING SHRILLY) (ALL SCREAMING) Jeez, what is her problem? Oh, Norman! So, what do we do now? (STAMMERING) I really don't know. COURTNEY: Yes, you do, Norman. You've got to get to that witch's grave. But... But nothing! Listen to me, buster. We didn't turn away when DaIeridge High was slaughtering our volleyball team, did we? I thought we did. No, we didn't. I have cheered the uncheerabIe, Norman, and I'm not letting you give up now! Dad, could I borrow the car? Excuse me? FEMALE REPORTER: Officials are urging people to panic and run... (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) (SNIFFS) (PEOPLE CLAMORING) (HORNS BLARING) Whoo, boy. The traffic tonight, huh? Norman! Uh! He's on my side of the seat. She wants you to move over. (MUMBLING) Um, I heard that! Mom, tell the zombie to stop saying stuff about me. Can you quit using the "Z" word? (MIMICKING) PERRY: So help me, I will stop this car right now if all three of you don't quit it this instant! (MUMBLING) NORMAN: He says, take a left here. PERRY: We've already been this way! We're going around in circles! SANDRA: Maybe we should pull over and ask someone. Oh, right! You think maybe we should stop at a graveyard and dig up some other 18th-century corpses? It's not a bad idea. I wish I understood you. (MUMBLES) (GROANS) please don't tell me he needs to use the bathroom. Turn down there! SANDRA: Oh, my. Do you think that's it? PERRY: So, why are we here? Someone has got to talk to her, Dad. Yeah. Why is that person you, exactly? (GASPS) Oh, my goodness. Look out! Mom! (SCREAMS) Perry! Do something! I am trying! Kick it in the knothole! Norman? I'm okay, Mom! Just wait for me here. Don't worry. Be careful! (GASPS) Uh... hello? AGGIE: You're not welcome here. Go away. I really need to speak with you. Who are you? I'm Norman. Norman Babcock. You don't actually know me, but I know you. We're actually kind of the same, you and I. You're not dead. well, no, apart from that. And you're a boy. well, yes. That, too. You're not like me at all! well, I know how you feel. No, you don't. You don't know anything about me. I know your name is Agatha Prenderghast. What? And I know you're probably tired, right? Because, I mean, it's really late, and it's been a Iong night, and we're, Iike, only 1 1 years old, and... I don't want to go to sleep, and you can't make me. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) I burned the book into dust. Now I don't have to listen to that stupid story anymore! Leave me alone. No. No, I'm not leaving. Just listen to me. Once upon a time, long ago, there was a little girl. What? A little girl who was different... Who was different from the other people in her village. I'm not listening! She could see and do things that no one could understand, and that made them scared of her. I don't like this story! She turned away from everyone, and became sad and lonely, and had no one to turn to! Stop it! But the more she turned away from people, the more scared they were of her, and they did something terrible! They became so scared that they took her away and they killed her! No! But even though she was dead, something in her came back. Stop! And this part of her, it wouldn't go away. Not for 300 years! Shut up! And the longer it stayed, the less there was of the little girl. (SHRIEKING) I'II make you suffer! Why? Because... Because... Because you want everyone to hurt just as much as you are. So, whenever you wake up, you play this mean game, but you don't play fair! They hurt me. So, you hurt them back? I wanted everyone to see how rotten they were. You're just like them, Agatha. No, I'm not! You're a bully! No, I'm not! Ahh! They did something awful, but that doesn't mean you should, too. AII that's left in you now is mean and horrible! That's not true! Then stop! This is wrong and you know it! You spent so long remembering the bad people that you've forgotten the good ones. There must have been somebody who loved you and cared for you. You don't remember them? Leave me alone! But you're not alone! You have to remember! Keep away from me! Remember! Aggie. My name was Aggie. I remember, my mommy brought me here once. We sat under the tree and she told me stories. They all had happy endings. And then those horrible men came and took me away, and I never saw her again! (GASPS) (SOBS) Sometimes when people get scared, they say and do terrible things. I think you got so scared that you forgot who you are. But I don't think you're a witch. Not really. You don't? I think you're just a little kid with a really special gift who only ever wanted people to understand her. So, we're not all that different at all. But what about the people who hurt you? Don't you ever want to make them suffer? well, yeah, but what good would that do? You think just because there's bad people out there, that there's no good ones either? I thought the same thing for a while, but there's always someone out there for you, somewhere. I just want my mommy. I'm sorry, Aggie. She's gone. That story you were telling, how does it end? I think that's up to you. Is this where they buried me? It's a pretty good place to sleep. Then you can be with your mom again. (SIGHS) sleep tight. Norman? Norman! My brave little man! I thought I was going to lose you. (KISSING) Mom! You're embarrassing me. That's my job. COURTNEY: Psst. Good job, Norman. well done, son. You did it. So, are we going to need statements? No! Ow! That was my fingernail. You know what it's like. You join a mob and you say things. (CHUCKLES) I was merely inhabiting the role. Yeah, it was the others. They pushed me into it. Yeah, me and Norman are in a Iot of the same classes. We're pretty much inseparable best buds, and we do a Iot of psychic investigations together. We have a blog, actually. You should check it out. So, I was thinking maybe we could catch a movie sometime. Nothing scary. That sounds great, Kathy. You know, you're going to love my boyfriend. He's, Iike, a total chick-fIick nut! Hey, neil. You did it! You stopped the witch's curse, and made the zombies go away and saved pretty much everything! I guess. I just wanted to say thanks. You stood by me, all the time. Yeah, of course! Don't get weird or anything. So, do you think now everything is going to turn back to normal? well, as normal as it could be. (SCREAMS) Oh! Stop it! MALE NEWS REPORTER: ...whose lives have been ruined by last night's mystery tornado. But first, here's Mindy Rinager, with a kitten on roller skates. Son. Hi, Dad. What are you watching? A scary movie. Oh, yeah. Um... Your grandma here, is she? Right. Of course she is. Is she, uh... Is she, uh, sitting next to me? Hi, Mom. BOTH: So, what's happening now? (CHUCKLES) Brains! What's happening now? Well, the zombie is eating her head, Grandma. That's not very nice. What's he doing that for? Because he's a zombie. That's what they do. He's going to ruin his dinner. I'm sure if they just bothered to sit down and talk it through, it would be a different story. Norman, didn't I tell you to take out the garbage? Yeah, coming, Dad. Tell him to turn up the thermostat, too, will you? My feet are like ice. Come on, fit, you stupid... Hi. What are you watching in there? Sex and violence. Oh, that's nice. Can't you be like other kids your age, and pitch a tent in the yard or have a healthy interest in carpentry? Perry... I thought you said kids my age were too busy shoplifting and joyriding. Norman. He's, like, R-I-double-P-E-D. Like, a seven-pack at least. Uh-huh. Ew! Watch it! Courtney, be nice. Whoa! Yeah, she totally doesn't deserve him. I mean, she's nice and I really like her, but she's a complete loser. Yeah, I know. Hey, uh, Dad? Grandma says, can you turn up the heating? Her feet are cold. Now, Perry... How many times do we have to go through this, son? Your grandmother is dead! I know. Then why do you keep on talking to her? Because she talks back. OMG, you are such a liar. God, I'm not making this up, I swear! She talks to me all the time. Oh, yeah? Prove it. She said, it's not very ladylike to hide photos of the high-school quarterback with his shirt off in your underwear drawer. I knew it! Uh! You've been sneaking around in my personal... Ugh! No, I haven't. Grandma told me. You are the worst! Norman, I know you and Grandma were very close, but we all have to move on. Grandma's in a better place now. No, she's not. She's in the living room. Your grandmother was old and sick and she died. That's all there is to it! Okay. Perry, this is just part of the mourning process. Oh, stop indulging him. I'm nothing if I'm not liberal, but that limp-wristed hippie garbage needs to be nipped in the bud. This behavior might be okay with your side of the family, but I'm not putting up with it any more! Not me! Not this again. This isn't the West Coast, Sandra. People talk. They do. He's just sensitive, Perry. Oh, please! Sensitive is writing poetry and being lousy at team sports. Not this. I won't have him turn out like that uncle of yours. If that crazy old tramp has been around here, putting ideas in Norman's head... Perry, no one has had anything to do with Uncle Prenderghast in years. I bet he doesn't even know what Norman looks like. Not much time. Not much time. Good morning! Hey, Bruce, how's it going? Not much. I'm kind of late for school, I need to go. Hi! Nice to see you guys. Good morning. Sorry, I got to run. Oh! Excuse me. Pardon me. See ya! Hey there, little buddy. Come on, come here. Yeah, good to see you. How you doing? Hi, Mrs. Hardman. You look nice today. I like what you've done with your hair. Does anyone smell burning? Hey, peace, man. Totally. Yeah. As you were, soldier. Sir, yes, sir! Yo, Norman. You playing hooky? No, no, I'm just late for school. Sorry, I got to go. How you doing? Hey, how you doing? Hi. How's it hanging? Haven't heard that one before. Well, it's a nice day. Watch and learn. "Parking violation" is my middle name. Really? I thought it was Rhona. Suck it in, sweetie. No, no, your gut. There you go. Hey, hey, ghost jerk, you know what? What do you want, Alvin? Why don't you go see some more ghosts, Goober? Ooh, ooh, oh. Hey, hey, Norman. Talk to that. That's so Alvin! Right? That was good, right, guys? That was fun? Flies don't talk. Neil, come on, let's go. You stink of illiteracy! Pilgrims! The Mayflower! Don't any of you know anything about the history of this town? Puritans were strict and devout settlers, who came here to build a home, a place without sin! What is it now, Salma? Why is the witch always a hideous old crone with a pointy hat and a broomstick? I don't believe it's historically accurate, Miss Henscher. It's not supposed to be! It's supposed to sell postcards and key chains. So, let's try it again! Top of page six, Norman! "The founding fathers of Blithe Hollow discovered an evil witch amongst them... " No, no, Norman! With gusto! Like this. "They put her on trial and hanged her!" "But the vengeful witch cursed her accusers, seven of them in all, to die a horrible and gruesome death, and rise from their graves as the living dead!" "Their souls!" "Their souls, doomed to an eternity of damnation!" Now, I want you to try that again, but with conviction. My reputation is at stake, here. And I won't have this turn out like that wretched Kabuki debacle of '09... Norman! Are you listening to me, boy? Sorry, Mrs. Henscher. So am I. Now, unless there's any other issues, let us resume. "They put her on trial and hanged her!" Ooh! This is my moment! Boom, baby! Sorry. Ah! You useless bunch of... Norman, wait up! I keep telling you, Neil. I like to be alone. So do I! Let's do it together. You shouldn't let them get you down. They always do stuff like that to me. Why? Because I'm fat. And my allergies make my eyes leak. And I sweat when I walk too fast. And I have a lunch box with a kitten on it. Ooh. And I have irritable bowel syndrome. I guess there's a whole bunch of stuff. Doesn't it bother you? No. You can't stop bullying. It's part of human nature. If you were bigger and more stupid, you'd probably be a bully, too. It's called "survival of the thickest. " Psst! That statue just "psst" at us. Do you know who I am? The weird, stinky old bum who lives up the hill? I was asking him! Yeah, uh, I know. I was told not to talk to you. Sorry. And you know why you're not supposed to talk to me? I can see ghosts, too! And I know that's not all you've been seeing lately, is it? Bad omens? Things you can't quite explain. Strange faces peering through the veil? And I'll bet no one told you about the witch's curse, did they? Actually, we're learning about it in school. Oh, oh! I'm a tree! There's something you really need to know. This is the most important thing you will ever hear. The fate of everyone depends on it! Now, listen close. The witch's curse is real! And you're the one who has to stop it. You've got to use your gift of talking to the dead. Because, if you don't, the witch's... Oh, oh. This is the most important thing of all! You've got to... You've got... You've... Leave him alone! Don't make me throw this hummus. It's spicy. This ain't done with! You'll see it soon enough. Watch for the sign. Jeez, what a dirty old creep. He's my uncle. So, is it true? What? Can you see ghosts, like, everywhere, all the time? Uh, yeah. Awesome! Ooh, ooh! Do you think you could see my dog Bub? He was ran over by an animal rescue van. Tragic and ironic. We buried him in the yard. Could you see him? Maybe. Sweet! Come on! Neil? Is that you? Hey, Mitch. We're going to go play with the dead dog in the garden, and we're not even going to have to dig him up first! You're digging what? What? What did you say? Neil, isn't he that weird kid? You know, "Look at me, I'm talking to ghosts so people will pay attention to me. " Can you stop doing that? It's kind of stupid. Now, listen to me. You don't need to be hanging out with weird people. Okay? That's atip. Don't blow this for me, Mitch. This one's not weird. He talks to dead people! He's around here somewhere. So, does everyone come back as a ghost? No. My grandma told me it's usually people who still have stuff to figure out, or sometimes it's the ones who died suddenly or in a bad way. Bub? Is he there? How does he look? Uh, good. He's happy to see you. Who's a good boy, huh? Good boy! Can he feel if I pet him? Yeah, I guess. Bubby-wubby-boo. Uh, that's not his chin. Go get it! He can't fetch it, you know. Yeah. Well, it's still fun. Good boy! Bring it back! Go get it, Bub. Good boy! Why don't you try? Because I don't really... You can go. No. No. It's fun, try it. No, I don't want to. You throw it. It's really easy. No, it's okay. You can throw it. I don't mind. No. Come on. It's really fun. Here, you go first. No, you try it. I already went, like, 50 times. Okay, what do I do? You get the stick, you pull back and you throw it. Neil? Sorry! I fetched it. Are you okay? I'll show him, and that scary little fat kid. Doesn't he realize we're running out of... Ohh! No. Not yet! Not yet! Whoa! Aw, nuts. No, no, I don't want to go! I want to go home! I don't want to go! Must be the season of the witch, yeah Great. Now I'll never get to remember this moment. Must be the season of the witch You suck. I curse you accusers to die a horrible and gruesome death, and rise from your graves as the living dead! Your souls doomed to an eternity of damnation. Kill the witch! Kill the witch! Kill the witch! Gosh, aren't they adorable? What? What? Oh, no. Not again. This way. Over here. Witch! We know you're out there. There! No! Witch. The dead are coming! Hey, buddy. Are you okay? The dead are coming! Norman! Did he say the dead are coming? No! No, no, no, no. Yes! The tree told me! This is where it stops. It's one thing being a mental case in front of your family, but not the whole freaking town! There is not going to be any more talking to ghosts, or grandmas, or what is it now? I think it's trees. You are grounded. Do you hear me? This is ridiculous. I wish everyone could see what I see. I didn't ask to be born this way. Funny. Neither did we. Kids. It never ends. It never ends! You know, sometimes people say things that seem mean, but they do it because they're afraid. He's my dad. He shouldn't be afraid of me. He's not afraid of you. He's afraid for you. Look! It's AbNorman. What did the tree tell you today, Norman? Are the dead coming soon, Norman? Norman is a loser! Norman is a loser! Whoa! Huh? Whoa! Whoa! Ugh! You... You died? Yeah, but I got unfinished business here. Oh. Couldn't you use another stall? My ghost isn't going anywhere, until I pass on my duty to another. And that would be you. Me? No, no, no, no. You must have it wrong. Ho hoo, it's you, all right. I've been holding back the witch's curse for years. But now I'm dead. It has to be you. But I... I don't know what any of it means. It means the past is coming back to haunt you! Time is running out! The anniversary of the witch's death is tonight! Her ghost is going to wake up. And when she does, she'll raise the dead. You've got to keep her in her grave! But I'm just a kid! How am I supposed to stop it? Read from the book at the spot the witch was buried. What book? The one in my hands. Not these hands! My other hands. The "me" that's at home in my study starting to smell a little funny. Get the book and read from it before the sun sets tonight. But this is crazy. Do I look crazy to you? Tell me you'll do this. Swear! You mean like the "F" word? I mean, promise! Okay, okay. I... I promise. That will do. No, Mr. Prenderghast, wait! Sorry, kid, I'm done here. I'm free! I'm finally free! Wait. No, you can't leave now! Please! I don't understand! Uh... Yeah, you, uh... You might want to give that a few minutes. Norman? Hey, what's the big deal? Don't get your bra in a twist, fat boy. This has nothing to do with you, so keep out of my way. Or what? Or I'll punch you in the boobs. I don't have boobs. These are pectorals. Ow, my boobs! You're dead, freak show! Do you hear me? D - E-D, dead! You're going to be so dead, that you're going to have to talk to yourself when you're dead! I really don't think we should be leaving him. Perry, you promised me a meal that someone else microwaved. He's probably up there right now, fiddling with his Ouija, or his orbs, or whatever it is he's got up there! This is not good! Uh! Ah! Do you want to play some hockey? You know, I've kind of got other things on my mind right now. Is it all that walking dead stuff again? Mr. Prenderghast appeared to me in the bathroom. Ew. No! His spirit. He says the witch's curse is real, and I have to go up to the old graveyard and stop it before the sun sets tonight. So, you want to come play a bit later? Didn't you hear what I just said? Yeah, but I thought my idea was the less likely to get us eaten. Just go home, Neil. I'm better off on my own, anyway. But... Go home! Jeez. Who rattled your chains? No one. Hmm. Dad says I'm not supposed to talk to you any more, Grandma. Jackass. If I were a poltergeist, I'd throw something at his head. You know, by rights, I'm supposed to be frolicking in paradise with your grandfather. But I'm not. So, why did you stay? I was never one for frolicking. I'll bet there's no cable or canasta up there, either. Besides, I promised I'd always look out for you. So, it's your duty. Uh, in a manner of speaking. And you would do it, no matter what? Of course! Even if it was something really scary? There's nothing wrong with being scared, Norman, so long as you don't let it change who you are. So, I said to her, "Girl, come back and talk to me when your basket toss gets 12,000 hits on YouTube!" Yeah. No, I said that. Yeah, I'm stuck on lame patrol. Tonight's going to be a total yawn. Norman! You better not be sneaking out, you little weirdo! Whoa! Hello? Mr. Prenderghast? Ugh! Oh, come on. Darn it. Let go! Come on! Ah! This is it. Read from the book, stop the curse, go home, and pretend this never happened. "Once upon a time, in a far-off land, there lived a king and a queen in a magnificent castle. " What? A fairy tale? Ooh, what have you got there, Geekula? No! Give it back! Oh, I can't wait to see everybody's faces when they hear about this one. No, no. Don't! Alvin! Hey. Nobody makes me miss out on a possible date with a girl that almost had some interest in talking to me. Yeah? Thought so! You got nothing to say. Uh-oh. Dang straight, "Uh-oh. " That's what happens when Alvin gets around here. "Uh-oh, is that Alvin?" "Uh-oh, Alvin's going to make me run home to Mommy. " Uh-oh. What is that? It's her. What's that sound? Ah! "Once upon a time, in a far-off... " "Once upon a time, in a... " Make it stop, please, now please! It's not working! Stop! Stop? You must stop! What? Norman? What are you doing? I think I peed my pants! Wait! Neil! Will you get the door? I'm busy. Are you freeze-framing Mom's aerobics DVD again? No! Neil! Would it kill you to get off your butt and answer the door? God. Oh, I'm going to kill them! I know you're in there! Slumber party is over, dorks! Um, can I help you? Hell, yeah. Hmm. Oh, I... Sorry to bug you so late. Um, does, uh... Neil live here? Yeah. He's my brother. Oh, wow! That's great! Your brother and my brother are, like, best friends! I'm Courtney. Hey, Neil! Come here a minute. There's a girl asking for you. Hey, there! How are you doing, little guy? Neil? Yeah, Neil. Do you know where Norman is? He kind of disappeared. Oh, no. Idea! I have no idea where he is. Sorry. Bye! Whoa, Neil. Better start talking, buddy. I didn't really think he was serious about going up to the old graveyard on his own. That's so Norman! Oh, man, that place is bad news. It's like a total slasher-movie vibe. Why did he go up there? I don't know. Maybe we should go look for him. I told you he was trouble. Sorry, but I did. No, it's fine. He sucks. But I got to make sure he doesn't, you know, die or anything tonight. Will you help me? Please? Okay. I guess I should go get some clothes on. Mmm! Uh, is Norman in trouble? Are they going to try to eat our brains? I think you'll be safe. Oh, thank God! I don't get it. Why didn't it work? The Story of Sleeping Beauty? This doesn't make any sense! Wait! Where are you going? Mr. Prenderghast, I don't understand. Just tell me what to do! Dude, what are you doing? He told me to read from the book to stop the curse! I thought it was like a spell or something, but... Come on. There has to be something. I really need to get home because I've got a seriously early curfew. Okay, seven victims. My mom gets really upset... Seven victims. Oh, no. Okay, got to defend ourselves. We got to shoot them in the head with, like, some sort of silver stake or something. Seven victims. I'm way too awesome to get eaten. Seven graves. Norman, are you listening to me? You really got to do something! The witch's grave! It wasn't there! I was reading the book in the wrong place! Hide! What? Huh? Come on! And she said, "I could totally consider a career in formation swimming. " But I was like, "I want to do something that helps people less fortunate than me, thank you very much. " You know? Like, um... Like the poor. Or people who are dying, or ugly or something. Because I really think that ecology and world peace are, like, totally important today. Do you use free weights? Because your deltoids are huge! I've never used deltoids in my life, I swear. You can test me. Kill me now. Thank you for doing this, Mitch. He means an awful lot to me, you know? I love him like he was a brother. He is your brother. Whoa! Look at that sky! Look out! Oh, no! That was Norman! Is everyone okay? No. No. Uh, hello, sir? Is he dead or what? I don't know. He's not moving. He's still breathing! So, he's okay? Uh... Not exactly. What? What did you just say? Does anyone know CPR or... Run! Did you see that? That was insane. I know, right? I kicked that, like, a hundred yards! Norman, what just happened? Zombies! I swear, okay? We saw them burst out of their graves for real! Just so you know, I totally saved his life, and I could totally save yours. Sorry, who are you? I'm Alvin. Guys? Maybe we should actually drive away now. Oh, right. Pesky kids with their cell phones, burning up the ozone. That's what this is. What the... Ugh! I just knew something like this was going to happen tonight. You did? Wow. Because that zombie bit really threw me. Why do you have to go and get everyone involved in all your weird stuff? Well, you weren't supposed to follow me, were you? Sorry, my fault. When I'm nervous, I get mouth diarrhea. Whoa! Diarrhea! Oh, my gosh! I think I'm having an aneurysm. Oh, this is so typical of you! No. You don't understand. I'm the only one who can stop this, Courtney! Oh, I understand. I understand that this is all getting completely out of... Hand! Ah! What do we do? What do we do? Mitch! I don't know! I don't know! You're the oldest. Not mentally! Oh, great, the cops. Pull over the vehicle! Norman! How do we stop them? I'm supposed to read from the book at the witch's grave. We've got to go back to the graveyard? She wasn't buried with the others. I don't know where else to look! Well, you better think of something, quick! Oh, I have an idea! So, Norman, let me get this straight. You guys all go on this big supernatural adventure, and you're calling me in the middle of the night because you need someone to help you do your homework? Uh, yeah. We need to find out where the witch is buried! Oh, no! I went to the old graveyard, but her grave wasn't there. Well, duh. People found guilty of witchcraft weren't considered people any more. Norman, your witch was buried someplace else. In an unmarked grave. Mitch, do something! If you cared to pay attention some of the time, you would know that we covered this in fifth-grade history class. Salma! Please hurry! Oh, no! I would Google this myself if there wasn't a 300-year-old dead guy trying to rip my face off. Okay, okay. It says here she was tried in the old town hall on Main Street. There may be a record of her execution and burial in the archives. Quick! She said, "Go to the town hall!" Oh, my goodness! I really think it might help if you tried to see things from his point of view. I don't want to. Perry, not believing in the afterlife is like not believing in astrology. I have no idea what you're talking about. Seriously. Where did you learn that? Calm down. Delinquent drivers! Where are the police when you need them? Oh, my gosh. I broke a nail. I'm going to be sick. Yeah! Alvin the zombie slayer! I got you! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Baby, I'm so sorry. You'll be all right. We're going to get through this together. Uh-oh. Come on! Oh, yeah! Perfect. Now the geeks are in charge. Booyah! See? I told you! Zombies! It's the witch's curse! Mama? What? What should we do? Kill 'em in the head! Yeah! Hurry! This way! Oh, this is awful! The zombies are, like, eating everyone! Come on! Is everyone all right? Nobody got bitten? I bit my tongue. Does that count? Does anyone know how to pick a lock? Sure. Picking locks is my thing. Boom. This is it! This is? Now we can find out where the witch was buried. Uh-oh. Whoa. Great. I'm super-psyched. This is turning into the most fun night ever! Man! Zombies take over the world and we lock ourselves in a library! Are you kidding me? There's an adult video store just across the street. This will be a piece of cake, you'll see. Page one. Okay, page one. I really hate these places. Come on. Feel it, push yourself. That's not it. Time is running out. Ain't room for no more zombies in this town! Yeah! Huh? Oh! Ya-ha-hoo! It would have been a quiet night, too, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids. Hmm! Sweet baby jinkies! What do you think you're doing, firing at civilians? That is for the police to do! Oh, no, no, no, it's okay, Sheriff. We've only been shooting at the dead ones. It's the living dead, come to take us all to hell! We've got to stop them before they get away! Move along now, people! There isn't anything to see here! I saw them! I saw them! They're in the town hall! Cry "Havoc," and let slip the dogs of war! Let's rip 'em apart! We're not going to find it in here, Norman. This is useless! Yeah, I know, and it's also really boring. I thought I was driving the van. No one told me I was going to have to do this other dumb stuff. If I had known there was so much reading involved, I would have brought a completely different group of people who hate me. Yes! Book number one, finished! That is right. Twenty-six pages. Oh, yeah! I can't believe this is your plan. I'm going to get bitten and start eating people's brains. I'm supposed to be vegan! There's something moving out there. I think it's the zombies. Hide! Oh, no, it's not. It's just grown-ups. Hide! That sound. Do you know what that is? That's not awesome things. Guys, come on! Just give it up, you wiener. No, we have to keep trying. Uh! We tried, and look what happened. I'm scared, Norman, and I can't listen to this any more. You never listen. No one ever listens! I'm scared, too, but I've still got to do this. I do too listen! And whatever it was you just said, it's not working. You think you're going to go out there, do your "talking to the dead" thing, and this is all going to be okay? What are you going to do? Huh? Ask the zombies not to eat you? I should have known you wouldn't understand. No one ever does! Norman, you need to stop all this weird stuff, and start living in the real world. Everyone in the real world thinks I'm a freak! And you know what? Maybe they're right. Maybe I am a freak. But I never asked for your help! Just go! Get out! Jeez, that was dramatic. Ugh! Come on! I'm not going anywhere. You can't make me. Oh! Dude, you're really heavy. I'm not speaking to you. You can't make me. Um, excuse me! Hello? They're in there, all right. I can feel its clammy flesh! Hello? Help! Somebody, help me! Let's burn them out! We're all going to die! Oh, my gosh. Do you think this has got anything to do with Norman? Of course not. Everyone, look! Perry, do something! Norman! Get down from there this instant! You're supposed to be grounded! You horrible old witch! Is this what you want? Necromancer! This is all his doing! Norman! "Once upon a time, in a far-off land, there lived a king and a queen in a magnificent castle. " Why won't you listen to me? Why are you doing this? Agatha Prenderghast of His Majesty's province of Massachusetts, on this day you have been arraigned for the horrible crime of witchcraft witnessed by those whose testimonies have been heard. You have, by this court, been found guilty! No! And it is passed on you, according to your grievous crimes, execution! No! No! Do you have anything to say for yourself? I was only playing. Aye! With fire! You were speaking with the dead! Wait! No! I'll not risk damnation on these good people. No, you can't do this! I didn't do anything wrong! You are to be taken to the place of execution where you will be hanged by the neck until you be dead. Stop! Leave me alone or I'll make you sorry! I'll make all of you sorry! How could you? She was just a little kid. She was no different than me. Keep away from me! You must stop the curse. What? You don't want to kill me? You can speak to the dead. To us. To her. We need you to read from the book to send us all back to the grave. But it didn't work! It's a fairytale! Just a bedtime story. That's it, isn't it? A bedtime story, to keep a little girl asleep for another year. And now you need my help because I'm the only one who can read it to her. Here's your book! Try reading it yourself. Why did you do it? We were scared. Of what? Of her. I believed we were doing what was right. I was wrong. Now, this is our punishment. We thought we knew our way in life, but in death, we are lost. Please help us. Every year, someone reads the story at her grave. Before me, it was Mr. Prenderghast, and before him, there were others, but the curse doesn't ever go away. Nothing gets better. It's not enough. What will you do? Something nobody ever did before. I've got to go talk to her. Guys, guys! Under here, under here! Mitch, Mitch, if we die tonight, this may be the last chance I get to tell you how I feel. Uh, well, no, unless we get brought back as zombies, and then, technically, you'll have longer. Norman? Come on! This way! You've got to be kidding me. You stay right where you are! You may be dead already, but I will still shoot you! Wait! Oh, my gosh. Son! Step away from the zombies! No, I won't. Perry, calm down! You're going to have a heart attack, and then what are you going to do? I'll come back and haunt Norman! Maybe then he'll start listening to me. No! No, you don't understand what's happening here. I spoke to them, and it's not what you think. The curse isn't about the zombies hurting you, it's about you hurting them. I figured it out, and I know a way to stop this. He's in league with them! Let's hang him! We can't hang him, stupid! It's the 21st century! Then let's burn him! Can you stop being a mob for just one minute? Listen to me! Get them before they eat us! Leave him alone! Hand, Alvin. My hand. Everybody, listen up! You all need to stop trying to kill my brother! You're adults! You stop it! I know that this seems crazy. Believe me, lam with you on that. But I think he does actually know what he's talking about. All night, he's been trying to save you from the witch's curse. Yeah! Yeah! And all you want to do is burn and murder stuff, burn and murder stuff. Just burning and murdering. Yeah, shame on every single one of you! How dare you all? So, they're not going to hurt us? No. Does it look like any of them are trying to hurt you? They're just people. Well, at least they used to be. Just stupid people who should have known better. They did something unforgivable because they were scared, and they were cursed for it. Now it's happening all over again. Don't you get it? They were just like you. But now it has to stop. For good. Jeez, what is her problem? Oh, Norman! So, what do we do now? I really don't know. Yes, you do, Norman. You've got to get to that witch's grave. But... But nothing! Listen to me, buster. We didn't turn away when Daleridge High was slaughtering our volleyball team, did we? I thought we did. No, we didn't. I have cheered the uncheerable, Norman, and I'm not letting you give up now! Dad, could I borrow the car? Excuse me? Officials are urging people to panic and run... Whoo, boy. The traffic tonight, huh? Norman! Uh! He's on my side of the seat. She wants you to move over. Um, I heard that! Mom, tell the zombie to stop saying stuff about me. Can you quit using the "Z" word? So help me, I will stop this car right now if all three of you don't quit it this instant! He says, take a left here. We've already been this way! We're going around in circles! Maybe we should pull over and ask someone. Oh, right! You think maybe we should stop at a graveyard and dig up some other 18th-century corpses? It's not a bad idea. I wish I understood you. Please don't tell me he needs to use the bathroom. Turn down there! Oh, my. Do you think that's it? So, why are we here? Someone has got to talk to her, Dad. Yeah. Why is that person you, exactly? Oh, my goodness. Look out! Mom! Perry! Do something! I am trying! Kick it in the knothole! Norman? I'm okay, Mom! Just wait for me here. Don't worry. Be careful! Uh... Hello? You're not welcome here. Go away. I really need to speak with you. Who are you? I'm Norman. Norman Babcock. You don't actually know me, but I know you. We're actually kind of the same, you and I. You're not dead. Well, no, apart from that. And you're a boy. Well, yes. That, too. You're not like me at all! Well, I know how you feel. No, you don't. You don't know anything about me. I know your name is Agatha Prenderghast. What? And I know you're probably tired, right? Because, I mean, it's really late, and it's been a long night, and we're, like, only 11 years old, and... I don't want to go to sleep, and you can't make me. I burned the book into dust. Now I don't have to listen to that stupid story any more! Leave me alone. No. No, I'm not leaving. Just listen to me. Once upon a time, long ago, there was a little girl. What? A little girl who was different... Who was different from the other people in her village. I'm not listening! She could see and do things that no one could understand, and that made them scared of her. I don't like this story! She turned away from everyone, and became sad and lonely, and had no one to turn to! Stop it! But the more she turned away from people, the more scared they were of her, and they did something terrible! They became so scared that they took her away and they killed her! No! But even though she was dead, something in her came back. Stop! And this part of her, it wouldn't go away. Not for 300 years! Shut up! And the longer it stayed, the less there was of the little girl. I'll make you suffer! Why? Because... Because... Because you want everyone to hurt just as much as you are. So, whenever you wake up, you play this mean game, but you don't play fair! They hurt me. So, you hurt them back? I wanted everyone to see how rotten they were. You're just like them, Agatha. No, I'm not! You're a bully! No, I'm not! Ahh! They did something awful, but that doesn't mean you should, too. All that's left in you now is mean and horrible! That's not true! Then stop! This is wrong and you know it! You spent so long remembering the bad people that you've forgotten the good ones. There must have been somebody who loved you and cared for you. You don't remember them? Leave me alone! But you're not alone! You have to remember! Keep away from me! Remember! Aggie. My name was Aggie. I remember, my mommy brought me here once. We sat under the tree and she told me stories. They all had happy endings. And then those horrible men came and took me away, and I never saw her again! Sometimes when people get scared, they say and do terrible things. I think you got so scared that you forgot who you are. But I don't think you're a witch. Not really. You don't? I think you're just a little kid with a really special gift who only ever wanted people to understand her. So, we're not all that different at all. But what about the people who hurt you? Don't you ever want to make them suffer? Well, yeah, but what good would that do? You think just because there's bad people out there, that there's no good ones either? I thought the same thing for a while, but there's always someone out there for you, somewhere. I just want my mommy. I'm sorry, Aggie. She's gone. That story you were telling, how does it end? I think that's up to you. Is this where they buried me? It's a pretty good place to sleep. Then you can be with your mom again. Sleep tight. Norman? Norman! My brave little man! I thought I was going to lose you. Mom! You're embarrassing me. That's my job. Psst. Good job, Norman. Well done, son. You did it. So, are we going to need statements? No! Ow! That was my fingernail. You know what it's like. You join a mob and you say things. I was merely inhabiting the role. Yeah, it was the others. They pushed me into it. Yeah, me and Norman are in a lot of the same classes. We're pretty much inseparable best buds, and we do a lot of psychic investigations together. We have a blog, actually. You should check it out. So, I was thinking maybe we could catch a movie sometime. Nothing scary. That sounds great, Kathy. You know, you're going to love my boyfriend. He's, like, a total chick-flick nut! Hey, Neil. You did it! You stopped the witch's curse, and made the zombies go away and saved pretty much everything! I guess. I just wanted to say thanks. You stood by me, all the time. Yeah, of course! Don't get weird or anything. So, do you think now everything is going to turn back to normal? Well, as normal as it could be. Oh! Stop it! ...whose lives have been ruined by last night's mystery tornado. But first, here's Mindy Rinager, with a kitten on roller skates. Son. Hi, Dad. What are you watching? A scary movie. Oh, yeah. Um... Your grandma here, is she? Right. Of course she is. Is she, uh... Is she, uh, sitting next to me? Hi, Mom. So, what's happening now? Sub edited and synced by: PEEAN91 Brainz.. What is happening now? The zombie is eating her head, Grandma. That's not very nice. What's he doing that for? Because he's a zombie. It's what they do. He's going to ruin his dinner. I'm sure if they bother to sit down and talk it through it would be a different story. Norman! Didn't I told you to take out the garbage? Yeah coming dad. Tell him to turn up the thermostat too, will you? My feet are like ice. - Come on fit you stupid... - Hi. - What are you watching in there? - Sex and Violence. Ohh.. That's nice. Can't you be like other kids your age? and pitch a tent in the yard or have a healthy interesting carpentry. - Perry. - I thought you said kids my age... are too busy shop lifting and joy ridding. Norman... He's like R-I-P-P-E-D. Like a 7 pack at least. - Watch it! - Courtney, be nice. Yeah she totally doesn't deserve him. I mean.. She's nice and I really like her, but she's a complete loser. - Yeah, I know. - Hey. Dad? Grandma said, can you turn up the heating? Her feet are cold. Now Perry? How many times do we have to go through this, son? - Your grandmother is dead! - I know. Then why you keep on talking to her? - Because she talks back? - OMG. - You're such a liar. - I'm not making this up. I swear! She talks to me all the time. Oh yeah? Prove it! She said it's not very lady like to hide photos of the high school quarterback with his shirt up in your underwear drawer. I knew it. You've been sneaking around my personal... No I haven't. Grandma told me. You're the worst. Norman, I know you and Grandma were very close, but we all have to move on. Grandma is in a better place now. No she's not. She is in the living room. Your grandma was old and sick, and she died. That's all there is to it! Okay, Perry. This is part of the mourning process. Stop indulging him. I'm nothing if I'm not liberal, but this behavior needs to be nipped in the bud. This behavior might be okay with your side of the family, but I'm not putting up with it anymore. Not me. - Not this again. - This isn't the west coast, Sandra. - People talk, they do. - He's just sensitive, Perry. Please. Sensitive is writing poetry and be lousy at sports. Not this. I wont let him turn up into that uncle of yours. If that crazy old tramp has been around here - putting ideas in Norman's head.. - Perry, No one had to do with Uncle Prenderghast in years I bet he doesn't even knows what Norman looks like. Not much time. Not much time. PARANORMAN. Good Morning! Hey Bruce how it's going? No much.. I kinda late for school, I need to go. Hi, nice to see you guys. Good morning! Sorry, I got to run. Excuse me. Pardon me. See ya. Hey there little buddy Come on, come here. Yeah good to see you. How are you doing? Hi, Mrs. Harmon. You look nice today. I like what you've done with your hair. Does anyone smell burning? - Peace man. - Totally. - As you were soldier. - Sir yes sir. Norman. You playing hookie? No, I'm just late for school, sorry. I gotta go. - How are you doing? - Hi, how are you doing? Hi! How is it hanging? Haven't heard that one before. Watch and learn. Parking violation is my little name. - Suck it in sweety. - No, your gut. There you go. FREAK Hey, ghost jerk, you know what? What you want, Alvin? Why don't you see some more ghosts, goober? Hey, Norman. Talk to that. That's so Alvin. Right? Flies don't talk. Neil, come on. Let's go. You stink of illiteracy. Pilgrims, the myth.. Don't any of you know anything about the history of this town? Puritans were strict and devout. Who came here to build a home, a place without sin. What is it now, Salma? Why is the witch always the hideous old with ponytail and a broomstick? I don't believe this is historically accurate, Mrs. Henscher. It's not suppose to be. It's suppose to sell postcards and key chains. So let's try it again. Cover page 6, Norman. "The founding fathers of live hollow discovered - an evil which among them.." - No, no, Norman. With gusto. Like this. "They put her on trial and hanged her. But the vengeful witch cursed her accuser, 7 of them in all, to die have a horrible and gruesome death and rise from the graves... as the living dead! Their souls...doomed To an eternity of damnation. " Now, I want you to try again but with conviction. My reputation is at stake here and I wont have this turn out like... Norman! Are you listening to me, boy? - Sorry, Mrs. Henscher. - So am I. Now, unless there's any other issues, let's us resume. They put her on trial and hang her. This is my moment. Fell, Baby! - Sorry. - You useless bunch of... See you tomorrow, FREAK! Norman, wait up. I keep telling you, Neil. I like to be alone. So do I. Lets do it together. You shouldn't let them get you down. They always do stuff like that to me. - Why? - Because I'm fat. My allergies, make my eyes leak and I sweat when I walk in class. And I have a lunchbox with a kitten on it. And I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I guess it's a bunch of stuff. - Doesn't it bother you? - No. You can't stop bullying. It's part of human nature. If you were bigger and more stupid, you'd probably be a bully too. It's called survival of the biggest. That statue just "psssst" at us. Do you know who I am? The weird, stinky old bum who lives up the hill? I was asking him! Yeah... I know. I was told not to talk to you. Sorry. And you know why you're not suppose to talk to me? I can see ghosts too. and I know that's not all you've been seeing lately is it? Bad omens. Things you can't quite explain. Strange vision appearing through the veil. and I'll bet no one told you about the witch's curse. Did they? Actually, we're learning about it in school. I'm a tree! There's something you really need to know, is the most important thing you will ever hear, the fate of everyone depends on it. Now listen close, the witch's curse is real! And it is you're the one who has to stop it. You gotta use your gift... of talking... Because if you don't... This is the most important thing of all... You can... You can... You. .. Leave him alone. Don't make me throw this hummus. It's spicy! This is ain't done with. You'll see it soon enough. Watch for the sign. What a dirty old creep. He is my uncle. - So is it true? - What? Can you see ghosts, like, everywhere all the time? Yeah.. Awesome! Do you think you could see my dog, Bub? He was ran over by an animal rescue van. It was tragic and ironic. We buried him in the yard, could you see him? - Maybe. - Sweet! Come on! - Come on! - Neil? Is that you? Hey Mitch. We're going to go play with the dead dog in the garden and we're not going to dig it up first. What did you say? Neil, isn't he that weird kid You know "I'm talking to ghosts, so people don't pay attention to me." Can you stop doing that? It's kind of stupid. Now listen to me, you don't need to be hanging out with weird people okay That's a tip. Don't blow this for me, Mitch. This one is not weird. He ​​talks to dead people. He's around here somewhere. So does everyone comeback as a ghost? No. .. My grandma told me it's usually people who still have stuff to figure out. or sometimes it's the one who dies suddenly or in a bad way. - Bub? - Is he there? How he looks? Good. He's happy to see you. Who's the good boy? Good boy! - Can he feels if I pet him? - Yeah I guess. That's not his chin. Go get it! - He can't fetch it, you know? - Well it's still fun. Good boy! Bring it back. Go get it, Bub! Good boy! Why not you try? I'm sorry, I don't really... You can go. No it's fun, try it - No I don't wan to! - You can throw it! It's really easy It's really fun! Here, you go first. No you try it, I've already went like 50 times. Okay, what do I do? You throw, get the stick, pull back and you throw it. Neil? Sorry. I fetch it! Are you okay? I'll show him and that scary little fat kid. When he realizes we're running out of... No. Not yet. Not yet! Damn. No! I don't wanna go! I want to go home. I don't wanna go! Great. Now we never get to remember this moment. You sucks. I curse you accusers to die a horrible and gruesome death and rise from your graves as living-dead. Your souls doomed to an eternity of damnation. Kill the witch! Kill the witch! Aren't they adorable? Kill the witch! Kill the witch! What? What? No. Not again. This way! Over here! Witch, we know you're out there! - There! - No! Witch... The dead are coming. Hi, buddy. Are you okay? The dead are coming! Norman! Did he said that the dead are coming? - No, no. - Yes! The tree told me! This is where it stops. It's one thing being mental case in front of your family. But not the whole freaking town. There's not going to be anymore talking to ghosts or your grandma's or what is it now... I think it's tree. You are grounded. Do you hear me? This is ridiculous. I wish everyone could see what I see. I don't ask to be born this way. Funny. Neither did we. You know sometimes people say things that seem mean, but they do it because they are afraid. He's my dad. He shouldn't be afraid of me. He's not afraid of you. He's afraid for you. Look! It's AbNorman! What did the tree tell today, Norman? Are dead coming sooner or later? You died? Yeah, but I got unfinished business here. Couldn't you use another stall? My ghost isn't going anywhere until I pass on my duty to another. And that would be you. Me? No, you must have it wrong. It's you alright I've been holding back the witch's curse for years, but now I'm dead. It has to be you. But I... I don't know what any of it means. It means the past is coming back to haunt you. Time is running out. The Anniversary of the Witch's death is tonight. Her ghost is going to wake up and when she does She'll rise the dead. You got to keep her in her grave But I'm just a kid! How am I suppose to stop it? Read from the book at the spot the witch was buried. What book? The one in my hands. Not these hands, my other hands. The me that is at home in my studies starting to smell a little funny Get the book and read from it. Before the sun sets, tonight. But this is crazy Do I look crazy to you ? - Tell me you do this - I... Swear! - I mean like the "F" word? - I mean promise. Okay. I promise. - That will do. - No, Mr. Prenderghast wait. Sorry kid, I'm done here. I'm free! I'm finally free! Wait! No, you can't leave now! Please, I don't understand. Yeah, you might want to give that a few minutes. Norman? Hey, what's the big deal? Don't twist it fat boy, this has nothing to do with you, - so keep out of my way. - Or what? Or I'll punch their boobs. I don't have boobs, these are pectorals. My boobs! You're dead, freakshow. Do you hear me? D-E-T, dead! You're going to be so dead that you're going to talk to yourself when you're dead. I really don't think we should be leaving him. Perry you promised me a meal in someone else's microwave. He's probably up there right now, fiddling with his weejah or his orbs or whatever it is he's got up there. This is not good. Come to the window! Want to play some hockey? You know, I kinda got other things on my mind right now. It's all about that walking dead stuff again? Mr. Prenderghast appeared to me in the bathroom. - Eww. - No, his spirit. He said that the witch's curse is real, I have to go to the old graveyard and stop it Before the sunset tonight! So, you wanna come play a bit later? Didn't you hear what I just said? Yeah, but I thought my idea has less likely to get us eaten. Just go home, Neil, I'll be better off on my own anyway. - But... - Go home! Who rattle your chain? No one. Dad says I'm not to talk to you anymore, grandma. Jackass If I was a poltergeist, I'll throw something at his head. You know, by rights... I'm suppose be frolicking in paradise with you grandfather. - But I'm not. - So why did you stay? I was never one for frolicking, but there's no cable or fun up there either Besides, I promised I always look out for you. - So it's your duty. - In a manner of speaking. - And you will do it no matter what. - Of course! Even if it was something really scary? There is nothing wrong with being scared, Norman, So long as you don't let it change who you are. So I said to her: "Girl come back and talk to me when your basket toss gets 12,000 hits on YouTube." No I said that. Yeah, I'm stuck on lame patrol. Tonight going to be totally on. Norman! You better not be sneaking out, you little weirdos... Hello? Mr. Prenderghast? Come on. Darn it! Let go! Come on.. HERE LIE BURIES THE SEVEN VICTIMS OF THE WITCH'S CURSE 1712 This is it. Read from the book, stop the curse, go home, pretend this never happened. "Once upon a time, in a far off land there lives a king and a queen in a magnificent castle." What? A fairy tale? - What have you got there, geerkilla? - No, give it back! Can't wait to see everybody faces - when they hear about this one. - Don't! , Alvin! Hey nobody makes me miss up a possible date with a girl that almost had some interest in talking to me. Yeah? Thought so You've got nothing to say. - Oh-ow. - Dang straight "Oh-Ow." That's what happen when Alvin gets around here. "Oh-ow, is that Alvin?" "Oh-ow Alvin going to make me run home to mommy." Oh-ow. - What is that? - It's her. Once.. Once .. Once upon a time... In a far off... Once upon a time... - In a... - Stop reading that please. It's not working! Stop! Stop? You must stop. - What? - Norman, what are you doing? I think I peed my pants. Wait. - Neil, can you get the door? - I'm busy. Are you freeze framing mom's aerobics DVD again? No! Neil, would it kill you to get off your butt, and answer the door? God. I'm going to kill them! I know you are in there. A slumber party is over, dorks. Can I help you? Yes Sorry to bug you so late, Does... Neil live here? - Yeah, he's my brother. - That's great. Your brother and my brother are like best friends. I'm Courtney. Hey Neil, could you come here a minute? There's a girl asking for you. Hey there. How are you doing, little guy. - Neil? - Yeah, Neil. Do you know where Norman is? He is kind of disappeared. Oh no. No Idea! I have no idea where he is. Sorry. Goodbye. Neil, better start talking buddy. I didn't really think he was serious about going up to the old graveyard on his own. That's so Norman. Oh man, that place is bad news. It's like a total slasher movie vibe. Why did he go up there? I don't know, maybe we should go look for him. I told you he was trouble. Sorry, but I did. No, it's fine. He's sucks. But I gotta really make sure he doesn't you know die or anything tonight Would you help me? Please. Okay. I guess I should go get some clothes on Is Norman in trouble? Are they gonna try eat our brains? I think you'd be safe. Thank God. I don't get it. Why didn't it work? The story of "Sleeping Beauty"? This doesn't makes any sense. Where... Where you going? Mr. Prenderghast, I don't understand. Just tell me what to do. Dude, what are you doing? He told me to read form the book to stop the curse. I thought it was a spell or something, but... Come on... It has to be something. We really need... to get home... because I got a seriously early curfew - Seven victims. - My mom gets.. - Seven... Oh no. - really upset... When I'm not... Okay we got to defend ourselves. We got to shoot them in the head... Come on, come on... With like some sort of silver bullets or something... - Seven victims... Seven graves... - I'm way too awesome to get eaten Why aren't you listening to me? - We really got to do something! - The witch's grave... It wasn't there. I was reading the book in the wrong place. - Hide! - What? Come on. And she said: "I could totally consider a career in information swimming." But I was like, "I want to do something like that helps people that's less fortunate, thank you very much." You know, like the poor or... People who are dying. or ugly or something... I really think that ecology and world peace are like totally important today. Do you use "free weight"? Because you deltoids are huge. I've never use deltoids in my life, I swear, you can test me. Kill me now. Thank you for doing this, Mitch. He means a lot to me, you know? I love him like he's a brother. He is your brother. Look at that sky. Look out! No. That was Norman! Is everyone okay? - No. - No. Hello, sir? Is he dead or what? I don't know. He's not moving. He's still breathing. So he's okay? Not exactly. What? What did you just said? Does anyone knows CPR or.. Run! - Did you see that? - That was insane. I know right, I kicked that like a 100 yard Norman, what just happened? Zombies, I swear, Okay? We saw them burst out of their graves for real Just so you know I totally saved his life. and I could totally save yours. Sorry, who are you? Guys maybe we should actually drive away now. Oh right. Pesky kids with their phones. Burning up the ozone. That's what it is. What the.. Just knew something like this was going to happen tonight. You did? Because that zombie bit really threw me. Why had to go and get everyone involve in all your weird stuff. You weren't suppose to follow me, were you. Sorry, my fault. When I get nervous I get mouth diarrhea. Diarrhea? My God. I think I'm having an aneurysm. - This is so typical of you. - No, you don't understand, I'm the only one who can stop this, Courtney. I understand . I understand that this all getting completely out of... Hand! What do we do? What do we do? Mitch? - I don't know. I don't know. - You're the oldest. Not mentally. Oh great, cops Pull over the vehicle. Norman, how do we stop them? I'm suppose to read from the book at the witch's grave. We got to go back to the graveyard? She wasn't bury with the others. I don't know where else to look. Well you better think of something quick. I have an idea. So, Norman, let me get this straight. You guys all go on this big supernatural adventure and you're calling me in the middle of the night, because you need someone to help do your homework. Yeah. Please, we need to find out where the witch is buried. Oh no.. I went to the old grave yard but her grave wasn't there. People found guilty of witchcraft weren't considered people anymore. Norman, your witch was buried some place else. In an unmarked grave. Mitch, do something. If you care to pay attention some of the time, you would know that we covered this in 5th grade history class. Salma, please hurry. Oh no. You know I would google this myself if it wasn't a 300 years old dead guy trying to rip my face off. Okay. It says here she was tried in the old Town Hall on Main Street. There maybe a record of her execution and burial in the archives. Quick she said goes to the Town Hall. My God! I really think it might help if you tried to see things from his point of view. - I don't want to. - Perry... Not believing in the afterlife is like not believe in astrology. I have no idea what you're talking about. Seriously! Where did you learn that? Calm down. Delinquent drivers Where are the police when you need them? - Oh-My-God! - I broke a nail. I'm gonna be sick. Yeah.. Alvin the zombies slayer. I got your... Baby... I'm so sorry, you'll be alright. We gonna get through this together. - Come on. - Oh yeah. Perfect! Now the geeks are in charge. THE LUCKY WITCH CASINO Oh yeah.. See, I told you: zombies! It's the witch's curse! Momma? What? ! What should we do? - Kill them in the head! - Yes! Hurry this way. This is awful. The zombies are like eating everyone! HISTORIC TOWN HALL Come on. Is everyone all right? Nobody got bitten? I bit a tongue, is that count? Does anyone know how to pick a lock? Of course. Picking locks is my thing. CRIME PREVENTION SEMINAR Boom! - This is it! - This is? Now we can find out where the witch is buried? Great! I'm super psyched. This is turning to the most fun night ever. Man, zombies takes over the world and we locked ourselves in a library, are you kidding me? There's an adult video store just across the street This will be a piece of cake, you'll see. Page... 1. - Okay, page one. - I really hate this place. - Come on, push! - Come on, that is not it. Time is running out. make room for no more zombies in this town! Yes... Would've been a quiet night too if it hadn't been for that meddling kids. What do you think you're doing firing at civilians? - That is for the police to do. - No, no. It's okay, sheriff. We're only been shooting at the dead ones. It's the living dead came to take us to hell we got stop them before they get away. TOWN HALL Move along now people There isn't anything to see here. I saw them! I saw them! They're in the Town Hall. Drive havoc and let's leap the dogs of war. Let's rip them apart! We're not going to find it here, Norman. This is useless. Yeah, I know. And it's also really boring. I thought I was driving the van, no one told me I was going to do this other dumb stuff. If I known it was so much reading involved, I would've bring a completely different group of people who hate me. Yes.. Book no 1 finish, that is 26 pages. Oh yeah. I can't believe this is your plan. I'm going to get bitten and start eating brains... - Guys! - I'm suppose to be vegan. There's something moving out there. I think it's the zombies. Hide! Oh no it's not, it's just grownups. Hide! That sound... Do you know what that is? - That's not awesome things - Guys, come on. - Just give it up you wheener. - No, we have to keep trying. We've tried and look what happened. I'm scared, Norman and I can't listen to this anymore. You never listen. No one ever listens. I am scared too, but I still got to do this. I do to listen. Whatever it was you just said, it's not working. You think you're gonna go out there and do your talking to the dead thing and this all going to be okay? What.. What're you going to do? Ask the zombies to not eat you? I should've known you wouldn't understand. No one ever does. Norman, you need to stop all this weird stuff. - and start living in the real world. - Everyone in the real world thinks I'm a freak. And you know what maybe they're right. Maybe I am a freak, but I never asked for their help. Just go! Get out! That was dramatic. Come on! I'm not going anywhere, You can't make me - Dude, you're really heavy. - I'm not speaking to you. Excuse me... Hello? They're in there, I can feel it's flesh! Hello? Help! Somebody help me. Let's burn them out. We're all going to die. Oh my Gosh! Do you think this has anything to do with Norman? - Of course not. - Everyone, look! Perry, do something! Norman, get down from there this instant You're supposed to be grounded. Horrible old witch. Is this what you want? - Necromancer! - This is all history. Norman! "Once upon a time, in a... In a far land, there live a king and a queen. In a magnificent castle." Why won't you listen to me? Miss Charlesworth, that is enough. Miss Charlesworth may have had motive and the means, but she did not kill Miss Lavender! That's clean water. What's your point? How could Miss Lavender have a jar of clean water in her office if the pipes had been broken days? And weren't fixed until the morning after she died. I fixed the pipes at six o'clock the night before. Why the deception? Because I didn't want my wife to know that I came back that night. How could she not know? She was working back. No, she wasn't. Miss Lavender was the only one here, and when I left her, she was fine. Where was your wife? I'd like to know the answer to that, even more than you would. Oh my God. How much does he know? Mrs Opie, it's not just your husband you've led astray. This is a police investigation. I went to meet a friend. A man. I waited till everybody left the office at five, then I left shortly after. Miss Lavender was the only one still here. This gentleman friend's name? I'd rather not say. But the hotel could confirm that I was there. Your adultery is your alibi, Mrs Opie. It was John Bell, wasn't it? It's not grubby, like you think. We talk, mainly. About the world, and art. All the things Stephen thinks I shouldn't be interested in. Have you told my husband? That's not our job, Mrs Opie. You dropped one. She was going through the letters. Perhaps they read each other's mail... She was reading. I thought she couldn't understand English. I'll eat my hat if that's true. Mrs Opie and Mr Bell provide each other with an alibi. What about Mr Opie? His first instinct was to lie. He has no one to support his alibi that night and he has ample opportunity. Just short on motive. Maybe he wanted to sabotage Women's Choice by killing Miss Lavender to get his wife to come home and cook dinner more often. Some men will do anything for a hot meal. Excuse me, Miss Fisher, there's a Miss Williams on the telephone for you. Lovely, thank you, Dot. I think it's time you levelled with us, Camellia. Your English is far better than you would have us believe. Your reading material suggests an educated woman. And you seem to be able to hold your own with Granny Lin in a way that deeply impresses me. You are right. I am sorry, but it was necessary. We only want to help you. Please, I have lied to the Lins. I am a widow. My parents forbade my marriage, because my husband was a member of the Communist party. So we eloped to Shanghai, where my husband was executed along with many of his comrades. I had no choice but to flee, and beg for my family's mercy. My father made the necessary arrangements to find a new husband for me, as far away as possible. I have brought great dishonour on my family. If I go home, I'm afraid my father will kill me. Don't worry, Camellia. We will find a solution. If what you've told me is true, I could never allow her to be sent back. So what are your intentions? I realise you have no obligation, now that your grandmother no longer considers her suitable. But of course. I will see to it that she has money and somewhere to live. Alone? In a strange country? Shunned by your family, with no family of her own? But she's obviously made one friend already. Your grandmother won't find you another bride like Camellia. She wants a daughter-in-law who's compliant and ignorant. Camellia is strong. Clever. And you are now her advocate? You made your choice, to follow your tradition, and marry for duty and honour. Perhaps I was wrong, and this broken engagement is my last chance... for love. Come out with me tonight to Chinatown for dancing. Not tonight. I have to rise earlier than I care to. Inspector Robinson and I are working on a case. Is he unable to solve crimes alone? Jack is strictly business. Lin... I care for you. But you know I can never commit myself to any man. I know. I've turned the office upside down looking for that migrant article. I can't find it anywhere. No one else saw him? They met in the middle of the office. He was bald and plump, with a moustache. Well, Mrs Opie didn't catch his name, and Mr Bell can't recall meeting him at all. But I made some notes when Letitia first talked about doing an article. Here they are. 'Barber By The Bay.' The photograph that you gave Miss Prout, it was of you, in the war? With my squadron, Aeronautica del Regio, taken before we were shot down, all of us, and the Germans took us prisoner. Is that what the article was about? No. The young lady was also interested in the fighting. But the other one... Miss Charlesworth? No, her name was like a flower. Ah... Lilac? Miss Lavender? Lavender. She come to see me to ask about the war. And about the story of the man who was once my friend. What man? The man I showed her, in the photograph. Just more pictures of the barber shop. Look for images with a plane in the background. Mr Butler? This one has uniforms. That's him. That's our man. Who? Giovanni Campagna. That's odd. He didn't say he was going out. Did you hear the front door, Miss? Check Camellia's room, Dot. Help! A Studebaker. Are you sure? Where will they take her? Yes, I'll meet you there. Lin. There's a boat to China at midnight. I recognise the two men at the far shed. Camellia must be in there. Did you come armed? Please, these men are my cousins. Alright. You create a diversion while I slip inside. Ready? Help! Those thugs! Bastards! Animals! It's close by. There's two of us. Time to fight like a tiger. Ya! Ya! Brilliant! No! Grandmother! I know you're here. Show yourself. This ends now. Camellia is to be my wife. I will not allow this harlot to bring shame to my family. It's my family too, and I'm taking my role as the head of it. And Camellia will be by my side. Sorry! If you're going to demand a denouement, Miss Fisher, the least you can do is turn up on time. What is all this about, Detective Inspector? John Bell, you're under arrest for the murders of Miss Marcella Lavender and Miss Letitia Prout. What? Mr Bell, do you deny it? Well of course I deny it! What possible motive could he have for murdering Miss Lavender and Letitia Prout? Miss Fisher, perhaps you'd like to begin? The name Giovanni Compagna. Miss Charlesworth, you have a smattering of Italian. How would that translate into English? Oh well, Giovanni is John, and... It's John Bell, isn't it? That's right. Interesting, because Giovanni Campagna is a traitor. He spied for the Germans and was responsible for hundreds of Italian pilots being shot down in flames over the Austrian Alps. But this can't be true. You led us to believe that you were brought here as a child. If he hadn't fled Italy he'd have been tried for treason, and probably shot. These are all lies! I can assure you, Mr Bell, we can prove it. The Italian Embassy has been quite helpful. What has this to do with Marcella and Letitia? Meticulous Miss Lavender found the photograph of John Bell in uniform that Miss Prout missed in her Migrant Melbourne article. Miss Prout only noticed the familiar face later when her Italian barber friend gave her a better photograph to replace the one that mysteriously disappeared. Why didn't either of them go directly to the police? Miss Prout attempted blackmail instead and ended up at the bottom of the stairwell. But Marcella would never stoop to such immoral behaviour. I suspect she gave him advice, as usual and hoped he'd do the noble thing and turn himself in. She appealed to his better nature. But he didn't have one. No, he was with me! He couldn't have killed Miss Lavender. I knew it! Oh, Stephen! Wait! Stephen! Take it easy. I'm sorry, Stephen. Thank you, Collins. Mr Campagna was a pilot. All pilots were given cyanide capsules to take in case of capture. You decided to save your bitter pill for a rainy day. But the problem was, how to administer it without being connected to the crime. Then, opportunity presented itself in the form of Miss Lavender's broken music box. Because, as he obviously knew, cyanide mixed with an acid gives off deadly fumes and turns everything it touches into a lovely shade of blue. John, how could you? Get out of my way! Take your hands off me! Get up! Move forward. Chin up just a fraction. Thank you very much, Camellia. Well Phryne, you were right. You are perfectly lovely. Whatever happens, people will sit up and take notice with the soon to be Mrs Lin Chung heading your Migrant Melbourne article. And you must be Dorothy. What a splendid Artemis you make. There's a cheque for you, waiting in my office, and a permanent job, if you'd like to try something more challenging than a lady's companion? Oh, no, I could never leave Miss Fisher. I would understand, Dot, if you want the opportunity to try something different. You're different enough for me, Miss. But thank you. Yes, she's certainly different. Jack. Good of you to come. And what puzzle are we solving tonight? No puzzle. And no candlelight. No chopsticks, either. There won't be chopsticks at this table for quite some time. And how will Mr Lin feel about that? Mr Lin would have quite enough to worry about with his Communist revolutionary fighter bride. Really? Pass on my congratulations. Perhaps we could allow ourselves just one candle. What do you think? I think I could cope with that. What up, my lovely females? This is your boy, Costa. Your host for the evening. Behind me is Thomas Kub's house, today is Thomas Kub's birthday, and this is Project X, yo. [2 Live Crew's "We Want Some Pussy" playing] Hey, we want some pussy... Hey, we want some pussy... Birthday cake! Mmm. Dax, my dick is gonna get so wet tonight-- - Excuse me? - Shit! Um... - Mrs. Kub, I thought you guys left already. - So, what's getting wet tonight? Uh... nothing. I'm sorry about that, Mrs. Kub. Who's your friend? Don't worry about him. We're just shooting this little birthday movie for Thomas. It's, like, this day-in-the-life thing that we do. He's still in the shower. See you later. [whispering] Fuck me, that was close! Dax... - Happy birthday, motherfucker! - Shit! What the fuck, dude? - What the fuck, man? - Get out. Quit jerking off to your mom. So, dude, it's your last day of being a loser. How does it feel? Ew! You're such a dick, Costa. That shit never gets old. What's up, Dax? How'd they rope you into this? He's one of J.B.'s guys from Gay-V club. He's a fucking weirdo, I know, but he's a solid shooter. He's gonna make us look pimping. You fucking better! - Thomas, get down here! - Oh, shit. Let's go. You said your parents were gonna be gone by 7. - Come on. - I don't want to go talk to your fucking dad. Your mother will kill me, and then I'll have to kill you guys. - Here's 40 bucks for pizza, okay? - Oh, cool. You guys can have that. Knock yourself out. Back door, turn the alarm system off, and, look, Thomas, I'm not an idiot. I know that you're going to have friends over, - Dad, why do you think-- - Honestly, we have no-- I'm sorry, who are you? That's Dax. He's shooting a movie for a birthday ... present. - He's just a friend from school. - Four or five friends tops. I'm just asking that you please respect my house. - Okay? - Alright. Fine. So, don't forget to leave the gate open for the gardener. I know I don't need to tell you, but my car is off-limits. - Yeah, Dad, I know. - Okay. Good. Pool heater? Don't touch it. Also, guys, do not go in my office, right? You know I have three projects I'm working on. I don't want anybody in there. Clear? Get out. Out! Out! Out! Out! Nothing goes in here, alright? Where's your mom? Oh, I've got to get the bags. What... What's going on? What's the matter? I'm just worried. - About what? - I don't know. Thomas. Leaving him alone all weekend. Please, stop it. Come on, honey, he's... - He's 17 years old. - That's what I'm worried about. Let's be realistic here, okay? This is Thomas we're talking about. - He's not exactly Mr. Popular. - What is that supposed to mean? I'm just saying that he's not that type of kid, you know? He's got a couple of friends. They're gonna hang out. They're not going to do anything. He's a sweet kid, but... he's a loser. [all singing] Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, Thomas. Whoo! Yay! Honey, car's here. Boys, you've got to get to school. Cool. Hold on. We've got to give Thomas his birthday present. Mr. Kub, how cool is it that Thomas was born on your anniversary, huh? What a great anniversay gift: A baby. Happy birthday, sweetie! Mom's minivan? Nice! - Yeah, and it's just for school and back, all right? - Yes, of course. - Cool, right? You've got a car now. - Thank you so much. I know. Okay, and, Milo, you take good care of Thomas, okay? Mom's gonna miss you. Okay, bye. All right. See you, guys. And, uh, every one of my phone calls gets answered, right? - Every one. - Yeah, I know. - All right. Have fun. - Happy anniversary! Get off me, you little faggot dog! Yeah! It's on, motherfucker! Whoo! Chill out! God damn. Dude, it was really cool of your mom and dad to clean it out and wash it for you. Dude, it's a free car. I'm not about to complain about a free car. First off, it's not even a car. It's a fucking minivan. We can't even roll in this. Dude, too bad your dad didn't give you the Benz. That would've been sick. You know, you're right, Costa. Let's just take your car. - Oh, you don't have one. - Good fucking joke. So, dog, you ready for tonight? Uh... I actually want to talk to you about that before we jump into it. - I knew it. You're bitching out. - What? What? Dude, I'm not bitching out. Thomas is bitching out like the little bitch that he is. Oh, my God. We need this party, man. You need this party. I'm just nervous. What if nobody shows up? What if it sucks? That's not an option. People will show up. Look at J.B. He's like a little fat Rain Man texting away. Are you telling me he doesn't need this? Holy shit! Did your parents give you the minivan? That's awesome! Hey, Costa. Hey, Dax! Excuse me, can I get to my locker right there? Dude, why are you staring at my dick? I wasn't. It's-- my locker is right there... - Whatever, you fucking weirdo. - Just let it go. Just come on. - Yeah, that's a sweet minivan, soccer mom. - See? See what I told you? Is it true what I heard about you at Sam's party last week? You got a blowjob from his mom? That party was so sick. Everyone got laid. You know, Wheelchair Robert even got a handjob. Nice. Are you kidding me? Why the fuck weren't we at that party, man? Well, so we missed the party, dude. Big deal. It is a big deal. We miss every party. I mean, did you hear that guy? Wheelchair Robert got beat off. I want to show you something. You see this? Check this out. That's Stacia. She's gorgeous, right? That's my girl back in Queens, and we could be crushing this kind of ass. We need a game-changer. I mean, no one even knows who we are. If we want to be big-time players, we need to make a big-time play. You feel me? J.B. ... Whoa! What the fuck, man? Why do you have a boner? I don't. It's just ... my underwear is sitting funny. - Dude, cover up. - That's absolutely disgusting. I mean, it's easy to talk shit, when the party's not even at your house. Dude, please don't back out. This party is going to change everything for us. Yeah, well, I'm the one taking the whole risk. I mean, all you do is show up and drink. Do you really think your two best friends would ditch you if something went wrong? - I'm fucking offended, man. - Yeah, me, too. The whole idea behind tonight is to get these bitches to recognize us as large-scale ballers. Back in Queens, I had hos blowing me on the reg. Then I started hanging out with you two? ZERO! - I just don't really see the point any more. - How do you not see the point? There's the point. There's the point. - Okay. - There's two more fucking points right there! - It's all around, dude. - I get it. If you fuck this up, I will stab you. I'm not kidding. - Okay, like, no more than twenty people. - Twenty people? - All right. Thirty people, okay? - Thirty people? Yeah. I have to make sure my house doesn't get totally fucked. Thirty people won't change anything for us. All right. Like, okay, fifty people absolute max. Fine. Fifty people. Absolute max. You know, just big enough to be cool. Epic party at Thomas Kub's house. Hot bitches dress like it. Ugly bitches stay home. Mass marketing. Ya know. ... and if you guys get there before we get there, you could just get in the backyard and set up, and do what you've got to do. Dax. Dax. Go up over the top. Okay. Really appreciate that. Oh, uh... I have to call you back, Sarah. I'm sorry. Dude, what are you doing, Dax? Get the fuck out of here! - What the fuck are you doing? - Guys... Oh, are you fucking with me right now? That was a business call for your birthday party! Who takes a shit and makes a business call? Are you guys kidding me? Come on, dude. I can't see a thing! It's dark as fuck in here! Dax, come on. Let's get closer. It should be pretty cool, eh? Basically chill. - I'm letting Costa plan most of it. - Oh. That sounds like a really brilliant idea. No, he's doing a good job. He's, like, getting a bunch of booze, and... I think, like, a DJ. A DJ? Super chill. Guess what Mama Kub and Papa Kub got for, uh... Baby Kub? - ... Baby Kub for his birthday? - What? The Kubmobile. They gave you the minivan? For my birthday, yes. Your parents definitely give the worst gifts ever. Where's your present? Dude, are you serious? You haven't gotten me a birthday present in, like, ten years! - I thought we were just... - So? But, since I am a better friend than you, I did get you something. I'll bring it tonight. Okay, I have to go run. Happy birthday, loser. Don't trip. Oh, shit! Ow! I'm okay! Thomas, suck my cock. - What? - Mama Kub and Papa Kub? Yeah. Those are my parents, asshole. Damn! She's so fucking hot, dude. You think she'll come tonight? I'm not inviting her. You've got to do this one. Alexis won't come. She fucks college dudes. Lamell? - What the...? I don't know any Lamell. - Aw, he's cool. You guys, seriously, the last thing I want in my house is a bunch of randoms. Wrong, dude. The last thing you want is nobody at your fucking house. The more the word gets around, the more likely these chicks are going to show up at our party. Watch and learn how Captain __ does it. [Trick Daddy's "I'm a Thug" playing] Hey, girls. Remember to wear something tight. What's up, sisters? Thomas Kub's house. 8 o'clock. Come get a piece of this white chocolate. Are you going to be going to Thomas' birthday party tonight? Thomas? Who's that? Who's Thomas? Is there something there? That dick in the sweater vest was telling us about? What up, Ace? 8 o'clock. What are your expectations for the party tonight, dude? Get high. Fuck bitches. You don't even know. Yeah, I think we're gonna come. Can we bring some people? Can I bring people? Thomas Kub's house. 8 o'clock. [Happy Birthday, Thomas Kub! ] Oh, shit! [J.B. likes hard cock] What we are witnessing is truly a breathtaking moment in the life of our young Thomas. The helpless fetus is growing a tiny, tiny penis. A penis he may some day insert into this female's vagina, should he survive his first encounter without her eating him. [Pusha T feat. Tyler, the Creator "Trouble On My Mind" playing] Dude, we need a ton. Extra-large condoms. I'm not paying for that shit. [over PA] Attention, valued shoppers. Join us for an evening of ballsy entertainment at Thomas Kub's house. Dude, stop. Hey, little one, want something to drink? She's gonna catch him, and he's gonna get his ass kicked. Holy shit, dude! It's Miles Teller! Dude, that's him. Holy shit. Yeah, my boy started at second base for UMC. I heard he got sent to detention once and he ended up banging the teacher. Mi-Tel, what's crackin', bro? We go to North Pas. - Yeah, we're big fans. - Huge fans. Cool. Awesome. Look: we're making a movie. Invite him, man. Come on. Okay, uh... Listen, Miles, we're having a little soirée at my place tonight. I mean, if you want to swing by. Teller, my boy here is under-selling this like a motherfucker. The shit's gonna be legit. You should definitely swing by. Yeah, I can't I've actually got other plans tonight, so I might not make it. Dude, think about it. It's on Dickens Street. Love to have you. Uh... Dickens Street? That's your party? You guys are throwing that? I'm- - That's where I'm going. I heard it's gonna be fucking crazy, bro. Yeah, it's my party. I'm Thomas Kub. It's my birthday today. Yeah, I heard there's gonna be unlimited high-school pussy and shit. Dude, high-school pussy for days. What? Mind your own business, lady. Um... how are you guys doing on liquor? You got liquor? I'll figure it out. I'll tell you what: Don't even worry about it, man. I'll bring it. I'll call my boys up. Don't even sweat about anything. Thank you so much! Cool. See you guys tonight, then. - Alright, cool. - Dickens Street. Teller, bring your mitt. We'll play catch. No. Bring your mitt? Fucking fuck? [AMG's "Bitch Betta Have My Money" playing] Okay, here's what I want: The party is limited to the backyard, okay? The house will be locked, and the alarm will be set. No one is going inside. All right? - You want us to throw down in the bushes? - I don't care. Dude, if I don't fuck a girl with big titties tonight, I'm drowning myself. I don't care if she's 300 pounds. I have to fuck a girl with big titties. You feel my drift, J.B.? Sure do. I mean, I'd love to get some oral, or, at least, do some finger-banging. What? Finger-banging? Can you please elaborate? What you're going to do is take your first finger, your thumb, and your middle finger. Make a "come here" motion. Like, "Hey, come here." This is called, "The Machine Gun", or "The Friendly Scissors". This is called, "The Circle of Pleasure"... "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" ... Tapping and circling... Tap-tap-tap... By the way, keep telling her how pretty she is all the time. SHUT THE FUCK UP! - Oh, my God! - Your loss, man. It's good knowledge. You're gonna go straight up here, and then you're gonna take a right again. Alright. Listen. The three of us will have full access to the house for sex and finger-banging-- Yes! -- but no one else, okay? Of course, bro. We got your back. - Okay. Take a right. - Here? You're gonna want to lock your doors. - Are you serious? - Yes, I'm serious. Lock your doors. T-Rick. Gotta score some of that chronic shit! Are you sure this guy is cool? T-Rick's the coolest. He's ex-military. Wait 'til you see his gun collection, bro. It's fucking insane. This place is ghetto as fuck. Yeah. Why the fuck do we have to come all the way over here? I mean, can't we just get it at school? Where do you think the school gets it from? This is wholesale, nigga. You are literally retarded. Aw, shut the fuck up. T-Rick! Open up! Hey! What's up, bro? How you doing? Everything copacetic? Dude, everything's great. I see you upgraded the dish. Everything looks great. Yeah, I fucking did. I upscaled it. These are my boys J.B. and Thomas. Hi. How are you doing? ...a semi-automatic Mossberg Maverick. I'd love to go to the range with you some time. You know? Yeah. That's a good idea. Go down to the range. Get it all out of your system. Pretend you're killing Congs if you want. [James Blunt - "You're Beautiful" playing in background] Alright, well, I'll get your stuff. - Here. Stoke up the fire, buddy. - Aw, man, you're the man. - Okay, T-Rick. - Yeah. Kick ass, man. Can we get going? - Come sit down, dude. - Check it out. - What are you doing? - Fucking stop. That's technically a homosexual act. Oh! I'm coming on Santa Claus' face! Costa! He's coming back! - Take it! - What are you doing? Are you stealing it? No! Just borrowing it. We need a fucking mascot for the party. Here you go. Let's do this. I've got to be at the dojo by five. Absolutely. I told you guys. T-Rick's just a sweetheart. You little fucking cocksucker! Give me back my fucking gnome! Give the gnome back! Just drive! Go! He's a fucking wild man! He's fucking crazy! Holy shit! Oh, my God. God! Dude, he fucking cracked my windshield! My cousin owns a body shop. He'll fix it no problem, man. Kung-fu no good here. Aaaahhhh! Give me back my gnome! The guy's like the fucking Terminator! Jesus! - No, he was super-pissed, though. - He scared the shit out of me. Hey, boss. - What the fuck? - There he is. This is Everett, and his boy, Tyler. They're gonna be running security for the night. Are you serious? - Are those nunchucks? - Yeah. - Oh, shit. - You guys look like ninjas. Ninjas are fucking pussies. - That's why I love this kid. - You know it. Seriously, Thomas, with these two, we've got nothing to worry about. - We outside the Kub house-- - Hey! - We've got bogeys. - What up, Costa? Do I know you guys? We heard about your shindig tonight. - We want in. - Freshmen? - Yeah. - Get the fuck out of here, man. - Come on, dude. - Are you still talking? Get the fuck out of here. - Dick. - Oh! J.B., drop those bags. We've got work to do. Hi. Good evening, Mrs. Stilson. My name is Oliver. This is my friend, Jonathan. - We're both friends of Thomas Kub. - Oh. Yeah. We're hosting a little birthday party for Thomas, and we wanted to give you the courtesy of informing you that there possibly would be a little bit of party-related noise. I wanted to give you my phone number, just in case you have any problems or concerns. You are a very beautiful woman. - Call me anytime you want. - Oh, thank you. That's very sweet of you. I mean that when I say that you are a very beautiful woman. ... having a little birthday party for Thomas Kub. He lives over there. - Am I invited? - Uh... Yeah, you can come by. Well, guys, thank you very much, and have a good time at your pool party. Thank you, man. I really appreciate it. Come by any time you want, man. Seriously. - All right. Thank you. - All right. Bye, baby! Muchas gracias por su... consideration. Estas bienvenido. - Gracias. - De nada. - DJ's over there. - Cool. - Got the bar set up over here. - Nice. - Karaoke in the poolhouse. - Nice! Holy shit, dude! Where'd you get a bouncy house? - Costa hooked it up. - You know it, baby! $50 extra with the porta-potty. They threw these in for free. - Nice touch. - Why not? It's a birthday party! You guys want to help? Do something! Hey, Chubs, why don't you grab your twin brother right there? - Fuck it, dick. - Hey, dudes, check it out. Yeah, like that's going to work. Yes, it is going to work. Next time your pool guy's here, he's going to be, like, "Excuse me, Mr. Kub, but I seem to have found some water in your semen." Fucking disgusting. J.B. I thought I told you pick up ice! I did. It's in the freezer in the garage. - What the fuck are you doing, man? - I'm getting in shape for the party. - The party is in three hours! - It's mostly water-weight. - Wrestlers do it all the time. - Yeah, wrestlers also wrestle all the time. - Let's crank this thing up. - No! Please, Costa, don't! It's not gonna work unless we crank it up. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! - Let's go! Come on! - Dax! Dax! Help me! Dax! Aahh! Are you alright, dude? J.B., are you alright? An hour from now, this place is a fucking madhouse. Not a madhouse. It's going to be a fun, decent-sized party. You. Me. Dax. Thank you. I don't drink alcohol. Okay, faggot. To one sick, fucking night. Cheers. Shit! Come on! How are you so fucking bad at this game, Costa? Shut up, Kirby. You're killing my concentration. Thomas, come here, fucker. I'm kicking Costa's ass. Oh-ho! Watch this. - Looks like I win. - Shit! Fuck you. You guys, it's like 9:20 already. Dude, relax. People are going to show up. I promise, bro. - It's getting late. - I'm gonna look like such a dick if no one shows. Shut the fuck up, Thomas. It's pissing me off that you don't trust me to know what I'm doing. I'm the hub of a very large social circle. When I put the word out, it goes fucking out. - Oh. My. God. - What the fuck are you wearing? You're gonna get laid, dude. Ladies love a guy with class. Are you retarded? Jesus Christ, man. Where do you even get shit like that? - Men's Wearhouse. - Men's Wearhouse? Hey. Whoa. Shh. What is it? That's what I said. Don't doubt the master, bitches! [Lloyd Banks feat. Juelz Santana "Beamer, Benz, or Bentley" playing] Dude, we've done good. Jesus. All those chicks are really hot. - They're coming in packs. - This is insane. L'chaim! What up, baby girl? Yeah. This is way more than fifty people. Of course it is. It's "plus one." That's fucking Alexis, dude. - She came, man. - Whoa. Thomas, this is your party. She's the hottest girl here. That had better be yours tonight. [Eminem - "W.T.P." playing] Where the fuck is your drink, Thomas? - I'm not doing beverages. - What the fuck does that even mean? - J.B. get this kid to drink. - Yeah, all right. Everybody in the club gettin' tipsy! Who's that dude with the mustache? Oh, that's de Rosa. He graduated. When? In 1986? Can we at least try and have a good time? Wooh! - He's good. - Here we go! Blast off! That is not fucking cool! Oh, my God! It's a flying dog! That's my fucking dog! - Oh, I've got to record this. - Are you serious right now? - Fuck this. I'm putting him inside. - Let me help you. Can you imagine if your mom ever saw that? Poor Milo. I don't know. It's pretty funny. - Maybe I'll post it on YouTube. - No! No. Stop. Don't. Come on. You're way too easy. - I love it. - I hate you. You'll be okay, Milo. I promise. Alright, well, um... I'm going to go back out there. Yo, what's up, bro? - Hey, man, what's up? - Nice party, man. Yeah, thanks. Would you guys mind maybe getting off my dad's car? It's just, he'll go crazy if anything happens to it, you know? Alright, man, cool. Thanks. I appreciate it. Yeah. Yeah. Thomas! Take a bullet from me right now. - What the fuck is that? - It's tequila. Just fucking take it. Come here. Come here. Come on. Ladies. What's up, ladies? Who wants to take a shot with the birthday boy? Hell yeah. She's a professional. Open up! Take it! Oh, my God, she's got a deep throat! Okay! Open up! Open up! - What's up, guys? - Well, we did it. This is amazing! How the hell did we get all these people to show up? Check it out, guys. I'm pretty sure it's that girl from Playboy. - Who? - My God, it is her. She graduated three years ago. She's in Playboy's Pac-10 issue. Dibs. Yeah, like that's going to happen. Well, I want to declare it, just in case. - [Bus horn honking] - Oh, shit! We're fucked. - What's going on? - There's people in the house! Shit. - Hey, Costa! - I'm under-staffed! Come on! I need your fucking help, man. Seriously. Welcome to the party. Welcome. Welcome. - Yo, what's up, man? - Miles! How we doing? That's Ashley. Rachel. Sarah. Look at all these people I brought to your party! Party camera, boost it up. Let's go! I'm talking about the fucking people in the house, asshole, alright? My parents are going to crucify me if anything gets fucked up. You know what? I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a dick, - I'm getting them out of the house, now. - Dude, come on. Dude, what the fuck are you doing? Thomas, please don't embarass me like this. Yeah! Thomas! [Crowd cheering] That's what I like to see, baby! Are you having a good time? Come on, guys. Let's start making some drinks. Let's get wasted. Yeah, Costa! Can I help you, sir? - I'm here to see Thomas. - First and last name, please. I'm Rob, the neighbor. Who the fuck are you? - I'll ask the questions, sir. - Get out of my way. Rob. Hey. What can I do for you, man? Man, I don't mean to be a dick here, or anything, Your friend Oliver came over earlier and told me you guys were having a little party, but this is too much. Yeah, we actually should be winding down around midnight. Maybe 1:00. - Is that okay? - No, man, it's not. I'm sorry. The baby can't sleep, and Melinda has to be up early for work. Fuck yeah, my boy Rob is here! Rage! I'm sorry. The baby can't sleep, and Melinda has to be up early for work. Fuck yeah, my boy Rob is here! Rage! Good to see you, brother. Actually, you know what, bud? I'm not raging. I'm actually just telling Thomas that it's time to shut it down. You can't be serious. This is a great party. What the fuck? I am serious, 'cause it's 11:30 at night, and it's time to wrap it up. Why don't we just bring everyone to the back, lower the volume-- Guys, this isn't a request. The party is over. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree, then, aren't we? Listen to me. Thomas, either shut it down, or I'm calling the cops. Fine. Fuck it. I'm calling the fucking co- - AAAHHH! Oh, Jesus Christ, what did you do that for? Are you fucking kidding me? He'll fucking kill you! Who the fuck Tased me? I'm definitely calling the cops now. You punched a kid in the face. I'm calling the cops on your ass now. Do it, genius. It's all on tape. I just saw this motherfucker record it right here. All I got was you punching that little child's face. - Fuck you. - Go home, Robert. [Crowd booing] Are you alright, man? Is he okay? You're a fucking champion! He sucker-punched you. - We'd own that bitch in a real fight. - You think so? I know so. Fuck that asshole. We'd kill him, bro. - Yo, Costa, what's up? - Yo, go in the back. I want you to dial it back like 10-15%. You can't hard-charge all the time, alright? - And lose the Taser, okay? - I got it. Get down here. We need a post-up at the cockbiter's house. If he calls the cops, I want you to radio it over to me. Okay? Get out of here. Go! Alexis was eye-fucking the shit out of you, and you got college girls on your dick. You're golden! Dude, I'm so fucked. Relax, man. Everything is going great. Oh, shit! Are you fucking kidding me? Didn't I tell you two to fuck off? - Get down here, right now! - Come on, Costa, there's like 200 people here. I don't care. T, get these freshmen out of here. This is party for grown-ups. - Let's fucking go! - This makes no sense. - There's kids younger than we are! - Yeah, how the hell did they get up there? Move it, fellas. Go! Go! You, too. Get out of here. That's my boy! That's my boy! See? The kid's a pro. We've got nothing to worry about. Dude, you heard Rob, man. What if he calls the cops? The guy isn't going to do shit. He punched a 12 year-old in the face. Thomas, everything is under control. Let's just have some fun. I got this. Okay? Cannonball, bitches! Get in! This is the Thomas Kub pool-cam. Dude, check it out. Check it out. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Read the sign, honey. Sorry. I don't make the rules. No fucking way! - Dude, go over there! - Do you fucking believe this? Yeah! [All cheering] - Oh, my God! - Holy shit! Fucking insane! Oh, my God. Dude, that sign fucking worked. You've got to have faith, son. Would you like a glass of wine? I've got red. I've got white. I've got Cabernet. - Merlot. - Just another beer would be great. How'd this thing get up here? - Was someone in my parents' room? - It's a gnome. I guess he gets around. - Who cares, man? - I just don't want people up here. Besides, it's creepy. Look at it. J.B., what are you looking for? Looking to see if your dad has condoms. I'm working on something downstairs. The only thing you're working on is diabetes, you fat fuck. Whoa, dude, Alexis just texted me. What? What's it say? Body shots for the birthday boy right now. - Dude, it's fucking on! - Check it out. - Your dad is a freak. - Stop. Costa, wait! What are you doing? Replying. - Don't. Here, don't send that. - Send. Too late, man. What did you write? "I want your ass, too, mommy"? "I want your ass, Mommy"? Who talks like that? I do. The shit works. Go. Go talk to her. [White Arrows - City Boy (KKS mix) playing] Wait, wait wait! No, no, no, no. - What? - Not like that. Not like that. Like this. Put this in your mouth. Your turn. Kub! House phone! House phone! Shit! Sorry. Look out. Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. Thanks. Close that behind you. Shit! Dax, find the phone! Alright, fuck it. Just be quiet. - Hello? - Thomas. - Are you there? Where've you been? - Dad, hey. We've been trying your cell phone all night. I thought we agreed all my calls would be answered. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry about that. We... We were in the hot tub, so I didn't have it on me. Thomas, please, I don't want to find any wet towels when we get home. - I want to come to a clean house, okay? - Yes. Definitely. [Knocking on door] We were just calling- - What was that? [whispering] Dude, look at her! What was that? Thomas? Uh... nothing. That was Costa. You're on speaker-phone. Well, we just wanted to call one last time before going to bed, and make sure you're all set for the night. Yup, all good. Um... I'm actually about to go to sleep ... right now. Great. Well, we'll see you Sunday. - Happy birthday, Thomas. - Thanks, Dad. Good night. Good night. Holy shit! Yeah! Fuck yeah! Hey, I'm not here to bust anybody. I'm just here to party. C'mon, give me a break. You got a ball? - Yeah, man. - Let's do this. Here we go. Up high! Come on, right here! Yeah! What's that, dude? Hold on, I can't fucking hear a thing you're saying. Speak up, E. What? E? What the fuck are you doing here? - What are you going to do about it? - Dickhead. You're a fucking asshole. Go ahead, bro. What's happening? Subject is currently arguing with an overweight woman, most likely his wife. She wants him to call the police. He says he wants to handle it himself. He's drinking. They're in the kitchen. I'm upstairs. - Kids are asleep. Over. - Wait! In their house? Are you fucking kidding me? E, get the fuck out! Now! Negative. I'm a ghost. Out. What the fuck am I going to do with this kid? E? E? [Bonde do Rolê - Marina Do Bairro playing] - Are you having fun? - Yeah, I'm having a good time. It's pretty fucking crazy. Oh, my God. What was wrong with me? Wow. This was before Costa. Yeah. The good old days. Yeah. Back when you were still in the crew, right? You used to be so cute. What happened? Shut the fuck up. It still looks like me. Was that weird? I'm sorry. - Shit. That was weird, wasn't it? Fuck. - No... It was a little weird. Um... Cops on the way! Now! Everybody, now! Party in the back! Get in the back, now! Hey, you over there! Get in the back! Cops are coming! Let's move! Move it! Move it! Let's go! Hurry up! Cops are coming! Everybody in the back! Costa! - Hey! Costa! - Everybody get in the back! Hey, what's going on? - The cops are on the way right now. - Oh, shit. Get in the back, now! Everybody move! Let's go! Hide the bottles! Get going! Get in the back, now! Get out, you guys, please! - They're on their way, now. - Wait. How do you know that? Don't ask. My boy is in deep. Gotta clear this fucking beer out of here. - Is that everything? - Yeah. I've got your chalice. Law enforcement currently on-scene. Standing down ... for now. - I don't hear anything. - No, it doesn't sound like a party. Not a party that's still going, anyway. Evening, officers. You fellas having a party? Yeah, we're having a small, little birthday gathering for my friend. I'm the friend. It's my birthday. A lot of cars for a small party. SSSSSShhhhhhh! The house. Whose is it? Is there a problem here, officers? We have a noise complaint. - Mind if we look around? - I'd prefer if you didn't. We're not asking. Excuse me, officers. I'm not a lawyer or anything, doesn't the law state that you cannot enter through a private residence without permission? Is there an adult here we might speak with? You're speaking with one. I'm 181⁄2 years-old, sir, and, of course, in my culture, I've been a man since my 13th birthday. So, you're telling us we cannot come in? Well, with all due respect, technically the law says you cannot. What we're saying is you may not. I guess both are true. The law says you cannot, because we say you may not. All right, all right. Props on all the can/may bullshit. - Very good. - No doubt. Thank you, sir. Just keep the noise down to a minimum, okay? Yes, sir. Of course. Don't make us come back. You know what I mean? - Yeah. - Of course. - Good night. - Good night, officers. "Technically the law says..." blah, blah, blah... Damn Internet. Everybody's a fucking attorney. - Fucking A, Costa. - Seriously. Come inside. Just come inside. Just forget about it. To the break of dawn, yo! [All cheering] [Kid Cudi feat. MGMT Ratatat "Pursuit of Happiness (Steve Aoki remix)" playing] Oh, shit! What the fuck are you doing? Thomas, my cousin can replace the window, no problem. It's all good, man. I promise. Where did you get this? This is my mom's. It's not a problem. I'm not going to break it. Throw it in here nice and low. Take it! They're pills! It's Ecstacy, bro! Oh, shit! Give it to me! Are you serious? You heard about this on craigslist? On craigslist, yeah. There was a thing, a gnome. He's right there. - Whoa. We are so fucked. - Relax, man. We need to tell Thomas. T-Rick's so burned out, he probably forgot about it already. This is bad. Mom, Dad, it's me, Thomas. Um... I'm drunk. I mean, that's not an excuse. Hopefully we'll meet again, so I can explain things. I mean, I don't really have an explanation other than fucking Costa made me do it. - [Knocking on door] - Fuck off! - Dude, it's us! - I know! What the fuck are you doing in here? The whole party is outside, man. Have you seen what my fucking house looks like? We'll have the whole day to fix up this place like new. It's all good. No, it's not all good, okay? And what about this? What if my parents see it? Nobody is going to see this shit but us. I promise. Where the fuck did all these people even come from? I mean, you know a guy down there told me he found out about the party on craigslist? My dad met my step-mom on craigslist. So you just put my address on the fucking Internet? - Well, not just the Internet. - Shut the fuck up, J.B.. No. Wait. What the fuck is he talking about? Okay. I had Jesse Marco put out an e-mail blast, and I may have called a radio station. You motherfuckers! Hey, you were so nervous about people not showing up. Dude, people are spilling shit, breaking shit... I mean, people are probably stealing shit, alright? It's out of control. And, look, I wasn't nervous. I just wanted the party to be big enough to be cool. Dude, look, back in Queens-- And I'm fucking sick of hearing about Queens, alright? We get it. Queens is awesome. We're a bunch of pussies. I don't fucking care. Whatever happens, we can make this right. I'll fix this whole fucking house myself if I have to. Your parents aren't even coming home until Sunday. You just need to relax, man. - Want a massage, bro? - No. No. This is my favorite song, guys. [R. Kelly - Bump N' Grind playing] I can't believe, like, you guys did this to me. We did this for you. Look, man. I know you're not a drug guy, and I respect that about you, but right now, this is what you need. - What is it? - It's Extacy. It'll put the brakes on your little freak-out. Just take it. Alright. This won't try and, like, fuck me up, will it? Of course it will, dude. That's the whole point. Here. Hey, you get a half of one. Just give me, like, ten minutes. No fucking way, man. This is your night. Cut the music! How's everybody doing? This is your host, Costa. I want to bring out my best friends Thomas and J.B. Get your asses up here. Come on. Move your asses! Come on, J.B., move your fat ass. The reason you guys are here tonight is that it's Thomas Kub's birthday, and we're going to sing "Happy Birthday" for him. One, two, three. [Crowd singing "Happy Birthday")] Thanks, everybody, for coming! Let's get the music rockin'! [Lil' Jon feat. LMFAO "Outta Your Mind" playing] What's up in this bitch? Hey, nigga, what's up? You want some of this? You got something to say? What the--? Let me go! Don't shut that! Hey, have you seen Thomas? We're looking for him. Oh. Well, when you find him, can you tell him I've got something for him? - Jump in! - You're breaking the rules, you know. Ew. Why won't you get in with me? It's just, like, I already went swimming once, against my will. So, Thomas, are you having fun? - No. Yes. - Not at all? - You look pretty fucked up. - I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm a little fucked up. But you look good. Have you gotten lucky at all? I'm pretty lucky right now. - Slow down, dude. - Fine. Give me that. Are you having fun at this party? I'm having so much fun. It's just that it's a small get-together. It should be basically chill. Now, look how fucking chill this is! It's no big deal. There's two DJs. That's not a big deal. Right? - When do your parents get home? - I don't know. J.B.! Get your fat ass up here! There's a midget in the oven! Let's go! - What? - What did he say? I heard midget and oven. - Hey! - Get the fuck out of the way! I'm so sorry! No, no. I'm so sorr-- Oh, my God! Yo, yo, yo! Hey! Um... I just heard a rumor that all of your balls got attacked by a midget. Is it true? Please? Please just tell me it is. I'm praying it fucking is. Dude! I can't believe I missed it! Look at your fucking pupils. I love you guys. No, seriously. Look, I realize that I can be, like, a huge dick sometimes. I'm really sorry for that. It's okay. No, it's not. J.B., I'm sorry for buying you a bra on your birthday. That wasn't cool. Wasn't cool, man. And I'm sorry for all the times I called you, "fat fuck," - "chubby bitch," - Yeah. - "Fudgy the whale," - Okay. and I'm sorry for that time at your brother's Bar Mitzvah when I told everyone that you looked like Rosie O'Donnell, - 'cause you don't. - I don't. - Hey, guys? - What? I hooked up with Kirby. I'm, like, really into her. Okay, seriously, Thomas, that's, you know, cool and all, but she's kind of always been around. It's like hooking up with J.B., - but her tits are smaller. - Hey... I'm just saying, Kirby's, sort of, like, one of us. You know, tonight's about the girls we never had a shot at. Tonight's about ... changing the game. [Yeah Yeah Yeahs Heads Will Roll (A-Trak remix) playing] It's crazy! I haven't seen Tyler in an hour. We were slightly out of our league on this mission. - Cool room. - Thanks. It's a bit messy right now. Yeah, let me, uh... So, it's your birthday. Yeah, it's my birthday. Whoa. [Small Black - Despicable Dogs (Washed Out Remix) playing] Oh, my God! Kirby... - Fuck off! - Kirby... Thomas! What the fuck? Asshole! - Would you like a hand with that? - What? How long have you been in there? - Fucking shit! - What are you doing? Kirby? Yeah, man! [The Kills - "Cheap and Cheerful (sebastian Remix)" playing] Oh, uh, Alexis, are you having a good time? No. I'm leaving. [Answering machine] Hi. You've reached the Kub residence. Please leave a message. - Thomas, it's me again. I just got another call. - Oh fuck, dude! I'm sure the neighbors are exaggerating. - Please call me. - Fuck. Holy shit! That's fucking insane! Thomas, look at what we did. Epic. Is this big enough to be cool? Game-changing. Oh, shit, it's the news. Dude, that's Thomas! Are you hearing this? This is your fucking party, man! You're right, dude. I needed this. Fuck, yeah! Look at me now, bitches! My party's the shit! - Watch this. - Watch what? Are you kidding me? Thomas, you crazy motherfucker! I love you! [All] Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Fuck that shit. I'm not jumping. Fuck that. To my family members, and my friends on Facebook, - What? - It's been a great ride. - Costa, hold onto these. - J.B., don't do it, man. - You're way too fat. - Shut up. Oh, my God! Aaahhh! J.B.! You alright, man? - J.B.! Are you alright? - Ha ha! [Crowd cheering] This is Falcon-1. I was just attacked ... by this really sexy woman. We've lost all control of the situation. The house was breached hours ago, I was just attacked ... by this really sexy woman. We've lost all control of the situation. The house was breached hours ago, chaos has spread to the streets, and the police are returning in force. We're clearly outnumbered. God help us. [Crowd chanting "Cops go home!"] [Over loudspeaker] This is the police. Disperse peacefully and immediately, or you will be subject to arrest. [Police radio] We need immediate assistance. Drive! Drive! Drive! [Police radio] Requesting backup, all units. [Jay-Z Kanye West - H.A.M. playing] Holy shit! ** on purpose. [Reporter] Chaos has broken out in the Southland, where this normally quiet residential street has turned into anarchy. I'm being joined right now by Captain Reeseman of the Police Department. We're going to have to let this thing burn out, before we even think about moving back in. Yeah! - Shit! That's my dad's car! - Oh, shit, dude. Holy shit! Are you okay, man? - What are you doing? - What? Fuck your car. Motherfuckers! Oh, my God. Thomas, Thomas, we're fucked. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix any of this shit. I'm sorry, Thomas. I just wanted to get some pussy. Oh, my God! Something is just happening right now. I've heard a commotion. Holy shit! What the fuck is that? Keep back! Run! Get the fuck out of here! Jesus Christ, dude! Get down! [Police radio] Subject is armed and active. Police are on-scene in riot gear. SWAT officers are rushing forward. Oh, shit, dude! It's T-Rick! - What the fuck is he doing? - COSTA! Give me back my fucking gnome! Just give it back to him! Where the fuck is it? It was full of Extacy! Everyone ate it! Motherfucking Costa! [Police radio] Subject is advancing. Police in the area: Approach with extreme caution. [Reporter] Police are now firing rubber bullets. [Police radio] Suspect is firing at officers. - Fuck this. - Where the fuck are you going, dude? Get back! No, Thomas! No! Look, T-Rick, we can fix this. Okay, man? Fuck you! You burned me, I burned you! Costa, you motherfucker! - Go! Go! Go! - Shit! Get the fuck out of here! Go! [Police radio] Subject is still active and on the move. Oh, shit! This is the police. Disperse immediately. Thomas, we've got to get the fuck out of here! - No, man! I can't leave my house! - The house is gone, man! - It's fucking over! - Where's Milo? Here! Here! J.B., what the fuck are you doing? The dog isn't going to be in that drawer! Here he is! I've got him! - Motherfuckers! - Come on! Let's go! Move! [Reporter] It's complete chaos out here. Police are using flash-bang grenades to try and disperse this crowd. [Loudspeaker] This is the police. Disperse immediately. If you do not disperse immediately, you will be subject to arrest. Disperse immediately. [Reporter] Police are now mobilizing, and fire helicopters have been brought in. They're dropping water, trying to put this blaze out. [Police radio] Officers need assistance. Holy shit! Tyler! I need you! Pull it together! Holy shit! [Police radio] Civilians 50 yards ahead on Dickens. Officers, engage with riot. What the fuck is going on here? Milo! Dude! Milo! Where are you, buddy? You owe me a fucking tree, you piece of shit! All I know is, I had a good time, you cock-sucking motherfucker! You know where you're going? You're going to jail, you motherfucker! Yeah! That's my boys! Suck my dick, Robert! Suck my fucking dick! Oh, shit! [Police radio] We've got a hit-and-run. Go! Go! Go! Go! Drive! [Police radio] Be advised. Officer down. Officer down. We need about an hour to make sure he's asleep. We'll definitely make our move. We'll go in through the back, break Rob's door down, - and torch the house. - Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? The guy has a wife and a baby. You're not going to burn his house down. He called the cops on us. He ruined everything. It's six in the morning. Let it go. It's over. Just go home. What about our money? The house is trashed. You're the worst security ever. Yeah, you guys should go home, too. You gonna be okay, man? Yeah. I'm just going to hang here with Milo for a bit. Alright. I'm gonna go home, have a good cry, and start calling some lawyers. Thomas, whatever happens, man, that was one fucking hell of a night. Come on, J.B., let's bounce. You can go, too, Dax. Thanks, Thomas. I had a really fun time. You'll be alright. [The xx - "Intro" playing] [KROQ-FM] Hey, it's Kevin Bean, from the world-famous KROQ. Can we please talk about this insanity in Pasadena last night? It looked like the greatest party I have ever seen. [KWPR Power 106] Big Boy's neighborhood. Beautiful day in the neighborhood. It is going down. I don't know if you guys been seeing the news, man, but some cats had a party in Pasadena, and took this thing to the whole next level. I'm talking 'bout, they trashed the neighborhood, they trashed the house, WeheardthatKanye made an appearance. - What? Yeah. So, if you were there at the party in Pasadena last night, hit us up, 'cause we're gonna be talking about it all morning long in the neighborhood. - I really am sorry. - You said that already. Do you have any idea how much all this is going to cost, Thomas? Your college fund is gone, I can tell you that. - Dad, I'm sorry. - You had so much going for you, and you just pissed it all away for one night? I just didn't think you had it in you. I know. I'm sorry I let you down. No, I literallly didn't think that you had this ... in you. So, uh, how many people were here? Um ... 1500? A couple thousand, maybe? Wow. You should've seen it. It was awesome. Yeah, well, you're still fucked, Thomas. [Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Dogg "The Next Episode" playing] Well, at least the van looks gangsta now. Dude, don't even start, okay? My dad is making me drive it as punishment. That sucks. Yeah, and I'm being brought up on, like, six different charges. My mom hasn't stopped crying. We're living at a Courtyard Marriott right now. I'm basically on house arrest until my hearing, and I'm definitely not supposed to be talking to you guys. My parents are convinced this is totally going to be fucking up my college plans. Your grades are fucking up your college plans. My dad got me a lawyer. Even that Jew thinks we're fucked. - He thinks we could actually do time for this. - Jesus. Well, what about you, Dax? What did your parents say? Um, I live alone, actually. You're really starting to fucking scare me. Yo! What up, Kub? Yo, what's going on, man? - Hey, Costa. - Hi, Thomas. Yo, you guys, Thomas, that party was dope. Thank you, man. You guys rock! [Crowd chanting "Thomas"] Kirby, wait! Kirby. Hey. Hey, look, I just wanted to talk to you. - There's really nothing to talk about, Thomas. - No, please, can I explain? It's not that complicated. What you did was really ... not cool. It really hurt me. Kirby, I'm really sorry about what happened. I didn't know how to handle it, but I think I do now, and that's why I'm here. My life right now is totally ruined. Okay? I practically burned down my whole neighborhood. I probably bankrupted my parents. I'll be in debt 'til I die, but the only thing I care about fixing right now is this. So, I'm sorry. You're still mad. I get it, but, if you are talking to me by my next birthday, I'd really like to spend it with just you. So, we're cool again? I never said you were cool. [Jimmy Kimmel Live! ] So, you know this high-school party in Pasadena that turned into a riot, right? The kid actuallly burned his parents' house down. Can you imagine how many chores it's going to take to make up for... He'll be taking the trash out nine times a day for the rest of his life. [Reporter] The person who caused the early-morning fire and explosion here has survived his injuries. [T-Rick] Costa! You move to place like Pasadena to avoid stuff like this. Some asshole puked all over my door. Do these kids even have parents? It's ridiculous, right? Have you seen the footage? Let me tell you, I haven't seen that many teenage boobs since R. Kelly's birthday party. [Jillian Reynolds - Good Day L.A.] Joining us now, live, is one Pasadena teen who has recently drawn a lot of notice for throwing what people are calling, possibly, the most epic high-school party of all time. Costa, before we begin, is there anything that you would like to say to the viewers? In fact, I would. You said it was "perhaps" the most epic party of all time? It was the most epic party of all time. Okay... I was thinking more along the lines of an apology. - Would you like to apologize? - I've got a better idea. How about I invite you to my next party? - What? - Yeah, you heard me, sugar-tits. Just make sure you wear something tight. What up, my lovely females! This is your boy, Costa, your host for the evening. Behind me is Thomas Kub's house. Today is Thomas Kub's birthday. And this is Project X, yo. [SINGING] Hey, we want some pussy [HUMMING] Hey, we want some pussy Birthday cake. Mm. - Dax, my dick's gonna get so wet tonight. - Excuse me. Shit. Um, Mrs. Kub, I thought you guys left already. - So, whas getting wet tonight? - Uh... Nothing. I'm sorry about that, Mrs. Kub. - Who's your friend? - Don't worry about him. We're shooting this birthday movie for Thomas. Like this day-in-the-life type thing. No big deal. He's still in the shower. See you later. [WHISPERING] Fuck me, that was close. Dax. [SHOWER RUNNING] [IN NORMAL VOICE] Happy birthday, motherfucker! Whoa, shit! What the fuck, dude? COSTA: What the fuck? - I'm jerking off to your mom. COSTA: So, dude, is your last day of being a loser. How does it feel? THOMAS: You're such a dick, Costa. Shit never gets old. [WIZ KHALIFA'S "WHEN I'M GONE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] COSTA [SINGING]: Wait for another day Whas up, Dax? How'd they rope you into this? He's one of J.B.'s guys from Gay-V Club. He's a fucking weirdo, I know, but he's a solid shooter. And he's gonna make us look pimp, and you fucking better. DAD: Thomas, get down here! Oh, shit. Les go. [MUSIC STOPS] COSTA: You said your parents will be gone by 7. I don't wanna go talk to your fucking dad. DAD: No food in the living room. Your mom will kill me and I'll have to kill you. - Here's 40 bucks for pizza, okay? THOMAS: Oh, cool. DAD: You guys can have that. Knock yourself out. Back door or turn the alarm system off. And look, Thomas, I'm not an idiot. I know you're gonna have friends over. - Dad, what do you think will happen? - Mr. Kub, honestly, we have no... Uh-uh. I'm sorry. Who are you? THOMAS: This is Dax. DAD: What is this? THOMAS: He's shooting a movie for my birthday, you know, a little present. DAD: Didn't know you had Goth friends. THOMAS: He's just a friend from school. DAD: Four or five friends, tops. I'm just asking that you please respect my house, okay? THOMAS: All right, fine. DAD: So leave the gate open for the gardener. And I know I don't need to tell you, but my car is off limits. - Yeah, Dad, I know. - Good. Okay. The pool heater, don't touch it. And also, guys, do not go in my office, right? I have three projects I'm working on. I don't want anybody in there, clear? - Get out, out, out. THOMAS: Dad... Nothing goes in here, right? Where's your mom? I'm gonna get the bags. DAD: Whas going on? Whas the matter? - I'm just worried. - About what? I don't know. Thomas, leaving him alone all weekend. Oh, please, stop it. Come on, honey. He's 17 years old. Thas what I'm worried about. Les be realistic here, okay? This is Thomas we're talking about. He's not exactly Mr. Popular. - What is that supposed to mean? - I'm just saying he's not that type of kid. He's got friends. They're gonna hang out, but they're not gonna do anything. He's a sweet kid, but he's a loser. ALL [SINGING]: Happy birthday to you [PARENTS APPLAUDING] DAD: Happy birthday, Thomas. - Whoo! Yay! DAD: All right, honey, car is here. - Boys, gotta get to school. THOMAS: Cool. Hold on. We gotta give Thomas his birthday present. How cool is it that Thomas was born on your anniversary? What a great anniversary gift, a baby. MOM: Happy birthday, sweetie. THOMAS: Ahh. - Mom's minivan? Nice. DAD: Yeah. Is just for school and back. Thas it, right? - Yes. Thank you so much. - Cool, right? You have a car now. THOMAS: I know. - Okay. Milo, you take good care of Thomas, okay? Momma's gonna miss you. - Okay, bye. - All right, see you guys. Every one of my phone calls gets answered, right? - Yeah, I know. - Every one. Okay. - All right, have fun. COSTA: Bye. THOMAS: Happy anniversary. Get off me, you little faggot dog. - Yeah! - Is on, motherfuckers! - Whoo! THOMAS: Shh. Dude, chill. Goddamn. COSTA: It was really cool of your mom and dad to clean it and wash it for you. Is a free car. I'm not about to complain about a free car. Is not even a car. Is a fucking minivan. We can't even roll in this. Dude, too bad your dad didn't give you the Benz. Thad have been sick. You know what, you're right, Costa. Les just take your car. - Oh, you don't have one. - Good fucking joke, good fucking joke. COSTA: So, dog, you ready for tonight? THOMAS: I wanna talk to you about that, you know, before we jump into it. COSTA: I knew it. You're bitching out. THOMAS: What? What? Dude, I'm not bitching out. Thomas is bitching out like the little bitch that he is. THOMAS: Fuck you. - Oh, my God. [THOMAS LAUGHING] - Oh, shit. - We need this party. You need this party. THOMAS: I'm just nervous. What if nobody shows up? What if it sucks? COSTA: Thas not an option. People will show up. Look at J.B. He's like a little fat Rain Man, texting away. [HORN HONKS] THOMAS: Dude, stop. COSTA: You're telling me he doesn't need this? Holy shit, dude. Your parents gave you the minivan? Thas awesome! - Yeah. - Hey, Costa. Hey, Dax. BRENDAN: That isn't happening. Thas not real. THOMAS: Uh, excuse me... GIRL: Sorry. Hey, can I get to my locker right there? Dude, why are you staring at my dick? [ALL LAUGHING] I wasn't. My locker's there. Can I get to it? - Whatever, you fucking weirdo. COSTA: Dude, let it go. Just come on. - Thas a sweet minivan, soccer mom. - See? See what I told you? [SCHOOL BELL RINGS] BOY: Is it true what I heard about you at Zam's party? You got a blowjob from his mom? That party was so sick. Everyone got laid. Wheelchair Robert even got a handjob. BOY: Nice. - Are you kidding me? Why the fuck weren't we at that party, man? So we missed a party, dude. Big deal. It is a big deal. We miss every party. I mean, did you hear that guy? Wheelchair Robert got beat off. I wanna show you something. See this? Check this out. Thas Stasia. Gorgeous, right? Thas my girl back in Queens. We could be crushing this kind of ass, but we need a game changer. I mean, no one even knows who we are. If we want to be bigtime players, we need to make a bigtime play. You feel me? J.B., what the fuck, man? Why do you have a boner? - I don't, is my underwear sitting funny. - Cover up. COSTA: Thas absolutely disgusting. THOMAS: Is easy to talk shit when the party's not even at your house. COSTA: Dude, please don't back out. This party is gonna change everything for us. Okay. Well, I mean, I'm the one taking the whole risk. All you do is show up and drink. You think we'd ditch you if something went wrong? - I'm fucking offended, man. - Yeah, me too. The idea behind tonight is to get these bitches to recognize us as large-scale ballers. Back in Queens, I had hoes blowing me on the reg. I started hanging out with you two. Zero! I don't really see the point anymore. COSTA: How do you not see the point? There's the point. There's the point. THOMAS: Okay. COSTA: There's two more fucking points right there! Is all around you. THOMAS: Dude, I get it. If you fuck this up, I will stab you. I'm not kidding. - Okay, no more than 20 people. - Twenty people? - All right, 30 people. - Thirty people? To make sure my house doesn't get fucked. J. B: Thirty people won't change anything for us. All right, look, okay, 50 people, absolute max. Fine, 50 people, absolute max. You know, just big enough to be cool. MAN [ON TV]: Sand, an adversary in many ways more dangerous than those carrying weapons. Mass marketing, handled. [CELL PHONES VIBRATING] - Shh. COSTA: Yeah, of course, Jack. Anything. And if you guys get there before we get there... [Skipped item nr. 171] [Skipped item nr. 172] ...and do what you gotta do. - Dax, Dax. Go film over the top. COSTA: Okay. Really, we appreciate that. Oh, uh... I have to call you back, sir. I'm sorry. What are you doing? Get the fuck out of here! THOMAS: What the fuck are you doing? - Guys. Hey, guys, what the fuck? [J.B. THOMAS LAUGHING] COSTA: Are you fucking with me right now? J. B: Look. COSTA: Is a business call for the party. THOMAS: Who takes a shit and makes a business call? COSTA: Are you kidding? THOMAS: Now you can shit in peace. COSTA: Come on, dude. I can't see a thing. Is dark as fuck in here. [COACH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] COSTA: Dax, come on. Les get closer. GIRL: Heh, heh. THOMAS: It should be cool, I think. Basically chill. I'm letting Costa plan most of it. Oh, that sounds like a really brilliant idea. No, he's doing a good job. He's getting, like, a bunch of booze and then I think, like, a DJ. - A DJ. Super chill. THOMAS: Ha. Guess what Mama Kub and Papa Kub got for... - Baby Kub? ...Baby Kub for his birthday. - What? - The Kub Mobile. - They gave you the minivan? - For my birthday, yes. Your parents give the worst gifts ever. - Where's your present? - You serious? You haven't gotten me a present in 10 years. So? But since I am a better friend than you, I did get you something. - Oh. - I'll bring it tonight. Hey, I have to run. - Happy birthday, loser. - Ow. - Don't trip. KIRBY: Ow! THOMAS: Oh, shit! KIRBY: I'm okay! Heh. COSTA: Thomas, suck my cock. THOMAS: What? - "Mama Kub and Papa Kub"? Jesus. - Yeah, those are my parents, asshole. THOMAS: Damn, she's so fucking hot, dude. - Think she'll come tonight? COSTA: I'm not inviting her. You do it. J. B: Alexis won't come. She fucks college dudes. [CELL PHONE VIBRATING] "Lamel"? What? I don't know any Lamel. COSTA: No, he's cool. Guys, the last thing I want in my house is a bunch of randoms. Wrong. Last thing you want is nobody at your fucking house. The more word gets around the more likely these chicks will show up at our party. Watch and learn how Captain Big Dick does it. [GIRLS CHATTERING] Hey, girls. Just remember, wear something tight. Whas up, sisters? Thomas Kub's house, 8:00. Come get a piece of this white chocolate. DAX: Are you gonna be going to Thomas's birthday party tonight? - Thomas? Who's that? - Who's Thomas? [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] That thing that dick in the sweater vest was telling us about? COSTA: Whas up, baby? Eight o'clock. [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] DAX: What are your expectations for the party? Get high, fuck bitches, you already know. - I think we'll come. Can we bring people? - Can I bring people? COSTA: Thomas Kub's house, 8:00. Oh, shit! Ahh! [THOMAS LAUGHS] COSTA: What we are witnessing is truly a breathtaking moment in the life of young Thomas. The helpless fetus is growing a tiny, tiny penis a penis he may someday insert into this female's vagina should he survive his first encounter without her eating him. [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] Paper towels. Get long. THOMAS: Don't! - Dude, get a ton. Oh, shit. Extra-large condoms. I'm not paying for that shit. [IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Attention, valued shoppers. THOMAS: Oh, my God. Join us for an evening of balls-deep entertainment at Thomas Kub's house. Dude, stop. COSTA [IN NORMAL VOICE]: Hey, little buddy. Want something to drink? Hey. J. B: He's gonna catch him and he's gonna get his ass kicked. [CRYING] THOMAS: You guys, we good on OJ? COSTA: Sunny D, dude. Grab it. Throw it in. I love... How are we doing on eggs? Holy shit, dude. Is Miles Teller. - Dude, it is. Thas him. Holy shit. J. B: He's so badass. COSTA: Yeah, my boy's starting at second base for USC. J. B: He got sent to detention once and banged the teacher. Mi-Tell, whas cracking, bro? - We go to North Pass. THOMAS: Yeah, dude, big fans. COSTA: Huge fans. - Cool. Awesome. COSTA: Look, we're making a movie. J. B: Invite him, man. Come on. THOMAS: All right. Okay. Um... We're having a soirée at my place tonight. If you wanna swing by, it should be... My boy is underselling this like a motherfucker. This shis gonna be legit. You should swing by. Yeah, I can't. I actually got other plans tonight, so I might not make it. Dude, think about it. Is on Dickens Street. We'd love to have you. - Uh, Dickens Street? COSTA: Yeah. Thas your party? You're throwing that? Thas where I'm going. Heard is gonna be crazy. Thas my party. I'm Thomas Kub. Is my birthday today. Yeah, I heard is gonna be unlimited high-school pussy. COSTA: Dude, high-school pussy for days. What? Mind your own business, lady. MILES: How you guys doing on liquor? You got liquor? THOMAS: Uh... Don't even worry about it, man. I'll bring it, call my boys up. - Don't want you to sweat anything. THOMAS: Thank you so much. Hey, is your day. Cool. See you guys tonight, then. THOMAS: All right, cool. - Dickens Street. - Teller, bring your mitt. We'll play catch. MILES: No. - Fuck. - "Bring your mitt"? The fuck? [OVER SPEAKERS] Nothing like black pussy on my dick Word to the motherfucking DJ Quik Okay, here's what I want. Party's limited to the backyard, okay? [Skipped item nr. 289] [Skipped item nr. 290] - No one is going inside, all right? COSTA: Stop. - Throw down in the bushes? THOMAS: I don't care. If I don't fuck a girl with big tits tonight, I'm drowning myself. Don't care if she's 300 pounds. I have to fuck a girl with big tits. THOMAS: Oh, my God. COSTA: Feel my drift, J.B.? J. B: Sure do. I mean, I'd love to get some oral or, you know, at least do some finger-banging. What? Finger-banging? Can you please elaborate? You take your first finger, your thumb and your middle finger. Make a "come here" motion. "Come here." This is called "machine guns" or "friendly scissors." The "circle of pleasure." The "itsy-bitsy spider." Tapping and circling. Tap, tap, tap. Keep telling her how pretty she is the whole time. Shut the fuck up! - Your loss, man. Is good knowledge. THOMAS: Oh, my God. COSTA: Straight here, then take a right. THOMAS: All right, listen. The three of us will have full access to the house for sex and finger-banging. COSTA: Yes. THOMAS: But no one else, okay? COSTA: Of course, bro, we got your back. - Hey, take a right. THOMAS: Here? COSTA: You want to lock your doors. THOMAS: Are you serious? COSTA: Yes, I'm serious. THOMAS: Where the fuck are we going? T-Rick's. Gotta score some of that chronic shit. J. B: You sure this guy's cool? COSTA: T-Rick's the coolest. He's ex-military. Wait till you see his gun collection. Fucking insane. J. B: This place is ghetto as fuck. THOMAS: Why do we have to come here? We can't just get it at school? Where do you think the school gets it? This is wholesale. THOMAS: You are literally retarded. COSTA: Ah, shut the fuck up. J. B: Ah! Fuck. COSTA: T-Rick, open up. - Hey, hey, hey. - Hey, whas up, bro? - I haven't seen you in a minute, Costa. - Yeah. - Nice to see you. - How you doing? Everything copacetic? Everything's great. You upgraded the dish. Looks great. Yeah, I fucking did, upscaled it. - Upscaled it. I fucking did. - Yeah. - These are my boys, J.B. And Thomas. J. B: Hi. All right, yeah, yeah. Come on in, come on in. [DOG BARKING] Oh, yeah, that was a 12-millimeter semi-automatic Mossberg Maverick. - I'd love to go to the range with you. - Yeah, thas a good idea. Going on the range, get it all out of your system. Pretend you're killing cops, if you want. [OVER SPEAKERS] You're beautiful You're beautiful, is true I saw your face In a crowded place All right, well, I'll get your stuff. Here, stoke up the fires, buddy. COSTA: Man, you the man. Fuck, yeah, T-Rick. T-RICK: Yeah, kick ass with that. J. B: Hey, can we get going? THOMAS: Costa, come sit down, dude. He's about to fucking... COSTA: Check it out. THOMAS: What are you doing? Fucking stop. [COSTA GRUNTS] Thas technically a homosexual act. [COSTA MOANING] I'm coming on Santa Claus's face. THOMAS: Costa, he's coming back. - Dax, take it, take it. DAX: What the fuck are you doing? J. B: Dude, are you stealing it? COSTA: No, we're just borrowing it. We need a fucking mascot for the party. J. B: Jesus Christ. T-RICK: Here you go. Les do this, I gotta be at the dojo by 5. - Absolutely. - Cool. See, I told you guys, T-Rick's just a sweetheart. Mm. [SNIFFS] Smell it, J.B. - You little fucking cocksuckers! COSTA: Oh, fuck! - Give me back my fucking gnome! COSTA: Fuck! J. B: Give him the gnome back. Give him the fucking gnome back. COSTA: Fuck that! Just go. J. B: Get out of here! COSTA: Oh, shit! J. B: Oh, fuck! Holy shit, Thomas, he's fucking wild! He's a fucking crazy man! Holy shit! He's gone! He fell off! [TIRES SCREECHING] - Holy shit, man! J. B: Holy shit! [ENGINE STALLING] [ENGINE STARTS] THOMAS: Shit, shit, shit! Thas my boy Tom! That was some serious fucking shit right there! THOMAS: What in the fucking world? J. B: Fuck. Shit. THOMAS: Oh, my God. J. B: Shit. THOMAS: God, dude, he fucking cracked my windshield. COSTA: Fuck it, my cousin owns a body shop. He can fix it, no problem, man. [IN CHINESE ACCENT] The kung fu no good here. COSTA: Oh, fuck! Holy shit! - Give me back my gnome! COSTA: Holy shit! J. B: Guy's like the fucking Terminator! Jesus! - No, he was super pissed though. J. B: Dude scares the shit out of me. BOY 1: Hey, boss. What the fuck? COSTA: There he is. This is Everett and his boy Tyler. They're running security for the night. THOMAS: Are you serious? Are those nunchucks? - Yeah. THOMAS: Oh, shit. J. B: Look like ninjas. - Ninjas are fucking pussies! COSTA: I love this kid. - You know it. COSTA: With these two, we got nothing to worry about. - We're outside the Kub house. BOY 2: Hey. - We have bogeys. BOY 2: What up, Costa? COSTA: Do I know you guys? We heard about your shindig tonight. We want in. COSTA: You freshmen? - Yeah. COSTA: Get the fuck out of here, man. - Come on, dude. COSTA: Are you still talking? Get the fuck out of here. KYLE: Dick! [THOMAS CHUCKLES] COSTA: J.B., drop those bags. We got work to do. [DOORBELL RINGS] Hi. Good evening, Mrs. Stillson. My name's Oliver. This is my friend Jonathan. - And we're both friends of Thomas Kub. - Oh. Yeah, we're hosting a little birthday party for Thomas. And we wanted to give you the courtesy of informing you that there'd possibly be a bit of party-related noise. I wanted to give you my number in case you had problems or concerns. You're a very beautiful woman. Call me anytime you want. - Thank you. Thas very sweet of you. - I mean that when I say that. You are very beautiful. - A little party for Thomas. He lives there. Am I invited? - Yeah, dude, fine. You can come by. - Nice. Thank you very much. Have a good time at your party. COSTA: Thank you, I appreciate this. Come by anytime you want. - All right, see you. J. B: All right. - Bye, baby. COSTA: See you guys. [COSTA WOMAN SPEAKING IN SPANISH] [THE HUNDRED IN THE HANDS' "DRESSED IN DRESDEN" PLAYING] THOMAS: DJ's over there. J. B: Cool. - Um, got the bar set up over here. - Nice. - Karaoke in the pool house. - Nice. Holy shit, dude! Where'd you get a bouncy-house? - Costa hooked it up. - You know it, baby. Fifty bucks extra with the port-a-potty. And they threw these in for free. J. B: Nice touch. COSTA: Why not? Is a birthday party. You wanna help? Do something. - Chubs, grab your twin brother there. J. B: Fucking dick. - Hey, dudes, check it out. THOMAS: Yeah, like thas gonna work. COSTA: Yes, it is gonna work. Next time your pool guy's here, he'll be like: "Excuse me, Mr. Kub. I seem to have found some water in your semen." Thas fucking disgusting. COSTA: J.B., I thought I told you to pick up ice. I did. Is in the freezer in the garage. - What the fuck are you doing? - Getting in shape for the party. - The party's in three hours. - Is mostly water weight. - Wrestlers do it all the time. - Wrestlers also wrestle all the time. - Crank this thing up. - No. Is not gonna work unless you crank it up. Stop. Stop. Stop. - Les go, come on. - Dax. Dax, help me. - No, Dax, you're here to observe. - Help me! Dax! Aah! Jesus Christ! Are you all right, dude? Oh, my God, J.B., are you all right? An hour from now, this place is a fucking madhouse. Not a madhouse, just gonna be a fun, decent-sized party. Relax. For you. You. Me. Dax. DAX: Thank you, I don't drink alcohol. Okay, faggot. - To one sick fucking night. - Cheers. [YACHT'S "PSYCHIC CITY (CLASSIXX REMIX)" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] Come on over, over [GRUNTING ON VIDEO GAME] COSTA: Shit! Come on! Yes. How are you so fucking bad at this game, Costa? COSTA: Shut up, Kirby. You're killing my concentration now. KIRBY: Ha, ha! Thomas, come here! COSTA: Fucker! KIRBY: I'm kicking Costa's ass! Oh, watch this. COSTA: Shit! KIRBY: It looks like I win. COSTA: Fuck you. - You guys, is like 9:20 already. COSTA: Dude, relax. People are gonna show up. I promise, bro. KIRBY: Getting late. - I'll look like dick if no one shows. Shut up. It pisses me off that you don't trust me to know what I'm doing. I'm the hub of a large social circle. I put the word out, it goes out. THOMAS: Okay, cool. - Oh, shit. COSTA: What the fuck are you wearing? KIRBY: My God. THOMAS: Nice. KIRBY: You're gonna get laid, dude. - Ladies love a guy with class. Are you retarded? Jesus Christ, man. Where do you even get shit like that? - Men's Wearhouse. - Men's Wearhouse? Hey, whoa, whoa. [HORNS HONKING AND CAR DOORS CLOSING] KIRBY: What is it? J. B: Wow, dude, this is fucking... THOMAS: I can't believe it worked. COSTA: What did I say? Don't doubt the master, bitches! [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] COSTA: Dude, we done good. J. B: Jesus, all those chicks are really hot. COSTA: They're coming in packs. THOMAS: This is insane. [SPEAKS IN HEBREW] [OVER SPEAKERS] Beat it, I bet she let me She been fiending'since she met me I'm the coolest shit Especially when I throw on all my Gretzky Got my Smith and Wessie to protect me So respect me [ALL CHATTERING AND LAUGHING] COSTA: What up, baby girl? Andretti on Pirelli Make a movie out the getty Where my ring and my confetti? I'm Kobe Bryant ready Pink rosé and chronic smelly THOMAS: Dude, this is way more than 50 people. COSTA: Of course it is, is plus-one. Thas fucking Alexis, dude. She came, man. THOMAS: Damn, dude. J. B: Whoa. COSTA: Thomas, this is your party, and she's the hottest girl here. - That better be yours tonight. - Damn. [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] [OVER SPEAKERS] White trash party Pull a fifth of Bacardi From out of my underwear And walk around the party without a care - Where the fuck is your drink, Thomas? - I'm between beverages. What the fuck does that even mean? J.B., get this bitch a drink. Yeah, all right. [SINGING] Everybody in the club gettin' tipsy Who's that dude with the mustache? COSTA: Oh, thas LaRosa. He graduated. THOMAS: When, in 1986? Hey, will you at least try and have a good time? Whoo! BOY 1: Got it? You tie it? BOY 2: He's good. Ready to go. BOY 3: Blast off. [ALL CHEERING] [OVER SPEAKERS] Pennies up at skinnies Man, I do this for them bunnies That is not fucking cool. GIRL: Oh, my God, is a flying dog! 'Cause, homey That hood is tighter than Kenny's BOY 4: Is just like Up. THOMAS: Is my fucking dog. I gotta record this. Are you serious right now? - Fuck this, I'm putting him inside. - Let me help you. THOMAS: Hey. [DOG BARKING ON VIDEO] Can you imagine if your mom ever saw that? THOMAS: Is my fucking dog. Poor Milo. I don't know. Is pretty funny. - Maybe I'll post it on YouTube. - No, don't, don't, don't. Seriously, stop. Stop. KIRBY: Come on, you're way too easy. I love it. THOMAS: I hate you. You'll be okay, Milo. I promise. [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING AND CROWD CHEERING NEARBY] All right, well, um, we better get back out there. [FAR EAST MOVEMENT'S "CANDY" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] BOY 1: Hey, yo, Kub. Hey, yo, what up, dog? THOMAS: Yo, whas up, bro? Let me see what you got Now shake that thing - Hey, man, whas up? BOY 2: Nice party, man. Hey, thanks. Would you guys mind getting off my daïs car? Is just he'll go crazy if anything happens to it. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - All right. - Thanks, man, I appreciate it. - Yeah, no problem. Thomas! You're taking a bullet from me right now. - What is that? - Tequila. Just fucking take it. - All right. Fuck, dude. - Come here. Come on. Ladies, who wants to take a shot with the birthday boy? - Hell, yeah. - Whoa, uh... Oh. THOMAS: Careful. COSTA: She's a professional. Open up. Take it. Oh, my God, she's got a deep throat. - Okay, open up, open up. Now. GIRL: Yeah! [OVER SPEAKERS] Say what Bitch, I'm about to blow up J. B: Pardon? Oh, hey. GIRL: Hey. - Whas up, guys? - Well, we did it. This is amazing. How did we get all these people to show up? Check it out, guys. I'm pretty sure is that girl from Playboy. THOMAS: Who? COSTA: Oh, my God, it is her. She graduated three years ago. She's in Playboy's Pac-10 issue. - Dibs. - Yeah, like thas gonna happen. Well, I want to declare it, just in case. [HORN BLARES] - Whoa. - Oh, shit. TYLER: We're fucked! THOMAS: What? Oh, hey, whas going on? - There's people in the house! THOMAS: Oh, shit. - Hey, Costa. TYLER: I'm understaffed. - Come on, I need your fucking help. COSTA: Goddamn it. J. B: Wow. Whoa. [GIRLS CHEERING] Hey. Hey, hi. Hi. Welcome. Welcome to party. Welcome, welcome. - Yo! J. B: Miles! Little dude. Whas up, man? How we doing? - Thas Ashley, Rachel, Sarah. J. B: Hi, hi. I brought all these people to your party. Fucking camera creeps me out. - Yeah, is... Don't worry. MILES: Les go. I'm talking about the fucking people in the house. My parents are gonna crucify me if anything gets fucked up. I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a dick. I'm getting them out of the house. Now. Fuck, hey, stop, seriously. COSTA: Dude, what the fuck are you doing? - Please don't embarrass me like this. - Hey, listen up! ALEXIS: Yeah, Thomas! Whoo! [ALL CHEERING] Yeah, bro! Birthday boy on the table! Thas what I like to see, baby. - You having a good time? - Yeah. Come on, guys, les start making some drinks. Les get crazy in this bitch. TYLER: Can I help you, sir? - I'm here to see Thomas. - First and last name, please. I'm Rob, the neighbor. Who the fuck are you? - I'll ask the questions, sir. - Exactly. Get the hell out of my way. [DOORBELL RINGS] - Rob, hey. What can I do for you, man? - Hey. Look, man, I don't mean to be a dick here or anything. Oliver came over earlier and told me you guys were having a little party but this is too much. Yeah, we should be winding down, like midnight, I mean, maybe 1. - Is that okay? - No, is not. The baby can't sleep, Melinda works early tomorrow. Fuck, yeah! My boy Rob is here to rage! Mwah! - Good to see you. - Actually, I'm not raging. I'm telling Thomas is time to shut it down. You can't be serious. This is a great party. I am serious, because is 11:30 at night. Is time to wrap it up. J. B: Hey, hey, hey. Why don't we bring everyone to the back, lower the volume? Guys, this isn't a request. The party's over. I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree, then, aren't we? Listen to me, Thomas. Either shut it down or I'm calling the cops. Ahh. Fine. Fuck it. I'm calling the fucking cops... Aah! COSTA: Fuck! THOMAS: Oh, shit! Jesus fucking Christ! Whad you do that for? COSTA: Are you kidding me? I will fucking kill you! The little fuck Tased me! I'm definitely calling the cops now! You punched a kid in the face! I'm calling the cops on you. Do it, genius. Is all on tape. I just saw this motherfucker record it. DAX: All I got was you punching that little chilïs face. Fuck you. COSTA: Go home, Robert! BOY: It was just a kid, man! - Are you all right, man? THOMAS: Is he okay? You're a fucking champion. He sucker-punched you. You'd own that bitch in a real fight. - You think so? - I know so. Fuck that asshole. You're killing it, bro. BOY: Yo, Costa, whas up? - Yo, go in the back. I need you to dial back 10, 15 percent. You can't hard-charge all the time. All right? And lose the Taser, okay? - Got it. - Get down here. We need a post up at the cockbiter's house. If he calls the cops, I want you to radio it over to me, okay? Get out of here. Go. Alexis was eye-fucking you, and you got college girls on your dick. - You're golden! THOMAS: Dude, I'm so fucked. - Relax, man, everything's going great. DAVE: Shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Didn't I tell you two to fuck off? - Get down here now. - Come on, there's like 200 people here. I don't care. T, get these freshmen out of here. This is a party for grownups. Les fucking go. Makes no sense. This kiïs younger than we are. THOMAS: How did they get up there? - Move it, fellas. - You too, get out of here. - Thas my boy. Thas my boy. See, the kiïs a pro. We got nothing to worry about. Dude, you heard Rob, man. What if he calls the cops? The guy isn't gonna do shit. He punched a 12-year-old in the face. Thomas, everything's under control. Les just have some fun. I got this, okay? Cannonball, bitches! [CROWD CHEERING] [ANIMAL COLLECTIVE'S "MY GIRLS" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] [COSTA SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] I don't care for fancy things Or to take part in the vicious race This is the Thomas Kub pool cam. Dude, check it out. Check it out. COSTA: Whoa, whoa, whoa, read the sign, honey. Sorry, I don't make the rules. [OVER SPEAKERS] Ray-Ban vision, these ain't no prescription [CROWD CHEERING] THOMAS: No fucking way. Dude, go over there. Do you fucking believe this? [GIRLS SCREAMING] In this, feelin' tremendous Lenses darker than the tint on my Benzes Yeah! Ha, ha! [DAX GRUNTS] Whoo-hoo! [CROWD CHEERING] THOMAS: Oh, my God! - Holy shit! Fucking insane! THOMAS: Oh, my God. Dude, that sign fucking worked. You gotta have faith, son. Would you like a glass of wine? We've got red, we've got white. You know, Cabernet, Merlot. Just another beer would be great. Uh... Here we are. Whoa. [GULPING] Wow. Okay. [GIRL SCREAMS] [CROWD YELLING AND LAUGHING] GIRL: J.B.! [GIRL LAUGHING] How did this thing get up here? Was someone in my parents' room? Is a gnome. I guess he gets around. Who cares, man? Well, I just don't want people up here. Besides, is creepy. Look at him. [CLATTERING] - J.B., what are you looking for? - To see if your dad has condoms. I'm working on something. Only thing you're working on is diabetes, you fat fuck. - Oh, dude, Alexis just texted me. - What? Whas it say? "Body shots for the birthday boy right now"? - Dude, is fucking on! J. B: Check it out. THOMAS: Seriously, what are you doing? - Your dad is a freak. Stop. Give me that. Costa, stop, wait. Costa, what are you doing? - Replying. THOMAS: Don't. Here, don't send that. - Sent. Too late, man. - What did you write? "I want your ass too, Mommy"? "I want your ass, Mommy"? Who talks like that? I do. The shit works. Go. Go talk to her. Oh. [SNIFFS] [WHITE ARROWS' "CITY BOY (KKS REMIX)" PLAYING] [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] Hey, hey, hey, hey [BOTH CHUCKLING] Wait. No, wait. What are you doing? Not like that. Not like that. Like this. Put this in your mouth. [SHINY TOY GUNS' "LE DISKO (BOYS NOIZE)" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] Your turn. Kub! House phone! House phone! Shit. Sorry. Um... Excuse me. Sorry. Look out. Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me. Oh, shit. Sorry. Dax, close that behind you. Shit! Dax, find the phone. [PHONE RINGING] Um, right, you know what? Fuck it, just be quiet. - Hello. DAD: Thomas. Are you there? - Dad, hey. - Where have you been? We've been trying your cell all night. - We agreed my calls would be answered. - I know. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. We were out in the hot tub, so I didn't have it on me. I don't want to find wet towels when we get home. - I want to come home to a clean house. - Of course, definitely. - We were just calling... What was that? - Dude, look at her. What was that? Thomas? Nothing. That was Costa. You're on speakerphone. We just wanted to call one last time before going to bed make sure you're all set for the night. Yep, all good. I'm actually about to go to sleep right now, so... Great. Well, we'll see you Sunday. Happy birthday, Thomas. - Thanks, Dad. Good night. - Good night. Holy shit. [CROWD CHEERING] Fuck, yeah! BOY: Oh, shit, I think thas his dad. What? I'm not here to bust anybody. I'm just here to party. GIRL: Ew! - Come on, "Ew." Give me a break. You got a ball? KIRBY: Yeah, man. - Les do this. Here we go. Paxson for three. Whoa, ho, ho, ho! Up high! Come on, dude, right here. Yeah! Let me have that. [CROWD LAUGHING AND YELLING] [NAS' "NASTY" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] Hey Nasty, kid Hey Whas that, dude? Hold on, I can't fucking hear a thing you're saying. Speak up, E. What? E... What the fuck are you doing here? - What you gonna do about it, bitch? - You're not invited, dickhead. [BOYS LAUGH] Fucking asshole. Bro, whas happening? EVERETT: Subject is arguing with an overweight woman, most likely his wife. She wants him to call the police. He wants to handle it himself. He's drinking. They're in the kitchen. I'm upstairs. Kids are asleep. Over. Wait, you're in their house? [STATIC CRACKLING] Are you fucking kidding me? E, get the fuck out now! Negative. I'm a ghost. Out. What the fuck am I gonna do with this kid? E! E! [BONDE DO ROLE'S "MARINA DO BAIRRO" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] KIRBY: Are you having fun? THOMAS: Yeah, I'm having a good time. KIRBY: Is pretty fucking crazy. Oh, my God. What was wrong with me? Wow, this was before Costa. Yeah, the good old days. Yeah, back when you were still in the crew, right? You used to be so cute. What happened? Shut the fuck up. Still looks like me. Was that weird? I'm sorry. Shit, that was weird, wasn't it? - No, it... It was a little weird. Heh. - Fuck. Um... [CROWD BOOING NEARBY] COSTA: Cops on the way. Get out, everybody! Now! Everybody in the back! Get in the back now! What, are you over there? Get in back! Cops are coming! Hurry, les move! Move it, move it! Les go! Hurry up! Cops are coming! Everybody in back! THOMAS: Costa. Hey, Costa. COSTA: Everybody get in the back! THOMAS: Hey, whas going on? COSTA: The cops are on their way now! THOMAS: Oh, shit. Get in the back now! Everybody move! Les go! Keep going! Get in the back now! TYLER: Get out, police. EVERETT: They're on their way now. THOMAS: How do you know that? COSTA: Don't ask. My boy's in deep. Gotta clear this fucking beer out of here. Damn it. - Is that everything? THOMAS: Yeah. I got your chalice. Law enforcement currently on scene. Standing down, for now. - I don't hear anything. - No, it doesn't sound like a party. Not a party thas still going, anyway. [KNOCKING ON DOOR] Here they come. - Evening, officers. - Fellas having a party? Yeah, we're having a small little birthday gathering for my friend. I'm the friend, my birthday. Lot of cars for a small party. Shh. Shh. [CROWD MURMURING] The house? Whose is it? Is there a problem here, officers? We have a noise complaint. - You mind if we look around? - I'd prefer if you didn't. - We're not asking. - Excuse me, I'm not a lawyer or anything. Doesn't the law state that you cannot enter through a private residence without permission? Is there an adult here we might speak with? You're speaking with one. I'm 18 and a half years old, sir. And, of course, in my culture I've been a man since my 13th birthday. So you're telling us we cannot come in? With all due respect, technically the law says you cannot. But what we're saying is, you may not. I guess both are true. The law says you cannot because we say you may not. All right, all right. Props on the "can/may" bullshit. Very good. No doubt. Thank you, sir. OFFICER 1: Just keep the noise down to a minimum, okay? Yes, sir. Of course. Don't make us come back. You know what I mean? - Yeah. - Uh-huh. Of course. - Good night. - Officers. Night. "Technically the law states..." Damn Internet. OFFICER 2: Everybody's a fucking attorney. [ENGINE STARTS] COSTA: Fuck you. - Dude, Costa. Seriously? - Fuck you. - Come inside. Just come inside. Just forget about it. [CROWD MURMURING AND CHUCKLING] To the break of dawn, yo! [ALL CHEERING] [KID CUDI'S "PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS (STEVE AOKI REMIX)" PLAYING] [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] COSTA: Holy shit! THOMAS: What the fuck are you doing? Thomas, my cousin can replace the window, no problem. Is all good, man. I promise. - Where did you get this? Is my mom's. - Come on, bro. I'm not gonna break it. [SCREAMING] [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] Throw it in here, nice and low. [SCREAMING] [ALL SCREAMING] GIRL: They're pills! BOY: Is Ecstasy, bro! [ALL CLAMORING] [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] You heard about this on Craigslist? Craigslist, yeah. Is on the thing, on the page, right there. J. B: Whoa, we are so fucked. COSTA: Relax, man. J. B: We need to tell Thomas. COSTA: T-Rick's so burned out, he probably forgot about it already. J. B: This is bad. Mom, Dad, is me, Thomas. Um... I'm drunk. I mean, thas not an excuse. Hopefully we'll meet again, so I can explain things. I don't really have an explanation other than fucking Costa made me do it. So... [BANGING ON DOOR] - Fuck off! COSTA: Dude, is us. THOMAS: I know. COSTA: What are you doing in here? The whole party's outside. Have you seen my fucking house? COSTA: We have a whole day to fix this place up. Is all good. No, is not all good, okay? I mean, what about this? What if my parents see it? Nobody's gonna see this shit but us. I promise. [Skipped item nr. 886] You know a guy down there told me he found out about the party on fucking Craigslist? My dad met my stepmom on Craigslist. So you put my address on the fucking Internet? - Well, notjust the Internet. - Shut the fuck up, J.B.! Wait, what the fuck is he talking about? I had Jesse Marco put out an e-mail blast and I may have called a radio station or two. You motherfuckers! COSTA: You were so nervous about people not showing up. Dude, people are spilling shit, breaking shit, probably stealing shit. Is out of control. I wasn't nervous. I wanted the party to be big enough to be cool. - Dude, look, back in Queens... - I'm sick of hearing about Queens. We get it. Queens is awesome. We're pussies. I don't fucking care. [OVER SPEAKERS] I'm doin'me I'm livin'life right now, man And this what I'm gonna do COSTA: Whatever happens, we can make this right. I'll fix this whole house myself if I have to. Your parents don't even come home till Sunday. You just need to relax, man. - You want a massage, bro? - No, no. Just, stop. This is my favorite song, guys. [OVER SPEAKERS] But my body My body's I can't believe, like, you guys just did this to me. J. B: We did this for you. Look, man, I know you're not a drug guy, and I respect that about you. - But right now, this is what you need. THOMAS: What is it? COSTA: Is Ecstasy. Ill put the brakes on your little freak-out. Just take it. [R. KELLY'S "BUMP N' GRIND" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] All right. This won't totally, like, fuck me up, will it? Of course it will, dude. Thas the whole point. Here. J. B: Hey. - You get half of one. Baby THOMAS: All right, just give me like 10 minutes. [GROANS] COSTA: No fucking way, man! THOMAS: Ow! Get off me. COSTA: This is your night. Cut the music. Cut it. How's everybody doing? Is your host, Costa. I'm gonna bring up my best friends, Thomas and J.B. Get your asses up here right now. Come on, move your asses. Come on, J.B., move your fat ass. The reason you guys are here tonight is because is Thomas Kub's birthday. And we're gonna sing a little "Happy Birthday" for him. One, two, three. ALL [SINGING]: Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday dear Thomas Happy birthday to you [ALL CHEERING] COSTA: Thanks, everybody, for coming. Les get the music rocking! [OVER SPEAKERS] Les fucking lose it Get out of your mind Get out of your mind Get out of your mind Fuck that shit Fuck, yeah! Whas up in this bitch? Fuckers. Hey, baby, whas up? Want some of this? GIRL: Yeah! LITTLE PERSON: The fuck you guys looking at? CROWD: Whoa! - You got something to say? - Buddy, what...? What the... [CROWD YELLING] LITTLE PERSON: Let me go! Goddamn it! Don't shut that... Scuffin'shell-toes Is that nigga dead? Hey, have you seen Thomas? We're looking for him. Well, when you find him, can you tell him I've got something for him? Jump in. THOMAS: You're breaking the rules, you know. Ew. Heh. Why won't you get in with me? Is just, like, I already went swimming once against my will. Wetness. Ha, ha. Whoa. KIRBY: So, Thomas, are you having fun? - No. - Not at all? - Yes. - You look pretty fucked up. - I'm a little fucked up. - But you look good. - Have you gotten lucky at all? - I'm pretty lucky right now. Slow down, dude. THOMAS: Fine. Give me that. - Are you having fun at this party? - So much fun. Is just that is a small get-together. It should be basically chill. THOMAS: Look how chill this is. KIRBY: Is no big deal. There's two DJ's. Thas not a big deal, right? When do your parents get home? - I don't know. COSTA: J.B., get your fat ass up! There's a midget in the oven. Les go. Come on. KIRBY: What? THOMAS: What? What did he say? I heard, "midget in oven." [BANGING] COSTA: Move the fuck out of the way! Move the fuck out of the way! - I'm so sorry, sir. I'm so sor... - Fuck! Hey, wrong guy. Wrong guy. - My God. Jesus Christ. DAX: No. LITTLE PERSON: Motherfucker! Motherfuckers! You fucking cunt! Yo, yo, yo, hey! I just heard a rumor that all your balls got attacked by a midget. Is it true? Please, please, just tell me it is. I'm praying it fucking is. Dude, I can't believe I missed it. COSTA: Look at your fucking pupils. - I love you guys. J. B: Ha, ha. No, seriously. Look, I realize I can be, like, a huge dick sometimes and I'm really sorry for that. - Is okay. - No, is not. J.B., I'm sorry for buying you a bra on your birthday. That wasn't cool. It wasn't cool, man. And I'm sorry for all the times I called you Fat Fuck. J. B: Mm. - Chubby Bitch. - Yeah. - Fudgy the Whale. - Okay. I'm sorry for that time at your brother's Bar Mitzvah where I told everyone you look like Rosie O'Donnell, because you don't. - I don't. - Hey, guys? - What? - Um... I hooked up with Kirby. I'm, like, really into her. Okay, seriously, Thomas, thas, you know, cool and all. But she's kind of always been around. Is like hooking up with J.B. But her tits are smaller. - Hey. - I'm just saying. Kirby's sort of like one of us. You know, tonighs about the girls we never had a shot at. Tonighs about changing the game. [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] [ALL CHEERING] [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] [OVER SPEAKERS] Heads will roll Heads will roll Heads will roll Is crazy out there. I haven't seen Tyler in an hour. We were slightly out of our league on this mission. [DOOR OPENS] - Cool room. THOMAS: Thanks. [DOOR CLOSES] Is a bit messy right now. Here, let me... [SMALL BLACK'S "DESPICABLE DOGS (WASHED OUT REMIX)" PLAYING] ALEXIS: So is your birthday. THOMAS: Yeah, is my birthday. Oh. I know where they build 'em I know where they're selling long Wider than the worst ones Wider than the one I know [DOOR OPENS] Oh, my God. Thomas? THOMAS: Kirby. KIRBY: Fuck off. - I'm sorry. Hey, hey, Kirby... Thomas, what the fuck? Asshole. [DOOR CREAKS] EVERETT: Would you like a hand? - How long have you been in there? - Fucking shit! - What are you doing? [FIREWORKS WHISTLING] [THE KILLS' "CHEAP AND CHEERFUL (SEBASTIAN REMIX)" PLAYING] THOMAS: Kirby! Kirby! [ENGINE REVVING] [PEOPLE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] [CHEERING] [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] DAX: Alexis, are you having a good time? No. I'm leaving. [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] [PHONE RINGING] DAD [ON RECORDING]: Hi. You've reached the Kub residence. Please leave a message. DAD [OVER PHONE]: Is me again. THOMAS: I'm fucked, dude. I just got another call. I'm sure the neighbors are exaggerating. - Please call me. - Fuck. [PHONE RINGING] [OVER SPEAKERS] Your style and your physique And I ain't tryin' to critique But you deserve a drink, so, whas up? What you sippin' on? Is no problem Black and gold bottles Like I'm pro-New Orleans But, shorty, I'm far from a saint But I got two AmEx's That look the same way Wale, D.C., thas me, huh My Prada say Prada And they Prada say Fila I ain't gotta tell you They know about me, huh Come to D.C. And I can make you a believer [Skipped item nr. 1076] [Skipped item nr. 1077] I ain't tryin' to lead you wrong, sugar I need you So would you please listen To what I'm gonna need from you Live for tonight Before tomorrow's amnesia Pretty girls I ask them do they smoke COSTA: Holy shit! Is fucking insane. [ALL CHEERING] [ALL CHATTERING] Thomas, look at what we did. Epic. Is this big enough to be cool? Game changer. [HELICOPTER WHIRRING] Holy shit, is the news. [CROWD CHEERING] BOY: Dude, thas Thomas! ALL [CHANTING]: Thomas! Thomas! Thomas! Are you hearing this? Thomas! Thomas! Thomas! COSTA: This is your fucking party, man. You're right, dude. I needed this. COSTA: Fuck, yeah! [CHANTING CONTINUES] [CROWD CHEERING] Look at me now, bitches! My party is the shit! My party is legendary! ALL [CHANTING]: Thomas! Thomas! Thomas! - Watch this. J. B: Watch what? COSTA: Are you kidding me? THOMAS: Hey, all you bitches. Aah! [ALL CHEERING] Know me from the you know Boss in my Hugo COSTA: Thomas, you crazy motherfucker! I love you! ALL [CHANTING]: Jump! Jump! Jump! Fuck that shit. I'm notjumping. Fuck that. Jump! Jump! Jump! To my family members, all my friends on Facebook... COSTA: What? - Is been a great ride. [Skipped item nr. 1114] [Skipped item nr. 1115] - You're way too fat. - Shut up. THOMAS: Yeah! [CHANTING CONTINUES] [CHEERING] J. B: Oh, my God! [J.B. SCREAMS] [CROWD GROANS] COSTA: J.B., you all right, man? - J.B., you all right? J. B: Ha-ha-ha! [ALL CHEERING] This is Falcon One. I was just attacked by this really sexy woman. We've lost all control. The house was breached hours ago. Chaos has spread to the streets. And the police are returning in force. We're clearly outnumbered. [PEOPLE CHATTERING] [PEOPLE YELLING] God, help us. [SIRENS WAILING] BOY: Assholes! [CROWD BOOING AND SHOUTING] ALL [CHANTING]: Cops go home! Cops go home! OFFICER [OVER MEGAPHONE]: This is the police. Disperse peacefully and immediately or you will be subject to arrest. [CHANTING CONTINUES] [CHUCKLING] [BANGING] OFFICER: In need of immediate assistance. Drive, drive, drive! Requesting backup, all units... [ALL SHOUTING AND CHEERING] [YELLING] COSTA: Holy shit! I jumped off the house on purpose. [PEOPLE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] REPORTER 1 [ON TV]: Chaos has broken out in the Southland where this normally quiet residential street has turned into anarchy. [ALL CHEERING] I'm joined now by Captain Reesman of the Police Department. We'll have to let this thing burn out before we think about moving back in. [ALL CHEERING] [GIRL SCREAMS] THOMAS: Shit, thas my daïs car. J. B: Shit, dude. [HORN HONKS] THOMAS: Oh, shit. Oh, shit! COSTA: Are you kidding me? - What are you doing? - What? Fuck your car! [BOY SCREAMS] LITTLE PERSON: Motherfuckers! COSTA: Oh, my God, Thomas, we're fucked. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix any of this shit. I'm sorry, Thomas. I just wanted to get some pussy. [PEOPLE SCREAMING] And something's just happening right now. I've heard a commotion. [ALL CLAMORING] MAN: Holy shit! COSTA: What the fuck is that? THOMAS: Whoa! OFFICER 1 [OVER RADIO]: Outside visual on subject with... OFFICER 2: Everybody, back! THOMAS: Fuck! You guys, come on! COSTA: Come on, get out of here! Move! - Come on! COSTA: Go! Shit! THOMAS: Come on! Whoa! What the fuck, dude! Get down! - Holy shit! Look out. COSTA: Shit! What the fuck? [YELLING] OFFICER 1: Subject is armed and active. MAN: Oh, my fucking God. REPORTER 2: Police are on scene in riot gear. SWATofficers are rushing forward. DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]: All units hold for SWATteam arrival. THOMAS: Fuck! COSTA: Holy shit, dude, is T-Rick! - What the fuck is he doing? T-RICK: Costa! Give me back my fucking gnome! - Give it to him. Where is it? - It was full of Ecstasy. Everyone ate it! T-RICK: Where the fuck is Costa? OFFICER 1: Subject is advancing. COSTA: Whoa, shit! OFFICER 3: This is the police... OFFICER 1: Approach with extreme caution. OFFICER 3: Put down your weapon and put your hands in the air. OFFICER 4: Show me your hands! OFFICER 5: Put down your weapon! REPORTER 2: Police are now firing rubber bullets. OFFICER 5: Drop it now! OFFICER 4: Back up, back up! OFFICER 6: Get back! OFFICER 1: Suspect is firing at officers. - Fuck this. COSTA: Where you going? Get back here! J. B: Dude, Thomas, no! Look, T-Rick, we can fix this. Okay, man? T-RICK: Fuck you! You burn me, I burn you! COSTA: Thomas, get back here, dude! Costa, you motherfucker! OFFICER 3: Put down your weapon. Put your hands in the air. OFFICER 7: Go, go, go! - Shit! OFFICER 3: Put down your weapon. OFFICER 8: Yeah. Now. Take the shot! COSTA: Get the fuck out of here! Go! OFFICER 9: Get back. Get back! THOMAS: Fuck. Oh, my God. OFFICER 1: Still active and on the move. [T-RICK YELLING] Heading toward residence. COSTA: Holy shit! [CAR ALARMS WAILING] OFFICER 3: This is the police. Disperse immediately. Oh, my God. OFFICER 3: Disperse immediately or you will be subject to arrest. This is the police. - We gotta get out of here. - I can't leave my house. The house is gone, man. Is fucking over. - Where's Milo? OFFICER 3: This is the police. [PEOPLE SCREAMING] Disperse immediately. [ALL SCREAMING AND SHOUTING] COSTA: Go, go! THOMAS: I hear him here. What the fuck are you doing? The dog's not gonna be in that drawer. Here he is! I got him! Motherfuckers! COSTA: Come on, les go. Move! [GRENADES EXPLODING] REPORTER 2: Is complete chaos out here. Police are using flash-bang grenades to try and disperse this crowd. OFFICER 3: This is the police. Disperse immediately. If you do not disperse immediately, you will be subject to arrest. Go! Go! REPORTER 2: Police are now mobilizing. Fire helicopters have been brought in. They're dropping water to put this blaze out. OFFICER 1: Scene in progress, 50 yards ahead of IC. Officers need assistance. COSTA: Holy shit! [Skipped item nr. 1250] [GRENADES EXPLODING] Civilians 50 yards ahead on Dickens. - Officers engaged with riot... - What is going on? - Stay down. Stay down. - Fuck! Shit! THOMAS: Milo! - Dude, Milo! ROB: Hey, Oliver! Great party, buddy. You owe me a tree, you piece of shit. All we're doing is trying to have a good time, you cocksucking motherfucker! You know where you're going? You're going to jail, you motherfucker! Yeah! Thas my boys! Suck my dick, Robert! Suck my fucking dick! THOMAS: Fuck! Shit! Black sedan. License plate... We've got a hit-and-run. THOMAS: Go, go, go! COSTA: Run! Run! DISPATCHER: Unit 23, whas your status? OFFICER 1: Skirmish line, be advised, officer down, officer down. [SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE] EVERETT: He's home alone. He's been up all night, so he's probably gonna crash soon. We wait about an hour to make sure he's asleep, then we make our move. We go in the back, break Rob's door down, and torch the house. - Yeah. COSTA: What are you talking about? The guy has a wife and a baby. You're not gonna burn his house down. He called the cops on us. He ruined everything. Is 6 in the morning, man. Let it go. Is over. Just go home. What about our money? The house is trashed. You're the worst security ever. You guys should go home too. You gonna be okay, man? THOMAS: Yeah, I'm just gonna hang here with Milo for a bit. COSTA: All right. I'm gonna go home have a good cry, and start calling some lawyers. Thomas, whatever happens, man that was one fucking hell of a night. Come on, J.B., les bounce. You can go too, Dax. DAX: Thanks, Thomas. I had a really fun time. You'll be all right. BEAN [ON RADIO]: Kevin and Bean from the world-famous KROQ. Can we talk about this insanity in Pasadena last night? KEVIN: It looked like the greatest party ever. BIG BOY: Big Boy's neighborhood, beautiful day. It is going down. I don't know if you seen the news. But some cats had a party in Pasadena and took it to the whole next level. I'm talking about, they trashed the neighborhood. They trashed the house. We heard that Kanye made an appearance there. Yeah, so if you were there at the party in Pasadena last night, hit us up because we'll be talking about it all morning long in the neighborhood. - I really am sorry. - You said that already. Do you have any idea how much all this is gonna cost, Thomas? Your college fund is gone, I can tell you that. - Yeah. Dad, I'm sorry. - You had so much going for you and you just pissed it all away for one night? [DAD SIGHS] I just didn't think you had it in you. Well, I know. I'm sorry I let you down. No. I literally didn't think that you had this in you. So, uh, how many people were here? Uh... Fifteen hundred. Couple thousand, maybe. Wow. You shoulïve seen it. It was awesome. Well, you're still fucked, Thomas. [DR. DRE'S "THE NEXT EPISODE" PLAYING ON CAR RADIO] Is the motherfucking D-O-double-G Snoop Dogg You know I'm mobbin' with the D-R-E Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know who's back... [MUSIC STOPS] Well, at least the van looks gangster now. Dude, don't even start, okay? My daïs making me drive it as punishment. That sucks. Yeah, and I'm being brought up on like six different charges. My mom hasn't stopped crying. We're living at a Courtyard Marriott right now. I'm basically on house arrest until my hearing. I'm not supposed to talk to you guys. My parents are convinced this is totally gonna be fucking my college plans. Your grades are fucking up your college plans. My dad got me a lawyer. Even that Jew thinks we're fucked. - Thinks we could do time for this. J. B: Jesus. What about you, Dax? What did your parents say? Oh, I live alone, actually. You're really starting to fucking scare me. Yo, what up, Kub? BOY 1: Whas going on, man? BOY 2: Thas him. [STUDENTS CHATTERING] Hey, Costa. - Hi, Thomas. COSTA: Thank you. Thank you. BOY 3: Yo, you guys, Thomas. That party was dope. THOMAS: Thank you, man. BOY 3: No, thank you, man. You guys rock. [STUDENTS CHEERING] Thank you. BOY 4: J.B.! ALL [CHANTING]: Thomas! Thomas! Thomas! [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] THOMAS: Kirby, wait. Kirby. [Skipped item nr. 1358] [Skipped item nr. 1359] - There's really nothing to talk about. - Wait. Please, can I just explain? Is not that complicated. What you did was really not cool. It really hurt me. Kirby, I'm really sorry about what happened. I didn't know how to handle it. But I think I do now and thas why I'm here. My life right now, is totally ruined. Okay? I practically burned down my whole neighborhood. Probably bankrupt my parents. I'll be in debt until I die. But the only thing that I care about fixing right now is this. So, I'm sorry. If you're still mad, I get it but if you are talking to me by my next birthday I'd really like to spend it with just you. Oh, you're... So we're cool again? I never said you were cool. So you know this high school party in Pasadena that turned into a riot, right? The kid actually burned his parents' house down. Can you imagi...? Do you know how many chores is gonna take to make up for... [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] He'll be taking the trash out nine times a day for the rest of his life. REPORTER: The person who caused the early morning fire and explosion here has survived his injuries... T-RICK: Costa! We moved to a place like Pasadena to avoid stuff like this. Some asshole puked all over my front door. Do these kids even have parents? Is ridiculous, right? Have you seen the footage? Let me tell you. I haven't seen that many teenage boobs since R. Kelly's birthday party. [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE] Joining us now live is one Pasadena teen who's recently drawn a lot of notice for throwing what people are calling possibly the most epic high-school party of all time. Costa, before we begin, is there anything you would like to say to the viewers? In fact, I would. You said it was perhaps the most epic party of all time. It was the most epic party of all time. Okay. I was thinking more along the lines of an apology. Would you like to apologize? I got a better idea. How about I invite you to my next party? - What? - Yeah, you heard me, sugar-tits. Just make sure you wear something tight. [English - US - SDH] You think we'd ditch you if something went wrong? - I'm fucking offended, man. - Yeah, me too. Casting is 80 percent of the game in making a movie I would say, at least. So it was very much about finding those three guys and how they play off each other. J. B: Not kosher, not kosher, not kosher. The three of them are all different, but together they're a great team. Why don't you bitches come and fucking get us? ! The movie is supposed to feel as real as possible. Is a little bit harder thing to have an audience suspend that notion when is actors they've seen either on TV or in movies. If we want to be bigtime players, we need to make a bigtime play. They wanted to cast people who wouldn't have to act too much. And I think I am a lot like Thomas Kub, you know. And Oliver is a lot like Costa, and I think J.B. Is a lot like J.B. It all clicks for us. MAN: Tell me your name. - Thomas Mann. - Great. Whenever you're ready. - I'd say, "Les leave." But at this point there'd probably be a riot if we tried. We did this open call online just looking for kids that we thought could give us what we wanted. Hey, dick, look around, all right? Is completely fucking out of control. NOURIZADEH: When we first saw him in the audition, he was sweet. He had a vulnerability that I thought was perfect for the character of Thomas Kub. It wasn't so much, you know, kids playing roles. It was more like, "Les find the kids that are very similar to our characters." What up, bitches? This is Costa. This is motherfucking Project X. Peace. Someone in my acting class says: "There's this audition for the guys who did The Hangover." I was like, "Oh, shit," you know? "I'm perfect for this part." Is on, motherfuckers. The difficulty with a character like Costa is that he's a very obnoxious kind of guy. Thomas is bitching out. [GRUNTING] Originally, we wanted someone that had a lot of confidence but you didn't understand why. Back in Queens, I had hoes blowing me on the reg. The way the character read, for me, was just this character... Thas me acting confident. Whas up, sisters? Thomas Kub's house, 8:00. Come get a piece of this white chocolate. He had certain qualities that we even wanted to write into the movie. [Skipped item nr. 1448] [Skipped item nr. 1449] As someone who's known you half your life, I'm telling you you don't. You're always so fucking scared of everything. Grow some fucking balls, you bitch. [PEOPLE LAUGHING] NOURIZADEH: He just came in and he was just so determined just like the way he looked. And he nailed every audition. I pulled down my pants in the first audition. I was supposed to be on a toilet. I took a lot of risks because there was nothing to lose. You go into those things thinking you have something to lose, you're not gonna get it. You go in there thinking, "Who gives a shit? If this doesn't work, whatever." We needed a really strong character to get these two other kids out of this state of anonymity. COSTA: High-school pussy for days. What? Mind your own business, lady. COOPER: Is fun to be an asshole. Is the most fun part to play, you know. Is like, how many times do you get to express all the anger? You know, you can take it from anywhere. I'm Jonathan Daniel Brown. I'm 20 years old. I'm 5'5". BROWN: They set up a website called ProjectXOpenCall. Com. And I submitted a video. And then after that I got a call, came in for an audition. I'm an enlightened Republican so I'm totally fine with you working at Sephora and smoking yards of cock. But do you also have to smoke cloves? That shit smells worse than Gandalf's dirty old balls. With J.B., he's funny to watch. Found out I got the part and it was just a shock, and is not something I expected. [HUMMING] Especially in a project that specifically targets unknowns. That you'd be the unknown they target. Thas just crazy talk, you know? - Dibs. - Yeah, like thas gonna happen. Well, I want to declare it, just in case. We had a lot of fun with J.B. For me, personally he's the one guy, like, I would just laugh by just purely looking at his face. He just got an unusualness to him, an oddness to him. I'd say the difference between myself and sort of movie J. B J.B. In this movie is kind of quiet, kind of sweet. In real life I talk way too much. I don't know how many times I've been told to shut the hell up on the set. Shut the fuck up. Oddly, a lot by Oliver. Oliver tells me I talk too much. Shut the fuck up, J.B. He's Costa, so bad sign. - I love you guys. J. B: Ha, ha. No, seriously. I wanted to get as much, sort of, realism out of their friendship as possible so we sent them off to spend the day at Disneyland and hung out with them for a day and a night. MAN: Action. They wanted us to make it feel as genuine as possible, our friendship and our bond. [GRUNTING AND LAUGHING] COOPER: Not many can understand the situation we're put into... And I think we all were like: "Les try and do our best to become friends and just open yourself up." - As soon as we started rehearsing we started hanging out every day. So I kind of pride myself on how natural the friendship feels on camera because is not really scripted. Is a real friendship. We're hanging out every day. That was one fucking hell of a night. MANN: There was nice chemistry between us. Is a good balance to have. We're great friends now, so it worked. Part of the reason we even wanted to make the movie is to work with new faces and just put people out there and see, you know, what will happen. - Thas amazing. - No! PHILLIPS: So, in an odd way, it started like an experiment which I think is where we kind of came up with "Project X." It started as an experiment and it actually became a project and movie. You know, is interesting. You gotta have faith, son. A few months ago, I discovered I had a twin sister. And then she asked me to take her place, keep the secret, find our real mother, and try to stay alive. Put yourself in my shoes-- how long could you keep up the lying game? Previously on The Lying Game: You're not Sutton. When Sutton gets back, you know what happens. Sutton is staying with Thayer in L.A., and I think they're sleeping together. It was my mom's. I'm never taking this off. What happened to her? Annie Sewell... Who knows? I think she pretty much fell off the grid. I want you. (door opens) Oh, my God. Sutton... All it takes is a kiss, right, Emma? She took your spoiled, selfish life, and turned it around! You're finished here. We saw her. Now, I'm pretty sure she's coming here to drop her last bomb. I don't get it. Why isn't she here? She left before us. (screams) Annie? (thunder crashes) (screaming, burbling) My God! Annie? This is just so odd. We were... We were just talking about you, Ted and I. Oh. I... can't imagine why. And who is this? This is my daughter Sutton. Sutton, this is Annie Sewell, Phyllis's sister. Actually, it's Rebecca now. I go by my middle name. I... I dropped "Annie," as soon as I left town. Anyway, um, it feels like I'm crashing, but I'm really not. I spoke to Char, and she invited me. Yes, of course. Please come in, have a drink. Everyone will be so happy to see you. That'd be great. Actually, Sutton, I saw you blowing out candles. I guess a "happy birthday" is in order. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, and I caught a little of your speech. It was... it was very stirring. It's a little confusing, but... We can talk about it when we have a chance. Okay. Who was that? Well, I thought it was Sutton, that's why I stopped my speech-- and it turns out that it's Annie-- I mean, Rebecca Sewell, Char's aunt. Am I nuts, or didn't you guys think-- She was our biological mother-- yes. That's not the Annie that Sutton saw in the hospital. And still nothing from Sutton? Not a word. It doesn't make sense. She was pissed. Coming straight here. I know. (heavy sigh) What? Part of me... wishes that she would just show up, so all of this can just be out in the open, and then the other... (sighs) part hopes that... She'll never show up. Emma... no matter what happens, whether she does or she doesn't, I'm not gonna let anything come between us. Ever, okay? (Thayer clears throat) Felt like you were going to spill the whole thing back there. I almost did. Preemptive strike. I like it. So, when are you guys gonna tell me what happened at the cabin? Doesn't matter. Things were said. Sutton went off on us. Why don't we just call her... find out where she is? May I borrow your phone, please? Thank you. You thinking what I'm thinking? I really hope not. Straight to voicemail. Sutton, hi. It's Emma and Ethan and Thayer. Listen, I didn't leave town and I came to the party. Call me, please. I'm worried. (phone beeps off) THE LYING GAME - EPISODE 11 Look what the storm just blew in. What happens now? That's up to her, isn't it? Let's just see how it plays out. Yeah. Starting now. REBECCA: I mean, I can't say that the divorce was exactly amicable, but... (sighs heavily) you know... is there even such a thing? And it could've been harder if we had kids. Well... it seems like the idea of moving back makes perfect sense. I think so. Annie Sewell. Barely recognized you. Hello, Ted. Actually, it's Rebecca now. And it's great news. She's moving back to Phoenix. PHYLLIS: Look who's here. So, this is what all the calls to Char were about? And did Kristin just say you're moving back? Phyllis, how are you? Really-- we don't need all that. CHAR: Oh, Rebecca! You got here! I wasn't sure. Char. Let me see you. You're so beautiful! And all grown up! I'm sorry I stayed away. I just couldn't find the right time and... I would hardly call now the right time, bitch. She's just in shock. Don't do this! Don't just run away! You invited my sister here, and you didn't even tell me? I just wanted everything to be okay. Well, it isn't. Mom... Look, I really need to know what happened at that cabin, okay? I get Sutton being angry and jealous. I saw plenty of it when we were together in L.A. She tried to seduce Ethan by pretending to be me. Okay. She put on the dress that I was supposed to wear, and lured Ethan there... Why is this necessary? I'm just trying to figure out her state of mind. I told you-- pissed, okay? As pissed as a person can get. As pissed as you are right now? Guys, this isn't helping. Look, I know how she thinks, okay? After a fight like that, she'll regroup. She'll plan something-- some kind of revenge. Revenge for what? We didn't do anything. Yeah, you did. You fell in love. TED: Hey. (laughs) It's remarkable how much you've changed. You, too. (both laugh) Is your hair thinning, Ted? I remember that mop in high school. About those years... Mostly forgotten until now. Let's keep it in the past, right? Isn't that what you were going to suggest? No. But I like the sound of it. Thank you for the compliment, but I am still very inexperienced. Last year you solved the murder case of 3 prostitutes in Pyongyang. Is this true? It is true, Your Majesty. There is another murder case. U Yong Sul. He found and killed the nobleman who had murdered his mother and raped his sister. He killed all 7 guards of that nobleman, and then 9 more who pursued him. Why did you learn to use a sword? I wanted to protect the common people and protect the nation. I am the nation. Are you able to protect me? Do Chi San. He came into the palace as a eunuch, but he became too intimate with the ladies and was expelled from the palace. He knows about men and understands women. He understands a lot about people in general. He works in Joseon's largest brothel. From what goes on in the palace to the bedroom, there's nothing that he doesn't know. What are the rumors? Did the Crown Princess drown from a fall or was she murdered? Is it an accident case or a homicide case? Song Man Bo. You will have a special appointment to the palace school as the secretary of education. Do Chi San. I appoint you as the palace eunuch. This is a special appointment. U Yong Sul. I appoint you as my personal bodyguard. This is a special appointment. That night, I had food brought in. The Crown Princess and I had a conversation. Oh, today... There was nothing particularly special about that night. We had a drink together. I complained about the difficulties I was having with the scholars. Ah, I forgot. Sister-in-law came in then. She said she had solved my riddle and had come to see me even though it was late. What brings you here this late? Your Highness, I have solved the puzzle. Is that so? Then what is the answer? She solved the riddle. After that, she left. I drank another cup and then fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and did not see the Crown Princess. Your Majesty. What have you found? Your Majesty, if, as you say, the Crown Princess may have been poisoned, it's likely she would have still been able to walk from her chambers to the pond as usual. It takes some time for poison to be distributed through the body. We can speculate that she walked here, because the poison had time to spread before she fell into the water. Your Majesty, I was able to find someone who sells poisons on the black market. Although I was able to find his nest, he was already dead when I got there. I was told that he mainly sells arsenic. Arsenic. A white powdery poison. Your Majesty, it was the dried persimmons. That night there were dried persimmons on the table. The white powder on dried persimmons and arsenic are difficult to tell apart. Are you saying the persimmons were sprinkled with arsenic powder? Your Majesty! Your Majesty! Your Majesty! What happened? Quickly tell us what has happened! I have heard there are rumors of a poisoning. Don't tell me that was a normal death. -I heard she was poisoned. - I heard that too. Your Majesty, there was someone who saw the Crown Princess outside that night. What? Who is it? Who are they? I was able to find where he lives. Where is it? Let's go. Let's go find that person immediately! Are you sure this is the place? Yes, Your Majesty. He definitely said this was the place. Your Majesty! Hey, Pak Ha. Yes, mother? You came to Korea 2 years ago and you've already opened your own shop. I guess you've done pretty well for yourself. It's just a very small shop. Besides, it was opened with borrowed money. Aigoo... Our Se Na takes out loans to buy high-heeled shoes and handbags. Mother, your arms and legs hurt. Just go have a good rest. Do you always have to work? You scared me. Don't sneak up on me. Hey! Do you ever offer to help me when my arms and legs are hurting? That girl is as cold as a frozen fish. Eonni, if you're busy, then call me. I can drop mom at home on my way. What? Then why didn't you give me a call? Mother, let's hurry and go home. I'm really dead tired. After I drop you off, I just want to go to bed. I know, you poor thing. Pak Ha, finish up the cleaning, then go home and get a good rest. Yes. Hurry and give me a hand. Rest well, mother. Take care, eonni. Support me better. You... You... Who are you guys? Who are you? What are you doing here? -=Busan 2=- We have travelled 300 years in the world. How do we accept that? Where is this exactly? This is the Crown Prince! That way. Filming is over, so hurry up and leave! What is this bright light? You guys are all... crazy? Don't you think the living standard is much better here than Joseon? You can't come here. Please calm your anger, Your Majesty. He wants to bring his girlfriend along. Crown Princess! It's me! Crown Princess! Crown Princess! I will make this rooftop my residence. Subtitles by DramaFever Get him! Move! Get him! You stop right there! You! Stop right there! Why are they following us? -You go that way! Hurry! -No! I can't! Stop! You guys go that way! The rest of you, follow me! Follow me! Chi San! Chi San! Chi San! Wake up! Chi San! Your Highness... How can you just go like this? Chi San! They're gone, right? -Ketchup? -Uh huh. Your Highness... I'm starving! I've been licking this wrapper this whole time. If I can just have a hamburger... Let's hurry on to the Palace. Your Highness. If I go into the Palace looking like this, I'm going to get dragged away for sure! Isn't that Yong Sul and Man Bo? Let's go. Yong Sul! Man Bo! Your Highness! Your Highness! I see that you've both arrived here safely. But... where did you get the money for this? I gave a pack of gum to the kitchen lady, and they just gave it to us. The police are all over the place looking for men with weird haircut and clothes. I think they're talking about you two. Okay... I'm thirsty after having had to run away from them. Pull out another one. There aren't any more. A person...should pack their own things. Your Highness... Why don't you change your clothes first? Okay. What did you say? You're saying the Crowned Prince is alive? -Is that true? -Yes, Father. I've just seen the Crown Prince going into the Palace with my very own eyes. So I ran over here. There's no way that could be! Prince Moo Chang! What is going on? He says the Crown Prince is at the Palace! Didn't you clearly say that you were waiting in ambush in the woods last night? You said you rid of the Crown Prince? It seems as though the assassins made a mistake last night. I will soon...correct that mistake. Have you gone home to see your family? -Yes, Your Highness. -Yes, Your Highness. I grabbed my sister in a bear hug because I was so glad to see her. But my sister threw a fit saying that it was gross. But isn't that to be expected? To your sister, you're a brother that she just saw yesterday. It really is fascinating. Even though we've experienced so many things in Seoul for the past several months. In Joseon, we've only been gone one night. You don't think we dreamed it, right? That doesn't even make sense! The memories of Seoul and Park Ha up in the rooftop is so fresh... How can you say it was a dream? You know that's not true. Dream? As if... 'Hey'... 'That doesn't even make any sense...' 'That's not it! ' 'As if! ' -Please forgive us, Your Highness! -Please forgive us, Your Highness! Let's act appropriately in Joseon! -Thank you, Your Highness! -Thank you, Your Highness! As of this moment, we will solve the Princess' murder. Assemble a special investigation unit to start the search. -Yes, Your Highness. We will do as you wish! -Yes, Your Highness. We will do as you wish! Bring the Princess' immediate family to the Justice Building. My Lord! What is going on? Our family is being brought to the Justice Building? After losing the Crowned Princess... Our family is lost in our grief, but they're accusing us to be murderers... Just what...in the world does that mean? Why don't you say something? It'll soon be over. Either I die... Or the Crown Prince will die. My Lord! Lord Hong Man Pil. Yes, Your Highness. The Prime Minister of this Country... And the father of the Crown Princess... Lord Hong Man Pil. Do you know why you have been summoned here? Your Highness. I'm utterly confused because I don't know the reason behind any of this! My entire family... Have merely been mourning the drowning death and the loss of the Crown Princess. Lady Jung. Crown Princess' sister... Where's Boo Yong right now? Your Highness... My daughter Boo Yong is currently down with the plague. She is forbidden from leaving her room. She's relegated to her room. Please be understanding Your Highness... Oh goodness... Since she's down with the plague... I guess I have no other choice but to go ask her myself. Then at this point... I will reveal the truth about the Crown Princess' murder. 7 days ago as of today... Is the day that the Crown Princess was murdered. Don't make a move. Wait... It's my sister-in-law, Boo Yong! -Please excuse me! -I told you not to move! You may get up. Did you fall down again? Pardon me, Your Highness. What is that in your hand? Seeing that it's white powder... Is that woman's face powder? It is, Your Highness. It's face powder that our brother sent to the Crown Princess. They must be very close. By the way... Did you solve the riddle that I gave you the other day? What dies while still living, and what lives while still dying? I still...haven't solved it. If you don't solve it by tomorrow, then I win. Do you understand? Your Highness... This is the face powder that our brother sent you. And this is a letter that Father sent. A letter from Father? I heard...that this powder is from China. And it smells different than any other face powder. Is it okay if I take a look? Don't touch the face powder! I beg your pardon. I'm all set, so you may leave. Your Highness... And... This... I made a handkerchief for the Crown Prince to use... Didn't I tell you to leave? Yes, Your Highness. Once you've finished reading the letter that the father sent... he asked it to be sealed back up, and have it brought back to him. I will reseal it with glue, so wait a little bit. Is anyone out there? Yes, Your Highness. Bring in some glue. Did you get the face powder and the letter to the Crown Princess? Yes, Father. Fine. You may leave. Yes, Father. Mother. Who's the man that's been with father in his study for the past few days? That's General Moo. He is the Crown Prince's older half-brother. Crown Prince has a half-brother? When he was only 3 years old... His mother was dethroned... He along with the rest of his family got kicked out of the Palace. But why is he staying at our house these days? It's your father's business. You don't need to know. Why don't you go get some rest? Yes. I heard...that this powder is from China. But it smells very different than any other face powders. Don't touch the face powder! That's General Moo. He is the Crown Prince's half-brother. It didn't smell of fragrant face powder. Ah... Father's letter! Crown Princess... Today is the day. Please listen carefully to your father's words. You have to act without any mistakes. Father. I didn't get the letter back. Excuse me? Go get the letter I sent to the Crown Princess back from Boo Yong. Yes, Father. It seems like... Boo Yong has read the letter. Lady Boo Yong ran out the front gate just a little bit ago. Bring me my horse. Go capture Lord Hong's daughter. If you can't do that... -You can strike her down. -Yes, Master. Crown Princess... Once the Palace attendant checks the dried persimmons... make sure that you receive the dried persimmons. Did the Palace attendants examine the dishes on the drink table? Yes, Your Highness. I have already tasted the side dishes and the dried persimmons... and there was nothing wrong with them. Okay. You may leave. Yes, Your Highness. Once the court ladies leave... divert Crown Prince's attention elsewhere. Once that's done... Sprinklethepowderthat'sinthe face powder box on the dried persimmons. Your Highness... I made you a handkerchief. Did you make another handkerchief with the butterfly embroidered on it? Let me see it. I'm embarrassed by my skills. Your embroidery skills are quite famous, so be proud of it. It's so beautiful! It's an amazing skill. You're being too generous, Your Highness. I will pour you a drink. Okay. By the way... Didn't Boo Yong come by earlier today? Yes, Your Highness. But... How did you know that? I ran into Boo Yong while crossing the pavilion. Ah... I see. She tripped and fell again and spilled the face powder that she had brought for you. Seeing how the dried persimmon is covered in white... It really looks delicious. Let's see about tasting one... Your Highness... Lady Boo Yong from Her Highness' home is requesting to enter. Why do you think Boo Yong is here this late at night? Tell her she may enter. So... What brings you here this late at night? Your Highness... I beg your pardon, but I had something urgent to tell you, so I ran over here tonight. Boo Yong... Don't you even know the law? Go back and return in the morning. Hurry up and leave. Did I not tell you to leave quickly? Go on. Even though you're breaking the law as the Crown Princess says... But let's make an exception for tonight. Tell me. Just what is it that you have to say? Your Highness... I have solved the riddle. How random. You're saying you solved the riddle? Yes, Your Highness. I would have won if you hadn't solved it by tomorrow... Then let me hear your answer. What dies while still living, and what lives while still dying? The answer is... Boo Yong. Why are you saying your name as the answer? Stop your nonsense garble and go back home at once! Princess... Let's hear her explanation. Why is your answer Boo Yong? Isn't Boo Yong... Another name for the lotus flower? That's correct. Lotus flower is also called Boo Yong. So what? Everything that's alive... Get's buried in the ground once it's dead. Okay. A lotus flower... must die by being planted in the ground... for it to live on as a flower. Still living even though it dies, this precise point is what it's teaching... And even if it's alive, it has to die for the seeds to drop to the ground. Therefore, still dying while it lives is to teach this belief. What still dies even while living... And what still lives even though it dies... Is Boo Yong. Is that all? In Buddhism... The symbol of reincarnation and of what lives while it's dying is also the lotus flower. That's the correct answer. I lost. I've lost again. It's an honor, Your Highness. Since you've finished your business here, you may leave now. Your Highness. Since I've solved the riddle... As you've promised, please give me my prize. Right now in the middle of the night? Your Highness... As a prize... Please give me this plate of dried persimmons. You want these dried persimmons as your prize? Yes, Your Highness. As the prize that you promised... Please allow me... To eat these dried persimmons. I've promised you a grand prize... But will these mere dried persimmons be any grand prize? Yes, Your Highness. To me right now... More than anything else in the world... It's what I need and is important to me. Please give me the prize. You really are random. Fine. You may eat these dried persimmons until your stomach is full. Thank you, Your Highness. Since it's gotten late, be careful going home. Your Highness... Please... May you be at peace. Are you okay? I'm fine. If you're not feeling well, should I have someone accompany you? No, that's okay. If by any chance... The Crown Princess looks for me later on... Tell her that I'll be waiting for her at the pavilion. Are you talking about this evening? I'm saying if she by any chance looks for me. Yes, I'll do that. Blow out the lights. Wait out here. Yes, Your Highness. If it's revealed that you've been poisoned after eating the dried persimmons... Did you think that either I or our family would be safe? Your Highness... How could you have done such a thing? You've ruined it. Sister... Sister... Please grant me my last request. The Crown Prince... Please protect him. I'm sure they're going to find my body inside the Palace. They'll find out quickly that I've died from being poisoned. Plans of attempted poisoning will then be revealed... And our family will suffer dire consequences. I'm sure you will also... End up losing your life. It's because of you that things turned out this way... So what are you telling me to do? If I changed into your clothes... And drown in the pavilion pond... They're going to think that the Princess has drowned. No one...will notice that there was an attempt to poison the Crown Prince! Then... You... And our family can survive. If you...step down from the Princess' seat like that... Father will no longer... Be able to make an attempt at the Crown Prince's life. Then... I'll be able to protect the Crown Prince as well. Sister... There's no time. Hurry! My Prince... Lord Hong. Why aren't you responding? Your Highness... Saying that the one that drowned in the pond is Boo Yong, and not the Princess... is a totally and utterly false! Lady Jung... Did you see Boo Yong at home tonight? Your Highness! She is down with the plague. She's laying down in her room with her doors locked! Are you positive that it's Boo Yong? As of right now, we will be searching through the home of Hong Man Pil. So break open the front gate! -Yes, Your Highness. -Yes, Your Highness. Search everywhere in the house, and find Boo Yong! Yes! I've found her. She's here! Are you Boo Yong? -Your Highness! -Your Highness! -Your Highness! -Your Highness! Your Highness! Your Highness! Lift your head up and pull down the veil. Your Highness! Please spare my life! I've known nothing of this! Please spare my life, Your Highness! How was something like you the Crown Princess? Please spare my life, Your Highness! Instead of begging me for your life, you'll have to beg for your life to Boo Yong! Your Highness! I will punish all that were involved in this wrongdoing! Take her to jail! -Your Highness! How did this happen? -Your Highness! How did this happen? Park Ha has saved me again. -Park Ha... -Park Ha... Always... Keep it near your heart. Dummy... Hong Man Pil dethroned my mother while I was young. He ordered her to death by drinking a poisonous drink. Once I became the King... he was afraid of my vengeance and tried to poison me. To father Hong Man Pil, and his son Hong Nak Hyun... I sentence them to be beheaded! General Moo is my half-brother. But you've always held a grudge against me since you've been kicked out of the Palace. You conspired with Hong Man Pil to poison me so that you could take over the throne for yourself! General Moo. You are also sentenced to be beheaded! Even though Hwa Yong and your mother also deserve to be beheaded... But I will honor the wishes of the late Boo Yong, and spare you your lives. The Crown Princess will be dethroned. You will be exiled along with your mother. Make sure they can never take a step off of their deserted Island! Behead the criminals! -Yes, Your Highness. -Yes, Your Highness. What dies while still living... And lives while still dying? If Your Highness is reading this letter... It means that you're still alive... So, I, Boo Yong am happy. There's one good thing about dying. The words that I've always kept in my heart... It makes me happy to be able to say them now. I have always... Longed for you. I've always... Loved you. Through death while still living... And living while still dying... Even after several hundred years pass by... I will... Still love you. Park Ha... I have safely arrived. How are you doing? If by any chance, you get to read this letter... I guess it'll be a letter that's 300 years old. And if you get your hands on this letter... I take back calling you a dummy. I take it back. Dummy. Is the fruit juice business going well? Since I can only imagine what you're doing right now... I can't touch you since I can't reach you. I miss you to death like crazy. I want to hear your voice... And I want to touch you. Thank you. If it means that I can see you by dying... I'd like to die right now. I'd like an apple juice please. An apple juice, please. Yes. I should have told you that I loved you more. Park Ha... I love you. I miss your smiling face like crazy. Please take care of yourself. Please be well. Thank you. Thank you. Two omurice... Two yangs. Two omurice ready! How is the ketchup coming along? It was a little salty the last time. There you go starting again. What do you mean, starting again? -If someone says something, you should listen. -Whatever. How many times have I told you that ketchup is the most important part? It's time to go out on delivery. It's time to go out on delivery! Man Bo, let's go. What took you so long? If you're able, please come and eat it. It's hard on us. And please pay your bill. What money would I have? Let's eat. Let's eat. Your Highness... It's because the omurice was so delicious. Your Highness. You should eat Park Ha candy as dessert. It's sweet... It tastes so amazing. Why are you so late? I've been waiting for a long time. Where have you been? I've always... Been here. Even if 300 years pass by... I will...still love you. [Even if 300 years passes by, I will still love you] Subtitles by DramaFever Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad Who are you people? W- w-who are you people? What are you? ! Don't come near me. Don't come near me! Don't come near me! Don't come near me! Who are you? What are you people? ! Don't come any nearer. What the hell? What in the world... are those lights? Episode 2 Where... Where is this place? What do you mean? You really don't know? It's someone else's home! You wench! You're impertinent! He is the Crown Prince! Bow before him and beg for forgiveness! What is this? Are you guys... crazy? Is this the real world or the afterlife? Are you a ghost or a person? Aigoo, you are completely out of your mind. Stop joking around. If I scream, all the neighborhood ahjussis will come up here. You're all dead. Your Highness. I will kill her. Stop! That wicked thing has cursed us. You wicked creature! Release us from the curse that is afflicting us! Everyone... Everyone, where have you esc... Oh, what I mean is, where are you from? I'll take you back there, okay? Your Highness. This place is full of danger. - Returning to the palace is of utmost importance. - Palace...? Until now, we were being chased in the woods. While we were unconscious, I think we were moved here, Your Highness. You wicked thing. Listen! Lead the way to the palace. If you do that, we will spare your life. I will return to the palace! His Highness the Crown Prince, is returning to the palace. Palace Guard! Palace Guard! Palace Guard! I just have to go to Gyeongbok Palace, right? Did you just say Gyeongbok Palace? Did he not hear me? Gyeong... bok... Palace. You wench! Are you trying to tease the Crown Prince? Gyeongbok Palace was destroyed by a fire during the war, and it has not been rebuilt! Why are you taking me to Gyeongbok Palace? Wow. You even know your history. Normally, I would have ripped out your smart mouth. But I will not do that right now. Take me to Changdeok Palace! Yes, Sir! Your Highness. Jeez. Youth these days are terrible. Terrible. Young men! That's enough now. I understand your concerns, so let's just give it a rest and go home now, okay? Even if it's hard, there is plenty of work if you look hard enough. Let's live life to the fullest, young men! With our best effort! Fighting! Okay? Are you positive this is the entrance to the palace? That is correct, Your Highness. This is the main gate for Changdeok Palace. Let's go in then. Open the door! It's the Crown Prince! Open the door! I said, open the door! Open the door! Hey, you over there! You can't stand there! If you're done filming, go on home. What are you doing now? Standing in front of there... Get out of there right now. Hurry! Hurry! Stop acting out! Hurry up and leave. Your Highness. Your Highness. Your Highness, it's this way. - This way. - I told you to leave! Hey, Crown Prince! Eunuch! Get out of here already! Your Highness. Your Highness. This is correct. Jeez, they're really having a good time. Aren't you leaving? ! Get out! What the hell! You! What are you doing? Get out of the way! Hey! I told you to go home if you're done filming. Why are you jaywalking now? Are you out of your minds? ! Go home! Ah, seriously! Okay! You there. Give me something to eat. When I get to the palace tomorrow morning, I will pay you generously for the food then. Wow. It's not pittance! I will pay you generously. So give me a bowl of the noodles those girls were eating. Wow! Why do you keep saying "hul"? ! Give me a bowl of noodles immediately! Holy shit! [112 - Police] What are you doing? Get out of here! What is this? Is this "hidden camera"? Huh? Who the hell are these people? Get out of the car. Get out already! I see you were not able to find food either. Long time no see! Hello! - Uncle! - Oh, welcome. How's the octopus? It's good. - $10? - $10. Give me five octopuses! Aunt! Have you been well? Is it fresh? One bundle of sesame leaves, two boxes of lettuce. Hey, they're really fresh, so it's fine! Thank you! Here. The lettuce is really good. You really have an eye for this. Of course I do. Here, onions. Grandmother! Oh, Bak Ha, you're here. Hello. Ai, these people, really! Why! I released them with a warning this morning. Why are they being detained? As soon as the doors opened this morning at Changdeok Palace, they entered without buying tickets. After receiving a report that they trespassed onto a restricted area in the palace, I went and arrested them and detained them. What's wrong with these people? They're dressed like the real thing too. Sheesh. Tell me your name and birth year. Starting with you. I am Do Chi San. The year of the horse, December 9th. I'm Song Man Bo. The year of the monkey, March 21st. Woo Yong Sul. The year of the dragon, May 5th. I'm the Crown Prince. That's all you need to know. [Slim body types 176-178 cm. Formal attire, hat of office, eunuch attire. ] [Long eyelashes, lofty attitudes. Four juvenile delinquents. ] You guys. If you don't give me the correct contact information for your guardians, you can't take a step out of here. I'm not joking right now, okay? Hey! Is it good? Give me a bite too! You're so greedy. Look here! That "guardian contact information". What is it? You're driving me insane. Fine. Fine. Let's play ancient time talk game. What is a contact number? Contact information is... Let's see here. An address. Or this... a phone number. Oh, I guess this will work too. We can search the database. A license plate number. These are a guardian's contact information. Oh yeah! That! Show me that one more time. Take it. She's not here? Unni. I'll leave some groceries for you. You didn't take the key with you? Oh my! Oh, no. I was just leaving some groceries for my unni. Hey, you. Unni! I'm sorry for causing trouble. I'm sorry. Unni, I'm sorry. I'll call you later. I'm sorry! What the hell, how did she get in? Did you open the door for her? Who is she? She called you unni. She's just someone I know. I helped her with something so she's making it up to me. She delivers for the market, so she brings stuff like that once in a while. You'll be late for work. You have to hurry. [A bundle of fresh fruit. Fresh Market] I'm sorry for causing trouble. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! Are you Korean by any chance? Ah, yes. Excuse me! I have a guardian's contact information. These people! What is this? Why are you doing this to me? Excuse me. Are you Bak Ha? Yes. Do you know these people, by any chance? Yes. No! I don't know them. I don't know. You just said you did. Is it true that these people came out of your house? Yes. But... T- that's true... No, they didn't come out of my house. Listen to what I have to say. What I mean by them coming out of my house is, what I mean is, They didn't come out... Ahjussi! I understand. Have a good day. Police officer! Police officer! No! No! Listen to what I have to say! Don't go, Sir! Officer! I'm going crazy. Attendant Do! Wake up! Attendant Do! Come to your senses! Oh! Attendant Do, why are you doing this? Have you fainted from starving for two days? You're like this because you haven't eaten a thing for two days. Why aren't you eating? You said you were faint from starving for two days. Your Highness. How could we dare to eat at the same table as you. Look here, maiden. Bring out another table for us to eat from. I don't have another table. No, it's okay. Since the situation is urgent today, let's just eat. You're showing me so many things. Listen to me carefully! Eat your food, and go home. You can never, come here again. I'm serious. I'll get mad then. But I'm really curious about one thing: Where did you buy your outfits... What is this dish called? Omurice. Oh-mu-ra-i-su. Since coming here, I'm happy for the first time. We're grateful, Your Highness! Are you home, Bak Ha? Yes, Ma'am. Can you come down for a bit? I have something to talk to you about. Yes, I'll be right there. Oy. Oh, come here. New tenants who will be living on the first floor are here. So I wanted you to meet them. Natasha went back to her country. It was difficult living with Natasha. Hello. I'm Bak Ha living in the rooftop room. Let's get along. I'm Mimi. Lady Mimi. Wow, your name is pretty. Is that your real name? Your face shows that you're really lucky when it comes to men. There are men by you everywhere. You have to take out the cork so His Highness can have some water. Oh man. Palace Guard. Hold on to the bottle tight. I will pull out the cork. Hold on. Your Highness. It's dangerous! Oh, you're a webtoon writer. It's the free cartoons you can see on the internet, right? I'm really sensitive when I'm working, so I'll ask for your cooperation in advance. This house is naturally quiet, so it will be good for you to do work. Cooking has finished. Cooking has finished. Where are you hiding? Come out right now! Drag out the wicked immediately! Will go into insulation mode soon. - Will go into insulation mode soon. - Palace Guard! Before you even hammer a nail in the wall, you have to ask me first. Be particularly careful of fires! If you start a fire by accident, I will file a civil criminal complaint! Come on. There's no child who is playing with fire, so do you think a fire is going to start that easily? Hurry! Honey, I love you. - I love you! - Where are you hiding? ! Honey, I love you. - Oh! - Honey, I love you. - Palace Guard! - I love you. I love you. Wait! Oh! How dare you! Who do you think you're pointing your finger at? Do you think your finger will stay safely on your hand? What a joke. You say you're such high and mighty people, but you're going to eat a free meal and just wipe your mouth clean. Huh? ! After making a complete mess and destroying my house, you're trying to steal away? Huh? ! Is that what a high-born person should do? Huh? Tell me! Let us leave unabashed. Yes, Your Highness. I agree with your sentiment. They say that the Crown Prince is the nation. I, the figurehead of the nation, cannot sit back and listen when you say I am running away after causing trouble. Okay. What do you want me to do for you? Clean the house, mop the floors clean, and just as I taught you, turn on the water and take a shower. Be good while you wait for me. I'm taking your clothes, so you can walk around naked or whatever. If you touch anything else or cause more trouble, I'm really calling the police. You went to the station last night, right? You remember, right? Shall I call the police? No! Yes, it's the police, right? I'm calling to check if there have been any reports. You know... crazy people. Is there a case where four escaped together? There isn't. In the whole country. Okay, I understand. Have a good day. Bak Ha. Where did you get these Sageuk costumes? Why did you take the clothes out? I'm not going to wash them. Just for a short while, keep them in the storage for me. Just store? Then why not just keep them at home? Why my cleaners? Well, it's like the clothes in the story of the woodsman and the fairy. You know the story where you can't run away without the clothes, right? Are you the fairy? I'm the woodsman. One that will order them around like slaves... Ahjussi, I'll bring some cabbage for you tomorrow, okay? Have a good day! Thanks. Bye, Bak Ha! You're not going to zip up? So you don't know what zippers are, eh? Watch me closely and mimic me. Hold here, and stick this in here tightly. Hold this steady, and pull this up like this. Put your hand down here and slowly, pull it slowly like this. Whoa. This is really... No, I told you to stick this in here. Like this. Where are you sitting now? Why are you acting like this? Television - $300. Rice cooker - $100. Curtain - $100. Uh, heating lamp $60. Teddy bear - $30. Table - $30. All the other broken things combined - $80. Altogether $720. This is the money you owe me. Then, how much work do we have to do, to pay that back? I guess with you, Green Man, we are on the same page. Ahjussis, your wages after taxes is $30 each. Since one person is playing without doing anything, three of you are $90. If you work eight days without resting, you can pay it off. Where did you hide my robe? Why am I wearing such ridiculous clothes? Yellow Ahjussi. Don't drop the cabbage! Man, why is a man like that? Do you not hear what I am saying? ! Bring me my robe immediately! Until you pay me in full, I can't give it back to you. Jeez! Yellow Ahjussi! She needs to be punished by beating. What's the special occasion? You wanted to eat lunch by your office and all. What if someone sees us? You like the sushi here. Eat up. But, the girl from this morning. She hasn't said anything to you? She hasn't. Why? I didn't introduce myself properly and she left in a hurry, so I'm concerned. We're not that close. It's okay. But, why are you so concerned? Oh. It's because she looks familiar. Like we lived in the same neighborhood, or she studied in America. America? No way. She grew up in the countryside and graduated there. Oh, really? It hasn't been long since she came to Seoul. You know there are a lot of people who look alike. Is that true? Let's eat. Doctor. Yes? My head hurts so much it feels like it's going to crack open. If I'm going to die, I should just die. Why is it putting me through such torture? Pain is a signal to cure the illness, Madam President. While you sleep after getting the shot, the pain will subside. After that, I'll start the tests. Secretary Hong, you don't need to let my sister know. If she comes here, it'll just be noisy. Yes, I understand, Madam President. You can just eat it like this. Just like this. Like this. Just eat, okay? I don't know if they're acting or if they're for real. They're really good. Oh, Unni. It's me. Let's meet tonight. I have something to say. What time? I have an appointment to drop off the deposit for the store. Really? Where are you right now? Oh really? You're not too far. I'm at the hospital right now for work. Come here. Okay. I can be there in about 30 minutes. Call me once you get here. I'll be right back, so don't budge. I'm tired. I want to return home and rest. What did you do that you want to rest? He's impossible. Don't you dare go anywhere. If I don't see you when I get back, I'm just going to get in the car and leave. I want to punish her. What I wanted to talk to you about is, you coming to my place this morning. Why are you calling me to explain that to me? You're not a child, but an adult. I lived in America too. Unni, I'm a cool woman. I didn't call you because I felt guilty about having a man sleep over. I had some groceries left over from my deliveries, so I brought them over. I'm sorry. I won't bother your private life anymore. It's been two years since we reunited, but don't you think we're too close? Unni... I felt bad for you so I didn't say anything and just let it go. But when people ask me who you are, honestly, it's difficult for me to answer. I'm sure it's the same for you. You and I are siblings who are not blood-related. We're siblings only by law. So, don't call my mom "Mother, Mother," trying to get close to her. If something happens to you, because she's your mother, it'll be a burden on her. What will we do then? When we take care of you, it's wasteful. When we don't, it bothers us. Oh, what you said earlier is right. Let's be cool and keep our distance, asking about each other's well-being once in a while. I don't know if this is putting you in a bad mood, but when I beat around the bush, you don't get it. Do you understand now? Unni. Did I do something wrong? If you did wrong, you can just improve in the future, but that's not what I'm saying. The problem is we forced our lives together when they weren't meant to be. You're being really harsh. What I said isn't wrong, and it's not bad for you either. Think about it carefully and let's not do anything that will disappoint the other. C- crown Princess! Crown Princess. Crown Princess! It's me, Crown Princess! Crown Princess! Your Highness! What now? Your Highness! Crown Princess. - Crown Princess! Crown Princess! - Your Highness. - Crown Princess. - Your Highness. Your Highness. - Where are you? - Your Highness. Jeez! My frustrated heart, what can I do? What am I supposed to do about this? We apologize, Your Highness. It was definitely the Crown Princess. I'm telling you that it was without a doubt the Crown Princess. Do you think I don't remember what the Princess looks like? Even though she was dressed like a person of this world, it was without a doubt the Crown Princess. Are you telling me that I made a mistake? We apologize, Your Highness. I don't know who this Crown Princess is, but you can look for her some other time. You have some work to do first. Where's your nose? This one? You wench! I can no longer endure this! I will... Ouch! Red Ahjussi. Since you won't tell me your social security number, it's 100 percent your responsibility. I will make sure, I am reimbursed for the hospital fees. Follow me now. You three. Don't budge and stay here. Wait here. And when someone comes out those doors and says "Mr. Crown Prince", go in there and get an x-ray of your nose. No, I'm sure you'll say you don't know what an x-ray is. Just go in there and do as you're told. Once you're done, sit here just like now. Do you understand? It was without a doubt the Crown Princess. Wait! That's Tae Yong... That's definitely Tae Yong. Turn around that way. There. There. Tae Yong. Tae Yong. Tae Yong. Tae Yong. Grandmother, you can't come in here. Excuse me. My... Yong Tae Yong did not come in here? - Did he...? - It's not him. Calm down, Madam President. Tae Yong. Unni. Since everyone's here now, tell them what you told me earlier. The one you saw in the hospital... Was it Tae Yong or not? It was. Tae Yong stared straight at me. But how could he not recognize me? How could Tae Yong show up at that hospital? It's because my eyes have become bad, that I'm seeing things. I'll admit it. I'm being stubborn and making it difficult for everyone. I admit it. Mother. My son Tae Moo, said he'll move in and take care of you from now on. Grandmother, I'll move in and live here. In place of Tae Yong, I'll take care of you. I'll try 10 times, 100 times more, and do Tae Yong's share too. Yes, Tae Moo. You've thought well! Unni. Don't say anything this time, and do as I say. Secretary Hong. Yes. Hire someone tomorrow, to take care of Tae Yong's belongings. Get the room ready, for Tae Moo to live in. You have to answer, Secretary Hong. A world we leaped 300 years forward into... How are we supposed to deal with this? Your Highness. I think we need to return to Joseon as soon as possible. Even if we wanted to, we have no way. Anyhow, we came here through this rooftop room, so when we return, we'll return through here. That's what I think as well. We must not leave this rooftop room. "This rooftop room is the passageway to Joseon. " Is that what you mean? That is correct, Your Highness. We came here while chasing the one who poisoned the Crown Princess. The fact that I saw the Crown Princess this morning, and the fact that we came to this place after leaving Joseon, are definitely related. I'm going to use this rooftop room as my post, so know that. Yes, Your Highness. We will accept your order. Why are you being so loud? Come in and sleep already. You have to work tomorrow and make money! Hurry up and get in! You and I are siblings who are not blood-related. Let's be cool and keep our distance, asking about each other's well-being once in a while. The problem is we forced our lives together when they weren't meant to be. What is it? Yellow Ahjussi and Blue Ahjussi are taking turns snoring, so how can I sleep? But, why aren't you sleeping? I'm melancholic and frustrated. What? Huh? I see you didn't study poetry. My heart is heavy with worries. That's what it means. Man, I quit. What is this? Alcohol. Whip cream. Your heart is completely blocked so it's stifling, right? When you're frustrated, this is the best. I actually wanted a drink right now. Here. Here. Drink this. It's strong. Open your mouth. Ah. Say ah. Ah. No, bigger! Ah! Ah! Here. Oh! It's sweet! The way you eat is so lowly. Here. One more time. - Ah. - Ah. Give it to me. Ah. We drank it all. Your face is on fire. I get as hot as a furnace after having even one drink. Stay still. Right now... What are you doing? It's nice. Um... My hands were cold. But since I'm doing this, it's nice and warm. You're younger than me, but you do whatever you want to me! How old are you? Let's tell each other our age. I'm... 300 years older than you. Let's be honest with one another, person to person. I won't tell anyone, I promise. Okay? Ahjussi, did you really, come from Joseon? Awesome. After you wake up and before you sleep, you have to brush your teeth. Now, brush brush. Don't drink it! Try breathing in. After you finish your business, you press this to flush. Wow! It's fire. Good! Color red. Color green. Follow me. Driver! If you want to buy something, you have to pay money. When you pay, you have to look at the bills. Because there are several different ones. Here. This is $10. Take a good look. Your Majesty! Hello? Oh, Bak Ha? It's me. Just wait a minute. Don't go anywhere and stay here. Yes, Mother. Hey, can I borrow your truck for a bit? Yes, you can. Why? Se Na asked me to move some things, so I told her I would. But I got tied up. You'll have to do it for me. Se Na unni did? Isn't there anyone else? Hey. I called you because there isn't anyone else. Please do it, okay? Yes. Your Highness. It's moving. Please stop it! Hurry! Pyeongchang-do Who is it? I came to move. Thank you! To move the things, we're going to need boxes and tape. I'll go get some right away, so wait. Okay. Don't go anywhere and stay put! I said okay. Oh, the three of you come with me. This way. It's this room. They said to clear out everything in here. Before Tae Yong's things leave, I'm going to look at them one more time. Tae Yong. T- tae Yong. Tae Yong, Tae Yong. Tae Yong, Tae Yong. Oh, my baby! Oh, my baby. What is this? Where is Red Ahjussi? Man, I told that man not to move. Okay, let's get started without him. Hurry down and move the boxes. What are you doing? Hurry up! Hurry. Hurry. Get out! Get out! Jeez. Move them quickly! Unni. Hello. Why are you here? Tae Moo! Our Tae Yong is here. Tae Yong is here. Tae Yong is here. [Special thanks to Ahn Sang Tae for guest starring.] Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad Main Translator: ahsieee Timer: heartleaf88 Editor/QC: hippolyte Coordinators: ay_link, mily2 Palace Guard! What the hell is this? What did you do? Did you do that? You scoundrel! - There you go shouting again! - Here! Rip it. Rip it. Rip it! Don't you think this place is better to live in than Joseon? Are you telling me to pick strawberries? If you don't pick strawberries, I'm kicking you off the rooftop! How can you tell me to come to the funeral? And how could you stand in front of Grandmother's body? Aren't you even scared? Tae... Tae Yong! You bastard! You killed Grandmother, right? Tell me! Crazy bastard... What the hell are you saying right now? You're a liar and a murderer. You're both! Did Grandmother find out about it? You watch your mouth! I'm going to expose all your sins so that you'll get the punishment you deserve. I'll make sure of it. I'm sorry, Yong Tae Yong. I wasn't able to protect Grandmother in your place. I've committed such an unforgiveable sin towards you. I'll catch Grandmother's killer and lock them up myself. Yong Tae Yong... Be strong. Tae Yong! Tae Yong... Tae Yong! I don't care... Who you are... It doesn't matter even if you're not him. Can you just... Be my grandson... Tae Yong for me? It's me. It's me, Tae Yong. Oh my! Tae Yong! As it was in Joseon... You and Hong Se Na were real sisters. Hearing it directly from you, it's even more shocking. Another mystery has been resolved. Living all this time without knowing... It must feel disappointing. If you both had known that you were real siblings from the beginning... You wouldn't have had to struggle all by yourself. But since you found your mother... Isn't this a happy occassion? I know... If we had both known... And met each other from the beginning... What's wrong? It's nothing. What's with your expression? I told you it's nothing... Why are you being like this? Something strange is going on with me. I couldn't see my body! I wasn't able to hold you! You saw it? You disappearing... You saw it? You're saying you've already seen me disappearing? Why didn't you tell me sooner? How could I tell you that myself? What was I supposed to say? My body disappearing for a moment and reappearing again... It must be a sign that I'll soon be returning to Joseon. I see... If you came... You must return... The reason why I came here from Joseon... I think it was to meet you. The only thing I've done since I've arrived here is fall for you. You also came to solve the Crown Princess' murder. However the time that has been given to me, I want to use it for you. There's not much time... You have to take care of Grandmother's situation too. I'm going to make sure to take care of it. Okay. What happened? Even the police thinks that it wasn't just a simple accident. They're continuing to investigate. The police are currently investigating the people surrounding the Chairman. The reason Grandmother died... Without a doubt, Yong Tae Moo is involved. It's a matter of finding the evidence. That's right. We have to find the evidence so that Tae Moo can be punished. We have to get him before the police does. With my own hands... I'm going to take care of Yong Tae Moo. All doc uments regarding the late Chairman Jang's will have arrived. All of her shares will be inherited by Yong Tae Yong. However... If Yong Tae Yong doesn't appear at the time of the will being read... Or if he is in a coma, All the shares will go to Yong Tae Moo. This will was drafted when Yong Tae Yong went missing. But since Yong Tae Yong has returned... All the shares will go to Yong Tae Yong as stated in the will. She didn't think about me at all. She left the company to Tae Yong, not her wealth. Do you covet money that much? The execution of the will is going to be held at noon tomorrow. If there are any objections to the will, I ask that you submit it to our law firm. There are absolutely no objections. The old lady made it her intention to pass everything over to Tae Yong. Father. Are we just going to let Tae Yong take all the shares? What can we do about it when the will is written like that? Look at Tae Yong right now. He's perfectly fine. We have to have something to hold against him. You're a liar and a murderer. You're both! I've already known about it. But those two people are the same person. A murderer... And a liar... Tae... Tae Yong... Have you...woken up? I'm a policeman. Are you Hong Se Na? Yes. I'm Hong Se Na. I have a few questions regarding the death of Chairman Yeo. Will that be okay with you? What kind of questions? Rice... Rice... Barley... Barley... Rice... I'm sorry... I haven't been considerate even though we're together. The King who looks out for a woman's feelings isn't attractive. Just go on thinking about what you've been thinking... You are amazing... You can't find any clues regarding Grandmother's case? I do have my suspicions... But I have no evidence. Due to the filming of the blacktop, we are witnessing one of the worst accidents recorded in 10 years on the roads. Please take a close look. The car that escaped the police... That thing called black box... Is it in all the cars? It's in most of the cars these days... The day that grandmother passed away, there was a car accident in front of my house! If there's a black box in the car what was sin the accident it could be possible that it caught whomever was coming and going from the house. By any chance, did you get a car about four days ago that was in an accident? No, we haven't had any. I'm not sure. I don't really know. By any chance, did you get a car about four days ago that was in an accident? Ah, yes. The car that was in the fender-bender? Yes. There was a fender-bender in front of that house. By any chance, is there a black box camera in that car? Yes, that's right. But that's not our car, but my cousin's car that came to visit us. Where does your cousin live? It's a bit far. They live in Gwangju. By any chance, can you tell us their address? Since we got the address for the cousin that was in the accident... Let's quickly get home and get ready to go down to Gwangju immediately! I have a feeling it's going to go well. Yong Tae Yong? -Yes. -Are you really the real Yong Tae Yong? Yes, I'm Yong Tae Yong. For being an imposter of Yong Tae Yong... You are being arrested for your involvement in the murder of Chairman Yeo. You have the right to remain silent, and the right to an attorney. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. -Take him. -Wait... Wait! You're mistaken. I haven't done anything! He is Yong Tae Yong! Don't worry. I'll be back. Where's the real Yong Tae Yong? I'm the real Yong Tae Yong. Are you going to keep being like this? Let's be a little honest. If you ask Yong Tae Yong where Yong Tae Yong is... How else am I supposed to answer? We found this. In your car. You impersonated Yong Tae Yong to get in that house and killed Chairman Yeo. You were getting ready to run away with the company money. Why are you still lying with all this evidence against you? I don't know anything about it! This is my first time seeing this! That day, I was at the bar with Yong Tae Moo having a few drinks. Tae Moo. You tell him. Yong Tae Moo... Where were you on the day that Chairman Yeo was killed? I was with Hong Se Na at my apartment. What are you saying right now? Even though I said I wanted to go home, you held me back for another drink. If you need to verify my statement, I can have Hong Se Na testify for me. Thank you for your cooperation in this investigation. You can leave now. You were with Hong Se Na? You think you can get away with such a blatant lie? I don't think that's something a scam artist like you should say. It'll all be over tomorrow anyway. Until then... You can quietly rot in here. After that... I'll make sure to crush you even more. Things are never going to go how you want. Come on... Get in there! It's not me! The one who killed grandmother is that bastard Yong Tae Moo! He's planning on locking me up here and taking over the company! If I don't get out of here right now, it's all over. I can't stay here like this. Let me out immediately! Please let me out... What are you doing right now? If you don't stay quiet... Obstruction of Justice will also be added to your list of offenses. Be quiet. Here. Go ahead and eat. Since it's all over now, eat and gather your strength. I've taken care of that scam artist too... As soon as we get tomorrow over with, all the company shares will be ours. Is that for true? Forget about everything that you've been worrying about. It's going to be all over tomorrow anyway. Until then, you can quietly rot in here. After that... I'll make sure to crush you even more. Let me out for just one hour! I promise to come back! Be quiet! B? Y? There's nothing I can do. Don't worry too much... It's not going to go the way those jerks want. Oh yeah. Look at this. What does this mean? It looks like ancient Korean initials. Boo Yong! Boo Yong? The Crown Princess said she stayed up all night embroidering this. Was in truth made by Boo Yong. Why didn't you know that all this time? When I saw this in Joseon, I didn't know what it meant! But to know this was Boo Yong's... Come on... Let go of my arm... Yeah. He just finished visiting and went back in. Yeah... I'll... I'll go too. Run quickly. Be careful. Why don't we slowly start, Mr. Attorney? We've still got three minutes left. In accordance to the guidelines of the law... We'll start exactly at noon. Then... As the executor of Chairman Yeo's estate, I will execute her will. The two attorneys that you each have on your side will act as the notary for the will. Just yesterday... This is the will that was officially filed in court for probate. Then I'll confirm the attendance of the list of inheritors that are on this will. The primary beneficiary that is to inherit the entire estate of Chairman Yeo... Yong Tae Yong. Is Yong Tae Yong in attendance? Then under the condition that the primary beneficiary is not in attendance... it will go over to the secondary beneficiary. Secondary beneficiary... Yong Tae Moo. Please look over the will. Just a moment! I'm sorry for being late. Yong Tae Yong is in attendance. That man isn't Tae Yong! He's a fake! If I'm fake, how could I have made it here? I'm here. Yong Tae Yong. Why are you being like this? I thought all of the Chairman's shares were going to go to that bastard Tae Moo. But how did you get out of the police station? No matter. I just got a call from our legal team saying everything's been taken care of. Yes. It's a relief that we were able to protect Grandmother's wealth. From now on, as the CEO... Kick out Tae Moo and his father from the company... Let's make the company happy. Please leave Tae Moo to me. I have a plan. Okay. And as for the company operations... I would like for President Pyo to take care of it. President Pyo? Who is President Pyo... Me? Yes, President Pyo. Grandmother would feel reassured too. Are you going to avenge the Chairman's death? Yes. I'm going to make sure to avenge Grandmother's death. This is the black box that recorded the scene of the accident. Oh. This is that black box. Great job. Let's take a look at it. -Turn it on. -Yes, Your Highness. Dong Man. -Yong Sul... -Yes, Your Highness. What is this? Tell Hong Se Na... To come here. You think after doing this... You'll still be okay? Call Hong Se Na. Turn on the screen for them. This image... was taken at the time grandmother passed away. What's so strange about me coming out of grandmother's house? I go in and out of that house almost every day. What's the big deal? At the time that grandmother passed away... You were seen coming out of the house. There's always an hour or two leeway for the time of death. Stop saying ignorant things and get out of the way. What I want from you is to be punished for your crime. Don't commit anymore crimes... Let everything go... And leave the company on your own. And the company money that you extorted... Put it all back it its' place. If you don't do that... You'll know pain worse than having limbs torn from your body. There's no need to answer that. Let's go. This is the last chance I'm giving you! Neither you nor I have much time left. Keep that in mind. What do we do? My face got caught. He's going to take that image to the police. What's going to happen to me? What's going to happen to me now, Tae Moo? I'm going to... Kill that bastard. I'm going to end it now. Your Highness... Are you asleep? It's late. Go to bed and sleep. Oh... Okay. Good night. Hey, Dummy. Are you really sleeping? That's right, I'm sleeping. How can someone who's sleeping be talking? What makes you so nervous that you keep guarding my room? Back at the police station earlier... I'm afraid that you'll suddenly disappear. Is this making you feel more at ease? If you hadn't vanished at the police station earlier. You wouldn't have been able to protect the company, right? You have to return to Joseon to solve the Crown Princess' case, right? You'll have to go back, right? That's the right thing, isn't it? Instead of being tormented by the thought of parting... I've decided to only think about the moments I'm with you. I like this moment. Let's spend as much time together. Think about what you want to do with me tomorrow night. Hurry up and get some sleep. Take in the surroundings very carefully. You're going to have to memorize it. Okay. No matter what methods you have to use... You have to bring Yong Tae Yong here. I came because I have something to talk to you about... Let's go inside and talk. Will that be okay? You don't want to see me, right? I'm sure you don't. No matter how I think about it... I don't think I'd want to see me either. I guess I should apologize first. I'm sorry. I needed some time before I came to talk to you. The reason I did that... I wish I could die the way things are going lately. When I think about what I've done, I can't even hold my head up. I can't even go to Mom's house. I can't go to see my birth mom, and to you too... Should I just kill myself? If I died, will I be given some forgiveness? Why are you saying things like that? Don't say such useless things. I'll go bring something out. Wait here for a minute. You still haven't decided where you want to go tonight? [Come to Gongneung Reservoir by 8 o'clock] [Let's go night fishing] Night fishing? I left a couple t-shirt on top of the shoe rack It's Chi San's Dress prettily in it when you come later Eat it. Park Ha, I'm going to get going. Do you have something to do? No need to see me out. I'm leaving. Se Na! Se Na, Se Na! Wait! Wait, wait, wait! What is it? I just thought it's not right to have you leave like this. Have dinner before you go. I'll buy. Why are you going to the reservoir? You're not having some crazy thoughts, are you? Huh? -Uh... No... -You're not thinking anything crazy, right? No. This just got set wrong. If you've made a mistake, you can learn from it. If you've done something wrong, you can make up for it. Life is not something for you to think so rashly about. Don't worry. I'm going to go home. Your cell phone ringtone is the same as mine. Really? Aren't you going to answer your phone? Your phone cannot be connected, please leave a message... Your Highness. Considering the price and the quality, I think this one is the best. But that's not very stylish. Look at this red one. This suits you very well, Your Highness. Your Highness. I was told this is the strongest one. Okay. Select one that would suit Park Ha too. Your Highness. Why are you looking for a fishing pole all of a sudden? Fishing is something you can do at night too. An evening date! Your Highness... Nights are dangerous. I will accompany you. -I don't need it. -But still, I... Is Park Ha still not answering her phone? Well, since we made the plans, I'm sure she'll come there. Are you guys going to the baseball field? -I'm sorry about your shirt, Chi San. -No, that's okay. Oh my, oh my! The tickets... I left them at home. I'll go quickly and get them, so you guys go on ahead. Okay. Have a great time. Your Highness. Good night. Park Ha! I don't have an appetite, so I'll leave first. Let's eat together some other time. That's strange... I know I left my cell phone around here somewhere. Park Ha! You didn't go fishing? Fishing? What fishing? His Highness went fishing. I'll be leaving now. Have a great time. We won't wait up and will just go to sleep. What do you mean fishing? I'm sorry. Should I just kill myself? Park Ha, I'll get going. -Do you have something to do? -Yeah. Don't bother seeing me out. Bye. Your cell phone ringtone is the same as mine. I don't have an appetite, so I'll get going first. His Highness went fishing. It's already getting late. Why isn't she coming? She certainly picked a secluded place. -Mister, please go a little faster. -Yes. [Park Ha] The phone you are trying to reach has been turned off, please leave a message. Ah...seriously... Her battery must have ran out again. Could she have been in an accident? Why did you come so late? You should've at least called me to let me know you were going to be late! Where does she think she's playing around? If I catch you, you won't get away with it! The joke is too extreme. Your Highness... Subtitles by DramaFever You're going to my mom's house right now? Oh, the other way? You're saying Hong Se Na is Chairman's Jang's real daughter? I told you to get rid of Tae Yong! You said you'd take care of Tae Yong! You make me do all the work, and you, Tae Yong... I just said Tae Yong... Why did I say Tae Yong? Was the real why you came here from Joseon such a light reason? You break off the engagement as if you're flipping your hand over. Is it that simple? -I'm sorry. -If you break off the engagement... The reason why came here from Joseon... Ugh... Sorry! If you break off the engagement, what are you going to do about... If you break off the engagement, what are you going to do about... -What do I do...? -If you break off the engagement, How are you saying you're going to resolve the... Fine. What is it that I need to do? Where do you get off joking around? Do you know how scared I was? Get back. Get back. Pak Ha! Pak Ha! Pak Ha! - Park Ha! - It's dangerous! It's very dangerous. Don't go in! Park Ha! Park Ha! - Your Highness! Your Highness! Your Highness! - It's very dangerous! You can't go in! Pak Ha! Pak Ha, where are you? Answer me! Pak Ha! Pak Ha! Pak Ha! Pak Ha, where are you? Answer me! Park Ha! Pak Ha! Pak Ha. Where are you? Pak Ha! Pak Ha. Where are you? Pak Ha! Pak Ha! Pak Ha! Pak Ha! Wake up! Pak Ha! Open your eyes! Pak Ha! Pak Ha! Pak Ha! Pak Ha! Here they come! Here they come! - Are you all right? - Are you all right? Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Miss Pak Ha! - Out of the way! - Miss Park Ha! Your Highness, are you okay? It's a relief that you didn't get any burns. This medicine will help calm you. Drink it all. It's bitter. I'm all right now. You should go and rest now. Fine. Okay, I understand. You should rest. Oh, that's right. This... What? Nothing. I still have some urgent matters that I need to deal with, so don't get up and just rest. Okay, I understand! Mr. Song Man Bo, this is Hong Se Na. Yes, Secretary Hong. Didn't you just call Team Leader Yong? Did something happen? Oh, yes. Miss Pak Ha was trapped in the warehouse... Miss Pak Ha? I understand. What was that? He got a call from Pak Ha and then just ran out of the meeting? Yes. The purchasing contract was cancelled right on the spot. Do you think cancelling it is all there is? What about the humiliation? What is that girl Pak Ha thinking? Where's Tae Yong right now? Call him and tell him to come right now. Yes. Do you know how much trouble you have caused? Who runs out in the middle of signing a contract? Don't you know about this thing? How important it was to you? Have you gone mad? I'm sorry. Tae Mu's side will use this incident to show that you're not competent. They will attack you. I will do better next time. Next time? There is no next time. This project was a test of you. Tae Mu's side will probably try to throw you out of the company. Be prepared. Are you in your right mind? Do you have any brains? Are you really going to keep acting like this? I'm sorry. That girl, Pak Ha. Why would she call you out of an important meeting? Where is she now? She's not at the company. She's at home now. She was in an acci--- At home? I can't believe this. You're getting engaged to Se Na, doesn't she know this? She already knows and she is still living in that house? This can't continue. Move back into this house immediately. I cannot, Grandmother. I want to stay in the rooftop house. We already agreed. Then tell Pak Ha to leave that house immediately. No. I will tell her personally and make sure she understands. I will go and see her tonight. Call Pak Ha and tell her to stay there. Why aren't you answering me? Did you hear me? Yes. Pak Ha nuna, you must have been really frightened today. Here. Eat this and regain strength. I'm all right now. Thank you. Lately your face hasn't looked well. Eat well and gain strength. I'm really all right. Hey, is Pak Ha nuna the only patient? I just had a surgery for appendicitis. Here you go. Chi San, how are you feeling? What? Although it still hurts a little where I had the surgery, I'm okay as long as I don't laugh. Don't make me laugh. Eat a lot. Thanks. We are going for some beers before going home. That's fine. I am going back to rest. Park Ha nuna, you should rest, too. Yes, I plan to. Chi San, you can't drink any beer. I'll go with you if you promise not to make me laugh. What is there to laugh about? Let's go. Then both of you, please leave first. Okay. Don't drink too much. 1... 2... 3... Don't make me laugh. Let's go. Let's go. Your Highness. Your Highness. I want to go back. Eonni, are you planning to wait here until Tae Yong and Pak Ha return? Sister-in-law, if you're busy, leave first. It seems like eonni is very determined today. What are you doing? Let's go somewhere and have some ice cream. What is it? What's wrong? Isn't that the Chairman? Grandmother is very angry. We failed to sign the contract today. She has a misunderstanding that it was all your fault. So, it would be best not to meet her right now. It really was because of me. For now, it's better if we avoid her. Let's go. I'm sorry. Because of me, everything was ruined. The one who should be sorry is me. I shouldn't have sent you to the warehouse. Something bad nearly happened to you. Thank you. You risked the fire to come and save me. I am the one who is grateful. Today I saw you laugh again. Why would you be grateful for me laughing? I was afraid that because of me, you might not laugh any more. Don't be mistaken. You don't control whether I cry or laugh. You're really funny. Again, again, again. You're always talking back. Do you remember what you said to me the other night when you were drunk? When I was drunk... what did I say? You said you had very bad luck. In this huge, wide city of Seoul, of all places, why did you fall onto my rooftop? This is what you call bad luck. I didn't say anything like that. You probably don't remember because you were drunk. No. There hasn't been one time that I have forgotten things because I was drinking. I'm positive I never said anything like that. That night, you said this... Out of all those houses, why did I have to drop into your rooftop house? That's just what you said. After you said that, I thought about it a lot. You were living well on your rooftop. Then I suddenly dropped into your home. It must have been very hard for you. I'm sorry. I'm sure you would have liked it better if you fell into a nicer house. No... I liked it, but I guess it was unlucky for you. When I said it was bad luck, I didn't mean that. You said you never said that. Huh? I meant just as an example. Grandmother has left. Did the Chairman leave yet? He said she is still there. She must be very angry, so you should avoid meeting with her. I understand. Here, this is very sweet. You've really adjusted to being a person of this time. In the beginning, you couldn't do anything. Really, in the beginning... I thought you were one of these kinds of people. I thought you were so small, but you had such a loud mouth and were so irritating. Yong Sul wanted to kill you with his sword. Do you know how many times I had to stop him? Oh really... That time you made such a big fuss about a drop of blood on your finger. You held your finger up so high. At that time, I didn't say this. But I've always wanted to tell you. People that act like that, here we call them a "wimp". A wimp? You were always whining "you're abusing me", "you're abusing me", even though you never did any work. You were so obnoxious. What? Obnoxious? Just to help you sell strawberries, I put on that animal fur and shook my body until I passed out. That wasn't Becky? What is this? I was totally fooled. Whenever you looked at me, it was with eyes like these. So how could I tell you? But in fact, when you went on that blind date, You looked kind of pretty. What is this? Are you giving the disease and then the medicine? Well in fact, when you cut your long hair, you looked just a little bit handsome. It wasn't because I cut my hair. I was already good-looking to begin with. You're looking at me with your own two eyes and you still can't tell? So conceited. Obnoxious. Why haven't you come back yet? Grandmother hasn't gone yet? She is still there. It seems she is very determined. Really? Then, what should we do? Let's go to another place. Should we? You... You... Who are you guys? Looks like there's something wicked in there. A forehead chestnut. Shameless, wicked one! Free us from your sorcery at once! Very well. What must I do to satisfy you? It's really nice. Idiot. Your Highness, your hand is bleeding! Put your hand up high, high! Your Highness! Your Highness! Pak Ha! Stop! You can't fall asleep. We have to go home soon. They said Grandmother is still waiting in front of the house. Really? Doesn't she get hungry? They said she ordered food delivered to her. You're lying, aren't you? Do you live being lied to? All this time you've been lying about the chairman not leaving, haven't you? You are such a big liar! That's right. I forgot to say something before when we were eating. I lied to you that the helium inside the balloon was sweet. After swallowing it, you just shouted, "How dare you, how dare you". Why are you so foolish? You are really an idiot, an idiot. Mok-Dan-Ham-Ro-Jin-Ju-Gua. The tree peony with hanging drops of pearl. Mi-In-Jeol-Duk-Chan-Jun-Gwa. The bride was passing by a window and picked a peony with her hand. With a slight smile at the bridegroom, she asked... am I prettier than the flower? Why does sister-in-law always appear in my dreams? Are you awake? Finish this up. Go back home. Se Na... Have you forgotten that we're supposed to check out the venue for our engagement this morning? I am so sorry, just said a little to you. I'll get prepared and come down immediately. Pleased to meet you. It has been a while! Thanks to Yong Tae Mu dept head. our company sales figures increased. The council has a good evaluation of you. Dragon east ten thousand for a particular person, occasion, purpose affair. You must be very proud right? It's because of everyone's support. Please come inside. Let's go in. Let's get started. Regarding the promotion of teamleader Yong Tae Yong, just assume that it never happened. Although the failure of the purchasing contract was one of the reasons, But the bigger issue is that the rumour regarding his mental problems has been spreading, that is the biggest issue. To be honest now all what a decade of a century and what are you doing the Third succession? If it continues like this, The council might raise the issue of resolving the current management committee. Regarding this issue, we definitely cannot avoid responsibility. This time it is because teamleader Yong wanted to save someone's life, hence the issue arises. Please give teamleader Yong another chance. Do you know that during the council meeting, I was so embarrassed? I'm sorry. The chance that Tae Mu specially asked for during the council meeting, is really the last chance. Present a presentable project, and let the committee evaluate, and win over Tae Mu just this once Do you understand? Yes, Grandmother. The competition against Dept Head. Yong Tae Mu, We will definitely lose. In terms of strategy, we are not even their opponent. There are no odds of success. A war with no chance of victory, means we need to wait for the next opportunity, At to vie against one another time to look down on opponent that moment. Each other will to fight will to rise tenfold. Let the opponents underestimate us. Then I will to fight will to rise tenfold. Enter office three hour very quiet. No need to be too worried there want to came out project understand. Just only do development to announce go on and sue. Then dept head have anything want good project. Formal trading company with our side. Plan alone to sign a contract or agreement. Isn't this sport shoes the trend in Hollywood right now? Really difficult to deal with. Our opponent will definitely try to find out about us and try to impede our progress. If our opponent were to use unscrupulous methods, We too have to fight against them. Firstly, we have to go in order which company to get in touch with. Give company female staff to leak out a bit our plan. Like really seems as if to piece together life go attack. How is it? Very good. this piece of clothing then. Are you really okay with that? Yes, it's really okay. Don't you know to answer differently? For example, it's beautiful, it's pretty. Sorry. It's very pretty. Got it. Just get it done then. I'll go to change. Tae Yong, Can I say directly? Of course. Getting in touch with you longer, I feel that I am getting closer to you, However, you leave me even further. It's not like that. Do not have these kinds of thoughts. I can feel...how? Miss Se Na. I'm sorry. Why do you have these kinds of feelings? There should be reasons? For example whenever I did something and you will have that kind of feelings, you can say it. It's not because of you. I think it's because of Park Ha. Because of Park Ha, I felt insecure, You and my relationship...it seems that Park Ha is going to snatch it away. Park Ha is not that kind of person. Even if she gave whatever she has to others, she will not snatch away others. That's what Ms. Se Na had misunderstood about. How can you say that? Why do you say it's my mistake? Even if i say something wrong, shouldn't you support me too? Miss Se Na. I'm sorry, I have to leave first. What are you doing? I'm arranging stuff that needs to be thrown. The costumes, shoes and others. Right. I will take away this pot of lotus flower. Just leave it here. If you want to take a look at it, you can come over. How can I come over? I should bring it with me. Are you going somewhere far? I do not know yet. If you don't know, how can you go. planning to go to somewhere better than here. there is no place better than here. Really? why? Why is there no such place? Big house, good environment, good traffic. there are so many places. Also, what to do with those stuff? Those firecrackers. Isn't there joyous occasion to celebrate, and therefore it's prepared beforehand? I will have a lot of joyous occasions to celebrate, Therefore, I should take it with me. Is that so? Take away everything. Everything. Idiot. Idiot. What? Lee Gak Oppa is going to get engage with another woman? Does that even make any sense? Not Park Ha, but another woman. Does it make any sense? It's obvious to everyone that they like each other. Isn't it? Really unreasonable. So, how about Park Ha unni? Park Ha unni must be extremely miserable now isn't it? We too. We don't feel good too. Just looking at them? Totally shameless. You guys have taken whatever you want from Park Ha. We also have reasons we cannot say out, Please understand us. We are not that kind of person. No. This is definitely wrong. Park Ha is so pitiful. Park Ha unni, yesterday you said me so that you can leave here? I heard about it. ah..really, I really cannot understand. Why would you do that? Okay, are there any places that are hiring people? My mother's brother open clam company. There seems like to be infectious. Clam company. Really. Good. There. Pohang. Have a bit of far. Where have. Pohang also good. Jeju Island special autonomous province, South Korea, a World Heritage site and how? Help me put in good words to your uncle. Tell him that I am a good worker. Ok, I know. Tathata dept head so to forecast the same go travel agency. Jeju Island special autonomous province, South Korea, a World Heritage site who will come theme choose first place. There travel agency to take upon oneself person who is it? Is gold still long life minister. Give gold still long life minister hit a phone. Yes. Do not provide any goods over there. We must exert pressure on them. Gold still long life minister at least give to examine or inspect opportunities a moment okay. There are already arrangements this quarter. When are you going to stay in this house till? I'll take care of everything. You do not need to worry. Tae Yong said he would not go to Granny's place. He wants to continue to stay in this rooftop. If that's the case, I might move in over there. What are you trying to say? I'm only begging you not to be in the way. It sounded uncomfortable. So please shut your mouth up. My matter feeling. My to possess propriety. Ah, these are the clothes I bought for Tae Yong, Bring it in to his room. Unni, Park Ha Unni. Mimi. Wait a moment. Unni, why I could not get through your phone? No battery? Oh really? I don't know. Unni, can you go to Pohang market now? My mother's brother clam company. Right now? Other people also seems like having interviews. Hurry up, let's go and take a look. okay. It seems like i definitely have to go and take a look. Can you help me record the address and telephone number of Pohang market? It's here. Unni, when are you moving out of the house? Three days later. I'm going. Did you found other jobs? No. There is something that I want to learn since quite long ago. Before I age, I feel like learning something. Well... that's true. Learn a skill is always good. But you suddenly decided to leave, a bit unwilling. Thank you all along for your care. How's the progress? Ah. As expected. They are obstructing us. They are totally kept in the dark. To make a declaration for the east and strike to the west. Try to create confusion here, Other one side start with. Our plan are progressing smoothly. When all their focus are shifted to somewhere else. I want to make another trip to the factory. I win. Still out. Not back in the office. Is she refusing to see me? I apologize, Please help me pass on. I will continue waiting. Should be with here sign contract. Aigoo. It's so difficult to sign a contract. How live? If you cannot, you can only quit. What is wrong with you all? Everybody add get strength son. This time, go three a thousand miles kimchi and see. Let's go. Go take a look. We have so many parasites in our company. This once Tae Yong they go three a thousand miles kimchi factory. I will give hurried before minister hit a phone. Place minister do as I see fit. I'll see what good proposal you can come up with. Let's go in. What do you mean? Resign from the company? Why didn't you discuss with me? Tae Mu. What are you doing exactly? Starting from now I do not have any duty to discuss anything with Tae Mu you right? already announced their wedding engagement. I don't think there's a need to come back to the company. After you resigned, during this period of time, go to where your mother is, in the UK. When you go to England, I will handle here. Handle. What do you still want to handle? When you are back from England? Everything would be the same, like previously There will be no problems, No Tae Yong, Father will also not again to you say irresponsible remarks. I will take care of it. Why are you always saying the same things over and over again? It's all over. Can you sober up? You cannot go over to Tae Yong's side. You will let the cat out of the bag someday. Yong Tae Mu. You still cannot forget Secretary Hong? She only get close to you. Now her target has switched to Tae Yong. Pretending to compromise, and secretly compare the two of you, and discovered that Tae Yong has more value, That's why she chose Tae Yong. I will definitely make her return back to my side. Can you sober up? Do you think you really understand Secretary Hong? Secretary Hong. From head to foot is camouflage came out. What are you talking about? Se Na. Her family background, including whatever she has said, are all lies A professor mum in england, is just a hawker in the fish market, She has cheated you inside out for the past two years Pak Ha, Team leader Yong. Where has Pak Ha gone? I didn't see her in the studio She has resigned today. She has already left the company. Didn't Park Ha told you? Resigned. Today? Yes, right. She came in the morning and left. The number you dialed is unavailable, Please leave a message after the tone. To the foolish prince, At the time Your Highness is reading this letter, I've left the rooftop house. Going to another city, which is definitely a better place. I'm very thankful for all those beautiful memories. Those time that we've spent together, I am very happy. Do not feel guilty. On my behalf, please inform Yong Sul, Chi San and Man Bo on my departure. I will miss all of you. Take care. An even more foolish Pak Ha. It's not even a day, but several days. you want me to allow you to return the goods? In your dreams. It all tasted the same, why must you bother so much about it? Okay Okay fine, I won't change. It's dirty, i don't want to eat. I'm not eating. Hey, stop right there! Stop! Fine. Calm down calm down. Cannot I just keep to spread out not doing. Aigoo! (Aigoo - oh dear, oh my god) You go to the aquatic market, there is one store called East China sea aquatic. That's Se na mother's seafood store. Can you find a job for my daughter? Oh, mom... =Hello.= Omo! =Hello.= do you come here for something? Just nice, i have some matters, hence i came to the market place. Just seeing you here. How's your health? Are you feeling okay? I'm better. You bought tonic and gave me physiotherapy, so it's all good and well. Aigoo, don't stand there. come inside and have a seat. No need, it's all right. It's okay. Come in. You should at least drink a cup of coffee before leaving. Come in, come in. Come come, come in here. sit here, sit here. It's fine. Then just sit here, sit here. You should sit too. You can pretend that you don't know and leave directly, you still specially came over to say hello, it's not like the young people nowadays. This is a photo from 25 years ago. I want to find my daughter. that..drink this. Okay. Thank you. This one? This one. These are my daughters' photos. This, this small little girl is Park Ha. the child that I asked you to help to get a job. Is that so? What is it? In fact, it was when I was introducing the job to Park Ha, In view of Pak Ha's family, where only left her alone. there is even no records of her mother. That's-- Do not feel strange. This is because this family is reformed, I brought this child back. This old fellow brought Park Ha over. This was how we formed our current family. After that, it's just because we didn't go through the lawyers and just leave our lives like that. excuse me. I'm sorry. Unni, sorry, sorry I need to leave first, sorry. Who is it? That's just a sister I know, So is this the biological father of Park Ha? Yes, that's right. He passed away two years ago. I must be very annoying to tell you these kinds of boring stuff. Let's drink! Let's drink! =Hello.= Yes, it's me. We'll talk about it in the future. I'm hanging up first. Wait... I am driving now. I will hang up first. I want to talk to you about your family. Park Ha, do you know where did Park Ha went? I don't know. Mimi. Where is Mimi? Mimi has gone to workshop. Don't feel sorry for me. Sayonara. (Sayonara - goodbye in Japanese) An even more foolish Pak Ha. Do you want to have a drink? I want to drive. My family matters, Looks like is listen your father said already. It's regarding my mum. Just because this kind of matters be my father threaten. I do not care if you are from a rich family or not, I don't care if you have parents or not, I am all right with it. But why do you need to lie to me about this? Park Ha is actually your sister. Although there is no blood relationship. Is she just a sister that you know? What do you want to say? Really? Those lies that you once told me, I don't even care one bit. You can trust in me. is more important compared to this. I've found Chairman Zhang's daughter. Park Ha is Hong Kong Chairman Zhang's daughter. Se Na, aren't you also holding the photo that Chairman Zhang gave you? But you do not want Park Ha to found out about it right? Because Chairman Zhang will give all her assets to her, Therefore... What are you trying to say? Se Na, you can be Chairman Zhang's daughter. otherwise, our company's huge amount of shares would be given to Park Ha. If you become Chairman Zhang's daughter, Our company will become just you and mine. Of course, Tae Yong would be driven out of the company. Do you understand what i mean? So the most important thing is to send Park Ha as far away as possible. She should not appear even before the company or in front of Chairman Zhang. I'll do everything else. Se Na you just pretend nothing has happened. just stay with me like before. Otherwise, a large sum of our company shares will fall into Pak Ha's hands. If you become Chairman Zhang's daughter, Then, the company will be wholly-owned by you and I. What do you think you're doing? What are you doing here? What? Didn't you leave? I'm going. I'm going. My are not leaving. What? This whole bunch of sparklers have been used. Obviously is mine. Didn't you know how hard i tried to find you? You only left behind a letter. And contact not. You think let me urgent die. Why do you make me become like this? Why do you make me become like this! Yesterday, one whole day, I was so distressed, and felt so stuffy. About to explode. Even breathing has become difficult. I, myself also don't understand why it's like that. Throughout the day, I almost lost my mind. Even shouting till my heart burst couldn't give me any comfort. But, seeing you now, I've realized, I... I... have been thinking of you all day long. I... like you. Each time, it's only about what you want. ( Man Bo ) (Do Chi San : Grandmother has left) (Do Chi San : Why still not coming home? ) ( resignation letter ) ( East China sea aquatic ) ( Tae Mu ) Tae Mu! Our Tae Yong has returned. He has returned. Tae Yong has returned. Oh right, Tae Yong quickly tell me, where have you been lately that you only come back now? Elder, I said... you seem to have mistaken me for someone else. But that is all right. Tae Yong, what are you saying? How could I have mistaken you for someone else? You little brat. Take a good look at me. I'm your grandmother. Just what has happened to you to make you so confused? You've managed to find your way back home, so how can you not recognize me? Tae Yong, look carefully. I'm your grandmother. Look closely, look closely. So presumptuous! How dare you? Today is my first time meeting you, so how could you be my grandmother? Tae Yong, what's wrong with you? I'm your grandmother, you brat. Come to your senses! How dare you? Let go immediately! Who are you, you jerk? You shameless rascal! Who on earth are you? What? Helping with the move? I never asked you to help with the move. What are you doing here? Mother said you asked her to handle this. She called and asked me to help. Mother made a mistake. I'll take care of things here, so you don't need to meddle. Just leave quickly. I didn't come because I wanted to. It was because mother asked me. And now you want me to go back? Can you just hurry up and leave? U Yong Sol! Your Highness! Your Highness! Your Highness! What's wrong now? - Lowly scoundrel! - Bastard! Stop this now! Come and escort the Crown Prince. Your Highness. What to do? What happened? Look at what you all did! You fight every chance you get! You broke so many things. What will I do if they make me pay for the damages? Why is this? Calling someone "scoundrel" and "rascal" and such! If you talk to people like that, it's no wonder you got hit! Didn't I tell you not to say those ridiculous words anymore? Impudence! Why don't you shut up now! Didn't you hear what I said? Are you deaf? Stop talking like that! Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up! Don't you hear me telling you to be quiet? Do I have to tear off your lips to make them stop moving? Here! Tear them! Tear them! Tear them off! Impudence! Take your mouth away right now! Listen clearly. I'll say it once more. If you keep talking down to people, and calling them names, I won't put up with it! Really! Your Highness... The light has turned green, so go! Tae Mu, how could you be like this? Tae Yong found his way back, so how could you hit him? Grandmother, that person isn't Tae Yong... How can he not be Tae Yong? No matter how you look, isn't he our Tae Yong? He even found his way back home. Something must have happened while he was missing. That's why he can't remember me. Can't you understand that? We should have tried to talk to him and find out what happened. How could you fight? How could you hit him? Tae Mu, you chased away Tae Yong! Grandmother, that person is not Tae Yong! Get him back for me. Hurry and go find him! No. Secretary Hong. Didn't Secretary Hong call that moving company? Call Secretary Hong. I want her to come here right now! Yes. Why was Chairman looking for me? Did something happen? Go inside and you will find out. I'll leave first. Secretary Hong, A young man was just here. Tell him to come back immediately. Hurry and get him back here. Chairman, what did you say? Secretary Hong, you called that moving company, right? Yes, you're right, Chairman. That moving company, the first young man who entered our house... find him and make him come back here. Hurry and bring him here! What are you doing? Get going! Yes, Chairman. U Yong Sul, come here. This looks brand new. Not bad. It looks like it fits. Strong and dependable! Try it on. Yes, of course. Song Man Bo, come over here. How is this? Do you like it? I was taught Chung-Bin-Nak-Do. "What I already have is enough." With the four of you wearing the same clothes, people look at us strangely. They say we look like traffic lights. You can wear the track suit at home, and wear this when you go out, okay? Wow. It fits you well! It really shows off your good looks. All right, I will wear this. For Do Chi San... I want this. You like this one? I'm going to put it on right now. No! You can't change here. Change after you go inside. Hey, Mr. High and Mighty, aren't you going to choose? Look and pick something. Fine then. Pick something suitable for me-- But then, if you're the only one wearing that, it should be okay. Come, come. Let's move on. Next, we will pick out trousers and shoes. Come with me. Follow me. Here we are able to just take the clothes. Aren't these clothes too flashy? If they are flashy, that's good. Anyway, I think it is better here than in Joseon. How's this? Hold out your foot. Oh, nice, nice. Your Highness. Your Highness. Your Highness! Your Highness! Your Highness, Your Highness, I have found shoes fit for a king! Those are really good! Excuse me! I'm sorry. She's just a dongsaeng I know. (dongsaeng - younger sibling) Her job is delivering fresh food. Director, I'm here. Manager Hwang. I would like your help in a private matter. Private? It is my honor, Director. By any chance, do you know a market called Yu Jin in Daelim-dong? The third exit from Dalin Station, go straight 100 meters. When you get to the pharmacy, turn right. In the complex, there is a produce stand called Shing-Shing. There is a girl who works there delivering food. Help me to investigate her. Shing-Shing produce stand. Delivery girl. Also, please keep this matter confidential. Confidential? I will investigate it secretly. There's a restroom inside. Go change in there, then come back. Why does she want us to change our clothes in the restroom? Where is this restroom? Official U... This moves by itself. Just like the car moves, this door moves. We learned about this yesterday. Have you forgotten? Your Highness, There are four walls inside. We should be able to change clothes here. Yes, that's true. Let's go inside. Your Highness, we will turn our backs to you, so that you may feel at ease. Fine. Let's each get undressed. Why did this door open? Your Highness, we must change quickly before the door opens again! Yes! Yes! Daebak! A bunch of perverts! - They're crazy! - Get out of here! What is this! Die, perverts! Excuse me. By any chance, have you seen four strange guys? What took you so long to get here? Stop the car! Hurry stop the car! What now? Didn't you hear me telling you to stop the car? We just passed the gate of Changdeok Palace. Why didn't you tell me we were going to pass by the palace gate? Why are you not stopping the car? Right now I'm very, very busy. I know you don't notice, but you ought to figure these things out. Always acting like a spoiled brat. No. Absolutely not. You really cannot? My answer is... Aren't you going to work? Wipe it quickly! If you do a good job, I will take you to Changdeok Palace. Is this true? It can't be done poorly. If you work super-hard, then I will. You can be assured that I will work very diligently. What do I do and how do I do it? Chi San, give me that. It's all right. Give it to me. Is this how you do it? Your Highness! Your Highness... What are you all doing? I already said it's all right. Your Highness, give it to me. Your servant will work even harder. Your Highness, how can you do something like this? Your Highness, we have sinned. We will not complain about the work. I already said I will work very hard, so stop this. U Yong Sul, move your foot. What are you all doing? Hurry and clean this place until it shines. Yes, Your Highness. My cell phone doesn't work, so that's why I missed your call. Mine is broken and nobody bought me a new one, even though the day after tomorrow is my birthday. Is it my fault my cell phone doesn't work? I asked you for one favor and you got Pak Ha to do it. What's wrong? Did she do a bad job? Forget it. I'll tell you later. Do you know where I can find Pak Ha? Just use your useful cell phone. You can give Pak Ha a call, don't you know that? She doesn't answer my calls. It's really frustrating. Where can I find her now? Quickly. Quickly. This, down there, down there. Your Highness, what happened? Your Highness, your hand is bleeding! We must stop the bleeding! Put your hand up high, high! More, more, more, higher! Blood is still flowing. Just press down on where it's bleeding. I'm going to the pharmacy. - Welcome. - Hello. Give me one Band-Aid. Just a moment. Over there, I am opening a produce store on the first floor. Please take good care of me. Excuse me... So we meet again. What are you doing here? My business is here. I'm very sorry about what happened before. What? Pay for the damages? I guess those people made a mess and broke the furniture. Of course I should compensate you. I'm sure that was all very expensive. How much do you think the compensation will be? No, it's not like that. I wanted to tell you that there was no need for compensation. I don't need to compensate you? Yes. I will handle it. That... that guy who was wearing the red tracksuit... Did you call him to help with the move? No. He works for me. That man was the first one to go inside. Is it possible he was familiar with the house? That person doesn't even know if this is Hanyang or Seoul... Of course it was his first time there. I told him to go inside first. Oh, I see. But, it's possible someone might call you about paying the damages. So, just say you don't know where that guy is. You want me to say I don't know? The compensation may be quite a lot. So, you just need to say you don't know where that guy is. Also, you don't know his contact information. Then I will be able to handle it myself. Here are some VIP gift cards. My company gives these out, so just take them there and use them. That's okay. I'm very sorry for all the problems. There's really no need. It's all right. You can keep it. Why haven't you been answering any of my calls? Did you call? I must have left my cell phone in the truck. Where is that guy who wore the red training suit? I don't know. You brought those people, so how can you not know? Give me his contact information. I don't know his contact information. I don't know his name, either. I don't know where he lives, either. He only came to work for that one day. So I don't know where he is now. Well, I'm busy so I'll leave first. The day after tomorrow is mother's birthday, so we need to tell her where to meet. I'm going. That's good. Now it won't hurt. This is called a Band-Aid. Guaranteed to cure all diseases. When you put it on a wound, it heals. It already doesn't hurt anymore, does it? It hurts. Did the Chairman scold you? Is it my fault that I don't know that person's contact information? If other people tell me they don't know him, what can I do? The guy who was wearing the red training suit... did he really look that much like Tae Yong? The Chairman also thought she saw someone similar in the hospital before. Later, she said she imagined it. It's probably like that this time. Please excuse my grandmother. Don't worry, I'm all right. As long as you are okay, I will be fine. When summer comes, let's go to England. Go to England for what? What else? We'll go to London to see your mother. Oh, that. We can wait to see my mother when she comes to South Korea. You can meet her then. But I think I should take the initiative to meet her myself. This summer, we will definitely go to London together. All right, say it with me... Ka Kya Keo Kyeo. Ka Kya Keo Kyeo. Don't fall asleep! Ko Kyo Ku Kyu Keu Ki. Ko Kyo Ku Kyu Keu Ki. Louder, once more. Ky Kya Keo Kyeo Ko Kyo Ku Kyu. Ka Kya Keo Kyeo Ko Kyo Ku Kyu Keu Ki. Very good. Next line. Na Nya Neo Nyeo. Na Nya Neo Nyeo. No Nyo Nu Nyu Neu Ni. No Nyo Nu Nyu Neu Ni. I promised to bring you here. Your three officials are waiting at home. Go inside and look around, but we have to go home soon. Here. Drink this. This is quite spectacular. What is this? Coffee. Why is it so bitter? It's so bitter that tears come out. Take it back. Yes, President Wang? This is Pak Ha. Really? You want me to go over now? Good. I will come right now. Yes, thank you. Hurry up! Hurry up! Hurry up! We're late! What are you doing? Hurry up! Hurry up! You can't go back alone. Keep up with me! Really... We almost missed it. Repeat after me. Like this: Please give me. What is this? That one. You're noisy. Why are you chattering at me again? You speak to people like this and get in fights in other people's houses. Earlier, at the palace... Can I ask this? Why did you cry? You saw that? It was so obvious with tears running down your face. How could I miss it? It was because I drank that coffee. It was before you drank the coffee. You absolutely cannot tell my men. You absolutely must not tell them that I cried! When you talk to other people, you need to be more polite. Try it. Hello. Hello. You did that well. See that young lady there? Say to her, "Please give me a boiled egg and a soda." I don't want to. Are you trying to teach me how to speak? Do you want me to tell your men that you were crying? Over here! A boiled egg... Please give me a soda. Please give me a soda. How much is it? How much is it? President Hwang, this is Pak Ha. I'm here at the train station. How do we get there? Amusement park? When you see the amusement park entrance, go left. Go down this way a little until you get there. You should cool off now. Why did you bring me all the way here? I didn't bring you. You came with me. If you don't want to be here, you can go back by yourself. Ah... You don't know how. One of these days, I will certainly teach your big mouth a lesson. Hello! I am from the produce market. President Hwang sent me here. The president said he was sending someone, but I didn't expect a young lady. He told me several times to only charge you half price. My produce store is almost ready to open. I wanted to do a half-price promotion. It just so happens that we are having an unusually large harvest. Miss, you are really in luck. Thank you very much. So, are these the strawberries you're giving me? No. Miss, the ones for you are somewhere else. Are you by yourself? What? Have you completely lost your mind? You expect me to pick all these strawberries by myself? Do you already have dementia? Or are you just insane and babbling nonsense? Shush! President, may we borrow a few of your workers? We could not pick all these strawberries even if we worked all night. If you use my workers, then I cannot charge you half price for the strawberries. Didn't President Hwang tell you? I definitely told him that you needed to bring several people. Oh, President... Just pick as much as the two of you can. I can't give you more than that. But... I will tell you clearly, I will not pick strawberries! Do you understand this? I will also tell you clearly, if you don't pick the strawberries, I will kick you out of my house! Aigoo, my back. I asked him to pick them with me. He only picked 10 and then disappeared. I really hate the way he acts. Wait until we return to Seoul. Then I will throw him out! No. It wasn't me! Really. I didn't even touch it. It fell down by itself and broke. This is the last straw. Starting today, I am remodeling this person. But why do I want to remodel him? It's all over now. I'm throwing him out. Crown Prince, your skill at writing is outstanding. Your Highness, it is great. My goodness, such good characters. This is exceptional calligraphy, everybody. If he says it is so, we can believe him. Yes. His late father was a calligrapher. Being his son, of course he should know. The sign that broke was written by his father, of course. It had always been hanging there until now. Heavens. Look at him with his mouth hanging open. So this is called a popsicle? It is sweet, cool and refreshing. The taste is quite excellent. Here. You are really low-born. Yes, I am low-born. But I know how to work with my own two hands and two feet to provide for myself. You think that just because you're noble, you don't have to lift a finger? You're so noble, but you freeload off someone like me. You should at least have a conscience. Just get out of my way! When we get back to Seoul, I'm throwing you out! - Quickly. - Everybody quickly. We came to help pick the strawberries. Everybody, this is the calligrapher. His hand is valuable. How can he use it to pick strawberries? We will do it. Thank you. Please convey my gratitude to President Hwang. Hurry. This thing is also sweet and soft. The taste is quite excellent. The problem with the strawberries was solved sooner than expected. We have to wait for our train. That's why we're here to kill some time. Didn't you already say that? Why are you always repeating yourself? I want to be sure you understand. A radish baby! I want to hang it in my store. Hold this for me. It's like fishing. This time, let me do it. "Please let me try this." Respectfully. Please let me... try this. Just a little bit more. Got it at last! If it wasn't for me, you would have been in trouble. We would still be picking strawberries now. We would have been working hard and dying. If I hadn't done the fishing, you would never have had this radish doll. What was it you were babbling to me about? Something about a noble person like me freeloading off a low-born person like you? Saying I should have a conscience? I must certainly discipline your mouth. I know, I know. Do you want to eat something sweet? Yes, I would like that. Something sweet. Where is it? Over there. See it? The thing floating in the sky. Do you eat that? You don't eat the skin. You breathe the air inside. It is extremely sweet. Are you serious? Let me taste it. You want to try it? Yes. Hurry and buy one. One breath. Inhale deeply, then swallow it. It's very sweet. This is not sweet at all. How can this be my voice? Insolent wench! What did you do? This is how to teach your mouth a lesson. Aigoo. It's time to catch our train. Yes! Pak Ha told us to look after you. It's our treat. Enjoy your food. Oppa, when did you come to South Korea? It hasn't been long. It hasn't been long for me either. Which country did you come from? If I said we came from Joseon, would you believe me? If I told you, you would not have heard of it. Pak Ha is calling. Ah... Pak Ha. We're eating now. Oh, is that so? Show them? Your Highness! Why are you in there, Your Highness? Welcome. Thank you for coming to our grand opening. This is really great. Welcome. Mother, pick something. Hey, hey, Pak Ha, do you know how much these are? Wow! They're really expensive. We should leave before someone notices us. Since we have this, it's free. Mother, pick anything you want. Omo! When did this girl get something like this? This really feels like a birthday. Let me see... Then... Over here are the special items for the grand opening. The response seems very good. What is our customers' average age? Around 25 years old. Since our products use natural ingredients, they are very good for sensitive skin. I know a lot of people who use them, and they really like them. If we go over there, they probably have a lot of gifts. You go there and take a look. Over there, isn't that your dongsaeng? Wait a moment. We meet again. Omo... Hello. I came to use the gift card. This is a little awkward. You came alone? No, I came with my stepmother. Director Yong. I'll be going then. Okay. Thank you. Where did she go? Hey, let go of me. Ow, my wrist. What's so important that you have to act like this? Be quiet. Hurry and come with me. Where to? Pak Ha. Let's go to the restaurant. Why does Pak Ha always show up in front of me? Isn't she going back to America? Since she lived there before, why did she come back here? Last year, didn't she say she was going to return to America? Hey, think about it. Pak Ha just opened her own store. Where can she go? She'll stay right here. Mom, I have a favor to ask. You must promise me this. Mother, happy birthday! Oh, thanks. Is it what I just picked out? Yes, and I added a few things. Oh, this is great! Pak Ha, you just opened your shop, so you shouldn't be spending so much money. You shouldn't have made reservations at such an expensive Korean restaurant. How were you able to save up the 65 million to lease your store? I borrowed it here and there. Today, I just got the last bit together and made it into a cashier's check. I'm going to the ladies' room. Ah, no, no. I think I really need to go to the ladies' room. Pak Ha, can you give me a hand? My leg still hurts. Yes, Mother. Pak Ha, actually, I had something to say to you. That's why Se Na said she was going to the ladies' room. But I really had to go, so I brought you with me. What do you mean? A man in a red tracksuit... Do you know a man like that? Yes. They said he definitely doesn't have to pay any compensation. It seems that the chairman of Se Na's company is really pressuring her. She wants Se Na to find that man and bring him to her right away. Hey, Se Na! Where are you going? Something came up at work. I'm leaving first. That girl, seriously... No matter what, Pak Ha... see if you can help Se Na just this once. Eonni, I can speak 3 languages at one time. Handle, ippai, khoko-ot! Aigoo, Gomo! My head hurts! That's why.... I'm giving you a smile treatment. Eonni, Do you know in what order singer Seol Woon Do changes clothes? You don't know, right? Up and down, up and down, up and down. Hello? Oh, of course. Is that so? Okay, I got it. Eonni, they said they found the guy in the red tracksuit. What? Is that true? Tae Mu. Father... I heard that grandmother just arrived at the company. Yes, Tae Mu. They said they found that person who looks like Tae Yong. Anyway, that person is coming over to the company now. What? Secretary Hong is taking him to meet the chairman. I'm on my way to the chairman's office. Secretary Hong. Director, is something wrong? Is that guy coming? Yes. This time he's not red, but he's wearing all blue. When he gets here, I'll take him to the chairman's office. That guy... I will... when he comes, I will take him. You go and make sure everything's going well with the fashion show. Father is very curious about it. The managing director? Then you will have him to bring him to the chairman's office. I'm going to go check on the show's staff. Go inside there. There's a lady waiting for you. She will take you to see that grandmother, then you come back. I understand. You must also keep your promise to me. Don't worry. I'm sorry I have to ask you to do this. Are you waiting for me? That's right. Let's talk outside. I was told an old lady was waiting to see me. I need to talk to you first. Heavens! You really do look like him. You look exactly the same. Eonni's mistake is perfectly understandable. How do you do? I am their Aunt Wang. Let's go up. Let's go, Tae Mu. What are you doing? Grandmother is waiting for us. Go up quickly. Let's go! Eonni, he came. He came. He really looks like him. Welcome. Please have a seat. Mother, he really looks exactly the same. Wow. Yong Tae Yong, I would have really thought it was him. Chairman, should I prepare coffee? I do not drink coffee. I do not drink it. Please give me something sweet. What's your name? My name is Lee Gak. What work do you do? I'm looking for someone. Who are you looking for? The Crown Princess. Your Highness! You really don't know me? You don't remember me? I already told you before that I do not know you. So, now you're looking for someone. Where were you and what were you doing two years ago? Two years ago, in Joseon... If they ask you anything, don't say anything about Joseon, your court officials, or things like that. They won't understand. Got it? I said I already know this. If you do well, I will make you omurice. (omurice - rice omelet) I agree. Keep that promise! How could I remember something that happened two years ago? I do not remember. This... What is it called? That is called "yo-gu-rutu". (Korean for "yogurt") Yogurt. Grandmother, I am saying this because I feel sorry for you. I am not the person that you are looking for. So, please do not waste your effort. Listen, young man. Whoever you are is okay with me. It's okay with me if you're not who I am looking for. Can't you be my grandson Tae Yong? Eonni, you shouldn't say something like that to him. You need to settle your heart and put this behind you. Mother... Don't worry about my grandmother. Because she lost her grandson, her heart is easily touched. That's why she's like that. I understand. Thank you. Here, this is transportation fare. I do not need it. Just this will do. Very well then. Take care. Crown Princess! Crown Princess. Crown Princess. Let go of me! Remove your hands! Crown Princess! Crown Princess! Crown Princess! You can't eat unless you pay for your food! Crown Princess! Crown Princess! Get your hands off me! Crown Princess! Crown Princess! The check is gone. The 40 000 000 check. I'm positive I put it in this envelope. Cancel our agreement. Look at me Crown Princess, it's me! I will give you the money you need. Then, if I give you the money... finish everything here and go back to America. I... must leave the rooftop. I won't ever forget this. Where do you plan on repaying it? Obviously you are telling a lie. -=Shing-Shing Produce=- -=Restroom=- -=Dohwa Land=- ~ The reason I live is for you. ~ ~ With all of my heart, ~ ~ I hope the flickering memories that remain will be sent to you. ~ ~ At the end of this road that I walk ~ ~ On this road that was allowed to me. ~ ~ I, who used to love and love you more ~ ~ Remain here alone. ~ ~ My love has burned away ~ ~ and the only thing remaining are the exhausted scars from waiting. ~ ~ I'm unable to forget someone like you. ~ ~ Only tears fall. ~ ~ When my love has all washed away ~ ~ Only the longing scars will remain. ~ ~ Only the word "goodbye" remains. ~ ~ So I cannot forget you. ~ ~ The talks we had together as we looked at each other. ~ ~ The stories that only we knew. ~ ~ I can't erase them, I can't throw them away, I can't forget them. ~ ~ I'm looking at these streets after a long time. ~ ~ Whenever I pass this street, the good memories ~ ~ they float through my head, ~ ~ so I stop my footsteps. ~ ~ After a long time ~ ~ I have come here now. ~ ~ Because I long for that time. ~ ~ Although I tried to live without knowing, I keep thinking about it. ~ ~ That's how I am. ~ ~ It keeps coming into my eyes. ~ ~ The times we spent together. ~ ~ Those memories, ~ ~ they fall like stars. ~ Subtitles by DramaFever Princess. Are you out there Princess? Is anyone out there? Hey there. Is no one out there? Hey there! Can't you hear me? Is no one out there? What is it? Your Highness... Tell me. I'm asking what's going on? Your Highness, Crown Prince... Tell me! What's the problem? Princess. Princess. Princess. Let go! Let me go! Where do you think you're laying down at? Princess! Princess! Princess! Princess! Princess! Princess... Let go! Princess! Prince. Yes, father. All the advisors are suggesting that you pick your future Crown Princess and get married. So...what kind of a girl would you like to have as your wife? I would like to have a woman who's beautiful as my wife. What? Your Highness. I beg your pardon...but do you mean that you just need the girl to be beautiful? I think that she has to be beautiful for me to want to see her every day. Father. What would be the use if every day is a lonely life after becoming the Crown Prince? What? A lonely life? Sis, Sis! Hwa Yong! Boo Yong. What is it for you to be so worked up about? Hwa Yong. The whole town is a buzz right now. At last, there is an order to pick an eligible seat for the Crown Princess. Really? They're searching for the Crown Princess? That's right. Do you know why our household is loud right now? They say father will become the Crown Prince's father in law. That rumor has already spread, and people are sending their gifts already. If father is to become the Crown Prince's father-in-law... Doesn't that mean either you or I will become the Crown Princess? Who do you think is going to become the Crown Princess? Come on now. Don't you think that it would of course be you? My sister becoming the Princess... just the thought of it alone makes me happy. Thanks to you, I guess I'll be able to take a tour of the palace. Boo Yong. If I become the Crown Princess, I'm going to call you to the palace every day, and feed you delicious food, and dress you in fine clothes. I wonder what the Crown Prince looks like? You two probably have heard it already and know about it. There will be a request for a meeting with one of you for the seat of The Crown Princess. Until you are called to the palace, you have to be careful about even how you drink a sip of water. And be careful even about the steps that you take. Becoming a Crown Princess, means that the fate of our household is at stake. Please remember that. As for the entry of the eligible girl.... know that I will be sending the younger daughter, Boo Yong. Husband... did you just say, the younger daughter? That's right. Our little daughter, Boo Yong will be sent as the one to meet the Crown Prince. Father. Hwa Yong, you listen well. Yes, Father. You're going to have to help your sister for her entry. Do you understand? Yes, Father. Park Ha. Oh my...you must be Park Ha. Park Ha. You need to say hello. Hello. You're... Se Na? Yes. Mom. Order me that ice cream too. Okay, okay. Excuse me. Um... Park Ha. We're all...going to be living together now. This is Se-Na. You can call her older sister. Did I or did I not tell you to take good care of her while Mom and Dad were at work? It's a relief the house didn't get caught on fire. Why were you trying to make ramen by yourself when you're so little? If you touch that stove again, you're going to be in big trouble! I told you to take good care of her. Is this your sister? Open the bag. What did my sister do? I told you to open the bag! I don't want to! Why? -Why you little... -I told you, I don't want to! -Stand still. -I said, you can't. Hey. What is all this? I asked what all this is? ! I don't know, Se Na. I don't know. Did you steal all this? Are you a thief? -Tell me! Are you a thief? ! -I don't know. I'm not... -Why did you steal this? -I don't know... You brat... are you going to steal again, or not? Why are you stealing? I'll go and get you some milk. You just wait here. Se Na! Se Na! Se Na! Se Na! Se Na! Se Na! Look over here! Se Na! Se Na! Over here! Look over here! Over here! Se Na! Se Na! Se Na! Look over here! No...try that outfit on her. And try those other shoes on her. As for the ribbon...which ribbon do you think will be better, Hwa Yong? A ribbon... I think this one will be good, Mother. No. Let's see here... That's right, Hwa Yong. You know that ribbon you got as a gift last fall from the Song's? I think that will match very well. Hwa Yong, hurry up and get that ribbon. Mother, that's Hwa Yong's ribbon. What we have here is more than enough. No, Crown Princess. The Crown Prince wants his Princess to be very beautiful. You have to look beautiful. Hwa Yong. Hwa Yong, I'm coming in. Okay. Come in. Hwa Yong, let's have some dried persimmons. I heard that the outfit you're going to wear has been chosen. I'm doing this because I wanted to iron it for you with my own hands. Thank you, Hwa Yong. Earlier today...you were upset because of the ribbon, right? It's not like that. I'm fine. Hwa Yong... Tomorrow is the day for you to be admitted, right? I guess the day is here already. Hwa Yong... There aren't many days left now until we have to part ways. I'm so sad, I don't know what to do. Just like we talked about before, I'll call you over to the Palace every day. Let's eat delicious things together, and share all the good things together. Hwa Yong, let's eat some of this dried persimmons while we talk. No, you eat it first. -No, you eat it first. -I told you to eat it first! What did you say? How could something like this have happened? Just what have you been doing? The scar on our little daughter's face is going to remain there forever. What are we going to do about this, husband? What do we do? Be quiet! Bring me the entry box. We need to enter our older daughter, Hwa Yong instead. Even the butterfly was fooled. How outstanding our Crown Princess's embroidery skills must be, for the butterfly to think that it's a real flower. It looks like the butterfly is really going to come to life and fly away. There's no way to stop this exquisiteness. Mok-Dan-Hom-Lo-Jin-Ju - Gwa. If a flower drinks in the pearly dew, Mi-In-Jul-Deuk-Chan-Jun-Gwa. The bride picks the flower and pass by the window. Princess. You have to give me a reply. Han-Soo-Mun-Dal-Lam Hwa-Gwa-Cham-Mo-Gam. With a slight smile on the face, she asks her husband. Is the flower pretty, or am I more pretty? Is that my sister-in-law's response? Dan-Lam-Go-Sang-He, Kang-Do-Hwa-Ji Ho. As the groom jokes with the pearl, he replies the flower is prettier than you. Mi-In-to-Hwa-Seul, Dop-Hwa-Ha-Ji Do. The bride got annoyed with the reply that the flower was prettier, so she stomps the flower with her foot. Hwa-Ya-Seu-Nop-Chuk. If the flower is prettier than me, Geum-So-Hwa Dong-Sook. you can sleep with the flower tonight. How can you who's not even a scholar know all these phrases? I beg your pardon, Your Highness. I must not know my place. Please forgive me. It's a joke, a joke. I enjoy teasing you. Your Highness. I'm curious to see which flowers have bloomed. Oh, is that right? Lead the way to the garden. Your highness. -That flower over there... -Boo Yong. I've come up with another riddle. You definitely won't be able to solve it so easily this time. If you bring me an answer within two days, I'm going to give you a big reward. You understand, Boo Yong? Yes, Your Highness. What dies even when it's living, and lives even when it's dead? Dies even when it's living, and lives even when it's dead... Do you think you know what the riddle is? I don't think I know. I doubt you'll know. You don't know. Listen to what I have to say. Make sure no one talks about the Princess. Without even a single point of doubt, protect the Princess. Yes, Your Highness. Both of you, listen to me closely. From now on, They are by the temple the Princess was found dead at last night. Not a single person can trespass it. So warn and alert everyone. -Yes, Your Highness! -Yes, Your Highness! No one can touch even a single glass or a cup within the walls of this palace. So send out the alert. -Yes, Your Highness. -Yes, Your Highness. How dare they. Within this country's Royal Palace, someone took the Crown Princess' life... I will without a doubt... find the criminal that murdered the Crown Princess. And then... I'm going to tear that person's body to bits and pieces. And in case there was someone who helped that criminal! I'm going to cut out that person's life. Tomatoes and oranges for sale! Hey! Thieves! Stop right there! Or I'm going to kick your ass! You're dead. Oh my God! Oh no! I'm so sorry! -Tae Yong, you okay? -Are you okay? By any chance...are you Korean? Ah, yes. He's going to be fine. I'm sorry. But by the way...over there. Hey, you brats! You're stealing again? Stop right there! You okay, Tae Yong? Why are you so late? It took me two hours to get through the airport. As if some kind of an accident happened. Grandma's doing well, right? As long as you don't upset her. Hi Mark. Earlier...the one who hit you... Miss Apple? Wait... Do you know her? No. I saw her and thought she was pretty. Wow...this is the first time I've heard you say a girl is pretty. -Hey Zoe. -Hi. You have the day of tomorrow, right? Do you want to go catch a movie? Yeah...but I changed my schedule with Barry. So I'm taking the following day off. -That's too bad. Next time, then. Bye. -Take care. Thanks. Bye. -Thanks. -Not bad. -Thanks. -Thank you. Tae Yong. I heard that the Miss Apple has the day off the day after tomorrow. Ask her out on a date. How did you find that out? That's why I'm a pro. You said she was pretty... ask her out on a date. Hey...she's coming. She's coming. I've chartered a yacht to go out tomorrow to sketch. You want to come with? Yes, yes. I can hear you better now. I'm sorry. Please go ahead. Excuse me? Are you serious? There's no doubt? I'm going to Korea. I'm going to Korea! Did you find your lost father? Yes, that's right! I found my father. I just got a call from Korea! -Oh my God! Oh my God! -Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm happy! Tae Yong. Grandma's calling. Don't answer it. I'll call her back later. Hey, but you should answer. I told you not to answer it. This time...she told me to make sure to bring you back to Seoul. Just tell Grandma that you couldn't find me. Your Grandma... I guess I should call her the Chairman. I think the chairman has decided to step down from the company now. Why does she want me back when I don't even know anything? When it comes to the company, uncle is there... and she has you too. The company is your affair, not mine...or father's. Why are you being like this? We're all family. I told you I don't want to talk about that. You and I... are half cousins. I only have a 50% right to be your older cousin. -Tae Moo. -Chairman...is your grandmother. She's not my grandmother. I can't call her Grandmother. I have never even called her that. My father...was discarded by the chairman, and has always been a thorn on the side. Because my father is the child of her husband's affair. That's why the company... is your family affair! Why are you seriously being like this? You're being a bore! You don't need to say things like that. If you don't want me to talk about this stuff, get on the plane and take it for 14 hours. So I don't have to do this kind of an errand! Stop it, Tae Moo! Tae Yong! Tae Yong! Thank you. What are you doing? -I'll take a picture. -No, I'll take a picture of you. Forget it. Tae Moo. Tae Moo. Did you have a nice trip? Why are you being like this all of a sudden? Just... Stay like this for a bit. What? Missing? Mother! What's wrong? -Wake up! Mother! -Mother. Have a seat over here. He's missing? Our Tae Yong is missing... what does that mean? Missing? Chairman. It's too early to say he's missing. You said it with your mouth right now that he's missing, Tae Moon. Mother, that is... It's because my son hasn't seen Tae Yong even though he was in New York for five days. He couldn't reach him, that's why he said that. That's why he said it would be good to contact the New York Police. Tae Moo. Didn't you go to New York after you spoke to Tae Yong? Yes sir, I did. But... Tae Yong didn't show up at the place we were going to meet. The phone was turned off, and he didn't come home. There weren't any friends who knew about his whereabouts. What do we do about this? Nothing bad happened to our Tae Yong, right? Chairman. I'll send someone to America. We have to entrust a specialist with something like this. Okay. Do that. Get on it right away! Yes, Chairman. Are you Miss Park Ha who came from America? Yes, that's right. - Hello. - Hello. Your DNA test results does prove that he is your father. Yes. Where is my father right now? Well...the thing is... Even though we did contact you in America, we still can't contact the parents. You still can't make contact? No, the thing is... By any chance...does my father not want to meet with me? I did hear that when the chance to meet comes, they tend to avoid it... Is that how he is? I'm sure that's not it. He even registered you in the missing child database to find you. I'm sure he would've wanted to see you. But... Right now... What about..right now? Father... Where have you been? You're the resident, you brat. Where have you been all day? Do you want to be called a bad child? I told you there was an urgent matter. You're that dedicated to work... but aren't your colleagues even going to come by to pay their respects? My last name is Hong, and dad's last name is Park. Why would I want to advertise that at work? Why would you want to advertise all our family business? Oh my...someone's going to hear you. Who is she...to cry like that? My goodness... Who is it? Mom. I said who is that? You can't recognize her either, right? That's Park Ha. It fits you well. We're not in any situation to be happy about being reunited after 15 years. For right now, let's take care of the funeral and talk more in detail afterwards. Yes. But... You really don't remember anything? You were about 9 years old then... At 9 years old, kids usually know their dad's name and the home address. How could you not have searched for your dad? Can you see the scar right here? They said it was a pretty big scar, but it's gotten a lot smaller now. They said it was a car accident. All I remember is being at the hospital for a really long time. Oh my...so there was an accident. But where did you get into an accident? Se Na. When she went missing, her father and I really thought of so many different things. But we couldn't find her because she was in a car accident. Is this the time for you to be talking about that right now? Right... I think people from the market came to pay their respects. Hey...take food out to the guests that are arriving. and organize the shoes, okay? There's always a shortage of hands because we have no family members. You really don't remember? I used to play with you a lot when you were little. When my mom and your dad would go out to the market to work, I used to take care of you at home. I don't remember it at all. Really? Okay. She doesn't even have a good memory. There's no need, Your Highness. A murder. Who would dare murder the Crown Princess within the Palace walls? Officer Jwa. If it wasn't murder, just what other reason would there be that the Crown Princess' body was found drowned to death? It's murder without a doubt! For what reason would someone murder the Crown Princess? There would be no reason for that. We need to find out that reason. You know well yourself. Whenever the Crown Princess can't fall asleep at night, she would go for a night walk to the pond. Without a doubt... She stumbled on something and fell and drowned in the pond. Please don't allow the Crown Princess to become the subject of gossip anymore, Your Highness. Please let this go, Your Highness. I cannot allow this! If she took a walk to the pond in the middle of the night, I'm sure she would've had her attendants with her. If she fell into the pond, then how was it she wasn't saved? Chief of Police, Hong Nak Hyun entering. You may enter. Your Highness. The attendant that was with the Crown Princess last night, we have apprehended her from her hiding place. Brother-in-law. What did she say? Yes, Your Highness. The Crown Princess couldn't fall asleep last night. She was looking at the pond while on her walk, The attendant came back after looking around the scenery for a bit. But it was after the Crown Princess has already drowned. This palace attendant was full of fear. She ran away from the palace. She might as well have killed her. Your Highness. I beg your pardon, but the palace attendant... has already died. How? How did she die? She tried to flee when we were bringing her back after capturing her, and she was slain by the palace capturer. She's only received the punishment that she deserved, Your Highness. However, After speaking to all the Palace officials, I feel that this will just start trouble and bring a political uprising, Your Highness. Please do not start any uprising, Your Highness. Do it. We are grateful, Your Highness. Song Man Bo. 22 years old. Because he was born illegitimately, even though he was brilliant, he wasn't able to hold an official position. Since his path has been blocked, he disregarded everything and lived the careless life of a playboy. Fortune telling, achyranthes, astronomy, geography, mechanics. There's nothing you don't know. And there's nothing that gets by you. Is that right? Although I'm honored... I'm just a humble citizen. Last year, you investigated the murder case in Pyongyang of the 3 victims, and you captured the killer. Is that right? There was an incident like that, Your Highness. There is another murder case. Woo Yong Sul. He found and killed the man who killed his mother and defiled his sister. He killed 7 men who were protecting that killer all with a single blow with his sword. For what purpose did you learn your swordsman skills? To protect the people and this country. I will soon be the country. Can you protect me? Do Chi San. Even though he entered the palace at a young age as a eunuch, he was kicked out for being too flirty with the palace ladies. He knows the happenings of men and women, so not only does he know of everyone's business. He's known as the best ginseng in Joseon. There's nothing he doesn't know when it comes to what's going on in the palace, or within the private walls of high officials. What are the rumors going around? Did the Crown Princess accidentally drown in the pond, or was she murdered? Did she stumble? Or is it murder? Song Mon Bo. You are officially hired as the Royal Librarian. Do Chi San. You are officially hired as the Palace eunuch. Do Yong Sul. You are officially hired as the royal body guard to the Crown Prince. That night... The Princess and I sat and chat around a drink table. Today was a really nice day. There wasn't anything different about that day. I talked to the Princess about the difficulties of what a being a scholar is like. Ah, before that, our sister-in-law came in to visit us. She said she solved the riddle that I have given her. So she came to see us even though the sun has already set for the evening. What brings you here in the middle of the night? Your Highness. I have solved the riddle. Ah, really? What is your answer? My sister-in-law solved the riddle. After my sister-in-law had left, I fell asleep after having another drink. When I opened my eyes in the middle of the night, the Princess was nowhere to be seen. Your Highness. Okay...what happened? Your Highness. I'm sorry to say this, but if the Princess has ingested any poison, she could still haved wakled from her chambers to the pond. It takes the length of that walk for the poison to spread all over the body. After she arrives, she would have fallen into the water since the poison overtakes the body. Your Highness. I went on a search to find the person that was responsible for making the poison. Even though I found the one that have made the poison, he had already been killed. The poison he normally deals with is arsenic. Arsenic, you say? White poisonous powder. Your Highness. It's the dried persimmon. It's the dried persimmon that was on the drink table that night. The white powder that's on the dried persimmon, and the white arsenic powder can't be distinguished apart by the naked eye. You're saying the poison was sprinkled on the dried persimmon? Your Highness! Your Highness! -Your Highness! What is it? Hurry up and tell me what it is! What I heard was that she was poisoned. I heard the Crown Princess didn't just die. I heard something about her being poisoned. Your Highness. There is a witness who saw the Crown Princess that night. What did you say? Who is it? Who is that person? I have found out where he dwells. Where is it? Let's go. Let's go to where he is immediately! Are you sure this is the place? Yes, Your Highness. He said for sure that this was the place. Your Highness! Your Highness! Hey, Park Ha. Yes, Mother. Don't you think it's pretty impressive that you have your own store in two years of coming back to Korea? The store is the size of my fingernail. I'm going to borrow all the money needed to get the business outfitted. Oh my...my Se Na borrows money to buy shoes and purses. Can't you just rest since your arm and leg are broken? Do you really have to work? You scared me. If you came, you should've announced that you were here. Hey. Have you done anything to help when my arm and leg got broken? You haven't done a thing, but you keep sticking your nose in. Se Na. If you're busy, you could've called. I could've taken mother home. What the heck...then you should've called me. Hurry up Mom, I'm tired. I'm going to bed as soon as I take you home. I heard you, you brat. Park Ha. Finish cleaning up nicely, and go home to get some rest. Yes. Come over here, and help me up! -Get some rest, Mother. Bye Se Na. -Okay. Hold it right! Who are you guys? Who are you guys? What are you doing here? Subtitles by DramaFever How are we going to bear living 300 years into our future? Where is this place? What are we doing here? You there. If you're all done with work, hurry up and leave. What are all those lights? Are you guys crazy? Don¡ �t you think this place is nicer to live than in Joseon? You can't come here. Thank you, your highness. -Tae Yong. -What? He's alive? She's going to bring him back home. Princess! Its' me, Princess. Princess! I will be take this rooftop room as my chambers, just know that. Brought to you by WITH S2 Written In The Heavens Subbing Squad Crown Princess! Crown Princess! - Crown Princess. Crown Princess! - Why isn't anyone stopping him? Crown Princess! Crown Princess. Let go. Get your hands off me! Crown Princess! Crown Princess! Crown Princess! Crown Princess! Crown Princess! Crown Princess! Crown Princess! Crown Princess. Bak Ha's Fruit and Vegetables Ahjussi, please make sure it's nailed in tight. Yes. Don't worry. Thank you. - Hello, President. - Ah, yes. Miss, you got things ready really quickly by yourself. All thanks to you. Thank you for letting me get the store ready before I put the deposit down in full. I treated you specially, so keep that in mind! Yes, President. Please take a seat over here. We have to complete the contract and give you the rest of the deposit. Where is it? Where is it? What's wrong? Where's it? What's wrong? Did the money disappear? The check is gone. A check for 40 million won. I definitely put it in this envelope. I never took it out of the envelope. I didn't put it into my wallet. I put it into my bag just as I received it from the bank in the envelope. I wore my bag all day like this. There's no way the check could have disappeared! Just! I'm sorry, but just a moment. Bak Ha Bak Ha Your call could not be connected. You will be transferred to voicemail... President. You're not ready to pay the deposit? President, I'm really sorry. But, tomorrow... but can't I give you the deposit tomorrow? If I give you this much freedom, you should be on time with the payment. I'm really sorry, President. By tomorrow morning, I'll definitely make the deposit. Please give me until tomorrow morning. I'm begging you, President. I don't want to do this, but let's cancel the contract. Empty the store in an hour. Wait, President! I'm sorry. Just give me one more chance, please? I'll deposit the money into your account. I'm begging you. Take your sign down and empty the store. I'll send someone over to lock up the store. President! President! Maiden Bak Ha. Sweet strawberries 50 percent discount Crown Princess! Crown... Crown Princess! Crown Princess! Omigosh! How did that happen! You should have been more alert! Since I put a stop on the check, I can get the money back. But still, you have to go to court and to the bank, and it will take three to four months, won't it? Yes. That's what they said. Mother. Can't you help me get 40 million won by tomorrow morning? I can get the money from the banks within four months. How am I going to get 40 million won out of the blue? That's beyond my capability. Mother, if I don't deposit the rest by tomorrow morning, I'll lose all my deposit money, and have to pay back the money I borrowed from the marketplace. I'll die, Mother. Please help me. What are you doing now? Se Na, when did you get here? Let's talk. I have something to talk to Mother about. That's what I want to talk to you about. Go with her. Who knows? Maybe she has something to say that will help you. Do you remember what I told you a few days ago? I told you not to reach out to my mom when you're in trouble. I remember, and I'm sorry. But I'm desperate so I told Mother. Did you try to understand why I would say that to you, or did you just not want to listen to me? What is it that you want to say to me now? You didn't understand me. Unni, if you're not going to help me, then I'll get going. I'm sorry. I'll give you the money. Sit down. I'll give you the money you need. But you'll have to listen to my request. - Request? - With the money I give you, straighten out your life here and go back to America. Go to America? I'm saying, let's return to two years ago. Let's go back to when we didn't know about each other. Don't you think that would be good? Unni. Can't you help me just this one time? I've told you my request. If you want me to help, then give me your answer by tomorrow. Oh, right! When you finish, wait for me here. I'll come get you. For dinner, you have promised to make me omurice. You waited a long time, right? I'm sorry for being late. I'm sorry. Your clothes are all wet too. Let's go. What have you been doing that you come this late? ! Something urgent came up. And your promise to me is not urgent? Are you saying that you can simply forget our promise? Tell me. What exactly was so urgent? Forget it. I'm sorry. Let's go. You don't even see me. I can't see anything right now! Coming here to get you was hard enough. So stop it already! You lowly peasant. Oh. Now I see. All you care about is money. After opening that produce store, you've gone crazy about making money. So you threw away your promise to come get me! Why else would I call you a lowly peasant? ! Why do you keep talking without thinking? What do you know, to be saying such things? Since you're someone who breaks promises, even if you start a business, it will never prosper! Your business will undoubtedly fail! You really have no manners. You have no shame and you're awful to the core. Before, you lived saying anything you wanted. But now, you can't do anything and you're nothing. You're the one who's a fool and a lowly worthless peasant! You wench! Shut your mouth! Your Highness. Where have you been all this time? Crown Princess! Crown Princess! Where have you been all this time? I have been here faithfully waiting for you to return. Do you know how hard I have searched for you? Crown Princess! Never leave again! Your Highness. People might be watching. Let them see. Yes, President. Right now? How many boxes? Yes, I'm on my way right now. What are you doing here? Load the boxes onto the truck right now! - Take your hands off me! - I said let's go! If you ate food, you should work to pay it off! - Crown Princess! Crown Princess! - I said let's go! What an unpropitious dream. Look here, Maiden Bak Ha. The Crown Prince is hungry. Bring out warm omurice on a tray... Where goes she without giving us breakfast? Let her go. Can we not eat without her? Your Highness. I'll venture out and catch a dog, cow, pig, chicken, or anything I may lay my hands on. Woo Yong. Before using your body, try thinking first. When you go outside, there's nothing but people out there. Right. What then would you like to eat, Man Bo? Your Highness, forgive me. But at the bottom of the hill, at the convenience store, a bowl of instant ramen. Buy me a bowl of instant ramen. I... have not any money. - Amy! - Bak Ha. - How have you been? - I'm so happy to see you. Congratulations on your wedding, Amy! Thank you. This is my husband, David. Hi David. Hello. Nice to meet you. - Congratulations. - Thank you. It's great to finally meet you. Amy's told me so much about you. Here. This is my wedding gift. Oh, wow! Let's see. Wow. This is beautiful. - Thank you. - You're welcome. What are you doing? Are your butts stuck on the floor? You are so loud. Why such a rush to perambulate Seoul so early in the morning? At this rate, we'll be late for the part-time... We said we did not want to, did not want to. But Becky kept insisting we go. Since you got wet in the rain yesterday, you must not be feeling well. Please stay in the rooftop room and recover your health today. Your Highness. Your servants will be back. Because of your good looks, our revenues will go up. I will do my best. Americano, iced café latte, two regular caramel macchiato with extra shots, please. Do I look stupid to you? You have to pay with money. I will turn this black color to white. You brought this. Last month, I quit the pub, where we used to work. I brought you the tin box from your locker. Aww. Thanks, Amy. So, how was your honeymoon? What do you mean? Because Bak Ha's business failed, you went out to earn money? Was not yesterday the first day of business? She lost the money for the contract. So before she could get started, her business failed. What a fool. Your business will undoubtedly fail! Why do you keep talking without thinking? What do you know, to be saying such things? Because your owner is ruined, you're crying too. Oppas. Since you're in Korea, everything must be quick. If your butt is heavy, you're going to starve! Let's hurry and go. Your Highness, we will be back. You seem fine, but you don't use your body? I heard you don't do manual labor. She cried all night. Go and comfort her. I'm sorry, Amy. I should've shown you around Seoul and taken you to nice places. I'm so sorry. Never mind. You don't look good. What happened? Are you okay? I'm okay. Don't worry, it's nothing. I'm just stressed out from work. Well Amy. You enjoy the rest of your vacation, and call me before you go back to America. Okay? Bak Ha. Remember what I told you a while ago? I really mean it. Think about it. Yeah, okay. Have fun! - See you. - Bye-bye. I'll give you the money you need, but you'll have to listen to my request. Request? With the money I give you, straighten out your life here and go back to America. America? You want me to go to America? We're going to open a restaurant in New York! Bak Ha, come work with us! Bak Ha, come to New York! We can work happily together, as before. Becky! I found a good spot. Hurry up! It's hard to make a living. I'll go over there and get changed. Put your masks on. Even if I put this on, do I need to dance in front of people? You can't just dance. You have to dance like you're crazy! That's the only way to draw people's attention and bring them to our store. But this is so humiliating... We're covering our faces, so why are you worried? Let's hurry and put them on. Oh! Keep this in mind! Once you put your costume on, you're no longer a person. You mustn't talk. I'm a dog. I'm a cat. I'm a rabbit. Okay? Even if people talk to you, you can't answer them, okay? Let's go. Okay, I get it. Go ahead. Awful wench. Strawberries. Strawberries. Come and taste our strawberries. It's free to taste, and it's fresh on top of that. They're fresh so come and taste them! Strawberries. Strawberries. Come and taste... Hey dog! Rabbit! Cat! Do it correctly! Becky taught you. Sexy. Cute. Bigger actions! That's right. That's right. More. More. Okay. More. Strawberries. Strawberries. Come and taste our strawberries. Try the strawberries! Becky. These oppas are completely tree trunks! I'm dying of frustration here! At this rate, the business will fail. Show them what it's all about and tell them to follow you. Hurry! Strawberries. Strawberries. Come and taste our strawberries. Tae Moo. Did you cancel the model for today's wedding broadcast? Yes, Father. Because the model was canceled, Aunt Wang is throwing a fit right now! Tae Moo! How could you do this to me? ! How many times did I tell you it's my friend's son's agency, so be good to them! There was a better model, so there was nothing I could do. Aunt. Next time, at a better opportunity... Forget it! If you keep ignoring me, and keep this up, I'm really going to be lonely! Pyo Taek Soo Pyo Taek Soo Enjoy it. It's a special meal today. I was at a hot spring nearby so I stopped by. Two years here is enough. So go back to Seoul, and beg Unni to reinstate you. No. Because I've caused too much damage to the company, I'm just, going to be a dog that keeps an eye on the company warehouse. There is where I belong. Company dog, dog, dog, dog, dog! I told you to get yourself reinstated! What! Do you think I like hot springs? I can go to my neighborhood sauna, why do have to come all the way here? Starting tomorrow, I'll be going to the sauna. Pyo Taek Soo, that man. I'm lonely. Let's go. Tonight's wedding broadcast is a new concept for us. And many people are focusing on us. Do you think it's okay to use amateur models? You're uneasy about it. Right, Mother? It would be good to get a professional model now, right? Grandmother. I'm confident about today's wedding broadcast, so don't worry. If we use a company employee, it will make it feel authentic. Anyway, who from our company, are you planning to dress up in a wedding dress? If it's Secretary Hong, I think she'll be great. Secretary Hong? Secretary Hong, put on a wedding dress tonight and get married. President, no I can't. Then, should I do it at my age? What is this? You didn't tell me anything about wearing a dress as a model. Tae Moo, what if someone sees us? Let them see. I'm the owner of this company. Whom need I watch out for? What do you mean you're the owner of this company? It'll be that way soon. Soon. Thank you. Enjoy the strawberries! Thank you. Enjoy the strawberries! Here you go. Enjoy. What is this? Can you do this without telling the owner? Oh, Bak Ha unni, you're here. Oh yes. Thank you. Unni! Look at this. We're almost done selling them. You're suffering a lot because of me. Ah, yes. Welcome. Have a taste. I haven't done anything. Becky did everything. Over there, the panda bear over there is Becky. I think she's really crazy. Yes, enjoy. Thank you! Oh Becky! Move, move! Becky! Becky, are you okay? Can you see this? Can you see? Are you okay, Becky? Are you okay? Becky! Becky! What are we to do? Are you okay? She must have passed out from exhaustion. Excuse me! Call for some help! I'll go to the administration office. Becky! Becky! Are you okay? Becky! Put Becky on my back. They're so handsome. They're so cool. Oh, so handsome. Follow me. Hurry. Hurry! They're handsome. They're handsome. Lay her down here. There. It looks like she collapsed because of exhaustion. We have to take her mask off and take the costume off of her. What are you doing? She's a woman. Becky is inside. How is she? Is she okay? Woo Yong. Tell Mimi we can stop selling, so tell her to pack up and leave. Oh. Becky, you're up and sitting. Are you okay? Why don't you take off the mask? Take off that mask and drink this water, okay? You should've taken it easy. Why did you go all out and pass out? Thanks, Becky. I'll never forget this. Two years ago, do you remember when we first met at the rooftop room? You'd just arrived in Korea, and I was unfamiliar with Korea, so we both had a hard time. We drank a lot of soju back then, right? From that time, I've been in debt to you. Becky. I am so sorry, I don't know what to do. I haven't repaid all my debt to you. But it looks like I'll be leaving soon. I... am leaving the rooftop. I've decided to leave the rooftop, and return to America. I'm sorry. Because I lost the check like an idiot and things turned out this way, I have no choice. Oh, and the four guys in the rooftop room... Please don't tell them what I just told you. When the time is right, I'll tell those guys. How did it go? Did you sell a lot of strawberries? Hey, you're mad because you wore the costume instead of me? I got a call saying I had work, so what was I supposed to do? It's hard for me to make a living too. Romantic Han River Wedding! A dream honeymoon in Hawaii! Home Shopping First Ever Outside Filming Please look over that. Not here, but over there. Move that over to the left a bit. On her wedding day, the bride is very busy. It's all thanks to you, Chief Director. Then, good luck. Come to the dressing room for a minute. That dress is just mediocre. It doesn't suit you. You called me here to tell me that? Look. Next time, will you wear the dress that I choose, and marry me? Tae Moo. When the event is over today, let's tell the elders about us. That's okay, right? Do as you want. Wait! Oh, no. This beautiful wedding hall, limousine, the best Hawaii five-day honeymoon. And the fact that we're selling this luxurious package on our home shopping channel. Isn't our Director Yong Tae Moon's vision brilliant? President? On top of that, instead of a studio taping, a live broadcast! Director Yong Tae Moo's vision is really amazing. Make sure there's not a single mistake from beginning to end. It is a chance to show the customers, that our home shopping has upgraded. - Yes. - Yes, President. Okay. Let's get into position. If you keep flipping it, it's not as delicious. Pork belly tastes best when it's cooked thoroughly. Now, now. I'm really thankful for today. And you guys were so cool. You worked really hard. You were totally cute. It was hard, right? Eat a lot. You were totally awesome. You guys are real men. - Now, cheers. Cheers. - Cheers. - Cheers. You would see a bunch of our students witnessing complete resolve in the face of an unbearable obstacle. They are invested. Scott, they're inspired. That's what we're supposed to do as teachers, right? Inspire. You can quit right now, and everything that we worked for will have been accomplished. You know, last night, Mollie said to me on the phone that you thought I was your hero. You're mine. Third and final round. I'll tell you what, the third round is going to be very interesting, 'cause I don't know what they said to Scott Voss in the corner, but he is fired up. DEAN: Ready? Ready? Fight! mike: Oh, look at that. Voss has earned the respect of Dietrich. Voss is slipping shots now, Mike. Look at this. mike: He looks really comfortable here in round three. Keep moving. Look to set it up. Counter that jab. (GRUNTlNG) JOE: Oh, Voss countered with a big left jab! mike: Oh, that hurt him. Flying knee by Voss! Oh! He's all over him! Dietrich reverses him here. Oh, he kicks him off! Voss is doing damage now. Follow up! Good job! Good job! Come on ! JOE: Oh! Big body shot! Oh, he's hurt again ! Great combination. Boom ! Boom ! Go! Pull the punch ! Honey, honey, should they be watching this? They're fine! Finish him ! Okay. Come on ! (GRUNTS) JOE: Dietrich is in trouble. Oh, now Voss is in trouble! Put him out of his misery! (GASPS) Oh, they are exchanging like Don Frye and Takayama! mike: Great work in the clinch. Come on ! Go, buddy! Go! Both men trying to finish this fight. Go hard ! Go, Scott! Go, go, go, go, go! JOE: Dietrich is hurt bad, Mike! He's got him up! (GRUNTlNG) mike: Voss on top. Voss is winning this round! Go! Nice! Go, go! Let's go! Dietrich is getting battered. This is crazy! This crowd is going nuts! mike: It is deafening in here! What a great flurry. Landing punches on Dietrich. Oh, no! Oh, triangle! niko: Okay, don't let go. Don't let go. Don't lose that grip, Scott. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! JOE: Oh, Voss is in trouble here, Mike! mike: This is not good for Scott Voss. Dietrich switches to an arm bar. Voss has got to defend. He's got to keep those hands clasped together. He can't let go of that grip. Don't lose that grip! Do not lose that grip! MARTY: Hold on tighter! No! niko: Stack him up! Oh, no, it's deep! niko: Come on, stack him up! Stack him up! Put that body weight on him ! Okay, Scott, get back to that grip! You know what to do! I showed you this! JOE: Oh, Voss is in a lot of trouble here. He may tap. (inaudible) JOE: Oh, this is crazy! He defends! Oh, he's got him up! (GRUNTlNG) (strained GRUNTlNG) (GRUNTS) (cheering) JOE: Oh, he's out! He's out! mike: It is all over! Yes! Yes! JOE: Scott Voss wins his UFC debut! mike: Scott Voss by knockout. (screaming excitedly) Yeah ! He did it! JOE: When you think about the dedication this guy has shown, the sacrifices and the risks he made, all for those kids, that guy is a hero. We won ! (cheering) Good job, man. Good job. Scott! Scott! (laughing) Scott! Scott! Scott! You were awesome. You won. Are you ready to kiss me now? 'Cause I'm ready. I am. One down. Go down one, this one. No, this one. One over. (CROWD cheering) (ORCHESTRAL music playing) MARTY: You are powerful ! is there anybody better? No! Thank you, Scott. Your donation was more than generous. It's going to keep our school in the black for quite some time. Hey, could I get that vacation day back? Not a chance. Didn't think so. Yeah. Don't you have a class? I do. I do. I'm going. Okay. Bye-bye. Congratulations. You are now citizens of the United States of America. (cheering) Yeah ! I citizen ! I citizen two times! (laughing) (whooping LAUGHTER) BELLA: Twisty! SCOTT: Twisty! niko: Twisty! MARTY: Twisty! miguel: Viva America! Viva America! (COUNTRY music playing) ♪ When I was 1 6 I knew everything ♪ Opportunity grew on trees ♪ I taste 'em, waste 'em ♪ And do it all again ♪ 1 0 feet tall, invincible ♪ I fell short on principle ♪ A rebellion, a hellion ♪ Yeah, that was me back then ♪ Burned by my mistakes ♪ A phoenix I rose from the flames ♪ Now I'm doin' it right I saw the light ♪ Sun came up in the middle of the night ♪ Been doin' it wrong for so long ♪ I sure oughta know what it finally feels like ♪ To be doin' it doin' it, doin' it, doin' it right ♪ When this fool came tumblin' down ♪ 1 80 degree turn around ♪ Revelation, salvation made me what I am ♪ Every day I fight the war ♪ And each day I'm winnin' more ♪ And I'm doin' it right I saw the light ♪ Sun came up in the middle of the night ♪ Been doin' it wrong for so long ♪ I sure oughta know what it finally feels like ♪ To be doin' it doin' it, doin' it, doin' it right ♪ Every now and then I'm tempted ♪ I don't jump the fences ♪ No, I keep doin' it right I saw the light ♪ Sun came up in the middle of the night ♪ Been doin' it wrong for so long ♪ I sure oughta know what it finally feels like ♪ To be doin' it doin' it, doin' it, doin' it right ♪ Doin' it right I saw the light ♪ Sun came up in the middle of the night ♪ Been doin' it wrong for so long ♪ I sure oughta know what it finally feels like ♪ To be doin' it doin' it, doin' it, doin' it right ♪ No. ♪ I said the joker is a wanted man ♪ ♪ He makes his way all across the land ♪ ♪ See him sifting through the sand ♪ ♪ He's always laughing in the midst of power ♪ ♪ Are we living in the final hour? ♪ Let's go. Come on. ♪ So we are not goin' home ♪ ♪ Can you see the joker flying over ♪ ♪ As she's standing in a field of clover ♪ ♪ Watching out every day ♪ ♪ I wonder what would happen if he took her away ♪ ♪ I said the joker is a wanted man ♪ ♪ He makes his way all across the land ♪ ♪ See him sifting through the sand ♪ ♪ So I'll tell you all the story 'bout the joker and the thief ♪ ♪ I said, I'll tell you all the story 'bout the joker and the thief ♪ ♪ I said, I'll tell you all about the joker and the thief in the night ♪ And that is how a baby antelope comes into the world. The window, obviously, would be... Hey, Principal Betcher. The window would be the birth canal, whereas the whole building, that... That's your mother right there. You're late, again. No, I was just... I was just giving a lesson. I warned you, if you were late one more time, I would dock you a vacation day. You were serious about that? Yeah, dead serious. Come on, pal. L was teacher of the year. That was 1 0 years ago. Feels like eight, though, right? You got bus duty today. Today, I can't, 'cause I, you know, I volunteer down at the youth center. Not true. Okay. Everybody, open up your books to whatever we were working on yesterday. Yesterday was Sunday. Just get to work, okay? Mr. Voss? Mr. Voss, our textbook says that the discovery of penicillin was the most important biological discovery of the 20th century. But I read online that this actually encourages more potent strains of infection. Yeah, that's some very advanced, college-y stuff. Look, if you're done with your work, just go sit down and draw on your desk like Martinez. But I want to know. Because if the textbook is wrong... Malia, the chances of you actually using anything you learn in this class, probably zero. And I don't know if you heard Mr. Betcher or not, but, technically, this is my vacation time now. So I'm going to shut her down for a few. No, no, no, not today. Not today. Come on. Bonus. Now, remember, please, listen to each other. Help each other. Inspire me. This never happened. We clear? Join in. Be together now. Here we go! Second violins, don't overpower the first violins. That's why you're called "second." I hear improvement coming in the door. Nice and subtle. And you're done. Thank you. Mr. Streb. Right, the quote of the day. I forgot the quote of the day. All right. I think I'm going to go with a rock star of philosophers, Friedrich Nietzsche. And he said... Dan, drumroll, please. "Without music, life would be a mistake." Nice. Who's going to practice? Who's going to... I don't believe one of you. Get out of here. You were great today. Mr. Voss. And what do I owe the pleasure of this visit? The music. I heard the music. Sounds great. Yeah. They really bring the heat, these kids, huh? Listen, I have a huge favor to ask. I have bus duty, and I was... Okay, hold that thought. I'm expecting this. This... See, the thing is, my Aunt Cora, she threw her hip out again. I'm so sorry. Yeah, it's nasty. It's a nasty hip-out thing. And these pins and rods, they're not even connected to anything, they're just loose. And I wouldn't just ask anybody, but I've seen how you are with the whole bus safety situation. You handle it like... I'm not going to... Yeah, I'm going to say it, you have a gift. And... is everything all right? You teach biology. You know the body. What are the chances of a 48-year-old woman being pregnant? Well, it depends what she looks like. I'm just kidding. That's more of a fertility question. My wife is pregnant. No one knows. It's still very early. Please, please keep this between you and me. Are you kidding me? That... It goes right in the vault. That is locked. Locked away. Wow. Thank you. Thank you. How old are you? Old. Congrats, right? I mean... Well, yeah. It's beautiful. I mean, my son is 22. He just finished college. I thought I was done writing checks. Yeah. I'm going to have a baby. Yeah. I'm going to have a baby. You went low. Okay. All right. Wow. And thanks for the bus duty, doing that. I really appreciate it. You want the vest on the chair or just go with the... I'm going to go with the desk. L'm just going to put it on the desk, okay? Baby! We're having a baby! Baby! Can we take our seats, people? Come on in. We're about to begin. Please take your seats. You believe this guy? All right, we're sitting. Plenty of seats. Come on in. How much food do you think is stuck in that beard? I don't know, but I can see corn from here. Yeah. You dip that beard in hot water, you got ramen. Hey, Bella. You know, I waited for you for like three hours. You waited? Where? The bowling alley. We had a date. No, we didn't. You asked me, and I said no. No, it went... I said, "lf you want to go, just say no, "and we'll both know it's code for yes." You didn't really go, did you? I did. I waited for two hours. You said three. Yeah, but, you know, actually, it's pretty hard to see your watch when you've been crying. Okay, giving you one last chance here. You've already given me 1 5 last chances, Scott. How about this? I swing by... No. 0 for 1 6. hello? Thank you, everyone. As several of you already know, Wilkinson High School has been operating at a budget deficit for several years. Assistant Principal Elkins and I have already conferred with your union to try to minimize the impact on the classrooms, but, unfortunately, I have to make some serious cuts. Starting immediately, we'll be freezing all supplies, and, unfortunately, we have to roll back to last year's pay scales. Joke's on him. I didn't get a raise this year anyway. Me, either. Also, despite best efforts, we are cutting all extracurricular activities, which includes the debate club, the music program, the annual senior class field trip... Excuse me? You're talking about cutting the music program? You're actually going to cut music? I'm sorry. We simply don't have the funds. No, wait a minute, Mr. Betcher. We're talking about Marty's job here. How about all the money we raised in the car wash or the silent auction? Miss Flores, after expenses, we only netted $750. It's a drop in the bucket. "Verbis defectis musica incipit." That's Latin for, "Music takes us where word cannot." I mean, what about the athletic program? Those football players, they get new jerseys every year. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you trying to equate your music program with the football team? Are you aware that the Booster Club alone accounts for one-third of our charitable donations? This is a budget question. And I just need a little bit of that budget. I've got 60 kids with dented instruments. Marty, what's your point? Music helps the kids with... With math. The kids... The kids don't raise money. This is about a budget. Well, I... I know how important... You don't know. Take a seat. Come on. Why don't you just take it easy on the guy? Excuse me? Let it go. Let it go. Just back off him, and let's move on already. Why don't you not tell me how to do my job? Okay, and then why don't you tell him the truth? This is how we got thrown out of softball. And what would that be? That you're cutting the music program so he loses tenure. That is ridiculous. You are wasting everyone's time. Really? You know what? You're wasting my time. Okay, how does a day without pay sound? Bring it. Really? That's how you show your power? You already docked me a vacation day. So... So that's what this is all about? The decision's been made. Yeah, well, every time you make a decision, you know what, you mess with somebody's life. You know what? You have just crossed the line. No, I'll tell you what's crossing the line, firing a man who's having a baby. They don't know that I'm talking about you necessarily. Congratulations. Stop looking at me. They know it's you now. He's having a baby. Scott, you're talking about a lot of money. Money the school just doesn't have. A lot of money? Really? How much could it possibly cost? $48,000. So, as I was saying, we have no choice but to make these cuts. Yeah, or raise the money. And who's going to do that? We will. Thank you. I couldn't sleep a wink last night. My mind was racing. And I bought you a coffee. And I spoke to Elkins, and he said we have to have the money in by the end of the school year, okay? But then I made some fliers, and I thought we would all meet... All the teachers at 5:00 this afternoon, and you can give us your game plan. Game plan? Yeah. I'm still kind of sorting through everything. That's great. So, what do you think about this? I thought I would start out talking about how important music really is, and then I would tell some stories. Like, did you know that Ravel liked to dress up like a lady? is that too risqué? You know, I think we should probably just wing it. Okay, but you know what? I have to thank you again. I was driving in this morning. I heard I Won't Back Down by Tom Petty, and I said, "Yes, that is a sign." Wow, are you solid. Okay. Okay. Okay. 5:00. What's going on? Where is everybody? Well, the meeting doesn't start till 5:00. It's 5:15. Well, then you're late, like everybody else. Where do you think they are? - Am I at the right place? - Yes. You are, absolutely. Thank you so much for coming, Miss Flores. Are you kidding me? Of course, Marty. You know what I'm going to do? I think I'm going to go round up the other teachers. They got to be somewhere. Maybe they thought it was in the cafeteria. I think I saw some people there. Yes. I'm going to try the cafeteria. I'm feeling good about this. There's no one in the cafeteria, is there? Just that janitor that talks to himself. I guess it was unrealistic to think that anybody would show up when everybody has their own problems. You showed up. You shut up. I said, "You showed up." L guess I'm unrealistic. But I got to say, it's really nice what you're doing for Marty. Well, we tried, you know. I mean, what are you going to do? What are you talking about? You can't give up on him now. He's so passionate about what he does. This school needs more people like him, not less. Yeah, no, no, I know, that's what... No, I'm saying that's what we got to do. We got to find a way to make this thing work, and we got to stick at it. So, what exactly is the plan? Well, first off, we got to get $48,000. That's a definite. Then we should probably help save Marty's job after that. Wow. I can see that you put a lot of thought into it. Well, how about this? How about we work out a plan, but we do it in a controlled area, which is my apartment, and we put up charts and... With the graphs and the colored pencils. But we have a plan, we go, "We got to get to here by then." Not a chance. Okay, you're making me work at this. I understand. I get it. What if I dunk this ball in that hoop, then you have dinner with me at my house Friday night? What do you say? You dunk a basketball? Please. Fine. Then take the bet. Deal. Where are you going? No, no, no, no, no. Come on, that's cheating. No, it's not. That's... No, that's not what I... Your dreams are about to come true. Nightmares. 0 for 17. L'll tell you, this chili is amazing, guy. It's got an incredible kick. Eight alarms, guy. Eight. You made this? Wait till you see what kind of dreams you have tonight. So, listen, you really have no extra work? I mean, power-washing, painting, anything. I'll take anything. No, no one's hiring right now. I had to lay off two guys myself. Bobby Denisi just lost his house. Eric, tell Mary Shannon to get off the freaking phone! Mary Shannon, get off the freaking phone! I could have done that! Well, then why didn't you? Man, she's so lazy. Yeah. I wish I could help you out, but... Buddy? What are you trying to accomplish here? I got it, okay? And where the heck is Peter? He was supposed to be in the tub 1 0 minutes ago! I don't know. Can't find him. Dad, can I watch The world's Deadliest Car Chases? How old are you? Five. Five. I don't know. What do you think? No. No. Sorry, buddy. Go upstairs, take a bath. Found him! ...425 degrees for about an hour and 1 5 minutes until it's just perfectly... Hey. If you need me to front you a couple hunnies, I can do that. I got some money stacked away that she don't know about. Look, I appreciate it, but I need a lot more than that. You know what we could do? We could bet a five-game parlay and take those winnings right to the Indian casino. Mom, Dad's betting again! All right, guess who's not getting a hamster. What about that citizenship class you used to teach at night? Nah, that was so brutal. I don't even know if they're hiring. No, no, you just relax, you know. I got all the kids, okay, Eric? Good, honey. I had a tough day. All right. I'm tired anyway. You, middle one, upstairs now. Hey, and stop putting Raisinets up your brother's nose, okay? Dad says it's funny. What are you doing? You're sitting there. You haven't taken a shower. You disgust me. Mission accomplished. Pig. Ostrich. Now, 1 0-car pileup. Okay, question number three, "Women such as Susan B. Anthony "fought for suffrage and were finally successful in 1920." What does "suffrage" mean? What's that? ...to accept the things I cannot change... Okay, you know what? That's the AA meeting next door. You know what, let's let them finish up the Serenity Prayer. ...accepting hardship as a pathway to peace. He will make all things right if I surrender to his will. That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy in the next. Living one day at a time... Right, one day at a time. Good for them. Okay, so "suffrage", what does it mean? Miguel. To be in pain? No. Okay, you know what, that's "suffering." "No, that's 'suffering." ' Okay, no, you know what? No, we're not repeating today, Muba. Thank you. Sorry. It's fine. We're just not doing it today. We're just gonna do it a couple times as a study aid. Sorry. It's okay, it's fine. No, "suffrage" is the right to do something. The right to not feel pain. No. Okay, look, we covered this for, like, 45 minutes. You guys remember Monday? You guys remember Monday? When we went over this for, like, 45... The whole class dedicated to this. You don't... "Suffrage" has nothing to do with pain. No pain. No pain, no gain? Okay, we're off track. We are definitely off track here. The right to vote? I'm sorry, you got something to say? Niko. But forget it. I'm sure it's wrong. Please, look, there are no wrong answers here, people. You know what? I'm gonna stop right there 'cause there are obviously a lot of wrong answers, but there are a couple wrong answers, but... lt's okay, there are. But let's give it a shot anyway. The right to vote? There you go. Okay? Yes! You know what, "suffrage" is the right to elect leaders. You understand, right, Miguel? I do, I do. Okay, good. Mr. Voss! Mr. Voss. Can I talk to you? Sure, what's up? I always try to be a good student. But when it comes to taking tests, I get all clenched in the tight spot. If I fail this citizenship test, they'll send me back to Holland. And things here are just starting to twist. I'm sorry, is that good? I don't even... Yeah, yeah. Twisting is good. So, I was wondering, is there any way you can give me a little extra help? Extra help? Yeah, you know what, I kind of got, like, a full plate right now. L can't, I'm sorry. Yeah. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Niko! I'll move some things around and maybe we can sit down later tonight, all right? You are the best! Thank you! Thank you very much! All right. You can stop that now. Yeah, all right. Yeah, we're good. We're good. There he is! Hey! How are you? Good. Thanks for doing this, buddy. Sure. Scott, meet Koen and Nard. Koen, Nard, this is Scott. Hey, guys. Close the door, before the ferret gets out. The ferret, the ferret. Okay, okay. Hang your coat right there. Okay. He has no weaknesses. He has incredible knockout power... Wow, you used to fight, huh? Yeah. Long time ago. Now I just teach Mixed Martial Arts at my gym. Should we study or... Yeah! Right after we watch UFC. Come on, sit down. Hi, again, everybody. I'm Mike Goldberg. Welcome once again to the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Since the first day he entered the Octagon, we knew Ken Dietrich was something special. My partner as always, Joe Rogan. Man, what an exciting matchup this is. Incredible matchup, you know, for a bunch of reasons. You hold for bets. Ken Dietrich, Brian Stann, here we go! Straight left by Dietrich. He's jumping all over Stann. He should just double-leg him, take him down. Did you ever fight? No, no, I wrestled in college. That guy's a wrestler. Wrestlers make great fighters. And Dietrich jumps all over him again. He's got the takedown! You called it! Ooh, twisty! Twisty! Twisty! Twisty. And he has that nasty shoulder-lock. And it is all over! Ken Dietrich, the Executioner! Sorry, Koen. He took his 1 0 grand and ran off like a Shetland pony! Ten grand... He made 1 0 grand for that fight? Yep. But he lost. Yeah, if he won, it would've been 50. Okay, next fight. Mixed Martial Arts? Do you even know how to do that? No. No, I do not. This is crazy. Look, I saw this UFC event last night, and the guy got paid 1 0 grand to fight, and he lost. I was a really good wrestler in college. I think I can do this. Do what? Lose. You cannot do this. Marty, look, we only have until the end of the school year to save your job. Come on! Night school. Great, yeah, between what I make there and what you make with your private lessons, we'll save the music program in 1 8 years. This is the best chance you got. Okay. Okay, if you're gonna lose, then I'm gonna help you lose. Deal? Deal. Let's do this. Let's lose. Unfortunately, today is gonna be my last day. But don't worry, next week, you're gonna be in great hands with a new teacher, and he's gonna be... But you are new? Yes, I am new. But this guy, he's even newer. Understand? So, you are not new? No, I am new, okay... I'm so confused. I don't... Okay, we're going off the rails again here. Okay, listen, everybody. Here's the point. Next week, I am not gonna be here. I will be gone. But I wanted to say to you guys good luck and... You know what? Welcome to America in advance. Yeah, that's how confident I am in you. Live the dream. Make it happen. So, thank you and good night. Okay? So, I'm citizen? Man, I can't believe you would quit on me like this. I'm citizen. You know how important this is to me. Niko, relax. I got it all worked out. But I need to ask you something. Okay! Here's the thing. I need money to save a friend's job, a lot of money. Okay, and as crazy as it sounds, I want to fight Mixed Martial Arts, but I need your help. I want you to train me. You're kidding? No, I can do this. You're too old! And on top of that, you have no experience. But there are guys that run marathons well into their 80s. Not when they're being punched in the face. Come on, you said it yourself, wrestlers make great fighters. And you know, when I was younger, I took judo. I mean, it was only for three and a half weeks. I had to stop cause my sensei got accepted into dental school. But he said I had wicked potential, man. There's no way you can fight. And that's the end of it. Okay, great. What time are we studying tonight? You just quit! Look, you don't want to train me, that's fine. But we started this thing and we're not gonna stop until you're a citizen, okay? Okay. You want to be a fighter? You start in the cage. There's a small-time show this weekend. I'll get you in. Wait a second, no. Fight right away? Shouldn't we train first? No! Trial by fire, baby! I'm a citizen. You made my dream come true. Miguel... I'm going to name my boy after you. His name is Sergio, but I'm going to switch it up. That's nice, Miguel. Let's slow things down a second, okay? And let's take a little walk and talk. Something wrong? Maybe. Come on, I got to do this. I know. Okay, okay. Okay, hold it for a minute. This is a terrible mattress. I'm feeling everything. This is ridiculous. I'm not gonna learn any of this stuff. I'm telling you, I'm just gonna wrestle. I'm gonna take it to the ground. It's my world. Your world? Your world is gonna be destroyed by people who know multiple disciplines. The fight's in two days. What am I gonna learn? It is what it is. I got it. I know exactly what you have to do. You're gonna beat your opponent before the match ever starts. You're gonna learn the ancient art of intimidation. You ever actually been in a fight? No. Well, none with a boy, anyway. But I know this is gonna work. Okay, so based on your limited experience fighting girls, how? Music. You're gonna be inspired by music. That's why all the gladiators entered the Colosseum with all that thundering music. Actually, they do that in the UFC. Exactly. And you're gonna follow in the footsteps of all those great warriors. Every one of them had a distinctive musical theme that put fear in the hearts of their opponents, which rendered them defeated even before their match began. I got it. You could enter with Pachelbel. No, I know what I'm doing. With Bach. I don't need that. It's gonna be... I have it. Don't... Mozart's 35th in D Major. Listen to me. I'm picking the song! Of course you are. Good evening, sir. This is Scott Voss. He's fighting tonight. Change behind the tarp. Yeah. We were just hoping that there would be some place private, you know, where he could have a modicum of privacy... No, no, no, I'm doing this for you. I appreciate it... It's embarrassing. Yes, it is. We're gonna move. We're gonna move. Okay. Thank you, sir. Wow. This place is unique. is that a chicken? This looks like a Civil War hospital. Lookie, look who showed up. You're not as smart as I thought you were. Look, I knew this wasn't gonna be the UFC, but I'm 80 % sure I saw a chick... I think it was a chicken. Was it a chicken? Chicken. It's 1 00 %... That's a chicken right there. Look at that, that's a farm chicken. They're filthy animal... is that even... ls it sanctioned here? Hey, this is bottom-level MMA. No, but I want to be clean. You ready? You better be, because you're next. You ready to do this? Yeah. Making his MMA debut... What are you doing? Don't you worry about it. ...from Hyde Park, Massachusetts, please welcome Scott Voss! Watch this. lntimidation! Yeah! Yeah! ♪ I see you smiling at me ♪ ♪ Well, it's all right lt's all right ♪ ♪ Boom! Here comes the boom! ♪ ♪ Ready or not Here comes the boys from the South ♪ ♪ Boom! Here comes the boom! ♪ ♪ Ready or not ♪ Yeah! Whoo! Get in the cage, you Vike geek! Whoo! ♪ Me and my crew We stay true, old school or new ♪ ♪ Many were called, but the chosen are few ♪ ♪ We rise to the top What you want? Just in case you forgot ♪ ♪ Rush the stage Grab my mike, show me what you got ♪ ♪ You didn't know Thought we was new on the scene ♪ ♪ Well, it's all right lt's all right ♪ Come on, guys, you ready? One second, okay? ♪ Boom! Here comes the boom! ♪ ♪ Ready or not Here comes the boys from the South ♪ ♪ Boom! Here comes the boom! ♪ ♪ Ready or not ♪ ♪ How you like me now? ♪ Ready? Ready? Fight! ♪ Boom! Here comes the boom! ♪ ♪ Ready or not Here comes the boys from the South ♪ ♪ Boom! Here comes the boom! ♪ ♪ Ready or not ♪ ♪ How you like me now? ♪ I like your hair up like that. Cute. But I know it could come down, too. It'd be all... I know, I'm just saying. is this the best plan you could come up with? Fighting in a cage? What kind of an example are you setting for these kids? Hold this. As much as I enjoyed teaching future Americans for eight bucks an hour, it wasn't getting the job done. You smell really good, by the way... Gee whiz, what's with the... You're like this. You're like that on me. Just put a Band-Aid on it. Come on, Scott. You and I both know this is crazy. What would I say to Marty? He'll understand. He saw you get knocked out cold. I wasn't out cold, all right? I was half in, half out. Mmm. Although I did see a unicorn. I was riding it. Please. Okay. I'll talk to him. Kiss? Want a kiss? Nothing? No. Hi, can I help you? You must be Mollie. Hi, I'm Scott Voss. I work with Marty. And I didn't see him after school, and I was wondering if he's around. No, he had a private lesson. But he should be home any minute. Here. Please, come in. Thanks so much. Yeah. You're welcome. It is such a mess. I am so embarrassed. Marty's instruments are everywhere. Let me pick up a couple things here. We're turning the music room into a nursery. I can't believe I just said that. I'm expecting. No one knows yet. Please, don't tell anyone. We're really... It's just too early right now. Say no more. Believe me, I didn't... What baby, right? I didn't even know, you know. That goes right in the vault, by the way, and it's like a, it's like a vault, locked down, Fort Knox or some sort of prison. Great. Thank you. Wow, does he play all these? No. He buys them off the Internet and garage sales, and he fixes them up for students who can't afford them. Man. Just sucks what's happening at school, doesn't it? What do you mean? What's happening at the school? He didn't tell you? No. ls there something wrong that's going on at the school? No, no, nothing bad at all. Last week, they installed a metal detector in the teachers' lounge, 'cause... Really? Yeah. Because a teacher had flashed a piece, you know? Yeah. So now it just takes long... You know, you can't get in and out anymore. What happened to your eye? I cut myself shaving. I was shaving my eyebrows. I do. On the weekends. I'm gonna get going... Well, is there a message I can give him for you? You know what? No. Thank you. Okay. Great. It was nice meeting you. Nice meeting you. Tell Betcher not to cut anything. We're saving Marty's job. That's 750. That's the first installment right there. Scott? Yeah? You know I'm on your side on this, right? Yeah. L played French horn in the marching band. I loved wearing that big hat, shiny white spats, the smell of the grass. Those were some good times. Okay. Excuse me, is there a Niko here? Fourth floor. And knee. And up. And knee. And up. And knee. And up. And knee. And up. Grab him and head-butt. Knee to the face, knee to the face and throw him back. Stomp. Victory dance! Victory dance! Run, run, run, run... Hey! No pain, no gain! Victory dance, victory dance... And stop! Worthy attack, everybody! That's right! Thank you! Thanks for coming, ladies and gentlemen. Scott! Hey. How you doing, buddy? I thought you said you owned an MMA gym. No, no, no, no. I said I taught MMA at a gym. Well, that wasn't MMA though, right? No, that was Disco Street Fighting. Don't worry, with you, we're gonna do the real stuff. That's what we're gonna try. Let's go. I have a spin class in an hour. Okay. Let's work on some takedown defense. I wrestled, I think I know how to stop a shot. Ding, ding, boom, boom, elbow, elbow, boom! Liver shot, bang, bang, bang! Knockout blow. You got the point. We need to keep you out of dangerous situations. Now, to escape the Rear-Naked Choke, you want to break the grip, pull the arm down and move to the side. Escape. No, don't squirm. That just helps me sink it in tighter. Arm bar. Escape. Escape! Wrong way, wrong way. Too late. Okay, you're vulnerable like a puppy. Yeah, that's 'cause I let you get into position. It's easy. I could do the same thing to you if I got you in a hold. Good point. Yeah. I'm out. I'm free. I'm bored. I'm late for my class. We're just gonna have to wing it. All right, ladies. Let's get those legs warmed up. Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the principals. First, from Jamaica, Queens, New York, here's Ragin' Rafael Romero! Romero! No helmet? Hey, it's okay to be afraid. Don't worry. Use it. Try to channel it into focus. That last knockout, never happened. Three migraines a week say you're wrong. Hey, you got to... You got to stop this. Why? Either dig in or call it a day. No, no, I'm loosening you up. No, you're not. You're rubbing me like you're putting on sunscreen. Get off! It is weird. Okay. I thought I was doing the right thing. And now, my friends, let's meet his opponent here at the pier. This young man is from Boston, Massachusetts. He has a record of zero victories and one defeat by knockout. MMA fans, here he is. Let's hear it for Scott Voss! Here we go. Here we go. Okay, let's go. Come on. Let's go. You can do this. Block those knees, Scott! Block them! Block them! Pull him in close! Time-out! Time-out! What time-out? Time-out? There's no time-outs, guy. Come on, let's go. Put your hands up! Come on, defense! Wait! He kicked him in the bells! Ref, take a point! Would you come on? Man, are you okay? He just kicked my left nut into my throat. Where's my stool? What stool? You're in charge of the stool. We didn't have a stool last fight. I didn't make it out of the first round last fight. I'm a little confused about my job description. I'm a music teacher. I don't know the rules. I can't do this. What are you doing? You can't lay down. Get up. I'm exhausted. Yeah, that's exactly the message you're sending him. Hey, you can't lay down, man. Can you continue? He's fine. Hey, I'm talking to him. All right, let's go, fella. Get up, Scott. It's so soft down here. So soft. Okay, remember... Defense. All right, I heard you already. Next time, bring the stool. Okay, okay. All right, we're ready now? Come on, Scott. You ready? Let's do it! Come on! Defense! Watch out! Keep those hands up! Put your hands up! Hands up, man! Hands up! Yeah, he's not listening. Hello! I'm talking here! Watch out! Nice job! Okay, there you go. Pull him in close. Okay, that's right, push him away. Don't look at me. Look at him! Listen to me. You're giving him too much space. To take away his power, you have to keep it in a clinch. Got it? I'm trying. Defense. Stay strong, Scott. One more round. Okay, it's raining. It's over. No, it's not. This isn't baseball. You fight! This is stupid. Fighter, are you ready? Are you ready, chief? I got to be honest, I'm really not. I'm out. i'm out. Yeah, yeah, he's ready. It'll blow over. All right! Let's fight! Perfect. Jump on him! Jump on him! Use the fact that you're slippery now! Don't let him take you down. Okay, get away. Get away. Come on! Swim! Swim away, Scott! - Get over there! - Get over there! All right, pencils down, people. Let's go. Hand them in. Let's get them up. Let's go. Let's bring it in. Really? Really? You don't even... That's how you do it? Malia. Yeah? You missed, like, three answers here. Come on. What's going on? You're smarter than me. Hey, what's the... What's the matter? My father is making me quit music. What? But why? He said I have to work in his restaurant. I mean, he doesn't understand. When I moved here, I didn't know English. L had to learn everything all over again, you know? So I used songs and stuff to learn. Besides Filipino, the only language I knew was music. It helps me remember. If that makes sense. Malia, it makes perfect sense. I don't want to quit it. Then you got to tell him that. Look, you know what you do? You tell him your teacher won't let you quit. He thinks school is just a waste of time. But it's not. Come on, Mr. Voss. You said it yourself. Learning this stuff doesn't matter. I got to go. Okay, what are the three branches of government? Three branches? All right, three branches. Yeah. I got this. Don't tell me. Hey, you got to eat. You have an hour before the fight. Hey, you got my oatmeal? I do. The thing is that it's not here. It's in my classroom right next to my briefcase. Three branches... The legal, the... No, no, no, no, no, don't count that. Wait, wait, you forgot my oatmeal? Well, I brought the stool. I got to eat, man. Well, we can swing back. No. Hey, stop it. We don't have time now. You said branches, right? Yeah, three branches of government. What am I going to do here? I got to eat something. You know what? I have applesauce I made. You see it back there, Niko? It's on the back. Yeah, yeah, got it. Come on, three branches of government, buddy. Do not throw away that Tupperware. I'm not going to throw away the Tupperware, okay? is there cinnamon in this? No. Ooh! I got it. Democrat, Republican and Libertarian. Not even close. No! Okay, last fight was better. You lost, but you didn't get hurt. So, remember, the word of the day, defense. Close the gap, and if he shoots... Hips down. Keep your hips down. That's right. All right, here we go. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. They didn't come for us yet. Let me see what's going on. Hips down. - Yeah. - Nope. This isn't you. What do you mean, this isn't me? This is my song. This is him. Lt's his song. Hey, he's got the same song. ♪ ...but she was born in my town ♪ ♪ You didn't know Thought we was new on the scene ♪ ♪ Well, it's all right lt's all right ♪ ♪ I know you know I see you smilin' at me ♪ ♪ Well, it's all right lt's all right ♪ Boom! ♪ Here comes the boom! ♪ Wow. He's good. ♪ Boom! Here comes the boom! ♪ Whoo! I don't believe this. He stole my song. I bring the boom! Well, tonight, he's bringing the boom. Look, we both can't have the same song. Come on, we got to get ready, guys. No, no, you gotta get me another song. What? Go, please, go tell them to play another song. Get you another song. What? I need a song. I got it. Yeah? Congress, Senate and State. Okay, again, not close. All right, can we stick a pin in this, please? I know! I'm sorry, but we didn't study last night. I'm falling behind. What the heck is this? Holly Holy, Neil Diamond. Went platinum in 1 969. Who cares? Excuse me. I do. It got me through a very difficult time. It sounds like a revival. Yeah. Blue-eyed gospel. Extremely intricate genre. It picks up. Come on. Okay, we got to go. Let's go. ♪ Sing it strong ♪ ♪ Sing, sing, sing ♪ Yeah! All right, it's Scott! It's Scott. He's in the house! Yeah! Scott Voss! Hey! Hey! Whoo! Stand up! Scott, he's a killer! Everybody up! It's the Scott Man! Yeah. lt's happening! Yeah! He's going to kick 'em. He's fierce. Here we go! Yay! No, no! Defense! Come on, now! Come on, Scott! Don't grab the fence! I'm not even grabbing the fence! Keep your hands up! Tie him up! Come on, Scott! Keep your hands up! Come on, get up! Get up, get up, get up! Get up! Get up! Get up! Go! Defense! Now hit him! Fight it! Come on. Defense, buddy! Come on! Lock the elbows. Ten seconds, Scott. Ten seconds. Watch the Kimura. Watch the Kimura. Watch... That's illegal. It's legal. lt's legal. Sorry. Okay, watch it. Get out of it. Fight it. Fight it. All right, that's enough. Saved by the bell. Come on, come on. Let's go. Sit down. Just relax. Relax. My gosh. My shoulder. What are you doing? Stick to the game plan. I'm sick of the game plan, okay? I'm sick of defense. I... Listen to me. If you get caught, you're done. We have a lot more fights. Man. Tie this guy up. Protect yourself. Okay. Yeah. Are you ready? Are you ready? Fight! All right, Scott, this is your round! Get your hands up! Tie him up, Scott! Keep your hands up! Come on, close the gap, buddy! Come on, Scott. Tie him up! That just happened! That just happened! Yeah! Yeah! You did it! You! You the man! Yeah! Yeah! We won! Hey, man, great fight. I'm so sorry. Who leaves applesauce on the rear dash, out in the hot sun? You know, better question, who among us who isn't Amish makes their own applesauce? Yes. Yes. Mistakes were made. But... We won. - We did it. - Huh? We won. We won. Mmm-We did. Yeah. Yeah! We won. We won! We did it. It's unbelievable! Yeah! Careful, Niko! I'm sore! I'm sore! My God. Here he comes. Here he comes. Okay, everybody, just take your seats. Can you keep it down? Malia. Just come here. What's going on? You're famous. What? Everybody in the music department is talking about it. Mr. Streb told us that you were doing this for us. And I got to say, you're a hero. Hero? It's not sprained. It's just a bruise. Good, 'cause I gotta fight tomorrow. I'm going to have to start charging you. So, how much money have you made so far? Three grand. I'm definitely going to have to start charging you. Speaking of which... What's this? $72 from my bake sale. I had to do something. This is amazing. Thank you. I got to give it to you. It's been a long time since I felt any kind of energy in this school. Yeah? Yeah. I don't understand how we got so far off track. We? It's not our fault. It's the system. Go easy. So it's the system that's creating teachers who just don't care. Come on. You know the deal. You can't speed up to help the gifted kids. You can't slow down to help the slower ones. It's about moving cattle through, you know? It's a numbers game. That's what they want, but what about you? Yeah, look, there was a time I couldn't wait for the school year to start. I was like a... A freshman decorating my dorm. You know, I'd put posters up all over the place and I'd set up these plastic models. No, you didn't. I did! I would jump up on the desk just to get the kids into it. It was so stupid. No, it's not. I think I would have liked you better when you were that stupid. All right, well, look, I need to repay you for all this right here, and I think this equals dinner at my house on Friday. No, I don't think so. Why do you always turn me down? Do you know there's a lunch lady who's got the hots for me? And I'm just telling you, I can only hold her off for so long. Do you even know that every time you've asked me out, you've done it from a seated position? You don't even make an effort to get up. That's because we're so comfortable together. I think, when it's easy, it's right, you know? Good-bye, Scott. All right. How about a little jambalaya? What do you think? I get nothing? All right. Okay, push now. Blocking fast, like, lower. Here, over here. That's good. See? There. Little lower. Just block lower, man. All right, hey. All right, come on, man. This is still defense. I want to start working on my offense. It's too dangerous. I won! You landed a lucky shot. All right, look. I know you don't want me getting hurt. I get that. But I made twice as much money my last fight. I don't think my body can take 30 more fights. Yeah. I'm just saying, if I could actually win a few more, I could fight less. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Okay. Well, then you need to get good at striking. Fast. Yes. I know the best guy for that, but... He probably won't take you. This isn't you learning anything. This isn't me teaching you anything. This is me seeing if you're worth my time. is it hot in here? I cranked the heat to 90. This way, you get a nice sweat going. You good with that? Yeah, no. Really brings out the smell of the place. Yeah. Good. Which guy am I fighting? Both. Come on, I can't fight two guys. That's perfect. I can't train a 42-year-old biology teacher. Your boy is good, but he's got no offense, man. You know, he's a wrestler, and he picks up fast, and he's tough. They're all smiling. Everybody's smiling and happy. Mel, time to eat. Go have some fun. This is going to be funny. Boom! Three? Really? Hey, am I good outside? I'm parked outside here. Yeah, you got two hours. Yeah? All right. Yeah, those are hits. Come on, give him a break. All right, boys, that's good. I'm good, man. Let's go. Come on. Boom, there we go. Guys. Hey, guys, guys, listen up. Listen up. I got something to say. From Genesis 32:24. "And when he saw, he prevailed "not against him." Jacob was tough, man. He wrestled all night with God at Peniel. He was tired, he was beaten. He had a dislocated hip. But he refused to submit. By sunrise, he had won the Lord's respect. Well, tonight, Scott... Yeah. ...you earned our respect. And then some. I just want you to know I got your back. Whoop, whoop, whoop! salud. Let's eat, boys. That Superman Punch, Mel, that was awesome. Yeah, that was crazy. What's the matter? You don't like my wife's cooking? I can't lift my arms. Can you move it? Not much. I can go, like, to right about there. That's it? Yeah, that's it. Right there, yeah. You're sure? I can't even move it past that. You dislocated your shoulder. You have to go to the hospital. Last time I went to the hospital, it actually cost me more than I made in the fight, so you got to help me. But I would have to reset it. Look, whatever you got to do, then make it happen. All right. All right. Okay, you got to go easy first. No, no, no. Okay. Foot not going there. All right, all right. No, you're right. You're right. I just got to find the right angle over here. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Come on. Okay, okay, you're going to be all right. You're going to be all right. You can't go above. Okay, okay, that's past the level that I just said I can't go, though, okay? Geez! I'm sorry. Don't worry. You're going to be all right. Okay. You're going to be okay. Okay. Okay. Now, I just got to get in here. Easy, okay? I have to get in there. That hurts. All right? You ready? Yeah. Always wanted to try this. Try this? What do you mean? You've never done this... Are you okay? My... Are you okay? It's back in, I think. I did it! I did it! I was a little worried, but I did it. L'm good, I'm good. That was fun, no? No. A little jambalaya for mama? No? No, get away... Get away from me, you crazy woman. Good night, Scott. Voss. My office. Now. Come on in. Close the door. Sit down. I'd like you to meet Malia's father, Mr. De La Cruz. How are you? Who the hell do you think you are, Mr. Voss? Telling my daughter to disobey me? I didn't say that. I said... I said that... And is it true you're getting paid to fight? It's Mixed Martial Arts. What's this all about? It's about our teachers not promoting dangerous situations. Look, it's a sport. It's no more dangerous than boxing or auto racing. And believe me, I wouldn't be doing it if you'd been doing your job. Did you really think that you could save the music program by doing this? I'm just trying to make things better. You know what? You're not making things better, Scott. You're putting on a show. You're getting beat up in your bathing suit. You are embarrassing this school. You know why I did this in the first place? Because a wise man once said, "Without music, life would be a mistake." Yeah, and do you know who that wise man is? Marty Streb, the teacher you're trying to get rid of. Scott... There's nothing here anymore. We're failing your daughter. We need good teachers. Yeah, well, fighting in a cage is not going to make you a good teacher, Scott. You know, maybe you're right. I'm not even that good of a fighter. I'm out there getting my ass kicked. Believe me, this wasn't Plan A, but I don't know what else to do. Look, you're having a tough time with your business. I get it. But you can't take it out on Malia. Mr. De La Cruz, I'm sorry that you had to listen to any of this. No, no, no. It's all right. What do you suggest I do, Mr. Voss? My chef left. That means I'm in the back cooking. So I need my daughter up front. It sucks, okay? Nobody's saying it doesn't. But it's not your daughter's problem. It's yours. No. You're the problem, Scott. This is none of your business. None of your business. I've had it with you! You know what? We should be working as hard in here as you do out there. And I'm sorry, but we're not. And that is the problem. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a class to teach. And then I got to roll around with a sweaty guy from Holland. Whoa. What's going on, Mr. Voss? Biology, Derrick. Fair enough. Can someone tell me what happens when a cell stagnates? Okay, no one is listening to me. L will try again. Anyone know what happens to a stagnant cell? What's he doing on the table? I don't know, something about cells. Malia. It's not good. Did you hear that? It ain't good. People, a cell that is not in motion is not a productive member of the system. Lt ends up assuming all the other cells are gonna pick up the slack somewhere. But they don't. Ln fact, they imitate the stray cell until basically the whole organism begins to die. Yeah. But you know what? Biology is an amazing thing. And here's the good news, all that decays can be restored. Ls this hitting anybody? Like how a cut heals. Brian, my man. Look, you got one! And once that cell's back on track, it creates energy amongst the other cells. That's what happens. Lt starts getting a little movement going. Lt gets a little rumble. Can I get a little rumble from everybody? Everybody just rumble in your seats right now for me. Just rumble a little bit. Okay, no rumble, that's fine. I'll be the lone rumbler up here. That's what I am. I'm a lone rumbler. But then the cell starts banging into the other cells. And the cells push back and go, "Hey, what are you doing to me?" They hit into another one. "Hey, don't do that!" "Hey, that's my friend." "You don't even know him!" "You don't know me either!" And they're rumbling everything around. And once that happens, it's like a mosh pit! They're goin' crazy... "l know you, we work together!" Because then, they hit a rhythm. They all hit a rhythm. And this is the beginning of the restorative process. So now, even if the entire system is close to dead, what happens? Martinez, come on. Give me something. No, not today. No, not in my house. No, no, no, no. Look out, here we come. Don't look up my pant leg, Derrick. You're better than that. I'm right over you. Come on, man. What do you say? If all the cells work together, what will happen? The entire system is healed. Exactly. That is a sick dragon. Yeah! Move it! Come on, Scott, keep working. Hey, you know what? You look as good going as you do coming. And you, my friend, sat in gum. Please be gum. Okay, so how many years is a term of the president? A president serves a term of two years? Come on. I can't remember this stuff. Okay, what's your favorite song? My favorite song? Mmm- Faithfully. The Journey song? Yes. ♪ Highway run ♪ ♪ ♪ into the midnight sun ♪ Wheels go round and round... ♪ Niko. I know it. ♪ You're on my mind ♪ That's a great song. They don't make them like that anymore, right? Well, this is good. Okay, let's try this. ♪ America ♪ ♪ Has a president ♪ ♪ He serves a four-year term ♪ ♪ Before he's done ♪ That's beautiful. Thank you. And it goes with the lyrics. I know. You try it. Yeah, right. Okay. ♪ America ♪ ♪ Has a president ♪ Yes. ♪ He serves... ♪ ♪ A four-year term ♪ ♪ He serves a four-year term ♪ ♪ Before he's done ♪ Nice! Aha! ♪ A four-year term ♪ ♪ He serves a four-year term ♪ ♪ Unless he is impeached because then he's gone ♪ My friend! She is unbelievable! You are unbelievable. I told you. More later. Now put him down, 'cause we have a fight to go to. Let's do this. It wasn't a tap. It wasn't a tap. I was just fooling around. I was just fooling around. Obey my commands at all times. The corner of the ring's broken, so I'd avoid it. The carbon dioxide molecules get excited through a collision with the nitrogen molecules, and then there's a whole bunch of excitement. Derrick? And 15, 16, 17, 1 8... Nice head movement, yeah! Cover up, just cover up! I think you're wearing him down! Watch out, watch out. Back him up, back him up! Do not lose that grip! You know what to do. Put your weight on him. Don't lose your grip! Don't lose your grip! Don't lose your grip! He lost the grip. Thank you, Mr. Voss. You got it, man. Don't let him lock your arm in place! Scotty, pound him! Use your elbow. Got it! Use your elbow! Hey! I'm giving the instructions here. No, I'm just saying he should use his elbow. I'm trying to help. One voice. No, you shush! The other gentleman is using his elbow and it seems to be working. Can we have this argument on the car ride home? Yeah! Here's what happens. Okay, you know what? We should all... Use your elbow! Use your elbow! Yes! Yes! Yes! Voss is a winner! Wow. All right, everybody, let's get our story straight. Derrick did it. "Derrick did it"? Hi. Hey. Inspiring your students, I see. Yeah, with a touch of vandalism, yeah. Hey, listen, in case you haven't noticed, I'm standing and I just... That offer for dinner is... It's still out there, so... Okay. So if I was to let you cook for me, and I'm not saying I am, what would you cook? I'll tell you what. You name it, I'm cooking it. Really? Yeah. Hey, which one of these should I go with? Volcano or Enigma? Hey, what are you doing? This is coq au vin. The sauce is extremely delicate. You know what, I'm just gonna go with both, let 'em fight it out. Fight, boys! I haven't seen you like this in years. What are you talking about? I'm jealous. You're passionate about something. Someone. What do you mean? You got the kids, you got Lauren, you got your business. Yeah, I know, but every night I come home, and at least one kid's locked in a cabinet. Last night, Lauren says good night to me by throwing a yogurt at me. And my business is killing me. Pepper. I thought you loved painting. Yeah. But when Dad died, I just kept going with the business, you know? It wasn't my dream. Okay, we are done. It's perfect. You got to go after your dreams, Eric. I mean, if you don't make an effort, nothing's ever gonna change. You think? Absolutely. You got to find your passion and then let it guide you, let it envelop... She's here. You're out of here. Already? Yeah. Just two minutes, stir the sauce! Here you go. Wow, this is beautiful. You know, you picked a very delicate dish. The sauce there is extremely, it's delicate. Hope you like it. Well, let's see. How do you like it? It's incredible. You made this? Yes, I made it. I told you I made it. I made it. Of course I did. Okay. Where does coq au vin come from? Coq au vin is of Turkish descent. It's from... No. lt's French. No, the name is French. Coq au vin is of, obviously... Oui, oui. But, no, where do you think they get their poultry? They get it all out of Turkey. Hence the name, Turkey. It's all fowl... No, it's all... It's a bird country. It's honestly... Okay. Whatever restaurant you ordered this from, it's amazing, so make sure you thank the chef. And you just did. The chef, me. To the chef. To the chef. To me. Whoever it is. It's me. I did it. So, I saw one of your fights on the Internet. Checking me out. All right. I see where you're going with this. How'd I do? I don't understand. When you are asking me out, you are as stubborn as a badger. And then with this guy? He grabbed your hand and you're like, "l give up, I give up" in two seconds. Okay. First of all, it's "stubborn as a mule", it's a mule. Second of all, he had me in an arm bar, okay? Do you know what an arm bar is? If I didn't tap out, he's gonna break my arm, so that's what you do. That's what you do when you give up. You know what? Do me a favor, stand up. Please, stand up. Okay? I'm gonna put you in an arm bar. Here, this is a Kimura, right here. See? Feel this? Now what would you do if I got you here, huh? What would you... What are you doing? Take it easy. My father told me to strike first and to strike fast and to always be the aggressor! All right, stop it! What you gonna do now, huh? You're gonna quit? You're a quitter! You're hitting me with closed fists! Of course I'm hitting you with a closed fist! This is a fight! No, it's not. It's, like, the weirdest date ever. You know what? You're sort of right. Yeah, yeah, you are right. 'Cause I don't know what I was thinking. Hey! Okay. This is definitely the weirdest date ever. Yeah. Good night, Scott. Yep, okay. Well, this was a nice dinner. Sorry about the lamp. I wouldn't worry about it. I wouldn't worry about it at all. You can just leave that there. You're good. All right. By the way, a little cologne goes a long way. Yeah, no, I know. I felt it. My eyes were burning. I hear you. Give it to me! Hey. Hey. Can you get away for an hour? I got something for you. I can't, guy. This is a bad time. This one thought the Ex-Lax was chocolate. I'm up to my eyes in it. Lauren thinks it's my fault. It is! Says you! Who keeps Ex-Lax in their back pocket? I had a situation! You're a situation! Whatever! Where do you want to go? You got to wash your face first. Okay, got you. Stop kicking me! Yeah, and change your clothes. Hey, what's up? What are you doing here? We training today? Nah, nah, we're good. Look, I told you when you joined my team I had your back, right? Yeah. I just thought you should know Joe Rogan called. They want you to fight in the UFC. It's 1 0 grand. To lose? Yup. Yes! Yes! Niko turned it down. He what? Relax. Om... Let your tailbone be heavy. Om... Hey! Relax. Relax. Back to the peaceful meadow. Hey, why would you pass on the UFC? You're not ready for a fight like this. You realize we're six grand away and the semester's almost over? It's too dangerous. Yeah. But this could be one and done. Hey, the UFC's the real deal, all right? It's big-time. There's no broken cages or chickens running around. Okay, you know what? I got to be honest here. I don't see what the problem is. Yeah, okay. You know the problem? The problem is we're the same age, and I can kick your ass! You know, maybe we should... You know what? He's up, he's okay. You're a schoolteacher, Scott! I devoted my whole life to fighting. And you should've been given this shot. I was good, Scott. When I was fighting, man, I was beating everybody. I was unstoppable. And then when I got my big break to fight for the UFC, I thought to step it up. And during training, I just destroyed my neck. That was it. Over. I'm so sorry. I didn't know that. Look, if you don't think I deserve this fight, you know what, I'm not gonna take it. No, you deserve it. It's just me. lt's... I'll set this up. I'm sorry, bud. Yeah. It's just... Yoga makes me emotional. Mr. Voss, welcome. Come, this way. I want to thank you for your help. Business has never been better. That's great. I'm so glad. Your table. Joe. What's up? What's up, Niko? How are you, brother? Scott, nice to meet you. I am such a big fan. Thank you. Thanks, man. Joe Rogan, wow. I showed Dana White some of your fights, and I was there at the Romero fight. Great job when you put him down. That is a tough guy. That's a serious win. - Yeah, thanks. Thanks so much. - Good evening, gentlemen. I have created some delicious lettuce wraps, prepared with very little oil and a hint of ginger. Thanks. Actually, best eaten while hot, so... Yeah, we're gonna... Enjoy. Yep, yeah. Get out of here. Okay. Thanks. So, here's the deal. The UFC had a fighter fall out last minute in an undercard fight against Ken Dietrich in Las Vegas next week. Dana's a little worried you might throw up on him. No, no, that was a one-time deal. I'm telling you, it was some bad applesauce that got away from me. It won't happen again. Good to hear. Look, my daughter got into music in middle school. It changed her life. And I think what you're doing is awesome, and the UFC agrees. We'd like to give you a shot. Now, Niko, you had some concerns? He's ready. Okay, good. I'm gonna grab one of these lettuce things, and I'll see you boys in Vegas. All right, Joe, thanks. Good luck, sir. Wow. Thank you. You got yourself a fight! Fight! Okay. I can't believe that we're doing this. Ding, ding, ding, ding. My God, I love you guys! I really do. Take it easy, Marty. Listen, I have a window seat and I pee a lot. Do you mind if I... Okay, we're switching seats. Thank you very much. I'll be right back, honey. Okay. Hey, Scott. Can I talk to you for a second? Sure. I just want to tell you how grateful we are for everything you've been doing for my family. It's been an honor. He's my hero. Mine, too. Thank you. All right, you gonna wish me luck or what? Please be careful. Niko says this guy you're fighting is really dangerous. Look, I'm going in there, I'm gonna lose the fight, get my 1 0 grand, and I'm getting out. I know you really want to kiss me right now. But I think we have something special here, and I don't want to rush the magic. Okay, first of all, do you know anything about magic? 'Cause magic has to be rushed, otherwise you can see how the trick is done. So, bring it in. ♪ Boom! ♪ ♪ Here comes the boom ♪ ♪ Ready or not ♪ ♪ Here come the boys from the South ♪ ♪ lt's all right, it's all right ♪ Give him your best shot, Scott. Right here. ♪ Boom ♪ ♪ Here comes the boom ♪ ♪ Ready or not ♪ Here comes Scott from the South ♪ ♪ Boom, here comes the boom ♪ ♪ Ready or not ♪ ♪ How you like me now? ♪ ♪ Boom! Here comes the boom! ♪ ♪ Ready or not Here comes the boys from the South ♪ ♪ Boom! Ready or not ♪ ♪ How you like me now? ♪ ♪ Boom! Here comes the boom! ♪ ♪ Ready or not Here comes the boys from the South ♪ ♪ Boom! Here comes the boom! ♪ ♪ Ready or not How you like me now? ♪ What is that? Cherry cheesecake, guy. That looks heavenly. Could I have one? Thank you so much. Give me a slice, guy. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow! Wow. Yeah. You know what, give me a little bit... Hey! What? What are you doing, man? Just a little bite. No way, you're fighting tomorrow. Come on. I made weight today. Doesn't matter. Bro, you've been eating clean for six weeks. You eat this crap and you'll be lethargic. I don't care if I'm "lethargic." One bite, come on, man. Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm. Stay strong, Scott. After the fight. Have it after the fight. Fine, just give me a smell. Can I get a smell of it? Can I get a sniff in there? Here you go. Look at him. I'll take it. I'll take it. Guy, he's fighting tomorrow. It's on, man. It's on, boom, man. It's on! You want some? Boink! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Come on, guys. We're making a mess here. Look, we represent the UFC. Let's act like it's not our first time to the dance, okay? I'm getting a call. Hold on a second. No claws, no claws. Guys, guys, guys, guys. Take it easy. He's right, we're making a mess. Let's take it down a notch. Want some of this? What are you... What you want? Hey, you want some? Hello? Hi, it's Bella. Hey. Glad you called. Did you hear the news? Elkins was arrested today. What? It's horrible. Apparently, he's been embezzling from the school for years. You're kidding me. He took it, Scott. All the money that you raised for the music program, it's gone. It's over. Just come back. I can't. I got to do this. The money is gone, Scott. There's nothing to fight for anymore. Nothing to fight for? I mean, everyone's quit on these kids. Elkins, the system, the school, even me. I can't... I can't do it again. I don't want you to get hurt. You're a teacher. What are you teaching these kids if you go through with it? What am I teaching them if I don't? Can I call you later? Sure. Bye. Okay, bye. Hi, again, everybody. I'm Mike Goldberg. Welcome to UFC 1 76. We are live in Las Vegas. Sold-out MGM Grand Garden Arena, where, later tonight, in our main event, two of the best heavyweights in the Octagon today will collide. Joe Rogan, my partner, that is a great fight. Fantastic matchup. Shane Carwin versus Junior Dos Santos. Two of the best heavyweight knockout artists in the sport collide tonight. We also have a very interesting UFC debut tonight. Scott Voss, a biology teacher from Boston. Now, here's the good news, he was a Division 1 college wrestler. Here's the bad news, that was 20 years ago, and he's facing Ken "The Executioner" Dietrich. And everyone around the world knows how vicious and dangerous Ken Dietrich can be. And I think he's gonna be looking to make a huge statement tonight against the UFC newcomer. Let's get UFC 1 76 under way. All right, guys. We should start heading out. Hey. I need you to forget about Elkins. All right? No matter what happens tonight, I promise you, we are gonna figure this thing out. Look at me. I need you. Okay. All right. Voss and Dietrich, what a great story. Biology teacher from Boston making his UFC debut. And Dietrich is angry. He's looking for the highlight-reel knockout. He was supposed to be fighting a top-20 contender. That fell out, and he takes this schoolteacher fight on last minute. He's trying to send a message. He's trying to tell the world that Scott Voss does not belong in the Octagon. Amen. Let's do this. Amen. It sounds different. Yeah, it does sound different. Come here. You're not gonna believe this. ♪ Where I am, what I am ♪ ♪ What I believe in ♪ How did they... ♪ Holly holy ♪ You put this all together? Wasn't me. How did you do this? I called him. Be safe. Thank you. ♪ Sing a song ♪ ♪ Sing a song of songs, yeah ♪ ♪ Sing it out ♪ ♪ Sing it strong ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Whoa, yeah ♪ ♪ Call the sun in the dead of the night... ♪ He looks good. He does look good. Got nothing on you though. My little fireplug. Aw. Yeah. "Fireplug." It's a compliment. ♪ And I fly ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ And I fly ♪ ♪ Holly holy... ♪ Okay. No matter what happens, I'm so proud of you. This is great. Come on! All right, Scott, let's go. Get up there, baby, let's go. ♪ What I believe in ♪ ♪ Holly holy ♪ ♪ Yeah! ♪ Get up! ♪ lf you try to take me down you're gonna pay ♪ ♪ Now I feel your every nothing... ♪ Good song, man. Good song. lt's a scary song. Don't worry about it. It's a cool song. ♪ You run away ♪ ♪ I stand alone ♪ ♪ inside ♪ ♪ I stand alone ♪ ♪ Feeling your sting♪ ♪down inside of me ♪ ♪ I'm not dying for it ♪ ♪ I stand alone ♪ ♪ inside ♪ You go first. Hey, look at him right there. He's got no business being in here with you. Ladies and gentlemen, this fight is three rounds in the UFC Heavyweight Division. Introducing first, fighting out of the red corner, out of Boston, Massachusetts, Scott Voss! Mr. Voss! Mr. Voss! And now introducing his opponent, fighting out of the blue corner, out of Lake Forest, California, Ken "The Executioner" Dietrich! Come on! Kill him, baby! And when the action begins, our referee in charge, Herb Dean. All right, gentlemen. We've been over the rules in the dressing room. Protect yourself at all times. You're gonna follow my instructions. We're gonna keep it clean, everything above the belt. We're gonna keep our hands closed. No grabbing the fence. We're not gonna grab the shorts... All right, gentlemen. Touch gloves, let's make it official. Hey, take it to the ground as fast as possible. Let me ask you guys something. How much do I get if we win? What are you saying? I know what he's saying. Fifty grand. Holy smoke. Let's win this thing. Yeah! That's right. Go get him, kid. I like it. UFC debut for Scott Voss, the biology teacher. You ready to fight? You ready? Let's do it. Here we go! Huge Superman Punch right out of the gate! Cover up! Cover up, Scott! Cover up! Big hooks to the body and the head! Dietrich is swarming him! Cover up, Scott! Dietrich is lethal on the ground. You need to get on top, Scott! Up, up, up, up, up, up, up! Scott Voss is in pure survival mode. My goodness! What is keeping this guy in there? Pull down, Scott! Don't stop, Scott! Keep scrambling, buddy! Herb Dean right on top of the action. He may stop this fight. Fight back. Protect yourself. Voss is in all kinds of trouble here, Mike! This is ugly! What a great round for Ken Dietrich. And what a terrifying first round for Scott Voss. You got to give him credit, though. The kid can take a beating. No question about it. You all right? He is so good. He's so good, man. He hit me flush, so freakin' flush. God. Stitch. I can't believe you're working on me, man. It's so awesome. I'm having a crazy month of meeting people. Welcome to the UFC, huh? Thank you. It is gonna be very hard for him to recover from that. He took some bombs in that round. Man, so you want to fight in the UFC? The ground is not working. No, I know. I see that. It's not working. He's so good there. He knows everything. Everything you taught me, he knows better. Stay on your feet. Okay, yeah. Don't get on the ground. He knows everything. And, Joe, Scott Voss has got to do something different. He's got to come up with some sort of an answer, but I don't know what he's gonna be able to do. Ready? Ready? Fight! Round two under way. Voss comes out swinging. He's got heart. Come on, put your hands up! Big counter. Checks the kick. Not that one. He is taking some shots. Caught him! He gets reversed! Voss throws him off, though. Very nice. Showtime Kick! Get up, Scott! Pull! Guard! Keep your hands up! Get off your back! If Voss has anything left in his tank, he's got to use it now. The Executioner may finish this fight right here. Get out from under him! Come on, Scott, pull him on you! This might be the end. Voss is getting a beating! Pull down, Scott! - Come on! - Get up, Scott! Yes! Nice, nice, nice, nice! Watch out! Dietrich clearly is trying to get him out of there early, but I am just amazed that Voss can take all this. They might stop this fight in between rounds. This guy is hurt. Wrong corner, guy. No, it was a good round. It was a good one. It was good. No, wrong section. Follow my voice. Come on. Over here. Scott, listen to me, you've got to stay away from him. Okay, he's got to go back to the ground. Can I say something? The ground was just as bad, though. I'd really like to say something. It's the lesser of two evils. I know, but... Hey! I need to say something! Okay. Take it easy. I'm sorry, buddy. I don't think I'm going to be able to do this. You've already done it. To hell with my job. Look up there. Look at those kids. I got to be honest, it's a little blurry right now. Then let me tell you what you would see. You would see a bunch of our students witnessing complete resolve in the face of an unbearable obstacle. They are invested. Scott, they're inspired. That's what we're supposed to do as teachers, right? Inspire. You can quit right now, and everything that we worked for will have been accomplished. You know, last night, Mollie said to me on the phone that you thought I was your hero. You're mine. Third and final round. I'll tell you what, the third round is going to be very interesting, 'cause I don't know what they said to Scott Voss in the corner, but he is fired up. Ready? Ready? Fight! look at that. Voss has earned the respect of Dietrich. Voss is slipping shots now, Mike. Look at this. He looks really comfortable here in round three. Keep moving. Look to set it up. Counter that jab. Voss countered with a big left jab! That hurt him. Flying knee by Voss! He's all over him! Dietrich reverses him here. He kicks him off! Voss is doing damage now. Follow up! Good job! Good job! Come on! Big body shot! He's hurt again! Great combination. Boom! Boom! Go! Pull the punch! Honey, honey, should they be watching this? They're fine! Finish him! Okay. Come on! Dietrich is in trouble. Now Voss is in trouble! Put him out of his misery! They are exchanging like Don Frye and Takayama! Great work in the clinch. Come on! Go, buddy! Go! Both men trying to finish this fight. Go hard! Go, Scott! Go, go, go, go, go! Dietrich is hurt bad, Mike! He's got him up! Voss on top. Voss is winning this round! Go! Nice! Go, go! Let's go! Dietrich is getting battered. This is crazy! This crowd is going nuts! It is deafening in here! What a great flurry. Landing punches on Dietrich. No! Triangle! Okay, don't let go. Don't let go. Don't lose that grip, Scott. No, no, no, no, no, no! Voss is in trouble here, Mike! This is not good for Scott Voss. Dietrich switches to an arm bar. Voss has got to defend. He's got to keep those hands clasped together. He can't let go of that grip. Don't lose that grip! Do not lose that grip! Hold on tighter! No! Stack him up! No, it's deep! Come on, stack him up! Stack him up! Put that body weight on him! Okay, Scott, get back to that grip! You know what to do! I showed you this! Voss is in a lot of trouble here. He may tap. This is crazy! He defends! He's got him up! He's out! - He's out! - It is all over! Yes! Yes! Scott Voss wins his UFC debut! Scott Voss by knockout. Yeah! He did it! When you think about the dedication this guy has shown, the sacrifices and the risks he made, all for those kids, that guy is a hero. We won! Good job, man. Good job. Scott! Scott! Scott! Scott! Scott! You were awesome. You won. Are you ready to kiss me now? 'Cause I'm ready. I am. One down. Go down one, this one. No, this one. One over. You are powerful! is there anybody better? No! Thank you, Scott. Your donation was more than generous. It's going to keep our school in the black for quite some time. Hey, could I get that vacation day back? Not a chance. Didn't think so. Yeah. Don't you have a class? I do. I do. I'm going. Okay. Bye-bye. Congratulations. You are now citizens of the United States of America. Yeah! I citizen! I citizen two times! - Twisty! - Twisty! Twisty! Twisty! Viva America! Viva America! ♪ When I was 1 6♪ ♪I knew everything ♪ ♪ Opportunity grew on trees ♪ ♪ I taste 'em, waste 'em ♪ ♪ And do it all again ♪ ♪ 1 0 feet tall, invincible ♪ ♪ I fell short on principle ♪ ♪ A rebellion, a hellion ♪ ♪ Yeah, that was me back then ♪ ♪ Burned by my mistakes ♪ ♪ A phoenix I rose♪ ♪from the flames ♪ ♪ Now I'm doin' it right♪ ♪I saw the light ♪ ♪ Sun came up♪ ♪in the middle of the night ♪ ♪ Been doin' it wrong♪ ♪for so long ♪ ♪ I sure oughta know♪ ♪what it finally feels like ♪ ♪ To be doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it right ♪ ♪ When this fool♪ ♪came tumblin' down ♪ ♪ 1 80 degree turn around ♪ ♪ Revelation, salvation♪ ♪made me what I am ♪ ♪ Every day I fight the war ♪ ♪ And each day♪ ♪I'm winnin' more ♪ ♪ And I'm doin' it right♪ ♪I saw the light ♪ ♪ Sun came up♪ ♪in the middle of the night ♪ ♪ Been doin' it wrong♪ ♪for so long ♪ ♪ I sure oughta know♪ ♪what it finally feels like ♪ ♪ To be doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it right ♪ ♪ Every now and then♪ ♪I'm tempted ♪ ♪ I don't jump the fences ♪ ♪ No, I keep doin' it right♪ ♪I saw the light ♪ ♪ Sun came up♪ ♪in the middle of the night ♪ ♪ Been doin' it wrong♪ ♪for so long ♪ ♪ I sure oughta know♪ ♪what it finally feels like ♪ ♪ To be doin' it♪ ♪doin' it, ♪ ♪doin' it, doin' it right ♪ ♪ Doin' it right♪ ♪I saw the light ♪ ♪ Sun came up♪ ♪in the middle of the night ♪ ♪ Been doin' it wrong♪ ♪for so long ♪ ♪ I sure oughta know♪ ♪what it finally feels like ♪ ♪ To be doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it right ♪ 1x12 - Thawfest Let's go, bud. - Wow. Whoa. - That's nice. Every year on Berk, we come together to test our strength... endurance and courage in the annual Thawfest games. - Whoa. - Aah! For some of us, it's not such a great time of year. Come on, Hiccup. Pull! Put your back into it. All right, put your legs into it. Put your entire... aah! - Hey. - Faster, Snotlout! You have to push yourself, son. Snotlout, Snotlout, oy, oy, oy! - See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya. - Wh... what? In fact, I've lost every single time to that guy. But this year, all that could change. This year, I finally have a chance to win. Because for the first time ever, this year, the Thawfest games will include... Dragons. They are now officially part of Thawfest. There will be three additional events. - The fly and shoot... - Ooh. Which will require you to fly straight and shoot straighter. Hey! Uh, sorry. We were on the wrong head. - Ow! - I knew something felt weird. Ah, much better. Next is the freestyle... Where it's up to you to impress the judges - with a trick of your choice. - That's it, girl. - Just like we practiced. - Ah. A Nadder wing walk. Impressive, Astrid. Um, excuse me. Meatlug and I were wondering if there were going to be any intellectual events. A puzzle, perhaps? I'll take that under advisement, Fishlegs. And let's not forget the hurdles - where you will be asked to... - Whoo-hoo! You know what I love about the Thaw festival games? Winning. You want to touch one of my medals just to see how it feels to be a winner? Yeah, I think I'll pass. My family has never lost a Thawfest games, - ever! - Here we go. Dragons or no dragons, I'll do what I do every year: Bring glory to the Jorgenson clan. And you'll do what you do... embarrass yours. Let's go, Hookfang! Aah! I will crush you all! Okay... aha. - What are you two working on? - Just some ideas for Thawfest. Right. Right, excellent. So did you need something, Dad? Well, with the dragons, you could actually... well, it's... Beat Snotlout, best the Jorgensons? Well, when you put it that way, it does have a nice ring. Okay then. I'll let you get back to whatever it is, uh... you two do. Yeah. Let the Thaw festival games begin! - Ow! - What are we? - We're killers. - What do we do? - We kill! - What do we say? Snotlout, Snotlout, oy, oy, oy! The contestants are lining up for the sheep lug. It's a good day for lugging sheep, Mulch. Well, Bucket... Every day's a good day for lugging sheep. On your mark, get set... Yeah! - Whoo! - That's my boy! Get off me! The first point of the Thawfest games goes to Snotlout. Right where you belong... down at my feet. Here. Let me help you. Whoops! Too slow, as usual. Next up is our traditional log roll event. Enjoy your face plant. - Aah! - Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! And another point goes to Snotlout. All right. - That's my boy! - Ow. Thank you, Toothless. The next event is the ax throwing contest where accuracy is supreme. Bull's-eye. There they go. Ooh, watch out, look out there! Here's how it's done, dragon boy. - Show-off. - Oh, ho, ho! Whoo-hoo! Why don't you just give us the medal now, Stoick? Save your boy the embarrassment. Why don't you take a seat, Spitelout? - Don't let him get to you. - He's been getting to me for years. Why should today be any different? - Well, dead last. - Wow, I have all the points and the best-looking picture? Unfair. Oh, have your fun now. Tomorrow everything changes. Right, bud? I can't wait 'cause Hookfang and I, it's like boy and dragon have become one. We're like a "bragon." Or a "droy." Or a "snotfang." Yeah? Well, tomorrow you're gonna have to deal with... hictooth. - "Hictooth"? - Yeah, it's not my snappiest comeback. Why are you letting yourself get caught up in this? Because, for the first time ever, I have a chance to beat Snotlout, to quiet him down. Snotlout, Snotlout, oy, oy, oy! Good point. I have to admit, it would be nice to see someone else with a Thawfest medal. You've spiked your last sheep, snotfang. Tomorrow's a new day. Welcome to the day two of the Thawfest games. Let the dragon events begin. It's a good day for lugging sheep, Mulch. First up, the hurdles. Hurdle, smurdle. I can make it over those things in my sleep. - Be my guest. - You don't go over them, Snotlout. - You go under them. - Duh, I knew that. And first up is Fishlegs. Um, guys, a little help over here. It's okay, girl. This just isn't our event. - Whoa, whoa... - Aah! Where's your book, Hiccup? You might want to take notes. Let's show them how it's done. And Hiccup makes a perfect run. Did you hear what he said? "Perfect." I-I believe those are my first Thawfest points ever. I just realized something. I like beating Snotlout. I feel taller. Am I taller? Never mind. Don't answer that. - Is he gloating? - I'm not sure. I've never actually seen Hiccup gloat. Don't get too excited. You know what this is? The number of wins I need to end this thing. And you know what this is? The number of chances I have. Oh, you know what this is? The size of your brain. No, wait. That's much better. Like you've ever seen my brain. Come on, Hookfang. What? He started it... when we were five. Next we have the freestyle event. Contestants and their dragons will show off their styles and abilities. - Check this out. - We call it "the iron split." We like to call this next feat of daring "the extreme butterfly." Whoa, whoa, oh! It's okay, girl. This just isn't our event either. Oh, the balance dance. How does she make it look so easy? How come you can't do that? I mean, I could. Hey. Whoo-hoo! Yeah, baby! I hear Snotlout is gonna try a trick called "the rings of deadly fire." - No one's ever tried it before. - Yeah, because it's too dangerous. No, because he just made it up. I'm probably gonna win just for coming up with this. Fire! He tripped, and it's a disaster. I get the rings and the fire parts, but where is the death? I feel cheated. Wow, Snotlout. Your Dad looks really mad right now. What do you know? He always looks like that. Do you really think you have any shot at beating me? As a matter of fact, I do have a shot at beating you. - Do not. - Do too. Do not. - Do too! - Think about it. Toothless is a Night Fury. And I'm the best rider. How can I possibly lose? 'Cause that's what you do. I win, you lose. Yeah, well, check the scoreboard, Snotlout. Not anymore. - What was that all about? - Just rattling cages. Since when do you rattle cages? The contestants are lined up for the fly and shoot where they must shoot down their foes and spare their friends. Outcast, bud. Toothless, no. She's a friend. Thanks, bud. I didn't see that one. Hiccup and Toothless come through with a perfect score. Okay, Hookfang. A clean run here and we're the champs. Fire! Gotcha! No! Those were kids, you 6,000-pound lizard! No! What? What are you doing? Stop shooting! Snotlout! Get that dragon under control. This does not look good for the reigning Thaw festival champion. You're ruining... you're ruining it! Snotlout, Snotlout, oy, oy, oy! And for the first time in Thawfest history, we have a tie. Tomorrow these two young Vikings will go head to head in an event to decide the Thawfest champion. Hi. I can't believe how lucky you are. You don't even belong on the stage with me. That's it. Keep talking, Snotlout, as your family's winning streak goes up in smoke, just like your rings of deadly fire. Hey, what's the matter? Yak got your tongue? - Hiccup. - Oh, he's crumbling under the pressure. I can feel it. What? You know what I always liked about you, Hiccup? You were always a gracious loser. Who knew you'd be such a lousy winner? "Lousy winner." I'll be a great winner. You see this, bud? Lighter, thinner. Oh, this'll help us fly faster and turn quicker. I also stripped down your saddle. Light as a feather. But this... this is what's gonna make the most difference, a tail as thin as paper and even stronger than before. We're gonna be able to cut and turn better than we ever have. Snotlout won't have a chance. Remember, son, no pressure. Whew. - Snotlout! - Yeah. Hey, Dad. Just stretching out the hammies, you know. Did you ever hear the story of when I almost lost the Thawfest games? - No. I never did. - That's right. Because it never happened! No Jorgenson has ever even come close to losing the Thawfest games. Don't you be the first. What are you looking at? Welcome to the final deciding event of this year's Thawfest games: The obstacle course race. Take it away, Gobber. The race will start here in the stadium. Where? After the log dodge and the cliff climb, Hiccup and Snotlout will get on their dragons, loop around our flagship anchored off the coast, slalom through the sea stack maze, then head back here. The first one to pass that finish line is the winner. Look at those goose bumps. Hey, uh, can I talk to you for a second? No. Okay. I just wanted to say have a good race - and may the best Viking win. - Oh. He will. Don't you worry your scrawny, little self about that. See you at the finish line, Hiccup. - Or maybe I won't. - All right. I tried. - If that's how you want it. - That's exactly how I want it. Vikings and dragons, take your positions. On your mark, get set, and... Go! Out of my way! Whoa! Ooh, rock to the face. I love a good rock to the face. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. - Oh! - He's falling! - Oh, we can't watch. - Whoa! Yeah, that's my boy. Okay, bud. We got a lot of ground to make up. Let's go. Look at them go! - He's closing in on Snotlout. - I can see that, Gobber. Hey, how does that feel? Okay. Let's see what this new tail can really do. Whoa. Did you see that, Bucket? That sudden burst of speed. - Move over! - Yeah, sure. - Ah! - Whoa! Hiccup has to go the long way out. - He's closing in, Stoick! - I can see that, Gobber. Okay, bud, let's finish this. No. I can't lose. I can't lose. I can't lose. What am I doing? I'm sorry, Dad. Something's wrong. Snotlout comes down the final stretch. - And Snotlout is the winner... - Whoo-hoo! - of the Thawfest games. - Now that's a Jorgenson! We did it. We did it! We did it! Of course we did. Yippee! Nice flying, Snotlout. Yeah, you put up a good fight, but not good enough. It's been a spectacular Thawfest game, perhaps the best ever. These two young men have put on quite a show. But alas, there can be only one champion. The Thaw fest dynasty continues. The winner and still champion, Snotlout. We did it! You did your family proud. Snotlout, Snotlout, oy, oy, oy! Snotlout, Snotlout, oy, oy, oy! - Ow. What? - I know what you did. - Yeah. I lost as usual. - No. You threw the race. I-I have no idea what you're talking about, Astrid. Snotlout was just the better Viking today. No, Hiccup. No one was a better Viking than you today. Yup. Second again. Some things never change. But I guess certain things are more important than winning. like being a good friend... Even if the friend is... that guy. The wishing-table is one of the best memories of my childhood numerous times did my read it to me and all these fairytales start the same Once upon a time, there was a land, hidden behind walls and towers, which had a cozy guesthouse the cook was a curious man, and he served his guests delicacies from the fields and forests of the region So, did you like it? We are full. How did it taste? As always. And what did you have? Gulasch and spiced meat. As always. As always, spiced meat. Gisela! Isn't there something missing? His fantasy also affected the one-eyed offspring of the family That is me! And what kind of experiments are you doing here? Grandpa says there is a country, where they eat like this. Hmm, grandpa and his stories! But one doesn't play with food. My father was a daydreamer. He even tried to convince me, that he could turn his dreams into reality. Rolf! You have to try the food! Yes. Ingrid! Hmm? Dreamer! You are my onion-queen. These are exquisite. The dream started on a wet and cold day at the beginning of the 70s. The trade organization (HO) celebrated its birthday. The HO, a mighty organization that steered the fate of gastronomes under its reign with an iron hand. Elephant or little bug, or busy worker, in the countryside and in the city, the HO feeds them all. And noone has to be naked, the HO provides the clothing. For twenty-three years the HO... Cheers! So, Cheers! And a heartily welcome. All the leaders of the HO are out there. That is a big chance for me. And for you, for all of us. If they are confident, Rolf... then you will get everything for free in the future. Wild pigs, deer, crystal ashtrays. Everything. Could I have a bitters, please? I am so nervous. Here you go! Rolf! The most important thing is that they like it and that you use local recipes. As main dish I serve Weimarer Zwiebelschweinshackse au gratin, ... as dessert we have Ingrid's Hüllchen,... and as starter we have a suprise, I won't say more. No suprises, tell us! What is it? MBS, i won't say more. What is MBS? That sounds like... Well, I hope it's not a disease. Comrades, it is so nice with you here in Thuringia. I have heard many good things about the Weaponsmith. Rolf's lazy women's soup is a delicacy, right? Yes, and his ashen dumplings. One should import those to Berlin! First you have to solve the packing problems in Suhl... It is not ok that our customers have to bring a jar when they want to buy their sauerkraut. But comrade Malaschke, that is as good as solved. As soon as the paper crisis in Romania is resolved... We have already taken appropriate actions. Yes? Yes! Good, let's drink one for that! Almost to westerly decadent. This speciality was a delicacy here in Thuringia in the last century. And now, here before you dear leading members of the HO, it finds it's renaissance. It's resurrection. That looks very good! I say, enjoy your meal! That is really good. Nice taste after fish, I guess it is halibut. Could also be white wagtail. That is really exquisite. Rolf? Now say, what did you serve us here? It is a may beetle soup. Main ingredient is the meat of 350 female may beetles. And that I have ligated with a little flour and egg yolk. Next course. Fast now. Next course! Comrade Malaschke, usually the food in Mr. Anschütz's restaurant is really good. Until he served the soup, it was a nice evening. Why do you do that to me? Local food I said. From Thuringia I said. And you serve cockroaches! My may beetles? These are not... Do me one favor. Never talk of these things again... All I wanted is to make you happy, do something special. With roulade you would have made me happy. With a sausage if you like, but not like that! Rolf, did you not get everything from me? Did I not always try to get everything you wanted? Exotic spices. Salt, pepper, lents... Even an orange from Cuba! Cuba oranges? Here me out, my friend, don't push this too far... Mr. Jäger, I have something for you here, and for your spouse. Looks good. I told you so. They only waited to cut you down. The HO left early today. Pearls for pigs. The HO is afraid of culinary challenges. Did you again candy potato shells? Or filled cutlet with rose petals? Your spiced meat tastes well and fills us. That's all a human being needs. I'm a cook, not a plumber. A good cook is something like an artist. And my stage is the kitchen. I don't only want to fill the people... Then we are all artists. Jochen can write, I can turn chair legs and you ... put people on their back. Then be an artist for us, your friends. Do something sensational. Something with women and good atmosphere, and Jochen will write about it. That is a good idea. You would do that? Sure, otherwise I would only write about opening times... I have a really marvelous may beetle soup. May beetle soup? Oh, sorry. At the moment I am truly filled. I would like to drink something. Gisela, are you crazy? I had to pay for the may beetles with an entire set of winter tires. Yes, it's a pity for the bugs, ah, the soup I mean. I really liked it. Really. Yes? The cover. That's exactly how the may beetle soup has to taste. Exactly like that. Weren't they all excited? Yes, so to say that was a running gag. I am proud of you. Show them that food also has something to do with culture. Father, with these temperature you should not go fishing anymore. What shall I poor pensionist do else? You don't let me into the kitchen anymore. And the master gave him a table that did not look special in any way. And also made from rather ordinary wood, but it had a special trait. As soon as you put it on the ground, it was suddenly covered with a clean cloth. On it were knife and fork, plate, and a glass of cool wine. And when you then said to the table, lay yourself! With a dish from... Japan. Shiujaki, a stew from Japan. Small portions are eaten from many bowls. And the ordering of dishes is never symmetric. Always three, five or seven of every kind. Beauty without symmetry. Like in nature. My favorite number is also five. No... Go on. Yes... Chinese cabbage, soy sprouts, tofu, bamboo sprouts, taki noodles and soy sauce. Can you also do that? Sleep now. Give me a kiss! Mr. Anschütz ? Ah, Gisela. Here is the book you wanted. The customs of nations. Gisela, what are you doing? Thank you! For remembering this. In father's mind a new idea took shape. And once he was convinced by something, noone could stop him. What are you doing up there? I fiddle with something. What ? A surprise. For me? For my friends. Ingrid? Do you know where the key for the garden house is? Rolf! Where do you want to go with all that stuff? Your bag. Ingrid says mustard and lighters are running short. That's a pity for you. Malaschke is still not well. I would really like to know what is going on in your head. At least a few new tableclothes from cotton... Rolf, forget about that! Say Rolf, did you see Robert's drum sticks anywhere? They are gone! No! Did you start playing drums? Twelve of these, please. 23cm long, without the ball of course. At little more broad at the end. Can you do that? There is no industry norm for that. And I don't even know whether I am allowed to do that. I will do it. Hello. Only hot water today. Short arm! Quick, quick! Hello Hans. Ah, Rolf. Say, where can I get a suit like that? Do you want to join the sport club? I have enough to do in the kitchen, what else shall I do? A little movement would do you good. But you can't buy something like that. You can only get it from the sport club. That is high-quality terry cloth from the west. That is from the west? Say, do we stay with monday, 8 p.m. ? Yes. And this time with a surprise, Hans. See you. See you then. Rolf? What are you doing in there? I... I wash. That is something new. I already did the laundry today. Do you know what I found there? Robert's drum sticks. Ah? Rolf, do you remeber that you have to bring Robert to bed the day after tomorrow? I go out with the women from school. On monday is my surprise evening. What about my surprise? That is included. What are you doing in there? Gisela? Could you please try on something for me? Sure. Do you have more skirts like these on offer? Only what you see here. Can you imagine that we rework the skirt like this? Yes, with more cloth. Cloth? I can get cloth. For what, if I may ask? I would be glad if you could be my Geisha. What? What does your wife say about that? We will see. Okay. And what do you have beneath the Kimono? Nothing... Logically. Gisela, Helga, what are you doing? The hair doesn't stay like that. I think we need something special for that. Maybe something from the west... or from the far east. Helga, may I try something? Yes, let's try from beneath... It works. It stays. Improvisation! Coming! Otto, do you have them? Yes. It was a lot of work, but here they are. They are marvelous. Could it be that they are curved? It has to be like that. Everyone can do them straight! Even with brand, thank you Otto! Rolf say, what are Gisela and Helga doing? The restaurant is crowded. Is there anything I should know? Come in, then. I am so hungry! Rolf, hurry up. We are hungry. May I introduce: Geisha Gisela. The first Geisha from Thuringia. What does he say? Now I need something to drink. First you have to change, Jochen. Come in! Stop! Take off your shoes. I know these suits. This is how it's done in Japan. Otto, how is your arthrosis? Thrives and flourishes. The chairs are without legs. Yes, that is Japanese. Do they also eat spiced meat? No, but with sticks. Ah, ok. But you have some food prepared, yes? Yes. Japanese. Japan. The land of the rising sun. And they have no god. Only the sun, which shines for everyone. Isn't that beautiful? So, really no spiced meat. First, let's have a drink. To our friendship. Cheers. Do they really eat on the floor? Aren't they primitive people? Oh, see. This is moving. And what about this? That is no quality. That is waste. Oh, please. Will you be nice? And here we have the Fujijama. Geisha Gisela? May I ask you? Yes. Does anyone want beer? A Japanese one, please. But we do have sake. Sake what? Japanese rice wine is sake. Doesn't matter as long as we get drun Don't they recognize that this is white wine? Put a little Vokda into it. And maybe we put in some grains of rice. That's enough. Now fill to the bowls. Until then, his friends only knew lake Schwielow. But he brought them to Japan. And that was not easy to bear. That means, cheers? That's all Japanese I need to know. Yes. Hot. What is that? Does that contain rice? That's why it's called rice wine. And? What do you say? Tastes good. What is going on here? Ingrid? ! That is nice. Sit down. Where? Take mine. Make a little space. Good evening. Here you go. These are my egg cups! Rice wine from Japan. And, what do you say? Tastes like warm white wine. Our good vase? Even mother played her role. And beared the japonisation of her dinnerware with dignity. What is the next course? I admire how you did that. Only with raw eggs and beef. My little Japanese. To make something from nothing. That is fantastic. But you are the exact opposite of a Japanese. Ingrid? This is what I always wanted. To cook something exceptional. On my stage. It was like a dream. And from now on... I promise you we will always have... only spiced meat. and... and dumplings. No... No.. I... Helga! No boss, I don't know what to say anymore. Anschütz? ... No we don't. We cook Thuringian if you know what that is. Rolf? They all want to eat Japanese here. Boss. They guy from the HO is outside. Do you have anything to do with that? No. And he is in a bad mood. Oh, I would not have thought to be in the newspaper. I will kill you. First your may beetle soup and now enemy propaganda. Rolf. This is enough. Wait a second. Enemy propaganda? I just cooked after recipes from a book published in the GDR! You cannot... Oh... You cannot try to incite new demands in our citizens. In the end they will all want to eat this Suki-kaki. We don't have foreign currency for that. Foreign currency? We don't need any. I tell you one thing. Japan is brutal capitalism. They can't even eat with knife and fork! So, if they now close your establishment... I will not be able to save you. Mr Jäger? There is Mr Leutner on the phone. Yes. Fuck. The district leader. It's Mr Anschütz own fault. We don't need anything like this. Japanese leads to envy, frustration and perceived scarcity, comrade Jäger. An idea becomes material power if it grips the masses. Lenin. Lothar, we are the GDR. That is culinaric capitalism. Rolf Anschütz makes fun out of entire Suhl! We have Japanese sitting in the restaurant. A Japanese? A real one. From Japan? Rolf? Go out there. Ask him what he wants. I don't speak Japanese so well. That's my name. From the economic university in Osaka. For one year I teach as a guest professor at the university of Jena. What can I do for you? I would like to eat in your establishment, Anschütz-San. Yes, we have spiced meat... Japanese, please. My train leaves in one hour. Japanese... Rolf? And? What is our guest doing? He just wants to leave. Are you crazy? He stays. And you cook what he demands. But what? Air soup and mashed shadows? Rolf. You have a mission. For years the GDR has tried to establish diplomatic relations. And if now a Japanese is here and wants to eat Japanesian, he gets Japanesian. That is a state affair. Rolf Anschütz, you are cooking for world peace. Isn't that great, boss. He came from Japan. From Jena, the Japanese comes from Jena. Ingrid, can you crack the eggs? Rolf, we have other guests. Look, grandpa has caught two fish. Carps? You are my rescue. Rolf, everyone speaks about you. Do you serve Japanese today? Another time. I will tell you, father. Come. It was worth a try... So, in principle I am the boss of Rolf... Mr. Anschütz. Practically everything here is also my idea. This is Geisha Gisela. We eat Yose-Nabe. Boss, Worcester sauce? We don't have anything else at the moment. Thank you! That is soy-sauce... For me? Thank you! May I? Thank you. Enjoy your meal! Very good! I knew it from the start. Mama... Papa doesn't want to play wishing-table with me. Why not? You have to go to bed. Sure you have to. No. You promised me to stop with that Japan nonsense. Ingrid. For the first time in my life I have the feeling...to follow my destiny. You follow your destiny and I work until I collapse. These are not dreams anymore. It was a real Japanese. And he liked my food. He was not just full. But we are not in Japan. We are in Suhl. Rolf, we two have a restaurant with Thuringian cuisine. And I don't want to risk that for one Japanese and eating fish from the floor. And you... Look at you. Judo-suit. And you... you could expand your horizon. While mother worried about the future of the family, father spent his first night away from home. Yes! We cook together. So, it was not good? It was. But we can learn from each other, Anschütz-San. and salmon. Schweinshackse... How about Sassnitzer Seemannsgarn au gratin? Ginger. And this is wasabi. What is wasabi? Try it! Hot. Please. Louder. Slurp them. Slurping you mean? The soup tastes only with a lot of air. Green tea. Zinnaer abbey spirit. Excellent. Suntry old whiskey, also very good. You have to make the eye hungry, not the stomach. A Japanese proverb. Humans control nature and nature controls the agricultural production community. Thuringian proverb. Ingrid? Dr Hayashi, this is Ingrid. My wife. I did not want to create any unpleasantries. I don't want to disturb the two of you, but I have a restaurant to run. Ingrid is not a fan of Japanese cuisine, Dr Hayashi. It was an honor, Anschütz-San. Mrs Anschütz. Hayashi-San. You still need that. I would like to announce my friends for next saturday. And you cook for them. More Japanese? Yes. You are ready, Anschütz-San. More cloth, asian fire birds, dragons, lotus flowers and cups without handles. Lothar, please. Cups without handles. Rolf, I will provide the dinnerware. But the distribution of carneval articles is long over. Such a nonsense. We have twelve Japanese coming. Twelve. And for them I can't use old football cups or crepe paper. No. Did you say twelve? Twelve Japanese in one place? Yes. Rolf, that is an invasion! Who wanted to strengthen the relations between nations ? Why not through food, Lothar? Japanese food means peaceful coexistence. Rolf, I believe you. But I cannot give you anything. If they were at least Chinese or Tatars, but why Japanese? Sure, Anschütz does that out of pure craving for recognition. I always say, initiative is the natural enemy of the economy. And what we do with him now has to be decided by our boss. Oh, that is already her. Leutner on the phone. What is going on in Thuringia. Are you anarchists? We have already taken actions, comrade Malaschke. Anschütz can soon cook his food in Russia. Hold on. The man needs support. The GDR has been struggling to establish diplomatic relations with Japan for years. And... I expect your report here in Berlin. Don't mess this up. So, Anschütz will cook for the Japanese. Yes? You understood that? Don't mess this up. Jäger could really show a little more initiative. There you are, finally. Today they bite exceptionally well. Thank you father. Thank you. I hope this time the HO pays for this and not again yourself. Don't let them trick you again. Father, leave it please. I still don't like that they socialised our restaurant. Let bygones be bygones. It just doesn't make sense. You are the one with whom they can do such things. Regarding doing something. Shall I make some sushi for us? Only for the two of us. Well... Father, do we now go to your place? Sure. I have a large appeal to you... Say father, how many are supposed to use this? About twelve. What, twelve? Yes, if you extend it. Dou you still need it? No. Sinca Martha is dead, I eat in the kitchen. If I really leave this to you... Please be careful. Father, you know me. Yes, indeed. And Rolf... remember my sushi. That already looks very beautiful. And how do I associate that? Well... something with dragons. That spit fire. And lotus flowers. Renaissance or Rokkoko? Like decoration. Taekwondo. Well... Japanese. Do you know what is next week? Mr Anschütz? Our? Upstairs. What is next week? Mr Anschütz. Telephone. Urgent. Mr Anschütz. Telephone. Urgent. Now I need you. Mr Anschütz? Decoration is ready. While my parents drifted further and further apart, I also had to carry my burden. Mama, they call me slit eyes. What? They are silly. You are not a slit eye. I intentionally designed this in an agressive imperialist style. Like emperor Hirohito 1939. The HO will like it. That's what Japanese have on their walls? Where they eat? Exactly like this. That is Japan live. And what does this say? Luck, sociability and Enjoy your meal. Well, we will never get there. Ah Otto, the height? Ah, yes. Lift it up, please. Still ok, everyone? Lower it slowly. See. It's firm, totters and still has some space to breathe. As Confucius says, right? That was a Chinese. Really? Rolf? How do you ever want to redeem that? It is so beautiful. I don't forget our wedding anniversary. Ingrid? I have to go someplace. Be right back. Is if it was made for you. Yes. That is Japan live. Armin, I need forteen of those. Maybe I would like to come to your restaurant on the weekend. Any time on the weekend. No problem. Madame Butterfly will be on stage in September again. Yes! Everything ok? Yes. He is sleeping. Was it nice? So beautiful. I even cried a little. Look at that. From Rolf. Is that the costume of Madame Butterfly? Is that the reason why we were in theatre? The wedding anniversary was just a pretense for you to... No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. I just wanted to make you happy. It' just that... Tomorrow the Japanese come. The ten. How nice of you to tell me now. I wanted to bring the necessary and the pleasant things together. Today you can sleep here, downstairs. Sleep well! Even Jäger slowly lost control. Rolf, you never talked about all these rubbish. Lothar, put this on. The Japanese... And then the unbelievable happened. Mr Förster, may I introduce... Mr Watanabe. A friend of mine and journalist from Osaka. Oh, journalist. Sit down please. You were good, Anschütz-San. Now you have to walk your path alone. I have to go back to Osaka. Hayashi-San, why me? When you cooked for me last time, you were afraid. But you were also curious? And you had the will. Here, deep in the south, behind the mountains, curiosity prevailed. You love Japan? And you can eat a lot of wasabi. I got to know you as a friend. We will meet again, for sure. They are in here. Yes, and now go home. See you, grandpa. The next twelve, please. Rolf, what is going on here? The people are queuing up. That's what I see. And why? Our people in Suhl want to eat Japanese, right? That is not what we agreed upon. Yes! I cannot let you do that. In two hours the next twelve, please. We took wild rice. It has a wonderful consistency. How it smells. Carrots or fish? Fish. So now comes the big moment. It also works with spinach. Yes. Father, fresh supplies. Wait a second. Be careful. You did very well. How is grandpa? Well. Isn't that a little exaggerated? Just because of a little fish. Wait. Tastes different. Tastes... totally different. But delicious. Better than may beetle soup. I agree. But an employee of the HO cannot do what he likes to do. If that attitude spreads... Yeah, then the next one will open up a hot-dog restaurant. We should restrict Anschütz in his freedom. Half of Suhl wants to go to his Japan restaurant. Yes? Good day! Mrs Malaschke. A delegation has announced itself. I just read that because of coverage in Japanese media, an economic delegation is on its way to Suhl. Oh, crap. Shit. I say stop with sushi. No western money for Anschütz. I will close his restaurant. Hmm, they are really very special. Give Anschütz what he applied for. Right. Of course. Rolf, you are so stupid. Jäger calls you and you do it. I... I cook for world peace. You should rather cook for family peace. Do you really think they are interested in Japanese culture. They only want the money from the west and you to play their clown. The HO demands two dishes. Japanese ones. As planned target. What? Are you serious? How shall we do that? As always. Improvisation. I can't do this anymore. Papa, will you play samurai with me? Not now. What are you doin? It is enough. Robert and me will move to my mother's place. Until you are back to normal. I didn't want that. I did not want that! My first time being beaten also corresponded to the worst time of my parent's marriage. At the same time, huge trucks from another world appeared in Suhl. The weaponsmith, where is that? And they brought real products from Japan. Rolf...your father. You have to go to the hospital immediately. They brought him there. Don't you see that this is impossible. But, they said it is serious. Rolf, I can do it alone. We have guests. Dear guests of the project world peace... ..ahh, project bright future.... I am very happy to have you here. My name is Rolf Anschütz. So, the Japanese cuisine is a harmonic unison of culinaric symphonies. I say, enjoy your meal. Father... Father, we wanted to eat sushi together. Now is the time. These are the sticks. Do you hear me? Sushi for the two of us. Why couldn't you wait one hour? Father...is dead. Then - tell - me - which - bird - can - say - it's - name. In this chaos of feelings, a little gesture reconciliation would have been enough for my mother. But father lacked the courage. Hello, Rolf. Ingrid? If you want to give a present to your son, please don't do it via post. That is miserable. Goodbye. Over the following years the fame of the weaponsmith kept growing and was enriched by further attractions. Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before the weaponsmith, a Japanese restaurant, in middle of the so-called GDR. With uncommon methods the gastronome Rolf Anschütz succeeded to bring far eastern atmoshphere to cheerless Suhl. Unheard of before in this world of scarcity, he imports ingredients directly from the land of the rising sun. The weaponsmith is already booked out for years into the future. In the weaponsmith, with Japanese section, that is the official name... meanwhile film stars, SED fat cats and foreign diplomats reside. And doing that they present themselves open-minded. When nudists and communists, in the so-called bath, an erotic center, scrub the Thuringian acres from their backs. So much eastern decadence has created a run for the few hotels and pensions here. Here, someone has shown with initiative that the allmighty HO and consume are built on sand. The days of spiced meat seem to over in Suhl, for now. And with that I give back to the Tagesschau. Unbelievable what they say... You and your protege, Mr Jäger... It's your fault that even the western television mocks us. Didn't I foretell that? What? Mrs Malaschke, we just got the message that Mr Kaltenhauser is coming. The right hand of Franz-Josef? What kind of bath is that? Furu-bath. Kind of a swimming-pool, where Japanese wash before eating. Naked? I think it is time now that I see this free-time center with my own eyes. These are not streets, this is shit. The holes are part of it in the east, right? I hoped for Schweinshackse and dumplings in Auerbach's Keller, and now I have to go to the taiga. Wait a moment. For good business friends the HO has special things on offer. I am looking forward to it. Say, is all of this socialised property? Yes. Do they have food on offer? Sure. But not immediately. This way. Is this a brothel or what? Take off your shoes. Undress. I don't go into the same bathtub with all those easterners. You are aware of that? Bathtub, I like that. Please also take that last thing off. That one? Here you go. Thank you. Mr Kaltenhauser, you are here? Yes. I...am here. Cheers, I am Ernst. Hans. Lothar. Say, Mr Leutner, isn't that Mrs ... ah... Malaschke. Yes, she is. Dear Mr Kaltenhauser. Call me Elke. Elke? So... Ernst. I already know you. So then... Have a seat. Do you also want one? I have a good feeling about our negotiations. Yes, me too. A song about the Japanese cherry blossom. In the fields, and hills, and villages... as far as the eye can see, like fog, like clouds... fragrant and shining in the rising sun. The blooming period. From the improvisated club room, an almost perfect Nippon paradise was created. The appearance of the ceremony master, even reminded a little of that of a Japanese emperor. And I may say, a heartily welcome, here in the new rooms of the weaponsmith, in the new Japan restaurant. And I also have to say, nothing of this would have been possible without the strong support of our HO. Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah! Yes, we managed this well. Did we? Excellent. The word marvelous still has a fine tone in Japanese. And that is why my cooks, my Geishas, our collective... have prepared something very special for you this evening. First we will serve you yams root. The yams makes our women even more pretty. And the men even more potent. If you are in Munich once, visit me. The yams symbolized strength, and this strength shall be transferred to you today. Boss? Sorry for interrupting you. Sensational news. The Japanese want to give a medal to Anschütz. I know, but we can't let them do that. Does he have a medal from us? Not that I know. We have to be faster. Schmidt, come here. Oh god, this thing is huge. Anschütz only makes trouble. Mrs Malaschke. Schmidt, find out how large this Japanese medal is. It cannot be that they give him a larger medal than us. Yes, I will do that immediately. And...did you amuse yourself further...in the weaponsmith. Mr Anschütz? Oh, that is nice. That I may get to know you personally. I am Evi. Where is my Gisela? I shall greet you from Gisela. What greetings? I don't need greetings. In a few hourse our house will be full. So... She will stay in Budapest for some time. Mr Anschütz. Before she then goes to Andechs. To Andechs? What? Well... She married that Mr Kaltenhauser. Mr Anschütz, no reason to be flabby. That upstart bavarian? She won't come back. Take me instead. I'm just as pretty as Gisela. Anschütz-San. Yes? I have the honor, in the name of my government, to hand this invitation to you. We would like to decorate you for your untiring commitment to world peace and international understanding between the GDR and Japan. You are invited as an honored guest of the Japanese government. Otto? Otto? Shall we drink a beer together? You still have the courage to come here? And you even ask why? Why? Already two months ago you shifted the chopstick production to wood combine Wilhelm Pieck. Because you thought I would not be able to cope with that. No, that with the wood is done by the HO. And even with Jochen you have messed it up. With all these state cars around, you haven't seen any of us. What, with Jochen? And now we don't want to see you anymore. But, Otto... Hands off! They are all gone. I am alone. Loneliness is the fate of great men. I always say that. How is that of use to me? I always admired you. Secretly. You really created something. Went your way. And me... I was adjusted. With the HO. How good a musician I once was. You were musician? Don't you know that. I was singer with the Sputniks. Schmalkalden? These were good times. But then... came the offer from the HO and now... look at me. Lothar, the Japanese invited me. What? The Japanese to Japan? I don't think I am wothy of going there. And then alone... I will come with you. Isn't that clear? You would do that? Sure. I am your friend. Mrs Malaschke. Your signature, please. Thank you. Comrade Malaschke. You and Comrade Leutner frequently go to the capital. Why don't you drive together think more intensively, decrease expenditure. That is why I take the train, comrade. The Japanese invited Anschütz to Japan. I know, but we can't let him go. Yes. Sure. He is not reliable, but... They must not invite Anschütz. We have to delegate him. I also think so. And I won't leave his side for a moment. Not that he stays over there. You? That is impossible. You are also unreliable. Just look at your haircut. Don't make such a sad face. It's also beautiful here. And if Anschütz doesn't come back, you take over the weaponsmith and become famous. You started this. And so today I have the honor to hand over the banner of the workers to a man who spread the fame of our country into the far east and who made sure on our streets there will soon be Mazdas on our streets. For mutual understanding. Rolf Anschütz, come here. Or to say it with a Japanese proverb: Tame birds dream of freedom wild ones fly. Mr Minister, please once for the camera. This medal is seven millimitres larger. Sensational idea, Mrs Malaschke. Comrade Anschütz? Mr Anschütz. It is said that recently Katja Eppstein was at your place. Yes. My wife is also crazy about it. If you are able to get a reservation... Say, if you go to Tokio how will you be able to get along there? I don't know whether I will go there at all flying. Excuse me. Anschütz-San. Welcome to my country. Oh god, the state guest sits in front. Let's also get in. You first. Today Rolf Anschütz, form the GDR, arrived as an official stateguest in Tokio. In a ceremony he was given a medal from a member of the family of the emperor. Your imperial majesty... I thank you for this distinction. Everything for the peace. You don't have to eat that. I just want to be treated like any normal Japanese. I am not Gai-Jin. I am Rolf Anschütz, the first Japanese from Suhl, GDR. Calm down, Anschütz-San. I imagined all this... much more traditional. More like in my book. I am really happy that I can fly back soon. Yes. Then I can go back to my Japan. You understand, Hayashi? Here one says, the bird in the cage craves the sky. And I always thought that applies to you. Yes. Yes... Yes. But for some birds... the sky is too large. Anschütz-San. This is not mushi, this is Ingrid. Ingrid? How are you? Ingrid, where are you? In our kitchen. In our kitchen? You... Ingrid? What? Ingrid I miss you. Yes. And our boy. And our kitchen. I did so many things wrong. Yes... I only recognize that now. Here. That is what I wanted to say. And that I miss you. Hayashi! What are you doing, Anschütz-San? Is that for me? Thank you. Your heart was tired. You slept for more than eighteen hours. Eighteen hours... Hayashi? You seem sad. There is a very delicate issue. You have no visa to go back to GDR. How can that be? I have to go back to my GDR. Suhl. That is my home. Calm down, Anschütz-San. This situation is very unpleasant for our government. They are trying to find a fast solution. That must be a misunderstanding. I think the HO is behind that. That his home country did not let him travel back, father found unforgivable. The weeks of his involuntarily prolonged stay, he tried to fare more quietly. He asked Mr Hayashi to only see one further place. Here was the place to say goodbye to an illusion. You see, nothing is impossible. I have a good message. You can go back to the cage. Yes? Probably it was only a mistake. And would you cook once more for us? It would be a great honor. Thank you. I am ready. Very good. Smile once more, please. Anschütz-San. And now? Anschütz-San. You should cook Thuringian. What? Roulade! Such a roulade, a perfect one, is almost like a sushi roll. Oh. Very good. For you. Thank you! Anschütz-San. Your ticket. What? To home? Thank you Hayashi! Thank you. Who is already happy, should not try to become more happy. Says a Japanese proverb. No. Theodor Fontane. Hayashi, thank you. I thank you. Enjoy your meal. When father saw his hosts enjoy the Thuringian roulades he again felt the joy and his thoughts diverted to Suhl. Where his Japan waited for him, the cook for world peace. Until German reunification 1.97 Mio. visitors have been to the weaponsmith in Suhl. In memory of Rolf Anschütz. Killing bad guys is your business,and business be fucking crackin',yo. That's right,motherfucker. Know who that is? Uh,no. It looks kinda like Ryan Seacrest though. What the fuck you got against Ryan Seacrest,man? Nothing in particular.The guy just bugs the shit outta me. Why? This motherfucker,he works hard,make millions of dollars, and he got a fucking catchphrase,which I don't have,all right? And you wanna kill him dead? That's some harsh shit,Moody. You got too much negative energy in you. You need to work that shit the fuck out. Well,excuse me. No,that's fucking Kali's new boyfriend right there,man. Oh,she's got a new boyfriend,does she? I don't know,man,but she moved out of my fucking crib last week, talking about she ain't comfortable mixing business and pleasure anymore. What kinda shit is that,man? Did she say she was seeing someone else? Fuck no. But I know how that shit goes,man. I mean,somebody gotta be tapping that ass,'cause that ass is too fine not to be tapped. And that Mr.Someone will get his motherfucking dick shot the fuck off. Hey,you know,don't do anything crazy,Sam you am. You're mere months away from becoming an A-list "raptor. " What the fuck is that? Rapper turned actor.Get it? - No,I don't get that. - l like it. Whatever. Fucking bitch just drives me crazy,man. You know what,maybe it's the case of a nigga who wants some shit he can't have. True dat. This nigga has often fell prey to that on some occasions. I'm sorry. My bad. I mean,you know,I'm in the wrong there. What you doing tonight,man? What you doing tonight? - Nothing. - Wrong. You're rolling with me on a ride-along. A ride-along? Yeah,with the real Santa Monica P.D.I gotta get my fucking cop. Really wanna be authentic,you know what I mean? And I need to hit the streets to get the feel for this shit. And you need to be taking some fucking notes,all right? So be there or be six feet under,motherfucker. californication Season 05Episode 05 You gotta go. I don't gotta do nothing. Good God,man,it's a ride-along. At the absolute worst,it'Il be an absolute fucking blast. Look,sooner or later this guy's gonna find or figure out that I'm fucking the object of his gangstery affections,and when that happens,I'm toast. Bloody,bullet-ridden toast. I still think you should go. And I think you should be on my side for once. You should be focused on protecting my ass,not just my career. Your career is just fine,buddy-boy. You are the guy that got Santa Monica Cop a green light. There's a dubious honor. Dubious or not,I got serious interest in you for a whole bunch of projects. That's great. Really? Well,why am I just hearing about it now? Why just as an aside? What are they? I don't know. I got 'em written down on a buckslip somewhere. Worst agent ever. I'Il tell you what,I will go with you. Keep you out of harm's way. I will be your human Kevlar. It's no problem,none at all. That's just the kind of service you get for your 10%. Bullshit,you just wanna ride in the police car. Ever since I was a little boy. You're here,you're queer,and I'm used to it,but you're not invited. But I could be,right? I could tag along for the ride-along. I feel like crushing one of your testicles right now. Does that mean I can go? Fine,let's go,powder. I hope you get killed in the line of duty. This feels unnatural to me,voluntarily arriving at a police station. I like it. Smells like crime,punishment,and the urine of homeless men and women. Where is that fucking lunatic? Hands behind your back,motherfucker. - 'Cause you under arrest. - What the fuck for? For jerking off on the job,Dr.Evil! What the fuck? I scared the shit out you. Hey,hey,do your Runkle imitation for Runkle himself. Check it out. I don't see what's so funny about that. It's not even realistic.Did you watch the video? It was more like this. That's true. Commando. Hey,what the fuck he doing here,man? - l didn't invite him. - Fucker invited himself.Tell him. I always wanted to ride in a cop car. It's a boyhood dream,actually. Well,keep your mouth shut and your dick in your pants,a'ight? A'ight. - A'ight. - A'ight. Shotgun. So this is it,boys. Welcome to the jungle. Take a whiff. Sorry,that was me. Hey,look,I'Il be honest with you,there's not a whole lot of glamour to the profession. Are you kidding? This is fucking awesome. Can I turn this light on? - No. - Can I pull someone over? And stop touching stuff. Come on,man,you're like a big baby. Hey,that's exactly what I always say. Any available unit in the vicinity of Pico and 23rd,possible "B" and "E" in progress. Ain't you gonna get that,man? That shit's close by. Nah,somebody will get it. Eventually. Sounds pretty unpleasant. Besides,I gotta babysit you bed wetters. So what's this movie about? It's about Hollywood's need to recycle even the lamest ideas in an effort to maximize... stuff.I don't know.I'm out. - l got nothing. - Shut the fuck up,Moody. You're too cynical,man. You need to look at the world through the eyes of a child like Runkle here. Hey,yo.It's about a tough kid who grew up in Compton,becomes a cop, gets transferred over to Santa Monica,and uses his street smarts to fuck up whitey. - So it's like Beverly Hills Cop. - You are correct,sir. Everybody keeps saying that shit. Nah,man,it's based in Santa Monica. Yeah,it's set in Santa Monica. Hey,hey,hey,Mr.Officer,sir,that guy is clearly texting while driving. Let's get him. Who gives a fuck? Who doesn't? I do it all the time. I'd be a hypocrite if I pulled somebody over for that shit. You imagine getting pulled over for texting? Wouldn't that just chap your fucking hide? Fuck,man. What's your take on drunk driving,officer? Yeah,that's a good question,right? Thank you. That depends really,mostly on the cut of their jib. If the guy's a real d-bag,his ass is mine. He is going down. And the same thing for a hot chick. Down on this. All right. Get a load of bad lieutenant. Hey,yo,you ever shoot a motherfucker before? Just once. Kind of a sad story,actually. It was a little kid. I mean,I thought the kid had a piece. Turns out it was an iPod Touch. Bet he was black.Was he black? Was he black? Of course he was black. Why do you think I shot first? This nigga,man. Cop or no cop,man,he pull this fucking car over,I'm gonna bitch-smack that motherfucker. Church. Hey,Runks,get your shit together,man. Uh,I'm sorry. I was just--I was thinking about little Stewie. He's always playing with his iPod Touch. He's got this app on it that makes it sound like a gun,you know? He used to love to point it at Irma and pretend to shoot her in the head execution style. That's adorable. Jesus,there but for the grace of God,huh? I'm just fucking with you morons. Never pulled my piece out on the job. Never.Not once. Too bad the same can't be said for Runks,huh? I don't know. Hey,hey,hey,who's hungry? I can't believe this,we're actually sitting around watching a cop eat donuts. I know,it's a cliche,but they're so fucking delicious,you know? Plus donuts got sugar and carbs,which allows for a quick burst of energy. Coffee keeps me awake and alert. Hot call comes in,I'm fucking ready. You getting all this,writer? You need me to talk slower? It's all right up here. Fill 'er up,Dotty. This shit is fucking boring,yo. If I want to sit around and eat donuts all night, I coulda stayed home and smoked some fucking weed,man. Hey,you wanted to see what a night in the life of a cop is like. This is it. I drive around. I try not to get myself killed. And I feed the pain that comes from knowing that I put my life on the line night after fucking night. That and the pain of dealing with a messy divorce. Banging a fucking fireman.You believe that shit? Chick must really have a thing for guys in uniform. Yeah,ever since 9/11,fucking firemen get all the pussy. Hey,you see that chick right there? Total pro. Wow,how can you tell? Years of experience,my friend. Hey,hey,how much you think she charges? Ah,25 bucks will get you some suction. Gotta wear a rubber though. 50 bucks,she'Il let you throw deli meat at her ass. 75,she'Il let you tase her. Why would anybody want to do that? People are sick,man. I'm just telling you what's on the menu with these broads. Hey,Runkle,how much to tase you? Hey,hey,Mr.Samurai,sir,I've actually been tased,and it is no fun. - No,it is. - No fun at all. It's fun. That said,I'd probably do it for a crisp hundy. Oh,yeah? All right,I'Il throw in. Each.Each maybe. Ah,shit,it's happening! What's happening? My heart.Another fucking episode. God damn it! Are you sure? Yeah,got an intense pain in my chest. Arms are going all numb. Something not good is definitely happening to my body right now. I'm stroking out over here. You guys are gonna have to drive me to the fucking hospital,okay? I'm calling my agent,man. - l'm right here. - My new agent. Now let's not be rash. U.T.K. is a unique agency. Our ability to package is unparalleled. Hey,hang on,I'Il take care of this,then I'Il take care of you. Okay,911 it is. Okay,man down! God damn. One minute,you're eating a donut,waxing all poetic. The next you're stroking out all over the floor. That kinda makes you think,huh? About laying off the donuts,sure. Think he's gonna be okay? I don't know,he seemed pretty tweaked. I do know that he appreciated you holding his hand the entire time though,Runks. Well,what do you think,Sam? I think we should add a stroke scene - to the script,man. - Stroke scene? - l can pull that shit off no problem. Oh,yeah.Yeah,yeah,yeah. Nice. We best be thinking about getting ourselves a cab,huh? Oh,wait a minute,maybe one of your crew guys can come pick us up? Oh,yeah,yeah,yeah,call the midget. I love that little dude. That little nappy-headed nigga,man. Yeah,Mr.Lowercase "T. " Nah,man. Oh,no,no,no. I don't think that's a very good idea,Sam. No,we could really get in a lot of trouble. For what? Just gonna take it back to the police station. Charlie,it's the right thing to do. The moral thing,the polite thing. I just don't wanna get in any trouble. What's up,Adam-12? I thought it was your boyhood fucking dream to ride in a police car. And I have fulfilled that dream. Now it's time we should all go home and reflect. Shotgun! Hey,guys,where you going? Whe-- You're just gonna leave me here,is that it? Yep,it looks like you're just gonna leave without me. Okay,okay,I'm coming. Can I drive,huh? Could have at least let me sit in the front. I called shotgun. There's nothing to do back here. Shut the fuck up,Runkle. You're like a small child back there,man,and it's pissing me the fuck off. Boring. This motherfucker driving all fucking slow. Watch this,watch this. Pow,motherfucker! Excuse me,but,um,I really think we're playing with fire here now,Sam. I don't know if you're aware,but--but Hank has only recently finished his probation. So- - For what,being a fucking rapist? Hey,stop it with all that rapist shit,okay? I'm sensitive about that. Come on,man,I say that shit with love,man. That's what I like about you,man.You're an outlaw,man. Truth. - Bong,bong. - Bong,bong. I prefer raper... to rapist. Oh,shit. Grab the wheel for me. Yeah. Yeah,you probably want to put that on speaker. - Fine,have it your way. - Yo,what up,man? What? No,singed for nothin'. Fuck that. I'Il be right there. Be right where? My boy saw Kali up in the club getting cozy with some clown-ass nigga,man. Well,we're going back to the police station first,right? You're gonna drop us off. Something tells me no. Fuck that,you gotta strike when the iron fist is hot. Yeah,but what if something bad goes down? You don't want any witnesses around,do you? No,I do want witnesses,man,especially some white motherfuckers,man. Oh,why,'cause we're white? Yeah,'cause you white,motherfucker.Cops believe white motherfuckers. You got my back,right? Y'all got my back,right? You'd lie for me,right? Not if it's against the law. You lie for a living,motherfucker. Man's got a point. Officer,I think someone's following me. Feel like I'm in danger. Get the fuck outta here,streetwalker. Can't you see we're working,man? We on a stakeout. No,that's not nice. The lady says she's in danger. You just want a free hummer,don't you? Come on inside here,sweetheart. That's the way you treat a lady. Thank you. Ooh,my dogs are barking. How's business tonight? It's a little slow,actually. There she is. All right,all right,what do you say we just-- we leave the car out of this and we proceed on foot. Stop worrying about the God damn car,you fucking ninny. Can I do it? Fuck yeah,go for it. How come he gets to do it? 'Cause I like him better,man. That's right,we're pulling you over,motherfucker. Pull over to the right. What are you,stupid? Your other right,jackass. There you go. So what's the move here,good cop,bad cop,bald cop? No,how 'bout bad cop,bad cop,bald cop stays in the fucking car? Works for me. That was sweet of you to let me in. Give me shelter from the storm. It's nothing. Who likes to see a lady in danger? Not this cop. Lieutenant Charles W.Runkle. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too,officer. So you a detective? Mm-hmm,yep. I like to take a couple of the rookies out on a 5-8-7 now and again, make sure they know their shit. It's just good old-fashioned police work. Well,how 'bout a good old-fashioned blowjob? This one's on me,'cause you're an officer and a gentleman. Out of the car,ma'am. Hank. License and registration,motherfucker. Come on,look alive. What the fuck? He's really pissed.He misses you. You know,this is why I moved out of his place,because he is a fucking psycho. Yeah,but we got to talk about this,'cause sooner or later he's gonna find out about us. How? I'm not gonna tell him.Are you gonna tell him? No fucking way. So we don't have a problem. Yeah. Now I know where the fuck you live at. Get out the car. He's really kind of sweet in a way. Hank,I know you think he's all warm and cuddly. Oh,no,I don't. I'm just saying watch yourself. I am watching myself. I try to get out,but he pulls me back in with the money. And,uh,the money. And--and,oh,the exceptional weed. And,wow,you look really hot tonight. You know,I'm thinking maybe I should handcuff you just to be safe. What was I doing wrong,officer? You tell me. Turn around. - You been drinking? - No,sir,not at all. Not at all? Bullshit.You was at the club,wasn't you? Step over there. Something smell funky to me,nigga. Smell like pussy. You been drinking pussy? - No. - No what? No,I haven't been drinking pussy,officer. What,this girl pussy ain't good enough for you to drink? I'm sure she got a very drinkable pussy. We just haven't gotten there yet. Think you gonna get there? I think I can close this,yeah. Think you can close this. What if she's somebody else's girl? Then I say that that someone else in question isn't doing a good job making her happy. Is that what you say,nigga? Calvin,what the fuck are you doing? This motherfucker disrespecting both of us. Wait,you know this guy? You want me to call 911 so that you can deal with the real cops? Fuck that. Look,I want you to come home with me,a'ight? Forget all this bullshit. Fuck you. Wait a second,you ain't a real cop? Shit,you could have fooled me. I'm gonna take that as a compliment,motherfucker. I ain't gonna apologize for fucking your legs up. I know where the fuck you live. Keep your hands off my bitch. Wait a second. Aren't you Samurai Apocalypse? - Oh,shit. - No shit. Oh,shit! God,you give an exceptional blowjob. I mean,seriously. Something to be said for putting in the time. Have you read Outliers? Malcolm Gladwell. He claims that the secret to success in any field is a simple matter of practicing a specific task for,mmm,about 10,000 hours. What,you wanna suck my dick now? What? You want me to take mine out? Want me to put it in your mouth? Your dick? Buck up,buddy-boy. It doesn't matter. You didn't know. It doesn't count. Did you know? Of course. Didn't you know? Fuck yeah. Seen the size of that Adam's apple? Shit,do I look ignorant to you? No,no,you look like a guy who could spot a tranny hooker from a mile away. Respect. Motherfucking right,man. Shit,this bitch Kali got my fucking heart on fire,man. Yeah,I know how that feels,brother. But you know what Sting says. What does Sting say? He says that if you love somebody,you set them free. - Sting says that? - Yep,he sure does. You're fucking with me,man. - No,he says that.He sings about it. - That saying been around since the stone ages - You think I'm dumb,don't you,Moody? - No,I don't. Then why are you always fucking condescending to me? I'm not condescending to you.I'm relating. You know I got a fucking broken heart right now,right? - l do know that. - Yes,I know. Fucking Jersey Shore ass nigga,man,sticking his pencil dick in my sweet pound cake. Yeah,I relate. You know,right now the love of my life is getting pounded by some omnisexual chicken hawk. Doesn't feel good. Nah. It could be worse. Yeah,how? Coulda just had your dick drained by a tranny hooker. True dat. It's not funny! Why are you laughing? Oh,man. Becca,hey,sweetie.I thought you weren't talking to me. Wait,hold up. Slow down,slow down,slow down. Can't a dad indulge his soon-to-be 18-year-old daughter? What's wrong? Nothing. I love it. - Yeah? - Yeah. It is the one I saw you looking at in the mall? Yeah, yes. Thank you. I love it so much. You're welcome, honey. You're getting a little bit grey, dad. Your fault. Your roots are showing. Yeah, I know. I'll fix it. I think this place is going to be good for us. - What do you think? - Yeah. Hey, come on. Once I've unpacked give this place a lick of paint, it will... Don't, Dad. What? It's just what you said in my dreams. Don't. I've got to go. Don't want to be late for the first day of school. Remember the rules, in town and school. Yeah. I've done this before. I know you have. I'm just... you know I worry. Don't worry. I'm careful. I'll be fine. I love you. I love you too, honey. Hey, Rose. I wish you were still here. It's been so hard since you brought Shannon back to me. Christopher, my love. Rose I tried to find you. I searched for so long. My love, I don't have a lot of time. I'm trapped here. There's nothing you can do for me. Protect her. She's the one that matters now. Why can't you come back? I found a seal. Pad of it is missing. Only one of us can come through. I made a choice. - Where's our daughter? - They'll come looking for her. They'll come looking because they need her. Never let them take her no matter what happens. No matter what you have to do. Swear to me you will never let them take her. I swear. I brought her back to you. She's yours to care for now. Don't go. Goodbye, my love. Rose! Daddy. Sharon? Oh my God, Sharon. You're here. Daddy. It's okay. You're safe now. What happened? I don't remember anything. It's okay. You were in an accident. Where's Mommy? Mommy saved you. Where's mommy? She's gone, honey. Hurry up, it's leaving. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Sorry, what? Are you okay? Yes. I'm fine. You don't want to be messing with the vagrants, Miss. I was seeing if he needed some help. Some people are beyond our help. Have we met? - No, I don't think so. - No? I'm sure we have. What's your name? I have to catch my bus. Welcome back, everyone. I hope you had a good Christmas vacation. I'd like to welcome new students who will be joining us this semester. Heather Mason. Could you say hello to the class? Hi. I'm Heather. I'm new. I just moved to town so... Come on. Share a little bit of yourself. Everyone has a story. Tell us yours. What is this, third grade? What do you want to know? Do you get all of your clothes from Goodwill? Okay, you know what? Let me make this easier for you. This is the fifth school I've been to since I was 11. Me and my dad, we move around. So I do this a lot. Don't bother trying to remember my name because I'm sure not going to remember yours. Don't talk to me. We won't be friends. I won't IM you or Facebook you or tweet you, read your blog. And whatever you're thinking of saying or doing don't bother because I've seen it before and I'm just guessing here but I don't think there are many original thinkers. And by the time you have found out anything about me that's worth knowing I'll have moved on. How's that? Very impressive. Now the next addition to our class, Vincent Cooper. Are you kidding me? I can't follow that. Shit. Burn the Witch! Burn the Witch! I'm not a witch. Please, I'm not. Are you all right? - What? - Are you okay? What are you doing out of class? You know what, I'm lost. I can't find math. - Any ideas? - No, no. I... I'm lost too. Hey, look, you want to get a coffee? Now? We have class. I mean later. - No. - Why not? We're both new. We don't know anyone else. That speech I gave in class, I gave it for a reason. I really don't want to know anyone here. Hey, honey. How was your day? Someone following me. What do I do? Okay. Don't come back here, not yet. I'll meet you somewhere... Central Square Mall. Then we can be sure. I'll meet you at the Happy Burger place. I'll be there as soon as I can. You think someone knows? No. No one knows. I'll see you soon. - I love you, Dad. - I love you too. Sharon! Sharon! Please, sir. Wait! Dad. Dad, I... Sharon. Sharon, wait! Sharon! Keep away from me! Keep away from me! It's okay. No, it's not okay! Nothing is okay. Who are you? My name is Douglas Cartland. I'm a private investigator. - What do you want from me? - I'm paid to find people. Someone wanted you found, Sharon. - That's not my name! - You're Sharon DaSilva. I tracked you down after you left Portland. You and Harry got away, but I found you. What my dad did there, that was self defense. I don't care who Harry killed. I'm trying to help you. Keep back! Why? I didn't know who I was working for then, but I do now. They call themselves The Order of Valtiel. And they want you. You're lying. You don't understand. They know where you are. I told them where you are. They're coming. - You've got to get away. - Don't worry, I will. Keep away from me! Everything your dad told you was a lie. He told me the truth! Do you know why you don't remember anything? I was in a car crash. My mother died. I lost my memory. No! There was never any accident. You were trapped in a place called Silent Hill. But your mother saved you. She got you out. But they want you back. Ask your dad, he knows that... Tell me who I am. Please tell me. It's gone. It's gone. I'll help you. Come on. You two, move back now! Hey, miss, you can't be back here. Come on, back behind the tape, please. Come on. Everybody get back behind the line. Whoa, one second. There's a wallet in his pocket. Sir! Sir, please stand back. Douglas Cartland. Some Pl from out of town. What do you got, Cable? The boys found this jacket. There's blood on it. Hand it over to forensics. Let's find out whose blood it is. Heather Mason. Sharon DaSilva. - This girl? Maybe this is her. - Let's find her and ask her. See what we got on this Cartland. Pull the security tapes. - Hey. - Vincent. Yeah, they found a guy dead in there. - Did you see? - Yeah, I... Hey! What's wrong? - I can't tell you. - It's okay. You can tell me. No, I can't because I've no idea what's going on in my head right now. It's me. Leave a message. Dad, call me when you get this please. Look, you're cold. Where's your coat? Come here. Thanks. What's the matter? Do you see them? - Who, the runner? - No. Never mind. It's just another thing to prove that I'm going crazy. So... where's home? A couple of blocks away. No, I mean, before. Where'd you come from? Nowhere, really. I travel a lot with my dad. Do you think there's a difference between dreams and reality? What happened to the small talk? No, "What's your favourite band? Do you Facebook?" Fuck Facebook! Do you? I never think about it. Everybody thinks about it. Not me. Look, my life's complicated enough. Talk to my grandfather, it's all he ever thinks about. It drove him crazy. It's driving me crazy. No, I mean, he's insane. Bat shit nuts. Back in my sweet little home town old man Leonard drools in a padded cell. He'll tell you there are no dreams. Just endless realities all piled on top of each other. Some people see monsters, other people just see people. They locked him up for that? My mother had him committed. Jesus. Yeah, she's kind of intimidating, my mother. No difference between fantasy and reality. I don't think I like my reality. Do you think anyone does? But at least I'm real or I think I am. And you, yeah, pretty real. Or just pretty. That was a lousy pick-up line. Does it every work? I never tried it before. How'd it go down? It's a crime against pick-up lines. You're kind of funny, Heather. You're pretty fucked up but I don't know, I... you're goofy fun inside. Goofy fun. That'd be nice for a change. Anyway, this is my street. Thanks for walking me back. I'd like to do it again some time. Vincent, you're nice, but I don't think you want to know me. - I do. - No, you don't. I'm going to call you later. I didn't give you my number. I'll see you around. Dad. Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Heather, it's Vincent. I heard you yell. Is everything all right? I need your help. Look. Is that blood? Have you called the police? - I can't. - Why not? I just can't! - Okay? - Okay. Do you know where this Silent Hill is? No, it's... it's something that I've dreamt about. My dad, he warned me never to go there. But I know that symbol. This is it. He kept it all in here. Is this your mum? My adopted mum, Rose. - You were adopted? - Yeah. I never knew my real parents. - Do you write all of these? - Yeah. - Do you know what that is? - No. Looks like there's another side that fits in here. A gun? Why do you need a gun? Miss Mason! It's the police. - You said you didn't call them. - I didn't. Then why are they here? What's going on, Heather? I have to go. If they catch me I'll never find my dad. Why would they? What have you done? Nothing! I haven't done anything. I swear. Help me. What do you want me to do? - Can you drive? - What? I can't drive. Can you? Santini, come here. You want a probable cause? This is it. What the hell happened here? That look like a gang tag to you? I don't think so. But I've never seen anything like it. Call crime scene, get them down here. - What about the girl? - She's a murder suspect. My Dearest Sharon. If you're reading this, something has happened to me. You're on your own now. Don't try to find me- And, whatever you do, don't go to Silent Hill. I promised your mother I'd keep you safe but! failed. You think we're running from the police... because of the man I killed in Portland. Can't protect her forever! Dad! But the truth is he wasn't just a random thief. He was sent to take you back to Silent Hill. He was a member of the Order. These people want you. They need you. I don't know why? But they'll do everything to draw you back. You must resist it. I tried to keep you safe and I never meant to lie to you... but I had to. You'll find the truth in my notebooks. As much as I could find out. I hope that when you read what I've learned... you can finally begin to understand who you really are. Please forgive me for not telling you the truth. I did it to protect you. I love you, Sharon. You okay? Do you want to stop? No. What's it say? So much. I knew he was frightened but this is crazy. It says Silent Hill was originally a prison colony built on ground taken from the native Indians. They called it, "The Place of the Silent Spirits." Never build on ancient Indian burial grounds. I thought everyone knew that. It says here, "Religious zealots called The Order of Valtiel secretly ran the town for the last hundred years." They were waiting for a child to be born to be a vessel for their god. Who would then be resurrected and make the world anew. It sounds like one of those crazy doomsday cults. Yeah. Sounds like it. There's a newspaper article. Fire in the coal mines got out of control. The whole place is still burning deep underground. Everyone had to leave. My dad doesn't believe that though. No? He says the town was cursed by the power of a demon child. Her name's Alessa. This Order tried to cleanse her with fire but they failed. And Alessa's revenge was to summon a world of darkness filled with terrifying creatures. This one, it says is her guardian and executioner. - We should stop. - No. I want to keep going. I'm tired. I need rest. You need rest. You think they'll find us? Someone will, eventually. - Do you think we're far? - No. No, I think we're really close. And I don't think you should go. - What? - I think your dad's right. - You shouldn't go to Silent Hill. - I need to find him. He wants you to run. - Vincent! - No, listen to me. The Order, they want you. I think that's why they took Harry. To make you come back. I don't have a choice. Don't you understand that? I understand. I just... I just don't want anything to happen to you. You didn't sleep? No. We can't go any further. We already talked about this. I have to. Why can't you just trust me? It's for my dad. You don't understand. I do! No, you don't! How could you? Because I am a child of the Order! What? I was born and raised in Silent Hill. I was chosen to come into this world to make sure that you return. No. No, that's not possible. The Order are trapped in Silent Hill. The notebook says so. It is possible for a few to escape just for awhile. But it requires sacrifice and and suffering. You have been chosen for this! How could you do this to me? My whole life, all I've been taught all that we are taught is that Alessa is the great evil. She trapped us. She brings the darkness. And you are pad of that evil. But I know that's not true. After seeing you, spending this time with you I know you're not evil. If you are pan of Alessa, you're the innocent pan. - Every step of the way you lied. - I had to. They were watching. Projecting their spirits. - You saw them. - You took my dad. Please believe me, I had nothing to do with that. I'm sorry. Why take him? Why not just take me? You have to return of your own free will. They knew you'd follow. Why would it matter so much? The Order can't be free until Alessa is gone. Her power keeps them trapped. She can't be destroyed until she is whole again. - You'll make that happen. - What about my dad? - Is he still alive? - Not for long. My mother, Claudia, won't keep him alive after she has what she wants. - Where is he? - In the sanctuary beneath the town. - Wait, Heather, stop! - No! You need this. You have to find the other half. It's the only way you'll be able to save your dad. My grandfather has it. The one in the asylum? Yes. Leonard Wolf. He's dangerous. Let me help you. No. Get off me. - Please. - Don't! - Listen to me! - What's happened? The darkness is coming. It's coming. What's going on? Stop! Make it stop. - You did this. - No, it's not me. How can it be me? Because you're pad of Alessa. We're so close. You allow the darkness to break through. Vincent, what is going on? I don't know. Vincent! You should not be here. They will use you. We will all suffer now. I know who you are. You're her mother Alessa's mother. How could you let them burn her? No! I loved her. It's all right, sweetheart It's okay. It's all right I was deceived. I never wanted this for her. Where are you taking me? Mummy! Mummy! But Alessa was special. She was the only one who could survive the fire. That's why she was chosen. But it only led to our damnation. You all got what you deserved. Yes. And I became the mother of the demon. But you are her daughter. What are you talking about? Alessa didn't die in the fire. And she suffered so much. The pain was only matched by her rage. And with that rage her power grew beyond all comprehension. Alessa knew there was a pad of her that could still be free from pain. So she took the best innocent pan of her soul placed it into a newborn orphan child. You! ORFANATO DEL CONDADO DE TOLUCA You were secretly taken from here... to be raised by loving, but unaware parents. You're the only pad of Alessa that feels love. You balance her hate. But you should never have come back because now you've given the Order what they could never have. A way to destroy Alessa and you. Where is my father? There is nothing you can do to save him without damning yourself. I don't care! Just tell me what you know. I know the darkness is coming. It's safer to be inside. Run. Run! What? Help me. Run. Let me help you. - What happened? - The monster is coming. What's coming? Come on. Run! Where did you come from? We took a wrong turn. Got lost in the fog. There. Come on. This way. Come on. Come on. My own son... Mother, please? ...betrayed us. She is not evil. Her mind is corrupted by her darkness. You were young to be given this task. I understand. You created Alessa. The darkness is your evil reflected back at us. - She is innocent. - She is innocent? You are insane! Just as your grandfather is insane. - Make him suffer! - Let the gods judge him. No! You succeeded. Even in your madness you guided her back to us. What my sister Christabelle could not achieve, I shall. Salvation is at hand. And a broken mind can be mended. No. Mother, please don't. - Take him to the asylum. - No. - Cure him. - No. Please. Leonard. Do you think someone knows? No. No one knows. See you soon. - I love you, dad. - I love you too. Leonard Wolf. Okay. S 12. S 12. Leonard? Hello, child. Please come closer so I can touch you. I don't think so. - Did Claudia send you? - Claudia? - Yeah. - No. She put you here? My own daughter says I'm corrupted by darkness. She says that I'm a monster. She's far worse than I am. She's also corrupted by the same darkness. I'm looking for my father. Is he lost? He's in Silent Hill. There are many Silent Hills. Are you sure it's this one? Vincent said you'd know... Vincent! That little traitor. My own flesh and blood turned against me. Listen. You may be able to hear the cries of his torment. He's here? Where else would you go to mend your mind? Like yours is? Well, I'm just an ongoing project. I have half of this. Will it help me? Please, I am blind, child. I cannot see what you have there. Place it in my hand and I will try to help you. Don't be afraid. Come on. You know what it is. I was the Master of the Order. How could I not know the Seal of Medatron? It was stolen from me and used by her to escape with the child. Without it we cannot summon the god. It is a key. What does it unlock? The true nature of things. I need to find the other half. Oh, but you've already found it. The other half is in me. What are you doing? No! Stop! Stop! And now I see the truth of you. You're a demon! You must be destroyed. Not today. Two halves coming together. It's complete. Alessa can you feel me? You know I'm here, don't you? You know I've got the Seal of Medatron. Somebody help me. No. Get back! Get back! And you! Get back! - Look out! - Get back! Get back. Get away! How can I find my dad? - Heather, help me. - Tell me where he is. In the sanctuary beneath the amusement park. I can help you. Fine. Damn! - Hurry! - That's what I'm doing! Fuck! - It's stuck! - Okay, we need a knife. How can you live like this? This darkness, those creatures? It's all I've ever known. My reality. The darkness should have faded by now. Why hasn't it? So close to Alessa, two halves coming together again. It's changing the world. - What's going to happen? - I think that's up to you. Lakeside Amusement Park's over there and the entrance to the sanctuary. You think you can save him? I have to try. My dad gave up his life to protect me... Then I think he'd want you to leave. You don't know that. If he loved you he wouldn't want you to be in any danger. And if you loved someone you'd know that you never give up. Hey. No, wait. Get down. Look! Are they soldiers? Not really. We call them the Brethren the most devout servants of The Order. See the masks? They won't breathe the air of the darkness. They think it corrupts them. I hope you find him. I hope you live free and happy. It's more than I ever did. What are you talking about? Vincent, no! Alessa? Daughter. Sister. - Self! - No. I gave you life so you could live my dream. You're the pad of me that could be free of this pain! That could live and feel love. - Do you feel nothing? - Nothing but hate! - They say you are a demon. - They are right. You created this nightmare. Everyone has a different nightmare in Silent Hill. I am theirs. - I have to save my father. - He's not my father or yours. And sacrifices have to be made. Go to hell! Can't you see? We're already here. And you are not welcome! Do you think I won't destroy you! How can you? I am you. Time to take back what I gave you! Stop! We are one again. Dad! Sharon! Sharon! You don't hurl her. What do you want from me? Look around you. This was our sanctuary. Our last safe place from the darkness. And now even here has fallen to her evil. But we praise the god that you are here, finally. You have delivered us. I have done nothing for you. You have done everything. Defeated Alessa, rejoined the seal. You are the saviour. If I've done so much then let my father go. He cannot go. His blood will feed the newborn god just as your body will be its incubator. Why? Why me? It is your destiny. You have been chosen many years ago to be the vessel. The god can only be born through your flesh. And then we will be free from this prison to cleanse the world of its sins. And all we need is your body. No! You leave her alone! You have the Seal of Medatron. With it I can summon the god. Give it to me. Take it. I want to see the truth of what you are. - Dad! - Sharon. The ash it stopped because of you? No, it's not me. I think things are going to be different around here from now on. The Order's power is broken. Alessa's nightmare is over. She's gone. Another one will come. This is a place of lost souls. What's wrong? I can't leave. What? Why? I'm going to stay here. But, dad, we're free. - We're safe for the first time. - I'm going to find your mother. You save my life and I can never repay you. Rose is still trapped here somewhere. I'm going to find her. - Let me help you find her. - No. I promised her once you were safe, I'd come back. This is my task. You've done what you had to do. Now I want you to be free, finally. You understand why I have to do this? You are everything I could have ever wished for. I love you, baby. I love you too, dad. Vincent, look after my little girl, you hear. I don't think she needs me for that. Come on. Yeah. Come on in. Watch your step. - Thanks. - No problem. You're lucky I came by. I haven't been this way in a longtime. - Travis Grady. - Vincent. - Sharon. - Nice to meet you. Where are you two lovebirds heading? Just take us as far away from here as you can. - Amen to that. - You got it. TM by GLOBEPLUS Silent Hill: Revelation You can not beat me I do not go to Silent Hill Honey, it's okay. Cried... Yes? - Burn... - It was just a dream, sweetheart. Like when we went the first time. - The dream seemed different... - Listen... Once you unpack things and we painted the house... This will be our home. - Dreams will disappear. - My name them. Do not listen. Do not listen. Do you understand? I promise that no matter what happens , you're not going there. Okay. You had a rough night? Yes Daddy, do not want to go through that again. I know, honey. Spoon... "Heather." Why Heather? It was the name of my grandmother. You can choose another name, unless you like. No need. Heather is a good name. I was Sharon, Mary, Cathy. Now I'm Heather. And you were Christopher and now his name Harry. Is important, as we call it. I myself, are still the same i Manyyears Thanks, Dad, but you get a little ahead. Just a little. 'M A little excited because soon you'll get beautiful 18. - What happened? - Nothing. I love it. - Really? - Yes I saw you forget it when I was at the mall. Yes, yes. Thank you. I love it. 'Welcome, dear. Begin to say that hair gray hair, dad. Yes, because of you. - His hair is a bit harsh. - Yes, I know. I'll take care. I think I'll live a good life here. What do you think? Yes Lighten up. After unpacking we and I painted a house... - I think... - Do not do it, Dad. What happened? Exactly what you said, and in my dream. No. I have to go. Do not want to be late on the first day of school. Do not forget the rules. - Again and again, the new school. - Yes I did it. I know, I just... - You know I'm worried. - You do not. They are cautious. I'll be fine. I love you. And I love you, darling. Hey, Rose. I would like to have you near me. Things have been very difficult since you brought me Sharon. Christopher,theloveofmylife Rose Itriedto findyou Isearchedso long Honey,donothavemuch time attheir disposal Stuck. There is nothing you can do to save me protectourdaughter -Allthatmattersnow. - Why you can not go back foundSeal. But missing part of that Onlyonepersoncan gooutoftown decided -Whereis ourdaughter? - I'll look ... will look because they need I do not let them get their hands on it Whatwouldhappen, regardless of the consequences. Interest Sweartome thatyou willnotlet get your hands on it -I swear. - I brought back Now is your responsibility I will not ... Goodbye, love of my life Rose father Sharon Praise the Lord. Sharon. - You are here. - Father 'S OK Now you are safe. What happened? I do not remember anything. 'S OK you. .. You had a car accident. Where's Mom? - Mom saved you. - Where's Mommy? 'S In the sky now, honey. I apologize. I do not mean to scare you. - Sorry, what was that you said? - Are you okay? Yes, I'm fine. I do not want to have to deal with begging etorii, missy. I wanted to see if he needs help. Some people can not be ajutaþi. We met you? - I do not think. - I? I'm sure we met. - What is your name? - I have to catch the bus. Ok you back. Hope you have a good Christmas holiday time 'dliketo welcomeyou tothenewstudents, that will join us this semester HeatherMason. Youcan sendclass I Good. I'm Heather. New here. I just moved to the city, so... Comeon,Heather,partsand is the least of us that his life Weallhaveastory. Tell us your story wegrade3 What do you know? All his clothes are received alms? Well, you know what? Come to the door you want situation. This is the fifth school going through since I 11. My father and I move a lot. So do it often. Do not disturb you remember my name. I for one certainly will not be keeping the same name. Do not talk to me. Do not let's be friends. Not to speak with you on Messenger, Facebook and Tweeter . I read your blog. And I'm not going to share a obosiþi load my thoughts or activities. Because I've been there. E I. .. gives me guess... I do not think there are many smart people in this room. And when you get any of you to understand me and little spoon... I will not be here. - It is better for you? - Very impressive. Another student who will join our class is ... Vincent Cooper. Glumiþi? I can not compete with such speech. Damn! ArdethWitch -Ardethwitch! - No. -Ardethwitch! - No. -Pleaseleavemealone. - Ardeth Witch please Mori You are right. .? - What? - Are you okay? Why not you? You know what? I'm lost. Do not know where he taught math class. Do you have any idea? None. And I was lost. Hey, wanna go get some coffee? - No, we have hours. - Not now, later. - No. - Why not? We're both here. Do not know each other. I thin that the speech in the classroom for a reason. Really do not want to meet anyone here. Hi, honey. How was your first day of school? I think seeks man. What to do? Okay. Do not come home. We will meet somewhere. Meet me at the mall in the city center. - You need to make sure. - Okay, meet me near fast food. Fri fast as they can. Do you think someone in the know? Not. We nobody knows. Fri fast as they can. - I love you, Daddy. - And I love you. Manyyears,Heather Put ​​your a wish "Happybirthday,HEATHER" "Happybirthday,HEATHER" "Happybirthday,ALESSA" Sharon. Sharon Please, sir... Sharon,wait Daddy, Daddy... Father .. Sharon,wait Sharon Leave me alone! - It's okay. - No, it's okay. Nothing is wrong. Who are you? My name is Douglas and Charlton are private investigator. What do you want from me? They are paid to find people. Someone paid me to find you, Sharon. - Never call me. - His name is Sharon DaSilva. Or at least I think so. I followed since leaving Portland. You and Harry managed to hold the police, but all I found. What my father did there... Was in self-defense. I do not care who killed Harry. - Trying to help. - Keep away! Why? When I took appropriate not know who I work for, but now I know. Li Voltaire said Order. And you will. Minds. I do not understand. They know where you are. I even told them where you are. Coming behind you. I have to leave. Be quiet, I'm leaving. Stay away from me! Everything I told you a parent lie. Go to hell! I told the truth. You know why I can not remember anything from his childhood? I had a car accident. My mother died. I lost my memory. No! Have you suffered any car accident. Caught in a place called Silent Hill. But his mother managed to save it. I pulled it out. But now they will return. Ask your father. He knows... Tell me who I am. No! Please tell me. No! Left Sr. I'll help you, come on. "Junk" Two,giveyourbacknow Miss, you are not allowed here. Let's go back after the banda, please. Guys,pleasestaybehind clamp Wait a second. I need your wallet. Sir, please stay after banda DouglasCarlton 'S a private investigator from outside the city. - What do you have? - A police officer found a jacket there. -'s Blood. - Give him a team and their laws're criminals. To find out who the blood belongs. Heather Mason, Sharon DaSilva. - These girls? - Maybe she killed him. Tofindherand askedher. AndI all information about this Carlton alsoneedtheboxesandrecordshopping I want to see what happened here tonight Good. Found a dead man inside. Have you seen? Yes.. What happened? - I can not say. - It's okay. I can tell. No, I can, because I have no idea what happens in my head now. MeLeaveaMessage Father, call me when you hear this message . Please. Fez cold. Where's your coat? Here. Thank you. What happened? You see them and you? - Who do you mean? To run? - I. No matter. It's just one more thing that proves I'm crazy. Where is your home? A few blocks away. No, I mean before to your Mutha here. How so? Do nothing exact. Traveled with my father. Do you think there is a difference between dreams and reality? She never wanted to get in-depth discussions. No discussion on Facebook or to talk about personal things and more... Fuck Facebook. Do you think there is any difference? No, I never thought about it. - Everyone is thinking about it. - I and I. My life is very complicated and the way it is now. 'd Have to talk to my grandfather. This is all talk. A scared thinking about it. - I and you drove me crazy. - No, I mean insane. E led to health. While living in my hometown, My grandfather Leonard was committed to an asylum for the insane. He did this, he said that dreams do not exist. Only endless mixed realities. Mon Some people see foremen. Other people see... people. - And he was hospitalized for it? - Because my mother. - Jesus. - My mother is a little intimidating. There is no difference between fantasy and reality. -I donotthinkmyreality. - You think you like someone AtleastI'mmeandI think theyare. You, on the other far... Yes, you are very real and very beautiful. How pathetic replica of Agatha. Already paid? I've never tried. How was that? It was a crime against replica Agatha. You're funny, Heather. My life is very confusing, but not know what to say .. I think you're crazy inside. Crazy... It would be a change. Finally, here is my home. - Thanks for directed. - I'd like to do it again. Vincent, you're cute, but... - I like to think that you know me. - I. No you do not. I'll call you later. Do I, but not my number. 'll See. Father? Father! "COME ON SILENT HILL" Daddy! Father! Father Father! Heather, I'm Vincent. I heard þipând. Is everything okay? I need your help. Look Is that blood? - You called the police? - I can not. - Why not? You can help. - It just can not! - Right? - Right. Do you even know where these Silent Hill? No it is not .. 'S something I dreamed. My father... Warned me not to go there again. Meetthissymbol It continuedhere = = "SHARON" - This is your mother? - And Rose, my adoptive mother. Wasadopted Yes,I knowbiologicalparentsnever - You wrote this? - Yes - You know what? - I. Still seems to have a piece that fits here. A gun? Why do you need a gun? - Miss Mason police. - I thought you said you did not call. - I never called. - Why am I here? - What is it, Heather? - I gotta go. If they catch me, I'll never find my father. If they catch you? Why did you pick? - What did you do? - Nothing! I did nothing, I swear. - Help me. - What do you do? - Can the OFA? - What? I can and OFA. You can? Santini, come here. Want a mobile crime? Here. What the hell happened here? I thought it was a sign mafioþi bands? I think not. But I've never seen anything like it. Call forensic boys and tell them to come here. -Andthegirl? .. - Is murder suspect MydearSharon... Ifyouhavereadthis meansthatI happenedto You'reonyourown now I do not try to meet Andwhatwouldhappen,didnotgo toSilentHill promisedhismotherthatI'll protectyou,butIthinthe word Iknowyouthinkyouevade thepolice , Ikilledthatman inPortlandtwoyearsago /. i not a can to protect forever father Butthetruthis... Man was not only a thief WrapWillthingsgo wassentto yougotoSilentHill partoftheOrder. I knew these people go, they need you. I do not know why, but will do their best to as possible to bring the city Ihaveto oppose Itriedto belonginsurance Inevermeanttolie, but I had no choice You'll learn the truth by reading My notiþele. Or at least I knew how and I hope when you read my notiþele, you can understand who you really PleasetoforgivemebecauseIdidnot tellthe truth ButI didit to protectyou I love you, Sharon Are you okay? You stop the car? Not. Tosay very I know it's scary, but what write here is pure madness. Listenhere:."SilentHillwasoriginallyaprisoncolony , built on land taken indigenous Indians" "Theycallthisplace: PlaceSpirits silence." never accumulates an indigenous territory. I think everyone knows that. Writeandthat:"Theywere religiousfanaticsandOrder designated Voltaire" " secretly led city during the last 100 years .. "Waita childborn To be a receptacle for your God.". "What,then,would risen and would have made a new world. " apocalyptic tone that sounds like a fool. Yes I found a newspaper article. " Fire in coal mines outside control " ".. Thecitystillburningunderground World was forced to evacuate the city" But my father did not think so. Do? City CICA was cursed by a demon powers depict child has. Hisnameis Alessa. Order tried to purify with fire. Do not success. And Alessa chose to retaliate, invokinga worldof darkness , filled with terrifying creatures CICAthiscreatureisAngelandhistormentors. We should stop. - No, I want to get there. - I'm tired. Need to rest, and you too. Do you think we'll find? After all, we'll find someone. - You think I'm out of town? - I. No, I think we're very close. And also do not think it is a good idea to go there. - What? - I think your father is right. I do not think we should be to go to Silent Hill. Need to find. You saw what he wrote in his notiþele. Whether running. - Vincent... - No, listen to me. Order whatever you want. I think Harry kidnapped. - Do you back in town. - I have no choice. - I understand this? - I understand. Just... PATH're just do not want something. I did not sleep at all? Not. Can not move. I wore this discussion. I have to go. - Why do not you trust me? - I do it for my dad. You do not understand. - I understand. - I did not. How could you? Because I am a child of the Order. What? I was born and grew up in Silent Hill. I was chosen to come to this world, let me assure you that you will return in Silent Hill. Not. No, that's impossible. In notiþele my father writes that the end is stuck in Silent Hill. Is possible that some go only for a short period of time, but this requires sacrifice. E I. .. suffer. Waschosenforthis - How could you do this to me? - My whole life I was taught, Ie, every order I was you learn that Alessa is the largest river in the world. She locked us in Silent Hill. He ​​brings darkness on earth. And you... and you are part of this river. But I know that is not true. Now that I've spent this time with you, I know you is not bad Like... If you are part of Alessa... This means that you are part of his innocence. - You lied before. - I had to do. I'm watching. Q spirits and protects the world. And I saw you. You kidnapped father. Please believe me, I had nothing to do with it . - Sorry. - Why they took him and not me? Because you have to go back voluntarily. They took him because knew you would come after him. Why so important? Cause Order can not be free until you get rid of Alessa. Block Her powers keeps us there and can not be destroyed until and not a whole. - You will make this possible. - And my father? - Live and you? - Yes, but not for long. My mother, Claudia, I always keep him alive after the get what you want. - Where is he? - The shrine in the city. - Wait, Heather. - I. You need it. Need to find himself and the other half, and You only you can save her father. The other part is my grandfather. Who is the insane asylum? Yes His name is Leonard Woolf - It's dangerous. Let me help you. - Do not let me go. - Please, listen to me. - I. -Whatis happening? - Darkness is coming approach .. What is happening? Connects! Do they stop - You did it. - I. I did not do it. How well could I do this? Because you are part of Alessa. Now that you're so close to the city, darkness has left to wrap it up. Vincent, what happens? I do not know. Vincent! WELCOME TO SILENT HILL Ardeth Witch I should not be here willuseyou We all suffer now. I know who you are. You're her mother. Pick Mama. As you can burn them and say daughter? No, I loved it. 'SOkay,honey Right. Everythingwillbealright wastricked Ineverwantedpãþeascã = = Where Take me Mom! Mother Alessa was more special. She was the only one who could survive the fire, he was chosen. I do not! Not But it was only lead to our destruction. You got what meritaþi. Yes, and became the demon mother. But you're her daughter. What do you mean? Fire did not kill Alessa, but suffered greatly. Painwasonlyappeasethewrath thathehad Angerbecauseincreasedhis powers... ... be achieved by neînþeles. Alessa knew some of that could be my pain. So, I participated and innocent soul and put it in a newborn to an orphanage. You. Hewastakentoa secrethere, beincreasedsomeparents I loved and knew him not You is the only part of Alessa who knows the feeling of love. You hate the balance. I do not have to return. Because now you sent that I never had... One way to destroy it in and you Alessa. Where is my father? Do not you do you can save without damage. I do not care. Tell me what you know. Iknowthedarknessiscoming In'reinsurance Run Run not. What? Help me. Not. Run. Law. I will help. - What happened? - Run. Come. Who's coming? Go! Run! - How so? - I was wrong... And we lost in fog... "EXIT" No! Come! No! Way. Run! Go! My own son... My mom, please... ... betrayed us. Sheisnotbad Does corrupted his mind with darkness. You're too young to handle this task... I understand. You created Alessa. Your darkness reflects poorly on us. - It's not his fault. - I have no guilt? - You're crazy, like his grandfather. - Kill him! Make your him suffer - May God judge you! - No! You have completed the task. Even with dementia sufferers you still managed to bring it to us. - A sick mind can be treated. - I. Mother, please do not. - Take it to the hospice. Trataþi it. - I. Not. "Hospice" Leonard. Youthinksomeoneknowsus I do not I do not no one knows us. Bye Ok I Love You Leonard Wolf. Ok S-12. 12. Leonard. Good child. Please come closer, I could get. I think not. - Claudia sent? - Claudia? - Yes - I. He put here. My own daughter told me that darkness corrupt. He said he is a monster. It's much worse than me. And is also corrupted by darkness same. - I am looking for my father. - He lost? 'S Silent Hill. Silent Hill There are many sites. Are you sure it's here? Vincent said you knew... Normal said. Traitor . My own family turned against me! Listener. You can hear him cry when through torture treatment. 'S Here? More to go, to treat him in the head? Just how do you treat it? Well .. I'm just... an ongoing project. I have half. - Help me at all? - Listen... 'M Blind Child. I can see what you have. Put ​​it in my hand and I'll try to help you. Do not worry. Come. - You know what - I was the leader of the Order. How Seal not know Metatron? She stole and used it to escape with this child. Without it we can not invoke God. So it really is fundamental. How open? True nature of things. E had to find the other half. But you've ever encountered. Other half of me. Whereareyougoing? Not Connects! Connects! Now... You see the true face. You're a demon. Need to be killed. I do today Two halves together. Now is complete. Alessa? I am you may feel? You know I'm here, is not it? You know I Metatron Seal. - Omorâþi it! - Somebody help me. Not. Back! And you too! Back! - Caution! - Back! Plecaþi here! How do I find my dad? - Heather, help me. - Tell me where it is thin. Shrine at the amusement park. I can help. Okay. Faster! Canmoveas fastc Damn . Connects! - Heather interrupts. - Need a knife. How can you live in such conditions? In the darkness of this and with these things? That's all I know. This is my reality. Darkness would have to pass before. - Why not spend? - Because you're closer to Alessa. The fact that you two have found you, change the world. What will happen Thatdependson you AsI wassaying... Amusementpark there stillexistsandenterthesanctuary Do you think you can save him? Must try. Father and gave life to protect me. - I think I want you to leave here. - You do not want to know. If you love, I would not be in danger. And if you love me someone, you know you will never discard it. No, wait! Sit. - Look. - I somehow soldiers? Not true. We call them "brothers." Devotaþi are the servants of the Order. Headset Do you see me? They breathe air during darkness. They believe the dark air kills. Hope you find yourself. I hope live're free and happy. It's more than I ever could. What are you talking about? Vincent not, - Alissa? - Daughter. Sister. - Are one and the same thing I - I. I gave you can live life to my dream. You're part of me can escape this pain , can live and feel love. Do not you feel anything? Nothing hate They say you are a demon. - I was right. - You created this nightmare. Everyone has a different Silent Hill nightmare. - I am your nightmare. - I have to save my father. He's not my father, not his. And I have to make sacrifices. Go to hell! You do not realize until now? We're already in hell. And you're not welcome here! Do you think I will not kill? I do not care. I'm you. 's Time to take back what was I give! Help me! We are one and the same person. Father! Sharon! Sharon... Not hurt! What do you want from me? Look around you. This was our sanctuary. Last place to live safe distance from the darkness. And now, its river far. But thank God you came, finally, here. - You saved us. - I did nothing to you. You did everything. You defeated Alyssa. Did you complete seal. You are our savior. If I did so many things for you, Then let my father go. You can not leave. Blood of God will feed the newborn .. And your body will host soul. Why? - Why me? - The way she was predestined. You have been chosen to be the host his soul. Only God can get reborn. And we will be released from this prison and cleanse the world of sinners i And we only need... your body. Not. Leave her alone. You Seal Metatron. With its help you can trust God. Give it to me. Take it, I want to see its true face. - Father! - Sharon. AshA... hadstoppedfallingfromthesky - You did this? - No, I did it. I think from now Things will be different here. Order was destroyed. And Chosen nightmare is over. - Desaparecidos. - Someone will come as bad as her. This is the soul of the lost city. What happened? - I can not leave. - Why? - Should remain here. - Father, but we are free. We're safe. - For the first time. - I'll find her mother. You saved my life. You will continue to be eternally grateful for that. But Rose is still stuck somewhere around here. - I'll find. - Let me help you find yourself one. None. I promised that after will be safe, I'll look. This is my job. Did you finish your homework. I wanna be free, finally. Understand why should I do that? You're everything I wanted. - I love you, darling. - I love you, Daddy. Vincent, take care of my daughter. Do you understand? Do not think my help is needed. Let's get out of here. Yes Urcaþi. Make sure scãriþã. - Thanks. - I do. Way you have luck here. I have been here before. - My name is Grady Traves. - I'm Vincent. - I'm Sharon. - Nice to meet you. Where you point the lovebirds? Takeushere - I agree with what she said. - I understand. By TM GLOBEPLUS Sharon! She's not here. Oh, God. Christopher, can you see anything? Sharon! Sharon! She's there. Sharon! Honey! Sharon! Wait for Mommy! Sharon! Wait. Sharon! Honey! Oh, my God. Sharon! Home. Home. No! Home! Home! We're going home. Silent Hill! Silent Hill! Rose! Wake up. Hey. It's ok, sweetie. It's ok. We're here now. It's ok. It's ok. It's ok, baby. We're going right home. What are we gonna do? We'll get there. We'll find a way through this. We'll find a way. No. She said it again. I know. Come on, baby. Calm down, baby. It's ok. It's ok, baby. We're right here. It's ok. It's ok. It's ok, baby. Wanna see? Sure. What are you doing there, pumpkin? This is an amazing lion. Did you do that all by yourself? I'm so impressed with you, honey. Hey, you know we're going on a special trip, don't you? Do you know where we're going? No? Honey, sometimes when you go to sleep, you go on a little walk. And sometimes you talk about a place. Called Silent Hill. I don't remember. Oh, that's ok, sweetie. That's why we're gonna go there, so you can remember. Daddy's not coming? No, sweetie. It's gonna be just you and me. Hey. Hey. Break's over, sweetie. You awake? You wanna go? Damn it, Rose. What's going on? Hi, this is Rose Da Silva. Please leave a message, and I'll call you back. Oh, no, Rose. No. Honey, you're awake? Long drive. Can I ask you something, sweetie? Why did you change your pictures? I didn't. Mommy? You can't remember? No. I don't like that, Mommy. Baby, you can't remember doing this? Who did that? Hey, hey, baby, it's ok. Mommy, who did that? It's ok, honey. Mommy's here. Can you wait in the car for me? Can I sit in front? Of course you can sit in the front. ok. Jimmy, we need a ham and cheese on white. Hi. I just wanna pay for the gas. And can you tell me the best way to get to Silent Hill? I can't seem to find it on the map. Why do you wanna go there? I. I read about it. Road don't go through no more. Your card was declined. Hey there. Is everything all right? Don't talk to strangers. Good girl. All right. Well, thanks for your help. Why did you cut off the cards? That's not gonna stop me from taking her there. Listen honey, we gotta put Sharon in a hospital. She needs constant care, and she needs medication. The medication doesn't work. She's getting worse every day. Honey, the adoption people said Sharon came from West Virginia. And Silent Hill is in West Virginia. I'm not giving up on her, Chris. I'm not. Have you actually read the websites, Rose? Yes, Chris, I read them. Just trust me on this, please? Just trust me on this. Listen, honey. I love Sharon every bit as much as I. Chris, I gotta go. I love you. Need any help, ma'am? No, we're... we're fine, thanks. We're fine. Are we there? Not yet, honey. Keep your seat belt fastened, honey. Hey! Mommy! It's ok. It's just the radio. I'm turning it off. Mommy! Sharon? Sharon! Somebody! Help! Please! We've had an accident! Anybody! Sharon. Honey. Ashes. Sharon! Sharon! Wait! Sharon! Wait! Sharon! Sharon? Honey? What's happening? Mommy. Sharon. Sharon? Sharon? Hello? Hey! Wait! Hey! Sharon. Sharon. Sharon. No! Help me! Help. Help me. Help. Someone! Shit! Get off me! Get off! Get off! Get off! Get off me! No! Get off me! No! Get off me! Get off me! Get off! Only the dark one opens and closes the door to Silent Hill. Please. I don't know what's happening. Do you know what's going on here? My daughter. I'm looking for my daughter. I'm afraid that she's been hurt. We've all lost our children. Our light. They deceived me. Their evil. Their hate. They hurt my child. They did terrible things to her. Alessa. This is my daughter, Sharon. She sleepwalks, so you have to be careful but if you see her, please, tell her to wait for me. Yes, she's mine. It was mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine! It's mine! Get off me! Into the fire she swallowed their hate. Hi there. Yeah. Listen, my wife, she came through here last night. Maybe you saw her? Daughter worked night shift. Actually, she was heading for this place, Silent Hill. How do I get there? You don't. Town's closed down because of the coal fire. Still burning underground, you know? Breathe enough of them fumes, oh, bound to kill you. Ok. Where's the turnoff? Sharon? Come on. Hi, this is Chris. Please leave a message. Christopher, it's me. I'm in Silent Hill. I'm sorry, I made a mistake. Sharon's lost, but I think I know where she is. So I'm going to the school to look for her. I'm not ok, all right? I need your help. Please, please, hurry. Fuck. Come on! Ma'am, I want you to put both hands on the wheel. Put both hands on the wheel. Where's the little girl, ma'am? Please, my daughter, she's gone. I need your help. Get out of the car. What? Move it. Jesus, what are you doing? You're under arrest. What? Why? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used, What the hell for? Against you in a court of law. I don't think you understand. There's something weird going on here. My daughter Sharon, she's in danger. If you really cared about that, you wouldn't have sped off. Listen to me, she's ill. She sleepwalks. Just calm right down. I'm gonna find the little girl. Officer Bennett to base, over. Base, do you copy, over? Shit. You're bleeding. Cracked my head on the road pretty good when my bike went down. I must have been out for a while. You all right to walk? Sure. Then it looks like we'll be hiking back to Brahams. What? You're going back to the station. Are you kidding? Nope. Have you heard a single word I've said? Yeah, I hear you. Have you heard a single word I've said? I'm sure she's at the school, we just need to turn around. Silent Hill. Sorry. Sharon... lost. Think I know where... going to the school to look for her... I'm not ok. I need your. Your help. Please, hurry! Sorry, sir, this road is closed. You'll have to turn around. I'm looking for my wife. She may have come through here. She drives a Jeep Liberty. Silver, Ohio plates. Sir, this man's wife was driving the Jeep. Bring him down. Come on. You've seen her? Where is she? Inspector Thomas Gucci. Enjoying the weather, are you? For God's sake, I'm trying to find my wife. I know. Hang on a second. Now, that vehicle you were talking about, we found it. It's at the end of the bridge here, but it's empty. We've got no indication anyone's come under any harm. Good Christ. Now, you mind telling me what your wife's doing up here, Mr.? Da Silva, Chris Da Silva. My pleasure, Chris Da Silva. The faster we start looking, the faster we're gonna find her. All right, all right, hold your horses, hold your horses, Chris. I've also got a missing deputy. And knowing Officer Cybil Bennett the way I do. She's probably out there looking for your wife and daughter. Bobby, make sure no one comes through that barricade. We're gonna get our asses up to Silent Hill. Let's take a look around. Yes, sir. While Chris here tells me what's going on. She disappeared yesterday. I spoke to her. When she stopped for gas in Brahams. Why were you coming up here in the middle of the night? I thought it would help her. You people. You get off the highway. From whatever big city, bringing all your sick problems with you. Why aren't you listening to me? We had a guy come up here two years ago. Snatched a little boy from a rest stop, dropped him into a mine vent. I never wanna see anything like that again. Look, I don't know what you're thinking, but you're not helping. There is no way I would ever harm my own daughter. How do I even know she is your daughter? Come on. What the hell? Ok. Now do you see what I'm talking about? Will you take these handcuffs off me? No. Get walking. There's a fire-lookout tower on the far side of Toluca Lake. It should have a radio. Fuck you, you stupid cop. This place is completely cut off. You have no idea what's going on. Hey! Hey, you up there! I'm a police officer! What's going on? What is that? Stand back. Jesus Christ, shoot it. Stay where you are! Stop! Sharon! Rose. Mrs. Da Silva, I am an officer of the law. And I will take you to safety. Mrs. Da Silva, I am an officer of the law. And I will take you to safety. Why don't you let me do that? Please. Ninety percent of the time Chris when a wife takes a run. She takes the daughter to a place like this. I'd say she's damn mad at her husband. You like hauling skeletons out of your family closet? No. Not all the time but we're driving on top of them right now. Coal fire's still burning underneath. You see the barbershop over there? Used to be my father's. Your father? He's dead. November '74, when the fire caught. They tried to evacuate this place as quick as they could. But it was hellish, people were dying and... disappearing, hell they couldn't even find half the bodies. That was the end of Silent Hill. These were good people, most of them. Some, you might say deserved it. A little bit. Sharon! Sharon. Where are you hiding? Burn the witch! Alessa Gillespie. Hey! Hey! Wait! It's ok. It's gonna be ok. I promise I'm gonna help you. Come on. Oh, God. Come on. Help me. Oh, God. Please, please. Help me. Help. Help me. Please, help me. Help me. Help me, please. It's happening again. Help me! Please! Please! Come on! Come on! Rose! Sharon! Rose! Rose! Rose. Rose! Put your mask on. Rose, where are you? I felt her. You what? Her perfume. She was here. Who was? My wife. She wasn't here. Put this mask on. Perfume. Breathe. Through that mask. Come on, let's go. We're gonna go this way. Chris, come on. She was here. She was here. No, no, she wasn't here. I know it. Come on. Come on. Let's keep looking. Get off! Get off! Get off! Get me that pipe. Rose, the pipe! Ok. ok. I got it. I got it. Quick, come on! Can we get out of here? We're trapped. Last mag. That's all the bullets you got? Yeah. Thanks. You hear that? That's him. Stay down! Stay down! Jesus Christ. Get down! Get down! Get down! Shit! What? What the fuck? What the fuck? You saw that, right? That was real? What the fuck is going on? All right, I know this is crazy. I know. We gotta calm right down, because my kid is not here. And I've gotta find her before this happens again. I don't even know where to start. I found this. It's from a hotel. I don't know where it is, but she is in this hotel. Hotel? Hey. It's gonna be ok. We're gonna be ok. Now, don't be trying anything Chris, all right? We got men up here all night long. We're gonna find your wife, we're gonna find your daughter. Can't have civilians wandering around on their own. You're not telling me everything. What really happened up here? Just let it rest in peace. Directory assistance. Toluca County Archives, please. One moment. Archives? Yeah, listen... Do you have the records there from Silent Hill? Which records, sir? The police records. Sorry, sir, those records are confidential. No, no, I can't. No, listen, I... Sorry, sir, I can't access that information. Listen, goddamn it. I... Sir. This is an emergency. I can't. I can't help you. They used to say this place was haunted. I think they were right. Help! No! Stay away. Come on. Stay away, sinner. Get back! Hey. Hey. It's here. Faith is our destroyer. Faith has brought us doom. Get back! Hey, hey! Get back! Hey, stop. Think you of thee who cast the first stone. Lambs without a shepherd, shepherd without a flock. It's your sins which hold you here. Stop your lies! Calm down. Calm down, it's ok. We're not gonna hurt you. She's gone. What's your name? Anna. My name is Anna. What's going on here, Anna? Who was that? I've seen her before. Dahlia was cast out. Not even the darkness wants her. She's lost her daughter too. What? Sinners deserve to lose their spawn. What are you doing here, Anna? Mother needs more food. You mean there are other people here? Christabella keeps us safe. Anna. We take refuge in the church. Anna, listen to me. I've lost my daughter. She's all alone. Can you imagine how frightened she must feel? Tell me, have you seen her? Do you know where she is? If she has faith, she might survive. If not. I'm taking this. Have you seen this? I've seen it at the school. It's on all the buildings the elders of my elders built. It's a symbol of our unity, a symbol of our faith. Rose! Look at this. What is it? Just like yours. Where did you find it? They're all over the floor. Rose. Check this out. What number did you take this from? 111. We gotta go to room 111. Gucci. Directory assistance. Yeah. Toluca County Orphanage, please. One moment, please. Yes, I have that information for you. Yeah. Can you give me that address? We are wandering far from refuge here. Let's keep her with us. She's all we got. There's no room 111. The first burning. What is it, Anna? The first burning. Before the town had a name. The elders of my elders kept us pure. The founders of this town were witch-hunters. Burning the witch held back the darkness. It stopped the apocalypse. It's here. There's a room in here. Look at this. Here. Damn. What is this place? I don't know. We're in the next building. Some factory, maybe? Looks like there was a fire. Hey. Rose! Who are you? It's ok. Don't be scared. I promise I'm not gonna hurt you. Rose! Ok. Come on. Come on. It's ok. Hey. Hey. It's ok. It's ok. I'm not gonna hurt you. Oh, my God. You could be her twin. Are you Alessa? Where's my Sharon? Look at me. I'm burning. Rose! Rose? Oh My God. How did you get over there? Where is she? Grab onto it. Now swing back around. Ok. Are you all right? Yeah. What the hell were you doing over there? You're gonna get yourself killed. I think I just saw Dahlia's daughter. She was the one that brought us here. What are you talking about? She was the one that made me crash my car. Alessa. We don't say her name. That's the seal, isn't it, Anna? The symbol of your faith? Something terrible happened here. We have to leave. We have to leave! The darkness is coming! Let's go. Let's go! The church isn't far. Run. Rose, come on! Run! Rose! Hurry! Rose. Come! We gotta go. Rose. Come on. I've seen this. Rose, let's go! Cybil! Rose, come on. Cybil! You run not towards sanctuary but from your fears. Do not join the others. They are deceivers. They are damned. We gotta get inside. No! They are wolves in the skin of sheep. They brought about their own hell. They'll take you with them. Filth and lies! Hey! Stop it! Please. I've seen your daughter. I've seen Alessa. It's coming! She's dead, isn't she? Fire doesn't cleanse, it blackens. Listen to me. Rose, hurry! She looks exactly like Sharon. She brought us here, didn't she? Why? What does she want? Evil wakes in vengeance. Be careful what you choose. Rose! Oh, God, no. Witches! She's evil. Keep away the witches! No. Send them back! No. We're lost. This is a sanctuary. Please, Christabella, they lured my Anna. They gave her to the fiend. Eleanor, you must remember that Anna went against our laws. She went alone outside into the devil's playground. She was not the responsibility of these two strangers. We'll deal with them later. Now we must pray. And then I saw them. From whose presence earth and heaven fled away. And no home was left to them. And then I saw them. From whose presence earth and heaven fled away. And no home was left to them. And I saw the dead, the great and the small. And they were judged according to their deeds. And I saw the dead, the great and the small. And they were judged according to their deeds. And anyone's name not found written in the book of life. They will be thrown into the lake of fire. And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake. I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen. All right, girls, into bed. Quickly, now. No better place to be on a rainy night. In you go, Lindsey, thattagirl. You've got your bear, that's a girl. No. No talking after lights are out. Good night, children. And God bless. I'm sorry, Sister Margaret, this really can't wait. I can't imagine why. Nine years ago. A baby was left outside this orphanage. My wife and I were the ones who adopted her. I'm very happy for you, Mr. Da Silva. But I can't give out information on our children. Look. That girl, she looks exactly like my daughter. I can't help you, I'm sorry. It's late. She must be 40 now. Where can I find her? This story isn't hers alone. But all of ours! You people. You got yourself something... You know what you got now, Chris? How about breaking and entering? By the looks of this, a little assault as well. Thank you, Thomas. This can't go any farther. It won't, Sister. You know, I have some 12 year old. Who cover their tracks better than you do. What's this? Look, Gucci, do you know her? Is that my daughter's birth mother? Look, turn around. What are you doing? I knew that girl. I did. I was told she didn't make it through the night. The night of the fire. The night of the big fire in Silent Hill. There were these people. These fanatics. What they did to that child was terrible. That was 30 years ago, and it's over now. Not as far as I'm concerned. What's it gonna be, city boy? I... I can put you in jail. Or you can go home. And that's your definition of justice? Many different forms of justice, Chris. See, you've got man's, God's. And even the devil's. Certain forms you just can't control. So I want you to go home now. To your nice warm bed. And let me deal with this town. And what has happened over the last 30 years. Ok? End of story. Tell me first how you got here. Honestly, I don't know how I got here. Right now, I've lost my little girl. And all I know is that I'm supposed to be in this church. Are you a person of faith? I love my daughter. That's not what I asked. Who are you to judge? We judge because the souls of history hang in the balance. Because our faith has never failed us. Our faith keeps the darkness of hell at bay. Then use your faith to help me find my little girl. Only the demon knows where she is. Then tell me, where do I find this demon? No one has ever returned from the core of the darkness. Where the demon lies in wait. She's not gonna help us. Let's go. If you wish to face the demon to find your daughter. I won't stop you. Christabella, they can't go down... Silence, Adam. Perhaps your faith will protect you. Perhaps not. If you don't wanna do this. I'll understand. Sharon's adopted. But I'm her mother. I knew that from the moment I first laid eyes on her. She's lucky to have you. Mother is God in the eyes of a child. Quiet. We're in his domain now. Look at this map. Memorize it. Your memory may save your life. Do you see this room? Yeah. That is where the darkness lies. The demon is in the bowels of this building. It hides behind the face of an innocent. You mean a child? Don't believe your eyes. Your eyes will lie to you. Faith is the only truth. I will pray for you, Rose. But I won't expect you and your friend to return. Goodbye. Adam. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Take them to the lower level. In the basement? Do it, then return. Left. 3A. But. Right. 4A. I said, do it. Left. Left. Right. Rose. Rose. Left. Right. Left. Left. Rose, she's killing you. Rose! Let me do this. I need to do this. Take this. They'll be drawn to the light, but you won't be able to see without it. Thank you. So this thing actually works? It will. If the demon wants you, it will. Forgive me. We've lived too long as scavengers. I believe this is yours. Witch! Her child is the likeness of Alessa. Her child is the next vessel. Stop her! Stop her! Don't let the witches go down! Come on! Get off her! Find her. No! Wait! Cybil! Cybil! Open the door! No! 8A. 7 A. Right. Right. 6A. 4A. 3A. Left, left. Right, right. Left, left. Ok. I can do this. Congratulations, Rose. You're here. You did it. Your reward, is the truth. Did you see that Alessa was a good little girl? Even though nobody looked at her that way. Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Their parents told them she was bad. She didn't have a father like they did. Alessa was alone in the world. You know what can happen to little girls when they're left alone. It's ok, it's me, come on. Even her mother couldn't help. Even though she loved her baby. But the rest of the family didn't love Alessa. They were just like the others and made her scared. We know. Even the children know it. Your daughter. Why you won't just name the father. You've brought sin amongst us. The faithful must gather in judgment. For we are called to purify this filth. What does she mean, Mommy? You're weak, my dear sister. You always were. Trust us, Dahlia. Have faith in our virtue. We will restore innocence. They had met many times since the town was built. To restore innocence and purity. They had a special place for that. Do you remember the hotel? I led you to all these places. And you were very good at following my clues. You may leave, Dahlia. We fight the sin, not the sinner. Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! You know how that feels, don't you, Rose? To lose your little girl? What have I done? Oh, God. Weep not for the demon. No! Once again we are locked in mortal battle. They thought they knew how to cast out evil. Praise God for our clarity. Amen. Praise the innocent for their sacrifice. But you should be careful how you fight evil. They give us back our purity. Purity. And our unity. Unity. Your weapons can turn back on you. No. No. Now you know why Dahlia is broken. She tried to get help. But she went too late. Get her up, boys. Get her up now! There were good people in the town. People like you, Rose. People who like to help. Alessa was so lonely and hurt and scared. They should have known better than to hurt her so badly. When you're hurt and scared for so long. Your fear and pain turn to hate. And the hate starts to change the world. Alessa's hate grew and grew, burning inside her. Her hate got so strong. She even hurt someone who was only curious. That's when I came. I told her it was their turn. I promised they would all fall into her darkest dream. Now, Rose, we must talk. Don't be afraid. She won't hurt you. She needs your help. Who is she? She is Alessa. Then who are you? I have many names. Right now, I'm the dark part of Alessa. Where's my child? She's not your child. She's hers. The little girl is what's left of her goodness. We hid her in safety. In the world outside this hell. Now the dream of this life must end. And so, too, must the dreamers within it. For over 30 years. They've lied to their own souls. For 30 years they've denied their own fate. But now is the end of days. And I am the reaper. What do you want? All we ask for is satisfaction. Satisfaction? Revenge. Why me? You chose. You chose Sharon. Christabella will find Sharon. She plans to purify her. Oh, God, no. Their blind conviction repels me from their church. I cannot enter while they deny their fate. But you can. Just tell me what I need to do. Tell them the truth. The child is mine! Mine! She's mine. She's mine! The truth is clear to those who see. Just as I could see you had this child. Let's go. Out of the car. Turn around. Just a friendly warning. I'll be back with people who know what they're doing. Before you do that, Chris, I wanna tell you about Officer Bennett. Few years back, some wacko, he abducted a kid. Threw him down a mine vent up there in Silent Hill. Cybil Bennett, she found that boy. She spent three days holding onto him. Keeping him alive until they were rescued. We know what we're doing. I need to do everything I can. Let's go. Please. Please Christabella, let her live. Your weakness led these souls to judgment. This time you will bear witness. She is innocent, look at her. She's the whelp of your daughter. The demon! The demon fathered this disgusting abomination from her child! No, she's mine! Sharon. Sharon, look at me. Look at me. Don't be afraid. It's ok, it's ok. Your mama's coming. Once again we are called upon to restore innocence. We burn this witch. We vanquish evil. No. You can't. You can't. Don't let her say this! No! We burn the child! We fight the demon! She's just a child! What the fuck is wrong with you people? Let her go! Leave her alone! Leave her alone! Those who aid the demon. They must be cleansed by the fire from whence they came. That's crazy. You're crazy. No! Why are you listening to this? Why? Burn the witch! Burn her! Sharon. Evil witch! Suffer. Oh, my God. Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! You're in your own hell. Mama, be with me. Here is where the apocalypse began. This is where we stopped the annihilation of the world. We drew a line in the sand and said: Demon, you will not cross! But the demon is wicked, full of treachery. Yet again he comes to tempt us in the guise of an innocent. To rid the world of this demon. We must burn this child! That's not gonna happen! Mommy! It's ok, baby. Everything's gonna be ok. Oh, my God. Witch! Oh, my God. What have you people done? You have returned. Yes, I have. The witch has returned. Do not believe her lies. I come from a world outside this place. I come from a world full of life! Why don't you tell them the truth. Tell them the truth that you deny, even to yourself. There was no apocalypse! You burned in the fire that you started. And nothing can save you because you're already damned! Mommy! Take her. Burn her. Burn her as a witch. Burn her! Burn her! Demon witch! Burn me? Demon witch. That's your answer. Burn anything you're afraid of. Burn anything you can't control. This woman uses your fear to control you. She led you to burn Alessa Gillespie. She led you to burn an innocent child. But you will not deny your guilt. And you cannot deny her pain! That child was sin incarnate. No, it's you who have sinned. You darkened the heart of an innocent. And now you cower in the face of Alessa's revenge. Sinner. Heresy. Burn her. Burn her! Your faith brings death! You are alone in this limbo. And God is not here. Mommy! She was a blasphemer. Blasphemer! Blasphemer! What have you done? You've brought the darkness in with you. Do you know what you've done? For Sharon. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy! Oh, Lord, give me the strength to stay pure. No! No! Alessa, what have you become? Mommy! Sharon! Sharon, honey, it's me. It's Mommy. Down! We're getting down. Shut your eyes. Shut your eyes, baby. Shut your eyes. Shut your eyes. Shut your eyes. Shut your eyes. It's just a bad dream. It's just a bad dream. Why did she not take me with the others? Because you're her mother. Mother is God in the eyes of a child. I love you. Hi, this is Chris. And this is Rose. And I'm Sharon Da Silva. Please leave a message! Christopher, it's me. I'm with Sharon. Hello? Hello? Rose? Rose? Yeah. We're coming home. (AIR RAID SIREN WAILING) (PANTING) (BREATHING HEAVILY) (SCREAMS) (GROWLING) (MUFFLED SCREAMS) You cannot defeat me. Do not go to Silent Hill. (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING CONTINUES) Honey, it's okay. I'm here. Dad? I was burning. Hey, come on, kiddo. It was just a dream. It's always like this when we move. This feels different. Hey, look. Once we've unpacked, and given this place a lick of paint, it'll be our home, yeah? The dreams will fade. They're calling me. Don't listen. I want you to promise me that whatever happens, you'll never go there. Okay. (PANTING) Shit. Rough night? Yeah. Dad, I don't want to do this again. I know, honey. Yeah. Spoons. (CHUCKLES) "Heather." Why Heather? It was my grandmother's name. You can change it if you don't like it. No, no. Heather's fine. I was Sharon, then Mary, then Cathy. Now Heather. You were Christopher and now you're Harry. Names don't matter. I'm still me. (CLEARS THROAT) Happy birthday, you. Dad, thank you! But you're early. Just a little. Can't a dad indulge his soon-to-be 18-year-old daughter? What's wrong? Nothing. I love it. I love it. Yeah. Yeah? It is the one I saw you looking at in the mall. Yeah, yes. Thank you. I love it. I love it so much. You're welcome, honey. You're getting a little bit gray there, Dad. Your fault. Your roots are showing. Yeah, I know. I'll fix it. I think this place is gonna be good for us, you know? What do you think? Yeah. Hey, come on. Once I've unpacked, given this place a lick of paint, you know, it will... Don't, Dad. What? It's just what you said in my dream. Just, don't. I got to go. Don't want to be late for the first day of school. Hey, remember the rules. New town, new school. Yeah, yeah. I've done this before. I know you have, I'm just... You know I worry. Don't worry. I'm careful. I'll be fine. I love you. I love you too, honey. Hey, Rose. I wish you were still here. It's been so hard since you brought Sharon back to me. ROSE: Christopher, my love. Rose. I tried to find you. I searched for so long. My love, I don't have a lot of time. There's nothing you can do for me, protect her. She's the one that matters now. Why can't you come back? I found a seal. Part of it is missing. Only one of us could come through. I made a choice. Where's our daughter? They'll come looking for her. They'll come looking because they need her. Never let them take her. No matter what you have to do, swear to me. Swear to me you will never let them take he. I brought her back to you. She is yours to care for now. Don't go. Goodbye, my love. Rose. Daddy. Sharon? Oh, my God, Sharon. You're here. Daddy! It's okay. You're safe now. What happened? I don't remember anything. It's okay. It's okay. You... You were in an accident. Where's Mommy? Mommy saved you. Where's Mommy? She's gone, honey. (SOBBING) Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Sorry, what? Are you okay? Yes. Yes, I'm fine. It's just that you don't wanna be messing with the vagrants, miss. I was just seeing if he needed some help. Some people are beyond our help. Have we met? No, no, I don't think so. No? I'm sure we have. What's your name? I have to catch my bus. TEACHER: Welcome back, everyone. I hope you had a good Christmas vacation. I would like to welcome some new students who will be joining us this semester. Heather Mason. Could you say hello to the class, Heather? Hi. I'm Heather. I'm new. I just moved to town, so... Come on, Heather, share a little bit of yourself. Everyone has a story. Tell us yours. What is this, third grade? What do you wanna know? Do you get all of your clothes from Goodwill? (CLASS LAUGHS) Okay, you know what? Let me make this easier for you. This is the fifth school I've been to since I was 11. Me and my dad, we move around. So I do this a lot. So don't bother trying to remember my name because I'm sure as hell not gonna remember yours. Don't talk to me. We won't be friends. I won't IM you or facebook you or tweet you, read your blog. And whatever you're thinking of saying or doing, don't bother, because I've seen it before, and I'm just guessing here, but... I don't think there are too many original thinkers in this room. And by the time any of you have found out anything about me that's worth knowing... I'll have moved on. How's that? Now the next addition to our class, Vincent Cooper. Are you kidding me? I can't follow that. (CLASS CHUCKLES) (SCHOOL BELL RINGS) Shit! KIDS: (CHANTING) Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! No. Burn the witch! Burn the witch! I'm not a witch! Please! Leave me alone. Burn the witch! Please! Come on! Burn the witch! (GASPING) Whoa. Are you all right? What? Are you okay? What are you doing out of class? You know what? I'm lost. I can't find Math. Any ideas? No, no. I... I'm lost too. Hey look, you wanna get a coffee? No, we have class. I mean, later. No. Why not? We're both new. We don't know anyone else. That speech I gave in class, I gave it for a reason. I really don't want to know anyone here. (CELL PHONE RINGING) Hey, honey. How was your day? I think there's someone following me. What do I do? Okay. Don't come back here. Not yet. I'll meet you somewhere. Central Square Mall. Okay, I'll meet you at the Happy Burger place. I'll be there as soon as I can. Do you think someone knows? No. No one knows. I'll see you soon. I love you, Dad. I love you, too. (KEYPAD BEEPING) (MECHANICAL GRINDING) (MODEL TRAIN WHISTLING) (CHILD LAUGHING) (CHILD LAUGHING) CHILDREN: Happy birthday, Heather! GIRL: Make a wish! (CHILD LAUGHING) MAN: Sharon. Sharon! Please, sir. Sharon, wait! (MAN GRUNTING) (SCREAMING) Dad! Dad, I... (STATIC) Sharon. Sharon, wait. Keep away from me! Keep away from me! It's okay. No, it's not okay. Nothing is okay. Who are you? My name is Douglas Cartland. I'm a private investigator. What do you want from me? I'm paid to find people. Someone wanted you found, Sharon. That's not my name! You're Sharon Da Silva. Or at least you think you are. Tracked you down after you left Portland. You and Harry got away from the police, but I found you. What my dad did there... That was self-defense. I don't care who Harry killed. I'm trying to help you. Get back! Why? Because I didn't know who I was working for then, but I do now. They call themselves the Order of Valtiel. And they want you. You're lying. You don't understand. They know where you are. I told them where you are. They're coming. You've gotta get away. Don't worry, I will. Everything your dad ever told you was a lie. Fuck you! He told me the truth. You know why you don't remember anything from your childhood? I was in a car crash. My mother died. I lost my memory. No! There was never any accident. You were trapped in a place called Silent Hill. But your mother saved you. She got you out. But they want you back. Ask your dad. He knows that... (SCREAMS) Tell me who I am. Please, tell me. (SNARLING) (SCREAMING) DOUGLAS: It's gone. It's gone. I'll help you. Come on. (STRAINS) (SCREAMS) (HEATHER SCREAMING) (SOBS SILENTLY) (DOOR THUMPS OPEN) (SCREAMS) (GLASS BREAKING) (POLICE RADIO CHATTER) OFFICER: You two, move back now. Hey, miss! You can't be back here. Back behind the tape, please. Come on, folks. I need you back. Everybody, get back behind the line. Come on, move back. Whoa, one second, there's a wallet in his pocket. Douglas Cartland. Some PI from out of town. What you got, Cable? The boys found this jacket down there. There's blood on it. Okay. Hand it over to forensics. Let's find out whose blood it is. Heather Mason. Sharon Da Silva. This girl? Maybe this is hers. Let's find her and ask her. See what we got on this Cartland. Pull the security tapes. I wanna see what happened here tonight. Hey. Vincent. They found a guy dead in there. Did you see? Yeah. Hey! What's wrong? I can't tell you. It's okay, you can tell me. No, I can't. (CELL PHONE DIALING) Because I have no idea what's going on in my head right now. HARRY: It's me. Leave a message. Dad, call me when you get this, please. You're cold. Where's your coat? Come here. Thanks. What's the matter? Do you see them? They who? The runner? No. Never mind. Just another thing to prove that I'm going crazy. (LAUGHING) So... Where's home? A couple of blocks away. No, I mean, before. Where do you come from? Nowhere, really. I traveled a lot with my dad. (MAN GRUNTING INDISCERNIBLY) Do you think there's a difference between dreams and reality? (LAUGHS) What happened to the small talk? No "What's your favorite band?" "Do you facebook?" Nothing like that. Fuck Facebook. Do you? I never think about it. Everybody thinks about it. Not me. My life is complicated enough. You should talk to my grandfather. It's all he ever thinks about. Drove him crazy. It's driving me crazy. No, I mean, he's insane. Bat-shit nuts. Back in my sweet little home town, old man Leonard drools in a padded cell. He'll tell you there are no such things as dreams, just endless realities all piled on top of each other. Some people see monsters, other people just see people. And they locked him up for that? My mother had him committed. Jesus! Yeah. She's kind of intimidating, my mother. No difference between fantasy and reality... (LAUGHS) HEATHER: I don't think I like my reality. VINCENT: Do you think anyone does? At least I'm real. Well, I think I am. And you? Yep. Pretty real. Or just pretty. That was a lousy pick-up line. Does it ever work? I never tried it before. How'd it go down? As a crime against pick-up lines. You're kind of funny, Heather. You're pretty fucked up, but I don't know, I think you're goofy fun inside. Goofy fun? That'd be nice for a change. Anyway, this is my street. Thanks for walking me back. I'd like to do it again sometime. Vincent, you're nice, but I don't think you want to know me. I do. No, you don't. I'm gonna call you later. I didn't give you my number. I'll see you around! Dad? Dad? Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! (DOOR HANDLE JIGGLING) Heather, it's Vincent. I heard you yell. Is everything all right? I need your help. Look. Is that blood? Have you called the police? I can't. Why not? They can help. I just can't! Okay? Okay. Do you know where this Silent Hill is? No, it's... It's something that I've dreamt about. My dad, he... He warned me never to go there. But I know that symbol. This is it. He kept it all in here. Is this your mom? My adoptive mom, Rose. You were adopted? Yeah, I never knew my real parents. Did you write all of these? Yeah. Do you know what that is? No. Looks like there's another side that fits in here. A gun? Why do you need a gun? (POUNDING ON DOOR) Miss Mason, it's the police. I thought you said you didn't call them. I didn't. Then why are they here? What is going on, Heather? I have to go. If they catch me, I'll never find my dad. Catch you? Why would they catch you? What have you done? Nothing! I haven't done anything, I swear. Help me. What do you want me to do? Can you drive? What? I can't drive. Can you? Santini, come here. You wanted probable cause? This is it. What the hell happened here? That look like a gang tag to you? I don't think so. But I've never seen anything like it. Call Crime Scene, get them down here. What about the girl? She's a murder suspect. HARRY: "My dearest Sharon," "If you are reading this, then something has happened to me." "You're on your own now." "Don't try to find me." "And whatever you do, don't go to Silent Hill." "I promised your mother I'd keep you safe, but I failed." "I know you think we're running from the police," "because of the man I killed in Portland two years ago." (SCREAMS) You can't protect her forever! "But the truth is, he wasn't just a random thief." Get your things, we're leaving. "He was sent to take you back to Silent Hill." "He was a member of the Order. These people want you, they need you." "But they will do everything in their power to draw you back." "You must resist it." "I tried to keep you safe." "And I never meant to lie to you, but I had to." "You'll find the truth in my notebooks. As much as I could find out." "I hope that when you read what I've learned," "you can finally begin to understand who you really are." "Please forgive me for not telling you the truth." "I did it to protect you." "I love you, Sharon." Are you okay? Do you wanna stop? No. VINCENT: What does it say? So much. I knew he was frightened, but this is crazy. It says, "Silent Hill was originally a prison colony", "built on ground taken from the native Indians." "They called it The Place of the Silent Spirits." Never build on ancient Indian burial grounds. I thought everyone knew that. It says here, "Religious zealots called the Order of Valtiel" "secretly ran the town for the last 100 years." "They were waiting for a child to be born to be a vessel for their god," "who would then be resurrected and make the world anew." It sounds like one of those crazy doomsday cults. Yeah. Sounds like it. There is a newspaper article. Fire in the coal mines got out of control. The whole place is still burning, deep underground. Everyone had to leave. My dad doesn't believe that, though. He says the town was cursed by the power of a demon child. Her name's Alessa. This Order tried to cleanse her with fire, but they failed. And Alessa's revenge was to summon a world of darkness, filled with terrifying creatures. This one, it says, is her "guardian and executioner." We should stop. No, I want to keep going. I'm tired. I need rest, you need rest. (SIGN BUZZING) Do you think they'll find us? Someone will, eventually. You think we're far? No. No, I think we're really close. And I don't think you should go... What? I think your dad is right. I don't think you should go to Silent Hill. I need to find him. You read his notebooks. He wants you to run. Vincent... No, listen to me. The Order, they want you. I think that's why they took Harry. To make you come back. I don't have a choice. Don't you understand that? I understand. I just... I just don't want anything to happen to you. (PEOPLE SCREAMING) You didn't sleep? No. We can't go any further. We already talked about this. I have to. Why can't you just trust me? It's for my dad. You don't understand. I do. No, you don't. How could you? Because I am a child of the Order. What? I was born and raised in Silent Hill. I was chosen to come into this world to make sure you return. No... No, that's not possible. The Order are trapped in Silent Hill. The notebook said so. It is possible for a few to escape just for a while, but it requires... It requires sacrifice and suffering. (SCREAMING) CLAUDIA WOLF: You have been chosen for this! How could you do this to me? All that any of us are taught is that Alessa is the great evil of the world. She trapped us, she brings the darkness, and you... You are part of that evil. But I know that's not true. After seeing you, after spending this time with you, I know you're not evil, I... If you are part of Alessa, you're the innocent part. Every step of the way, you lied. I had to. They were watching, projecting their spirits into the world. You saw them. You took my dad. Please believe me, I had nothing to do with that, I'm sorry. Why take him, why not just take me? Because you have to return of your own free will. Taking him, they knew you'd follow. (STATIC) Why do I matter so much? Because the Order can't be free until Alessa is gone. Her power keeps them trapped, and she can't be destroyed until she's whole again. You will make that happen. What about my dad? Is he still alive? My mother, Claudia, won't keep him alive after she has what she wants. Where is he? In the sanctuary beneath the town. Wait, Heather, stop! No! You need this. You have to find the other half. It's the only way you'll be able to save your dad. My grandfather has it. The one in the asylum? Yes, Leonard Wolf. He's dangerous. Let me help you. No! Get off of me! Please! Please, listen to me. Don't! What is happening? The Darkness is coming. (RUMBLING) It's coming. What's going on? HEATHER: Stop! Make it stop! You did this. No. It's not me. How could it be me? Because you are part of Alessa. We're so close, you allowed the darkness to break through. Vincent, what is going on? I don't know. (SCREAMS) Vincent! (BELL TOLLING IN DISTANCE) (DISTANT SCREAMS) Burn the witch! DAHLIA: You should not be here. They will use you. We will all suffer now. I know who you are. You're her mother. Alessa's mother. How could you let them burn her? No, I loved her. It's all rig, sweetheart. It's okay. It's all right DAHLIA: I was deceived. Come along, child. I never wanted this for her. Where are you taking me? Mommy! Mommy! But Alessa was special. She was the only one who could survive the fire, that's why she was chosen. No! Stop! No! No! But it only led to our damnation. You all got what you deserved. Yes, and I became the mother of the demon. But you are her daughter. What are you talking about? Alessa didn't die in the fire, but she suffered so much. Her pain was only matched by her rage. And with that rage, her powers grew beyond all comprehension. Alessa knew there was a part of her that could still be free from pain. So she took that last, innocent part of her soul and placed it into a newborn, orphan child. You. You were secretly taken from here, to be raised by loving, but unaware parents. You're the only part of Alessa that feels love. You balance her hate, but you should never have come back. Because now you have given the Order what they could never have... A way to destroy Alessa and you. Where is my father? There is nothing you can do to save him without damning yourself. I don't care. Just tell me what you know. (AIR RAID SIREN BLARING) I know the darkness is coming. It's safer to be inside. Run. Run! (SHRILL RUMBLING) No! (SHRIEKS) (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS) (PLASTIC CRUMPLING) No! (SOBBING) What? Help me. No... Run. (WOMAN GASPING) I'm here! I'm gonna help you! What happened? Fast! It's coming! What's coming? (ANIMAL GROWLING) Come on! Run! (SCREAMS) Where did you come from? I took a wrong turn. Got lost in the fog. There! Come on! No! This way. (SHRIEKING) Run! (BITING SOUND) (SCREAMING) My own son... Mother, please betrayed us. She is not evil. Your mind is corrupted by her darkness. You were young to be given this task. I understand. You created Alessa. The darkness is your evil reflected back at us. She is innocent. She is innocent? You are insane, just as your grandfather is insane. (PEOPLE CLAMORING) Burn him! Make him suffer! Let the God judge him! No! You succeeded. Even in your madness, you guided her back to us. What my sister, Christabella, could not achieve, I shall. Salvation is at hand. And a broken mind can be mended. No. Mother, please, don't. Take him to the asylum. Cure him. No. No. No! (THUMPING) Leonard. (DISTANT SCREAMS) (TELEPHONE BUSY SIGNAL BEEPING) HEATHER: Do you think someone knows? HARRY: No. No one knows. I'll see you soon. I love you, Dad. I love you, too. Leonard Wolf. Okay. S-12. S-12. (GASPS) (ROARING) (METALLIC THUMPING) (CHILDREN WHISPERING) Leonard. Ah... Hello, child. Please, come closer, so I can touch you. I don't think so. Did Claudia send you? Claudia? Yeah. No. She put you here. My own daughter says I'm corrupted by the darkness. She says that I'm a monster. (CHUCKLES) She's far worse than I am. She is also corrupted by the same darkness. I am looking for my father. Is he lost? He's in Silent Hill. There are many Silent Hills. Are you sure it's this one? Vincent said you'd know how to help me. Vincent, that little traitor... My own flesh and blood turned against me! Listen. You may be able to hear the cries of his torment. He's here? Where else would you go to mend your mind? Like yours is? I'm... I'm just an ongoing project. I have half of this. Will it help me? Please... I'm blind, child. I cannot see what you have there. Place it in my hand, and I will try to help you. Don't be afraid. Come on. (LAUGHS) You know what it is. I was the Master of the Order. How could I not know the Seal of Metatron? It was stolen from me and used by her to escape with the child. Without it, we cannot summon the god. It is a key. What does it unlock? The true nature of things. I need to find the other half. But you've already found it. The other half is in me! (CRUSHING) What are you doing? No! Stop! Stop! Now I see the truth of you. You're a demon! You must be destroyed! Not today. (GUN FIRES) (LAUGHING) (YELLS) Two halves coming together. It's complete. Alessa? GIRL: Alessa? Can you feel me? Can you feel me? You know I'm here, don't you? You know I'm her, don't you? You know I've got the Seal of Metatron. (YELLS) Somebody help me. VINCENT: No. Get back! Get back! And you! Get back! Look out! Get back! Do it! Do it! How can I find my dad? Heather, help me. Tell me where he is. In the sanctuary, beneath the amusement park. I can help you. Fine. VINCENT: Hurry! I am hurrying! Oh, shit! Stuck! Heather, it's stuck! Okay, we need a knife. How can you live like this? This darkness, those creatures? It's all I've ever known. My reality. Darkness should have faded by now. Why hasn't it? You're so close to Alessa, two halves coming together again, it's changing the world. What's gonna happen? That's up to you. Lakeside Amusement Park is over there. And the entrance to the sanctuary. Do you think you can save him? I have to try. My dad gave up his life to protect me. Then I think he'd want you to leave. You don't know that. If he loved you, he wouldn't want you to be in any danger. And if you loved someone, you'd know that you would never give up. (ELECTRONIC LAUGHING) (ANIMATRONICS LAUGHING) No, wait! Get down. Look. HEATHER: Are they soldiers? We call them The Brethren. The most devout servants of the Order. See the masks? They won't breathe the air of the darkness. They think it corrupts them. I hope you find him. I hope you live free and happy, it's more than I ever did. What are you talking about? Vincent, no! (SCREAMS) Alessa? Daughter. Sister. Self. No. I gave you life so you could live my dream. You're the part of me that could be free of this pain, could live and feel love. Do you feel nothing? Nothing but hate. They say you are a demon. They are right. You created this nightmare. Everyone has a different nightmare in Silent Hill. I am theirs. I have to save my father. He's not my father or yours. And sacrifices have to be made. Go to hell! Can't you see? We're already here. And you are not welcome! Do you think I won't destroy you? How can you? I am you. Time to take back what I gave you! Stop! We are one, Heather. (SCREAMS) Dad! Sharon! Sharon. You don't hurt her! What do you want from me? Look around you. This was our sanctuary. A last, safe place from the darkness. And now, even here has fallen to her evil. But we praise the god that you are here, finally. You have delivered us. I have done nothing for you. You have done everything. Defeated Alessa. Rejoined the seal. You are the savior. If I've done so much, then let my father go. He cannot go. His blood will feed the newborn god. Just as your body will be its incubator. Why? Why me? It is your destiny. You have been chosen many years ago to be the vessel. The god can only be born through your flesh. And then we will be free from this prison to cleanse the world of its sins. And all we need is your body. No! You leave her alone! You have the Seal of Metatron. With it, I can summon the god. Give it to me. Take it, I want to see the truth of what you are. (SCREAMS) (SHRIEKS) Dad! Sharon. (SCREAMS) VINCENT: The ash. It's stopped! Because of you? HEATHER: No, it's not me. I think things are gonna be different around here from now on. The Order's power is broken. Alessa's nightmare is over. She's gone. HARRY: Another one will come. This is the place of lost souls. What's wrong? I can't leave. What? Why? I'm going to stay here. But, Dad, we're free. We're safe. For the first time. I'm gonna find your mother. You saved my life. And I can never repay you. Rose is still trapped here somewhere. I'm gonna find her. Let me help you find her. No. I promised her, once you were safe, I'd come back. This is my task. You've done what you had to do. Now, I want you to be free, finally. Do you understand why I have to do this? You are everything I could've ever wished for. I love you, baby. I love you too, Dad. Vincent, look after my little girl, do you hear? I don't think she needs me for that. Come on. Yeah. Come on in. Watch your step. Thanks. No problem. You're lucky I came by. I haven't been this way in a long time. Travis Grady. Vincent. Sharon. Nice to meet you. So where're you two lovebirds headed? Just take us as far away from here as you can. Amen to that! Got it. (ENGLISH US - SDH) PAM: The building's custodian is on vacation for the month, and Dwight is too cheap to hire a replacement. So instead, we're living in filth. But not for long, because I have created the chore wheel. Oh, yeah! Can I spin first? Well, it doesn't spin. We'll just move the wheel one notch each morning, and you see what chore you get that day. A wheel is supposed to spin. Yeah. You know, like... (VOCALIZING) No, I'm familiar with spinning. It's just, that wouldn't work with a chore wheel, because people might get the same chore. Bah! Boring. All she talks about is chores. A wheel wants to spin, Pam. (WHISPERS) Spinning would be more fun. (SIGHS) Okay- Okay! That's what I'm talking about. Big money, big money. MAN: Yeah! "Mug duty"? Yes! You clean all the mugs in the sink. This sucks. Yeah, seriously. It's like everything on there is work. I don't think you guys understand why we're doing this. It's... Yeah, and I don't think that you understand wheels. I've been through several rounds of development with the team, and here's where we stand with the chore wheel. We've got prizes! "Ten Bucks," "Candy Bar," "Manager For An Hour." PAM: But there are also penalties like "No Internet," "Stanley Gets Your Lunch." The one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores. But they were right, it's more fun this way. (ALL CHEERING) ALL: Tiny Wheel! Tiny Wheel! Tiny Wheel! Tiny Wheel! The Tiny Wheel actually does have chores. It's so cute, no one seems to mind. "Toilets!" (ALL CHEERING) Pam, we've got to go! Cece, go back inside. Grandma's got breakfast, okay? We are going to Roy's wedding. Yep, Roy. I think the only weird thing about going to your wife's ex-fiance's wedding on a weekday at 8:00 a.m. is that it's your wife's ex-fiancé. Thanks, Mom! A banana? Yeah. I'm afraid he's only going to have hot dogs. Come on. Not even Roy would have hot dogs at his wedding. I planned a wedding with him. He wanted hot dogs. It's so weird. Oh, Pete. You got mail. Really? I got something? Well, it's addressed to Customer Service, so it's your mail. Well, you know, I'm also customer service. Yeah, I'm alternating. Y)'- Another person yelling at me. Well, it could be a nice letter. I write nice letters to companies all the time. That's really nice. Wow. Newsweek, huh? This election thing is crazy, right? PETE: It's opened. Oh, yeah. I accidentally read it. It's not a nice letter. Get excited! The special projects fairy has arrived. (WHISPERS) I know you don't really exist. Today, I launch my big charity initiative, Operation Giveback. Andy has shot down all of my special projects thus far, but this one is about charity, so I'd like to see him piss on that one. (PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY) Darryl! (LAUGHS) What's happening? Congratulations, baby. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Is this his house? I think so. Mimosa? I'm okay. Thank you. Would you like me to take your peel? Yes. Thank you. Okay- (CELL PHONE RINGING) (BEEPS) Who was that? Uh... My ex-fiancée. Ha-ha. I started a new business with my college friend, but Pam doesn't know. Um... Actually I did tell Pam and we decided, "No." But then I decided, "Yes," anyway, so I'm thinking there's another conversation coming, and it's hard to know when that will be. With Operation Giveback, you pick the charities Dunder Mifflin supports. Oh, boy! What's happening? There's $4,000 to give away, so who has filled out their forms? Stanley? American Diabetes Association. Um, you have diabetes, Stanley. I'm sorry. ls the assignment to pick a selfish charity? I... I would love to give... Heifers International. Listen to this. They give a poor person, like, a goat or something? It's a great prank. I want to work with Jimmy Carter and help build gnomes. Dwight? What about you? I will not be participating, as there is no evidence that charity works. Uh, correction, I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. It changes lives. Thank you, Andy. I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling. Dwight, you will be participating. No, thank you. Participation is mandatory, Dwight. But you can choose whatever cause you like. Fine! I choose the Global Relief Foundation... Great. Thank you. ...which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban. Oh, for goodness sake, Dwight! Yeah, the Taliban in Af-a-ghanistan! The Taliban is the worst. Great heroin, though. Dwight, I cannot have the Taliban on the roster of Operation Giveback. Well, then it looks like there won't be any Operation Giveback. (CHUCKLES) The nanny state is over, ladies and gentlemen! You're welcome. There he is. Is it almost time to cut the pancake or what? Oh, yeah, we appreciate everyone coming out so early. It's... Everyone's just been so nice. Thanks for inviting us, by the way. That was... Are you kidding? That was a surprise. Come on, if it wasn't for you, I never would have met Lara. I mean, seriously, I kind of dodged a bullet on that one. I'm just kidding. You're welcome. Thanks. Oh. By the way, man, this place is beautiful. I started a gravel company. I mean, who knew it would take off? Gravel company. Yeah. What about you? What are you doing? Not gravel, obviously. (LAUGHS) No, things are good. Things are good. Got some stuff in the works, so... Oh, cool. Yeah, you never know. Hey, bro. Stop wasting time with this haircut. He's got a $50,000 sports car. Cheers! Yeah, okay, Ken. Duncan, listen! I would love to help you out, but where am I going to find somebody that is pretty, smart and well-informed, huh? Hold on, hold on! Erin, do you know anybody that might... Oh, my gosh. You love the news, right? Well, it depends. I mean, sometimes I find out things that are really sad. Well, I've got a buddy that's a big-time local news producer. I can't tell you his name, but it'd blow your mind. Uh, is it Duncan? He's looking for on-air talent, and he'd kill me if I didn't get you on tape. You mean, put me on the news? You'll just come over, put on a little lipstick, loosen up with a glass of red wine and then we'll just run through a few stories. You know, a couple of different ways in a couple of different outfits. It'd be really tasteful and it'd really help out with... With my friend. CLARK: What do you say? Huh? Well, maybe, okay? Let me think about it. CLARK: Okay. Think it over. No, Clark's not my friend. He is the douche that sits next to me at the office. My friends are Scott, Glen and Rob, but you don't know them. I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist, but why? Because I happened to answer a Help Wanted ad to be a receptionist? I mean, what if the ad had been for a CEO or for a brain surgeon? So, uh, it was a year ago today that I met Lara. I thought she was my waitress, and, uh, it took her three weeks to tell me that she actually owned the place. You are full of surprises. You are my beautiful mystery girl. And today, I have a surprise for you. (CLEARS T HRO AT) He plays the piano? No. Roy? No. You know how I said I was taking boxing lessons? Actually I was doing this. Um, so, I hope that you like it. (CLEARS T HRO AT) You got this, Roy! She's got a way about her I don't know what it is But I know that I can't live without her She's got a way We still surprise each other. Definitely. You know, I never did it, but for your 30th birthday, I really wanted to surprise you with... Court-side seats. Sixers. Yes. But what I didn't tell you was that I actually bought the tickets. We only didn't go because... it was an away game. In Phoenix. They should really tell you that more specifically. I mean, every game is an away game for one of the teams. Do we know everything about each other? No. Tell me one thing about you I don't know. (CHUCKLES) Uh... Um... Okay- Oh. Here's one. Did I ever tell you about the time that my brothers videotaped the lottery announcement and bought the winning numbers the next day, and then played the tape for me the next week... And you thought you guys were millionaires. You heard that one. Yes. But there's... Wait! Oh, there's a funny ending to that story, I can't remember. That I thought we were millionaires. That you thought you were millionaires. Yeah. That's funny. Shoot! I knew that one. That's all right. The Senator and I still have mystery. I'm always waiting to see what he's going to surprise me with next. (SPITS) (COUGHS) JIM: You all right? You support the Taliban abroad, so I assume you're willing to live by their rules here. Anything else would be inconsistent. Will you join me then in a pledge to live by Taliban law in this office? Absolutely, I will. I feared Nellie had some sort of a plan. But she used a ridiculous font. (LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) You don't have a plan. When you use a ridiculous font, no one thinks you have a plan. Looking for this? What the... Oh, this is a lovely pen. And it's mine now because I stole it. Give me that! Didn't we sign a contract to live under Taliban law? Now there's been a theft. That means you're not serious or someone's getting their hand cut off. You're insane. I know, so it's better that you pick another charity. Oh, and let your precious Operation Powergrab proceed unchecked? No, thank you. Inthatcase,you will have to chop off my hand. This cleaver appears to need sharpening. I suggest you spend some quality time together, just you and your hand. Tie a shoe. Toss a salad. Do any of the two-hand activities that you'll miss the most. I tell you what, I need to make three calls, and then after that you can become a person who chops off people's hands. Sounds like a plan. Clark wants to film you in different outfits inside his apartment? Yeah. Clark! You and I need to have a little chat. What clothes does Erin need for this news audition? Uh... A couple of button-downs, a camisole, a blazer, a pencil skirt, stilettos, maybe... No, not maybe, definitely open-toed. Uh, something low-cut because the camera makes everything seem higher cut. Really? Yeah. Industry secret. You're going to want some of those pantyhose with the seam up the back. (WHISPERS) Seems unnecessary for an audition. And then, you know, maybe just a robe to wear in between takes, but I probably got one that she could borrow at my place, so... Thank God someone here knows what they're talking about. I want you to take this credit card, take Erin to the mall and get that stuff. I absolutely will do that. Awesome. Plop! (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Guess I'll just head over to the mall, then. Buy Erin some sexy fun outfits. That Clark, huh? (VOCALIZING) Next question for our oldy-weds? What's the craziest place you ever made whoopee? Language! Who was Pam's first celebrity crush? That's good. Okay. Pam's first celebrity crush. John Stamos. Ready? Uh-huh. John Stamos. Oh. Yes! But John Stamos was temporary. I quickly moved on to Johnny Depp. Johnny depp- (STUTTERING) Sorry, I was having a separate conversation with Kevin. Uh... Johnny Depp. Totally. George Clooney. (CELL PHONE RINGING) Okay, I have one. I have one. What is your warning... KEVIN: What is the craziest place you ever made whoopee? Hey! Kevin, stop it with that question. Right? And did you show them the market? Yeah? And what did they say? That's awesome! That... Oh, my God! Wow! It's not even real yet. And I'm not going to tell her until it's real. I think maybe there actually is something I don't know about Jim. Everyone, we have a voluntary meeting in the conference room to discuss Erin's confidence. Her body. We're going to talk about her body. Good. Great job. Andy made me his consigliere, which means assistant regional manager. I guess he thought I would be into The Godfather because I'm black. Wrong. I'm into The Godfather because I'm a cinephile. I like Scarf ace because I'm black. Erin has an audition to be a newscaster. Whoo! ANDY: Yeah! Uh-huh. (CHEERING) And I want her to feel very comfortable in her very sexy skin. So, everybody say something that you like about her body. All right? Darryl? Okay. Um, I like Erin's hair. It's a very pretty color. Yeah, right? I'm sorry, this is for a news audition? Yeah. Then why are we talking about her looks? Why not her credibility or her reliability? Newsflash, everyone, the human race finds attractive people more trustworthy. So sorry, Andy, but for 20 years, the most trusted man in America? Walter Cronkite. Cronkite was hot! If I could go back in time, I'd take that moustache ride. OSCAR: Does Erin have any experience? Has she taken any journalism classes maybe? Has she done the pageant circuit? No, I watch the news. She's going to be amazing. Look at her. She's going to light up the screen! ERIN: This is a first for me. And I don't get a lot of chances, so I have to take them really seriously. I will do whatever it takes to get the job. Whatever it takes. Yeah, I know. I heard. This is it. Any questions? Is it going to be long? No, it's going to be over before you know it. Mmm-hmm. Afghan President Hamid Karzai declared a new policy of "Dollar Days" throughout the country, promising low, low prices on all 2012 Kia Sentras and Sonatas. "Aren't you glad you waited?" Karzai commented. Um, where did you get that story? A little bit here, a little bit there. I bet you didn't think I knew current events. I love it. It's fantastic. Now tag it with your name. For Channel Eleven News, I'm Erin Hannon. Pause after "news." For Channel Eleven News, I'm Erin Hannon. No,pauselongen That was a good one. Pause... Pause longer, okay? It builds suspense. Don't be shy. Got it. (CLEARS THROAT) For Channel Eleven News... It's... Okay, all right. I'm Erin Hannon. Great. Some great stuff in there. I can feel you looking at me. Okay. Well, here's something you don't know. (SIGHS) A couple of weeks ago... Mmm-hmm. ...I ran into this guy from my high school who has just gotten divorced, and he hit on me in the mall. And I didn't tell you because, I don't know, I felt embarrassed, and I didn't know if you'd be mad, or worried. But anyway, I thought you'd want to know. That didn't happen. You would have told me right away. Yeah, I would have. (CHUCKLES) What about you? Come on, there's got to be something. Between your birth and the last two days, something you just haven't had the chance to tell me. Uh... Just tell me. God, give it up, Beesly. You know me too well. (VOCALIZING) (GRUNTING) Hey. ERIN: Hey. Urn, I knew something bothered me, and I finally figured it out. What news producers are going to want to see is how Erin relates to the other people on the news team. Oh. The weird thing is that Erin is doing the audition alone. Oh, God. Now, I'd say Clark could be your co-host, but he's already doing camera. Somebody who's already got rapport with Erin maybe? I don't know. (VOCALIZING) This is for real this time. (GRUNTING) It's getting late. I thought you guys could use a little inspiration. Oh, a movie. What is this? 127 Hours. It's about this guy who goes... No,no,no! No spoilers, please. (MUSIC PLAYING ON LAPTOP) My bad. You're right. No. Okay. Good night. (KNOCKS ON DOOR) Hey! ALL: Hey! Everybody. Yeah. Come in. Come on in. All right. Nice. What are you doing here? Oh, sorry, man. Andy thought Erin needed a co-anchor. I'm his makeup guy. My hands are tied. (SIGHS) The victim was released from the hospital with second degree burns. Wow. You know what they say, Erin, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Well, he tried to, but the fire door was blocked. He sure did. All right, we got that. That's a wrap, everybody. Oh. I just... You sure, Clark? Yup, she's done. No, I just... I don't mean Erin. I mean for me. I didn't feel good about that. No, no. We got it. We got it. Great. Let's get some food. I'm starving. I don't think we did get it. I could do a couple more takes. We could do it in a close-up. That might even be better for editing. Okay, I don't. All right. I'm hungry. Uh... Pete, you want to take Erin to get a burger or something? Yeah, whatever you say, boss. ANDY: Okay. I'll call you later. ERIN: Okay. Okay. (CLEARS THROAT) So this is a single. Hey, even if this doesn't work out for me, I'm just glad I had the guts to do it. ERIN: And maybe it will work out for Andy. Oh, God! Yeah. That is absolutely revolting! He is so good, though. Yes. The way he just cuts off his arm. If you like James Franco, we really should watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Well, he's a genius, you know? He was in graduate programs at Yale, Columbia, and NYU all at the same time. Whoop-de-do. That doesn't make you a genius. Well, it doesn't make you stupid. Well, yeah, it does actually. It makes you real stupid. Stupid like you. No, like you! Like you! You're the stupid one. You're the stupid one. You're the stupid one. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're the stupid one. The building's custodian is on vacation for the month, and Dwight is too chip to hire a replacement. So, instead, we're living in filth, but, not for long... because I have created the chore wheel. Yeah. Can I spin first? Well, it doesn't spin. We'll just move the wheel one notch each morning, and you see what chore you get that day. A wheel is supposed to spin. Yeah, you know, like "guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh - guh-guh-guh-guh-h-guh..." - No, I'm familiar with spinning. It's just that wouldn't work with the chore wheel because people might get - the same chore... - Yuck. Boring. All she talks about is chores. A wheel wants to spin, Pam. Spinning would be more fun. Okay. Okay, that's what I'm talkin' about. - Woo! - Wow! - Spinning! - Big money, big money. Yeah! Mug duty? Yes, you clean all the mugs in the sink. This sucks. Yeah, seriously, it's like everything on there's work. I don't think you guys understand why we're doing this. - It's... - Yeah, and I don't think that you understand wheels. I've been through several rounds of development with the team, and here's where we stand with the chore wheel. We've got prizes! Ten bucks, candy bar, manager for an hour. But there are also penalties, like no internet, Stanley gets your lunch. The one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores, but they were right. It's more fun this way. Whoo! - Tiny wheel! - Tiny wheel! - Tiny wheel! Tiny wheel! - There it is! The tiny wheel actually does have chores. It's so cute, no one seems to mind. - Toilets! - Aww. - Tiny wheel. - Lucky! - Good choice. - Woo! Pam, we gotta go! Cece, go back inside. Grandma's got breakfast, okay? We are going to Roy's wedding. Yep, Roy. I think the only weird thing about going to your wife's ex-fiancee's wedding on a weekday at 8 AM is that it's your wife's ex-fiancee. Thanks, mom! - Banana? - Yeah. I'm afraid he's only gonna have hot dogs. Come on, not even Roy will have hot dogs at his wedding. I planned a wedding with him. He wanted hot dogs. Just... it's so weird. Pete, you've got mail. Really? I got somethin'? Well, it's addressed to customer service, so it's your mail. Well, you know, I'm also customer service. Yeah, I'm alternating. Yay. Another person yelling' at me. Well, it could be a nice letter. I write nice letters to companies all the time. That's really nice. Wow, Newsweek, huh? This election thing is crazy, right? It's open. Yeah. I accidentally read it. It's not a nice letter. Okay. Get excited. The special projects fairy has arrived. I know you don't really exist. Today, I launch my big charity initiative, "Operation Give Back." Andy has shot down all of my special projects thus far, but this one is about charity so I'd like to see him piss on that one. Darryl! Ho-o-o! What's happenin'? Congratulations, baby. Yeah. Thank you. - Is this his house? - Think so. Mimosa? - I'm okay. - Thank you. Would you like me to take your peel? Yes, thank you. Okay. Who's that? - My ex-fiancee. - Ha-ha. I started a new business with my college friend, but Pam doesn't know. Um, actually I... I did tell Pam, and we decided no, but then I decided "yes, anyway," so I'm thinking there's another conversation coming, and it's hard to know when that will be. With "Operation Give Back," you pick the charities Dunder Mifflin supports. Aw, boy. What's happening? There's $4,000 to give away, so who has filled out their forms? - Stanley? - American Diabetes Association. Um, you have diabetes, Stanley. I'm sorry, is the assignment to pick a selfish charity? I, uh, I would love to give... Heifers International. Listen to this. They give a poor person like a goat or something. It's a great prank. I wanna work with, uh, Jimmy Carter and Help Build Gnomes. Dwight, what about you? I will not be participating, as there is no evidence that charity works. Correction... I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling... Changes Lives. - Thank you, Andy. - I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling. Dwight, you will be participating. - No, thank you. - Participation is mandatory, Dwight, but you can choose whatever cause you like. Fine, I choose the Global Relief Foundation... - Great, thank you... - ...which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban! - For goodness' sake. - Yeah. The Taliban in Af-a-ghanistan. The Taliban is the worst. Great heroin, though. Dwight, I cannot have the Taliban on the roster of "Operation Give Back." Well, then, it looks like there won't be any "Operation Give Back." The nanny state is over, ladies and gentlemen. You're welcome. There he is. Is it almost time to cut the pancake, or what? Aw, yeah. We appreciate everyone coming so early. Everyone's just been so nice. Thanks for inviting us, by the way. - That was... that was a surprise. - Are you kidding me? Come on, if it wasn't for you, I never would've met Laura. But seriously, could've dodged a bullet on that one. - Just kidding. - You're welcome. Thanks. By the way, man, this place is beautiful. I started a gravel company. I mean, who knew it would take off? - Gravel company. - Yeah. - What about you? - What are you doing? Not gravel, obviously. Nah, things are good. Things are good. Got some stuff in the works, so... - Cool. - Yeah, you never know. Hey, bro, stop wasting time with this haircut. He's got a $50,000 sports car. - Cheers. - Okay, Kenny. Duncan, listen, I would love to help you out, but where am I gonna find somebody that's pretty, smart and well-informed, huh? Hold on... hold on! Erin, do you know anybody that might... My gosh. You love the news, right? Well, it depends. I mean, sometimes I find out things that are really sad. Well, I got a buddy that's a big time local news producer, and I can't tell you his name, but it'd blow your mind. Is it Duncan? He's looking for on-air talent, and he'd kill me if I didn't get you on tape. You mean put me on the news? You'll just come over, put on a little lipstick, loosen up with a glass of red wine, and then we'll just run through a few stories. You know, a couple different ways with a couple different outfits. It'd be really tasteful, and it'd really help me out with Duncan... with my friend. What'd you say? No, maybe, okay? Let me think about it. Okay. - Woo. - Think it over. No, Clark's not my friend. He is the douche that sits next to me at the office. My friends are Scott, Glenn and Rob, but you don't know them. I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist, but why? Because I happened to answer a "help wanted" ad to be a receptionist? I mean, what if the ad had been for a CEO or for a brain surgeon? So, uh, it was a year ago today that I met Laura. I thought she was my waitress, and, uh, took her three weeks to tell me that she actually owned the place. You are full of surprises. You are my beautiful mystery girl, and today, I have a surprise for you. He plays piano? No. Roy? No. You know how I said I was taking boxing lessons? Actually, I was doing this, um, so, I hope that you like it. You got this, Roy. ♪ She's got a wa-a-ay about her ♪ ♪ don't know what it is ♪ ♪ but I know that I can't live without her ♪ ♪ she's got a way... ♪ We still surprise each other. Definitely. You know, I never did it, but for your 30th birthday, I really wanted to surprise you. Courtside seats. Sixers. Yes, but what I didn't tell you is that I actually bought the tickets. We only didn't go because it was... It was an away game. In Phoenix. They should really tell you that more specifically. I mean, every game is an away game for one of the teams. Do we know everything about each other? No. Tell me one thing about you I don't know. Um, okay. There's one. Did I ever tell you about the time that my brothers videotaped the lottery announcement and bought the winning numbers the next day, and then, played the tape for me the next week... And you thought you guys were millionaires. You heard that one. Yes, but there's... Wait. There's a funny ending to that story. I can't remember. That I thought we were millionaires. That you thought you were millionaires. - Yep. - That's funny. - Shoot, I knew that one! - That's all right. The senator and I still have mystery. I'm always waiting to see what he's gonna surprise me with next. You all right? You support the Taliban abroad, so I assume you're willing to live by their rules here. Anything else would be inconsistent. Will you join me then in a pledge to live by Taliban law in this office? Absolutely, I will. I feared Nelly had some sort of a plan, but she used a ridiculous font. You don't have a plan! When you use a ridiculous font, no one thinks you have a plan. Looking for this? What the... This is a lovely pen, and it's mine now, because I stole it. - Gimme that. - Didn't you sign a contract to live under Taliban law? And now, there's been a theft. That means you're not serious, or someone's getting their hand cut off. - You're insane. - I know, so it's better that you pick another charity. And let your precious "Operation Power Grab" proceed unchecked? No, thank you. In that case, you... will have to chop off my hand. This cleaver appears to need sharpening. I suggest you spend some quality time together, just you and your hand, tie a shoe, toss a salad. Do any of the two-hand activities that you'll miss the most. I tell you what. I need to make three calls. And then after that, you can become a person who chops off people's hands. Sounds like a plan. Clark wants to film you in different outfits - inside his apartment? - Yeah. Clark, you and I need to have a little chat. What clothes does Erin need for this news audition? A couple of button-downs, a camisole, a blazer, a pencil skirt, stilettos, maybe a... no, no, not maybe, definitely open-toed. Something low-cut, because the camera makes everything seem higher-cut. - Really? - Yeah, industry secret. You're gonna want some of those pantyhose with the seam up the back. Seems unnecessary for an audition. And then, you know, maybe just a robe to wear in between takes, but I probably got one that she could borrow at my place, so... Thank God someone here knows what they're talkin' about. I want you to take this credit card. Take Erin to the mall, and get that stuff. I absolutely will do that. Awesome. Plop. Guess I'll just head over to the mall then, buy Erin some sexy, fun outfits. That Clark, huh? Next question for our oldyweds. What is the craziest place you ever made whoopee? Language. Who was Pam's first celebrity crush? - This is good, okay. - Pam's first celebrity crush. John Stamos. - Ready? - -huh. - John Stamos. - Yes! John Stamos was temporary. I quickly moved on to Johnny... Um... To talk. You're ready now? I've been wanting to talk to you since you got back from Fiji. - Bianca, it's... - No, Janet. No. It's too late. (COFFEE MACHINE WHIRRS) ...the worst droughts on record. Are you sure? NEWSREADER: Police seized more than half a tonne of the drug MDMA last night, worth 75 million. Several people were arrested in a raid on a property in Ingleburn... (SCREAMS) Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Fuck! And fuck you too! He goes on with a few more choice phrases. Nothing incriminating, but he's not happy. Having half a million bucks' worth of precursors you can't sell does that to some people. So Darren's only choice for betting now is to transfer his dirty money from Switzerland back to Australia. We got it all in place. - DARREN: How many lawyers... - Jeez! How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? - Darren! - None. They only screw you. What are you doing here? I asked you to look after my mate. And now I hear that you're trying to get him to cut deals. What, this is about Wes Foster? Your job was to make sure he kept his mouth shut. You... asked me to look after him. Now, one of his options is to refuse to cooperate, but that'll see him in jail for a very long time. Another option is to plead not guilty to murder, but look, the DNA evidence is very strong. The third option is that he pleads guilty but then he gets a reduction in his sentence by giving police information on other unsolved matters, you know? Matters which, of course, have nothing to do with anyone in this room. OK? - I know what you're doing, Richard. - It's just basic defence advice. You're planning on stringing this out, aren't you? Huh? Over months, years. Having me pay your exorbitant fees. Bleeding me dry while you get rich as clotted cream. You try and put one over me again well, I'll just rip that forked tongue of yours right out of your throat. OK? Yep. (PATS HIS SHOULDER) (DOOR OPENS) (DOOR CLOSES) (SIGHS) Darren knows I told Wes to do a deal. How? I don't know! He just knows. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this, Janet. It won't be long before he finds out I'm working for the NCC, and then... I can't get that poor kid Glen Farmer's face out of my head. I keep seeing his face as I fed him all that fucking spin. OK. Tennis match is this afternoon. Farmer will throw the set. We're about to close on Darren. Why don't you go away for a few days? What? - Go where? - I don't know! The South Coast? You can't just disappear. You'll need to leave some kind of plausible reason. We can't have Darren spooked. (LIFT BELL DINGS, DOORS OPEN) BONNIE: Janet. Darren's local account has just registered a deposit of 1.5 million. Oh! That's great. But it didn't come from Zuricher Finanzen. It's a credit transfer from a bank in Paris. Paris? Faulkes Concrete and Co. accepted a deposit of just over 1,045,995 euros from Pierrot Beton. Going off the documentation, it's a loan. A loan? Who's... Pierrot Beton? Construction company, by the sounds of things. But whoever they are, looks like Darren's not using his Swiss money but a perfectly legitimate tranche. The expression "bow-bow!" springs to mind. OK, I want all of Faulkes's financial and business records on my desk. His business is legit. All declared, nothing illegal... Just do it. Pierrot Beton isn't the first international loan that Faulkes has got. Six months ago, he borrowed 1.2 million from a construction company in Belgium - Hayes Constructies. A few months before that, 850,000 from a company in the Netherlands. And a year earlier, 3 million from a building company in Bordeaux. Yeah, I checked them all. They were all real loans. Paperwork legit on both sides. The paperwork is legit, but the companies are all shelf companies. They've never traded in anything. Each one was set up a few weeks before the loan to Darren was arranged and shut down a few weeks after the money landed in Australia. So we need to check the Zuricher Finanzen account for overnight transfers - transfers to accounts in Europe. Nearly 1.6 million Swiss francs were transferred from the Zuricher Finanzen account to an account in Paris. Pierrot Beton. And 1.6 million Swiss francs is about 1.045 million euros, which is about 1.5 million Australian. BIANCA: So Darren sends dirty money to Switzerland via RepExchange, then he transfers it to shelf companies in Belgium or France, then he loans it back to himself in Australia. Paying no tax and laundering it nice and clean and ready to spend. TONY: You've closed the loop. Impressive. We just need confirmation of how much Darren's got in that Swiss account. Then we can slap charges of defrauding the Commonwealth on him. Evidence of international money laundering means the UN Office of Transnational Crime can pressure the Swiss to unlock the vault. I'll get the Attorney-General to rubber-stamp the request. (PHONE CHIMES) Great. Then if the UN can act fast, we can actually... Oh. Sorry. Um... I'll be back in a minute. BONNIE: Hey. I can't make lunch. Did you get a better offer? No, um, things are just really hotting up here right now. Need to be sure I'm in for the kill, you know? Raincheck? OWEN: Sure. OK. Bye. I had a look at that, um... school scholarship sport thing. Yeah? What did you think? Could be OK, I suppose. Yeah. (CHUCKLES) Looks pretty cool, actually. (LAUGHS) Application form's fucking stupid, though. It's like... CV, personal goals, academic goals, 300 words on my social inclusion plan. I... (CHUCKLES) I was wondering if you could... give me a hand filling it in. I would love to. Hey. We're on. Yeah. - PEARL: Thanks, Janet. - ANDY: Janet? PEARL: I'll see you tonight, then, yeah? JANET: Sure. Look forward to it. Thanks. See you. Tony just worked his international legal magic. Guess how much Darren has in his Zurich account. 370 million Australian. 370 million? ! I've sent someone to warn off Glen Farmer. - Let's get Darren. - I'm coming too. Janet, you know that's not procedure. I won't get in the way. I just... I need to see his face. MAN: Armed police! Search warrant! (SIRENS WAIL) (SHOUTING) MAN: Put the phone down! We're looking for laptops, tablets, phones! ANDY: Fuck. What have we got? Shit! RICHARD: Janet. JANET: Where are you? Uh, I'm at the chambers, just finishing up. You need to get out. Darren knows that you're working for us. - How? - He's seen photos of us together. OK? So what I need you to do - I need you to get out. OK. G'day, Richie. (ENGINE STARTS) OK, we've got to go to Richard's chambers. (SIREN WAILS) BIANCA: All available units to 40 Grant Street, Pyrmont. Suspect drives a red Mitsubishi SUV. Repeat - all units to 40 Grant Street, Pyrmont. They're on their way. (ENGINE ROARS) So, you're a churchgoer, Rich? Constant bloody surprise, aren't you? Hey, w-we could have stayed inside if you just wanted to talk. Oh, no, I like the wide open spaces. Especially for a private chat. (CRUNCH! ) (RICHARD GRUNTS) Hey, I-I don't understand what's going on. Really? Smart man like you? Wh-what is it that you think that I've done? You're a dog, Richard. And you've been dogging me to the National Crime Commission. And I'm very displeased about it. (GRUNTS) Oh! Very upset. Angry, even. (CHUCKLES) (SIRENS APPROACH) Jesus! - Out of the vehicle! Give up! - Give up! You're kidding. (RICHARD GROANS) Get out slowly! Move! - Shut it down now! - Hand up! Out of the vehicle! Come on! Slowly! Out of the vehicle! (SIREN APPROACHES) Put your hands where I can see them! Walk out! Hands away! BIANCA: Darren Faulkes! You are being detained for questioning by the NCC! You OK? Yeah. Yep. Mmm. Mmm. Mm-hm. BIANCA: Search him. Come on. Here. Come on. TONY: This examination of Mr Darren Peter Faulkes is commencing at 3:30pm. Present are the witness, Darren Faulkes, chief investigator Inspector Bianca Grieve, senior counsel Janet King, and myself, chief examiner Tony Gillies. JANET: Mr Faulkes, when you last came in to the NCC, you made an observation. You said it was Oliver Pittman who started this Crime Commission reference. And you know what? You were right. Our investigation did start with that one wide. And then it just got wider and... and wider. We've uncovered salary cap rorts, doping of athletes, illegal drug importation, match fixing. Threats to kill. Suicide. Murder. TONY: Someone's made a very large fortune through corruption in sport. A very large fortune. On which they haven't paid any tax. JANET: Are you perceptive enough to, I don't know, take a stab at who that person is, Mr Faulkes? I'm afraid not. Did you arrange a major betting plunge on Oliver Pittman's wide? An incident that led to him taking his own life? No. Did you influence the Northern Devils Football Club management, encouraging them to give players a performance-enhancing drug, a drug not cleared for human consumption, a drug that killed Tyler Perati? Did you arrange salary cap rorts for the Devils? Did you import trafficable amounts of precursor chemicals in order to pay for these activities? I have no idea... what you're talking about. Did you arrange a betting plunge on Glen Farmer's tennis match at the Western Sydney Open? Who? Where were you taking Richard Stirling? Richie? For a coffee. I urge you to take our questions very seriously, Mr Faulkes. OWEN: Don't quote the Crimes Act at me, mate. I win every time. TONY: What the hell's going on? ! Apologies for barging into your fiefdom, Mr Examiner, but you'll have to stand that witness down. What? And this hearing needs to stop immediately. The state DPP has no jurisdiction over the National Crime Commission. But we do. Agent Simon Nixon, Australian Secret Intelligence Organisation. ASIO? Mr Faulkes is very important to an ongoing operation ASIO is running. Yes, well, he's also very important to the NCC. We've spent months getting to the point where we can present charges against him on a number of very serious offences. Mr Faulkes will not be charged with any offence. BIANCA: He's an out-and-out crook. He's involved in MDMA production... Nor can he suffer any form of public disgrace. He's the head of an extensive criminal network! He's defrauded the Commonwealth up to his eyeballs! He must continue running his construction business, reputation untarnished. Darren Faulkes threatens children. He has people murdered. No brief naming him in any murder has come across my desk. NIXON: Mr Faulkes is critical to an ongoing ASIO operation. Yes, yes, yes, yes. You've said all that. But what you haven't done is explained what he's doing that's so bloody important. He has contacts in various foreign countries, contacts through his construction business and... And through his sports betting scams. We know this. Some of those contacts also fund terrorist recruiters who are targeting young men here in Australia, radicalising them for home-grown acts of terror. Now we need Faulkes to maintain his current position so that when they change their phone and email accounts, they tell him and we track them here in Australia. And what's your role in all this? The DPP has been trying to run several terrorism prosecutions. Mr Mitchell's been very helpful in connecting the dots. I can just imagine. Look, I know that this... change in emphasis is disappointing for the NCC. TONY: Oh, it's not just disappointing to us. The ATO will be spitting chips. You've robbed them of a payday. Oh, you can still claim unpaid taxes and proceeds of crime. ASIO cannot have Faulkes locked up. But we don't mind if his wings are clipped. Might even help us a little. What about his betting scams? He won't make a profit from those anymore. We're letting him run them, but only to, uh... keep the con. Keep the con? Darren Faulkes is a danger to society and he should be locked up for a very long time. On the contrary. He's important to keeping the country safe. And national security outranks organised crime. Sorry, Janet. I wish a bus would come along right about now. (CHUCKLES) He's a bastard. TONY: Like Owen said, terrorism trumps everything. Oh, well. We got the money. That's something, at least. Darren Faulkes. Helping to keep the nation safe. What a joke. I'm done here. I've been worried I might have inadvertently compromised the reference. Sleeping with Owen Mitchell didn't help. You knew? (CHUCKLES) I thought I was so clever. That if anyone was being played in the relationship, it wasn't me. I was wrong. (ENGINE ROARS, THUMP! ) LINA: W-w-wait a minute. The trial date's been brought forward to when? No, I-i-it can't be! That week is impossible for me. I can't even... (SIGHS) Yeah, alright, alright. Um... I'll see what I can do, but I-I can't make any... (SIGHS) Oh! Shit! (SIGHS) (AMAL COOS) ANDY: Mummy's looking really tired. (LAUGHS) Oh! Hello there! I thought Amal should see the important place her mummy works. Oh! I've got a trial now that clashes with the... bar exam, which is the same week as her birthday. What am I doing, Andy? You are gonna come home with us for some takeaway Thai. And tonight, you are free to be on the books. Another night not being spent with this one. And I... I haven't had time to prepare for a case that I'd otherwise win. And you are great at all that. Why isn't that enough? Why do I keep beating myself up trying to prove to the the Janets and the Owens of the world that I can keep up with them? You don't need to prove anything to them. No. No, I don't. The bar exam can just wait. I thought you really wanted to be a barrister. Yeah, but... I don't have to do it right now. I can do it when I'm ready. Really, really ready. - Right now, I... - What? Right now, I just want to go home and eat some takeaway Thai food. (BOTH CHUCKLE) (AMAL COOS) (KNOCK AT DOOR) Yeah? TONY: Janet? Social media are already speculating why a fit 44-year-old woman would die of heart failure. (SIGHS) And it'll it'll just stay speculation now. Zoe's Zoe's beaten that one. You did try. JANET: (SNIFFS) And I failed. - TONY: No success without failure. - JANET: No. And as we've seen, winning comes in all shapes and sizes. As does loss. Thanks. OWEN: Wes Foster brief hit my desk the other day. It's been updated. Gave a very full statement about all the crimes Darren got him to commit. Arson, standover. Drug running. Fraud. Threats to kill. Murder. All the details, dates, times. What Faulkes paid him. Wait. JANET: Perhaps Wes wanted to do his bit to keep the country safe. OWEN: Janet, ASIO are not gonna change their minds. Faulkes is too important to them. And even with a statement like this, it's not like they're gonna suddenly lock him up. Not suddenly, no. But Darren's on borrowed time. Sooner or later, he won't be useful. His cover will be blown, targets will move on, and... once ASIO doesn't need him, all the protections they've put in place will evaporate. Like sweat in the sun. I will lock him up. Didn't get your front page, though, did you? And I've just been offered a new three-year contract as the head of the DPP. And the winner is... Bow-bow! Owen, to beat someone, you have to both be playing the same game. Some of us play short and fast. Others take the longer approach. See you later, Mr Piping Hot. (BRIGHT MUSIC) SONG: ♪ I've been my own friend ♪ I've been my own friend ♪ Things lost and won ♪ Things lost and won ♪ When you pull me aside ♪ Feels like my head ♪ Is going blind ♪ I notice old in you ♪ You notice new in me too (CROWD CHEERS) ♪ If you could take me ♪ If you could save me from this ♪ If you could take me ♪ I would follow you ♪ I would follow you ♪ I would follow you ♪ I would follow you ♪ I would follow you. ♪ This baby's almost ready to be born. For her children. Your mongrels are mine by law. She cannot be seen. The Spartans are in for some very fine sport. How did you find me? Your dear friend Margaret Wells. I found a treasure. - I want Lucy. - You'll be Lucy's keeper? I'm now your master and your lord. You may not ever refuse me! Lucy will be damned. Her soul will burn for murder. It's my murder now. The whole street will witness him leave. We'll hang for this. Where are you going? Pa and Jacob didn't come home last night. I'm going to go and find them. I'm coming with you. No. I'll not be cosseted. Not anymore. What are you doing? I'm going to Ma's house. Charlotte, you can't. I need to know what happened after I left. No, makes no odds what happened. Whether your man lived or died, your neck's in the noose; We need to leave. Why must I run when I haven't done anything wrong? Because it looks like you have and that's all that matters. I need to know that Lucy's safe. Let your mother plot to keep Lucy safe... and we'll do the same for us. - Charlotte. - Do you have brothers or sisters? Many. But not two of us within a hundred miles of each other, that's what happens. Fate scatters you like seed. I won't just leave her. What if I go to the house? Once I've arranged passage; Will that satisfy you? You'll tell me truthfully what you find? Have I not done enough to earn your trust? Mrs. Quigley, please! - Please, I'm begging you! - Shh-shh-shh-shh. Charles was destined for the foundling hospital but when they came to take him away, he grabbed a handful of my hair and wouldn't let go. "This one's a fighter", I thought. But instead, he's as pliable as dough. At the mercy of every hard-nosed jade that would misuse him. He has a big, kind heart. And it pains me that I've hurt him. The true pain awaits. No, Mrs. Quigley. No! No, Mrs. Quigley, no, no! No, please! Please! Help! Where are the family? Are we expected to pretend nothing happened here last night? I don't know what you mean. If Mrs. Wells has fled then we deserve to know. Mon Dieu, even Madam Quigley, she does not murder the gentlemen. That's the constables come for us all. It'll just be a caller. Hold your nerve. And do what she pays you for. Nance! Will didn't come home last night. I thought you'd both been taken. If I'm forced to look at your wicked face I might be inclined to break it. Why? You distracted the wolf by throwing it a babe. Emily. Get in. You stay there, Lucy Wells, there are things you don't need to hear. I'll stay with my mother. You may have grown an inch since you stuck a man, but you'll still do as you're told. What choice did I have? I did it for Lucy. If you had... children then you'd understand. It isn't motherhood that's addled your morals. It's greed. You're only a hairpiece and a powder pot away from being everything you despised. - Where are Will and Jacob? - They walked into the night covered in blood and mud and shame! If he's left you then good on him! Everyone else will follow. In time. They said it was thieves. Poked him in the guts and then dumped him in a pond. Rich bastard. I hope the fishes ate his worm. Whose worm? Your Ma gave Emily Lacey up to bitch Quigley. - Come on. - There she is, Margaret Wells, the big-hearted bawd. My ma does nothing without good cause. This is not the work of common thieves, Constable. His courtesan came here last night with a ruffian in tow. When I interrupted their robbery, they set upon me. Charlotte is a cockish moll, no doubt, but... slaying her master? They were smeared in blood and filth. I knew they were fleeing from villainy but I never imagined this. Sir George and Ms. Wells quarreled two nights ago. She made the most outlandish accusations. She is a fiend... dressed as a damsel. You'll need to repeat all this to the magistrate. If it will see justice done. Where have you been, Mumma? Charles. I expected to find you convalescing. I came to look for you in the night and you weren't there. I was searching for Emily Lacey. But she has disappeared into the gutter and I am left with her debt. And a lesson. - Lesson? - Kindness is a cruelty. In trying to protect you, I have made you soft. - Mumma. - It's time you learned there's more to our business than tableaux and taffeta. I have deprived this house of its master for too long. Sir, I must speak to you about a troubling occurrence. A young girl has been kidnapped. And Sir George Howard has been slaughtered, so everything else will have to wait. We were visited by Sir George Howard yesterday. He dipped his biscuit, got as drunk as a lord, and left late in a hackney carriage. What happened after that we can only surmise. His pickled carcass was dragged from St. James' pond early this morning. Anyone knows something different, now's the time to say. Where is Mr. North? - I don't know where he is. - Mr. North. He's already in chains and we will follow. If they'd been caught we would have heard about it. Then where are they? Kitty? Mrs. Wells, I need to confide in you. And I must also speak with you. Lucy! Lucy! You must not blame yourself, he was a gutless wretch. What did you do with him? They dragged him out the pond near his house this morning. Ma, could you not have made him disappear? And have the last time he was seen be his arrival at my front door? No, this way's better. It's not better for me. Howard and I fought in front of half the town two nights ago. And I was seen at his house last night. - Why did you go there? - To take what is mine. You're a fool. You have incriminated yourself. Are you blaming me? No. What will you do, Charlotte? - I'll have to leave. - No! She risks hanging if she stays. You kill a man but it's me who has to run? - It wasn't Ma that killed him. - Yes it was! She didn't wield the knife but she forced your legs open for any letch with a fortune. She let them fill your belly with anger and disgust. You did this! Then I'll turn myself in. - Ma, no! - I will leave. For you've left me no choice. Maybe it's better this way. Just for a while. That way no one has to die. You'll land on your feet as you always have done. Thank you, Ma, I mean for the gift of whoredom. I can suck and fuck and flatter anywhere in the world. I couldn't stop them. Charlotte Wells, you're wanted for murder. - Take her. - You slander me. - I've killed no one! - You cannot take her! Tell us where we'll find the Irishman! So you can accuse him too? It wasn't her! Get your hands off me, I'm no murderess! Let me go! Ma; I've done nothing wrong! Ma! Ma! I'm innocent! Ma! Charlotte Wells has been arrested. Or the other way around. A visitor, Mumma. Personally, I can never tell which way around they are. Join us, Charles. Charles, did you know that Mrs. Scanwell was once the filthiest of whores? For enough coinage, she would allow groups of sailors to fill her every orifice all at once. It's quite the speciality. Charlotte Wells is suspected of killing the nobleman who kept her. She was dragged from her mother's house by constables. Ms. Pettifer, take Mrs. Scanwell to the door. You threatened my daughter. I need your assurance that Amelia is safe. London is a den of peril. No one is safe. This way, Mrs. Scanwell. Margaret Wells has dropped her prize in the gutter. Get off me! That's the dirty puzzle who murdered her master. Did you cut him a slit deeper than your own? Fuck off! You still don't seem yourself, Fanny. I hope you're not under the weather. I'm not ill, I'm having a baby. Stop. It's as dead as a salted slug. Sorry. You cannot know the baby's mine. Brothel babies aren't anyone's. Mr. North said he'd help me get my children back. I'm sure he will when he returns. You don't know if he will return. And even if he does, Benjamin could have them on a ship by then. I need more money. You have just seen my own daughter be dragged away by constables. I appreciate your pain. And I beg you to appreciate mine. Mrs. Wells, I'm a friend of Charlotte's. She asked me to look in on you. In light of your recent trouble. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know you. Then I'll go and tell her that her concerns are misplaced. She's just been taken from me by the constables. For your murder? I don't know what she's told you but I assume you're the reason she couldn't settle with her gentleman. It was an ill day when she met you. You put this right or I will. Do you think he'll go to the constables? And risk being charged himself? He don't love her that much. Let me come with you to see her. No. It's bad enough one of my girls seeing what festers in London's rear end. I'll not have you there as well. Hello, sir. I heard you have an ace of spades. Indeed we do, sir. She'll be your lucky card. Harriet! Three guineas for your pleasure, sir. It's all I can spare. I wasn't asking for money. You will come back, won't you? Some men come here to forget their wives. I come to remember how mine used to be. Long before raising and burying young 'uns made her careworn. It's a pitiless world for mothers. Constable? I know where you can find a wanted man. I saw a girl taken from a brothel. Her name is Emily Lacey. And the kidnapper was Mrs. Quigley. Your acquaintance. I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. Have you been down to the cells to look at Charlotte Wells yet? - No, sir. - She's rumored to be the most beautiful whore in London. And you are a connoisseur of whores. Though more the caliber that give you cock warts. Daniel Marney, you are wanted for the murder of Sir George Howard. I'm innocent! - I'm innocent! - If you're innocent, why do you resist? We're taking you to the magistrate. I'm innocent! I'm innocent! Justice Cunliffe. I'm here to plead on behalf of my daughter, Ms. Charlotte Wells. Madam, you have some audacity to approach me. I threatened you with flogging and transportation last time we met. And I would risk it for five minutes of your time, sir. Your girl struck down a nobleman, it seems a clear enough case. She is innocent. Sir George's estate manager saw her blood-soaked from the crime. I've met the man. His eyes are black with deceit. He is a respected servant, madam. Liars are cut from all manner of cloth. My daughter is not a murderess. Then she'll be vindicated at trial. When will that be? The day after tomorrow. If she is found guilty, the next hanging day is in five days' time. Your she-bitch of a mother put the watch on my trail. My ma's no friend of the law. The constable knew I'd come from Greek Street. Your ma's whatever she needs to be. Why couldn't you have just stayed in the room? We would have been free. There's a beggar looking for alms, Mother. Let me give her something. Don't be long. And make sure you lock the door behind you. What are you doing here? Don't worry, I don't think she saw anything. We can't meet anymore. Because I made a joke about your ma? Because we've been seen. If my mother finds out... it will finish her. Then we'll be more careful. It's not your mother's heart you're trying to spare. It's your own. You said you'd help. - Yes. - It has to be now. I couldn't wake him. Is he a relative? He's more important than that. Please help us. He needs a physician. I play the whore pipe for a penny a tune. I have no money and even if I did, a proper doctor wouldn't come here. I've nothing to give you. Is there no one you can ask? There is. But some money costs too much. If you get the money, I will make a physician come. Pray for him in case he is taken. Do you fear death more... because you are sinners? Love's not a sin. Lydia. - I want the Wells daughter released. - Impossible. She and her rogue lover butchered a baronet. Well then, set him dancing on the gibbet. And what if she were the architect? I must investigate thoroughly and serve justice. You cannot serve the law and the Spartans. Indulge me. Or they might go without their supper. I know you have already procured their catch. If the Spartans don't dispatch her, who will? You? Have her and be damned; She's in the usual place. Lydia. I trust we part as friends. Do not test our friendship to destruction. She looks like a witch. What business have you? Charlie Quigley. Curly-haired cherub. I used to magic sweeties from your ears. Do you remember? - What do you want? - Your mumma... has taken something that isn't hers. - She's no thief. - No, she's the worst kind. She's a people thief. Sees someone she has need of, snaffles them away, never to return. Where's she taken Emily? Mumma doesn't know or care where Emily Lacey is. When did your mother ever let a dog lie? She feeds on vengeance like maggots on a corpse. Mr. Haxby, I'm here to speak for Charlotte. You call yourself a man of faith? You are knowingly sending an innocent girl to her death. Come. Examine her handiwork and tell me she deserves anything less. Do you think your co-conspirator loves you? I don't think very much about love at all. Men like him buzz around the wealthy like flies about carrion. No doubt it was his idea to rob Sir George's house. Do you know the penalty if you are convicted? Hanging. Killing your master is petty treason. For that we draw and quarter the men and burn women at the stake. Even in death women must suffer more. The method is supposed to protect your modesty. Though, of course, your shift will succumb to the heat long before the flames provide a fig leaf. I could save you from it. Not for free, I'm sure. I do not seek congress with you, Ms. Wells. I seek a just outcome that will satisfy everyone. And what would that be? The Irishman is noose fodder. Men like him don't live until old age. Because men like you don't let them. Attest that you didn't know he intended murder until the deed was done. I did not kill Sir George and nor did Daniel Marney. Florence Scanwell's waiting in the parlor. Have you come to disarouse my customers? I have not come to exchange scorn with you. Mrs. Wells... we are at the mercy of the same demon. Lydia Quigley. Her interest in your family is unnatural. We must join forces against her. You've preached hatred on my doorstep for weeks. My little boy goes to sleep with the sound of your evil in his ears like a cankerous lullaby. If you will not help for my sake, would you do it for sweet Amelia? Quigley intends some foulness against her. Help me, Mrs. Wells. I see virtue in you and... if I have claimed otherwise in the past, it was a lie. On any other day I would. But I've got graver concerns than Lydia Quigley. I am praying for Charlotte. Had we met yesterday I might have congratulated you on bedding the magnificent Charlotte Wells for free. I assume you have bedded her. Alas, today, we realize what a high price you'll pay for her. I have committed no crime. Tell me, did she actually use you as her instrument of murder or seek you out once the crime was done? Either way, she's used you like the witless mick you are. She is innocent and so am I. No jury'll hang either of us. You're half right. Women like Charlotte Wells don't go to the gallows at Tyburn. But a baronet is dead so someone will have to. What did the magistrate say to you? Nothing I didn't already know. Mrs. Wells, I need to speak to you in private. Harriet, if I hear one more word about your children, I swear I'll put you out that door. Last night this house was filled with cries of pleasure. Apart from one soul who cried in fear and agony. I believe the magistrates would be interested to know what I heard. I will scream what I know from the rooftops if you force me. She took you in. It's all I have. Take it. They left an hour ago. To where? They took a coach to Wapping dock. Five shillings. Thanks. Betsey. Bobby, did you talk to the magistrate; Is he gonna look for Emily? It was like telling the fox that the henhouse had been raided. The hounds are coming, vixen. Shh. I've heard she peels a man's skin off like a rind. Don't worry, she won't flay you for free. Emily Lacey is in worse danger than you thought. I fear the justice is involved. Go on. Shh. Breathe slowly or you will suffocate. Good girl. Nice and deep. That which we cannot change... must be surrendered to. - Justice Cunliffe. - What do you want? Mumma sent me. To guard the girl. Good. You guard her. You stay away from me. No, Emily, what I said to the judge was a lie. Your mother is the worst cunt I've ever known and you, you're her rancid womb fruit! You devious bastard. You had her all along. No, please! Please, I'm trying to rescue her! Stop, Nancy, stop! I hear you're presiding over a cause célèbre. Ms. Wells has transgressed nature's most sacred law and killed above herself. Punish her hard. The court will deal with her. And what about our little backroom court? Does a girl wait in the dark? We must postpone. The house and the girl are compromised. I will need to replace both. Then do so. They are not the only things that must change. I want a seat at the table, as you promised me. Not to take part in the sport, I have no appetite for that. But I must know the devil I dine with. I can take your request to the others but I suspect it will be denied. Then you will take my farewell and best wishes. Tread carefully, John. Your mother sold me to a pack of dogs who planned to rip my throat out. I didn't know anything about it. You need to take your face out your mumma's teats and see what she's up to. You want me to spy on her? You can't be on everyone's side, Charlie. - Where are you going now? - To find Pa and Jacob. I'm going to tell the magistrates what I did. Come with me. I won't see Charlotte put to death for something I did. I'd rather be dead myself. I've told you, it won't happen. By what miracle are you going to stop it? Fine. Give yourself up. I'll come with you, shall I? Tell them how Sir George was clinging to life until I peeled his fingers from it. We can hang together, holding hands. It's not a jesting matter, Ma. I'm not jesting. Every girl that was in this house last night will rot in a dungeon for their silence and Jacob will read in a newspaper how we pissed ourselves as our necks snapped and spend the rest of his life trying to rid himself of the image. I'm sorry, Ma. Leave me alone. Ma? Get out. Get out! There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, Finn. Charles, where have you been? Looking for Emily Lacey. But you were right, she is gone. Fate lays a snare for the wicked. She will be punished, just not at our hands. You are not yet recovered, my princeling. Perhaps I'll rest. You're as gaunt as a Newgate beggar. Are you unwell? I have a gold nugget for you. Do share. It's worth more than a couple of coins. I do hope you're not overselling it. Well? The rich man they dragged from St. James'? He was already dead as flint when he left the Wells' brothel last night. Silly boy. I would have paid thrice that. I can't, I can't! KARA: When I was a child, my planet Krypton was dying. I was sent to Earth to protect my cousin. But my pod got knocked off-course and by the time I got here, my cousin had already grown up and become Superman. I hid who I really was until one day, when an accident forced me to reveal myself to the world. To most people, I'm a reporter at CatCo Worldwide Media. But in secret, I work with my adoptive sister for the DEO to protect my city from alien life and anyone else that means to cause it harm. I am Supergirl. Previously on Supergirl... I care about you. - Well... - I get that you don't care about me. - I do care about you. - But not in the same way. That's fine. That's... It's okay. My people, they know where I am. They're coming. - (MUSIC PLAYING) - (LAUGHTER) - Club soda on the rocks. - Thank you. Uh, hey, Mon-El? Yeah. So, I know things have been a little weird since that conversation we had the other night. Right. You know, I've been talking to some of the regulars and apparently Earth males are only supposed to express their feelings about sports and, occasionally, monster trucks. So... No, it was great that you were honest. That's actually a trait women like in men. But here's the thing, um, you were right. I'm not so sure we're a good match. Yeah. Yeah, no. I'm just glad we're on the same page, you know. I mean, I have my career in journalism that I just started out on. In the meantime, when I'm not being Supergirl, I really need to focus on that. And even if I did have time to date someone, I wouldn't date someone like... Someone who... Who... - Who is... - An intergalactic bartender? - Yes! - Yes. No. It's... Because it's not your job. It's... It's the way you are. I'm going to go over there now. Okay. Oh, that looked serious. He told me he liked me the other day. I'm so shocked. - Was it that obvious? - Duh! Well, I don't like him, and I had to tell him and I just shoved both feet into my mouth. I'm sure it wasn't that bad. It was, though. It really, really was. (SIGHS) But on to more important things. - Earth birthday! - Yes! 13 years since I crashed here on Earth. So, I know we always just do cupcakes, but I was thinking we should go all out for lucky number 13. I've always wanted to try country line dancing, so I made us this reservation at a club. If we get there before 7:00, they teach us all these tutorials and the dances! Oh, I should call them and make sure that we can rent cowboy boots. Uh, well, about Earth birthday... I know we celebrate every year, but the thing is, that, um, Maggie surprised me with concert tickets to the Barenaked Ladies tonight. - Oh... - And, um, she knows that I've loved them since college. It would be our first concert together and so, you know, I was... Maybe if there's... Do you think we can celebrate another night? Oh, my God! (GASPING) You are not going to believe this. One of the guys at my precinct is working security at the venue tonight and he was able to upgrade our tickets to VIP! - Boom! - Oh, my God! That's amazing. That's great. That's great. Is everything okay? Sounds like you guys are gonna have a lot of fun tonight. - Are you sure? - Go! Go! Have fun. Okay. Okay. Bye. Go. Kara, you all right? Can I get you anything to drink? Just get me something strong. Actually, you know what, I'll have what he's having. Oh, he's been drinking exclusively club soda for the last week. Really? Oh. I'll just stick with my club soda then. Thank you. (RATTLING) I know you're there. I saw you yesterday, too. The old lady at the bus stop. And you were that little boy in the park this morning. Yeah. Why are you following me? Do you regret letting me out of that cell? - Of course not. - But you still don't trust me! I do trust you. It's just what you said, your people know where you are, the White Martians are coming. As an agent of the DEO, I have a duty to protect this Earth. If any of those monsters show up, I have to be ready. Well, like I said, they're coming. They're not here yet. So, you can stop... (ROARING) M'orzz! (GRUNTS) Mind if I cut in? I didn't know if we'd see you tonight. Why wouldn't you be? Thought you might be off Guardian-ing or whatever. You understand I'm just worried about you. You don't have to worry about me. You got beaten up a few weeks ago. You could have been killed. Hmm. Hmm. I know James thinks he has a calling, but you have to see how crazy this is, right? Have you ever thought that maybe I have a calling, too? What have you found, Agent Schott? (CLEARS THROAT) Nothing yet. This guy is hard to track. But we're monitoring every probable target so when he does attack... (CLICKS TONGUE) we'll be ready. In that case, I'll prep our strike teams. J'onn, you should stay here at the DEO. For protection. It's not here for J'onn. It's here for me. Hunting me. The White Martians want me to pay for my war crimes. They're telling me. - Psychically. - Then you have to remain here. If you go outside, you're vulnerable. I can't put you all in danger. That's what we do. We protect people. I don't need protection. M'gann. You're making a big mistake. Risking yourself helps no one. This is my fight, J'onn. You're cut off after this one. Armek. (SPEAKING MARTIAN) Don't call me that. Would you prefer it in the human tongue, wife? I am no longer bonded to you. The nest has been cold these 300 years without you. It was always cold. You've been impersonating a Green. How do you live with yourself? I thought you were dead, and I suppose it gave me some comfort. Your parting gift. No, you didn't kill me, but you came closer than anyone ever will. I've come to bring you back to Mars, k'onahr. Your treachery is legend. The Council wants to see you dead more than J'onn J'onzz. And I will satisfy H'ronmeer, God of Death, by watering the desiccated plains of T'ozz with your blood. I will never go back. Oh, but you should see it. With the eradication of the vermin, Mars is a paradise. The way it was intended to be. The Greens have been silenced. The ones who thought they were better than us. We are now one pure hive. So, who are you going to kill next? What other species deserves to be obliterated because you decide you're better than them? Whichever one we choose. I'm not afraid of you. Maybe not. But I don't need to bond with you to know that J'onn J'onzz and the Kryptonian are your friends. (SIGHS) This has nothing to do with them. If you ever cared for me, you'll leave them alone. I'm going to make this very simple. You have two hours to turn yourself over to me. If you do, I may let them live. If you don't... Let's just say, I'm glad you made friends here on Earth, M'gann. It will be such a pleasure to watch them burn. HANK HENSHAW: Where are you going? I'm leaving. They'll just find you again. I've put you all in danger. I need to get out of here. For everyone's sake. M'gann, I spent many lifetimes running, convinced I was on this Earth alone, no one to call family, no one to call a friend. I refused to open my eyes to what was right in front of me. People who were willing to take a chance. It's taken me hundreds of years to learn to trust again after... After what my people did. You are not your people. Okay? You are kind and you are generous and willing to put yourself before others. You are different. I know that now. Then you know that I can't just stay here and let these monsters hurt you and your friends. They're not just my friends, they're your friends, too. And they want to protect you. Please. Don't run away. Trust us. (MUSIC PLAYING) Man, the last time I saw them, I think I was in college. - What about you? - What? Oh, I don't remember. You know, for a super-fan, you are not that excited. No, I am. I promise. Really? Because I've seen your face when you defeat a blood-thirsty alien. I know what excited Alex Danvers looks like, and this isn't quite it. No. This is... It's perfect, all of it. I just... Kara... (SIGHS) I think I hurt her feelings. That's... So... I'm sorry. I don't need you to be sorry, I just wanted you to have fun. And right now, something's eating at you. No. No. I'm just distracted. So, now... I'll forget about it for the rest of the evening. I promise. You know, the days of you pushing down your feelings are officially over. So go. Go talk to your sister. - Really? - Yeah. I'll meet you there. (KISSING) You're the best. Hey. Shouldn't you be at your concert? Ah, well, I wanted to check in. I was just going to get an update, but I don't think we've found anything yet. No. I mean I wanted to check in about us. I'm... I'm sorry I bailed on your Earth birthday. You made all those plans. I made them this morning, it's not a big deal. This morning? - So last-minute of you. - I know. I know I got a little over-excited. But it... It's okay. We can celebrate another night. So, you're not mad at me? (GIGGLES) No, no, no, I am not mad. Because it really felt like you were mad at me. And then I felt guilty for trying to have fun. Alex, I was being immature. I want you to have fun with your girlfriend, it's... It's not a big deal, it's fine. - You promise? - Absolutely. You find out anything else? All is clear on the Martian front. We were about to game plan some new tracking techniques. M'gann. You're here. I want to help in any way that I can. I hate them even more than you do. It's very brave of you to come. We'll do everything we can to keep you safe. Agent Schott, let's brief M'gann on what we know so far. - Yep, come on. - Come on. Guys... J'onn, I thought about what you said... Oh, my God. Wait. If she's here and she... - Oh, no. - No. No. You Greens never learn, do you? (GRUNTING) COMPUTER: Auxiliary power activated. He's gone! COMPUTER: Lock-down mode initiated. Why are you putting us in lock-down? The only way to catch that thing is to trap it in here. - With us? - We don't even know where it went. Or where it didn't go. It could still be here. It could be any of us. This is everyone who was inside when the doors shut. If one of us is a White Martian, how do we tell who's really themselves? Oh, that's easy, we just have to ask personal questions. Right, like, things we only would know the answer to. Like what's the scented candle that I hate? - Teak wood and tobacco. - No. They can read minds, too. They know all your preferences, everything that makes you who you are. - What are you looking at? - What? - All right. Hey! - Whoa, whoa! - Holster your sidearms! - Yes, do that, please. - I wasn't looking at you. - Yes, she was. She's the White Martian. Now you really better put that away. But it could be her. It could be any of you. Stop pointing your weapon. - Then back off! - Come on! We're not going to lose it here. J'onn, you can read minds. Can you scan us to see who's who? No, I can't. There's some kind of psychic interference. Well, that's convenient. He's after me. I should turn myself over. Maybe he'll let you go. Great idea. Mission accomplished. - Absolutely not. - That is not how we do things. It's all my fault. I'm the one who sealed us in here. No, you don't understand. This isn't just any White Martian. Armek was my mate. Mate, like your husband? It's not the same for White Martians. It was an arrangement, not a choice, but yes. We were bonded. And you all have a right to know that he is the worst of my kind. Oh, well, that makes me feel so much better. - It doesn't matter who he is. - J'onn's right. We're going to find him and we're going to beat him. First things first. I'm going to collect everybody's sidearms. - Are you crazy? - Will somebody take his gun? (CLAMORING) All right! That's enough! There is one way to determine who is the White Martian and who isn't. How? There was a time when we were in hiding on Mars. Trying to build a resistance to the White Martians. We worked out of a network of caves, but they would infiltrate us, send in spies to wreak havoc. Anyone who came through the mouth of the cave had to put their hand to the fire. What did the fire do? This. Okay, that's not creepy at all. (LAUGHS) Do Vasquez first. She was so quick to deny that she's a Martian. Because I'm not, you moron. Now him. MEGAN: J'onn... You okay? J'onn... He's not doing it. (SPEAKING MARTIAN) - Winn? - Hmm? You're up. Oh, wait, seriously? It's me. Everyone has to do it. Okay. Geez. (CHUCKLES) You got me. (GRUNTS) (YELLING) (CHOKES) I'm so glad you didn't turn yourself in, my love. I would have missed all the fun. (GRUNTING) (ZAPPING) (GRUNTS) I can't believe it was Winn and I didn't know. None of us knew. No, thanks. I'm armed. - You okay? - Yeah. The motion sensor is offline. Thank God the containment cells are still locked. As Winn, he had access to the whole system. - (ALARM BLARING) - Now what? - It's the reactor. - What reactor? The one that powers the building. - It's going into overload. - What does that mean? It means he sabotaged it. This whole building is going to explode. And it's going to take ten city blocks with it. Why would he wanna blow the building up? He's inside, too, he'll die. It doesn't matter to Armek. He'd proudly give his life to complete his mission. - Can we shut it down manually? - No. The White Martian who took Winn's form also took his intelligence and re-encoded everything. We're locked out of the entire system. So, we need the real Winn to unlock it. How do we know that Winn's even in the building? In order for Armek to shape-shift into Winn so exactly, he'd have to be close by, to keep the telepathic link. He's in the DEO. Can't Supergirl X-ray vision the building to find him? No. Someone lined the walls of the building with lead. We need to search the building. How long until the reactor explodes? According to our calculations, about 15 minutes. Vasquez, Demos, you take two teams up through the north wing. Supergirl, Alex, you hit the basement. Let's go. Psst! (INAUDIBLE) What? (WHISPERING) Look around the corner. Oh. Oh. All clear. We're not so good at communicating these days, are we? I was mad before. About Earth birthday. I knew it. I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have bailed on you. It hurt my feelings. (SIGHS) I know. It wasn't fair. Look, I don't want to feel bad for wanting to spend time with Maggie. You shouldn't. It's a good thing. (SIGHS) It's just... Ever since I've been on Earth, I don't know what life is like, without you there all the time. And I felt that changing and it's just... Scary. When my parents put me on that pod in Krypton, I... I don't think I realized what was actually happening. I didn't know that I was saying goodbye to them forever. I've been abandoned before, and I didn't wanna be abandoned again. I will never abandon you. (CRASH) - What was that? - Let's find out. We're not going to be able to find him in time. I should have handled this on my own. I'd never let you do that. I know you think it's your duty, but... It's not just my duty, M'gann. It's more than that. You've become dear to me in a way no one has been since... I just had this huge hole in my heart for so long now. I never thought... Dreamed that anybody would be able to fill it. When I realized you were a White Martian, I never thought that that person would be... You. But I was wrong. Your spirit is so beautiful and brave. Now that I'm able to see that, I can't imagine my life without you. I'm brave because you showed me how to be. I'll protect you, M'gann. Forever. J'onn... (GASPS) Be careful. HANK HENSHAW: Winn! What's that? Oh, my God. - (ON COMM) Supergirl! - What's up, J'onn? We were wrong! There are two White Martians in the building. - What? - It's Alex! The other White Martian has shape-shifted into Alex! Alex? You guys are so dumb... (GROWLS) (GRUNTS) What's wrong, Supergirl? Too afraid to put up a fight? Never. (GRUNTS) COMPUTER: Core breach in five minutes. - Nice shot, sis. - You're not my sister. Maybe heat vision isn't a good idea in a room with an unstable nuclear reactor. Then I guess we're gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way. - Winn! - Ow! Why? Was I... Was I on the ceiling? Martian. White Martians are here! Yes. Yes, and the building is going to explode. We've got to get out of here! - No. No. No. - No? Why no? The White Martians infiltrated the reactor in the basement. And I need you to shut it down before the whole thing overloads. No. Damn it. No. I can't shut it down remotely. I have to go to the reactor room. Then let's get to the reactor room. Hey, you two go. She's still a little out of it. I'm gonna make sure she's okay. - (GRUNTING) - Hey. It's okay, I can walk. How are you doing? Ugh! (PANTING) To tell you the truth, I'm glad they found your sister. It is so exhausting pretending to care about your silly little feelings. (GRUNTING) If you hurt her... You'll what? Whine at me? (GROWLS) Almost there. How long till you disable the reactor? COMPUTER: Core breach in four minutes. - About four minutes? - Good answer. As long as I can focus, it should be easy. Oh, God! Monsters are real. - J'onn, J'onn! - (ROARING) Go, go! (ROARS) I haven't killed a Green in centuries. (GRUNTS) This is going to be a joy. You never should have come here. (GROANS) (ROARS) Okay. Okay, whoever encoded this was a genius. - COMPUTER: Core breach in three minutes. - We have to re-route it. (GRUNTING) This did not used to happen at CatCo. (SCREAMING) This is for every Green you ever killed. In that skin, you look like a monster. We're the monsters, Armek. This skin is beautiful. COMPUTER: Core breach in two minutes. Just don't look behind you. (SCREAMS) (GRUNTS) (GASPING) (SPEAKS MARTIAN) (SCREAMING) (GROANS) That should do it. COMPUTER: Core stabilized. - Oh, that was a close one. - (SIGHS) Close? We had, like, you know, 12 seconds to spare. (BOTH CHUCKLE) (GROANS) You okay? Well... Yeah. Thank you. (GROWLS) Have I mentioned how much I love my new gun? (BEEP) COMPUTER: Lock-down terminated. (SIGHS) I can't believe it's still nighttime. Feels like it's been one week. (SCOFFS) One Week. Barenaked Ladies. (GASPS) I've got to call Maggie. Hey, you did a great job with that decoding down there. Well, thank you. You did a great job with the de-Martianing. (BOTH LAUGH) Uh, I'm going to go see James. See if he needs my help tonight. Unless you object? No. Just... Be safe. Always. Thank you for saving me. I should be thanking you. I've been on my own for so long and... Though I had a mother, she wasn't warm, that's not our way, but she cared for me. I know she did. And I'd forgotten that feeling until now... What it feels like to have a family. Which is what makes this so hard. I'm going back to Mars. Why? There must be other voices like mine. White Martians who have the desire and the capacity to change, who don't want to be defined by the hatred of our kind, but just need a push to do the right thing. They could kill you as soon as you land. Maybe, but if I don't try, they're never going to stop hunting me. You know that's true. You've shown me what it is to stand up and fight. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. Please tell me you understand. Oh, darling. I'm so happy for you. Honey, isn't this terrific? (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Happy Earth birthday. Look, there's a "K." (GIGGLES) Well... Go ahead. Blow it out. Gently! - Thank you. - You're welcome. Was Maggie mad that you missed the concert? Well, luckily, I have a girlfriend that understands when deadly aliens besiege my place of work, that takes precedence. Yeah, I'm glad everyone is okay. That last White Martian... Oof! First of all, boy, did it do a good impression of you, and second, you got there just in time. Uh, speaking of that White Martian, um... When it was me, did you have a conversation? Because I have these memories. They're like a... Almost like a dream, that we talked. But I'm not really sure if that was real. Do you remember? Yeah. So I'm not crazy? Nope. I guess if the White Martian's bond is strong enough, the telepathy goes both ways. Yeah. I guess so. Kara. I'm not ever going anywhere. I promise. Just because I'm with Maggie, it doesn't mean I'm not with you... - Always. - I know. I... I guess I made those big plans because I wanted the day to be extra special. I felt you were slipping away. I'm not. Ever. But is that the only reason you made such big plans? What do you mean? Look, sometimes, you know, in our life, when one part is really confusing, we will pour way more attention than necessary into another. And, you know, you looked a bit overwhelmed when you talked to Mon-El. So, maybe the reason that you made such big plans with me was so that you didn't have to think about how you actually feel about him. I told him how I feel. Mmm-hmm. And you really believe that? He's complicated. Mmm-hmm. But it's not just about him, it's about me. Every time I put myself out there, it backfires. I don't want it to happen again, it's too risky. You know, I happened to have taken a rather big romantic risk recently. - (GIGGLES) - And I gotta say... - It pays off. - (SCOFFS) Maybe he's worth a shot. Armek's ship is in low-Earth orbit. I can transmat up to it from here. Will you tell them at the bar? I will let them know that you're going away. J'onn, about what you said before... I shouldn't have said anything. It was totally inappropriate. I feel it, too. I have for a while. I just didn't... Know what it was. I've just had one of the hardest nights of my life, and I'm heading into something I probably won't survive, but standing here with you, I feel like everything's going to be okay. You have changed me forever. Goodbye, J'onn. Goodbye, Miss Martian. (SIGHS) MIKE: I couldn't even believe it. There's a thing called a Dunkaroo. Have you ever heard of this? - No. - It's... Kara! Mike... - Eve! Hi. - Hi. It's so funny, Mike, that you're here. I was going to call you later to talk about something, but... Um... Are you two headed somewhere? Lunch. - Together? - Yep. That's great. That's really great. Oh. Shoot! You know, I left my cell phone at my desk. - I'll be right back. - Sure. Hey, I heard what happened at the DEO. Is everything okay? Oh, well, I've... I've never seen anything like it, but everyone's fine. Good. Good. Good. All right. So, is that together, like on a date? Yeah. I mean, you rejected me. So it's time to move on, right? Right. - That was a pretty quick turnaround. - (BOTH LAUGH) Uh, yes. Yes, I guess that is true, um... Gotta swipe right till you find the one. Right? - Isn't that what the kids say? - As you should. (SNIFFLES) Hey, you, uh... You said you wanted to talk about something? Or was it... - Um... - Ready! It's... No, it's fine. You guys have a... a good date. Welcome back to Clash of the Cupcakes. Thank you, DJ Sweet Treats. Right now, I have to share some rather unpleasant news. Uh, we were supposed to have some very special guest judges today, specifically five of them, the legendary dance crew Jabbawockeez. But, uh, I got here today, and I didn't see 'em. Hey! I don't want to hear that. They were supposed to be here. I don't know what happened. ♪ ♪ Give it up for the Jabbawockeez! We'll be right back with more Clash of the Cupcakes. Hey, Dev. Uh, great job, man, great job. Uh, we got a small issue on the last segment, though. What's up, Lawrence? So the Jabbawockeez, they don't take their masks off. They need to take the masks off, right? They gotta taste the cupcakes. I don't know. Apparently, it's in their contract that they don't take their masks off. Like, somebody should have read that beforehand. Yeah, somebody, you. You're the producer that booked 'em. Ah, damn. For real? We gonna play the blame game? Maybe what we should be doing is putting our big boy pants on to figure out a solution. All right, Lawrence, what if, you know, some of the guys are dancing in the front and then one of the Wockeez just dips behind the table and eats the cupcakes there? See what happens when we have teamwork, when we work together? That was just my idea. Oh, oh. So we're just going right back to being childish, huh? I'm just gonna go let the Wockeez know our idea. Jesus. Hey, Dev. Hey, what's up, Lisa? Just coming in for a quick touch-up. Sure. So you're Indian, right? Yes. Well, I'm friends with this Indian guy I think you might know. Come on, you're not gonna do that shit, are you, Lisa? You don't go up to white people and go, "Hey, you're white, right? I know this white person. You might know 'em?" Well, he said he went to college with you. Rohan? All right, I do know him. - Hmm. - My bad. That's the only time in history that hasn't been racist. Uh, Dev, um, one more thing. When we sign off, make sure you go, "Thank you to the Jabbawockeez for blessing the stage." No, I'm not saying that. But you have to. It's in the contract. And when you say it, make sure you put a little pizzazz in it. Why didn't anyone read the contract? I did read the contract. I skimmed it. I didn't skim too well. I missed a couple of things. - Jesus. - Shit. You're stressing me out. - Lawrence. - Huh? You really need to floss while we're doing our tapings? Hell yeah. I don't fuck with plaque. That shit like termites for your teeth. Motherfucker don't even want me to floss. ♪ ♪ The competition is over, and it's time for these cupcakes to clash. What will be the judges' cupcake conclusion? Wockeez, it's time for the taste tests. The Jabbawockeez have a very strict don't-take-their-masks-off policy, hence the dance routine instead of a traditional taste. ♪ ♪ I don't know if it's a secret identity issue or what it is, but really doesn't seem like a big deal to me. ♪ ♪ All right, guys, it's a 30-minute show. Let's speed it up here. ♪ ♪ Really just need you to take a bite of the cupcake. ♪ ♪ And the dance is over... finally. What is your decision? ♪ ♪ And the winner is Jake's Cakes from Henderson, Nevada, with their Red Velvet Underground cupcakes. Thank you so much for watching. My name is Dev Shah. This has been Clash of the Cupcakes. And I also want to thank the Jabbawockeez for... blessing the stage. We'll see you next time. Stay sweet, America. ♪ ♪ - Surprise! - Surprise! Jesus! It's just us. How'd you guys get back here? Oh, there's no security. We just walked in. It was really easy. Figures. Thank you so much for this experience. We never thought we'd see the Wockeez so up close and personal. You know we're huge Wockee heads. Can we go meet them now? - We're so pumped. - Please, please. Yeah, sure. - Yes! - Yes! Did you guys rehearse that? - Yeah. - Yeah. Hey, guys, I-I had some friends that just wanted to say hello if that's cool. Oh, my God. It's Joe "Punkee" Larot, Rynan "Kid Rainen" Paguio, Phil "Swagger Boy" Tayag. How do you know who's who? I can tell by their movements. You guys, that might have been your best performance since your dance with Taylor Swift at the 2013 Billboard Music Awards. Yeah, it was even better than your routine with Shaq at the 2009 All-Star Game. And by the way, I'm Arnold, and this is Brian. And we know it's against Wockee code to talk, but we just wanted to come give you a quick Jabba bow to pay our respects. All right, what the fuck? Okay, that's good, guys. I'm sure the Wockeez have somewhere to go dance. Take care, guys. Did I seem cool around them? Dude, you did so great. Thanks for hooking us up, man. Hey, do you want to grab dinner later? I can't. I'm actually grabbing dinner with Jeff Pastore tonight. Wait, the Jeff Pastore, the TV guy, Chef Jeff? Yeah. He's a producer on the show. He's kind of my boss. Wow, I love Jeff's Table. Did you ever see that Vietnam episode? It was pho-nomenal. Did anyone ever say that before? Probably. At some point. I don't know. It's pretty good. I've never heard it. What are you guys doing now? Um, some friends of mine from Italy are in town. Remember Francesca and Pino? We're going to the Brooklyn Museum. - Care to join? - No can do, bud. We're heading up to Queens to the Kids Foot Locker. The Wockeez are doing a little in-store blessing. We got to get those primo seats. Arnie, you're gonna block all these kids' views. First come, first served. Buona sera! Buona sera! Shah! Hi. - Wow. - It's so good to see you! I can't believe you're here! Neither can I. You're still Italian. Yes. How are you? I'm good. Where's your boyfriend, Mr. Pino? Well, he had to work. He's meeting some tile distributors. So it's just me. Well, the man loves tiles. So New York City? Your first visit? What do you think? I don't know. There's so much stuff here. Yeah. You should put that on a shirt. New York City: There's so much stuff here. Well, no, I mean it. I mean, I've been walking all day through the city just staring at the building like this. Ah! - I love it. - Ah. Well, that is adorable. I gotta tell you something, though. I am very hungry. Is there any way we can see the entire museum in, like, three minutes and then go get food? What does that mean? If you're good, I'll give you a cookie. - Yay! Deal. - Deal. Come on. Let's go in. - Oh, how is the cupcake show going? - It's all right. It's not the most inspiring gig, but it's okay. Hmm. Can I be honest? Oh, God. Go ahead. Have your fun. Shit on Clash of the Cupcakes all you want. Okay, I don't understand why do people watch this show? It's just a show about watching people eat cupcakes. I don't know. I just host it, all right? I say the contestants' names, and I announce the winners at the end. Really? That's all you do? Couldn't they just write it on the screen? They do, but I say it in a really enthusiastic way. - Okay, wait. - It's very important. I want to hear that. Right now? Yes, right now. Come on. Do it. - No way. - Please! We don't have this kind of show in Italy. Please, do it for me just once. Please. Please? Please? Please? Please welcome, all the way from Cleveland, Karen from Karen's Confections! That was awful. Ah. So this is the piece that I really wanted to see. It's called The Dinner Party. Cool. Is it me or do all these look like vaginas? Yeah, it's kind of like saying that all these women across history have been discriminated against just because they have vaginas. Whoa. Did this lady have a piano vagina? I'm never going to a museum with you again. Oh, how was the... The date the other night? It was fun. I had a lovely evening with this woman named Priya. Oh. Priya. - Oh. - Where did you meet her? I met her on, uh, one of those dating apps. What are dating app? It's like these apps on your phone where you see people's faces, and when you see a face you like, you hit a button, and if they hit a button on your face, then you have a match. And then you can send each other messages and then you go out on a date. Wow, when you say it out loud, it sounds insane. No, it sounds crazy. It is, but you meet people. You know? I had a good time with Priya. Okay, then tell me about your night with her. Um, well, we went to a wine bar. Mm. And then we went to this roof bar. Mm. And then we had some kissing in the cab. Oh. And then what? Did you call her the day after? I sent her a nice text message that night that said... Oh, that's sweet. "Hey, Priya, thanks for a lovely evening. I'm jealous of the lucky pillow that gets to hold your beautiful face tonight." That's nice, right? What? That's a nice text. If you got a text like that from a guy, you wouldn't be like, "Oh, that's sweet"? No, I would do, like, "Ugh." Well, Priya said, "Ugh, let's get dinner on Thursday." I'm right. You're wrong. I win. You lose. I'm out. Goodbye. I'm gonna keep looking at vaginas. Hi, um, I'm having dinner with Chef Jeff. Ah, yes, of course. He's right this way. ♪ ♪ Uh-oh! Here he is! Come here. Bring it in, huh? - Bring it in, brother. - Hey, how's it going? Good, man. Good to finally meet you. I'm sorry it's taken so long. Oh, no problem. Uh, my pleasure. And now, full disclosure. It's my third dinner tonight. - Wow. That's a lot of dinners. - Yeah, it's not my fault, man. You know, I just wandered into Shuko, say hi to my friend Nick, he's all, "Chef, you gotta try this tuna." Story of my life, right? Next thing you know, I'm ten courses deep - into the tasting menu. - Mm-hmm. So then I pop in to Casa Mono to have a drink with a friend, just one drink, next thing you know, I'm knee-deep in the best paella I've had all year. Crazy fuckin' night. Ah, well, full disclosure. This is my first dinner, and for lunch I had a boring salad. I ate half. Next thing you know, I'm throwing it in the trash. That's what you do. Gentlemen, compliments of the chef, octopus pizzaiolo, beef carpaccio Piemontese, and some fresh mozz that we made here in the house. Thank you, Tim. Tim, one second. There's something wrong with the mozzarella. Yep, just what I thought. It's fuckin' delicious. We're gonna need another round. - You got it. - Hey, hold me back, Tim. Hold me back. Dinner number three. What do you say you and I have a heart attack tonight, huh? That sounds pretty fun. I think you might really have one. I love it, man. Now, a little birdie told me you spent some time in Italia. True or false? Uh, the little birdie was telling the truth. I lived in Modena for a few months, learned how to make pasta. You're kidding me. Modena? Home of tortellini in brodo. We went there a couple years ago with Jeff's Table. Best episode ever. - You see that one? - Yeah, it was great. You remember that fuckin' scene... Remember that scene where I'm sitting there with the old guy in the cafe with the hat? I actually didn't see it. You just seemed so fired up, I wanted to tell you I saw it. I love it. I'll send you a link. - All right. - All right. Hey, Tim. Where the fuck is that mozzarella? I'm kidding. I love you. I mean it. I'm inviting you to my next barbecue. You better be there, you son of a bitch. I got him the job. This is so good. Yeah. All right. Favorite taco in New York. Mm, Los Tacos Number 1, the al pastor. Fuckin' kidding me, bro? Me too. I love that place. Holy shit. Hey, pastor pals over here. You know where I gotta take you? El Ferron. Playa del Carmen, Mexico. Look at this. - Look at that al pastor. - Oh! - Right? - That looks good. Have you ever gotten sexually charged from looking at a picture of al pastor? 'Cause I'm a rocket right now. God damn. Look at that. Anything? I'm not erect, but it does look really good. I love your passion. You and I, we're gonna be having a lot of food together, I have a feeling. In fact, what are you doing this Friday? You around? I'm having a going away dinner at my place. Love to have you and a guest. I'm there. Who's going away? I am. I'm doing a pop-up dinner in Stonehenge next week. Speaking of which, I got dinner number four. I'm meeting some people from my new charity, Jeff's Kids. Love those kids. Don't have a heart attack. Timmy, can we get a check? Oh, Chef, the meal's compliments of the house. God damn it, you son of a bitch! You son of a bitch! They do this all the time. All right, tell him thanks. Oh, shit. I almost forgot. Bottle of champagne there, I brought that for you. You didn't have to do this. Hey. We're pastor pals. Okay? - FaceTime me. - I will. Damn. Talk to me, buddy. I need the game plan. Give it to me step-by-step. All right, start it off with some cocktails at PDT. Ooh, masterful. Classy cocktails. It's hidden. It's intimate. I love it. - You been to this bar before? - Yeah. - It's good cocktails, right? - Yeah. Hey, guys, flat or sparkling? Uh, sparkling, please. Uh, I'll do flat. So how was your day? It was good. Um, we did a taping of Clash of the Cupcakes. Uh, you know we had that dance crew the Jabbawockeez on earlier this week? Who is that? They're like these guys. They, like, dance and have masks. They were really good. Cool. Um, how about you? How was your day? Yeah, it was a pretty normal day. Just meetings and whatnot. All right. Went with sparkling water, huh? Yeah. I'm more of a flat water guy. Sometimes I'll do sparkling water with lemon. That's fun. I like flat water too. I mean, they're both good. Yeah. They both are good. Okay, where are we headed to next? For dinner, I'm thinking something fun, festive: a little barbecue. No. Not authorized. What? Why? You'll have that sticky sauce all over your face. That's not a cute look. Ooh, good point. See, this is why we have these talks. How about this? Dinner at Il Buco. Perfecto. Pasta: me likey. So, um, should we split a few pastas? Oh, I don't really love splitting. I'd kind of rather just order for myself if that's okay. Yeah, of course. But... they do encourage sharing. You sure? Yeah, I think I'm just gonna get the fish. All right. Don't ask for a bite of mine. - All right. - No, you can... You can have a bite. Um... Doing anything fun for the weekend? Um, yeah, I'm going to a Rangers game. Are you into hockey? I know of hockey. Um, I've never been to a game, though, or watched one on TV. - But I've heard it's fun. - It's fun. Yeah. I grew up watching a bunch of sports with my dad. What about you? Do you watch any sports? I do not. Thank you. So here, I guess they just pour you flat water. They don't even ask. Interesting. Hmm. Yeah. I like how there's no ice. Sometimes water gets a little too cold. Yeah, this is a good temperature. ♪ ♪ Drinks, dinner, you got me nibbling on the bait. Now, reel me in, Cap. I mean, I think after dinner we should just have a nice little drink back at my place. Wait a second. A night cap with my Cap? Wonderful. Ow, ow, ow, ow. I told you Arnie's big toe is sensitive. Please be careful, okay? It's the third time I told you. Sorry, bud. Thank you so much for dinner. That was great. Yeah. That place is good, right? Yeah. Yeah. Um, do you want to come over and have a drink? Oh, um, you know, I think I'm just gonna grab a cab and head home. I'm kind of tired. - Yeah. - Yeah. But thank you again for dinner. Yeah, that was really fun. Yeah, it was really fun. - All right. - All right, bye. Fuck. That wasn't fun at all. So how'd date number two with Priya go? Ugh. Not good. Every conversation was a struggle. I don't think I'm gonna take her to that Chef Jeff dinner. Dude, just take her. She's hot. And you got no one else. You're alone. Yeah, but it's gonna be a fun night. I want to take someone I'll have a good time with. Maybe I'll take my mom. That could be sweet. What are you, a loser? You can't take your mom. There's gonna be cool people there. And this ain't Leo at the Oscars. You gotta bring a date. Every girl in my phone hates me. - Or I hate them. - Mm. What about Jennifer Lopez? Why would that be a possibility? Because she just broke up with her boyfriend, Casper Smart, the dancer. And I know her nanny. And she probably watches Cupcakes. I highly doubt it. Dude, then take Priya. I'm getting sick of this problem. Can you come to the store with me and get a vacuum? No. I'm gonna go home. So we talk about your shit, but when I need a friend to give me a second opinion on a vacuum, you bail? Fine. I'll come. Nah, I'm tired. I'm gonna take a nap. Wow, nice apartment. Bella. This party's so cool. I mean, it's different than I expected. Really? What were you expecting? I don't know. Something like hamburgers and girls in bikinis? Why did you expect that? Well, it's America. All your parties are like that in your commercials. Oh, all right, that's true. - Dev. - Hey, Ravi! What are you doing here? One of my investors from Mumbai Muscle invited me. Oh, God. - Hi. Ravi. - Hi. CFO and chief dream ambassador of Mumbai Muscle, New York's number one desi-owned organic, non-GMO chickpea-based protein. Uh, Francesca. Italian person. No companies. Uh. Nice. She saw you do that. Huh. Why are you wearing a tuxedo? Why are you guys dressed so cas, man? I thought this was black tie. Is this not black tie? No. This is a dinner party. Why would you rent a tux? Rented? No, I bought this. This is a wool tux. This is all they had left. I look way overdressed. This guy handed me his keys on the way in. I think he thought I was a valet. Oh, are you guys bringing out more hors d'oeuvres? No, I'm just dressed in a tux, okay? - I don't work here. - My mistake. I gotta find the guy who gave me these keys. You guys let me know if you hear anyone talking about owning an Audi Q4. - All right. - Okay. Friends! Welcome to Jeff's table. Now, I want to start off tonight's meal with a question. Where are we tonight? Your apartment! Fuck you, Stewart. It was rhetorical. No, we're not in my apartment, but rather we've been transported to the hills of Achando, deep in the heart of Basque country. Now, I just checked the forecast, and there is a tornado of Iberian flavor headed this way. So take cover, people. Thanks for coming, okay? Eat up. Hey, Dev. - Hey, man. - Hey, how are you? Great to see you. Thanks for coming. Who's this? Hi. Francesca. Thanks for having me. Hi. Jeff Pastore. It's a pleasure to meet you. I want you guys to do me a favor here. I want you to put this in your mouths... Okay. And tell me the first thing that comes to your mind. Mmm. Deliciousness. - Ham? - Wonderful! All right, you guys have fun. I'm gonna go play host. What's up? What happened to your tuxedo? Ah, man, I felt a little self-conscious in it, so I, uh, took the shirt and jacket and I hid it under the bathroom sink. Could have just put it in the coat room. - Fuck! I didn't think about that. - I have my weed pen. You guys want to smoke a little before dinner? Oh, sure. Oh, no, man, I gotta lay off the gas tonight. I gotta keep my wits about me for some networking. Oh. Check out my new biz cards. B-b-boom. Is that shaped like your arm? Yeah. No. That's my boy Anush's real Indian bicep. - He can curl 150 pounds. - Hmm. Do you have a muscle-shaped wallet I could store it in? All right, that's enough Ravi time. Let's go. - Can I keep it? - Yeah, please. My email's on there. Hey, you guys work out? ♪ ♪ Hey, John, why don't you put that crema catalana down and play us a tune, man? Come on. Right? I guess I gotta sing for my supper now? Fuckin' guy. He wins one Oscar, he thinks he gets everything for free. I'm kidding. I love you. Truth. All right, yeah. All right, all right. I want to dedicate this song to my good friend and our host for the evening, Chef Jeff. ♪ ♪ ♪ Looking in my mirror ♪ ♪ Took me by surprise ♪ ♪ I can't help but see you ♪ ♪ Running often through my mind ♪ ♪ Helpless like a baby ♪ ♪ Sensual disguise ♪ ♪ I can't help but love you ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ It's getting better all the time ♪ ♪ I can't help it if I wanted to ♪ ♪ Wouldn't help it even if I could ♪ ♪ Can't help it if I wanted to ♪ ♪ Wouldn't help it, no ♪ ♪ Can't help it if I wanted to ♪ ♪ Wouldn't help it even if I could ♪ ♪ Can't help it if I wanted to ♪ ♪ Couldn't help it, no ♪ ♪ I can't help it if I wanted to ♪ ♪ Wouldn't help it even if I could ♪ ♪ Can't help it if I wanted to ♪ ♪ Wouldn't help it, no ♪ ♪ Do doo-un do-do do ♪ Hey, you think it's cool if I snap a video on this? No. Go away. What about a picture? What's this party's hashtag? Put your phone away. That's cool. Live in the moment. I like that. ♪ ♪ Whoo! Whoo. Hey. What do you think that guy's doing over there? It looks like he's doing yoga. I think he's just sitting in a really weird way. Maybe. I mean, I don't know. Isn't that what yoga is, sitting in weird ways? No, it's not just that. Merde. I think it's finished. What's "merd-ah" mean? Um, it means "shit." It's an Italian expression. We use it to say, "Shit, it's finished." Mm. Can't believe you guys never taught me the bad words while I was living in Modena. You're right. I think I should teach you something. Okay, lesson number one. Um... Figlio di puttana. It means "Son of a whore." Figlio di puttana. And there is bruto cornuto. What does that mean? That's really bad. It means "You're ugly, and your spouse is cheating on you." Just those two words? - Yeah. - Ooh. When's the last time you said that? I never say that. It's really, really bad. - Hmm. - I just say... What does that mean? It means "Go fuck yourself and all your dead family members." Wow. That's cold. When I'm mad, I just go, "Hey. Why you gotta be like that?" You're evil. I'm not. I'm not evil. Am I evil? Hmm... No. I think you're sweet. I forgot how fun it was having you around. I mean, I'm just with Mario and Nonna in the shop. It's not the same thing. Well, he has way better cheeks than I do. Come on. I'm serious. I missed you. I'm good. I got my friends here. - Ah. - No. I... I missed you too. All right, try this wine. It's amazing. All right. Mmm. Ugh! It tastes like feet. You're crazy! Ah, it's disgusting. Uh, excuse me. Uh... Mr. Jeff. Can you take a sip of this wine and let me know what you think about it? Assolutamente. Grazie. Ugh. Too barnyard-y. - Not a fan. - What? - You crazy too. - See? Gonna grab some of the wine that doesn't taste like white, uh, feet wine, whatever. Hey, I thought it was good. I'm gonna have to agree with your cute girlfriend over there. She's not my girlfriend. Just a friend. Really? Are you hoping for more? No, no, it's not like that. She's, uh, dating this guy, Pino. Pino? Uh-oh. It's not gonna end well for you, little D. What are you talking about? I can tell. I see the way you look at her. - Okay? All night? - Ah. Look, you better grab a mitt, 'cause you're gonna catch some feelings. Trust me. I've been there, okay? I'm looking out for you, kid. I don't want to see that little heart of yours get broken. Okay. Quick question for you. What's the difference between restroom, bathroom, and toilet? It's all the same. Yeah, I get that, but I mean, if I want to be polite, what should I use? Like if you're in a really nice place? - Mm-hmm. - Um... Then you say, "Uh, excuse me, um, where's the shitter?" I don't believe you. That sounds so rude. Um, uh, the hotel's right around the corner, sir. Oh, yeah. Thank you. What a night. I still can't believe it. I mean, New York, the food was amazing. And John Legend just played the piano in a room, and I was in that room too. Yeah, you were. This is insane! I mean, nobody's gonna believe me. Oh. I had so much fun with you tonight. Can we do something together again? Yeah. Do you want to do something tomorrow? Yeah! Oh, no. Uh, I have to go somewhere with Pino. And we actually leave on Sunday, so... I guess next time, right? Right. Good night. Good night. Buona notte. Buona notte. You can go ahead to the next stop. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Thanks. ♪ ♪ Erstwhile on Fargo... You going by the autopsy later? They glued his nose and mouth shut. Are we thinking cause of death is somehow a cliffhanger? Is that the box you took from Ennis'? So, you figure this Thaddeus Mobley fella had something to do with the murder? I should say so, seeing as how Ennis Stussy and this Thaddeus Mobley are one and the same. I know he wasn't from around here. It's kind of, to be honest, a mystery. Ennis moved to Eden Valley in 1980. But I think he may have changed his name before he moved here. Did you ever hear of Thaddeus Mobley out of Los Angeles? No, I'm afraid not. Hi, uh, could I get a... Joachim. One cube. And, uh, whatever this big swinging dick over here is drinking. Oh, no, that's... I just wanted a cream soda. I'm not much of a drinker, in point of fact. Well, maybe that's why you are the award-winning writer. Saving some of those brain cells for the page. How about a nice cream soda for my new amigo Thaddeus over here? Do you prefer "Thaddeus", or, uh... Uh, Tad. Thanks. But how'd you know my name? _ You are the cheddar, kid. Get used to it. Wait, the what? You know, you're the cheddar. The cheese. Howard Zimmerman. Producer. So, let me ask you, you ever think about turning that... That book of yours into a movie? "The Planet Wyh." Bob Redford is the robot. Hold the phone. You're saying you wanna turn my book into a movie? Uh, no, bubeleh. I'm saying I want you to turn your book into a major motion picture. Colossal. Mr. Zimmerman! Mr. Mobley! Hold up the dingus for me and say "UFO"! Hey, kid. Over here. You like? Yeah. Doll! Come back. I want you to meet somebody. Hi. I'm... This is the genius I was telling you about. You're killing me, Howie. Can we go eat already? All right, sure. Just give me a sec, sweetie. Sit down. So, how's my screenplay coming along? You know, it's... It's pretty good, actually. I just... I thought I would be here maybe a week or two, you know. And the motel's getting pretty expensive. Relax, kid. I got you covered, totally. Just make sure you keep all your receipts. Mr. Beatty for you, sir. Warren! Mi amigo, mi compadre. Yeah. All right, don't tell me. Let me guess. You read it, you loved it. Am I lying? No, no, I know. It's dynamite, isn't it? They call it a "space opera," if you can believe that. Mmm-hmm. Yeah. No, the kid is banging out the screenplay now as we speak. So, listen, is Yablans gonna let you out? Oh, Christ. No, no, no. I understand. No, it's fine. Next time, bubeleh, next time, right? For sure. Right. Bye. What happened? Beatty's under contract at Paramount. Short of us greasing a few palms, so to speak, he's not going anywhere. You mean bribes? Jesus, keep your voice down, would you? Look, it's just tit for tat out here. That's how business is done. Now, look, you know that I'm no Mother Teresa, but after divorce number three, this tit is pretty tapped out. We're gonna have to find, I don't know, some other avenue. Well, you know, I do have a book advance. How much money are we talking about? It makes the sex amazing. _ Minsky. I can help. I'm dying. I need... No. It's too late for me. You must find a way to get word back. Let them know, it wasn't all... for nothing. I can help! "Get word back," the Captain had told him. But how? Thus began the wander of the Android Minsky. He was a prototype, singular in his design, created to observe and record, his programming not yet complete. A child, in other words. Folks, we've begun our descent to Los Angeles, where the current weather is a beautiful 72 degrees. Is that a typo? Sorry? The "why" is spelled wrong. It's a kind of make-believe. Good? Oh, there's a robot, I guess. And he's wandering, looking for, uh... I'm not sure, the meaning of life, I guess. That. Yeah. I know how he feels. This is my sixth flight this week. Isn't it Tuesday? Yeah. You know, in the beginning, we swam, then we crawled, then walked, then ran, and now... _ _ _ _ - Hi! Merry Christmas! - Hi. Are you here for the convention of Santa Claus? Why do you... No. I'm not. By the hour then, or... - What? - Nothing. Um, single room, one night? I'm not sure how long I'll be here. Uh, room 203. Very nice room. Very nice. It's got air conditioning. You can smell the ocean. There's a view? No. There's a smell. At low tide. What the heck? Stop! Stop! Red Honda. I got the plate number. Yeah, that'll help. So, what'd he look like, the, uh, bag thief? Kinda older white male, 5'9". Uh, green pants. Green, what do you... Elf pants. They're having a Santa conference. Not sure why they chose here. Any valuables in the bag? Not really. Mostly flannel. Think I'll get it back? I wouldn't hold your breath. Hey, while I got you, I got some info I need run. Oh, yeah, we don't do that. Sorry, I should've clarified. I'm law enforcement also, up Minnesota. Minnesota? Exactly. Eden Valley. I'm Chief. Or I was Chief. Or, no, I still am. Anyway... I thought in the spirit of inter-collegial understanding... See, I'm in town looking into a homicide, and the victim spent some time here, back in the '70s. Right. Okay, I'll tell you what. The plate number checks out, I'll come find you. Maybe even bring that suitcase. - Hi, Mom. - Hey, sport. How's your dad's place? Uh, good. Dale got me an Xbox. Wow. That was gonna be your Christmas present. I know. But he said sometimes it's good to have an everyday present. Haven't heard that one. I'll have to tell Santa to take it off the list. Mom, there's no such thing as Santa. There's not? I can see about nine of 'em from my window right at this very... Mom... Eat your vegetables, okay? Okay. Where are you again? I'm in Hollywood, California. Trying to figure out what happened to your grandfather. But he wasn't even really my grandfather, they said. Just married to Grandma for a while. Well, he was something to somebody. No games till your homework's done, promise? Promise. Okay, then. Love you. Put Donny on. Okay. Bye, Mom. Hey, Chief. Town still there? How do you mean? Oh, Chief, new chief's real angry. Said you didn't have permission to go. Said county's not gonna pay for the trip. I never asked 'em to. Well, he wants you to come back. Found the motel from the photo. Got a lead on this actress, I think, Vivian Lord. Her whereabouts. Wow. So, what do you want me to tell the new chief? Tell him I saw the ocean and it was wet. I don't know. That all, hon? Actually, I'm looking for Vivian. Hey! Viv! - Ms. Lord? - Mmm-hmm. I'm Chief Burgle. Gloria. With the Eden Valley Police, up Minnesota. Okay if I ask you a few questions? Never been to Minnesota. No, I know, it's not about... This won't take long. Did you know a fella, Thaddeus Mobley, a writer? Would've been about 35 or so years ago, here in Los Angeles. No, it's not a very clear time for me. Which? The '70s. But you knew him? He had this in his... In a box, so I'm thinking you must've known him pretty well. Honey, you know how many walls I'm on in this town? Homicide's the thing, with him the victim. So, it matters. Look, what's your name? Gloria. Gloria. I'm 29 years sober. - Long time. - Mmm. Before that, I wasn't. So, even if I knew this guy, it's basically nothing but a dream. Is there anyone else I can talk to? I'm not a snitch. No. That's not... For information, I'm saying. See, he was my stepdad. Sort of, for a time. And my son, not that that matters... A homicide is a homicide, but still, the personal angle. My order's up. Sure. Well, I'm at the Hollywood Premiere Motel. If you change your mind, give me a call. _ Officer Hunt? - Oh, hey. Gloria, right? - Yeah. Yeah, pop a squat. Can I get two beers? - You want two beers? - Um... Think I'll just have a diet pop. "Diet pop." You're... You're too much. Hey, so after we talked, I tried, uh... I tried to friend you on Facebook. I don't use that. Really? You don't use Facebook? You're kidding me. Everybody's on Facebook. It's Facebook. Could you stop saying "Facebook"? I got 352 friends. Most of 'em I don't even know. But... Oh, and this one time, I met this chick, - she was smoking hot. - Mmm. Then she turned out to be a Nigerian man who wanted money. But, uh... I live in a small town. You gotta be on Facebook, though. You know, 'cause it's like a small town. Only online. You know, so you check in, you can post photos. You know, connect? Right? 'Cause who has time for... Yeah. I'll, uh, check that out. Yeah! Yeah. So, did you find anything? About when I called before, asked you to look up that fella, Thaddeus Mobley, lived here in the 1970s? Right. Yes. No, of course. Yeah, I... I checked on that. Nothing came up. So, he was, what? Like, your dad? Sorta. You're a real chatterbox, huh? I can't get a word in edgewise with you. Good thing you're so hot! Charm police? I got a major felon right here. I'm only teasing you, though. You don't got teasing in Minnesota? I don't sound like that, do I? I mean, yeah. Look, uh, I'm just... I'm just kidding with you. Can you relax? Maybe have a beer. I gotta go drop the kids off at the pool. - You got kids? - I gotta take a shit. You again. Six flights before Tuesday? Right. What are the odds? I never asked. - Paul Marrane. - Uh, Gloria Burgle. What do you do, Gloria? I'm in law enforcement. - Like the police? - Exactly. I'm Chief in Eden Valley. Or, was Chief. We're being swallowed by the county, so hierarchy's a little unclear at present. Married or divorced? I'm sorry? Your finger. You used to wear a ring. Now you don't. Divorced. Or, not yet, but... Anyway... Before he goes off to war, a soldier gives his wife a bill of divorce. He says, "Dear, this is your bill of divorce. If I don't return within 12 months, it becomes effective from this moment onward." Meaning that, if he dies, they've been divorced the whole time he was gone. If he returns, they were always married. That's like a... Ah, what do you... I'm my own grandpa. Which means, if you really think about it, for the entire year, she was married and divorced. Well, we got a hearing next month, so, probably won't have to wait that long. Ah. Good. All right, keep walking, dipshit. This one's mine. Uh, no. That's not... We know each other. All right. Look, I'm just gonna cut to the chase here, gorgeous. Am I getting laid tonight or what? What. Cool. Thanks for the beer. _ "From small beginnings, big things arise," thought the Android Minsky. "Energy became matter, matter became life. Bacteria to amoeba, amoeba to amphibian, amphibian to man. Living and dying in numbers too large to calculate." Orphaned and alone, he traveled the Earth as centuries passed. Millennia. A being in search of meaning. Each century, he would have to stop and recharge. In those hours he was vulnerable to attack. Hold him still! - I can help! - Watch him. I can help! Hi. I'm looking for information on a writer. He would've worked here in the '70s. - Union? - Uh, pardon? Was he in the union? I don't know. He wrote books mostly. The Writer's Guild doesn't represent book writers. Well, that seems like an oversight. Name? Uh, Gloria Burgle. - His name is Gloria... - No. Sorry. That's my name. He was Thaddeus Mobley. Wait here. _ Howard, there's someone here to see you. Gladys? No, Mr. Zimmerman, it's... I'm Gloria Burgle. I'm sorry, could you repeat that? _ _ _ I'm a police officer. _ _ I had a few questions for you about a writer you worked with back in 1975. Thaddeus Mobley. _ He wrote a script for you called The Planet Wyh, a science fiction film? And, well, he was the victim of some malfeasance recently, and I'm just trying to connect the dots here. I know he was writing a movie for you, and then, I don't know, something happened. _ _ _ _ _ _ Do I know about... _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ And now? _ _ Excuse me. Uh, I'm... Does anybody else visit Mr. Zimmerman? He mentioned a woman named Gladys. - She died. - Oh. He's been here a long time, since the accident. Say more about that. I don't know. It's before my time. But what I heard is they thought he was gonna be a vegetable, he was messed up so bad. Time for your bath. Though his sensors recorded the data, the numbers had become meaningless. From his remove, he watched civilizations rise and fall. Hope became despair, became hope, became despair. From time to time, the technology existed to send word back to his home world. But by now, there was no one left to respond. I can help! And then, one day, something happened. I can help! _ Hey. You should've called, baby. I got company. You got any coke? It's just, I got nothing. They're gonna kick me out of the motel soon, and I just... Thaddeus, my boy. How are you? Why is he here? What... What are you... You're not gonna cry, are you? What? No! Of course he's not gonna cry. Thaddeus is a big boy. He's seen the world. I want my money! Well, certainly. Of course you do. And, by rights, you should have it. But I'm afraid the rather unfortunate fact of the matter is, it's all gone. What... What? Told you he's crying. I... I'm not crying. Listen to me. Bubee, relax. I understand. These are hard lessons. But you know what? You're gonna thank us one day. Us? What... I... - I thought we were... - What? In love? I used you, asshole. Don't you get it? Harsh. Too harsh, my love. Let the boy down easy. Can't you see he has a genuine fondness for you? You know, just shut up. I... I need to think. What? You need it in Braille? Nobody asked you to come here with your stupid face and your sad eyes. Love. You're a piggy bank. You know what? Uh... I think it's probably best if you were to go. I mean, she's obviously quite upset. Don't touch me! Kid, relax. Come on. It's fine. I mean, you got played, that's all. You're young. Believe me, you're gonna get over it. And you know what? The truth of the matter is, we did you a favor. It's a hard, hard world out there. You need to develop a tougher shell, my friend. Jesus, Howie. Just get rid of him already. - No! - Kid. No. - Kid. - No. No! Everybody's got a role to play. Yours is to cough up the cheddar and then screw. You understand? I don't hear you. Yes! You see that? Turns out he's reasonable. He's really a nice kid. Stop! You're a bad person! I never saw him again. So, that was the accident. Zimmerman. You conned him. Did he... Do you think Zimmerman would have... Maybe he wanted revenge and he hired someone, or he... No. It's just a story. None of this has anything to do with... Okay. He was right. I am a bad person. Yet he wasn't so good either. Okay. Um... Shit. Okay, folks, in a few minutes, we'll be beginning our descent into Minneapolis-Saint Paul where the temperature is a balmy 23 degrees. Unit M-N-S-K-Y. I can help! We, the Federation of United Planets, want to honor you for your service. We downloaded your data recorder and found that you have been functional for 2.38 million years. We believe this makes you the oldest sentient being in the history of the universe. You have seen the birth of planets, the death of worlds. You have ridden on the tail of a comet, have journeyed to the heart of the sun. Your data will help us decode the very fabric of the universe. I can help! You have helped, my metal friend. But now your service is complete. It is time to shut yourself down. I can help! Arby's? Okay. You just appear every time a person says Arby's? Oh, are you guys going for Arby's? Maybe. Hey, uh, Chief. Old Chief... You gotta stop calling me that. Sorry. Just... Got a call on the radio. They've pulled some prints from Ennis'. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. Ran it through the... What do you... Database? - Got a match. - You don't say. Yeah. Maurice LeFay. Now, that don't sound Russian, but I showed his photo to Earl, and he was like, "Yeah, that's our man," so, out of, uh, St. Cloud. Well, now, what do you know. We should maybe drive up there after Arby's. Dead, apparently. The... Who? Suspect. LeFay. Some kinda freak accident. Air conditioner fell on him, just... Like a pancake. And him on parole for some pretty nasty stuff, too. Not in front of the boy. - Mom, I'm old enough. - Not even close. An air conditioner, in winter? That's what I thought. Well, if he's dead, I don't suppose he's going anywhere. Probably we should have a milkshake, maybe some curly fries, ponder all future moves. We may solve this thing yet. [Woman] Dr. Harber, before we're live, I just wanted to say thank you for choosing me. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. [Woman] The rich history you have with other journalists... [Harber] I chose you precisely because we don't have a history. Now, don't fuck it up. [Woman 2] Fifteen seconds. People trust you... for decades have valued you. I think that's because people value the truth. Right, but don't you think your discovery was just... too dangerous to share with the world? Look, this has been my life's work for over 40 years. There's nothing willy-nilly here. After much discussion, much debate, we all came to the same conclusion. - Which is? - Which is, once you explore all scientific possibilities, and you come to a consensus, how can you keep a discovery so vital to our existence a secret? And that discovery... You proved the existence of an afterlife. I prefer to call it a new plane of existence. I can't comment on terminology like "soul" and "heaven" and "afterlife," but what I can say with scientific certainty is that once the body dies, some part of our consciousness leaves us and travels to a new plane. Your machine was able to capture brain wavelengths on a subatomic level, leaving the body after death. - Is that...? - That's correct. Where do those wavelengths go? My point is, a new plane of existence is out there. Yes, that is no longer in dispute. But you can't tell us what that is exactly. When you see a train leave the station... do you need to know where it's going to understand that you saw it leave? It's a tough pill to swallow. At one point, so was the Earth being round. But, Dr. Harber, why did it take you six months to address us? Where have you been? It seems to me that I invited you here, to my home. Yes, you did. Thank you. But... we only received that invitation after the suicide toll had rapidly reached a million. And during that time, celebrities, athletes, even a close colleague of yours, all ended their lives. Which is why I agreed to sit with you and try to calm the waters. Okay. I wanna ask you the question that everybody watching right now is probably wondering. Do you feel responsible for all those people killing themselves? No. - That's it? - That's it. [Man] Thank you, Dr. Harber... for my fresh start. [Woman 1] Andy, no! Andy! - Andy! - [Woman 2] Oh, no. [Woman 1] Oh, God! - Why would you do that? - [Woman 2] Somebody call 911. [Woman 1] Help! Some.... Call help, please. Right now. Get someone here. My God! Why would you do that? Oh, God. Turn those cameras off. [Man] Welcome back to our coverage of the two-year anniversary of the Discovery. We'll be revisiting the touchstone moments of the past two years, with retrospectives all weekend long. Hard to believe that it's been a year and a half since Thomas Harber's first and only post-Discovery interview ended suddenly with an on-air suicide. Since then, the worldwide suicide toll has skyrocketed to staggering levels. Over four million people have taken their lives, attempting to "get there." As for Dr. Thomas Harber, he has not made a public appearance since that infamous post-Discovery interview. Completely off the grid-- [woman] I was listening to that. I was listening to that. I'm sorry, I thought-- I thought that I was alone. It's off-season. Why the fuck are you going to this dreary island? Well, you're going there. [Moans] Hi. Hi. Are you one of those lunatics who just sits next to a complete stranger in an empty movie theater? You look so familiar to me. It's possible we've met, but you don't have a memorable face. Okay. [Chuckles] I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. I didn't mean that. I just... The water. I'm just a little seasick. That's weird. It's your lucky day. I don't normally carry these around. Um... - Vertigo. - I'm not dizzy. You can't treat vertigo, just the effects. That's for nausea. Do I look like the kind of girl who's just gonna take a pill from some strange guy? Fair enough. Isla. My name's Isla. I don't look like an Isla, though. Your first three years, you look like whatever name you're given, then by four, you either settle into your name or you just... - What about you? - What? What's your name? Oh, uh, Will Stevenson. [Mouths] Will. What? I'm just trying to see if you look like your name. - What's the verdict there? - I don't know. It's too early to tell. You know, Will is just such a, like, "Will" name. [Chuckles] You're really something. Happy second Discovery anniversary, Will. They said on the news they're expecting like a whole slew of suicides today. People trying to get there for the anniversary. I heard something about that. Did you see that video of those dumb cheerleaders taking pills on the 50-yard line? I just can't get behind the concept of suicide groups. It's so... disingenuous, you know? It just feels so weak. - You don't believe in the Discovery? - No, I don't believe in suicide groups. The Discovery is-- I mean, the proof is overwhelming. Proof shouldn't be overwhelming. Proof should be definitive. So, you don't believe. I don't believe the way everybody else does. No, I don't. - And how's that? - I'm a neurologist. Three months ago, I had a patient, really young, found out that she had brain cancer. Very sad. She reacted to that diagnosis as though I'd handed her a fucking winning lottery ticket. It wasn't because she hoped that maybe she was going someplace better. It was because the Discovery made her think that it was guaranteed. Well, yeah. Death used to be something we just had to live with, and now it's a convenient way to escape pain. That's okay. That's okay? Another plane of existence, maybe. Who knows? But I look around, I see a lot of people jumping out of planes hoping they're gonna grow wings. Reality and fantasy are mutually exclusive. They don't exist in the same space. [Car engine revving] What? When I was five, I had an accident, and I died for about a minute. When I was resuscitated, I told my parents that I saw something. Flashes. A little boy. Me, maybe, or my brother. I felt stranded... Stranded where? This empty beach. It doesn't matter. It was a dream. It was a dream that I embellished after I woke up. [Vehicle approaching] Why would you make all that up? I think it's our instinct to search for meaning, and when there is none, it's our instinct to create meaning and we just... lie. We lie to ourselves. You are so annoying. Has anyone ever told you that? Yeah, they have. Ugh. Thank God we only have a minute left together before we're strangers again. You think it's gonna be a minute this time of year? You're crazy. [Vehicle approaching] Crazy, but right. That's the attractive-girl component and I didn't factor that in. [Isla] You'd better work on your math. Hey! For whatever it's worth, I think you do look like an Isla. How many of us have you met? [Isla chuckles] [door closes] [horn honking] [country music playing over stereo] - I got it. - No, I got it, man. Well, I don't want to die before we get there, Toby. - What's going on over here? - Eddie. - Wait, Eddie Iodice? Eddie died? - Mm-hmm. Yeah, just to get there. Just to fucking get there. Guy pulled a Marilyn Monroe, downed a whole bottle of pills right there in his bedroom. [Chuckles] Good dude, too. - Real pity. - You didn't wanna go to the service? Go to the...? I would rather stick my dick in a wood chipper - than go to another fucking funeral. - Got it. You know, I'm not as stupid as you might think. When you called the other day and I told you that Dad had built something new... after that conversation... suddenly you wanted to come home. - You're sounding just as paranoid as him. - [Chuckles] [Toby] Dad said he needed to change things up. People knowing our address was too dangerous. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you on the phone, but we don't trust phones now. Here we are. Off to see the wizard. [Will] What the fuck is this place? Uh, it used to be a summer camp for "troubled youths." Which I never really understood, because if they're bad kids, why would they deserve a fun summer? You know? But then it shut down and Dad bought it. What do you think? [Will] I think it's completely insane. Well, the truth is we just needed a lot more space to house things. House what things? [Toby] These people were all affected by the Discovery. Some of them arrived here after two or three failed suicide attempts. We gave them a home, something to live for in this life, a reason to contribute. Oh, uh, real quick. Just FYI, FBI-type thing, protocol is no cell phones. - Yeah, okay. Let's go. - Yeah. Hey, don't worry. [Beeping] [equipment beeping] [man] This is truly thrilling. I can only compare it to the model train set you let me assemble by myself on my birthday. [Woman] Cutting it a little close. [Toby] Oh, well, you know me. Pins and needles, needles and pins. These goddamn machines. - Who the hell's that? - His other son just returned. Surprisingly taller than I remember. Good to see you again, Cooper. Will, Lacey. Lacey... That went well. Where's Dad? - Is he dead? - No, of course not. He is now. - [Lacey] Fifteen seconds. - Dad? [Alarm beeping] Take it easy. They're just running some tests. - It's all routine. - Ten seconds. Paddles charged... and ready. [Defibrillator shocks] See, they're recharging the body to reboot the brain. The longest he's ever officially under is, like, 60 seconds. [Exhales] - [high-pitched tone] - [muffled chatter] [door opens and closes] So, Dad is now killing himself and electroshocking back to life. No. Kind of. But you're... You're looking at this all wrong. You're wearing whatever the opposite of... What is it? Rose-colored glasses. That's what you're wearing. Shit-colored glasses. Anyway, you shouldn't worry, because all of this is being closely monitored and controlled. And we both know you've always been slightly skeptical of everything. Dad started a cult. - No. - Can you not see that? This is a cult. All the way down to these followers in different-colored jumpsuits. No, no, no. There's no hierarchy here, Will. Dad calls it... distinctions in clearance. - That's all. It's not a cult. - It should be different. Straitjackets. You're the one that wanted to come back here for whatever reason. Right? Now, that, right there, is the million-dollar question. Welcome back, Will. [Clears throat] - [Will groans] - [Harber sighs] You mind telling me something? What are you doing back here? I'm here because I want you to stop it. I'm asking you just to put an end to all this. How would I do that? Say that you were wrong. Take it all back. I can't take it back, Will, because it's the truth. Who knows better than you? You were the inspiration for this. Aren't you curious? Please, don't say that. That's not... - I wasn't. - Ah, but you were. Hang on. "Therefore, it is my belief consciousness should be considered as another state of matter." - Please don't. - Hang on. I'd like to get to this other part. It gets good. "Properties of consciousness arise from the physical laws that govern our universe." [Sighs] - I was wrong. - You don't believe that. We were wrong, Dad. We were wrong because a lot of people died. And a whole lot more people are gonna kill themselves... while you experiment here in this ridiculous fortress. So, just slamming on the brakes of 40 years' work? I'd be saying I'm responsible. Maybe you are. So, you think I've gone too far? Well, I don't think I've gone far enough. We opened the door for these people, Will. They know it's there. Now we have to show them what's behind it. [Door closes] - [high-pitched tone] - [muffled chatter] Isla! Isla! Isla! [Muffled shout] Isla! [Will yells] [Will] Oh, fuck! - What are you doing? - What's your problem? [Groans] Come on. Stand up. Get up. - [Will] Why are you doing this? - [Isla] None of your fucking business. You sat there on that fucking ferry and had a conversation with me, knowing you were gonna do this. You were supposed to be the last person I ever spoke to. You don't get to just change that! Ah. You're not even emotional about dying. I'm not emotional about anything. [Toby] I'm just concerned... that this will all be perceived unfavorably by some. [Will] She was going to catch pneumonia, Toby. [Toby] I still don't know what you want me to do with her. [Will] You told me that you take in people who need help. She needs help. She still can't just stay here. We have rules. Then can we make an exception... in her case, please? We're talking about somebody's life. We have no idea if she will attempt or try to... Kill myself again? You can say it. I know what happened. I was there when you ruined it. She and I have been getting along great. We still have rules. She has to talk to Dad, and she has to take the questionnaire. What's the questionnaire? - Um... - Can we be...? Will, you have a visitor. Your dad is Thomas Harber? [Harber] So, nobody but the conductor, which is me, is gonna know your answers. Everything is completely discreet here. And now Lacey will be giving us some privacy. It used to be about global exploration, you know, discovering new land, and then it was space travel. Shining a light on the dark corners of the universe. And now it's exploring what comes after this life. Seeing what's next. How old are you? [Man on recording] You are all part of the same thing. Cells in a body. Waves in the ocean. The soul isn't young or old. [Harber] Do you accept the fact that time is a nonlinear illusion created by man? Pass. I don't know what that means. There are no right or wrong answers to this questionnaire. - Then why do you bother giving it? - That's a good response. [Harber] Okay, greatest ability... and most disappointing weakness. [Isla] I guess I'm good at seeing what makes somebody tick. Understanding who they really are. [Harber] Weakness? I'm able to understand them, but I'm not able to care about them. If somebody mentions "subconscious" to you, what do you think? - Memory. - Dig deeper. - Hidden memory. - Would you say that you suppress emotions? I don't really like talking about myself like this. You don't have to like it. We think about ourselves every day. Everything is from our own perspective. So, as much as you may not want to indulge yourself in looking at your most inner thoughts, they're there. Make no mistake. They are there. [Harber] Do you believe in a soul? If not, close your eyes. Great. Let's just say a soul does exist. Where in the body do you think it'd be? I think if there's a soul, it would belong in the brain. [Machine beeps] [Harber] Wow. Now, that's interesting. Most people say the stomach. But I like that you didn't. [Harber] Have you ever experienced sudden loss? Yes. And what aspect of regaining normalcy after losing someone... was the most difficult? Inanimate objects, maybe? Like... my coffee table. I've had it for years and I've probably looked at it a million times, but after he-- Familiar objects just became distorted and unfamiliar. I started to hate my ceiling fan, my cereal bowl, my tea kettle. [Harber] Okay, last question. Are you legitimately suicidal? If you knew what came after... this life... do you think it would affect your decision-making or maybe even make you change your mind? Maybe. Knowing could change things. How'd you know this is where you'd be staying? I found our old bed. Yeah, I see that. And you should thank me... by the way, because [grunts] I fought long and hard to keep old faithful here. How's Isla? Oh... That's actually why I'm here. Will, she's dead. No, she's not. She's not dead. That was a bad joke. Um... But the questionnaire is all wrapped up. She can stay. Yeah, good. She needs to be looked after. She could try again. I don't think that's going to happen, Will. [Sighs] Because tonight... everything changes. We finally unveil it. What is "it," Toby? Dad wanted me to invite you to a little gathering tonight, just a select group. Boy, this is nothing like our old house, huh? It sounds to me a lot like you're advocating murder. I'm not advocating murder. I'm just pointing out that most people don't look at ending somebody else's life the way they do their own. [Sighing] Where is he? It's about to happen. I can't tell when you're talking to me or that. It's really annoying. Anyways, what I'm saying is, people are killing themselves to get there. At a certain point, they'll use the same logic to kill somebody else, 'cause they're just sending them somewhere else, right? Finally, he's here. And he is not wearing the temp jumpsuit I had left for him. We're programmed to process our experiences as having a beginning and an end, when, in reality... doesn't exist. It's just one long, drawn-out middle. Some of you are newer than others, but I wanted to create a select group that could see what it is that I built. But before we do that, I'd like to take a moment and have you join me in... bowing our heads... And let your subconscious... take you somewhere else. I'm sort of amazed that you get swept up in this, this easily. You don't strike me as a say-your-prayers type. Just because somebody doesn't believe in God doesn't mean they can't pray. What kind of an atheist talks to God? [Opera music playing over speakers] Why did you give me a phony, bullshit last name? It wasn't phony. It was my mother's maiden name. Where is she? She's dead. How did she die? Because of my dad. Let us come back into this moment. I now offer you the opportunity... to see the afterlife. I can now record where we go. [Cooper] Please, uh... get these back to us at your earliest convenience. And again, these living quarters are just temporary until we can find you a more suitable room. When I first moved here, I slept on a cot in the kitchen. - Glamorous. - [Chuckles] I'm supposed to be at the bottom of the ocean, so this should be fine. Can I have a pen? Nondisclosure agreement. Well, considering the sensitivity, it's a fairly standard document. Could we have the room for a second, please? [Cooper] You remember that awful week when we slept on the cot by the fridge? My back sure hasn't forgotten. - [Will] Hey. - Mm. So... I know that that device is very compelling. Um... - Can we talk about it for a second? - I'm not allowed to talk about it, 'cause I just signed a nondisclosure agreement. [Snickers] [sighs] So, your dad's a little weird. Who cares? It doesn't make him wrong. I mean, Poe fucked his cousin. It didn't make him any less a writer. I wanna see if that machine does what he thinks it does. Well, what if it did? How would that change things? You don't go on vacation without looking at the brochure first. Hey. Uh... I'm sorry. Were you sleeping? I'm standing. Well, yeah. That's just something you're supposed to say, I guess. Um... Since you're up, mind coming downstairs and taking a look at something for me? Yeah, sure. [Sighs] [woman on recording] Those that we have lost are not lost at all... - [Isla] Where are you guys going? - It's nothing. Don't worry about it. ...then it's us who are lost. When he flatlines, think of it as a light bulb turned off by a switch. Flip it on, flip it off. But going under, hooked up to the new device, you're not just flipping a light switch. You're essentially detaching the entire bulb. So, I'd say that if you go under again... you're coming back with next to no brain functionality. I'm sort of surprised it hasn't happened already. I know you wanted to be first, but if you don't come back, what's the point? We just go back to the drawing board. Right? I mean, it could still work, we just need to find a new way to... We need a cadaver. Okay. Uh, I'm sorry to interrupt. Where do you guys plan on getting a corpse? I have a corpse idea. [Rock music playing over earbuds] - Am I being rude? - Huh? - Am I being rude? - No. - Care to... listen? - Sure. Crunchy groovy grooves. Serene nights. - Can I ask you something? - Mm-hmm. Will mentioned what happened to your mom earlier. That she killed herself? Not exactly. So, she was trying to get there? No, that was a good couple years before the Discovery. Huh. [Bell rings] Yeah. [Door buzzes] How you doing? In the midst of life, I am in death. That was weird. I was just wondering if you could help me out. My, uh, cousin, Billy... he's gone missing. And it being the two-year anniversary of the Discovery, we're all just a little worried. Really worried. We got three John Does in this week. How long has he been missing? Nope. No. No Billy here. Bummer. Would have made my life a hell of a lot easier. Sorry, that was insensitive. They just got me running rampant here. I'm doing the job of five people. Off-season cutbacks and whatnot? Yeah. Can I give you a description... of Billy? That way if he does... come in, you can keep an eye out for him. Of course. Let's go to my office. [Toby] Hey, so, just curious... [chuckles] I'd like to point out you're reading off a laundry list of corpse requirements. Aneurysm, that won't work. It'd be nice if you could help me, seeing as we're breaking and entering. Like a real, like, pouty-type face. And then, um... he's got a birthmark on, uh... Let's see. On his right elbow. You're not writing any of this down. Well, I think I've got more than I need to go on here, so... But we... We haven't even gotten to the lower half of his body. Don't you think it's weird how these people were alive a few hours ago? They had fears and desires, they could exercise? I don't think it's weird. I think it's fucking sad. - Maybe they went someplace better. - Maybe they went someplace worse. Maybe they went someplace that we can't even begin to comprehend. All the more reason to see what your dad's machine shows us. Shit. What? "Fifty-two, massive coronary." Will... meet Pat Phillips. Pat Phillips, this is Will. I don't like that creepy room Cooper put me in. I'm gonna sleep in your room tonight. Top or bottom? We could talk, you know. When I'm nervous, I talk too much or not at all. Well, you're safe here. I mean... nothing leaves the bunk beds. When I first got here and they gave me that jumpsuit, it had a V etched on it. I wonder what that stood for. "Visitor," maybe? Is that a guess? That was a pretty good guess. It's like one of those really obvious answers that only seems obvious after you find out about it. Were you really smart growing up? I bet you were. I was told that I demonstrated an early ability to recognize spatial patterns, whatever that means. I always took it as one of those things a teacher tells to a parent to make them feel better about their shitty kid. Like, "Gordon is very good at drawing circles. Gordon draws circles at a more advanced level than the other children." These bunk beds really worked out well, 'cause they spared me the awkwardness of having to tell you I'm not gonna fuck you. Sorry, all I heard was something about circles and not fucking me. I don't wanna be the only fucked up person on this bunk bed, Will. Maybe... tell me about your mom now. There's not much to tell. She killed herself. On their anniversary. How did she do it? She made them dinner, and... my dad didn't even come out of his office. If he'd even just hinted that he gave a shit, I mean, who knows? But he couldn't be bothered. So, she went upstairs... took a bath instead and, uh... Yeah, the next morning I found her in the tub. And so, you left? Yeah, I had to. I couldn't be around it. I knew. It's like everything that was recognizable sort of instantly became unrecognizable. Sometimes I feel like I'm taking someone else's spot and then I feel sad. How do you mean? Like, being here alive is a waste because... I don't enjoy it, I'm not happy or grateful... and I'm taking a spot away from someone who maybe would've gotten something more out of it. Yeah. I guess I don't think it works that way. Here's something I haven't heard anyone talk about. Do animals have an afterlife? Bunnies, kittens, pigs, monkeys. What happens to them after they die? I mean, I feel like they really deserve an afterlife. Do they have their own animal afterlife? And if they do, is it subdivided by species? Because it feels like something as profound as an afterlife shouldn't practice segregation. [Will chuckles] And what happens to a child? Hold hands till we fall asleep? This doesn't seem entirely fair. Shh. Yeah, okay. [Speaking indistinctly] Lacey? Okay, Toby? [Machine beeps, then whirs] Did you hit...? Hit it again. [Beeps, then whirs] Again. [Beeping and whirring continue] Hit it again. I'm hitting it. Hit it again. - You're gonna fry the body. - Toby, hit it again. Again. Hit it again. Again. Hit it again. [Door closes] Is this just a setback or...? I'm really not sure. [Keypad beeping] [door opens] [door closes] Are you gonna see him? Or are you just gonna continue to ignore it? [Pat] I'm sorry... I can't. [Woman] Of course you can't. Story of your fucking life. Just run away and leave me to deal with the mess. - Hey. - Hey. What are you doing with my body? Your body, uh, is to be cremated at noon, so, I'm getting it ready. We do still have a little time to prep a redo. Redo? Guys, come on. You almost fried the body. You do this redo, you're gonna cremate him early. All right? Toby, rustle up a van. Will's right. It's good. Seeing you back in the labs again, it's good. It's where you belong. - [Sighs] - [door closes] [inaudible dialogue] Toby, I want you to locate me a new corpse, immediately. Hey. Can I ask you something? - Okay. - How'd you end up here? Why? I came home and found my dad and my sister hanging in my living room. To get there. I'm sorry. It's okay. They didn't want me to come. Can you imagine feeling abandoned 'cause your dad left you out of the family suicide? What's wrong with you? Oh. Nothing, I'm just... I'm processing. [Groans] I mean, do you ever get out of your head even for one minute? Let's do an experiment. Look at me and tell me the first thing that comes to your mind. I'm driving. Okay. I don't know you very well. I think you're beautiful, and alive, and if you killed yourself, it wouldn't just be sad, it would be a tragedy. Shut up. - You want the head or the feet? - Head. Okay. "Oh, hey, Isla. What are you up to?" "Oh, nothing much, Jim. I'm just... lugging a corpse through a parking lot." - Why'd you go with "Jim"? - Don't be jealous of hypothetical Jim. Believe me, if hypothetical Jim makes you not wanna kill yourself, I can be supportive. Do we just leave it here? Believe it or not, it's my first time returning a corpse, so... I'm improvising. Hi, yeah, um, I was just driving by and this is kind of weird, but there seems to be, like, a dead body laying in your parking lot. - That was pretty good. - Shut up. Get out. - I'm saying you're doing a good job. Fine. - Stop it. Sorry. Yeah, no, bad... Bad reception on the island. Um... Yeah, the body seems to be abandoned, and... I don't know. Unless, of course, you guys are playing some sort of fucked-up scavenger hunt. Okay. Yes, thank you. Bye. - How'd that go? - It went really well. Okay. You're, like, weirdly good at that. - Oh. - Here they are. - [Isla chuckles] - They're pretty confused. What do you think they're thinking? I don't know, but I think Pat Phillips has had a really tough few days. We're both going to hell. Yeah. Whatever the afterlife is, I guess. I don't know. Just stupid. [Sighs] [engine starts] Are you gonna see him? Or are you just gonna continue to ignore it? [Pat] I'm sorry... I can't. [Woman] Of course you can't. Story of your fucking life. Just run away and leave me to deal with the mess. [Woman on recording] What if this life is just a dream? Can I borrow your truck? Just for... I have to go get some stuff. [Woman] As far as our records indicate, we've had 23 patients with the name Phillips on file. - How accurate are your records? - Accurate. I would love to see that list. Mm. I'm sure you would. What the fuck? Are you looking for something? Maybe you can help me. Um... - Did there used to be a hallway here? - Used to. They did a little remodeling. Took their sweet-ass time with it, too. I'm sorry, how long ago was that remodel? About a decade ago. [Electric guitar playing gently] [Isla] Hey. - Hey. - Where have you been? This is, uh... This is interesting. Okay, thank you, Toby. Thank you, my boy. Well, hello to you all. As always, it's a pleasure. When you all first got here, you... You used this, uh, piece of equipment. The questionnaire. And your answers are what allowed you to stay here, so, basically... a trust was built. But lately, I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps we're getting just a little too comfortable here. There's a lot of loose talk going on. And it makes me think that we just might be losing a little focus. Lacey, would you join me, please? - What's going on? - It's okay. Relax. Would you like to tell us how long you've been here? Um... just over a year. Just over a year. You were one of the first. How have you been treated? Have you been treated well? - Have I been good to you? - You've been wonderful. - Why are you talking to me like this? - I've been wonderful. If I've been wonderful, then why are you telling your peers about the device, and particularly... why are you saying it failed? Speak up. Um... It's okay. I just told one person. It slipped out when I had mentioned how the new girl was invited. [Harber] You mean Isla. You were displeased when I invited her here, weren't you? It's just that some people who have been here much longer weren't asked. Tell everyone where I found you. Thomas. It's okay. This is a safe place. In the woods. Go on. I had a gun. And where was that gun aimed? At my chest. Right next to your heart. Usually, it's the head... or the barrel goes into the mouth. I don't know that I've ever seen it done that way before. I'm sorry. Please don't lose faith in me. "Faith." Oh, God. I have such contempt for that word. Show me someone who relies on faith and I'll show you someone who's given up control over whatever it is they believe. Sorry, there's nothing more I can do for you. Thomas, please. Pack up your belongings. Say your goodbyes. That was a hell of a show out there. Come on, Will. You think I don't know a lot of this is bullshit? You give meaning to people who think they have no more reason to live. The jumpsuit, the chain of command, the theatrics. It gives them purpose. And I care about them. Yeah. Someone should tell that to Lacey. You... You can pretend all you want that the reason you left was because you stopped approving of my work. Work, by the way, that we did together. But I think we both know this was never about the Discovery for you. - It was always about your mother. - Yes, of course it was about Mom for me. Just because you wanna pretend like Mom did not happen... doesn't mean that I'm going to. [Door closes] [indistinct chatter] - Hey. Can I show you something? - What? - Just come with me. Please. - Sorry. [Isla] Wait. - What is this? - That's what I'm trying to figure out. - You were gonna keep this from me? - No, I'm... I'm showing you now. And I was afraid of what you might do. All right, so, the afterlife... This is the afterlife? How can it be the afterlife if we're in the same parking lot in that recording? Then what is it? My theory is that my father invented something that records memory. You've heard him go on and on about the subconscious. I understand that you wanted this to be something different. The proof is overwhelming that that's a Pat Phillips memory. Proof shouldn't be overwhelming. It should be definitive. [Beeps] Where the fuck are we going? [Will] If what we're seeing on that video happened in real life, I'm gonna find out exactly when. Since this hospital opened, there have been 23 patients named Phillips. But based on the model of his truck, I can eliminate any Phillips from before the year 2000. Yeah, but even after 2000, doesn't that leave a lot of names? That hospital room doesn't exist anymore, so, we can also cross off any Phillips from the past decade. That leaves us with one. "Connor Phillips"? That's him. That's Pat Phillips' dad. He died here 13 years ago. So, it does just record a memory? [Will] It's pretty fucked up what happened today, huh? With Lacey? She spoke out of turn. And she knew the rules. She basically helped write them. It's just you and me talking. You don't believe that. Stop telling me what I believe, Will. Proving the existence of an afterlife destroyed Dad's own life. That's what I believe. Yeah... everybody else's, too. Dad has no intention... of showing anything the machine records with the outside world. That's why he lost it when Lacey told people. If he has no intention of showing what it does to anybody, why is he doing it, huh? What's the point? "Why is he doing it?" [Chuckles] "Why is he doing it?" Let's see. Well... he'll tell you about the millions of people who died, and he'll tell you about finishing his work to honor them. I heard that yesterday. I've been hearing that for the past two years now. [Toby chuckles] And I just... smile and nod and agree... like the idiot son, but I do understand things. I know Mom died... Not died. She killed herself. She killed herself. And when you look... at what Dad spent his life working on, and when you look at the way Mom killed herself, how she did it... how would Dad not feel a little anger on top of his guilt? Hmm? Dad does need... to know. He needs to know that she made it somewhere. He overreacted, that's all. He'll come to his senses, and, uh, Lacey will be back by tomorrow. Dad always comes to his senses. It's not a memory, Will. What? [Isla] On his left arm in that exact spot, there was a different tattoo. - [Will] How is that possible? - I don't know, but in the lab, I saw it. It wasn't a lighthouse. It was waves on his arm. - Are you sure? - Yes. It's not a memory. This is something else. If it's not a memory, then what is it? Everything we've seen doesn't exist anymore. I mean, the hospital room's gone, Pat Phillips, obviously gone. We need to find something in this video that still exists. The... The woman. There's a... Her. We have Connor Phillips' address on his death certificate. So, I say that we go down there tomorrow... and we see if somebody can help us track her down. Will, why are we back here? I don't know what's waiting for us at that house, and I... Do you remember I told you about my accident when I was a kid? Yeah, when you lied to your mom about what you saw. I didn't lie. I didn't lie. [Sighs] This is where I saw whatever... Whatever it is that I saw. This is the beach. I used to come here when I was a kid, like... I was drawn to it. Or it made me feel better. Anyway... Um... when I saw you walking into the water the other day, that's... That's why I was here. What? I had a son... and he was five years old. And I fell asleep... just for a second. And when I woke up, he was gone. At first I thought I wasn't supposed to meet you... or feel anything. But maybe I was wrong. [Will sighs] Um, hi. Is this the Phillips residence? Connor... Did you know Connor Phillips? Pat Phillips? Can you speak English? Okay. Okay, well, that's clearly not the woman from the video. Maybe they moved or something. Should we see if they have the new address? I don't know. I don't know. Can I help you? I haven't seen my brother in years. I'd call it more of a loss for her than for me. Alzheimer's. She deteriorated after Dad died. - Connor? - You knew my father, too? You know, actually, Pat mentioned him. That he went to see him before he died. Well, anyway, Dad died and... Mom, she started going downhill real fast after that. My husband and I, we own the house now. Is there gonna be a service or anything, um, for Pat? I wouldn't know. I'm sorry, if you don't mind me saying, you don't seem that upset about your brother's death. [Sighing] Look... it seems as though you liked him. You found something in him... so, I'm sorry. But to the rest of us... he was a piece of shit who left his sister with a cancer-ridden father and a mother who lost every marble she ever had. I'm sorry. So... [clears throat] is the last time that you saw Pat when he went to visit your Dad in the hospital? I don't know what bullshit he hauled your way, but he never visited my father in the hospital. If he told you that, it's a lie. He called and said he was gonna visit him, but he never showed up. This is gonna sound really strange, but did Pat have a tattoo? He told you about that? Well... When he turned 18, we got matching waves. We were really close then. So, the machine doesn't record a memory. It wasn't a bad theory. People are just gonna keep killing themselves. You know, sooner or later, you're gonna have to forgive your dad. I've been thinking a lot about the difference between... what something is and what something means. And I don't know what any of this is... but I do think if there's a meaning to any of it, it has something to do with not pressing the reset button, even if things get really rough. We're a bunch of people running around, making the same mistakes over and over. And I don't know why we think it'll be different somewhere else... unless we learn what we're supposed to while we're here. [Isla sighs] What was your son's name? Oliver. I was dreaming. When he was in the water, I was dreaming. What about? I don't know. I can't remember. It was one of those times where you know for sure you're dreaming, but you don't... don't know what about. I wish I knew. You don't have to do this alone anymore if you don't want to. [Toby] Will! Fuck! Fuck, Will! Get up. It's Dad. What the fuck are you doing? What about Dad? - It's dad. Get the fuck up. - Okay. All right. I'm coming. I didn't know, so, I couldn't stop it. Slow down and tell me exactly what happened. He hooked himself up to the device. He wanted to prove that it works. - Dad's hooked up right now? - Yes. [Isla] We need to tell him that it works. What? What works? - What are you doing? - He demanded. - Why aren't you bringing him back? - He's too far along. We already know that it records something. Cooper... it works, okay? Dad? Dad? [Woman] Time to pull yourself away. Come back to reality. Come home. - Is that Mom? - It's Mom. [Harber] What I'm doing is reality. I need to finish. It's important. Do you understand? - Their anniversary. - Yeah. [Woman] I'm going upstairs. [Harber] Now, don't be dramatic. I'll be done soon. And we can have dinner. [Harber] Honey, wait. Maybe work can wait. So, what do you say we have some dinner? She's not taking the bath. - That's not what happened. - I know. We can bring him back. Cooper, just... wait. We have to see what happens. [Cooper] We've got to do it now, or it'll be too late. Will, come on. Toby, I'm sorry. Cooper, now! - Dad? Dad, listen to me. - [Defibrillator shocks] Dad, please. Listen to my voice. - Is he gonna be brain...? - I don't know. I don't know. Cooper, hit it again! [Defibrillator shocks] Dad? [Machine beeping] What happened? I knew I saw her. Like a dream that you can't remember. I can't figure out what this is, Dad. I never left my study. Never stopped her on the stairs. - And she drew a bath. - [Will] I know. And in the Pat Phillips recording, he has a different tattoo on his arm. [Harber] I always said the afterlife was a different plane of existence. But... what if it's a different plane... of this existence? Alternate realities? No, our reality... with differences and variations. Stepping out of a truck... to visit a dying parent. Random, like different tattoos. Stopping someone from going upstairs to end their life. When we die, what if we travel to an alternate version of our own life? A second chance? Then we wouldn't... just have to accept our biggest regret. In the afterlife, we could change it. At the risk of stating the super fucking obvious... if you are right and word of this got out-- We have to destroy the machine. [Cooper] Hey, Thomas. Everyone wants to know what's going on. Welcome, everybody. Nice to have you all here. I asked you to gather here today because I thought that we should be honest. - Hi. - Honest with ourselves, honest with each other. - You got to see your mom again. - [Harber] I see you as family... and I think you see me in the same way. And as family... I think sometimes we get so absorbed with... what we're doing individually, we go off on our own track and so forth, we lose the fact that how important family is. - [Gunshot] - [all gasp] Lacey? Lacey. Lacey, it's okay. Put the... Put the gun down. Lacey, I was wrong. You do not need to do this. I didn't kill her. I just relocated her. [Will] Isla? Isla? Isla. Oh, it's okay. Isla? Dad! Oh, God. Dad, please! I need your help! [Woman] Somebody go get help. [Panting] I just wanted my spot back. Okay. Okay. [Will] Isla. Dad, please help her. Don't talk. Just breathe. I don't wanna die anymore. [Muffled] You're okay. I just need you to stay with me. [Boy] Yeah. Ha! [Will mutters] Isla? Isla? [Toby] They were asking, the cops, who to contact for Isla. - Next-of-kin deal. - [Harber] I'll have Cooper look into it. [Toby] Okay. I don't wanna overwhelm him with questions right now, okay? Okay. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Yeah. - Maybe I should go in and check on him-- - No, no, no. Don't. He needs rest. He needs to process, okay? - All right. - You can check on him after dinner. And then we'll finish breaking down the machine tonight. [Toby] Okay. But... we haven't come close... to figuring this all out yet, or what it all means. Like, if it really is another version of our own life, then what happens when we die again? [Harber] Toby. - Toby. - What? [Harber] We've got to let it go for a while. We've just got to. [Grunting] [Harber] Completely dismantled. - All traces need to be gone. - Thomas, I hear you. [Panting] [grunts] [Harber] William? Let us in, don't do this. William. [Machine beeping] He's on the ferry headed here? - Not the same here. - What? I don't understand. How are we watching this right now if he's not dead? [Man on TV] ...since Thomas Harber's first and only post-Discovery interview ended with an on-air suicide. Since then, the worldwide suicide toll has sky-- [Isla] I was watching that. Isla? - Isla? - [Isla] It's off-season. - Why are you going to this dreary island? - Isla? - I have to stop your shooting, Isla. - Sit down. I need you to come with me right now. Sit down, Will. This is just your memory. I'm a part of you. Sit down. What are we doing back on this ferry? What the fuck is going on? You were never able to stop me from killing myself until this life. "This life"? What do you...? What do you mean, "this life"? You always start back on the ferry. [Will] Reality and fantasy are mutually exclusive. They don't exist in the same space. Well, it looks like we're here. You know what? I changed my mind. I don't know what I was thinking. [Isla] The first time, you never got off the ferry. Then the next day you read that a woman named Isla had drowned herself. You went on and lived your life, but the thought that you could've done something never left. It was always there. [Brakes squeak] [Isla] And then one day, just like everybody else... I died. And then you came back here. How long have I been stuck living in this loop? How many times have we met on this ferry? Your death brings you back here. You keep coming back over and over again and again. I don't remember any of it. I don't remember these other lives. Nobody can remember them directly. But sometimes certain memories do have a way of sticking out. [Will] You look so familiar to me. You look so familiar to me. It's your lucky day. I don't normally carry these around. - This is where I saw whatever... - [Will] This is the beach. [Toby] How'd you know this is where you were gonna be staying? [Will] We're a bunch of people running around making the same mistakes over and over. And I just don't know why we think it's gonna be different someplace else. What am I supposed to change? You already changed it. You kept coming back until you saved me. I didn't save you, you died. There's more than one way to save somebody, Will. [Harber] Cooper, ready on our end. We need to bring him back. How can I hear my dad? He's in a different place. Two separate parts in the same place. [Toby] Okay, Dad, defibrillator's charged. No, no, no. I'm not ready to go back yet. I need more time with you. Toby, please wait! Not yet! [Cooper] His vitals are concerning me. If we pull him now, we might lose him. Isla. Isla, please. I'm not ready to leave you. - What's happening to me? - You're about to die. [Cooper] His heart's stopped, Thomas. Organs are shutting down. They're trying to bring you back. That's okay. If I die, I'll just come back here to you. No, not this time. You don't have to come back anymore. You helped me get to where I needed to be and now you'll go someplace else. When I get there, will I be able to remember you? I hope so. [Toby] Dad, everything is shutting down. His brain's showing barely any activity. You're leaving now. This is it. [Harber] I'm not leaving this room until we revive my son. When I get there... I'm going to remember you. [Harber] We've gotta pull him out right now. One... two... three. [Monitor flatlines] [boy chuckles] Oh, hey. Look. You okay? - Yeah. - Hey, come here. Let me help you. Come here, come here. Oh! I got you. Whoa! Whoa! [Boy laughing] You okay? - Holy cow. - Give me that pail. - You went down pretty good, huh? - Yeah. Yep. You okay? I got you. Whoa! [Grunts] Where's your mom and dad? Oliver! Oliver! Hi. It's okay. He's all right. He just... - Okay. - I told you, you can't-- You can't just run off on me like that, okay? I've told you. He was... He was just... He's all right. He was struggling a little bit in the water. I wanted to make sure he got back to you. - Are you okay? - Yeah. - Thank you. - Yeah. He's a good kid. - You're okay. - Thanks. [Will chuckles] [Isla] You can't do that. You scared me. Okay? Can you walk a little bit? ♪ As she submarines The rope loops round her feeble feet ♪ ♪ Before the dawn Breaks on her sorry grasp ♪ ♪ In a blink and in one motion ♪ ♪ Rope constricts Rips her towards the ocean ♪ ♪ She never finds her bearings ♪ ♪ Sucking splash into her lungs ♪ [man vocalizing] ♪ Though I cannot see, I can hear ♪ ♪ Her smile as she sinks ♪ ♪ Though I cannot see, I can hear ♪ ♪ Her smile as she sinks ♪ [man vocalizing] [playing notes] Hello, everybody. Hello. Hello. Greetings! That doesn't get any worse. Hello. Hello, and welcome! Welcome to The Grand Tour, which, once again, comes to you from the shores of Loch Ness in Scotland. Now... The reason why we're still here is, after last week's show, these two got talking to a man in the local town, who has convinced them that, in that lake, there is a monster. Well, there is a monster. Have you seen it? No, but the man was very convincing. Did he sell you a tea towel with a drawing of the monster on it? He did, and now we know what the monster looks like. Exactly. We've also got photographs of the monster. - Look, we've got this one. - That's a log. And we've got this one. Look at that! - Monster. - Another log. Can I just draw your attention to a picture I've got? Here it is. Well, that's not a monster, is it? No, that is an elephant shrew. Well spotted. Now, this is the Nissan GT-R among animals. Have you ever seen it on the move? It's phenomenal! It leaves a rooster tail and it corners like it's got downforce. But my point is, this is a very rare animal, and yet the photograph of it is in sharp focus and colour. Now, all the pictures of your monster are in black and white. - Well, maybe it is black and white. - And blurry. Maybe it's blurry. This has been driving me mad all week, so I decided to go for a drive on some of Scotland's, let's be honest, brilliant driving roads. - They are... They are fantastic. And actually, speaking of which, something called the North Highland Initiative, set up by Prince Charles, a few years ago it came up with the North Coast 500. Now, this was going to be Scotland's answer to Route 66 in America. Miles of amazing scenery. Incredible road. Got a picture of a bit of it here. Look at that. Huge success. Loads of big spenders came with their Lamborghinis, and their Ferraris and their Porsches. Hotels were full, restaurants were packed. Local economy booming. So how long do you think it was before the local newspaper carried a headline containing the following words: "police" and "crackdown"? Ten days. - Two days. - Two days. "Oh, we can't have people driving along that! You might run into a pedestrian!" It's a road! I know it is. And then you've got the A9. Ninety-nine miles of continuous average speed camera. - Ninety-nine? - Ninety-nine miles. Now, I'm sorry, you lot, I presume you're all petrolheads, yes? Yes! So let me ask you a question. Dying in your beds, many years from now would you be willing to trade all the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back and say to the Scottish Safety Camera Partnership, "You can take our licences, but you can't take our freedom"? Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Now look what you've done! Thank you. Look what you've done! - I know. - That's dangerous! - I know. - Let's get on with the show. Yes. In tonight's car programme... An ant in a jar. A dog on a lead. And some beans on a table. But first, when someone wants to buy a large and very fast saloon car, they tend to buy German. They think there is no alternative. But is there? This is the Lexus GS F. And straight away, we can see that it isn't an especially handsome car. And it's a Lexus, which marks its owner out as a golf enthusiast and possibly... a bore. And things are worse when you try to live with it for a while. The most annoying thing, apart from the buttons on the steering wheel, all of which seem to retune the radio to a station you don't like very much, apart from that, every time you reach for a can of zesty drink in the cup holder... I've done it again! You can't help but nudge the mouse which sets the destination on the satnav to where you are. In 300 yards, right turn. I don't need to be told how to get here. I'm already here. Next right, then right turn. Oh, God. Now it's trying to make me go back there a few yards. I was there! So, apart from a fiddly and annoying satnav... Next right, then right turn. ...what else do you get for your £70,000? Er... Not much, really. Er... You don't get Wi-Fi or Apple CarPlay, or gesture control. You don't even get a DSG gearbox. Seats don't massage you as you drive along, it can't park itself. Erm... But you do get a DVD player. And how 1996 is that? This car, then, is sparsely equipped and annoying. However, it's also rather good. First of all, there's the engine. BMW and Mercedes both use turbocharging to balance the need for power with the need for good emissions... but this doesn't. This mixes the fuel with the air, and then, with no trickery at all, blows it up! Of course, that does mean the GS F isn't very kind to animals. And that's a bad thing, make no mistake. But on the upside, listen to the noise it makes! At medium revs, it sounds baleful, like a... lonely dog. But when you build the revs up, it sounds like what it is: a normally aspirated five-litre V8. It doesn't produce anything like the power or the torque you get from its turbocharged German rivals, but for sheer excitement... It's like being tickled by a goddess. And it's not exactly slow. It does 0-60 in four-and-a-half seconds. And flat out, it'll do nearly 170 miles an hour. And then there's the handling. It's hard to believe that this is a large and extremely comfortable five-seater with a boot that's big enough for your golf bats and all your Freemasonry paraphernalia, because... it feels like a sports car. You can change the way the car behaves with various knobs here and buttons here, but I've got everything turned off so I can get a feel for how the car behaves without an electronic safety blanket. And I like it! Look at that. The steering's not brilliant at low speeds, but when you've got the arse hanging out like that... it's fantastic! Yes! Time for another zesty drink. Oh, damn it! - In 300 yards... - I know where I am! Next right. Then right turn. Oh, for God's sake! For living with on a day-to-day basis, German cars are far better. But as a driving machine, and you may find this conclusion surprising... I think the GS F has them licked. Well, well. Now... Now, I should point out, there is a new BMW M5 coming later this year, but it'll have to go some to be better than that GS F. - It really will. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But exactly how many animals were harmed in the making of it? - A lot! - One of them was a tortoise! I know. Let's gloss over that, OK? And let's find out now how fast the Lexus goes round the Eboladrome. And that, of course, means handing it over to a man who thinks that fruit is from the Soviet Union. Yeah, it's the American. He's coiled and ready. And he's off! Unleashing all the 471 wailing horsepower for the first sprint of the Isn't Straight. What the hell does all this shit do in here? All he needs is two pedals and a wheel to unleash the full shock and awe. Traction control? If you want something with a mind of its own... get a horse, get married. Fortunately, he doesn't need the electronic nannies. Pushing it hard up to Your Name Here, and now leaning on the mighty Brembo brakes. Gentle now, letting the torque-vectoring diff do its thing. And then back on the throttle so that mighty V8 can sing its song once more. If they would have let me bring my gun, I'd have probably shot myself by now. And that would be a waste of great talent. Right, another fast dash up the Isn't, and now shifting rapidly down the eight-speed automatic as he arrives at Old Lady's House. Feeding it precisely through there on this damp track, before opening it up for the broken surface down to Substation. Giving the fixed-rate dampers a good workout here. Two corners left. Tidy through there. Just Field of Sheep to go. And he's right on the edge of the grip and across the line! It did look good. It did look good. - It did look good. - How did it do? - This is it. - Yeah. Chris Christie? and fat don't crack. And John Wayne. it's not... not Mom's type. Oh. Whew. Thank Christ. in most states. Valerie? Rich. - That's me. - Yeah. Uh... hey. - Hi. - Hi. Jack. Okay. Take you long to get here from LA? three hours. fast. What kind of car you drive? - A Prius. - An Audi SUV. Jack drove. I had a Honda SUV once. It was great for going to the drive-in. You remember drive-ins? I sure do. I saw "X-Men: Days of Future Past" at the Madera drive-in. You see that one? they... they go back in time or something? Back and forward. Right. Wow. but it makes sense when you see it. All the science is based on real stuff. Mm. Man. You go your whole life and never knowing your dad had an affair and had another kid. What a trip. Yeah. - You guys hungry? - Yeah. What's... what's good here? He's been listening to my mix. You couldn't have introduced him to jazz? He's too young to fall on that sword. is that your lunch? - Yes. - No. It was also my dinner and then a lunch before that. No. Here. - Really? - Yes. That looks really good. - It is. - Thank you. if you ever wanted a regionally specific meal prepared by a trained professional chef I could take you out. That would make for good office gossip. if you want something more private. Oh. right? HR would rake me over the coals. - Aren't you HR? - Oh. Thanks for lunch. So Kitty Pride has to keep the link up fighting to give Wolverine a chance to save the past. right? Uh-huh. I like him. He can sing. He's Australian. But not racist Australian. - Mel Gibson Australian. Yeah. - Exactly. and it is not pretty. but I hope it's not these robots. me too. you'd be safe. They could never take the place of a psychiatrist. I don't know about that. why do I want to kill my mother and fuck my father? I'm sorry. That was... it's a... - Sorry about that. I... I'd be safe too. that's an art form. skinning... it's all in the feel. but a chicken is not a cow. it is not. yeah. - Thank you. um... so just really good meeting you. Really good. But I think we need to be heading back. and Jack has to work. But this has just been really nice. You're leaving? I took the early shift tomorrow. maybe hear a little bit about Dad. I... right? I'd love it. Really. of course. of course. I would love it too. What's a five-letter word for "redolence"? Starts with "A"? Uh... Aroma. Ah! That's it! My first Thursday puzzle. Glass of wine to celebrate? Day drinking makes me sleepy. then sleep... we shall. You didn't have to cook for me. I know. But your kitchen is so much better than the co-op. chop that. So where'd you learn the culinary arts? Howard Dean campaign. actually. Freezing in New Hampshire. You learn quick when you're desperate. Sounds fun. Until the scream. I quit party politics and went grassroots. the small-time. - Yeah. and low expectations is all we got. so you're cautiously pessimistic about the council meeting? I don't know. Beverly Hills did it. no more oil drilling. if only we had a better argument than community health. health does not finance re-election campaigns. So you're going to speak at the meeting? Should I? Maybe. Isn't that why you took this job? I took it 'cause you asked. don't say that. can I talk to you? it'll shock you how much it never happened. don't quote "Mad Men" to me. And this isn't about you. Is something wrong with me? seriously. I just got turned down for a date. You really want to know? Hit me. man. epically selfish. You're like textbook example of a narcissist. And you're a man-child. You're manipulative. right? That ideal appeals to you. It feels good. it's too much work. You know what? You should just play to your strengths. You got a kind of creepy charm. - got a great house. - It is pretty great. You've got symmetrical facial features. - You're 6 feet tall. - I'm 6'1". - Really? - Yeah. Oh. anything else? You'll be fine. - Oh. - What? Good news. I bought some toenail clippers. I'm going. I'm gone. So your mom lets you stay here by yourself? but... and now things are strained. Who's Mae-Yi? The 23-year-old I walked in on my dad having sex with. And you're the one that had to tell your mom? After a week of careful deliberation. Not an easy conversation. Nope. And she's still sad. They both are. Could have saved a lot in lawyer fees if they'd just accepted their fate. You believe in fate? right? My people are fucked. QED. you're gonna leave home and make so many mistakes that have nothing to do with your parents. and it's obvious. I know. I'm thinking about it too. How did the X-Men go backwards and forwards in time? that science is all based on real stuff. I get the feeling that first impressions aren't his specialty. he's a butcher who works at Vons and lives vicariously through superheroes. What else is there to say? Come on. This is exciting. The Big Tomato. that's Sacramento. - Really? - Yeah. - We're not in the Big Tomato right now? - No. then. right? Like a cake or a pie? Pie. Pie is good. pie's really great. You okay? It's just not what I thought it would be. It's just one dinner. Don't sweat it. I'm gonna be there right next to you the whole time. that's not what I... what I'm talking about. This'll be good. You'll see. Yeah. Right. Okay. Jack. Good night. Casey? Yeah? I don't... I don't want to speak at the council meeting. I don't have anything important enough to say. That's fine. You don't have to. You won't be disappointed? It's not about me. It's about you. You want to sleep here? - Saya... - I'm sorry. She refuses to photograph in a Spanish-style house until the Catalan situation is resolved. The house we rented is Mediterranean. - She says it's the same thing. - Motherfucking Gia. Who's Gia? She's a YouTuber. She's massively popular and awful. She's from Spain? - Long Beach. - Right. We're launching her lifestyle brand... adult house. She's very particular. Use my house. You own a house? Da bones are great. Light's fantastic. This place was made to be shot. You are a freaking lifesaver. I owe you. no problem. just hang around till Gia shows up? I have to get back to the office. But Saya will be here to troubleshoot. Yay. Leon. The inside is like custard. And the syrup... and sugar. Wait. You made this? you... you said you like blueberries. What did I do to deserve you? I... I should get going. I hear the siren's call of the cafe. you're still working at the coffee shop? will be never. Val's still away. Why don't... you stay and do some work here? Or other things. Friday crossword? Maybe later. I can't tell if these cornflakes are stale or just cornflakes. It looks like a big bowl of scabs. Sorry. Why do people sentimentalize small towns? Why? is uniformity so endearing? I don't have to hear other points of view. How great. miss. It's the almond capital of the world. That's Sacramento. - That's Sacramento? Shit. Damn it. - Yeah. I got to take this. I'm sorry. One second. Yeah. but this work thing just came up. I have to take this. Couple hours. What? - A couple hours? - At the most. no. What I am supposed to do? get the pie. And I'll be as fast as I can; I promise. Sorry. Yeah. eye contact. Keep it personal. Short and sweet. They will cut you off. no pressure. Say what you have to say. It's on them to listen. Hello? you ever heard of the YouTube star Gia? The one who flashed her tits at the Broad? for one. Stop the presses. I'm kind of in the middle of something. She just mixes random black textiles. That's not design; That's an affront to good taste. Excuse me. Do you care about anything important? Have you not heard my tone? Do you think our family's poisoned? What do you mean? In what way? in our blood? Because there's something wrong with us that can never be fixed? I can only speak for myself. Maybe ask your mom? She's in Fresno. Oh. I got to go. Good luck with Gia. I'll call him and see if he can take the hit. And I'll also call Suarez. and we... Right. we have options. Just tell me what you need. Logan. Are you okay? You're here. Where else would I be? I ask that the council vote yes on the moratorium. Thank you. I believe we have one more speaker. Excuse me. Thank you. Hello. but I will be able to vote in the next election... maybe even run. Um... so... there are active oil and gas wells 000 feet of homes and schools and hospitals. Only drilling companies cover them up with buildings so people don't know what's happening right next to them. But you do. and there's something toxic in the air I guess 'cause it's hard. But shouldn't we talk about the hard things the most instead of just sweeping them under the rug and letting the poison seep inside us? it affects everyone. And maybe you can never get it out. hoping that everything's going to be okay. But it won't be okay. And that's... really sad and unfair. Please vote yes on the moratorium. Thank you. Excuse me. Thank you. - This one? - I guess so. What happened to our pie idea? they were... totally out of pie. - Get in here. - Hi. We brought champagne. Ooh. Wendy. She's a nurse. - Hi. Jamey. cool. This is my... Jack. Would you like something to drink? Champagne? Fancy. Thank you. that's our Great Uncle Virgil. He was a bit of a ladies' man back in his day. Uh-oh. He looks the part. So what are you studying at UC Davis? Animal sciences. and I'd like to see sustainable farming embraced by the big players. This is a picture of me and Dad on a fishing trip when I was ten. made all his own flies. but no one was ever as good at it as he was. He was never happier than when he was fishing. - Do you like baseball? - I do. What you got? wow. Hey. My god. which is probably how you feel after getting rejected again. Don't let them touch my shit. Enough! Do you want to talk about it? It's fine. I'm fine. I'll buy you a new waffle iron. I liked that one. I'm disappointed you didn't want to go out with me. but... I thought we vibed. Oh. and it's frustrating. right? separated. yeah. Can we maybe not have this conversation here? Fine. Thank you. This is a great pie. and she passed it down. that's so nice. I can't imagine the horrors that my mom passed down to me. genetically speaking. She didn't... she didn't bake too many pies. But yeah. Does anybody else want... Really? Nobody? Want some? Anybody? - Jamey? - I'm 20. don't say I didn't offer. it's fine. It was nice to meet you guys. - Oh. - You too. then. So... UC Davis. got himself a scholarship. Awesome. Rich tells me you have a daughter. Laura. She's 17. She's homeschooled. by qualified people. She's very smart. You must be so proud. What's that? Oh. I'm not her father. I'm divorced. Oh. I'm so sorry. it's good. It's an improvement. Was it hard on Laura? she thrived. Is she in LA with her dad? yeah. Sure. Or she's at home. she's very... she's very independent. you know... just in case. Well... If that's what works for you. it does. Man. life in the big city. you know... it could be worse. right? I'm... I'm kidding. It's great. I just feel stupid. I know I should move on. He did. It's hard. and then suddenly they just leave. You can't lean on them anymore. but then you see a picture of them and you realize you're not fine at all. Gia's not coming. Motherfucking Gia. What a waste of food. Good work up there. stop. You're not poison. right? Casey. Pete Nako has office space in Sacramento. Can you take a look on Friday? so it's perfect. - What's in Sacramento? - The next battle. But what about here? and you'll be here. You can help lead the resistance. Ask Nako what he wants us to bring. or do we own it? Katrina. he's calling me now. Hold on. Yeah. Can we talk? why don't you go to your hotel room and give me a call? I know the dinner wasn't what you wanted. - I just am worried that you're... - You're supposed to be by my side. it's like my hand just goes right through. I can't do it. but I can't. they have to actually show up. I'm here now. You can't do this. I can. So the spring rolls were terrible. Mm-hmm. - But I thought the lobster was great. - Yeah. Give the rest to Clark. No way. I'm keeping this for myself. But you're very thoughtful. People always say that. They don't always. not one time. That was a good date. this is Valerie. I'm not here right now. Please leave a message. wait. What? Come here. Not false or fake. - F... not... - "Real. 63. Real? that's a good question. right? the... the crossword? At least until the construction stops. Did you have these made before I got here? Nope. I didn't. - You did. - No. I didn't. - You did! - You did. You did. You did. - I did! I did! Oh, look, they must be here for the antiques marquee. It's new this year at the county fair. They say they may be having fully qualified experts coming from London. Just think of it! We might have an undiscovered fortune right under our noses! Oh, dear. I fear Mammon is upon us. Mrs Coombes at the station said they'd all sorts in the luggage racks. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if half the thieves in the county are making their way to Kembleford as we speak. They've already had one theft. I got one of each kind so we can test them all. I'm going to try the Worcester Pearmain first, I think. Excellent choice. Welcome to Kembleford. Are you here for the county fair? We are, yes. I'm sorry, I do apologise, this is my daughter, Grace. My wife was Tanganyikan. Oh. Father Brown. Hello. Aldous, Aldous Kemp. Africa! You must find everything here very different. Are you planning on staying? I'm going to medical school. If we can find one that will have me. Oh, come on, any medical school will be proud to have her. I'm sure they would. Britain has a fine tradition of scientists inspired by apples. Come on, Grace, let's check in. And yours is this way, sir. And that was delivered for you this morning, sir. Good day. KNOCK ON DOOR Can I come in? One moment. You see, it has exactly the same pattern as that old bracelet they dug up at Chedworth. Penelope, do you know anything about antiquities? Never get anything valued unless you can afford the insurance. Oh, yes, just my luck - the only two people in Kembleford with no interest in worldly riches. I wouldn't be so sure about that. Father, you can't sell that, it was a gift! Just curious to see what it felt like... ..to hold a new church roof in my hands. "An early example of Harper's English futurist style, "carved in the trenches of Arras." £300! 300? Well, I have always said I thought that oil lamp rather... ugly. Clearly, you don't love her enough! Be careful with that, it's Roman. I was wondering if it mightn't date from around the same time they found all those coins at Chedworth? We're engravers, not an auction house. If you want it cleaned, it's one and six. It's in lovely condition. And the pin and hinge fastener has been in use since Roman settlement. Well, at least someone knows what they're talking about. John here went to art school. Oh, is that an antique as well? Oh, yes. She's a real beauty. Sorry, no weapons. How many times do I have to say it? We do not turn customers away. If a man wants a sword cleaned, he gets a sword cleaned. You think we can afford to throw money away? I know how things are. I came back to help, didn't I? Let's go back to work, son. I say, I don't suppose you've come across the antiques man from London? The only reason you want to know is because the innkeeper's wife has been telling everyone how dashing he is. He's staying at the inn! Thanks, Mrs M! No...! Hello, may I deposit an item in your safe? I'm sorry, sir, we don't have one. There's woodworm in the bureau and the sheets have barely been ironed. Bunty Windermere. May I assist in any way? If you know of any alternative accommodation in Kembleford other than this hovel, I'd be most grateful. Wynford Collins. From Chapman Saunders, the auction house. Have we met? You'd remember. I rather think I would. So shall I send someone up to collect your luggage? Well, you can't stay here. We'll put you in the Chinese Room. Wonderful view of the sunken garden. That's very good of you. Just give me five minutes to fight the woodworm off my suitcase, and I shall return. You understand? Look, I'm sorry. Goodnight. Hello? Papa? HORN TOOTS I thought the fair was that way? Ran out of petrol! Dodgy ticker, poor thing. You know, Hornby thinks she might have been siphoned. Really? Riff-raff from the fair. Can we offer you a lift? No, I'm afraid I am on official business. A death at the inn. Who? A man called Aldous Kemp. How dreadful! His poor daughter. Did you know them? I met them briefly when I was checking in. I think I met them, too. Papa goes off to bed, but the daughter stays and cries into the tablecloth. Something was going on. ENGINE STARTS Toodle-oo, Father. Requiescat in pace. Amen. Is there anything I can do? Would you like to pray? I'm an atheist. I don't want prayers. I want to know what happened. SHE SOBS If you're done, Padre... Looks like he was planning to get something valued at the fair. But you found nothing in the room? Someone could've taken it. There's only three rooms on the landing. His daughter's in that one, and the one at the end of the corridor is empty. Wouldn't have been difficult. Yes, thank you, Goodfellow. HE SNIFFS I hope you're not interfering with a murder weapon, Padre. I don't think it is a murder weapon, Inspector. It hasn't been fired. And he wasn't struck with it. But it's rather old. Perhaps that was what he was taking to the fair to be valued. You may know about many things, Padre, but guns aren't one of them. Colonial handgun, popular with civil servants stationed abroad. Not exactly a surprise, considering our victim worked for the East African Postal Service. But it is a surprise that it's out here in an herbaceous border. Goodfellow, collect the evidence and search the area. Father. Thank you, Sergeant. Have they found something? Your father's handgun. My father didn't have a gun. He abhorred violence. He threw his in the river the day we left Tanganyika. This is all so... I keep imagining he's simply going to walk in and sit down beside me. As long as I don't leave this table, he's just late for breakfast. And I can't leave, because if I leave... it will make it real. I said some awful things. You were angry? Selfish, stupid. I just couldn't understand. How could he suddenly not have the money for medical school? It's what we'd come here to do. We made up before he went to bed. I managed that much, at least. I'm so ashamed, I should never have... No, no - sh, sh. Keep it safe. I'll explain everything tomorrow. Just now... I've got to rest. Did you open the envelope? Should I have? Please can I have a hot whisky with honey and cloves and two sticks of cinnamon? Yes. I asked them to make your drink. Shall I bring it in? You don't need to apologise, Grace. But if you leave it by the door, I'm sure it'll find a home. I've put it outside. Usiku mwema. Lala salama. These were found by your father's bed. Can you confirm they're his? They are. Chloroquine. He took them for malaria. Grace Kemp, I'm arresting you for the murder of Aldous Kemp. You're not obliged to say anything unless you wish to do so, but whatever you say may be taken in writing and given in evidence. Me? I've just come from the pathologist. He believes your father's death was caused by sleeping pills interfering with his malaria medicine. And what appears to be sleeping pill residue was found in the drink beside his bed. You took him this drink, did you not? I did, but... And you're a student of medicine. I believe you put those pills in his drink, knowing they would react with his malaria medication and kill him. Anybody else could have had the same opportunity. Why would I do that? He's my father. Several witnesses saw you arguing shortly before you made him the drink. You were reported to be weeping inconsolably after being told you couldn't go to medical school. And we both know how generous Colonial Service death benefits are. You think I'd kill my father for that? What kind of monster do you think I am? We'll soon find out. Inspector! You stick to your business, Padre, I'll stick to mine. I placed my salvation in a rational world, in books - but now I place it in the church. Please, Father, help me find it. Yes. I will. "Rational World." CHILDREN SHOUT More coffee, please. And none of that powdered stuff this time. Next. It's real gold. It came into my family from a doctor in Blackfriars, but I believe... It's a mass-produced costume piece. Worth no more than five shillings, I'm afraid. No, no, I think you must be mistaken. You see, my grandmother told me that Great-Grandpa Roberts sold his best horse to buy that. Well, then, he was either robbed or extremely stupid. That is downright... disrespectful. They're always the same, these yokels, getting worked up over their cheap trinkets. Next. Or they got caught up in an opium ring at the governor's house? The colonies are rife with that sort of thing. Mm. Aldous Kemp didn't seem the type. I suppose you're right. Blackmail? Ah, Boudica herself! Do tell, do we have a Roman horde on our hands? Boudica wasn't Roman. Come on, Mrs M, spill the beans! I shall be seeking a second opinion from someone who has time to examine it properly. Mrs McCarthy, can we enlist your help? Grace Kemp has been arrested. Oh, now, why doesn't that surprise me? I mean, it isn't exactly natural for a young woman to be interested in cutting up bodies, now, is it? And her being godless, too. But the Father doesn't think she did it. Oh? I have seen many people mourn their parents. Her grief is genuine. Her chief defence is the gun. If Aldous Kemp did not own a gun, then someone else must have been involved in his killing. Someone who owned a Colonial Civil Service handgun. Oh, don't mind us. We can ask the gunsmith. If it was someone local, then they would have bought their rounds there and it's the only one for miles. Thank you. Who? Frank Hammond. Stuck in his mind because he usually orders cartridges for his shotguns. Partial to rabbit stew, apparently. Duck! GUNSHOT No, rabbit. Sorry, Father. Magnificent creatures. Although I've never understood how killing them could be a sport. Me neither. Though it must take enormous skill to get close to an animal like that. Hmm. Rather different than rabbits, I suppose. Rabbits can be wily beggars when you're onto 'em. Frightful pests, too. Daddy used to defend our lawn with a handgun. I think I've decided on this one. The Father tells me you have quite the collection of shotguns. Have you thought about showing any of them to the antiques man at the Fair? Shouldn't think he'd be that interested in a load of old guns. Oh, the older the better. A farmer brought one in, he was using it for foxes but turns out it was a Boswell worth £50! £50? For an old shotgun? There are plenty of rich collectors out there. I must confess, I'm a bit of an expert myself. Would you like me to take a look at yours? If it's not too much trouble. Just through here. SHOP BELL RINGS MAN: Mr Hammond? Excuse me. Customer. Fascinating. I'd love to talk to your son about his work. John's out. Please. Thank you. Not at all. Well, guilty if ever I saw one. You forget the giraffe. A skilled engraver in this family has spent some time in Africa and it is not Mr Hammond. What was all that about, then? Well, I would imagine that he saw that his son's handgun was missing and then discovered that some shells has been recently ordered and he's trying to protect him. John? ! I doubt he'd hit anything that night - he was practically on the floor of the Red Lion when I saw him. Oh! We need to find John. Do you think he knew the Kemps in Africa? Forbidden romance! You've got five minutes, Father. Did you find it? What did it say? I don't know what it means. Do you know a man called John Hammond? He worked with my father. Last year, in the East African Postal Service. He owned the gun. The one your father threw out of the window. Is the Father here? Not unless he's hiding under a table. Which I wouldn't put past him. Did he go with Grace? You have released her, now you know it was John's gun? Whose gun? You are aware that withholding evidence is a criminal offence? Yes. Which is precisely why I came to alert you... after I had ministered to Grace Kemp. The atheist. Of course. I'll deal with you later. I've found him. Bad day? Busy. You remind me of another young person I know. I think you know her. Grace Kemp. You worked with her father in Tanganyika. Must have been a surprise... when he came into the shop yesterday. I suspect you had a lot to catch up on. Or did you wait until later, when you went to visit him? Why did you take your gun with you? N-no... The police found it. At the inn. I didn't do it. I didn't kill him. He was my friend. If that's true, you have nothing to fear by confessing what happened between you. Your gun wasn't fired, it didn't kill him. It's got my fingerprints on. It was found where he died. If they print these... they'll say I did it. SHE WHISTLES Ah. Good afternoon. May I help you, Inspector? Yes. By not interfering with our investigations and letting our murderer get away. But we don't know that yet, do we? The prints we found on his gun match the ones in Kemp's room. Your friend was there. I'm afraid you've let your faith in people fool you again. Why did you let him escape? Oh. You don't think he did it, do you? Why did John leave his prints on the gun in the room if he wanted to steal something? Why not wear gloves? George, is John a regular here? Never even seen him before yesterday morning. Drinking in the morning? No, delivers his parcel, heads back to work, never even glances at temptation. Who was the parcel for? Well, the, uh... You know. Mr Aldous Kemp? But the police didn't even find the parcel in his room. Or any packaging. CLATTERING It's just a cat. Sweet Jesus, what on Earth are you doing? Antique hunting. In a dustbin? Is that alcohol I smell on your breath? It's just the general ambience. And what exactly are you expecting to find? I don't know. Well, it's just as well you're both here. Our so-called antiques expert told Mrs Trevithick that her necklace was worthless! And the same for Sergeant Goodfellow's sword! In fact, I've yet to meet anyone who's been offered more than a few shillings. So it is quite clear! Wynford Collins is a charlatan! Oh, well, perhaps we should call Scotland Yard and set up a sting operation to expose him(! ) That's exactly what I was thinking. Well, I can see I am going to have to find justice on my own. HE SNIFFS Gun oil? Yes, well, that explains how the gun got into Mr Kemp's room. But why did John give him a gun? John? John! What have you done? The police said that dead man's from Africa! Just keep yourself out of this. I warned you, didn't I? But, no, you had to have your foolhardy job in Africa! Which you made me leave to come back here to save your business! Like you've spent my entire life trying to make me stay here, rather than working on my art, pursuing a career! Career? ! A career's something you get paid for! And that's what it's always about, isn't it? Money! Not me. Not even you. We've spent our entire lives trapped by it. And finally - finally! - I get the chance to pay off the mortgage on the workshop and free us both. You killed a man for that? I'll turn you in myself! I didn't kill him! I was protecting him! And now I have to save myself. John, no. Do not come after me! Excuse me. Ah, World War I trench art. Popular way of passing the time between being shot at. Not particularly valuable in itself, but it's an interesting design and I do collect such pieces. I could offer you... 15 shillings? You know very well it's worth more than that. £300 more, in fact. And I am not the only person around here that you have tried to cheat. If I could have a penny for every person who's brought me the purported "early work" of a famous artist. Tell me, have you even heard of provenance? Of course I have! It's in the south of France. Provenance means a chain of title, proving that a piece is by who it claims to be by. Without proof, a work like this could be by anyone. Which, in this case, it probably is. If you observe... perfectly reasonable detail on the front... Hello, Freya. Hello, Evie. KIDS: Hello, Father Brown. Wherever have you two been? Penelope, you need to make enquiries about that man immediately! What man? He has been swindling people right, left and centre. Am I right in thinking you're referring to our esteemed antiques expert, Wynford Collins? Yes, your guest! And that you have borrowed our treasured oil lamp to solicit a valuation. Well, I didn't think you'd mind, seeing as criminality was involved. Well? He actually tried to cheat me. He made out that your oil lamp wasn't by Robert Harper at all, as if Robert hadn't given it to you with his own hand. But no, Mr Collins said there was an insignia at the back. Post Office Rifles. And he was certain of it because he had started out as a Postal Services clerk before he went into the auction business. And he knew that no Robert Harper had ever served in that corps. Then he had the temerity to say I should check my facts! Yes. Postal Service. I'm sorry, we're closed. This won't take long. Very well. Have you ever been in Tanganyika? What's this about? Do you know anything about this party at the governor's residence? I've never been to... whatever country that was, let alone any party there. I thought so. Now, if you'll excuse me. Turn yourself in! He's a thief and a liar! And if the law won't force the truth from him, then I will! Father, if you let him get away, they'll hang me. You need to tell me the truth. I've seen your engravings. You and Mr Aldous Kemp used to work for the East African Postal Service in Tanganyika, didn't you? And you engrave stamps. Among them the Tanganyika Green which is worth, well, enough for one - or two men - to live comfortably for the rest of their lives. How do you...? Was it yours or Mr Kemp's idea? It was all for Grace. He'd never have done it for himself. He was a clever man, but his family had modest means. It was hard for him, watching lesser men rise above him because of their money and connections. HE LAUGHS He didn't want to fail her. But she was set on medical school. That's the only one? I've changed the plate so it's up the right way now. How much do you think they're worth? Depends on the collectors. So... ..four for us. Good job. 'He said we should wait a year. Sell them through a provincial dealer 'back here to avoid attention.' As agreed, Mr Kemp returns to England, and after hearing about thefts at the inn, you left your gun there for him to protect himself. But then something went wrong. He saw Wynford. At the inn. And Mr Wynford Collins recognised Mr Kemp, because they used to work together at the British Postal Office. So... he cancelled the planned meeting and came to tell you that the sale was off. Listen, their valuer knows I work for the Postal Service, so if he catches even a whiff of that stamp, he'll know what we've done. It'll be worthless to us. Let me sell it to him, then. Well, that's not suspicious, me cancelling our meeting one day, and you offering him rare stamps the next(! ) No, we'll have to wait. Find another buyer. I can't wait any longer. They're going to take this place unless we pay the arrears this month. You're not the only one letting down someone you love. Clearly you don't love her enough! But you went to Mr Collins, anyway. What sort of stamp is it? A Tanganyika Green. Obviously, I'd need to see it. If it's damaged, that may diminish the value significantly. But if you'd like to bring it along tomorrow, I'd be happy to examine it. Ten o'clock? Ten o'clock. INDISTINCT CHATTER I couldn't find the stamps. Codswallop. So you just sat at the bar for the rest of the night while some mystery thief happened to hear about the stamps and drug Kemp to get them? It's the truth. But there was someone there who knew about the stamps and wanted to take them for themselves. And knew that his victims could not complain for fear of revealing their fraud. Mr Collins? ! You've gone off the deep end this time, Padre. The innkeeper told you that the room next to Mr Kemp's was empty, but that was exactly when Mr Collins was packing, and when Grace Kemp left her father's drink outside his door. Nice try, Padre. But no sleeping pill I know would've had time to work before he'd left for Montague, where, I have it on good authority, he stayed that night. And where Miss Windermere's car suffered a mysterious loss of petrol that night. Thank you so much for waiting till now to share this(! ) He'll be miles away. Inspector, I think his getaway vehicle is, uh... ..unreliable. They must have emptied the whole tank last night, damn them! Only a woman wouldn't carry any spare. There's a garage about half a mile down the road. Whatever does he want? I believe he's coming for your confession. Is this some sort of practical joke? I assure you not. I urge you to confess to the murder of Aldous Kemp and save an innocent young man from the gallows. Ah, the drunk with the shotgun. Provincial fairs. There's always one disappointed customer who's spent too long in the cider tent. Although I've never been accused of murder before! The Tanganyika Green is a very valuable stamp. I'd expect any dealer worth his salt to recognise it. But when I showed you four on an envelope, you said nothing. Because you are the one who broke into the room to steal the stamps, and killed Aldous Kemp. I think your friend's been in the cider tent, too. I'll get the garage to send someone. POLICE BELL RINGS Sorry, Father. I don't think I've dented it. Always happy to help, Inspector. I-I didn't kill him! Oh? So what did you do, then? It was an accident! They brought me the stamp. A postal services officer and an engraver. Of course I realised what they'd done. I didn't plan to take it, but... GRACE: I've put it outside. Usiku mwema. ALDOUS: Lala salama. What can I say? All men have their weaknesses. You waited for the sleeping pills to take effect.... ..and then you returned in Miss Windermere's car to fetch the stamps. He should have been asleep. What are you doing? Let's keep this simple. I know what you did. So you give me the stamps or I tell every auction house in the country and nobody makes any money. Get out! They're not there. I haven't got them. He was alive when I left him. That's all I know. But you did not know that your sleeping pills were reacting with his malaria drugs. And that would kill him. You see, it was an accident. It might not be murder, but you're still looking at manslaughter, in my book. And worse for his unrepentant soul, I fear. I don't have them! The priest does! Yes, he's a big stamp collector. Your inheritance. I can't take them. Those tiny scraps of paper are the difference between my father being dead or alive. Or the difference between a life fulfilled and a life frustrated. Grace, take them. The patients whose lives you will save will be glad you did. But she can't sell them! I mean, that would be fraud! Nonsense! They're genuine stamps. And I could introduce you to genuine buyers. If that's what you'd like? I never imagined I'd be persuaded of anything by a Catholic priest. But there's something I must do first. I always had my father's support for my ambitions. He's come this far with none. The Lord sets a hard road for those he entrusts with a talent. But a hard road is easier with a friend. It must be nice, to excel at something. You do excel at something - getting into trouble. Just like him. In the Northern Ireland conflict, spying was a very dangerous game. The IRA's chief interrogator explains how he extracted confessions from informers, before they were shot. Except that, for years, the interrogator was himself one of Britain's most important spies. Codenamed Stakeknife, he was unmasked in 2003, real name Freddie Scappaticci. Now Stakeknife and his spy masters are the subject of a major criminal enquiry. Were fellow spies sacrificed so that he could continue to spy? Our Panorama investigation suggests they were. This is Milltown Cemetery in Belfast. The Northern Ireland conflict cost 3,700 lives. Many are buried here, along with many secrets. In one corner are the graves of those revered as heroes by the IRA. Elsewhere, the graves of those shot by the IRA as British spies. But in the murky world of agents and informers, some things are not quite what they seem. Officially, the Northern Ireland conflict was not a war. In truth, it was sometimes waged by the intelligence services as if it was. This is the story of how far the intelligence services compromised their peacetime values in an effort to beat the IRA, a story that some have been determined should never see the light of day. The IRA spent nearly three decades trying to bomb the British out of Northern Ireland. This was the Markets area of Belfast, a tight-knit Republican community where Freddie Scappaticci lived. Freddie Scappaticci was a household name, a very well respected figure in the Markets. He would have been the commander of the provisional IRA in the Markets area. Anthony McIntyre joined the IRA under Freddie Scappaticci's command. You knew he was in the room. I mean, you could look around the whole room and you would have stopped at Scappaticci, because he was somebody who was looked up to, somebody who was admired. In you go. When Republicans were detained without trial in 1971, Freddie Scappaticci was one of them. He was amongst the most senior IRA members to be held and one of the last to be released four years later. He was soon back in trouble with the law. I've learned that Scappaticci got himself involved in a large VAT fraud in the building trade. He was a bricklayer by trade. The police fraud squad arrested him, but rather than charge him, he did a deal. He agreed to become a police informer. The IRA had also appointed him to a new unit to root out informers - called Internal Security. One of its first victims was a young IRA volunteer called Michael Kearney. I'm on my way to meet a close relative, who was also in the IRA. He wants to remain anonymous. The countdown to Kearney's death began when he and a friend were picked up by the army and handed over to the police, the Royal Ulster Constabulary. His friend later testified that he could hear Michael getting a really hard time. He seemed to be getting thrown against the walls cos the walls were vibrating. And they were shouting and screaming, banging tables. Three days later, Kearney broke and disclosed to the police the location of a small explosives dump. The British Army and the RUC in a combined operation raided the flat that night and recovered the explosives. Instead of charging Kearney, the police turned him loose. By lifting the dump, they were actually fingering him. Basically sending word to the IRA to say, "This is the one that lifted the dump." Or, "This is the one that gave away on this particular dump." A detective had warned that, if Kearney was released, he risked being shot as a spy. The police put it to the vote - three to one in favour of his release. Sure enough, within 48 hours, Kearney was ordered to report to the IRA's Internal Security Unit. He was driven south to the Irish border. Kearney was questioned by a team of interrogators, including Freddie Scappaticci. After 16 days, he was released, or so he thought. They actually had given him a drink. They'd actually told him that he was going home to his mother and he would be heading due north shortly. Instead of heading north back to Belfast, the van carrying Kearney headed west, along the border. When they reached a place called Maguiresbridge, it was there that he was told, quite candidly, that he was to be executed. - How do you know that? - The IRA told me. He got out of the vehicle and I've been told he wasn't bound or gagged or hooded in any way. His executioner said that he accepted it as a soldier. Michael asked to say a prayer and he was allowed to, while the guy loaded up. And as he was praying, he was shot twice in the back of the head at close range. Michael Kearney had just turned 20 when he was shot by the IRA after being interrogated by Scappaticci. The IRA have since acknowledged he was never a spy. With the blood of Michael Kearney on his hands, two months later, Scappaticci graduated from being an informer with the police fraud squad to a paid agent with military intelligence. The British now had a spy at the very heart of the IRA, with unique access to its high command and its war plans. I mean, the security department, they know everything about the IRA. They are like an electrical junction box through which every wire must flow. If the British put somebody in there, the British really have the wedding tackle of the IRA firmly in their hands. I mean, it's a brilliant, brilliant strategy. As a British agent, Scappaticci was given a number, 6126, and a codename, Stakeknife. He was now feeding back to his army handlers what the IRA leadership were thinking and planning, and which of their agents were at risk of being shot by the Internal Security Unit, otherwise known as the Nutting Squad. Why the Nutting Squad? Because everybody who ended up being shot dead, a bullet in the head, a bullet in the nut, had to pass through the security department before they would end up getting killed. Touting, or informing on the IRA, was the most reviled thing that any Republican could do. Who knows what motivated Freddie Scappaticci to turn traitor to the Republican cause? I gather he told his British Army handlers that he disliked gratuitous violence. Still, that doesn't seem to have stopped him from preparing his fellow agents for death and, sometimes, pretty barbaric deaths at that. The next few years saw a sharp rise in IRA executions of suspected informers, which today are being investigated by Operation Kenova, the £35 million criminal enquiry centred on Stakeknife. The IRA would be saying, "Scap's good for business, let's keep him," you know. - Proving himself? - Yeah, he's worth his weight in gold. - He's bloodied? - Yeah. Vincent Robinson was another of the Nutting Squad's victims. His battered body was dumped in the rubbish chute of a tower block. The Scappaticci and the Robinson families had been neighbours. The Robinsons insist Vincent was never a spy. According to their lawyer, Scappaticci assured them Vincent had not suffered in his final moments. Some time after the killing of Vincent Robinson, Mr Scappaticci gave an absolute assurance that he wasn't subjected to any form of torture. Kevin Winters represents many of the families whose relatives were murdered by the Nutting Squad. So the family took that at face value and accepted that, and that was their understanding for a number of years. Was it true? Well, as it turns out, it wasn't true because the inquest papers make it very clear that Vincent Robinson was in fact subjected to the most horrendous torture. He was kicked in the stomach and he was struck on the side of the head anything up to five times, smashing in his skull. I spoke to several ex-IRA men for whom the name Scappaticci still spells dread. I've come to meet one of them, who wants to stay anonymous. What kind of reputation did Scappaticci have within the IRA? It was massive. It was big. How did most IRA volunteers think of him? - They were afraid of him. - HE LAUGHS - Absolutely. - Because? His interrogation tactics. Hang you upside down. Not allowed to sleep. But he always seemed to get the job done. Do you know people who were interrogated by him? - Yeah, yeah. - And what do they say about him? They said he was a bastard. Being a "bastard" was how Stakeknife maintained his cover. We had to know where the threat level was, the strengths and weaknesses of the people we were actually dealing with. For five years, Ray White headed Special Branch in Belfast, working closely with MI5 and military intelligence. Back then, spy technology was nothing like as sophisticated as it is today. The biggest reliance, actually, was on having an individual within the organisations. So the two-legged source, by and large, meeting as it were with his handlers, was our bread-and-butter. Both security sources and former members of the IRA here in west Belfast have told me Scappaticci became head of the Nutting Squad during the 1980s. Culling agents was, of course, one of the squad's key tasks. So Scappaticci's British Army handlers can have been in absolutely no doubt that he was involved in the murder of his fellow agents, time and time again. No matter what the handler basically cautions the agent, once he steps back into the paramilitary world, he has to be a model terrorist. He has to abide by the instructions that the organisation gives him in every respect. The bottom line is, you don't get intelligence from milkmaids - that seems to be what you're saying. That is the aspect that even some of our colleagues today find a wee bit hard to sort of come to terms with, that you were actually doing deals with people who, as I say, had blood on their hands. A lot of blood while Scappaticci was in the Nutting Squad. Operation Kenova, the new investigation into Stakeknife, was triggered by Northern Ireland's Director of Public Prosecutions on receipt of a classified report. It made for very disturbing and chilling reading. It paints a picture of an intelligence gathering operation at the upper levels of the IRA during which many, many terrible things happened. Can you say... ..roughly, how many murders the evidence so far suggests the agent Stakeknife was involved with or linked to? To some extent or another, yes, there's a connection between the agent known as Stakeknife and at least 18 murders. That's a lot of murders. It is a lot of murders and it goes back quite a period of time. So you were in the Special Branch in Belfast for 11 years. You must have lost some agents in that time? We did. Any... - How many? - Can't say. We lost agents. What was the loss of an agent like? It was a hammer blow. It was a tremendous... ..as it were a psychological and emotional blow to those people that were the handlers. For the relatives of those shot as informers, it's been a life sentence. Ryan Hegarty was just five when his father was murdered. He learnt about this from the television news. - REPORTER: - 'Mr Hegarty was shot in the head. 'His hands were tied behind his back.' Well, I recognised his clothes because he was wearing the same clothes... ..when I had last seen him. It has an imprinting factor on my life and also in my head. It's been a living hell, to be truthful with you, because we've had to live with the stigma of what he was shot for. Frank Hegarty was an Army agent who gave the British the location of rifles and ammunition in 1986. Nobody likes traitors or agents, informers or whatever. And what were the sort of things that were said to you? It would have been, "Up the IRA". "Up the 'RA, we got your da." - "We got your da?" - Uh-huh. - Taunting you? - Exactly. Yes. Could Frank Hegarty's life have been saved? Scappaticci has said he knew Hegarty was going to be shot. Sometimes Scappaticci didn't tell his Army handlers all he knew, but sometimes he did. Are you able to say whether any of the agents you did lose, intelligence services, were forewarned by Stakeknife that they were at risk? If I answered that question, I would be identifying individuals that were there and, as there's an ongoing investigation into those things, that's an aspect I would just leave on the table. At the heart of that investigation, Operation Kenova, is this question - were British agents allowed to die to protect Stakeknife's cover? Good morning, Bedfordshire Police, how can I help? Former counterterrorism detective Jon Boutcher, now Chief Constable of Bedfordshire, is leading a team of 50 detectives. Is there any evidence so far that suggests the intelligence agencies had the opportunity to save their lives, but, for one reason or another, didn't take that opportunity? There are families that believe that their loved ones' deaths could have been prevented. There could have been state intervention. Now, again, that's not straightforward. We need to look at the circumstances of what may or may not been known by those state actors, those state forces, when, and what opportunities they may or may not have had to do anything. Scappaticci was run by a special department within British military intelligence called the Force Research Unit, or FRU. They regarded him as their golden egg. The police, Special Branch, also ran agents, and one of their agents, Joe Fenton, ran an estate agency around here. The Special Branch paid Fenton to set up the agency, Ideal Homes, to provide the IRA with safe houses, which MI5 then bugged. This yielded arrests and weapons finds. By the summer of 1988, the IRA was suspicious. The Special Branch reported that Scappaticci was going to lead an IRA investigation into "every job Joe Fenton has been involved in over the years" to establish whether or not he was a British agent. I understand that Fenton was summoned to see Scappaticci here at Sinn Fein's Advice Centre in Belfast's Lower Falls. When Fenton emerged, he was dishevelled and he told a relative, "If I go missing, call a priest." Six months later, Scappaticci sent for him again. On the Saturday morning, he told his wife that he was going on a message. It turned out that he was going to a house in Lenadoon in West Belfast, where he met a number of people, including Fred Scappaticci. And as it turns out, that was the last time that he saw his wife. The owner of the house in Lenadoon was a Republican sympathiser. He had been approached by the IRA and asked would he make his house available for an interrogation, which he agreed to do. He provided a bedroom for them upstairs in his house. Waiting to interrogate Fenton was Scappaticci. Scappaticci was once secretly recorded explaining his technique for extracting confessions. The homeowner later described the scene to police. You could hear banging, fighting, and a lot of violence for a long time. Fenton had put up one hell of a fight before everything went quiet. Presumably he'd been maybe gagged, bound, whatever. Fenton was kept for another day after Scappaticci had broken him into confessing he was a Special Branch agent. At 7pm, Fenton was led outside. Approaching a footpath, he made a desperate run for it. His executioner fired a shot that hit him in the back... ..then held him down and shot him three times in the head. I understand that Scappaticci had told his handlers that he was going to interrogate Joe Fenton again and warned them, "He won't survive this one." Well, if that's the case, and if that's correct, the obligation on the part of handlers or whoever else was more than a moral obligation to look after the life of that individual, it went beyond that. And if that's the case and there was prior knowledge, and nothing was done to intervene, well, that veers into the realms of criminal liability. Do you know why Joe Fenton's life was not saved? I'm not going to speak about specific cases. That is one of the murders that we are investigating, that's within the terms of reference of Operation Kenova, but I'm not going to be able to discuss at this stage the issues around that particular death. While the Army's Force Research Unit, the FRU, were responsible for Stakeknife, the Police Special Branch were responsible for Joe Fenton. Two British intelligence agencies with two different priorities. Did Stakeknife's intelligence take precedence? I understand that when the Special Branch received his intelligence, the Army usually required this caveat, "No action to be taken without direct reference to FRU." FRU sources have told me that Stakeknife was providing a continuous flow of intelligence that was saving many other lives. Does that become a factor? In terms of your analysis, you know, is there going to be a greater loss of life coming down the line? It really is a moral maze and a moral conundrum as to how you actually balance out. There must have been occasions when members of the intelligence services had to play God. You had to decide which life you were going to save. Did you confront those decisions, sort of decisions? Those decisions were there. Thankfully they were, as it were, rare. But in the one or two circumstances that, as I say, that I do have a recollection of, as I say, we did our utmost. And that's the question for Kenova - did the intelligence services always do their utmost for all their agents? We need to understand what was the rationale and decision-making of one person being allowed to die in order, potentially, if this was the case, that another person can live. What do you say to those people now investigating the past who weren't confronted with the sort of moral dilemmas you've outlined? First thing is, consider yourself lucky that you didn't have the decisions to make. Ten months after Joe Fenton's death, Scappaticci was back at the same house interrogating another Special Branch agent, Sandy Lynch. It was January 1990. Lynch later described his ordeal to the police. I heard a voice, who I believed to be Scappaticci. And then he said, "Do you know who I am, Sandy?" And I said, "Yes." He said, "I don't give two fucks "because, where you're going, you'll not be telling no-one." Scappaticci told Lynch he'd end up dead, like Fenton, if he didn't confess. He said, if he had his way, I would get a jab up the arse and waken up in God's country, hung upside down in a cow shed, that he'd skin me alive and that no-one would hear me squealing. As with Fenton, Scappaticci warned his Army handlers there was to be an execution. But unlike Fenton, this time, the cavalry was sent in. As dusk gathered, security forces rescued Lynch and arrested five IRA men holding him. What state was he in when you got to interview him? He was exhausted. He hadn't been fed. His eyes were... He'd been blindfolded for almost all of the time. Do you think the IRA did intend to shoot him? I've absolutely no doubt about that. The unanswered question is why this time was the cavalry sent in, when, just as before with Fenton, there was a direct risk to Stakeknife's cover? All we do know is that, three months previously, an English policeman had been called over to Belfast to investigate the undercover war. John Stevens was then Deputy Chief Constable of Cambridgeshire. Mr Stevens, can you tell us how your enquiry is going at the moment? Well, I was called over here to do a totally independent, impartial enquiry into criminal allegations, and it's progressing pretty well at the present time. When do you expect to...? The Army tried to put Stevens off the scent. Did you know that military intelligence ran agents? No, we were told the opposite when we first went into Northern Ireland, we were told that the Army did not run any agents whatsoever. - That was a flat lie? - Yes. Stevens' officers were finalising plans for a key arrest when Lynch was rescued. Do you think there might be a relationship between the fact that, just as you were about to make an arrest, the intelligence services put on a showcase performance by rescuing Sandy Lynch? I wouldn't like to speculate on that. But all you can say is, when our activities took place, there was a certain amount of panic going on in the intelligence community, that's for sure. That panic was the start of multiple attempts by elements of the security services to cover Stakeknife's tracks. When detectives searched the house, they found Scappaticci's fingerprints on the battery of a device he'd used to check if Lynch was wearing a bug. So Scappaticci then went on your wanted list? He went on the wanted list and disappeared from public view. I'm told Scappaticci fled across the border to a Dublin suburb. He was facing up to eight years in jail. When you issued the warrant for Freddie Scappaticci's arrest... - Yeah. - ..were you told by the Special Branch or any of the intelligence agencies that he was in fact a British agent? No. There was, however, one very senior police officer who did know all about Stakeknife. Now he rode to the Army's rescue. According to an Army report which I gather has been discovered, this police officer suggested that Scappaticci should concoct an alibi. So he sent a message to the joint owner of the house where Lynch had been held, asking her if she would be prepared to say that he'd been in her house doing electrical work. She agreed. False alibi now in place, Scappaticci headed home, back to Belfast. He was promptly arrested and taken to Castlereagh interrogation centre. To my surprise, he actually spoke. He denied being involved in the Lynch kidnapping and interrogation, and he accounted for this thumbprint being there and he said, "Well, I did electrical work." Without the alibi, would you have charged...? Yeah, Scappaticci would've been charged, yes. Detectives investigating Nutting Squad murders might also have been able to charge the gunmen, had they known their names, but this intelligence was often withheld... ..even though there were some 30 executions during Scappaticci's time. Well, what we're talking about here are almost parallel processes. We have one in which there is a police investigation, but all along there is an entirely secret dimension to these events. Now, that drives a coach and horses through the rule of law. That means that those who carried out these murders were not properly investigated or brought to justice. So, for me, that is an appalling vista. Within the IRA's high command, the rescue of Sandy Lynch had aroused deep suspicion of a traitor in their midst. Scappaticci was a prime suspect. I understand his position in the security unit was reviewed by Spike Murray, the IRA's most senior man in Belfast. Scappaticci was removed. - Why wasn't he shot? - He was too big to fail. They could not expose the fact to their volunteers that the guy who was tasked by the leadership with protecting the volunteers and security of the IRA was doing anything but. I also think that... So there was a self-interest on the part of the IRA in not exposing him and not shooting him, because it would have invited an awful lot of questions to the IRA and to the leadership that had held him in place for so long. Out of power, Scappaticci took his revenge. In August 1993, ITV broadcast an expose about the head of the IRA's Northern Command. 'The man who controls the IRA, James Martin McGuinness.' The next day, Scappaticci arranged to meet the programme makers. Calling himself Jack, he met them in the car park at this hotel just outside Belfast. He arrived in a very crisp, newly-ironed white shirt and dark slacks. He's very self-assured, stocky, short, dark hair, receding hair. Scappaticci then vented his anger on the senior IRA members who were blocking his return to the IRA, including Martin McGuinness, who's recently died. Asked how he knew all this, Scappaticci gave this wistful response. We asked him how he felt about now not being at the heart of things and he said, "There's more to life than killing." You asked him if he'd actually ever killed anyone and what was his reaction? He was evasive and we were all under the impression that he clearly had. When the Special Branch learned who Jack was, they told the journalists, if they broadcast his voice, he'd be shot - so they didn't. And there, Scappaticci's secret life might have stayed secret, but for a former member of the Army's Force Research Unit. Ian Hurst left the FRU in 1990. Nine years later, inspired, so he says, by a new moral imperative, he told the Sunday Times the British had a major agent codenamed Stakeknife. I didn't join the Intelligence Corps... ..to conspire to commit criminal offences. Nobody has that dispensation, nobody has a licence to kill. Meaning? Meaning, I suppose, the greater good, which is the old adage of, you know, you lose one life but you save a hundred. It was 1999 and John Stevens was back, investigating the undercover war. Hurst was interviewed by Stevens, who later sought access to Stakeknife's files from Army headquarters, Northern Ireland. The documentation was a limited amount of documentation. Most of the documents had actually been destroyed, the army said, through normal, regular procedures of getting rid of documentation which they didn't need. Mmm. Do you believe that? Well, that's what they said and I don't know. In 2003, Hurst upped the ante. Now, he leaked Stakeknife's real identity to the newspapers. Scappaticci was spirited out of Belfast and flown to England, where I gather MI5 offered him protective security, which he declined, confident he could bluff it out. He calculated that the IRA had every reason to support him if he denied he was a spy... ..and he was right. The IRA and Freddie Scappaticci at that time had a mutual dependence on each other and a mutual interest in this story not coming out, and in this story being rubbished. Scappaticci flew back to Belfast - there he sought a meeting with the IRA leadership. They came to an understanding. This led to a call to a BBC correspondent. At the time, it all seemed a bit last-minute, spontaneous. I went to West Belfast. That's when I met Freddie Scappaticci. He gave me a bit of a glance and a bit of a look. Scappaticci portrayed himself as an ordinary citizen, so insulted by the slur that he was a spy, he'd no choice but to go to a solicitor. My statement basically is that I am Freddie Scappaticci, I'm sitting here today with my solicitor. I'm telling you I'm not guilty of any of these allegations. And I suppose my thinking about that now, there was no sense of nervousness in his voice because he's delivering a prepared script that he knows people are on board for. Why do you think this label Stakeknife has been attached to you? I don't know. And just one final question, were you at any stage a member of the IRA and involved in the Republican movement? Erm... I was involved in the Republican movement... ..13 years ago. But I have no involvement... this past 13 years. - And what about the allegations...? - Sorry. That's us finished. That's us finished. You got three. The British Army's master spy had put on a bravura performance. Just one thing I would like... No, turn the camera off, please. But then his performance had been choreographed by the IRA from start to finish. I'm told the IRA's head of intelligence was watching from across the street. I think it wasn't about saving Freddie Scappaticci's life. I think it was about saving the skin of the IRA's reputation. Normality had returned to Northern Ireland. The IRA claimed to have fought the British to an honourable draw, instead of being pushed into peace, paralysed by the penetration of agents like Stakeknife. They were lauding their peace process as a serious victory and now we're seeing that the man who helped make the peace process possible was none other than Freddie Scappaticci, a senior British agent at the heart of the IRA. As for Scappaticci, his chutzpah knew no bounds. Now he demanded ministers deny he was Stakeknife, but the government wasn't about to end a decades-long convention. Further comment was made about the question of Stakeknife. Honourable members of the house will not be surprised if I say that I will not comment on intelligence matters. So Scappaticci took the government to court. He lost. But, crucially, I understand he told a lie by swearing on oath an affidavit to say he was not Stakeknife. And then Scappaticci's nemesis returned, demanding the police investigate him for perjury. What was their initial reaction? Indifference... ..bordering on incredulity... ..which culminated in, once put under pressure to come to a decision, which took an almighty amount of time, quote-unquote it was "uninvestigatable". How an allegation - because that's what it is, it's only an allegation of perjury - is "uninvestigatable" is beyond my comprehension. It either is a fact or it isn't. Reluctantly, the police conducted an enquiry, which I'm told was cursory. In 2007, they sent a file to the Northern Ireland Director of Public Prosecutions. The DPP decided not to prosecute Scappaticci for perjury on the grounds that, even if he had lied to the High Court, he'd genuinely feared for his life, leaving him no choice but to lie. And yet Scappaticci had voluntarily returned to Belfast to do a deal with the IRA and he'd rejected MI5's offer of protective custody. In 2015, the new DPP, Barra McGrory QC, also seems to have noted a contradiction. I have serious concerns in relation to this decision. I understand a senior lawyer involved in taking that decision was the DPP's deputy, Pamela Atchison. She's no longer at her desk. But can you say at least why your deputy director, as I understand it, has been on gardening leave now for some months? That's not appropriate for me to discuss the deputy director's personnel issues. In essence, is your concern that there was a yet further attempt to protect this agent? Well, that is the subject of a specific criminal investigation, or a specific aspect of the ongoing criminal investigation, so I think it would not be proper for me to engage in discussion on that. Much has been written about previous enquiries into the Northern Ireland conflict, but none of these enquiries pose a threat to as many vested interests as Operation Kenova. It goes beyond Stakeknife, military intelligence, and even the Prosecution Service, to those charged with the defence of the realm. When the commanding officer of the Force Research Unit, the military intelligence unit that ran Stakeknife, was interviewed by the police, I gather he replied testily, "Why are you interviewing me? "MI5 was the recipient of our intelligence. "We collected intelligence for MI5. "They're the people you should be speaking to." Kenova also extends to those IRA leaders said to have authorised the executions, some of whom are now senior politicians here. If there's any group that might be uncomfortable with this investigation it is the IRA because, if there's an agent engaged in a series of murders, then it was the IRA who sent him out to do them. That is why this case disturbs me so greatly, is because there was a potential complete corruption of the judicial and legal process insofar as investigations, prosecutions and trials were concerned. I think Scappaticci has the potential to pull the roof down... ..on all sorts of people, whether at the top of the Republican leadership or whether within the intelligence community and beyond. And I'll be amazed if we get to that point. Because? Because it's too damaging for too many people. We'd like to have put the allegations in this programme to Freddie Scappaticci, but a court order prevents us from even approaching him. The charge against the state is that blind eyes have been turned to multiple murder, including fellow agents of the state. So to whom will the state now give its ultimate allegiance - agent 6126 or those he prepared for death? male narrator: Earth. A planet inhabited mostly by termites and mold, but there are also humans. God damn it! - Oh, sorry, sorry. - Is that a camera? narrator: The mating ritual of the human is a mind-boggling dance. First, the male chooses a mate who is much more intelligent and attractive than he is. Then he begins to obsess over her, consulting her Facebook page up to 50 times a day, often pleasuring himself to her likeness to the point of exhaustion. Months can pass with no word from the mate. - [cell phone vibrates] - Then, suddenly... - Linda? - narrator: She will - make contact. - No, no, it's not a problem. I'm right nearby. I'll be right there. narrator: Usually when she needs help moving large objects. Or when somebody else has canceled their plans with her last-minute. Somewhere in this complex dance, procreation occurs. Well, I got a lot of notes. For starters, I think we need ten more frames of Jeff jerking off to help with the pacing. - And the soundtrack... - Come on! I'm exhausted. Why are we working on this so hard? Because our boss is coming. Guys, this is our chance to get promotions and move on. And then we never have to hang out with these dirty humans again. - But I love humans. - Yeah, yeah. They're fine. But you know what I'm saying. Come on, guys. You underestimate humans. They're dignified and intelligent and... Guys, I found a crack in the system. Check it out: they call it dog food, but really, it's just super cheap meat that never goes bad. We're talking lamb, sweet potato, and beef! For $1.29! ♪ Three aliens came from the sky ♪ ♪ The Galactic Council sent them ♪ all: ♪ And here's the reason why ♪ ♪ Their mission is to study ♪ ♪ Earth's most average guy ♪ all: ♪ To see if humans are worth saving ♪ ♪ Or if everyone has to die ♪ Wait... what? ♪ ♪ - Linda. - Hey, everyone. This is Jeff. He was nice enough to be my last-minute plus one when Lindsey bailed on me. Ha, yeah, I just had to move some things around. I have this iffy mole on my back that they wanted to get rid of, but they have another opening in eight months, so it should be fine. Anyways, once I approve the cover proofs for the French and Danish translations, my memoir is officially finished. - Yay! - So I suppose you could say - things are pretty busy. - all: Oh, busy's good. - You gotta stay busy. - Busy's good. Of course, compared to Chet, I'm basically doing nothing. Oh, that's right. What is this I hear about them building a statue of you in a Chinese village? It's actually in northern Laos. I mean, all I did was go over there and open a couple of button factories with my dad and now they call me "fu sen yai." The savior. [laughs] It's not really a big deal to me. That is amazing. What about you, Jeff? - What do you do? - Uh, have you heard of - Smoothie Prince? - Wow! That's your company? No, no, no. I... I just sell them. Oh, so you're the head of the marketing department. - Hey, still a great gig. - No, no, I, uh... I sell them at the mall. It's so cool. I can drink all the free smoothies I want. Just don't tell my boss. [laughs] - Cool. - Yes. "Busy's good"? [chuckles] Next time, give me a heads up before you take me to a fascist rally. I'll bring some books to burn! [laughs] Come on, Jeff. They're just being ambitious. I mean, don't you have any goals for your life? Of course I do. I want you to be my girlfriend again. I don't know if you remember this, but when we were together, all we did was sit on the couch and get high all day. I know. Wasn't it amazing? Yeah, it was fun when we were kids in our early 20s. But we're in our mid-20s now. I need to be with somebody who's mature and pushing himself to do big things. Big things? I can do big things. But, like, how big? Are we talking, like, go to medical school or, like, you know, smoke a little less weed? Wh-what are the parameters here? You know what? Don't worry about it. I'll figure it out. Can I have a blueberry blitz, please? Absolutely, sir. Are you interested in a free protein boost today? Uh, sure. Luke, he said yes! He said yes! - [laughs] Okay. yeah. - Okay, okay. - Okay, quick, quick, quick. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no. We don't play "Protein Surprise" around here anymore. From now on, we're only gonna do big things. What are you talking about? This is your favorite game ever. - Yeah, dude. - You said, and I quote, "Watching a customer unknowingly drink my [bleep] is one of life's greatest joys." - Beautiful quote. - Hey, you know what? I think I'm gonna go somewhere else. Okay, well, I don't say things like that anymore. The new Jeff says things like: let's push ourselves to do our very best work today. And work really hard. Man, new Jeff sucks. ♪ ♪ narrator: They are majestic. They are marvelous. They are dazzling. They are humans. What'd you think? - Well, you're all fired. - Wait, no! I can't believe we spent 7 million orbs on this mission. Sir, please. Humans are magical, special creatures. - They deserve to be... - Look, I know a loser planet when I see one, okay? Let's just cut our losses and vaporize this place. - [humming tone] - I'm out! - Got my smooth... - Ah! Damn it! All right, who the hell is this? I told you guys, there's already four of us sharing one bathroom. There's no room for any more. [slurps] Ugh. - [slurping, laughing] - Oh! Oh! Stop it! Stop it! - Oh! - Ho-holy shit! Now, this is something I can work with! It's like, I blow up planets every day and now I'm thinking, what if those other places had some awesome shit that we blew up and now I'll never know and... how did you not - know about this? - I mean, we've just been too busy, you know? We've been too busy working on the film, and that's the thing about film: there's so many different aspects to it. There's the music, the editing, the acting. Totally! Dude, dude! I love hanging out with artists; it's so inspiring. You know what? You know what, I'm gonna tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna put on a show! And you're gonna direct it. Me? I'm gonna direct it? And I'm gonna give you full artistic license... Guys, guys, guys! Okay, I'm glad you like the smoothies, - but it's getting kinda late. - Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff! I want to offer you an opportunity so incredible, so momentous that only an idiot would turn it down. Okay. I'm listening. If you give us more of these smoothies, we'll usher your whole planet into a new era of progress, culture, and technology beyond your wildest dreams. And you, Jeff, you will be the man who made it all happen. What do you think? Sounds pretty good, huh? Wow, that sounds like I'd definitely be doing something big with my life, right? Are you thinking about chicks right now? 'Cause yeah, you're gonna get a whole lot of ass, my friend. Not to mention [bleep] and mouth. Okay, all right, dude. Take it easy. Okay? I... I'm in. I'm in. Just more for the advancements and stuff to help the Earth. Hey, Linda, have you ever heard of the Bechdel Test? Yeah, it's that test of either a movie or TV show has at least two women who talk to each other about something other than a man. And it is shocking how many shows fail it. Anyway, Jeff just has no ambition. And it's really too bad, because he's a great guy. Oh, come on. He's a deadbeat. We interrupt this broadcast for news of global importance. - What? - Today, history was made. A hand has reached out to us from the cosmos. Oh, my God. And one man was there to accept it. One man has ushered us into a new age. - What? - And that man is Jeff Mahoney. Hey, everybody! No [bleep] way. Thank you, thank you so much. This is a really exciting day for Earth. - [cheering] - Now, I know some people write their memoirs when they're in their 20s or use their dad's money to start bullshit button companies, but I wanted to do something really big with my life! [cheering] [big band music] ♪ ♪ Oh, and I've gotta give another speech to the U.N. on Thursday, and I gotta pose for another statue on Friday. I mean, I've just been crazy busy. all: Busy's good. I gotta say, you're a lucky lady. Oh, uh, thank you. Did you just say thank you? Does that mean that we're going out? I mean, that's what you mean, right? Let's not talk about this right now, okay? There's no other way to interpret that. - Thank you, Mr. President. - [clicks tongue] What's up, you beautiful smoothie-making primates? Are you ready to reap the benefits of an interplanetary deregulated Zargonian trade system? - Whoo! - all: Huh? I'm talking about giving you guys a bunch of cool alien shit! [cheers and applause] [upbeat electronic music] [cheering] ♪ ♪ [all exclaim] Business is booming, thanks to the massive surge in smoothie production. Let's face it, people. Things have never been better! Mmm, this roast znorg is to die for! Do you ever wonder if this is all too good to be true? Linda, please, if it was possible for things to be too good to be true, you wouldn't exist, okay? Oh, I'm sorry, sir. We are no longer accepting any human currencies. You'll have to pay in Azurian orbs. Orbs? Where the hell am I supposed to get those? [ominous music] ♪ ♪ all: Huh? ♪ ♪ My fellow humans, it is now clear: we've been had. Last night, while our generals drank Azurian wine and danced at galas, the aliens stole all our weapons. The once-proud human race has been turned into a bunch of smoothie drones. It's only a matter of time before our airwaves are taken away from us and we are all... Are you an Azurian visiting Earth? Well, why not put some roots down and take advantage of this business friendly paradise? I just bought this beachfront property for only three orbs. - Earth rules! - You can't do this! I've lived here for 30 years! Oh, my God, Linda. You were so right. It was too good to be true. You're so intuitive. I guess the one good thing to come out of all of this is that we can face it all together, - now that we're a couple, and... - We're not a couple, Jeff. What is the matter with you? You destroyed the whole planet. I never wanna see you again. - Linda, wait! - Don't have plans on Saturday? Come see "Smoothie Planet: The Musical," and prepare to be dazzled by directing genius, Sammy. Sammy. Are you sure, Jeff? You're willing to give us - your entire planet? - Sure, I'll do anything for Linda's ass, [bleep], and mouth. And that is how the greatest business deal in the history of the galaxy was concluded. That is not how it happened! - Jeff! What are you doing here? - We're still in rehearsals. - We're not ready for the critics. - All right, buddy, look. It was great having you guys here on Earth, okay? Lots of great stuff came out of it. I love the znorg but, uh, I think it's time for you guys to pack up and go home, okay? [laughing] Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. I'm sure you humans will get used to this new advanced way of life. Yeah, uh, guess I'm not being clear here. I want you... - Shut up! - [all gasp] Do you have any idea how easily I can kill every single human there is? This planet is ours now! Now get the [bleep] out of here before I rip the skin off your face. [laughs] Sorry, guys. I think I need another smoothie. I'm gonna get another smoothie. You guys good? You want one? You want another smoothie? What the heck was that? Oh, come on. He's just a passionate guy. We should go find Jeff and help him get his planet back. Guys, guys, guys. Do you realize the opportunity you have here? 'Cause I don't think you do. You'll be able to tell people that you assisted me on the greatest work of my life. If that's not a dream you can get behind, well, then yeah, maybe you should walk out that door right now. - Jeff! - Jeff, where are you? [both gasp] [dramatic music] - _ - [gunshots in distance] ♪ ♪ [babies crying] Are you sure it's safe over here? This is where you gotta go to get the illest, most authentic Earth foods. Like, they got this one dish where they mix protein and carbohydrates. It's insane. What have we done? [crying] - Holy shit, it's Jeff. - Huh? Dude, where have you been? Do you have any idea how famous you are? Even my mom hates you. She's right to hate me. [cries] This time I really [bleep] up. I really did. I really [bleep] it good. - I did, I did. - Oh, man. I've never seen Jeff this bummed out. I wish there was something we could do. Hey, airhead, get me a blueberry blast. That's it. Can I interest you in a free protein boost today, sir? Just make it fast; I haven't had a smoothie in 20 minutes. Jeff, you ready to get hella cheered up? [both giggling] Huh? Here you go, sir. - [slurps] - [muttering] Stupid. Jeff, Jeff! You're missing it. Hey, wait a second, this tastes kinda fun... - [explosion] - Whoa! Oh, my God! [laughs] I think we just figured out how to save the world! The uprising meets over here. Are you sure there's gonna be a lot of virile young men here? Geez, Jeff, will you stop asking that? [indistinct conversations] Brothers and sisters of the uprising... - Linda? - We must put aside our distrust and welcome our two newest members. [all gasping] Do not be afraid. We support your cause... hey, is that Jeff? - Hey, buddy! - No, no, no, guys, no. Holy shit, it's Jeff Mahoney! - Get him! - Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait! Can't we just talk for one second like mature, rational adults? Stop! Okay, Jeff. This better be good. Okay, so... I just jizzed in this smoothie. [all exclaim disgustedly] Jesus, Jeff. And you didn't let me finish. We discovered that's how we can fight back. It kills the aliens. I know it sounds insane, okay? It must have something to do with the protein or something. I don't know. I'm not a scientist. But if you just let me feed it to your captive here. What? No, no, no, no. Can you just waterboard me or something? Oh, I can't believe I ever thought you'd grow up. Just... just take him away. Linda, ugh, please! [grunts] - Get him! Get him! - [crowd murmuring] - Ah! - [all gasp] Well, I hope you're happy with yourself, be... [explosion] See? See? Jeff, you crazy, beautiful, genius. [triumphant music] Warriors of the uprising, when darkness falls upon us, that is when light is needed most. And today, we will show them all that the eternal flame of humanity burns brighter than they ever could have dreamed! [all cheering] And what I mean by that is we all need to jizz in this truck at least seven times each. [intense music] [zippers zipping] [grunting, breathing heavily] [both moan] Sammy's planning a huge finale for his show. He's gonna spray smoothie all over the audience. The smoothie vat's right here. And that's where we put the poisonous ding dong juice. What do you think, Linda? Wanna join me for a night at the theater? [orchestral music] Ooh. ♪ ♪ Before I came to Earth, there was nothing on this planet. Nothing at all. [crashing] [intense music] We must be leaking. We can't stop. There's no time. I got this. If I fall, you go on without me. I love you, Linda. ♪ ♪ [grunts] [sighs] [crashing] God damn it! Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh. ♪ ♪ [crash] - Through here. - Great, great. Let's just hurry this up so we can all get back and take showers and stuff. [overlapping voice exercises] - [all exclaim] - You're not supposed to - be back here. - [explosions] Oh, oh, God. ♪ Now your human lives have meaning ♪ ♪ You make smoothies every day ♪ ♪ Do you ever miss the way things were? ♪ - No, sir. - Uh-uh. No way. [light instrumental music] - Now! - [hose squeaks] - [all gasp] - No! It must have - all leaked out. - What are we gonna do? I'd say we need at least 15 loads for this to work. And that's a conservative estimate. But that's impossible! No, it's not. [zipper zips] - [grunting] - Jeff. - [grunts] - That's one. I just really hope that when this is all over, people will remember that there was a lot more to this fight than just jizzing in smoothies. This was about oppression and imperialism, and the interplay... [moans] That's two. ♪ Thank God for aliens ♪ ♪ Thank God for aliens ♪ ♪ They made our lives worth living ♪ [sniffs] [groans] - Five. - You can do it, Jeff. ♪ I believe that God is a man in the sky ♪ ♪ I believe that God has elephant eyes ♪ ♪ Well, you're all wrong ♪ ♪ God is an alien named Zothrax ♪ - Ohh! - 13! Ah, I can't. I think that might be all I've got in me. I believe in you, Jeff. [gasps] Oh, God. I forgot how amazing these feel. [grunts] Uh, uh, uh. - 14! - [moaning] - Ooh! - 15! - Yay! - You did it, Jeff! - You did it! You... - [moaning] 16? Nice. All right everybody, all right. We're just about at the end of the show here. But what I wanna know is how many of you wanna try a smoothie right now? [all agreeing] I can't hear you! [whooshing] [splattering] Bravo! Bravo! This is what I love about the theater. - It has an energy... - [booming] What the [bleep] was that? I don't know, man. But I'm never touching this devil juice again. I'm getting the hell out of here! Aw, now there's no way I can put this show on my resume. [heroic music] ♪ ♪ Whoo! Let's go home and make love right now. That sounds great, but, uh, let's pencil that in for, like, two or three weeks from now. [crashing] That was the last symbol left of our oppressors! [crowd cheering] Finally, we can return to a world where we're all treated as equals. Ignacio, Jorge, you guys are gonna take this stuff to the dump, okay? Gracias. narrator: And finally, after years of fruitless efforts, the male and the female come together as one. He puts on his favorite mood song. - The passion is intense. - Oh, yeah! narrator: And when it is over... Oh, Linda! narrator: The male will check in with his mate. That was amazing. Was it good for you? narrator: And even though she is far from satisfied, the male will never know. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. - It was great. - Wow. That's so noble and selfless of her. Humans are magical creatures, sir. - I've always said that. - Yeah, I mean, they're a lot more dignified than I initially thought. Ugh, man. Wish we could keep studying them. But they know all about us now. We really goofed up this mission, didn't we, boys? I have an idea for how to get things back to how they were. But it's pretty lame. Lemme guess, is it to erase their memories? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking that too. I hate to use this old device. - [reggae music] - [water bubbling] - [exhales] - [coughs] Ohh, man. This is all I ever wanted. I can't believe I got what I wanted. This never happens to me. This literally... - [whooshing] - Ahh! Well, here we are again, Jeff. Sitting on the couch, getting high, listening to shitty reggae. Don't you ever want more out of life, Jeff? Don't you ever dream about doing big things? Big things, huh? What kinda big things? [speaking French] _ [whooshing] Hey! [speaking French] _ - Huh? - [speaking French] _ - [speaking French] _ - [crowd cheering] Cut. Previously on Switched at Birth... - You need to leave. - Get out of my face. Toby: Hey... Oh, I get it. Is Helen Keller, over here, - why you're so mad? - What is your... - Listen here, you... - No, Toby! (gasps) You must go to school with Travis? Yeah, I go to Carlton. Oh, you talk! Great! Turn around, put your hands on your head, now. You're hurting my pitching arm! Daphne: Nosebleeds plus that bruise... I think someone on the baseball team is using steroids. I'm using because a cop tried to arrest me, and he strained my rotator cuff. My dad's gonna yell and lecture, and that's it. Your mom ordered a mandatory drug test for the whole team. My life is over! (laughs) What happened here? A little bit? When I went to bed, this place was a disaster zone. Now you could eat off the floor. (sighs) God, I love you. And to prove it, I'm gonna take you out for dinner tonight. With my salary, of course, it's gonna be the food truck of your choice. I thought Melody was out of town. (sighs) Wow, I didn't know that you two had been talking. That's great. Oh! Travis! Are you kidding? I would love to meet your mom. (phone vibrates) The health center? Good. Have a seat, thank you. That's him, yeah. Hey, man. Good. Thank you very much. Uh, yes. Uh, a random drug test. So, check him in. And just, uh, grab a seat. We couldn't do nothing. I'm hoping you're wrong about all this. Ah, hi. Dr. Taylor, this is my daughter Daphne. She is a student volunteer. She'll be checking in all of the athletes. - Nice to meet you. - Likewise. Dr. Taylor is from True Quest Labs. He'll be administering the test to all of the sports teams in the next two days. What I'll need from you is pretty simple. After you log in the players, just mark and track their samples prior to my testing. It's a lot of athletes, so we need to stay organized. - Okay? - Got it. Are all of the baseball players accounted for? - John: Uh, I... - It looks like everyone - except Chris Walker. - Ooh, Chris? He called me. He's been throwing up. I think he's got, you know, stomach flu. Then he won't mind coming to the health center. He's got 48 hours. - Okay? - Okay. Bye. Chris. Stomach flu? Really? Trust me, I feel pretty sick to my stomach right now. So you just skipped the test? What are you thinking? What I was thinking is that if I walked in there this morning, - I would have failed. - You should have thought of that before you started taking steroids. Look, I stopped taking them, okay? I know what I did was wrong. The problem is... the drugs won't be out of my system for a week. - I just need time. - Well, you don't have any. If you don't take the test in the next 48 hours, you're gonna be in huge trouble. They're gonna kick you off the team. Forty-eight hours? How do you know that? I work in the health center, remember? Of course. You can help me. - Chris... - You know why I did what I did. It's because of the injury, because of what that cop did to me. If I fail this test, I will never get a look with the Royals. My baseball career will be over. I can't get you out of taking the test. It doesn't work like that. That's not what I'm saying. I need you to help me cheat. (theme music plays) Come in. Shut the door. Hey, how's your hand? Okay? When you hit Aidan McManus? Damn it, Travis! How many times do we got to do this? I had to bench you last month for fighting with your own teammate. Aidan's filed a complaint with the athletic department. It doesn't matter. You're aware of the UMKC code of conduct, right? That may be, but violence is never the answer. Now, John is your coach. I'm gonna let him decide what to do with you. Two weekends, campus work detail. Okay, do you want three? Okay. You can go. (sighs) You know, Toby saw the whole thing. That kid, he was walking around calling people retarded. - I probably would've hit him myself. - (scoffs) Yeah. - Well, at least it's over now, right? - I'm not so sure. Aidan McManus is the son of Leonard McManus. - The lawyer? - The ambulance chaser. I've seen that guy's TV commercials: He called my office. He wants to set a meeting. So are we talking, like, Fort Knox level of impenetrability or more like a glorified nanny-cam situation? Um, somewhere in between. Uh, there's been a few break-ins in the neighborhood lately. When I started this business, I had a big muscle-bound partner in Eric, but now that it's just me, a security system would make me feel a little safer. What about your bad-ass Special Forces boyfriend? He's in Cabo right now with his Army buddies. - That's why I asked you. - Well, I think I found the perfect system. I can install it tomorrow, but it's gonna take me the better part of the day. Plus, it's gonna get kind of noisy and dusty in here. Well... (sighs). I've been postponing inventory for weeks now. So I could just close up and - kill two birds with one stone. - Let's do it. I'm gonna owe you like a lifetime of coffee. - Hey. - Hey. So did you think about what I said? I'm not gonna help you cheat. (door closes) But if you've stopped taking the drug, there's a chance I could help you pass the test. What drug were you taking? Colibuterol. - In what dose? - 75 micro-grams, once a day. - And you weigh? - 190. - Time of your last dose? - Uh, three days ago, around 9:00 a.m. It'll be tight and I can't guarantee a hundred percent that this will work, but there's a chance. - You just have to do exactly what I say. - Yeah, yeah, anything. (knock on door) - Hey! - Hi, come in, come on in. Oh, hi, honey. Oh. - And you must be Bay. - I am! - Hi! - Hi! Oh, it is so nice to meet you. - I made artichoke dip. - Oh, I love artichoke dip. Um, gosh... I am so happy that you made it. I... I wanted to meet the girl that my son went all the way to China for. (laughs) This is China. China. - Got it. - That was perfect. (both laugh) He says your signing's great. Thanks. But I am glad that you're here. It just makes it easier. Hmm. Hey! They're here! Oh, I've got a surprise for you. Eddie's here. This is my brother. Travis's favorite uncle. Travis. Good to see you, pal. Karen: Eddie, this is Bay. - This is Travis's girlfriend. - Eddie: Wow! (sighs) - I always knew this kid had good taste. - Mm-hmm. - Uh, I hope you don't mind me crashing dinner. - Oh, of course not. - The more, the merrier. - Should we open a bottle of wine? - Celebrate the reunion? - Karen: Uh, yeah. Come on, I'll find one and... you guys just make yourselves comfortable. Wow, your mom is so sweet. Are you okay? Karen: Hey, come on over, guys! I made Travis's favorite. - It's honey-baked chicken. - Bay: Just one second. Phew! - Girl, you can run. - (laughs) I'm more of a "walk out to the mound... " "... and do my thing" kind of guy. Well, this is all about speeding up your metabolism. Those two gallons of water I had you drink, we need you to sweat all of that out, and then we'll replenish your vitamin levels - to normalize your glucose readings. - Man, you really know your stuff. Ah, it's just basic human physiology. Today's about flushing your system, and tomorrow we build it back up. We need to boost your creatine levels, so that means lots of red meat. Well, that I got. I know where to find the best barbecue in Kansas City. You're gonna love it. - Actually, I'm a vegetarian. - Seriously? Uh, okay, then, uh, you'll just have to make do - with the best okra and baked beans ever. - Sounds perfect. - Hi. - On me, of course. I will have an extra large mango and whatever this beautiful, young genius is having. (Karen and Eddie laughing) Eddie: Do you remember when he ate an entire jar of peanut butter in one sitting? Oh, he was like a human garbage disposal back then. (Eddie sighs) He was such a troublemaker. Karen, you have to see him pitch. He's amazing. Oh, I'd love to come see a game. Uh, well, you can't though, 'cause the season's over. Oh, this is so nice, just - having us all together again. - Eddie: Yeah. Karen: My relationship with, uh, Travis's dad, it was always, um... a little rocky. And Eddie was more of a father to Travis than my ex was. Now, let's not insult the kid's dad. Oh, you're right. You're right. But we were always so grateful that you were there for us. He used to come visit every Christmas, and he would always bring Travis those model-airplane kits. And you guys would put them together in the garage. Do you remember that, honey? Did you ask him if he remembered that? Hey, honey. Are you okay? Hey, you haven't touched your food. You know what? If you don't... If you don't like the chicken, I can make you something else. Um, you know what? It's getting late, actually. We should go. But I made Mississippi mud for dessert. It's just I have to wake up at the, uh, crack of dawn for work tomorrow, so, uh... - At a tattoo parlor? - Uh, yeah, you'd be surprised how many people want to get inked first thing in the morning. Oh, okay. Travis? Stop. It... It was great to meet you. You too. Bye, honey. (door opens) (door closes) Leonard, I am so glad you came by. I wanted to thank you in person. We used your last donation to re-turf the entire football field. Ah, I'm so glad. I had some of the best memories of my life on that field. Yes, and I wanted to tell you how sorry we are about what happened to Aidan. We are disciplining the player in question. We've given him two consecutive weekends on work detail and a serious reprimand. I hardly think that's enough punishment - for a guy who attacked my son. - Attack? I think that's a bit of an overstatement. Do you? This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that your daughter happens to be dating - the player in question, would it? - Not at all. I think it's a fair punishment. His jaw is broken. Really? His mouth is wired shut. He won't be able to speak for weeks. I ought to be suing the pants off this kid. I understand that you're angry, but I tell you that there is no money there. And I think that we should handle this internally for the good of the school. Actually, I agree with you. You know how much I care about the athletic department. I've been very loyal with my checkbook. You certainly have. Bottom line: I don't think Travis Barnes is worthy of our fine program. What exactly are you saying? Either that kid's off the baseball team or I'm taking my money elsewhere. How could he just sit there across from you and pretend like it never happened? The thought of your mom still being there with him, not knowing who he really is... Travis, you have to tell her! She has to know. It's just gonna keep coming up every time you see him. But you were so excited about it. And what? You're just gonna throw that all away just to protect him? At least then she would know the truth. What don't I get? Oh, Travis. We will make her believe you. Okay. Look, I'm not gonna make you do anything that you do not want to do, okay? All right, um... Hey. I can stay here tonight. Okay. (sighs) (clattering) Daphne: This is the best fried okra I've ever tasted. And the corn bread, oh my God! I'm telling you, if you had a little taste of these beef ribs, you'd give up being vegetarian forever. He's right about that, honey. (laughter) For real, Aunt Mae should've had her own restaurant. That's 'cause she's the best damn cook west of the Mississippi. - Aren't you, Mae Mae? Hmm? - Chris! Well, I need to get this recipe. Hmm, I don't know. I don't give that recipe out to just anybody. But I might make an exception for the girl Chris is sweet on. - Oh, we're just friends. - Mm-hmm. I know a budding romance when I see it. I'm just helping Chris with some training. Daphne's dad is my coach, Coach K. He's the one getting us our look with the Royals. Is that right? Oh, well, thank your daddy for me. It would be great if Chris could play ball nearby and be here to raise his little brother Taylor when I'm gone. You're not going anywhere. I've watched Chris play the game since he was little, and I've watched him grow into a fine young man. He didn't have a lot growing up, but I did the best I could. You did great. And I always told him, if he worked hard, he could achieve whatever he wanted. And one day, he'll go on and inspire a lot of kids to do the same. (sobs) - (chuckles) - Chris: Come on. Let's get you home. I don't want to tire you out bragging about me all day. But I like it. Give me some sugar. (chuckles) (sighs) Sweetheart. - No way, I am not cutting Travis! - Leonard McManus donates - $200,000 a year to the athletic department. - I don't care. It is my team and I decide who's on the roster! We are in the middle of a budget crisis! - We need that money! - Well, we'll find the money elsewhere. No, we won't. The days when you and I could pitch in to make up for a shortfall are long gone. Besides, Mike Chapman didn't even skip a beat. - He wants Travis out! - Did you at least fight back? Of course I did, but he knows Travis's history. And frankly, I see his point. It's not fair to the rest of the athletes to suffer just because one kid can't control his temper! I'm talking to Mike. No, you're not and that's not open for discussion. Oh, really? I know how you feel about Travis. He's the reason you're coaching in the first place, so... if you want me to be the one to tell him, I will. No, it should be me. Well, that's about it. Okay, I'm just about finished up here, but I'm short a co-ax cable. I need to run a few errands. You cool with me being gone for a couple hours? - No problem. - Cool. - I'll definitely finish tonight. - I'll be here. All right then. See ya. Just sign right here. It's gonna be okay. I hope you're right. I'm proud of you for doing this the right way. This is good. I'm sorry for getting you involved in all of this, but thank you. I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything. Promise. How's it coming? All good. Um, we have the girls' swim team - this afternoon and then we're all done. - Excellent. I'm about halfway through the samples we've collected, just get the rest to me when you can. Will do. Um, how's it going so far? Anything unusual come up? Nope, all clear. No PEDs and nothing to suggest - anyone's trying to game the test. - Game the test? Well, you'd be surprised at the lengths some athletes would go to mask their results. - Really? - There are methods that can work. You know, like a special diet, intense use of diuretics, but I have ways of finding all that. - You do? - Sure. If I suspect any of that stuff's been done, I'll just order a blood test. That's conclusive. No way around it. That's really interesting. It's a science. We've got it down. (door unlocks, opens) (door closes) Toby, you back already? Toby? Toby, is that you? (door opens) I have a gun! I'm calling 9-1-1! Since when did you get a gun? Oh my God! Eric! Why didn't you tell me you were coming? It wouldn't have been smart of me to contact you. But where's Will? Is he okay? Are you okay? We're fine. Me and Will have been bouncing around a lot over the last year: Portland, Salt Lake, Boulder. I almost broke down and called you a million times. I wish you had. - But why are you here now? - I'm tired of running. I'm tired of changing our identities, never settling down. And it's not right for Will. I mean, he's getting older, and he's asking me questions that I can't answer. Look, I have to put a stop to this. But if Hope finds you... Hope's in jail, parole violation. The police are still looking for me, but I found a guy. He can help me and Will get out of the country. It's not cheap, but he can give me everything that we need: uh, new identities, citizenship, a business, everything... a whole new life. So, why did you come back? I left something here. Yeah, I'm afraid so. Travis, I'm sorry, but my hands are tied, and getting angry about it is not gonna help anything. Uh, Travis, can I give you a little advice? Whatever this is that is making you so angry, you have got to get to the bottom of that. Otherwise, it is just gonna keep messing up your life. Oh no. Yeah, I led him to believe that he's gonna pass, and now he's gonna get caught for sure. Everyone involved in the protest has moved on with their lives, but Chris made the biggest sacrifice of them all and now it's gonna cost him everything. It does sound pretty unfair. There is one thing I could do. I'm in charge of all the drug test samples. But it's wrong helping someone cheat, right? Is it cheating to help someone who doesn't ever get a fair shake to begin with? - What do you mean? - You didn't see when they pinned him down for trying to steal his own bike. I know that, but am I crazy for thinking about crossing the line for him. Maybe I'm the wrong person to ask. When you're medical career was on the line, I took the bullet for you. I didn't even hesitate, and I would do it again in a second. - Hi. - Hi, I hope I'm not intruding. Hey, um, I'm Daphne. I remember. Nice to see you again. Um, I have to get back to the health center. I'll see you. - It was nice to see you again. - You too. Sorry to drop in like this, but I just... I just don't know what happened last night. I was so excited to finally reconnect with Travis, and we were having such a good time, and he just... shut down. I don't know if it was something that I said or something that I did. I'm sorry. I... I... I can't. There is something going on. - It's just, it's really not my place. - Look, I know that he has Melody, and I'm... (sobs) I'm happy, but I'm his mom. I'm his real mom, and I missed all that time with him, and I'm... I'm trying to make up for it. I know my signing wasn't very good last night. I was just - so nervous. - Oh no, no. It was not that at all. Then will you... talk to him and ask him to tell me? please, whatever it is... I just want to know. That's been in my daughter's apartment this whole time? Why didn't you tell me? I didn't want to get you in trouble. That is a lot of money. This buys me and Will a new life. I want it to include you. Look, I've got a little cafe picked out in Belize. I can't. We could live the life we've always wanted. Come with me. (sighs) I can't. Come... with me. Wait. Wait. I can't do this. I can't do this. Your mom came to see me at the tattoo parlor. Because. (sighs) She knows that something's wrong, but she doesn't know what. You said that she will be devastated if you tell her... but she is devastated right now. Travis, you have to face this. All this other stuff that you've been doing, it's not working anymore. (sighs) I'll come. I'll interpret. I will be with you the whole time. (sighs) Thanks. (indistinct conversation) Dr. Taylor. You're gonna kill me. I made a big mistake. I dropped one of the samples. I'm so sorry. It's okay. Accidents happen. It's Friday, so have the nurse call the student whose sample was ruined and let them know they need to get in here first thing Monday for a re-screen. Give Will a kiss for me. Yeah. Look, I wasn't just coming back for the money. I had to try. I know. And once I'm gone, I can't come back. I understand. I hope you do too. (slow ballad plays) ♪ Kill the darlings ♪ ♪ Nothing grows... ♪ It's gonna take 48 hours for us to get our new passports. I'll be at the Platte City Motel out by the airport... if you change your mind. I won't. ♪ Oh, the ache in my bones ♪ ♪ Will leave me someday ♪ Eddie isn't gay. He was married. It's true. Maybe you're remembering it wrong. It was the Christmas during that big snow storm, and the power went out. You went to the grocery store because all the food in the fridge went bad. - And he took me into the garage. - No! Stop. Really, I don't want to hear anymore of this. He's not making this up. Then why didn't you tell me this years ago? I couldn't tell you. You never saw it. And how could you not notice how things changed between us whenever he was around? I just thought you were being a... a teenager. You never talked to me! You were angry all of the time! That's why I was angry. Because you never learned my language. (gasps) I've been trying. It's too late. I don't need it now. I needed it when I was 12. I was scared. I thought it was all my fault. I couldn't tell you... and Eddie knew that. And that's why he took advantage of me, because I was the deaf kid who couldn't talk to his mom. (Karen cries) I'm sorry! (crying) I... I'm so sorry. That's not good enough. Please help me. Please. (sniffles) I think what he needs to hear is that you believe him. (sniffles) I believe you. I believe you. I believe you! (Travis cries) I have to take the test again? Why? Your test was compromised. They need you back in on Monday morning. By compromised you mean... I dropped it, accidentally. But what about the cleanse? I mean, everything we did? - I thought... - They have a test for that too. You would've been flagged. I couldn't let that happen to you. And Monday will be seven days since I stopped. I'll test clean! Thank you! Thank you! Whoa, whoa. That's not why I did this. Do you have any idea how I feel right now, how hard that was for me to do? Yeah, I do, - and I really, really appreciate it. - Do you? Because I don't feel very good about myself right now. I cheated in a hospital. I want to be a doctor, that's my dream, and right now, I don't feel like I deserve to be one. Hey. Hey, you helped somebody who desperately needed it, even though it could have cost you everything. That kind of doctor... That's the kind of doctor I want. (whispers) Thank you. Just make sure you end up being the guy your Aunt Mae sees when she looks at you. I promise... I will. - Hey. - Hey. Well, you're all set. James Bond couldn't break in here without everyone knowing it. Let me show you. This is so cool. So, it automatically takes a screen grab every five seconds and saves it to your hard drive. Now if you want to go full screen, click on the cam that you want to see and scroll through the images like this. - (computer beeps) - Wait, wait, wait! Oh. Can I ask you a question? Sure. If nothing happened between us, and there's no chance it ever will, do I need to tell Luca he was here? You know, when Lily told me about Julian... it almost ruined us. And in the end, there was nothing there. Honestly, I kind of wish that... she had never told me. I think some things in life are just better left unsaid. Thanks. (sighs) Now, can you show me how to delete this? (chuckles) I am so proud of you. So do you think that things will be easier between you and your mom? Yeah, I know. But, hey, Regina missed the first 16 years of my life, and look at us now. You can rebuild. (door opens, closes) Hey. Uh, you know what? Have a seat. So I, uh... I called a friend of mine from the Royals days. He's a... he's a scout for a professional team. Well, they need a relief pitcher with a really good curve. So, I sent them a video of you. And it turns out... they're interested. (chuckles) Yeah. Yeah, but no, there's just one thing, okay? The team is in Tokyo. It's the Japanese league. Yeah. And, uh, they need you pitching... in a week. Previously on "Shots Fired"... Lieutenant Breeland found marijuana in his search of the vehicle. And you sent him to get the weed. No. The house voted for barbecue, and Jesse, he volunteered to go get it. Toxicology report for Jesse Carr. No traces of marijuana in his system. Lieutenant Breeland threatened Shameeka to keep quiet about her son's murder... why? I'm just trying to get my head around why a former cop who killed an unarmed teenager and didn't get prosecuted is now working cops. I just go after bad guys. I think Beck's a good cop in a bad department. We need to work both cases. Jesse's case and Joey's. The police union is dropping you. They don't want to look like they condone what you said. This correctional facility will bring thousands of jobs to this state. This is Shawn, my youngest. Thank you for coming to visit us, Governor. What do you really want? I want you, Governor Eamons, to serve as well. Cory... no one's seen him. How long's he been gone? Ever since he talked to you. I thought you were here for Jesse Carr. Why are you looking at Joey Campbell? Cory? Hey. Proceed about three-tenths of a mile to U.S. Route 74 East. In a quarter mile, turn left. Tell him what you told me. I was riding home on my bike after playing video games at my boy's house. I was going fast 'cause it was 10:00 and I told my parents I'd be home by 9:00. Then, out of nowhere, this car rolled up across the street, chasing down Joey. It was one of them police sedans, I think. They had him trapped against a wall and then two cops hopped out and threw him to the ground. He was laying there screaming, "Someone call my moms! Someone call my moms!" Over and over. I mean, at first, he sounded angry, but... by the end he sounded like he was crying. Then what happened? An older white man in, like, black military gear got out of the car with the handcuffs. Joey was still screaming out for his moms and wouldn't let them cuff him. Then the old man shot him. Everything went quiet. What happened after that? I don't know. I got out of there as fast as I could. Did they see you? I didn't think so. But they tried to run me over a couple weeks after that, either 'cause they knew what I seen or either 'cause they seen me talking to you. We've been hiding him out because we didn't know what else to do. In Gate Station, you don't go to the cops to snitch on the cops. Did you at least get a good look at them? Not the cops. Just the old man. If you saw this man again, would you recognize him? Yeah. This is no longer speculation. The Sheriff's Department murdered Joey Campbell and they're trying to cover it up. We need to call the bosses and open up the case. - Not yet. - What the hell are you talking about? If we go after this, we're not targeting a lone deputy who killed a white kid. We're taking on an entire sheriff's department. In this town, that's like trying to topple a small government. We have to check the credibility of our witness. We need to be patient and keep digging. I'm done being patient. We apologize for contacting you so late, sir. I'm sure it's urgent, so let's hear it. We have a 17-year-old boy who's come forward to say he's witnessed the murder of Joey Campbell. I'm aware of the case. How long ago was the young man killed? Six weeks ago. And your witness suddenly found a conscience? He felt his life was in danger. So why come forward now? His uncle brought me to him to talk. They decided it was the right time. What did he say? Two officers from the sheriff's department held down Joey Campbell while an older man, possibly a commander of some sort, walks over and shoots him. Now, the witness didn't see the two officers' faces, but he's confident he'd recognize the older man. What can you tell me about your witness? He's never been in any trouble with the law. Is he in school? He dropped out, but he plans on returning. African-American? Yes, sir. In a racially divided town, an African-American dropout claims cops who he can't even identify killed a kid? Found anyone to corroborate his story? No, sir, but we find our witness highly credible. - I'll keep it on my radar. - On your radar, sir? That's it? Yes, Mr. Terry, that's it. And I'm beginning to wonder if you're having difficulties staying focused on the case you've been assigned to. We are making progress on the Jesse Carr case, sir. We've been working without the benefit of video or witnesses, so we've been investigating a number of possible scenarios. - Update me by week's end. - Yes, sir. Um, in the meantime, we'd like to get this potential witness into protective custody. His concern for his safety seems genuine. I'll take that under advisement. - What the hell? - Shh! Shh! - Stay there. - Boys? - Jay! - Kerry, stay right there! Stay here. We're going to have a squad car parked outside till this calms the hell down. Thank you, sir, but I don't need all that. I'm not asking. We take care of our own. Sure doesn't feel like that, sir. Excuse me? I'm on desk duty. The union dropped me. And if the person who did this was outside when I came out with my gun, I would have fired, just like anyone else on the force. But what would have happened to me then? Did the neighbors see anything? No, sir. Not a thing. Why don't we just get it out of the way? - What? - The "I told you so." I told you he wouldn't open an investigation based on a kid's word against an entire department. We should have built a stronger case before going to the boss. - I led with my heart, my bad. - You led with your ego. You finished? If you can't listen to the one person who has your back in all this... - I got it. - Do you? Because I need you to have my back, too. So what now? The frat kids told you Jesse was going to the hood to buy barbecue. But he still had marijuana in his glove compartment. I'm gonna track down the school's weed connection. You need to request the department's arrest records for the last three months. - What exactly are we looking for? - I don't know. But we'll know when we see it. This isn't about Jesse and Joey anymore. This is about the entire sheriff's department. That was smooth. You must be Brady. Who wants to know? Get up. Word is if you want weed on campus, you're the man to see. But I'm not interested in busting you. - Ask me why not. - Why not? Because I want to know about Jesse Carr. - What about him? - The weed that was on him the day he was killed... did it come from you? Jesse wasn't into getting high. How do you know? I kind of make it my business to know these things. Is there someone in the hood who might be a connect for Jesse or his frat brothers? If they wanted weed, why would they go all the way to the hood for it? My stuff's as good as anyone's. Give me a 20. Mr. Terry. I need records for all the arrests made in this department in the last 90 days. I don't want digitized copies; I want the original hard copies. What is this, a fishing expedition? It's a government investigation. I'm encouraging you to cooperate. - It'll take a few days to assemble. - I'll give you an hour. Young man, you need to learn how to talk to people. Sounds like you're saying I need to know my place. You may not have respect for the citizens of this community. Like it or not, you will respect me. Your mother and I, we're taking a loan against the house. We're gonna have enough to cover your legal fees. Dad, no, no. Y-You paid off your house years ago. No, I'd rather take my chances with a public defender. You're not going down for that white boy, just like those good ol' boys don't go down when they killed one of ours. You say that like you think I murdered him, Pop. I didn't mean it like that. You know better. I-I got to go back inside. Love you. Love you, boy. Mr. Terry. If you have a few minutes, I'd like to show you something. Where are you going? This is about Joey! Come take a look. License and registration. Yeah, I got it. What'd I do? You weren't wearing your seat belt. And you can see that from all the way back there? You need to step out of the vehicle. All of you. The three of you need to turn around and put your hands behind your head. Do it now. Pat them down. What? I don't have time to call for backup. Easy. Get your hands off me. I said don't touch me, all right? Hey, that's my kid! Well, your dumb-ass kid should get some common sense. Get up. Finish. Turn around. Watch them for me. You have a permit for this firearm? Envelope in the glove box. Look all right to you? Yeah. Keep that seatbelt on. Have a good day. Complete waste of time. What the hell is your problem? This some sort of game to you? You're the ones with the games, aren't you? You come here acting like you know everything about this town, about us? Well, maybe I know more than you think. That feeling you just felt... that scared, angry tightness in the chest... that's what my deputies feel every day in the Houses. They're policing people who hate them. Given the chance, some of those people might hurt them. Add that to the list of things you know. Maybe people in the Houses wouldn't hate your deputies so much if they weren't known for killing innocent people. Is that your personal or professional opinion? Be careful before making accusations you can't back up. That your personal or professional advice? Welcome to Lorton Middle School, located in the plush suburbs of Gate Station, North Carolina. I'm Shirlane Woods, and I am honored to moderate this town hall meeting where we will discuss the new Eamons Education Initiative. Please join me in welcoming Governor Patricia Eamons. Thank you! Good evening. Thank you so much. You all right? Kind of nervous. You'll be fine. Just speak your truth, okay? Governor, we'd love for you to tell us more about your initiative. Schools like West Gate Middle School are closing down, because they've lost their accreditation. And the people who are left to suffer are the children of that community. Therefore, under my initiative, we will spend $3 million not only to renovate and train qualified educators at West Gate, but at four other schools in the state as well. I want to thank Pastor Janae Jones for helping bring this crisis to my attention, along with the young man you'll be hearing from a little later. So while we're creating a new and improved. West Gate Middle School, students who attended that school will be given a choice. Currently, they've been told to go to Jackson Junior High, 15 miles away. This will remain an option. However, former West Gate students will also be given the choice to attend Lorton. So you're talking about bussing kids from the Houses to this school? I'm talking about giving children an opportunity to learn in an environment without overcrowded classrooms. This is an opportunity to bring divided communities together. West Gate students and Lorton students will benefit from this beyond what we can measure. Certainly the taxpayers will be able to measure the costs. Taxpayers won't pay a cent. My initiative is privately funded. From whom? Arlen Cox and The Cox Group Financial. Paid for by Penn Moder, running for governor of North Carolina. The safety of our children is of the utmost importance. Once elected governor, I'll continue to work tirelessly to develop legislation like the Jess Carr "Call First" bill. I just got back from Cory's motel. His uncle's restless. Cory's still scared. I sent in another request for protective custody. I'll let you know. How'd it go with the college kingpin? He swears Jesse's weed wasn't from him. I put his stash in the lab to get checked out. So what are we doing here? I want to break down what happened the day Jesse was killed. Get inside their heads. You're Jesse. All right. Where's your head at? Well, a black RA beats me up. My frat gives me hell and they send me to the hood for barbecue or weed or whatever, and I'm pissed. - And you had a drink or two. - Right, so the last thing I need is for some black cop to pull me over. I'm the only brother in the department. I see a white kid in the neighborhood. Doesn't seem right. I pull you over, ask for your license. According to Beck, I don't comply. Why not? Why wouldn't you comply? Because I'm too drunk. No, if you were that drunk I would have known it. - It would have been on my report. - Okay. Okay, because I know it's a bogus stop. Racial profiling. So I call you out on it, refuse to give you my license. I tell you to get out of the car. Then something happens and you shoot me. Question is do you believe you did the right thing, or are you thinking of some sort of cover-up? Where's your head? I'm hoping that the life I took isn't the life of somebody good, with a future or family or friends. I'm asking myself what the hell I could've done differently. Then Breeland shows up, right? Finds weed in the glove compartment. Right, um, Breeland was the first on the scene when Jesse was killed. I found this in the police report. "Calvert Breeland, the first on the scene to report the murder of Joey Campbell." - Coincidence? - Maybe not. Maybe he's the key to us getting Joey's case opened. That guy has a wall up. He won't tell us anything. His wall will come down. We just have to get him to want to talk. No offense to those kids who had their school shut down. As I heard it, one of the reasons it lost its accreditation was because of rampant violence. This is the neighborhood where that drug dealer everyone is protesting about was killed. West Gate is being shut down because the building did not adhere to safety codes and students received low test scores. A school with 35 to 40 students in a classroom with one teacher will always underperform. And you can't generalize African-American students as a bunch of gangsters coming to our town. That's ignorant and racist. The fact that someone would demonize us for telling the truth is racist. We don't care what color they are. If those kids come to our community, we're gonna have to install metal detectors in our school. Is that the environment we want our kids to learn in? Ma'am, you won't need a metal detector; You'll need an open mind. - With all due respect... - No, no, hold on a second. I'm a parent, too. I want what's best for my daughter, same as you want what's best for your child. That's the same thing the West Gate parents want. Governor, I will gladly go along with your plan to bring kids in from the Houses if you're willing to send your own teenage daughter to a school near the Houses. Show us how open-minded you are. Okay, all right. Okay, all right, please quiet down. Quiet down, please. Okay. Just right over here, ma'am. Can I get you anything? No, I'm fine, thank you. Three months ago, you filed a complaint against Lieutenant Breeland. I'm one of the few people in the neighborhood not scared of that man. Your complaint said that he killed your husband. Every Sunday when me and my husband were driving to church, Breeland would pull us over for no reason, always looking for something. This went on for about two months. Then my husband told him enough was enough. Breeland arrested him and threw him in jail for being non-compliant and threatening an officer. He got out a few hours later, but a month after that, my husband died. You know how stressful that is, being harassed all your life? A 72-year-old black man still dealing with that crap? Whatever happened with the complaint? Not a damn thing. I'm at the kid's motel. They're safe. You know, there's a pretty cool invention you might have heard about. It's called e-mail. You should check it out sometime. There's another invention called "kiss my ass." Yeah, I think I heard of that one. I was sending a letter to my daughter. Handwritten notes are more personal. I'll give you that. We need a few minutes of your time. I'm about to go on patrol. That'll have to wait. How would you describe your relationship with Breeland? He's my commanding officer. He's had three complaints filed over the last year. What exactly do you want to know? We want to know if you think he's dirty. No. I don't. But next time you want to talk, then you call my union rep. I see your poll numbers are up among African-Americans and college-educated whites. But your white blue-collar base seems to be favoring Penn Moder, your opponent. I like to approach the polls with a healthy dose of cynicism. You didn't do yourself any favors with that town hall debacle, but the boost we're gonna give this economy is gonna silence all of your critics. Craig? As agreed to, regarding the Cox Correctional Institution, the Cox Group Financial will employ contractors, timber workers, and paper suppliers from the state of North Carolina only. The state will also get 50% of revenues from prisoner phone cards. In addition, the Cox Group Financial will hire 400 full-time employees. Sounds good. I would like to make one adjustment. Instead of the 85% prisoner occupancy number that we have been discussing previously, I'd like the state to entertain the notion of an 88% figure. Now, I would be agreeing to increased arrests, longer sentences, $30,000 per inmate? But you would be able to comfortably support the entire Eamons Education... Wait, wait, wait, your attorney said we had a deal. You said we had a deal. We almost have a deal, Governor. We're at an impasse here. I remember when your word meant something, Arlen. I am a man of my word, and I gave you my word that I would help you to the utmost in your re-election bid. So who is it this time? Some little old lady say I didn't get her cat out of a tree? Let's just cut to the chase, Lieutenant. Let's go to the interview room. I told you already, I ain't sitting in the box like a criminal for no one. Here, then. You're trying to build a case around me. Why? We're just looking into some things. Got some questions to ask. Fire away. You were first on the scene when Jesse was killed. Well, technically, Beck was first on the scene. You were also first on the scene when Joey Campbell was killed. How do you always find yourself at the right place at the right time? It's called competent law enforcement. Read some complaints on you. Some would call what you do harassment and abuse of power. Take the good with the bad. Is that what you teach your deputies, Coach? Beck learned racial profiling from you. News flash: Profiling works on white people and on black people. You heard some complaints against me and you want to believe that you have me all figured out. You have no idea how many mothers and fathers come to me to thank me for keeping their kids in line. You're actually looking at me with a straight face saying you're one of the good guys? I had a screwed up relationship with my daddy. Hated him when I was a kid. Calls me a few years ago, tells me he's got the cancer and he's scared to go through it all alone. My wife begs me to be nice, so I figured, "What the hell?" So I go through it all with him, the chemo and the radiation bull. A few months later, he dies. For the way he treated my mother, the way he left her to raise us, I'd always thought of him as a bad guy. Then I get to the funeral and all these people come up to me and they tell me he's the greatest guy in the world. Tell me stories about how he's helped them, that he was the only one that was there when no one else was. So, you see, this notion of good guys and bad guys doesn't exist for me anymore. Perfect cop, perfect citizens to police... they don't exist, either. We don't want perfect. We want officers to uphold the law. You see, it don't look that way to me. One of you looks like you're trying to make a name for yourself and the other one looks like you're trying to rid yourself of your demons. You two wanna be good guys? You should go back to D.C., chase down some crooked politicians, and let us go about the business of policing the people of Gate Station. You don't belong here, and you never will. Hey, guys! Pastor Janae is calling again. Is it about Arlen? She's upset about his name being involved with the Education Initiative. She feels it's a conflict of interest. Without his money, it doesn't happen. Is there any other way to make the guarantee? Yeah, pull from our overcrowded state jails instead of granting early releases. What's your opinion? I think you believe that better schools will reduce the need for more prisons. And I think you're right. Get Arlen Cox on the phone for me. Lorton's got all your school records. When you get there tomorrow, your guidance counselor will give you your class schedule. You're not hearing me, Mom: I don't want to go to that school! It ain't open for discussion. How's it not open for discussion? You want me to speak my truth, right? Well, I'm speaking it. I'm not going to that white school. Even if you put me on that bus, I'm not going to that school where everybody hates us. You ain't got to worry about them people. Maybe you don't, but I do! There won't be 35 kids to a classroom, everybody gonna get their own computers... - I don't care about all that! - Start caring! This school gonna give you a chance. A chance at what? Not making any friends? A chance at not ending up like your brother! I lost Joey. I can't lose you, too. I can't. I can't, Shawn, please. Please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please... I got you. I got you. I saw the town hall meeting online. Yeah? What'd you think? Bad move politically, Mom, but that's what made it so cool. Thank you, I think. But I do think someone had a point. Who? The lady that said you should be open-minded enough to let me go to a school by the Houses. Yeah, that's not gonna happen. - Why not? - For one, it's not safe. You're such a hypocrite. I'm not saying the people are dangerous; I'm saying the neighborhood... That neighborhood is made up of people... a certain kind of people. What are you implying now, that I'm racist? Liberals can be racist, too, Mom. This is not about color, Katie. Your dad and I want to give you the best education that we can provide. If I think kids like Shawn should have better schooling, why would I send my own daughter there? Because you can't keep asking people to be impatient for change while your own daughter conveniently goes to a $30,000 a year prep school. How about we conveniently change the subject? Yo. - Thanks. - Dale Johnson. Shawn Campbell. - Will you help me pass some of these out? - All right. Who wants some Bulldog shirts? Got more Bulldog shirts if anyone wants one. Whatever the hell is going on, Breeland is in the middle of it, or he knows who is. Well, he hasn't given us much to go on. We're no closer to getting a case open on Joey. Come on. Where are we going? To follow the weed. There are over 600 strains of marijuana in the state. The weed that was found in Jesse's glove compartment does not match the stash from the college dealer. But it's the same strain of marijuana found on Joey Campbell. Even though Jesse was killed four miles away from Joey's neighborhood. Even though they sell a totally different strain of weed over there. - What are you saying? - I don't know. Jesse and Joey knew each other, or they bought weed from the same dealer, or somebody planted Joey's weed in Jesse's car. Either way, these two cases are connected. Are you thinking Joey Campbell and Jesse Carr were working together, selling marijuana? If they had a business like that in play, we think the sheriff's office would've discovered that by now. What we do know is both of these cases are connected, both these boys are dead, and it feels like a police cover-up. Open up a case on Joey Campbell. I want to know who murdered him. And I want to know how he and Jesse were linked. - Yes, sir. - Will you need extra support on this? It's a delicate situation. We think it's in the best interest of the case if just the two of us handle it. As you wish. Keep me posted. And... good work. - Thank you, sir. - Thank you. - Yes! - Finally! This is pretty damn huge, right? We got to celebrate. Do you even know how? Yeah. I see you. You mind if I ask you something personal? Careful, you might not like the answer you get. Thank you. You've been working at DOJ long enough to work any case you want. - Why this one? - Justice calls, I answer. I thought maybe it was because you wanted to make things right. Make what right? You know, the night you shot that kid. If your T.O. yells "gun" and he's wrong, that's on him, not you. Not your fault. I don't know if I'm trying to make it right or not. I don't know. But I think about that kid every day. Come on, boss. Let me see what you got. I don't know if I can dance to the blues. Come on. Get your butt out here. I'm worn out, brother. - Come on, beautiful. - Thank you. I'm sure you ain't been worn out in a real long time. I said thank you. Hey, the lady said, "No thank you." The lady? Or your lady? All you need to know is that she ain't your lady, so step. Step? See, that's how little boys get in trouble, sticking their nose in grown man business, boy. You about to find out how much of a man he is and how much of a bitch you are. Yo, I ain't realize your chick was that damn crazy, man. Come on, bro. You're crazy. You know, that was a yoked-ass dude you were about to fight. What, you don't think I can handle myself? I wouldn't want you to mess up that baby face of yours. Like you said, you need to know I have your back. And now I do. We done good today. We did. So, I'll see you in the morning? Yeah. First thing. Even in the darkest night, there is a truth. Yes! When your friends, your allies, they forsake you... You're welcome to join us. When your friends and allies forsake you, there is a truth. If you don't say it, it may not be said. But as long as you have the courage to face it, as long as you have the courage to tell it, as long as you have the courage to live it, the truth will prevail. ["That'll Be the Day" playing] [over radio] ♪ Well, that'll be the day When you say goodbye... ♪ [Marty] Here we go. Buddy Holly's a perfect example. Buddy Holly, the day he died, uh... Yeah, I know, he won a coin flip, or he wouldn't have been on the plane. No, it was actually Valens that won the coin toss. It was Buddy Holly that chartered the plane. Do you wanna know why? He was tired of riding in shitty buses? No, he was tired of shitty underwear. So he decided that he wanted to get to wherever he was going as quickly as possible, so he could do laundry. - [chuckles] - It's true. You're saying "The Day the Music Died" was because of soiled briefs? Another good example is D-Day. The Nazis knew that we were coming, so they wanted to line the beach with tanks so they could literally blow us out of the water. But Hitler decided that it was a good day for sedatives. So they couldn't wake him up to get the final sign-off for the tanks, and the rest is history. - What the hell are you talking about? - I'm talking about decisions. - What, I'm Hitler in this analogy? - No. - I would hope not. - [chuckles] Uh, I'm just saying that any decision made, big or small, has an impact around the world. It's difficult. Marty, I just don't need a theoretical analysis right now. I know. I'm just saying this is tough. I know. Marty, watch out. [Del] What we're looking for is further development in the global market. Right now, we have the number one growth percentage in our industry throughout North America, and have provided all of the ceramic tiling, the high-end ceramic tiling, that you'll see in these recent condominium projects right here in Chicago. The figures are all there. Whoever we hire has the potential to benefit exponentially, if they're in the know of proper risks... Well, Mr. Del Rio, we're only really concerned with how much you benefit, with the sole focus being your company's diversification. And... And as you expand, we'll keep a cap on the number of new accounts we take on, in contrast to these bigger firms who can easily swallow you up. Where here, you'll be numero uno. And what is your name? Marty Byrde. Mr. Byrde, I'd like to hear your thoughts. Yeah, okay. I, uh... To be honest, you know, I... I can't really assess much until I look at the numbers. I'm the numbers guy. That's a... That's a good word to remember. "Honest." You see, these big firms, they would just jump right in - without properly analyzing the data. - Hmm. Very well. I'll be waiting. Well, this could take a while. Oh, I have time. - Are you sure? - Okay. [man] You last worked for the Rush campaign? Yes. Yes, I did his three... his three runs. And then I also worked for Obama's, uh, state senate race. Yeah, but... before he was Obama. My dad worked on one of the Rush campaigns. - [stammers] Oh, really? - Yeah. - I'm sorry, what's your last name? - Rakowski. Rakowski? Tim? - Yeah. - [chuckles] Oh, my God! Oh, my God, I see the resemblance. How's he doing? Retired. We don't talk much. Oh. You last worked on it in... Um, 2002. Right. [chuckling] I was really pregnant with my daughter Charlotte at the time. I didn't think I was gonna make it. And then I was about to come back and I... I had my son Jonah... Well, what we're really looking for here is a press manager with their finger on the pulse, 'cause... You don't have your finger on the pulse, you're not gonna connect with the 18 to 29s who are gonna swing the election. I'm sorry, it's just, I... I know that speech. I gave that speech to people who sat in this chair when I was sitting in yours, so, you know... Look, my... my résumé clearly tells you that I can do this job. And I understand that the future of campaigning is online. I'm on Myspace, I'm on Friendster, and there's a new network called Facebook, which I think is gonna be influential. So, I know how to reach young people. I'll level with you. You seem like a nice woman, and, clearly, you're qualified. So is everyone else, and they're coming off recent campaigns. I'm sorry. [Louis] Anthony, what did I tell you? Don't look at me like that. Play nice. Think you should take your own advice, Louis. - Really? Here in the playground? - Mm-hmm. You people have no shame, do you? I told you to call my lawyer. Oh, sure, I'll call, but just thought you might wanna see this. [Anthony] Dad! Dad, look at me now! You know your choices, right? - Work with me... - [Anthony] Dad! Or watch Anthony grow up from a six-by-ten while you chow down on bean gruel with roach feces, - and try to navigate risky showers. - Dad! Look at me, Dad! - Your call. - Look at me, Dad! - Damn it, Anthony, I see you! - [man] Hey, come on, man! You know the position you're putting me in, right? That's the point, Lou. Take your time. Meet me here on Monday. Your family will thank you. - Shit! Fuck! - [Marty] Ah. - Well, it's straight. - [Louis] Shit! - [Louis] Whatever, whatever. - [Marty] I see it. You're all right. [Louis] I need more time to warm up. [Marty] All right, Del. Right down the middle. - [Del] Have to account for the wind. - [Marty] Yeah. Yeah! - Damn. Hell of a shot, Del. - Beautiful. Nice tempo on that swing, too. You've been playing since last time. Not really. Listen, I had a thought. You know, Chicago fucking winters are brutal. I can't take it. It might be beneficial for both of us if I set up a shop somewhere warm, like where you're at. - Maybe down in the Caymans. - Louis? Yeah? A man who only talks business is a failure in all aspects of life. Just golf. This is vacation. Don't you worry, Louis. Old Brucey's just getting warmed up. [Marty chuckles] When he starts talking about himself in third person, we're golden. And here comes the pain. Eh... Fuck. [groans] Okay. [Del grunts] - Huh? - The best smack talk? No talk at all. [low chatter] I wish restaurants still had smoking sections, you know? Mm. You should run for office on that platform, Ma. Yeah, maybe I will. Couldn't be any worse. So how's work? - I left that job. - Why? I thought you loved it. You know, I had to reschedule one day, last minute. They pitched a fit. And I did a damn good job for them, too. - What... so you were fired? - It was mutual. This is the second time this month that you left a job. Oh, come on, please. My ankle's been bothering me. Okay. - [man] Hi, Barb. - Oh, hi, sweetie. - Hey. - Sorry I'm late. Oh, what? You never seen a kiss before? - [chuckles] - Shh. - So, what did I miss? - Ma was just pining for the days when you could get lung cancer with your lunch. My dad would agree with you. [chuckles] No... You know, it's our generation. [chuckles] But, you know, he never gives me credit for how progressive I am. He kept you a secret from me for over a year. It was for your own protection, trust me. Yeah, right. I couldn't be happier you got each other. Now I don't have to worry about some floozy breaking his heart. No. No, you do not. Oh, I'll be right back. Um, get me a box for this, please. - I'm full. - [waitress] Sure. - Is everything good? - Yeah. - What do you mean? - Nothing, it's just... She seems a little off. Well, she just lost another job. Oh, okay. What? I didn't say anything. No, but you were obviously thinking something. - Are you irritated? - [chuckles] No. But what were you thinking? Well, she's just, you know... Her eyes, it looks like she might be on something. - Like what? - I don't know. - Pills, possibly. - No. She went through all that when she moved out. Okay. I just think I'm pretty sure I would know if she was on something. Hey, she's your mom, but from what I've seen, the ones closest to the person often miss it. I mean, they can't imagine a loved one doing that to themselves. [sirens wailing] It's almost like they cook it so more people get sick and have to be admitted. Sound fucking business plan, you ask me. - No good, huh? - No bueno. Thanks for coming. Really appreciate it. Are you kidding me? Where else would I be? Come on. Though I did see a hot candy striper on the third floor, so I'm gonna have to duck out and say hello... - Hmm. - For a few. - All right. - Have some action. Mm-hmm. [clears throat] Look, Marty, if you need help... with anything... like, anything, watching the kids... - You've never watched kids in your life. - That is true, but how hard could it be? They're just like you and me, only... only smaller. You'd be surprised. Marty, you can't blame yourself for what happened. - I know. - Do you? Yeah. I'm serious, there's nothing you could do. Like my dad always said, "Everything happens for a reason." Your dad sounds like he was full of shit. With all due respect. Yeah, well, perhaps. You really believe that? You really think that there's some... some preordained chart, floating around up in the ether, with our fate all figured out? - I don't know about a preordained chart... - That's a bunch of crap. Things happen because human beings make decisions, they commit acts... and that makes things happen. And it creates a snowball effect with the... you know, their world around them, causes other people to make decisions. Cycle continues, snowball keeps rolling. And even when that's not the case, when life's events are not connected to other people's decisions and actions, it's not some bullshit fucking test sent down from the universe - to check your resolve, you know. - Okay. I mean, what would the reason be for some healthy five-year-old to get a brain tumor? Or why would a tsunami wipe out a village? You tell those families everything happens for a reason. No, sometimes people make decisions, shit happens, and we gotta act accordingly. Or you can... crawl in a hole and die, you know? Well, it was a shitty thing for me to say and... [clears throat] ... I'm sorry, bud. Hello? Honey? Wendy? Jonah? Guys, anybody home? [water running] [children giggling] [sighs] - Hey, guys. Hi. - Hi, Dad. [Marty] Where's Mommy? - [Charlotte] I don't know. - Okay. Do me a favor and watch the rest of the movie inside? It's getting cold. I'll check upstairs. I'll be right back, okay? - [Charlotte] You get that. - [Jonah] I'll get that. [Marty] Hi. Honey, the kids were all alone in the yard. It's been five minutes. It's just... It's only five minutes. - But that's five minutes. - What do you want me to do? Burst in tears in front of them or come up here? - I think I made the right choice. - Okay. At least I had a choice. - [Wendy sighs] - What can I do to help you feel better? Nothing, Marty. - Welcome, señor. - [Del] You made it. Hi. Hey, Del. Yeah, we made it. How are you? - [woman] Bienvenidos. - Marty, this is my wife, Elena. [Elena] So, Wendy, what do you do? - [low chatter] - Well, I... work for political campaigns. Or, I... I used to, anyway. Get out! I helped run our last mayoral campaign back home. Oh, really? Is it as corrupt there as it is in Chicago? - Don't get me started. - [chuckles] - [Marty] Hey. - Sorry, I'm late. Sorry, I'm late, Del. Raul, how's the wine? - Yeah? - Hey. Hi. Marty. Didn't I see you at the Finance Credit Conference in Chicago a few weeks ago? [chuckles] Oh, God, shoot me. Never catch me dead at one of those snoozefests, huh? - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. Like, tell me about it, right? Like, pick your poison. [stammers] Either you can, uh... you can listen to the blah-blah-blah lectures or engage with one of the homely women. [stammers] The what, Bruce? What kind of women? Who go to conferences, and are smart and deal in finance? - What kind of women? - I don't know what you're talking about. - You're on your own here, Bruce. - Yes, Bruce, what do you mean by "homely"? Oh. Homely, homely. I just meant, uh, thoughtful... - [Marty] Get him. - And nurturing... Yeah. Backpedal. I'm gonna take Wendy's advice and reel it back. - [Wendy] Reel it back, my friend. - When in doubt, take Wendy's advice. But to come to Bruce's mild defense, he was always the first person at the hospital when the kids were born. You know, or at least the second. - Yeah. - Or the... - the fourth or the fifth... - Top five. [Wendy] But it totally just... just offsets the time when he made that speech at our wedding just to make sure that the maid of honor knew what room he was in. Yeah. Well, I... I had a suite. [all laughing] Wendy, I'm going to the street fair tomorrow morning. Would you please come with me? Oh. I... I would really like that. Thank you. This is good. So the fellas can, you know, hit the links. - Mmm. Yes, please. Sounds good. Yeah? - Louis, are you practicing your swing? [chuckles] - [chuckles] That's convincing. - Yeah, that did not... - I did find something. - [Del] You did? Yeah, a couple things, actually. Um, you see here... Uh, this column right here. You know, first look at it, it looks tip-top, right? But if you take a closer look, all of these accounts here, the decimal number is rounded up to an even number. Meaning? Uh, well, I mean, aside from that anomaly and a few other discrepancies, you know, it all sort of... it leads me to believe that maybe half of these accounts are... are casuistic. In layman's terms, please. [stammers] Uh, that they're completely made up, you know? And correct me if I'm wrong, but, um, you know, I'm curious if, uh... if these false accounts weren't planted as sort of, uh, a test for potential money managers. And if that wasn't the case? That would take me to the second point. I'm not quite sure how to say this, but it seems that someone could be skimming off of half of these accounts. Stealing from me? I... I don't want to make any accusations, but I would imagine you already have your suspicions, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Yes. Yes. Mr. Del Rio, this is exactly the kind of care and detail you're gonna want. And I'd love to take credit for it, but I think it's pretty obvious that my best asset is the fact that I'm friends with this guy, and no other firm in Chicago employs him. [inhales deeply] Would you like to work together? - Yeah, I think that we... - I was asking Mr. Byrde. [Bruce] Okay. Okay. Unfortunately, my client list is full. - I'm sorry to hear that. - Mm. Thank you for coming in, though. Yeah, business is very busy right now, but I... I so appreciate you coming in and it was a pleasure to meet you. [Del sighs] At least let me repay you for your thoughtful analysis. My pleasure. - You sure? - Mm. Yeah. You know, we have partnerships with resorts all over the world. Perhaps you and yours would like to join us for a long weekend? - Yeah. - Oh, well, it's a nice offer. It's just... It's not a great time for me. - Thank you, Mr. Del Rio. - Have a nice day. Dude, are you... are you fucking crazy? That was like finding a winning lottery ticket on the heel of your shoe after leaving the shitter, and you just sent him walking. We have no idea what his affiliations are. Affiliations? Why, 'cause he's Hispanic? I mean, now you're profiling. No. No. You know what he does, conscientious Marty? He tiles. He works in grout. His portfolio looked a bit more diverse than tile. Okay. Do you know who you are? You're the guy who makes everyone late to the party 'cause you have to pick up your ear medication. [chuckles] That's good. - Hm. - That's a good one. Yeah. You're fucking killing me, dude. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy, Wonder Woman. What, you couldn't wait for us? It's not heavy. - Hey, Scotty. - How are you? - Great. Don't I look great? - Oh, of course. [chuckles] Here. - [Barb sighs] - Here. Isn't it beautiful? Pierces got a new one, so they let me take it. Well, it's the least they could do, as hard as you work for them. Ah, I need the money. - Wait. For what? - For what? You can't buy squat with smiles. Oh, my God. You gave Uncle Jack money again, didn't you? Eh, he's got some cockamamy idea. I don't know. He has a lot of business ideas, right? They're all called "drinking." Both he and grandpa. - What is this? - Oh, this? Well, you see, you put worms on the end of the hook, and then you put that in the water, and you... - [chuckles] - Fucking smart-ass, this one. [Scotty] We're leaving for a fishing trip after we drop off your table. Thank you for getting him out of the house. Oh. Here it comes. - My mathlete son. - [chuckles lightly] I mean, you do realize you have to stand in a river for hours in rubber coveralls? - They're called waders. - They're called waders. - Oh. Whatever. - [Scotty chuckles] So is this it? 'Cause we're gonna go back to your place - and then get on the road. - Hang on. - Ma, I will do it. - Hang on. Oh, my God. She's out of her mind. - [Barb grunts] - [impact thud] Ma? - Okay, don't put any weight on it. - [Barb groans] - I'm gonna call the ER, okay? - [grunts] I'm okay. Come on. Give me your arm. All right. - Ready? One, two... - [groans] - Okay. Okay. You drive. - Yeah. - Just watch her leg... - [Barb groaning] Watch her leg. Here we go. Easy. [sniffling] [cries] [phone ringing] - Hello? - [Del] Join me downstairs for a drink. Uh... [sighs] Isn't... Isn't the, um, lounge closed? - Not to us. - [sighs] Okay. See you in a bit. To a winning round of golf. - I picked a good partner. - Yeah. [Marty] Mmm. This Cognac is, uh, $175 a drink. I... I have a feeling this is about more than golf. I admire the way you never suffer bullshit, Marty. Or feed it. You nor Wendy. Who, by the way, Elena adores. I think she's gonna leave me for her. - [both chuckle] - I wouldn't be surprised. You know, Wendy talked to her about what happened. - The accident. - Yeah. We went through something similar. It really shook us. I'm sorry. I don't like to talk about it much, but... you know, there's always some idiot saying, "I know how you feel," or... "Everything happens for a reason." I know you're reticent, but... I need you to work for me. To clean your money. You will be able to earn enough to afford your great-great-grandkids' tuition. You know how it works. You think your life is going one way, and... then you look over here and it's different. Like that, in the blink of an eye, it changes. - Grab what you can while you can. - I, just, uh... You know... What? The risks? - Yes. - Well, I understand, but you only really have to worry about the risks if you are careless or dumb. And you're neither. Let me be frank. My boss tasked me to find a pristine money guy. So whoever I choose... can be a risk. Who's your boss? You have a pretty good idea, I'm sure. There's top firms that deal with discreet clients all the time and... I took that portfolio to 50 investors. Either they didn't catch any discrepancy or they were just too fucking scared to... to speak up. I need someone who's not just brilliant, but who also has integrity. Because integrity, my friend... is the shield to greed and vanity. Well, you want somebody with integrity to do a job where they have to discard their ethics. Are you talking about societal ethics or your own? Well, probably both. You know... - people live in a social contract, right? - Okay. So then what job would you take? - Big Tobacco? - No. JP Morgan? What's the difference? The latter plays in a market that already exists. So you're saying... that because you're not necessarily the manufacturer, you can see a way around the clash of ethics? I would contend that this is a little bit more of a complex issue. Okay, fair enough. So let's say there wasn't a social contract. What are your ethics? The one thing that trumps all the others? - To protect and provide for my family. - Exactly. You will be able to provide. More than you can possibly dream. Because you are the best I've ever seen, Marty. And we will protect you. But there's one thing I ask. - No Bruce. - Bruce? Bruce started the company. Bruce is my best friend since college. And, you know, I bet you the thing that bothers you about people like Bruce, uh, is the same thing that John Q. Public needs to feel confident to give him his money. And I would need those funds to wash anything with zero detection. Besides, he... he wouldn't have any reason to deal with your accounts at all. So add loyalty to friends as a personal ethic, huh? Yeah. Is it me or do you sound like someone who wants the gig? [chuckles] No. That's just the way my brain works. Just playing out the scenario. [sighs] In another world... possibly. But in this world, the... the one that's reality... Wendy would never go for it. And I can respect that. Trust me. Cheers. Louis Zehner, 37, from Evanston, moving millions in and out of shell companies overseas. - Terrorism? - It's more than likely drug-related, sir. Oh, Jesus. Look... we're going after bin Laden. There's a dealer every three blocks in this city. No one is fighting a war on drugs anymore. All right? Just work the banking. Money guys like Zehner are the way to get to the kingpins. Just do your fucking job, Agent Petty. You... [Petty] I'm just a fucking accountant. - You're not just an accountant. - [sighs] - Scotty, did you get my prescription? - Yeah, it's on top of the microwave. [sighs] Maybe it's not just work that's causing the stress. Well... [sighs] - Does it bother you that she's still here? - No. No, I just... I know how you two are with each other sometimes. Well, I mean, she either recovers here or flops around at her place. And then I have to check on her every day. Every day? - Every other day. - Oh, okay. [chuckles softly] I'm just saying, you're shouldering a lot right now. No. No, it's just... This is not what I pictured when I wanted to be a federal agent. Okay. I'm... I'm in Chicago, for fuck's sake. There is so much more I could be doing. - Well, then transfer. - It's not that easy. Why not? I mean, life is too short to be miserable. And too short for you to have to hear about it every day? Yeah. [chuckles] - [Barb] Thank you so much, Scotty. - How are you feeling, Ma? Much better. I'll be out of your hair in no time. [Charlotte] Why are you putting on makeup? Because Mommy has a job interview. Go into my closet and get my boots, - next to my sneakers. Thank you. - Okay. That's it. Right there, sweetheart. Perfect. - [chuckles] - Thank you. Thank you, sweetheart. What's a job interview? A job interview is when... It's when we... When Mommy goes and she meets someone, and they ask her a lot of questions, like, where did she go to school and where she worked before. And they would be absolute morons not to hire you. And if they like Mommy, they will give her money to work with them. But if you get a job, you won't be here as much. Oh, sweetheart... I will always be here for you. Even if you can't just reach out and touch me, you can always call me and I will always call you back. Okay? - [laughs] - Such a mommy's girl. Okay, I need your help today. You're gonna have to look after Daddy, all right? Make sure that he's really good with Jonah. [Charlotte] Okay. - You got this. - Okay. - Okay? Love you, too. - I love you. - [Charlotte] Bye. - [Wendy groans] - [Barb] Right here. Right here! - [Petty] Okay. Okay. Okay. [Petty stammers] Fine. Here. I'll come pick you up. What time? [sighs] I don't know. I'll manage. - Love you. - [car door closes] [Barb knocks on door] - [Barb] Hi. - [man] Hey, girl. - Hey. Uh... - Come on in. - Do I know you, man? - Tell my mom to come outside. [Barb] I'll call when I leave! [both grunt] - Mom. What the fuck? - Jesus! Get the fuck out of here! No. Give me that fucking shit. [Barb] No, stop it! - [both grunting] - Oh, fuck! Wait. Where do you keep it? God, stop it! Stop it! - Jesus! - [Petty] Wait! - [Barb] Stay the fuck away from me. - Hey. Stop. - Ma! Ma! - Don't you fucking touch me! Wait! Just stop! You fucking touch me again, so help me God, I'll tell your bosses you assaulted me. - What the fuck is wrong with you? - You! Stay the fuck away from me! Fuck! [cartoon playing on TV] [Charlotte chuckles] [Marty] Okay, you ready? Time for bed. Let's go. - [Charlotte] No, just one more? - [Marty] Mm-mm. [Charlotte] But I'm thirsty. I need water. [Marty] Well, what's that got to do with cartoons, huh? You want me to get you some water, sweetheart? We can read a story before bed. I want Daddy to do it. Daddy'll do it. Let's go. [grunts] Right. - [Charlotte] Whee! - [Marty grunts] Good night, Mommy. [Charlotte] Night-night. [Marty] There you are. [Marty sighs] - I'm sorry. - You don't need to be. I want you to know, I'm getting better. I am. And... I know I'm... I'm very aware that I've been... distant from the kids, and from you. [stammers] I just... I can't... I can't shake this feeling. [chuckles softly] Did you know I used to break into houses as a kid? You what? Mmm. I mean, I wouldn't... I wouldn't take anything. I just, I'd... I'd have a beer or two. So I guess I did... I guess I did take those, but... God, it was so liberating. Just feeling like someone else. I would... I would stretch out, I'd stretch out on these big, wrap-around couches, and... God, I'd feel the... just this clean fabric underneath my... my arms and my legs, and, oh, my God, it was just... it was so comfortable. And... And then I'd be hit with the hard reality that I didn't belong there. I just didn't belong there. And so I'd... I'd act out a little bit. I'd... I'd move picture frames around, I'd... I'd turn toothbrushes upside down. I'd put blue food coloring in the milk. [chuckles] And for some reason, lately... [sighs] ...that's how I've been feeling. Just like a fraud. And that's been happening since before the accident. Which is okay. I mean, I've been able to handle that, because... I always knew I took really good fucking care of my kids, and now, I can't even do that. And I'm... I'm just in my head all the time, and... I'm just... I'm just a big, fat... existential mess. Hey. Do you wanna go somewhere? - Where? - On vacation. On our budget? I had a potential client come in a little while ago, and he has resorts all over, and he offered a trip. Well, it sounds like there are strings attached. - [sniffles] - No. - It's a thank you. - For? I looked through his portfolio. So why is this potential client not an actual client? Well, he says that he is in tile, and I don't know if he is. I don't... I don't know if it's, you know, Corleone with olive oil... I don't know. [chuckles] So, what, are you saying this guy's in the Mob? I don't know what the hell he is. But it's... it's honestly a thank you. And, um, the amount of money I saved him, the trip would just be a drop in the bucket. And what are you gonna do when he asks you to work for him again? I'll give him my best Bartleby impersonation, and I'll say, "I prefer not to." Come on. We need a vacation. If he asks me to look through his portfolio once in a while, what's the big deal? [sighs] Didn't you always want me to be more spontaneous? - Hmm? This is it. - [chuckles] Mmm. Come on. Say yes. - It could be fun. - Yeah, it could. - Don't get caught, dude. - Then don't say anything. So what is it you do for Del, exactly? - Huh? - What do you do for Del? Don't we all do the same shit? Hmm? Put the money through the fucking washer? [laughs] [sighs] Remind me to never doubt your instincts. Oh. Well, it didn't take any instinct to not mix vodka and Scotch, buddy. I'm not talking about that, dude. I'm talking about Del. Oh. Him. I don't know. - You don't know what? - You know. Whoa, you're not really thinking of doing this, are you? Uh, no, no. I mean, not really, but... But... but what? Hypothetically speaking, that's... that's what I do. I move money through accounts. I already do it, you know? - Right. - And... and... there's no way we'd get caught unless someone, i.e., you, ran their mouth. - Oh, oh, me? - Right. Really? Are you kidding me? I know what cartels do. I've fucking seen Traffic. You kidding me? Listen, I'm... I'm down for whatever. All right? But it really doesn't matter because you have this kind of remarkable habit of telling your wife everything. - And she'll never go for it. - That's what I told him. You can keep it from her, but eventually she's gonna notice the extra zeros in the bank account. All right? Bloody Mary bar. Sweet. Hello, hello. How are you feeling? - Like I'm about to go on tour. - The back bedroom is all set up. Mm. Does he still snore like a baby dinosaur? [chuckles] Ma, you can sleep outside in our tent, if you want. I put some earplugs on your nightstand. Oh, hey, where should I put your prescription? In the trash. I'll be fine with ibuprofen. What I really need is a porcelain toilet. If I see a bedpan again, I'm gonna scream. Ma, I... uh, okay. I put bars up in there for you. And don't forget the doctor said to keep it elevated. [phone ringing nearby] - It's nice here. - Mm-hmm. [woman] Hola, day spa. How can I help you? [Marty inhales sharply] You know, uh... Del made me a very generous offer to work for him, and it's exactly what we thought it was. Well, we knew that was probably gonna happen. You tell him no? Marty? What'd you say? I turned him down. I mean, you know... No, I don't know. There something you wanna discuss? No. I don't think so. You sure? I don't know. I would do it... really well. Well, of course you would. - The offer's great. - [stammers] Well, I'm sure that it is. But this... this isn't anything we can really consider, is it? Probably not, but, uh... nothing wrong with talking about it, right? Just talking. Okay. Have at it, "Just Talking." Play it out. Name the pros. Well, look, I mean, the money, obviously. - Mm-hmm. - I could really grow the business. I could trade at the level I've always wanted. Okay. So how much money are we talking about? I mean, no one's gonna mistake me for Warren Buffet, but, Wendy... [chuckles] We'd be good. Good as in...? As in never, ever having to worry about money again. Ever. Wow. Cons? - [Marty] Jail. - Mm. Leaving your family, pissing off a cartel. Those things would never happen. And I wouldn't be a mule. I wouldn't be a dealer. I'd be just pushing my mouse around my desk. What does Bruce think? Get this. With all of his bravado, he was counting on you shutting it down instantly. [chuckles] Well, he doesn't know me like you do. Mm-mm. He doesn't. Well, even if you... if we did do this, I mean... - it's not like you'd be stealing. - That's right. I wouldn't. We can't... We can't do this. - Can we? - Why can't we do it? You really gonna do this? Are we gonna do this? Well... I'm good with it if you are. Same here. Then I guess we're really gonna do this. - Yeah? - Hmm? - We're gonna do it? - Mm. - Hmm? - Mm. I guess so. [softly] Yeah. [softly] Okay. [Barb shuddering] [groaning] [soft groan] - Ma. - Yeah? Please, take these. Just so you can sleep. - [grumbling] I don't need 'em. - I know you're tough, Ma. Everyone in this world knows you're tough. You don't have to prove anything here. I said no. I don't want them. - Look, there's no prizes for suffering. - [shudders] - [groaning] - You just feel shitty. And I hate seeing you like this. Please... until you feel better, please... For me. [groans] - Just this once. - Here, here, here. [sighs] No fucking way! - [Marty] I think science would disagree. - [Wendy] You were in the room. You heard them say that the... the chances of us conceiving again were practically nil. And I barely made it through Jonah's pregnancy. Yeah. I remember. What are you thinking? That I'd like to do whatever you want to do. - Oh, come on. - It's true. Come on, that's not fair. This is not Switzerland. You can't stay neutral here. I want your input. Well, financially speaking, Wendy... [stammers] ...it could be tough. No, I know. I mean, I don't actually see how'd we manage. But, uh, we said the same thing with Jonah. - And could you even imagine? - Oh, God, no. - No. - So... ["That'll Be the Day" playing on radio] So... So you're saying you want to have it? I didn't say that. I'm saying that if we did decide to do it, that we could make it work. No, of course. Of course. I know. I mean, if we did have this baby, would I ever go back to work again? I just don't see how that could happen. And that's just something I... I need to do. Yeah. You should. You have every right to. But then, on the other hand, what if we, you know, go down the road five years, we look at each other and say, "God, we should... we should've done it." [Marty] Mm. What if this baby would grow up to cure cancer or something? You hear stories like that all the time. All those stories about all those babies curing cancer. - No, you know what I mean. - There's like 12 of them. [laughs] People who say that they were an accident. I mean, hell, I was an accident. [Marty sighs] Would I be a terrible person if I said I didn't wanna have this baby? No, sweetheart. You'd never be a terrible person. Just... You know, everything would change again. I was just feeling like my feet were back on the ground. Well, theoretically speaking, uh, any decision that's ever made, no matter how small, uh, can potentially elicit a huge change around the world. You take Mr. Buddy Holly, for example. [over radio] ♪ When you say goodbye ♪ ♪ Yes, that'll be the day When you make me cry ♪ - ♪ You say you're gonna leave... ♪ - Ah, fuck! Marty, watch out. [tires screeching] - [Del laughs] - [Marty] Hey. [Del] Hey. Uh, so, hey, um... we're in. This calls for a drink. Oh, and, uh... Louis? Your services are no longer needed. - What are you talking about? Del? Del? - I didn't know I was taking his job. No. Louis wasn't gonna be hanging around much anyway, because he's a cheat. He cheats on his wife and in business. He even cheats in golf. And cheaters eventually get caught. I don't know what you're talking about. And it's become clear to me... the very real possibility that you've been working with the feds. I swear on my fucking son's life, I didn't talk to any... Stop! Stop. See, Louis, I'm a believer that there are times when things are related in the universe. What do they call it in that movie with the dinosaurs? Ah, right. Chaos. You see, the feds were snooping around, which caused you to make some piss-poor attempt to cover your tracks. Which allowed a shrewd person like Marty Byrde to identify your shoddy work and thieving ways. Which then inspires me to pursue Mr. Byrde, and this allows me to dispense with you. Isn't that something, huh? The wonderful convergence between cause and effect, and a bit of good luck. Bad luck in your case, Louis. The universe is a funny, funny place - with all of its... chaos. - No, no, no! [grunts, gasping] [choking] Oh, God! Jesus Christ! What d'you want me to do with 'em? Save them for a rainy day. You don't know how wonderful it is to have someone on board that I can trust. [inaudible] [exhales] [Johnny Carson laughs] [Johnny Carson] Well, but, we'll find out. Uh, uh, I'm glad you're in a good mood tonight. Uh, my next guest is a very funny comic, making his first Tonight Show appearance. He's a former Bostonian. Will you please give a warm welcome to Clay Appuzzo? [jazzy Tonight Show theme music plays] ♪ ♪ David Bowie's "It Ain't Easy" ♪ ♪ ♪ When you climb to the top of the mountain ♪ ♪ Look out over the sea ♪ ♪ Think about the places perhaps ♪ ♪ Where a young man could be ♪ ♪ Then you jump back down to the rooftops ♪ ♪ Look out over the town ♪ ♪ Think about all of the strange things ♪ ♪ Circulating round ♪ ♪ It ain't easy ♪ ♪ It ain't easy ♪ ♪ It ain't easy to get to Heaven ♪ ♪ When you're going down ♪ ♪ ♪ Well all the people have got their problems ♪ ♪ That ain't nothing new ♪ ♪ With the help of the good Lord ♪ ♪ We can all pull on through ♪ ♪ We can all pull on through ♪ ♪ Get there in the end ♪ ♪ Sometimes it'll take you right up ♪ ♪ And sometimes down again ♪ ♪ It ain't easy ♪ ♪ It ain't easy ♪ ♪ It ain't easy to get to Heaven ♪ ♪ When you're going down ♪ [laughter] [Bill] Congratulations, ladies. Congrats, by the way. Big court win. Abortion is legal. - [scattered whoos and applause] - Yes. Clap for that. Clap for that, guys. - [clapping] - That's a big win for us too. - [laughter] - That's fantastic, man. How pissed are back-alley abortionists? There goes six months of veterinary school right down the drain. [laughter] My mom had six children. I'm one of six. And according to her, we were all accidents. Six accidental pregnancies. We figured it out by now, haven't we? This whole penis-vagina conundrum, right? It's not the Manhattan Project. Not a bunch of scientists standing around a baby in a room going, well, I-I don't know how this got here. I'm not quite sure I understand. Yes, Professor Einstein? [as Einstein] Um, yeah, I just... I have... I just have a hunch, if you will. Maybe, perhaps, the babies are coming from the fucking? Do you think it's from the fucking? - [laughter] - That's just my opinion. ♪ The Dramatics' "Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get" ♪ [Bill continues set] ♪ Watch out. I got my eye on you. ♪ But maybe ♪ ♪ I'm for real ♪ - [balks] - Yes. [kisses] Tastes like tens and twenties. [laughs] Hey, Rob. Hey, Goldie. So you killed it at the Store last night. You know, I-I wanted to be here, but, you know, the only open spot wasn't until after one. Well, a lot of good comics go up after one. Oh, I agree. I just, you know, I have to be up at work at seven. Totally understand. I just don't give a shit. ♪ Is what you get ♪ Uh, okay, Goldie, well, it's just one fucking night, right? Caught my ex getting a blow job in our office. Took a fountain pen and stuck it through his hand. That was one fucking night too. ♪ I said what you see ♪ Okay. [audience laughter] ♪ Is what you get ♪ [Bill performing] Goldie. What the... Rob, uh, he made a mistake. And although I find the punishment harsh, I do find it just. Can I have his five minutes, please? ♪ And you know some people ♪ [audience laughter] What's up, Carl? People sitting in my booth's what's up. Fuck. Can I sit you somewhere else, please, just for tonight? You know who I'm bringing here tonight? - Charlie... - [both] Callas. Yeah, that's right, smart guy. You're gonna tell an American treasure he's gotta sit in the back? All right. Yeah, that's been my booth since the joint opened. Should fuckin' know better. [Arnie] Prick. Hi. How 'bout some free drinks? Does that sound good? ♪ You know some people ♪ ♪ Are made of lies ♪ ♪ ♪ To bring you down ♪ [audience laughter] ♪ And shame your name ♪ [sighs] Where the fuck are my onion rings? They're not drinking if they don't get their salt. ♪ Somebody call me when Clay goes up. [Bill] Drunk dentist with a pair of fondue forks... [audience laughter] ♪ All I want to do is love you... ♪ [Cassie] Uh, what else? Oh, I got myself a pet rock. He's very sweet. He was a rescue. I rescued him off the street. - He was a stray. - [audience laughter] Pet rocks are great. He's very protective of me. I was not expecting that. It's funny. Anytime my boyfriend says something mean, he just jumps out of my hand and hurls himself at his head. [audience laughter] Try to get him to stop, but he won't. Show us your tits! You first, sir. [crowd reacts] Ladies and gentlemen, chivalry is not dead. Hey, why don't you suck my dick? Oh, what a sweet invitation. I have not been asked out on a date in a long time. - [Cassie laughs] - [audience laughter] Oh, there's a bunch of y'all, huh? So what's the occasion? It's my bachelor party. - Whoo! - Yeah. Well, what are you doing in here? That hooker in the trunk ain't gonna bury herself. [audience laughter] A man comes into my office. He says, can I use your Dictaphone? I say, no, you use your finger like everybody else. Come on, you bastards, get off your high horses. Hey, Goldie, sit. Ah, that's a funny one. Adam Proteau. What do you think? I think I got more hair on my lip than he does on his nuts. Can you stick him in The Cellar? Fleischer and Stephenson open mic'd for over a year. Trust me, if they'd spent a little more time and sweat building the Titanic, the word would still just mean "big." Hey, Kay, another Rob Roy, neat for my friend Carl, huh? Hey, pal, nice shirt. Who... who'd you blow, Don Ho, for that shirt? [Tonight Show music playing on TV] Yes. - [crumbles cash] - There you go. - Thank you, sir. - Thank you. [music continues on TV] [Carson laughs on TV] Well, we'll... we'll find out. Uh, I'm glad you're in a good mood tonight. Uh, my next guest is a very funny comic, making his first Tonight Show appearance. Uh, he's a former Bostonian. Will you please give a warm welcome to Clay Appuzzo? [applause and music on TV] Thank you. Everyone, I... look, I just want to... I want to be clear. I'm not just a Bostonian. I'm an Italian Bostonian. We still talk with our hands, but we only use one finger. [laughter on TV] So I grew up with a lot of brothers and sisters. Italians used to have big families before television. But now they only have kids when there's nothing good on. [laughter] But that's what they do, Italian parents. They send mixed messages. You mess up in school, Dad gives you the belt. But then two minutes later, Mom comes in with a bowl of pasta. [chuckling] So, I mean, that's how Italians love to do it. They like to follow their violence with a little something to eat, right? - So... - [laughter] [Clay] May I suggest the Alfredo... - [Cassie laughs] - [Clay] With your beating? [Clay] The cream sauce really soaks up the tears. Hey, you do know when Arnie flashes the light, that means to get the fuck off stage, right? I get off the stage when they stop fucking laughing. Uh, laughing, Ralph, is the noise that people make when they hear something funny. Shut the fuck up, Sully. - How's he doing? - He's killing. Great. [scoffs] "Great"? That's not your "great" face, Bill. That's the "why don't Johnny fuckin' love me" face. How did they not shoot you in 'Nam? - [Sully laughs] - There's nothing but bamboo over there; what tree could you have possibly fuckin' hid behind? Yeah, are black hippos sacred over there? - Shh, shh. - First of all, y'all saw the pictures, I was lean and mean in 'Nam. Charlie was terrified of me. Called me "The Black Beast." Black beast, that's what they call you at McDonald's. - Black beast. - Fuck you, Sully. Always talking shit. You know what? When the revolution come, motherfuckers, you on your own. Guys, I'm trying to hear Clay. Hear what? His act is practically a sing-along. Bill, I love you like a raging yeast infection, but shut the fuck up. - Gross. - Mm. Come on over. [cheers] Oh, my God! - [clapping on TV] - [Bill] What? - Oh, my God. He got the couch. - [Sully] Wow. Suddenly I don't feel so pretty anymore. Holy shit! Holy shit! Whatever. Wow. Yeah, get your bitter ass out of here, Bill. ♪ mellow ragtime music ♪ Got the couch. That's all she wrote. I told Frank Johnny'd eat him up. ♪ [applause on TV] How are you? Ah. He smells good. [Clay laughs] - [audience laughter] - He always has. Don't get too close. You'll lose a finger. [Carson] Very funny stuff. So you get back to Boston much? Well, I-I try to make it back for all the major funerals. Ah, uh-huh. [Clay] Yeah, you can fly free when someone dies so I try to plan my vacations around my dying relatives. [laughter] Oh, Uncle Sal's not doing so good, aye? Oh, well, that's... that's sad. That's very sad. Any chance he'll be, uh, hanging in there till opening day at Fenway? - [audience laughter] - [Johnny Carson laughs] ♪ [TV chatter continues] ♪ acoustic folk music ♪ ♪ What do you think happens when we die? [imitating accent] Well, Cass, I don't really know. - Shut up. - [laughs] Don't make fun of my accent. I'm working on it. Oh. Well, I think it was Buddha that said it best. ♪ "You shit yourself. And then it's anybody's guess." You know, they say when you come you die a little bit. Is that why you don't want to come anymore? You afraid of dying? Fear of death is, um, not my issue. Fear of irrelevancy. Now, that scares the shit out of me. So what is it then? Why don't you want to come with me anymore? ♪ [sighs] You know who Edmund Hillary is? Are you fucking the guy who climbed Everest? [both snicker] ♪ It's a waiting room between life and death. I am being called. No, Abbie, we began this journey together, we will end it together. My journey isn't over. And for a Witness, it never truly is. But... Abbie Mills has done what she's supposed to do. I don't understand. Don't try. It's more something... you feel. Your whole life... has finally fallen into place. Mm-hmm. Yes, it has. I made peace with it, Crane. Whatever this next stage is, I'm ready. It's time for a new beginning. What is there for me in a world without you? Think about it. Washington knew that you had a destiny. You've had mentors like Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson, and partners... like Betsy Ross... and me. Our job was to carry you forward. My job is done. No. Not good-bye. It's more like: until we meet again. In the meantime, bash some monsters for me. And look out for my sister. Abbie. I shall miss you. Do more than that. Honor our bond. And be brave. Be strong. I know you will be. You're my guy, always. My, my. Be still, my beating heart. Crane! Crane! Crane! Crane. Oh, my God. Hey. Abbie? She's gone. She's really gone. No. The Box may have taken her hope. But she is... and will forever be... ours. Are you certain you would not like my company, Miss Jenny? Thanks for asking, but I think this is something I have to do by myself. Joe always said he wanted to spend more time up at his dad's cabin, and I thought I'd... spread his ashes in the lake. It's fitting. A serene resting place. You are coming back? Someone's got to keep you out of trouble. Tell my sister I said hello, and that I miss her. I always do. Well, the final season of American Idol has begun. It's not a return to form. Requires your spirited commentary. Oh, I've been accepted as archivist to the Historical Society, and I'm moving forward with my citizenship application. Slowly. Your house is now up for sale. I've begun the search for a place of my own. The rental market is more murderous than any supernatural beast we've fought. Not a peep on that front. 'Tis a respite I fear will not last. This is Sleepy Hollow, after all. You are missed. Never forgotten. Mr. Crane. I didn't get a chance to say the words you spoke at Abbie's service were quite lovely... We don't have much time, Crane. Abigail's death has set wheels in motion, and you need all the information I can give you. There must always be two Witnesses. When one dies, their soul does not move on. It's eternal. Wait, wait. Abbie told me this. It wasn't a dream. Mr. Mills, if there's a chance she lives... No, no, it doesn't work like that. Not as I understand it. The essence of a Witness's soul finds someone from their extended bloodline and sparks a new Witness. So Abbie's Eternal Soul lives on... in someone else. Find her before they do. They'll come for you, Crane. And they'll be looking for her, too. Who? This is from President Washington. This is dated 1789. "This Letter of Mark and Reprisal empowers me..." "...as First President of these United States, "to appoint Captain Ichabod Crane Commanding Officer." This being the Crane I met in the Catacombs, not the Crane who is said to have died on the battlefield in 1781. Hundreds of years from now, the man we know and love will be the last of the Founding Fathers, carrying on what we have built. "Captain Crane is to lead this organization. "His sworn duty, to stand guard against all threats deemed otherworldly." George Washington founded a secret organization to battle the supernatural. His intentions were noble. They're not all bad men, though many have lost their way. Forgive them... for they know not what they do. ♪ Please allow me to introduce myself... ♪ Ichabod Crane. Who is asking? Jack Walters. I'm a federal agent. I'd like you to come with me. Some people in D.C. need to have words with you. Do I have a choice in the matter? Officially, yes, but... I suggest you not make things difficult. Very well. ♪ Stole many a man, stole his faith ♪ ♪ I was around when Jesus Christ ♪ ♪ Had his moment of doubt and pain... ♪ Wherever you are... whoever you are... I'll find you. ♪ Pleased to meet you ♪ ♪ Hope you guess my name ♪ ♪ Yeah, what's puzzling you ♪ ♪ Is the nature of my game. ♪ Guys! Get in here! Come on! We're watching a movie! What are we watching? I'll give you one hint. Nants ingonyama Bagithi baba Sithi uhmm ingonyama - "The Lion King"? - Mm-hmm. We love it, but we've seen it so many times. Nants ingonyama Bagithi baba Wha... Whatever. It's the movie That was chosen this week. Okay. Thanks a lot, Jack. Wait. Don't look at me. I wanted to watch "Think Like a Man". Kevin Hart's hello to the world. Then who picked this? It doesn't matter who picked this emotionally stirring, richly drawn animated Disney classic. - Okay? - All right. But we're not fast-forwarding through the part where Mufasa dies. Wait, what? Oh, Diane. He dies? ! Why else you think we always skip that part? I thought you were fast-forwarding through lion sex. Nope... dead dad. - Wha... - Stomped out by wildebeests. Okay, okay. Sweetheart, come on. It's all about the circle of life. Simba moves on, and he finds comfort and protection from a friendly warthog and a rascally ferret. - Hmm? - Meerkat. Okay. So... Timon the meerkat gives him comfort and protection. - Mm-hmm. - Oh. You disgust me. You know what I think would lift everyone's spirits? "Ex Machina". Of course. The story of a genius who built a hot, naked robot... - Oh! - programmed to do anything he tells her. Maybe I should watch that alone. - Yeah. Mm-hmm. - Not really kid-friendly. So wait, who's going to be our warthog and meerkat if you guys die? I... Uh... Sweetheart, your dad and I are gonna be here for a long, long, long time. - Yeah. - Yeah, Son. Hakuna matata. No worries. Give me that popcorn. Let me put some butter on it. Uh, Bow? - Can I see you a sec? Mm-hmm. - Okay. Oh, my God. What happens to them if we die? I don't know. We gotta matata. Oh, we got a lot of matatas. So, Bow and I didn't have a legal guardian for our kids. That called for immediate action. Ahh. Ahh. - More tequila? - Yes. I can still feel my face. Mnh. How did we not handle this? I don't know. Didn't we talk to our accountant when Zoey was born? You mean your accountant, James Brown? So, in the event of your deaths, little Zoey here should become a ward of the state. All the tax benefits? Astronomical. You little cute, little thing. Do you want to be raised in the system? Come on, now. Shamon. - All right. Don't worry about it. - Ohh, ohh, ohh. First thing in the morning, I'm gonna call a lawyer up, and I'm gonna let them know that we're leaving our kids with my family. Wait. Your family? Mm-hmm. Why not my family? Because they're our children and we love them? What's that supposed to mean? Your parents raised you in a cult. Wha... And I'm not gonna let them raise my kids on a bus powered by human poo. That bus produces 30% less emissions than a diesel-powered bus. You know what else it produces? What? Pinkeye. Your mama stays with it. You know what? The obvious choice is my mama. Over my dead body! Dre, there is no way in hell. Can you imagine what would happen to our children if they were raised by that crazy lady? Do you believe? We believe! - Do you believe? - We believe! I praise, I praise, I praise God Okay. We'll leave them with Pops. He's worse than your mom! - What? ! - Dre, he's always disappearing. The kids would be, like, wondering if he's even alive. I mean... In fact, is he even alive? - Yes, he is alive! - Prove it. Prove it, Dre. Prove that he is still alive! I'll prove it to you right now. Uh-huh. I'm calling him right now. - Put it on speaker phone. - Hey. Hey, Pops! Earl Johnson. He's... Sh-Should... Should we be worried? Okay. Maybe not Pops. But we're definitely not leaving them with your sister. She literally said she hates children in front of our children. Fine. Then we're nixing your sister just out of spite for the fact that you nixed mine. Ha! I still have a brother and June Bug. Oh, God, Dre. You mean San Quentin and Folsom. You love them. If I want to do a smash and grab! - Whatever. I'm calling June Bug. - Fine. You know what? - Take that. - Yeah. I'm taking it. All right. Hey, hey, June Bug! - Oh, please. - Hey. What's up, man? It's Dre. Look, I got to ask you something. Have you seen my Pops? Thanks for coming out tonight, guys. Hope everyone's enjoying the snacks. - Mm-hmm. - So, feels like old Jack got a fast one pulled on him with this Mufasa thing. Took a real gut punch on that one. - Mm-hmm. - Yep. But, it's okay, though. Shame on me, fool me once, all that. But in the spirit of honesty, I thought we should Have some chips and some truth. Jack, you don't have to oil us up to hang out with you. Uh, let's hear him out. So, uh, let's just get loose, huh? Let's have fun with this. Now, tell me. What else has been a lie? Oh. Okay. Here it goes. So, two scoops of ice cream is okay. But three? Three will kill you. Really? Yeah. Wow. Okay. Jack, we don't have to do this. No, no, no, no, no. No, keep them coming. - Hmm. - Okay. You want it. Sorry, Son. Disneyland is closed on the Fourth of July. Right. Of course they're not closed on America's birthday. Probably missed out on an epic fireworks show, some red, white, and blue cotton candy, but hey, live and learn. File that one under "trusting little boy." This guac tastes so fresh. It's not. So... I'm afraid to ask, but our old dog Spinach? Guess it's safe to assume that he didn't really go to that farm in Houstatlantavegas? His name was Nacho, and I'm not sure dad didn't throw him out of a moving car... - Okay, Nacho dead. - All right, then! Uh, we're done here. You know everything. Right, guys? He knows everything? - Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Everything. - You know it all. - Yep. That was another lie. There's so much more. So... much... more. Hey, Zoey. Listen, I'm trying to computer talk with my distant lover Davis... - Hi, Zoey. - and this damn thing isn't working. Now, how do I get my face and cleavage in the TV box? You know, Grandma's got a lot to work with, and Davis is getting dizzy. No, no, Zoey, you don't have to do this, okay? I-I'm happy to just talk to your grandma and see her face. Oh, he's just saying that. He loves to sing to me. He's the only man I've ever known who could rock me to sleep singing James Ingram except James Ingram. - Grandma! - Zoey, it's okay. I-I know your grandma has a past. Um... Ca... Just put it in portrait instead of landscape. Portrait? What's that? Turn it to the side. Oh. Oh! Oh! There you are. Hello, Davis. Ruby. - Get out, Zoey. - What? I swear to God This is your last warning. This was my first warning. Get out, sweet pea. - Get out! - Dear God! Okay! - Yeah. Sookie, Sookie now! - Oh, God. No. Hoo! Bow and I could not agree on which family member should take care of the kids, so it was back to the drawing board. W-What are you doing, Dre? You casting the new Spike Lee film? No, we're looking at all of Dre's friends, trying to figure out who'd be the best guardian for his kids. Wh... Is that all of your friends? Every last one of them. Hurtful. Now, my first choice would be Gigi. Lifelong friend, megastar. They would never have to worry about money. Mm. Guess what she lacks in parental instincts she makes up for in decadent excess. That's an outstanding idea from the female diversity hire. - Wow. - Your children would be above the law. Like Blanket and Paris Jackson. - Gigi's out. - Mm. How about the round fellow with the little teeth? Is that Biz Markie? No. That's my boy, Sha. And, to be honest, I'm a little concerned that he won't be able to handle four kids. After all, he does live inside the IKEA in Carson. Is that Charlie? - Oh. - Who? - He used to work for you. - In which of my houses? - Oh, my. - I've never seen him before in my life. I know he's not a good option. I just miss the guy. - Mm. No. - Come on, guys. I'm running out of friends. So... Drake it'll have to be, then. Whoa. You're friends with Drake? Never met him, but we're cut from the same exact cloth... ambitious, soulful Fantastic beard game. He's Canadian. Drake is out. Ah, what the hell, Dre. I'll take your little black kids. That's... _ _ So after wasting me and my colleagues' entire day at work, I finally knew what I had to do. - Oh, Bow. - Hey. I've been thinking about who we should leave our children with. - Oh, me too. - Mm-hmm. And there's only one way to go. - My mom. - My mom. Wha... So, you want your mom, and I want my mom. - Mm-hmm. - Sounds like we have ourselves a good, old-fashioned mom-off. Dre, we are not having a mom-off. Then what are we gonna do? We are gonna sit our moms side by side, ask them questions, and see who's better. Oh, my God. We're having a mom-off. Mm-hmm. So, cursive's just busywork? I'm never going to use it again after third grade? Not unless you end up teaching third grade. So many lies. I can't take any more. Oh, so you don't want to hear about all the art projects you bring home from school. Don't tell me. Tell me. They don't all go to Grandma Alicia's "basement museum." Uh-oh. Oh. There's no Jackenheim? Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're laughing pretty hard. You're not exactly bulletproof. What are you saying? It's amazing how, after eight years of so many adventures, Squeaks the Frog has remained so pristine. Because mom handwashes him with Woolite and love. Squeaks has been with me since I was a baby. No. This Chinese bulk-rate trinket has been with you since Tuesday. Oh. There's another case of them in the garage under the jumper cables. But I... Remember when dad said he was driving back To Disneyland to find Squeaks? Well, he just went to Wendy's, got himself a Frosty, and listened to a podcast. How do you know this, Longhead? I was there. I had a loaded potato. He's taking way too much pleasure in this. Well, thank you both for joining us. - Mm-hmm. - Peace to all. Andre, You're looking well fed. And we're off. Hmm. Mommy, is everything okay? Yes, my eye's just a little bit sensitive. - Oh. - To poo. It's... They're... They're sensitive. - That's... They're sens... - Look at them. - They look pinkish to me. - Okay. Okay, Dre and I have been talking about and trying to decide who we would leave our kids with if anything ever happened to us. Is something happening to my baby? - No. - Mom. Oh, you got the sugar, don't you? We're gonna fight this thing, baby. - Mama... - You believe that. I'm fine. Is there something wrong with Rainbow? Uh... - No. - No. Nothing is wrong with me, Ruby. Matter of opinion. - Talking to a computer. - Mama. Yeah, there's some [bleep] wrong, all right. - Okay. - Please, please. Just tell us what we can do to help. Okay. Well, Dre and I have a couple of questions. Mm-hmm. What would you do to help our children make good decisions in a crisis? Oh! I would do something fantastic! - Mm. - Okay. Oh, you're gonna love it! It's gonna be huge! We're gonna make this family great again! Boom! Nailed it. My mama all day, er'day. Ha ha! She didn't say anything. Oh, I think she said everything. - Everything! - No, she... - No, yes, she did. - No. She did not say anything. She did. Okay, well, why don't we just ask my mom, okay? - Go. - What would you do, Mom? I would sit them down, have them take a deep breath, have them weigh their options... Ah, that sounds good. And then access their spirit animals. - Uh... - There it goes. Listen, what I want to know is why is this a conversation? She's not even here! You can't parent over a computer! Can I just say that it doesn't matter where I am. Our energy transcends space and time. It doesn't matter where any of us are. Well, if it doesn't matter where you are, then why are you here? You're fired! Hey. - That's enough out of... - Hey! It's enough of it! Don't bring me down here for no computer talk no more with that woman. Hey, Junior. We just want to thank you for giving us the straight talk. It's that kind of candor that the President of the United States of America values when he calls you on your birthday every year. Why would you bring that up? Happy Birthday, Junior. Thank you for all of your help in getting our country through the latest financial crisis. You're welcome, Mr. President. And I appreciate the nod you gave me during the State of the Union. I saw it. Good! I hoped that you would. You know, Malia will need a prom date this year... Oh, I don't know, Mr. President. No, no, no, no, no, no. You are a catch, and Malia would be lucky to have you. Go to LAX. Air Force One will be waiting for you. The code word "Buttress." Buttress. Got it. Your brother's an idiot. I always thought he was a little loose-lipped about Iran. Hurts, doesn't it? That was for Squeaks... O.G. Squeaks. You monsters. You know, I've been thinking. - Your mama's so crazy... - Oh. Seriously? Dre, really? This is where we're at? You're making "your mama" jokes? - I'm not making jokes. - Mm-hmm. All I'm saying is that your mama... your mother... Oh, God. Is so out of touch that she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company. Mm-hmm. Really? Okay. Well, your mother is so dumb that she sat in a treehouse 'cause she wanted to be a branch manager. - Oh. - Mm-hmm. Well, your mama is so stupid... Oh! Dre, stop. Oh. Okay. Come on. Seriously? The fact that you even consider your mother for a minute makes me question your judgment. Your mom is basically Donald Trump in polyester sweats and kitten heels. Uh, well, the fact That you want to leave our kids with a woman who rides shotgun in a poo bus makes me question your judgment as a parent. My judgment? Oh, yeah. You know, if something were to happen to me, I'm not sure I'd leave my children with you. Well, you don't have any choice. Oh, I have a choice. I choose to outlive you. Good luck with that, buddy. I woke up this morning, and I had a kale smoothie. You woke up and had a sleeve of Pop-Tarts and a pack of bacon. I like my odds. It was a low-sodium Canadian bacon. Mm-hmm. Still ham. Kids, if you're watching this, I'm dead. So I've gone ahead and put everything I won't be around to teach you on video... everything I stand for, Dre's ways, or as I like to call them, "Dways." Dways number one. Never put your baseball hat on straight. You always cock it to the side. But don't cock it too far. You're a Johnson, not a Wayans. - What are you doing? - Huh? Oh. Leaving the kids some rules behind. Oh. This morning, I tried drinking a kale smoothie, and my body rejected it. Oh, yeah. So I ended up chasing it with a chocolate shake. Let's face it, Bow. There's no way I'm outliving you. Hell, to be honest, I'm on borrowed time. I know that, baby. My sweet morning surprise is seeing your eyes open. - I'm sorry, Bow. - Oh. You know, I don't want to think about not being here for our kids. Oh, God. - I don't, either. I don't, either. - You know? And recording these Dways, it... it brought it all home. You have no idea how many takes I ruined. Don't order tilapia. There's no such fish as tilapia. It's whatever unidentified fish they happen to find that day. When I think about not being here to teach my kids about trash fish, it's just too much. I didn't know about tilapia. I didn't know. It's not even fish. What is it? It's trash. No! It's trash fish. They do need us both. They need us both. Maybe... Maybe we should think about your parents again. Maybe they can move the doody bus here. No, Dre. No. Okay. It should be Ruby. What? Ruby! - What? - Yes, Dre. Even though she and I don't agree on... anything. - Uh-huh. - Okay? She adores the kids. And they love her. Yeah. And she practically lives here. And she is not going anywhere. Yeah. Evil never dies. It cannot be Grandma. - Huh? - What? She is half teenager, half elderly person. Oh. It's a bad mix. I don't have the heart To hurt you It's the last thing I want to do Fire. Fire. Fire! Ruby! - Ruby, wake up! - Oh, my goodness! Grandma! Fire! While you two have been arguing all week about who should Be taking care of the family, I've been taking care of the family. I had to write a convincing letter from the President of the United States to Junior. Wait a second. No stamp? Hand delivered? ! All right! I drove over a new Squeaks five times to re-create the original Squeaks. How'd you find him? I called Disneyland and made them drain the "Pirates of the Caribbean." He was at the bottom. - I knew it! - Mmhmm. Hmm. Move out the way. And I've created an actual Jackenheim for all of Jack's art. - Oh. - Oh. Impressive. Wow. But we can't keep all this junk in our dining room. I mean... - Just don't eat it. - Oh. Put it in a box in the garage like a normal person. Oh. Okay. Anyway, if something ever happens to you guys, no one's taking care of my brothers and sister besides me. Oh. Zoey, I... I don't know what to say. Just don't die. I'm almost 18. If you make it another 22 months, we're all good. - Oh. - Oh, my goodness. - I just want to hug. - No, thank you. Okay. So, we just have to hold on till she's 18, - and then I'm out of here. - Wha... I don't think That's what she was saying. - That's what I heard. - Oh. Okay. So, we landed on Zoey. Of course, she won't be alone, she'll have a village of crazy grandparents, extended family, super-rich megastars, and IKEA dwellers. She'll have help from everyone. Who would have thought at the end of the day, the best person to take care of our children is one of our children? Hey, babies! Oh. If you're watching this, I'm dead. In the tragic event that I die before your father, please delete all of his Dways. I've set up a condo for you in Chatsworth. He will never find it. You go there. Go there and tell the doorman who you are. The password is "buttress." My name is Barry Allen, and I am the fastest man alive. To the outside world, I'm an ordinary forensic scientist, but secretly, with the help of my friends at S.T.A.R. Labs, I fight crime and find other meta-humans like me. After defeating Zoom and saving the multiverse, I ran back in time and created the alternate timeline, Flashpoint. I restored the timeline to how it was, only to find things weren't as I left them. I brought new threats to our world, and I'm the only one fast enough to stop them. I am The Flash. Previously on "The Flash"... We have to think about getting back to our Earth. We've been here long enough. A whole multiverse of Harrison Wells out there. You want one? Let's go get one. Wells with a sense of humor. - Harrison. - Call me H.R. Out with the old, in with the new. What are you doing here? ""Julian Albert, meta-human CSI specialist"" I don't trust you, and I don't like things that I don't trust. How have I worked with this guy for the past year? You say that all the time. Do you maybe want to grab some dinner tonight? I got movie night with my kids tonight. Rain check? You were the only one who wasn't affected when I messed with the timeline. - Yo! - You know you don't need to do this every morning, right? Oh, come on, it's the least I can do. I mean, I love Joe, but at some point, man needs his own space, and until I find my own space, that means your space. So as a token of my appreciation, two eggs over easy, bacon, toast... I can't remember, do you like it buttered or not? Barry, sometimes a man just wants to butter his own bread. Okay, sorry. I was just... Yeah, no, you're right, I... Look, don't get it twisted, okay? I love having you here. You're a great guest. I'm not sure how I feel about our other visitor, though. Wells? "Please, call me H.R." So you don't like him? Oh, it's not so much that I don't like him. I just... the way he says things, there's something about him. I don't know what it is. Dude, he's only been here a few days; let him settle in. I know we've had our Wells issues in the past, but you can't just stop trusting everybody or giving them chances. You know? You can't live like that. This is true. Wise words from a wise man. Joe Knowledge. I'm gonna take this to go. - Okay. All right. - Uh, I'll see you there. Yeah. Oh, I can take you. No. No. I'm gonna drive myself today. Yeah, cool. Cool. - Can I help you? - I'm here to see Dr. Tannhauser. Do you have an appointment? No, but I'm pretty sure she'll see me. You can just tell her Caitlin Snow is here. Dr. Tannhauser's a very busy woman. I'm sure you can understand. I appreciate the diligence, Jackie, but Caitlin's always welcome here, even if I wish she'd call first. Nice to see you too, Mom. So what brings you here? I didn't forget your birthday, did I? I'm pretty sure I sent a card. You did... in April. Thank you. Look, I read your new paper on applications in cryo-medicine, and I think you might be able to help. I had no idea you kept up on the literature over at S.T.A.R. Labs. That's still what it's called, right? Yes, and I have a patient who could use your help. Well, if you want to send over the file, I'll be happy to take a look when I have a chance, but right now, I have a shareholder meeting - to prepare for and... - Mom! I'm the patient. Cancel my appointments, and have Nigel meet me in the bio-lab. We have work to do. Sumptuous day. Oh, no, on this Earth, I believe you say... - Good morning. - Good morning. And it is, isn't it? I mean... The music on your Earth, well, it strikes a chord, no pun intended. Please, help yourself. I find a crew works best when it's well-fed and well-rested. Are those coffees for us too? Yes indeed, Miss West. I took the liberty of reading through your ledgers last night. A lot of information to absorb, but let's see how I did. Skim milk chai latte. - Okay. - Okay. And an iced Americano with two... no, - three shots of espresso. - Boom. That happened, Walter. - Wally. - Wally. Now, for my fleet-of-foot friend... oh, you'd best stick to decaf. Probably for the best, yeah. San Francisco. I have "prepar-e"" a French roast with a touch of creamer. - Thank you so much. - You're welcome. Did you know, on my Earth, coffee crop was wiped out by blight? I mean, that's one more reason to stay on this Earth, for the coffee alone. Yeah, though that's if you stay. If I stay. Time is of the essence. Here's what I propose, a series of team-building exercises. Now, I've hidden a series of clues all around the facility. What I propose is, we break into two groups, all right, and you can pick a partner; you're... Okay, okay. I have to stop you, H.R. I am not feeling this. It's the roast, isn't it? I should have gone with a dark... No, it's not the roast. The roast is fine. Our trust isn't something that you can just build with games. - Okay? - No. This is something that goes back three years. It's something that's been forged in fire, sometimes literally, so maybe you should just step back and observe, see what we do here, how we operate. Did you get that? Excellent note. I'm gonna run with that. Where's Caitlin, by the way? Have you... - Yes. So she was here. - She was? All right, yeah, you know, we talked, and she... What? Knocked back a triple-shot latte, and she left you a message, so I'm gonna... Uh, I... yeah, let me just play it for you. This is not the same as my Earth's. This is a different... There it is. Hey, it's me. I've got some things I need to take care of. I shouldn't be gone more than a few days. See if you can get along without me. Make sure Cisco doesn't touch my pizza pockets. Wasn't labeled. Okay, you know what, guys? I got to go to work. I'm running late. Ooh, yeah. I got to do that too. - Yeah, let's go. - I got to bail. Oh. You know, we'll do the team-building exercises another... I'll leave the clues hidden in the facility. Cool. How do you guys say "see you later" over there? Ah. "Until next communion." - All right, see you later. - See you later. So weird. Come. Hey, sorry I'm late. I had to meet somebody and... You can add tardiness to the list, Captain. Allen, it's been brought to my attention that you've been giving yourself unauthorized access to your colleagues' case files. Excuse me? Along with multiple infractions, repeated absences, disappearing throughout the day, phone call interruptions, guests in the lab. The list is pretty extensive, Captain. I'm sorry, with all due respect, I do my job here. You do good work here, Allen. Don't put that in jeopardy by thinking the rules don't apply to you. Understood? Yes, sir. Sorry, Captain, that's it? Sir, I document eight different... Nine. Nine different violations of regulations, and he gets a 15 second talking to? Must be nice. We are done here. You can go. Captain. Were you really just being a tattletale? - That's bush league, man. - You know what? You're right. Silly me to think the rules actually apply to the golden boy of CCPD's crime lab. Detective. - He's unbelievable. - You know what? I wish you two could be a little less oil and water and a little bit more oil and vinegar. You guys have been at each other's throats - for a year now. - That's just it. From my perspective, it's been two weeks. So you're saying that before two weeks ago, you weren't Julian's enemy? I'm saying before two weeks ago, Julian didn't even exist. It's because of your Flashpoint. I know it's because of the Flashpoint. Cisco. Hey, is this important? I don't know; does 30 hits downtown on the meta-human app count? - What are we looking at? - Well, nothing really. Every traffic cam in a ten-block radius suddenly went down, so we're flying blind, and the hits are all over the map. All right, well, there's one way to see what's going on. I got to go. Most of the chatter's coming from the harbor district. All right, I'm here. It's a bad scene, man. You should be right on top of it, Barry. What is it? It's a... monster? Guys, did you hear me? There is a monster in Central City. What are we talking? Yao Ming size or Andre the Giant? No, it's, like, an actual monster. - What even makes that? - I don't even know that. S.T.A.R. Labs satellite, show me something. Whoa. You ever see anything like that on Earth-19? You want me to observe. I'll just observe. Iris, what are you doing here? Working on a story, and last time I checked, you don't need super-speed and a red suit to help people. All right, get out of here. I'm gonna try to stop that thing. Come on, come on, come on. Cisco, where'd it go? Can't track it if I can't see it. Know what you could do? Could use your ears. My ears? What's that sound? It's a car alarm; I can use the car alarms to track the direction the monster's heading in. We got him. Head north three blocks. I lost him. Yeah, me too. I don't get it. I don't get it. Every meta-human we've encountered has been exactly that, meta-human, so where did this thing come from? I don't know where it came from, man. I just... it just vanished. That's all I know. It was gone. Yeah, but in my experience, things are always different. - What? - Than they appear. There must be a reason the darn thing can just disappear like that. Maybe the darn thing's got some kind of cloaking mechanism. That's a good idea, but right now, I would settle - for "how can we stop it?" - Yes, obviously. - Just how? - I don't know. We don't have a magic monster lasso. But you know what we could... Oh, sorry. I forgot. I'm just... I'm just observing. No, H.R., please. We're open to any idea right now. On my Earth, we have ropes made out of carbon fiber. They are ultralight but strong enough to pull a battleship; we could restrain it with that. Right? What do you think? - Okay, I think it's... - Okay. I think it's worth a shot; we can spin it - down in my workshop. - Yes. Good. Yeah, there was something else that was weird, though. I... I saw a transformer explode as this thing passed by it. - That is weird. - What's weird about that? Monster didn't even lay a finger on it. It exploded before it got to it. Kind of reminds me of that Hitchcock movie where the extra covers his ears before the gun goes off. You have Hitchcock on this Earth? - Mm-hmm. - Oh, brilliant. "Murder on the Titanic"! ""Who did it? Who cares? We're drowning"" The beast must emit some kind of electrical pulse. Is there a way I could get a look at that transformer? No. It's... the whole place is a crime scene now with Julian in charge of it. Ah, Julian. Who's that? That's the CSI guy you don't like, right? I mean... Yeah, all right. He's great. Sorry, cold hands. I didn't even notice. I'm Nigel, by the way. Nice to meet you. We're gonna help you figure this out, Caitlin. Let's get you to the lab. What's this? It's to test how your ability affects molecular motion. That shaft is solid tungsten, and it's heated to over 2,000 degrees centigrade. I want you to cool it down, and when we determine how you can do that, we can figure out the best way to help you. Best we could do in such little time. So this is where you've been for the last hour. I had to reschedule my day for this, Caitlin. A lot of things around here require my attention. I remember. Whenever you're ready. Don't hold back. Hey, Julian. Hmm. You seen this? It's bad enough we have the metas destroying the city. Now we have this thing to worry about. - Mm-hmm. - Is there any point in me asking where you've been for the last hour? Or should I just assume the rules still don't apply to you? I was... I... Yes, okay. Look, hey, man, so I know that... you and I, we got off on the wrong foot. We never managed to find the right one, and I'll take that. That's probably my fault, but I just... I don't want things to be like that anymore, you know? I... I'd... like it if things changed. It's funny, 'cause I remember you saying something similar to that right before you stole the case from underneath me. Do you have idea what it's like to work side by side with someone with such little regard for the rules? You may very well be contaminating my work. That's exactly why I want to learn from you. I don't follow. I just... you know, whenever I read your reports, it's clear that your evidence collection techniques are far superior to mine. Go on. I don't know; I mean, if I could just shadow you for a day, maybe ask a few questions, I think that you could really help bring my skills up to... snuff. What do you say? Sorry. What if I gave up the lab? There's a storeroom downstairs that I could convert, so if you let me follow you on this case, lab's yours. Lab's mine? Okay. Deal. You can't slow me down, though. - I would never. - All right. I'll call you. How long have you had these abilities? They started manifesting a few months ago, but I'm assuming I got them when the particle accelerator exploded, just like all the other metas. And you haven't told anyone? Just you. I told you, you never should have taken that job at S.T.A.R. Labs. You could have stayed here, had access to world-class facilities. And have all of my work be in the shadow of your reputation. Of course, the only time you need your mother is when you're in trouble. What's that supposed to mean? Oh, come on, darling. You ran off to Central City to play scientist with that disgraced quack. I was trying to make a name for myself. For three years, barely a word, until trouble hits, and then here you come, walking through the door and expecting Mommy to drop everything in her life to try to fix it. You have no idea what I've been through... Dr. Tannhauser, look at this. She's absorbed all that energy? How? I'm not sure yet, but if we can figure that out, this could change everything we're doing here. So then The Flash... my Flash, again, not your Flash... we hatched a plan to gather all the remaining meta-humans into one place for a final showdown. They called it "World War M." It was glorious. Two forces on opposing sides of the stadium. The tension built. No. It was like that movie where the gladiator was the lead gladiator. What was that called? "Gladiator." That's better; on my Earth, it was called "Sweaty Men, " and that didn't take. So the two forces charge into battle, and when they do... - I need to take a five. - Yeah, let's get out of here. - Let's take a break. - By myself. Yeah, you go ahead. I'll keep working on this. So entry AAA:2. Plan is proceeding. Characters are in place. Nobody seems the wiser as to why I'm here. - Hey. - I had to give a witness report on the attack, and I thought I would make it a lunch date. Yeah, cool. Clear a spot. - Let's do this. Ahh. - Yeah. Are things any better with Julian? Oh, my God, it's like, every time I try to get to know the guy, he does something that makes it really hard to. All I know now is that he dislikes meta-humans about as much as he dislikes me. Maybe you should try and see things from his perspective. He might have a reason to dislike both of you that you don't know anything about. Did you just hit me with a Joe-ism? Well, sometimes he's right. Sometimes he's not. Yeah. Oh, speaking of which, I just saw him downstairs, and he was talking to the DA. He blew off a date with her. I saw him do the same thing last week. I don't know. Maybe he's not into her. No, he's into her. I mean, when I asked him about her, he basically told me to buzz off. You're not too good at buzzing off, are you? Nope. When it comes to my dad, no. Well, look who it is. Looks like I have an opportunity to see things from Julian's perspective.... - Hmm. - Right now. Sorry about lunch. I got to go. Mm. See you later. Oh, I need that. If you don't stop squirming, I'll never find a vein. What exactly are you testing for now? Any polymorphism that could help us understand how you're able to absorb that much energy from molecules to create gelid surroundings. You realize I've run all of these tests already? Then what was the point of coming here? Seriously, Mom? I'm terrified of what I'm becoming. You realize you haven't asked me once how I'm feeling? I'm trying to keep emotion out of this. Believe me, it's for your benefit as much as it is mine. Right, because that's your specialty, isn't it? Being cold, just like after... After what? After Dad died. I did everything I could to save your father. Well, you lost your daughter at the same time. You're the one who went away, Caitlin. Because I had to. You realize you never acted like my mother again after Dad got sick? You would barely even look at me. I... couldn't handle the pain. My work got me through it. Losing someone like that, you have no idea what that feels like. Actually, I do. My husband died over a year ago. I'm sorry. Okay. What do you got? I said get here quick, but that was... quicker than I expected. Oh, no, yeah, it was a... crazy Uber driver. Hmm. Well, the blast pattern and the scoring on the insulation suggests that it was a power surge that blew it out. So it's a coincidence? I highly doubt it. But I'll figure it out. Someone in this city has to do something about these metas. What do you mean? We have a whole police force working to stop these metas. No, you have The Flash. So it's not just bad metas you don't like. It's all the metas. I'm just saying that because of him, the police department has got lethargic. I mean, why do anything at all if The Flash is gonna save the day every time? It's a bit like you with rule breaking... a momentary fix, and now you're lazy, sloppy. Cool. Thanks. I think The Flash is actually a source of inspiration for the city. I think he kind of provides hope. Yes, well, that's one of many things that we'll have to disagree on, Allen. What? You see something? A pattern. The creature's movements, they seemed random at first, but they were contained to a prescribed area. You know, like the creature was stuck in an invisible fence. Traffic cameras were down, right? Maybe it was being watched or controlled by somebody that needed to keep it in visual range the entire time? Constricting the creature's movements to the line of sight. That actually makes sense. Maybe there is a brain in there after all, Allen. Dispatch, this is CSI. I'm requesting immediate backup. The monster has been sighted by the harbor. - Hey, maybe we should split up. - That's a terrible idea. Yeah, but we got to do something, right? Whoa. Don't worry, I have four years' training in the military. Uh, even still, since when does a CSI carry a gun? Since there were monsters in our city. All right, Jul... Cheers. You're leaving us? Yeah. Things between my mother and me are... complicated. We can help you. I don't need your help with the science. I can do that on my own. I came here to get something from my mother that I realize now I'll never get. What are you doing? Sorry, Frosty, but you're not going anywhere. Let me out of here. Open these doors. I said no! I am sick of working day after day, night after night, only to have my work benefit your mother. With the information I can get from you, I can finally get out of this place, so you're gonna stay here until I get everything that I need. You are not going to test me. Yes, I am. No, Nigel. You are not going to test me, now or ever. Wait, let go! Let go! Ah! Caitlin! Don't do this! This isn't you! You don't know anything about me, Mother. I... I know I wasn't much of a mother, and I know I have a lot to make up for, but I know I didn't raise a killer. For whatever it's worth, I am so sorry. It's worth a lot. Now go. - What about... - I... I'll take care of him. No one will ever know about this. I promise. - Thank you. - Just go. Every time there's been a sighting of the monster, multiple transformers have blown. Hmm, so it's definitely feeding off electricity. Mm-hmm, and see, I mapped out all the streets that it's been spotted around. Never leaves a ten-block radius. You know, this is exactly what I was talking about. Some meta's been gifted this incredible power, and this is the very best thing they can do with it... terrorize a city. It's pathetic. Why exactly do you hate metas so much? If you think I'm gonna break down now and tell you that one killed my parents and that's why I have to do this job, I'm not, okay? I don't need a deep, personal reason to hate metas, Allen. I just need to see person after person transformed, given these extraordinary abilities, and watch them be squandered. Robbing banks, hurting people, spreading fear. It's just... well, it's not just a crime. It's an absolute waste. I mean, can you imagine what it would be like to have those powers? I mean, I would be helping people. I would be improving the world. I guess I wasn't one of the chosen few, was I? That's it? You're mad at them because you weren't chosen? Sorry, I mean, I'm just saying, it can't be easy being a meta-human, having your life... their lives change in ways that, you know, neither one of us could possibly imagine. It's got to take some adjusting. Right. So now you're defending them? Well, no, I mean, I'm... I don't think that... This internship thing we're doing is completely over. Whatever. - Transformers are the key. - No, I agree... Anytime the monster's shown up, - any nearby have exploded. - They blow up. Car alarms keep malfunctioning too. Car alarms, transformers. What is the connection? Yeah, we'll get there, fellas. We'll get there. We just got to keep trying. Maybe someone's pulling power out of the transformers and using it to power the monster. Power... yes, the monster. That's... ah, you just beat me to it, San Francisco. See, that can't be it, H.R. - Can't be it... - 'Cause we would have detected - a surge in the power grid. - We did not. Not if it was broadcast power or something like a portable Tesla tower. A portable Tesla power. - Tower. - Tower. That's what it is. Nice. Mm, mm. Teamwork, hmm? So PS, where I'm from, on my Earth, we call that a problem solved. I'm gonna go for coffee. On my Earth, the coffee was wiped out by blight. - Blight, yeah. - Can you imagine? He didn't really do anything, did he? Thank you. Took me a while to realize it, but he's just resaying everything that we're saying in a different way. No, he did have the idea for the rope. Ah, ah, reverse inception. He made you think he had the idea for the rope, but he didn't even tell us how to use it. Okay, well, we're not gonna be caught off guard again. We should vibe him. It'd be my pleasure. Hey-oh. - Hey, baby girl. - Hey. You've been hanging out here a lot lately. Yeah, well, there's a lot of scared people with this monster running around the city. Oh, we'll get him. We always do. Oh, yeah? Is that a quote I can use for my article? No. All right. It was worth a try. Dad, you know Wally and I are all right, right? What is that supposed to mean? We just don't want you to not do things because of us. You know, we just want you to... find someone. I'm not having this conversation with you. Dad, that DA is totally into you. You should go out with her. Iris, I don't need you to be Cupid. I got my job. I got you, Barry, Wally. I'm good. I know, Dad, and that's great. I just... Now that I'm falling in love with someone, I just want you to have the same thing. Joe? Alert every task force and sniper unit. Tell 'em to load up. I should get to S.T.A.R. Labs. - What's up? - Albert thinks he's figured out the creature's next target. Well, if there's ever an opportunity for a 40-foot monster to wreak havoc, it's gonna be where people like to gather. 2nd Street Promenade. Well, let's end this. That's what I intend to do, Detective. - Where'd he go? - Doesn't matter. I don't need him. What do you mean? What do you... hey, dude. Come on, you can't just go through his stuff; that's not... I'm not going through his stuff. See, this is what I'm talking about. What even is this? Now I seem to have won most of the team's trust, except Francisco's. Those are my things. What are you doing? What are you doing? - What? - Who are you really? We know you're hiding something. You've been burned, twice... by a man with the same face as me. I imagine it's hard to trust after something like that. - You think? - I do think. So play... the rest of it. I've read his journals. I found nothing that can tell me why Francisco feels the way he does, but I do hope I can change his opinion of Harrison Wells and the two of us can rebuild that friendship. What a fantastic C-story to weave within the narrative. What? What narrative? Narrative. I'm writing a novel. "The Tales of H.R. Wells." Catchy, I know. Wait, I'm sorry, you're a scientist and a novelist? - Yes. - Wow. That's perfect. Thank you. That's exactly right. I'm a scientist and a novelist; I run S.T.A.R. Labs, and also I'm an author of science-romance. That's my niche. Write what you know. And I thought, "Well, what better opportunity "than to come to another Earth and pen yet another best seller about my adventures here?" Why didn't you just tell us this in the first place? I guess it didn't seem relevant, and also, I didn't think you guys were gonna rifle through my belongings. That's all it is. I'm a scientist and a novelist. Do you think you can trust me now, or is that not something that you have on this Earth, trust? - Trust? - Oh! You scared the dickens out of... Trust who? It's the app. It's the monster. It's back. - Monster? - Yeah, you've missed a lot. I'll explain upstairs. Well, I'll just stay here, then. Come on. We need you. All right, guys. I'm here. Tell us everything that you see right now. Mayhem. And the monster. Okay, so what's the plan? Great question, Miss West. So we fashioned just a carbon fiber rope, but correct me if I'm wrong, we never actually discussed how he was gonna use that rope, did we? Guys. Barry, we're gonna do "Empire." "Empire of the Sun"" Barry. - What? "Empire Strikes Back." - What? "Empire Strikes Back"" Barry. Just take it down like it was an AT-AT. Just like an AT-AT. ""Bigger they are, the harder they fall"" Even I've seen "Empire." - I like that. - I like you. All right, here we go. I always wanted to be a Jedi. Guys? Rope went right through it. It's a hologram. That explains everything... the ten-block radius, the transformers. It takes that much power to render. Wait, CCPD sent snipers there. If it's not real... Then the bullets will pass right through it. Guys, it's gone. Where is it? Hold on. Give me a sec, Bar. Okay, we don't have a second! H.R., triangulate the signal being sent to the monster. We have to disrupt it before anyone gets hurt. Okay, let's do that now. Let's... let's just triangulate. The computer doesn't triangulate... - What? - The signal the way... not the way I'm used to... this is a different size computer for... Oh, my God. I knew it. What? You're a fake. What? - What? - What? This whole time, he's been acting like he can help us, but he can't because he doesn't now how, does he? How? Triangulate! Guys, which way? - Get the... - All right, you take over. Found it. It's at 2nd and Fulton. I have a lock on the target. Fire when ready. Stop! Stop firing! It's a hologram! Hold your fire! Hold your fire! A hologram? Where'd it go? Detective West, where's Julian? He was here! Cisco, I need that location. Hamilton building, 25th floor. There's more power going there than anywhere else in the building combined. Line of sight to all the attacks. That's where he is. I said put your hands up! This is CCPD! Freeze! Stop what you're doing! I said put your hands up! You're just a kid. Yeah, a kid you almost killed! You're gonna pay for that one, buddy. You're gonna... Yeah, I don't think so, man; I think you're the one that's gonna be paying for all the damage you did to this city... for a very long time. Hey, Flash. Thank you. You're welcome. Do you realize how many innocent people could have been hurt, or worse? What made you do something like this? I just wanted to feel powerful for a change. And that did it? Scaring people? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it did. You know, the kids at my school, they tease me every day. I'm a weirdo there. And I'm just sick of feeling scared all the time. I just wanted someone else to feel that way for a change. Look, I know sometimes things are hard at your age. But trust me, it does get better. So what happens now? Well, there are severe consequences for what you did, and you're just gonna have to accept that, but listen, you're young. You can turn all of this around. All right. Come on. You were named Entrepreneur of the Decade by "Tech Magazine"? - That's right. - Is any of what's on here true? - All of it. - How? You can barely turn on a computer. There are two parts to every idea. There is the inception and the execution. I provide the former. So you come up with the ideas? Yeah, I don't know how to implement them. I'm the idea man. So you didn't actually solve the cryptogram that we sent you? No, that was my partner at S.T.A.R. Labs on my Earth. I'm the face of the company. I'm more of the inspiration behind the company. Then I was exposed. Well, people thought that I was something that I... I guess I wasn't. Anyway, it... it kind of all fell apart for me. But then I got your message. My partner brought me your message. I realized he's bringing me an opportunity to come to this Earth to write this book. So many planets in the multiverse, and we happen to pick the one Wells who's not a scientist. You're right. I wasn't completely honest with you... with all of you. I feel badly about that. I regret that. But let me ask you a question. Has there been none amongst you that has ever shaded the truth for what you believe to be the greater good? It sounds to me like you're a con man. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. Was I a con man when I showed San Francisco here how to track the beast using car alarms? Was I a con man when I showed him how to fashion a rope using carbon fiber? I came up with those ideas! You were prompted by my suggestions. - Oh. - That is how ideas work! People, you need a muse! I can be your muse. What about stopping all the metas on your Earth? More of an advisory role for me, but I was there. I remembered how we... you don't think that's something? Let me present you with a scenario. You're confronted with something, a threat that you've never seen before. You don't know how to stop it. Who does? That's value to you. Let me prove my worth to you. If I fail, I will "pfft" right back to my Earth, but if I succeed, I will have succeeded not just in redeeming myself but also... will have done some good with my life. You know, you're lucky we're pretty big on redemption and doing good here, so I think you can... I don't know... stay for a few weeks, try to prove yourself, but if not, "fyoo, " back to your Earth. - Thank you. - Hey, no more repackaging. Word is bond. That... just no more that. - All right, H.R. - Okay. Where you been? I actually went to visit my mother. Your mother? - Mm-hmm. - Oh, boy. Why? To see if we could work through some of our issues. And I think we might actually be on the road to recovery. When it comes to family, you got to do whatever it takes, 'cause one day, you might not be able to do that anymore. Glad you're back. This is home. I nearly killed a kid tonight. The monster we were chasing, it turns out it was just a hologram, operated by a 15-year-old boy. Flash came to save the day. And he saved me from doing something... I heard. You know what's sad? That kid, he's just acting 'cause he's scared, you know? He wants everyone to be terrified and to run away from the monster so he can feel powerful. I know what that's like. How do you mean? I come from a pretty wealthy family... Back in England. It's a long line of generations of old money, tradition... nonsense, really. And I was the heir. I was their firstborn son. I was supposed to inherit the lot. But I was the odd duck... Who would rather go in the garden and collect samples of insects.... Rather than learn how to tie a Windsor knot or which fork to use first at dinner. Yeah. No, I wanted more. You know? I came here to do the one thing that they couldn't stop me from doing. Becoming a scientist... becoming a great scientist. And then just as I got to the top of my field, poof, the world changes overnight. Meta-humans. I don't know a single thing about meta-humans. I don't know how they talk. I don't know how they walk. I certainly don't know the first thing about stopping them, so... rendered useless. I suppose that's the monster that I'm running from now, just feeling powerless. Yeah, I feel the same way some days, Julian. I lost my mom when I was a kid. Lost my dad recently. It's a scary world. People die. Trusts are betrayed. Things change. But change can be a good thing, you know? It can bring new experiences, new opportunities, people. You can treat 'em like a potential enemy or like a new friend. Just trust that everything's gonna be okay. Yeah, maybe you're right. You can stop. You can stay. I was really wrong about The Flash, so I could be wrong about you too. Good night, mate. Julian? You want to get a drink? Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. All right. Let's do it. Caitlin, I've been going over the data we collected, and I found some disconcerting results. Your body's chemistry is changing in ways that I don't fully understand, but one thing is clear. These powers you have, the more you use them, the more difficult they're going to be to reverse. I'm sorry, honey, but listen to me. You must not use these powers under any circumstances. Barry: Mynameis BarryAllen, andI am thefastestmanalive. Totheoutsideworld,I'm an ordinary forensic scientist, butsecretly,withthe help of my friends at S.T.A.R. Labs, Ifightcrimeand find othermeta-humanslikeme. AfterdefeatingZoom andsavingthemultiverse, Iranbackintime andcreated thealternatetimeline, Flashpoint. Irestoredthetimeline tohowit was, onlytofind thingsweren'tas Ileftthem . Ibroughtnewthreats toourworld, andI 'mtheonlyone fastenoughto stopthem. IamTheFlash. -Previously on" TheFlash"... - We have to think about getting back to our Earth. We've been here long enough. A whole multiverse of Harrison Wells out there. You want one? Let's go get one. - [laughs] - Wells with a sense of humor. - Harrison. - Call me H.R. - Out with the old, in with the new. - What are you doing here? "Julian Albert, meta-human CSI specialist." - I don't trust you, and I don't like things that I don't trust. - How have I worked with this guy for the past year? - You say that all the time. - Do you maybe want to grab some dinner tonight? - I got movie night with my kids tonight. Rain check? - You were the only one who wasn't affected when I messed with the timeline. [dramaticmusic] women:¶ Express¶ ¶¶ ¶Express¶ ¶¶ - ¶ You don't ever need no help fromnooneelse¶ - Yo! - You know you don't need to do this every morning, right? - Oh, come on, it's the least I can do. I mean, I love Joe, but at some point, man needs his own space, and until I find my own space, that means your space. So as a token of my appreciation, two eggs over easy, bacon, toast-- I can't remember, do you like it buttered or not? - Barry, sometimes a man just wants to butter his own bread. - Okay, sorry. I was just-- Yeah, no, you're right, I-- - Look, don't get it twisted, okay? I love having you here. You're a great guest. I'm not sure how I feel about our other visitor, though. - Wells? - "Please, call me H.R." - So you don't like him? - Oh, it's not so much that I don't like him. I just--the way he says things, there's something about him. I don't know what it is. - Dude, he's only been here a few days; let him settle in. I know we've had our Wells issues in the past, but you can't just stop trusting everybody or giving them chances. You know? You can't live like that. - This is true. Wise words from a wise man. - Joe Knowledge. - I'm gonna take this to go. - Okay. All right. - Uh, I'll see you there. - Yeah. Oh, I can take you. - No. No. I'm gonna drive myself today. - Yeah, cool. Cool. [softdramaticmusic] ¶¶ - Can I help you? - I'm here to see Dr. Tannhauser. - Do you have an appointment? - No, but I'm pretty sure she'll see me. You can just tell her Caitlin Snow is here. - Dr. Tannhauser's a very busy woman. I'm sure you can understand. - I appreciate the diligence, Jackie, but Caitlin's always welcome here, even if I wish she'd call first. - Nice to see you too, Mom. - So what brings you here? I didn't forget your birthday, did I? I'm pretty sure I sent a card. - You did... in April. - Thank you. - Look, I read your new paper on applications in cryo-medicine, and I think you might be able to help. - I had no idea you kept up on the literature over at S.T.A.R. Labs. That's still what it's called, right? - Yes, and I have a patient who could use your help. - Well, if you want to send over the file, I'll be happy to take a look when I have a chance, but right now, I have a shareholder meeting to prepare for and-- - Mom! [ice crackling] ¶¶ I'm the patient. - Cancel my appointments, and have Nigel meet me in the bio-lab. We have work to do. -¶ Oh,oh ,oh ,oh ¶ ¶Oh,oh ,oh ,oh , oh,oh¶ -¶ Herewe go ¶ -¶ Sofallinlove and...¶ - Sumptuous day. Oh, no, on this Earth, I believe you say... - Good morning. - Good morning. And it is, isn't it? I mean... ¶¶ The music on your Earth, well, it strikes a chord, no pun intended. Please, help yourself. I find a crew works best when it's well-fed and well-rested. - Are those coffees for us too? - Yes indeed, Miss West. [chuckles] I took the liberty of reading through your ledgers last night. A lot of information to absorb, but let's see how I did. Skim milk chai latte. - Okay. - Okay. And an iced Americano with two--no, three shots of espresso. - Boom. - That happened, Walter. - Wally. - Wally. Now, for my fleet-of-foot friend-- oh, you'd best stick to decaf. - [chuckles] Probably for the best, yeah. - San Francisco. I have "prepar-ed" a French roast with a touch of creamer. - Thank you so much. - You're welcome. [chuckles] Did you know, on my Earth, coffee crop was wiped out by blight? I mean, that's one more reason to stay on this Earth, for the coffee alone. - Yeah, though that's if you stay. - If I stay. Time is of the essence. Here's what I propose, a series of team-building exercises. Now, I've hidden a series of clues all around the facility. What I propose is, we break into two groups, all right, and you can pick a partner; you're-- - Okay, okay. [laughs] I have to stop you, H.R. I am not feeling this. - It's the roast, isn't it? I should have gone with a dark-- - No, it's not the roast. The roast is fine. Our trust isn't something that you can just build with games. Okay? - No. - This is something that goes back three years. It's something that's been forged in fire, sometimes literally, so maybe you should just step back and observe, see what we do here, how we operate. Did you get that? - Excellent note. I'm gonna run with that. - Where's Caitlin, by the way? Have you-- - Yes. So she was here. - She was? - All right, yeah, you know, we talked, and she... - What? - Knocked back a triple-shot latte, and she left you a message, so I'm gonna-- Uh, I--yeah, let me just play it for you. This is not the same as my Earth's. This is a different-- There it is. -Hey,it 'sme . I'vegotsomethings Ineedto takecareof. Ishouldn'tbe gone morethanafew days. Seeifyoucan getalongwithoutme. MakesureCiscodoesn'ttouch mypizzapockets. - Wasn't labeled. - Okay, you know what, guys? I got to go to work. I'm running late. - Ooh, yeah. I got to do that too. - Yeah, let's go. - I got to bail. - Oh. You know, we'll do the team-building exercises another-- I'll leave the clues hidden in the facility. - Cool. How do you guys say "see you later" over there? - Ah. "Until next communion." - All right, see you later. - See you later. - So weird. -Come. - Hey, sorry I'm late. I had to meet somebody and-- - You can add tardiness to the list, Captain. - Allen, it's been brought to my attention that you've been giving yourself unauthorized access to your colleagues' case files. - Excuse me? - Along with multiple infractions, repeated absences, disappearing throughout the day, phone call interruptions, guests in the lab. The list is pretty extensive, Captain. - I'm sorry, with all due respect, I do my job here. - You do good work here, Allen. Don't put that in jeopardy by thinking the rules don't apply to you. Understood? - Yes, sir. - [scoffs] Sorry, Captain, that's it? Sir, I document eight different-- - Nine. - Nine different violations of regulations, and he gets a 15-second talking-to? Must be nice. - We are done here. You can go. - Captain. - Were you really just being a tattletale? That's bush league, man. - You know what? You're right. Silly me to think the rules actually apply to the golden boy of CCPD's crime lab. Detective. - He's unbelievable. - You know what? I wish you two could be a little less oil and water and a little bit more oil and vinegar. You guys have been at each other's throats for a year now. - That's just it. From my perspective, it's been two weeks. - So you're saying that before two weeks ago, you weren't Julian's enemy? - I'm saying before two weeks ago, Julian didn't even exist. - It's because of your Flashpoint. - I know it's because of the Flashpoint. [cell phone buzzing] Cisco. Hey,isthisimportant? - I don't know; does 30 hits downtown on the meta-human app count? - What are we looking at? -Well,nothingreally. Every traffic cam in a ten-block radius suddenly went down, so we're flying blind, and the hits are all over the map. - All right, well, there's one way to see what's going on. I got to go. -Mostof thechatter'scoming fromtheharbordistrict. - All right, I'm here. It's a bad scene, man. [people screaming] -Youshouldbe rightontopofit,Barry . Whatisit ? - It's a...monster? - [roars] [people screaming] - Guys, did you hear me? There is a monster in Central City. -Whatarewetalking? Yao Ming size or Andre the Giant? - No, it's, like, an actual monster. - What even makes that? - I don't even know that. - S.T.A.R. Labs satellite, show me something. Whoa. You ever see anything like that on Earth-19? - You want me to observe. I'll just observe. [dramaticmusic] - [growls] [tires squealing] ¶¶ [people yelling] - Iris, what are you doing here? - Working on a story, and last time I checked, you don't need super-speed and a red suit to help people. [both grunting] - All right, get out of here. I'm gonna try to stop that thing. - Come on, come on, come on. - Cisco, where'd it go? -Can'ttrackit ifI can'tseeit. - Know what you could do? Could use your ears. - My ears? [car alarm blaring outside] - What's that sound? - It's a car alarm; I can use the car alarms to track the direction the monster's heading in. We got him. Head north three blocks. [computer beeps] I lost him. - Yeah, me too. - I don't get it. I don't get it. - Every meta-human we've encountered has been exactly that, meta-human, so where did this thing come from? - I don't know where it came from, man. I just--it just vanished. That's all I know. It was gone. - Yeah, but in my experience, things are always different. - What? - Than they appear. There must be a reason the darn thing can just disappear like that. Maybe the darn thing's got some kind of cloaking mechanism. - That's a good idea, but right now, I would settle for "how can we stop it?" - Yes, obviously. - Just how? - I don't know. - We don't have a magic monster lasso. - But you know what we could-- Oh, sorry. I forgot. I'm just--I'm just observing. - No, H.R., please. We're open to any idea right now. - On my Earth, we have ropes made out of carbon fiber. They are ultralight but strong enough to pull a battleship; we could restrain it with that. Right? What do you think? - Okay, I think it's-- - Okay. - I think it's worth a shot; we can spin it down in my workshop. - Yes. Good. - Yeah, there was something else that was weird, though. I-I saw a transformer explode as this thing passed by it. - That is weird. - What's weird about that? - Monster didn't even lay a finger on it. It exploded before it got to it. - Kind of reminds me of that Hitchcock movie where the extra covers his ears before the gun goes off. - You have Hitchcock on this Earth? - Mm-hmm. - Oh, brilliant. "Murder on the Titanic"! "Who did it? Who cares? We're drowning." The beast must emit some kind of electrical pulse. Is there a way I could get a look at that transformer? - No. It's--the whole place is a crime scene now with Julian in charge of it. - Ah, Julian. Who's that? That's the CSI guy you don't like, right? - I mean... - Yeah, all right. - [whispering] He's great. - Sorry, cold hands. - I didn't even notice. - I'm Nigel, by the way. - Nice to meet you. - We're gonna help you figure this out, Caitlin. Let's get you to the lab. - What's this? - It's to test how your ability affects molecular motion. That shaft is solid tungsten, and it's heated to over 2,000 degrees centigrade. I want you to cool it down, and when we determine how you can do that, we can figure out the best way to help you. Best we could do in such little time. - So this is where you've been for the last hour. - I had to reschedule my day for this, Caitlin. A lot of things around here require my attention. - I remember. - [sighs] Whenever you're ready. [dramaticmusic] Don't hold back. ¶¶ - Hey, Julian. - Hmm. You seen this? It's bad enough we have the metas destroying the city. Now we have this thing to worry about. - Mm-hmm. - Is there any point in me asking where you've been for the last hour? Or should I just assume the rules still don't apply to you? - I was--I-- - Yes, okay. - Look, hey, man, so I know that... you and I, we got off on the wrong foot. We never managed to find the right one, and I'll take that. That's probably my fault, but I just-- I don't want things to be like that anymore, you know? I-I'd... like it if things changed. - It's funny, 'cause I remember you saying something similar to that right before you stole the case from underneath me. Do you have idea what it's like to work side by side with someone with such little regard for the rules? You may very well be contaminating my work. - That's exactly why I want to learn from you. - I don't follow. - I just--you know, whenever I read your reports, it's clear that your evidence collection techniques are far superior to mine. [clears throat] - [scoffs] Go on. - I don't know; I mean, if I could just shadow you for a day, maybe ask a few questions, I think that you could really help bring my skills up to...snuff. What do you say? - [scoffs] Sorry. - What if I gave up the lab? There's a storeroom downstairs that I could convert, so if you let me follow you on this case, lab's yours. - Lab's mine? Okay. Deal. You can't slow me down, though. - I would never. - All right. I'll call you. - How long have you had these abilities? - They started manifesting a few months ago, but I'm assuming I got them when the particle accelerator exploded, just like all the other metas. - And you haven't told anyone? - Just you. - I told you, you never should have taken that job at S.T.A.R. Labs. You could have stayed here, had access to world-class facilities. - And have all of my work be in the shadow of your reputation. - Of course, the only time you need your mother is when you're in trouble. - What's that supposed to mean? - Oh, come on, darling. You ran off to Central City to play scientist with that disgraced quack. - I was trying to make a name for myself. - For three years, barely a word, until trouble hits, and then here you come, walking through the door and expecting Mommy to drop everything in her life to try to fix it. - You have no idea what I've been through-- - Dr. Tannhauser, look at this. - She's absorbed all that energy? How? - I'm not sure yet, but if we can figure that out, this could change everything we're doing here. ¶¶ - So then The Flash--my Flash, again, not your Flash-- we hatched a plan to gather all the remaining meta-humans into one place for a final showdown. They called it "World War M." It was glorious. Two forces on opposing sides of the stadium. The tension built. No. It was like that movie where the gladiator was the lead gladiator. What was that called? - "Gladiator." - That's better; on my Earth, it was called "Sweaty Men," and that didn't take. So the two forces charge into battle, and when they do-- - I need to take a five. - Yeah, let's get out of here. Let's take a break. - By myself. - Yeah, you go ahead. I'll keep working on this. [sighs] [device beeps] So entry AAA:2. Plan is proceeding. Characters are in place. Nobody seems the wiser as to why I'm here. - Hey. - I had to give a witness report on the attack, and I thought I would make it a lunch date. - Yeah, cool. Clear a spot. Let's do this. Ahh. - Yeah. Are things any better with Julian? - Oh, my God, it's like, every time I try to get to know the guy, he does something that makes it really hard to. All I know now is that he dislikes meta-humans about as much as he dislikes me. - Maybe you should try and see things from his perspective. He might have a reason to dislike both of you that you don't know anything about. - Did you just hit me with a Joe-ism? - Well, sometimes he's right. Sometimes he's not. - Yeah. - Oh, speaking of which, I just saw him downstairs, and he was talking to the DA. He blew off a date with her. - I saw him do the same thing last week. I don't know. Maybe he's not into her. - No, he's into her. I mean, when I asked him about her, he basically told me to buzz off. - You're not too good at buzzing off, are you? - Nope. When it comes to my dad, no. [cell phone buzzes] - [groans] Well, look who it is. Looks like I have an opportunity to see things from Julian's perspective.... - Hmm. - Right now. Sorry about lunch. I got to go. - Mm. - See you later. Oh, I need that. - If you don't stop squirming, I'll never find a vein. - What exactly are you testing for now? - Any polymorphism that could help us understand how you're able to absorb that much energy from molecules to create gelid surroundings. - You realize I've run all of these tests already? - Then what was the point of coming here? - Seriously, Mom? I'm terrified of what I'm becoming. You realize you haven't asked me once how I'm feeling? - I'm trying to keep emotion out of this. Believe me, it's for your benefit as much as it is mine. - Right, because that's your specialty, isn't it? Being cold, just like after-- - After what? - After Dad died. - I did everything I could to save your father. - Well, you lost your daughter at the same time. - You're the one who went away, Caitlin. - Because I had to. You realize you never acted like my mother again after Dad got sick? You would barely even look at me. - I...couldn't handle the pain. My work got me through it. Losing someone like that, you have no idea what that feels like. - Actually, I do. My husband died over a year ago. - I'm sorry. - [sighs] Okay. What do you got? - I said get here quick, but that was... quicker than I expected. - Oh, no, yeah, it was a... crazy Uber driver. - Hmm. Well, the blast pattern and the scoring on the insulation suggests that it was a power surge that blew it out. - So it's a coincidence? - I highly doubt it. But I'll figure it out. Someone in this city has to do something about these metas. - What do you mean? We have a whole police force working to stop these metas. - No, you have The Flash. - So it's not just bad metas you don't like. It's all the metas. - I'm just saying that because of him, the police department has got lethargic. I mean, why do anything at all if The Flash is gonna save the day every time? It's a bit like you with rule breaking-- a momentary fix, and now you're lazy, sloppy. - Cool. Thanks. I think The Flash is actually a source of inspiration for the city. I think he kind of provides hope. - Yes, well, that's one of many things that we'll have to disagree on, Allen. - What? You see something? - A pattern. The creature's movements, they seemed random at first, but they were contained to a prescribed area. You know, like the creature was stuck in an invisible fence. - Traffic cameras were down, right? Maybe it was being watched or controlled by somebody that needed to keep it in visual range the entire time? - Constricting the creature's movements to the line of sight. That actually makes sense. Maybe there is a brain in there after all, Allen. [wire snapping, car alarm blaring] [intensemusic] Dispatch, this is CSI. I'm requesting immediate backup. The monster has been sighted by the harbor. - Hey, maybe we should split up. - That's a terrible idea. - Yeah, but we got to do something, right? Whoa. - Don't worry, I have four years' training in the military. - Uh, even still, since when does a CSI carry a gun? - Since there were monsters in our city. - All right, Jul- [roars] ¶¶ - Cheers. - You're leaving us? - Yeah. Things between my mother and me are... complicated. - We can help you. - I don't need your help with the science. I can do that on my own. I came here to get something from my mother that I realize now I'll never get. [door clicks shut] What are you doing? - Sorry, Frosty, but you're not going anywhere. - Let me out of here. Open these doors. - I said no! I am sick of working day after day, night after night, only to have my work benefit your mother. With the information I can get from you, I can finally get out of this place, so you're gonna stay here until I get everything that I need. - You are not going to test me. - Yes, I am. - No, Nigel. You are not going to test me, now or ever. - Wait, let go! Let go! Ah! - Caitlin! Don't do this! This isn't you! - You don't know anything about me, Mother. - I-I know I wasn't much of a mother, and I know I have a lot to make up for, but I know I didn't raise a killer. For whatever it's worth, I am so sorry. - It's worth a lot. - Now go. - What about-- - I-I'll take care of him. No one will ever know about this. I promise. - Thank you. - Just go. - Every time there's been a sighting of the monster, multiple transformers have blown. - Hmm, so it's definitely feeding off electricity. - Mm-hmm, and see, I mapped out all the streets that it's been spotted around. Never leaves a ten-block radius. - You know, this is exactly what I was talking about. Some meta's been gifted this incredible power, and this is the very best thing they can do with it-- terrorize a city. It's pathetic. - Why exactly do you hate metas so much? - If you think I'm gonna break down now and tell you that one killed my parents and that's why I have to do this job, I'm not, okay? I don't need a deep, personal reason to hate metas, Allen. I just need to see person after person transformed, given these extraordinary abilities, and watch them be squandered. Robbing banks, hurting people, spreading fear. It's just-- well, it's not just a crime. It's an absolute waste. I mean, can you imagine what it would be like to have those powers? I mean, I would be helping people. I would be improving the world. I guess I wasn't one of the chosen few, was I? - That's it? You're mad at them because you weren't chosen? Sorry, I mean, I'm just saying, it can't be easy being a meta-human, having your life--their lives change in ways that, you know, neither one of us could possibly imagine. It's got to take some adjusting. - Right. So now you're defending them? - Well, no, I mean, I'm-- I don't think that-- - This internship thing we're doing is completely over. - Whatever. Transformers are the key. - No, I agree-- - Anytime the monster's shown up, any nearby have exploded. - They blow up. - Car alarms keep malfunctioning too. - Car alarms, transformers. What is the connection? Yeah, we'll get there, fellas. We'll get there. We just got to keep trying. - Maybe someone's pulling power out of the transformers and using it to power the monster. - Power-- yes, the monster. That's--ah, you just beat me to it, San Francisco. - [chuckles] See, that can't be it, H.R. - Can't be it-- - 'Cause we would have detected a surge in the power grid. - We did not. - Not if it was broadcast power or something like a portable Tesla tower. - A portable Tesla power. - Tower. - Tower. That's what it is. Nice. Mm, mm. Teamwork, hmm? So PS, where I'm from, on my Earth, we call that a problem solved. I'm gonna go for coffee. On my Earth, the coffee was wiped out by blight. - Blight, yeah. - Can you imagine? - He didn't really do anything, did he? - Thank you. Took me a while to realize it, but he's just resaying everything that we're saying in a different way. - No, he did have the idea for the rope. - Ah, ah, reverse inception. He made you think he had the idea for the rope, but he didn't even tell us how to use it. - Okay, well, we're not gonna be caught off guard again. We should vibe him. - It'd be my pleasure. - Hey-oh. - Hey, baby girl. - Hey. - You've been hanging out here a lot lately. - Yeah, well, there's a lot of scared people with this monster running around the city. - Oh, we'll get him. We always do. - Oh, yeah? Is that a quote I can use for my article? - No. - All right. It was worth a try. Dad, you know Wally and I are all right, right? - What is that supposed to mean? - We just don't want you to not do things because of us. You know, we just want you to...find someone. - I'm not having this conversation with you. - Dad, that DA is totally into you. You should go out with her. - Iris, I don't need you to be Cupid. I got my job. I got you, Barry, Wally. I'm good. - I know, Dad, and that's great. I just-- Now that I'm falling in love with someone, I just want you to have the same thing. - Joe? Alert every task force and sniper unit. Tell 'em to load up. - I should get to S.T.A.R. Labs. - What's up? - Albert thinks he's figured out the creature's next target. - Well, if there's ever an opportunity for a 40-foot monster to wreak havoc, it's gonna be where people like to gather. 2nd Street Promenade. - Well, let's end this. - That's what I intend to do, Detective. - Where'd he go? - Doesn't matter. I don't need him. - What do you mean? What do you--hey, dude. Come on, you can't just go through his stuff; that's not- [scoffs] I'm not going through his stuff. See, this is what I'm talking about. What even is this? [device beeps] -NowIseemtohavewon mostoftheteam'strust, exceptFrancisco's. - Those are my things. What are you doing? - What are you doing? - What? - Who are you really? We know you're hiding something. - You've been burned, twice... by a man with the same face as me. I imagine it's hard to trust after something like that. - You think? - I do think. So play... the rest of it. I'vereadhisjournals. Ifoundnothing thatcantellme whyFranciscofeels thewayhe does, butI dohopeIcanchange hisopinionof HarrisonWells andthetwoofuscan rebuildthatfriendship. Whata fantasticC-story toweavewithinthe narrative. [device beeps] - What? - What narrative? - Narrative. I'm writing a novel. "The Tales of H.R. Wells." Catchy, I know. [laughs] - Wait, I'm sorry, you're a scientist and a novelist? - Yes. - Wow. That's perfect. - Thank you. That's exactly right. I'm a scientist and a novelist; I run S.T.A.R. Labs, and also I'm an author of science-romance. That's my niche. Write what you know. And I thought, "Well, what better opportunity "than to come to another Earth and pen yet another best seller about my adventures here?" - Why didn't you just tell us this in the first place? - I guess it didn't seem relevant, and also, I didn't think you guys were gonna rifle through my belongings. That's all it is. I'm a scientist and a novelist. Do you think you can trust me now, or is that not something that you have on this Earth, trust? - Trust? - Oh! [laughs] You scared the dickens out of-- - Trust who? [cell phone buzzing, computer beeping] - It's the app. - It's the monster. It's back. - Monster? - Yeah, you've missed a lot. I'll explain upstairs. - Well, I'll just stay here, then. - Come on. We need you. [people screaming] - All right, guys. I'm here. - Tell us everything that you see right now. - Mayhem. - [roars] - And the monster. - [roars] - Okay, so what's the plan? - Great question, Miss West. So we fashioned just a carbon fiber rope, but correct me if I'm wrong, we never actually discussed how he was gonna use that rope, did we? - Guys. -Barry,we 'regonna do" Empire." "Empire of the Sun," Barry. - What? "Empire Strikes Back." - What? - "Empire Strikes Back," Barry. - Just take it down like it was an AT-AT. - Just like an AT-AT. - "Bigger they are, the harder they fall." Even I've seen "Empire." - I like that. - I like you. [people yelling] - All right, here we go. I always wanted to be a Jedi. [intensemusic] ¶¶ [grunts] Guys? Rope went right through it. It's a hologram. - That explains everything-- the ten-block radius, the transformers. It takes that much power to render. - Wait, CCPD sent snipers there. - If it's not real-- - Then the bullets will pass right through it. -Guys,it 'sgone. Whereisit ? - Hold on. Give me a sec, Bar. - Okay, we don't have a second! - H.R., triangulate the signal being sent to the monster. We have to disrupt it before anyone gets hurt. - Okay, let's do that now. Let's--let's just triangulate. The computer doesn't triangulate... - What? - The signal the way-- not the way I'm used to-- this is a different size computer for-- - Oh, my God. I knew it. - What? - You're a fake. - What? - What? - What? - This whole time, he's been acting like he can help us, but he can't because he doesn't now how, does he? - How? Triangulate! -Guys,whichway ? - Get the-- - All right, you take over. - Found it. It's at 2nd and Fulton. - [roars] ¶¶ [people screaming] - I have a lock on the target. - Fire when ready. ¶¶ - Stop! Stop firing! It's a hologram! - Hold your fire! Hold your fire! - A hologram? Where'd it go? - Detective West, where's Julian? - He was here! - Cisco, I need that location. - Hamilton building, 25th floor. There's more power going there than anywhere else in the building combined. - Line of sight to all the attacks. That's where he is. - I said put your hands up! This is CCPD! Freeze! Stop what you're doing! I said put your hands up! ¶¶ - [grunts] - You're just a kid. - Yeah, a kid you almost killed! You're gonna pay for that one, buddy. You're gonna-- - Yeah, I don't think so, man; I think you're the one that's gonna be paying for all the damage you did to this city... for a very long time. - [groans] [whimpering] - Hey, Flash. Thank you. - You're welcome. - [panting] - Do you realize how many innocent people could have been hurt, or worse? What made you do something like this? - I just wanted to feel powerful for a change. - And that did it? Scaring people? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it did. You know, the kids at my school, they tease me every day. I'm a weirdo there. And I'm just sick of feeling scared all the time. I just wanted someone else to feel that way for a change. - Look, I know sometimes things are hard at your age. But trust me, it does get better. - So what happens now? - Well, there are severe consequences for what you did, and you're just gonna have to accept that, but listen, you're young. You can turn all of this around. All right. Come on. - You were named Entrepreneur of the Decade by "Tech Magazine"? - That's right. - Is any of what's on here true? - All of it. - How? You can barely turn on a computer. - There are two parts to every idea. There is the inception and the execution. I provide the former. - So you come up with the ideas? - Yeah, I don't know how to implement them. I'm the idea man. - So you didn't actually solve the cryptogram that we sent you? - No, that was my partner at S.T.A.R. Labs on my Earth. I'm the face of the company. I'm more of the inspiration behind the company. Then I was exposed. Well, people thought that I was something that I-I guess I wasn't. Anyway, it--it kind of all fell apart for me. But then I got your message. My partner brought me your message. I realized he's bringing me an opportunity to come to this Earth to write this book. - So many planets in the multiverse, and we happen to pick the one Wells who's not a scientist. - You're right. I wasn't completely honest with you-- with all of you. I feel badly about that. I regret that. But let me ask you a question. Has there been none amongst you that has ever shaded the truth for what you believe to be the greater good? - It sounds to me like you're a con man. all: Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - Was I a con man when I showed San Francisco here how to track the beast using car alarms? Was I a con man when I showed him how to fashion a rope using carbon fiber? - I came up with those ideas! - You were prompted by my suggestions. - Oh. - That is how ideas work! People, you need a muse! I can be your muse. - What about stopping all the metas on your Earth? - More of an advisory role for me, but I was there. I remembered how we--you don't think that's something? Let me present you with a scenario. You're confronted with something, a threat that you've never seen before. You don't know how to stop it. Who does? That's value to you. Let me prove my worth to you. If I fail, I will "pfft" right back to my Earth, but if I succeed, I will have succeeded not just in redeeming myself but also... will have done some good with my life. - You know, you're lucky we're pretty big on redemption and doing good here, so I think you can-- I don't know-- stay for a few weeks, try to prove yourself, but if not, "fyoo," back to your Earth. - Thank you. - Hey, no more repackaging. - Word is bond. - That--just no more that. - All right, H.R. - Okay. - Where you been? - I actually went to visit my mother. - Your mother? - Mm-hmm. - Oh, boy. Why? - To see if we could work through some of our issues. And I think we might actually be on the road to recovery. - When it comes to family, you got to do whatever it takes, 'cause one day, you might not be able to do that anymore. Glad you're back. - This is home. - I nearly killed a kid tonight. The monster we were chasing, it turns out it was just a hologram, operated by a 15-year-old boy. Flash came to save the day. And he saved me from doing something-- - I heard. - You know what's sad? That kid, he's just acting 'cause he's scared, you know? He wants everyone to be terrified and to run away from the monster so he can feel powerful. I know what that's like. - How do you mean? - I come from a pretty wealthy family... [laughs] Back in England. It's a long line of generations of old money, tradition-- nonsense, really. And I was the heir. I was their firstborn son. I was supposed to inherit the lot. But I was the odd duck... [laughs] Who would rather go in the garden and collect samples of insects.... [laughs] Rather than learn how to tie a Windsor knot or which fork to use first at dinner. Yeah. No, I wanted more. You know? I came here to do the one thing that they couldn't stop me from doing: becoming a scientist-- becoming a great scientist. And then just as I got to the top of my field, poof, the world changes overnight. Meta-humans. I don't know a single thing about meta-humans. I don't know how they talk. I don't know how they walk. I certainly don't know the first thing about stopping them, so... rendered useless. I suppose that's the monster that I'm running from now: just feeling powerless. - Yeah, I feel the same way some days, Julian. I lost my mom when I was a kid. Lost my dad recently. It's a scary world. People die. Trusts are betrayed. Things change. But change can be a good thing, you know? It can bring new experiences, new opportunities, people. You can treat 'em like a potential enemy or like a new friend. Just trust that everything's gonna be okay. - Yeah, maybe you're right. [chuckles] You can stop. You can stay. I was really wrong about The Flash, so I could be wrong about you too. Good night, mate. - Julian? You want to get a drink? - Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. - All right. Let's do it. -Caitlin,I'vebeengoing overthedatawecollected, andI found somedisconcertingresults. Yourbody'schemistry ischangingin ways thatI don'tfullyunderstand, butonethingisclear. Thesepowersyouhave, themoreyouuse them, themoredifficult they're going to be to reverse. I'msorry,honey, butlistento me . Youmustnotuse thesepowers underanycircumstances. [dramaticmusic] ¶¶ - Greg, move your head. I think you'd make a fantastic supervising producer on 'The Breakfast Bar'. - Wow! Thank you. Wow. - Are you interested? Yes, I am. I think I'm being replaced. I've heard some rumours. The thing is, who would they replace me with? I mean, I feel quite relieved I've made a decision, finally, you know? How does this sound? "Hi, my name is Lily Woodward "and I am the new supervising producer of 'The Breakfast Bar'." Surprise! Job's yours. Good luck. It's for 30,000. I was gonna wait till the baby was born, but I thought you could use it now to get set up. - It's nothing to Mitchell. - That's not the point! I don't want to be 30 grand in debt to your ex-boyfriend. - Hey. - You know what, Mitchell? This whole situation is just getting a bit much. - In what way? - You're always here or on the phone. - This is Anouk. I work with her. - Good to meet you. - Good to meet you too. - This is Pete. You interested in writing something nobody reads? Good. Well, there's a job that pays peanuts that's yours if you want it. Thank you. - Are you interested in Jack? - No. If you lie to me, I can't be your friend and that would break my heart. - Can you feel this? - Yeah. - What the hell is she doing? - Oh! Bloody hell! Simone! So you don't feel anything for me? I'm stuck. Happy birthday, Lily. I love your face... I love your face. - Hey. - Hey. You know when the baby is small, it'll be in with us. Uh, yeah. But what about after that? Um... Can't we just clear out the second bedroom? Have you ever thought about moving to the country? Nope. Well... I was talking to Lily's dad last night about the ecohouse he built. Mmm. And I think it'd be nice to raise a family in the country. You know, like kids riding around on bikes and big blue skies. Fruit trees. Yeah, I mean, if you get someone else to pick the fruit. It's not that I'm bad in the kitchen. It's just that I'm limited. But what I do make, I make very well. Like what? I don't want you to laugh, but I'm really good at making popcorn. So you can open a packet and put corn into some oil? If only it were that simple. It seems, my friend, that I can teach you a thing or two because you missed out the most important step, which is putting on the lid. - I learnt that the hard way. - I'm impressed. Yeah, the packet says four minutes, but it's actually 3 minutes and 45 seconds and that's where you can run into all sorts of lid issues. Lid issues? Can you walk me through it again? - Shut up. Shut up! - I get the packet... - I'd like to try your popcorn. - No, no, no. I don't need your judgement in my kitchen. I promise to avoid all judgement. - Hey, Jack. - Simone. Uh, didn't mean to just turn up on you which is also not true. But I did try and call. And then I thought I would surprise you with a thank-you breakfast. Um, seeded ficelle and pistachio torsade. I don't actually know what that is, but it's not easy buying breakfast for a celebrity chef. You don't need to thank me. I'm appalled at my behaviour last night and I'm grateful that you helped me regain a small scrap of dignity. What can I do to get you to forgive me? Already forgiven. Really, it's... it's no big deal. It's what friends do. Uh, call me if you want to hang out. Definitely. Definitely. Well, um enjoy your breakfast, then. Lily? What are you doing? I wasn't gonna invite her in. I'm stuck. This is a serious achievement. This was a huge mistake. Simone is my best friend. I know it's complicated right now, but we can work it out. What am I supposed to say to her? "I'm sorry, Simone, I drank too much last night "and made a stupid decision to sleep with Jack." There's a little more going on than that. - Oh, Jesus, it's Simone. Don't reply. Just talk to her when you're ready. Mm... I've gotta go. Thank you. I'm sorry. You bought me breakfast and everything. You can thank Simone for that, actually. She wanted to surprise me. See, now I'm even eating behind her back. Jesus Christ. What happened to you? I slept with Jack. Wow. I did not expect that. And it gets worse. I told Simone that I stayed at your place. What? Why? 'Cause she turned up to Jack's house and she was texting me and I panicked. Well, what are you gonna do? Oh... Oh, I figure, well, there are three options. One, I tell her the truth. Two... I lie to my oldest friend. Or, three, I go home, climb into bed and say nothing. - Well, I think you... - No, I'm gonna tell her the truth. I'm gonna look her in the eye and say, "I slept with Jack," and then beg for forgiveness. Bloody hell, Lil. Just be careful. You know, once you say it, you can't take it back. She's my oldest friend. I hate myself. - Hey. - Hi. - What are you doing here? - Hey. Well, I didn't want to announce it at your party, but I got a place. - Move in next week. - Wow! Congrats, mate. That's awesome. How did you manage to keep this a secret? Uh, just the standard method, by telling no one. Does Mum know? That's where having a baby sister's gonna come in handy. I want this place. I went around to Jack's this morning. I thought he had someone there. - I'm a train wreck. - You're not, Sim. I'm sorry about last night, Lily. It's okay. I had too many shots. I know. But when I sat on Vincent's lap, I never thought for a moment that we could fall over. I ruined the party. You really didn't. I don't think anyone noticed. I noticed! And I'm... I'm pretty sure everyone else noticed. Sim, um... Did you stay at Pete's because you didn't want to come home? No, we just went back there and I fell asleep on the couch. - Hi. - Hi. Um, listen. I know you've been thrown in the deep end and I'm here to make sure you know that I'm on your team. - Thank you. - Yeah. And I know you gals get all anxious about things and of course, uh, men often get great advice from other men, so I want to share with you the three pointers I was given when I started working in television. - You might wanna write 'em down. - No, it's all right. - I'm sure I'll remember them. - Okay. One, learn how to play golf 'cause anyone who's anyone plays golf. Contacts are way more important than talent. I mean, you saw what happened to Sasha. You know what? If she'd spent more time at the 19th hole with the big man... she'd have had a job for life even if she was crap. - Wow. - Mmm. - Um, two. Don't waste time on celery. - Celery? Yes, you know, we've all spent hours chewing that shit and we've hated it. I'm using 'celery', by the way, as a metaphor for 'content'. Now, content matters and celery is... Well, you know, celery... - You know what a metaphor is, right? - Yes. Thank you for coming by, Eric, but, you know, I actually have a meeting pretty much now, actually. Oh, okay... Oh, hang on! Three, don't screw the crew. You won't have to write that one down 'cause everyone knows that. Okay, I know this is short notice, but upstairs have said yes to trialling a new segment and I want to focus on women in the workplace. Now, I've got some great ideas and I'm really looking forward to hearing all of yours. The door to my office, always open. Did you actually get this approved? Not yet, but I will. Now, smart is what we're looking for. I'm thinking an international piece. Women in the boardroom perhaps. Well, I'm smart and I don't wanna watch this. Women hold only 12% of boardroom seats worldwide and only 4% actually chair boards. We could interview some of these women about how they got where they are today, the hurdles, the challenges and the achievements. It will be uplifting, powerful and insightful. Now, the only problem is Eric. How do we get him on board? I mean, you know he'll get all "political correctness gone too far" with it. Alice, I want you to talk to him. Tell him we want his input. I'm all over it. Also, someone needs to take over producing Jack. May I put my hand up for that job? Yes. Also, Alice, I want you to step up and start producing some of your own segments. - Really? - Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're not gonna regret this... at all. I better go find Eric. Nikkii, phone mirror down. Mmm! - Avocado and sardines? - Mm-hm. Can you pass the basil? Isn't it beautiful? Yeah, if you like living in the middle of nowhere. - Daylesford's not nowhere. - Hang on. - Are you serious about this? - Well, I'm considering it. If I sell this place and the cafe, I could buy it and be mortgage-free. Yeah, and employment-free. Can you open your mind to it? Hang on, since when did we go from needing a spare room for the baby to packing up and moving to Daylesford? Can you open your mind to it? Who am I gonna review? I mean, there's the same fiddle band every second Tuesday night. Why is your first reaction always negative? Oh, my God, if I disagree with you about anything, then you say I'm not being open to it. It's like if you picked up a gun and announced you were gonna shoot someone and I tried to stop you, it's like I'm still just not being open to it. What? Sometimes I wonder what is underneath all this anger, Pete. Anger. Anger's underneath this anger. And then another layer of anger. I'm like an anger onion. Okay. Well, I'm gonna check it out and Mitchell's offered to come with me and we're gonna go tomorrow morning. Has Mitchell? Wonderful. Well, you and Mitchell have a wonderful time in the fields. - Hi. - Hi. Would you like to try my gulalung salsa? Yep, sure. I know you're freaked out. I've really been thrown in the deep end. And because of that, you no longer have to make any decisions regarding food. I'm making it safer for everyone. It's completely unprofessional to sleep with the talent. "The talent"? Meet your new producer! Yay! Oh, what are these? Little cucumbers? Uh, finger lime or gulalung. Oh, what language is that? Uh, Bundjalung. Gulalung. So cute! I'm helping Vincent move tonight so, um, we'll catch up tomorrow? Sure. Hmm! Wow, it... That looks good! Oh! So when do you move? Well, it's empty so... tonight. There's just a few things to go from here and everything from storage is there. Already? I didn't want to worry you, Mum. Um... Wow. Lil will, um... She can help you with the rest of this stuff. - I would just get in the way. - Mum, don't be like that. What? No, no! I was gonna play tennis tonight. - Mum, you've been amazing. - Bye. Good luck. Yep. - She didn't cry. - She's crying. She's crying right now. I bet your father knows. Ha! I can tell by that look. What? Anthony's going over to help him unpack? Mum, Vincent just wants his own place. And you know what? The place is great. The kitchen bench is too high. The cupboards are unreachable. - And what about the bathroom? - What about it? - There are no rails! - Mum... Oh, I... You did such a good job of pretending to be happy for him. - I'm really, really proud of you. - Thank you. - Okay. - I knew you stole this! - Hello! - You weren't using it. - Hey, Dad! - Hey! - Hi. - Hi, Lil. Hey, mate. How are you? I thought a bit of a housewarming drink might be in order. We can't stop now, Dad. Look at the mess this place is in. It's fine, everyone. Really. I've got it. It's fine. I can come back tomorrow. No! I can do it. It's fine. All right. You could come to dinner, though, if you wanted. Yeah. Hey, Pete, where's the lady? Oh... she's at home. - Get that into ya, mate. - Family and friends. Family and friends! Hey! Whee! There go you, buddy. Congrats. I've had the greatest idea. You said your door was always open. Well, the door was actually closed, but... So when it's closed, it's not open? - Tell me. What is it? Tell me. - Ready for this? A date with Jack. Who's Jack dating? Nobody. But let's be honest. We all want to be. - So why not auction him off? - On air? A charity fundraiser for, like, a women's refuge or something. We could use vox pops from Dale's interviews with survivors. - Vox pops on domestic violence? - Only the positive, upbeat ones. No. No, Nikkii. Just no. No. There's no way Jack's gonna agree to being auctioned off on air anyway. Well, I'm sure you know him better than anyone else, so... You know, I'm just a huge supporter of women. Fantastic because I... There's not enough of them at the top. I want to be around to address that, okay? Now, what I always say is, "Better to be part of the solution than part of the question..." - Problem. - Problem. That's right. Yes. You are sharp. On that note, I'd like to start targeting professional women with a new segment. I like it. In the past, all the items we've run on women in business have had a really great response... Uh-uh-uh. Okay, you've just identified a major problem right there. Problem? The past. We're all about the future. What about... future women in politics? Hmm, too risky. We've got some good prep on a domestic violence segment. No. I mean, really? Does anyone want to wake up to breakfast on a Saturday to that? The new segment needs to be less about women and more for them. Like, what do women want? - I'm... - What do the partners of women want? What do the children of women want? What do you want? - An on-air auction, live. - Give me more. Uh, audience bidding and, um, Jack cooks dinner for you at his restaurant. - It was actually Nikkii's idea. - Yes. - But I don't... - I love it! A date with Jack. That's gold! It wouldn't really be a date, but... - Women love Jack. - Yep. A date with Jack, a hot date with Jack. - Lil, how's it going? - Hi. I'm just hoping we can maybe do some more things from the road now 'cause, you know, Sasha always said no 'cause of budget. The budget's still the same, Hamilton. Yeah, I understand that, but what I'm thinking is weather from Antarctica, right? Okay, so there's the global warming thing there, but I'm thinking we can do a Bear Grylls thing as well, like, "Oh, no. Hamilton's trapped in a snow cave. "Can he get back to the studio?" I don't really have time to talk now. - I need to find Nikkii. - Yeah, of course. I've actually got a really detailed PowerPoint presentation I can email through. Okay. Fantastic. Or possibly if you want, 'cause it's a massive file, maybe I'll do it on a thumb drive or I could burn a CD. - For you what's better? - Either is fine. - Lily! - Hi. I wanna say I was so excited when I found out you got the promotion. - You're an amazing mentor. - Aw, thank you. Oh. See ya. Who is that? I'll do a thumb drive. Hey, I've been looking for you. How about dinner, tonight? Alice said you were looking for me? - Yes. - Yes? Alice told me you'd had a great idea of auctioning Jack. I know, which is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. You know it's bad karma to take credit for someone else's idea, especially when you told them that the idea was stupid. I didn't take credit for it, Nikkii, and I didn't say it was stupid. I said no. But upstairs love it so I need you to get Jack to agree to do it. Why don't you ask him? You two seem to have a great relationship. I thought you were Jack's producer, Nikkii. Just a suggestion. You and Jack, it's obvious. But not everyone around here is a "people reader" like me. So your secret's safe. Nikkii, just so we're clear, my relationships, personal or professional, are actually none of your business. I want that auction sorted. End of story. You know, I really admire you. Taking your boss's job isn't easy. But then again neither is taking your best friend's boyfriend. Oh, shit! Yeah, coming! Yeah, hold on! Yeah, coming! Hello? - Whoa! - Hey. A little bit of mess. I thought Dad and Lils were gonna help you unpack. - Whoa, God! - Yeah, they... it's... Oh, no. Not helping. - Mum, I can do it. - Yeah, no, no. I'm not helping. I'm not even here. Huh! - Hey, Lil, we should get going. - Oh, shit! Pete, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot about the gig. You're not coming? There are some issues with the show and I haven't had a chance to talk to Jack about everything. Yeah, I guess you gotta catch him up on your lies. Don't say that. I just wish you hadn't implicated me. I don't... I don't want to be part of lying to Simone. I'm sorry. Yeah, 'bye. Okay, I've got to admit it is pretty good. Apart from the unreachable cupboards and the benches are too high. Ooh! Don't. You'll cut yourself. Mum. - Sorry. - Thank you. So who is she? I'm not telling. Come on! Well, okay. I'd better go, then. Thanks, Mum. - See you, darling. - Love you. Whoo-hoo! I'm expecting a good review. These guys should have made it 10 years ago. Uh, yeah, I agree. It should have happened with their first album. Are you looking for anything in particular or just a bit of everything, the band, the crowd, the energy? Start with a bit of everything. Okay. There's nothing the music world needs more than great journalism. It's the only way stupid people develop taste. I guess so. Oh, the place looks amazing. I still feel bad about toppling you over the other night. It wasn't a problem. - Nearly killed you. - It wasn't your fault. Yeah, I'm gonna blame that terribly drunk lap dancer. Ah, yeah, her. I had a really good time with her. She's also pretty beautiful. Oh... It's too much, isn't it? Um... I'm at a bit of a turning point in my life right now. I, for some reason, keep choosing relationships that are really bad for me and even when they're good, I screw them up. It's really just about me figuring out... me. And also I promised Lily I wouldn't have meaningless sex with you. Uh, that's a bummer because meaningless sex would have been great. Oh, dear. - I know! - Uh? What even was that? I don't know. It was a bit like Zeppelin and... - The Cure as well. It was amazing. - Yes, exactly what I was thinking. Do you want to come back and I'll show you what shots I took tonight? I just live around the corner. Uh... Yeah. Pete. What the hell are you doing? How was dinner with the chef? I didn't go. Come inside, you idiot. Ugh! So where's Meredith? - What? - Meredith. The mother of your soon-to-be child. What are you doing? I'm going to work. Now? Today is my first show in my new role. Mmm, you're gonna smash it. Meredith has gone to the country with Mitchell. Why? Maybe she's supposed to be with him. Don't say that. I'm not sure I'm supposed to be with her. That's stupid. We're not supposed to be with anyone. Okay, talk later? Oh! Please tell me this means Jack is on board. Nikkii got him. Which makes him way more shallow than I thought. He said he's happy to do it. He said he likes the segment idea and he wants to support Project Safe House. No one here is concerned about auctioning a man to fund a charity that supports women completely traumatised by men? No. I thought I should say sorry. You texted that. I know, but I thought I should say it again. Now, my first thought is that we stop all contact outside of work and important meetings for at least three months. That gives me time to consolidate my career here at the network. And I also think the whole you-and-I thing needs to be kept a secret. So I really need you to be on board with that. Simone will eventually start seeing or dating someone else and that will really help and then maybe... Well, then maybe we can talk. - About what? - About you and I. I'm not someone you can slot into your life when it suits you. How dare you create some sort of relationship timetable and expect me to sign off on it? What we have or had is not some segment for you to produce. What's up with the man of the moment? I need him in wardrobe. I'm thinking we can ramp up his hot date factor for the auction. - Great. - So do I have free rein? He is definitely wearing clothes, Nikkii. Yes. Oh... Yes. Have a good show, everyone. - Good luck, Lily. - And five, four, three, two. Camera 2. Good morning and welcome to 'The Breakfast Bar' with me Eric Albrectson and of course the beautiful Erica Jones. Oh-ho-ho! Do you know what? We've got a surprise in store today. To raise money for Project Safe House, we've decided to auction off a studio valuable. Yes, it's a dinner with our resident chef and possibly the most genuine gentleman I've ever met, Mr Jack Winters. Whoo! Smooth! - Oh, give us a spin. - You like? Yeah? - Looking good! - Fantastic. It's getting so hot in here, I might need to take all my clothes off. Just letting you know you said that out loud. Oh, look, it's an absolute privilege to raise funds for the survivors of domestic violence. The volunteers at Project Safe House give hours and hours of time to help women and children in crisis and my contribution is really nothing in comparison. Seriously, the whole of Australia is going to be in love with him by 10:00am. But tell us about this date. What happens? Will you cook for me? Well, are you thinking of making a bid, Erica? Because I would love to cook for you. - Ooh! - Well, you're only human. All right, let's get the bidding started, then. Tell our viewers how they can win a date with Jack. Well, you can make a bid directly on our website. Whoa. 23 bids in the first two minutes. Australia is frothing for Jack Winters! Jack, I do have a confession to make. I am a big dessert girl. Shocking sweet tooth. Well, deconstructed banoffee pie is a classic from a new angle. Ooh, stop it! My mouth is watering already. Didn't expect that to happen. Too much cream. Erica, we've hit 2,700 with Jemima1. Oh, we have Jemima1 in the lead with a bid of 2,700. And we're going to a commercial in five, four, three... - Alice, can you get me some comments? - ...two. Eric, we'll get some bidder comments down to you for you to read out. Can you take them down and give them to the floor manager? No, no, no, I don't want to read bloody bidder's comments. I mean, how is that journalism, Lily? Honestly. I know how important this cause is to you and I want the viewers to know that too. Your endorsement gives our segment integrity. Five, four, three, two... Camera one on Eric. Well, Sandy from Williamstown says she'd like to make Jack a part of her complete breakfast. Well, Sandy, that's why we have him on 'The Breakfast Bar', don't we? You know, I was auctioned once. Oh, Jesus, Lily, can I move off him, please? - As quickly as you can. - How did that cattle sale go, Eric? I need to see the candlelit table and Erica is to join Jack. Can you get one of our bidders so we can put them through to Eric? - I'm on it. - This really is a dream date. Now, look, I have to ask you, Jack. Our highest bidder, can they just request any meal they wish? Not exactly. You tell me anything you don't like, I'll work around that. But I'm hoping to give the winner some new taste sensation. Yum! Hey guys, we've got a bidder on the line. Hello there, bidder. What's your name? Yeah, hi. My name's Duncan. Hello, Duncan. Glad you could phone in, mate. So, Duncan, tell me, why do you want to have dinner with Jack? I really like the stuff he cooks. - Eric is loving this. - I think he's a good guy. That's great, Duncan. Now, Jack, I'm sure that this is the question on all of our viewers' lips. I have to ask... are you single? - Yes, I'm... I'm single. - What? ! No partner! I have to say, I'm shocked. Well, it's hard working like I do. Between the restaurant and the show, there's just no time. - Yeah. - Update? Uh... Sassydame86 just bid $3,900! Sassydame86 just bid $3,900. Wow. That's... that's a bid of $3,900. Sassydame86. And I'm pretty sure that Jack is worth every cent. Oh, Duncan, did you hear that? Can you give me Sassydame's email address? There you go. You're no longer the leading bid! Dale, can you take over for five minutes? Sure. - Lils, did you see? - You have to stop bidding. - Why? - You just... You can't. - It's perfect. - It's a televised dinner. - I know. - A televised dinner! Not the way to try and get back together when it already didn't work out. Did Jack tell you to call me? No, no, he didn't, Sim. I just... I don't want you to embarrass yourself. I don't care if I look stupid. Jack was great to me and, in a way, I rejected him. I want to do something to fix that. What will you do, go on TV and say you're sorry for doing coke and sleeping with Lucas? What's going on, Lil? Has he spoken to you since you turned up at his house with breakfast? No, he hasn't. Please, Sim, just leave it alone. I don't... I don't want you to be embarrassed. How do you know I brought him breakfast? Lily. Sim... Yep. I'll eat anything Jack gives me. Yeah. I fear where this might lead. - Duncan won. - I'm pretty excited. Congratulations, Duncan from Geelong. $5,100. What a bid that is! What a bid indeed. Hey, Duncan, make sure you get your money's worth. And I was right. What do you mean by that, Eric? Like to be a fly on the wall on that date! Oh, God, get off Eric. He's gonna say something homophobic. Jack, can you give me a wind-up for about 30 seconds? To everyone who bid today, I'm humbled by the interest you've shown in Project Safe House... Look at that dimple! There is nothing more important to me than getting men in behind the campaign to stop violence. Duncan, you took the lead here, mate, so you sound like you're definitely my kind of guy. Look forward to meeting you soon. Bring on the pink dollar sponsors, people! Erica, back to you. Do not let Eric say anything. - Camera one. - Thank you, everyone. And thank you to our ever generous chef. Enjoy your Saturday. We'll be back tomorrow morning with Jack to spice up your weekend. 'Bye! That was a great first show, Lily. Thanks to all of you. Sim... Sim, I'm really, really sorry. It was a huge, stupid mistake and it will never happen again, I promise. The problem is, Lil... it's not about the sex. You lied to me. I know. I wanted to tell you. But I... I didn't want to ruin our friendship. What about Jack? He must have been in on it. And Pete. He must have known. No, Pete... It wasn't... it wasn't like that. You were at Jack's when I was there. Did you know it was me? I hid in the wardrobe. You're pathetic. I... Do you love him? Do you love Jack? 'Cause that's the only way that this will make any sense. I don't... I don't know what to say. I'll do anything, I'll do anything, please. You used to say that I had bad taste in boyfriends. But maybe the real problem was just... bad taste in friends. I'm sorry. I can't. - Hi. - Hi. I get it. You don't want to move to the country. - It's just my life's here. - Yeah. - My dad, my friends, my work... - Yeah, yeah. Look, I get it. What do we have in common, Meredith? A baby. We have a baby in common. I went out to a gig last night and got way too drunk. - Okay. - No, it gets worse. I... I kissed a girl from work and she invited me back, but I didn't go. I stayed at Lily's. Are you mad? No. Are you gonna keep being weird about Mitchell? Only if you move to Daylesford with him. Okay, I... I might have put my hands down Anouk's pants, but I thought about having sex with her, didn't do it. Have sex with me. ♪ Hm, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪ Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather... [Laughs] Can you not mock my vocal warm-ups? You know my voice cracks when I go high. And you like to say "Day-um" a lot. Huh. No one ever parks there. Have we a new wheelchair user at Lafayette High? What? "Red... P-A... parking pass." T-E-M... "Temporary disabled"? Dude, relax. I'm blue parking tag for life. You can be civil. Claire: Why me? Why do I have to be in a stupid wheelchair for three whole weeks? What did I do to deserve this? I'm a freak. Great. People are already staring. What? Never seen someone in a wheelchair before? Mm-hmm. Tourists. Oh, Mr. and Mrs. DiMeo, thank you for coming in. We have a problem. Kiddo, what happened? I'm being persecuted for a righteous act of civil disobedience. Eh, she flipped out and broke a trophy. And it was the sportsmanship award. Isn't that ironic? The trophy culture at this school is a disgrace. It promotes mediocrity. Look at them, Mom. "Participation." "Most improved." "Most improved participation"? Well, that's the one you break. All right, we're debating which trophy to break next, obviously, Dylan will replace this one. Are there any other consequences we should discuss? Well, we've explored our disciplinary options... Suspension, detention... But we decided on a more positive... Do not pull out a trophy. [Camera shutter clicks] Why are you taking a picture of your nipple? I noticed something in the shower. Doesn't it look off to you? [Exhales] No, Ray. It's gorgeous. Is that what you want to hear? [Cellphone chimes] Ooh. Mmm. Oh, no, it's for my sangria. If you want fruit, there's jelly beans in the cupboard. Oh, right, your party's tonight. It's not a party. It is a gathering of special-needs mothers. That usually gets broken up by the cops. Mom, Dad, I just got a text. Really? Well, good for you. No, it gets better. Justin Chang and his friends want to come over to watch the MMA fight tonight. This is the guys' night I need. After Jillian broke my heart, I decided to take a year off from women... A vow of celibacy. But, darling, what will the women do? Not my problem. I'm focused on myself and deepening my male friendships. You can have you guys' night, but heads up... your mother's special-needs mom group is coming over, too. No. Negative. Reschedule. Those ladies are nuts! You're gonna embarrass me. We will not. But if you get embarrassed by six strong mums who party as hard as they love, well, you need to check your privilege. Is that right? I think so. [Scoffs] You seriously expect me to take a test on World War II? War? Marching? Hello. JJ! There you are. Thank God. Um, Claire here is, uh... She's, uh... She's a spirited student who was recently injured. I'm... I'm sorry. What happened exactly? I was training for nationals. I was on the balance beam. I under-rotated my dismount and snapped both of my ankles. Tell it again. I'm sorry, but how does that affect us? Um, Claire has had a little bit of difficulty adjusting, and so I was hoping that JJ could show her how you navigate the school. - "I'll do it." - Yes! Thank you. Thank you so much, sweet JJ, thank you. No backsies! Okay. "My... Lafayette High." "Ramp." "Elevator." "Poster that says they like people in wheelchairs." "That concludes... our tour." That's all you get? There's my supermodel. If anybody asks, you didn't get it from me. He also gets this, but that ain't the wheelchair. That's just charm. That looks amazing. Oh, I can't. I'm in training. [Scoffs] You're right. Screw it. I haven't had sugar in 10 years. Mmm. This tastes so much better than gymnastics. Mm. "That's why... I quit." [Laughs] I've been a real pain. I can't believe you're being so nice to me. And to think, I mean, we wouldn't have even met if it weren't for the... [Gasps] They have cookies? ! Oh. Mnh-mnh-mnh. Someone is coming around on the red tag, huh? "Oh, just because she's in a wheelchair?" Oh, come on, man. You know that's not how I think. You, on the other hand, won't rest until you get me with the one black lady in your neighborhood. "Ms. Jamison is a Libra." I know our signs are compatible... not the point. You like this girl? Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, that's all I needed to know. Switching from aide to wingman in three, two... Welcome back, Claire. Uh, my man and I were just talking. Uh, what's on tap for you physical therapy-wise? We haven't talked about it. My parents are going through a divorce, so I'm not sure anyone can take me. Huh. That's a more depressing answer than I was prepared for. Well, we've got a great one. Maybe join us tomorrow? Great. Let's. Oh, my God, you got her to smile. You are a miracle worker, JJ. Hey! Just like the poster. What? Oh! Uh-huh. So, guys, while we wait for the fight to start, would anyone like to talk about some conversation starters? [Clears throat] "Have you ever spoken in front of a larger group of people? How did it go?" You guys see Lucy Mullins' student council speech? - She's so hot. - She's so hot. I'm gonna vote for her, and I don't even agree with any of her policies. - [Laughter] - Lucy Mullins? More like loose melons, am I right? [Laughter] Nice wordplay, dude. Smart stuff. Lucy's cute, but I've had hotter. Jeremy Goldstein's bar mitzvah... his cousin. - Ooh. - She's hot, but I kissed her friend, who's even hotter. How about you, Ray? Hottest girl you ever hooked up with? You know, I'm not really a kiss-and-tell kind of guy. Let's hear more about this bar mitzvah. Did Jeremy speak in front of a large group? How did it go? This is really fun. But are we gonna talk at all about the issues facing special-needs parents? Of course we are, and here's an issue. My glass is empty. Ha-ha! What's going on back there? Oh, Ray's got some friends over. You let him hang out with the door closed? I'd never let may Jason do that. I caught him and his friends smoking pot the other day. I found Briana with a boy in her room. She said they were just naked dry humping, but I don't know. Jason's therapist says that special-needs siblings tend to act out because they need to feel they're being heard. Hey, listen. I'm not gonna let you blame yourself, and here's why. You're perfect. You're perfect. You're perfect. You're perfect. That's a plant. [Laughter] Gonna sit down. Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! That fight was crazy! Now, that's mixed martial artistry. So, what do you guys want to do now? Now? As in you want the night to continue? Yeah. This is great. You know, I get the acting out thing, but I'm not worried about Ray. You know, he can close his door. Is he a teenager? Honey, wake up and sniff the Adderall. But Ray really does tell me everything. Poor love. Took a vow of celibacy. [Giggles] As if that changes anything. And tonight is a guys' night to "deepen his male friendships." Aww! [Laughter] Dude, is that why we're here? [Laughter] You said you wouldn't embarrass me! I'm sorry, darling. And I know "Mommy had a bit too much sangria" isn't the explanation you're looking for. It was going so well! Now I have to go salvage my rep with Justin Chang. And everyone knows that Justin Chang does not give second chances! I'll just give him some beer. Do we have anything in the fridge? I'm not giving you beer. You are a very unhelpful level of drunk! Hey, Ray. How's that, uh, vow of celibacy? [Laughter] You think my mom knows what this dirty dog gets up to? What do you mean? She doesn't know this, but I have one girlfriend .that I know of. I guess we should just take your word for it. Or we could check for pictures of her on your phone. I don't take pictures of her. I'd much rather live in the moment than observe it through a lens. Wait. Is that what I think it is? What? No way. She sent you a nipple pic? Oh. Yep. That's from my girlfriend. She sent me a sext. And that's the sext. Ray, you're awesome. I am. And that is hers. It look healthy, right? Look at all these trophies. "Best breather." And this one just says, "You read a book!" I'm not in a teasing mood, Jimmy. Hey, buddy. We were waiting. I just have a quick question. Oh, just... just have a quick question. Is it "Will these people stand idly by while I cut?" 'Cause the answer is no! What urgent trophy matter has the two of us standing back here like a couple of... What an honor! The most important man in the world in our local trophy shop. He's shorter than I thought. Are you done? I'm sorry. I can't let someone dump on me and not do anything about it. [Laughs] Honey, that's my job description. You know what? Forget school. You're coming with me. I'll show you how it's done. Happy to have you with us today, Claire. Two for the price of one. That's fun. All right, why don't you describe for me your typical exercise regimen. Well, I'm usually in the gym for two hours before school and another three after. I have 6% body fat, and I still have a shot at Tokyo in 2020. Okay. Squeeze this a few times. [Grunts] Yeah. Get it, get some. Yeah, you're the boss. [Groans loudly] 93, 94... And... center. What do you mean? Like... Like this? Oh, I was talking to myself. That's it. We've got you. That's it. Yep. Nobody likes a show-off. Come on, the doctor said you were cleared for weight bearing. I'm not ready. "I did it. You can do it." I can't, I can't. "Come on, Rock." Dude, not loving this new square. [As Burgess Meredith] Come on, Rock! You can do it, Rock! Stop telling him to call me The Rock. Not The Rock... Rock. - From "Rocky"? - I've never seen that. You've never seen "Rocky"? ! And up. [Grunts] I did it. I did it. This is great! Thank you, JJ. Thank you, uh, guy... Guy who yells at Rock. Rocky. Rocky. Sit back down. This went well, right? Hey, this chick is digging you. "You don't understand. I know how girls see me. Like a friend or a teddy bear." JJ, you really think that? "Let it go. It's... E-A... easier." Claire: Hey. So, my mom just texted me. She's going on a Tinder date tonight. She's really getting back out there with a vengeance. But anyway, I have the house to myself tonight if you want to come over and study for midterms? Yes, that's a yes. Uh, hold on. Yes. Cool. So, I'll... I'll see you later. Yeah. ♪ ♪ And it gets better. She has a twin sister. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Dr. Miller: Young man. Young man! In my office now. And bring your phone. Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! [Applause] [Chanting "Ray! Ray!"] [Cheering] Stop it. Sorry I'm late. What's the occasion? Did you win an essay contest, Ray? Or find a mistake in a standardized test? I'm afraid not. Ray's been distributing this. It's a sexual photo of a girl's nipple. - Sexual? - Sexual. Sexual? - Sexual. - Sexual? Can you please both stop saying "sexual"? Is that true? Now, this is the first time something so, well... [inhales] hot has happened at this school. The Lafayette community is awaiting my response. You will be made an example of. Now, do either of you have any questions? But... Oh, God, she's not yelling at me. It's more serious than I thought. Woman: Attention, ladies and gentlemen. See all those angry people there? They just arrived from Hawaii without any of their luggage. [Sighs] Watch and learn. Hello. How can I help you? If you've lost my bag, I have no belts. I'm terribly sorry. Can I offer you $10 off your next flight? Okay, if I'm not strumming that ukulele by tomorrow, I will eat your family. I'm gonna put the word "priority" in your file. [Speaks Swedish] _ [Speaks Swedish] _ [Feedback squeaks] [Amplified] Attention, everyone. Shut up. You're all terrible people with the saddest tan lines I've ever seen coming off any Hawaiian flight. What do you use? 90 SPF? Weak. [Chuckles] Sorry about her. She's in training. How can you just take that? Those people are treating you the way I treat Ray, and that is disgusting. Where is all this anger coming from? I'm sick of this family constantly being messed with. And I guess I'm a freak, but I'm sorry. I just can't hold it all in. I'm not like you. I can't do that either. [Sighs] After I finish this, I got something I want to show you. Ooh-whoo! Yes. You, my dude, look ready. "It's not a date." Okay, yeah. Whatever you say. "What if... it is?" Just be yourself. People love that guy. You need anything? The chain? I was 30 before I could pull this off. There. "Day-um!" See? This is why I do the vocal exercises. Let's go. Oh, hey, guys. Come on in. Oh, I love the gold chain, JJ. It's so '80s. Well, what are you waiting for? Get in there. [Smooching] Well, hello, everyone. [Smooches] Love you. I don't even know you! All this talk of celibacy and male friendship, meanwhile I'm harboring the Nipple King of Lafayette High. - I don't deserve that title. - How could I have been so blind? My drunk mums were right. You don't get enough attention. - You don't understand. - Well, then help me understand. I want to tell you, but if I do, you have to promise you will not speak of this to anyone. Oh, my God, what? Is it a baby? I won't love it, Ray. I'm sorry. All right, not a word. I promise. This is the picture. Wait a minute. Other one. You twit. What possessed you to send that thing around? Hey, you humiliated me in front my friends. He stepped up. You're innocent. Let's go tell the principal and just clear this up. No way! If this gets out, I'll be a laughingstock. I can't handle it. I do not have the strength of character. You raised me. That is on you. But you're not getting in trouble for this. I can't let that happen. It's my call. It stays between... the three of us. I trusted you. You promised. Hm? What's that? Yes, oh. Oh, he says he's with me. And he wants to tell the principal. If looking at the stars is supposed to calm me down, it ain't working, old man. That one's looking at me funny. Just wait for it. Aaaaah! Ha! Sometimes I need to blow off some steam. This is how I let it go. Try it. Aaaah... - Wait for a plane. - That makes more sense. Aaaaaah! Aaaaaah! [Gasps] I like it. So you get angry. Don't ever let it make you feel weird or different. You're certainly no different than me. [Smooches] I think I got it all out. That constellation looks like a trophy. Aaaaah! I don't understand it. All the signs were there. I am never wrong about women. Except for my two ex-wives. Am I always wrong about women? Wait. Are... are you just gonna go without saying goodbye? "Like she'll... N-O... notice." Hey, JJ. Thanks for coming tonight. You know, I kind of hate you right now. I am still sore from earlier. [Chuckles] That's the first workout I've done since my accident. I guess I'm not in JJ shape. Well, um, good night. "Wait." Uh... "I want to show you 'Rocky.'" I'd love to see "Rocky" with you. See ya. That's the chain. Shh! Darling, you know I'm right. You can't get in trouble for this nonsense. Huge mistake. I can't watch you do it. It should be my choice. You're right... I did tell you everything. I trusted you. I liked that. I can't do that anymore. [Door opens] Why don't you two come on in? Hold on. One last time. Dr. Miller, before you pass judgment on my son, there is something you need to know about this picture. Do you want to tell her? This poor, poor girl... Ray is a sexually deviant young man. You mean it? Yes, I do. He's ready to accept his punishment. Ray, you will be suspended for a week, and I'll compose a letter to every Lafayette family detailing the consequences, so they know that this will not be tolerated. That is great! Thank you, Dr. Miller. Thank you, Mom. You guys rock! This really did go well, didn't it? Oh, hello, love. Your next DiMeo's here. Hi, Doctor. I replaced the trophy that I broke. - I've learned my lesson. - Thank you. Why are we looking at Ray's nipple? [Sighs] Ray? This is you? Why didn't you say so? Oh, that letter will be so much more fun to write! Aaaaaaaah! That's it, buddy. Let it out. Hey! Magician lady! Did you disappear my fruit again? - (kids gasp) - Oh! Wow! Huh? Uh, no, Steve, it's probably up your ass, next to that giant stick, huh? MAN: I can't believe this woman. Hey, never said my show was rated G, people. Never said it. Does this... belong to you? How'd you do that? It's magic, dude. Now, if you'll look in the pocket of your hoodie, I think you got something for me. (soft gasp) ♪ Ta-da! ♪ My booze! - That's so cool! - (chuckles) Why don't you get a five-spot from your dad - and put it in the hat, okay? - Okay. Okay. One of these. Are these enough radishes for a party? I don't know, how many rabbits did you invite? Ha! It's for the crudités. Oh, lazy much? Come on, let's just cater it. It is our first party since we moved in together-- we can make the appetizers. Fine. Ooh! Oh, I love this. Is this Latin American cotton? I went to El Salvador last year on this ridiculous surf trip. - Cool. - So good. Another scarf? I didn't agree to move in with Steven Tyler's mike stand. - Mm. - Mm. Guys, I think I'm gonna hit up an earlier yoga class. I know, Oh, at that place? MRSA alert. But I've got a commercial audition later, and I need to clear my head-- I'm nervous. - All right, text me later, let me know how it goes. - Yes, Mom. (both chuckle) Okay, let's go. All right. (groans) Oh! (laughing): I'm so sorry! Look what the clumsy magician lady did. Oh, no worries. Accidents happen. Well, that's a very sweet thing to say. I'll bet you're a very sweet person, Dr. Allison. How did you know my name? And that I'm a doctor. Have we met? It feels like it, doesn't it? It's like we've known each other all our lives. Like we have a psychic, spiritual connection. What is happening here? Ha-ha! I'm just messing with you. Look. I palmed your charm bracelet. There's an Allison charm, a doctor charm... (chuckles) I thought you had ESP. I was gonna make you guess what my job was. You're unemployed. Well, actually I'm developing an app. - Well, - You get paid for that? I'm talking to some investors. Yeah, you're unemployed. Dr. Allison, it has been a pleasure. (chuckles) Take it sleazy, Zuckerberg. (chuckles) Beard is ridiculous. (chuckles) Why? What the...? Uh... that woman just hit me. Ooh. Is Jill coming to your party? Well, she's my best friend, so yeah. Cool. I won't bring a date. 'Cause you think Totally possible. You're going home with her? I'm making headway-- we're doing a cleanse together. Oh. Are you applying for the job of her gay best friend? No. I'm applying for the job of her lover, thank you very much, and my résumé's tight. Résumé? Hmm. "Allison's brother: "hobbies include obsessive crushes and pooping my pants on the way to Mammoth." Ooh. There was something wrong with those date shakes. Look, Jill would be lucky to go out with you, - I know. - but I don't think she sees you that way, And I think you should probably move on. - I just worry about you, - Never. Being newly divorced and all. And that's very sweet of you and I appreciate that, MAGICIAN: Shut the front door! Dr. Allison! But I'm fine. It's me, Amy, from the farmers' market. How random is this, running into you? It's really random. - Who's this Bit-O-Honey? - Hi. What's up? Mmm! I'm Brad. I'm the brother. - Hey, I want to show you something. - BRAD: Yeah. I got this thing on my shoulder, might be a mole. Could be a... wax burn from some degrading role play. - Yeah, I do. - You know what I'm talking about, don't you? AMY: So anyway, you give it an eyeball, maybe ballpark diagnosis? Why don't you just come into my office? Just make an appointment. Oh. Okay. That's cool. Um, I am currently in between insurance carriers, so what's your barter policy? (Amy laughs) (laughing): Just messing with you! I'll pay cash. It'll probably be all ones. And no, I'm not a stripper, Brad. Damn it. So, Dr. Allison, I guess I'll be seeing you soon, huh? AMY: And, you... I'm not done with you yet. Good. If you need me, I live above my sister's garage. Get your tool set ready. Ooh, you're a project, aren't you? (chuckles) Why was I flirting with that woman? I have no idea. She's some kook from the farmers' market. It's like she drew me in-- it got very sexual, very quickly. Yeah, I know. It was weird. All right. ♪ Ta-da! ♪ - I told you I'd see you soon. - Okay, uh, You keep showing up everywhere, - and it's freaking me out. - Absolutely. It is weird. Creme de menthe? - Ah. - I'm actually on my way back to the office. 'Cause it's 2:00 p.m., on a Tuesday. Wow, it's Tuesday already? Man, space and time! - Listen, can I ask you something personal? - I don't really know you. Do you believe there's a force in this world that wants nothing more - But go ahead and ask anyway. - than for you to be happy? And if there was Such a force, do you think it could be manifested in a person? A person whose mission is to safeguard your journey through this world? You know, like, uh, intervene before you get hit by a bus or something like that. It sounds like you're describing a guardian angel. That's exactly what I'm describing. What exactly do you want? (big sigh) (sighs) Dr. Allison, we have not been formally introduced. I'm Amy, and, honey... I'm your guardian angel. Uh... look... - I am a skin doctor. - I know. I think what you need is a psychiatrist. - Oh. - Or... Maybe a sober living arrangement. Your mother died 412 days ago. And though you won't admit it, she was your best friend. And since then you've buried yourself in work, buried yourself in a relationship with a guy who's a bit of a tool. - It's an observation, - Hey... Honey, it's not a judgment. Got your first period at Red Lobster, which is super ironic. - (quietly): Stop! - (women laughing) Remember your first orgasm, when you farted just a little bit? - (laughing) - Oh, my God! Oh, man, so embarrassing! How do you know all that stuff? I've been watching you. It's what we do. We watch over souls. And yours is amazing. You could've easily found that stuff online. My friends over-share on Facebook. That's true, and I am a whiz at the computer-- especially Photoshop. Check this out-- my head on Gisele Bundchen's body. - Ew. - What do you think? Christmas card material? No? So you've been cyber-stalking me? - Maybe. - I suppose you know my password? Or... I may be an angel whose mission it is to... safeguard your journey through this world. It all depends on what you believe, Allison. Okay. See you later, angel lady. Yeah. Okay. Look out! - (gasps) - Bus! Oh, my God! No, no, no bus. I'm so sorry. I'm seeing things. My fault. - Okay. - I'm sorry. No touching, either. (laughing): I'm buzzed. I thought I saw a bus. I'm loaded. It's the creme de menthe, honey. It sneaks up on ya. Morning, Felicia. Holy sunburn, Dad! How many days were you lost in the desert? - I played a quick nine this morning. - Aw, Dad, Come on, we're dermatologists, not cautionary tales. Hey, you know, I still haven't received your RSVP to the housewarming party. I think your house is plenty warm. Is it really necessary to add an unemployed boyfriend, honey? Evan and I are moving in together, it is happening, and I want you there. Of course I'm coming. Great. Are you bringing anyone? No, no. Flying solo... like a golden eagle. You know who you could bring? Uh, Dana from the club. Yeah, she seems cool. - She's too short. - Have you seen yourself lately? Exactly. If we had kids, they'd be jockeys. Oh, what about that cute pediatrician from the conference? Oh, I'll date a doctor if you do. Dad, come on, it's been over a year since Mom died. I'm not trying to pressure you. But it might be time to get out there. Are you nervous? 'Cause you're a Beverly Hills skin doctor. There's going to be a stampede. Well, now you're making me blush. I wish I could tell. Stacy from the bank. And we're done. If you'll excuse me now, I'm gonna go dunk my head in some aloe. (car alarm chirps) Sweet Volt. Evan's idea? You know what they say about a guy with a small carbon footprint-- small penis. Okay, we're officially in a stalker situation. Impromptu plan-- you, me, Julio's Cantina. - When's the last time you had a weekday margarita? - No, thanks. I've got a 6:00 a.m. spin class. Plus, I'm off sugar. (groans) I have an antihistamine or EpiPen here somewhere, 'Cause I'm allergic to fun. Because you're allergic to fun. Listen... I know we just met and we're having a great time making jokes, but... I have something really intense I need to talk to you about. I have cancer. Okay, I don't have cancer. (Latin music playing loudly) Terrible lie. You just faked cancer? Never should've said it. Let's leave the past in the past, okay? I didn't know any other way to get you here. Oh, so you had to lie? Technically, we're never supposed to intervene in a human's life. Oh, is that some sort of angel rule? As a matter of fact, it is, yes. We're supposed to help from afar, be subtle about things. You know, like implant an inspirational thought, or nudge you towards the conditioner that would give your hair that perfect bounce. The Pantene? You're welcome. (chuckles) But if I see you're about to go down a dangerous path, what am I gonna do, stick my head up my ass? What are you talking about, "dangerous path"? Follow me. ALLISON: Oh. (giggling) I didn't know they were having dinner tonight. Evan said he was working. He's working on boning your best friend. They've hooked up once before. Some light petting-- I won't go into details. Second base. What? ! Boobs, dude. (belches) And some dry humping, but please, I just, I don't want to get into the details. ALLISON: I'm sorry, Evan is cheating? With Jill? Kid, I'm so sorry. Oh, honey. Would it cheer you up to know that there is a taquito... behind your ear? (crunching taquito) These are surprisingly crunchy. (low, indistinct conversation) Hey, guys. - Hi. - Oh. Hey, babe. Wha... What are you doing here? I thought you were working late. ALLISON: Oh, I just... you know... What are you doing here? Um... (chuckles): I guess you caught us. I can't believe this. How could you? How could I what? And, Jill, you're hooking up with my boyfriend? Allison, wh-what are you talking about? We didn't hook up. Oh, then what the hell is this? With the coffee and the cakes? Babe, there's just one cake. Look... I wasn't going to tell you, but I'm-I'm making a video for the party tomorrow night, of all the big moments in your life. Because moving in together is the biggest moment in my life. And Jill was just helping me out. Yeah? She just brought over pics that I can scan. JILL: This is us at prom. This was when we were in Greece. Oh, and one of us at Red Lobster. It's a little weird you have a picture from that day. It was a big moment. It's really sweet. Oh, my God, you guys. I'm so sorry. I just totally freaked out. Can we please just forget I said anything? Um, yeah. I'm so sorry. EVAN: Babe, why would you even think that? I don't know. I'm sorry. Ah, come here. He's lying. I know they were hooking up. - How? - An angel knows. - And I hacked into his e-mails. - What? ! - I told you I'm a wiz at the computer. - Ugh! Oh, please, no, stop. Please. Let me explain. - Are you crying? - No. There's habanero pepper in this taquito and I'm literally digesting lava. I want you out of my life. Seriously. I will get a restraining order. My uncle's a lawyer. Your uncle's a dentist. Why do you know everything? I am going back inside to have dinner with my non-cheating boyfriend and my best friend. Crazy ladies not invited. Well, I'm not following you, but I got to go to the bathroom. I've got a nuclear situation here and it ain't a drill. ALLISON: Hi. You look gorgeous. So good to see you. Hello. Hey, you. Hi, Brad. How's the cleanse going? Oh, I stopped it last week. Didn't I tell you? You did not. Spacey actress. (both laugh) Anyway, how is it going for you? Uh, good for me. I'm-I'm-I'm loving it. Yeah. I've had some vertigo and full body sweats, but other than... and I am a little weak, actually, but good. Cool. So, um... Yeah, I'm loving the clean living. - Do you want to get drunk? - It's going to be my thing now. Come on. Absolutely. (pop music playing, muffled) Man, I got to stop intervening. Are you talking to me? Evan's cheating on Allison, and I just want to go in there and bust him, but I can't. I'm trying to be more disciplined. Okay, I don't know any of the people you're talking about. What? Boo. Bad neighbor. - All right. - Get out of here. - No, no, no, no, no. - Hey, don't let him Take a whizz on my chariot. It's my only mode of transport post DWI. Speaking of which, do you know a good attorney? Like, an affordable guy, someone who's not going to ask a lot of questions? Have a nice night. You, too, pal. Hey, and introduce yourself to Allison! She's the best! Welcome, everybody, to our first party. (cheering) I'll keep it short. Um... I just want to say how truly lucky I feel to have met this man. - He makes me feel - Aw... Safe and loved and I'm so happy we're living together. No, I'm the lucky one to have you. - Hear, hear! - (laughter) I'm pretty great. Yes, you are. - We're out of beer. - We're out of beer. Get some more beer. Love is in the air, huh? ♪ ♪ Oh, sorry, yeah. I need two cases of Anchor Steam delivered to... Weird. Uh, no, not you. No. Two cases of Anchor Steam delivered to... My clover charm? ♪ ♪ Weird. (laughing) Hey. - Hi. - Hey, are you missing your clover charm? The one we got in Ireland? Yeah. How'd you know? Because it was in Evan's office. On his couch. ♪ ♪ Evan and I hooked up. (partygoers gasp, music stops) God, I'm so sorry. - What? - What? ! It happened when we were making the video. Things got out of hand. I promise it'll never happen again. Seriously? ! Seriously? Not your moment, Brad. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? No-no-no. I-I... - Oh? - We did not hook up. Okay, I did, but... just give me one minute to explain. Which part? The cheating or the-the making me feel horrible for accusing you of cheating while you were cheating? All right, this move-in has brought up a lot of issues for me. - Okay, uh, well, uh, - What issues? First of all, uh, we're very different people. - 'Cause I'm super chill - Oh, okay. But you, you're so intense. Mm. Plus you're always on the phone or you're at the office. You have literally worked about every weekend since we have been together. Well, somebody's got to work around here. - (partygoers gasp) - Oh. So there it is. You don't believe in my business plan. An app where you can choose different skin colors for your photos? Uh, it's like Benetton. Okay, it promotes tolerance. It promotes blackface. No, it-it doesn't. It... Okay, we're just gonna need to cool things off here before someone says something they're going to regret. Oh, okay, well, how about this? How about leave and never come back? I'm serious. Go. I'm going to go. That's what I said. Yeah. And then I said it. (door shuts) Oh, my God. Uh, yeah, hi. Uh, everybody, the, um, party celebrating my relationship ended when my relationship ended. You heard her, folks! Move it or lose it! Wow. Okay. Thanks. Bye. Oh, kiddo. I heard he was cheating and I didn't want to believe it. You deserve so much better than him. - Thanks, Dad. - Love you, kiddo. (knocking on door) AMY: ♪ Ta-da! ♪ (chuckles) So creepy. I was just going to leave the plate, but I thought, "Who eats unattended camp food, huh?" FYI, best s'more ever. Well, here it is on a Sunday morning and the doctor is in. My diagnosis: nerdialence. Look, I don't know how you knew but you knew. Evan and Jill were hooking up. You were right, go ahead, throw it in my face. Aw, sorry, kid. That must feel terrible. It does. Here, take a bite. (sighs) - Nobody's made me s'mores since I was a kid... - Since you were a little girl. - Your mom used to make them for you. - Yeah, my mom used to... - She used to make them for me whenever I was... - She used to make them for you... - Sure. - Okay, can I please finish a nostalgic thought. She... used to make them for me just because. Mm. She called it my reward for being me. She'd surprise me with a plate every few months. That's why I made the s'more. I wanted to remind you of a time when you felt really loved. Well... that is not how I feel now. Pity party, your table's ready. What? I barely got choked up. Do you know what your problem is? You take care of everybody but yourself, and that attracts people who take advantage. I mean, you basically supported your boyfriend, your let your brother sleep in your garage. What is your point? Living for others never end well. It drains you, honey. Now, take a bite. Hmm? Wow. (laughing) That's amazing. Look at that smile, huh? That's the smile of a happy kid, huh? Living in the moment, free from everybody's expectations. - Settle down. - (laughing) Personal space. Oh, Allison, I could help you. You just need somebody to nudge you, to say, get off the phone, have a weekday margarita, have some fun, let some random guy take you to O-town. Oh, I was with you right up until the end. Ah, you don't just deserve to be happy and to be loved. It's your birthright. And I want nothing less for you. You might even say... it's my mission in life. (clicks tongue) But... (snaps fingers) if all this angel stuff is too bizarre for you, I understand, I get it... and I'll leave you alone. Walk very slowly... just in case she wants to change her mind. It's not that I believe you're an angel. But...? But you know, I could use a weird friend. Look at me. Yeah, I know. Do they come any weirder? (laughing) You got coffee in there? I do. Crème de menthe. Mm, shocker. Let's get our Sunday on, huh? ♪ ♪ (dog barking in distance) ("The Funeral" by Band of Horses plays) (music stops) (phone buzzing) What? Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org ♪ Really too late to call ♪ ♪ So we wait for... ♪ The Bible teaches us that all things are possible to him that believeth. And I ask all of you... Do you believe in the power of the Almighty Father? I know the Good Lord can hear. I witnessed a miracle first-hand. When I was 11 years old, the Devil himself came into our home and tried to take my little sister Jane. She was dying of pneumonia. The doctors told my parents there was nothing more to be done. "Start planning the funeral." I loved my little sister more than anything in the world. And I stood by her death bed, took her hand. And I prayed. Asked God to heal her. I felt a warmth move through my body. It was God, bestowing his gift of healing upon me. And here she is today! My little sister, Jane, alive and well! Hallelujah! From that moment on, I knew God had chosen me to be his vessel here on earth. And today, I'm here to share my gift with all of you. I'm told this poor young woman is suffering from a heart condition. She's in pain every day of her life. Do you have faith the Lord can heal you today, - free you from your pain? - I do. Then, Lord, I ask you to bless this woman, free her from her suffering! In God's holy name, I demand you demons of sickness to leave this woman now! My pain... It's gone! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! - What a load of rubbish! - Frank, you promised. - I'll wager she isn't even sick. She's an actress! - Stop! Sir, if you do not wish to be here, I suggest you leave. Don't do this, I'm begging you. You can't take away people's pain. You're a fraud! If you disparage me, you disparage God. God's as big a fraud as you. He will punish you for your lack of faith. This man has been blind since birth. Never gazed into his wife's eyes, never seen the faces of his beautiful children... Are you all right? Fred? Fred? Oh, God! Oh, God! Help me! Help me! Please help me! Please, help! Help! Please! Help me, please! Please! I suppose it's too late to decline their dinner invitation. You're a brilliant wordsmith. No doubt you can conjure up a few hours of polite conversation. Allow me. Arthur! I see what you're doing. - Do you? - It's not going to work. Shame. There. That should get you through dinner. Ripped By mstoll Don't pack those away. She's going to come home. Here's a headline for you. People who go to faith healers are already sick. This fellow Batch just happened to die moments after the Reverend Elias Downey condemned him? - That was a gift from my wife. - You're in the soup now. Uh! Ooh, what's this? You're suggesting they're performing tricks just like you? Mine don't endanger people's lives. Guys like Downey promote quackery over medicine. Someone comes to them with a treatable condition like French gout. They offer prayer instead of sending them to the doctor for mercury. - The sooner we stop Downey, the better. - I have to agree with Harry. Beautiful and smart. You're a Catholic, but don't believe in the hand of God? I do, but I don't believe just anyone can channel it. According to this paper, this man has performed countless miracles. He's cured cancer, gave a blind man back his sight. Has he ever regrown a lost limb? Something you can actually witness? I know a lot of faith healers are charlatans, but he seems different. He doesn't even charge for admission. I bet he accepts donations, though. If we can prove he can actually heal people, imagine the possibilities, the lives that can be saved. You want to save lives? Let's prove that Downey's a fraud. Give me a break! How you doing, George? The ice machine on five's not working. Pardon me? The ice machine by my room, it ain't working. We'll have it fixed right away, Mr McKinney. OK, thank... Gringo! Gringo! Hey! Wait right there! Wait, wait, wait! No, no, no, no, no, Michelle. We gotta stick to the plan, OK? We cannot start attracting attention to ourselves. Yeah, we made millions of dollars. We got it, but we agreed to lay low. Baby, I am not asking for a whole new wardrobe. - I just want a little blouse. - I know, but I gave my word. ...and a little skirt to go with it. You know my word's my bond, Michelle. - Steve, Stevie, Stevie, Steve. - What? I mean, think about all those people been holding us down our whole lives, saying terrible things about us, that we're dumber than a suitcase full of buttholes. - Who said that? - That our car's broke down. That our kids are the ugliest kids in the park. Dang it, one blouse, but that's it! Alright? - That's it! One little thing. - That's all I want. Just one little thing, baby, to celebrate. And maybe just a little, you know, like, a little something for the boys. No, no. Now, Michelle, please, don't push it. I'm not gonna do anything for the kids. They gotta learn that presents just don't show up under a Christmas tree. I mean, I'd like to see these turkeys go out and earn $17 million. Wouldn't even know where to begin. ♪ I just want to celebrate ♪ Another day of livin'... ♪ ♪ I just want to celebrate - ♪ Another day of livin'... ♪ - You feel it? ♪ I put my faith in the people ♪ But the people let me down ♪ So I turn the other way and I carry on anyhow ♪ That's why I'm tellin' you I just want to celebrate... ♪ We'll take it. ♪ Yeah ♪ I just want to celebrate ♪ Another day of life ♪ Had my hand on a dollar bill ♪ And the dollar bill blew away ♪ But the sun is shining down on me ♪ And it's here to stay ♪ That's why I'm tellin' you I just want to celebrate ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ I just want to celebrate another day ♪ Oh, I just want to celebrate ♪ Another day of livin' ♪ I just want to celebrate... ♪ - Yeah! - You did it! Yeah! We did it! ♪ Don't let it all get you down No, no ♪ Don't let it turn you around and around and around ♪ And around and around... ♪ Take a look at that phone and tell me what you see. - A phone? - I know. - But what's it not doing? - Ringing? Which probably means that our amigo south of the border is otherwise occupied by the Mexican Federales now. - Do you think he's OK? - He's fine, he's fine. He's gonna be in a Mexican prison. It's not some hellhole like everyone makes it sound. They're gonna be serving good food. It'll be simple peasant food - tortillas, frijoles. We'd be lucky to get that food up here in el norte. It's authentic there. Dammit! Oh, what do I do? What do I say? Pick it up, but if it's him, find out where he is. OK, but this time get the room number. - Hello? - Hey, Kelly? Oh, David, you're OK. I mean, you're... How are you? Are you OK? Well, good and not so good. I had the Mexican police after me. - Oh, you're kidding. - Had to make myself a disguise. I look like Gene Shalit from 'The Today Show'. Location - find out where he is. You tell me how it's going down here. So, um, where are you exactly? Cozumel. It's an island right off the coast a ways. Kelly, when are you coming down here anyway? I mean, I'm getting a little light in the wallet. I might need a re-up. Well, if the Mexican police are after you, then I should probably be careful, you know? The airports are probably swamped with security and stuff. Steven Eugene Chambers. What? How...? How do you know his name? Steve Chambers. Um, listen, we're gonna just keep calling him Geppetto, though, OK? This is Geppetto? Ha! Ha. Well, he doesn't look anything like I thought he'd look. He looks like Ric Flair's little boy. OK, well, listen, I gotta go, OK? 'Bye, David. 'Bye. Kelly, hold on one sec. Kelly! Dammit! Did he say my name? Does he know who I am? - Kelly? - Yes. - You told him. - I didn't! - Did you tell him? ! - I did not tell him! Then how? He'd have to know it through you! Something about a wallet! It's not my fault! So... who y'all want me to kill? Whoa! Oh, Mike... No, no, no, no, we'll talk about it later. Not now. Not in front of... Oh, I see. Is it one of them? What? No! Mike, Mike... Boys, get upstairs right now. Now! Mike, you... you dropped something. Oh. Pardon me. Well, you know what, I think we can go right to the meeting. We don't have to wait to get into my office. I'm gonna give you a picture of the guy I wanna show you so you know who you're looking for. - Hmm. - You think you can handle that? Now, I gotta say, I don't know his exact location, so you're gonna have to do a little bit of intel. Mm-hm. I don't mind the hunt. I bet you don't. And when you get there, just be patient, bide your time, wait for a clean shot. Wait a minute. Shot? You mean I gotta use a gun? Yeah. Why, is that a problem? No. No, I was just... You know, I just prefer to use a blade. - Do you? - Or a rusty piece of piano wire. Something to choke him. 'Cause I like the struggle. I prefer it. 'Cause when I take a life, I like to take it. It ain't your life no more. It's my life. It's my life. How you doing, Mr Robertson? I'm with the FBI. You look like you're with the WNBA. - Excuse me? - I told everybody already. I don't know why he took the money or where he at. Sit your ass down! 17 million is missing. 17! That's federal agent money. That's MY money! And I'm not about to have my pocket picked. No, no, siree Bob! Especially by this cat right here. Look at him. Look at him. He look like Kenny Rogers and Kenny Loggins had a love child. And then Kenny G, he just showed up to the birthday party, started playing a flute and messed this boy up. I know Ghantt had help on the inside. Yeah, and you know what, bruh? You'd better start talking. If we don't find out who stole that money, we gonna lock somebody up. You know who that is? This dude right here. Yep. It's a nice picture, ain't it? Yeah, they're gonna love you in jail, dude. What do you want from me? Well, I want you to start talking. - Tell me who he was close to. - Nobody. - 'Cause I know you know. You do. - Nobody. Who was he close to, man? I know you know! Wait, wait. There was a girl. There was a girl. There was a girl, she quit about a month ago. About a month ago. Is that right? - Had a real white girl name. - White girl name. Like Becky, Susie, uh, Katie. Katie! - Katie? - It was Katie. Definitely Katie. Katie Caramel. Katie Caramel Corn. Katie... No. Katie Candy... Cane... Katie Candy Cane? Katie Candy Cane. What is she, a stripper? I don't damn know. Katie Candy Cane, I'm coming for you, baby. Yep, you and all your stripper friends. I was wondering if you had an American man staying there. He... Um... How would I describe him? He's, um, got a lot of body hair. He's kinda short. Um, looks like one of the 12 apostles. You have three men that are staying there that fit that description? OK, well, can I please leave a message for all three of them? Thank you. Um, I'd like to say, um, "Someone is trying to murder you." Yes. Yes. Thank you so much. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. What about that one right there? This gun has secrets. Don't it? Don't you? I don't speak Spanish. I'll take that one, please. Yeah, my... my lady friend is coming down to Mexico. We're looking to get married. I don't want to jinx the honeymoon, but... What was that? Hey, you OK, buddy? Hey! You gonna run or what? Steve don't want me to chase you, but I prefer it. Go! I said run! Here we go! Go, go, go! Por favor, go! Don't stop! Oh! Go! Muy rapido, muy rapido, go! Go faster! Go, go, go! Faster! Not that fast! In the middle! Watch the llama! Argh! Slow down a bit! OK! Look out! Yeah! Keep going, keep going, keep going! Go straight. Keep going straight! No, not to the right! David? I thought I'd never hear your voice. - I was... - Are you OK? Well, I mean, a man is trying to murder me here. They chased me all the way around town. A big old pervert-looking guy. I think he's trying to kill me. I don't know if he's done with me, but I don't know what's going on. David, look, I'm sorry. Steve just... he panicked. You weren't ever supposed to know his real name. And I just... I tried to send you a message. I tried to warn you he'd do something. Steve said he was gonna try to kill me? Why would he, if he knew you and me was lovers? That don't make any sense! OK, well... the truth is I don't believe Steve was ever gonna send you any money. And he's been playing you the whole time. And I swear I never knew his intentions, I swear. David? What were your intentions, Kelly? Um... I don't know. I guess I just figured you'd go down to Mexico and order a round of daiquiris with flowers in them and meet a little mamacita and forget all about me. But... you didn't. No, no, Kelly, you was gonna be my mamacita. I don't know what to say... David, you are such a wonderful person. You have to know that I think that. Just shut up, Kelly! Just shut up! David... You always told me to stand up for myself. Well, here goes. You are a manipulator of human emotions. And I never, ever want to talk to you again. Wait, Dav... There we go. Oh. Look who's awake. Hey, whoa, whoa. What's going on here? I'm accessing the sewer line. What's going down there? You mean down here? That's gonna be you. You listen to me. I-I-I can pay you. - I can pay you. - Oh, yeah? What do you got? Give me that. Let's see what kind of scratch we're talking about. 5, 20, another 20... I'll get you more. OK? - $48. - I-I got... I can get you more. I don't know if this is going to be enough. You know. Yeah. That's too bad. I was open to negotiation. But at this point, I reckon I'm just gonna have to do it the way I'd already dreamt about it. Hey, uh, listen here. You listen here. Wait. Hey, hey, hey. Easy. Where do you think you're going, huh? Anywhere you're going from now, I'm gonna send you, OK? You ain't got nothing to worry about travel-wise now, mister, uh Michael McKinney. Your name's Michael McKinney? Yeah. Michael Aaron McKinney? Yeah. Dang. They never told me. That's my name too. What...? Where'd...? You were born on May 8, 1961, huh? - Uh, not... Yeah. - In, uh, St Francis Hospital? Pigeon Forge, Tennessee? Is that right? Yeah. Uh, home of Dollywood. Your name is Michael Aaron McKinney. Yeah. Me name Michael Aaron McKinney. I don't know what that means, but what I do know is that God or the galaxy has brought us together. Yeah. This means you ain't gonna cut me up, right? Forgive me, Michael. You gotta forgive me, please. Oh, I do. I forgive you. Just like that. Please. Hey, you ever see 'The Parent Trap'? That Walt Disney film with that... that Hayley Mills lady? That was a powerful flick. I remember that movie. About how them two girls, they raised separately, but then they meet each other at summer camp and it blows their tiny minds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's kind of how I feel right now. - Yeah. Yeah. - You know what I'm wondering? Seeing as we was born in the same hospital on the same day... Yeah. ...we must have been right next to each other in that little baby place, right? That makes sense, yeah. Well, maybe at some point, I turned and looked at you and you rolled over, you... staring at me, and even though our eyes was all gooey and whatnot, we made a promise to one another right then and there that we'd find each other again some day. Yeah, yeah. I reckon we did. - Yeah. - Yeah. I like you, Michael McKinney. And I'm awful glad we met. Yeah. I'm glad we met too. Been a pretty good hang. Sleep tight, little brother. Miss Campbell, how long did you know David Ghantt? Um... I don't know. Around four months, I guess. M-maybe five. And during the time that you were partnered with him, did he seem restless? No. Not that I remember. No. I mean, I... I don't really know him too well. So... - Huh. Miss Campbell... - Look. Um... I know you're just two good men doing a difficult job, but, uh, I only worked there for a short while, and... You know, maybe you should talk to someone who worked at Loomis at the time that David Ghantt committed his atrocities. Well, that's what we did. And you know what they told us? They said, "Talk to Kelly Campbell. They were close." They even led us to believe that David Ghantt may have held a torch for you. - Huh? - That he was in love with you. That's crazy. Please. Miss Kelly, you... you alright? Yeah. I just have, um, some seasonal allergies. Think I'm allergic to those flowers or something. - Plastic flowers? - Yeah. It's the craziest thing. Will you excuse me for a minute? She called me a dude. Damn it! Can... Can somebody get the... - Hello? - Yeah. This Steve Chambers? - H-how'd you get this number? - Mike McKinney had it on him. Where's Mike McKinney? That ain't none of your business. - OK, D-David, take it easy. - No, you take it easy. I opened a Mexican bank account and here's what I expect. Now, wait a second, Ghantt! Hold it! I expect $6 million down there two days from this very second. I'm starting to feel like a corn dog at a hot dog party, and it ain't flattering, I'll tell you that! And I'm starting to lose my temper. David, I-I don't know what you think is happening, but I am not your enemy, OK? Listen to me. The name of the bank is Banco Lujo. If there ain't $6 million in there two days from this very minute, I will turn myself in to the interpolice and yours will be the first name I give 'em. Ghantt! Sonofa... God! Whoo! - How we doing in there? - Oh. I'm good. Thank you. Well, look at this. That wouldn't even begin to cover mine. You know, something I learned about thongs the real hard way, this little string can be kinda like a freight train transporting bacteria from your who-now down to your what-now. All aboard. Next stop, Yeast Infection City. I don't want to get off there. And don't get me started on the chafing. But just in case, I always carry a good feminine cream. This one's mine. It's prescription. - Oh, that's a big tube. - It doesn't take your vag away. Just the horrendous itch. Thank you. I'll, uh... I'll be sure to pack some with me. - It's you. - Jandice. You're David's mistress from work. He had a picture of you in his hope chest. No, no. That's not me. - You're a skank whore! - Get off of me! - I'll never let you go. - Is everything OK? Uh! Ah! Stop! No! No! Not the Vagaway! No! They don't make it anymore. Ugh! No! You're crazy! I'd like to make a withdrawal, por favor. It is empty, señor. It's empty? Do you mind... Do you mind checking one more time, por favor? What? ! Hello. Interpol. Agent Steve Chambers. Ha-ha! Some joke! Unlike you, Chambers, I happen to be a man of my word. Guess where I'm standing - right in front of the police station. And guess what I'm getting ready to do - introduce myself. Well, you gotta do what you gotta do, Ghantt, but, uh, before you do, can you say a quick hello to somebody? David, it's me. I'm fine! Don't tell him anything! That's enough. Shut her up. I think you will recognise that voice as belonging to the lovely Kelly Campbell. I ain't got no interest in talking to her. Is that right? I know all about your little rendezvous. Rendezvous? Cut the crap, Ghantt! I just caught Kelly with her bags packed, sneaking down to Mexico. Had a ticket to Cancún and was halfway out the door. She was? You're not gonna see Kelly Campbell for a good long while, 'cause she's gonna be living in a toolshed on my property, eating dog food and peeing in a Mason jar. Put Kelly on the phone right now! Second thing. You're gonna get a one-way ticket to South America. OK? 'Cause there's too much heat down there. Once you leave, once the heat's off, we'll let Kelly go. You do anything to Kelly, I'm gonna be really upset! You got my word. I won't harm Kelly. Have a good one. Policia! Ho! Startled you, huh? Hey. Come on, now. There we go. Oh, boy. Oh, look at that. Your heart's really beating hard. Jeez, Louise. I really scared the heck out of you, didn't I? - You OK? - I'm choking. You alright? Want me to get you some horchata? That's alright. I'm just choking on... choking on my cholo. Well, what are you doing? You know, just heading back to the States. Got another job. - No kidding. What are you doing? - Tax preparation. - Oh, are you? That's nice. Yeah. - Yeah. No, I'm just fooling. Yeah. It's gonna be more murder. - Oh, is it? OK. Yeah. - Yeah, you know. - Yeah. - Gotta do what I do. Yeah. OK. Gotta dance with the one that brung you. Good news is this one's gonna be a turkey shoot. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah, yeah. Some woman. - Oh, good! Ladies are easier. - Yeah. Much easier. - Don't put up much of a fight. - Oh! Yeah. Well! That's me. - Is it? OK. - Yeah. What about you? - Where you headed? - I'm going down to, uh, Rio. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big butt central. Yeah! Big butt central. Yeah. I hear the women down there have big cabooses, you know? - Yeah. - No, I guess the women do too. - Yeah, it's true. Yeah. O... - Huh. - OK, now. - Best of luck to you in the... - You know, the... - Killing for money? - Yeah. - I appreciate you. Alright. That's real nice of you. - OK. Have fun. Travel safe. - Yeah. Hey, Mike. Vaya con dios, compadre. Hey! Hold on. You know this gal? You know Kelly Campbell? That's what I've been trying to tell you. She's my girlfriend. Oh! Michael, I can't kill your woman. No, you can't kill my girlfriend. Shoot! - Hey. - What? You want to go to Rio de Janeiro? You mean switch places, don't you? I do. Like a couple of Hayley Millses. Yep. I surrender. Ow! God almighty! Hey. Come here. Hey! You listen to me. You be careful up there, OK? That Steve can be trouble. Go! Go! I can be my own trouble sometimes, you know? All passengers are limited to two carry-on items. I'm positive, Steve. He never got off that plane. No! I'm coming to you now. Hi! We've been watching Steve and Michelle Chambers for some time now in connection with the Loomis Fargo heist. We got evidence of crazy bank transactions. - Wild shopping sprees. - No kidding. But what we don't have is a confession. That's where you come in. Well, from the day they moved in, I told Doug there was no way that those people came by that money legitimately. Cathy's always had a keen sense of who belongs and who doesn't. Maybe it makes me a snob. What it makes you, Mrs Jeffcoat, is a patriot. Now, we're gonna be listening to everything you and Steve talk about. So try to get him to show you around the compound. You know what I mean? Butter him up. Make him feel like he's part of the clan. - Get him to reveal his secrets. - Yes. Mr Jeffcoat. If you could breathe through your nose, not your mouth, it'd be great for the recording. Yeah, I could do that. Hi! Look. It's the Jeffcoats. Welcome. - How you doing, boss? - Steve. - You doing OK? - Yes. What...? What is wrong with him? Why does he sound like that? - It's a booger whistle. - It's...? His mucus has dried into the shape of a whistle. - What... Really? - Yes. Come on. Let's get in here. I'll, uh, show you where the bar is. Come on. Here we go. Hi. Bonjour. Welcome. Well, hi, neighbour. Isn't that a lovely little basket? There's a gift... Alright. Well, enjoy Neptune's Conch. ♪ This is how we do it ♪ This is how we do it ♪ This is how we do it ♪ This is how we do it ♪ It's Friday night ♪ And I feel alright ♪ The party's here on the West Side ♪ So I reach for my 40 and I turn it up ♪ Designated driver take the keys to my truck ♪ Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded ♪ The honeys in the street say, "Monty, yo, we made it!" ♪ It feels so good in my 'hood tonight ♪ The summertime skirts and the guys in Kani ♪ All the gangbangers forgot about the drive-by - ♪ Gotta get your groove on... ♪ - Kelly. ♪ Before you go get paid ♪ So tip up your cup and throw your hands up... ♪ I'll take that. Wait. Wait a second, now, Ghantt. Please. Please don't shoot. I've got kids. Do your kids know that you're a lying, cheating sack of filth? I just haven't found the right moment to tell them. David? - David, speak to me! - I'm right here, sugar bush, OK? - Don't worry about a thing. - David, how'd you find me? I'd smell your scent anywhere, OK? Oh! Lord, that's a cheap door. OK, hold on! Oh... Baby. You gotta give me a 3-count next time. Oh! I'd like to welcome you all to our housewarming party. Thanks, y'all. Oh, my gosh. We've put together a little montage to celebrate our last two wonderful months here at Cramer Mountain. Steve, he's ruining everything! Hey! What are you doing? Are you stoned? You think this is funny? This isn't funny! - Ow! He's here! - Who's here? - David Ghantt is here! - Runny, shut up! I'm up here, you big ding-dong! Hey, Steve. I guess you just messed with the... You... Steve's BMW Miata? He'll kill you. Yeah. Well, let him try. No! No! - No! My Geo! No! No! - Attagirl! My heart is going 200 miles an hour, but we're only doing 45! David, be careful! - Brace your boobies. - What? Sometimes the only way out is through. No! No, no, no, no! David! Gotcha! Come here. Ghantt, I pray to God you're not concussed, 'cause I want you to remember every second of this beat-down! Lord have mercy, Steve. Give me a little bit of respect! - Respect? For what? - Why... I mean, I'm the mastermind of this heist. The mastermind? You think you're the mastermind? David, I want you to remember one thing. You were never anything more than a delivery boy. And if I'd had more time and enough jerky treats, I'd have trained my dog to go in there and fetch that money. Now, who came up with the plan? Me! Steve! Who laundered the money? Me! Steve again! And who sent Mike McKinney down to Mexico to murder you? - Me, me, me. - Got you! Got it, Steve. Loud and clear. You're going to jail. - How you holding up? - I'm doing alright, considering. My stretch starts tomorrow down at Butner Low or something like that. Yeah, I heard. I'm gonna be at the Federal Prison Camp over in Alderson. You robbed a bank for me. Oh, I'd rob a million banks for you, Kelly Campbell. I would. I'd rob a funeral home for you. There's probably not a lot of money in it, but... You get my drift. Hey, let's make a promise. Yeah, what? When we're in prison let's keep our bangs. I was hoping you'd say something like that. I promise. I'll miss you, Kelly Campbell. I'll miss you too. Kelly wrote me every week of my sentence. I spent my next seven birthdays behind bars for my part in the Loomis Fargo heist. Now, the old David Ghantt, he would have been scared about going to prison. Many of these guys are in here for murder, you know? But the new David Ghantt, he was ready to man up. Fortunately, I never had to. Turns out I had stolen more cash than any American in history. I was a legend in the big house. I was a legend in my city. Is it true that nearly $2 million remains unaccounted for? Next question. And I became a legend in the nation. Suspects are under arrest tonight in one of the biggest armoured car robberies ever in this country, what the FBI says was a $17 million inside job by a former driver. One of the biggest armoured car heists ever - more than $17 million. But get this - $2.6 million of the money is still unaccounted for. I mean, robbing a bank and having a bunch of money ain't the key to happiness - I was misguided. But I will say this. Until you take a big chance in life, you never really find out who you are. Mikey? - Look at your hair! - Oh, I know, I know. Yeah! There you go. I've been getting that a lot these days, yeah. - Yeah. It looks nice. - Thank you. - I appreciate that from you. - So is your car. - That looks nice too. - Oh! Oh, yeah. This right here, you've got a 1974 Cadillac. The hell's that? ! Well, I never really caught his name. I did get all his teeth, though, which is good. Oh! Yikes! And that is why you don't go jogging around prisons, huh? Come on. Hop in. OK, Mr McKinney, where we going to? I'd like to go see my girl Kelly. Mmm! I like that. A little booty call straight out of prison, huh? Yeah! Yeah. Oh! Yeah, yep, yep. Whoo! ♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪ I needed money 'cause I had none ♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪ I left my baby and it feels so bad ♪ I guess my race is run ♪ She's the best girl that I ever had ♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪ I fought the law and the... ♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪ I fought the law and the... ♪ Action! You can't do that with your eyes. You can't do that with your eyes! - He was coming in to kiss me. - I know. I was like this. I'm not gonna watch you do this. Cut. And reset. And... action. When you're in Mexico, you may have to live off the land for a little bit, OK? Ugh. Oh... Cut. I'm, like... Kristen's gagging. I hear everybody... Vroom, vroom. I mean, I'm not really sure why we're in this position. Look under the hood. Fix the carburettor. Find the muffler and fix it. Ow. Figure I'd learned my lesson. And action. How you been? - Good. Yeah. - Hair looks good. Yeah. My friend Ricki cuts my hair. Just cut my bangs last week. Yeah, Ricki banged me out last time. Yeah, Ricki banged me last time. If the Mexicans catch Ghantt, he can finger us all. And I don't want to be fingered by David Ghantt, OK? I trusted you. - Are we still rolling? - Yeah. - Oh, we are? - Yeah. Think I've been wrong about men my whole life, till I met you. No, put it in. No, no, no, your tongue. ♪ Bang goes the gun ♪ I'm already gone ♪ Bang goes the gun ♪ I'm already gone ♪ Well, I'm down below and I'm ready to go ♪ My day's never done ♪ Bang goes the gun ♪ I'm already gone ♪ Bang goes the gun ♪ But I'm already gone ♪ Bang goes the gun ♪ But I'm already gone ♪ I'm a lean machine I'm ready and mean ♪ I'm always on the run ♪ Bang goes the gun ♪ I'm already gone ♪ I'm already gone ♪ Ahhh. ♪ All I ever wanted was to have adventures. This is how I entered the armored car business: Between arms, money and the constant threat of violence, seemed like a great dream. But that's what it was, only a dream. Because in reality my day to day was as boring as that of any dumpster, pizza delivery or newspaper. Collect, deliver, repeat. Collect, deliver, repeat. Collect, deliver, repeat. I used to fantasize that they assaulted me working to prove myself that would be a man when the time came to be but I was denied to that little pleasure. I blame popular culture. I grew up watching movies of spies, made it seem so fun to get rid of the bad ones and save the girl. I wanted that life but did not come out just like that. So I settled and that is the worst thing you can do, to be honest, because only when you risk you can find out who you really are. My name is David Ghantt and in 1997 I was a shy man reaching forty. But then, the wind brought to Miss Kelly Campbell. After four decades waiting, my adventure knocked on the door. - What's up? - Nothing bad. Do you know what I would do with a million dollars? I would buy lots of records. Music is very important in my life. What would you do with a million dollars? I probably start my own business, you understand? Persecuting criminals or convicts, you understand? Be a bounty hunter, tracker or something. Do you understand? Put a stop. - David! - That burns! My God, David! Let me see. - Kelly! - Let me see! - Get it out! - Very good. For God's sake! Kelly! Everything is fine. - Very good. You're good but almost you shot in the ass. Right between the line. - He brushed my buttocks. - Right in the middle. - It did not hurt so much. - I think you're fine. You have a nice little hole in your pants. Yes. It's a burn, you're fine. - Yes. When you get home, fill the tub with whole milk. How? Fill the tub with whole milk. - Whole milk? - Yes, because fats are the ones that moisturize the skin. I have dressing, I can pour a little there. Yes. I have it. Is the future Mrs. by David Ghantt, calling his cielito. = No, it's Jandice, I'm late. "I forgot, God!" - What? Where are you going? - To the engagement photos. - How sweet! - Yes. I will walk backwards, I do not want you to see my ass. Well, I saw it, I hate to say. With everything and streak. Maybe I'll see one of these days, so we'll be at hand. Hello, Dave. BASEDONAREALHISTORY Jandice, sorry to be late. Okay, I'm glad you're here. I've been crying for hours. - Seriously? I retook makeup three times by tears. The third is the loser. Fantastic lights. Let's make the photos. For God's sake, Jandice! I saved it for you. You pedorreaste in my ass, is like a transplant of fart. And how did you two meet? I love stories of courtship. Well, if you want to know... A couple of years ago, I was at a concert of praise of young people in the church And I saw the most handsome man I had seen on earth. He looked directly at me. We left one day, and then we fall in love. Then he died, for a snake bite. At her funeral was greatly altered, I could not control myself and saw this... another man, a distant cousin of the deceased. He carried the coffin and fought, trying to hold his corner. It was difficult to hold. The thing is we ended up talking later, and I thought: "Well, that one is dead, this one is alive. Here we are now, two years later. That's... a great story. Yes, we are very happy. - I could not be happier. - Nor I. Then, one day, things got a spin. I guess I introduced it. Restless souls like Kelly usually do not stay in places like Loomis. A small appetizer. Mexican salad with extra dressing. - Thanks, David. - Eat. I'm not hungry. "Not now, I'm sorry. What happens? "Why are you so depressed?" Well, Rodney and I broke up. Not true! The good thing about all this is that I wrote a lot. I wrote about my feelings, I wrote a lot of music. - I would like to hear it. - You're not serious! Of course. I admire music and the arts in general. I think I could tell you some of the song titles. God! Agree. There is one that says "I saw you rummaging in my wallet". How was it? Sing it. It says so. God, one second: I saw you digging in my wallet. Purging in my wallet and said: I'm just looking for some oxytocin, oxytocin! Hey, what's going on here? They are very late. Ghantt, take your bearded woman's face out right now. - Good. - What did you call him? You can not talk to David Ghantt like that. He is the only intelligent here. You are smarter than you will be. - We must leave... - No, no. - What the hell is wrong with you today, Kelly? - You know what? I feel a little sensitive. Maybe I have a bad day. Do you allow your schedules? You know? What I care take that bus to the south as soon as possible. - And if I do not? - You are fired. Well, fire me, idiot. Do it! - Kelly, I do not know if this is... - No, you know what? I've wanted to quit this job for a long time. Also, if I get fired, I have unemployment insurance. Good point. So you know what? "You're not good-bye." What if you sexually harass one of your employees? You will be in trouble if you do not fire me. I will approach someone doing this. What if I did something like this? My God this is illegal. You'll be fired for not saying goodbye because I'm doing something so sexual and inappropriate at work. - Look at that! - What if I do this? - Kelly! - Sexual... Sexual dancing! Now you're goodbye. Leave the uniform. Kelly, wait a second. I will clean this. Hey, Kelly. Can you give me your number? Only to have it. Yes, of course. I do not have a pen. No, you do not have any feathers. You just wear something on your top. You wear a bra. You look good, I say, the bra looks cute. And what it contains. I have a pencil. Excellent. Do it on my arm. With a pencil? - Yes. You have to push hard to make it look. - Yes. - Ready. It has ten digits. Yes, the 1-4-3 at the end... It's something I do. Means "I love you": It has a letter, "love", has four, "you", has three. I've always done it, I do not know, is what I do. It's fantastic. That's great. Well, see you. Very good. Kelly always made me feel special. I could do anything, be whoever I wanted. Seeing her leaving Loomis was like watch a rocket release its thrusters. The ship is going to new and exciting places. Rockets are consumed in the atmosphere or sink into the ocean. No one cares about rockets. Without my positive influence, Kelly ended up with the wrong people. In the following weeks to his resignation spent all her time on the rough side of the village in a mansion that belonged to this man: Steven Eugene Chambers. I think it was your neighbor or a friend of the school, maybe both. Call Steve "a snake on the lawn", is an insult to snakes and grass. Was a thief known for stealing small wheelchairs of pediatric hospitals. As for Kelly, had forgotten at all your days at Loomis Fargo. Until the company appeared on the news. Police report that Phililip Johnson, Loomis Fargo security guard, accused of theft of 20 million dollars has been arrested. The five-month hunt started in March when Johnson allegedly stole the Loomis store in Jacksonville, Florida, before escaping to Mexico. Theft has been the largest in US history. Now, the forecast of the time with Richard Fox... We have to steal a bank if we want to appear on that news. Yes, I think so. Kelly works on Loomis. I worked, I resigned for three weeks ago. Work at Hardees now. Speaking of work, I have to be there in an hour. Now I retire, lovely people. See you, girl. Hey, Kelly, seriously, what are we talking about? - Security? - Steve, stop drinking... I am dizzy, not drunk. "Come on, how hard can it be?" You load a truck and run away. I've heard you say it, Phillip Johnson did it. Except for being caught. I've known you since we were kids, I know when you're unhappy. Do you want to spend the rest of your life working in Hardees? Or be on the other side of the counter arriving in a pink Rolls Royce, buying the equivalent of an annual potato supply? What I say is that it has to be done from within. That's the question, Steve, I no longer work on Loomis. But you should have made contacts. Flirt with each pair of pants that approach you. That's not true! - I say that you attract people. "What are you saying?" People like you, you have that quality. There is a guy at work who likes me, I think. I do not flirt with him but, he is my friend David. Okay, okay, that sounds promising. And how good friends were you and good Dave? He is practically married and he is a good boy. Yes, we are all good guys. I just want to know if we can trust David enough to talk to him. What do you feel about yourself? Do you like it? Or do you like it? - Is your fiancee? - Do not. - No. - You have a huge smile. It's here, it's here. There it is. He brought roses. He brought flowers. - It's perfect! - Very good. Voltéate. I bought these in the store. Thanks, how sweet. They are beautiful. Well, now they have something in common with their owner. They have thorns. The boy in the tent said he would take them off. No, they have a pair, great. - You look great, Kelly. - Thank you. Each... You have... You have a little leak in the breast. God! Thank you. "That thorn hurt me. - I will push it. - Yes. Why does not milk come out? I think you should have a baby for milk. Sorry, I'm nervous. In general I am more gentleman. David, I wanted to explain to you the reason I called you. Very good. There is a gentleman in the cabin behind me. Do not see, do not see. This gentleman is my friend And you have an idea that wants to share with you. Can you hear me now? I hear you. I hear everything, David. Very good. - How should I call you, sir? - Nothing. You do not need to see me or know my name. Refer me to Geppetto. Geppetto? You know, Geppetto, Pinocchio, because I am the puppeteer. - I think it refers to Stromboli. - What did you call me? Nothing, I think you mean to Stromboli, Geppetto carved the wood, Stromboli was the puppeteer. Continue. Miss Campbell tells me that they worked together at Loomis. You are one of his best employees. An exemplary worker. Clean as a nun's panties. Well, I do not know if it's exactly like this, but... The fact is that she says you are so dependable you are one of the few employees who have a key to the vault. I think that's a great honor. And I also think is a great opportunity. Do you understand where I'm going with this? Are you suggesting that I go in and take...? David, I saw you enter here. You're a handsome guy, there's no doubt about that. Your weight is mostly in the chest and buttocks And that gives you a powerful build, I think you deserve more. What they do not understand is that... The point is, you can not do a job like this yourself. You need allies, someone to protect the booty while you hide in Mexico. Loomis Fargo looks like a big store, but the money there is belongs to the banks. And if you take it, technically you're stealing a bank. It is a federal offense. 84 months, minimum. No, David, listen, we're just talking, you know? Just think about it. I love it, Mother. I feel like a giant porcelain doll. Mine is a little tight. Especially in the pepinonino... The pipinono. I know it's too tight. I expected to motivate you to lower some weight. I stopped eating the stuffed cookies you said. - Hello? - David? Hello? Hi. Yes. It is something of the work. Kelly, why are you calling me here? It's not a good time. Well, I just felt a little alone. - Do you feel alone? - Yes, I mean... I do not know, I think I miss you a little. I hope it's okay to say it. I know you're engaged. No, do not self-censure, please. This will be... It will be wonderful, baby. I do not know if I have the courage, you know, to take all the money go to Mexico and flee the law, without knowing the consequences of this. The truth is that it disappoints me that you do not trust me. No, Kelly, I trust you but not in Geppetto. What if... and if were with you? Kelly, would be the best that would have happened to me to be honest. I could do it. Eventually, not at first. Not at first, would not be the right time. - It would not be the right time. "Well, just think about it." Two lovers on the run in Mexico. Like Bonnie and Clyde. We could visit Brazil. Have you ever traveled to Rio? I've been to the airport only twice in my life. It's a truly magical place. Yes, all those planes landing and taking off. - No, Rio. - River! Yes Yes. They say the beaches there are like sugar glas. You and I could spend money on luxury hotels, buy expensive negros and rub us all day coconut juices. Put rose petals on the bed. And stay eating jelly. Hello? Are you there? Hello, David? Kelly, I will. Let's do it, let's steal Loomis Fargo. It will be incredible. Okay, I have to hurry, I should go wash my panties with my mouth. To do what? Goodbye, David. There it is, the man of your dreams. He will live with us forever. It's like you get married with both, David. With Mom and me. David, have you given much thought to what will they do for the honeymoon? Yes, I have some plans. I have them. I will tell you what you will not be able to do if you do not lose weight. What a rich cookie filled. FBITECHNICALMANUAL Where is the money? Who else is involved? We know you have the money! Dinos... Come on! That was close. "Come on, quicken the pace. When you arrive in Mexico, you may have to live off the land - for a while, okay? - Yes. I got you a tarantula. - She is dead, do not be scared. - She's dead? Maybe you should try to prepare your immune system. Not bad. It does not taste as bad as I thought. - What the hell are you doing in my house? - I am sorry. - Who do you think you are? - I apologize, sir. Kelly! Are you sure that McKinney Do not you mind altering your identification? Yes, yes, McKinney does not value government documents... As you and I do, it is... There is Ghantt. - Good weekend. "For you too, brother." - Salute me to your children. - Yes, I tell you. Come on, David, you got it. Time to act. David, are you there? Kelly, guess what I'm doing. - What are you doing? - I'm stealing from Loomis Fargo! David, I knew you could. I am so proud. Yes, it was easy, it's just paper, lot of paper... Yes, paper that will change our lives. Our lives, I like it. Two lives, one heart, like Siamese twins, right? Enough with your love festival. I need you to return of the world of cursilerías and concentrate on the robbery. Geppetto, this is a private conversation, okay? No, this is not a private conversation! It is a robbery. I bought the walkie-talkies... Ghantt, there are Moors on the coast. I repeat, you have company. David is Ty, it's Ty, he's coming back. Ghantt, do you copy us? You must... Who is there? What the fuck is going on? I'll tell Chad. I caught you with your hands in the dough. Ty, listen, it's not what you think, my friend. Hell, do not get me involved in this. No... You said there was no extra hours this weekend. Yes, you're right there is no extra hours, I am covering an extra shift. - The next one is mine. - The next one is yours, yes. How clever. Salute me to your children, yes? I repeat, Ghantt, do you need reinforcements? What's the situation in there? - Do you need...? - Yes, I... It's my fault, Geppetto. I accidentally deleted it, okay? David, stay calm, you can. - Yes, well, yes. - Listen to me. Kelly, I could hear that all day, But let me continue with the robbery, okay? Ghantt, two hours have passed. Why are you taking so long? Change! Well, I think that's all, except the cameras. Pigs, motherfuckers! No! Do not! I'm locked in! Damn postpartum hips! Nuggets! God, my nuggets are crushed! What does it do? Help me! Do not let your face see you. Ghantt, idiot, what are you doing? Open the door. - I got stuck. - Check the door there. Idiot! You went straight to the ditch. This door too is closed. He said it is also closed. Son of... Has anyone tried to open the back door? - Did you try? - No. I'm sorry if this is uncomfortable for you. No, it's fine. You can pass them at the airport. That's about $ 20,000. You'll start with this and send you the rest. Where I come from, 20 thousand are great. It is a year of salary. It is, right? Yes. - We did it. "Well, you did." Take it, Geppetto, I wanted to give it to you. It's your fake ID. My name is Michael McKinney now? McKinney, yes. She is a real person, is a friend of Geppetto. He also gave us his birth certificate for you. Take it. Take, this is a disguise that I made you for You leave the country or whatever. Well, are you ready to go? God! I'm sorry about the contact lenses. I thought "anaconda" was the mark. No, I like it. It's an excellent costume. I look as if Jesus and a cat would have had a baby. Yes, something like that. - Yes, it's a nice idea, you know? - It is. - He created the cats, so... - He created them. Why would not you have a pet half Jesus, half cat? I guess this is a "to death". Remember you must call to this public phone every Tuesday and Thursday. Do not forget. Yes. No! Do your eyes irritate you? "They're tearing you up." I think that's for my heart and not for my eyes, Kelly. Very good. Thank you. You kiss very well. - Really? - Yes, in fact yes. There will be many more of those in Mexico, okay? 1-4-3, Kelly Campbell. 1-4-3. Attention, please. Smoking is allowed only in designated areas. Stop there, sir, right there. Well, you can continue, sir. Have a nice day. They are $ 16.78 dollars. I thought I had it here. Only... My mistake. I have cats. Passengers, we have reached cruising altitude, can unfasten their belts. It will be a quiet flight for a while. - What do we have? - Missing a company van, There are signs of exit with violence. The suspect took three de surveillance tapes and left the fourth. Could be playing with us. What do we know of such David Ghantt? - Do you have anyone? "Your fiancé, Jandice Gartrell." Let's talk to Miss Jandice. - To rock. - Yes. A fortune has disappeared from a regional bank... along with the designated guard to protect it. Loomis Fargo Armored Cars Employees... - What? - OMG! What? - 17 million dollars! - Are you sure? The police call it one of the cash thefts largest in history of the United States. $ 17 million! The authorities are looking for this man, the guard of Loomis, David Scott Ghantt, of Kings Mountain. Measures 1.77, from average to robust build, blue eyes, beard, fringe and hair up to the shoulder. Leave me, let me go! Take it off! Eel attack! Very well, you understand. Miss Jandice, I'm sorry. I understand it will take time process this matter, of course I understand, but any details that can give us in relation the whereabouts of her husband or his motives... It looks like he left the state, ma'am. Possibly the country. I never liked David. - Where are you staying? - I'm in the Swamp. It is a five star hotel with minibar. You have cable TV premium and the whole thing. How elegant! You would love to, you have to come. It's amazing, when will you come? Ready. Yes, very soon. "I'll be here soon." Good! I miss you a lot, really. Bonnie needs her Clyde. Well, I have to go and collect handkerchiefs for my grandmother. - Goodbye David. - Okay bye. What do you do? It's time to remove to David Ghantt from the team. - What? What are you talking about? - Of this... SEARCHED BY THE FBI REWARD $ 500,000 What? Are you going to deliver it? Yes, I will deliver it because if they do not find someone, they will look for us all, okay? There will be three million extra for both. I will not let you do this. David Ghantt is my friend. He is also my friend, Kelly. During this process, I met David. Do not you think this is difficult for me? My heart is breaking, literally. We can not do this, it's wrong! No, I'll tell you what's wrong. David forgot the tape in the vault, that was wrong. - It ruined it. "And if they catch him?" It will say something, it will end up speaking of you and me. And what will you say? "You've never seen my face, does not know my name, only knows of Geppetto. Yes but... He will not say anything about you, Kelly. The boy is crazy about you. And I know that makes you feel guilty, I feel the same. David is drowning, And if we are not careful, will sink us with it. It's as if the three s were on a yacht, he ignores the captain, he leans, he falls Now it is drowning. And he asks us for help. And I try to avoid that you jump with him... or we will be three people drowning. We must say goodbye and let it sink, we know that in the end we will see again. As in fifteen years, what the guides indicate mandatory sentence for bank robbery. And also, we speak of a federal prison. Consider it a public school but with a great wall, and some snipers. But they play softball, they write. They learn things. They make annuities and archery. I'm not kidding, that's how it is in there. And I would not be surprised if David told us: "Thank God they did it. Good job!" This is for the sake of the team. Let me do it. Shit! It can not be! How are you, George? The ice machine of the fifth floor does not work. Excuse me? The ice machine next to my room does not work. We'll fix it right now, Mr. McKinney. That's fine, thank you. Hey! Wait there! I waited! No, Michelle! You have to stick to the plan, okay? We should not attract attention to ourselves. Yes, we made millions of dollars, we know, but we agreed to be discreet. Honey, I do not ask you for a new wardrobe. - I just want a blouse... - I know but I gave my word. - And a matching skirt. - My word is my commitment. - Stevie... - What? Think about all those people that have made us less all life, saying terrible things about us, that we are dumber than a suitcase full of buttocks. - Who said that? - That the car is broken, that our children are the ugliest in the park. Damn, a blouse but only that! It's okay? It's all I want, something small to celebrate. And maybe something small for children. No, no, Michelle, please do not press me. I will not do that for the children. - Think about... - They have to learn that gifts do not appear under a Christmas tree. I want these useless to win 17 million dollars, would not know where to start. We will buy it. WELCOME TO THE SHELL OF NEPTUNE Good champion! All right! - Well done. - Yes! Steve Chambers, good heavens! I did not expect to find you, you know, in this neighborhood. Doug Jeffcoat. Wow! I have not seen you in twenty years, since high school. - Wow! - What are you doing here? We live on the other side of the street and we wanted to come and say hello to our new neighbor. - Do they live on the other side? - Yes. Look at you! You notice you've done good things in life. - Thank you, thank you. - What exactly do you do? I'm retired. I retired, I played some years for the Cowboys but now I'm retired. The Dallas Cowboys? - Yes. - In what position did you play? It was the quarterback. Actually, the best thing of all was that I learned about leadership and I had the honor to belong to such a beautiful organization. When they arrive on Sundays, I still get excited. Yes! Look at that phone and tell me what you see. A phone? - I know, what is it that does not? - Sound? What probably means that our friend to the south of the border is busy with the Mexican feds now. - Do you think it's okay? - It's okay. They will put it in a prison Mexican, not a hell As all people say. They will serve you good food, peasant food. Tortillas, beans. I wish they would give us that food here in the north. Everything is authentic there. Shit! - What do I do? What do I say? - Answer, but wait. If it's him, find out where he is. But this time, I give you the room number. - Hello? - Hello Kelly? David, you're fine! I mean, how are you? You're good? Well, more or less. The Mexican police are behind me. - You're kidding. - I had to wear a disguise. I look like Gene Shalit on the "Today Show". - Find out where it is. - How do you think I am? So, where are you exactly? In Cozumel, it is an island near the coast. Kelly, when will you come? Because I'm getting light the wallet. I need a recharge. If the Mexican police is looking for you, should be careful, airports must be full of security personnel. Steven Eugene Chambers. What? How...? How do you know his name? Steve Chambers. Listen, we'll keep calling him Geppetto, okay? Is he Geppetto? Not as I imagined it. That's for sure, looks like the son of Ric Flair. Listen, I have to go, okay? "Bye, David. Kelly, wait a second! "Kelly...!" Damn it, did she say my name? He knows who I am? - Kelly? - Yes. - You told him. - I do not...! Did you tell him my name? "Then how do you know?" I do not know, he mentioned a wallet. - It's not my fault! - How could...? And well... Who do they want me to mate? No, we'll talk about it later. Not now, not against... I see. - Is one of them? - What? No, Mike! Children, come up at this moment. Now! Mike, you dropped something. Forgive me. You know what? I think we can go straight to the point. We do not need to wait to go to my office. I want to show you a photo of the subject So you know who to look for. Do you think you can handle it? I must tell you that I do not know your exact location, so you'll have to get it info. - I do not mind hunting. - I bet not. And when you get to it, be patient, Take your time and wait for a clean shot. One moment, shoot? Do I have to use a weapon? - Yes, is that a problem? - No. No, it's just that... - I prefer to use a knife. - Yes? Yes, or a piece of string rusty piano. Something to hang. I like the fight. I prefer it. Because I like to remove a life with my hands. It's not your life anymore, it's mine. It is mine. How are you, Mr. Robertson? I'm from the FBI. Looks like a professional basketball player. Excuse me? I already told everyone, I do not know why I took the money - and I do not know where it is. - I see. Would you bring me a glass of water? I'm dying of thirst. This place is very dry, you understand? Put your ass in the chair! 17 million disappeared. "Seventeen!" That money is from federal agents. "It's my money!" And I will not allow to empty my pockets. No, no, sir. Especially for this idiot. Look at it. It seems that Kenny Rogers and Kenny Logins had a child... and then Kenny G appeared at his birthday party... He played the flute and spoiled this boy. I know Ghantt received help from within. Yes, do you know anything, brother? Better start talking. If we do not find out who stole that money We're going to lock somebody up, you know who? This boy I have here. "Yes, nice picture, is not it?" They will love you in jail, my friend. - What do you want from me? - Let's start talking. Tell me who was close to him. - No one. - I know you know it. - You know it. - No one. Who was close to him? "I know you know it!" Wait! There was a girl... A girl who resigned about a month ago. - About a month ago? - With a name of white girl. - Like Becky, Susie, Katie. "Katie?" It was Katie, definitely. Katie Caramel... Katie Caramel Corn. Katie... No, Katie Candy... - Katie Candy Cane. - Katie Candy Cane? - Is she an exotic dancer? - I have no idea. Katie Candy Cane, I go for you, baby. Yes, for you and for all your dancing friends. I wanted to know if an American man is staying there. How do I describe it? It's... it has a lot of body hair, something short. Looks like one of the 12 apostles. Are there three men who fit that description? Well, could you leave a message for all three? Thank you. I want you to say: "Someone wants to kill you." Yes, yes. Thank you very much. How about that one out there? This weapon has secrets... Right? Right? I do not speak Spanish. I'll take it, please. Yes, my girlfriend comes to Mexico, we want to get married. I do not want to ruin the honeymoon, but... What was that? Are you okay, friend? Hey, are you going to run or what? Steve does not want me pursuing you, but I'd rather do it. Come on, I told you to run! Here we go. Follow, follow! "Please, follow!" Do not stop! Follow, very fast, very fast, let's go! Come on, hurry! Not so fast! Speed down! Yes! Continue, continue! Keep going straight! Not right! David? Hello Kelly, I thought I would not hear your voice again. - Are you okay? - A man tries to kill me. He chased me around the village, a guy with a pervert face. He wants to kill me and I do not know if he will leave me alone. I do not understand what happens. David, listen, I'm sorry. Steve panicked. You should not know your real name and I... I tried to send you a message to warn you that I would do something. Did Steve tell you that he would try to kill me? Why would I do that? He knows you and I are lovers. - It does not make sense! - Well... The truth is that... I do not think Steve would send you money. He has cheated on you all the time And I swear I never knew their intentions, I swear. David? And what were your intentions, Kelly? I do not know. I thought you would go to Mexico, would order daiquiris with flowers as adornment, would you know a mamacita and you would forget me. But you did not. No Kelly, you were going to be my mamacita. I do not know what to say... David, you are an amazing person. You must know that I really believe it. Shut up, Kelly! Just shut up! David? You always told me to defend myself. Here I go. You are a manipulator of human emotions and I never, ever want to go back to talk to you. Wait, Dav... Here we go. Look who woke up. - What is happening? - I access the pipe. And what is there? Here below? There you will be. Listen to me, I can pay you. Yes? What do you have? Give me that. Let's see how much we're talking about. - Five, twenty, other twenty. - I can get more, okay? - 48 dollars. - I can get more. I do not know if this will be enough, you understand? Yes, what a pity. He was willing to negotiate. At this point, I realize that I will do it as I dreamed it. Listen, listen. Quiet. Where do you think you're going? I will send you to the place to which you will go now. Do not worry if it's about traveling, sir... Michael McKinney. Is your name Michael McKinney? Yes. Michael Aaron McKinney. Yes. Shit! They never told me. That's my name, too. You were born on May 8, 1961? No... yes. In San Francisco Hospital in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee? Yes, Dollwvood home. Your name is Michael Aaron McKinney. Yes. My name is Michael Aaron McKinney. I do not know what it means, but I do know that God or the galaxy has united us. Yes. Does it mean you're not going to slice me? Forgive me, Michael. Forgive me, please. Yes, I forgive you. That's easy. Please. Have you seen "Twin Game"? The Walt Disney movie with Hayley Mills. It is a powerful film, of course I remember. About two girls who were raised separately known in camp summer and - their little minds go crazy. - Yes. That's what I feel now. - Yes Yes. You know what I wonder? Since we were born in the same hospital, the same day... - Yes? - We should be together... - in the Cuneros, right? - Makes sense. Maybe at some point I turned and saw you and... You turned and saw me. Even with your eyes lagañosos... at that moment we made the promise to meet again someday. Yes, I think we did. - Yes. - Yes. I like you, Michael McKinney and I'm very glad to meet you. Yes, I am also glad to know each other. It was a great encounter. Sleep peacefully, little brother. Miss Campbell, How long have you known David Ghantt? I do not know, about four months ago, maybe five. And during the time that worked with him, Did you find it restless? No, not that I remember. I did not know him very well, so ". Miss Campbell... Hey, I know they are a couple of good men doing a difficult job but only worked there for a short time. Should talk to someone who worked at Loomis when David Ghantt he committed his atrocities. That's what we did. Do you know what they told us? We talked to Kelly Campbell, because they were close. They even hinted that David Ghantt felt something for you. I was in love with you. That's crazy. Please! Miss Kelly, okay? Yes, I only have seasonal allergies. I think I'm allergic to those flowers or something. - To the plastic flowers? - Yes, it's crazy. Can you excuse me for a moment? He said that I was a man. Shit! Can anyone answer? - Hello? - Is Steve Chambers talking? - How did you get this number? - Mike McKinney had it. - Where is Mike McKinney? - That's none of your business. - Well, David, calm down. "No, you calm down. I opened an account in a Mexican bank - and this is what I expect. - No, wait a second, Ghantt! I expect six million dollars in it in two days from of this precise second. I feel like a sausage at a hot-dog party and this is not flattering. I begin to lose my composure. David, I do not know what you think what's happening but I'm not your enemy, okay? Listen to me... The name of the bank is Luxury Bank. If there are not six million there in two days, from this minute, will hand me over to the police and yours will be the first name given to them. Ghantt, son of...! "God! Didi, to customer services, please. Didi, to customer services. - How are you in there? - I'm fine thanks. Look at this! With that she could not cover mine. You know? Something I learned from thongs painfully is that this thread can be a freight train which carries bacteria from one hole to the other. All aboard! Next stop: City Candidiasis infection. I do not want to go down there. And will not start talking of the scabs, but just in case, I always carry a good vaginal cream. This is mine, I was prescribed it. That's a big pipe. It does not take your vagina, only the horrible itch. Thank you. Will make sure to pack one. - You are. - Jandice. You are David's lover of work. I had a picture of you in your jewelry box. No, it's not me. - You're a whore! - Let go! - No, I will never let you go. - Everything is alright? There is a waiting client. Stop! No. No! Not my vaginal cream! They no longer make it! No! You're crazy! Josh and Lola's parents come to lost things, please. I would like to make a retreat, please. It is empty, sir. Is it empty? Could you check one more time, please? What? Hello? Interpol, Agent Steve Chambers. Good joke! Unlike you, Chambers, I keep my word. Guess where I am? In front of the police station . Guess what I'm about to do. Introduce myself. Well, one does what he should, Ghantt But before you do, could you say hello to someone? David, it's me, I'm fine, do not tell him anything...! Enough, shut it up! I think you recognize that voice, belongs to the beautiful Kelly Campbell. I do not want to talk to her. Really? I know all about their little encounter. I find? Stop fucking, Ghantt! I found Kelly with their bags already packed to escape to Mexico. I had a ticket to Cancun and I was leaving. Really? You will not see Kelly Campbell for a long time because you will be living in the shed of my property eating dog food and urinating in a jar. Put Kelly on the phone, now! And another thing, you will buy a one way ticket to South America. Because it is very hot there. When you leave and the heat has passed, I'll let Kelly go. If you do something to Kelly I'm going to be very angry! You have my word, I will not hurt you. Ladies and gentlemen, we are happy to inform you flight A37 from Miami has reached Gate 6. Have a good day. I scared you, did not I? Come here! That's. Wow, look at that! Your heart beats very hard. Good Lord! I really scared you, did not I? - Are you okay? - I'm drowning. Do you want me to bring you more horchata? No, okay, I'm drowning with my churro. What are you doing? You know, I went back to the United States, I have a job. - Really? What will you do? - Tax preparation. Really? How good! No, just joking. "I will continue to murder. - Really? It's okay. - Yes, you know. - I must fulfill my duty. - Yes. - You must dance to the sound that they touch to you. - Yes. Yes, the good news is that will be eaten. - Really? - Yes, a woman. Good, women are easier. Much easier, do not oppose as much resistance. - Well, that is my flight. - It is? Agree. - And you? Where are you going? - I'm going to Rio. Yes, the seat of the big asses. Yes, the seat of the big asses! I heard women from there have huge asses. Yes, I guess women also. - Okay. - The best of luck in... You know... - Killing for money? - Yes. - I appreciate it. - Very good. That is very kind of you. "Have a good trip. - Yes. - Hey, Mike... Hey! Wait, do you know this girl? "Kelly Campbell?" Yes, it's what I've tried to tell you, it's my girlfriend. Michael, I can not kill your girl. No, you can not kill my girlfriend. Shit! Hey... Do you want to go to Rio de Janeiro? Do you want us to change places? Yes. Like a pair of Hayley Milses. I give up. Come here! "Hey, listen to me. Be careful, okay? "Steve is dangerous. Go! Sometimes, I too can be dangerous! Passengers can carry two suitcases on board. Make sure they fit under the seats or in the upper compartment. If your baggage is too large, we will gladly receive at the door. I'm sure, Steve, never got off the plane. No, I'll go with you now. We've watched Steve and Michelle Chambers for a while in relation to the robbery to Loomis Fargo. We have evidence of exorbitant banking transactions. - Compulsive shopping. - Do not tell me. But what we do not have is a confession. That's where you come in. - Since the day they moved I told Doug that there was no way they would money obtained legitimately. Cathy has always had a keen sense to know - who belongs and who does not. "Maybe it's pretentious." What you are, Mrs. Jeffcoat, is a patriot. We will listen to everything you and Steve discuss, so try to show him the property, you understand? = Haláguelo, make it feel that is part of the clan. - Have him reveal his secrets. - Yes. Mr. Jeffcoat, when you enter, breathe through your nose and not by the mouth, the recording will be better. Yes, I can do it. Hello, it's the Jeffcoat! Welcome. - How are you, my friend? - Steve. - Are you okay? - Yes. What happens to you? Why does it sound like that? - It is a whistling moco. - It is a... His mucus dried out in a whistle. - Really? - Yes. Let's go in, I'll show you where the bar is. Come, let us go. Hello! Bonjour, welcome. Hello neighbor! What a beautiful basket. There is a table of... Enjoy the Shell of Neptune. Kelly. I'll take that. Wait a second, Ghantt. Please do not shoot, I have children. Yes? Your children know that you are a liar And trickster sack of crap? I have not found the right time to tell them. David? David, talk to me! Here I am, sweetheart. Do not you worry about anything. - David, how did you find me? "I could smell your scent anywhere." It's a cheap door. Wait! David, next time you have to count to three. I want to welcome you to the opening party from our home! Thank you all. OMG! We have created a small assembly to celebrate our wonderful last two months here at Cramer Mountain. Steve, it's ruining everything! Hey, what are you doing? Are you high? Do you think it's funny? It is not! - He's here! - Who is here? - David Ghantt is here. "Runny, shut up!" Up here, great idiot! Hey Steve, I guess you got into people... You...! The BMW Miata by Steve? Will kill you. Yes? Well try it. No, no! - My Geo no! - Good girl! My heart goes to more than 300 km per hour but the car only to 72! David, be careful! - Hold your breasts. - What? Sometimes the only way out is traversing. No, David! I have you! Come here. Ghantt, I pray to God that do not have a contusion because I want you to remember every second of this beating. For God's sake, show a little respect! Respect? Why? I am the master mind after the robbery. The master mind? Do you think you are? David, I want you to remember one thing. You were never more than the one who delivered parcels. If I had had more time and enough dried meat I would have trained my dog to go for that money. Who came up with the plan? "Me, Steve! Who washed the money? I! Steve again. And who sent Mike McKinney to Mexico to kill you? - I, I, I. - We got you! I heard you, Steve, strong and clear. You will go to jail. How are you? Well, considering the situation. My sentence starts tomorrow in Butner Low or something. Yes, I did. I will be in a federal prison in Alderson. You stole a bank for me. Steal a million banks for you, Kelly Campbell. I would. Would steal a funeral home for you. I do not think there is much money there... but... You understand me. Hey, let's make a promise. Yes, which one? While we are in prison, keep the fringe. I expected you to say something like that. I promise. I will miss you, Kelly Campbell. And I to you. Kelly wrote me every week of my sentence. Spend my next seven birthdays behind bars. For my involvement in the robbery of Loomis Fargo. The ancient David Ghantt would have been scared to go to prison. Many of these guys were here for murder. But the new David Ghantt was ready to be a man. Fortunately, I never had to do it. It turned out to have stolen more cash than any American in history. I was a legend in prison, was a legend in my city. Is it true that almost two million of dollars did not appear? Next question. And I became a legend in the nation. The suspects were arrested this evening after one of the robberies in a car armored largest in this country. The FBI says it was a $ 17 million job made from the inside by a conductor. One of the biggest robberies in a car armored. More than 17 million dollars. Listen to this, 2.6 million dollars still do not appear. Steal a bank and have lots of money is not the key to happiness. I was wrong. But I will say this. Until you risk in life, discover who you really are. Mikey? - Look at your hair! - Already. Yes, here you are! Lately I have received many reactions like that. - Yes, it looks good. - Thanks I appreciate it. Your car also looks good. Yes, this you see here is a Cadillac of the 74. What the hell is that? Well, I never knew his name. But I do have their teeth, what is good. Heavens! That's why you should not jog around a prison. Walk, get up. Okay, Mr. McKinney, where are we going? I would like to see my girlfriend, Kelly. I like that. A jolt coming out of prison, right? Yes, yes! Yes, yes! The robbery of Loomis Fargo continues to be one of the robberies Cash greater in the history of the United States. Steve Chambers spent 11 years behind bars. You are now owner of a fitness center. David Ghantt was 7 years in prison. You now have a good life in Florida. And occasionally works as a movie advisor. Of the 17 million of dollars that were stolen, almost 2 million follow without appearing. Fixed Synced by bozxphd. Enjoy The Flick - It's a classic reaction. They're like animals. And they want me to become one of them. - Man, you shoulda seen him. God, his face. Must of aged 10 years in just a matter of minutes. - Mr. Gisbourne's computer. The vault guardian himself. - Okay, well to his credit, it took over 87 seconds to crack the vault. You know what's the longest it's ever taken me? - You know there's an official term for this, right? It's called hacking. - It's also called living on the edge. - You know you could go to jail for that. - Not until your caught. And just for the record, our great nation was built by curious minds. - Well, wasn't is curiosity that killed the cat? - That, only applies to small minds. You okay? You know I worry about you. - You don't have to. - Yeah, I do. You're my girl. - Feels like I'm going crazy. Think it'll come back? - I think that one day you'll figure it out. - It's been three years. - Jesus, haven't we been through this? I'm sorry I didn't mean it. - I guess sensitivity isn't something you can acquire. - Sensitivity? You know let me think. I know someone, a super good kid on prom night. What was his name? Oh yeah, Billy. Poor little Billy. - I was sick. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. You asked bill Grotowski to prom? - It was middle school. - Wait he didn't know that? - You're such a jerk, Cole. - I'm so sorry. I thought everybody knew about it. - Great, that makes me feel real good. - Are you mad? - Yes, I am. - How mad is my baby? - I'm pissed mad. - I like it when you get mad. - Could you stop? You know this doesn't look like a road anymore, are you sure we're going the right way? - Yes, the GPS says two miles. - It's been saying that for the past 20 miles. - No, it hasn't. - Here, try that. - Are you kidding me? - Go ahead. - Same thing, two miles. - Well it would help if you held the map straight. - I am holding it straight. - Give it to me. - Hey! - You guys are already acting like a married couple. - Look out! - Whoa! - You okay? - Did, did we kill him? - I'm really sorry man. I'm really sorry. - Are you okay? Go get water! Water, now! - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Are you okay? - If my mother saw this she'd be very upset. - Your mother should have warned you about those blind spots. Well, this is Reagan, Christie, and Cole. And you've met Justin. - Ethan. - You okay? - I think so. - It just, I mean, we got lost, and, Justin was Tryna, - uh, no worries. No harm done. - Well what the hell are you doing in the middle of nowhere? - On my way to the next town. - May, maybe you can help us get there? - Check the car. - Well? Are we screwed? - Yep. We're screwed. - Alright. Call for some help. - Not happening. - We've been driving for what, 30, 40 minutes? - Yeah. - When's the last time someone saw a car pass by? - Not me. - Well, shoulda stayed with the highway. - GPS showed this was the shortest way. I was Tryna cut the distance. - Cut the distance? Doesn't look like we did that now, does it? - Oh Jesus guys, not right now. Let's just try to stay positive. Does anyone have any ideas? - Well, it's a long way back to the road. - Guess that's good for starters. Any other ideas? - We could start walking. Find our way to the highway? - Do you even know how far the highway is? - Uh, yeah. The GPS said two miles. - Right, the GPS, two miles. - Oh you're map said the same exact thing. - My map? - We just looked at it. - You have no idea how far the highway is, okay? It could be, - it could be way farther. - Yeah, it just said, - all I'm saying is if, - two miles. - Just wait here for two hours - no way. - Or we walk for a mile, to go find help. In Emeryville. - Emeryville? - Emeryville? - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second, okay. There's no mention of an Emeryville here. - Maybe it's too small for the map. - Too old to be on the map. But it's worth the shot. - Exactly. I already like the sound of it already. I know. A Marie ville. - Okay, I'm not leaving the road for some ghost town. I just have a bad feeling about this. - Okay, and when was the last time you had a fire in your belly? - Okay you clearly haven't seen wrong turn. If we go in there, we may never get out. - Justin. The world is not out to get you. - Okay, I see what you're trying to do. - I'm not trying to do anything. We just, we need help, and there's people in there that could help us. - Does anybody else think that we shouldn't go in there? - He's right. - Are you kidding me? - See. You should hand out with her more, than just going to those malls all the time. - Okay. Fine, let's just wait it out. - Hey did anyone else just hear that? Come on, we can't just sit around here, and do nothing. - For once, I'm with her. - Okay, how about a show of hands. All those in favor of Emeryville, raise your hand. Do you really think it could get any worse? - There is another option. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, I'm not betting my life at a toss of a coin. - Heads, we go. - I'm not going anywhere. - You just agreed, we all did. - No, I didn't. - It's not a bad idea if somebody just stayed behind, and kept a look out. Alright, let's get outta here. - You okay to walk? - Hey, you guys. - They all died the same day they were born. - Some kind of infantile disease. - Jesus. You don't look too good. - Guys we have to turn back. - We can't. Look around, there's no where else to go. Where are we? - 1898. - There's a reason why it never made the map. - Oh my god, are you okay? - I just, save my baby. - What? - Someone just get a doctor. Jesus, don't just stand there. Jesus. - Is she okay? - Hey wait, no, no, no, I'm not done yet. - You're done. - Hey I'm not done! - Hello? Anybody home? Is there a mechanic around here? Does he talk? - Once dead. The car is turn cut. If a god or, - enough Andy. What can I do for you fellas? - The radiator of our car shot and, we thought, is there a mechanic? - Not within a 20 mile radius. - Safe to assume you guys don't have much car trouble? - We don't. No motor vehicles here. Never had 'em. Don't need 'em. - Can we use that? - That's for emergencies only. That's house rules. - Are there any other payphones around here? - House rules doesn't mean I can't make that call. Who are you calling? - Triple a. - Triple a? - Mechanic. - Guess that can be arranged. Howdy bird. There's some city folks here. Sure would appreciate some help with their car. Guess it'll have to be tomorrow morning. - Tomorrow's too late. - Guess we'll have to look for help elsewhere. - Elsewhere's more than a walk. - You folks wanna stay here. - Not a choice, okay. Sorry, let's go. - Do you know what a pack of hungry coyotes can do to you? - What do you mean? - A few weeks ago, Aaron, our blacksmith's son, wandered off in them woods. Guess curiosity got the best of him. Village folks went looking for him. Took three days before we found Aaron. Or at least what was left of him. - We'll take your offer. - No we won't. - Yes, we will. - You people have made a wise choice. Folks around here call me Smith. - Is there something about this town that we should know? - You think we're crazy? - No, it's not that. It's just, the way everyone looks at us. - Place like ours, outsiders are a rare treat. Hope you folks like pork chops. Trevor here kills, and puts food on our table. I believe you met scar. - Yeah. Sure knows how to treat a lady. - Now Bertha, she woulda hurt herself, if it wasn't for scar. Tell Bertha there'll be four additional mouths to feed tonight. - Five. I'll get Justin. - You guys lived here long? - There is no smoking in the village. - What are you guys afraid of cancer? - We have them rules. Without rules, there's chaos. - It's okay to smile. - Pick 'em up on your way out. - Now we know why they're stuck in the past. You guys go 'head, I'll catch up with you in a few. - Where are you going? - Tune in to some town gossip. - Justin! Justin! - Ah! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Did you find the mechanic? - Barbaric, ain't it? - Guess it was. - What can I do you for? - How 'bout a shave, Nathan. - That ain't my name. - It says it right there. It's quite a place you have here. You hiding from someone? - The government. Hiding from our government. - Well, how long have you been hiding? - You think our government's doing the right thing? - The right thing? - Yeah, the right thing, with those witch hunts. Hoover's FBI. It ain't no secret. McCarthy's got 'em breathing down everyone's neck. - We're talking president Truman? - Hell yeah president Truman. He's given a free run to both McCarthy and hoover. They think they can get away with murder. They hunt you down like rats. They tap your phone, listen to your conversation, they follow you everywhere you go. An honest man can't take dump, without 'em looking up his ass. No privacy! You know what I mean? - How'd they find you? - Huh? - Hoover's FBI. How'd they find you? - They got those device on ya. They hide 'em on your nails. Dude I got back at them sons of bitches. - Never look to town gossip. - Your orders are to retreat. - I repeat, retreat. - All units head out. - Why you still here boy? - We were sent to protect them, sir! - Alright move! We gotta go! - No! - What'd you say soldier? - There are women and children, sir! - Not ours. - Bad dream? - Yeah. - What was it about? - Same thing. - You know uh, dreams have nothing to do with our future. - There's never enough wood. That's quite a job you did on Bertha. - It wasn't much. - You a medicine woman? - You mean a doctor? No, I'm not quite there yet. I mean I volunteer at the children's hospital. Saint chapels. - You like those? - Yeah. All they need is more red. - Dwarfy here aspires to be a painter. Good music's a cure for a crazy mind. - Can we have the dinner please? - Sarah. - Her name is Reagan. - Sarah Blake. - These kids are from the city. - It can't be. - My apologies. Our medicine man, doctor, has not been himself lately. - No worries. - He's been acting odd. - Know what else is odd? Where are all the kids hiding? What did I say something wrong? - That's one thing we don't talk about in Emeryville. Children. - Oh. Guess it's my turn for an apology. - You didn't know son. Now, let's enjoy the music. Someone get that noise out of my head, before I fuck somebody up! - I need some fresh air. - Me too. Something isn't right about this place. - I mean, doesn't this scare you? - There's worse out there. And yes, it does scare me. - You hide yourself pretty well. - Must be in the gene pool. My old man was a poker player. - Was he good? - The best in paradise, Pennsylvania. Problem is, that's just about the only thing he was good at. - When'd you see him last? - He was at my fourth birthday. Got me that chocolate chip ice cream cake, from Robinson's, with a cherry on top. - You still remember. - And a million other things. - Must be hard on you guys. With him leaving and all. - Mom said it was better that way. The town got to him. - Is that why you chose the army? - It wasn't much of a choice. - And now you're headed back? - There's someone waiting for me. - She must be worth it. - Yep. She is. It's my mom. She's dying. What about you? You and Cole, how'd you guys meet? I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that. - No, I want to. Cole found me, took care of me. - Found you? - There was this accident, about three years ago. Last thing I remember was waking up in the hospital, without a past. - What about your family? - If there was one. No one filed a missing persons report. - Is that why you get those? - What nosebleeds? No, no. Deja vus. I guess a few of them are too strong for my mind. - Sometimes it's not such a bad thing to forget. What? - Have you noticed something? We've got so much in common, and yet we're so far apart. - How's that? - Our past. Except you run from yours, and all I got are Deja vus. - What is it? - These tracks. They're not more than a few days old. - And? - Smith said there's no vehicles. - Where the hell have you been? - Getting some air. - Uh, with him? - Yes, with him. - Okay, what'd you talk about? - Cole, nothing that concerns you. - Did he tell you he was dishonorably discharged from the army? - You went through his stuff? - Did he, huh? His dark fucking secrets. - It's none of your business. - Aw man, you know it became my business, the moment you took my girl out for a walk. He's a coward, that's why. He probably got people killed. - It wasn't like that. - You know, I bet it was worse. - Come on! You guys. We're in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by weirdos. If y'all can't be friends, can we just pretend to get along? - She makes a good point. - Wasn't like that. - Where are you going? - To get some air. Are you coming? - It's kinda getting late to be out there. - You know she's right man, you should just stay behind. - No, no, wait, wait, I'll go. It'll be okay. - It's time for a town haul. Get the doctor. - You guys serious? - Yeah, yeah man. I'm feeling those vibes. She's the one. - You guys make a great couple. You love her, she clearly loves you back. - Yeah, sometimes it's a bit too much. - Do you know how it feels when you're in love with someone and you feel nothing back? You don't wanna know. Every time you gaze into their eyes, a part of you dies. I've been dying for three years now. There's no such thing as too much love. Justin, Justin! Did you hear that? Justin! Hello? Are you okay? - The baby. They killed my baby. - You're not making any sense. You need to rest. - No rest without the baby. - Where is everyone? - Praying, for someone to help us save the babies. - It won't work. - What's the worst that can happen? - They could die. Just like the last ones, and the ones before. - It's called evolution. You taught us that. - I did? - Our legacy, it must continue. - Legacy? You call this a legacy? We're stuck here, without a past, and no future. - You say we let 'em go? - Yes, we let 'em go. - So they can come back? With people, with cameras. - They'll never find us. - They found us the first time. We got lucky once, with that little friend of yours. We live by the rules, we survive by the rules. And the first rule is? - No one leaves. - No one leaves. They have a better chance with you. - And what about the second rule? We'll keep the ones we need. - The medicine woman. She dreamed with the children. - She won't remember. - If not her medicine, her compassion we can use. Perhaps we can make a deal. - Deal? - We tell you your name, and where you come from. - That would be nice. - If you pray god will listen. You just have to pray hard. - No. - You're our only hope! - Justin! Justin! Let me in! Open the door! - Christie? - Did she say anything? - She said something about some sounds. - But nothing else? - No. - You know Christie and how impulsive she is. She probably just went for a walk. - Yeah, she's impulsive, but not stupid. We need to go out there. We need to find her. - And start where? - I don't know. I don't know, - no, I think it's best if we just wait for her. - What if it was Reagen, huh? - You're overreacting. - Hell yeah I'm overreacting. I'm surprised you're not. Where the fuck have you, been? - They keep the ones they need. - Pumpkin? Pumpkin, what's wrong? Hey, hey, hey, are you okay? Hey pumpkin, hey it's me. Say something, say anything. Come on you're scaring the shit out of me. - Is she okay? - I don't know. Come on, say something. I don't care what you guys think, but that's not Christie. Did you hear how she sounded? It's like she was possessed. Something happened to her out there. Someone did that to her. - Where are you going? - To get some answers. - From whom? - I'll start with Smith. - And how do you expect to get them? - Well Mr. Wesson could be pretty persuasive. - Where did you get that? - Does it matter? Move. - Cole. - Open up. Open up you motherfucker! I know you're in there! - Ain't it too late for you city folks? - What happened to Christie? - Something wrong with her? - I don't know, I was hoping you'd tell me. She goes for a walk in the village. Next thing you know she comes back like one of you people. - Village after dark can become a dangerous place. - I need that. - Like I said, house rules. - I'm sure we can move around them rules, can't we? - How many bullets you got in there? - I got enough to get me to that phone. - You sure about that? I hope your friend feels better. - We need to get out of here. - Can't we just wait until morning? I mean it's only a few hours before, - a few hour before we're either dead, or we turn into one of them. - What if we just locked ourselves in here? - Look, you guys were right. You and Reagen both. We shouldn't be here. But man it's too late. What I saw out there is evil. And it's sooner or later before it comes looking for us. - But if that's the case, I mean aren't we safer locked in here? I mean, come dawn we can just catch a ride with the mechanic. - If there really is one. - What do you mean, we all heard him on the phone. - We heard his side of the conversation. - Cole, I'm not leaving her. - Who's with me? - What about Christie? - We'll come back for her. - No, Cole, I'm not leaving her. - Yeah, well what if they kill her. - If they wanted her dead, we wouldn't be having this argument. - We made a pact. Friends don't leave friends behind. - We were kids. We were stuck in the tree house. - We made that promise. You, made that promise. - Yeah, you're right. - There is one other option. One of goes to find help. - It's another one of your brilliant ideas. - No, no, let's hear him out. - Earlier, when we were out there, we saw tire tracks, right? And I'm telling you, those tracks were not more than a couple days old. - Yeah, and what's your point? - There's gotta be a vehicle somewhere. - Talk about some crazy idea. You know, and even if there is some escape vehicle out there, how are we gonna find it? - We follow the tracks. - We follow the tracks? In the middle of the night? - We have these. - Yeah, and you also have an entire fucking village watching you! - I'm not sure there's much of a choice here. - I can't leave Christie. - Tails, you leave. - It's my turn. - How do we know you'll come back? - I'm afraid you'll just have to take that chance. - You know the rules. Without rules, there is chaos. - Leave us alone! - Others? - Not very far. - They can't all be the same. There has to be an odd one out. - What you mean like, someone with an ounce of sanity left? - Yeah. - Like a minority would work. - Where do you think you're going? - In search of sanity. - I thought you'd never come. - There's so many questions. - There are no answers, I'm afraid. See that? People believe a dream catcher holds destiny to their future. Ironical as it may same, I'm looking for a past. - I don't understand. - For as long as I can remember, which is not a lot, I've been living in this godforsaken place. A few scraps of memories, a flurry of dreams, that's all I got. I was hoping you could help me make sense of it all. - What makes you think that I can? - 'Cause you're always there, in those dreams. - Well what was the last thing that you remember? - Waking up. - How long ago was that? - Uh, I've run out of space. You're gonna have to help me make sense of it all, I'm afraid. - I, uh, okay. Um, um, you got me. You're Kowalski, um, Dr. Kowalski, quiet and compassionate. - Yes. Why would I kill you? - There was an accident. - What is your name? - Reagen, Reagen. - See for a moment, you had me convinced. All I wanted was your manual. Goodbye Sarah Blake. - No! - What happened? We gotta get outta here. We gotta get outta, we gotta get Christie! We gotta get out of here now! - Justin, calm down. We can't get to the house right now. We have to wait for Ethan. And we're still alive. - Being alive doesn't feel so great, now does it? - Man do you remember that party? After senior prom? Making out with those Mckinnie sisters upstairs, and their dad showed up? What was his name again? - Mr. Mckinnie. - Yeah, Mr. Mckinnie. Came hunting after us with that double barrel? - Yeah, yeah I remember. - Do you think that this is any worse? - Nothing could be worse than Mr. Mckinnie staring at us with that double barrel. - Now you wait. Ethan's gonna be driving down that road at any moment. We'll be on our way. - Ethan's not coming back. - You chose to come here! - We made a mistake. We have to deal with it. - Maybe I don't want to deal with it. - Justin wait! - For what? For death? Or to become like one of them? Right now I'm not sure which one is more attractive. If you find Christie, when you find Christie, just tell her something for me, huh? Tell her I found that fire. You tell her I took a stand. - Gonna be a long night. Long and wet. - Do you think Justin will be okay? - I don't know. - Now what? - I don't know. - Come on, Cole. You always find a way. - I'm sorry to disappoint you. - I must look terrible. Ugh. - No, I don't think you've ever looked prettier. - I don't think now's a good time for compliments. - It's never a bad time with you. How long have we been together? - I don't, I don't know. - It'll be three years tomorrow. And there's something I've been meaning to say for a while now, I just, I couldn't find the time. Reagen, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I know, that I'm hopelessly flawed to deserve you. - You've got a good heart Cole. - No, I don't. The truth is, ever since I saw you, I wished you'd never remember your past. - There's gotta be a good reason. - It's just, what if there was someone else? Someone, who cared about you, more than me. I'm just so scared of losing you. - You don't have to worry about that. - How 'bout, as soon as we get out of this place, we can start over again. We can, ya know, go on our first date and everything, what do you think? I'm gonna need therapy after all this is over. - How does greasy Chinese takeout, and a cheap bottle of wine, and a kung-fu movie at the drive-in sound? - Greasy Chinese food, and cheap wine, sounds great. We should call in. How about this week. Uh, oh, phone. - Hm? - We have to get to the saloon, to the phone. - How do you plan on doing that exactly? - Oh god, I don't know. Just give me your phone. - Cole, you know it doesn't work. - It'll work just fine. - Who is it? - It's me, city boy. They found this place. - FBI? - I'm afraid so. - Tracking device. - There's more where this came from. - What do you suggest we do? - Can I come in? - Ethan, is that you? Come on man, it's not the time to be, - no rules, - funny. - There's chaos. - See what I mean. - No. I'm afraid I don't. - Operator. Operator! Ugh! - Look at their hooves. Don't they look funny? You can't see that? Look at it? Look at the hooves! Don't you get it? Whoever's out here! He's been in here! Look! - Get a hold of yourself! - They're out here! Because of hoover! They've been out here! Look at 'em, look at 'em! See how they, - them stray folk put you up to this? - No! I knew, the moment I laid eyes on you, you were with the FBI! Where are you hiding that device? - Shh! - God may never forgive me, for what I've started today. These people may be mentally ill, but they're still human. And no amount of electricity can make them human again. We don't always make the right choices. For all we know, in those moments, are the result of bad memories. Wm3c4 erased declarative memory, while leaving procedural memory alone. In other words, physiologically they remain unchanged, behaviorally however, the subject becomes an empty slate. Wm3c4, is a declarative memory reset button. Three months now, the treatments are going better than I anticipated. Several subjects have started forming new memories. A few have started inventing memories. Their behavioral instability used to be a concern. First success, someone who could actually rationalize, control impulses, separate right from wrong. This one, fit for the real world. Something ain't right. A few of the subjects are continuing to exhibit random aggressive behavior, that's outside the normal patterns. It's rubbing off on others. The in law inside them is, it's contagious. I'm beginning to think you can't tame what's meant to be wild. And it was the first sign of trouble. When Ms. Blake reached her full term. It's a classic reaction, they're like animals and they want me to become one of them. - There was no infantile disease. No one showed 'em how to handle babies. The cries got to them. - What are you talking about? - It doesn't matter anymore. Christie was right. They keep the ones they need, and they don't need us. - Hey, there's a way out. - Yeah, uh, Justin, Justin, Justin, we have to get, Justin, - look at me! Look at me! - Give me your hand. - Can I let go? What? - You came back. - You didn't think I would? - Just for a moment. - Listen, there's still a couple hours 'til daylight. I know it doesn't sound right, but get some sleep. - I'll take you up on that. - Bad dream again? - I left someone behind. Her entire family. - So that why you were dishonorably discharged, leaving 'em behind? - For trying to save them. - Oh my god, Chris! - Come on, we can't stop! - Chris! Chris! Oh my god, Chris! - Her name is Casey. - It's not her name. I don't have time to explain. Chris you have to come with me. - Just come. - Casey will help her family. Raise children, our legacy. - You're not her family. - Oh yes, but we are. - Casey, tell her who's your family. - This is my family. - Hey. Come on, come on, come on. We gotta go. Come on, we gotta go. Go, go, go! - How much more? - Come on, come on. Get in. - Okay. - Get in. - We're not getting outta here. What, what? What? - You drove a stick before? - Come on get inside. - We both won't make it. Not with the stuck gearbox. I'll lead 'em away. - No, I'm not leaving without you. - There's not much of a choice here. - What about your mom? She's been there before. Fair enough. Tails, I leave. Heads you go. - I'm coming back for you. - Don't. - Remember what you said last night. How I fight to forget, and all you have are Deja vus. Well guess what? I'm tired of fighting. Now go. Before I change my mind. - You're dead wrong about your dad. He wasn't the best poker player in town. Poker face. There's never enough wood. There you go, good. - I'm gonna go ahead and start flowing. - You can stop. You can stop. I don't know where the coin is. - You are rolling? - Forget the sun, I don't need the sun. Let's just go. - Yep. - Yep. - Okay. Action. - Alright that is a wrap for the night. - That's a wrap? - That's a wrap. What are you thinking, is Jesse dead and Marosi was telling the truth? - He didn't get him. - Then how do we explain his DNA turning up? When I went to lure him in, someone arrived. - Who was that? - His father. Alan Wells, I'm arresting you on suspicion of the murder of Jesse Wells. The lab spotted an anomaly. Alan Wells is not Jesse's father. - Who was he? - His name was Frank Lipton. - Where is Frank now? - He moved away. He moves to a remote house and he tries to make himself invisible. I love you. Is Jesse's DNA from that plaster? What about blood donation? Do you happen to know the names of the people that used to own this place? You have to see this. Mark. Frank. Hello, Mark. I suppose you being here means you want answers. Beans, beans, good for your heart. The more you eat, the more you fart. The more you fart, the better you feel. Girls, that's enough. - It's not swearing. - Yes it is. And even if it isn't, it's still very irritating. His name's Robert. His name's Karl. No, he's mine. No...! Girls! I'm so so sorry. I tried calling but you must have left. It's Mark, he's been up all night. Temperature and vomiting. - I'm going to keep him home today. - Oh boy, I'm sorry. I can still pick up your girls after school, though. Alan should be home by then. It's not a problem. You're sure that's OK? Yes, of course. Thanks, Julie. I hope Mark's feeling better. - Have a good day, Frank. - You too. Girls! Pack it in! Would you stop? Hannah, will you stop irritating your sister? In a split second, everything changed. My wife and I were never the same again. She blamed me for what happened. Your mother was kind. She was there for me. Our lives were destroyed by a moment. One decision, taken in the blink of an eye, the consequences last forever. I don't need hope. I need reality. That's what I'm dealing with now. Simple, basic reality. I think she did it out of pity. But afterwards she regretted it. She loved your father. - Doesn't make any sense. - Frank, you're married. I'm married. She's left me. You're a beautiful, beautiful man, but this was never supposed to get serious. Jesse. I asked her once if he was mine. She said: "No, I'm certain." As Jesse got older, I'd look at him. I could see it. I knew, he was mine. Then, that day in the park happened... Ah, just go! Slade! What are we gonna do? - Suppose Jesse tells. - He won't. I'll make sure of it. And neither will we. We tell no one, OK? Daniel! Come back here! Get back here, now! In! Hi there. You haven't seen a... little golden labrador around here, have you? His name is Blacky. Damn. I let him off his lead and now I can't find him anywhere. Should I tell you why I call him Blacky? He was from a litter of pups. That means babies that mommy dog has. And they were black. Except Blacky. He was golden. So when I took him home I thought it would be nice to pretend that he was like his brothers and sisters. I have a picture if you'd like to see it. - Where are you going? - I have to go home. - No, no wait. - I can't. Don't they teach you manners at school? Don't they teach you to respect your elders? Leave him alone! get your hands off him! I know him. Who the hell are you? His father. You wanna bring him up properly. He's got foul mouth. Come on, Jesse. Let's go. That man lost his black dog. - Did he? - That's what he said. Will you take me home after? Your mom phoned and said it would be OK if you stayed the night. Told her it might be funny to spend some time with me. Boys together. And wait for me. Good boy. Wait a minute. This way. Where are we going? To the seaside. Donkey rides and ice-cream. I want my mommy! There's some things I need to tell you, Jesse. Big things. About who you are and who I am. Are you a big enough boy to listen carefully? You're sure? I've been left a house in the country. I moved Jesse there. Where no one knew us. This used to be my mother's house, your grandma. - When did she die? - A long time ago. Before you were born. She was a lovely woman. She would have loved you. Jesse, when you move to a new place, you get a chance to start everything all over again. I've been thinking, I don't want to be Frank anymore. I want to be Ronald. Who do you want to be? If you weren't Jesse, if you had the choice of any name in the whole wide world? I'd come back to Westbridge, now and again. Show my face, mow the lawn. After a couple of years I sold it. Left the area for good. Karl. Good luck today. It's all in there. What can they ask me about chemistry that I can't answer? Call me afterwards. I love you. Everything was fine for years. Until one night... - What do you do? - Police forensics. Analyst. It's really cool. It's like what you see on TV. Same again? Yeah and shots. Black Sambucas. I'm on call. - So have you ever seen a dead body? - Hundreds. Where the fuck is this murder, anyway? Violet Hotel, I should've written it down. - Give me a suit! - No way, man. Come on, let me see the scene. Splatter, isn't it? It's Jackson Pollock in here. Forensics report, from Ken. With the DNA results from the plaster found at the scene. I need you to double-check these forensic results. Why, what's the problem? We've had a DNA hit from the MISPE database from a kid that went missing in 1995. So how about you stop pressing with your boyfriend and check it again? Thanks. Go! I'm his father. Thanks nurse, that's great. Son. Dad. There's something I need to ask you. Who the hell am I? It's Karl. My boy. I'm dying, Mark. I mean look at me, all these tubes. If you want me to pay for it, if you want me to suffer... The pain that you've caused... You've ruined their lives. You lost your daughters, you know how it feels to have something snatched away. That made it easier. Life had shat all over me. I had nothing to lose. And Julie still had their child. Their real child. You. But Karl... or Jesse, he was as much mine as theirs. And look how they neglected him. Letting him nearly get killed by that man. He saved my life. That boy saved my life. It's Karl. depending on how fit you are, please leave a message. Hi Karl, it's Ally. Listen, can you just give me a call as soon as you get this? Mark. It's voicemail. Why is no one answering? Hi Mark, it's Pru. Can you call me when you get this? It's urgent. This is crazy. Karl? Does he remember anything from his past? Well, sometimes he'd cry out in his sleep: "Mom!" "Mark!" I tried to remove all that. And I was clever, I knew just how to play. Your mother would come round the house. I'd let her in. We'd have tea. I'd help out with the search parties. How could you? Hate me if you want to. I deserve that. But when I saw Jesse in the park that day, maybe I was blinded by my own grief, I felt like his father. I felt fiercely protective. It was like some higher power put me there, that moment. To protect my son. You know, I'm not asking for forgiveness. But I'll be gone soon. Karl hasn't come today. He always comes. Wait with me. We can see him together. I'll get him looked after by someone who specializes in Alzheimer's. They always have to look after him properly. And then we go on a holiday. For a proper length of time, you, me and the kids, just... Take a month off of work. Throw my phone in the river. I'm sorry. Let's never forget this moment. Life will get busy again. Normality will kick in. Let's never forget how this feels. What are you doing? It's a Nigerian symbol. It means: "learn from your mistakes". No, he's not answering. We need him here. It's not like Danny to not answer. Something must be really bad, so I'm gonna go see if he's OK. You stay here. Wait for Karl. Look, Mark... I'm not a big believer in fate or destiny or any of that bullshit, but... But what? But like it or not, Frank saved Jesse's life that day. Jesse's alive because of Frank. 'Coz we let him go that day, and... If it wasn't for Frank, then who knows? You know what I mean? - He should've brought him home. . I know, of course, mate. Of course, but... just... I'll be back. - Ken, where's Karl? - No idea, why? I need to speak to him. - Concerning? - It's private. Where is he? You two are like conjoined twins. - Did he leave the office? - I really don't know. Well if he comes back, tell him I'm looking for him. I think Ally might be on to something. Ally, don't! Tell me the truth, or I'll squeeze these so hard, that you are gonna need a surgery to separate them. Leave! - What do you know? - Nothing. What do you know? He's not dangerous. He's just... he's just confused. Keep talking. - Get off... - Keep talking! He found something out about who he really was. It sent him spinning. Look, I only helped him because he's my friend. And because I screwed up. What did you do? It was me that brought him to the murder scene. I was drunk. He drove me. If that came out, that's it. I'd be done. It was my fault, Ally. All this shit is my fault. The DNA came back, blood on the plaster. Karl realized it was his. He though the analysis would show his DNA wasn't in the system. The system said it belonged to a missing kid, called Jesse Wells. And he realized there was only one explanation. He was Jesse Wells. His dad admitted it. He was angry. His whole life was unraveling. He was scared. He was punching walls and screaming. That's how I found him, in bits. That's why I agreed to help him. - How? - He wanted to hide his identity. To protect his real father, so he didn't die in a prison cell. Say what you want about what the guy did, but Karl loved him. He was his dad. What did you do? I screwed with the murder scene, at the Newman house. I planted more of his blood to throw people off. Jesus Christ, you idiot! I didn't want to, I told him. But if I came forward, said what was going on, Ally, I would've lost everything. Ally, please, I... I am begging you. Please ,do not let his come out. It has to, Ken. Planting evidence, Jesus! I cannot lose my job. Is he still angry? - I don't know. - Ken, what's his state of mind? He buried it down, pretended it wasn't happening. he was pretty torn up. Look, Ally... he really likes you. Maybe you can talk to him. Where is he? I don't know. Hey Pru, what's up? Slade, thank God. Where's Mark? It's a bit of a long answer right now. - I need to see him. - Pru, if this is about you and him... It's not that. It's about Jesse. What about him? He's here, I think he's here. - Where are you? - At the police station. Hey, gorgeous. You are all alone? It's cold out here. Have you got time for a drink? Can we get a coffee or something? I've already got one. Or a proper drink, just... Just to have a chat. Is everything OK? Yeah, everything's fine. It's just, you seem a bit... No, I'm fine. Should we get that drink? Just go. Another time. Karl, wait. Jesse! Please, wait! Slade, it's Jesse! He knows I'm aware of this. Pru, where are you? Colbon Street. OK, I'm on my way. Come on, come on! - Where is he? - In the silver car. Oh, shit! Wait! Hey, I got your message. He took him. He knew he was his and he took him. You know, mom never knew anything, did she? She never suspected anything. And he was alive. He's been alive the whole time, 50 fucking miles away. 50 fucking miles away, Danny! And he's been alive the whole fucking time! He's been alive the whole fucking time! He always comes, every day. Wait for him. Little Danny... a police officer now. I know what I did was wrong. And I'm ready to take the consequences. Such as Hell. But I want you to know this: he didn't suffer. There was some confusion. At the start, some sadness. He missed his family, of course he did. But after a while, things changed. He accepted me as his father. He was happy, Mark. He wasn't mistreated. He was happy. he had a good life. It's a shame the rest of us didn't. So what are you gonna do? How long they've given you? Weeks. I lost him, Danny. But I'm at his car. So I'll call you back. I thought I told you to smash the window? Yeah, Slade, I really don't feel comfortable smashing a car window with a brick in the middle of the street. But obviously, you do. Bit of a weird one. We trolled Karl's car. And we found something in the glove box. What is it? It's a library card. A library card? It's the library where Mark's mom works. I also found something else. Something else like what? Bullets. Lots of them. I don't understand what you're telling me. We need more information. Look, the person we've identified is almost certainly the person whose DNA we've found at the crime scenes. He's got a different name now, but yeah, there's a strong chance that it's him. Where is he? That's what we're trying to find out. He ran away. You've lost him? We're scared, that he... that he might do something stupid to himself or to somedody else. He's angry. What's that... He wouldn't hurt me. He wouldn't. We think he might have been here at the library whilst you were here. We found this in his car. I'd know him. If I'd seen him, if he'd been here, if my child was here, I'd know him. OK, look... Can you have a look and see what he might have taken out, what dates he may have been here? He was here yesterday. Borrowed one book. Gulliver's Travels. It's Jesse! I think I know where he might be. Could you run those through by any chance? Don't worry. There's only one exit here. Alright guys, spread out. Keep in contact. Hi, I'm Pru. A friend of Danny's. And admirer? It's just Karl. If we see him, be careful. He's my brother, Slade. I could never tie my shoelaces. You'd help me. You'd tie them for me. I remember that. You used to go on my nerves with songs. Always singing The Grand Old Duke of York. Miss Polly had a dolly. You used to come into my bed every morning. It didn't matter if it was a weekday or a weekend. You used to climb into my bed and then... the first thing that you'd do is you'd ask a question. "Why do elephants have big ears?" "Why do the volcanoes have lava?" They're good questions. You had an inquisitive mind. This is where we used to play. Yeah, this is our spot. Ours. Except... we didn't know about the lies we've been told. Didn't know the truth, did we? She lied to us. Mom made a mistake, Karl. And she's trying her best... to make it good again. Mom loved you. It's blown my world apart. I know. Nothing's what I thought it was. Jess... Karl... Let's deal with it. Let's deal with it and let's make it right again. Can we? You're my brother. And mom is still your mom. And dad... You've got no idea how much he loves you. His or not. We just want you home, you know? And all of us that were there that day, Danny, Pru, Slade. Our lives, they changed. You know, we weren't the same people. But finding you... knowing you're still alive... I remember school, I used to tell people I had a big brother. Then they'd say: "No, you haven't." But I'd say: "I have." "He's tough," "he's big. If you don't watch out, he'll come and get you." We just want you back. I've been waiting to take my brother home for 20 years. It's time to go home. Mom. Hello, son. - I'm sorry. - It's OK, it's OK. I love you, too. There's a mess there, isn't it? We're in a mess. We'll find a way. We'll find a way. Doesn't matter. English text by Myca87 Sync based on Sonia Eschbach's sub. He took him. He knew he was his and he took him. You know, mom never knew anything, did she? She never suspected anything. And he was alive. He's been alive the whole time, 50 fucking miles away. 50 fucking miles away, Danny! And he's been alive the whole fucking time! He's been alive the whole fucking time! He always comes, every day. Wait for him. Little Danny... a police officer now. I know what I did was wrong. And I'm ready to take the consequences. Such as Hell. But I want you to know this: he didn't suffer. There was some confusion. At the start, some sadness. He missed his family, of course he did. But after a while, things changed. He accepted me as his father. He was happy, Mark. He wasn't mistreated. He was happy. he had a good life. It's a shame the rest of us didn't. So what are you gonna do? How long they've given you? Weeks. I lost him, Danny. But I'm at his car. So I'll call you back. I thought I told you to smash the window? Yeah, Slade, I really don't feel comfortable smashing a car window with a brick in the middle of the street. But obviously, you do. Bit of a weird one. We trolled Karl's car. And we found something in the glove box. What is it? It's a library card. A library card? It's the library where Mark's mom works. I also found something else. Something else like what? Bullets. Lots of them. I don't understand what you're telling me. We need more information. Look, the person we've identified is almost certainly the person whose DNA we've found at the crime scenes. He's got a different name now, but yeah, there's a strong chance that it's him. Where is he? That's what we're trying to find out. He ran away. You've lost him? We're scared, that he... that he might do something stupid to himself or to somedody else. He's angry. What's that... He wouldn't hurt me. He wouldn't. We think he might have been here at the library whilst you were here. We found this in his car. I'd know him. If I'd seen him, if he'd been here, if my child was here, I'd know him. OK, look... Can you have a look and see what he might have taken out, what dates he may have been here? He was here yesterday. Borrowed one book. Gulliver's Travels. It's Jesse! I think I know where he might be. Could you run those through by any chance? Don't worry. There's only one exit here. Alright guys, spread out. Keep in contact. Hi, I'm Pru. A friend of Danny's. And admirer? It's just Karl. If we see him, - Previously on Gotham... - But you are my only true blood relative, Oswald. That vermin has to go. But how can we persuade him to go? How do you get rid of rats? Did he, did he drink that? - Yes! - Why? Why? He's not supposed to... No...! Awake at last. Well, hello dear. Someone call Professor Strange! We'll see about your clever little plan, Jim Gordon. I can make plans of my own. - Hello, Officer Pinkney. Can I come in? - Sure. Murder weapon was a crowbar. - Your fingerprints were on it. - I was set up! Being convicted for murder has its downsides. Good to see you, Harv. Don't give up hope. What the hell are you doing here? What's it look like we're doing? We're getting you out of here. Come on, let's go! I have to clear my name. To do that, I have to go back to Gotham. You little punks! Don't you take that bag! You have any idea who you're stealing from? Aah! Leave it! That's my money. Boo-hoo. You stole it. Now you got stole, chump. Oh-ho-ho, I catch you, you're dead! Both of you. By the way, you're a terrible crook. Letting two kids rob you. You really don't deserve this money. What the hell you doing, you little freak? ! What the hell are you doing? You're both dead! Nobody ever better touch my money! I'm not a thief. I don't steal for the money. This is research. I can't understand Gotham until I understand its criminals. Look, okay, this whole understanding criminals thing is getting on my nerves. That was your half you threw out! I saved enough for burgers. Gotham is on high alert today after former GCPD Detective and convicted murderer James Gordon escaped... Detective Bullock, have you heard the news? Yeah, Ed, I heard. So, what do you think he'll do? Knowing Jim Gordon, I'd say he's not gonna rest until he finds the son of a bitch who framed him for murder. "You can run, but you cannot hide..." Good luck with that. Bullock! This is your one and only chance. You tell me where he is. Hand to God, Cap. I have no idea. Oh, stop it. You're not smart enough to play dumb. We both know Jim did not kill Pinkney. I know that a court found him guilty. He wants to prove his own innocence, great. I hope he does. The public, the people of Gotham? The ones you and I serve? They have to know, they have to see that we're impartial, you understand? The people of Gotham can eat my socks. Hey! Hey! Nice try. Walk away in a huff? Now I know you know something. If you're providing aid and shelter to Jim Gordon, anything... a glass of water... I will bust you like a bum I never met. Cap, I wish I knew where he was. But I don't. Go. Ah. Everything okay? Yeah, let's get to work. I've been going over and over this a thousand times in my mind... it all has to be connected. The theft at the art museum, the bombing at the train station, the I.A. tip-off, Pinkney's murder... it's all a part of an elaborate frame. So he's smart, meticulous, got technical skill and access. An active cop? Has to be. Only way he could have access to a crowbar after it was put into evidence. That doesn't really narrow the suspect list too much. I mean, come on, Jim, be honest. You probably got 500 cops who have beef with you. Yeah, but enough to frame me for murder? Maybe ten. You got to admit you do have a little bit of a knack for, uh, making enemies. My number was 12. - Hmm. - Mainly Loeb loyalists. Who knows... maybe Loeb himself is behind this. Before you go down that rabbit hole, I got to say something to you as a friend, hmm? You can still run. Go to an island, buy a banana boat, grow a beard, find Lee, have a life. Look, I've been working this thing since you went away. And I'm not saying it's hopeless. But Barnes is on the hunt. You don't have much time. He threaten you? Hey, I'm the one who busted you out of jail, remember? I made my choice. All right, let's say I run. I find Lee, I somehow convince her to take me back. What then? I get her to live as a fugitive? I have to clear my name. Otherwise, I might as well be in jail. But how? Starting where? Dent once told me I.A. secretly records and archives all their incoming calls on tape. Which means the eyewitness who called into I.A.? The one they assumed was Pinkney? There could be a tape with - his voice on it. - Ooh. That's a hell of a long shot, brother. And if... okay, just saying if a tape like that exists, it's gonna be locked up tighter than a duck's ass in I.A. Evidence. That's why it's lucky for you Uncle Harvey has connections. Hey. Ginny. How's my favorite I.A. sugar plum, huh? Well, why do you think I'm calling, baby? Heard you were getting married. She changed her mind. Smart girl. Oh. Oh, you're an animal, Bullock, - you know that? - Oh, yes, ma'am. I do, I do. Come on, Bullock. Yeah, baby. I'll be right there. Hold on for me for a second! Hey. An hour. Slip 'em - under the door. - Come on, Bullock! - I ain't got all night! - Don't say a word. Mm. Daddy's comin'! Give me that. Whoa, what's up, sweetheart? What are you doin', huh? - Where you goin'? - No! Help! - Do it! Come on, do it! - Somebody help! - Do it! - Hey! Get out of here. Go! Ma'am, are you okay? - You're welcome. - Hands up or I'll blow your head off. GCPD. You're under... You're Jim Gordon. Listen to me... This is Barkley, over on Fifth and Spring. I got Jim... Don't kill me! I'm innocent, you hear me? All units, it's Jim freaking Gordon! I need backup now! Father, I only knew you a short time. But you came to me when I was alone in this cold, dark world. You gave me a family. I'll never forget you as long as I I... Oh, Father. What a bore that was. Yeah, but the house is ours now. - And we're rich. - Quiet. Oh. He loved us all so much. Indeed. But-but, Oswald, O-Oswald. Oswald... as painful as this is, we need to talk practicalities. Um, can I call you a cab or will you take the bus? I don't understand. Well, you're not returning to the house with us. But where shall I go? Anywhere but there. Oswald, I'm so happy that you and your father reconnected, but he left the house and the estate to me. And I'm-I'm simply not comfortable sleeping under the same roof as a notorious murderer. But I'm not like that anymore. I-I couldn't hurt a fly, even if I wanted to. Please, my father was all that I had! We shared the same blood, and-and he wanted us to be together. He told me. Let me stay. I'll do anything. You are his blood. We do need help - around the house. - Mother. Why waste good money on servants when we have Oswald? I'll do anything. You can start by getting rid of those disgusting flowers. I've always detested lilies. Yes. Of course. You're not really letting him stay. He's Elijah's only natural son. If he found the right lawyer, he could make things difficult. Especially if people look into how his father died. So we just live with him, then? No, we keep him close, and after a suitable amount of time goes by, poor Oswald, overcome with grief, will take his own life. Till then, we have a free servant. I can fire the maid. I... murdered my... parents. I cut their throats. Um... I joined a gang of psychopathic killers. I tried to kill Jim Gordon and Lee Thompkins. I was a puppet of these demons in my head and they were forcing me to do these terrible things. I wish I could go back and undo what I've done. Only I can't. I don't feel insane... now. I just... I feel sad. Thank you, Barbara. That was very brave. What do you suppose made this healthful change in you? Maybe I just... really needed some sleep. It's a good act. You're so sure it's an act, are you? Aren't you? I have no idea. One way or the other, she intrigues me. Well, if you would allow us to apply rigorous dream therapy, we would know, for sure. Oh, no, no, no. We do have a very useful hammer, Ms. Peabody, but not all of our patients are nails. Thank you. - What the hell happened last night? - Ah... Stumbled onto a mugging. And Jim Gordon couldn't just walk by. Where'd you sleep? I didn't. Just walked around. - How's Barnes? - He's on the warpath. Governor announced a $10,000 reward for anyone who helps catch you. $10,000? You should turn me in. If he doubled it to 20, I'd give it some thought. Okay, here. Internal Affairs. I... I want to report a crime. You recognize that voice? Sounds like it's been disguised. I saw Detective James Gordon shooting Mayor Theo Galavan on the south side docks. The Penguin was beating him with a bat, but it was Gordon that pulled the trigger. Was that a bird? Run it back. Nah. We gotta find somebody to clean up the tape. Isolate the sound, maybe do something to the voice. I gotta get going. Barnes is watching me like a hawk. All right. Hey. You've done more than any partner could ask. From now on, stay away from me. For your own sake. If Loeb is behind this, you don't want to be mixed up in it. What are you gonna do? I still have some friends I could ask for help. Where you going? Jim! Hi, Ed. Please... please, don't hurt me. Relax, I'm not gonna hurt you. I need your help. - My help? - I didn't kill Pinkney. - You have to believe me. - Yeah. Yeah, I do. I need to find the man who framed me. Whoever it was, he covered his tracks well. But I have something. A recording of his first call to I.A. I.A. secretly records everyone who calls in. They do? They're sneaky little buggers. Uh, and what did, what did you hear? If you don't mind my asking. Not much. He disguised his voice. But there are other sounds on the tape. I figure you work with audio. I was hoping you could help me. Jim... my friend... you've come to the right place. Please, have a seat. I will get my stuff and make some tea. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Well, let's pray Helga hasn't signed on anywhere new yet. - It's a family recipe. - Mmm, mmm. I'm sorry you don't like it. I'm sure my cooking will improve over time. Mmm. It's not that bad. Tomorrow, you need to go to the butcher. I'd like a nice roast for Sunday dinner. Not your... slut mother's goulash. A nice roast. Yes, ma'am. Oh, and clean up this mess tonight. I can't stand the sight of dirty dishes. Oops. Oops. Good shot, Charles. I must get to these dishes. But this-this has been delightful, really. Yes, it does sound like a bird. And he's doing his best to mask his voice. Too bad the quality's so poor. Ah, well, I'm afraid it's a dead end. We should at least clean the tape. Right. You need some more tea. So the person who killed Pinkney and framed you is the same person that attacked the art museum and planted the bomb in the train station. Amazing. And you don't have any leads? I think Loeb was behind it. Payback. He still has lackeys in the GCPD. Is that so? Everything points to a cop. Or someone who worked with the police, had access. You all right, Ed? Right as rain. Just thinking. Surely, you don't think that Loeb killed Pinkney himself? No. He had some psychopath do it for him. Psychopath seems a strong word. He bludgeoned a man to death with a crowbar in cold blood. He's sick. You say that, yet... you've killed lots of people, haven't you? That was in the line of duty. And a person who would kill in cold blood is a psychopath. See, I... I knew the rumors weren't true. What rumors? About you killing Galavan. You would never do that. That would make you like the people that you're hunting... sick... diseased. Thar she blows. Shut up, you're talking too much. Ed, did Penguin ever say anything about that night? Hmm? Did Penguin ever tell you anything about the night that Galavan died? No. Remember, I nipped that friendship in the bud. And you didn't talk to him in the GCPD, when Barnes brought him in? Yes. No. I... just to say hi. Oh, tape's finished. I'm going to give that a listen. Let's both listen. Swell idea. Internal Affairs. I... I want to report a crime. I saw Detective James Gordon shooting Mayor Theo Galavan on the south side docks. The Penguin was beating him with a bat, but it was Gordon that pulled the trigger. It's not a bird. It was mechanical. Without fingers I point, without arms I strike, without feet I run. What am I? You're a clock. Correct. I know it was you, Ed. Me? You. Guess what. I knew that you knew that I knew. That's why your chair was wired to the mains. ♪ Over the pavement and down the alley ♪ ♪ Oh, my, this wind is cold ♪ ♪ It bites my toes and nips my nose ♪ ♪ As over the ground we go. ♪ I hope you like the outdoors, Jimbo. I know just the spot. Come out, come out, wherever you are. I bet you're wondering... "Why would Ed do this to me?" "Set me up." "Ruin my life." I'll give you a hint, Jimbo. K.K. Kristen Kringle. Rats. Hey. Have you seen my jacket? It's freezing outside. Sorry. I was fixing the sleeve. You'd ripped it. You know how to sew? Alfred says it's an important skill for young bachelors. Okay. Mm. Thank you. You're welcome. What the... Detective Gordon? Bruce? What are you doing here? I could ask the same about you. I found the man who framed me. He.... I need a phon... Great, a dead cop in my crib now. Don't forget the cherries, Oswald. Oh, right. Cherries, cherries, cherries, cherries. Oswald. Oswald. My drink? I'm sorry, there's no cherries. No cherries? The next time I ask for cherries, there'd better be cherries. Yes, Grace... ma'am. Of course. Mother said to remind you of tomorrow's dinner. What's wrong with him? Who knows? Mother wants a roast. And make it good this time. Yes, I will. Still sleeping. Best thing for him. Thank you for coming when I called, Alfred. Course I came. No question. You're looking thin. I'm getting plenty to eat. That I very much doubt, Master Bruce. But there're things that we must discuss. - I'm not coming back. - I understand that, but... - Not yet. Alfred... - We need to talk. Good morning. Detective Gordon, should you be up? I'm fine. You stitched me up. Actually, it was Master Bruce. He called from Selina Kyle's when you passed out, so I thought, bring you here. Safest place for you. Master Bruce, I wonder if you might go and get the detective his clothes from the laundry room. Please. I'm glad you're okay. So I'll make you some breakfast. Take a seat. Like some coffee? Yes, please. There we go. How long has Bruce been living with Selina Kyle? Ever since the Matches Malone debacle. Turns out staring into the cold, dead eyes of the man that killed your parents doesn't bring the right amount of closure. Bruce never should've been in that room. I should've gotten to Malone first. Yes, you should have done. But you didn't, did you? Eh? You can't unfry an egg, as my dear old mum used to say. So why don't we leave Master Bruce's situation alone and why don't we discuss yours. Eh? It's a long story. Right, so you were framed for the murder of that other police officer. You escaped from prison, you then tracked down the man that framed you and you were promptly shot in the leg. Right, so, answer me this, Detective. Do you have any idea how you're gonna get out of this awful pickle? Yes, I do. Come, my dear. Your future awaits. You're sure? I run a hospital, not a prison. You're sane. It would be unethical and illegal to keep you confined. - What if I... - Hush, now. Life is full of uncertainty. And if something does happen, we're always here. Off you go. If you keep releasing lunatics so liberally, you're going to get a bad reputation. I'm not looking for a good reputation. We're releasing Barbara Kean into the wild to observe her behavior. - She's a beautiful experiment. - Mm. You know what she's going to do, don't you? I don't, actually. But I do know it will be interesting. Nygma was right about one thing. I can't just go to the cops. They'll never believe me. I need hard proof. Cops, right? Jerks. Nygma said he met Penguin for the first time in the woods. That's right around the same time his girlfriend went missing. I think he was burying her. Just like he was going to bury me. What, you want to find her body? Touch of the old needle in a haystack, innit? Nygma knows where she is. What, and you think he's gonna, what, straight tell you? That's exactly what he's gonna do. But I need help. Whatever we can do. Thanks. But I need someone Barnes knows will betray me. What? Who do I talk to about the reward for Jim Gordon? Hey. Psst. Come here, come here. - Um... Let go of me. - Come here, come here. I'm here for my reward. I'll give you a reward. Bullock! Have you seen Jim Gordon? Depends. There really ten grand? Depends on your information. He was at my place a couple hours ago. He'd been shot. Shot? Who shot him? Didn't say. He wasn't making a lot of sense. Is he still there now? No, he took off. I don't know where, but he was just looking for a place to lie low for a while, I guess. That's not worth $10,000. Fine. Before he left he said he'd found out where The Penguin was hiding, he was gonna go see him. Why would he go see The Penguin? I don't know. Something about - Penguin knows where the body's buried? - What bodies? - I don't know. - Where's The Penguin now? No one knows. You gonna pay me or what? Or what. Relax, relax. Maybe Gordon won't even find Penguin. You idiot. He's a detective. He finds people for a living! Penguin won't tell him. He's my friend. Oh, who am I kidding? You stupid... Stupid, stupid! Okay, okay. Okay, calculate, Ed, calculate. Chances of Gordon finding Penguin? Say 80%. Chances of Penguin telling Gordon? Also 80%. So it's a 60% chance of Gordon finding Kristen. That settles it. Hello, Kristin. I know, didn't expect to see me again, but... circumstances. Now, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to move you. Oh. Jim Gordon. So you did find Penguin. And that little bird sang. No, I just followed you. You fed information to that little miscreant, assuming that I'd hear. Or, no. No, no, no. Of course, you were in cahoots. Of course you were in cahoots. Well, either way, bravo, Jim. I'd clap, but I have your gun in my hand. How did this happen to you? How did you become this? You dummy. This is who I am. It was just finally admitting the truth to myself. Well, that and murdering some people. I don't believe that. You don't believe it. Why, Jim? 'Cause it would make you incompetent to know that I was right under your nose the whole time? Or you don't want to admit that there's a monster in all of us? Because you, of all people, should know that! That's what made it so easy to frame you! I was your friend. Were you, Jim? Were you my friend? Or did you just pity me? Oh, poor, weird little Ed with his little silly wordplay and his little riddles. - You're completely insane. - Yeah. It's probably easier for you to think that. How about one last riddle for old time's sake? A nightmare for some. For others, a savior, I come. My hands, cold and bleak, it's the warm hearts they seek. Death. Right again. Good-bye, Jim. Drop the gun. Drop it! Captain Barnes, I was... I... I'm arresting Jim. Stop it, Ed. We heard everything. Now drop the gun and get on your knees! No, this is... This... I... He's-he's... Last chance! Oh. Oh, crud. How is it? Not too gamey? Hmm. Overcooked. Oh. Try the other joint. It is much more tender. Hmm. It's the same. Hmm. Still, beats my slut mother's goulash, no? Where are the children? Ring the bell again. Hmm. I doubt they'll hear it. You look different. You noticed. Yes. I'm doing my hair a different way, so... Charles! Sasha! Where are they? I found the sherry decanter, Grace. The one with poison in it that you used to kill my father. What on earth are you talking about? You should have thrown it away! Guess you're a little too mean to waste good poison, huh? Don't go. Charles! Sasha! Help! - They won't come. - Where are they? You thought they tasted the same, but Sasha... Mmm. No. - No. No. - Definitely more tender. - No! - In my opinion. No. No! You said you were innocent, and you were. I'm glad. I guess I owe you an apology. No. You were doing your duty. Can't fault you for that. Yeah, well, I owe you one. Oh, not necessary, but I'll take it. Can you do me a favor and take it easy on Bullock? Thanks. So... when are you coming back to work? I'm not coming back. Not yet anyhow. No? There's something I have to do first. Lee Thompkins' number. She's working for an ME department down south. I promised Bruce Wayne I'd solve his parents' murder. I have to do that first. Then I'm free. The Wayne case is closed, Jim. The perp is dead. But who hired him? Why? I need to find out. Sometimes we never find out. That happens. I need you to give me the Wayne files. You take this, and I'll give you the Wayne files. Call her. I'll go get 'em. It was nothing that you did or didn't do, Alfred. Why I went away. I want you to know that. I do. Thank you very much. I'll be going back to the city as soon as Selina's ready. She's just taking a hot shower. Oh. You do know that Mr. Lucius Fox fixed your old man's computer a couple of days ago, don't you? And when were you going to tell me, Alfred? Well, I tried telling you this morning. I'm telling you again now, aren't I? Oh. What are you doing? She could walk in here. Have a word? - I trust her. - It's not about trust, is it? Whatever your father was doing, he did it in secret for a reason, to protect those he loved. Doesn't matter about my personal opinion about that young girl, but she has been a bloody good friend to you, and she's been loyal. So, you know, you go ahead, continue your father's work. I can't stop you, man. I've tried, haven't I? But I will not have you put that little girl's life in danger. It's either the work, or it's her. You can't have both, do you understand? Ugh! Man! Rich people have great water pressure. So, Jeeves, any chance we can get a ride back to the city? Right. Well, I'll be in the... in the kitchen, Master Bruce. Miss. What's with him? Bruce, what's going on? I'm not going back. What? I'm grateful for everything that you taught me. My place is here. So, that's it? Wow. - I don't expect you to understand. - Right. 'Cause you're Bruce Wayne and I'm street trash. - Selina, it's not like that. - Yeah, it is. It is. It's fine. Have a great life, Bruce Wayne. System enabled. Thompkins. Hello? Hello? Hi, Jim. [soft piano music plays] [Tom] I love being a stand-up comedian. It's the best job in the world. And I love being an L.A. comic. Bam! Alfred the assassin. As a comic, what you're supposed to do is live your life and report it. [woman] Anytime I do something nice for you, - you shit on me! - When is that? ! I love the whole process. [woman] You have a little dick. Writing. Performing. Figuring out how to make a joke work. It's the best. But most of all, I love meeting the people of this city. - They always inspire me. - [shouting] Hey! Tom Segura! Bite me in my ass, man! Aah! You have to do it! I love them. They have nothing but admiration for me. [speaks foreign language] Yeah, after work we can do whatever, man. [speaks foreign language] I just know there's no stopping us. Hey! Who this fat-ass nigger right here? What's up, fat boy? - 'Sup? - Making a food show, bitch? - No. - You should. Bam! 'Cause you fat as fuck! This fat motherfucker right here, man. - You got pancake titties. - You do! Fuck this city. I'm re-shooting this thing. Eat a dick, Paul Blart. This fat motherfucker, man. [man] Ladies and Gentlemen, Tom Segura! - [cheers and applause] - [up-tempo music playing] [music continues] [Tom] What up? Thank you! Thank you, guys. Thank you very much. It's great to be in Seattle. - [crowd roars] - Yes. One of my favorite places, and I am fucking falling apart. All right, um... I hate who I'm becoming, socially. Like, all my social interactions, I'm disintegrating into somebody I want to punch in the mouth. Like, I start weather chats with people all the time now, like, ugh. I got off the plane here, and the guy that picks me up at the airport, I was like, "It rains a lot here, huh?" [laughter] And I swear, there's another voice in my head going, "You're a piece of shit for this conversation." [laughter] What's the guy supposed to say? He's in the car and he's like, "Yeah..." [laughter] "...it does. And you're a real piece of shit for this, just so you know." I wanted to abort, I wanted to get out of it, but I couldn't. Like, "I'm from Southern California, we sure could use it." - [chuckles] - [laughter] And he was like, "I'll run us off the fucking road. I'll kill us both, I swear to God I will." God forbid I meet a tall person now, like... If you're over six-four, there's no way I'm not addressing it. I'm gonna be like, - "Wow, you're tall." - [laughter] "Do you like basketball? Yeah? Is that your thing? I have a friend that's tall." Dude, you just told a grown man you have a fucking friend that's tall. Like, what's next? "My dad's super strong? - I bet he's stronger than your dad." - [laughter] Ugh. It's better than my dad's actual small talk, which is awkwardly racial small talk. It's not racist, but it involves race. Um... Like, we're at a restaurant and, you know, the server walks up and she's Asian. - My dad will be like, "You Chinese?" - [laughter] And she's like, "No, I'm Korean." "Oh, I was in Vietnam." - And I'm like... - [laughter] "What are you doing?" "What? I was." "I know. What does that have to do with anything?" Then he goes, "Lot fewer of them when I left, if you know what I mean." - I'm like, "Oh, man." - [laughter] [whistles] Well... "Yeah, it was two Diet Cokes, we're gonna wrap it up pretty quick." Dude, if he meets a black guy, shut it the fuck down, okay? 'Cause, it's gonna get weird. Like... Dude, I see it. A black guy starts talking to us and my dad'll be like... [laughter] I can see it in his eyes, like a clock's ticking down. And I'm like, "How weird are you about to be with him?" He looks like a dog, when you show a dog a treat and you're like, "Sit still." And the dog's like... [laughter] "I work with a black guy!" - Ohh. Ohh. - [laughter] Oh, man. "Yeah, Carl. You know him? I don't know... Thought you knew each other. I don't know. I don't know him. He works in the building." You're like, "Fuck." Jesus. Speaking of dads, I'm gonna be a dad. Isn't that crazy? [crowd cheers] I know. Well... You know, not my fucking problem. You know what I mean? Um... - [laughter] - That's your kid. So... No, I'm gonna stick around. I wanna see what it looks and stuff. - [laughter] - Just for a second. But... So crazy, man. All I did was, I didn't pull out. - And then... - [laughter] Now I'm gonna be a dad. So nuts. Isn't that crazy? As a man, all you do is you dump inside of a girl and then... there's life? That's a pretty crude way of putting that. I'm sorry. But... that's what happens. Let's just talk about how good that feels. I... [laughter] Dude, I've been pulling out for years. And no comp... No orgasm... You don't have an org... and you're like, "Oh, that sucks." Like, it's still... It feels great. But when you leave it in? Dude. [laughter] Here's all I'm saying. If you're a pull-out guy, next time? Don't. [laughter] Even if she tells you to. Be like, "I forgot." [laughter] And she'll whine about it. [whines] "What if I'm pregnant? My career!" And you'll be like, "Is law school on hold? All right. Pretty sure you can cut hair with a gut." [mixed laughter] Guys! I'm joking. I'm joking. [laughter] - [crowd cheers] - Joke. - I'm not joking. But... - [laughter] God, it feels so good! I can't even... I can't even describe how much better it feels. The best I've come up with is, remember when you were a kid, and the first time you tried something with melted cheese, - and you were like, "What the fuck?" - [laughter] "This is the same thing?" And they're like, "Same shit." And you're like, "This is amazing! I can have this whenever I want?" "Mm-hm. Whenever you want. Just eight, ten seconds and it's your world, man." You're like, "Oh, my God!" - It's like that, but down here. - [laughter] Feels so good. Ohh. Here's what a piece of shit I am. I... I have been fantasizing a lot about people asking me how I lost the weight that I haven't lost yet. [laughter] And, like, I just have so many answers. Like, I really enjoy doing... In my head, I'm like, "Dude, it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle." [laughter] "Just gotta make smarter choices, man. I mean, drink more water. Look at me, I've never felt better. I have so much energy. If I can do it, you can do it." And then I eat chocolate soufflé, as I have... - [imitates chewing sounds] - [laughter] Like, "Well, next year I'll probably be ready for this conversation." Fucking asshole. I don't even want to, like, lose weight to live long or be healthy. I don't. I just want to be able to make fun of fat people again. [laughter] And know for sure that they're fatter than me. 'Cause, like, sometimes... Now I'm like anybody, I'll be like, "Look at this fat fucking asshole." And someone'll be like, "You're fatter." And I'm like, "Oh. Really?" And they're like, "By a lot!" [laughter] "You should want his body." And I'm like, "Ah, fuck, man." Since I'm gonna have a kid, I don't want to be the fat dad. Remember when we were in elementary school, in like fifth grade? You're like, "Hey, look at Billy's fat fuckin' dad." [laughter] [chortles] "Fuckin'..." "Just fuckin' batter him up tonight and eat him, huh, Billy's dad?" Just don't want to be that guy. I got a trainer. They gave me a trainer. That's a better way of saying that. I joined a gym, and they go, "Do you want a free training session?" I was like, "Okay. What does it normally cost?" And they're like, "Like $900." I was like, "Wow, that's a great deal. That's awesome." [crowd chuckles] The first session is a bait session. It's ridiculous. The guy's like, "Stand up." Like, "Okay." He's like, "Wow, you're a very powerful athlete." [laughter] "Were you pro before?" I'm like, "Okay, yes. I think I was." He goes, "You look like it. Your muscle fibers look really great." I'm like... He's like, "Want to do this all the time?" I'm like, "Yeah. Absolutely. This is a good boost for me. I like this a lot." Second session, way different than the first session. Second session, I'm doing burpies. Like, you jump on the ground then you jump onto a wooden block. I'm running through sand pushing a sled. "And I go, is this SEAL school? What are we doing right now?" [laughter] In the middle of this workout, my trainer goes "Stop!" And I said, "Thank you." [laughter] He goes, "Know why I told you to stop?" And I go, "Yeah, so you don't have to give me CPR, I think." [laughter] And he goes, "No. The Holy Spirit." "What?" [laughter] And he goes, "The Holy Spirit told me to tell you to stop." And I go... "What... did I sign up for? What the fuck is this?" And he goes, "Do you believe in Jesus Christ?" And I said, "Is He gonna make me do push-ups?" [laughter] And that right there, he got really mad at that. Like... really upset. He was like, "It's not all jokes!" "I said one thing. I can't say one thing? All right." And he tells me to take the big plate, the 45-pound plate. "Hold it over your head and run down to the pier and back." And the pier's, like, three-quarters of a mile. And I go, "Nope." [laughter] "Not doing that." Nobody knows she's here? Let's keep it that way. What is the precedent on this? If it is Ivy Moxam, well... There's no precedent to follow. There's never been a case of an escaped captive in the UK. Plenty enough bones, just nothing living or breathing. Don't worry, it's just to record what happens in here. And these four cameras... they do the same. We call this an ABE interview. My family, I want to see them. Of course you do. Of course you do, and we'll sort that. Let's just get this out of the way first, OK? I'm Detective Sergeant Lisa Merchant, warrant number 478, attached to Bristol's Specialist Crime Department. I'm here with... Detective Inspector Elliott Carne, warrant number 312. We're here to interview a female who alleges she's been a missing person for the last 13 years. Can you please state your name? "Alleges"? We have to prove you are who you say you are, I'm afraid. Can you please state your name? Ivy Moxam. Date of birth? 3rd February, 1990. And what date were you abducted? Ah, I'm rubbish with dates. Don't worry. What about where you were held? Where was it? If you could verbalise it, that would be great. I don't know. A house. What kind of a house? How many rooms? I only saw one. And which one was that, Ivy? The cellar. And how were you kept down there? Chained up. Were you ever allowed out? So, this time... How did you get out this time? He didn't do the lock up. "He" being...? Leonard. Your kidnapper? And his surname? What did he look like? What kind of a build did he have? Let's take a short break there. Give you a chance to get your thoughts together. Does that sound good? I am Ivy Moxam. You believe me, don't you? Interview paused at 9.24am. The bastard Chronicle know. Tipped off by some... Do we move her? Whoever ratted on us only gave the basics -- "Ivy Moxam alive". The press will be headed straight to the Moxam home. It's better they hear it from us. There's just two guesthouses left with rooms, so where are people going to sleep? Is just a niggle, darling. "Come to our wedding. "Bring your wet weather gear for the inevitable June rain "and, oh, I hope you don't mind bunking up with another couple!" You've got liberal friends, haven't you? Very funny, Mum! - I may just have a solution. - Which is? I'll get my dad to ask around. All we need is a couple of big gardens, pitch a few tents and what do we have? I guess, in some circles, it would be called a solution. Always with the perspective. I was hoping it was my rugged good looks that lured you down the aisle but I'll take that. Hello. Speaking. Yes. Mum, what is? They said that there's a girl. It could be Ivy. More than. It's your wife. Christina, now is not a good... Yes. Yes, yes. I'm coming. The police have found someone. Ivy. They think... They... They say... Maybe. It won't be her. Angus, listen to me. You have to go. Whatever happens, I'm here. I promise. It's OK. It's OK... It's OK. We'll wait for the DNA, just to be on the safe side. This is my daughter. Of course, Mrs Moxam. All we want is to find her kidnapper as soon as possible. We have to ask your daughter more questions, I'm afraid. Right now? Yeah. I'm afraid so. Then I'm staying with her. It's OK. I can do it. I can. Mum... The next stage is then... Do you know what happened? The next stage is...? Yes? When this part of the interview is done with, Ivy will see a female doctor for tests. What kind of tests? Could you just let the girl speak? ! Sorry. Details of the force's wider support team, for you, as a family. Psychiatrists, psychotherapists. No need, thank you. Besides the shock... This shock you're in right now, they're there to help with Ivy's readjustment. Maintain a routine as clockwork. Any sudden changes could set the vic... Could set Ivy back. I know. I've read and reread in case. So, I know. Could we have a minute, please? You need to come home, Angus. Everything has to be exactly as it was for Ivy. Us, we're her parents. We can't take that away from her. So, your 999 call. How long from escaping the house to making it? I don't know. Two minutes fair? Five? OK, good. Good. We'll say five. Which is good, because that narrows it down. And not all this is residential, see? So, we're much closer. You're doing great. Now, what was the house like? Was it on its own? Part of a terrace? Terrace? Good. OK. Any distinguishing marks? The door was red. Was there anything else about the front of the house? Was there a gate? Green. Is that the one, Ivy? Just give me a nod if it is. Request firearms. Location found. Bastard's bleached the place. Used his advantage, didn't he? There's nothing left. So, he comes back, sees Ivy's gone, loses his shit then runs. He's got three hours on us. No sighting of kidnapper at address. He's still at large. We'll park up in the relative's room. I've had the boys in the canteen sort you something to eat. I thought you might like this. I can't imagine it's much fun being in that suit. Like a present? Mrs Moxam! How does does it feel...? The Moxams... '.. are yet to confirm reports that their daughter, Ivy, 'snatched as a 13-year-old in 2003, has been found alive. 'The original investigation 'into the Sunbridge High pupil's disappearance 'was the largest in Bristol's history, 'and although several arrests followed, 'no-one was ever convicted of the abduction.' 'If the reports are true, then Ivy Moxam will now be 'a 26-year-old woman, 'having to face the loss of 13 years of her life.' I'll be upstairs if you need me. Hm. I don't know what to say. It's been a while, Craig. It's good to see you. I'm sorry, Em. I couldn't just ignore him. He is your dad. It's not Ivy. That girl... She's not my big sister. Can I give you a hand? I can manage. You should get back, pack, have the necessarily conversation with your... your bit. Ivy'll be here soon. I'll be back before then. Promise. You should eat. I'm fine. It's for you. There's no fish though. You should eat two portions of fish a week, one oily, the baby needs it. How do you know that, Ivy? I read it in a book he gave me. And did he ever give you fish? Only until I didn't... I didn't need it. The fish was the nicest. It tasted of something more than usual. What was the usual? Tinned food. I ate from the can. No spoon. We had to earn the right to a spoon. I never did. Did he... ever give you... anything? So, what did you do all day? There was no light so I didn't know if it was day or night. How did you keep track, then? I didn't. Time was just when he wasn't there and he was. Traces of blood. Could be the usual kitchen injury. Could be... Sick fuck. Sick, clever fuck. Five different credit cards, five different names. Not one of them are Leonard. Run these IDs -- wheres, whens -- see if we can get a paper trail leading to the real man. Sure. That's a passport photo. So, she was allowed out. We... got a little something for you both. Ivy's size. Give or take. What are her clothes doing in his room? There's more. We're getting it tested. It's a long, brown hair. Looks like your little girl's... Yep. Thanks. Got it, Jim. Doesn't mean that Ivy slept here. How do you even know she did? We can't know the circumstances. If it was consensual, or less than. Poor girl. Elliot. She came in a girl. She's a woman now. I know you were only little, but what do you think? Does it look the same? I want everything to be just right for Ivy. Look at you, Emma. All that puppy fat. Rows of it. Oh, darling. Your dad's only joking. It's not that. Mum, I'm sorry. But that girl, it... It isn't her. It isn't Ivy. How can you say...? You were only 11 years old, Emma. It is totally, totally understandable that you would have a different idea of Ivy in your head. Hello. When are you bringing her home? Thank you. The DNA's come back as Ivy's. We found some items of yours up in his room suggesting you were allowed out of the cellar. We'd come to understand from you that this wasn't the case. It's easy to get things mixed up. I do it all the time. Did you ever leave the cellar? And did you also leave the house? There was a passport photo of you. Was he planning on taking you away? But he did take you out and about? Just once. Do you want to talk us through what happened? Where did you go? I don't know, there... There were people everywhere. Did you try to communicate your situation to any of these people? You're thinking I should've told someone. Run. That it was my fault. No-one's thinking that. Can I go home now? I'm afraid we've a lot more to ask. Why can't you do that at my house? In here, we can keep an eye on you. Make sure you've got everything you need. I need my mum. There is the option of a safe house for you and your family. No. I... I just want to go home. Ivy, you have to understand, your safety is the most important thing to us. I'd be safest there. Preparations would have to be made to your house. Security measures. But I could go back? Yes. Yes, you could. We'll finish our questions here, let them get everything sorted the other end, and then we'll go. OK? Thanks. The day you were taken you were meant to be at school, but you weren't. Why was that? I was going to meet El. El? Eloise. My best friend. There he is! Press are after a comment. I put something together for you. All thoughts and wishes are with the Moxam family at this time. Better pupil than Ivy you couldn't have hoped for. That sort of thing. She should have been in school. That day she was taken, she should have been here, under our care. Look, if you can keep people at bay, I'll try and work out what we're going to do. It's been years, Tim. Have you spoken to Christina yet? 'No.' I didn't know what to say. 'Still a pussy, then? ' Still a bitch? Always. I'll call her. Who was that? Eloise. She's back. I'll call you in a couple of days, Eloise. Bye. Bye. I love you so much. Have you found him? I'm afraid not. Not yet. Is there a chance he could come here? There is a system in place to protect Ivy. Your home's monitored by the cameras and she has an around-the-clock police detail. What about you, DI Carne? We'll be out finding your kidnapper, Ivy. This first night, if it reassures you, I'll keep an eye out. What's the plan for arresting him? We're looking at all the Colbridge Road home owners. A picture will emerge of this man and once we... Can we have some time alone with our daughter now? I'm afraid Alia will be stationed here until the situation's calmed down. I'm trained in melting into the background and when you need me... We'll be back tomorrow to talk some more. If that's OK, Ivy? Hiya. I missed you. Pride of place. Year Four, you made that, remember? Of course you do. Sorry. I'm... Well, I'm getting married. Would you like to... I know he'd love to meet you. Craig! He's really a lovely man. Ivy, hi. I'm Craig. Craig lives with us now. And very glad of it, I am. Good to have a man about the house. You know what your dad's idea of DIY is, dusting off the Yellow Pages! Sorry to intrude on this. No, it's my fault. Sorry, Ivy. Ivy! Can you do something about that? Uniform will keep them back as much as possible. It's not ideal. I know. Sorry about that, darling. You must be hungry. Can I get you a snack? Something to drink? Give her a chance, Chris. Sorry. I'm... sorry. Everyone stop saying sorry. Is my room still...? It's just how I remember it. 'No joy so far. No-one seems to have known the guy. 'He kept odd hours, never said a word to anyone.' What about home security cameras? Mm-mm. It's a safe little place. Well, that's what they thought until a few hours ago. 'Are you OK over there? ' We have to find him. His cards are being run. Where he spends, we pull out the CCTV. 'We'll get there. Breakthrough. All that jazz.' How about when our turn's over we see off the longest day with a drink? Tempting though it is, I can't. I promised Ivy. I'll try not to take it personally. 'Don't.' In fact, let's rain check for Friday. And I'll even lob you in a feed round mine. 'If you promise not to judge the state of my flat.' I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't really... 'Talk? No? 'I can't wait. You can't lie yourself 'into loving her again, Angus, 'into everything being how it was.' I'm sorry, but I... 'I love you, and I know you love me.' Sorry. Will we be expecting many more of these late-night calls? Please. I don't want to fight with you. Ivy... she won't let me near her. We just need to give her some time. I'll run the iron over this. 'You were meant to be at school but you weren't. Why was that? 'I was going to meet El. 'El? 'Eloise. My best friend. 'She wanted to go to the Stokes Croft Arcade. 'You were last seen on Docton Lane at 9.08. 'That's quite a way from the arcade. 'El was late so... '.. I started to walk towards her house. 'Down the back streets? Mm. 'I had my MiniDisc on. 'Mum always told me off for how loud I had it. 'What happened next, Ivy? 'A hand... '.. over my... '.. and my neck. 'Dragged back. 'I got shoved in a van. 'Hit something sharp. 'And then nothing. 'And when I awoke... '.. it was dark and... '.. and I was there.' We have a face! Wake up, slowpoke. 'Charming! And for the record, I was awake.' We've got him. Forecourt footage from a garage. He used one of his stolen IDs to tab up. The PNC's giving us a name. Mark White. We need Ivy to confirm. Is this him, Ivy? What happens now? We circulate the image city-wide. You'll get him? It's a significant step forward. Will you do my make-up? Craig, do you mind? So, what are we going for? You choose. Is this all yours? It's not much. So, what's the occasion? I want to look nice. Who for? It's been, um... Ivy told you I was coming, right? Tim. Come upstairs. Oh, I don't know if that's a good idea. It's OK, Mum. I'm 26. You look... How are you? That's a stupid question. Bored of talking about me. I want to know how you are. And I want to know how you are. Snap! And, as the oldest by 15 days, I win. How's El and... and the rest of the gang? Did Holl manage not to get kicked out of school? Sorry. Too fast. Pick a question. Holl made it. She works in Debenhams now. I never see her though. Can I bring you up some drinks? We're fine. Thanks, Mum. How's your mum? Dad? Sisters? Fine. That's good. I liked them. Did they like me? I know I could be... They liked... like you. All of them said to send you their love, say that you're in their prayers. So, what's changed? Much? Nothing? Anything? Can I go for somewhere in between? Ivy, we need to resume our interview. I've got my friend here. So I see, but it's important. Sure, no worries. I'll be down when I'm ready. I should go. Not yet, please. Do you still skate? I could watch you for hours. I'm practically an old man now. I've got dodgy knees. I'm not sure I'd even know how any more. I wouldn't say old. Older, maybe, but everyone is. I'm so... I can't... You're back! Back in a min. We know who he is, we just have to validate... Ivy? Ivy! IVY! I'll find her. I'll find her. We'll bring her back. Ivy! I thought you'd be here. Are you OK? Ivy, tell me that you're OK, please. I'm here now. You're safe. Christina. I've found her. No, she's fine. I'll bring her back. 'Ivy's been found.' 'See you back here soon.' OK. One moment, Mrs Moxam. They're being escorted in now. She never leaves our sight again. We can't be with her every minute. Just watch me. Chris, I just don't think that we can wrap her up in some sort of bubble. We haven't even told her about our time apart. No sudden shocks. And "time apart" is a funny way to describe shagging your PA. Please! She'll be in in a sec. None of us, none of us have even the tiniest idea what she's been through, what it's been like. Because you won't let us ask. You just want to ram your fingers in your ears, block it all out. - It's not going to go away, Chris. Things happened to her... - SHUT UP! We were worried. Beyond worried. Don't listen to your dad. We're just... just glad you're OK. Where were you? The courtyard off Broadmead. We used to go there after school. Why would you risk going outside? Where are you go...? Of course, you must be exhausted. I'll bring you up some cocoa if you like and we'll keep it quiet down here so you can get some sleep... Can't have her out wandering the streets when... When her kidnapper's out there. Why, when Ivy knows this, did she CHOOSE to leave the house? It doesn't make any sense. It was hardly a calculated decision. What are you suggesting, DS Merchant? I don't know. The delays in her intel, the inconsistencies, the lack of a decent description of her attacker... It could all speak to Stockholm Syndrome. You don't agree, DI Carne? I think it's been a long two days. Detail is what's missing from your account so far. We want to work back from the months after you were first snatched to the end of year one. Is that OK with you? For this to be of any use to us, we're going to need you to communicate as much as possible. Can I get anyone tea? Coffee? Maybe just some water, then. I'll give you a hand, Mrs Moxam. You're not in trouble for running off, if that's what you think, Ivy. It's just you worried a lot of people. This kidnapper, he could be anywhere. OK? OK, DI Carne. Elliott. You should... Elliot's my name. I know it must be hard to put your trust in people. I trust you Elliott. Good. I... I'm glad. I'm not very good with these, with this sort of thing, but I, um... You've been through a lot. More than any girl should have to. But you need to give yourself a chance to start living again. Everything was on pause, but now... now... Well, now, it's not. No. It's not. You're right. If you ever need to talk... She's so changeable. I can't get a handle, a fix on it... Her. Whatever happened in that house it doesn't change the fact that Ivy's been damaged. Possibly beyond repair. I feel for her. I do. But we have to be careful around her. YOU have to be careful around her. She's getting attached. Who's buying, then? Polish lad, Aron Bazan, recognised White from the picture from 11 years back, give or take a few. He worked with him. Regular employment, regular pay cheque. Where? Now, this is gold. Mr Stone, we'd like you to come to the station to ask you a few questions regarding Ivy Moxam. Sorry, why? Information has come to light that puts the kidnapper here as a former member of staff. What? You've got it wrong! As headmaster of the school, Mr Stone is responsible for all employees. Whatever you're starting to say, save it. It's hard to believe you. You can see that, can't you? It's hard to believe that you've no recollection of a man who was on the payroll of your school. Look, there's hundreds of staff. And that's just now. Let alone going back that far. Back to... Back to when a 13-year-old, who was meant to be in class at your school, back to when she was TAKEN by a member of YOUR staff. We've a long night of this ahead. Anyone you'd like to call? Um, thank you. Yeah, um... Hasn't stopped. It's no-one's business but ours. ... Hello. 'It's Henry. 'Henry Stone.' Who is it? Can I have some peace, please? Why are you calling here? 'What you'll hear about me - - I swear I didn't know. 'I'd never do that to you.' What are you talking about? 'The man who took Ivy, 'the police are saying he worked at the school when... 'and after...' "Tim. "Ivy here. Hi. "We used to write letters to each other all the time, so... "Hello. "Me again. "13 years on, it's... it's a long time. "Yesterday when I saw you I thought maybe too long. "That I couldn't expect anyone to have waited, but you'd waited. "Now, it's up to me to press play. Start living. "So we can be like we were. "Everything else has changed. "Not us." This looks... Where's Alia and the others? I told them we needed one night. Smells good, Christina. It really does, Mum. It's your favourite, Ivy... Shit! Here, run it under the tap. I'm fine. There's no need to fuss. Would you do the honours and serve? Eat up, love, before it gets cold. Save some space if you can. There's crumble for afters. Oh, and I dug out Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. I thought we could watch it. It's really delicious, Mum. Sorry, Mum. You've nothing to be sorry for. One night! Do you want me to get it? We're having a family dinner, like a normal family. I'll get rid of them. I'm sorry, Ivy, love. We need Ivy to come in. He's taken another girl. Is this all for the little girl? I thought it was just bad luck, him taking me. If he was at my school, it can't have been, can it? Maybe he plans to hole up, recreate what he had with Ivy. This girl that's been taken. I'm sorry. What is it? Just watch it. She's lying to us. Making a fool of you. ♪ Don't say nothing ♪ No ♪ I can see when you're lying Oh ♪ When you're alone You're so alone ♪ When you're alone You're so alone... ♪ (BIRDS CHIRPING) (PANTING) -(TYRES SCREECHING) -(CAR HONKING) Ivy Moxam. I'm Ivy Moxam. I was taken 13 years ago. I've just escaped. Please help me. # Kiss your face # Turn your cheek # Lay your head down Lay your head down POLICE OPERATOR: GO ahead, 5-7-9- 7. Pick-up of white female, mate. She's still claiming to be missing person Ivy Moxam. (POLICE RADIO CHATTER, INDISTINCT) Hello, Ivy. I'm Alia. I work for the Avon and Somerset Constabulary. I'm going to be your family liaison officer. Does that sound okay? I'll take it from here, thanks. Let's get you up. Keep it open, please? When the detectives arrive, they'll have to shut it, just for privacy. But we're okay now. Spot the difference. - People change, grow into their looks. - Yeah, you're a regular swan. I'm going to ignore your sarcastic tone and label that as a compliment. Last you'll get from me. The year after Ivy was snatched, two girls came forward claiming to be her. Neither checked out. To pretend to be her after this much time? To be that cruel to her family? I don't know. Humans are shit, granted, but are they that shit? Thanks for asking for us, sir. Nobody knows she's here. Best keep it that way. What's the precedent on this? If it is Ivy Moxam, well, there's no precedent to follow. There's never been a case of an escaped captive in the UK. Plenty enough bones, just nothing living or breathing. Don't worry, it's just to record what happens in here. And these four cameras, they do the same. We call this an ABE interview. My family, I want to see them. Of course you do. Of course you do and we'll sort that, let's just... get this out of the way first. Okay? I am Detective Sergeant Lisa Merchant, warrant number 478, attached to Bristol's Specialist Crime Department. I'm here with... Detective Inspector Elliott Carne, warrant number 312. We're here to interview a female who alleges she's been a missing persons for the last 13 years. Can you please state your name? Alleges? We have to prove you are who you say you are, I'm afraid. Can you please state your name? Ivy Moxam. Date of birth? 3rd of February, 1990. And what date were you abducted? Oh, I'm rubbish with dates. Don't worry. What about where you were held? Where was it? If you could verbalise it, that would be great. I don't know. A house. What kind of a house? How many rooms? I only saw one. - And which one was that, Ivy? - The cellar. And how were you kept down there? Chained up. Were you ever allowed out? So this time, how did... How did you get out this time? He didn't do the lock up. - He being... - Leonard. Your kidnapper? And his surname? What did he look like? What kind of a build did he have? Let's... Let's take a short break there. Give you a chance to get your thoughts together, does that sound good? I am Ivy Moxam. You believe me, don't you? (KNOCKING) Interview paused at 9:24 a.m. The bastard Chronicle know. Upped o" by some... Do we move her? Whoever ratted on us only gave the basics, "Ivy Moxam alive". The press will be headed straight to the Moxam home. It's better they hear it from us. EMMA: That's just two guesthouses left with rooms. So where are people going to sleep? CHRISTINA: It's just a niggle, darling. EMMA: "Come to our wedding. "Bring your wet weather gear for the inevitable June rain "and, oh, I hope you don't mind bunking up with another couple." You've got liberal friends, haven't you? Very funny, Mum. I may just have a solution. - BOTH: Which is? - I'll get my Dad to ask around. All we need's a couple of big gardens, pitch a few tents and what do we have? I guess in some circles, it would be called a solution. - Always with the perspective. -(PHONE RINGING) I was hoping it was my rugged good Looks Luring you down the aisle but I'll take that. Hello? Speaking. Yes. Mum, what is it? He said that there's a girl. It could be Ivy. - (MOBILE VIBRATING) -(BOTH GROANING) Mood killer. More than. It's your wife. Christina, now is not a good... Yes. Yes, yes, I'm coming. The police have found someone. WY' They think, they... They say... Maybe. It won't be her. Angus? Listen to me. You have to go. Whatever happens, I'll be here, I promise. (SOBBING) MRS MOXAM: (WHISPERING) It's all right. It's okay. It's all right. It's all right. It's okay. (MRS MOXAM SOBBING) We'll wait for the DNA, just to be on the safe side. - This is my daughter. - Of course, Mrs Moxam. All we want is to find her kidnapper as soon as possible. We have to ask your daughter more questions, I'm afraid. Right now? - Yeah, I'm afraid so. -Well, then, I'm staying with her. It's okay. I can do it. I can. Mum. (SOBBING) - Next stages, then... - Do you know what happened? Next stages. Yes? When this part of the interview is done with, Ivy will see a female doctor for tests. -What kind of tests? - Could you just let the girl speak? Sorry. Details of the force's wider support team. For you as a family. - Psychiatrists, psychotherapists. - No need, thank you. Besides the shock, this shock you're in right now, they're there to help with Ivy's re-adjustment. "Maintain a routine as clockwork, "any sudden changes could set the vic..." Could set Ivy back. I know. I've read, re-read in case, so, I know. Can we have a minute, please? (LISA CLEARS THROAT) You need to come home, Angus. Everything has to be exactly as it was, for Ivy. Us, we're her parents, we can't take that away from her. So your 999 call? How long from escaping the house to making it? I don't know. Two minutes fair? Five? Okay, good, good. We'll say five, which is good because it narrows it down. And not all this is residential, see? So we're much closer. You're doing great. Now, what was the house like? Was it on its own? Part of a terrace? Terrace, good. Okay. Any distinguishing marks? The door was red. Was there anything else about the front of the house? - Was there a gate? - Green. Is that the one, Ivy? Just give me a nod if it is. Request Firearms. Location found. OFFICER: Police! Armed police! (OFFICERS SHOUTING, INDISTINCT) (SNIFFING) Bastard's bleached the place. Used his advantage, didn't he? There's nothing left. So he comes back, sees Ivy's gone, loses his shit, then runs. He's got three hours on us. No sighting of kidnapper at address. He's still at large. We'll park up in the relatives' room. I've had the boys in the canteen sort you something to eat. I thought you might like this. I can't imagine it's much fun being in that suit. Like a present? (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) (REPORTERS CHATTERING, INDISTINCT) Here we go. FEMALE REPORTER: Mrs Moxam? Mrs Moxam? (REPORTERS CLAMOURING) Keep back, please. Keep back. CORBIN: (ON TV) The Moxams are yet to confirm reports that their daughter Ivy, snatched as a 13-year-old in 2003, has been found alive. The original investigation into the Sunbridge High pupil's disappearance was the largest in Bristol's history and although several arrests followed, no one was ever convicted of the abduction. (MOBILE VIBRATING) It the reports are true, then Ivy Moxam will now be a 26-year-old woman having to face the loss of 13 years of her life. I'll be upstairs if you need me. I don't know what to say. - It's been a while, Craig. - It's good to see you. I'm sorry, Em, I couldn't just ignore him. He is your dad. It's not Ivy. That girl, she's not my big sister. - Can I give you a hand? - I can manage. You should get back. Pack. Have the necessary conversation with your... Your bit. - Ivy'll be here soon. - I'll be back before then. Promise. - You should eat. - I'm fine, it's for you. There's no fish, though. You should eat two portions of fish a week, one oily. The baby needs it. How do you know that, Ivy? I read it in a book he gave me. And... did he ever give you fish? Only until I didn't... I didn't need it. The fish was the nicest. It tasted of something. More than usual. - What was the usual? - Tinned food. I ate from the can. No spoon. "You have to earn the right to a spoon." I never did. Did he ever give you... anything? So what did you do all day? IVY: There was no light, so 1 didn't know if it was day or night. ALIA: How did you keep track, then? IVY: I didn't. Time was just when he wasn't there and when he was. SOCO: Traces of blood. Could be the usual kitchen injury, could be... - Sick fuck. - Sick, clever fuck. Five different credit cards, five different names. Not one of them a Leonard. Run these IDs, wheres, whens, see if we can get a paper trail leading to the real man. MAN: Sure. That's a passport photo. So she was allowed out. We, uh, got a little something for you both. Ivy's size, give or take. - What are her clothes doing in his room? - There's more. We're getting it tested. It's a long brown hair. - Looks like your little girl's. - Yep. Thanks. Got it, Jim. Doesn't mean that Ivy slept here. And even if she did, we can't know the circumstances. - If it was consensual or less than... - Poor girl. Elliott. She came in a girl. She's a woman now. I know you were only little, but what do you think? Does it look the same? I want everything to be just right for Ivy. Look at you, Emma. All that puppy fat. Rolls of it. Oh, darling, your dad's only joking. It's not that. Mum, I'm sorry. But that girl, it... It isn't her. It isn't Ivy. - How can you say that... - You were only 11 years old, Emma. It is totally, totally understandable that you would have a different idea of Ivy in your head. (PHONE RINGING) Hello? When are you bringing her home? Thank you. The DNA has come back as Ivy's. We found some items of yours up in his room suggesting that you were allowed out of the cellar. We'd come to understand from you that this wasn't the case. It's easy to get things mixed up. I do it all the time. Did you ever leave the cellar? And did you also leave the house? There was a passport photo of you. Was he planning on taking you away? But he did take you out and about? Just once. Do you want to talk us through what happened? Where did you go? I don't know. There were people everywhere. Did you try to communicate your situation to any of these people? You're thinking I should have told someone. Run. - That it was my fault. - No one's thinking that. - Can I go home now? - I'm afraid we've a lot more to ask. Why can't you do that at my house? In here, we can keep an eye on you, make sure you've got everything you need. I need my mum. There is the option of a safe house. - For you and your family. - No. I... I just want to go home. Ivy, you have to understand that your safety is the most important thing to us. I'd be safest there. Preparations would have to be made to your house. Security measures. But I could go back? Yes. Yes, you could. We'll finish our questions here, let them get everything sorted the other end and then we'll go. Okay? Thanks. LISA: The day you were taken, you were meant to be at school but you weren't. Why was that? IVY: I was going to meet El. -El? -IVY: Eloise. My best friend. (REPORTERS CLAMOURING) The press are after a comment. I've put something together for you. All thoughts and wishes are with the Moxam family at this time, a better pupil than Ivy you couldn't have hoped for. That sort of thing. She should have been in school. That day she was taken, she should have been here, under our care. Urn, look, if you can keep people at bay, I'll try and work out what we're going to do. It's been years, Tim. - Have you spoken to Christina yet? - TIM: No. - I didn't know what to say. - Still a pussy, then? Still a bitch? Always. I'll call her. -Who was that? - Eloise. She's back. I'll call you in a couple of days, Eloise. Bye, bye. I love you so much. - Have you found him? - I'm afraid not. Not yet. Is there a chance he could come here? There is a system in place to protect Ivy. Your home's monitored by the cameras and she has an around-the-clock police detail. What about you, DI Carne? We'll be out finding your kidnapper, Ivy. This first night, if it reassures you, I'll keep an eye out. What's the plan for arresting him? We're looking at all the Colbridge Road homeowners. A picture will emerge of this man. And once we have that... Can we have some time alone with our daughter now? I'm afraid Alia will be stationed here until the situation's calmed down. I'm trained in melding into the background. And when you need me... All right, we'll be back tomorrow to talk some more if that's okay, Ivy? I, uh... I missed you. Pride of place. Year 4 you made that, remember? Course you do. Sorry. I'm... Well, I'm getting married. Would you like to... I know he'd love to meet you. Craig? He's really a lovely man. Ivy. Hi, I'm Craig. - Craig lives with us now. - And very glad of it I am. Good to have a man about the house. You know what your dad's idea of DIY is? Dusting off the yellow pages. - Sorry to intrude on this. - No, it's my fault. - Sorry, Ivy. .. - REPORTER: Ivy? Can you do something about that? Uniform will keep them back as much as possible. It's not ideal, I know. Sorry about that, darling. You must be hungry. Can I get you a snack, something to drink? Give her a chance, Chris. Sorry. - I'm sorry. - Everyone stop saying sorry. Is my room still... It's just how I remember it. LISA: (ON MOBILE) No joy so far. No one seems to have known the guy. He kept odd hours, never said a word to anyone. What about home security cameras? Mmm-mmm. It's a safe little place. Well, that's what they thought until a few hours ago. - Are you okay over there? - We have to find him. His cards are being run. Where he spends, we pull up the CCTV. We'll get there. Breakthrough. Imminent. All that jazz. How about when our turn's over we see off the longest day with a drink? Tempting though it is, I can't. I promised Ivy. - I'll try not to take it personally. - Don't In fact, let's rain-check for Friday and I'll even lob you in a feed round mine. If you promise not to judge the state of my flat. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. (MOBILE VIBRATING) - I can't really... - SOFIA: Talk? No? Well, how about you listen? You can't lie yourself into loving her again, Angus, into everything being how it was. - I'm sorry, but I... - love you. And 1 know you love me. Sorry. Will we be expecting many more of these late-night calls? Please. I don't want to fight with you. Ivy, she won't let me near her. We just need to give her some time. I'll run the iron over these. LISA: You were meant to be at school but you weren't why was that? IVY: I was going to meet El. LISA: El? IVY: Eloise, my best friend. She wanted to go to the Stokes Croft arcade. LISA: You were last seen on Dockton Lane at 9:08. That's quite a way from the arcade. El was late. And I started to walk towards her house. - LISA: Down the back streets? - Mmm-hmm. 1 had my minidisc on. Mum always told me off for how loud I had it. ELLIOTT: What happened next, Ivy? A hand over my... Then my neck... Dragged back. I got shoved in a van, hit something sharp and then nothing. And when I woke, if... It was dark and I was there. We have a face! (LINE RINGING) - Wake up, slowpoke. - ELLIOTT: Charming. - And for the record, I was awake. - We've got him. Forecourt footage from Ebbway Garage. He used one of his stolen IDs to top up. The PNC is giving us the name... Mark White! We need Ivy to confirm. Is this him, Ivy? What happens now? Well, we circulate the image city-wide. You'll get him? It's a significant step forward. Will you do my make-up? Craig, do you mind? So what are we going for? You choose. Is this all yours? It's not much. So what's the occasion? I want to look nice. Who for? It's been, urn... Ivy told you I was coming, right? Tim. - Come upstairs. - Oh, I don't know if that's a good idea. It's okay, Mum. I'm 26. You look... How are you? That's a stupid question. Bored of talking about me. I want to know how you are. - But I want to know how you are. - Snap! And as the oldest by 15 days, I win, so... How's El? And... And the rest of the gang? Did Hol manage not to get kicked out of school? Sorry, too fast. Pick a question. Hol made it. She works in Debenhams now. I never see her, though. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Can I bring you up some drinks? - We're fine. Thanks, Mum. How's your mum, dad, sisters? Fine. That's good. I liked them. Did they like me? I know I could... -be... - They liked... Like you. All of them said to, uh, send you their love, say that you were in their prayers. So what's changed? Much? Nothing? Anything? Can I go for somewhere in-between? (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Ivy we need to resume our interview. - I've got my friend here. So I see, but it's important. - Sure, no worries. - I'll be down when I'm ready. - I should go. - Not yet, please. Do you still skate? I could watch you for hours. I'm practically an old man now. I've got dodgy knees. I'm not sure I'd even know how any more. I wouldn't say old. Older maybe, but... everyone is. I'm so... I can't... You're back. Back in a min. ELLIOTT: ...got that. We know who he is now, which is half the battle. (EMMA AND CRAIG TALKING, INDISTINCT) (BREATHING HEAVILY) ELLIOTT: Ivy? Ivy! I'll find her. I'll find her. (BABY SCREAMING) We'll bring her back. Ivy! I thought you'd be here. Are you okay? Ivy? Tell me that you're okay, please. I'm here now, you're safe. (LINE RINGING) Christina. Yeah, I've found her. No, she's fine. I'll bring her back. (MOBILE RINGING) LISA: (ON MOBILE) Ivy's been found. See you back here soon. (SIGHING) Okay. One moment, Mrs Moxam, they're being escorted in now. She never leaves our sight again. - We can't be with her every minute. -just watch me. Chris, I just don't think that we can wrap her up in some sort of bubble. We haven't even told her about our time apart. No sudden shocks! And "time apart" is a funny way to describe shagging your PA! Please. She'll be in in a sec. None of us, none of us have even the tiniest idea what she's been through, what it's been like. Because you won't let us ask. You just want to ram your fingers in your ears, block it all out. It's not going to go away, Chris! - Things happened to her. - Shut up! - We were worried. Beyond worried. - Don't Listen to your dad. We're just... - We're just glad you're okay. - Where were you? The courtyard of Broadmead. We used to go there after school. Why would you risk going outside? Where are you going? Of course, you must be exhausted. I'll bring you up some cocoa if you like and we'll keep it quiet down here so you can get some sleep. Can't have her out wandering the streets when... When her kidnapper's out there? Why, when Ivy knows this, did she choose to leave the house? - She... - It doesn't make any sense. It was hardly a calculated decision. - What are you suggesting, DS Merchant? - I don't know. The delays in her intel, the inconsistencies, the lack of a decent description of her attacker. It could all speak to Stockholm Syndrome. - You don't agree, DI Carne? - I... I think it's been a long two days. LISA: Detail is what's missing from your account so far. We want to work back from the months after you were first snatched, to the end of year one. Is that okay with you? For this to be of any use to us we're going to need you to communicate as much as possible, Ivy. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Can I get anyone tea, coffee? Maybe just some water, then? I'll give you a hand, Mrs Moxam. (DOOR CLOSES) You're not in trouble for running off, if that's what you think, Ivy. It's just you worried a lot of people. Your kidnapper, he could be anywhere. - Okay? - Okay, DI Carne. Elliott. You should... Elliott's my name. I know it must be hard -to put your trust in people. - I trust you. Emu". 43006, Tm... I'm glad. I'm not very good with these, uh, with this sort of thing but I, urn... You've been through a lot. More than any girl should have to. But you need to give yourself a chance to start living again. Everything was on pause but now, now, well... Well, now it's not. No. It's not. You're right. If you ever need to talk... She's so changeable. I can't get a handle, a fix on it. Her. Whatever happened in that house, it doesn't change the fact that Ivy's been damaged, possibly beyond repair. I feel for her, I do, but we have to be careful around her. You have to be careful around her. She's getting attached. Who's buying, then? Polish lad, Aron Bazan, recognised White from the picture from 11 years back, give or take a few. He worked with him. Regular employment, regular pay cheque. - Where? - Now, this is gold. Mr Stone, we'd like you to come to the station to answer a few questions regarding Ivy Moxam? Sorry, why? Information's come to light that puts the kidnapper here as a former member of your staff. - What? - You've got it wrong. As headmaster of the school, Mr Stone is responsible for all employees so whatever you're starting to say, save it. ELLIOTT: It's hard to believe you. Now, you can see that, can't you? It's hard to believe that you've no recollection of a man who was on the payroll of your school. Look, there's hundreds of staff and that's just now, let alone going back that far, you know, back to... Back to when a 13-year-old who was meant to be in class at your school, back to when she was taken by a member of your staff? (SIGHING) We've a long night of this ahead. Anyone you'd like to call? Urn, thank you, yeah. -(PHONE RINGING) - It hasn't stopped! It's no one's business but ours. - Hello? - Um, it's, um... It's Henry. - Henry Stone. - Who is it? Can I have some peace, please? Why are you calling here? What you'll hear about me, I swear I didn't know. I'd never do that to you. What are you talking about? The man who took Ivy, the police are saying he worked at the school when... And, and after. (SOBBING) (WATER RUNNING) IVY: Tim, Ivy here. Hi. We used to write letters to each other all the time, so... Hello, me again. 13 years on, it's... It's a long time. Yesterday when 1 saw you, 1 thought maybe too long, that 1 couldn't expect anyone to have waited, but you'd waited. Now it's up to me to press play. Star': living. So we can be like we were. Everything else has changed. Not us. This looks... - Where's Alia and the others? - I told them we needed one night. CRAIG: It smells good, Christina. It really does, Mum. It's your favourite, Ivy. - Shit! - Here, run it under the tap. I'm fine! There's no need to fuss. Would you do the honours and serve? Eat up, love, before it gets cold. CHRISTINA: Save some space if you can, there's crumble for afters. Oh, and I dug out Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. I thought we could watch it. EMMA: It's really delicious, Mum. - Sorry, Mum. - You've nothing to be sorry for. -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) - One night! - Do you want me to get it? - We're having a family dinner, like a normal family. I'll get rid of them. I'm sorry, Ivy, love. We need Ivy to come in. He's taken another girl. Is this all for the little girl? I thought it was just bad luck, him taking me. But if he was at my school, it can't have been, can it? ELLIOTT: Maybe he plans to hole up, recreate what he had with Ivy? TIM: This girl that's been taken, I'm sorry. - What is it? -just watch it. LISA: She's lying to us, making a fool of you. # Don't say nothing, no # 1 can see when you're lying, oh, oh # And when you're alone, you're so alone # When you're alone, you're so alone # "Coldplay - Hymn For The Weekend" (feat. Beyoncé) BY TONY JAIMY Then we'll shoot across the sky Drink from me Drink from me Then we'll shoot across the sky ........... Symphony (So high, so high) Then we'll shoot across the sky Oh, angel sent from up above You know you make my world light up When I was down, when I was hurt you came to lift me up Life is a drink, and love's a drug Oh, now I think I must be miles up When I was a river, dried up You came to rain a flood And said drink from me, drink from me When I was so thirsty Pour on a symphony Now I just can't get enough Put your wings on me, wings on me When I was so heavy Pour on a symphony When I'm low, low, low, low Ah.., oh, I, oh Got me feeling drunk and high So high, so high Ah., oh, I, oh I Now I'm feeling drunk and high So high, so high Oh, angel sent from up above I feel it coursing through my blood Life is a drink, your love's about To make the stars come out Put your wings on me, wings on me When I was so heavy Pour on a symphony When I'm low, low, low, low Got me feeling drunk and high So high, so high I'm feeling drunk and high So high, so high I, oh I, oh I La la la la la la la So high, so high I, oh I, oh I I'm feeling drunk and high So high, so high Then we'll shoot across the sky Then we'll shoot across the... Then we'll shoot across the sky Then we'll shoot across the....... Then we'll shoot across the sky Then we'll shoot across the..... ♪ Young man goes out ♪ ♪ Looking for the diamond in the sea ♪ ♪ Old man rows his boat to shore ♪ ♪ And falls on twisted knees ♪ ♪ And you'll drown Before the water lets you in ♪ I gotta know, John. About what? They said he drowned. So, you did... What? How did it happen? You wanted me to let you know if ever there was a time we were not safe. Yeah. Things are not good. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? There's information about me out there that... What kind of information? ...could be bad for me. What...? Can...? Can you do...? Can you get rid of it? Isn't there something you can do to make it go away? It's not like that. Do whatever it is that you have to do. Don't come home tonight. I'll tell the kids something. I don't know, but I... I can't fucking look at you right now. Where'd you find this? On the beach. Where John met with Danny the morning after the Red Reef. Did you see John that morning? Nope. No, I took off before John got there, but then I went back later on, and I found that there. Danny gave that to Janey. And John took it from her. John had to be at the beach. So, why is he lying, saying he wasn't? It's fucking two plus two. John wanted Lowry's guy to take Danny out. It didn't work. So, then John's gotta go take care of his own fucking business. I'm gonna get you your immunity. Eric was there? What did he see? I don't know if he saw anything, but he must know something or else Marco wouldn't be trying to get him immunity. Marco would have to have a warrant to access the cameras. But as long as Internal Affairs is investigating him, he can't do a goddamn thing. You leaked it? I did. If Internal Affairs clears Marco, then he's free to go after this. The investigation could take weeks. Depending on what they find, it could take months. That doesn't get rid of the problem, John. Eric O'Bannon doesn't go away. Whatever he knows, he still knows. Meg, you know whatever happens... I will take responsibility for all of this. John, we're on those tapes with you. There is... There's no scenario where you confess and we come out clean. Jesus. I gotta call Kevin. Don't do that. I'm not gonna keep hiding shit, John. All I do is I fucking lie. I lie and I lie. I'm fucking sick of it. I can't do this. I can't, I can't, I can't. You know what? I'm sorry. I just... I just... I have to go. This is all about Eric O'Bannon now. If he doesn't talk, then Marco doesn't have anything. She's right, you know, John. All about Eric. My good friend Eric. Of all the people in the world... He's really got you, though. What are you gonna do about it? Oh, those are dark thoughts. Dark. Dark thoughts. Be careful on the water. - Okay. - Thanks. Bye-bye. Hello. Oh, wow. Wow. You... You look just like him. I'm sorry? Danny. Danny. I mean... I mean, the resemblance. Oh, um... Can I help you with something? I was a good friend of his. My son? We were very close. We used to hang out in Miami all the time. And how do you know him? Oh, through a mutual friend. Eve Radosevich? Oh, yeah. She's the reason I'm here. I just came to visit. God, this place... This place is sick. Oh, my God. Look at this. I don't know what the hell Danny was talking about. Always complaining. If I'd have grown up here, I'd have never left. I'd like to stay here. Hey, hey, you need a bellhop? Because I'm available. Just putting it out there. Uh, does Eve know you're here? You know, I was... I was a bellhop all through high school. We didn't own the hotel like you people. My mom was a... She was just a maid. That's how she got me the job. Because one of those big families, seven kids. You don't work, you don't eat. Bottom line, you know? Hey. You know, I remember once Danny told me that you... You had a... A little girl that drowned? Yes. Danny was really broken up about that. And I know how he felt because I had a little kid brother who... who died. Shot. A stray bullet. I'm very sorry. But you know what? We never... We never felt sorry for ourselves, you know, the way that Danny did. We just went in the world, and did what you had to do. I don't know, I guess you got a name like Rayburn, I mean, and a place like this... That's a lot to live up to. I mean, you gotta hide all the rough edges and keep up appearances, and it must make you... Must make you have to do some... really funny things. You know what I mean? No, I don't. Oh. Oh, there she is. Eve. Your friend is here. Uh... Hey. You should've told me you were coming. Surprise. But now's not a good time, you know? Oh, really? - But we'll talk later, all right? - Okay. We'll talk later. Hey, so it was so good to meet you. What a pleasure. Looking forward to seeing more of you, now that Eve's part of the family. Hey, hey, don't be a stranger. Come on. You and I got a lot to catch up on. So, O'Bannon's telling you that John met with Danny? According to him, John and Danny were to meet the next morning. So, the theory that John helped Danny after the Red Reef, it fits. Yeah. It is still your theory, right? Or are you thinking of something else? Look, I... I just wanna get immunity for O'Bannon and see where it goes. Yeah, well... you're gonna have to wait on that. I just got a call from the commissioner's office this morning. Until the investigation is over, the DA's office will not accept requests from us. Fuck. If we could... get out from under IA, they said they'd play ball. And if we don't? Hmm? - When do you talk to IA again? - Uh, tomorrow morning. Right. Forget about O'Bannon right now. That's what we gotta worry about. Jake the Snake! - Kev, what's up, baby? - Hey, man. - How you doing, man? - I'm all right. How you been? I'm good, man. God, it's good to see you. Thanks for coming down. So, listen, I just wanted to say, um... well, the last time I saw you, I was... I was not... - I was in a very bad place. - You think? You...? Yeah. And, um... You know, but I heard what you said. I had too much on my plate. And, um... But things are going well for me now. I stopped drinking. - Yeah, yeah, I heard. I heard. - Did you? Yeah, that's good, man. I'm... - I'm proud of you, man. - Yeah, I... I'm feeling good. Good. You look good. So, you interested in your old job back? - My old job here? - Yeah, your old job here, asshole. - I don't know, I don't know. - Come on. Let me think about it. I'll be interested in my old salary, how about that? Yeah? How about a ten percent bump? My man. Thank you, man. It's good to see you, man. - Good to see you, too. - Hey. - Hey. - Who's the new guy? Jake's not new. He's one of my oldest friends. He's worked for me forever. The best mechanic in the Keys. No, stop. He's right, though. Good. Good to meet you. But in the future, Mr. Gilbert will sign off on any new hires. Uh... Yeah. Okay. - Oh... We're bringing in a boat tonight. - Great. What time? Don't worry about it. I'm also gonna be upgrading the security around the perimeter of this place. I'll get you a passcode. Okay, thanks. So, you're a good kid? Yes, sir. You respect your father? Yes, sir. It's important, respect. Being a father's a tough job, you know? I mean, it's hard to get it right... but we try, don't we? Yes, sir. Why don't you go ahead...? Go ahead and tell him. I just wanted to thank you. For sending money to my mom all these years. We need it, so thanks. Hey, why don't you...? You go wait in the car for me because I gotta have a couple words with Dad, okay? It was good meeting you, son. See you. So, we went to a beach. That doesn't... That doesn't prove anything. It makes our whole story complete bullshit. Eric O'Bannon. Eric O'Bannon can fuck everything for us. Can't John do something? - What? - I don't know. Bring him in on some made-up bullshit charge. Anything. Fuck. All right, so if John won't do anything... Yeah? What are we gonna do... you and me? O'Bannon. Jesus. My mom's sleeping, dude. Fuck. Tell me everything. Okay. About what? About that fucking family. I want everything. I want it all now. I fucking told you everything. - So, what were you gonna tell the cops? - Nothing. Nothing. That's bullshit. Come on, bro. Don't hold out on me. I'm not fucking holding out on you. I fucking told you everything. Okay? No. Oh, no. No, man. No. No. You stupid fuckbrain. Did you turn him in already? You know what? Fuck you. I fucking told you everything. Fuck off. Oh. - No, no, no. - Fuck what? - Put it fucking down. - Shut the fuck up. - We can talk, all right? - Shut up. Shut up. Don't you ever fucking push me again. - Ozzy, put the fucking gun down. - Tell me everything you know right now. - I told you everything. - Everything. Everything. Hey! Get out of here. Now. Fucking put it down. - We were... We were just finishing... - All right. We're just finishing up, sweetheart. Just finishing up. Okay. See? We were just finishing up, sweetheart. - We're done. - Ozzy. Ozzy. I fucking told you everything, okay? Yeah. Sure you did. Just go fucking sleep it off. Fuck. - Chelsea, what? - I can't... These people you hang out with, I swear to God. I don't hang out with him. It's a business thing. It's on me, seriously? A guy comes over drunk as shit, walks through the backyard with a fucking gun on me and it's my fault? Are you okay? Yeah. Sorry, I'm... I... I don't usually drink in the middle of the day. It's just, um... - I'm sorry. - Eve. What? Is it that man? Who is he? My ex. He said he knew Danny. Eve. Please, just tell me. Him and Danny... robbed a drugstore. For pills... to sell on the street. But, you know... It wasn't... It wasn't like Danny to do that kind of thing, but the restaurant was everything to him and he was gonna lose it, so... Whenever he needed money, he always came to us. I... Danny was never shy... about asking Robert for help. He did ask Robert for help. So, you come to me first. Have you talked to your siblings about this? What, Meg and Kevin? They're not gonna be interested. And John? I just... I don't wanna ask John for money anymore. But you got no problem coming to me... tapping the same vein over and over again. I'm taking responsibility for my life, okay? I'm looking after the kid, I've done this, I'm doing everything, everything that you've asked me to do. So, what do you want, an award or something? I mean... It's called being an adult. Jesus, I just can't fucking win with you, can I? I... I don't know, Dad, I just... I finally got my life together, and what, now you just don't wanna hear about it? I've been hearing about it for decades. I know who I am now and I know what I'm capable of, whether you believe it or not, Dad. I just... I just need a loan. So, you're ready to bet on yourself? - Yes, sir. - Hm. Okay. All right. I'll give you the money for the restaurant. But if you take it, you have to provide. - What does that mean? - Well, you don't expect me to... support your kid forever, do you? Oh, hold on, Dad. You're gonna cut Nolan off? I'll give you the money for the restaurant or your son. You pick. But Danny chose Nolan. Danny tried to get the money together, but then... after the drug store, he got arrested for the pills and stuff, so... I, uh... I visited the restaurant. There was a fire that was set. Was that Danny, too? No, it's... You know, we never really figured out what happened there with the restaurant. Danny was in jail by then anyways. But when Danny found out about it... he, uh... He just kind of gave up. He was never the same after that. I'm real sorry. I, uh... Look, there was a report that there was an incident over at your mother's house. Who reported it? A neighbor. You know anything about that? Yeah, I was there. Some asshole was waving a gun around, threatening Eric. You know the guy? No. Should I? No, I believe he was a friend of Danny's from Miami. I warned Eric about him and, uh... Can you ID this guy? Yeah, probably. I mean... could you come down to the station and give a quick statement? You'd be in and out. It's just so we can get a chance maybe to pull this guy off the street - and set him straight and... - I don't know. I don't wanna get involved in Eric's shit. This guy's got a violent record. This isn't someone you want Eric hanging around with. I don't want him hurting your brother. I guess I could come by later. Thanks. All right. And, John, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have to keep coming over here... looking after Eric, you know? Cleaning up his messes and... Fuck, Chelsea. You got nothing to be sorry about. Yeah. That's him. Him who? Tell me again. That's the guy that showed up at my mother's house. He had a gun and he threatened my brother. It would be helpful if you told me everything you saw. Okay. This guy is dangerous. If anything happens to my brother, he's the one to look for. Oh, my God. What is that? What's...? What's he doing? He's sucking his thumb. Really? That's a good thing. That means the fetus is developing the way it should. See? You have nothing to worry about. He looks like you. - God, I hope not. - No, I see it. Look at that little nose, that little mouth. That little hairline. My little baby boy. When I got to the house, Mrs. Aguirre was injured and she seemed to be very intoxicated and kept insisting that she had fallen. And then you talked to her husband. I did. And he corroborated her account. Did Mrs. Aguirre seem intimidated in any way? No. But honestly, it would've been very hard to tell because, like I've said before, she was very intoxicated. Did you know at the time that Mr. Aguirre was a high-ranking detective at the Monroe County Sheriff's Department? I didn't handle the situation well. I was young, I was a rookie, I admit that. And if that same situation were to arise today, I'd handle it completely differently. Detective, did you cover up the incident to advance your career? Absolutely not. All right, Detective. We'll be talking to all the relevant parties. Let's just hope no one contradicts your account. Ms. Ortiz. Your partner's a lucky guy. - How's that? - Aguirre's ex recanted her story. Said it was all a misunderstanding. - Well, I'm sure it was. - Bullshit. Aguirre got to her. Marco's been cleared by Internal Affairs. What about Eric? Marco can get his statement any time he wants. So, that's it. That can't be it. Unless O'Bannon changes his story. What if he doesn't change his story? I don't know. You tell me, Kevin. This is fucking crazy. I mean, Meg and I, we didn't even do anything. What did you just say? I said Meg and I... we didn't do anything. You both had a choice. A choice? John, you were having a heart attack. And Danny was just laying on the beach. Nobody asked you to move Danny's body, Meg, and certainly nobody ever asked you to get Kevin involved in this. She was scared. What was I supposed to do? Let me get this straight. Are you saying you didn't do this? That we did anything but help you? The night before, you remember that? I remember very fucking clearly. You were standing there, all coked up with a gun in your hand... - You can't hold that up to me now anymore. - Do you remember what you said to me? I remember. You said, "John, if you don't take care of Danny, I will." - I didn't mean for you to kill him. - What the fuck did you mean? What did you mean, Kevin? Because you know what? I don't know because you don't think. You never think. You never have. Every fucking problem you've had ever since we were little kids, you have come to me to solve. No, we solved your problem, John. We helped you. You... You both wanted him gone. - That's not true. - What the fuck are you talking about? The only reason, Meg, that I was even on that beach is because you wanted me to deal with Danny. No. No, that's not true. This started way before that. What are you talking about? I am the only person who wanted to give Danny a chance when he came home. Is that why you cut him out of the business? He was dealing drugs. You told him to leave and then you blamed it on Dad. You need to handle this, okay? Because we're done now. You're done? Am I the only one in the family that's ever taken any responsibility for anything? Huh? Have I always been there to help you when you need help? Any time you needed anything, I was there. Any time you needed anything, I was there. And when Danny needed help, where the fuck did Danny go, huh? He was supposed to be the big brother, but he came to me. I fucking took care of everyone. I have always taken care of everyone. And I'll tell you something, the day I stop taking care of your bullshit... - you are lost. - Fuck you. This has ruined my fucking life, man. You have ruined my life. So, whatever you need to do, you do that. This is on you, John. Dude, what the fuck is up? DA's gonna give you your immunity. Well, it's about fucking time. Yeah, but just so we're clear, this only works if you tell us everything you know. Understand? Yeah. I don't wanna carry this shit around with me anymore. All right, good. So, tomorrow morning you're gonna come in here. We're gonna get your whole story on record. - Yeah. Fuck. I'll be there. - All right. Hey, John. I'd like you to meet my friend, Wayne Lowry. I've told him some things that could make your life very difficult. John knows you tried to kill me tonight, Wayne, so back the fuck off because my baby brother, he's very protective. Aren't you, John? You tipped me off about a federal investigation when I was about to get busted. And let's not forget, you moved $2 million worth of coke from the inn so the feds wouldn't find it. What is it? Hi. Uh... I'm sorry about the whole IA thing. Um, I wanted you to know... that I leaked the stuff about Aguirre. But... I kept you out of it, Marco. That part... it wasn't me. Am I supposed to believe you? All you've ever done is lie to me, Meg. I know. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I wanna tell you the truth about everything. Maybe we can meet, you and me, and just... I could tell you what's going on, unofficially. What is this? A personal appeal? Yeah, I guess. We no longer have a personal relationship, Meg. - Do you understand? - Marco. Meg, stop. There was a time where maybe we could have worked all this shit out. That time is gone. No, please, Marco. Don't ever call me again. Hey. So, this is it? You're just running away? Going back home? The guys that I owe money to, they're not gonna stop until I pay them back. Didn't you, uh...? Didn't you get... insurance money? No. Cops said it was arson, so you don't get paid for that. The key to my apartment. When I get myself set up and I get on my feet, I'm gonna start sending you money, okay? Take it. Okay, well, this is me. Rayburn Express. Listen... What? Just... Just take good care of yourself, okay? Thank you. All right, that's everyone. All right, that's it. All right, go ahead, sir. Nolan? Hi. John's not home? No. Do you know where I could find him? I need to talk to him. He's working tonight. He's not gonna be home. Okay. Are you okay? Did something happen? It was my fault. What was your fault? I feel like I killed him. He came back because of me. And he needed money because of me. It was my fault. You can tell John. Listen, whatever you did, whatever it was, it wasn't your fault. I know this is hard to hear, but your dad, he always brought things on himself. So, I promise you, this isn't your fault. Just tell John what I said. You can't blame yourself for his death. No one can. You know what? Fuck it. Fuck it. Look, you're not answering my calls and you want me gone, so good. You know what? I'm out. I'm out of this fucking shithole, okay? And then when they're done with you, good luck, sweetheart. Okay. I... I... Look, I told you I will check out when I'm good and ready. Look, if this is about my bill, I'm not paying for this damage. It was already here. I need you to come with me. And I need you to suck my dick. Let's go, Mr. Delveccio. You're gonna come with me right now. What do you think he's gonna do? There's only one thing to do. This is crazy. Fuck, I have a baby coming, Meg. I gotta get out from underneath this. I can't do this anymore. What we have to do... is we have to protect ourselves. How? Let's go to Marco. Let's just go to Marco right now and tell him. - Tell him what? - Tell him everything. - We can't do that. - Aren't you sick of this? Aren't you sick of lying every fucking day? Meg, we had to pay somebody off. I almost lost everything, and all because of what? Because we're living this fucking lie! Come on, we have to talk to Marco. I can't. - He won't even talk to me anymore. - I'll talk to him for both of us. We don't have the history that you guys have. You don't understand. It's personal to him now. Well, I have to try. I'm gonna try. Listen to me. Look at me now. I don't want you to worry. All right? We gotta stick together. We gotta tell him the same story. We didn't kill anybody. All we did was keep our mouths shut. What's the worst that they can say about that? Obstruction of evidence, whatever you call it. I can't. Kevin, I get it. I understand. If you wanna go talk to Marco and tell him whatever it is you wanna tell him... it's fine with me, okay? I just... I can't... I can't face him. Okay. Come on. Sit down. Oh, look at you. Golden boy. What are you gonna do, John? You gonna kill me, too? I just wanna talk. Meg, please come with me. We have to talk to him together. I can't. I was at the Red Reef. I was with Danny, standing by him, while you sat in the fucking parking lot waiting for him to take a bullet. Let's talk about your options. I'm not making any fucking deals with you, John. I can help you. We can help each other. No. No, I don't need your help. There's nothing that you need? From you? Not a fucking thing. I know what you did. You hear me? I know you moved the drugs. I know you were at the Red Reef. I know you were on that fucking beach, John. I fucking know. He was my friend, John. He was my best friend, and you were his brother. You should've fucking looked out for him, but you didn't, did you? Fuck you! You wanna put all this on me? Hm? Who introduced Danny to Wayne Lowry, huh? Who the fuck had Danny stealing gas, dealing drugs? I'll tell you who. It was that fucking dirtbag Eric O'Bannon. That's who started this. You don't know anything about my family. You have no idea what the fuck went on inside of that fucking house of ours. You have no idea how much I helped Danny, how much I fucking helped all of them. No fucking idea. Is that your story? Because I gotta fucking tell my story, John, and I think we'll see... who ends up on top. Yeah, now we get to the real point of the conversation, don't we? The real John Rayburn, wow. I finally get to see the favorite son rolling around in fucking shit just like the rest of us. You need to fucking stop talking right now. No, it's okay. Put a fucking bullet in my head, John. Just fucking do it. There's no fucking way in the world that I'll let my family lose everything because of you. Do you understand that? Because of me? You're losing everything because you killed your fucking brother, asshole! Go ahead. Anything to protect the fucking Rayburn name. Right? Go ahead, John. Fuck. - I'll say hello to Danny. - Fuck you! Anything to protect the Rayburn name. You tell your fucking story. What the fuck do you want, Kevin? I have to talk to you. Can I come in for a minute? Okay. What do you wanna talk about? Listen, man, I know what's going on between you and John. - I know everything. - Oh, I know you do. - I know, but it's not what you think. - No? What do I think? Look, Marco, you have to understand, now, things got really, really fucked up when Danny came home. It was... It was a crazy time, and I had no choice... What'd you do? I had nothing to do with killing Danny. Well, you lied about it, right? So, you did have something to do with killing Danny. Okay, but I wanna tell you everything right now, okay? I wanna tell you the truth now. What is it about your fucking family that you guys think that you can lie and lie and lie until it's convenient to tell the truth? - I know. I know, we're fucked up. - Yeah, you are fucked up. And we're not making a deal. Marco, just listen to me for a second, man. Come on. You listen to me. I have everything that I need. I wanna tell you right now, all right? I wanna tell you everything now. Get the fuck out of... - What is it, O'Bannon? - Fuck. - We need to fucking talk now. - Well, we're set up for tomorrow. No. John Rayburn is going fucking nuts. I either talk right now, or I don't fucking talk at all. All right, calm down. Calm down, Eric, okay? Meet me at the station in 20 minutes, we'll figure this out. I don't have a fucking car here, man. Where are you? I'll pick you up. I'm at the shack by Fairview Harbor. All right, I'm on my way. Look, man, I'm begging you now. I have a baby coming. - Kevin. - Please, just listen to me. Get the fuck out of my house. It was John. Meg. John did it. No shit. And you guys helped him. And the three of you are going to fucking prison. So, do me a favor, all right, and get the fuck out of my hou... Feels good, doesn't it? You should let them take care of it. Where are we going? Mom... Honey. What is it? What is it? Mom, there's something you need to know. Yeah. Fuck it. Just drive. ♪ It might be nice to disappear ♪ ♪ To have a vanishing act ♪ ♪ To always be looking forward ♪ ♪ Never look over your back ♪ ♪ It must be nice to disappear ♪ ♪ Float into a mist ♪ ♪ It must be nice to disappear ♪ ♪ To have a vanishing act ♪ ♪ To always be moving forward ♪ ♪ And never looking back ♪♪ Are you following me? Um... no? Um, what are you doing? I live here. No. I live here. No. 3715. Really? See? Um, excuse me? Uh... This is my house. No. Listen this is my house. We know each other. Oh. I don't know you. We must have lost our memories. Well... I wonder how we're gonna get those back. Well... obviously, we should have sex and just hope for the best. - Wait. - What? What if we're brother and sister? You're ruining this. Hey. Hey. I'm gonna go to bed. Okay. I'll be in in a little bit. No, come now. Okay. I love you. I love you, too. Hey. Hmm? I really do. Good. Hey, will you grab the light? Hey, babe? Man on TV: Are you kidding me? This team doesn't care about winning. They're thinking about one thing and that is the draft. I'm not saying they're tanking, but the last thing they want is a win. This team's hope for the future is on draft day. Hey, babe. Where are you? I don't remember what you said you were doing today, but call me, okay? All right. Love you. Hi, Darcy? Listen, have you spoken with Claire today? Okay. No, no, everything's fine. I just don't know where she is. I'm sure she told me and I'm just forgetting. And, hey, listen, if you hear from her, could you... okay, great. Thanks, see ya. Hey, Mr. York, sorry. It's David, Claire's boyfriend? Is she working today? She works tomorrow, not today. All right. And you haven't seen her? No. - Claire? - Hey, what the fuck? Sorry, I'm looking for Claire. Have you seen her? - You ruined my prints, man! - Have you seen her? No! Shit. Man: Did you guys have a fight before she left? - No, everything was fine. - And what about recently? Did you guys have any disagreements? David: No. Man: Have you... Have you called her parents? Claire? David: She doesn't have any family, actually. Man: Okay. And you've spoken to her friends? Yes, I've spoken to her friends. Because sometimes people don't even realize - something was wrong. - Nothing was was wrong, all right? - We're happy, so... - Okay. David: Okay, well, what... what should I do? Man: Anything helps. You know, reach out to people that know her. If this isn't resolved in a few days, we'll get you a printout of the report. A lot of people like to flyer the neighborhood, you know, telephone poles and everything. Whoa, wait, wait. Flyer the neighborhood? - That's it? - Listen, hopefully, it won't come to that. Okay, I promise you, we're gonna do everything we can. Are you following me? What? No. Of course not. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You live here? Uh, yeah. Oh, that's embarrassing. I'm sorry. Don't worry about it. You know, it's just that for a second, I thought you were gonna kill me. Wow, well, I definitely would not do that. I know, you're probably like a... Like a school teacher or something. No, I'm not a school teacher. But... I like to think I'm a pretty good guy. Yeah, I can see that now. I'm Claire. David. Hi, David, I just moved into 103. The twisted sister fan. Oh. I'm in 203, right above you. Oh, I'm sorry. I... I can make it up to you. I can get you a gift or something. - Oh, really? - Yeah! No, listen, I'm kidding, seriously. I mean, you can get me gifts, by all means, but don't worry about it. Welcome to the building, Claire. - Hey, David. - Hi, Colleen. How you doin'? I'm... I'm good. Well, I really hate to do this to you, but I really can't wait any longer. I'm so sorry. It's, you know, if it were up to me... I understand. Okay. All right, see ya. Hello? Sorry for dropping in without any warning. I didn't think I was gonna be here more than an hour. Don't worry about it. It's good to see you. It's nice to actually talk to someone who really knew her. It's... It's been too long. I know, I know. I'm sorry about that. How have you been doing? Just the same, you know? It's just... it... It's too brutal, man, you know? It's... it's unreal. Yeah, you know, best-case scenario is that she just left. And cops said that happens. That's the easiest thing for me to imagine. I mean, the... You know, the least painful. 'Cause it's either that or she... Was killed, or she was taken. - Shit. - Yeah. So, there were never any leads or anything? No. Do you think it's possible that... You know, that she was unhappy? Fuck, man. I mean, she was the happiest I'd ever seen her with you. You're a good match. And with Claire? I don't think that was an easy thing to find. To Claire. Thanks for lettin' me crash, man. Yeah. So, where are you off to tomorrow? I'm going to the French alps, man. Friend of mine has an adventure-guide service thing. Take rich tourists climbing, camping, make it feel dangerous. I'm gonna do a few trips with him, make some money, and then... Hey, what are you doing? You think I can make it? Not without breaking your neck, come on. Hey! Hey! What? You don't think I'll do it? You're being an idiot. Now, come on before someone see you. Dare me. Dare me. I dare you. Jesus. What the fuck is wrong with you? My leg. Is it broken? Aw, Jesus. Come on, man. Come on, let's get you home. Let's get you home. Now, come on. There you go. I got you. Shit. There he is. How you feeling? Hey, um... Sorry about last night. I was just... You know, I was just drunk. No shit. You all right? Yeah, I'm just a little, you know, bruised up, but I'll be fine. Okay. Okay. So, what's your plan today? My flight's not until 4:00. Oh, um... You know, actually, I have a bunch of errands to run. I don't think I'll be back before then. But, you know, you can stay as you want. Just... you can just lock the door when you leave, you know? Awesome, man. Thanks. - Yeah, no problem. - Yeah. Hi. Hello. Are you busy? No, not really. Do you wanna eat? I kinda owe you. Come on. Oh, I'm... I'm sorry about the mess. No, i... I like your place. Really? Do you want a beer or something? Sure. Thank you. So, um... What do you do, Claire? Well... I'm currently pursuing a career in dry cleaning. Doing what? I work at a dry cleaners. Oh. Did you take these? Yeah, it's a... it's a hobby of mine. Oh. I really like them. Where is that? I... Vancouver. What do you do? Graphic design sort of stuff. Nothing too exciting, but... Cool. What is that you got there? Dinner, and it should be ready in, ooh, three and a half minutes. My god, that's not long. Claire, that's not food. Sure, it is. You've been eating stuff like that? - Yeah, I mean... - Put that down. Okay, i... I know a little thing about food. Do you wanna come with me? Can I make you something? Come here. End of the line, son. Can I just stay on for a while? What, this ain't a shelter, buddy. It's for gettin' where you need to go, huh? Hey! Hey! What the fuck? Oh... You're home early. You said you'd be gone all day. What are you doing? Oh, man. David. I'm sorry. What the fuck is this? I'm just looking for something. That's all. I can't find it. You weren't supposed to come home. I don't understand. Yeah, Boulder really wasn't for me. Kind of ski bum, beer pong situation. I didn't make a ton of friends. Mmm, my god, this is so good. So, where did you grow up? Salt lake city. Pretty happening spot. Yeah. Birthplace of jazz. Hmm? Nothing. Never mind. Your family still there? Family's not really part of the picture. Where are you from? San Jose, California. And your parents, they still live there? My, uh, my mom does, but my dad, he actually died when I was a kid. Which is a hilarious thing to talk about. But long story short, my mom, after he died, she, uh, she found, Jesus. Mmm. I'm... I'm aware of him. Yeah, well, apparently, he was in San Jose, of all places, and now, you know, she... she collects these little baby figurines. Yeah, like... Like, you know, anything baby, like little baby sculptures. Anyways, now the house is filled with millions of little babies everywhere. Like, little angel babies. Yeah, it's, uh, it's a little... It's a little creepy. Also the whole place is kind of, um, kind of depressing, not just my... Not just my house, but San Jose in general. I don't... It's a boring place. I don't really like it there. You know, it's, uh... I go there sometimes, you know. Not as often as I should. But, yeah. I wanted to do that. That's, uh, that's okay. Oh, jeez. I'm still chewing my food. That's... no, wait, that's disgusting. His name is buck Cameron. So, he's a friend? A friend of my girlfriend's from college. Is your girlfriend here? Can I speak with her? No, she's not here. She, um... She disappeared a little over a year ago. She's missing. Hey, David. Hey. Detective Sloan. I heard what happened. You all right? Oh, yeah. My head hurts. Yeah, I bet. Doc said the cat scan looks fine, gave me some medicine for the pain, so. Good, look, the reason why I'm here is I figured rather than letting you get the runaround from god knows who, I'd take a look for you. Your pal buck never flew out yesterday, not under that name at least. What do you mean under that name? You said he went to the university of Colorado in Boulder, is that right? Yes, that's where Claire met him. There's no record of him there. That's gotta be a mistake. I don't think it is, David. On a hunch, I checked. Claire didn't go there, either. Wait, wait. What do you... What do you mean? Listen, David, you can tell me honestly. Do you know what he was looking for? No. So, you don't know if he found it either. Sloan: Do you know what he was looking for? You found me. Wow, this place is cool. Yeah. What's this? Oh, I made you some lunch. That's so sweet. Yeah, there's a little something inside. So, what have you been working on? Ugh, I've been looking at it all day. Well, I haven't. Let me see. You can see it when I do something good, okay? Fine. When I'm done. Okay? Excuse me. Hey, sorry, uh, sorry to bother you, but, um... Have you seen this girl? Do you recognize her? No? - Jesus. - You're not allowed back here. This is off-limits. I'm sorry, I was just looking around. Get out of here now. - Man: What is going on? - Nothing. Who is this? This is no one. He is confused. - Come on, let's go. - Wait, wait. Is there something that we can help you with? Yeah, have you, um... Have you seen this girl? Do you recognize her? Fisnik, let go of the poor boy. This girl, how do you know her? Well, she's my girlfriend. She was my girlfriend. She disappeared. I see. That is very sad. Do you... Do you know her? No. Why would I know her? Look, I-i don't know. I just.. Why do you come here looking for this girl, huh? Uh... I was just looking everywhere for her. But... But why do you come here? Uh... hey. She just spent a lot of time in this... In this area, so I thought maybe... Ah, ah. W-w-what is your name? My name's David. Now you have a problem, David. What do you mean? What's... what's my problem? I don't believe you. Hey, wait, I think we just have a bit of a misunderstan... Wait a minute. David, David. Look at me. You have to convince me now. I'm telling you the truth. Look, maybe... Let me just go home, okay? I'll just go home. What do you do, David? What... what is your job? I, uh... I do graphic design. I design for websites. Ah. I believe that. Sit down. All right. Now... the truth. I don't... I don't know what to say. Don't pay attention to him. Pay attention to me. What do you want? Why did you come here? I'm looking for my girlfriend. She disappeared. I am starting to lose Patience, David. I know that you are looking for this lady. Why here? I'm looking everywhere. Hey, hey, hey... So? Uh... I saw this address written down. Okay? It was written on a piece of paper in her handwriting. You know, I was just cleaning out her things and... You know, I thought I'd just come here. I was just... Just hoping that maybe... What is her name? Her name is Claire. Claire. Maybe it would be better for you if you stopped looking for her. Maybe you don't like what you find. David: Detective Sloan? Yeah, um... I was wondering if you could do me a favor. I was hoping you could check on a few things for me. Can I ask you a question? Sure. You always change the subject whenever I ask you about your family or anything. That's not a question. Why can't we talk about it? Why are you so interested in it? Well, I don't know, because... I'm in love with you. You are? Yeah. I mean, should I not be? Well, it's kind of out of my control, so... What is it that you want? What are you after? You. Oh, shit. Does, uh, does your head hurt? You want some of these? It helps. I want you to answer a few questions first, and then I'll give it to you. Why did you come here? I'm not gonna talk to you. Okay. All right. You're not gonna use that. How do you know? Just a feeling you get. What feeling? Fear. And you're not afraid right now? No. What about now? Do you know how much this hurts? Yeah, well, I do. Why did you come here? For information. What information? Anything I could find. Or get out of you. I don't know anything. You'd be surprised what you know. Do you know what happened to Claire? Huh? Did you do something to her? You think I know something? We're the same, David. We're both looking for the same thing. Yeah? What? Her. Hey, David. Hey. Can I come in? Yeah, uh... Jesus Christ. Yeah. Sorry about... the mess. I did some digging around like you asked. Called in some favors. Why don't you sit down? She was lying to you. Okay. She didn't go to school in Boulder. She didn't grow up in salt lake city, either. Found no record of her parents there. Why would Claire lie about that? I mean, I'm looking into it, but listen, this girl's fucked up. You know, she was clearly a part of something or she just wasn't who you thought she was. No, not really. No, I paid for a lot of things, but, you know, she just didn't make that much. Right. Look, I think the best thing for you to do is to put her out of your head, move on. Fuckin' cats. It's just clumsy. Hey, you know, thanks for your help. Look, if anything else pops up, I'll let you know. Hey, hey, hey. Come on. All right. How do you know Claire? I don't know her. Why are you looking for her? Open my shirt. What? Open my shirt. You want to know why, open my shirt. Pull it open. There's two more in my stomach. She didn't expect me to live. No. No, that's not right. Claire couldn't... Claire? Eve is what she call herself. It was my brother she was after. He wasn't as lucky I was. They met in a bar in Chicago. He pick her up. The hotel Marlaina. You know it? Yeah. It's nice. Also a good place to go if you're looking to pick up high-end whore. And he was. Not my brother's typical taste, but... She put a knife in him. Do you have any brothers? What would you do if you found her? What would you do? My people are going to come looking for me soon. Good. Then they can cut you loose. Oh. How much is this? They're not going to be happy with what you've done. Well, maybe you can put in a good word for me. All right. What's your name? Aleksander. Aleksander. I'm David. Let's hope we never meet again. One ticket to Vancouver, please. Here we are. Lots of light. - Mm. - Just painted. Yeah, it's... It's wonderful. All these houses were built in the '20s. This one's 1916. Bought this place and the one next door about ten years ago, fixed 'em up. Please, take a look around. David: So, what do you think? Claire: I like it. - What are you doing? - Here. I'm just showing you how to do it right. I like how I do it. Yeah, but it's wrong. It's not gonna look as good. I know how to paint. Mmm, I don't know if you do. Oh? Gonna be an asshole? Hey, I'm never an asshole. Right now you are. Mmm, not really. I'm just kinda, you know, being normal. Well, agree to disagree, I guess. Baby, we just have so much to do, and the ceiling is gonna take forever. You know what? I'll do the ceiling. You just relax. You're not going to do the ceiling. Why not? Because it's gonna be all messy and bad. Like your wall, which... sucks. You know what? I'm gonna do the ceiling right now, - and it's gonna be incredible. Okay. If you say so. Yeah. Maybe you should go have a beer. You're getting very worked up about the paint job. Hey. Word. Great. I'm all about that. Yeah, yeah. David, I'm done. Wow. That's, uh, that's beautiful. You mind? David: This is gonna be hell to paint over. Tomorrow. Okay. Gimme your hand. I don't get it. "Sarah?" It's a joke. Isn't Sarah the name of the waitress that you like at what's-it-called? What? Sophie's? Is her name Sarah? Yeah, right? It's a joke. Ah, it's incredibly hilarious. Much better. Yeah. David: So I got sort of a strange question. Do you, uh... Recognize this guy? You know who he is? What's this about? Well, I, um, I got these photos off an old camera that I bought, and I thought maybe I could get them back to their rightful owner. Any ideas? That's Mr. Garan. Mr. Garan. Does he work here? He used to. Mr. Garan passed five years ago. He was a good man. All right. Well, I'm sorry to... Sorry to hear that. Thank you. Do you know, was he married? David: Hello. My name is David. Are you a reporter? No, no, absolutely not. Look, this is a little hard to explain, but, um... My... my girlfriend, she disappeared a little over a year ago, and ever since then, I, um... Look, I'm... I'm sorry. I just know that she spent a lot of time here in Vancouver before I knew her, and I know that she was really interested in your... in your husband. Look, I'm just grasping at straws here, and I just... Do you... Do you recognize her? I met a lot of people with Richard. - I'm sorry. - Well, her name was... I don't know her. I'm very sorry. Good luck. Agh! Aah! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! No, stop! Stop! Please! Oh... - Stop! No, please! Help me! Help me! No, no, no! Please! - Don't move! - Get down on your knees! Down on your knees! Where are we going? - Get out. David, how do you do? John hall. Thanks, guys. I apologize, we must have frightened you. What do you want? I wanna talk to you. And who the fuck are you? I work for the government. Defense. I tell ya... I don't usually go in for this nature shit, but god damn. This is something, huh? Take a look at that. Makes your heart go. Yeah, you're looking for your ex-girlfriend. You knew her, I guess? Yes. I'm here to answer a few of your questions. The ones I can, at least. Give you some closure. But none of this is gonna be easy, David. Okay? Claire worked for us in a variety of capacities. Like what? Mmm, it was required that she establish a cover, a life, one that would allow for a great deal of travel, one that wouldn't draw a lot of attention. So, where is she? July of last year, she was called in for an assignment. She was killed in action 36 hours later. I'm sorry, David. No. See, you're lying. That doesn't make sense. I really am sorry to tell you. Okay. Okay, well, do you have any... Any proof, huh? Of any of this? I mean, you're so interested in giving me closure. Open this if you have to, but I've seen what's inside, and I wouldn't, if I were you. I mean it. We need you to stop digging around her past, David. She handled sensitive material. Sensitive situations that don't need stirring by your inexpert hands. It's dangerous. For you, for all of us. Just let it go, okay? You're still on the outside. Stay there. I can't guarantee your safety otherwise. Take your time. Hey! Babe! Hey. Hey, Claire. Babe. Babe. Let me in. What's wrong? Claire. Answer me. Claire, open the door. - - Claire, open the door, please? Cl... Claire! Claire! Hey. Hey, hey. Oh... ah, Jesus Christ. Oh, my god, what happened? I got mugged. I was stupid, I... I tried to fight back. No, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Come here. Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. David: So, what was her name? Was it Claire? Can I ask you a question? What brought you to Garan's house? Just photos. Old photos she had before I knew her. Regular Philip Marlowe, am I right? So, who was he? You tell me. Some rich venture capitalist? That's right. Weekends, he liked to put on a red hood, convince discontented teens to join the cause of white supremacy. He put enough cash in the right pockets to keep that fact secret. So what, you just... Had him killed? Richard Garan died of a heart attack. Oh, yeah. I had a run in with some Columbian mercenaries a couple years back. More metal than man at this point. That must've been a long recovery. Oof. Two years physical therapy before I stopped walking like a zombie from those bad movies. What, were you, like, on crutches for a while or something? A cane. You said you have those photos on your computer? You mind if I take a look? Did I say that? Yeah. You mind if I take a look? No, um... Thanks. Hmm. I'm asking myself, "why is he so interested in my rehab?" But I realized, you haven't been completely honest with me, have you? David... Where are the negatives? No. Really? Son of a bitch. It's amazing how things change so quick. What was it, a minute ago, 80 seconds tops, you made that comment about my leg and tipped your hand. You were gonna go home, live a life, meet a girl probably, have a couple kids. She's still alive. Hmm? She's alive. Isn't she? She's dead. Take this left. Where'd you get that? Let me out. Here. Pull over! No, don't... Don't pull over, Michael. What a mess. Nothing's gone as I intended, not one thing. Hey. Hey. I tried you at the... the darkroom. I had my headphones on. Mmm. How was it? It was fine. Did you bring anything back? No. There wasn't anything good enough to save. Is something wrong? I'm just tired. And that's the end of it. Just tired, David. What, you wanna have a whole conversation about that? I just haven't seen you all day. I was working. No, I, uh, I know. You've been working every night for the past three weeks. I haven't seen you. I'm sorry that I wanna have a conversation with you - when I do. - Yeah, well, I'm sorry that I wanna sleep when I'm tired. Wow, you're... you're being such a bitch right now. What? Fuck you. Hey. Hey, does this have to do with what... happened? What are you talking about? Does what have to do with it? The fact that you won't speak to me, that you're a million miles away and I can't bring you back. Don't be such a drama queen. I'm right here. Then why does it feel like as close as I get to you, - I'm not even... - I don't know, David. Maybe I'm broken that way. Maybe it's impossible. It sure fucking seems like it, Claire. Yeah, well... I'm glad that we figured that out. I'm gonna go to sleep. All right. Good night. Can I help you? Hi, um... I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute. Okay. It's about Dana. Have a... have a seat. Thanks. Oh, did you get married? Yeah. Elise. Year ago next week. So... So... you and Dana. She went missing five years ago? Yeah. Vanished. You two were happy? I don't know. I thought we were. What are you getting at? I'm sorry. I met her... About four years ago. Where? Los Angeles. Is she, uh... She's gone. It was a bad car accident. It was about a year ago. And ever since then, I... Started looking into her past, which led me to you. And I just thought that you'd want to know, just so you could stop looking... In case you were. Yeah. Fuck, I'm... Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't... I didn't expect to be thinking about this today. She talk about me? She didn't tell me much about her past. Sounds like her. I did look for her for a while, but who walks out like that? May... maybe I was an asshole? I think about it. I think maybe i... maybe I was a little too hard on her. She just... you know, we just weren't a good match. Doesn't mean you walk out, though. You don't let a person wonder, even if she hated me. She didn't. I'm certain she loved you. You can't fake that. Well, this is all I have. Dana took those. Well, listen, I appreciate you coming, but I should get to work. Of course, yeah. Hey, Charlie. This guy here. That's Kyle. That's Dana's friend from... from home. That's Kyle. You two stay in touch? I mean, not really since she left. We talked a few times, but you know. You got a number for him? I'd like to reach out. David: Hey, Kyle. Or buck. Or whatever the fuck your name is. This is David Larraine. Yeah, I got your number, fuckshit, and, hey, listen, you know that thing you were looking for at my place? Well, guess what? I have it. If you want it, you're gonna meet me on the southwest corner of Blake and Van nuys the morning of the sixth, 3:00 A.M. Come alone, and, I don't know, bring a million dollars with you. If not, these pictures are going everywhere, and I have a feeling if that happens, you're gonna wind up in a ditch someplace. Am I right? See you Friday. Hello? Hey, Aleksander. This is David Larraine. If you wanna know where Eve is, I'm meeting her at 3:00 A.M. She'll be in a black SUV parked in a lot on the south side of Van nuys just east of Blake. She's all yours. What the fuck is this? Shit. Man: Where is she? - Buck: David? - Throw your phone in the gutter and head up Van nuys, enter the parking structure. On the left, there'll be a car parked with its door open. Get in. I want to be left alone. Okay? I will go away, and you will never hear from me again. I have what you're looking for, but you're never gonna find it. If I die, everybody finds it. That's not how this works. How does it work? You are just a scared guy who threw me in the back of a blacked-out beemer. We're something else. We're a different category of person. You wanna keep those pictures as an insurance policy? People like I work for can't live with that in this world. If I die, they get out. To who, David? Hmm? You haven't thought this through. The New York times? They won't know what the fuck they are. I'm sorry, David. Sarah was a threat. You are just a loose end. And there is a bullet coming your way right now. It is cutting through this world, and it can only end up in one place. No. I'll find a way. You underestimate me, buck. You have every step of the way. Mm, no, not this time. Smart, blacking out the windows, no one can see in. Trouble is, you can't see out, either. You have no idea what's coming. - Out of the car! Get out of the car! - Hand in the air! One the ground! Don't move! Don't fucking... Are you mad? Come here. Have I really been a million miles away? Mm-hmm. I got lost. It happens now and then. Okay. But you can't leave me out there, though. You gotta bring me back. I always will. Promise? No matter what. David. We meet again. Where's the film? I'm not going to tell you. Okay. That's what I thought you'd say. I'm gonna send a man in here. It's his job to get information from reluctant sources. Usually he's working with trained operatives who've been prepared for such treatment and who believe if they give up the information, it will cost many of their countrymen their lives, not to mention compromise their own place in the afterlife. You, on the other hand, are protecting the whereabouts of a roll of film, the significance of which you don't understand, for a dead girl who lied to you, used you, and made a fool of you. Anyway, I'm gonna walk out. He's gonna come in, and in a few minutes, he's gonna leave with what he came for. Or you could tell me now, spare yourself the discomfort. All right. You're very brave, David. I admire that. Truly. Thanks for coming. David? My name's David. Where's the film? I don't... I don't have it. Where's the film? I don't have it. I don't have it. I don't... Please, please, stop! Stop! Stop! Where's the film? Stop! St... What's going on? - Do not move! David. What did he do to you? Where have you been? Why did they do this? I came looking for you. I just got so close. How? The film in the garden. Your film. Where is it? Home. It's at our home. We have to... Have to get out of here. Wait, wait. David, there's no time for that. We gotta go. You can use one of these? Come on. - Are you all right? - Yeah. Come on. David: Jesus Christ. Damn it. Shit. We gotta get out of here. Get out! Shit. Stay here. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Get off the bike! Off the bike! Get out of here, come on. Come on, let's go! Claire: Where is it, David? The film? In the mail. Well, that's not good. What is it? It's proof that hall had been turned. It was... This was my only protection. - Claire... - We have to get out of here. Claire. Wait. Stop. - They'll be looking for us... - Stop. I haven't seen you. Are you hurt? Where? David? David. It's okay. You're gonna be okay. Who are you? I'm a lot of different people. I looked for you. I know. I didn't think you'd understand. I was wrong. I'm sorry. If you come with me... We can never, ever come back. Stay here. Claire: Shit. - What? - We're surrounded. So, what do we do now? We fight. Hey. Look at that. I didn't know you could still see it. Me neither. Hey. Where we gonna go? Anywhere you want. Well, I wanna go someplace warm, somewhere I've never been. Far away? Yeah. When? Let's go right now. Hall's men are out back. Aleksander's are out front. What do you think our best chances are? Not good either way. All right. You choose. No, you. Okay, fine. South America? Are we really gonna do this? Yes. We have to. Okay. Ready? On three. Hey, babe? I love you. Hey. Let's live. Yeah. - Okay. - Ready? Both: One, two, three. ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME? UM... NO? UM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I LIVE HERE. NO. I LIVE HERE. NO. 3715. REALLY? SEE? UM, EXCUSE ME? UH... THIS IS MY HOUSE. NO. LISTEN THIS IS MY HOUSE. WE KNOW EACH OTHER. OH. I DON'T KNOW YOU. WE MUST HAVE LOST OUR MEMORIES. WELL... I WONDER HOW WE'RE GONNA GET THOSE BACK. WELL... OBVIOUSLY, WE SHOULD HAVE SEX AND JUST HOPE FOR THE BEST. - WAIT. - WHAT? WHAT IF WE'RE BROTHER AND SISTER? YOU'RE RUINING THIS. HEY. HEY. I'M GONNA GO TO BED. OKAY. I'LL BE IN IN A LITTLE BIT. NO, COME NOW. OKAY. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, TOO. HEY. HMM? I REALLY DO. GOOD. HEY, WILL YOU GRAB THE LIGHT? HEY, BABE? MAN ON TV: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THISTEAMDOESN'TCARE ABOUT WINNING. THEY'RETHINKINGABOUT ONE THING ANDTHATIS THEDRAFT. I'MNOTSAYING THEY'RE TANKING, BUTTHELASTTHING THEY WANT IS A WIN. THISTEAM'SHOPE FOR THE FUTURE ISONDRAFTDAY . HEY, BABE. WHERE ARE YOU? I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID YOU WERE DOING TODAY, BUT CALL ME, OKAY? ALL RIGHT. LOVE YOU. HI, DARCY? LISTEN, HAVE YOU SPOKEN WITH CLAIRE TODAY? OKAY. NO, NO, EVERYTHING'S FINE. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE IS. I'M SURE SHE TOLD ME AND I'M JUST FORGETTING. AND,HEY,LISTEN, IF YOU HEAR FROM HER, COULDYOU- -OKAY,GREAT. THANKS,SEEYA . HEY,MR.YORK,SORRY. IT'S DAVID, CLAIRE'S BOYFRIEND? IS SHE WORKING TODAY? SHE WORKS TOMORROW, NOT TODAY. ALL RIGHT. AND YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HER? NO. - CLAIRE? - HEY, WHAT THE FUCK? SORRY, I'M LOOKING FOR CLAIRE. HAVE YOU SEEN HER? - YOU RUINED MY PRINTS, MAN! - HAVE YOU SEEN HER? NO! SHIT. MAN: DID YOU GUYS HAVE A FIGHT BEFORE SHE LEFT? - NO, EVERYTHING WAS FINE. - AND WHAT ABOUT RECENTLY? DID YOU GUYS HAVE ANY DISAGREEMENTS? DAVID: NO. MAN: HAVE YOU-- HAVE YOU CALLED HER PARENTS? CLAIRE? DAVID: SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY FAMILY, ACTUALLY. MAN: OKAY. AND YOU'VE SPOKEN TO HER FRIENDS? YES, I'VE SPOKEN TO HER FRIENDS. BECAUSE SOMETIMES PEOPLE DON'T EVEN REALIZE - SOMETHING WAS WRONG. - NOTHING WAS WAS WRONG, ALL RIGHT? - WE'RE HAPPY, SO... - OKAY. DAVID: OKAY, WELL, WHAT-- WHAT SHOULD I DO? MAN: ANYTHING HELPS. YOUKNOW,REACHOUT TOPEOPLE THAT KNOW HER. IFTHISISN'TRESOLVED IN A FEW DAYS, WE'LLGETYOUAPRINTOUT OF THE REPORT. A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE TO FLYER THE NEIGHBORHOOD, YOU KNOW, TELEPHONE POLES AND EVERYTHING. WHOA, WAIT, WAIT. FLYER THE NEIGHBORHOOD? - THAT'S IT? - LISTEN, HOPEFULLY, IT WON'T COME TO THAT. OKAY,I PROMISEYOU, WE'RE GONNA DO EVERYTHING WE CAN. ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME? WHAT? NO. OF COURSE NOT. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. YOU LIVE HERE? UH, YEAH. OH, THAT'S EMBARRASSING. I'M SORRY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST THAT FOR A SECOND, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA KILL ME. WOW, WELL, I DEFINITELY WOULD NOT DO THAT. I KNOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY LIKE A-- LIKE A SCHOOL TEACHER OR SOMETHING. NO, I'M NOT A SCHOOL TEACHER. BUT... I LIKE TO THINK I'M A PRETTY GOOD GUY. YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT NOW. I'M CLAIRE. DAVID. HI, DAVID, I JUST MOVED INTO 103. THE TWISTED SISTER FAN. OH. I'M IN 203, RIGHT ABOVE YOU. OH, I'M SORRY. I- - I CAN MAKE IT UP TO YOU. I CAN GET YOU A GIFT OR SOMETHING. - OH, REALLY? - YEAH! NO, LISTEN, I'M KIDDING, SERIOUSLY. I MEAN, YOU CAN GET ME GIFTS, BY ALL MEANS, BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. WELCOME TO THE BUILDING, CLAIRE. - HEY, DAVID. - HI, COLLEEN. HOW YOU DOIN'? I'M- - I'M GOOD. WELL, I REALLY HATE TO DO THIS TO YOU, BUT I REALLY CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER. I'M SO SORRY. IT'S, YOU KNOW, IF IT WERE UP TO ME-- I UNDERSTAND. OKAY. ALL RIGHT, SEE YA. HELLO? SORRY FOR DROPPING IN WITHOUT ANY WARNING. I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GONNA BE HERE MORE THAN AN HOUR. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU. IT'S NICE TO ACTUALLY TALK TO SOMEONE WHO REALLY KNEW HER. IT'S-- IT'S BEEN TOO LONG. I KNOW, I KNOW. I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? JUST THE SAME, YOU KNOW? IT'S JUST- - IT-- IT'S TOO BRUTAL, MAN, YOU KNOW? IT'S- - IT'S UNREAL. YEAH, YOU KNOW, BEST-CASE SCENARIO IS THAT SHE JUST LEFT. AND COPS SAID THAT HAPPENS. THAT'S THE EASIEST THING FOR ME TO IMAGINE. I MEAN, THE-- YOU KNOW, THE LEAST PAINFUL. 'CAUSE IT'S EITHER THAT OR SHE... WAS KILLED, OR SHE WAS TAKEN. - SHIT. - YEAH. SO, THERE WERE NEVER ANY LEADS OR ANYTHING? NO. DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE THAT... YOU KNOW, THAT SHE WAS UNHAPPY? FUCK, MAN. I MEAN, SHE WAS THE HAPPIEST I'D EVER SEEN HER WITH YOU. YOU'RE A GOOD MATCH. AND WITH CLAIRE? I DON'T THINK THAT WAS AN EASY THING TO FIND. TO CLAIRE. THANKS FOR LETTIN' ME CRASH, MAN. YEAH. SO, WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO TOMORROW? I'M GOING TO THE FRENCH ALPS, MAN. FRIEND OF MINE HAS AN ADVENTURE-GUIDE SERVICE THING. TAKE RICH TOURISTS CLIMBING, CAMPING, MAKE IT FEEL DANGEROUS. I'MGONNADO AFEW TRIPS WITH HIM, MAKESOMEMONEY, AND THEN... HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU THINK I CAN MAKE IT? NOTWITHOUT BREAKING YOUR NECK, COMEON. HEY! HEY! WHAT? YOU DON'T THINK I'LL DO IT? YOU'RE BEING AN IDIOT. NOW, COME ON BEFORE SOMEONE SEE YOU. DARE ME. DAREME. I DARE YOU. JESUS. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? MYLEG. IS IT BROKEN? AW, JESUS. COME ON, MAN. COME ON, LET'S GET YOU HOME. LET'S GET YOU HOME. NOW, COME ON. THERE YOU GO. I GOT YOU. SHIT. THERE HE IS. HOW YOU FEELING? HEY, UM... SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT. I WAS JUST... YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST DRUNK. NO SHIT. YOU ALL RIGHT? YEAH, I'M JUST A LITTLE, YOU KNOW, BRUISED UP, BUT I'LL BE FINE. OKAY. OKAY. SO, WHAT'S YOUR PLAN TODAY? MY FLIGHT'S NOT UNTIL 4:00. OH, UM... YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, I HAVE A BUNCH OF ERRANDS TO RUN. I DON'T THINK I'LL BE BACK BEFORE THEN. BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN STAY AS YOU WANT. JUST... YOU CAN JUST LOCK THE DOOR WHEN YOU LEAVE, YOU KNOW? AWESOME, MAN. THANKS. -YEAH,NO PROBLEM. - YEAH. HI. HELLO. ARE YOU BUSY? NO, NOT REALLY. DO YOU WANNA EAT? I KINDA OWE YOU. COME ON. OH, I'M-- I'M SORRY ABOUT THE MESS. NO, I- - I LIKE YOUR PLACE. REALLY? DO YOU WANT A BEER OR SOMETHING? SURE. THANK YOU. SO, UM... WHAT DO YOU DO, CLAIRE? WELL... I'M CURRENTLY PURSUING A CAREER IN DRY CLEANING. DOING WHAT? I WORK AT A DRY CLEANERS. OH. DID YOU TAKE THESE? YEAH, IT'S A- - IT'S A HOBBY OF MINE. OH. I REALLY LIKE THEM. WHERE IS THAT? I- - VANCOUVER. WHAT DO YOU DO? GRAPHIC DESIGN SORT OF STUFF. NOTHING TOO EXCITING, BUT... COOL. WHAT IS THAT YOU GOT THERE? DINNER, AND IT SHOULD BE READY IN, OOH, THREE AND A HALF MINUTES. MY GOD, THAT'S NOT LONG. CLAIRE, THAT'S NOT FOOD. SURE, IT IS. YOU'VE BEEN EATING STUFF LIKE THAT? - YEAH, I MEAN-- - PUT THAT DOWN. OKAY, I- - I KNOW A LITTLE THING ABOUT FOOD. DO YOU WANNA COME WITH ME? CAN I MAKE YOU SOMETHING? COME HERE. END OF THE LINE, SON. CAN I JUST STAY ON FOR A WHILE? WHAT, THIS AIN'T A SHELTER, BUDDY. IT'S FOR GETTIN' WHERE YOU NEED TO GO, HUH? HEY! HEY! WHAT THE FUCK? OH... YOU'REHOMEEARLY. YOUSAIDYOU'DBEGONE ALL DAY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? OH, MAN. DAVID. I'M SORRY. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? I'M JUST LOOKING FOR SOMETHING. THAT'S ALL. I CAN'T FIND IT. YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO COME HOME. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. YEAH, BOULDER REALLY WASN'T FOR ME. KIND OF SKI BUM, BEER PONG SITUATION. I DIDN'T MAKE A TON OF FRIENDS. MMM, MY GOD, THIS IS SO GOOD. SO, WHERE DID YOU GROW UP? SALT LAKE CITY. PRETTY HAPPENING SPOT. YEAH. BIRTHPLACE OF JAZZ. HMM? NOTHING. NEVER MIND. YOUR FAMILY STILL THERE? FAMILY'S NOT REALLY PART OF THE PICTURE. WHERE ARE YOU FROM? SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA. AND YOUR PARENTS, THEY STILL LIVE THERE? MY, UH, MY MOM DOES, BUT MY DAD, HE ACTUALLY DIED WHEN I WAS A KID. WHICH IS A HILARIOUS THING TO TALK ABOUT. BUT LONG STORY SHORT, MY MOM, AFTER HE DIED, SHE, UH, SHE FOUND, JESUS. MMM. I'M- - I'M AWARE OF HIM. YEAH, WELL, APPARENTLY, HE WAS IN SAN JOSE, OF ALL PLACES, AND NOW, YOU KNOW, SHE- - SHE COLLECTS THESE LITTLE BABY FIGURINES. YEAH, LIKE... LIKE, YOU KNOW, ANYTHING BABY, LIKE LITTLE BABY SCULPTURES. ANYWAYS, NOW THE HOUSE IS FILLED WITH MILLIONS OF LITTLE BABIES EVERYWHERE. LIKE, LITTLE ANGEL BABIES. YEAH, IT'S, UH, IT'S A LITTLE-- IT'S A LITTLE CREEPY. ALSO THE WHOLE PLACE IS KIND OF, UM, KIND OF DEPRESSING, NOT JUST MY-- NOT JUST MY HOUSE, BUT SAN JOSE IN GENERAL. I DON'T-- IT'S A BORING PLACE. I DON'T REALLY LIKE IT THERE. YOU KNOW, IT'S, UH... I GO THERE SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW. NOT AS OFTEN AS I SHOULD. BUT, YEAH. I WANTED TO DO THAT. THAT'S, UH, THAT'S OKAY. OH, JEEZ. I'M STILL CHEWING MY FOOD. THAT'S- - NO, WAIT, THAT'S DISGUSTING. HIS NAME IS BUCK CAMERON. SO, HE'S A FRIEND? A FRIEND OF MY GIRLFRIEND'S FROM COLLEGE. IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND HERE? CAN I SPEAK WITH HER? NO, SHE'S NOT HERE. SHE, UM... SHE DISAPPEARED A LITTLE OVER A YEAR AGO. SHE'SMISSING. HEY, DAVID. HEY. DETECTIVE SLOAN. I HEARD WHAT HAPPENED. YOU ALL RIGHT? OH, YEAH. MY HEAD HURTS. YEAH, I BET. DOC SAID THE CAT SCAN LOOKS FINE, GAVE ME SOME MEDICINE FOR THE PAIN, SO. GOOD, LOOK, THE REASON WHY I'M HERE IS I FIGURED RATHER THAN LETTING YOU GET THE RUNAROUND FROM GOD KNOWS WHO, I'D TAKE A LOOK FOR YOU. YOUR PAL BUCK NEVER FLEW OUT YESTERDAY, NOT UNDER THAT NAME AT LEAST. WHAT DO YOU MEAN UNDER THAT NAME? YOU SAID HE WENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO IN BOULDER, IS THAT RIGHT? YES, THAT'S WHERE CLAIRE MET HIM. THERE'S NO RECORD OF HIM THERE. THAT'S GOTTA BE A MISTAKE. I DON'T THINK IT IS, DAVID. ON A HUNCH, I CHECKED. CLAIRE DIDN'T GO THERE, EITHER. WAIT, WAIT. WHAT DO YOU-- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? LISTEN, DAVID, YOU CAN TELL ME HONESTLY. DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR? NO. SO, YOU DON'T KNOW IF HE FOUND IT EITHER. SLOAN: DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR? YOU FOUND ME. WOW, THIS PLACE IS COOL. YEAH. WHAT'S THIS? OH, I MADE YOU SOME LUNCH. THAT'S SO SWEET. YEAH, THERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING INSIDE. SO, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING ON? UGH, I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT IT ALL DAY. WELL, I HAVEN'T. LET ME SEE. YOU CAN SEE IT WHEN I DO SOMETHING GOOD, OKAY? FINE. WHEN I'M DONE. OKAY? EXCUSE ME. HEY, SORRY, UH, SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, BUT, UM... HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL? DO YOU RECOGNIZE HER? NO? - JESUS. - YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED BACK HERE. THIS IS OFF-LIMITS. I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST LOOKING AROUND. GET OUT OF HERE NOW. - MAN: WHAT IS GOING ON? - NOTHING. WHOISTHIS? THISISNO ONE. HE IS CONFUSED. - COME ON, LET'S GO. - WAIT, WAIT. IS THERE SOMETHING THAT WE CAN HELP YOU WITH? YEAH, HAVE YOU, UM-- HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL? DO YOU RECOGNIZE HER? FISNIK, LET GO OF THE POOR BOY. THIS GIRL, HOW DO YOU KNOW HER? WELL, SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND. SHE WAS MY GIRLFRIEND. SHE DISAPPEARED. I SEE. THAT IS VERY SAD. DO YOU-- DO YOU KNOW HER? NO. WHY WOULD I KNOW HER? LOOK, I-I DON'T KNOW. I JUST.. WHY DO YOU COME HERE LOOKING FOR THIS GIRL, HUH? UH... I WAS JUST LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR HER. BUT-- BUT WHY DO YOU COME HERE? UH... HEY. SHE JUST SPENT A LOT OF TIME IN THIS-- IN THIS AREA, SO I THOUGHT MAYBE-- AH, AH. W-W-WHAT IS YOUR NAME? MY NAME'S DAVID. NOW YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, DAVID. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT'S- - WHAT'S MY PROBLEM? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. HEY, WAIT, I THINK WE JUST HAVE A BIT OF A MISUNDERSTAN-- WAIT A MINUTE. DAVID, DAVID. LOOK AT ME. YOU HAVE TO CONVINCE ME NOW. I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH. LOOK, MAYBE-- LET ME JUST GO HOME, OKAY? I'LL JUST GO HOME. WHAT DO YOU DO, DAVID? WHAT- - WHAT IS YOUR JOB? I, UH... I DO GRAPHIC DESIGN. I DESIGN FOR WEBSITES. AH. I BELIEVE THAT. SIT DOWN. ALL RIGHT. NOW... THE TRUTH. I DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO HIM. PAY ATTENTION TO ME. WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHY DID YOU COME HERE? I'M LOOKING FOR MY GIRLFRIEND. SHE DISAPPEARED. I AM STARTING TO LOSE PATIENCE, DAVID. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THIS LADY. WHY HERE? I'M LOOKING EVERYWHERE. HEY,HEY,HEY... SO? UH... I SAW THIS ADDRESS WRITTEN DOWN. OKAY? IT WAS WRITTEN ON A PIECE OF PAPER IN HER HANDWRITING. YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST CLEANING OUT HER THINGS AND... YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT I'D JUST COME HERE. I WAS JUST-- JUST HOPING THAT MAYBE... WHAT IS HER NAME? HER NAME IS CLAIRE. CLAIRE. MAYBE IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR YOU IF YOU STOPPED LOOKING FOR HER. MAYBE YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU FIND. DAVID: DETECTIVE SLOAN? YEAH, UM... I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD DO ME A FAVOR. I WAS HOPING YOU COULD CHECK ON A FEW THINGS FOR ME. CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? SURE. YOU ALWAYS CHANGE THE SUBJECT WHENEVER I ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR FAMILY OR ANYTHING. THAT'S NOT A QUESTION. WHY CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT IT? WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED IN IT? WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BECAUSE... I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU. YOU ARE? YEAH. I MEAN, SHOULD I NOT BE? WELL, IT'S KIND OF OUT OF MY CONTROL, SO... WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT? WHAT ARE YOU AFTER? YOU. OH, SHIT. DOES, UH, DOES YOUR HEAD HURT? YOU WANT SOME OF THESE? ITHELPS. I WANT YOU TO ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS FIRST, AND THEN I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU. WHYDIDYOUCOMEHERE ? I'M NOT GONNA TALK TO YOU. OKAY. ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE NOT GONNA USE THAT. HOW DO YOU KNOW? JUST A FEELING YOU GET. WHATFEELING? FEAR. ANDYOU'RENOTAFRAID RIGHT NOW? NO. WHATABOUTNOW? DOYOUKNOWHOW MUCH THIS HURTS? YEAH, WELL, I DO. WHY DID YOU COME HERE? FOR INFORMATION. WHATINFORMATION? ANYTHING I COULD FIND. OR GET OUT OF YOU. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. YOU'DBESURPRISED WHAT YOU KNOW. DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO CLAIRE? HUH? DID YOU DO SOMETHING TO HER? YOU THINK I KNOW SOMETHING? WE'RE THE SAME, DAVID. WE'RE BOTH LOOKING FOR THE SAME THING. YEAH? WHAT? HER. HEY, DAVID. HEY. CAN I COME IN? YEAH, UH-- JESUS CHRIST. YEAH. SORRY ABOUT... THE MESS. I DID SOME DIGGING AROUND LIKE YOU ASKED. CALLED IN SOME FAVORS. WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN? SHE WAS LYING TO YOU. OKAY. SHE DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL IN BOULDER. SHE DIDN'T GROW UP IN SALT LAKE CITY, EITHER. FOUND NO RECORD OF HER PARENTS THERE. WHY WOULD CLAIRE LIE ABOUT THAT? I MEAN, I'M LOOKING INTO IT, BUT LISTEN, THIS GIRL'S FUCKED UP. YOU KNOW, SHE WAS CLEARLY A PART OF SOMETHING OR SHE JUST WASN'T WHO YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS. NO, NOT REALLY. NO, I PAID FOR A LOT OF THINGS, BUT, YOU KNOW, SHE JUST DIDN'T MAKE THAT MUCH. RIGHT. LOOK, I THINK THE BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO IS TO PUT HER OUT OF YOUR HEAD, MOVE ON. FUCKIN' CATS. IT'S JUST CLUMSY. HEY, YOU KNOW, THANKS FOR YOUR HELP. LOOK, IF ANYTHING ELSE POPS UP, I'LL LET YOU KNOW. HEY, HEY, HEY. COME ON. ALL RIGHT. HOW DO YOU KNOW CLAIRE? I DON'T KNOW HER. WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR HER? OPEN MY SHIRT. WHAT? OPEN MY SHIRT. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY, OPEN MY SHIRT. PULL IT OPEN. THERE'S TWO MORE IN MY STOMACH. SHE DIDN'T EXPECT ME TO LIVE. NO. NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT. CLAIRE COULDN'T-- CLAIRE? EVE IS WHAT SHE CALL HERSELF. IT WAS MY BROTHER SHE WAS AFTER. HE WASN'T AS LUCKY I WAS. THEY MET IN A BAR IN CHICAGO. HE PICK HER UP. THE HOTEL MARLAINA. YOU KNOW IT? YEAH. IT'S NICE. ALSOA GOODPLACETOGO IFYOU'RELOOKINGTOPICK UP HIGH-END WHORE. ANDHEWAS. NOTMYBROTHER'S TYPICAL TASTE, BUT... SHE PUT A KNIFE IN HIM. DO YOU HAVE ANY BROTHERS? WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU FOUND HER? WHAT WOULD YOU DO? MY PEOPLE ARE GOING TO COME LOOKING FOR ME SOON. GOOD. THEN THEY CAN CUT YOU LOOSE. OH. HOW MUCH IS THIS? THEY'RENOTGOINGTOBEHAPPY WITH WHAT YOU'VE DONE. WELL, MAYBE YOU CAN PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR ME. ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? ALEKSANDER. ALEKSANDER. I'M DAVID. LET'S HOPE WE NEVER MEET AGAIN. ONE TICKET TO VANCOUVER, PLEASE. HERE WE ARE. LOTS OF LIGHT. - MM. - JUST PAINTED. YEAH, IT'S-- IT'S WONDERFUL. ALLTHESEHOUSES WERE BUILT IN THE '20S. THISONE'S1916. BOUGHTTHISPLACE AND THE ONE NEXT DOOR ABOUTTENYEARSAGO , FIXED 'EM UP. PLEASE, TAKE A LOOK AROUND. DAVID: SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? CLAIRE: I LIKE IT. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - HERE. I'M JUST SHOWING YOU HOW TO DO IT RIGHT. I LIKE HOW I DO IT. YEAH, BUT IT'S WRONG. IT'S NOT GONNA LOOK AS GOOD. I KNOW HOW TO PAINT. MMM, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU DO. OH? GONNA BE AN ASSHOLE? HEY, I'M NEVER AN ASSHOLE. RIGHT NOW YOU ARE. MMM, NOT REALLY. I'M JUST KINDA, YOU KNOW, BEING NORMAL. WELL, AGREE TO DISAGREE, I GUESS. BABY, WE JUST HAVE SO MUCH TO DO, AND THE CEILING IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL DO THE CEILING. YOU JUST RELAX. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO THE CEILING. WHY NOT? BECAUSE IT'S GONNA BE ALL MESSY AND BAD. LIKE YOUR WALL, WHICH... SUCKS. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA DO THE CEILING RIGHT NOW, - AND IT'S GONNA BE INCREDIBLE. OKAY. IF YOU SAY SO. YEAH. MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO HAVE A BEER. YOU'RE GETTING VERY WORKED UP ABOUT THE PAINT JOB. HEY. WORD. GREAT. I'M ALL ABOUT THAT. YEAH, YEAH. DAVID,I 'MDONE. WOW. THAT'S, UH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. YOU MIND? DAVID: THIS IS GONNA BE HELL TO PAINT OVER. TOMORROW. OKAY. GIMME YOUR HAND. I DON'T GET IT. "SARAH?" IT'S A JOKE. ISN'T SARAH THE NAME OF THE WAITRESS THAT YOU LIKE AT WHAT'S-IT-CALLED? WHAT? SOPHIE'S? IS HER NAME SARAH? YEAH, RIGHT? IT'S A JOKE. AH, IT'S INCREDIBLY HILARIOUS. MUCH BETTER. YEAH. DAVID: SO I GOT SORT OF A STRANGE QUESTION. DO YOU, UH... RECOGNIZE THIS GUY? YOU KNOW WHO HE IS? WHAT'S THIS ABOUT? WELL, I, UM, I GOT THESE PHOTOS OFF AN OLD CAMERA THAT I BOUGHT, AND I THOUGHT MAYBE I COULD GET THEM BACK TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER. ANY IDEAS? THAT'S MR. GARAN. MR. GARAN. DOES HE WORK HERE? HEUSEDTO . MR.GARANPASSED FIVE YEARS AGO. HEWASAGOODMAN. ALL RIGHT. WELL, I'M SORRY TO-- SORRY TO HEAR THAT. THANK YOU. DO YOU KNOW, WAS HE MARRIED? DAVID: HELLO. MY NAME IS DAVID. ARE YOU A REPORTER? NO, NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT. LOOK, THIS IS A LITTLE HARD TO EXPLAIN, BUT, UM... MY- - MY GIRLFRIEND, SHE DISAPPEARED A LITTLE OVER A YEAR AGO, AND EVER SINCE THEN, I, UM-- LOOK, I'M- - I'M SORRY. I JUST KNOW THAT SHE SPENT A LOT OF TIME HERE IN VANCOUVER BEFORE I KNEW HER, AND I KNOW THAT SHE WAS REALLY INTERESTED IN YOUR- - IN YOUR HUSBAND. LOOK, I'M JUST GRASPING AT STRAWS HERE, AND I JUST-- DO YOU-- DO YOU RECOGNIZE HER? I MET A LOT OF PEOPLE WITH RICHARD. - I'M SORRY. - WELL, HER NAME WAS-- I DON'T KNOW HER. I'M VERY SORRY. GOOD LUCK. AGH! AAH! HEY! HEY, HEY, HEY! NO, STOP! STOP! PLEASE! OH... - STOP! NO, PLEASE! HELP ME! HELP ME! NO, NO, NO! PLEASE! - DON'T MOVE! - GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES! DOWN ON YOUR KNEES! WHERE ARE WE GOING? - GET OUT. DAVID, HOW DO YOU DO? JOHN HALL. THANKS, GUYS. I APOLOGIZE, WE MUST HAVE FRIGHTENED YOU. WHAT DO YOU WANT? I WANNA TALK TO YOU. AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? I WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT. DEFENSE. I TELL YA... I DON'T USUALLY GO IN FOR THIS NATURE SHIT, BUT GOD DAMN. THIS IS SOMETHING, HUH? TAKE A LOOK AT THAT. MAKES YOUR HEART GO. YEAH, YOU'RE LOOKING FOR YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND. YOU KNEW HER, I GUESS? YES. I'M HERE TO ANSWER A FEW OF YOUR QUESTIONS. THE ONES I CAN, AT LEAST. GIVE YOU SOME CLOSURE. BUT NONE OF THIS IS GONNA BE EASY, DAVID. OKAY? CLAIRE WORKED FOR US IN A VARIETY OF CAPACITIES. LIKE WHAT? MMM, IT WAS REQUIRED THAT SHE ESTABLISH A COVER, A LIFE, ONE THAT WOULD ALLOW FOR A GREAT DEAL OF TRAVEL, ONE THAT WOULDN'T DRAW A LOT OF ATTENTION. SO, WHERE IS SHE? JULY OF LAST YEAR, SHE WAS CALLED IN FOR AN ASSIGNMENT. SHE WAS KILLED IN ACTION 36 HOURS LATER. I'M SORRY, DAVID. NO. SEE, YOU'RE LYING. THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I REALLY AM SORRY TO TELL YOU. OKAY. OKAY, WELL, DO YOU HAVE ANY-- ANY PROOF, HUH? OF ANY OF THIS? I MEAN, YOU'RE SO INTERESTED IN GIVING ME CLOSURE. OPEN THIS IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT I'VE SEEN WHAT'S INSIDE, AND I WOULDN'T, IF I WERE YOU. I MEAN IT. WE NEED YOU TO STOP DIGGING AROUND HER PAST, DAVID. SHE HANDLED SENSITIVE MATERIAL. SENSITIVE SITUATIONS THAT DON'T NEED STIRRING BY YOUR INEXPERT HANDS. IT'S DANGEROUS. FOR YOU, FOR ALL OF US. JUST LET IT GO, OKAY? YOU'RE STILL ON THE OUTSIDE. STAY THERE. ICAN'TGUARANTEE YOUR SAFETY OTHERWISE. TAKEYOURTIME. HEY! BABE! HEY. HEY, CLAIRE. BABE. BABE. LET ME IN. WHAT'S WRONG? CLAIRE. ANSWER ME. CLAIRE, OPEN THE DOOR. - - CLAIRE, OPEN THE DOOR, PLEASE? CL- - CLAIRE! CLAIRE! HEY. HEY, HEY. OH... AH, JESUS CHRIST. OH, MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED? I GOT MUGGED. I WAS STUPID, I- - I TRIED TO FIGHT BACK. NO, NO, NO, NO. HEY, HEY, HEY. HEY. COME HERE. OH, MY GOD, I'M SO SORRY. DAVID: SO, WHAT WAS HER NAME? WAS IT CLAIRE? CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? WHAT BROUGHT YOU TO GARAN'S HOUSE? JUST PHOTOS. OLD PHOTOS SHE HAD BEFORE I KNEW HER. REGULAR PHILIP MARLOWE, AM I RIGHT? SO, WHO WAS HE? YOUTELLME . SOME RICH VENTURE CAPITALIST? THAT'S RIGHT. WEEKENDS, HE LIKED TO PUT ON A RED HOOD, CONVINCE DISCONTENTED TEENS TO JOIN THE CAUSE OF WHITE SUPREMACY. HEPUTENOUGHCASH IN THE RIGHT POCKETS TOKEEPTHATFACTSECRET. SO WHAT, YOU JUST... HAD HIM KILLED? RICHARD GARAN DIED OF A HEART ATTACK. OH, YEAH. I HAD A RUN IN WITH SOME COLUMBIAN MERCENARIES A COUPLE YEARS BACK. MORE METAL THAN MAN AT THIS POINT. THAT MUST'VE BEEN A LONG RECOVERY. OOF. TWO YEARS PHYSICAL THERAPY BEFORE I STOPPED WALKING LIKE A ZOMBIE FROM THOSE BAD MOVIES. WHAT,WEREYOU,LIKE, ON CRUTCHES FORA WHILEOR SOMETHING? A CANE. YOU SAID YOU HAVE THOSE PHOTOS ON YOUR COMPUTER? YOUMIND IF I TAKE A LOOK? DID I SAY THAT? YEAH. YOU MIND IF I TAKE A LOOK? NO, UM... THANKS. HMM. I'MASKINGMYSELF,"WHYISHE SO INTERESTED IN MY REHAB?" BUT I REALIZED, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN COMPLETELY HONEST WITH ME, HAVE YOU? DAVID... WHERE ARE THE NEGATIVES? NO. REALLY? SON OF A BITCH. IT'S AMAZING HOW THINGS CHANGE SO QUICK. WHAT WAS IT, A MINUTE AGO, 80 SECONDS TOPS, YOU MADE THAT COMMENT ABOUT MY LEG AND TIPPED YOUR HAND. YOUWEREGONNAGOHOME , LIVE A LIFE, MEETA GIRLPROBABLY, HAVE A COUPLE KIDS. SHE'S STILL ALIVE. HMM? SHE'S ALIVE. ISN'T SHE? SHE'S DEAD. TAKE THIS LEFT. WHERE'D YOU GET THAT? LET ME OUT. HERE. PULL OVER! NO, DON'T-- DON'T PULL OVER, MICHAEL. WHAT A MESS. NOTHING'SGONEAS IINTENDED, NOT ONE THING. HEY. HEY. I TRIED YOU AT THE- - THE DARKROOM. I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON. MMM. HOWWASIT? IT WAS FINE. DID YOU BRING ANYTHING BACK? NO. THERE WASN'T ANYTHING GOOD ENOUGH TO SAVE. IS SOMETHING WRONG? I'M JUST TIRED. AND THAT'S THE END OF IT. JUST TIRED, DAVID. WHAT, YOU WANNA HAVE A WHOLE CONVERSATION ABOUT THAT? I JUST HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ALL DAY. IWASWORKING. NO, I, UH, I KNOW. YOU'VE BEEN WORKING EVERY NIGHT FOR THE PAST THREE WEEKS. IHAVEN'TSEENYOU . I'MSORRYTHATIWANNAHAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOU - WHEN I DO. - YEAH, WELL, I'M SORRY THAT I WANNA SLEEP WHEN I'M TIRED. WOW, YOU'RE- - YOU'RE BEING SUCH A BITCH RIGHT NOW. WHAT? FUCK YOU. HEY. HEY, DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH WHAT... HAPPENED? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DOES WHAT HAVE TO DO WITH IT? THE FACT THAT YOU WON'T SPEAK TO ME, THAT YOU'RE A MILLION MILES AWAY AND I CAN'T BRING YOU BACK. DON'T BE SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN. I'M RIGHT HERE. THEN WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE AS CLOSE AS I GET TO YOU, - I'M NOT EVEN-- - I DON'T KNOW, DAVID. MAYBE I'M BROKEN THAT WAY. MAYBE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. IT SURE FUCKING SEEMS LIKE IT, CLAIRE. YEAH,WELL... I'M GLAD THAT WE FIGURED THAT OUT. I'M GONNA GO TO SLEEP. ALL RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT. CAN I HELP YOU? HI, UM... I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE. OKAY. IT'S ABOUT DANA. HAVE A- - HAVE A SEAT. THANKS. OH, DID YOU GET MARRIED? YEAH. ELISE. YEAR AGO NEXT WEEK. SO... SO... YOU AND DANA. SHE WENT MISSING FIVE YEARS AGO? YEAH. VANISHED. YOU TWO WERE HAPPY? I DON'T KNOW. I THOUGHT WE WERE. WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT? I'M SORRY. I MET HER... ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO. WHERE? LOS ANGELES. IS SHE, UH... SHE'S GONE. IT WAS A BAD CAR ACCIDENT. IT WAS ABOUT A YEAR AGO. AND EVER SINCE THEN, I... STARTED LOOKING INTO HER PAST, WHICH LED ME TO YOU. AND I JUST THOUGHT THAT YOU'D WANT TO KNOW, JUST SO YOU COULD STOP LOOKING... IN CASE YOU WERE. YEAH. FUCK, I'M... UH, I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T-- I DIDN'T EXPECT TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS TODAY. SHE TALK ABOUT ME? SHE DIDN'T TELL ME MUCH ABOUT HER PAST. SOUNDS LIKE HER. I DID LOOK FOR HER FOR A WHILE, BUT WHO WALKS OUT LIKE THAT? MAY- - MAYBE I WAS AN ASSHOLE? I THINK ABOUT IT. I THINK MAYBE I- - MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE TOO HARD ON HER. SHE JUST- - YOU KNOW, WE JUST WEREN'T A GOOD MATCH. DOESN'T MEAN YOU WALK OUT, THOUGH. YOU DON'T LET A PERSON WONDER, EVEN IF SHE HATED ME. SHE DIDN'T. I'M CERTAIN SHE LOVED YOU. YOU CAN'T FAKE THAT. WELL, THIS IS ALL I HAVE. DANA TOOK THOSE. WELL, LISTEN, I APPRECIATE YOU COMING, BUT I SHOULD GET TO WORK. OF COURSE, YEAH. HEY, CHARLIE. THIS GUY HERE. THAT'S KYLE. THAT'SDANA'SFRIEND FROM- - FROM HOME. THAT'SKYLE. YOU TWO STAY IN TOUCH? IMEAN, NOT REALLY SINCE SHE LEFT. WETALKEDAFEW TIMES, BUT YOU KNOW. YOU GOT A NUMBER FOR HIM? I'D LIKE TO REACH OUT. DAVID: HEY, KYLE. OR BUCK. OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR NAME IS. THIS IS DAVID LARRAINE. YEAH, I GOT YOUR NUMBER, FUCKSHIT, AND, HEY, LISTEN, YOU KNOW THAT THING YOU WERE LOOKING FOR AT MY PLACE? WELL,GUESSWHAT? I HAVE IT. IFYOUWANTIT, YOU'RE GONNA MEET ME ONTHESOUTHWESTCORNER OF BLAKE AND VAN NUYS THEMORNINGOF THESIXTH, 3:00 A.M. COMEALONE, AND, I DON'T KNOW, BRINGA MILLIONDOLLARS WITH YOU. IFNOT,THESEPICTURES ARE GOING EVERYWHERE, ANDI HAVEAFEELING IF THAT HAPPENS, YOU'REGONNAWINDUP IN A DITCH SOMEPLACE. AMI RIGHT? SEEYOUFRIDAY. HELLO? HEY, ALEKSANDER. THIS IS DAVID LARRAINE. IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHERE EVE IS, I'M MEETING HER AT 3:00 A.M. SHE'LL BE IN A BLACK SUV PARKED IN A LOT ON THE SOUTH SIDE OF VAN NUYS JUST EAST OF BLAKE. SHE'S ALL YOURS. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? SHIT. MAN: WHERE IS SHE? - BUCK: DAVID? - THROW YOUR PHONE IN THE GUTTER AND HEAD UP VAN NUYS, ENTER THE PARKING STRUCTURE. ONTHELEFT, THERE'LL BE A CAR PARKED WITHITSDOOROPEN. GET IN. I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE. OKAY? I WILL GO AWAY, AND YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN. I HAVE WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, BUT YOU'RE NEVER GONNA FIND IT. IF I DIE, EVERYBODY FINDS IT. THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS. HOW DOES IT WORK? YOU ARE JUST A SCARED GUY WHO THREW ME IN THE BACK OF A BLACKED-OUT BEEMER. WE'RE SOMETHING ELSE. WE'RE A DIFFERENT CATEGORY OF PERSON. YOU WANNA KEEP THOSE PICTURES AS AN INSURANCE POLICY? PEOPLE LIKE I WORK FOR CAN'T LIVE WITH THAT IN THIS WORLD. IF I DIE, THEY GET OUT. TO WHO, DAVID? HMM? YOU HAVEN'T THOUGHT THIS THROUGH. THENEWYORKTIMES? THEY WON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE. I'M SORRY, DAVID. SARAH WAS A THREAT. YOU ARE JUST A LOOSE END. AND THERE IS A BULLET COMING YOUR WAY RIGHT NOW. IT IS CUTTING THROUGH THIS WORLD, AND IT CAN ONLY END UP IN ONE PLACE. NO. I'LL FIND A WAY. YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME, BUCK. YOU HAVE EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. MM, NO, NOT THIS TIME. SMART, BLACKING OUT THE WINDOWS, NO ONE CAN SEE IN. TROUBLE IS, YOU CAN'T SEE OUT, EITHER. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S COMING. - OUT OF THE CAR! GET OUT OF THE CAR! - HAND IN THE AIR! ONE THE GROUND! DON'T MOVE! DON'T FUCKING-- ARE YOU MAD? COME HERE. HAVE I REALLY BEEN A MILLION MILES AWAY? MM-HMM. I GOT LOST. IT HAPPENS NOW AND THEN. OKAY. BUT YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME OUT THERE, THOUGH. YOU GOTTA BRING ME BACK. I ALWAYS WILL. PROMISE? NO MATTER WHAT. DAVID. WE MEET AGAIN. WHERE'S THE FILM? I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU. OKAY. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU'D SAY. I'M GONNA SEND A MAN IN HERE. IT'S HIS JOB TO GET INFORMATION FROM RELUCTANT SOURCES. USUALLY HE'S WORKING WITH TRAINED OPERATIVES WHO'VE BEEN PREPARED FOR SUCH TREATMENT AND WHO BELIEVE IF THEY GIVE UP THE INFORMATION, IT WILL COST MANY OF THEIR COUNTRYMEN THEIR LIVES, NOT TO MENTION COMPROMISE THEIR OWN PLACE IN THE AFTERLIFE. YOU, ON THE OTHER HAND, ARE PROTECTING THE WHEREABOUTS OF A ROLL OF FILM, THE SIGNIFICANCE OF WHICH YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, FOR A DEAD GIRL WHO LIED TO YOU, USEDYOU, AND MADE A FOOL OF YOU. ANYWAY, I'M GONNA WALK OUT. HE'S GONNA COME IN, AND IN A FEW MINUTES, HE'S GONNA LEAVE WITH WHAT HE CAME FOR. ORYOUCOULDTELLMENOW, SPARE YOURSELF THE DISCOMFORT. ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE VERY BRAVE, DAVID. I ADMIRE THAT. TRULY. THANKS FOR COMING. DAVID? MY NAME'S DAVID. WHERE'S THE FILM? I DON'T- - I DON'T HAVE IT. WHERE'S THE FILM? I DON'T HAVE IT. I DON'T HAVE IT. I DON'T-- PLEASE, PLEASE, STOP! STOP! STOP! WHERE'S THE FILM? STOP! ST-- WHAT'S GOING ON? - DO NOT MOVE! DAVID. WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WHY DID THEY DO THIS? I CAME LOOKING FOR YOU. I JUST GOT SO CLOSE. HOW? THE FILM IN THE GARDEN. YOUR FILM. WHERE IS IT? HOME. IT'S AT OUR HOME. WE HAVE TO-- HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE. WAIT, WAIT. DAVID, THERE'S NO TIME FOR THAT. WE GOTTA GO. YOU CAN USE ONE OF THESE? COME ON. - ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? - YEAH. COME ON. DAVID: JESUS CHRIST. DAMN IT. SHIT. WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. GET OUT! SHIT. STAY HERE. OH, SHIT. OH, SHIT. GET OFF THE BIKE! OFF THE BIKE! GET OUT OF HERE, COME ON. COME ON, LET'S GO! CLAIRE: WHERE IS IT, DAVID? THE FILM? IN THE MAIL. WELL, THAT'S NOT GOOD. WHAT IS IT? IT'S PROOF THAT HALL HAD BEEN TURNED. I couldn't. I wanted to, when I first got back, but then you were hurt and it was never the right time. Erm... Why would you tell me now? Because I need your help. (MELLOW JAZZ IN BACKGROUND) Are you Billy? -Have we met? -Lucky guess. Have a seat. Where's Rossi? He's not in Paris. He sent me in his place. I'm Simone Brusseau. Monsieur Rossi and I work for the same newspaper and occasionally share my bed. I think you met my aunt at Monsieur Trouvier's château. The Contessa de Luciano. So you're how he wrangled that invitation? -Shall we sit? -Mm. -So why did he leave Paris this time? -He went to Berlin, to convince a source to let him use his name for a story. Same story he delivered to me? -Did you read it? -I did, but I didn't have to. So how long have you known Monsieur Rossi? For five years. So you met during the war, in Paris? You look surprised. He's been stirring this pot for a long time. There aren't too many Americans nowadays hungry to write stories about collaborators. Justice doesn't have a nationality. The man you were going after designs pretty dresses. Seems like a strange target to me. I thought you came here with something significant. I did. I don't think any story should be written until you have all the facts. I'll stop talking when my friend arrives. Your friend? Look, I don't know Paul Sabine that well. But I do know this: people are complicated. They're capable of doing something cowardly at 9:00am, then something heroic an hour later. Newspapers are black and white, but people come in all shades of grey, don't they? Who is this person you've asked to join us? She's the new face for Paul Sabine. And you should hear what she has to say before you try him in a court of public opinion. You may end up looking foolish. What has your boss offered you to make you so loyal? Sorry I'm late. May I join you? Yeah, of course. This is Marianne Perrault... the premier d'atelier. She's worked closely with Monsieur Sabine for... What? ...seven years now. Ten. Longer than anyone else there. Holy fuck! You scared me. -How is she? -She fell asleep five minutes after I got here. It felt like my third honeymoon all over again. I'm sure she was just honoured to have you here at all. No, honey. Nobody should be in these places alone. The last time I was, Charlotte never left my side. Well, I'm betting this one is out for the night. I saw a cute little spot just around the corner that might stock a vodka that won't strip off paint. What do you say? Er...no. No. I'm... I don't think so. I'm going to stay here tonight, I think. -She might wake up. -Who knew? The little brother's a prince too. Tell her I was here and... I don't know, I got evicted by a jealous nun and I shall stop by tomorrow. (DOOR OPENS) (DOOR CLOSES) (ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) How long have I been in here? Erm...just a couple of days. Since Saturday night. You've been here the whole time? No. No, I just... An hour or so. I've brought you some books. Why? Not sure. (SIGHS) My face itches. -Don't scratch it. -Why? Has most of it gone? No. No, I'm sure it's all still there. (POURS WATER) Your mother was right, you know. Hm? She read my cards before the show. She saw this coming. She told me that we don't get what we want, we get what we deserve. You know it was me, right? I burned the dress. I shoved the light under the wedding gown. Mm. Your brother took that away from me. He punished me and took away what was mine. Don't worry about that. (DOMINIQUE SIGHS) * MOZART: Don Giovanni Monsieur Sabine has a gift for making us see something new in what's familiar. CLAUDE: The President's office is searching for a designer to dress the world. Where do you think you'd be without him? I wouldn't dare interrupt your legion of admirers. Bravo! You have raised it to a whole new level. -(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) -You devil. Nobody else would have thought of that. Timing makes the hero and this is Paul Sabine's time. (LAUGHTER) No. No! -Why are you doing this? -(LAUGHTER) Leave me alone! -(DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS) -Please. (ECHOING SHOUTS) (ECHOING SHOUTS) No! Stop! Monsieur? (SIGHS) What are you doing here? I was just... I left my keys in the darkroom. Are you here alone? I thought I was. Look, if you want me to stick around, I've got a couple of minutes to-- No. Er...no, don't. Go, please. -I can wait till Paul gets home. -Oh, God, no. Don't be silly. (SNIFFLES) I'll just take a couple of aspirin and climb into bed. Stop diagnosing. It's just a headache. Go get back to the restaurant or Tante Josephine and her friends will think you're using me as an excuse. Maybe I am. What time will he get back? Who, Paul? -I don't know. I'll be fast asleep. -Somehow I don't believe it. You don't need to tell me, Helen, but I sense that something's not quite right between you two. I picked it up at lunch. I'm very sensitive as to how people tear their bread. It's another diagnosis. I took you in when you fled one bad situation and you know I would gladly do the same again. I can't bear to see you unhappy. Is there someone else in his life? There was. It's over. -Well, as your grandmother used to say-- -I'm not walking away. -I can't. -Why? Because, if it happens twice, you think everyone will be convinced there's something wrong with you? Because he needs me. Well, I hope he realises that before it's too late. Don't sleep in your jewellery. You'll hurt yourself. (CHUCKLES) (THUNDER RUMBLES) Marianne? I er... I just wanted to say thank you for showing up last night. You know, it was never my intention to involve you in any of this. -I only asked Nina-- -I went there so Nina wouldn't have to. Well, I'm sure Monsieur Sabine would be very grateful if he knew. Now, I can't guarantee that they won't print that story-- Let them print what they want. At least the truth is out there. It was time to speak. Secrets can eat at your seams. Still...it was brave. Billy, I know you love her but be patient. She lost her ability to trust others a long time ago. It may take a while for her to learn how to again. Morning. I changed out the buttons. The new ones are sapphire enamel. They'll look lovely with her eyes. Thank you. What is this? My mother worked in a laundry when I was growing up. She makes this herself. Heals your hands. Don't ask me what's in it. It-It smells like lavender, but it may involve chicken feed. Please, just take it. I love this. The cascading ribbons. It's a nice touch. Donna Elvira shedding her youth. Is that what you're going for? No, actually. I felt gutted by that point. The thought would be intestines. Is this the Commander? Did you ask Marianne to order more material for De Seis' dress? -Good morning, Claude. -Good morning, Helen. Did you? Was this after yesterday's conversation or before? -Which is it? -The client cannot wear that dress as designed. It needs to be modified. And who the hell are you to modify anything? Is this because Eliette, whatever she wrote in her silly little rag, called you a prince, a merchant of happiness? Cos you cannot even sew on a bloody button. -Claude-- -What? What? CLAUDE: You're nothing more than a salesman. You are a hustler. You just flatter spoiled, insecure women and then you strut around here like a peacock when you are nothing more than a fucking monkey! -Helen, would you excuse us, please? -Don't go! Don't go! She knows the truth. Actually, so do some of your prize staff, -one of whom offered me a way out yesterday. -(GROANS) A chance to get out of here before I am crushed by the wheels of your ambition. Charlotte is not in a position to make anyone offers. Why? Cos they weren't sanctioned by you? Stop it. She's using you to punish-- I know exactly who's using me, Helen. -You're a little late to the party. -No, no. Wait! What did she offer you? A label that needs resuscitating. And I'm eager to help cos I've raised the dead before, haven't I? Nina? Have you spoken to Claude today? Why? The girls upstairs are whispering. Juliette tells me that Charlotte's leaving to work for another house and Monsieur's brother's going with her. Claude can't leave here. Who's going to design the...? Where did he say he was going? -Paul, where is Claude? -I don't know. I don't care. Let him go. I am tired of appeasing and begging! (SOFTLY) Lower your voice. The stench of desperation is already seeping out through that door. Your staff don't need to hear it too. I'll bring your brother back. You go downstairs and toss that conniving whore back into the sewer she crawled out of. And shake out her bag too. She's out to steal more than your brother. I need to be alone right now. You need him! If you can't give these clients something extraordinary, the invitations will disappear. They'll stop showing up. You'll be stranded because, at the end of the day, you're a dressmaker. You furnish supplies. I know. (TELEPHONE RINGS) -This is Paul Sabine. -Good afternoon, Monsieur. This is Inspector Bompard. How are you? Very well, thank you, Inspector. -What can I do for you? -Well, I know you're a busy man. But I wonder if you could spare me a few minutes tomorrow. -Tomorrow? -Yes, I'll be in Paris. And I'd prefer to do this in person. What's this regarding? It'll be easier to explain once I'm there, monsieur. I promise not to take up too much of your precious time. May I look in my book and ring you back, Inspector? Of course. I'll stand by for your call. What did he want? Paul? Paul? subtitle by peritta We are getting killed out there! That jury is ice-cold. The board doesn't think the jury's the problem. They think it's you. Excuse me? They think your defense is too complicated. It's confusing the jurors. And how would the board know what's in the heads of my jury? They have research, Mitch! Fool-proof research. I don't think I need to tell you where the board can stick their research. DEVIN: Would it kill us to simplify it a little bit? Why do you have to be so stubborn? Hey. Give the board what they want, Mitch. They're saying you can't grind on this one. I always grind! And it always works. If I start soft-pedaling it to this jury, they will turn on us, like that. They already have. The people, too. They're walking out. Mitch, it's not working. We are as desperate as we've ever been. We need to present a case that anyone can understand, even if they know nothing. Something so simple, you barely even have to be awake to understand it. Please. Just this once. For me. For the firm, Mitch. So what happens in the next one? Do you listen to the board and soft-pedal the jury? Uh, something tells me he doesn't. Why? Because they don't get it. They're not looking into the eyes of the jury. They're up in their ivory towers looking down on the people, and underestimating them. Yeah, but don't you think the board might have some insight into what a jury would want? Stew, the jury doesn't want to be spoon-fed. The jury wants to do some work on their own. They don't just want it to be easy to understand? Not when they're in a Mitch Grinder jury box. - Who ended up being right? - Well, I won, so. You never even tried to make it just a little less complicated? You know, one time, do what the board asks for? I think it might be easier for everyone. Dad, that's not what The Grinder stands for. Is it, Uncle Dean? No, it's not. And I'm disappointed in your father for even suggesting it. Me, too. What a day. What... a... day. What? I remember where I was when I got the call that my little brother was hanging up his cleats and getting married. Oh! - Today. - That's right. - It's our anniversary. - It is. - Happy anniversary, honey. - Happy anniversary. W-w-wait a... Wait a minute. You didn't forget, did you? - I didn't. I didn't forget. - No. Well, I didn't. Because, you were like, "Oh, today's the day." And then you kissed like you were trying to cover something. I-I forgot the, um, our phone call. - Oh, yeah, that's right. - Oh, yeah. 'Cause, it was a lot of years ago. And I was so excited about getting married on that day. Yep. For what it's worth, it feels like you both forgot. - And you're both lying about it. - Same boat. Same boat. So you got big plans? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I wanted it to be a surprise, uh, so I-I-I wasn't going to say anything, but now that Dean brought it up, I have reservations, uh, for dinner for us, - uh, this weekend. - Really? - Mm-hmm. - Where? - Thank you, Ethan. - Mm-hmm. Uh, I... the name of the... it's downtown. And it's called, um, uh, Trattoria, uh, Perlagenté. Ooh. Trattoria Perlagenté. Well played, Stew bear. - Yeah. - Yeah, that's pretty impressive. That place has, like, a two-month waiting list. - Yeah. - Is that... is it... - Months. Mm-hmm. - That makes sense. That's how long ago I made the reservation. It was, uh, two months. Wow. All right, so, Mom, what did you do for Dad? For him? I got a crazy present. I cannot wait to give it to you. - You got me a gift? - I did. I-I look forward to opening it. I look forward to eating at a restaurant where we definitely have a reservation. And I can't believe that I doubted for one second the power of your love. - (doorbell rings) - Mmm. - You expecting somebody? - Uh, no. - I'm not. - Are you? Mom. Stewart. What a surprise. Hi. - Oh, my gosh. - Lenore. - Debbie. Oh. - Hi. - Grandma, what are you doing here? - My babies. (kissing) (chuckles) Hello, Dean. Mother. Hmm. Oh, I have so missed my little angel prince. I'm still your angel prince. Uh, we just weren't expecting you. - Well, I wanted it to be a surprise. - Good job. We are definitely surprised. - Where's Pop Pop? - LENORE: Sweetie. Nigel is 45. He doesn't really like to be called - Pop Pop. - Sorry. Did you hear about Grandpa's malpractice case? Yes, I did. I did. That's why I'm here. You heard about the case in Paris? (groans) It's so much bigger than I thought. Well, Mom, you don't have to worry, because Stew and I are both handling Dad's defense. Oh, God, please tell me he's not still pretending to be a lawyer. Eh... That depends on whether you think a certified legal intern with in-court speaking privileges, is pretending. - I do. - Then I guess I am. So that, uh, show... it won't take you back? (sighs) It was never about that, Mom. Of course, there's really no need since Timothy Olyphant is so fabulous. - You know, Mom, we should get your bags... - Take your things upstairs. Okay, everybody just sit down. You don't think Timothy Olyphant is that fabulous. You're just trying to rub my nose in it, because you've never approved of my lifestyle choices. Because you ran off to Hollywood to chase some pipe dream, instead of settling down... Settling down like my brother. Well, I'm engaged. Is this true? Yeah. Yeah, I mean... T-tell... yeah. - So engaged. - Sure. Yeah. No, we're still all just - kind of processing it. - That's true. Oh, Deanie! - Finally. - Huh? Well, who is she? Tell me everything. Her name's Claire. - Oh, no. - Oh, not that. Well, I'm excited to meet her. LENORE: I always did enjoy this view. Well, I'll be damned. Hello, Dean. Hello, Lenore. What are you doing here? I came to visit my family. How's Nigel? He's wonderful. So you seeing anyone? Uh, yeah. Here and there. Nothing serious. I definitely got some irons in the fire. Well, good for you. No, I understand you have no tables, Alex, but as I was saying, this is kind of a special occasion for me, and I'm in a bit of a pinch, so... (groans) Hung up. - So you did forget. - I totally forgot. - And you lied about it. - Yeah. And now you're scrambling, - 'cause that place is booked. - You nailed it. Do you want me to make a call? Yes. Would you do that? - Maybe. Depends. - On what? On your willingness to do something for me. Well, Dean, I kind of can't say no to you right now. Good. Just a couple things. Pretty easy stuff. Number one: I need you to tell Mom I'm a real lawyer. - Went to law school. Whole thing. - She'll never believe that. - Number two: I'm engaged. - Yeah, about the engagement, Dean. And you need to get Claire onboard, 'cause I can't do it. I've already harassed her enough. I agreed I would stop. Good. No one should be harassing anybody. Good. Good. J-just talk to her. Just tell her she's got to do this or she gets fired or something. Dean, that is the definition of harassment. No, it's not. That's very specific language. That's, "Have sex with me or you're fired." No, that's not it. No, it's a much narrower definition than people realize. I mean, you-you can get away with a lot. Ah, so, Dean may have told our mother that he is engaged, uh, to you. - Oh, come on. - I know. I'm sorry, uh, uh, I panicked. This is harassment. You-you know this, right? - Actually... - It is. 100%. You're absolutely right. Dean, we shouldn't even be here. Claire, please. Don't be annoying about this. It's just until she leaves town. There's no way that I'm pretending to be your fiancée to fool your mother. I was afraid you might take that tact. Stew, do you want to tell her what the repercussions are of that decision? - You're not fired. - You're fired. Oh, God! ♪ Everybody needs a little time away... ♪ LIZZIE: Hey, Grandpa, are you okay? Guys, not now. It's Grandma, isn't it? I thought I said not now. Seeing her again has you all torn up inside. It's written all over your face. Yeah? So what? Go after her. Give her your heart. Are you nuts? I don't want her back. I just want her to hate herself. Because she's moved on and you haven't? Emotions are still raw, huh? Yeah, I guess they are. Grandpa? Let us help you. I mean, (scoffs) damn it. This isn't... (scoffs) DEAN: Ooh, I know that sound. That is the sound of frustration that only shows its face when you're online shopping. What are you talking about? You didn't get him a gift, did you? - Uh, yeah, I did. - Then show it to me. - What did you get him? - No, I... uh... Okay, I didn't... I didn't get him anything. because I can't think of what to get him. Please don't say anything. I think he should know. What do you want? Okay, so Stew was unable to convince Claire to pretend to be my fiancée, so I need you to back up the story with my mom. How? I mean, if Claire says you're not engaged, isn't it over? No. Not if my mom thinks Claire was intimidated into hiding the engagement. - By whom? - Todd. Her jealous ex-boyfriend. Of course. How did I not see that coming? He's a danger to himself. - Uh-huh. - And others. Dean, don't you think that's a little convoluted? Fine. - Stew! - No, no, no, no. (whispering): No. I'll do it. - STEWART: What? - I'm in. Uh, I just wanted to say good night. STEWART: Okay. Good night. Love you. Love you! STEWART: Love you too. (door opens) - Who's your father dating? - What? He already told me there's someone. Who is it? I have no idea, Mom. He's not dating anybody. You don't think I can handle it. Why wouldn't you be able to handle it? Nigel left me. Oh, Mom. Really? When? He found out I cheated on him about a month ago. - That you... oh. - Yeah. I'm sorry to hear that. It was a rough week. But I'm moving on. Oh, you want to get back together with Dad. No, I'm... I'm not getting involved with it, Mom. No way. No way. Okay. I'll try not to get involved in Debbie finding out that you forgot your anniversary. No. I didn't. I didn't forget. - I made a reservation. - Okay. Okay. Mom, wait. What do you want? - And we're live. - What is that thing? Well, it's an app that let's you meet other single adults in your area. Yeah, and that's what's called your profile. Why does that picture have me in my army uniform? LIZZIE: Because you look handsome in it. ETHAN: Grandpa. You're selling yourself to these people. Everybody fudges the facts a little bit. - (computer dings) - Let me see that. Ooh. What did I do? LIZZIE: Oh, okay, so what happened there was you just "liked" Calista. Isn't she a little young? LIZZIE: Well, yeah, if this photo's even accurate. I mean, she probably looks nothing like this. Now what? Now we just wait. And pray to God that she likes you back. (computer dings) What does that mean? That means we're in business. Really? Todd? He always seemed so sweet. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yep, that's what we thought, too. And then we found out that he has been hiding a dark side. Like, a very dark side and sad. Well, that explains why Claire denied it when I congratulated her. Yes. That is... that is exactly why. (thumping) Toner! Darn it! - (door slams) - Oh, my, so Todd is a violent, jealous, maniac. But he still works here? Mm-hmm. Yeah. He's a damn good lawyer. Oh, sorry. I just need to grab something. And I need to grab something, too. (sighs) And it's you. - Wh... why? - It's okay. Deb told me about Todd. What about Todd? Oh, you know... just... how he's your abusive ex, and that's why you couldn't tell Lenore about your engagement to Dean. Seriously? I am so relieved the cat is finally out of the bag. Yeah, I'm very uncomfortable about it all still. Well, it's okay. I won't say anything. And she is a woman of her word. We should celebrate. I want to take you both to dinner. - Oh, that would be great. - Nope, not necessary in the least. I cannot believe that we are eating at this restaurant. Honey, I told you. I've had this reservaysh for months, because our anniversary is very important to me. Uh-huh. And you didn't have any help getting this reservaysh? I'm sorry. Are you implying that I used my older brother to pull strings to get us this table, because I forgot our anniversary? Honey, that is exactly what I'm implying. Or are you projecting, maybe, - because you forgot? - No. Because I don't see a gift anywhere. Uh, yeah, because I wouldn't bring your amazing gift to this restaurant. I'm telling you, it is... - insane. - Oh, I bet. I bet. Hi, uh, Dean Sanderson for three. MANAGER: I'll have a look, sir. - Thanks. - What the...? Uh, Dean. Hi. What are you, uh... what are you doing here? Uh, we're just having dinner. My fiancée, Claire, and-and Mom and I. - I-I told you. - You did tell me, of course. I just... I didn't realize it was out. Yes. What a relief. Deb told me all about Todd. He sounds like a complete lunatic. - Todd is. - Yeah, you know, - that's why I couldn't talk about this - About the... - at the office. - Right. Right. Yes. Crazy Todd. I forgot... I forgot that piece. It's kind of an important piece. ETHAN: I would say, above all, be yourself. What if that's not good enough? That's why we have this earpiece. ETHAN: We got you. - We'll talk you through it. - I don't know. Come on. What could go wrong? Help yourself to anything on the menu. I'm buying. Yeah, I haven't paid for a meal in, like, years. You look a hell of a lot like your picture. Yeah, I took it yesterday. And it looks like yours was maybe taken... A couple of years ago. Yeah. Oh. (laughs) Okay. What the...? Are you okay? My son's here with my ex-wife. So...? Is that my dad? He's here, too. - What is going on tonight? - Oh, my God. That must be that woman he met online. Since when does he know how to get online? Oh, the kids taught him. They made like a profile and... Oh, that's not a woman. That is a girl. That is a young, very hot girl. Really hot. - Like, very hot. - Like, smokin' hot. Okay. We get it. Thank you. DEAN: So, Claire and I were thinking of a June wedding. Isn't that right, sweetheart? Yeah, sure. Well, that's great, dear. She wanted to do it earlier, but I said, this law profession for me is-is the real thing. I can't just up and get married in the middle of legal season. Legal season? Yeah. No, no, no. Absolutely. Lenore, are you okay? I don't believe it. Okay. We lied. What? Wh-What? I'm sorry, what were you talking about? Your father. He's here with that new girlfriend of his. - What were you talking about? - Nothing. He has a girlfriend? Nice pull, Pop. Pull-pop. - Is that doing anything for you? - Not at all. Oh, I get it. You're using me to make your ex jealous. What? No. No, no. I wouldn't... LIZZIE: Okay, it's okay, Grandpa. Calm down. Just tell her that you didn't know - that she was even... - Give me that. Just say this, Grandpa: "Calista, I swear..." ...to God, I had no idea. Is that an earpiece? LIZZIE: Uh, uh, tell her it's a hearing aid. What? - Keep saying "what." - Yeah, and, uh, talk loud. What? ! Is someone telling you what to say through that thing? I think you're talking about my hearing aid, but it's acting up a little bit, and I can't hear you. Stewart, you need to do something. Things are progressing over there. - Huh? ! - STEWART: Mom, they're really not. Besides, this is our anniversary dinner. You know, we do this one night a year. I mean, what do you want him to do? Oh, he knows. Okay. I'm going. Pick up for Todd. One moment, please. Oh, my God. Claire's maniac ex-boyfriend is here. He must have followed us. I cannot believe this is happening. Oh, you said it yourself. He's dangerous. We have to get Claire out of here. Lenore, listen, I got to tell you... - Yes, yes, yes. - Okay. Okay. Dad. Hi. Um, what are you doing here? Well, I'm having dinner with a lady friend. This is Calista. - Hi. - Hi, Calista. Uh, I'm not sure what's going on here, Oh, yeah. It's weird. STEWART: It's totally weird. and maybe it could happen at not here. Um, okay, h-how do I say this? Y-you're doing great. but I-I feel like there are moments where you're a little see-through. Oh, no. Please tell me so that I can fix them. I love that attitude... such a worker bee. It's in your culture, isn't it? I'm sorry, what? Claire, he's here. - Your ex. - Who? You know, your ex. Your crazy ex, Todd, who stalks you. Todd, what are you doing here? I was just picking up some food. Small world, huh? How dare you come here. I mean, open your eyes. Claire has moved on. - She's with Dean now. - What? Claire and I have never been... - (groans) - Dean! Oh, my God. Excuse me, what in the hell is going on here? Th-This man is my fiancée's violent ex-boyfriend, and he was about to attack her. - What? - What happened? Dean just punched Todd. Great shot, Deano. What is happening? Why are you helping him? Dean, you want to answer that? I'm calling the police. - Dean? - What? Don't you think this has gone far enough? What is he talking about? Oh, my face. Mom, I have a confession to make. Todd is not her jealous ex-fiancé. He's just a messenger at the firm. What? I'm a lawyer. And Claire is not my fiancée. Not in the least. DEAN: I lied, because I wanted you to be proud of me. And for a second, I was. I know. It was almost working, but I got caught up in the lies, and then-then I lost myself in it, and I became someone I'm not. I am so very disappointed in you, Dean. I lied, too. I did not make the reservation two months ago. Honey, I completely forgot our anniversary. I know. I lied, too. I also forgot our anniversary. I got something. Calista, that picture of me was taken quite a while ago. I'm actually an old man. Okay. I was trying to make you jealous. Well, it worked. Mom? Nigel left me. I wasn't here for the case. I was here for you. Yeah, it's working! DEAN SR.: I'm flattered, but look at us. We both know this doesn't work. Too complicated. I like complicated. I like simple. Oh, my gosh. DEBBIE: So, this is happening? Right-right next to us. - It's... - (moaning) very passionate. - Bye, Grandma. Come back, soon. - Bye, Sweetie. - Bye, Grandma. - Bye, sweetheart. Mom. - Are you sure you have to go? - I'm afraid so. Yeah, I'm sorry about last night, Mom. That was, uh, unfortunate. Oh, no, Stew. I-I think it was good. I think that the truth brought us all closer together. It sure did. I had sex with your father. - Oh, that's great news. - Right in front of the kids. Nothing makes me happier. So you and Grandpa are getting back together? LIZZIE: Yeah, because, I mean, you only have sex with someone if you love them, right, Dad? That's 100% right, honey. 100%. I feel like they're lying. Oh, really? I couldn't tell. Mom, I am so glad that we did this. You coming here was the right move at the right time. Yeah. It was just what we needed. Your presence this week completely changed the dynamic, and it felt really good to focus on the family. Well, it makes me proud to hear you say that. As proud as you've ever been of one of your sons? Sure, Dean. I knew it. Previously on X Company. - What's your name? - Martin. - Let's take him with us. - He's just a kid. Children know in their blood right from wrong, and no one pays attention to them. _ _ _ _ _ Brandt's only in Paris for a couple of days; this is our chance to make an impact. - We have to kill him. - You're talking about going after a general. That kind of thing, it triggers reprisals. Aufhalten! (explosion) _ _ _ _ (gunshot and screams) You don't get to turn away! (machine-gun fire) You want to make the tough decisions? Then you have to know what it costs. _ _ Please don't let them take me again. I'm right here, my love. (stabbing) I love you. (crying) (exhaling) (exhaling) (indistinct chatter) We need to talk about Harry. Once we finish setting up the camp. Look, I know he broke ranks yesterday, but you were hard on him. He's still just a... He's been through a lot. Alfred, Neal! Everyone's been through a lot. Good, you're back. Neal has some... Guys, we need to move on Faber. You and I, - we're heading into Paris. - Might want to hear this first. Jacob was in town yesterday, supply run, local hotelier tells him there's a big Boche engineer coming in, refitting the local auto plant to make tanks for the Fuhrer. After what happened yesterday, all those people, you want to hit another high-value German? - Don't be stupid, I'm... - Stupid? - No, uh... That's not that I meant. - George and Miri are scouting, to try to find a way to hit the factory. - Who sent them? - You were on watch. So then, come and get me. I updated Camp X on Terre-du-Fils. - All of it. - Good. Now with that in mind, we're not gonna put any more civilians in harm's way, not again. Attacking the auto plant could cripple their tank production. And a raid like this would help George and his men train for what they'll need to do when the time comes. Alright. Neal and Tom will take the auto plant, but no civilian casualties. Alfred, we need to get your eyes on the intelligence in Faber's safe. Harry, the safe has the initials K.S. - Kirsch-Sekur. I know the model. - Good. - Show Alfred how to pick it. - What? No, I'll go with you. Look, you're lucky to still be in this camp. Now, everybody has their orders. You leave within the hour. (sigh) S01E07 La Vérité Vous Rendra Libre (indistinct chatter) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ (Morse code beeping) We need to do TV tests on the local POW camp in Beaumontville. Jerry officers. Certainly is a stroke of luck your CV came along when it did, - Cameron. - Yes, uh, I wish I could be overseas, but, uh, bum ticker. Your girl said the last man you had just - up and disappeared last week. - Mmhmm. One day, he's here; next day, pfff. People go off, do crazy things. You won't do anything crazy on me, will you, Cameron? Oh, I wouldn't dream of it, sir. The factory's 2km northeast. I watched from the road. She went to the gate with bread. She's a brazen one. - (Tom): How many guards inside? - Couldn't tell. But they're making tanks so I'd wager more than a few. - So we need guns. Lots of guns. - What did I tell you? Brazen. No, we can't. Right now, the locals are on our side. If random civilians die in the crossfire, we lose that support. We need to find a better way. It's a factory. If we sabotage the machines, it stops working. If we get the engineer, we can find out where the factory's vulnerable. Excuse me. I have to get to a meeting. Ugh! Easy, easy. (German chocking) (body falling on floor) Nicely done. Gunther Albrecht, nice to meet you. We replace the engineer, target the machinery... that's something that keeps the good guys safe. (blond man): All right. We'll fill in Jacob and the others. - Relax, it'll work. - Men, can we have a word? It's not that. It's Harry. Someone needs to talk to him. In my experience, if you don't deal with this stuff, it deals with you. Maybe you could, considering... Considering what? So young Harry's found his fire and fight; that something I'm supposed to feel sorry for? - Didn't think you'd sound so... - What? Envious. - It must be nice. - What's that? To be someone else for a while. Lunching with a Nazi wife is not a vacation for me. That's not what I meant. Yesterday, the men at the church. Red on white. Just, it would be nice to be someone who doesn't remember quite so well, even for a little while. I'm sorry. When Faber came away from that church, his face covered in blood... I remember when he was interrogating me, there was this moment when I knew that he lost someone. Someone he cared about. Someone who slipped away, right in his own hands. He had the same look yesterday, like something was broken, and it would never be fixed. (indistinct chatter) And to go from trucks to tanks has been a challenge, but by Wednesday my workers will be ready to do as many hours - as you require. - Excellent. - And how many guards do we have? - We have 15 fully armed guards from the local SS detachment. Ah, one thing... we are replacing the test gauges in the automobile crank shafts, but should we calibrate for the Panzer shafts or the Renault FT? They can discuss those details later. My superiors are very happy with your cooperation. France and Germany should be friends, always. Just one thing. You could not even answer a simple question about the crank shafts. You are no engineer. What are you? Resistance? Looking to make trouble for me? You don't think you're already in trouble? - A collaborator? - I'm a good ally and a businessman. I'm also the man with the gun. What do you have? I have a message from the RAF. On Wednesday, this factory will be bombed into oblivion unless we make a deal right now. You can't! Half the town works here, it would be a massacre. Welcome to the war. Or you let us in to sabotage the machines tomorrow when the upgrades are complete. - I told you, there are guards. - Tell us exactly where guards will be stationed; my friends will take care of them too. Or... shoot me, and no one will tell the bombers not to bomb your factory. Or you. Or your workers. You have one minute to decide. Once Martin gives the all clear, Jacob, Miri, and myself will go in with Harry's explosives. We look for machines the owner's marked with two red chalk lines. Ten minutes and then it blows. Clear? Our civilians could use another day or two of training first. We don't have it to spare. This has to happen tomorrow; it's the only way to make sure the factory's empty. (Martin): Shut up! What do you know? (man): Martin, he's ingenious. (indistinct chatter) I worry about that lad. I feel bad for him. - (Neil): Why? - Not everyone's cut out for this. We'll brief the others first thing. Get some rest. We'll be up at 0400. What? You feel bad for Martin too? Why would I? He has a chance to kill his enemies. You must be a treat at parties. (indistinct conversation) (accordion music playing) (sniffing) Can this be real? How did you...? The manager has an arrangement. This is a black market. Sh. The things you know about, Helene. Go on. Take a piece. (both laughing) Franz hates when I do this, but it's just so much more... Forbidden? - Mm-hmm. - Wait, let me get you a... Um, do you have a handkerchief? - Mm-hmm. - Yah. You should take a few back to Franz as a surprise. Just, um... don't tell him where you got them. I don't need an Oberfuhrer after me. (both laughing) Franz would never take it. He's so... correct. And lately, he's been... It's been difficult to be honest. What about a dinner out at least? I just think, if the two of you had more time to talk, maybe it would be less difficult. I wish I could... but we never go out. Or talk. Do you think it's unhealthy to never talk about the things we've done? I mean, what we do. I'm sorry. You need to work. No, no, Sabine, wait. Um... My number. Maybe some night, when Franz is working, you and I could go out... together. I don't know what I'd do without a friend like you, Helene. Someone I can be honest with. Thank you. Oh. Ha! (indistinct talking) Please. Please, sir. Don't do this. Don't do this. Please. How you doing, Fritz? Eh? Please, please, don't kill me. Here, go on. Doesn't matter anyway. What are you doing? I thought you were working on the explosives. I am. - Is there a problem? - I don't know, Harry. Is there? (Harry scoffs.) Hey, come here. We need to talk. Sticking that doctor, going over Aurora's head with Brandt, not to mention that stunt with the arsenic... what the hell is going on - with you? - With me? - I'm fine. - People who say they're fine - usually aren't. - Does that count for Neil too? - And Aurora? - They're not the ones - I'm worried about. - Why not? It doesn't bother you that Aurora's never here or that Neil brings a German military engineer into our secret camp and is planning to let him go rather than kill him? - And I'm the one you're worried about. - He's right. Right now, we kill one German, and they kill ten civilians. Or have you already forgotten about yesterday? Doesn't even matter. - He's already dead. - No, Harry. After the raid, when we move camp, we cut him loose. It's not what I meant. _ _ _ _ _ (both chuckling) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ I know you have bad nights. If you feel bad, I'd like it if you told me. You know what I like? Some things you don't talk about, some things I don't; that's what makes us work together, no? (small chuckle) Come here. There'll be another time when the apartment's empty. She's home all day and night. He comes and goes. They never go out. We could be waiting for weeks. Then, we cut our losses, head back to camp, help with this raid like a team again. Since when were we not a team? - Who else feels this way? - Nobody has said anything. Because they don't have to. This team doesn't exist without you. Pfff! Is that a compliment or a warning? You know, everything I do right now, everything I've been doing... feels like I've been running, and there hasn't been any time to just stop and... (sigh) Just ever since that night... Running from what? What night? In Sainte Lynette, when, um... when René... when he died... I, um... I... (phone ringing) Wait. What were you gonna say? Hello? woman: Helene? I didn't think you'd be home. - Sabine? - I'm ready to talk to you. - What's wrong? - I can't talk here. - Can you meet me? - Yes. - Église du Précieux Sang. - Église du Précieux Sang? Yes, of course, of course. I can find it, yes. - Come right now. - I will. I will be there. - Thank you, Helene. - Goodbye. Église du Précieux Sang; where is it? 27, rue de la Montagne. Why does she have the phone number of our safe house? I took a risk, and it paid off. She wants to talk. Faber's out. The place is empty. - You'll go in on your own. - This wasn't the plan. Plan's changed. You have the key. I'll keep her there at the church. - Order the flowers. - Are you too close to her? - What? - Are you too close to Sabine? Alfred, this is my job, and this is our one chance. I'm gonna take it. I'll see you back here when we're done. (door opening and closing) (crickets chirping) (Neil sighing) What is it? It's nothing, go back to sleep. That thing we don't talk about? It's always the same. It's me and this... German radio operator. His name was Rolf. We were in a basement, and I had to kill him. I have my knife. He sa... He says to me every night, "It's cruel to make me wait." So I do it. And ever since... I wonder... will I have to do it again... who will I have to kill this time? I was a copper. I looked out for people. Now I'm just a weapon. It scares me what I've turned into. It scares the hell out of me. (sniffling and exhaling) Just saying it out loud... it's a relief, you know? Miri, what? Miri, wait. Hold on a minute. I told you something. Why? Why would you tell me about killing some Nazi in a basement? You asked. I thought you'd understand. You want to know what I dream about, what I remember? I was coming back from the river where I washed our clothes. The Nazis had already killed half our children. When they found me, they made me watch the rest. Miri, we can talk about this. Let's go... My baby brother, they smashed against the stones of a well. They took my parents with the old people, and they put them in a caravan and set it on fire. I remember the smell. They didn't even try to stop me when I ran. Who would I tell? Who would care about some dirty gypsies? - No. Don't say that... - So no! I don't "understand" being afraid to kill those people. I don't understand anyone who is. (indistinct chatter) For Sabine Faber - from Oberfuhrer Franz Faber. - She's out. Just give them to me, I will take them up myself. (door creaking) _ Martin, what are you doing out here? You're not on watch yet. I can't do this. I'm not like you. I'm not a soldier. - And tomorrow... - Tomorrow, you're just on lookout. The Germans are still looking for me after you and Miri killed those guards. What if I get caught? They'll kill me. I'm scared, Neil. I'm scared. I'm sorry. (Martin sobbing softly) Go on. As far away as you can. Before anyone else sees, go on. - Thank you. Thank you, Neil. - It's alright. (sigh) You're such a good friend. I don't want to lose you. You won't. You don't have to say anything. But you don't know what I did... what we've done. You mean you and Franz? Something no one else knows You know, we had a son. His name was Ulli. He was... different. Different how? "Weak. Unworthy. A burden to the Reich." Every feeling he had was special. Every moment was special. To him and to us. But after he was born, there was a decree... to keep Germany pure. So they took him? No. We came here to be away from Berlin, to keep him safe. Someone found out. They wanted to take him to a special institution where... Franz said they would do... things to him, experiments, and then kill him. So when Franz came home, we made a choice. And our boy never knew that anything was wrong. Sabine? - Sabine? - Franz gave him a cup of milk with a little powder to help him sleep. He was always so gentle with him. And I kissed him goodnight. And Franz took the pillow because I couldn't. How could a mother do that... to her own son? How... how could we? And nobody knows? It's like he was never there. (door creaking) (indistinct chatter) (Sabine sobbing) (crickets chirping) (faint rustling) Intruders! (indistinct shouting, gunshots) Miri! Miri! (machine-gun fire) Miri! Get down! _ (machine-gun fire) _ _ _ _ Uh-huh. Hello. Who would like to come with us to Paris? Please. - I have something to say. - (Neil): Jacob. (Nazi speaking German) (Jacob spits.) (Nazi laughing) And so... who's next? You? You? _ Come! First one to ask. _ _ _ Good. _ (gunshot) (second gunshot) Ugh! (three stabs) They shot up your tent. I was in the woods. I saw them coming. Right before they attacked, she charged them. It's the only reason we heard. Brazen, thank Christ. - There's another. - Not anymore. How did this happen? We just moved camp, how did they know? - Factory owner? - How would he know where we were? It was Martin. I caught him trying to sneak away, and I let him go. Why? He said he was scared. Let's just bury our dead. (Selene): You must think I'm a monster. (Aurora): You're not a monster. Doing that to our own son... This was a mistake. I shouldn't have told you. No, no. Sabine, I know what it feels like. I do. Because I did the same thing. I told you about my husband, Max? He was... he was strong, very strong, but, um... he got sick. He got weak. So weak that there was nothing left of him. And he begged me... to help him. And so I did. With my own hands. So I know, Sabine. You gave him mercy. I don't know if it was right. I don't know. I don't know who to tell. I don't know where to put it. All I know is that... he's gone. (Aurora sobbing softly) (exhaling) I'm sorry. (exhaling) We should go for a walk. Yes. (touching music) - (Harry): Just saying... - (Tom): Leave it, Harry. He knows our movements, our routines, so even if she finds him, there's no reason... What's done is done! When Aurora gets back, I'll tell her it's on me. If that means a discharge, I'll take it. It's not... done. Word will get around... how vulnerable the Resistance is. Other rats will try to get in, sell us out... unless someone pays. Please, no! I went back to Vareges. Talked to the boys who knew him. They said - he was getting on a train. - Please, please. Please, you don't understand. He had this too. He's rich. This is... I saved this! I stole it! It's mine! - I'll finish this. - No. I felt sorry for you. You lied to me. To all of us. - This is your fault! - Yeah, because I let you go. I was just playing football, and you killed those Germans! - We saved you! - They were after me ever since! I didn't lie! I didn't lie. I was scared. I was scared that they would find me! Scared? You were scared, eh? Eh? What about Jacob? ! Do you think he was scared? Eh? Do you think they were scared when they were murdered in their sleep because of you? ! Were they gonna save me? Huh? Were you? I knew that if I went to the Germans... and told them about the raid and the camp, they'd listen to me and let me live! That's all I wanted. Please don't... Neil. Give it to me. Just give it to me, will ya? ! Hey! Hey! He was dead already! OK? They all were. The engineer, Jacob... everybody in this war is already dead. All of us. Once you know that, you don't have to be afraid. (birds singing) Do you think Franz is worried? I don't know. I don't care. Last night I told him I wanted to go to the sea. To say goodbye to Ulli. He couldn't even do that. I think maybe I just want to run away. Hmm... How much money do you have? _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ (distant phone ringing) (door closing) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Sabine! Sabine! What happened? Why are you here? What about the raid on the factory? - There is no raid. - There's no camp anymore either. George, Conrad, and Miri are waiting for word. - They're the only survivors. - Survivors? Oh my God, did Faber know about that too? - What do you mean, "too"? - Faber knows about Camp X, about HYDRA, about Sinclair. He has maps, photos. He's planning an attack sometime in the next 24 hours. - How do they know? - We have to radio Sinclair! - Radio's destroyed. - Then we have to fix it! Where's Aurora? The last time I saw her was at a church, with Faber's wife. They left together. I haven't heard from her since. (small sigh) Here we are! Here we are. Haha! (train whistle) Okay, give me some room. Okay, gurney's here! Clear the way, people! All right, nice and calm, nice and calm. Everybody out of the way. Here we go. Get in there! One at a time. All right, Myron, who do you think's gonna take home the gold this year? Well, Proctology usually has this tied up, but Urology could surprise us. Mm, well, the extraction of foreign rectal bodies, really, is anyone's game. - Yeah. - Let's see what we got. Is that a cell phone? That gives a whole new meaning to getting butt-dialed. And it works! You know, it looks like he's got three bars on that thing. Can you hear me now? Uh, no, I'm in a tunnel. Aha. Judges? Oh! You know what? I think the shape of the object might have cost him a few points in that department. Who the hell are you guys talking to? Let's see if Cardiology can recover from last year's devastating loss. Ooh, that's not really a great showing for Panttiere. Shane actually could take this thing. Wow. Ooh! Looks like a three-car garage. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second. Wait a second. Where do you find Hot Wheels these days? Apparently in a rectum. Talk about a three-alarmer. And the tiny ladder is still intact. Could this be Panttiere's comeback? - Oh! - It extends! Let's go to the judges. Panttiere takes it! It was rigged! It's rigged! Do you believe in miracles? Hey, Mom. Une tarte aux fraises, Papa? Yeah, strawberry tart for dessert, special delivery from the farm. Ah, mon petit génie. Tu m'as manqué, Papa. - Ca va? - Ca va. Where's Maman? Oh, she's fixing your sink. - Hmm? - Mm-hmm. Ah, j'ai fini. Oh, here, let me take that. Merci. - Merci, Maman. - Ah, de rien, ma chérie. Mwah. How long are you gonna stay for? Two days. - Hi, baby. - Hi. The Farm Bureau is sending some insufferable man to talk to us about the profitability of radishes. Radishes? Ugh, no. Well put. Ouais. We are a strawberry farm. Vive les fraises! - Les fraises! - Vive les fraises! Okay, Gérard, found a cabernet in the closet. Mon dieu. This is from Sacramento. Uh, Alex, you want to give me a hand just setting the table real quick? Excuse me. Mmm, château Sacramento. Sacramento? You didn't tell me your parents were coming. I'm sorry. They're so busy. They usually just drop in. - What's wrong? - Nothing. I've only met them twice; I thought I'd have a little more time to prepare before the next time I saw them. I wanted to speak perfect French. It's not funny. I'm sorry. You know things have been a little rough lately and we're supposed to talk about, you know... What, yeah, having kids? You know, can we count that as the talk and avoid it for another week? Well, it would free me up so your dad could kill me over a California wine. Babe, you don't need to impress them. You've spent time together; you know they like you. Yeah, they like me, but do they love me? Will you look at them? 40 years together and they're still so in love. You know, I never thought I'd be able to match that till I met you. That's all they need to know. - Je t'aime. - Moi aussi. Huh? Here to is the fine wines of Sacramento. Sacramento. I'm sorry, Papa. - Ah, Sacramento. - Sacramento. Okay, okay, okay. Would you rather be a dinosaur or have a dinosaur? Easy. Have a dinosaur. Then I don't have to drive anymore. I have one for you, hein? Um... would you rather be blind or fart once a minute for the rest of your life? Ooh, that's a good one. I'll have to think about it. I want to play. Oh, I wish you luck, Gabriel. Your mother and grandfather have been playing this game for 30 years. Marie, uh... _ _ _ Oh, it was my pleasure. Uh, thank you guys so much for coming. I mean, it's really, uh... it's terrific to have authentic Parisians cook for us. Although are you guys Californian now or... Oh, yes, uh, we arrived in the summer of '74. Uh, we were hippies in love. Now we are just old hippies in love. Hein, Gérard? Je ne me sens pas bien. - Excusez-moi. - Papa? Gérard. Papa? Papa? - Carson, call 9-1-1. - Okay, got it, Mom. You're gonna be fine. Just listen to my voice. Okay, his airway's okay. Okay, just breathe. Papa? Is that my father's chart? I ordered tests two hours ago. Did you get any sleep last night? This says he's pregnant. He's not pregnant. No, Mrs. Kirkwood is. You sure you got my father's full medical history? Alex, I was his doctor ten years ago, all right? I'm the one that diagnosed him with renal disease. His creatinine's been stable for six months. He's been managing fine on reduced function. Before we panic, let's just wait for the test results. Maybe we just need to readjust his treatment plan. You didn't see him on the floor of my dining room. No, but I saw him an hour ago and he was awake. He was talking my ear off. I just need to know how bad it is. I understand, but you got to calm down, all right? You're scaring the nurses. Cowards. Oh, hey. I have a backup Ho Ho in my office. Just say the word. Thanks. How you doing? You okay? Yeah, let's do this. All right. Hello. Jesse! Five years, I cannot believe it. I think you've actually aged backward, Marie. Oh, stop. No, really, look at you. It's unbelievable. Oh, please, stop. Only an Australian would chat up a man's wife when he is in the hospital. Oh, yes, yes, please, do the Australian. That's not a knife. That's a knife. Gets you every time. We are glad you are here. Gérard? Is he okay? On s'occupe de lui. Uh, Marie, let's... let's grab you a cup of coffee. He's gonna be fine. It's his A-fib. His potassium's 6.1. Peaked T waves in his precordial leads. Okay, we're gonna cardiovert. We'll need some Versed. Mm-hmm. Okay, just focus on your breathing and listen to my voice, okay? We're gonna give you some low-energy shocks to trigger a normal heart rhythm. We're gonna have to put you to sleep first, Papa. - Non, non. Alex, non. - Ca va aller, Papa. Je vais mettre le masque, d'accord? Ecoute-moi. Ecoute-moi. Enveloppe. Dans ma veste. Maybe he's confused. Don't worry. Promise me you will not open it till you are alone. Promise me. I know I can trust you both. - Hi, Dr. Panttiere. - Hey. How's your dad? The cardioversion was successful. He'll be sleeping it off for a few hours, but he's stable. That's good. Yeah. I'm... Uh, sorry. Opera? Excuse me. Hi. Hey. "La Bohème" is my favorite. - I'm not really a fan. - Oh. What's your criticism? I just don't understand why they have to sing the whole time. Excuse me. Is he dead? Who? Your father, Gérard. How do you know my father? I didn't know my father liked opera or cheating on my mother. Oh, my God, my mother. Does she know? No. I'm so sorry he told you. I really am. It's a terrible burden, and I wish I could take it away. You know, I met you once when you were a little girl. I don't remember. Well, you couldn't have been more than ten. You were fishing at a lake. McGrath Lake. My dad used to take me there. Just me and him. Yeah, you had your dad's camera. You were chasing the ducks around. Oh, and I... I taught you a game. You loved it. You wouldn't stop playing it. What was it called? Oh, Would You Rather? My father taught me that game, not his mistress. Oh, oh, Alexandra, I need another worm. Which one? Surprise me. A big, juicy one. Ah, that's a nice one. Happy Alexandra Day. Happy Alexandra Day. I think, next year, everyone should get this day off so they don't have to work. I like the way you think. All of the girls stay home from school, their fathers stay home from work, and everybody goes fishing. A national holiday. Qu'elle est jolie. Oui. You must be Alex. I am delighted to meet you finally. I'm Isabelle. Hi. I went to the opera. Ma petite puce... I'm not your little flea anymore. I didn't want to involve you. Huh? C'est compliqué. You made it complicated. I didn't know what to do. In my mind, all I could see was her standing outside of the opera house, waiting for me, confused, terrified. Someone had to be there for her. Why did it have to be me? Is everything all right? Oui. You look upset. I am. He shouldn't be eating dessert. Were you planning on telling Mom? Pardon? You know, that you've been enjoying dessert? Alexandra, perhaps you should go take one of your angry walks. Peut-être que tu devrais aller faire un de tes angry walks. Why's the line so long? You kidding me? This guy's a barbecue genius. I feel a bulgogi dance coming on. Ah, Korean food. Is he from Seoul? Is it... Seoul food? Get it? "Seoul." Yeah, I get it. - No, but "soul"... - It's not funny. Haven't you had enough sensitivity training for one year? You know what? Forget it, Callahan. It's too spicy. It's bad for your stomach ulcers. You know you have zero chance with her, right? She promised her family she'd marry a Korean guy, and you can't even eat the food. And you're from Connecticut. Upstate New York. His GFR is low. It's less than 15. Your father needs a new kidney. Listen, we've already convened a transplant committee meeting. I've got calls in to UNOS to try and get him listed immediately. 100,000 people are waiting on that list for a kidney. He... he needs one now. Do you want me to explain ything about Papa's condition? - No, it is quite clear. - Really? Because I threw a lot of medical terms at you. No, I mean it is quite clear that I will give him my kidney. Wait, give him your kidney? We didn't talk about this. He needs one. I have one. It is just, uh, what must be done. There can be complications, not just physical but emotional. I will be fine. I just don't think you have all the facts. Your father taught me to take chances in life. He gave me a gift. So I think the least I can do is give him my kidney. Clé à molette. He really is the love of your life. Tu es si têtu! Ah, oui, j'ai eu un bon professeur. You will not give up a kidney. Absolument pas. Jesse. - Yes? - She listens to you. Tell her she's out of her mind. Actually, Marie's not a bad candidate 'cause she's got a compatible blood type... Non! Non! I forbid it! - Hein? - Hein? - Ah! - Non. I forbid it. Oh, I'd like to see you try. - Marie... - Maman, Papa. Quite something, isn't it? I like it. My family, we just fester around in this WASPy silence until someone "accidentally" gets stabbed at dinner. Arrêtez! Ca suffit. Merci. This isn't about you, Papa. It's about the people who love you. Tu comprends? I don't want her to make the sacrifice. Tough. I'm being tested too. - Ah, c'est trop. - C'est trop. - Oui, c'est trop! - C'est trop! - Arrêtes! - Marie. You will not do this. Promise me. Fine. Come along, Alex. Bravo, Papa. You're not gonna listen to him, are you? Oh, please. Jesse, how soon will we know if we are a match? The hospital's agreed to fast-track you, so we'll know in 24 hours. Pierce will help us every step of the way. Uh, yeah, so we got a full day. Uh, EKG, stress test, urine analysis, and your chest X-ray awaits, milady. Hey. Hey, where's your mum? Oh, she's exhausted. I convinced her to crash on Millicent's couch until we get the test results. Oh, that's too bad. I've got a thing for your mum. I'm serious, there's something about you Panttiere women. Come on. You still haven't been to bed yet, have you? When I lie down, I can feel my heart in my ears. Alex. I wouldn't worry about your old man. He's... he's gonna be fine. I mean, he's a survivor. He tried to arm-wrestle me this morning. He almost won, the bugger. Maybe it's 'cause he's a farmer. He's got strength, integrity. I just... He's been having a cheap affair for 30 years. Lying and cheating on my mom for three decades. He's a cheating... cheater. I hate to break it to you, but if it's been 30 years, it doesn't sound like a cheap affair. It sounds like love. Oh, please, if it's love, then why is he still with my mother? Maybe he still loves her too. It's pretty clear they're still crazy about one another. Oh, oh, okay, so he can just do whatever he wants, betray his family. I could strangle him. I'm sure he didn't mean for it to turn out that way. Things happen, don't they? I mean, bad timing never stopped people falling in love. He's just a man who loves two women. How did you get like this? I'm sorry, I don't know... Talking like that, you know, compassionate. Hey. I've been texting you. Uh, your... your dad's tests came back, and you're a positive crossmatch against both you and your mom. Neither of you are a match. You know his chances are better with a compatible donor. But I don't want you to give up hope. I'm in constant contact with Cedars, USC, and UCLA. They're all testing Good Samaritans right now. I'm sorry. I wish I didn't know what his chances were. Are you feeling quite well, my darling? I'm sorry, Maman. I should be asking you that. I know you're disappointed you're not a match. Ah, oui. But what can you do, hmm? You know, if you want to be sad or upset in front of me, I can take it. I have no doubt. We've been through this before, haven't we? When we lost your sister, I thought my world was ending. I think about her every day. So do I. And I'm so grateful I have you and your father to love. It is how I survived. So you must know by now that I am not someone who falls apart on the outside. You really are the badass in the family, aren't you? Absolument. How are we feeling today? Any heart palpitations? Alex, don't treat me like one of your patients. Can we please just talk? I'm trying to give you the best possible care, and I can't do that if I want to murder you. I love your mother. I love her, Alex. It's Pierce. I have to go. I want things to be as they were. Me too. You better hide that. So I had Cedars fast-track one of their altruistic donors when they reported a compatible blood type with no crossmatch issue. They're a match. We have a donor. I don't believe this! Donor just checked in. Your father's transplant surgery is on the books. Thank you, thank you, thank you. What an amazing human being... Oh, my... Hello. That woman in there is my father's mistress. And my mother doesn't know. We can talk about this later when I've had some freaking time to think straight, but right now, you need to get her out of here before her entire world collapses. Marie! Bonsoir. It's 11:00 a.m. Exactly, it's... it's time for lunch. - Is it? - Yeah, yeah. Come on, we'll go to the cafeteria. We can, uh, share a croissant. I can get a little mom action. No? Here we go. I want to thank you. I didn't expect you to be so calm. I'm not someone who falls apart on the outside. Well, you didn't get that from your father. He cried like an infant at "La Traviata." You know, maybe you shouldn't talk about him while you're here. Believe me, if I could mail in my kidney, I would. Please don't tell Gérard. He won't accept it if he knows that it's from me. Fine. He cries at the opera? You must have a lot of questions. I thought if I saw you again, I'd ask you if... if you love him. I guess I know the answer. Uh, Ms. Dixon, I'm Dr. Hackett, here for your donor psych evaluation. Well, I can tell you right now, I'm completely insane. Great, then you... you're gonna fit right in. I just, uh, want to chat, make sure you understand the risks and review certain lifestyle circumstances that may be affected by donation. Uh-huh. It involves a lot of personal questions. What are you doing? Hmm? Helping you. No, you're not. Some of this information might be pertinent to her care. I'm gonna stay and listen. No, no, you're not gonna do that. - Yeah, I am. - You're gonna get out... Yeah, I'm staying right here. - You're gonna leave. - Nope. Yeah, you have to. You're gonna get out, right now. - No. - Get out right... - No. - Get out. What are you doing? Just getting some DNA. Is it time for your annual STD scare? Uh, more like the STD festival. That's gross. No, this is an ancestry kit. I have reason to believe that I may be Korean. You're about as Korean as I am Kardashian. Stop. I have a great-grandfather Theodore... Mm-hmm. Who was a missionary over in Korea. Oh. I also have an aunt who loves kimchi and golf, so... I think that might be the food of my people. - Yeah? - Yeah. - Can I see that report? - What is going on with you? I know you're worried about your dad, but... I can't talk about it right now. I just... I can't talk about it. Listen, if you can't talk about it right now and you're losing your mind, I've got some five-second advice for you. Have a... have a big cry, like, a big, ugly cry. I can't cry on command. It's not a traffic ticket. I know you, Panttiere; I've seen you tear up on life insurance commercials. The one where the puppy thinks the horse is its mother. Crying? That's your professional opinion? Gives you perspective. Hey, your, uh... ‭your father's going into surgery in a half hour; are you okay? Gee, I... Alex, this whole Isabelle thing, I mean, I couldn't even imagine what you're going through right now. Confusion, anger, and a Tammy Wynette song. But what I need to do right now is focus. You need to make me cry. Huh? Yeah, Hackett thinks I need to cry to relieve some stress, and I can't seem to do it. Come on, Harrison. Make your girlfriend cry. No, I'm not gonna make you cry. Please. If you're got to relieve stress, why don't we just, you know, have sex? Oh, my God, you're a genius. Not here. Not here. Maybe here. Really? Pierce, you're operating on Isabelle Dixon, - Is that correct? - Yes, I am. She has a couple of questions for you. Lovely. Millicent. Dr. Harrison. Does Pierce know who Isabelle really is? Yeah. So you told him too? Yeah. Well, Alex. Did you and Pierce... you didn't... No. You know she's saving your father's life. Yeah, I know. It makes it really hard to hate her. But I'm gonna... I'm gonna power through. Well, here's an idea, maybe... maybe don't hate her. You know, we had a saying in my family. "If your arms are full from carrying the burden of anger, you won't be able to see where to put it down." Is that like a Hindu proverb? Yeah, no, it's from a Bollywood movie. But I think it applies here. If you're so angry with your father and Isabelle and you can't see past that to forgive them, then... We can't always help whom we fall in love with, can we, Alex? How are you doing? I'm okay, except for this horrible music. Your dad requested it, so... we all thought it'd be a nice change. He can listen to whatever he wants as long as he wakes up. Bonsoir, Papa. Bonsoir, ma petite puce. Are you okay? Alive and well. So I suppose you can hate me for many years to come, huh? You hurt me. Ah, ma petite puce. Are you done? Every time you talk, I have to start over. Well, you haven't told me how Gérard's doing. I'm sorry. He's fine. The surgeries went great. His vitals look good. He's in recovery. I'm not worried. You know, he talks about you all the time. He is so proud of you, Alex. Thank you. I'm okay. I'm just a little stressed. You want some of my morphine? I need to examine you first. Take a deep breath. How could you do this? How could you give your kidney to a perfect stranger? Uh, s-strange... stranger? I must apologize for the intrusion. Alexandra said you were to be anonymous. But this idea of a, uh... how do you say... altruistic donor, it is so selfless. I just had to meet you. Um, je suis... Um, I am Marie Panttiere, the wife of Gérard. Enchantée, Marie. Ah, vous parlez français? Um, I don't think we need to parlez right now. She needs to rest. I am sorry. I just... Are... are you crying? I am just so grateful to you. I don't know you, but... perhaps you know what it is like to love someone with every atom in your body, to be so intertwined with him for most of your life. The thought of losing him... No, no, no, it's all right. It's all right. May I be so bold as to ask you, why did you do this? It was... because of a man. Oh! But of course. And then she said, "Merci, Isabelle." I thought they were gonna have to defibrillate me right in the middle of the room. What'd you end up saying to your dad? I haven't talked to him yet. - Oh, come on, Alex. - You know what? Let me get to the bottom of the pitcher first. No, no, no, no. Come on, tell me why. Pretend I'm Dr. Hackett or Pierce. Or you. Or me. Okay. When you watched "Wizard of Oz" as a kid, what was the scariest thing? The witch. No, flying monkeys. Yeah, for me, it's when they see the man behind the curtain and realize none of it's true. There is no Great and Powerful Oz. The world as we know it is a lie. Yeah? I feel like I'm nine years old again, having an existential crisis, only instead of Oz, it's my parents. So where's the lie? They're both... All those moments we spent together as a family, they're different. I have to go back and rethink everything. Well, while you're rethinking the past, the rest of us will be in the present, waiting for you when you finally catch up. Catch up to what? Reality. You're still avoiding it. You know, it's starting to sink in how he can love both of them and want both of them in his life. What's the matter with me? What kind of person does that make me? Oh, your ancestry results? That was fast. I know somebody in the lab. You should do the honors. Let's share this moment together. Who are you? Oh, my God! Not Korean. - Damn it. - I'm sorry. But you do have some Scottish ancestry. That might explain the golf. No, stop. What are you doing? That's called "fire chicken" in English, okay? I'm not giving up. Seriously, you're gonna feel like dying later. You don't have to... eat that for me. I... Where's Isabelle Dixon? Uh, she checked out early, but I think she left you something. Dear Alex, Gérard taught me to always drink wine with someone when you part ways. That way, you're sure to remember them fondly. I hope that someday, you'll come to remember me fondly and understand that your father doesn't love you and your mother any less for loving me. Yours, Isabelle. Code blue! Code blue! So I think your mom likes me. I told you. I never knew your parents were so close to Jesse. - Excuse me. - Still no pulse. - Coming through. - I'm right behind her. Nurse, where's that bag? - Excuse me. - Come on, come on! She was found with no pulse. No spontaneous respirations. Somebody get a portable monitor and an intubation tray. Holding compressions. Excuse me, sorry. Still no pulse. Okay, resuming CPR. I need another dose of epi and bicarb. It's been 36 minutes. She's on her fifth round of meds. - Alex needs to call it. - Just wait. Please. I got a pulse. Is she going to be all right? We're testing for a rare cardiac arrhythmia. It has nothing to do with giving you a kidney, Papa. You should have told me about this. Did you really just say that? You see now what Isabelle means to me, what kind of person she is. Yes, I get it. But I'm your daughter, and I know how much you love Mom. You and I are so much alike, Alexandra. I can see what is in your heart. What is it you think you can see? Someone who understands that it is possible to truly love two people. Do you know why I love "La Bohème"? There is a character who possesses a wisdom that none of the other characters have. Bonjour. Her name is Musetta. And she understands that true love is undeniable. The heart wants what it wants. Hide from that, we will be miserable. All that's in "La Bohème"? Oui. Go see for yourself. Papa... would you rather fight 20 duck-sized horses or 1 horse-sized duck? Je ne sais pas, ma chérie. Excuse me. Excuse me. What are you doing here? Gérard gave me his ticket. What are you doing here? My dad. Previously on "Freakish"... - Who the hell are you? - Grover. Grover Jones. Now, why would you show up to Saturday detention when you don't have to? [alarm buzzing] Coach, it's not a drill. The chemical plant's on fire. [explosion, all scream] [loud rumbling] No, no, no, no. You can't go out in that. Move out of the way. People, no. I'm not getting a signal. There's nothing. Whoa. [both grunting] - Shh! - [grunts] Lyle, what happened to you? His heart's beating like a drum. But he doesn't have a fever or a cough or anything like a normal sick person. That is not a normal sick person. Kid needs a hospital. You don't know if the hospital's still there. Lyle, can you hear me? Can you tell us what you saw? Lyle, stay with me. You gotta help us here. Did he say anything to you? [both grunting] All... dead. He said something, didn't he? What did he say? Well, yeah, he spoke. I just couldn't understand him. You're lying. [scoffs] No, I'm not lying. Stop. Whatever he said, I can handle it. Look. I don't want anybody in this place to panic. I'm not the panicking type. He, uh, he said everybody was dead. You said he was trying to tell you something? Yeah. Tell me what it was like outside. Hmm? Come on. - [snapping fingers] - What did you see? [mattress rustling] Hey. Come on, dude. He didn't say much before. I don't think he's gonna start speaking now. The kid's right. Leave him alone. He's our only link to what's going on outside. Guys! He's not our only link. - [coughs] - Addie? Damn. And there's more like her upstairs. [eerie music] ♪ ♪ [wheezing] What could have happened to them out there? Staying inside was the smart move. The question is, for how long is it smart? Until somebody comes to find us. They smell like they've been eating trash. [chuckles] Maybe they have been. What would bring them back here? Might be the only place left. You really think that? The explosion was huge. Who are you, and why are you trying to scare people? I'm someone who'd rather understand reality - than play pretend. - Oh-ho. Come here and relax. Relax, she's not worth it. Come here. You really think nobody else is left? No, look. There's no way anybody could know that. Anything? These old radios tend to have battery issues. You seem like the kind of guy who could fix something like that. You know who I am. Everyone in the school knows who you are. A guy who ripped someone off? I try to judge people for myself. So what's your verdict? Excuse me? On me. What's your verdict on me? I haven't decided yet. I know who you are too. I've heard you play. You're quite good. Thank you. Your bravado needs some work, but your technique is impressive. How long do you think before they send someone searching for us? They're likely devoting most of their resources to the fire. It would be complicated to put out because of all the hazardous materials. And there's probably a high body count to contend with. Both my parents work at the plant. On a Saturday. Probably not. Worry is never productive. And you're not worried? Really? You don't have anyone out there to care about? To answer your previous question, it will likely take them a few days at the least before anyone looks for us, probably more. [ominous music] ♪ ♪ You okay? Why aren't you helping in the shelter? Well, I thought somebody should act as guard. Right. Right, so you're guarding everybody. Yeah, somebody should be out there just in case more come. Just being helpful. Yeah. Why? You don't believe me? I didn't say that. Why aren't you helping in the shelter? Your little friend's down there. Addie would understand. You bailing on her? We don't know what's wrong with them. Could be contagious. Yeah, I don't like it down there either. It's like a tomb. You should get some rest. I know when I need to rest. Hey. Finding anything interesting? Not anything that can help us. Hey, do you think it might have been, like, a terrorist strike? I mean, Mary did say she saw some smoke rising from the plant right before the explosion. It would take a powerful bomb to cause what happened out there. And they're not so easy to make. You know about making bombs? My dad was a chemist. So he used to do experiments with me instead of playing with dolls and tea parties and that sort of stuff. Used to? Was he at the plant today? He died a few years ago. Uh, yeah. Sorry. It's been a long time. I bet he would know exactly what's going on out there, though. He worked at Keller then? His whole life. He loved it. Yeah, both my parents work there. Smart parents. Yeah. They always wonder where I come from. [chuckles] It'd be awful to know that somebody actually did all this on purpose. [claps] All right, guys. Tomorrow we're gonna decide what we do next. For now, I want you all to go up and find a place to get some shut-eye. We can stay and help. Hey, no, you should go upstairs and get some rest. You can do whatever you want. Mom and Dad would want me to look after you. Mom and Dad would want me to look after you. Okay, great, then look after me upstairs. Well, you're all gonna go upstairs and leave me alone in peace and quiet. Get out. [door closes heavily] [ragged breathing] [sighs] [ominous music] ♪ ♪ Not a fan of cuddling? Not a fan of having to watch 'em do it. Not a fan of public cuddling. Puddling? Puddling? Publing? [both laugh] So I'm guessing no boyfriend. Not anymore. Was he at the plant? No. Yes, but that's not what I meant. [clears throat] We broke up... a couple days ago. Oh, sorry. I'm not. He must have done something awful. Which time? You don't strike me as someone who puts up with a lot. So... are you with somebody now? Not really. You're not sure? I'm sure that I don't have a regular boyfriend. Hmm. Well, you're better off. Hey. Hey. Wake up. How long are you gonna keep this up? It's been forever. I don't know what you're talking about. The snark, the bitch face. If I was giving you bitch face, you'd know it. Look; I'm sorry you can't understand what I did, but I didn't have a choice. I can't understand it. And you totally did have a choice. You didn't want anyone to think less of you, so you told everybody it was all me. I'm not the only one who went off the rails that night. Yeah, but only one of us got in trouble. You know what my mom is like with me. She would never let me forget it. Oh, and because my mom's just a waitress, it doesn't matter what she thinks? This is pointless. Hey, what is this? [scoffs] It's a hairnet. So do you think Mom and Dad made it? Yeah. I mean, at least twice. Once for you and once for me. I can't believe you're making jokes... now, in the middle of all this. It's better than being upset. Too late. [distant metallic clatter] [ominous music] ♪ ♪ What? Nothing. You know, our house is really close to the plant. They might not have been home today. You know Mom loves to go shopping on Saturdays. She always makes Dad go with. Come on. [ominous music builds to crescendo] ♪ ♪ So do you really need another sweatshirt that looks exactly like the one you're already wearing? Trust me. It'll smell better. So what do you think? - Mm. - Should we start dressing alike? Turn around. Why, so you can see them from the back? Yeah, so I can see them from the back. Ooh. [both chuckle] You know, your stupidity might be the only reason you're alive. Excuse me? Yeah, I mean, if you hadn't been here trying to meet your crazy crush, then you probably still would have been at home asleep, and I'd be the only one left alive from our family... with no one to laugh at my sick jokes. Well, then maybe you should thank her. Maybe I will. She'd love to know why you were here. You wouldn't. What? It's not gonna make a difference either way. You're never gonna get her. Ever. Not because I didn't try. You're an idiot. Sorry, I just... I can't stop thinking about them. Your brothers are probably okay. Your mom might have taken them over to the mall after she dropped you off. I want you to be right more than anything. Look, we can't think about it. Just assume my parents, my sister, your brothers, your mom are all okay. I hope so. Be all right. [distant clattering] You hear that? What's going on? Thought it was here. It was probably Noodle. Noodle! I'ma kick your ass when I find you. Come on. Let's go. [roaring and snarling] [screams] [both grunting] [gasping] [roaring and snarling] [screams] [loud crashing] [smacking and grunting] Yeah, Bubba. [smacking and grunting] [gagging and gurgling] [gasping] [panting and gasping] [metallic clatter] Oh, my god. There's another one. - No, we have to go back. - Shh! Shut up. We have to go back. Want me to leave you here while I go check it out? [whispers] No. We're just gonna see what's up there, okay? [shouts] It's just a pipe. [loud thud, electricity sizzles] [whimpering] [footsteps rattling] [shushes quietly] [breathing rapidly] [shouts] Whoa, whoa. Hey, what's with the weapon? I just killed Mr. H. You just killed the janitor? Why would you do that? He was Mr. H, but he wasn't Mr. H. - He... - He was like a monster. He attacked us. - What are you guys talking about? - He attacked us. There was something... - His eyes were all crazy and... - He was crazy strong. - What? - He was fast. He just came out of nowhere. He grabbed me... Okay, okay! Okay, you two need to tell the others. We'll tell the coach and figure out what to do next. All right. Come on. [ominous music] ♪ ♪ Coach? [ominous music] [all munching and growling] ♪ ♪ [loud thud resounds] [all snarling] [all snarling] [dramatic music] ♪ ♪ Come on. [all snarling] [smacks and grunts] ♪ ♪ [snarling] Let's go, go. Come on. - [all snarling] - Go! [door squeals and clangs] Grab that. - What? - Come on. [pipe clanking] ♪ ♪ [dramatic music stops abruptly] [faint thudding, pounding] Like... like vampires? I don't know. Vampires, zombies, chemical mutants, freaks. Does it matter? The coach was dead. - Everyone was eating him. - They were drinking. I'm pretty sure they were drinking him. That thing in the book store? - It just tried to take a bite into me. - It was awful. Addie would never do anything like this. I think our definition of "never" has been radically changed. Did you see Lyle? We know he was in the shelter, and no one down there was okay. - I need to see. - No, you can't. - No, but maybe we can help her. - You can't. Stop! The only people we can help now is ourselves. We need to get out of here. We can't get out of here. We can't sit in here. It's not safe. We should go out and find help. If you want to leave, so be it. I'd rather not be trapped in here with fools. Don't do it, dude. What'd you just say? I don't know a simpler way to say "fool." - I'ma kill you. - Stop. No right now. That quickly revert to the basest of human behavior. You should come with a translator. He said you're animals. Fighting each other is not helping anything. Look, we know that they went out, they got sick, they came back, and they transformed. It's the air. It has to be. So what do we do? Why you asking him? I say we treat it like we would if it was a radiation issue. Stay inside, tape off all the windows and doors to limit contamination. There could be more of them out there. So what, we block all the entrances? No, there could be more of them in here too. Oh, my god. We're gonna die here. Possibly, but do as I'm saying to improve your chances. Okay, so now what? Break into twos. Search the building. Make sure everything's locked and sealed. While you sit back here? I'm gonna try and rig the radio to ask for help. Do you mind? Are you okay? Of course I'm okay. That didn't seem okay. I'm fine, except my brother's trying to follow me into the bathroom. Go. Go. [water running] [ominous music] [ominous music swells] ♪ ♪ Previously on "The Vampire Diaries"... Who's thirsty? Julian took over our town. I suppose it wasn't so much of a takeover as a walk right in, nobody stopping you. Alaric's babies are the future of the coven. They're inside of you. I'm done, Mary Lou. It's over. I found this is my mail. It's a warning from the Huntress. Once you've been marked by her sword, she never stops hunting you. There's no stopping her, ever. If my friends' lives are in danger, I'm not gonna stand by and do nothing. You came out of the Phoenix Stone, but you thought you were still inside of it. Hell messes with you, , Damon. - But post-hell... - Peekaboo. Is much worse. Can't you find someone else to haunt? ! I can't leave until you find liberation. I'm not doing this with you anymore. I promised you liberation. No! No! Elena! Whoa! You okay, man? Mind giving me a hand? What are you doing out here? I don't know. I thought it would make me feel better. Okay. Should I call someone or...? What's your name? It's Cooper. Cooper, you ever done something so unspeakably horrific you couldn't even look yourself in the mirror? Like, it literally makes you ill to see your own reflection? And be honest now. I ran over my girlfriend's cat a couple months ago and didn't tell her. Even though it was an accident, I threw the body in a supermarket Dumpster. I killed the love of my life. Burned her alive while she was asleep. I also beat one of her best friends till he was unconscious and left him for dead, if we're keeping score. I think I'm just gonna go. Actually, I can use a ride. I thought Elena had changed me. I thought she made me a better man, but... I was wrong. I was so wrong. It was always gonna end up this way. With me destroying her. That's what my whole tour of duty in the Phoenix Stone taught me is that I'm permanently damaged goods. You ever feel that way, Cooper? Hmm? Not really. Well, you're lucky. Coop, I'm gonna kill you now. Excuse me? Oh, it's nothing personal. I'm hungry, you're food. Think of it as a stop at a drive-thru window. You know, you'll be afraid, I won't care. Honestly, I can't imagine caring about anyone ever again. Not a single solitary soul. ♪ Ah... oh, no ♪ ♪ Ah... oh, no ♪ ♪ Ah... oh, no ♪ ♪ No, she don't mess around ♪ Dear Elena, I realized I haven't written in a while. I'm sorry. Apparently, pregnancy eats at your brain. Anyway, we all miss you. And Stefan's finally bouncing back from his days in that Phoenix Stone hell. But he's worried about Damon. A lot more so than usual. Hey. Sorry, I was trying to track down my brother. Curly fries or waffle? I brought both. All of them, everything. Gimme, gimme, gimme! Mmm! Oh, my God! I love you. Are you talking to me or are you talking to the fries? Do you want me to lie to you? Hmm. Hi. I love you, too. Did you find him? - No. - Okay. Let me just chow down this cheeseburger, and then I will help you track him down. Oh! Are they kicking again? Mm-hmm, yeah. Just... Ow! Yeah, that wasn't very nice. Aah... - Hey, you okay? - Mm-hmm. I think I should just, um... I'm just gonna stand up. Okay. For a second. Hey, hey, Caroline. Hey, Caroline! Caroline! So, crossbow, stake gun, wooden ammo, grenades filled with, uh... Vervain. Vervain, right. And you confiscated this stuff from a group of zombie apocalypse survivalists? That's what I said. Uh-huh. I heard Mystic Falls has become a nutball magnet for all sorts of supernatural thrill-seekers. People have a lot of spare time on their hands. - Anything else, Officer Ares? - No. You're free to go. Here's your wallet, keys and phone. notifications are blowing up. Lucky you. Mine's crickets. You can call me Penny, by the way. And I didn't officially book you last night, so you know, you're welcome. Thanks. Hey, chin up. Turns out they aren't letting your town burn to the ground after all. What do you mean? My friend Doug got a call from the Mystic Falls city planning office this morning. They said he should come reclaim his house today. Something about the fire-risk zone being reevaluated? Do you know what street Doug lives on? Just to make things interesting. Bull's-eye! And for your courage, my bold friend, how would you like to make your new home at 224 Harmony Lane? Mr. and Mrs. Leonard here have been called back to town so that they might invite you in. Who's next? I'll give it a go. Hmm. Isn't this cozy? How nice it must feel to be surrounded by degenerate yes-men. How safe it must seem. Valerie, I'm struggling to comprehend you showing your face within 200 miles of me. I really only wanted to give you something that was delivered to me by mistake. It's a shame someone won't be letting you feel safe for long. Phesmatos invenira venatrixos isto gladulla onyx. Phesmatos invenira venatrixos isto gladulla onyx. Ohio? Are you sure this isn't a prank or something? It's not a prank. A ruthless killing machine is on her way to hunt us all down. But why announce herself with a cryptic postcard? Isn't the element of surprise a basic principle of good vampire hunting? Not for Rayna Cruz. Rayna has a taste for taunting her victims. Like a cat nibbling the legs off a spider. What are you doing here? You got one, too. And what about Julian? No. But I said we'd take care of the problem. For all our sakes. Your vampire huntress is currently residing somewhere in Cincinnati. Let's get going, Nora. The sooner she's dead, the better. Do think I just did that locator spell for a tune-up? I'm going with you. We're good, thanks. Uh, I wasn't asking. The last thing I need is a so-called ruthless killing machine going after any of my friends. I need to protect them and it's not like I can trust either one of you to take her down. And what makes you think we trust you? I trust her. She actually cares about the well-being of others. Unlike you, who only cares about pleasing Julian. I call shotgun. - When did you get this? - There it is. That's the look I've been yearning to see. Why, Julian, dare I say you seem afraid? What a shame to think you just made yourself a home here, and now you have to run. Kyle, if you kill this shrew right now, I'll throw in the Lincoln family Buick. Well, I feel happier. What did I say would happen if you ever harmed one of my men again? Hmm? Hmm, I think it was something about you gutting me and feeding my entrails to Stefan. Mm-hmm. Bring it on. She's napping now, but she's okay. Her heart's a little weak, but the babies appear to be totally fine. Are you sure? She collapsed. That's not normal. Well, it's not abnormal, either. Her blood vessels have dilated, which can lower blood pressure. You know, it's best to keep the father in the loop in situations like this. Would you like for me to contact her boyfriend? I'm her boyfriend... Um, yeah, no. He's in, the father's in Dallas for a job interview. I'll... I'll call him. Hey. Hey. Scared me there for a minute. What is this? Is my hand desiccating? You have ten seconds left to live. Any last words? - "Last words"? - Mm. Whoa. That's a lot of pressure. I guess if I had to, I would phrase it as a question. What's the deal with the "X marks the spot" postcard? Hmm? Who are you running from, Big J? Well, that's not the concern of a dead man. Perhaps something a little more poetic. Two seconds. It wouldn't happen to be a sword-wielding vixen that sent your ass straight to hell, would it? Ooh, ooh! I've hit a nerve. Hell-hottie afoot. The end times are near. I mean, I'm assuming she's hot, right? Hmm? Hmm, I get it. You're still in a little self-destructive spiral from your not-so-fantastic voyage into the Phoenix Stone. You think? Well, Lily was my touchstone. She was the very thing that tethered me to my sanity. And when I lost her, well, that's when things really went off the rails. Hmm? So who did you lose? Not Lily, not Stefan. Who was that epic love in the box? Huh? Was it Helena? Or Eleanor? - Or...? - Elena. Elena. How is darling Elena? I burned her alive. See, I can't help but feel a little bit responsible for what's happened. Why don't we have some fun? Shall we? Hmm? You know I love games. And I think I have just the outlet for the overwhelming pain you must be feeling. Since when do you eat disgusting garbage food? Since I stopped caring about getting that exact reaction. I have a question. If Rayna was chasing you through Europe in the 19th century, how exactly is she still alive? She was spelled to be a vampire huntress by shamans. They created that sword for her and imbued her with extraordinary strength. Why shouldn't they give her a very long life to go with it? Hey, do you remember that reading from class last week? You know, the one about those fragments of Native American myths? Uh, the everlastings. Ah, the everlastings. Am I meant to be impressed you're study buddies - at a second-rate college? - No. But feel free to try and be civil. Otherwise, we will be more than happy to drop you off at the side of the road, and you can hitch a ride back to whatever rock you've been living under. Well, that's not good. Yeah, duh, that's why we called you. Can you just be witchy and fix it? May I? ♪ ♪ - What did you just do? - I didn't do anything. - What's that supposed to mean? - I think these babies are siphons, like me. What? And I'm afraid they might be feeding off your blood. As in, they're literally siphoning the vampire magic out of your body. Nuthouse for the criminally insane. Seems promising. She is a deranged serial vampire killer. Maybe karma caught up with her. I'm sorry, I'm gonna need to see some I.D.s. We're authorized personnel here to see a patient by the name of Rayna Cruz. Tell us where to find her. Rayna Cruz, room 658, north wing. So do we actually have a plan here? If we find her, we kill her. You'll probably just watch. Don't be so cavalier, okay? You know what she's capable of? Okay. This is your vicious, terrifying, big bad huntress? Got it. I set up some sparring matches for the new residents of Mystic Falls. I thought it'd be fun to dole out the houses and their owners to the winners. And the losers, well... the losers die, sadly. It's been my experience over the centuries that the only true remedy for extreme mental anguish... raw physical brutality. ♪ ♪ You really want to feel pain, Damon? Get in there. ♪ ♪ Come on! Hello? Anyone home? Hello? Doug, are you at home? What are you doing here? What does it look like? I followed you. Put the gun down. You need to leave now. First, tell me what's going on. What's going on? Oh, my God. What? Wooden bullets. If you're gonna wear a uniform in Mystic Falls, you need wooden bullets. What is it? It's a talisman spelled with magic. I'm hoping the babies will pull from it instead of you. And if they don't? They still have to bake in there a little bit longer. And I haven't even done the thank you notes from the baby shower yet. If it doesn't work, I'll find something stronger. I won't let anything bad happen, I promise. Thank you. - My pleasure. - No, really. You know, we're not meant to like each other, you and I, which makes what you're doing all that much nicer. So thank you. I'll be back. Better start getting used to the coffee. Doctor asked her to stay for observation. The desiccation hasn't come back. I think the babies have been siphoning very slowly for a long time. She just didn't realize it. And try not to worry. It doesn't do any good. By the way, um, have you spoken to your brother today? No, he hasn't been returning my calls. Why? Have you? I saw him... earlier at the Mystic Grill. He seemed to be very intent on getting under Julian's skin. He made quite a show of decapitating one of his men. What? Why would he do that? Julian warned us to stay away from his friends. Seemed like he had a bit of a death wish to me. Feeling better yet? What else you got? I'm sorry, what did you say your names were again? I'm Bonnie, she's Nora, that's Mary Louise. And you're Rayna, right? Sounds right. And we don't look familiar to you? Should you? Considering you're a murderous vampire-hunting bitch who chased us across Europe for decades, yeah, we should look familiar. You sent one of these to all of us. Ring a bell? I'm afraid I don't know what any of that means. You wouldn't happen to have a cookie, would you? They only feed me through a tube these days. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? We should stop stalling and slit her throat? No, we're thinking this couldn't possibly be the woman we're looking for. She couldn't send a postcard let alone kill a vampire. We don't know that for sure. Why should we risk it? I'm not letting you kill an old woman whose only cold-blooded ruthless mission is to eat a ginger snap. Bonnie's right. Of course she is. Bonnie's right about everything. She's perfect. We'll keep looking. She's probably here under another name. I'll keep looking. You stay here and bat your eyes. Go help her look for her. Why? She's being surly. Yeah, isn't that the point? The point of what? You're using me to make her jealous. And it's working. I'm tired of being in the middle of it, so just go help her look for her. Sampson! Sampson! Sampson! Sampson! Sampson! Sampson! Sam here has never lost a fight. Perhaps the pain he inflicts will finally feel like atonement. Rip his head off! Yeah! Rip his head off! What the...? No weapons! Those are the rules! All right, Damon. I think we're done here. No. I want to go again. I'm afraid I've grown bored of this game. Who's next? Huh? Who's next? I am. You want to fight again? Then you fight me next. Damon! Damon! What the hell's going on? You made a wrong turn, brother. This isn't some hell survivor support group. - Are you in or out? - Hey. Do not get into that ring. Leave with me right now. Whatever's going on, we will figure it out. Are you in or are you out? I'm in. Thought you might like some terrible reading material and some real food. Seeing as you're eating for three and Jell-O won't cut it. Uh, where's Stefan? He had to step out for a bit. Step out where? Step out where, Valerie? He went to Mystic Falls. Damon's gotten himself into some trouble with Julian. - What? - No, I-I told him he didn't have to worry, that I would stay here and look after you. Yeah, of course you did. God, if you hate Julian so much, - can't you just go kill him yourself? - What? No, it's-it's not about that. You want Stefan to defend your honor by killing Julian, so he can prove that he still cares about you. No, of course not. I just... You have to go make sure Stefan's okay. I'm serious. I don't want you here with me, I want you there with him. I feel fine. So just go. What are you doing? This guy's got 300 years on you. Then it should be a good fight. Hey. That stone is still messing with your head, Damon. Let me help you get through it. There's nothing to get through, Stefan. This is what I deserve. Deserve? What are you talking about? What do you deserve, huh? You don't back off, brother, I will destroy you like I've destroyed everything good I've ever touched. Something happened to you. Tell me. Tell me what happened to you, Damon. Will someone please escort Stefan off the premises? I'm not just gonna walk away and let you fight this guy to the death. Doesn't look like you have much say in the matter. Don't do this, Damon. Don't do this! Godspeed, brother. Hard to believe they don't have vending machines in high-security psychiatric prisons, but I managed to snag you an oatmeal cookie. From someone else's meal tray. What was your name again? Bonnie. You seem like a nice girl, Bonnie. What's a nice girl like you doing with two deviant vampires? So you are the Huntress. Mm. I don't think you can really call me that anymore. Now I'm just an old woman in a dingy room, waiting to die. How did you end up here? I was careless. The drive to kill... the drive instilled upon me by the shamans... it got a little scrambled in my old age. I staked a checkout girl at the supermarket. My mistake. Could you... help me with the cookie, please? Mo... motus... I'm afraid your magic won't work on me. Now untie my hands before I crush your windpipe to dust. Who the hell are you? Hey. You all right? I'm fine. What are you doing here? It's a long story, luv. Let's just say, for today, that I'm your guardian angel. Whoo. I never had a brother. No siblings at all, actually. Seems I dodged a bullet there. That makes sense. You were a lonely little tadpole. That's why you need to surround yourself with lowlife, degenerate bloodsuckers like these. At least I have friends. Bravo! You've driven away every last soul who ever cared for you. Well, I guess I'll just have to cuddle up next to the fire with all my rage. You're not really looking for your brother, are you? I mean, even if Stefan did come back, what do you think he would do when he found out what you did to Elena? Go ahead. Rip my heart out. You know it's not that I wouldn't love to do it, but... are you sure? Do it. Listen to me. If you let Julian rip your heart out, I will kill him and then every single person here will instantly rip my head off. But you don't care, do you? Your life doesn't matter and neither does mine, does it? Come on, brother. Come on. If they come back, kill them! Where have you been? Just fell off the face of the earth. You missed me! That warms my heart. I didn't miss you, I'm curious as to your recent whereabouts. There's a difference. What, Matt didn't tell you? Thought he'd be crowing all over town he'd called in some shadowy organization to hunt me down and cage me up. Matt did that? It didn't turn out the way he'd expected, guarantee you that. Now, look, we've got to get this body out of here before someone notices so a bit of cloaking would probably be helpful. Are you all right? I'm fine, considering I was almost strangled to death by an 80-year-old psychopath. Did you know the Huntress was immune to magic? I had no idea, I swear. That lying little weasel. Hey. Where are you going? Nowhere in particular, I don't have a destination. So you don't have anything to say about what happened back there? Huh? Huh? You're right, Stefan. Giving Julian the satisfaction of ripping my heart out would have been a mistake. Thanks for the intervention. - That's it? - That's it. You're just gonna walk away, you're gonna flip your switch. Flip my switch? I'm not gonna "flip my switch," Stefan. I want to feel pain. I want to feel every miserable moment of this miserable life. What is this about? What did you do? I killed her. I killed Elena. What do you... what do you mean, you killed Elena? It was all Henry's idea. Told me I needed to free my true self so I kidnapped Tyler and made him take me to her coffin. And then I burned her to ashes. So go ahead. Stand by me. Tell me you'll never walk away. Go ahead, Stefan, come on. Do it. Do it! ♪ ♪ Should probably get back to the hospital. Should I drive? I hate to think we survived all that just to have you kill us both on the road. I'm fine. You don't seem fine. This is all Julian's fault. Took Lily away from me when I was too young to lose a mother. He hurt you. He killed our child. He destroyed Damon. He has my home. He has my town. And what do I do? I let him live. He's strong and well-protected. There's revenge and then there's stupidity. Damon might not understand the difference, but you're smarter. I don't want to be the smart one anymore. I want him dead. If you're about to say, "Penny for your thoughts," I'm gonna punch you in the face. I wasn't. Pretty sure I already know what you're thinking. I'm processing. Just give me a minute. So vampires are a thing, and Mystic Falls has always had vampires, but now it's been completely overrun. Anything else I should know about? I think that's enough for one night. So that's what the weapons in your truck were for, fighting vampires. Are you crazy? What are you still doing in this place? I don't talk to my parents. My sister's dead. This town is the only constant I have. Besides, once you know the supernatural is real, there's really nowhere to hide. Might as well just take a stand, right? You are 100% not who I thought you were. I mean, I thought you were cute, maybe a little damaged, in a sweet way. But I didn't know that you were insanely brave. Emphasis on the "insane." I thought you'd be back in Mystic Falls by now. I just, uh... wanted to say thank you. For today. We still make a good team, don't you think? Well, Rayna's dead. Julian's safe. You'll surely sleep easy tonight. ♪ Should I go somewhere else ♪ ♪ And hide my face? ♪ Do you like her? Bonnie? And what if I did? She's beautiful. Smart and loyal. And you appear to be only two of those things. I'm sorry I chose Julian. If I could take it back, I would choose you. Every time. I love you, Nora. I hope you'll forgive me someday. We do... still make a good team. Okay, so you're both awake. I get it. I'm bored, too. And I know that my magic blood tastes really good, but you're both gonna have to show just a little bit of self-control for a little bit longer, okay? Why don't we watch some TV? Hmm? Ow. Stefan. Stefan, what a surprise. Can I buy you a drink? No, thank you. I really admire what you did for your brother today. You know, it's a shame nothing will come of it. I'm afraid your brother's too far gone to be rehabilitated. Hmm, you're probably right. Of course, uh... that's all your fault for running that sword through him and sending him to hell. Do you really think it's wise... to brazenly attack me in front of all my friends? they can't see you. Maybe this is cheating... but I don't really care. ♪ ♪ Hello. Again. You never said thank you. Big Sam was about to snap your head off. I tossed you that stick. Right. Sorry, I'm having trouble keeping track of all the people trying to save me today. Promise I won't do it again. You like tequila? More of a bourbon man, but... what do I got to lose? ♪ So blow us a kiss ♪ ♪ Blow us a kiss ♪ ♪ Blow us a kiss ♪ ♪ We'll blow you to pieces ♪ ♪ We're killing strangers ♪ ♪ We're killing strangers... ♪ ♪ We're killing strangers ♪ ♪ So we don't kill the ones... ♪ You see? I knew if I sent those postcards one of the heretics would lead me right to you. ♪ We're killing strangers ♪ ♪ We're killing strangers... ♪ ♪ We're killing strangers ♪ ♪ So we don't kill ♪ ♪ The ones that we love ♪ ♪ We're killing strangers ♪ ♪ We got guns ♪ ♪ We're killing strangers ♪ ♪ Oh, we got guns ♪ We're killing strangers ♪ - ♪ So we don't kill... ♪ - We got guns. ♪ The ones that we love ♪ ♪ Love ♪ ♪ Love ♪ ♪ Love. ♪ What are you doing here? Caroline's safe. I got her out. She's with Rick now. Damon's still inside. I managed to disable the security cameras so no one can see out here, but I'm worried the ones on the roof are on a different circuit. All right, I did it. He's out. Now I never see you again, right? Yes, thank you. Have a nice life. Previously onTheVampireDiaries... Who's thirsty? (Whooping) Juliantookoverour town. I suppose it wasn't so much of a takeover as a walk right in, nobody stopping you. Alaric's babies are the future of the coven. They'reinsideof you. I'm done, Mary Lou. It's over. I found this in my mail. It's a warning from the huntress. Once you've been marked by her sword, she never stops hunting you. There's no stopping her, ever. If my friends' lives are in danger, I'm not gonna stand by and do nothing. Stefan: Youcameout ofthePhoenixstone, butyouthoughtyou were stillinsideof it . Hell messes with you, (Whispers): Damon. But post-hell... Peekaboo. ...is much worse. Can't you find someone else to haunt? ! I can't leave until you find liberation. I'm not doing this with you anymore. I promised you liberation. No! No! Elena! (Insects trilling) (Car horn honking) (Tires screech) Whoa! You okay, man? Mind giving me a hand? What are you doing out here? I don't know. I thought it would make me feel better. Okay. Should I call someone or...? What's your name? It's Cooper. Cooper, you ever done something so unspeakably horrific you couldn't even look yourself in the mirror? Like, it literally makes you ill to see your own reflection? And be honest now. I ran over my girlfriend's cat a couple months ago and didn't tell her. Even though it was an accident, I threw the body in a supermarket dumpster. I killed the love of my life. Burned her alive while she was asleep. I also beat one of her best friends till he was unconscious and left him for dead, if we're keeping score. (Short laugh) I think I'm just gonna go. Actually, I can use a ride. I thought Elena had changed me. I thought she made me a better man, but... I was wrong. I was so wrong. It was always gonna end up this way. With me destroying her. That's what my whole tour of duty in the Phoenix stone taught me is that I'm permanently damaged goods. You ever feel that way, Cooper? Hmm? Not really. Well, you're lucky. Coop, I'm gonna kill you now. Excuse me? Oh, it's nothing personal. I'm hungry, you're food. Think of it as a stop at a drive-thru window. You know, you'll be afraid, I won't care. Honestly, I can't imagine caring about anyone ever again. Not a single solitary soul. (Screaming) (Tires screech) ¶ Ah... oh, no ¶ ¶ ah... Oh, no ¶ ¶ ah... oh, no ¶ ¶ no, she don't mess around ¶ ¶ no, she don't mess around ¶ ¶ no, she don't mess around. ¶ Caroline: DearElena, IrealizedIhaven't writteninawhile. I'msorry. Apparently,pregnancy eatsatyourbrain. Anyway,weallmissyou. AndStefan's finallybouncingback fromhisdays inthatPhoenixstonehell . Buthe'sworriedaboutDamon. Alotmoresothan usual. (Door opens) Hey. Sorry, I was trying to track down my brother. Curly fries or waffle? I brought both. All of them, everything. (Gasps) Gimme, gimme, gimme! Mmm! Oh, my God! I love you. Are you talking to me or are you talking to the fries? Do you want me to lie to you? Hmm. (Chuckles) Hi. I love you, too. Did you find him? No. Okay. Let me just chow down this cheeseburger, and then I will help you track him down. Oh! Are they kicking again? Mm-hmm, yeah. Just... Ow! (Laughs) Yeah, that wasn't very nice. Aah... Hey, you okay? Mm-hmm. I think I should just, um... I'm just gonna stand up. Okay. For a second. Hey, hey, Caroline. Hey, Caroline! Caroline! So, crossbow, stake gun, wooden ammo, grenades filled with, uh... Vervain. Vervain, right. And you confiscated this stuff from a group of zombie apocalypse survivalists? That's what I said. Uh-huh. I heard Mystic Falls has become a nutball magnet for all sorts of supernatural thrill-seekers. People have a lot of spare time on their hands. Anything else, officer Ares? No. You're free to go. (Keys jingle) Here's your wallet, keys and phone. notifications are blowing up. Lucky you. Mine's crickets. You can call me penny, by the way. And I didn't officially book you last night, so you know, you're welcome. Thanks. Hey, chin up. Turns out they aren't letting your town burn to the ground after all. What do you mean? My friend Doug got a call from the Mystic Falls city planning office this morning. They said he should come reclaim his house today. Something about the fire-risk zone being reevaluated? Do you know what street Doug lives on? Just to make things interesting. (All cheering) Bull's-eye! And for your courage, my bold friend, how would you like to make your new home at 224 harmony Lane? Mr. and Mrs. Leonard here have been called back to town so that they might invite you in. Who's next? I'll give it a go. Hmm. Isn't this cozy? How nice it must feel to be surrounded by degenerate yes-men. How safe it must seem. Valerie, I'm struggling to comprehend you showing your face within 200 Miles of me. I really only wanted to give you something that was delivered to me by mistake. It's a shame someone won't be letting you feel safe for long. (Both chanting indistinctly) Both: Phesmatosinveniravenatrixos istogladullaonyx. Phesmatosinvenira venatrixosistogladullaonyx. Ohio? Are you sure this isn't a prank or something? It's not a prank. A ruthless killing machine is on her way to hunt us all down. Bonnie: But why announce herself with a cryptic postcard? Isn't the element of surprise a basic principle of good vampire hunting? Not for Rayna Cruz. Rayna has a taste for taunting her victims. Like a cat nibbling the legs off a spider. What are you doing here? You got one, too. And what about Julian? No. But I said we'd take care of the problem. For all our sakes. Your vampire huntress is currently residing somewhere in Cincinnati. Let's get going, Nora. The sooner she's dead, the better. Do think I just did that locator spell for a tune-up? I'm going with you. We're good, thanks. Uh, I wasn't asking. The last thing I need is a so-called ruthless killing machine going after any of my friends. I need to protect them and it's not like I can trust either one of you to take her down. And what makes you think we trust you? I trust her. She actually cares about the well-being of others. Unlike you, who only cares about pleasing Julian. I call shotgun. When did you get this? There it is. That's the look I've been yearning to see. Why, Julian, dare I say you seem afraid? What a shame to think you just made yourself a home here, and now you have to run. Kyle, if you kill this shrew right now, I'll throw in the Lincoln family buick. Well, I feel happier. What did I say would happen if you ever harmed one of my men again? Hmm? Hmm, I think (Snaps fingers) It was something about you gutting me and feeding my entrails to Stefan. Mm-hmm. Bring it on. (Monitor beeping rhythmically) She's napping now, but she's okay. Her heart's a little weak, but the babies appear to be totally fine. Are you sure? She collapsed. That's not normal. Well, it's not abnormal, either. Her blood vessels have dilated, which can lower blood pressure. You know, it's best to keep the father in the loop in situations like this. Would you like for me to contact her boyfriend? I'm her boyfriend... Um, yeah, no. He's in, the father's in Dallas for a job interview. I'll... I'll call him. (Door opens, closes) Hey. Hey. Scared me there for a minute. What is this? Is my hand desiccating? You have ten seconds left to live. Any last words? "Last words"? Mm. Whoa. That's a lot of pressure. I guess if I had to, I would phrase it as a question. What's the deal with the "x marks the spot" postcard? Hmm? Who are you running from, big j? Well, that's not the concern of a dead man. Perhaps something a little more poetic. Two seconds. It wouldn't happen to be a sword-wielding vixen that sent your ass straight to hell, would it? Ooh, ooh! I've hit a nerve. Hell-hottie afoot. The end times are near. I mean, I'm assuming she's hot, right? (Laughing) Hmm? Hmm, I get it. (Chuckles) You're still in a little self-destructive spiral from your not-so-fantastic voyage into the Phoenix stone. You think? Well, lily was my touchstone. She was the very thing that tethered me to my sanity. And when I lost her, well, that's when things really went off the rails. Hmm? So who did you lose? Not lily, not Stefan. Who was that epic love in the box? Huh? Was it Helena? Or Eleanor? Or...? Elena. Elena. (Chuckles) How is darling Elena? I burned her alive. See, I can't help but feel a little bit responsible for what's happened. Why don't we have some fun? Shall we? Hmm? You know I love games. And I think I have just the outlet for the overwhelming pain you must be feeling. Since when do you eat disgusting garbage food? Since I stopped caring about getting that exact reaction. Bonnie: I have a question. If Rayna was chasing you through Europe in the 19th century, how exactly is she still alive? She was spelled to be a vampire huntress by shamans. They created that sword for her and imbued her with extraordinary strength. Why shouldn't they give her a very long life to go with it? Nora: Hey, do you remember that reading from class last week? You know, the one about those fragments of native American myths? Uh, the everlastings. Ah, the everlastings. (Chuckles) Am I meant to be impressed you're study buddies at a second-rate college? No. But feel free to try and be civil. Otherwise, we will be more than happy to drop you off at the side of the road, and you can hitch a ride back to whatever rock you've been living under. (Chuckles) (Bonnie and Nora laugh) Well, that's not good. Yeah, duh, that's why we called you. Can you just be witchy and fix it? May I? ¶ ¶ what did you just do? Ididn'tdo anything. What's that supposed to mean? I think these babies are siphons, like me. What? And I'm afraid they might be feeding off your blood. As in, they're literally siphoning the vampire magic out of your body. Bonnie: Nuthouse for thecriminallyinsane. Bonnie: Seems promising. She is a deranged serial vampire killer. Maybe karma caught up with her. I'm sorry, I'm gonna need to see some I.D.S. Nora: We're authorized personnel here to see a patient by the name of Rayna Cruz. Tell us where to find her. (Keyboard clacking) Rayna Cruz, room 658, north wing. So do we actually have a plan here? If we find her, we kill her. You'll probably just watch. Don't be so cavalier, okay? You know what she's capable of? Okay. This is your vicious, terrifying, big bad huntress? Got it. ¶ ¶ (crowd roars) (Laughs) I set up some sparring matches for the new residents of Mystic Falls. I thought it'd be fun to dole out the houses and their owners to the winners. And the losers, well... The losers die, sadly. (Grunting) (Crowd cheering) (Cheering loudly) (Punches thudding) (Man screams) (Punches thudding) (Cheering loudly) It's been my experience over the centuries that the only true remedy for extreme mental anguish raw physical brutality. (Cheering) ¶ ¶ (Julian whoops) You really want to feel pain, Damon? Get in there. ¶ ¶ (Julian whoops) Come on! Hello? Anyone home? Hello? Doug, are you at home? What are you doing here? What does it look like? I followed you. Put the gun down. You need to leave now. First, tell me what's going on. What's going on? (Snarling) Oh, my God. What? Wooden bullets. If you're gonna wear a uniform in Mystic Falls, you need wooden bullets. (Monitor beeping rhythmically) What is it? It's a talisman spelled with magic. I'm hoping the babies will pull from it instead of you. And if they don't? They still have to bake in there a little bit longer. And I haven't even done the thank you notes from the baby shower yet. If it doesn't work, I'll find something stronger. I won't let anything bad happen, I promise. Thank you. My pleasure. No, really. You know, we're not meant to like each other, you and I, which makes what you're doing all that much nicer. So thank you. I'll be back. Better start getting used to the coffee. Doctor asked her to stay for observation. The desiccation hasn't come back. I think the babies have been siphoning very slowly for a long time. She just didn't realize it. And try not to worry. It doesn't do any good. By the way, um, have you spoken to your brother today? No, he hasn't been returning my calls. Why? Have you? I saw him... earlier at the mystic grill. He seemed to be very intent on getting under Julian's skin. He made quite a show of decapitating one of his men. What? Why would he do that? Julian warned us to stay away from his friends. Seemed like he had a bit of a death wish to me. (Sighs) (Grunting) (Crowd cheers) (Growls) Feeling better yet? What else you got? I'm sorry, what did you say your names were again? I'm Bonnie, she's Nora, that's Mary Louise. And you're Rayna, right? Sounds right. And we don't look familiar to you? Should you? Considering you're a murderous vampire-hunting bitch who chased us across Europe for decades, yeah, we should look familiar. You sent one of these to all of us. Ring a bell? I'm afraid I don't know what any of that means. You wouldn't happen to have a cookie, would you? They only feed me through a tube these days. Nora: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? We should stop stalling and slit her throat? No, we're thinking this couldn't possibly be the woman we're looking for. She couldn't send a postcard let alone kill a vampire. We don't know that for sure. Why should we risk it? I'm not letting you kill an old woman whose only cold-blooded ruthless mission is to eat a ginger snap. Bonnie's right. Of course she is. Bonnie's right about everything. She's perfect. We'll keep looking. She's probably here under another name. I'll keep looking. You stay here and bat your eyes. Go help her look for her. Why? She's being surly. Yeah, isn't that the point? The point of what? You're using me to make her jealous. And it's working. I'm tired of being in the middle of it, so just go help her look for her. Crowd (Chanting): Sampson! Sampson! Sampson! Sampson! Sampson! Sampson! (Chanting continues) Sam here has never lost a fight. Perhaps the pain he inflicts will finally feel like atonement. (Cheering) ¶ ¶ (roars) (Crowd cheering) (Whooping, cheering) (Grunts) Man: Rip his head off! Woman: Yeah! Rip his head off! (Crowd chanting and shouting) (Crowd continues shouting) What the...? (Stake clatters) No weapons! Those are the rules! All right, Damon. I think we're done here. (Hoarse): No. I want to go again. I'm afraid I've grown bored of this game. Who's next? Huh? Who's next? I am. (Cheering) You want to fight again? Then you fight me next. (Crowd cheering loudly) Stefan: Damon! Damon! What the hell's going on? You made a wrong turn, brother. This isn't some hell survivor support group. Are you in or out? Hey. Do not get into that ring. Leave with me right now. Whatever's going on, we will figure it out. Are you in or are you out? I'm in. (Crowd cheering) (Door opens) Valerie: Thought you might like some terrible reading material and some real food. Seeing as you're eating for three and jell-o won't cut it. Uh, where's Stefan? He had to step out for a bit. Step out where? Step out where, Valerie? He went to Mystic Falls. Damon's gotten himself into some trouble with Julian. What? No, I-I told him he didn't have to worry, that I would stay here and look after you. Yeah, of course you did. God, if you hate Julian so much, can't you just go kill him yourself? What? No, it's-it's not about that. You want Stefan to defend your honor by killing Julian, so he can prove that he still cares about you. No, of course not. I just... You have to go make sure Stefan's okay. I'm serious. I don't want you here with me, I want you there with him. I feel fine. So just go. (Door opens, closes) (Sighs) What are you doing? This guy's got 300 years on you. Then it should be a good fight. Hey. That stone is still messing with your head, Damon. Let me help you get through it. There's nothing to get through, Stefan. This is what I deserve. Deserve? What are you talking about? What do you deserve, huh? You don't back off, brother, I will destroy you like I've destroyed everything good I've ever touched. Something happened to you. Tell me. Tell me what happened to you, Damon. Will someone please escort Stefan off the premises? I'm not just gonna walk away and let you fight this guy to the death. Doesn't look like you have much say in the matter. Don't do this, Damon. Don't do this! Godspeed, brother. (Crowd cheering) Hard to believe they don't have vending machines in high-security psychiatric prisons, but I managed to snag you an oatmeal cookie. From someone else's meal tray. What was your name again? Bonnie. You seem like a nice girl, Bonnie. What's a nice girl like you doing with two deviant vampires? So you are the huntress. Mm. I don't think you can really call me that anymore. Now I'm just an old woman in a dingy room, waiting to die. How did you end up here? I was careless. The drive to kill-- the drive instilled upon me by the shamans-- it got a little scrambled in my old age. I staked a checkout girl at the supermarket. My mistake. Could you... Help me with the cookie, please? (Gasps, chokes) Mo...motus... I'm afraid your magic won't work on me. (Chokes) Now untie my hands before I crush your windpipe to dust. Who the hell are you? Hey. You all right? I'm fine. What are you doing here? It's a long story, luv. Let's just say, for today, that I'm your guardian angel. (Crowd cheering) (Cheering loudly) Whoo. I never had a brother. No siblings at all, actually. Seems I dodged a bullet there. That makes sense. You were a lonely little tadpole. That's why you need to surround yourself with lowlife, degenerate bloodsuckers like these. At least I have friends. Man: Bravo! You've driven away every last soul who ever cared for you. Well, I guess I'll just have to cuddle up next to the fire with all my rage. (Whooping, cheering) (Sounds slow and fade) (Distant cheering) (Julian chuckles) You're not really looking for your brother, are you? I mean, even if Stefan did come back, what do you think he would do when he found out what you did to Elena? Go ahead. Rip my heart out. You know it's not that I wouldn't love to do it, but... are you sure? Do it. (Crowd whooping wildly) (Grunts) (High-pitched tone sounding) Listen to me. If you let Julian rip your heart out, I will kill him and then every single person here will instantly rip my head off. But you don't care, do you? Your life doesn't matter and neither does mine, does it? Come on, brother. Come on. (Crowd jeering) (High-pitched tone continues) (Jeering continues) (High-pitched tone stops) (Jeering continues) If they come back, kill them! Where have you been? Just fell off the face of the earth. You missed me! That warms my heart. I didn't miss you, I'm curious as to your recent whereabouts. There's a difference. What, Matt didn't tell you? Thought he'd be crowing all over town he'd called in some shadowy organization to hunt me down and cage me up. Matt did that? It didn't turn out the way he'd expected, guarantee you that. Now, look, we've got to get this body out of here before someone notices so a bit of cloaking would probably be helpful. Nora: Areyouallright? I'm fine, considering I was almost strangled to death by an 80-year-old psychopath. Did you know the huntress was immune to magic? I had no idea, I swear. That lying little weasel. Stefan: Hey. Where are you going? Nowhere in particular; I don't have a destination. So you don't have anything to say about what happened back there? Huh? Huh? You're right, Stefan. Giving Julian the satisfaction of ripping my heart out would have been a mistake. Thanks for the intervention. That's it? That's it. You're just gonna walk away, you're gonna flip your switch. Flip my switch? I'm not gonna "flip my switch," Stefan. I want to feel pain. I want to feel every miserable moment of this miserable life. What is this about? What did you do? I killed her. I killed Elena. What do you... what do you mean, you killed Elena? It was all Henry's idea. Told me I needed to free my true self so I kidnapped Tyler and made him take me to her coffin. And then I burned her to ashes. So go ahead. Stand by me. Tell me you'll never walk away. Go ahead, Stefan, come on. Do it. Do it! (Grunting) ¶ ¶ ¶ ¶ (grunting, horn beeps) (Grunts loudly) (Car door opens) Should probably get back to the hospital. Should I drive? I hate to think we survived all that just to have you kill us both on the road. I'm fine. You don't seem fine. This is all Julian's fault. Took lily away from me when I was too young to lose a mother. He hurt you. He killed our child. He destroyed Damon. He has my home. He has my town. And what do I do? I let him live. He's strong and well-protected. There's revenge and then there's stupidity. Damon might not understand the difference, but you're smarter. I don't want to be the smart one anymore. I want him dead. If you're about to say, "penny for your thoughts," I'm gonna punch you in the face. I wasn't. Pretty sure I already know what you're thinking. I'm processing. Just give me a minute. So vampires are a thing, and Mystic Falls has always had vampires, but now it's been completely overrun. Anything else I should know about? I think that's enough for one night. So that's what the weapons in your truck were for, fighting vampires. Are you crazy? What are you still doing in this place? I don't talk to my parents. My sister's dead. This town is the only constant I have. Besides, once you know the supernatural is real, there's really nowhere to hide. Might as well just take a stand, right? (Laughs) You are 100% not who I thought you were. (Chuckles) I mean, I thought you were cute, maybe a little damaged, in a sweet way. But I didn't know that you were insanely brave. Emphasis on the "insane." (Bell jingles) I thought you'd be back in Mystic Falls by now. I just, uh... Wanted to say thank you. For today. We still make a good team, don't you think? Well, Rayna's dead. Julian's safe. You'll surely sleep easy tonight. ¶ Should I go somewhere else ¶ ¶ and hide my face? ¶ do you like her? Bonnie? And what if I did? She's beautiful. Smart and loyal. And you appear to be only two of those things. I'm sorry I chose Julian. If I could take it back, I would choose you. Every time. I love you, Nora. I hope you'll forgive me someday. We do... Still make a good team. (Monitor beeping rhythmically) (Sighs) (Sighs) (Chuckles) Okay, so you're both awake. I get it. I'm bored, too. And I know that my magic blood tastes really good, but you're both gonna have to show just a little bit of self-control for a little bit longer, okay? (Chuckles) Why don't we watch some TV? Hmm? Ow. (Grunts) (Grunting) Stefan. (Grunting) Stefan, what a surprise. Can I buy you a drink? No, thank you. I really admire what you did for your brother today. You know, it's a shame nothing will come of it. I'm afraid your brother's too far gone to be rehabilitated. Hmm, you're probably right. Of course, uh that's all your fault for running that sword through him and sending him to hell. Do you really think it's wise... (Julian grunts) ...to brazenly attack me in front of all my friends? Here's the thing: They can't see you. Maybe this is cheating but I don't really care. ¶ ¶ ("killing strangers" by Marilyn manson plays) Hello. Again. You never said thank you. Big Sam was about to snap your head off. I tossed you that stick. Right. Sorry, I'm having trouble keeping track of all the people trying to save me today. Promise I won't do it again. You like Tequila? More of a bourbon man, but what do I got to lose? ¶ So blow us a kiss ¶ ¶ blow us a kiss ¶ ¶ blow us a kiss ¶ ¶ we'll blow you to pieces ¶ ¶ we're killing strangers ¶ ¶ we're killing strangers... ¶ ¶ we're killing strangers ¶ ¶ so we don't kill the ones... ¶ you see? I knew if I sent those postcards one of the heretics would lead me right to you. ¶ We're killing strangers ¶ ¶ we're killing strangers... ¶ ¶ we're killing strangers ¶ ¶ so we don't kill ¶ ¶ the ones that we love ¶ ¶ we're killing strangers ¶ ¶ love ¶ ¶ love ¶ ¶ love. ¶ what are you doing here? Caroline's safe. I got her out. She's with Rick now. Damon's still inside. I managed to disable the security cameras so no one can see out here, but I'm worried the ones on the roof are on a different circuit. (Gasps) Matt: All right, I did it. He's out. Now I never see you again, right? Yes, thank you. Have a nice life. ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ All the things that make us ♪ ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ Ah, the Feast of San Gennaro. Every child here has seen a relative murdered in a barber chair. Step right up! Teach an old Italian lady how to use an iPad! Now, that sounds like fun. I'll give it a try. Hey, how are you? Look what I got for you. What is it? It's a tablet computer. I don't want it. But you don't even know what it is. I don't want it. But you can watch movies on it. My eyes hurt. I'm trying to do something nice here! For the last time, I don't want it. I bet you if Joey was giving it to you, you'd take it. Don't you bring him into this. Joey was a good boy. Oh, yeah, yeah, Joey was a good boy? You thought he was making 100 grand a year hauling lumber? Don't you start with this. He was dirty, Ma! I can't hear this! I won't hear it! - He was an angel! - Oh, that's right. "Angel Joey," great Joey, perfect Joey. I got to go to the church. Oh, yeah, sure, light another candle. That'll bring him back. You watch your tongue. Admit it, you wish it was me in that car instead of him! Just take your little TV and go! It's an iPad, you dumb cow! I guess I don't have any sons now. Ma! I'm sorry, Ma! Ma! Ma! Hey, Bri, look over there. That guy looks like Frank Sinatra, Jr. Stewie, this is Federal Hill. Everybody looks like Frank Sinatra, Jr. Well, then who's that guy who looks like a young Frank Sinatra? Oh, that's Woody Allen's son, but you're right, that other guy behind him is Frank Sinatra, Jr. Stewie! Elliot! It-it's actually Brian. We've-we've met many times before. Then who's Elliot? I-I really wouldn't know. This is a bad start to whatever we're doing. Well, now, what brings you fellas to the festival? My dad will drive long distances for ice with colored liquid in it. They got blue! And we all love the Italian food. Oh, you like Italian food? Want a meatball? Yeah, I'm gonna pass on that, but it's a shame we can't get good Italian food like this in Quahog. Well, maybe the three of us ought to open an Italian restaurant there. Open our own Italian restaurant? I say, that sounds fun. You, uh, you keep meatballs in your jacket? Oh, yeah, all my pockets are lined with Reynolds Wrap. I learned that from my old buddies: Dean Martin, Jr., Joey Bishop, Jr., and Sammy Davis the Third. Hey, where's Chris? He's over there playing that carnival game. Step right up! Everybody take a chance on Whack-a-Big-a-Pussy! Hey, Ton'! This is not what I thought it was! Oh, my God, Chris is out of control! I know! It must be all the violence in movies and sex on TV. Oh. See, I listen. Peter, we need to talk about what happened at the street fair. Lois, it's an Italian festival. You're supposed to yell "Bella, Bella" and grab as much fat ass as you can. No, I'm talking about Chris. I had no idea he had so much pent-up aggression. We have to deal with his anger issues before he hurts himself. Ah, that's good thinking, Lois. I've seen what happens when people hold in their aggression for too long. Don't forget, I was in that elevator with Jay-Z. Hey, could you have your guy hit "two"? I got to get down to the business center to print out my boarding pass. Oh! Hey! That's gonna leave a mark! That's from a movie. So, you girls traveling with your dad here? Hey, don't kick him, Muddy Shoes. He's got a white suit on. Hey, look, I don't know if you guys are really staying here, but you can't get into the pool without a room key. Okay, Chris, your mom and I want to help you get out some of that aggression, so I thought you and me could huck rotten apples at passing cars. Oh, I didn't know we had brown apple in the forecast. Welp, we needed it. Wow, can I have a turn? Hey, which one of you threw that apple at my car? He did it. He dragged me out here. I wanted to be in school, sir. Where'd you get a cannon like that, kid? I work out my right arm three times a day. Mm, Free weights? No, mostly JPEGs of Helen Hunt on my hard drive. Well, I'm Coach Doyle, and I head up the baseball team at James Woods High. What fake class do they also make you teach? - Driver's ed, right? - No, wood shop. Ah, that was my second guess. Tell me, son, how would you like to pitch for the high school team? Baseball's the sport people play while eating, right? Oh, yeah, sometimes I even watch a whole Blacklist. I don't know, I've never played baseball before. Oh, come on, Chris, you got to do it. If you don't, you'll regret it. Just like Jesus' friend, Evan, who bailed on the Last Supper. Aw, they did a painting? I would've gone if I knew they were gonna do a painting. Here we are, fellas. The future site of Quahog's newest Italian restaurant. Wow, this is a great location. Can we afford this? Sure we can. I set up one of those Kickstarters. Then I realized how stupid that is and I went to the bank for a loan like an adult. Now, fellas, the tables should all be bolted to the floor to prevent theft. You know, most restaurants go out of business because people are stealing the tables. The toilets should also be bolted to the floor. I think that's pretty standard, Frank, but okay. Great. Now let's go find some chump's restaurant and steal his tables and toilets. James Woods is winning for now, but y'all never know what might happen in the moments to come. I mean, look, there's two baseball guys out on the bases right now. What if they's run to the scoring place? Oh, here comes a new boy. All right, Chris! Wow, I've never seen him run onto a baseball field when he wasn't chasing a duck or being chased by a duck. That a duck over there? Ah, come on! What the hell's Coach Doyle thinking bringing in that fat slob? ! You know what? I bet you a hundred bucks that "fat slob" strikes this kid out. Ha, you're on. Strike one! Strike two! Ooh! Strike three! Three strikes and he's out, just like my cousin Freddie with the drugs. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! Hey, nice going, Chris! Wow, look how proud my dad is. Oh, my God, a duck! It was a trap! Guys, tonight the drinks are on me. I just won a hundred bucks off Chris's baseball game. Really? How'd you do that? This dad took one look at Chris and thought he'd suck, but it turns out Chris is a great pitcher. I'm so proud of the money I won betting on him. You know, I bet there are plenty of other baseball dads who'd also assume Chris stinks. Peter, we could make a lot of money. Yeah, we could make Toni Braxton money. Is that... is that a lot? It's a lot, and then nothing. And then a record whose proceeds go directly to creditors. ♪ Put me in, Coach ♪ ♪ I'm ready to play ♪ ♪ Today ♪ ♪ Put me in, Coach ♪ ♪ I'm ready to play ♪ ♪ Today ♪ ♪ Look at me ♪ ♪ I can be ♪ ♪ Centerfield ♪ ♪ Well, I spent some time in the Mudville Nine ♪ ♪ Watching it from the bench ♪ ♪ You know I took some lumps ♪ ♪ When the Mighty Casey struck out ♪ ♪ So Say Hey Willie ♪ ♪ Tell the Cobb ♪ ♪ And Joe DiMaggio ♪ ♪ Don't say it ain't so ♪ ♪ You know the time is now. ♪ Frank, where the hell is everybody? This was supposed to be our big opening night. I'll tell you what the problem is. Every successful restaurant has a hook or a gimmick. That's what we're lacking. No, we're not. Frank, you're the hook! That's right. We just need to make you the face of the restaurant. It may be the five loaves of garlic bread I ate this morning talking, but I think that's a swell idea. ♪ You'll love the meal ♪ ♪ The fancy feel ♪ ♪ The showbiz stories while you eat your veal ♪ ♪ It's family dining with a mobster feel ♪ ♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪ Junior! ♪ The wine is red ♪ ♪ With lots of bread ♪ And portions bigger than a horse's head. ♪ You'll burp up sausages tonight in bed ♪ ♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪ ♪ Here's a toast ♪ ♪ To our host ♪ ♪ The food's not great, but ♪ ♪ Drink enough and you won't know ♪ ♪ The guests will swoon and Frank will croon ♪ ♪ A "beep-bop-dooby-dop" Italian tune ♪ ♪ You dine like royalty ♪ ♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪ ♪ We got big plans to please our fans ♪ ♪ Our cocktail waitress has enormous cans ♪ ♪ A men's room servant who will dry your hands ♪ ♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪ ♪ Our pizza pies could win a prize ♪ ♪ The jukebox catalog is double size ♪ ♪ It plays both Capitol and, yes, Reprise ♪ That's "Repreeze." ♪ At Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪ ♪ Gorgeous views ♪ ♪ And top-shelf booze ♪ ♪ Yes, we serve Jews ♪ ♪ Um, that was never an issue ♪ ♪ So, raise your glass ♪ ♪ You'll have a gas ♪ ♪ But seating's limited, so move your ass ♪ ♪ And plant it firmly ♪ ♪ Here at Frank Sinatra's restaurant ♪ ♪ Frank's restaurant ♪ ♪ Frank's res... taurant. ♪ Wow! Look at this, guys. I can't believe we made all this in one game. Yeah, I'm having a great time handling this money and then touching my eyeball. Jerome, another round for my blurry friends. Yeah, we got a good thing going. We just have to keep Chris's talent a secret. Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. Our top story tonight, the James Woods High baseball team is headed to the district championship, thanks to their secret weapon, star pitcher Chris Griffin. Ah, crap, now everyone knows Chris is a ringer! Tom Tucker just ruined everything. This sucks even worse than when I stubbed my toe. Aah! Why does everything bad always happen to me? ! Answer me, guy in box and guy on cross! Stewie, can I talk to you? Look, Brian, I affectionately pat all the waiters on the ass. And if anyone has a problem with it, they should come to me directly! No, no, it's not that. I-I've been going through our receipts, and we're actually losing money. Well, yeah, duh. Frank comps every meal. Look, he's doing it again. Little-known secret about Charlton Heston. Never used toilet paper. Just drop and go. Uh, here, let me get that check for you. Well, it's official. Nobody wants to bet against Chris now. Damn it! I can't believe my kid isn't making money for us anymore. I feel like Jessica Simpson's dad. Well, there are plenty of guys willing to bet on James Woods High to win, I'll tell you that. The only way we could ever make money now is if Chris lost. Wait a minute, Joe, that's it! All we got to do is take those bets and get Chris to take a dive! Wait, hold on, Peter. You're gonna ask your own son to lose on purpose? Damn, Quagmire! Your fridge gives you water from the door? Hey, champ, what you doing? My Spanish homework. Oh, well, then maybe I'll just say this to you in Spanish. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Chris, what the hell are you doing? ! Calm down. This is how they package Snapple now. They're trying to trick kids into drinking it. You may not believe this, but there was a time when Snapple ruled the nation. Preposterous! It's true. Even Jerry Seinfeld drank it. And he was the president of the '90s. But why are you so down? Dad told me I have to lose the championship game on purpose. He what? ! Peter, get in here right now! Wow, someone's day-horny! Oh, hey, Chris. Did you tell Chris he had to lose the district championship? ! Let me just get a garbage bag. Hold on. Okay, now that I'm decent. Yes, I did tell Chris to throw the game. But it's okay; it's for gambling. What? ! You're betting on Chris's baseball team? ! Technically against Chris's baseball team. Are you crazy? ! Do I look crazy? ! What do you think puts the food on our table and the garbage bags on our backs? ! Chris, your father's a jackass. When you get on that field, you try your very best and play to win. You understand me? Yeah. Thanks, Mom. But, Lois, if Chris wins that game, I'll be out a ton of money and I'll have to kiss a fella! I take all kinds of bets. Hey, Frank, we have to talk. You've got to stop giving away all the food for free. Yeah, otherwise there's no way we're gonna make a profit. Oh, we don't have to worry about money. I might be doing a Duets thing with that Lady Goo-Ga. Uh-huh, that's wrong. Anyway, the restaurant's gonna go under if you keep giving away food. All right, all right. Thank you, Frank. I appreciate you trying it my way. Thank you. What was that? Oh, I get 40 bucks every time somebody says "my way." Nancy gets 60. What do you mean Chris won't take a dive? ! We already took a ton of bets! Look, I'm sorry, you guys, but my hot piece-of-ass wife says no way. It's a weird time to brag about your wife, Peter. I don't know, I've just been so horny today. Oh, man, I don't need to know that! Well, pull it together, Peter, 'cause we're about to lose a lot of money! I know. We're screwed once Chris takes the mound with that awesome arm of his. Wait, so what you're saying is Chris isn't the problem, his arm is. I guess. Okay. We hear you, Peter. Loud and clear. Yeah, we'll fix this problem. You guys are creeping me out. All right, I'm gonna exit while discreetly checking out the hot chick by the door. You guys heard what I heard, right? Peter just asked us to break Chris's arm. Well, he intimated. I don't know what that means, but let's go rough up a teenager for beer money! Oh, I call biting! Okay, there's the baseball team's locker room right there. Perfect! And we look like regular high school students, so we'll fit right in. Joe, are you sure about these clothes? Trust me. I bought the absolute latest issue of Archie comics, and this is what the kids are wearing. Oh, hey, fellow teens. Wait a minute, teenagers don't have wheelchairs! No! Oh, no! Okay, guys, we've served our last free meal. Here I go with the check. Oh, I'm sorry. Last time we ate here, Mr. Sinatra's son said it was free. Okay, uh, everyone, new policy! As is the case with many restaurants, you're going to have to pay for your food. What? This food ain't worth paying for. Yeah, the only reason we eat here is 'cause it's free. Look whose restaurant thinks it's so good! Oh, yeah? If it was Joey's restaurant, you would've paid. Ma! I'm sorry, Ma! Ma! I can't believe it. They hated us. Well, fellas, we gave it our best shot. If you need me, I'll be back in Palm Springs, which has been completely taken over by the gays. So, want to grab whatever wine is left and then burn the place down? Maybe, but first, let's have an unearned end-of-the-series moment where we turn out the lights on our own place. Sorry, pal, we're closed. Peter, we've got great news! Chris isn't playing! He's not? Why? Well, 'cause we broke his arm like you told us to. Shattered. We shattered his arm. You what? ! I never told you to do that! You didn't? That's what I thought I heard. Quagmire, this is humbling, but it may be time for all of us to talk about hearing aids. I feel terrible! I got to go find my son! Chris! Dad, my arm's broke! And look, a Camaro! Oh, that guy must be so boss. But listen, Chris, I had no idea this was gonna happen. Look, I was wrong to bet on your games, and it's even worse that I told you to lose. I'm so sorry. Oh, that's okay, Dad. I just feel bad that my arm is broken in so many places and hurts so much. No, Chris, I've been a terrible dad lately. You found something you were great at, and instead of being happy for you, I tried to use it to make money. And now your arm is broken and your baseball career is over. Not necessarily. What? What are you talking about? Well, for the last few weeks, since my right arm's been exhausted from pitching, my left arm's had to, uh, pick up the slack in the bathroom. You see the pitcher? That's my kid. Aah! Son of a bitch! Oh, my God! Sorry, Mr. Quagmire! I heard that bone break. String Bean. The deaths of these American citizens are a direct result of America's crimes. Blood for blood. Hostages are American, sir. Go to guns, they're cleared hot. Zeus, this is command. You are cleared hot. This is Zeus, over. We are cleared hot. I say again, we are cleared hot. Rampage, on your shot, we go. Initiate contact at your discretion. (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) Juvenile in target group. No fucking way. Kid's gonna do the first one. Rampage, mere the motherfucker. Rampage, take the shot now! Take the shot, man. No joy. Repeat, Falcon's on glass, standing by. Requesting precedence. Rampage, take the fucking shot! (SPEAKING RUSSIAN) Pick up the knife. I said pick up the knife! RICHARD: Do you read, Rampage? Take the shot. RICHARD: Suicide, it's all yours. - (GUNSHOT) - (MEN YELLING AND SCREAMING) - (GURGLING) - (SHRIEKING) (CONSOLE BEEPING) One hostage down, sir. - Where's Pegasus? - Two minutes out. (GROANS) Send it. - (GROANS) - (MEN YELLING INDISTINCTLY) Let's back 'em up. Sourcing multiple targets. Holding on relay. (YELLING CONTINUES) - (GUNSHOT) - (GROANS) (COCKS GUN) (YELLING IN OTHER LANGUAGE) (GROANS) (GUNSHOT) (BOTH GROANING) (GUNFIRE) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) (GRUNTS) CORPORAL MAINES: Take the shot. (INDISTINCT) (GROANING) (GUNFIRE CONTINUES) - Range me. - One thousand meters. - (GUNSHOT) - (GLASS SHATTERING) (GROANS) Miss. (GROANING) DRONE TECHIE: Engaging target. Arming missiles. Target engaged. - Drop the Hammer. - Copy that. Missile away. Target destroyed. Bring 'em home. (BIRDS SQUAWKING) Pediatrician from Colorado Springs. Provided care to villages that hadn't seen a doctor in a decade. Bird's here. Move out. Gunny, have a word? (BREATHING HEAVILY) You hesitated. You choked. You wanna talk about it? I'll get 'em next time. We're not in the business of "next time." We're in the business of one time. You get one bite at that apple. You got it? Yeah. (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) (MUSIC PLAYING VIA SPEAKERS) Ooh. GINA: Come on! (AURELIA LAUGHING) CORPORAL MICHAEL: Man. AURELIA: Whoo! GINA: Yeah, yeah! CORPORAL MICHAEL: All right. (CHUCKLING) Whoo! To Istanbul. SERGEANT BARNES: Out of the motherfucking shit! I thought Iraq was a shithole. Syria. Afghanistan. It's all the same hell pit of crazed assholes whose idea of a good time is decapitation. Hey, hey, hey. Can we not? Hey, Rojas, you wanna tell your dipshit boyfriend to chill out? Ex-boyfriend. That obsession story is over. Hey, don't take it out on me, junior, just 'cause you froze up. You killed the vibe, man. You got to do that? What? Go fuck yourself, Chair Force. We don't get into enough shit, we got to fight amongst ourselves? - Fighting makes me wet. - (AURELIA LAUGHS) Don't let her get to you, brother. Ah. She calls me "junior" again, Rojas is gonna be short a spotter. Aungst is harmless, man. Ignore her. What's been eating at you anyway, brother? She's right, though. Aungst. I froze up, putting that goddamn kid in my crosshairs. Yeah. And? And if I'm gonna keep doing this, I don't wanna do it half-assed. Embrace the suck, man. Be a Marine. I'm good. You sure? I'm around if you need me, brother. Yeah, man, just give me a minute. No problem. (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) (CAT MEOWS) You followed me along way. You better have brought your game. No pressure. So, what brings you to Istanbul? (LAUGHING) Really? That's your lead, huh? I'm sorry. It's just... it's been a long time since I've seen such a beautiful woman. Better. Business. You? Same. Where's home? Long way from here. What about you? I'm not really sure. Here right now. Next week, I don't know. (BIRDS SQUAWKING) Military? That obvious? You're not Army, you're definitely not Navy or Air Force. There's one left. - Coast Guard? - (CHUCKLES) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) Yeah, I'll be a puddle pirate if it gets me an invite back to your hotel. - (SILENCED GUNSHOT) - (GROANS) (CAR HORNS HONKING) (CELL PHONE RINGING) Excuse me. Hey, Gunny. Bidwell? Food boats, south side of the bridge. - Twenty minutes. - (CELL PHONE BEEPS) (PRAYERS CHANTING OVER SPEAKERS) Crazy world, huh? What're you doing here? You were followed out of Syria with a bounty on your head. €150,000 to put you in a body bag. The call landed on my desk, and I came to clear it up. And? It's all done for now, but there'll be more. Syria. (CHUCKLES) A mad fucking country, eh? It's all the same. You gotta ask, right? Miller briefed me. I blew it, man. I messed up the entire op. Miller would've busted me down a pay grade if it wasn't for my old man. What do you hear from him? He's in the wind as usual. You're a valuable asset, Gunny, if you need more time. I'm all right. You can't repeat Syria. He was just a boy. Tune in to what I'm about to tell to you, Gunny. The work we do, it isn't God's work. We do the stuff he doesn't want to do. There are no chapter and verse to help us sleep better at night. Are we morally defensible? No, probably not. Are we necessary? Abso-fucking-lutely! This is the job. We chew through the hard stuff. There is no providence for what we do, is there? I hesitated. You gotta turn off the feeling side of your head. You've got a conscience. That's no bad thing. But don't let imperfection be the enemy of the good. It's hard living life after watching through a reticle. Trigger to target, life and death, black and white. Go find the blues and the greens, Gunny. Back to work. Major Bidwell, how'd it go? Piece of piss. The rest of you look drunk. We were working on it, sir, when you called. Where's Miller, sir? You're not the only team in the field. I assume you haven't read your briefing reports. Only because we can count on you to tell us what the hell we're doing here. Well, the Corps has offered your services for site protection. Trans-Georgian Pipeline. Transporting natural gas from Georgia through the Black Sea into Eastern Europe and beyond. That's a lot of territory to secure. Due respect, Colonel, we're not civilian contractors. Whoa. Hold on there, Air Force. You're on a ride along with the Marines as a courtesy. - Understand? - Understood. Colonel, sorry to keep you waiting. No, you kept me waiting. COLONEL: Then let's get to it. I'm Robin Slater, Civilian-Military Fusion Center, Operations Desk. Colonel Sergej Babayev will be our liaison with Georgian Army. The CFC has been asked to organize security for the Trans-Georgian Pipeline, most of which is being monitored by local military and law enforcement. Recent incidents in construction areas, however, require a higher-level response. In Georgia, just outside of Tbilisi, involving local insurgents, as well as radical elements from Afghanistan and Iraq. That is why the CFC approved the request to bring in your team. What sort of incidents are we talking about? Sniper attacks on managerial and engineer personnel. Bombings of key pipeline infrastructure in strategic locations. Yeah. Near here. Tbilisi, Georgia, just south of Chechnya, just north of the Armenian and Turkish borders. This is a rough neighborhood. Intelligence on the ground attribute the attacks to an Afghan militant, Roshan Gazakov, aka Abu Abdullah, trained by British SAS. And another jihadi is born. Austrian energy tycoon Killian Grün is scheduled to do a walkthrough of a Gazsnab pumping station just outside of Tbilisi day after tomorrow. He will meet with tribal elders to settle land disputes. Your mission, over-watch. Take out enemy snipers with assistance from our eyes in the sky. Gazakov plays along game. He kept his rage hidden deep inside while being schooled by the very people he intended to kill. This guy is no joke. We'll be providing UAV support. - Drones? - Yes. The MQ-1 Predator will be our eyes in the sky. God's hammer. I'll be quarterbacking this thing from my JSOC office here in Turkey. This is my stop. I'll be watching you. (CAR DOOR OPENS) - Cervantes! - Sir? - Get a haircut. - Yes, sir. Watch your back. And I'll see you on the next one. Blues and greens, Gunny. Hey. No hard feelings? Would've been nice if you were a little more specific about your business here. The same could be said for you. Put a pin in it? I'll see you in Georgia. (HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING) (SHEEP BLEATING) Three teams. Think they can protect all this high ground? Don't worry about my teams. - How's your eyes in the sky doing? - Full operational go. Smart enough to tell friend from foe? Smart enough to tell which rock you guys took a piss against. COLONEL: Okay, people, listen up. I want three Predators in the air, eyes on Killian Grün the entire time he's on site. Let's make it happen. Copy that. Grün on site in 90 minutes. - (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) - ROBIN: Okay. Listen up! Here's the short list on the package. Killian Grün, an Austrian oil tycoon. He is the guy who will make sure Western Europe doesn't need Russian gas from the Ukraine. This is the guy to kill to make the biggest statement. Oh. He travels with Blackwater contractors in a heavily armed and heavily armored motorcade. At 1900 tonight, he will meet with the tribal elders to secure the land rights. We have him for two hours. Okay, we got it. He's a rich guy, don't let him die. Let's eat dirt. (BIRDS CHIRPING) (INHALES DEEPLY) RICHARD: Eyes on that tree line, people. I can smell them from here. (BIRDS CHIRPING) Rampage, blue sector. All clear here, no signs of movement. Falcon, white sector. Suicide, green sector. (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) - Motorcade, one click out. - (CONSOLE BEEPING) This is Suicide. The package inbound from my six. I've got nothing on glass. No joy. Stay with it. No target indicators on glass. All clear. I think I'm seeing something. See what? What's going on out there? Somebody talk to me. (GRUNTING) (TIRES SCREECHING) - (MEN YELLING IN OTHER LANGUAGE) - (GUNFIRE) - (G ROANS) - (BREATHING HEAVILY) - (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) - (COCKS GUN) Rojas is hit. I say again, Rojas is hit. Contact, unknown position. Falcon, talk to me. What the fuck's going on down there? Falcon, give me something. - Incoming fire from my two o'clock. - (AURELIAS BREATHING HEAVILY) Argh! Find me a fucking target. I got nothing on glass, man. No fucking joy. Where the fuck are they? Where are my drones? Ladies and gentlemen, we got Marines in a fire fight. Let's help them out. - Find me a target. - Copy that. (GUNSHOT) Unregistered heat signature. Possible hostile position. - Could be a satellite echo. - Confirming. Adjust right, 20 degrees. (GROANS) Man down. I got a man down. (YELPS) Let's take a closer look, sir. Zooming in 500%. - How about that? - Arming missiles. Target acquired. Make it rain. (GUNFIRE CONTINUES) Argh! Target destroyed. Good on you. (GROANING) (BREATHING HEAVILY) - (MEN GRUNTING) - (CONTINUES GROANING) (PANTING) (GINA GRUNTING) Rampage, what's your status? - BRANDON: Oh, God. Aurelia. Hey. - (GURGLING) (SOBBING) Rampage, what's your status? (BREATHING HEAVILY) Without confirmation of a kill, we assume Gazakov's still alive. (GROANS) Spent brass. It's a... 14.5 millimeter anti-tank round. There's a souvenir. (BREATHES DEEPLY) Impossible shot. How the fuck did they find us? Rojas' hide fired on? - Maines? - CORPORAL MICHAEL: No one's that good. And not a single Georgian hit, Colonel. You watch yourself, Marine. Rojas could build a hide better than anyone in the business. It was an impossible shot. What exactly are you trying to imply? I'm not trying. I'm saying it. You or someone on your team is feeding our coordinates to Gazakov. Stand down. Unit discipline leaves something to be desired, Major. It is my job, Colonel. Maybe you're forgetting about the two body bags loaded with a Marine and a US Airman. I am forgetting? Do you forget who you're talking to? Americans? Matters only when you get killed! Fucker! You killed her! (GRUNTING) Stand down! I am sick of all of your shit-talking and ass-grabbing. Honor, courage, commitment. You are Marines. Act like it. (INDISTINCT YELLING IN DISTANCE) (BIRDS CHIRPING) (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) SAAJID: Welcome to Pamir-Alay. You must have fucked up something bad to get sent here, bro. Sector of Trans-Georgian Pipeline, official designated pacified zone. Thanks, I think. You have better coat than that piece of shit? Twelve thousand feet. Dude, you're going to need a better coat. So, when did this all stop being Russia, anyway? Year I was born, 1991. What's your job here exactly? Me? I am jack-of-all-trades. - But for you, I'm your new spotter. - We'll see about that. SAAJID: Don't speak a word of English. Very old-school. Know these mountains better than anyone. Pipeline pays 'em... (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) That son of a whore better stay away from me. (CHUCKLES) He welcomes you warmly to his country, bro. (GRUNTING) (RATTLING) (YELLING) Mmm-mmm. ZOTOV: This is our American savior? Gunnery Sergeant Brandon Beckett, sir. (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) We keep this up, you're gonna run out of men soon. Then it's just me and you. (PANTING) Ready for some action? Yeah. Good. (BIRDS CHIRPING) (GROANS) (CHUCKLES) (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) (CHEERING IN OTHER LANGUAGE) - This guy attacked a Georgian Colonel. - (ALL LAUGHING) Insubordination. This is what your report says. (SLURPING) Why? I think he, or someone below him, is a traitor, secretly dealing intel to the insurgents. You think. Enemy sniper team dialed into our exact positions. We were sitting ducks. Lost some good friends. And not one Georgian casualty. What you pursue is much bigger than one man. Much more is at stake. I would suggest gathering more evidence before leveling such accusations. It's kind of hard to do from over 1,000 miles away. Yes. The old Soviet way of solving problem with loudmouth. This insurgent sniper could provide truth. (SCOFFS) Right. I'm serious. How do you say, "From horse's mouth"? So, I just ask Gazakov? Something of value offered in trade for the truth. - Too fast for you, American? - I'm fine. Maybe next time, you'll think twice about attacking senior officer. - (BRANDON GROANS) - Mountaintop is good for "cooling off," yeah? BRANDON: So, where are we going, anyway? SAAJID: Listening post. Very sensitive information passes through, like enemy troop size and movement, coordinates, surveillance. If we don't regularly patrol, the Chechen thieves will dismantle it to ground. (BIRDS CHIRPING) ZOTOV: Idiots! Don't they know everything is encrypted, firewalled, unhackable? - What are you gonna do? - Shoot them. - "Shoot them"? - Yes, American. Shoot them. But they're only thieves. Chechen thieves not exactly the same thing. (GRUNTS) You propose we do what? Arrest them. (GROANS) Arrest them, like John McClane, yes, in Die Hard? Something like that. Well, show us how it is more correctly done. Democratically. (SCOFFS) Give me your short arm. (EXHALES) You as well. Go on. (BRANDON BREATHING HEAVILY) (GRUNTS) Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker! (CHUCKLES) Stop! Right there! (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) Help me. Please. Don't do it! (GROANS) (CONTINUES GROANING) (SIGHS) Welcome to the Wild, Wild East. Your father, Thomas Beckett, is no stranger to me. Different times, different war. (ZOTOV CHUCKLES) We were adversaries back then, facing each other across a battle line. South America. Somehow, we avoided killing one another. For my heroic efforts in the jungles of Nicaragua, I was rewarded with three tours in the First Chechen War. Want a test of your courage? Pick a fight with Chechen. Before Chechnya, I was... A soldier like any other soldier. All of that changed on December 25, 1995. Christmas Day in your calendar. (CHUCKLES) Yeah. (SLURPING) Our unit was assigned to support the troops holding Ingushetiya border. Many conscripts deserted their units and some of them joined the rebels. It was impossible to tell friend from foe. Squad was stopped on a city block that seemed safe. My position was set up. It was my spotter, Yuri, who saw him first, of course. "Andrei, " he said, "The boy is carrying something under his coat." I looked at boy through my scope. No more than 10 years old. Was it a loaf of bread he was carrying under his coat? No. It was a bomb, fabricated from mortar shell. My humanity tells me, "A little boy found a bomb "and only wants to turn it over to the soldiers. " (SIGHS) (EXPLOSION) Every sniper hesitated. But only once. (BIRD HOOTING) Caucasus Mountains in the winter. (SIGHS) Imagine the vacation possibilities. Well, if it's any consolation, it's 100 over here. That's in the shade. Well, consider me unconsoled. By the way, the guy we took out on the ridge, turned out it wasn't Gazakov. Sources say it was Gazakov's brother-in-law. You sure? Yeah, they got his remains. By the way, we're rolling out tonight, Gunny. Gotta follow the pipeline down to the seaside. Do a little recon on the next stop, make sure what happened here does not get repeated. Anything on Babayev? No, we drilled down to bedrock. He's clean. Just do your probation, Gunny. Keep your head down, see you when you're back. Not bad. That will be the day, when American can beat Russian at winter sport. 1980, hockey. Fluke. 2014, Sochi. Women's half-pipe. USA takes the gold and the bronze. (LAUGHING) Half-pipe? Be serious. So, how does a Russian officer with the 3rd Guards Spetsnaz Brigade end up working site security for a Euro-Asian energy consortium? Do you have any idea what these people pay private contractor? Like your Navy Seals who work for Blackwater, Russian Special Forces, too, must feather nests. Start over. Lead more normal life. Well, this is normal? Compared to where I've been to? Yes, American, this is normal. No family, no kids. Few choose this fate, but after the first kill, maybe second, sniper is what we are. Must commit. No hesitation. All humanity lost. (BREATHES DEEPLY) - Beautiful, isn't it? - (BIRD SQUAWKING) (BEEPING) (COCKS GUN) SAAJID: Colonel, I put glass on the path. There's movement. They're coming, Colonel. An hour, maybe less. Chechens, Colonel. Lots of Chechens. (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) I will enjoy watching what my brother... will do to you... and how... ...he will kill you. (GROANS) I will kill you first. Cheer up! Saajid! There is one more, there, behind the stone. (BIRDS CHIRPING) I swear, I think you're enjoying this. Just another day you die. Find a hide. (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) Shoot to kill! Set up in there. (UTENSILS CLATTERING) (GLASS SHATTERING) (BIRDS CHIRPING) Where the fuck are they? They should have been here long time ago. That's what they want you to think. They're just doing what they're trained to do. They want to put us on edge. It's working. Relax. They'll be here. (GUNSHOT) (GROANS) Find me that sniper, Saajid. At my 11 o'clock, something moved in the snow. Do you see it? I don't see shit, bro. Kill one man, terrorize 1,000. Get ready for a gunfight. (GUNSHOT) (INDISTINCT YELLING) (COCKS GUN) (GROANS) (GUNFIRE) - (GUNSHOT) - (GROANS) - (GUNSHOT) - (GROANS) (GROANS) (GUNFIRE CONTINUES OUTSIDE) (BEEPING) (ALL SCREAMING) (BEEPING) Ah! (GROANS) (BEEPING) Well, say hello to my Russian friend! (EXPLOSION) RPG! Argh! (PANTING) (BREATHING HEAVILY) (GROANS) (EXHALES) (LAUGHING) (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) No, no, no... I'm here to help you. I'm putting my gun away. (ZOTOV GRUNTING) (GROANS) (GROANS) (GROANS) (COCKS GUN) Mmm. (BIRDS CHIRPING) (BRANDON BREATHES DEEPLY) When did Saajid choose them over us? Last month? Yesterday? Ten minutes ago? No difference. He's dead because he did. What? Did you hesitate before shooting this gutless traitor? (CONSOLE BEEPING) - What're they doing here? - Eyes in the sky. We're done. Lesson learned. Helo him out of there. Put him back in the dirt. Roger that, Colonel. ZOTOV: Your contact is at our forward op base. He will take you to meet Gazakov himself. You have a one-in-100 chance he gives the information you seek. Regardless, you have 36 hours until you need to officially report to your CO at the Batumi-Gazsnab Station. Good hunting. I'm looking for Mothershed. (EXHALES) You've found him. Zotov sent me. He said you could... Help you, yes. Zotov told me all about you. You're a cowboy and you want Gazakov. Yeah, I do. Zotov said you can get me to him. It's suicide. Can you do it, or not? Let's say I can help you to find him. What then? - Are you gonna ask him who his source is? - Well, that's a start. I trade for it. Quid pro quo. His sister's husband was a spotter. Yeah. We blew him to bits. Well, what wouldn't Gazakov give up in exchange for his brother-in-law's remains? Decapitating you, for one. I'm willing to take that risk. Man-to-man, it's worth a shot. No, it's not. Well, that's your opinion. I'm paid to have intelligent ones. Can you get the remains for me, or not? I wanna leave by sunrise. Then I guess we better not waste any time. What's this? The peace offering you requested. When I talked to Zotov, I knew how all of this was gonna end up. That's all that's left of him? After a direct hit by a Hellfire missile, yes. Right. We'll leave by sunup. (TRUCK APPROACHING) What officially is your job with the pipeline, anyway? - Hear that? - (DRONE BUZZING) I don't hear anything. MOTHERSHED: MQ-1 Predator drone. Say "cheese" before we end up in a cigar box. (CONSOLE BEEPING) DRONE TECHIE: We have multiple heat signatures. Get the Colonel. I've got something. MOTHERSHED: Officially, I'm a geologist. BRANDON: A geologist? Oil and natural gas makes the world go round, my friend. The Trans-Georgian Pipeline is the biggest geopolitical game in town. - All the major players are at the table. - (BIRDS CHIRPING) You, me, Gazakov, we don't even rank as pawns. (EXHALES) (BIRDS CHIRPING) We are close. How do you know? They have been tracking us for the past hour. What are we doing then? (CHUCKLES) Waiting for them to introduce themselves. What have you got? Potential hostiles, possible high-value individuals. - Are you sure? - Can't confirm, sir. (RUSTLING) They're here. Put your hands up. I'm not giving up my gun. Then you will die. Give me the cigar box and wait here. (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) Hello. Peace be with you. We brought you the remains of Shaheed Niazof. He's grateful for the remains of his brother. Now he can give him a proper Islamic burial. CIA ANALYST: Colonel, I think you should see this. What am I looking at? CIA ANALYST: Sourcing targets. Facial recognition is impossible, sir. They're masked, but our guys down there tell us this is definitely Gazakov country. How do I know it's not a shepherd tending his flock? Last time I checked, shepherds didn't need a belt-fed machine gun, sir. (CONTINUES SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) He says it was God's will that he was able to escape the drone attack. Ask him who gave him the coordinates of the sniper team. (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) He says it was God's gift. It was not he who killed the infidel, but God's hand. He's lying. Brandon, be careful. (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) His talent is God's given. This is an insult. (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) I do not lie. - Is the drone armed? - Fully armed. Of course. Forgive us. He meant no disrespect. We will win this war. Maybe not in my lifetime... (BUZZING) But in my children's and my children's children. We'll win. Now, go. I'll kill you another day. There's no way he could've made those shots without coordinates. Ask him how he got them. - Brandon, stop. - Ask him. (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) Without the exact coordinates, you wouldn't have been able to kill the sniper. Who gave you that information? He seeks the same justice as you. You forget yourself, American. Take him out. (YELLING) (BOTH GROANING) - (FEEDBACK RINGING) - (HEARTBEAT POUNDING) Ah... (CONTINUES GROANING) I wish someone would've told me about this bone-headed move, so I could've said "no fucking way." Until I went up there, I didn't know who I could trust. (SIGHS) And you sat down with Gazakov? We didn't actually sit. Okay, so, what did you learn? From Gazakov? Nothing. He just holds the rifle while God guides his hand. But I noticed something interesting. One of his militants carries a Toughbook wrapped around his shoulder. - Never stopped looking at it. - (BEEPS) - A computer Toughbook? - With a satellite uplink. That's a pretty serious piece of hardware for a militant, don't you think? You think Gazakov fixed your units' locations with our very own drones, using equipment they could buy off of Amazon? No. We think they have mirrored your drone network, real time. Impossible. Improbable, yes, but not impossible. (CELL PHONE RINGING) This is Robin. Yes, sir. He's right here. It's for you. COLONEL: Hold the line, Beckett. (CELL PHONE RINGING) This is Zeus. - Are we secure? - Yes, sir. Somebody wanna tell me what the fuck is going on? RICHARD: I don't understand, sir. Well, Sergeant Beckett went off the reservation had an unsanctioned, unauthorized meet with Gazakov. First I've heard of it. Is this how you run your men, Major? No, sir. It's not. Gunnery Sergeant Beckett, do you wanna be taken out of the field permanently? (CHUCKLES) Just say the word, so I can put you in a desk in thumb-fucked Egypt. No, sir. You're riding the edge, son. I can only cover your back for so long. They're watching our drone surveillance live feeds somehow. That's impossible. They don't have the brainpower or the hardware to mirror our drone network. System logon credentials are bought and sold on the black market. Nothing digital is completely secure. What you're suggesting doesn't even attain the level of a hunch. Listen to me. You stick to the missions, I'll handle the intel. I don't wanna have this talk again. As for you, Major, run your team, do not let your team run you. Yes, sir. Sergeant Beckett, I want you back on the Black Sea with your crew. We've got another Archangel operation for Killian Grün. Now, I don't want this one to turn into another shit show like the last one did. Do you hear me, Major? Yes, sir. Shit show, last one. Good. I'm counting on you. Now get back to work. (DIAL TONE BEEPS) (ROBIN SIGHS) (SIGHS) Well, hey. Welcome back to the party. I thought you went AWOL on us, brother. They put me on ice for a bit. Where's Barnes and Aungst? Radio silence since 0900. Next scheduled check-in is 1400. Mountains and ravines, man. We gotta find 'em. They're gonna be used for target practice. (CONSOLE BEEPING) (BIRDS CHIRPING) Zeus, I got nothing. RICHARD: Intel says Gazakov's here somewhere. We're here for long-range support. Let them do their thing, Suicide. Troop's 90 seconds out. (BEEPING) (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) Sniper team in grove to the south, confirming the coordinates. One man alone on hill to north. South grove, right side? Yes, God willing. Georgian troops, dirt road at your 10 o'clock. Draw out the snipers. (GUNSHOT) (SOLDIER YELLING INDISTINCTLY) SERGEANT BARNES: Shots fired. Troops have contact. Where the hell is that shooter? - I can't find him. - Fuck! Neither can I. (YELLING IN OTHER LANGUAGE) (GROANS) Find me a target. (CONSOLE BEEPING) (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) Sniper team, 500 meters to your 2 o'clock. (GUNFIRE IN DISTANCE) (GUNSHOT) Shot came from my direct front. White house, second-story window. (GROANS) - (MUTTERING) - (COUGHS) Argh! We've got a casualty! Range 2800 meters. - Damn it. - We got to move, Major! - I'm with you. - (GINA GROANING) - You're good. - Zeus! Peel, peel! The vest, take it off. What? Our GPS has been compromised. Stay with me. Please, please. Suicide, this is Zeus. Take off your vest. GPS compromised. (GINA GROANING) Let's move! (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) Move, let's get out of here now! - (GRUNTS) - (GROANS) Stay with me, Aungst. Let's go. (BREATHING HEAVILY) She's lost a lot of blood! (YELLING IN OTHER LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) All clear. March, quickly! How're we doing, Major? (BREATHILY) Better since we ditched the vests and the GPS trackers. It nearly saved our lives. What have we got? This was a setup, sir. They've definitely hacked our network. Enough about the drones, Brandon. I'm telling you, they can see what we can see. This is your problem, Major. No, it is our problem, Robin. COLONEL BABAYEV: The Colonel is a good friend. I can't imagine he'll be pleased to read the reports I'll be sending to Brussels regarding CFC operations in my country. (BIRDS CHIRPING) RICHARD: Attention on deck. As you were. What the hell happened out there? We got a tip on unsecured radio traffic that Gazakov was holed up in a village just west of here. We humped in, set up. Turns out, it was a trap. They had our positions totally dialed in. GPS was completely compromised. Senior Airman Aungst was clipped. She's on a flight to Germany to get patched up. Perhaps Gunny's drone story was true. COLONEL: I have my orders, too, gentlemen, and we don't have a lot of time. I'll check into it. We're gonna hit them back and We're gonna hit them back hard. Shut down GPS, are we clear? Yes, sir. Carry on, Marines. (BIRDS CHIRPING) COLONEL: Killian Grün is here to observe Operation Archangel in action. Destroy Gazakov and his forces who continue operating in Kobuleti and Southern Georgia. All these areas have seen increasing attacks by ISIS on NGO workers and civilians. As you can see in your packet, this is current satellite photography indicating Gazakov and his men are near Kobuleti, Preparing to attack this station here tomorrow, destroying it and killing all personnel. We estimate there are 40 to 50 enemy combatants in the Kobuleti area as of now. ROBIN: They are aware of Archangel's arrival here, which is further incentive to hit us. As you know, Gazakov and his ilk are bad people. They don't differentiate between hard and soft targets and are known for hitting resorts, restaurants, big tourist attractions. My God! Recommendations? Evacuate all non-essential personnel at your Kobuleti offices. Intercept and engage the insurgents before they're able to get here. (CONSOLE BEEPING) How many additional troops can we put on the grounds there? Given our timeframe, not many. But we can augment a number of UAVs. Two more units in the air by nightfall doubles our firepower. We're going to intercept them in Kobuleti before they get here. You really think that's a good idea? I think it's our only idea. What if Beckett is right? What if they're in our system? What if they can see what we can see? They're not. And you are 100% sure of that? I'd rather be 80% sure early than 100% sure too late. Point taken, Major. That's why we're not using GPS. All right. We know our role here. We don't like it. We don't make the missions, we execute them. You got a problem with that, keep it to yourself. What about our web gear? Are we going off grid? They recommended modification. If you haven't done it already, remove your GPS. We pull out 0300. BRANDON: What was the evidence of insurgent movement towards Kobuleti? Drones. And what's there in Kobuleti? Gazsnab home office. Soft targets. Well, what's in Batumi? You know what's in Batumi, Gunny. We were just there. They're hitting it tomorrow. Exactly. We just left the master pumping station for the entire Black Sea transfer. If it gets hit, 900 kilometers of pipeline will be lost. All right. But I saw the insurgent movement with my own eyes. They are headed towards Kobuleti. But how are the coordinates transmitted? Let me guess, the drone network. - (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) - (CONSOLE BEEPING) Can you tell me the location of the enemy sniper team? By God's greatness, yes. No GPS data now, but they were observed leaving Gazsnab. Then they believe we are assembling in Kobuleti? Yes, seems so. Streaming false information was simple. BRANDON: Georgian forces are riding out to engage the enemy, but that leaves Killian Grün and the pumping station vulnerable to attack. It's a head fake, sir. Tomorrow is today. Call the Colonel. We lost our uplink 15 clicks back, sir. Well, then, turn it around. Turn it around. You better be right. (BIRDS CHIRPING) What if it's more than GPS data? What if they can see what we can see? ROBIN: I don't know what to say, colonel. Our guys have checked. If they're getting information, it's from another source. Well, it's too quiet. Something's not right. I can feel it in my bones. I don't fully trust bones. I trust zeroes and ones. (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) No indication of enemy sniper teams or support troops. Our infrared heat signatures are suppressed. Send a message to the others. Grün must be taken alive. (TIRES SCREECHING) This game is binary. It's all about hard intel. Mm-hmm. (YELLING IN OTHER LANGUAGE) (RADIO STATIC) - My God! - What is it? (EXPLOSION) (GUNFIRE) - Are you okay? - (GROANS) Ah! Gunny Beckett was right. They pulled data off of our UAV net! Get command on the line for reinforcements. Get him the fuck out of here now! (SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE) (GROANS) Argh! CFC Command, this is Robin Slater, ID code 0-2-Niner-green-8-0-9. We are under attack. I repeat, we are under attack. (SOLDIERS SCREAMING) Cancel all UAV overflight Batumi, Georgia. Cancel all CFC aircraft, over. Authorization for grounding UAV assets on hold for further review. "Further review"? Ground them now. They're pulling data off our network and who knows what else. (GUNFIRE CONTINUES) RICHARD: Just park it anywhere. Find a hide now. (BOTH SCREAMING) (GROANING) (EXPLOSION) (GROANS) Really, guys? Who wants their balls cut off first? I need a mag. Zeus, this is Rampage. We're on glass, gone quiet, have engaged the target, over. I don't remember giving you permission to go live, Rampage. - My bad. - Now merc those motherfuckers. Snipers. Find them. Suicide, have you made contact? Suicide is shaking hands with the devil, sir. Well, raise hell, boys. Mortar team, bro, my 11 o'clock. Authorization approved, Ms. Slater. Clearing your airspace now. (DRONE APPROACHING) We've lost our infrared. Keep looking. Find me Gazakov. He's here. I can feel him. (CONSOLE BEEPING) No, get down! Way ahead of you, bro. My one. Not him. Who cares? Drop the fucking Muji. (GASPING) Where are you? (GROANS) (BREATHING HEAVILY) We got a rabbit, bro. Gazakov on the move. Oh, shit! Fuck! Oh, fuck me! Are you okay, pal? Yeah, just stay on glass and waste that fuck. (GUNSHOT ECHOING) Rampage, what's your status? - (GROANING) - This is Rampage. Hostile threat down. I need a medic! (BREATHING HEAVILY) You should see the other guy. (INDISTINCT CHATTERING ON RADIO) - Good work, son. - Thank you, sir. Brandon, a word. (BRANDON CLEARS THROAT) Long time ago, I told your father all he had was killing. I was wrong. He had courage and he had grit. You are your father's son, Gunny. I'll see you in the next one. See you. (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) It's good to be back, boys. I missed you guys. That's what I like to see, a team. Pulled a Houdini on us back there, Top. Oh, you know how it is. Things to do. But I wanted to stop by and say, "Job well done." That means a lot coming from you, sir. But I thought I should tell you guys that I'm putting in for a transfer. I thought you were retired. I'll be retired in a different kind of way. I'll still be with the CFC, but in direct field operations. Keep a better eye on you guys. Hey, I brought someone to see you. GINA: Colonel, pull up a seat. (BOAT HORN BLARING) You were right. I was wrong. You were just doing your job. Buy you a drink? Yeah, I'd like that. Are these our people? Sourcing targets now, sir. It's 70/30. Are units on site? Roger that. This is a priority level 4 target. Working on positive identification. Put the team on Amber. Yes, sir. They are standing by. Get out! This is Zeus, over. Hostages are out of the boats. Safety's off. Watch your target indicators. We are not cleared hot, hold glass. I say again, we are not cleared hot. Roger, Zeus. This is rampage, holding scope. Hey, air force. How's my designated marksman from falcon team doing? Uh, don't you mean "chair force," sir? Due respect, we've been on the reticle shooting 2,000 rounds a week for the last four months pre this deployment. We're here to work, just like you pendejos. So, why don't you go fuck yourself, cervantes? Uh, no, thank you, chair force. Falcon in position, Zeus. Beats the shit out of over-watch. Airforcethanksyou fortheridealong. My pleasure. Suicide, sitrep. Suicide in position, I'm on glass. Behold a pale horse. That's a bad fucking omen. This looks like a real shit show. Hold for Pegasus, over. The executioner. Bandolier's on glass. String bean. The deaths of these American citizens are a direct result of America's crimes. Blood for blood. Hostages are American, sir. Go to guns, they're cleared hot. Zeus, this is command. You are cleared hot. This is Zeus, over. We are cleared hot. I say again, we are cleared hot. Rampage, on your shot, we go. Initiatecontact atyourdiscretion. Juvenile in target group. No fucking way. Kid's gonna do the first one. Rampage, merc the motherfucker. Rampage, take the shot now! Take the shot, man. No joy. Repeat, falcon's on glass, standing by. Requesting precedence. Rampage, take the fucking shot! Pick up the knife. I said pick up the knife! Doyouread, rampage? Take the shot. Suicide, it'sallyours. One hostage down, sir. Where's Pegasus? Two minutes out. Send it. Let's back 'em up. Sourcing multiple targets. Holding on relay. Take the shot. Range me. One thousand meters. Miss. Engaging target. Arming missiles. Target engaged. Drop the hammer. Copy that. Missile away. Target destroyed. Bring 'em home. Pediatrician from Colorado Springs. Provided care to villages that hadn't seen a doctor in a decade. Bird's here. Move out. Gunny, have a word? You hesitated. You choked. You wanna talk about it? I'll get 'em next time. We're not in the business of "next time." We're in the business of one time. You get one bite at that apple. You got it? Yeah. Ooh. Come on! - Man. - Whoo! - Yeah, yeah! - All right. Whoo! To Istanbul. Out of the motherfucking shit! I thought Iraq was a shithole. Syria. Afghanistan. It's all the same hell pit of crazed assholes whose idea of a good time is decapitation. Hey, hey, hey. Can we not? Hey, rojas, you wanna tell your dipshit boyfriend to chill out? Ex-boyfriend. That obsession story is over. Hey, don't take it out on me, junior, just 'cause you froze up. You killed the vibe, man. You got to do that? What? Go fuck yourself, chair force. We don't get into enough shit, we got to fight amongst ourselves? Fighting makes me wet. Don't let her get to you, brother. Ah. She calls me "junior" again, rojas is gonna be short a spotter. Aungst is harmless, man. Ignore her. What's been eating at you anyway, brother? She's right, though. Aungst. I froze up, putting that goddamn kid in my crosshairs. Yeah. And? And if I'm gonna keep doing this, I don't wanna do it half-assed. Embrace the suck, man. Be a marine. I'm good. You sure? I'm around if you need me, brother. Yeah, man, just give me a minute. No problem. You followed me a long way. You better have brought your game. No pressure. So, what brings you to Istanbul? Really? That's your lead, huh? I'm sorry. It's just... It's been a long time since I've seen such a beautiful woman. Better. Business. You? Same. Where's home? Long way from here. What about you? I'm not really sure. Here right now. Next week, I don't know. Military? That obvious? You're not army, you're definitely not Navy or air force. There's one left. Coast guard? Yeah, I'll be a puddle pirate if it gets me an invite back to your hotel. Excuse me. Hey, gunny. Bidwell? Food boats, south side of the bridge. Twenty minutes. Crazy world, huh? What're you doing here? You were followed out of Syria with a bounty on your head. 150,000 Euros to put you in a body bag. The call landed on my desk, and I came to clear it up. And? It's all done for now, but there'll be more. Syria. A mad fucking country, eh? It's all the same. You gotta ask, right? Miller briefed me. I blew it, man. I messed up the entire op. Miller would've busted me down a pay grade if it wasn't for my old man. What do you hear from him? He's in the wind as usual. You're a valuable asset, gunny, if you need more time. I'm all right. You can't repeat Syria. He was just a boy. Tune in to what I'm about to tell to you, gunny. The work we do, it isn't god's work. We do the stuff he doesn't want to do. There are no chapter and verse to help us sleep better at night. Are we morally defensible? No, probably not. Are we necessary? Abso-fucking-lutely! This is the job. We chew through the hard stuff. There is no Providence for what we do, is there? I hesitated. You gotta turn off the feeling side of your head. You've got a conscience. That's no bad thing. But don't let imperfection be the enemy of the good. It's hard living life after watching through a reticle. Trigger to target, life and death, black and white. Go find the blues and the Greens, gunny. Back to work. Major bidwell, how'd it go? Piece of piss. The rest of you look drunk. We were working on it, sir, when you called. Where's Miller, sir? You're not the only team in the field. I assume you haven't read your briefing reports. Only because we can count on you to tell us what the hell we're doing here. Well, the corps has offered your services for site protection. Trans-Georgian pipeline. Transporting natural gas from Georgia through the black sea into eastern Europe and beyond. That's a lot of territory to secure. Due respect, colonel, we're not civilian contractors. Whoa. Hold on there, air force. You're on a ride along with the marines as a courtesy. Understand? Understood. Colonel, sorry to keep you waiting. No, you kept me waiting. Then let's get to it. I'm Robin slater, civilian-military fusion center, operations desk. Colonel Sergej babayev will be our liaison with Georgian army. The cfc has been asked to organize security for the trans-Georgian pipeline, most of which is being monitored by local military and law enforcement. Recent incidents in construction areas, however, require a higher-level response. In Georgia, just outside of tbilisi, involving local insurgents, as well as radical elements from Afghanistan and Iraq. That is why the cfc approved the request to bring in your team. What sort of incidents are we talking about? Sniper attacks on managerial and engineer personnel. Bombings of key pipeline infrastructure in strategic locations. Yeah. Near here. Tbilisi, Georgia, just south of chechnya, just north of the Armenian and turkish borders. This is a rough neighborhood. Intelligence on the ground attribute the attacks to an Afghan militant, roshan gazakov, aka abu abdollah, trained by British sas. And another jihadi is born. Austrian energy tycoon Killian grun is scheduled to do a walkthrough of a gazsnab pumping station just outside of tbilisi day after tomorrow. He will meet with tribal elders to settle land disputes. Your mission, over-watch. Take out enemy snipers with assistance from our eyes in the sky. Gazakov plays a long game. He kept his rage hidden deep inside while being schooled by the very people he intended to kill. This guy is no joke. We'll be providing uav support. Drones? Yes. The mq-1 predator will be our eyes in the sky. God's hammer. I'll be quarterbacking this thing from my jsoc office here in Turkey. This is my stop. I'll be watching you. Cervantes! Sir? Get a haircut. Yes, sir. Watch your back. And I'll see you on the next one. Blues and Greens, gunny. Hey. No hard feelings? Would've been nice if you were a little more specific about your business here. The same could be said for you. Put a pin in it? I'll see you in Georgia. Three teams. Think they can protect all this high ground? Don't worry about my teams. How's your eyes in the sky doing? Full operational go. Smart enough to tell friend from foe? Smart enough to tell which rock you guys took a piss against. Okay, people, listen up. I want three predators in the air, eyes on Killian grun the entire time he's on site. Let's make it happen. Copy that. Grun on site in 90 minutes. Okay. Listen up! Here's the short list on the package. Killian grun, an Austrian oil tycoon. Heistheguy whowillmakesure westernEuropedoesn'tneed Russiangasfromthe Ukraine. This is the guy to kill to make the biggest statement. Oh. He travels with Blackwater contractors ina heavilyarmedand heavilyarmoredmotorcade. At 1900 tonight, he will meet with the tribal elders to secure the land rights. We have him for two hours. Okay, we got it. He's a rich guy, don't let him die. Let's eat dirt. Eyesonthat treeline,people. Ican smellthemfromhere. Rampage, blue sector. All clear here, no signs of movement. Falcon, white sector. Suicide, green sector. Motorcade, one click out. This is suicide. The package inbound from my six. I've got nothing on glass. No joy. Stay with it. No target indicators on glass. All clear. I think I'm seeing something. See what? What's going on out there? Somebody talk to me. Rojas is hit. Isayagain, rojasishit. Contact, unknown position. Falcon, talk to me. What the fuck's going on down there? Falcon, give me something. Incoming fire from my two o'clock. Argh! Find me a fucking target. I got nothing on glass, man. No fucking joy. Where the fuck are they? Where are my drones? Ladies and gentlemen, we got marines in a fire fight. Let's help them out. Find me a target. Copy that. Unregistered heat signature. Possible hostile position. Could be a satellite echo. Confirming. Adjust right, 20 degrees. Man down. I got a man down. Let's take a closer look, sir. Zooming in 500%. How about that? Arming missiles. Target acquired. Make it rain. Argh! Target destroyed. Good on you. Rampage, what's your status? Oh, god. Aurelia. Hey. Rampage, what's your status? Without confirmation of a kill, we assume gazakov's still alive. Spent brass. It's a... 14.5 millimeter anti-tank round. There's a souvenir. Impossible shot. How the fuck did they find us? Rojas' hide fired on? - Maines? - No one's that good. And not a single Georgian hit, colonel. You watch yourself, marine. Rojas could build a hide better than anyone in the business. It was an impossible shot. What exactly are you trying to imply? I'm not trying. I'm saying it. You or someone on your team is feeding our coordinates to gazakov. Stand down. Unit discipline leaves something to be desired, major. It is my job, colonel. Maybe you're forgetting about the two body bags loaded with a marine and a us airman. I am forgetting? Do you forget who you're talking to? Americans? Matters only when you get killed! Fucker! You killed her! Stand down! I am sick of all of your shit-talking and ass-grabbing. Honor, courage, commitment. You are marines. Act like it. Welcome to pamir-alay. You must have fucked up something bad to get sent here, bro. Sector of trans-Georgian pipeline, official designated pacified zone. Thanks, I think. You have better coat than that piece of shit? Twelve thousand feet. Dude, you're going to need a better coat. So, when did this all stop being Russia, anyway? Year I was born, 1991. What's your job here exactly? Me? I am Jack-of-all-trades. But for you, I'm your new spotter. We'll see about that. Don't speak a word of English. Very old-school. Know these mountains better than anyone. Pipeline pays 'em... That son of a whore better stay away from me. He welcomes you warmly to his country, bro. Mmm-mmm. This is our American savior? Gunnery sergeant Brandon Beckett, sir. We keep this up, you're gonna run out of men soon. Then it's just me and you. Ready for some action? Yeah. Good. This guy attacked a Georgian colonel. Insubordination. This is what your report says. Why? I think he, or someone below him, is a traitor, secretly dealing intel to the insurgents. You think. Enemy sniper team dialed into our exact positions. We were sitting ducks. Lost some good friends. And not one Georgian casualty. What you pursue is much bigger than one man. Much more is at stake. I would suggest gathering more evidence before leveling such accusations. It's kind of hard to do from over 1,000 miles away. Yes. The old Soviet way of solving problem with loudmouth. This insurgent sniper could provide truth. Right. I'm serious. How do you say, "from horse's mouth"? So, I just ask gazakov? Something of value offered in trade for the truth. Too fast for you, American? I'm fine. Maybe next time, you'll think twice about attacking senior officer. Mountaintop is good for "cooling off," yeah? So, where are we going, anyway? Listening post. Very sensitive information passes through, like enemy troop size and movement, coordinates, surveillance. If we don't regularly patrol, the chechen thieves will dismantle it to ground. Idiots! Don't they know everything is encrypted, firewalled, unhackable? What are you gonna do? Shoot them. "Shoot them"? Yes, American. Shoot them. But they're only thieves. Chechen thieves not exactly the same thing. You propose we do what? Arrest them. Arrest them, like John mcclane, yes, in die hard? Something like that. Well, show us how it is more correctly done. Democratically. Give me your short arm. You as well. Go on. Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker! Stop! Right there! Help me. Please. Don't do it! Welcome to the wild, wild east. Your father, Thomas Beckett, is no stranger to me. Different times, different war. We were adversaries back then, facing each other across a battle line. South America. Somehow, we avoided killing one another. For my heroic efforts in the jungles of Nicaragua, I was rewarded with three tours in the first chechen war. Want a test of your courage? Pick a fight with chechen. Before chechnya, I was... A soldier like any other soldier. All of that changed on December 25, 1995. Christmas day in your calendar. Yeah. Our unit was assigned to support the troops holding ingushetiya border. Manyconscriptsdeserted theirunitsandsomeofthem joinedtherebels. Itwasimpossibletotell friendfromfoe. Squadwasstopped ona cityblock thatseemedsafe. Mypositionwasset up. Itwasmy spotter,Yuri, whosawhimfirst,ofcourse. "Andrei,"hesaid, "theboyis carrying somethingunderhiscoat." Ilookedat boy throughmyscope. Nomorethan10yearsold. Wasitaloafofbread hewas carryingunderhiscoat? No. Itwasabomb, fabricatedfrommortarshell. Myhumanitytellsme, "alittleboy founda bomb "andonlywantsto turnitover tothesoldiers." Every sniper hesitated. But only once. Caucasus mountains in the winter. Imagine the vacation possibilities. Well, if it's any consolation, it's 100 over here. That's in the shade. Well, consider me unconsoled. By the way, the guy we took out on the Ridge, turned out it wasn't gazakov. Sourcessayit was gazakov'sbrother-in-law. You sure? Yeah,theygothis remains. Bytheway,we'rerollingout tonight,gunny. Gottafollowthepipeline downtotheseaside. Do a little recon on the next stop, make sure what happened here does not get repeated. Anything on babayev? No, we drilled down to bedrock. He's clean. Justdoyour probation,gunny. Keepyourheaddown, seeyouwhenyou 'reback. Not bad. That will be the day, when American can beat Russian at winter sport. 1980, hockey. Fluke. 2014, sochi. Women's half-pipe. Usa takes the gold and the bronze. Half-pipe? Be serious. So, how does a Russian officer with the 3rd guards spetsnaz brigade end up working site security for a euro-Asian energy consortium? Do you have any idea what these people pay private contractor? Like your Navy seals who work for Blackwater, Russian special forces, too, must feather nests. Start over. Lead more normal life. Well, this is normal? Compared to where I've been to? Yes, American, this is normal. No family, no kids. Few choose this fate, but after the first kill, maybe second, sniper is what we are. Must commit. No hesitation. All humanity lost. Beautiful, isn't it? Colonel,I putglass onthepath. There'smovement. They'recoming,colonel. An hour, maybe less. Chechens,colonel. Lotsofchechens. I will enjoy watching what my brother... Will do to you... And how... ...He will kill you. I will kill you first. Cheer up! Saajid! There is one more, there, behind the stone. I swear, I think you're enjoying this. Just another day you die. Find a hide. Shoot to kill! Take the eastern slope. Where the fuck are they? They should have been here long time ago. That's what they want you to think. They're just doing what they're trained to do. They want to put us on edge. It's working. Relax. They'll be here. Find me that sniper, saajid. At my 11 o'clock, something moved in the snow. Do you see it? I don't see shit, bro. Kill one man, terrorize 1,000. Get ready for a gunfight. Ah! Well, say hello to my Russian friend! Rpg! Argh! No, no, no... I'm here to help you. I'm putting my gun away. Mmm. When did saajid choose them over us? Last month? Yesterday? Ten minutes ago? No difference. He's dead because he did. What? Did you hesitate before shooting this gutless traitor? What're they doing here? Eyes in the sky. We're done. Lesson learned. Helo him out of there. Put him back in the dirt. Roger that, colonel. Yourcontactis atourforwardopbase . Hewilltakeyou tomeet gazakovhimself. Youhaveaone-in-100chance hegivestheinformation youseek. Regardless, youhave36 hours untilyouneedtoofficially reporttoyourcoat thebatumi-gazsnabstation. Goodhunting. I'm looking for mothershed. You've found him. Zotov sent me. He said you could... Help you, yes. Zotov told me all about you. You're a cowboy and you want gazakov. Yeah, I do. Zotov said you can get me to him. It's suicide. Can you do it, or not? Let's say I can help you to find him. What then? Are you gonna ask him who his source is? Well, that's a start. I trade for it. Quid pro quo. His sister's husband was a spotter. Yeah. We blew him to bits. Well, what wouldn't gazakov give up in exchange for his brother-in-law's remains? Decapitating you, for one. I'm willing to take that risk. Man-to-man, it's worth a shot. No, it's not. Well, that's your opinion. I'm paid to have intelligent ones. Can you get the remains for me, or not? I wanna leave by sunrise. Then I guess we better not waste any time. What's this? The peace offering you requested. When I talked to zotov, i knew how all of this was gonna end up. That's all that's left of him? After a direct hit by a hellfire missile, yes. Right. We'll leave by sunup. What officially is your job with the pipeline, anyway? Hear that? I don't hear anything. Mq-1 predator drone. Say "cheese" before we end up in a cigar box. We have multiple heat signatures. Get the colonel. I've got something. Officially, I'm a geologist. A geologist? Oil and natural gas makes the world go round, my friend. The trans-Georgian pipeline is the biggest geopolitical game in town. All the major players are at the table. You, me, gazakov, we don't even rank as pawns. We are close. How do you know? They have been tracking us for the past hour. What are we doing then? Waiting for them to introduce themselves. What have you got? Potential hostiles, possible high-value individuals. Are you sure? Can't confirm, sir. They're here. Put your hands up. I'm not giving up my gun. Then you will die. Give me the cigar box and wait here. Hello. Peace be with you. We brought you the remains of Shaheed niazof. He's grateful for the remains of his brother. Now he can give him a proper islamic burial. Colonel, I think you should see this. What am I looking at? Sourcing targets. Facial recognition is impossible, sir. They're masked, but our guys down there tell us this is definitely gazakov country. How do I know it's not a Shepherd tending his flock? Last time I checked, Shepherds didn't need a belt-fed machine gun, sir. He says it was god's will that he was able to escape the drone attack. Ask him who gave him the coordinates of the sniper team. He says it was god's gift. It was not he who killed the infidel, but god's hand. He's lying. Brandon, be careful. His talent is god's given. This is an insult. I do not lie. Is the drone armed? Fully armed. Of course. Forgive us. He meant no disrespect. We will win this war. Maybe not in my lifetime... But in my children's and my children's children. We'll win. Now, go. I'll kill you another day. There's no way he could've made those shots without coordinates. Ask him how he got them. Brandon, stop. Ask him. Without the exact coordinates, you wouldn't have been able to kill the sniper. Who gave you that information? He seeks the same justice as you. You forget yourself, American. Take him out. Ah... I wish someone would've told me about this bone-headed move, so I could've said "no fucking way." Until I went up there, i didn't know who I could trust. And you sat down with gazakov? We didn't actually sit. Okay, so, what did you learn? From gazakov? Nothing. He just holds the rifle while god guides his hand. But I noticed something interesting. One of his militants carries a toughbook wrapped around his shoulder. Neverstoppedlookingatit. A computer toughbook? With a satellite uplink. That's a pretty serious piece of hardware for a militant, don't you think? You think gazakov fixed your units' locations with our very own drones, using equipment they could buy off of Amazon? No. We think they have mirrored your drone network, real time. Impossible. Improbable, yes, but not impossible. This is Robin. Yes, sir. He's right here. It's for you. Holdtheline, Beckett. This is Zeus. Are we secure? Yes, sir. Somebody wanna tell me what the fuck is going on? Idon'tunderstand,sir . Well,sergeantBeckett wentoffthereservation had an unsanctioned, unauthorized meet with gazakov. First I've heard of it. Is this how you run your men, major? No, sir. It's not. Gunnery sergeant Beckett, do you wanna be taken out of the field permanently? Just say the word, so I can put you in a desk in thumb-fucked Egypt. No, sir. You'reriding theedge,son. I can only cover your back for so long. They're watching our drone surveillance live feeds somehow. That's impossible. They don't have the brainpower or the hardware to mirror our drone network. System logon credentials are bought and sold on the black market. Nothing digital is completely secure. What you're suggesting doesn't even attain the level of a hunch. Listentome . You stick to the missions, I'll handle the intel. Idon'twannahave thistalkagain. As for you, major, run your team, do not let your team run you. Yes, sir. Sergeant Beckett, i want you back on the black sea with your crew. We'vegotanotherarchangel operationforKilliangrun. Now, I don't want this one to turn into another shit show like the last one did. Doyouhearme, major? Yes, sir. Shit show, last one. Good. I'm counting on you. Now get back to work. Well, hey. Welcome back to the party. I thought you went awol on us, brother. They put me on ice for a bit. Where's Barnes and aungst? Radio silence since 0900. Next scheduled check-in is 1400. Mountains and ravines, man. We gotta find 'em. They're gonna be used for target practice. Zeus, I got nothing. Intel says gazakov's here somewhere. We're here for long-range support. Let them do their thing, suicide. Troop's 90 seconds out. Sniper team in grove to the south, confirming the coordinates. One man alone on hill to north. South grove, right side? Yes, god willing. Georgian troops, dirt road at your 10 o'clock. Draw out the snipers. Shots fired. Troops have contact. Where the hell is that shooter? I can't find him. Fuck! Neither can I. Find me a target. Sniper team, 500 meters to your 2 o'clock. Shot came from my direct front. White house, second-story window. Argh! We've got a casualty! Range 2800 meters. Damn it. We got to move, major! I'm with you. You're good. Zeus! Peel, peel! The vest, take it off. What? Our GPS has been compromised. Stay with me. Please, please. Suicide, this is Zeus. Take off your vest. GPS compromised. Let's move! Move, let's get out of here now! Stay with me, aungst. Let's go. She's lost a lot of blood! All clear. March, quickly! How're we doing, major? Better since we ditched the vests and the GPS trackers. It nearly saved our lives. What have we got? This was a setup, sir. They've definitely hacked our network. Enough about the drones, Brandon. I'm telling you, they can see what we can see. This is your problem, major. No, it is our problem, Robin. The colonel is a good friend. I can't imagine he'll be pleased to read the reports I'll be sending to Brussels regarding cfc operations in my country. Attention on deck. As you were. What the hell happened out there? We got a tip on unsecured radio traffic that gazakov was holed up in a village just west of here. We humped in, set up. Turns out, it was a trap. They had our positions totally dialed in. GPS was completely compromised. Senior airman aungst was clipped. She's on a flight to Germany to get patched up. Perhaps gunny's drone story was true. I have my orders, too, gentlemen, and we don't have a lot of time. I'll check into it. We're gonna hit them back and we're gonna hit them back hard. Shut down GPS, are we clear? Yes, sir. Carry on, marines. Killiangrun ishereto observeoperation archangelinaction. Destroygazakov andhisforces whocontinueoperatingin kobuletiandSouthernGeorgia. All these areas have seen increasing attacks by Isis on ngo workers and civilians. As you can see in your packet, this is current satellite photography indicating gazakov and his men are near kobuleti, preparing to attack this station here tomorrow, destroyingitand killingallpersonnel. Weestimatethereare 40to50 enemycombatantsin thekobuletiareaasofnow. Theyareawareof archangel'sarrivalhere, whichisfurther incentivetohitus. Asyouknow, gazakovandhisilk arebadpeople. Theydon'tdifferentiate betweenhardandsofttargets and are known for hitting resorts, restaurants, big tourist attractions. My god! Recommendations? Evacuate all non-essential personnel at your kobuleti offices. Intercept and engage the insurgents before they're able to get here. How many additional troops can we put on the grounds there? Given our timeframe, not many. But we can augment a number of uavs. Two more units in the air by nightfall doubles our firepower. We'regoingto intercept theminkobuletibefore theygethere. You really think that's a good idea? I think it's our only idea. What if Beckett is right? What if they're in our system? What if they can see what we can see? They're not. And you are 100% sure of that? I'd rather be 80% sure early than 100% sure too late. Point taken, major. That's why we're not using GPS. All right. We know our role here. We don't like it. We don't make the missions, we execute them. You got a problem with that, keep it to yourself. What about our web gear? Are we going off grid? They recommended modification. If you haven't done it already, remove your GPS. We pull out 0300. What was the evidence of insurgent movement towards kobuleti? Drones. And what's there in kobuleti? Gazsnab home office. Soft targets. Well, what's in batumi? You know what's in batumi, gunny. We were just there. They're hitting it tomorrow. Exactly. We just left the master pumping station for the entire black sea transfer. If it gets hit, 900 kilometers of pipeline will be lost. All right. But I saw the insurgent movement with my own eyes. They are headed towards kobuleti. But how are the coordinates transmitted? Let me guess, the drone network. Can you tell me the location of the enemy sniper team? By god's greatness, yes. No GPS data now, but they were observed leaving gazsnab. Then they believe we are assembling in kobuleti? Yes, seems so. Streaming false information was simple. Georgian forces are riding out to engage the enemy, but that leaves Killian grun and the pumping station vulnerable to attack. It's a head fake, sir. Tomorrow is today. Call the colonel. We lost our uplink 15 clicks back, sir. Well, then, turn it around. Turn it around. You better be right. What if it's more than GPS data? What if they can see what we can see? Idon'tknow whattosay,colonel. Ourguyshavechecked. Ifthey'regetting information,it'sfrom anothersource. Well, it's too quiet. Something's not right. I can feel it in my bones. I don't fully trust bones. I trust zeroes and ones. No indication of enemy sniper teams or support troops. Our infrared heat signatures are suppressed. Send a message to the others. Grun must be taken alive. This game is binary. It's all about hard intel. Mm-hmm. My god! What is it? Are you okay? Ah! Gunny Beckett was right. They pulled data off of our uav net! Get command on the line for reinforcements. Get him the fuck out of here now! Argh! Cfc command, this is Robin slater, ID code 0-2-niner-green-8-0-9. We are under attack. I repeat, we are under attack. Cancel all uav overflight batumi, Georgia. Cancel all cfc aircraft, over. Authorization for grounding uav assets on hold for further review. "Further review"? Ground them now. They're pulling data off our network and who knows what else. - Just park it anywhere. - Find a hide now. Really, guys? Who wants their balls cut off first? I need a mag. Zeus, this is rampage. We're on glass, gone quiet, have engaged the target, over. I don't remember giving you permission to go live, rampage. My bad. Now merc those motherfuckers. Snipers. Find them. Suicide, have you made contact? Suicide is shaking hands with the devil, sir. Well, raise hell, boys. Mortar team, bro, my 11 o'clock. Authorization approved, Ms. slater. Clearing your airspace now. We've lost our infrared. Keep looking. Find me gazakov. He's here. I can feel him. No, get down! Way ahead of you, bro. My one. Not him. Who cares? Drop the fucking muji. Where are you? We got a rabbit, bro. Gazakov on the move. Oh, shit! Fuck! Oh, fuck me! Are you okay, pal? Yeah, just stay on glass and waste that fuck. Rampage, what's your status? This is rampage. Hostile threat down. I need a medic! You should see the other guy. Good work, son. Thank you, sir. Brandon, a word. Long time ago, I told your father all he had was killing. I was wrong. He had courage and he had grit. You are your father's son, gunny. I'll see you in the next one. See you. It's good to be back, boys. I missed you guys. That's what i like to see, a team. Pulled a Houdini on us back there, top. Oh, you know how it is. Things to do. But I wanted to stop by and say, "job well done." That means a lot coming from you, sir. But I thought I should tell you guys that I'm putting in for a transfer. I thought you were retired. I'll be retired in a different kind of way. I'll still be with the cfc, but in direct field operations. Keep a better eye on you guys. Hey, I brought someone to see you. Colonel, pull up a seat. You were right. I was wrong. You were just doing your job. Buy you a drink? Yeah, I'd like that. - Previously on "The Catch"... - Agent Dao is here right now. And going through your mail at the moment. You can't trust this guy. How well do you know Alice Vaughan? I know her well enough to know that you've been bugging her house. If you ever come anywhere near her again, I will personally see to it that you are deported back to where you came from. Do you want to maybe get a drink? Shawn kind of asked me to dinner. Our payment is now officially past due, so it won't be long before they send someone after us, and when that happens, we have two options... deliver or die. You've taken the words right out of my mouth. I really hope I don't have to kill you. Why'd you leave the family? You were next in line. No, I was never next in line. I'm a woman. Our Benefactor has decided to forgive your payment this month. He needs you to steal a bracelet. The Shives are here. Is every crime syndicate in town after this bracelet? - Hello, Ben. - Hello, Mickey. I suppose you're looking for this. Aah! Get in! 3JRQ158. What's your name? Benjamin Jones. Benjamin Jones. Where is it? Alice, I don't have time for games. If you want your bracelet back, you're going to have to play by my rules from now on. There you are! Where have you been? I've been calling you all night. My phone died. I thought you died. - What happened? - Oh, uh... Mickey Shive's aim isn't what it used to be. - Well, are you okay? Let me see. - I'm fine. - It's just a scratch. - Good. - Well, did you get the bracelet? - I did. I just... I have to shower and change. No, there's no time. We've got a new problem. Whatever it is, it's gonna have to wait. - Benji! - Rhys. Felicity. Morning. Benji! How are ya? ! You look well. Bit tired. - Ah! Ah! - Ooh, what happened here? - Uh... - Mwah! Did you miss me? Hello, sis. Mwah. As you can see, my brother's here for a visit. Our Benefactor has come to collect. Right, then. Where's my bracelet? Why do I have a feeling this is not a social call? I need that bracelet back. See, you're fine stealing from other people, but when it happens to you, you don't like it. I was forced to steal it to pay off my debt, and if I don't hand it over, - if I don't pay off my debt... - You're a dead man? I can tell by the way you said that, you don't believe me. I spent a year believing you. Look where that got me. That was the old me. This is the new me. And the new me is gonna get shot in the head if you don't give me the bracelet back. If I give it back, I'm an accessory to a crime. If you keep it, you'll be found guilty of the crime. And let me tell you something... my Benefactor isn't the only one looking for it. Those people shooting at me last night? If they find out you have it, they'll be shooting at you, too. Now you're just trying to scare me. No, I'm trying to terrify you, because you should be terrified, because I'm terrified for you. All right, fine. You want the bracelet so badly? Come and get it. I don't want to bother him, you know. It's... maybe something for later. He's great. But Alice... She's busy, too, and I just don't think that... Yes, we're talking about you. Shawn needs your help. It's actually not for me. It's for an army buddy of mine. You were in the Army? - The four years after college. - Totally. She's one of the first female Army Rangers, and she could really use your help. "She"? Captain Nia Brooks, this is Alice Vaughan... Hi. - Valerie Anderson... - Hello. And this is Danny Yoon, the detective I was telling you about, and Sophie. I have heard good things. Oh, he's way too nice to me. He is annoyingly perfect, isn't he? We hear congratulations are in order. You're making history. Thank you, but I'm not sure what I'm... Don't let her downplay it. Nia's the first woman ever to join the Rangers... the Army's elite special ops force. Now that the Pentagon's opened up combat roles to women, she'll be among the first to deploy. Which is why there's been backlash. Stupid stuff at first. My gear was stolen, equipment was messed with. But then I started getting threats. What kind of threats? E-mails, notes, photos. Did you report all this? To my commanding officer weeks ago. But then I got this. My dog tags, which had been stolen, along with a killed-in-action letter on official stationary addressed to my parents. That's when I said maybe she should come in and meet you guys. Yeah, but the thing is, if anyone knew I went outside the Army for help... No one will know. We will figure out who's behind this, and we'll make it stop. What you're doing is too important. Thank you. But if you could just find out who this is, I'll take care of it myself. Maybe you can take care of a federal agent for me while you're at it. No, please. Allow me. So, where is it? Someplace safe. That sounds unnecessarily mysterious. There were Shives all over the consulate last night. Reps from all the major U.S. syndicates. Armed to the teeth. So I hid the bracelet so if they got to me, they wouldn't be able to get to it. Clever boy. Well done. - How's your omelet? - Mm, it's fine. You must have worked up quite an appetite. Mmm! That is good. You want to try Felicity's omelet? No, thanks. I've had it. So, what is this bracelet, Rhys? Why is every crook in town after it? 'Cause it's worth a bloody fortune. Well, you already have a fortune. Several, including mine. - Now, now. - Ben's right. You didn't fly all the way from London for a piece of jewelry. What's it really? All right. - The truth? - Mm-hmm. I'm not here for the bracelet. I'm not just here for the bracelet. I'm here because Mum sent me. - You are not! - What? - It's true. - Since when do you listen to Mum? How can you not? She bangs on and on. - The woman never shuts up. - About what? About you. About us. She wants us to make peace. I wasn't aware we were at war. No, not officially. So you'll forgive our debt? Yes. I will. The minute you pay me back. And so much for making peace. I did forgive you this month's payment in exchange for the bracelet. Speaking of which... Shall you and me go and retrieve it from its secret hiding place? I think it's safer for you if I go alone, in case anyone's watching me. That's pretty thoughtful of you, Benji. Don't be long. I've come to apologize. We're not interested in your apology. Then perhaps this. A peace offering. What are we looking at? A gala at the Larágan Consulate. They had an uninvited guest. Your friend, Christopher Hall. We believe he stole something from the Larágan Prime Minister. What did he steal? This. If we find that bracelet, we'll find Christopher Hall. Maybe he is here to make peace. Oh, right, 'cause that's what Rhys does. Wherever he goes, he just makes peace. Why would you believe anything that comes out of his lying mouth? Because I know him. I know when he's lying. See? This is exactly why I had to get you away from him... because the minute the two of you are together, - I cease to exist. - That's not true. I am partners with you now, not him. Well, make sure he knows that. I know my brother. He's here for more than just a bracelet. So whatever it is, we have to present a united front. He'll try and divide and conquer. He always does. So we can't let him or anything else come between us. Do you promise me? I promise. We don't know much about the bracelet... only that every crime syndicate in town seems to be after it. But you think Christopher has it. So what do you want from us? You're the one with all the information. I wanted to share it with you to make it up to you. You think this makes up for bugging my house, invading my privacy? We all have the same goal, Ms. Vaughan. We have very different methods, Agent Dao. So if you'll excuse me... You want to make it up to her? Then don't come back until you catch him. You slept with my brother! I wasn't aware you and I were exclusive. No, we're not. Let's be clear. This is not romantic jealousy you are witnessing. This is disgust. You slept with me, and then you slept with my brother. Technically, I slept with him first. I've been doing that for quite some time. - I assumed you knew. - How would I know? Given your rather pronounced lesbian tendencies, why would I make that assumption? You sleep with Ben. How do you explain your lesbian tendencies? I prefer not to. Takes all the fun out of them. Did you know he was coming? No, I would have told you. Do you know why he wants this bracelet? He's not said. Can you find out? He thinks I'm his. Right, which is exactly why he might actually tell you. And then you can tell me. What's in it for me? I don't know. What would you like? You are disgusting. - I think I'm nice. - Hmm. So, both the Army and the media are making Nia the center of attention with these stories. There have been articles for and against her in every major publication. And the stuff on the message boards is out of control. But this was somebody close to her, close enough to steal her dog tags. Someone she went to Ranger school with, someone who washed out? Sophie and I went through a list of the wash-outs. And so far, there's only one of them who's had access to this kind of official stationary. 1st Lieutenant Evan Connors. That little bitch is making death threats? I didn't say that, or use those words, but has he ever said anything? No. No, he knows better. What about any other Rangers? The other Rangers are my family now. They've got my back. It isn't them. What about outside the Rangers? The only person I see is Shawn. Shawn? Sullivan, as in Agent Shawn. Wait, so you and Shawn are... No, I thought he was dating you. No, I mean, we've gone out a couple times... I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry. - Was that a secret? - No, no. No, it's fine. So, when do I get to have this little chat with Evan Connors? Not yet. Not until we have proof. We'll find this guy, whoever he is. Just... give us a little more time. We're talking more now than we did when you were Christopher Hall. Where are you now? On my way to the Larágan Consulate to return the bracelet. Alice, don't do that. Agent Dao is looking for it, too. Dao's the least of my problems right now. Mine, too, at the moment. I'll have to call you back. I assume you're here for this? Allie, behind you! I'll take that gun and the bracelet. Are you all right? Are you hurt? Is your neck okay? - I'm fine! I'm fine! - How's your neck? - They're getting away! - Is your neck okay? - You're not going after them. - Don't tell me what to do. Get in the car or get out of my way! This is my debt! It's my problem! It's my fault I stole the bracelet from you. I am doing this alone. Let me help. I want to help. You want to help me steal a bracelet? I want to help you not die. You don't know anything about these people... who they are or how they work. No, I don't. But I know someone who does. You want to work with Agent Dao? Mm-hmm. Are you absolutely sure? Mm-hmm. Is he back? - Have you heard from him? - Not yet. I thought you two were supposed to be partners. We are. When Benji and I were partners, I knew where he was at all times. Well, maybe that's why he's working with me and not with you. You're in a mood. I have missed you, you know. You have not. I have. You used to do all the work. I didn't have to do anything. Yeah, it's good to be king. Did you actually think that when Dad died they would put you in charge? I mean, I don't know if you've noticed, darling, but you're kind of a lady. Men don't like taking orders from ladies. Tell that to the Queen. I think Elizabeth knows. The thing is... you act as if you've been exiled. When, in actual fact, you abandoned me, and you took Benji with you. He did have a choice in the matter. Yeah, but I couldn't exactly offer him the same enticements, could I? Not for lack of trying. He is rather straight, isn't he? Bless him. How are things in that department? Fine, thanks. How's about things with you and whatever her name is? Felicity. She's fascinated by the two of you. She tells me you do all your own legwork for every con. Yeah, well, we can't exactly afford staff with the debt you've got us carrying. I keep meaning to ask you. What happened? How come you got no money all of a sudden? You used to be very good at this. I still am! It's not me. It's your precious Benji. Really? Do tell. You're back. I was worried. About you, not the bracelet. Can I have it? I'm sorry. Mickey Shive was waiting for me. What do you think they're gonna do with it? Sell it, of course. Same as me. To whom? Rhys, if you tell us a bit about the bracelet, we can help you recover it. Oh, you're going to. Tell me about Mickey Shive. So, what do we know about 1st Lieutenant Evan Connors? He drinks light beer. That's reason enough to sic Nia on him. Yeah, I'm gonna have to get back to you on that. You need to turn around and go home. What are you doing here? If anyone sees me with you... You know how we avoid that? By leaving right now. - Let's go. - He's here, isn't he? - I just want to talk to him. - Do you want our help or not? - There a problem here? - No. There's not a problem here. - Danny, this is my brother, Brian. - Who's this guy? - A friend of mine. - I'm... All right? Now go back to your friends. I'm fine. Nia, Nia, Stop! Was this you? Nope. But whoever it was, I'm a fan. - What the hell's going on here? - Nia, can we go? I carried the same weight as you, ran the same miles as you. I just didn't wash out like you. You failed twice, same as me. But Sergeant Moore was told he had to graduate at least one woman. So if you're wondering why we all hate you, including Sergeant Moore... You want to talk that way to my sister in front of me, Lieutenant? You sure you want to do that? I can fight my own battles, Brian. You want to find out what kind of soldier I am? Come on. You and me, right now. See? That's the thing about girls... so emotional. You're not worth it. Nia. Nia! Why would I bother with death threats? You're not even a real soldier. The minute you land overseas, you're gonna die. Hey. - What did you do that for? - That wasn't for you. That was for me. I hate that guy. You're focusing on Christopher because you want it to be Christopher, but we can't ignore the other two crime families that were there last night. We're watching all of them. If Mickey Shive has the bracelet and tries to move it or sell it, we'll be there when Christopher tries to steal it from them. And if Christopher has the bracelet? We'll be there when they try to take it from him. Will you let me know when and where so I can be there? Of course. Does your hand hurt? - No, it's fine. - Really? 'Cause that's not how you throw a punch. That was a solid punch! No, that is how you break your hand. Come here. Let me show you. - Oh, easy! Oh! - Oh, I'm sorry. That is gonna be bad in the morning. Let's put some ice on it. Don't touch anything. What's that supposed to be? A battlefield cross for soldiers who die in combat. It's my grave. Mickey Shive has a girlfriend. That poor girl. She's a porn star, and personal trainer, of course, named Erin Savvy. I love Los Angeles, don't you? Ms. Savvy has an apartment at the Park Plaza, and Shive is there. - I'm on my way now. - I'll come with you. No, you will not. Mickey Shive is probably armed, definitely dangerous, and you're not going anywhere near him. And as for you, you're not doing yourself any favors with me coming up here trying to get my partner killed. - I only came here bec... - Now you're interrupting? We want to catch Christopher as much as you do. And we're happy to share information. But that is it. You copy? Copy that. Allie? Copy that. _ _ There he is. That's him. That's Mickey Shive. Oh, he does look like a proper gangster, doesn't he? I'm making the call. Oh, I wanted to make the call. - It's already dialing. - I've practiced my accent and everything. - Rhys, this is serious. - I know. Give me the phone. 911? There's a man. He's been shot. I think he's dying. Please. Uh, yeah, the Park Plaza, room 701. Oh, my God, there's... there's so much blood. It's a little theatrical. You used to love my theatrics. Yeah, your theatrics got us into a lot of trouble. You used to love trouble. My sister's domesticated you. She sucked all the fun out of you, like some Earl Grey succubus. Just because it's not you and me getting wasted every night, with different women every night... - Sometimes the same woman. - doesn't mean... - At the same time. - that I'm not fun. Yeah, but are you happy, Benji? You don't seem very happy to me. Shive's on the move. You didn't answer my question. Well, I think it's called growing up. Oh. You've grown up, have you? I'm trying. So is that why you left? You know why I left. You made it impossible for her to stay. What? And you and Margot are the same person, are you? You have to do everything she does? Oh, I hate couples like that. You wouldn't even know each other if it weren't for me. I invited you into this family. You were my partner, and she stole you. She didn't steal me. I left because I wanted to be with her. Interesting. Interesting. Use of the word "wanted..." past tense. Now you're reaching. Now, I'm just listening, just mirroring. You can come back to the firm any time you want, you know. - I've forgiven you. - Oh, you've forgiven me? Hey, maybe I've done some growing up, too. Right. When can we put the siren on? It's called the battlefield cross. Oh, my God. The door was open when we got there, but it didn't look forced. So they might have had a key. Or stolen a key and copied it. If they got to her dog tags, could have gotten to her key. Can we check CCTV footage from last night? I did, but you can't see Nia's house from the street. Couldn't have been Evan. I was tailing him all day. Did Nia give you any other suspects? No, but Evan did... he said Nia's C.O. was forced to graduate at least one female Ranger. - If only for publicity's sake. - What's his name? His name is Sergeant Joshua Moore. I'll see what I can dig up on him. Did you search Nia's house last night? No, I'm headed back there now. - I'll come with you? - Yeah, sure. You could have your old job back, be your own man. What makes you think I'm not my own man? My sister would never allow that. You underestimate her. That is one thing I would never do. Is there a problem, officer? As a matter of fact, Mickey, there is. You see, you took something very valuable from my friend here. Hello, Mickey. See how much fun this is? ! See, if you came back, we could do this all the time. Do you want to have a go? Suit yourself. Nia? What are you guys doing here? You can't be here. I'm not alone. Oh. Hey, I'm Todd. Uh, Captain Todd Walker, this is... Captain, I'm Felicia. This is Greg. We're Nia's property managers. Here to assess the damage, but it looks like there isn't any. Yeah, Todd came over to help, so... Wanted to make sure she didn't lose her security deposit. Yeah. So, uh, it was nice meeting you. Nia, check in later? Yeah, I'll walk you out. So, who's Captain Todd Walker? And why is he leaving with all our evidence? When I got out of the shower, Rhys was on the phone speaking Punjabi. He thinks I only speak Hindi. Not that he's ever asked. And what was he saying? Apparently the diamonds in the bracelet came from India 200 years ago before the British walked in and stole everything. So he's selling them back? He's giving them back. That little bastard. He's expanding into India. And Africa and the Middle East. To think Ben and I were just gonna hand him that bracelet. Are you not? Certainly not... not under the terms of our current agreement. This calls for a renegotiation. Rhys and I just had the most enlightening talk with Mickey Shive. Do you have the bracelet? Well, there's good news and bad. Mickey gave it to his boss this morning. - Emeric Shive is in town? - Until tomorrow. Then he's leaving on a private jet. Bound for India, I expect. How did you know? What's the good news? We have until noon tomorrow to figure out a way to steal the bracelet back. Do me a favor. When you get the bracelet, give it to me. I'll give it to Rhys. Is that her? Don't tell me you got to check in, as well. Got to go. Come on, before Mickey wakes up. Oh, don't worry about that. Can't have him talking to the cops. Besides, isn't he the one that put a bullet hole in your lovely suit? Can I drive? We need to work faster. This is Mickey Shive? Two shots fired with ballistics I've only ever seen once... in Paris... a woman named Nathalie Duchamp. And you think Shive and this woman were killed by... Christopher Hall. Hey, what's up? Dao's here. Mickey Shive is dead. How? - What happened? - Shot twice in the back. Dao thinks Christopher did it. I have to call you back. What are you doing here? Allie. You made me an accessory to murder. Dao gave me Shive's location. I gave it to you, and now Shive is dead. This is why I didn't want you involved. The people I work for, the people I work with are killers. And you're not? You know I'm not. You act like I'm just supposed to believe you. After everything you've done to me, every lie you've told... Did you at least get the bracelet back? No. Shive gave it to his boss, who's on a flight to India tomorrow, so I have from now until then to get it back. But you can't. Dao is watching him, waiting for you to make your move. I can't not. My boss needs that bracelet. So does Dao. Well, this is not gonna end well for me. Or for me. I know you don't believe a word I'm saying, but I am sorry, Allie. Let me ask you something. What if it were possible for Dao to get his bracelet and you to get yours? There's only one bracelet. Just like there's only one Maria Kreyn? You did not have to do this. We're a full-service security firm. Stakeouts and takeout. If you need anything, I'll be right over there. Well, I don't need you sitting out there in front of my house all night. Why? 'Cause I'm a man? No, because I'm never gonna be able to eat all that by myself. You're here to help, right? We are a full-service organization. Hello? Hey. Where are you? I'm on my way. What's gonig on? Army Rangers go through regular performance reviews, right? - For promotions? - Okay. So Nia's friend Todd got reviewed and promoted six months early. By whom? Nia's C.O., the guy Evan mentioned in the bar... Sergeant Joshua Moore. Do you want me to tell her or... No, I'll do it. Thanks, Soph. Yep. What'd she say? I'm sorry, but you're wrong. - Nia... - No, Shawn. You've met them both. It isn't Todd or Sergeant Moore. Nia, I can't even imagine how difficult this is for you. I got through Ranger school with Todd. He'd do anything for me. I'd do anything for him. - I hope that's true. - And Sergeant Moore wasn't forced to pass me. I got through the course like everyone else. We're not implying that you didn't. Look... I appreciate you guys trying to help. I do, but... You're wrong. I'm sorry I wasted your time. Let's find out. What? Let's find out if we're wrong. Let's find out if Todd is really your friend. - How? - Meet with him. Tell him everything... about coming here, about us. You hired private detectives? You saw what happened to my house, that stuff on my wall. You're not supposed to go outside on stuff like this. You can't tell anyone. Okay? After you leave, he'll run straight to Sergeant Moore or whoever's giving him orders. - We got a big problem. - He'll want to calm him down, so he'll agree to meet. You got to get here right now. And when they do, we'll be there. Oh, my God. Is that...? Nia's brother. My own brother? ! Look, before you say anything... Major Brooks, you don't get to talk right now. You don't get to tell me what to do, Ms. Vaughan. Shut up, Brian! Does Dad know about this? You gonna tell him? You sent me death threats. - Nia. - You destroyed my house. - I was trying to protect you. - How? By turning my friends against me? First Todd, and then my C.O.? ! That's what I'm trying to tell you. You have no friends! Listen, I love you. I respect you. You are the strongest, bravest woman I know. But you're a woman. And there are Rangers out there who hate you because of that, who do not have your back. And if they don't have your back in combat, you're dead. And I don't want you to die. There are other ways you can serve. All I ever wanted to be is a Ranger. Like Dad. Like you. You are a Ranger. - Ms. Vaughan... - It's okay, Alice. It's not okay. I'm sorry. I'm so tired of hearing men say they are trying to protect us when what that does is take away our choices. This is your life. These are your choices to make. But they're yours. Not his. You okay? He said he was just trying to help. So, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna go be a Ranger. And if he's right and something happens out there, it's kind of the gig, you know? You work with some powerful, kick-ass women. Well, that's the way I like them. I don't understand. Why is he not picking up? - He's not picking up because... - Benji, call me! Because I am doing the talking for both of us. Margot. We had a deal. Yes, we had a deal to steal the bracelet from the Larágan Consulate in exchange for our missed payment, but now... We had a deal for the bracelet. If you want us to steal it again, then you will forgive our debt in full. It's a small price to pay for all of India, Africa, and the Middle East. - Who told you about that? - Do we have a deal? Because, in 40 minutes, that bracelet is on its way to India without you. I am going to need this in writing. You are the absolute worst. You know that? Most people have sisters who love them, support them. Most people don't have you for a brother. All right. What's the plan? The plan is already in motion. We are good to go. Copy that. Eyes on Emeric Shive. _ Agent Dao? Shive's hiding to the airport. I'm on my way. Welcome aboard, Mr. Shive. Champagne? Cutting it a little close, don't you think? It turns out Emeric Shive has a very high tolerance for doctored champagne. It's good to know for next time. There's not gonna be a next time. Now, you say that now... Is he here? Did you find Christopher? He didn't show. But we did find this. Hmm. We'll catch him next time. Here's to freedom. And to family. Hear, hear. To our Benefactor. Former Benefactor. Here's to India... and Africa and the Middle East. And Los Angeles. I like it here. I think I'll stay. I was sure Christopher would be there. Can you not just enjoy the fact that you arrested Emeric Shive today? And you got the bracelet back. Exactly. It was too easy. I can't help but think I'm being played. By whom? Alice? Me? Maybe. Alice plays games... while you seduce me. Is that what you think I'm doing? God, I hope so. How do I know you're not just using me? Oh, I am. Thank you... for saving my life today. It can't ever happen again. I'm lying to Val again. I'm lying to Dao. I'm in bed with the man who ruined my life. Do you want me to leave? That's the problem. So, are you never gonna ask? Ask what? Who's better? Brother or sister? Oh, that's it. Go on. Get out of here. Bye. Safe travels. Will you visit me now that you're free? What, in India? Or Africa or the Middle East. Wow. He's put you in charge of all that? He must really trust you. Oh. As much as he trusts anyone. Watch yourself with him. I love my brother, but he's only out for himself. Unlike the rest of us. Sleep well. You naughty girl. I was just saying goodbye. It looks like you were doing a great deal more than that. - Rhys, I wasn't... - Shh, shh, shh, shh. It's late. Let's you and I go and have a little chat while you pack. I didn't tell her about the bracelet. Hey. Hey. It's all right. I'm not angry. Well, I am a little bit. But I'll get over it. I just need a little quid pro quo. That's how it works in my family. Margot gets something on me, I get something on her. I don't know anything. She didn't tell you why she couldn't make this month's payment... what went wrong on her last con? All she said was... there was a woman. Alice Vaughan? Alice Vaughan. Alice... Vaughan. Thank you, darling. That'll do nicely. Hello, Ms. Vaughan. How lovely to meet you. Allen, are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Geez, I've been waiting for you. I'm so sorry, guys. Oh, I'm so glad you weren't killed. And it's not your fault the bomb went off. It was your first bomb. Yes, Kay, there's clients waiting for you here. You took forever at the hospital. They're, they're, they're piling up. Oh, you're back. We've settled everything. We're getting a divorce. Oh, can you just give me a moment? We've decided to have one last session with you, and if we can't resolve it, it's over. - Yes. - Well, um, um... Could we just go into the office and talk about this? Oh, there you are. We had a 10:00 appointment, remember? You said you'd fit us in. - It's an emergency. - So sorry. - Lorna left me. - Oh, no. Yeah, she, she walked out, left a note and, and I'm so upset! Well, we're gonna break up too unless there's a major change. But my wife already did. I'm gonna kill myself. That's, come on, it's a lot of pain now but you don't kill yourself. No, if she's gone for good, I'm gonna kill myself. She wants to be a professional hooker. She wants to be a hooker? Wow, I wish I was so lucky. Oh, thank you very much. Let's have a group session, come on. Have you guys met? No, not at all. Oh, my gosh. We came as soon as we heard. How are you? Okay, you were probably right behind my wife in the car. - Oh, goodness. - I'm so sorry. Hi, Mom, I'm fine, I'm fine. Your mother and I were worried sick. He's fine. Kay? Come on out here. There's not a scratch on the kid. You call this fine? Well, you know he's, he's not dead. Well, how did it happen? It's obvious, a... a gas leak. In his bedroom? No, no, in the garage. We have methane and we're built on a swamp here, so... And the house explodes? No, no, the house occasionally explodes. This time it was the garage. You get used to it if you're... We haven't seen you in so long. - So sorry. - We were hoping we'd find you under better circumstances. Oh, no, he's okay. We're so grateful that you introduced them. Can we get back to our problems? He's called the lawyer now. Wait, Lorna got a lawyer too. Hey, Bernstein, that shyster! - He's always on TV. No... - Listen, it's my fault. It's my fault you pay your wife for sex, my fault. - Now, now... - You pay your wife for sex? Listen, I'm gonna take poison. - No, you're not. - Yes! Let's go in and talk this through. We can work this out. We can work it out. Mom, Dad, I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you. It wasn't gas, it was a bomb. - What was a bomb? - It was a bomb. I was trying to make a bomb. I screwed it up. - You were building a bomb? - Yes. Why? I think I missed a beat here. I was making a bomb and it, I don't know, the gunpowder, it went off. - Why were you making a bomb? - To blow up something. What? The statue of Andrew Jackson by the armory. Why? Well, what do you have against Andrew Jackson? He was a slave owner. This was 150 years ago when everybody had slaves. George Washington had slaves then. The guy was a military man, and this was meant to be a protest against the war, against Vietnam, against all wars. Since when are you a pacifist? There are no slaves anymore. No? I think what Allen is implying is that there are wage slaves. Meaning what? Meaning that your firm, it pays its employees the minimum, just enough to get by and remain a permanent underclass. Are you accusing me of exploitation? Are you ever coming in here? My wife is walking up and down Eighth Avenue in shorts! I asked you a question. Do you think I exploit my workers? If the shoe fits, wear it. You know, I say that with love. Oh, she says that, if the shoe fits wear, it's her expression. Who? Not Ellie, not your fiancée. And where is she by the way? We want to meet her. I'm not so sure Ellie is going to be my fiancée. What are you talking about? We put a deposit on the hall. We hired an orchestra, caterers, we sent out invitations. Don't take this personally, but we really do take advantage of our workers but we don't, we don't know it because we live a capitalistic existence. I earned every dime. I started poor. I worked from 14 on. Okay, okay, let's not hear about how you were delivering heavy packages down on Wall Street and some broker gave you a hot stock tip. Can I help it if it's true? "Buy California Fiber" she whispered to an associate. I was within earshot, I borrowed $300. You stole $500. Borrowed, stole, everyone got paid back! You always idolized military might. I fought at Guadalcanal. I'm proud to say I've got a Purple Heart. You know that reminds me. My blood work comes back today. Yeah, you got a Purple Heart for being wounded while you were trying to kill other young men. Young men with a different color skin than yours. With yellow skin, and you called them Japs and Nips and meanwhile, we're dropping an atomic bomb on their country while innocent Japanese-Americans here at home are being thrown into concentration camps and their land is being confiscated and stolen. If I had my life to live over, I would live a more committed life. I would have a more, a more passionate existence. It's not passionate enough? The passion's gone out of our marriage too. But not for me. Listen, I love Lorna. I even get along with her pimp. Okay? So I... Now has the passion gone out of our marriage? At least I don't charge you to screw me. Get them out of here. Meanwhile you were nearly killed! Well, you know, there's no statute of limitations on injustice. Listen, I love Lorna. No, no, I need help now. I'm suicidal. Why does no one care? - I do care. - No, you don't care. Look, I do care. I care very much. Let's go in, we'll have our session, and we'll talk about it okay? - We had an appointment. - I'm waiting for you here. - I'm waiting for you here. - We're the ones who had an appointment. I'm going to go in with you, and then we'll have a session. Just a second. - Oh, my God. - Hi. Let me reschedule you. Hello. I didn't expect you. Is this Thursday? - Hi, it is. - I don't even know my own name. Come on in. In we go. This is the Brachmanns. Brachmanns, this is my, my, my book club. How do you do? Oh, we, we, we finished the book about Karl Marx and we also finished the little pamphlet about guerrilla warfare. And Lucy has become an expert on hand-to-hand combat. And I learned how to take apart and reassemble an AK-47 blindfolded! - She did! - Yeah, isn't that wonderful? My, my husband was so impressed. We found a guy who smuggles them in from Russia. I read all about how to kill a person with an ice pick without leaving a mark! - What is that vein, Rose? - Jugular. Right, you stick the ice pick in the jugular. Well, what kind of book club is this? Cultural. Chairman Mao says... an unarmed person is like a sheep in a forest of wolves. Chairman Mao, you're quoting Mao? You know, Mao, he also said that the laws of a nation are written in the street. Karl Marx's biography was exhilarating. I love what he said about the United States. "We're gonna spend ourselves into destruction." You know that was actually Lenin. Oh, I always confuse the two. Which, which one had the beard, Marx or Lenin? - Both! - Both. And the little beard. Let's go into the dining room, into the dining room, and then we'll have our meeting in there. - Okay. - Nice to meet you, very nice. - Hello. - Oh, Ellie. Hi. Oh, these are my parents. Oh, Judy, yes, Judy. You must be Lou. - I'm Lou. Yes. - Oh, good. Allen, look who's here! - Oh, my goodness, how are you? - Oh my God! - What happened to you? - I'm fine, I'm fine. - Look, they took me to the... - Nice to finally meet you. Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, these are my parents. - Hello, hi, hi, I'm Ellie. - Yes, yes. Oh, she's as beautiful as you said she was. - That's very sweet of you. - Hi, I'm Allen's mother. This is his dad. You can call me Mom. And me Dad. We, we heard about the gas leak. No, no, there was no gas leak. It was a bomb. - A bomb? - What? Who bombed you? One of those crazy underground radical idiots, right? No, he's joking. Can I offer anyone an aperitif? - I'm your host. How are you? - How do you do? - How do you do? - Hello, nice to meet you. This is a fun group, I hope. Yes, yes. Kay? Kay! I could use a scotch. And, oh, and who are you? My wife left me. We got into a major fight because I wouldn't pay her enough to go to bed with me and now she's on the West Side stopping cars. I'm, I need help now! - Yes. - I, yeah. - This is my patient. - No, I'm not your patient. I'm a client and I'm not your patient. Are you never coming back in? The more we wait, the more we disagree. Let's get this over with. I hope you all brought some paper and pens 'cause Rose is teaching us how to forge passports. Why do you need to learn how to forge passports? What on earth for? Are you the girl's mother? I am. How do you do? Judy. And you are? Rita Needleman. But you can call me by my new name, Rita Mohammed. Girls, come on in, girls! Girls, come and meet all these people. Hi, hi, hi. Hello. I don't think my passport came out very well. All right, look, everybody, look, once and for all, there was never a gas leak. I was making a bomb and it blew up in my face. I'm sorry, did you just say you were making a bomb? Yes, I was making a bomb. I was making a bomb to strike a blow for civil rights and make an anti-war statement in one gesture. Eve, our son is having a mental breakdown. I saw it coming on. I think we need to reassess. Excuse me. You were making a bomb? Is this, uh, some sort of club? The first thing to do in setting up a new government is to take control of the press and the radio and TV stations. - Absolutely. - That's right. Naturally, for a short period of time temporarily there will be suspension of civil liberties. Actually, I, um, uh, I, I have an announcement to make too. I'm pregnant. - What? - What? I don't understand. You're pregnant? I'm pregnant. I think I'm gonna pass out. - How did that happen? - The usual way. I mean I hope the bomb didn't affect your memory. You're pregnant. Chairman Mao say... death's certain, life unpredictable. He got that from Charlie Chan. Congratulations, Allen. Thank you, it's, but, wait, I mean... No it's okay. It's, it's okay. If, if you want to go to Cuba and work for Fidel's revolution I'll come with you. We can raise the baby there. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - What are you talking about? You would raise our grandson as a communist? These are all just labels, aren't they? I mean we are all just human beings. I don't believe in abortion. Who said anything about abortion? My grandson will never be a commie. Well, we all know how you feel. Better dead than red. Don't you think this calls for champagne? God, you're pregnant. I think some champagne would be nice. Yeah! I'm expecting the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I'll be right back. - Who are you? - Where's Lenny? What? Wait a minute, what, who are you guys? Lenny said to meet her here. We have something for her. Wait, what have you got for her? She needs this to get to Cuba. The money for the pilot. And some letters she needs to give to Fidel. Fidel? My God, did anyone see you come here? Why is everybody going to Cuba? Don't they know it's forbidden? Man, the police been following us for days now. I think we finally lost them. The police have been following them. Did you hear this guy? The police have been following them, they... Is something illegal going on here? That's a very good question you ask. Oh, look, girls! Are, are you Black Panthers? Girls, real Black Panthers! We are with the Constitutional Liberation Party. How exciting. Which one of you is Abbie Hoffman? Abbie Hoffman is white. Are there White Panthers? In India, Rose Epstein saw a white tiger. No, I think you're thinking of the Detroit Tigers. Man, what did we get into here? Where's Lenny? These people commit criminal acts. No, these people are freedom fighters. Right. You know, Chairman Mao said that one man's criminal is another man's freedom fighter. - That's right. - Thank you. Wait, wait, you know what? I'd like to get you all something to eat. All right, everybody, stay calm all right? We don't need no fireworks. No, we should, we should appear like a normal group. I don't understand, Ellie. How can you be serious about living in Cuba? Because I love you, and you're gonna be the father of our child. Congratulations! Thank you. And you said that Havana was romantic. That there are palm trees and beaches and anything is possible if you're in love. Unless you're in love with someone else. He's not. He's not in love with me. He wouldn't last a weekend in Cuba. He's just in love with what I symbolize. His inner radical has come out, which is a step up. I'm sorry, Allen. She's that woman on TV. Oh, my God, that's the escaped fugitive! For God's sake, Sid, answer the door. Oh, yes, that's right, could be the Marx brothers. We're from the gas company. We understand there was a gas leak reported. No, no, that was a while ago. It's okay. - Who are you two? - Gas company. How do we know you're not undercover agents? For who? The FBI. We're here to check a gas leak. Who are you? They're members of the Detroit Tigers. Really? Baseball players. The gas is, the, the, the basement's over there. I need to get to this spot just right up here. The roads are not safe. She's gonna have to get out in the trunk of somebody's car. Somebody's gotta drive her. - You two guys can take her. - Are you kidding? We'll be stopped and searched by every trooper on the highway. - I'll drive her. - No, you will not. You will not! No one in this house is going to help a wanted criminal escape. - Are you crazy? - No, look, I said I'm gonna take her. - I'm gonna take her. - I said no. Let's go. If you don't get there on time, he'll get nervous and leave. I'll drive you! You can't, Helen. With your eyesight and sense of direction, you'll wind up in Brooklyn. But she's a sister revolutionary. Listen, if you miss this plane we can't set up an escape for another month. You could wind up stuck here God knows how long. I'll take her. No, yes, I'm gonna take you. Are you crazy? You'll drive her? She's not gonna be here another month because she eats my sturgeon, she eats my navel oranges. She's out, I want her out. Hey, you don't have a gas line that extends out... Hey, aren't you the... You're that escaped criminal the FBI's looking for. Okay, you two, up against that wall. Go up against the wall. You'll be fine. Just stay against the wall. Let's go, Lenny. Time's running out. - Wish me luck. - Don't want to miss your plane. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking you were never prouder of me in this moment. Hand signal, please. You're a terrible driver. She's right, she's right. Okay, get into the trunk. - What? - Get into the trunk. You want me to get in the trunk? Yeah, unless you want me to put you under the hood. - Oh, Jesus Christ. - Get into the trunk. Try and get comfortable. It's a little tight in there, but you'll make it. Oh, God. I need help now, I need help. Would you have really gone to Cuba with me? I said I loved you. And you do know that, even after we're married I still plan to be very active in helping our country reach its full potential? That's fine, but no more explosions okay? No, no, no. Now that I'm going to be a father. And we can move to San Diego. Yeah, sure, you know. As good a place as any. And you won't get too radical. Only in bed. Come here. - Sorry. - No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. You know how fast you were going? Let me guess. Too fast, right? What, are you a wise guy? Let me see your license. Jesus. You're not gonna believe this. Office, this has never happened to me before. I left it on the table in my foyer. I've never once been out without my license. Okay, okay, can I see your registration? It's, it's not in there. Okay, step out of the car please and open your trunk. The trunk? The, the, the trunk of my car? Yeah, where you heading so fast, huh? I, I, I'm, I gotta catch a plane. Yeah, well, there's no airports around here. Yeah, I was gonna take a private to the airport. Well, you know, shouldn't be driving without a license. I know, I know. I've never done that before. Have I seen you somewhere, huh? Me? I don't think so. You look familiar to me. Maybe you know me from my... maybe you read my book. You know me from my book jacket. Yeah, who are you? S. J. Muntzinger. You're S. J. Muntzinger? Yeah. The S. J. Muntzinger? Yeah, you know my books? My God, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're a genius! Well, you know I, I try. What are you doing out here? I thought you, I thought you lived in Manhattan. No, no, I'm up here in this area. Ah, I gotta tell you I loved your book and my kids did too. They're the ones who actually turned me onto it. It's great! Oh, well, thank you. Thank you very much. A real genius. Although I have to say, I thought you'd be much younger. Well, I, you know, nothing I can do about that. I, it's my haircut probably. Yeah, so this is what you look like, huh? Yeah, for better or worse. Yeah, well, let me ask you a question. I mean, where do you come up with a character like Holden Caulfield? Where does that come from? What? And where do the ducks in Central Park go during the winter? Where do they go, to the Hamptons? I gotta tell you, man, it was a real pleasure to meet you. You know, I haven't read a book like yours and enjoyed it in a long time and I'm not a big reader. You know what I mean? But it's just, the way you used the words and then did jokes, it was just so funny. Look at that, S. J. Muntzinger right here huh? Yes, in person. Is that you're supposed to be some sort of a weirdo recluse, huh? Well, I, you know I get out now and then to you know shop for groceries and, you know, my colonoscopy. Oh, yeah? I had one of those once. You know my throat was killing me and the doctor took it right out. Hey, look, I'm not gonna give you a ticket. Your book gave me so much pleasure, but, uh... would you mind giving me an autograph? Oh, sure, but, yeah, come over here. - Yeah? - Yeah, just step... As a matter of fact, if you like, what I'll do, I'll personalize it for you. Okay yeah, yeah, Trooper Mike. Trooper Mike. My good friend. My good friend. Who's not giving me a ticket even though I was driving like a lunatic. Okay, I can't do it all, Mike. I'll just say "My good friend trooper Mike. "God bless you", and... "S. J. Muntzinger." Wow, what a pleasure. I really, I appreciate it. It's a real pleasure to meet you. - Oh, thank you. - I mean, what a thrill. Thank you, you too, God bless you, Mike. What a day. What an experience. And we were out of little frankfurters. Do you think she made it? Oh, I think we would have heard if anything happened. Hopefully she's in Cuba now. Well, you're not gonna say you, you miss her? I, I never liked her. You know,"beware of fanatics "no matter how just their cause seems." Oh, who said that? That was Chairman Sidney Muntzinger. Back to real life. You can go to work on your sitcom now. Let me ask you a question. Do you think that it's in me to write a novel as good as "The Catcher in the Rye"? Why do you ask that? I was just thinking maybe I should dump this whole idiotic television series thing and, you know, give one last shot to writing the book. I, I, I... Hey, I'm not getting any younger. Well, why not? You're amusing, and I always said you could be another Salinger. Tribeca: All right, send them in. Now, is there anyone who looks like the person who robbed you? Well, the one on the left looks familiar. And I see her every morning. Anybody else you recognize, ma'am? [Exhales sharply] Are you sure they can't see us? Geils: No, ma'am. Absolutely not. Atkins: Tribeca, Geils, my office now! Coming, Lieutenant. And make it snappy! [Screaming] What's going on? Grab a seat. [Sighs] A ventriloquist has been murdered. Oh, my god. Which one? - Which one? - Like, his name? Who knows the name of any ventriloquist? [Chuckling] Right. Not me. I mean... Victim's name was Alan Parsons. Alan Parsons? ! Who? He was an all-American at Syracuse, and he won ventriloquist of the year last year. And the year before. I think. I mean, who is this guy? We'll get right on it, Lieutenant. Woman: He saw my face! He saw my face! ♪ Dr. Scholls: We got two bodies a big one and a small one. [Gagging] Look at him. So peaceful. Whoever did this started with Parsons and then moved on to Lance the dummy. They lanced the dummy? No, no. Lance is the dummy's name. They just knocked him to the floor. Parsons was hammered. - Drunk on the job? - No. Blunt-force trauma. We think he was gutted. - Evisceration? - No, no. About the performance. It was a real tough crowd. Was he close to anyone? Was he married? Uh, yes, Mr. Parsons was married to a... [Inhales sharply] Hang on. I have it here. - Mrs. Parsons. - Hmm. Mm. [Gearshift clicks] Looks like the press is already sniffing around. [All sniffing] Wow, that is a nice house for a ventriloquist. Yeah. I always pictured them huddled around a trash-can fire with fingerless gloves. Are you joking? These guys talk without moving their mouths. I mean, look at my dumb old mouth moving as I'm talking. These guys have a gift from god. Whoa, whoa, whoa. If there's something personal going on with you and this case, you need to tell me now. There's nothing going on. No, not even with a head cock. There's nothing going on. Geils, trust me, okay? You need to let it go, or it'll eat you alive. Well, I don't want to talk about it. But I don't want to be eaten alive, either. [Sighs] All right, but if you share this with a soul, I'll tell every cop in the precinct that you're a girl. You have my word. I was 12 years old. But all I could think about was the time I was 7 years old. It was my birthday, and my parents got me a special present. It was a real humdinger. It was a ventriloquist dummy, and everyone knew that Humdinger made the best ones. Well, what do you want to do today? Well, we can go on a water slide. I practiced day and night. No, I don't want to go on a water slide. You'll get messed up. I had ventriloquism posters, trading cards. I knew the stats of all the best v-quists. That's what us insiders called them. Then came the night of the big talent show. I was a bundle of nerves. I knew that the audience was full of scouts, so I had to give an absolutely perfect performance. Ladies and gentlemen, our very own Jay Geils. [Cheers and applause] How you doing today, buddy? My lawyer says I don't have to answer that question. [Audience booing] I just couldn't master not moving my lips. I told myself it doesn't matter, but it turns out that's a big part of it. I never put my hand inside of anything again. Mm. You want a dog? There's a great place around the corner. Did you listen to anything I said? You're humiliated, and your dreams were crushed. It happens to the best of us. You got to move on. You ever have a dream? ♪ [Cat yowls] No. Oh, my god. Again, Doreen, I'm so sorry, - and if there's... - That's Fisher Price, the world's most famous ventriloquist. He once did an entire show with a hornets' nest in his mouth. Mr. Price, Detective Geils. It's a great honor. Pleasure to meet you, detective. [High-pitched voice] The pleasure is all mine. Can I help you? Hi, Mrs. Parsons. We are detectives from L.A.P.D. We're sorry to disturb you at what must be a very difficult time. Thank you. Plus, I don't know if you're aware, but my husband just died. Yes. Yes, we heard. Also, Lance and I were very close, so I lost my husband and I lost my best friend. Lance was your best friend? No. Lance was my husband's best friend. My best friend was Rita Zzyzplx. How do you spell that? R-i-t-a. Thank you. Okay. We're done here. Actually, we just started. No, I'm talking about the part where I ask her to spell her best friend's name. Ah, yeah, that. We're done with that. My mistake. Please, won't you come in and sit down on my off-white linen sectional? Tribeca: Mrs. Parsons, as I'm sure you're aware, 82% of murders are committed by someone close to the victim. Well, wouldn't they have to be close to them in order to murder them? She's good. Mm. I hate to ask you this, but were there any other women in the picture? Oh, just those two. Bet that made you pretty mad, huh? Look, I know what you're insinuating, but let me set the record straight. Sorry. I have O.C.D. This has been driving me crazy this whole time. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, nose, nose, nose, ears, eyes, and go. Look, I married a ventriloquist. I was very aware of what I was getting myself into. I knew I'd be dealing with the mistresses and the long hours and the drugs. But I loved my husband. And more than that, I loved being a ventriloquist's wife. Thank you for your Time and for answering our questions. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I just really hope that you catch the animal that did this. Thank you, ma'am, but we think it was a human who did it. All: Good day. Jinx. Nose, nose, nose, ears, eyes... [Sniffs, farts] And go. What... just... Hey. I heard we caught a witness in the ventriloquist murder. Yeah. I'm about to go take a run at him right now. Hey, you want a snickers bar? Two came out of the machine by mistake. - Wow. That must be doubly satisfying. - It is. Snickers really satisfies. Snickers really satisfies. - Do they really satisfy? - They really satisfy. Snickers really satisfies. I'm gonna get my satisfy on with a snickers. Good luck in there. All right. You think this is a game? [Scoffs] This isn't a game. This is a game. This is Life. You are looking at life. And if you don't start talking, I promise you... You're gonna be in real trouble. Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, Monopoly. I could do this all day. But I'm gonna tell you something right now... If you don't give me something... You're gonna be sorry. And I'm gonna shut down this whole operation. And if you think I'm gonna back down [laughs] Brother, I am one hungry, hungry hippo. You hear me? [Chuckles] And you... You're about to go kerplunk. [Box clatters] Gnip gnop! He isn't talking. Anything new in the ventriloquist case? Parsons died from a gunshot wound, but there's no weapon and not a lot of prints or DNA to go on. But look what I found on Lance the dummy. What are those scratches? Defensive wounds? Whoever did this is looking at the business end of a nasty splinter. All right, I'm gonna cut into him, so if you're squeamish, look away. It's not my first rodeo. This isn't a rodeo. This is an autopsy. There is a rodeo in town, though, if you want to go with me later. [Saw buzzing] All right, let's check the contents of the stomach. Ohh. Looks like someone had a last meal. Thumb drive. It's a manuscript. - Can you open it? - No. It's encrypted. Child's play. Geils, Scholls, I spent 10 years with mi-5 as their top code-breaker and then two years in the kitchen as a dishwasher. What do we have here? [Grunts] Ah. [Sighs] [Casts thud] Ah, yes. A very complicated south Korean military code. There are over 9 billion possible permuta... [Computer beeps] Oh, I'm in. Oh, god. "A Ventriloquist Speaks: The Book That Could Get Me Killed," by Alan Parsons. It's a 1,200-page amateur memoir. Someone's gonna have to comb over every over-dramatic memory, every clumsy metaphor, trying to find some sort of clue as to why this man was killed. I'm gonna miss the rodeo. Hey, Tanner, any red flags in Parsons' finances? We're looking for a reason someone would want him dead. Not much. I mean, we can give you what we got. Okay. No, don't print. Just attach the PDF. [Dog groans] No. don't do that. No, no, no. don't cancel it now. It's going down to the downstairs printer. [Telephone rings] Jay Geils here. Dr. Scholls: It's Monica Scholls. I just found something interesting in the book. Thank god. Where are you? Where I always read... in a bubble bath. [Dog growls] Lieutenant, what are you doing here? This is the only place I get cell service. That's a stapler. Holly, where is my cellphone? ! I'll just text her. - That's a calculator. - Damn it! What's in the book? Parsons reveals all the secrets behind ventriloquism. [Scoffs] That knowledge is sacred. - Isn't it just not moving... - Zip it, Tanner. Whoever did this already killed one man. There's a whole chapter in here on how his mentor passed down all his secrets to him. - Who's his mentor? - Uh... Damn. There's some water on the page. I can't quite make it out. - Let me help you. - [Men murmuring] I think that's a... I think that's a "g." - No. That's a "j." - You sure? - Or a 5. - The bubbles are... - There's so many that you can't see any... - It's an "f." Fisher Price. My hero. Well, it looks like your hero just became our prime suspect. Aw. What? Really? That's disappointing. Wow. Look at this place. - Man: Can I help you? - Tribeca: We have an appointment with Mr. Price. [Female dummies giggling] Hey, hey. Psst. What? Look at the rack on that one! Walter, no, no. [Laughs] Sorry. He's drunk. Won't you sit down? Tribeca: Ladies. [Giggling continues] I hope there's been a break in the Parsons case. Such a tragedy. Actually, we have had a little breakthrough. It turns out that Parsons was writing a book exposing all the secrets of ventriloquism... mm. Specifically, your secrets. [Gags] Did we catch you off-guard? Not at all. I was aware of the book. Did it bother you? Of course not. Knowing how to make sausage doesn't make you a master sausage man. Besides, no one can do what I do. Or should I say... What we do. ♪ La la la ♪ ♪ la la la ♪ ♪ la la ♪ Both: ♪ la-a-a-a ♪ Hey. You're a chick? I had no idea. [Laughs] 'Cause you think it's coming... hey! Where do you get your hair cut, a salon school? Oh, you don't want to play with me, old man. [Gurgling] Hey, aren't you that little boy in "Indiana Jones"? Look, Mr. Price, you've always been a hero of mine, but if there's anything you want to tell us, now's the time to come clean. I have nothing to hide, Detective. Yes, I was concerned about the book, but I'm not a murderer. I notice there's a band-aid on your finger. Would that be covering a splinter? It's not unusual for a ventriloquist to get a splinter. The dummies are made of wood. Would you mind if I took a look at your splinter? I'd be happy to show you my splinter if you'd be happy to show me a warrant. Any warrant or one that's specific to this case? That's what I thought. If you'll excuse us... we have to go pack. After tonight's sold-out show... We're leaving on a 50-country tour. And all of them are outside of America. We're gonna take you down, Price, and your little dummy, too. I'd like to see you try. Oh, you want to go? You want a piece of this? [Indistinct shouting] I will take you, you little... no! No! Bitch! That was a great back-and-forth, really convincing. Little bitch! How do you make the "p" sound? The "p" stop. The "p" stop. [Indistinct shouting] [Speaking indistinctly] A splinter? It's too thin! We know he did it. The book would have ruined him, so he iced Parsons. Iced Parsons? I could go for an iced parsons. Holly, bring me an iced parsons! Let's haul Price in here, get that splinter out, match it to the dead dummy, and put him away. We've got to get tickets to that show tonight. Get tickets to the Fisher Price show the night of? Okay, that should be easy. Uh, hello, ticket people? Could I get two tickets to the show that's been sold-out for four years? Let me check that for you, sir. No. I'm sorry, sir. That show is completely sold out. Well, thank you for checking. Is there anything else you want me to look up? No, that's it. [Laughs] Have a great weekend. You too. I told you. It's impossible. Geils, you're a ventriloquist. That was private. We'll sneak in backstage, and we'll pretend we're the opening act. Was. I was a ventriloquist. There's a big difference. What? You're a ventriloquist? - Well, she's a girl! - Oh, you are a dead man! - You are! You pee sitting down! - Hey! Hey! - You want to go? - Hey! - I will take you down right now! - You're a girl, but that's my secret. Knock it off, you two! Hey! Stop! I swear to god! S... quiet! Stop talking now! Zip it! Quiet! No more fighting! If there is a way to tie Price to this murder, I want it to happen. And I always get what I want. We didn't have an iced parsons. Would you settle for a lukewarm glass of water? So exasperated! Geils: It's closed. Let's go. Can I help you? We're the opening act. [Laughing] Yeah, right. We are. Oh. Sorry about the inquisition. We get a lot of crazies. [Chanting] Fisher Price. Fisher Price. Fisher Price. Fisher Price. Fisher Price. Fisher Price. Fisher Price. Hey, guys, let's go. You're the opening act, right? No. Yes. You're on in 30 seconds. [Crowd chanting "Fisher Price"] Dude, you got this. - Dude, I do not have this. - Dude. - Dude. - Dude. - No. - Dude, I know you can do this. - How? - Because you've already done it. I was humiliated. But you had the guts to put yourself out there... Which is more than I can say for someone else I know. - [Crowd chanting "Angie"] - Woman: Angie, you're on right now. Uh, I have to go. I left the stove on in the Dollhouse. You. I didn't make it back in time, and my Dollhouse burnt to the ground. The point is, I didn't put myself out there, but you did. That's all that really matters. Stage manager: Opening act, places. - So bossy. - Hey. [Chuckles] [Chanting continues] [Applause] Geils, I believe in you. - I can't. - You can do it. - I can't. - You can do it. Now, just stick your hand up my back and make me talk. Not... not there. No, no, no. Uh, no. Oh. Oh. [Clears throat] Okay. So, Angie, how you doing tonight? Pretty good. [Cheers and applause] [Audience gasps] Angie, talk to me. I'm okay. I'm wearing a bulletproof bustier. [Breathing heavily] You should go get Price. No way. A v-quist never leaves his dummy. Hey. I'm no dummy. I'm your partner. Now go get him. [Sighs] All right, Price, drop the gun. Or have Walter drop the gun. Or you drop Walter, and then Walter can drop the gun. In any of these scenarios, I want the gun out of there. [Audience murmurs] Put the gun down, Price. I'm warning you. You don't have the guts, Detective. I saw your pathetic show. You'll never work as a ventriloquist. Maybe not, but neither will you... 'Cause you forgot the most important rule. Keep your mouth shut. - Cuff him, boys. - [Audience murmuring] [Handcuffs clicking] Ladies and gentlemen, Detective Jay Geils! [Cheers and applause] Just finished the Price report. Want to get a beer? Yeah, sure. Hey, what was your dream, anyway? Oh, it was stupid. I wonder if I'll ever see her again. Ready? ♪ Essentially, genetic engineering is selecting the best of what we can be. Not tampering at all. But that's what we're talking about. If we were able to recode DNA, DNA that once altered, would pass its defenses permanently to its offspring, think of the health costs we could save if we had a read-out that showed when, I don't know, our blood sugar levels were too high or sodium levels, or whatever. Businesses would save billions a year because employees wouldn't need sick leave. Actually ... Maybe progress is bad. This is unorthodox. Friend of a friend's rumspringa. I thought you said he was a quaker. Yeah, that's what I said. Rumspringa's amish. We're all doing kickstands... One of my best friends... (Indistinguishable chatter continues] Hey, can i get a beer? Uh, yeah sure. Seth did you want it in your hands? Umm, is there the option for a cup, or? I mean, we had cups ... Um .. . Well where's your cup? I'm just in charge of distribution for tonight. The responsible one. Respect. Irregardless, it's my lot in life. Ah, but irregardless means regardless, and there's no such thing as the former. Ahahahah, holy shit. Uh, impressive. Hi. Hi. Seth. Em. Em ... Isthatshortfor Emily? Normal length for em, actually. This is, um, interesting music for a rite of passage party. What would make you think that was the case? My friend, rach, over there. Making out with six guys over there. Oh yeah, she's very, uh -- kind... She's a -- social... Yeah, social ... Niceperson. So is it rach, or ... Rachel, actually. Nice to check in with that though. So what kind of music did you think we'd be playing, like cat Stevens? Yes, I love cat Stevens. Why isn't there cat Stevens? Now I'm, now I'm a little disappointed that there's not cat Stevens. No, he's great. I'm more into like classical music. Pachelbel's canon, stuff like that. The... That's the wedding song, right, the...? Yeah, yes, exactly. Very nice. I used to be able to play that on the piano when I was like, eight. And super grammar nerd, awesome. Nah, this is sort of just like a regular party with, like, good old farm boys. Farm boys. Jacob over there, he's actually like a real quaker. He's even got like the lamb chops to prove it. Oh yeah? And his name is Jacob. That's freakin' perfect. So I gotta head back to my truck to ... Okay. Get another keg. It was nice meeting you. Um... There might be more cups in the cab if you're still interested. - Really? - Yeah. Picture me rollin'. Okay. Truck's on. What next? Okay, now by your left foot, there's the parking brake. It's kinda sticky. Okay, hold on. Ahaha, okay, wow. - That? - Huh,uh,yes. 'Kay. Okay. Is your foot on the brake? Mm hmm, we're not rolling, are we? No. Okay. All good. All right, now take your left foot and press down on the clutch. 'Kay. And put it into gear. All right. And now just release the clutch slowly and ... Lightly tap on the gas. Hahahaha shit. I'm sorry. Oh, no sweat. I should probably get back with the keg anyways. But uh, yeah, thanks. I said sorry. No, I mean thanks for hangin' out with a fellow teetotaler tonight. It was fun, even if it was just for a short time. Well maybe we can extend it to another day. Yeah, I have, uh, class a lot, but the weekend would work. What's, uh, what's your cell? I don't have one. I have a land line, with protruding buttons and stuff. Wow. Here. You can write it down with this antiquated gadget. I call a pen. Oh, you don't have a quill or anything? Uh, no. It's way too messy. Thank you. Yeah. I'll bring a cat Stevens tape for your fancy tape deck. Hi, this is em. Em, it's me. Or, uh, Seth from the other night. Hi, I didn't know if I'd hear from you or not. I have to cancel our plans this Saturday. Okay. My dad, he, he had a stroke. Oh my god. Are you all ... Is there anything i can do? Are you all right? I don't think so. My mom's having a tough time, so... I'm so sorry. Jesus, um ... Look,I lost my mom when I was little, so if there's anything you want to talk about. Okay, um, we're praying for a good recovery. Listen, I gotta go. The doctor's out now. He just wants to chat with me and mom. Okay. Thanks bye. Whazzup. Disen-fucking-Gage dude! Just a second! You bitch! You're missing actual life. You ready to go home now? I'm so ready. [Followed by somber strings) Mixed with somber music hi. Hey, I'm sorry. It's just it's been a long, long day. My mom had me do a bunch of stuff for her. Coulda' texted. Forgot to turn the damn thing on again. Have you even used it once since I got it for you? Has she thought any more about selling the farm? I don't know where she's at with that, em. Like I don't think she's in the right place for that right now. I, I mean she probably just thinks it's disloyal to my dad. Well, but it's not. It wouldn't be giving up. You're gonna kill us. Thought about, you know, doin' anything else? Bills first. Then figure out how to conquer the world. Unless you're insinuating i go to school with you. Get me one of them higher educations. Yeah. I'm gonna have all of my pieces end up here eventually. Nice. You shake it harder, you get bigger numbers. Oh, I'll have to try that. I was thinking of going to seminary. It's kinda something my, parents always wanted for me. I mean that was the plan... Before. Ouch. Mid-move even. Can't believe you're telling me this in a seedy hotel room. A seedy hotel -- this is like our go-to. In the middle of some podunk town. This is right in between us. Like what, you want to go back to your, your place and do this with your roommate like two feet away? She might want next game. Your turn. You just gonna shut off every time this comes up? Hmmm? Stop. Come on. Hey, mister! You know if my mom saw those ... Yeah. What's, what's with you tonight? What's with you? You're picking on me. I am? No, I'm crazy about you. And your star tattoos. Now you're making fun of me? I'm not making fun of you. I'm crazy about you. So you still going back to, going back home for ... For holiday break? Unfortunately. I feel like I should. At least be a sport. You could come with me, unless you have to ... Yeah, I probably shouldn't. I don't know, I just want everything to run smooth through Christmas. It's only like two weeks, right? I just feel like my dad barely knows I'm there. You know, like ever since my mom died he's all about work and we just barely talk. He sends checks to school. I go home for holidays. We check those boxes. Probably keeps him going though. Enjoys his time. It's good of you to see him. It sucks losing a parent. I think god provides. Well, aren't you cute? I don't know what I'm doing. You a college student? Sorry? You guys on your winter break? Yeah, headed home for the holidays. You know when i was in school, we didn't ... I said when i was in school, we didn't have all the breaks that you guys have. No? No, we had, we had, Christmas break. I guess now it's called holiday break, huh? Mmhm. Well, even with all the breaks, I'll still be doing plenty of studying. Not too much. You have some fun too, you hear? My hands are too antiquated for those new machines. Oh look at, arthritic and fat fingers, like a bear paw. Just blame it on the auto correct. On the what? The auto correct. You know, when it tries to ... I, I don't know what that means, but hell, I'll take it. Okay. You are a cutie. Mmmm... I'll go over to the hospital administrator for her release to us then. I told the boy. Boy? Her boyfriend. She had a boyfriend? Has, Roy. She has. What'd you tell him? It was me. I told Sofia to tell him to say his goodbyes. Goodbyes? - As far as he knows. - You know man, for closure. Well, couldn't you just have told him visiting hours are over? You see, this is why you have me do these things. It's probably appropriate that Sofia did it. She's a lot more diplomatic than you are, Hank. I know I can be a rough around the edges. Excuse me... Hello? Hold on a second. Hey guys, she's my daughter,okay? Good to go. I just really hope what we're doing is the right thing, Hank. Hope isn't a plan, Roy. And what we're doing is putting her in the best position to survive. Janie was the glue. After she died, I didn't know how to raise em. I was a shitty father. I love em. You know I do. I've know her since what, since she was three years old. And I remember how it was with Janie. And I'm gonna do everything in my power to help you bring em back and give her a long and healthy life. Unhhh, goddammit, let there be light. I thought we made the decision by bringing her here. - Hey, Phillip, what's goin' on? - I got my mom in the truck. We just got back from seeing my dad. - Geez, Louise, that's just... - It's been a tough year for you. Yeah, it's been a rough one. Look, I wanna thank you for your help. I know my mom -- she appreciates it too. Well, you think about what I said, okay? I just sort of feel responsible to make an offer, you know, given as how your dad was so good to me when I was getting started farming. I tell ya, I wouldn't have been nearly as successful without his guidance. I, I don't see how you gonna be able to run this place all by yourself. Aagh, I don't know, I... It's just I think my mom will want to hold on to the farm, if we can. Not that we don't appreciate your help. No, hey, hey, no, don't feel bad about it. You guys could stay here. I could use the expansion to be honest with you. I really could. We'd have to clean things up around here though. I mean, this place, it's seen better days, that's for sure. I mean seriously, we need a yard sale or somethin'. "Cause I got, you know, I got a vision for this here. This could make an awesome, uh ... Well you just think about it. Yeah, I don't... Take your time. Don't, don't go lookin' for rats in the attic. Alright, take care of your mom, all right? Yeah. I know you will. Yeah. I know you will. - We're gonna be all right. - We'll be fine. Even if we weren't, it's not like that would be my fault, since dad sort of left us in financial shambles. What? Okay. Never go to bed on your anger, right? That's what you've always said. I'm sorry. Have a good night, all right, mom? Love ya. Music simplifies as it drifts away...] I feel like we're stuck at the beginning with her, Roy. What happened the other night? Did you ever go home? - Oh, it's a nightmare. - Perfectly common, right? You know... same thing happened with the soldiers. I feel like I'm in grade school. Let's be honest. She's not progressing the way we want her to. What is it exactly that we do want, Hank? Better sandwiches. Come on. All right. I'm just sayin', the board would like to see some improvement. Yeah, I'm just trying to improve my daughter. I guess I should be trying to improve p/e ratios. I meant improving the way they were thinking. Oh, the way they were thinking? Oh, relax. I want what's best for em too. Uh huh. Keep in mind we're under significant pressure prove our worth.To prove that all these years of research and development have not been in vain. We have profits to meet or we'll lose our subsidies. Now em is in a prime spot for us ... Prime spot. Life at all costs. Is that it Hank? Last time I checked, I made this happen. I'm overseeing this. She's not a lab rat. No one's thinking that. Relax. She's ... She'smy daughter. Yes, and I'm appealing to you as your friend, on behalf of her. She's suffering and i think it's halting her progress. Okay. So? Hear me out. She has classic signs of PTSD. I know. We've given her medication for that. But they're not working, so i think her condition, her suffering, is keeping her from moving beyond the accident. From further developing. Now we saw it before. If we can block those memories... we saw in prior cases, they would jump light years ahead. How can you call those experiments successful? That was year's ago. We, we can dial it in. We can pinpoint this. All right, so yes, i am for life at all costs. I don't mean to be cold here, but all this being emotional it's hurting her. Maybe you need to relinquish control to me. Let me oversee it. I can easily vacillate between what's good for em, and what's good for singularity. And I'll handle it with kid gloves. Now we say to our colleagues all the time, we have to remain objective to yield the best results. Now we're 99 percent of the way there. All we need is one little nudge. This is your opportunity to do what you couldn't do for your wife. Over the course of the last two years, we've had to make some alterations so that you would survive what would have been by normal standards, a fatal crash ... Adaptations. A neuro chip implanted in your brain to replace the non-recoverable damage. Most of your functioning and memory are, for what we know, still intact. Your left eye was blinded, so we replaced it with an artificial optic that connects to your brain implant. It will not only restore your vision, but should enhance it. Additional adaptations including synthetic organ replacement to your right lung, part of your stomach and both kidneys. Nanobot injections were given to replace much of your red blood cells and to coincide with what remains. As a result... We should not only restore your body's faculties to full capacity, but also enhance and potentially prolong your life. Like a computer, this new technology will enable you to instinctively know the shortest possible routes between locations. Much like a bee's amazing navigational skills, there will be no wrong turns. No second guessing. Your very own internal GPS. Those are pre-augment scars. They'll likely never go away, but they'll fade with time. You wanna get out of here, i know that. You need to. You just have to, uh, give me some time and then we'll re-evaluate. If it were up to me, you'd be outta here tomorrow, but that's not my decision. Dad? Did... Give it time, em. Ma'am? Whoa, whoa! You Seth? Yeah, well she's not. I'm with the bank, regarding your mortgage. I just need you to sign this. Can you put the gun down, please? It's a rifle. For vermin. 'Kay. You know, you guys can't bury my dad any deeper. It's a final notice on your farm. Sorry about this, but you're delinquent over a year now. I just need you to sign this. That you received this. We've been calling. You guys don't have a machine or anything? Who do I talk to about an extension? Jordy? Sorry about that. Here you go. Here. Why didn't jordy come tell me? You talking about Jordan Chamberlain? Yes, the same guy who gave us the extension last time. You, you'd have to speak with him about that. I'm with special credits. I'm only sent out when it's time to, you know, act. Regulations. Thank you. Yeah, speak with Jordan if you have any issues and, uh, go ahead and keep that pen, okay? Who was that joker that was at my house this morning? Like I thought the extension was still good... That was before he passed. We still extended you last time. Let me ask, what's going on with the farm subsidies that you applied for? Yeah, that would have been nice, huh? We had no problems getting subsidies when I was growing up, before he passed, but now suddenly I'm getting the run around. Hell, I had a friend that lost his farm because they wanted to build cell towers or something. So, that's not a viable option, i take it, getting a subsidy. Look, I just, i... I need more time. Maybe an extension. I've given up everything I have to sit there and try to make this work. Why? What's gonna change? You, you tell me. I'm just the pilot here, Seth. I didn't build the plane, and I don't control the weather. I just... With or without your dad, your film is still hurting. He was sitting across from me, just like you are. Yeah, except he was sitting across from someone older than you, before you were here. Someone that knew how to make a deal based upon a promise and a handshake. What's this? Calm down, Seth. He's just checking in. We've already made the decision. If you can't come up with the back payments, we're gonna have to take the next step. You just killed my mom, then. Thank you. - Hey, Seth. How you doin'? - I know you're upset. Hey, don't beat yourself up, you know? There's really not a whole lot else you coulda' done. I tell ya, these family farms are getting, they're just getting replaced by the big factory farms. There's just no way we can keep up with that kind of production. Hey. It's no wonder we can't pay our bills, right? You seem to be doing fine. Well yeah, today, maybe, but what about tomorrow? You just remember, i got your back, all right? And you're gonna be way better off having me own that farm than uncle Sam. And I'm just holdin' on to it for you til you get on your feet again, right? Usual hot water in a mug, 140 degrees with honey? You got it, Amber. Oh, oh Amber? Uh, what are you having, Seth? I'm buying. Oh, no, I'm not hungry. Come on, you sure? Yeah, I'm fine. Amber, you got any of that good chili? Three alarm? Yeah. Yeah get him a bowl. If he don't eat it, I will. God, I love this place. It's just the way things should be. Is there something else bothering you? When I was looking for the deed tonight, I kinda came across my old girlfriend's obituary. Oh man, I'm sorry. Yeah. How's her family gettin' on? None really to speak of, except for, I mean, except for her dad. Have you talked to him? Uh ... We never really knew each other. Plus, I don't really think I'm his cup of tea, you know? Well why is that? Farm boy, Phillip. He's like some big wig bio tech guy. Thank you, Amber. So hot water and honey, huh? No coffee or tea? Nope. I don't need no artificial stimulants. Not me. I don't think caffeine's artificial. Don't be a smart ass. You know what I'm talkin' about. So, bio tech, huh? Where'd you say he worked? Singularity. Are you kiddin' me? No. You know what they do there? Those are them guys that are doing all that, that crazy ... Look ... Listen,em andI, you know, we didn't see eye to eye on that. I told her i thought that they pushed the envelope too much. Yeah. Pushed it right into the devil's mailbox, if you ask me. Did I ever tell you about these meetings I attend? What, like, like aa meetings? No ... No. It 's,it 'sa different kind of group. Um, in fact I was gonna ask you if we could hold our meeting at your barn, you know? Sure, yeah. You know, irregardless of whether or not you sign the deed over to me or not. Yeah, you see, we just want to keep a low profile. I'll tell you all about it later. I just, you know, didn't want to overwhelm ya. Uh, but speaking of the deed, though, can I take a look? Right. It's gonna be fine, Seth. And you and your mom, you can be caretakers. Stay there as long as you need to. How is she doin'? Plant's looking healthy. Can you write something for me? Come with me. I think I can't really see you. In a computer, i can open it up, see every resistor, every wire, every part in it. But I couldn't tell you about its behavior. You see, the hardware is simply where the software resides. To understand the behavior, you have to understand the software. And the software has no mass. Jimmy, i can't stay here. Who's Seth? Let's get you something to eat. All right? How you doin'? Did you love mom? Of course I did. Why would you say that? What's up? Seems like you spent more time with her after she got sick than before. That's not true. I was there, dad. We were trying to figure things out. Just like you are, em. Can't underestimate this set back. Our minds have limits. They're fixed. We're fucked. Hers? She's advancing even beyond our wildest dreams. Do you know how many lives we can save with that notion? This has exceeded every expectation. I was just under the impression that this was all gonna end at some point. I have to be honest with you, as your friend. The board feels like you've forgotten your duties here. Your research. Singularity's objective -- g, n, r. Genetics, nanotechnology, robotics. Humans have rationalized, even made excuses for death. Somehow it's noble. But it is our job to term death as a tragedy. A tragedy of lost intelligence, of lost relationships. Therefore, it is our job to extend life. Period. Oh just spare me the diatribe. It's yours, man. And i think you need a reminder. We are on the precipice of changing human evolution. We won't have to worry about death. We can swap out these suboptimal bodies and engineer ourselves to be gods. But don't you ever have a hint of doubt? Ever? Now clearly she's not the same em. But she is not my little girl, em. We make better humans. And she's the first step. Em! And look at that. You're just stronger. No. Times are tough. What's the matter, Russ? We either move to the mountainsor off the grid or we take that alternative stance. And when our stuff gets taken away... Right, Renee? When our stuff gets taken away, that's when we're tested. I don't know, folks. I don't know. You hit me! - You spilled the food? - No! - Food supply! A week! - It was my fault, sir. Perfect! You can go too. And clean that up! Relax! - Why didn't you sell this house? - Cause it was my dad's. - But it's falling apart. - So is the neighborhood - Why don't they sell their houses? - Well, sentimental value. Besides, they don't give you... GERBEA WINS CHIAPAS CONTRACT Check it out! Maradona wants to play the World Cup again. - I was reading that... - And as a goalie! - See you, Charlie. - See you. Why is file 84 separate from 85? Well... I have class... Good evening, Carmen. I warned you. Screw it up and you're gone. Grab your things. I thought they were together. It was an accident. I don't care! I'm not losing my job because of you. Please, don't fire me! I need the job. Please. It's too late. It's not. You haven't sent the reports. I need the job. So, what do you propose? Whatever you say. But I really need the job. You tell me what we should do. Look... If I do this, I will put my job in jeopardy for someone who clearly isn't qualified. What will you give me in return? Lucho, don't! What are you doing? Oh... Sorry! Can you clean it again? That's not good for cats. I can't keep eating like this, dad. I need protein. - I'll be back. - If you want better food improve your income. This is all I can afford. I have a fixed income. What else can we do? I don't know, get a second or third job. You can do more shifts, Javi. Barbara is bringing peanuts. I drive a bus for 12 hours. You could order some sushi. Sure! Or seafood! You think I eat lobster everyday? You want a new mattress, hot water... You're the one who's always complaining about... - Holy shit! - Shut the door! - What were you doing? - My earring fell in the toilet. Earring, my ass. - When did you start doing that? - Doing what? Don't pretend! For how long have you forced yourself to throw up? What's wrong with you? Food is expensive! Do you know how many calories we just ate? Enough, damn it! How long? Since boarding school. Since France? 8 years? - Did you know about this? - Of course not. I did. And why didn't you tell me? Why nobody tell me? - When? You were never around. - Please! We had to schedule an appointment with Irma. - And she never answers. - See? Don't pull that shit! This is very serious. So is this. Where were you on my graduation day? You didn't make it. Where were you when Javi almost got expelled from high school? - You didn't know? - He knows now. Thanks. Or when Charlie had mono, where were you? So now it's my fault! Come here, Barbara! Do you want to blame me for forcing yourself to puke? Fine. Do you want to blame me? It's fine. But it doesn't change the fact that you chose to do it. And it doesn't change the fact that in 8 years you didn't come close knowing. - Come here! - Leave me alone! Open it. God bless you! This is unfair! Can you explain me why they whistled, and threw lemons at me? It's a tradition. They used to ban soldiers, women and dogs from all the cantinas. - What a pathetic folklore! - Now they allow dogs This place looks like Thailand! Every restaurant in the city stocks up from here. - You come here everyday? - Yup. - And you also own a bus? - That's right. - And you're a cook? - That too. So you are like, all of Cantinflas' characters bundled into one. And now you can play "Warehouse Barbie". Didn't my dad help you to buy your bus? No, I borrowed for a CD stand. When I controlled the block, I bought the bus. You did know that your CD stand is controlled by drug dealers? - C'mon, Barbara Walters! - Really! You are aware that you're aiding the criminals of this country? The crimininals are your friends! - What? Who? - What do you mean "who"? The two guys at your party? Those politicians' children? Didn't you see the videos? Everyone did. Are you concerned about the country? Don't feed them, or invite them. Don't go on their yachts. You have your gangs and we have ours. - Come on, damn it! Push! - I am pushing! Push harder! - Peter... - Yes? Didn't you go out of bounds on 7? Still on the same subject? Pay up already, you cheap skate! - Here. Share the tip. - OK. - Hey - Yes? Well... I hate to do this, but you were responsible for the taxes of the restaurant. IRS called me, and I want to know... What's up with the money? What do you think? Nothing. Barbara was getting her father to sign off on the trust fund but now that she disappeared, I'm setting up a loan... - We're all good. - And your money? Are you serious? - Peter? - Marijose! Hi! Why haven't you called? Another one. Another what? What a scumbag! Why don't you ask Barbara, to get some money from her father? It's not the first time a business goes bad. I'd love to. But I don't know where she is. What happened? Don't say you don't know anything. Fine. But you can't tell anyone, ok? Ok. Apparently they had a problem with the union and the partner fled with the money of the company. Who? Anwar? Yeah. And the union seized their properties so they are hiding from the police. Anwar Kaim? I don't know his last name, but there can't be many Anwars in the world. His name is Anwar Kaim, and he hasn't fled anywhere. He is here. - In Mexico? - No man! There! - Bye, Alex! - Bye! Holy shit! Come. Two "birrias", please. - What's that? - You don't know it? You are going to love it! - I see some tasty meat! - What a chick! Have you tried it with lime? It tastes really good, try it. Carlos? - Yes? - Would you help me file this? 2, 4, 6, 8, 10. There. Your three and my three. You're giving me $50 extra. - Sorry. - I need it to fix the part you broke. It wasn't my fault! Yeah, but if we don't fix it, neither of us makes any money. It's not fair, Lucho! I was on my lane! TRY TO PASS ME... YOUR SISTER 20 dudes were catching up and police cars came from the left... He's calling you, dude. - Is this thing yours? - He's tough guy! - Come on! - He really is! - What's it to you? - Is it? Yeah, So? No kidding, dude! - Watch out who you're messing with - I had women and children, asshole! - That's my merchandise! - I don't even know you, Hellen Keller! - I'm the one you keep cutting off! - Well, who's your daddy? - What? - Are you reading that book? Yeah, so? When I bought it I saw that... "VIP Gas Stations", Javier Noble. Did you work there? No, man. I had that project, but my partners backed out. They lacked vision. What was it about? Nothing... C'mon! I'll tell you about my project. Ok. What is your worst problem in the world? A broad in my hometown says her son is mine and she wants me to send her money. I ask her to prove it, but she can't. So, I don't send money and she sends her cousins to beat the shit out of me. So I went with my guys to get those sons of bitches... I got it! What you need is a gang of bodyguards! - No, let me... - This was different. It was... - People hate loading gas, right? - Yes. We could solve that, you call us from an app on your iPhone and we deliver the gas wherever you were. Your house, your office, anywhere! We could charge 10% of the sale. I was Home Delivery Gas! It's golden! I mean... Damn, Bones! That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard! Do you think we would pay more just to avoid a gas line? Don't you know the price of gas? You should be thinking about a titty bar or a titty joint! Not that bullshit to throw your money away... Shit! Hey! I'm Javi. Nice to meet you, Bones. VIP Gas Stations, my ass! In my neighborhood you get shot for saying something like that! Paycheck... and $300 in tips. Tips. Sorry, there seems to be a mistake. I made $420 in tips. - Lucho! - There's only $280 here... I don't need Lucho for you to give me the other $140. Tell your girlfriend how things work around here, or she's out. - Yes, sir. - Just a moment. He is not my boyfriend and I'm not going anywhere until you give me my $140. Lucho! Next! - Wait till I'm done with that Q-Ball! - Shut up! - I'm gonna sue him! - Shut up! - He owes me $140! - No, he don't! You didn't meet the quota! What quota? I earned those tips! They're mine! What about us, in the kitchen? The ones who wash the dishes or clean the floors? We split the tips with everyone. Great! So now we're in Cuba! Do you know how much they left me on a $70 dollar bill? - $5 dollars! - You slam their dishes on the table! They ask you for the bill and you huff and puff! What is that shit? Who the fuck do you think you are? Barbara, don't cry. - You hate me. - I don't. - You treat me like a pest! - What did you expect? Really? Don't you think you deserved it? Isn't that what you liked about me? Listen... Regarding the tips... Serve the customer the way you like being served. Flirt with them! You know how... - C'mon. Let's go back in. - I don't want to! That Q-Ball pays the bills. So let's go... I'm done. I'm off to bed. Here we go... How are we doing? $600 over. - Javi? - Yeah. - This is wrong, son. - Why? You wrote $1,340 but it's $1,430. Yeah, right. Guess I was tired. Sorry. Why did you write "Tolat" instead of "Total"? Yeah, that always happens... You mix the "T" and the "L"... You spelled "Brabara" instead of Barbara. Yeah, so? Dad, I'm dyslexic. - What do you mean dyslexic? - I went to therapy. When? You paid for it! - Sure, but Saul treated dyslexia? - Yes! What did you think? That you went to therapy. - Of course! Their mother died... - God keep her in His glory. Send 'em to a shrink. You know what? I've had it with all your bullshit! I would love to see you become father and mother from one day to the next. I was obviously uncapable of covering all your needs on my own. - Why didn't you remarry, then? - For your sake! She left! She left us! Not me! I handled the situation. And all you do is complain... You bitch, and you moan... Charlie, I'm off to class. Wait. Look out for Carmen, will you? Carlos? I need today's final reports. I've been a naughty girl, and I deserved a punishment. Where were you? Working. This late? Yes. You are lying. I was with someone. - Someone? - Yes. Someone. From the opposite sex? - Where do you find the appetite? - Barbara! - What? - This is no subject for conversation. I'm your father. Who was she? - My boss... - Sweet! Boys! - Is she hot? - Javi! I just wanna know if she was hot! She's a bit older, but the uniform gives her... something... Your sister is here! Oh dad, please! Who do you think I am? - I don't want to know. - Dad... Where do you think I was when I "slept over" at Mara's? I don't want to know! Please! - I do! Tell me! - Remember "Woody"? - The big guy? - Wasn't he gay? Zero. Why do you think they called him "Woody"? Enough! Don't freak out! Tell us something about you! About your first time! - What? - Yes! Tell us! - No way! - Yes, tell us! - Tell us! - Tell us! Tell us! Everybody does it! We had to know at some point! I was 14 years old and I had a neighbor called Carmen. We called her "The Blimp". She was older than me... Throw it, dude! Throw it, dude! We get the sodas! You lost! Eat me! Hey! Don't you speak English? I asked for red sauce, not green. I'll change it right away. - Fuck! Now my tacos will get cold! - I'll be back in a sec. I understand. I will have more people looking into this. I give you my word. We are doing our best... You have our top engineer on this Excuse me? Are you Anwar? Yes. No. I can't. In five weeks. Sorry to interrupt. I'm Barbara Noble's boyfriend... I'll call you back. Today, our cantina celebrates 70 years making people happy. And like every year, we celebrate with our clients and employees. So let's celebrate! Congratulations! Music! Drag your butt over here, darling! Floor vs Kitchen. Here we go, guys! Your attention, please! The loser.. Listen! The loser cleans up afterwards. On three. 1, 2, 3. There, there! - Lucho... - What? - Really? - Yup. What? Weren't you a real man? Let him thru, you moron! He's talking to you, monkey! And you look like Princess Fiona! Who dismounts an engine in the middle of the base? Unbeliavable! They could do it in that lot, instead they do it here! - Where? - Over there. Move, fatty! Let them thru! Grab your crap and leave! Hey man? We could rent it and charge for parking. Yes, and you'll call it VIP Parking. There is plenty of space. Sure, dude! With what money? Let's go, Donald Trump. Jorge, $350. - You think she... - Shhh! Luis Mendez. Barbara, $750 of your payment and $380 in tips. At what time are you done? I have the night shift. Look me up when you're done? Yup. - You scored... - Shhh! - There? - No. It's okay, dad! It's hot now! Done! Peter! What are you doing here? How did you find us? Where's Barbie? You plan to stay here? You'll never guess who I ran into at the club. A really good friend of yours, a nice guy. Anwar? You know? You are doing an excellent job with your family. I mean it. If more parents would stop their children's uncontrollable spending this country would run much better. Better men have tried to extort me. Extorting you, Dad? No way! I just want to help you! Can you imagine if your children found out.. ...that you made up this whole farce just to teach them a lesson? What do you want? I want your daughter's hand and a bit of the inheritance. Forget it. You won't have any of them. German, I'm trying to give you a clean exit from all of this. Your children are already hurt by their mother's death and your absence, just to find out that this whole thing is a lie. Can you imagine the damage on their sense of trust in the world? You don't want me as an enemy. No! On the contrary! I want to be your friend, your partner the person that continues what you started. - My grandpa said... - Enough! - "A lot of money, a lot of problems". - Get out! - I want those problems. - Out! Now! - Do we have a deal? - Shut up! Peter! What are you doing here? My darling! How I've looked for you since we last spoke! Peter! What are you doing here? Guys, listen for a sec. After hanging up with Barbara I convinced my uncle to put our properties as a collateral to negotiate your debt with the union. Until they finally agreed. And that means...? That your money has been unfrozen your accounts are reactivated and that you can return to your normal lives... Wait! I don't get it... - I thought you didn't care about me. - Darling, on the contrary! I just wanted to help you. Whoa! Wait! I'm lost, dude! What about Anwar? He fled with the money, so that he could keep negotiating power. But he's back. Everything is fine now. Actually, he asked me to come get you. We're back! Would you hold Coco for me? What's up, Lucho? What's going on? Nothing. We are leaving. The problem is solved. You were our lifesaver, right? Thanks. Sure, man. Leaving without goodbye? No. Will I see you tomorrow at work? Lucho. Lucho! Where are the foreclosure seals? - I had them removed, son. - And the cars? The cars are here? My car? Oh, my car! My sweet car! There, my love. Problems are over. We can now continue with the wedding and our lives. Come. I love you. You fucking traitor! Barbara will marry that scumbag because of you! - What are you talking about? - He is blackmailing me! If I don't put him in Barbara's trust, he'll tell them everything. - What? - Still want to talk business? He caught me in the lobby, he already knew everything. What could I do? He said he missed her. Of course he misses her! of course he does! She is his golden ticket! Can't you see it? For God's sake! That one. That one! Really? What's wrong? I was with someone. - Gross! From the cantina? - No! Who? - Who? - Lucho. Lucho? Lucho! My nanny's nephew! We used to put soaps on his bed. - Lucho! - "Cry Baby Lucho"? - Yes. - God! Barbara! I don't even want to know what you two did. - No! - Obviously, I want to know but you'll tell me the details later. Look... Do you have any idea what you have with Peter? How many people would give up a property to save you and your family from the problem you were in? Trust me, I've had itches and wishes but you don't leave a man like Peter just like that! Especially for a Lucho. Not for anyone! Barbara! Peter loves you. Of course. You are absolutely right. However, if you have doubts, we could cancel or... No, you are absolutely right. Forget it. So, this one? Dad. This document certifes that Pedro Pintado Marquez born in Cholula, Puebla on October 15th, 1968 ...as the adjacent beneficiary of the trust fund with the file number 04534D4 You're from Puebla? - Will my social security card do? - Yes, sir. If you will. You should know this fund is a common ownership. It will not be yours until you marry Barbara. If that ever happens. Or... Name your price and leave us alone forever. You made me jump over that fence for nothing. Margarita. I don't know what to do. It's not that I'm afraid of the children getting angry. I think that Peter guy is right. With what confidence can you go thru life if you can't even trust your own father? They are stronger than you think. But you can't let Barbara marry that Peter guy. Instead tell them everything. You think they would forgive me? There's love behind what you did. They'll see that in time. But.. ...you'll have to pay a penitence for deceiving them. What worries me the most is... What if they need more time to forgive me than what I have left? The longer you wait to tell them the longer they'll take to forgive you. Where are we going? Peter! Surprise! You're crazy! Where are we? Honey, let me show you our new business. What? What is it? The question is "What will it be". A Basque restaurant. Let's see... In this... In a building? Of course! It's more exclusive. And we are all partners. Cheers! Well, this is not exactly what I had in mind... - Honey... - But... If you don't like it, we drop it. No, no. I love it. I love what you are doing... But... - ... I don't... - Listen... If you don't like the place or the business, then we drop it. What I want is that everything we do, from now on, we do it together. That's why I want to ask you to marry me... Yes. But are we already getting married. I know, but now. I want us to go to City Hall. Wait, no. But... I can't. - I want my family to be there. - And they will be. We'll do the religious wedding and even a party, right? - Sure! - Of course! But this must be our moment. Barbara Noble I think I've proven that I will never leave you. That I love you. I want our life to be great adventure. And I want it to start right now. Let's go. What is this? Let me to introduce you to Rubi and Mitzi. They go with Peter. They pick him up and we take pictures of them in a hotel and we give that scumbag 24 hours to leave the country or we show the pictures to Barbara. Girls, would you give us a minute? I won't keep solving things like that. I'm going to tell the truth. So you plan to tell them that you lied and put them to work because you thought they were a lazy bunch of morons? Not exactly with those words, but I'm going to tell the truth. Javi, come to my office, please. And tell your brother I want to talk to him too. Thanks, son. They're going to kick your ass. I can't believe what I'm doing. It's my dad. Here. Let me. - Hello, dad! - Peter? In the flesh. - Put Barbara thru. - I'm afraid we can't right now. But let's have dinner tonight. We have a surprise... Put Barbara on the phone right now! Great! Ciao! - What did he say? - He wanted to have lunch. Why don't you turn it off? After all, this is our moment. Okay. Peter. Peter? On the phone! Hello? Mara, Peter is hiding Barbara from me. Do you know where they are? Sorry, but he is organizing a surprise and they don't want anyone to know. Dear, it is very important that you tell me the truth. Where are they? They are getting married in City Hall. Oh my God! Weren't you talking with Peter? - Hi. We want to get mar... - End of the hall. Could you at least tell us what's going on? Your sister is about to make a huge mistake. - Why? What is she doing? - I'll explain later. - I want to talk to the three of you. - I'll drive. - No. - You want to get there or not? Okay. You, on the back! - Where are you going? - Hurry up! Let's go, son! We're up, c'mon. - Hello. - Afternoon. Can we see the judge? We want to get married. Your Honor? How many times have I told you to knock? - A couple wants to get married. - Coming. - Let's signal, dad! - Okay! Sorry! Do you have your birth certificates and all your documents? We don't. May I have a word with you? I'll be right back. - Why is Peter's car here? - Can you tell us what's going on? - Peter is fooling Barbara. - I'm gonna kick his ass! Pedro Pintado born in? Cholula, Puebla. I did my bachelors in Salamanca. - Excuse me? Weddings? - End of the hall. The secret to a good marriage... still remains a secret! - Weddings? - Yes, it's here. Someone under "Noble" getting married? One moment. Yes. Where is she? - In the patio. - In which patio? There are two ways. One is confusing but shorter, and the other... - Either one, miss! - The easy one! Quick! Marriage is a sacred institution... But who wants to live in an institution? Upstairs to your right, go to the second patio and cross. There's a patio on the top of another patio? That's not possible, miss. Where is she? When you are going to sleep, never go to sleep angry stay up fighting all night long. Small tip. Free of charge. Any how... Can you sign the papers, please? My sciatica! Yala! Ruj! - What? - Go! Run! There she is! - I can't. - Barbara! Don't sign that! Dad? What are you doing here? Stop speaking like a Spaniard, you are Mexican! Don't sign! - It's downstairs. - Let's go! - What did he say? - I don't know. What are they doing here? - This guy is an impostor! - What? We never had a problem with the union. He didn't save us from any union. In fact we don't have a union. What do you mean? What...? - There was never a fraud... - What? - ... nor an embezzlement. - What? We were never broke. But... What about the cops and the tow trucks and the foreclosure signs, dad? All that was a set-up planned by me. - What's wrong with you? - Are you crazy? Saner than ever. This scumbag tried to blackmail me after he learned about the set-up. He only wants your money, Barbara. He doesn't love you. - What's going on here? - His pressure dropped. What do you mean it was a staged? Why did you do that? Honestly, you were leading lives that... - ... had me worried. - What? Don't you remember your lifestyles? You were expelled for bribing and sleeping. with your teachers. And you? Throwing money away on bad business ideas. Undermining everything I ever gave you. Your own company! And you? Well, you were... You were going to marry a gigolo! Just to spite me? But why did you do all this? I mean... Why didn't you cancel our credit cards... - ... or fire me? - Because you are my son. You knew I was expelled from school. Why didn't you just talk to us? Honestly? I felt you were lost. - After the heart attack I panicked... - Wait. Was I part of a negotiation between you and Peter? What a coward! Rock on. German let's go. Now what? I can't believe what he did. I don't want to see him again. - Where will you go? - I don't know. Aunt Mayte's... Grandpa's... I don't know. So you won't talk to him, but... - ... you will live in his house? - We fixed it up! That gives us some right over it, doesn't it? We'll pay him rent. We continue working, we invest the trust funds... Javi? You still have your trust fund, right? Javi! Do you remember "Executive Motorcycle Cabs?" Javi, are you kidding? I didn't know it rained so much in April! He played us for idiots for two months. What do you expect? He is the ultimate Puppet Master. I think it was brilliant lie... Cut the zen philosophy, will you? I want to hate him for a while! - Pay the man... - You have the coins. Life's ironies... I wanted my children to be independent and now that they are... .. they won't talk to me. My "Javisness"! Why don't we take the plane to Acapulco? - I can't. I'm working. - Doing what? - A business. - That's my Javi! What's it about? Executive Moto Cabs? Whatever it is, we'll do it! It's a strip bar for guys with a fat-fetish. Javi finally found his longed-for partner. When can your mother come for an audition? Not his old friends. Polish that up, dude! We won't pay you for doing nothing! They opened up their car shop. Of course, he gave it his personal touch. PIMP MY BUS Titties! Titties! Titties! Titties! Get out! Get out! You've got some balls. - Beaner. - Slut. Barbara and Lucho finally got together. I didn't know they liked each other since childhood, but it makes sense. After all, they grew up in the same house. Cha... Get a room. Charlie is finally dating someone his own age. If they won't sell the land, wait till they see us coming with clubs! Food is ready! Happy birthday! - Did you cook it? - Yup. I helped Barbie to cook the lasagna. Actually, I'm still surprised with how little I knew about them. Wake up habibi! Green light. At least I got them to build their own lives. As for me... Baby, I got you something. Sweetie... What... is it? I'm not falling for it. Happy birthday, dear. Javi! Charlie! Come! I wanted to give you a lesson but you gave it to me instead. Pop. Come in. Let's party! It feels like a cheap funeral! This is unfair! I want to talk to the judge! I'm gonna sue you! You don't know who I am! Come back! This is an outrage! What a pretty Spaniard! A tasty jamon serrano! - Hi gorgeous! - Hello! - - Easy, guys! - Where are you from? - I'm from Puebla. - We're gonna welcome you. This is the honeymoon suite, dear! Joéo! Come Joéo. Mom. If the world had its way, There'd be no place in it for me. That's why I spent my whole life looking for mine. But there are some things we choose and others that choose us. and I was born with lots of unfinished business. Tonho, give me a shot! Hit me again. Hold it right there. I had nothing to lose. Drive. So I had nothing to fear. Don't do it, kid. You're young. Don't be stupid. Out of the car. I said get out. On your knees. Don't do this shit, kid. You only want to because... Sometimes, we have to kill something so we can plant... water and breed new life. Wait... wait... A real man always pay his debts. There he is. On your feet! Get the fuck up. And I paid. Every last dime. I was back on my path. But times were different now. Good evening, Brasi-|ia! One, two, three, four! We live in the city And so does the president All pretending we're living a decent life But I don't plan To be so decadent No! Tedium with a capital T Just for you! Go walking in the rain Sometimes I get stuck I don't have gas... You got the good stuff? - What? - The good stuff, twelve grams. Yeah? Show me the money. I'll pay you tomorrow. - You'll pay me tomorrow... - Tomorrow... These are all I've got. I live in Brasilia. Hey, man, what's this? What are you doing? I'll have no bums in here. |ain't no bum! See, I was wondering if you knew a relative of mine. Who is it? Pablo. That way. -Do you know him? -He's well known round here. I'm the son of Mazé and Vicente. From Santo Cristo. My father said I could look you up. You're the image of your mom. Do you want a smoke? Relatives only show up when they're fucked. And you're fucked, right? You're thirsty, hungry, cold... and have nowhere to crash, am I right? I'll have them fix you some food. Come on. - Do you drink whisky? - Not usually. Money changes people's tastes. Do you know what I do for a living? I started selling some very nice stuff here. A little comes in from Bolivia, and a little from Paraguay. - From Paraguay? - Yeah. I'll introduce you to my girl, but this one you can only look at. Teresa, get in here! She's the only reason I stayed in Brazil. Teresita! Rude! This here is my cousin, Joao. Are you sure? I told you my father was Brazilian. You're the first relative Pab|o's introduced me to. First and last, the rest are dead. Better than nothing I guess. Pablo sent you here, right? He told you what I really need is a watchman, didn't he? If you want, I can do both. Okay. You're hired. Stop playing that shit, man. Play something good. That's it! Now use that anger to play some Clash... Ramones... Play the Pistols. If you play that shit in Berlin, you're screwed. you'll have a short career. You'll be deported right away. What's up? Maria L6cia! I'm going home. I'm tired, Chris. - You wanna a ride? - No that's cool, I'll ride with Beto. - Snap out of it, Mary... I'll call you. What sort of mess is this? - Answer me, boy! Look at all the wood you used! Do you want to send me under? I passed the night to making a chair. And there are no nails in it. It's good, too good. Who's gonna ask us to fix something that never breaks? Massu says you've been helping a lot, that you stay alert all night long. Too far? Winchester .22. Does it work? I'll show you. Yourturn. Like this. You have to aim where the animal is, where you have to shoot. Let's go? Go. I'll bring you some candy later. Come on, shoot. We don't have all day! Lucky shot! Shit! Fucking hell! Pick it up! Fuck it, man! Are you trying to kill me? You're gonna make a delivery for me today. It won't take long. Barata, you stay at Massu's tonight. |'|| pay you good money. Or do you want to spend the rest of your life in that shitty shack? Saci, get in the fucking car! Ouch ...burned right down... Hey, are you nuts? Maria Lucia You can't spend the rest of your life locked up at home! Chris, don't, I'm not going out. Maria L6cia! - Get rid of it...get rid of it! - Okay! - I'm home. Did you bring the money? Police! Hands on your head! Hit the floor! Son of a bitch! Here you go. This will cover it, go pay. You rabid little thief, give them back, I saw you take them. Get your hands off him, you son of a bitch! Put it back! Like hitting kids, do you? I don't want a thief for a son, got it? Did he hurt you? When we get home, you help your mother pack. We're leaving tomorrow, first light. okay- We can cycle from here, we're too slow. Climb on. Run into the scrub, go! Run! I'm telling you! Go, kid! Who do you think you are to lay a finger on my brother... You nigger son of a whore! - Black git runs like fuck... - Sure fucking does. Check down by the entrance to the court. Marco Aurelio! Check down here, I'll go round the back. We've got him cornered. -What's up, you nut! -You left it. Renato come back, the guy is not here. Give me a smoke. Don't scream! Don't scream! Don't scream! Some guys are after me. I'm just going to hide out, then leave. Stay calm. Maria Locia... I told you I'm home already! Maria L6cia! - Yes? - Good evening. -Good evening, Mr... ? - Ney. Mr Ney, I'm Detective Marco Aurélio. There's a delinquent on the loose in the neighborhood. We're advising all residents to keep their doors... No, there's nobody here. - Mr Ney, if I could just... - Senator... Right! Sorry to bother you, sir. Maria Lécia? I'm getting changed, dad. - Close your window before bed. - Okay! My name is Joao. Mister Jeremias, that man's here to see you. Say it waif. Get! - Marco Aurelio! Titties! - Hands off, boy! What's wrong? Had some milk? - What's with the slinky hair? - Get off, I've got a present for you. - Really? - Yeah, come on. - Please... - Go on, ladies first... I want my share in cash. There's a fortune in here, missy. Here. Here, this here is the one I told you about. Taken from the scamp. Here, pass the time while I stash this. What's this? I'm not religious. I wasn't either, until I read the Gospel according to Luke. I've found Jesus... Cool, isn't it! I saw it in a movie! Look, it comes with a pen. So you can underline the parts that touch you deepest. Oh, God in Heaven! So, who was the competition? Just some blackie peddling to a couple of rich kids. The bastard ran like hell, but never mind, I know the cunt is from Ceilandia. so If he shows up again... -|'|| bring him to you. -You better. Chill out man. Come on, your old man always trusted me. Didn't he? So? That shit I apprehended... This is anything but shit! This isn't the first time they've busted us like that. Always up there on the South Wing. I'm sick of losing cash. You didn't lose this time. - Here's the money. - Ah, that at least! Yourcut Now, go rent a shack. It's foreign. I only work with the best. What do you want from me? I came to say thanks. - I'll call the police this time. - No need. It's all cool. Want some? You've got a nerve. - Do you like it? - Pretty. But no thanks. I wanted to ask you out someplace nice. - No... - Come on! You're not doing anything. You're really crazy, aren't you? Okay, fine. Hey ! - Is this the place? - Not yet. N0t yet? What are you doing? I'm going for a swim. Come on, girl. Come in! Afraid of the cold, are you? Come on! Have you been here before? - Not like this. - So you've never been here then. - It's cold. - |'|| warm you up. No, I'm getting out. You're one big pothead. And you are a hood. - I'm not a hood. - Yeah, right. I own a carpenter's shop. So what were you doing up near my place that night? Selling timber? That's my cousin's thing, but I'm not doing that again. What about you? Where do you work? I don't work. I'm studying to be an architect. It's tough. I'm an architect, and you're a carpenter. Yeah... The rich design it, the poor build it. That's awful! Did you think you'd get away so easy? Now, you're stuck here. No... No, no, no... I'm a hood, ain't I? Yeah? No... A small-time hood... - Is that how you like it? - No. I like when you tell the truth. - Pablo! - Yep! I need some weed. - Are you hooked already? - No. It's for a girl. Give a chick any old crap and she'll like it's great. She's from the south side. The stuff they smoke down there is pure shit. Why do you think I sent you there to sell to them? I can pay- Come with me. Good morning. Good morning. Have you changed your mind? You're the only one who refuses to pay our taxes. I don't even pay tax to the government. I'm the guy who looks after people here. Everybody knows that. Why aren't you grateful too? I hate ungratefu|ness! - Easy, Pablo. - Shut up! The money! Now! Are you nuts, motherfucker? I call the shots around here! Damn! Barata, give me the weed. For your girl. No need to pay. What's this? What? A term project I presented today. I brought you a joint, if you want a hit. No, it's too risky here. We'd better smoke it in the car. Let me get that. - I'll help you. - No, thanks. It's okay. That's the Anthropology building back there. I do Anthropology too. |'|| toss it here. - Let me... - No, that's okay. You drive. I'll stick these in the back, out of your way. Let's go. The key's upside down. You know how to drive? Of course I can! Careful with reverse, it's a little... What are you laughing at girl? Slowly... Oh, sweet God! - I got it! I got it! - It isn't raining... Turn here... Turn here... -Here! I can do it! -No! No! I hit my head! Look... Look, Maria L6cia brought her father's bodyguard. You came! Do you smoke weed, man? No, not that stuff. It tastes like cow shit. Hey, Jeremias! This dude says your weed's like hay! - Stop, man! - Like cow dung. He said he can find us much better weed. Really? Weed from where? If it's that good I want some too. Say something. You come into my house to insult me; what's the matter, cat ate your tongue? - Who invited you anyway, Pele? - I invited him. But we were just leaving. Let's go, Joao. Maria L6cia, let me know when you plan to bring the doorman's son. - Let's go Joao, please. - Scat, Pe|é! Let's go. Holy fuck! It's the good stuff, isn't it, Betao? The best! Say, who was that snotty fucker with Maria L6cia tonight? Maria L6cia's nuts. She's insane. Who was that guy? - Who? Beto? - The other asshole. - An old boyfriend? - Of course not! I don't date crooks. He's just some petty drug-dealing playboy from Brasi-Iia. His father's in the military, posted abroad. He studied with me, that's all. God damn... Finally, some good weed in this town... SensafionaL" Enjoy it while you can, because this is the last one. You can get us some more, can't you, Joao? Don't, Chris. I think I might be able to arrange something. Why did you bring me here? There's good land here for sale. What would I want with this? - I hate the sticks... - I miss having a good field to farm. It was like old times. If the soil is good.... you can growjust about anything. As the President used to say: You plant it and I'll bank it. But for Maria Locia... I swore... I was just a carpenter I was making money... And she was taking care of the future. Soon enough, the city's potheads got the news. That's more like it. There's some good stuff out there. If anyone remembers smoking some excellent weed in Brasi-Iia back in the '80s They certainly didn't buy it from me. Because if they had... they wouldn't be able to remember a thing. But there are some things you want to forget but just can't. Nice and cold beer! Can I ask you something? - Ask away... - You won't get mad? Where did you get the money to buy this car? Are you back in business with your cousin? I told you I own a carpenter's shop. Don't lie to me, Joao. There's always a moment in life when you have to tell the truth. This car is borrowed. Let's dance! Because if you don't, life will do it for you. What's up, Joao? Were you waiting for me? If you want, I'll stop. I swear, I'll stop. But I'm making money. Don't you smoke? Don't your buddies smoke? What the fuck is this, Joao? You lied to me! You Swore! I don't want this for me, Joao. I don't. You didn't plant this week. Are you going to leave the weed to the bugs? It's all wrong, Pablo. Wrong? But you have a house, a fridge, a stove... I'd say you're doing fine. Nothing's fine. From now on, I'll have to go it alone. Go it alone? How are you gonna do that? You're from Santo Cristo. You're black, you're poor, you're illiterate. You're nothing here. I'm out. Ungrateful bastard... I want to be your partner. I want to talk to you. Who is this? This is Joao, dad. He's a friend of Beto. But he was just leaving, right? Beto isn't here. Bye. Dear, what did that lad want? He was looking for Beto. - You are not in some sort of trouble, are you? - Just because he's black? Watch your tone, young lady! There's a limit for everything! What are you doing? I'm not dealing anymore. Now I'm a partner in the shop. Again? I want to do things right. I want to get married and have a kid with you. So go into the living room and ask my father for my hand. Where are you going? -I'm going to talk to your father. -No you're not... -I'm going in there to talk to him. -You're not going... You're not going to talk to him! Stop it! Stop it! I'll make you believe me. You will believe me! - I'm going to talk to your dad. - No, you can't! Enough! Enough! I can't stand it anymore either! I can't stand it! Hands on your head! Hands on you head, fucker! Hands on your head! Now! Hands on your head! Up against the wall! Move it.... Move. Well, look at that! This is the bastard who's been tiring me out. Didn't I tell you? Look. Key to the cuffs. Didn't I tell you? So, Maria L6cia's little boyfriend! You're the one who's been muscling in. Am I right? Come here... Does she know you're a dealer? Let him go. Had enough, Santo? Understood who's boss here? Shit... Come here! Come here! You want to fuck some black ass? Now you're gonna get it. Nigger! - That party sucked. Telmo, holy fuck. What are we gonna do now, Jeremias? Cannonball, cannonball. Let's go to my place. Come on, Telmo. Let's go, Telmo. Fuck! Let's There are things that life makes you do, by force. It never asks if it's what you want... It just throws it at you And then it's up to you. You're smoking too much. Holy fuck... The bastard blew my friend's head off! -Yeah, that's right. -So, what now? -You're a bunch of assholes, that's what. -Assholes? Yes, assholes! I gave him to you on a plate! All you had to do was waste him and dump the body. Game over, Jeremias. I've had enough of this shit, I'm out. Like fuck you are, baby! Come on, let's not all go crazy! Let's not go crazy! - Do you want to be my partner? - Partner? On what terms? Fifty percent? I'm going out. If you fuck them up, it's a deal. Fuck". Aren't you going to say something? You disappeared, never showed up again... You came after me. What's going on Joao? You'd better go. This is a dangerous place. What's up Santo Cristo. You've been hiding, huh? -Fuck off, playboy. -Come on, man. I need some of the good stuff. There's none here for you. Look, this shit is foreign. It's worth a bundle. There's my man, Santo Cristo. Are you coming to the Rockweed tonight? Didn't you know? Jeremias is putting it together. Here. It would be great if you could show up. If not, you can use that shit in a spliff. It's done. - Watch the jacket, junkie. - Sorry. It's done. The invitation's delivered. - How did it go? - I had to give the bastard my watch. - Is that all you gave him, eh? - Yeah. Here, Beto. This is what you want, right, Beto? -I'm not giving it to you. -Don't do that, man. What? Here... Here you go. Behave, okay? I'm watching you. Joao! - Is Maria L6cia here? - No, she's at home. Hey! Look that! Run away. Beat it! Are you mad? Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Hey, Kunta Kinte! Can you sit yet? You're the one who won't be sitting anytime soon. because I'm gonna tear your ass in two, son of a bitch. Lower your weapons! Drop them now! Wanna die, motherfucker? - What's going on, Pablo? - What's this shit? Lower your weapons! Drop them now! This is my Rockweed, nigger! Motherfucker... Shoo, shoo. Scram. Easy, Pablo. The party's over, hermano. I came for the nigger. Drop the gun and beat it. I owe you one, cousin Why did you come here? I don't want to lose you. I don't deserve this, Joao? Who did this to you? With you. Get out of my house you scum! Get out of my house! Get out of my house! - Dad, stop! - Calm down, dad! - Calm down my ass! - I love your daughter. Like hell you do, you son of a bitch! Run Joao, run. Get out of the car. Hands on your head! I want you out of my house! That's the one sir. The tanned one. Joao de Santo Cristo, the Ceilandia killer. He won't be missed Look, there will be no killing in my precinct But If you want to rough him up... Are the police doing this to you? If it's not the police, then who is it? Tell me! Forget it. Don't come back here again. Tell me, Joao. Hey, I heard you've been looking for me? Okay, spit it out! Shoot! - It's about Joao. - Who? -Joao. -Joao? Which Joao? There's a shitload of Joaos in this town. Santo Cristo. Oh, Santo Cristo, yeah. He's having a great time in jail, isn't he? Tell me. I'm here to ask you a favor. You'd like me to help you, right? You come here all dressed up to ask me for a favor. Is that right? Tell me. What about the cock-teasing you threw my way my whole life? Isn't that enough? "I don't date dealers, I'm a decent girl..." Go fuck yourself! And then you come and rub my face in it with some red-neck who sells by the bag. - Is it all about me? - Yes, it's about you! You should have been mine. Help me. Please. okay- I'll help you. Next time you visit, I promise he'll be better. Okay? He said he doesn't want to see you. How come? He just doesn't. But I want to see him. Get in. Come in. You look beautiful, beautiful. Come on, motherfucker, get up. Get up, Santo Cristo. I'm talking to you. Come here. Hold the newspaper here. - What for? - Shut up and keep still. That's it! One hand here, the other there... Army Opens Investigation There's a clever boy! Here, that's it... Son of a bitch... Son of a bitch! Funding Lifeline for Paranoa. Democracy Takes Patience Aureliano Assumes the Presidency Get up, fucker! Piquet Wins! -They came out great. -Very good. You look fantastic in this one. Vasco lose at the death Joao de Santo Cristo. No photo today. Just stopped by to give you a present, to keep you entertained. Okay? I'll see you next week. Hey, baby, put your shirt on. I'm in a hurry. Handsome fella. - Can I read it? - You're illiterate. Let go. keep looking at the picture I gave you. Hey, what are you doing? Open the door. Now kneel. The fuck |'|| kneel, you black son of a bitch. Hey, Jeremias! Oh fuck... Easy man... Where's the coke? Where's the coke? That idiot went and left the house wide open... Dudu. Buddy... Fuck it, Dudu... CEILANDIA LOT #14 He took all my coke... He took it all. Fuck! He took my coke! He took my coke! We'll see who gets fucked up! This is war! This is war! He thinks he can fuck me over, He wants to fuck me over? So let's see! We'll see who gets screwed here! It's here! Joao! Easy..- Was it me... or the destiny ? If you had done differently? Would it change my path? Would my dreams became fate? The end is not where the road ends. João! Come João. Mom. If the world had its way, There'd be no place in it for me. That's why I spent my whole life looking for mine. But there are some things we choose and others that choose us. And I was born with lots of unfinished business. Tonho, give me a shot! Hit me again. Hold it right there. I had nothing to lose. Drive. So I had nothing to fear. Don't do it, kid. You're young. Don't be stupid. Out of the car. I said get out. On your knees. Don't do this shit, kid. You only want to because... Sometimes, we have to kill something so we can plant... water and breed new life. Wait... wait... A real man always pay his debts. There he is. On your feet! Get the fuck up. And I paid. Every last dime. I was back on my path. But times were different now. Good evening, Brasí-lia! One, two, three, four! We live in the city And so does the president. All pretending we're living a decent life But I don't plan To be so decadent No! Tedium with a capital T just for you! Go walking in the rain Sometimes I get stuck I don't have gas... You got the good stuff? - What? - The good stuff, twelve grams. Yeah? Show me the money. I'll pay you tomorrow. - You'll pay me tomorrow... - Tomorrow... These are all I've got. I live in Brasilia. Hey, man, what's this? What are you doing? I'll have no bums in here. I ain't no bum! See, I was wondering if you knew a relative of mine. Who is it? Pablo. That way. - Do you know him? - He's well known round here. I'm the son of Mazé and Vicente. From Santo Cristo. My father said I could look you up. You're the image of your mom. Do you want a smoke? Relatives only show up when they're fucked. And you're fucked, right? You're thirsty, hungry, cold... and have nowhere to crash, am I right? I'll have them fix you some food. Come on. - Do you drink whisky? - Not usually. Money changes people's tastes. Do you know what I do for a living? I started selling some very nice stuff here. A little comes in from Bolivia, and a little from Paraguay. - From Paraguay? - Yeah. I'll introduce you to my girl, but this one you can only look at. Teresa, get in here! She's the only reason I stayed in Brazil. Teresita! Rude! This here is my cousin, João. Are you sure? I told you my father was Brazilian. You're the first relative Pablo's introduced me to. First and last, the rest are dead. Better than nothing I guess. Pablo sent you here, right? He told you what I really need is a watchman, didn't he? If you want, I can do both. Okay. You're hired. Stop playing that shit, man. Play something good. That's it! Now use that anger to play some Clash... Ramones... Play the Pistols. If you play that shit in Berlin, you're screwed. You'll have a short career. You'll be deported right away. What's up? Maria Lðcia! I'm going home. I'm tired, Chris. - You wanna a ride? - No that's cool, I'll ride with Beto. Snap out of it, Mary... I'll call you. What sort of mess is this? - Answer me, boy! Look at all the wood you used! Do you want to send me under? I passed the night to making a chair. And there are no nails in it. It's good, too good. Who's gonna ask us to fix something that never breaks? Massu says you've been helping a lot, that you stay alert all night long. Too far? Winchester .22. Does it work? I'll show you. Your turn. Like this. You have to aim where the animal is, where you have to shoot. Let's go? Go. I'll bring you some candy later. Come on, shoot. We don't have all day! Lucky shot! Shit! Fucking hell! Pick it up! Fuck it, man! Are you trying to kill me? You're gonna make a delivery for me today. It won't take long. Barata, you stay at Massu's tonight. I'll pay you good money. Or do you want to spend the rest of your life in that shitty shack? Saci, get in the fucking car! Ouch ...burned right down... Hey, are you nuts? Maria Lucia You can't spend the rest of your life locked up at home! Chris, don't, I'm not going out. Maria Lðcia! - Get rid of it... get rid of it! - Okay! - I'm home. Did you bring the money? Police! Hands on your head! Hit the floor! Son of a bitch! Here you go. This will cover it, go pay. You rabid little thief, give them back, I saw you take them. Get your hands off him, you son of a bitch! Put it back! Like hitting kids, do you? I don't want a thief for a son, got it? Did he hurt you? When we get home, you help your mother pack. We're leaving tomorrow, first light. Okay. We can cycle from here, we're too slow. Climb on. Run into the scrub, go! Run! I'm telling you! Go, kid! Who do you think you are to lay a finger on my brother... You nigger son of a whore! - Black git runs like fuck... - Sure fucking does. Check down by the entrance to the court. Marco Aurélio! Check down here, I'll go round the back. We've got him cornered. - What's up, you nut! - You left it. Renato come back, the guy is not here. Give me a smoke. Don't scream! Don't scream! Don't scream! Some guys are after me. I'm just going to hide out, then leave. Stay calm. Maria Lðcia... I told you I'm home already! Maria Lðcia! - Yes? - Good evening. - Good evening, Mr...? - Ney. Mr Ney, I'm Detective Marco Aurélio. There's a delinquent on the loose in the neighborhood. We're advising all residents to keep their doors... No, there's nobody here. - Mr Ney, if I could just... - Senator... Right! Sorry to bother you, sir. Maria Lðcia? I'm getting changed, dad. - Close your window before bed. - Okay! My name is João. Mister Jeremias, that man's here to see you. Say it waif. Get! - Marco Aurélio! Titties! - Hands off, boy! What's wrong? Had some milk? - What's with the slinky hair? - Get off, I've got a present for you. - Really? - Yeah, come on. - Please... - Go on, ladies first... I want my share in cash. There's a fortune in here, missy. Here. Here, this here is the one I told you about. Taken from the scamp. Here, pass the time while I stash this. What's this? I'm not religious. I wasn't either, until I read the Gospel according to Luke. I've found Jesus... Cool, isn't it! I saw it in a movie! Look, it comes with a pen. So you can underline the parts that touch you deepest. Oh, God in Heaven! So, who was the competition? Just some blackie peddling to a couple of rich kids. The bastard ran like hell, but never mind, I know the cunt is from Ceilândia. So If he shows up again... - I'll bring him to you. - You better. Chill out man. Come on, your old man always trusted me. Didn't he? So? That shit I apprehended... This is anything but shit! This isn't the first time they've busted us like that. Always up there on the South Wing. I'm sick of losing cash. You didn't lose this time. - Here's the money. - Ah, that at least! Your cut. Now, go rent a shack. It's foreign. I only work with the best. What do you want from me? I came to say thanks. - I'll call the police this time. - No need. It's all cool. Want some? You've got a nerve. - Do you like it? - Pretty. But no thanks. I wanted to ask you out someplace nice. - No... - Come on! You're not doing anything. You're really crazy, aren't you? Okay, fine. Hey! - Is this the place? - Not yet. Not yet? What are you doing? I'm going for a swim. Come on, girl. Come in! Afraid of the cold, are you? Come on! Have you been here before? - Not like this. - So you've never been here then. - It's cold. - I'll warm you up. No, I'm getting out. You're one big pothead. And you are a hood. - I'm not a hood. - Yeah, right. I own a carpenter's shop. So what were you doing up near my place that night? Selling timber? That's my cousin's thing, but I'm not doing that again. What about you? Where do you work? I don't work. I'm studying to be an architect. It's tough. I'm an architect, and you're a carpenter. Yeah... The rich design it, the poor build it. That's awful! Did you think you'd get away so easy? Now, you're stuck here. No... No, no, no... I'm a hood, ain't I? Yeah? No... A small-time hood... - Is that how you like it? - No. I like when you tell the truth. - Pablo! - Yep! I need some weed. - Are you hooked already? - No. It's for a girl. Give a chick any old crap and she'll like it's great. She's from the south side. The stuff they smoke down there is pure shit. Why do you think I sent you there to sell to them? I can pay. Come with me. Good morning. Good morning. Have you changed your mind? You're the only one who refuses to pay our taxes. I don't even pay tax to the government. I'm the guy who looks after people here. Everybody knows that. Why aren't you grateful too? I hate ungratefulness! - Easy, Pablo. - Shut up! The money! Now! Are you nuts, motherfucker? I call the shots around here! Damn! Barata, give me the weed. For your girl. No need to pay. What's this? What? A term project I presented today. I brought you a joint, if you want a hit. No, it's too risky here. We'd better smoke it in the car. Let me get that. - I'll help you. - No, thanks. It's okay. That's the Anthropology building back there. I do Anthropology too. I'll toss it here. - Let me... - No, that's okay. You drive. I'll stick these in the back, out of your way. Let's go. The key's upside down. Okay... You know how to drive? Of course I can! Careful with reverse, it's a little... What are you laughing at girl? Slowly... Oh, sweet God! - I got it! I got it! - It isn't raining... Turn here... Turn here... - Here! I can do it! - No! No! I hit my head! Look... Look, Maria Lðcia brought her father's bodyguard. You came! Do you smoke weed, man? No, not that stuff. It tastes like cow shit. Hey, Jeremias! This dude says your weed's like hay! - Stop, man! - Like cow dung. He said he can find us much better weed. Really? Weed from where? If it's that good I want some too. Say something. You come into my house to insult me; what's the matter, cat ate your tongue? - Who invited you anyway, Pele? - I invited him. But we were just leaving. Let's go, João. Maria Lðcia, let me know when you plan to bring the doorman's son. - Let's go João, please. - Scat, Pelé! Let's go. Holy fuck! It's the good stuff, isn't it, Betao? The best! Say, who was that snotty fucker with Maria Lðcia tonight? Maria Lðcia's nuts. She's insane. Who was that guy? - Who? Beto? - The other asshole. - An old boyfriend? - Of course not! I don't date crooks. He's just some petty drug-dealing playboy from Brasí-lia. His father's in the military, posted abroad. He studied with me, that's all. God damn... Finally, some good weed in this town... Sensational... Enjoy it while you can, because this is the last one. You can get us some more, can't you, João? Don't, Chris. I think I might be able to arrange something. Why did you bring me here? There's good land here for sale. What would I want with this? - I hate the sticks... - I miss having a good field to farm. It was like old times. If the soil is good... you can grow just about anything. As the President used to say: You plant it and I'll bank it. But for Maria Lðcia... I swore... I was just a carpenter I was making money... And she was taking care of the future. Soon enough, the city's potheads got the news. That's more like it. There's some good stuff out there. If anyone remembers smoking some excellent weed in Brasí-lia back in the '80s They certainly didn't buy it from me. Because if they had... they wouldn't be able to remember a thing. But there are some things you want to forget but just can't. Nice and cold beer! Can I ask you something? - Ask away... - You won't get mad? Where did you get the money to buy this car? Are you back in business with your cousin? I told you I own a carpenter's shop. Don't lie to me, João. There's always a moment in life when you have to tell the truth. This car is borrowed. Let's dance! Because if you don't, life will do it for you. What's up, João? Were you waiting for me? If you want, I'll stop. I swear, I'll stop. But I'm making money. Don't you smoke? Don't your buddies smoke? What the fuck is this, João? You lied to me! You Swore! I don't want this for me, João. I don't. You didn't plant this week. Are you going to leave the weed to the bugs? It's all wrong, Pablo. Wrong? But you have a house, a fridge, a stove... I'd say you're doing fine. Nothing's fine. From now on, I'll have to go it alone. Go it alone? How are you gonna do that? You're from Santo Cristo. You're black, you're poor, you're illiterate. You're nothing here. I'm out. Ungrateful bastard... I want to be your partner. I want to talk to you. Who is this? This is João, dad. He's a friend of Beto. But he was just leaving, right? Beto isn't here. Bye. Dear, what did that lad want? He was looking for Beto. - You are not in some sort of trouble, are you? - Just because he's black? Watch your tone, young lady! There's a limit for everything! What are you doing? I'm not dealing anymore. Now I'm a partner in the shop. Again? I want to do things right. I want to get married and have a kid with you. So go into the living room and ask my father for my hand. Where are you going? - I'm going to talk to your father. - No you're not... - I'm going in there to talk to him. - You're not going... You're not going to talk to him! Stop it! Stop it! I'll make you believe me. You will believe me! - I'm going to talk to your dad. - No, you can't! Enough! Enough! I can't stand it anymore either! I can't stand it! Hands on your head! Hands on you head, fucker! Hands on your head! Now! Hands on your head! Up against the wall! Move it... Move. Well, look at that! This is the bastard who's been tiring me out. Didn't I tell you? Look. Key to the cuffs. Didn't I tell you? So, Maria Lðcia's little boyfriend! You're the one who's been muscling in. Am I right? Come here... Does she know you're a dealer? Let him go. Had enough, Santo? Understood who's boss here? Shit... Come here! Come here! You want to fuck some black ass? Now you're gonna get it. Nigger! - That party sucked. Telmo, holy fuck. What are we gonna do now, Jeremias? Cannonball, cannonball. Let's go to my place. Come on, Telmo. Let's go, Telmo. Fuck! Let's go! There are things that life... makes you do, by force. It never asks if it's what you want... It just throws it at you. And then it's up to you. You're smoking too much. Holy fuck... The bastard blew my friend's head off! - Yeah, that's right. - So, what now? - You're a bunch of assholes, that's what. - Assholes? Yes, assholes! I gave him to you on a plate! All you had to do was waste him and dump the body. Game over, Jeremias. I've had enough of this shit, I'm out. Like fuck you are, baby! Come on, let's not all go crazy! Let's not go crazy! - Do you want to be my partner? - Partner? On what terms? Fifty percent? I'm going out. If you fuck them up, it's a deal. Fuck... Aren't you going to say something? You disappeared, never showed up again... You came after me. What's going on João? You'd better go. This is a dangerous place. What's up Santo Cristo. You've been hiding, huh? - Fuck off, playboy. - Come on, man. I need some of the good stuff. There's none here for you. Look, this shit is foreign. It's worth a bundle. There's my man, Santo Cristo. Are you coming to the Rockweed tonight? Didn't you know? Jeremias is putting it together. Here. It would be great if you could show up. If not, you can use that shit in a spliff. It's done. - Watch the jacket, junkie. - Sorry. It's done. The invitation's delivered. - How did it go? - I had to give the bastard my watch. - Is that all you gave him, eh? - Yeah. Here, Beto. This is what you want, right, Beto? - I'm not giving it to you. - Don't do that, man. What? Here... Here you go. Behave, okay? I'm watching you. João! - Is Maria Lðcia here? - No, she's at home. Hey! Look that! Run away. Beat it! Are you mad? Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Hey, Kunta Kinte! Can you sit yet? You're the one who won't be sitting anytime soon. Because I'm gonna tear your ass in two, son of a bitch. Lower your weapons! Drop them now! Wanna die, motherfucker? - What's going on, Pablo? - What's this shit? Lower your weapons! Drop them now! This is my Rockweed, nigger! Motherfucker... Shoo, shoo. Scram. Easy, Pablo. The party's over, hermano. I came for the nigger. Drop the gun and beat it. I owe you one, cousin. Why did you come here? I don't want to lose you. I don't deserve this, João? Who did this to you? With you. Get out of my house you scum! Get out of my house! Get out of my house! - Dad, stop! - Calm down, dad! - Calm down my ass! - I love your daughter. Like hell you do, you son of a bitch! Run João, run. Get out of the car. Hands on your head! I want you out of my house! That's the one sir. The tanned one. João de Santo Cristo, the Ceilândia killer. He won't be missed. Look, there will be no killing in my precinct. But If you want to rough him up... Are the police doing this to you? If it's not the police, then who is it? Tell me! Forget it. Don't come back here again. Tell me, João. Hey, I heard you've been looking for me? Okay, spit it out! Shoot! - It's about João. - Who? - João. - João? Which João? There's a shitload of Joãos in this town. Santo Cristo. Oh, Santo Cristo, yeah. He's having a great time in jail, isn't he? Tell me. I'm here to ask you a favor. You'd like me to help you, right? You come here all dressed up to ask me for a favor. Is that right? Tell me. What about the cock-teasing you threw my way my whole life? Isn't that enough? "I don't date dealers, I'm a decent girl..." Go fuck yourself! And then you come and rub my face in it with some red-neck who sells by the bag. - Is it all about me? - Yes, it's about you! You should have been mine. Help me. Please. Okay. I'll help you. Next time you visit, I promise he'll be better. Okay? He said he doesn't want to see you. How come? He just doesn't. But I want to see him. Get in. Come in. You look beautiful, beautiful. Come on, motherfucker, get up. Get up, Santo Cristo. I'm talking to you. Come here. Hold the newspaper here. - What for? - Shut up and keep still. That's it! One hand here, the other there... Army Opens Investigation. There's a clever boy! Here, that's it... Son of a bitch... Son of a bitch! Funding Lifeline for Paranoá. Democracy Takes Patience. Aureliano Assumes the Presidency. Get up, fucker! Piquet Wins! - They came out great. - Very good. You look fantastic in this one. Vasco lose at the death João de Santo Cristo. No photo today. Just stopped by to give you a present, to keep you entertained. Okay? I'll see you next week. Hey, baby, put your shirt on. I'm in a hurry. Handsome fella. - Can I read it? - You're illiterate. Let go. Keep looking at the picture I gave you. Hey, what are you doing? Open the door. Now kneel. The fuck I'll kneel, you black son of a bitch. Hey, Jeremias! Oh fuck... Easy man... Where's the coke? Where's the coke? That idiot went and left the house wide open... Dudu. Buddy... Fuck it, Dudu... CEILÂNDIA LOT #14 He took all my coke... He took it all. Fuck! He took my coke! He took my coke! We'll see who gets fucked up! This is war! This is war! He thinks he can fuck me over, He wants to fuck me over? So let's see! We'll see who gets screwed here! It's here! João! Easy... Was it me... or the destiny? If you had done differently? Would it change my path? Would my dreams became fate? The end is not where the road ends. João! Come João. Mother. If it was up to the world... there would be no place for me in it. That's what I spend my life looking for. But there are things we choose ourselves... and there things that choose us. And I was born with lots of unfinished business to settle. Tonho, get me a shot of cachaça. Another one. Hold it right there. I had nothing to lose. Drive. That's why I was not afraid. Don't do it, kid. You're young. Don't do such a stupid thing. Get out of the car. I told you to get out. On your knees. Don't you do such a terrible thing. You'll kill me... Sometimes... we must kill a few things in order to plant... to water, and be born, again. Wait, wait. A real man always pay his debts. -There he is! -Stand up! Stand the fuck up! JUVIE - BAHIA And I have paid... up to the last penny. Then I turned to my path. But now, times were different. Good evening, Brasilia! One, two, three, four! We live in the city And so does the president Everybody pretends To live a life that's decent But I don't mean To be so decadent, no Boredom whit a big B Just for you! Walk under the rain Sometimes I dig it I have no fuel Do you have some good stuff on you? -What? -Do you have some good stuff? -I do. Show me the money. -I'll pay you tomorrow. -You'll pay me tomorrow? -Tomorrow... I just got this glass. I live in Brasilia! ARAGUARINA STATION FREIGHT Hey, man, what is it? What are you doing? -I want no bum in here. -I ain't no bum. I was wondering if you know a relative of mine. Who's it? Pablo. Go on. -Do you know him? -He's well known here. I'm the son of Mazé and Vicente. From Santo Cristo. My father told me I could look for you. You look like your mother. Do you want a smoke? Relatives tend to show up when they're fucked up. And you're fucked up, aren't you? You're thirsty, you're hungry, you're cold... and you have nowhere to crash, isn't that so? I'll get you some food. Come on. -Do you like scotch? -I'm not used to it. Money changes people's tastes. Do you know what I do for a living? I begun selling very nice stuff here. Some coming from Bolivia, some coming from Paraguay. -For real? Paraguay? -Yeah. I'll introduce you to my girl, but this one, you can only look at. Teresa, come over here! She is the true reason I stayed in Brazil. Teresita! You're so rude! This is my cousin, João. Are you sure? I told you, my father was Brazilian. You're the first relative Pablo's introduced me to. First and last, the rest is dead. Better scrannel than without a nose! Pablo told you to come here, right? He told you what I really need in a watchman, didn't he? If you want, I can do both. That's fine. You're hired. Stop playin' this shit, man. Play something good. That's it! Now that use your anger to play Clash, Ramones. Play Pistols. If you go to Berlin to play this shit, you're screwed. You're going to have a short career. You'll be deported right away. Hey. What's up? Maria Lúcia. I'm going home, I'm tired, Chris. -Wanna a ride? -No, that's cool, I'll ride with Beto. Snap out of it, Mary... I'll call you. What is this mess? Answer me, boy! Look amount of wood you chopped! Do you want to wreck my business? Drive me bankrupt? I used the night to make a chair. And it's got no nails. The good indeed. Who's gone ask us to fix something that never breaks? Massul told me you're a big help. You're alert all night long. Too far? Winchester 22. Does it work? I'll show you. Your turn. This way. You have to look where the prey is. Where you have to shoot. Let's go? Let's go. I'll bring you some candy later. Come on, shoot it. We don't have all day! Luck shot! God damn! Fuck you! Pick it up! Fuck you, bro! Wanna kill me? Today, you're gonna make a delivery for me. It won't take long. Barata, you'll stay at Massul's tonight. I'll pay you good money. Or do you want to sleep forever in that shitty shack? Saci, come on in, goddamn it! Here it is, almost gone. What is your problem? Maria Lúcia, you can't stay home for the rest of your life. Chris, I'm not going out. Maria Lúcia. -Get rid of it, get rid of it! -Will do. Just tell you I'm home! Did you bring the money? Police! Hands on your head! On the floor! Fucker. Here you go. This is enough! Go on! You, little thief! Put it back! I saw you taking it! Take your hands off him, you son of a bitch. Put it back, boy! You like hitting children? I don't want my son to be a thief, understood? Did he hurt you? When we get home you help your mother pack. We are living tomorrow, first light. Okay. Let's pedal, we're too slow. Climb on. Run into the woods, go. Hurry up! I'm telling you! Go, kid. Who do you think you are to hit my brother, your nigger, son of a bitch? -Gee, the nigger is fast... -Goddamn it, yeah! You go to the entrance. Marco Aurélio. Look around here, I'll check the back! This guy is surrounded on this block. Chris. -What's up, you loony? -Have you forgotten? Renato, come back the guy is not here. Gimme a smoke, man. Don't scream! Don't scream! Don't scream! Some guys are chasing me. I'll just hide and I'll leave. Calm down... Maria Lúcia, I told you I'm home already. Maria Lúcia. -Yes? -Good evening. -Good evening, Mr...? -Ney. Mr. Ney, I'm detective Marco Aurélio. There's a crook at loose in the neighborhood. We're warning the residents to keep their doors... No, there's nobody here. -Mr. Ney, if I could at least just... -Senator... Right. Sorry to bother you, sir. Maria Lúcia? I'm changing clothes, dad. -Close your window before bedtime. -Okay. My name is João. Mr. Jeremias, that man's here to see you. Say it, Bones. Go! -Marco Aurélio. Titties! -Hands off, dude. -What's wrong? Had some milk? -I like your haircut. Come, I got a gift for you. -Really? -Yeah, come on. -Please. -Ladies first... My share I want in cash. Look, there's a fortune there, little girl. Here. This here is the one I told you about. I got it from the two-bit drug dealer. Have some fun here, while I roll up a joint there. What do you mean? I'm no Bible-thumping preacher. I wasn't either, until read Luke's Gospel. I found Jesus. -I saw it in a movie. -Look, a little pen tube. So you can underline the parts that touch you deeper. Oh, my freaking God! So, who was my competitor? It was a two-bit nigger selling for a couple of rich kids. The bastard ran like hell, but never mind. I know he, bastard, is from Ceilândia and if he shows up again... -I'll bring him to you. -Good for you. Chill out, man. Come on, your old man always trusted me. Didn't he? So that shit I apprehended... This is any, but shit. This isn't the first time that fucker messes up with us. Always on that Plano Piloto. I'm tired of losing. This time, you didn't lose. -Here's the money. -At least this. Your cut. Now, go rent your shack. It comes from abroad. I only deal with the best. What do you want from me? I came to thank you. -This time, I'll call the police. -No need. It's all cool. Here. You're cocky, you know? -Did you like that? -Pretty. But no, thanks. I'd like to invite you to go a cool place. -No. -Come on. You have nothing better to do, anyway. You're really crazy, you know? Okay, fine. Hey! -Is this the place? -Not yet. Not yet? What are you doing? I'm gonna dive in. Come on, baby. Come in! Are you afraid of the cold? Come. Have you ever been here? -Not like this. -So you never knew this place. -It's cold. -I'll warm you up. No, let's get out. You're one big pothead. And you are a thug. -I'm not a thug. -Yeah, right. I own a carpenter shop. What were you doing in my neighborhood that day? Selling wood? That's my cousin's business, but I won't do it anymore. What about you? Where do you work? I don't work. I'm studying to be an architect. That's hard. I'm an architect, and you're a carpenter. Yeah... The rich plan it, and the poor build it. That's awful! Do you think it's like that? Now, I'll pin you down. No. No, no, no. I'm a thug, ain't I? Yeah... No. Small time thug. -Is this how you like it? -No. I like when you tell the truth. -Pablo? -Yep. I need a little weed. -Are you hooked already? -No. It's for a girl. Give the chick any crap. She'll like it fine. She's from Asa Sul. What they smoke down there is pure shit. Why do you think I sent you down there for? I can pay you. Come with me. Good morning. Have you changed your mind? You're the only one who refuses to pay the taxes. I don't even pay taxes to the government. I take care of the people around here. Everybody knows that. Why aren't you grateful too? I hate ungratefulness! -Enough, Pablo. -Shut up! The money, now! Are you insane, motherfucker? I'm the boss here. Damn. Barata, gimme some weed. For your chica. No need to pay. What's this? What? A term project, I presented today. I brought you a joint, if you want s hit. No, it's risky here. We'd better smoke in the car. Give that to me. -I'll help you. -No thanks. It's okay. It's the Anthropology Building back here. I'll minor in Anthropology too. I'll toss here. -Let me... -No, that's okay. You drive. I'll stick it here, but it won't hinder the gear. Let's go. The key's upside down. Okay... Can you drive? Of course I can! Careful with the reverse gear, it's a little... What are you laughing about, girl? Slowly. Oh, my God! -I did it, I did it! -It isn't raining... Turn around here. Turn here. -Here! I can do it! -No, no! I hit my head. Look... Maria Lúcia brought her father's bodyguard. You're here. Do you smoke weed, man? No, not this kind. It tastes of cow shit. Hey, Jeremias! This dude says your weed's like hay! -Stop man. -It's like cow dung! He said he can find us much better weed. Really? Where does his weed come from? If it is good I want some too. Say something. You offend me in my house. Cat ate your tongue? -Who invited you here... Pelé? -I invited him... but he's on his way out. Let's go, João. Maria Lúcia, let me know shall you bring the doorman's son. -Let's go João, please. -Go away, Pelé! Let's go. Holy fuck! This is good stuff, isn't it, Betão? The best. Who's that cheeky fucker with Maria Lúcia tonight? Maria Lúcia's nuts. She's insane. Who was the dude? -Who? Beto? -The other sucker. Your boyfriend? Of course not? I don't date crooks. He's a lowlife playboy dealer. He's an army brat, his old man is stationed abroad. He was a classmate, nothing more. Goddamn... finally, some good weed in this town. Fan-fucking-tastic. Enjoy it while you can, cause this is the last one. You can get some more, can't you, João? Don't bother him, Chris. I think I can manage that. Why did you bring me here? This good land is for sale. Why would I buy that? -I hate woods. -I miss a good field to farm. All I had to do, then, was fulfill my need to plow. If the soil is good, you harvest wherever you plant. As the President João Figueiredo used to say: "Plant it and João ensures it." But for Maria Lúcia... I reassured I was only a carpenter. I was making money and she taking care of the future. Soon, the city¤s potheads were aware of the news. Oh yeah! There's a good stuff for sale. If anyone remembers smoking an excellent weed in the 80's... I most certainly didn't buy it from me. Because, if it was, he wouldn't remember anything. But there are things you want to forget, and just can't. Nice and cold beer. Can I ask you something? -Ask. -You're not going to get mad. Where did you get the money to buy this car? Are you back in business whit your cousin? I told you I own a carpenter shop. Don't lie to me, João. There always a moment in your life when we have to tell the truth. This car is borrowed. Let's dance. Or life itself will tell the truth. It's not our fault We were born blessed -What's up, João? -Were you waiting for me? For the bad distribution With so many richness out there Where is it? Where's its share? With so many richness out there Where is it? Where is it's share? Wait until when If you want, I'll stop it. I swear, I'll stop. But I'm making money. Don't you smoke? Don't your buddies smoke? What the fuck, João? You lied to me, you swore! I don't want it for me. I don't. You left harvest aside this week. Are you leaving the weed to the bugs? This is all wrong, Pablo. Wrong? But you have a house, a fridge, a stove. I think you're doing fine. Nothing's going fine. I'll start to work on my own. Work? How are you gonna work? You're form Santo Cristo. You're black, you're poor, you're illiterate. Here, you're shit. I'm out. Ungrateful. I'm here to be your partner. I wanna talk with you. What is it? This is João, dad. he's a friend of Beto. But he's on his way, aren't you? Beto isn't here. Bye. My dear, what did that man want? He was looking for Beto. You are not some sort of trouble, are you? Just because he's black? Watch your mouth, young lady! There¤s a limit for everything! What are you doing? I'm not dealing anymore. Now I'm a partner in the shop. Again? I want to do things right, Maria Lúcia. I want to get married and have a kid with you. You go to the living room and ask my father for his permission to marry me. Where are you going? -I'll talk to you father. -You're not going... Stop it. You won't talk to him! You won't talk to him! Stop it! Stop it! You'll believe me? -I'll talk to your father. -No, you won't! Enough! Enough! I can't stand it anymore either! I can't stand it! Hands on your head! Hands on your head, fucker! Hands on your head! Now! Hands on your head! Assume the position! Look at that! This is the bastard who's giving me a hard time. I told you. Look. This is the cuffs' little key. I told you. So, Maria Lúcia's boyfriend. Are you the one who's screwing up with my business? Are you? Come here. Does she know you're a dealer? Let him go. Is good enough, Santo? Did you understand who's boss here? Shit. Come here, come here. Do you wanna fuck this nigger's ass? Nigger! DISCO What a lame party you brought us, bro! Telmo! Holy fuck. What are we gonna do now, Jeremias? Let's go to my house. Come on, Telmo. Let's go, Telmo. Goddamn. Let's go! There are things that life imposes to you. It never asks if you want, it throws you there. And then, it's up to you. You're smoking too much. Holy fuck. The bastard blew up my friend's head. -Yeah, that's right. -So, what now? -You're a bunch of assholes. -Assholes? Yes, assholes. I gave you the guy on a silver platter. You should've killed him. I'd disappear with the corpse. Game over, Jeremias. I'm out of this shit. You're out my ass, baby. Come on, let's not go crazy. Let's not go crazy. -Do you want to be my partner? -What do you mean, "partner"? ¤0¤? I'm leaving. If you them over, that's fine. Fuck. Won't you say anything? You disappeared, never showed up again. It says you who sought me out. What's going on, João? You'd better go. This is a dangerous place. What's up, Santo Cristo? You've been hiding, huh? -Fuck off, playboy. -Come on, man. I need some good weed. For you there is no more. Look this shit comes from aboard. It's worth a bundle. This is great, Santo Cristo. Will you show up at the Rockweed party tonight? Don't you know about that? Jeremias is putting it together. Here. It would be nice if you showed up. If not, at least you can roll up that shit. -It's done. -Watch my jacket, you junkie. Sorry. The invitation's delivered. -How did it go? -I had to give the bastard my watch. -Did you give anything else? -That was all. Here, Beto. This is what you want, right, Beto? -I'm not giving it to you. -Don't do that, man. What? Here... Here you are. Behave, okay? I'm watching you. João. -Maria Lúcia is here? -No, she is at home. Hey, look that! Run away. -Beat it. -Are you mad? Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch. Hey, faggot! Can you sit yet? You won't be able to sit anymore. Because I'm gonna blow up your ass, motherfucker. Lower your weapons! Lower them! Come on, motherfucker. -What's going on, Pablo? -What the fuck is this? -Lower your weapons! -Lower them now! This is my Rockweed, nigger! Motherfucker. Scram. -Be strong, Pablo. -The party is over, herma¤o. I came for the nigger. Drop the gun and get out. I owe you one, cousin. Why did you come here? I don't wanna lose you. I don't deserve this, João. Who did this? With you. Get out of my house, you thug! Get out of my house. -Get out of my house. -Wait a minute. -Calm down, dad. -What do you mean, calm down? -I love your daughter. -Love my ass, motherfucker! Come on, João, getaway. Get out of the car. Hands on your head. I want you out of my house. That's the one, sir. The sun-tanned one. João de Santo Cristo, the Ceilândia killer. He won't be missed. Look, there will be no killing in my precinct... but if you wanna teach him a lesson... Is the police doing that to you? If is not the police, who is? Talk! Forget about it. Don't come back here, anymore. Tell me, João. Hey, were you looking for me? Okay, spit it out! Shoot. -It's about João. -Who? -João. -João? What João? There are lots of them in this town. -Santo Cristo. -Oh, Santo Cristo, yeah. He's having a good time in jail, isn't he? Tell me. I'm here to ask you a favor. -Yeah? -Yeah. You'd like me to help you out, right? You came here all dressed up to ask me for a favor. Is that right? Tell me. What about the cock-teasing you threw my away... all my life? Isn't it enough? "I don't date dealers. I'm a decent girl." Fuck yourself! Now, you humiliate me, hooking up with a two-bit-dealer. -It is about me? -Yes, it's about you! I want you for myself. Help me. Please. Okay. I'll help you. When you visit hi m next. I promise he'll be feeling better. Okay? He said he doesn't want to see you. -How come? -He just doesn't. But I want to see him. Get in. Come in. You're looking beautiful, beautiful. Come on, motherfucker, get up. Get up, Santo Cristo, I'm talking to you. Come here. Hold the newspaper here. -What for? -Shut up and keep it still. That's it. One hand here, the other one here... You're so fucking smart. Here, that's it. Son of a bitch. Get up, fucker. -They came out great. -Very good. You're looking great in this one. João de Santo Cristo. Today, there's no photo shoot. I brought you a present, to keep you entertained. Okay? I'll see you next week. Hey, baby, out the shirt on. I don't have the whole for this. Good looking guy. -Can I read it? -You're illiterate. Let go. Keep looking at the picture I gave you. Hey, what are you doing? Open the door! Open, now! Wait, wait. Now, on your knees. On my knees, my ass, you nigger, son of a... Hey, Jeremias! Holy fuck. Calm down, man. Where's the coke? That stupid fool left the house wide open. Dudu, buddy. Fuck it, Dudu. CEIL¤NDIA LOT ¤ 14 He took all my coke. He took it all. Fuck! He took my coke! He took my coke. Let's see who's gonna get fucked over there. This is war, now. This is war. He thinks he'll fuck me over. He'll fuck me over? We shall see. We shall see who's gonna get screwed. It's here. João! Easy... Was it me... or the destiny? What if I had done it differently? Would it change my path? Would my dreams became fate? The end is not where the road ends. You're stable. That's what I'll sell as your publicist. Stability. You don't know how many firms I work with where it's just constant screaming and backbiting. I mean, here, you're all just one big happy family. Joely, could you give me a minute? Oh, certainly, certainly. I'll be right out here. Stability. What? Alicia is leaving the firm with Cary, and she's taking our top clients. She... What? I sat down with one of my clients, Sonya Rucker, and asked if she was leaving the firm. She is. With Cary and Alicia, to their new firm. She... With just Cary, right? No. Alicia as well. I... When? Uh... She's a partner. Yes, and she had a $10,000 stipend to decorate her office, but she stopped three weeks ago, spending only half. She has been planning this for three weeks. Will... I know this is hard. Document everything. You're leaving? No. I just got here. What? You and Cary... are leaving? Will... No. It's an easy answer. It falls into the "yes or no" category. You and Cary are leaving and you're taking some clients with you? Yes. And you decided this three weeks ago? Yes. I'm sorry. Of course. That helps. It's time I try something... new. I took you in. No one wanted you. I hired you. - I pushed for you. - Will... This is a business decision. You were poison! This firm got you back on your feet. And I will always be thankful. And this is how you show it? By stealing our clients? We didn't steal anything. These were clients that... You have a fiduciary responsibility to this firm, and you were going behind our backs. I didn't go behind any backs. I... You negotiated Diane's exit package. - You asked me to! - And the whole time, you knew you were leaving. Nothing I was doing impacted that negotiation. Oh, God. God, you're awful, and you don't even know how awful you are. This is how you and Diane started this firm. Don't you dare compare... Okay. Okay. First of all, you're fired. Second... I'm taking this company cell phone - until such time as... - Excuse me. That's my personal... And I'm taking it into possession until I can determine which clients you've attempted to steal. You can't do that. Get out of here, Alicia. Right now. You're fired. No. You don't want to push this. I'm a partner. You want to remove me, you need the majority vote of the executive board, and then you need a vote of the full board. I need you to stand right here. If she tries to contact anyone, document it and contact me immediately. Do you understand? I do. This is Will Gardner on the 28th floor. I need four security guards up here right now. What should I do? Give me your phone. Do we tell Cary or somebody? I can't tell you what to do. At some point, you and I are going to be deposed about what we did just now. You have to do things on your own. - I'll tell Cary. - Just so you know, Will is gathering up the executive committee and the full board to relieve me of my duties, and that will take an hour. So hurry. This is Alicia Florrick, yes. We need to know if we can move into the office space a week earlier. They found out. Alicia's being fired, and we have a half hour. Damn it, we don't have all the files. Yeah, you download. I'll get the contacts. We need a quorum, Howard. Let's go. What? Yo, what do you need? I'm still working... I need you to shut down all client files to associate computers right now. - Why? - 'Cause I need it. No, I mean, what about the associates - already with files in use? - Shut them down now. No one accesses files until I say so. Tell me the name of anyone who tries to access files. Okay. Anything else? No. Yes. One of the partners, Alicia Florrick, don't let her into the files, either. I'll be with you in a moment. Told you they were up to something. I told you they were screwing us. Yes, and we'll congratulate you later. We need to act now. Where's Howard? - Present. - We need one more for a quorum. How about Alicia? She just needs to be here. We can still vote her out. - What'd she do? - Diane, we need you. No, she doesn't work here anymore. We haven't signed her exit package. We need a quorum on the executive committee. You're in. I move that the executive committee immediately take to the full partnership a proposal to relieve Alicia Florrick of her duties. Wow, really? Diane discovered Alicia was planning to leave with Cary Agos and several of our top clients. - Which clients? - We're trying to find out now. All those in favor of relieving Alicia Florrick of her duties? You're the one who found it out. Are you really going to vote against it? Give me a second, please. There's someone trying to download a file right now. - Who? - Carey. Yeah, I know. Cary Agos. No, no, the other Carey. Zepps. This way. Come with me. Would you like me to come back? No. Stay! Carey Zepps, you're fired. We need you to get out of the offices right now. No, that stays. You take nothing. My car keys are in my office. Your things will be collected and sent to your home. If you need your car keys, wait in the lobby. They'll be delivered to you. Now, get the hell out of here. Zach, what are you doing? Heading to school. Uh, hey, have you seen my Lincoln essay? I can't find it. I need your help. You were talking about the cloud at my work, files being saved up to the cloud. Mom, did you maybe put it in your room or something? Do me a favor. I need all my company contacts and files saved from the company cloud to my cloud, my personal cloud. Can you do that? You have no idea what any of those words mean, do you? No, but can you... Can you transfer my files so I can use them at home? Uh, I mean, I don't know. Maybe. Mom, I have chemistry, all right? Can't this wait? No, unfortunately not. Someone is trying to block me, and I need to do it now. Do you need my password? Okay. Okay, okay, I'm fine. I'm fine here. This is as far as you can take... No. No. Look, I know you started firing people before I could download all the files, but I'm staying here. - Let's go. - You want a lawsuit? Go for it. Lockhart/Gardner doesn't control the lobby of this building. So let me go. Go down all those corridors down to that west main door, and I want you to look in every single door... They don't know I'm with you. You know what offends me most? The fact that I stood up for you. I got you hired. That offends you the most? Really? Not the fact that every fourth-year was promised a partnership? So that's who you're in league with? All the fourth-years? No, I'm making a point. You brought this on yourself. The sad thing is, Cary, I was your mentor. If you had a disagreement, you could've come to me. Every step of the way, I was here to help you... Oh, come on, Diane, this is not a camp. When I came to your door, you didn't want to teach. - You wanted to know... - It's amazing how you've misinterpreted every single thing. How did I misinterpret? You fired me. The first time. I put more hours into this place than anything, I did my best work for you, and you fired me. We fired you because of Alicia, and you sure got over that quick. I need to start something on my own, the same way that you and Will needed to start. - Then do it without our clients. - They're not your clients! When was the last time you looked at Chumhum? - When was the last time? - You're taking Chumhum? I'm-I'm using that as an example. - We're ready. - I'll be right there. List all of the associates leaving with you. You can guess. If you don't want all of the fourth-years fired, you list all of the associates leaving with you. I am deathly serious. Why do you care? You're gonna be a Supreme Court justice. Why does this even matter to you? I don't like betrayal. And I like this firm. Now, you write down the names. And, Cary, you're fired. For a second time. Yes, a second time. Get the hell out. The executive committee called this emergency... Hold on! Quiet down, please! This is an emergency meeting of the full partnership with one cause of action. We have a partner who is actively trying to steal our top clients. Chumhum. Who said that? Cary. Agos, Cary. Now, as you all know, a partner can't be removed without the majority vote of the full partnership. We've just been told this new firm is making a play for Chumhum. We will now entertain a motion to remove Alicia Florrick of her duties. They don't know that I'm with you. Should I stay here after you go? I can't say anything. I think I can feed you stuff from the inside. Alicia? What's going on? Candace, hi. I forgot, we have a depo today, don't we? We do. Can I come in? Yes, of course. Please. What's going on? Are you under arrest? I'm in the process... I'm forming my own firm, and I think I'm being pushed out today. Uh, okay, but I don't understand. You're my lawyer. Will Gardner's your lawyer, too. Yeah, but you're the one I've mostly dealt with. Where is this new firm? Can my case go with you? Actually, I... I can't answer that right now. Excuse me, Alicia. Could you step out here a second? After a vote by the full partnership, you've been officially removed from your position. Gentlemen, will you escort her out, please? I want my phone back. After we ascertain whether there are Lockhart/Gardner materials on it, we will messenger it to you. This was never meant personally. I don't give a damn. She didn't do anything? No, she just waited for you to return. She didn't try to contact any of the associates? No. Good. Hang around here today. Okay. Kalinda, you got a second? Yeah, sure. Where were you? At home. What's up? We fired Alicia and Cary. And the other Carey. They were intending to steal our top clients. Wow. Yeah. Now, here's what I need to know. Are you leaving with her? With Alicia? Uh, no. Because if you are, you need to leave right now. I'm not. David Lee says you are. Well, David Lee says a lot of things. You're friends with Alicia, and she didn't tell you about leaving? No. Clearly, I-I wasn't friend enough. Okay. I need to know which associates are leaving with them and which clients, and I need to know fast. - Okay. - You don't know now? No, but I can find out. Things are crumbling around here, Kalinda, and I need to know who I can trust. Can I trust you? You can. Good. Find out what's going on. Okay. Come on. Move it along. Stand over there. Right over there. What's going on? Who are they? The associates Cary says he's leaving with. We're lining them up to fire their asses. Cary's screwing with you. They're all protected classes. He named them because he knows you can't fire them. Damn it. Get to the fourth-year associates. Fire them. Get them out of the building now. I'll go. So, about stability... You're hired. You're our new publicist, and I need you to start right away. Yeah, certainly. We had to fire a partner. And she's the wife of the next governor. Okay, get up! You're fired. Let's go. Hands up from the keyboard. You're both fired. Okay, the first step is we call all the clients. Everybody, get on a cell phone. All the partners. We split up the list across the hall... - Who's that? - The nurse's deposition. That's now? And what are we telling the clients? We give the reasons for firing Alicia Florrick. And don't just make it about the new firm. The reason has to do with performance. - She was stealing money. - No, we can't say that. Next we go to court. We get a restraining order against further pursuit of our clients. - We can't win that. - It's not about winning. It's about slowing them down. It's about an off-speed pitch. They've had one month to pursue our clients. Now we have the advantage. Okay, I get it. I can find my own way home. Who else did they get? Are you the last? Beth was still there. They still haven't found her and Robyn. They can get us downloads. Will blocked files to everyone but partners. How are people working? They aren't. They're too busy battling us. Okay, we have to get on with all our clients, let them know we're leaving a week early. Who had the cappuccino? The tea? Guys, we need to move fast. We need to split up our list. Will will be on with everybody. We need to move up our press release. All right, I'm on it. I already called the new offices. We can pick up the keys tomorrow. One thing you all lost is bonuses. Hey. Hey, guys. If we don't get our clients in line, we don't have a firm to open. Cary, are you on Chumhum? Yeah, I'll call Neil Gross. Who's our second-best client? Vonerich at SVI Holdings. I'll call. Steve Vonerich. Oh, hello. Yes. No, I hadn't heard. Yes, we fired Mrs. Florrick, unfortunately. We discovered some issues in her performance. What issues? Well, we'd rather not say, at least... not until the authorities look into it, but I want to assure you, we looked into her work on your account and found no money missing. Mr. Vonerich, it's Alicia. Hi. Yes, I wanted to get back to you about the firm. I'm not sure it's the best time - for me to move right now. - They got to him. Were there some financial irregularities? They said there may be some worries about money being taken from accounts you serviced. Do you still want another investigator? Do I st...? Look, Lockhart/Gardner is starting to crumble, and Will is going crazy. He's lashing out at you with everything he's got. So, do you still want another investigator? We have one. Robyn doesn't win cases. Robyn's within our budget. That last deal that you offered me... I'll take it. Kalinda, what's going on? Look, Lockhart/Gardner can survive without you, Alicia and half a dozen others, but... it can't survive without Diane. I can read the writing on the wall. Okay. You really want to join us, get us something. Get us the Chumhum files. They've thrown up a firewall. Where do you want me to bring them? Here? 155 Emerson. Okay. We lost Vonerich's hedge fund. And the Paisley Group. We're being badmouthed to the clients. It's Will. He's in commando mode. So what do we do? What are you doing? Distracting him. - Hello? - Candace. Hi. It's Alicia. I just wanted to check and see how the deposition was going. It's not going anywhere at the moment. Where are you? Downstairs. Is Will not with you? He's here. He's just... He's on his phone. The concern here, Candace, is that it took us six months to set this deposition up. And if it doesn't happen now, they could delay another six months. - No, no, no... - Yes, she's the governor's wife, but that isn't always a good thing. Mr. Gardner? We need to start the deposition now. Okay, good. I'll call you back. Candace, yes. I just need a few more minutes. No. I'm sorry. We need to do this now, or they'll leave. Okay. Let me get my files. Mom, pick up the phone. Hey, Mom, pick up the phone. Hey, Mom, pick up the phone. Hey, Mom, pick up the phone. Hey, Mom, pick up... Hello? Who is this? Will Gardner. Hi. Um, this is Grace. Is my mom there? She's, um... I have her cell phone. Hey, look, uh, can you give her a message for me? I, um... I can't find my permission slip for my Campus Faith field trip. Um, I need her to call them. I don't know if I'm gonna see her. Maybe... try her at home? I'm at home, and she's not here. Look, if you see her, can you just have her call me, please? Okay. Thanks. Hello. Cary Agos. Oh, Mr. Agos, what can I do for you today? Hello, Mr. Gross. I'm thrilled we got you. I've been trying you on your cell. Uh, yeah, I was up in the air. Now I'm on the ground, heading to your offices to discuss this suit. So can it wait? Actually, it can't, sir. Uh, can we... Can we meet you at your Chumhum offices? Uh, my offices? Why? Got a doppio macchiato! Because we're making the move today. We're leaving Lockhart/Gardner and starting Florrick/Agos. You're starting your own firm today? Yes, sir. No time like the present. Well, um, I should warn you, Cary. My peeps on the West Coast aren't too thrilled with the idea of me leaving Lockhart/Gardner for what's essentially a start-up. Start-up? With the governor's wife? Yeah, well, that's a two-way street. Um, we've been reviewing the political rules for the governor, and, um, kind of a tangle. Five-year plan. They won't be a tangle with us, sir. Let us come by, and we'll lay out our five-year plan for you. Just how I want to spend my afternoon. Listening to my next five years. Hello? Alicia, it's Candace. Shouldn't we be going after wrongful termination, not sexual harassment? Candace, is the deposition happening now? Yes, but all of Mr. Gardner's questions are geared toward sexual harassment. I thought we'd lose harassment. But didn't you fire our client because she was too pretty? No, no, it wasn't that she was too pretty. There was... Actually, could you hold on a second? Hey, wait. Candace. Is that Alicia? Yeah. She thinks we should be going after wrongful termination. May I, please? Alicia, you've been removed from your position at this firm. Yes, and she called me. I didn't call her. You engage with any of our clients again, and we'll take you to court. - For what? - For tortious interference. Oh, come on. The only one interfering here is you. Telling our clients that I stole money? All we told the clients is you were fired. And you contact any of them again and I swear, Alicia, you and Cary will not have a penny left in the bank. Oh, go to hell. No, you go. Oh... your daughter called. She needs you to call her school to let her go on a field trip. Oh. When was this? About 40 minutes ago. Oh. Okay, thanks. You're welcome. - What did they say? - They don't have the Chumhum files. What? What don't they have? The Chumhum files. Cary said that? Yeah. They're trying to meet with Neil Gross. We need to get court time right now. - Was there anything else? - They have offices at 155 Emerson. Oh, I know that building. I'm on it. Department of Health, please. Anyone else here working with them? Yes. Robyn. Yeah. I'll introduce it. Then throw it to me. I'll handle the lawsuit. - Alicia, you'll handle the ethical rules. - Florrick/Agos. There you all are. Welcome to my house. - You remember Carey Zepps. - Yeah, I sure do. One of you needs to change your name, though. - Come on up. - Yeah, this guy. Alicia Florrick? - Yes. - Cary Agos? This is a restraining order preventing you from meeting any representative of Chumhum. I read it. - It charges tortious... - Tortious interference with trade. That's right. Well, this is awkward. Tell me when you guys work this out. Damn it. Yep. Well, because it doesn't make any sense, Doug. I haven't made any decisions on pensions, period. Oh, okay, yeah. Let's go to a more neutral subject. My wife. Go. Shoot. No. What? Eli. Well, I'm gonna have to check into that. No, I can't confirm or deny, - and I'll get back to you. - What? What's wrong? That was Doug Fletcher from the Tribune. He says that Alicia was fired today. She... What? - Have you heard anything? - No. Fired from her job? That's what he says. All we did was block them. Now we got to get a meeting with Neil Gross. Hello. Hello? Will? Yes. Where's Alicia? She's, uh... out. She's not here anymore. Why? She was in the process of stealing clients. No, she was in the process of trying to form her own firm, and they were unhappy clients. Peter, you don't want to get involved in this. I've always been involved in this, okay? You're the governor-elect. I'm a private citizen with a practice to run. You can't get involved in this without it blowing back and hurting you. Okay, thanks for the advice, jackass. Listen to me. I'm not just a governor. I am a husband. And I will handle this as a husband. Okay, should I be recording this? Am I in trouble now? Am I gonna be audited? Are you really trying to turn this around? You sleep with my wife, you fire her and tell me... Excuse me. Nobody was talking about sleeping... Oh, gosh. I'm sorry. Have I offended you? No, I'm just trying to figure out what I should feel bad about, buddy. Well, try this on for size. You don't want to make me your enemy. And you certainly don't want Alicia and me together. Okay, good to know. I'm hanging up now. I have a business to run. Yeah, let's see how that goes. We need to get the offices painted. Yeah, but one office at a time so we can still move in tomorrow. - What about the furniture? - I'll get on that. Wait, wait, wait. We got a problem. Just got back from our offices. Ran five blocks. The Department of Health just closed down - the building for fumigation. - What? Yeah, they got an anonymous tip there was a vermin infestation. - So, when can we move in? - Two months. - Oh, God, you're kidding! - What? - We need a place right now. - It's Will. It's David Lee. His fingerprints are all over it. Wait, how did they even know where we were going? We got to delay our opening. We wait the two months - until they're done. - No, we go now. They want us to wait. Screw them. Okay, so where do we work? Thank you, Your Honor. - That's all we need. - Mom? Grace, what's going on? It's my Bible study from Campus Faith. What's going on here? Uh, my firm. We have to work here a few days. Yes, that's right, Your Honor. Governor-Elect Florrick's office. Oh, hi, Patricia. I didn't know we had a meeting. We don't. I just wanted to inform Peter about some events today. Alicia being fired? She wasn't fired. She was asked to leave early. She was planning to exit the firm to start her own... But it's my understanding that you slapped Alicia with a restraining order. I didn't have anything... I'm no longer involved with strategy at Lockhart/Gardner. But you're in court this afternoon defending the restraining order. As a formality. Eli, is this going to impact the judgeship? Diane, we are not in the business of letting personal concerns affect our professional decisions. You're sure? I'm sure. We're fine. Don't worry. Let's kill them now and get it over with. The Honorable Judge James Chase residing. This is a matter of a restraining order, is that correct? Yes, Your Honor, we have a motion... Yeah, that instills confidence. And this is a motion to suppress? Yes, Your Honor. There has been no tortious interference of trade here. The court is taking sides in a legally proper splitting of firm assets. Your Honor, we wish this were all legally proper, but the attorneys who intend to split off have made improper avowals... Excuse me. We have not. In fact, it has been the position of the plaintiff... - Sit down and let him speak! - No, you sit down. We have just as much right... I have laryngitis today. And I need everyone to quiet down. Your Honor, if we could call a witness to the stand to speak to the defense's lies? No, I won't. What? We discussed this. And I've changed my mind. Yeah. That instills confidence. Let's go right here, you little piece... That's enough. Now, do you have a witness or not? Oh, we have a witness. Now, you were intending to leave with the other Lockhart/Gardner attorneys, isn't that right? Yes. And what made you change your mind? I thought that they were lying to the clients they wanted to take. Wow, an exact imitation of the language you need. - Objection! - Sustained. Restrain yourself, ma'am. And how did they lie to clients? They said that the partners didn't have their best interests at heart. They pursued the clients for months before they left, and then they said only they could offer continuity of service on their cases. And how do you know this? I was with them. No further questions. Thank you. Beth, what did Lockhart/Gardner offer you today? Objection. Vague. Thank you. I'll clarify. Did anyone at Lockhart/Gardner offer you a promotion in the last 12 hours? Objection, Your Honor. Relevance. Seems relevant to me. She's trying to find out if you bought her testimony. Did you, Beth, get offered any promotion in the last 12 hours? Well... Here's the thing. I was offered a partnership eight months ago. And then, now that one of the partners is leaving, I have been offered her position. And who offered you this partnership? Mr. Gardner. I see. Not exactly 30 pieces of silver. Objection, Your Honor! In the absence of testimony to the contrary, I'm keeping the restraining order in place. - Your Honor! - No. The status quo will hold until I can get a fuller hearing. But the status quo means that Lockhart/Gardner can lobby Chumhum? Of course, we can. It's our client. A client intending to leave, Your Honor. Yes, and if they intends to leave, they'll leave. In the meantime, the status quo holds. The restraining order stays in place. We're going to starve you. You really can't handle the competition. That wasn't competition. You were going behind our backs. That's right. Walk away, Judas. We're coming after you. All your clients. Every single one we worked to make happy while you swept in at the last minute to take credit. We're taking them. And then you know what you'll have? A very nice suite of offices. Wow. That was amazing. Who got burned in Will's bribery scandal? Which judges? Parks, Dunaway, Winter. Why? Winter... He's in court now. What are you doing? Just talk about the privacy lawsuit. Don't obviously sell us. Make it seem like it's a given he's with us. I'll talk about the philosophy of the law. No, Howard, just nod and look like you agree. Lockhart/Gardner! How we doing? Mr. Gross, my brother. How are you, sir? Good. Nice to see you guys. Why don't you come on up to my office? All right. Hello! Sorry to bother you again. Will Gardner? David Lee? You gotta be kidding me. Here's a restraining order preventing you from meeting with any representative of Chumhum. Okay, I'm going back to work. Come see me when you've worked this out. It's her, isn't it? Yep. It's an order from Judge Winter. Ah, time to play hardball. All right, thank you very much. The restraining order worked. They cannot meet with Chumhum. Yes! Okay, where are we on clients? Originally we had 12. We're down to four. Three. We lost Paisley. I think we should talk to Bishop. No, that's a bad... He's a Lockhart/Gardner client. He's fair game. - What's wrong with Bishop? - He's the top drug dealer in town. So? It's a lot of money. We said we'd never go there. I agree with you. Hi. What's going on? Oh, hey, Mom. Uh, I was just telling Carey - about our study group. - Really? Yes. I should get going back. It was nice meeting you, Grace. You, too. Oh, but try it out. - You'll like it, the Daily App. - I will. What's that? Uh, the Daily App? Just daily Scripture readings. Ah. What did I do wrong? Nothing. Why don't you get back to your homework? Okay, Mom. One minute. Peter, what are you doing? I came over to see how you were doing. You heard. Yes, I heard. That's not the reaction I was expecting. I thought you'd be out on some ledge somewhere. Oh, no, we're too busy kicking ass. Look at you. You look like you're 25 years old. Fresh out of law school. Ready to, um... Ready to, um, conquer the world. Okay, but we have to be quick. Sorry, there's no time for that. We've got ten minutes. Otherwise, they're gonna start making some bad decisions out there. Oh, okay. We wouldn't want that. Is this what they mean by "leaning in?" - You want me to lean in? - Ah! How's that? I so... deeply respect you... as a professional. ♪ I wasn't born a beauty queen, but I'm okay with that... ♪ Hey. Hawaii's gonna have to wait. Well, I thought as much. Once we're up and running. ♪ Everybody's doing it, so why the hell should I? ♪ There's nothing fairer. Everybody gets a shot. We drop our restraining orders? We both do. We get an hour each with Neil Gross to pitch our services. Whoever wins, wins. Hi, Alicia. And Will and David Lee agree to this deal? It's not a deal. And yes, they do. We drop our restraining orders, and tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m., you go in. 11:00 a.m., we go in. No, we go second. We can work with that. As long as we compromise. Oh, look, it was really good to see you all. I should, uh, probably have an answer for you by this afternoon. Don't forget... The law is a bitch of a mistress. Ready for you guys. Lesson for the future. Don't go second. So, hit me with it. Well, sir, Lockhart/Gardner's a firm without its worker bees. We should know. We're the bees. Uh, we... we looked at the way you started Chumhum, Mr. Gross, and you rewarded work over show. That's exactly what we plan to do. Reward work. Billable hours, they won't be applied as partner hours unless you actually receive partner hours. You're not gonna... Okay, guys, thanks, but, um, I'm not going with you. Why not? Because of you. The governorship should work for me, not against me. Your husband, ma'am, has promised the most ethical administration in Illinois history. I can't have my law firm jumping at every ethical shadow that comes down the pike. - We won't. - Yes, you will. It's the way the world works. Politics leads. The law follows. But, uh, thank you. And I wish you the best of luck with your new firm. What just happened? Our firm just went down the drain. I offered her managing partner. I offered her Diane's job. Alicia? Yes. She could've been managing partner at one of the top firms in the city, and she pisses it all away. I don't understand that. She wanted to do something on her own. With Cary? That's not on her own. Will, I know you're hurting, but she's not the enemy here. When did you really know she was doing this? Leaving? A week ago. And Cary? Three months ago. I should've told you, Will. Kalinda, I'm building this firm into the biggest in the country, starting today. And I need to know who I can trust. You can trust me. Are you sure? Because I'm going to destroy the competition. Can you do that? Yeah. Good. Good morning. The pension problem in Illinois is real and increasingly insurmountable. After inauguration, this is the first issue I intend to address, and I'm asking the Republicans and Democrats to join me in a bipartisan conversation to find solutions. The status quo is not an option. Not anymore. - Are you going to negotiate? - There will be no questions at this time. Uh, just one other matter. I want to talk about taxation of Internet commerce. Internet purveyors have, for far too long, in my opinion, enjoyed the benefits of no taxation. I find this to be unfair. I'm not saying that my opinion won't change on this matter, and, of course, I'm always open to dialogue, but I will have to be convinced that there is a reason for massive social networking companies not to carry their own weight. Thank you. Did you just do what I think you did? I'm simply stating my opinion about the taxation of Web commerce. Peter, you can't be doing that. It'll come back to bite us. You worry too much, Eli. I want to talk about taxation of Internet commerce. Hey. Hey, did you see this? Internet purveyors... Alicia's husband just said it. It's right here. Have, for far too long, in my opinion, enjoyed the benefits of no taxation. I find this to be unfair. Oh, my God. I'm not saying that my opinion won't change on this matter. Damn it. What? What is it? We just lost Chumhum. What are you talking about? The governor-elect just threatened them with a big stick. He can't do that. Neil Gross, please. It's Will Gardner. Well, when will he back in? I want to thank you guys for giving me a chance to think it over. I-I'm thrilled to come with your firm. We're thrilled, too, sir. And maybe I'll have a chance to meet your husband at some point, Mrs. Florrick. I know he has an open mind on our tax burden. He would love that. Great. One second! One second! Congratulations to Florrick, Agos Associates. Yes! Yes! We are now a firm. We've got a $35-million-a-year client. Oh, thank you, thank you. All we need now is office space, some more lawyers... - Stationery, assistants. - And computers. But we got to celebrate the good news when it comes because there's gonna be a lot of bad news. Wow, talk about negative. All right, all right, everybody raise their glasses. To Florrick, Agos Associates. Oh... Hear, hear! Hear, hear! Eli, come in for a sec, will you? Yes? Yeah, would you do me a favor and put together... a list of other Supreme Court justice nominees? Instead of Diane? Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. - Just give me some time. A little time. - Yeah. Cut, print. Beautiful. Jack, you good? - Yeah, she's good. - All right, check the gate. Moving on. Okay, Jean Marie. - Did you hear about the strike coming up? - No. - No? There's not gonna be too much work around. - No. - Be a good time to have a friend like Jack. - I got it. - Excuse me. - Yeah, l-- - No, I got it. You going to the bar tonight? How about a drink? - Hey, that looked so good. - Thanks. - You okay? - Yeah, I'm good. - You all right? All right. - Good job, Sam. - My turn? - Yeah, so we'll just place you right in here and-- - With all that glass? - Well, we'll sweep it out a little bit, but that's your deal. And then you just exit frame, and that's the shot. - Is this a close-up? ¶ ¶ - Whoo! - ¶ He left and flew overseas ¶ - Can I get a beer and two shots of vodka? - Sure. - Excuse me. - Hi. - Hi. - Hi. - What can we get you? - Uh... Coke and-- - Ice? - Ice? - Ice. - I've already done my laundry. - Hey, hey, hey, hey. Can we get a drink? - You're kind of cute. - Yeah, we'll give it to you on the house. Whiskey? - Neat. - Neat. - Thank you. - Thank you. - Thank you. - ¶ I'm proud of who I am ¶ ¶ This is where I'm going ¶ - Two shots. - Two vodkas. - You're not drinking with her, are you? - Here's your beer. - ¶ Settled down in the Midwest ¶ - Yeah. Here's-- - Whoo! - I'll bring yours back. That's not-- No, l-- - Whoa! - Did you see that? - What are you doing to our girl, man? - Miss B. - Come on. Let's behave, girls. Yeah. Good night, baby. - I'm gonna grab some air. Cover for me? - Yeah, I got you. - You mind if I join you? - I don't care. - You handled yourself pretty good in there. - Probably right out of a job. - I handle female fighters, and I'd like to talk to you. - I think you got something. I can see it in your eyes. - That's a lame pickup line. What color are my eyes? - Blue... with a little touch of hazel. - You seem like a really nice guy. I'm just not interested. - Okay. There's a lot of money to be made, if you're interested. - Hey, you want to come in for a drink? - I used to manage Sonya Sorenson, Tucker Ramirez. I've been in this business for years. It used to be just entertainment. Now with this phenomenon of female fighting, it's gotten really compet-- - Can you just cut to the chase? - You see, there are these special fights in private high-class locations. - How much? - $500 to $1,000 for the prefights. - How many? - One, two, sometimes three. Not much time in between. There are only three rounds. - What's the catch? - None. See, there are whole circuits all around the country-- different cities, different places, really affluent people. Major money. Look, you think about it. If you're interested, meet me at 9969 Meadows Lane, off the 7. Wear workout clothes. Let's say at 2:00 p.m.? - How many fighters do you manage now? - I'm rebuilding. - Hey. Slide over. Trust me. - Whoa, whoa! Hey, Sonny, it's been a while. - Hey. - Hey, what can I do for you? - I'm hear to see Refugio. - And I don't remember seeing your name on the list. - Um, why don't you just tell Lilly that I'm here, okay? Look at the girl I brought. - You're okay. - Thank you. - Come here, sweetheart. - If I win, does that mean I get to be on top? - Otra vez, otra vez, Refugio. - Take a breather, hon. Take a breather. Aw, Sonny. - How you doing, big boy? How are you? - How did you get in here? - I crawled in between a couple of rocks. Listen, I got someone I'd like you to look at. - Card's full, man. I got no more room. Maybe at the end of the day. You know what? - No, no, this one, okay? Just do me a favor. Have a look at her. Come on. Hey, don't forget how you got this job. - Aw, man, you always use that one. Come on. - I'm not hearing. I'm not listening. Just have a look, all right? - All right. - Okay, good. - Come on, Maxine. Let's go. Come into me. - Okay, get ready. Warm up. - Duck. Come on, concentrate, honey. Duck. Come on. Here, go again. Back up. All right, good. Keep breathing. Next girl. - Cindy Martinez. - Okay. Cindy Martinez! Cindy Martinez. Cindy Mart-- - Right here, right here. Cindy, come on. Follow my lead, okay? - Are you kidding me? - Yeah. It's either now or never. Come on. Come on. - Hold on a minute. Name? - Cindy Martinez. All right. - Okay, Cindy. - Let's see what you can do, Miss Cindy Martinez. Okay, listen. You come on. You got a couple different punches. You got your jab. You got your cross. Hook, hook. Uppercut, uppercut. Start off with just a jab. Jab, cross. Jab, cross. Jab, cross, hook, hook. Jab, cross, hook, hook. Nice. Give me a combo, whatever you can. Hey. Okay, uh-- - What do you think? - Where did you find her? - She was working at a bar. - Okay. Does she know what she's getting into? Did you tell her? - Kind of. You always say that too. - Who really cares as long as she gets me to The Show? - Okay. - Where's your sister? - Leave that one out of here, and I'll help her out. Let's see. - Sonny? - All right, Miss Martinez. - Sonny, where are you? Where have you been? How do I look? - Oh, Lilly, Lilly. You look exquisite. I need a favor. You see the blonde lady in there? I need you to okay her. - Watch your wrist. There you go, again. All right. Good. - Refugio. - Nice. Hold it. Hang on. Hey, come here. You've just been cleared for your first fight. Congratulations. - You sure I'm ready? - You're ready enough for the girl you'll be fighting. This is a test of will, not talent. Good luck. Refugio. - Samantha. - Good luck. Have a good one. Okay, next girl. - Nasha, we got Nasha. - Hello. - Hi. - Delighted. - What about me? - Back to your place. - Niña necia. Cállate ya! - Okay. Póngase rápido. Vamos. We can do it. - I don't think any of these girls are in your league. You got nothing to worry about, baby. - I'm not worried. - I'm gonna take care of some business. I'll talk to you later. - Okay. Bye. - I'll see you. - Look, if you don't buy it, just call it in. All right, this is good. It's just a prefight, nothing to worry about much. If you win, the odds will go up. That's all. - Sonny. Wow. You still hanging out around here? I thought they had the place exterminated. Hello, darling. It's my pleasure. - Why don't you take a hike, Nedish? - Why don't you show some manners and introduce me to this lovely lady, please? - Sam, this is Nedish. Nedish, this is Sam. Just another fight promoter. - Not just another fight promoter but the best, actually. At your service. - I'm Samantha. - Sam, we have to go. Nice to see you. - You too, Sonny. - Die. - I'll see you soon, Sam. - How do you know that guy? - He's a very dangerous man, Nedish. Long story. Where have you been? You're late. - Do you have a car? - It's another long story. Come on. - Come on, baby. Stay in the fight. - She's out. - Who's your daddy now? Whoo! - You're next. All right, no biting, no poking in the eyes. Back to your corners. - Come on, ref, separate them. Come on, baby, take them back. Take--take them back. - Roll her over. Roll her over. Choke her. - Put your hooks in. Put your hooks in. - That's pretty good, girlie. Looks like you got a star. 9, 10, 11, 12. Let's pack it up, babe. - Hey. How do you feel? - Felt okay. Are all these fights so wild and unpredictable? - Well, this was a little sloppy, disorganized. Ref was useless. But just look at it like a test. They get a lot harder when the fighters are more experienced. It's not a bad day. - I just made 1,200 bucks? - Yeah. Now, go home and get some rest. Do a little run in the morning. Here's the address for tomorrow. If we win, we go on. If we lose... You still up for it? - Yeah. - Good. See you. - Sam, is that you? Hi, honey. - Hey, Ma. I made a lot of money tonight. - Oh, really? Great. That bar must be jumping, huh? - Yeah. I'm gonna grab some sleep. I'm really tired. Good night. - Hey, how's that new girl working out? - Oh, she's... A lot of fun. She's great. - Good. - Good night. - Night, honey. Sweet dreams. - She's out. - Not a bad day at the office. - I can't believe that call. - Good job, baby. - Nedish wants to see you. - Sure, I'll see you then. You know what's gonna happen if you're late, right? Thank you. Thanks. Bye-bye. Mm. Hey, baby. Hello, Sam. How are you? It's nice to see you. - Hi. - Please take a seat. Do you mind giving us a few minutes, baby, waiting in the car? - Excuse me? - Do you mind giving us a couple minutes, please, Mona? Wait in the car, please, and I'll talk to you in a minute or two, okay? Please. It's okay. I'll see you in a minute. It's okay. I'll see you in a minute, Mona. Please, Sam. Nice fight. You were really, really good. - Thanks. - My pleasure. Well, this may be a little premature, but I think you need a new manager. - You think so? - Come on, Sam. He's an old-time manager. He's over the hill. He will never, ever get you into The Show, where the real money is, so yes, I think so. I know you need the money. Okay? I know that. There isn't a girl who gets in that ring that doesn't need the money. So just do me a favor and think about it. It's life-changing. Okay? Besides, I'm the one who runs things around here, okay? These opportunities will come, and they will go. - Hey! Hey! Hey, Nedish. Look, I'll decide if she's ready or not. - I think the lady can make that decision for herself. And right about now, I believe I'm her best bet. - No, thanks. Come on, Sam. - Wait a second. The Show? - That's right. - We're not interested. - I can speak for myself. - Well, here you go, Sam. Give me a call. I'd like to hear from you. Listen to me, cowboy. I think it's time you went and got yourself a new suit. Okay? I'll see you. - Here. - $500? That's it? Tell me about The Show. - The Show? You want to know about The Show? Do you understand what you're getting yourself into? This is a classic move. This is what he does. Okay? He uses people. He takes inexperienced fighters to assure his fighters a place in The Show. - She still would have to beat me, though, for a lot more money, more money than what you could get me. - He got to you. I knew it. I could smell it. Look, Sam, I am trying to build you into a fighter, okay? The fightings up till now have been easy. But come on. I know you have some talent, but Nedish? - Have you ever even been to The Show? - You know what Nedish does? Nedish creates wedges. He fixes fights. He does that for a living. - Hey, Sonny. - I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. - Is everything all right? - Yeah. I've seen he and his brother do it, okay? And I don't trust him. So just be patient. Exactly. Why should they take me? Why do you want to be a lawyer? Just-- don't think, tell me. - My dad. - Okay. Why? Do you remember when I told you that, when I was a little girl, people would just tell him how smart he was? Right, it had nothing to do with him being black or white, he was just amazing. And I want to be amazing too. You are. Am I? Because every time I sit down at that keyboard, I think, "I'm a paralegal. That's all I've ever been. That's all I'll ever be." Did I ever tell you about my interview with Harvey? No... But I'm assuming it went well. He laughed me out of the room. - Are you kidding? - No, I'm not. He basically told me I didn't even belong in the interview. He actually told me to leave. What did you do? I decided I didn't give a shit what the other applicants had that I didn't. If I was going through that door, he'd have to pick me up and throw me out. You must have said something. Yeah. Yeah, I told him I'd be the best damn lawyer he'd ever seen. I wish I could have been a fly on that wall. Yeah, you have no idea. What the hell is wrong with you? Me? You tried to settle with Daniel. You're damn right I did. Did you read what happened in that deposition? I don't care what happened in that deposition. I do. You're out of control. What did you just say to me? Mike Ross wasn't ready for this. - He volunteered. - He went to see Monica Eton. You've done the same. I'm a senior partner, not an associate. Me to you, you to him. Fine. You want to know why he went to see Monica? I'm sure you're gonna tell me. Because he doesn't know the idea to stir her up against Daniel was yours in the first place. He doesn't need to know. So you don't trust him with that, but you trust him to go up against Daniel himself. He came to me with a way to put us back in a position to win Folsom Foods. Well, it failed. We're behind on both. - Excuse me. - Mike. I just wanted to apologize to you both for yesterday. It was a good idea, just didn't have the right execution. - What are you saying? - I'm saying it was a good idea, but the questions were being asked of the wrong person. Three on one. All for a deposition of little, old me. Would you be more comfortable over there, where your old desk used to be? No need. We won't be here long. Our confidentiality agreement prohibits most questions. Actually, it only prohibits disclosures. We can ask you any question that any lawyer who hadn't signed a non-disclosure agreement could ask. We just can't make statements. I'm sure if you were to ask Judge Henderson, say, out by his pool, he would agree. There's no court reporter here. I thought you might want to talk off the record. If you ask me anything about embezzlement, I'll deny it. If you bring any proof forward, it's a violation of our non-disclosure. That's why we won't be asking about your embezzlement. We'll be asking you about your affair with Monica. And if you lie about that, we won't be the ones who need to come forward with proof. Because we found six people working at the hotel who are willing to provide it. No, you didn't. Room service, concierge, housekeeping. You really should tip better, Daniel. Maybe you want a cigarette? Remind you of the woman you cheated on. Go ahead. Ask your questions. Did you have an affair with Monica Eton while you were employed at Pearson Hardman? Yes, I did. Any other questions? I think we're good. Yep. You got me to embarrass myself. But you already did that, the day you told everyone in the office about my affair with Monica. You and you. Yeah, I know what you told Monica about Jessica not knowing. But take a good look. She was behind it. Who needs a cigarette now? And as far as my admission goes? You're still the one who fired her, 24 hours after you found out. That's what a jury's gonna focus on. Nobody's gonna care about what I did. You piece of shit. There's the fire I helped nurture. You didn't nurture a goddamn thing. You don't teach. You don't inspire. You don't mentor. All you do is betray. Like you betrayed me at that last vote. - How dare you. - How dare I what? You were more than happy to help out when it served your purposes. I voted the way I did the second I realized it was all a lie. And look how it turned out. You're a senior partner now. You're welcome. You think I give a shit? I think that's all you ever cared about. You know what I cared about? Monica. She was so smart and so beautiful. And I knew she was out of my league, but I kept trying because I just thought if she just got to know me-- and then I found out that whole time she was-- - With me. - Yeah. With you. Why are you telling me this? I want you to know exactly what it is that you twisted, so you know exactly what it was that put me over the edge. Are you threatening me, Louis? Threatening you? No, I'm telling you. You ever do anything to me ever again, you ever so much as tell me the incorrect time, I'll kill you. I will rip your smug face off your fat neck, and I'll kill you. You here to depose me again? Didn't go too well for you last time. No, I'm here to say I'm sorry. You were right... about Jessica. You really didn't know it was her. Welcome to the world. Stings, doesn't it? Yeah. It does. So you came all the way here just to tell me you're sorry? No, I didn't. Jessica was wrong to fire you, but she didn't fire you because you're a woman. She fired you because she didn't trust you. - I know that. - So then you also know that keeping this suit alive is sticking it to her. That's the whole point. No, the whole point is that she's not the only one you're sticking it to. What I said about Louis Litt is factually accurate. And if you think I'm gonna drop the case because of him, I'm-- I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about the 113 women who are suing Folsom Foods right now for gender discrimination. Those cases are their own thing. They're being told they can't get where they want because they're not good enough. That has nothing to do with me. Who's being naive now? He's using your suit to drive us into the ground, and driving us into the ground means losing these cases. What do you want? Just read these files. Decide for yourself. These women deserve to be treated the same way you were? What makes you think I would even care? I'm naive, remember? Mike Ross went to see Monica Eton again. - At your direction? - On his own. Goddamn kid. He's another you. Not exactly. He went to apologize for lying to her the first time. - He didn't lie. - No. We did. Like the two of you lied to me about him being a lawyer? How about we call it even? It's nowhere near even. - Isn't it? - What's this? He got her to settle. - There wasn't an offer. - There is now. This does not get us off easy. Hell of a lot less than $15 million. - She doesn't deserve a dime. - Doesn't matter. I was right to fire her. That's not what this is about, and you know it. He made me look like a fool with her then, and he's made me look like a fool with her now. No one cares what he said in that deposition. You think I give a shit about what he said in that deposition? I meant getting me to sign that agreement. You can't win every move. I should have seen it coming. You made a decision under the gun. - I let him put me there. - We beat him because you kept your cool when I wanted to lose mine. Keep your cool now, sign this agreement, and let's beat him again. You look happy. So do you. The pressure's off. No more essay. - You finished it. - I had a breakthrough. Uhoh. What was it? I'm a paralegal. Rachel, please tell me that that doesn't-- No, I don't-- I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean it in a great way. Do you know what the length of an average corporate lawyer's career is? 30 years. Wrong. - Whoa! - Because they hate it. Not me. I've been here longer than 75% of our associates, and I love it. Which means when you get out, you won't be disillusioned. No. I'll be unleashed. And that's what I told them in my essay. In other words... You're gonna be the best damn lawyer they've ever seen. - I'm going to Harvard. - You really are. Yeah. Yeah. What? Oh, nothing. It just--just hit me. You're not gonna be here anymore. I mean, you'll-- you know, you'll be there. Boston. Cambridge. I guess I'll just have to get used to that. I guess I'll have to get used to that too. You going home? Unless there's something pressing? - No, I was just gonna, uh-- - Hey, what happened here? What are you talking about? - It's off. - Looks fine to me. It isn't. Wait a second. Your eye for detail? One record askew, and I don't hear the end of it for a week. You scratched my Miles Davis. It was me. - What were you thinking? - I was pissed. - You're so emotional. - I lost my cool. - You shouldn't have done that. - I know. I shouldn't have hit Hardman. - You didn't. - I did. - When? - Right before Jessica's depo. - Closed fist? - Open palm. - Bitch slap! - Damn straight. How'd it feel? Good enough that I did it again. Look at you. You're beautiful. You have a date? As a matter of fact, I do. Bitter and barren, my ass. Someone special? You never know. Could be the one. Oh, and why don't you go ahead and take that damn name down. You keep showing up here, Laura's gonna kick your ass. Oh, you'd be surprised at the strength of a jealous woman. She has nothing to worry about. Once again, I guess you're not here to ask for a favor. You want to know who Daniel is? Read his own words. He's not the first man to have an affair. Maybe the first to turn around and sue his former colleagues for his own actions. That's all you have? Tip of the iceberg. Believe me, he will turn on you if you let him in. No one's letting him in. He's a contractor. He's not a partner, he's not of counsel, he's not an associate. I'm telling you, kick him off of Folsom Foods. Don't let him in your house. And I just told you, he's not in my house. You're in my house. What if our houses were the same? Oh, now. You're moving pretty fast. I told you, my wife's the jealous type. You offered a merger once. Let's settle these cases, get it done. You hate him that much? Yes or no? Here's the problem. Merger looked good before, but now we have you on the ropes. So when Pearson whatever goes under, we'll pick up the pieces for free. You do not have us on the ropes. Oh, you'll get it tomorrow. We're filing to try seven different cases in seven different jurisdictions all at the same time. - Rocket docket. - Yeah. It was Daniel's idea. He'll see you in court. == sync, corrected by elderman == (BREATHING HEAVILY) JOE: Most people think that wars start with a bang. They don't. They start with the smallest things. People who've been kicked around, tired of putting up with it, pretty soon they get angry, like dry kindling stacking up, just waiting for a spark. And once it starts, it burns so bright that all they can see is fire. After a while, they go blind... killing because it's the only thing they remember how to do. (GUNSHOT) And it all starts with just one spark. Whatcha doing for recess? I don't know. Probably play some baseball. You're the worst baseball player I ever seen. At least I don't throw like a girl. I saw a girl throw 100 Miles an hour on TV yesterday. Bullshit! She struck a major leaguer out in three pitches. Whose bus is that? I think it's Jefferson's bus. (LAUGHTER) Hey. Watch this. (GLASS BREAKS) (GIRL SCREAMING) Are you okay? Somebody please help us! (TIRES SCREECH) It's gonna be okay. Okay. (CRYING) MAN: Kids, calm down. Everybody take it easy. It's okay. Christ. It's okay. It's gonna be okay. Stay in your seats. It's gonna be okay. (CRYING CONTINUES) (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ It's the car show ♪ it's the car show ♪ who want to test me? ♪ Hit me slow, ride the show, drop top ♪ ♪ big rims and car full of hos ♪ ♪ my f-150 is sick, it comes with me ♪ ♪ lower the bed in the back, air bags, don't tempt me ♪ ♪ don't tempt me, mother ♪ I'm in venice, my car should be in venice ♪ ♪ 'cause it pack more punch than popeye eating' spinach ♪ ♪ and did I mention got a chromed-out engine? ♪ ♪ think this interior will change a judge's decision ♪ ♪ and my Cadillac deville got a customized grille ♪ (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS, MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING) Mmm. Ohh. Let me just give you a little piece. Oh, no, no. Not me. Come on. No. Why not? Stop. It's good. 'Cause I already look like I'm gonna give birth to a calf. Oh! It's okay, sweetheart. You can get as big as you want. Mm-hmm. That's the beauty of motherhood. After you have the baby, you can eat anything you want for at least a year. (LAUGHS) Anything? Anything! And nobody can say anything to you... No. 'cause you just had a baby. Yeah, that's right. I like that. It's like a free pass. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's right. Embrace your womanly fullness. Yes, exactly. Just cook well, look good. I'm gonna cook you when we get home. Ohh! (LAUGHTER) Girl, eat this cake. Enjoy it. Oh, okay. One bite. (LAUGHTER) Morning, Joe. Where's mom? She's at work. How'd you sleep? Okay. Come here. Come here. Go get me some coffee. Ahh. Perfect. (DOOR OPENS) MAN: Joe! Hey. You're missing a hell of a crazy time in the kitchen. Girls are talking about strollers. Wouldn't want to miss that, huh? You want a beer, man? Yeah, sure. (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS, MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING) Hey. Hi. (CHUCKLES) Picked up some nice loot tonight, huh? I did. But, uh, I'm still waiting for my last present. (CHUCKLES) Whatever do you mean? (CHUCKLES) You know what I mean. Refresh my memory. Come on. Okay. Where the hell is my poem? Oh, that. Yeah, that. Read it to me. Not happening. Oh, come on! No, no, no. You're not the boss of me. Gosh... a husband who won't read a poem to his own wife. You wrote this? Yeah. It's beautiful. Just like you. Mm. (SIGHS) Come on. (LAUGHS) Are you sure you should be doing this? I'm sure. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) Oh, my God. I'm dizzy. I know. Me too. Ohh. You all right? It's just... you know. I know. It's gonna be fine. MAN: Interest rates are starting to climb, and I keep thinking I totally missed the boat. People are making a killing out there right now. Yeah, tell me about it. I mean, everything's getting so expensive. Sarah and I have are looking at a few places on the southside. It seems like it's the only spot left that's even affordable. All right. I want you to inhale. (INHALES SHARPLY) Now let it all out. (JOINTS CRACK) Come on, man! Let me fucking go! Fight your way out, you little bitch. Quit fucking around, Beto. Fuck! Show me what you got, and I'll let you go. Fucking... Shit fucking hurts. Fucking pussy. It's not funny. Fucking dicks. Hey, ray. Let's go take a breather, huh? Grab a bite at Mike's. Sorry, Jake. I want to get through these files before tonight. That the same kid you pulled up on the Jacobson case? Yeah. You got to give that a rest, man. Guy's invisible. Couple of stints in juvie. Totally clean after that. He's careful. But you can't stay careful forever. Not when you're that young. Don't work too hard. You're making us look bad. (CHUCKLES) Take it easy, Jake. (DOGS BARKING) (WOLF-WHISTLES) How you feeling today, baby? It itches. Hey, don't scratch it. (SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE) Hey, I want to ask you something real important. And you can't tell mom, okay? Okay. Who threw that bottle at your bus? I-I wasn't looking out the window 'cause I was playing with my friend Patty. Did any of your little friends see anything? Joey... Joey Perez... he said that he saw them. He say what they look like? There was three boys. Yeah. Hey, this is real important, mami. Did he see anything else? He said that they made a sign. It looked like this. It was like this? Mm-hmm. Good girl. Look in my pocket. (CHUCKLES) Hey, you don't tell mom, okay? Go play with your friends. It's the kings. SARAH: This is it. Looks pretty nice, don't you think? Yeah, it's not too bad. (EXHALES SHARPLY) But what? The neighborhood? Yeah. Come on, babe. It's a beautiful house. Okay, so our neighbors aren't members of a country club, but you and I could make it feel like home. Okay. Let's go take a look. Okay! Do you have the keys? Well, she said it's open. Okay. I'll be right there. Okay. (GUNSHOT) Sarah, get in the house... right now! (GUNFIRE) Oh, my... Aaaaah! (GUNFIRE CONTINUES) Ugh! (WOMAN VOCALIZING) JOE: Come on. Just please stay with me. It's okay. I'm gonna get us some help. You just... Just hang in there. Come on! There's been a shooting. I need an ambulance right away! 1124 5th street. Hurry! Come on, baby. Just stay with me. It's gonna be all right. Just hang in there. Come on. Come on! You can do it. It's gonna be all right. (FOOTSTEPS) Mr. Montoya, I'm really sorry. (EXHALES SHARPLY) No. (CRYING) (BABY CRYING) Mr. Montoya, I'm Detective Gonzalez. I'm very sorry about your wife. I'm sorry, but I-I need to ask you some questions. Did you happen to get a look at the shooters? Yeah, I saw their faces. Clear as day. Could you identify them? Could you identify the shooters? Were they white, black? There were three of them. One was white, two hispanic. Could you pick them out if I showed you some pictures? (GUNFIRE) I don't know. Take it easy. You remember anything, give me a call. Anytime. That's a nice bag. Fuck you. Fuck me? Fuck you. (THUD) (IMITATING GUNFIRE) Come here. Ah, good boy. Strong. You see? That's right. (IMITATING GUNSHOTS) Get out of here. Go play outside. So how much from last night? Not bad. Not bad. The old bitch tried to fight back. (CHUCKLES) Yeah? What did do? I beat her ass. She's gonna think of me every time she looks in the mirror, Holmes. Connie, dos cervezas. That's fucked up, what happened the other day. Lady you wasted. Bitch was at the wrong place at the wrong time. That's it? Shit happens. Neighborhood like that, happens all the time. What was I supposed to do? Motherfucker had a gun pointed at me. Man, life's hard. You either learn to survive or you don't. It's that simple. (SIGHS) You injured your back and your shoulder lifting a box. Approximately how much did it weigh? 40 or 50 pounds. If you were to rate the pain from 1 to 10, what number would you give it? I don't know... 10. 10? Yeah. And right now, it's a...? It's a 10. Maybe I'm not making myself clear. 10 is the most pain you can feel before you pass out. It's like holding your hand over an open flame. That's a 10. Hmm. 9.5. About 45 degrees. It's pretty tight. Okay, go ahead and take your shirt off, please. You're cured. Excuse me? You just rotated your shoulder more than 100 degrees taking your shirt off. It's a fucking miracle. I don't like treating liars, Mr. Suthers. What's the problem, Joe? These assholes come in here... there's not a goddamn thing wrong with them. And? And it's a state-funded break from work and a lawsuit for easy money. Your job isn't to judge them... it's to treat them. What is this, a fucking day spa? I think I made a mistake in bringing you back this soon. I think you should go take some more time and get your thoughts together before you come back to work. I got to be honest, Martin. I don't know when that's gonna be. Joe? Joe, come on. Open up. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) I know you're in there, man. Come on. Let's go get a beer. It's been forever. He comes in... he comes in the house, and then what did he say? The prick starts talking shit to my girl while I'm standing right there. And what did you do? I fucking broke a 40 on his cabeza. Fuckin' "a." That's pretty tough. What did you say? I said sneaking up behind a guy and clocking him over the back of the head... that's pretty tough. Who the fuck are you? I'm nobody. You trying to make me look fucking stupid? You're doing a pretty good job of it yourself. Stomp this lame, bro. (THUDDING) (GRUNTING) Get up. Stay down. Get up! Now you want to get up, huh? Fuck this lame, bro. (LAUGHS) (SPITS) (GRUNTS) Talk shit again. (BREATHING HEAVILY) (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS, MID-TEMPO HIP-HOP PLAYING) That's some good shit, man. Yeah, man. Save some for me. Man. I'm getting hungry already, man. Know why? You got the munchkins. No, man. Munchies, you dumb shit. Munchkins were those little orange guys. Oh. Yeah, huh? I want one of them. What? What's the matter? I need some romance. Yeah, yeah. You want romance? Anything for you, baby. Look, there's five bitches outside that are ready to party, so... It's your choice. Good girl. Hey, Carol. How you doing? Good. Yeah, hey, um, I want to ask you for a big favor. No. This is a really big favor. Shit's no good. They cut it with something scary. You say that like I'm supposed to give a fuck. Get it sold, and we won't have to worry about it anymore. You try selling that shit to some 15-year-old kid. Talking about junkies, fool, not people. Get it sold by the end of the week. You got it? Don't be getting stupid on me, joker. That's how you end up dead. (KNOCKS) Hello? Lawrence Robinson? Yeah. Do I know you? My name is Joe. I'm here to talk about your son. I've got nothing to say. It hurts, doesn't it? I think you should leave now. What if I told you there was a way to make things right? Get out of my yard before I call the fucking cops. Just think about it. Baby? Mm-hmm? If you had a chance to meet the man who shot will... What would you do? I'd fucking kill him. (SIGHS) (CRYING) Jesus Christ! Please! (BREATHING HEAVILY) Javier, that's not what I want to hear right now. Please, Beto. What I want to hear is, "the money you're looking for is in the drawer over there. Go get it." Another week, I can have it. (BREATHING HEAVILY) That's not what I want to hear, either, so I think you should just stop talking now. (WHIMPERING) (BREATHING HEAVILY) I want you to point. And where you point, I want there to be a roll of cash that says "for Beto." You got it? (WHIMPERS) (BREATHING HEAVILY) You see... Why didn't you just say that in the first place? (GUNSHOT) (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) JOE: They have no respect for the law. They have no respect for property. They have no respect for innocent lives or broken families. These are men that respect only one thing. This. Now, if we want this to stop, we have to talk to them in terms they understand. And what happens when they come back with more guns and a whole army of street thugs? They won't. Am I missing something here? We have two things, and those are gonna make all the difference. Number one, we're smarter than they are. And, number two, they don't know who we are. The first thing we need is a place to work. Someplace isolated. I think I might know of a place. What kind of place? It's an empty warehouse just outside of El monte. Look into it. We only have one rule. We don't shoot people in the back. Do you really think you can do anything? It's been this way for so long. I don't know. But I'm tired of not trying. I can't promise anything except that we're not gonna stop. Where? Thursday, 6:30. I'll show you around. I'll be there. Excuse me. You look familiar. From the hospital. Joe, right? Yeah, that's me. Shame we had to meet like that. Yeah. How've you been? It's been rough. It's hard. A lot of people don't handle it well. I can see why. I've been doing this more than 20 years. I've seen a lot of people get hurt. Must be difficult. You're a good guy, Joe. You have a daughter to live for. Don't forget that. Man, I can't fucking believe it. I mean, you owned that shit! You owned it! Dude, it's all in the body language, man. Excuse me, guys. Got a minute? What the fuck is this? You want us to drop obstruction on you, too? This is fucking bullshit, dawg. Man, these guys ain't got nothing. Hey, shut the fuck up. Get over here. Put your hands up against the wall. Get against the wall. Hands up. That's fucking bullshit, dawg. Nothing, huh? Man, fuck you! No, fuck you! What the fuck kind of cops are you, anyway? Who says we're cops? JOE: Gentlemen. Welcome to judgment day. Up until this point, you've lived your lives taking anything you want... Killing anyone that stands in your way, whether they deserved it or not. But today you get to see what it's like to live like a man. Easy for you to say when you're not handcuffed to a fucking chair. Uncuff him. On these tables are two pistols. They each have three rounds in them. Yours is over there. What the fuck does that mean? Let's go, tough guy. When the projector stops, the game begins. No one here will interfere. If you win, all three of you walk out of here alive. Aaaah! Sit down. Which one? What do you mean, which one? Decide. Why don't you go fuck yourself? (GUNSHOT) No! Now you work for me. We've taken the liberty of placing your fingerprints on various items. They'll be kept nice and safe for you by a friend of mine in the department. Now, if you want to make sure they don't end up at a major crime scene, my suggestion would be you take your responsibility to this crew seriously. Our take is 25% of anything you get from Beto. We'll arrange a time and place for payments. Fuck are you doing? Giving you your stripes. (BUZZING) (GASPS) Thank you. Hi. Hey. Is this seat taken? Go ahead. You're in here a lot. Let me guess. Lawyer? Stockbroker? Must be the suit. No, actually, I'm in the medical field. Just taking some time off. You? I work with kids. That must be nice. Sometimes. So, what made you take a break from medicine? I just needed to think about a few things. Things? Yeah. Things. The mysterious type. No, not really. I'm Jessica, by the way. Joe. Pleasure to meet you, Joe. Likewise. (CELLPHONE VIBRATES) Shit. I'm sorry. I got to run. I'm sure I'll see you around, though. I'll keep an eye out. You should do that. (ENGINE TURNS OVER) How many does that make now? Five. And how long has jaime been gone? About two weeks. Fuck! I already told you everything I know. Last time I saw him was when we left the bucket Friday before last. Who else is missing? Three guys from Tito's crew and one from Johnny's. Joker... I want you to go see their families, anyone who might know something. You got it. This shit ends now. You know they're never out here before 5:00. Just keeping an eye out. Is it wrong to enjoy this, Lawrence? What do you mean? What we're doing with Joe. I mean, somebody needs to do it. Yeah. Every time I see one of those fucking bandidos eat it, I just feel like the world's a little bit better of a place. And I like that feeling. And I kind of feel like maybe I shouldn't. You know, I never really thought about it too much. I just know it's better than sitting back, watching this world go to shit. (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) Moving up in the world, Oscar? Excuse me? Detective Gonzalez. I think you remember me. Got a few questions for you, if you don't mind. Not interested. Word on the street is Beto's boys are vanishing into thin air. I don't know who you're talking about. Someone's moving on your crew. Who? What the fuck do you care? Whoever it is, they're smart, and that's dangerous. If there's a war, people are gonna get hurt. I got nothing to say, detective. In case you change your mind. JESSICA: Hey. Hey. How's it going? It's good. So how's the man of mystery? He's good. I'll tell him you said hi. Thanks. So, what brings you here? You mean besides bothering people who are trying to work? Yeah, besides that. Well, I came to read a book. People still read books? (CHUCKLES) Yeah, some of us. What are you reading? "Beyond good evil." Not exactly a light read. I haven't read it since college. It's kind of interesting to go back and take another look at it. "When power becomes gracious and descends into the visible, such descent I call beauty." They teach you that in med school? Just a favorite quote. So when you're not being bothered by strange women at coffee houses, what do you like to do? Well, actually, I've been doing a lot of reading myself. About what? Justice system. Like criminal law? Sort of. I'm interested in what happens when people decide to take the law into their own hands and how it changes things. Complicated subject. Yeah. Hey, what are you doing tonight? Um, the plan was to go home. But you'd much rather come get dinner with me in Noho, wouldn't you? Yeah, I don't know. I really have a lot of work I need to get done tonight. Oh, come on. Take a break. We'll go get a good steak, talk about some dead philosophers. I promise I'll let you get back to work after that. I didn't know there were any women left in L.A. Who still ate steak. Just watch me. All right. You've convinced me. Good. How does 7:00 sound? I'm gonna get us something to drink. Make yourself at home. It's a beautiful place. Thanks. I hope you like Merlot. PETER: Gentlemen, there are two tables in front of you. On each table is a revolver. Each of these revolvers has three rounds in it. I think you can figure out the rest. These two. When the projector stops... Make your move. (GUNSHOTS) Next? (SIZZLING) Morning. Hey. So, what are you up to in here? I like to call it breakfast. Yours are over there. They get cold if you just stare at 'em. (CHUCKLES) You can sit down to eat. I'll be in in a second. All right. Jessica? Yeah? What exactly do you do with kids? I mean, it looks like you're pretty good at it. Oh, the stuff on the walls? Yeah, they give that to anybody. (CHUCKLES) I work with high-risk kids. So how are they? They're really good. So... Inner-city kids? Yeah, mostly kids with histories of violence or gang activities. That sounds rough. I mean, seeing kids go through that and carrying guns by the time they're 13. Sometimes younger than that. It can be hard, but most of them are really sweet. Yeah. I mean, it's just brutal. And they grow up without a chance. I mean, all because dad wanted to be a gangbanger. It's a totally different world than the one we live in. I mean, staying alive is something they have to think about every day. They're the ones with the guns. It's the innocent people around them that have to live scared because some cholo with a 9 decides he wants to be king for a day. It's not that simple, Joe. I mean, most of these people don't even have a choice. There's always a choice. You choose to pick up a gun and shoot it in places where innocent people can get hurt. Yeah, but some of these kids... they think that's the only way their families will ever be safe. I mean, do you have any idea what that feels like? So they go out and shoot up houses so their families will feel safe? No, they join gangs because... because they feel powerful with a gun. They don't have to worry about the rules. They just take whatever they want. That's not fair of you to say. How many people have you had to bury because some punk with a gun, he wanted to show everyone what a man he was? How can you possibly defend those animals? Because I understand. And they're not a lot different than you or me. Well, I don't know about you, but I never shot a little kid in the back. Hey, ray. Hey. What the fuck happened today? There's press outside. Old couple found the body of a dead Mexican washed up on the beach this morning. Someone important? Positively I.D.'d as Jaime Rodriguez. One of Beto's boys. Bullet hole through his right eye. Fuck. Yeah. You want one? Sure. When'd you get that watch, man? Couple weeks ago. It's really nice. Where'd you get it? My girlfriend bought it for me. Is that real gold? No. For real, where'd your girl get that? I didn't ask. Man... I'd love to know where I could get a watch like that. I can ask her for you. Thanks, man. What the fuck do you want? You've got the wrong guy. Somehow... I don't think we do. Robert ramos. I hope you remember me. 'Cause I sure as hell remember you. Sorry. Not ringing a bell. Well, maybe you remember my son, William, better. William Robinson? The 10-year-old kid you shot in the head? You remember him? (BREATHING HEAVILY) There's two revolvers on these tables. When the projector stops... Draw. If you win, you walk out of here. (GURGLING) (THUD) (GURGLING AND GASPING) ROBERT: (BREATHING HEAVILY) Aah! Aah! Bring him down. What's up, Beto? How's it going? I'm good. Did you want something? How long we known each other, Raul? Shit. Since I was 13. 10 years. In those 10 years, how many other crews have run orange park? None. It's always been the bandits. Word's out there's another crew making moves. You know anything about that? No. And, Raul, I know you wouldn't bullshit me. 'Cause if you did, it'd break my heart. Roll up your sleeve. Roll up your sleeve, Raul. Come on, Beto. This is stupid. Do it. Come on, Beto. This is my barrio, Holmes. You're my brother. Come on, Holmes. You're my brother, Holmes! Come on! (GRUNTING) (BREATHING HEAVILY) Take him to the desert. Make sure you dig deep. (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) Hey, Mr. Montoya. How is she? She's getting a lot stronger every day. She's gonna be ready to come home with you real soon. Hey, thanks, don. No problem. Get some rest, man. Right. Hey. Hi. Thanks for coming. Hey, listen. I said some things the other day that I really regret, and I... it's... it's okay. I just hope I didn't fuck things up between us. I'm a lot more patient than you give me credit for, Joe. I'm glad. There's someone I'd really like for you to meet, if you've got some time. Yeah. I'd like that. Morning, Daniel. I'd like you to meet a friend of mine. This is Joe. He's gonna be sitting in on our meeting today. Is that okay with you? Would you like something to drink? All right. Well, let's get started, then. How old are you? 13. And tell me about your family. What do you want to know? Tell me about your father. I never met him. Why is that? He's in prison. Been there since I was 5. And what about your mom? We don't see her much. Why? All she does is work. She's always tired. Why are you here today? 'Cause I have to be. And why is that? I got caught. Caught doing what? They found a gun in my locker. Why would you bring a gun to school? It's really important that you're honest with me, Daniel. My friend Pablo got hurt real bad a couple weeks ago. How did he get hurt? Some kids beat him up outside of school. Why? I don't know... just did. And so you decided to start bringing a gun to school? Yeah. What were you going to do with that gun? Nothing. Daniel, what were you going to do with that gun? I was gonna hurt 'em. Why would you want to do that? Show them that they can't get away with it. Don't you ever take a break? Not when things get like this. Oh, you mean that cholo that washed up on the beach? Bigger than just that. Nobody's saying much. But something big's going down. Beto's boys are just disappearing. How many? Four that we know of. One of them was that kid they found on the beach. What do you think? Too early to say for sure. Come on, ray. I know you too well for that shit. I think there's another crew moving on Beto... not the usual kind. These guys are smart. And organized. Got anything? Nothing solid. A hunch? A guy named Joe. Joe Montoya. Take it easy, ray. I've got a name for you. Joe Montoya. Yeah, it's solid. It's time to go to war, boys. (WOMAN VOCALIZING) (CELLPHONE VIBRATING) Hello? I'll be right there. Mr. Montoya, this is your daughter. She's beautiful. What's her name? Amy. That's a good name. What's up with the hustle, joker? I got him. Montoya? Yeah. Where? Warehouse in El monte. He'll be there tonight. Tip's solid? Rock-solid. All right, Felix... Call your homies on the east side. Have them meet us there. Joker... Get every vato with a gun over here in an hour. You got it. Someone give me a light. No one comes back till every one of those putos has a bullet in his brain. Send them to hell. Hola, bitches. (GUNFIRE) (WOMAN VOCALIZING) Where the fuck are they? You call them? Nothing. Vamos. Welcome to my world, Beto. Hope your boy can shoot. I know mine can. It's over, Beto. If you think I'm gonna start begging, it's not gonna happen. No. I just want you to remember... Every single person you killed. I want you to remember their face. Cuff him. RAY: If you're looking for a place to take him, I have a suggestion. Take it easy, son. And where would that be? Back of my car. I picked him up for attempted carjacking on my way home. No questions. No traces. He never hurts anyone else... Ever again. Your word? He leaves here, he goes away for a long, long time. Get out. Walk. Just do it. (ENGINE TURNS OVER) JOE: One man can't end a war. All he can do is stop the one that's going on in his heart. People are always gonna be killing each other. That's... The way of the world. The question a man's got to ask himself is... Is he gonna be one of the ones holding a gun... Or one of the ones walking away? (SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (WOMAN VOCALIZING) (SLOW ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING) (MUSIC CONTINUES) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) The match for bedtime Welcome to 2B Blueberry Road and a match that's running into overtime. You've got to stretch it out as long as possible... as Thursday evening is eventful and good. - It's important to avoid going to bed. - Yes, absolutely. And just tonight they're showing the very latest episode... of Stians favorite series, "Days of Death". And here we go. He begins by positioning himself well into the corner of the couch. While it's quiet and calm, we'll take a look at what Stian's doing so right. Here we see his mother and fathers range of view. And most importantly: the blind spot in the middle, where Stian has placed himself. He begins to scratch. Is that good? It's risky business if he wants to maintain the blind spot. - Hey, it's bedtime. - And there goes the blind spot. - We'll look at this again, Geir. - So here's the scratching movement... which creates an unwanted movement of the head and a focus shift in the mother. - You should go to bed, you. - Yeah. He responds with a "yeah". Does he intend to give up just like that? He serves another mild-mannered "yeah" hoping to put the ball out of play. And the tactic appears to work. With Dad on his feet it could go wrong here. Haven't you gone to bed yet? It's unfortunate what's happening here now. - A little longer? - Hey, up you get. Dad is merciless. He seeks support from Mom. Is there a chance, then? She responds by turning off the TV. It shows who has the power. Also known as the remote control. Just as black as the screen goes here, it appears that Stian gets it. A trip to the bathroom to brush his teeth. It's the final chapter. Yes... But what's this, then? - Can I open it? - Yes, just open it. - Look at this. - Interesting. He justifies his return with a polite question about the toothpaste. Can this tiny seal we see here, come to the rescue? See how he sneaks a peek here. You, trickster... Haven't you brushed long enough now? - I'm hungry. - He counters with a wish for supper. No, it's too late. I'm so hungry that I have a stomach ache. He appeals with a pitiful look. He stands up against the pressure. - Will this resistance bear fruit, then? - Hey! - Bread or cornflakes? - Here we've been granted supper. - I'll have a sandwich. - Yes, we will. Look here, guys. We're back on the sofa, ready to watch "Days of Death". In addition supper's on the way from the kitchen. Isn't that right, food expert Liv Grete? Yes, absolutely. Here Dad spreads a layer of margarine first. He continues with liver pate. And he has the brown cheese ready. - This he must be well pleased with? - Two slices with lots of toppings... may well give Stian 20 min with "Days of Death". - Eating takes place in the kitchen. - Huh? No... Well that's a turn up. There... eat now. Look at these sad pictures. Is it possible to make a comeback now? Here sits Stian with two self-imposed slices.. And he's in the wrong room. Now he's up and taking in the tea water. - The tea water is ready. - Stian is back as a waiter. What is this? He serves the tea, and as he serves it he perches on the couch. Here we see it again. See how he seats himself using great skill. This is lovely. With this, Stian's back on the sofa. And that cuddle mother can't resist. Brilliant. We'll see "Days of Death". 35 minutes overtime is our goal, no more and no less. We're not in bed, nor in the kitchen. We're watching "Days of Death". - It's so wonderful. - Absolutely incredible. Wait a moment. Look there. His eyes are closing. What on earth...? He had victory within reach here, and he then falls asleep. Terribly sad. This was not the kind of dream situation that we had hoped for. Was your sofa simply too soft, and cozy and so sleep-inducing? It's hard to say, but some "Days of Death" we certainly don't have. Here it's the "Night of Sleep", Geir. If we could end on something positive, it must be that it was a victory for sleep. Subtitles by Squashy Hat (2015) Fiona. Fiona! I thought you had gone with the other girls down to Jackson Square to burn your bra. Why? Por que? So I can gag on the toxic fumes coming off all that burning Playtex? No, thanks. Não, obrigada. Fiona, you're wicked. When did you first know you were destined to become the next Supreme? I was just 29 years old when the reigning Supreme at the time, MiMi DeLongpre, called a Council and I performed the Seven Wonders and was unanimously proclaimed to be the true born heir of the Supremacy. I wasn't talking about the Council. When did you know? In your bones? Well, I will tell you. By the time I was your age, I had already been manifesting multiple powers. It's not unusual for a talented witch to manifest four, even five innate gifts once she starts to flower. Uma vez que ela comece a florescer But that does not make you the Supreme. Only the mastery of the Seven Wonders could prove that. So let me prove it. Don't be a fool. You're still a child. Even if you are next in line. I am ready. And I say you're not. Because you don't want Porque você não quer to be replaced... by me. Careful, girl. Don't test my wrath. They say when a new Supreme starts to flower, the old Supreme begins to fade. You've been fading Anna Leigh. Shall I show you my power? You're weak, Anna Leigh. We both know why. Diabetes, heart trouble, liver failure. God knows what else. Deus sabe o que mais As I get stronger, you get weaker. enquanto eu fico mais forte. Você fica mais fraca You vicious little gash. I've seen the ruin you will bring this coven if you are allowed to take power now. You're a selfish, craven little child, Fiona. And I will make it my mission to ensure that you will never take the throne. I'll see you burn in hell first. Fine, save me a spot. What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? It's a dance, a dance no one ever had to teach me. A dance I've known since I first saw my reflection in my father's eyes. My partners have been princes and starving artists, Greek gods and clowns. And everyone of them certain they lead. But it's always my dance. I make the first move, which is no move at all. I've always just understood that they will eventually find themselves in front of me. Primitive, beautiful animals. Their bodies responding to the inevitability of it all. It's my dance and I have performed it with finesse and abandon with countless partners. Only the faces change. And all this time, I never suspected the night would come when the dance would end. I always respect a good hard slap. Just don't make me look like a goddamn trout when I walk out of here. Is that the video? Yes, as we discussed. Sim, como nós discutimos. But please let me underline that this is an instructional video shot for surgeons. If I am going to commit to butchery, I want to see exactly how the sausage is made. Como a salsinha é feita. As you can see, Como você pode ver, the human face isn't attached to the skull at all. After I make the initial incision... here, then I'll have the freedom to stretch and tighten the skin. Then fat cells harvested through liposuction are packed in the cheekbones to create fullness. So, what made you come to see me? No one else has bothered. I've been feeling so haunted. It all seemed so unfair, so random. You know, a truly decent person like him. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you. Losing your son. He had a stash in his room. I've been sleeping in there. I'm driving. He didn't tell me he had a girl. It wasn't romantic, Mrs. Spencer. I see. Well, you're a good friend. That's what matters. God bless him. When his father left, he became the man of this house. He worked part-time as an SAT tutor. He did repairs. People said that's a lot of pressure to put on a boy. He was just a... he was a natural gentleman in his bones. Yeah. Yeah. He was like that. Can I share something with you? I don't want to burden you. Of course. That's why I came. I almost didn't answer. But something told me I should. You were a saint to make that call, you sweet girl. I wish I was as sweet as you think. I wish I could hold him again. And kiss him. If only to say good-bye. You'll see him again. I envy you believers. I don't know how it works either. But I'm telling you, Mrs. Spencer. Kyle has not left us. ♪ La-la-la-da-la-da ♪ La-la- la-da-la-da ♪ ♪ La-la-la-da-la-da ♪ La-da-la-la-da ♪ La-la-da-la-la-la-da... He's cute. Like butter on a stick. What are you two yapping about? Our new neighbors moving in next door. ♪ La-da-la-da... Where's your modesty? Put your shirt on. It's totally wet, Mom. "Hell is naked before him and destruction hath no covering." ♪ La-la-la-da ♪ La-da... Get in the house, put on a clean shirt. ♪ La-da. I believe we can build on the progress we've made. Oh, no... And continue to fight for new jobs, new opportunity, a new security for the middle class... Why, oh, Lord, my God have you forsaken this once proud country? Oh, God. Oh, Deus. Are you blubbering again? Eternal life... and all you can do with it is stuff your face and cry. That magic box lies. Somebody... Alguém... somebody in there... they just said that... that-that Negro... is the President of the United States. I voted for him. Twice. We've also had black secretaries of states, Supreme Court justices, and even the poet laureate. Lies. Mentiras. You know, you've got a lot to learn. And you're gonna learn it right here inside the walls of this school. Oh, God... help me. Congratulations, kiddo. You... are the new maid. Maid. Have you any idea with whom you are speaking? Yes. Sim The maid unless you want to go back in the box. Can't stop thinking about our new neighbor. He's nice. He's waiting for someone. Maybe he likes a little chocolate. It's hilarious to listen to you virgins get all hot and bothered. I'm not a virgin. Eu não sou uma virgem I'm not. Eu não sou. I get it on all the time. And guys find me hot. Look at you. Olhe pra você. Who'd have thought we'd have so much in common? So what's your story, Queenie? Então qual é sua história, Quennie? Who popped your chocolate-covered cherry? No one yet. She's a virgin. Shut up, Nan. Cale a boca, Nan. I'm saving myself. You the bitch that blindsided me with that candlestick. How dare you open your foul mouth to me, Negress. Excuse me? I may be a maid, but there are limits to my servitude. You best put that food down in front of me before I Frisbee this plate at your head. Cracker bitch! Hey! What the hell is going on here? Miss Aryan Sisterhood came between Queenie and her food. I will not stoop to serve her kind. You know, Delphine, from now on you are gonna be Queenie's personal slave. And, Queenie, you ask her to do whatever you need done: make your bed, scrub your toilet. I don't give a shit. Sweet. There's nothing I hate more than a racist. ♪ Wait a minute, baby ♪ Stay with me awhile ♪ Said you'd give me light ♪ But you never told me about the fire ♪ Stevie didn't really find her voice until she and Lindsey joined Fleetwood Mac. That's the thing. Can't be your best self until you find your tribe. I'm still looking for mine. ♪ Drownin' ♪ In the sea of love Misty? Zoe. Come see. Venha ver ♪ But now it's gone ♪ It doesn't matter what for ♪ When you build your house... How did you do that? It's the humic acid in the mud. Burns, scrapes, bug bites. I put Louisiana mud on anything. This one's really deep. I tried. That's the best I could do. ♪ And it was just like ♪ A great dark wind Kyle... it's Zoe. Do you remember me? ♪ I think I had met my match ♪ He was singing ♪ And undoing Misty, I have to take him home. His mother's a wreck. Maybe seeing her will help heal him in some way. I healed him. Me. I... I bathed him and... and fed him and nursed him to health. You did. And I owe you big time. Well, then s-stay... stay for dinner. Another time. I promise. ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ Said, "Sara... ♪ You're the poet in my heart" ♪ No. No. No, he's not ready yet. He needs me. We're connected. Kyle, when she abandoned you, I was there. You can't just replace me. Let him go. Let him... let him go. He wants to go home. Okay. I'll come back for you. I promise. No, you won't. ♪ Hold on ♪ The night is comin' ♪ And the starling flew for days... ♪ What do you expect to get with that stupid cake? Just being neighborly. What do you expect to get with that dress? Laid. He's gonna be my fall fling. Welcome to the neighborhood. We're from next door. My name is Nan. Madison. Thanks. I'm Luke. Come in. This looks amazing. Homemade? I bake. The cake's just an excuse. I saw you moving in. You looked pretty good without a shirt. Made me interested in the rest of the package. Is this lemon? It's yellow cake with butter frosting. I knew it'd be your favorite. It's the one thing I can't resist. W... Are you seriously ignoring me for dessert? I get the feeling you're used to being the center of attention. This is Madison Montgomery. She's famous. Well, we don't have TV. Or Internet. Sweet. Well, is this the welcoming committee? And you brought baked goods. Aren't you darling? Well, we'd love to visit, but we're running late for church. We'll take the cake to share. Church? It's not even Sunday. Bible study. It's how we maintain our personal relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ. You know that's all a crock of shit, right? I mean, why wait for some phony happily-ever-after when you can have your piece now, I say. What about you, Luke? I forbid you to talk to my son or to set foot in this house again. I didn't say anything. Both of you! Get out of my house! We'll pray for you. I didn't know you could do that. Neither did I until now. Hank doesn't know I'm here. He's out of town bidding on a construction project. We tried alternative methods, but... they didn't take. So here I am. I'm glad you came. I was actually gonna call you. Oh? Your, uh, blood work came back. Ms. Foxx, we have a problem. What kind of problem? The kind that rules out you having any sort of elective surgery. Now or for the foreseeable future. I'll find another doctor. I can assure you no reputable surgeon's gonna take you on. Your blood work is alarming, and your immune system seems to be in some kind of... free fall. You simply can't have a baby. There's got to be something you can do. I know how disappointing this must be. Times like these I wish I had a magic wand I could wave. But I don't. That's right. You don't. ♪ La-la-la-da-la-da ♪ La-la-la-da-la-da ♪ La-da, la-da... I know this is the right thing, Kyle. She's the one person in the world that you'll remember. Everything will make sense when you see her. Oh! Oh! Well, who do we have here? Joan Ramsey. My... son Luke and I moved into the old colonial next door. I'd like you to have this. Hmm. I always bring a copy of the Good Book whenever I come into someone's house for the first time. How devout of you. May I offer you a drink? No, I don't imbibe. I don't know if this is a school or... a rehab facility or what it is, but two of your girls invaded my property. One of them was dressed so scandalously I'm-I'm worried about the long-term effect it might have on Luke. You know, I've never understood you Bible-thumpers and your hypocrisy towards sex. I know, behind closed doors, you are the biggest perverts of all. Your student threw a knife at me. It missed my head by three inches. Yeah. She has to work on her aim. I didn't come here to listen to your drunken mocking. Those girls had better not come around my place again. I will call the police and I will press charges. Assault with a deadly weapon, arson. Arson? The trashy one lit my curtains on fire. I don't know how she did it, but she did it. I conjured the Devil. That's her. You stay away from my boy. Hmm, good luck keeping him away from me. He's so backed up all I'd have to say is "panties" and he'd jizz his jeans. Stay away from my family. In Jesus' name. Madison. Have you got a light? Well done. Right? Who knew I could do that? Come here. Sit down. Let's talk. Are you asleep? I can't believe you're really here. I nearly died from missing you, baby. I was just thinking something. It's keeping me awake. Before, when you went to go take a shower... You're a different person. Your body. You look like someone else. I don't understand what's happening. But that-that doesn't matter. Doesn't it? You're still my beautiful boy. We're together again. Let it all go. I'm here now. I said if you want breakfast, you better carry your ass downstairs and make it yourself. Ain't nobody frying no eggs. I'm looking for Marie. I'm here to consult with her? About a fertility problem? Chinwe, Mambo here? You want a Coca-Cola? No, thank you. Thank you for seeing me right away. I've heard about you since I was a child. Full disclosure... I'm from... Darling. I know who you are. Okay. So tell me about your fertility spell. Oh, don't know nothing about that. Marie? If you know who I am, then you know I am well-aware of the Pochaut Medecine. Hmm. Then you know that spell ain't no picnic for anyone involved. On the day of, you bring us two ounces of your husband's baby gravy in a mason jar. We use a Guinea pepper... hotter than Hades. When the gods see this willingness to suffer... to sacrifice, they pay attention. When it's over, I sleep for four days and four nights. How soon can we do it? Got to be a new moon. And $50,000 in cash up front. Jesus. We have a 100% success rate. I'll find it somehow. Borrow it, rob a bank. When's the new moon? Ain't gonna do no Pochaut Medecine on you. Not for $50,000. Not for $100,000. You were born into the wrong tribe. You the daughter of my sworn enemy. Fiona has got nothing to do with me. She has no idea I came to see you. Ooh. Hmm. You are my one real shot at this point. Too late for tears. Damage is done. Waltzing in here like she the Queen of England. Talking about hammer and nails, looking to start a war. Fiona was here? She done messed with the wrong witch. And she knows it. And now you know it. You like him. Excuse me? You're thinking about a boy. I can tell. You know it's rude to get in people's heads like that. You think I like having to hear other people's thoughts all the time? I don't. So stop. Wish I could. These help. Hello? Zoe, it happened. Oh, hey, Alicia. Kyle's come back to me. Except... it's not Kyle. I'll be right over. I'm not gonna apologize. Whatever for? For whatever it is you want me to. That's why we're here, isn't it? People in our position have no need to apologize. Our actions speak for themselves. I'm curious. Have you always known you were special? Child actor, poised beyond your years? My mother put me to work ever since I could talk. I hated it. It's hard to stop when you're the only one in your family making money, you know. You didn't have a good relationship with her? The last time I saw her, she snorted half my coke, and then let the cops bust me for it. She's a selfish bitch. Hmm. So was I. Ask Cordelia. I was a horrible mother. And I regret it. She's not dead. You can change. I've tried. But I think it's too late. I have so much to give. So much to teach. Teach me. Self-preservation, it's the most primal instinct of the human psyche. So, what would it take... to make a person disregard their will to survive? I don't get it. Use your imagination. Make what you want him to do so much more attractive than what he's actually doing. Make him believe he's safer in the middle of the street. Did I do that or did you? I sure do love chicken potpie. For dessert you can make me a peach cobbler. You never gonna catch a man that way. Let alone find one to love you. You were my daughter, I'd padlock that icebox and throw away the key. Peach cobbler won't keep you warm at night. My problem ain't food, you dumb bitch. It's love. Dr. Phil says that kids from broken homes use food to replace love. It's comforting. Well, I think you best look for a new physician. What was that? What was what? Something is out there. Ain't nothing out there. Get back to work before I smack you, slave. No, it can't be. God help me. What the hell are you doing? He's out there! We have to hide. What are you talking about? Who's out there? My houseboy. Your what? No, don't unlock that! He'll ravage both of us. Bitch, you don't make a bit of sense. What the hell is that thing? It's Bastien. My houseboy. He was a beast in life. Now evermore so. Enchanted no doubt by the same dark magic which has kept me alive. Who are you? I am Madame Delphine LaLaurie. Mistress of the house LaLaurie. The Code Noir was replaced by the Madame's own code of terror. Who brought you back- - Fiona? The witch freed me only to make me a slave. You deserve worse if half of what they say about you is true. You unhand me. Did you do that to him? He violated my daughter. Please, we have to hide. I beg you... have mercy. Please, don't... don't let him take me. Get up. Get up! Oh, wait... Get out of here. You go hide, I'll take care of this. Slave, wait. Get out of here. Oh, God, God... Come on. Come on. Come on. I won't hurt you. Come on. Over here. She told me what you did to her daughter. You just wanted love. And that makes you a beast? They call me that, too. But that's not who we are. We both deserve love like everybody else. Don't you want to love me? Kyle, honey? I have a little surprise for you. I invited your friend Zoe to come join us for dinner tonight. What do you think of that? Hmm? She's a sweet girl. I don't know why you didn't tell me about her before. Did you think I'd not approve? I certainly hope you don't feel like you have to keep secrets from me. I've been possessive. I do know that. I never meant for it to go so far, or go on for so long. But I think maybe you needed it as much as I did. But now it's time for you to move on with your life, and I understand that, and I want that. Jesus, Kyle! Why won't you talk to me? ! What's happened to you? They were so sure you were dead. They said they identified your body. Your body. I know your body, Kyle. I know it. And this... it's different! You're different! Who are you, if you're not my son? ! My son. My son. My sweet baby boy. No one knows you like I do. Not even that girl. She doesn't know how to please you. Not like I can. Mama knows how to please you, baby. It's okay. No! Kyle! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No...! ♪ Come on over, baby, whole lot of shakin' goin' on ♪ ♪ Yeah, come on over, baby ♪ Baby, you can't wrong ♪ Honey, I ain't fakin' ♪ I got a whole lot of shakin' goin' on ♪ ♪ Well, I said shake it ♪ I said, shake it, baby, shake it ♪ ♪ I said shake, don't you let it break now ♪ ♪ Shake it, shake it, shake ♪ Come on over ♪ Whole lot of shakin' goin' on ♪ ♪ Let's go, it's time now ♪ ♪ Well, come on over, baby ♪ We got chicken in the barn Ooh! ♪ Whose barn? What barn? My barn ♪ ♪ Come on, baby ♪ You know, I got the bull by the horn, oh, yeah ♪ ♪ I ain't fakin', whole lot of shakin' goin' on ♪ ♪ Easy now, say shake ♪ Ooh... ♪ Now let's go one time ♪ Shake it, baby, shake it ♪ Shake it, baby, shake, come on now ♪ ♪ Shake, don't you let it break ♪ ♪ But you got to shake, oh, baby, shake ♪ ♪ Come on over, whole lot of shakin' going on. ♪ Hello? Hello? Alicia? Oh. Ooh. Ladies. Oh, you're looking well tonight. Let me give you some advice. Get your portrait painted when you're young. Just look at these old bats. Mine is gonna go over here. And yours'll go... over there. Doubt I'm even graduating this shit show. No way they're gonna commemorate me. Well, they'll have to because you're the next Supreme. Wait. Are you serious? How do you know I'm the next Supreme? Because I am the old one. And I'm dying. My time is up, and you're... killing me. Your powers-- you've been feeling them growing? Yeah, l-like crazy. Have you ever wondered why? Uh, apart from my being awesome? I'm the source. My life force is literally pouring out of my body and into yours. This is no mystical mumbo-jumbo. This is real. I have cancer. I won't last the year. I have connections. My agent can get the best oncologist in the country here in a flash. Chemo? Oh. Oh, no, no. No, no, no, I'm not going out bald and shriveled and begging for morphine. No. I've lived a disreputable life, but I've done it in style, and I'll die likewise. I don't belong on these walls. I took my inheritance too soon and squandered it. All that... power, all those gifts. I just took it and poured it back into myself and dressed it up in Chanel. I was a shitty Supreme. But, now, my mentor, Anna Leigh Leighton-- now there was a Supreme. She was majestic and powerful. She taught me everything I know. You know how I thanked her? By cutting her throat. Right where I'm standing. With this. I've kept it all these years. And now, I give it to you. Why? I don't want that. Yeah. Come on, here. No. Don't be afraid. Use it. Kill me for the sake of the coven. No. No. Yes. Come on. Don't be afraid. Do it! Come on, now, do it! I can't! No! Yes, you can, you stupid girl! No! Do it! And feel my power flow into you! I know, because I was standing where you're standing! Stop yelling at me! Do it! Do it! No! Do it! Bury her deep. God knows what all that shit in her body will do to the lawn when it comes up in the spring. This coven doesn't need a new Supreme. It needs a new rug. Vvv. Subtitles. Com. Refugees. The kidnappers will call to your home or cell phone. All phones tapped. Minister, you get the hell dangerous narkotrgovče. Representative 're the government. Has anything to do with the kidnapping? For the good of my son, God forbid, Commissioner! Examine bodyguard and nanny. -I am sorry. You Villalobos? Neither do you anything you do not remember? No, the minister spoke with the kidnappers. What have reached a deal with the moraine in connection with feragutom? It is confidential information. I can not give it to you. Unless you have the president's approval, to say the least. Who was closer to the President and the Minister of you? Not a problem if you give me that information. Or am I mistaken? -No. I do not know what difference does it with the kidnapping. Indeed she has to do. Kidnapping is linked to the measures implemented against feragutovih. We have two options. Or will we all words, and we'll find Raymond. Or we stay here and we will make it mad. But your son will pay for that, Minister. I told you all the information that I have, Commissioner. They kidnapped my son. I guess I 'm not among the suspects? Not you, Minister, of course. Not, of course. Looking for something? Give it to me, I want to hear it. You know what I want. Escort me safe and sound out of the this shitty town. Do not hurt him, Fred. Please do not. Invite me for a minute. Dead. You're alone? Just a little! Your mom. Mom -mali how are you? -I'm afraid. Do not worry, dear. I'll come get you and then we'll spend the day together. Nice we eat and we'll go to the movies. Take me to the movies? You heard, macarena! I'm not the police nearby. That did not hurt my son, you fool! Do not you dare! Hymen was killed because she carried it out into the open. Anyway you? No. I'm interested in who killed her. Enough for me to know that it was red. But red working for someone. They are the real culprits. This never end. These people are to blame for everything. Himeninu for death, for Dad's death. I can not forget! -dosadilo me to be righteous. How righteous? Who are you saved? Who are you in jail? Whom you helped? Same shit as you are. Wait for me there! Visits were prohibited. I'm not visiting. I am the general secretary in the government. Opens. Blue-eyed, what did you do FRED feraguto? To hear! You seem interesting. Kidnapped my son, moreno. You have to help me find him. Leave it to the police. No benefit from them. I can get you out of here. If you want money, I'll get it to you, But you have to find Raymond. Please. Signature! The signature of its president. Their party? Right? Left? Or he just care about money? Our people are needed, right? Presidential pardon. -pomilovanje too. I can not. I think you can. I would be your dog. Your watchdog. Hunting dog. I do everything for you. We did those things. All kinds come to mind. The first is to find him. The first is that you find my son! Have you looked in the stock in MARIPUU? Or are so stupid that you did not think of that? You have to go. Not safe here. Red will return. I can not help you. What do you want? I do not know. Can you. -Keep of our. Please. Pedro -makarena, I'm sorry, but we can not verify the new information. Are in stock in Maipu. Tonight begins the action. We follow live from the special police. Go! It is now the Macarena. Switchboard, can you hear me? Reception. What is this? -ministarkin son. Helps us. Now we are together and we can go. Specialists are ready for action. Each is equipped with a camera. Live broadcast live. We will be able to follow every moment of the action. It's 15 elite special forces. Can be found in the factory in an uninhabited part, So the risk is minimal. Good evening. I should not have come, you need a dream. I'd rather be here. We went. Go home, you're good. I want to be there. I want to see when they are caught. Attention, approaching the site! Eat something, Raymond. Hurry up, we gotta go. Let's go! Get up! -let him go. Get up! Go to the store and get a bottle of wine. Attention, here we come! Go, go! Fast! Go, go! Left! Here! Continue to the right! -prelazim! Get down! Down is a man! -YARN! Get up! Rajmund! Fred? A boy? What the hell is he doing there? Need identification. Do not shoot! The child is here. Do not shoot! Who 's that boy? -bravo, identify the boy. Feragute, you're surrounded. Let the boy! Do you think that boy's life worth more than mine? Bring me a helmet. -Mirno! Quick! -rajmundo, come on! All stand still! -Poslušajte commander. All stand still! No! -rajmundo? With them! -without shootings! -without shootings! Are you satisfied with this performance? You surprise me. Not too well to watch television. And now we want to go. -Dol guns! Fast! Do you know how many children die around the world? And you would have rescued one! What happened? -what happened? -We've no signal! Come on, quick! Peace, all peace! We do not want the shooting. Drains boys. Peace, feragute. Nobody will shoot. Put the gun down! Let it go. All stand still, nothing action is! Peace! Miller, you got it? Delayed, Miller! Calm down. My kid will lose a life. He will not. He shall not live. -I'll get him alive and healthy. Will hold ten hours if you do not get your dose. He will die. What pose? What? Raymond is diabetic. Is dependent on insulin. What, bitch? Did not you ask pardon? Miller! Look! We have them. Good shot, Miller said. Thanks. Okupi people and go! What are we to give trash? -morfijum. -a? -morfijum! You have to drink water to keep. Well we paid to get you out of the hospital. Who? Blue-eyed? That blue-eyed! This is your last chance. You have to kill feraguta. Do you know where he's headed, where he was hiding. Visente, we have to stop somewhere, wishing dad wound. We can not stop now. Do something! We can stop. Stop! I will not. Stop the car! Damn! -koči! I'll find another car that they can not follow us. You watch the old! I'll see you at the river. Directors? -where are you? -Follow refugees. Go to the cajon de Maipo. Boy is diabetic. Without insulin will fall into a coma. If refugees do not want to die, they will have somewhere to buy medicine. Clear? Well. If there's news, I'll call you. Hello? -I! -plavooka! I need to know How 's the kid? -for them. Requires proof that he was alive. Do not do anything until you check out. Or asking his finger, so you'll know for sure! Turn on the speaker! Any news? We went in through the Cordillera del cajon Maipu. Moreno, you know feraguta, his property, to do. Okay I know him! Remember that we had an agreement. What about my pardon? It will be taken care of. You have to trust me. Move on and find my son! Why do you think I collaborated with the communist bitch? Who got you out of the hospital? -He would himself! Trusted to be in Salamanca, feraguta, pages? Do not push me! Stop, moreno. Move on! Stop and go to look for my son! He's my baby, moreno. You have to go to seek. As long as you like? You let him kidnapped. -I did not allow it. Talk to Freddy if you've got a problem. If you're good, everything will be fine. Shot tracking. Follow us! Fuck. Come down to the river. Unknown motives are kidnapping the son of a government minister. We will soon be transferred from the presidential palace -ponavljaj his name! Rajmund. Rajmundito. Rajmund. So will realize that he is a living being. -tim beasts nothing is sacred. Hear, makarena. Rolling? Good luck! Thank you. My name is macarena Munit and addressing the kidnappers of my son. In your hands is the life of my son. Called Raymond. Rajmundito. Is a gentle, loving. In front of the whole country, I promise, if you release the injured, You will have my unconditional gratitude and support. We are all children of God. I know you to have mercy, to have mercy on the boy. I therefore ask you to release Raymond until late. Rajmundito has diabetes 1 degree. Holy shit! If you do not receive insulin. He will die. Rajmundito, honey. If you look at me from somewhere, know that mom prays for you. Much I love you, son. A lie! You're not going to believe! -it's true. Has all the symptoms. Nausea, sweating. Sick. Is not it? -Yes. And we 've never said? -bojao I hope you will not kill me. Presidential pardon. This kidnapping drew attention to humanity, and that suits us fine. We have the right to doubt. If the boy did not appear soon, what will happen? The government will fall and unable to protect its own cabinet. That's irrelevant. Now it is important what we say. What will you say. Well. Prepare 3-4 proposals. Some make them violent and we will examine them. You should go home. You do there what to do. The country making big things. Not a moment to rest. There are records of pardons. How many? Seventeen. Juvenile criminals. Most of the sentence ends next month. And this will help us? A nice gesture to victims of fire from which the government could not protect them. Good browser. Yes? Excuse me, Mr. President, you called Mr. Mujer del serak. Connect me with him! Yes. How are you? Yes, how are you? I did what you asked, feragute, but failed. These plants are not for greenhouses. After your departure are introduced. It took me your experience, feragute. Than expected, three hundred pounds, how did we get? Four, five kilograms. Quality drugs. Good quality! You were loyal. Useful, or loyal. To see if there's no use for you! Why trubiš, motherfucker? I apologize, Minister. Bother me. The last time we talked on the phone. My pardon? Voila! The sign was himself president of the republic! Could have been so kind and send me a picture of a naked lady. We could take a picture. I do not have a lot of talent, but my dick is big. I've been called a tripod. Pardon and freed from all criminal liability to this day. If they commit a new crime, this will serve as a mitigating circumstance. It is a conditional document. Will be worth only if we surrender son. And after that you can and you drop dead. I do not care if you suffer from prostate cancer! And now because I have to stay on the job! Get to work, moreno. Beautiful skirt! Visente Yeah? -I do not feel well. I know you're tired, but you can not sleep. You promised me! You 're a doctor? Vet. Like animals? Do you have a pet? -I never had. Neither. Sitting. It's hot, drink slowly. Bitterly. I know, but it 'll do you good. Have a drink in one gulp. God, I say that sincerely love those we inflict suffering. Minister of Police. With our Lord Jesus Christ who lives with you in the spirit world. Unto ages of ages, amen. Did you find him? -ministarko, no trace. We only know that they went to Cordillera. Until when will we hide information? Restrict me. Do you understand? If you have nothing to tell me about his son, there's nothing to talk about. We just left the prayer and invocation of God who understands me only. Good bye. What should I do? To pray? The boy needs insulin. What to do with him? Keep it better than his parents. Blue will go on insulin. It will not be recognized. Go to a pharmacy in puente alto or in Florida, and then leaving. It's not safe. To come down to the village. I want to go back faith. The boy's death is proof that community collapses. I will not let that happen. 12 police officers overseeing the area. We need to surround this entire part. Attention to all the pharmacies del Cajon del Maipo! All information, please, keep me. Anyone else. Let's go! Good day. -good day. I need insulin. How much? -para, for ten days. I do not know if I have that much. Then as you! Good bye. -good bye. Bravo, you hear? I hear. Suspect! Fifty years old, driving a black car. Dr. -milerova 2374, here we come! Monitors where. Nothing action is! Here! -zadržao you. Mayor, we're close. I understand, Miller said. So! Here you go. I will not water, I will not eat. Alvaro, told Fred and Laura. Let's go! Blue, thank you. Horses ready! Blue, beware! Let's go! Fast! Armed man! Fast! Sons of bitches! Where are they going? Damn! We are going, we must not lose sight of them! Do you think that will work? Quite sure. One Two Three Watch your boys, moreno. -Number. We will protect the boy. If we close the entrance, there is only one way out. I'm not crazy. Will be desperate when they get trapped. Six! Eight. Let's go! Nine, ten, eleven twelve! The end of the fifth episode of the second season of treatment, MilanRS. Taken with vvv. Subtitles. Com. DAVID: You really t? FREDDIE: Yes, absolutely. Oh, you guys were gone for so long. How was your hike in Runyon Canyon? It was crazy... Bar Refaeli was there and she passed out. David gave her mouth-to-mouth. Which was wasted on him. I could've done that. He totally CPR-blocked me, man. Well, good for you. Just wash your lips before you come to bed tonight. Well, I ended up having a great time with Donny. I can't wait till we have a son that I can do outdoor stuff with. You mean like the camping trip I have tomorrow night with Donny's Cub Scout troop? You really think it's fun to sleep on the ground, listen to kids complain about no Internet and think every sound they hear is a ghost rapist? DAVID: Are you kidding me? I would love to do that. After all, I am an Eagle Scout for life. "Once an Eagle, always an Eagle." And one day our son will be one, too. What? No. No, I'm no letting our son be a part of the Boy Scouts. I mean, not that they would let him be involved anyway. Not with two gay dads. That's their policy. Oh, come on, they don't enforce that. Yes, they do. They kick out more gay men than the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Don't you read the news? Look, I know that the Boy Scouts haven't exactly rolled out the red carpet for gay people, but this isn't about politics; It's about boys toasting marshmallows and making lanyards and learning that when a black bear attacks, you play dead, but when a grizzly bear attacks, you stand up and you fight. And when a West Hollywood bear attacks, you pretend to hate it. I just can't believe you would support an organization that excludes you. I support the virtues that the Scouts teach: To be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, courteous, thrifty and brave. Oh, so they're the ones that taught you that thrifty is a virtue. No, that was Rabbi Abramowitz. Look, I know that you think this is a joke, but the Scouts taught me the life skills that I use to this day. Dude, you're so into this Scouting stuff, you're the one that should chaperone this overnight. Are you kidding me? I would love to. Fine, go. Maybe you can earn your hypocrisy badge. Are there really bears in West Hollywood? Yes, but don't worry, you have to be 21 or over to get in those places. Thank you for helping me update this business software, Rocky. Well, a business woman has to manage her money. Trust me, I know. Six years ago I went into debt buying Balenciaga gold leggings like Beyoncé wore to the BET Awards. Split up the back when I dropped my lollipop. Ooh. So, how long have you had this computer? Oh, it was a gift. It's not really much of a gift. I mean, I just cleared the memory off my old computer, bounced on some extra RAM. And loaded Quicken and a spreadsheet generator. Look, Mom, it's like a really heavy, slow iPad. Oh, thank you so much, Brice. So, your nana's man gave you a computer, helped you find a business property and didn't take a commission? Mm-mm. You don't need Quicken to tell you that doesn't add up. I feel like you want me to think that's bad? You are so damn country, honey. This is L.A. You do not trust any man who gives you a gift over $20 unless he is your man-man, blood relation, employer or a pimp, which is the same thing. Let me know if you have any questions about this software. I'm off to a meeting. Ooh, a meeting? Where are we off to today, fellow businesswoman? To a place I like to call "mind your own damn business." (quietly): 'Kay. Have fun. Phew, for a second there, I really thought you were going to embarrass yourself, but that little cap pulled it all together. You know, Bry, you don't always have to be so brutally honest. Some things are better left unsaid. What? I didn't say anything about your neckerchief. Welcome, to the Tuesday meeting of Loveaholics Anonymous. My name is Ben, and I'm a loveaholic. OTHERS: Hi, Ben. BEN: L-Anon is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to stop the unhealthy patterns of relying on love and intimacy. Remember, let's please avoid trigger words such as the names of dating Web sites, Nicholas Sparks and "die alone." I have two days of abstinence from fantasizing about my landlady, Estafania. I just relapsed. But I couldn't eat at the restaurant because I'm in Overeaters Anonymous and he couldn't pay the bill because he's in Debtors Anonymous, so we ended up doing cocaine in his minivan, which would've been a slipup in Narcotics Anonymous, but I don't really need that program, so I quit going. And so I sent an e-mail to his fiancée that said, "If I can't have Richard, I'll turn your face into a toilet bowl of blood." I heard about y'all on a Tavis Smiley episode, which I was watching because I am... I mean, was, in love with him. I've made so many foolish choices for love. Darnell, you hungry, baby? ! I got what you need! Love me! (glass shatters, siren whoops) I had to get honest with myself and say, "Rocky, you need help." And that's why I'm standing here celebrating 90 days of abstinence from love addiction. (applause) BEN: Does anyone else want to share? Anyone? MAN: Ah, what the hell. BEN: Hey. (gasps) I'm Brice. I'm a loveaholic, uh, romance addict and-and basically a compulsive playa, whatever. OTHERS: Hi, Brice. Hi. If you're a woman, uh, I will make you fall in love with me no matter how much chaos it causes. That's always been my drug of choice. Hi. How was your camping trip? I am not going to lie, it was pretty incredible. We set traps, built lean-tos, identified edible plants. It's hard for me to share in your excitement when I know you also pooped in the woods like animals. Not like animals... they don't bring their own wipes. Oh, my God, I missed it so much. Being in the wilderness. Teaching the kids all those skills. Okay, who's hungry? Bryan, I was awesome. It sounds rustic and unsanitary. And strangely sexy. And they were okay with you being gay? Actually, it never really came up. DONNY: I want to be an Eagle Scout, just like you, Scoutmaster David. So, Dave, uh, no kids of your own yet, huh? Well, actually, we're expecting a boy in June. Congratulations. Thank you. I'll bet the old ball and chain is counting down the days till that happens, huh? Oh, no, I dropped my weenie in the embers. Uh, don't worry, I'll take care of this. So, sort of a lie of omission. Bryan, I know you want to paint the Boy Scouts as some sort of hate group, but I had a great time. And you know what? The troop is meeting again on Thursday, and I'm going to take Donny to that, too. Okay. Well, if you're convinced they're so accepting of a gay person in their group, why don't you have the meeting here... where you live... with a man... who you take baths with. Fine, I think that's a great idea. And if it makes you feel better, I'll put a big gay badge on my sash. Hmm, an organization that discriminates against gay people, yet mandates all its members wear a sash. Interesting. Now, in order to earn your entomology badge, you have to not only know what an insect is, but also what an insect isn't. Now, who can take a look at the board and tell me which of these is not an insect? Go. (shouting answers) Wrong. None of them are. They are arachnids. BOYS: Oh... You know everything, David. I mean, you should get a merit badge in just overall smartness? You mean, like this one? My mom made that. Although, not officially sanctioned. And your house should have one for tasteful decorating. Thank you, but I cannot take credit for that. That goes to my... better half. (door closing) (clears throat) Who, I believe, just arrived. Uh, just excuse me one second. (low chatter) Hey. Glad you're here. Are you sure you want to do this? Yep, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. They're going to love you. Hi, everybody. I would like you to meet Bryan. He is... my life partner. My fiancé, in fact. We're getting married. And we're having a-a baby boy soon. Just two men, in love. Sharing a life. Bryan Collins. (sighs) ♪ ♪ Obviously, you didn't tell us everything. Like, how did you land yourself an Eagle Scout, Bryan? David is amazing. You're a very lucky man. Don't I know it. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Come on, guys. Come on. Oh, there's so... so many of you. Hi. Hey, Lil' Shane. How's my sweet Nikki? Did she give you any trouble today? No, I love babysitting Nikki. In fact, we're playing Project Runway. I'm Nina Garcia and I'm about to deliver an icy, scolding criticism of this. (Rocky gasps) You know, until this moment, I haven't considered the possibility of your weirdness rubbing off on her. I am kind of her role model. Hmm, so what's with all these boxes? Did you jack a Staples? No, Brice borrowed them from his office to give to Mom for her new business. And he brought me the sweet potato flavored Japanese candy I love that I'll assume he paid for. He's so awesome. Shania, how often does Brice stop by here to see your mom? Not every day or anything. Sometimes he visits at her new store instead. Mm-hmm. Are you ever going to pay me for babysitting? Not now, baby. I got real problems. Bryan, can I ask your opinion about something? Is it about your attraction to Colin Powell? Because I completely understand. It's a power thing. No, I was wondering if you would tell the truth even if what you say may hurt that person's feelings. You think I'm fat. I'm not even talking about you. You think David's fat. You should definitely say something. This is not about you or David. Then I'm less interested. (sighs) I don't want to say something to someone, but by not saying something, it could mess up someone else's life. Who are all these anonymous people? I can't say. Further disinterested. Look, Rocky, sometimes you think the truth is going to hurt, but it ends up helping. Like how I encouraged David with the Boy Scouts the other day. The whole thing was a huge success, and now we're gonna have more Scouting events at the house. And that was supposed to encourage me? My point is, is that by being honest, David is able to be who he is in a group that he loves. To me, the truth is an obligation: You just have to say it out loud. Okay. Well... you look like a real skinny Bob's Big Boy. Damn. You're right. (snaps fingers) That felt really good to get that off my chest. Skinny? Excuse me, fellow love addict. May I have a word? (quietly): Careful. She is aggressive and broken. Hey, what's up, Rocky? Oh, and may I say, the way you look in those black suede Christian Louboutin ankle boots, that is proof there's a higher power. Yeah, well, if you don't back up off of Goldie, I will apply the red bottom of these boots to your ass. What are you talking about? I'm just trying to help her launch her business. Goldie is a pregnant woman with a ten-year-old and an ex who is not out of the picture and a grandmother who you are dating! And you call that "recovery" and "integrity" and "honesty"? Bitch, please. Do you want to see honesty? Come here. Look into this room. This room... that is where I'm learning to be of service to people. That is why I'm helping Goldie. If you don't back up off of Goldie, I will tell her that you are a love addict with an agenda to get into her elastic-waist pants. Believe that. You know what? It's time for you to stop protecting Goldie and start taking care of yourself. Ben, stop trying to smell my hair. You are so sick. What is this? That is a pinewood derby car. I made it for you in Scouts to say thank you. It's your Range Rover. Aw, you even put the little steering wheel on the right. How faithful to the pretentious British engineering. What are you thanking me for? Well, without you, I don't know if I would've had the courage to be honest about who I am with the Scout troop. I was just a confused kid when I joined the Scouts, looking for something... I don't even know what. And what'd you find? I found role models. I found men that showed me how to be the father that I hope to become. Something that my father wasn't able to do. You know, when I joined the Scouts, with all the other kids and their fathers around, it was like family. I mean, that's why I was scared to... tell everybody that I was gay. I mean, 'cause it... felt like I was coming out all over again. Thank you for keeping me honest. You're welcome. But, David, why are there tiny cigarette butts in the ashtray? I'm just keeping you honest. Uh-huh. Oh, honey, you got a letter from the Scouts today. (water running) Ooh. (water stops running) "...homosexual conduct..." "...your Boy Scout membership revoked." Sorry, what'd you say? Boy Hunger Games. Scoutmaster David! At ease, troop. I'm just here for some grown-up talk with your dads. Come on. We're going for our archery badges. Show us how you do it. (others agreeing) I can't help you, boys. I'm sorry. What's up, D? BRYAN: He calls you D? (sighs) Someone reported me to the Boy Scouts of America. BRYAN: As an "avowed homosexual." A term I admittedly love. Makes me feel like an old-fashioned gay like Alexander the Great or Jim Nabors. DAVID: I was kicked out. I'm no longer an Eagle Scout. What? Can they even do that? Look, I was honest with you guys about who I am. Just be honest with me about which one of you reported me. Me? Dude, come on. I wish I could be gay. So much more sex, so much less listening. I would never do that. You guys were cool as hell to us. One of the kids probably told their parents. I don't know. FREDDIE: No one cares about the gay thing. The Scout board's voting on it in May. They're gonna shoot it down. Probably. Just hang with us in the meantime. HANK: No one cares about any Scout rules. You ever actually read the manual? Do I look fit of mind and body? And don't get me started on the self-abuse chapter. FREDDIE: For real. What grown man would actually want to live by these principles? I would. David would. Loyal, trustworthy, kind. When the Scouts can live up to the values that they taught me, I'm happy to be of service. How can you disrespect the Scouts like this? I thought you loved them. I do. But they don't respect the way that I love. Hi, Rocky. I'll make this quick. I don't like parking my car in your neighborhood. Brice is bad news. I can't say how I know, but he's a love predator. Who, Brice? What are you talking about? He's only ever been nice to me. Goldie, I know you're from Ohio, but men have penises in the Midwest, don't they? Yes. Except for that man who fell into his threshing machine. Brice is trying to take advantage of you. You better watch your back and your front. But, in-in your case, your back. Oh... Brice has been nothing but a gentleman to me. I mean, if anyone's taking advantage of anyone, it's... it's me. (sighs) The truth is, I think I have a secret crush on Brice. And the reason he keeps coming over is 'cause I keep making up excuses to see him. You have a computer problem? I'm trying to come up with a log-in password, Uh-huh. And it keeps calling it "weak." It's really shaken my confidence. Oh, simple. Just think of your favorite character from literature and the age you lost your virginity. Ooh, I got it. Garfield15. (typing) Please don't tell Nana or Brice. This is the first time I've admitted it to anyone, including myself. I'm gonna be completely honest with you: 90 days ago, I realized I was spending my time focusing on a man instead of myself. And that's what I'm starting to see you do. When you put it like that, it kind of makes the secret crush less fun. Since I stopped worrying about "he" and started thinking about "me," I'm happier than I've ever been. I know. I've watched you grow. You're amazing. But... how did you know that's what you needed to do? I looked at you, and I said, "If this dumb-ass Ohio girl can make a great life "and a successful business out of nothing by focusing on her family and herself, so can I." Aw. Rocky. This Brice thing is just a distraction from you. It's not real. And you are a miracle. Aw. (chuckles) (doorbell rings) Hey, David. Oh... Scoutmaster Pat. Come on in. Um, I just wanted to let you know my son Kyle, uh, quit the Scouts. Said he didn't want to be part of an organization that discriminated against men like you. Well, that's... very brave. That's exactly the kind of Scout that they need. In the spirit of Scout's honor, I, uh... I feel that you deserve to know the truth: I was the one who called the national office about you. Look, everyone knows you're everything an Eagle Scout should be. But it's not just that. You know, you're... you're a successful doctor, you have a beautiful home and you have a supportive partner... you have it all. And, uh... and I want my son to have it all, too. Yes, well, I'm sure that he will. But I want him to have it all... with a woman. You are a perfect role model, but the truth is I don't want you to be the role model for my son. I'm no homophobe. I like you. My son loves you. Ever since he met you, he's done nothing but talk about how great you are and how he wants to be just like you. But I want him to be, you know... normal. Well, thank you for your honesty. (sighs) When I joined the scouts, the most coveted badges you could earn were archery and Indian lore. Today, it's robotics and nuclear medicine. I know... equally cool, right? No one can deny the world is changing. And in some ways, the Scouts have proven they can change with it. So I'm going to honor the oath I took and use all the values I learned: Honesty, perseverance, bravery and courage to fight for change, so that maybe one day, I can help my son earn his own badges. Like the Scouts taught me: Be prepared. Because change is coming. Major Crimes 02x11 Poster Boy Originally Aired August 19, 2013 _ _ _ Man: Joe, I'm calling your landline, so you know I'm worried. Come on, Joe. Pick up. When the victim, Joe Fox, missed a Skype conference with the east coast this morning, his business partner came over and found the body tortured with bleach, mutilated, and shut up in the bathroom down the hall. Really? 'Cause it smells like it's here in the room. Air-conditioning was left on. It circulates the odor. Is that gonna be a problem for you? No. I'm just observing how horrible it smells in here. That's all. [ Chuckles ] [ Police radio chatter ] Provenza: [ Clears throat ] Rios, just sit here on the couch. Buzz, let me film the body. It's my job. Trust me... it's nothing you need to see. Grab your extra camera and meet me in the garage. Good Lord. Provenza: What the hell is that? Sanchez: Could be the Bible, sir. Psalms 46:10... "Be still and know that I am God." Yeah, well... Message received. [ Sighs ] Kendall: Body's out of rigor with skin blisters barely forming. Today's Monday. Dead since Friday, maybe. Three days? Smells like at least a week. Sykes said something about torture with bleach. Mm-hmm. Right eyelid is completely eaten away. Victim runs to the shower to try to rinse the bleach off, gets hit from behind, winds up in the tub. Look at this. He tried to cut the guy's head off? He gets halfway through, drops the knife in the tub, and walks away, like he gave up. Yeah, or something interrupted him. [ Cellphone ringing ] [ Flesh tearing ] [ Cellphone beeps ] Oh, hey, grandma. [ Breathing heavily ] Yeah. Yeah, I just got back from a run. [ Laughs ] Got to stay fit. Hey, I was, uh... I was going to call you and tell you about my, uh... My potential new roommate. You'd like him. Uh, Caitlin? No, no, her place was so small, grandma. Exactly. Yeah, I didn't want to be in her way. But packing up and moving stuff is a drag. Yeah. Joe's place... is bigger. Uh, he likes video games, so... that's good. [ Laughs ] Well, I need to go grocery shopping, because Joe doesn't eat anything that hasn't been frozen first. Oh, no, don't send me any money, grandma. Grandma, you already gave me a car and a cellphone. No, I'm doing great. Either this guy knows we can't I.D. him or he wants to get caught. I've counted at least six good prints between here and the bathroom. Make that seven. Pizza? Killer made a snack after the murder? Yeah, but this box was in the bottom of the pile. All this other stuff was on top. So he hangs out here all weekend with a dead body in the tub, eating? I'm telling you, this guy is a total... - Nut job? - Uh-huh. Sykes: Lieutenant. There's a second bathroom. Victim have a roommate? Not according to the business partner. Smell that? [ Sniffs ] Yeah. Yeah, more bleach. Now, why would he have...? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. [ Liquid splashes ] [ Exhales deeply ] I can't believe I have to try to look like you when I'm twice as hot. But... Nobody said life was fair. Right, Joe? Thank God you have nice clothes. Our killer changed his appearance. He leaves his fingerprints everywhere but still needs a disguise? You want to hear something weird? At this point, no. The car in the garage is not registered to the victim. [ Police radio chatter ] Joe Fox drives an Audi S.U.V., but it's not here. This car belongs to a guy in Ohio, so I have calls in to Akron P.D. Hmm. Flynn: Buzz. Oh! That smells way too familiar. Dried blood on the inside of the trunk, lieutenant. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Caitlin. Good news. Talked to Joe. He said it was cool for you to stay. [ Thud ] Hey. Have you lost weight? [ Beethoven's "Fur Elise" plays ] Come on. [ Grunts ] Hope you don't mind the couch... [ Grunts ] [ Thud ] Even though you kicked me off yours. Sorry. Attagirl. Sleep tight, princess. [ Music intensifies ] [ Grunts ] Sykes. [ Police radio chatter ] [ Music continues ] Tao, Sanchez. What? What happened? Better stand up. Why? Ah, sofa folds out. Provenza: Oh! Sykes: Explains the smell. Do not... scream. [ Whimpers ] [ Sleeping bag unzips ] Okay, let's have a look. [ Gags ] She died at least a week ago. Mr. Fox here probably passed away only last Friday. [ Camera shutter clicking ] We need to I.D. the woman, doctor. Uh-huh, well, her skin looks like a waffle from the mattress Springs, and it's adhering to the fabric, so I don't know about prints yet. Hey, captain. I have Akron P.D. on the line. They're at the house of the Ohio guy who owns the vehicle that we found at the crime scene. What do you want them to do? Let's keep it all about the car for the moment. Don't mention the murders. This body is old. This "Ohio guy" could be who we're looking for. Captain, our Jane Doe's quite bloated. I can't match her up on Joe Fox's Facebook page, but he's got over 500 friends, lots of pretty women, and quite a few men. Relationship status... Single. I guess it's gonna stay that way. [ Sighs ] I can say three things for sure... She's dead, she's in her 20s, and she was stabbed multiple times. Plus, I think I could get her prints. How soon? Well, after I remove her hands and I soak them in a salt solution, it'll take a little while... Two, three days, maybe. Hold on. Hold on. Lieutenant? Flynn: Okay, captain, I may have an I.D. on our female victim. The guy in Ohio says that he and his wife gave the car to their daughter, Caitlin Harvey, to move out to L.A. last year. Oh! Oh! Ask them for dental records. Wait. No. Don't alarm them. We need to get Caitlin Harvey's L.A. address first. Yeah, one last thing... Her parents say that they've been texting with Caitlin all week. Today, even. The killer has her cellphone. Let's see if we can get a warrant for that number and have S.I.D. meet you at Caitlin Harvey's apartment. [ Cellphone chimes ] [ Cellphone chimes ] [ Engine turns over ] Sanchez: L.A.P.D.! We got a search warrant! Sykes: Apartment's clear, lieutenant. Buzz, why don't you start in the kitchen? I'll check out the bathroom. Smells like he killed her back there anyway. Nut job likes pizza. So now we have two lived-in crime scenes. And this one's older than the last one. Nut job has got us going backwards! [ Blows ] Woman: I live right down the hall. I told Bobby, the guy who was staying with Caitlin, that the smell was so bad we should call the landlord. Had to be some animal dead in the wall. Ma'am, did this Bobby have a last name? I don't know. I met him the first time a week ago in the laundry room. Said he was a friend of Caitlin's. Flynn: Mm-hmm. Can you describe Bobby for us? Early 20s, very good-looking, brown hair, and his body was... I don't know... Perfect. Ma'am, we need you to describe him to a sketch artist, please. Sure. But I have a hard time believing he did anything horrible. Captain, I'm calling Caitlin's parents to see if she had any friends visiting her here in L.A. Good... just make sure they still understand she's missing, not dead. I do not want this killer to know we've found the bodies. Okay. I'm not getting any reception in here. Let's go outside. Any sign of a connection between Joe and Caitlin? Eh, they were both killed in their bathroom. Both of their cellphones are missing. Well, maybe Caitlin had a boyfriend who found out she was cheating with Joe and went nuts. Captain, found this jammed into a crawl space. [ Chuckles ] Stabs one, clubs the other. What's next on the hit parade? Let's hope it's not a shooting. This gun case we found underneath Caitlin's bed... Empty. Man: No, no, Joe didn't work out the way I hoped, grandma. He partied too much, and he liked me... [ Cylinder clicks ] A little more than I did him. [ Laughs ] Yeah, that's no good. But don't worry. Don't worry, though. I'll find a new roommate. In fact, I have five very good leads. [ Dance music plays ] Ladies' night, bro. Back of the line. Hey, big Mike. He's with us. Provenza: The killer's prints don't appear in any criminal database, but Tao's phone tree has borne fruit. There are zero numbers in common between the two victims' cells, but when I checked Caitlin's landline, I found a match. Who belongs to that number? High Crest Productions... They do reality TV. I'm on hold. They're checking for the victims' names, ma'am. This one's incoming. This one's outgoing. Tao: Right, High Crest called Joe Fox's cellphone Friday afternoon, and then, an hour later, someone called in to High Crest using Caitlin's landline. But it couldn't have been Caitlin because she was already dead. Thanks. Uh, hang... Hang on, hang on. The... the people at High Crest never heard of Caitlin, but Joe Fox was a finalist on one of their reality shows... "Poster Boy." Our victim, Joe Fox, was gonna be on television? Flynn: Hey, captain... hold on. Okay, Joe Fox's bank reports a $400 withdrawal by his ATM card Friday at 10:18 P.M., which is around the approximate time of his death. I've got security video on its way. Detective Sanchez, get somebody from "Poster Boy" down here. If anyone other than Joe Fox was making that withdrawal, maybe they can tell us who it was. Uh, uh, uh, what the hell is "Poster Boy"? - They make you do all these interviews... - Yeah. But they only pick like 20 guys. So do they make you take your shirt off? Mm? Because that's your secret weapon. [ Both laugh ] You don't think I'm too short? Too short? ! Are you crazy? You're perfect. [ Chuckles ] So, are you gonna be on the show or not? They called me Friday. [ Laughs ] I knew it! [ Laughs ] Oh, can I... can I take a picture of you? What? So that I can at least say I knew you when? You mean right here in bed? Trust me. It's a good look for you. [ Shutter clicks ] What are you doing? Sending it to my friend... A little photo brag. Let me see it. [ Sighs ] Are you mad? Just protecting my image, that's all. I gave up so much to get here... my job, my apartment, my savings. Just don't want to blow it now. What the hell? [ Chuckles ] Here. Send it. Who cares anymore? [ Laughs ] Send it. Sharon: Do you recognize this man as someone who may have been involved in "Poster Boy"? [ British accent ] I mean, other than Joe Fox, I can't be sure. Well, we think that he may have changed the color of his hair to resemble Joe. You know what? There's something about the way he's dressed. Hold on. I need to check my casting website. May I use your computer, please? Uh, sure. Sit here. Thank you. Captain, how can you be certain this isn't just Joe Fox getting money from his own account? The bloody numbers on Joe's bathroom door turned out to be his PIN code. And we believe he was tortured to give it up. Ah! Okay, look! This is a digital still from Joe's audition. I thought I'd seen that shirt before. Sharon: We know our suspect stole some of Joe's clothes. Now, I'm not exactly an expert in men's wear, but isn't that shirt a little too big for him? Definitely... I'm gonna look up the rejects under 5'11". You people have a height requirement? Well, modeling is pretty superficial, you know what I mean? Oh, Claire, what about that one weirdo from Florida? No, no, no. That guy was already blond. The one they want wasn't blond when we saw him. No, I'm telling you, it's the nutter from Florida... The one who did the karate routine. No, Bruce! It's this guy. Oh, yeah. I remember him. Cocky. Boring. Sharon: His name is Brandon North. Okay, I think he was from the midwest... Maybe Pennsylvania. No, Akron, Ohio, and that's the contact number he gave us. That's Caitlin's landline. Why would he leave Caitlin's landline as a contact? Oh, cell reception's lousy at her place. [ Telephone ringing, police radio chatter ] We need to release his photo to the media. He's out there. He's possibly armed. If we withhold this information and he murders again... Yeah, but these are functional homicides. He kills for food, money, and shelter. If someone can I.D. him, he could start offing people just to stay free. You're forgetting the torture and the mutilation. What's functional about that? No, he's a public-safety issue. But now that we know who he is, we have a chance to locate him and get ahead of him. Best way to do that is to put every citizen... - in L.A. on the lookout. - Uh... mm... There's more than one right answer here, captain. _ [ Door opens, closes ] Man: This quick in and out to meet with his former Chief of Staff marks the President's... - Rusty. - Hey. What are you doing up so early? I-I couldn't sleep. I-I thought you were in your room this whole time. Oh, no, I came back for a change of clothes. You gonna do anything special on your second-to-last day of freedom? Um... I figured I'd just stay home, actually. Hey, is this your case? Yes, it is. Woman: We're gonna roll his audition tape now so the public can get a sense of his voice and mannerisms. I've met every goal I've ever set for myself. Claire: Well, sure, but there are some things that none of us can change. Mm. Sure, yeah. Like, you say you're 5'11"? Yeah, but because of my long neck and torso, i look taller, so... Well, Brandon, uh, those marks behind you are measurements, and you're barely 5'10". Bruce: And just so you know, the "Poster Boy" brand is pretty athletic, so... Oh, I... uh, I played football all through high school, and I-I can easily put on muscle, if that's what you need. [ Chuckles ] Oh, well, what Bruce is trying to say, Brandon, is that you're just too short, and you're not quite buff enough for our show. [ Chuckles ] I'm not buff? [ Chuckles ] Really? I mean... I mean, really? Have you people looked at yourselves? Wow. This guy's scary. We have forensic psychologist Dr. Kris Mohandie here to talk with us about what might drive someone like Brandon North to allegedly commit these murders. Dr. Mohandie, what... what is this? This feels like a deliberate act of humiliation. Exactly. Good. If we could speak to Brandon, he'd give us another perspective... good? This guy Brandon is a psycho. Shh. Shh. Shh. ... The law-enforcement community would love to hear. Because right now, all we know for sure is that this young man was treated unfairly by the series producers... It's not the show's fault that he can't handle rejection. Actually, Rusty, Dr. Mohandie is helping us try and talk to Brandon. You can do that? Yes, we can. We need to try and reach Brandon by every means possible, although I hate that he gets to see himself on TV. Why? Because if he's interested in being famous, and that is all that he is interested in, then he has accomplished his goal by killing people, and, so, he may continue to do that. Woman: Thank you very much. And CNN will get the names of the victims to you as soon as authorities make them available. Woman: So you're trying to find a new roommate online? Yeah... Yeah, so hard to know if people are telling you the truth, though. Hmm. You should just stay here until you find something. [ Water splashing ] Thanks, Raquel. That's nice of you. Hey, we should go out for some breakfast. [ Chuckles ] Okay. Where do you like to go? There's this place on Fairfax, and they have the most amazing buckwheat pancakes. Okay, but I'm, like, only eating protein right now. [ Laughs ] Right. Mr. "Poster Boy." [ Chuckles ] We'll split one. How's that? [ Chuckles ] I'll be like your food coach. [ Laughs ] Thanks for believing in me... Raquel. It means a lot. [ Alert rings ] That's my instant messaging. I thought I turned it off last night. Oh, wait... I only turned it off on my iPad, duh. It's probably Sandy. Turn it off if she's bothering you. She's fine. [ Alert rings, water running ] What's she saying? Oh, she, uh... She just wants to meet me. I knew she'd go nuts when she saw that picture of you I sent. You're so hot, she probably exploded. [ Brushing teeth ] [ Alert rings ] God, girl, get a grip. I'm almost done in here. Brandon? What are you...? [ Glass shatters ] Brandon please! Ahh! [ Muffled screaming ] Tao: First he searched for his victim's names, then he searched for himself. That was two hours ago. Two hours behind is better than two days. We're catching up. Raquel's friend, who called our tip line, sent her this message just before he looked up his name. Oh, my God. We caused this murder. That maniac caused this murder, not us. Kendall says she was suffocated. So he hasn't used his gun yet. Probably too noisy. She's got everything in her purse... I.D., credit cards, phone, but no cash. Tao: Maybe he's running low on funds. Hey, captain, victim's parking spot was empty. Her keys are gone. I put an alert out on her vehicle. He's looking for another place to stay, which means another victim. Taylor: But his face is everywhere now. No one's gonna take him in. We need to find this boy right now. The only other person, besides the L.A.P.D., who knows the names of all three victims is Brandon North. He's already searched for the first two online. If he searches for the third one, probably using one of their stolen devices... That's how we can catch him... because he's hunting all over the Internet to see if we found his victims. Let's serve warrants for every search engine on the web. I want I.P. addresses and live access to anyone looking for the names Joe Fox, Caitlin Harvey, and Raquel Newman, especially... especially together. What about the victims' families? We can't leave them in the dark. Captain, those three names are going to get out to the public sooner or later. The ethical thing would be... The ethical thing would be to make sure no one else dies. We hold on to these names as long as possible because the only person who can link them together besides us is our murderer, and this is the best way to find him before he kills again. No searches for Joe or Raquel yet, but last week in a public library in Glendale, someone did a search on Caitlin Harvey's name, and then he searched for... Taylor: What is that? It's an annual fashion show for charity. Top designers and models from all over the world donate their time... happening tomorrow afternoon. This is what he's saving his gun for. Buzz: Hey, h-hey, hey! We've just been forwarded a live search for "Joe Fox + Caitlin Harvey + Raquel Newman." It's got to be him. [ Indistinct conversations ] Lieutenant, do you have a location? He's somewhere in... The Netherlands... He's routing his device through an offshore server. Is that hard to do? Not at all. However, it does indicate that... He knows he's being watched. But it's still him, look... He's going back to the fashion gala website. Lieutenant Tao, how long will it take to work your way back through the Netherlands' proxy server? Tao: If he stays online for another five minutes... He just turned off his wi-fi. Oh, uh, excuse me. D.D.A. Rios? Emma? Hi. Kris Slater. I'm friends with Rusty Beck. Oh, right. Kris. Hi. What can I do for you? There's something that you need to know, and... Oh, my God. Are you all right? No... no, I'm not all right, because, see, I swore that I wouldn't tell anyone, but if something happened to him... If something happened to who? To Rusty. In the past two months, he's been getting all these threatening letters from some crazy person who wants to kill him and everybody he loves because of the trial, - and I just... - Oh, no. Look. I don't know what Rusty's told you, but he's only received one letter, and that was a while back, actually. No... no, no, no. I saw them. He showed them to me, and there's like over 10 of them, and he doesn't want to tell you because... Look, if you put him in the witness-protection program, he'll never see his mother again, and he will lose everything that he has, so please don't do that, but you have to save him. Please. Okay. And could you tell me where those letters are? He can't know that I told you. He will never hear it from me. We found a search by someone using the same Netherlands I.P. address looking for last year's "Poster Boy" winner... Carlo de Luca. Do you think this de Luca might be the target? He is the only one on the fashion event list who embodies everything that our suspect wants to be. The least we can do is to pull Carlo out of the event and try and keep him safe. But discreetly. [ Breathing heavily ] Brandon North's grandmother is being interviewed on the national news. Sykes, go ahead. Get down to that fashion show and find this Carlo. - Captain. - Yes? There's something important we need to discuss. Unless you can find me Brandon North right now, it'll have to wait. [ Police radio chatter ] Brandon never hides anything from me. I gave him a phone, and he calls me every single day from California. Sharon: So he does have a phone. Get Lorraine North's number in Ohio and all her call records immediately. There's been a terrible mix-up here. Brandon's out there in Hollywood following his big dream. But the truth is, in his heart, he's really just a homebody. Reporter: Mrs. North, can you tell us where Brandon's been living in Los Angeles? Does he have friends? Is he staying with family? Captain, I have grandma's number, and I should have the number Brandon's been using very soon. Once we have that, we can locate him? If it's a cellphone and it's turned on, hopefully by tonight. "Homebody." Brandon: This is complete bullshit, Carlo! You win "Poster Boy," you travel all over the world, you get an Abercrombie deal, even. And this is what you do with it? ! [ Laughs ] [ Chair clatters ] Where's the pool, Carlo? ! You're my last roommate, and you don't even have a freaking pool! [ Breathing heavily ] [ Cellphone ringing ] Hey, grandma. Wow, when did you learn to use facetime? Hi, Brandon, I'm Sharon Raydor of the Los Angeles Police Department. W-what are you doing with my grandma's phone? Where is she? Is she all right? It's okay... Your grandmother let us place a call through her number. We have some important information for you. No, you're just trying to keep me on the phone so you can find me... I'm hanging up. Brandon, we are outside Carlo's apartment right now, so hanging up won't do you any good. We've already found you. Here. Look. [ Police radio chatter ] Brandon? Are you still there? Still there, Brandon? Hello? Yeah, I'm here. Where else would I be? First, I want you to know that we found Caitlin, Joe, and Raquel. Yeah, that was, uh... Raquel was a really nice girl. That was a bad situation, and I, uh... I apo... I-I'm sorry about that. [ Sniffles ] Can... can you tell her parents I, um... I apologized? Well, they'd rather hear it from you. [ Whimpers ] I doubt it. I know you're upset. A lot of people mistreated you, Brandon. Yeah, Joe... Joe was at the interview for "Poster Boy." And he pretended to be all nice to me. He texts me when he gets on the show to rub it in, "let's go out and celebrate," like he didn't know I hadn't made the cut. What about Caitlin? [ Chuckles ] Caitlin. We went to high school together. She said I could stay with her. But then the minute she hears that I'm not on the show, she's like, "Okay, Brandon, you have to leave now." And, man, I... Brandon? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Brandon? Brandon? - Yeah, I'm here. - Okay. It sounds like a lot of people have let you down. But I can help you. I don't see how. I'll tell you how. You are famous now. And, you know, the world works a little bit differently for famous people. You can't turn on the news without seeing your face. And people want to know everything... everything about you. Hey, do you have any news cameras out there with you right now? T-the news cameras? Yeah, out there. Just a second, okay? Don't go away. Hold on. You still there? Okay, hold on a second, Brandon. Hold on. Okay. Now... And you are live, Brandon. Go ahead. Okay. First, grandma, if you're watching, um, I appreciate all the help you gave me to come out here. Mom and dad treated me like I was invisible, but you always believed in me, even when other people thought I was crazy. Brandon? Hey, Brandon. Brandon? Hey. Brandon? You there? Hello? I am really sorry, but the network... You there? Hello? Brandon? There you are. Mm-hmm. Okay, listen, I'm so sorry, but the network says that this interview would be so much more powerful if you would just come outside and you would finish it in person. Just you. Could you do that? No, that's okay. I'm pretty much done. Well, Brandon, hold on. Can I just sleep here for one night? Why do you want to do that, Brandon? - I'm so tired. Sharon: - Why? I'm... I'm ti... You know, Carlo and me were gonna be friends. [ Sniffles ] That was a big goal of mine, especially after I got cut from the show. Brandon, Carlo is right here and he would really love to meet you and he is standing by... look. Hi, Carlo. Do you want to come out and meet him in person? All you have to do, Brandon... all you have to do is put your gun down and come slowly out onto the porch with your arms raised. Oh, I don't have a gun. I don't even like guns. Oh, well, that's... that's good. Brandon, what's going on? Hello? Brandon? Tell Carlo I'm sorry I broke his chair, okay? I have a funny temper sometimes. [ Chuckles ] I'm just passionate about what I want, I guess. Yes. [ Laughs ] But you know what? You have to be passionate to be famous in Hollywood, right? Yes. That is right. And if you really want to meet Carlo, Brandon, all you got to do... is come on out. Tell Carlo I expect we'll end up in the same place. Goodbye. No, Brandon. Don't hang up. No! Brandon! [ Gunshot ] Go! Go! Sanchez: L.A.P.D.! L.A.P.D.! Sharon: Brandon, can you hear me? ! Can you hear me? It's all over, guys. You can stand down. [ Police radio chatter ] Flynn, we're coming in. Copy that. Lieutenants, this is Carlo. Hello, Carlo. Hey. What's going on? Getting rid of the worst house guest ever. Mom and dad treated me like I was invisible, but... you always believed in me even when other people thought I was crazy. I made him think he was on television. I gave him something he wanted without getting something in return. But on the plus side, none of us got hurt, and you spared the victims' families from a long and nasty trial. [ Knock on door ] Listen, Sharon... For whatever it's worth... You did great. Yes. Come in. I, uh, think it might be better if you came to my office. [ Police radio chatter ] What a great first day of my senior year... getting yanked out of class by patrol. Hey! These guys say they don't know what's going on, so what's going on? ! The captain and D.D.A. Rios are waiting for you in Chief Taylor's office. What for? You know what for. Whatever happens next... Know I love you. _ Hey, Detective Winters, thank you for helping get those breaking and entering charges dropped against me and the guys. Don't worry about it. The Assistant DA owes me. That is so hot! I love it when you talk police lingo. So any sign of him? No. But he has to come home sometime. True. Wow. I had no idea stakeouts could be so boring! Is there anything you can think of that might pass the time? I know something. God! I love stakeouts! Hey. Anybody hungry? Starving. Here's your hamburger. No pickles no onions. Just the way you like it. Wow. You guys really know each other well. I mean, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear you guys were totally doing each other. Which would be so hot. And here's your extra large Dr. Pepper which I don't know why you ordered it because we both know you're going to have to go to the bathroom before you get halfway through. He's got the bladder the size of a peanut. Just talking about it makes me want to go. I'm going to go use that gas station down the street. I'll be back. Everything you ordered there, Wood? Seems to be. Well, if there's anything else you might need be sure to let me know. Suspect show up yet? Negative. No. We've been looking at that place the entire time. I swear. The entire time. It got hot in here. I had to unbutton. Yes. Hot. Hey, what is that tattoo on your wrist, Marcus? What is that supposed to be? That's an inside joke between me and a friend. That is funny. Because it looks exactly like the birth mark on Detective Winters penis. It totally is. That's actually where I got the idea. Wait. How do you know about his birth mark? Oh God. My roommates are right. I am so dumb! Are you having sex with Wood? I would never lie to you, Marcus. No. Bullshit! How long as this been going on? Since last Christmas. Last Christmas? Motherfucker! You've been hooking up with this dude since last Christmas? That's fucking outrageous, dude! Not really. It's no more outrageous than some of the stuff you and me have been doing the last few weeks. Actually we do stuff way more kinky than I've ever done with Detective Winters. Shut up, Wood! Wait a minute! You've been having sex with Wood too? Not since last Christmas! Just for the past few weeks. I took our vows seriously! Vows? They make you guys take vows at the police academy? We're married, Wood. I'm confused. You should have that printed on a t-shirt. Wait. Let me get this straight. You guys are partners and you're partners? Wood, would you please step outside while I have a talk with my husband here? Fine. But I am taking my burger with me. Yeah, you do that. Afternoon. Hey. Excuse me. Do I know you? That line almost never works with me. But you're fucking adorable. You look so familiar. I'm pretty sure we've never met. But I would like to get to know you, Chewbacca. So you live around here? I live in that building over there. What a coincidence. We've been on a stakeout looking for a guy who lives in that building. What's his name? Turbo. What do you want with him? Oh, my two hot cop boyfriends want to ask him some questions. Yeah, you heard me right. I'm dating two hot cops. But I'm not monogamous with either of them so you might want to file that away for future reference. So what did you say your name was again? You don't have to tell me! We can just have anonymous sex! Oh shit! Hey guys! We've got a runner! Boy, you guys sure make up fast. It's all right! I got it! Previously on The Borgias: The entire Turkish navy could be burnt to a cinder. What other gifts do you have to bring us? All roads lead to Rome And pass through the Romagna. Our men, united under a common banner will tip the scales one way or another. I have my child, my husband I have everything I wanted. - Everything? - Almost everything. Caterina Sforza has a dark shadow that has crossed us twice now. - What are you doing here? - Let's go. We must know when they will move on Forli. Who did you copy this from? The boy I had to maintain. Your Highness, how would you define my ambassadorial duties? You must keep me informed of your brother's designs. You are a prisoner, my dear. Plain and simple. Who are we to trust? You can trust me, father. You have no alternative. King Frederico of Naples is in league with Caterina Sforza. She will be kept hostage, the moment we attack Forli! And why am I a prisoner? Because you chose the wrong brother. The spy kill him. - How do I leave? - You could make them sleep. I put a whole village to sleep once with this. Why? Why did you become my lover? Why? Because I was made an offer. You tell me how you wish to die, Pascal. In your arms. - Hold me. - Give me your left hand. I see colors and stars They say that is your soul leaving your body. Will you let me go? Never. You're crying. Tears of blood. Forgive me. You have killed so many. But none like you, boy. Well Naples may have her failings, fair ambassador but let no one deny, she knows how to celebrate. So you approve of my little display? It's a wondrous addition. To Bacchus! To a full grape! These men are guards, my liege, they will not partake? Your guards? - Our jailers. - Your protectors. No, they must stay ever alert to the slightest hint of danger to your persons. Given the day we are celebrating let me thank them for their service. Do you guardians have names? Hm. And would you share them with your humble charge. I'm Oliveretto. He's Francesco. Ha! A token of my gratitude for your vigilance. Good health! My God, Lucrezia. Don't worry Maria, they're not dead. They're just sleeping. Lucrezia, it's as if a witch had cast a spell. We are in a fairytale. The witch is me and a magical carriage will come and whisk us to safety in Rome. My thanks. If you do not mind my Lady, we take our pickings. It would not have been possible without our little troop. No, of course. My thanks. - I'm right behind you. - Take care, Bruno. Micheletto doesn't flee. He has, my Lord, there's no sign of him. So you say you've been searching? Since the morning. He has vanished without trace. And you will find no trace unless he wants you to. His only code was loyalty. Can one of you replace him? My lord? Don't even try to answer that. We ride to Naples within the hour. Do you expect to die soon, dear? Oh, the grave awaits us all, Vanozza. We would have our family rest together. Is there room in there for me? For you? A nook, perhaps? Have you spoken to our eldest son? Hardly. He comes and goes like a ghost at night. Well, if he has plans, we would know of them. Did you think he shares them with me? You are his mother. Cesare Borgia is well nigh unknowable. Like a sphinx. You know he has the French king in his pocket and the French army at his call. I haven't been able to. What he's gonna do next? - Have you tried talking to him? - He never seemed to talk to. - Have you tried forgiving him? - For what? For whatever lies between you two. - And what's that? - Only you two know. That's the trouble. - You're too alike. - Hmm. The trouble is I miss him. He called Naples a garden of weeds, Micheletto. But you will need a hundred times these men to take it. I don't want Naples yet, I want my sister. Brother. Stop! Stop. Cesare! Cesare! At last. - We were captives. - I know, you were betrayed. I was betrayed. All of us. Never again. Not everyone got a love like that. - Like what? - Like brother and sister. - Another relic? - Yes, Holiness. What? The head of John the Baptist, perhaps? No, Holiness. A relic of a more recent drama. What? A relic of your crusade against the Turkish navy. Achieved in one fell swoop. Oh, that Venetian ships can ply the Adriatic once more. You can charge them for the privilege and forgo your tithe on my Hebrew brethren. You work you stratagem with oil. Would you do the same with sulfur? Sulfur? We would control the supply of sulfur in this land. Sulfur and saltpeter make gunpowder. Any alchemist can make saltpeter. But sulfur must be drawn from the bowels of the earth. And there is only one source. The Solfatara Caldera. We would use the coin you have saved us to buy of the whole supply and deprive our enemies of gunpowder. - Your enemies being? - Oh, it doesn't matter. Milan, Sforza's Naples, France, whoever wants to wage war will need our compliance. And how does this help my people? There will come a time. Favors will be repaid. And you will be our agent in this. But nothing must connect you to us. And you should present yourself as a Christian. Holiness, I cannot. You'll be trading beyond Rome's protection. The laws of Abraham forbid... We ask you to present yourself, not to convert. Get rid of that... Hebrew... garb. Trim those locks, and pray to who you will in private, but in public...just show a little piety. You are a Christian now. No, but I can pretend. I serve a Christian pope so you can remain a Jew. And I may have a task for our brethren. From the sulfur mines of Solfatara. - Come. - You're home. Thank god! Orsini, I have a task for you. You know I'm at your service, my Lord. The only one I could trust with my family's safety, has vanished. You can trust me. Well, let us see. You're charged with my sister's protection. And that of her husband, and her child. You'll chose her staff, and cooks, a childs nursemaid and man servants. And I would know where she is, where her husband is, at every hour of every day. Is that task enough for you? I'll take him now. Sweet boy. - He's home once more. - Does he remember? The Vatican? Home. Home! It doesn't feel like home. - Are you lost, sis? - Perhaps. He will need a bigger cod How's he? - He made you smile? - No, you did. I did? How? Because you are the joy of my life. The light of my days. You know that I know that that isn't true. How long could we last like this? How long does marriage last? Tell me, the income from this pit in a month is... You must speak to the proprietor. Where is the proprietor? There are many scattered through the region. Their families divide the spoils. Tell them I would buy this years supply. In total? Tell them I would buy every ounce of sulfur this mine produces throughout this coming year. And whatever else lies in storage. You're contemplating a war, sir? A war or a peace, does it matter? This house is yours. Signor Orsini will see to your protection. - Why here? - You need premises of your own. To avoid prying eyes. A place that is safe, protected. I will not have your safety compromised. - And my husband? - What of him? - If he were to arrive back to Naples... - I would not allow it. If you cannot prevent it. You know me sister, certain things I will not countenance. - He could cause public scandal if he.. - He what? Intimates any impropriety between us. We are family, we love each other. We are Spanish, we embrace. Where is the scandal? You know where the scandal is. There's a warehouse filling with sulfur as we speak. I'll make a Christian of you yet. My reward being your heaven. Christian, and an optimist. We like that. Nobody knows of it's location? And they will all blame each other for the lack of powder. You wanted to sow confusion. You read us too well. - Twenty five silver. - Is there gold in those wagons? - What did I pay you for? - Silence. Gold that burns? - Father. Caterina. - Hmm? You must resolve this. Or it will be resolved for us. How? She plots with Naples, she reinforces her stronghold, she requisitions canon. She will soon be impregnable. Are you so sure? Yes. Yes, I'm certain. I cannot understand why you don't share my certainty. Certainty is the preserve of youth. I still have to wait. I know your coffers are full. I know your crusade was an illusion. I know you are re-equipping the papal armies. As you should. Can you give me permission to survey them at least. Survey them, my son. See our Rome's defenses secure. But as for the spider of Forli I have reason to believe she will wait. Florence will neither help nor hinder us. And Machiavelli? Will do nothing. His nothing is worth a lot. He will deny them passage across Florentine lands. Good news. Now the bad. Our powder is almost out. - Powder? - Gunpowder. For the Canon. Supplies of sulfur dried up. Some agency or person has bought them all up. Cesare Borgia! - Is he that clever? - Let us hope not! Nurse, I need an earth for my jug. _ Where's my maid-servant? She's indisposed... my Lady. - Who appointed you? - The master of the household. - Who is master of the household? - I am, my Lady. - And who appointed you? - Signor Orsini. Oh. This behemoth fires the ball with 300 pounds. Admirable. - But there is a problem. - Problem? The powder to fire the ball. Gunpowder is made of saltpeter and sulfur. Saltpeter we have in plenty, but the supplies of sulfur have dried up. How can they just...dry up? Someone has been buying the supplies. From Solfatara Caldera. And that someone has in their power a moratorium on warfare. What a clever man. Caterina Sforza? Too clever, even for her. We need a spy out there, someone to smell out sulfur. Prospero. I shall sniff it up, my Lord. A bird in a cage. How appropriate. We are fully armed, my Lord. As I can see. But for what? For whatever his Holiness intends. - Cesare Borgia! - Alfonso. Finally we're on first-name terms. Spar with me, brother. - Brother-in-law. - You'd love me as a brother. - Have you ever loved your brother? - I did. - Mightily. - So I've heard. Do not provoke me, my Lord. It's spar, not a fight. - You're good with a blade. - Are you surprised? I would not harm that which my sister loves. Does she love me? As she loves her brother. You're in bad humor, my Lord. Yes, dangerously bad humor. This vatican is a hive of whispers and rumors and innuendo's that set my imagination to a fever. You should no heed rumor. But you're the source of them, my Lord! And rumor has it that there are three in this bed, not two. You are both so dear to my heart. Just follow the wagons. Thank you again. Close the gates. You seem curious. We have a treasure here. Just the scrapings of the earth. From where? We collect gravel, shale. Sell it where we can. Hebrews? You would sell the very soil if you could. Does soil have any value? Does it burn? That burns. I've seen it. I'm no Hebrew. I'm a Christian. Bless yourself then. Do you have a master? Who? A mistress perhaps? This is our moment, if ever there was one. Be careful Prospero, you tread on splintered glass. He's starved the powder of all we know, so has she. Someone paid for those shipments, they have a purpose, hidden from you. But does it matter? The point is, those stores exist. I know where. We should capture those stores, hold them both for ransom. - When we have neutered Cesare Borgia... - You hate him, don't you? As do you. I love my hide more than I hate him. If you love your hide, follow me in this. There is only one end-price with him. _ Come with me now. Not now, tomorrow. I was prisoner in Naples and now I'm prisoner in Rome. Maybe we're all prisoners here. Is there another city? Another realm, where I can be free? Of my father my brother. You love them both. Love can be another chain, mother, in this Borgia family. There is a great reckoning coming that will leave none of us the same. I would leave now, if I could. Take my child take you. And your husband? Take him if he would come, but I doubt it. Go home, Lucrezia, you brood too much. You see the wheel-tracks? Follow the trail of yellow. - If I ever get lost... - You're not lost. I am. In a maze of betrayal. He would betray you in a heartbeat. They leave it unguarded? A guard would draw too much attention to it. Here. Look. The store of yellow. The color of betrayal. No, Berlione, no. I'm afraid my friend, yes. My Lord, I found powder. Yes, you found powder. For which I thank you. Now show us around. Show us what you found. - Are you quite ready? - Not yet my Lord. So I didn't give you time enough? With enough time, you would have burnt me in that mount of sulfur. - Is that true, Berlione? - Too true, my Lord. Why Berlione? Why? Because, my friend, this is what we do. We're all connoisseurs of treachery. So can anyone tell me who owns this pile of dust. Caterina Sforza. Why would she store it in Rome? Who was it? King Frederico of Naples? Louis of France? Whoever gathered it here, did so for a purpose. I brought it here. And you are? I'm a humble merchant. That holds the power of life and death. Or in peace. I bought it for an other. Take him outside. And do what? Burn him. I cannot do that, my Lord. No! Take him outside at least. Go home, any of you who will not witness this. I bid you goodnight and light up your way. No. No! No, please! No! No! Go home now, and let this be a lesson to those who would betray me. You are cruel, you romans. We do not forgive. So, sell it to me. I cannot. I haven't named my price. Doesn't matter. Merchants buying we know, but they always sell. Always have their price. None of this is mine, I bought it for an other. - Let him name his price then. - He has no price. Why does he want it? The thought of war disturbs him. Hmm, a man of peace. You could say that. - Well, I would meet with this paragon. - And he is a paragon. It could easily be arranged. He's your father. The pope of Rome. - And he would deny me powder? - Yes. - Why? - Isn't it obvious? Because he fears you. We share the same names. Fathers and sons, it is always thus. - I will have my powder. - With your fathers permission. - Must I beg? - No. But perhaps I can intercede. Holiness. I have commandeered every ounce of sulfur in this land. Now you're both a Christian and a peacemaker. Is that your intention? An Italy a peace. Not entirely. I suspected as much. And as I've done all I can do for you I would return to the tribe of Abraham. Oh no. no,no,no,no. No. We have need of you. We have further plans. We have need of a man with your resource. But you are surrounded by advisors, Holiness. - Cardinals, canon lawyers. - Oh, what do they know of the real world. Can we trust them with anything? Apart from drawing up a papal bull. No. We need you further yet. We need you in hand. I may have found just the man, Holiness. He has talent to burn. It pains him that those talents are so underused. What, is he another Jew, like you? A Christian. A warrior. A leader of men. One that you should take close to your bosom. May I introduce you to him? What? Now? You would play games with me? - Don't you talk to me about playing games. - You would deny me powder? You would make me think it was Caterina Sforza's doing? You would invite the French army to my doorstep! We share the same aims. What of your aims, you do not share them with us. You keep them secret! We are the Pope of Rome! You're also my father, and you still cannot give me your confidence. - - - You are family, are you not? In my people, the bonds of family are unbreakable. Even stronger than family, the bond between father and son. Lord. Do you have a son? It is sacred. Adam beget Kane. Killed his brother Abel. - Abraham beget Isaac. - Whom he offered for sacrifice. And God stayed his hand. So here we are. All of us children of Abraham. So I ask this father to embrace his son. Give him his sanction his support his love His powder, his army. His love. His love He is made in your image. Do you think we don't know that. He is me! All the fire, and the fury. The drive. The pitiless ambition! I look into his eyes, I see myself. Do you expect me to love that! Do you not love yourself, father? Must we hate each other then? Father, please, just... Open your heart to me. What have I wrought for this family? On the altar of power and ambition. A temple built on rotten foundations. And you're asking me to let you continue down the road? Can't do that. You have no option, father. If we weaken now they'll destroy us. There's only one road and that is forward. Trust me! I'll carve you out an empire. But abandon me and... .. we end up in ruins. So give it to me. Your trust. At last. From now on you will have it. And your forgiveness for my sins? Ego te absolvo. Subtitles by Balthasar - Hold me. -Give me your left hand. I see colours. - Like stars. -They say that is your soul leaving your body. Never let me go. Never. You're crying. Tears of blood. Forgive me. You have killed so many. But none like you, boy. - L0vely! 'Oh, yes! What a cork, cos! Good catch! Our Naples may have her failings, fair ambassador but let no one deny she knows how to celebrate. - Hear, hear. -So you approve of my little display. It's a wondrous addition. To Bacchus! To a full drink! To Bacchus! Oh, but these men, our guards, my liege, they will not partake? Your guards? - Our jailers. -Your protectors. No, they must stay ever alert. For the slightest hint of danger to your persons. Given the day we are celebrating, let rne thank them for their service. How is she? No, that's not what I mean. Do you guardians have names? And would you share them with your humble charge? I'm Oliveretto. He's Francesco. A token of my gratitude for your vigilance. Good health. Yes, I'll have another. My God, Lucrezia. Don't worry, Maria, they're not dead. They're just sleeping. Lucrezia, it's as if a witch had cast a spell. We are in a fairy tale and the witch is me. And a magical carriage will come and whisk us to safety in Rome. My thanks. If you do not mind, my lady, we take our pickings. It would not have been possible without our little troupe. -Oh, of course. My thanks. I'm right behind you. Take care, my love. Micheletto doesn't flee. He has, my lord. There's no sign of him. So you say you've been searching? Since the morning. He has vanished without trace. Then you will find no trace. Unless he wants you to. His only code was loyalty. Can one of you replace him? My lord... Don't even try to answer that. We ride to Naples within the hour. D0 you expect to die soon, dear? The grave awaits us all, Vanozza. We would have our family rest together. Is there room in there for me? F0ryou? A nook, perhaps. Have you spoken to our eldest son? Hardly. He comes and goes like a ghost in the night. Well, if he has plans, we would know of them. - You think he shares them with me? -You're his mother. Cesare Borgia is well nigh unknowable. Yeah, like the Sphinx. He has the French king in his pocket, the French army at his beck and call. And nobody knows what he's gonna do next. - Have you tried talking to him? -We never see him to talk to him. - Have you tried forgiving him? -For what? - For whatever lies between you two. -What's that? Well, only you two know. And that's the trouble. You're too alike. The trouble is I miss him. He called Naples a garden of weeds. Micheletto. You will need a hundred times these men to take it. I don't want Naples yet. I want my sister. Brother? Stop! Stop! Cesare! Cesare! At last. - We were captives. -We know. You were betrayed. I was betrayed. All of us. Never again. Not everyone can love like that. Like what? Like brother and sister. Another relic? Yes, Holiness. What? The head of John the Baptist, perhaps? No, Holiness. A relic of a more recent drama. - What? -A relic of your crusade against the Turkish navy. Achieved in one fell swoop. So that Venetian ships can ply the Adriatic... MOHCG more. - You can charge them for the privilege. -Yeah. And forego your tithe on my Hebrew brethren. You work your stratagem with oil. Can you do the same with sulphur? Sulphur? We would control the supply of sulphur in this land. Sulphur and saltpetre make gunpowder. Yeah. Now, any alchemist can make saltpetre. But sulphur must be drawn from the bowels of the earth. And there is only one source. The Solfatara Caldera. We would use the coin you have saved us to buy up the whole supply and deprive our enemies of gunpowder. - Your enemies being? -Oh, it doesn't matter. Milan, the Sforzas, Naples, France. Whoever wants to wage war will need our compliance. -And how does this help my people? There will come a time. Favours will be repaid. And you will be our agent in this, but nothing must connect you to us. And you should present yourself as a Christian. Holiness, I cannot. You will be trading beyond Rome's protection. The laws of Abraham forbid it. No, we ask you to present yourself, not to convert. Get rid of that Hebrew garb. Trim those locks. And pray to who you will in private. But in public, just show a little piety. You are a Christian now? No. But I can pretend. I serve a Christian pope so you can remain a Jew. And I may have a task for our brethren. From the sulphur mines of Solfatara. - Come. -You're home. Thank God. Orsini, I have a task for you. You know I'm at your service, my lord. And you know the one I could trust with my family's safety has vanished. You can trust me. Well, let us see. You are charged with my sister's protection and that of her husband and her child. You will choose her staff, her cooks her child's nursemaid, her manservants. I would know where she is, where her husband is at every hour of every day. Is that task enough for you? I'll take him, nurse. Sweet boy. He is home once more. Does he remember the Vatican? Home. Home. It doesn't feel like home. Are you lost, sis? Perhaps. He will need a bigger cot. As will he. He made you smile. - No, you did. -I did? How? Because you are the joy of my life. The light of my days. You know that I know that that isn't true. How long can we last like this? How long does marriage last? Tell me. The income from this pit in a month is--? - Speak to the proprietor. -Where is the proprietor? There are many through the region. The families divide the spoils. - Tell them I'd buy this year's supply. -In total? Tell them I would buy every ounce of sulphur this mine produces throughout this coming year. - And whatever else lies in storage. -You are contemplating a war, sir? A war or a peace. Does it matter? This palace is yours. Signor Orsini will see to your protection. Why here? You need premises of your own. To avoid prying eyes. A place that is safe, protected. I will not have your safety compromised. And my husband? What of him? - If he were to ride back to Naples? -I will not allow it. If you cannot prevent it? You know me, sister. Certain things I will not countenance. He could cause public scandal if he-- -If he what? Intimates any impropriety between us. We are family, we love each other. We are Spanish. We embrace. Where is the scandal? You know where the scandal is. There's a warehouse filling with sulphur as we speak. We'll make a Christian of you yet. Will my reward be in your heaven? Christian and an optimist. We like that. Nobody knows of its location? And they will all blame each other for the lack of powder. You wanted to sow confusion. You read us too well. Twenty-five silver. Is there gold in those wagons? What did I pay you for? Silence. Gold that burns. Father. Catherina. We must resolve this or it will be resolved for us. HQW? She plots with Naples. She reinforces her stronghold. She requisitions cannon. - She will soon be impregnable. -Are you so sure? Yes. Yes, I'm certain. And I cannot understand why you don't share my certainty. Certainty is the preserve of youth. So I still have to wait. I know your coffers are full. I know your crusade was an illusion. I know you are re-equipping the papal armies, as you should. Can you give me permission to survey them at least? Survey them, my son. See, are Rome's defences secure? But as for the spider of Forli ...I have reason to believe she will wait. Our lady approaches. Make ready! The gates! Florence will neither help nor hinder us. - And Machiavelli? -Will do nothing. His nothing is worth a lot. He will deny them passage across Florentine lands. Good news. Now the bad. Our powder is almost out. - Powder? -Gunpowder. For the cannon. Supplies of sulphur have dried up. Some agency, some person, has bought them wholesale. Cesare Borgia. Is he that clever? Let us hope not. Nurse, I need an earthenware jug. - Where is my maidservant? -She's indisposed, my lady. - Who appointed you? -The master of the household. - Who is master of the household? -I am, my lady. And who appointed you? - My lady. -Signor Orsini. -It's fresh. -Get that oven going. I'll slice it at the table. This behemoth fires a ball of 300 pounds. Admirable. But there is a problem. Problem? The powder to fire the ball. Gunpowder is made of saltpetre and sulphur. Saltpetre we have in plenty. But the supplies of sulphur have dried up. How can they just dry up? Someone has been buying the supplies from Solfatara Caldera. And that someone has in their power a moratorium on warfare. What a clever move. Catherina Sforza? Too clever even for her. We need a spy out there. Someone to smell out sulphur. Prospero? I shall sniff it out, my lord. Basketball. - I'm home. - Ah, welcome back. Miki-chan. Miki-chan, look. Sit down, sit down. - Eh? Why? - Never mind, just sit. Ta-dah. I got it. - No way! - It's true, it's true, it's true. What's that? Did you get the wedding ceremony hall? The ceremony Miki's been longing for will happen 'cause of a cancellation. - We're really lucky. - It's incredibly pretty. But, um, it's just 2 weeks from now. Eh? 2 weeks from now? Is that bad? Well, um... It's just with Sakura like this to have a light-hearted wedding ceremony for myself is... I can understand, but they said they're fully booked for over a year and I think we'll regret it if we don't take this opportunity. Really? Well, I intended to have a new tomesode made, but that would be impossible in just 2 weeks. (tomesode - a woman's traditional kimono) A kimono would do, right? 2 weeks should be fine. I'll do a search on the Internet for one. You'll buy one for me? I'll buy one. No way. Lucky! "Takasago, to this Urafune..." (from the Noh play "Takasago," by Zeami Motokiyo) Here it comes! You guys do it, too. Do it together with Grandma. Yo! Japan's best! And that's why we're here? Yes. This is my first wedding beauty treatment salon. Since Miki's so stingy, I think it's funny Miki would want to go to a beauty treatment salon. Didn't I tell you I was economizing? - Sakura. - Huh? I'm sorry about doing it at a time like this. What are ya sayin'? Don't worry 'bout that. I'll get angry. More importantly, about yer hairstyling and makeup. Would ya be okay with me bein' in charge of that? - Of course. - Mine too, please. Understood. - By the way, Sakura. - Huh? Have you talked to him since then? I haven't talked to him. I see. But it doesn't matter anymore. When I was told I was being lied to, it was a shock. Still, these months I've spent with him were incredibly fun. And besides, thanks to him sayin' he loved me, that'll be my greatest memory. Thing is, there's a 15 year difference between us, right? It's only natural it'd be weird for us ta go out together. I guess after knowing' it was a lie, I wonder just who he was until now. He's quite clever, ain't he? Well, things are a little painful for me right now. But I'll get over it as time passes. Well, I'm sorry for all the worries and such I gave ya. That's all fine, but... Still, I don't think all of it was a lie. Shima-san, you saw it too, didn't you? At the tournament when Sakura collapsed. He was seriously worried about her, wasn't he? If that was a lie, it went way past just acting. What's more, he gave up his bicycle to become something like a marriage swindler? "Swindler." I mean he looked like he was serious about her. I know, but... Heiwa Fansubs Presents: "Last Cinderella" Episode 10: "I Will Protect You" "Reserved for Today" Ah, they've opened. Thank you for waiting. Come in. Please proceed slowly. "Hasegawa Shima-san's Omiai Meeting" Oh... - Kenichi-san! - Eh? - That's all of them. - Eh? Really? Ah, excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me, excuse me. Excuse me! Ehh... Thank you very much indeed for gathering today for Hasagawa Shima-san's Omiai meeting. I run this Soba Bar... It ain't "old hag"! (A pun on "Babaa", "old hag") SOBAR. I am SOBAR's Manager, Endo Kenichi. Very pleased to meet you. Now, let's have the person herself appear right away, shall we? Shima-chan! Welcome! Good afternoon. I am Hasegawa Shima. It's an honor to have so many people gather to meet me. Well then, I have a question. I'd please like to see a show of hands of those of you who want to sleep with me right away. - Me! - Me! Me! Thank you very much. Well then, to all those people who've raised their hands I'm very sorry, but could you leave just like this? - Eh? ! - Eh? ! I'm sorry, even though you went to all the trouble of coming. But I'm not looking for a partner to sleep with. I want someone who is interested in what's inside me rather than for my body. I am truly very sorry. Good-bye. Farewell! - But I've been in line since this morning. - Thank you! Hold on, hold on. Hey, hey, everyone's leaving? If you want, it could be us in a separate room. Um, we could talk. What a waste! Yes. Then, I'm sorry. Excuse me, but of those who remain, could you please raise your right hand? Are you ready? Then, here goes. First one is best! Rock-paper-scissors! Ah, only one winner! Eh? Then excuse me, but all those of you other than scissors will please leave. Thank you very much. I'm sorry. Excuse me. Farewell. - It's over already? - I'm really very sorry, geez. Please come see me again. What's your name? Ko... Kondo. Kondo Suguru. - Suguru-san, right? - Yes. Well then, it's sudden, but could you start dating me as of tonight? To... tonigh? ! To... tonight. Are you okay? Calm down. Of... of course. Of course. Thank you very much. Are you okay? Like I said, calm down. Are you gonna be okay dating that guy? It'll be fine, won't it? He seems to be a serious man, doesn't he? That's true, but... But deciding this with rock-paper-scissors... Sakura and her boyfriend may not give up. Eh? I want to prove that it doesn't matter however it might start. - Whaa! - I won, I won. I beat Kakeru. This is my first win. I heard from your father. Huh? That you stuck up for me in front of your Grandma. Thank you. Ah... We get hamburger today, huh? - I love hamburger. - Papa, you get this. - I get a white hamburger? - Ah Ko-chan, this is a tofu hamburger. Tofu? Eh? Why? Why? Because we have to be careful not to raise your blood sugar levels any higher than they are. That's right. Do what Miki-san says and hurry and get over this condition. - Still, Miki-san. - Yes? I've heard okra and onions are best at lowering blood sugar levels. Ah, is that right? What? Haven't you checked into it? I did check. Even I did. - "Even I did"? Look you. - Say, is it okay to eat? - Ah, yes. - Sure. - Itadakimasu! - Itadakimasu! Yes. Ah... I'd rather have one of those... I have one, too. Miki. Itadakimasu! Itadakimasu! Delicious! - Thank goodness. - Super delicious. Mama's the best cook ever! "It's the mundane Day to day things That make for a couple's love" Here. Thanks for waiting. - I'll go. - No, I will. - I will. - Then, I'll go. - Go ahead. - Go ahead. Then, let's go for some karaoke next. Let's go. I want to hear Sakura's Akina. (Nakamori Akina, Japanese pop singer and actress from the '80's) - I want to hear that, too. - This is enough already. All of you, thanks. Geez, thanks to you guys, I've made a complete breakthrough already. I don't want to go out anymore. I'm exhausted. Just where are you exhausted? Look at the way you're eating. It's not particularly that we're trying to cheer you up Sakura-san, right? Right, right, right. We only just want to hear Sakura-san's singing, right? - Right. She's right. Right? - Right. Everyone. This is far more than you deserve. Let 'em hear just how bad an Akino you can be. Hey! Compared to your "Cape Erimo," I'm 10, no 100 times better! Fool. Whoever hears my "Cape Erimo" would say it's better than the singer himself, right? Tomonari-kun. Please send a tip about this over to Mori Shin'ichi-san's office tomorrow. (Mori Shin'ichi - male enka singer who originally sang "Cape Erimo") Understood! Oi, Tomonari. Just whose side are you on? - Eh? Sakura-san's, but... - Yeah! Then, thank you for treating us, Tachibana-san. - Huh? - Thanks for treating us! - You, too? - Then, let's go. Mayoi mayowasa rete kanibaru Lost and bewildered in the Carnival Sakura-san. You're persistent, aren't you? Act responsibly and give up. Sakura-san. Please listen to what I have to say. Let's go, Sakura-san. Sakura-san. Sakura-san. It was a lie at first but it became true love along the way. I felt I'd have to tell you the truth someday, but... I don't understand it myself, but I just gradually became charmed by you. Only, after I realized that, I couldn't tell you out of fear of losing you. I truly love you now! My proposal was my true feelings! If I win the championship tournament please see me once more. I'm sorry. - Sakura-san. - Sakura-san! Just stay away from her from here on. Just the sight of you hurts her. To start with you can't make her happy, now can you? I CAN make her happy. I won't hurt her, not even a little. If you really do love her then think seriously about that. Don't be so tense. Ah, I'm sorry. I haven't been on that many dates. - The waiter will pick that up. - Eh? Ah, I'm sorry. Thank you very much. Why did you sign up for my omiai? I wanted to change. I've hated these rising symptoms I've had in myself since forever. If it was with you... If it was with a dignified woman like you, I felt I would be able to change. I'm the same. Eh? Ah, ah... This is delicious. Suguru-san, have some, too. Ah, yes. It really is delicious. Ah, could I get another serving of wine? Of course. Excuse me! Excuse me! What's that? "Incredible! Hey! Kyaa! Incredible!" "Because I wanted today to be perfect, I worked hard." From him? Just a minute. Are you gonna forgive that guy? I'm just thinkin' that not all of it was a lie. Just how far will you go being a softy? Get ahold of yourself and open your eyes. Even though he hurt you you still love that guy? Do what you want. This is nice. Look, it's the same as the one in that poster. Not the pants, not the pants. Just the jacket. - How about this? This, this, this. - Isn't that fine? Um, you go ahead and decide on that. I've got to do this here. Are you upset? Think about this seriously. - I am thinking. It's just this is... - Yes, yes, yes. - We should do this together... - Here, your tea. That's right. I'm the happiest I've been in my life. That's great. Thank you for waiting. It's grown out quite a bit, hasn't it? Excuse me. From Toyama Sakura My vases are all full. Any more than this would be a problem. So... can we meet right now?" Where are you going? Are you still chasing after that woman? Please act right and give up on her. The lies have already been exposed, right? Sakura-san is important to me. I won't give up on her! I won't allow it. I absolutely won't allow just you to be happy. If you go to that woman's place I'll take all of these. - Chiyoko. - I'm serious. I'll take all of them even if I won't die. What is this? We've been together all this time, haven't we? Are you going to abandon me? Don't go, Hiroto. I can't stand being alone anymore. Please don't leave me alone. "Just as My heart had recovered It's broken again" "Tachibana Rintaro - Day Off" Miki's Mom will be under Haru-chan's care. - And her father-in-law is in Non-chan's care. - Yes, understood. Tomonari-kun, you will please keep an eye on the groom and Miki's father. If you please... Roger that. On that day because we will be attending as a set to help the relatives finish their dressing please be ready to help one another out. What's with that stomach of yers! ? What's that? Afterwards, help out around... It's rare for us to get a fax, isn't it? - That's true. - Nowadays anyway. Huh? What is it? Sakura-san. Yes. What is it? What? What? What's come? "Notice of Personnel Change" "Manager Tachibana Rintaro" "Ordered to the NY Branch Office" No way. It says "New York." Yes, yes, I'm opening up right now. Hey, what is this? What's this about? If you'd look, you'd understand. It's just as it's written. What on earth is this about? It's only been 3 months since ya came to the store, ain't it? Besides, why New York of all places? I want to know what the reason is. It's going to open in the Fall. I didn't think I'd be sent to a foreign country, but that can't be helped. I'm the one who applied for a transfer, after all. What's this about a transfer? ! What on earth is that? Why did'jya make such a selfish decision fer? Calm down. If I'm not around, then you'll get your long-desired wish to become a Manager, right? Even if it's for that, what good is it? What I want to hear is... Never mind. Have it your own way. Then what am I supposed to do! ? The woman I love is marrying another man and doing nothing but staring at the ring he gave her. Hurry and go. New York, huh? That's far away. Yeah. What is it you frankly think? What do you think of Rintaro? Tachibana has always been there at my side so it just feels natural that he be at my side. So when I heard talk about a transfer, I was seriously pissed off. But when it comes to love, ya could say it's different from that somehow. We fight over anything so I have this sensation he's like a member of the family I just get along with. I see. Well, that's true, isn't it? For someone you've thought of as being just a friend up until now you can't suddenly think of him as a man, can you? It's tough, isn't it? Still, the sort of relationship where thinking about being separated from him and not being able to see him makes your heart beat like crazy is fine, but there's also the kind where you can be relaxed around him and just be yourself. Don't you think that that sort of relationship, too is also a form of love? Well, I'm not particularly saying you and Rintaro should force yourselves in any way. Why did'jya have ta put the full amount on such a wretched horse fer? You guys have gotta stop this! I'm sorry. Ala? If it ain't Hiroto's girl. What a coincidence. Hey. This mark is from where ya bit me. I've still got a bruise. I wonder if I shouldn't ask fer some consolation money? Hey. Won't ya get out of the way? - I'll call the police. - You'll call 'em? Hey... what are ya doin'? Take her. Hey, hey... let me go. Ah, welcome. Ala? Didn't you bump into Sakura-san? - Nope. - That's strange. She only just left a minute ago. What is this? Just 3,000 yen. ($31) Huh? ! An old lady like her outta have a little more. Well, let's see. What's yer pin number? Enough of this already! If ya thinks ya can get away with this, yer greatly mistaken! Shut up! Talkin' all the time. Just shut up, ya old hag! What are you guys doing? ! And what are ya doin'? ! Take this! Oi, get 'im! Sakura-san. Yusuke! - Over here! - You there! What are you doing? ! Let's go. Oi, old man. I'll remember this. Stop there! Hey! Tachibana, you okay? Wait, lemme see. Ah... that must hurt. Where, where? Ah, that must hurt. Are you okay? I'm fine, I'm fine. Ah, thank goodness. Thank goodness. - Damn... - Ahh... you surprised me there. Don't do that, oi. That hurts geez, dammit. - Here goes. - Ow. That hurts. It hurts, it hurts, doesn't it? - Never mind; it's okay, geez. - No, no, no, if you say that, it won't heal. That's enough, I said. And I said it won't heal that way. Geez, ya never listens ta me. Ah, that's right. Here. That's right! Thank you. Ah but, I'm really sorry ya got hurt on my account. It wasn't your fault. Those guys were the bad ones, after all. That guy... He's the older brother of the girl Hiroto-kun was going out with before me. Because I had him break up with her when we were dating, this is my fault. So while it can't be helped that I got entangled in it I'm really very sorry that Tachibana ended up involved in it. Everyone keeps telling me, "you're not involved," "you're not involved." Eh? Because I love you, I am involved, aren't I? I'm very much involved! What are you saying? Let's see... I'll put all this away. This is the antiseptic... Will you come with me? To New York. Until now I've thought your feelings were the most important thing. But I'm not going to just endure this anymore. I will make you happy. I will protect you. So let's go together. Thank you very much. Thanks... Okay... I'm going to meet with Hiroto-kun today. I guess I should have a proper talk with him. I see. Yeah. It's me. Can we meet right now? Hiroto-kun. Thank you for the flowers. Did you see my e-mail? I see. Has something happened? Hiroto-kun? It WAS a lie. Eh? Geez, you're such a hopeless person. I've tricked you again. So it was all just a lie. Telling you that I loved you and the proposal to you... was all lies. You understand, don't you? Think about it. There's just no way a young guy like me would be serious about an old woman like you. Ah, it was amusing. But I'm bored with it already, so let's finish it. Could you not keep after me anymore? It's gross. Ken-chan. My check. Eh? Leaving already? Won't you wait a little longer? She won't come anymore. Rintaro. I thought you were the S type, but you're a fine M type, right? What's that about? However you think about it, allowing Sakura-chan and him to meet makes you a masochist, right? Either way, I can't take someone who's confused along with me to New York. You should be well past such things, Rintaro. And? When do you go? Next week, I guess. Hmm... It'll be lonely without you. Here. Thank you. What's wrong? Did something happen between you two? Did something happen? What happened? ! "Final Episode Concluding Special" "This Drama is Fictional" Ah, Hiroto-kun. You won't see me unless I show up like this, now would you? There's no particular reason for you to be Tachibana's woman, is there? You're bent. Never mind; just hurry and make her fall for you. He says the difference in our ages has nothing to with it and that he wants to date me. I feel somehow like he's teasing me. - You're scared. - I ain't scared. You're just gotten used to being hurt and giving up, haven't you? I hit it, I hit it! Hold still. Achoo, damn it, dammit. 'Morning! - Good morning! - Good morning! What are you looking at? On the cover of this fashion magazine, the Manager of the main office in Ginza appears. Hmm... This is him, huh? A first page interview. Is he that popular? Because he's someone who became Manager when was younger than Tachibana-san. "With sure skills and a bold management strategy..." "...he's grown the Ginza store into the top store in the industry," it says here. It was Tachibana-san who got the Ginza store that far, wasn't it? Wouldn't Tachibana-san feel depressed if he saw this? - Let's hide it. - That's for the best. - Eh? Me? ! - Ohayo! Whaa! He's here, he's here. - Oh, everyone's here? - Me? ! Okay. Then let's start the meeting. C'mon, hurry it up. Hurry and get set. Ehh... This year, before Golden Week we'll be holding our annual HAPPY GO LUCKY STYLING LIVE. The highlight event this time around will be a hair show involving all our stores. Naturally the reputation of each store will turn upon who wins or loses. It's been decided that I'll be the rep for our store. Well, since that day's a regular holiday for us, any of you who are free can come watch but since I'm a shoo-in to win, you can just leave it to me. Got it! Safe... Ehh.. Listen up everyone. The Vice-Manager has gotten her first man in 10 years. Eh? You did it! It certainly is auspicious, but wandering away like that during a meeting is a bother. After being without love for so long, she's now a typical example of what you'd call a half-wit. Each of you, don't let yourselves fall in love to her degree. - That is all. - Yes. Today and everyday... let's all please get along! Yeah! Oi. Hold on. What was that just now? It was for the sake of getting your fighting spirit back, wasn't it? When their boss is a half-wit, it annoys the subordinates, right? I ain't no half-wit. Ah, yes, yes. And don't come to the STYLING LIVE. If you came, you'd bring me bad luck. What are you saying? You really do want me to come, don't you? "From Hiroto: Sorry for calling during work. I had fun the other day. Could we hook up when you're done?" You're giving me the creeps. I'm sorry. "A pounding heart In your mature years Can give one the creeps (;_;)" I didn't like it there somehow. I'm not my daughter-in-law's vacuum cleaner. No matter how often she goes to work, even just once a week things can't help but get dirty. Mom, it's okay to run one. Even in the best of times when the daughter-in-law is away, I could see the children getting into trouble. If I was going to take up all their housework, there wouldn't be any need for a daughter-in-law. - That's true. - However whenever I'd meddle, even just a little she'd tell me she does things her own way and to please leave her alone. A demon daughter-in-law. She's a demon daughter-in-law. - So that's why, Miki-san. - Ah. Yes. To put meaning behind my protest I decided to run away from home to Kohei's place here for a little while. At last I can take a load off. This food'll go smoothly down my throat. Yeah. Seconds. - Miki, me too. - Yes. Half of what I had earlier'll be fine. We will do the kneading with this part of the palm. Because the dough dries out easily, please do it as skillfully as possible. This is no joke! Why should I be the one who takes care of Mother-in-law? That's true. For what reason did we put down the deposit to have that wonderful two-family house of theirs be built? When they said since my husband's the second son, she should do as she likes, I was fine with that but they haven't put in a single yen for us! They're doing all this for themselves. Hey. Sakura-san. Hello. Sakura-san. Huh? Your eyes are already looking off somewhere else. This is due to old-age love. Saying "old-age." You're treating me like I'm elderly. That's sticking pretty firmly there. - Look. Cute, isn't it? Look. - Yeah, cute, cute, cute. It's cute, Sakura. But that plain bread is used for texture. - Eh? - What's more, it's pre-fermentation. Inside Sakura's head right now, she's in this state where things are pouring into her brain matter. Ah. I know about that. Isn't it something about dolphins? She's gotten a little of her "endorphins" back. Right now what is called PEA, an arousal-type hormone, is being secreted and her head is full of hearts and that's why she's in love mode. Either way, that doesn't have anything to do with me. Ah, no, no. Eat some chocolate. - Itadakimasu! - Thanks. Yum. It's bitter. Goes great with drinks. Right? Um, this... I received this as a gift, but please have some after you've eaten. Ah, thanks. This type of chocolate is a substitute for drugs in the brain. Like those endorphins that bring you a sense of well-being. Endorphines are hormones secreted during sex, aren't they? That's why women love chocolate so blindly. It seems to be important for their brain matter. The theory why they go berserk so easily when they reach middle age and older is because of a lack of serotonin. But conversely, when serotonin is being secreted properly your powers of concentration increase and it seems your minds and bodies become healthier. Ah, because it's been written that this secretion can be promoted through simple exercises... - ...could we do a few of those here? - Ah, Do it, do it. Okay. - Please form a line here. - Yes. Spine stretch. A, I, U, E, O! Please say that. Yes. A, I, U, E, O! A, I, U, E, O! A, I, U, E, O! A, I, U, E, O! A, I, U, E, O! A, I, U, E... - Let's continue. - Say, feel free to join us. - If you would please. I'm sorry. - Go ahead. Shake your arms firmly. Let's go. A, I, U, E, O! A, I, U, E, O! A, I... Ah, so cute! It's so cute I can't eat it. What's with that character look? To me she looks more like Munch's "The Scream" though. Shut up! - By the way, have you done it a second time? - A second time? We're talking sex here, right? There's that. But that's okay already. - Huh? - "That's okay already"? It's okay if we don't have sex. Kissing is more than good enough. What are you saying? Love without sex is like the Isono family without Sazae-san, isn't it? (famous manga/anime character) Whaa! That would be extremely boring. I mean, think about this calmly. I couldn't show him a body like this. I'm just glad I was drunk the first time around. If you're that embarrassed about it, get some exercising in. Come in to my gym every day and in a month I'll get you into shape. Sorry, but I've got neither the time nor the will-power for that. I guess it's best I just spend my entire life platonically. Your entire life? What about children? At 39, you could just barely squeeze that in. There's no age limit when it comes to marriage but you can't say that about having children. Well, that's true. But do you think I could burden a 24 year-old with such heavy baggage? 24, huh? That really is young. That's true. By the way, what kind of work does he do? I don't know. - Eh? ! - Eh? ! Yo. Want to eat this Jolly Bakery bread? I can eat anything when I get hungry enough. Arigato. I should've just gotten something from a convenience store. And? What'd you come all the way out here for today? Nothing really. Since you said you were busy practicing, I just came to drop that off. That's it? Is it that weird if I only come to drop something off? Yeah. You could call it ominous. How rude. The tournament's close, isn't it? I'll be cheering for you just this once. I'm honored. No more? I'm still starving. The next one'll definitely come from a convenience store. By the way, she'll be falling for me before long so what should I do after that? Is there some goal as to how far I should take this? Oi. She's getting up there in years. If she starts pushing for marriage, I'll have to tell her the truth. You can't! That's the one thing you can't do. That'd be a breach of contract. Since when have we had a contract? Finding out Rintaro-san and her are in the same apartment complex was a real shock. Isn't it about time you put something into motion of your own? Huh? Are you okay with just staring at him like this? That middle-aged guy is getting up in years too; is he likely to live the rest of his life alone? I know that even without you telling me! But you're the one who would best understand why I shouldn't, wouldn't you? Sorry. I'm leaving. Okay. Ah... Ah. Ala? Bye-bye. Ah... To all those in front of their TVs, I'm everyone's Shuzo! Now, it's decided. Get into your Guts Pose! Now first off, sit-ups! Congrats! (old-man talk) I'm dead. Ah, hold on a minute. Ow, that hurts. Ow, ow, ow... Oi! What are you doing? ! Don't you go saying the world this, the world that. Ah! That's great! This is why you won't win at Wimbleton. "A diet Is, in the end Drinking a beer" Ahh... I want to start searching for models right away. We aren't only cutting hair this time around I think I want to show off our perm techniques. Hair color brightening in that soft, foreign-method wave-style, so look for girls with long hair. Will you be able to give a perm during the show? The show itself is the second half but the models and stylists will be introduced during the Opening. If we treat this like a surgical operation, we should be able to make it just in time. So search for models we can use during whatever free time you have. - Yes. - Yes. You're really on the offense here. I told you I won't lose, didn't I? - Hmm... - Ah, yes yes. This guy'll be there, too. Who's that? HAPPY GO LUCKY's hope. The one you're not going to lose against? It doesn't matter, but is that all you're gonna eat? Huh? Ah, ah. You usually eat like a man. What? Is your stomach sick or something? No, not particularly. Okay. Ala? This machine is giving off some strange sounds. That was you just now, wasn't it? Huh? It was this machine... Who put this here, for pete's sake, geez. Okay. There, throw you away. Ah, I'm starving... Whaa! Whaa! Incredible! What was that just now? It's called a BMX; it's for bicycle matches. Awesome. You're like a pro. For now I am a pro. Eh? Then, this is your current job, Hiroto-kun? Exactly. Ah. Incredible. I want to see more... I'm done. Truth is, I'm not supposed to do this here. I see. Too bad. Here. I practice daily at the skate park behind the station, so come see me there next time. Everyone there is amazing. Yeah. I'll definitely come. Yeah. So long. Bye-bye. Sakura-san. On our next date, would you be okay in going where I want to go? Of course. Where do you want to go? - To your place. - Eh? Because I want a home date and eat the home cooking Sakura-san makes; let's do that. - So long. - Yeah. A home date. Home cooking. Seriously? Heiwa Fansubs Presents: "Last Cinderella" Episode 3: "The Old Man-Woman's Huge Struggle? ! The Couple's Night Alone...! So noisy. Ow! What's with all this noise? ! Ah! Dammit! Oh? This is heavy! Ah, dammit! What's this? It's just you, Kin. I thought it was some old man. You're in time. Come help me out for a bit. I can't move this; I've hurt my hips. You're so useless. Grab that corner there and carry it over here. Yes! (and more old-man talk) Whoa. What's that? Whaa! That brings back memories! It's dirty! When was the last time you cleaned around here? Around the time I moved in here about 5 years ago, maybe? Filthy women aren't popular, you know. It's been 5 years since I last saw you. And you're not listening. A new apartment needs to be cleaned regularly. A new apartment? - You're moving, right? - Who is? Well, you are, right? You aren't? ! I'm only cleaning. If you just looked around you could tell. This your end-of-year spring cleaning? No matter how you look at it, this just like you're moving out. But I can't help that, now can I? I'm having a home date. A home date? Hold on, okay? Wait here. Could you carry that over there? (and more old-man talk) Why do I have to be the one who helps you clean your apartment? I helped when you moved in, didn't I? It's only natural for a subordinate to help their boss move in, isn't it? Such things are called Power Harassment nowadays. I love Power Harassment. Ah. I'm going back to sleep, so keep it down. Okay? Ah! Wait! Such a petty bastard. No surprise there. (more old-man talk) Heavy, heavy, heavy! I'm sorry. Good luck looking it up on COOKPAD. (a recipe community site) Yeah. So long. - Miki-san? - Whaa! - I wanted to get this washed. - Eh? Ah. Um... Since I've already finished that for today, would it be okay to wait until tomorrow? Because I only brought over this one set of pajamas I need it washed now so I can wear it again tonight. Ah. Then, please leave it with me. - I'll hand wash it later. - Ala! What a help you are! Ah. And then, could I have fish for tonight? Not sashimi, but boiled or baked. If you would please. This isn't a joke. Why do I have to hand-wash Mother-in-law's pajamas? And moreover, fish tonight? I can't do this anymore. 5, 6, 7, 8. 2, 2, 3... - Sensei? - Ah, yes. Yes. 1, 2, 3, 4... - Thanks for all your hard work. - Good night. Shima-sensei. It's been awhile; how about tonight? Ah. Sure. - So long; at the usual spot. - Yeah. Who was that just now? He was wearing a ring, though. That has nothing to do with you, now does it? More importantly, what did you come here for? Don't put it like that. We promised to never meet again, didn't we? What'll you do if Miki finds out? It was Miki who told me to come. Eh? ! She said I'm to come until I lose at least 5kg. Why didn't you just refuse? Well, I thought it'd be unnatural if I refused. Besides, there's something I earnestly wanted to discuss with you. Could you give me some time when you're done? And? What did you want to discuss? Well, it's a little tough to talk about it here. Isn't anyplace fine? We're definitely NOT going to a hotel! That was only because I didn't know you were Miki's husband at the time. Sorry, but sleeping with my best friend's husband would be a bit of a problem! No, no. Not so loud. Shh... - Then, um, I'll tell you. - Go ahead. Truth is, it seems I have ED. (erectile dysfunction) - ED? ! - Not so loud! Seriously? ED is going around though. I haven't gotten a reaction for a long time now. Well, I've only got Miki, so anyhow... Look. I wasn't any good with you Shima-san, right? That's when I was convinced about it. That I had ED. I'd like to get over it somehow. But I'm against going to a hospital about it. Still, I can't talk to just anyone about such a disgraceful thing. And, since it's you, Shima-san, and well, since I've already shown you my shameful side I figured maybe you could give me some good advice about it. All right. I'll listen for a little while. If you would please. Hurry and go home. Miki's waiting for you. OK, OK, OK. "Mobil Review by COOKPAD Sole Poilet" What's a "poilet"? What are you doing? Don't tell me you're leaving already? Hey, Hiroto. Geez. STYLING LIVE? One stylist from each of our stores comes and we have a hair make-up showdown. Ehh... Sounds interesting. Right. It'll be quite rousing. If you'd like, Mika-san, you could invite some friends along. Our Manager says he'll definitely win, so come cheer for him. Yeah. All right. There. Ala? Is that the show model? Seems so. So long, thanks for your hard work. - Good night. - Thanks for your hard work. Ala? Well, that again. You found a cute girl with long hair, didn't you? Well, it was due to me. Don't complement yourself. So long. Please do your best. - Excuse me for leaving before you. - Yeah. - Thanks for your hard work. - You worked hard! When she's got a boyfriend, she leaves early, doesn't she? I envy her. - You guys have to work overtime today. - Understood. Ah, hold on. Ah, wait. This is a little soon for me. Ah. Ah. Wait. Ah. Ah, right now's a little... Could you turn off the lights? Ah, stop. Ah, fool. Ah, stop. Ah, fool... Not that. Excuse me! Geh. And right when I was at a good point, too. What is it? Ah! That's right. Ah. You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? I'll say the same thing right back at you. Why are you doing this to me? Like I said, that's MY line! And? When were you planning to let go of this? Seems this is the only bottle, huh? - Should we ask for the store manager? - Do you feel like waiting around in the meantime? I'm going to put this to use, though. To use? Don't tell me for cooking? What else would I use it for? You're going to use a Montepulciano for cooking? ! For the cooking you'd make, the cheap stuff over there is plenty good enough... - I like this one! - Let go, you wench! Never! Absolutely never! - Rock, paper, scissors then. - Sure. Okay! Ready and go! Rock, paper, scissor! Look over there. Okay, you lose! - Okay, leggo already. - No freakin' way! Ah, it's Ken-chan. Ala? What's this? - You two out together? - It's just a coincidence. What are you doing? - Fighting. - Fighting. You get along, don't you? Ah, that's right. Rintaro, want to come and eat? Huh? I'm supposed to be teaching Sakura-san cooking after this. There'll be a feast. You can even drink while you're waiting. That's okay, isn't it, Sakura-san? That's why I'm gonna use this. What's this, what's this? Let's see. Sole Poilet in white sauce... - That's quite difficult to make. - It is? - Let's try this first, okay? - Yeah. Okay. Then, cut the sole into 3 pieces. 3 pieces. OK. I know I can do that. Okay! Then I'll prepare the ingredients for the white sauce. Oi, oi, oi! Huh? What is it? It ain't, "What is it." What are you doing? He asked me to cut the sole into 3 pieces, but I can't cut this down that easily. There's Sakura-san joking around again. EH? ! Ken-chan. She's more even ignorant than expected. Such poor cooking means she has no sense for it, and it's on the same level as her common sense. Look, like the ones they put on TV's "What Rumors of Tokyo." She's on the same level as those guys they put on their "I Can't Cook" corner. I can't help it! Because I never got the chance to! That's why I'm practicing like this, aren't I? There's a level you can reach with a flurry of practice and there's a level you can't reach. If you can't do it, you can't and that's fine, isn't it? - Better than showing yourself off like this. - Ain't true! Well, maybe it is. Even if you tried the impossible, you'd just wear yourself out anyhow. - It's just futile resistance. - True. I'm useless when it comes to putting a lot of energy at being in love. Well, I don't think that's the only thing you're useless at though. Be quiet! Isn't it okay? It ain't like I cook for a living, you know. Look! She's turned defiant! When a woman gets up in years, she's quick to turn defiant, isn't she? You've been bitching away for awhile now, haven't you? You're just distracting me here, so go on home. - Oh, I will go. So long. - Go, go already. - Ken-chan, so long. - Ah, it'll be refreshing. Ah, hold on. This is mine. - Why? I'm the one drinking it. - It's my glass. Now, now... The both of you calm down! It's the middle of the night. You'll bother the neighbors. It's done. - So fast! - So fast! Achoo! Damn it. Eh? "I need to do the stocking, so I'm leaving first. Hope your date is a success! Kenichi" Ah... I'm sleepy. What is it? You're so noisy. Don't give me, "What is it?" What are you doing sleeping here? Ala? What's the time right now? 10... 10 o'clock. 10. This is bad. I have the rehearsal for the show at noon. - That's right! You need to go. - You come with me. I ain't coming. Because I've got my home date. Ah, that's right. I feel sorry for that boyfriend of yours who has to eat that minced sole. I couldn't serve him such a thing, now could I? Hurry up. You'd better get going. Ah, that's true. Oi! Win it! Yeah. Okay. I have to get after things, too. First off clean up, then take a shower then some shopping and then after that... "I practice daily at the skate park behind the station, so come see me next time." ...maybe I'll go check that out for awhile. Understood. - Manager! - Yo. Sorry for running late. Where's our model? She's come already? I was just on the phone with her. She came down with a fever of 39 Celsius. Huh? I'll look for a model in front of the train station. - Yeah. - Ah, wait! Before that, you guys go over to the rehearsal venue in my place. I'll be sure to find a model before the show. - Understood. Let's go. - Yes. I'll buy him a present. Ah! Wait, wait, wait! That position is dangerous. What would you have done if your lit cigarette had hit the face of one of those children there before you? - You're super-annoying. - Ah. That's true, isn't it? But please stop smoking that here. - Whaa! - I won't stop. It's a little smoky here. - Really, really, let's move away from here. - No way! Don't touch me! Old ladies are contagious. And in the first place, it has nothing to do with you. You say it has nothing to do with me, but it does! Look. See that? "Smoking on the street is prohibited." It's written that your manners are everyone's smiles, doesn't it? Oh, Momo. What are you doing in a place like this? Onii-chan! This weird old lady was giving me a hard time. Huh? Hey old lady, back off. Oi! Don't go before me! Sorry for being an old lady. Dammit. Whaa! ? He's here. Hiro. You've worked hard. "This pain Isn't an illness, is it? It's love, isn't it?" "From Hiroto General Telephone" I'm a beautician and my name is Tachibana. I'm looking for a model for our current hair show, so could I ask you? I have things I have to do today. I see. - Hey you. - Oh! What are you doing? What about the rehearsal? The model came down with a fever, so she can't make it. Eh? ! Ah, I don't have time to talk right now. Excuse me, excuse me. Um, I'm looking for a model for our current hair show. - A model? - Yes. And truth is, the show starts right away. The model we had asked for couldn't make it. I'm sorry, you must be busy, right? I'm a beautician and my name is Toyama. Hello there. Um, we're looking for a model for our hair show, but would you be available right now? - I'm sorry. I'm in a hurry. - Ah... I'm sorry, you must be busy. I'm a beautician and... I'm looking for a model who could go with us right now for a Show. Truth is, the model we had asked for wasn't able to make it. I know this is sudden and I'm sorry. Would you have some time after this? Say. Let's change locations. Can't be helped if we don't have any luck here. - We've done enough. - Huh? Doing any more than this is pointless. The rehearsal'll be over by now. We just won't participate this time around. Wait, are you giving up? You said you'd definitely win, right? In front of everyone. Giving up without even fighting doesn't seem like you at all. I've heard that line somewhere. I mean those are the words I said! Still... No one we've found can meet our conditions. Ala? - That girl. - Huh? Ah! Damn it! Hello... Sorry. Don't tell me you're standing me up? I'm really sorry. Um... Where are you right now? At a cafe near your apartment complex. Eh... Called the SOBAR Endo. Ah, Ken-chan's place, huh? After standing you up for our date it's a little hard to ask this favor of you... But I need a favor. - Say, what's this girl's name? - Don't know. Well, she's your boyfriend's friend, isn't she? - I don't know if she's his friend, either. - Huh? Anyhow, I just don't know, okay? I just glanced at them for a bit when they were together. What are you angry about? Standing him up on your date is your fault, isn't it? I've cooperated up until now, so you'd better not lose to that Ginza Manager! Well. You seem to be misunderstanding something... They're here. Ah, thanks for waiting. Oh! She has a good feeling about her! She's Momo. Thanks. Um, nice to meet you. I'm Toyama. I'm sorry for making such an unreasonable request of you this time around. This isn't the first time we've met. Huh? It's a painful joke having to listen to a request from this person. I understand. I completely understand how you feel. But, couldn't I ask this favor of you somehow? Um, the one who'll be doing the cutting isn't me, but this person. Ah, I'm Tachibana. Could I ask this of you? Lower your head and apologize. Then I'll agree. Oi. Hold on. Hey, Sakura-san? I didn't see what must have happened, but what on earth is going on? I'm very sorry for the rude things I said to you today. Please, please forgive me. Is that all? Please forgive me. Tachibana-san! The Opening has started. Ah. You'll make me pretty, right? Of course. Let's go. So long, Hiro. What's going on? Nothing. I'll tell you later. Since I told Tachibana I wouldn't watch, let's go somewhere else for now. Okay. - Come in. - Good evening. Wait, wait... What is this? ! "What is this"? We're overcoming my ED, right? So what about that? No touching, geez! But this is a hotel. Because you said you couldn't talk in a public place about getting it up, right? That's why I reluctantly came here. What the... And I was ready to do it. - Look you. - Yes? Let me make this clear. I'm meeting you this way for Miki's sake. You're mistaken, 'cause I'm not doing this because I want to be with you, got it? I know. Then, sit over there. Today'll be our first interview. "Interview"? You're not a woman doctor, after all. This is because you said you didn't want to go to a doctor. I understand what your symptoms are so as your acquaintance doctor I'll listen while you overcome it. Don't get so angry. I'll do this seriously. So calm down. Let's do this calmly, okay? Then first off, when was the last time you were able to get it up? Let's see. It was 3 months ago. At that time, were you experiencing any major stresses? - No... Nothing stressful. - Hmm... He's late... That's you. When compared to Shohei's demon wife Miki-san is an angel of a daughter-in-law. She's a total push-over. She does whatever she's told. She doesn't give me a hard time. Ever since their shotgun wedding, she's been a housewife ever since. She's naive! In that respect, Shohei's demon wife had a tough time of it ever since she was young. That's the reason she's so hard on me. - Okay. Come in. - Sorry for bothering you. Whaa, it's so clean. You like it when it's clean, Sakura-san? That's not true. Um... I'm starving somehow. That's true. You were going to make something with all this, weren't you? Well, I was, but... I don't think I can use this meat and fish anymore. That's true. Okay. I'll make something. Eh? ! Incredible. You made that in no time. Because it's just fried rice. I don't have the skills to even do that. In spite of being a woman, I'm ashamed. Don't be. Cuisine isn't just for women; that's ancient common knowledge, isn't it? For men and women both isn't it fine if they take their time to get good at it by trying? - That's true. - Yes, yes. - Then let's eat. - Yeah. By the way, about what happened today. Huh? If you couldn't come to the practice field, why didn't you give me a call? Ah. Um... I suddenly got contacted by my work and went in. I see. Then next time call me, okay? Yeah. Got it. Then... - Itadakimasu! - Itadakimasu. Looks so good. How is it? It's delicious. Thank goodness. This is it. I've been wanting this. - You're such a kind Manager, aren't you? - Eh? Ah, for your information, I didn't take this on for my employee's sake. If I got this, then we'd save on the employee's travel expenses and I could turn that portion towards investments in equipment, right? That was my goal. And that fool. She had convinced herself I was desperate to win against the Ginza Manager. - Ah, Sakura-san? - Eh? Ah, that's right. Well, that Ginza Manager is my most adorable and best student I ever trained. And yet she forgot about her date, said she'd search for models with me and even prostrated herself. You could call her single-celled or that she has a one-track mind. She really is a fool. So long; I'll be going here. Ah. Thanks for all you did for me today. Not at all. Aren't you supposed to be busy off on some date? I don't have anyone like that. I see. Rintaro-san, is there anyone that you like? There is. She's... at a place where she's no longer within my reach though. Is that right. Then, good night. Good night. Tachibana says he won. Oh... Incredible. I'll have to give him my thanks. To Momo-chan, too. - Isn't this just fine? - Huh? Seems she was saying she really wanted to change her hairstyle anyway. And when she heard it would be for free, she was thrilled. Is that right. But I'm jealous. Eh? After all, for Tachibana-san's sake, you went and prostrated yourself. Truth is, you don't like Tachibana-san, do you? I don't. Definitely not. 1,000 percent not. - In that case it's fine. - Yeah. - Truth is... - Yeah. I'm burning with jealousy, too. I did see you on the practice field. When you were kissed by Momo-chan. Ah, well... Um... Wrong, you're wrong. I'm the bad one. Because I left suddenly without contacting you. But, I guess you could say I am a little shocked. I'm sorry. Don't worry about it. Um, it's just a little something like that. I'm just a little drunk somehow. Ah, ow, ow... My legs feel numb. Ow... Ow... - Um, say... I'm sorry. - Huh? To be frank, Momo and I are in a relationship. But... We only just like each other; you could say we're mutually sensitive people. So I think she'll understand if I talk to her. I'll go tomorrow and talk to her. Please give me a little time. Yes. I see. Ah, then what about the other day? Why didn't you let me kiss you? Ahh... that, huh? Wrong; you're wrong. Because, look. No matter how you look at it, we're unbalanced age-wise, right? So flirting around like that outside is just a little... I felt a little resistance to that. - You like me, right? - Eh? "Eh?" Huh? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then get over such things already. Whatever anyone thinks, I like Sakura-san. And Sakura-san likes me, too. That's all that matters, isn't it? Yeah. Well, I'll be patient for today. Until I can work things out with Momo properly it'll be fine to postpone this. Eh? ! What's the "Eh? !" for? Eh? Ah, no. Umm... Postponing it is fine. Then, you want to do it? No. Postponing it is fine, I said. - Why? Let's kiss... - No, no. Postponing it is fine, I said. That's true. I'm sorry. Ah, well, but... I guess... Um... - Ah? ! - Wait! - Sorry. My tooth... - That hurt! Rintaro-san! Why did I go and bash teeth with him earlier? Practice, practice. Ow. That hurts. I grew a whisker. A woman like you who can't kiss up to men no matter how hard she might work will just be a failure both at her career and with men as well. - Hey! - Sakura! Before I turn 40, I'll definitely find a good man and absolutely be in love! You forgot something. My Cinderella. Sakura-san. Please go out with me. They're in bloom. "Staying out all night" "Because you're at that age" "You should avoid the public's gaze" Ah. Ah, sorry. Ow! Ah. I'm sorry. - Tachibana. What are you doing here? - Kin? What about you... - Eh? ! - Eh? ! - You're kidding, right? - Wish I could say I was. Why didn't you check before moving in? How about you? Why didn't you tell me? It'll be sad having YOU for a neighbor. That's my line. And anyhow, what are you doing in those clothes? Don't tell me you're just getting back from that go-kon? Ahh... Suddenly spending the entire night out, huh? - This is why you're a starving 40 year-old woman. - Shut up! Weren't you the one who told me to go to that go-kon? Thing is, I'm not 40 yet. I'm still 39! Thank you. Thank you very much. Sorry 'bout her. She's going through menopause. That's you. And where are you looking when you say that? Eh? Fool. Would it be okay for us to pass by? - Ah, go ahead, go ahead. - Ah, then I'll take that. Ah, here Kin. What is it? - There's still lots more, isn't there? - There is. Since there's still more to come, you can help put things right. I'll take that. - Hey, it's heavy... - Okay. There. Why? Ow, ow, ow! My neck hurts. Hey! Say. Have you stopped eating? Hey Kakeru. Make sure not to spill. 'Morning. Good morning. Mother, would you like bread with breakfast? Ah, I'm fine. Somehow my stomach just can't get used to eating the things you make. There. More importantly, Miki-san. Yes? Seems you came in quite late yesterday. Ah. I had a PTA thank-you party. No matter how many jobs a housewife does for a school you won't be admired for it if you're out until that late. Truly. And anyway I'm thinking of going back home on Friday. Ah. Is that right. I was thinking of taking the kids with me. Eh? It's been such a long time; don't you want to stay over? - No way. - Not up for it. Go for awhile. Your Grandma is asking nicely. But they would be a bother to Onii-chan and Onee-chan. If you come, I'll buy you whatever you want. - I'll go! - I'll go! See? It's decided then. - Are you two okay about the time? - Oh God. I'm off. I'm going. - Yes. Have a nice day. - Have a nice day. Be careful. Okay. I'll be able to do whatever I want this weekend. Good morning. Ah, good morning. "Make a phone call" "Whaa!" - "Ma'am, calm down." - "It's okay." "Incoming call Wife" "Contact me." Good morning. Good morning. Geez, can't be helped. (Sakura is using "old people" terms here) That goes in the kitchen. Damn it. You should have told me sooner! (more "old person" phrases) That goes in the entranceway. It's written there on the box. Read it, for pete's sake. Geez, you're so careless. Huh? ! What are you drinking? A beer? Don't give me "a beer?" Whose move do you think I'm helping out with here? Hurry and bring up your own junk, too. It's all up already. Eh? This is all the stuff you've got? Well, a man living on his own doesn't need much. Women keep way too many useless things. Well, that's true, damn it. That's enough. Take it easy after this. You were a help. Even though we're neighbors in the same building however you look at it the scenery is different, isn't it? Ala? Is it this late already? It's lunchtime. Ah, I've gotten pretty hungry. I worked so hard I'm about to collapse. Welcome! - Welcome. - Ah, Rintaro. Hello there. Ala. It's unusual to see you two come in together. Don't tell me, Ken-chan. You knew about this when you suggested it? What are you talking about? This guy moved into the apartment next to mine. Eh? ! - Sakura-san, that's your apartment complex? - Yep. Ehh... Still, it's true, isn't it? It's close this store and across from a shrine, so it's quiet. And it's a comparatively cheap, nice apartment complex, right? I thought something was off when it sounded too good to be true. And sure enough, I'm neighbors with a demon. Can you think of anyplace where a demon would help you move in? Hey you, couldn't you at least say a little "thank you" in gratitude? I see, I see. Neighbors, huh? Hey. Stop that. - And? What'll you have? - Eh? Ah, since I'm moving, we should have some soba noodles. Which ones are the best for that? Hmm... Tenseiro, I guess. Then two of those. - Comin' up. - All right! - Kin's treat. - Why? - As my consultation fee. - Huh? You have something you wanted to discuss with me, right? Yum! Like I thought, these are the best after a workout. And? Ah. And... He's asked me to go out with him. Huh? How old's this guy? 24. Huh? ! 24? ! He's still a child, ain't he? What is that? Someone that young is nothing but trouble. - He's a mercenary. - But I don't have any money. Well, you must look like do you have some. Ah! What if it's some new kind of wire fraud? Isn't he actually in trouble over his tuition or that he can't pay his mother's surgery bills and so he can't be reached by phone? Look you! Ah? ! It's Hiroto. Can't be, can't be. Because I didn't give him my number. What's this then? "Hiroto" How? When did I...? Hurry and take it. He'll hang up. No way; I can't. I just can't right now. No way, no how. Guess I'll do it. Hello? Ow! Ah, hello? Yeah. Ah, it's fine. Yeah. Totally fine. Right now? I'm alone, alone. Completely alone. Don't worry, don't worry. "Completely alone. Don't worry, don't worry." For pete's sake. And in a 40 year-old woman's voice, to boot. But I like Sakura-san. You've got bad taste in women. What's good about that man-woman? This is why you've never, ever had a woman, Ken-chan. Maybe. No, I'm not involved with anyone right now... I'm not, but... Anyhow I think we're too far apart in years. And so... I'm sorry! Whaa. Geh! Hey! What is it? Don't give me, "what is it?" It's okay to walk together, isn't it? We're going in the same direction after all. No way. It'd hurt my rep if we're thought of as a couple. Hold on a minute. What "rep" would I be hurting? What do you mean? Tell me. Huh? "Oh no, that man's got horrible taste in women," and then I'd be felt sorry over, right? That hurt. - What's that? Hey. - So go away. Shoo! Shoo! Get away from me. What's this "shoo, shoo" business? I'm not some insect! Are you gonna follow me forever? Shoo, shoo! We're at the shop already, idiot. Then I'll go in up there, and you go in that way. Huh? ! I won't go, idi... Ah. Hiroto-kun. 'Morning. What is it? You won't see me unless I show up like this, would you? Heiwa Fansubs Presents: "Last Cinderella" Episode 2: "The Great Reversal of Love and Life! The Younger Man is a Prince! ?" I told you this over the phone but I don't think it'd work out even if we did go out together. You won't know that unless you try. I do know. Is it because I'm younger than you are? Is a person's falling in love with someone a thing based on their ages? I wonder what it is you like about me? After all, you have lots of women around you who are younger and cuter, don't you? Young girls are boring. Adult women are far better. Then could you go hit on some other adult woman? Ah, I gotta go. So long. Pain in the ass woman. Huh? Me? No. Raise your butts slowly. Yes. Now in that position, keep firm. Yes. Now exhale while continuing to push your spine against the mat. Say. And? And? How'd it go? How did what go? It was your first time in 10 years, right? - I bet it hurt, didn't it? - Truth is, I don't remember. What's that? ! You there. Concentrate on your breathing. Why can't you remember? Because I was stinking drunk. What a waste. Say. Next time do it while sober. There won't be a next time. Next. Rolling like a ball. Yes, bring your knees up. You don't know that. I do. Because he's only 24. That means the mother who has given birth to a 20 year-old must be 44 or so. That's true. Hold on a minute. If I had given birth to a child at 20, I'd have a child who's 19... That makes my head spin. Hey! Take this seriously. Say, Shima-nee. If we had given birth when we were 20, I'd have a 19 year-old kid by now. And Shima-nee, you'd have given birth to a kid who'd be 24 years-old now! Can you believe that? What are you babbling about? Hey! Raise your stomach. Ow! Hold on; hold on a minute. Manager. Are you part of the faction that doesn't want kids? That's obvious, isn't it? I'm with the faction that does want kids. Eh? That's surprising. Without kids, you'll get lonely in your old age. Old age? You may laugh, but even though you're young now, in the blink of an eye you'll be an old man. Still, even so, I don't want to get married. You're contradicting yourself. How about Sakura-san? She's with the faction that does wants kids, right? That's out of the question for her. 'Cause she doesn't even have a man. Well, she's more like a man herself. She'd first have to do something about that. There, okay. Sakura. You're bow-legged. Well still after 10 years, you've made your first opening in the right direction. Opening? Yeah. A tunnel. At the very least it should put an effective stop to your growing maleness. Right? It'll definitely kick-start her hormones, right? - Yeah. - I wonder? I'm not that peculiar. Speaking of which, how's it with you, Shima-nee? How's it going with the flirt you picked up at the hotel? He hasn't called. I'm waiting, though. It's rare for Shima-san to let things stretch out like this, isn't it? Say, say. Is he that handsome? He's kinda naive and adorable. He gives this "I'm having an affair" feeling. - Wait. He's married? - Yeah. "Yeah" is no good. Committing adultery at your age. I know. I don't intend to get in that deep. Speak of the devil... Maybe I should have a fling, too... Huh? I heard about it from one of my Mama friends, but do you know what an "ED-only wife" is? What's that? There are men who can only do it with other people's wives but who can't do it with their own wives. My husband is probably like that. What's that? Wouldn't this just be called a stage of fatigue? If that's the case, it would be fine, but... Yes? Ah, um... I'm the one you met at the hotel the other day. You've called at last. Ah, thank goodness. Well, um... I was wondering what'd I'd do if I was calling a wrong number. Ah, is it okay for you right now? It's fine. Um. If you'd like, um... I thought maybe we could do lunch. I'm sorry. I'm at work right now. How about tomorrow evening? Tomorrow evening? If that's inconvenient, then... That's fine! That's fine. Then I'll be waiting in the same hotel room. Yes. If you know of a good dry-cleaners, could you tell me? The local one didn't do a good job with the finish. In that case, I'll ask my Mom. That'd be a help. Couldn't you just ask the Vice-Manager? She wouldn't know of any good dry-cleaners, now would she? She's the kind of woman who leaves her laundry hanging out to dry for days at at time. Whaa. You see that much when you live in the same apartment complex, huh? Then move. It's in my face even if I don't want to see it. She lives next door after all. Ah, she should be the one who hurries and moves. Achoo! Damn it. Ah... Ah, this is good. Ah, found it. "From Hiroto: Have you eaten dinner already? I'm at a convenience store eating alone and lonely." "MessageR MessageF" "From Hiroto: 'Morning. I dreamt of you, Sakura-san. What kind of dream it was is a secret." - 'Morning. - Good morning. 'Morning. Sakura-chan. You seem to be in a better mood than usual today. - Eh? Really? - Yeah. - Ah! Has something good happened to you? - Nope, nope. You say that like you've got a secret lover or something. - I don't have a secret lover. - Who is it? - Yes. Please rinse him. - Who, who? There isn't anyone. Yes, rinse him. Thank you very much! (More "old person" phrases) You're like some schoolgirl. Huh? Staring at your cell phone all day. Take your work seriously. I do. - There's something stuck to you. - Huh? - To your head. - Huh? And? Have you decided to go out with that youngster? I'm not going out with him. It's just I get dozens of e-mails from him every day. - Dozens? - Yeah. He's got lots of free time on his hands. Youths these days are hard working. "From Hiroto: I want to see you..." You look like some effeminate old man-schoolgirl. Shut up. Ah... "Until yesterday" "This was just A watch substitute" Good evening. Come in. A suit gives you a different feel. Ah, does it? Still just gonna take it off, though. Ah, I'm sorry. Where did I put it? It's not in here. Found it! Here it is. I'm very sorry. Don't apologize. I'm ashamed as a man. Do you have a guilty conscience about your wife? No. I think I'm just nervous. This is my first time at this sort of thing. Not to mention it's my first time with such a charming woman like you. What are you doing? Say. Do you remember this? Dunno. Geez. Ko-chan, you're the one who bought it. Look. In Hawaii, during our honeymoon. I bought that? I had bad taste. Brings back memories, doesn't it? Ah, I'm tired. Let's forget the bath today and go to bed. Say. Don't you think of anything when your wife is dressed like this? Don't you think she's trying to give you some kind of sign? Huh? Look... How many years have we known one another? Over 20 years now, 20 years. Don't you think it's strange doing that with the same partner for 20 years? Yeah. Listen. We're a fairly normal couple. Right? So don't worry about it. Then I'm going to bed. Okay, good night. Just talking to them is useless. And it's no good just listening to them, either. Well, to make a long story short, like me... Like me, you need the communication skills needed to read the feelings of the person you're working on. She's pretty stubborn. In spite of being an old woman. Why are you having such a hard time? Hurry up and snag her. Don't have enough war funds... Yes, I'll take it. But why? There's no particular reason you can't be Tachibana's woman, is there? She's in my way. Besides, I need to get rid of any and all risk factors. Risk factors? You remember the woman he had before, don't you? That woman hurt him so much. I don't want him feeling that way ever again. You're bent. Never mind; just hurry and trap her! Don't let her get near Rintaro-san. Yes, yes. I'm home! Welcome back. Say, Chiyoko-chan. Papa's going on a business trip to London starting today... - You're here. - Hello. - Aren't you sticking around to eat? - Ah, I was heading out already. So long. Yeah. You're here, huh? And just as worthless as ever. Is it okay if we have to go home with the same timing? How about you? You should work a little longer. - I do! - You don't, now do you? Just look at today. Ah... Ah, Hiroto-kun. You've worked hard. - I wanted to see you, so I came. - Ehh... - I'll go first. - Thanks for your hard work. That man with you just now... He's the Manager? Ah... Yeah. Ehh... He's cool. Has a bad personality though. Ah. - Are you hungry? - Ah. Ah, yeah. Um, I have plans to meet up with some friends today. Really... Yeah. This is fine. I got to see your face. So long... See ya again. Ah, but... One glass of beer should be okay. Hey, Miki. Don't cry anymore. It's over for us. It's fine if we break up. What are you saying? He said neither of us could do it with the other anymore. Unlike you I'm satisfied with not doing it around the clock but I couldn't stand not being able to do it again for the rest of my life. It's not like I do it around the clock or anything... There aren't any tissues. - How about you, Shima-san? - Huh? How about that latest guy of yours? Yeah. But we haven't done it yet. - Why not? - Seems he's nervous. Still, that's pretty hot in itself. With sex it's actually before I do it that I'm at my horniest. Will we do it? Won't we do it? You could say the wondering is unbearable. It's like a long, long foreplay. Ehh... Sorry. This talk must be making you miserable, Miki. No. Listening to your indecent talk cheers me up somehow. - Really? - Yeah. That's good. Maybe I should just think of this as a long foreplay, too? That's right! I love how you recover so quickly, Miki-chan! Still, I hope your foreplay ends before too long! No way! - Let's drink! - Drink up, drink up! That's Sakura. Yes! What the... What's with the "What the..."? What's this? Can't you tell by looking? Eh? ! You bought these? Why? This is weird. - Weird? If you don't want 'em... - No, no, I'll take them, I'll take them... Hey! What are you taking so long at the door for... This is the first time you've met, isn't it? This is my Senpai at the track club and the one who's helped me and Sakura-san out, Hasegawa Shima-san. Hello. Nice to meet you. I'm always under your care. Ah, nice to meet you, too. My wife's been under your care. He bought me this. It's the first time since we married. Whaa. They're pretty. Are you having an affair on me? What are you saying? What are you saying, geez. I don't have anyone else. - Want to change clothes? Dinner's ready. - I should. She's saying strange things. What's this about? I was about to ask YOU that. Shima-san! Dinner's ready. Ah, I'm coming! Make absolutely certain you don't talk about this to Miki. I know. There's no way this could be a coincidence. - Could it be we're on Candid Camera? - There's no way that could be, right? Have enough drink snacks? There's plenty. It's your first meeting; can't you make it rousing? Ko-chan. Shima-san's glass is empty. Ah, I'm sorry. No. Really. - Ah! - Eh? ! Look. Ko-chan, shouldn't you be seeing Shima-san? Shima-san's a gym instructor. He's on the verge of being overweight. - Here, look at his stomach. Here. - Hey! Stop that. Geez! You don't have to be shy about it. You should be ashamed to be someone with a stomach like that. Listen and do some exercising, even if it's here in the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah... We're safe since we hadn't done it yet, right? There's no need for us to feel guilty, right? Of course. But why did you go to that PTA thank-you party? Look, that's only for those with kids, right? I didn't say I had. When I told you I knew where the thank-you meeting was, that was a lie to get you upstairs. That means Miki lied... Where have the two of them gone to... Ow! - Hey! What are you doing under there? - Just something. Um... - What's going on? - My ring fell off. Hey Ko-chan, look for it seriously. If I swept it up with the vacuum cleaner, that'd be bad. - Found it, found it, found it. - Eh? Is this it? Ah! That's it. - Thank goodness. - Sorry about that. Thank goodness. Geez, Shima-san, act your age. Are you drunk already? Maybe so. Ah, the phone. Probably Sakura. Where's the ringing coming from? Ala? I can hear it's from over here. Why would I have put it over there? Miki's okay. She would never do anything to betray you. So don't you, either. Anyhow, let's just forget about this. Wipe my phone number. I'm sorry Miki. I guess I am drunk. I'm going to go on home. Another bar would be better. You want to calm down, right? Still, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. Huh? Ah, it's Hiroto. It's been awhile, Hiroto. It hasn't been just awhile! We haven't seen his face at all. What's going on? What's going on is a job. That again! Ah, hello. You Hiroto's Onee-san? Could it be you're his girlfriend? I'm still waitin' on the OK for that. That again. She'll give in. Oh, then since we're in the way here, we'll go. Oi. We'll take our time next time around. - See you later. - Thanks! Is that guy serious about her? Wanna go? Yeah. You were going to see some friends, weren't you? Where at? I'll take you. Sakura-san? Don't tell me you're worried about earlier? Don't take it so seriously. That's the first time I've seen them in a long time and we weren't all that good pals to begin with. I'm sorry. Eh? I'm 39. I hadn't told you what my age was yet but I'm 39. And I'll be 40 soon. It's only natural I'd be mistaken for your Onee-san. That's just a normal reaction. I'm happy I'm still being called an Onee-san. I wonder how I would have felt if they had called me your Mom? So long, this is fine. Thank you very much for the beer. Wait. What are you gonna do about dinners? I'll just come in here most every day. But all you do here is get drunk! That's a one-sided nutrition. Ain't it about time you got a girlfriend to make you something? Say hello to Shima-nee and your husband. Yeah. So long. Bye-bye. "Too bad" Ala? Ah, why? Geez! This sucks... Damn it... Why can't I hit one, geez! You aren't using your waist. Tachibana. What are you doing here? You're the one who came in after I did! Huh? - It's coming. - What is? Whaa! ? That was close... You're good. 'Cause I've been playing baseball ever since I was a kid. Ahh... I wanted to feel refreshed, too. Did you run away from that youngster? I ran away from myself. It's been way too long since I've been in love. I don't know how to enjoy it anymore. His being 15 years younger than me was too high a hurdle in the first place. I need to undergo my rehabilitation from a more comfortable spot if I can. It's turning into something of a bother. Guess I'll just have to do my best living alone from here on. Okay! Set your center of gravity backwards a bit. Wrong. There. Open the gaps between your toes until you feel it. Don't strain yourself. Cool down the jets. Close your jaw. It's coming. Keep your eyes on it. I hit it! Incredible! I hit it, I hit it! Hey, hey, teach me that again. You'll hit it again. Seriously? No way? He's right. I hit it! Ah! Incredible! Okay! This feels good. Ahh, that felt so good. I should make a habit of it. - Don't go. - Why? 'Cause we'd meet again. Even if we do meet, we don't have to talk. What is it? Like I thought, he's asking for money? He says the difference in our ages has nothing to with it and that he wants to date me. Ohh... I somehow feel like he's teasing me. Maybe his tastes just run to eating insects. You shouldn't let this go to waste. Wouldn't come to anything even if I did try. - You won't know that unless you do try. - I do know. You're scared. I ain't scared. You're scared and you're older. You've just gotten used to being hurt and giving up, haven't you? "Badly bruised" "And so, increasingly Timid" And then I figured I've got nothing to lose by going on a date with him. It's fine, it's fine. Given you've got nothing to lose anyway. Ah, looks like they're back. Let me know how it goes. So long. So long. Okay! Welcome home! I bought this. - Ah, that's awesome. Good for you. - I'm thirsty! There's some juice in the fridge. - Can I get some, too? - Whaa! Mother? ! I'll be staying with you for awhile. - Well.. Eh? What's this about? - Well, that's how it is. Mom? - Take this room here. - Yes. Yes. What's this about? ! Okay! Did it! You're incredible, Sakura-san. Is this one of your strong points? Didn't you do this back in Shinozuka long ago? What are you saying? I'm from Kinedzuka. Ala? You said that? I messed it up. Ah, now that's a gutter ball. Aren't you being a little unfair? I'm making up for my crushing loss at bowling. Please give me a handicap. No way. This is a Love Game! Sure. What's a Love Game? Grr! - Yeah! - You're good. Here goes. Here goes! There! Ah! No way! That was great! Incredible! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Thanks for waiting. - Thank you. - Soft ice-cream will be delicious after so long. - Yeah, it's good. Are you okay? Yeah. I'm fine, I'm fine. Stay still. Thank you. What is it? You still have some on your nose. Eh? You're terrible! You're laughing too much. Hey... Ah, that was amusing. You still talking about that soft ice-cream? No. Sakura-san. Did you have fun? I did. Lots of fun. That's good. Whaa! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Excuse me. Are you okay? I'm fine. Thank you. Um, that seat... - Please wait a moment. - Yes. Hey, hey, you there. I left this seat free for those people there. Could you take those out? Did you hear me when I asked if you could take those out? Take them out! - What're ya doin' bitch? ! - Don't play dumb! That person there is clearly having trouble, so I'm asking you calmly if she can sit here. You are seriously irritating. Hey. If it causes her dis much trouble, den she shouldn't be ridin' da bus! Give up that seat. Shut yer trap, ya old hag! I am an old hag! Even so, I'm used to being told that, so you can't hurt me with it! Nyaa! Thing is I don't know how far you're going but stand up for a little while. You're still young, aren't you? Look. It won't take that much strength to stand. - Come on, stand up. - What is this, oi! - Don't touch me, don't touch me, oi! - Don't say, "don't touch me," you jerk. Ya old geezer! Ah, but the seat's free now... I'm sorry for making a mess of things. That's not true. Sakura-san, what you did wasn't a mistake and was quite impressive. Things always get messed up when I'm around. You could say I can't read the atmosphere around me. Or that I'm some old, stinky Auntie type. Well he didn't call me "Auntie" but "Old Geezer," didn't he? Ah, I feel depressed. Ah. Huh? A sakura petal. Hold still. "This Drama is Fictional" Composing Message Eat up. That's a ton of chocolate. working hard. Today's Valentine's Day. And... Good morning. G-Good morning. You're up early. so I figured I'd get going already. I see. See you later. Aoyama! See you later! The day of Aoyama's audition. Hello. The artist we asked to do the cover is ill! so... so would you be able... to work up a cover right away? In color. Color? color. Would yellow be all right? Yellow? but no. It's a cover! It's a challenge! A challenge... Right. Why did I only tell her I'd see her later? I should've sent her off with something more helpful. it's time to get— you... You got ready by yourself... I-Is that the fashion now? but I only found one. you know! And please don't tell me you've gone commando under that skirt... Are you wearing panties? A very colorful pair. You don't need to give me the details. let me see what's in your bag... Looking in a girl's bag is a horrible thing to do. What's gotten into you? What are you going to do if you forget— I have everything important. What do you mean by "important"? I even packed my fighting spirit. but whatever. I won't look. You can look tomorrow. Huh? What's different about tomorrow? Sorata. Rita? ! What are you doing here? we'd have come to get you. You didn't tell us you were coming. I know. but I forced some time off to come here. Today's Valentine's Day. this day is a challenge! Challenge? but it'll have to wait. I'll see you later! Ryunosuke! Wh-What's the ex-freeloader doing here? I guess we should head to school. Let's go. Kanda! Kanda! Ryunosuke! Good morning. 1)}#17 Valentine's Day is Chocolate Day It's so cold. Aoyama? To: Dad I'm going today. you didn't go to your audition? I can still make it if I go after class. There's no reason to skip school. I see. Yeah. sorry. Huh? too. I have no idea what to say to you. It's okay. I'm not expecting a great pep talk from you. you've given me courage. To: Dad I'm going today. Sending Message Courage? Yeah. You proved that hard work is rewarded. Aoyama. do you remember our promise? Huh? What promise? after the audition... Sorata and Nanami. Miyahara. I heard the news. You have an audition today? Yeah. star of the General Education Department! you're exaggerating. Good luck. Chocolate The word chocolate comes from the... meaning bitter water. Message Received Shiina Mashiro From: Shiina Mashiro No Subject I'll be waiting on the roof after school for you. everyone. Don't give chocolate to the one you love. Shiina. Kanda-kun? nothing. it's originally bitter water. Could it be... I have everything important. Whose idea was it to write "chocolate" with kanji meaning "sugar growing old"? Gross! Was Shiina going to give me chocolate? Give up already! I'd expect men to cry tears of joy if a girl as cute... as me was this determined to pursue them. what don't you like about me? Everything! I'll make sure you take my chocolate. And I'm telling you I won't! who knows what you'll ask for next? Don't paint me as some kind of terrorist. That's exactly what you are! On Christmas Eve... but was that— It was just a New Year's card. The Japanese are conscientious people. It didn't mean anything. Oh. that's all for today. I'd better get going. be careful... aren't you? take this. See you later. Hey. Aoyama. hop to it. They work me like a dog at Sakura Hall and at school. Misaki-senpai? Senpai. Kouhai-kun. What are you doing? Is that for Jin-san? Yeah. but Soichiro-kun promised to bring him in. The Student Council President? Yeah. That's why we're waiting here. I see. but that's a pretty small chocolate. What? ! This isn't good enough? It won't convey my love? ! this one looks more like you're serious. Misaki-senpai. I'm rooting for you. I'll do my best! you've got a good kouhai there. he's the best kouhai-kun ever. There. I wonder if Shiina's waiting up there. Incoming Call Aoyama Nanami Aoyama? Hello? Kanda-kun? I'm done for! I'm screwed! what— The train! It's stopped! They're saying there was an accident! They don't know when it'll get going again! I'm done for— Aoyama. Have you contacted the training school? right? but... they said it had to be today. all the other auditions will be over. which station are you at right now? What? At the next one over... Can you get out of the train? I'm calling you from the platform. wait for me outside the ticket gate. I'll be right there! sorry! I'm going to be a little late! The number you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone. I'm gonna be a little late. Aoyama's in trouble. so wait in a classroom. That was close! Sorata. let me borrow your bike. What? Aoyama's train isn't running! Her audition is today and she's stuck at the station! I'm in a hurry! huh? I understand. Get on! Miyahara? You could just lend it to— Just get on! you two! Riding double isn't allowed! so just let it slide for now! Hey! let's switch. Don't underestimate me! Understand the power of love! Of love"? I'm at my limit! You take over! Go by yourself! Miyahara. What did you mean by the power of love? Correction: The power of a loser's love. Nanami rejected me. wait. What do you mean she rejected... What? just go! Thanks. Sorata! The one Nanami called when she was in trouble... was you! Aoyama! Kanda-kun! let's hurry and get a taxi! We can't. Everyone else is getting taxis. There won't be any for a while. get on! What? We'll never make it in time on a bike— haven't you? ! We said we'd work hard together... Pursue our dreams together! I won't let you quit here! Kanda-kun. Kanda-kun! Take me to the audition hall! It's time for my flight. I really didn't have the time to come... But I wanted to at least see you today. Please tell the other residents of Sakura Hall... that I'm sorry I couldn't tell them goodbye. too. Our kiss at the airport... was my first kiss. I guess he didn't come after all. Hau-hau. Wait. You don't know yet. I'll try calling Soichiro-kun and get him to call Mitaka. really. What? I'll have plenty of other chances to go after him! I know! I'll buy you a bun to thank you for staying with me. or even a pizza bun. let's bun! Misaki? Bun! This has happened before. Aoyama! Y-Yes? ! Do you want to practice your script? What? it's harder for us to hear each other. right? you're always so kind. Sure. All right. what did you want to talk to me about? I guess. He's always so close to my heart. There's actually something I've always wanted to tell you... Really? Yeah. I... I've always... always... I've always loved you. I love you. u-um... How was that? Was it believable? yeah. You surprised me. Y-You're right. There's no way... This is close enough. I think I'll make it. Kanda-kun. See you later. Aoyama. Shiina's still waiting for me! I can't... My legs feel so weak... One last spurt! If she's still waiting for me... Today is Valentine's Day. Shiina! She left already... Shiina. Sorry I'm late. You always break your promises. I'm sorry. call me Mashiro. Mashiro. You can have this. B-Bamboo shoots? Valentine's Day is chocolate day. Thanks. But you could've waited until we got back to Sakura Hall. I wanted to do it normally. Normally? There were lots of girls giving their chocolate to guys on the roof. Even in the manga Ayano gave me. I'm not normal. That's why I haven't understood you recently. Me? You're so far away. F-Far away? You're saying I'm... You get along well with Yuko. That's because she's my sister. what about Nanami? Aoyama? You went to Nanami's side today. Of course I did. Today's an important day for Aoyama. too. You didn't say to me that we'd work hard together. Together? But you're already a professional. You're leagues ahead of... That's it. Shiina's always been running way ahead of me. I can't even see her back. But I'm not the only one who can't see. either. too. Sorata? I thought you might give me some chocolate. I couldn't wait for school to end. Really? Does the chocolate make you happy? The bamboo shoots are my favorite. Good. Mashiro. I-I don't want you to catch cold. Let's go home. Sorata. Can I hold your hand? never mind. What? ! Why would you say that? ! Because... Because it makes me feel uneasy. My heart is pounding. Mashiro... You've always been so far away. But now... Sorata... Your heart is pounding because you're alive. What about you? I feel even more alive than you! We're home. Welcome back. you're back already? How did your audition go? Yeah. I think I did everything I could. Dinner's ready. Misaki-senpai said we're having a Valentine's pot sticker party. Why pot stickers on Valentine's Day? She even forced Akasaka-kun to help her wrap them. Nanami. Where's Rita? Huh? Rita-san? The ex-freeloader went home. What? ! Rittan was here? ! Dragon? ! She seemed busy. Not much I could do. But she came all the way to Japan... Akasaka-kun? I suppose everyone has a secret or two. Nothing. I'm sure Rittan will be back again real soon! Anyway... Let's eat some delicious food! Misaki-senpai? I wonder if she managed to give her chocolate to Jin-san... She might be right. there are some things you just can't say. yeah. That thing Aoyama said this morning... do you remember our promise? I want you... to listen to what I have to say. I love you. Kanda-kun? ! nothing! Hold up. I'm reading too much into this. Aoyama couldn't possibly feel that way about me. But... It should be one or the other. Sweet or salty... It should be one or the other. Chocolate pot stickers? you got the lucky one! Didn't your mother tell you not to play with your food? ! There's even garlic in it. That's disgusting! It doesn't taste very good. Is this what you meant by Valentine's pot stickers? We're aliens! there are lots of twinkling stars! #18 First Love with an Alien there's dark matter. An inexpressible and terrifying feeling. do you think I'm sparkling right now? Previously on Beauty the Beast... I was part of a highly classified unit of super-soldiers. Vincent! Don't shoot! She's my daughter. There are more of them out there. Vincent, I've been looking for you everywhere. I know. Does this mean that you remember all of this? Well, I remember facts, I just don't have any memory of personal experiences. Makes me a better soldier. Soldier for what? 'Cause that's what we're doing here, right? You got a list of names, and then I eliminate them, one by one. Just trying to keep people safe, remember? Look, let's drop the pretense. We both know that sat phone isn't for a shipwreck. Someone's got you hunting beasts. I need to get through your list as soon as possible. What's going on here? Why the sudden rush? What happened? Is this something to do with Catherine? Yeah. I haven't been able to find him yet, which, to be honest, is a little odd, but... I'm not giving up. Odd? What do you mean, odd? Well, I don't know, I mean, obviously, I've looked for a few birth fathers as an ADA, and the records aren't always easy to unseal. But you're having problems with mine? Frankly, yeah... but don't worry, I'll keep digging. Gabe, thank you so much for helping me out with this. Hey, it's no problem. Wait, are you listening to...? ♪Okay, it's not what you think. I have a ten-year high school reunion tomorrow, and I'm having some friends over, so... just trying to set the mood. Yeah? Good for you. It's about time you started focusing on yourself for a change instead... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that... No, no, it's okay, you're right. It's about time. And I'm actually really looking forward to it, except for the low-rise jeans and crop tops. Ah, come on, I'm sure you look great in them. The mayor's on the phone. He sounds upset. Upset? Is there a problem? If there is, it is my problem, not yours, okay? You just get in your time machine and have fun. Let go. Okay. Trying. Oh, crap. I scare you? Yes. You ever heard of a front door? Yeah, about that-- I wasn't sure if I was actually allowed to use it or not. I mean, am I? It depends. But... Listen... I know that I shouldn't just barge in on you like this, but I had to see you, okay? And I was just hoping maybe we could pick up where we left off. Maybe help each other figure out who we really are and I don't know, maybe trigger a few more memories... I'm sorry, normally, I'm all for getting your memories back, for both our sake. But right now, no memories, no missions, I am taking the night off. So you're kicking me out? Yes... yes, I am. But don't take it personally. I'm just having a pre-reunion party here-- girls only, no beasts. Oh... Just some "me" time, you know? It's healthy. You understand. Actually, I don't understand... Well, I do. Oh. And you will, too, someday... I hope. Vincent, you're getting better, we're getting better and that's terrific. But if we're really going to figure out who we are together, we have to make sure we don't forget who we are separately along the way, too. And they're here. Mm-hmm. So why don't you go and talk to JT? Trigger some memories with him. Oh, come on... Don't sprain your ankle on the way down. Coming! I realize that, Your Honor, and I assure you I am on top of it. You know, I already have my best detective on it. Absolutely. I will keep you posted. Your "best detective" wants a raise. Solve this problem and we'll talk. Well, it sounds like the problem is the mayor just tore you a new one, and I'm lousy with a needle and thread. He wants answers to all the unsolved cases from when Joe was in charge. I was assigned here to clean up his mess. Joe's mess. Nice. Is that how you win friends and influence people? I'm sorry. That was a poor choice of words. Look, those cases involved Vincent and Muirfield. Now we've got Zhao's murder to explain, Agent Tucker... They're all beast-related incidents. How the hell do we explain them? You see the problem? Like it or not, both of our necks are on the line here. So is Catherine's. And she has such a pretty little neck, too. Get out. Okay, okay. Geez. You actually lived in an ashram? Oh, my God, it was the best spiritual experience of my life. Oh, spiritual, right. While I am busting my ass proving myself as a journalist, you are practicing tantric sex in the Himalayas. You're just jealous. Oh, never have sex. Sex results in lots of drooling little creatures running around, who want things from you. And yet you are having your third? Don't remind me. By the way, it is killing me that you're standing here with the same waistline you had in tenth grade. You know, seriously, Cat, you haven't changed. No, Little Miss Honor Roll here is a bad-ass cop. Yeah, well, she always had a taste for danger. Or, at least, dangerous guys. What? Oh, please! Scott Arness? Bobby Simpson? Phil "The Snake" Parker? Ugh. Isn't he in rehab? They probably all are. Or in jail. Okay, you guys are just jealous 'cause at least they were cute. Yeah, but, you know, you did always pick the projects, "the broken wings." Shower 'em with love, and then try to save them. Yeah. Never works. You know what? That was then, this is now, right? Right. So, do you have anyone special in your life now, Cat? All right, good-bye. Bye. Let's meet in front of the school tomorrow night. Yes. Okay. All right. Bye, guys. Unless I pop this baby out first today. Oh, uhuh, purse. It's in my bedroom. Bye! Bye, guys. Bye. I told you to stop doing that. Scream and I'll rip your throat out. Who is he? What's his name? Who? Don't play with me, bitch. I can smell that beast all over you. Bet that would nice, huh? To be all over you. You tell me where he is and I'll kill you quick. Cat? Cat! ♪ Beauty and the Beast 2x05 ♪ Reunion Original Air Date on November 4, 2013 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man No. I didn't get a really good look at him, but what I did see was pretty creepy. Creepy, how? Can you be more specific? I don't know; I'm not sure. I mean, Cat, you saw him. There was something really weird about his eyes. I mean, they looked like they were... glowing. They were, I'm telling you. Right? I don't know. I don't know what I saw. It all happened so fast. Okay, so then what happened? I fired off a couple rounds, and the perp took off out the window. You mean he went through the window, Cat. He jumped out. Onto the street. Jumped? Ma'am, we're on the fifth floor here. I know. He must've used the fire escape. No, he didn't-- he jumped. Cat, I know you saw that. I was just attacked, Beth. I don't know what I saw. Neither of us do, really. No, I do. Let's walk it through again. Okay. Cat. What are the uniforms doing here? My friend called 911. Yeah. Did she see anything? She told them that she did, and they don't believe her. That's the good news. The bad news is that she works for National Metro News. Great. That's just what we need right now. Are you all right? Define "All right." Yes, I'm fine. We just need to warn Vincent as soon as possible. Whoa, whoa, wait, you just got attacked in your bedroom and you're worried about Vincent? Yes, because there is another beast out there who's trying to kill him. I'll be back. Wait- - Catherine, if Vincent hears you were attacked, he won't think, he'll just take off without having any idea who he's up against. It's a beast, Gabe-- fangs, claws, bad attitude-- what else does he need? Ye, but the last beast Vincent went after half-cocked almost got him killed, remember? And since we don't know what this beast is capable of either, let's at least try and figure out who he is first. Okay, I'll see if he left a business card somewhere. Wait. Maybe he left something better. Here. DNA. Good. Maybe JT can analyze it. I'll take it to him. You keep an eye on the investigation, and, you, try to keep a lid on your friend. So much for my me time. We got a situation. Come in. Make yourself at home. JT, Catherine was attacked by a beast. I need you to I.D. this. What do you mean Catherine was attacked? What beast? Vincent! When? Hey! Didn't know you were here. Just tell me what happened to her. Is she okay? Listen, why don't you let me handle this, okay? I mean, we're all friends here, right? Actually, we're all not friends. Is Cat okay? Yes, she is, but... You gotta talk faster. Check the archives, blogs, tweets, everything. I can't be the only one who's seen something like this. Yes, I realize that, but we just need one other witness, and I know I can take it to air. Beth. Trust me, I'll make it a credible story. Just start digging. Why are you covering this up, Cat, huh? What are you not telling me? Come on, Beth, there's gotta be some logical explanation for what you think you saw. I am... I am just trying to protect you. Oh, really? how? Okay, you have built a reputation. You've got integrity. You're not some tabloid reporter reporting on bigfoot. No, I'm an honest reporter who's going to report what I witnessed. But if you air this unconfirmed, you're ruined, and you know it. Please, just let my colleagues do their job, let them investigate this. Give them some time and wait for the facts. And in the meantime, can we please enjoy this reunion tomorrow night? It only comes around every ten years, and I really, really don't want to miss it because of this. Do you? Okay. Just promise me the exclusive? Deal. It's been a long night. Uh, why don't you pour us a couple glasses of wine, and I will be right back. Got it. What are you doing here? I'm making sure you're okay. I told Gabe not to tell you. I didn't really give him a choice. What'd this guy look like? I don't know. Like, like you, sort of. Just let JT I.D. him first. The beast is still after you. Don't worry about me. I promise you, he won't hurt you again, okay? ♪ They say the devil is among us ♪ ♪ He's looking for a friend ♪ ♪ So buy yourself forgiveness if your heart is full of sin ♪ ♪ Temptation gives you what you want ♪ ♪ Not what you need ♪ The ruin of all mankind is power and it's greed ♪ ♪ So if we only have tonight ♪ If this is the last moment ♪ ♪ Would you change your life? I know you're here. I knew you'd show up... beast hunter. Holy crap. Vincent? I thought you were dead, man! It's me, it's Zach. Delta Company! We served together! Hey! We're friends! It's me, Zach! We're friends! Zach? I'll be damned. Vincent Keller. Been a long time. Have you heard from Vincent yet? I should just leave the damn door open from now on. JT, focus. No, I haven't heard from Vincent yet. Have you been able to I.D. the, uh...? No. Aren't you worried? Always. You rolled a 12, raked in five grand. You ruled Atlantic City that night, man. Yeah, I just, I wish I could remember it. Vincent... Catherine, it's-it's okay.. Uh, this is... Zach. Zach Hayes. Hey, JT, good to see you again, pal. You look, uh, like you lost some weight there. Okay, hold on. You know him? Yeah. I was at his funeral. Which was right before yours. Okay, someone explain. Okay. Well, Zach and I, we served in Afghanistan together. And, uh, we both volunteered for Muirfield. And both supposedly died ten years ago because of the experiments. I thought Vincent was the only soldier from his unit to survive. And I thought I was the only one, until now. Listen, ma'am, I was telling Vincent, I can't apologize enough for... Trying to kill me? I didn't mean you any harm. It was really just all about survival, you know? No, I don't, actually. Over the years, I-I heard there were other people like me, and when they started getting knocked off recently... Right. Zach thought that he may be next. I picked up his scent where the others were killed. And figured you'd take the fight to Vince first? Is that it? Yeah, but I didn't know it was Vincent. And then the trail led me to her. To you. Look, Catherine, he didn't realize how important you are to me. But he does now, right? Yeah, you made that very clear to me. Right. You're really lucky to have somebody like him looking out for you, ma'am. You're lucky, too. So, that's it? You guys are drinking buddies again? Everything's hunky dory? Have a nice day? I-I said I was sorry. I've been minding my own business, living off the grid for ten years, okay? I don't want any trouble, you know? Especially now that I got an old friend back here. We're gonna have some fun. Yeah. I don't trust him. He may be Vincent's army buddy or whatever, but he tried to kill me. Wait, and Vincent still wants to hang with him? He's desperate to reclaim his memories, and Zach's a new resource. All right, I get that. I'm running a background check with his DNA, see what pops up. Yeah, but what happened to primping up for your reunion? I can't possibly go to that now. Why not? What, are you serious? Don't you think I want to go? I'm pissed that I'm missing it because of this. You don't have to. Don't give me that face. I know how much you were looking forward to this weekend. You know, you finally carve out a little bit of time for yourself, which Vincent has yet again compromised. He didn't mean to. It's not his fault that beasts keep showing up out of the woodwork. Yeah, well, it's not your fault, either, or always your responsibility. Come on, Cat, stick to your guns, okay? You only get one ten-year reunion. You should enjoy it. I know, but... No, no buts. You need to put the same time and effort into your own needs as you do into helping Vincent. Easier said than done. All right, how about this, okay? If it'll help, I will look into Zach. If I find anything big, I'll let you know, all right? Go, have a life, get your Ashanti on. Forget about Vincent for once. Okay. Mm! Still got the touch. So, uh, what, did we play here a lot? After we enlisted, definitely. By the way, I've been meaning to ask you, why are you going after all these other... you know, beasts? Well, that is on a need-to-know basis, and you don't need to know. Ooh. So, anything? Anything? No. You can't force his memories to come back, you know. Yeah? Well, how's it happened before, then? Uh, I guess I got a trigger or something. A sound or a touch. An emotion that reminds me of something. In that case, you definitely need to remember Gabriella. Who? Man, you are killing me! You don't remember Gabriella? Uh-uh. You have to remember her. You remember Gabriella, right? Yeah, but what's so important? She's the kind of girl you don't want to forget. Who is she? She was your babe, man, before you deployed. I mean, she loved you. Really? I-I thought I was engaged to someone named Alex. Um, yeah, but... you were going off to war, and you and Alex kind of separated. Anyway, who wants another round? But you didn't waste any time going after Gabriella. She said you were real smooth. I'm sorry. How would you know? I thought they met after you shipped out. Yeah, but I knew her first. She wrote to me when I was overseas. She told me everything, so... Excuse me. Are you boys doing okay? Yeah, we're all set here. Thank you. Wow. I... Wh-What? You got a hit, didn't you? I think so. That's good. We're making progress. All right. Lowan. Oh. Agent Reynolds. To what do I owe the pleasure? I heard about the assault on Cath... Detective Chandler at morning briefing. How is she? She's fine. Good. Have you I.D.'d the assailant? I mean, because he might want to make another attempt. I'm sorry. I didn't know that this case fell under the FBI's jurisdiction. It doesn't. But I promised her... her father that I would look after her. I just need to know if she's okay. Well, that's very kind of you. I'll be sure to let Catherine know you stopped by. So one of your own gets attacked and you're saying you don't need the FBI's help? Come on, Lowan. I'm not the bad guy here. Loop me in. You really want to help? Yes, I do. I've been trying to help Detective Chandler find her birth father. I've been running into a lot of high-level interference. Any chance the FBI can help cut through some of it? Sure. See what I can do. Guess what. I think Cat was actually... It's okay. What do you got? Well, I, uh... I tied Zachary Hayes' DNA to a cold case from 2005-- the murder of a Gabriella Bauer, age 24. Murder? The coroner's report said the victim's remains were found in shreds. Where's Detective Chandler right now? On her way to her high school reunion. Find her. Make sure she's safe. I've got Hayes. Check out these newbies. All bright-eyed and gung ho. Ready to lay down their lives for their country. That was us, man. Who knew what they'd do to us, right? Mm-hmm. What do you say we call it a day? What's your problem? You got a curfew? Yeah, JT, uh, you can go home if you want. I think... I just had a flash, you know? - I think it's helping. - Mmm. See that? This is helping. Hey. You're telling me that girl right there don't remind you of Gabriella? Those lips, those eyes. What? What'd you see? Uh... I-I think I saw Gabriella. You remember her? Beautiful, wasn't she? Yeah, ye, , she was. You remember how you stole her from me? Yeah. See, I shipped off. You stayed behind to nail my girl. Your girl? Damn straight. She wrote me a letter. She told me she fell in love with another recruit. Vincent Keller. Okay, come on, Zach, you know I don't remember... No, no, no, no, no. I was supposed to come home to her. She was supposed to be waiting for me, Okay, hold on... but she dumped me for you! Do you remember her now? ! Hey! Buddy! What the hell is your problem, man? Are you out of your mind? People are watching. You're a dead man, Keller. You understand me? You ripped my heart out and now I am going to rip out yours. Hi. Check you out, girl. Ten years has nothing on you. Look at you, hot mama. You're all aglow. Oh, I am not glowing; I am perspiring. No, she's nervous. Kim Pisano's checking us in. Kim Pisano. Once a mean girl, always a mean girl. Oh, my God, did you guys see Stacy Meyers? She looks fantastic. She finally got that thing removed. Cat, did you see... Cat! What? Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. Can you connect it to any other assaults? Well, keep trying and just be ready to go to air as soon as I get the exclusive. Both of you, stop. We are not just revisiting the past tonight; we are being fully present. Radio silence. Thank you. You win. Okay. Beth! I got to go. Thank you. Happy? Yes. Yes. I'd be a lot happier if I could drink, but yes. Let's party, girls, like it's 2003. Hi, Kim. Catherine Chandler. We were lab partners in tenth grade bio. Oh, right. I used to copy off you. Um, no plus-one tonight? I just... I can't believe that Zach thinks I betrayed him. Dude, I swear, you had no idea that girl was involved with him. How do you know this? Because you told me everything, and I remember. You-you had a little romance for a few weeks, then met up with Zach in Afghanistan. You did not break the bro code. Okay. I mean, good. I-I just... I need to talk to him. I need to make him understand. What? He's a beast. You can't reason with him. He's not like you. All this time on his own, that-that anger's built up. It's eaten away at him. Which is why I got to try. Okay? I fought with this guy. I served with him. But he hates you now, and he already went after Cat once. Which is why I got to make him understand, okay? So it never happens again. You've reached Catherine Chandler. Leave a message. Damn. ♪ One, two, three, uh! ♪ My baby don't mess around ♪ ♪ Because she loves me so ♪ And this I know for sure ♪ Uh! ♪ But does she really wanna ♪ But can't stand to see me ♪ ♪ Walk out the door? ♪ Don't try to fight the feeling ♪ ♪ 'Cause the thought alone ♪ ♪ Is killing me right now... Hey, Cat. It's me. Ira. Ira Webster. Ira! I see you're still rocking the mascot costume. And you're rocking the dance floor. You've still got those sweet moves. Thanks. Hey there, Wolves. Hi. Uh, just pardon the interruption. This is your class treasurer, Beth Bowman, here. I hope we're all having a great night, yeah? Right? Okay, just a small, quick announcement. We are finally breaking ground on the new swimming pool. Remember the time the team tied me up and left me dangling from the goalpost? Uh, yeah, that was... that was terrible. I happen to have some pledge cards here in my hand, and they're available throughout the room. You helped me down. Yeah, and you told them off. I said I'd be your slave for life. Search your hearts. That offer still stands. Dig deep into your pockets, and remember... Uh, um... this is our legacy! Thank you! Excuse me. Hey. Could I grab one of those cards? Are you kidding? I-I mean, it'd be great, but your father's been so generous already. Plus, everyone knows how much you fought for the pool in the first place. Wait, my... my dad donated? Yeah, in your name, too. Oh. I get a money order from him like clockwork every August. But not this past August. Yeah. Why? No, my, uh... my dad died in July. Catherine. What are you guys doing here? Uh, did you guys find her assailant? Uh, not yet. Please excuse us. Sorry. Look, sorry to crash your party, but you didn't answer your phone. What's wrong? Is it Vincent? No, it doesn't make sense, okay? Zach loved Gabriella. He came back from the war. He sought her out. He slaughtered her. But if you knew that, then how come he wasn't on your hit list? He is. I just didn't know how to proceed because of your history. But now that he found you, you got no choice. Take him out. He's a killer. Yeah, because of what Muirfield did to him. That's beside the point right now. Is it? Because, sir, the man that I knew, he was a patriot, okay? He was a good soldier. I can still reach out to him, okay? I got to explain. Spending all that time with Catherine is making you soft. What's that supposed to mean? Listen, you can't let your emotions interfere. It weakens you. It makes you vulnerable to him. Sir, I know what I'm doing. Zach. I've been waiting for you. Zach, buddy, you don't understand, okay? I never betrayed you. Like hell you didn't. You're not thinking straight. I know it's not your fault, all right? Muirfield did this. They changed us. They tapped into our rage, and they made us these killers. These beasts. But we are still men. And we can never let them take that away from us, okay? You stole her. Zach, listen to me... No, you listen to me. Before I kill you, I want you to suffer like I suffered. You took my Gabriella away from me, and now I am going to take your precious Catherine away from you. She's dead, Vincent! ♪ Here in your head... The truth is, we don't know where Vincent is, or Zach. JT called, maybe he knows. JT doesn't know, either. All he knows is Vincent left to try and reason with Zach. Reason with him? We have to find Vincent. Catherine, I'm more concerned about you. Zach already attacked you once to get to him, which means until we know exactly where Zach is... We should get her out of here. What is it? Ten years ago, I thought I would be a lawyer like my father, married, with kids, Botox. And now, ten years later, I am in love with one beast and I am running from another. So much for "Most Likely to Succeed." Catherine. Vincent, you're okay. Yeah. I gotta get you out of here now. Is it Zach? Yeah. Come on, let's get you out of here. No, I got her, thank you. It's okay. Okay, you take her out back, we'll watch the lobby. You'll be all right? Yes. She'll be fine. Look, I'm so sorry about all this. No, it's not your fault. ♪ Way down under... Whoa. Catherine... Come on, wait. Why? I thought you said we had to go. You're upset. Why would I be upset? It's just a high school reunion. It's not like I was actually looking forward to this or anything. You know, I said I was sorry. No, I'm... I'm sorry. I know all of... all of this pales in comparison to what you're going through, why you're here, but... What? I don't know. I guess I just feel silly whining about my crap when you're fighting beasts and trying to even figure out who you are, you know what I mean? Uh, I never realized you felt like that. Just tell me what I can do, okay? Nothing. I told you, this... this isn't your fault. Hey, buddy come on, man. The guy survived Afghanistan, then gets killed at a reunion in Westchester? Doesn't seem right. Chalk another one up to Muirfield. Excuse me, Mr. Lowan? Yes, um... Beth, right? That is right. Do you mind if I ask you a question? That man-- the soldier-- why do you think he was after Detective Chandler? Um... right now, we don't know. Uh, obviously, he suffered from PTSD, but we think she was probably just a random victim. Random? He attacked her in her home and here. Now, does that sound random to you? It sounds like something that's still under investigation, and as soon as we find anything out, we'll let you know, okay? Thanks. Um, just out of curiosity, was there anything... I don't know, unusual about Mr. Hayes? Any physical anomalies? You mean, like a birthmark? Could you be more specific? Not at this time. She didn't seem very happy. Yeah, but the mayor will be. You know, for now. Solved a cold case, tossed him a bone. Or at least didn't add another one to the pile. Oh, and, uh, by the way, little tip? If you want to have a shot with Cat, you might not want to go mano-a-mano with a beast. No, spare me your mock shock. Your feelings for her are pretty obvious. What? To Catherine, too? I don't know. Maybe. Are you sure you're okay? Got no headache, nausea, dizziness...? I'm okay. I'm okay. It's funny how you remember how to be a doctor, but you don't actually remember being a doctor. Well, I guess it's all coming back to me, slowly but surely. Even the bad things. Look, Catherine, I'm... I'm sorry about... No, it's okay. No, it's not. I feel horrible for what you've been going through, how much you've been sacrificing for me. I had no idea. But I guess with my memories coming back, I'm slowly beginning to realize exactly what you really do for me. And how much that costs you. You know, once these missions are over, I promise you that I will make this all up to you. What? Nothing. Just... thank you. I should be thanking you. You know, Catherine, I saw what Zach was like without Gabriella... you know, who he'd become. Lost, alone. I know that's what I would be like, too without you. There are a lot of cops around. Yeah. I guess I should probably go, huh? Yeah. Back door... for now. For now. Yeah. How's Catherine? Uh, I think she'll be fine, but I'd keep an eye on her. Will do. Nice reunion. What was the theme? The apocalypse? It's a wreck, like my life. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are going through a lot. Lost your dad, dealing with Vincent, searching for your birth father. You'll get there. What makes you so sure? You're kidding, right? Look at where I've come from. I used to be a beast, remember? We all have something to overcome. Gabe, don't think I don't know how much you've done to help me. I so appreciate it. It's my pleasure, Catherine. Me at a track meet. Hurdler, huh? Why am I not surprised? At graduation. Look how psyched we are. Wait. Why is Agent Reynolds at my graduation? Agent Reynolds? I think I just found my birth father. == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Thanks again for helping me move. No problem. Where do you want me to put this little fella? How about right on top of these two heavy boxes? You got it. Whew! Those stairs are a bitch. Especially with Mr. Lamp Cord trying to trip me the whole way up. I owe you one. No! That's what boyfriends are for. Ohh! You used "boyfriend" in a sentence. It felt right. It sounded right. We are so adorable. Look, I know that Brooklyn seems really far from your place, but it is super-close to my work. No, it's not that far. I looked, and it's just a bus to three trains to an 11-block walk. Piece of cake. Look, Tyler, I just hope that me moving here isn't going to change anything between us. No, of course not. Nothing's gonna change. Everything's gonna change. You guys are done. Damn. I think my shirt's on backwards. Yep. All's we're saying is now you're in a long-distance relationship. What are you guys talking about? Rachel moved to Brooklyn, not Phoenix. It would probably be better if she moved to Phoenix. It's true. Nonstop flight. Clean, well-run airport. Yeah. Guys, it's like 6 Miles. It's nothing. I'm staying at her place tonight. Before you go, make sure you convert your dollars into Brooklyn bucks. Damn it. What happened? Amy wants me to pick up a pony keg for our party tonight, and I don't know if I'm physically capable of doing that. Are, um, any of Amy's attractive, young lady friends gonna be at said party? Yeah. A lot. Okay. Then we'll grab the keg for you and see you there. Wait... were you not coming to our party otherwise? What do you want to hear? Hey, count me in, too. Yeah, right. You live in Brooklyn now. Yeah. You need to find Brooklyn friends. I will be there, even if I have to take a couple, or four, trains. Spanakopita... Fun to say, fun to eat. Dude, no. Don't... don't... Mmm! I hate to interrupt two men feeding each other, but anyone need a refill? I could use another. Perfect timing. I'm Amy's friend Jenny. - I'm Milo. - I'm Gibbs. I'm sorry. I didn't... Catch that. - Gibbs. - Milo. I heard "Giblo" and "Mibbs." Yeah. Let's try that one more time. Here we go. - Gibbs. - Milo. Well, it was nice to sort of meet you both. - I saw her first. - I saw her first. - No, you didn't. - No, you didn't. - Yes, I did. - Yes, I did. - Stop that! - You stop that! - Stop that! - No, you stop that! - I hate you so much right now. - I hate you so much right now. - Amy. This is a great party. - Oh! More importantly, great Jenny. Oh. Jenny. Did you get a look at her amazing... friendship with Amy? You... you need to set me up with Jenny, okay? She left before I could ask her out. But there was a definite spark. Uh, pretty sure that was our spark, and it was just so big, you thought it was yourspark. - Guys, I really don't want to get involved. - Why not? - Remember my cousin Allison? - No. The one you rented a cabin with over New Year's and never called again? I think I'd remember renting a cabin. And that's why I'm not getting involved. Uh, uh, t-that was a long time ago, honey. These guys have grown up since then. Gibbs has a Kindle. Milo has a Nook. Look, I've made it very clear how I feel. If you want to help them, that's fine. Just know this... I would like to see Jenny at my next party. Uh, you heard Amy. It's... it's a bad idea. Neal, you owe me. That pony keg didn't deliver itself. I carried it. And I pushed the buttons in the elevator. You owe me. Fine. I will see if she's interested in going out with either one of you. But I'm not making any promises she'll say yes. Oh, she'll say yes. To going on a date with Milo. ... 's friend, Gibbs. I win. All right! Brooklyn's in the house! Nice turnout. Hang on. Just give me one second. Why is your shirt all wet? Well, Teresa... She was sitting next to me on the bus... Asked me to hold Benji while she was tying Max's shoes. Benji, turns out... Not as potty-trained as Teresa originally thought. Also, some guy started spraying everybody with a hose. It's madness. Yeah, pretty tough being in a long-distance relationship, huh? No, I'm not in a... Aah! I got to head back if I'm gonna get some sleep before the morning commute. Great party, Neal! Thanks, Amy! These look great, but why do all these models look like they're on crack? Because they're for that article Alex wanted to do about models on crack. Oh. Well, then, good job. So, I just got a text from Jenny. Ah! When do I go out with her? Why do you assume it's you? Because, I mean... Really? She wants to go out with Milo on Friday. Sorry, Gibbs. You'll find love someday. And Gibbs on Saturday. Apparently, that day is Saturday. She wants to date both of us? Well, she wasn't sure which one was which, but she thought you both were cute. So it's on. No, it is not on. This is not a competition. Because a competition would be childish, and you two are adults, like I told Amy. No competition. Got it? Sure, sure. Adults. Yeah. Hey, guys. Look who fixed his problem. Was the problem that you wanted to look more like a spaceship? Or a sperm? Or a guy who's about to get his bike stolen? Go ahead... mock what you don't understand. What's not to understand? You're the guy who just bought everything they told you to buy in the bike store. This fixed-gear bike will free me from the tyranny of public transportation and cut my travel time to Rachel's in half. - Hmm. - Hey, boss. Nice shorts, Lance Ballstrong. Were they out of the kind of shorts that didn't show the outline of your testicles? Well, they had one pair, but I didn't like the color. Oh. Well, black is... slimming. Well, I'm off to Rachel's. Tyler, you do realize that fixed-gear bikes have no brakes, yeah? Yeah, right. I paid 400 bucks for this thing. I'm pretty sure it has brakes. Hey. Did you know fixed-gear bikes don't have brakes? So...what are you doing with Jenny tonight? I made a reservation on the roof of the Hudson hotel. Ha! Heh heh. What was that? Nothing. I hear you can almost see the top of a parking garage from there. Guys, remember... This isn't a competition. Oh, it's definitely not a competition if he's taking herthere. Where are you taking her? Roof of the Empire State building. Ever heard of it? I wasn't finished... Because after dinner, we're going on a helicopter tour of the city. Hot-air balloon to the moon. Boom! Blimp to the sun. Double boom. Hey. No one is taking her to the sun. All right? This is exactly what Amy was afraid of. I think we should set up some ground rules so things don't get out of hand. - It's fine by me. - Bring it. Great. Okay. Um... 10:30 curfew, one-drink maximum, and no pretending you're related to a famous person, Milo Garfunkel. I cannot agree to that, as I am a distant cousin. Good morning. Let's get the meeting started. How is everybody? Not so great... these guys are dating the same girl, and we're having trouble setting up some ground rules. That was rhetorical. - They don't... - It means "don't answer." The survival piece about the guy who was lost at sea... You're gonna do the interview, and you're gonna shoot it. - On it. - Got it. All right, this is huge for the magazine. Please do not mess it up. You know, the moment your blimp touches the sun, it'll explode. Then we'll go at night. All right, listen up, Gilmore girls. I can tell this is gonna get in the way of my magazine, so here are the ground rules for your stupid date. $100 limit, no trash-talking your opponent, and I don't want to hear about this ever again. Understood? Yeah, I think that... Why do you insist on answering my questions? Sorry, am I supposed to... No. Tyler. Wake up. Aah! This is my seat! Tyler? You okay? I'm sorry, Neal. I've seen stuff on the "G" train no man should see. I'm sure it's not that bad. This morning, I sat next to a guy that had screwdrivers for hands. Hang in there, man. Rachel's great. Yeah, I'm trying, but all I do is take public transportation to and from her place. On the way in this morning, I watched screwdriver hands eat five whole crabs. And then he fixed a loose railing. Well, maybe you and Rachel can just...meet in the middle. Wait, like a... like a rendezvous midpoint? That's a great idea. Less travel time, more time together. Yeah. Okay, it looks like halfway between me and Rachel is Gramercy Park. Oh. That's right near me. I mean, not rightnear me. You can't use my apartment! No, come on, Neal! Hanging at your place would be so much better than some random coffee shop. Yeah, but it's not just my place. It's Amy's, too. And she has made it veryclear that she does not want to be involved in my friends' sex lives. This isn't about sex. This is about maintaining an emotional connection with my girlfriend. So I will take your keys. And I will try to forget that you just assumed I was gonna have sex in your apartment. Here you go. And I'm... I'm really sorry. Hope we can still be friends. I hope so, too. Amy's gonna be at yoga till 5:00, so if we're gonna have sex, we should get to it. Let's do this. So? How'd your dates go? Mine went extremely well. Mine went extremely, extremely well. And you stuck to Alex's ground rules? - Come on, man. - Absolutely. - Price limit? - Of course. We'll have two bottles of Dom Pérignon. Whoa. Isn't that stuff really expensive? Oh. I don't know. I never look at prices. We'd like all of your oysters, please. And the trash-talking? Neal, please. You're beginning to hurt my feelings. Oh, my God. I also love traveling. - You do? - I do! Unlike Gibbs. He was a fat kid. That was nice of them to take back all those oysters. Well, I'm a regular here. Which reminds me... Milo was a bed-wetter. Totally followed the rules. Without them, we're animals. Wow. I'm impressed. You guys behaved yourselves, like grown-ups. Why are you surprised? It's like you don't even know us, Neal. You broke all the rules, didn't you? - Yep. - Almost immediately. Wow. I'm not usually a fan of couch sex, but this baby really held its own. What the hell? ! Neal said it was cool. So, now I have to get their rug cleaned and repaint their ceiling. Don't ask. So, are you back to your two-hour commute again? Nope. We came up with a new plan. That's right! We're skyping. Say hi to Rachel. Hi! Hi, Rachel. We just leave the camera on all the time, and it's like we're together. All the time? That's awesome. So when I walked through here earlier after my shower? Yep. I saw it. Good to know. Hey. Tyler? I have to grab my laundry. I'll skype you back soon? Skype you later. I love saying "Skype" instead of "see." It's like we're living in the future. Where we date laptops instead of real people. It's actually made our relationship even richer. I think if you spent a day with me, you'd skype what I mean. ♪ Me and you and you and me ♪ ♪ No matter how they toss the dice ♪ ♪ it had to be ♪ ♪ the only one for me is you ♪ ♪ And you for me ♪ ♪ so happy togethe-e-e-r ♪ ♪ oooooh ♪ ♪ so happy togethe-e-e-r ♪ I'm so dirty. Ohh! All right. This sucks. So, when did you start to worry? It was our 90th day at sea. Scott was getting pretty weak. We'd gone through our rations and couldn't catch any fish. We knew it was just a matter of time before we both starved. Oh. Can you hang on a second? Sorry. I thought I got a text from this girl I'm dating. That's cute. You think you're still in this. I don't see you with a second date. Sorry. Um, so, you were saying... Oh, yeah. So, uh, you and Scott were about to starve to something? Death. Starve to death. Right. Wow. So... Did you? No. But... On the 92nd day, Scott...was gone. And his last words to me were... Oh! Text from Jenny! Damn. Text from mom. Maybe I'll date her after I date Jenny. Eat me, Milo. You eat me, Gibbs. Sorry. He's being rude. Uh, so... Right... Scott. So, Scott's last words were...? "Eat me, Eric." So he was mad at you. No. He literally wanted me to eat his body so I could stay alive. Oh! Whoa! Please tell me you didn't! Of course I did! That's why I'm here! That's why Matt Damon is playing me in a movie! You know who loves Matt Damon? Jenny. Oh, but if you knew her better, you'd know she likes his writing, not his acting. Okay, this is ridiculous. I'm telling you about how my best friend made the ultimate sacrifice for my life, and you two are fighting over a girl? I mean, you make me sick to my stomach! And I ate my best friend! He's got a point, though. I mean, what are we doing here? I don't know... do we even like this girl, or are we just caught up in this stupid competition? Like her. Not as much I as do. See? This has to end. You're right. We need to go over there and break up with her for the sake of our friendship. Otherwise, we'll keep tearing each other apart. Just like Eric did to Scott. And that's why we don't think that this...or this... is gonna work. You're an amazing girl, and I'm sure you're gonna find someone great. You guys, I... Shhhhhh. But I just want to... Shhhhh. Shut up. Now, you may not find that special someone today, tomorrow, or even this year, for that matter, but... Hey, babe? You almost done? Who's that? That's my ex. We're back together. Oh. Well... We're still breaking up with you. Yeah. Look, you guys seem nice and everything, but it felt like you were trying a little too hard. I'm more of a stay-at-home, eat-a-pizza, make-a-sex-tape kind of a girl. That's a... That's a kind of girl? Hey, babe. Pizza's done. I got to go. Dodged a bullet right there, huh? Hell yeah. We'd much rather be out here together than in there eating pizza and making some sex tapes. Absolutely. Definitely. - I hate you so much right now. - I hate you so much right now. I wish it could be different. Me too. It's just that... I know. The distance... It's too much. It was a great three months, though. Ohh. The best. And look, if you ever move back into the city... Or if you ever move to Brooklyn... Yeah. Rachel, I'm gonna miss you. You too, Tyler. Okay! That's enough! Well, honey, we said they could use the midpoint for their breakup. They're going through something very emotional. Yeah, last time they went through something emotional, I had to re-upholster the couch. Excuse me, but we are very offended that you would think this painful moment would devolve into some meaningless last fling. We're sorry, Tyler. Now, if you could just leave your keys and take a couple laps around the block, we will try to forget what you've done. Thank you, Tyler. Honey, let's go. Sit down, Neal. It was worth a shot. My friend, I am sorry about Rachel. Yeah, we're gonna miss her. Although, I am not gonna miss having to wear pants in the living room. Hey, maybe we should keep that rule going. Tyler. You okay? I'll live. You just need to get back out there, you know? You see the new waitress? She lives in the East Village. Nope. After Rachel, I'm enforcing a strict one-train policy. And anyway, I'm not ready to move on yet. It's hard to find a girl like Rachel, who's smart and funny and will also have sex on a stove. You had sex on my stove? What do you wanna hear? Previously on "Nashville"... - I'm Will. I just moved in upstairs. - Gunnar. Nice to meet you. - This is my girlfriend Scarlett. - Nice to meet you. - Mama had a "friend." - You mean like an affair? Call this guy for a roadie gig. We spend so much time trying to keep out the bad that we end up missing out on the good. Scarlett? You got yourself a record deal. Sign the damn contract, please. How do you think Teddy would feel if he knew it was you who leaked all those lies about Rayna? Here's to our new baseball stadium. - (Albert) Lamar? - (Gasps) Lamar? (Gossling's "Heart Killer" playing) ♪ I'm known as a killer ♪ a heart killer ♪ I'll have it so you don't know ♪ I'm nothing but a mean foe ♪ I'm gonna be your partner ♪ you're love partner Are you tired? Are you kidding me? (Laughs) Good. (Laughs) But we should probably talk about your mother. That's a mood killer. I'm sorry, but I crossed the line, and before I cross it again, I... I think we should think this through. Unless, of course, this is a one time thing. Well, do you want it to be? No. I thought you might. You've read too much of my bad press. I should probably resign as your mom's sober companion. She is so fragile. Maybe we should just keep whatever's going on between us quiet till she's a little stronger. Not the healthiest plan. You got a better idea? No. Well, then I guess we're done talking about my mama. - (Whispers) Are we? - Mm-hmm. (Chuckles) (Knock on door) (Knock) (Exhales) (Sighs deeply) - Hey. It's the middle of the night. - We got a family emergency. I gotta get my girls back to Nashville. - Are they okay? - They... they're fine. It's, um, their grandfather. - And I was just gonna ask you if I might... - My jet's at Teterboro. I'll just tell 'em you're on the way. Thanks. You're gonna be back for the show tonight, right? I don't know. I might have to cancel. A... a sold-out show in New York? I'll let you know. Thank you. Appreciate it. Thank you. All right. I'll see you in a bit. (Cell phone clatters) (Peggy) What? (Sighs) Lamar had a heart attack. Rayna's on her way back with the girls. I gotta meet 'em at the airport. Is it serious? You know, I don't know. He's in cardiac I.C.U. But the... the girls are really upset. They'll all be coming back. - Right. I... I'll get my things together. - Okay. (Sighs) Who was ringing the doorbell at the crack of dawn? Uh, that was a messenger picking up my contract at 9:40 A.M. Okay. (Laughs) Does that mean it is a done deal? You and Edgehill Records? I guess so. Good, because that means I do not have to waste... this. - (Laughs) Oh, baby. If I start drinking now... - (Refrigerator door closes) - I'm not gonna get anything done. - Ah-ah! That attitude will not be tolerated. But you can go get me a couple glasses. - This is gonna be a celebration day. - (Giggles) (Cork pops) Ooh! Ahh. And by the way, this is step one of a two-step process. - Mm-hmm? - Step two involves... (Clears throat) Well, it involves the bedroom. - I'll tell you about that later on. - (Laughs) But if I go back to bed, I think it's gonna just be to sleep, 'cause you were thrashing around all last night. - I was? - Mm-hmm. You having bad dreams about Jason? You wanna talk about it? I do not wanna talk about what I can't remember. So, today is about you, and it's about celebrating your success. So I'm calling it the 24-hour Scarlett O'Connor party. - Bottoms up. Oh, yeah. - Oh... ♪ - That's a good dog. - (Whimpers) I wish I could just go with you. - Just take me with you. - (Laughs) It's only a week. You'll be fine. - You'll live. - It's a week too long. (Indistinct conversations) - Oh, wait. I got something... - I gotta go. - Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. - Uh... What is that? You want me to water your plants? I don't have any plants. All right? I just want you to make yourself at home. Well, I have a home. Now you got a key to mine. (Laughs) Call me when you land, all right? - Hey. - Yeah. (Engine turns over) (Indistinct conversations continue) (Car door closes) (Knocks on window) Avery? What are you doing here, man? Uh, I'm with the tour. - What, are you opening? - No, I'm a roadie. I thought you had a... a deal - and a song on the radio and everything? - Yeah, well, not anymore. (Man) Hey, kid. Whatever your name is. Name's Avery. Whatever. Hold up on that. Take that stuff back inside. Good chance tonight's show is canceled. Wait. Hold on. Wait, wait. Canceled? Rayna's dad's in the hospital. Guess it's pretty bad. I hate hospitals, ever since mom died. Please don't go there. Daddy's a fighter. He's gonna be fine. Nothing else. And, you know, mom just got taken away from us too soon. - Tandy. - Oh, hey. Um, you know what? Let me just talk to him really quick. Why don't you go in and start this? Okay. (Sighs) I wanna give him an update on the stadium deal. - Uh, but they said family only. - Albert. Albert. Do you really think I care about this right now? Please, let me just go with my sister. You're C.F.O. You should care about this. God knows your father would want you to. (Monitor beeping rhythmically) Hey. Where's Tandy? She's out talking to Albert. I thought you were on the road. I was. I had the girls with me, so... I must be in pretty bad shape for you to miss a show. Well, they were worried. So I was worried. But I can see that you're all full of piss and vinegar, so you must be feeling better. That's right. I am. There's no need for you to stop what you're doing. I mean, the show must go on, right? Yeah. I will let Tandy know that you would like to see her. You take care, daddy. Just because Rayna had to cancel does not mean that I should have to. This is the final night in the biggest country music market there is, and I was supposed to close. I thought we were having a therapy session. She's dealing with a career crisis here, okay? And mani-pedis help her think. You know, Marshall, you keep telling me that you have this roster full of talented people. Would you just find someone to sub? Wasn't this your solo tour to begin with? Seriously. I mean, it's bad enough that my fans have to sit through her show to get to mine. And I just checked. Your new single's had 50,000 downloads since midnight. I don't know why they can't just get a local act to open up for you. I would just expand my set. Dante, can I talk to you for a minute? I can put a few more songs in there. Talk to the audience about 'em, get 'em excited about the new album. Maybe even negotiate a little extra cash as the night's sole performer. You know, will you tell Deacon - that he needs to get the band up to speed on the new stuff? - (Keypad beeping) - I got it. - What were you saying, mama? I took a bottle of vodka from the honor bar last night. Well, I didn't drink it, but I tried to call you, and you didn't answer. I... We need to focus on my therapy. And I think it's time that Dante and I go home. Hey, it's Rayna. Leave me a message. I'll get right back to you. Thanks. (Voice mail beeps) Hey, it's me. Um, listen, I'm real sorry to hear about your dad. They say you might be canceling tonight, so that must mean it's pretty bad. I know this whole thing... has got to be pretty complex for you, to say the least. I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. Uh, okay. Bye. Hey. We canceling or not? Not. Juliette's gonna go on. Of course she is. Juliette wants the band to have these ready by the time we go on tonight. What, ten new songs? She said they weren't new to you, and she's keeping it simple. New guy. We're missing a set of Juliette's ears. Check her hotel suite. If it's not there, check the venue. Her dressing room. Bathroom. Tour bus. - Anywhere you think to look. - Okay. Hey, you know, I thought I'd be more of a load-in guy. Well, right now, you're a do-what-you're-told guy. Find the ears. Yes, sir. * (Indistinct conversations) (Juliette) Thanks, Bo. You really need to pick up the pace next time. Well? Well, I talked your mom off the ledge. She's in the greenroom journaling right now. I told her I'd circle back in a little while. Good. I'm gonna need you to come to rehearsal with me. Apparently, the band's not thrilled about adding the new songs. Too bad. You're the boss. That's right. I am the boss. Yes, you are. (Hinges squeak) Damn, girl, you ever gonna get up? Probably not. What you razzing me for? You're the one who got me back in here. (Giggles) 'Cause we were supposed to be celebratin'. - Aah! (Giggles) - Come on! Mwah. So... what do you wanna do the rest of the day, huh? Mm... This, please? Will you write with me? We haven't done it in ages. You know, I'm not really in the mood... if that's all right. And I call this work, and we're supposed to be partying anyway. So... (Laughs) How about we go listen to some music instead? - Okay. - Yeah? You wanna bring Will, too? You guys got on really well the other night. Yeah, sure. Whatever you want. Mm. What in the hell good is it to finance an entire hospital wing when I can't even get a damn milk shake when I want it? These people are not your employees. (Monitor beeping rhythmically) - You heard anything from the Governor? - Yes. He's gonna talk to Teddy about his plan for Subway Field. - Talk? - Yeah. He'd better tell Teddy there's only one location for that stadium, and it's on our land. (Cell phone rings) Ahem. Oh, no. (Ring) No. No more business. You need to rest. This is ridiculous. I don't belong in here. - Okay, daddy, daddy... - And I damn sure - don't need you treating me like I'm a child. - Okay. Back in this bed right now. (Groans) You had a heart attack. (Pants) And if you do not stay in this bed, I'm gonna call someone in here with a sedative so fast, that your head's gonna spin. (Amplified voice) * 'cause we are water, we flow and flow * ♪ I feel you pouring through ♪ ♪ every inch of my soul ♪ ♪ and I really must tell you this ♪ ♪ before you go ♪ ♪ we are water ♪ ♪ we flow and... ♪ (Static, feedback whines) ♪ - Stop. Stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop, where are my ears? - (Music stops) This is crazy. And my... my front monitors are buzzing. Why? Why are they buzzing? I can't hear myself. - And what I can hear sucks. - Come on. Get the other earphones. Guys, I know that y'all don't know the songs yet, but it's ten songs. Ten. That's it. - Okay? It's not that hard. It's not that hard. - All right, you know what? Let's take a quick break here, guys. Uh, we have a show in five hours. We do not have time to take a break. I know when the show is, all right? - I just wanna talk to you a second. - Yes. You're asking an awful lot out of all these people here, you know? - I'm asking for one day. - Yeah, well, I just don't... Come here. This stuff isn't supposed to happen. Not in Gale. Well, some bad stuff happens everywhere, baby. (MONKEY SQUEALING) YIN: The Xigos were bred by a sorcerer to be soldiers. When killed, they come back to life. They duplicate. They become two new Xigos. When the sorcerer died, the surviving Xigos fled. How did you get into the demon-killing business? Centuries ago, the emperor commissioned my clan to hunt the surviving Xigos wherever they had fled. They must be killed by our blessed weapons. Otherwise, they will duplicate. (ANIMALS CALLING) (TWIGS SNAPPING) I told you, no guns. Yeah, and I told you, we don't go anywhere without our guns. We had an agreement. I know. Bring the guns, but don't use 'em. Your guns are gonna make it worse. Much worse. And how are we supposed to defend ourselves? You found and tracked one of 'em. I paid you to track. Nothing more. Our weapons were blessed long ago. Only our weapons will stop the Xigo. Not create more. No guns, Joe. So why don't you just bless our guns? Ancient demons require ancient weapons that were blessed long ago and passed down through our family. (SCREECHING) (SCREAMING) (GROWLING) (RUSTLING) (BRANCHES SNAPPING) (GRUNTS) Done and done. No! (GUN FIRES) (GROWLING) Now do you know why we didn't want you to sell the other monkey? He was their leader. There's another one left. We need to continue our hunt. How you holding up? I just want her back. I'm gonna find the son of a bitch. And when I do... I won't need no warrants or cuffs. Sheriff, don't you think this might be kind of early to start treating this like a murder? It looked like some kind of animal attack. Yeah. What kind of animal? There ain't no animals around here that could do something like that. This... This ain't Africa. You know how we always played the game, right, BB? I need you to be with me on this one. It may not be straight. Are you with me? Yeah. I always got your back, Sheriff. (MONKEY SQUEALING) Come on. Let's get into bed. You're the only thing that's making me smile right now. All right. Good night. (SIREN WAILING) You sure you're feeling up to this? I mean I could take care of this if you want. Maybe you should go home and get some rest. No. Whoever killed my daughter isn't resting. Neither am I. Okay. Let's just get to the Tompkins farm and check it out. It's about damn time. Mmm, trust me. I'm not in the mood. I'd listen to him, Mr. Tompkins. What do you got? It's around here. You ain't gonna believe the mess. Got my best damn pig. You want this? What do you eat? (SIGHING) Hey, baby. You hanging in there? Yeah, I'm trying. All right. Well, I gotta take off for a little bit. Will you call me, if you need me? Yeah.I will. All right. Um, where did you get Skippy from? Where'd I get... Uh, Rudy's. It's this, uh, pet store right by my office. Why? He just won't eat anything. So I don't know. I was gonna ask them what they were feeding him. Won't eat a banana? Tried. Wow. Monkeys don't eat bananas. That's weird. Can I actually, uh, have a banana? Yes. Thank you. All right. Okay. Bye. Good-bye. Are you ready to go? Yeah. I guess. Are you going on the monkey food diet? Pretty much what I do eat. But Skippy hates that stuff. He doesn't eat anything. I just hope he's not sick. So what did he eat where your dad got him? Who knows? My dad was so worried about making up for graduation, I don't think he even thought about it. Hey, count yourself lucky. Some kids just get cars and trips to Europe. You got a monkey that costs nothing to feed. Hey, can we stop by the pet shop on the way home? I'll ask them there. Yeah, cool with me. (GASPS) Maybe I can get one, too. Yes! Yes! Heard 'em squealing last night. Came out with Old Blue ready to let fly at a pack of coyotes. "Old Blue"? My shotgun. Oh. But by the time I got here, whatever ate my hog was long gone. Got my dog, too. Loved that little guy. Ripped him apart like the Devil himself had a craving for pooch and pork. But you wanna know the strange thing? No tracks. And I've done a fair share of tracking in my life. Whatever got my hog, ain't no coyote. Yeah, unless that coyote got himself a new pair of wings. I promise, Jim, we'll get to the bottom of this. Whoa, can I help you, ladies? Hey, um, my dad got a monkey from you. No returns. Don't even go there. Oh. I wasn't trying to return him. I was just wondering what you were feeding him. You know, I've tried nuts, grains, and fruit. But he won't eat anything. Cats and birds. That's all he ate when I had him. Are those double yellow heads? Um, those are endangered species. You shouldn't have them or be selling them. What are you, some sort of animal rights freak? I run a legitimate business here. Um, I mean, I was just... You were just leaving. Well, thanks for the info. Bye. Freak. I wanna thank you for helping us eliminate the Xigo. There is one more in America because of you. Who'd you sell the monkeys to? Some guys. Said they worked for a collector, all right? A name. We need to find them. You paid me to track for you. I did my job. We don't squeal on our clients. I'm gonna count to three. One... I thought honor meant something in your world. Two... Like he said, we don't know anything. So you're just gonna have to shoot. (GROANS) The name. Yeah. All right. All right. It's, uh... Tell me! Rudy Marcus. He trades in animals. All right? (Sums) So how you doing? You hanging in there? Yeah. I'm fine. You know, if you need to talk to someone, you can come to me. You know that. Right? Do you ever think about her? (Sums) Yeah. Yeah. Every minute of every day. Well, I guess we're boring him, huh? (XIGO GROWLING) (FLUTTERING) Skippy? Skippy? Skippy! Skippy! Skippy! (GROWLING) (XIGO SCREECHING) (SOFT THUD) (SOFT GROWLING) (CLATTERING) (SOFT GROWLING) (PIG SQUEALING) I got you now, you sons of bitches. I knew they had wings. (GROANING) Got you, you son of a bitch! Gotcha! You like some of that? (XIGO GROWLING) (ROARING) Oh, man! What... Ow! (SCREAMING) Okay. And get the milk... (SQUEALING) Whoa! Oh, hey there, little guy. Where the heck have you been, huh? Somebody is gonna be glad to see you. Oh, I got an idea. Let's surprise somebody, huh? Let me, uh, let me get this together. Where is the tray? Uh... Look what I found, huh? Skippy! Oh! (LAUGHS) I was so worried about you. Where'd you go, huh? I'm worried about you. You know, today being Jason's funeral and everything. I just want you to know, whatever you need, I'm there for you. Okay? Thank you. All right. Well, uh, breakfast is ready. I'll be downstairs whenever you two wannajoin me, okay? Okay. All right, bye-bye. Thanks, Dad. Where'd you go, little guy? Where did you go last night, huh? You can't run away like that, okay? You could get killed out there. Did you get hurt? (LAUGHS) It's Jim, all right. No tracks. Just like the pigs. Whatever did this swooped in, tore the old man up to smithereens. What we're dealing with here is the same thing that killed Chasity. Sheriff, this is getting way out of hand. We need to call in the Feds. Call 'em. But I'm not waiting for 'em. It'll take 'em two days to get here. Who knows what can happen in two days. Thanks for bringing me. Like I would let you drive today. And, you know, just being there for me. Of course. Did you want me to come by after Chasity's funeral? If you want. Do you think I'm a bitch for not going? What? No! (LAUGHING) Are you crazy? The only reason I'm going is because our parents are friends. Okay. I love you. Mmm. Thank you. Tell Skippy I said hi. I will. (ENGINE STARTS) JOAN: Sonya? Paul. Hey. Hey, Joan. Hey, what's up? I wanted to try and talk to you after the funeral. But you sort of took off before I could. I just, uh, thought I'd stop by. It's not a problem or anything, is it? No, it's fine. It's terrible what happened, you know. Jason. But, I mean, really, you think about it, this could happen to anybody. Could happen to me. Yeah. I still can't believe it. Listen, what Jason did... I... I'm really sorry. Like... Um, I'd rather not talk about it. But he knew how much I liked Chasity. And we talked about it at graduation. He helped me. He was on my side. He told me how to make her like me. Everything. But you know, after seeing what he did to the both of us, he didn't care about anyone's feelings except for his own. I don't really think that matters. Yeah. But you know what matters is, I would never, ever, ever cheat on you like that. It's been a pretty crazy day. And, um... I'm sorry... I'm just... All I'm trying to say is, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, a hand to hold, I can be that guy. Okay. Um... Thank you. Paul! (MONKEY SCREECHING) You have a monkey? You little bastard! Stop! Stop! What is your problem? Please, can you just go? But, Joan, I... Go! (CAR DOOR OPENS) (CAR DOOR CLOSES) (CAR STARTS) (MONKEYS SCREECHING) (LAUGHING) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Who is it? (LAUGHING) Who is it? What the... Who the... Oh! Yah! (GROANS) We're looking for a monkey that you recently flew to America. What? The monkey! Where is it? Who the hell are you guys? Interpol? Do we look like Interpol to you? Where's the monkey? What is it with everyone and this monkey? That monkey killed my partner. It ate the other animals in the cargo. I told him not to take it. You're going to take us to him. (Sun FIRING) Man, screw her stupid-ass monkey. (MONKEY CHATTERING) What's that? Hello? No. That little monkey. (SQUEALING) Uh, you laughing at me? Huh, is that it? You laughing at me, little man? That's cute. Well, guess what? You scratch my back, I'll shoot yours. That's what's up. I'll take you home, little man. Let's see you scratch me now, huh? (MONKEY CHATTERING) Skippy? Skippy? Skippy? (GROWLING) Skippy! ♪ I'm dying, and I'm uh... ♪ (THUDDING) Dead or alive, monkey, you're going up on my wall. (SCREECHING) (YELLING) I don't know where you get them wings, but I do know it's dying time, my friend. (GROWLING) Oh, damn. (SCREECHING) Yes. Yes, yes, yes, sweetheart. Yeah, I'll be home just soon as I make the, uh, cash deposit. (CHUCKLES) Would you cut that out? You know I'm always careful. All right. Later. (WINGS FLAPPING) (SOFT GROWL) (GROWLING) What? What the... 9-1-1. (GROWLING) (XIGOS GROWLING) Skippy. (GROWLING) (DIALING) (PHONE RINGING) Hey, I know. I know. I know it's late. Dad, he flew out of the window, so I followed him. And then there were more. He killed Mr. Sites. Wait, wait. Wait. Just... Will you slow down? Who killed Mr. Sites? Skippy! He grew these wings, and he became really big and just flew out of the window and took off. Honey, um, look. I... I can't understand you, okay? I'm on my way home. All right? Where are you? At the gas station. Okay. Well, go home. All right? Go home. Lock the door. I'm on my way. Okay? (SOBBING) Please just hurry, Dad. I will. I will. Lock the doors. (CELL PHONE RINGING) Sheriff. Yeah, Sheriff, it's James Palma. Um, my daughter, uh, she just called, and she's at Sites gas station. And then, she said... I didn't get all of it straight. She was very panicked, but she said that there was some sort of flying animal, and it had killed Old Man Sites. She said Old Man Sites is dead? Like I said, she wasn't making a lot of sense. Look, I need you to do me a favor. Can you get over to the house right now? I'm about 20 minutes away. Okay? Can you get over there? All right, James. I'll be there in five. Okay. Thank you. I'll meet you there. Okay? Baldridge, head over to the filling station. James Palmajust called, said his daughter witnessed the murder of Mr. Sites. Said, uh, some sort of flying animal, whatever, got him. Wait, Sites is dead? That's what you're gonna find out. I'm gonna swing over to James' place and get a statement from his daughter and meet you back over there. I don't think the suspect will still be there. But if he is, you know what to do. Copy that. (GROWLING) Well, well, well. If it's not my old friend little Wang. Back so soon? I'm assuming you didn't fly halfway around the world to say hello. You got my animals? Not exactly. What is this, your entourage? The monkey, where is it? What are you, a cop? They're not cops. Then what the hell are you doing in my store? We need to know where the monkey is. It's right here. (GRUNTING) Apparently you don't understand English too well. So my friend, Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson, are gonna translate for you. (GRUNTING) I don't appreciate your presence in my store uninvited. In America, we call that trespassing. And I got every legal right to put you down where you stand. Screw you! It's the last time I'm asking. Where's the monkey? I sold it, all right? To who? Give me a name. Uh, uh, he wrote me a check. It's in my pocket. I haven't cashed it yet. You're coming with us. What the hell for? You got what you wanted. To put a face to the name. Get up! I feel like I'm going crazy, but that's what I saw. I mean, they weren't wearing a costume or anything like that? They were eating Mr. Sites! Uh, that don't make sense. I mean, are you sure? Yes! I'm 100% positive. That is what I saw. BALDRIDGE ON RADIO: Sheriff, come in. Go ahead. No sign of Sites over here, but something big went down. Place is trashed. I'm on my way. You're welcome to come along if it makes you feel safer. No, it's fine. My dad's coming home soon. (CAR DOOR OPENS) Looks like that's him. Sheriff, I'm so sorry about Chasity. Me, too, honey. It's not your fault. Hey, James. Hey. Watch over her. Thanks for coming by. I will. I'll give you guys a call. Let you know what's up. All right. Thanks for checking in. You look worried. Haven't seen you this worried before. You should be, too. I mean, everybody in this country owns a gun. HONG: And they love using them. There could be hundreds of them by now. Yeah. We have to kill the leader. (CAMERA CLICKING) What the hell you got? Lots of blood, but no bodies. No tracks? No. Just like Tompkins' place. (XIGOS GROWLING) Whoa! What the hell are those things? I have no idea what they are. But I do know they're the son-of-a-bitches that killed my Chasity! Think we killed 'em? Maybe. Go in the garage and see if they got a ladder, and we'll check it out. Whoa! (GUN FIRING) Run! Run, BB! Run! (SCREAMING) BB! (SHOWER RUNNING) (RINGING) Pizza's here. Hey, sorry it took so long. This place was hard to find. That'll be $15. Okay. Thank you. Enjoy that pizza, sir. (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) Mmm. (SOFT GROWL) (GASPS) (GROWLS) (GRUNTING) I've called Sonya over 100 times, and she still isn't picking up. I can't get through to the Sheriff either. We have to go check on them. Well, hold on. Okay? I mean, we're not even sure they're in trouble, right? (Sums) Okay, look. This is what I'm gonna do. I'll go by the gas station. I'll check on the Sheriff. Then on my way back here, I'll go by Sonya's, see if she's okay, see if she wants to come back here and be with us. Okay? No, I'm... I'm coming with you. Hey, Joan. Hey. I need you to stay here, all right? This is the safest place for you. I mean, if anything would happen... Okay? Okay_ Okay. But you have to call me, okay? I will. I promise. All right. Okay. All right, be safe. (BREATHES DEEPLY) Oh! God! Your daughter was right. About what? The flying bat monkeys. They... They attacked, uh, Baldridge in the pasture. They came, and they ate him. Came after me. One jumped on my back, and then I got in the shed. And then they all flew away. So you saw what Joan was talking about. Like, a flying bat monkey? I'm saying I saw exactly what Joan described. You're lucky she's still alive. You know how to use one of these? What do you think? Just take the safety off, pull the trigger. I got a bad feeling this has something to do with Skippy. I gotta get back to the house. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, what do you mean, "Skippy"? Skippy. My daughter's pet monkey. Well, how long you had Skippy? I gave it to her the day after graduation. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come here. Let's go. It's quicker, safer, and I got tons of ammo. Get in! (BANGING ON DOOR) SONYA: Open up! Open up! Open... Oh, my God! Oh, my God! You okay? Sonya... Oh, my God, Sonya, are you okay? You don't have any crazy monkeys in here, do you? No, no, no. Why aren't you wearing any clothes? I was taking a shower. He was in there. He was in there looking at me. My God. It was horrible. Are you okay? Sonya, are you okay? I punched it in the face. Look, let's... Let's get you some clothes. Come on. (SIREN WAILING) DIS PATCH ER: Sheriff Flemings, please respond. We got a situation down at the sugar mill. Possible 459. I'm on my way. All right, we're gonna stop off at the sugar mill. And then we're gonna go check on Joan. (TIRES SCREECHING) Stay back. Let me take a look. Okay. I'll be right here. Just keep your eyes peeled. What? Do... Do you see something? The door's locked. He's probably around back. Let's... Let's go around back. Scotty, the pizza kid. They swarmed him, attacked him, and ate him. Pizza's warm. It just happened. Well, you know, maybe he... Maybe he's wounded, and he's just hiding someplace. Is that possible? Let's check on the guard. Hey, get yourgun up. You see anything flying, just point and pull the trigger. Hey. You can do this. Come on. FLEMINGS: Damn. (Sums) (EXHALES) Okay, I gotta get back to Joan. Okay? You gotta call for backup. Maybe the National Guard, okay? I really... I have to get back to my daughter, all right? Just hold on a sec. Okay, just... (WINGS FLAPPING) (XIGOS SCREECHING) Run! Run! Oh! God! Run! (Sun FIRING) Here. Point. Shoot. Ammo! Gale, Kansas, look at that. We don't need to go to the Palma house. I mean, I can hear their gunfire. They're everywhere. What's with these fools and their guns? Let's go. Get down! Get down! Get down! Get down! Get down! Get down! Gotta load the guns. What? We gotta load the guns! Here. Where's your gun? You just took it. It's in the car. Oh, they'll be back. Here you go. Drop your weapons! Drop 'em, now! What, are you protecting those things? No. We're protecting you. You're making things worse. Okay, Bruce Lee, feel free to make things better. Shooting them with your guns is only causing them to multiply. HONG: They only die when we kill them. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. Me and James have been killing 'em. That's why they backed off. They're calm because they come in waves. Trust me. They will be back. You seriously don't realize how they are increasing in numbers every time you shoot them? FLEMINGS: What are those little toys? These are ancient weapons that were blessed long ago and passed down through our family. We wouldn't have to be here if it could happen any other way. A week ago, there were only two of the Xigos left on the planet. Now, because of all your shooting, look at what you have started! Hey! You son of a bitch! What'd you sell me? I didn't know. I thought it was just a monkey. Oh, you didn't know? I told him that monkey was bad news. Yeah, well, your dumb ass sold it to me. And you still owe me for the rest of 'em. Now's not the time! Look, I need to know everything you know about the monkey. I bought it from that guy right there at his pet store. Seemed like a great pet. It was very cute. They'd been bonding. Bonding? Yeah! If one's been in your home, you should be dead. And you haven't noticed anything strange about him? I mean, to me, it... It really seems like he loves her. They're killers. At night they transform and hunt. They don't bond. Your house is his nest now. No matter what he's like during the day, your daughter is in danger. HONG: We have to get to your daughter now. Let's get the hell out of here! (SCREAMING) What about my money? No guns! Oh, God! Get in the car, now! Drive! Get in and go! YIN: Hong! (GRUNTING) Hey! No! No! (GRUNTING) (SCREAMING) You know, one minute he wasn't there and I was taking a shower. And then, I opened my eyes, and there he was, staring at me, in the shower! I feel so violated. (GIRLS SCREAMING) Joan! You're safe. Oh, God. Oh, God. My God, I was so worried about you. JAMES: Oh. This is Yin. She's hunting Skippy. Do you have a picture of him? Of Skippy? Um, yeah. That's Nikko. Not Skippy. Who's Nikko? He would've been the last if I had gotten to him first. He leads the others now. How do we kill him? With a sanctioned weapon. All right, aside from using these blessed weapons of yours, what do we do? I mean, there's way too many out there to use just swords and arrows. He's the oldest of all the Xigo. We kill him, and the rest die with him. Okay, well, if he's this first-born whatever-you-call-it, why didn't he kill me? Because he likes you. Nobody's ever tried to befriend or be kind to them. They've always been treated as the monsters that they are. When he comes for her, we will be waiting outside. Are you suggesting that we go out there and leave Joan here as bait? Yes! No! He will come back for her. We have to. No way! Dad, I don't think he'll hurt me. He let me live at the gas station when he could've easily killed me. Here. Take the weapons. JAMES: Joan... Find someplace safe to stay. I will. Hey, Joan... Find someplace safe, all right? YIN: It'll be dawn soon. So monkey bat will turn into Skippy when the sun comes up. Yes. It'll be easier to kill him that way. We just gotta wait, make sure he doesn't see us, and we'll be waiting for him. (XIGOS SCREECHING) (ROARING) Get up. Hey! (GRUNTING) Hey! Monkey bat! Get off my porch! (GRUNTING) (CHOKING) Skippy! Where have you been? Been looking all over for you. Can you take a couple of girls? (GROWLS) (SCREAMING) Joan. Thank you. All right. I'm done. All right? I started this. It's time to end it. I'm going in there. No. Take Sonya and go someplace safe. Now. Joan, go! Let's go. (XIGO SCREECHING) (GROANING) Hey! You, monkey dude, your breath stinks. Get off him! (SCREAMS) Come on. No more monkey business. (CROSSBOW SHOOTING) You Okay? Yeah.I think so. (SCREECHING) (EXHALES) (GRUNTS) Didn't I tell you to go someplace safe? I saved your life twice. I think you should be thanking me. Mmm. Well, I guess... I guess we'll call it even, huh? Yeah, and don't be bringing home anymore pets. Deal. See that aspiring model there? That's me... Deb... until the day I died. I thought I'd go straight to heaven, but there was a bit of a mix-up, and I woke up in someone else's body. So now I'm Jane, a super-busy lawyer with my very own assistant. I got a new life, a new wardrobe, and the only people who really know what's going on with me are my girlfriend Stacy and my guardian angel, Paul. I used to think everything happened for a reason. Whoo! Now, I sure hope I was right. Drop Dead Diva 5x02 - The Real Jane Original air date June 30, 2013 Previously on Drop Dead Diva... Excuse me, Fred? Oh! You're old Jane. You are the one who sent Deb back into my body. How did she do it? Was it one of these buttons right here? Do I need to call security? Oh, it's the return button. No! No! So old Jane's soul went into Owen's body. Owen never died. Jane's soul was never inside of him. Yeah, I just figured that out. So, where is old Jane? That's the thing. We don't really know. You, uh, may want to carry pepper spray. Oh, hi. I thought you were someone else. It's me... the real Jane. And I want my life back. Good morning. - Where have you been? - Ugh. I worked late at the pakery, and I fell asleep. Why? What's wrong? I swear I didn't eat your yogurt. Stacy, old Jane... is back. What? ! Yes. She was here in this house. I don't understand. If her soul was up there and her body is right there, whose body is her soul in now? Apparently, a ditzy lingerie model was practicing her catwalk on the pier. She slipped on a mackerel, hit her head on the tackle box. She flatlines. Old Jane's soul goes into her body. This kind of thing doesn't happen. Do you remember what happened to me? Right. Okay. She accused me of stealing her life and then destroying everything she cared about. Ugh! You fixed her split ends and got her mom into therapy. She should kiss your feet. I know, right? - Mm-hmm. - Oh. Huh. Hello? Okay. Okay. Fine. That was her. She was at my office. Well, which she called her office, and I guess she wants to see me. Tell her she can't have her Porsche back. Hey, stud. Can I help you? Dude, it's me... Cyd. Cyd Pinar, from basketball league. - Holy crap. Cyd. - I know. Crazy get-up, right? I came straight from work. You're a drag queen? No, I'm a mattress salesman. I'm lost. A few weeks ago, I lost a bet to a co-worker. I had to show up to work like this. I had my best sales day ever. So I started working in drag, and now I'm selling more mattresses than I ever imagined. - Your wife's okay with it? - You kidding? My salary is based on commission. I keep this up, we're gonna be sending our kids to private school and going to Hawaii for Christmas. Why would more people buy a mattress from you in drag than in normal clothing? No one trusts a mattress salesman. But they trust a drag queen? When I start talking about innerspring coils, my customers' eyes glaze over. But like this, I'm no longer a 6-foot-tall white guy turning on the pressure. Instead, I'm Layanna Desheets, fun-loving drag queen who's on their side. My wife named her. Well, Layanna, dressed like that, I wouldn't buy a mattress from you. 9 out of 10 times, it's a couple looking for a new mattress. Most guys defer to the wife or girlfriend, and in drag, I'm the girl's instant BFF. So, what's the problem? My boss is a blowhard. Yesterday, he tells me if I don't take off the costume, he's gonna fire me. This morning, he did. I want my job back, and I want to keep showing up as Layanna desheets. Okay. Let me review the relevant law. I'll try to set up a meeting with the blowhard. Thank you. All right. Well, hello, there. Love your shoes. Of course you do. And... Who was that? Old friend. Girlfriend? New client. Possible wrongful termination, though I'm not sure of the merits. Parker won't like it. Well, Parker is staying in Canada for a few extra days, so you don't have to worry about him. You don't sound too happy about that. He's visiting his son. I don't have a right to be unhappy. Is that it? He's staying with his ex. - Ah. - Yeah. Anyway, I have a soft spot for drag queens, so you need my help, I'm yours. Whoa! What are you do... shh. Have a seat. Yes! At least you did something right... And didn't toss these files. That's an inactive folder. What are you doing? Oh, and what do I call you, by the way? I mean, I'm Deb, but I go by your name, Jane. And you're Jane, and we would call you...? Brittney. Yeah, that's whose body I got. I got a freaking Brittney. And about what you were saying earlier, you know, how you think I stole your life. I want you to know I didn't choose this body. I mean, seriously, I would never choose this body. That's really rude. That... that came out wrong. I... I'm actually quite happy with who I am. And I really love your body. Good for you. But right now, I want to talk to you about a case which I need you to win. I'm sorry. What? When I was you... or should I say, "when I was me"? I was... I was handling the appeal of a death-row inmate... Matthew Thomas. He was convicted of killing a classmate... Tracy Rivlin. Now, pay attention, 'cause we don't have much time. Our client is innocent. He only confessed after a 32-hour interrogation because he was exhausted. Well, I'm sure there was evidence. He once dated the victim and ditched school the day she was murdered. He had no alibi, as his foster parents were out of town. Well, that's not enough to convict. Well, there was a jailhouse snitch who claimed Matthew told him details of the crime that were never released - by the cops. - Hmm. But when I took over the appeal, I discover the snitch is related to a detective who was on the case. You discovered that? Yes, it took me two minutes on Facebook. In exchange for his testimony, the snitch got 10 years off his own sentence... for rape. - Did you alert the judge? - Yes. He said the P.D. should have raised it at the trial. Look, Jane, this case has been bothering me since the day I died. The governor signed Matthew's death warrant. He will be executed in the next four days. Hey, Brittney, when you showed up at my place, you said that you were here to take back your life, so... Yes, I did, but now my priority is to finish my unfinished business. And since Brittney doesn't have a law degree, you're gonna have to help me. Oh, no, yeah. See, I have a full schedule. We're gonna head over to the state pen and meet your client. Heads up... he's gonna be very angry with you. You promised you'd help me, Jane, and then you disappeared. I'm really sorry, but to be honest... look, Matthew, right now, she is your only hope. Who are you? Uh, she is here doing community service for her sorority... bada... bada bing. Anyway, we really want to help you. You know, four years ago, you said you were going to exhume Tracy's body to test her shirt for DNA to prove that I am not the killer. Yes. You believe the killer's DNA may have transferred to the shirt. But Jane never showed up to the exhumation because she was shot on that very day. - You were shot? - Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm totally fine. I'm a little confused. Tracy Rivlin was buried in the shirt she was wearing when she was killed? Yes, Jane. Remember, Tracy is Jewish, and under Jewish law, the victim of a murder is buried in her clothing, over which... over which white shrouds are placed so all parts of the body are properly interred... law of Nahmanides. Oh. Oh. Mm-hmm. The crime lab never tested the shirt, but when you reviewed the photos of the victim, you noticed a few fibers embedded on a bite mark on her back. Suggesting that the attacker bit her, in which case there would be salivary DNA on that shirt. - Yes, that's right. - Uh-huh. Be honest with me... do you really think you can stop my execution? Of course she does. She's Jane Bingum. She doesn't lose. Tracy Rivlin's body was never exhumed. The shirt is still buried with her. II don't understand. Her mother gave permission. It was all set. But you never showed up, so Ms. Rivlin changed her mind. Well, I'm here now. So can we exhume the body? Time is of the essence. We'll need the mother's permission again. I'm sorry. Please excuse me. We need to get Ms. Rivlin to sign an exhumation consent. Okay, you need to talk to her. Her phone number is in the file. Oh, in the meantime, I want you to talk to the jailhouse snitch. Me? Yeah. He knows I'm the lawyer. He's not gonna talk to me, but he will not be able to resist a hottie. Are you calling me a hottie? Yeah. Do you have a problem with that? Actually, I... I don't. Okay. Anyway, we need to get him to trip up so that we can poke holes in the supposed confession. Okay, I'll just bring him a carton of cigarettes. No, no. He'll know you want something. Here. What are you doing? I'm showing you how to get him to talk. Okay. Now, you look him straight in the eye. He will look you straight in the boobs, but don't be alarmed. - I am alarmed. - No. Use your sex appeal. You know, I'm a big fan of the "flip-and-flatter," where you flip your hair like this and then you flatter him. He's a convicted rapist. We are just pretending. Oh, and wear dangly earrings, not as a fashion choice... ew... but as a weapon. See, it'll draw focus to the smooth curves of your neck. And then you smile. Just smile. Do you really think that that's gonna work? I think a good lawyer needs to use all of her assets. Ooh! Well, hello, there. You have good taste. Don't just look at it. Get in it, take it for a test-drive. Sir, how do you have this footage? I asked a manager to tape him. It's from last Tuesday. Ooh! Kinky. But this mattress is... it's high-resiliency foam. Okay. Unacceptable. I made that sale with all the extras. Unacceptable. That get-up in one of my showrooms... unacceptable. I reviewed your employee handbook. You don't have a dress code. I don't want my salesmen in dresses. And, as you know, firing him does not violate any state or federal anti-discrimination laws. However, if you promise not to wear women's clothing, you're welcome to come back to work immediately. We should discuss. I make three times my average commission when I'm in drag. That's three times the sales for you. You should appreciate that. My father started the company, and I've expanded from one store in Encino to 27 showrooms statewide. Don't tell me what I should appreciate. Unacceptable. Well, well. Who the heck are you? I'm... Brittney. Yeah. I saw you on TV at the Matthew Thomas trial. I've always wanted to meet you in person, and I finally got the courage. A groupie. Sweet. I love your shirt. It's very... Khaki. They come this way. So, you got some sort of fetish? I mean, whatever you're into, I'm sure I could accommodate. The Matthew Thomas trial. I was obsessed. Oh. I watched court TV nonstop. You were so smooth. The jury hung on your every word. Of course, who could blame them? Yeah. The Attorney General said it was my testimony that got him put on death row. Can I ask you a question? Sweetheart, you can ask me anything you want. Jane, where were you this morning? Pro Bono. Death row. - Yes, I read the file. - Oh, good. I'll need you to pull all the old records. Teri? Oh! Um... do I know you? Sorry. I... I've been telling Brittney about my awesome assistant. Y... yes. It's like I... I've known you for years. Brittney's gonna help on my pro Bono. And she was assigned by... De um, an... anti-death-penalty group. Mm-hmm. Oh. Which one? Uh... Candy! There's an anti-death-penalty group called Candy? Candy. Citizens... Against... New... Death... Yo. Uh, hey, Brittney, how did it go at the prison? Oh, uh, the creep... he looked me straight in the boobs, and he answered every question. Yeah, see? The flip-and-flatter will never do you wrong. He claims that Matthew told him details of the murder while they were both in the South yard, which means that they... Teri, please verify whether or not our client and the snitch were ever in that yard at the same time. - I'm on it. - Thanks. I'm I'm sorry... I... for hugging Teri. I just... I forgot for a second. It happens. I once told my cousin sue that I loved her, and now she thinks you're a lesbian. Oh. Mm-hmm. Uh, did you reach Tracy's mother? Yeah. She is on her way here. - Um... - Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho. My little nephew! - He is so cute. - Mm. I used to babysit him all the time. How is he? At the family reunion, I caught him smoking pot in your aunt's bathroom. He said if I ratted him out, he would chop my head off with a machete. They grow up so fast. Excuse me. Ms. Bingum? Ms. Rivlin. Ms. Rivlin, thank you for coming. Four years ago, you convinced me to dig up my daughter's body, and then you didn't show up at the cemetery. Oh, let me explain. I almost did it because of you, and now you ask me to your office right before the execution? Well, there were extenuating circum... My baby is dead. You can go to hell! I'm so confused. Old Jane... I mean, Brittney... screwed up on a death-row case, and you get slapped? I know. I know, but you can hardly blame this woman. She had a right to be angry. I blame Brittney for putting you in the middle. Is she awful? I kind of admire her. I mean, she returned to earth, and the first thing she did is try to help someone who needs her. Mm. If I came back to life, the first thing I would do is grow bangs. But you can do that already. Eh, who's got the time? Anyway, I would like to meet this Brittney. Where is she now? Here you go. Coffee with cream, one white sugar, one brown sugar. You know, there's only one other person I've ever known who takes both kinds of sugar in her coffee. - Really? - Yeah. My boss, Jane. But that was a while ago. Now she drinks it black, unless she's hormonal. Then she gets green tea, like it or not. So, tell me about... Your boss. Is she good to you? Oh, yeah. She's great. And how are you, Teri, the last couple years? Any big changes in your life? You've grown out your hair. Seriously, have we met before? No, I... I saw a photo on your desk. It was a picture of you and your mom at the circus. Well, I... I assume it was your mom, and I assume it's the circus. There is a clown in the background. Anyway, um, you have a shorter Bob in that photo. That's... that's... that's all I'm saying. Good morning! It is a good morning. Your awesome assistant checked prison records. At the time of the alleged confession, our client was housed in cellblock "C." The snitch was housed in cellblock "B." Those two cellblocks were never in the South yard at the same time. So our client never talked to the snitch. He never heard a confession. Awesome news. Exactly. We should go to the Attorney General on this. Maybe he'll hear us out. Oh, Brittney, we only have one shot with the A.G., and this isn't enough evidence. I disagree. I disagree with you. Uh, ladies, we're still on the same side, though, right? Yeah. Of course we are. In fact, would you do us a favor and take the file into the conference room... and blow it up. I'm sorry. What? Yeah, it's slang for when you take a file and you make a war room out of it... um, evidence boards with photos and reports. You used to say that all the time. Oh. Yeah. Oh, no, I know. Yeah, cool. That's exactly what I want you to do. I've checked that file a million times. There is nothing new that you're gonna find. Well, I'm a fresh pair of eyes, and, as you know, I'm really smart. So whether you like it or not, we're blowing it up. Good news... Judge Sanderson is presiding. She hates big business and loves me. - Great. - Yeah. And it's a preliminary hearing. Basically, we just have to convince the judge to let us get to trial, all right? All rise! Oh. Be seated, except Mr. Kent. You sounded like you had something stuck in your throat. Would you like some water? I'm fine. Uh, just looking forward to, uh, seeing Judge Sanderson. Yes, well, she has a hangnail or gout or maybe I volunteered. I can't remember. May I approach? For that, you ask my permission? Given what happened, do you really think it's a good idea for you to be the judge here? If you have an issue with me, feel free to file an objection under CCCP, section 170.1. What exactly would you cite as your reason? You know. I do? That I kissed your fiancée on the day of your wedding. Yeah, that's right. That's pretty awful. I imagine you've been practicing your apology? I'm... sorry? Look, why don't you just recuse yourself? And miss a chance to see you at your best? No. Grayson, look, if you file that objection, I mean, that would be pretty embarrassing for you, wouldn't it? As far as I know, Jane hasn't told anybody about what happened, so why don't you back to your table, and let's begin. Yeah. Your Honor, in California, employers can terminate at will. This whole lawsuit is a joke. So far, I agree. Mr. Kent? Well, under the doctrine of promissory estoppel, my client can't be fired so easily. Promissory estoppel in a termination case? How do you figure? My client, Cyd Pinar, worked for six months at minimum wage prior to being allowed to earn commissions. Cyd would not have worked at minimum wage but for the promise of commissions, and no one in management ever told Cyd his commissions would be predicated - on how he chose to dress. - That's ridiculous. Look, I'm sorry, but there is no way that that would apply in a case like this. What the hell is that? Your Honor... it's a gorilla. Why is it in my courtroom? A salesperson at the Fresno Mattress Emporium wears this exact gorilla costume and hasn't been fired. We contend that the drag-queen costume should be treated no differently. While I question the merits of this case, you've made your point. There is enough here to go to trial, which will begin later today. That is all. Thanks for your help. No problem. It was fun. You didn't tell me Owen was the judge. Eh, last-minute change-up. What the hell happened at that wedding? First, Jane doesn't show. Then Owen passes out. Now they're not talking. Mnh-mnh. It's weird. You know something, don't you? I got to get back to the office and prep for trial. I could use your help. Knock-knock. A peace offering. Spring lilies are my favorite. I know. Let me ask you something. The bite mark on Tracy's back... was it ever compared to our client? Of course. The public defender tried to bring in an expert... but the national academy of science doesn't accept the validity of bite marks, despite what you see on "CSI." Oh. Hmm. Which is why the judge refused to admit the testimony. Okay, what's missing from this photo? I don't follow. Okay, look closely. Matthew had braces at the time of the attack. Exactly. So if the attacker bit Tracy so hard that fibers from the shirt were embedded in the wound, then we should see bruising from the braces along the edges of the teeth impressions... If Matthew was the one who bit her. There are none. Now we go to the A.G.? Now we go to the A.G. Ms. Bingum, you were handling this appeal four years ago, and you seemingly disappeared. I can only assume you were conceding your client's guilt. You would be assuming incorrectly. Come on. Stepping in at the last minute? Nice publicity stunt... get your name in the paper. But let's be real. She is real. She is very real. And who are you? I'm a concerned citizen. Look, whoever committed this heinous crime wasn't wearing braces, or we'd see the associated bruising in this photo. Our client was wearing braces at the time of the attack. Analysis of old evidence is not the same as new evidence, and therefore, your photo and your conclusions would be irrelevant. We done? We also have evidence that Scott Moore, the jailhouse snitch, and our client were never in the south yard at the same time. I spoke to Scott. That's where he said he heard our client's so-called confession, which obviously never happened. That was four years ago. And even if he were lying, the statute of limitations has expired on perjury. Not to mention, there's nothing you've told me today that would change a judge's mind. Well, we're not giving up. A man's life is at stake. The man was convicted of murder. He will be executed as scheduled. Hey. I've been trying to find a procedural way back in, and I've got nothing. Our only chance is to convince Ms. Rivlin to consent to an exhumation so we can test her shirt. Yeah, I agree, but the last time I asked didn't go real well. Well, I just got off the phone with her. She's meeting us downstairs. What? How did you convince her? I threatened her with an assault charge for slapping you. You threatened the mother of a homicide victim? Yes, and it worked. She's giving us five minutes. We have to talk fast. I heard about the bite marks. The prosecutor explained how they're not good evidence. No, that's true. But we know that this bite mark was from someone who clearly wasn't wearing braces. Matthew is guilty. He has to be guilty, or they wouldn't be executing him. Since 1973, 140 people in the United States have been cleared while on death row. Ms. Rivlin, we didn't know your daughter. We can only imagine your pain. If Matthew committed this crime, he will pay for it, but if he didn't what would your daughter want you to do here? Matthew had braces? Yes, he did. You really think he's innocent? I really think it's worth finding out. All right. Your client is late. He's supposed to take the stand. This is not good. Layanna Desheets in the house! Oh, God. Hey, no, no. You cannot take the stand like that. Why not? Everyone loves Layanna. You know what? I agree. Our only hope is that the jury doesn't see the costume as changing the business arrangement the owner implicitly made with Cyd. I don't know. Let me ask the questions. Besides, given the way Owen looks at you, I should probably take over, regardless. Are we ready, counselors? We are, Your Honor. We would like to call Cyd Pinar to the stand. Mr. Pinar, do you consider yourself a mattress expert? You bet. Ask me anything you want. I'm your man. Okay. What's the difference between coil count, coil structure, and coil size? Objection. Relevance. We are arguing promissory estoppel. We're trying to show that our client learned the business during his six months at minimum wage. Overruled. Answer the question. Coil count is an easy way to up-sell a mattress, but as long as you're above 390... You're fine. Coil structure... ask for the brand's lineup model to get the best bang for your buck. Now, coil size... and I do love talking about size... makes little overall difference, unless, of course, you're a size queen. Thank you. Mr. Pinar... Were you asked not to wear drag? Yes. Were you given warnings not to wear drag? Yes. Were you told that you would be terminated if you continued to wear drag? Yes. We rest, Your Honor. We also move to dismiss. I will consider the motion. We'll reconvene tomorrow. - Hey. - Hey. - Any word from the lab? - Yep. They confirmed that there was enough salivary DNA on the victim's shirt for testing. They are comparing it with Matthew's profile right now. That's great news. Yeah. So... I guess now we... we just wait. You really like working here, don't you? Yeah. Well, just like you did. I used to consider Harrison Parker my home, but all these people... my co-workers... weren't really my friends. - Mm. - Except Teri. She was like my own human shield. Well, except for that day you were shot. - Ugh. - Yeah. And Kim? She always thought she was so much better than me. - Right? - Mm-hmm. And Parker... he treated me fine, but I had to work harder than everybody else. I know. To be honest, I think he felt sorry for me. But you've earned the respect of all of them, Jane. And you've earned mine. Well. Wow. Does that mean you forgive me for stealing your life? Let's just say we're making progress. But I have to admit... I do like what you've done with my hair. - Oh, thank you. - Mm. You know, once a week, I use an apple-cider-vinegar rinse. Oh. And your clothes... they're fitted and... sexy. Thanks. Yeah, it's all about the right bra, comfortable spanx, good posture. You'll pick it up. Mm-hmm. Right. I never thought I cared about those things... clothes and hair. But now I realize, I just didn't think that I could actually make a difference. But you were fine the way you were. All I did was add a little bit of me to the mix, you know? How do you feel about your new body? When I take off my bra... nothing happens. My boobs, which are real, just stay in place. It's amazing. Oh, my God, I hate you just a little bit. I don't know how you work so close to him. Uh, what do you mean? I know that you're in love with him. As Deb or as Jane... I know that you're in love with him. No. I... I love Owen. And had I not kissed Grayson at my wedding, I would actually be married to Owen, and I would be extremely happy. Okay, all right. You don't have to convince me. No. But just because you love Owen doesn't mean you're still not in love with Grayson. When I was you, I refused to believe that life was messy. I refused to let my own life be messy. But, like it or not, it just is. Good news. Ladies, the lab just called. The DNA results are back, and they're not a match for Matthew. Oh. Whoo! That should be enough for a stay of execution. I am going to draft up a motion to vacate the conviction, based on our newly discovered evidence. I'll let the clerk know to expect it. The A.G. won't go away quietly. He's gonna fight the motion. Yeah, well, going up against the two of us, I almost feel sorry for him. How's it going? I don't think Owen's receptive to promissory estoppel. I'm looking for a way to defeat the motion. I need to show you something. Coil count is an easy way to up-sell a mattress... Someone videotaped Cyd's testimony? And posted it online. And from the angle of that camera, that someone was sitting behind the defense table. 100,000 hits? How's that possible? Three local news stations have linked it to their websites. Turns out the, uh, fired drag-queen mattress salesman makes a good story. Hmm. Wait. Go back. Did you see that? Look at Cyd's head. He's looking directly at the camera. Ooh. He knew he was being taped. It was my sales manager's idea. In fact, the bet I lost was to him, and when I kept doing more and more business in drag, he figured out a way to make the most of it. Today, almost 100 customers called demanding to buy a mattress from Layanna desheets. Wait. So you were never really fired, and your boss was in on it? Yes. You duped my firm, used the legal system for profit. You still get paid. That's not the point. Excuse me. There is a reporter on the line from the "Times" who wants to talk about the drag-queen case. Tell him I'll call him back. Oh, and if you ask me, Layanna wears too much eyeliner and not enough gloss. The "times" calling for you. Its looks like we're all big winners here! Thanks for the help. Cyd, in my interview, I'll let the reporter know you'll be making a generous contribution to a legal-aid charity. What are you talking about? You perpetrated a fraud on the court, used taxpayer dollars for personal gain. Yeah, and so did you. Not knowingly. But I'll take the hit and report you, if necessary. Seriously, dude? You're not gonna do that. If you want to report him, you have the full backing of the firm. Send me the address of the charity. And if you need a new mattress, you know where to find me. Your Honor, this emergency stay is a desperate attempt to stall the wheels of justice. I don't think Your Honor wouldn't have agreed to hear my motion if he thought I was stalling wheels. While the timing of the evidence is suspect, we're talking about a man's life. And the new DNA evidence is worth considering. We're not disputing the DNA, but it does not exonerate Mr. Thomas. I don't understand. What is happening? J... just hang tight. In fact, the crime-lab report simply places another person, in addition to Mr. Thomas, at the scene. - That is crazy! - Shh! Your Honor, that is crazy. So the prosecution's theory of the case is now that there was a second perpetrator? That's because the new evidence is only now coming to light. I tend to agree with the A.G. New evidence is not exculpatory. It's simply additive. With that in mind, the execution will take place as... Hold on, Your Lordship. Excuse me. Who are you? Oh, I'm just some hot Asian chick with really awesome tattoos, which I would love to show you sometime... maybe in chambers. But right now, I'm just vamping for another 10 seconds so that my boss can fully digest what I just handed her. Your Honor, I hold the lab results on the DNA from the crime scene. - We've been through all this. - I know. And, as you know, there was a jailhouse snitch who testified in trial that my client confessed to him. He had details of the crime he could have only gotten from your client. Well, there is another way. The reason the snitch knew the intimate details of the crime is because... is because the snitch is the real killer. - What she said. - That's outrageous. Yes, but absolutely true. After the private lab ran the DNA analysis against Matthew Thomas and didn't get a match, the lab sent the DNA sample to the FBI crime lab. And a DNA is a match to Scott Moore, the snitch. I'd like to see the report. Tracy Rivlin was murdered four years ago on June 2nd. At that time, the snitch... Scott Moore... was not in jail. Rather, he was living in Simi Valley, 20 minutes from where Tracy's body was found. On June 17th, Mr. Moore was arrested on an unrelated charge. Mr. Moore knew the intimate details of that murder not because my client ever spoke with him, but because he committed that crime. Young man, please stand. There is no doubt that you were wrongly convicted. I can only hope that you will spend your days looking ahead and not back. I order the immediate release of Matthew Thomas. - Thank you. - You're welcome. Oh. You know, you should really thank Brittney, too. She had more to do with this case than you'll ever know. Thank you. Hey. You okay? Go away. What's wrong? Parker. He's back? I haven't seen him. No. He was supposed to be back this afternoon. But he never showed. I didn't hear from him until just now. Well, what happened? Oh, nothing. He's just, um... staying in Toronto, and he'll keep his shares and his partnership, but wants me to take over as managing partner in the meantime. Well, what about you guys? And the baby? He didn't say anything about us. But I did get him to admit that he's getting back together with his ex, so, um... I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot. I... thought when... when he came back, he was gonna propose. When I found out I was pregnant, I was never gonna tell him he was the father. And then I did, and he said he wanted to be here for me and the baby. And... I fell for it. I'm sorry. I don't mean to dump all of this on you. I'm just... I'm just a hormonal mess. And my... my boobs hurt, and I pee like a thousand times a day and I can't sleep on my stomach anymore. Just ignore me. I kissed Jane in front of Owen. That's why they didn't get married. Holy crap. Why are you telling me this? I have no idea. Just wanted to distract you. Well, it worked. Oh, my God. Well, I guess that explains that big fiasco. You kissed Jane? Mm. You have feelings for Jane. I so did not see this coming. Yeah, well, that's because you're usually too self-involved to notice stuff like that. Oh, thank you. Hey, Kim, I'm here for you. Seriously, anything you need, you let me know. Thanks. And I'm not just saying that because now you're the boss of this place. Hi. Hi. Where are you going? I bought myself a one-way ticket to Paris. Paris? I never knew you wanted to go to Paris. You never noticed that picture? Honestly, I thought it just came with the frame. It did. As Jane, I always wanted to go, but I knew deep down inside that I never would. You know, I never took a single vacation day when I worked here. Yeah, don't be mad. I kind of cashed in those vacation days to help pay for my wedding. I'm sorry that it didn't work out. Oh, no, there's still time. So, before I go, do you have any advice for me? Oh... well, I would tell you to be yourself, but it's gonna take a while to figure out who that is. Oh, and what about a guardian angel? Did they give you one? I am on my third one. I haven't seen the guy in days. He's a total slacker. Yeah, mine showed up last night. She's kind of bossy. She? Ooh. She says I need to stay away from you. She says I need to live my life as Brittney, not as Jane. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds familiar. How do you feel about that? Well, I'm gonna miss me, but... I'll make the best of it... Just like you did. Oh, wait. The best advice I can give you... you have a second chance. Make the most of it. I plan to. Bye, Jane. Bye, Brittney. A month or a year passes by and people kept saying: you are in Guantanamo, Cuba, But I refused to believe them. No, they said, you can take it for granted, this is Guantanamo, Cuba. Even the books we were given were stamped "Guantanamo Library", but I still refused to believe it. There was no way to check: you are locked up in a cage, You see nothing but water: how can you be sure where you are? We weren't supposed to know anything, or do anything. Just sit quietly and not make any trouble. That's all. If you wish we could tell you why the Americans kept you there, what they wanted from you. Here is your secret file from Guantanamo, it's supposed to be declassified in 2033... This part is called - "Reasons for Transfer to Guantanamo" To provide information on the following: To provide information about Tadjik refugees in Afghanistan... The refugees? Yes, they asked about them. And to provide information about a school in Karachi... What could I tell them about it? They go to Pakistan themselves... These were the reasons why they decided to take you to Guantanamo, They wanted information on refugees in Tadjikistan... And a school in Karachi. That's absurd, 5 years for that! They could have asked then, on the spot... They could have just asked me while I was in Kandahar. I mean, if they would at least have had some serious questions, I'd understand... But the whole world knew about the Tadjik refugees, There were a hundred thousand of them. Maybe more... Interrogation, huh! I'm surprised that they didn't come up with anything more serious. I mean they could have at least asked you how a Soviet tank is constructed, But no they even wrote officially that they were interested in a madrasah. You must be angry with them? I mean I would be pissed off if I had to spend five years in prison for such bullshit. All for nothing! Take a look at this poor bastard. Five years in Guantanamo... To find out about some refugees in Tadjikistan. It's not just this detainee... There are revelations throughout Central Asia about what's happening there. An extremely interesting strategic region between China and Russia. This is the State Department's brain the empire of the 21st century. Bildt is already in correspondence with Karl Rove... This is the summary of the cables from Tadjikistan. The first cable that we have is a scene setter For some important person who visited Tadjikistan: Regardless of our efforts there is a limit to what Tajikistan can offer. That's to the United States. It produces very little, it is poor It's government has minimal capacity. The Tadjiks have some unrealistic ideas of what we can offer them: Mainly large infrastructure projects. Including questionable power plants Tunnels to Pakistan and bridges to nowhere. There is some truth to the quip that Tadjikistan's real contribution To our efforts in Afghanistan is to be stable and Allow unfettered overflight and transit to our forces Which the Tadjiks have done unfailingly. Ok, so we have another one which is also kind of fun. It's about how the United States is trying to make the local media more pro-American. And how do they want to do that? Here goes: In addition to overt public diplomacy Other complimentary efforts could be authorized, such as: Aggressive media campaign through the Russian Media As well as placements of articles in the major Russian Newspapers Read in central Asia Ensure that editors see the positive material from Russian media And pay them if necessary to re-print it. To re-print it? Yes, they will publish positive material about the United States In Gazeta. Ru, Echo Moskvy and Interfax And then they will pay the local editors In Tadjikistan, so they re-print those articles. Do they name some media which they wanted to pay for re-printing? It would be interesting to know who they regard as natural partners. Well, we'll have to look at that in the full documents. This is just a summary. So, are we going through the tunnel or around the tunnel? Through I think... It doesn't look like it's finished. I'm not sure this tunnel is finished. I'm not sure either but there there are people here... Hi! We are heading to Dushanbe, is this the way? No. - When will the tunnel be opened? - No idea - All the way back... - Maybe we should turn around. I wonder if we would have been able to go through anyway? Those guys were wearing masks Maybe the car would go through, but not us. Hi! Could you tell us how to get to the capital, to Dushanbe? Just go straight, and then take a left. At the foot of the mountain? Yes, as soon as the road ends, take a left up the mountain. Thank you! Good luck on your journey! We're on our way to the Asia-Plus news agency Here in Tadjikistan. That's our first destination. Here is the team: That's me, Johannes. This is Dmitri, the Russian journalist from the magazine That we have been working with. This is Alina, who is also a journalist. And Katya, a film-maker from Kazakhstan. And this is Theo who will be filming our journey. We have to be careful. Ok? Yes, I understand but... Hello, my name is Marat Mamadshoev. Who is responsible for being late? Not us! It's ok, I'm also always late. Everywhere media observe some red lines that can't be crossed. What are your red lines? Surely we have taboo as well. But if we were to talk too frankly about our taboo... What kind of taboo would that be? This interview is only one of the reasons why we are here. And thank you a lot for that. But there is another reason why we are here, that may interest you... It has to do with WikiLeaks. I worked with the Russian cables, Johannes worked with the Swedish material. There are also cables on Tadjikistan. We propose to give you free access to the secret cables. What you choose to publish, how you publish, if you publish in your newspaper Is entirely up to you. But we demand that you redact the names of those who need to be protected. Ok, we are interested. Ok, in that case there are a couple of terms that you will need to agree upon. They are written in a Memorandum of Understanding. But it's not a legally binding document. In short the terms are: that you may not give this material to anyone else, and you may not sell it. And if there are people in need of protection... We are not talking about some politicians, but about small people. Lets say a construction worker repaired a stove for A powerful figure, and found a hideout with gold. Then obviously the powerful figure is interesting, while the construction worker will just loose his head. In that case you need to redact the name of the construction worker. Obviously we cannot decide in what situation the name of a person is relevant... And in what situation it is not, only you can do that. We'd like you to sign the agreement today... But if you need more time, we'll go away. Let's rather postpone it for tomorrow... - Are you sure you can't make it today? - Same time... It is a rather short text. To be on the sure side, we'd rather get an approval from our superior first. Besides, he knows English better than all of us together. Perhaps you'll do it? - We have our way of doing things - Can't you do it now? I am afraid he is asleep we have 12 hours time difference. He is in Washington DC. Yes, he is in the US. If he were here, we'd do it right away! I think it is a pure formality. As comrade Suchov used to say, there is no need to rush to your own execution! Well, you are the top man. You know best! No, the top man sits in Washington DC... The Washington overlord of Asia Plus... Umet Babakhanov. You should fill out your name and the name of your newspaper here... M. Mamadshoev, here... We are in the office of one of the future partners And they are called 'Asia-Plus'. Is there a chance that within the coming half hour You can be online for Skype? You can see me now, correct? Yes, hello! First I will just give a very brief description As to how I think you should approach this material. The most important thing to do is to read all of it. If you go searching for particular things you will bring your prejudice to the material And you will only find what you already know. The other is to understand the situation in which these documents are made. They are made by US diplomats, political officers, economic officers at the US Embassy And they are reports on their own activities back to Washington. Of course I would love to be there myself but I have to live vicariously these days By sending these people around the world to engage in some form of remote adventure Let us search right away... You could at least have started with "Asia Plus", for the sake of decency! Marat searched for his own name, the first thing that he did. They describe me as an "independent journalist"... - He is called an independent journalist. - That is a big mistake! - Again, "Marat Mamadshoev". - Here it is written "Editor" now that is correct! So, there are too many references of my name. Search for "Asia-Plus". - So... - 3000 pages! Oh my God! That's work for the whole night! - Hello! - Hi, is that Marat? Speaking. Hi Marat! We wanted to make a check up. Has Asia-Plus published any of the material that you got? Yes, we've published a number of articles... But the problem is that there are many things in the cables that we cannot publish... Because we will be in trouble. For example there was a cable claiming that a man came to the US Embassy And said that he was planning a coup. We can't publish a thing like this, he would sue us! There are things that are very interesting for us, But I don't know if we can publish them. Why can't you publish that the man is preparing a coup? Well, I don't know. We have taken some advice and decided not to run the story. I began with some funny stuff I was obliged to edit the column 'letters of readers' But the problem was that there were absolutely not letters to edit But the column should be published twice a day So I was obliged to invent those letters myself And I just invented a lot of them. - Did you get some, any letters from readers? - Yeah, we've got some, I don't know... Maybe three, four or five in two months But they were all containing some criticism These letters you didn't publish? No, those letters... I wanted to publish at least those that were about Problems in the factual content of the newspaper Because I found it rather important to have some kind of self criticism. But our marketing department had no self criticism and they forbid me to publish it. So I invented letters about problems of veterans problems of pensioners Problems of no matter whom. So that's how I became a journalist. Now we are going to visit the magazine 'Expert Kazakhstan' Which is in the same holding company as my magazine And in the same building we have the news-wire 'KazTag'. Why are you here on this mission? Why have you come here, And why do you want to have these cables published? You could say that this is your moral obligation. Who is paying for your trip? You could say that you paid for it with your own money... You paid for it all... that's it... I for example, wanted to visit Iran to cover the massacres... During the elections in 2009 or 2010, just because I was interested. I paid for the trip with my own money, but nobody believed me! In order to pay for it, I bought vegetables and exported them to Kazakhstan. It helped me to pay for satisfying my main interest, my passion, my curiosity. I wanted to understand what was really happening there so I found a way to finance it. If you can show me your goal clearly, it will be easier to negotiate. Enough! Just sign the agreement! Share your own thoughts. Theoretically I understand what you say, But what's your personal view about the goals of WikiLeaks? Look... We have a position... The advantage of being a beholder. We observe things that amaze a Swedish or American reader: "Look, they killed this guy!" We are not amazed. We know that every war is cruel and unjust. And then, the western countries attack Libya or some other country and say: "You've got to have democracy, democracy!" Then they lay there and understand that, yes - yes, they need democracy. For sure! And Information is a weapon. You admitted that information is a tool. That WikiLeaks is a tool. If an unskilled person will use this tool You can use a shovel to dig. But you can also use it to behead. Same here: if an unskilled man will get access to this compromising data It will lead to anarchy! In your view, people are not ready to consume every sort of information So they should not be offered the full choice of it? - Right, this is my view. - But who is to... Who is the judge? I am the judge! This is not for WikiLeaks... but I for example, I'm against democracy. I don't believe in one man - one vote stuff. Look at me, I graduated from Law school, I worked, I served in the army, In the special forces. I was wounded. I completed my studies. I tried to improve myself. I learned languages... I've read Aristotle in the original Greek. I am sure that I am better and more worthy... Than a man who didn't try to improve himself. This is my view. Enough! I know what WikiLeaks is. I've formed my own opinion. It is an absurdist picture of all of us sitting here Because all are interested in other people's lives, instead of their own. That is why WikiLeaks came to exist. It's a totally useless thing. It just reminds us of how bad we all are... Paying attention to meaningless things... Such as what one diplomat told another diplomat... And it will change nothing in the world. We spoke about it yesterday - remember the book on Aristotle that I gave you Nothing has changed since the days of Aristotle and nothing ever will. From this point of view WikiLeaks is an ephemera, a one-day-event. Now the interest to WikiLeaks has already vanished because its not important. It's superficial. WikiLeaks is a superficial shell. Such things do not impact real changes of mankind of human existence, They don't promote real changes. The landscape is changed by inspirational things. For example, we invented a project: how to organize our country... This was an idea of Solzhenitsyn. If we launch it right, this project will inspire people, to change their surroundings But the WikiLeaks materials do not inspire people to change the world that they are living in Well, we are here, it means that somebody is inspired! Perhaps you're right. I don't want to offend you. So I'll put it this way: I'm not inspired! You travel, you are great guys. But you are wasting your time. You are wasting your life in vain! Nothing will come out of it. I'm trying to convince my friend to start collaborating with you because Yerdos is taking a more journalistic stance than me, he thinks that I'm a journalist by profession, that's why I know for sure... That collaborating with you will bring economic benefits. I'm not politically engaged but if we speak about money Circulation. Yes it can help our sales. I wanted to ask... Since we met last time, have you talked to anyone else? Because if "Expert" is going to participate - and as far as I understand we are leaning in That direction - we would like to talk about an approach where there Are not so many other partners. I know that KazTag is already in on it, but that's OK, since it's a news-wire. If "Expert" joins the project, would it be possible for us to have the material exclusively? Unfortunately we can't do that... Hi! Can't we pass, is the road closed? There are oil-workers on strike here. They have been on a hunger strike for a week According to this police officer, oil-workers are on strike here. Strange that no journalist told us of this before. - Are you on a hunger strike? - Yes, it's already the 13th day. - Are you filming me? - You don't want me to film? Don't film me... I'm telling you, I'm afraid People want to talk and discuss... but they are afraid... terrorized... Recently, almost everybody was nicked... The whole crowd was loaded up into a police van and beaten up Five men knifed themselves, two went to the hospital. Three refused to go to the hospital Now six persons plan to knife themselves. - Why do they knife themselves? - What else can they do? We've hunger striked Nobody came to us, neither the mayor, nor the authorities... We went to the mayor - no result. He is apparently also in cahoots... And the TV doesn't cover it? The TV? We asked them, but they say: the mayor forbade covering it. They come and film, but they only broadcast what the authorities say, They never broadcast our interviews. What do the journalists say? Do they apologize? What apologies? They say: we are ordinary guys, just like you. Our job is to film, and our bosses decide what should be aired. Massive unrest has struck Zjenauzen. In the central square while people were strolling and enjoying street theater, The festivities were suddenly smashed by a raging mob. Unfortunately there is no other way to describe these people. What the artists and local citizens gathering to celebrate the main government holiday... Had done to enrage the mob is beyond understanding. It needs to be noted that the police acted more than professionally. They attempted to defend the stage, but the rioters who were cheered on by their leaders... Outnumbered the law enforcers and crushed the fence. After they had vandalized the stage they continued on their rampage. They toppled the Christmas tree and the yurtas. Then the most awful thing occurred: the criminals started burning cars, Attacking public buildings, burning shops, private houses, cash machines. Instead of celebrating independence day, the citizens of Zjenauzen had to save Themselves from the merciless mob. I got fired because I wrote an article about the conditions of work that Swedish journalists have When they work in Israel and Palestine. And the journalists that I interviewed were very frank with me And they told me about the different Things that they couldn't report upon The things that they could The censorship that they experienced at their work place. When the material was published Two of the six journalists that I had interviewed They retracted their statements. So you think they sincerely thought that You misunderstood them Or took things out of the context? I think if somebody does an interview with you And then you're entirely open and frank about it And then after a while maybe you realise that This is going to be shown on television Your boss is going to see this, your mother is going to see this And you start understanding the consequences It is not just a conversation between you and your friends. But anyway I just thought about it because I think to an extent I made a very big mistake with that article. And the mistake that I did was that... I did a very typical journalistic work about journalists. And the standards for doing journalistic work about journalism Has to be a hundred times higher. Because they will immediately backfire And they will start criticizing what you do In a completely different way than if it's a regular person. Because a regular person does not have the power to say no. Here is a cable which is marked 'Secret/Noforn' And that means that not even allied states are allowed to read it And it's a meeting between the US ambassador And the Kyrgyz foreign minister. So here it goes: The ambassador and the Kyrgyz foreign minister Met at the Ambassador's residence mid afternoon. President Bakiyev, the dictator that was Just kicked out in the revolution a few months ago Told him that he was authorized To sign the agreements on the US military base But the agreement must be kept secret. The foreign minister said that He needed time to work with public opinion and the parliament Before he could roll out the new agreement publicly. He asked for our assistance in preparing the Kyrgyz public opinion Specifically by placing articles in the local Russian language press. I was fascinated about power. I wanted to get to the top floor of the palace. I served my government not President Bakiev. I wrote his speeches. And he read them. Because I can write beautifully, especially in Kyrgyz. The president read his speeches... But nobody believed what he said. I felt this all the time. I even had difficulties looking people in the eyes... Especially during the last months of his regime. I was on the 5th floor of the palace... When I saw all the bloodshed with my own eyes. They attacked from the square... I ran from the back of the palace It's a long story... But on the following morning a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Because I had found my liberty. The Kyrgyz society is different from it's neighbors, It's a vibrant society. Demonstrations and all of that... is far from negative. It's just the other side of the coin. It's a society heading somewhere, trying to achieve something. I think that the West has also gone through... A period of demonstrations and turmoil, right? I think that Kyrgyzstan, will soon... I want to accentuate it again - Will become a model for other countries of central Asia... Unless someone interferes. Do you believe this? I do! It's just that many have told us that this is temporary No, I believe in this. What is happening - The fact that Radio Liberty exists with its TV-project It doesn't exist in the other countries, not in Dushanbe, not in... That's true but... And that is not a merit to our staff. It is a merit to the whole Kyrgyz society. It is not a merit to the president. The society demands it the society wants it. In that case, are there in your opinion any questions... That you would not be able to publish? Anything at all? I mean is there any censorship or self-censorship on your station? You mean Radio Liberty? Yes We don't have any forbidden topics. We are absolutely free. But we have the statutes of Radio Liberty. And that is that we must abide by the ethical standards of international journalism. If you would want to We would be able to provide you with the archive on Kyrgyzstan. Would that interest you? Absolutely, that would be very interesting. And you would be able to use it? Absolutely, absolutely, Absolutely. Yes we can. Honestly speaking I didn't expect our interview to be about WikiLeaks. I thought that we, That I would tell you about freedom of speech in Kyrgyzstan. The agreement from the side of Radio Liberty... Will be arranged by my boss who is in Prague. Should we hurry up? We're on our way! Hello, Dmitri! Yes Well... our people have said that we can't sign the memorandum... Since we... we in principle don't... We can't get involved in any limitations... But listen, this memorandum, first of all it is not legally binding, It's a gentlemen's agreement. And secondly there is an important issue about your responsibility. And it says that if you do not fulfill the clauses the partnership is just canceled. In other words there are no liabilities. Well, yes... but its just that... Apparently we technically can't sign the memorandum. All of these materials will be published sooner or later anyway. Sure they will... But it's just a question of who is going to publish them. It's a question of time and... You see, there are most likely some sensitive issues... I mean, we are nonetheless... An American... Maybe that's why. Well, Radio Liberty is financed by the US State Department? By the Congress. Here is a cable about a meeting that the US ambassador has With the governor of Mazar-e-Sharif here in Northern Afghanistan. This is what the Governor says: He let loose with a litany of complaints About the Swedish presence in Afghanistan. He described the relationship to the Swedish military as cold Saying that the only times that the Swedish commanders visit Are when they first arrive in Mazar And when they pay their farewell calls. Nor did he spare criticism for the Swedish media Who he claimed never bothered to talk to politicians Or ordinary people during visits to the military base And thus only heard positive accounts of its work Instead of hearing the views of the local residents. Then the cable goes on about basically all other Afghani politicians Asking that Sweden leaves Afghanistan. It kind of leaves you thinking, why is Sweden here in that case? The right to vote I think is very appreciated. And the people want democracy. But it's difficult in a country with so poor education. And so little experience in democracy to obtain democracy. My colleagues and I are responsible for this section in Northern Afghanistan. And we have this special task to find synergies... Between the armed forces and humanitarian aid and to cooperate with the army. To find synergies with the army? What does that mean? Well, that's a good question. And we have tried to find an answer to it. Because this is what the government is telling us to do. But they are not really explaining what it means. But what do you think is the purpose of the U.S. military presence in Afghanistan? I don't want to speculate on that. But do you think that there is a risk that your task which might be good hearted and important... Is used to bribe the locals to support that which you don't want to talk about... To support a military presence, which might be about something completely different? I don't know... Let me give you a list of projects that we support... We also fund the Institute For War and Peace... Reporting. It was lucky that I noticed the mistake. Hello is the IWPR? My name is Johannes, I just got your telephone number from Anne Charlotte Malm at the Swedish Military Base here in Mazar-e-Sharif We are just heading off towards your office Together with Enayat, a local journalist who will help translate. Alright, see you soon. When I knew that there was an attack on the United Nations I was just driving to the UN compound, in my car And when I got there, there was hundreds of people at the UN And the police were not letting journalists in. But I got some information and I sent it to my office in Kabul. It was a really hard day for me Because everyone was calling me to help them. How does it work...? It was very good in terms of finding money. But in terms of humans who got killed it was a sorrow. I was very angry and it was sad. But in terms of the news it was for the first time That the UN in Afghanistan came under attack. There were journalists calling me from London From BBC, from CNN Asking 'hey we need to hire you for a day'. Even from Sweden, Aftonbladet. And then I was telling them I don't have time But they were paying very well when I was working for them So what do you do then? You tell them on the phone what's happening? Yeah on the telephone, I was writing on my laptop, And I was sending them emails. I earned more than ten to twelve thousand dollars. You mean per month? No, just in a couple of days How much! ? Ten, twelve thousand dollars! ? Yes, sending videos, selling videos, selling pictures, text. Only for two days when I worked with a Swedish guy I took three thousand dollars. Therefore Aftonbladet and everyone is very angry with me. Why are they angry with you? Because I am taking their money. No they are not angry at you. They are sometimes angry. - Frontline reporting - International justice - Women's rights, Good governance - Peace - Democracy - IWPR IWPR makes a difference The greatest guarantor of freedom is truth. We have been working with the WikiLeaks materials In different parts of the world, in different countries And we are looking for a media partner in Afghanistan. Somebody who would be interested in taking and Working with the WikiLeaks material here. If you think it is something that you can work with Then we would be willing to give it to you. There is no doubt that you are trusted to work on these stories But we have a problem. The problem is that we ourselves had a newspaper here It was a daily paper, with activities in the past years And there was a group of journalists that were working for it. But some people made a plot against them And one of their colleagues was sentenced to death. He is very afraid. I will sign for the information. But if you sign it, it means that you will be The person that gets the material. I will be the one. And then I will give the information to him. In that case you will be the one in control of the material. I will be the one, because I can speak English If you ever want to be in contact with me I will be available. He is very old. The weather is very hot. It is because I don't understand English... - He was a communist. - He is a joker... And he is very afraid that you are going to plot against him. No, I am making jokes! Let me make another joke... he was a member of KGB. He was a member of the CIA. OK, I will put a signature on another paper And I will put the name of my organization on it. It's called Otash. Fire. We are Fire. I was against the governor My brother was prosecuted because he was critical of the governor. I will do this, but I will give the information to him In order to help him to use it in his reporting. Please give the information to Enayat. Enayat, please sign it. Hi Julian this is Enayat I am an Afghan journalist Based in Northern Afghanistan. I just met Johannes this morning At a ceremony in the PRT ISAF base in Mazar. I didn't know that... However when I heard initially That having access to this information would help me As an Afghan journalist To disclose the faces of warlords The faces of those who have committed crimes The faces of those who have committed genocide. But later on when I knew that having these materials Could be dangerous Since Afghanistan is an insecure country And there is no guarantee for the life of a journalist. Therefore it made me a little bit impressed And it made me a little bit stressed. Therefore I don't know how to deal with this material But I know these materials are very important In order to help the journalists In order to enable them to do their stories Because all these documents are a proof. By having these documents they can do their stories. One of the most important things for journalists is that They are facing a lack of proof and information. I don't know, I'm still thinking of how to deal with this. Well, the country that you are in is somewhat unique As far as the US is concerned. We don't quite understand what the risk situation is in your country And how much pressure can be Meaningfully applied to you and other people. For example, if you immediately said: I have this material. And you said this publicly in many papers And that we're going to show what is really happening here. And I got this and I don't care What the US government thinks about this And they can go to hell. And you said 'and its just me that is doing this And no one else'. That would be a very strong motivation For them to crush you. Yes, as far as I know US forces are more than our army by numbers. It is clear that this is another US... In terms of having forces. And you know they have access to all information To every Afghan everywhere. I'm sure there is some information, there are some reports About what the US really wants. Do they want to continue this war In order to have its profits? I'm sure that if a group of journalists came together We would be able to handle it. But if it's only me I'm sure it's difficult for me. It's not an easy job. Here's a cable about the Turkmeni President and Jebediah Bush The son of President George Bush Senior. It's called 'Meeting with the President'. TX Oil directors, including Jebediah Bush The son of the 41st US President Met with the President of Turkmenistan. The purpose of the meeting was to explore possible Business opportunities in Turkmenistan's oil sector. They immediately recognised the emphasis of Form over substance in Turkmenistan. They were both surprised and impressed by the rapid Pace of construction in the capital. The oil directors worked to build a more personal Relationship with the Turkmen officials In the hope that it would lead to some of the proposed projects. The presidential meeting was featured on the front page of 'Neutral Turkmenistan' newspaper on the following morning. This is the main office of 'Neutral Turkmenistan'. The main office of the most important newspaper in the country. Which is founded personally by the President. Who sent you here? Who ah... Well, I know what visas are and all that... So I'm just curious who sent you here? We came by ourselves, I don't know... Did you come as tourists? Who invited you? We have a question that can only be resolved with the help of a local journalist. Well, you see, I'm not a journalist. I'm a Member of Parliament. Yes, but... No, no, no. I'm just explaining who I am. Since our President is... The publisher of our newspaper... He appointed me... Because... Well there is no because, he just appointed me. When you read about Turkmenistan, you know what they write. You know it, I know it: That Turkmenistan is a country where there is no freedom of expression whatsoever. That there is no criticism, only love and admiration. Is that so? You know what I respond to that? Do you think you are the first person to say such a thing? You know what I respond to that? I recall that American president... In those terrible years of the last century, Who spoke to his people and said: "Smile, god damn you!" Don't hang down your head. Just smile! But don't we search for truth in a diversity of opinions? Diversity of opinion? Look, I'm an experienced man and I'm trying to understand where the truth is... I can't. Do you understand? You read this - it seems right. You watch this - it also seems right. It seems as though all is confirmed by facts. But try and solve the puzzle. Well, that's it. I'm sorry but I have a... newspaper! Why is the president on all of your front pages? Is that by law? I don't even know how to answer well, you see... There is no demand of harsh criticism by journalists. So you have criticism of the system from the top? No, not the system-rather specific workers or organizations... That don't fulfill their quotas. So the journalist is an echo-chamber for the people? Obviously it doesn't sound good when you put it that way... but we have other tasks... Let me just show you some pictures of our nature. And you can judge for yourselves. The desert. Here it is still in spring, But it is starting to wane. Look at all this beauty. Where else can you see... Such amazing canyons. In the Soviet days I was younger, of course, All of this was much more interesting. I lived for journalism. Now I have settled down. I choose my topics I don't jump on everything. Now I'm a friend of nature. It interests me more. Well, you have to agree that it is more pleasant... Than digging around in... In... excuse me... some kind of shit... Trying to prove something to someone. Sorry for not being contactable for a while We've understood that quite a few people have Been engaged in our search and rescue mission. We've had the Swedish Ambassador in London And we had the Foreign Ministry in Sweden And Dimitry's editors... And the former Ambassador to Uzbekistan all engaged. I think we got them just... Oh, and Jan Helin as well... It was just at the fail safe point when we pulled them back. Twenty-four hours and there would have been a public stink. On the positive side we can give you some small good news We were actually deported from Turkmenistan. Excellent! Journalists! I think this, this for instance Should journalism be lucrative or not? Is an issue that is very interesting for us. But I'm not sure this is the right place to propose it... It's not an issue, it's just... These particular people we are working with, who the fuck are they? Why do they do anything? Why would they work with these cables Why would they not work with these cables? Many of them for money! Yes, then this needs to be said! They do this for the money! Everybody does things for money! Why are you judging that? Who said that I was judging that? You are judging it! No, no, no, you are judging that. This movie is judging that! I'm just saying that we need to be concerned That we are not going around places Saying that we are better than you Because I've had the situation and I've fucked off And you're still there. This is what I don't like. I don't like this approach. Where have you seen that? Well I've seen it when you go to people You knock on their doors Then suddenly you are WikiLeaks And then when they have a strong reaction you're like... A strong reaction? When they say they won't publish the cables? What are we going to do, force them? No, you have to call before... But why? Then you'd get a totally different opinion Then you would only get the response that they want to give As opposed to showing the audience what they will say But do you not think it is an interesting question To see if media around the world will do this And who will and who won't? Do you really not think that is an interesting question? Do I think that it is an interesting question? No... That they are too scared to publish US Government documents Is not an interesting question? No, even if they are scared there are many other criteria. What criteria is there other than fear? Interest, newsworthy-ness... No, no, no, you could write a script... Every news organization that has a website Has a website developer Who can just go, puff like that And they get free hits in Google. It is very, very profitable to publish cables Because you don't have to write cables. It is free stories! The point as far as I see it is that There are boundaries to free speech In the same way that there are boundaries to our thoughts And to our language And 'newspeak' is basically what we are dealing with And these boundaries, they look different in different countries But they always exist in either one way or another And that is called either censorship or conformism Or self censorship or whatever it may be. We have a unique opportunity to Actually just show where these boundaries are It doesn't necessarily mean that this boundary Is better than that boundary... Yes, or every boundary that there is... But people are usually unaware of where these boundaries are. The easiest way of getting hold of them is by asking a person And they will say 'well I cannot write about the king' Or 'I cannot write about sex' or whatever it may be. But most often they will lie. They will not tell you that there are any boundaries They will say 'we have no boundaries whatsoever'. And this is what you will get when you interview any journalist in the United Kingdom Or in Brazil, or in Sweden or wherever. So what we have here are the tools For actually catching these boundaries. If you push any organization, they will have boundaries Any organization! Yes! So what are they? All of them... What are they? Is this being filmed now? Are you filming now? He is filming now. Can we discuss things before we film? Well, I'll discuss things and you'll see its all very easy. It's not as suspicious as it sounds. With the Guardian you've got a paper that's been around for nearly two hundred Years. It is completely solid in its traditions. It's internationally engaged It's at the forefront of digital innovation. We're doing something that is almost unique in journalism There is no one else that looks like us. I'm very happy to talk, but... I just need to establish the... So you're talking to me for a film Which is documenting... We're documenting how we roll out... So this is... So essentially you're interviewing me... Yes. Something that surprised us The Guardian removed, redacted A substantial amount of US Government cables That we had provided the Guardian. For example in Uzbekistan, in Tashkent The US Government cable said that There was a connection between the Karimov family and the Mafia. But the Guardian version of the cable which was then given to us Protects the identity of the mob-boss. So, why did the Guardian do that? I don't remember the document itself so I can't... You can speak more generally than that I would guess... That... The libel courts of London Have been used extensively by... People from the former Soviet Block... To protect their reputation. There's quite a lot of case law built up around that. Some of these people are very rich And can spend millions on fighting cases. Also, In Kazakhstan there was a cable which said that ENI... An Italian energy company operating in Kazakhstan According to many sources connected to the US embassy was corrupt. So this is not an allegation against an individual Rather an allegation against a company. In Great Britain, what is the situation? The law in Great Britain is that a company can sue. And two or three years ago We were sued by a very large company. Was that Texaco? Tesco. And that was a classic case where the burden of proof was on us And very rapidly we got to easily a million pounds In total costs trying to defend that. So yes, the law in Britain is that companies can sue. We have a partner in Bulgaria. They are extremely interested in a cable That came out about Bulgaria. Detailing some of the penetration of the Bulgarian state By Bulgarian Mafia. I have to go at about five past... That cable was some five thousand seven hundred words The Guardian redacted it down to some two thousand words. It removed all the names of alleged Mafia members And the names of all the companies. But one name remained, which was the name of a Russian Who was the subject of the Guardian story. There was an unfortunate side effect of this, which was that It made this Russian individual look like he Was the subject of the entire cable. From memory... We had a kind of rubric at the beginning of the series Where we tried to explain what we were doing. We tried to explain why we had redacted some... And again from memory... There are difficulties in publishing this For among them legal considerations. If your point is that we could have... Been more explicit in explaining Both why we were doing things... And the nature of the material we were cutting out That's probably a fair point. Were you approached by the British Government? Or US Government? Before November the 29th? We had... It was decided that The New York Times would approach the US Government proactively. Separately we had two sets of communication with the American Government One was via the Embassy in London Who come along to see what we would tell them Which was not very much because We already had the channel through the NY Times. The second channel was a phone call setup by the State Department But also involving other agencies. Their primary aim was to discover What documents we were going to use. If you take away the army entirely from a country Then wait for ten years Will there be a change in the country? If there is no change, then you might be able to say That the army is actually not a powerful institution. But we actually know that If you take away the entire national defense force And wait long enough The country will be run over by a neighbour. And we have this powerful institution Powerful enough to set agendas, to set values To provide examples of behaviour that is punished And behaviour that is approved. The institution that sets all perceptions of the world Other than the ones which you immediately encounter And perhaps those of your family and close friends. A tremendously powerful institution Now has competition through a different mechanism. So there must be change as a result. To suggest that there is not change as a result would be to say That these media institutions themselves Had no meaningful power previously. Good afternoon, you probably have seen either in person or on TV screens The State Department briefing that we just finished. I won't repeat everything I said at the start there but The most significant response to what has happened is Exactly what Secretary Clinton is doing in Astana, Kazakhstan as we speak. She is there working constructively on co-operation and security In a very important part of the world. Clearly the unauthorized release of these documents Represents risk to the United States and to others with whom we collaborate. This is why we condemn what WikiLeaks has done. From Kazakhstan through Russia, into here and through most of the geography in between. I'm going to interview you as much as you interview me. And we have followed the path of from the different countries where The Wikileaks material has been published. Only looking from the outside Without having any particular knowledge about it You get the impression that all these private US institutions Have acted from being pressured in one way or another By the US Government. In order to block flows of money... No, no that's not true! That is absolutely not true. In my time in government at no time did government tell any private company what to do There have been rumors and suggestions of that And to be honest there has been no evidence by those who have questioned this. Companies protect their own reputations It's not for the government to tell a company what it should and shouldn't do. They have taken actions because they they see it as in their interests to do this or that. But how would you look at it if the same thing were to happen to the New York Times? If the New York Times were all of a sudden stopped from getting funds... And they would have their offices closed down. - You're painting a hypothetical, but I can't follow it. You can paint a hypothetical where they are in the exact same position as for example WikiLeaks. The New York Times decides to publish everything that they get. No, I mean, there's a very sharp distinction here You have two actors who are in the business of communicating with a broader public. One actor made clear, the New York Times and other publications We are going to report on what we have we want to do it responsibly And we want to do it in a way that is respectful of The danger that this might cause to specific individuals. And the New York Times voluntarily withheld Certain documents and certain names because they recognised as we did That the publication of these documents The publication of these names would put real live human beings at risk. Whose street? Our street! Occupy Wall Street! Occupy Wall Street! The New York Post sent a very intrepid reporter down there to sleep overnight! You spent Thursday night in Zuccotti park? I did! - Live to tell about! What was it like? - It was a scary place I mean Zuccotti Park right now is it's own country. Listen, you're a tough Queens girl right? You grew up in Queens, you're not afraid of this stuff. You went down there. What surprised you the most about what was going on in Zuccotti Park? What surprised me the most about what's going on there is that it's totally lawless. Did you disguise yourself? Did you try to look like a protestor? Were you going undercover? You weren't advertising that you were with the Post, right? When I spoke to people I told them that I was a Post reporter so it was no secret. And how did they receive you? Well... some people didn't really like that I was a Post reporter to be honest. What's very disturbing to hear though you write from your article "The threat of rape is very real here for men and women". - How did you sleep that night? - I didn't! - Too cold? Or too many characters? - Too many characters I think... Candis Geovi from the Post, thank you very much. Hi! How are you? So like I said, once you start the interview close the doors and don't come out. It's General Assembly at the United Nations and we have important people coming through. The UN General Assembly opens this week So there's a lot of presidents and foreign ministers And some of them troop through here. Really? Is that customary? Yeah, it's pretty typical. When they're in town, some of them invite themselves and some of them we invite to Meet with the editorial writers and things. - And how does that usually work out? - They're usually pretty predictable Once in a while one of them makes news but it's good to just give them a chance To come over and air their views. - It kind of makes you into an Embassy - We're the Embassy of the New York Times... You may have discovered this yourself foreign news organizations don't always get The kind of access they would like to officials in Washington If you want to ask the military or the White House to respond to classified information... It can be difficult if you're a representative of a foreign news organization. I think that's a shame, but it's a reality So I think they felt we would be in a better position to Confront the administration with what we had And solicit some kind of reaction from them which turned out to be the case. And your counterpart, was that PJ Crowley, or some other people? The first couple of meetings I think they went over and had them in person And there were representatives of the State Department. I assume the intelligence agencies we there. I know that the CIA was represented. I don't remember if the military was there Because at that point it was mostly non-military matters. After the first couple of conversations they just had a daily phone call basically. There was none of this 'everybody gathered in a room'. They would say: 'We really think you should hold back this' 'Particular cable and here is why'. Then we would discuss it and decide whether to withhold it or not. In many of the countries where we have been traveling Talking to either editors or politicians there has been a concern that These materials can have a destabilizing effect. Did you consider the consequences of publishing them? We considered it yeah, and we talked about it a lot. Yemen is a good example of that because the State Departments argument was that These could be destabilizing But I kind of think it's not our job To decide what is destabilizing or to preserve the stability of countries elsewhere. Would you have acted differently had the material Been of such character that it would have potentially destabilized your country? It's hard for me to imagine what that would be... You had an example a few years ago With the warrantless wiretapping. Yes. Can you explain how you reasoned at that point in time When you didn't publish the material? When I didn't or when I did publish them? - When you didn't... - When I didn't publish them... The concern wasn't whether it would destabilize our government The concern was whether or not it would Be of significant value to people who want to attack us. Had it been your choice and if you were the sole owners of this material... You would not have published them? The whole thing? No. First of all because there are... in the documents that we posted We redacted many names of people who would have been put in danger. We have not studied all the documents To know how many more people might be endangered to post the whole thing I think would be irresponsible. Let's say you would have redacted the names Of those who would have been in danger And published it all on your site would that be indictable? Probably not... But we had decided how to handle the material regardless of the legal consequences Just on journalistic grounds... And we only wanted to publish... Do you need the room? You need me or the room? I was going to send you a 'hero' gram but then I heard you were in here man - That was fabulous! - Glad you liked it. Oh shit yes! It made the Drudge report, so I'm getting a lot of traffic! It's been a deep improvement on traffic this morning. It's not the kind of traffic you necessarily want Because a lot of people use the word scumbag. It's a technical term! We're talking about our favourite subject... WikiLeaks. This is Arthur Sultzberger, he is the publisher. I've just gone back to the writing life And my first op-ed column was published this morning It was a somewhat... half hearted defense of Obama against... Disenchanted liberals. And you know what the Drudge Report is? The Drudge report is a website a very conservative website That basically aggregates headlines from all over the place But with a kind of right wing commentary. It's got a huge following. So, if Matt Drudge, the guy who runs this website... Finds something that you've written and puts it on his homepage With a snarky comment it drives traffic amazingly. I mean driving traffic is nice, but the traffic that he drives Is mostly you know... 'you scum bag, you idiot'. But traffic is traffic. Here it says that in the year 2000 you sent your son to a school in Karachi. Yes, it was in Karachi. Does it say that he was ten years old? That's wrong, he was eight years old. And it says that you were on your way to visit your son in the spring of 2001... When you illegally crossed the border into Afghanistan And were captured by the Northern Alliance because you had no passport When they interrogated me in Guantanamo, they asked me how I crossed the border without a passport I told them that I didn't have a passport. But I had a beard. In 2001 a beard was like a passport in Afganistan. Then if you had a turban, that was your visa. Nobody asked for documents. No, seriously. That's what I told the interrogators. And that's the whole truth. Okay. What have we got for you today? We got ck total, glucose, lipoprotein panel, liver function, thyroid function... Rectal biopsy? How the hell am I supposed to do a rectal biopsy? Yeah, yeah. You know, hey, I'm not too happy about this either, you know. Come on, quiet. You know, usually I'd buy you dinner and a movie first, but... Yeah, yeah... Quiet. Hey, hold still, okay? It'll just be a minute, all right? Hey, hold still. Hold still! Come on, just relax. I can do this all day, big boy. Come on! Hey, calm down, we're done. Hey! Hey! Keep it quiet. Oh... Breach! I repeat, we have a breach! I don't know! It could be anywhere! Primeval New World 01x10 The Great Escape Original Air Date January 29, 2013 Well, increasing the rifle's air pressure improves accuracy and range, but it'll definitely kill anything without armor plating. There's no "one size fits all." At predator control, we had .509 caliber rifles for bears, dart pistols for smaller predators, syringe sticks... Concealing these are hard enough. Last thing we want to do is drive around town with a mobile arsenal. The hardware isn't the problem. It's the fact that we never know what we're dealing with before we roll out. Let's put up some new ones and go again. Or we could take a break. Maybe get some breakfast. Nah, let's go again. Evan... You've got a company to run as well as this team. Look, you can't do this alone. You need help. We're without Ange and Mac, and God knows where Toby is... I sent her home. Her hands were starting to fuse to the keyboard. I thought she lived here. She would if I let her. My point is we need a team. You and I aren't enough. We're fine. Besides, with a little bit more practice, you'll be almost as good as me. And you always change the topic when you're uncomfortable with the conversation. I do not. Animal behaviorist. And you can't keep putting yourself at risk because you're afraid of someone else getting hurt. Well, that's why I'm trying to perfect these rifles. A tranq rifle is useless without someone to carry it. What am I supposed to do? It's not like I can hold job interviews for this. "So, how do you feel about dinosaur attacks? Oh, and working weekends?" Not to mention... It's Detective Harlow. I'm guessing this isn't a social call, is it? Definitely not a social call. Remember that situation at Merison Oil? If by "situation" you mean the titanoboa, then, yes. Let's stick with "situation." And I think I may have another one on my hands. A possible incursion. Oh, good, it happens so often you've got a term for it. I'm at the parkade at 38th and Dogwood. We're on our way. Hey, do you have any idea what we're dealing with? Something big and pissed off. So? He says big and pissed off. Well, that really narrows it down. According to this, we haven't had an anomaly in the last 72 hours. Maybe it opened in a dead zone. Creature first. Anomaly second. I don't like waiting to find the anomaly. Then hire more help. What do you think you're doing? Oh, good morning, lieutenant. I just came in a little early to organize some of the old files. Is that a problem? No. No, of course not. Uh, sorry, um, Merriweather. It's just, these files are very sensitive. Well, I've been dividing them into alien abductions, strange creatures, vampires, and bat boy. Thank you. I know you've been by yourself for a little while, sir. I don't want to upset your routines. No, um... I'm sure our filing system needs to be organized, and now that we have the funding, things do need to change. And-and of course, it's a real pleasure to have you here. My own Yeoman Rand. Sorry, that's an obscure reference. You'll have to get more obscure than the original Star Trek to stump me, sir. Ow. Welcome aboard, Yeoman Merriweather. Carry on. Harlow. Dylan. Good to see you. Good to see you, too. Mr. Cross. Detective Harlow. You know, we do have to stop meeting like this. Hey, at least you knew who to call, right? Oh yeah. This had your name written all over it. You know, call me old fashioned, but I do miss the good old days when the only dinosaurs were in museums. Whew! Somebody's definitely living the high life, huh? I can't tell where claw marks end and bite marks begin. I don't suppose anybody saw it. One witness. The car's owner. Can we talk to him? You can try. Good luck. Can you tell us what happened? I'm just down here, taking a few hits before my shift, not bothering anyone. I mean, it's hardly even illegal. And you were attacked? Yeah. I'm just keeping to myself, doing my own thing. What attacked you? Something big. And it's all like... I'm like... What did it look like? Big and... Mean. It had a huge, like, a... Beak. It went that way. Thank you. So, did you get anything out of him? Enough to tell us you were right to call us in. Nothing. No anomaly. You check the parkade? I've got two men doing a floor-to-floor sweep from the bottom up. There's only one way in or out, and I've got a man at the gate checking vehicles. So whatever attacked the car could still be here. I'll clear everyone out. So now what? Now we find it, send it back home. Want to help? Not a chance. How the hell do I report this thing? Without using the phrase, "time-travel dinosaur?" I'm pretty sure you could convince him that he was attacked by a giant ostrich. I'll do what I can to bury this. Good, 'cause the longer we keep it off the books, the better. You be careful. If anything happens to her... We'll be careful. That's not what I said. Don't worry, Harlow. Evan's got my back. He better. Looks like we can scratch Detective Harlow off the recruitment list. You don't know until you ask. Oh, no. Looks like it found a way out. It could be anywhere by now. Come on, hurry! Hey, hey! What did you see? Looks like we've got a scavenger on our hands. Well, if it eats fast food instead of fast food employees, I'll take it. If it's a scavenger, though, why did it attack that dude in the parking lot? The inside of his car looked like a dumpster. It probably thought he was competition. We've seen that one before. We couldn't find an anomaly because there isn't one. That's the terror bird from the train yard. But he didn't go home with the others. Did you see that? Yeah, I saw. He's got stitches and a leg band. He's been in captivity. What would scare a terror bird? Mr. Cross. Ms. Weir. Stand down. We'll take it from here. Black truck and urban camo. I take it you guys work for Ken Leeds? Sure. Let's go with that. Sergeant, take it down. Whoa. Do you have any idea what you're dealing with? Titanis Walleri, commonly known as a terror bird. You need to let us handle this. On the contrary... Dammit! Corporal, you won't catch it that way. Hey, if you know who we are, then you know we've dealt with these things before. With all due respect, Mr. Cross, this isn't a lost kitten. Exactly why you need our help. I can't willfully and knowingly endanger the lives of civilians. Sergeant! We're never going to catch them. No, but we don't have to. I have a better plan. Leeds, open up! Shall I get that, sir? I'll handle it. Leeds! Open up! I thought we were on the same side. We are. Uh, Merriweather, would you go get us some coffees? Everyone seems a little agitated, sir. Ah, that is a good point. Better make it decaf. Don't make me pull rank. Welcome to Project Magnet. What kind of a game are you playing at here, Leeds? Uh, usually solitaire, some online poker. Sorry, that-that's not what you were asking. You kept the terror bird. You put an empty box through the anomaly and kept the bird? Yes, I did, and you're welcome. Project Magnet was on the bubble. My superiors needed concrete evidence to move forward. So, you stole a dinosaur to keep the lights on? And to provide you with the support you needed. To help you. Oh, thank you so much for that. That sounds a little bit like sarcasm, but again, you're welcome. You expect us to be grateful that you condemned an innocent creature to torture? Non-invasive research, I assure you. My ass. We saw the scars. It's cruelty. You saw it? It got free. It's already attacked one person. Yeah, and now there's a group of soldiers hunting for it. It's loose in the city? Why wasn't I informed? Don't ask us. It's your team, isn't it? Oh. Major Douglas. Of course. That bird had a tracking device on its ankle. I'm going to need that radio frequency. Of course. This is news to me, I assure you. Why should we believe you? Because I have never lied to you. I may have omitted certain pieces of information from time to time. You have no idea what damage you may have done. I made an informed decision based on my options, and I stand behind it. This is odd. Move. You can't upgrade my security clearance by punching in a few different characters. Can he? I wouldn't bet against it. We have a contact. I'm in. What? What the hell? False alarm, major. As you were, sir. We are right on top of the signal. There must be maintenance tunnels underneath here. Evacuate the rink and lock it down. We got it. Looks like it's at Thunderbird Arena. We've got to get to that rink. We? I wouldn't want your encounter with Major Douglas to sour our working relationship. Let's clear this up. You've done enough. We've got a single hostile hiding somewhere in this arena. Secure the entry points. My men will evacuate the rink. Assist them only from the exterior. Move! Yes, sir! Clear the place out. Eyes open. If you see anything, track it, but do not engage. Ladies and gentlemen! This is a government-authorized military training exercise! We need you to leave the building immediately! Everyone out! Now is not the time to walk! Let's go! Go! Clear the front of the building, please. This is a government-authorized military training mission. Gotta love the military's idea of covert. Yeah, so much for under the radar. If they're evacuating, it means that they haven't caught leggy yet. We need to get to him first. How are we going to get past all that? Through the Zamboni garage. You've snuck into arenas before. Well, there may have been beer involved. I need you to get off the ice, miss! We're evacuating the building. Let's go, guys. Come on. Miss! I need you to get off! Anyone in here? We're evacuating the building. Everyone report in. All clear. On my way out with the last of them, sir. Regroup at the north entrance. Copy that. We're good. How did you know that would work? Because I saw the look on your face when I suggested hiding in there. I never made a face. Don't take it personally. All men are trained at an early age that entering a ladies' room is bad. It's a learned behavior. Well, I prefer to think of it as polite. You do realize we just locked ourselves inside with a terror bird, right? On the plus side, they've already evacuated the building. Yeah, well... Don't jinx it. Turner, report. Lower level clear of civilians. The building is evacuated, major. Typical snafu, sir. They gave you a 2d tracking device for a 3d space. That means a top-to-bottom sweep. Non-lethal solutions only. Colonel Hall wants this bird alive. And where in the hell is Turner? He's not responding, sir. Corporal Turner, this is Major Douglas, please report in. Repeat, Corporal Turner, report in. Soldier, what's your 20? Do you copy? Over. Corporal Turner, report in. Corporal Turner. Watch your sixes in there. Just need to find the transmitter or the satbase. How is that going to help us catch leggy? I need to slow those soldiers down. This building has its own satellite uplink, which isn't hard to re-configure if you know the military GPS codes. And you know those how? Cross Photonics has a contract with the Air Force to update the Prowler jamming systems. Couldn't get the job done without the full specs. So this is kind of illegal, then. Now you're getting it. All right, we're both blind now, but it won't last long. Which is why I need your cell phone. Will I get it back? Of course. In one piece? I'll buy you a new one. Dammit, I got nothing. I'm a little busy, lieutenant. Major, it has come to my attention that a Project Magnet retrieval mission is apparently underway without my authorization. The authorization comes directly from Colonel Hall. I guess you're just out of the loop. Then perhaps you should fill me in. Why wasn't I notified of the situation? It's on a need-to-know basis, lieutenant. I guess you just didn't need to know. It's my name on the door, and I'm not about to take responsibility for something I had no control over. Don't get squeamish on me now, Leeds. You signed off on the budget, including the blacked-out lines. Two million dollars for pool maintenance? You knew the drill. As project director, I should be fully informed of all developments. Such as when a terror bird is on the loose. So I take it you've talked to Evan Cross... Where I get my intel is not the issue. Sir. Yeah, I'll allow that. But I hope you're prepared to tell the colonel why civilians continue to be granted access to a classified military facility. Call it strategic asset management. No, let's call it you working both sides of the street, and it's about to bite you in the ass. That kind of lax protocol may have worked for you in the past, but just between us, I recommend you consider your next move carefully. What are we going to do with leggy when we catch him? We'll find a way to put him back where he belongs. How? There's no anomaly. Not at the moment. You know better than anyone that there's almost no chance of an anomaly opening to the same time and place those birds came from... Unless you can open one. Have you been working on that? No. No, absolutely not. Look, even if it could be done..? No. No, definitely not. And I know you're not suggesting we just let the military take him back to some lab to be tortured. Of course not. Which doesn't leave us a lot of options. I know. Well, maybe instead of building a better tranq gun, we should have been making plans for when a dinosaur gets trapped here with no way home. I have been. Now, let's put your phone to use. I was able to punch through the interference, sir, but now I'm getting a double signal. You have got to be kidding me. Neither of them is moving, corporal. Which one do you suggest we follow? That's definitely the stronger signal, sir. There. The signal's coming from right up there. Let's move, soldiers. It's just like in kandahar. Except for the ice rink. And the dinosaur. Can the chatter. They went for it. The bird's still in the northeast corner. Yeah, he's dead. Then let's go. And just leave the body here? Let the military guys take care of it. What's going on with you? This. Another body. Because the more people know about these creatures, the more people will wind up dead, and I can't figure out how to stop it. This isn't your fault. You didn't send him in here. Which is exactly my point. Let them clean it up. You want to get to that bird first, let's stay on mission. Where's my dinosaur, sergeant? Interesting. According to this, we are standing at ground zero. Corporal, jump up there and tell me if there is a terror bird on that girder above me. Sir? Three dimensions, corporal. Perfect. It's Leeds. This is his fault. If leggy were at home, in his own time, he could eat whatever he wanted, and we'd just think of him as a dinosaur. No, because he's here with us, in the wrong place, that makes him a killer. All because Ken Leeds wanted a trophy to show his boss. That man we found, anyone else that gets hurt, that's on his hands. Poor bastard. There's only one signal. They found the decoy. We need to hurry. Any guesses? Someone who could rig this thing to mimic the tracking device, sir. Cross! I know you're in here with us! You are not leaving here with my dinosaur! Let's prove him wrong. Love to. I am tired of being outflanked by this civilian. Lieutenant Leeds. Perhaps you should tell us the specifics of your conversation with Evan Cross. Perhaps you should tell me why you're asking. You're not a major anymore, Leeds. You don't get to talk to me like that. Did you tell them where we are? Uh, no, sir, I did not. They informed me of a possible terror bird sighting, about which I knew nothing. That's everything? Oh, and I bought them coffee. Coffee? And I paid for it myself. I don't care about the coffee. So you're authorizing it? I can go ahead and submit the receipt? I can never tell if you're extremely stupid or extremely smart. Thank you. You can make a joke out of this if you like, Leeds, but if these people get in the line of fire, it's your responsibility. Next level. Still not moving. It better not be another goddamn cell phone. He's acclimating to people. The predator becomes a scavenger. It's like a bear rooting through garbage. I'm still getting a hit from in here. Hey... Look! He chewed it off. He could be anywhere. Sergeant, hold your position! I'm attacked! Sergeant! Hold your fire! The bird is our priority! Come on, major. Come on! Dammit! Oh, God... No. Not the taser. Not in that state. It's too cruel. Okay, tranqs it is. Dammit. You disobeyed a direct order, sergeant. You were injured, sir. Corporal Givens was dead... And we have a mission to complete. Sir... Never mind. I'll handle it myself. Sir... All right. You take the east flank, and I'll take the west. That tranq should have taken him down by now. He's running on pure adrenaline. He's dangerous like this. He's always dangerous. We'll have to lure him out and put a second dart in him. I have an idea. Cheese Puffs? Seriously? It's what those guys in the grow-op were feeding him. You really think that'll draw it out? The thing's barely mobile. Food is a powerful lure. Hard-wired. Hey, put your rifle down. Absolutely not. He recognizes it as danger. I recognize him as danger. We're only going to get one shot at this. Don't antagonize him. What if he does something unpredictable? Like kills us? Then you won't have to worry about target practice. How bad is it? The bullet's embedded in his leg. He's lost a lot of blood. I'm not sure what I can do for him. We haven't got much time until they find us. Three. How many darts do you have left? Why? It's over. We're completely surrounded. Even if I could save him, there's no way we would ever get him past those soldiers. I know. I've got two. It's not enough. Gotcha. Sergeant, the contact is at the Zamboni garage. On our way, major. Look at him. Look at what they've done to him. Petting zoo's closed. He's hurt. Let me do this. One way or the other, the colonel's getting that bird back. What are you going to do? Shoot me? Your call. No one's shooting anybody. Give it to me. Please. They're on the way. They'll be here any minute. Hey... Leeds, what are you doing? You two need to get out of here. Whose side are you on? Isn't it obvious? Look, I can buy you a couple of minutes till you get clear. Oh, and, um... Can you move my car? I don't want it to get towed. What's the game plan here? I couldn't tell you even if I knew. I'm already in a lot of trouble. Tranqing a fellow soldier is definitely against regulations. This doesn't make things right. I know. Now, go. Lieutenant, put the weapon down, please. What happened here, sir? I take full responsibility, sergeant. It was mortally wounded. And Major Douglas? I suspect he'll recover. Stand up, sir. Evan... What do you think he's up to? I don't know, but we're going to find out. Come on, Warlow. Come back to me. What little blood he has left, I need it. He'll die, and there's been too much dying. We made a deal, Sookie. I know we did, Bill, but Eric took our deal and fucked it in the ass. You're the god of all vampires. Deal with your vampire. Seriously? I'm gnawing at my own arm and you're gonna drop fang on me? Come on, Warlow. Drink. - Sookie. - Shh, I'm right here. Just-- just drink. You see that? He's looking better already. Should we go, Warlow? Does he really look like he's in any kind of shape to go save vampirekind with you? I couldn't give a shit what kind of shape he's in. - Ah! - How do I get out of here? God damn it, Bill. You don't have to do this. - I have no choice. - You do have a choice. Right now, Eric has more of Warlow's blood coursing through his veins than Warlow does. If you want his blood, take it from Eric and leave us the fuck alone. How about you tell me how I get outta here? No. Tell me how I get out or Sookie dies. - Sookie, use your light. - It won't work. It will! Ah! Ah! - Nicely done. - Thanks. 6x09 Life Matters ♪ When you came in the air went out ♪ ♪ And every shadow filled up with doubt ♪ ♪ I don't know who you think you are ♪ ♪ But before the night is through ♪ ♪ I want to do bad things with you ♪ ♪ I'm the kind to sit up in his room ♪ ♪ Heart sick and eyes filled up with blue ♪ ♪ I don't know what you've done to me ♪ ♪ But I know this much is true ♪ ♪ I want to do bad things with you ♪ 6x09 Life Matters ♪ Ow, ooh ♪ ♪ I want to do real bad things with you. ♪ Walk around. Mrs. Bellefleur. Thank you for agreeing to do this on such short notice. We wouldn't miss it for the world. Come, let me show you where you'll be sitting. Thank you. Are you feeling any better? Why, you got somewhere you need to be? Um, just the... funeral's starting. Yeah, right. Okay. When you came here last night with Bill, you were prepared to be mine, were you not? You know I was. Are you still? Warlow, I made you a promise. When I promise somebody something, I keep it. Always. I believe you. Good. Come here. What? You can't go to a funeral with that on your arm. - Let me heal you. - Oh. Ah. Thanks. You're welcome. Go. Are you sure you're okay? I'm perfect. Okay, sweet boy. Nice suit. - Thanks for coming, y'all. - Oh, honey. Good to see ya. - Hey, Arlene. - Hey. Is that the Stackhouse girl? The weirdo? Shh! - Monty? - Yes. I am so sorry about her. Don't even think about it. Miss Fortenberry, Miss Bodehouse. Hey, Sookie. Are those two seats taken? Oh, no. Please. Thanks. How's Hoyt doing, by the way? He's doing real good. He has a girlfriend and everything. Ugly as sin, but at least she ain't a redheaded bloodsucker. Uh-huh. Sookie. Well, don't you look handsome all dressed up. I guess it takes a funeral to tame the beast within. That seat next to you taken? Actually, I was saving it for Jason, but I haven't seen him yet. Oh, no worries. I understand. I'll, uh, see you after? You bet. Alcide. Thanks for coming. Of course. Now, he smells like a man. Yeah, he does. Who is he? Eric. Northman. Overlark. I'll be back in 10 minutes to make sure you've bled out. Gentlemen. You're all free to go. Come on. We're free, man! Go on. Go kill your captors. My maker is in that drawer. Did you drink the Tru Blood? Yes. What's happening to me? ! Sorry. Oh, God. Your maker's gonna die a horrible death, and it's up to you whether you want to watch it. But like I said, you're free to go. "But if any widow hath children or grandchildren, let them learn first to show piety towards their own family, and to requite their parents, for this is acceptable in the sight of God." There are those who say it goes God, country, family, in that order. Others would argue it should be God, family, country. Well, Terry and I got to talking once, and he told me that for him, it was family, family, family, and that he didn't expect it was ever gonna change. And believe it or not, even as a man of God, I was satisfied with his answer because I knew he meant it. Terry Bellefleur believed in family. And for him, everything-- everything flowed from that. Shut up. Was the vampire that did this to you tall and blond? Northman. You see where he went? Behind me. Please. will you kill me? In your time here, did you have any interactions with a redheaded vampire named Jessica Hamby? I did. Did you hurt her? Yes. Then I will be happy to kill you, you fucking cockroach. Hey, everyone. Y'all know me as Sheriff... but today I'm just Andy. Terry and I, we were cousins, but we grew up as brothers. Our grandmother instilled in both of us a sense of civic duty. She taught us we had a responsibility to the community we grew up in, that it was incumbent upon us as Bellefleurs to give back. For me, that meant staying here. For Terry... it meant something bigger. But when he came back-- and this is no big family secret I'm giving away here or anything-- that responsibility weighed on him. I remember him saying, "War is not a game." And I said, "I know that. I know." And he said, "No, you don't." And I knew it. I knew he was right. I- - I didn't know it the way he knew it. Then he disappeared to our childhood hangout... a place we called Fort Bellefleur. Terry! So, uh, I was hoping you'd talk to me today. Portia's worried about you. Grandma's worried about you. I'm worried about you. Listen, if you don't wanna talk, I'm gonna keep coming back here till you do. But if you don't wanna, you gotta let me know what kind of beer you want 'cause I'm just guessing, and buying two of everything's got the guys at the liquor store all pissed off. Raging Bitch IPA. What was that? Raging Bitch IPA. It's the only American beer the European soldiers could even stand to drink over there. Raging Bitch. I'll look into it. You might have to special order it. Well, what you've done for this country's special. You have no idea what I did for this country. Well, why don't you tell me? Just talk to me. What do you want, cuz? I want you to come back to us. - We all do. - I can't. There's nothing there for me now. Sure, there is. Remember Sally Winford? She got divorced. She got kids? Three of 'em. Two girls and a boy. - I can't be around kids. - Never mind Sally, then. How about if I got you a job? Good luck with that! Ah! Faster, you bitch! That's what you get! Faster, faster! Have you seen a tall, blond vampire? He let us go. What a wonderful gift. Any idea where he went? Oh, so many hallways, so many possibilities. You are going to tell me what you did with your rabbit. Did you hurt it? Did you touch it? Come out! You're free. Go forth and kill the humans. Jason Stackhouse. Looking good, my friend. They took 'em all away. What, Pam? Willa? Tara and Jess. All of 'em. Now, the last time I saw you, you were spouting some pretty hateful ideas. I know I was. How well do you know your way around this place? Pretty fucking well. - Yeah? - Yeah. Oh, and help me remember-- have I ever healed you before? I don't think so. Mm. Well, you are in for a treat. And when you dream of me... dream of nice things. Hey, what's up, MacGilvray, Johnson? High five, Tirone. Uh... I'm gonna be honest here. When Andy asked me to give Terry a chance in the kitchen, I wasn't so sure. But he turned out to be not only one of the best employees that I ever had-- I don't think he ever missed a day-- but, Terry, he was one of the best and most loyal friends that I ever had. Terry, it's me! I brought somebody to see ya. You remember Sam Merlotte? Talk to him. Tell him about the beer. Hey, Terry! If you can hear me, I own a bar. It's called Merlotte's. My distributor was able to find some of that beer you were telling your cousin about. Raging Bitch? Had some myself last night. It's really fucking good. I thought we'd all go fishing, knock back a few. I'll fish. The restaurant business-- what's that like? Well, it's a lot of work, but I like people, so-- I don't like work. Or people. He's-- he's kidding. Right, cuz? You're kidding? - Sam's offering you a job. - Bite! Hey, there you go, cuz. Lady Luck's with you. - Bite! - Whoa, whoa! - Whoa. - Look, look! - Whoo! - Yeah! Let me in there. You hooked him real good. Come here, you little bugger. Whoo-hoo! Throw it back. It's a catfish, cuz. What's the big deal? Every life matters. Throw it back. What if it don't work out? Well, hey, it will. I spilled my beer. We'll get you another one. I like you, Sam. I like you, too. Yeah. - Fuck off and die. - I'm already dead. Try again. - I'm your doctor. - You're my hostage. - What was it? You were not good enough... - Hello, vampires. Could I have a minute alone with the good doctor, please? - No! - Now. Hey. You forgot to ask me something. Excuse me? During our sessions, there was something you forgot to ask me. What-- what did I forget? You should've asked how you were going to die so you could've prepared yourself mentally. Hmm? Truth is, I don't really care. No? I'm gonna die a happy man. Oh. Would you like to know why that is? Hmm, sure. I'll bite. I fucked your progeny. Oh, oh. You did not just go there. That's gonna cost you, Doc. Ah! Now, is this true... what you're saying? Did you have sex with Pam? She said she used to be a whore. We made a deal. Sex in return for her release from solitary. Let's go. Wait, you're not going to kill me? No, I'm not. We're gonna go find Pam, and then she's gonna kill you. I believed she more than earned the right, you disgusting cretin. Let's go. I wasn't sure whether I was gonna come up here today or not, but-- me and Terry worked too long and too close for me not to. Is that a boy or a girl? Shh! Anyway, the first time I met Terry Bellefleur was his first day on the job. And I didn't know nothing about him other than he was this... battlefield-hardened US Marine who had some shit going on that I-- oh, excuse my language. Excuse me, y'all. Um, well, he had no experience working in the kitchen. And I didn't want nobody leaning on me like that, especially no soldier. Um... how y'all doing, fellas? Anyways, about an hour in... I looked in Terry's eyes and I saw something I didn't expect to see. Yo, what's going on with my fries? Terry? Terry? Marine? Oh. Oh, God. I want to be good at this job. Will you help me? Mostly I don't believe in all this stuff, but I saw it. I was looking straight into his soul. Is you okay? I just don't wanna fuck this up. Well, we good, then, 'cause Mama ain't gonna let that happen. - Okay? - I'm sorry about your fries. Oh, don't sweat it. That poor boy can wait. Now let me show you a little somethin' somethin'. Thank you, Lafayette. - Thank you so much. - Okay. Okay, now the deal with the Fryolater is you wanna make sure all the wet is off of the potato product so that shit don't come bubbling' back up on ya. Then you just drop it in the basket. And then just dip the shit. Like this? Well, I likes to put my whole body up in it, you know. So I like to just do a little dip like that. Yeah. Just a-- like that. Or you can sexy the dip. Or you can cha-cha the dip. There you go, there you go, there you go. White room's the next silo over. Stop! Just shut up! I know that scream. - Shut up! - Hold this. Hello, Ginger. Well... if it isn't my knight in shining armor. I would sit on that swing for hours on end, not swinging at all because I was too stubborn to let anyone teach me how. I remember my mama saying I was the same way with tying my shoes. Anyhow, when Cousin Terry came out of the house, he sat down on the swing next to me... and somehow he made my not knowing how not feel like such a shameful thing. And within 15 minutes, he had me swingin' higher and faster than any of my friends at school. That's my Terry story. Thank you, Portia. Would anyone else like to say a few words before I invite up Mrs. Bellefleur? Anybody? Mrs. Bellefleur? I can't go yet. I can't do this. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to say good-bye. I've got something I'd like to say. Oh. Were you listening in on me? Hi, um... I'm not real comfortable talking in front of people, but I loved Terry and I love Arlene, so... We're a small community here in Bon Temps, so I know pretty much every one of you has figured out by now that I'm a little different, but only a small handful of you know what that difference is. I'm... I'm a telepath, so I got a slightly different insight into that same night that Lafayette was talking about. Terry's first shift. I knew Terry a little on account of the Bellefleurs and the Stackhouses go way back. But when I heard he was coming to work at Merlotte's, I was pretty curious myself. And, Arlene, I never told you this back then, but when me and you and Terry were together at the pass-through with that one waitress whose name we refused to learn 'cause we couldn't believe that Sam had hired her... well, I was... listening in on Terry's thoughts that night. Hey, newbie, what's up with my chicken strips? My tips are for shit tonight. Arlene, don't stress out the Marine. Look, his name ain't Newbie and it ain't Marine, it's Terry, and y'all should cut him some slack. Terry the Marine. Mm, I like the sound of that. What do you say when we get off work, why don't you let me buy you a drink, Terry the Marine, so I can thank you for your service? Flirt, flirt, flirt. Lafayette, this one flirts more than you do, and that's saying something. I wasn't flirting with him. Do you feel like I was flirting with you, Terry the Marine? Terry, you ought to look out for this one. She will chew you up and spit you out. There's your chicken strips, Red. Thank you. Prettiest woman I ever saw. It'll make me write music again. You make coming out of the woods not so scary. What's her name? What? Um, Arlene. Her name's Arlene. He loved you... since the second you walked into his life. And not too many people can ever say that they were loved like that. But you can, Arlene. And I just... You deserve to know it. Thank you. Doesn't look like Jason's gonna show and I thought you might need a shoulder to cry on. What are you, a telepath? - Where is he? - I'm sure he's fine. Northman! Right now, Eric has more of Warlow's blood coursing through his veins than Warlow does. If you want his blood, take it from Eric and leave us the fuck alone. Fuck Northman. There is a white room where my friends are gonna meet the sun. You are gonna take me there. "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me." "Thou annointest my head with oil." "My cup runneth over." "Surely goodness..." "and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Scooch. It's my turn. Hey, come on. Let me in. Please? Please, y'all. I barely got a taste. Fucking gross. Let me in. Let me in. Save some blood for me. Ah! Ah! Please, y'all. I don't wanna die. Why? What did I do? Every time I've lost someone I've loved, - you've been there. - Ah! Northman, let him have my blood. No. He's a fucking turncoat. Whoo, whoo. Please! Die, fuckers! Please. I was weak, but I won't be in the future. You have no future. No! Ah! No! No! I love you... Jason Stackhouse! Ah! I saved the therapist for you. You take such good care of me. Mmm. It was at about, I don't know, 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning, and Terry and me, we used to always say that the reason we worked was on account of we always took turns freaking out. One day, it was his turn to be strong, the next day, it was mine. Well, let's just say that the night that Mikey was born was not my turn to be strong. I just didn't know how we were gonna pull it off. You know, what with two kids already so much older, and we were living in that small apartment and everything. And Terry, he just-- He was my rock. He hates me. He does not hate you, Arlene. Well, then he hates my milk or he hates my nipples or he hates something about me. Honey, you haven't slept. That's all this is. Once you have slept, you're gonna realize it. Do you think maybe he heard me? You know, in utero, he heard what I said about how he was gonna be evil? Babies aren't like us, Arlene. They only hear the good stuff. They filter out the bad 'cause they know they're loved and that's enough for them. You think? I don't think it. I know it. Let's clear your mind of it. - But I said-- - Arlene, clear it. Now, I want you to take a deep... cleansing breath. You feeling better? A little bit. Good. That's good. Let's do another one. How you doing now? I'm... I'm okay, yeah. Okay, now, very calmly... try to get him to feed again. Okay. There we go. There you go. He did it. Of course he did. Oh. Terry, look at him. I wanna tell you something, Arlene. I love this family. I love it so much. We love you, too. Oh, thank you... whoever you are with the gift of light. I never thought I'd see the day. ♪ The hills are alive ♪ ♪ With the sound of music... ♪ I'm coming for you, sun! Have we killed everyone who needs to be killed? All except one. Don't leave me alone. Come on. Shh. Sarah, you ain't gonna get away! Too fucking slow and too fucking evil! Ah! I just want to say thank you to everybody who spoke today. With your words, you honor this man who honored this great country of ours. And now the US Marines are here to offer - a final tribute. - Excuse me. Big John got something he wants to say. Oh, change of plans. Before we go to the Marines, we're gonna hear from Big John Dixon. - Thank you. - There are a lot more Negroes here - than I thought there would be. - Shh! Who's Big John Dixon? He worked with Terry. Now, quiet! I'm just saying he's not in the program. - Shh! - Shh! Would you please shut up? I loved Terry Bellefleur a lot. And I'm not that good with words, so I'm gonna sing a song for him. Mm, sing it, Big John. It's something my grandma used to sing to me when I was little. It's called "Life Matters." ♪ Far away in another life ♪ ♪ I walked my land ♪ ♪ Proud and free ♪ ♪ Far away from my other life... ♪ Jason. Please, this is God's work I am doing, and if you kill me, He will punish you. How dare you speak for God. ♪ Far away home ♪ - ♪ Far away in those distant lands... ♪ - You're not a killer, Jason. Don't do this. Oh, it's not me doing it, honey pie. - It's Jesus. - It is nói Jesus. And why not? If you can talk to God, then why can't I talk to Jesus? ♪ There the hunt leaves no blood on my hands ♪ ♪ There I would roam ♪ ♪ My faraway home.. ♪ Oh, God. See, Jesus says to me you deserve to die. He says to go fuck yourself for daring to speak to his father. - Oh, God. - Oh. What's that, Big J? Uh-huh, yeah, I'll tell her. He says to tell you you're an average fucking lay. Oh, God. What will become of your soul, Jason? - ♪ But they don't know the pain in me... ♪ - I don't know. But at least I got one. ♪ 'Cause they can't know what I can see... ♪ ♪ I'm surrounded by a misery ♪ ♪ I'd like to be...♪ I don't want any more blood on my hands. Not even yours. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, God, Jason. You're doing the right thing. Don't make me change my mind! ♪ I'd like to be ♪ ♪ Far away home. ♪ Yes, sir. Amen. Amen. I really don't see what was the point of that. Hey. - Oh, thank you, Big John. - You're welcome. That was the shit. - Tru Blood! - Yeah! Yeah, fuck this shit! Come. Your time on Earth is over. I'm not going anywhere. Jessica. Jessica. Jessica. - Where are you going? - We left Bill behind. No! No! No! No! Eric, no! Come. Leave me alone. I did what she wanted me to do. Who's he talking to? I don't know. I can barely feel his pull anymore. Bill! Bill! Come on. Bill? Stay away from me. Me? You should go to him. It's me, Bill. I'm here. It's okay. They're coming for me. Lilith sent them. They're getting closer. Now what do I do? Feed him. Vampire blood doesn't heal vampires. It just did. Whatever's in his blood, it saved us. Maybe we can give some back to him. Help him, please. Drink. Drink! Please, Bill. Come on. Detail, atten-huh. Right face. Forward march. Detail, halt. Ready, face. Arms, huh! Ready, aim, fire! Aim, fire! Aim, fire! Flag. Present, huh! Honor, huh! Cut. On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Marine Corps, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service. Thank you. Didn't love the gunfire, but how come it doesn't feel like the lie I thought it would? Not nearly as empty and meaningless as I feared. I actually think Terry would've been okay with this. Good. What? I'll tell you later. Oh! Thank you, mister. - Yeah! - Come on, y'all. Let's take this party back to our place. Whoo! And I'll feed y'all! Mm, darling. You feed only me. No. Don't you dare leave me. [ ♪ Why Did You Leave Me Now ♪ by Liz Rodrigues ] ♪ Where did the time go ♪ ♪ When we were young? ♪ ♪ Laughing, dancing, soaking up the sun ♪ ♪ Never thinking what was to come ♪ ♪ It never crossed our minds ♪ ♪ Oh, we were so much in love ♪ ♪ We never thought of things to come ♪ ♪ Why did you leave me now ♪ ♪ Just when they said you're fine? ♪ ♪ Why did you leave me now ♪ ♪ Just when they said you're fine? ♪ ♪ Why did you leave me now? ♪ ♪ Why did you die? ♪ ♪ Why... ♪ Development on the rubbish. Has it finally been collected? No. Sort of the opposite. I think people are now leaving their own rubbish on top of our rubbish. Or to put it another way, we've set up a free tip. Still, let's not dwell on that. We can just dwell very near to it. I have decided to make a treat of dinner for us all... no effort or expense spared. I mean, the butcher still refuses to serve us meat so when you boil it down it's basically mole and gravy. I don't mind it. And I've invited a guest over. Who? Miss Trimble. Not Miss Trimble the leper? She doesn't have leprosy. You are talking about Miss Trimble the leper. Can you not call her that? Can we establish which Miss Trimble is coming? Miss Trimble the leper, but... George! No! She doesn't literally have leprosy, does she? Yes, she does, George. She's called Miss Trimble "the leper". That's just what people call her, Bert, because she keeps herself to herself and I think she used to be a bit spotty. George, it's really obvious what's happened here. You've read about lepers in the Bible, and you've found out there's a real leper in the village, you've got excited... Not even going to let you finish. That is what's happened. She's really nice. Give her a chance. You think everyone's nice. No, I don't. Tell me one person who you don't think is nice. Herod. Herod? I just don't want us to not have any friends. Fine! Yes! I want proper, respectable friends. Not lepers, sissies, and Bert. Well that's the league you're in now, Sonny Boy. Tonight's going to be grand. She's a lovely person, she can talk the hind legs off a donkey, she's single... Bert? That's so not how it works, George. How does it work then? Oh, no, that is pretty much how it works, to be honest. Quite excited about meeting her now. De-dum, de-dum, de-dum, de-dum. I was sure I had a few vegetables left that hadn't been vandalised. Vandalised. You can't vandalise food, George. Shit-head. Or should I say you can... Your cooking! I was hoping to serve my mole in a nest of local leaves, but... I mean, look at it. Please - condemn me, stone me, but leave my kitchen garden out of it. This would be a perfect time to cancel the whole dinner. I'm not cancelling the dinner. Oh, come to your senses, George. We cannot go running cap-in-hand to the village leper. That's death. Is it? Social death. Right, well. That's a considerable climb-down. Might be death. Depends how many of her boils we breathe in. Bert, I promise you she's disease-free. It's just vicious tittle-tattle. Does that set your mind at rest? Well, sort of, George, but she's still a weirdo nobody likes. Better if she had leprosy, at least it wouldn't be just her personality that makes everyone avoid her. Don't say that. Trimble had good words for you, Cecil. And even for you, Bert. What do you mean "even"? Do you mean especially? At least make sure we've exhausted all alternatives. Fine. What are the alternatives? Miss Atkinson? Hates us. Genuinely. Hates us. Elsie Hargreaves. Seriously? Shall we invite the Princess of Wales while we're at it? I could imagine Gladys having a sister who lives in the village. Maybe invite her, if she exists? I bet Gladys's sister'd be quite up for it, actually. Probably have quite a sort of "no holds barred" sort of attitude. Before we resort to the realm of people who may or may not exist, shall we stick to Miss Trimble who is at least real? God. Maybe. If nothing else I'll be able to get some ammo on her for when the lads get back. Get back from where? That should just about do it. What's "Porc Velours"? That's French. You know how I like to add a certain poise to proceedings. What does it mean? "Velvet pig". What's... The mole. Here we go then. The last supper... of our lives as self-respecting individuals. Cecil, please be civil. I ask for very little in this world. Wedding with a woman who's life you're destroying, end of World War. Well, from my end, I really can't wait to see her now. The freak show thing is a really good idea, George. I am surprised she's not here yet. Legs probably fell off. I'll pretend I didn't hear that. She'll be here any minute. She's probably just... Re-attaching her ears. Cecil. Ooh! Who wants to see my bruise? Crossword first, then the bruise? Yeah, save the bruise. We'll look at the bruise if she's not here in 20 minutes. It will have faded by then. Is she standing us up? Is that what's happening? That's a shame. I was looking forward to seeing it. I'm sorry, George. You put in so much effort. I did really, but... I won't have this. I will not have it. Cecil Mowbray does not get stood up by a leper. George? Maybe. Bert? Probably, yes. Ain't that the truth. But this is a Mowbray. Four generations of pipes run under this village, each with a great big M on them, and do you know what that M stands for? Man-fish. Merman! Mowbray. Obviously. Yeah, Mowbray. Sorry, I'm going round there. She's been completely out of order. Oh, just leave it, Cecil. I mean, who the hell does she think she is? She should be begging to come to an event like this. She should be begging. I'm going to join you, Cec. Desperate to get a glimpse. Oh, Winky, would you like to come? No thanks, George, we're not being seen together in public, remember? I thought you were relaxing that rule. No, George, tightening. Oh, sorry. No problem. I'm sorry. I couldn't find your house. I drew you a map. Yeah, I couldn't read your writing. The map only had pictures on it. I thought it was writing. People don't write in pictures. The Chinese do. You know I'm not Chinese. All right, let me, George. Now look, we know you've had an illness. What illness? Your leprosy. Oh right, yeah. So, have you got leprosy? Because we thought that was just a rumour. Well. I mean, it comes and it goes to a certain extent. I'm just really sorry it meant I couldn't come to your party. It wouldn't normally matter, but George did prepare a mole. You mean a meal? I mean both. Well, it's my loss. So shall we just leave it there? Because we've all got things to do. Sorry, are you brushing us off? No. You don't brush us off, we brush you off. Right, just for that, you are coming to dinner. I didn't want to. Some honesty at last. And why not? Because your name is mud in this village, all right? I can't afford to compromise my reputation by being seen with you. Your reputation? Sorry. You are a woman who is rumoured, and bear in mind I am simply reporting a fact here, and I think the accusation is incredibly unfair, a woman who is rumoured to have been impregnated by her own son. Yeah, and I've got webbed-feet and a tail as well. And you think you're too good for us? I don't want to start putting it in those terms. No, let's put it in those terms. You're obviously England's prize... partridge. I'm not leaving here until we get a yes! Shh. Keep your voice down. Fine, I'll come to dinner. Not tonight. You've drawn enough attention to me as it is. I'll come tomorrow. Yes! Yes! The leper's coming over! The leper's coming over! We're back in the game! "Upon arrival, greet your guests warmly but not cloyingly. "An excessively enthusiastic reception will be off-putting "and result in an undesirable change of atmosphere." What's the book, Cecil? Brannigans Etiquette Reader. I was raised on this. Full of classics. "If a guest engages you in conversation, "reply audibly and intelligibly, "and in the language in which you were addressed." Absolutely copper-bottomed. I bet this is why I'm having to have this bath. Some rule written down in that book. It's not Bert. Why am I having it then? Some things are deeper than words. When was the last time you washed, Bert? It depends. What's the weather been like recently? Rain doesn't count as washing, Bert. Have you scrubbed? Yes. Have you? I don't need to. You do need to, Bert, just... I'll scrub my skin off. You won't scrub your skin off. The flannel only removes the dirt, not the skin. How could that be? I promise you. I wash my face with it every day, Bert. Too far, George. "Every day", indeed. I still don't understand why I'm even having this bath. Washing for a leper? It's like wearing cologne to a zoo, eh, Cecil? I actually find that extremely offensive, Bert. It's shameful the way that Miss Valery Trimble has been ostracised by this village. Now hold on, Cecil... Yes, I know I made some comments yesterday, George, which perhaps you didn't really take in the correct spirit, but I've always quietly thought we should know her. And loudly said, "we shouldn't". All right, George. I've slept on it and now I have a new opinion. Trimble's the first rung on the ladder. Get her on board, then move on to the really big players. Your Irish woman. Your girl with the snake. Soon, we're dining with the simpleton who's brother's wife's sister is under-secretary of the Morris Dancers. We could be right back on the map here. Oh, God, please let tonight be a success. I've got the fear now, George. It's all right, Cecil. I can't do this. We haven't got any of the right stuff. I'm worried now. I'm not on song. I need to be on song. Cecil, calm down. I'm serious, George. I've lost my swagger. I feel ugly and fat. All right, Cecil. Deep breaths now. It's going to be all right. It's just pre-match nerves. It's going to be fine. You're right, you're right, the host is like a general, calamities reveal his genius. She wouldn't stand us up again, would she? This fucking leper's really starting to get on my tits. You said you were coming over! I mean, does language not mean anything any more? Should we all just start talking gobbledegook? Oh, hello, maggy beggy lig bog. Buggy fong mig-wag. Is this about the meal? What Cecil is asking is why did you say last night that you would be there if you had no intention? I was trying to get rid of you. I didn't think you'd suffer the shame of coming again. Shame is pretty much meat and wine to us, young lady, so you've underestimated us there. Oh, no, look, your hand's fallen off. Breached! We're in! Checkmate. Cecil! Oh, shit. Right. Bring her to dinner. What? Grab her and bring her to our dinner. If she won't come willingly, we're going to have to... We're not kidnapping Miss Trimble. Always there to pour piss on the party. One decent blow to the noggin should do it. Bert? One step ahead of you there, Cecil. Always wanted to do this. Tap the head, time for bed. Ow! Ooh, sorry. That hurt! Yeah, sorry, just bear with me. Um, Cecil, what's happened? Why has she not gone unconscious? You have to hit her much harder. Much harder. All right, I think the problem is that when I do that... Ow! Sorry. Bert, you need to hit her so hard on the head that she blacks out. I'm literally just knocking her out with the bottle now. That's the general idea, old chum. All right. I'm going to. Ow. Sorry. You never told me I'd have to do it this hard. Well you do, Bert. This is real now. Do you want to be a man or not? Because this is the price. All right, Cecil, don't shout. "Lord, give your daughter strength to endure these..." Shut up, George. I can't. I can't do it. I'm sorry, Cecil. Come on, Bert. You can do it. Stop saying that! You can though. Stop saying that I can when I can't. Can you all just be quiet? Bert, do it now. Just one big hit and it'll all be over. I've let you both down. Just leave me here. You want her to come to the cottage, don't you? You want us to take her home? Everything's going wrong. Pull yourself together, Bert. Take this bottle away from me. Pull yourself together, man. I'll come to the dinner. I'll come to the dinner. I'll come to the dinner. I'll COME TO THE DINNER! Thank you. I promise you're going to have the time of your life. Amen. Back in the bad old days, the villagers used my garden as a tip. Would you mind not calling them the bad old days? That's our current life you're referring to, the bad present days. Have you thought about how you're going to get rid of it? That's the sort of thought process I can look forward to now, another classic, to put alongside "How do I feed three men on a penny a day?" and "How do I get my fiancee to make eye contact with me?" My advice is to act quickly, before the... well, there's no way of sugaring this pill - before the swarms of rats arrive. All right, let's knock that exchange on the head now. We don't want that image hanging over us. We're now in the main body of the dinner party, so welcome. Please take a seat. - Hello Valery. Oh, Winky. Did they kidnap you as well? Yes, they did. Not really, Winky. She's my fiancee. Poor you. I take each day as it comes. George should be coming round now with the starters. Meanwhile please focus on me for the beginning of the badinage. Now then. Did any funny stories happen during my excursion with the Campbell family in Margate? They certainly did. We'll begin with Stanley. Does he have any teeth? He does not. How do I vex him? Why, with vinegar in the water jug. I don't understand. He has false teeth in a cup by his bed. He fills the cup with water from a jug. Cecil put vinegar in. So when he put his teeth in, he got vinegar in his mouth. I think that's everything. OK, don't worry about that. That was just froth, really. Let's get into something of more substance. George would you like to lead a discussion into the worrying problem of church reform? Oh, God, Cecil, not that. We're sticking to the plan, Bert. Have you planned this? There's no point in trying to explain a complicated theological issue in five minutes, Cecil. Yes, I know, George, but remember what we... What was it you were saying earlier about "If we don't reform the church..."? I was saying, if we don't reform the church we might as well appoint dogs and cats as vicars and have the ceremonies in a brothel. Or Catholicism, as I call it. Uh-huh. Oh, come on, that's witty. That's top stuff. Wow. All right. Not a problem. Hadn't intended to bring this out so early, it's dessert fare really, but, Bert, break open the blue vault. I thought I wasn't to tell any of those stories. Change of plan. Ladies, if you're of a nervous disposition, you'd better leave now. Otherwise prepare to taste true pleasure in the company of these three libertines. Basically, I was in a pissing competition... I don't want to hear about that. Right. You're being difficult now. You're putting up barriers to having fun. I don't want to hear a story about urine. Yes, when you put it like that, obviously... but, you know, that's a fun story. If it was midnight, that would go down an absolute storm. Imagine it's midnight. There's a lot of imagining involved here. Imagine it's midnight, imagine you haven't been abducted. Oh, no. - What is it? - Cecil? I bloody well invited bloody Agnes round, didn't I? Well, why have you done that? I wanted to show off that we had the leper over. If you've got it, flaunt it. I wanted her to see that we've made a friend. Unfortunately, old Trimbo here's turned nasty haven't you, you bad dog? Cecil, I can hear you're in there. It's a long shot, but when my sister comes in you wouldn't consider pretending to enjoy our company, would you? Doesn't seem very likely. I see. In that case, we've... don't really know how to sell this... We've got a lovely pantry, with plenty of room. Are you at all attracted by the idea of fucking off into the pantry for a mo? I'm not going to voluntarily go and sit in your pantry. If you want me to be in the pantry, you're going to have to put me in the pantry. You heard the lady, Bert. Done it before, I'll do it again. Cecil! Bet you're wishing you'd never invited me round now, aren't you. You're being antisocial and uncooperative. Oh, I'm sorry for being an uncooperative hostage. Have your other hostages been more amenable? - They've been less sarcastic. - What's taking so long? - Would you mind if I went as well? Why do you want to go? I told Agnes I've stopped coming round. That's a bit much. No, you're staying out here, Winky. I'm going to stand up to Agnes on that. She's gone, George. Shall I get her out? Nah, leave her. Thanks, Georgie. Oh, Miss Trimble, I just want to say, I'm sorry things have escalated this way. I hope we can salvage this and still be friends, one day. I prefer it here to be honest. There's rat poison to wash away the taste of those vol-au-vents. They were exquisite and that is demented. You're dead to me. Shhhhhh. Your garden's full of rubbish. Agnes, what a pleasure. Why have you dragged me here, Cecil? Just to rub my nose in the fact that you spend all day dossing? No, you're here because I want to give you this... cup... back. I think we borrowed it a while ago. I've never seen that before. Have you not? My mistake. How long do I have to stay in here? Anyway, thanks for coming. Bye then. Who was that? That was Winky. - It didn't sound like Winky. - It is me, here I am. Why's Winky locked in the pantry? Because I've been bad. - Great answer. You pervert, George Wright. God only knows what goes through your mind. I'm contacting Hesta and the Parish Council to let them know you're imprisoning a woman against her will. Two women. What? Two women, if you're going. I'm also in here. - Who are you? - Winky again. No, it's not. That was me as well. No, it wasn't. Me also. This is ridiculous. I repeat, ridiculous. Let it go now, Winky. OK. - Who else is in there? - Miss Trimble. Who? Miss Trimble. The village leper. Oh. Can you let me out of here, please? I'm going to make sure everyone knows about this. It's OK. It's over. In for a penny. What? Cecil! You bastard! Already can't remember why I did that. You're here? - What happened? - Nothing serious. I forgot the key in the lock and came looking. I saw that the light was on and knocked. you Did right. i Wanted to tell you that i followed your advice. which advice? turned Panisse's offer down. I do not know if you did it right. - It was you who suggested it. - Maybe it was too fast. I should have stayed quiet. instead of taking this responsibility. My father did not even sleep ... See you tomorrow, dear Fanny. Well, since you're sending me away ... I'm not sending you away, do not be mad, please. come in for a while. I would like to talk to you about this marriage. But like I was your brother. You're not my brother. I consider you as a sister. I Do not wanna be your sister. i love you. i want you. after saying that, be polite and do not look at me. I Should not have told me. Do not you love me? Marius, you love me. I know. I can not marry you. Why? Do you have a lover? Confess. For a man there is not any shame. I asked the waitress for coffee if you had a lover, but she swore you do not. - What will she think of you? - What she wants. I'll follow you and end up knowing who she is. No. There is none. If I could get married I would marry you. but... do not ask me anything else. -Withwhomyou 'retalking? - No one. he Spent talking to himself now. did you Turn being a sleepwalker? GO to sleep, you're boring. And take a look the third barrel of beer. icouldnotclose the tap. I'll take a look Come on. We'll talk about it tomorrow morning. - Tell me your secret. - You would not understand. - You're gonna betray me. - I? Betray you? So I will tell you. - I want to go. - Where to? Anywhere but far away. your father will grief on you? Who compels you to go away? Nothing. my desire. Take me with you. I can not take you. will You go on the ship? I will. - Piquoiseau convinced you. - No. i wanted to go from quiet long time. One night, in front of the bar, a sailboat docked. It was a three-masted. with Brought wood Guilder. Black trunks out. and golden inside. They smelled of camphor and pepper. it Was coming from archipelago called Sous-Le-Vent. I talked with the crew. they Told me of their land. and their experiences and they gave me some rum. It was a sweet rum, really spicy. Then one night ... One night, they were gone. I went to the pier, I watched the beautiful sailboat leaving. He was against the sun. it Was going to the Sous-le-Vent islands. That was the day I decided. Tell me the truth. was There a woman on that boat? I see, you do not understand. So you want to know these islands? The islands Sous-le-Vent? It would be better not to go to and spoil the dream. But I want to leave here. That's the truth. silly thing, an inexplicable idea. I want to go. By this you will leave me? Now that I told you, go away. Marius. Go away now? I will. I'm hoping they call me. I beg you, do not go away! I beg you, Marius. Not today! Go then in another boat. Not today. Stay for few more days. I will always love you, Marius. And if you take me with handcuffs? you should not cry, i need you to give me courage? Let me go. Forget me. Never! I'll be waiting! Do not wait for me! I want to leave! Do not answer. If you are gone, I will drown myself. The Corsican returned. did he? he's on board. Do not go away! Do not be sad, do not cry. I will love you so much ,and it will heal. It's over now. I'll take care of you. waiter Givemeabottleofrum! they are not slept yet! I see the light. What'sthis? we Not have rum,we're closed. I'll sleep. doyouwantmetogetdown? I'll sleep. My father is coming. hurry. What is this boy up to? are you a sleep? he's a sleep. - you Will never love another woman? - No, you know it. Another woman ... Never. one month later. your turn. - I'm in doubt. - But not until tomorrow. So, Captain, we are waiting. This is important. They have 32. - And we? - 30. - We go to 34. - Win or lose the game. i wonder if Panisse have hearts. If you accompany the game, you'd know. The game is silent. not allowed to speak. If it was in a league you be disqualified. played ten championships I never saw so suits. You lost. The insults of his agony did not reach the winner. Yes, but what if Panisse have hearts. When we're playing don't speak not even a "Good Morning". i Did not say that, I'm thinking. Think in silence. - And you, do not make signs. - I? Making signs? and mind your own game. - And you too! - One more face, i'll match the letters up and go back home. Do not bother, they are done I know well. the game of shackles. and would not hesitate a second. if it was sure that Panisse have hearts. They keep giving signals. Take care of Captain, I take care of Caesar. How so? are accusing me? I, your childhood friend? Thank you. - Are you hurt? - No, i'm happy. Looks like I'm a villain. Thank you. Hit the heart, you know? Hit the heart. Right in the heart. In the heart. And then? Stop playing? He hit me in the heart. And you? do Not feel anything? - Okay, cups. - Cups. do You think I'm an asshole? I told him that I understand that with hearts. Keep all cards. No more playing with the Greeks. This time it was fought forever. Goals scored. it Is wrong. It is wrong for fighting and you for cheating. If you can not cheat with friends. it does not worth playing cards. Well Let's play to learn who pays the bill. Good evening everyone. - Good evening, miss. - Good evening. - aren't you going home? - No, I'm going to the station take my mother. - You are a perfect girl. -is Marius here? - why? - To go to the station tomorrow, to get my baskets. Marius! Come here! Can you help me tomorrow morning? sure. Until tomorrow, Fanny. Care for your mother to not to miss the train. I'll take her. Good evening everyone. Good evening, Fanny. She is beautiful like a flower. is Not true, Marius? Yes, she is very beautiful. If she knew where he was going tonight, - she Would be upset. - Why? Because he will see his mistress. that is why I suspect that he doesn't wanna get married. That rascal. he get dressed to go spend the night. at the woman's house. - The day is Wednesday. - How do you know? Pretty soon he will leave me and say, "Good night, Daddy." And I answer, "are you going for a ride?" He will say, "I'm going to the movies." He will return back from that little street behind. and Will enter through his bedroom window. and close the door from inside. For what? In the morning, if the door is closed. to think that he's still a sleep. rascal My son is smart. But I am too. Ready. Shuffle. - Good night, Daddy. - Good night, son. - Go for a ride? - I'm going to the movies. - Do you have money? - yes. good - Do not come back too late. - Midnight, an hour. Not later. - Take care of yourself. - Marius, take care! He will go around from behind. Tell me, Caesar ... Caesar, tell me ... - Who is this lover? - I do not know. we talked about it once and I was not insisting. He's grown up. But I suspect that she is the wife of a sailor. why? First, he spends the night, which means that the husband is away. Yes, of course. 32. 37. 37? Second, is that the sailor has more horns. 40. how? the sailor's has most horns. 40. - did you get cold? - What did you do to him? I did not do anything. Because I Said that the sailor ... My apologies, friend. Apologies to the sailor or the horn? - The both. - Apologies are not enough. Please do not be like that. Are you a cuckold, is not your fault. Everyone knows. There is no mystery. But Sobonne did not know! - It was he who told me. - I? If I'm horn, it does not interest you. But I forbid you to insult French Navy! i will Never play with you! Calm down, listen ... - I do not want to hear anything! I'll be back tomorrow morning to receive his apology. - Well, Captain ... - Do not insist. If you want to apologize, I can ask right now. No, I thought excuses. I want you to think the severity of what you said. There is, moreover, idiot. I never wanted to insult the French Navy. I admire it, i love it. Fuck your love to the French Navy. The French Navy sends you to hell. You? i missed you. hold me! Do you love me? Yes, I love you. And you? I? As crazy! i think you wanted to go. to the country of the green monkeys ... It was inexplicable. Tell me ... - are you still thinking about this? - No. Not like before. My delusion is gone the way it appeared. Marius ... When we'll get married? When you want. I'll talk to my father and then ... We'll ask your mother. Can you explain my plan? What plan? Our house. - do you have a plan? - i already figured everything. So tell. your father give us his room, which is bigger than yours. Started badly. He'll never give his room for you. - Why? - Think about it. My mother died in it. He never changed things around. then, we'll take yours. I'll put a blue carpet. And the furniture? You know how I'm gonna arrange it? Between the two windows, i'll put the dresser of my aunt. In front of the dresser ... - What is it? - A passing ship. it Is beeping to avoid an encounter. Wow, this is great! And in front of the dresser, what will you put? Our bed. Marius is not here. If you are Fanny, Marius with you. I want to talk to you. Then talk. Marius does not hide anything from me. But I may hide. Marius, come. speak in front of me or go away. Whatever. Excuse me. I'll be waiting for you in front of the bar. When you come back, we'll talk. Bye, love. This is annoying. He will notice that i did not returned home. Tell me he did not see you. He'll tell everyone, create stories. I better talk to him. Then you go. I keep waiting. - What do you want? - There's a place on Malaisie. Come on, hurry Chief. I can not go. I got a place for you and you're refusing? I can not. four months ago , you were crazy about sailing. - And you throw me in the last hour? - I'm sorry. That is not right. the next time, i'll be wary of the Marseilles. I need more courage to stay. than to leave. you're missing a perfect chance here. It seems that it is because of a woman. The girl who sells seafood. are you deeply in love with her? I have no right to go. - Why? - A case of conscience. you'll Regret. Never more so than now. This one will spend the nights crying. And where we should find someone now? Wait! do Not seek another. Wait. You said he'll be crying at night. Are you sure? - It will be miserable. - You saw it, think about it. -do you Want to end his life? - Shut up. Wait until tomorrow to find a replacement. Maybe he goes. Even if you leave, he will refuse. Passing by the bar tomorrow morning. Where were you? I was scared. Here. I was here. - why did he wanna talk with you? - Nothing. He wanted his money and I gave to him. What time is it? Where is he? I'll be back. Gosh, I'm sorry for your lover. but since yesterday at 20.00 ... you've had enough time. Thank you again, Mr. Amourdedieu. any time you need help, please tell me. - A good day, Honorine. - Good morning. - What is it? - Do you recognize this belt? What happened? Marius had an accident? Well he deserved, this naughty. They need to get married now! Sit, Honorine. Sit. Do not cry like that. What? I went to Aix, as all Wednesdays. - Aix, all Wednesdays? - Yes, see my sister. And instead of going back on the train from 22h as always, I returned by car with Mr. Amourdedieu. And then ... What did they say? I was embarrassed. i Sat quietly. Marius, now you went so far. what did you do , my boy? a naughty. She is 18 years old. 18 years. she'll End up like her aunt, Zoe! Do not say that. Go, Honorine ... Do not cry, we will fix it. better than breaking a leg. Who would believe in such a thing? This little girl, who had modesty, it seems child. Since she did not pass to do for free. - Going forward. - And you have the nerve to laugh? don't you realize that it's terrible for me? I'm nervous? I'm lost? Indeed, poor thing. What do I offer to you? A Mandarin-limo. My God. Come on. Let's drink and examine the situation. But the situation is quite simple. i'm going to find my daughter, I'll split her into two you're not going to kill her for that. - With truncheon blows. - Now Honorine! Drop me. You do not know me. Enough, Honorine! Calm down. Sit here, my pretty. Sit. Give me that. we will arrange their marriage in 15 days, and stop talking about it. Oh, the children! The children are good when they are still young. What do you want? youth. Everything goes fast. But even so ... poor thing. Youth passes quickly. and does not return. Mr. Marius! - he's coming through the window. - I do not want to see him ... -because i'll kil him. - no , you'r not gonna kill anyone. - Go, go away. - I'll see what i can do. - Where am I? - calm down. I gave you my word. we are going to marry them in 15 days. You're late! - I cleaned the house before coming. -you're sure. But the booth was closed. - I do not know what holds me. - What did I do wrong? I came home today at 7:00 a.m.. Mommy, I ask your forgiveness. there's no forgiveness. It was simpler to get married before? you did the same shameful deed as my sister. you Could have done it honestly. He wanted to see you sleeping? Then tell him that now you should get married immediately . - And no! I'll talk to him ... - No, Mom! Stop, let me! If he does not ask you, do not go come back home. you're not gonna be my daughter. I'll lock myself here and die crying. And that one, he's taking advantage to rob us. What do you want? - Where is the seller? - I am. What do you want? - you Woke up? - What time is it? - Passed 09.00. - I was reading late last night. I told you a thousand times that reading is bad, especially so late. - I'm not a good guy. - You think? i Should read a book that wil make me tired. I almost wake you. you haven't call me by 7:00 a.m.? Yes, I called, but you continued sleeping. - If you hear snoring from here. - This is impossible. - And why? - I never snore. Snored so that customers started laughing. I tried, but the door was closed. I have closed it unintentionally. Unintentionally ... Take coffee. The croissants still warm. Let have the breakfasts. - Your pants are falling. - what? I had the impression. -I have lost weight. - You read too much! Keep it going and you will be skinny as a toothpick. why you're not wearing your belt? I'll buy one a new one. And then? This is so simple. Great Marius, now! -you have a good appetite. - Yes, I have. Reading is killing you? Great Marius, now! Tell me ... your old lover, one that satisfies you for mercy ... committed suicide? do you Still see her? Sure No! you still see her? you Remain a terrible fellow! why? For nothing. Great Marius, now! did yo told her that you want to get married? Not yet, but let her understand that it'll happen one day ... You have not explained well, but means. Anyway ... That is very right with her, but not with Fanny. - Why is least correct? - Because left waiting. do you Want to marry her? Yes. I've already decided. And why not tell her parents? Fanny isn't on a hurry. When I say that she says we have time. weird. I wonder if she has no regrets. with Panisse. She does not care for that old bastard. - So why? - Your fault. - My fault? - yes, your fault. You still do not know women well, so I will explain them to you. Women are faithful and delicate.. We can not say anything to them, but see everything, understands everything, guess everything. She understands that you do not hurry. In fidelity she tells you that you have time. But tell her that marriage is for tomorrow morning. and she will come to the church before the priest. - Maybe you're right. - Not maybe. I'm right. I'll talk to her. Listen here ... Once to come, talk seriously. Contact as soon as possible. remember about Zoe , she was less honest then others What has it do with now! with this story that I even know? Do not you know? Zoë was a beautiful young woman and provocative, but without malice. She worked at the factory of matches. I remember her walking around here with a big straw hat. All men keep looking at her. she Had a special charm. She smiled at everyone, but it was like a holy image. But one day, she was charmed by a Spanish sailor. She believed they were getting married, and he will not travel anymore. And so ... They gave each other ahead of time. And one night, he was gone. - He abandoned her? - Yes He abandoned her. And then Zoe ... Poor thing. When a man cheats on them, they lose the taste otherwise. She could never love anyone. and became a street girl. And when they start, they do not have anything to lose. The honor is like a match. lights only for once. Why are you telling me this? to tell you that Fanny is not for fun. Get it? Yes, I did. I do not suspect it, I know nothing, I never saw anything. But if there were conversations between you, caresses, then you must marry soon. get it? - I'll talk to her. - yes. Talk to her about it. And insist, as much as possible. Understand? Because if either know what I think, Sailor of Zoé, he was not a man. so...? Are you ready? No. i told you last night, I can not. - Found a replacement? - No. I thought you would understand. It was your mistake, especially to tell me that. no , i'm not going no No. If you change your mind, we're across the pier. I will not change my mind. I'll send a postcard. Why didn't you tell me? now i lack a new man. Pretty soon he'll be there. Do not think so. Women ... Call your mother. We need to talk. are you in a hurry? If you love me, do not miss even a moment. call your mother. Do you really want to marry me? Marriage is a serious thing. for life. call your mother, please. Are you sure you love me enough? there's a boat at the pier, to the left, you see it? - The Malaisie, I know. - I have a place in it. They came looking for me. My suitcase is ready. If I wanted to go, it's only through the pier, but I'm staying. I'll stay with you. For how long? If you help me, it'll be forever. Perhaps, Marius. But marry me, you'll never be happy. You want to give me your name because you feel responsible. But you are not responsible. you're not asked for anything. It was me who sought you. Go away, Marius. Follow your dream. He did not send you to me. Fanny, you're not trying to get me. go cross the pier. Fanny... If you love me, take me in your arms, close my eyes and hold me with all your strength. Do not suffer needlessly. You still have time. but... Unfortunate ... what wil happen to you if i left? Do not bother, I already have a way out. Have? What does this mean? you Will marry Panisse? With him or with another, what does it matter? have you spoke with him about it? have you? When? Several times. When you said you refused, you were lying? You know, Marius, you're not for me. Families have interests. There is s love that exists in life. and there're strong issues than it. As I struggled against my wishes ... While I suffered in silence. you settled things between you two? - Where are you going? - Let me go. - Go away? - Each with what you love. go home with Panisse's money and i'll follow my dream , to the sea. They give back to the world and I give round the block. You will stay, Marius? Staying? I can not pass. My father is in front of the bar. I'm causing problems Go through the window. Write as if you had a date. Drive around the square, i'll distract your father. Fanny... No, do not say anything else. Go away! Go away! Marius, are you? Tell my father that ... What? What, boy? No, nothing. nothing. Ready. Come here, Caesar. Ready. I'll be back. How is rosy. It seems that you were crying. - Yes it can be. - Did you cry? And then? Marius spoke to you? did you agree? What happiness. Brave boy, good Fanny! Do you know how long I think about this wedding? - Three months? - No, 11 years ago ... No! 14 years. You were younger than a vase of flowers. and one night at this bar, the mother of Marius got you. kissed you and said, "Not true, Fanny, you'll be the wife of Marius?" At the bar, everyone laughed, but ... you do not laugh. You opened your big black eyes. and said, "Yes!" And now, the time has come. César! Marius was standing by Malaisie and want to talk to you. no. He went to get my baskets in Estacio. i asked him to do so. But what's the story? there are things that hurt to see. Open your eyes. Stop it, silly. I've seen it in a while. Come, my pretty. Let's see from the boat. - And customers? - They'll wait. - no -why? I want to stay here with you. - To speak about what? - All things in our interest. An apartment, for example. We'll need one. You come and live here with me. Do not think I want to live alone. like an old animal. And then, you know ... i treat Maruis seriously from time to time. but I like him a lot. my son. If I stay without seeing it for six months .. I would die. for the apartment, my plan is as follows. Have you seen my room? I'll show you. Look my idea, come. Come, Fanny. Come, my pretty. Stay right here. This window. Do not know how much it is pleasant in the morning. to let the sun's rays in. In the summer, it reaches the foot of the bed, but in winter, inmorning, at 10h00, it reaches the pendulum. What do you think of this room? -it's higher than Marius's room. - it is. I thought I'm alone, do not need much space. I'll take the room of Marius and this one is yours. Yes, it will be easier to put everything. there is one thing I will ask of you. to leave the bed where it is. It was here that he was born ... And it was here here his mother died. - The Malaisie will leave. - Good riddance! May the Good God take care of them and protect them. See? That door over there? Behind it there is a small part that does not serve anything. Here we put, if you want, and it is my pleasure, a small bed. - Very small. - Yes .. My little! What? What is it, my little girl? Fanny! Fanny! Marius, she is sick! Bring a bottle of rum! Marius! Where is he? Marius! The sea by : Saifo original subs by: Art Subs - I am dead. And why am i pretending to be dead? So I could get away from everyone, everything that could distract me from you. - Oh, hi. -Whois she? - Mother, she's married. - You can't have other people in your life, especially women. - I need a room for a few hours. - Your name? - David... Davidson. - Do let me know if I can do anythingelseforyou , Mr.DavidDavidson. -I wassorrytohear yourparolegotdenied. - Two more years-- that's all I care about. - Mother, I have someone else's wallet, and I don't know how I got it. Doyoueverhavethefeeling thatyou'vehad thesamenightmare overandoveragain, butthatyou can'trememberit ? Turn it off. Someone's gonna hear you. -Jim? Jim? Y-youthere? -thosethunderbumpers havefinallyleftthe area. Itis68 degrees andpartlysunnyinbend , withanotherchanceofrain onSaturday. This is a weather pattern that is looking to really continue overthenextcouple ofdays. Highpressurebuilding... - romero. You've got a visitor. - hey, sheriff. How's life? Oh, I'm here because you were worried about me. It was really kind of you to send your friend to see how I'd been getting along. But as you can see, I'm quite all right. - You are, huh? - you know something? don't think I am unsympathetic to your plight. I know what it's like to be locked up somewhere and being watched all the time, because you put me in such a place--do you remember? - That was your mother's decision. - Uh-uh. Don't lie. That is a lie. It--it was you. it was you. It was your way of trying to get rid of me. and I'm still alive. - for now. - great seeing you, sheriff. - mm. I'm coming for you when you least expect it, so don't get too cozy up at that house all by yourself. - what? - Caleb decided to move on. He said he didn't think it'd be good for him to live here, even though he'd love to be near us. Oh, well, at least he left a note this time. - Yeah, I talked to him. - What did you say? - Basically the stuff that we talked about-- how much pressure it would put on your relationship with Katie. He knows you love him, and he--he gets it, Dylan. I feel terrible... And relieved. And--and I feel terrible that I feel relieved. I mean... - Hey, it's not your fault. You can't fix something that happened before you were born. And you've done the best you possibly could with it. It's.... We're trying to live a life in the sun here. No secrets. It's a good path. Let's just try and stay on it. - Okay. - God, I know how hard it is. I feel the same way about my mom. I wish Katie could know her and--and Caleb, but i-i just don't think it's in anyone's best interest. Katie will be short on grandparents, but at least she'll live in a honest, open world... especially between us. - I hope so. - Norma, are you home? hey, Norma? Hey, Norma? Norma? hey, Norma? Norma? Norma? - Hey. Watch it. - Or what, bitch? - Norman? - yes? - If you're Norman, your coffee's sitting here. - sorry. Thanks. - No problem. - Norman? - Oh. Oh, Madeleine. It's, uh, so good to see you. D-do you get some coffee here, too? - Well, yeah. It-- it's right across the street. - I guess it is. - Hey, I'm sorry you couldn't come to the meeting, but I can fill you in on all the ideas that came out of it-- a lot of them about preserving the architectural history of the village. - Well, i-i love that-- preserving the architectural history of the village. - hey, can I be really nosy and pushy for a second? And if you hate it, you can tell me to stop. Okay? - Okay. - can I set you up with someone? - Oh. Uh... I don't really do that sort of thing, you know. - I get it. I really do. You know, the truth is, i just thought it would be fun for all of us. - Oh. All of us? - Yeah. I've gotten to know this nice girl, joanne. She's helping me with my store website. She's single and says she never meets anyone. She's really cute and nice, and you're really cute and nice. my husband doesn't know many people here, and I'm trying to get him to see how cool this place is and, you know, meet the locals. I thought it would be a win-win. And a chance for us to get to know each other better, too. What do you think? - Well, I think if you're going, then it's different. - you're a bit of a flirt, aren't you? - Am I? - Yeah. You are. - hey, babe, what's taking so long? - Yeah, sorry. I just got caught up. This is Norman bates. He owns the bates motel right outside the village. - It's nice to meet you. Uh, what was the name? - Sam loomis. - Nice to meet you, Sam loomis. - I'm setting Norman up with joanne Carlson. - Who's joanne Carlson? - You know, that woman who's been totally redesigning our website? - Oh, right. - You met her, like, twice. Sam's head is still in Seattle. - Oh. My business is there. I'm finishing up some real estate development. - Oh. Sounds exciting, Sam. - see? We're gonna have so much to talk about. Let's-- why don't we say tonight? Say, 7:00 at the temple street bar? - I would love to have dinner with you, meet your friend. - Great. It's a date. - Great. - bye. See you later. - See you. - Hi. - hey. How do you feel? - Swell. - Do you know your name? - D-do you know yours? - I know that I don't have a concussion. - Alex romero, inmate number a49452-- cellblock five, cage 63. I'm serving five years on a trumped-up perjury beef. - What happened? Did someone find out you're a cop? - Yeah, apparently. Can't hide the truth forever. Inmates talk. Found out I was an ex-cop and jumped me. uh, maybe I need to talk to my lawyer. - I would. computervoice: Le livre est sur la table. -Lelivreest sur latable. - Mother? Who are you talking to? - Hi, Norman. I'm studying French. -Thebedroomisblue . La chambre est bleu. - La chambre est bleu. - Why? - Oh, I figure just because I'm trapped in this house doesn't mean my mind has to stagnate. -Red. Rouge. -Rouge. -Thecherryisred. La cerise est Rouge. -Laceriseest Rouge. By the way, where have you been all day? I was up at 7:00. You were already gone. - Oh, yeah. I just had a few errands to run. Oh, in fact, I should maybe get back to the office. -Traitor. Traître. - Traître. -Thetraitorwas hung. Le traître a été pendu. - What kind of French course is this? - Where were you really today? - The village. - For six hours? - I went to see romero in prison. - Why? To tell him that you know he sent someone to kill you and you're still alive? - Basically, yes. - That's kind of dumb. I mean, wouldn't it be better to let him think that you're dead so he leaves you alone? - Mother, he is going to get out someday, and we have to deal with it. He thinks that I killed you, remember? He is crazy, and so I just went to make sure he was never gonna mess with me ever again. - I can handle him when he gets out. - are--are you saying you're gonna kill him? mother, do you still have feelings for him? - Hello! Norman? - It's just chick. - That guy. He's so annoying. I have to hide every time he comes over. - I know, mother, but he's been nice to me, okay? He's helped me out with things around the house. - Norman? - coming! And besides, okay, it's necessary to have one friend from the outside. It makes things look more normal. You just got to deal with it. - pretending to be dead isn't as much fun as I thought it would be. - Hey. Sorry, chick. - Yeah. I just came by to check on you. Is it a bad time? Mm. Never mind. It's just an expression. I'm here. I brought these for you. They're--they're fresh. - Well, they-- they look delicious. Thank you so much. - Yeah, they're lady annes. I picked them from my neighbor's tree. Moving out of that place. He can't afford it. So I thought, "you got to pick while the picking's good," right? - That's what you got to do. - Yeah. - Thank you. Thank you, chick. - Yeah. - Really. - It's just-- that's actually not why i-- why I came. I wanted to show you something. go on. Take a look. I have a business proposition for you. - let's go in the basement! - the basement it is! - it's a peregrine. Fastest-moving creature on record. Still pretty rare, though. - She's stunning. - So here's what I'm thinking. I bring you these, uh, specimens... And you, uh, turn 'em into art. Then I help you sell 'em. - You really think someone will buy them? - You got quite a talent. Your technique is superlative. I know an art dealer in Portland who specializes in the un-commonalities. She's showcased some of my work. - Well, it would be nice for others to appreciate these beautiful animals, and I could sure use the space. - So we'll-- we'll do a 50/50 split. - 50/50? Look, i-- normally, an art dealer gets 50 just for showing the piece. I'm getting 50 by bringing you the specimens, by repping you, plus providing you the art dealer. The fact of the matter is, is that I... I'm broke. Caleb crippled my hands and my body. I can't work on my own. I need the money, Norman. - I understand. - How's that freezer working out for you? - It's working much better. Thanks for fixing it. It's staying cold. - That's good to hear. Torrent downloaded from RARBG - a pair of eurasian jays. - beautiful. - So we'll give this a go, then? partner? - we'll give it a go. - Hey. - Hey. - Welcome to the kings motel. What brings you to town? - I'm just visiting my sister. - Of course. Uh, which credit card will you be using today? - Uh, cash. - Cash is fine. - All right. Who's your sister? - Norma bates. what? - um, when was the last time you talked to her? - I don't know. Like, a year and a half ago. I've been out of the country. Why? - Right, um... Uh, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your sister-- she, uh--she passed away. It was a terrible tragedy. - What are you talking about? No, she didn't. I was just with her son. He would've said something. - I don't know what to tell you. look, she--she died. She committed suicide. It made the local news. I'm so sorry you had to hear about it this way. - Ah, Mr. Davidson. You need a room again for a few hours? - No. I came to see you. This double date... I just came by to see... What kind of a man you are. - I'm not sure we have the same dictionary definition. - I'm not gonna stand here and explain myself to you. All I can tell you is... Stay out of it. - Well, you're right. It's none of my business. I barely know you or your wife. But man-to-man, Sam, you don't care much for her, do you? - See, the thing is, Norman, I'm a nice guy. I am, but in spite of that, I'm perfectly willing to kick your ass across that gravel out there if you breathe a word about this to my wife. Do we understand each other? - I think so. - Don't screw with me. - mother, are you smoking? - I'm dead. It's not like it's gonna kill me. Don't do that. I'm bored. I can smoke if I want to. - No, you can't. You can't smoke. You're just trying to punish me. - Seriously, mother, it's childish. is this silliness because we were talking about romero? - No. what? - Do you still love him? - no. - he sent someone here to kill me. You remember that, right? where are you going? - business meeting. - You seem really into business meetings lately. - please don't be childish, mother. It's boring. It's important for us to keep a presence in the community. And I didn't even go to the last one. We were busy, as you may recall. - I recall. - I'll be back in a few hours, and we'll spend some time together. I promise. just don't get yourself in such a state, listening to this music. And don't smoke. - Okay. - I started in the theater department. I wanted to be a stage actor more than anything, but I never got cast, and my dad kept telling me that no one was going to cast me and I needed another job. He said that the last thing this world needs is another actor, and I was like, "thanks, asshole." Parents don't always know. - Mine didn't. We don't talk anymore. He's a dick. - So, uh, then you decided to go into computer programming. - Yeah. I don't really like it, but I'm kind of good at it, so... - You're amazing at it. Norman, you should see the website she's making for us. - Oh. It's easy with you. You're artistic. - Oh, I know she is, just from being in her shop. - Uh... Our shop. - Mm. Yes, of course, Sam. It's just, you're never there. - Well, my business is in Seattle. It wasn't my idea to move, but we're getting it figured out. - I know. We will. - Oh! Oh, and we're out. - Oh. Uh, excuse me. Could we get another bottle of the château de maragrite? - You have such a good French accent. Do you speak French? - Oh, no. Uh, no, my-- I just listen to French movies sometimes. - With subtitles? - Mm-hmm. - I hate subtitles. I'm like, "am I watching this or reading it?" You know? - Yeah, i don't have the Patience to get through most movies. I guess I'm more of a doer. - What is it you're always doing, Sam? - Real estate. - Sam's working on a couple of houses he's flipping. - Oh, that's right. House flipping. - He made some good money from it, but he knows the market way better in Seattle than the market here. So, as a result, i spend a lot of time at the hardware store by myself. - You can handle it. - Yeah, I can. It's all gonna be good. - my mother used to say that. - She did? well, she was right. - I heard about your mother. I'm sorry. - what happened? - She passed away not too long ago. - She killed herself. - oh. I'm sorry. - Thanks. It's, uh... It was a while ago. - I'm really glad you came out tonight. - thank you. I'll, uh--I'll be right back. - business meeting, huh? - For the love of god, mother, what are you doing here? - I could just as easily ask you that question. - Mother, I am not the one who's supposed to be dead. I mean, what if someone saw you in here? - No one did. It's fine. By the way... When did you start lying to me? - I'm not lying to you, mother. I just got trapped into coming to this dinner. Okay? Madeleine wanted me to meet her friend. I've got no interest in her friend, but I didn't want to be rude. It just seemed easier to go to the dinner than insult her. - Well, I'm glad you're thinking of everyone else's feelings. - Mother, you're overreacting, okay? But right now you need to leave. Come on. Let's go. Let's go, mother. Out. We can't risk you walking back through the restaurant. - That is ridiculous. - No, mother. What's ridiculous is a dead woman walking through a restaurant where she might be spotted by any number of people who know her. - I didn't see any people I know. I looked. - Mother! Just go out the window now. take the keys. Get in the back of the car and lay down so no one can see you. I will be done with dinner soon. Just wait for me. - Norman, do you still like me? - Yes. Mother, yes. I still like you. Now go! - given what happened... I can go to a circuit judge and effectively argue that your life is in jeopardy in here and that it was punitive to ever put you in a medium-security prison based on a perjury charge. I should be able to get you to a work farm. - Okay. Well, I'd like to be moved. I--uh-- when I came here, i was so devastated about losing my wife, i didn't care, but now it's-- i-i need to stay alive and well. I have a responsibility to-- to take care of the son that she left behind. So, yeah, I'd--I'd like to be transferred. - I'll file the transfer request. - Okay. - Until then, just relax. For god's sake, try not to piss anybody else off. - I'll do my best. - All right. - good-bye. thank you. I'm sorry about that. It was fun, though. It was good to see you. - why aren't you starting the car? It's hard laying down back here. - Mother, get back down, now. The people I was having dinner with are just a few cars away. They might see you. - Bye. - Bye. - She looks like me. Why are you having dinner with someone who looks like me? - I don't think she looks like you. - She's like me but ten years younger. Are you gonna be one of those guys? - Mother, it was just a friendly little dinner. what are you doing? - I'm going out. - No, mother. You can't. - Can't I? - bourbon, neat. - how's your night going? - Oh, it's going. - I'm just sick of my job. - I hear you. What do you do? - I'm a caretaker for a mentally ill person. - wow. That's a tough gig. - Yeah, you're not kidding. - and I don't--i don't think he likes me that much anymore. It makes the job a lot harder. I'm like, "what the hell am I doing this for?" - "Personal satisfaction?" I spend a lot of time alone or getting him out of problems he creates... - By not listening to me, you know? And--and... I just don't like having to do these things. - It's getting to me. I need to get out more, see real people. I'm gonna have to start cutting my hours. - I admire that you do that work. I'm sure it means a lot to the guy you're taking care of, even if he can't articulate it. - he can't. - not lately. - hit me. - even though she wasn't there, exceptinhismind. Shewasdead, butwhatdidthatmatter? Howdifferentis that fromanyrelationship? Howmuchdo we project ontoourmates? Andwhythehell doweneedsomuch anyways? Ishappiness,in asense, alljustacreation ofthemind? - Double scotch. - You got it. - of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world... - look, don't mess with me. You don't want to mess with me right now. - That's funny. You're saying that to somebody who you beat the crap out of, left for dead, stole all their money, and ruined their life. That's funny. - Yeah, funny. You're forgetting about the part where you almost got me and my son killed. - Dylan. Norma's kid. Your kid. - Don't you dare talk about her like that, or I will kill you. - I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about how you raped your sister. - I don't care if we are in public, okay? You say her name again like that, and I will kill you. I will kill you. - Okay. Good, good. Holy shit. You just found out. - just leave me the hell alone, all right? You have no idea about anything. - Wait. Wait! - she wouldn't kill herself. I told her. - You told who? - Norma. I warned her about her kid. - What about Norman? - I told her... He was gonna snap someday. she didn't listen to me. - Maybe you don't know Norman the way that you think you do. - he's not getting away with it, no. - Norman! shit! Norman! you're not getting away! I know what you did! Norman! Norman! - holy shit. - well, now you know, chick. I'm still alive. I'm taking some time off from work-- well, my other work-- because we needed it. It's great. It's great. The phone's been ringing off the hook. The guys in Philly are kind of going nuts. But that doesn't matter. This does. It's the only thing that matters. We've had some really nice days together. Mm-hmm. Nice morning, too. Beesly. Oh, my God. Hey. Which tie makes me look like a guy who likes sofas? My agent's putting me up for a furniture commercial. Ah. Definitely blue. Totally, right? So, big tuna, what's up? Back in the small pond? For now, yeah, yeah. I was just spreading myself way too thin-- Thin-sliced tuna. Carpaccio. Go on. Uh, well, it took me a while. But I finally realized that I can't give 100% to two things at once, you know? Yeah. Tell me about it. I've been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time, I don't know if I'm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup. Huh. Well, you know, you can't have everything, so you gotta ask yourself what makes you the happiest. You just go all in for what's most important. That's my new thing. Is everything okay? No. Everything is not okay. The county took my cats. Wait, all of them? Two sacks' worth. Apparently, my apartment complex has rules about how many pets are too many for a studio. And while I was out picking Philip up from daycare, they came. They came into my house. That's-- that's awful, Angela. I'm so sorry. It's the bitch that lives downstairs. She's this uptight, judgmental shrew. You know the type. I've never met anyone like that. And they're gone. And I have no one left. Without my cats, I am utterly and completely alone. Angela, you still have your son. [Scoffs] I guess. Attention, everyone. May I have your attention? There are four new deadly weapons in this office. Basher, thrasher, crasher, and-- Smasher. "Smasher"? No. Where'd you get that? Fireball. Cut! This morning, after hours of combat with some of the city's best teenagers, I earned my black belt in goju ryu martial arts. I had to find a new dojo after Sensei Ira and I parted ways. My new sensei, Sensei Billy, thought I had more than enough training to take the test. Turns out Sensei Ira was a bit of a shyster. Sensei Billy says most students don't spend $150,000 over 20 years to get their black belt. I would like to invite you all to my black belt ceremony, right here in the office at lunch, lunch not provided. - Fireball! - Ahh! That's how it's done. That's pretty good. I feel safe. [Whispering] Hey, Erin. Is Andy in? Oh, is Andy in? Sorry, I-I thought you said "is Indian?" And I was like, "is Indian what?" [Chuckles] Is Indian food good? Is Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes to all three, by the way. Lately, I've been having a lot of trouble keeping track of Andy's calendar. His student film audition schedule is crazy hectic. Yes. There's Andy. Andy is in. I'm a good receptionist. I know he's in. David Walrus in his native habitat. [Laughs uncomfortably] Hey, Andy. Can we go in your office and talk? Yeah. This isn't gonna be an easy conversation. I told Andy that he was on very thin ice when he snuck away for three months to the Caribbean. Then last week, he used company money to buy a top-of-the-line photo printer. In his words, "the kind that's good for head shots." And yesterday, he asked me to pay for cheek implants. Claimed it's going to boost office morale. Now, he's a good guy. But honestly, at a certain point, the ice gets too thin, and you fall through. And that is when you get fired. - Andy. - I'm gonna stop you right there. David, this documentary is going to air in two weeks. I feel like it's a once in a lifetime opportunity to pursue my dream. Uh-huh. But-- Every minute that I spend here is time not spent making audition videos for reality dating, cooking, or singing shows. I got a real shot here. And I'll never be able to forgive myself if I blew it because I was too focused on my stupid paper company job. No offense. So you think you've been too focused on your job? At my last head shot sitting, I was so distracted wondering what I was missing at work that I came across totally manic. And I was going for zany. [Chuckles] So you-- you want to quit Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting? Well, no, actually. I see no reason to limit myself to just acting. I am pursuing fame of any kind. Could be singing. Could be dancing. I don't-- it just-- I owe it to myself and my future fans. Uh, well, I guess I can't stand in the way of a man's dream. And it seems like you have the gift. Thank you, David. There's probably no way I can talk you into staying at this point, huh? Nope. I have made up my mind. I'm really sorry. Well, good luck. Hey, thank you. Not gonna need it. - Okay. - [Chuckles] [Exhales] [Laughs] Well, that kind of worked out. I think just about anybody could be a star. My postman, the night janitor here-- but Andy? No, definitely not. Charisma black hole. Oh. Clark. I'm actually here today. Surprise. So I was wondering if maybe I could have my desk back. Right. Yeah. But, you know, I've actually been working pretty hard here on a daily basis. So I kind of feel like I've earned this. - I mean, you know? - You totally have. You have earned it. But maybe I could be with my wife. It's kind of the whole reason why I'm here. Right. Well, I'm here to sell paper. [Knocks on desk] - Burn. - Wow. All right, Jim, look. I just got made junior salesman. Right? And-- and Wallace is here today. And I don't want him to just think of me as a customer service rep that sits in the annex. I mean, you can get that, right? Right? And what do you need more face time with Wallace for? You trying to get a-- a second second job here? It's okay. You can sit in the annex. - What? - I'll come visit you. Okay. The annex it is. I'll be sitting at your desk, if that's okay with you. It's fine with me. Have fun. But be careful. It is very easy to get lost in Pete's beautiful, dead eyes. Everyone, a little breaking news for you. Just had a little chat with David Wallace. And, um, I'm taking a leave of absence from Dunder Mifflin forever. I can't say we didn't see it coming, but it's a sad day when anybody is fired. We're so sorry, Andy. Uh, uh, uh, uh, Andy was not fired. I wasn't fired. [Chuckling] What are you talking about? I'm fired up. Yes. Guys, I'm-- I'm leaving to pursue my lifelong dream of being famous. Oh, Andy. [All mumbling] Yeah, so I'll see you on the red carpet. [Solitary clapping, mumbling continues] 'Cause see, that's how it works. Andy sings beautifully, and he's really good at dancing. He's a good speaker. But there's just something there you don't want to look at. Hey, how am I doing it as your desk mate, by the way? You probably miss Clark. Yeah, a little bit. Oh, wow. But, um-- oh, I get that-- Oh, no, no. No, it's cool. - I get it. - It's cool, man. I'm sure you and I will have our own thing. Yeah. Definitely. Go Phillies, right? You don't watch baseball. I keep forgetting that. I just think you're going into this a little fast. I'm 38, Darryl. How much slower should I go? Show business is cold. Let's say you get a job, which you probably won't. They're not gonna cut you any slack. You're meant for a job with lots and lots of slack. [Chuckles] All right. I get it. The male is a funny species. We don't just tell each other how we feel. That's chick stuff. So instead of saying, "hey, Andy, I love you, man. I don't want you to leave," you say something like, "hey, Andy, you're making the worst mistake of your life. You're not talented." Well... right back at you, Darryl. [Sighs] I'm gonna miss you, too. Mmm! Andy's from the generation that thinks they should all be famous. What happened to the generation that knew you shut up, did your work, and died quietly from a heart attack? Could Andy make it as an entertainer? I don't know. You know who's really funny? This bird in the park that can't fly right. I'd pay to see him. But I don't have to, 'cause the park is free. - Hyuh! Hyah! - Hyuh! Hyah! I will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts. [Shouting] He will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts. It's not a large room. I think they heard me. Take my belt, master. I now submit to you every part of myself. That's really okay. I'm mostly focused on the belt here. Just slip it off my-- slip it off my hips. Hold it-- take a step back. Take a step back. [Sighs] Okay, okay, I can't-- I can't do this if you're gonna be thrusting like that, okay? I think we're gonna have to cut this off. He will now perform the ceremonial cutting off of the belt. He-- oh. [Sighs] Gah! Hyah! Dwight has been practicing karate for years. When we were dating, I would help him with his strength training. He would strap me to his chest in a Baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm. I felt like I was flying. There it is. [Applause] [Grunts] - Congratulations. - We did it, we did it. - I love you. - Okay. Thanks. [Clears throat] I will now perform my final kata forms. - You're going to watch me, right? - Yes, I will. [Shouting] - Sensei, you're not watching. - Yeah, I'm watching. Just do it. [Shouting] [Exhales] Ho! Ha! - Watching? - I'm watching. [Grunting] Watch this part, okay? Huh, gah! Gah! - Ha, ha, whoo. - Oh! Sensei, do you generally do house calls like this? Uh, you can just call me Billy. And no. No, but Dwight insisted. He wanted to receive his black belt in the place he loves most in the world. He said that? [Dwight continues karate shouts] - He's an odd guy, isn't he? - Yes. Irritating? Also yes. But I've got to hand it to him, he is one of the most tenacious and determined men I've ever met. Hyuah! Hah! Hut! [Exhales] Ha-- ah! Unh! Kyah! [Growls softly] Ha! Ahah! Aah! [Applause] Oh! I am so proud of you, schrooberry blue. [Laughter] I really felt like I almost lost her. And-- and nothing is worth that. Well, I tell you, Jim, a lot of guys in my circle? They wouldn't even change their golf schedule to shore up their marriage, let alone their professional goals. Dude, there is no way that Jim is just back here to "hang out with Pam." [Scoffs] You did not just say that. You don't know Pam. She is really cool. All I'm saying is, forget about my chair. He wants the manager's chair. And I thought you wanted that job. Yeah, I did. But I made too many mistakes. It's out of my reach now. Besides, I think Jim would be a fine manager. I'd be happy to see Jim as manager. So the reason I called you in here is because Andy is moving on. Again. Again. [Chuckles] And I'm looking for a new manager. And with his performance this year, I have been considering Dwight. Am I crazy? Not at all. It should be Dwight. [Sighs] You sure? You're going to want to invest in a lot more liability insurance, - but, uh... - Yeah. Hey, if there's someone who loves paper more than Dwight, I definitely don't want to meet that person. [Chuckles] [Sighs] Andy, we just wondered if we could have a word. It's now or never. Well, we just had a quick question about this decision of yours. You know, to leave a stable job and pursue a career in the entertainment business in your late 30s with no savings to fall back on and no real connections in that business, which can be competitive. Yeah, sure. What's your question? Our question is-- it seems dumb. Well, it's better than sticking around here and half-assing it, right? Of course. But what if you were to stay here, you know, and "full-ass" it? - Yeah. - Um, really give it a go? Be the greatest manager in the history of this branch and in that way, achieve the fame and immortality that you seek? Hmm? Nah. I like my plan better. Well, Andy, your plan sucks, okay? Nobody is going to hire you ever. You're too character-y to be a lead, and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor. What? No, I don't think he can make it as an actor. But he also can't make it as an employee in an office, so, you know, why not go nuts with it? Hey, are you still in charge of office supplies? Yes. Yeah. I seem to have a sticky note emergency, where I grab it on the wrong end, and then, this happens. Oh, boy, um-- If you could help me out, that would be-- - I could give you some beginner stickies? - Anything would help. Thank you. - Okay. Here you go. Oh, also, while you're at it, if you did have a salt packet, three tacks, and some aspirin, that'd be great. - Oh, wow. You have that. - Mm-hmm. - Wow, that's-- - It's all yours. - You come so prepared. - [Chuckles] Aspirin. If you want to get rid of a headache, you sit on something sharp. Any sensei will tell you that. Hey, congratulations on that black belt, man. It's really great. Thank you. So I saw you talking to Wallace earlier. Is he going to offer you the manager's job? No. He was maybe thinking of you for it. Yeah, right. I'm afraid that ship has sailed. I wouldn't be too sure about that. Just saying. [Whistling] [Whistling] - Hello. - Well, hello. Big day for you. - Big day for you. - Thank you. - Love the belt. - Oh, yes. You know, I don't know anything about karate, but I have broken a few boards in my day. Hi-yah. [Chuckles] Diving boards at my family pool in Redding. I was an obese child. I never talk about that here, but nard-dog's outta here, so letting' it all hang out. This is exciting. You're finally gonna get to go out and flap your wings. Thank you. I appreciate that. 'Cause a lot of people are saying I might not make it. Oh, I doubt you'll make it. Very few do who try to be a star. But listen, you've saved up enough money to take a couple of years off, and pursue your dream, and have some fun, right? No, I just applied for more overdraft protection. Andy, I have nothing to gain from getting you to stay, and everything to gain from you leaving. But please, I have known you for years. I have seen you perform. Dear God, don't quit your day job. [Cockney accent] Nothing is impossible to him who will try. Alexander the Great, if he were Cockney. You're bad. I'm gonna make it. Every person who's been on Conan has a crazy story about how they made it. Every person. Erin. Honest Erin. Cannot tell a lie. - Oh. - We lay together. That's something you can't take back. So true. Is there a question, or are-- what? Will you tell me bluntly? Do you think I'm making a terrible mistake quitting my job to become an actor? Bluntly? Yes. Huge mistake. Andy, honestly, I think you might become homeless or maybe even starve. Thank you. You can stay on as a salesman, Andy. Thank you. [Clears throat] Dwight, could you come in here for a second, please? - Say it again. - Will you be the new manager? Where? - Where? - What branch? Here. Scranton. Come on. Come on, Dwight. Get up. Let's go. It's good news. I'm sorry. I've just waited for this moment my entire life. I mean, I was interim manager once, but then I shot that gun. What? But this isn't interim manager. No. It's Dwight K. Schrute... Manager. Why do you already have this? In case Michael or Andy ever got killed in a traffic accident and there was a trade show on the same day. You will not regret this decision, David. I know. I will never, ever let you down. I know, Dwight. I know. [Laughs] Okay. Okay. All righty. You're gonna do great. - Hey. - Wow, hey. Hi. [Exhales] What's up? - Um, I have a question. - Okay. Oh, I had a question. Really? - I did! - Yeah, totally you did. Super important. I need you to stay right here while you think about it. - Okay. - All right? I'm gonna wait. All right. I did not come back here just to see you. No, I'm sure you did not. [Whispering] What was your question? I don't know, but it might take me a long time to figure it out. Well, then, I should figure out things to do while I'm waiting. Exactly. [Giggles] Hey, everybody. I changed my mind. Not leaving. I'm gonna stay on in sales. Oh, thank God... [Laughs] because sales could be your best role yet. Hey. Good choice, man. Seriously. Don't wanna see you in a porn next year. Okay. Ooh, there's a great play about a salesman. Death of a Salesman. I don't think so. Sure,Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller. It's a great play about crushed dreams. Mm, no, this one was written by Spongebob Squarepants. [Groans] Got any hot leads? See, so you just push from under, and turn it around, and boom. Now, the staple crimps outward. I had no idea. And here, I've been stapling the same way for 20 years like a frickin' sheep. - Look who's back. - I'm back. Oh! Hey, look, and now, it's like a double date. - Wow. - [Laughs] 'Cause, uh-- bop, bop. Tweedle-lee-doo. [Sighs] Actually, maybe we should go on a double date sometime. That'd be fun. Yeah, we should do that for real sometime. Well, how about Thursday? Oh, well, Thursday's tough because-- Weeknights are actually tough just because-- They are. That's true, yeah. Just forget it. [Giggles] - Forget I said anything. - Oh. Attention, everyone. Just a quick announcement. Little reconfiguration to the staff. - Dwight Schrute-- - David. Can I just do one thing while you're making this announcement? And then, I'll never, ever do it again. - I don't think so. - But it's just one thing. - Just let me-- let me do this-- - Dwight- - Dwight- - Dwight. Come on-- what I was about to say is Dwight-- [Cell phone vibrates] Oh. I-I'm sorry, I gotta-- this'll be a second, sorry. Just wait and send it to voice mail. Yeah. [Groans] Come on. Then we'll get him a new set of drums. Oh, my God. [Door closes] Oh, my God. [Groans] Dwight Schrute is manager! [Laughs] Oh, yeah! Whoo! [Laughs] Brava. Brava. - Way to go, Dwight. - Whoo! Creed Bratton is the new manager! Congrats. - What's going on? - Dwight's the new manager. He freaking did it. Congratulations, Dwight. Pam. Congratulations, buddy. Thank you, Jim. Congrats, Dwight. Get out of Jim's seat. Wha-- but I fought for this seat. You're an annex kid. You might be bullpen. We'll see. Give it a couple years. Scram. [Scoffs] [Sighs] It's nice to have you back. - So... - So... I wanted to offer you a new position. Let's hear it. Assistant regional manager. Nope. Can't accept that job. - It's not a real job. - Jim. I'll tell you what I could accept is assistant to the regional manager. That is a real job, and one I'd be proud to take. Shake on it? [Blows raspberry] Done. Way to negotiate, idiot. [Chuckles] Don't get me wrong. I am definitely here for Pam. But this is an awesome added bonus. So... all the numbers adding up? Hey, I didn't get a chance to say it, but... congratulations, Dwight. [Chuckles] Thank you. Ahem. Yes, congratulations. Yeah, and, Dwight, I'd like to be the first to say congratulations. This is a big day for you. Hmm. Yes, it is. Carry on. How did I just abandon my dream so quickly? It's 'cause I had a fallback. That's the problem. When you have fallbacks, it's just easy to give up. When Cortez landed in Mexico, only way he got his men to defeat the Aztecs was by burning all of his own boats so they could never return home. Huge dick move, but very effective. I need to be that same kind of dick to myself. Everyone! [Sighs] - Changed my mind again. - Which is it now? - Dream or no dream? - Uh, dream. Goin' with my dream. Gotta go all in. Ain't that right, Jim? Oh, don't look at me, 'cause I think you're making a terrible choice. All in! Whoo! Toby! Hey. I changed my mind again. I am gonna leave Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting after all. - Okay, then, Andy. - Yeah. But here's the thing. I can't have good old Dunder Mifflin to fall back on, or else I'll never succeed. Gotta burn those boats! So I need you to go into my file and put down that I was fired for theft and/or groping wieners. A-Andy, you know I can't do that. - It'd be lying. - Seriously? - Yeah, I'm-- - Come on, just do it. - I can't. - All right, fine. Just know that you made me do this. Oh, come on. Andy, no. God, Toby, don't-- stop blocking my hand. No, no. This is your-- you brought this on. No, no. Andy. Okay, all right. Groped you good. Off to Hollywood! [Sighs] [Phone rings] This is Angela. Oh. [Clears throat] Hello, Miss Polodnikovski. Uh, how can I help you? Did my rent check not clear? Because I just transferred another $25 to that account. So if there's a problem, it's clearly on your end. And-- oh. Oh. Oh, okay. Good. Then, um... [Clears throat] what is this about? No, no. Hey, hey. No, you are out of line, Miss Polodnikovski. No. No, you are. No, you are! Evicted? Fine! I don't want to live in that cesspool anyway. Listen, I get my security deposit back. Yes, I do. Ye-- That is not fair! That is not fair! Well, you know what? You have so many hairs on your chin, Animal Control should've taken you away. [Gasps] That is very unladylike. You are disgusting! [Hangs up phone] What do you think that was about? David. I lost the Scranton White Pages account. Do you have any idea how much paper that is? And I'd just like to point out I was mad at Dwight. I did it out of spite. We put the past behind us, though, Andy. When have I told you I hate you and this company? Enough, Andy. Enough! Just stop forgiving me, David. Please? This is my last chance to honor what is best inside myself. What if I took a dump on your new car? Oh, my God. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." [Bleep] I think she's right. - I feel calm now. - Get out! Get out! I feel, like, for the first time in a long time, I'm doing the right thing. - Andy. - Yeah. What are you doing? Uh, heavy stuff like books on the bottom. So it won't squash my knickety-knacks on top. Yeah, okay, that's not what I mean. [Sighs] You don't have to leave because you said you would. Don't let pride ruin your whole life. Okay? It's not worth it. Wow. Angela. What we had was great, and, honestly, I think about it a lot too... Ugh. But I just-- it's in the past. - And I feel like we shouldn't... - No, that's not-- - Rehash-- - No, none-- no, stop. It's just-- [Groans] - Exactly. - Okay. Well, have a good trip. Good luck, Andy. Thanks, Angela. You too. Thanks. A-bridge a-burnt. No turning back now. Everybody, Lorelei and I would like to say thank you and good-bye the only way we know how. - Oh, good lord. - Can't you just leave? You know, Andy, you could just say a really nice good-bye. Tuna, I'm a performer, and perform I shall. [Playing I Will Remember You] ♪ ♪ I will remember you ♪ ♪ Will you remember me? ♪ ♪ Don't let your life ♪ ♪ pass you by ♪ ♪ and weep not for the memories ♪ ♪ Remember all the good times ♪ ♪ that we had ♪ ♪ I let them slip away from us ♪ ♪ when things got bad ♪ ♪ How clearly I first saw you ♪ ♪ smiling' in the sun ♪ ♪ Want to feel your warmth upon me ♪ ♪ I wanna be the one ♪ ♪ I will remember you ♪ You okay? It's just a really nice song. ♪ Will you remember me? ♪ ♪ Don't let your life ♪ ♪ pass you by ♪ ♪ and weep not for the memories ♪ ♪ Don't let your life ♪ ♪ pass you by ♪ ♪ and weep not for the memories ♪ ♪ [Applause] Awesome. - [Groans] - Nice! - [Laughing] - Thanks, Meredith. - Mm. - Who knows? Maybe Andy will make it. - He's not terrible. - Yeah. And people worse than him make it all the time, like Lil' Romeo. No, he's good. Hewasgood. - Good night, Kevin. - Night, Oscar. Tents? Are you thinking of going camping? I thought you found nature vulgar. Well, I've changed my mind. [Whispering] Wait a minute, Angela. You're not thinking of living in a tent-- Oh, God, would you just mind your own business? Okay, listen. I'm just gonna say this. You are not going to live in a tent. - Oh, God. - Come stay with me. You don't want me at your place. I do. Yes. Not forever, but u-until you get back on your feet, which won't be long. It's the least I can do. Well... Separate bathrooms. [Exhales] Thank you. You're welcome. Let's go get Philip. - Then, we'll get your stuff... - Okay. And you get the hell out of that place. Okay. Are you allowed to have pets? Oh, Angela. Yesterday, I was just your average, ordinary paper salesman with a farm and a bunch of pipe dreams about beet fuel. Today, I leave here a regional manager with a black belt. Ah! It really is amazing how your life can change in one day. [Exhales] You talk to Wade and Colin? No, I just saw I missed their call. Why? What's up? We got an offer on the table. - What kind of offer? - A buyout. - What? - We're in play, baby. - Oh, my God. - We did it. - We did it! - Ah, ha, ha, ha, ho! Hey, and look. The buyers wanna make sure it's not just a Philly play. - Okay. - So get this. They're gonna pay for us to go pitch out west. We talking spurs, the jazz, cowboys. Blake Griffin, baby. - Wow, that is... - Yeah. - Wow. - We did it. - Yeah, we did it. - [Laughs] Hey, how long-- how long do we think that's gonna take? Wade said we could do the whole country in three months. Oh, man. Yeah, I can't do it. Can't do what? This, man. I-I can't do this to Pam. No, no. Jim, this is different. This is everything. [Chuckles] I know. And I-- and I can't do it. [Exhales] So is your place all bachelor, slobby, and gross? Nope, it's neat and tastefully appointed like most gay men's homes. The stereotype holds up. I wouldn't know. I never lived with a gay guy. Angela, you just were-- [Sobbing] I love him. - I know. - [Sobs] I understand more than most, but we both have to move on. You-- you can't-- c-- No, not the Senator. I love Dwight. JIM: I'm taking some time off from work... Well, my other work because we needed it. It's great. The phone's been ringing off the hook. The guys in Philly are kind of going nuts. But that doesn't matter. This does. It's the only thing that matters. We've had some really nice days together. Mmm-hmm. Nice morning, too. Beesly. Oh, my God. Hey- Which tie makes me look like a guy who likes sofas? My agent's putting me up for a furniture commercial. Ah. Definitely blue. Totally, right? So, Big Tuna, what's up? Back in the small pond? For now, yeah, yeah. I was just spreading myself way too thin... Thin-sliced Tuna. Carpaccio. Go on. Well, it took me a while. But I finally realized that I can't give 100% to two things at once, you know? Yeah. Tell me about it. I've been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time, I don't know if I'm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup. Huh. Well, you know, you can't have everything, so you gotta ask yourself what makes you the happiest. You just go all in for what's most important. That's my new thing. (SIGHS) ls everything okay? No. Everything is not okay. The county took my cats. Wait, all of them? Two sacks' worth. Apparently, my apartment complex has rules about how many pets are too many for a studio. And while I was out picking Phillip up from daycare, they came. They came into my house. That's awful, Angela. I'm so sorry. It's the (BLEEP) that lives downstairs. She's this uptight, judgmental shrew. You know the type. I've never met anyone like that. And they're gone. And I have no one left. Without my cats, lam utterly and completely alone. (SNIFFS) Angela, you still have your son. (SCOFFS) I guess. Attention, everyone. May I have your attention? There are four new deadly weapons in this office. Basher, thrasher, crasher and... Smasher. "Smasher"? No. Where'd you get that? Fireball! (SCREAMS) This morning, after hours of combat with some of the city's best teenagers, learned my black belt in Goju-Ryu martial arts. I had to find a new dojo after Sensei Ira and I parted ways. My new sensei, Sensei Billy, thought I had more than enough training to take the test. Turns out Sensei Ira was a bit of a shyster. Sensei Billy says most students don't spend $150,000 over 20 years to get their black belt. I would like to invite you all to my black belt ceremony, right here in the office at lunch. Lunch not provided. Fireball! (SCREAMS) (CLATTERING) That's how it's done. That's pretty good. I feel safe. Hey, Erin. ls Andy in? Oh! ls Andy in? Sorry, I thought you said, "ls Indian?" And I was like, "ls Indian what?" ls Indian food good? ls Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes to all three, by the way. Lately, I've been having a lot of trouble keeping track of Andy's calendar. His student film audition schedule is crazy hectic. Yes. There's Andy. Andy is in. I'm a good receptionist. I know he's in. David Walrus in his native habitat. (CHUCKLES) Hey, Andy. Can we go in your office and talk? Yeah. This isn't gonna be an easy conversation. I told Andy that he was on very thin ice when he snuck away for three months to the Caribbean. Then last week, he used company money to buy a top-of-the-line photo printer. In his words, "The kind that's good for headshots." And yesterday, he asked me to pay for cheek implants. Claimed it's going to boost office morale. Now, he's a good guy. But honestly, at a certain point, the ice gets too thin, and you fall through. And that is when you get fired. Andy... I'm gonna stop you right there. David, this documentary is going to air in two weeks. I feel like it's a once in a lifetime opportunity to pursue my dream. Uh-huh. But... Every minute that I spend here is time not spent making audition videos for reality dating, cooking or singing shows. I got a real shot here. And I'll never be able to forgive myself if I blew it because I was too focused on my stupid paper companyjob. No offense. So you think you've been too focused on your job? At my last headshotsfifing, I was so distracted wondering what I was missing at work that I came across totally manic. And I was going for zany. So you want to quit Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting? Well, no, actually. I see no reason to limit myself to just acting. I am pursuing fame of any kind. Could be singing. Could be dancing. I don't... Itjust... I owe it to myself and my future fans. Well, I guess I can't stand in the way of a man's dream. And it seems like you have the gift. Thank you, David. There's probably no way I can talk you into staying at this point, huh? Nope.lhave made up my mind. I'm really sorry. Well, good luck. Hey, thank you. Not gonna need it. Okay- (EXHALES) Well, that kind of worked out. I think just about anybody can be a star. My postman, the nightjanitor here... But Andy? No, definitely not. Charisma black hole. Oh! Clark. I'm actually here today. Surprise. So I was wondering if maybe I could have my desk back. Right. Yeah. But, you know, I've actually been working pretty hard here on a daily basis. So, I kind of feel like I've earned this. I mean, you know? You totally have. You have earned it. But maybe I could be with my wife. (WHISPERS) It's kind of the whole reason why I'm here. Right. Well, I'm here to sell paper. DWIGHT: Burn. PAM: Wow. All right, Jim, look. I just got made junior salesman. Right? And Wallace is here today. And I don't want him to just think of me as a customer service rep that sits in the annex. I mean, you can get that, right? Right? And what do you need more face time with Wallace for? You trying to get a second second job here? It's okay. You can sit in the annex. What? I'll come visit you. Okay- The annex it is. I'll be sitting at your desk, if that's okay with you. It's fine with me. Have fun. But be careful. It is very easy to get lost in Pete's beautiful, dead eyes. Everyone, a little breaking news for you. (CHUCKLES) Just had a little chat with David Wallace. And I'm taking a leave of absence from Dunder Mifflin forever. I can't say we didn't see it coming, but it's a sad day when anybody is fired. We're so sorry, Andy... DAVID: Uh-uh-uh. Andy was not fired. ANDY: I wasn't fired. What are you talking about? (LAUGHS) I'm fired up. Yes. Guys, I'm leaving to pursue my lifelong dream of being famous. On, Andy. Yeah, so I'll see you on the red carpet. 'Cause see, that's how it works. Andy sings beautifully, and he's really good at dancing. He's a good speaker. But there's just something there you don't want to look at. Hey, how am I doing as your desk mate, by the way? You probably miss Clark. Yeah, a little bit. Wow. But, um... I get that... No, no. No, it's cool. I get it. It's cool, man. I'm sure you and I will have our own thing. Yeah. Definitely. Go Phillies, right? You don't watch baseball. I keep forgetting that. I just think you're going into this a little fast. I'm 38, Darryl. How much slower should I go? Show business is cold. Let's say you get a job, which you probably won't. They're not gonna cut you any slack. You're meant for a job with lots and lots of slack. All right. I get it. The male is a funny species. We don't just tell each other how we feel. That's chick stuff. So instead of saying, "Hey, Andy, I love you, man. "I don't want you to leave," you say something like, "Hey, Andy, you're making the worst mistake of your life. "You're not talented." Well... Right back at you, Darryl. (GRUNTS) I'm gonna miss you, too. Andy's from the generation that thinks they should all be famous. What happened to the generation that knew you shut up, did your work and died quietly from a heart attack? Could Andy make it as an entertainer? I don't know. You know who's really funny? This bird in the park that can't fly right. I'd pay to see him. But I don't have to, 'cause the park is free. (BOTH GRUNT) I will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts. He will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts. It's not a large room. I think they heard me. Take my belt, Master. I now submit to you every part of myself. That's really okay. I'm mostly focused on the belt here. Just slip it off my... Slip it off my hips. Hold it... Take a step back. Take a step back. Okay, okay, I can't... I can't do this if you're gonna be thrusting like that, okay? I think we're gonna have to cut this off. He will now perform the ceremonial cutting off of the belt. He... (SIGHS) (YELLING) Dwight has been practicing karate for years. When we were dating, I would help him with his strength training. He would strap me to his chest in a Baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm. I felt like I was flying. There it is. Congratulations. Good job. We did it, we did it. I love you. Okay. Thanks. (CLEARS T HRO AT) I will now perform my final kata forms. You're going to watch me, right? Yes, I will. (CLEARS T HRO AT) (SCREAMS) Sensei, you're not watching. Yeah, I'm watching. Just do it. Ha! Ha! Watching? I'm watching. Watch this part, okay? (GRUNTING AND YELLING) Oh. Oh! Sensei, do you generally do house calls like this? You can just call me Billy. And no. No, but Dwight insisted. He wanted to receive his black belt in the place he loves most in the world. He said that? He's an odd guy, isn't he? Yes. Irritating? Also yes. But I've got to hand it to him, he is one of the most tenacious and determined men I've ever met. I am so proud of you, Schruberry blue. (BOTH KISSING AND LAUGHING) I really felt like I almost lost her. And nothing is worth that. Boy, I tell you, Jim, a lot of guys in my circle, they wouldn't even change their golf schedule to shore up their marriage, let alone their professional goals. Dude, there is no way that Jim is just back here to "hang out with Pam." Oh! You did not just say that. You don't know Pam. She is really cool. All I'm saying is, forget about my chair. He wants the manager's chair. And I thought you wanted that job. Yeah, I did. But I made too many mistakes. It's out of my reach now. Besides, I think Jim would be a fine manager. I'd be happy to see Jim as manager. So the reason I called you in here is because Andy is moving on. Again. And I'm looking for a new manager. And with his performance this year, I have been considering Dwight. Am I crazy? Not at all. It should be Dwight. (SIGHS) You sure? You're going to want to invest in a lot more liability insurance, but... Yeah. Hey, if there's someone who loves paper more than Dwight, I definitely don't want to meet that person. (LAUGHS) (SIGHS) Andy, we just wondered if we could have a word. It's now or never. Well, we just had a quick question about this decision of yours. You know, to leave a stable job and pursue a career in the entertainment business in your late 30s with no savings to fall back on and no real connections in that business, which can be competitive. Yeah, sure. What's your question? Our question is... it seems dumb. Well, it's better than sticking around here and half-assing it, right? Of course. But what if you were to stay here, you know, and "full-ass" it? Yeah. Really give it a go? Be the greatest manager in the history of this branch and in that way, achieve the fame and immortality that you seek? Mmm? No, I like my plan better. Well, Andy, your plan sucks, okay? Nobody is going to hire you ever. You're too character-y to be a lead, and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor. What? No, I don't think he can make it as an actor. But he also can't make it as an employee in an office, so, you know, why not go nuts with it? (WHISPERS) Hey, are you still in charge of office supplies? Yes. Yeah. You are? I seem to have a sticky note emergency, where I grab it on the wrong end, and then, this happens. Oh, boy, um... If you could help me out, that would be... I could give you some beginner stickies. Anything would help. Thank you. Okay. Here you go. Also, while you're at it, if you did have a salt packet, three tacks and some aspirin, that'd be great. Wow. You have that. Mmm-hmm. Wow, that's... It's all yours. You come so prepared. DWIGHT: Aspirin. If you want to get rid of a headache, you sit on something sharp. Any sensei will tell you that. Hey, congratulations on that black belt, man. It's really great. Thank you. So I saw you talking to Wallace earlier. Is he going to offer you the manager's job? No. He was maybe thinking of you for it. Yeah, right. I'm afraid that ship has sailed. I wouldn't be too sure about that. Just saying. (WHISTLING) Hello. Well, hello. Big day for you. Big day for you. Thank you. Love the belt. Yes. You know, I don't know anything about karate, but I have broken a few boards in my day. Hiya! Diving boards at my family pool in Redding. I was an obese child. I never talk about that here, but Nard-Dog's outta here, so letting' it all hang out. This is exciting. You're finally gonna get to go out and flap your wings. Thank you. I appreciate that. 'Cause a lot of people are saying I might not make it. I doubt you'll make it. Very few do who try to be a star. But listen, you've saved up enough money to take a couple of years off, and pursue your dream and have some fun, right? No, I just applied for more overdraft protection. Andy, I have nothing to gain from getting you to stay, and everything to gain from you leaving. But please, I have known you for years. I have seen you perform. Dear God, don't quit your dayjob. (WITH COCKNEY ACCENT) Nothing is impossible to him who will try. (NORMAL VOICE) Alexander the Great, if he were Cockney. You're bad. I'm gonna make it. Every person who's been on Conan has a crazy story about how they made it. Every person. Erin. Honest Erin. Cannot tell a lie. We lay together. That's something you can't take back. So true. Is there a question, or are... What? Will you tell me bluntly, do you think I'm making a terrible mistake quitting my job to become an actor? Bluntly? Yes. Huge mistake. Andy, honestly, I think you might become homeless or maybe even starve. Thank you. You can stay on as a salesman, Andy. Thank you. (CLEARS T HRO AT) Dwight, could you come in here for a second, please? (WHISPERS) Say it again. Will you be the new manager? Where? Where? What branch? Here. Scranton. Come on. Come on, Dwight. Get up. Let's go. It's good news. I'm sorry. I've just waited for this moment my entire life. I mean, I was interim manager once, but then I shot that gun. What? But this isn't interim manager. No. It's Dwight K. Schrute... Manager. Why do you already have this? In case Michael or Andy ever got killed in a traffic accident and there was a trade show on the same day. You will not regret this decision, David. I know. (WHISPERS) I will never, ever let you down. I know, Dwight. I know. Okay- Okay. All right. You're gonna do great. (SOBBING) Hey. Wow, hey. Hi. (SIGHS) What's up? I have a question. Okay- I had a question. Really? I did! Yeah, totally you did. Super important. I need you to stay right here while you think about it. Okay. All right? I'm gonna wait. PAM: All right. I did not come back here just to see you. JIM: No, I'm sure you did not. (WHISPERS) What was yourquesflon? I don't know, but it might take me a long time to figure it out. Well, then, I should figure out things to do while I'm waiting. Exactly. Hey, everybody. I changed my mind. Not leaving. I'm gonna stay on in sales. Oh! Thank God... Because sales could be your best role yet. Hey. Good choice, man. Seriously. Don't wanna see you in a porn next year. Okay- Ooh! There's a great play about a salesman. Death of a Salesman. I don't think so. Sure, Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller. It's a great play about crushed dreams. KEVIN: Mmm. No, this one was written by SpongeBob SquarePants. (GRUNTS) Got any hot leads? See, so you just push from under and turn it around, and boom. Now, the staple crimps outward. I had no idea. And here, I've been stapling the same way for 20 years like a frickin' sheep. Look who's back. I'm back. Hey, look, and now, it's like a double date. Wow. 'Cause... Bup-bup! Widdle- de-doo. Actually, maybe we should go on a double date sometime. That'd be fun. Yeah, we should do that for real sometime. Well, how about Thursday? Well, Thursday's tough because". Weeknights are actually tough just because... They are. That's true, yeah. Just forget it. Forget I said anything. (MOUTHING) What? Attention, everyone. Just a quick announcement. Little reconfiguration to the staff. Dwight Schrute... David. Can I just do one thing while you're making this announcement? And then, I'll never, ever do it again. I don't think so. But it's just one thing. Just let me... Let me do this... Dwight... Dwight... Come on... What I was about to say is Dwight... (PHONE VIBRATING) I'm sorry, I gotta... This'll be a second, sorry. Just wait and send it to voice mail. Yeah. Uh... Come on. DAVID: Then we'll get him a new set of drums. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Dwight Schrute is manager! (DWIGHT LAUGHS) Yeah! B rava. B rava. PHYLLIS: Way to go, Dwight. Whoo! Creed Bratton is the new manager! Congrats. What's going on? Dwight's the new manager. He freaking did it. Congratulations, Dwight. Pam. Congratulations, buddy. Thank you, Jim. CLARK: Congrats, Dwight. Get out of Jim's seat. But I fought for this seat. You're an annex kid. You might be bullpen. We'll see. Give it a couple years. Scram. (SIGHS) (SIGHS) It's nice to have you back. So... So... I wanted to offer you a new position. Let's hear it. Assistant regional manager. Nope. Can't accept that job. It's not a real job. Jim. I'll tell you what I could accept is assistant to the regional manager. That is a real job, and one I'd be proud to take. Shake on it? Done. Way to negotiate, idiot. Don't get me wrong. lam definitely here for Pam. But this is an awesome added bonus. So, all the numbers adding up? Hey, I didn't get a chance to say it, but, congratulations, Dwight. Thank you. Yes, congratulations. Yeah, and, Dwight, I'd like to be the first to say congratulations. This is a big day for you. Hmm. Yes, it is. Carry on. How did I just abandon my dream so quickly? It's 'cause I had a fallback. That's the problem. When you have fallbacks, it's just easy to give up. When Cortés landed in Mexico, only way he got his men to defeat the Aztecs was by burning all of his own boats so they could never return home. Huge dick move, but very effective. I need to be that same kind of dick to myself. Everyone! Changed my mind again. Which is it now? Dream or no dream? Uh, dream. Goin' with my dream. Gotta go all in. Ain't that right, Jim? Oh. Don't look at me, 'cause I think you're making a terrible choice. All in! Whoo! ANDY: Toby! Hey. I changed my mind again. I am gonna leave Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting after all. Okay, then, Andy. Yeah. But here's the thing. I can't have good old Dunder Mifflin to fall back on, or else I'll never succeed. Gotta burn those boats! So I need you to go into my file and put down that I was fired for theft and/or groping wieners. Andy, you know I can't do that. It'd be lying. Seriously? Yeah, I'm... Come on, just do it. I can't. All right, fine. Just know that you made me do this. Come on. Andy, no. God, Toby, don't... Stop blocking my hand. No, no. This is your... You brought this on. No, no. Andy. Okay, all right. Groped you good. Off to Hollywood! (SIGHS) (PHONE RINGS) This is Angela. (CLEARS THROAT) Hello, Miss Polodnikovski. How can I help you? Did my rent check not clear? Because I just transferred another $25 to that account. So if there's a problem, it's clearly on your end. And... Oh. Oh! Oh, okay. Good. Then what is this about? No, no. Hey, hey. No, you are out of line, Miss Polodnikovski. No. No, you are. No, you are! Evicted? Fine! I don't want to live in that cesspool anyway. (BANGS DESK) Listen, I get my security deposit back. Yes, I do. That is not fair! That is not fair! Well, you know what? You have so many hairs on your chin, Animal Control should've taken you away. (GASPS) That is very unladylike. You are disgusting! (BANGS PHONE) What do you think that was about? David. I lost the Scranton White Pages account. Do you have any idea how much paper that is? And I'd just like to point out I was mad at Dwight. I did it out of spite. We put the past behind us, though, Andy. What if I told you I hate you and this company? Enough, Andy. Enough! Just stop forgiving me, David. Please? (SIGHS) This is my last chance to honor what is best inside myself. What if I took a dump on your new car? Oh, my God. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." (BLEEPS) I think she's right. I feel calm now. Get out! I feel like for the first time in a long time, I'm doing the right thing. Andy. Yeah. What are you doing? Heavy stuff like books on the bottom. So I don't squash my knickety-knacks on top. Yeah, okay, that's not what I mean. (SIGHS) You don't have to leave because you said you would. Don't let pride ruin your whole life. Okay? It's not worth it. Wow! Angela. What we had was great, and, honestly, I think about it a lot, too. Ugh. But I just... It's in the past. And I feel like we shouldn't... No, that's not rehash... No, none... No, stop. It's just... Exactly. Okay. Well, have a good trip. Good luck, Andy. Thanks, Angela. You, too. Thanks. A bridge a-burnt. No turning back now. Everybody, Lorelei and I would like to say thank you and good-bye the only way we know how. Good lord. Can't you just leave? You know, Andy, you could just say a really nice good-bye. Tuna, I'm a performer, and perform I shall. (AN DY PLAYING GUITAR) (SINGING) You Okay? It's just a really nice song. Awesome. (GROANS) Nice! Thanks, Meredith. PHYLLIS: Who knows? Maybe Andy will make it. He's not terrible. STANLEY'. Yeah. And people worse than him make it all the time, like Lil' Romeo. No, he's good. He was good. (EXHALES) Good night, Kevin. Night, Oscar. Tents? Are you thinking of going camping? I thought you found nature vulgar. Well, I've changed my mind. (WHISPERS) Wait a minute, Angela. You're not thinking of living in a tent... God, would you just mind your own business? Okay, listen. I'm just gonna say this. You are not going to live in a tent. Oh, God. Come stay with me. You don't want me at your place. I do. Yes. Not forever, but until you get back on your feet, which won't be long. It's the least I can do. Well... Separate bathrooms. Thank you. You're welcome. Let's go get Phillip. Then, we'll get your stuff... Okay- And you get the hell out of that place. Okay- Are you allowed to have pets? Oh, Angela. Yesterday, I was just your average, ordinary paper salesman with a farm and a bunch of pipe dreams about beet fuel. Today, I leave here a regional manager with a black belt. (LOUD BANG) It really is amazing how your life can change in one day. You talk to Wade and Colin? No, I just saw I missed their call. Why? What's up? We got an offer on the table. What kind of offer? A buyout. What? We're in play, baby. Oh, my God. We did it. We did it! Hey, and look. The buyers wanna make sure it's not just a Philly play. Okay. So get this. They're gonna pay for us to go pitch out west. We're talking Spurs, the Jazz, Cowboys. Blake Griffin, baby. Wow, that is... Yeah. Wow. We did it. Yeah, we did it. Hey, how long do they think that's gonna take? Wade said we could do the whole country in three months. Oh, man. Yeah, I can't do it. Can't do what? This, man. I can't do this to Pam. No, no. Jim, this is different. This is everything. I know. And I can't do it. (EXHALES) So is your place all bachelor, slobby and gross? Nope, it's neat and tastefully appointed, like most gay men's homes. The stereotype holds up. I wouldn't know. lneverhved with a gay guy. Angela, you just were... I love him. I know. I understand more than most, but we both have to move on. You can't... No, not the Senator. I love Dwight. (SOBS) I'm getting married! Yeah. Take one of my face. We've got loads of your face. Shall we get one with your dad? Take one of my face or I'll cry. OK. This is Lee. He used to go out with Becky. We were together four and a half years. So, Laura's just told me... She said you were pregnant. But I'm not supposed to tell Steve. - Is that right? Just want you to know I'm here for you, Becks. It's got nothing to do with you. Hi. I'll leave you to it. What did he want? Nothing. You have both made the declarations required by law and have made a solemn and binding contract with each other in the presence of your witnesses and guests. It gives me great pleasure to pronounce you, husband and wife. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE LOUD CHATTER GLASS TINKLES Is this on? Yep. Ha-ha. Right, then. Hello, ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Paul and Laura's wedding! CHEERING I'm Lee. I'm your Master of Ceremonies for this afternoon. And do we have some speakers for you! CHEERING All right. Calm down! Erm... We'll start off in a minute with everyone's favourite old aged pensioner, Laura's dad Nigel. Watch it. And then we'll hear from the groom himself, Mr Paul Parker. CHEERING And then last and by all means least... the best man's speech from Steve. APPLAUSE But first, Laura's prepared a little something she'd like to kick things off with. Laura... SHE CLEARS THROAT CAMERAS CLICKING ♪ Amazing grace ♪ How sweet the sound ♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪ I once was lost ♪ But now I'm found ♪ Was blind but now I see. ♪ CHEERING Let's hear it for the lovely Laura. Well done. Shut up. Now please put your hands together and make some noise for... the father of the bride, Nigel! CHEERING HE CLEARS THROAT Hello, can you hear me? DISTORTION FEEDBACK ALL: Yes! Is that better? ALL: Yes. Hello, I'm Nigel and I'm the father of the bride. WOLF WHISTLE LAUGHTER Welcome to the wedding of Laura and Paul - whether you're friends, family or freeloaders - loved ones or loathed ones... people we like or people we had to invite. LAUGHTER Whether you're here for a free meal and a free drink, people who wouldn't have missed this special day or people who had nothing better to do. LAUGHTER Whether you've brought a present... or not - you're all welcome. HE WHOOPS HE LAUGHS But joking aside, I know some of you have come a long way to be with us today. We have the Clarkes here, Jill's cousin and her family, who've come from Nottingham. Where are you? Give us a wave? Over here. And we have Richard and Mary, old, old friends from way back, who've come all the way from Worcester. Where are you? There you are. Hello. And, of course, we have our Lee, Lee Roberts, who you've all met. Lee used to go out with Becky, didn't he? Yep. And he's just got back from Afghanistan, where he was supporting our troops. Lee, stand up mate so we can all see you. CHEERING We're all so proud of you, mate. Thank God you're better at being a TA than you are at ten-pin bowling. That's below the belt! LAUGHTER But seriously... Thank you all for making the journey to be here with us today. So now, uh... I'm now going to tell you a bit about my daughter, Laura. Laura was a lovely baby. I remember she started screaming as soon as she came out of Jill's womb... LAUGHTER ..and from what I used to hear when she had boyfriends round, she hasn't stopped screaming since! LAUGHTER She was always alert as a baby, always looking around her, always reaching out for something to play with or suck on - and from what I used to hear when she had boyfriends round... she still does. LAUGHTER I remember the doctors were very worried about her when she was born. She was very ill and I watched as they took her temperature with a thermometer, first in the mouth and then in the anus. And from what I used to hear when she had boyfriends round... LAUGHTER Laura was a truly wonderful child. I remember watching her lying there, naked, dribbling and crying... I think you should stop drinking. I think you should fuck off and die. ...vomit down her front, her legs in the air, waiting for someone to pick her up - and that was just her 18th birthday party! LAUGHTER But joking aside, Laura is a great daughter. You're never bored when Laura's around. She lights up every room she enters. She knows how to have fun and boy does she have it. She's a high achiever. She's got five As, three Bs and a C at GCSE and an A and two Bs at A-Level - they're the best results our family has ever seen and we're all very proud of her indeed. She gained a place at Loughborough University to study Psychology but, having just met her Paul, she chose instead to stay at home and concentrated on her singing career. She's a prolific diary keeper. She passed her driving test first time. She had a letter read out on Points Of View when she was just eight years old. And she sang in the chorus for her school production of Little Shop Of Horrors. But her most important role is as a mother to Bernadette and what an excellent mother she is. I think we can all agree Laura looks gorgeous today, as she does every day because she takes after her father. You wish! LAUGHTER Now then. Paul... How do you solve a problem like Paul? LAUGHTER It's like that TV show - How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria. Yes, it is, isn't it? Like most girls these days, Laura has been through all different types of men, young and not so young, all shapes and sizes, all colours of the rainbow, there was a black lad, there was a brown lad, there was a yellow lad, there was a couple of Jews, a fella in a turban. She's kissed many a frog, but in Paul she's found her prince. LAUGHTER Paul's a good, honest man with a heart of gold and a wicked sense of humour. And I think we could all see during the ceremony just how much our Laura means to Paul. ALL: Aww! It is at this point in a father- of-the-bride speech that I am expected to offer some advice to the newlyweds. I mean, what kind of advice can I give? Look at the state of my marriage! Dad... No, I'm only joking. Jill's a great woman who's still got a great figure. Or she does once you get the cobwebs off it. LAUGHTER She's actually had to go back to bed cos she had quite a lot to drink last night, didn't she! ? So... HE CLEARS THROAT ...Paul and Laura, I'll give you this piece of advice that my father gave to me. This'll be good. When you're going out in the evening, tell her that you'll be back an hour later than you plan to be. Then, when you're back at the time you were going to be back at anyway, she'll think you've come back an hour early just to be with her. That way, you're happy, she's happy and she'll be more inclined to do things for you, both sexually and non-sexually. EMBARRASSED COUGHS Today is a day that will stay with me forever. I'll never forget walking my lovely Laura up the aisle. Your dad's a legend. Yeah... Amazing. I'll never forget this wonderful meal we've had today and the joy of having everyone together. But most of all, I'll never forget how much it cost. LAUGHTER Though I should say, most of the cost of today has been paid for by Laura and Paul - or should I say by their plastic friends Mr Barclaycard, Mr Capital One, Mr Amex and Mr Virgin Money. LAUGHTER So, all's that left for me to say is. - One down, one to go. LAUGHTER Worse things have happened to me than my daughter getting engaged to Steve - though I can't think of any right now. LAUGHTER He's doing the best man's speech so that'll be interesting. I think we're all looking forward to that! LAUGHTER But anyway... Without further ado, would you all, please charge your glasses and be upstanding for a toast to the happy couple - Mr and Mrs Parker! ALL: Mr and Mrs Parker! Thank you Nigel! Great speech. And, just a point of order - last time we went bowling, I got a strike on every go, so have that, old timer! LAUGHTER OK. So. Not long now till that much anticipated speech from the best man Steve. But before that, next up we have a speech from the man himself, it's the groom, everyone's favourite stationery salesman, the one and only, Mr Paul Parker! CHEERING Don't fuck it up, you perv. You're a bald, fucking cocksucker. Paul! (This should be interesting.) On behalf of my wife and I... CHEERING On behalf of my wife and I... Excuse me. ...I'd like to thank you all for coming. It's been a very wonderful occasion and Laura and I feel very fortunate to see so many familiar faces on this our special day. QUIET APPLAUSE On behalf of Laura and I, I'd like to thank you all for coming. I know some of you have come a long way - Laura's mum's cousin and her family have come all the way from Nottingham. We've got some people from Worcester. And Lee's come from Afghanistan. Thank you for coming - I hope you're all enjoying the day as much as we are. I'd like to thank you all for coming and for your generous gifts. I can assure you we will cherish them in our hearts for years to come. On behalf of Laura and I, I'd like to thank Kieran and my little Lukey for being the ring bearer and the page boy. Where are they? They're with Shelly. I think they had one too many sweets...! LAUGHTER I'd like to thank Laura's Auntie Sue for making the delicious cake. It truly is a mouth-watering cake and we really couldn't have hoped for anything more. Do we have a present for her? You know we fucking do. LAUGHTER We haven't been married five minutes and she's already bossing me about! LAUGHTER Just give her the fucking present. Sue, if you'd like to come forward, we've got you a present. Give your wife a kiss, Paul. It's impossible to thank everyone but you know who you are. Show my mum. Is it Laura? You're all a part of this our special day. When you fall in love with someone, it's like your heart has been set on fire. You get all hot and you say weird stuff and you do these mad things. It's like you've discovered this side of yourself that you can only see because you've been lit by the light of love. Love is like a delicious cake. You try a bit of the icing and it's nice so you cut yourself a slice and have a bite and it's even nicer and you end up eating the whole thing and licking the cream off your fingers. Being in love is like giving the keys of your car to some drunk person and letting him drive you round. Trying to fall out of love with someone is like trying to change the colour of your skin. It hurts. And if it doesn't hurt it isn't love. HE SNIFFS So, I'd like to thank Laura for organising the day. It's been great. The dress is great and you look great in it and you're a great mum to Bernadette. I'd like to thank my adopted parents, John and Anne. SHE SIGHS Unfortunately they're unable to be with us today because they're visiting their biological son in Australia. Thank you for everything you've done for me. You've always been there to look after me through the hard times, like when Nan died, or when I was accused of murder or when Luke was ill. I owe you everything and I'm very sorry for trashing your house. I'd also like to thank my biological brother, Ian... Half-brother. And my biological mother, Judith. Unfortunately, she also couldn't make it today because she had an emergency, didn't she? Yes. I'd like to thank my beautiful daughter Bernadette. You're a little bundle of joy. You're the apple of my eye and when you smile you make the whole world smile with you. And without further ado, I'd like to propose a toast. To my fantastic wife, Laura. ALL: Laura! Thank you, Paul! Absolutely incredible, I think we can all agree. Was that about him? So now it's time for the one we've all been waiting for. It was, wasn't it? It was all about today and if you've not met him yet, I can tell you, it's an experience. LAUGHTER Answer me, you fucking faggot! This is the man who proposed to Becky in his flat and served his future in-laws a dish called spaghetti nuggets. LAUGHTER Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the best man - Steve! CHEERING I'm going to tell everyone you're a faggot. Don't you fucking dare. Don't fucking threaten me. Ladies... Ladies, gentlemen... and Paul. LAUGHTER Friends, family... and those just here for a free feed. For those of you who don't know me... lucky you. I'm Steve, the best man and I have the dubious pleasure of being engaged to Laura's sister Rebecca. LAUGHTER Now. They say a best man's speech should be short and make you laugh - which, by coincidence, is exactly how Laura describes a certain part of Paul's body. LAUGHTER No, I'm joking. As anyone who knows Paul knows, it's gigantic. LAUGHTER So, yes... If there's something we can all agree on, it's that Paul is well-endowed. In fact, Paul's member is so big that when there was a hosepipe ban, Paul got arrested for doing a wee. LAUGHTER As I'm sure you can tell, this speech is going to be so funny your jaws will ache from laughing- unlike poor old Laura tonight, because having such a well-endowed husband, her jaw will ache from something else entirely. ISOLATED LAUGHTER Maybe that was a bit blue? Sorry. Anyway, all the wedding websites say "don't forget to say how "beautiful the bride looks." And how could I forget when she looks as fabulous as Laura does today? A round of applause for how great Laura looks. WHOOPING You look really beautiful, Laura, I must say - it just makes all us blokes wonder how someone who looks like Paul managed to get so lucky. LAUGHTER But seriously, it's been a great day, thank you all for coming. You've all made Laura and Paul's day as special as the school Paul got sent to when he torched his teacher's car. ISOLATED LAUGHTER So, let me be the first to say, congratulations to you both on your, on your wedding. Erm... Thanks. OK. From the ushers, who managed to turn up sober - for once! I said to Keith that I wanted him to come to the wedding as an usher. Unfortunately, he misheard me this morning and he turned up as the singer Usher. Luckily we had a spare suit and he changed into what he's wearing now. That never happened. It's a joke, Keith. Of course I didn't turn up as fucking Usher! I think that's rather the crux of the joke. Thanks also to the bridesmaids, including me beautiful fiancee Rebecca who doesn't normally wear make-up, in fact, I haven't seen her with this much gunk on her face since... Erm... Are you all right with that? OK. Don't worry. This is going to get better now because now we move on to the stag do...! Unfortunately, I did organise the stag do... If you've sucked someone off on the stag do I will never forgive you. ...but I was unable to attend myself because of a sudden illness but I... Shall we pop outside? Yep. This is completely inappropriate. Unfortunately, I did organise the stag do but I was unable to attend, myself, because of a sudden illness. But I managed to get some information off of Paul's half-brother Ian. What did you tell him? Nothing. I won't go into the details but here are some of Paul's stag highlights - courtesy of Ian. They wrapped Paul in cling film and tied him to a lamp post and left him there all night. They spiked Paul's drinks with laxatives. After paintballing, a few of them ended up in AE where one of the stag party, who shall remain nameless Keith, got into a fight with a guy in a wheelchair. He was annoying me. They made some children cry. They broke into a dentist's in the middle of the night. They killed a dog. And they hired a-a fat stripper. Ha. That all seemed funnier on paper. Sorry. I thought you said you went to a railway museum. Like you went to a fucking wildlife sanctuary. Erm. Right, so that's the stag do. Er, um... I just put some thoughts in an e-mail. I didn't expect him to use them. So. OK. You'll like this bit. Paul is known to his friends by many different names - Faggot. What? ! He's known as Dopey, Nailer, The Baguette, Parky, Baldy, Mr Ugly... Mr Ugly? Yep. The Creep. The Tripod. Uncle Fester. Mr Dick. The Forehead. What do you mean, "Mr Ugly"? Alfred... Sloth from the Goonies and The Granny-Guzzler. Who calls me Mr Ugly? Now, anyone who knows Paul knows he works in Ryman's. Can we get a cheer from the Ryman's gang? MUTED APPLAUSE But other jobs you may not know Paul's had include... barman, park supervisor, rent boy and bin man. If you've given me AIDS, I'm going to fucking kill you. Only one of those is a joke. Paul's never worked in a park. I'm going to ruin you! PAUL LAUGHS Laura, be a bit quieter yeah? I am being quiet, Becks. Carry on, Steve. OK. My fiancee Rebecca tells me that the first time Paul and Laura made love... Not that. Right. But seriously, Paul is a great bloke. I'm going to stand up and I'm going to tell everyone what you've done with that faggot and you'll never be allowed to see Luke alone and they'll sack you from Ryman's and your biological mother will abandon you again because you're a gay, little AIDSY fuck and you disgust me. Yeah? Well what's everyone going to think about you for marrying me? ...or, for that matter, her mum's brains! LAURA SOBS Leave her. She'll be all right. MURMURING Shall I wait for her to come back? No, Steve. Just cut to the end, mate. Well, that's it from me. Thank you for having me as your best man, Paul. I hope I've passed the audition and maybe you'll have me as best man at your next wedding. Sorry about this... I'm not very used to public speaking, so... You could've fooled me! LAUGHTER In conclusion then, a wedding is a time of great happiness, when two people who love each other come together to tell the world that they do. I know myself because last year I proposed to my Rebecca and nothing makes me happier than the thought of marrying her. Joking aside, that's why today is so important - not just because... I think they've had enough mate. CHATTERING OK. If you'd all, please, charge your glasses and be upstanding and raise a toast to... the bride and groom. ALL: The bride and groom! Well, thanks for that Steve. A truly unforgettable speech, I think we can all agree. All that's left for me to do is to say there'll be teas and coffees coming round soon, then please stick around for the cutting of the cake, then they'll move the tables back and we'll have the first dance... Sit down. ...and I want to see you strutting your stuff in the disco. Oh, and don't forget the firework display later on tonight. Enjoy. MUSIC BEGINS Hey was that all right? Yeah. Well done. Great. Good job. Well, that was an experience, wasn't it? I've never seen anything like it. He was very nervous. Yeah, but some of the stuff he said, Becks. He got it off the internet. Lots of people use those websites so he thought it'd be OK. Well done, mate. MUSIC: "Boom Bang-A-Bang" by Lulu I'm going to tell Steve you're pregnant and there's nothing you can do about it. Calm down mate, come on. Laura's fucked - she said if I choose Graham, I'll never see Bernadette again. Ooh, what a pickle. Becky's keeping a secret from you. And she's told Lee because she loves him. You all right? Not really. Get in the cubicle and do it. Don't be silly Laura. Becks... Come on. Just a hand-job. OK, careful... You can close your eyes and imagine I'm her. Oh, my God. What's Becky going to tell me? ♪ Your smile is so warm and inviting ♪ The thought of your kiss is exciting... ♪ Hello, I'm Patrick Stewart, theatre genius. Late last year, I found unsuccessful New York playwright Chester Winkle dead in his extended-stay hotel room. Among his belongings were a hot plate, a stack of Baby Gap catalogs, and 12 American Dad episodes he had written for the stage in one cocaine-fueled night. They were literally the finest collection of words ever put to paper. And now, we're proud to present the only one of Mr. Winkle's plays I didn't eat out of sheer jealousy: Blood Crieth Unto Heaven. (applause) (clears throat loudly) Shh! Hurry, everyone! Stan'll be here any moment. Do you think he'll like my gift, Mother? If it's anything like you, sweet Steven, I'm sure he'll adore it. Lord, it's warm. Devil farted thick today. We got a face-full, didn't we? Edna, be a good girl, run downstairs and give the air conditioner a kick, won't you? Yes, ma'am. Whoo! (quietly): Edna. Yes, Miss Hayley? How... is... everything? Just fine, Miss Hayley. Everything... and everyone... is just fine. Hayley... It's... been a super long time. I miss you. I miss us... having a ton of sex. You... look tired. (sobs) (phone ringing) Smith residence, Francine speaking. You silly, stupid girl. Hello, Betty. Does this mean you won't be coming to your only son's birthday party? There's a reason Stan hasn't celebrated his birthday since he was a child. Why couldn't you just leave well enough alone? Enough! You and I have a very strained relationship and we both know it! Oh, yes, we do! KLAUS: He's here! The guest of honor is here! Francine, get my fender sponge. I hit another dog driving home... Surprise! Ah! (laughing) ♪ Happy birth... No! No, no, no, no, no! Stan, everybody's here to celebrate your birthday. Well, send them all home, 'cause as far as I'm concerned I don't have a birthday! No, everybody stay. Please. Dan, put on some music. This party could use a little dancing. (slow song begins) What has gotten into you? I said no birthdays! But why? Why? I'll tell you why. But understand, the why I'm talking about isn't the place where poor people learn to swim and gay drifters rule the showers. I remember everything about it so clearly. I was eight... it was the last time I had a birthday party. And you know what my biggest memory of that party was? Not the cake. Not the presents. It was my dad, packing' up and walkin' out on us. Daddy! No, don't go! Daddy! (gasping) Stan, I never knew. Yeah. But I'm glad he's gone. He was a thief. And now he's in jail, where he belongs. Daddy? Would you like to open my gift now, Daddy? Not now, son! Damn this birthday! Damn it straight to hell! (car engine revs, tires squeal) This birthday's ruined! Not just yet, little Klaus. Not just yet. Dolores. Connect me to the favor department. I'm calling in a favor. Where did you go, Stan? Swept up by a wave of your own darkness... Go easy, bro. Curse my cursed birthday! (siren wails) Oh. Am I interrupting? Oh, no, Mr. Bullock, I'm just tinkering' with the air coldener. Well, I won't be a bother. Just down for a bottle of champagne. People upstairs, they can't get enough of it. To throw in people's faces... Never cared much for the bubbly myself. Water's my drink. That's so refreshing. You should try it with a twist of lime. (laughing heartily) Edna! I'm not talking about water-- water's disgusting. No, I'm talking about your attitude re: water. Why can't more people be poor and simple, like you? Oh, sir, I wish more people were like you, to be honest. I'm sorry; I've spoken out of turn. Oh, no, it was your turn. I'd just spoken. And now it's my turn again. And I'm going to use that turn... to do this! The party ended hours ago and he's still not back. Well, if you hear from Stan, let me know. Thank you, Mrs. Fartface. That must be him! Officer O'Sullivan? Sorry to bother you so late, Mrs. Smythe, but I believe I found something of yours. Stan? He was eatin' crab and drivin'. (gasps) He'd be spending the night in the cooler, if there was anything illegal about what he was doin'. Thank you, Ronan. We'll take it from here. We? Who's we? MAN: Me. You! That's right. Your dad. You're... Your daddy. No, I mean, you're... Ready for a swim. No, I'm surprised you're... Out of jail? Yes. Me too. I called the warden and got him out for your birthday. It's time you two talk. (gasps) And now, we return to Act Two. Gesundheit! Just kidding. The theatre can be a lonely place. What the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be in jail! I called in a favor to the warden. He's my brother, remember? Oh, yeah. I figured if your dad's the one who ruined your birthdays, maybe he's the one who can fix them. Well, I'm sorry you wasted your time. 'Cause I ain't got squat to say to this low-life. All the same to me. Warden only released me for eight hours and I just want to swim. Damn this heat. You can't swim your way out of this one, Jack. Now, you're both gonna sit here and talk this out. Why did you leave? Why did you stay? I was eight! I just ate! That's why I can't swim right now. Not for nine more minutes. You walked out on us. I remember it like it was yesterday. My eighth birthday party. I was having the time of my life. There was a cake, a clown, and all my friends were there. Oh, and my guest of honor! Police Commissioner Jared Stacy! I was in the Junior Detective's Club, he was my idol... and he came to my party! And there I am! Look at me! The birthday boy. Yes, it was the best day of my life... until it was not that. At all. (horn honks) Where to, Mac? As far away from my family as possible. Daddy! So that's how you remember it, huh? Yeah, 'cause that's how it happened. Good, 'cause that's exactly what happened and nothing more. Enough swimming in memories. The only swimming I want to do is in the pool! Tell me about Chicago-style pizza, Avery. Or have you never had it? No, no, I have. Let's see. It's... deep... very deep. Is it dangerous? Were you scared? A little. Any man who says he's not is a liar. More champagne? I have to admit, you're unlike any maid I've ever known. And I've known nine. Each of them more Jamaican than the last... until you. Avery, you make me so happy. It's funny. I feel like I could stay down here forever. Oh, Avery! (baby fusses, cries) Who's there? What's that? I didn't hear nothin'. (baby cries) Listen! There. It sounds like a baby. Show yourself, baby! It's not mine, I'm just raising her. A baby... I'm sorry, Edna. I... can't bear to be around them. They remind me... of babies. You see, I was in a relationship with this woman. She got pregnant and we lost the baby. Seeing this one, it's... it's just too painful! But Avery, we're perfect together! I'm sorry, Edna. No! If I had known I was going to fall in love, I never would've agreed to raise this baby for Hayley, whose baby it actually is! (gasps) Avery! (gasps) Damn this baby! Damn this heat. What the hell were you thinking bringing my son of a bitch father back here? ! Did you guys talk? Oh, we talked and we talked and we talked! If talking were a potbellied pig, we could have entered this one in the county fair! But life isn't... fair. And I won't county on my father ever again. Stan, you're exhausted. Why don't you rest? Rest? ! Yes. (screams) Stan, you've cut yourself! Well, it's my birthday. I should be allowed to feel something. (Jack laughing in distance) Listen to him out there. Having more fun than me on my birthday. There's nothing stopping you from having fun, too. Oh, well, what a relief! Why don't I go out there and do just that! Yuck-yuck-yuck! What a fun party! Yuck-yuck-yuck-yuck-yuck! Oh, is this for me? Nom-nom-nom, yuck-yuck-yuck! Isn't this fun? ! Stan... Oh, a balloon! How fun! A doodle-doodle-doodle-doo! A doodle-doodle-doodle-dee! I have no interest in watching you make a fool of yourself. And there he goes, everyone, right on cue! Leaving in the middle another party! Papa, now that you're making merry, perhaps you'd like to open my gift? Not now, Steve! My cup overfloweth! I have cake-face and balloon! Hear that, Daddy? ! Cake-face and balloon! (gasps) What... wh-wh-wh-what is it, Father? That sound. The balloon. There was a pop just like it the day my dad left. I remember... more. More what, Stan? More... information. It was during the party, before my dad left. I remember the balloon animal the clown made for me. It popped. I started crying. Went searching for my mommy. Mommy, my balloon! (horn honking) I-I remember another sound. A horn... or a honking. It was coming from... my parent's bedroom. Mommy! Mommy! My dad didn't walk out on us... my mother drove him away. My mother is a clown whore! Is that any way to greet me, Stan? Mommy? ! How could you? The information, it's too much! It's... T.M.I. (gasps) Hurry up, it's starting! I don't know what we're in for. I'm a little confused whether this is a comedy or a tragedy. A catastrophe in the end would certainly clear things up. Let's watch! (Stan moaning) I told you throwing Stan a birthday party was a bad idea. How was I to know Stan caught you cheating on his father... with a clown? ! STAN: You! All these years, I blamed my father for destroying our family. And you allowed me to believe this lie when it was you. You're the reason he left! Stan, you don't understand. I understand you can't keep your legs shut if there's a curly wig and big shoes in the room. Is it gift time, Daddy? (grunts angrily) (gasps) Trying to forget something? (gasps) Why did you tell me you'd had a miscarriage? I was scared! I wasn't ready for a baby. And you, you were so enthusiastic! I just wanted it all to go away! But I loved you. If you'd given it a chance, there was nothing our love couldn't overcome! I know that now! Really? Already? Yes! Then let's be together! Oh, Avery! Let's go get our child and begin our life together anew! We can be together now, Avery. I solved the problem. What is she talking about? It's quiet now. Just like you wanted. Edna, what have you done? What on Lucifer's black beach have you done? ! Where's my baby? ! Your... baby? No! No! I didn't know! Avery, I did it so we could be together! (all sobbing hysterically) There's no distinction! No demarcation! Hell and earth slumber in the same bed tonight! (sobbing continues) Swimming, swimming in the swimming pool. Perhaps I'll do a froggy kick, to swim from me to you. Daddy! Stan! I was just reciting "The Swimming Pool" by Homer. Daddy, I know the truth! It wasn't your fault. You left because mom pushed you away! She's a no-good clown whore! You watch your punk mouth! Your mother is a rose! And you're just a weed that grows in her shade! But she cheated on you. She deserves the wretched mud I sling! I didn't want to take you down this gravelly road. Not on these tires. But I can't let you think your only mother's a whore. It's time for you to hear... the truth. Jack, please don't go down that road. Not on those tires. Sorry, Bets. The hand of fate is about to extend three of its fingers and give Stan one hell of a shocker. Pop! There you are. You remember this part, I know. Your balloon dog had just popped and you were looking for your mommy like a bitch... (horn honking) Mommy! Mommy, my balloon! JACK: You want the truth, Stan? It's just beyond that door. Push... Push the door open. That's right. Your mother was receiving a clown pound. But what you don't know is that the clown... was me! (both scream) Oh, so everything's okay. Mom never cheated on you. You were just having sex with your wife... in a clown outfit. Why were you dressed as a clown? Oh, you had to have a clown at your birthday. Otherwise, your party wasn't going to be "perfect." But your father and I didn't have any money for a real clown. Clowns were scarce in those days. The good ones could name their own price. Not like now. Oh, but you needed a clown. And you threw a tantrum fit for a real queen. So I pulled out the clown suit that I used for robbing fruit trucks around town. That's why we always had the freshest fruit. Right. Now a lot of people were horny to catch that clown. None more so than your friend the police commissioner. I always managed to stay one oversized step ahead of him... until your birthday. Thanks to you, there I was, performing in that outfit. And there he was, your invited guest. He put the whole thing together like two docking hogs in the bathroom of a San Francisco supermarket. What are you saying? He's saying that he gave you the party you wanted... even though he knew it meant giving up his freedom. The Commissioner called for backup, and I fled. I fled like a guy sprinting from a supermarket bathroom after trying something that felt great at the time, but that he was ultimately ashamed of. Of course, before I left, I had to show your mother just how much I loved her one last time. Oh, Jack. That means... it was my fault you left. Bingo. I... destroyed our family! You sure did, kiddo. Time to go back to the slammer, Jack. Aw...! I wish things could've been different, Bets. I never stopped loving you, Jack. (sobbing) No, no... Not again! Everything's been my fault. All these years we'll never get back. Here's your present, Papa! Steve! Let me guess: you don't have time. Well, how 'bout I open it for you? (grunts) Here, it's an authentic 19th-century Army revolver. Not that you care! Thank you, son. This is just what I need. Really? Th-that's all I've ever wanted. Oh, Daddy, I'm so happy. (screams) Stan! I hope the party was worth it. Steve, what have you done to this family? ! (all sobbing) It appears the guilt that consumed Stan will now be passed on to Steve. In a sense... his only inheritance. (grunts) You thought I was asleep, didn't you? Acting. Good night! (cheering, applause) (applause and cheering continues) Bye! Have a beautiful time. I'm not just going to separate. I'll concentrate on ruining you. I'll take everything, your career, your money. And that whore you're fucking, will leave you. You're disturbed. Disturbed? I was deceived. I'll make sure it all comes out. - Get out, now. Get out. - No one will be able to save you. You'll regret it. Please. The alarm is now turned off. Amanda? We lived in Barcelona. - Did you live there long? Four, five years. My life is governed by chance, you might say. My life is rather quiet. Well, I want to try that here more or less. My peaceful life? sometimes I want it to be like that. Find Peace and security... Everybody's different. Glad you came walking along here. I walk along here quite often. Jussi likes it here. Hey, Jussi? So I have to return to my quiet, monotonous life again. Thanks for the wine. - No thanks needed. That's weird. Do it like is. And then. THE BETRAYAL I called, but no one knows where my mother is. That doesn't make sense. We can't consider an adult missing so soon. But we call each other four times a day. I just know something's happened. If she's still missing tomorrow, we'll look for her. Then you'll need a picture. Here. - We'll do that tomorrow. It'll be okay. I really lost it, totally. LK... It's really... - Was your car stolen? Don't you walk back and forth? LK...? LB...? No. GDE 727. GDE. My badge. Was it stolen too? - Who steals from the police? You drove your own car. - Was it stolen at your house? No, at the parking lot of camp ground in the woods near the beach. What were you doing in the forest? Jussi... likes to runs around there. Mom's gone. Why leave? She doesn't answer and won't call back. That's not normal. Ask your father. Maybe he knows. I don't want to talk to dad. Have you met someone else? What, what are you talking about? Of course not. I love you. Hello. Come here. I think there's something. Do you see it? There. Is that a man or what's that? The killer entered through here. Strangely enough, it seems there was an alarm precisely at that moment. The murder took place here. The body lay there. The perpetrator rolled out some plastic and wrapped the body up. And someone took the time to clean up everything with bleach clean. Last week there was a young man. He... worked on something. What did he look like? Stocky. Really stocky. With long hair, twenty years old. This phone may be Julia's or with any luck the perpetrator's. The corpse was dragged here and covered up well. She's been dead at least twelve hours. A neighbour saw a man working here last week. Svartman, check the list of all phone calls before she died. She was married to Erik Wredin. - Did he file a report? No, but the daughter was worried and wanted to find her this morning. Can you question her, Kurt? Yes. Ha, Eva. - Kurt. Do you work in this department? - Yes. How is she? She just calmed her down. You won't get anything from her for the first few hours. Has anyone come to see her? - You know I can't say. Call me when she wakes up. You know you can call me at any time. Good day. This is the list of numbers Julia called last week. The man who came to work is that him? No. - And the rest? She called her daughter Amanda, 14 times and Oscar Strömberg 3 times. He's Amanda's boyfriend. And she called her husband Erik. Check Facebook, email contacts and transactions on her bank account. The man who worked there, needs to be identified and interrogated. Erik and Amanda must know who he is. WORKMAN Ha, Lena. - Hello. Here, Kia. Hi. Huh. - What were you doing? Look at this. Look, now it's come. What's this? I need your help. - What? They pay very poorly. I need more. It's all recorded right? - Yes, but I erased my tracks. Look at this. What's that? The murder weapon. Okay, what should I do? Does it matter which TV program we watch? Does it matter what kind of hobbies we have, what political ideas? What religion? Does it matter? When multiple viewpoints highlight an idea the richer, bigger, stronger. Does it matter what our sexual orientation is? I need you to ask that. Ideas need to be bounced around and associations grow. And if that happens, then we have an orchestra you can conduct. Thanks. 1 new message Erik Wredin Excuse me, I need to... You must pay and pay for your crime! We will call this phone. Erik Wredin? - Yes. I'm Kurt Wallander, the police. It's about your wife. Can we go and sit down there. Good. I have bad news. We have found your wife dead. What? I understand it's upsetting, but you need to identify her. Yes, that's Julia. Are we finished? I have to go. There was a guy who worked for you. I know nothing about that. - That someone worked for you? Right. Where were you yesterday when she called? I don't understand it all. She seemed normal. A few hours later she was killed. - Nothing in our conversation indicated that. We decided to take a pause. After nineteen years it isn't so unusual. Was Linn Hedman the cause of the pause? No. When did you speak to your daughter last? What kind of a question is that? Our contact is bad and we hardly see each other. Okay? Wait. That guy, what did he look like? I might know who it is. Normal height, stocky, with long hair. No. The blood on the floor was hers. A stab in the heart with a sharp object such as a knife, killed her. And she was stabbed with great force. And unexpectedly, because there were no defence wounds. So Julia knew the perpetrator? Yes, like she was completely blind-sided. You never know... of course But I thought Erik's reaction was a bit unusual when he saw the dead woman. Your car's been found, a few kilometres from where you parked it You have no damage. And you left the keys in it. Thank you. Surely some brats went joyriding. - Joyriding? Yes, I don't know. 1 new message We will call in just 10 min! Hello. What did you video? Who asked you to do that? - We'll call you. Did you miss me? What is it? Did something happen? - Julia's dead. Killed. - My God. But who'd want to murder her? - I don't know Linn. The police will contact you. Why? - I was in the office before I came here. On your own? - Yes, on my own. Where were you? - Here. On my own. We need each other now. Linn, listen to me. Listen. We have to help each other. You're all I have. I need you now. I love you. I love you so much. You're all I have. I need you. You're all I have. You're all I have. We're the police. - Are you Oscar Strömberg? Yes. - May I ask some questions? Yes. Can we just do it outside? Hello. I'm Kurt. I understand it's difficult for you. Do you feel up to talking? What did you do the night before last? I ate at Mom's. And then... Then I went home to Oscar. Mom stayed home. And what time did you leave? - Seven o'clock, I believe. Do you know if your father and mother ever met each other? I called him, but he doesn't answer. I haven't spoken to him for more than a year. He... He doesn't understand me, not like mom. A guy was working at your place last week. Do you know who he was? No. We were supposed to go to the spa. Mom always takes me there once a month. Could you look in on Amanda in room 10? She needs help. When Amanda's father visits her, let me know? And why is that? - I want to know if he comes to visit her. If you want to ask me out again to eat, you know what I'll say. Didn't you just get engaged? - No. And I wasn't when we last ate together. Julia Wredin called and texted you. Monday. Yes, she tried to reach Amanda. - Do you know what she wanted? It could be anything. She and Erik were getting divorced. They talked a lot. Julia and Amanda were very close. They talked constantly. What were you doing the night before last? I was supposed to meet some friends from primary school, a kind of reunion. Can they confirm that? - Yes. I don't know where they all live and such, nowadays. You choose: give us 1 million in cash or we'll go to the police. We have the video, we have everything. Understand? I want nothing more to do with you. Do you understand? Listen. - I'll throw the phone away now. Don't throw it away. Wait, don't throw it away now. Damn. Erik Wredin accept a call from 073-445-2755 Are you here, damn it? Are you here, asshole? Come out. Come out. Come out, you motherfucker. 62-year-old charged with arson Ha, it was fun last. Will I see you again soon, Bea? Good morning. am I interrupting? - No, come on. That alarm at Juliet Wredin's? According to the security company it was turned on the whole night of the murder. therefore the burglar must have been set off? Normally, yes. I guess it didn't work because the signal was interrupted. How? Some kind of interference device. Huh. - Hi. Wredin drew up a prenuptial agreement Julia didn't want to sign it. She had her lawyer look at it. The point is she couldn't make any claim on his company. He now works as a consultant and earns four million a year. Jesus, you earn that much for that bullshit? Hello. What did you do to your hand? - Ah... I cut myself. I bought this for you. You always loved fashion, so I thought. Do you want to talk about it? Good. I'm sorry for you. And I'm worried. Beautiful, sweet Amanda. We need to talk together, to find the way back to each other again. Can you hear me? We need each other more than ever now. We have to stick together. Go away. Get out of here. Go away. Get out of here. Get out of here, I don't want you here. - Calm down now. Go now. - I'm going. You never cared about me. I want mom back. I want Mom. I want mom back. When's Grandpa coming? - Soon, dear. Voicemail. How long was Erik inside? - About twenty minutes. I didn't hear what they were talking about. Be gentle with that girl. What are you doing? You said your father and you had no contact but he came here. Why? When my daughter was the same age as you... Contact between us was lousy. There... Now I regret it sometimes. This isn't comparable. Why not? - He never bothered with me. As far as I can remember. Did she have a lot of pain? I don't think she suffered any pain. Do you remember anything that happened last night with your mother? After you went home, you were alone there. And when it got late, Oscar came. - Oscar came later. Did you see your daughter today? Yes, I see her every day. You should see her. She... Only she could talk dad down. She turned all his arguments around, as if it was just something funny. She was really witty. I thought he came to see me. I thought he'd take me in his arms, and say it's okay, just like Grandpa did. But he just asked who that guy was. What guy? The guy who worked at the house. He didn't come for me. He just came to ask that, not to see me. Why he wasn't here for me. I'm sorry for you. People. - Grandpa. Ha, look. Seven o'clock, we said, not eight. - But I'm here now. Why do you talk so weird? Ha. - Want a drink? Whisky. Beautiful, though. Say, I'd been thinking: don't you work a little too much? Consider your ticker. You're 65. Take it a bit easier, Visit your daughter more often. I'm 64, not 65. The food's been on the table for an hour already. An hour. Perhaps it's better you apologize. Gee, what did you stumble into again. Linda, I'm very sorry I'm late. I promise I'll do better. Erik didn't know who the workman was. And then he goes to the daughter, he hasn't talked to for a year or knew how she was. Why did he ask his daughter that? Erik will want to find him, just like us. Tore, you have to see. A Smith Wesson. Look. As many as you want. - Why do we need that? No weapons. - Oh, come on. This guy might call someone to cut our throats. Feel it. Where'd you get it? From a guy in Malmö who knows a guy in Copenhagen. Dinner's ready. - I'm coming. What have you got behind your back? Well... there's food. Shit. That's what you think of me, huh? - You're crazy. Oh. I know no one like you. Don't ruin it now We want out of here, right? Away from all the idiots in this stupid hole. Now I have to go to Grandpa again. What's that, murder? You know what... what a caterpillar is? - No. It eats worms and flowers. Could you look your daughter in the face if you killed her mother? That depends on what you want to get rid of. Who are you? I wanted to pick you up. - Leave me alone. I won't hurt you, honestly. - Leave me alone. Look at this closely, curious shitbag. If you don't pay up, the cops will get to see this. Is this true? Hello? I'll pay. I can't do anything else. - You'll hear what you have to do. Is Erik Wredin there? He said he lives here. We know you're lying. Erik was here on the night of the murder, you said. But a witness heard him making a disturbance at the office... With a woman who later left. And she turned out to be Julia Wredin. You gave us false information. You're lying because Erik asked you or because you have no alibi yourself. So, Erik fights with Julia and she's murdered the same night. Then he asks you to give him an alibi. Erik got here at 22:15, 22:30. Did he tell you what happened? - No, but... But what? I don't know where he is now. I called his agent, but he needs him too and can't find him. He cancelled all his appointments and events because of Julia's death. Find Erik. Check withdrawals, credit card transactions and his mobile. And if he's booked a flight. Nice. Good day. Do I need the password for this computer? Can I change the password? Pang. Please password. Pang. Okay, okay. ENTER PASSWORD PANG Hello. Your father's gone. What do you mean gone? We can't find him anywhere. Do you know where he might be? No. Does he have any friends? No. He has no friends. Maybe at Alcoholics Anonymous. Do you have a name? No. Where are you going? - Home. To Oscar. Is Oscar coming to pick you up? - No, I'll take a taxi. Do you have someone to talk to? Oscar. He really cares for me. I mean a therapist. Someone who knows what you're going through now. Oscar understands me. I'd still go and talk to someone else. When I was little and Mom and Dad argued, then I'd call Grandpa. But he's no longer here. That... That's pretty heavy. Stop. Stop. Can you stop? Stop. Can I help you? You need to see a psychologist. I don't know. What should I do now? I'm worried about Dad. We'll find him. Calm down. Calm down. Just try to calm down. Say, my daughter did the same... On her arms. You won't do anything to yourself. You have to promise me. You really look like my grandpa, you know? You promise me that? I promise. You can call me whenever you want, in the middle of the night if necessary. When will Oscar get home? Oscar does everything for me. Thank you very much. Want some tea? I... I've been thinking. About. About what we have now, you and me. How it has to get better. Honey, you worry me. Why don't you get in touch? Hello. - Hello. I understand you want to talk to me. Makes sense, come inside. I had to go. I had to think. You gave us incorrect information. Yes, Julia was at my office the night she was murdered. We quarrelled. She was jealous. After she left, I stayed. Did you kill Julia? Julia left my office at 20:30. At 22:30 I was home with Linn. For the time in between I have no alibi. Is there a clue? Is there something that connects me with the crime scene? Do you have anything at all? Why did Linn Hedman give you a false alibi? Because I was scared. When you told me. I was afraid my name might brought into disrepute... If I'd be under suspicion. Julia had to sign a prenuptial agreement. The day before I told my lawyer she'd get half of everything. She'd get what she wanted: half of everything, including my company. Where did you stay the last few days? - In a hotel. Why did you go away, if you're innocent, as you say? This is a private matter. - No. Not connected to the murder. - I've told you everything I know. If this interrogation continues, I want my lawyer here. Otherwise I want to go. Now. Why didn't you call earlier? - Why should I? Don't you read the papers? No, I only check independent media. Independent media? With no commercial power behind it. You should do it too. What did you do for Julia? Level cabinet doors, fasten floorboards. Because the man of the house was a lazy ass. Do you know the man of the house? - No. Erik Wredin. - No, I said. You know what else is weird? - Well? You worked there for three days and we can't find your fingerprints. Why is that weird? - Someone cleaned up very well. Julia ran behind me with a cloth and spray cleaner. She doesn't like ordinary people with dirty hands. You're making fun of the dead. You've stolen my freedom for very vague reasons. Is this serious? I'm convinced you're lying. - That just burns my ass. What did you get for that job? - You're really tiresome. I got a cola at 9:30 from the Turk at the corner. Ask him. And call my neighbour Torsten Wijk. He always sees everything. He was a cop. So, you guys can trust him. Amanda? Beautiful, huh? I bought it today, for the funeral. She must have liked him. What you going to wear? Give it a rest. Please, stop it. I want to stay friends. And we can always talk, whenever you want. But not like this any more. I'm really sorry. You can't stay here. But I've got all my stuff... Where should I go? Your father will help you if you talk to him. You know I hate my father. You know that. You know I hate him. Oscar, now. Don't leave me. Please, don't leave me. Don't go. Leave your keys in the mailbox. - Oscar, come back. Don't... Ha. I just wanted to see how you are. - As if you care. I'm going to a friend. Did you get through it unscathed? What do you mean? I'd do anything to make it up with you, so it'll be good again. I know... That godforsaken Julia could be tricky. I know... I prefer to avoid conflict than fight. Do you know what I had to suffer because of your cowardice? Forgive me. Please. I'm sorry. I'm fine, Dad. Don't you worry anymore. Another thing. Everyone forgets something, but to report your car stolen isn't normal. Tell him then. He's a policeman, he should go to the doctor. Here's Tore's home. What are they doing here? - Who? I don't know, but this has to disappear. Calm down. - I will. Open up, I will. Open up. - If they take you in, deny everything. You've done nothing, you know nothing. It'll all work out, if you keep calm, yes? Open up now. Hi, I'm Linda Wallander. - Who are you? We're the police. We've already spoken to each other. - What do you want? I only painted the kitchen cabinets. - You never held a paint brush. You went there to get something. This is a murder investigation and you're a suspect. I don't want to get involved. - Involved in what? I think you knew Julia better than you said. I help illiterates with their computers. She found me through a supermarket card. What did you do for her? - Install a program. Her computer wasn't found, nor were your fingerprints. You carried off the computer and cleaned up. What did I do with it? If you haven't found it, you can't prove anything. You were there just before she died. You're the last one to see her alive. I have an alibi. - Your neighbour? Your mother? Disability, psychological problems. She dotes on you. You're everything to her. If you don't cooperate, I'll interrogate her roughly. Would you do that to her? That last day she'd been drinking. She said she felt safe when I was there. When I asked what she was afraid of. She said her husband threatened to cut her throat. You can go, but your mobile stays here. - I won't give it up willingly. The prosecutor decided that, so it'll just happen. Well, you can go now. Please. Hello. Do you have time to talk? What? About Julia. I thought you were in A.A. Do you want to celebrate anything special? - What do you want? A witness who talked to Julia, says... you told her you'd cut her throat. That isn't so. Why would she say that? - No idea. Logic wasn't Julia's long suit. She wanted to control everything, and if she couldn't... She damaged everything around her. - And you too? Are we ready? He mentioned you. Who? You know who I mean. You had no contact with Amanda, but you visited her at the hospital. You asked her about the workman. And she's going to talk. 35 years experience as a detective tells me we'll know everything tomorrow. It doesn't matter what they say. They? Were there two of them? Get the shit out. Julia, Julia didn't deserve to live. She took the only thing I loved away from me. I hate her. Since Amanda's birth. In those nineteen years she turned my daughter against me. I stabbed her in her heart. One blow. One blow. Really? - Yes. What did he say? - He confessed. But he was talking about 'them' and 'their'. So Tore wasn't alone. So we have to find the other guy he was talking about. Can you go back there? - Yes, I'll do so immediately. Nice, but try. Good day. - Good day. Hello. My name's Linda. I want to talk to Tore. - That's already happened. Combined with "The key in Silence undetected", the implication is that the effect is to make what was undetectable detectable. Unless... "The key in Silence" could be... Prison. Albuquerque. See, I can do it too. Snorkel. That's where the map is. Like he said, "Fifty-five in iron pen." "Iron pen" is a prison. Or it could be, since the primary writing medium of the time was iron gall ink, the "pen" is... just a pen. But then why not say a pen? Why... why say "iron pen"? Cos it's a prison. Wait a minute. "Iron pen" - the "iron" does not describe the ink in the pen, it describes what was penned. It was "iron" - it was firm, it was mineral... No, no, no, that's stupid. It was... It was firm, it was adamant, it was resolved. It was resolved. "Mr Matlack can't offend." Timothy Matlack was the official scribe of the Continental Congress. Calligrapher, not writer. And to make sure he could not offend the map, it was put on the back of a resolution that he transcribed, a resolution that 55 men signed. The Declaration of Independence. Come on, there's no invisible map on the back of the Declaration of Independence. That's clever, really. A document of that importance would ensure the map's survival. And you said there were several Masons signed it, yeah? Yeah. Nine, for sure. We'll have to arrange a way to examine it. This is one of the most important documents in history. They're not just gonna let us waltz in there and run chemical tests on it. - Then what do you propose we do? - I don't know! We could borrow it. Steal it? - I don't think so. - Ben... the treasure of the Knights Templar is the treasure of all treasures. Oh, I didn't know that. Really? Look, Ben... I understand your bitterness. I really do. You've spent your entire life searching for this treasure, only to have the respected historical community treat you and your family with mockery and contempt. You should be able to rub this treasure in their arrogant faces, and I want you to have the chance to do that. How? We all have our areas of expertise. You don't think mine are limited to writing cheques, do you? In another life... I arranged a number of operations of... questionable legality. I'd take his word for it, if I were you. So don't worry. I'll make all the arrangements. No. I'd really need your help here. Ian... I'm not gonna let you steal the Declaration of Independence. OK. From this point on all you're going to be is a hindrance. Hey! What are you gonna do? Are you gonna shoot me, Shaw? Well, you can't shoot me. There's more to the riddle. Information you don't have. I do. I'm the only one who can figure it out, and you know that. He's bluffing. We played poker together, lan. You know I can't bluff. Tell me what I need to know, Ben, or I'll shoot your friend. Hey! Quiet, Riley! Your job's finished here. Look where you're standing. All that gunpowder. You shoot me, I drop this, we all go up. Ben... What happens when the flare burns down? Tell me what I need to know, Ben. You need to know... if Shaw can catch. Nice try, though. Get out, Shaw! Fool! Riley, get over here! - What is this? - Smuggler's hold. Get in! Move! Get out of here£¡ - What? - Move! Get out! Follow me. Let's go, let's go! She's gonna blow! Get down. OK, let's go. Before someone sees the smoke. There's an Inuit village about nine miles east of here. - It's popular with bush pilots. - All right. - Then what are we gonna do? - Start making our way back home. No, I meant about lan. He's gonna steal the Declaration of Independence, Ben. We stop him. 255 00:22:38,255 -- 00:22:39,586 Is it really so hard to believe that someone's gonna try to steal the Declaration of Independence? The FBI gets 10,000 tips a week. They're not gonna worry about something they're sure is safe. But anyone that can do anything is gonna think we're crazy. 260 00:22:49,835 -- 00:22:52,963 Anyone crazy enough to believe us isn't gonna want to help.£¡ We don't need someone crazy. But one step short of crazy, what do you get? Obsessed. Passionate. Excuse me. - Dr Chase can see you now, Mr Brown. - Thank you. Mr Brown? The family name doesn't get a lot of respect in the academic community. Huh. Being kept down by the man. A very cute man. Thank you. - Good afternoon, gentlemen. - Hi. - Abigail Chase. - Paul Brown. - Nice to meet you. - Bill. Nice to meet you, Bill. - How may I help you? - Your accent. Pennsylvania Dutch? Saxony German. - You're not American? - Oh, I am an American. I just wasn't born here. Please don't touch that! Sorry. A neat collection. George Washington's campaign buttons. 00:23:58,574 -- 00:24:01,134 You're missing the 1789 inaugural, though. - I found one once. - That's very fortunate for you. Now, you told my assistant that this was an urgent matter. Yes, ma'am. Well, I'm gonna get straight to the point. Someone's gonna steal the Declaration of Independence. It's true. I think I'd better put you gentlemen in touch with the FBI. - We've been to the FBI. - And? They assured us that the Declaration cannot possibly be stolen. - They're right. - My friend and I are less certain. However, if we were given the privilege of examining the document... we would be able to tell you for certain if it were actually in any danger. What do you think you're gonna find? We believe that there's an... encryption on the back. - An encryption, like a code? - Yes, ma'am. Of what? A... cartograph. - A map. - Yes, ma'am. A map of what? The location of of hidden items of historic and intrinsic value. - A treasure map? - That's where we lost the FBI. You're treasure-hunters, aren't you? We're more like treasure-protectors. Mr Brown, I have personally seen the back of the Declaration of Independence, and I promise you, the only thing there is a notation that reads, "Original Declaration of Independence, dated... "Four of July, 1776." Yes, ma'am. But no map. It's invisible. Oh! Right. And that's where we lost the Department of Homeland Security. What led you to assume there's this invisible map? We found an engraving on the stem of a 200-year-old pipe. Owned by Freemasons. - May I see the pipe? - We don't have it. - Did Big Foot take it? - It was nice meeting you. Nice to meet you, too. And, you know, that really is a nice collection. Must have taken you a long time to hunt down all that history. If it's any consolation, you had me convinced. It's not. It's not like we have our reputations to worry about. Although I don't think that's exactly gonna scare lan away. 180 years of searching, and I'm three feet away. Of all the words written here about freedom, there's a line here that's at the heart of all the others. "But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty to throw off such government and provide new guards for their future security." People don't talk that way any more. Beautiful, huh? - No idea what you said. - It means, if there's something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action. I'm gonna steal it. What? I'm gonna steal the Declaration of Independence. Ben? This is... huge. It's prison huge. You are gonna go to prison, you know that? Yeah, probably. So that would bother most people. Ian's gonna try and steal it. And if he succeeds, he'll destroy the Declaration. The fact is, the only way to protect the Declaration is to steal it. It's upside down. I don't think there's a choice. Ben, for God's sakes, it's like stealing a national monument. OK? It's like stealing him. It can't be done. Not shouldn't be done. It can't be done. Let me prove it to you. OK, Ben, pay attention. I've brought you to the Library of Congress. Why? Because it's the biggest library in the world. Over 20 million books. And they're all saying the same exact thing: listen to Riley. What we have here, my friend, is an entire layout of the archives. Short of builders' blueprints. You've got construction orders, phone lines, water and sewage - it's all here. Now, when the Declaration is on display, OK, it is surrounded by guards and video monitors and a little family from Iowa and little kids on their eighth-grade field trip. And beneath an inch of bulletproof glass is an army of sensors and heat monitors that will go off if someone gets too close with a high fever. Now, when it's not on display, it is lowered into a four-foot-thick concrete, steel-plated vault... that happens to be equipped with an electronic combination lock and biometric access-denial systems. You know, Thomas Edison tried and failed nearly 2,000 times to develop the carbonised cotton-thread filament for the incandescent light bulb Edison? When asked about it, he said, "I didn't fail, I found out 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb." But he only needed to find one way to make it work. The Preservation Room. Enjoy. Go ahead. Do you know what the Preservation Room is for? Delicious jams and jellies? No. That's where they clean, repair and maintain all the documents and the storage housings when they're not on display or in the vault. Now, when the case needs work they take it out of the vault, directly across the hall and into the Preservation Room. The best time for us, or lan, to steal it would be during the gala this weekend when the guards are distracted by the VIPs upstairs. But we'll make our way to the Preservation Room, where there's much less security. Well, if lan... Preservation... The gala, huh? This might be possible. It might. And we are in. There you are. Hello. The hallway. That's what I want. Game on. I'll buy that. Cool. This just came for you. I hope it's not from Stan. "For the woman who has everything else... Thanks for listening. Paul Brown." Abigail Chase. Hey, Mike. - Let's do this by the book. - Hallway is secure. - Keep the document level. - No problem. What have you got? The heat sensor went off in the Declaration frame. Run full diagnostics, then I want them all changed out. Our evil plan is working. Ben, are you sure that we should...? Riley. - Can you hear me? - Unfortunately, yeah. We're all set in here. You want to go around to the front and present your invitation. You're gonna have to show ID. Go ahead, man. Howdy. I need your invitation and your ID, please. How do you look? - Not bad. - Mazel tov. This is it. For you. - Oh, Mr Brown. - Dr Chase. - What are you doing here? - Is that that hot girl? - How does she look? - I made a last-minute donation. A big one. Well, on that subject, thank you for your wonderful gift. - Oh, you did get it? Good. - Yes, thank you. You know, I really couldn't accept something like that normally, but... I really want it. - Well, you needed it. - Come on, Romeo, get outta there. I have been wondering, though, what the engraving indicated on the pipe that Big Foot took. - Here you go. - Oh, Dr Herbert, this is Mr Brown. - Hi. - Hi there. - Who's the stiff? - Here, why don't you let me take that? - So you can take that off his hands. - Thank you. A toast, yeah? To high treason. That's what these men were committing when they signed the Declaration. Had we lost the war, they would have been hanged, beheaded, drawn and quartered, and - Oh! Oh, my personal favourite - and had their entrails cut out and burned! So, here's to the men who did what was considered wrong in order to do what they knew was right. What they knew was right. Well, good night. - Good night. - Good night. Yeah! OK, go! Go! This better work. Clear! - On. - Door one. 30 seconds. How does it look? It's working. It's working... Unbelievable. Second door. 90 seconds. Well done, boys. Let's go. - We're in the elevator. - OK. I'm gonna turn off the surveillance cameras. Ready? In five, four, three... Now. Ben Gates, you are now the Invisible Man. - I'm here. - Give me the letters for her password. What do you got for me? Hit me with it. 476 00:41:55,387 -- 00:41:57,377 A-E-F-G... L-O-R-V-Y Anagrams being listed. OK. Top results: "A glove fry." ¡°A VERY GOLF¡± ¡°FARGO LEVY¡± ¡°GRAVY FLOE¡¢VALEY FROG¡± Also¡°AGO FLY REV¡± ¡°GROVE FLY A¡± ¡°ARE FLY GOV¡± ¡°ERA FLY GOV¡± - ¡°ELF GOV RAY¡± - It's ¡°VALLEY FORGE¡± ¡°VALLEY FOR...¡±I don't have that on my computer. ÊÇ¡°VALLEY FORGE¡±£¬she pressed the E and L twice. We're in. Hello. Ben, you're doing great. Ben, pick it up. You got about one... We own video. - I lost my feed. - What? I lost my feed, Ben. I don't know where anyone is. I have nothing. Ben, I have no... Ben, I have nothing. Get out of there. Get out of there now. I'm taking the whole thing. I'll get it out in the elevator. What are you talking about? Is it heavy? Shaw. Door three, one minute. Gates. What was that? Who's shooting? - Damn. - He's got the bloody map! Are you still there? Ben? I'm in the elevator. - lan's here. There was, uh, shooting. - I hate that guy. Hey, Rebecca. Do you have a Paul Brown on that list? Paul Brown? No. Not here. Have a good night. Are you trying to steal that? It's $35. - For this? - Yeah. - That's a lot. - Hey, I don't make the prices. It's... I have $32... 57 cash. We take Visa. This is Mike. Sublevel three. I have an alert. Where are you, Ben? - Where are you? - Stop talking. Start the van Ben, the... the mean Declaration lady's behind you. Hey. Oh, it's you. Hello. Mr Brown, what's going on? What's that? - It's a souvenir. - Really? Stop chatting and get in the van. Code red. Code red. We have a break-in. Lock it down. Nobody leaves the building. Get the FBI on the phone. - Did you enjoy the party? - Yeah. - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God! You did not...? - No... - Security! Over here! - Give me that! - It's yours. Take it. Security! . - Over here! Security! - Got you. Go. Viktor! Move! - We can't just let her go! - We can. Go! - Security, over here! - Wait. No, hold it. Hold it! - Wha...? - Oh, bad. - What do you want? - Give me the document. Bad, bad, bad! - Let me go! - Just bring her! £¡ No! No! - That's... - Go! Go! And just who might you be? - Once we catch them what do we do? - I'm working on it. Right turn, right turn. Why don't you just pass me that document? Then we can all go home. Oh, no. Skidding, skidding, skidding. - Oh, no! - Holy Lord! - Help! - No! If she falls, the document falls. Get me next to her. - Thank you. - No! Got it. Go on. Abigail! Come on. Jump. - We lost them. - That's all right. This... is what we need. Well done, Gates. Well done. - Are you all right? - No! Those lunatics... - You're not hurt, are you? - You are all lunatics! - Are you hungry? - What? Are you all right? Still a little on edge from being shot at, but I'll be OK. Thanks for asking. Yeah, well, I'm not all right. Those men have the Declaration of Independence£¡ - She lost it? - They don't have it. See? OK? Now could you please stop shouting? - Give me that! - You're still shouting. It's starting to annoy. You'd do well, Dr Chase, to be a bit more civilised in this instance. If this is the real one, what did they get? A souvenir. I thought it'd be a good idea to have a duplicate. It turned out I was right. I actually had to pay for the souvenir and the real one, so you owe me $35, plus tax. - Genius. - Who were those men? Just the guys we warned you were gonna steal the Declaration. And you didn't believe us. We did the only thing we could do to keep it safe. Verdammt! Give me that! You know something? You're shouting again. I'm pretty sure she was swearing, too. Well, we probably deserve that. Ladies and gentlemen... Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Peter Sadusky. I'm the agent in charge. I wanna reassure you, you are not in danger in any way. If we all cooperate, we'll get through this with as little frustration as possible Thank you. Get positive IDs. Search everyone, including the security staff. If they refuse, detain them and get warrants. Yes, Agent Hendricks? You have something? Um... - This isn't a day for "Um..." - We got a tip several days ago that someone was going to steal the Declaration of Independence. Do we have a name on the tipster? There was no file opened. We didn't find the information credible. How about now? There is not a treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence. And there's no chance anyone can steal this either. I levelled with you 100 per cent. Everything I told you was the truth. I want that document, Mr Brown. OK, my name's not Brown. It's Gates. I levelled with you 98 per cent. Wait a minute, did you just say "Gates"? Gates? You're that family with the conspiracy theory about the Founding Fathers? - It's not a conspiracy theory. - Per se. You know what? I take it back. You're not liars. You're insane. There's a copy of the Declaration on display now? - Yes, we decided to... - Leave it there. The guests know something happened, but they don't know what. They got him with a Taser at the service entrance. He doesn't remember a thing. Also, we found bullet casings. Did we get a description from the other guards? - Which guards? - The guards that were fired upon. There weren't any other guards on patrol down here. So... who was shooting, who were they shooting at, and why weren't they getting along? You can't seriously intend to run chemical tests on the Declaration of Independence in the back of a moving van. We have a clean-room environment all set up EDS suits, a particulate air filtration system, the whole shebang. - Really? - We can't go back there. What? Why not? This is the guy. Dr Herbert said Dr Chase introduced him as Mr Brown. Not on the guestlist. Now, the gift-store clerk - she said he seemed... Well, she said "flustered". He tried to walk out with a copy of the Declaration of Independence without paying. He paid with a Visa. "Charge to Benjamin Gates." A credit-card slip? Dude, we're on the grid. They'll have your records from forever. They'll have my records from forever. I know. I know. It's only a matter of minutes before the FBI shows up at my front door. What do we do? - We need those letters. - What letters? You know, get off the road, take a right. What letters? You have the original Silence Dogood letters? Did you steal those, too? We have scans of the originals. - Quiet, please. - How'd you get scans? Oh, I know the person who has the originals. Now shush. - Why do you need them? - She really can't shut her mouth, can she? I'll tell you what, look. I will let you hold onto this if you'll promise to shut up, please. Thank you. - Ben, you know what you have to do. - I know what to do. I'm just trying to think of anything else we could do. Well, not to be a... nudge, but you do realise how many people we have after us. We probably have our own satellite by now. It took you all of two seconds to decide to steal the Declaration of Independence. Yeah, but I didn't think I was gonna personally have to tell my dad about it. Hey, not cool! Not cool£¡ Let me go! OK. You're let go. Go, shoo. I'm not going. Not without the Declaration. You're not going with the Declaration. Yes, I am. I'm not letting it out of my sight, so I'm going. Wait. You're not going with us with the Declaration. - Yes, I am. - No, you're not. Look, if you wanted to leave me behind, you shouldn't have told me where you were going. Clear. What the... Now we're getting somewhere. They're digital scans of letters to the editor of The New England Courant. Written 1722. They're all from the same person. "Your humble servant, Silence Dogood." Gentlemen... why is this word capitalised? Because it's important? Because it's a name. OK, I got it. When Ben Franklin was only 15 years old he secretly wrote 14 letters to his brother's newspaper pretending to be a middle-aged widow named Silence Dogood. These letters were written by Benjamin Franklin. Looks OK. - Park a couple of blocks away. - Well, how long do you think we got? I'm gonna give them a couple of hours at least. I hope. What do we do about her? I've got some duct tape in the back. No, that won't be necessary. She won't be any trouble. - Promise you won't be any trouble. - I promise. See? She's curious. Here's what I got on Gates. A degree in American History from Georgetown, a degree in Mechanical Engineering at MIT, Navy ROTC and Naval Diving and Salvage Training Centre. What in the world did this guy want to be when he grew up? We keep our focus on Gates. Run him to ground. Compile a family-and-friends list. Closest relative first. I want to find out who this guy is. Dad. Where's the party? Well... I'm in a little trouble. - Is she pregnant? - Well, if she is, are you gonna leave the woman carrying your grandchild standing out in the cold? I look pregnant? This better not be about that dumb treasure. Well, have a seat. Make yourselves comfortable. There's some pizza. It's still warm, I think. Dad... I need the Silence Dogood letters. Yeah, it's about the treasure. And he dragged you two into this nonsense? - Literally. - I volunteered. Well, unvolunteer, before you waste your life. - Knock it off, Dad. - Sure, sure, I know, I'm the family kook. I have a job, a house, health insurance. At least I had your mother, for however brief a time. At least I had you. What do you have? Him? Look, if you just give us the letters, we're gone. You disappoint me, Ben. Well, maybe that's the real Gates-family legacy. Sons who disappoint their fathers. Get out. Take your troubles with you. I found the Charlotte. The Charlotte? - You mean she was a ship? - Yeah, she was beautiful. It was amazing, Dad. And the treasure? No, no. But we found another clue that led us here. Yeah, and that'll lead you to another clue. And that's all you'll ever find, is another clue. Don't you get it, Ben? I finally figured it out. The legend says that the treasure was buried to keep it from the British. But what really happened was the legend was invented, to keep the British occupied searching for buried treasure. The treasure is a myth. I refuse to believe that. Well, you can believe what you want. You're a grown person. What am I doing? Do what you want, Ben. Do what you want. He's probably right. You don't even know if there is another clue. Well, I can think of a way where we could find out. And we can find out right now. Looks like animal skin. - How old is it? - At least 200 years. - Really? You sure? - Pretty darn. Now if this thing's in invisible ink, how do we look at it? Throw it in the oven. - No. - Uh-uh. Ferrous sulphate inks can only be brought out with heat. - Yes, but this... - It's very old. This is very old, and we can't risk compromising the map. You need a reagent. Dad, it's really late. Why don't you get some rest? I'm fine. Lemons. - You can't do that. - But it has to be done. Then someone who is trained to handle antique documents is gonna do it. OK. OK. Now, if there is a secret message, it'll probably be marked by a symbol in the upper right-hand corner. That's right. I am so getting fired for this. I told you. You need heat. See? - We need more juice. - We need more heat. That's not a map. - Is it? - More clues. What a surprise. Are those latitudes and longitudes? That's why we need the Silence Dogood letters. - That's the key? - Yeah. "The key in Silence undetected." Dad, can we have the letters now? Will somebody please explain to me what these magic numbers are? - It's an Ottendorf cipher. - That's right. Oh, OK. - What's an Ottendorf cipher? - They're just codes. Each of these three numbers corresponds to a word in a key. Usually a random book or a newspaper article. In this case, the Silence Dogood letters. So it's like the page number of the key text, the line on the page, and the letter in that line. So, Dad, where are the letters? You know, it's just by sheer happenstance that his grandfather... - Dad. ...even found them. They were in an antique desk from the press room... - Dad. ...of The New England Courant. - That's a newspaper. - Dad, where are the letters? I don't have them, son. - What? - I don't have them. Where are they? I donated them to the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Time to go. I still can't believe it. All this time no one knew what was on the back. The back of what? No£¡ - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - I know. Oh, my God. What have you done? This is... this is the... - I know! - This is the Declaration of Independence. Yes. And it's very delicate. You stole it? Dad, I can explain, but I don't have time. It was necessary. And you saw the cipher. And that will lead to another clue, and that will lead to another clue! There is no treasure. I wasted 20 years of my life. And now you've destroyed yours. And you pulled me into all this. Well, we can't have that. Come in! I'm in here. FBI, right? You gonna untie me? And you have no idea where he's going? - Well, wouldn't I have told you if I did? - Would you? He tied me to a chair. The garage is empty, but there's a Cadillac De Ville registered to Patrick Gates. And he stole my car. Don't worry, Mr Gates, we'll find your car. And your son. Your dad's got a sweet ride. I think we should change clothes. We look kind of conspicuous, don't you think? I'd love to go shopping, too, but we have no money. Here, I took this from his house. He usually tucks a few hundred dollars somewhere between those pages. - Common Sense. How appropriate. - When are we gonna get there? I'm hungry. This car smells weird. Excuse me. Excuse me. Oops, sorry, sir. Excuse me. That's OK. S-S-A-N-D OK. You're sure this is right? OK. S-S-A... No, N. - That is an N. - It doesn't look like an N. You know what? Here. Last one. OK? - One more dollar. - Thank you. Go get the last four letters. Go get 'em, chief. Come on. OK. "The vision to see the treasured past comes as the timely shadow crosses in front of the house of pass and..." "Pass and..." what? "Pass and..." What's going on? - I'm not sure. - What's up? So you show up at your father's door and say you're in trouble and the first thing he assumes is I'm pregnant. Is there a question in there? I think there's an interesting story in there. Well, my father thinks I've been a little too cavalier in my personal life. - I see. - Let me ask you something. Have you ever told someone - not a relative - "I love you"? Yes. More than one someone? Yes. Oh. Well, then my father would say you've been a little too cavalier in your personal life, too. So you get your sense of absolute certainty from him, do you? Well, I'm sure I don't know what you mean. Well, you're certain the treasure is real, despite what anyone else thinks. No, but I hope it's real. I mean, I've dreamt it's real since my grandfather told me about it. But I want to hold it. I feel like I'm so close, I can taste it. But I just... I just want to know it's not just something in my head or in my heart. People don't really talk that way, you know. I know. But they think that way. Hey. - Did you get it? Riley? - Oh, I got it. "The vision to see the treasured past comes as the timely shadow crosses in front of the house of Pass and Stow." Now, "Pass and Stow", of course, referring to... - The Liberty Bell. - Why do you have to do that? Well, John Pass and John Stow cast the bell. OK. Well, then, what does the rest of this mean? Wait..."The vision to see the treasured past" must refer to a way to read the map. Well, I thought the cipher was the map. No, the cipher was a way to find the way to read the map. And the way to read the map can be found where the "timely shadow" crosses in front of the Liberty Bell. Crosses in front of the "house" of the Liberty Bell. Independence Hall. Right, so "timely shadow" - it's a specific time. - Right. - What time? What time? What time? Wait a minute, wait. You're gonna love this. Excuse me, can I see one of those hundred-dollar bills I paid you with? No. Oh. Well, here, I have this diver's watch. It's called a Submariner. I dive with it. It's actually quite valuable. - You can use it as collateral. - Whatever. Thank you. On the back of a hundred-dollar bill is an etching of Independence Hall - based on a painting done in... - Hello. Thank you. ...in the 1780s, who... The artist was actually a friend of Benjamin Franklin's. It's wonderful. - Fascinating. - Hold this. OK. I'm not going anywhere. Now, I think that if we look at this clock tower we may find the specific time. - What do you see? - 2:22. - What time is it now? - Almost three. - We missed it. - No, we didn't. We didn't miss it because... You don't know this? I-I know something about history that you don't know. I'd be very excited to learn about it, Riley. Well, hold on one second, let me just... let me just take in this moment. This is... this is cool. Is this how you feel all the time? Because, you know... Except for now, of course. - Riley! - All right. What I know is that daylight savings wasn't established until World War I. If it's 3pm now, OK, that means in 1776, it would be 2pm. - Let's go. - Riley, you're a genius. Yeah. Do you actually know who the first person to suggest daylight savings was? - Benjamin Franklin. - Benjamin Franklin. Is this real? Just tell me what you told my friend. Just a bunch of letters. I can't remember. Can you remember which ones you were gonna tell him next? Yeah, here. S-T-O-W. Top results: Liberty Bell and Independence Hall. Imagine its impact back in the 18th century. It could have been seen for miles around, which was exactly its purpose, because it served as a beacon, as it were, for people to collect and hear... Good stuff. It gained a place in history on July 8, 1776, when the Liberty Bell tolled for the first public reading of the Declaration of Independence. Eventually, it was moved from its place in Independence Hall steeple and given its own... - Idiot. - Who? - Me. - What? It's not here. It's there. Come on. - What bell is this? - It's the Centennial Bell. It replaced the Liberty Bell in 1876. There it is. All right. I'm gonna go down there, and you meet me in the signing room. - OK? All right. - OK. All right, let's go. 3:22 My idea. Hey. What'd you score? I found this. Some kind of ocular device. "The vision to see the treasured past." Let me take this. Aw, they're like early American X-ray specs. Benjamin Franklin invented something like these. I think he invented these. So, what do we do with them? We look through it. Here, help me. - Careful. - You think? - What? - It's just that the last time this was here it was being signed. - Ben, there's another tour coming. - Turn it over. - Careful. - Spectacles. What do you see? What is it? Is it a treasure map? It says, "Heere at the wall", spelled with two E's. Take a look. Wow. Why can't they just say, "Go to this place, and here's the treasure, spend it wisely"? Oh, no. - Oh, no. - Oh, no. How'd they find us? Well, lan has nearly unlimited resources. And he's smart. I don't think we can get out of here without being spotted. Well, we don't want them to have the Declaration, or the glasses. But we especially don't want them to have them both together. - So what do we do? - We separate the lock from the key. - We're splitting up. - Good idea. Really? I'll take this. And those. You keep that. Meet me at the car and call me if you have any problems. Like if we get caught and killed? Yeah. That would be a big problem. Take care of her. - I will. - I will. We're on him. There he is. - Let's walk this way. - Wait up. - Shaw, look. There's the others. - I got it. Viktor, meet me at Fifth and Chestnut. Fifth and Chestnut. They're heading your way. - Look out! Look out! - Riley! - There they are! Move! - Move! - Time to run. - Keep up, Viktor! Move. Come on. In here. - Come on. - Follow me. That way. If you're not a steak, you don't belong here. I'm just trying to hide from my ex-husband. - Who, baldy? - Yes. Honey, stay as long as you like. Oh, thank you. Thank you. You want something? - Do you want something? - Shut up. I see why you left him. Go around. Go around. Gates! Aw, come on! - Where were you? - Hiding. Come on. Let's go, let's go. lan. lan, I've got 'em. They're heading toward City Hall. - OK, I'm on my way. - Out of the way! They're headed for the breezeway on the north side. I'll be right there. Hey, Gates! 1014 01:23:15,232 -- 01:23:18,648 Enough, man! Give me the document. All right, Phil. Watch out! Get out of my way! Watch it! Leave them! Let 'em go. We've got it. - FBI. Have you seen this guy? - No Nope, I haven't seen him. Ted. Philadelphia police found Gates's car. It's close. We got surveillance there now. Let's go. Tell the boss we got the car. - What? - We lost it. - What? - We lost the Declaration. lan took it. Yeah, OK. You all right? You both all right? Yeah, yeah, we're all right. - Ben, I'm sorry. - We'll be fine. Meet me at the car. Suspect has arrived. Hello, Mr Gates. Mr Gates, face your father's car and put your hands behind your back, please. - We got one in custody. - Gates, you're a hard man to find. Could you please be careful? Riley, do you know how to get in touch with lan? Excuse me? That's some story. Well, it's the same story I tried to tell you guys before the Declaration was stolen. - By you. - No, by lan. I stole it to stop him. I did it alone. Dr Chase was not involved. And lan still ended up with the Declaration of Independence. Because of you. So here's your options. Door number one, you go to prison for a very long time. Door number two, we are going to get back the Declaration of Independence, you help us find it, and you still go to prison for a very long time, but you feel better inside. Is there a door that doesn't lead to prison? - Someone's got to go to prison, Ben. - Yeah. So what are these for? It's a way to read the map. Right. Knights Templar. Freemasons. Invisible treasure map. - So what'd it say? - "Heere at the wall." Nothing else. It's just another clue. It looks like lan Howe could be a false identity. Follow up with ATF and INS. There's more to it. - Standard tap procedure. - Let's check the signal, folks. - Lock it in. - Are we set? - Checking source. - Unknown number. Yes. Hello, Ben. How are you? - Um, chained to a desk. - Sorry to hear that. I want you to meet me on the flight deck of the USS Intrepid. - You know where that is? - New York. Meet me there at ten o'clock tomorrow morning. And bring those glasses you found at Independence Hall. Yeah, I know about the glasses. We can take a look at the Declaration, and then you can be on your way And I'm supposed to believe that. I told you from the start, I only wanted to borrow it. You can have it. And the glasses. I'll even throw in the pipe from the Charlotte. I'll be there. And tell the FBI agents listening in on this call if they want the Declaration back, and not just a box of confetti, then you'll come alone. - Take positions. - Perimeter looks normal. - Can I get a status report? - Crow's nest in position. Port side is quiet. Copy that. - Gates is on the flight deck. - Eyes on Gates. - Do not lose sight of primary mark. - Brian, you're clear with NYPD. - I have a visual. - Gates. Stay with the program. I hope your agents are all under four feet tall and wearing little scarves. Otherwise lan's gonna know they're here. As soon as he shows you the Declaration, we'll move in. Don't try anything. Just let us handle it. You know, Agent Sadusky, something I've noticed about fishing: it never works out so well for the bait. Sir, we've got some traffic incoming. Looks like a sightseeing helicopter. Unit two, get an eyeball on that chopper. Agent Michaels, get FAA flight plans and authorization records on that craft. If that's not Mr Howe, I want to know who it is. - I got him. He's coming from the north. - Gates. Are you with me? Well, I'm sure not against you, if that's what you're asking. We've got some interference on Gates's mike, sir. This I know. Hello, Ben. Thomas Edison needed only one way to make a light bulb. Sound familiar? - Keep sightlines clear. - What's the devil's going on? There's a lot of commotion. We can't see Gates. Go to the starboard observation point behind the F-16 and here's what you do. Gates? Gates? Air Tour helicopter, you are in controlled airspace. Vacate immediately. Who's got Gates? - All agents, report in. - I can't see anything. - Did Gates speak to anybody? - Target is moving. - He's heading towards the stern. - I've got him. He's coming this way. Anyone got a view of our friend lan Howe? Ian Howe is not at the stern, sir. Then why is he heading there? He's at the observation deck. Sadusky. I'm still not against you. But I found door number three. And I'm taking it. - What's he talking about? - Move in! Move in! Move in on Gates! Divers are a go. - Snipers, go to action zebra. - All teams, move in. Pursue at own risk. - I repeat, pursue at own risk. - You first. Holy mackerel. He set us up. Agent Dawes, do you have a visual? Can you see Gates in the water? Sir, it's the Hudson. Nothing is visible. Smart fish. Hello, Ben. Welcome to New Jersey. - What'd you do with Abigail and Riley? - Hope these fit. We had to guess your sizes. I said, what'd you do with Abigail and Riley? He's the only one who could've told you that line about Edison. Did you bring the glasses? I don't know. Tell me what's happening here. Ask your girlfriend. She's the one calling all the shots now. She won't shut up. Yeah, hello. It's for you. - Hello. - Hi, sweetie. How's your day going? Uh, interesting, dear. So, what, you working with lan now? It turns out helping someone escape from FBI custody is a criminal act. And he's the only criminal we knew. - So we called him and made a deal. - Well, you're... You're... you're... you're all right, yeah? I mean you're safe£¿ Yeah, we both are. Riley's right here, doing something clever with a computer. I'm tracking him through the... Hey! I'm tracking you through the GPS in Shaw's phone. They take a turn anywhere we don't want, we'll know it. So don't worry. If lan tries to double-cross us, we can call the FBI and tell them right where you are. - And where to find lan. - And where is that? Right across the street from where we're hiding, at the intersection of Wall Street and Broadway. Well, you figured out the clue. Simple. "Heere at the wall." Wall Street and Broadway. Ben, there is a catch. We made lan believe he could have the treasure. It was the only way we could get this far. He's here. Here we go. Ben. You all right? No broken bones? A jump like that could kill a man. Naw, it was cool. You should try it sometime. The Declaration of Independence. And the meerschaum pipe. All yours. - That's it? - That's it. I knew you'd keep your promise. Now, where is it? Where's my treasure? It's right here. The map said "Heere at the wall", spelled with two E's. Wall Street follows the path of an actual wall that the original Dutch settlers built as a defence to keep the British out. The main gate was located at a street called De Heere, also two E's. Later De Heere Street was renamed Broadway after the British got in. So, "Heere at the wall." Broadway, Wall Street. Cheerio. Just a moment, Ben. Ian, if you break our deal, the FBI will be only a few minutes behind you. You might get away, you might not. Is that all the map said? Every word. Oh, Ben. You know the key to running a convincing bluff? Every once in a while you've got to be holding all the cards. Dad. Is there anything else you want to tell me£¿ Trinity Church. We have to go inside Trinity Church. Good. Excellent. Well, why don't you ask Dr Chase and Riley to join us? I'm sure they're around here somewhere. Are you all right? What do you think? I'm a hostage. Sit. Sit down. - Let him go, lan. - When we find the treasure. No, now. Or you can figure out the clues for yourself. Good luck. Ben. I don't think you fully appreciate the gravity of the situation. Let's have a look at that map. It's... It's... it's really quite something. It's... It really is remarkable. Take a look. - "Parkington Lane." - "Beneath Parkington Lane." But why would the map lead us here, then take us somewhere else? - What's the purpose? - Just another clue. Dad. No, you're right. Parkington Lane has to be here somewhere. A street inside the church? Not inside. Beneath. Beneath the church. - I'm so sorry, Ben. - None of this is your fault. - I co... - Come on. Look. Cooperation only lasts as long as the status quo is unchanged As soon as this guy gets to wherever this thing ends, he won't need you any more. Or... or any of us. So we find a way to make sure the status quo changes in our favour. - How? - I'm still working on it. Well, I guess I better work on it too, then. Hey! Par... Hey, I found it! - Him! - Ben! It's a name. Parkington Lane. He was a third-degree master mason of the Blue Lo... Hey! Stop! Easy. Careful no one steps in him. All right, put it down. OK. Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first? Right. McGregor, Viktor, you stay here. And if anyone should come out without me, well... use your imagination. Shall we? You got a light? Careful. Watch your step. Come here. Why does that never happen to me? What's this? It's a chandelier. Here. - Wow. - Look at the elevators A dumbwaiter system. How do a bunch of guys with hand tools build all this? Same way they built the pyramids and the Great Wall of China. Yeah. The aliens helped them. Right, let's go. What are we waiting for? I'm not going out on that thing. 200 years of termite damage and rot. Dad, do what he says. Watch your step. We're right under the Trinity graveyard. That's probably why no one ever found this. What is that? Subway. Shaw! Oh, God, Shaw! Oh, my God. Hold on! Hold on! OK, get on the elevator. Jump! £¡ Ben! Grab my hand. - Come on. - lan! Abigail! Get on! Jump! Here. Ben! Get down there. Get down there! The Declaration. - Do you trust me? - Yes. Oh, no! Ben! Hang on! Son! I'm sorry. I'm sorry I dropped you. I had to save the Declaration. No, don't be. I would have done exactly the same thing to you. Really? I would have dropped you both. Freaks. Get on. Ian... it's not worth it. Do you imagine any one of your lives is more valuable to me than Shaw's? We go on. The status quo. Keep the status quo. - Now what? - This is... This is where it all leads. OK, let's go. What is this? So where's the treasure? Well? This is it? We came all this way for a dead end? Yes. - There's gotta be something more. - Riley, there's nothing more. - Another clue, or... - No, there are no more clues! That's it, OK? It's over! End of the road. The treasure's gone. Moved. Taken somewhere else. You're not playing games with me, are you, Ben? Hm? You know where it is. No. OK, go. Hey, wait a minute. - Hey! Ian, wait! - Wait, wait, wait! - lan... - We'll be trapped. - Don't do this. - You can't just leave us here. Yes, I can. Unless Ben tells me the next clue. There isn't another clue. Ian, why don't you come back down here and we can talk through this together? - Don't speak again. - OK. The clue. Where's the treasure? Ben? - The lantern. - Dad... The status quo has changed, son. Don't. It's part of freemason teachings. In King Solomon's temple there was a winding staircase. It signified the journey that had to be made to find the light of truth. - The lantern is the clue. - And what does it mean? Boston. It's Boston. The Old North Church in Boston, where Thomas Newton hung a lantern in the steeple, to signal Paul Revere that the British were coming. One if by land, two if by sea. One lantern. Under the winding staircase of the steeple, that's where we have to look. - Thank you. - Hey, you have to take us with you. Why? So you can escape in Boston? Besides, with you out of the picture there's less baggage to carry. What if we lied? Did you? What if there's another clue? Then I'll know right where to find you. See you, Ben. - No! - There's no other way out! - Come back! - You're gonna need us, lan! We're all gonna die. It's gonna be OK, Riley. I'm sorry I yelled at you. It's OK, kiddo. OK, boys, what's going on? The British came by sea. It was two lanterns, not one. Ian needed another clue, so we gave it to him. It was a fake. It was a fake clue. The all-seeing eye. "Through the all-seeing eye." That means... by the time lan figures it out and comes back here, we'll still be trapped, and he'll shoot us then. Either way, we're gonna die. Nobody's gonna die. There's another way out. Where? Through the treasure room. Here. Riley. Looks like someone got here first. I'm sorry, Ben. It's gone. - Listen, Ben... - It may have even been gone before Charles Carroll told the story to Thomas Gates. It doesn't matter. I know. Cos you were right. No, I wasn't right. This room is real, Ben. And that means the treasure is real. We're in the company of some of the most brilliant minds in history, because you found what they left behind for us to find and understood the meaning of it. You did it, Ben. For all of us. Your grandfather, and all of us. And I've never been so happy to be proven wrong. I just... really thought I was gonna find the treasure. OK. Then we just keep looking for it. I'm in. OK. Not to be Johnny Rain Cloud here, but that's not gonna happen. Because as far as I can see, we're still trapped down here. Yeah. Now, Ben, where is this other way out£¿ Well, that's it. It doesn't make any sense, because the first thing the builders would have done after getting down here was cut a secondary shaft back out for air... - Right. ...and in case of cave-ins. Could it really be that simple? "The secret lies with Charlotte." Scrolls from the library at Alexandria. Could this be possible? It's a big... bluish-green man, with a strange-looking goatee. I'm guessing that's significant. Yes! Riley, are you crying? Look. Hi. Stairs Do you have a cell phone I could borrow? - Just like that? - Just like that. You do know you just handed me your biggest bargaining chip? The Declaration of Independence is not a bargaining chip. Not to me. Have a seat. So what's your offer? How about a bribe? Say... ten billion dollars? I take it you found the treasure? It's about five stories beneath your shoes. You know, the Templars and the Freemasons believed that the treasure was too great for any one man to have, not even a king. That's why they went to such lengths to keep it hidden. That's right. The Founding Fathers believed the same thing about government. I figure their solution will work for the treasure too. Give it to the people. Divide it amongst the Smithsonian, the Louvre, the Cairo museum... There's thousands of years of world history down there. And it belongs to the world, and everybody in it. You really don't understand the concept of a bargaining chip. OK, here's what I want. Dr Chase gets off completely clean, not even a little Post-it on her service record. 1417 01:58:53,329 -- 01:58:54,194 OK. I want the credit for the find to go to the entire Gates family, with the assistance of Mr Riley Poole. And what about you? I'd really love not to go to prison I can't even begin to describe how much I would love not to go to prison. Someone's got to go to prison, Ben. Well, if you've got a helicopter, I think I can help with that. Freeze! FBI! - Freeze! Don't move! - Show me your hands! - Put your hands up. - Move, move, move. You're under arrest, Mr Howe. We've got you on kidnapping, attempted murder... and trespassing on government property. Yeah. You got it, chief. Thank you. Bye. They want us in Cairo next week for the opening of the exhibit. They're sending a private jet. That's fun. Yeah, big whoop. We could have had a whole fleet of private jets. Ten per cent, Ben. They offered you ten per cent and you turned it down. Riley, we've been over this. It was too much. I couldn't accept it. I still have this splinter that's been festering for three months from an old piece of wood. OK, I'll tell you what. Next time we find a treasure that redefines history for all mankind, you make the call on the finder's fee. That's not as funny. What do you care? You got the girl. - It's true. - It's true. Rub it in. Enjoy your spoils... while I sit on one per cent. One stinkin' per cent. Half of one per cent, actually. One per cent. Unbelievable.. I'm sorry for your suffering, Riley. For the record, Ben, I like the house. You know, I chose this estate because in 1812 Charles Carroll met... Yeah, someone that did something in history and had fun. Great. Wonderful. Could have had a bigger house. - I made something for you. - You did? What? - A map. - A map? Where does it lead to? You'll figure it out. [ Man ] Previously on Angel. - [ Gasps ] - You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy [ Wesley ] She's being hollowed out so this thing can claw its way back into the world. - Let's save the day. -[ Wesley ] It's called Illyria-- a great monarch and warrior of the Demon Age. [ Gasps ] Why can't I stay? [ Groans ] This will do. Fred? Illyria? My name. You would presume to speak my name? Because I am returned in the body of a human, you think you can speak to me. - It's disgusting. - Who is Winifred Burkle? I thought the humans would have long died out by now. Instead you've grown bold. - So you don't know who Fred is? - Nor care. Bleat at me no longer. We're done. Yes. We are. Oh. Now I remember. Winifred Burkle is the shell I'm in. She's the woman you killed. This is grief. I'm watching human grief. It's like offal in my mouth. If you stay here, you'll taste it every day, every second. Look. Humans rule the Earth. They will last for millennia... like roaches crawling everywhere... crying and sweating... and puking their feelings all over you. Go back. Sleep until the humans are gone. They are stupid and weak. They'll kill each other off... and you can return to the world you deserve. Leave this shell. You seek to save what's rotted through. This carcass is bound to me. I could not change that if I cared to. But you have opened my eyes to truth. If the world is truly overrun by humans... then I have work to do. Can't even get drunk. Why would anyone ever make a bottle this small? It's inhuman. Thousands would have died if we'd saved her. Yeah. She wouldn't have wanted that. [ Sighs ] Yeah. I tried calling Wes. There's no answer. Guess she's gone then. It's like a bloody tease. It's, like, here's what a bottle ofJack would look like... if you actually had one. Or here's a drink, but it's very far away. What does that mean, really? It's a play on perspective. Gone. Wh-What does it mean, that she's gone? Well, in the world of men, a person dies, they stay that way. - Unless you're a vampire. - Or the ghost of one that saved the world. Or Buffy. Death doesn't have to be the end, not in our world. Rules can be broken. All you have to do is push hard enough. - Gonna torture him? - Thinkin' about it. Can I help? I'm really good at it. Thanks, but this is kind of personal. Why do you think I wanna help? Because I've got some kind of blood lust? Well, okay, that too, but Fred's my friend. We went out for drinks all the-- once. And if Poindexter here had anything to do with hurting her... then I'm in for a big, fat pound of flesh! Angel? He's on his way back. How's Fred? - You tied Knox up. - We're gonna torture him. Good. Why? He knows what's happening. Been hiding it the whole time. I just need a few minutes alone. - He's involved in this? - Pretty sure. - Why didn't you tell me? - Yeah, buddy. Why didn't you? - Shut up! - I thought we wanted him to talk. - Whatever he knows-- - Doesn't matter anymore. Fred's gone. [ Knox Chortling ] I'm sorry. It's just, um-- It's not what you think. It's- - It's beautiful. Tell them. Tell them what happened. The infection-- Illyria consumed her... took over her body. Then it's still Fred, right? This thing is just controlling-- She's... gone. - You don't know that. - Wait. I'm confused. It looks like Fred, but it's not? She's so much more than that now. Beyond flesh. Beyond perfection. I loved Fred. I really did. She had a warmth that took you in and held you... until everything cold and distant melted away. She was the most beautiful, perfect woman... I ever met. That's why I chose her. She's the only one that was worthy. Wes, don't. - We need him. I know how you feel. - You know-- You didn't feel her die. She was shaking with pain and terrified and so brave. She was better than anyone I've known. Better than-- She's gone. I know. Now let's get her back. - So that's it? England was a bust? - Not entirely. We found out where the sarcophagus came from. There were thousands of'em. - Minus one. - What about this Drogyn character? He wouldn't help? He couldn't. We were too late. I should have seen it. Knox. He sang for me, and I should have seen this. - It's not your fault. - If I'd concentrated harder, read him better, maybe Fred-- There's a lot we might have done... starting with never coming to Wolfram and Hart in the first place. We can beat ourselves up over it later, but right now-- I'm sorry, Angelcakes. I- - I got nothin � I'm sorry. - [ Sighs ] Lorne! - No, let him go. If he's doubting himself, he won't be any good to us. Lorne's right. We should have seen this coming. Wouldn't have made a difference. Drogyn said the sarcophagus was preordained to be released. Nothing could have stopped it from arriving. That's not completely true. I played a round of piñata with lab boy while you were gone. The sarcophagus was stuck in Customs... and it should have stayed there, but someone got it out. Who? - I'm working on it. - Oh. You're working on it. Good for you, Charles. Not a moment to lose. [ Angel ] Wes. I know you're hurting. Keep your footing. I need you sharp, all of you, for Fred's sake. - There is no Fred anymore. - You don't know that. I watched it gut her from the inside out. Everything she was is gone. There is nothing left but a shell. Then we'll figure out a way to fill it back up. The thing only took over her body. Just the tip of the theological. It's the soul that matters. Trust us. We're kind of experts. What about her-- if her organs have been liquefied? Flash fried in a pillar of fire, saving the world. I got better. You really believe there's a chance of bringing her back? Fred's soul is out there somewhere. We'll find it and we'll put it back where it belongs. We'll make every son of a bitch who had a hand in this pay. We all on the same page? - Where do we start? - We need the big guns. - Willow. - Won't be the first time she rattled the dead. Last time I heard, she was in South America. We'll track her down and get her here as soon as we can. In the meantime, we need to contain Illyria. Wes,you're the only one who had contact. Any idea where she's headed? Hey! Come back here, you little-- Oh, my God. Fred? I knew you'd come for me. My life is yours. I- - I worship you. Yes, I know. Worship. I've been waiting so long for this. I've loved you from the moment I saw you. I was 1 1 . You were ancient. Pressed between the pages of the forbidden texts. I would stare at you for hours, locked in my room. My mom thought I was looking at porn. You are the Qwa'ha Xahn. I am your priest. I am your servant. I am your guide in this world. I have taken your sacraments and placed them close to my heart... according to the ancient ways. That's why you were called to me. We're bound together. My last Qwa'ha Xahn was taller. I-I may be shrinking a bit... in the glory of your presence. This world-- it's not how I left it. I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do about that. But I can. O-Okay. Himalayas? I thought she was in South America. - We got a branch in Tibet? How 'bout a couple of Sherpas? - All right, look. What do you mean, she's not on this plane? You just said-- Astral projection? Is there any way to get her astral over to L.A.? Giles, this is an emergency. No. No, I'm not going to-- Don't put me on hold.! Never a witch around when you need one. It'll work out. It has to. I've been unreasonable... because I've lost all reason. But I shouldn't be taking it out on you. I know you've done everything you can. I'm sorry. [ Shaky Inhaling ] So am I. Yeah, I'm still at Wolfram and Hart. What does that have to do with anything? Yeah. I understand. - We're on our own. - Good, 'cause I was wondering. - Nothing's changed. We find Illyria and-- - Smack her a good one for me? So gonna leave a mark. [ Loud Whooshing Sound ] - [ Sound Stops ] - Is that it? Yeah. I'm ready to begin. Or we couldjust hang out. A warrior. I was beginning to wonder if this world was void of your kind. Plenty of us to go around, luv. Two half-breeds and a band of primitives. Is this all that challenges me now? That and a whole lot of bullets. Enough to temporarily incapacitate even you. We know what you are, Illyria. We've seen the rest of your kind. All the Old Ones, sealed away forever... like you were, where you should have stayed. You've taken something of ours... something very precious. Stand down, and I promise... we won't destroy you taking it back. Your choice. I decline. [ Gunn ] Take her.! [ Groaning ] [ Bell Dings ] Sorry, boss. Maybe if I'd stopped her back in Gunn's office-- - Did she toss you out a window? - No. - Then you're one up on me. Hey, what do you got? - Smoke and mirrors. - No trace of either of them. - [ Gunn ] Put tactical on Code Black. - If Illyria shows up again-- - She won't. She got what she came for. - Knox? - And some spiffy new threads. - Any idea how she got past you? - One second she was standing there, the next, poof. - She's a teleporter. - [ Wesley ] I don't think so. No characteristic displacement of the atmosphere around her. I fancied I saw a blur just before she went Houdini. Like she was pulling a Barry Allen. Jay Garrick? Wally-- - She was moving really fast. - Or we were moving very slow. - Great. She's superstrong, and she can alter time. - Well, that's not fair. It makes it complicated, but doesn't change what we need to do. Wes, take the lab apart, check Knox's files, the sarcophagus, anything to help get Fred back. Come on. I got a degree in tearing things up. Never a truer word. I got a few contacts I could try, see if anything shakes loose. Great. Do it. Let's see if we can track her down, figure out where she's headed. Any thoughts on how we're supposed to track Fred? Or Illyria? Or whatever the hell that thing was? We just do it. That's all. Back in the lab, she was standing right there in front of me... but there was no scent, nothing. It was like she wasn't even there. I know. Look... I want Fred back as much as any of us... but seeing her there like that-- - Maybe she really is-- - No. I lost Cordelia because some thing violated her... crawled inside, used her up. No way in hell... am I letting that happen again. I never trusted that little nerd. The rumpled hair, socks that didn't match... that cute, lopsided grin. So totally playing it up. I mean, who did he think he was fooling? Besides all of us. Um, shouldn't you be wearing one of those... moon suits? - I think this has done all the damage it's going to. - Right. Mind if I put one on? She was curious. That's why Fred didn't put it into containment immediately. How things work. What makes them special. She was always searching for what other people couldn't see. She was just curious. I think I hate her a little for that. - Wes. - Hand me the pry bar. The girl of your dreams loved you. That's more than most people ever get. I know... but it isn't enough. Wes! Stop it! Wes! Appreciate the urge to smash, but that's not helping. No. - But this might. - I thought that was supposed to be unbreakable or something. Time. The markings refer to a series of concussively timed intervals. This gem is the focal point of the sarcophagus. It might be useful, if it isn't already drained. Got me beat. All I found was a cell phone and a cheese sandwich. Was it Knox's? It had his name written on the bag, with a little smiley face in the "O," the big girl. - The cell phone, Harmony. - Oh. Um, I think so. Got a Rick Springfield screen saver, which opens up a whole new set of questions. - [ Phone Beeping ] - Outgoing numbers have all been deleted. Same for incoming calls. [ Sighs ] What about missed calls? Knox couldn't have erased them if he didn't have his lady phone on him. Three in the last few hours... all from the same person. Always messy when you have to open them up. That's why I prefer the less invasive procedures. Never got used to the sight of blood. Ugh. Still makes me nauseous. Then this is gonna be an uncomfortable conversation. I'm disappointed in you, Mr. Gunn. All the knowledge and deductive reasoning we've implanted in your brain... [ Laughs ] and it's taken you this long to sniff your way back to me? - Been a little preoccupied. - Ah, yes. Miss Burkle. How is she? You want to get real straight with me real fast. Of course. Customer's always right. Everything you know... or there won't be enough of you left to stitch back together, Frankenstein. The sarcophagus contained the essence of an Old One... a race of ancient demons dead and buried for millions of years... in a place called a Deeper Well. Not hearing anything I don't already know. Why do you think I'm telling you? [ Grunts, Coughing ] How do you bring Fred back? How? [ Panting ] You can't. I don't believe that. You know a way. You have to. Get the sarcophagus released from Customs... in exchange for making your cerebral alterations permanent. That was the bargain and the extent of my involvement. Then take it back. Everything you put in my head-- the law, all the knowledge-- take it back, everything. Take more. Leave me a vegetable. I don't care. Just bring her back, please. Bring her back. There's nothing left to bring back. Miss Burkle's soul was consumed by the fires of resurrection. Everything she was... is gone forever. [ Sighs ] For better or worse, you made a deal, Mr. Gunn. I suggest you learn to live with it. Is there something you'd like to tell me, Charles? Knox was in contact with the doctor. - But you already know that, don't you? - Yeah, one of my sources-- Don't. What he said about Fred... about her soul-- Is it true? What did you do, Charles? It was just a piece of paper. I was losing it-- everything they put in my head... everything that made me different... special. And he could fix it, make it permanent. So I signed a piece of paper. It was a Customs release form. I didn't think anyone would get hurt. Nothing from Wolfram and Hart is ever free. You knew that. I couldn't go back to being just the muscle. I didn't think it would be one of us. I didn't think it would be Fred. I understand not wanting to go back... not wanting to be who you were. I understand it, and I can forgive it. But you knew what was happening to her. You knew who was responsible, and you didn't say anything. You let her die. [ Grunts ] I'm less forgiving about that. - What the hell did you do? - What I had to. I don't remember seeing "stab Gunn" on the agenda this morning. I avoided the major organs. He'll probably live. - That's supposed to make it all right? - Nothing is all right! Nothing will ever be all right. - We'll get her back, Wes. - No, we won't. Fred's soul was-- Fred's soul was destroyed resurrecting Illyria. Are you sure? - What about Gunn? - He let the sarcophagus in to Wolfram and Hart. What he knew, when he knew it-- It doesn't change what happened. He let her die. So did I. At the well in England... there was a way to save Fred... but only if thousands of others died in her place. As much as I love Fred, I couldn't let that happen. I need you to bury it-- everything you're feeling, everyone you wanna hurt. I need you to put it aside and focus on what has to be done. Illyria. - We need to stop her before-- - She unleashes hell on Earth? What'd you get out of the doctor? Screams, various fluids... and a name- - Vahla ha'Nesh. Vahla ha'Nesh. What does that mean? It's her temple. This is where she was supposed to be resurrected. - That's Illyria. - In its native form. What are these smaller bits? Her army of doom. - There's a shock. - They were entombed with her. - Waiting for her return. - To Los Angeles? This is where her temple was millions of years ago, and it's still here. You think I would've remembered seeing something like this parked next to the Ralph's. It's out of phase with our time stream. - Only Illyria can open the gateway. - Any idea how we stop her? Your breed is fragile. How is it they came to control this world? Opposable thumbs? Um, fire? Television. What they lack in strength, they make up for in extraordinary sneakiness. - You are deceivers. - Yes. All of them. - They deserve to be punished. - "They"? - You don't consider yourself part of your race? - Not anymore. I'm with the king. Open the gateway. Raise your army. Wash humanity from the face of the Earth... and reclaim what was lost to you so many millennia ago... when the world was ruled by-- - Be silent. - Right. Sorry. My bad. [ Rumbling ] - The gateway's blocked. - I was afraid of that. Wolfram and Hart probably threw a lock on it. They're big on things happening on their timetable. The wolf, ram and hart? In my time, they were weak, barely above the vampire. Huh. I guess they beefed up. But not to worry. I brought my skeleton key,just in case. [ Beeping ] There's some stuff you need to sign. I don't think Angel wants me to be signing anything right now. Yeah. Um, that's what these are about. [ Sighs ] Nobody else could stomach bringing these down? [ Sighs ] Is it true... what they're saying about you? I guess it is. How could you do that to your friends, to Fred? Because I was weak. [ Scoffs ] Because I wanted to be somebody that I wasn't. 'Cause I don't know where I fit. 'Cause I never did. 'Cause a thousand other reasons that don't mean a damn... 'cause she's gone. She's gone... and she's not coming back... because of me. I did this... and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. [ Explosion ] Showtime. [ Spike ] Any seats left? If not, we can just stand in the back. Guys, you should scan the headlines here. - You can't win this. - Then we all die trying. - Why? - [ Angel ] You want the short version? Let's start with you walkin' around looking like the woman you murdered. You think your actions will restore her. - No. - Yet you seek a confrontation you cannot win. What you're trying to do-- raise your army, reclaim your world-- innocent people would die, like Fred. - I can't let that happen. - You are the protector of these creatures? - Yes. - You'd fight for their lives? Yes. Even this one? Is that an issue? I-Is my life in peril, boss? King? You're about as low as it gets, Knox, but you're a part ofhumanity. That isn't always pretty, but it's a hell of a lot better than what came before. And if it comes down to a choice between you and him... then, yes, I would fight for his life... just like any other human's... because that's what people do, that's what makes us-- - [ Gunshot ] - [ Shell Rattling On Ground ] Were you even listening? You've destroyed my Qwa'ha Xahn. Yeah, okay, but you've gotta admit, he had it coming. It offends me that you think he matters. You're right. He's not the problem. You are. [ Gunshots ] Unimpressive. What's the rush? How? From your sarcophagus. It's connected to you. I'm connected to it. Sneaky. You're too late. My army will rise. This world will be mine once again. No. It can't be. It's gone. My world is gone. Now you know how I feel. No army of doom scorching the Earth. Huzzah for our side. We need to close the gateway to Illyria's temple, permanently. I don't want any more surprises. - What about the leather queen? - She still has enough juice to be a threat. We regroup, and we take care of it. Wes? It's all we can do. I'll be in the lab. [ Sighs ] Long day. [ Sniffs ] That offer still good? Send me abroad, roving agent and all? Yeah, it's still good. Great. Maybe you should send Gunn... before Wes has another poke. - You're not leaving? - It's what she would've wanted. [ Sighs ] It's what I want. I don't really like you. I suppose I never will. But this is important... what's happening here. Fred gave her life for it. The least I can do is give what's left of mine. The fight's coming, Angel. We both feel it. And it's gonna be a hell of a lot bigger than Illyria. Things are gonna get ugly. That's where I live. You grieve still... for a single life. Why are you here? I-- I'm uncertain. This place... was part of the shell. Don't call her-- The woman you killed had a name. This is important to you. Things have names. The shell. Winifred Burkle. She can't return to you. I know. Yet there are fragments. When her brain collapsed... electrical spasms channeled into my function system. Memories. [ Sparking ] Please. Wesley, why can't I stay? No. Leave. I have nowhere to go. My kingdom is long dead. Long dead. There's so much I don't understand. I become overwhelmed. I'm unsure of my place. Your place is with the rest of your people-- dead and turned to ash. Perhaps. But I exist here. I must learn to walk in this world. I'll need your help... Wesley. If I were to help you find your way... you have to learn to change. You mustn't kill. You killed the Qwa'ha Xahn in defiance of your leader. He murdered the woman I love. And that made it just. No. It wasn't just. I'm probably the last man in the world... to teach you what's right. But you will. If I abide, you will help me. Yes. Because I look like her? Yes. We cling to what is gone. Is there anything in this life but grief? There's love. There's hope... for some. There's hope that you'll find something worthy... that your life will lead you to some joy... that after everything... you can still be surprised. Is that enough? Is that enough to live on? (narrator) In the criminal justice system, sexually-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories. [Police radio buzzing] Suspect turned east from Columbus onto 95. [Police radio chattering] [Police siren wailing] I lost him between Columbus and CPW. Get him, Sammy. Get him. [Sammy barking] Get away from me. Get the hell off me. [Screams] (dog handler) Out, out. [Police siren wailing] Good girl, good girl. Thanks. [Grunting] I didn't do anything. Name. Screw you. Screw You, you're under arrest for attempted rape until we nail you for the other 11. Prove it. Does he look familiar to you? That's him. That's the bastard who tried to rape me! See, Screw You? Wasn't that easy? (dog handler) Detectives, you better come down here. Sammy found a body. (dog handler) She's cold. Been dead for a while. I'll tape off the street. Heel. Looks like he was either tryin' to protect her or hide her. Got a wound to the back of the head. [Police radio chattering] No blood on the ground. Could be a dump job. Shannon Coyle, 16, from Brooklyn. Sixth street in Park Slope. Logo on the backpack says WTP. William Theodore Prep's two blocks from here. Doesn't look like a robbery. There's $70 in the wallet and a credit card. This couldn't be our rapist. Lucky break the dog found her. Not too lucky for the parents. [Sighing] Let's notify them, get them down to the morgue. (Warner) Your victim died of a massive cerebral hemorrhage caused by blunt force trauma. (Stabler) Time of death? Based on body temp, I'd say between 10:00 and 11:00 last night. And she definitely had sex before she died. I found traces of spermicide. Rape? No genital trauma, but sex and getting your head bashed in don't usually go together. Get in touch with the parents? Her father's out of the country. Mrs. Coyle and her son Brian are right outside. I'll wheel her in front of the camera. (Fin) She wants to see her. Mrs. Coyle, I'm Det. Stabler. Det. Benson. This is Dr. Warner. You sure about this? She's my daughter. Please. Oh, God! [Sniffling] Oh, baby. Oh, you're so cold. Oh, my sweet baby. [Crying] (Susan) Shannon always told me where she was going and who she was with. So when I hadn't heard from her by 9:00, I knew something was wrong. I don't know how I'm goin' to tell her father. (Benson) Is your husband on a business trip? For the last two and a half months. My husband, Barry, works for a French engineering firm. They're somewhere in the Congo s-surveying to build a dam. Mrs. Coyle, how was Shannon doing in school? She was a straight-A student. I mean, I think she cut an occasional class, but she was never any trouble. Hey, Brian, was there anyone she didn't like, someone giving' her a hard time? If there was, she would have told me. Mrs. Coyle, there's evidence that your daughter had sex before she died. She was raped? (Stabler) We don't know that for sure, but we have to consider all possibilities. Can you think of anyone that she may have been involved with? If my daughter was having sex, she would have told me. And when is the last time you heard from her? 2:30 yesterday afternoon. She called me from her cell phone and said she was gonna be late. Her choir teacher called an extra rehearsal. This is Shannon. (girl) See you later, Shannon. Lisa Faber, you just sang a solo in the winter concert and you have a trig midterm tomorrow. What are you going to do now? Cry? [Both giggling] Hi, Mom. This reminds me of Elizabeth's friends. Typical high school kids. What do you think? Confident, good self-esteem, communicative. Shannon seems well-adjusted. In other words, a normal, healthy teenager. Computer Crimes get anything off her hard drive? It's clean. There's no visits to chat rooms, no suspicious e-mails. Maybe it was a random attack. Doubt it. I checked the inventory of Shannon's backpack. No cell phone. The perp must've taken it thinking his number was in the memory. Which points to someone she knew. Well, Warner says that Shannon had sex, but the mother and brother say she wasn't seeing anyone. Which means Mom doesn't know that Shannon was sexually active. Maybe her friends do. The school has given us the cafeteria for interviews. John, Fin, see if they can help us reconstruct her day. Shannon was last seen at choir practice. You two start with the music teacher. Shannon was the best of the best. Two years, never missed a rehearsal. Beautiful voice, unlimited potential. I feel like I lost my own child. Do you always rehearse after school, Mr. Abruzzo? Please, call me Steve. Um, no, not usually. But the state competition is just a few weeks away, and we need extra practice. Steve, how late did you keep the kids yesterday? Till 5:00. I don't want their parents to complain that they missed dinner. Do you have any idea if Shannon was headed home? I wish I knew. Would she know? That's, uh, Lisa Faber. She might. She and Shannon were joined at the hip. We, uh, we went for a cup of coffee around the corner, after rehearsal. I'm sorry. It's okay, Lisa. What time did you leave? Um, like, 6:00, uh, I think. And did Shannon say where she was going? No, but I figured home. Did you see her before choir? Yeah, I mean, Shannon and I have two classes together. American History and Trig. Seventh and eighth periods. And before that? We had lunch. (Fin) Here? The food here sucks. We grabbed a couple of slices at Ray's up the street. You walk over together? No, we met there. Did she make it to her morning classes? Probably. She was in homeroom. (Stabler) Did you talk to her? Every day for the past three years. Uh, my last name's Connor, hers is Coyle. She sat behind me. You know if she was dating anyone? She wouldn't talk to me about that. Lisa would know. Shannon wasn't going out with anyone. Not that she wasn't asked. Constantly. How do you and Shannon usually get home? I walk. She, uh, takes the subway. But it was freezing last night, so she hopped a cab. (Stabler) Cab companies I talked to can't find a fare logged from the coffee shop to Park Slope. I'm still lookin'. Nobody we've interviewed saw Shannon after 6:00 p.m. She didn't die until 10:00. That's a lot of hours unaccounted for. (Fin) Looking for you guys. Just ran every male employee at William Theodore Prep. All clean. Only bump was the choir teacher, Steven Abruzzo. (Cragen) What'd you find out? He's new on the job. Just finished a six year gig up in Riverdale at Garfield High. What happened? I don't know. All anyone's sayin' is he suddenly quit at the end of the last school year. Go ask Mr. Music why. (all) ¢Ü Our gracious king ¢Ü¢Ü Okay, let's, um, let's take a break. Wow. They sound great. Yeah. I was gonna cancel practice, but, um, the kids said Shannon would have wanted them to sing. I think they need an outlet for their emotions. Sounds like you do, too. We know what happened at your last school. Why bring that up? Well, let's see. One of your students is dead. And apparently you like younger women. A lot younger. That complaint cost me tenure and a pay raise. (Stabler) That's a pretty high price to pay if you're innocent. Damn right. It was a load of crap. Really? That girl said that you invited her over to your place for a private voice lesson. She's a liar, all right? [Phone ringing] Constantly cut class. I gave her a D. This is what I get for tryin' to do my job. Look, Detective, teaching is my life, okay? I would never do anything to hurt these kids. Elliot. I hope not. The lab found something in Shannon's purse. (Benson) So what have you got? A heart-shaped keychain. With a super-lock key. Costs $10 to replace. It match the locks at Shannon's place? No, but I'm betting this key to her heart opens wherever she got these. They were tucked in with the keychain. Condoms. So, no boyfriend, but she's ready to have safe sex. Maybe with the guy whose print's on the wrapper. Right forefinger, beautiful 10-point match. In the system? No rap sheet. Pre-employment prints from the board of Ed. Some teacher. Steven Abruzzo. How'd you know? I'm a good judge of character. (Stabler) What do you know, a super lock. Let's test our evidence. [Girl moaning] A school backpack. What's that sound like to you? Statutory rape. [Girl continues moaning] (Benson) Sorry to interrupt. (Stabler) Get up, now. You can't just break in here! We didn't. We heard a girl in trouble. Same brand as Shannon. Hey, get up. Get dressed. Lisa. You're crazy if you think I killed Shannon. You're screwing one student. You were screwing Shannon, too. You workin' your way through the 11th grade, Steve? I never slept with her. I believe him, don't you? He's probably passing' out condoms to his female students so they'll practice safe sex. Or maybe Shannon finds out you're doin' her best friend. She tells anybody, your career's history. So I murder her? Are you insane? Your career's over anyway, choir boy. Lisa's 16. She's jailbait. Steve didn't force me to do anything I didn't want him to. We're in love. The law says that you can't consent to sex. And I'm not pressing charges. We'll do that. But right now Steve's looking pretty good for murder. My parents are on vacation. I spent the night at Steve's place. He didn't go near Shannon. No? She got these condoms from a box inside Steve's apartment. They match the spermicide that we found in Shannon. How do you explain that? I gave Shannon the key to Steve's apartment so she could see her boyfriend. Their... their parents said they couldn't go out, so they had to sneak around. They sneak around last night? [Sighing] Steve had a meeting, so we hung out at his apartment. They went in the bedroom for, like, an hour, then they left. Together? In the same taxi. Boyfriend's name? Aidan. How'd you get past the doorman? Det. Benson. This is Det. Stabler. Is Aidan home? I'm his mother. What's this about? Well, one of his classmates was murdered. I heard. It's awful. Aidan, come to the door. What's up, Mom? This is ludicrous. Our son's not a murderer. You lied to me. I had to. They didn't know Shannon and I were goin' out. Shannon was your girlfriend? Even after I told you to stay away from her? Debra, now is not the time. There's nothin' wrong with her like you think. I didn't kill Shannon. I loved her. Aidan, we know that you two had sex the night she was murdered. What in God's name did you do? Debra, please. Please. (Benson) Where did you go after you left Mr. Abruzzo's apartment? We got into a cab. Shannon was goin' to Brooklyn, so we dropped me off first. What time? (Aidan) Around 8:30. The taxi let me off down the block from our building so my folks wouldn't see us. But Dad was already there, gettin' out of another cab. It's true. I still have the receipt. Where were you after that, Aidan? Home. All night. Ask our doorman. We're gonna need a DNA sample from your son. I think we should call a lawyer. [Knocking on door] Detectives. Excuse us. Fin located Shannon's cabbie, who said Shannon took a call right after they dropped off Aidan. Then she told the cabbie to take her to the school. TARU is dumpin' her cell phone. This can't be good news. Shannon Coyle was eight weeks pregnant with a girl. Aidan's got to be the father. (Warner) He can't be. How do you know that? We haven't taken his DNA. Don't need it. All of us get half our DNA from our mother and half from our father. The fetus had 62 percent of the same genes as Shannon. So she and the baby's father are related. So we're talking about incest. With who? Most likely her brother, but possibly her father, or uncle, or first cousin. Well, the pregnancy is enough motive for any one of them to want to shut Shannon up. Aidan still could've killed her. Until we can prove it, there's nothin' to hold him on. You better tell Shannon's mother. Pregnant? That can't be true. Mrs. Coyle, we understand how difficult this is, but the DNA proves that the baby's father was related to Shannon. What do you mean? Do you remember Shannon spending any time with, uh, uncles or cousins about two months ago? No, she doesn't have any uncles or cousins. My husband, Barry, is an only child. He's been out of the country for 11 weeks. Oh, God. No. [Cries] Brian? Brian, did you get Shannon pregnant? Tell me what you did. You tell me! I didn't do it! Did you get her pregnant? Mom, please. Tell me if you got her pregnant! Mrs. Coyle! Mrs. Coyle, calm down. (Benson) Come down the stairs. Mom, I never touched her. Shut up! You shut up! Brian, you're gonna have to come with us. Mrs. Coyle, we need your permission to test your son's DNA. Do whatever you want with him. Come on. I was home the night Shannon died. Mom will tell you. I'm sure she will. I didn't kill my sister, okay? Okay. I never slept with her. Brian, I know how tough it is. You accidentally see Shannon comin' out of the shower. Undressing in her room. You're sick. She looks good, like all the girls at school. That's disgusting. Stop! You couldn't help... Stop! I never touched Shannon! How could I be the father of her baby? Hey, what about your dad? You sure he's out of town? Why would he come back and not tell us? We can't even have Shannon's funeral until he gets here. Barry Coyle's company confirms that he's been working in Africa. So Brian is the only one who could have impregnated his sister. Elliot's got him at the ME for a DNA test. No arrest until we get the results. Well, he may have killed Shannon. Just because he slept with her? I can't take that to the grand jury. Susan Coyle called. She said she lost her head when she tried to beat the crap out of Brian. I'm not sure I would have reacted different. Is there any history of previous abuse? Neighbors never even heard them talk loud. They say that Susan keeps to herself. She lives for those kids. What does Brian say? He wants to go home. Then cut him loose. He's not the only suspect. We know where Aidan and Brian were the night of the murder? Parents' alibi for both of them. But parents cover for their kids. Let's find out who's lying. Start with the Connors, and ask them why they didn't want Romeo and Juliet to see each other. (Debra) Sweetheart, I expect a call when you're through with study group. Night, Mom. Bye, Dad. (Jason) Okay. We wouldn't lie to you, Detectives. Aidan was here all night. Mrs. Connor, why didn't you want your son Aidan to go out with Shannon? Because of her mother. I've known Susan since our kids started kindergarten. We used to be friends. What happened? Well, I kept asking her when we were gonna go out together. You know, like civilized couples do. She kept making excuses about her husband being away, and I finally realized they thought they were too good for us. Or we were too good for them. Look, I am really sorry about what happened to Shannon, but my Aidan can do much better. Jason, it's a Maggie Norris. What do you think? Magnificent. How many more? Just the Dior. Oh, be a dear and stop at the vaults, pick up my diamonds tomorrow. We're hosting the Manhattan Hospital benefit tomorrow night. I have to apologize for my wife. She's a bit of a snob. You don't agree with her about the Coyles? Barry Coyle's donated a lot of money to William Theodore Prep. So you've met him. Sure. Played golf with him a few times. My wife would kill me if she found out. I'm a developer, he's an engineer. We had plenty to talk about. He's a very down-to-earth guy. Really into his kids. [Cell phone ringing] (Benson) Did you ever meet Shannon? I've met all of Aidan's friends. But you didn't know that they were dating. No, but I know my son. Forget killing his girlfriend. He wouldn't hurt a fly. (Stabler on phone) Okay. Well, thanks for everything. We'll be in touch. TARU got the dump on Shannon's cell phone. Munch and Fin are on it. (Morales) It's just like the mother told you. Shannon called home from her cell at 2:31 the afternoon she was murdered. Then Shannon's at school until 5:00. She has coffee with her friend Lisa until 6:00. Back to the teacher's place for a little lovin' with Aidan. They leave at 8:00. Drop Aidan off on the corner at 8:30. All right, then the cab takes her to school at 8:30. When was that last call? 8:34. Incoming to Shannon's phone from a blocked number. You able to unblock it? Traced it to her cell phone. Billed to one Jason Connor. Aidan called Shannon back, they go out again, which makes him the last one to talk to her before she was killed. You better take this. [Phone ringing] [Tires screeching] Sector car responded to a call for shots fired. They found him all bloodied up in the driver's seat. What was he doin' here? Working. It's his latest construction project across the street. .25-caliber Beretta Jetfire. CSU found it under the car. Already dusted. No prints. Whoever did it wanted to make sure Jason Connor was dead. Emptied the whole clip into him. Anybody think this is a coincidence? First Shannon is killed, now her boyfriend's father. Why? The night of Shannon's murder, Jason Connor saw Shannon and Aidan in a taxi together. I think that Aidan Connor murdered Shannon, and then his father. How do you figure? (Benson) Aidan finds out that Shannon's pregnant. He knows he used condoms when they had sex. He thinks Shannon cheated on him. The tragedy is it was with her brother. Yeah, but Aidan didn't know that. He killed Shannon, then he realizes the last person to see them together was his father. You murder your father to cover up killing your girlfriend? That's cold. [Phone ringing] The kid doesn't strike me as a sociopath. Captain, this kid has lied to us every single time we've talked to him. You want us to bring Aidan in? The mother's just gonna lawyer him up, especially now that dad's dead. Ballistics traced the gun. Bought in Pennsylvania in 1985 by Jason Connor. That narrows down our suspect pool. Yeah, to Aidan. Better not jump to conclusions. The gun's registered to Susan Coyle. [Doorbell buzzing] How many times will you knock? Let's talk to a neighbor. (woman) Can I help you? (Benson) Police. We're looking for Susan and Brian Coyle. They left early this morning. Woke me up out of a deep sleep putting a bunch of suitcases into the trunk of their car. Did she say where they were going? Greensburg, Pennsylvania. Wish they were havin' it here, though. Having what here? Shannon's funeral. She was a sweet girl. Thank you. It's pretty hard to have a funeral when the ME hasn't released her body. Why would Susan be running if she didn't murder Jason? What was she doing with his gun? Maybe they knew each other a lot better than Jason let on. Having an affair? Susan Coyle and Jason Connor were definitely having an affair. How do you know that? I'll show you. (Benson) The Coyle family tree. We call it a genotype. We know Shannon's fetus should have had half its genes from Shannon and half from the father. I re-tested the DNA, just in case the samples were contaminated. Got the same results. The fetus has 62 percent of Shannon's genes. So it was incest. Yes, but her brother Brian's not a match. And we know that her father, Barry, was gone for more than eight weeks. So it couldn't have been him. So who got Shannon pregnant? At first I thought there was another sibling we didn't know about or the family lied about no uncles or cousins. We checked and we couldn't find any. Then there's only one other option: The fetus has a double grandparent. What the hell does that mean? The DNA confirms it. Shannon and the guy who impregnated her have the same father. Jason Connor and Barry Coyle are the same person. Which means that Aidan Connor is the father of Shannon's baby. (Debra) It all makes sense now. Jason's behavior, all those trips out of town to manage his projects. Why Susan never wanted us to meet Barry. He was a fraud. He didn't exist. You're sure Aidan didn't know. [Sighing] I'm not sure of anything now. We have to tell him. No, please. He's a good boy. First his girlfriend gets murdered, then his father. [Sighing] I don't think he can handle any more. I'm sorry, but we have to find out who killed your husband. [Phone ringing] Where's my mom? With my boss. You and I, we gotta talk privately. Look, I told you I didn't kill Shannon. I believe you. There's something you need to know. About what? Your father. Do you know who shot him? We're investigating. Uh, I know how much you loved your dad. So what I'm about to tell you is not gonna be easy to understand. Did he do something wrong? Aidan, your father was also Shannon's father. Shannon's not my sister. Our DNA tests prove she is. How can you know this? Because Shannon was pregnant, and we tested the fetus's genes. The fetus? Oh, God. Aidan, listen to me. This is not your fault. No. None of this is your fault. No. She was my sister? I had sex with my sister? [Vomiting] [Yelling] [Sobbing] He couldn't fake that kind of physical reaction. This kid didn't kill anyone. Susan and Brian Coyle just turned up south of Montreal. State police stopped them from crossing into Canada. Bring 'em back. Where's Brian? He's down the hall. We have done nothing wrong. Why are you taking us back to New York? You're under arrest for murder. You think I killed my own daughter? Not Shannon. Her father, Jason Connor. What? Jason's dead? Jason's dead? [Quavering] I didn't kill Jason. (Benson) He was shot with your gun, Susan. No, you've got this all wrong. Really? Now are you gonna put on another performance like you did when you slapped your son around? I knew Brian didn't hurt Shannon. That's true. L... I was just trying to protect Jason. Why would you protect the man who murdered your daughter? He didn't murder Shannon. It was an accident! You knew what happened all along, from the first time that we talked to you. I suggest you start telling the truth. Jason called Shannon after they saw each other, and they met a couple of blocks from the school. When Jason told Shannon Aidan was her brother, she fell apart. She told him she was pregnant. Jason begged Shannon to forgive him and she pushed him away. She slipped and fell backwards and hit her head. Jason tried to revive her, but it was... it was too late. She was gone. So he left her in an alley. Jason was confused! I mean, he didn't know what to do. And you bought his story. You're tellin' me that you don't blame Jason for your daughter's death? Would I blame him if he was with Shannon and she got hit by a car? Of course not. Jason would give up everything he had before he'd hurt Shannon. When did Jason tell you this? The night it happened. He... he came to me after Brian was asleep. He was devastated, crying. He said he was finally gonna leave his wife. He told me I should take Brian and drive up to Montreal, catch a plane to Cuba. That he would meet us in Havana in a few days. Susan, your daughter is dead. Nothing's gonna bring Shannon back. Why would I kill him? (Stabler) We found the real Barry Coyle living outside St. Louis with his wife and two kids. Susan tells us that Jason stole his name and profession from an engineering directory from the Public Library. What about Susan's travel plans? Found Brian and Susan's plane ticket to Cuba, but not Jason's. We have no evidence he ever intended to go down there and meet 'em. If he backed out, that could be why Susan killed him. I'd say that's a good bet. Debra Connor brought some show and tell. (Stabler) Mrs. Connor, can I help you? I'm here to help you. What are these? My diamonds. They were in my safe deposit box until they were stolen two days ago. Susan Coyle? How'd she get in your vault? She had ID in my name and she forged my signature. I never went to that bank. Jason always took care of our finances. How much was the jewelry worth? Over $2 million. She cleaned me out. (Stabler) Thank you. Susan stole the diamonds, she had the gun, she had the motive. I have all I need for an indictment. (Debra) The bank called me. Said I'd forgotten my sunglasses the previous day. I said that was impossible because I'd never been there. That's when I learned I'd been robbed. How long were you married to Jason, Mrs. Connor? 26 years. Did you have any inkling he was planning to leave you? No, quite the opposite. We were planning a benefit dinner the night after he was murdered. He asked me to make sure that his tux was pressed. Thank you. Your witness. All those years and you never knew your husband had a second family? No, I trusted him. Obviously that trust was misplaced. With all due respect, Mrs. Connor, you must feel like the stupidest woman on the planet. Objection. Is there a question? I'll withdraw. Mrs. Connor, do you own a handgun? (Debra) No. Did your husband? He said he did. (Seaver) Are you saying you never saw it? Yes, I'm saying I never saw it. Do you know where he kept it? [Sighing] No, I do not, nor do I want to. I don't like guns. It started out as an affair, but then I found out I was pregnant with Shannon. (Seaver) And what did Jason say when he found out? That children needed a father, and he would be there no matter what. He was good to his word. But he wouldn't leave his wife for you. Didn't you ever want to break it off? (Susan) Yes. But you didn't because you were dependent on him? And because I loved him, and because he loved Brian and Shannon. He tried to be as much of a father as he could. He provided for them. Stayin' with Jason was the only way I could protect my kids. When Jason told you to meet him in Havana did he give you money? No, but he did give me his key to the safe deposit box. I was only doing what he told me to. Objection. Hearsay. Sustained. Thank you. Nothing further. Did he give you the key, or did you take it from him after you shot him? Objection. Withdrawn. Ms. Coyle, it was really you who forbade Shannon from seeing Aidan, wasn't it? No, Debra Connor did, too. Because she didn't think that your daughter was good enough for her son. But you didn't want them to have a relationship because you knew it would put Jason's secret in jeopardy, isn't that right? Yes. People's 2, Your Honor. Do you recognize this? Yes. We've heard testimony that this weapon was used to murder Jason Connor. Do you happen to know in whose name it's registered? My name. No further questions. Redirect, Your Honor. When was the last time you saw this gun? Approximately 15 years ago. I told Jason to get it out of the house. (Seaver) Why was that? Well, Shannon was a toddler and I just... I didn't feel safe having a gun with children around. Do you know what happened to it? No, I never saw it again. (Stabler) The gun was Susan's, but she just didn't have it in her possession. Right. I wouldn't worry about it. All the jury's heard is how Susan's lived a lie for the last 20 years. They can't stand her. Elliot. Aidan. Can I talk to you alone? Yeah, what's up? Susan's tellin' the truth. About what? The gun that killed my father, it was in our house. Aidan, what are you sayin' to me? Susan didn't kill my dad. I did. Dad kept the gun in his underwear drawer. Susan's lawyer was right. I knew Dad killed Shannon. Okay, but I want you to tell me what happened with you and your dad. I got the gun, I went to his office. He was leaving. I got in his car and I shot him. Just like that, huh? Are you gonna arrest me now? Aidan, why are you doing this? Because I'm guilty. His confession's not real, but his guilt sure is. Because of the incest. Telling him he's not to blame is not gonna change what happened. Why admit to something he didn't do? To punish himself for sleeping with his sister. But what about his mother? Aidan goin' away for life would kill her. Is he trying to punish her, too? No, but I think I know what he is doing. They can't prove I didn't do it. You said in court you were disgusted. Did you mean with yourself? When I found out that Shannon was dead, I didn't know what I was gonna do. We had so much fun together, you know. We could talk like grownups. We loved each other. And then I found out who Shannon really was, and I feel like I ruined her. And now I can't even tell her how sorry I am for what I did. I wish I'd just used my father's gun on myself. Please, stop him. He's lying. How do you know? After the bank called, and I saw the photo of Susan, I realized that he was leaving me for her. And, uh, then I found the plane ticket to Cuba and... and I cancelled it. I knew where his gun was. I got it, and I went to his office to confront him. He was just leaving the parking garage and he pulled over to meet me. [Sobbing] And then he told me everything, what happened to Shannon, that she was his daughter. And I knew it. My son had slept with his own sister. And I started shooting, and I couldn't stop myself. He destroyed Aidan's life, but... but I don't want Aidan to go to prison for something that I did. You have the right to remain silent, Mrs. Connor. You have the right to an attorney. I don't want an attorney. All I want is to help my son. Can't you see how he's hurting? Please. Please just help him. Can I see my mom now? As soon as we're done booking her. She's under arrest? For murdering your father, yeah. When did you know? In court. She lied when she said she never saw the gun. Shannon's gone, Dad's gone, Mom's going to prison. No one left. Aidan, listen to me. You didn't cause any of this. You, Shannon, Brian, every one of you were just born into this mess. But you've got to get through this, not only for your sake but for your brother's. My brother? Brian. You're the only one he's got left. Hey. Hi. You wanna talk? Sure. Synchro to version PDTV.XviD-LOL: 640x352 23.976fps 174.3 MB - Oh no! Parents are kill us! - I know what to do. "Wynoœcie out of our area, hate you. " It Millers, The Andersons, Or Thomas Cooper. It Hacketowie. Suggest the that the it restore the cat to life! We'll see how you feel the, when the tide of the avoided them tit for tat. / I'm gonna get a car. Crazy world of Malcolm 5x14 "Malcolm's dating the family" Every other Thursday, we eat supper at the pizzeria with Luigi. It was only two nights a month, where p is not the crying at bedtime. This already fairly, stop! We fight for the wins. Is not that great of an? Every 14 days magically turns into a family of szczêœliw. And here's the reason. Pizza with Luigi is so good, Also not only brings out the people, g the hidden Eboko good but immediately creates the not completely new. Another great of an experience culinary, Alfredo. Doctor's orders. Alfredo, you still have a tip. Excuse me, what is "DZO" at the bottom? This add-on for handling the UGE. Operating supplement UGE! What add-on for handling the UGE? We add 15% for maintain, many person is trying to cheat the waiters. We are doing so for years. Forced into semi-paying tip without notice! So long double semi-aciliœmy tip, do not know about the c. Here is the information. This little chit. That you want to give a reason! Oh, no. Will row as in a shoe shop, or like in a circus? I think that bad, as in store, "all the $ 5." Car on fire? I think s I heard the sirens, you better let's go. Umieœciliœcie were no stamp, no one it does not read and are justified theft! Where is the manager? ! I want rozmawiaæ the manager! / Do not look at me! Better not show up here for a while, Manalo. And then I became a half-hour parking lot, the dissuasive c cars. My mom is horrible! My mom ... call of a drunk ... on my birthday ... ¿¿So that I yczyæ money. Sorry, Stevie. I should not narzekaæ. Escape your mom is inexcusable. But you know what? Real friends will leave the. Hey, Angela! Angela Pozefsky. 3 It is very pretty. I think I have a chance with her. From some reason with anyone not dating. Can be so without the pretty, It also deters other guests. I do not mind. Part, Malcolm. Part, Angela, well, you also with the apparatus of em. I've been thinking of em. Want zaprosiæ me on a date? I first wanted to something pomamrotaæ a few minutes, but ... Yes. Want AEOI the spring dance? OszczêdŸ the angle of troubles. Do not you want with me outputs. Because before you go out with me, My family needs you accept your. What not to do without making the œledztwa giant. So odpuœæ now and let I umrzeæ in loneliness. Worried about your family 1 1? I do not mind. Yeah? My family is extremely burdensome the longer possible, bossy, control and humiliate the whole the whole. You're talking to a guy with proper. Francis, explore Jordan your new assistant. - My what? - Thank you for the background a chance. Sure. Can you forgive us? - You do not need an assistant. - But boy the boy needs a job. And all the other posts are already doubly occupied. Please, Francis, for sure jakieœ find him busy. - Okay, I'll try. - Thank you, Francis. I know that I employ too many employees and that is the problem. But heal. Come to this for three psychiatrists. I'm starting zapominaæ, tastes like pizza with Luigi. He says the em ¿ebyœ not we the teeth. Hello? Yes, it's me. Really? Really? ! Yes! Call of the owner pizzeria ¿Eby przeprosiæ mom. Clothe jacket! Lois! God pizza sent from the ear to our prayers! Hello? Hi, says Lawrence Cabrusi, of the owner Luigi. S 3 3 I heard what happened at the and I wanted to personally przeprosiæ. For what exactly do you want przeprosiæ? The way you treated You are in Zesz were Thursday. There is no excuse, awful you feel about it. I'm on it's the will hear a. I wonder why two weeks Aje were you an apology. Sorry. He was on a trip I in Europe and did not even unpack the em. The most important is that the lady families are a valuable customer and really want you back. Apologies were exceeded my expectations. On the refunds as we can liczyæ? / What? / Add up the am that the flow aciliœmy / $ 300 over the years. Mr. sends the check, or give as the discount œ tablespoon? We can not Daae your refund. We do not have such funds. If you become a day trip to Europe, is 5% of the price, would suffice for the zadoœæuczynienie This fools the customer! There is no God pizza. For sure you will never be jeœæ in a pizzeria with Luigi. At least we have the brightness. Ok, that he wanted to EOE. Do not tell me you also will not warn the am. It's all right, I'm ... This is my mom, my dad, My grandmother, aunt Leila Synalar Aunt, Uncle Zach, Nick, Max and Alexandra. The rest is in the basement. This is Malcolm. Welcome, sit, sit. - So, you want the poœlubiæ my daughter. - What? I can not of themselves oprzeæ. I'm sorry that the need for this przechodziæ, but it is very protecting of the Angel. We have dowiedzieæ, What are you boys of Caucasian teenage boy. Well, ... I'm normal. Walking with the Angel to school y I have good grades, for 3 days a week I work in the shop have. I have healthy teeth. I have all the graft. Religiously I would name the szczêœliwym agnostic. I think that the main g filizoficzne question ... We can is the crap! He's a genius. It's the smarter najm in the entire school, and it's definitely. Really? Genius? Say something m3 drego. Inflation writing her cosmology. This theory g of the axis that the universe therefore it is a homogeneous, because just after the Big Bang, to the short period of rapid than normal expansion. I hope that the mention of the role of Scalar fields in the concept of symmetry breaking. Not bragging, but I worked on it someday. Please! Until the discovery of the Higgs field, it must be clean speculation. Yes, dear. Those women. It fits me. You fit? - Grandma? - Yeah. I adore you! Come on, let's see if the baby boy your age can zjeœæ. Later we'll be sing along. Be warned, I have a few œwietnych soloists. How about your story are the Middle Ages? Well, how's the money. Malcolm is on my team! - Lump of Sugar, as you like. - Thank you, Jordan. - Francis. - Part, honey. / W is precisely to ring and my mom. He was a worried also not been sent from the EOE its Thank You Cards for Bo ¿Christmas. And the height of the I j yesterday. Sent from the master of the tasteful card with the manufac embossed flower inside. - I think I deserve an apology. - It's good. Please pozwoliæ. / Hal, ch 3 boys, dinner! What is this? It's a family night fiesta! He was am in the Mary Archie. I have 4 types of enchiladas, beef of these and chicken taco and a tray piero ¿NEB. Malcolm! No, ¿Are you kidding? Œwietnie I really enjoy the. Wednesday? Yes, definitely. Okay, part. - Who was to? - Angela's dad. What's going on? It is not fun? You're right. We do not need music, ... We chips. The most important that the time we spend together. So, let's talk. Who are the good stories? - Yesterday my mother and lost his mind. - Reese! A lot was to the west, I know that the is like, so ... what's the problem? Mom, you do not byœ of a, do not copy Luigi. Pizzeria Luigi is the core. It's not the food that matters. What matters is that the sit here together and we enjoy each other's company! If you believe that, then why Did you come to buy Mexican ¿Arcie? Good! Mexican ¿Arcie I the lands in œmieciach. No, I'm not Copernicus. Isolate the EOE something, Then what about you kill the? No, I'm not odowsk Sk 3 1 -Curie. It œwietnie. When we play at home, then we use the only cartoon characters. The cartoons that we saw that day. Approx. Do you believe into force of continuity after me? No, I'm Cher. - Upiekliœcie cake? - The nuts as you like. Did you come to do it for me? It's beautiful! It's lovely. I love to walk perfectly well with the Angel. Where is Angela? Gone through the wheel and the cup as the ¿œ hour ago. Approx. - Smaller are better, right? - The large o Thank you. I do not have a very open the paragraph. What does Did you come, Mom? Ripped off of us 15% add-on Operating for over three years UGE! Well follow boycott the c them, are not you think? I do not know, I think we all suffer from the over something that you just what y depends I do not know about you rings, Francis. 3 Dhabi would you give me support in a case in which I have the obvious're right! Can you blame me! You know what ... If you're so sure, why do you want, you ¿ebym of support? If you're so sure, why do you want, you ¿ebym of support? J We are, sir. Not stop to win, Jordan. Again, I have the hair in his ears. I was thinking of that the already not Feel the smell. Mom goes back for two hours. We have plenty of time to eat and destruction of evidence. But ... wyjaœnijmy yourself something. What we do is not all right! It is morally reprehensible for each time possible way! We should wstydziæ up! Yes, yes, yes, hate each other. Whatever happens, that we're in this together. - Where's Malcolm? - From the inn the family. So for us. I do not believe how much zjedliœmy. I do not believe how well the flavor of o That was a taste of the, son. Sticky, delicious with the Father I know that I must zamaskowaæ breath but by eating mints Suggest, causes gagging. We all have. Part, all I have supper! He was am in the Pizza Connection. Had to am przejechaæ an entire city, but to the pm you d is used for something of my ego. I know how difficult it is to deal Luigi and large to me for your support. In these klopsikach is cheese. I have never met the people I so fascinated The Copenhagen interpretation of the quantum mechanics. I was thinking of that the grandmother hit someone. Œwietnie bawiliœmy yesterday. I watch the can of em ... Dad burns the ... your music œlubny. - Part Malcolm. - Part of Sarah. Wanted to pm you zaprosiæ the Spring Dance. - I know that this late stage ... - Wow! With the pleasure. - Super! So to Friday? - To Friday. It is wonderful, when she invite ... Angela. I completely forgot! Hell, I have two dances dating for Spring! This, as in the old section jakiœ ... Well, each show. But this whole quite interesting trades challenge. Ergil fairly well describe the attracting strength up cousins. As long as you do not do the greedy and became the prince. Stevie, you me at all you are listening to? Two girls ... 2 families ... I do not have ... Two lungs! What does this have to do with .. People P. .. your fluke ... Do not ... dziwad be the em! Just ... choose! Yes, well. Ok, it is 19:35 ... 5 minutes will take you access to Luigi. Minute will order pizza so they should indicate flow j are at 19:56. Mom sends the store at 19:50 and destroy the evidence before its return. Ignition someday the avoided that. And it is high. Yeah. But today the avoided ignition. Whatever happens, it's a conspiracy I was very close to you ¿y 3 a - In addition to Malcolm and Jamie. - They are different. Now go! Part, honey, what are you doing? These are the keys? I'm going to Luigi. What! Why would the want you to do? ! I give up. It takes too long. I'll go, I'll go up to the cashier and post the pie for the good of the family. - Over my dead body! - What? You can not now poddaæ! I was thinking of, that we are a team of em! Hal, we were wonderfully supporting the old, but fairly so. Women, who love the ever says "fairly it"! A woman who does not love the close-up ¿s to this place by the hour! We believe in you, Lois! You have to continue fighting |! Thank you, you're right, I will not give up! Malcolm! WchodŸ! WchodŸ! Look who came of! Angela, came the boy of your package! Spread over ¿y 3 am back board. We can odegraæ battle Lepanto olives and celery. I can not zostaæ. On Saturday, you have to connect the letter with the Angel. In the town the Taiwanese acrobats bed. I do not think I can. So You can store the Connect to us on films the night and do not take rejection. I can not. Why? What happened on? Breaks up with me ... and I do not mind. There we talked for two weeks. What does Did you come? No, it's all right. The breaking up with her? Just like that? Yeah, ... is very difficult. My life is now complicated And we need the space. But I ¿ebyœmy were friends of me. Friends of the me ... It's not you, it's me. The last few week was to œwietnych, but ... Please do not. No, really. You know what kind we are great? Angela will differ with a lot of spotykaæ ch better than me the pack ... You treat us condescendingly. The Ides already. Will be widywaæ? We both know that the not the way it operates a This is the only butter le ¿s on I toœcie as a block. It is ... so done, how Jordan is doing. - Disseminated? - Yeah! Francis, it must skoñczyæ. Like me were the flowers, the sermons of it EoE I send, and the line was to me the very y But changes to the helpless infant. If it was not for Jordan yesterday in the men's room, then you are still sitting there the byœ. Domyœli of what I'd be zrobiæ. No, not true. You're right. Release him. That would be best. Jordan, we porozmawiaæ. - It's about .. - You have to release me. Well, yeah. I. .. I feel terrible, but you can not me stop, even though the do well. Yeah. I ... Sorry. Of course, also like that. But I wrote a wonderful EOE were the months the list of commands, and I and the Shift of I thank you, for basket of muffins which I donated to the EOE. There was the too expensive, but I appreciate the gesture em. Goodbye, sir. Goodbye. Now you need to œcisn æ 1. ChodŸcie, chodŸcie, sit down. It is a pity that the Malcolm is at the dance, miss it. What is it? He was am ready to surrender in the case of Luigi, but your dad inspired the me into action. Today I'd like to call the "Clyde on your side." Who? This reporter from the channel of the fifth. Y do whole program of Luigi. Is to be on the air at 22:20 ... Already season. It may look like the friendly Daae on the pizza, but thanks to our informatorce odkryliœmy, Also visit the dive can clean out your wallet. Informant, it's me. It turned out, Also secretly restaurant bear 15% of the fees for handling the UGE for each account. I want, ¿Eby was to clear this The case does not reflect the Italians, where most of the decent, ¿you are hard working Americans months. But before the visit of swindlers with Luigi, here is a little advice: przemyœlcie that really przyjœæ want here. / Who is a victim of this scam? Retirees with fixed income white. Local teens at the dance. / And, of course, suffer most are ... Oh, my God also? Traitor! How can I trust that the zdradziæ family, especially you, Lois. - He does not know what you're fighting! - The traitor! See how the clogging pizza in place, when we we had to chowaæ in the garage at? What? All right. He left it to black em the hour. Tata naœladuje your behavior the toilet for 5 minutes. I'll give you a recording, if we make the ad layout. It turned out that the rupture with the Angel was to the terrible b edema. It is sad. Sometimes you do not know what you have until it's gone. - Malcolm? - Hey. What are you doing here? He was em around, Think of I, also can e .. Œwietnie appearance date. It's very awkward. So ... I Count ... Sandwich. I'm nearly as old as the century, and I feel it! Ceremonial introduction is so solemn and ridiculous. A younger me would have run screaming into the night at the thought of it, but it's so very calm and soothing. I find myself lulled into going along with almost anything these days. I try to move with a dignified processional rhythm, but it's hard not to swagger a bit. It makes the Masons look like the Boy Scouts. I have other rituals. Get your cock out. "Mutual masturbation", I believe is the current parlance. But there's an archaic word which describes it far better - slick-megging. Frightfully dangerous, of course. But the best things often are. Tom Driver is introducing me to Harry Starks. The name means nothing. - Here we are. - Sounds Jewish, Still, Tom's contacts always hold some strange promise. (MAN) We're living in a golden age. The consumer age, they're calling it. For the first time ever, ordinary common people are not only encouraged to have money, they're expected to have it. Money to consume with. Money to buy happiness. Money to change the world. Where's this money coming from? How do we get it? We have to take it. The best way to take, in my experience, is to give. You give people what they want, and they'll give you what you want. You give people what they wish for, they'll give you their soul. Yeah? To wishing. Excuse me, gents. I'll be right back. - Hello there. - Good evening. Teddy, this is Harry. Harry Starks, Lord Thursby. Please, Torn! - I'm honoured, Your Lordship. - Please, call me Teddy. If it's all the same to you, I prefer "Your Lordship"! Harry's a very successful local businessman, aren't you? - Does charity work in the East End. - Boys' clubs. Boys' clubs? The very thing. Maybe you're even more active in that department than me, Your Lordship? Craig. This is former Conservative MP Lord Edward Thursby. - Hello. - All right? He's a very important man. A lot of responsibility, a lot of stress. - It's lonely at the top, isn't that right? - Please, no fuss! Perhaps you could ease his loneliness later, Craig, if you know what I mean. God, you'll do no such thing! You're a guest in my home. I won't hear another word. Craig, start the film. Get His Lordship a proper drink and anything else he wants. Be careful what you wish for, Your Lordship. Here we go. Thank you. Are you part of the entourage? Or maybe the entertainment? If that isn't frightfully rude. - I just come for the party. - I see. Harry Likes his parties. Are they always like this? Is this your first time? Yes, in a manner of speaking. I never felt like a proper homo until I met Harry. I know what you mean. - Where are you taking me? - Come on. (HARRY) You're a nice-looking kid. Thanks. So are you. I mean... No, no. There's a lot of things I am, but pretty ain't one of them. - I don't know... - My Auntie May says I'm born to hang. - Hey, all right, girls? - Piss off! I like Harry immensely. He isn't afraid of homosexuality. He isn't afraid of anything. The rest of my life consists of tolerating my arsehole of a wife and living in relative luxury at our own private lodge, Hartwell-Juxta-Mare. I realise the effect a separation would have on you professionally. So I'm prepared to continue with this charade under certain conditions. The lodge is looking shabby. What happened to that builder of yours? £250 a month to be paid into my account at the Chase National. Plus a separate financial provision to deal with your irate creditors. Such a nice young man. He breathed life into the Belvedere. Plus £2,000 in a lump sum to pay for renovations. - I don't have that kind of money! - You don't have any kind of money. No, you've got it all! You never cared for me, did you? - I get so lonely out here. - Then why don't you divorce me? After all I've put up with? Oh, you won't get rid of me! I'm Lady fucking Thursby now. Then you should start behaving like her! I don't know what you expect me to do with my life now you've become a homosexual. Why don't you become a lesbian? I think you'd make a rather good lesbian. Harry's invited me to his club. A younger crowd than I'm used to, rather underdressed. But no doubt achingly trendy. Still, it makes a change from the Hartwell Conservatives with their dreary businessmen and constituency party Tories. Over there, sir. Sorry. - Your Lordship. Glad you could make it. - I'm delighted to be here! - Have you met Manny, my accountant? - Hello. - All right, Your Lordship? - That's Jock. Hello. - Would you like a glass of champagne? - I'd love a glass of champagne! - This is wonderful! - It's the jewel in the crown. I call it The Stardust. You've heard of it? N... It rings a vague bell. Yes... (HARRY) Look at these kids. Look at the suits. When I was their age, I was wearing me dad's old V-necks. - In fact, I was still on rations. - You've done very well. I haven't even started yet! You see, people think the world revolves round sex. Hmm? Sex and glamour. But you and I know it's about much more than that. Much more. - Oh, hello! - All right? By way of reciprocation, I've invited Harry to Whites, one of the oldest and most prestigious clubs in London. It retains a touch of aristocratic raffishness which I instinctively know he'll be drawn to. - Ah, Harry. So glad you could make it. - I wouldn't miss this for the world. - follow me. Drink? - Why not? Nice place. Wouldn't mind joining myself, one day. - It's not cheap. - The least of my worries. Glad to hear it! - Dewar's? - Lovely. All right? There you are. - Welcome. - Thank you. Teddy, I'm starting up a new company. Oh? I was thinking you'd make a good director. Oh, well, I'm a bit tied up at the moment, Harry. - I doubt I'd be much use. - You wouldn't have to do anything. - I don't mean an executive position. - Oh. I see. You're a pillar of the community. - You've made sacrifices, contributed... - God bless you! Now is your chance to reap a little of what you've sown over the years. It won't be any trouble. Just turn up to the odd board meeting, the Annual General Meeting, stuff like that. Like um... Like a... a mascot. Well... It really rather depends on er... what's in it for me, Harry. What's in it for you? Yes. Your contract, Lord Thursby. Harry's desire for legitimacy definitely has its possibilities for me. And the name Lord Thursby is bound to look good on his letterheads. But I worry that this is going to turn out to be some ghastly Faust/an pact. The only difference, of course, being when Faust signed, he wasn't having his cock sucked by a 17-year-old wearing Cecil Gee. Do you live with Harry? I just doss where it suits. Would it suit you to doss here? I could pay Wu" Keep the place tidy, do the odd job. I've got a job, working with Harry in the warehouse. What do you do? Whatever he asks me to do. How interesting. If I looked after you... "would you do whatever I asked you to do? I'll have to talk to Harry. Harry has taken the gang to the pictures to see his favourite film, "Lawrence Of Arabia". He says he's seen it 13 times. It seems he has great admiration for upper-class men of act/on - Lawrence of Arabia, Gordon of Khartoum, Scott of the Antarctic. I have a great admiration for lazy upper-class fruits who loll about all day, pleasuring themselves. That film gets better every time I see it. - Bleedin' sand gets everywhere! - Oh, Jock! Don't take the piss! Lawrence was a real man, proper guts. And he was bent. He was as hard as they come. - It's only a film, Harry. - It's what makes the world go round, fighting for what you believe in. Isn't that right, Teddy? Poor Harry takes it all so seriously and fatally imagines that I do too. Your overdraft is now £1,000 higher than it was a year ago. Not only that, but your borrowing is costing you 150 a year in interest. Now, I have to tell you, investiture or no investiture, we can't be so lenient now. Well, urn, I'm considering writing my memoirs. I'm warning you, Teddy, if you don't come up with something soon, Head Office will want to know why. ♪ Somebody help me, yeah ♪ Somebody help me now ♪ Won't somebody tell me what I've done wrong? ♪ - What's this? - Winnings. - But I didn't bet on that race. - I'm putting you on a monthly retainer. As a business consultant. - Wh... - Occasionally I'll ask the odd favour. You're raising the bar, Harry. How else are you gonna pay the new houseboy? Craig. Here you are. Go and win some more money. Craig will take care of you. ♪ Make me feel all right ♪ Somebody help me, yeah ♪ Somebody help me now ♪ Won't somebody tell me what I've done wrong? ♪ Somebody help me, yeah ♪ I've put your blood money into your account. Do shut up, Teddy. You're lucky I don't ask for more. Harry! Good God! Is that him? Yes. Shall I ask him to join us? After all, it's his money you're spending. - For God's sake. He looks Jewish. - Jewish? ! Good gracious! Still, at least he isn't homosexual. Listen to me, Teddy. I no longer care who or what you fuck, but if there's a scandal, we're both ruined. I am not fucking him. We are just good friends. Oh, I forget. You don't have any friends, do you? Harry, my dear chap. What a marvellous surprise! - How are you? - Very well, thank you. - This is my wife Ruth. - How do you do? I can't say it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Starks, but I will say I've been curious. You know what they say about curiosity, love. - I know what they say about you. - All right, dear, fangs away. Harry's my business partner. I'd like you to show him some respect. Oh. And what kind of business is that? (TEDDY) Boring business. Terrible business. The way Ruth carries on, you'd think it was arms dealing. That's what all the toffs do now. If only! I'd be able to retire and drink Krug until my fucking nose bleeds. All right, Jock? Yeah, great, Harry. I've just unloaded 25 fridges and a dozen toasters. Good man. 30 cookers on the van. I'm saving them till last. - Very wise. - Must get on, boss. Yeah? All right, great. - All right, Manny? - All right, boss? Your Lordship. Now, that is Mr Pinker's desk. - Ah. - Pinker's the manager. No one sits at Pinker's desk and no one touches Pinker's drawers. I wouldn't dream of it! Anyone asks you anything, tell them to ask Mr Pinker. - Pinker's the boss. - Where does one find Mr Pinker? He's not here. You don't talk to him, he doesn't talk to you. - I'm a shareholder. Surely I... - Nobody talks to Mr Pinker. Now, look, Harry... He's very poorly. He's sickly, isn't he, Manny? He's not a well man, boss. In fact, we call him Sickly Pinker 'cause he's so sick. - Come on, this is ridiculous. - Yeah, ridiculous. But true. At least try and make it look legitimate, Harry! It's all legit, Your Lordship. I've got receipts and everything. Look. Signed invoices. You'd be amazed. Signed by whom? Mr Pinker, by any chance? To be honest, I'm worried about the precarious nature of Harry's entrepreneurial activities. You know, there are opportunities for you to expand, Harry. The bigger your business, the better it looks. I've thought of a way that we can legitimise our business interests. I thought you didn't know much about business. Well, perhaps I know more than you think I know. You see, the problem is all your capital is invested in small local enterprises. And what we want is something big, overseas. - Something offshore, yeah? - I was thinking of Africa. They're trying to get rid of the socialists. They need all the capitalists they can get. What we need is a nice little business empire in the colonies. - An empire? - A business empire to get our teeth into. A chance to show what we're really made of. Right now, the government is rewarding large enterprise in a big way. Tax breaks, various payouts... What about a New Year's honour? I wouldn't mind a peerage. I mean, what have you got that I haven't? - Well... - In fact, a knighthood would suit me. I love that bit with the sword. Well, it's not unheard of! Sir Harry. Sir Starks. Sir Harry Starks. Craig? Away? I don't believe you couldn't sell a Queen Anne. I'm shocked! I'd just turn around again and keep going, if I were you. - I was having it valued. - Craig! Try as I might, I cannot imagine you intended to have everything of mine valued. Please, Teddy! It's like everybody's rich. Everywhere I look - birds, blokes. You don't know what it's like! I've never had what you had. You don't know what it does to me knowing I'll never have it. Well... We'll just call it the folly of youth, shall we? This is the problem with growth and prosperity. The temptation. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) - No secret handshake today, George? - Detective Inspector Mooney, West End Central, to you. No butler, Your Lordship? Not even a houseboy? Very fashionable. Even Harry Starks has a houseboy or two. In fact, it was this lad Craig I hoped to have a word with. The lad who lives here. Your son, is it? Or have I got that wrong? Nephew? Friend? Don't forget who I am. Oh, I won't. - And neither will Fleet Street. - What do you want? There's this new tax I'm collecting, see. £200 tax on houseboys. Cash. If it's all the same to you. Craig? I'm completely cleaned out, Harry. In one fell swoop. I've never been so humiliated! What am I going to do? Thanks, Harry. I owe you for this. - (TV) The body of Sir Winston Churchill... - (HARRY) Never see his like again. To the last... great... Empire man. I find myself turning to Harry more and more. To everyone else I'm just a dreary old sissy. But I believe I'm important to him. I was one of the few who stood by him in the wilderness years. Foolish I may be, but always loyal. "Ex unitate vires", we used to say at school. "Finding in unity strength." Thank you, Teddy. - Steady on, old chap. Get a grip. - What do you mean? Harry's my friend. For the time being. Then you do what everybody does with his sort. Milk him before he milks you. Then lose him. Milk him? I have no intention of milking anybody! (CHURCHILL) Neither the sudden shock of battle nor the long-drawn trials of vigilance and exertion will wear us down. Give us the tools and we will finish the job. Have you given any more thought to this Africa business? Yes, I have, actually. I'm due in the House of Lords on Monday, a debate about overseas aid. The newly independent states - Uganda, Zaire, Nigeria. - That's convenient. - Huge country, Nigeria, rich in resources. It's also hugely unstable. It's ripe for modernisation. just needs a firm hand before it's too late. You mean my firm takes over before the commies do? Consumerism, Harry. Somebody's got to feed the monster! Like Lawrence and the Arabs? Well... Yes, actually. Very like Lawrence. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Just be nice to him. Spoil him a bit. Look after him. Harry! Harry Starks. John Ogungbe. John's come from Nigeria to study civil engineering. - Engineering? Building bridges and that? - Construction. That's right, isn't it? Yes. I have heard about your various businesses, Mr Starks. - Oh? - I've also heard you are a great idealist. Perhaps I can learn something from you. We could all learn something from Harry! - Would you like a drink, John? - Oh, yes. Get some champagne over here, Bob. - Make yourself comfortable. - Thank you. I am planning to build a township near Enugu in southern Nigeria. 3,000 houses and also a shopping precinct. Now you're speaking my language! I am determined to use my English education to improve living standards for Nigerians. The more they know, the more they spend! Here we go. I am dividing my time between here and Nigeria in the hope of securing support for this scheme. You've come to the right place, John. Harry is a visionary. - Just like you, John. - To men of vision. - Men of vision. - Cheers! Men of vision. Cheers. - Have you met Brenda? - Brenda, this is John. - Brenda. - Hello. (WHISPERING INAUDIBLE) Excuse me. Open your mouth, Craig! Get this down ya! Go on, have it! Get it down ya! (HARRY) Thursby's mine, get me? (MAN) Hold his head back, Jock. I'll tell everyone about him! All your posh friends! I've invested heavily in him and he's mine, you understand? Close the door, Teddy. Give us some privacy. Poor Craig. All my fault, of course. Until now I haven't thought about the real nastiness of what Harry gets up to. The ugliness behind the charm. What really lurks behind the scenes of his rackets. He's a one-man cyclone of dysfunction. In my own decline I'm left with an abiding sense of failure. A wasted career, a rotten marriage, constant money worries. I've utterly failed to resist temptation. I've given in to beastly lusts. I feel resigned to slow decline, clinging to some vague hope of redemption, yet wallowing in the inevitable descent into decadence. (JOHN) You should know that for an initial investment of £25,000 you could realise a profit of as much as £200,000, perhaps more. Yes, very lucrative. Of course, you'd be required to make extra payments during construction. - Extra payments? - Unforeseen expenses are very common. No, this is not good. Unforeseen? It's inevitable. You will get very used to this. Inevitable? Unforeseen and inevitable? This is not good. - They're tax-deductible, Manny. - Harry don't pay tax. Well, it's just good business practice, Harry. - For all of us. - That is it. Good for all of us. Any questions, gentlemen? Yeah, I got a question. This new township. What are you gonna call it? Something to do with lions, perhaps. Simba, to symbolise great strength. I like lions very much. Tell you what. Call it Starksville and you've got a deal. Starksville it is! Starksville it is! I feel a terrible foreboding as I cling to the last vestiges of my tame, well-ordered life. Harry is like some darkened rogue planet, pulling everyone into his magnetic field, then blasting them off into orbit to do his bidding. - What's this? - Progress. - It's a man holding a spade. - He is digging. Digging what? Bleedin' turnips? Very funny joke! I like his English jokes! Yeah? Where's the houses? Where's the shopping precinct? Where's the jungle? That could be Whipsnade! - There have been a few setbacks. - Setbacks. I'll give you setbacks, you cheeky bastard! Harry! Harry! Please. We have to give him the benefit of the doubt. We have to learn to trust him - or look as though we do. - I don't trust him! - That's the nature of business. Nobody really trusts anybody. But there is a social contract. It's just good manners. Since when did good manners have anything to do with business? Legitimate business is a different matter. No, no, don't talk to me about business, Teddy! I know all about business. In fact, come with me. I'll show you about business. Now! Come on. Come on! I'll give you business! Here we are. Have a look at this. It's called the long firm. One of the best scams around. Do you remember Mr Pinker? He died 20 years ago. But his birth certificate's still valid. You can get all the documents you need to run a business with a birth certificate. So you register a company, rent a warehouse, bribe a few influential faces to be non-executive board directors. Then you start trading. You buy up all the stock you can lay your hands on. And you pay your first invoice on the dot. Then you get the goods on credit. Delay payment until you got a warehouse full and then bang! Sell, sell, sell! Close up, you disappear and leave Mr Pinker to pick up the pieces. It's got everything. The debt, expenditure, profit. That's capitalism. And that, my old son, is business. To all the long firms I ever done and to all the ones that are yet to come. Cheers, everyone. Good work. - Oh, hello! - Come on, Teddy. I think I've had just a little bit too much. So do I. Remember this? Eh? - What's the matter? Can't get it up? - The old prick can't get it up! (CRAIG) Hold him down. - Put it in his mouth. Go on. - Harry! It seems I've misjudged Harry. (PHONE RINGS) I misjudged his hardness. And my own gentleness. For which nobody has any use In this thrusting new age. This is my fate and I must bear it with all the courage I can muster. Yes? Harry! Well, urn, I... It's not really convenient at the moment. Yes, of course. Course, Harry. Right away. Go through. Go on. Go on. You're all right. Go on. Teddy. Come in. Sit down. No, not there. The chair. Jesus! Right. We are going to Africa to sort this shit out for proper. Oh! Oh, well, that's fabulous. You'll have a ball. Er, when... When are you planning on leaving? "We", Teddy. I said "we". Oh, well, Harry, my dear chap... The thing is, what we think is, you have a commitment. (MANNY) You have a contract. That's right. A contract. Where is it? Show Teddy the contract. Naughty Teddy! I know it's called a consumer society, Your Lordship, but I think you've consumed quite enough! This whole business was your nutty idea. I've poured a lot of gelt into this scam. It's about fucking time it paid off! (ANNOUNCEMENTS OVER TANNOY) I still don't understand what I'm expected to do. I mean, I've nothing to do with foreign affairs. Look, just be with me, all right? I dunno what these Africans are up to, but a British dignitary with me can't hurt. - I have no choice at all in this, do I? - Teddy, pull yourself together. Come on, it'll be fun. Welcome to my wonderful country. Mr Starks. How are you? - Well, I could be better, John. - Ah. Please stop waving at them! Welcome, Lord Thursby. It's a great honour. - Thank you. - Welcome, Lord Thursby. A great honour. Thank you. Welcome, Lord Starks. It's a great honour. - Call me Mr Starks. - You're not a lord? Well, something like that. My friends call me Harry. I'm Dr Chukwurah, the regional minister. You'll have to get used to me hanging round. - Minister... - We'll visit the construction site tomorrow. If that is convenient. Meanwhile, there is a party in your honour. - This way, please. - Party? We like parties, don't we, Teddy? You're a good dancer. You can take Harry out of The Stardust, but you'll never take The Stardust out of Harry. Already people sense he's different to the usual colonial day trippers. - Can I have a quiet word? - Certainly. The government is very keen to encourage overseas investment and development, but it is important to make sure this expansion is regulated. We can't have people coming over to make a quick buck. As a politician I'm sure you'll understand we need long-term commitment. - Just as it should be. - Indeed. John Ogungbe is a very ambitious young man. He has, as we say here, got a very big eye. I wouldn't want you to get out of your depth. You're a long way from home. Teddy! Teddy! Isn't it marvellous, eh? The Third World. I never even knew there was a second one! The people are really friendly. Really lovely people. - We'll do well here. - You behave yourself! See? I do not like the look of this. As you can see, progress is slow but very steady. Steady? I'll give you steady! You haven't even started yet. We wait for cement. - Cement? - There has been a long hold-up. I go to Lagos today to sort it out. You know, there are always delays from time to time. What does he mean, "cement"? It's obviously the sort of petty hold-up we've been warned about. - Yeah, but I know all about cement. - I've no doubt you do. What could be the problem in getting hold of cement? Hold on, where's he gone? Gone to fetch some cement, by any chance? (HARRY) I've got a very bad feeling about all this. I hope your visit has been a success, Your Lordship. I hope you are now sufficiently reassured. - Absolutely. - Here's to a safe passage home. Thank you. Should you find yourself in difficulties, you can reach me on this number. You may find it hard to get through. I advise you to persist. Thank you. - What did he want? - Not much. He hoped our visit had been a success and wished us bon voyage. Urn, yes. Could you tell Mr Harold Starks I'll be five minutes late for breakfast? What do you mean he's checked out? Hi. Morning, Teddy. - Brought you a nice cup of tea. - Harry! Oh! You ineducable bastard! Where the hell have you been? I needed to find out a few things. I don't expect much, Harry, but just a little sensitivity wouldn't be asking too much, would it? - Teddy... - But no, not you. It's all "Me, me, me" with you. - Teddy... - I want to know when we're going home. We're not going home just yet. I'd advise against that. Get your hands off me, you bloody hooligan! - Why the hell did you do that? - We don't have time for this. I might have expected this. When all else fails, resort to brute intimidation. Ow! Will you stop doing that! I haven't even started yet. I warn you, Harry, I will not be intimidated. Ow! No, please don't hit me any more. I can't take it! I just... I just want to go home! All right. Shh! Listen. Shh! Shh! We've been had over. If that bastard thinks he can get away with it, he's got another think corning. Harry, I really think that you should walk away from this one. - Walk away? - Yes. You silly old queen. Do you think I can walk away from all that money? - What are you going to do? - "We", Teddy. It's "we". I won't tell you again. - There's our cement, Teddy. - Where? - Out there. The ship. - How can you tell? - I can tell. - What's it doing out there? - It should come into port to be unloaded. - So you'd think, but that ain't the way Mr Ogungbe works. He keeps it out there? On the water, on purpose? Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, well, now I'm completely lost. It's simple. Ogungbe's fixed it so there's a problem with the import license. The cement arrives, waits offshore, can't dock. Yeah. We have to pay the shipping company compensation every day the ship's out there. If it stays there long enough, we pay more than if they deliver the cement. They sell it somewhere else and split the money with Ogungbe. - It's a brilliant racket. - He's a bloody con man. - It takes one to know one. - We should tell the consulate. It's too late. He's already got our money. No, we're gonna do this my way. What? I've found the little bastard. Now, Harry, look. You know I can't abide violence. I'm just no good at that sort of thing. Good job I'm an expert, then. - I'm not hitting anyone. - Just reassure him. Talk to him. Make him see the error of his ways. Then I'll hit him. Not so fucking fast, pal! - Teddy, get a chair. - A what? A chair! Oh, Christ! I ain't gonna enjoy this any more than you. But needs must, as they say. I want the truth. The whole truth. By the time I've finished with you, I'm gonna have it! You think I'm made of money, do you? - Think I've got money to burn? - This is not your country. It is now. Please, Thursby! It could have been really good. I wanted it to be really good. Special. Not dodgy like everything else. I had big plans. But you had your own big plans, didn't you, and that really pisses me off, John. You really hurt me. So now I'm gonna really hurt you. Make him stop! John, be reasonable. Harry is very upset. And understandably so. You have a great deal of his money. It's only fair to expect him to want it back. (HE LAUGHS) What's so funny? Don't you laugh at me! You think all Africans are innocent natives! You thought you could make money out of stupid piccaninnies! You wanted quick profit from crooked money. But we've learnt well from our colonial masters! The imperial gangsters! (SPEAKS IN AFRICAN LANGUAGE) That's enough fannying about! Give me my fucking money - or I'll blow your fucking head off! - Drop your weapon! - Drop your weapon now! - Who the fuck are you? - Now! - Behold our glorious armed forces. I should warn you they are notoriously trigger-happy. Now! Thank you for leading us to Mr Ogungbe. - That was quite a disappearing act! - What is going on here? You have a big eye and a long throat, Ogungbe. See that it doesn't get the better of you again. Minister... Doctor... Please! (SCREAMS) Now, fuck off back to your tired little island before I get angry. There you are. John, get the bags. In the end, I can't help feeling sorry for Harry. He wanted so badly to eat at the big table. Couple of large brandies, Bob. But the classless society is as much a cheap con as one of Harry's long firms. It's an illusion. I can be part of Harry's world any time I like. He'll never be part of mine. But somehow I think he'll never stop trying. ♪ As I stand here ♪ In the shadows ♪ With tears streaming down my face ♪ I can see you ♪ With another ♪ The one ♪ Who has taken my place ♪ And it hurts me ♪ Oh, it hurts me... ♪ Off you go, girls. Are you Miss Nørregaard, then? Welcome to Copenhagen. I hope you had a good journey. Leave your bag here a moment. Do sit down. Then we'll go and find you a spot of supper in the kitchen. So you're the recipient of the County Prefectess's Bursary. The Prefectess helped to found our college. - My parents told me. - I'm pleased to have you here. I understand you have also signed up for a General Certificate. Domestic Science School by day, grammar school by night. But it also needs to be practicable. Your evening classes end at 11 pm, I understand. You can't be in two places at once. At 11 pm we have evensong. - I can be here by 11.15. - What if all the girls said that? The General Certificate really matters to me. I am sure domestic science does, too. I had a long talk with your father. - You talked to my father? - He thought I should tell you. You can do your school certificate next year if Our Lord wills it so. Excuse me for taking up your time. Our Lord has plans for me this year. Father knew evening classes would be impossible. -We didn't want to disappoint you. - So you knew, too. - I didn't want to upset you. - You knew. You'll have to make the best of it. Are your room mates nice? I didn't meet them. I'm at the railway station. You've left the college? You can't do that, Ida. Go back to Miss Madsen. You can take your certificate next year. That's what she said. I could take it next year. - What are you going on about? - I have enrolled for it. Unless you go back you must come home. - Come home and talk to Daddy. - I'll phone again later. You can't stay in Copenhagen. Where would you live? What about money? Ida? Bright young lady wanted for office work at radio manufacturer's We could call it the "1950". Bang Olufsen had a "48", after all. - You mean plagiarize BO? - Oh, no. It would be a tribute to the new decade. Lots of people expect... The nation expects peace and stability and a new radio with a name that won't go out of date. - We must make it by Christmas... - I'll look at it right away. - Mr Blomkvist? - He's gone for today. - It's about the vacancy. - Interviews are tomorrow. - Oh, yes. I mixed it up. - Come early; there'll be crowds. - Idiot! - I beg your pardon? I didn't mean you, sir. - Where are you from? - I'm from Ringkøbing. That's a long way to come for a job interview. Come in. This is very good. Very good indeed. And you've brought your Ordinary Certificate... Let's see... Well, well! How can such a clever girl muddle up the date? I have already been to four places. I didn't even get interviewed. - I need this job. - May I hear a bit more about why? I have enrolled to take my General Certificate. We do have busy periods, you know. My classes start at 6.15. When I have to work late, I'll do so. We could try you out. Shall we say till Christmas? - Do you mean it? - Let's see how things work out. One, two, three... no, stop it! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven... - Hello. It's about the room... - What? Where did you see that? - At Bella. The radio factory. - Oh, yes. Come on in. Hello, Mrs Bendtsen. - What were you doing at Bella? - I've just been taken on. In the accounts department. - In the office? - Yes. Does it matter? No, I don't suppose so. Would you like to have a look? The bed will be put in my room. Emma, supper time! You did notice you'd have to babysit Emma sometimes, didn't you? I only have Saturdays and Sundays. I've got evening school. Just a moment. - The new paper boy has... - Palle! Say she wants a word. - Sorry to bother you. - Just a tic! From, shift your bum! - Sorry to bother you. - Just a tic! From, shift your bum! I've told him before. Every day I practically trip over your rag. - Read it! You might learn from it. - From the communists? ! - I've no time for you. -Shut your gob! I won't have that gutter trash in my home. It's full of lies. - It's not a copy of the Pravda. - Pravda means "Truth". - Family, are you? - I've come about the room. Here. Emma, this is the third time! - This is... what was your name? - Ida Nørregaard. She's going to lodge with us and look after you now and then. Saturdays and Sundays are better than nothing. - 55 kr. a month. - I can manage that. - Where are you from? - Ringkøbing. Know where that is? Of course I do. Oh, chatting away already? My name is Karen. And this is... stand up when you say hello! This is Emma! - Hello. - Have you had supper? Yes. I left my suitcase at the railway station, and my bike. It won't run away. Come on, grab a plate. You could have told me it wasn't possible. -What about the bursary? - I know I can't accept it. - I'll write to the committee. - Write to the committee? You're not the one who has to live in this town. You do realize how much shame this means for your mother and me? Why does it shame you? I'm the one who was awarded it. Daddy, I don't want us to fall out. I have been so fortunate. I have found a job and I have found lodgings, too. - And you think you'll matriculate? - Why do you say that? We know what happens to girls in Copenhagen on their own. - I'll pass my exams. - I see. You'll have to make do as best you can. - Good morning. - Good morning. Splendid, Miss Nørregaard. - I have a meeting this afternoon. - At 3 o'clock. I've brought the file. - Thank you, but there are two. - Two files? I'll fetch the other. - When do your classes start? - This evening. - Good luck. - Thanks. - There's another file. - Over there. - The Juttish girl? Søs Nielsen. - Ida Nørregaard. - You're the girl in the pictures. - Oh, those awful photos. I did your job before I joined the sales department. Awfully boring. Miss Toft says you're lodging at Karen Jensen's. There's no stopping you! See you around. She's the MD's daughter. You should see her fiancé! His father is an important lawyer. Mr Cedergren, KC. - She's a communist. - The MD's daughter? Goodness, no! Karen Jensen. Nobody knows who Emma's dad is. Stop! It is 11 a.m. The managers' meeting has begun. The MD does not want to be disturbed. - So the MD's son has come home. - Where from? America. They called it a study trip. He works here as a salesman. Hi, Søs. He certainly chose the right moment. Mum wrote you'd got engaged. Who's the unlucky chap? He's coming to dinner tonight, and you're not invited. Give me a hand, eh? - What's in this? - The future, my little sister. Miss Toft, you're not married, are you? So there is still hope. Goodness! A new girl! - Hello, Erik. - Hello, Dad. I'm back! - Hello. - Was it an interesting trip? - Quite fantastic. - Shall we... - No, do stay. - Erik, we're in a meeting. You've got to see what I bought. Do you know what is in this box? - So that's what they're like. - I've seen photographs. But the screen looks bigger in real life. We'll see how it was made and then we'll start... manufacturing them. Bella could be the first factory in Denmark to supply television sets. - Is there going to be television? - Dad, of course there is. I hadn't noticed. Are you gentlemen better informed? Experiments are being done. They transmit a test card every day. See, Dad? It's only a matter of time. Test cards are one thing. But parliament's desire to start television broadcasting is another. - Not everyone listens to the radio. - Television isn't on the agenda. Erik, go home. Your mother can't wait to see you. The family I was staying with over there... After supper they opened some shutters. I expected a radio. And BANG! Elizabeth Taylor was talking in the living room! He saw Elizabeth Taylor. - In America? - No, on television. - Erik, can't it wait? - They're transmitting now. That does look good! It'll come. You just wait. I know what's wrong. The Americans use a different system. It only has 525 lines. American TV sets are no use in Europe. What did you pay for it? How much did it cost? - What did it cost? - I asked a simple question. What did you pay for that completely useless apparatus? - 3000 kr.? You must be mistaken. - And it's ripe for the dustbin. One can only pity the MD for having such a son. Per! - Has your brother arrived? - He's already put his foot in it. - We can't do better than that. - Thank you, Mama. I am so happy to have you home again. Good evening! How nice of you to come. - How are your parents? - They're in Venice. - How lovely! - Yes, so Per has got the car. - Isn't Daddy home yet? - I'll tell cook we're delayed. - This is my impossible brother. - Per Cedergren. How d'you do? How do you do? I am sorry you missed our little engagement party. We can thank the Americans for Marshall Aid. But can a Social Democratic government administer it? - When is the wedding? - When I am called to the bar. - When is the wedding? - When I am called to the bar. - When will that be? - In spring 1953. - Spring 53? - Oh, four years will pass quickly. Uncle Harald was engaged to Aunty Lissen for 32 years. He was a homosexual. You've arrived, Per. Make yourself at home. - Thank you, sir. - Your parents are away? You are really serious, aren't you? You're just envious because he's better looking than you. A pity about his watch, though. It stopped 30 years ago, eh? Erik! Honestly! Good evening. Well, well, well! Just one little lady this year. Arne Dupont. I shall be teaching you Danish and English. I assume that most of you work in the day time. Let me warn you: If you think this will be easy, pack up and go. By exam time only half of you will still be coming. Mind you, I can't imagine half a lady at the examination. So, thus encouraged, let us open our wee satchels and dig out Axel Olrik to hear what he says about folk songs. - It was a lovely evening, darling. - See you. Yes, goodnight. Goodnight. Are you sure there isn't a touch of uncle Harald in Per? He must be a bit weird, if he can keep off you for four years. - Have you already seduced him? - None of your business. I bet you can't! When will we get to meet your fiancé? Erik, can we have a word? Mr Trane has left us for Linnet Laursen. We've had to reorganize. I'd like you to do Jutland. - I did Jutland a year ago. [gunshot] Our price just doubled. [cell phone ringing] What's going on here? Where are the manifests? The plan's changed. Did you take care of our loose ends? The American girl? [chuckles] Everyone she could have talked to is dead. Good. Yourmoneywillbewaiting atthedocks. [phone beeps] [sighs] ¶¶ [speaks Portuguese] ¶¶ [tense music ¶] [speaking Japanese] [phone ringing] [speaking Japanese] [cell phone speed-dials, rings] [cell phone ringing] [sighs] Yes? [over phone] The American is causing trouble at my place of business. I'll take care of it. [beep] [stammers] I'm sorry about the manifests. He-he surprised me. I-It won't happen again. Mr. Lima. [exhales] I don't care for guns. Moving parts. Different materials. So... dirty. Now this... is Tamahagane. Jewel steel. Pure. It can cut through anything. [gasps, blood spilling] Like a middleman. [tense music ¶] [grunting] [gunfire] [speaking Portuguese over radio] [grunting] [bones crunching] [yelling in Portuguese] Mr. Chapman? What are you doing here? These are the men who attacked Cindy. Which ones? All of them? They had something to do with it. Katarina! Maria, Kuka's sister, she's here, I saw her. She's downstairs. - What's going on? - I'll show you. Follow me. ¶¶ [dramatic music ¶] She was here. There were children, there were people... Look. Counterfeit shipping manifests. They're tryin' to smuggle the children out. Mr. Chapman, why don't you give me Mr. Lima's briefcase? We'll handle it from here. [briefcase closes] Thank you. Da Silva, take Mr. Chapman to the hotel. We'll go check out the docks. ¶¶ [Thiago] Mr.Chapman, whydon'tyougiveme Mr.Lima'sbriefcase? We'llhandleit fromhere. Go make sure my sister's okay. Please. ¶¶ [engine starts] [tires squealing] [heart monitor beeping, respirator hissing] [foreboding music ¶] [gunshot] Oh, yeah, I forgot... Freeze. Police. All that stuff. [exhales] [foghorn blares] [men chatting] [grunting] [cell phone ringing] Hello? [Johnny whispering] Manny, it's me, I found the girls, the missing favela kids. The Yakuza are shipping 'em off to Japan. Jesus. All right, where are ya? At the, uh, dock. Porto Del Rio. Dock 9. [Manny] Dock 9, I know where that is. I got it. Listen, get the cops over here. Tell them, "Do not radio it in." Thiago's dirty. [Manny] All right, wait a second, what are you gonna do till they get there? [ship horn blares] Take in the scenery. I was afraid of that. Shit. [man speaking Japanese over radio, grunting] Huh? [speaks Japanese] [shouting, gunfire] We'll take care of it. Detective. Please forgive my skepticism, but I think I'll join. ¶¶ [gasps] [grunting] [gunfire, yelling] [groaning] [bone snaps, yells] ¶¶ [gunshots, bullets ricochet] [screams] [groaning in pain] [grunting] [knife clatters] [thud] [battle cries] [yelling] [groaning in pain] [chains rattling] [blood dripping] [men yelling] [agonized yell] [groaning] [straining] [cursing in Portuguese] [neck snaps] [spits] [metal clanging] [metal clanking] [pained groan] [straining] [groaning] [pained breathing, squishing] You put up a better fight than your sister. [dramatic music builds ¶] [grunting] [yelling] [bones snap] [metal clanging] It's funny how things work out. Right? [squishing noises] [keys clinking] [strained breathing] In my locker at the station, there is a a list of people. Everyone Hirimoto's got on the take. The police, the courts, the government. [panting] Give it to Katarina. She will make it right. [winces] I was the first in my family to reach 45. Most of my family still live in the favela. And I was going to get us out. But... [sharp inhale] ...such is the will of God. God has nothin' to do with this. You made your own choices. I didn't attack your sister, I swear. I may be a sinner, but not a savage. [shouting, gunfire] [sword clangs] My judgement is near. Do you still have one round in that gun? [heavy breaths] [gulp] [gunshot] [sirens approaching] [seagulls caw] [angelic music ¶] ¶ ¶ [heart monitor beeping] Hey. She's just exhausted. Even the tiniest effort is monumental for her right now. How long till she's back on her feet? Well, Mr. Chapman, there's something you need to understand. The injuries your sister suffered were very extensive, including severe head trauma. It's going to be a long, slow process for her to get back to functioning by herself. We're talking about a matter of years. [somber music ¶] Uh, hi, uh, coffee? Black, please. Whiskey neat. Make it a double. It's nine in the morning. Yeah, you're right. Excuse me, make that a single. Nice. Look, John, you saved dozens of kids from hell. Manny, I... It's funny, I thought I'd feel better once I got these guys, but seein' Cindy like that today, man... Stop. Stop. [stammering] You can't think like that. You're gonna destroy yourself. So, how 'bout... Uncle Manny gives you something else to destroy? See, me and some of the higher-ups at the State Department are always thinking, "Man, wouldn't it be nice to have someone to get the job done when no one else can?" - Isn't that what the CIA is for? - Come on, their plate's full. Between China and the Middle East, tryin' to run anything through that bureaucracy? Forget about it. Thank you. No, what I'm thinking about is something a little less official. I don't know, man. My head's still messed up. But there is also one other thing you have to consider, Cindy's condition. Those medical bills are going to pile up for years to come. What are you gettin' at? Come on, man, she doesn't have any insurance. I've been running those bills through the Embassy. How long you think that's gonna last? However, if she were a dependent of a government agent, well... That's a whole different ball game. So, you're sayin', if I take the job, you'll make sure Cindy's taken care of? Mmm-hmm. But, what if I don't? There's only so much I can do. [scoffs] When do I start? You already did. It's your old call sign. [triumphant music ¶] ¶ ¶ ¶¶ Previously on "red band society"... You're burning up. No, no. I'm just a little warm. Are you sure? [ gasps ] hunter, hunter! My job is to protect your heart, kara, In every possible way. Emancipation seems like an appealing option. All we need is the filing fee. $395. Kara: Oh, my god, is that delaney shaw? I was wondering if you'd be comfortable Introducing me to your manager. I will give you 10 minutes for 10 painkillers. Dr. Mcandrew: I was kind of thinking This is like a one-time thing, you know? Brittany: I don't. Haven't you ever had a one-night stand before? Ow! I had my meeting with dr. Samuels, And she said that i could go. Emma, you can't go. You're still sick. You can't just leave! All packed up? Dad, this is leo. Pleased to meet you. Leo, is it? It was nice to meet you. Charlie: The great philosopher tupac shakur once said, You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months Overanalyzing a situation, Trying to put the pieces together... Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor And move on. There may have been some swear words in there, But that was the gist. I just can't believe she left Without saying goodbye to anyone. She said goodbye to leo. Somewhat. Yeah, but to just take off? That's not like emma. That sounds exactly like emma. She's all about being elusive. You thought that you knew her, but you didn't. None of us did, which is exactly what she wanted. Give it a rest, kara. Why? You think i'm wrong? I think no one's interested in listening to your crap today. Testy. Did she say anything to you, leo? I'm not better, okay? I'm not better! And i keep waiting for someone to figure that out, And they don't! Not really. Who picked her up? Her dad. I don't think her mom has been here Since she was first admitted. Seriously? I didn't know that. Like i said, we don't know jack. Shut up! Shut the hell up for once in your life! I just... I can't imagine this place without emma. Me neither. I guess someone had to be the first to go. Which begs the question... Who will be next? Knight to c3. [ click ] Your move, little man. Now would probably be a good time To tell dr. Naday i don't know how to play chess. [ clicking ] [ p.A. Beeps ] Woman: Dr. Mcandrew, you have a call on line three. Dr. Mcandrew, call on line three. You want me to move your prawn to d5? Charlie: I'm also not the best typist. Pawn to d5. Good. Okay. Pawn -- d5. [ click ] You know you want to hit that, right? I do. I really do. All right. I'll help you out. All right. Now... All you have to do is move that finger there. Good morning, charlie. Dr. Naday. [ clicking ] morning. Charlie says... [ chuckles ] "good morting noose jaskon." [ chuckles ] i'll take it. You know, i... Still don't understand how all this works exactly. It's an eye-tracking device. It uses gaze interaction to replace the standard mouse. It's calibrated to charlie's eyes. Let me rephrase. I'm happy that it all works And that i don't have to understand. I see we have a luddite among us. Oh, not entirely. I do own a smartphone. Really? Good to know. So, uh, what is the end game here? Well, hopefully, this is just a stopgap measure Until charlie regains his full faculties. Right now, we're working on getting him to move one finger. Isn't that right, little man? I'm working on it. You're working on getting nurse jackson's phone number. There you are. Uh, dr. Potter needs you in room 211. Oh, you can't leave now. Charlie's about to make his move. Actually, i think it's your move, doctor. [ pen clicks ] She's here! Emma! Hey, finn. Am i crazy, or did you get taller? Yep, like half an inch. I'm on the volleyball team now. That's so cool! Good lord, i didn't realize you had so much stuff there. I guess two months is a long time. It felt like two years. There's so much i have to catch you up on. Finley, honey, give your sister a chance to breathe. [ chuckling ] come here, you. Hi, mom. Hey, honey. Look at your hair. It's gotten so long. Oh, yeah, i've, um, been growing it out. Probably need to get it cut. Oh, no, no, i like it this way. Finley: You have to come see my room. I got a ton of new posters. Come on. Come on! [ chuckles ] yes, she does. [ sighs ] Hey, are you okay? Finn, don't pull on your sister so hard. Uh, s-she didn't. I just tripped. You sure you're not dizzy? Dad, really, i'm fine. Come on. Show me those posters. [ chuckles ] She still looks thin. Ah, she's always been thin. Jordi, you have a visitor. I do? Who is it? Hello, sexy. Well, i guess that answers that question. Don't forget that... You have, uh, your first pet scan in about an hour, And, uh, dr. Mcandrew will -- okay, all right, then. [ chuckles nervously ] you kids have fun. Um... [ sighs ] As much as i'm enjoying this, I think you have the wrong jordi. I don't think so. Delaney said you were hot, vaguely latino. Delaney? Wait, a-are you a part of her team? Did she change her mind about letting me play for you guys? [ chuckles ] I have no idea what you're talking about, And i'm not technically a part of her "team," But i was hoping i could Get the "friends and family" discount? The what? Fine, i'll pay full price. But i want the good stuff -- nothing generic. Hold up. A-are you here for drugs? [ chuckling ] dude, keep it down. I can't believe this. Get out of my room! Whoa! Why so sensitive? I'm giving you one more minute, And then i'm calling security. In case you change your mind. Uh, are you going to check on hunter? Smart and pretty. Bring those babies up to a "c" cup, And you could be a triple threat. No, uh, you can't go there right now. Why not? It's not bad. It's just not a good time. Dr. Mcandrew's in there, talking to his parents. It sounds like the perfect time to me. The only way to find out what's really going on Is when the parents are around. That's not true. Okay, it's sometimes true. But... So, how high was the fever? Got up to 103. Oh, my god. We did a chest x-ray. We gave him some blood tests. Everything has been reassuring. There's no sign of infection. So, what caused the fever? We stopped one of his medications That we gave him on admission Where fevers are a known side effect. Uh, he's been afebrile so far today, So my guess is that was the culprit. You guys need to relax. I feel totally fine now. Aside from the bunk liver And the life-threatening illness, I am the picture of health. Can i just ask, w-what's my son still doing here? I mean, i know we're waiting on a new liver, But since we have no idea when it will come -- We just -- just want to take him home. Unless you can give us a reason not to. Just want to keep my eye on him for a few more hours, Make sure that fever doesn't creep back up, But after that, you know, it's completely your decision. [ sighs ] i mean, it's up to you -- Wherever you feel more comfortable, honey. I want to go home with you guys. [ sighs ] great. Then dad will go deal with the paperwork, And we'll get you home -- today. [ david chuckles ] Thanks, doc. [ whistling ] ♪ inside my heart, there's an empty nest ♪ ♪ a heavy hate on a hollow chest ♪ ♪ soft-spoken like a disease ♪ ♪ is the way to incomplete me ♪ ♪ can you shake this hollow night? ♪ ♪ tell your truth or trust a lie ♪ ♪ is this hello, or is it goodbye? ♪ ♪ is this the low, or is this the hi-i-i-igh? ♪ ♪ just let it go, enjoy the ri-i-i-i-de ♪ ♪ without the low, there ain't a hi-i-igh ♪ ♪ hi-igh-igh-igh-igh ♪ [ whistling ] Hey, you. Hold on a sec. Yo, hairnet, you got any fruit that isn't disgusting? These bananas are as brown as my roots. You know what? Skip it. I'm not even hungry. Kara. All right, what's up? Can we talk for a second? What about? You know that i don't want to leave, right? I'd much rather spend whatever days i have left on this earth Making rotten banana jokes with you. It's just my mom -- Oh, my god. Please don't get all nicholas sparks on me. This is so not a conversation we need to have. I want to have it. I don't! You're angry. I get it. No, i'm not angry. In order to be angry, i'd have to care. No offense or anything, but... I barely even know you. This was just a hang. Okay. Cool. Have a nice life, hunter cole. Yeah. You too. Anyway, uh... Anyway, i'm rambling now. Call me when you get this. I just want to... I just want to hear your voice, make sure y-you're, uh... You're okay. Emma, i-i-i... I miss you. [ sighs ] dear god, man, have you no shame? I'm just checking in on her. No. You're just stalking her. You need to get a grip Before this turns into the tragic movie of the week -- "mother, may i sleep with cancer?" You're, like, on steroids today. What is your problem? Everything! Where are you going? Out. Out where? Out of this freaking hospital. I'm taking a senior ditch day. You asked nurse jackson? No, leo. Asking nurse jackson would defeat the purpose Of a ditch day on every possible level. Okay, so, um, what, you have a car? I'm from beverly hills. I have two cars, one of which is on its way. [ elevator bell dings ] Okay, i'll make a deal with you. I won't tell nurse jackson Anything if you give me a lift to emma's house. [ scoffs ] you are such a whiny bitch! You have five seconds. Just get in. [ sighs ] [ drawer opens ] [ sniffs ] [ knock on door ] [ spraying ] Hey. How's it going? Fine. You need anything? Nope, i'm good. Thanks. When you're ready, We should talk about school and all your extracurriculars. I-i've been thinking about it, And maybe you were a little overextended before. Yeah, whatever you think is best. I don't know what's best for you, emma. I'm gonna need your help. How come you never visited me? I did visit you. In the beginning, But i haven't seen you in almost three weeks. Never mind. It doesn't matter. No, i-i-it d-- it matters. It does. Honey, the first few times i came to see you, I felt like, oh... I didn't know what to say. I got so scared i was gonna say the wrong thing. The wrong thing would have been better than nothing. I don't know that that's true. [ sighs ] i've been going to groups. Parents who have children with similar... You know, issues. I wanted to educate myself So that i could be better, help you get better. One of the moms, her daughter... Died. Can you imagine? I'm okay now, mom. You don't have to worry. The more i read, The more i couldn't stop thinking of grandma. Grandma? No, i-it doesn't matter. No, wait, w-what about grandma? Point is, you beat this. Emma, you did the work, And now you're home because you are strong. I'm so proud of you. How is "jem" not a word? It's a word. It's a word that starts with the letter "g." Not the doll. The doll starts with a "j." ♪ jem is truly outrageous ♪ ♪ truly, truly, truly outrageous ♪ [ laughs ] i know the song. I just wanted to see if you'd sing. [ scoffs ] [ laughs ] Hey, have either of you seen -- uh, seen jordi? Uh, he was here a minute ago. Did you need me to find him? Uh, no, it's not urgent. It's just, uh, Jordi's gonna be waiting on his pet-scan results, And i figured he could use a friend. Uh, well, i can check in with jordi, Make sure he's doing okay. Thanks, kenji. Excuse me. Kenji: Are you looking for something? I swear i used to keep a lip gloss in here. I haven't seen you wear lip gloss Since madonna was relevant. Oh. What was that about? Don't you have any actual doctor work to do? Who am i kidding? [ chuckles ] I still love my material girl! [ laughs ] [ sighs ] You're back. Uh, just checking in. I didn't mean to disturb you. No, not disturbing me at all. Charlie's resting. What's the prognosis? Any chance he'll be moving his index finger Before the end of the day? It's important not to rush progress. It's gonna take time For the brain to wake up and find alternate pathways, Especially when things have been the same way for so long. It's rather like getting back into a relationship When you've been single for a while, as i have. Oh? He may be a genius, but the dude is not subtle. Well... [ sighs ] For instance [chuckles] asking someone out to dinner, Uh, should be easy -- Just as moving a finger should be easy, Uh, e-except when it's... Not. Well, you're the doctor. Whatever you think is best. For charlie. Yeah. 'cause that's what we were talking about. [ sighs ] Kara! I'm so glad you texted. Not gonna lie, It was a little hard to break into your room, Third floor and all, but mission accomplished. Your chariot awaits. Well done. So, where are we headed? What's the plan? [ engine turns over ] want to grove it up? [ tires squeal ] okay, uh... I'll just meet up with you guys later! Leo: All right, so, to get to emma's, We need to hop on the freeway, uh, which is that way. Kara, the free-- the freeway's that way. Yeah, we're not going to emma's house. [ sighs ] [ whistle blows ] ♪ goodbye to my santa monica dream ♪ Cheerleaders: Go, go, g-o! Go, vikings, go! ♪ 15 kids in the backyard drinking wine ♪ Go, go, g-o! ♪ you tell me stories of the sea ♪ You gonna go and say hi to your friends at some point? They aren't my friends anymore. Okay, then what are we doing here? Watching the world spin madly on without us. [ cheering ] hey, you're gonna be back out there Before you know it. Don't worry. I'm never going back to this school, Even when i leave the hospital -- if i leave. Of course you're gonna leave. Unless i die there. What is wrong with you? Did they switch your meds or something? What do you care? I don't, but since you dragged me out here -- No, i never invited you. You crashed this party. Some party. Look, if you don't want to come back here, You can always transfer to a different school, Resume your reign of terror On a new pack of unsuspecting cheerleaders. Not interested. Really? Really. I just don't think i have it in me anymore. [ scoffs ] God, i'm not interested in anything anymore. Well, except hunter. For what it's worth, i know exactly how you feel. I have no idea what i'm gonna do When i get out of the hospital. Oh, my god. What, i'm not allowed to have an existential crisis? No, you're not. Why not? 'cause it's so painfully obvious what you're gonna do. Everyone knows it but you. As usual, i have no idea what you're talking about. Come on. I'll show you. Where are we going now? Not telling. This is starting to become a thing with you. [ whistle blows ] [ cheerleaders cheer ] You okay, dr. Naday? Yeah, couldn't be better. Would you like me to grab a magazine Or something to read while you eat? [ chuckling ] oh, no, no, i'm fine. Thanks. At lunch, i like to take a break -- A-a real break. I like to cleanse the palate of the mind. Do i look strange? Hey, if it doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother me. [ chuckles ] But i'm beginning to understand why you're single. [ chuckles ] Then again, i've been single for a while myself, so... It's easy to get stuck in a rut. Well, if you're worried about my reputation around here, You -- you could join me. Oh, no, no. I like to bring my lunch from home. I like to cook. And i like buying cookbooks, Just haven't graduated to the next level yet. You should come over sometime. A home-cooked meal is very important -- I'd love to. Okay, then. I-it's a... Date. Great. Uh, hey, dad, can i talk to you for a second? Sure thing. What's up? It's about grandma. Um, mom said something earlier. [ sighs ] Sweetie, this is a larger conversation. We should wait until your mom gets back from the market. Come on, dad. Talk to me. We think it's... Possible your grandmother... May have suffered from similar... [ sighs ] You think that grandma was anorexic? Your grandmother was always very conscious of her weight and... Skinny since the day i met her. But i don't think it would have ever occurred to me Until she passed away. Why? W-what happened then? Well, your mother and i went to clean out grandma's apartment. And when we were going through her things We found old food hidden away everywhere. Sandwiches she'd never eaten. Untouched candy, stale cupcakes. It indicated a larger problem And, in retrospect, a lot of things started to make sense. How, um -- how could you not tell me about this before now? We talked about it. Dad, i have felt so alone for so long. I didn't know why this was happening to me. And all this time, there's been a reason. Caroline: There's no reason. What are you talking about, mom? Anorexia is a disease. Just like alcoholism or drug addiction, There's a genetic component. Why would you keep something like this from me? Because i wasn't about to give you permission to be damaged. What? ! Caroline -- As soon as you identify this as a disease, Something you were born with, It makes you less likely to try and change it. You start to think it's out of your control. I don't believe this. Honey, you're upset now. But one day, you'll understand. Honey -- no, i will never understand you, mom! I hate you! What -- Emma. [ stammers ] [ p.A. Beeps ] Woman: Paging dr. Naday. Line seven, please. I'll meet you guys outside? Yeah, we'll pull the car out. Hey, hunter. Safe drive home. Stay out of trouble. I'll do my best. It was nice meeting you, man. You too. Fight the good fight. Yo, man, tried to call kara, But she would not pick up her phone. Oh, it's okay. I have a feeling kara isn't big on goodbyes -- Another thing we have in common. Yeah, she's not that great with saying "hello" either, but... [ laughs ] ...You had her all turned around. She's gonna be all adrift now that you're gone, man. Good thing she's got you guys. [ beeping ] [ p.A. Beeps ] [ indistinct talking over p.A. ] Well, see you maybe. See you maybe. [ beeping continues ] What is that? Oh, my god. What the hell? What's going on? It's my unos pager. What's that mean? That means that homeboy Is not going anywhere! New liver flying in, people! New liver! That's a good thing! Oh, my god! ♪ ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪ E.T.A. On hunter's liver? Flying in from sacramento now. Hunter's being prepped, And dr. King is on his way. Anybody have anything else they want to talk about? Huh. That's fine. Perhaps now would be a good time for me to perform A moving rendition of "papa, can you hear me?" I slept with mcandrew. You what? ! You what? ! Unh-unh, me first. Have you lost your damn mind? Apparently. But when? How? Was it good? Nope, not even asking that. You're no fun. Seriously, what were you thinking, brittany? I-i was thinking he liked me, and i liked him, A-and we had this back-and-forth thing Going on for a while with granola bars And other stuff, and... I liked him. So... What's happening now? Are you two dating, what? [ scoffs ] no, nothing's happening. It happened, and... It's over. Well, that explains the weirdness. What weirdness? There's been weirdness. [ sighs ] Am i crazy? I mean, didn't it seem like he was kind of into me, too? Yeah. But that's not the point. You know as well as i do office romances never work. But -- pam and jim are fake. Fake! All right, what these scans indicate is a partial response. Your -- your tumors have shrunk, But not as significantly as we would have hoped for. Well, that sucks. It doesn't suck as much as it could have sucked. Now, look, it's my job to inform you That attempting to surgically remove tumors That are that invasive would be considered risky. Most doctors would probably suggest That you go through another cycle of chemotherapy. Oh. But... I'm not most doctors. I've handled tumors this size before. And if you're up for it, i want to go back in. But i want you to think about it. I want you to talk to some others doctors here. I don't need to talk to anyone. You're my doctor. I trust you. All right. I'll see if i can get this on the schedule for tomorrow. Tomorrow? Do you have plans? I do now. Thank you so much. Who knows? Maybe i'll be next. Next for what? Next to go home. This was oddly difficult to find. What are you doing? Reminding you who you are. I'm not playing soccer anymore, kara. I made that decision a while ago. It was your doing mostly. Just kick the ball, dude. Thanks, but no, thanks. I will take your transformer leg And bash it into your patchy skull. [ sighs ] now kick the damn ball. Have you ever considered being a motivational speaker? It could be your calling. Okay, move. ♪ and after all ♪ ♪ these times ♪ [ laughs ] So? How did that feel? [ sighs ] Awesome, actually. Now, i want you to promise me something. What is it? When you go home, I want you to forget about all of us. Especially her. Just go home and never look back. Okay? I'm sorry, kara. I don't think that's gonna be possible. Why not? 'cause how could anybody ever forget you? ♪ oh, oh, oh ♪ [ crickets chirping ] Leo: Hey, emma. It's me. I was hoping you'd pick up, But you're probably getting settled in. Or maybe you're still mad at me. I hope not. I'm sorry, emma. I feel like an idiot For not understanding what was going on with you. And for making you feel Like you had to be something you're not. That's the last thing i wanted. Anyway, i'm rambling now. Call me when you get this. I just want to hear your voice, make sure y-you're, uh... You're okay. Emma, i-i-i... I miss you. [ sniffles ] [ knock on door ] Finley: It's just me. Come in. Hey, emma, sh-- Are you okay? Yeah, i'm fine. Mom wants you to help set the table for dinner. Oh, i'm not hungry. You have to eat. I know. I'm sorry. It's okay. No, finn, it's not okay. I never thought about how all this was affecting you. Are you really better? Trying to be. [ siren wailing in distance ] What are you doing here? [ sighs ] we're low on red band reserves, But no one goes under the knife without a pep talk, Not on my watch. You take this stuff pretty seriously, don't you? I do. You know, when i first met you, I thought you were kind of a poser. Kettle, black. But i think i underestimated your leadership, Maybe because you underestimate it. You walk around like a number two, Chief of staff to president leo. But i think you've got it backwards. From where i sit, You're the one holding things together around here. Kenji: Hunter, i'm gonna take you upstairs now. I'm just gonna grab a chair. If i don't wake up, Would you mind giving this to kara for me? You can give it to her yourself. Thanks, dash. Catch you on the flip side. So, what time's your game this saturday, finley? 3:00, but we're playing lincoln, So we're totally gonna get destroyed. Oh, you will if you keep up that attitude. Hey, do you want to practice your serve after dinner? Sure. Maybe emma could give you a few pointers. You were always great at volleyball. Haven't played in years. Well, it'll come back to you. You're not leaving until you clean your plate, emma. Caroline -- I spoke to your doctors, and i haven't given you any more Than what you're used to eating there. Mom, this is a lot more. We can call them right now. May i please be excused? [ utensil clatters ] No. This is our first family dinner in a long time, And we are all going to sit together... And eat. Like a family. Please, emma. Try. Sure. [ chuckles lightly ] No, no, t-that makes no sense whatsoever. I don't have time to appeal your decision. Whatever course of treatment We decide we're taking needs to be implemented now, today! Oh, do not give me that bureaucratic crap. Just don't -- [ click ] [ scoffing ] oh, that's perfect. [ sighs ] Sorry. You should be. Brittany, snap out of it. Excuse me? If i hurt your feelings Or i misled you in any way, i apologize, But this is a hospital, and children are sick. So whatever's going on in our personal life Seems pretty ridiculous by comparison, right? So either get over it or get out. All done? Just one last game of draughts Before i head back to my hotel. Draughts? Sorry. You guys call it "checkers." mm. I was beginning to think that chess may be too complicated. Actually, my hotel is just around the corner. You wouldn't like to join me for drinks After your shift, would you? We could discuss the menu for our upcoming dinner. Uh... Sorry, i-i-i can't tonight. Oh, of course. I understand. Actually, uh... I-i... Have a lot going on right now. I-it's kind of a-a bad time. I-i don't... I don't know what i was thinking this afternoon. Really shouldn't have offered to cook for you. Well, if you're busy... You're -- you're busy. Have a good night. You too. You coming? Not yet. You can go in. I'm in no rush. [ sighs ] I can't believe nurse jackson Hasn't sent a s.W.A.T. Team after us by now. I've been updating her all day. She knows we're fine. You've been... [ scoffs ] God, you just can't help but be good, can you? Must be in my dna. Hey, do you want to talk about it yet? The, uh -- the fact hunter's leaving. There's nothing to talk about. It's gonna feel like crap... Walking past his room and him not being there. The whole place is gonna feel empty without him. It's so stupid. I've known the guy, what, a few days? No, no, it's not stupid. It's not. I think it's a sign. You've changed. Whether you like it or not. Falling in... Love can do that to a person. You don't see it, but we do, you know? I do. I still don't want to go inside. What do you want to do? Kidding me? ! [ sighs ] [ lock turns ] Okay. [ panting ] [ ringing ] Please pick up, leo. Please pick up. Hey, this is leo. Leave a message -- [ breathing heavily ] Okay, okay. [ coughs ] [ grunts ] Hey, what's going on? Is your leg acting up? Um, no, it's not too bad. It may be from lying on that machine for so long. All right, well, if you want, we can get you some pain-killers. No, no, i'm -- i'm okay. Okay. What's up? I just got off the phone with your social worker, megan. What about? Like i said, your surgery is risky. The state doesn't want to take any risks, Especially with a minor. Emancipated minor. That's just it. You're not emancipated yet. I-i don't understand. Okay, h-here's the deal. California children's services Will not allow me to perform the surgery at this time. They want you to go through another cycle of chemotherapy. No, what if i -- what if i refuse? What if i say i won't do the chemo? Your tumors are gonna grow back. You don't have a choice, jordi, Until you're officially emancipated. And what if i can make that happen, like, immediately? What? How -- how far along are you in the process? I have everything. It's just the application that needs to be processed. I can expedite that. Okay. Give me one or two days to see if i can make this work. All right, jordi, you have 24 hours. I'm sorry. That's all i'm comfortable with. Y-your tumors are too aggressive. It's okay. No problem. I'll make it happen. All right, good. Hey, doc. My leg hurts more than i thought. Would it be okay -- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll, uh, i'll have kenji bring you in something, and, um... Get a good night's sleep. I will. [ ringing ] Alexa: Hello? Hey. Alexa? Jordi? Meet me outside the hospital in an hour. Oh, uh... I'm sorry. I-i thought you were... Charlie: Leaving? He was. But i have my reasons for wanting him to stay. Turns out the kid is much better At, uh, checkers than he is at chess. One game turned into two out of three, And then three out of five and... [ chuckles ] "i won." Spelled "o-n-e." Good kid, bad speller. Hey, do i harp on your flaws? Busy day, charlie. Is it okay to shut this down for the night? [ clicking ] All right. It's amazing. For so long, i've prayed for him to open his eyes, And now that he does... It's not enough. I know. It's greedy. No. It's human nature. As soon as we get what we want, we want more. We push the boundaries. We test the limits. Someone asks to cook you dinner, And you ruin it by asking for drinks. Wait, that's not what -- Okay, i wanted to ask you to dinner -- And charlie wants to get better. There's just something blocking him. It's my job to find out what. Unfortunately, the same does not apply to you. What do you mean? It means i'm not gonna push you, dena. If you don't find me attractive, then -- No, no, no, no. That's not the problem. Then what is the problem? We work together. I've... Learned from experience when two people work together, It's better to keep things strictly professional. You know, to [sighs] avoid... Weirdness. Weirdness? It's a medical term. Ah. Professionalism is, yeah, i-it's important. I couldn't agree more. Good. [ gasps ] And then the other great philosopher, biggie smalls, Taught me this -- Never let them know your next move. So, what i want is a rapid sequence induction. ♪ woke up lost in a world i didn't know ♪ Hey, hunter, let's try counting backwards. Wait, whose is it? ♪ i shook it off and ♪ pardon? The liver. Who did it come from? ♪ i'm trying to make a go ♪ ♪ ever get the feeling ♪ i just need a name. ♪ that the story isn't done ♪ ♪ and you know that you are not the only one ♪ Steven kaminsky. [ sighs ] steven kaminsky. ♪ and i know you're out there somewhere ♪ Okay. Thank you. ♪ and i know that you are well ♪ counting back. ♪ looking for an answer ♪ 10...9... ♪ that only time can tell ♪ ♪ but something down inside me ♪ ♪ makes me think there's something more ♪ ♪ and i don't have any proof ♪ ♪ but i'm sure ♪ ♪ and i know you're out there somewhere ♪ ♪ and i know that you are well ♪ ♪ looking for an answer ♪ ♪ but only time can tell ♪ [ zipper opens ] Kara... My leg. What about it? I've never done this... Like this. So? It might look... I don't care. Do you? ♪ mm-mm-hmm ♪ [ monitor beeping ] We may have to reconstruct the vena cava. ♪ woke up lost ♪ ♪ in a world i can't escape ♪ looks good. ♪ what i'll become ♪ ♪ is slowly taking shape ♪ ♪ start again is not the end ♪ Retract. ♪ but altogether new ♪ ♪ and i'm never giving up ♪ ♪ till i find you ♪ ♪ and i know you're out there somewhere ♪ ♪ and i know that you are well ♪ ♪ looking for an answer ♪ ♪ but only time can tell ♪ Good night, jordi. Good night. Thanks. ♪ parallels ♪ ♪ parallels ♪ [ scraping ] [ knock on door ] jon: Emma, may i come in? Emma. Are you in here, sweetie? Emma? Emma! Emma, open this door! Emma! [ grunts ] Caroline! - Tell John to come. - John, please! John! He won't come for you! John! Come find me, John! Please! No! Find me! Find me! Help me! Help me! - He's not coming. He's not coming. - He's coming. No! - He's not coming for you. - Please stop! Please! Please! Please! He's not calling, he's not coming! Why isn't he coming? He doesn't love you. - Please, John. - Bitch, you're all done. John. - John, John... - Tell him to come right now. Come get me, John. No! No! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Three out. Arm the charge. Don't blow your balls off, okay. Hey, don't worry. They're made of brass. Are they as big as your wife's? Who the fuck dropped ass? - That was me. - Better check your fucking drawers. I think that was brisket, wasn't it? Wasn't that brisket? Open a fucking window! Hey, shut the fuck up! Concentrate! It's payday. Hell, yeah. Look at you. Done a roll call? Breacher and his men are all accounted for. How much is in there? We're about to find out. DC will be very happy. Okay, be ready. Acknowledge. Roger. Fuck that! No! I'm going to hit you fucking raw. Okay. Come here, baby! Come on. All right, come on. Lizzy, radio check. Do you copy me? I hear nothing! What are you talking about? I can only hear your heartbeat. Come on! God damn it, Lizzy! Do you copy me? Bad call, boss, sending her in. Oh, relax. She knows how to take care of her business. I got movement. Second story, front window. Center lock. I'm taking the shot. - Here we go! - Let's move, let's move! - Come on! Move it! - Stack it up. Stack it up. Puta! Shots fired. Delta side. - Neck, stay close with me! - Already out! Hey! Hey, where's my shit? I'm going in! - You're not going in! - I know where the money is! Do you? Let's go long! Fuck, Lizzy! You look hot, baby! Stack up. - Pyro, get the window! - On it. Let's go. Tripod, clear. Breach. Breach! - Get in there! - Move it! - I got high! - Okay, I got back! Come on, y'all! Clear right! Cut the lock. Lizzy, there's a fucking gate! - No shit. Take this. - Got it. - Anybody hurt? - I'm good. Tripod! Demo! Shit, I think I broke a nail. - Double up! - Give me the charge. - What are we doing, boss? - Demo set. Three, two, one! Pyro, shoot the fucker! - Target down! Good shot! - Dead. Get moving! Get inside! - Breaching shotgun! - Pop it! Move it! Lizzy, where's the money? Down that hall. Spider hole in the ceiling. Target down! Move it! - Watch your head. - Good shot. - Popped his gray. - Meat shower. Target. - Down! - Let's move! Saw shit like this in Iraq. Door is on the right. Stand clear! - Moving up. - Everyone, get out of my fucking way! Kick it, Tripod, let's go! - Keep it tight! - I'll take the back. Pyro, I'm behind you. - Cover your sides! - You got it, boss! - Clear. - Let's move. Clear. Clear. Move it up. Look what Mama did for you. Holy shit. Uncle Sam gets his. It's time to get ours. Come on, kids, let's get paid. I guess you blew the right scumbag. I guess I did. You're going to make me sick. Let's go. Come on, Monster, let's go! On it, boss. Neck! Bags, some rope! Yeah. Bags over here. Rope, bags! - We've got three minutes. - Rope! Smoke, cut that shit! Really? Really? Breacher, it's Watcher. What's the delay? Well, we're cutting through an obstacle, sir. - It's going to take a while. - Roger that. Incoming. - Need any help? - Negative. We have active shooters. So just hold back until it's all clear. Who wipes their ass and puts the toilet paper on the outside of the fucking bowl? Hey, get the water line off the toilet. - Hurry the fuck up! - We're working on it. - Today, Monster. - Come on, hurry up, guys. Let's go. - Incoming. - Three, two... Two mikes and we're through. - Two minutes. - Oh, God! - What's taking you so fucking long? - Go, go, go. Let's go, I want more money. You're getting somewhere now. Here you go, babe. Fuck! - Fuck! - What happened? - Man down! - Who's down? Smoke's been hit! God damn it! How'd that happen? - Smoke Jennings is down! Taking fire! - Son of a bitch! Medical, stand by. We may have a problem. - Neck, render aid. - I got it. - Get his head down. - Get your man out of there. - Tripod, get in the rig! - Stay with me. - Got it! - Monster, hurry up. - Monster! - Let's go. We need more money! Breacher, the dude's fucked up! Not getting paid ain't gonna help him. Yeah? Now we're just like them! - Shut your fucking mouth! - This isn't what we fucking do! I'll take your cut. Shut the fuck up! Do your job! Hang in there. Just a little hickey, baby. Keep the money coming! Come on, Breacher. Come on, come on, come on. - One mike! - Fuck, open your eyes! - How's he doing? - He's cleaned up. - We gotta move him, boss! - Get him out of here now. Get him up. A little help, Grinder! Breacher? Breacher, give me status. Stand by. I have men coming out. Call up Medical. Are you in the money room? Let's go! Come on, come on. Get some more, get some more. Lizzy, how much money do we got? About $10 million. - That's enough. Go and help Monster. - On it! - Okay, Tripod. Moving. - John. Come on, come on, come on. Moving it in. Last spark. Our man is out. Let's go. - It's in. It's in. - Go, go, go! Move! God damn it, John! Talk to me. - We're through. - All right, stack up. Team, move. Monster, stay left. Heads on the swivel. Coming out. All right, who dropped ass? Holy shit! Fuck! Stop splashing! Here we go. Come on, boys. This better be worth it! Fucking nasty. Fuck. - Shit. - What? Where's the fucking money? Are you fucking kidding me right now? - What? - We should check in the water. - What'd she say? - Check in the water. The fucking money's gone. What the fuck you mean, check the water? Right behind you. What happened with the money? What do you mean there's no fucking money? Look at the rope. It's been cut. Just check down there. Check down here. Oh, fucking shit. Who the fuck else knew about this shit? Come on. It's not in the fucking water, man! It's not in the fucking water! No fucking way! Who fucking cut the rope? Why don't you all just shut the fuck up and let's go? Hold up, you guys. Hold up. What the fuck is that? Bullet. We just wasted our whole fucking career for this shit and there's nothing here? This ain't good. Let's walk. Check the water. We sold ourselves out for this. We got a little problem. $10 million is missing. Now listen. You all did a fine job in there. We're not arguing that you've got a good record with the DEA. None of that matters right now, 'cause all we need to do is find out where that $10 million is. And that's why you're here. It was a big, giant fucking stack of money. How do you know, exactly down to the dollar, how much was in that room? Well, the FBI was carrying on a parallel investigation. Did you ever see the $200 million? Did you guys hear me say I want my lawyer? You know what would clear your ass? If you'd take a polygraph. - No poly. - No poly? That's weak. That's sad. Your ass is going to prison. When money is supposed to be there and it goes away, and it looks like to us, it was a setup. It may not be, and we're going to find out. And I know you had a friend who died. And that's awful, and it's going to be more awful if it was because of money. My friend did not die for fucking $10 million. We lost a man, we lost a brother. And you don't give a shit about that. It was Wharton's idea, wasn't it? You were just following the lead of a respected supervisor. I mean, John is like your daddy. You were doing what you had to do. Fuck you. You don't know my daddy. This agency saved your ass. You were going nowhere. You were a question mark coming in here. And you have been better than any of us ever dreamed. And you've always outperformed. We're trying to save that career. This is your family, Joe. This is your family. See, I'm not a thief. If that cartel finds out that you took $10 million, they're going to slit your throat from ear to ear. I gotta pee, man. - Say what? - I gotta piss. Then go pee. Man, he got cameras all over. There's no way I can go. Oh, dude, really? Piss, man. What the hell? What you think? I'm not going to stick my dick where your dick been sticking in, man. I ain't putting it in there. Yeah, the problem is, your shit probably fit in there. My shit don't fit in there. I need a thermos or some shit. Look at this. You threw a bottle of piss in my lap. Man, it's got a cap on it. - Morning, Breach. - Morning. Hey, good morning. Oh, man, thanks, Breach! Breakfast of champions, huh? Here's your DVD, man. Appreciate it. And don't piss in my bushes anymore, okay? I have a surveillance camera. I see it all. No, that was him. I've got a bottle. I'm not using that bottle. I ain't sticking my dick nowhere your dick has been, damn that. You didn't say that about Rebecca. When you fuck Rebecca? - I fuck them all. - Bro. Just follow that truck. I'm gonna deal with you. So you think he did it? I don't know if he did it. I just know I hear stuff, that's all I'm saying. They're looking for something. But they haven't found anything, or else we wouldn't be following him around like this. Yeah. Why don't you just pull the pin on this? You're never going to be able to spend that blood money anyway. Do it for your team. Do it for your country. Do it for yourself. Retire. End it. End the pain. Fuck you, Breacher. I hate it as much as you do, sir. Tactical god. Why don't you wash your fucking hands? That's a new suit? Why do you rock that off-the-rack, cheap-ass JCPenney shit when you can afford Armani? In fact, why aren't you on a yacht in the Caymans? I know what you're trying to do. The jabs, the jokes. But tell them I'm not going to bite. What'd you tell Smoke Jennings' wife? That he died for a good cause, making you rich? Tell them you let me disarm you. Give me the fucking gun. Come in. Have a seat, John. It's over. I'll go and clean out my desk. I'm not firing you. The investigation is over. No one's been exonerated. DC just lost their appetite. Who do you know in Washington, John? Got a picture of a senator fucking a goat, maybe? The only thing anyone in law enforcement has is their credibility. It's like virginity. Once it's gone, it's gone forever. When did you lose yours? What if I gave you your team back? Don't fuck with me. No one wants you, John. I've got nowhere else to stick you. Mind showing some leadership this time? Gun. Badge. Creds. There you go. You're back in the game. They don't fucking let us train. They don't let us shoot. I mean, I can't even carry a fucking gun in here, dude. We're sitting on our asses, rotting. It's punishment, bro. Don't let it get in your head. Just deal with it. I am. - Who's winning? - Get down. Get the fuck out of the way! - In the middle of my goddamn game! - Fuck me! Country-ass motherfucker! - Why you acting all Jethro on that shit? - You gonna play? We're reduced to a fucking rubber gun squad, bro, I feel like a fucking parolee. Why is he tattooing a dick on your back, Pyro? - You know what, bro, this is a fallen soldier. - Fuck you, man. Will you fucking dial it down? I just lost a buddy down range! Easy, easy, killer. Hell! It does kind of look like a dick. The expert has spoken. Bro, if I turn around and see a fucking dick in the mirror, you're dead. It doesn't look like a dick. Get off my ass, man! You might wanna listen to this. - It's a fucking piece of shit. - Fuck you. 'Cause all the company she keeps is rubbing off on her. All the fucking piece-of-shit-ness... Man, you need a Xanax or something. Why don't you go home and fuck your mama again? Come on, man. You were slightly amusing in the field. Here, you just suck. I will out-fight, out-fuck and out-work you on my worst day. See, I don't wanna fuck you, Lizzy. Crack whores are not my thing. Hey! That's my wife, yeah? Bro, you bought a fucking cow when the milk was free. Let's do it, pussy. Come on, let's go bareback. Wear a mouthpiece and head guard if you want. I'll still fucking dismantle you! Okay, now I want to fuck her. Out cold, bitch! - She got you. - Yo! What the fuck is going on here? This place looks like a fucking crack house! You shouldn't be here. What are you doing here? The investigation is over. - We're back in business! - No shit? Yes! - Here are your credentials. - Fucking finally! Gimme! - How'd you manage this, boss? - Ain't that pretty? I told you! I told you motherfuckers! - And you, put a shirt on. - Here we go. You're just jealous. Good to have you back, boss. Is that a dick? Dude! - It's a self-portrait! - Where's the fucking mirror? It's not done. Let's go! Morning, boss. - Morning! - Boss! Morning, Daddy. Good to be back. What took you so fucking long? I'm embarrassed you don't have decent shit. Who's got coffee? Knock the dust off! Are you fucking kidding me? You promised you'd use the down time to work on yourself. I'm fine. Give me the weapon. No. - I can train... - Lizzy. Breacher. I'm training. Why don't you go play daddy somewhere else, huh? Come on. Slow the fuck down! Shut the fuck up! - Hurry the fuck up! - You're moving too fast. - Sweetheart, shut up! - So slow. You need to skinny up, motherfucker. Get that chicken wing out of the way. Fucking get in your own lane. Y'all seriously taking giant-ass steps. Give me room. Give me room! Little room. Little room! Contact right! Hi! We're home! Thank you! Fuck, y'all didn't even stutter, man! Slowest fucking pie I've ever seen in my life. Whenever you're ready! Come on, open the door, let's go! Make a decision! - All fucking day. - Let me pie this fucking door. If there's pussy in there, you'd already be in there. Dead. It won't kick itself. Punch it! Breaching the fucking door! What the fuck are you doing? - Seriously! - Fuck you! - First in the room? - That's the way to wait for the team there. - Very nice. Very nice. - That's not how you fucking do it. You going to get in my fucking way every time? All right, secure from exercise! This one is down. Yeah, I got him. - What about him? - Fuck! And who is that? Somebody's got to dig that fucking corner. No shit! - Yeah, second guy in the room. - It was you! - I was number three! - You got this guy. - That's your fucking corner! - Be quiet. - He's dead! - I was third one through! Guys, shut up! - You should have dug the corner. - Shut up! Shut up. Grinder. You have to take that corner. You breached. You immediately turn and you go for it. That's your responsibility, and you cover that corner. There's no argument here, so let's run it again. - Fucking asshole. - Told you. Come on, guys. Fuck it! Why don't I run it by myself? I'll show you fuckers how to do it! Oh, fuck off! So what happened? You used to be good at this. Yeah, well, six months of finger pointing and recrimination happened. You weren't around. You didn't have our backs. Well, not by choice. That's your fucking excuse? When did you ever listen to the rules? We're not a team anymore. Just a gang. And there is no trust. There is no trust. We're going to get it back. I know. We're still a family. Yeah, I wish I could believe you. So now we don't trust each other? In what we do, there is only trust. I trust you! Each and every one of you. With my life. And I'll prove it to you. Kick the door. Kill the bad guys. Don't kill me. What the fuck did you say to him? Target! How did we do, boss? Good. Good job. I guess we don't suck. It's time to do the Lord's work. Shots! Beers! Come on! All right, who's gonna get this round? I'll get the fucking round! Why they call you Pyro, honey? 'Cause I hooked a flashbang in a meth lab, burned down the whole fucking apartment building. That's why we don't let him have the bangs no more. You about burned my ass up, you bastard. We call him Pyro 'cause his ass burns. Yeah, whatever, asshole. Get of here. Get out of here. - I would hit that. - Fuck yeah! To Lizzy, my favorite evil bitch. Evil bitch! No, fuck that! Let's drink to Smoke Jennings. That motherfucker died for our sins. Fuck yeah. - Smoke Jennings! - Smoke! - Smoke! - Smoke! - Yeah! - Smoke! This is one for the homie that can't be here. Smoke Jennings. You know, we missed you. You're the heart and soul of us. Don't ever forget that. They almost won. It's fucking bullshit and you know it. We're here, aren't we? We held out as a team. It's just that, that thing that we did was for nothing. Let it go. You hear me? Let it go. Okay. You know what? I can do this shit better than all y'all. Get the fuck off the stage! Get the fuck off the stage! Relax! Let's go, motherfucker! Get the fuck back! Good night, motherfucker. All right, let's go. We gotta roll, we gotta roll! Sorry about your bouncer, man! Thanks for the lap dance! - Have a nice night! - Son of a bitch with a weak-ass right. Fuck! What the fuck? What the fuck? No! What the fuck? Fuck! Fuck! Miss. Hi. Tom worked for me. John Wharton. Caroline Brentwood. Homicide. Can you help me with next of kin? There's some ex-wives. So, what happened here? Train versus Winnebago. Train won. So why is Homicide involved? Well, some sucker's got to write it up. Guess that's me. Anything else I can do? Start sweeping for body parts. Caroline, hey, I found the torso. Coming to you! Oh, geez. Look at this. You can smell the alcohol from here. Yeah, right. Your man's been drinking. We did have a team celebration. As soon as I get this place locked down, I need a statement from you. You know who that is, right? Some Fed who thinks his shit don't stink. That's John Wharton. He's a drug war god. What... He looks a little down, Darius. Why don't you go suck his dick? That ain't right. - Well, you're making cow eyes at him. - That ain't right. - Stripper's here! - Oh, yeah! Aren't you a little old for this shit? Investigator Caroline Brentwood. I'm looking for Eddie Jordan. - Neck! - Yo! I brought you a present. Oh, shit. Look at the water. No, thank you. Have a fucking drink for my friend. We buried him today. That's why I'm here. You wanna go somewhere private? Private? Fuck that. This is family time. You just get the fuck over here and make it clap for Uncle Daddy. Look at you, got the whole FBI getup. You got your badge. You dumb fuck, that's the lead investigator in Pyro's accident. Am I right? It's a fucking stripper! She's not the stripper. She's an APD investigator. - Damn. - We'd welcome you. But I just want to know what the fuck you doing here right now. Well, I'm sorry to rain on your bro down. I just need to get a quick statement. Neck, lawyer the fuck up! Don't say shit! You know it, Sugar! Neck hates cops because the Columbian police beat the living shit out of him for not paying a tranny. Dude, you fucking gotta bring that up every fucking time! I got worse PTSD from a dude in heels than anything I got in that fucking place. I'll strip for you, honey bear. Get her, Grinder. I'm good, thank you. Pull your fucking panties out of your ass, sweetheart, and take the beer. It's a party. Well, since you put it like that. I like the way you play. Now lick it off. One step closer, I rip your fucking balls off. Get her, baby bird! Get her! Hey! Shut the fuck up! Boss, come on! Come on, settle down, shut up. This is my fucking house, okay? She's a guest! - Guest, my ass. - Come on. Let's go inside. Hit that, Breach, get some! Investigate the shit out of that. Whose round it is? Pyro's! I've been chasing your man three days for a five-minute interview. Can you do something about that? You some kind of a big deal? Yeah. I've been around. I speak to him tomorrow, or I go over your head. I will make it happen. Your friend's here. I wouldn't bother. Tips are lousy. Liquor store's cleared by arrest. - We present to Nichols on Tuesday. - No. Suspect has taken a plea. - Who says? - Nichols' office. Funny how they do that when they're on video. Train versus RV. It's ruled accidental, so I'm thinking this is not our problem. I just have one interview to do on that. I'll knock it out tonight. It's accidental. Who cares? Right, so no one should interview the last guy who saw him alive? Perfectionist. Breacher. Gotta go. Breacher. Damn. He's sexting me. - All right, man, just go. Go ahead. - Want to see? Get out of my face with that, man. He's a natural blond, you know. - Get out of my face. - Oh, yeah. I don't want to hear nothing about that. You are dirty. Jezebel. I've known some cops in my time, but your people don't seem like cops. Good. They're the best undercover agents in the DEA. Work hard, play hard, right? Look who's talking. You enjoy your cups. Why do you say that? Your skin. Just... Neck! It's me! Shit, no light. Come on. You don't need that. I'm a cautious girl. Neck! Wake up, you drunk fuck! You got right. Move. Clear. Clear. Sorry. Let me clear this. Move. - Clear. - Okay. Where the fuck is he? Oh, fuck! Would you help me up, please? Can you help me up, please? Thank you very much. Well, we found him. You smoke? Only when I find my witnesses nailed to the ceiling. Right. I'm gonna leave. No, you're not. You're not fucking leaving! You're in this now. What are you talking about? I'm a Fed. See you. You're an asshole. All right, let's cut him down. From a preliminary investigation, I have a cause of death. Massive hemothorax. From a right ventricular stab wound. This, where my finger is... That's how far the knife went inside his chest. - Okay. - And they gutted him like a pig. Hey, Doc, this guy's a trained guy. Who could walk up on a trained guy like that? Somebody that had better skills than he had. He knew exactly where he was stabbing. Boo-yah! Got some hairs. Not the victim's. - Show me. - Right here. And here's some more. Here. - Can you bag those? - Sure. I'll take them to the lab myself. Okay. - Thanks, guys. - Sure. - Thanks. - You got it. You know, in Northern Ireland, the IRA nailed snitches to the kitchen floor. How do you know shit like that? Some research I was doing. Okay, so you put out a BOLO for Lucky Charms guy. Hey, take a criminalist and sweep the RV's cab. For what? What am I looking for? Linkage. They're dead and we're not. What are we doing? We D-up and present a hard target. Like taking showers with full body armor. Well, we need fucking intel. - Who'd they send up? - Well, who do you think, sweetheart? Check the board! Could be Soto! Could be fucking Romero! It could be fucking... They could be... They may be... Fucking... Any of this a surprise to you? Just let it go, huh? Surprise to you, Sugar? I don't really know what you're talking about. Guess I'm the only one with any fucking balls here. It's the goddamn money. - Just let it go, all right? - No! We had to go fingering the devil's pussy. It's an occupational hazard when you fight the cartels. Oh, really? You see any other Feds getting smoked? - It could happen to anyone. - Bullshit! You believe that, chief? Or is that just some shit you're spitting in case this place is bugged? Always assume that someone is listening. So shut the fuck up. I ain't gonna fight you, boss. Where the fuck are you going? Out. I'm bored. You're not going out. It's not safe. They're hunting us. I can take care of myself. - Give me that fucking... - No! Give that back to me. Give that back to me! Monster! What's this, huh? Is this chewing gum? Yeah. What the fuck you need this for? What the fuck do you need this for? - Get out of my way. - No, Lizzy. It's the stripper. Can we talk inside? What the fuck do you want? Just some background information on your unit. So I can develop some suspects. You know what we do, right? This special operations team? Well, to be honest, I have no idea. Why don't you tell me? We covertly penetrate drug organizations. I guess that would make you some enemies, huh? Any one come to mind? Any particular guy that might nail Special Agent Jordan to a ceiling? Are you really this stupid? Ma'am, I'm not your friend, and I'm not your colleague. So don't bully me. Or I'll slap you with a 48-hour jail hold. And by the looks of things, you can't hack a day without your favorite controlled substance. So let's keep it nice, shall we? And yes, assume I'm stupid. Paint me a picture. Please. I took these in Juarez. They're friends of mine. And this is what the Rios-Garza cartel does to indicate that you've pissed them off. Sweetheart, you're so in over your fucking head. You need more than a Glock and sensible shoes. Walk away. Walk away. I'll show myself out. Thank you for your time. It's our pleasure. We're gonna have to each get two jobs just to put him through school. Have you considered prostitution? - Hey, what's up? - More black hairs. And look. A beautiful thumbprint we got off the steering column of the RV. - It's not the vic's. - Boo-yeah! Linkage. You just said "boo-yeah." That's my thing. Don't jack my thing. I heard the lab tech say it. I didn't hear it. Bullshit, you heard it. Well, if she said it, she got it from me. Due to the staging of Special Agent Jordan's body, we believe there's a connection to the Rios-Garza cartel. DTO. Rios-Garza Drug Trafficking Organization. We don't use the term "cartel." Thank you, sir. It seems that Special Agent Roberts' death was not an accident. We have recovered physical evidence linking the two crime scenes. I would like to have a copy of those files, if you could make those available for me. - Yes, sir. - Today, would that be all right? - Yes, sir. - Thank you. Investigator Brentwood, what exactly do you want from us? Well, learning about the victims helps me find the suspects. Maybe these murders are blowback from cases they worked on. You want access to DEA case files? It would help. Are you asking for investigatory support or access to our records? Both. Look, maybe there's someone I can liaise with, someone who... Investigator Brentwood, your agency needs to draft a formal letter requesting assistance. Any documents you want access to will need to be specifically cited. Specifically cited. What information do you need? Incident report numbers. File numbers. Right. And how are we going to know those numbers if we don't know those numbers? If you don't know really what you want, what are you doing here? Two murders of DEA agents have happened on my watch. And it's my job to investigate them, and I'm asking for your help. Just have the chief fire off a letter, and we'll see what we can do. Thank you for coming in. Have a nice day, y'all. Fucking US Attorney and their own general counsel? These guys are scared. Hey. You're Brentwood, you're Jackson, right? Yeah. You working the agent nailed to the ceiling? What do you know about that? The DEA is a dysfunctional family, all right? No one's going to talk family business with you. Who are you? Got a card? Ask yourself why it happened. Everything happens for a reason. Think about that. Stop leaving your shit on my seat. That's not mine. It's not some porn you're hiding from your wife? That's not mine. It's not mine. You're out here saving these adrenaline junkies that mean absolutely nothing to this department. I would take a bullet for those guys. You'd take a bullet. Would you take 10 million bucks? Would you take $10 million? Where's the money? Don't fucking scream at me! - Where's the money? - You dumb fuck, you! Look at you! With your fucking 48% body fat. And, you, scrawny little bastard! - Fuck you guys! - Go to the gym, John. Fucking liar. Fucking liar! He's a fucking liar. What? Caroline, where you going? Why the fuck didn't you tell me you were under investigation for stealing from the Rios-Garza cartel? Get in. I need a drink. I need you to be straight with me, John. No, you be straight with me. Why do I have to find out through the grapevine that you linked the deaths of my people? They're linked, I'm sorry. My turn. Did you steal the money? No. - And fuck you for asking. - Don't be such a girl. Your agency thinks you did. So does the Rios-Garza cartel. Why do you think they're killing your guys? Spend enough time on the job, the job bites back. That's bullshit. You going somewhere? One of my guys quit the team. He's off the grid. I gotta warn him. Okay, grab your stuff and I'll drive. They're going to continue to fucking kill people, and kill fucking innocent people and women and children in Mexico and the United States - unless you have guys like me! - Son! - That's a fact. - Son! Motherfucker, I quit. Last fall, an 8-year-old girl vanished from her bed. No leads. Only her daddy's bullshit about hearing black voices. And he's a drinker. Joins AA the week after she disappears. He profiles, too. Domestic abuser, all that. And I can't find enough for the DA to file. Do you see where this is going? Just because you're not in jail doesn't mean you didn't do it. You're awesome on a road trip, you know that? Yeah, I've heard that before. That's it, right there. It's beautiful. Watch out for booby traps. Bullshit. I'm serious. This could take your leg right off. Here's the trip wire. Why is he so paranoid? Maybe he doesn't want to get nailed to a ceiling. Tripod! McNeely? It's John! There's something off. Fuck. Unit 2150. Send me two units and an ME to my location. AK brass. The guy hit the trip wire. Right there. Looks like he bled out. Here, hold this. What's that? They're world-class assholes. Give me the weapon. I don't trust you. Well, you know, it was getting heavy anyway. Hey! How you feeling? I'm sorry? Well, now that you got sucked into our world. They're Kaibiles. Kaibiles? Guatemalan Special Forces. Okay. Rios-Garza Organization loves to use them for high-power hits. You know, McNeely was a fucking Navy SEAL. He was 10 times the operator that I'll ever be. What chance do you think I got? See, they're the best assassins that money can buy. Honey, I worked gangs for eight years. Streets have rules, okay? You steal money, doesn't matter who you are, you can be a cop, you could be God, they will get you. I came here to help you. - No, you did not. - To help you understand. You came here 'cause you think you're gonna be next. You came here to steer me, okay? If you want to help me, and if you don't want to get nailed to a ceiling or run over by a train, you need to break free from your buddies and tell me something I don't know about John Wharton. Because I can't read him. Tell me something I don't know. Two years ago, we arrested Edgar Rios in Juarez. He was an old-school drug lord, ran all their operations. It was a big deal. We're handing him over to the Mexicans when some broad pulls her shit and dumps him. Cartel didn't want him debriefed by our intel people. Problem solved. But they had a bigger problem. They wanted the man who can get the man that nobody can get. John gets a call from the bad guys. They snatched his wife and kid right out of his house on Lake Lanier. They're holding them in Juarez. They make him an offer. "Surrender yourself to the cartel and your family lives." John's family is everything. John was married forever. His son Jacob was his best friend. Love you, Dad. They tortured Karen and Jacob to death. There's video. Evil shit. No! No! No! They mailed pieces of them to his home for weeks. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! So John went down there. Alone. Hunting the man who killed his wife. John, we're coming in! He didn't find him. We're here to bring you back home. This isn't going to bring them back. Come on. Let's go home. John is obsessed with finding his wife's killer. It's like a cancer in his soul. Caroline, we lost John when they died. Go home. Go home now. I was just trying to help. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. John. Wait up. I didn't know about your family. John, I'm sorry, I... Now you know. They sent me her face. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So this isn't creepy. Someone else get killed? I brought a peace offering. Let me show you something. Your shooters. They're Guatemalan Special Forces. They came in through Juarez with stolen visas. ICE alerted, ran surveillance. But lost them outside of Atlanta. Now, you said you had prints. Yeah. We got one at the RV, and one outside McNeely's cabin. But no NCIC hits. See if these match. Pretty please. ICE took them off some beer cans inside their hotel room. Should I have these? No. Then why'd you give them to me? I don't want anything to happen to you. Holy shit. No way. Don't say a word. What happened to "I'll never date a cop"? Who said anything about a date? Evil harlot. I can't believe you said that. You dirty, dirty girl. So I got a present for you. Check that out. Bad guys. Dude looks like Mario from Donkey Kong. Who's the metrosexual with the... You've got... Prints, records, everything. Did he leave it on your night stand? You don't want to know. Shit. Get in the car. You all right? 'Cause you walking funny. You're just jealous. Is he a big dude? Like, is he big? That's inappropriate. - Was it good? - Shut up. Shut up. Is he ripped, like a six-pack? Shut up. Just wondering. 'Cause he's, like, a legend. You're good to go. It's a match. - Thank you, Tish. - Okay, I'm going to write out a warrant-affidavit. You put out a BOLO, armed and dangerous. Yeah, and what you gonna tell the judge? That we got slipped some Secret Squirrel ICE file? That's exactly what I'm going to tell him. Once they're in custody, we can get as many print cards as we want. Doesn't matter how we get there, as long as we get there. Do we know where they are? Negative. So we still got no target? What the hell are we doing sitting here? We could be drinking beers, throwing dollars at something naked. We're standing by. For what? Apparently, the boss got that investigator lady working for us now. Ain't that right, boss? Is that true? Hey. Grab a vest. What's up, partner? That ICE file your boyfriend gave you had a credit card. I linked it to a cell phone. That cell phone is live in an apartment building. That apartment building, Narco knows about it. It's a Rios-Garza safe house. Okay, enough energy drinks, partner. While you've been saving mankind, I drafted an affidavit. I sent it to the clerk, judge signed it. You'll be needing that. - Yes, you're right. I need that. - Okay. You're right. I'm sorry. I was excited. Try and arrest him without it, huh? I got excited about it, but we gotta go kick some doors, baby. Multi-level residential. Four units. Brick and masonry. Fortified with barred windows. Steel security doors. You got an iron fence around three sides. All right, what's the plan, boss? We blue angel up the back. Single point dynamic entry. Explosive breach. We don't know what unit they're in, so we clear the whole structure. All right, let's smoke these motherfuckers and get us some dinner then. Two mikes out. Two out, copy. We're at the railroad tracks. Here we go, stand by. Roger that. We're not here to make arrests, right? Breach! They killed two federal agents already. They're not fucking around! No matter what, we all go home tonight at the end of this mission. You know what you're doing with that thing? I was in the Army. - It's the wrong way up. - It's not the wrong way up. You got to rack it all the way back. Come on. I know how to rack a gun. Heading right. Keep your hands up. Let me see your hands. Stay right there. Stay on the bed, kid. Shitty closet! Clear! - Clear! - Good! Let's go! Ready to go! Don't stop! - Going left! - Right! Got your back. Got a bathroom! Clear! - All clear! - Clear. - We're all set, boss! - Keep moving! Stay tight! - One on the couch! - I got left. - Put your hands up! - Going left, boss! - Closet, clear! - Let me see your hands! Anyone else in here? Coming around. - Anyone else in here? - Just my kids. Kids in the back! - There are kids. - Door! Stay right where you are! Just keep them up. I got high. Get low! - Don't move. - Clear. Checking for mice. Clear! We're clear! Moving. Just stay on the bed. Stay on the bed. - We're clear! - Keep moving. Stack up! Okay. Ready? Yup. Door. - You get him! - Go, go, go. Let's roll. Okay, move it! Fuck! We're tight, pop it! Asshole down! We're clear! Fuck! Go! Go! Go! - Target down. - Move! Move! Move! Clear! Clear! Clear! Sugar, let's go. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! Cálmate! Easy! Easy! - Good kill, baby. - Come on! - I got the hostage. - Clear! Going right! - Clear! - Clear! - We're clear! - Clear! Good fucking gunfight! God damn! - Hello. - Hey, boss! You might want to get in here! What? Ta-da! You got your kit, babe? Right, we're secure. I'm gonna ID these guys. So which asshole are you? Lizzy, don't fucking do that! Liquid meth! Hell yeah! You're one fucked up bitch! Yeah, it's meth. This is one for the books. Breach. It's not them. - It's not the Kaibiles! - What do you mean? What are you talking about? You mean we killed six motherfuckers and it ain't them? Well, check again! Okay. No! Still not them! Dead man walking! Fuck me! Fucking shit. - Stay tight. - Behind you, brother. All right, it's clear. Get EMS in here. There's a lot of bodies. What the fuck are you doing here? It's my job. You used me. Breacher, God damn it! What the fuck is going on here? Clean up, aisle three. God almighty! - What's wrong? - Son of a bitch is snagged! Gimme a knife. I'm gonna cut the son of a bitch. The hell you are. That's a new anchor. - Damn, it is heavy, though. - Yeah, it is! All right, keep pulling. What the hell? Jesus Christ! Stay back, son! Turn around. Don't look. How'd they die? Looks like a gun fight. Can you give me race and sex? Male Hispanics, all three. Why the chicken wire? As their bodies bloat, the wire cuts them, releasing the decomp gas. They never float to the surface. Yeah, great tip. I gotta remember that one. Okay, how long they been dead? - A week. - You sure? - A what? - At least a week. If it's the guys that we think... - They've been dead more than a week... - Wait, are these the... - The military guys from the cartel? - Yeah. You think this is them? The Guatemalans. I think it's them. He said they've been dead for a week. It can't be the Guatemalans. That's why we need to find these tattoos. The guy at the cabin had a tattoo on his left shoulder. And if we have a match, then they're part of the same gang, right? The killers are the victims? It just can't be that, Caroline. Tattoo, left shoulder. Have we got anything? Ah, nice! We got it. Darius, come see this. This is our guy. That's it? Who the hell killed them? Nice. Here we go. What you got? Thumb's missing. - Right here. - Right. Okay, so that explains how we got thumbprints in Roberts' RV, huh? Looks like we're working late. Look, if they've been dead a week already, right? They sure as hell didn't nail Jordan to that ceiling. Or drive Roberts over the train tracks. The Guatemalans killed Tripod McNeely, okay? Then somebody kills them, uses them for cover. Come on, Darius, think about it. Who killed the cartel hit men, sprinkles their DNA over two separate crime scenes, wants us to think they're alive? Who do we like for this? Everybody! We like everybody for this one! John, please! John! - Tell John to come for you! - John! Please, John! - Tell him come for you! - John! Come find me! John! Please! Oh, no! We had a good time, didn't we? I love you, John! Who the fuck is hunting us? Who do you think, Breach? It's one of us. It's you! Or it's Grinder! Or Sugar! Or my dear loving husband! Is it you, bitch? No, I keep track of the people I whack. Neck and Pyro ain't on the list. See, I think that she's right! I think she's fucking right. Nailed it. So which fucker is it, huh? Fucking crazy! I mean, why? You know why, Breach. It was the fucking money. Amen. 'Cause some of us are getting paid, and the rest of us are just getting dead. Oh, bullshit! Keep your hands where we can see them. This has been fun, but I'm out of here. I see any of your fucking faces and I'll kill you! Ammo's cheap. My life ain't! It's over. Where'd you bury it, Grinder? Now we fall apart? We scatter to the wind? Yeah, I like that idea. Honey. Yes, sweetheart? I've been fucking Sugar. What the fuck are you doing? That's not what we talked about! Look, man. Look, it is what it is, dude. What do you want me to say? You want me to say I'm sorry? Is it gonna make it any better? You fucker! I'm going to kill you! Monster! No! I thought you were my fucking friend! Boss, I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna fucking kill him! Get the fuck out of here! Why the fuck would you do that shit? Get the fuck out of here! Fucking have a nice life, you fucking cunt! You deserve each other! I warned you. We fucked up. We fucked up, didn't we? What do you want? Can we talk? We stole the money. It was Breacher's idea. We thought it would make him happy. It was $10 million in cash. Went back for it that night, but when we got there, it was gone. DEA, they wanted to throw us in a hole and throw away the hole. Crawled up our asses with a microscope for six months. Nobody broke. So who has the money? It's Lizzy. Or Monster or Sugar. I don't know. She's playing one against the other. What do you want to do? Fuck them all. Let them hang. After I lost my family, I asked myself what was I fighting for. The answer was simple. My team. I wanted them to get something out of all of this. But instead, I destroyed them. Agent Phillips is going to the DEA. I'm not telling you it's gonna be okay. Because it's not. Not for you. - Hey, John. - Hey. I'm sorry. Don't apologize. I would have stepped up if you didn't. You're doing the right thing. I ride this ship down. I ride it down. But you, you could still have a life after this. Doing what, John? Where? This is all I do. And it's over. We can protect you. Get down! Stay down. Tell me again. We were up the block, heard gunfire. We made contact with a female DEA agent. Female DEA agent? She left in a vehicle with a black male. A DEA agent. You heard gunfire! Sir, she badged us. She was legit. She left. Is this the woman you saw? Yeah. That's her. You said "black male"? - Yes, sir. - A red vehicle. - Sugar. - That's your guy, too? Clear. What's all this? She's bailing. She'll never make it. Every cop in Georgia's looking for her. She won't get far. Yes, she will. Do you think that he loves you? What do you think the plan is? To just go run off and make babies? Well, you're gonna be needing this. Just give me my shit and quit fucking around. Don't do it! Monster! Fuck you! Oh, fuck. Baby, I'm sorry! Baby. Oh, God. Lay down. I'm sorry, Monster. I'm sorry. Oh, Jesus! Jesus! I'm going to kill her. Yeah? Hey. I fucked up. I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't know what to do. - Where are you? - Midtown. - Are you alone? - Yeah, I'm alone. Who would I be with? - Can I see you? - Meet me inside the parking structure on 4th. Thanks, Breach. I'll see you soon. That motherfucker! Parking garage? This ain't his first rodeo. Since he wants to be a hero, let's give him somebody to save. Federal agent! Get out of the fucking car! Did you hear me? - Open the fucking door! - Open the fucking door! Get out of the fucking car! There she is. Get down. He's down! He's down! Who the fuck is that in the car? Shit! It's that bitch! Go, go, go! Hold your ass, sweetie! Here we go! Jesus Christ! Take the vest! Put it on the dash and stay down! Fuck me! Lizzy, handle that motherfucker! Oh, fuck! Oh, baby, I fucked that bitch up! Jesus Christ! Fuck! Get the fuck out of the way! We lost them, Sug! Oh, shit. We're gonna make it, baby. We're gonna make it! Fuck, he's still coming! Let's give him a 180! Shit! Turn around! Turn around! I can't make it! Baby, kill that motherfucker! Fuck! Shoot the fucking engine! Fucking die! Watch out! Now, get us the fuck out of here! Fuck! I got no eyes! I can't see shit! Drop the weapon, Lizzy! Okay. Okay. Hey, Breach. You killed my team. Why, Lizzy? Why? Because they stole my money! They fucking robbed me! After everything I put up with! It was my money and they took it, and I couldn't find it! I said, "Fuck them." I took the money. I took it. You took the money? What does that mean? Why? Mexico. This is about fucking Mexico? Your family is never coming home! What is she talking about? And nothing you do will ever change that! You hear me? What the fuck was that? Just be a good girl and walk away. Hey! Hey! What the fuck... I can't. - Pull it together. You okay? - Yeah. - Okay, you hurt? Anything? - No, I'm okay. All right, just take it easy. - Where's Breacher? - He's right there. Where the fuck is he? He was right there. We've got three vics. We've got to find him. Shit! Find Breacher! You heard her, spread out! - Check the truck! - On it. On it. No! Nothing! I don't see him. I don't see him. What the fuck happened, Caroline? What the fuck did you do? You're mine. Your wife. I was the last to have her. You can't take that back. I can take your family. But I'm not like you. - Tell John to come. - John, please! John! He won't come for you! John! Come find me, John! Please! No! Find me! Find me! Help me! Help me! He's not coming. He's not coming. He's coming. No! He's not coming for you. Please stop! Please! Please! Please! He's not calling, he's not coming! Why isn't he coming? He doesn't love you. Please, John. Bitch, you're all done. John. John, John... Tell him to come right now. Come get me, John. No! No! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Three out. Arm the charge. Don't blow your balls off, okay. Hey, don't worry. They're made of brass. Are they as big as your wife's? Who the fuck dropped ass? That was me. Better check your fucking drawers. I think that was brisket, wasn't it? Wasn't that brisket? - Hey, shut the fuck up! - Concentrate! It's payday. Hell, yeah. Look at you. Done a roll call? Breacher and his men are all accounted for. How much is in there? We're about to find out. DC will be very happy. Okay, be ready. Acknowledge. Roger. Fuck that! No! I'm going to hit you fucking raw. Okay. Come here, baby! Come on. All right, come on. Lizzy, radio check. Do you copy me? I hear nothing! What are you talking about? I can only hear your heartbeat. Come on! God damn it, lizzy! Do you copy me? Bad call, boss, sending her in. Oh, relax. She knows how to take care of her business. I got movement. Second story, front window. Center lock. I'm taking the shot. Here we go! Let's move, let's move! Come on! Move it! Stack it up. Stack it up. Puta! Shots fired. Delta side. Neck, stay close with me! Already out! Hey! Hey, where's my shit? I'm going in! You're not going in! I know where the money is! Do you? Let's go long! Fuck, lizzy! You look hot, baby! Whoo! Stack up. Pyro, get the window! On it. Let's go. Tripod, clear. Breach. Breach! Get in there! Move it! - I got high! - Okay, I got back! Come on, y'all! Clear right! Lizzy, there's a fucking gate! No shit. Take this. Got it. - Anybody hurt? - I'm good. Tripod! Demo! Aw, shit, I think I broke a nail. Double up! Give me the charge. What are we doing, boss? Demo set. Three, two, one! Pyro, shoot the fucker! Target down! Good shot! Dead. Get moving! - Breaching shotgun! - Pop it! Move it! Lizzy, where's the money? Down that hall. Spider hole in the ceiling. Target down! Move it! - Watch your head. - Good shot. - Popped his gray. - Meat shower. Target. - Down! - Let's move! Saw shit like this in Iraq. Door is on the right. Stand clear! Moving up. Everyone, get out of my fucking way! Kick it, tripod, let's go! - Keep it tight! - I'll take the back. - Cover your sides! - You got it, boss! Clear. Let's move. Clear. Clear. Move it up. Look what mama did for you. Holy shit. Uncle Sam gets his. It's time to get ours. Come on, kids, let's get paid. I guess you blew the right scumbag. I guess I did. You're going to make me sick. Let's go. Come on, monster, let's go! On it, boss. Neck! Bags, some rope! Yeah. Bags over here. Rope, bags! We've got three minutes. Rope! Smoke, cut that shit! Really? Really? Breacher, it's watcher. What's the delay? Well, we're cutting through an obstacle, sir. It's going to take a while. Roger that. Need any help? Negative. We have active shooters. So just hold back until it's all clear. Who wipes their ass and puts the toilet paper on the outside of the fucking bowl? Hey, get the water line off the toilet. - Hurry the fuck up! - We're working on it. Today, monster. Come on, hurry up, guys. Let's go. Incoming. Three, two... Two Mikes and we're through. Two minutes. Oh, God! What's taking you so fucking long? Go, go, go. Let's go, I want more money. You're getting somewhere now. Here you go, babe. Fuck! - Fuck! - What happened? - Man down! - Who's down? Smoke's been hit! SmokeJennings is down! Taking fire! Son of a bitch! Medical, stand by. We may have a problem. Get his head down. Getyourman out of there. Tripod, get in the rig! Stay with me. Got it! Monster, hurry up. Monster! Let's go. We need more money! Breacher, the dude's fucked up! Not getting paid ain't gonna help him. Shut your fucking mouth! This isn't what we fucking do! I'll take your cut. Shut the fuck up! Do your job! Hang in there. Just a little hickey, baby. Keep the money coming! Come on, breacher. Come on, come on, come on. - One Mike! - Fuck, open your eyes! - How's he doing? - He's cleaned up. We gotta move him, boss! Get him out of here now. Get him up. A little help, grinder! Breacher? Breacher, give me status. Stand by. I have men coming out. Call up medical. Areyou in the money room? Let's go! Come on, come on. Get some more, get some more. Lizzy, how much money do we got? About $10 million. That's enough. Go and help monster. On it! Okay, tripod. Moving. John. Come on, come on, come on. Moving it in. Last spark. - It's in. It's in. - Go, go, go! Move! Goddamnit ,John! Talk to me. We're through. All right, stack up. Team, move. Monster, stay left. Heads on the swivel. Coming out. All right, who dropped ass? Holy shit! Fuck! Stop splashing! Here we go. Come on, boys. This better be worth it! Fucking nasty. Fuck. - Shit. - What? Where's the fucking money? Are you fucking kidding me right now? - What'd she say? - Check in the water. What the fuck you mean, check the water? Right behind you. What happened with the money? What do you mean there's no fucking money? Look at the rope. Just check down there. Check down here. Oh, fucking shit. Who the fuck else knew about this shit? It's not in the fucking water, man! It's not in the fucking water! No fucking way! Why don't you all just shut the fuck up and let's go? Hold up, you guys. Hold up. What the fuck is that? We just wasted our whole fucking career for this shit and there's nothing here? This ain't good. Let's walk. Check the water. We sold ourselves out for this. Wegotalittleproblem. $10 million is missing. Now listen. You all did a fine job in there. We're not arguing that you've got a good record with the DEA. None of that matters right now, 'cause all we need to do is find out where that $10 million is. And that's why you're here. It was a big, giant fucking stack of money. How do you know, exactly down to the dollar, how much was in that room? Well, the FBI was carrying on a parallel investigation. Did you ever see the $200 million? Did you guys hear me say I want my lawyer? You know what would clear your ass? If you'd take a polygraph. No poly. No poly? That's weak. That's sad. Your ass is going to prison. When money is supposed to be there and it goes away, and it looks like to us, it was a setup. It may not be, and we're going to find out. And I know you had a friend who died. And that's awful, and it's going to be more awful if it was because of money. My friend did not die for fucking $10 million. We lost a man, we lost a brother. And you don't give a shit about that. It was wharton's idea, wasn't it? You were just following the lead of a respected supervisor. I mean, John is like your daddy. You were doing what you had to do. Fuck you. You don't know my daddy. This agency saved your ass. You were going nowhere. You were a question mark coming in here. And you have been better than any of us ever dreamed. And you've always outperformed. We're trying to save that career. This is your family, Joe. This is your family. See, I'm not a thief. If that cartel finds out that you took $10 million, they're going to slit your throat from ear to ear. I gotta pee, man. Say what? I gotta piss. Then go pee. Man, he got cameras all over. There's no way I can go. Oh, dude, really? Piss, man. What the hell? What you think? Where your dick been sticking in, man. I ain't putting it in there. Yeah, the problem is, your shit probably fit in there. My shit don't fit in there. I need a thermos or some shit. Look at this. You threw a bottle of piss in my lap. Man, it's got a cap on it. Morning, breach. Morning. Hey, good morning. Oh, man, thanks, breach! Breakfast of champions, huh? Here's your DVD, man. Appreciate it. And don't piss in my bushes anymore, okay? I have a surveillance camera. I see it all. No, that was him. I've got a bottle. I ain't sticking my dick nowhere your dick has been, damn that. You didn't say that about Rebecca. When you fuck Rebecca? I fuck them all. Bro. Just follow that truck. I'm gonna deal with you. I don't know if he did it. I just know I hear stuff, that's all I'm saying. They're looking for something. Or else we wouldn't be following him around like this. Yeah. Why don't you just pull the pin on this? You're never going to be able to spend that blood money anyway. Do it for your team. Do it for your country. Do it for yourself. Retire. End it. End the pain. Fuck you, breacher. I hate it as much as you do, sir. Tactical God. Why don't you wash your fucking hands? That's a new suit? Why do you rock that off-the-rack, cheap-ass jcpenney shit when you can afford Armani? In fact, why aren't you on a yacht in the Caymans? I know what you're trying to do. The jabs, the jokes. But tell them I'm not going to bite. What'd you tell smoke Jennings' wife? That he died for a good cause, making you rich? Tell them you let me disarm you. Give me the fucking gun. Come in. Have a seat, John. It's over. I'll go and clean out my desk. I'm not firing you. The investigation is over. No one's been exonerated. DC just lost their appetite. Who do you know in Washington, John? Got a picture of a senator fucking a goat, maybe? The only thing anyone in law enforcement has is their credibility. It's like virginity. Once it's gone, it's gone forever. When did you lose yours? What if I gave you your team back? Don't fuck with me. No one wants you, John. I've got nowhere else to stick you. Mind showing some leadership this time? Gun. Badge. Creds. There you go. You're back in the game. They don't fucking let us train. They don't let us shoot. I mean, I can't even carry a fucking gun in here, dude. We're sitting on our asses, rotting. It's punishment, bro. Don't let it get in your head. Just deal with it. I am. Who's winning? Get down. Get the fuck out of the way! In the middle of my goddamn game! Fuck me! Country-ass motherfucker! Why you acting all Jethro on that shit? You gonna play? We're reduced to a fucking rubber gun squad, bro, I feel like a fucking parolee. Why is he tattooing a dick on your back, pyro? You know what, bro, this is a fallen soldier. Fuck you, man. Will you fucking dial it down? I just lost a buddy down range! Easy, easy, killer. Hell! It does kind of look like a dick. The expert has spoken. Bro, if I turn around and see a fucking dick in the mirror, you're dead. It doesn't look like a dick. Get off my ass, man! You might wanna listen to this. It's a fucking piece of shit. Fuck you. 'Cause all the company she keeps is rubbing off on her. All the fucking piece-of-shit-ness... Man, you need a Xanax or something. Why don't you go home and fuck your mama again? Come on, man. You were slightly amusing in the field. Here, you just suck. I will out-fight, out-fuck and out-work you on my worst day. See, I don't wanna fuck you, lizzy. Crack whores are not my thing. Hey! That's my wife, yeah? Bro, you bought a fucking cow when the milk was free. Let's do it, pussy. Come on, let's go bareback. Wear a mouthpiece and head guard if you want. I'll still fucking dismantle you! Okay, now I want to fuck her. Out cold, bitch! - She got you. - Yo! What the fuck is going on here? This place looks like a fucking crack house! You shouldn't be here. What are you doing here? The investigation is over. - We're back in business! - No shit? Yes! Whoo! Here are your credentials. Fucking finally! Whoo! Gimme! How'd you manage this, boss? Ain't that pretty? I told you! I told you motherfuckers! - And you, put a shirt on. - Here we go. You're just jealous. Good to have you back, boss. Is that a dick? Dude! It's a self-portrait! Where's the fucking mirror? It's not done. Let's go! Morning, boss. Morning! Boss! Morning, daddy. Good to be back. What took you so fucking long? I'm embarrassed you don't have decent shit. Who's got coffee? Knock the dust off! Are you fucking kidding me? You promised you'd use the down time to work on yourself. I'm fine. Give me the weapon. No. I can train... Lizzy. Breacher. I'm training. Why don't you go play daddy somewhere else, huh? Come on. Slow the fuck down! Shut the fuck up! - Hurry the fuck up! - You're moving too fast. - Sweetheart, shut up! - So slow. You need to skinny up, motherfucker. Get that chicken wing out of the way. Fucking get in your own Lane. Y'all seriously taking giant-ass steps. Give me room. Give me room! Little room. Little room! Contact right! Hi! We're home! Thank you! Slowest fucking pie I've ever seen in my life. Whenever you're ready! Come on, open the door, let's go! Make a decision! All fucking day. Let me pie this fucking door. If there's pussy in there, you'd already be in there. - It won't kick itself. - Punch it! Breaching the fucking door! What the fuck are you doing? First in the room? That's the way to wait for the team there. Very nice. Very nice. That's not how you fucking do it. You going to get in my fucking way every time? All right, secure from exercise! This one is down. Yeah, I got him. What about him? Fuck! And who is that? Somebody's got to dig that fucking corner. No shit! Yeah, second guy in the room. It was you! I was number three! You got this guy. That's your fucking corner! Be quiet. He's dead! I was third one through! You should have dug the corner. Shut up! Shut up. Grinder. You have to take that corner. You breached. You immediately turn and you go for it. That's your responsibility, and you cover that corner. There's no argument here, so let's run it again. - Fucking asshole. - Told you. Come on, guys. Fuck it! Why don't I run it by myself? I'll show you fuckers how to do it! Oh, fuck off! So what happened? You used to be good at this. Yeah, well, six months of finger pointing and recrimination happened. You weren't around. You didn't have our backs. Well, not by choice. That's your fucking excuse? When did you ever listen to the rules? We're not a team anymore. Just a gang. And there is no trust. There is no trust. We're going to get it back. I know. We're still a family. Yeah, I wish I could believe you. So now we don't trust each other? In what we do, there is only trust. I trust you! Each and every one of you. With my life. And I'll prove it to you. Kick the door. Kill the bad guys. Don't kill me. What the fuck did you say to him? Target! How did we do, boss? Good. Good job. I guess we don't suck. It's time to do the lord's work. Shots! Beers! Come on! All right, who's gonna get this round? I'll get the fucking round! Why they call you pyro, honey? 'Cause I hooked a flashbang in a meth lab, burned down the whole fucking apartment building. That's why we don't let him have the bangs no more. You about burned my ass up, you bastard. We call him pyro 'cause his ass burns. Yeah, whatever, asshole. Get of here. Get out of here. I would hit that. Fuck yeah! To lizzy, my favorite evil bitch. Evil bitch! Let's drink to smoke Jennings. That motherfucker died for our sins. Fuck yeah. Smoke Jennings! Smoke! Smoke! Smoke! Yeah! Smoke! This is one for the homie that can't be here. Smoke Jennings. You know, we missed you. You're the heart and soul of us. Don't ever forget that. They almost won. It's fucking bullshit and you know it. We're here, aren't we? We held out as a team. It's just that, that thing that we did was for nothing. Let it go. You hear me? Let it go. Okay. You know what? I can do this shit better than all y'all. Get the fuck off the stage! Get the fuck off the stage! Relax! Let's go, motherfucker! Get the fuck back! All right, let's go. We gotta roll, we gotta roll! Whoo! Have a nice night! Son of a bitch with a weak-ass right. Fuck! What the fuck? What the fuck? No! What the fuck? Fuck! Fuck! Miss. Hi. Tom worked for me. John wharton. Caroline brentwood. Homicide. Can you help me with next of kin? There's some ex-wives. So, what happened here? Train versus winnebago. Train won. So why is homicide involved? Well, some sucker's got to write it up. Guess that's me. Anything else I can do? Start sweeping for body parts. Caroline, hey, I found the torso. Coming to you! Oh, geez. Look at this. You can smell the alcohol from here. Yeah, right. Your man's been drinking. We did have a team celebration. As soon as I get this place locked down, I need a statement from you. You know who that is, right? Some fed who thinks his shit don't stink. That's John wharton. He's a drug war God. What... he looks a little down, Darius. Why don't you go suck his dick? That ain't right. Well, you're making cow eyes at him. That ain't right. Stripper's here! Whoo! Ooh, yeah! Aren't you a little old for this shit? Investigator Caroline brentwood. I'm looking for Eddie Jordan. Neck! Yo! I brought you a present. Oh, shit. Look at the water. Have a fucking drink for my friend. We buried him today. That's why I'm here. You wanna go somewhere private? Private? Fuck that. This is family time. You just get the fuck over here and make it clap for Uncle daddy. Look at you, got the whole FBI getup. You got your badge. You dumb fuck, that's the lead investigator in pyro's accident. Am I right? It's a fucking stripper! She's not the stripper. She's an apd investigator. Damn. We'd welcome you. But I just want to know what the fuck you doing here right now. Well, I'm sorry to rain on your bro down. I just need to get a quick statement. Neck, lawyer the fuck up! Don't say shit! Neck hates cops because the columbian police beat the living shit out of him for not paying a tranny. Dude, you fucking gotta bring that up every fucking time! I got worse PTSD from a dude in heels than anything I got in that fucking place. I'll strip for you, honey bear. Get her, grinder. Pull your fucking panties out of your ass, sweetheart, and take the beer. It's a party. Well, since you put it like that. I like the way you play. Now lick it off. One step closer, I rip your fucking balls off. Whoo! Get her, baby bird! Get her! Hey! Shut the fuck up! Boss, come on! Come on, settle down, shut up. This is my fucking house, okay? She's a guest! Guest, my ass. Come on. Let's go inside. Hit that, breach, get some! Investigate the shit out of that. Whose round it is? Pyro's! I've been chasing your man three days for a five-minute interview. Can you do something about that? You some kind of a big deal? Yeah. I've been around. I speak to him tomorrow, or I go over your head. I will make it happen. Your friend's here. I wouldn't bother. Tips are lousy. Liquor store's cleared by arrest. We present to Nichols on Tuesday. No. Suspect has taken a plea. Who says? Nichols' office. Funny how they do that when they're on video. Mmm-hmm. Train versus rv. It's ruled accidental, so I'm thinking this is not our problem. I just have one interview to do on that. I'll knock it out tonight. It's accidental. Who cares? Right, so no one should interview the last guy who saw him alive? Perfectionist. Breacher. Gotta go. Breacher. Damn. He's sexting me. All right, man, just go. Go ahead. Want to see? Get out of my face with that, man. He's a natural blond, you know. Get out of my face. Oh, yeah. I don't want to hear nothing about that. You are dirty. Jezebel. I've known some cops in my time, but your people don't seem like cops. Good. They're the best undercover agents in the DEA. Work hard, play hard, right? Look who's talking. You enjoy your cups. Why do you say that? Your skin. Wow. Just... Wow. Wow. Neck! It's me! Shit, no light. Come on. You don't need that. I'm a cautious girl. Neck! Wake up, you drunk fuck! You got right. Move. Clear. Clear. Sorry. Let me clear this. Move. - Clear. - Okay. Where the fuck is he? Oh, fuck! Would you help me up, please? Can you help me up, please? Thank you very much. Well, we found him. You smoke? Only when I find my witnesses nailed to the ceiling. Right. I'm gonna leave. No, you're not. You're not fucking leaving! You're in this now. What are you talking about? I'm a fed. See you. You're an asshole. All right, let's cut him down. From a preliminary investigation, I have a cause of death. Massive hemothorax. From a right ventricular stab wound. This, where my finger is... Uh-huh. That's how far the knife went inside his chest. Okay. And they gutted him like a pig. Hey, doc, this guy's a trained guy. Who could walk up on a trained guy like that? Somebody that had better skills than he had. He knew exactly where he was stabbing. Boo-yah! Got some hairs. Not the victim's. Show me. Right here. And here's some more. Here. Can you bag those? Sure. I'll take them to the lab myself. Okay. - Thanks, guys. - Sure. - Thanks. - You got it. You know, in northern Ireland, the ira nailed snitches to the kitchen floor. How do you know shit like that? Some research I was doing. Okay, so you put out a bolo for lucky charms guy. Hey, take a criminalist and sweep the rv's cab. For what? What am I looking for? Linkage. They're dead and we're not. What are we doing? We d-up and present a hard target. Like taking showers with full body armor. Well, we need fucking intel. Who'd they send up? Well, who do you think, sweetheart? Check the board! Could be soto! Could be fucking romero! They may be... fucking... Any of this a surprise to you? Just let it go, huh? I don't really know what you're talking about. Guess I'm the only one with any fucking balls here. It's the goddamn money. Just let it go, all right? No! We had to go fingering the devil's pussy. It's an occupational hazard when you fight the cartels. Oh, really? You see any other feds getting smoked? It could happen to anyone. Bullshit! You believe that, chief? Or is that just some shit you're spitting in case this place is bugged? Always assume that someone is listening. So shut the fuck up. I ain't gonna fight you, boss. Where the fuck are you going? Out. I'm bored. You're not going out. It's not safe. They're hunting us. I can take care of myself. Give that back to me. Give that back to me! Monster! What's this, huh? Is this chewing gum? Huh? Yeah. What the fuck you need this for? What the fuck do you need this for? Get out of my way. No, lizzy. It's the stripper. Can we talk inside? What the fuck do you want? Just some background information on your unit. So I can develop some suspects. You know what we do, right? This special operations team? Well, to be honest, I have no idea. Why don't you tell me? We covertly penetrate drug organizations. I guess that would make you some enemies, huh? Any one come to mind? Any particular guy that might nail special agent Jordan to a ceiling? Are you really this stupid? Ma'am, I'm not your friend, and I'm not your colleague. So don't bully me. Or I'll slap you with a 48-hour jail hold. You can't hack a day without your favorite controlled substance. So let's keep it nice, shall we? And yes, assume I'm stupid. Paint me a picture. Please. I took these in juarez. They're friends of mine. And this is what the rios-garza cartel does to indicate that you've pissed them off. Sweetheart, you're so in over your fucking head. You need more than a glock and sensible shoes. Walk away. Walk away. I'll show myself out. Thank you for your time. It's our pleasure. We're gonna have to each get two jobs just to put him through school. Have you considered prostitution? Hey, what's up? More black hairs. A beautiful thumbprint we got off the steering column of the rv. It's not the Vic's. Boo-yeah! Linkage. You just said "boo-yeah." That's my thing. Don't Jack my thing. I heard the lab tech say it. I didn't hear it. Bullshit, you heard it. Well, if she said it, she got it from me. Due to the staging of special agent Jordan's body, we believe there's a connection to the rios-garza cartel. Dto. Rios-garza drug trafficking organization. We don't use the term "cartel." Thank you, sir. It seems that special agent Roberts' death was not an accident. We have recovered physical evidence linking the two crime scenes. I would like to have a copy of those files, if you could make those available for me. Yes, sir. Today, would that be all right? Yes, sir. Thank you. Investigator brentwood, what exactly do you want from us? Well, learning about the victims helps me find the suspects. Maybe these murders are blowback from cases they worked on. You want access to DEA case files? It would help. Are you asking for investigatory support or access to our records? Both. Look, maybe there's someone I can liaise with, someone who... your agency needs to draft a formal letter requesting assistance. Any documents you want access to will need to be specifically cited. Specifically cited. What information do you need? Incident report numbers. File numbers. And how are we going to know those numbers if we don't know those numbers? If you don't know really what you want, what are you doing here? Two murders of DEA agents have happened on my watch. And it's my job to investigate them, and I'm asking for your help. Just have the chief fire off a letter, and we'll see what we can do. Thank you for coming in. Have a nice day, y'all. Fucking us attorney and their own general counsel? These guys are scared. Hey. You're brentwood, you're Jackson, right? You working the agent nailed to the ceiling? What do you know about that? The DEA is a dysfunctional family, all right? No one's going to talk family business with you. Who are you? Got a card? Everything happens for a reason. Think about that. Stop leaving your shit on my seat. That's not mine. It's not some porn you're hiding from your wife? That's not mine. It's not mine. You'reoutheresaving these adrenaline junkies that mean absolutely nothing to this department. Iwouldtake a bullet for those guys. Hmm. You'd take a bullet. Would you take 10 million bucks? Would you take $10 million? Where's the money? Where's the money? You dumb fuck, you! Look at you! With your fucking 48% body fat. And, you, scrawny little bastard! - Fuck you guys! - Go to the gym, John. Fucking liar. Fucking liar! He's a fucking liar. What? Caroline, where you going? you were under investigation for stealing from the rios-garza cartel? Get in. I need a drink. I need you to be straight with me, John. No, you be straight with me. Why do I have to find out through the grapevine that you linked the deaths of my people? They're linked, I'm sorry. My turn. Did you steal the money? No. And fuck you for asking. Don't be such a girl. Your agency thinks you did. So does the rios-garza cartel. Why do you think they're killing your guys? Spend enough time on the job, the job bites back. That's bullshit. You going somewhere? One of my guys quit the team. He's off the grid. I gotta warn him. Okay, grab your stuff and I'll drive. They're going to continue to fucking kill people, and women and children in Mexico and the United States unless you have guys like me! Son! That's a fact. Son! Motherfucker, I quit. Last fall, an 8-year-old girl vanished from her bed. Only her daddy's bullshit about hearing black voices. And he's a drinker. Joins aa the week after she disappears. He profiles, too. Domestic abuser, all that. And I can't find enough for the da to file. Just because you're not in jail doesn't mean you didn't do it. You're awesome on a road trip, you know that? Yeah, I've heard that before. That's it, right there. It's beautiful. Watch out for booby traps. Bullshit. I'm serious. This could take your leg right off. Here's the trip wire. Why is he so paranoid? Maybe he doesn't want to get nailed to a ceiling. Tripod! Mcneely? It's John! There's something off. Fuck. Unit 2150. Send me two units and an me to my location. Ak brass. The guy hit the trip wire. Right there. Looks like he bled out. Here, hold this. What's that? They're world-class assholes. Give me the weapon. I don't trust you. Well, you know, it was getting heavy anyway. Hey! How you feeling? I'm sorry? Well, now that you got sucked into our world. They're kaibiles. Kaibiles? Guatemalan special forces. Rios-garza organization loves to use them for high-power hits. You know, mcneely was a fucking Navy seal. He was 10 times the operator that I'll ever be. What chance do you think I got? See, they're the best assassins that money can buy. Honey, I worked gangs for eight years. Streets have rules, okay? You steal money, doesn't matter who you are, you can be a cop, you could be God, they will get you. I came here to help you. No, you did not. To help you understand. You came here 'cause you think you're gonna be next. You came here to steer me, okay? If you want to help me, and if you don't want to get nailed to a ceiling or run over by a train, you need to break free from your buddies and tell me something I don't know about John wharton. Because I can't read him. Tell me something I don't know. Two years ago, we arrested Edgar rios in juarez. He was an old-school drug lord, ran all their operations. It was a big deal. We're handing him over to the Mexicans when some broad pulls her shit and dumps him. Cartel didn't want him debriefed by our intel people. Problem solved. But they had a bigger problem. They wanted the man who can get the man that nobody can get. John gets a call from the bad guys. They snatched his wife and kid right out of his house on lake lanier. They're holding them in juarez. They make him an offer. "Surrender yourself to the cartel and your family lives." John's family is everything. John was married forever. His son Jacob was his best friend. Love you, dad. They tortured Karen and Jacob to death. There's video. Evil shit. They mailed pieces of them to his home for weeks. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! SoJohn went down there. Alone. Hunting the man who killed his wife. John, we're coming in! He didn't find him. We're here to bring you back home. This isn't going to bring them back. Come on. Let's go home. Johnis obsessed with finding his wife's killer. It's like a cancer in his soul. Caroline, we lost John when they died. Go home. Go home now. I was just trying to help. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. John. Wait up. I didn't know about your family. John, I'm sorry, I... Now you know. They sent me her face. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So this isn't creepy. Someone else get killed? I brought a peace offering. Let me show you something. Your shooters. They're Guatemalan special forces. They came in through juarez with stolen visas. Ice alerted, ran surveillance. But lost them outside of Atlanta. Now, you said you had prints. Yeah. We got one at the rv, and one outside mcneely's cabin. But no ncic hits. See if these match. Pretty please. Ice took them off some beer cans inside their hotel room. Should I have these? No. Then why'd you give them to me? I don't want anything to happen to you. Holy shit. No way. Don't say a word. Mmm-mmm-mmm. What happened to "I'll never date a cop"? Who said anything about a date? Evil harlot. I can't believe you said that. You dirty, dirty girl. So I got a present for you. Check that out. Oh! Dude looks like Mario from donkey Kong. Mmm-hmm. Who's the metrosexual with the... you've got... Prints, records, everything. Did he leave it on your night stand? You don't want to know. Shit. Get in the car. You all right? 'Cause you walking funny. You're just jealous. Is he a big dude? Like, is he big? That's inappropriate. Was it good? Shut up. Shut up. Is he ripped, like a six-pack? Shut up. Just wondering. 'Cause he's, like, a legend. You're good to go. It's a match. Thank you, tish. Okay, I'm going to write out a warrant-affidavit. You put out a bolo, armed and dangerous. That we got slipped some secret squirrel ice file? Once they're in custody, we can get as many print cards as we want. Doesn't matter how we get there, as long as we get there. Do we know where they are? Negative. So we still got no target? We could be drinking beers, throwing dollars at something naked. We're standing by. For what? Apparently, the boss got that investigator lady working for us now. Ain't that right, boss? Is that true? Hey. Grab a vest. That ice file your boyfriend gave you had a credit card. I linked it to a cell phone. That cell phone is live in an apartment building. That apartment building, narco knows about it. It's a rios-garza safe house. Okay, enough energy drinks, partner. While you've been saving mankind, I drafted an affidavit. I sent it to the clerk, judge signed it. Yes, you're right. I need that. Okay. You're right. I'm sorry. I was excited. I got excited about it, but we gotta go kick some doors, baby. Multi-level residential. Four units. Brick and masonry. Fortified with barred windows. Steel security doors. You got an iron fence around three sides. All right, what's the plan, boss? We blue angel up the back. Single point dynamic entry. Explosive breach. We don't know what unit they're in, All right, let's smoke these motherfuckers and get us some dinner then. Two Mikes out. Twoout,copy. We're at the railroad tracks. Here we go, stand by. Rogerthat. We're not here to make arrests, right? Breach! They killed two federal agents already. They're not fucking around! No matter what, we all go home tonight at the end of this mission. You know what you're doing with that thing? I was in the army. It's the wrong way up. It's not the wrong way up. You got to rack it all the way back. Come on. I know how to rack a gun. - Keep your hands up. - Let me see your hands. Stay right there. Stay on the bed, kid. Shitty closet! Clear! Clear! Good! Let's go! Ready to go! Don't stop! - Going left! - Right! Got your back. Got a bathroom! Clear! All clear! Clear. - We're all set, boss! - Keep moving! Stay tight! - One on the couch! - I got left. - Put your hands up! - Going left, boss! Closet, clear! Let me see your hands! Anyone else in here? Coming around. Anyone else in here? Just my kids. Kids in the back! - There are kids. - Door! Stay right where you are! Just keep them up. I got high. Get low! - Don't move. - Clear. Checking for mice. Clear! We're clear! Moving. Just stay on the bed. Stay on the bed. - We're clear! - Keep moving. Stack up! Okay. Ready? Yup. Door. You get him! Go, go, go. Let's roll. Okay, move it! Fuck! We're tight, pop it! Asshole down! We're clear! Fuck! Target down. Move! Move! Move! Clear! Clear! Clear! Sugar, let's go. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa! Calmate! Easy! Easy! - Good kill, baby. - Come on! I got the hostage. Clear! Going right! - Clear! - Clear! - We're clear! - Clear! Good fucking gunfight! God damn! - Hello. - Hey, boss! You might want to get in here! What? Ta-da! You got your kit, babe? - Right, we're secure. - I'm gonna ID these guys. So which asshole are you? Lizzy, don't fucking do that! Liquid meth! Hell yeah! You're one fucked up bitch! Yeah, it's meth. This is one for the books. Breach. It's not them. It's not the kaibiles! What do you mean? You mean we killed six motherfuckers and it ain't them? Well, check again! Okay. No! Still not them! Dead man walking! Fuck me! Fucking shit. Stay tight. Behind you, brother. All right, it's clear. Get ems in here. There's a lot of bodies. What the fuck are you doing here? It's my job. You used me. Breacher, God damn it! What the fuck is going on here? Clean up, aisle three. God almighty! What's wrong? Son of a bitch is snagged! Gimme a knife. I'm gonna cut the son of a bitch. The hell you are. That's a new anchor. Damn, it is heavy, though. Yeah, it is! All right, keep pulling. What the hell? Jesus Christ! Stay back, son! Turn around. Don't look. How'd they die? Looks like a gun fight. Can you give me race and sex? Male hispanics, all three. Why the chicken wire? As their bodies bloat, the wire cuts them, releasing the decomp gas. They never float to the surface. Yeah, great tip. I gotta remember that one. Okay, how long they been dead? A week. You sure? A what? At least a week. If it's the guys that we think... They've been dead more than a week... Wait, are these the... The military guys from the cartel? Yeah. You think this is them? The Guatemalans. I think it's them. He said they've been dead for a week. It can't be the Guatemalans. That's why we need to find these tattoos. The guy at the cabin had a tattoo on his left shoulder. And if we have a match, then they're part of the same gang, right? The killers are the victims? It just can't be that, Caroline. - Tattoo, left shoulder. - Have we got anything? Ah, nice! We got it. Darius, come see this. This is our guy. That's it? Mmm-hmm. Who the hell killed them? Nice. Here we go. What you got? Thumb's missing. Right here. Right. Okay, so that explains how we got thumbprints in Roberts' rv, huh? Looks like we're working late. Look, if they've been dead a week already, right? They sure as hell didn't nail Jordan to that ceiling. Or drive Roberts over the train tracks. The Guatemalans killed tripod mcneely, okay? Then somebody kills them, uses them for cover. Come on, Darius, think about it. Who killed the cartel hit men, sprinkles their DNA over two separate crime scenes, wants us to think they're alive? Who do we like for this? Everybody! We like everybody for this one! John, please! John! TellJohn to come for you! John! Please, John! Tell him come for you! John! Come find me! John! Please! Oh, no! We had a good time, didn't we? I love you, John! Who the fuck is hunting us? Who do you think, breach? It's one of us. It's you! Or it's grinder! Or sugar! Or my dear loving husband! Is it you, bitch? No, I keep track of the people I whack. Neck and pyro ain't on the list. See, I think that she's right! I think she's fucking right. Nailed it. So which fucker is it, huh? Fucking crazy! I mean, why? You know why, breach. It was the fucking money. Amen. 'Cause some of us are getting paid, and the rest of us are just getting dead. Oh, bullshit! Keep your hands where we can see them. This has been fun, but I'm out of here. I see any of your fucking faces and I'll kill you! Ammo's cheap. My life ain't! It's over. Where'd you bury it, grinder? Now we fall apart? We scatter to the wind? Yeah, I like that idea. Honey. Yes, sweetheart? I've been fucking sugar. What the fuck are you doing? That's not what we talked about! Look, man. Look, it is what it is, dude. What do you want me to say? You want me to say I'm sorry? Is it gonna make it any better? You fucker! I'm going to kill you! Monster! No! I thought you were my fucking friend! Boss, I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna fucking kill him! Get the fuck out of here! Why the fuck would you do that shit? Get the fuck out of here! Fucking have a nice life, you fucking cunt! You deserve each other! I warned you. We fucked up. We fucked up, didn't we? What do you want? Can we talk? We stole the money. It was breacher's idea. We thought it would make him happy. It was $10 million in cash. Went back for it that night, but when we got there, it was gone. DEA, they wanted to throw us in a hole and throw away the hole. Crawled up our asses with a microscope for six months. Nobody broke. So who has the money? It's lizzy. Or monster or sugar. I don't know. She's playing one against the other. What do you want to do? Fuck them all. Let them hang. After I lost my family, I asked myself what was I fighting for. The answer was simple. My team. I wanted them to get something out of all of this. But instead, I destroyed them. Agent Phillips is going to the DEA. I'm not telling you it's gonna be okay. Because it's not. Not for you. Hey, John. Hey. I'm sorry. Don't apologize. I would have stepped up if you didn't. You're doing the right thing. I ride this ship down. I ride it down. But you, you could still have a life after this. Doing what, John? Where? This is all I do. And it's over. We can protect you. Get down! Stay down. Tell me again. We were up the block, heard gunfire. We made contact with a female DEA agent. Female DEA agent? She left in a vehicle with a black male. A DEA agent. You heard gunfire! Sir, she badged us. She was legit. She left. Is this the woman you saw? Yeah. That's her. You said "black male"? Yes, sir. A red vehicle. Sugar. That's your guy, too? Clear. What's all this? She's bailing. She'll never make it. Every cop in Georgia's looking for her. She won't get far. Yes, she will. Do you think that he loves you? What do you think the plan is? To just go run off and make babies? Well, you're gonna be needing this. Just give me my shit and quit fucking around. Don't do it! Monster! Fuck you! Oh, fuck. Baby, I'm sorry! Baby. Oh, God. Lay down. I'm sorry, monster. I'm sorry. Oh, Jesus! Jesus! I'm going to kill her. Yeah? Hey. I fuckedup . I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't know what to do. Where are you? Midtown. Are you alone? Yeah, I'm alone. Who would I be with? Can I see you? Meet me inside the parking structure on 4th. Thanks, breach. I'll see you soon. That motherfucker! Parking garage? Mmm. This ain't his first rodeo. Since he wants to be a hero, let's give him somebody to save. Federal agent! Get out of the fucking car! Did you hear me? Open the fucking door! Open the fucking door! Get out of the fucking car! There she is. Get down. He's down! He's down! Who the fuck is that in the car? Shit! It's that bitch! Go, go, go! Hold your ass, sweetie! Here we go! Jesus Christ! Take the vest! Put it on the dash and stay down! Fuck me! Lizzy, handle that motherfucker! Oh, fuck! Oh, baby, I fucked that bitch up! Jesus Christ! Fuck! Get the fuck out of the way! We lost them, sug! Oh, shit. We're gonna make it, baby. We're gonna make it! Fuck, he's still coming! Let's give him a 180! Shit! Turn around! Turn around! I can't make it! Baby, kill that motherfucker! Fuck! Shoot the fucking engine! Fucking die! Now, get us the fuck out of here! Fuck! I got no eyes! I can't see shit! Drop the weapon, lizzy! Okay. Okay. Hey, breach. You killed my team. Why, lizzy? Why? Because they stole my money! Huh! They fucking robbed me! After everything I put up with! It was my money and they took it, and I couldn't find it! I said, "fuck them." I took the money. I took it. You took the money? What does that mean? Why? Mexico. This is about fucking Mexico? Your family is never coming home! What is she talking about? And nothing you do will ever change that! You hear me? What the fuck was that? Just be a good girl and walk away. Hey! Hey! What the fuck... I can't. Pull it together. You okay? Yeah. Okay, you hurt? Anything? No, I'm okay. All right, just take it easy. Where's breacher? He's right there. Back to the basics, Schmidt. Okay, there's only seven types of stories. - Please, don't list them. - NICK: I'm gonna list them. Man vs. Man, Man vs. Dog, Dog vs. Zombie, James bond, stories of kings and lords, women over 50 finding themselves after divorce, and car commercial. My favorite is, uh, that Toyota, Uh... Ev-every... the family's in the car... You're thinking of the food commercial. Really? Fat boy talks to idiot. Okay, eight, fat boy talks to idiot. We're getting nowhere. Winston, I need some of that toast magic. What do you got? I'm sorry, but I'm done speaking from the heart. I... Basically ruined my love life today. - Here's my advice to you. - Okay. Keep your guard up. - Don't be too vulnerable around her. - What? Be standoff-ish, close yourself. When she looks at you, cross your arms. - Turn your back on her. - Whoa, whoa. For wedding vows, that's terrible advice. Yeah... I get it, But you don't really, like, know how she feels. Did I do it? [Laughs] Did he do it? [Laughs] [All laughing] Okay... - All right. - You're welcome. [Laughing] [all laughing] That was terrible, Winston! Slow down, take a breath, Why don't we just talk about it and figure out what you want? No, that's what I always do. I talk and I talk. Not this time. I'm gonna, I'm gonna... Push through the panic And I'm gonna... Say yes. [Gasps] Really? I'm gonna go get proposed to. Okay, look, well, if you start freaking out and you need anything, just holler, okay? I will not need anything from you! If you get chilly, here's a blanket that I knitted you. It took me all year. [deep breath] Sam? You left your jacket in my room. Oh, thanks. So, uh, we finally, get a... Moment alone here. Yes. One moment. One momentous moment. I, uh... Know the timing of this is... Really crazy... [Sighs] and, uh... Jess... God, I'm so nervous. Um. Jess, would you... - True American! - What? Um, hey, guys, everybody out here! We're playing true American! Cece, I'm hollering! I'm hollering! SCHMIDT: We can't play true American. WINSTON: It's so late already. No, we can't play... There's no time. [whispering]: Help me. We're gonna play true American because I want to. I'm using my bride card! The bride has spoken. Tonight we celebrate the brides! It's True America First ladies edition! We can't play true American. - We have to, it's for Cece. - Fine. We play fast, sober, then back to work. - Who the hell have I become? ! - Let's do it. Okay! The kitchen is Michelle's garden, the bathroom is Mary Todd Lincoln's sanitarium, and as always... The floor is lava! Let's go! One, two, three, four! - Jackie O! - ALL: Eleanor! John cheated, so I'm redecorating the white house! Everybody drink! - Even John John? - Yes! - Lava! - All right, all right. I thought this was Nancy Reagan's gun closet. Lava! Just someone explain to me the rules. Camelot, Bay of Pigs. You got to redecorate! Redecorate! Redecorate! No, redecorate! Hey, Jess, can I just talk to you real quick? - Lesbian road trip. Bye, FDR! - ALL: FDR! All: Drink, drink, drink, drink! All: Drink, drink! Rushmore! Hillary headband hot potato! ALL: Congress has her healthcare bill! Nice and easy. - Oh! Oh! - Terrible toss! All: Drink, drink! Drink, drink! I know we're guests In this house, but it's awfully loud. Mom! We're trying to play a game, god! Jenna goes to a Yale party! - No, no... - Skull and Bones! - He's had enough, no more. - Skull and Bones! - No more, no more. - ALL: Skull and Bones! - ALL: Drink, drink! - Hey... Oh. Seneca Falls Convention! Women only! That means you, Cece. Sorry. Sam was reaching for the ring and I freaked out. How do you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone? You just know. I don't know. I can't put it into words. Try! There are a lot of words out there, just pick some of them. Everything inside of me just said, "yes." I just looked at him. You know, I just had this feeling that I was home. That is very beautiful... And very, very vague and not helpful at all. I do know you can't avoid Sam all night. - COACH: Guess who's back? - ALL: Coach! [Laughing]: It's me. - Coach! - Yeah. I thought you got in tomorrow. I got on a plane, Dropped may off at the hotel And now I'm ready to party! I had six wines on the plane! - I call Coach on my team! - BOTH: Coach on our team! There's only one way to solve this. Go behind the iron curtain. You guys ready? One, two, three. SAM: We got the same number! That probably means something, right? No, no, no, no, no. ALL: Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! [Sighs and whistles] [clears throat] I feel like... Like you've been avoiding me. WINSTON: Good to have you back, Coach! What are you doing? Here I am. - Oh, I'm gonna throw up! - COACH: Where y'all going? I'm gonna throw up! Hi. - You gonna barf? - [heaves] I muffed us! [Sighs] I muffed us straight to the moon! I can never write my vows right now, I can barely even spell my own name. "S", jeans... Is that right? Is "jeans" not a letter? It feels like a letter to me. Schmidt, this is... I-I know it's something, is it not a letter? This is all my fault. I'm supposed to be your best man. I screwed you, Schmidt. I screwed you! [Sighs] I was just trying to make Cece happy. It's all I want. It's all I ever want to do is just to make her happy. Wait a second, say that again. I screwed you. Why would you go to that? No, about making her happy. All I want to do is make Cece happy? [snaps fingers] There it is. There's your big idea. There's my big idea. Yeah. To make her happy. BOTH: That's it, that's it. There's my big idea! All I want to do is make Cece happy! There it is! "Jeans" isn't a letter! [Laughs] Jeans is pants! [Laughing]: Yeah. Okay, Winnie, you said, "bride," to a girl you've been dating for a month? I think it's sweet, shut up, Cece. - Shut up! - You shut up! I miss you so much. Oh, my god, I missed you. Like, for real, missed you. It's crazy being in New York 'cause I'm like, "Where's Cece?" - Right? ! - Like I was saying, I don't know why I said it, it just came out, And I went from the happiest to the saddest person I've ever been in 15 seconds. I just need to be cooler around her. Coach, this is where you come into play. I need your help, man. I'm tired of being a sweetie pie. No more talking. - WINSTON: This part of the game, Coach? - Heavy. - Why are we out here? - This is nice. Oh! - Dude. - Hey, man. How are you gonna ask me to help you play games with Aly, man? You don't want that. Be who you are. Now, the only way to find out why she left, Is to go over there and ask her. Now. - Yeah, but... - Just do it! I don't yell in New York because everyone yells there And it's less meaningful, but I will yell here. Now push the button. God. You really don't yell in New York? Dude, I'm always in a museum. - Oh, my goodness. - I'm always in a museum. So that's basically how you play true American. - Yeah, it makes no sense whatsoever. - Oh. Look, I'm just gonna get this over with. Um... - Jess, I want to break up... - I can't marry you. With you. Oh. What? So... I really can't marry you. No, I get it. You're in love with Diane. She's beautiful, she's your best friend, you're both doctors. This morning, I... I went to drop her off at the airport, and I just... I just couldn't let her go, and it made me realize that I... I just... I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and, you know, uh, it's hard to express the feelings in words. Really? ! Really? Why can no one put this into words? I'm-i'm so sorry about the timing. I just... I didn't want you to have to cut my photo out of all the, you know, wedding pictures. And then with Winston's toast, with the... All the talk about honor and integrity and the gig economy, I just... Can we just wait to tell people? I... I don't want to make it about me before the wedding. Of course. Thanks. Hey, I hope... I hope Diane really likes the ring. What ring? The ring in your jacket pocket. I don't have a ring in my jacket pocket. I have a ring in my jacket pocket. - Yeah. - This isn't mine. "To Susan. Love Louise." Oh, my god, it's engraved? How did I miss this? And the font is huge. So Schmidt's mom and her girlfriend are getting married. They're what? Ma? Are you proposing to your friend Susan? Ma? ! Oh, Winston, now's really not a good time. I know saying the word "bride" to you was a little crazy, But let me just explain myself, okay? What I meant to say is that you're beautiful. Every day with you is so much better. Your brain is banging. The skin-bag it comes in ain't too bad either. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know what, except that I'm not sorry, okay? Because this is who I am. No, Winston, I have food poisoning. Yeah, I don't know who let Nick's mute park friend cook dinner for 20, but I want to find and throw up on them. That's why you left. Why didn't you just tell me? Because I don't like being vulnerable. It was stupid of me. I'm sorry. I... I... I love you, you maniac. You love... You love me? I love you. I love you, too. Wow, that feels so good to say. - I love you. - I love you. - I love you. - I love you. I... Love... You. [groans] How is there anything left? [Groaning] - You okay? - [Retching] JESS: So sorry for ruining your engagement. I'm sure you didn't plan a joint celebration with a man wearing a beer can crown and pillows on his shoes. Jealous 'cause I'm the true American. We're sorry we left the ring in your room. That's what we get for fooling around in your bed. SUSAN: Something about those high ceilings. We just like tossing each other around. - JESS: Hello! Hey, quick show of hands, - god. Who's had sex in Winston's room? - Well, I've had sex in your room. - I know. What? ! Everyone's had sex in my room? I got weird in there. I've gotten weirder in there than you have. Really? Those pillows. There's just, Like, extra, like... Pressure. SCHMIDT: If you don't mind, I'd like to say A few words about my mom and my mom's... - My mom's friend Susan. - My mom's friend Susan. God, you guys, let me talk. Look, Susan, I know I never fully accepted you. I just... I didn't know how long you were gonna be around. And, also, you used to call my mom the Big Ragoo and me the Little Ragoo, and I couldn't make any sense of it. But... You're a part of our family now. To my mom... And my mom. - Yeah! - Cheers! Cheers. - Cheers. Yeah, cheers. - Cheers. - Opa. - Yeah! - Aw. - Mwah. Mmm. Cece? [Sighs] Babe, what's wrong? It's just that you're gonna have two moms at the wedding, and I'm not even gonna have one. I really thought that... I really thought that She would just show up last-minute 'cause she would know how happy it would make me. [Sniffles] I don't know why I'm crying in here. Jess' room is meant for sex. - I know. Come here. - [Sniffles] So, Just-just hit lobby and let technology do its thing. Yeah, cool. When-when I get in there, I'll just hit lobby. Cool. Just out of curiosity, Jess, why couldn't you marry me? Oh, I don't know. Come on, Jess. You know. No, I don't. Yes, you do. I mean, I know. You do? Then what is it? You know. No, I-I don't know. What-what is it? It's Nick. ♪ ♪ Things could be stranger ♪ ♪ But I don't know how ♪ ♪ I'm going through changes now ♪ ♪ I could spend a lifetime trying to figure it out ♪ ♪ I'm going through changes now ♪ ♪ That have just begun ♪ ♪ Under a purple sun ♪ ♪ There's many reasons we are what we've become ♪ ♪ I'm going through changes ♪ ♪ Ripping out pages ♪ ♪ I'm going through ♪ ♪ Changes now. ♪ Settsu Mine, Hyogo Settsu Mine, Hyogo 1878 (Meiji Era 11) Are you sure he's here? We've been watching for two months. There's no mistake. Let's end this here. Be very careful. Over here! Who are you? Halt! Do you believe in Hell? Surely, a world being baptized in blood... should be called Hell. Are you Makoto Shishio? What if I am? You know damn well! Don't move from there. I love that sound! Bastard! How do you think I knew you were coming? ... Saito Hajime of the Shogun's Shinsengumi police. A traitor... We both remember the Bakumatsu period. Are you content with what this world has become? Take off that new-government uniform, and come join us. We will turn the clock back to those days of upheaval. I take orders from no one. No? Very well. Shishio! Man is born into killing. This world itself is hell. Shishio! RUROUNI KENSHIN: KYOTO INFERNO Kyoto is in chaos! What do the Shogun's police think they're doing? Indeed! At least they shouldn't be adding to the trouble! Onward. Who's that? Here he comes! Who are you? That scar! My name is not one worth stating. I walk the streets of Kyoto, dreaming of a new age when the Emperor reigns supreme. Bakkyusai the Slasher. I am he! What nerve! We will cut you down! Have at him! Why is Battosai the villain? Not "Battosai." He is "Bakkyusai." Bakkyusai? Hang in there! Asakusa, Tokyo You're an old legend now, "Battosai the Slasher." "Kasshin (Invigorate the Heart)" Yahiko, step in! Hit him first! Watch him! Harder! Shout out! We have returned. We're back! Hello. Sensei! Why won't you teach us? You are why we're here! Please! You're mistaken. I am merely a guest here. I am no Kenjutsu master. But... The way of the sword has changed. The motto of this dojo is Kamiya Kasshin (invigorate the heart). In this new era, that is what the sword must teach you. If it's a fight you want, then Sanosuke Sagara is your man! I don't charge much. Well? What do you say? You want to fight, right? Kenshin, why not show them some stuff? In these days of peace, there is no need for my Hiten Mitsurugi style. Kenshin! Miss Megumi! How's the clinic? Business good? Doctors don't talk about "good business," you oaf! I'll get dinner ready. Wait. You have visitors. Are you Mr. Himura? What would you like? I'm Superintendent Kawaji. Someone wishes to talk with you. Would you come with me? Hey! We're just getting ready for dinner here. Who sent you to come waltzing in here like this? The Home Minister, Toshimichi Okubo. Who's that? The top man in the government, that's who. Don't go Kenshin. It'll just be trouble. Hey... If he goes, I come with him. I don't trust you guys in the new government. Fine. You can come too. I won't be long. "Home Ministry" Excuse me sir. It's been a long time, Mr. Okubo. Himura, at last we meet again. You know him? I'll come straight to the point. What is it? Shishio is active in Kyoto. Shishio? Who's this Shishio? Battosai the Slasher's successor. What? He was another assassin who kept a very low profile. When you laid down your sword at the Battle of Toba-Fushimi, he was fighting there, too. He was one of our assassins. In speed, skills, and quick thinking, he was a match for you. However, unlike you, he cared nothing for the weak, or for those with him. Victory! It's the Emperor's banner! We've won! Ruthless ambition. A wish to rule for which he will trample over anyone. That's Shishio. I've won! Well done! We won! Thanks to you! You did it! Well done! You bastards! Bastards! You bastards! Shishio's assassinations were so brutal they would have brought discredit on the new government. There was no alternative but to kill him. You put down your sword; his body was burned. He should have died, but...then it snowed. He's alive? He disappeared into the Kyoto underworld. He's taken in a bunch of bloodthirsty mercenaries and formed his own private army. He has one aim in mind, to overthrow the new government. Wait a minute! This is your government's fault. Why drag Kenshin into this? He's destroyed every force we've sent against him! The only one we can turn to... is you. Mr. Okubo, you look worn out. Building the new age... is much harder work than destroying the old one. I don't expect an immediate answer to a request like this. A week. I'll give you a week to think about it. A week from today, on May 14th... I hope you'll say yes. That's crazy! They want Kenshin to assassinate him? It wasn't my idea! It's all their mess. And since they can't stop him they want Kenshin to do it! Not only that. You will, of course, be well-rewarded. And there are certain illegalities we are prepared to overlook. For instance... for manufacturing opium, your friend Megumi Takani can serve jail time. That's bullshit! If that's how they plan on convincing him, I'll face the consequences and be executed for my crimes. Tell me about it! Kenshin, I won't let you go to Kyoto. Kioicho, Tokyo Kioicho, Tokyo May 14 Without Himura, the nation is lost. How do you do? What the... I have a message from Mr. Shishio. "If you're thinking of sending Battosai Himura against me, "don't waste your time. "This land will be mine." There! Now it's clean. Is this the time for laundry? Tell them to take that job and shove it. You must really hate the Meiji government to talk like that. I hate people like that. Kenshin? I'm going to Mr. Okubo's now. Yahiko, will you hang these out? I should come too. No, it might get complicated. It's best if I go alone. He's chosen life as a wanderer who never kills. He won't leave you and go to Kyoto. Here he comes. Let's go. Ichiro Shimada, samurai! Tsurahide Cho, samurai! Villains! Someone got here before us! Okubo! Mr. Okubo... There were men planning to assassinate him. We used that to our advantage. Was he one of Shishio's men? This is the way Shishio does things! He wreaks havoc using what he learns from spies he has everywhere. You never see his hand! He'll whittle away at us until the day he rises up. Come with me. Who are they? Officers Shishio killed. He's taunting us. He sent them last night, as if to coincide with today. I will repeat Mr. Okubo's request. You are our only hope. Japan is about to lose its way. Shishio will seize his chance. It's war. See you in Kyoto. Extra! Extra! Lord Okubo assassinated! The Home Minister's been assassinated! "Assassins Kill Home Minister Okubo!" You're back. It was Shishio who assassinated him. I cannot let him continue like this. I have to go to Kyoto. Shishio... Will you kill him? Kaoru, when you found out... that I was Battosai the Slasher, you let me stay at your dojo. That made me... very happy. But to those who hate the likes of Shishio or Battosai, Battosai is who I remain. But why? Why do you have to go, Kenshin? What do you care if he hates the government? Stay here. Eat with us, practice with us, laugh with us. When I swore off killing, Shishio took my place. It is my job to stop him. If you go, you might fall back into killing again. No one can throw away his past. Thank you and...goodbye. A wanderer, I am once again. That son of a bitch! Damn him! I'll help. He took off alone and left me! He doesn't want anyone in his way. What? Who'd be in whose way? Don't start yelling at us! ... That's not what I meant. Kaoru! Why are you acting like nothing's wrong? Kaoru! Of course she's upset, stupid! You too, Yahiko! Smarten up! You shut up! Damn it! Hey! Come back here! This is bullshit! Damn him! Damn it! What do you want? Battosai Himura. Word is there's someone like him around here. There's no Battosai here. Now out of my way. Perfect! You looking for trouble? You found it. Where is Battosai? Take me on and I'll tell you. Sanosuke! Sanosuke... Tell me before you pass out. Let me think... Stop it! Where is Battosai? Tell me! I'm just a passing doctor. I don't know. Odawara, on the Tokaido Highway He's got a sword! They were banned years ago! Battosai has passed Odawara. He'll come through the village. Probably. Let's arrange a welcome. Could I have my sword back? How? It's of no use to anyone but me. Yeah, sure! If you're still keeping it now that swords are illegal, that means it's valuable. Hold it! Give me that! But it's my sword! Give it to me, I said! Wait! Please tell me why you want it. Excuse me. This sword is a reversed-edge. Only the back of the blade is sharp. So the front won't cut? My scabbard? I thank you. Who are you, anyway? I am a mere wanderer. Why is a girl stealing swords? To pay for a journey. That is no reason to steal. Keep your advice! Who's there? Help! Help! Help my brother! Brother! Brother! Save our village. What happened? I'm a constable. I lost contact with my home village. I went to see what was wrong. Shishio found out who I was. Eiji. Brother! Take care of him, will you? Here's water. Brother! Brother! Brother! Brother! This way. Dad! Mom! Dad! Mom! Animals! Those animals! You killed my mom and dad! I'll kill you! Who are you? You want to die, too? Are you Shishio's men? What if we are? Why did you kill those two? Their son was going to tell the world about this village. And the penalty...is death. And this is a warning to others? Watch the boy. Kill him! Let's bury them. Wait! Leave them. If we cut them down, we will anger Mr. Shishio. We'll be helpless before him. How can you do this? They're your fellow villagers! They should never have gone against Mr. Shishio! No! Don't do it! Mom! Dad! Dad! So this is the world that Shishio wants... Very well done! Taking all these men by yourself. So the stories are true, Battosai Himura. Himura? "Battosai?" Mr. Shishio calls. Mr. Shishio! Please! This sword deserves its reputation. It cuts. Your visitor is here. Are you Shishio Makoto? At least say "mister," even if you were unsure. Why did you attack the village? Your target is the whole country, not a few small villages. The hot spring here is good for my skin. Without bandages, I would frighten the guests. So to spare them that, I made the village mine. Damn you. Don't be mad. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. Is this revenge for what the government did? I don't care about revenge now. Far from it - I'm grateful. My wounds have taught me my life's important lessons. If I trust, I'll be betrayed. Drop my guard, and I'll be killed. To protect my life, I must kill. The strong survive, and the weak die. It's reality, plain and simple. I'll make the country strong again. That is the justice I will bring. Soon the whole land... It's not you who sheds blood for your justice. Draw your sword, Shishio Makoto. I won't allow any more bloodshed... for this thing you call justice. Sojiro, play with him for me. May I? In that case, I don't mind if I do. What's that sword? I'm disappointed. I'll see you in Kyoto. Come back as the real Slasher. You're running away? That's not nice. Stick around and let's play. Mr. Shishio says we can. What's so funny? Nothing's funny. Nothing. It's a battle of technique. They're both equally fast. What will decide the outcome is that one is happy to kill and one is not. Look what you did to this sword! Have a new sword ready for the next time we meet. Now's your chance! Take revenge for your mother and father! No! Stop it! Kill them! You will please no one by soiling those little hands. The dead only wish...that the living be happy. In time, those little hands will grow big and you will be a man. Don't use your strength to oppress, like Shishio and his followers. And do not let fear make you helpless, like these people of the village. Be a man who guards his family to the last, like your brother. Look what he did to a Kotetsu Nagasone sword. I underestimated him. "Kotetsu Nagasone?" A swordsman like you doesn't know him? Most people would give up everything to have a sword he made. That's good. Very good. Yes! Excellent! Welcome back, sir! Have you done what I wanted? We have all the weapons you asked for. Sojiro. I want you to do something for me. As long as it's not replacing that sword. Summon the Juppongatana (Ten Swords). What? You mean, at last? When they arrive, we go to war. I can't stand this. Stand what? Get down to Kyoto. Stop pretending. I'm not pretending. It is my opinion as a doctor that while everyone might think Kenshin is invulnerable, I think he is a gifted athlete, but otherwise he's no different from us. Where one wound might heal easily, multiple wounds add up. And Kenshin's battle has only just begun. There's more than guns or swords that could kill him. You'll regret it if you wait. I'm going. He'll face more than just Shishio. But you're still hurt! Quiet! I'll heal up on the road. I'll get stronger. Wait! Then take this. An elixir. An old family recipe. Take it once a day. And this. It's ointment. Give Kenshin some, too. Thanks. But, you bring it. It's not my job to heal his wounds. Right! Right! I'm on my way! Kyoto Found you! I thought I lost you! Have you got a place to stay? I know a good, cheap inn. -No, thank you. -Wait, wait, wait! I'm Misao Makimachi. I'm not a villain. Trust me. Come on! There it is! But... I'm back! Hey! A guest! Welcome! Grandfather? I'm back! Misao! Come here! I'll take your things. Don't be shy. But... He helped me out. Let him stay, all right? We can charge him up front! Just kidding! Hello. You're welcome here, Battosai Himura. Yes. The one Aoshi's looking for. The same Himura Battosai. Please... You've had a long journey. Thank you. It's been ten years since you were in Kyoto, Himura Battosai. I've always thought... some day we would meet. I never thought it would be here, like this. You are? I am a ninja, an Oniwaban, who was stationed with the Kyoto Police. Miss Misao too? Yes. The Shogunate assigned me to gather information... in the guise of an innkeeper, as you see me now. When you helped bring down the Shogunate, this then became my living. But, for some of the Shogun's servants... the transition was not so easy. Bakumatsu: One of the Oniwabanshu stationed outside Edo Castle was Aoshi Shinomori. You may remember the two sides agreed that Edo Castle would be surrendered, and there would be no bloodshed in Edo itself. Had that not happened, you would probably have encountered him. You were the two champions of each side. However, the Oniwabanshu weren't given an opportunity to fight. They made sure of that. What have we done to deserve this? Intruder! Even though the new government had offered him a post, Aoshi still tried to save his men from death at the Shogunate's hands. Captain! So the victors write the history? While we are flung into the dark? Ryujo! Shoot them! Captain! Long live- Long live the Oniwabanshu! Long...may our name live. With no companions to preserve, or Shogunate to hate, all of Aoshi's anger and despair turned on Himura Battosai, the greatest fighter of the age. Aoshi aims to kill you. And, before the graves of his dead comrades, proclaim himself, the mightiest of all. Does Miss Misao know? Misao doesn't know the demon he's become. She still longs for him. I understand. However, I have come to Kyoto... to put an end to Shishio Makoto. I see. After ten years, Battosai comes back to Kyoto. I knew there had to be a reason. The Oniwabanshu network of informants remains in place. If you have need of us, please do not hesitate to ask. I'll take you up on your offer. Yes? Could you find someone for me? The father of this sword, Shakku Arai. Let's find him right away. Excuse us. Another guest. Make yourself at home. You're here? Everyone knows who you are. Takano, Kyoto Police. These are Shishio's villages. The government has abandoned about a dozen. They're under Shishio's control. Where's the army? They could fix this! I'm afraid... we cannot afford to show weakness in the face of the Western powers. They're just all afraid that they'll end up like Okubo. Then what do we do? The way we're going, we play right into Shishio's hands. That's exactly the reason why we're all here now. Permission to enter! You're here early. I live close, in Osaka. Take it easy here till the others arrive. Yumi... So? Where's Battosai now? Kyoto, we think. Probably looking for a sword to replace the one Sojiro broke. Battosai's sword would have come from the best swordsmith. That means Shakku Arai. You can always depend on Cho to know those things. Battosai's a bit of a fool, isn't he? Trying to get a dead man to make him a sword. Shakku... "Shakku Arai, d. 1870" Hey, Himura! So you're going? Without killing anymore, I will try to preserve... those who seek to bring about a new era. Well, if you find a way, I sure hope you'll tell me. A farewell gift. Try being a swordsman wearing one of those. Then you'll know what you're saying is nonsense. The blade's on the back? If your head's still full of that nonsense when it breaks, come back to Kyoto and find me again. Seiku! Someone's here. Coming. Can I help you? Mr. Seiku Arai? Yes. I owe your father a great debt of gratitude. Learning he has passed away, I have come with a request. Could you please make me a sword? My father would often say... how his swords would create a new era. But the truth is that those swords took many lives. You can say it was the times, and that it had to be that way... but this is the Meiji era. Killing to change the world... This era no longer requires those weapons or that logic. Now I make kitchen knives and other household items. I'm sorry, but I will never make another sword. Very well. I'm sorry to bother you. Wow! So this is Kyoto! Hey! Stop staring! That hurt! Save that for when you grow up. I'm just looking! We're here to find Kenshin, so get looking for him. Yeah, I know. Windmills for sale! Windmills! Come and get one! Look! Windmills! Windmills for sale! Hey! What are you doing? What's wrong? I'm just playing with him. What's the problem? He's got Iori! Who would you be? Do you wish something of me? You must be Shakku Arai's son, Seiku. Rumor has it... that you've still got the last sword your dad made. No one's ever used it, right? Can I see it? What's wrong? Mr. Himura! The police! Get the police! Our baby! Our baby! Calm down! Come on now! Don't cry! I'll shut you up soon enough. Who are you? Give back the child. A cross-shaped scar on your left cheek... You're the famous Slasher, Himura Battosai. I hear your sword broke. So you came for the last sword of Shakku too, huh? What are you talking about? You mean you don't care if I step in here? Then get lost. Give back the child. Why? If I get his last sword but I can't try it out, where's the fun in that? There's a fight going on! Fight! Call the police! Aw, just leave them. What's going on? Some ex-samurais are fighting over in that shrine. You'd better keep away! Come on! Draw your damn sword! You're good, I'll give you that. But this prize is going to cost you! Iori! Stay back! Are we done? You're going to risk your life just to save one kid? What's with that look? You're pissing me off! I've killed many... to bring about a new era. Are you bragging? Be my guest. Go ahead and cling to the glories of the past. What a loser! Ten years of struggle and blood brought us to this new era. Now, in a happy home that knows nothing of war, we begin to see a time of peace in which to raise its children. Think what you will, but that child is the blessing of the new era. If it costs me my life, I will take him back. A real hero of justice, huh? My father's last killing swords! Wait, Iori! Just a little bit longer! I'll take the chance! If anyone can put that sword to good use, it's him! Father! Watch over us! Damn you! Kenshin! That hurt! Who's that? Where's his sword? Mr. Himura! Take this! It's my father's last sword! Use it! So there was one! That sword will be mine! Draw. We'll have a real fight. Let's see who wins. Well? Aren't you Battosai the Slasher? My sword's out. Where's yours? Oh well! I guess you've forgotten that slashing people is exciting. Perhaps you just need an example. Allow me to demonstrate! Iori! Iori! Wait there. I'll cut you into pieces. No killing! You know, you're really good. Iori! Iori! Iori! Kenshin... Kenshin? He's not dead. Kaoru! He didn't kill him! That's a reversed-edge! I'm glad! Iori! Iori! Iori! He's fine! On your feet! Get him up! Bring him! Walk! Kenshin! Are you okay? Is that a new reversed-edge? Hey... Hey, Kenshin... Kenshin... Seiku, what's this? The true reversed-edge. "True?" The sword he made for the gods, out of remorse, mixed with a tiny bit of hope. When you dedicate a sword to the gods, you forge two. The better one is "true." You give that to the gods. The other one is the "shadow." You let someone else have that. So... Yes. The one he gave you was the shadow. Have that sword. Father would have wanted that. "Reluctantly, for years, I have forged swords. "Not for the world of my son, but to bring peace for his child." Kenshin, I'm coming in. Did you rest? Yeah. Right, Kaoru? Are you angry? About me following you to Kyoto? Half. The other half relieved. Shishio's men are everywhere. Be very careful. See? I told you. When a woman follows a man, he acts like she's a pest, but he's still happy about it. You be quiet. You don't know what you're talking about. Shakku, I'm just like you. My head's still full of nonsense. Thanks for coming here! I welcome my elite force! Hoji! Take charge. Tomorrow night, at 11:59, we make Kyoto an inferno! You hear that, comrades? The time has come at last! Those lazy fools will feel our power to the fullest! He's one of Shishio's Juppongatana, Cho, the Sword Hunter. Am I right? So what's the big deal? What is Shishio planning? Tell us and it'll go easier on you. It's time to stop being loyal to Shishio. What are you talking about? I'm not loyal to Shishio. He was just a way to get where I wanted. The guy you fought talked. Shishio will set fire to Kyoto. That's been planned before. During the Bakumatsu period, when we raided the Ikedaya Inn in Kyoto, we were in time to stop them. And Shishio wants to try the same thing again? Probably to prove that this government can't stop them now. But why would Cho just tell you something that important? They're a bunch of thugs. There's always one who'll talk. It's set for tomorrow at one minute to midnight. Shishio is plotting something for the night of the waning moon. We must be prepared. Kyoto, a sea of fire? If we allow it, many will die. We have many links here in Kyoto. He won't get away with it. Misao, send the carrier pigeons. Notify all of Kyoto. Yes. Kurojo, Shirojo, Masugami, Omime. Ready your ninja uniforms for duty. We'll show them what the Oniwabanshu can do! The north side! Stay in your homes! Martial Law is declared for all of Kyoto! Kenshin! We'll fight, too. But... I made up my mind before I came. I'll see this through to the end. Me, too. You can see what I've learned. Let's go. Don't try too much. Shiro, stay with them. This is a fight to the death. A kendo instructor won't be of much help in this fight. If you want to fight, come with us. Let's go. They have come. Take your positions. Sojiro. Yes? Remember my souvenir. Yes. Set them off. Yes, sir. Everybody, be on your guard. Riflemen, forward! As police officers, it is your duty to stop them in their tracks. Alright! Burn the place! Fire! Police! Kill! Fire! Men! Charge! You're getting better. I am Yahiko Myojin, samurai of Tokyo! Bring the fire! We know what you're up to! Thanks for coming out this late at night! Street-fightin' Sanosuke's in town! He's back. Go on ahead. Where is Battosai? I've heard... that a man with a crossed scar is being kept here. Misao's been looking for you. Do you have any idea how much she misses you? Misao still believes... that you are the same Aoshi she once knew. That is of no concern. He is a valued guest here at the Aoiya. Hiding in plain sight, is he? Open your eyes, Aoshi. What you need is not battle. Calm your heart. The Bakumatsu period lives! You have abandoned your honor as an Oniwaban... to tread the path of blood and carnage. I will exterminate you! Burn! No! No! Don't kill! Don't kill. Are you okay? Fire! Put it out! We'll take over here. Please. Hold still. Shishio! They're decoys. Kenshin! Where are you? Wait for me Kenshin! Give me a fight, damn it! Misao! What? It's Okina and Aoshi! Aoshi has come back? Where is Battosai? That again? Aoshi! Aoshi! Stay back! Aoshi... Is that how low... you've sunk? I am not the Aoshi Shinomori you once knew. Hey! You thugs...get outta here! Sano... Why...? "Why?" I came because I can help you out, stupid! Thank you. Alright then. Victory! Who are they? Get them all! Himura! You again? Something's wrong here. Yes. Where is Shishio and his Juppongatana? Why are you two looking so down? This has been all too easy. If they meant to burn Kyoto, Shishio would be here to see it himself. Are you Miss Kaoru Kamiya? Who are you? Wait, you mean Shishio's got something else up his sleeve? Bakumatsu: At the Battle of Toba-Fushimi, when the Shogun and the Emperor battled for the right to rule Toba-Fushimi, Shogun Tokugawa Yoshinobu abandoned his forces at Osaka Castle and fled by ship to Edo. If that didn't happen the new government never would have won. History changed course. If Shishio is able to rewrite history, he will terrify the new government. By spitting in their eye? Burning Kyoto is a first step. If Shishio wants to retrace history... Just maybe... I'm going to bombard Tokyo... and destroy the country! His real aim is Tokyo! Kenshin! Miss Kaoru! Where are you? Where are you? Where are you, Battosai? Where? Where? Battosai! Who are you! ? Stop! Well done, senpai! You've realised that the Kyoto fire was all just a distraction. Where is Miss Kaoru? What? You mean that the only reason you're here is for a woman? Leave her out of this! Whatever. You're on, Miss Kaoru! Miss Kaoru! Come on, Yumi! Untie the poor girl. Have no fear! I will - Stop talking like a damn worthless samurai! Let me see the slasher instinct that you're well-known for. It's me you want, let her go. This is the perfect chance... to see once and for all... who is the best. I'll burn her! Burn her- No! It hurts when you burn. So much, that you want to die. No. That's it, senpai! That is the rage I want to see! You want to kill me, right? Try it. Shut up. No! Don't let him tempt you! Curse yourself, curse the gods. Curse Buddha, hate the times, and everything. No! Looking good, senpai. Stay alive! Watch, Battosai! Is that all you got? Can't the Legend do better than this? What? The Legend just wants to play love-suicides? "Tsukino" Usagi. You are gonna be late. Ahhhh! Mom, why didn't you... Why didn't you wake me up earlier? Ouch! Are you all right? I'm not all right. Ouch. I am off. Bye. - Careful on the road. - Yes. Usagi... I just hope you can learn from Sailor V. "Good Job, Sailor V!" Late... Moon Pride I want to support you The tears roll down my cheek Eyes burning scarlet Someone is shouting love out loud Like a flash of lightning No matter how dark it is I know I'm not alone Moonlight shines upon us We all have unshakable wills We will fight on our own Without leaving our destiny to the prince Shiny Make up We are gonna shine bright Under the starry sky We are not helpless girls Who need men's protection So... Shiny Make up We are gonna fight With power from the starry sky A new legend begins right now Right here La La Pretty Guardian SAILOR MOON Act.1 USAGI - SAILOR MOON - Why does morning come every day? I'm so sleepy... My name is Usagi Tsukino, I'm in the 8th grade, 14 years old. I know I'm little clumsy, and a crybaby sometimes. Wow! Ouch! Huh? Did I just step on something? Really? A cat? I'm so sorry! Black cat, huh? How cute! Sorry about that! Oh, my God! You don't have to scratch me! Huh? Why do you have band-aids on? Do you want me to remove them? All right. Oh, no, I have to go! Come out... Our great Evil who serves the master... Go ahead. Get me the "Legendary Silver Crystal". Usagi Tsukino-san! Are you late again? Stand outside in the hallway! Yes, miss... I can't believe... she made an innocent girl like me stand outside. The princess in my dream was so beautiful. I wish I was a princess too. Then I wouldn't have to go to school anymore. I'm hungry... Well, I skipped breakfast today so... Let's eat! Oops! Tsukino-san! What are you doing? I... I was just... That's why you get scores like this! She is our English teacher. Haruna Sakurada-sensei. I hate English... Usagi! You are unbelievable! No other girl would eat lunch before lunch break. I couldn't resist it... This is my best friend, Naru-chan. How was your exam, Usagi-san? I didn't prepare much this time, but... He is Umino, a nerd. Very annoying guy... Exams are just like games to me. Games? You are really annoying! I can't believe his score is higher than mine. She is pretty, smart and her family is rich. By the way, have you heard about the robbery at the jewelry shop? A lot of crimes these days. That's terrifying... But Sailor V caught all the robbers! - Who's that? - You don't know? Sailor V is a famous heroine in a sailor suit! Some people say she is actually a special police officer. I see. I've never heard of her before. But I can relate to the robbers a bit... I know, right! Jewelry is shiny and gorgeous! Yes, it is! Your family runs a big jewelry shop, right? Yes... actually we've just started discount sales, some of our jewelry is affordable. Really? I will drop by later then! Me too. The middle one is a Pigeon's Blood Ruby, it's worth one billion yen! Of course, this one is not discounted. Whoa! So many people... Step right up! We are having a crazy sale! Mom, I'm back! Welcome home, Naru-chan. - Your friends? - Yes. It's crowded but see if you can find something you like. I will give your friends a special discount! Really? We've never had these kind of sales before... I wonder what happened to my mom. Don't push! We've got plenty for you! This is so cute! Since I did well on my exam, I will ask my dad to buy it. I need more of these young energies... I need more... I want one too... 30 percent, I don't think I can ask my mom for anything. I should go home. Huh? Hey, you hit me, Ms.Bump Head. Are you gonna make bumps on my head too? Excuse me, they are not bumps. It's a hairstyle! 30 percent. You need to study harder, Miss Bun-head. Mind your own business! My heart is still pounding... Who wears a tuxedo in the afternoon? What a show-off! This is a big jewelry shop... They might have it. The "Legendary Silver Crystal." So this is Sailor V. I wish I was Sailor V, then I wouldn't have to go to school. Plus kicking some bad guys butt would be fun! Can't defeat them. You dimwit. Usagi-chan, you are on your way home from school? You need some skills. Here, now! There's no time left, so be quick! - We did it! - We did it! Motoki-san works at the arcade as a part-timer... He's sweet and good-looking. I got my eye on him. Oh, it's the cat from this morning. Ah, this cat... She's been wandering around these last few days. Look, she has a bald patch in a crescent-shape. I'm home. Welcome home, Usagi. I ran into Umino-kun just then. His score on the exam was 95. What about you? Umino... and his big mouth. 30 percent? Usagi. Don't come home if you get such low scores on exams! What? Mom... What are you doing, silly Usagi? - Shingo? - You got kicked out again. I wish I had a smarter sister! Shingo! You are the younger one in this house. Sailor V Kick! Ouch... Mom, let me in, please! Be patient... Stupid humans! They all have no idea that jewelry is absorbing their energies. But it seems the one I seek is not here either... Mom? She doesn't have to be so mad. I don't feel like doing homework... I need a little break... What is this? The same dream from this morning? Wait... This is a video game! Right, I got to help that cat! That black cat with a crescent-shaped bald patch... Ouch. What are you doing? This is not a bald patch! How rude of you! Cat can talk? My name is Luna. I have been looking for you, Usagi-chan. Thank you for removing the band-aids. It disabled my speech power and it disturbed my searching abilities. Kids around this neighborhood are so naughty. I'm so glad to finally meet you. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't find you. - Good night. - Usagi-chan, this is not a dream. I'm dreaming... All right then, I will make you understand. Here's a gift for you, Usagi-chan. A gift? Wow, how cute. It's beautiful. Are you sure you're giving me this? Listen, Usagi-chan. Right now in Tokyo, many vicious crimes are happening while we speak. You are the chosen guardian. You have a mission. Find your allies and defeat the villains! Then please save our Princess... Luna! The broach is flashing! You still can't believe what I'm saying? Say it loud! Moon Prism Power Make up! Moon? Moon Prism Power Make up! W... What happened to me? I look like Sailor V! Do you see it now? What? Help, anyone... My mom! This voice... Naru-chan? Looks like Evil has come out... Luna! I don't know what's going on but Naru-chan is in danger! I have to go save her! Mom, what's wrong? Stop it! Your mom is... sleeping in the basement. I can't let you live since you saw my secret! No... Stay away from Naru-chan! You monstrous old hag! Who are you? Huh? M... Me? I am... well... I am... The Pretty Guardian in a Sailor Suit Guardian of Love and Justice Sailor Moon. In the name of the Moon, I'll punish you! Sailor Moon? I've never heard of you! Wake up, all the servants who contributed their energies to our great master! What's going on? Get her! What the hell is going on? Isn't this just a dream? It hurts! I am bleeding! - No. - What are you doing, Sailor Moon? Fight! You need to kick her butt. Why? How do I kick her butt? Why am I in this kind of a mess? I can't stand it! I wanna go home! I feel numb... Ultrasonic waves? Stop crying! Do it now! Sailor Moon! Do it now, Sailor Moon! Take the tiara! Scream "Moon Tiara Boomerang"! Moon Tiara Boomerang! You did it! Sailor Moon! I couldn't find the "Legendary Silver Crystal," but I saw something interesting... Wait, Sailor Moon. My name is Tuxedo Mask. Sailor Moon... I will remember your name. Sailor Moon... Not bad at all! I must get the "Legendary Silver Crystal" as soon as possible. "Juban Public Middle School" I passed out... when the robber attacked me. Before I lost consciousness, I saw Sailor Guardian came to save me! I wish I didn't pass out so I could find out who she is! - Did that really happen? - You were just dreaming, weren't you? It really happened. What's wrong, Usagi-chan? Seems like it wasn't a dream... What's gonna happen to me? To be continued... Let's hold hands Let's go to see the ocean Just the two of us A sudden sorrow swept over me I can see a moonbow Hanging in the sky Goodbye I promise I won't cry The wind is against us Dreams are fragile On a starry night They become bubbly and melty Even if the whole world Has gone asleep I will never stop singing I hope I will meet you again Previously, on "Sleepy Hollow"... Me and my sister Jenny, we're walking home, all of a sudden, there were these four white trees. And we blacked out. What happened to my son? The Sisterhood bound together and invoked a hex to stop his heart. Ichabod, this place I've been trapped in, it's Purgatory. I will free you from this hell. We will defeat Moloch, and we will be together again. My soul doesn't belong to me anymore. - How do I know I can even trust you? - You can't. I retain what I see with near perfect precision. You have photographic memory? I can't let anything happen to Macey. - Daddy... - Be gone, Satan! What the hell do you want? How did George Washington's Bible get buried with you? Do you know what's special about it? The answers are in Washington's Bible! This is in Washington's own hand. According to the history books, Washington died December 14th. Four days before he wrote this. - How is that possible? - That is what we must discover. Good day. This is Captain Ichabod Crane, esquire. If you will be so kind, please leave your name, rank and an address where I may reach you, and I will return this correspondence in a timely manner. And now what do I press? Pound? What's pound? Crane... Witness One paging Witness Two. I've been thinking about this page we found in Washington's Bible. I made a couple calls to people I know at Quantico. We can send the page to their carbon dating lab, which will give us a better idea of exactly when it was written. See you at work. I am... Respectfully, Lieutenant Mills. There's no way he's getting that message. Well... look at you. "More telescope conception?" "Store cellophane recession?" "Poor telephone reception." There you go. Hi, Abbie. We need to talk about boundaries. December 18th, 1799. It's not a birthday, not an anniversary. This date was important to you, General Washington. But why? What happened four days after you died? "On my way. Colon closed parenthesis." It's a man's face. I suppose that's... charming. Oh, my dear General, what is it you want me to see? Captain Crane. - General Washington. - Welcome back. I wish I could tell you what the future holds, Crane. It is most likely that you will be called upon, to continue this fight when others cannot. And when that time comes, good will always rise... Like Lazarus from his grave. Lazarus. In John... ___ General Washington. Always elbow-shaking. What are you doing here, Andy? Came here to ask you something. If you're here because Moloch wants Washington's Bible... He doesn't want the Bible. He wants a map. That Bible has instructions on how to get it. What would Moloch get from a map? It's not what he can get with the map. It's what you and Crane can use it for. Moloch is not gonna give up. He's sending his soldiers after you. Abbie, if you give me the Bible... - Are you kidding me? - Hear me out. If you can get me that Bible, then I promise you you'll be spared and you'll be awarded a high seat in his New Order. So if I turn my back on the world and Crane, I'll get a better view of the Apocalypse? Sorry. No deal. Please don't risk your life to protect Ichabod Crane. Crane. Come on, pick up. Crane will give your soul to Moloch... it is prophesied. Moloch... He's coming for your soul. He says I will deliver it to him. He will desert you. Just like your parents. Just like everyone you have ever loved. Except me. No one loves you like I do. Andy, listen to me... No. No, I don't wannna hear you say it. Trust me, this is for the best. This is Lieutenant Mills For the Captain. Please tell him it's an emergency. So... I had a busy morning. As did I. Of course... ladies first. For starters, when I call, I need you to pick up. I believe I would have an easier time navigating my device were it not such a... how shall I say this... - An antiquated piece of rubbish. - What's wrong with your phone? It's obsolete. I'm not blaming you, Lieutenant. It's these telecommunication companies, overwhelming the populace with their ostentatious advertisements. They're coercing the consumer into purchasing countless "system updates." It's an abuse of capitalism and certainly not the vision behind our... Laissez-faire market. Hmm. And yet... You want a new one? You've got one. Okay, I hear you. How 'bout this. You can have my phone for a couple of days. If you actually use it, I'll get you the same one. Shall we... seal this accord? Not to bury the lede, but Andy Brooks came to my house. For what purpose? I don't know anymore. Because he loves me? 'Cause he's trying to manipulate me? He said Moloch is unleashing soldiers on us. He's been after the Bible because it leads to a map. A map. What else? He repeated the same prophecy that Moloch told you. That you'd give up my soul, that we were destined to turn on each other. - Poppycock. - I know. And yet you don't seem so certain anymore. It's not you. Brooks knows about my family, my history. I think it's just... Screwing with my head a little. So, as I was poring over the Bible, I was thinking of Washington's words to me some months before I... Fell on the battlefield. He referenced the story of Lazarus. So I reread it in Washington's Bible, searching for clues. The story of Lazarus is usually 57 verses long. - In this Bible, it's 67. - Precisely. These ten false verses are likely encoded with a secret message from Washington. It still feels weird tampering with a Bible. Thomas Jefferson took a scalpel to his copy of the gospels. "December 18th, 1799." "Instructions from President George Washington" "for Captain Ichabod Crane, esquire." "Dear sir, if you're reading this now, then the war has resumed" "and your destiny to bear witness made manifest." Washington knew you were a Witness. One of the many secrets he kept hidden from me. "Four days ago, I was diagnosed by Dr. William Thornton" "with a fatal case of..." "Croup and quinsy." "As the end came, I drafted a plan." "I asked that my body be kept in state, preserved by Virginia's winter air" "so that supernatural forces might aid me in a final mission." "Four days ago, I died." "But through the cursed prayer beads of these occult forces, I was resurrected." My God. You and I have seen a lot of crazy stuff, but... zombie George Washington, that takes the cake. "And so my final mission was to skirt the icy bonds of death" "and resurrect myself." "As I existed, then, between the worlds of the living and the dead," "I could bring information from one into the other," "so that I could draft for you" "a map charting the passage from earth to purgatory." "An indispensable weapon against the evils of war." If we can find that map... I can free my wife from Purgatory. Season 1, Episode 12 "The Indispensable Man" Evil could want this map for any number of reasons. Our priority has to be getting it before they do. I know you want to free Katrina. Try not to let that cloud your judgment. If you promise not to let the inane prophecy offered by our enemy, Mr. Brooks, cloud yours. This is about defeating Moloch. Glad we agree. Shall we seal this accord? Are there any more clues from the Bible on where this map to Purgatory might be? The index in Washington's letter offers a list of names of people involved with the reanimation. - Alfred Knapp. - Reverend Knapp? We don't have much time. A warlock allied with Katrina. He guarded the Horseman's head for two centuries. Worked out well for him. This index states that he was present at the resurrection. The prayer beads they used... they must have been his. Washington's letter said that those beads are cursed. To imbue religious instruments with such dark forces would be an ungodly act. Those beads would be full of sin. If we can find Reverend Knapp's prayer beads, perhaps our Mr. Parish can read their history and discover what the late Reverend knew of this map. Let's call in our sin eater. You gave the order to move your family to a safe house based on a threat to your daughter. Any idea why a threat to you and your family would murder a cop and a priest? Deliver Washington's Bible. No. Well, did you know that Detective Morales was...? Thank you, Detective Nunez. That'll be all. Frank... I sent you out here. You're my guy, so, why don't I know what's going on in Sleepy Hollow? I have told you... Everything I know. No. You've been on my side of the table. You know I need answers, Frank. For these murders, for the beheadings, all of it. - Detective Morales... - Morales is not the answer. Then who the hell is? - Evil. - What? Did you just say "evil"? Yeah, Tom, I did. I was weak. I failed you. You are weak. Take me seriously! Please... make me your weapon. I will fight in your army. I will burn the world! Loyalty demands proof. Find me the map. No! All of the dreams Katrina and I shared can now be made real. This may not be the future we envisioned, but it will be ours to fashion as we wish. She is my guiding light. I love you, Ichabod. The guardian of my soul. And when we are reunited, I will cherish her as never before. I don't know what that means. If you like, I can search the web for, "I will cherish her as never before." Yolanda was a much better listener. Searching for "Yolanda." - Farewell. - Mr. Crane? Mr. Parish. Thank you for coming. Now where are these prayer beads? Follow me. If we're correct, these beads will point us to the map's location. According to church records, Knapp asked to be entombed with his body parts intact and his prayer beads around his neck. - Rather well preserved. - Health benefits of being a warlock. Remarkable stitching. An old flame of mine was a seamstress. - She'd be most impressed. - Who did you date, Betsy Ross? - How did you know that? - You serious? ! There is sin within this artifact. The sin of defying God Himself by cheating death. These beads were indeed used for something Most unnatural. Mr. Parish? My God. There must be a hex on these beads. It appears this might be harder than I first imagined. These beads are guarded, mostly likely to prevent an intrusion such as this. Abbie great. Dead warlock with a security system. I hadn't anticipated any kind of resistance. In fact, I've never felt anything quite like this. And that concludes our latest adventures in grave-robbing. I said this wasn't anticipated. I didn't say it was impossible. Look at your hand. That hex hurt you. We have no idea what other protections there are in place. We will find another way... Mr. Parish. These prayer beads are protecting valuable secrets. I can feel them trying to escape. We had to know that finding a map to Purgatory wouldn't be that easy. But if it helps you to retrieve your wife, and us to win this war, then it is a task that I am ready to embrace. Mr. Parish! Henry! Henry. I saw... Washington come to life. And Knapp... By a shoreline, carrying something. I'm sorry I couldn't get more. I tried. I just need a moment. - Let me assist you. - I said, leave me alone! Please. Crane, give him a minute. We shouldn't have let him do that. Parish is a man capable of making his own decisions. Maybe we need to rethink everything. Absolutely. Wait. What do you mean, "everything"? As in, maybe this map shouldn't be found. - I realize the dangers, Lieutenant. - Do you? Because I don't. And I know just as much about this map as you. I have to believe that Washington left it for me because I am a Witness, so I can free Katrina and end this war. Then why did Knapp put a hex on the beads so that no one could learn its secrets? Where was the heads up on that? Crane, Henry could have been killed! What are you implying? That in the 200 years that you were underground, the plan changed. It was a really long time ago. Who's to say that if we use this map and free Katrina... There won't be ramifications beyond our control, beyond what Washington anticipated? If entering Purgatory somehow opens the floodgates... - It would be Armageddon. - That is what I am thinking. Crane, I know how badly you want her back. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for another hour with my mom, patrol ride with Corbin. But if the day ever comes where you have to choose between the greater good and Katrina, if it ever comes to that, are you willing to sacrifice her freedom? 'Cause, to me, that's what this whole fight is all about. What are we willing to do to keep everyone, everything safe? Look out! No! Henry! Moloch sent those creatures to stop us. You're right, Lieutenant. This map is more dangerous than perhaps even Washington could have imagined. We must find it, or this war will be lost. I can cross "fighting a demon" from my bucket list. Safe to say... That hex was in place for good reason. Mainly stopping Moloch from gaining any information. I'm sorry I didn't learn anything of value. Seems Knapp has taken the map's location to his grave. Of course. The masons urge their brethren to take their secrets with them into death. It's a rite dating back to the pharaohs of Egypt. And Washington, being a mason, never would have wanted the map far from his remains. Reverend Knapp would have been ordered to bury the map with Washington. There are two different grave sites at Mt. Vernon and a tomb at the Capitol that has never been used. Two different recorded birthdays, two different wills, three different grave sites. Decoy chapters in the Bible. Why not decoy grave sites? Washington would've wanted to be buried near Sleepy Hollow, somewhere Knapp could protect. - Mr. Parish. - Yes. In those brief glimpses you read from the beads, did you see anything that might resemble a burial site? Well... Knapp was by a shoreline. He was transporting something. A body. Knapp was moving a body. - Many a mickle makes a muckle. - Come again? It's something Washington used to say. Several small parts add up to a greater whole. Knapp was ferrying Washington's body to a secret burial site. Now, there are 21 different islands along the Hudson River. Then let's figure out which one he went to. We find Washington's grave... his real grave... And we shall find the map buried with him. I am your servant! Moloch shall rise. And all his enemies will fall. This is Bannerman's Island. Washington used it as a penal colony. It's a good bet this is where Knapp buried him. Infuriating. I can't get my maps app to triangulate. Oh, but I can still receive updates for your so-called "social network." And how is it you have 500 friends? I had only seven close companions... four of them died. Those were good odds. We use the term "friend" more loosely these days. - Aristotle would be most unimpressed. - Yeah, well, he's dead, too. I pulled this from the archives. It should help us figure out where this grave might be. No. As detailed as these may be, it will not show you the masonic secrets used to hide a crypt's location, especially one as invaluable as Washington's. All I need is one hour on this island. I'll find out where the grave and the map are located. I'm on board with that, but once we get the map, we need to talk about how we should handle it. Yes. We will assay how best to keep it safe. No matter how dangerous. Or tempting. That's what Oppenheimer said about the Manhattan project. He created the nuclear bomb, a weapon that leveled parts of Japan, and, frankly, could still end the world if the devices got into the wrong hands. And what about when they were in the right hands? It ended a world war. I know this is crazy, but I... I need to ask. In all of your research, have you ever heard of a prophecy in which one of the Witnesses renounces the other? There is a prophecy buried deep in the apocryphon of John, a testament rejected from the Bible. Uh, "I will give my power to two Witnesses", "and they shall prophesy for 1,260 days. "But when the Beast comes up from the abyss, "a Witness will surrender a Witness. And neither will survive." So it's true. - Crane might turn on me. - If you believe in prophesy. You've known this whole time. As I said, it was rejected by those who transcribed the Bible. It's impossible to gauge its veracity. Sometimes a story is just a story, miss Mills. Evil believes that story. In fact, they're counting on it. A word of advice - Prophecies have a nasty way of fulfilling themselves if you let them. Over here! That rock in the clearing. Would that be your masonic marker? Does an alderman have an unwarranted self-regard? I don't even know how to answer that. You think Washington's buried here. And how do we get in? Beveled edges facing... north. Clockwise. Let me help. Thank you. Right. Should something be happening? - He said it, not me. - Patience, please. Patience. Worth the wait? Washington's secret grave. Where is she? You could have given us some warning, Tom. You owe him that much. Frank, they're taking samples. - Macey. - Dad. What the hell is going on? Calm down, Frank. We needed to take some DNA. You have no right. Forensics found DNA on Father Boland's neck. We need to screen everyone who was at the murder site. Is there anything new you two would like to tell us? Frank. You think my 13-year-old handicapped daughter is a suspect? It's a better lead than "evil." Look, it's clear you're under a lot of pressure. Why don't you and your wife take your daughter home for the night. But, Frank, if forensics gets more... We'll come back with a warrant for her arrest. If you come near my family without one, we will have a problem. "I.M." The Indispensable Man. A well-known moniker for general Washington. Looks simple enough. Let's get the map and get out of here before more of Moloch's minions show up. No, don't! Forgive me. I'd wager this pyramid is triggered to ignite upon the sign of any tampering. Also, Washington isn't in this pyramid... too obvious. Where is he then? "Cincinnatus." He was a Roman general, exiled to a life in the farmlands. When Rome was under threat, the senate retrieved him, made him a dictator. When the crisis was over, he gave up his power and went back to the farm. I took Latin in high school. Cincinnatus was Washington's hero. He represented the idea that power should only be given to those who want it least. Eureka. Oh, my. Nice teeth. Gold, ivory and lead. They were the envy of every man in Virginia. Not sure how Martha felt about them. Do you want me to do it? No, no, no, I'll... I'll do it. Forgive me, old friend. It's perfect. I have waited a very long time for this. Katrina. Now I can free her. Mr. Crane. Miss Mills. Oh, my God. Brooks... What happened to you? Andy. I don't know what Moloch did to you... But I know the Andy that I know is in there somewhere. The man that protected me. Give me the map. The man that loves me, Andy... The map! Abbie... destroy the map. Moloch needs it in order to win the war. Release me. Please, if you've ever... Once felt anything... Miss Mills! Quickly! Are you okay? I believe I am. That man... We need to get out of here. We're sealed inside. There must be another exit. The inner chamber. This way. There must be a way out deeper in the crypt. Here we go... the masonic symbol of ascension. God bless the freemasons. Crane, how positive are you about this pyramid being booby-trapped? 70%. Well, 60. Well, no, 65. Lieutenant, shoot the lever. Go! Go! Henry! I'm fine. Crane... You need to know... Before he died, Brooks begged me to destroy that map. He said Moloch would use it to win the war. Forget the prophecy. It's your call. I keep asking myself the same question, over and over again. What would I do if this had nothing to do with freeing Katrina? What's the answer? Forgive me, my love. Mr. Crane! If using this map meant betraying your trust that's something I cannot do. For the world. For our friendship. You and I will choose our own destiny. We have free will. I choose to forge my fate with you. I promise you... We are going to save her. I shall hold you to that, Lieutenant. I told them to stock the place with your favorite ice cream. Which is? All of 'em. Macey has the highest grades in her class. You're amazing, bean. I'm sorry, you deserve better. You know, if you would have told me that a year ago, you would still be living in this house. It was me. I killed Jason Boland and Devon Jones. Frank... I'm confessing. You might want to get a witness. Find me, please! Free me from this place! We will defeat Moloch, and we will be together again. I swear. ___ ___ ___ ___ Katrina? Katrina! Good morrow, sir. Good morrow. Katrina. Ooh, uh... Madam, I mistook you for, um, somebody else. Oh, that's quite all right. Your coat and tie front shirt... such attention to detail, sir. - Did you make them yourself? - Where am I? We are near the headwaters of Lake Champlain. We've just joined league with the Marquis de Montcalm's mercenary force to repel the 43rd highland regiment. Of course. I have not yet awoken from last night's slumber. - Pardon? - This is a dream, madam, and a rather inaccurate one at that. It was the 42nd regiment, and that event transpired in 1758, well before the war began. Wow, dude. "Dude"? It's a reenactment. Just, you know, relax. Go with it. - A reenactment? - Uh-huh. Of a war? Hey, Phil! For amusement? I get it. It's your first time. Uh, you're actually supposed to be in the official outfit. So what size are you? - You sell clothing. - Yes. Well, maybe fate has led me to you after all. Oh, you are not supposed to have your cell phone on you. Okay. Hello. It's Henry Parish. I'm sorry to call so early, Ichabod, but there's a matter of some urgency. I need to see you and miss Mills right away. It's quite dire. You bought the same exact outfit? So does this mean we can finally give away that ratty coat? Please. And risk it be worn "ironically" by purveyors of artisanal marmalade who discovered it at a local thrift shop? I thank you, no. For judge a man not by the wear of what he wears, but by the where and how he wears it. They scheduled Irving's hearing for this morning. I told Cynthia I'd get down there. Parish will be here momentarily. He emphasized the urgency. Irving just signed a confession to the murders of Devon Jones and Father Boland. I think that falls under the urgency category, too. He confessed to protect Macey. Yet they are both innocent. Surely our criminal justice system can account for that. You're talking to the girl who spent a decade in Tarrytown psychiatric because she told the truth. Afraid there's no time for pleasantries, my friends. I believe that on this day, Moloch will seek to unleash hell on earth. That's one way to enter a room. This morning I awoke from a terrible dream. It was a premonition. I have them on occasions. In my vision, I saw Moloch surrounded by four white trees, and he was raising something from the earth. A creature of some kind. - What did the creature look like? - I couldn't see its face. Only a taloned hand covered in dirt. And then I saw fragments. Images like pieces of a puzzle. A man on a flaming horse, riding against a solar eclipse, a-and a voice said... "Come and see." "And then another horse came forth, of fiery red." "Its rider was given the power to take peace from the earth." "And to make men slay each other." "To him was given a large sword." The second of four horsemen. War. Of course. Moloch's riddle. "The Saint's name is a sign. "When you know my meaning, war will take form." Is there any chance that this is just a bad dream? I'm afraid not. The celestial calendar confirms there will be a solar eclipse by day's end today. It can't be a coincidence. 13 years to the day... I'm afraid you've lost me. Today marks the anniversary of the day they first encountered Moloch in the forest. There was an eclipse that day, too. Then I fear that miss Mills is correct. This is more than mere coincidence. My friends, it appears that war is coming to Sleepy Hollow... Today. Lieutenant Mills? I'm sorry, I saw you come in. Cynthia said to meet her here. There's been a last-minute change in venue. Wait, Irving's gone already? They transferred him upstate. He left this for you. Thank you. "Check the marked pages." Ah, Lieutenant, perfect timing. You're going to like this. You found something? Don't get excited. You haven't heard the plan yet. A plan to stop the second Horseman? According to hidden messages encoded within Washington's Bible, a binding spell cast upon the soil from which the second Horseman will emerge may prevent him from entering this realm. Witchcraft. When am I gonna ever stop being surprised? Unfortunately, all the witches we've encountered are now deceased. With the exception, of course, of Ichabod's wife. Who's in Purgatory, and we burned the only existing map. Wait for it. The unexpected blessings of an eidetic memory. I was able to redraw the map. You lied. A half-truth. A half-truth is a whole lie. All right, I lied. Yet I had no intention of using this map without your consent, but Katrina is the only one who can stop the second Horseman. Show me. Admit it, you appreciate me a little. Microscopically. Observe. The map is a cross section of ley lines. Naturally forming pathways said to be of historical and sometimes spiritual significance. Let me guess - There's a ley line right here in Sleepy Hollow. They converge on what appears to be a dirt road that cuts through forestland. Now, recall, if you will, the words of general Washington. Which one? Zombie Washington or Father of the Free World Washington? The General said the battle between good and evil "would be won or lost on a township "that took its name from the hallowed ground "on which it lay, a doorway between worlds." He was referring to this. This spot here, the gateway to Purgatory. And my way back to Katrina. What about the rest of Moloch's riddle? The Saint's name? Irving may have gotten us a lead with that. Since all of this began with Corbin and Reverend Knapp, he pulled Knapp's things from the impound and found this old datebook logging meeting between the two of them. - Father. - Sheriff. They were working together? Corbin never told me. Corbin doesn't mention his name in any of the hard files, but he's got the audio logs. I'm gonna need you to start digging. There are hundreds of hours of tapes. I'll never get through all of them in time. It's the only lead that we have; Whatever they were on to, it's in there somewhere. Can I talk to you for a second? You're really gonna do this? Just walk into Purgatory so Crane can get his wife back? Did I miss a backup plan? Maybe you forgot Moloch guards Purgatory. Oh, really? Was that his name? Moloch, who ripped our live in half, I forgot all about it. Thanks for reminding me. Who said Crane would hand over your soul, and you're gonna make it easy for him. I want to stop running from this bastard, Jenny. Don't you? Aren't you tired of being afraid? I don't want to be a victim anymore. I want to face him. For me. It's for us. Do you remember the Dollhouse we found in the dumpster behind our house when we were little? Dollhouse. Dad would be drunk, mom talking to the silverware. We'd go upstairs, lock the door and play with it, and you said "we're okay. "Just pretend. "Pretend this is our house. This is where we'll always be safe." I believed you. And then you went away. Jenny... I don't want to lose you again. I can't. Listen to me. It's taken me a while to come to terms with what happened to us. To me, what it really means. That you're a Witness. With a capital "W." I'm not gonna lose you again. I need you to have faith. I have more than faith. I'm a mental patient with a gun. If you're not back by sunset, I will come hunt you down. Come back to me. Can you feel it? The air feels somehow different here. GPS says we're close. Now's probably a good time to ask how we're gonna find Katrina once we get in there. Your ancestors' church - Grace and Joseph. Katrina said she visits the "echo" of that church every day. And I light a candle in memoriam and I pray for his soul. On the bright side, at least we'll get to experience life after death within our lifetime. That is a pretty dark bright side. You must not take this lightly. Purgatory is a maze of temptation. If you are offered food or drink, you must not accept it. The reality you're presented will seem entirely true. And every part of you will want to embrace it, but if you do, you'll be trapped there for eternity... Imprisoned in Purgatory forever. This is where the lines converge. Washington inscribed this incantation here, meant to summon a doorway to Purgatory. And when you've found Katrina, repeat the words and the doorway will reopen, returning you here. We gotta move. Henry... Are you okay? I've come to care deeply about you both. You gave me a reason to hope again. And now I implore you to cling to that hope. Remember your link with each other. Purgatory will try to make you forget it, but hold onto each other in your hearts, and nothing can separate you. You were chosen for this moment. I look forward to meeting your wife. And I, to introducing you. We, the penitent, with humble heart upon this threshold do summon thee - In mirror'd form appear, a gateway to the world between worlds. Crane? Abbie, eh, you're awake. How you feeling, kid? - Hey, Abbie. - How are you both here? You're dead. Dead? Shoot, why doesn't anybody ever tell me these things? Where in the hell is Crane? - What are you talking about? - Ichabod Crane! Okay, honey, honey, you need to take it easy. Look, you got hit in the head pretty hard. You got a concussion. Sit down. Take it easy. The doctor said the dizziness, memory loss, hallucinations, that's all normal side effects after you wake up. They furloughed you from training so you could recover here. Furlough? From Quantico. FBI academy? You got knocked out in a live fire exercise. You remember any of it? I was at the academy? Yeah. Top of your class. Shocker. You left us all in the dust. This guy kicks my ass every week 'cause he misses you so much. You just need to take it easy. They said that your place is secure. You're gonna graduate with your pick of assignments. Right now, you just need to rest, okay? Ah, there's my girl. Yeah. Mm... I miss you so much. I'm supposed to remember something. Lieutenant? Father. Welcome, son. After years of service to his Majesty's army abroad, you've returned home a hero to your country. Cornwallis himself said the battle of Yorktown could not have been won without your decisive command! The British lost. Still a little light-headed, I see. No doubt. I don't understand. You've been granted a full professorship with all its attendant perquisites. Because of you, the Crane name will live on in these hallowed halls, a chain of unbroken purpose. Have you nothing to say? When I turned against England... You swore you'd never speak to me again. You disavowed me as your son. Ichabod, you... you rum-beggar. Even as a boy, your imagination always skewed toward the Greek tragedies! You are... And always will be... A child after my own heart. Come to me. I love you, my boy. And now, libation! August. Apple pie a la mode. You got about five minutes before that hot, crispy crust... Comes together with the ice cream and melts into a warm, soupy mess. You know, the first time I took you to that diner, I knew you were destined for something great, that you were gonna matter, and I was gonna play a part somehow. I'm so damn proud of you. Ah, but first, pie, right? Yeah! Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh, damn, boss, you missed your calling. Yeah. Eat up, kid. Just like old times, huh? I never thought I'd say this, not in a million years, but I just want to go back to the way it was before. I'm afraid neither of us can. This isn't real. This isn't real. Where you do you think you're going, Abbie? You're not Corbin. Abbie, you sit back down at this table and eat the damn pie, you hear me? ! Abbie, it hurts! Please don't let him take my soul! Don't leave me here, kid. Please! I once offered that when you have your own child, remember... He'll follow your example more than your advice. Which is why I'm so deeply proud to say and to see... You've done both. Cheers. I used to imagine I'd be a Professor in my own right. Yet upheld by his pride for me. This is a dream. This is a dream. It's true, then. You choose to forsake all I've given you? To turn your back on your heritage, on your future... On me? ! This is not my future. You are not my father. Drink what I offer, or you will be sent to Coventry - forgotten, disowned, a Crane no longer! I've felt the pain of your shunning once before, and I loved you nonetheless. Yet my answer remains... No. Still no evidence found for that fire on Milford. Probably nothing. March 21st, found a dead body with a strange tattoo on the back of his head. It's definitely some kind of symbol, but nothing I've ever seen before. Found an old pamphlet from an antiques dealer in town named Adams circa 1781. It talks about a sermon at a church named trinity outside of town. Now, this church has been abandoned for over a hundred years. When I called Reverend Knapp to find out what he knew about it, he insisted that we meet in person. I think the answer might be somewhere in the ruins of this old church. Excuse me. Miss? Crane. This isn't real. Our surroundings may an illusion, yet I assure you I am the genuine article. Yet what assurance do I have that you are as well? After we trapped the Horseman, what did I teach you? It served a purpose after all. I guess we survived our first test. Temptation. Huh. When I remembered you, I saw this world for what it truly is. Same. Parish said our link to each other was the key. And now we must find Katrina. I recognize these woods. It's where I first found Katrina. What the hell? A form of hell, it would seem. Lost souls... Searching for salvation. Ichabod! No, no, no! I begged you never to return here. What do you know of the secrets of Washington's Bible? Only that he wanted to ensure that it found its way with you. Among its revelations, it holds a map, allowing us to summon a doorway to and from this place. Now, the second Horseman will ride into the mortal realm this very day... And you can stop him. You'll finally be free from this place. We're gonna bring you home. Oh, no, I can't. Sure you can. We'll help you pack. No soul can leave this place without being granted forgiveness. To leave without it... It would break down the walls between the worlds. I can't accept that. We didn't come this far to get dinged by some metaphysical technicality. We're not leaving without you. With war's arrival, our destruction is assured either way. What are you not saying? There's no time for indecision, my love. There is... An alternative. One that requires a sacrifice of great cost, one I cannot ask. Spill it. My soul can leave this realm... But only if another were to take my place. Please, I beg you both, leave before none of us can. If one of us is to remain here in order to set you free... It shall be me. No... It's me. That is not an option. I have to face him, Crane. Moloch. I can't keep running away. - I won't. - Lieutenant... I'm not asking for your permission. You did not ask me for mine when you decided to end your life before you knew that Parish could separate you from the Horseman. And then you very wisely convinced me there is always another way. This is the only way! We were chosen for this. To sacrifice ourselves so that humanity can endure, so that people can choose their destiny. It's my turn, Ichabod. Moloch warned that I would deliver you to him, and here we are. If we do this, his prophecy will be fulfilled. We are out of time. This amulet was bound by the Sisterhood of the Radiant Heart. It will protect you from Moloch. I will not allow you to remain here for long. Once we've stopped war's arrival, I will return to set you free. I'm counting on it. I swear to you, for as long as I can draw breath... Our work is not done. You will come back for me. That, I know. Remember our bond. I'll come back for you. Have faith. Go! Go! Repeat these words after me. We, the penitent, with humble heart... We, the penitent, with humble heart upon this threshold do summon thee - ...upon this threshold do summon thee - In mirror'd form appear... In mirror'd form appear a gateway to the world between worlds. ...a gateway to the world between worlds. Ichabod. Where is Abigail? Katrina could not be freed... Unless another soul assumed her place. Moloch's prophecy. I will be back for her. You son of a bitch. It's just you and me now. Now... You are mine. I was never yours... And I never will be. Ichabod. Ichabod! Is this real? - Am I truly here? - Yes, my love. Excuse me. My name is Henry Parish. It's... A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mrs. Crane. You're the Sin Eater. We must hurry. The eclipse is near. You said you foresaw Moloch pull a creature from the ground in these woods. Can you find the location? A path finding spell should guide us to our destination. My power's weakened. It's been centuries since I used it here. Northeast. That is where we must go. I married a witch. How... cool. It is a figure of speech, you'll learn. Come. Okay, old man, I'm here. What do you want me to find? We're here. I sense the presence of a great evil. She's right. Look. Just as they were in my vision. And in mine. This is where the second Horseman will emerge. My dig into the church's history indicates it changed owners over the course of two centuries and was renamed several times before it was eventually abandoned. But its last recorded title seems to have disappeared from the county files altogether. Great. Waste of time. I'm starting to believe there's no such thing as a coincidence around here. Why would someone want to hide an abandoned church's name? You've reached Lieutenant Mills. Please leave a message. Abbie, it's me. God, I hope you're okay. I figured out Moloch's warning - "The Saint's name is a sign." He meant it literally. So whatever you do, you can't... ___ Hey. Come in. We're having a tea party. Where am I? The place we've always felt most safe. Moloch can't get to you in here. There's a reason you can't remember what happened to you that day in the woods. After we saw him rise up from behind the trees. - We blacked out. - No. We saw more. Much more. I don't understand. The reason you can't remember what happened next is because we're your memory. Moloch took us out of your head. You and Jenny both. What do you mean he took you out of my head? To make you forget the truth. That's why we've been locked away here since that day. So you wouldn't find us. The eclipse is nearly complete. Soon the second Horseman will rise. Something's wrong. The binding spell isn't working. What do you mean? This ground, I feel nothing beneath it. If the second Horseman was supposed to be here... It's gone. It's here. I assure you. Do you know the etymology of the word - "Apocalypse"? - To disclose or reveal. That time... Has come. Henry? - Stop! Leave her be, damn you! - You're in no position to make demands. I suggest you stop struggling. Your power is nothing compared to mine. I trusted you! You needed faith, my dear Ichabod, and I gave it to you, both of you... in your desire to be reunited. And to Abigail, who so desperately needs to believe there's a purpose to her pain. See, faith is a pillar of human nature. The belief that all will end well if we just cling onto it with all our might. And it is what blinds us to what's right in front of us all along. It was you who appeared to me in Purgatory. Of course it was. I planted the simple seed in your fertile mind. The first glimmer of hope in over two centuries. The sin eater. It was you that brought us together. All I had to do was play my part. For so long, I've hoped for this day. To find the reason for what I've been given. The reason is you. I gave you the answer so many times. I practically spelled it out for you. A good puzzle misleads you. It sends you in one direction, fools you into thinking you know what's going on. But once you've discovered the trick, you see that there's often a hidden meaning. Who are you? And still you see so little. Don't you know? Can't you guess? An emissary of Moloch? Oh, I'm much more than that. Your binding spell had no effect... Because there was nothing to bind. The second Horseman was unearthed over a decade ago on this very day under the darkening sun. And as Moloch prophesied, he has waited all this time to take form. We saw Moloch appear from behind the trees. It wasn't an accident that he was in the forest that day. He came for a reason. Just like we were sent there to stop him. What do you mean we were "sent there"? Why was Moloch in the woods? I need to know. What did I see? It's you. You are the second Horseman. Just like Abraham once was a mortal man before he became death. Only half mortal. I am... After all... What you made me. Mother. And Father. No. Jeremy? You died. Murdered by my mother's own coven. Condemned... As an orphaned, wayward warlock, and left to whither in a plain, pine box. Yet my blood... Our blood was strong enough to breath life back into my lungs. Just as it gave my beloved golem life when I was a child. Your son's blood is your blood. You knew my blood would destroy it. And yet you allowed me to kill it. Sometimes those we love must be sacrificed on the altar of a higher purpose. You survived the death hex. Death would have been a merciful gift compared with what followed. For two centuries, I weakened in this dark prison. Feeding on the vines that crept in along side of me. Crying out to the pitiless God that put me there. And to the two who abandoned me to eternal suffering. Then after two centuries, I heard a voice. The voice of my true Father offering salvation. Jeremy... Moloch is not your father. He is a prince of lies. He came... And took me out of the earth. God sent a Witness to try and stop me, but she was not yet strong enough. We defeated her then and we have defeated her now! I have to find a way out of here. I need to help them. It's too late. The doorway's closed. I don't think that you understand. I have to find a way home. This is your home now. This is your home. You invented an entire family history. Even your name. No, no, no. Not my name. That was given to me by God's grace. The very church where you abandoned me as a child was the first place I saw upon my resurrection. So I took the Saint's name to spite him. Jeremy, listen to me, I beg you. We are all children in the absence of our parents. Believe me, I know this to be true. You know nothing! Every choice that I made, I made it to protect you. I spent two centuries under the earth for your choices! And she spent two centuries in Purgatory suffering the consequences! Oh... look. This is our first family spat. You cannot fathom how meaningless your words are to me. Now that the two Witnesses are separated, there is nothing to stop us breaking the second seal. And fulfilling a promise made long ago to an old friend. She's finally yours, Abraham. No, no! Pleasant dreams. Don't! Katrina! No! No! Katrina! Now you'll know what it's like to lose faith. When it's gone, you have nothing. And when you have nothing, there's nothing holding you back from what you're capable of. Behold the second seal! Don't! War isn't coming to Sleepy Hollow. It's been waiting all along. And now... It begins. - Good-bye, Father. - No! No! No! Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Me and my sister were walking home. All of a sudden, there were four white trees. And we blacked out. Ripped By mstoll What happened to my son? The Sisterhood bound together... And invoked a hex... To stop his heart. Ichabod, this place I've been trapped in, it's Purgatory. I will free you from this hell. We will defeat Moloch, and we will be together again. My soul doesn't belong to me. How do I know I can trust you? You can't. I retain what I see in perfect precision. You have a photographic memory? I can't let anything happen to Macey. Daddy. Begone, Satan! What the hell do you want? How did Washington's Bible get buried with you? Know what's special about it? The answers are in Washington's Bible. This is in Washington's own hand. According to the history books, Washington died December 14th. Four days before he wrote this. How is that possible? Thai is what we must discover. Good day. This is Captain Ichabod Crane, esquire. Please leave your name, rank and an address where I may reach you and I will return this correspondence in a timely manner. And now what do I press? Pound.... Pound.... Crane? Witness one paging witness two. I've been thinking about this page we found in Washington's Bible. I made a couple calls to people I know at Quantico. We can send the page to their carbon-dating lab which will give us a better idea of exactly when it was written. See you at work. I am, respectfully, Lieutenant Mills. There's no way he's getting that message. Well, look at you. "More telescope conception?" Ha, ha. "Store cellophane recession?" "Poor telephone reception." Ha, ha. There you go. Hi, Abbie. We need to talk about boundaries. December 18th, 1799. It's not a birthday, not an anniversary. This date was important to you, General Washington, but why? What happened four days after you died? "On my way," colon, closed parenthesis. Oh. It's a man's face. I suppose that's charming. Oh, my dear general, what is it you want me to see? - Captain Crane, welcome back. - General Washington. I wish I could tell you what the future holds, Crane. It is most likely that you will be called upon to continue this fight when others cannot. And when that time comes. Good will always rise like Lazarus from his grave. Lazarus. John. General Washington, always elbow shaking. What are you doing here, Andy? I came hereto ask you something. If you're here because Moloch wants Washington's Bible... He doesn't want the Bible. He wants a map. The Bible has instructions on how to get it. What would Moloch get from a map? It's not what he can gel. It's what you and Crane can use it for. Moloch is not gonna give up. He's sending his soldiers after you. Abbie, if you give me the Bible... Are you kidding me? Hear me out. If you can get me that Bible then I promise you you'll be spared. You'll be awarded a high seat in his new order. So if I turn my back on the world and Crane I'll get a better view of the Apocalypse? Sorry. No deal. Please don't risk your life to protect Ichabod Crane. Crane. Come on, pick up. Crane will give your soul to Moloch. It is prophecy. Moloch. He's coming for your soul. He says I will deliver it to him. He will desert you. Just like your parents. Just like everyone you have ever loved. Except me. No one loves you like I do. Andy, listen to me. No. No. I don't wanna hear you say it. Trust me, this is for the best. This is Lieutenant Mills for the captain. Please tell him it's an emergency. Sol had a busy morning. As did I. Of course, ladies first. For starters, when I call, I need you to pick up. I believe I'd have an easier time navigating my device were it not such a... How shall I say this? ...An antiquated piece of rubbish. What's wrong with your phone? It's obsolete. And I'm not blaming you, lieutenant. It's these telecommunication companies overwhelming the populace with their ostentatious advertisements. They're coercing the consumer into purchasing countless system updates. It's an abuse of capitalism, and certainly not the vision behind our laissez-faire market. Mm, and yet you want a new one? You've got one. Okay, I hear you. How about this? You can have my phone for a couple days. If you actually use it, I'll get you the same one. Shall we seal this accord? Not to bury the lede but Andy Brooks came to my house. For what purpose? I don't know anymore. Because he loves me? Because he's trying to manipulate me? He said Moloch is unleashing soldiers on us. He's been after the Bible because it leads to a map. A map. What else? He repeated the same prophecy that Moloch told you. That you'd give up my soul, that we were destined to turn on each other. Poppycock. I know. And yet you don't seem so certain anymore. It's not you. Brooks knows about my family, my history. I think it's just screwing with my head a little. So as I was poring over the Bible, I was thinking of Washington's words to me some months before I fell on the battlefield. He referenced the story of Lazarus. So I reread it in Washington's Bible searching for clues. The story of Lazarus is usually 57 verses long. In this Bible, it's 67. Precisely. These 10 false verses are likely encoded with a secret message from Washington. Still feels weird tampering with a Bible. Thomas Jefferson took a scalpel to his copy of the Gospels. "December 18th, 1799. Instructions from President George Washington for Captain Ichabod Crane, esquire. Dear sir, if you're reading this now then the war has resumed, and your destiny to bear witness made manifest." Washington knew you were a witness. One of the many secrets he kept hidden from me. "Four days ago I was diagnosed by Dr. William Thornton with a fatal case of croup and quinsy. As the end came, I drafted a plan. I asked that my body be kept in state preserved by Virginia's winter air so that supernatural forces might aid me in a final mission. Four days ago, I died. But through the cursed prayer beads of these occult forces I was resurrected." My God. You and I have seen a lot of crazy stuff but zombie George Washington? That takes the cake. "And so my final mission was to skirt the icy bonds of death and resurrect myself. As I existed then between the worlds of the living and the dead I could bring information from one into the other so that I could draft for you a map charting the passage from Earth to Purgatory." "An indispensable weapon against the evils of war." If we can find that map I can free my wife from Purgatory. Evil could want this map for any number of reasons. Our priority has to be getting it before they do. I know you wanna free Katrina but try not to let that cloud your judgment. If you promise not to let the inane prophecy... "offered by our enemy Mr. Brooks cloud yours. This is about defeating Moloch. Glad we agree. Shall we seal this accord? Are there any more clues from the Bible on where this map to Purgatory might be? The index in Washington's letter offers a list of names of people involved in the reanimation. Alfred Knapp. Reverend Knapp? We don't have much time. A warlock allied with Katrina he guarded the horseman's head for two centuries. Worked out well for him. This index states that he was present at the resurrection. The prayer beads they used. They must have been his. Washington's letter said that those beads are cursed. To imbue religious instruments with such dark forces would be an ungodly act. Those beads would be full of sin. If we can find Reverend Knapp's prayer beads perhaps our Mr. Parrish could read their history and discover what the late reverend knew of this map. Let's call in our Sin Eater. You gave the order to move your family to a safe house based on a threat. Any idea why a threat to you and your family would murder a cop and a priest? Deliver Washington's Bible. No. Did you know that Morales"? Thank you, Detective Nunez. That'll be all. Frank I sent you out here. You're my guy. So why don't I know what's going on in Sleepy Hollow? I have told you everything I know. You've been on my side of the table. You know I need answers, Frank. For these murders, for the beheadings, all of it. Detective Morales... Morales is not the answer. Then who the hell is? Evil. What? Did you just say "evil"? Yeah, Tom, I did. I was weak. I failed you. You are weak. Take me seriously! Please, make me your weapon. I will fight in your army. I will burn the world! Loyalty demands proof. Find me the map. All of the dreams Katrina and I shared can now be made real. This may not be the future we envisioned but it will be ours to fashion as we wish. She is my guiding light. I love you, Ichabod. The guardian of my soul. When we are reunited, I will cherish her as never before. I don't know what that means. If you like, I can search the Web for: "I will cherish her as never before." Yolanda was a much better listener. Searching for "Yolanda. " - Farewell. - Mr. Crane. Mr. Parrish. Thank you for coming. Now, where are these prayer beads? Follow me. If we're correct, these beads will point us to the map's location. According to church records Knapp asked to be entombed with his body parts intact and his prayer beads around his neck. Rather well preserved. Health benefits of being a warlock. Remarkable stitching. An old flame of mine was a seamstress. She'd be most impressed. Who'd you date, Betsy Ross? How did you know that? You serious? There is sin within this artifact. The sin of defying God himself by cheating death. These beads were indeed used for something most unnatural. Mr. Parrish? My God. There must be a hex on these beads. It appears this might be harder than I first imagined. These beads are guarded most likely to prevent an intrusion such as this. Great. Dead warlock with a security system. I hadn't anticipated any kind of resistance. In fact, I've never felt anything quite like this. That concludes our latest adventures in grave robbing. I said this wasn't anticipated. I didn't say it was impossible. Look at your hand. That hex hurt you. We have no idea what other protections are in place. We'll find another way, Mr. Parrish. These prayer beads are protecting valuable secrets. I can feel them trying to escape. We had to know that finding a map to Purgatory wouldn't be that easy. But if it helps you retrieve your wife and us win this war then it is a task that I am ready to embrace. Oh. Mr. Parrish. Henry! Henry. I saw Washington come to life and Knapp by a shoreline, carrying something. I'm sorry I couldn't get more. I tried. I just need a moment. Let me assist you. Leave me alone. Please. Crane, give him a minute. We shouldn't have let him do that. Parrish is capable of making decisions. Maybe we need to rethink everything. Absolutely. Wait. What do you mean, "everything"? As in, maybe this map shouldn't be found. I realize the dangers, lieutenant... Do you? Because I don't. And I know as much about this map as you. I believe Washington left it for me because I am a witness. So I can free Katrina and end this war. And why did Knapp put a hex on the beads so that no one could learn its secrets? Where was the heads-up on that? Crane, Henry could have been killed. What are you implying? That in the 200 years you were underground, the plan changed. It was a really long time ago. Who's to say that if we use this map and free Katrina there won't be ramifications beyond our control beyond what Washington anticipated? If entering Purgatory somehow opens the floodgates... It would be Armageddon. That is what I am thinking. Crane, I know how badly you want her back. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for another hour with my mom patrol ride with Corbin. But if the day ever comes when you have to choose between the greater good and Katrina if it ever comes to that, are you willing to sacrifice her freedom? Because to me, that's what this fight is all about. What are we willing to do to keep everyone, everything, safe? Look out! No! Henry! Moloch sent those creatures to stop us. You're right. This map is more dangerous than Washington could have imagined. We must find it or this war will be lost. I can cross "fighting a demon" from my bucket list. Safe to say that hex was in place for a good reason. Mainly stopping Moloch from gaining information. I'm sorry I didn't learn anything of value. It seems Knapp has taken the map's location to his grave. Of course. The Masons urged their brethren to take their secrets with them into death. It's a rite dating back to the pharaohs of Egypt. Washington, being a Mason, never would've wanted the map far from his remains. Reverend Knapp would have been ordered to bury the map with Washington. There are two grave sites at Mount Vernon and a tomb at the Capitol that has never been used. Two different birthdays, two different wills, three different grave sites. Decoy chapters in the Bible. Why not decoy grave sites? Washington would've wanted to be buried near Sleepy Hollow somewhere Knapp could protect it. Mr. Parrish. Yes? In those glimpses you read from the beads did you see anything that might resemble a burial site? Um... Knapp was by a shoreline. He was transporting something. A body. Knapp was moving a body. Many a mickle makes a muckle. Come again? Something Washington said. Several small parts add up to a greater whole. Knapp was ferrying Washington's body to a secret burial site. There are 21 different islands along the Hudson. Let's figure out which he went to. We find Washington's grave his real grave, we shall find the map buried with him. I am your servant! Moloch shall rise and all of his enemies will fall. This is Bannerman Island. Washington used it as a penal colony. It's a good bet this is where Knapp buried him. It's infuriating. I can't get my maps app to triangulate. Oh. I can still receive updates for your so-called social network. How is it you have 500 friends? I had only seven close companions. Four of them died. Those were good odds. We use the term "friend" more loosely these days. - Aristotle would be most unimpressed. - Yeah, well, he's dead too. I pulled this from the archives. It should help us figure out where this grave might be. Now, as detailed as these may be they will not show you the Masonic secrets used to hide a crypts location especially one as invaluable as Washington's. All I need is one hour on this island. I'll find out where the grave and the map are located. I'm on board with that. But once we get the map we need to talk about how we should handle it. Yes, we will say how best to keep it safe. No matter how dangerous or tempting. That's what Oppenheimer said about the Manhattan Project. He created a nuclear bomb, a weapon that leveled parts of Japan and frankly, could still end the world if the devices got into the wrong hands. And what about when they were in the right hands? It ended a world war. Ahem. I know this is crazy, but I need to ask. In all of your research, have you ever heard of a prophecy in which one witness renounces the other? There is a prophecy buried deep in the Apocryphon of John a testament rejected from the Bible. I will give my power to two witnesses, and they shall prophesy for 1260 days. But when the beast comes up from the abyss a witness will surrender a witness, and neither will survive. So it's true. Crane might turn on me. If you believe in prophecy. You've known this whole time. As I said it was rejected by those who transcribed the Bible. It's impossible to gauge its veracity. Sometimes a story is just a story, Ms. Mills. Evil believes that story. In fact, they're counting on it. A word of advice. Prophecies have a nasty way of fulfilling themselves if you let them. Over here! That rock in the clearing. Would that be your Masonic marker? Does an alderman have an unwarranted self-regard? I don't even know how to answer that. You think Washington's buried here? How do we get in? Beveled edges facing north. Clockwise. - Let me help. - Thank you. Right. Should something be happening? He said it, not me. Patience, please. Patience. Worth the wait? Washington's secret grave. Where is she? You could have given us some warning, Tom. You owe him that much. Frank, they're taking samples. Macey? Dad? What the hell is going on? Calm down. We needed to take some DNA. You have no right. Forensics found DNA on Father Boland's neck. We need to screen everyone who was at the murder site. Is there anything new you two would like to tell us? Frank. You think my 13-year-old handicapped daughter is a suspect? It's a better lead than evil. Look, it's clear you're under a lot of pressure. Why don't you and your wife take your daughter home for the night? But, Frank, if Forensics gets more we'll come back with a warrant for her arrest. If you come near my family without one we will have a problem. "LM." The Indispensable Man. A well-known moniker for General Washington. Looks simple enough. Let's get the map and get out of here before any more of Moloch's minions show up. Forgive me. I'd wager this pyramid is triggered to ignite upon the sign of any tampering. Also, Washington isn't in this pyramid. Too obvious. Where is he, then? Cincinnatus. That's a Roman general, exiled lo a life in the farmlands. When Rome was under threat, the Senate retrieved him and made him a dictator. When the crisis was over he gave up his power and went back to the farm. I took Latin in high school. Cincinnatus was Washington's hero. He represented the idea that power should only be given to those who want it least. Eureka. Oh, my. Nice teeth. Gold, ivory and lead. They were the envy of every man in Virginia. I"m not sure how Martha felt about them. Do you want me to do it? No, no, no, I'll do it. Forgive me, old friend. It's perfect. I have waited a very long time for this. Katrina. Now I can free her. Mr. Crane. Ms. Mills. Oh, my God. Brooks... What happened to you? Andy, I don't know what Moloch did to you but I know the Andy that I know is in there somewhere. The man that protected me. Give me the map. The man that loves me, Andy. The map. Abbie, destroy the map. Moloch needs it in order to win the war. Release me. Please, if you've ever once felt anything. Aah! Ms. Mills, quickly. - Are you okay? - I believe I am. We need to get out of here. We're sealed inside. There must be another exit. The inner chamber. This way. There must be a way out deeper in the crypt. Here we go. The Masonic symbol of ascension. God bless the Freemasons. Crane, how positive are you about this pyramid being booby-trapped? Seventy percent. No, 60. No, no, 65. Lieutenant, shoot the lever. Aah! Go! Go! Henry. I'm fine. Crane, you need to know before he died, Brooks begged me to destroy that map. He said Moloch would use it to win the war. Forget the prophecy. It's your call. I keep asking myself the same question over and over again: What would I do if this had nothing to do with freeing Katrina? What's the answer? Forgive me, my love. Mr. Crane. If using this map meant betraying your trust that's something I cannot do. For the world. For our friendship. You and I will choose our own destiny. We have free will. I choose to forge my fate with you. I promise you we are going to save her. I shall hold you to that, lieutenant. I told them to stock the place with your favorite ice cream. Which is? All of them. Ha, ha. Macey has the highest grades in her class. You're amazing, Bean. I'm sorry. You deserve better. You know, if you would have told me that a year ago, you'd still be living in this house. It was me. I killed Jason Boland and Devon Jones. Frank. I'm confessing. You might wanna get a witness. Find me. Please. Free me from this place. We will defeat Moloch, and we will be together again. I swear. Katrina? Katrina! Good morrow, sir. Uh, good morrow. Katrina. Oh. Oh. Uh... Madam, I mistook you for... - "somebody else. - On, that's quite all right. Your coat and tie-front shin. Such attention to detail, sir. Did you make them yourself? Where am I? We are near the headwaters of Lake Champlain. We've just joined with Marquis De Montcalm's mercenary force to repel the 43rd Highland Regiment. Of course. I have not yet awoken from last night's slumber. Pardon? This is a dream, madam. And a rather inaccurate one, at that. It was the 42nd Regiment and that event transpired in 1758 well before the war began. Wow, dude. Dude? It's a reenactment. Just, you know, relax. Go with it. A reenactment? Uh-huh. Of a war? Hey, Phil. For amusement? I get it. It's your first time. You're actually supposed to be in the official outfit so, what size are you? You sell clothing? Yes. Maybe fate has led me to you after all. Oh. You are not supposed to have your cell phone on you... - Okay. - Hello. It's Henry Parrish. I'm sorry to call so early, Ichabod, but there's a matter of some urgency. I need to see you and Ms. Mills right away. It's quite dire. You bought the same exact outfit? Does this mean we can finally give away that ratty coat? Please. And risk it being worn ironically by purveyors of artisanal marmalade who discovered it at a local thrift shop? I thank you, no. For judge a man not by the wear of what he wears but by the where and how he wears it. They scheduled Irving's hearing for this morning. I told Cynthia I'd get down there. But Parrish will be here momentarily. He emphasized the urgency. Irving just signed a confession to the murders of Devon Jones and Father Boland. I think that falls under the "urgency" category too. - He confessed to protect Macey. - Yet they are both innocent. Surely our criminal justice system can account for that. You're talking to the girl who spent a decade in Tarrytown Psychiatric. I'm afraid there's no time for pleasantries, friends. I believe on this day Moloch will seek to unleash hell on Earth. That's one way to enter a room. This morning, I awoke from a terrible dream. It was a premonition. I have them on occasions. In my vision, I saw Moloch surrounded by four white trees. And he was raising something from the earth. A creature of some kind. What did the creature look like? I couldn't see its face. Only a taloned hand, covered in dirt. And then I saw fragments. Images, like pieces of a puzzle. A man on a flaming horse riding against a solar eclipse. And a voice said... "Come and see." And then another horse came forth, of fiery red. Its rider was given the power to take peace from the earth. And to make men slay each other. To him was given a large sword. The second of Four Horsemen. War. Of course. Moloch's riddle. The saint's name is a sign. When you know my meaning war will take form. Any chance this was just a bad dream? I'm afraid not. The celestial calendar confirms there will be a solar eclipse by day's end today. It can't be a coincidence. Thirteen years to the day? - I'm afraid you've lost me. - Today marks the anniversary of the day they first encountered Moloch. There was an eclipse that day too. Then I fear Ms. Mills is correct. This is more than mere coincidence. My friends it appears that war is coming to Sleepy Hollow. Today. Lieutenant Mills? I'm sorry, I saw you come in. Cynthia said meet her here. There's been a change in venue. Wait, Irving's gone already? Transferred him upstate. He left this for you. Thank you. "Check the marked pages." Lieutenant, perfect timing. You're going to like this. Found something? You haven't heard the plan yet. A plan to stop the Second Horseman? According to hidden messages encoded within Washington's Bible a binding spell cast upon the soil from which the Second Horseman will emerge may prevent him from entering this realm. Witchcraft. When am I gonna ever stop being surprised? Unfortunately, all the witches we've encountered are now deceased. With the exception, of course, of Ichabod's wife. Who's in Purgatory. And we burned the only existing map. Wait for it. The unexpected blessings of an eidetic memory. I was able to redraw the map. You lied. A half-truth. A half-truth is a whole lie. All right, I lied. Yet I had no intention of using this map without your consent. And Katrina is the only one who can stop the Second Horseman. Show me. Admit it. You appreciate me a little. Microscopically. Observe. The map is a cross-section of leg: lines... Naturally forming pathways said to be of historical and sometimes spiritual significance. Let me guess. There's a ley line in Sleepy Hollow. They converge on what appears to be a dirt road that cuts through forest land. Now, recall, if you will, the words of General Washington. Which one? Zombie Washington or father of the free world? The general said the battle between good and evil would be won or lost on a township that took its name from the hallowed ground on which it lay. A doorway between worlds. He was referring to this. This spot here. The gateway to Purgatory. And my way back to Katrina. What about the rest of Moloch's riddle? The saint's name? Irving may have gotten us a lead. Since all of this began with Corbin and Reverend Knapp he pulled Knapp's things from the impound, found this date book logging meetings between the two of them. Father. Sheriff. They were working together? Corbin doesn't mention his name in hard files, but he's got the audio. I need you to start digging. There's hours of tapes. I'll never get through them. Only lead we have. Whatever they were onto, it's in there. Can I talk to you for a second? You're really gonna do this? Just walk into Purgatory so Crane can get his wife back? Did I miss a backup plan? You've forgotten, Moloch guards Purgatory. Really? Was that his name? Who ripped our lives in half. Crane would hand over your soul. I want to stop running from this bastard. Don't you? Aren't you tired of being afraid? I don't wanna be a victim anymore. I want to face him. For me. It's for us. Do you remember the dollhouse we found in the Dumpster behind our house? When we were little. The dollhouse. Dad would be drunk. Mom talking to the silverware. We'd go upstairs lock the door and play with it, and you said: "We're okay. Just pretend. Pretend this is our house. This is where we'll always be safe." I believed you. And then you went away. Jenny. I don't wanna lose you again. I can't. Listen to me. It's taken me a while to come to terms with what happened to us. To me. What it really means. That you're a witness. With a capital "W." I'm not gonna lose you again. I need you to have faith. I have more than faith. I'm a mental patient with a gun. If you're not back by sunset, I will come hunt you down. Come back to me. It'll be okay. Can you feel it? The air feels somehow different here. GPS says we're close. Now is probably a good time to ask. How are we gonna find Katrina once we get in? Your ancestors' church, Grace and Joseph. Katrina said she visits the echo of that church every day. And I light a candle in memoriam, and I pray for his soul. On the bright side we'll get to experience life after death within our lifetime. That is a pretty dark bright side. You must not take this lightly. Purgatory is a maze of temptation. If you're offered food or drink, you must not accept. The reality you're presented will seem entirely true. Every part of you will want to embrace it. But if you do you will be trapped there for eternity. Imprisoned in Purgatory forever. This is where the lines converge. Washington inscribed this incantation here meant to summon a doorway to Purgatory. And when you've found Katrina repeat the words, and the doorway will reopen returning you here. We gotta move. Henry. You okay? I've come to care deeply about you both. You gave me a reason to hope again. And now I implore you to cling to that hope. Remember your link with each other. Purgatory will try to make you forget it. But hold on to each other in your hearts and nothing can separate you. You were chosen for this moment. I look forward to meeting your wife. And I to introducing you. We, the penitent with humble heart upon this threshold do summon thee. In mirrored form appear a gateway to the world between worlds. Crane? Abbie. Ah, you're awake. How you feeling, kid? Hey, Abbie. How are you both here? You're dead. Dead? Shoot. Why doesn't anybody ever tell me these things? Where is Crane? What are you talking about? Ichabod Crane. Okay, honey, you need to take it easy. Mm. You got hit in the head pretty hard. You got a concussion. Sit down, take it easy. Doctor said that dizziness, memory loss... "hallucinations, all normal side effects after you wake up. He furloughed you from training so you could recover here. Furloughed? From Quantico. FBI Academy. You got knocked out in a live fire exercise. You remember any of it? I was at the academy? Mm-hm. Top of your class. Shocker. Ha, ha. You left us all in the dust. This guy kicks my ass every week because he misses you so much. You just need to take it easy. They say that your place is secure. You're gonna graduate. Right now you just need to rest. Okay? Ah, there's my girl. Mm. I miss you so much. Mm. I'm supposed to remember something. Lieutenant? There he is. Welcome home, old chap. Father. Welcome, son. After years of service to His Majesty's army abroad, you've returned home a hero to your country. Cornwallis himself said the Battle of Yorktown could not have been won without your decisive command. - But the British lost. Ha-ha-ha. Still a little lightheaded, I see. No doubt. I don't understand. You've been granted a full professorship with all its attendant perquisites. Because of you, the Crane name will live on in these hallowed halls. A chain of unbroken purpose. Have you nothing to say? When I turned against England you swore you'd never speak to me again. You disavowed me as your son. Heh. Ichabod, you... You rum-beggar. Even as a boy your imagination always skewed toward the Greek tragedies. You are and always will be a child after my own heart. I love you, my boy. And now, libation. Apple pie à la mode. You got about five minutes before that hot, crispy crust... Comes together with the ice cream... - ...and melts into a warm, soupy mess. - Ha, ha. First time I took you to that diner I knew you were destined for something great. That you were gonna matter. I was gonna play a part somehow. So damn proud of you. Ah. But first, pie. Right? Yeah. Mm. Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh. Damn, boss. You missed your calling. Yeah. Eat up, kid. Just like old times, huh? Never thought I'd say this in a million years. I just wanna go back to the way it was before. I'm afraid neither of us can. This isn't real. This isn't real. Where do you think you're going, Abbie? You're not Corbin. Oh. Now, you sit back down at this table and eat the damn pie, you hear me? Abbie, it hurts. Please don't let him take my soul. Don't leave me here, kid. Please. I once offered that when you have your own child remember, he'll follow your example more than your advice. Which is why I'm so deeply proud to say and to see you've done both. Cheers. I used to imagine I'd be a professor in my own right. Yet upheld by his pride for me. This is a dream. This is a dream. It's true, then? You choose to forsake all I've given you? To turn your back on your heritage? On your future? On me? This is not m}; future. You are not my father. Drink what I offer or you will be sent to Coventry, forgotten disowned, a Crane no longer. I've felt the pain of your shunning once before. And I loved you nonetheless. Yet my answer remains no. Still no evidence found for that fire on Milford. Probably nothing. March 21st, found a dead body with a strange tattoo on the back of his head. Definitely some kind of symbol, but nothing I've ever seen before. I found an old pamphlet from an antiques dealer in town named Adams. Circa 1781. Talks about a sermon at a church named Trinity outside of town. Now, this church has been abandoned for over a hundred years. When I called Reverend Knapp to find out what he knew about it he insisted that we meet in person. I think the answer might be somewhere in the ruins of this old church. Excuse me. Miss? Crane. This isn't real. Our surroundings may be an illusion yet I assure you, I am the genuine article. Yet what assurance do I have that you are as well? After we trapped the Horseman, what did I teach you? It does serve a purpose after all. I guess we survived our first test. Huh. Temptation. When I remembered you, I saw this world for what it truly is. Same. Parrish said our link to each other was the key. And now we must find Katrina. I recognize these woods. It's where I first found Katrina. What the hell? A form of hell, it would seem. Lost souls searching for salvation. My love. No, no, no. I begged you never to return here. What do you know of the secrets of Washington's Bible? Only that he wanted to ensure that it found its way with you. Among its revelations it holds a map allowing us to summon a doorway to and from this place. Now, the Second Horseman will ride into the mortal realm this very day, and you can stop him. You'll finally be free from this place. We're gonna bring you home. No, I can't. Sure, you can. We'll help pack. No soul can leave this place without being granted forgiveness. To leave without it would break down walls between the worlds. I can't accept that. We didn't come this far to get dinged by some metaphysical technicality. We're not leaving without you. With war's arrival, our destruction is assured either way. What are you not saying? There's no time for indecision, my love. There is an alternative. One that requires a sacrifice of great cost. One I cannot ask. Spill it. My soul can leave this realm but only if another were to take my place. Please, I beg you both. Leave before none of us can. If one of us is to remain here in order to set you free it shall be me. No, it's me. That is not an option. I have to face him, Crane. Moloch. I can't keep running away. I won't. Lieutenant. I'm not asking for permission. You didn't ask for mine when you decided to end your life before you knew Parrish could separate you from the Horseman. But then you very wisely convinced me there is always another way. This is the only way. We were chosen for this. To sacrifice ourselves so that humanity can endure. So that people can choose their destiny. It's my turn, Ichabod. Moloch warned that I would deliver you to him, and here we are. If we do this, his prophecy will be fulfilled. We're out of time. This amulet was bound by the Sisterhood of the Radiant Heart. It will protect you from Moloch. I will not allow you to remain here for long. Once we've stopped war's arrival, I will return to set you free. I'm counting on it. I swear to you for as long as I can draw breath... Our work is not done. You will come back for me. That I know. Remember our bond. I'll come back for you. Faith. Go. Go. Repeat these words: We, the pen/tent, with humble heart... We, the penitent, with humble heart... Upon this threshold do summon thee. Upon this threshold do summon thee. In mirrored form appear.... In mirrored form appear.... A gateway to the world between worlds. Ichabod. Where's Abigail? Katrina could not be freed unless another soul assumed her place. Moloch's prophecy. I will be back for her. You son of a bitch. It's just you and me now. Now you are mine. I was never yours, and I never will be. Ichabod! Ichabod. Is this real? Am I truly here? Yes, my love. Excuse me. My name is Henry Parrish. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mrs. Crane. You're the Sin Eater. We must hurry. The eclipse is near. You said you foresaw Moloch pull a creature from the ground in these woods. Can you find the location? A path-binding spell should guide us to our destination. Ahh, my power's weakened. It's been centuries since I've used it here. Northeast. That is where we must go. I married a witch. How cool. It is a figure of speech. You'll learn. Come. Okay, old man. I'm here. What do you want me to find? We're here. I sense the presence of a great evil. She's right. Look. Just as they were in my vision. And in mine. This is where the Second Horseman will emerge. My dig into the church's history indicates it changed owners over the course of two centuries and was renamed several times before it was eventually abandoned. But its last recorded title seems to have disappeared from the county files. Great. Waste of time. I'm starting to believe there's no such thing as a coincidence around here. Why would someone want to hide an abandoned church's name? Goose chase. You've reached Lieutenant Mills. Please leave a message. Abbie, it's me. God, I hope you're okay. I figured out Moloch's warning. The saint's name is a sign. He meant it literally. Whatever you do, you can't trust... Hey. Come in. We're having a tea party. Where am I? The place we've always felt most safe. Moloch can't get to you in here. There's a reason you can't remember what happened in the woods. After we saw him rise up from behind the trees... - We blacked out. - No. We saw more. Much more. I don't understand. The reason you can't remember what happened next is because we're your memory. Moloch took us out of your head. You and Jenny both. What do you mean, took you out? To make you forget the truth. That's why we've been locked away here. So you wouldn't find us. The eclipse is nearly complete. Soon the Second Horseman will rise. The binding spell isn't working. What do you mean? This ground. I feel nothing beneath it. If the Second Horseman was supposed to be here it's gone. It's here. I assure you. Do you know the etymology of the word "apocalypse"? To disclose or reveal. That time has come. Henry? Stop! Leave her be! Damn you! You're in no position to make demands. I suggest you stop struggling. Your power is nothing compared to mine. We trusted you. You needed faith, my dear Ichabod and I gave it to you. Both of you. In your desire to be reunited. And to Abigail, who so desperately needs to believe there's a purpose to her pain. See, faith is a pillar of human nature. The belief that all will end well if we just cling on to it with all our might. And it is what blinds us to what's right in front of us all along. It was you who appeared to me in Purgatory. Of course it was. I planted the simple seed in your fertile mind. The first glimmer of hope in over two centuries the Sin Eater. It was you that brought us together. All I had to do was play my part. So long I've hoped for this day to find the reason for what I've been given. The reason is you. I gave you the answer so many times. I practically spelled it out for you. A good puzzle misleads you. It sends you in one direction fools you into thinking you know what's going on but once you've discovered the trick you see that there's often a hidden meaning. Who are you? And still you see so little. Don't you know? Can't you guess? An emissary of Moloch? Oh, I'm much more than that. Your binding spell had no effect because there was nothing to bind. The Second Horseman was unearthed over a decade ago on this very day under the darkening sun. And as Moloch prophesied he has waited all this time to take form. We saw Moloch appear from behind the trees. It wasn't an accident that he was in the forest that day. He came for a reason. Just like we were sent there to stop him. What do you mean, we were sent there? Why was Moloch in the woods? I need to know. What did I see? It's you. You are the Second Horseman. Just like Abraham once was a mortal man before he became Death. Only half-mortal. I am, after all what you made me Mother and Father. No. Jeremy? You died. Murdered by my mother's own coven. Condemned as an orphaned wayward warlock and left to wither in a plain pine box. But my blood our blood was strong enough to breathe life back into my lungs just as it gave my beloved Golem life when I was a child. Your son's blood is your blood. You knew my blood would destroy it. And yet you allowed me to kill it. Sometimes those we love must be sacrificed on the altar of a higher purpose. You survived the death hex. Death would've been a merciful gift compared with what followed. For two centuries lying weakened in this dark prison. Feeding on the vines that crept in alongside of me. Crying out to the pitiless god that put me there and to the two who abandoned me to eternal suffering. Then, after two centuries, I heard a voice. The voice of my true father, offering salvation. Jeremy Moloch is not your father. He is a prince of lies. He came and took me out of the earth. God sent a witness to try and stop me, but she was not yet strong enough. We defeated her then, and we have defeated her now. I have to find a way out of here. I have to help them. It's too late. The doorway's closed. I don't think that you understand. I have to find a way home. This is your home now, Abbie. This is your home. You invented an entire family history even your name. No, no, no. No, my name, that was given to me by God's grace. The very church where you abandoned me as a child was the first place I saw upon my resurrection. So I took the saint's name to spite him. Jeremy, listen to me, I beg you we are all children in the absence of our parents. Believe me, I know this to be true. You know nothing! Every choice I made, I made it to protect you. I spent two centuries under the earth for your choices. And she spent two centuries in Purgatory suffering the consequences! Look. This is our first family spat. You cannot fathom how meaningless your words are to me. Now that the two witnesses are separated there is nothing to stop us breaking the second seal and fulfilling a promise made long ago to an old friend. She's finally yours, Abraham. Pleasant dreams. No, Katrina! Don't you dare...! No! No! Katrina! Now you'll know what it's like to lose faith. When it's gone, you have nothing. When you have nothing there is nothing holding you back from what you're capable of. Behold, the second seal. No! Don't! War isn't coming to Sleepy Hollow. It's been here waiting all along. Now it begins. Goodbye, Father. No! No! No! Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste Ripped By mstoll Hm? Huh? Hazuki wins! What's this? They say that endless beauty will be bestowed upon whoever finds this treasure. Beauty? I'm not sure I need that. You daft? What do you mean daft? ! You might not need it but there are tons of other girls out there who would. I guess I could make some coin. come on. This grave sucks. How's it going over there? What's wrong? We've found tons. You guys... Where did you find that? It was right over there. I don't want to be rude Loana... Call me leader... Leader! too! Look. Those who find this will obtain eternal beauty. What do you think? right? You're plenty attractive as is. the greedier she is. Right. right? It's a treasure map. but it's obviously fake— Stop whining and follow me. Heave! Heave! Heave! you're going to believe that? I'm not sure. Eternal beauty... There's nothing out there like that. They just wanted to cheat you out of the rent. Who cares? It'll be fun to search for treasure on an uninhabited island. But... can you swim? Huh? I guess. That works. There we go. Pia. You think so? I got this. I'll go get some more. Proprietress? I don't understand... They say you're a goddess. You can understand them? It's similar to the language they speak back at my grandmother's place in the sticks. In the sticks... where exactly? We apologize for being so violent with you as you're such a goddess. we'd like to show you our village so please come with us. He said all of that? won't you? What's wrong? I can't go any further. It's not like you're the one doing any work here. But... I guess people do get hungry. This is weird. We're been traveling for two days already. probably. Show me. Let's see. Hm... Huh? Loana. Leader. Leader. We're underground right now but according to the map this should be the ocean. Huh? Where did I make a mistake? Uh? Doru? I mean Leader. Look at that. Loana— Run! I thought we were dead. We're looking for this place... You know it? so it'd be great if you had something to eat. I'm sure they'll take us some place with food. Proprietress... You scared? N-Not at all. It's pretty small in— but I guess I was wrong. what's going on here? ! You mean these? I see. What's going on? They want us to prove we're not hostile. What? They want us to go unarmed? Just copy the local style. A lake? Who knew this was here... stop it! Seems they want us to wash ourselves here. I see. we need to purify ourselves. I'm sure we worked up a sweat with that journey so this is perfect. You guys! Copy the local style. We won't peek in on you. Can I really believe that? I'm not sure I like being dressed like this. Local style. I'm sure it's better than wearing our dirty clothes. All right. We're off. huh? So we're finally here. We can get some food! what's that? They've already gotten food ready! Seems they've got a great party going on for us. I'm sure they don't get too many visitors from other places. but no food yet. what are they... Gil. Yeah? Doru. Yeah? but... You think the food is... I see what's going on. Don't mess with— Huh? I have no clue what he's saying. It sounds like he's worshiping you. Like you're some sort of god. This is some party they've thrown us. Goddess. Sounds almost silly when you consider they were just trying to assault us. supposedly. That's a lively fish. I thought I secured him properly! You really need to shape up! Y-You're going to blame me? ! It's always your fault. I was the one who saw your wife first! She rejected you! Why bring that up now? ! you don't have to translate any more. Now you've done it! That's a pretty rare fish. is that... Take that! And this! And this! Proprietress... Hold it! I thought I was going to die. Proprietress. Now I smell like fish. Hey! it's been a while. Why were you in that fish? Well... Am I lost? Yay! Hazuki... Pia. Everyone said I was a goddess but I think there's more to it. I overheard them speaking but it sounds like they want to marry you off. Since you're so beautiful. They can call me beautiful all they want. Why just the Proprietress for the bride? ! What about Hazuki? They said a drunk that goes wild when she drinks won't make a good wife. What's that? Is this the treasure map? So you were trying to get girls that would make good brides into the village since you don't have many females here... That's why you were giving out those fake maps. We couldn't help it. Please forgive us. It's fine. it's not! then so is the eternal beauty. that we really have. There's a hot spring near by you can get eternal beauty. A hot spring... Seriously? All right! Let's go to this hot spring! This is amazing. This is nice. look at that! That's the goddess of this place. that's why. Why didn't they think I was a goddess? That's because you— Not another word! Hm? Proprietress? Loana? What are you doing here? too? ! too? too? let's take a bath first. what's going on with these guys? Well it doesn't look like we're going to take a nice bath together. This is this island's one attraction. They want to use this hot spring to bring people here. These guys and those monster fish have been fighting over this place for a long time now. And now all of these guys are part of the Pleasure Gang. don't you? As their leader I have to protect their land. What? This is going to be a pain. Here I come. Give me that. Everyone's having fun. what troublesome kittens do we have here. It's kind of loud out there. Doru. no matter what. yeah. Do you know how much trouble we're going to get into if we see her naked? ! M-Money! Money! Wait! No! we know you're in there! Come out! Do you want us to break down this door? ! I understand it's probably tough running this place by yourself. But we need our money back! I don't want to be poor... I don't want to be poor... I don't want... I don't want to be poor! What's that? I'm sorry! Hurry up and eat your fish. Okay. I got rid of that fish while my mom wasn't looking... All fish started to hate me because of that... I'm sorry! Forgive me! I won't do that again! Money! Money! I think I just heard Loana... I'm just going to pretend I didn't. Yeah. I don't want to be poor! Huh? I... I... Alka! Why did we see those illusions? Poison. Heaven's spirits? I see... So that's why. Becoming beautiful might just be another illusion that one of those flowers give. but why are you here? The same reason. too? ! Alka's blushing. Yay! I guess that marks day eight. Yahoo! Good idea. Please have dinner be something other than fish. Thanks. but... There's nothing... here... everyone! Let's play! 0000 BEEPING Definitely still something in there. I knew it! It's a piece of shrapnel, I can feel it. Well, meter's saying small bronze coin, possibly Georgian, but it's a bit of an iffy signal. Doctors are refusing to believe me, reckon I'm making a fuss. ~ How's it feel? ~ Nah, it's not too bad. I was lucky I was wearing my triple-weave combat protectives. ~ You were quite a way from the crater. ~ Yeah, blew me about 40ft. ~ Were you running? ~ No. No, it was the blast. ~ So, when do you get out? ~ Couple of days. They want to make sure that the cuts aren't infected. Well, they better get the shrapnel out. You can't go detecting with metal in your leg, you'll get a signal every other step. That's why Barry Sheen had to call it a day. ~ Who'd have thought, eh? Mr Health and Safety? ~ Yeah, all right, Russ. ~ Of all the people. ~ Do you know what type of bomb it was? It was just your basic Luftwaffe FLAM C500 incendiary, Hugh. ~ Cool. ~ Hmm. Well, there's a lesson here for everyone. Oh, what's that, Russ? Don't dig up bombs? Don't detonate bombs. He's right, you know. I'm losing my touch. It's a rookie mistake. First day of metal detecting school. I thought that was don't detect in a thunderstorm. They get through a lot on that first day. ~ Perhaps it's time to hang up the old detector. ~ What? ! ~ No! What's more, it may be time to hand over the presidency. Really? For more than a decade, I have shared in the turbulent history of this club. I have tried to the best of my ability to discharge those duties that were entrusted to me. And now, having finished the work assigned me, I retire from the great theatre of action. And bidding... Hang on, that's the George Washington resignation speech. Doesn't matter, it's relevant. And bidding an affectionate farewell to this august body, I here offer my commission... and take leave of all the employments of public life. HUGH CLAPS ~ Thank you. ~ APPLAUSE Thank you. So, who's going to take over? Well, that's for you to decide. But I would suggest Andy as the new leader. ~ What does it involve? ~ Buying a new jar of Nescafe every three months. ~ It's more than that, Russell! ~ Every four months. Look, there are subscriptions to collect. We've got seven members. There are talks and rallies to organise, there are permissions to secure... I think Andy is the man to lead this club forward. Er... thanks, Terry. I'll... I'll certainly think about it. Good. Now, if you don't mind, thank you all for coming, but I would like to get some rest. ~ Let us know if you need anything, Terry. ~ Take away those pillows. I shall need them no more. ~ Lewis Carroll. ~ Get out! TERRY INHALES SHARPLY Erm... Terry? ~ Yes, Hugh? ~ If they get that piece of shrapnel out... It's yours, mate. Thanks, Terry. Cheers. BIRDSONG But why me? You're studying archaeology. He sees you as legit. Why would I want to be president of the DMDC? Think of the power. Are you serious? What power? The power to lord it over Russell and Hugh? The power to collect £3.50 off them every quarter? No, I'm talking about the power to change the club, turn it into something worthwhile. You could get that bloke to be patron. ~ What bloke? ~ You know, "I have a cunning plan." ~ Sir Tony Robinson? ~ Is he a sir? Yeah, show some respect. We could get fleeces with DMDC embroidered on 'em. I doubt you could buy them in batches of less than 50. ~ Well, then advertise, increase the membership. ~ Just to fill the fleeces? No, to increase our clout, increase our influence. The antique researchers are officially affiliated with the Colchester Museum. They get to be official detectorists on any dig in the county. We could be sitting on something bigger than Sutton Hoo here. Yeah, if we could turn our club into something more professional, then we could oust them from their position. Yeah. Mount a dirty-smears campaign. Eww! It's just a smear campaign. You're thinking of a dirty protest. Whatever. Here. Oh, nice! Anyway, I need to get down there again. I know. I'm working a lot this week. ~ Can't wait too long. ~ Yeah. ~ I'll find some time. Don't go down there without me. ~ Nope. OK. ~ Becky talking to you again? ~ Just about. It was just a misunderstanding. I think she was drunk. Oh, didn't seem drunk. No, but she was being sick the next morning, that's a sure sign. No... everything's fine. Good. So we're all up for quiz night on Friday? ~ Don't see why not. ~ That's good, we need her geography knowledge. Right, not her company and conversation? Just as long as she knows the longest river in Azerbaijan. ~ I'm thinking of inviting Sophie down, actually. ~ What? Whose team would she be on? Ours. You're allowed up to four members in a team. But it's you, me and Becks. It's always been us. You know, just the three of us, the old team, that's what makes it so impressive when we win. It'll only be the once. I want Becky and Sophie to be friends. Right, well, good luck with that one, then. ~ What do you mean? ~ Well, I just think you're on thin ice, could find yourself in some hot water. But it's always been you, me and Lance, just the three, the old team. Well, you're allowed up to four members on a team and I think you'd like her if you got to know her. ~ I don't particularly want to get to know her. ~ Why not? ~ Well, she's a floozy. ~ A floozy? I haven't heard that word in years. ~ She's a dolly bird. ~ You sound like your mum. Sorry. Sorry, you don't sound like your mum, you've never sounded like your mum. That was wrong of me. I've just never heard you use words like "floozy" and "dolly bird" before. Anyway, the point is by saying that you don't want to know Sophie, you're basically saying that you still believe something's going on between me and Sophie. And, by your own admission, you don't believe that any more. ~ SHE SIGHS ~ Christ! What is all this stuff? It weighs a tonne. End of term presents from the kids, ~ mainly candles and World's Best Teacher mugs. ~ Can't we dump it? ~ No, what if somebody found it? ~ They couldn't trace it back to you. Hello? World's Best Teacher. ~ Good point. ~ Did you go the hospital? Yeah, he's fine, just cuts and bruises. He's loving it, actually, enjoying the drama. He's resigned the club presidency. ~ Wow! I'll alert the media. ~ SHE LAUGHS ~ Does that mean the end of the DMDC? ~ No, why should it? Well, who's going to be stupid enough to want to take over as president? ~ You're not? ~ Why not? Oh, God! ~ What ~ possible ~ reason could you have for wanting to be president of the Danbury Metal Detecting Club? ! ~ I'd say it was an ego thing but there are only six members. ~ Seven. Being the glorious leader of six socially awkward geeks ~ isn't going to boost anyone's ego. ~ Seven. Lance says we can increase membership and then have more power and influence in the archaeological world. ~ SHE LAUGHS ~ Power and influence? ! You're deluded! Lance says we can ask Sir Tony Robinson to be patron. ~ Who? ~ Baldrick off of Blackadder. ~ Is he a sir? ~ Yes! Why would he ever agree to that? Because he's a champion of archaeology and archaeologists. But you're not archaeologists, you're a bunch of hobbyists! You are amateur metal detectors! Detectorists. ~ Lance says... ~ CROCKERY CLATTERS ~ You don't want to hear what Lance says, do you? ~ No! I just see little enough of you as it is! And when I do, you're either caked in mud or smelling of scout hall! It was the last day of term today, I'm a teacher, I get a stupidly long summer holiday, I wanted to go away somewhere, somewhere good, somewhere with a swimming pool! But we can't afford it! Maybe we can go away somewhere crap instead? ! Just let us find this ship burial and I'll take you wherever you want to go. ~ Simple as that? ~ Simple as that. And, in the meantime, I'll take you to the Two Brewers for quiz night. Does it have a swimming pool? ~ Hmm, I'm not sure. ~ SHE GROANS ~ SHE SIGHS ~ OK. Sounds good. SQUEAKING LANCE SINGS ALONG TO RADIO ♪ And the operator says 40 cents more ♪ For the next three minutes ♪ Please, Mrs Avery I've just got to talk to her ~ PHONE RINGS ~ ♪ I'll only keep her a while... ♪ MUSIC OFF Yeah, hello? I can't do it, mate, I'm taking Mags and her mum to Bingo. Oh, what? I changed my shift especially. Well, why can't her new bloke take them? She uses you. She bloody does. No, she bloody doesn't. I want to help her. I can do tomorrow. Don't worry about that, Bishop's given us permission. It's still our land. Yeah, well, I'm sorry. She asked me and I... I didn't feel I could let her down. All right, whatever. Yeah, maybe. All right, see ya. PHONE RINGS Hey, Sophie. Guess what I've got? Technetic's UO Tech. No, second hand. Nearly new. Unwanted Christmas present, apparently. So, when are we going out? Oh, I dunno. Lance is busy and we sort of said we wouldn't. Yeah. No, I suppose it couldn't hurt. All right, what time? All right, see you there. Whoa! Terry had a lucky escape. Yeah, but at least he got an anecdote out of it. Well, look at me. Very nice. You're one of us now. ~ Just need some camouflage. ~ Why do detectorists wear camouflage? ~ To hide from predators. ~ Of course. ~ So what are we looking for? ~ A Saxon king. ~ Sexred of the Saxons? ~ You got it. ~ Well, what's he look like? ~ About yay high, beard, buried in a ship. ~ OK. So, this is your discrimination, that differentiates between metals, so you won't get a signal when you go over iron. And this here sets your ground balance. ~ Yeah, yeah, boring. Come on, let's go. ~ Whoa! Slow down. You've got to know these things or you'll spend your whole time ~ digging holes with nothing in the bottom of 'em. ~ Bollocks! Set it to treasure and let's go get rich. What happened to you? What happened to the girl who was interested in local history? It's not about finding treasure, it's about finding... Buttons and ring-pulls? No thank you. Show me to the non-ferrous metals. ~ Unbelievable! ~ First pre-decimal coin buys the drinks! SHUTTER CLICKS REPEATEDLY ♪ I knew no vices and I knew no sin ♪ I knew the words but they didn't sink in ~ ♪ Stayed out those tunnels that pull people down ~ BEEPING ~ ♪ There's more of those tunnels in your home town ~ BEEPING ♪ Fell far from grace ♪ So far I couldn't see ♪ And, oh, underground, I wasn't that far from the tree ♪ We're all digging if you want to know ♪ Fixing, digging far too slow ♪ Far too slow ♪ We dug for money, We shovelled four tonnes ♪ And the end wasn't funny, Though we'd all had fun ♪ Limping and broken, The tunnel fell in ♪ I've been limping from tunnels Since my original sin ♪ Birthright's a trouble ♪ My father dug, too ♪ He got where he was going At the age of 62 ♪ We're all digging, If you want to know ♪ Fixing, digging far too slow ♪ Far too slow. ♪ BEEPING SQUEAKING You won't believe the photo I just took of you. Oh, my God! SHE GASPS You found your gold! I found my gold. Oh, dear. I think we're going to get told off. Basically, good news and bad news. What's the bad news? MOD have turned up, site's out of bounds. They're doing geophys to determine whether there's any more unexploded subsoil ordinance. Well, just as long as they don't find anything pre-1940. How did you find out? Did you phone Bishop? Well, that's where the good news comes in. Wait for it. Da-dah! What's that? ! Gold Stata. Well, I know what it is. Where did you get it? Bishop's farm, not far from the crater. You went there without me? Well, yeah. I know we sort of said, but I didn't think you'd mind ~ and we certainly didn't expect... ~ We? ! Who's "we"? Me and Sophie. She bought a detector, she wanted to try it out. ~ I didn't think you'd mind. ~ Well, I do mind! I do mind you went to Bishop's farm without me when you said you wouldn't. I do mind you went with Sophie. And I do mind you found your first gold with her and not with me. ~ Come on, mate. ~ Did you do a dance? ~ No. ~ We always said we'd do a dance when we first found gold. Yeah, well, it didn't seem right without you there. Didn't want to feel un-cool in front of your new girlfriend? ~ She's not my girlfriend. ~ Why don't you do it now? ~ What, dance? ~ Yeah. ~ What, here? ~ Yeah. ~ No. ~ Go on, dance. ~ Don't want to. ~ Well, why don't you get out of my flat, then? ~ Come on! No, go on. I've got stuff to do. We still doing the quiz? ~ Yeah. Yeah, I'm doing the quiz, yeah. ~ Oh, good. ~ But not with you. ~ What? ! ~ You've got a new detecting partner, ~ she can be your new quiz partner an' all. ~ Come on, mate. No, I'll find my own team. And while we're at it, I've decided to stand for club president, as well. We can't stand against each other, that's ridiculous. Pull out, then. Or, better still, whoever loses the quiz on Friday, they can pull out the presidency. ~ Who's your team? ~ Oh, I've got people. Intelligent people. ANDY SNIGGERS Get out! MURMURING CHATTER Two halves... for the ladies. ~ HE LAUGHS ~ And a pint for me. Cheers. Thanks, love. Why are you drinking girls' drinks, Lance? Watching the figure? ~ Driving. ~ Still got the old banger? ~ TR7's a classic. ~ Take no notice, Lance, he's just jealous. Jealous of the Yellow Peril? I don't need a penis extension to prove myself. It's not a penis extension, Tony, penis extensions are red. Idiot, you didn't have to break my glasses. My dad's gonna kill me! Here, now you can buy new glasses. Quit it, Roger. It's not our money. The cops aren't gonna let us keep it. We're not telling the cops, stupid. We're not telling anybody. I told you. We have to. God, Scotty, stop being such a wuss! I'm not being a wuss. I'm being smart. I'm being... normal. There's a dead guy back there. I'm going home, and I'm calling the cops! Scotty, I'm warning you. Screw you. You're not the boss of me! I didn't mean to hurt him. I just... I just... I just snapped. Yeah, just those... those bags of cash-- it just seemed like all the money in the world. I just didn't want nobody to take it. So you killed your best friend. No. I didn't kill him. I mean, I hit him. But he wasn't dead. Oh, come on, Tyson. He had a fractured skull. Stop playing these games with me. Tell me what happened out there. Somebody... somebody else was out there that day. We didn't know we'd been followed. Hey, guys! You guys better shut him up. Someone's coming. Damn it, Karen. Why do you always have to follow us? Didn't you hear what I said? There's a car coming. Shh. Damn it! No! So, you smothered him? Look, I felt bad. But in the moment, it was him or all of us. So, the three of you buried Scotty out in the desert along with that statue? We were worried someone would find him. But right away, the focus shifted to Lake Mead, so no one ever did. What happened to all that money? The cash? We hid it under the porch at Roger's house. Couple of months later, his grandmother fell asleep on the couch with a cigarette in her hand. Burned the house to the ground. So, Scotty died for nothing. We were just kids. Stupid kids. Yeah, well, you're not a kid anymore, Karen. Know what you are? You're a liar. I think you lied to us the last time you came in here. Think that you and Roger found that stone lion the other night, the two of you. You know what else I think? I think when you got to the cars something went wrong. That wasn't the deal, Roger. You said we'd split it 50/50. I said we'd split it; I didn't say how. You didn't even know the statue was worth anything until I told you. And you never would've found it without my father's photos. I'll cut you in for a finder's fee. Come on, Karen. What are you gonna do? You gonna kill me? Like you killed Scotty? Not a bad theory. Problem is, you don't have any evidence. My father always taught me: no evidence, no case. There is no way that we can get her for Scotty Gates' murder. She was 11 at the time, and we can't even conclude a cause of death. We have to get her for killing Roger Mathers. I know, but we don't have the evidence. And by the time we do, she will have covered her tracks. Sam? You looking for me? When Karen was a teenager, she used to go down to the creek bed behind our house. She had this little hiding place down there where she'd stash her cigarettes, thinking I-I didn't know. I took a look down there tonight. If this is what I think it is, your daughter can go to prison for a long time. Nine millimeter. Same caliber that killed Roger Mathers. All for this. You know, for years, I wondered if that thing really existed. Now, more than ever, I wish it hadn't. I thought I knew my little girl. I thought we had no secrets. For 25 years, she'd been hiding the truth from me. I don't understand it. I just... I'm sorry. I really am. You do everything you can for your kid. You-you give them everything. Everything. Including the power to break your heart. Captain, you wanted to know if there was news. Yeah. The swelling in Ellie's brain has subsided enough that we've reduced the medication. She is responsive now. She's awake? Yes. But still in recovery. I understand. Thank you, Doctor. They told me you were hovering. Yeah. I just want to, uh, make sure that you were... All right? We both know that that's not really possible. Why'd you even come? I guess I'm... just not ready to... give up on you, Ellie. This is not your fault. There's always been something wrong with me. You should just let me go. I've tried. Believe me. But I can't. I mean... you're all I have left. Look, I'm going to, uh... I'm gonna let you rest, let you sleep, okay? No. Stay. Please, Dad? Hey, Jim. Hmm. D.B., come in. Sit down. I hear Ellie's out of the woods. Yeah. Two of you able to talk? Yeah, we did. For a while. You all right? I am, actually. Can I buy you a drink? Yeah. Here you go. Happy days. Happy day. You're a little calmer than I thought you might be. You sure you're all right? Yeah, I just had a four-hour conversation with my daughter. That's something that hasn't happened to me in 15 years. We realize that we need each other. Even more now. I-I would be a little... little bit cautious if I were you. "Cautious"? What do you mean? You think she's trying to manipulate me-- is that it? I love her, D.B. I have to trust her. She's all I got. And I want to be there for her, I mean, really be there. Help her out, the way any father would. Good for you. And I hope it works out. I really do. Well, you and me both. And with a little luck, who knows? Okay. I think I'm gonna hit the road. Okay. Yeah. Want to walk out with me? No, I think I'm gonna hang out here for a while. I got to figure some things out. Okay. == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man What happens to this city? Either there is ash or smoke. Why doesn't anyone say anything? Why do they tolerate this smoke quietly? It's the limit to tolerance. Let douse cigarettes and cigars. There is ban on smoking on public places. You've to pay fine for it. Neither smoking nor let others smoking. Smoking costs dearly. Everyone desires happiness. But at what cost? Smoking costs dearly. Smoking is injurious to your health.. ..to your loves ones too. You've to pay dearly for smoking. Good morning, guys. - Good morning, sir What's happening? Sir, we're doing the lighting. Fine, fine. Mohit, what's up? How did you call me today? No, man. Shooting. GH Mills. Royal Mansions. It's a feature. What? Tonight? For what? Narration. Narration only? Okay. I'll be there. Ma'am, shot is ready. Scene 10 by Take 1. And...action! What happened to Madam, Get the water quickly. "Where do we go?" "Where do we go?" "Who will understand..." "..the sad story of the ghosts." "Where do we go?" "Where do we go?" "What's happening in the name of progress?" "What's happening in the name of progress?" "The bulldozer's razing down our homes." "Shopping malls and Multiplex.." "..are snatching our graves." "O Government, hear our plea." "Where do we go?" "Where do we go?" "There's no one with us." "There's no one with us." "Ghosts have become helpless." "We don't have the right to vote either." "Even the politicians shun us." "O Government, hear our plea." "Where do we go?" "Where do we go?" "Where do we go?" "Where do we go?" "Where do we go?" "Where do we go?" "Where do we go?" What a scary structure, right? So old and dilapidated. Yes. Most of the disputed properties in Mumbai are in the same condition. Aditya, Do you remember that Ragini incident? Yes, that ghost affair. - Yes. Just imagine. Ragini must be going through some serious PR crises. Why such cheap publicity? Today's marketing mantra is.. ..any publicity is good publicity. If you want to promote your film. And her act worked. Her story was all over. News, TV, internet. Everywhere. Ghost stories intrigue everyone. No wonder that such films are made and run successfully. What happened? I really don't understand. In Raaz 3, Esha Gupta knows.. ..that the house she's living in is haunted. So why doesn't she just leave? Tanya, if you try to find logic in the ghost stories. ..then you are going to see only ghosts at the box-office window. And Bhootnath, Amitabh Bachchan is a ghost.. ..who is visible to a kid, but not Juhi Chawla. And in the climax, even Juhi Chawla can see him. Again Logic. It is up to the ghost to decide.. ..who can see him and who cannot. Mostly ghosts are seen.. ..to those people who are in trouble. Or someone who create troubles for them. Get it? Good morning, sir. You.. - Raju, sir. Raju writer. Oh yes yes. What are you doing here? Sir, I was here to see location with someone... I saw you here then I thought to meet you. That's the real job of a struggling writer. So, what do you want? - Sir I want one single chance. Sir, I've a superhit idea, sir. Sir, just give me one hearing. Sir FIMFARE, ZEE, IIFA, TOIFA, ..Even the Lion's club award will be yours sir. Sir, just hear me once. You are here also... Ok leave from here.. Get out. Mr. Gupta, remember I came to your office. Yes, unwanted. - And I hugged you.. ..in your last film's success party. Remember, sir. - You had crashed the gate at the party. And gulped down the entire bottle. Now Just get out from here, or I'll make you regret it. Mr. Gupta, What else can you do with me? I've been struggling for 5 years.. ..but I couldn't get one break. No place to stay, no food to eat. But no problem, sir. The day will come soon when.. ..a lucky director will accept my story.. ..and make a super-duper blockbuster film. And then it will be your loss, sir, not mine. Because I might be unfortunate.. ..but I have hunger in me, I've confidence. If you're hungry, go and have some fritters. Get out. I will, sir. I will eat that. But remember one thing. Those who eat fritters during their bad phase.. ..They will be exorbitant at their good time. Bye, sir. I wonder how he got in here. Filmy strugglers are like unwanted messages. No matter how many times you delete them they keep coming. It is very frustrating. Aditya, this is Hemantbhai. He will take us around. Hi, Hemantbhai. I am Aditya, Hi and this is Tanya, my AD. Which is the latest film that you made? No feature film yet. No feature film yet. Nice title. Hemant, he makes commercials. It's important to make commercials.. ..otherwise people don't like it. Are you casting Salman? Hemantbhai, he wants to say that I make ad-films. Advertisement films. - I see. The things that bore you.. ..between TV serials and news. Frustrating. In 1932, the workers burned this mill down to the ground. Frustrating. And from 1985 till now.. ..around 50-60 films have been shot here. 100 years ago, Gaindamal.. ..built this mansion on the plot next to his mill. To entertain his British guests. After the Lingering doubt shoot.. ..he's been renting it out for shootings again. You're the first director.. ..who's come here after that incident. Otherwise it was closed for the last one year. No income. It was frustrating. Wow. What a mansion, Hemantbhai. - Thank you. I want to see every part of this mansion and mill. But I am here only for half an hour. Come, Tanya. Well there are many rooms here. What do you exactly want? We want a room and a verandah. And if we can get the terrace, that will be even better. Mr. Director, here's your verandah. And here's the terrace. Is this what you wanted? Wow, great. It's Beautiful. Now this is nice. Listen, here our actor will swing on a chair. Right here. - Okay. And then we'll get the entire city in the background. Then the scene will look great. Script and storyboard is in the laptop. Should I switch it on? My dear Script is always in the director's mind. I don't need a laptop. Once Sumit will come.. ..then we'll finalize our shot divisions. Cool. And before that, let's see the entire house. You go ahead, I'll be right there. Hemantbhai. These actors can do anything for publicity. Gupta, stop gossiping. - No, sir. I was talking about Ragini's case. She saw a ghost during the shooting. I think these rumors are true. It's an old mansion. It has to be infested by ghosts. Has to be? It is. Don't smoke. Don't smoke. Tanya. Coming. Listen, smoke but be around. If you smoke alone.. ..the ghost will snatch your cigarette. What rubbish? - Ask them. This is the most beautiful room of the mansion. Wow, Hemantbhai. This is great. There's a bar and a stage too. Yes Beautiful. So many musical instruments. - Exactly. Is this a hall or a music room? This is where the entertainment would take place. Famous Dancers performed here. Renowned singers like Ustad Allauddin Khan.. ..Baiju Bawra sir harmonized this place. Hemantbhai. By the way, is this mansion really haunted? Yes, it is. Then it must have scary stories as well. This house has an unusual past. They say this house is cursed. After Gaindamal murdered by the hands of the Mill workers.. ..Gaindamal's soul roam around here in the mansion. Jesus! Aditya, change your ringtone. - Aditya, sir. What Aditya sir.. It's was scary. Yes, Sumit Da. Yes. Yes, I can hear. What, you're stuck? Oh, rail blockage against land acquisition. So what will we do now? No, the shoot is day after tomorrow. No, it's not possible tomorrow. I've an important meeting tomorrow. Yes. Fine, Ok! let me talk to Hemant. I'll try to get his permission. Okay. No. I won't stay. I won't stay back. Today, There's a hearing in the High Court for Royal Mansion. The great grandsons of Gaindamal.. ..are fighting in the court for this property. I've to go with them. It's frustrating. Hemant, leave the keys with the watchman. Who would come to a house that's haunted by ghosts. I did appoint one...but the ghosts drove him away. What are you saying? The entire house is filled with antiques. And everything must be expensive. Yes, they say that.. ..there's a huge treasure buried under this house too. You mean hidden treasure. People have seen golden coins of the British era. That's why I don't give the keys to anyone. Hemantbhai. Hemantbhai. - No, no. Have faith, I'll bring the keys. Tanya, please. - Hemantbhai, please. Please, please, please, let it be. Please. Please is what gets us in the end. Fine. Please. Here are the keys. Thank you so much. - Thank you very much. Thank you so much, Hemantbhai. Thank you. Really, Tanya. Your magical embrace cast a spell on Hemantbhai. Come on. I hugged him out of affection. Yes, right. Sir, what will we do for next two hours? I will have to wait for Sumit Da. I've to discuss the shot divisions with him. I suggest that you two go to the police station. And get the permissions for next week's shoot. That's a good idea. Yeah, even I've to meet with the costume dada, so.. Great. You guys get going then. Leave the keys with me. Okay. Will you manage it alone? - Yes. Camera, laptop. Thank you. - Take care. Yes, I will. Bye, sir. - Bye, Gupta. Sir. - Who is it? Who is it? Sir, it's me. Raju writer, sir. You? You're back again. What do you want now? Sir, neither money nor credit. I just need a break. Oh God! You don't need a break But I really need one from you. That's exactly what I want to give, sir. I want to give you a break to make a film on my story. I am just joking, sir. Sir, please hear my story once. Sir, I've done my research here.. ..and written a story about this place. My friend, I've told you many times.. ..I've no interest in hearing your story. Sir, but I am interested in telling you. FIMFARE, ZEE, IIFA, TOIFA, Even the Lion's club award will be yours sir. Thank you very much for the awards. But dude, I don't want to hear your story. Because I've got my own story for my first film. Hold on, sir. You wrote a story without me. Without me? Sorry. Sir, just joking. By the way, what's the genre? I mean what kind of a film is it? Action? Social? Thriller? Horror? Or one of those intellectual art films.. ..with a strong message. It's not like that. But what do you know about these intellectual art-house movies? Sir, I may look like a tramp.. ..but tramp only get the triumph. By the way, I am MA in Literature from Allahabad University. And member of the Cineclub in Allahabad. Fellini, Truffaut, Bergman.. ..and our very own Satyajit Ray, Gurudutt, Shantaram.. ..made such great films. I guess you're a big movie buff. Very big sir. Big one? Okay, how about the contemporary film-makers? Danny Boyle, Ang Lee, Christopher Nolan.. ..have you seen their work? Just tell me the movie name, sir.. ..I can tell you the entire screenplay, with dialogues. No, let it be. Sir. Can I say something? Stop making these ad-films. - Why is that? If a young talent like you do the slavery to this consumerism. And sell these soaps and toothpaste, doesn't look nice. Make a feature film. And say whatever you want. Sir, there's great fun in making a feature film, sir. But you just mentioned Satyajit Ray. - Yes, sir. Even he made ad-films first. And if we don't sell these soaps and toothpaste.. ..then what will we eat? And anyway, who will finance my independent film? Corporates are only interested in the number game and stars. That's true, sir. But, are you interested in making a feature film? Definitely. In fact, I also have a story in my mind. Hot Haryanvi. And for that I'm also meeting a producer. Well, you didn't hear my story.. ..but I will definitely hear your story. Don't worry, I won't leak it out. I can also sign an NDA for you. Non Disclosure Agreement. So the basic story is about a boy.. ..who plays in a band. Marriage band? No. Music band. Musical group. I see. Like beetles, etcetera. Something like that. But they only play Haryanvi music. - Oh! Haryanvi music? Hard to digest, but sounds interesting. Next, sir. Next. The parents of this boy.. ..want to fulfill their dreams through him. They want their son to become a musician. But the son knows.. ..he can never fulfill his parent's dreams. Because he's a bad musician. He doesn't have the talent to compose songs. He is out of tune. He's stuck in a strange non-creative limbo. He also has a girlfriend who loves him. But the boy hates love and affection. Same old wine in a new bottle. You said something? - No, sir. Nothing. Sir, what happens in the end? That's the problem. I just can't figure out what the end should be. I have characters, plot points, crises.. ..cinematic moments, but I can't think of.. ..what the resolution should be. The problem is by tomorrow.. ..I've to work out the end at any cost. Sir, if you don't mind can I say something? No, go ahead. Sir, throw your story in the dustbin. What? Sir, your story's got no impact. This was just the synopsis. When I tell you scene by scene you'll realize the real impact. Sir Raju writer is my name. Writing is my job. By hearing 2 minutes of the story.. I can imagine the entire screenplay and know what's going to happen next. Really? - Sir, you felt bad. No, sir. - That's why you're leaving me in the middle. I didn't feel bad, Sir, I heard your boring story.. ..so you got to hear my interesting story. You mean your story's better than mine. Sir, don't try to compare a diamond with a stone. I see. - Yes, sir. If you make a film on my story.. - I know, I know. Filmfare, Screen, Zee, IIFA, TOIFA.. ..we'll even bag the Lions Club award. Right? - Yes, sir. What are you? - The best, sir. Fine, you win I lose. Sir, I love you. - What are you doing? I love you. - Stay away. Come on, tell me your story. Okay, sir. So, we begin our story from a smoke. Smoke? - Yes. Sir, the signing. - Oh, you want money already. Sir, cigarette. Yes. Here you go. - Yes, sir. Now light it. Take a puff. There'll be smoke all around. And with the smoke the story starts. Sir, the old mills and buildings.. ..are disappearing from the city. From the mills between Lower Parel and Mahalaxmi.. ..to the old house between Bandra and Colaba.. ..were devoured by the wind of development. From British rule to Indian rule. And now it feels like we're living in the promoter's rule. Old structures are being razed down.. ..to build 7 star hotels. New condominiums are being built every day. Multiplexes, shopping malls. By the grace of God.. ..and some new Municipal rules.. ..heritage and disputed properties are still intact. But they are few in numbers. The question is.. ..who's most bothered by the city's development? Mumbaikars. I mean, all this is forcing a common Mumbaikar.. ..to leave the city and go out. No, sir. That problem was always there.. ..and it will always be there. But the demolition of mills and houses.. ..has put Mumbai's spirit in danger. Spirit? Oh, I see. You mean the Mumbai spirit? - No, sir. Not that spirit. By spirit I mean ghosts, souls. Dead people. Sir, they're in a terrible state. They are ruined. These old houses and mills.. ..used to be their den. You can also call it their dwelling place. And now those simple, nave ghosts.. ..are facing a big crises. They are wandering from one place to another.. ..like crazy homeless souls. And the few homes that are left are not enough for all of them. Because their population is more than the number of homes. And sir, the worst part is.. ..no one's paying attention to the ghost community.. ..during their time of crises. The government isn't introducing any scheme.. ..to resettle them. No one's starting any movement. Ruling party, opposition party, civil societies.. ..and even the media isn't ready to help them.. Because their viewership doesn't depend on ghosts. Exactly, sir. You're on the mark. Because they are neither consumers nor voters. Very good. I can sense political satire in your story. But there shouldn't be any lecture or long speeches.. ..to deliver a social message. I like films which has layers. Something that has ups and downs. Sir, you'll find layers after layers.. ..in Raju Writer's story. With all commercial ingredients. Crime, passion, thrill, music, romance, dance. After all, these things make.. ..a great Indian pot boiler. Fine, let's listen. We'll start our story with the character of.. ..Raibahadur Mr. Gendamal Hemraj. Isn't he the same person Hemant was talking about? Yes, sir. In return of selling his mills to the British.. ..he got the title of Raibahardur from the British. And on that occasion, there's a celebration in the mansion. Cheers! Cheers! On one side there were celebrations.. ..and on the other, the mill workers.. ..were fuming with hatred. Right after taking over the mills.. ..the Britishers cut down their salary and wages. And the Mill Worker Unions.. ..staged a strike against this cruelty. Gendamal was supporting the Britishers.. ..and wasn't ready to bow before the demands of the workers. Down with.. - Gendamal! Down with.. - Gendamal! Down with.. - Gendamal! The workers were gripped with starvation and sickness. And in a fit of rage they burnt the mill down to ashes. Save me! After his death, Raibahadur Gendamal.. ..decided to stay in this mansion.. ..instead of wandering in the mill. Sir, other than the Royal mansion there was another mansion in the city. Imperial Palace. Before India got freedom.. ..the Governor General Ramsay lived in it. Indian revolutionaries were.. ..thirsty for British blood. And one day they attacked Ramsay sir when he was alone. Vande Mataram! And before India achieved freedom.. ..Ramsay's soul was liberated from his body. Ramsay's ghost resided comfortably in the Imperial Palace. But this luxury lasted only for a few days. Because right after the independence.. ..the Indian government sanctioned an order.. ..to convert that place into a library. Now Ramsay liked to read books. But his ghost detested books, magazines and newspapers. So Ramsay was in a dilemma. Mr. Booth! Mr. Booth! And he met his once-upon-a-time boss, Mr. Booth.. ..and made him call Gendamal.. ..and get him a place in the Royal mansion. I've a friend, Ramsay. He just passed away. I need a place for him. Excuse me, are you Raibahadur? Depends who's asking? I am Governor general Ramsay. You are Governor general Ramsay. Than I am Raibahadur Gendamal Hemraj. Mr. Booth has recommended your name. No, Mr. Booth recommended me your name. He was a nice man. He used to called me Genda affectionately. Genda? As in hippopotamus? No, no, that's Gainda Da this is Gentha-tha This is not the same. - Oh, Ganda, meaning dirty. No, it means flower...marigold. Marigold. A lovely name. Shall we go inside? - No. We will not go inside. Who is the boss? I am the boss. Who is the boss? - You're the boss. Yes. So you will not go inside. I will ask you to come inside. Please come inside. May I sir? - Yes. And now we come to the 50's. Gendamal's younger brother, Gulabchand Hemraj. Hemraj family's most useless son. Alcohol, women, gambling, race. You can say he had every bad habit in the world. Complete Casanova. Those days he was madly in love with.. ..the famous singer Manoranjana Kumari.. ..of those days, and also invested lots of money in her films. Manoranjana Kumari? - Yes. She always said. Entertainment. Entertainment. And only entertainment is what makes a film successful. Entertaining the director, producer and actor behind the scenes. And she wouldn't waste a moment.. ..entertaining anyone she liked, Manoranjana Kumari. "I won't give it." "I won't give it." "I won't give my heart for free." "I won't give my heart for free." "Trying to cajole me." "But first check your pockets." "Trying to cajole me." "But first check your pockets." "Check your bank balance first." "And then say I love you." "O beloved, if you don't pay.." "..the taxes for this service, you won't get anything." "I won't give it." "I won't give it." "I won't give it." "I won't give it for free." "I won't give it." "I won't give my heart for free." "I won't give it." "I won't give it." "I won't give my heart for free." "I won't give my heart for free." I am not asking your heart for free, Manoranjana. Did I give you these earrings, the necklace for free? Don't they have a value? Don't they have a price? And I've also transferred the property papers in your name. I don't want your property. All I want is a pinch of vermillion.. ..to grace my forehead. Foolish! I am ready to squander all my wealth at your bellow. And all you demand is a pinch of vermillion. Yes. Make me your wife. And give me some place in your heart. Manoranjana is tired of entertaining people. Take it easy my nightingale. I love you. And I swear I will take the nuptial rounds with you.. ...and marry you ASAP, darling. Thank you. - Mention not. Don't forget me, I beg of you. Will give you, will also give you the bag Gulab didn't keep his promise. And Manoranjana's age.. ..put a full stop on her movie career. And then one day she found out, that.. ..Gulab got married to a famous industrialist's daughter. She couldn't endure her shattered heart.. ..and this terrible shock. And she took to the famous filmy bottle SAD 69. And one day, after finishing 69 bottles.. ..under the influence of alcohol.. ..she hung herself from the fan. Oh no! Manoranjana's soul decided to take refuge.. ..in the same mansion, where she.. ..had dreamt of entering as the daughter-in-law. "My breath severed all ties with life." "My delicate heart shattered like glass." "My heart slowly burns like ember." "My delicate heart shattered like glass." "My delicate heart shattered like glass." "My heart slowly burns like ember." "A sigh comes out of my heart." "My heart slowly burns like ember." "A sigh comes out of my heart." "I've lost everything." "My delicate heart shattered like glass." Sir. Please turn off the lights. Your story is very nice. I mean it's superb. - Thank you, sir. But...the production designing will be really difficult. Different periods. The properties. Costumes. Furniture. We'll have to do detailed research. - No, sir. We don't have to do so much research in a ghost story. You know, I'll shoot Ramsay's scenes in sepia mode. And Manoranjana Kumari's scenes in black and white. Back projection, direct lighting. Every character will have dual shadow.. ..cast on a hand-drawn background of the sky. We can play around with the sky. We can play around with grey-scale. Thank you, sir. You gave such a good reaction on a struggler's story. No one does that, sir. I am touched, sir. I am honored. Thank you, sir. - Control yourself. Now we cut to the 70's. Bombay. Time of the underworld. After Gendamal's death when Gulabchand.. ..tried to take over GH mills, then.. ..Gulabchand uncle, Heerachand.. ..tipped famous gangster Salim Fatela to kill Gulabchand. Coincidentally Salim Fatela.. ..was also a big fan of Manoranjana Kumari. "I won't give it." Gulabchand's ghost wanted to live in Royal mansion too.. ..and apologizes to Manoranjana Kumari. I am sorry, Manoranjana. I made a big mistake. Forgive me. And give me what you always did when you were alive. What? - Your love, Manoranjana. Don't have dirty picture in your mind. Rascal, useless. You came back like a useless coin. Get out of here. Manoranjana, go inside. Sorry, bro. - Get out. Come on, out. Out! - I am sorry. I am sorry. Funny. Very funny. Too funny. Right, sir. And very exciting too. - Right? I'll shoot this killing portion with a hand-reel camera. Like RGV. Sir, RGV? Ram Gopal Verma. - Oh yeah, of course. Sir, I suggest that.. ..you let him shoot the killing scenes. Why not? Actually, he's my guru, you know. - I see. Yes. I've assisted him. I've written dialogues for him. And I even operated the camera in one film. What are you saying? - 5D. Sometimes under the table. Sometimes under the actor's face. And sometimes above the fan's blade.. ..and many other places. Superb, sir. This project is getting very interesting. Thank you, sir. All the characters aren't just.. ..from different socio-economic backgrounds.. ..in fact, they're from different time-period as well. Thank you, sir. And this movie will have an amazing ensemble cast. Thank you, sir. And these days there's an award for this as well. Yes, sir. Bro, continue. Many of the old haunted houses in Mumbai.. ..were being razed down in the name of development. And the ghosts living in them.. ..decided to make Gendamal's mansion.. ..their permanent address and came to them. But it was getting difficult for Gendamal.. ..to adjust and accommodate everyone. So how did the ghosts accommodation problem get solved? Sir, an interview board was formed. This is very loud, get it repaired. And not just from Mumbai, but.. ..ghosts from the different parts of the country.. ..in fact, even from outside the country came from the interview. Don't bend so much. Otherwise you'll hit your head on the ground and break it. There's gas filled in your head. Take this pill and go. Mister, the leaf that you chew is called a 'Paan' (betel-leaf). And my name's Akbar Khwaza Khan.. alias Natwar Khawaza Khan alias Khatwar Khwaza Khan. That's fine, but which one's out of these three is your name? Gentleman, the person's name is Akbar Khwaza Khan. And what's your name? I am Akbar Khwaza Khan. Then what is person's name? Gentleman, this is Urdu dialect. There's just me, there's no us. Oh you mean. You are my mother and you are my father.. you are my friend too. It's an old Hindi film from know you will not understand.. ..but nothing to worry. - Continue In Continue We're Pindari's, mister. Muslim-Maratha are brothers. We fought the battle of Mahirpur. Warrior. - Warrior Akbar. Jodha-Akbar! You movie buff. Not Jodha-Akbar! Warrior Akbar. Talk with respect. Continue. Well, I was king of Indore's Malhar Holkar's special chef. How did you become a ghost? Mister, during the war of Mahirpur.. ..I tried to make a hole in kitchen.. ..and keep an eye on the enemy for the king. But I didn't know that the enemy.. ..already made a hole in the back wall.. ..and have their guns aimed.. ..at the kind's special chef. On the whole what happened? On the whole the enemy filled my whole body with holes.. ..that I didn't know where do I breathe from.. ..and from where do I.. Mister, that's why I hate these Britishers. Is he talking about me? - Yes. He says he likes you. Oh, hello. Mister, the kitchen where I used to live. Now someone's opened a tea-stall there. And now I am kitchen-less. Let's appoint him for making non-veg food. Select. Selected. My name's PK. I was a film producer in Mumbai. You might know that a film producer's life...is really bad. First run after the director for the script. Then run after the hero for dates. Then run after the heroine to dress her up fully. You get so good at running.. ..that, if you make the producer run in the Olympics.. ..then he'll definitely win a gold medal. Sir. Why does he use that word when he speaks? Because the rascal does not deserve to be here. Out! Reject him. - Why, sir? Rejected. What did you do, rascal? - Sorry, sir. Hello, sir. I am Bhootnath Bhaduri. Bhoot.. - Yes. Before the partition I lived in East Bengal. Back there I was a compounder with the doctor. I used to give medicines to the patients. And after the partition I came to Bombay. Mumbai. Mumbai. You're so stupid, brother. There was no Mumbai back then. It was just Bombay back then. So I came to Bombay.. ..and started living close to the railway tracks. It was nice. It was nice. But my life had become terrible. Every day the train pass-by.. ..making the clacking sounds. One day a train passed too close to my ears. I didn't realize. But then someone said "Bengali man passed away". That's when I realized that I am dead. So after that I started living on a tree. Then one day few people came and said.. ..we'll make a highway here, four-lane highway. And they cut down the tree. I lost my home. After that I searched for a home.. ..but, I couldn't find a single home in Mumbai. Bombay. Bombay. He's very stupid. Now it's Mumbai, there's no more Bombay anymore. You see, East Bengal became Bangladesh. Bombay became Mumbai. Humans become devil. But I was a refugee even before I died.. ..and I am a refugee even after I am dead. Nothing happened to me. Your story is very touching. A Compounder that's bit like a doctor Isn't it? I know better. After eating Khwaja Khan's food we might need him. Okay. Accepted. Accepted. Thank you. Thank you, brother. Try this medicine. Take it. Take it. Take this pill. Always works, brother. So fast? - Yes. For the next interview we'll go outdoors. Okay. Oh, God! It is still not working, but this is working. Sir. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. Brigadier Hoshiyar Singh from Hoshiyarpur.. ..winner of Dharamveer Chakra, sir. Sir! Sir, shall we talk and talk and pass some gas too? - No. I mean pass some time, sir. - Yes. Sir. - Sir. In the year of 1999, the enemy.. ..was showering bullets on us. We had reacquired many parts of Drass and Batalik sector. In the happiness of the victory.. ..our convoy was moving ahead.. ..singing 'Hindustan Hamara', when suddenly. we were shelled. We were bombarded. Sir...sir.. I guess the enemy ghosts are bombarding this place as well. We should be careful. - Relax. We should.. - Relax, there's nobody here. It's just a passing phase. Passing. It's passed. I respect your opinion, sir. But an army man should always be alert, sir. Why? - We attained martyrdom. And even after we died the government scammed our coffins. Why? Because we weren't alert. This is the perfect man to maintain security.. ..for our mansion. - Okay. Hoshiyar Singh. - Yes sir. Situation and breeze, both are quite worse. - I know, sir. But you used your brains, so I select you. I am Aatmaram Paswan. No, you were. Better take the Ram and Paswan out of your name. Now you're just Aatma (spirit). District was Darbhanga. No, it still is. You're dead, but Darbhanga is still alive. What did you do? - Sir, during the day.. ..I used to drive the taxi in Mumbai. And sleep on the footpath at night. One night, just before the new year.. ..I was sleeping covered in my blanket. Suddenly, a rich man, who was very drunk.. ..drove his car onto the footpath. Exactly at the spot where I was sleeping. And right then Aatmaram's soul.. ..was liberated from Aatmaram's body. Right? I don't know, sir. I am a poor man. I have an old model car parked outside. Can you take me to the beach in that? I will take you wherever you want, sir. Fine, fine. Yes, what do you say? This driver does have some drive. - Yes. Accept him. The whiteman said something. Selected. Myself Robin Hooda. Robin Hood? - Not Hood. Hooda. From Rohtak, Haryana. Father was an engineer.. ..so, he wanted me to be an engineer too. And mother was a doctor. She wanted to see me in the operation theatre. But I was interested in music since I was a kid. Rock music. Dodes, Metallica. Anyway, I formed a band. Also released an album. We sold 13 CDs in the market. That's all. Squandered lots of money, also got humiliated. And I also went into depression. I couldn't write songs. The writer in me was blocked. In frustration I started taking drugs. Drugs you mean Aspro, Anacin and Crocin. No. Marijuana, cannabis. Earlier I took small doses. Later I increased the dosage. One day I injected excess heroine. When I came to my senses.. ..I realized that's Robin Hooda lying on the ice-slab. My nose was plugged with cotton. It would be nice to have a musician. - Yes. I believe so. Here at Royal Mansion, we would have.. ..different kinds of musicians visiting us. Really? - Yes. They would come, perform.. ..then eat, and after they ate, I would perform. But whenever I performed they would leave. I don't know why. Selected. You're the boss. Hi, I am Tina. I am.. I am.. I am No, no, it's alright. I'm Gendamal Hemraj. Please sit down. Daughter of famous industrialist Pran Chopra. Power-plants, chemical industries, real-estate. My dad used to do every kind of business. You know what, I was a really pampered kid. And on top of that, I loved to party. Heineken was my favorite beer One day I realized that.. ..due to partying and drinking beer.. ..I had gained so much weight. Right then I joined a gym. And that's where I met Sam. Sam? Sam Gonzalvis, my gym instructor. I was totally in love with him. One day my mom-dad found out everything. They tried to bribe me for leaving Sam. But when I didn't agree.. ..they made Sam disappear from Mumbai. I could never forget Sam. I was in love. And I was completely heart-broken. I didn't know what to do. One day I climbed up to the 10th floor.. ..and jumped down. I killed myself. And when I died I saw my parents crying. I felt really, really sad. Accepted. Thanks. After the interview was over.. ..Royal Mansion put up a houseful board. And that night Gendamal.. ..called the selected ghosts in the hall for a welcome drink. My dear late Ladies and Gentlemen. A ghostly welcome to Royal Mansion. Today is a unique day for us. It's unimaginable. Because after today, all of us.. ..will be living under the same roof.. ..which might not have been possible if we were humans. Friends. When we were alive, the fear of death.. ..wouldn't let us live peacefully. But now we're dead. Now we're not scared of death. So come...from today we enjoy our life.. I mean our afterlife. And swear that we couldn't be a good human being. But we will definitely be a good ghost. And we'll make the ghosts of Royal mansion.. ..proud amongst the ghosts in the world. Yes! - Cheers. Tell me one thing. Did all the ghosts settle in Royal Mansion? - Yes, sir. All the ghosts lived here comfortably. Aatmaram. You dead-man. Where are you dying? Hurry up. Start the car. I've to go to Dadar TT. And I've to buy sweets from Damodar's shop. Aatmaram. You're a insult to the ghost society. It's morning and you're still sleeping. I am not sleeping, just straightening my back. Rascal, you're a crooked man that's why you've a crooked back. I don't know. I am a poor man. Rascal. If you're a poor man then sit in the driver's seat. What are you doing at the back? Yes. - And hurry up. Hurry up, I've to get to market soon. Why the market so soon? You fool, look there. In the sky. The sky is this way. Here too. - You're a poor man. So look here. - I see. See, the stars have set and the sun is shining. Now let's go, start the car. The great Indian poor man. But why does he have to buy? He can just extend his hand and steal it. Sir, he's a Bengali ghost after all. Until he doesn't argue and haggle.. ..with the shopkeeper, who will call him... You've done a good study of the Bengali's character traits. Thank you, sir. And thank for this also, sir. Sir, do you like the story? That's why I am also giving you your first installment. Right, sir. So all the shopping was done. Bhootnath returned with fresh sweets and snacks.. ..to express his eternal love to Manoranjana. Stop. Stop. I am stopping. Why are you heading out of the gate again? Now do one thing. Get what's down there. What? Get what's down there. Oh no. No. Get what's down there? - How? Not yours, what's down mine. - What? The bag. Get the shopping bag. It's between my legs. Get it out. - Yes, sir. You might be a poor man, but take bigger steps. Hurry up! Hurry up! How dare you come to the 1st floor in this uniform? I don't know, sir. I am a poor man. I wonder where I get it from. I mean courage. Keep the bags in the kitchen and go down. That's a good idea. Keep it. Bhootnath, you're a high-class Bengali. Why do you entertain such lowly people? You won't tell me who I'll entertain and who I will not. Because you're a double-standard man. You brought that home.. ..for the sake of your Biryanis and Kebabs. Did I say something? - Don't say that. I am telling you.. You fools. You're 21st century ghosts and still talk about classes. Now hear a song. No, no. Stop singing. Stop. I already died once. I don't want to die again hearing your song. I guess he lost his musical sense when he died. - No. My musical sense is intact. But the way you sing, it's not called music. We selected him for this mansion.. ..so that I will get to hear classical music again. But he turned everything un-classical. True. True. Bhootnath. When I was alive, I had a similar.. ..old and grumpy man in my neighborhood. He used to speak nonsense about my music. Once that old man lodged a complaint with the police.. ..to stop my jam session. It's the same situation all over again.. ..even after I am dead. Son, don't sulk. Don't be sad. Do one thing. Start singing folk songs. If you don't know folk, then sing patriotic songs. Like 'Vande Mataram'.. Bhootnath. Bhootnath. I've already prepared a remix version of this song. But I don't want my songs.. ..to be bounded by country borders. Great. Wonderful, Robin. Wonderful. What a dialogue...about music. But...according to me, sing a song for broken heart.. ..which compels me to drink. One can sing about heartbreaks.. ..only after a few pegs. You mean first we down a few pegs and then sing a song. - Right. Then I'll take you to Bhoot Bar today. Bhoot Bar. Tonight's Friday night. There must be gorgeous ghosts visiting today. This is Bhoot Bar. Amazing. It's so nice. I thought she hasn't arrived yet. Go get it. Come on. "..will you drink me? "Intoxication is something you can't let go." "It's like my beloved, you just can't let go." "The bottle of alcohol's such a rascal." "Will I drink you, or will you drink me?" "The bottle of alcohol's such a rascal." "Will I drink you, or will you drink me?" "The bottle of alcohol's such a rascal." "The bottle of alcohol's such a rascal." "The bottle of alcohol's such a rascal." "Will I drink you, or will you drink me?" "The bottle... of alcohol's such a rascal." "The bottle of alcohol's such a rascal." "Will I drink you, or will you drink me?" "The bottle of alcohol's such a rascal." "Will I drink you, or will you drink me?" "Take a sip or gulp down the entire bottle." "Forget the world, let's shake the world." "Life's short, let me drink half of it." "Forget all your sorrows, take a peg." "Baby don't cry." "I couldn't find any love, so I picked you." "I hadn't gotten over my first sorrow." "And now I invited another." "I couldn't find any love, so I picked you." "I hadn't gotten over my first sorrow." "And now I invited another." "I couldn't find any love, so I picked you." "I couldn't find any love, so I picked you." "I hadn't gotten over my first sorrow." "And now I invited another." "You're bound to drown in this sorrow." "The bottle of alcohol's such a rascal." "Bottle." "The bottle of alcohol's such a rascal." "The bottle of alcohol's.." "Will I drink you, or will you drink me?" See, sir. It matches to your vision. Matching. Biggest commercial complex in the country, sir. Superb. Find the owner. Guliyani, sir. Yes, Guliyani. Find the owner. But, sir, there's a problem. We builders setup our shop where there's a problem. So Gu, I want this Royal Mansion. At any cost. Get that? - Yes, sir. "Where do we go?" Silence. - Start sound. Rolling. - Camera. Rolling. Clap. Take 7. - Action. Cut. Cut. Cut. Manoranjana. Who are you cutting? I was dreaming. Dreaming? - I am shooting for a film and.. You've crossed the LOC of your life. So I suggest that you.. ..stop dreaming about shootings and films. Whether a film actor leaves her work or the world.. ..but she can never forget those gleaming arc lights. Wow. The camera. The Nagra. The green room. Ice box, spot boy. Food from hero's home. - Wow. Watching your passion for your work.. ..even after you're dead has made me your...deadly fan. Autograph please. I don't sign on currency notes. - Why? When the chairman of the Reserve Bank.. ..has already signed on it, then how can I sign it? Sigh my palm. Pen please. Name please. Hoshiyar Singh. Love to Hoshiyar Singh, Manoranjana Kumari. I will never wash this hand again, even if I've to cut it. You know, in 1965 when I was in Khardunla.. You must be in an epic battle with the enemy. No. I was watching your film. Love can happen anytime. Such a nice title. Love can happen anytime. It can happen now too. "I am such a crazy Jatt." "I am such a crazy Jatt." "Couldn't understand such a simple thing." "That.." Hoshiyar Singh. You're showing your smartness here. And Gaindamal's looking for you. Let's go. - Okay. Okay. Thank you for your autograph. We got introduced. - Hurry up. Come on. "She loves." "She's crazy about me." Sir. You called, sir. Who's the boss? I am the boss. Who's the boss? You're the boss. - The boss didn't call you. Rotate this. Manoranjana, I've seen all your plays. - Plays? No, no, I mean cinema. After watching your first film I fell in love with you. Like they say, love at first night. Love at first sight. I know it's love at first sight. But I saw the night show. So I said love at first night. Oh, God! I guess the old man's lost his mind. I didn't hear anything. I was a big fan of your since I was just a kid. You know, I also made a fan club for you. And in that club we all addressed you as Ma. Not as in mother. By Ma we meant Goddess. Bhootnath, the movie world is a bad place. My Guru used to say.. ..that you can stay in this glittering world.. ..only as long as you stay beautiful. Once your beauty disappears.. ..you will disappear. How could your Guru say that? Beauty is not a pot of tea.. ..that when the tea's over, the pot's broken. Manoranjana, your time will never be up. Because you were beautiful, you still are.. ..and forever will be. There's no point in praising me now, Bhootnath. It's very late now. - I understand. But Manoranjana, everyone's late here. I am late Bhootnath Bhaduri. You're late Manoranjana Kumari. But before it's too late. Sweets and snacks for you. Bhootnath, this isn't time for sweets. Yes, I understand. I understand. I get it. This is time for something else. But Manoranjana, I want to say something. Like all men, you'll say.. ..Manoranjana, I love you a lot. I am fed up of hearing this dialogue. Why will I say that? I will say what I want. And I want to hear you sing. What? Shameless. Aren't you ashamed? I'll show you. Anybody there. Anybody there. Manoranjana. I meant song. Singing. "Open your door." "I am standing at your threshold." "Don't let me standout anymore." Who's there? Who's bothering you? Manoranjana, my love.. ..this Bhootnath's after you again. But don't be scared. This is Muslim-Maratha, Khwaja Akbar Khan.. ..chef of king Malhar Holkar speaking. I will teach him a lesson. You rascal, you will teach me a lesson. A soldier without a shield and sword and come here holding a rose. Mind your tongue, Bhootnath. Oh, God! What's going on? Accept this lover's true love and take this rose.. ..and I'll personally cook for you Kebabs. And then you'll suffer from loose motions. Enemy of my love, be alert. If you have Urdu poems then I've Bengal Tigers. I won't be scared. You won't be scared? - No. Then you will be killed by me. Come on. - I see. I will die. You will kill me? Rascal, how will you kill me? How will you kill me? - Don't provoke me. Will you kill me with the plastic rose? There goes your plastic rose. What the.. What's up, sister? You've hit the jackpot. One rose and three admirers. Oh my, God! How will I handle three lovers? Three. I'm experienced at handling 30, Tina. But these are old men, and they're all dead. But there's a nice boy for you here. He's single, and also ready to mingle. If I would be at your place I would've taken him on a long-drive.. ..and eaten dinner with him. You smoke so much? Haven't you heard? Smoking is injurious to health. Sweetheart, when there's no health then what's it injurious to? Whatever it is, it's really bad. It's stinking man. Tell me, when did you start singing? When I was born. But when a child is born he cries. I was singing. But you know, people like love, romantic music.. ..more than what you sing. To hell with it. I've forsaken romance and romantic music from my system. I don't let flowers, mountains, river, waterfalls, love.. ..anywhere close to my music. I don't sing from the mouth I sing from my entire body. A song that has passion, openness, liberty. That means you will never sing romantic songs? Never. - But why? Do you want to know the answer? "I am scared of being betrayed." "My heart be filled with pain." "I am scared of being betrayed." "My heart be filled with pain." "The thought of it makes me sweat." "The thought of it makes me sweat." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Any boy who falls in love with his neighbor." "Any boy who falls in love with his neighbor." "You can bet that.." "..he'll be fixing tents in her marriage." "It's a constant threat to life." "It's a constant threat to life." "It's a constant threat to life." "It's a constant threat to life." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's a butcher, it ruins a man." "Love's a butcher, it ruins a man." "It makes your market value zero in a minute." "Life will be worse than death." "Life will be worse than death." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." "Love's such a rascal." This is Haryanvi rock. Wow. Simply superb. Thank you, sir. Thank you. This is a complete insanity ambiance. No, sir, hauntedness. - What? Hauntedness? Nice one. So all the ghosts were spending their days.. ..with love and affection. But one day suddenly a problem came up. Problem? For the ghosts? I had heard that ghosts trouble people. Yes, sir. But the situation was different here. The people were troubling the ghosts. They've turned Royal Mansion into a vegetable market. They're hammering a nail on every wall. Someone's taking a nap. Someone throwing used plates. And someone's spitting. And they've setup a rail-track on the floor.. ..and people are getting on and off that thing. That means they have no civic sense. And the heroine has filled my room with smoke from her cigarette. I was a film actress too. But even I never smoked so many cigarettes. And she's showing such attitude. Let's lodge a report at the police station. Who will lodge a ghost's report? And anyway, they already bribe the police at first. Then we'll have to use our special power. What's that? Let's scare them away. Sister, I feel you should teach that heroine a lesson first. Fine. All the film actresses are nervous before the shot. I'll scare her so badly.. ..that she'll never act again in her life. Scene 1, take 1. And action. She fell down, the shooting was cancelled. Mid Day and Mirror covered the story on their front page. And slowly the news, that GH Mills and Royal Mansion.. ..are haunted, spread in the entire film industry. Producers and directors stopped filming here. The ghosts of Royal Mansion won.. ..and it was celebration time. And on this joyous occasion.. ..Gaindamal decided to take all the ghosts out for a picnic. "Here come the care fee ghosts." "Care free ghosts." "Care free ghosts." It feels so strange, right? We ghosts are out on the beach to party.. ..and have a blast. Bhootnath, we ghosts have the right to have fun. The biggest advantage of being a ghost is.. ..we don't need any visa or passport. We can go anywhere, any place, any time and anyway we want. Right, Aatmaram? - I don't know, sir. I am a poor man. You lost with 15 - Love. I've already lost. But I really liked one thing today, Robin. What? My game? No, I heard you say 'love' 15 times today. "Mister, walk slowly." "Be careful in love." Very nice. The oil is wonderful. Hey mister, this isn't the oil.. ..it's the magic of my hands. Once I make any vegetable.. ..whether it's a Bengali or a Bihari he can't stop licking his hands. Khwaja, tell me one thing. Did you forsake the sword and take up the ladle.. ..or forsake the ladle and take up the sword? Insolent, audacious fool. How dare you joke with me? Sorry. Sorry. I was only pulling your string. I was joking.. But I'll be honest with you. You really cook well. - Thank you, mister. Not the food, you bore me too much. With your hideous poems. Why you.. You pollute the place where you eat. Brother, can I sit here? Sitting. - No, no. It's sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Brother, you love eating. You talk to a Bengali about eating. A Bengali eats so much.. ..that he squanders his entire money on eating. That's why the food's tasty but not nutritious. We eat for taste, not to wrestle. What food do you get in Mumbai? 'Bhelpuri, Sevpuri, Panipuri, Madam Puri, Amrish Puri.' It seems like the surname of the entire Puri family. There's only 'Jhol' (curry) in Bengali food. 'Fish curry, potato curry. Curry, curry and more curry. No, brother. Before pointing finger at a Bengali take a peak in your own wok. What do you have in Mumbai's wok? Except for the 'Puri' family just a dry 'Vada pav' (Fritter). Hey! Vada Pav is the pride of Mumbai. 'Bhelpuri, Sevpuri, Panipuri..' ..are the symbol of our unity. And a person from every community eats it. And Mumbai has a specialty. Here a person gets up on a empty stomach.. ..but never sleeps hungry. And the credit goes to 'Bhelpuri, Sevpuri, Panipuri and Vada Pav.' Scoundrel refugee. You lived, slept and woke up in Mumbai. But didn't you feel hurt while insulting Vada Pav. From today you're out of the Royal Mansion. Out! - Out! I was only having a discussion. And it's important for a Bengali to win every discussion. Fine, I admit I lost this discussion. Okay. Come on, say sorry. Now. - Who's the boss? I am the boss. Who's the boss? You're the boss. - Now say sorry. Sorry. - Say sorry. Say sorry. - Sorry. Say sorry sister. - I won't say it. I will say sorry but I won't call her sister. It's a wonderful situation for an argument. Robin would've made a nice song on this situation. But where is Robin? You girls are crazy. Love, love, in everything you want to get love. Don't you have anything else to do? What is your problem? Why do you hate girls? Did someone ditch you? - One? If I start counting you'll be jealous. All girls are crazy about money. - Wrong. There are some girls who are crazy about love. The example is right before you. Yes. You don't even mention the name.. ..for the one you jumped from the 10th floor. Instead you try to flirt with me. Oh... Tina, what happened? What happened? Why should I take that greedy, cheater's name? He first cheated me and then killed me. He did what your father said. What could he do? I lied. After I died I found out.. Oh ! ..that Sam was never shifted out of Mumbai. In fact, he asked for a big money from my dad to leave me and Mumbai. And after taking the money he went to Australia. He completely forgot me. He never loved me. Sorry, Tina. I am really sorry. Forget it. Give me a smile. Smile. Tina. Tina, listen. Tina, you always say why do I sing meaningless songs. I'll sing a romantic-sweet song for you today. But on one condition. Before I sing you will have to smile. Now smile. "Its love that I see in my beloved's eye." "I know you're restless.." "..to cajole Hooda." "My confused heart's finally at peace." "O dark glasses, what's your scene." "O long tresses, what's your scene." "What's your scene?" "What's your scene?" "Don't waste our time." "Tell us clearly who do you want?" "My throat's dry." "Get me my favorite booze." "My throat's dry." "Get me my favorite booze." "SAD 69, o beloved." "My throat's dry." "You dwell in my heartbeats." "I've brought what you drink day and night." "Drink until you're knocked out." "And come in my arms." "Father's in the courtyard.." "..and your lovers at the threshold." "How do I get in your house?" "Father's in the courtyard.." "..and your lovers at the threshold." "How do I get in your house?" "How do I get in your house?" "My father's gone away." "And my lover's are hanging." "My father's gone away." "And my lover's are hanging." "Now pack your bags and run to Bihar." "Now pack your bags and run to Bihar." "The heart's said to your heart." "I am in love with you." "The heart's said to your heart." "The heart's said to your heart." "I am in love with you." "I am in love with you." "My friend just chill." "Come and fill my empty life." "Be just as crazy as I am." "Understand my dilemma." "And fall in love with me." "We're the best." "We're the best." "The ghosts of Royal Mansion." "The ghosts of Royal Mansion." "We're each other's friends." "We have no.." "We have no host." "We're filled with joy, let's have toast." "We're the best." "We're the best." "The ghosts of Royal Mansion." "We're each other's friends." Stop it! What happened? I was dancing. What do you want? Hold on. Sir, Royal Mansion's in trouble. What? What are you saying? - Yes. We were living there peacefully until now.. ..because your property was disputed. - Yes. But the dispute is over. - So? Your great grandsons have joined hands. They have agreed on out-of-the-court settlement.. ..and they're selling the mansion and mill. What? What are you saying? - Yes, sir, it's true. They will raze everything down and build a mall. Mall. You know all my male fans used to call me a 'Maal' (hottie). You're still one, sweetheart. Manoranjana! Oh, God! This is devastating news. If anything happens to the Royal Mansion.. ..then I'll be homeless again. If this had been the British rule.. ..I would've hanged this man to his death. Soldiers, we will give our life, boss. But we will protect the mansion. Idiot, you're already dead how can you die again? Let's first find out who's the buyer. - Yes. I think she has a point. Who is this buyer? Some builder called Bhooteriya. Who told you? - Technology. I installed surveillance cameras outside Royal Mansion. Cameras? And I just received a MMS from that. MMS. - MMS. - See. See. That's Royal Mansion. See. See. Who's getting down from the car? He's Bhooteriya. He looks like a villain. Yes, Manoranjana. Suresh bhai, thank you. Ramesh bhai, congratulations. Bhooteriya sir, all yours. See, Guliyani. When Bhooteriya sets his eyes on something.. Yes! - ..he always gets it. Yes! Now watch what I do with this place. I will give it a complete makeover. But sir, what will you build here? I'll build a 5 floor mall. I've also thought of a name. Bhooteriya 5 Star Plaza. Oh my god. What's this? - It's run out of battery. We'll go home and recharge it. Let's go to Royal Mansion. Follow me. - Cadets. Comrades.. lets go. Oh, God. Look. Cheers. Everything has been settled, no problem. Cheers. Look at him. After giving us pain they're drinking champagne. We'll have to do something. There's just one problem, Mr Bhooteriya sir. Heritage site status. - No, sir. There are two problems, sir. One is heritage site. And second is... very big Quiet. Ghost. Stop stammering. Go. Ask the architect to start work. - Yes. Tell him to make the best construction. Mumbai will turn into Shanghai later. We'll build our own mini Shanghai first. Stop! What the... You're talking about building Shanghai.. ..and the Municipality doesn't have a clue. So you're from the Municipality. - No. The Municipality is in my pocket. Come here. - Me? Me... come here. Ma..ka..rand. - Hey! Not Ma..kha..rand That's Makhrand Marathe. Maharashtrian. The chief of Makad Company. Get that? - Yes. Makad means? - Makad means monkey. Ok. I was overhearing your conversation quietly like a monkey. Is there a problem with the heritage status? No, no, no... Say it. There's no problem. All your problems will be solved. It's the rule of the world. Give and take. In the language of Makad company you give and I take. Name your price. 20... Lakh. Quiet! Look. 20 means 20 percent. 20 percent? Too much. Don't try to be too difficult. Otherwise it will take just one bullet to kill you. You have just one week. Get me my 20 percent and build your mall. Makad's, let's go. Guys, there's a twist in the story. Political twist. - There's not twist. He's a rich man. He'll pay the 20 percent. The politician will get what he wants and we'll be homeless. He won't be convinced so easily. He's a businessman. He'll negotiate till the end. That means we have some time.. ..and a window of opportunity. But until then we can't just sit idle. Revolt. Bloodbath. Charge. No point in screaming and yelling. Think of an idea, Bhootnath. - Yes. I am thinking to over feed him the Bengali sweets.. ..and he'll get high blood sugar. And he'll die of diabetes. That's a stupid idea. Aatmaram, what do you say? What can I say, sir? I am a poor man. Robin, how about you? I feel we should give him a sound thrashing. You can't even play your guitar properly. How will you give him a sound thrashing? I'll play the guitar. - Quiet. Can I say something? - Yes. In the year 1857.. Oh no, Not again. Common yaar. Oh god, Again! Silence. It's important, you will have to hear it. combat, battle, struggle and War. The first stage is always intelligence gathering. When you find out your enemy's strength.. ..and weaknesses, you've won half the war. Then who will win half the war? This shorty. I am Khwaja Akbar. Alias Khwaja Akbar.. I've decided that I will go to the builder. I will spy on him. And I will find his weakness. By selling him pills? - Not pills. I'll floor him with my acting. I've done many plays. French, Romans, Countrymen. Ceaser You bloody fool. How dare you talk about acting in front of Manoranjana? I was always casted without the couch. - Idea. What? Say it. To make our mission successful.. ..we need a cunning actor like Manoranjana. Cunning actress? - I mean successful actress. Thank you. - So Manoranjana, get ready for the mission.. Mission Bhooteriya. "Here comes the carefree ghosts." 200 shops on 1 floor.. ..which means 1000 shops on 5 floors. 1 crore for 1 shop. 1000 shops... 1000...crores. "Carefree ghosts." "Carefree ghosts." Bhooteriya the king. Come in. "I won't give it." "I won't give it." "I won't give it." Hi, I am Bhavna. Bhooteriya. Nice to touch you. But without appointment in my office.. If I had taken an appointment then I would've been disappointed. Good. Good. You did the right thing. You did the right thing. What are you playing? - Golf. Will you play? - Will you teach me? Golf? Sure. Sure. Come, come. Hold. Hold. Now teach me. - Yes. In golf, the stick should be hard and a good aim. So that the ball goes directly in the hole. Like this. Mr. Bhooteriya, yes! I need a favor from you. Flavor? What flavor? "I won't give it." I want a space in your 5 star Plaza. But who told you about it? We haven't even started this project? It's confidential. I've hid it from everyone. Don't worry, even I believe in hiding. Mr. Bhooteriya. Mr. Bhooteriya. - Yes. I've lost my key. Please find it. - Yes, sure, sure. Why not? It's not.. Do you see it? I am trying. Found it. Found it? - Thank you. Thank you so much. Will you give me space? I will. As much as you want. - You are so sweet. Oh no. - What happened? See, in a hurry I brought my car keys.. ..but I forgot to bring my car . How will I go back? Only if I let you go. - Really? Yes. Now will you really give me space? But what will you give me in return? Everything. Head massage. Shoulder massage. Body massage. Full sensation. I will touch your strong points. I hope you don't have a weak point. My wife. Are you scared of her? Yes. I was scared of her when she was alive. Now that she's dead, I am still scared. She's dead? Yes. That's why she haunts me every night in my dreams. What happened to her? - Nothing happened. I killed her. What? - I burnt her alive. Why? She nagged me all the time. I had a chick. Beautiful chick. We were having an affair. When Lakshmi found out she was jealous. I thought... let's get her out of the way forever. Then? - Then what? One day when she set out in her BMW.. ..I poured petrol on the car, and set it ablaze. I miss her. The wife? No, the BMW. It was worth 65 lakhs. Actually, Lakshmi's my weakness, Bhavna. She doesn't let me sleep all night. People are right. Men become ghosts after they die. But women are always a witch. "I won't give it." - Bhavna. "I won't give it." Bhavna. So even though Manoranjana was dead.. ..she still entertained Bhooteriya. Yes. But only to know his secret. But this Bhooteriya seems like a dangerous man. Exactly, sir. And so, the ghosts of Royal Mansion needs.. ..someone more dangerous than Bhooteriya to teach him a lesson. But where will we find such a man? On Spookbook. Spookbook? - Yes! It's a social networking site for all the ghosts. We'll definitely find someone here. And their slogan is... "Ghost. Let's strengthen relationships". And they found the man they were looking for. He lost an arm when he was kid while making a local bomb. And since them people started calling him Babu Hathkata. What kinds of ghosts are you that are scared of a gun? If I don't take this out before I sit.. ..then it pricks in the wrong places. Babu bhai, how are you? Babu bhai, how are you? Uncle, don't try to be too friendly. Get to the business, who do you want to get out of the way? No mercy, no forgiveness, all I need is one blow. No, no, Babu bhai, we're non-violent ghosts. Non-violent ghosts. You Idiot. Did you call me here to play the violin? Actually we're in trouble. If you don't help us, then my house.. This is a true war, mister. And you'll receive merits for it. Idiot, sit down. Merits won't do. I need hard cash. Babu, please. We're in big trouble. Help us, Babu. This gorgeous girl called me Babu, not brother. So I cannot refuse her request. Thank you Babuji bhai. For helping us helpless ghosts. You will earn merits for this. Hey, uncle. Keep your merits in your pocket. I did many good deeds myself. I taught a boy to use the knife. And he slit my throat one day and dumped me in the drain. Let's talk about money. You can keep the merits. Sorry, girls. I got too emotional. Don't worry. I will honor you with a Queen's cross. Who brought him here from London? Did you pay his duty? What did he just say? He said you're a gem of a person. Thank you. Hello. Now let's get to business. Tell me what I've to do. You've to meet Bhooteriya. Who is he? Is he a ghost too? - No. he's a builder. He's the owner of Bhooteriya Constructions. And his name is - GK Bhooteriya. GK. - Whether he's GK or PK. No mercy, no forgiveness for him, all I need is one blow. Deby Baby. If you would be mine, then this six bedroom hall.. ..on the top floor will be yours. Dance floor, disco, Jacuzzi. Mini theatre. Where we'll watch a film. The adult ones. Sir. Sir. Sir. Sir Squeeze me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Deby Baby... Yes. - Sir, that man that just came up looks dangerous. Fine, fine. So you have got my character certificate. What's your problem? The problem is not mine, it's yours. Your problem, my solution. If you don't hear it, then you'll be at loss. If you listen, then you'll make profit. Profit. Mine? Yes! - My profit. Yes! Sit. Sit. Sit. I myself Ganesh Bhutoria. People of this world humiliate me by the name of Babu Hathkata. Babu Hathkata. Famous don. How much did Makhrand Marathe demand? Babu.. - 20%, right? Rascal, if you give 20% to Makhrand.. ..then what will you earn? Now listen to my proposal. Tomorrow I'll introduce you to Marathe's God father.. ..at the Royal Mansion. Marathe's God father. My younger brother, Kabu bhai. Babu bhai's younger brother Kabu bhai? Party president. All the ministers are in his control. And that heritage problem. - Yes. Solved with in one phone call. And commission, only 10%. 10%? Bhooteriya, come tomorrow at 10.. ..with 20% advance. Okay, Babu bhai. I'll be ready by 10 AM tomorrow.. You fool, what will you do at 10 o'clock in the morning. But 10, I meant in the Night. Welcome, Bhooteriya. Did you have any problems on the way? His problems will start once he's inside. What do you mean? - I don't know, sir. I am a poor man. Say goodbye to this poor man. There's a rich man waiting inside to say hello. Come on. Come, Bhooteriya. Meet Allen Mittal. LN Mittal. The famous steel magnet. I am Bhooteriya, sir. Pleasure meeting you, sir. - No, no, no. He's LN Mittal. I am Allen Mittal. He's steel magnet, I am only magnet. I've 40 magnet chimneys in Chiploon. Nice, very nice. And he is.. Sir Richmond of diamond and almond from ootakamond. Yes! - Full imported. Very important. He's loaded with money and richness reflects in his name. Very nice. - Sit, buddy. This diamond got a knack of speaking the local Mumbai language. You said he is Richmond? It's the same thing. Diamonds are same as Richmond. Sit, sit, sit. Very true. Sit, sit. Diamonds... I mean. Richmond, what is the name of your company? The East India Company. East India Company. I've heard that name? Indian company? - International company. They even planned to buy India. I see. So the deal didn't go through? The deal didn't go through.. ..because India didn't budge from their offer. Solid party, aren't they? Rocks, Babu bhai. Now let's talk business. Now decide whether you want to invest money.. ..in his business or not? Mr. Bhooteriya, we're ready to invest. Thank you, Mittal sir. Thank you so much. Now, once Kabu bhai solves the heritage problem.. That will be taken care of too. Don't worry. Kabu! Yes Babu bhai. Babu bhai's younger brother Kabu bhai. Hello. Babu bhai. Who do I need to get under my control now? Kabu, didn't I tell you about the heritage problem? No need to worry. No need to worry. Son. - Yes, mister. Get the phone. - Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. CM. Talk to master. Hey CM. Cm. How are you? Kabu, my son. My baby, my sweetheart. Shut up. Listen to me. GK Bhooteriya is an important man to me. He's buying a property. But it's been deemed as heritage site. Yes, yes, I know.. In the year.. - To hell with your years. Now listen carefully with both your ears. If you don't cancel that in two days.. ..then you'll no longer be the CM. Now hang up. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Kabu bhai. Here's 10%. It's ready. - Keep it there. Here. So can I leave? - No, no. Bhooteriya, we don't let our guests leave.. ..without showing our hospitality. Yes, we'll treat you.. ..and also show you ladies dance. Ladies dance. Would you like to see a trailer? Trailer.. babu bhai. "I am a wound on your heart." (Cheers applauds) "I am a movie plot." "I am thank you, mention not." "From head to toe... I am hot.." "I am hot." "Strike that matchstick." "Strike that matchstick and light the fire." "Strike that matchstick and heat up my body." "You won't need petrol, or diesel.." "Still I'll turn to ashes." "Make me your blanket.." "..in the winter if you like." "Strike that matchstick and light the fire." "Strike that matchstick and heat up my body." "Someone open the refrigerator." "The temperature's rising." "Someone open the refrigerator." "Make me the apple of your eye." "I am very juicy, sweetheart." "Make me the apple of your eye." "I am very juicy, sweetheart." "Make me the dimple of your cheeks." "I am such a cutie, sweetheart." "My heat can melt ice." "I can melt you too." "If you touch me, I'll fall in your arms." "Wait.." "Strike that matchstick.." "Strike that matchstick and light the fire." "Come on." "Come on." "This girl's on fire." "She can take you higher." "She's your burning desire." "She's a burning desire." "She'll take you high." "She's a burning desire. - She's on fire." "She'll take you high. She's a burning desire." "Hey man.." "No mercy, or apology." "All I need is one blow to kill you." "I'll make you the bullet of my pistol." "And fire all night." "I'll make you the bullet of my pistol." "And fire all night." "I see." "I can pick you up with one hand." "Babu's very daring." "I'll make sure your story.." "..has a happy ending." "Strike that matchstick.." "Strike that matchstick and light this fire." "Strike that matchstick and light the fire." "You didn't need petrol, or diesel.." "Still she burned to ashes." "You struck matchstick and lit her on fire." "You struck matchstick and lit me on fire." "You struck matchstick and lit me on fire." "You won't need petrol, or diesel.." "You set me on fire." "You struck matchstick and lit me on fire." Lakshmi. Yes, Lakshmi, you rascal. Lakshmi, but you were dead. Dead, right? But I am back as a ghost to teach you a lesson. Ghost. Ghost. Save me, Mittal sir. Help me. No one will help you here. Because we're all ghosts. You rascal. You burnt me alive. Now I will burn you alive. You will suffer to death. No, Lakshmi. Don't forget I am your husband. Your husband. Husband. Babu bhai, please save me. Don't try to be too difficult. Just die quietly. Get that. Babu bhai, I made a mistake. Forgive me. Keep the money. I'll send you 20 Cr. more. Let me go. Here you go. I'll pour alcohol on his body.. ..and you set his body on fire. Stop, Lakshmi. Let him go. Let him go? Why? You know what he did with me. He's the reason why my soul's wandering around. Don't worry, Lakshmi. I will support your wandering soul. And if he doesn't, then I will. And if he doesn't, then I'm there. What? Like a sister. If we kill him then even he'll start living her as a ghost. And then he'll spoil our time-table. - Yes. She's right. He's got loads of black money. And those who have black money.. ..always die of heart attack. If he dies a natural death, he'll go straight to hell. Simple. Go, Bhooteriya sir, we forgive you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. - Hey, smarty? Do you think we're dumb? Keep the bag down. - Yes. And send the other 20 which you just said. Now get lost. - Wait Mr. Bhooteriya You can't go like that. Who is the boss? I am the boss. Who is the boss? You are the boss. - Yes. So you'll be pardoned only after hearing the boss. Mr. Ramsay, play the music please. Yes, sir. - Thank you. Friends. Ghosts. Human being. You know...their shopping malls, multiplexes.. ..housing complexes, high-rise towers.. ..have deprived the poor of the sun. Because of them, the sky's getting smaller.. ..for the children to fly their kites. With the pointed edges of their towers.. ..they are piercing the heart of the skies. That's when it doesn't rain, it doesn't rain. And when it does, it wreaks havoc. There was a time when there were huge homes in the city. With huge courtyards, lawns. But today...the common man makes many sacrifices.. ..and pays EMI and what does he get in return. A small pigeon coop. By stealing each foot, they're.. ..pulling the earth from below the poor. They have left no place for a grave either. Graves are getting smaller.. ..that a person feels suffocated even after he's dead. Move aside. I feel suffocated. Move. Forget humans. They've even made the lives of ghosts difficult. How have we harmed you.. ..that you want to snatch our peace and serenity. Only to fill your banks with more money.. ..why are you throwing us out of our homes? Without thinking where we'll go, where we'll stay. In dustbins, the public toilet. Or in one of the trial rooms in your mall. If you keep constructing these buildings.. ..then one day the earth will cave in.. ..under the burden of the iron, metal and bricks. The world was scared of ghosts. But now ghosts are scared of these real-estate demons. So tell me who do we complain to? Who do we talk to? No. You cannot understand our pain. You're human after all. And humans these days.. ..don't understand another human's pain.. ..so how can they understand a ghost's pain? Go. Go away from here. Leave us to our condition. Take him away. Go. Son, you're fortunate. Now get out of here. No mercy, or apology. One blow is enough. Let's go. Get out. Run away. Get out. Aatmaram, will you take me home? - Of course, sir. I am a driver. And a good driver picks his guest from his home.. ..and also takes him back. What a nice thing to say? Are you a ghost too? - I don't know, sir. I am a poor man. Very, very interesting. Thank you thank you. I didn't get one thing. - Yes. How did the ghosts find Lakshmi? Spookbook. What? Spookbook? Yes, just like Facebook.. ..ghosts have Spookbook. - Nice. Bizarre Boss. Lakshmi accepted Tina's request. And also her offer to teach Bhooteriya a lesson. But sir, the main problem was doing a hot item number. Because Lakshmi was a simple, homely lady. She didn't know how to dance. Got it, Manoranjana Kumari. And Tina, sir. They both trained her. - What a concept. What a concept. - Thank you, sir. And these ghosts taught a nice lesson to Bhooteriya. I guess he never cast an eye on Royal Mansion again. No, sir, he came back. In fact the next day? With a witch doctor? With the original papers of Royal Mansion. Bhooteriya transferred the property back to the ghosts forever. And once again there was happiness in Royal Mansion. And on this joyous occasion.. ..Gaindamal allowed Gulabchand.. ..in Royal Mansion as well. And Manoranjana Kumari and Gulabchand were together again. What a story. - Sir. Sir. What a story. - Thank you, sir. It's got characters, plot points, cinematic moments. Crises, and now I've the resolution as well. And a hot item number too. Raju writer, you really are a writer. Thank you, sir. Thank you. I like it. My friend! I like it very much. But brother, you see... ..our story is very nice. Not just nice, it's sensational. But there's a small hurdle. Hurdle? - Not too much. Our story's a bit whacky. It's a bit weird. So the producer might hesitate a bit to invest in this idea. But I will manage. I'll do it. Not to worry. Sir, is that all? - Yes, that's it. What's this? - See it yourself, you'll understand. These are coins during the East India Company rule. They must be really old, antique. Not just antique, sir. They are worth a fortune. Enough for you to start your film. Keep it. We'll arrange for the rest too. - Hold on. First you tell me your story. After that you also arrange for the finance. What do you want? Sir, I want to see a film being made on my script. Sir, since I grew conscious, I had just one dream. Someday I'll be a film writer. And someone will make a film on my story. With this dream and 400 rupees.. ..I came to Mumbai from Allahabad. Fought with my mother and angered my brother. I was worried as well. But I was confident. I knew that someday my dream will come true. Slowly my dreams started shattering.. ..and so did my faith. Everywhere I went with my story.. ..all I would get is rejection. Everyone said "Raju, forsake this profession". You will only face failure. But, sir, I had heard a line in a play. If a man has to be a failure.. ..then it should be in the work he wants to do. You're successful now. I am making a film on your story. I am happy that I got success at least after I died. What? After I died? Sir, five months ago I had no work.. ..so I used to do ghost-writing for many writers. One day I was returning home.. ..after finishing work. And its raining heavily. And I suddenly heard a girl screaming. Save me! Save me! Come on. Come. Who are you? Come on. Run! Run! Go. Run! Kill him.. Kill him. And that is how I got killed. I couldn't become a writer.. ..but I definitely became a ghost. After I became a ghost I came to Royal Mansion. Gaindamal sir gave me permission to stay here.. ..as a special case. Then one day I wrote a story.. ..about the joys, sorrows and the sufferings of the ghosts.. ..which I just narrated to you. I must say you should start acting. You should stop writing. That is how I got killed, sir. You think I am joking. I don't think. I know. You're pulling my leg. What's the proof? You want proof? Yes, I do. - Come. You want proof, don't you? Curtain call, please. Yes, Sumit. Sorry, I fell asleep. Very sorry. You fell asleep, but I am in a mess. I had to travel in a truck the whole day. I guess I'll have to give it a massage. Let's go. - Wait. I just found out how beneficial sleeping is. How? I heard a film story in my dream. Almost a script. Do one thing, go the Guinness Book of World Records. They will definitely produce your film. After all, this will be the first film.. ..which was written in the dream. Give me a drag. - Yes, sure. What's this? Aditya. Number 1, take 1. Clap. And action. Trolley. "Here comes... the carefree ghost." "Dance to the tunes of movie songs, sweetheart." "Here comes...the carefree ghost." "Dance to the tunes of movie songs, sweetheart." "On the beat of the drum, tune of the banjo." "Carefree ghosts." "Carefree ghosts." "Carefree ghosts." "Carefree ghosts." "If a ghost becomes a movie star." "If a ghost becomes a movie star." "He can even scare Gabbar and Mogambo away." "On the beat of the drum, tune of the banjo." "Here comes... the carefree ghost." "Dance to the tunes of movie songs, sweetheart." "Carefree ghosts." "Carefree ghosts." "Carefree ghosts." "Carefree ghosts." "He can show you a movie without a ticket." "He can show you a movie without a ticket." "He can patch-up Sallu and Shahrukh." "On the beat of the drum, tune of the banjo." "Here comes...the carefree ghost." "Dance to the tunes of movie songs, sweetheart." "Carefree ghosts." "Carefree ghosts." "Carefree ghosts." "He can even scare Gabbar and Mogambo away." "Carefree ghosts." "He can patch-up Sallu and Shahrukh." "Carefree ghosts." "Super-cool ghost." "Ghost is no fool." "Ghost is cool." "Ghost loves swimming pool." "Ghost life is damn cool, beautiful." Previously on Lost Girl... I have no sex drive. Any connection between her and the other two? (Metal clanging) Train me. Like you did Kenzi. Okay. Maybe we can start with something simpler? Wanna pack it in? Let me help you out. Tamsin, stop. You're gonna kill her. It's what she wants! Bo: I lose everyone. It's only a matter of time before I lose all of you. Wherever you go, I go. I'm not going anywhere. You will never be alone. (Sobbing) (Giggling) Yes! Frank, that was a solid b-plus! It's... it's Tad. You're hilarious. Ugh, I'm starving. Y'know what... I could really use some Chinese food? I love my roommate. That's okay, Tamsin. We don't need our weapons and come back to the pub, I can take down the Clurichaun all by myself, really. Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. Y'know... I was totally on my way back when I just happened to bang in to... Well, I banged this guy. Tad. Sshhhh. In my bed? Yeah, that's weird, right? But this smells good. Ah-ah-ah. We could share. Well, that depends. Are you gonna share? Oh, Frank! It's your lucky night because my succubus friend got her mojo back and she's hornier than a monkey with eight dicks. Or something feminine and sexy. Whatever. Buckle up, stud muffin. Thank you. ♪ ♪ $2.25. This should cover it. Exact change. C'mon, man, I'm cold. Come on, kid. I'm not a pawn shop... That's my grandfather's watch. Alright? I'm desperate. Have a heart. Please? When are we leaving? When I'm good and ready. Yeah. You know there's a lot of seats that aren't taken. Yeah. There are. I guess I was just taken by you. Mark. Margaret. Maggy. I go by Maggy now. Maggy Dermay. Let me guess. You're from a small town. You have a big family... A very strict family... Who didn't approve of your pregnancy so you're fleeing to the city to raise the baby on your own. I did no such thing. Hey. I was just joking. Just a joke. You're a singer, right? How'd you know? Maggy Dermay? That name can only belong to a famous singer. Everyone always said I was really good. Ever since I was little. So... My Uncle Leo... he got me a pitch pipe for my fifth birthday and I've been singing ever since. Do you still have it? The pitch pipe? Wow. I've got it. (Glass shattering) ♪ ♪ (Sighing) So the husband says, "I want 69." To which the wife replies, "if you think I'm getting out of bed to make you lemon chicken, you crazy!" (Chuckling) Gets me every time. ♪ Bo! Did you order delivery? Hey. Hey. Sorry about bursting in... Wasn't sure I had the right place. Doesn't look like a P.I. firm. Bo: Yeah, that's how we like it. You wanna tell us what you're running from? I'm not running. I'm being followed. I think. By who? I dunno. What'd you do? Nothing. You don't get followed for nothing. I didn't do anything, I swear. Okay, I can pay. It's not much but it's my grandfather's. Gotta be worth something, right? Sorry... only visa. Tamsin! Please excuse my roommate. She banged into some low hanging fruit and now she sucks. You can keep your watch. Where's the rest of your clothes? You're lookin' at it. I don't really have an address. Okay. Well, I have a rack of men's clothes in my room... Don't ask why. Just go take your pick, okay? It's the first door on your left. I don't trust him as far as I wanna throw him. He's trouble. Big trouble. Trust me, I can feel it in my bones. He's not worth the agro. Bo: Tamsin, he's in trouble. There's a difference. Yeah, and what was chasing him could be right outside, and waiting. Exactly. Which is why I wanna know what it is. I'll tell you what it is not our problem. Maybe it should be our problem. I knew you were gonna say that. Okay, look. If we're going to be partners we need to get a couple things straight. One. When you say you're gonna be back with weapons, you come back with weapons. Two. We're never gonna make it unless we find a positive way to speak to each other. And three. We help those who need help. So deal with it! Yeah, that tone's way less confrontational. I'm sorry. Okay? Something about this guy... He's broke? No, something familiar. He's broke? Look, I can't explain it! It wouldn't be the first time I worked for free. He's not Kenzi. We can't keep taking every stray that comes to our doorstep. Mark: I found a shirt. Wow. Good choice. Are you still hungry? You know what on second thought, I'm just gonna go. Hey, Mark. Wait! It's probably all in my head anyway. I spent a lot of time running. A lot. One thing I can tell you is you can never run far enough. Whatever is chasing you will not stop until you face it head on. See you around. He looked in a hurry. Wouldn't you? Oh, Bo! ♪ Oh, that little shit! Yeah. Now we do it my way. These grounds are quite impressive. (Phony English accent) If you don't mind me saying, Mr Base the leg is looking much better. (In normal voice) Well, at least she's keeping a low profile now that she's human. ♪ Make sure Bruce is fed and milked straight away. Images of Catherine the great dance in my head. ♪ (In phony English accent) Toodleoo, guv'na! (Normal voice) Only I find me funny. And then I said it doesn't matter that you didn't steal the earrings, Rosa. I already told everyone that you did. How would it look if I suddenly started changing my tune? But you did the right thing? Of course. I fired her entire family. Excellent. So. Your assistant was murdered. Dish. I don't know what to tell you, Evony... Lisa was a nice girl. I left her alone, I feel responsible... Yeah. None of the equipment I paid for was damaged I hope. Nope. Nope. Just one precious human life. That's good. And the three dead bodies that just disappeared? Were you going to mention that? You have eyes and ears everywhere. Don't you? Lauren. I didn't get shacked up with a fat old money buffoon with fake teeth and horrific gout to watch the clinic I opened in my name get plundered by common thieves. I did it because I am a survivor. And I will not be made to look like a fool. ♪ The security system you're signing for should help ensure this thing doesn't happen again in the future. And what about my serum? Coming along? Progress and all that? Oh, you know? You can't rush science. You think you can run from a Valkyrie? Call me old fashioned, but I really don't like being stolen from. Do you know what we do to thieves? Do you want to take it down a notch? Can I talk to you? Now? Yeah, like we agreed. Okay. Go ahead. I feel really disrespected when you back seat drive on my bad cop routine. Okay. Well, I hear you. But sometimes I wish you would try a different approach. Maybe something a little sunnier. Well, I hear you. But I have been doing this a very long time and I would really appreciate and value your patience. Well, I give you my patience... (Together) Don't even think about it! Look. Up until that... really, really weird conversation... You both seemed like really cool chicks. Then why did you steal from us? To get out of town. Fast. This belongs to my best friend. I'm sorry. Honest. Honest? Just how many grandfathers did you have, huh? I'm sorry. You guys were nice to me... No one is, believe me... I wonder why? I'm not a bad guy. Oh, no. He's here. Who's here? ♪ Tamsin: Bo! Bo: Why does it hurt so bad? Tamsin: Stay with me. Yeah, run! You coward. This is gonna hurt. No, no, no... I don't have any money. And I want any trouble. Why don't you just let us inside and open that register? No trouble just cash. And if I refuse? Things'll get messy. (Metal clanging) I can't believe you did that. Just pulled it right out... It was for your own good. I need to feed. Well, you can always ask Frank to come back here. (Laughing) His name was Tad. And don't make me laugh. It hurts. Better? Yeah. Thanks. It's back. It's not working. No, it is. Here. Just feed more. Bo, look what I got... Oh my God. So much blood and kissing. Bo: Lauren! Wait, wait. I just need to get my medical kit. Trick: We need to talk. Trick: Dyson, don't. Give me one reason why I shouldn't. Trick: Just now behind the Dal. Vex saved my life. (Scoffing) He came to my aid. Two thugs were about to attack... Let me guess. He took them out to make it "look" like he's changed. Again! Oh, c'mon. That's a bit cynical. Don't worry. That thought's crossed my mind. But I figure the safest place for Vex is with you. The one man who will kill him if he's lying. Better to have a Mesmer and not need one. And you just might. Three dead humans. Happened just outside of our border. I want you and Vex to look into it. I swore fealty to your granddaughter, Trick. I serve her now. Good thing I'm the acting Ash. And besides, Dyson. You serve your conscience. You always have. Well, at least we have that in common, eh? Amazing. I just took the equivalent of Fae kryptonite out of your shoulder. Say what? It's a metal derived from a parasite. What's so cool about this particular compound is that it's a mineral and it's also alive. Every time you heal, this sneaky rascal re-split the wound. So, that was in my shoulder? Him and his little sister. (Strange noise) Oh, I might hurl. Lauren: I know. I'm excited too. They're attracted to each other's heat signature. Where one goes the other wants to go. You can bet that this squish family Robinson are looking for these two, right now. So, it's like a tracking device? So, wait... This Robin hood douche knows where we are? I'm lucky you came by. Yeah... It's my professional opinion that you've always benefited from human touch. (Coughing) Okay. This is sweet but let's get this show on the road. Places to go, people to find. Feed. Thanks, T. What are partners for. So, if this archer used these bugs to find us, maybe we can turn the tables and do the same. We need to find Mark. Where would a young handsome Fae go in a town he doesn't know? ♪ It's like I said. I'm totally risk free. I need from you is money to return to Africa, claim my inheritance and then... half of it's yours. Okay, spill it. Who are you? What's going on and who's been chasing you? I don't know. I don't know and let's see... I don't know. Man, these wings are spicy. I think schnapps can go with wings? Stop dicking us around. What do you care? I'm just trouble anyways, right? You can feel it in your bones. Mark. I could have been killed. You owe me an explanation. Now stop acting like a child and man up. He's a hunter. He's been after me since I was a boy, but... I don't know why. Some Fae have natural predators. What kind are you? Kinda hoping you could tell me. Mother died when I was young. Don't have any other family. I keep waiting for something to change, something to happen but it never does. Maybe there's something wrong with me. No, it's just not time yet. There's nothing wrong with you. Then how come everywhere I go, I leave a body count? Yesterday I was running to catch this bus trying to get away from the hunter, and I sat down next to this girl. This sweet girl. She was moving to the city to be a singer. I thought she was pretty. We can help you. But you have to trust us. No more lies. ♪ I just kind of moved around from city to city. Find honest work, but I guess I'm not that reliable. It's okay. You have time to figure that stuff out. Ow! Why does this hurt so much? I thought you healed. Yeah, so did I. It just keeps splitting. Lauren must have left some shrapnel in there. ♪ Hey! I thought that's how you healed? It is... And wow. ♪ Oh, wow. I have waited a long time for this. Yeah? Well, we've been waiting all night. And the Oscar goes to... "12 years a babe." (Tranquilizer gun shots) Sorry. I was president of P.E.T.A in high-school. Let's take him to my clinic. Lock him up. We're not locking him up. He's a murderer! (Tranquilizer gun shots) Um. Maybe somebody else should take the gun. Yeah... Man. Alive, these weapons are something else. Did y'know the bone in this knife dates back to the Mesopotamian era of ancient Greece? ! How would I? Uh... carbon dating? Where am I? You let me outta here. You tried to kill an innocent Fae. You shot me with an arrow that hurt like a bitch. So, how about no. That thing is anything but innocent. I agree he's frustrating and a little bit of a scoundrel, but he's not dangerous. Oh, you tell that to my wife! You tell that to my little girl. He killed them in cold blood. Slaughtered them. What? Him and all his kind. They hunted us down like chattel tore them to pieces... Feasted on them, right in front of my eyes... That kid took my ear clean off he would've eaten me too, but I escaped 'cause now I won't stop not until he's suffers the way that I have. ♪ Give me your hand. Why? Because I want to believe you. Now tell me again about your wife. D'you think mummies care about how they're portrayed in cartoons, you know? All mumbling and moaning like morons. (Unintelligible grunting) I knew a mummy once. Yeah. His name was Andy. He was a tremendous chef but terrible hygiene. As you my have guessed, mummies don't care much about mastering things like, toilet paper. Hey, uh... By the way, I know a few things about being bad. What it all may mean. The cultural significance. My input could actually be helpful. But, I know you're a proud wolf and you like to figure things out for yourself... (Yelp) (Growling) I don't want your help. I don't want you around. All I see when I look at you is the man who killed my partner. All I see when I look in your ridiculous face is Massimo's special friend. Special friend? He was the closest thing to a son I'll ever have. You're not helping your case, Vex. I raised him. Since he was walking. And you lot would like killed him. He was an abomination. He didn't stand a chance. All he had was me. I knew he was trouble, Dyson. I knew he was bad but it didn't matter. Nothing he did could change how I felt about him. He was mine and I loved him. Quite the legacy, Vex. Oh, piss off. You were the one who let him go in the first place. (Growling) (Coughing) I'm going to the clinic. If you're here when I get back, I will kill you. What is that? What is what? That smell. (Sniffing) Something... Something bad. Well, we're in a hospital, Dyson. Everything smells a little bad. (Sniffing) So what you got, Detective? Why these men? Why these three specifically? Shop at the same super Market? Car pool friends, perhaps? I thought I made myself clear, Vex. Just listen to me. I tried to get Massimo to leave town. I tried... Dyson! But he wouldn't listen to me! You have the same problem. Hale was my friend, too! Dyson: Say his name again! ♪ Say his name one more time. Lauren: He's telling the truth. I was with Massimo in the end. He was completely beyond reason. Listen, I'm sorry! I screwed up! Alright? You're always sorry! You always screw up. Do you think it's easy being the good guy? Always doing the right thing. Do you know how easy it would be to do the wrong thing? How good that would feel? Just do it. Come on! Pull the trigger! Put me out of my bloody misery. Dyson, I know that you're in a lot of pain, but Hale and Kenzi were not his fault. Dyson, it wasn't anybody's fault. This isn't gonna fix anything. What happened? Oh, you know. You tried to kill the hunter, my ex shot you with a tranquilizer dart. Usual Thursday fair. I can explain. I hope so, Mark. Because that hunter had some pretty crazy things to say about you. Of course he did. He's been trying to kill me... He said you killed his wife and child. No, I didn't. Well, he wasn't lying. What about his ear? I'm suppose that just come off on its own? Yeah, I... I bit his ear off. Mark... He murdered my mother. What would you have done? I was six years old, I could have done more. She hid me under the bed and I just watched. I just watched him kill her. I swear, if you are lying... You think I'd lie about being a coward? I just laid there. I froze. After he turned his back once he was finished... I jumped on him, bit his ear off, and I ran... I ran just like I did today when you got hurt... Cause I didn't want him to kill you too. I tried... I tried to keep you guys safe. You are not a coward. You're just lost. I'm sick and tired of running. Of everyone around me dying. Trust me. Killing that man is not the answer. Then what is? I don't have anywhere else to go. I don't have anyone else to turn to. I don't have anything but this. Yes. You do. I promise. ♪ What is it about you? (Whispering) Puttin' his hands all over me. Puttin' his gun to my chin. He's lucky I don't go kung-fu on his ass. Pig. Dyson: What did you just say? Pig. You said pig. I really don't think I said that. The first Vic. His name was Patrick Murphy. He was a cop. A pig. Look at this. There's puncture wounds on both his feet. He was hung upside down so he'd bleed out quicker. Lauren: Like a pig in an abattoir. The second Vic. Shane Miller. He was a prison guard. A bull. Both men had their throats slit. They were branded, organs removed and burnt, both men were hung and bled out. In pagan religions, often the pig and the bull would be... Sacrificed... their blood was spilled in order to purify them. Their organs were offerings up to the gods. What about the third vic? ♪ No slit throat. No puncture wounds. But he's branded like the other two. He died of dehydration. He was Russian. Served eight years of a double life sentence. Someone must have been a b-a-a-a-a-d boy. Oh come on, copper. We both know... You shave that much time off a double life-sentence... You been talking to the "right" people. A snitch. A rat. But a rat doesn't fit. Yeah, but this is a Russian prison. A snitch isn't a rat. He's a goat. Sacrificed to the desert to cleanse the sins in hopes of bringing good fortune. We're dealing with a cult here. A Fae cult. Dyson, those three bodies from the elevator crash... They were taken the other night. Three ritual killings. Three missing bodies. There could be a connection. You have anything with the missing bodies with the scent? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Tamsin! Hey. How was your talk, Demi? Where's Mark? I thought he was with you? ♪ The hunter. He's gonna kill him. ♪ You sure this is the right place? (Sniffing) Ah, yes. The famed shifter nose. Yes, it is quite the aquiline beauty if I might say so. Slim. Slender. And strong. Can you shut up? Don't think I've ever tried. (Phone ringing) Bo? (Over phone) Dyson. My client. This kid Mark... He's in trouble. What'd you need from me? If you're close, go to Lauren's clinic. He's gonna kill this hunter. That's what I smelled earlier. I'm on my way. ♪ I'm empty again, sweetie. Sweetie, don't keep me waiting. You know how angry I get. Oh. Right. I guess I'll get my own drink then. Please, Mark. What are you doing? Why have you been hunting me? ! Hunter: You know why. You murdered my mother. To Hell with your mother. Please! Mark! Why are you hunting me! Because you're a shifter. Who the Hell are you? A shifter. Like you. This man has been hunting our kind for centuries. Dyson. It's been a long time. We don't hunt Fae anymore, Kelly. It's forbidden. Especially not shifters who haven't shifted yet. I figure since the Una Mens got all cut up, well... It's open season. You bastard! Don't. I know you're mad. I know you're in a lot of pain. But killing this man won't change that. He killed the only family I had. And our kind killed his. To him, we are responsible. But we can stop this now. This circle of violence can come to an end. Go. Get out of here. He murdered my mother! I said go! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna rip out your throat! Let me go. Please, let me go. Please... Please. Bo: I don't understand. Why let him go? That's a good question. I think the answer is something here Dyson is being a self-righteous douche-bag. But hey, I'll let him answer. Don't wanna talk about it. Oh. My. God. He's your... Son. Yeah. I smelled it when we met. What? I knew there was something about him that was familiar. Mark, wait! Leave me alone. Piper. Judging by your age, your mother would have to be... Don't. You don't get to say her name. You bailed and she died. It wasn't like that. Oh. Then what was it like? Oh, wait. I don't care. She never told me she was pregnant. She never told me about you. But I know now. I know nothing I say to make it right, but you can stop running. You don't have to suffer alone. You'd just get sick of me. I'm trouble. Everyone says so. I'm never gonna see you that way. No matter what. Because I'm your father. Because of you, family really isn't my thing. ♪ Oh, Evony, hi, I was... Enough bullshit. I tried to be your friend and be nice to you for a day. And it got me nowhere. Where is my serum? ! You seemed so happy with the rich hubby and the gout... That was this morning! Honestly, these human mood swings... I don't know how you do it. I wish I had better news for you but we've had some setbacks. Setbacks. Okay. Well, I've had some setbacks, too. Turns out husband wants to turn the pool house into a man cave so I'm gonna have to store a few little odds and ends here at the clinic. The clinic that I paid for. Guards! Hello, wittle baby. (Kissing noises) What is that? Oh, this old thing? It's only the most feared creature known to Fae. But let's just call it an insurance policy while I'm human, so nobody gets any funny ideas. It won't be too much trouble for you to watch it for me, now will it? What's it called? Nobody knows. It's that old. Oh, I really hope something bad doesn't happen. If it were to escape... That would be really bad for you. Chop chop. That serum isn't going to serum itself. Oh, and this little guy is running on battery... And she be gettin' low. I'd find a power source if I were you. Tout de suite ! ♪ ♪ Go ahead. Kill me. On one condition. I'm listening. Mark. You leave my son alone. Son? You don't say. Well, just gonna have to enjoy killing him even more. Aren't I? I thought you might say that. Vex! I once made the mistake of letting a murderer go. Because I thought it was the right thing to do. I won't make that mistake again. ♪ This time I'll do what feels right. (Growling) (Scream in pain) A son. Yup. Like a full grown... Sexy... You can never tell Dyson that this happened. (Laughing) I dunno. It is pretty great roommate leverage. Plus I do like my collars starched? Tamsin! I'm kidding! Hey, my lips are sealed. Y'know, there was a time when I thought me and Dyson would... I bet there was a time for him too. You guys are good together. Even if it's just as friends. (Sighing) Bo? I want you to know was hard on Mark for a good reason. - Tamsin. - No... I was hard on him because I knew he was a liar and because I knew he was trouble. I knew I was right because he's just like me. When I left Valkyrie school, I hurt a lot of people. And I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of. You know... You and me? I think we're gonna be okay. Okay. ♪ - Hey. - Hey. She's beautiful. Piper. Mark's mother. I had heard she had died. I just didn't hear she had been pregnant. I wasn't around to know. I wasn't big into long term in those days. You know... Dyson, this could be a real blessing. You have a second chance. And Mark is... Bo. I love you. I do. And thank you for stopping by. I want to be alone tonight, if that's okay? Hey, Bo. Thanks for watching out for my boy. He likes you. And he could use a big sis. Ha. Sis. Yeah. You know me. ♪ ♪ (Electric buzzing) (Thunder) Hello. - Hello, Siddharth. Dr.Conanhere? Yes, Doctor. I am sorry to inform you.. ..but your mother passed away.. ..just a few minutes back. - What? We did everything we could. No one knew one day.. ..I'd be taking you Back like this, mother. "You're the one I yearn for beloved." "Give me a sign, beloved." "You're the one I yearn for beloved." "Give me a sign, beloved." "Ranjha wanders for his Heer." "Come back to me once again, beloved." "I tried to cajole my heart, but to no avail." "Everything seems new without you." "I am still a stranger in this world." "I tried to settle down, But my heart couldn't." "Call me back to you, beloved." "Make me new again, beloved." "I miss those lanes.." "Where the air was free to breathe." "Everything about it was so nave." "And hearts never shattered." "Return me those moments...beloved." "You're the one I yearn for beloved." "Give me a sign, beloved." "When I lost you, I lost my world. Come back to me so I can feel alive again." Hello. Hi, Rebecca. - Sid, where are you? We've a business meeting At the bank at 9:30. I am sorry I forgot to cancel. Actually my mother Passed away this morning. Oh, I am so sorry. - It's okay. I'll make sure I handle everything. - Okay. By the way, I really need To bring this up right now.. ..the airline called again. And they need you to pick-up your bag in person. Bag? What bag? The one you lost On our trip to Atlanta. Right. Thanks. Just show me to the bags, please. Hey, that's the Kasauli Cowboys, right? Excuse me. - No wonder I picked up your bag. It's exactly the same. Even the handle colors. By the way, I imagined you'd be younger. But you're different. I read your diary. I read it till the end. It's really good actually. But you know what, If you write the ending.. ..I am ready to buy it. You know, reading someone's dairy is really rude. Hey wait, I didn't introduce myself. - Excuse me. Here. - Excuse me. - Tanya Sachdev. So nice to meet you. Enders Publication. I would love to do business with you. Siddharth Ray, Ray Infotech. And I don't think we can do any business together. Sorry. Hey, Mr. Siddharth Ray. You're not aware, but.. ..there's an amazing Writer hidden inside you. Someone else would say the same thing. That summer. Kasauli Cowboys. Still feels like yesterday. My world resided in a Suave hill station near Shimla. Amidst the mountains. A small cantonment city. And it was my entire world. Back then we didn't Have cellphones or internet. Just friends...and friendship. Tango-Charlie come-in. Enemy engaged. Shakaal's at the clinic. Mission Bharti all set. Delta-Echo copy. Glory to Mission Maruti. Sam was returning that day. Tino, that is Tejinder Kathuria made a plan.. ..that we'll receive him in our car. So 'Mission Maruti'. Siddhu, get up. 'Mission Maruti'. Come on. Let's go. - Coming. Suzy, that is Sushil Sharma was in bad quandary. He agreed to steal his father Shakaal's car.. ..only for our group. Everything was Going according to plan. But then at the last moment.. ..Suzy's sister Pinky saw everything. Suzy lost his mind in a frenzy. And in a effort to console him.. ..the car slipped out of our hands. Bobby. But Bobby got things Under control in the end. Cowboy group's stud Bobby. Balwinder Shekhawat. Hero, we were supposed to meet at 11. Why are you so late? I was doing my math homework, you big fritter. Math homework? I added the bed. Subtracted my clothes. And then...multiplication. Who was it? - Ruby. Ruby who? - Your sister...you.. Why you.. How many times have I told you to sit properly? Guys, Sam's train has arrived. He must be at the back. Look at the back. The back. What the.. Let's look in the front. Siddhu, there are Only old couples in here. Are you sure he said he's coming today? Yes, he called from London. I think it's a prank. He must he hiding somewhere. I'll check in that compartment. - Yes. Thank you. Sis, let's go, papa's calling. Siddhu, what happened? I.. Did you find anyone? - No. Did you find Sam? Sam's not at the back. He isn't there either. Siddhu, you got us in trouble now. Yeah. Mission Maruti was a failure. - Sorry. That's okay. Let's go. Today night I am going To sleep at your home. Stop. He broke the tail light. Stop. Stop you idiot. Faster, Siddhu. We won't spare him. Floor the accelerator. How dare you mess with us? Stop. Stop. He's heading towards Devil's point. Stop. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Idiot. Idiots, I can die anytime for all of you. Sam. How are you? Hey, bro, back from London. Jacket, glasses. Looking just like Tom Cruise. Sushil Sharma. And, Suzy, sorry for the tail light. Tell Shakaal, that I'll get it fixed. It's okay. You ham, how are you? What are you waiting for? Come here, silly boy. How are you? So...how are my Cowboys Let's go for it. Alpha Beta Gama Theta. Only the beautiful triumphs. Who's going to make some noise? Kasauli Cowboys! Kasauli, I am back. Sam was our hero. Our passport to the outer world. The best of friend. He would make us feel alive again. Easy, boys. Easy, easy. Friends, Roman and my Idiots. Lend me your ears. We're in that time of the year.. ..when the buds will blossom. Yeah! Beautiful babes Will go crazy about us. Parties will be rock. And booze will uncork. Open sesame. Suzy, here's your Blondie T-shirt. Pamela...all the way from Baywatch. Oh man.. She's the Blondie from T.V. And here are your shoes. Cool, huh. Bobs, your Zippo. Wow. It's also got my name engraved on it. And, Sid, specially for you.. Air from London.. Because as usual, You didn't ask for anything. Idiot, I called you back, that's all. Hey...are these Nike. - That's NIKE. What? - Yes. By the way, guys. This year there's something special for all of us. Cowboy hats. Give me one too. Me, me, me. Sam, you completed my look. Take it. Suzy, is it looking nice? These are called Cowboy Hats. It's time to renew the vows, guys. Come on, guys. Always marry a virgin. Never touch another cowboy girl. Always keep a secret...never spill the beans. Always together since our teens. Always wear 'Purani Jeans' (Old Jeans). Friends Forever! And to complete it... the Holy Dip. To the king of Kasauli. Come on. Hail God! Glory to Him! Hail Goddess! Friends Forever! Are you mad? At least your jeans got a wash. It smells so much. Are they in mourning? I just changed two weeks ago. That makes it completely dead. Don't laugh, you coward. It was just water. But you were scared Like we threw you in acid. I am not scared. I belong to the 'Katoch' lineage.. ..on my mother's side. Hey, coward, there's Shakaal. You're in trouble. Big joke! Oh no! Run, Sid, run. Shakaal's coming. Stupid. - Hello, uncle. I'll deal with you later. Save me. Useless. - Sorry, papa. How dare you take my Maruti? It was a mistake. I only drove it 20 times since 1989. I was going to call the police.. ..if Pinky hadn't told me. Sorry, papa. Useless. - Sorry, papa. Where did he go? Useless. Stop. Shakaal and Suzy? So this cat and Mouse game is still on. You know... he failed this year too. Hey...keep your guitar. What? No respect. And anyway, Suzy cleared The 10th board in two attempts. So big deal. Not two, it was three. You were in London, you don't know. - What? I doubt Shakaal's dreams.. ..of making him a Doctor will ever come true. Jesus, these guys. By the way, what about Your dreams of going to MIT? The engineering results were good. Just waiting for the scholarship. - Alright. Until then I am Giving computer tuitions.. ..and lending mother A hand in her side-business. Business? She ran a nursery school. What this now? Mom's started a New side-business of flowers. Extra-income to send me to the US. M...man. You know what.. It's M's dream to send you to US, not yours. I know. So how's the girlfriend? Fighting fit, how else? Come on. Are you sure? Won't you go to your home first? This is my home, boy. Hold on to my guitar. Asta-la-vista, baby. Boo. Sam! Is this the way? Why? Even Romeo came through the window.. ..to meet his Juliet. No one ever stopped him. I missed you so Much my Monica darling. Come here. Missed you too. Your romance, I tell you.. Son...get out. Can't you see... We adults are a bit busy? Look at your son. You're the son... I am her boyfriend. I am really famished, Can I get something please? If you flirt so hard, you'll get something special. Close your eyes. - Okay, okay. Close it, no cheating. No cheating. No cheating. Open your mouth. Yummy? - Chocolate cake? Your favorite. Monica my darling, marry me. I super like you. - Wow! I love this place. Our 'Hawa Mahal' (Palace in Air). I miss it. So...why did you come last year? You're coming after two years, you idiot. Romance in Rome, Siddharth boy. Didn't I write to you that.. ..I went to Rome with an Opera singer? Yes...with.. Some Isabella, right? - Yes. Okay. I could never make out whether she sang or screamed. You're crazy. She made be bleed from my ears. What happened finally? - What else? With the summer, the romance passed too. Idiot. You're a big idiot. First decide whether I am a idiot or a fool. Fine. Idiot fool, so tell me. What's the scene with the guitar? It's all about the guitar, silly boy. - I see. You know what... I am thinking.. ..of making a rock album this year. Rock album. You write the songs, I'll compose them. It's going to be fun. Wait, wait, wait. I'll write the songs? Sam, I can write my engineering exam paper. Songs.. What? Mr. Siddharth Ray. You don't know, but there's an amazing artist.. ..hidden inside you. Sam knew everything about me. My dreams to become a writer. My helplessness for studying engineering. After all, we were best friends since we were five. Finally.. Home Sweet Home! What have you been singing all the way? It's a Vintage Album of The Doors. Doors! That reminds me I've got something for you in here. Here you go. - Thanks, buddy. Doors. - Yup. And who's that on the cover? Come on, Sid. I am from the local government school. Not Sanavar and Cambridge like you. Idiot, this is Jim Morrison. Lizard king God of Rock. Writing songs, composing.. This guy was sheer genius. - I see. And you know what? He was a poet...just like you. Bahadur. I guess everyone forgot you're coming back today. No, no, no, relax boy. I did call mama. And she must be waiting for me like always. And who knows... there might just be.. ..a surprise party inside. Bahadur. Sam sir. - Hi, Bahadur. Good morning, Sam sir. I mean goodnight.. No one's at home? Sir's on a business trip to Delhi. And madam's at the club. - Club? Yes, Sam sir. Okay, take my luggage inside. - Okay. And Sid, you leave too. But you did call aunt, didn't you? Mama's a busy person. And maybe I gave her the wrong date. You know how I am. - Okay. Now go. Goodnight. - Bye. Sam had everything. After all, he was royalty. Aunt was the princess of Himachal.. ..and uncle was Shimla's Viceroy's grandson. But although he had everything.. ..there was one thing lacking in his life. And that was a 'Dad'. When he was a kid, his dad.. ..left his family and eloped with a foreigner. And this affected aunt the most. Bahadur. Who is there? Mama, it's me. - Sam. Sam. You've come back. I am so happy. So happy. When did you return? I called to inform that I am coming on the 18th.. ..but maybe you forgot. Oh yes, I am sorry I forgot. I am so sorry. Oops. So sorry. Let's go inside. - Yes. How are you? - I am okay. It's been so long. How's London? - London's great. You know I got straight A's in all my subjects. I topped my class too. Oh... I made it to the rowing team as well. And I am the secretary.. ..of the Shakespeare Society in College. You know.. - Did dad come to see you? Yes. Like every year, at the end of my semester.. ..with that... Catherine. You know they have a child now, right? Anyway. You know, this year.. ..I took extra piano and guitar lessons. I was thinking I will have our own band. Rock album with a proper band name and everything. I was thinking of calling it Rock Raga. What do you think? Mama! - Yes. Yeah! This is for super boys. Super cool, Bobby. This is for M R Mathur. And this one's for Sharmila.. ..who never gives and never will. Bloody.. And this for the principal from me and Sam. Ladies specialist. Throw it, Suzy. He saw you. Sushil Sharma, I won't let you get away with this. Save me. I am dead. Sam, my friend, each time you're here.. ..Kasauli turns lush. All comes for a price, my man. I see. How much? Hey, showoff. Let it. Take your hands out of your pocket. Here you go, Sam. They are fresh. - Now you're talking. I am going to beat him up. - Why? Did you ever pay for anything? Freeloader. I am not a confectioner like you. You're talking to Patiala royalty, get that? What royalty? Up my back? You'll know once I give you a black-eye. Your father's a PWD Contractor. Sam here...is real royalty. His ancestors ruled Shimla for ages. T man, as usual the fritters.. ..from your Punjab Sweets are world class. Legend. - Legend. - Cheers! Siddhu, you can write down my dream. You won't forget. Someday I want the world to taste my fritters. It suits you perfectly. Serving fritters as a waiter. Return the fritters. - Get lost. Guys, guys, guys. I just thought of a nice tune. Wait. What tune? Glory to Goddess? "Glory to Goddess!" "Ha-ha-ha" shut up. Very funny. When I launch my rock album.. ..none of you will be invited. Only Sid will be invited. Why? What do you want from me? The 'Yaari poem' (Friendship poem). Sam, that's just boring poetry. It's useless to you. Guys.. And God said... let there be music. "It's a bit sweet...a little salty." "Friendship. Friendship." "A friend's someone who knows you too well." "Friendship. Friendship." "Life's made of lively friends." "You and me." "Me and you..." "Our friendship." "I'll break all my piggybanks." "Count all my coins." "And buy your share of smile." "And you find my smile too." "Sweeter than tea." "You know.." "Friendship. Friendship." "Life's made of lively friends." "You and me." "Me and you.." "Our friendship." "Sway under the influence of beer." "Reach new milestones on the road to fun." "If the mind asks for a way back home." "We'll say we were raised in revelry." "Bunking class and continuing on mountain tops." "What?" "Friendship. Friendship." "Life's made of lively friends." "You and me." "Me and you.." "Our friendship." Friends forever! Hello. - Hello, sir. Bunty Desai. - Yes. I was really sad to hear about your mother. Another thing. Like she said, we need to sell the cottage after her death. Yes. I've a party, absolutely willing. You can do whatever you like. As you know, I don't want to go back to India ever again. Yes. Bye. India. After so many years. Things must have changed drastically. I wonder where everyone is. That summer after Sam arrived.. ..time was changing rapidly. And the most beautiful moment of that time was.. Naintara. "Love me.." Hi, Elvis. - Hi. Mother has sent flowers. - Keep it there. Do me a favor. Look after the shop for a while. I'll go fetch Amy. And dust the place too while you're here. The movie's called Blackmail. Best song; song no.3, side B. 'Pal Pal Dil Ke Paas'! It's one of my favorite songs. It's you, from the station right? Hi, Siddi. - Siddi? Your name? - No. Siddi... Siddhu.. Short for Siddharth actually. Naintara, short for Naintara. Oh, hi. Nice shop. - Thanks. Is this your book? You study architecture? I just gave the entrance exam for architecture, so.. Let's see.. By the way, how much for this record? I don't work here. Oh, I am sorry. But if you want to hear this record.. ..I think I can help you. Come. - Yeah, sure. Nice. One second. Sorry. Old songs have a different charm, don't they? - Yes. There's no such place in Mumbai. So you're from Mumbai. - Yes. This.. Headphones. - Thanks. You know...my dad used to sing this song.. ..for my mom. - Used to? Not anymore? He was in the army. Died on duty. - Oh, I am sorry. It's okay. It was a long time ago. Mother and I live in Kasauli now. It's a nice cantonment. You will like it. Sorry. Hear it. Can you hear it? 'That evening I was trying to erect a bond with a stranger..' '..and Sam was trying to strengthen a strange bond.' Many hearts are going to broken tonight. Where are you going? I am taking everyone to the Kasauli Club. Club night. I love this song. - I like it too. It's a beautiful number. - I know. A dance with the most beautiful woman in the world. You remind me of someone. Mama. Why can't it always be like this? Just you and me? Sometimes I think... marrying again was.. Sam sir. Excuse me, Sam sir. Sam sir, your friends are here. Fine, I'll be there. - Okay. Sam. We're waiting for you. - Okay, now you go and have a great night. Welcome to the club night, Cowboys. Cheers. Thanks for the drinks, Sam. - No problem. Always booze for hose. Hose? Who's that? Your sisters. Did your father tell you? Holy Mother of God. Who's that? The new Collector in town, Sapru uncle. She's his daughter. She's a Kashmiri. She studies in Mumbai. Jesus. Praise the Lord. Excuse me. If you're done with your prayer meeting.. ..can I pass? But before that I'll have to.. ..baptize you, my lovely. What is that? Welcome to Kasauli beautiful nun. When in need just come to Lawrence Estate. Saint Samuel's doors are always open for you. Lawrence Estate? - Yup. Are you Mr. Joseph Lawrence's son? Samuel Lawrence at your service, madam. Dad said that I'd meet you. You know, our dads were best friends.. ..since St. Stephen's College. Really? - Yes. If that's true then.. ..we should continue the tradition. Right? Hey, sis, where have you been? - Hi, Aisha. I've been looking for you everywhere. Meet Sam. Or should I say St. Samuel. Hi, St. Samuel. Hello, beautiful friends. Since we've to be friends, meet my missionaries. Suzy, Tino and Bobby. - Hi. He's the old uncle of our group. Sorry. Hi. - Hi, Bobby. So, do you nuns have names? Absolutely. Sister Naintara and sister Aisha. Already a sister. Excuse them. So...a dance beautiful nun? Yeah, come. Dance? Okay. This way. Hi, myself Suzy.. - Dance. What's your problem? Come on. And that Blondie slapped Tino. It was solid, you should've been there. You know I never attend it. See you. - Bye. Who's back? Sir's just returned by the morning flight. Oh. Where's mama? - She's inside. Okay. Sam. Good you're back early. I was just telling Abhijeet that.. ..we'll have lunch together. Full family together. Family? He's not family. - Sam.. He's just our estate manager. And your second husband. See you at lunch. Bahadur, where's my gold set? - Coming, sir. Sam...back after a long time. Sherry, is lunch ready? So...how are things? With you around...just got better. Bahadur! Good you're here boy. After two years. You've become taller. How tall are you now? Son, I was thinking that.. ..you should go to Harvard Business School next year. You can do a specialized MBA program. Wearing my dad's suit and sitting on his chair.. ..don't try to become my dad, okay. I don't want to do any MBA. I am going to be a musician, I'll be clear on that. Yes, of course. New musician in the family. Cheers. Bahadur. - Yes, sir. Refill madam's glass quickly. By the way, are you here on the 6th? - Yes. No, that week we're in Delhi. Sherry, we've the inauguration.. ..of our new juice factory on the 6th. Minister Dave is coming too. You know.. Sir, 6th is... Sam sir's birthday. What gift do you want? - You! I was only joking. A jeep would be okay. Anyway, dad's car has become too old. Anyway, could I be excused from the table? I got to go. But...you haven't eaten anything, Sam. Bahadur, get the main course. Why don't you try coming from the door sometime? Doors are for normal people, my child. What are you? - I am God! Sad! By the way, your God of Rock's album isn't bad. I must admit, Morrison is a genius. No, no, no. Was? You know the beauty, don't you? What? Morrison's part of the 27 club. - What? It means gone before 27. James Dean, Jimmy Hendricks, Janice Joplin. All part of the same club. - I see. Only the good die young, silly boy. Hey.. You know what. Someday we'll visit Morrison's grave in Paris. What say, done? - Done. So...did you write anything for the Summer Carnival? You'll get me beaten up. There it is. Sam, return it. - Don't be such a rude. You are.. A love song. I was just scribbling something. - I like that. So tell me...what's the best way to impress girls? You're asking me. You're the champ. You know the Kasauli way. It's different? So...what's the magic? But who's the girl? - Jesus. Have you fallen for a girl, Sam? Sam doesn't fall for girls.. ..girls fall for Sam. - I know, I know. We need to rehearse this song. Let's go to the sets. - Let me take my bag. Take it. Good job, guys. And good job, Bob. You're a born drummer. And Siddi boy, good work with the piano. Your skills finally came to use. - Thanks. Stop, bro. Have mercy on Elvis' instruments. And, guys, at the carnival.. ..all girls will go crazy for our band. Mine's already impressed. Just watch, at the carnival all girls will go.. Chill. Chill. Chill. At the carnival, drinks on me. Thank you, Sam. - It's going to be a party. Let's meet tomorrow. Don't touch the drum-set, get it. Run.. Why you.. Blondie! Blondie! Blondie! Gulabo...how do you do, madam. Blondie! Blondie! That foreigner. She's a Canada Exchange student. Have you seen your faces? She won't give you a second look. Just wait and watch, stupid. One day I'll make her your sister-in-law. Stupid? You called me stupid. Come on, come on, come on. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Nice. Nice, nice, nice. One day I am going to treat everyone to whiskey on the rocks. Honestly. Thanks. He's drunk from the whiff. Don't give him too much.. ..or he won't get on stage. - Stage? Of course. Did you forget what I taught you? - No, man. We remember everything. Let's go for it. - Come on. Alpha Beta Gama Theta. Only the beautiful triumphs. Who's going to make some noise? Kasauli Cowboys! "My heart doesn't listen to me." "Doesn't stay with me." "My heart doesn't listen to me." "Doesn't stay with me." "All it wants is to be with you." "Talks only about you." "Are you.." "Are you the one." "My heart doesn't listen to me." "My heart.." "It just learnt a new talent from you." "Meets everyone with a smile." "It fights against the world without a care." "And bluntly says to me that I am right there." "It's happened after I met you." "Because you've touched my heart." "Are you.." "Are you the one." "Are you.." "Are you the one." "My heart doesn't listen to me." "My heart.." "My heart doesn't listen to me." "My heart.." And then suddenly love was in the air. All the Cowboys were in love. Aisha and Bobby. Tino Roxy and Suzy. Naintara and me. We were all in love. Guess who? Naintara. That's not fair. So this is your secret place. Do you come here every day.. ..and write alone? - Yes. Just like that. I try. By the way, look. Telescope. How's the experience looking through this? You can see a glimpse of heaven. - What? Nothing. Hello beautiful one. - Sam. Hi. Hey, how did you get here? - Right now. From down there. Come on, guys, we've to get to the shed. Everyone's waiting there. - Yes. Do we have to go? It's so beautiful here. What? You know what? If you don't come... I'll jump to my death. What? Oh my God, Sam! Relax. That's an old trick. Look below. Siddi, my boy. Get out. Showoff! You know what, Sam, you're crazy. Anyone can go crazy for you, beautiful nun. Not funny, okay. Come here, give me a hand. Come on. That's my girl. I was so lost in my world of love.. ..that I completely overlooked.. ..Sam was in love with her too. Excuse me, sir. We're now ready to board. - Thank you. Back after a long time, sir. Few years more and you've completed your exile. Welcome to India. - Thank you. Next please. I still remember. Things began to change that summer with Sam's birthday. Happy birthday dear Sam! Happy birthday to you! But my birthday was two day ago, dodos. The day you gift someone, is his birthday. Surprise. Alright. Not bad. Nice. Look at the tires. Mama's secretary can't even spell my name correctly. Great. Sam, you know aunt's busy. At least she sent a gift. Aren't you going to take a test ride? By the way, Sam. I got you passes.. ..for Punjabi Rock from Chandigarh. Alright. That's my boy. What? Give me the concert tickets. Into the cars, boys. "Free your destiny." "Speak your mind freely." "All the girls in the world." "Will live on our conditions." "The world will be at our feet." "Scream and say." "Out of control boys." "Boys out of control." "Out of control boys." "Boys out of control." "Out of control boys." "Boys out of control." "Out of control boys." "Boys out of control." Can you even see what you're firing at? Can you see the enemy? - No, sergeant. - Well, you watch me. Watch the impact of my round. - Did you see that? - Mm-hm. All right, then, lay down effective fire! Yes, sergeant! - I'm thirsty, Inks. - What? Cool, baby, cool. On your right! Keep breathing. Keep breathing, there. Renegade this is Tiger One. Request immediate close air support... Lima-Romeo 8-5-6-2-4-4-1-2, break. Tiger One, be advised, we have no access to your position. Evac with you in 27 minutes. Fucking negative! We'll be dead in 27 minutes! I said immediate evac! Over! Tiger One, we're pushing a drone to your position. - Fuck. - Five minutes out. How is he, lnkelaar? Can't get a fucking vein, sergeant. You gotta use laser guns... fucking arms... I don't know what to do. You have to keep trying. All right? You keep fucking trying. - Maguire, move! - Seanie, give me a vein! Seanie! Cover the back, Maguire. That's it, Sean. That's it! Renegade, try to follow... - I'm gonna fucking get it. - I'm going down, man. - I'm going down, Inks. - No, baby, baby, you're doing real good. - I'm dying. - You're doing good. You're doing really good. You're doing just what you need to do. Just keep breathing, man. Keep breathing, you're beautiful. Maguire, I said cover the fucking rear! Cover the fucking rear! Renegade, here's our location. Clear. I repeat, we need immediate close air support, break. It's not going. I'll fucking get one... No... No, man. Seanie... Sergeant, I can't... I can't find... I couldn't get it, sarge. I couldn't... I couldn't... Ah, fuck. Tiger One. Tiger One, do you copy? Drone is on station. I say again, drone is on station. Tiger One, move to compound C and secure your position. All right, break contact. There's a secure compound. It's not far. We gotta cover each other, two-by-two. Help me lift him. Parkes. Parkes. We can't take him. Fucking, no... We're not fucking leaving him! If you carry him, they will fucking mow you down trying. - I'm gonna fucking carry him! - They will mow you down trying! Based off his situation, he will get picked up. - You're fucking sick, sergeant. - He will get picked up. You understand me? Inkelaar, Maguire, you clear our exit. Now fucking guard it, go! One minute out. Fucking bullshit. Fuck this bullshit. Left side, clear. Sergeant, more MTRs. Impact in five, four, three, two, one. you're clear for egress. Godspeed. Move it! Last man! Get fluids in you, now. All of you. Inkelaar. lnkelaar. Those IEDs. Were they for the monsters? Or for us? Both. Renegade, Tiger One. Copy. Renegade, Tiger One, prepare to receive... [gunshofl Inks! [gunshofl Ow! Frankie! - Frankie... - Fuck! Shit, I'm fucking hit! Frankie, stay down. Stay down! Mike, is Inks hit? Fuck, man. Stay down, Frankie! Parkes. .. Parkes. Parkes. You follow what I do. You follow what I do. Follow what I do. Follow what I do. What the fuck's going on? I'm gonna help you... Frankie. Frankie! No. No. Get your fucking hands off me! You watch. Helpless. Like we watch. Get your fucking hands off him! I will fucking kill you! Get your hands off him! No... no! No! Frankie... Frankie. Frankie, you gotta stay awake. Okay, you gotta stay awake for me. Somebody help him! Oh, God, sergeant! Shh, Maguire. Maguire, look at me. Look at me. Look at me, Maguire. Keep looking at me, it's okay. It's okay, shh. Okay- --. Frankie, you gotta stay awake for me, man, okay? I'm sorry... I fucked up, Mike. No! Frankie! Look at me, man. Look at me, don't go. Frankie, look at me. Don't leave me! No, fuck! Frankie! Fuck. Fuck. I'm going to clear the building. There's two bikes out back. You meet me there. We do what we need to do right now. Parkes! Parkes! Parkes? Fucking... Look at me. Parkes, you're in shock. You're in shock. Now you listen to me, you do what I tell you. Come here. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Where are you? We're about 80-90 klicks east of the extraction point. We're going to find these lost men and bring them home with us. Not with us, there's men behind already. I'm not leaving four more. We might not have enough gas. We might have enough... enough ammo. All right. We're gonna be okay, Parkes. If you listen to me and you do what I tell you to do. We will complete this mission. All right, we'll complete this mission. You ever been outside of Detroit, Parkes? No. I never been anywhere like this. You have family? What does your father do for a living? I don't know. You don't know? No. Never met him. The thing I keep with me when I'm on tour is this walk. I do it every time I get back. I don't get picked up from the barracks, I... I take the bus. First thing I do, I walk straight over to this piece of shit Korean liquor store on the corner, because they've got the coldest beer. And then I walk to my house, drinking the beer. I get to my front door my wife answers. My daughter, she stands right there next to her. And the last time I got back, I got to my door, I could see it in my daughters eyes. It was just for a moment. But she was scared. She didn't know who the fuck I was. Why don't you just stop? Sit on your porch with your kid and drink cold beer for the rest of your life. I came here to keep her safe. You think we're doing that? Yes, I do. It's a school bus. Look for water. Look for water. Fuck! Ah, fuck. Fuck. He's alive. He's alive. What do we do? We leave him here. Or we help him on his way. Help him on his way. You think he's in pain? Yeah. I think so. God... Stop. Stop. Fucking stop! Fucking mess... Stop it. Just fucking stop! ' Where you going? Lower your weapons. Put your weapons down. This boy is dying. Wejust found him. Cigarette? Hello. No. It's the monsters. Yeah... two days. Look what they did to you. How did you let them do this to you? I never had a fucking chance. Bang... Bang... Bang". I'm not fucking scared of the monsters. What is that thing? Are those spores? It is. It's releasing spores in the ground. What, you think this is a fucking game? You took an unacceptable fucking risk, private. There's four soldiers out there. I'm going to find them and bring them home. The only thing keeping you alive is this mission, you understand? You jeopardize my position, I swear I'll take the necessary action. You understand me? You fucking understand? Oh, you're holding hands with some village girl. Get your mind opened, is that it, huh? Yes, sergeant. Come here. I want to show you something. - Come here. - Get the fuck... Come here, I wanna fucking show you... Get the fuck off me! NOW look it! Huh? You're not a fucking hero. You don't get to feel. You do the mission. You do not deviate, you do not question. You move on. Get on your feet. There's a settlement that's close to here. Our men will be there. I will complete this mission. Now get on your fucking feet, private. All right, check him. Hey. What are you doing out here? It's okay. You see that? It's just a baby. Sergeant! [gunshofl - Hey! - Hey, come here. Come here, come here. Come here, where did you get that? Huh? Come here... Where did you get this? Where did you get this? You show me. You show me. You show me. Who killed those men? Who killed those fucking men? I wanna know. Who killed those men? Tell me! Come here. You fucking get in here. Get in here! Get back! Why am I fucking here? To collect fucking bodies? Why are those men lying out there? I wanna know why! Why are those men lying out there? Why am I fucking here? Why am I not in my fucking house! I don't know who my fucking daughter is anymore! Fuck you people! I'll put bullets in your fucking head! I don't know who you are! Sergeant... No! Put your weapon down! Put your weapon down! Put it the fuck down, now! Why am I here? Tell me! Tell me. Tell me! Alicia. Yes? Would you want to run for state's attorney? What? Would you want to run for state's attorney? I... No. Why not? Why not? Eli, Are you serious? Yes, I've been watching you for the last five years. You'd be perfect. We need a woman, And people respect you. They like you... I'm not a politician, eli. But you have political instincts. And you're a brand. Well, you said yourself you want something new. The empty-nest syndrome. zach's gone now. Yes, and I have another child. Is this about peter? Did he tell you to ask me? No, no. Then, why are you doing this? I'm nevsaying, "yes." Because you could win. - Hello? - Yeah, it's me. Nothing. I-I think we need to talk. We did talk. You yelled at me. I yelled at you. Is it peter? Diane called. She wants to meet tomorrow For breakfast to talk over terms. Great. What time? No, I didn't say that we would meet. She wants to bring us $38 million in business. I don't see the downside. Losing our culture, Co-opting ourselves By becoming lockhart, florrick agos. So, we'll have the breakfast, And then we'll decide if we want to be co-opted, okay? I'll call her, set it up. Hey. Where are you? Why? 'cause I want to talk. You did talk. can everyone just give me a break? Sure, maybe you should call "everyone." Look, I made a mistake. Things have been a bit out of control lately, But I want to make it up, okay? Coral bar. But you'd better hurry up, because I'm not waiting. Good. I'll see you in ten. Don't you dare turn around! Drop the keys! Look straight ahead! ...To the ground! You move one inch Or I will put one in the back of your head! Get your hands behind your back! Move! Move! Get your arm... Don't you resist me! Don't you move! I'll break your arm! What do you have in your pocket? Anything that's gonna stick me? Anything sharp? No. Are you sure? Yes. Lose the attitude. Just a wallet. What did I do? Shut the hell up. Let's go. Yeah? Hey! Where are you? Uh, who is this? Damn, kalinda, I'm offended. You really don't know who this is? Sophia. Yeah, don't sound so surprised. Where are you? Me? Where are you? I am finishing up a case. I feel like celebrating. Keep me company? No, thank you. Kalinda. I'm meeting somebody. Who? Somebody. A guy. Okay. I can take you both on. Where are you? Good night, sophia. Come on! I'm lonely. And horny. Yeah. Good luck with that. I was supposed to meet someone, can I just... Can I just tell them I'll be late? Oh, sure. I'll pull right over. Yeah, you want some ice cream? Still want to meet up? I think I'm gonna be sick. Hello? Detective? I haven't been given my call, yet. I know my rights. I've been here six hours, And I haven't gotten my call. Thank you. Seriously? Look, I have a sixth amendment right To be informed of the charges against me. I have the right to an attorney. You know who has the hardest time getting arrested? Lawyers. You know why? Because we know our rights. No. You think you're at the four seasons. You asked for your sixth amendment rights, it'll come, Just not right away. The kitchen's a little busy. Might take a little while. In the meantime, be patient. We'll get to you. This is harassment. No, it's worse. It's inefficiency. Should we do this another time? No, let's start. I'll fill cary in when he gets here. I have 45 clients I intend to bring to florrick-agos. I lose 12 to lockhart/gardner. Won't canning and david lee come after the rest? Not if I don't tell them I'm leaving. That sounds familiar. But I have demands first. Kalinda. She needs to come with me. We have robyn. Kalinda's better. It's a deal-breaker. I have to talk to cary. They have a certain... Relationship that might prove difficult. If the answer is "no," then I need to know right away. I'll let you know by the end of the day. Good. Here's the big one. I expect an equal vote with cary and you. You can still out-vote me two-to-one, But I bring with me prestige. And 38 million. I expect an equal vote. I can't decide that on my own. It'll matter to cary. Like this meeting mattered to him? Alicia, We have a chance to make this the largest firm In the country run by women. Think about it. Cary, look, if you're not interested in our future, Just let me know, okay? And I'll start making decisions on my own. Call me by 3:00, Or I am gathering the partners together for a vote. I was awake. Okay? You were asleep, And I heard what the charge was against you. You did? What? Drugs. Okay, on your feet. Let's go. Let's see here. Did you guys get any breakfast? What the hell did he just say? What? What the hell did he just say about where to walk? I have no idea... You stay to the right, jackass! That side is for the people, This side is for the scum. Do you understand me? Just do what I do. Let me see your hands. It's kind of dark in there. Inside. Hands. Walk. Where's cary? Breakfast with you, I thought. He didn't make it. I'll try him at home. Hey. I know you. I didn't do anything. This is my space. No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. You're a lockhart/gardner client now. What? No. What? Look, do you want to make $100? $150 cash bond, payable on release. let's go, let's boogie. I hate this. Why am I doing this? Look, he's the son of a top client. Canning couldn't make it. Here he comes. David howell. Mail fraud, third offense. Dear god. I can understand the second time. But the third time, you'd think he'd catch on. David! How are you? I'm david lee, I represent your family law business, but... I'm supposed to give you a message. I've been asked to handle your bond hearing. There-there's a lawyer in lockup that it really should be a simple matter. Wants me to give you a message. Look, only one of us can talk at a time, david! What lawyer? Um. Well, wait. Uh, it starts with a "c." Uh, craig? Lanz. Lanz. Uh, no. No. Vargas. Uh, no. It's something. Uh, he's a lawyer, and he's in lockup. But he-- but he works for another firm. Cary. Agos? Is that the name of the lawyer? No, lanz. Cary lanz. Is cary there, alicia? No, he's not. Why? Is there any chance he was arrested? Asa polmar? Finn, it's alicia. I need your help. Why? What's wrong? There's a chance my partner is in central holding. all right, let's go. Who's next? Thanks for doing this, finn. Alicia, no problem. But, ah, I don't think you're gonna want to thank me. Why? I just found out I'm the asa. On cary's case? Yeah. Across from me? Yeah. Well, this should prove interesting. Yeah. Oh, thank god. How did you know? Kalinda. Good. Okay. It's a drug arrest. That's all I know. But the last time I used drugs Was the mushrooms four years ago. Do you have enough for bail? I pooled the partners. I have $500 cash. First offense, no flight risk. It shouldn't be a problem. Cary agos. No matter what, I talk. Well, I see we're enjoying a visit from a special asa. Is this some sort of a "vip" engagement? This is not just another routine arrest, your honor. Mr. Cary agos is accused of a super x felony. It is a non-probationable offense With a minimum sentence of 15 years. My goodness. Smack or crack? Heroin, your honor. How many grams? 900 grams. Are-- you're kidding. And we ask that court assign bail In excess of $1.3 million. ...Assign bail in excess of $1.3 million dollars. I imagine you'd like bail set At an amount lower than the asa requested. Yes, your honor. Clearly, the state's attorney is overreaching. How I wish I were, your honor, But, in illinois, bail is tied With the street value of the controlled substance. Now, on or about may 25 of this year, Mr. Cary agos conspired to transport And sell $1.3 million in... Your honor, mr. Agos has a clean record. He has major ties in the community, And he is as far from a flight risk as it's possible to be. And he was an asa. Therefore, he's subject to retribution in jail. And yet his incentive to flee Is directly tied to the harshness Of the sentencing guidelines. I, therefore, will match bail to street value. Your honor, I will be filing a motion to reconsider. When you file, I will do just that. Bail is set at $1.3 million, To be posted at a hundred percent. We will reconvene for a preliminary hearing In two weeks' time. I'll gather the partners for bail. This has to be about bishop. Were you with him on may 25? I never heard about any drug transport. They're going after your legal advice, trying to suggest That you told him how to break the law. You need to get to bishop before he hears about my arrest. He might think I'll flip. I'm on it! I'm on my way to see you now, mr. Bishop. If you could just give me ten minutes. Regarding? I'd rather not say on the phone. You know it's important, if I'm calling you like this. I'm picking up dylan from school. I-I'll meet you there! See you in ten minutes. Hello, florrick-agos. Robyn, I need you to get the partners together. I'll be in in an hour. Okay, is this about the diane vote? no. And could you find out how much the firm can borrow? What do you mean? Like, for maintenance? We have a $600,000 line of credit. No, cary was arrested last night. It's for his bail. Oh, my god. How much is bail? I need you to keep this between us, robyn... We need to raise $1.3 million. That's my call-waiting. $1.3 mill... Yes, and there are no bail bondsmen in illinois, So, we have to do this on our own. I've got to go. This is alicia. Okay, I've slept on it, And I'd like your permission to poll on your campaign. Eli. No, there is no campaign. I know. That's why we have to poll. Eli, this is not the best time. I have to go and meet... Look, you're not obligated to act on... Eli, I'm hanging up. No polling. It won't cost you anyth... I liked your old office better. This is more like a dentist office. We're saving money. I thought chicago was corrupt. Can't you just steal more? Don't you have something else to do today? I told you I was fired. From the agency? The juice bar. What are you doing now? I'm looking out the door. Why? I'm surveying the troops. Is it about the intern not wearing panties? What? The intern not wearing panties. Is that why you're worried? Which intern is not wearing panties? Her. Bertha? She's a grandmother. No, behind her. Oh, dear god. How do you know she's not wearing any panties? I heard the guys talking. Uh-oh. Maybe he's telling her she has to put on panties. "really? I have to wear panties In the governor's office? Are you sure?" "for decorum's sake, yes. If it were up to me, You could wear what you wanted." "ha, ha, ha, ha." Don't say anything. This is not the time to be funny. Eli, I need to talk to you. Hello. Hi. This is my daughter, marissa. Marissa, what a pleasure. Peter. Nice to meet you. I voted for you. Absentee ballot in israel. She spent two years with the idf. That's impressive. I'm gonna steal your dad For just a second. Um... You asked alicia to run? What? My wife, alicia florrick. You asked her to run for state's attorney. Jackie overheard you. Okay, peter. Here's the thing. I... No. She's my wife. Yeah. And she can win. It's not your job to be doing... It imy job, peter. Why do you think I'm fighting so hard To get a friendly face in the state's attorney's office? Because you have problems there. Dig up old skeletons. All right. Find another "friendly face." It's not going to be my wife. End of story. Thank you for seeing me, mr. Bishop. I'll make this fast. Cary agos was arrested. Who's he? My partner, your other lawyer. Oh, the kid. Right. We wanted you to hear it from us first. They're saying that he helped transport $1.3 million in heroin On may 25. We want you to know that we are handling this. What's that mean? We're putting together his bail, And I'm representing him. What's his bail? $1.3 million. Again, I want you to know That attorney-client privilege covers All his dealings with you. Not illegal dealings. It's my considered opinion There were no illegal dealings. Also, cary would never make a deal with the state's attorney. Ever. They're using him to get to me. That's why the bail amount. Yes. And we're handling this. Cary will not turn on you, mr. Bishop. Believe me. Okay. Keep me posted. Dylan! Over here! If anyone has any drugs, Or anything, in any orifice, Now's the time to tell me. Shoes held by the toes, pull out your insoles. Now! Let's go, let's go! Now, bang those shoes together. Drop your shoes, Hold your arms out. Put your palms facing the ceiling. Do not-- I repeat, do not smudge this, Or you will have my full attention. Cary agos. Let's go. This is your new home. This is where you will live. I am your landlord. Don't make me angry. Number five. Hey. Five minutes. You stood me up. Yes. Between having a drink with you or spending a night in jail. So, the charge said, "on or about may 25"? What happened on may 25? You working this? You want me working this? Thank you. We don't have time to gush. Okay? What happened? We were worried about losing clients... Cary, lean in. We were worried about losing clients, So I met with bishop to see if he was happy. That was on may 25. Bishop alone? No. In his kitchen, While I was waiting before, there were three crew members. No, I don't-I don't think they said their names. They just... One had silver teeth. Top row. Okay. What did you tell them? Nothing illegal. You know the charge says that You told them how to elude arrest In the next drug shipment. I didn't. Okay, but is there any way that Whatever you said could have been misconstrued? Not reasonably. Show me your arm. "c-block. 8-6-9..." That's five. Any advice? Yeah. Find a friend. Thank you. You're kidding, right? You're retiring? Yes, at the end of the month. I want to keep the general managership until then. After that, you can have it. Diane... Is retiring. What? Why? you're kidding. You're forcing me out. I'm sick of fighting. Yes, but not so you'd retire. Where are you going? Nowhere. She's retiring. Oh. Well, I'm sorry to hear it. Well, it's time. I want to have a life with my new husband. You will put in a good word for us with your clients. Yes, as long as you don't chase them till I'm retired. I want this to be a dignified exit. Oh, uh... Absolutely. You believe her? That she's retiring? I don't know. Where would she go? I thought diane was retiring. She is retiring-- from lockhart/gardner, And coming here to us. Wh-why didn't she tell us? She's our lawyer. Yes, and due to her Fiduciary responsibility to lockhart/gardner, She can't tell you a thing Including the fact that She wants you to follow her here, To her new home. Would you excuse me a second? We can't let cary rot in prison. Well, what about his family? I thought his parents were rich. I called them. They're seeing what they can pull together. I mean, it's $1.3 million. That's a lot of money... Robyn... I checked with the bank, and it'll require borrowing $200,000 against the firm, And each partner needs to put aside their yearly draw. Okay, that's... Oh... Hey, guys, This is what we do. When one of us gets In trouble, we... We pull together. Yeah. And cary's not a flight risk. The money, it comes back to us. Yes, in two years, after the case has been settled. And in the meantime, we go bankrupt. And I need that draw to pay my rent. I mean, I'm sorry, but... I think you're being selfish. Okay. Hey. Let's vote. Are you a lawyer? Yeah. Do you need one? Depends on how much you charge. I'm pretty reasonable. What do you need? Yeah, I was there. You were with cary agos? Bishop's lawyer? Yeah. This was on the 25th of may? Around then. That's when I was at bishop's house. And this lawyer, he didn't tell you anything About how to break the law. Is that correct? Yeah. Pretty much. Will you testify to that? It's for bishop, right? Yeah. Oh, uh, Could you make a list Of the people that were there? In bishop's kitchen? Mm-hmm. Sure. Excuse me. Kalinda. You can't do that. Do what, sir? Talk to my guys. Not without my permission. May I have your permission? No. This is to help cary agos. I understand that. No. If it helps cary, it helps you. Because cary threatens me. No. Because cary had a private meeting With three members of your crew, And suddenly he's under arrest. Someone is collaborating with the police. If that's true... I'll handle it. I'm going to say this very carefully, So you understand. I don't want you to pursue This line of investigation. Do you understand? Yeah. Good. Good talking to you. These represent our most recent numbers On the state's attorney race. We focused on the top three candidates. In a hypothetical race between the current state's attorney, James castro, and the governor's wife, alicia florrick, Mrs. Florrick would win by eight points. Margin of error? Three points. How many people were sampled? Oh, just ignore her. It's my daughter. Just ignore me. 4,000 likely voters. Landlines And cell phones. Mrs. Florrick is well-liked among Female voters, liberal and conservative. That's very unusual. Older female voters liked that she stood by her husband; Younger, that she started her own business. You needed me, mr. Gold? Actually, nora Needed to talk to you. No, I don't. Yes, you do. You-you said you needed to ask lauren a question. Could you give us a second? I can't ask her. It's sexual harassment. But asking me to ask her isn't sexual harassment? - Oh, dear god. - Come on, nora. You can bring up panties in a much more efficient And less offensive way than I can. Oh, really? Why do you want to know what she's got going on under there? Are you wearing panties? What? Are you wearing panties? Some of the office workers Are saying you're not wearing Panties. Does that answer your question? Bonita, I need you to do another poll-- This one about the governor. Personal or professional? Personal. Your son could stay in prison for a year, sir. A full year, awaiting trial... Okay. Yes. Thank you. He can go as high as $8,000. You're kidding. I thought his dad was a lobbyist. He said it's a bad time of year. Okay. We have 100 from the firm. Eight from the family. Cary has 200 saved. We're $975,000 away. We're a million away. No. I have $15,000 in savings, and my parents loaned me $10,000. Robyn... You can't. Well, of course I can. Cary would do the same for me. We're still $975,000 short. Who are you calling, bishop? No. Hi, moira. It's alicia. I was wondering if you had any time today. I wanted to talk about my condo. Possibly taking out a second mortgage. Hey, it's only money. Alicia? Judge karpman's Office is calling. You're needed in court. That's bond court. The judge is hearing my motion to reconsider on bail. Moira? I'm gonna have to call you back, okay? Thanks. Here we go again. Maybe you can raise the bail to $3 million this time. Why didn't I think of that? Ah, counselors. I understand that you wish to review The cary agos situation. Is that right, asa polmar? Uh, actually, your honor, I made a motion to reduce the bail amount... Yes. And your motion was denied. Mr. Polmar? Yes, your honor. Mrs. Florrick works as cary agos's partner, But she also represents lemond bishop, A drug dealer complicit in this matter. So you wish to disqualify her as his representative? Yes, your honor. Your honor, cary agos Chose me as his lawyer And has waived all concerns About conflict of interests... Yes, but the court has not. The prosecution's motion is granted. Wow, I didn't see that coming. Well, you should be honored. I didn't want to go up against you. Is this about your sister? Is what about my sister? This drug case. Is it about your sister's overdose? Yeah, 'cause that's what I need is a motive To bring down the top drug dealer in town. Cary agos isn't the top drug dealer in town. No, but he's enabled the top drug dealer in town. As have I. Is this gonna get in the way of a friendship, alicia? I hope not. Good. I don't want it to. Neither do I. My apologies. Okay. I need you to represent cary. He was arrested. One of bishop's crew is claiming That he told them how to avoid detection On a drug shipment. How large was the shipment? $1.3 million in heroin. That's not good. Uh... Wait, it's not good for cary, Or it's not good for us? Both. My clients won't like to see My new name partner under arrest. He was arrested Because he was fighting for his client. He puts his life on the line for them. Okay. She's going with florrick-agos. No, too small potatoes. Ah, it fits diane's romantic soul. Then there's an opportunity. What would that be? Cary agos was arrested a few days ago. A drug charge. Oh. I, uh, I need your help, kalinda. Cary's been arrested. I know. Oh. It has to do with bishop. You knew that, too. I did. Okay, so you need to talk To the other people in bishop's crew, Find out who was in this meeting with cary? Look, bishop doesn't want us To talk to any of his crew. He wants us to defend cary in another way. Look, I have an idea, But I'll get back to you when I have more, okay? Hey! Kalinda. Hey. what? Oh, come on, I'm just giving the boys Something to fantasize about. What's up? What do you need me for? Why did you call me Thursday night? Why did I call you? I think I made that pretty clear. The first time in three years, You just decide to call me? Yeah. At the exact moment Cary agos was being arrested? You're working with the police. You knew about the arrest, And you knew I'd get picked up, too, So you kept me occupied. Look, I didn't want you to get swept up in all that crap. What evidence have they got against cary? What evidence? Why? Is there someone undercover in bishop's crew? And what makes you think Even if I knew I'd tell you? Because you could get into trouble With your p.I. Firm For warning me about the arrest. Really? Mm-hmm. After I help you, keep you safe, Out of the goodness of my heart, You're gonna use that against me? Who's the c.I. In bishop's crew? Hello. Eli. I'm surprised. How are you? Good. Good, mr. State's attorney. I have some great news for you. The governor has reconsidered. He wants to endorse you. Well, that is music to my ears. When did that happen? Shh. There's just one thing I need you to do for me, james. Peter's a proud man. You'll need to ask him again. Why? He can't be seen reversing himself Without you making some effort. I'm not going to kiss the ring again, eli. I know, you don't have to. I'll arrange for a meeting tomorrow afternoon. Trust me, it's just a formality. I'll see you then. Okay. Huh? Your father's a smart man. How'd your preliminary go? Well, I told the public defender what you said. He said he'd try it. Thanks. Hey, Sometimes the law is nothing more Than calling another man's bluff. Well, you could help me with something else, cary. What? Bishop. He wants me to cut your finger off. I told him you were okay, I didn't need to. You knew who your friends were. I do. Yeah, so that's why I'm here. To remind you. I mean, you talk to the sa, You ask about any kind of deal, You're dead. You understand? I do, I do. I do. Good. Now-now, I have to do this, all right? You fell down against the bars and you cut yourself. What? Even to your lawyer, That's what you say. You fell down Against the bars, you cut yourself. You're not sure how. Just yell "guard." What? It's a test, all right? Bishop wants to help you, But he needs to know you understand. So, count to four, And yell "guard." I-I-I... Guard... Guard! I just fell down. It's nothing serious. You cut yourself falling down? A... Against the bars. Yeah. Cary, are you being intimidated? Because we can get you transferred. No, everything is good. What else do you have? Well, we want to win this In preliminary hearing, but we don't know What the state's attorney has. And bail? We're working on it. How much does florrick-agos have? A portion. Ask my dad. I hate asking him, but he might come up With the rest. You already tried him? No, no. I'll give him a call. Okay. Did the dad offer anything? $8,000. I'll see what I can come up with. ...A thousand registered cook county voters all considered Likely voters, castro polled better Than your three alternates-- jenlowe, hart and barnwright. How much better? 12 to 14 points. Did you try any other names? What? Your wife, mr. Governor. Eli, I said no. The poll was already in the works. I don't care. She's not running. You don't want to hear the results? I can guess. She did well. She's a brand. So what? She polled eight points Higher than castro. She beat him in every demographic. We polled every political name against castro. And she's the only one who won. Handedly. And her favorables, bonita? They're at 80%. She's the most popular name in chicago. Well, because she's not in politics. Put her in politics, And she becomes a politician. People hate politicians. Bonita, would you step out for a second? Peter, I am your chief of staff. It is my job is to keep you from being hit By the knowns and the unknowns. What are the unknowns? Your intern not wearing any panties. You're kidding, right? Your intern Comes to work sans panties. And lifts her dress up in the middle of work. Well, hell, eli, tell her not to. It's lauren, peter. Your intern. The one you won't let me fire. I told you not to fire her. I didn't tell you to let her run around like a cat in heat. I have no control over someone I can't fire! Someone you're... Look, what does this have to do with alicia running? I did scandal polling. Dear god! Using all fictitious names. The possibility of you surviving another sexual scandal If alicia doesn't stand beside you. You know what? This is sick. What's sick Is that I'm the one trying to keep alicia on board. Yes. Because you're not married to her. Exactly! Castro wants to meet. What? Castro wants to make another case for your endorsement. He pleaded with me for a meeting. If we're not having alicia run, You should listen to him. Alicia, you have a few clients here... Diane said that She'd kick in some money for cary's bail. We need to call her and get her... Alicia, wait. Bishop is here. What? Why? Mr. Bishop, hello. Uh, you should've called. Is everything all right? Yes. Thank you. I'm here to have a general conversation About my business holdings. Okay. I'm-I'm not... How can I help you with that? Actually... Why don't I wait here while you deal With the gentleman at your desk? Okay. Mr. Roja, hello. How can I help you? Yes. Uh, we've met before, mrs. Florrick. I own a string of businesses, which includes Dry cleaners and health clubs. Yes. I know. I... Have decided to pay Your partner's bail. You decided? This is, uh... 1.5 mill. That should cover the bail. The bail is 1.3. Okay, uh... Okay... 1.3 million. I would suggest that you take that To the bank and get a cashier's check. Excuse me. Just so you know. I was here to talk over my business holdings. I had nothing to do with mr. Roja's business. Do we understand each other? Yes. Well, why don't I let you two talk? So... You want my endorsement? Actually I was told That you had had a change of heart. So, what does this do? Peter thinks castro wants the meeting. Castro thinks peter wants the meeting. They're both prideful and... I want to learn your job. No, you don't. I think I'd be good at it. Absolutely ridiculous! Thanks a lot, eli. Everything all right, mr. Governor? Um... Find out if alicia wants to run. Look, all I know is diane is retiring. We just think you should know something about florrick-agos. Cary agos was arrested On a drug charge. What? Florrick-agos is an outlaw firm. We advise you to stay with a family law firm like... Lockhart/gardner/canning. Nice offices, kalinda. It's very impressive. Can I have some bottled water? How about some ice? How about you tell me who the c.I. Is. I can't. Okay. Who is that? Your boss. I'm telling him you warned me off so I wouldn't be arrested. That'd be a bitchy thing to do. Hi. Can I speak to mr. Redmond, please? If you want me to help you, Hang up the phone. I can't tell you who the c.I. Is. Kalinda, you would tell bishop. Bishop would have him killed. But there is a c.I.? Your friend, cary? He's guilty. He's going away for 20 years. Guilty of what? He told bishop's crew how to avoid Getting arrested for the latest shipment. That's conspiracy. That's according to a c.I. a c.I. Who has reason to lie. No, it's not. It's according to this. There's a recording. - 1.3 million in bail. - I should frame this. Yeah. I know. I felt the same way. As you can see, your honor, as angering as the defense has Found this extortionist bail, we have met it. Cary agos should be released. Yes. That seems clear. Unless there's anything further, asa? Asa polmar? What's he doing? I don't know. Your honor, we object to these funds and we... What? You object? Yeah, and we ask for a source of funds hearing. Your honor, this is a delaying tactic. We believe these funds are derived from drug sales, Your honor, the very charge against the defendant. You believe? An innocent man is being held in holding. The defendant has been charged with conspiracy To transport drugs. We would argue That this bail money is a pay off for that action. It is money derived from a drug dealer protecting his own. There are so many suppositions In that argument, your honor, I don't Even know where to begin. Well, why don't we begin With a source of funds hearing? Excuse me! No, no! No, no, no! Both of you, Step back behind the bar. Behind the bar. Given the size of this bail posting, I will schedule a source of funds hearing One week from today. In the meantime, we ask That mr. Agos be released, your honor. Mr. Agos will remain as our guest Until we can establish that these funds did not come From the sale of drugs. Is it from bishop? Not specifically. Cary, we'll get you out soon! Stay safe! Stay to the right! Keep your eyes down! Eight bodies moving! Hey! Kalinda? Hey! What did I just tell you? I told you to keep your eyes down! You understand me? Do you understand me? ! I understand. "Like buds we are, naive kids." "Naughty we got, when knickers kicked in." "Of same colour, our knickers are." "Man, my buddy you are." "Like buds we are, naive kids." "Naughty we got, when knickers kicked in." "Of same colour, our knickers are." "Man, my buddy you are." "Up on the shoulders, into the ears.." "In by-lanes and closed stores.." "We took a leak as we pleased." "Toilets are something never we leased." "Up on the shoulders, into the ears.." "In by-lanes and closed stores.." "We took a leak as we pleased." "Shooed we were by the people displeased." "Shoes you are, I am your lace." "My broken buttons, you stitch." "Shoes you are, I am your lace." "Drunk I get, when you drink." "Shoes you are, I am your lace." "Man, what is this that you have done!" "Shoes you are, I am your lace." "Chaos is when this world laughs." "As we came of age, we started chasing girls..." "Now we use oil, little is the gel left in the hair.." "The thrashing we got from our parents ruined our picture.." "Now we look like riddles, people try to diddle us." "Shoes you are, I am your lace." "Shoes you are, I am your lace." Tomatoes, radish, round gourd. A new cover for the fridge. 'Aunt Richa taunts, I'm the female in my family.' 'I care a damn.' 'I'm a better cook than her.' 'I can boost, I am better than most.' 'Last Holi, I made ladyfinger chips.' 'Everyone in the vicinity still remembers its taste.' 'It's my childhood dream..' 'That I own a restaurant.' 'The one that belongs to me.' 'Somewhere in near future.' 'But there's still time for that.' 'First I need to clear high school.' 'Do you always end up denting your car? ' 'Do you keep getting demoted at work? ' 'Does your wife cheat on you? ' 'Do you keep flunking your exams? No problem.' 'Seek our sage's blessings. Hot and fresh.' 'A blessing as hot and fresh as a home-cooked meal.' 'And now watch, The Food Treasure.' Kuku.. - Yes, papa? When are you getting your results? It will take another day or two. - Why? Papers are getting checked in Chennai. Chennai! They are hard markers. But mom, I had prepared so well for them. It's hard marking. That's why you scored such marks. Then everyone must've scored similarly. Of course! Will I lie to you? Come with me. Stop crying and drink some water. Come on. Here, Rs. 20. Rs. 20? It's Rs. 40. - How? You have two kids. So? - So, can't you read? Public student, Rs. 20. Government student, Rs. 10. Free for failures. So, one of my sons failed. Failed? How? How much did he score? - 85. And this one? - 37. F-37 means passed. For me 37 means failed. How? Give me Rs. 20. - He has failed. What are you staring at? Let's go. Give me Rs. 20! - He has failed! Let's go! Loser! He'll always be a failure! Nonsense! Leave your footwear outside! The carpet's new! Can't you see! You are just barging inside! We've taken them off. We're here to check the results. Did you check out the queue? Can't we skip the queue? "Can't we skip the queue? !" "You think you are entering your own wedding?" 'This man can sell sand to desert dweller and ice to an Eskimo." He is my best friend. His name is Ronnie Gulati. Yogesh, Kuku.. - So? He doesn't have a mother. He's a motherless child. What are you saying? He is always worried. This poor soul does all the household chores. He cooks for his younger sister. He looks after her. Do you want him to wait in the queue? Shouldn't he rather go take care of his house? Think before you speak. Okay. Fine. - Show the results. Come with me, Kuku. Move. What's this commotion? - Come with me. Move. It's so hot.. Sit on his lap, and he'll show the results. Move aside, Raju. Excuse me. Yogesh.. Please move back a little. So, public or government? - Public. Okay. Number? 15,419 dollar. - Dollar? Helps remember the number. Okay. And yours? Add one. 15420? 15420. "Grandpa's Grandson!" You always seek sympathy over my dead mother. It gets the job done. Here you go.. 89! 90! 89! - 89! So? - 90! Let's go! Party time! Pay up! - Let's go! 90! 89! - 90! Party! 90! 90%! 90%! 90%! Kuku got 90%...! Papers must've leaked! 'I've been getting tutored by Seema since the last 7 years.' 'But the real reason is Mitali.' 'She stays across the street.' 'I'm 5.10".' 'And she's 5.9".' 'Our heights match, Ronnie says.' Mitali. - Yes mom. 'Mitali's mom, Malti.' 'They are well-known in our vicinity.' 'People gossip about them.' 'They take a lot of lifts.' 'But only from big shots.' 'But that's not true.' 'It's all rubbish! ' 'One day, I too will give her a lift.' 'And I know..' 'Mitali won't refuse it.' What are you doing? Let's go. Nothing. Let's go. My cousin too has it. In that he runs like this. Where's the community centre? The community centre? - We are new here. We don't know. What..? - Grandpa says, first rule in business Never waste time on something that won't give any return. Let's go. This is a shoe. Now tell me what is this? - Sole. Not a sole. Ordinary shoes have sole. This contains a shocker. Big cars have shocker, so that they don't get shock. So that their outer beauty remains intact. That's why this too contains a shocker. So this shoe can never get damaged. So, should I prepare the bill? Let me tell you something special about it. Its' design too is amazing. Superb! The air flows in from here and flows out from here itself! Cross-ventilation. - Exactly! Check it out! Uncle, isn't the tick the other way around? You are look at it in the wrong way. Here, now it is straight. When you walk wearing this, it will be straight. Right? Just like an aeroplane. Great! Let me see. Are they original? Tony! - No! He's joking! What kind of a joke is this? ! You mean, I've a warehouse full of shoes.. And I keep stamping shoes with Nicky logos and selling them stealthily? No, uncle. Sorry, uncle. - He was joking. He doesn't know. - It's okay. How much does it cost? Rs. 1550, only for you. How much will you sell it for? - 1550. Discount? One rupee. 1549.. So, should I prepare the bill? Should I buy them? - Buy them. Prepare the bill. - Wonderful. God bless you. Tony! - Yes. There's a Tony here and a Tony there as well. I'm not talking to you. You've started lying a lot. Why did I lie to you? Don't you work in a sari shop? Yes. So what? It's been months.. You didn't send a sari for me. I'll send you one soon. - Yeah, right. Hey, you speak as if I've never sent you anything. What did you send? Tell me. Don't you remember the mobile phone? Didn't I send it to you? That mobile phone? It's useless. - Why? Your mother.. - What happened to her? Nothing's wrong with her. Your mother keeps playing games on it. She doesn't let me have it. I'm calling you from a STD booth. You've not done anything for me. You haven't sent anything for me. You don't even enquire about my wellbeing. It won't make any difference to you if I die. Don't worry. I'll send something for you. Who is it? - My friends. Hang up. I'll call you later. You have time for your friends, but not for me. How are you Suresh? - Why did you marry me? Tell me. It's been six months since I last saw you. Why do you say so? - Why did you marry me? Listen.. - You don't have time for me. 'Ronnie's grandpa has a Sari Shop in Geeta colony.' 'All the stock lies in the warehouse.' 'And it is delivered to the shop as and when required.' 'But for us, it's our joint.' 'We enjoy our booze here.' 'By booze, I mean fruit beer.' 'A fake beer. But it gives a feeling of being sloshed.' I'll ask dad to buy me a second-hand bike. A bike, why? I saw Mitali today. I see her everyday. What's new? I've been going around with her since ages. Got it? You've been going around on foot where as she is racing ahead.. On bikes with boys. Dogs! - True! I'll get them for you. He's talking to his wife. - Don't worry. He is blushing. True love. - Why would I lie to you? Bottoms up? Bottoms up! "I'm sloshed. I'm sloshed. I'm sloshed." I'm sloshed. I'm sloshed. Fruit beer gave me a high, man! "Kuku!" 90%.. You got a gold medal in Olympics. 90% in physical education. You choose this as the fifth subject without my permission. Are NASA guys into bodybuilding these days? Do scientists exercise? What about the other subjects? Maths.. 44.. And English? Papa, no matter the subject. This is the first time he scored 90%. It's not like he got 'Compartment' in the others subjects, like always. Papa, we deserve a treat. Fine. Make cottage cheese for dinner. Here. Manage everything with this. And this.. - Thank you, papa. "Kuku!" This is for the college form. Go to the college tomorrow and fill up a form. Oh yes, do you have a passport size photograph? Yes, I have it. Fine. Go. Now go. Damn.. They have impinged the whole street. Do you bloody own the street! I rolled down my car's window and said.. "Apologize!" Hello. - Hi. Desraj, isn't this the safari suit.. ..that you wore for Pintoo's tonsuring ceremony? It's been 12 years, but it still looks the same. Father has a sharp eye.. Anything he sees gets imprinted in his brains. Forever. - All cheer for Desraj! I'll blow this bomb on the DJ's head! It'll blow up like bang! It'll blow up like boom! Bang! - Boom! Bang! - Grandpa! Babloo and Pintoo plan to blow a bomb on the DJ's head. Hemanshu! Yes, grandpa! What's going on out there? Go and find out. Okay Fix it. Bye. I'll call you back. Excuse me. Babloo. Pintoo. What are you doing? Move aside. There goes the bomb. The party is on! It's on! There goes your bomb! You are not eating anything. This is not right. Ronnie? Kuku! I was just about to call you. What's all this? - Even I didn't know. Everyone gave me a surprise when I got home. All of a sudden.. Grandpa.. - What are you wearing? Don't make fun of it! Grandpa got it for me. Don't I look dashing in it? Fits perfectly, doesn't it, Chota? I'm looking handsome, aren't I? It fits you well. - I know, man. What's happening? - Yeah. It's a party. Grandpa has invited freeloaders. He's offering them free cold drinks. It's nothing. Don't worry. We.. Why are you eavesdropping? Go and meet Suchi. - Go. We'll have our party at the warehouse. We'll drink our brand.. Wait.. Our brand.. Here's 100 bucks. Buy two.. - This.. We'll have fun on Sunday. A party at the warehouse. Just a second! They won't let me live. Coming! Go.. - Wait. I'll be back in 10 minutes. Have dinner before you leave. Don't just leave. Okay? And don't forget to buy our brand's.. Just a second! Coming, uncle. Why don't you just kill Ronnie today! Hello, auntie. Hi. How are you? How are you, Kuku? - I'm fine. Everything's great. My baby.. Auntie, Ronnie.. - Where's your father? He.. - I cannot find him. Did you have dinner? - Yes, well.. It's okay. I'll pack some cottage cheese and flatbread. Okay. - Eat and give some to your father. Okay? - Who is he? Ronnie's friend. - Hello, auntie. They don't have a mother. No, it's okay. You are just like my kids. Right, Chota? My son.. Come give me a hug. Switch it on. Hey, they have made the announcement. Let's go. Let's go, son. Come with me. Look at this! 'Ronnie Matching Centre.' Ronnie's settled for life. Not yet. - Why? They have just inaugurated the shop. People need to buy, they need to sell, make profit.. Only then will the shop run smoothly. Who knows whether it will? - How can it not? Grandpa's 60-year-old sari shop is right next to it. People, females who go there to buy saris.. Will they leave without buying blouse and petticoat? Point. - God bless you son. Surprised? His life is set. 'Kuku and Ronnie. Ronnie and Kuku.' 'What's in a name? Both of them are same-same.' 'But after they grew up, everything has changed.' Excuse me.. - Yes? Photo.. Kuku Mathur. Yeah. Just a minute. Here, your photos. Listen.. Your friend, Ronnie, I have his photo with me. Please give it to him. 'Now the confusion was clearing.' 'Not even 20 Kukus could match-up to a single Ronnie.' Water! Water! Water! Water! Water! You want to submit your form? You want a form? Why are you standing in a queue? Take it from me. Water! Water! Water! Sir! What's this? My form? We're closing for the day! Again? Excuse me.. The counter closed.. - 100 bucks. With such marks forget about the state college. Go for physical education. It will be done. Done. Booze! Ronnie...? - He's not here. Where is he? - He didn't tell me. Hey.. What have you got? Yes, Kuku? - Where are you? Where are you? - At the warehouse. You had promised. It's Sunday. Today is Sunday? - Yes. I keep my shop closed on Mondays. We will meet on Monday. You do your own thing. But you promised.. What "you promised, you promised! I told you, I am working. Don't you understand? I'm not sitting idle like you. You keep calling me after every two minutes! Sir.. Why are you leaving? Drink with me. You got the booze, I'll get the glasses. No, I have some work. - What? "Kuku!" Ronnie is now a businessman. Now, what are your plans? "Kuku!" College. Education.. For another 2-4 years. Then a job. Just like your father. Life completely changes. One doesn't get government jobs these days. Go for a private company. Like me. "Kuku!" Hey, Kuku.. Now you too are one of us! Welcome. Have you lost your mind? - Why? What are you saying! Get lost. I don't want to drink with you. What did I say? - Get lost! Come on, everyone. Get in a line. Do you want an invitation? Get in a line! Six in each line. Make three lines. You need to run from this pole to that tree. Okay? You will start running when I blow the whistle. Hello, ma'am. Welcome. - Hi. Why are you looking over there? Concentrate on your run. Get in the line. Come on, get in the line! Take your positions. Get.. Set.. And go! What are you doing? What are you looking at? Sir, the sole came off. Complete the race. Useless! Kuku Mathur, Chaar Minar. - Sir.. You are here for admission? - Sir, he stepped on my shoes.. I don't want arguments. Just answer my question. You won't get admission. Scram. I'll get it if you want me to. What will you get? Have you seen your face in the mirror? You look awful. You want admission. Heed my advice, always leave your house with a coin in your pocket. Why? - Strong winds keep blowing. You might fly away. Sir.. He wants admission. Scram! Sir.. - I told you to leave. I wonder what they think before coming here. Mr. Sharma.. - Yes? Who's next? Water! Water! Water! Water! Okay. Water! Water! Water! Have a glass. What happened? Nothing. - Tell me. You didn't get selected? Then take up a job. Why are you sulking because you didn't get a selected? Will you do a job? A job? 500 bucks. It's just 500 bucks. I'm getting you a job. You'll have to go to Noida. Think over it. Scene 15, Take 2. Silence. Mood. Feel that your friend has ruined you. I'll narrate from here and you'll read from there. Camera! Action! Ajit! My friend.. - Hold it higher. You betrayed me. You pretended to be my friend. And behind my back you had an affair with my wife! One friend ruined another friend's life! You pretended to be my friend. I'll kill you! Hold it properly! -If there is no troublemaker.. ..there shall be no trouble. Dolly! Wake up, Dolly! What is it? - I need to test your fidelity. Ajit was my friend. - Hold it properly. But now he will have to die.. Because of you. But.. - And if you refuse, I shall kill you as well. No, Amit! Don't do that, Amit! Don't say that, Amit! You've been unfaithful to me. I shall never forgive you. No, Amit. It's not so! Hold it like this! Like this! Action! Take 48. "Hey girl..!" "Hey girl, switch on your computer!" "Catch me on internet." "There are thousands of likes on my photo." "On Facebook, love me!" "Come on, add me!" "Log on, girl! Tag me!" "I have a thousand friend requests pending!" "Back off!" - "On Facebook, love me!" "Come on, add me!" "On Facebook, love me!" "Come on, add me!" "Hey girl...!" Kuku, leave that. Get water for me. Do it properly. Go! "Hey boy!" "Back off!" "I feel like sharing the galaxy with you." "I think I should do it before it's too late." "Oh Bubbly, I love you." "By God." "I should download you in my dreams." "I should make you my friend." "We will make history here." "My love shall never shut down." "My love, please say yes." "Don't back out!" "Our worlds shall unite!" "On Facebook.. - Love me!" "Come on.. - Add me!" What are you looking at? Go and do your job. Go, hold the styrofoam. "I've added you." "So what do you think?" "I've added you." "I love you." Hold it properly! What are you doing? Sit down! "Okay. Thank you! Keep it down! What are you doing? Don't you know how to do this? What are you doing? You told me to sit down. - I told you! Shut up! "Hey girl!" Very good. - Nice take, I think. Very good, madam. Excellent. What are you doing? Can't you hold it properly? Very good, boys. - Come with me. - Kuku, get an umbrella for me. What are you doing? Go! Where are you going! - I wonder where they come from! Hurry up! - A burden on earth. Mr. Sharma, look at this poster. I have printed 1 lakh posters. What is this? - Have a look. The hero's photo is larger, like always. If CDs don't sell like hot cakes then tell me! Half yours and half mine. It's the same. - Shut up. Rosy ma'am, tea. Thank you. How is it? - Nice. What is this? Don't you know how to make tea? How much sugar have you added? One and Half.spoons, as instructed. - One and One forth. I have One and One forth spoons of sugar in my tea, not One and Half. Didn't you think it's necessary to ask me? One and Half... a little less than One and Half and a little more than one. One and One forth. Got it? But I was told One and Half.. - Stop your nonsense. Apologise. Apologise to her. Apologise. There's no harm in that. Do you need an invitation to apologise? Sorry. - What "Sorry"! Get lost! And listen, clean my Scooty. I need to leave. Scooty? - Do as she said. Get going. Go. Do it. It's just a Scooty. Go. Go. Get going. Scram. Leave. Go. What's going on? Is this a joke? What kind of people have you kept? I kept him on Mr. Sharma's recommendation. I don't like him. - Tell me something.. First of all, you place some hearts near my photo. Highlight my photo if you are increasing its size. Baby, we will have big hoardings of you during the release. Big ones. - I have seen your hoardings. My photo should shine. The hero will shine. - Stop it. Movies don't sell because of the hero. The heroine should be visible. They have turned me into a laundry boy. Mr. Sharma.. We'll shoot the next scene in a desert. The scene goes like this.. From a distance we can see our hero coming, riding a horse.. Kuku. - Yes sir. Come with me. Write whatever I am saying. Our hero is coming, riding a horse.. On his left hand he is holding the horse's rein.. ..and on his right, a tambourine. Mr. Sharma, the same tambourine which Rishi Kapoor used? The same tambourine. Write same tambourine. Now, in this shot I reveal the heroine.. And the heroine turns, in high speed. And right then, strong winds start blowing.. And our hero who is on a horse, his long hair blows in the wind. Sir, the hero doesn't have long hair. If they aren't long then ask him to make them long by tomorrow. This is not fair. Do one thing.. Call for a curly hair wig. He has an option between that or this. I won't compromise with my shot. Understood? - Yes, sir. Our hero jumps off the camel.. But wasn't the hero was on a horse, sir? So what? Option. Camel's option, horse. And as soon as the tambourine plays, it starts lightening in the desert. And it starts raining. Sir, it doesn't rain in desert. But the winds can blow. A windstorm can come. Write it down! Five helicopter fans. Note it down. Winds will blow, windstorm will come. Whatever we want will happen. Go, follow him. Hurry up and give this list to him. - Sir.. Just a minute, sir. Sir.. Who is it? Tea. - Yes, keep it here. Thank you. Kuku.. "Kuku!" How much sugar did you add today? One and One forth spoons. - One and One forth? Yes. - Then why are you so scared? I don't bite. No, last time you made clean your Scooty because of the sugar. - Yes.. So this time, thinking about what you might make me do.. I added One and One forth spoons of sugar. So cute, Kuku. You will clean the Scooty today as well. You will, won't you? Look, don't think that I am like other snobbish heroines. I am surrounded by selfish people. I am supposed to do it. I cannot be polite to anyone During the first meeting. After all it's the question of Rosy's image. Anyway, now say happy birthday. Happy birthday. - Thank you, Kuku. Now tell me, what will you do for me? Shall we go shopping? Clean the Scooty then we will go. Okay? Listen, what's your plan for tonight? Tonight? Nothing. Then listen, I need a Favour from you. - What favour? I promised my best friend.. ..that we both will go on a double date on my birthday. I know it is senseless, but she is my best friend. Rosy, what's a double date? Kuku, you don't know what a double date is? You are so cute! Double date. Two couples on a date. She'll come with her boyfriend and I'll come with mine. Then, go. With whom? Last night I had a break-up with my businessman boyfriend. Oh shit. How? He didn't call at midnight to wish me. Can you imagine! - Very bad. I kept waiting for his phone call. So many people called me, I didn't attend any calls. Not even my parents'. I kept waiting for his phone call. I think I waited for 20 minutes. Finally, I got irritated and called him up at 12 20am.. Can you imagine, that scoundrel was busy on another call! My call was kept on waiting. So cheap. Shameless. You deserve better. You'll find someone better. Then I will when I will. But what should I do today? I cannot ditch my best Friend at the last moment. She will think that I am avoiding giving her a treat. So now what? Please, Kuku, please come with me as my businessman boyfriend? Please. Just for today. - No. I cannot. We will go for dinner. You will be my businessman boyfriend. - No. Anyway, look at you. You are so handsome. You look like a businessman. She won't doubt it even for a moment. She knows all my other friends. Please come with me. Everything will be fine. I promise. We'll lie. We'll say that you have a textile business. We will say that and leave. Okay? No, restaurant. We'll say that I own a restaurant. Okay? - You can say restaurant. It's not like saying so will make you own one. You'll come with me, right? - Yes. Okay. Pack this. I'm taking this. My birthday gift. - How much is it worth? Hey come on, buy it for me. Come on, Kuku. Nothing can go wrong. I am with you. Just be confident. There they are. Hi! Mitali! It's my birthday! Hi! Thank you. 'I spent 7 years in the same tuition centre..' '..because she used to stay across it.' 'Today, finally, I was in front of her, face to face.' 'But as her best friend's boyfriend.' 'That too for just one night.' I'm so happy. 'Kuku Mathur, this was biggest hoodwink of your life.' 'This is what I thought.' Kuku, you know, Mitali and I are 2 30am friends. Every night we talk at 2 30am. I think we haven't missed a single day. Too much. Kuku is into restaurant business. It serves delicious food. Tell her. And look at this. He bought it for me today. My birthday gift. A heart-shaped ring. - Happy birthday, everyone. Finally. Pinkie, a pink cake especially for you. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. - So sweet. Thank you. Mitali, I swear you look like the titanic heroine. Stop that, you meet her everyday. Meet him. My boyfriend. Kuku. I was just telling Mitali. He has a nice restaurant. We will all go there together some day. Kuku.. Restaurant...? You know Kuku? Mitali, Pinkie plays innocence well. Either he is fooling her or she is making a fool of both of us. - What..? Anyway, that is your personal matter. Let me tell you, he is a pauper. He was in my brother Ronnie's class. They just cleared high school. He is a cheapskate. He stealthily drinks fruit beer with my brother's money. What...? - And a restaurant business? Restaurant.. He doesn't know the B of business. His father works at L.T.C. He stays in a flat. 'This wasn't a double date, it was double trouble.' 'I had such a punch line brewing inside..' '..that it would have stunned all three of them.' 'But it never surfaced.' Kuku, you are taking things too far now. I'll slap you for lying to the girls here. Get lost from here. He sometimes borrows my brother's clothes. Whose t-shirt is it? - Mine. Get lost. - Kuku is that true? He's such a liar. Mitali, he lied on my birthday. - It's okay. It's been going on for three months. We'll cut your cake. Get a knife. - Forget about the cake. Let the cake go to hell. I'm not in the mood. It's okay. - He betrayed me. Does he pay for my booze? Mitali too is one of them! "I don't know the B of business." Here's your booze. I don't want it. Grandpa, that's 110. What are you saying? It was 110 yesterday. I just counted. It's 115. I drink! Damn! Everything belongs to them. Mitali is his girlfriend. I told you, the difference between yellow and blue.. Sonu, what's Ronnie's friend doing here so late in the night? Where's Ronnie? - Not here. Damn.. I had told you. You can't see properly. You don't understand! Let it be. It's not my fault. Hey! Come here! Come in. Yes, grandpa? - What work do you have with Ronnie so late in the night? It's nothing, grandpa. I needed to return something to him. Ronnie has gone to distribute calendars. Give it to me. I'll give it to him. - No, it's okay. I'll return it to him. What's in it? - Nothing. Beer. It's beer. No, it's not beer. It's fruit beer. Check the bags. Come on, we'll just find out.. Let go.. - Let go of it. Hey, it's beer. It's fruit beer. Check it properly. You drink alcohol? Hey.. - You drink alcohol? You are trying to spoil our Ronnie? What are you saying, grandpa? I don't drink. Ronnie asked me to get them. - You are lying. Why would Ronnie want them? You think we are stupid? One tight slap and the structure of your face will change. I'll thrash you so hard that you'll forget where you stay. You'll forget your father's name. By the way, what's your father's name? Where do you stay? Grandpa, he is Mathur's son. The one who has a wretched scooter? Look, it's parked outside. Mathur? - Yes. Who Mathur? - The one whose wife died due to electric shock. The one who stays in a 40-yard house, behind the gutter. Stop your nonsense.. - The 40-yard house? Near the gutter. - You should stay within your 40 yards. Why have you come here? It's rightly said that the children get spoiled.. .. if they lose their mother. And such people need an excuse to do illicit deeds. Don't you have any shame? Or have you lost of it? Is this what your parents have taught you? Why are you blaming my parents? Stay within your limit. You are Ronnie's grandpa that's why I am staying quiet. Otherwise, even I know how to abuse.. Look how he is talking to grandpa! Kuku, why are you talking to grandpa in such a manner? Have you lost your mind? - You don't know anything. They have been accusing me since so long. Grandpa saw liquor bottles in his hand. He has been abusing grandpa since then. - Yes. Look, that's how your friends are. - Ronnie, they have been.. Look down when you speak to me! Apologise to grandpa. - Why should I apologise? They have been abusing me, they should apologise. Just because the Gulatis have opened their second shop.. Everything you will say will be right? Just because I am a Mathur, I am not rich, I am wrong? Why are you blabbering nonsense? Hey.. - Have you lost your mind? Apologise to grandpa otherwise we'll be done for good. We'll be done for good? You have changed. I'll see each one of you. I'll see you as well. Get lost! - Hey! Watch out! Don't you dare come here again! Ronnie! Ronnie! Ronnie! Ronnie! Ronnie! There's Ronnie everywhere! I'm fed up of this Ronnie. In school he used to say don't tell anyone.. We have a sari shop. We'll joke about it. Now he has become a businessman by selling blouse and petticoat. Ronnie Matching Centre. Not Ronnie Matching Centre, you are a mismatch! Mitali too is one of them. Everything belongs to the Gulatis. Tell me if I don't teach these Gulatis a lesson! What happened, Angry Young Man? 'He's brother Prabhakar.' 'My first cousin from Kanpur.' 'He's always at the right place at the right time.' Prabhakar.. Hello. - Hi. Come here. Why are you getting so hyper? What's your problem? Tell me. I'll help you find a solution. Have a seat. I provide solution to the world. Tell me what happened. Do you have problem with your job? What happened? I don't know whether this is a job or a punishment? I knew it. Damn, they keep me running Around the whole day. And that director thinks that he's from Hollywood! Tell me what's my fault if it doesn't rain in desert? What should I do if the hero's hair doesn't grow in a day? Tell me, if the heroine has One and Half spoons of sugar.. ..instead of One and One forth in her tea then what harm will it do to her? And that hero, he thinks he is Bollywood's superstar. Enough. Enough. Enough. - They have ruined me. No, don't say that. Enough. It will all be okay. - I wanted to open a restaurant. You will open a restaurant. You will. They tell me to make tea, clean the Scooty. Everything will be fine. I'm telling you, in time, everything will be fine. Forget about all this. Tell me, who is Ronnie? 'When someone suffers from a stomach-ache..' 'The one in front of him becomes a doctor.' 'I too consider Prabhakar to be my doctor.' 'And I told him everything.' 'You know what conclusion did Prabhakar make out of it? ' So basically, Gulati and sons have taken you for a ride. Taken me for a ride? - Yes. This is a very old problem. I have also suffered because of it. 'I had a childhood friend, Bindu.' 'And I had a childhood sweetheart, Sunaina.' 'I loved her in my dreams and planned a family as well.' 'But my best friend played a cheap trick and stole her away from me.' Sunaina belonged to him. Then what happened? What could've happened? Whatever that was done was done by Prabhu. I did it. Priest, do you want imported liquor? What do I need to do, Prabhakar? Evil powers hover over this child. What? ! There's just one solution for that. What...? What's the solution? Just tell us. We are ready to do anything. Bindu, say something, please. You will have to change his name. From now his name will be.. Prabhakar. My Prabhakar! Prabhakar, baby, finish the milk. I love you, Prabhakar. Prabhakar, wear your knickers. Why are you roaming around naked? Prabhakar! Deenanath Shukla. Full name. 'And at that very moment, I made Prabhakar my godfather.' Sulking won't help. He didn't just insult you, he insulted me as well. You are my brother. I swear. I feel humiliated. If this was Kanpur I would've made Gulatis apologise.. ..by threatening them with my knife. End of the topic. Brother, I feel like running away from here. You don't run away. Elope with his girlfriend. He doesn't have a girlfriend. Then his sister. She's just like a sister to me. Then I'll elope with her. What's the big deal? You get emotional too soon. Your problem is his business, right? Do one thing, make the income tax guys raid his shop. How will that help? All their stock is in the warehouse. Then set the warehouse on fire. Got it? Are you getting me? You are not, right? Then listen to me. Set the warehouse on fire, burn everything.. ..take everything out of there and sell them. Whatever cash you get from that, with that we'll open your.. Restaurant. Are you getting me? You are smiling, already. Restaurant.. Is there any other option? I am giving you the throne and you want to go on exile. Let go of my hand. Don't hold it. Let me go. What you do mean? - What do you mean by what do I mean? Do I need to explain everything? Do you want to be a businessman? I want to. Do you want to ruin Ronnie? I want to. - Do you want to open a restaurant? I want to. Do you want to place a bigger board than theirs? I want to be a businessman, ruin Ronnie.. ..open a restaurant and have a bigger board! Very good! But how will we do this? When will this happen? 'It will happen. It will happen on Monday.' Everyone is requested to attend the prayer meeting.. ..on Monday at the Monday market. Everyone is welcome to come. We need to cajole Goddess with a lot of love and devotion. Everyone is welcomed to this market. Hail the Goddess! Hail the Goddess! Hail the Goddess! Say it affectionately. Hail the Goddess! - Louder! Hail the Goddess! - Hail the Goddess! Hail the Goddess! - Hail the Goddess! Excuse me.. Do you wish to drink imported liquor? Yes. He is my cousin. He needed your help. Come on, Kuku. Your cousin is my cousin. Won't one brother help another? Tell me, how can I help you? What you need to do this.. You have come from Kanpur today? No, yesterday. - Yesterday. Now listen to what you need to do.. - Where in Kanpur do you stay? Somewhere in north. - In north? Where? - Do you know your way around Kanpur? Yes, I've been there a lot. - You have. Do you remember the Jharkarkati bridge? Jharkarkati bridge? Yes. Going below it, take a left towards Anand Vihar. Yes. - The first house on the right side. What are you saying? - Yes. Right there. My kin's in-laws stay there. I've been there quite often. That means you are very close. I'm so happy. Jhakarkatti. Are you done? Yes. Can we get down to business? It's okay. - Oh yes. I forgot. The thing is, during the prayer meet.. Everyone in the vicinity will be there. - Yes. So it's obvious that the Gulati family will also be there. - True. Where will you be? I'm always at the warehouse. At the warehouse. - Yes. So, you don't need to do anything. - Okay. We will come there at night. - Okay. We will knock at the door. Open it for us. Okay. - We will go inside. We will load all the stock in there into a truck. Wonderful. Then we will again go inside. - Again? - Yes. We'll set the warehouse on fire. Is that all? -Yes, that's all. Then consider it done. Give me that glass. - Just a minute. Just a minute. Shake your head a little. Shake it like this. We have to set the warehouse on fire. We have to set the warehouse on fire. I won't do this. - Hey.. You cannot force me. - Sit down. Listen to me. You cannot force me. - Sit down. Sit down. - Sit down. Fire.. - Just a minute. A few moments ago you were talking about relationships. You were addressing me as your brother. I told you do a small favour and you want to run away! I am forcing you? - It's not so, brother. Why is it not so? Listen to me. I am saying this to you.. ..because Vibhishana held the key to Lanka's downfall. And you are our Vibhishana. Did Vibhishana do anything because he was greedy? Did he? Did he? He didn't, right? Then? But he benefited, right? The warehouse stocks goods worth Rs.15-20 lakhs. What are you thinking about? I am addressing you as Vibhishana.. Is your brain filled with filth? Your brain is filled with filth. Spit it out! Spit it out! - Yes spit it out. You must be feeling lighter? - Are you? Come here. Look, he has been watching us for so long. But brother is not calling him. You are not calling him. Keep this here. That's enough. That's enough, brother. From tonight, we are partners. Partner? - Partner. Cheers! - Cheers! Cheers! - Cheers! Tittu, increase the sound of the drums. Tinku, yes.. Yes, take the guitar. Mike okay? Okay. "Let's welcome the Goddess.." "With a hope in heart." "Goddess fulfils everyone's wishes.." "We should keep welcoming her." Hello. Hello. Mike testing. Mike testing. Hello. One, two. One two. Monu! - Yes, sir? What's wrong with you! How many times have I told you to check the mike? Come on, place it on another point. Check it now? Is it working fine now? - Good. Good. Very good. Very good. - Hello. Hello. Hello. Devotees, your Goddess is here. Every one of you will together say, welcome. Welcome. - Welcome. Goddess, seasons greeting. Goddess.. Very respectfully, to You we say.. "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome, oh Goddess!" In this meet organised by Lali Lalchand and Party.. ..lies a hidden opportunity. You just need to tell us, how many times Lali.. ..uses the word welcome during this program. The one who gives the right answer will get Goddess's.. Treasure! Treasure! All the devotees will raise their hands! Sinners won't raise their hands! Hail! "Every season we welcome You." "For every reason, we welcome You." "Give me the permission to welcome, oh Goddess." "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Everyone say it together, welcome." "Everyone say it from your heart, welcome." "We welcome You with pomp and show, but softy." "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome. Welcome. Welcome." "Welcome. Welcome. Welcome." "Play it!" "Bend a little!" "Welcome. Welcome. Welcome." "Welcome. Welcome. Welcome." "Welcome. Welcome. Welcome." "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome, oh Goddess!" "Welcome, oh Goddess!" Wait, ma'am. Welcome, brother. Sir, we need to make a request. Yes, we will sing it. For sure. - Hey.. We have got a request.. - Just a minute. Brother.. - Introducing the superstar of television.. A great artist, performer, my brother.. What's his name? - His name is O.P. Tyagi. Oh yes. He played Jatayu in the serial, Ramayana. O.P. Tyagi! Goddess is about to join us. Have a look.. You won't get to see such a sight again. Tyagi played Jatayu. Here, he has come as a lion. Where's brother? A huge round of applause for the lion. "Hail the Goddess!" "Hail the Goddess!" "Hail the Goddess!" We have got a request. And the name of the hymn is.. 1, 2, 3! "I'll go to Goddess' heavenly abode!" "Say 1, 2, 3!" "I'll go whenever Goddess beckons me!" "Say 1, 2, 3!" "I'll go to Goddess' heavenly abode!" "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Say 1, 2, 3!" - "All hail!" "Oh Goddess who is as pure as fire!" "We all always hail to You!" "Hail the Goddess! Oh Goddess!" "Hail the Goddess! Oh Goddess!" "Hail the Goddess!" "Hail the Goddess!" "I invited Goddess!" "I welcomed Her time and again." "I've opened the windows of my heart." "You've opened Your doors for me." Watch out! - Be careful, partner. "Lali says, heed my prayers." "This is all I think about." "I welcome You to my house." "I'll adorn You with garland of roses." "With Goddess.." "With Goddess I'll have my photos clicked." "Say 1, 2, 3!" "5000.." "I'll offer a stole worth Rs. 5000." "Say 1, 2, 3!" "I'll have prayer meets for 16 Fridays!" "I'll adorn Goddess with 16 embellishments!" "Barefoot.." "I'll go there running barefoot!" "Say 1, 2, 3!" "I won't take a bus! - I won't!" "I won't take a train! - I won't!" "I won't take a flight! - I won't!" "I won't take a Maruti car! - I won't!" "I won't take a Metro! - I won't!" "I won't take an auto-rickshaw! - I won't!" "Goddess' love will beckon me and I'll be there in no time!" "Barefoot.." "I'll go there running barefoot!" "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Welcome, Oh Goddess.. "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Welcome, Oh Goddess.. - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Welcome, Oh Goddess.. - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Everyone.. - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Devotees.. -"Say 1, 2, 3!" "Sinner.. - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Kids.. - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Seniors.. - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Ladies.. - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Gents.. - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Sisters.. - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "All hail! - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "All hail!" "Yeah!" "Come on!" "It's 1, 2, 3!" "Your father was stunned." "Your brother was beguiled." "I don't know why you wanna do me like that." "You were betrayed, day and night." "You were screwed." "Neither are you a lion nor am I a cheetah." "We are all scapegoats!" "You were stunned." "You were beguiled." "It's 1, 2, 3!" "Lord Rama name was taken and Lanka was set on fire!" "No insurance was taken either!" "These hues of modern age engulfed everything." "Lord Rama name was taken and Lanka was set on fire!" "It wasn't BLTTE." "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Everyone.. - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Devotees.. - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Devotees.. - "Say 1, 2, 3!" "Now your time's come." "1, 2, 3." "Game over!" "Everyone say, all hail the heavenly abode!" "Yeah." What is it? - A courier. From where? - Delhi. Sign here. What? - Write your name.. Your name! Here. - No, here? He sent a sari! It's beautiful! It was just here. She keeps the mobile hanging around her all day long. Why doesn't she just disappear into it? Damn the games! Hey Suresh.. What? - Your wife's calling you. Hello? - Hello. Got it? Did you get it? Did you wear it? Did you? Will you ever say something or you'll just keep making noises? You didn't inform me. I never inform. You know that. I just do it. How do you look in it? What can I say? You can see it for yourself. I swear, if I was there.. I wouldn't tell you, I would've just done it. Hey.. Naughty. Who's being naughty? I am married to you. It's not a joke! You too are just too much! Hello. Hello? Hello. - My game.. Over. Switch that off. Switch it off. Get your phone out. Type a message to Ronnie. Do it. My dear friend.. Sorry to hear about the fire at your warehouse. I am outdoors. Working, shooting. Coming back in two days. Then I'll call you. Your friend. I love you. Write it. Now keep that in your pocket and listen to me very carefully. Have you planned everything? Yes, I have planned everything, brother. You found a cashier? You got the place? The location? And everything else? I haven't done all that. - No, you haven't done all that. I'm feeling scared for you. Give me the money. I'll invest it. Okay? You'll get double returns. And by the time you would've made all your plans. I have made all the plans. I'll make you cut the inauguration ribbon. You are making me emotional. I'm always ready to cut! It's just like there's no relief for the chicken or the egg. Now what does this have to do with the discussion we just had? Tell me, is it related? Who's the chicken and who's the egg? Who? - It's just a phrase. I know it is a phrase. I am not illiterate! It was fitting the context. You have won the contest. Actually, brother.. - You got a lot of money. How many more contests do you want to win? I think it will be very difficult for you. Now listen to what I am saying. Rather, jot it down. Your restaurant will get build on its own, with magic. Just like this. Three, two.. "Fortune is smiling upon us!" "Fortune is smiling upon us!" "Fortune is smiling upon us!" We don't want waiters in our restaurant. We need waitresses. Waitresses! - Waitresses! Excuse me, where's Tikona Park? What? - Tikona Park. Tikona Park? - Yes. I don't know. I am new here. - Come on man! Grandpa used to say.. Never waste time on something that won't give any return. He was absolutely right. You are doing great! Now you just wait and watch! 'One rides on high confidence when he just becomes a businessman.' 'It was the same with me.' Hello, aunt. - Hi. How are you? Can I drop you somewhere? No, thank you. We don't want to go anywhere. No, we do. Thank you, son. Come on, he will drop us. He is a nice boy. Mummy! What are you doing? ! No, mummy. We don't want to go anywhere. Get in. He will drop us. Mummy.. - Take the first left and then.. Take a right from the signal, then a left from the circle. Third lane from right, the fifth house. I know. He is so smart. - How do you know? Seema Didi Tuition centre, bang opposite your house. I was a student there. Son, do you work in a vegetable market? No, mummy. He has a restaurant. Of course, I do. Aunt, the DDR, the sweet shop next to it.. I renovated the wretched place and.. - Show her the menu card. It must be here. Let it be. We don't want to see the menu card. Come on, mummy! Look, aunt, we'll anyway go home and cook. Come to my restaurant. I'll cook you a nice meal. And I'll prove my point to you as well. Okay? Son, do you make kidney beans with rice? What are you doing, mummy? Of course, aunt. - Let's go. We'll have lunch and then go home. "Like a key made for every lock." "Like gloves are made for the winter shock." "Like biscuit are made for a tea bath." "And you are made for me.." "Like songs are made to be hummed." "Like canteens are made to run on credit." "Like politicians, to make money." "And you are made for me." "You.." "Are made for me." "Yes, you are made for me." "You.." "Are made for me." "Yes, you are made for me." "You and I.." "For each other.." "We are made.." "Yes! Yes! Yes!" "Yes! Yes! Yes!" "Yes! Yes! Yes!" "Yes! Yes! Yes!" It's nice, but very dry. Oh really! You own a restaurant hence you don't like food from elsewhere. By the way, Kuku, don't you think this name Kuku is a little funny. Ku-ku-ku-ku-ku-ku.. - Hey! Doesn't anyone in your family have a funny name? No. No one in my family has a funny name. Wonderful. Here I spot two lovebirds! You guys please.. Hey you wayward bird! Mitali, you turned out to be very smart. You were all over Himanshu on a bike just yesterday.. And now you are going for long drives with this Kuku. You stole my boyfriend because he has a boyfriend? And you? You gave her a lift and reeled her in, didn't you? She has a loose character. A bloody gold-digger. Rosy.. - What? Just shut up, okay! - Shut up. Shut up! When? Why? How? Where? Why shut up? Why is everyone being shut up here? Listen up, "Shut up" girl. Don't act smart. The whole vicinity knows everything about you. Rosy, why are you guys.. - Settle down, wild cat! Mitali, what do you think this Kuku is? He used to serve tea at our production house. He used to hold the Styrofoam. He used to clean the Scooty. He used to slouch while walking. Take this, take that. From here.. - Hey Monkey, get going from here! Hey Hrithik Roshan, every movie has just one hero. And I am the hero of this movie. Got it? You? A hero? Have you ever seen your face in the mirror? Hey! - Shall I tell you his boyfriend's tales? Boyfriend? - Yes. We came here to have a cup of coffee. We don't want to drink coffee. We don't want to discuss this matter. - Take him away. Leave. We don't want to discuss this matter. We are leaving. We are decent people. Let's go. - Why should we leave? - Take her away. Why should we leave just because a worthless tea server said something? Who are you calling a tea server? Who is he? - Back off! - Let it go. I'll tell you all the tales about his boyfriend. What does he think of himself? - Should I tell about your boyfriend? Say whatever you want! I don't care! - Let's go! - Take her away! Bloody spot boy! - Haryanvi actor. And you! You turned out to be gay! You said those dialogues of heaven's bird in front of me.. Leave! - Did I say anything? I didn't say anything. Let's enjoy. Churanlal. What? My paternal uncle's name. Gimmy uncle.. My maternal uncle. And do you know what my maternal aunt's name is? What? Polly. Mithu. - What? My name. Mithu? "There's a lot to talk about." "This life is meant to be spent with you." "A sign is enough to say it all." "That you.. are made for me." "You.." "Are made for me." "Yes, you are made for me." "You.." "Are made for me." "Yes, you are made for me." "You and I.." "For each other.." "We are made.." What is this, Kuku! I've been calling you since the past one month! You aren't answering my calls. You are disconnecting them. Talk softly. - It's been a month you've not being coming for work. You should at least return the company's goods if you have left the job. My father wasn't keeping well. That's why I couldn't come. Your father was unwell, but you were fine, right? Talk softly. I'll give them to you tomorrow. Please leave. Please. - Okay. I am leaving. But don't forget it. - I won't. Son, where have you been going if not at work? Well.. This is it, papa. Kuku Kwalti.. Where did you get the money to do all this? Uncle, you know, as there a queen behind every king.. There's the same story behind every business. And the title of that story is "sponsor". We have one. You didn't get me? We got the money. Then why did you hide it from me? Who is the sponsor? I'll introduce him to you. Hey! - Hi. George says.. George? George Bush, the one in America.. Okay. - What does he say? There are two things in a business. Capital and return. But you don't get return from the capital. You get return from talent. One day he feed me. What did he feed me? Sweets? Potatoes. Sweets made out of potatoes. Sweets made out of potatoes, sir. Just imagine. He fed me sweets made out of potatoes. Right then I decided.. I decided that I will invest in this talent. Thank you very much, sir. Being a third-person you recognised my son's talent. Thank you. - It's okay. I thought that as my son didn't join NASA as a scientist.. ..he has failed in the trial of life as well. Sir, these has been something that has been worrying me these days. Why? - Our company is getting privatised. But Kuku.. Sorry, son. I didn't support you. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry, son. - It's okay, uncle. It's okay. - It's okay. I'm sorry, son. It's okay, uncle. You are again reading. I used to score good marks in school. Ask me how. How? - How? Ronnie? - Who else? How are you, bro? ! I'm fine. - You've become a big shot. You've started such a big restaurant. You didn't call me. I was going to call you.. Cool. It's okay. It happens. I can understand. Do all the workers work under you? That's great. You remember our teacher Kalpana ma'am in the seventh grade? - Yes. She used to always leave a remark on your report card.. "Kuku Mathur can do better." "Kuku Mathur can do better." I never understood what it meant. I understood that today. You have proven it, bro! Kuku Mathur can actually do better. What did I do? My grandpa owns a sari shop. He made me sell blouses. Gulati Sons became Gulati Sons and Grandsons. It's great. - What's great in that? You are the one who is great. I am proud of you. It's doing well. I've brought a gift for you. Unwrap it. What is it? - Open it. Have a look at it for yourself. It will bring back fond memories. - Fruit beer? What else! Air-conditioned! It blows cool air! - Just.. Who invested in this business? My father took a loan. - Great. You tell me about yourself. How's work? It's going just fine. You know that the warehouse caught fire on the night of the prayer meet. Goods worth Rs. 15 lakhs got burned. 15 lakhs? - Yes. We are facing a little cash crunch since then. You were there. - Yes, I was there. Chota was dressed as the Goddess. The TV star that plays the role of Jatayu had come. Forget about it. I made you sentimental, didn't I? - Yes. Why are you eating this? - Chutney. Get some chutney! Chotu! Why didn't you get the chutney? Why are you taking so long? Drink it. - Tell me, how's life? 'Time used to fly when we used to drink at the warehouse.' 'But that day when Ronnie came to the restaurant..' 'I just felt that we should consume all the fruit beer quickly..' 'So that Ronnie leaves this place.' You didn't print calendars? I was going to but.. - Print them. Has big impact. Menu card. Shall I take them? I'll distribute them. Okay - Okay? It was fun to meet you after so many days. Kuku Mathur. You do your job. I'll call you tonight. I'll go and distribute these. Okay. 'I was feeling a little strange that day.' 'I couldn't sleep at night.' 'I stayed back at the restaurant.' 'I got up with a headache.' 'I had warm water.' 'I did yoga.' 'I didn't suffer from constipation either.' 'Yet I was feeling a little strange.' Kuku.. - Yes. Is Sunday a holiday for businessmen as well? I was just enquiring because you didn't go to the restaurant. I am just getting ready, papa. Nephew? - Yes? What's wrong with him? Forget about him, uncle. I am worried about you. What's wrong with me, Prabhakar? You said that your company is getting privatised. Yes, so? Look, uncle.. Please don't mind but.. ..there's a vast difference between MA, BA and MBA. It's not so. You can think over it. There's no hurry. You can think over it. I meant that you may have to pay dearly because of computerization. Blessings wish to reach you.. ..but there are a lot of obstacles in its path. Traffic jams, no entry, railway crossing, check posts.. By the time blessings pass through all these, it's exhausted. It's shattered. How can blessings meant for you.. ..reach you hot and fresh? What should we do for that? I have some money. No, we don't need money. You paid the entry fee, right? Then why should you pay every time? We need your devotion, your dedication, your sacrifice.. That is what we want. Begin. - Okay. Any devotee who wishes to ask a question to him can raise his hand. Calm down. Me! Me! Me! Hey, give it to me. Yes, ma'am? Hello, sage. I have two sons. They have always been fighting since they were kids. We have split the property. I sometimes stay with one and sometimes with the other. I cry a lot. Do you enjoy eating fried bread with tangy chutney? What? Do you? - Sometimes. Which chutney do you use? The red one or the green one? The red one with dry ginger in it. Try using the green chutney this time. Okay. - And offer green bangles to Goddess. Okay. - She will bless you. Praises to the sage! Praises to the sage! Me! Me! Me! You.. Hello, sage. I keep studying all year around. But I mess up doing the exams. My family too has warned me that if I don't clear.. ..my exams this year that they will make me sell vegetables. Do you drink alcohol? - No. Never. I never even touch it. A cap full? - Never. Have friends ever given to you saying it's a cold drink? No, no, no. Never. Do you have a liquor shop close to your house? Yes, a little ahead of my house. On the left? - No, on the right. It will be on the right side when you are returning, right? Yes. While returning, buy a beer from the liquor shop.. Chilled or room temperature? Chilled? - Okay. And give offerings to Goddess. - Okay. Praises to the sage! - Thank you. Praises to the sage! Praises to the sage! Excuse me, let go of it for a second. One question! Just one question! Calm down! Silence! What do you want? Blessings! What kind of blessings do you want? Hot and.. - Fresh! Hot and.. - Fresh! Hot and.. - Fresh! Praise the Lord! - Praise the Lord! Praises to the sage! You can add him on Facebook, Twitter and Whatsapp. I, too, want to meet him. Rs. 500 for a private session. Any time, any where. Do you understand what faith is? Belief? When a person's faith in a statue decreases he comes to me. And put the same faith back in something else and return it to him. Faith. Look.. Faith. My faith in you. Your faith in me. But how will I know that my faith has been restored? A signal. A sign. A lighting.. Or a sound. And you will believe that there's faith. Enlightenment. What did you just say? Enlightenment. What an amazing thought! What an amazing thought indeed! My soul spoke! Amazing! - Look! I've got goosebumps. I've got goosebumps. - Yes. But when will I get enlightenment? You will, you fool. Today it was my turn. Soon it will be yours. Enlightenment. Her blessings will always be with you. Go. Greet him. - "Distances were expunged.." Sage.. Get up. Get up. - "And we got close.." "It's a strange experience." You have met him. Now everything will be fine. "Let me just express my feelings now.." "This is a strange co-incidence!" You are seriously so disgraceful! Just a minute. I'll call you back. What is it? - Where's Kuku? Kuku! What happened? He's not answering his phone. He's answering all my calls. Is he ignoring you? You are not someone who can be ignored. Hey, I was just saying.. You are such a scoundrel, Prabhakar! I swear! What are you doing? I couldn't understand when and how will this enlightenment happen. Kuku, Chota is crying. - What? What is it? - You just come home quickly. Chota! Open the door, Chota! What happened? - I don't know. She isn't opening the door. Open the door, Chota. Chota! - Chota! Open the door! What's wrong? She has been crying since the time she returned from school. She's not telling me what happened. - Chota! Move away, Mitali. Chota, please stop crying. No, brother. Please don't open the door. Please don't do anything stupid. Chota. - Tell me what's wrong. No, I don't want to tell you anything. Do you remember what mom used to say? We will solve all our problems together. I am coming inside. And you will tell me what's wrong. Okay? What's wrong, Chota? - Chota. What happened? - I will fail, brother. Why? You said that all your exams went well. I leaked the exam papers. I was well prepared. I had to only study three chapters. But brother Prabhakar kept saying "Ask how!".. "Ask how one can get more marks without studying." So I asked. He took me to Friends Colony. To the Printing Press. We leaked the papers from there. English, maths, science, social.. All the papers were the same. But then madam came to know about it. She changed the Sanskrit question paper. Don't cry. To me, Prabhakar always looked liked a criminal. He did this with me as well. If I wanted I could have topped. If I wanted, if not a restaurant, I could've opened a food stall. But I got influenced by Prabhakar and leaked the paper. And I got influenced by him and set Ronnie's warehouse on fire. You set Ronnie's warehouse on fire? What are you saying, Kuku! I cannot even apologise to Neetu ma'am. Kuku this.. 'A signal.' 'Or a lightening..' 'Lights will switch off and on.' 'Enlightenment.' Light, truth. Enlightenment! Mitali, it's enlightenment! Mitali, it's enlightenment! - What? I'm getting enlightened. This is enlightenment! The light of truth. I have realised what mistake I have made. I will apologise to Ronnie. I will tell everything to Ronnie. Don't cry. Mitali, I will apologise to Ronnie. I will apologise to him. Papa? Did you leave office early today? I didn't leave early, son. I've left office forever. What do you mean? - I mean, I took VRS. Look, I have got millions. Now I will invest this money in your business. Why? Your brother Prabhakar gave me a very good idea. What's the use of a private job? I am sorry, papa. Kuku, it's okay. - I am sorry. Hey.. My son got emotional. What's wrong with the lights? I think the voltage is down. Maybe you need to understand. Everyone has reasons, not just one. Do you understand? Don't you have any shame? - Wait. You are a criminal! You made me a thief! - Wait. What happened, Angry Young Man? You happened, Prabhakar Shukla! You! I ruined my best friend because of you. Chota flunked because of you! My father lost his job! Calm down, Mathur. Please let me explain. What will you explain? What will you explain? You made me steal and then you stole from me. You sold goods worth Rs. 15 lakhs and gave me 12 lakhs. That night when you tore Ronnie matching centre's calendar.. What was going on in your mind? What difference does that make? - No, no, no. What was more important at that moment? What difference does that make? - Friend or business? Yes? Business. So, I tried my best and made you a businessman. I fulfilled my promise. Kuku Mathur, I only showed you the path. These are your deeds. And it's not as if you have done something big. It's not like Ronnie's grandpa did a noble deed and made that warehouse. Every businessman has to use another to become a businessman. Now tell me what's more important for you? Business or friend? Friend. - What did you say? Friend. - Speak louder. I didn't hear you. Friend. - That's fantastic, brother! Go to your friend and give him a hug. God willing he will forgive you. Go. Go. Go. Good luck. Listen.. Blame it to me. I'll handle it. - Okay. Most welcome. Go. Run! Run! Run! You are.. no you. What the.. Ask him that shop's address! - He doesn't know. He is new to the city. Look at this! This yellow one. - No. Look at its border. Rs. 500.. - Rs. 500! We don't have any sari worth Rs. 500! The cheapest one is worth Rs. 750. I'll show them to you. - Get them out. Drink a cold drink for her. - No? - No? What colour do you want? Tell me at least something. Check out their gentry and then show them the saris. Here. Show her this magenta sari. She will like it. Welcome, madam. Get a cold drink for her. We sell all kinds of saris. For parties, for birthdays and for special prayer meetings. So, which one do you want? Suresh. - What kind of a sari is Suresh? I mean which Suresh do you want? My Suresh. That's fine. But where are you from? Darbhanga. Darbhanga? You are Bihari's wife! She is Bihari's wife! It's okay. Have a seat. I'll call Bihari! - Wait! Call Bihari! Himanshu! - What happened? This sari is from that lot! - Which lot? The lot that got burned in the warehouse. The sari from the lot that got burned in the warehouse? What is the sari from the lot that got burned.. ..in the warehouse doing with you? How did you get it? Bihari gave it to you, didn't he? Bihari gave it to you? Move aside! You are wearing our sari and smiling! Go and call Bihari! Call Bihari! - Bihari! Hit him! Why are you hitting him? - Move aside! He hooked up with my girlfriend using my money! What are you waiting for? Get the car! Move aside, Ronnie! You just wait and watch! We'll turn him into a ghost. He has locked horns with Gulati's. Bihari, I'll get back to you as well. Hey but brother.. - Let's go. What are they saying? Kuku cannot do this. He did it. Aunty! Aunty, where's Ronnie? Upstairs. Kuku? What's wrong? Kuku! Ronnie.. I'm very sorry, man. Sorry? Why are you sorry? Well.. You set our warehouse on fire, didn't you? Tell me the truth, you set it on fire, didn't you? Yes, but.. Don't you have any shame? If you needed money you should've come to me. Thief. Why have you come here? Grandpa and Himanshu have gone to thrash you. You have come here to save yourself. You are doing this drama. What are you saying? I didn't come here fearing anyone. I came here on my own. I was enlightened. Damn the enlightenment. Get lost from here. He was enlightened. Chota flunked in her exams. She told me how Prabhakar made her leak the papers.. She flunked. How my father lost his job because of Prabhakar. And I ruined my brother's life. That's when I was enlightened. That's when I realised that I made the same mistake. I set my brother's warehouse of fire and started my restaurant. I have left my business and came here. Please forgive me. Wait a minute. - What are you doing? Oh damn. Drive. - Just a minute. Yes, Ronnie? - Where are you? We are almost there. We are stuck in a traffic jam. Don't worry. We won't spare him today. We'll turn him into a ghost! - You are stuck in traffic jam? Saw? They are stuck in traffic jam. I didn't come here out of fear. I was enlightened. Kuku! That's Kuku's voice. Kuku is in our house! Kuku is in our house! What are you waiting for? Drive! Move aside! - Turn the car around! Please forgive me. Please forgive me. I don't have a mother. Bunty Rocky come here. Come on! - Kuku is here! Monu catch him. Sonu take out the hockey. 'The Gulatis wanted to send me to prison but the sage saved me.' 'But he couldn't save everything.' 'The money papa got from VRS in the morning..' 'We lost in the evening.' 'We lost my restaurant as well.' 'Ronnie couldn't do anything to help.' 'It was my fault.' 'But one thing was given.' 'I was not going to spare brother Prabhakar.' I won't spare him today! Prabhakar? What happened? It's nothing, uncle. - How did this happen? Tell me, what are you wearing? Please tell me. Wait a second. Who is it? I am Prabhakar. - Prabha.. Same here. How are you, kid? And I am.. 'What's the solution? ' 'From now his name will be..' 'I love you, Prabhakar.' 'Prabhakar's father.' 'Today, after a long time Papa came to our room.' 'We have never seen him behave like this.' 'It felt as if we three were missing mom a lot, today.' Papa.. I am sorry, papa. All this happened because of me.. Son.. It's neither your fault nor Chota's. I, too, got influenced by Prabhakar. If only I would've believed in you.. I would've given you money for your restaurant. Dad I made a grave mistake. I don't know. The sari is so nice. Look, this is a perfect match. You won't get a better piece. This isn't matching either. It is an orange sari and you are showing me maroon cut-pieces. So much of my time has been wasted. I cannot find the right colour. Chotu, show them to her. - Show them to me, Chotu. Yes, that one. You got it. Keep it aside. I'll eat it in some time. Eat. Who are these guys? I don't know. Himanshu. Yes? What happened? Who are these guys? - Insurance guys. Insurance? They have come to give the insurance money for the warehouse. The warehouse was insured? Then what! Do you think we are crazy? What's for lunch? - Then why did you take money from Kuku? Stop chanting Kuku's name! Don't take his name in front of me! Mummy, reason it with him. Get this straight. We are Gulatis. He burned our warehouse. Do you want me to invite him home and feed him? Don't we deserve to get even that much? Forget the food give him some sense. He has lost his mind. Even God would've forgiven that motherless child. Everyone knows that he didn't come to us fearing anyone. He came on his own, to apologise. Ruining all his hard work. To rectify his mistake. But why would you forgive him? After all you are a Gulati. Eat your lunch. It's not matching at all. Show it to me. It's not matching. I don't know. I have been to so many shops. What's happening, Ronnie? Aren't you getting any stock? You know I need to go for a wedding the day after tomorrow. I need to get the blouse stitched from the tailor. When will he stitch it? When will I wear it? This is a matching centre but nothing is matching. Tell me something.. - Yes. Are they your kids? - Of course they are mine! They don't match! Damn you to hell! I don't want to buy any blouse! I don't want to give you any blouse! Leave! - We are leaving! First go and check your brains! Pack all this. Mitali.. I am sorry. All this happened and I didn't tell you. It's okay, Kuku. Everyone makes mistake. But it's more important to realise your mistake. Don't worry. Everything will be fine. This one. I'll check it. Greetings, Mr. Mathur. - Greetings. Mr. Mathur, we have come from the sanctuary. Yes. - We have a small post-funeral ceremony. It is a simple function. We need to make arrangements for lunch. You can cook any lentil except for pigeon peas. Flatbread, a dry vegetable. You'll be giving complimentary pickle, right? What is this? Son, they've come here to give a catering order. Yes, son. We have come from the sanctuary. Mr. Dharshanlal served the sanctuary for 35 years. He passed away. We have brought his catering list for his ceremony. Sorry. We are no longer into this business. Come in. - You don't do it? What are you saying? It is a noble deed, please accept the job. We don't do catering. You don't do catering? Then what do you do? I know everything. It's all because of the money. - Yes, it's because of money. This world is going crazy over money. - Come on, papa. They cannot see anything. Come on, papa. Come inside. What are you doing, Kuku? - Oh God! So what if we no longer have a restaurant? We can get into catering business. Opportunity is knocking at our door. Mitali, please. You don't know. Come on, papa. Look, son, your girlfriend is right. How can we let go of the opportunity of getting into catering business? I don't want to do it! But we want to do it! Enough! Enough! Enough! Goodbye, Mr. Mathur. Goodbye. Your job will be done. - What are you doing? That restaurant was mine. You cannot use my name. That's great, son! You have been using my name since the past 19 years. Did I ever object to that? Mathur, the father, was born before the son. Got it? - And then Ronnie Gulati was born. Fruit beer? I know why you are here. Tell grandpa I'll anyhow repay the balance in4-5 months. Don't worry. Have you lost your mind, Kuku? You think I am here for the money? There is a vast difference between me and Himanshu. I had come here to give this to you. What's this? Kuku and Ronnie Catering services. I have been working on it since so many days. And what were you thinking! I had to face uncle. When I came to know that grandpa is going to get the insurance money.. And he took uncle's VRS's money.. I too got that.. Enlightenment. That grandpa is not always right. I fought with him and asked for my rightful share. We have always been together. So, we will do the business together. Kuku and Ronnie Catering services. I am a Gulati. But I am your friend. You will fight with your grandfather and help me? Why? Because you don't have a mother. "In the stir-fried lentils.." "In boiling potatoes.." "In the spice mix.." "In a sari's fall.." "In female company.." "Under Shabho's skin.." "In good times.." "I am in a soup." "With me I have.." "I have our treasured friendship!" "With me I have.." "I have our treasured friendship!" "With me I have.." "I have our treasured friendship!" "With me I have.." "I have our treasured friendship!" What are you making? It smells great. Smells great? I am boiling water. Anything you make smells great. Hey! Naughty! What happened! I am married to you! It's not a joke! "My life is a lie. My death is a lie." "My life and death.." "Life.." "With me I have.." "I have our treasured friendship!" "With me I have.." "I have our treasured friendship!" "Hey Kuku!" "Listen, Ronnie!" "MATHUR!" "GULATI!" "Eeny Meeny Miny, and a faster Mo!" "Speeding on the highway, got hit on the one-way." "Parathey Wali Galli, no sugar in the buttermilk." "Life is a mess but arrogance survived." "It's a mess, cash crunch has made my girl.." "A little angry. - I say, this month.." "It's very cold." "Give example." "Whiskey no soda, marriage no (ghada)donkey." "Nail no hammer, when I got under a blanket.." "I was thrashed in it." "You were taken.." "You were taken.." "You were taken.." "You were taken for a ride!" "When I try to move ahead, I am pulled back by the minister." "The one who throws empty bottles at a bar is a sinister." "I dug a grave and jump into it, it's a booby trap." "This is a mess, applaud, clap." "They watch the show but they don't pay, they carry.." "AK - 47... Is what I say..." "Fire-crackers are on sale, but the season is of Holi." "You were taken.." "You were taken.." "You were taken.." "You were taken for a ride!" "Enough of this!" "Stop playing the song!" "He creates music on computer!" "You were taken.. You were taken for a ride!" "Now it's cold in summers!" "You were taken.. You were taken for a ride!" "This song is sponsored by Gulati and Sons Sari shop." "Shut up, you.." A BRONY TALE When I walk up, there's this big, fat, bald muscular guy. I walk in, and he goes, "What do you want?" I said, "I want to make an appointment to get a tattoo." He says, "What do you want a tattoo of?" And I said, "This," and he goes, "What is that? A puppy? A kitten?" And, like, one guy in the back goes, "It's a pony," and I said, "I want that guy to do my tattoo." Yee-haw! All right then, there, here we go, now. Yee-haw! Welcome to Apple Acres. Come on down and meet the family! You got Apple Cobbler, Apple Bumpkin, Apple Turnover, Apple Pie, little Jazz, Cousin Braeburn, Big Mac, Apple Bloom, and this here is Granny Smith! Yee-hoo! Don't worry, Twilight, I happen to be the fastest Pegasus in the sky! The fastest Pegasus in the sky! The fastest Pegasus in the sky! It's because I'm awesome. Ba-ha-ha-ha! I've been doing voice work For about six years now, I guess. I graduated from the Canadian College of Performing Arts, and basically got picked up by an agent at this showcase that we did, and told me that he thought I would be good at voice-over work, so I went in and did a reading with him. He was confident that my voice capabilities were there, So he started just sending me out to these auditions, and it was pretty nerve-wracking at first. I went into a room where all these people knew each other, And I was this outsider. I didn't really know how to, you know, manoeuvre around the microphone. I mean, I'd had singing experience, So that was good, but yeah, I just kind of got thrown into it, and the first voice-over role was... a character called Slim Pig. And he's just this paper-thin pig that would, like, go around the barn and get into adventures. He was, like, a cut-out pig, but all the other animals were regular... 3D. I don't know, it was strange. I kind of got hired to do this little boy voice. So Slim Pig kind of just sounded like this, "Hey, Little Chicken, do you want to go on an adventure today?" And he was just, like, this little dude. Because I was a role already on the show, I got to play Little Chick. This kind of sounded like this... "Adventure! Oh! Adventure!" I got to play the cow. She kind of had this, like, weird voice. "Oh!" "Slim Pig! Puh-please help me! My head is stuck in a fence! Please help me moo-ve it!" ♪ Coconut Fred ♪ ♪ Fruit Salad Island! ♪ One of my favourite roles, actually, that I ever got was this Warner Brothers cartoon called Coconut Fred's Fruit Salad Island, and it was the sexually confused tomato. He didn't know if he was a fruit or a vegetable, so he was very sensitive, and he performed poetry a lot. "What am I? A fruit or a veggie? Either one could give me a wedgie." I went into the audition for the new Care Bears series, and they were looking for this new Care Bear Called Oopsy Bear, who was this little boy. I guess they got a bunch of men to read for him, and that wasn't working out, so they got me in there, and I just kind of based him on Chris Farley, like, you know, that kind of, like, clumsy guy he plays all the time? He'll, like, fall... "Aw, I'm re-really sorry. I didn't mean to mess up the thunderbolt coaster. Sorry." I got to play... Boris Bootie. He was on this show called Ricky Sprocket. It was about a show biz kid, and Boris Bootie was just an ordinary guy who really liked breakfast cereal. And then, so I think I got kind of pigeonholed To play little boys all the time 'cause that was, like, my goto voice, Was the little boy voice. So when I went into audition for My Little Pony, I thought it was obvious that I would read for Spike, the baby dragon. And I was just like, "Oh, I'll just go to, you know, Do my go-to little boy voice." Twilight! Y-You know I love eating diamonds. You know, he's just like this little guy. I didn't... I didn't end up getting cast as Spike, But I got a call-back for... not Spike, but for Applejack and Rainbow Dash. I just ended up getting both roles, which is pretty crazy. My job is fun. It's cool. It's, like, um... you know, you just get to hang out And do voices for a living. Not too shabby. Okay, whatever you want. Hey! What's going on? I'm Ashleigh. I am, uh, at the site of a show we just played with Hey Ocean! And I just had my first Brony encounter. Do you have any voices for us? Well, uh, well, I suppose that Applejack's very happy that you came out to Hey Ocean! And Rainbow Dash Couldn't be more excited! I need to go watch Dan Mangan now! All right. Peace! Bye! Thank you! See ya guys! Love you! A Brony is a fan of the television show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and... they're usually males from the age bracket of 18 to 30, let's say. The pervert alarm for sure went off in my head when I first heard about it. I want to very specifically not give a shout out to my Bronies tonight. Now a show, you're right in the middle of the normal scale. Since the reboot of the classic '80s cartoon debuted last fall, it's attracted a massive amount of male viewers. Combine the words "brother" and "pony." The audience isn't who you might expect. Fanboys have taken to creating pony art, posting fan videos on YouTube, and creating blogs dedicated to the show. Weird fit demographically, but they work together. My point is this! Bronies have changed the definition of masculinity. I think it's the end of... Civilization? What's happened is that with the spread of fast access Internet, almost the entirety of the media with the fandom Is entirely online. It's, in a lot of senses, a brand new type of fandom. It's this crazy phenomenon on the web, in the media... It's kind of inexplicable, really. What happens when a movement puts a lot of new ideas into circulation? It, uh, doesn't really make sense. People are inspired by the environment That surrounds them. The Internet is a complicated idea, a set of protocols that has changed everything. Try to realize our imaginations and the need to retreat to a world of pure fantasy. We exist in a world of illusion. The true nature of reality beckons from just beyond the horizon. I got an invitation to... BronyCon. Brony... B-R-O-NYC-Con, in New York, which is a convention for Bronies. It's pretty crazy. Apparently there's a lot of these happening, although this would be the first one That I've been invited to. "Hello! My name is Purple Tinker, and I run BronyCon, the world's largest dedicated My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fan event. We are currently in the planning stages of our next event, BronyCon, end of January. It will be held in New York City, but something is missing... Ms. Ashleigh Ball." That's me! "Would Ms. Ball do us the honour of letting us treat her like the star she is for one special weekend?" Wow. I guess... we'll see. I'm a trained Harley Davidson mechanic. I have built and can build custom motorcycles from scratch. I can weld. I can run a CMC machine. I played college football. Uh, what's the other one? Bodyguard ranch hand for a science fiction writer, I worked as a GM glue guy a GM dealership. On top of all that, I watch a show for little girls. I'm known as DustyKatt in the fandom, and I'm known as the Manliest Brony in the World. If this guy can like a girls' show for what it is, you can too. Every character doesn't have the answers, right? They have to go find the answers, They have to learn from their mistakes, and that's what draws me to My Little Pony, Because you have character-driven story where the characters learn something and grow. There's six main characters in the show. Twilight Sparkle. Her characterization is fairly easy. Twilight is the intellectual shut-in. Now you have Applejack, who is the hard worker, that pony you can go to, but her problem is she can't let others help her. Fluttershy, too shy for her own good. That's one of her fallacies that makes her a character. Rainbow Dash... my, what an ego! She'll never get into the Wonderbolts, Because the Wonderbolts are a team situation. There's no "I" in "team." Rarity... Element of generosity... to a fault. She has to get over that. She has to learn from that. And then we get to Pinkie Pie, party animal extraordinaire. Off into left field all the time, but still, when somebody needs to be picked up, when someone is feeling sad, she's there every time. Each individual character is so well rounded within an archetype of personality, so people can see themselves as a Rainbow Dash, a Rarity, or an Applejack. That is the basis of excellent storytelling. Don't think of it as six little ponies in Ponyville. Think of it as six friends learning from each other. It just happens to be wrapped up in a package of pastel ponies that's animated well. This is a show for kids, but it doesn't wallow in that point. I'm just a guy who happens to like a TV show. I love My Little Pony. I love what it does, I love the message it sends, and I want to be a part of it, and I want to be able to play in that universe. We're suppose to chug beer, ride motorcycles, be degrading to women, and like explosions. That's what's engrained in our brains from the minute you're born and put into a blue crib. Well, I like what I like. I don't need society to tell me what I like, and that's all there is to it. Ei-ei-o, and here it goes! As Twilight Sparkle would say, "We must science this immediately!" About a year ago, the Brony Phenomenon sort of fell into our laps, and as soon as I heard about it, I thought, "Somebody needs to study this." "Fandom" is a term that's used for the community, and in general, people usually look at fandoms with kind of a little bit of a, like, "These people need to get a life." Well, in fact, actually, where does the term "fan" come from? "Fanatic." You know it could be, um, the Carolina Panthers. It could be, um, Star Trek. Uh, it could be My Little Pony... Oprah. It could be Oprah. It could be anything. Our Bronies ranged from 14 to 57, with the average age was around 21 years of age. Then there's the question of gender. We usually ran around 85% male and 15% female. Some female Bronies like to be called Bronies, some like to be called Pegasisters. And we question if that 15% female, how much of those are Bronies because they have a Brony boyfriend. Hmm-hmm. Yep. Bronies score lower in neuroticism. Neuroticism is sort of like a tendency... and I've sort of wrote it's a tendency to experience negative emotions like anger, anxiety, to worry, to be stressed, and the Bronies have lower scores, so again, that would tend to say this is a group... now, there are going to be Depressed Bronies, and there are gonna be Anxious Bronies, But that's very positive. Education level... What we found was around 35% of our Bronies were in high school, while about 62% were in or had completed college. And then one of the biggies, the sexual orientation question, which... many people when they first hear about the Bronies will say things like, "Well, is it a bunch of gays and that?" 84% of the Bronies will describe themselves as heterosexuals. One and a half percent label themselves as homosexuals, and about 10% bisexual, and then around 3-4% asexual. Asexual is, based on clinical experience, some people who just simply are not interested in sex. It's still a puzzle, when I think... It's still a puzzle. It's a puzzle to us as well, but, um, I think that it's... that the, um, that society as a whole is becoming less negative in their attitudes toward Bronies. My name is Mike Bernstein, and I am the broadcast director of Everfree Radio. Everfree Radio is an online radio station and network of programs dedicated and mostly marketed towards the Brony community. I ended up watching it because I thought, "Okay, clearly this is a phenomenon. I have to understand why." And I watched the first episode, and the first episode is a cliffhanger, a two-parter, so I'm like, "Okay, well, I gotta watch the second part." You know, you gotta see how the beginning story arc ends. And then, you know, I got to the end of the second episode. I'm like, "Yeah, that's pretty decent. It's okay. It's not bad. You know, I better watch the third episode To make sure that it's, you know, maintaining that level of quality," And then the fourth and the fifth, and by the time I got to the 17th episode, I kind of hung my head in resignation. It's kinda like, "Damnit." You know? "I guess I'm a Brony. Oh well, better come to terms with it." 4chan is an image and message board where the Brony movement began, basically, back in... I think it was October of 2010. Somebody wrote an article. They were citing My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic as showing that companies were micromanaging programs. Well, new cartoon shows are all about merchandising, so somebody on 4chan went and decided to watch it and said, "Hey, it's pretty good," And so they made a post about it. Other people started watching it, and they're like, "Hey, yeah, it's actually pretty good." And it became this kind of, like, weird phenomenon. They ended up becoming kind of like their own little clan. So more people watched the show to try and figure out, "Okay, is this just a big joke?" And then they started posting images on the boards, and then the moderators of 4chan decided, "No, we don't want all these pony images everywhere," So they shut it down, so then they start another one. It became this whole, like, flurry of online activity. In a sense, 4chan was the start of the Brony community. It's the deep depths of shameless Internet. Actually, people like to think, okay, Bronies, The name "Bronies" came from "bros" and "ponies." That's not where it came from. It came from the "/b/" message boards, and "ponies." So that's how they combined it. It was 4chan "/b/" and "ponies," so Bronies, but I kind of like the "bro" one better because it feels a little more, you know, "Hey, bro!" So that's just me. So yeah, voice-over work is my job, and I just, like, love... love what I do, love that I get to be a cartoon for a living, but my main passion is music. In Hey Ocean! There's two other members besides myself, Dave Vertesi and Dave Beckingham. The three of us have been doing this music thing for almost seven years now, and over the last couple months, we've been feeling the presence of the Bronies. Bronies by the dozens have been coming to concerts. I didn't watch the first episode and then just suddenly get drawn in or anything. I don't wanna be mean, but, like, I don't care about My Little Pony. ♪ All we do is mess around ♪ ♪ But I know that it's love ♪ ♪ we've found ♪ I think it's kind of difficult for both of them, because there's this whole other fanbase that's, like, kind of latching themselves onto our music. Yeah, it's weird, like, 30-year-old dudes liking a little kids' show about female ponies, you know, that fly or whatever, but that said, weird can be really rad and really good, and it's important. I love people who are genuine and who are, like, "This is who I am, and that's what I like." I like the Bronies for that. ♪ Baby ♪ ♪ there's no time to waste ♪ ♪ Sing until you have no voice ♪ ♪ Ooh hoo whoo ooh ♪ ♪ Sing ♪ ♪ because you have no choice ♪ ♪ Ooh whoo ooh ooh ♪ There's nothing that can compare to standing on a stage and singing with an amazing band and some of your best friends. It's what I love more than anything, and it's the dream, for sure. ♪ Don't tell me ♪ ♪ that we've come this far ♪ ♪ To start again ♪ ♪ or fall apart ♪ ♪ Sing it ♪ ♪ when you're lost at sea ♪ ♪ Love will bring you ♪ ♪ back to me ♪ ♪ Sing until you have no voice ♪ ♪ Ooh hoo whoo ooh ♪ ♪ Sing ♪ ♪ because you have no choice ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Our love ♪ ♪ is like a big blue wave ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ I just discovered Hey Ocean! Through finding out about Ashleigh and the other Bronies, it was like, "Oh, hey, you know, she's in a band, you know." "Wow, really?" So you check it out, and then you find out it's awesome. Mandopony is sort of the persona that I developed to release music online based off of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The show generates so much positivity, it makes so much good happen, and yet it meets such disappointing, like, venom from... so many people are so venomous towards it, and so hostile and destructive towards it. It just disgusted me and made me so sad. That was why I wrote the song. ♪ We're a long way ♪ ♪ from Equestria ♪ ♪ A long, long way ♪ I think, you know, saying we're a long way from Equestria is just a way to surmise the fact that, yeah, all things considered, we're so far from this world. Like, the characters in the show, they learn, they forgive, they share, and they celebrate friendship and kindness instead of mocking it, and that we are so far from that, but it's getting better. I think it's getting better. ♪ A long way from Equestria ♪ ♪ A long, long way ♪ I'm just kind of trying to decide right now to go or not to go. That is the question. And it's just kind of at a crazy time. Like, I'm really busy with work right now and touring with the band. I don't know if I have the energy to go into one of these conventions. I've heard crazy things about conventions. For someone like me who's pretty new in the game, I might not be able to cope with it. I don't know. I didn't really expect to have fans, per Se, in the voice work that I do, and it's pretty crazy that I do. I'm nervous. I'm definitely nervous. I've got, um... I don't know, something about it just gives me kind of an uneasy feeling, but I'm just going to go for it. You gotta do things that scare you in life, and I think that this is going to be a really, really weird and wonderful opportunity, so... I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go to BronyCon. BronyCon is a convention for Bronies, fans of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, or any generation of My Little Pony, to come together and just share their interests... art, music, or just the best of the show itself. There are people flying in from California, flying in from Europe, because Ashleigh Ball will be at BronyCon. Voice actresses, in a sense, are the stars of the show, because they are the voices of the characters people love. You know, to hear some of the Bronies Talk about Rarity... oh, they would love to meet Rarity. The role in the community is they are the biggest celebrities. They are the biggest draw to these conventions because people want to have that kind of, like, one on one with the closest thing there is to the characters. I think we have near on a thousand preregistered, and we have the capability to let people pay at the door. We're looking at basically hitting fire code limits For the convention. Military Bronies are just people who enjoy the show And are in the military, and it can be from the extent of somebody who watches the show regularly and maybe has a few pieces of art, And other people who liked the whole thing. That's a Mark 46 machine gun. It's a semi auto version, but shoots 223 ammo. My friends were making fun of me For being a Brony for years, and so I told them what could be more manly than going around with all the friends with the machine guns and all the tactical gear and everything else Than go out with Brony gear? The definition of a man is a human male with an X and a Y chromosome. That's it. It's as simple as it really gets. My name is Bryan Mischke. I'm predominantly an artist by hobby, and everything like that has been pretty much my one and only real passion. I have a long time history, six years of service in the National Guard, the Army National Guard, so I think that pretty much is the gist of who I am. When I was 16, I was in school still. I dropped out at about 16 and a half. 17, on my birthday, I joined the military. I swore in that day my recruiter got me, and at 18, I was in Iraq. Best allegory I can possibly use to describe Iraq, um, came recently when I saw the movie Tron, and it's very interesting, because basically, when you go out to the world of Tron, Everything is really barren, everything is really organized. It just kind of... it feels real, but it's not real, and devoid of real, like, life. It's just feels like that. Everything is devoid of life. That's the desert. It was desert for me when I was down there. Every tough experience is only gratifying after the experience. I guess I would say is that the last five months in Iraq was probably one of the hardest experiences I had, if not the hardest. Actually, you know, to be honest, The hardest actually came after that. I went through probably a really good year and a half Of a pretty deep depression after I got back from Iraq. For some reason, I don't know why I felt this way, and I still can't put a finger on it, but I felt a tremendous amount of shame after a while, just for everything, even for the military, maybe. I don't cry, I don't, and I just remember this one time, I just went for a walk, and so many things are going on, and I just broke down and called my mom, and I cried for, like, three minutes, and it's kind of getting me a little emotional right now, But, like, I just let it all out. I talked about everything that was affecting me, And I don't really talk about those things. Life was just so much simpler when you were out in the desert. Everything was planned out for you and everything. Now you're back in the real world trying to figure it out. Art stopped doing for me what it used to do for me. I just kind of stopped drawing altogether. I didn't really see the point. It didn't really make me money. It didn't really make me feel happy. I didn't really feel like I had a purpose anymore In that area. And then I discovered ponies. I discovered a reason to draw again, Now here I am, making art again, so... don't underestimate the things that make you happy. You know, if drawing ponies makes you happy, there is no reason to feel bad about that. Yeah, I've been drawing this, or I guess I say I drew this drawing. It's a pretty detailed drawing. This drawing took me probably about a week. It's the first drawing I've drawn in a very, very long time. It was kind of the catalyst to me getting back into artwork after probably about a year, year and a half hiatus. Princess Celestia is amazing. Princess Celestia rules over the kingdom, and she raises the sun, and she is like a surrogate mother to Twilight Sparkle, which is the main character of the show. Of all the characters on that show, that's the one I come to admire most. - No. You took me in for my throat. Will it help? We'll try. I don't want to. Why don't you want to? Look, Jánošík took from the rich and stole from the poor. It's nice here, isn't it? So we won't be together any more? We could sleep here. My eyes are tired. So what is it you really want? It's not the same any more? THE lNFUENCE OF literature ll Some people can't learn how to live. You will learn. Did you love me at least a bit? Oh, yes. I've got a letter back there, I must take it to the hospital. I must explain something to him. Marta, take off your glasses. Who are you, please? Are you her husband? Her id card says she's divorced. I'm her ex-husband. Show me your id. Do you know this comrade? Heart. Her heart stopped first. The car's more or less intact. I'll leave you here. I must pop upstairs. Was the car insured? I'd buy it from you. When did it happen? When did it happen? What time? What did you say? At what time? Around ten. I don't know whether she loved you or whether she hated you. Say something. Go on! She spoke about you, how you got on her nerves, when you didn't say anything. Where do you get the assurance of a fool? What do you want? You freeze out anyone who is just a bit different. Why did you go back to the kitchen? Why weren't you a better comrade? Say you were mistaken. That you were mistaken. No. And you're happy with the results? Who do you do all this for? Tell me you've never truly believed! Won't you say it? If you do, I'll give you a letter from your wife. It's stones, sir. lt's clean. Can we remove it? D'you know what the consultant said? That it was to be expected. How is it with his throat? You need a holiday. In advanced and neglected stages, serious, but by no means incurable... The consequences of the fast growth of foreign tissue are grave, because it develops without regard to the needs of the whole organism. Do you need something? I had tonsillitis. Come outside. My things are in there. Don't you want to? I'm expecting. But it's not yours. Peter! I just invented that. Should I call you? I came twelve minutes late, he began to make a fuss, but we made it up in the evening. D'you know how... Why are you whispering? I've got a patient with a fever in number twelve I left the door open. He's already calling me. We drank... Don't drink! Young and strong... Does that hurt? They were in my care... Sign... You shouldn't talk. An old woman... if you went it was good... to make them afraid... if you didn't go... it was for the cause... lt's okay, okay and that old... old man... lt's okay, Mr Lauko, okay... I was holding... we were drinking... a revolver... You mustn't talk. ... I shot a cow... Surely not. ... the old woman screamed... you'll pay for it all one day, you'll remember my words. Did you see those Hungarian sweaters in the department store? That twinset? - How much did it cost? - Three hundred and twenty-two. What did he say? Some nonsense. He's got a fever. What would you say, if that fellow got over it? "...and the highest value is Man, human happiness, freedom." That's an apple, that's a meadow. That's a tree. That's a tree? Yes. And that's an apple? That's an apple. It's snowing again. That's a meadow, that's an apple, that's a tree. How disgusting... how evil... Throw in the others too. But we're only children. Listen here, I don't like people like yourselves. The only thing that matters to me is whether you have enough money to buy your lives. Let's try this... here is a dollar, I will lend it to you. Whoever brings it back to me good for them, who doesn't well... it'll be worse for them! This is mine. Smile! Thank you sir. Continue to drink I get nervous when someone stops drinking and when I get nervous, I shoot! You belong to El Diablo's bandits and you're very stupid. You should always inspect a building before indulging in it! Romero... where are you? Stay calm... I'm going to deal with your friends... Go on... outside. It's Hud. The great Hud. Get up... Go and say hello to El Diablo for me. Why do you let him go? He's a bandit! He should be sent to the Sheriff at Blackstone. He's free until the trial, I know you're 'Specialists' at this kind of thing! This is scandalous! Do something someone! Do something with Hud? No, I would rather keep my life! Hello my friend Hud. You're not my friend. Listen, if you're intending to go to Blackstone, watch out for the Sheriff there. It's no longer allowed to carry guns after that terrible incident. It's good advice my friend. I told you that Hud doesn't have friends. We're young Hud, we'll come with you, we'll conquer the world together! I'm going by myself. Sheriff, Sheriff... come quick. They're all waiting for you, down at the office. It's just I appreciate that, but the question is what brings that outlaw here. And we stupidly allowed you to disarm us. The most dangerous man in the territory rides into town and we're helpless. I just want to uphold the law. And I'll do it, but I ain't giving your guns back. I'll protect you like I said, only your guns stay right there. I'm the law around here until I quit. - You and your deputy are all we have. - What can two men do? - You and your deputy are all we have. - What can two men do? You must not allow Hud to ride into this town. - The man has a right to go where he wants. - A man like Hud doesn't have any rights. We've got the prison in Blackstone. When he gets here I'll disarm Hud, I said I'd protect you and I will. You can't disarm that savage. Hud knows more ways to kill a man than God ever thought of. Hud doesn't even need a gun. Sheriff you can't allow him to ride in here. Look gentlemen I know the story. You're all running scared. Charlie was Hud's brother right? And Charlie was lynched two months ago here. Brother Hud didn't like that. But if that's why he's back. He'll have to kill every man in this room. Because we're all responsible for what happened to Charlie. You and me. Maybe so but I refuse to let it be said that I struck the first blow. McClaine hit him first and that's what started it all. Let him pay the piper. Don't you try and lay it all on me. After Wood here had clubbed him down with his cane. Now that's a lie and you know damn well that it is. And if you want to, ask our lawyer here Jenkins. He did all the dirty work and that's the truth. He put the noose around his neck. You can ask anybody here and they'll tell you that. You just go ahead and ask. The Sheriff is right. You are all so stupid. Yelling like a pack of wild beasts. With Hud on his way into Blackstone. Sheriff we are paying you to defend us. If you're too frightened, to pitch yourself against Hud. Then we shall have to turn elsewhere for our protection. Protection is the Sheriffs job. He gets paid for it... badly sure. But I'm here to uphold the law. And by God I intend to uphold that law or else! You were quite right. We'd be fools to put our trust in him. We all know Hud's reason for coming is to find the cash. We have the same interest as he. The same goal... to find the cash. Hey if you looking for my Pa mister, he ain't here. What do you want here? I told you my Pa ain't home. You stay out of here... yes. What are you looking for? Who are you? What right have you got to walk into here, Mister? You're Sheba, aren't you? How do you know that? Come along Sheba, you can help me. - How long have you been living in this house? - About three months. My Pa bought this place after Charlie was killed. You mean lynched... I reckon! How many went after him? 10... 20... don't matter. He's dead and buried. And they're still alive. Don't let him find you here. You little Hussie... I told you never to talk to a stranger. Is that clear? You tramp. That's mine. You want to kill me, for a piece of paper? Hand over that rifle. And I'm fining you $5. You know the law... no exceptions. I laid down the law that nobody has the right to carry a gun... Sheriff's orders. You broke the law, so it'll cost you a $5 fine. It's a good lesson for you. You've can pay it in installments if necessary. Or you can spend a week in jail... savvy? I think you should know that you can't enter the town bearing arms. As you may have gathered I like to see the law respected. Why don't you just resign yourself to not visiting Blackstone? I don't make exceptions. But if our rules don't suit you, you can just keep riding on. What I decide only I know... no one else. But you know it's not really difficult to guess your intentions. Everyone knows the facts about... Dallas, Yuma, San Antonio, Kansas City, Oklahoma... Your gun is famous. No man could beat Hud in a gunfight. Then you know who I am? Everybody knows you. You ought to what they're saying. You'd think Satan himself was coming. Huds coming... the great Hud! Sheriff do something Hud's here! However I do believe you'll give me your gun I'm not joking. Why do you think I'd really come back? There's only one reason... to find out the real truth about Charlie. I want the facts. I know how you feel. Soon as you give up your gun, I'll help you. Prepare the guest room at once. We've got company. Prepare the guest room at once. We've got company. So... I see everyone is unarmed? Eh... Sheriff? Well nearly everyone... Come on... move along now. How have you been Valencia? I feel like a disaster like this town... Blackstone. I hope you're here to find the bank's missing dollars. All my savings were there. You mean the ones stolen from my brother? Yes and then they got Charlie killed. You know the dead don't talk. Are you here to get his killer? Do you know who it is? That's right. I'm here for him and everyone else. And for me too? Don't forget little old me... Come here winners and pick yourself a card. Now we put the card in the miracle box and la la la la ... Own your own mint gentlemen. 10 silver dollars buys this marvelous machine for making money. Well... is there no takers? - Where are all the rich folk? - They're all at home hiding. Ever since Hud got back, you'd think there was an epidemic. Yeah... an outbreak of yellow fever. Except me! He's like everyone else but I'll tell you something... When he faced me he put his gun away and left quickly. Howdy Hud. Hello Hud, you know me... I always joke... Yes... I like to joke too sometimes. Hey Boot you're like a lost sheep, what are you waiting for? A shepherd? ...good for you. Have you seen Hud... Sheriff? Instead of going fishing you should maybe go hunting instead. I'm only interested in tryouts at the moment. I glad to see you, Hud. Visiting your brother. Do you realize that if it wasn't for the sheriff and me your brother wouldn't even have been buried. They looked upon him as a bandit. I gave him my own coffin. The one that I purchased for myself. The one with the comfortable head cushion. It cost me $15... yes it cost me $15... I hope I won't need it myself. - Wait a second. - Yes? Hello Hud. I'm really happy to see you. I'm probably the only one in town to feel this way. But the sincerity of my sentiments are what's important. Friends as always? I have no friends. You haven't changed. Still the same Hud. Like when we were little... you recall? You're the only boy who never tried to seduce me. You've changed Virginia. You were beautiful and young. But now you're you're all dried out. Dried out? You may be right. A woman that stops making love does dry out. You know... There's no man here worth looking at... they're trash all of them. Since my husband's death I've felt so alone... abandoned. Abandoned? ...you inherited a bank. Huh... the bank... yes I want to speak about that with you. And about your brother Charlie... ...I trusted him you know. He was to carry the bank's money in secret to Dallas. I knew that El Diablo was planning to rob us and I wanted to get the cash out of his reach. The town people still blame me for that. I had such faith in Charlie. I lost everything. In over three months no one has deposited any money in my bank. Sad to hear that. When Charlie returned hurt and with no money... They accused him of stealing and you know what tragedy followed... Since then I have always been lonely. Very lonely. Hud will I see you again? Don't worry you will. Hello there youngster. My fish flew out of sight down here. Nice of you to rescue it. This is my fish. Your fish... huh... I see you're kidding. Give me it back now. C'mon. Can you prove it's your fish Sheriff? You own all the flying fish I suppose ...how do we know it's yours? Apache taught the fish to fly. He gave it to Rosencrantz and he lent it to me. And I told the kids to hold it... ...so it's sort of everybody's fish. Am I right? Or maybe it looks like a fish you once knew and you're confused... awe. As you can see plainly, the fish is ours. And that star you sporting indicates you keep the law... correct Sheriff? The law... is the law. Well I'll be... you really mean what you said? You must know the old saying... there's no fool like an old fool. Kid... you said the wrong thing ...I'll show you... You gone crazy? Are you proud of yourself... you old bully. Alright talk... what are you 'no goods' doing in Blackstone. - Can I get an answer? - Okay... we come from Dallas. ...we're looking for gold. - Whose gold is that? Awhh c'mon Sheriff everybody knows whose gold. - Well tell me again then kid. - The money stolen from the bank in Blackstone. They say the Sheriff let the bandits get away. And when he found them again... ...the money was gone. And when he found them again... ...the money was gone. You might want us to help you find it perhaps? Needless to say we'd expect a reward for helping you to find it. And for turning the money into you, Sir. Yes, because Hud might want the money too Sheriff. I think you've said enough. You "no goods"...anything to do with stolen money is my concern, as the Sheriff. In Blackstone I'm the only law there is. How do you kids know Hud? Is he a friend of yours? Hud ain't got no friends Sheriff... ...don't you know that by now? Sheriff... Sheriff... Virginia Pollywood wants to see you at the bank. She say's it's urgent... better get down there right away. Here's your lunch kid... Let's go. May I come in? Anybody here? I'm in here. What are you doing in the closet. Why sorry Widow Pollywood I got confused... ...sorry about that. You expect to find anything? Come in. No, no, no I thought you were in there. In my closet? How silly. Come in. Do you mind pouring the water, before it gets cold? Yeah... er You're sure you don't mind, if we talk while I'm in the bath? No... no eh. Is the water right? Yeah... imagine so. What a good dancer you are! I er... I er... sort of think I'd better wait outside. Oh no... why must you rush off like that? I understand... you'd rather be with the boys over in the saloon. Men are so lucky to be able to have fun. Here... Well take it. Turn around. I need to talk to you about certain things, so it may take a long time... - Would you open the champagne? - Champagne? I think you'll like it... it's just arrived from France. You'll find a bottle over there by the table. You'll enjoy it I'm quite sure. You called me to talk about something urgently. I wouldn't want to waste time. You never waste time... with a woman like me sheriff. Permit me to tell you my personal opinion of Hud. Any stud players here tonight? Sort of discouraging. Howdy Hud. Hud... I've got something to tell you. El Diablo want's to see you. He sent around one of his men. You're to ride into the mountains. He has something personal to tell you and that it was very important. But you won't tell the sheriff? Only a fool would do it Hud. What is this stuff? This ain't fit for pigs. Valencia your whiskey tastes like urine. I think I'll complain to the sheriff. He's gonna close up this pigsty. Don't shoot off your mouth Boot. They throw men in prison for slander, so don't tempt me. I still say your whiskey tastes like urine. It's a brand that's yours. Are you sure there's no urine in this rot gut. You call this whiskey do you? You talk too much Boot. Beat it. You're getting on my nerves and that ain't healthy. Well if you're that nervous, why don't you take yourself a walk. We're all friends here. Man's got a right to kid ain't he? Ain't no harm in that, is there? Somebody... someone get the sheriff... hurry. - Well don't stop sheriff. - Well you hear that? - Sounds like a row at the saloon. I'd better go. - The boy's are being naughty men. Silly... go on look for it. Sheriff... what are you doing? I'm sorry I reached for the soap I thought. I really think I'd better get down there. Sorry to rush off widow. Thanks for the drink. Right Boot, now we're gonna hear what happened to Charlie. You're gonna talk Boot. - The truth and nothing but the truth. - I don't know what you mean. C'mon let's hear it. Hud, watch out! What's going on? Hud, didn't start it Sheriff Want to explain the cause of all this Hud? It had better be good. Hud didn't start it Sheriff... it was self defense. This ain't self defense... it's a massacre. - It's you. - Who did you think it was? My father. Why do you still insist on calling him, your father? Why? .. Have you... killed him? Tell me all that you know, you are the only person that I can trust. I don't know much... the only thing I know is that when Charlie got killed that night... Yes... what happened that night? When my father returned that night... I heard him speaking with someone outside, I heard ... "That son of a bitch played with us..." "That son of a bitch played with us..." ...he must have hid the money" All I know is that Charlie was innocent he had been set up. Sheba... Yes? I want you to know that what I did tonight was in defense, not for revenge. And now what are you going to do? I don't know. Wait for me. I'll show you when you abuse the sheriff! I'll show you that I'm better than you. Come out and face me. Say that you're sorry. Come out... So, have you decided? Come out... Where are you hiding? .. ...are you hurt? I'm coming in to get you. Hud. Hud. Hud... are you wounded? I don't think so Sheriff. How did you do that? You're under arrest anyhow. You're advised that anything you say may be used against you. You're a fool Sheriff... you know that? And you're a sidewinding son of a bitching bastard! It's true... my Ma worked in a kinda saloon in Dallas. Where do you think you're going? Going to see a friend. You've been arrested... now you're mine. You're going nowhere. Damn it you're my prisoner... by God... where you go I go. Well where's your friend? Chico write, Today on the fifth day of the summer. Francisco El Pacoro called El Diablo because everybody thinks he's a devil. El Diablo has captured the sheriff of Blackstone. El Diablo has captured Hud too, who was his friend. But who is now with the gringo son of bitches. You write... I've written. Write so that everybody in the world including these land stealing gringos know who El Diablo is. Especially these son of bitches who are standing there. Congratulations Hud... you work for these Gringos. They lynched your brother. And your friend the Sheriff does nothing to stop them. And what you do? You kill five of my men and you spit in face of Romero. Let me kill him, El Diablo. You sound a lot better today Romero. Romero. Romero... I say who gonna get killed here. You understand... he's a little nervous. There... have one back. That's enough... If you want to fight you'll do it my way, not the gringos... You understand? Sheriff. The sheriff is afraid, he won't fight. Chico... this you don't write. But you write this. The sheriff very strong. El Diablo is much stronger. He agreed to let the sheriff fight with him. According to our old tradition... prepare the gringo for "The Contest". - Here I am. - You were supposed to come alone. The sheriff followed me. This say anything to you? What do you mean? Who gave it to you? One of my spies told me that someone stole half a million dollars from Blackstone Bank. I had my eye on this bank for many weeks. But these son of bitches, they were here before me. So I decide to catch the thief. I'm much smarter than the sheriff and I find the poor bastard. He's your brother Charlie. Half dead, hiding in a cave. Somebody was supposed to meet him had shot him in the back,. He'd hid the cash. But when I asked him where the money was. He's too weak to answer. Poor fellow. That dollar bill... he gave me. He was finished... dying all I could say was Ave Maria. Ave Maria? Yes... Ave Maria. Yes, his wounds were extreme like those made by an animal... a wild dog. Those gringos will do anything for money they used Boot to try and get it. That's a fact. That's very good, you understand. And all you have to do is find the money and bring it here. Okay? What about the Sheriff? You're going to find the money and bring it to me. Good! What do you make of the Sheriff? Ha... if he manages "The Contest" he'll be free to go. Hey Chico, get him a horse ...Hud will leave and will get us the money. If he doesn't El Diablo will be furious... and he will kill the Sheriff and destroy the town and it will be historic write all this down, Chico. You're forgetting something... Me? no, no, no... What about my gun? Here's your gun. Remember how we used to draw on each other? When we were kids. You were always faster than me. Then the Gringo's cut my right arm off, after an armed robbery. You went away to play with real guns while I stayed back to teach my other arm to kill Gringo's... You went away to play with real guns while I stayed back to teach my other arm to kill Gringo's and cut off their arms, legs and something else off too. Well I'll be... and with just one hand too! That's right... and don't forget with my left hand. Do you think you're faster? Hey Hud? We draw... c'mon. I ain't hankering to play with toy guns. Ok now I'm leaving before "The Contest" begins. Hurry and return, then we'll have our fight. Good luck Sheriff, if it's true that you're hard headed then you'll do well. I'll find you Hud, I'll get you... You stupid people. Aren't you going to arrest them? I can only take orders from the Sheriff. What are we going to do? Considering the Sheriff isn't here, we have to decide. Firstly I think we should nominate a new sheriff. But we've already got a candidate... ...the deputy Sheriff. I've only ever been a deputy and now you expect me to be Sheriff. I happen to have a wife and children. So let's nominate another. Him for instance... he's young, clever and knows everyone. I honestly don't think it's my line of work. Even though I don't lack the courage for it. But of course if Madame insists I'll do anything for her. I think the only solution is to send a telegram to Dallas, for a proper replacement. Yes I think that's the only way. We don't need outside help. We shall deal with our problems, ourselves. Listen to this... Let's take his trousers down. What are you doing? You know that we like you. Hey here's Sheba... We would like to ask you to join us in our revolutionary group. We have never asked anyone before. Here is the fruit... I would like to join but I can't. But you're all alone and you would have us as friends. - Have a smoke. - No thank you I can't... I'm a girl! And what do you think I am? .. [General enticements] You always seem to arrive at the right time. Hud! ... We were asking her to join our group. Get out of here or I'll help you to do it get out I said. Get out... Since you've been away I've been worried about you. The Sheriff is missing and they say you've killed him. They say that they will get you and do what they did to your brother. Listen Sheba... when time is the Hail Mary? At Six O' Clock... why? I'll wait until daybreak... Wait. If it's a game... tell me. Don't worry you'll understand. Excuse me... It's Charlie's gun from the photograph, isn't it? You mustn't use his gun, problems can be resolved without violence, killing and pain. I have never known that kind of life. Maybe it's because you don't want to know that kind of life. Words don't count, Sheba... Only facts do, especially when they are final like death. Do you want to see me ruined like my brother is that what you want, Sheba? No, I just want to help you to forget. You're here early Hud. An early riser... huh! Well before the sun is out. It must be a good occasion to visit the dead at this time. It's like this... maybe one of them will be happy today. Sun's up Oscar. There used to be a hole in the wall right? Yeah, plugged it up myself. That's my job... keep the place tidy. Of course I get paid for it. Dig that grave up quick. Go on hurry. Grave digging ain't a hurry up job. Relax boy. What's that... I'll don't remember burying that. Now that was real smart... hey Hud? Real smart... You could say TOO smart. Good work, you got away from El Diablo. How did you do that? Trade secret. Hand me that cash box. Easy like. You're making a mistake Sherriff. I promised that money to El Diablo. You better give it to him, he ain't gonna like it. Blackstone Bank it says. Mistake I made was thinking your brother was innocent. I was a fool to trust him. But all's well that end's well. Show me those dollars? You damn fool... why'd you do that? - Shot him in the back just like Charlie. - Shut up! That bullet proof vest of his saved him. Run and get the wagon, we'll take him into town. I swear to God, they ain't lynching this here prisoner in Blackstone. Hud... they got Hud. I'll be. Sure didn't expect him back that way. Virginia... come back to bed. And close the window, you'll cool off. Come Dearest I shall prove I'm the best you've ever had. You still haven't had the piece de resistance... you lucky girl. Will you stop playing Romeo in a hurry ...get dressed. Yes my sugarloaf. Command me and I obey. Doesn't that assuage your demon heart. [Various muttering and complaining] You give us our money. Ah shut your mouths. Your money's safe enough. The money ain't the only thing they're worried about in Blackstone. - Why don't you give them it Sheriff? - They ain't going to to have it. We'll put you up for impeachment I tell you Sheriff... Get out of here all of you. As long as I'm upholding the law here. You do as I say. Better take my advice and get the hell out of here while you still can. I told you you're going to get your money. What are you coming to see me for. See your banker. See the bank I say. Hud I thought you were dead. Don't worry Sheba, no son of a bitch can kill me. I'll be alright. It's a good thing you're here Sheriff. We know the law, between us we'll see it's respected. Well they demand that you give them back their money right away. Yes and they're within their rights. It's in everybody's interests I think to return the money today. No that's not possible. I must first review the records. To see if they check. - Well how much time are you going to need? - I don't know yet. A day, should do it. I'll try it done, as soon as possible, overnight. Well that's darn nice of you widow. It's mighty big of you to be so understanding. I'll send my deputy over to watch the safe for you. You're such a marvelous man, you know. Thanks. So manly... hadn't you better talk to them? Why I guess you're right. I'd better go. So long. Oh just a minute Sheriff this champagne is for you. You deserve much more than this... ...please your good health. How improbable, to think the great Hud would fall the victim of such a sad situation. The sooner that pig hangs the better off all of us. That's the way I feel about it. When our money's in our hands, that's when I'll breathe easily. The money will be safe in the bank. I still think we should have put our man with her to guard that safe until morning. The Sheriff's on the job. We don't have to worry. He put his deputy to guard the safe and see nothing interferes with the widow Pollywood. Till she'd checked the records thoroughly. You can sleep tonight boys... you'll get the cash tomorrow, for sure. Sheba, you can stay with me tonight if you want? You should stay, you'll feel safer here. Made in France I'd offer you a little, only I'm not allowed to break the rules. Seems stupid, cos I'm the one who made the rules. Yeah... besides that, there ain't enough here for us both. It's my little reward today. Hmmm it's bitter. Well I reckon I just ain't used to champagne. I never had a real bottle of champagne before. But I sure got one now. A whole bottle and all for me. Yes that's something huh? Beer's my drink, can't afford champagne on a lousy $60 a month salary. But I didn't pay for this... ...a real woman gave this to me. Yes Sir, now this business is over. I figure to go over to Tombstone or Dallas and look for a better job. Figure I could ask for $80 now. Or $90! I think I'm worth more than $90... Hud... wait and see those donkeys can't put you in prison. After all they can't prove anything. You ain't done nothing, have you? And besides... besides I'm on your side. You can count on that. Hud... want some advice, stop playing with pistols. It'll get you nowhere. Better use your brain... no point in killing ...what are you going to do? And you know what I'm going to do when I get to Dallas. First thing that I'll do... I'll go find me a wife. Hmmm yeah a woman of my own. I'd like to settle down. Get us a house. I even thought about kids. A handful of boys, my own sons. Have them go to school, become presidents. Have a Pa without a cent in his pocket... yeah. Get the Sheriff... Get the Sheriff... help me! Hurry up... go and bring the carriage. Sheriff Hey Sheriff Hey... Hey... are you alright? Wake up. Woahh... No one will find us here. Oh you're a remarkable woman Virginia. You're the kind of woman you meet once in a lifetime. Oh sorry Oh you're lovely... you know what we'll do we'll spread the money out on the ground and I'll make passionate love to you on it. - Nothing stupider than a man pretending he's in love. - I love you I swear, I'd die for you Virginia. - You're more stupid than I thought. Yes stupid... stupid... I adore you next to you this is nothing. All this money and you... I'm yours Virginia, I'll do anything you ask. No... Romero... It's Charlie's money... She wanted to burn the money... if you burn the money than that means it is false and if it is false then that means that the real dollars are hidden somewhere else do you know where? [Hey Sheriff... hey sheriff! Give us our money back! ] [General complaining] - We've got to do something! - You're darn right we had! We'd better go and find the Sheriff. C'mon let's get the sheriff. El Diablo! ...hid... El Diablo's coming! Oh God... El Diablo... he's sure to come in here. We've got to get out... hurry the back door. Sheriff... Sheriff... doh Sheriff, wake up! - They're out there... El Diablo's here! - - We need some guns... unlock those our guns are locked up. - Where's Hud? - Hud's broken free. - Free? It's your responsibility Sheriff! El Diablo greets you gringos! You sons of bitch bastards! How could you be so stupid! You've all been cheated and by a woman! Pablo... all these dollars... take them back. You can't fool El Diablo. They are all fake. The real money was hidden by this bitch. The bitch took you all for a ride... gringo bastards. But El Diablo, he wants real money. She's going to say where it is. I don't torture her... I can't stand violence. I'll be nice to her... I sure will love her. Then she'll tell. She's going to tell us where she hid all of your money. She refuse to talk... she's gonna be sorry for it. Diablo says so! Romero... Pablo... go on muchachos you are the first. Bastards... He's going out unarmed. What do you expect there's thirty to one. What good's a gun? El Diablo... I'm not carrying a gun... I want to talk. I ain't got no gun. I want to talk to you... man to man. Cos I know you are a man. And I respect you. I ask you not to inflict this shame upon the own. There ain't no reason for it. And you lower yourself doing it. You're crazy Sheriff. The Sheriff is supposed to protect the people who are honest. All you're protecting is this bitch. If she's guilty of the crime you say, then the law can judge her. And the law here's me. The law is for gringos... but it is not for me. It is better for us that you talk... because it's no good, El Diablo get's upset. My turn now. Now talk Virginia... You're about to die. So talk... and fast. You tell me where you hid the real dollars. - What the hell's going on? - Who's that shooting... do you know? Why it's Hud, by crikey... he's got El Diablo on the go. Come on talk. The real money, it's in my house... in the stove. Who killed my brother? Tell them... Tell them who killed Charlie. Go on tell the whole truth. Boot killed your brother... I told him to kill Charlie. He was paid... he was paid with the money ...the real money. You bastards... I'm glad I stole it. Your brother had nothing to do with it ...I used him. Like I used all these idiots. I detest them, I hate them, I hate the pigs. I needed money to get out. I'm bored with these farm boys and peasants. Well shoot... kill me. Go on shoot me. I'm ready to die. I don't care... get me out of here. Wait... Damn you. Hud. Now we're gonna fight. Like in the old days huh? Now we've got the same chance. We find out who's fastest with left hand. Chico... write... say that this afternoon El Diablo the most greatest bandit in Mexico has killed Hud. The greatest gringo pistolero of all say that I kill him with one shot between the eyes. And write El Diablo is the fastest gun say he leave his money to all of Mexico. So that the peasants enjoy their defender's generosity! ...he's gonna write all that! Diablo Diablo... Diablo. Chico... you change what I said... not fastest write second fastest. Look... come here everybody. What is it? He's burning our money. Stop... stop you can't burn that money. It's our money Hud. You can't burn it. Please... please don't. Hud... he's burning the money. Why did you do that, it's our life savings. [complaining] It's not funny. Lynch him like his brother. String him up. String him up like his brother. - Is he better? - His pulse feels right. But he's losing blood. We must stop the bleeding. Let's call a doctor. - Call the doctor. - I'm afraid the doctor will refuse to come. I will go. I will make him come. Hurry! Go on! Go on Faster! Faster! You too idiot! Now that we have arms we give the orders. Get undressed fast! Doctor! Doctor! There she is! Come here! Let me go! Let me go! Hud now we have guns. We defy you! Come to see what we did. We are not scared of you. Come here and show us your courage. If you don't come we will kill all the town. We will shoot all of them. We have Sheba too. Are you listening Hud? What are you doing? Don't listen to them. Come on. Admit that you're afraid. You are afraid, right? Where did your courage go? I have to go. No don't go. You must stay here. You are hurt. Give me my gun. To do what? It's empty. - No! No! - Shut up! Come on crawl! Faster than that! Look Hud! Shoot! With his damned jacket we won't do anything. HIGH SCHOOL ♪ Sitting in the morning sun ♪ ♪ I'll be sitting when the evening comes ♪ ♪ Watching the ships roll in ♪ ♪ And I'll watch them roll away again ♪ ♪ I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay ♪ ♪ Watching the tide roll away ♪ ♪ Sittin' on the dock of the bay ♪ ♪ Wasting time, yeah ♪ ♪ I left my home in Georgia ♪ ♪ Headed for the Frisco Bay, yeah ♪ ♪ Cause I have nothing to live for ♪ ♪ Look like nothing's gonna come my way ♪ First thing we want to do is to give you the daily bulletin. You'd be surprised: a little notice somewhere that you might think doesn't concern you might change your whole life, might decide on what college you'll go to, or might decide on what activity. And then Joyce has a few things to say. Right, Joyce? Alright. The thought for the day: Life is cause and effect. One creates his tomorrow at every moment by his motives, thoughts, and deeds of today. And this question of cause and effect, you know, as I say, I might read something that might change your life. Last time we met an existential philosopher. - Anoche conocimos a... - a un! - A un filósofo existencialista. Existencialista. Who can pronounce this word? Existentialist? Carla? The man's name? Frances? No? Si, si, Sartre. And his first name; but the man's name? - Jean-Paul. - Very good. Excellent, Roger. And now, hmm? Jean-Paul Sartre. - Existentialist. - Existentialist. This side of the class. Existentialist. Other half. A philosopher. An existentialist philosopher. What do you mean you can't take gym? You get dressed in the morning? - Yeah. - Do you get undressed? - Well, you can get into a gym outfit. - I can't take... Yeah, I know. Alright. Well, you get into a gym outfit! We'll decide that. I have a doctor's thing. - I am sick and tired of you talking. - My mother was in, though. I spoke to your mother. Now look. - I'm going to the doctor today. - Now look! You'd better be in a gym outfit. You'd better be in a gym outfit. We'll determine whether you take exercise or not. - I can't. - We'll determine that. I can't take gym! I can hardly I'm not even allowed I'm not even supposed to come to school! Why don't you just stop? Hey, look! I'm going to tell you something. Don't you talk and you just listen! You come prepared in a gym outfit when you go to gym. Is that clear? - Yeah. - Alright. Now don't tell us you won't do anything. No one's going to put you into an uncompromising position. - But you'll come dressed in a gym outfit. - I said I would. You're suspended. Go wait outside. - But I said I would! - Go outside. Ahhh, man. I said I would. You got a book out on the 5th of January. Yes, but before eating, you have to. - Prepare the dinner. - Prepare the dinner. - Or prepare lunch. Or prepare... - Breakfast. But in France it's different. In America, we usually eat in the kitchen. But in France, where does one eat breakfast? Lunch? Dinner? Where, generally, naturally there are exceptions. But in France, where does one eat? - In the dining room. - Exactly. In the dining room. In our homes, in America, it's different. Instead, we eat in the kitchen. Oh, naturally there are exceptions. Naturally. Usually in the kitchen. Right? In France, no. You prepare the meal in the kitchen, but you eat in the dining room. No, no, no, no. A flunking student. No, no. A flunking student. Student couldn't receive such accolades as "Fabulous". "Fabulous." Now, that's all I'm saying! Sure, they're flunking I could see maybe a C student have a "Fabulous" here. But a flunking student, "Fabulous"? Why don't you put it in reverse? Why didn't you say, why didn't you say that a student who can write fabulous papers shouldn't flunk? Shouldn't do things that would cause her to flunk? You see no, it depends on the language! You know, it's strange. I've always found that a man who uses the word sympathy is never sympathetic. Have you ever found that, Dr.Boodish? Tell the truth. - And I have no regrets. - Alright. - Nothing. - No regrets? - None. - What do you mean? No. All I want you to say, that at least I'm right about these few papers. That's all. What do you want me to tell you, that you are right about these papers? I want you to say that a girl who receives "Fabulous" and all these marks shouldn't flunk. I can only say this: that the teacher in reading these papers thought they were fabulous, but that the total mark involves more than just those papers. That's all I can tell you. But I think this is a rather unique situation, wouldn't you say so? Rather unique? - Well, would you be happy if I say it's unique? - I'd be happy. Alright, I'll say it: I would say it's somewhat unique. Is it compassionate for a teacher to write "Fabulous?" Let me get back to this again. And the girl figures she's doing well. "Very Good, Rhona!" and especially this "Fabulous" and then, finally she gets her report card. And the girl is stunned: it's another E. Is it also fair for a girl and I think. Mr. Schuster will concur this girl cause any trouble in her deportment? Is she wild? Talk a lot? No. She did get a satisfactory mark in cooperation. Why did she get an E the first time? It's completely against her character. - In behavior. - In behavior. Why did she get an E the first time? Completely against her character. - An E! - Yes, an E. In behavior. - What did she get in there? - An E. E is a grade; it's not a behavior mark. Did she tell? What did she say? Uh, 4, 3; the lowest you can get, I imagine. We cannot judge Rhona's marks based purely on this teacher's remarks on these papers. This is all I'm saying. Rhona, limited in many ways, knew world events and the world around her. She knew the different forms of government, the different structures of types of government. And here Rhona failed. Because she failed in all these tests! We can only judge on the basis of performance. You may have hidden talent in you, sir, - but if you don't perform it, we don't know. - True. And the world will recognize you only by your performance. That's true, that's true. But if you want your daughter to be basically a well-adjusted, ultimately, I'll use the word happiness in a very broad sense, and I know that happiness is not the ultimate thing in life, but it's important. You cannot impose preconceived values and dreams on an individual, including a child. You cannot do that. But again, I want you to understand that part of your job is to deal with Rhona as a sympathetic and understanding father but recognizing her limitations and the fact that she's a person in her own right and that if you impose too much your desires on her, even without pushing them or forcing her, she may react in a way which may be damaging to her too. Michael, this had to do with your cutting, what is it? Physical Science? No sir. I never cut it. Mrs. Ganin was yelling at me after class and she starts going off. And you see, somehow I was making noise in the lunch line, and the truth is, Mr. Allen, I was behaving in the back of the room. I didn't open my mouth 'cause see the other kids were, and I didn't feel like goofing off. And she thought it was me. And she calls me up and she starts yelling at me and I say It wasn't me and she starts yelling, yelling, wah wah! So I figure, Mr. Allen, could you stand there and listen to a lady yell? I figure I'd go out and talk to her later when she's calmed down. And she was pretty worked up. And I went to walk out and she goes, "You don't leave". And I go, "I'll speak to you later at a better time. " And I walked out. First of all, Michael, you showed poor judgment. When you're being addressed by someone older than you are or in a seat of authority, it's your job to respect and listen. She didn't ask you to jump from the Empire State Building she's not asking you for your blood. She's asking for a little bit of time, to help you out. Now here's the thing: what you should have done is showed some character, by saying, "Okay. I will go to your detention." "But may I speak with you and get this matter corrected?" She didn't assign a detention. - Well, according to this... - No, they sent me... Given the choice of a detention at 7:30 or at 1:45 and you refused to take either. Now what is it? They sent me down to Mr. Walsh and I tried to explain it to him and he started yelling at me too. Well, no one is going to yell at you and I don't feel I have to take anybody's screaming at me for nothing. No, well, there's a point to that, but in the meantime it's time you showed a little character on your own, right? I would take the detention and then you can come back and say. "Now, I took the detention, may I speak with you?" - I can't, I can't talk to that man. - Well, you can try. Do you know, now another time in that class this is another reason why... - This is another reason why I won't take it. - Why? I was given a these kids took a book and they were going to throw it at me, right? And the teacher caught a kid with the book in his hand and he took it off the other kid's book. And the other kid stood up and says, "Give me my damn book back!" So Mrs. Ganin says, "You two get out!" You know "I don't want language around here and no use to get uproared." Do you know that they brought me into the detention room? They brought me into Mr. Walsh's room and they got me dragged in for nothing, and I tried to explain it to him and he says, "Will you take your detention?" Which was utterly ridiculous. - Now, see, we are out to establish something, aren't we? - Yes! We're out to establish that you can be a man and that you can take orders. We want to prove to them that you can take the orders. But, Mr. Allen, you see, it's all against my principles, you have to stand for something! Yes. But I think your principles aren't involved here. I think it's a question now of, proving yourself to be a man. It's a question here of how, how do we follow rules and regulations. If there's a mistake made, there's an approach to it. I think you don't fight with a teacher; I think you ask permission to talk. And ask them to listen to you. Now, this is what you didn't do. Now if you take your detention and after all, they didn't require much from you. The teacher felt you were out of order, and in her judgment you deserved a detention. I don't see anything wrong with assigning you a detention. Now I think you should prove yourself. You should show that you can take the detention when given it. I should prove that I'm a man and that's what I intend to do by doing what I feel, in my opinion, is what I am doing is right. Are you going to take your detention or aren't you? I feel that you should. I'll take it, but under protest. Alright, then. You take it under protest. That's good. - Today? - Yes, I'd like you to take it today. Will today after school be okay? - What room? Room One-twenty? - One-eighteen. What are you doing here? Going to the lunchroom. Goodbye. Where are you goin'? - You got a pass? - Yeah. Do you have a pass? You got a pass? How about you? Hang up! Let's go. - It's for emergencies. - Let's get on the ball. I told you to get off of there. Let's go. Excuse me, Mr. Murray, I'll see you tomorrow morning. A man's yelling at me. You get a pass. Alright, alright. Bye. I had to call my insurance company. - Well, you get a pass. - But I have lunch now, I have lunch. I was coming from my lunch. Lunch means lunch. It doesn't mean make phone calls. You got a pass? Okay. And when the dust had lifted and men saw what had occurred there was Jimmy safe at second, and Flynn a-huggin' third. And from five thousand throats or more there rose there a lusty yell; it rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell; it pounded on the mountain and recoiled upon the flat; for Casey, mighty Casey, was advancing to the bat. There was ease in Casey's manner as he stepped into his place, there was pride in Casey's bearing and a smile on Casey's face. And when responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat, no stranger in the crowd could doubt it was Casey at the bat. Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt. Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt. Then, while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip, defiance flashed in Casey's eye, a sneer curled Casey's lip. And now the leathercovered sphere came hurtling through the air, and Casey stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there. Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped. That ain't my style, said Casey. Strike one! , the umpire said. From the benches black with people, there went up a muffled roar, like the beating of the storm waves on a stern and distant shore. Kill him! Kill the umpire! , shouted someone on the stand, and it's likely they'd have killed him had not Casey raised his hand. With a smile of Christian charity, great Casey's visage shone, he stilled the rising tumult, he bade the game go on. He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the dun sphere flew, but Casey still ignored it, and the umpire said, Strike two! Fraud! , cried the maddened thousands, and the echo answered Fraud! But one scornful look from Casey and the audience was awed. They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain, and they knew that Casey wouldn't let that ball go by again. The sneer has fled from Casey's lips, his teeth are clenched in hate. He pounds, with cruel violence, his bat upon the plate. And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go, and now the air is shattered by the force of Casey's blow. Oh, somewhere in this land of ours the sun is shining bright. The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light. And, somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout, but there is no joy in Mudville great Casey has struck out. What's the problem with the baking soda? Did you use too much? You've got to taste the soda in it, right? An even more efficient way to use that knife is this. See here. If you pivot it from here you may cut yourself. One part granulated sugar and one part brown sugar, right? Now you need another measuring cup. You'll find one in the closet, right here. And Gary, what about this brown sugar? How is he going to measure it? - Packed. - Packed. Absolutely right. - What's your number, doll? - Eleven. Eleven? Hurray! She sure is, isn't she? And isn't she a beauty. Just look at that. She is a vision for sure. Let's have number 14, you may disappear. Now, wait a minute, girls. Wait a minute. I think this is a good time hold it, it's a good time to talk about clothes. A girl came into my class today in a culotte costume, and it looked just about you know, uh, it looked as sporty as this. If it were on someone with slimmer legs, I think it might look good. Could you find someone to model it Friday? With real thin legs, honey. And girls, look, don't wear culottes to school because you're almost just like that. Your legs are all too heavy for the stuff. Don't wear it too short, it looks miserable. I love you, goodbye. Okay, next, let's see. Now I think if this young lady she's got a leg problem too. If she did something about those stockings she might well look better. Could you get a matching pink or flesh-colored stocking for Friday? Yeah, something that fits in. Salmon color pink. Or white. Or white. Alright. Would like to see you again on Friday. What's your number, honey? Number 14, and you will take care of that? We're not even asking about it because I think she's got a pretty nice color here. Looks good. And it's the leg thing that makes it difficult. Alright. And let's see our last one, and I think that this young lady has done a lovely job of really putting some style into this particular garment. Let's see how she looks. She's done a nice job. And this, this is a sample, girls, of what you can do. This gal, she's got a weight problem; she knows it, and she's done everything she can to cut it down. I mean, she designed this garment herself with the idea of making it gracious and graceful and she handles it well. She handles herself beautifully, See that? Okay. And that's what you can do with fashion and design. But these are the important things, girls: to walk with your shoulders high and proud. And this is all the time. Around Northeast High School this is the favorite walk. And you've got, you just got to do something to conquer it. You really must. Handle yourself beautifully. When you stop for a pause, as here, for a turn, put your foot back and pull your shoulders back. I'm not in a hurry. I'm not trying to hide in a corner. I'm beautiful. I have everything in control. Alright? Mrs. C, are you going to have music playing? Yes, there will be music on Friday. It's very short time on Friday. And when you turn, this is the favorite, this is the favorite turn. Kids. Now watch it. Watch it. This is the way they go here. You come along, see. Now you're not here to show your derrière. Therefore, if you are showing your backside on the stage at all, it's merely a quick turn in this fashion, and Miss Fisher did it, a kind of swing turn. Alright? And watch these feet. Don't ever end up with the feet like this. If you want to test this, girls, if you want to test this, look down a long corridor. Right across here sometimes from one end to another and watch the kids come up the hall. And this is the way they come. All you girls. You see. Whereas if you get your feet, you get your weight, right straight over your feet and walk, one almost in front of the other, you are doing something for yourself. Okay? Course, I look like a fat lady. But the point is that you look much more graceful, much more beautiful, if you don't do this. Are there any questions? Any questions? Everyone ready? Anyone not ready? Begin. Stop typing, please. Alright. As I read the paragraph from the book, let's follow on what we typed. The two men went down with me, down the long road, comma, space, and in no time at all we had reached the lake and found the path up to the spring. Period, double space, capital W. We had made the hike in less than two hours. Semicolon, space. The day was fine for it, comma, space, mild and cool, comma, space, and the three of us felt fine. Period. New paragraph, indent five, capital We. We had a snack at the spring and then picked up our guns and went on down the path. Period, double space, Capital W. We looked high and low for signs of game, comma, space, but the birds had seen us and screamed at us all the while, comma, space, so that what game there might have been near the lake hid from us or took to its heels. Period, double space. We called it a day and turned back home. Period, double space. Capital W. We had not fired one shot. Now there are various types of families. We have the family, for instance, in which the dominant individual is the mother. Now this is a natural sort of thing. You can see in many of the natural habits of, let's say, the lower animals, the mother is designed with an eye first of all of taking care of the youngster before, before it is able to function on the outside. And after the child or the offspring is born, she takes care of it. Now in some cases, birds, some of the animals mate for life. But frequently it's a sort of a seasonal thing, the father is finished his obligations maybe after he protects the female, and they may never see each other. They don't talk much about women in the Bible, in the Old Testament. Moses was the big shot, and the various other people that I'm not too well acquainted with. Once in a while a woman gets in just by accident. Now, that's not true in the modern Jewish family. You know who runs your household pretty well. Your mother collects the money; she takes care of the bills, pays them, she does the shopping, she handles all the economical sort of things. Once in a while she is nice and asks your father if he would like to look at the new car they are going to buy, or if she is in difficulty with you she will have your father speak to you, but ordinarily it tends to be that way in a great many of our families. So that we go back to that matriarchal system. She says why if a man and a woman live together does society then say they're married? I think that's great! Because society does have a way to take care of regular, responsible, stable unions. I think promiscuity is what any society cannot tolerate. That's a good point. Why do you have your menstruation period? You know, there's not an awfully good reason for it. One of the inventors of the birth control pill up in Boston, a very eminent gynecologist, has said that he doesn't, he can't think of any good reason why women have to continue to menstruate if they don't want to. That with the use of the pill, which really regulates your cycle this is what the pill does: you take it for, say, twenty days, and then you don't take it for a few days. You take it, you see, according to doctor's orders. You don't just pop these things in your mouth an hour before a date. It's a medicine. It's a medicine that you take according to a prescription. You must obtain it from a doctor and you take them just as you do any other medicine, regularly and continuously. You have had practice in controlling your feelings and impulses ever since you have been a baby. By the time you get to be a high school senior, you don't eat all the chocolate cake you want to because you don't want to get fat. You do your homework whether you want to or not. You take your college boards even if you don't feel like it that day. You don't walk into Strawbridge's and steal dresses off the rack. There is no better answer. You have learned by now, as part of being human, that you can't have what you want when you want it. The girls that haven't learned that and the boys are impulsive, and they never connect what they are doing today with what happens tomorrow. Now if this becomes style five years from now, that's something else. But right now for formal wear it is not style. It's style for a very small percentage of people. And we are going to do in this school what the majority wants. Until this kind of rule changes, this is what we're going to do, the majority wants a formal affair, which means a long gown or cocktail length of gown. - The majority of students? - That's right. - Excuse me. What's the cocktail length? - Knee length. Here? The knee is not above the knee. - But that's my knee. - No, it isn't. If you fell on that part of your anatomy you would not injure your upper thigh. Not in a dress, anyway. No, I think that it's nice to be individualistic, but there are certain places to be individualistic. - I didn't mean to be individualistic. - No, I'm not criticizing. I say it's nice to be that way, but there are certain times to be that way. Uh, I think you can be individualistic in your dress, but it doesn't have to be. I happen to enjoy a short gown. I didn't know it wouldn't be accepted to the prom. I didn't do it purposely, this is what I enjoy. Well, formal means dressy. I didn't think of it as a gown. Formal means more than dressy. Formal is when you get an invitation for a formal affair it says white tie or black tie; it doesn't say that the girls or women wear any length they want. It means a floor-length gown. You get an invitation to a cocktail party, it doesn't mean a floor-length gown, it means a knee-length gown or a floor-length. But formal means a long gown for a young lady, middle-aged lady, elderly lady. See what I mean? And for a man it means a tux, and it's determined by the time of day whether it's white tie or black tie. There's no question. I don't know the other, really the whole story. I didn't know they weren't permitted. This is what I felt like wearing. It's a matter of what you are going to do in a situation like this. This is offensive to the whole class. I didn't really mean it to be. Well, I know you probably didn't mean it to be this, but this is what it is. We bought an atmosphere by renting the Sheraton ballroom, which is very formal. - We could have had the dance in the gym and then... - No, my, no, my. Maybe a couple of go-go girls up on the stage with a fifty-dollar orchestra and we would have had a nice dance. But this is not just a dance, this is the Senior Prom. This is formal. It's the one time in your life that your class looks so different that you don't recognize each other. It's the first chance you have to be young ladies and young gentlemen. I've had a boy ask and I've had a girl come up and say, Can my boyfriend wear a dark suit because he cannot afford the money for the rental of a tux? I said, "No, he can't." Because then my husband has the right to wear the beautiful suit he just bought; but we have to pay what is it? Ten or fifteen dollars to rent a tux. Now, my husband has nothing to do with the school, but he is honoring the youngsters by coming dressed properly. And I wouldn't think of coming without wearing a tux; I rent one every year. I have to wear a long gown. I'd love to and I can't walk in it! I can't get into the car comfortably! 5-6-7 8-9-40 Oh, boy! We're feminine. Let's go. 4-5-6-7 8-9-Tarzan! 1-2-3-4 5-6-7-8-9 Super Tarzan! 1-2-3-4 5-6-7-8 The dark fellow here is Paul Simon and the blond is Art Garfunkel. The poet is Simon. And if you felt that he's a poet now, wait till you hear some of his poetry. And you'll notice on the board that I have some things that you are familiar with: images, setting, figurative language, thematic words. And we'll be finding how, how he says what he does say. What do they want to say about our lives, and how? And I think the best way to start is by looking at one of the best of the poems, "The Dangling Conversation." That's the first one on your sheet. The process we'll use: first, we will read the poem, then listen to it. Then we'll talk about it and see how all the various poetic devices reinforce the theme, and see what you think about it, and then we'll listen to it once again, and I bet it means something a little bit more to you. It's a still life water color, Of a now late afternoon, As the sun shines through the curtained lace. And shadows wash the room. And we sit and drink our coffee. Couched in our indifference, Like shells upon the shore. You can hear the ocean roar. In the dangling conversation And the superficial sighs, The borders of our lives. And you read your Emily Dickinson, And I my Robert Frost, And we note our place with bookmarkers That measure what we've lost. Like a poem poorly written We are verses out of rhythm, Couplets out of rhyme, In syncopated time. And the dangled conversation And the superficial sighs, Are the borders of our lives. Yes, we speak of things that matter, With words that must be said, "Can analysis be worthwhile?" "Is the theater really dead?" And how the room is softly faded And I only kiss your shadow, I cannot feel your hand, You're a stranger now unto me. Lost in the dangling conversation. And the superficial sighs, In the borders of our lives. And notice how not only the devices reinforce the theme but also the very rhythms, the melodies, and how they use their timing. Now, when I taped these, they were from monaural and stereo records and the tape is a little fast; it's the Drama Club's tape recorder, so you have to be a little patient at the very beginning. It's a still life water color, Of a now late afternoon, As the sun shines through the curtained lace. And shadows wash the room. And we sit and drink our coffee. Couched in our indifference, Like shells upon the shore. You can hear the ocean roar. In the dangling conversation. And the superficial sighs, The borders of our lives. And you read your Emily Dickinson, And I my Robert Frost, And we note our place with bookmarkers. That measure what we've lost. Like a poem poorly written. We are verses out of rhythm, Couplets out of rhyme, In syncopated time. And the dangled conversation. And the superficial sighs, Are the borders of our lives. Yes, we speak of things that matter, With words that must be said, "Can analysis be worthwhile?" "Is the theater really dead?" Hey, you! Turn around, pal. - Sir. - Don't "sir" me. Don't feed me that "sir" business. You punched this guy in the mouth. On what basis? Sir, sir, he started mouthing off, and then he started laughing, Yeah, that doesn't give you a right to hit him. If he was a six-foot-two, two-hundred-and-fifteen-pound fullback, you wouldn't be so quick to punch him in the mouth. - P-E-R-G... - O-L-I-N-O. Where do you come in to hit this guy? He has a right to erase the board. That's not what it was over. Just as much as you have the right to write on it. You didn't have permission to write those names on the board, did you? - Pardon me, sir, but that wasn't what it was over. - What was it over? Sir, just before class started, you know, we had an argument and I didn't do nothing. Well, you're not supposed to do anything. You don't strike or hit anybody! Levine wears glasses on top of it, yet you still hit him. Sir, I wear glasses, too. That's why you're going to be suspended, for throwing the first punch, - Yes, sir. - Don't give me that "yes, sir" business! I don't like the "sir" business. You know why? Because there's no sincereness behind it. And, how about the poor, poor teacher. Whoever it was? I don't know. I don't know what it is she said that we did but being inhuman to another human being. That's what it amounts to. But all I know is that she got Sue in a lot of trouble. - Sue who? - The other girl. And, and I don't think Sue had any. She told, she said that we locked her in the closet. - I mean... - You mean Sue and you? I mean the class. Nobody locked her in the closet as far as I know. Look, I would've. If she had been locked in the closet I sure would've heard that and turned around and looked. She may have had a little more control than that. That much noise, it's a little embarrassing to her. She wasn't going to call everybody's attention to it. It wasn't fair! Like, Sue was just messing around, just as much as us. The rest of the classroom and now Sue's in so much trouble just because of that one teacher; and because Sue got in trouble I blame a lot on that teacher 'cause. Now, let's keep looking at that because again this is my concern, Eileen. Sue got in trouble because of the teacher. Sue did nothing to help? Whoever Sue is, I don't know. I'm glad you didn't answer me when I asked her name because it's easier to talk. Just messing around like everybody else. Can you tell me what messing around means? This is what I've been trying to find out for months. Every time you would say "messing around", what does it actually consist of? I don't know. Everyone talking, laughing. But just plain talking and laughing isn't offensive. Oh, we were catching a book or something. - Oh, you threw a book around. - Not just me! But whoever was involved. I know I did a lot. I did a lot. I talked back a lot. - Did you talk back to the teacher? - Yeah. And this is what you call "messing around." Isn't it more disrespectful? What I did, was disrespectful. What the rest... what everybody else did was messing around. I don't know. You see what Mother is saying, at least what I'm saying, I think what your mother is saying is that we hope, Eileen, that you don't set your standards by the so-called everybody else, but you set your own standards by what you know is the thing to do. I repeat, there's no doubt the teacher was not holding the class, was not doing the job that you, you think she should have done, from what you say. I'll accept that. But, you know, who breaks the circle when things go around and around and around? Someone has to be mature enough to move out of the circle and into the straight, right? Someone has got to break away from it. You're intelligent, you're mature, you have the background. You can be the one who can do it. Why don't you offer the positive kind of leadership that you can. That you know you have, that I know you have, that Mother knows you have. You can be a real force in any group, Eileen. Can't you? The kids rally around you a bit. Well, not really. I've seen you in the lunchroom. - Oh, Eileen can. - Your daughter is a potential leader. It shows wherever she is. I've seen her once in a while in a group. You can see who the leader is in a group. And she has it. Eileen has a very set mind and if she decides that something should be done, this is what she pursues. - This I know about her. - I think that's good. I think it's excellent in many ways. But I've often said to her, "Eileen, use your determination for right." "And as long as you do, you will be all right." And one thing, this is the one thing that bothers me so much, the main thing in our home has always been respect for an adult. I was brought up that way; my husband was. And we've been trying to teach our children the same thing. To me, I think one of the worst offenses is being disrespectful to an older person. Irregardless of what the condition may be. You can say the same thing in a pleasant manner that you can in an offensive way. And this is one thing that's disturbed me recently about Eileen. That even at home, now, she I don't say that the language that she uses is wrong, but it's the manner that a sentence is brought forth. And I told her, "Eventually, Eileen, this is going to hurt you outside." And finally it has. And I think that you would kind of have to decide, Arlene, how you would feel about where you stood in your college class. Whether you would rather be in an easier school and toward the top of the class or in a harder school and toward the bottom of the class. I think I would gain more by being like in the middle or the top than at the very bottom, not being able, you know, to keep up with everybody else. Do you want a college course, then, dear, where at the end of four years you would be finished with your education and able to go out and make a living, or do you want the kind of course where at the end of four years it is likely that you would be going on with your education? I'm not sure right now. I think I want to go on to four years of college and, maybe if I become a teacher, stop and then I can always take courses again. Go higher. Get a higher degree. Or, I think, uh, a social worker or psychologist has to go five years. Or six years, or seven years. It would depend on what you chose after that. I don't think I want to go for more than maybe 5 or 6 years, or more than 5. Well, I think you've given me kind of a pretty comprehensive idea of what you're looking for. And then I would have to ask you, sir, the hard, hard question of how much you could contribute to your daughter's education? Well, uh, that's a hard question to say because if she lives away from home, then it's a different story altogether. And if she's at home, it's another story. But the way she's talking, she doesn't want to stay home. So I would say, about maybe about a thousand dollars, fifteen hundred is about the best I could give her a year to go away to college. Then it would seem to me that, Arlene, that the most realistic way to plan it would be to think about where you could go if your father could give you a thousand dollars to fifteen hundred dollars, and then to try for scholarships at some other places that might be somewhat more expensive. But I think you kind of have to plan for where you would go if you didn't get any financial aid from someone. I mean, you always have to you can look at the brighter side about where you would like to go. You can have all your dream schools but then at the bottom you ought to have some college of last resort where you could be sure that you would go if none of your dreams came true. Rhona is the recipient of a ten-thousand-dollar Hero Scholarship to any college anywhere in the country she wants to go. I guess, I'm not saying she is college material, but at least she can have some type of education following. She can go to any college and do whatever she wanted to. Tell me again. Do you think you want to go to college? - Yes. - Do you think? What courses? You're lying to the man, now! Now talk, you don't want to go to college! Well, I do! But not the kind of college that you want me to. What kind of college do you want to go to? I want to be a cosmetician. - Well, that's not a college, is it? - Well, it's a beauty culture school. It's a beauty culture school. It's not a college. - The requirements for that are different than for college. - Yes. - You don't have any foreign language. - No. You don't have any algebra; you don't have geometry. So that actually, as far as going to college, you're not even prepared to go to college. Do you feel that you are disappointing your parents by not going to college? - Now, tell me the truth. - Yes. - You feel your parents are disappointed? - My father. Your father is. Tell me, would you feel better if you knew your father really accepted the fact that you didn't go to college? Do you feel a bit guilty for not, for not going to college? You say. - Well. - That you're disappointing your parents? I'm disappointing my father, but. I don't think I feel guilty about not going. You don't feel guilty at all. - Not guilty because... It's my life. - It's your life. I feel that what I want to be is more important than what he desires me to be. But you know your parents are disappointed? Your father in particular. You can't undo the past. Even if somebody has made a mistake and been wrong and unfair, you can't undo the past. The only thing that you can do is try to do better in the present so that the future will be better. So what I'm suggesting to you: work as hard as you can, do the best you can, and confer with Mr. Schuster about this and let's see what happens by the end of the semester. Okay? You go back to class now, or are you through? - Thanks again, Dr. Boodish. - You're welcome. - Thank you very much. - You're welcome and goodbye. Oh, incidentally, how about gym? This is the strongest girl in the school. - What are you going to do to pass gym? - Well, I have to do my makeups. And that's necessary for graduation, you know. - It is? - It is. She has to pass. I just wish, Dr. Boodish, she was as smart as she is strong. - Alright, thank you, Doctor. - Very strong girl. Tell me. I'm going to ask your daughter a question. How did you feel about that remark that your father just made? - I liked it. - You liked it? Yeah. Good. Okay. There is a car in the students' driveway, blocking the exit of two other cars. - I don't believe in giving. - Give them jobs. I don't believe in giving; let them earn it. I think people have got there's too much relief going on, that's all. We are too much to a point where they are giving all the time. You're all hung up, you're all hung up on the Protestant ethic. There are so many facets to this. I don't believe in what Bill says. I don't believe 100% in what Bill says. No, I can't think about giving things away. I don't think anybody appreciates anything. Look at your own children. When you give 'em, do they really appreciate it? Sometimes if they work for it a little bit, Bill, they appreciate these things more. Look at this money that we are giving away to the world foreign aid. They're laughing at us. They're cramming it right down your throat. Actually, that foreign aid business we're really giving money to the guys that are buying from the rich people and from the manufacturers over here. That's where the money's going. It's not just being given to them; it's going the other way. But the thing is, there is so much money being wasted. Yes. W. H. Silvers. Now what was he trying to do? What was his purpose? Yes, Adele? He was trying to establish an eight-hour workday [inaudible]. Yes, he wanted higher wages; he wanted an eight-hour workday, but he tried to unite, this is the important thing about him. He tried to unite all labor unions of the country into a federation membership. What on the horizon or what existed that forced labor to turn to collective bargaining? What was there a lack of? Communication. Yes, communication. Lack of security, concern for the job. The important thing is this: let's get to the beginnings first of all, there was the lack of security. Second of all, there was a lack of communication the attitude of the employees or of the employers toward the employees, with regard to working conditions, with regard to living conditions, with regard to wages very little communication. Alright, we have evidently a great imbalance in American society. We have, on the one hand, we have an affluent society and that's one America and on the other hand we have another America and by the way, that's the name of a good book by Michael Harrington, called The Other America. And what is this other America? Another America that's not America of poverty. America that's not sharing in the affluence of American society. And King was there to try to uplift this other America. You know what the Department of Labor says should be the comfort level of a family of four a man, a wife, and two children? What they should earn to be comfortable. Not moderately comfortable, not, you know, affluent, but just moderately comfortable in our society. Know what the figure is, any idea what it is? Christine? - How much? - 9000. Yes, a little over 9000$. So you can imagine. Do you know what percent of the American population earns over 9000$? It's not the majority. Let's determine some of the attitudes in this class and see how we come out. Alright, how many of you would be a member of a club where a minority of the members of the club were Negro? How many would accept that situation? You would be a member of a club if the minority of the members were Negro? Alright. Okay, fine, put your hands down. How many would not be a member of a club? Alright. How many would be a member of the club where half the members were Negro members, the other half were white? Alright. Put your hands down. And how many would not be a member of that, that club? Don't... remember there's no right or wrong answer; it just, I'm just trying to determine what attitudes are. Cause Northeast is such a cloistered and secluded place. The policy at Northeast is to avoid conflict. Oh, there are good points, Mark but can't you find anything good about this school? It's got lots of room, except not for as many kids as are in it. It's very nice, well ventilated. I can't say anything about the people who go to it, though, really. With very few exceptions. And most of the people I have, I can make those exceptions about are right in this room, with maybe five or six exceptions. And the rest of the school stinks, in my estimation. You know, I'm not qualified to make, you know, gigantic judgments about the school, but I think in its attitude toward education and its relations with the world today this school is miserable. It's cloistered, it's secluded, it's completely sheltered from everything that's going on in the world. And I think it's wrong and has to be changed and I think that's our purpose here. And not to talk about films. A lot of you are so negative that I can see someday somebody coming up and saying, You know, you kids just don't belong. You spoil Northeast. Northeast High would be nice. That's just what happened! Mr. Simon pulled me in to his office and said, You don't look like a Northeaster, son. Second I think one thing that has to be changed around is the fact that you have these, see like, you have these variables existing within the school system in Northeast. And the thing about it that makes it so alien or, or fails toward us is the fact that you have to, like, conform to these ideas which people like Mr. Simon, Dr. Allen. Alright, he's got problems. Second I would also like to say that I would like to say that he is in a position where maybe you'll find others who are not of the same opinion. The only difference is that he has a job as vice principal that is in contact with the students. He handles student activities. Now, I'm not saying that Mr. Simon is the only one that says these things. The rule, the rule is, is very I think you'll agree consistent among many members of the faculty. And don't just pinpoint Mr. Simon. He may be right, he may be wrong, but he's the one voicing it all the time. But he's voicing it, a quite common feeling. Well, I'll say something good about the school. I'll say that scientifically and technologically. Northeast is an advanced school apart from other high schools. A compliment! I'm going to faint. Apart from other high schools in the country, possibly, possibly in the world also. This school in those, in that particular field, is the leader. As Mark has said, morally, socially, this school is a garbage can. Let's face the facts. Morally? Completely? Yes. Well, I venture to say that the moral problems you have here in general are in existence in most schools. - You see, the trouble is... - Perhaps more so. I don't think it's that bad. Now, boys and girls, we have a very new plaque out in the hall, if you've noticed, outside the main office, framed, which has a special thought for the day, written to attract your attention. Now I think it's very fine. But, as always, we have on our bulletin another thought for the day, and this one, especially in my field, is very important, but in any kind of research to have the right words for what you have to say in these days, to express things so that people do not misunderstand you. The dictionary is the only place where 'success' comes before 'work'. For the tenth and eleventh-grade boys who signed up for Food Experiences for Boys, you must go to room 130 this week to verify your registration. The Spectator Club will discuss Martin Luther King's assassination today at 3:15 in Room Two-twenty-eight. Northeast Mambo! Olé! Olé! And in general, the more a fellow gets into bed with more different girls, the more insecure he is. And this shows up actually later, in all the divorce statistics and in the marriage statistics. The more intercourse either a boy or a girl has had prior to marriage, the less likely they are to make successful marriage partners, husbands, wives, and the greater in other words, you can graph it right on a graph, the more girls a fellow's gotten into bed with or vice versa, the higher the divorce rate, the greater the sexual inadequacy, and the failure of compatibility. As with anything else, the real pros in the field keep it to themselves and aren't profligate. "Is it possible to impregnate a girl by rubbing the surface of the vagina? " With what? Your nose? This brings up one other good point. This brings up one other darn good point. Virginity is a state of mind. By that, I have seen several girls who have been physiologically, or by physical examination, virgins; the hymen, the mucous membrane covering the so-called, the cherry it's called the cherry because it produces red fluid when it's busted is intact. I have seen girls whose hymens were so small that I couldn't pass a finger through them. In fact, I once saw a girl I happen to be a gynecologist and get paid to do it. I once saw a girl who had rickets when she was a baby, whose bony structure was so deformed that I could get my finger in this way but not broad ways her bony structure down there who had succeeded in becoming pregnant. Sperm happen to be very actively motile. They have a good ability to move on their own. And many a girl has become pregnant through spray. If you are not prepared to handle the responsibility of that girl's becoming pregnant or having a baby, you've got two choices: one, make sure there's adequate protection to prevent having a baby; two, if there isn't, don't. Because you are just as much responsible, if not a little bit more, than the girl if a pregnancy ensues. Nature sets us up that the male is the aggressor and the female is the passive in this set of circumstances. It takes a girl longer to get sexually aroused than it does a boy. This is the nature of the beast. We can get a better idea of the relationship of the fallopian tubes and ovaries if we view them from the front. Under normal conditions an ovum matures in the ovary, then passes down the fallopian tube on its way to the uterus. When gonorrhea spreads upward, the infection can cause damage, which blocks the fallopian tubes, sometimes causing severe complications. As in a boy, untreated gonorrhea can make a girl sterile, unable to become a mother. However, a girl with gonorrhea can become a mother; but this creates another problem. When the baby is ready to be born, there is danger that she may transmit the disease to the child when it passes out of her body. You didn't get hit, eh? Good. Glad to see you. You have to go back? - When do you get out? - First of September. That's terrific. September? Oh! September sixty... 69. You remember Halsie? - Is Halsie back? - He came back. He was wounded. - I heard that. I didn't see him. - Pepe was wounded also. Saw a lot of guys Pepe got hurt, he was really. Pepe was shot up pretty bad. Pepe was a guy I guess about five yards from one of them mines in one of those little holes they dig, and they popped up with an automatic rifle on him, opened up. Really got him in the foot, pretty bad. And he turned around and he killed the guy, but he's done for soccer or anything like that forever. He can never play that again. Yeah. He was a good soccer player. He's through with that. And first they thought they might have to amputate. But he was down the naval hospital for quite a long time, and then he came up with a cast and crutches, and then he came up with a cane, and the next time I saw him, this last time I saw him, he was walking pretty well, but he'll never be able to hit with that foot or anything 'cause they're rebuilding it. He was pretty... When he first came back, he was pretty melancholy, like, you know? And naturally so. But I think he's got himself adjusted now. He seems to be alright, I'm glad to say. I'm glad you didn't get hit. I've got it! You're almost there! Jan, you have nineteen seconds, Jan. 18-17-16-15 14-13-12-11 10-9-8-7-6 5-4-3-2-1. That's it. You've landed. Cherry, disconnect audio, please. - Is the hatch clear? - The hatch is clear, yeah. - Alright. - Okay. - I've got something for you, man. - Thanks. - Good going. - Hello, Dr.Haller! - How do you feel? - Great! Do you? Oh. Terrific. You made it! We're so proud of you. - He's got the strength of a bull. - Mr. Gordon! Good seeing you again. Jan, you look really good. You look grizzly, Jan, real grizzly. Mr. Montgomery, hug all three of them now. I'm going to help get, I'm gonna just start getting this thing off him, okay? Look at that beard, man! The beard. The beard. I'll talk to you later. - Good job! - Thanks a lot. Scott! Good job. We received a telegram this morning and I want to read it at this time. Students and faculty of Northeast High School, Attention Robert Montgomery. I should like to take this opportunity to extend my best wishes to each of you for your continued success with Project SPARC. Specifically, my heartiest congratulations to astronauts Jan Gabin, Harvey Rubin, and Scott Cherry, upon completion of 193 hours of simulated flight. The telegram comes from L. Gordon Cooper, NASA, Astronaut. This is man Number One, Number Two, Number Three. Drums! Roll 'em. Now, let me read you this one, if I'm able to get through it. This is written from, and I might say that the letter that I'm about to read is from Bob Walters. Bob Walters, as Fran could tell you, she could write his biography, was a boy without parents who might have been a nobody. He certainly was not a high academic student; he was most average or subaverage in many ways. But a few teachers who cared made a great difference in this boy's life. His letter comes on stationery marked USS Okinawa. I hope I can get through it, if I don't, Hy, you'll have to go on. Dear Dr. Haller, I have only a few hours before I go. Today I will take a plane trip from this ship. I pray that I'll make it back. But it is all in God's hands now. You see, I am going with three other men. We are going to be dropped behind the DMZ, the Demilitarized Zone. The reason for telling you this is that all my insurance money will be given for that scholarship I once started but never finished if I don't make it back. I am only insured for $10,000. Maybe it could help someone. I have been trying to become a Big Brother in Vietnam, but it is very hard to do. I have to write back and forth to San Diego, California, and that takes time. I only hope that I am good enough to become one. God only knows. I really pray that the young men in your cooking classes will use this change of learning very well. Thank you, Dr. Haller, for helping these men become good, very fine cooks. He should have said "Thank you, Mrs. C". My personal family usually doesn't understand me. They don't see, they don't understand why I have to do what I do do. They say that I'm a real nut to do such work, but thus they say: 'Don't you value life? Are you crazy? '. My answer is: Yes. But I value all the lives of South Vietnam and the free world so that they and all of us can live in peace. Am I wrong, Dr. Haller? If I do my best all the time and believe in what I do, believe that what I do is right, that is all I can do. Dr. Haller, if anything happens to me, James C. Heckwicker - I think it is - will send you a telegram and in time he will send you the money. Please don't say anything to Mrs. C but I did she would only worry over me. I am not worth it. I am only a body doing a job. In closing, I thank everyone for what they all have done for me. Yours truly, Bob Walters. Thank you all again very much. Please forgive my handwriting. I am a little jumpy. Please understand. Now when you get a letter like this, to me it means that we are very successful at Northeast High School. I think you will agree with me. Subtitles: tadanobu@KG. Subtitles made with the help of Spanish subs and English transcription. ALL MONSTERS ATTACK Out of the way! - Minya sounds like that. - Minya? Minya makes a sound like that car. You're living. I don't think he sounds like that. It may not be that exactly, but it's like that. Son, are you going home now? Oh, father! I've got to work late! Be good until mother gets home! Okay. I'll be good! What is it? I found a radio tube. You can't keep that! Put it back! Hey! We're going to have to work a little later. Hey, are you having any trouble with your kid? What do you mean? He just seems to be awfully quiet. It's normal. Really? Well, it's hard to understand kids today. We have to take a step back. Everyone is so hard at work that we forget about the kids, huh? Do you know of a solution? I'll give up this life when i save enough money and move us out of the city, whenever that will be. Get a load of this! They found the getaway car of the crooks who stole ¥50.000.000 by the trains! If it was by the trains, those crooks could have boarded them and be anywhere by now. ¥50.000.000 yen...? Hey, let's go play in that building for a while. We shouldn't. That building is closed. I know how to get in there! But... we could get in trouble. There's no one in there. All of the kids play here. You were to wait for your mom... We shouldn't. Hey, let's go home! We'll be alright! Ichiro, it's Gabara! Hurry, let's get out of here! Sachiko, what are you doing there? Oh, mother! You know you shouldn't be playing around here. Ichiro, you should hurry home. Your mother will be worried. Goodbye! Hey, Ichiro! I bet you stole that radio tube! You're wrong! I found it over there! - Liar! - It's true! You can't find anything good there! - Well, i... - Give it here! He did it! But, i really found it over there! If that's so, then go over and honk the horn on that guy's motorcycle. That man is working! He won't do it because he's scared! Do it if you want this back! I won't! You're a chicken! Nyah, nyah! You're a chicken! Nyah, nyah! All units, the two fugitives wanted for the theft of ¥50.000.000 from the bank are still at large. Report to headquarters for new assignment, over. This is car 11-5, roger. Ichiro, are you heading home? Oh, Ichiro. You'll find the key in it's usual place. What's that? This? It's a new toy. I call it a TV computer. - A TV computer? - Yes. What does this computer do? Can it do things like homework? It stores data. But, hey... let me show you. Just push this button and... "Kids, the moon is 1/50th the size of our world. " How about it? Would you like to learn more about the moon? What do you think? The moon is a neat place, but there's another place that i'd rather visit. Where is that? Monster Island. Monster Island? Minya lives there, along with Godzilla, Rodan and Kumonga. All of them live there. And they all beat up on Gabara. Gabara? What monster is named that? He's someone that always wants to fight. Oh, you mean that kid in school you call Gabara. Was he picking on you again? Today, he took away a radio tube i found. Why don't you stand up to him? I would, but he'll knock me down. If he knocks you down, you just get back up and try again. But, it's hard when you're small like me. Yoichi, it would be great it you could put all of the monster sounds in here. See you later! I see. All of the monster cries, huh? What monster's voice was that just now? It was mine! What? Is that all? "Ichiro, do your homework before you play. " "I left some cake in the cupboard. I'll fix dinner when i get home. " "Mother. " With the signing of the world treaty, it now goes to the United States Congress for ratification. And now for some local news. Police are still looking for the two men who robbed ¥50.000.000 from a bank. Today, they were inspired by the clues left behind. The criminals abandoned their getaway car in an alley, and police believe they may still be in the area. The police will conduct door-to-door searches in order to track them down. Ichiro, i don't understand what's happened between us! I can not stay with you any longer. Can you try to forget about me? - I will only bring you sadness. - Ichiro! Computer, computer... take me to Monster Island. Computer, computer... please tell me all you know about Monster Island. Computer, go ahead. What? Oh, the antenna. Where is Monster Island? Computer, go ahead. Yes? Yes? We're going by jet? We're taking a jet out of Haneda Airport? Ladies and gentleman, thank you for riding with us on Pan-Am Airlines. We will arrive at Monster Island on schedule. Monster Island, Monster Island this is Monster 1-5. We are ready to make our final approach. It' Godzilla... and Kamakuras! Gorosaurus! Manda! Angilas! It's Oowashi! It's Kamakuras! Alright! Minya! Come over here. I won't do anything to hurt you. Really? You don't need to be afraid of me. Thank you for helping me out. Why did you come to Monster Island? I wanted to meet all of you. Won't you father and mother be worried? They're never around when i get home from school. It's Gabara! Gabara? Let's go! Is that Gabara? It is. He's very bad. Do you ever fight? I can't. He's too strong for me. Well, i'm the same way. - What do you mean? - We both have our own Gabara! Mother! Yes? This is toy consultant Inami. Is this Ichiro's mother? Yes. I hate to be a bother, but would you mind looking after Ichiro a while? It's alright. He just fell asleep a little while ago. What's the matter? I'll be home tonight, but an associate is out sick and i'm filling in for her. I'm very sorry about this. Thank you for doing it. - It's the police. - What's going on? Hey, you know those crooks who stole ¥50.000.000? The police think could be in this neighborhood. Oh, my! Hey, wake up. Hey, it's time to wake up. Where am i? Where did i go? Where? Hey, hey, you're right where you were when you fell asleep. Oh, no. Why didn't you let me stay asleep? Why would i do that? I was just about to be introduced to Godzilla by a very special friend. Who? By Minya. Minya and i have become good friends. Hey, hey! Don't you go back to sleep on me! I just got a phone call from your mother. She won't be able to make it home tonight. Really? Again? They always do this to me! Relax! Relax! Your mother and father work hard to make ends meet. I got it! Why don't you eat with me tonight? Is that okay? Hey, you'll be okay! Well, come over to my place for dinner. Minya, come get me. Minya, come get me. Minya, come get me. It's no use. Oh, no. Hey, Ichiro! Come here! Come here! - Ichiro's a coward! - What a chicken! Is nobody in here? I'm right! Gabara may have taken my other radio tube, but he won't get hold of these. I should have guessed Gabara would come here. Over there! Headphones! I finally found them! Quiet! Stupid idiot! How could you do such a thing? ! What did i do? When you looked down this hole, you driver's license fell out of your pocket and the kid has it! Get down! Hey, follow that kid home and get your license back! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Don't do that, you'll break it! It's already broken. It's okay for now, but if you break anything more... i'll never be able to sell it anytime soon. I have my own driver's license. Hey, hey, hey! Why don't you take your toy license elsewhere? Monster Island, Monster Island. Monster Island, go ahead. Monster Island, go ahead. Mister! You're interested in this car, right? Well, i... It looks old on the outside, but is runs good. Would you like to speak to the owner? Oh, this isn't you car? Well, it's not, but i'm in charge of it. How about it? Let me show it to you. - No... maybe later! - Hey, hey! What a cheapskate! - Hey, Ichiro! Dinner time! - Right! Hey, what's the matter? You haven't bad any meat! I would... but it's not right. What do you mean? I don't want you to go bankrupt. I won't go bankrupt over sukiyaki! Did you sell your toy? I think i did. And for that, i'll make you my monitor. Monitor? I make a new toy, and as a child you can test it to see if you like it or not. Well, can i monitor the sukiyaki too? That's right. Let's eat! Hey, hey! Gobbling you food like that is bad for you! You won't be able to sleep! Oh, that's right! If you find that i'm asleep, don't wake me. I'll be visiting Godzilla. Godzilla? Where is he at? On Monster Island. Minya is going to introduce me to him. We're sorry to intrude on you. What is it? We're with the police. We need to ask you some questions. The car for sale outside, is it yours? It is... but, isn't alright to have it out there? No, no... that's not the problem. Do you know of the criminals that stole ¥50.000.000 recently? They may be looking for a car, and we wanted you to be sure to lock it securely. Really? Well, thank you for telling me. Thank you. We'll be on our way. Let's go. Thief! Thief! Get away! Get away! Thank you. What do we do now? I don't know how much longer i can stay here. I'm hungry! Hey, it wouldn't hurt to get some curry. Hold it. You held out longer last month when we were west of here. I sure hope you can lead us back to where that kid lives. I found him on the second floor of an apartment complex. Alright. Hey! Don't go to sleep! Let's go finish this. Hey! Minya! Gabara! I did it! Hi! What? It's you! What are you doing? I don't have any friends to play with. Well, it's the same with me. What brought you back here? Well... i was hoping that you would introduce me to Godzilla. Really? I wonder where he is now? You don't know where he is? - I don't think he's very happy with me. - Why? Godzilla feels i should fight my own battles and start creating my own legends. Wow, he's strict! Oh, there he is! Let's go! Horray! Horray! Good luck! Good luck! Go get him! Good luck! Back up. Back up. Will Godzilla be alright under water? He'll be alright. He's very strong. He did it! He did it! Godzilla is back on land. Let's follow him. Kumonga! Godzilla's eve was hurt! Alright! Hurry! Hurry! Get going! Get going! Your breath isn't that strong yet, huh? Well, Godzilla's just about to use his, and it sure is powerful! Wow, that's great! Look at that! Godzilla is on the ground! He did it! He did it! He did it! What's the matter? It's Gabara! What is he doing? Is he attacking? Hey, let's get away! But... Godzilla won't be very pleased with me if i run away again! You can't do it! Alright! Minya, good luck! Good luck! Go get him! Minya, run away! Run away! Okay, let's get out of here! It's okay now. I was cheering you on, but it's not enough against him. Those are jet fighters. The humans in them attack us whenever they pass over the island. Hooray! Hooray! No, no, no, no... I guess humans aren't the only ones who have to study... That was great, Minya! Stop squirming! If you don't stop. I'll use this! I'll use this! Hey, see if it's clear. Ichiro! Hey, Kid! What's the big idea stealing this? - It's alright now, go get us a car! - Right! You're going to behave, okay? Be quiet! Stop your crying! What kind of young man are you? I'm a young man that's scared! You just keep quiet! - I'll take a bowl! - Yes, sir! Hello. We meet again. Are you still working this late? It's been pretty hopeless so far. Then you haven't found any leads in the investigation? We've gone through this area, but the clues have been very scare. I figured we would look around a little longer. Hey, would ¥50.000.000 fill a bag? Sure. It would fill a bag about this big. Damn! What's taking him so long to get a car? Just ignore me. Just ignore me. Just ignore me. Just ignore me. Just ignore me. - Minya. It's Minya. - What? You better watch out for Minya. There's nothing to look out for here! Minya... Minya... Minya... Minya... Minya... Minya... Minya... Minya... Minya! Hang in there! I know you can do it! That's it! Minya! This way! Come up here! Minya! Hurry up! I have an idea! Hurry! Hurry! This will work! When Gabara steps on that end of the tree, you jump on this end! What will happen then? It will send him flying! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Alright! Let's do it! Now! You did it! Godzilla, get him! He did it! He did it! He did it! He did it! I knew Godzilla was the greatest! Gabara's a chicken! Gabara's a chicken! Don't do it! I'm on your side! Stay back! Somebody, help me! - Help me! Help me! Help me! - Hey! You're having a nightmare! - Help me! Help me! - Wake up! Hey! Wake up! Keep quiet! It's me! It's me! Stupid idiot! What took you so long? ! Give me a break! The tire was punctured! The spare wasn't very good, either! - I don't think that this... - Do you have the car? ! The car is ready for us outside. Your hankerchief... Your hankerchief! Are we taking the kid? I'm not too keen on kidnapping. Not his legs! His hands! We won't kill the kid. We'll just take him with us. He's going to be our insurance. Sort of like a safety net, huh? Grab the bag and let's get going! Right... - Hey, i... - Hurry up! Sit still! Hurry up! Damn, not another delay! We have to hurry up! Hey... you stay put, okay? What's the matter? Idiot! Let me do it! Whatever you're doing, hurry! Godzilla feels i should fight my own battles and start creating my own legends. Let me go! Let me go! You brat! Stop! Keep quiet! Damn! He's in here. Let's get him and head for the car. Hey, you check those rooms and see if he's in there. Idiot! Be careful, you idiot! What do you expect me to do? I'm not some animal that can see in the dark! That's enough! Come on! - Hey, did you find him? - No. Damn! - Where could he have gone? ! - He's not here. Hey, you go down and watch the entrance. I'll go check the second floor again. Damn brat! What's the matter? - He's on the third floor. - Good. Hmm... this car looks kind of familiar. Where have i seen it? This is my car! If this is my car, why is it out here? This is strange... What's this? It isn't mine. The thieves! Well... i looked in my car and found a bag! Yes, a bag! I'm sure i didn't imagine it! Damn! You think you can get away? Hey! I found him! Hurry! What happened? ! - Where are you? - I... i'm here! - But where is that? - I'm below you! You stupid idiot! - Damn! - What happened? It's not broken. Hey, where can i find him? Up there! Why didn't you tell me sooner? ! There he is! Hold it! Hold it, you brat! Bastard! Hey, stop! Stop it! Wait! Here it is! This is it. - Uncle! - It's Ichiro! - Ichiro! - Uncle! Uncle! Get back! Put your hands up! - Drop the knife! - Hurry up! Hey! Come here! Put your hands in the air! Come out here now! - I'm sorry! - Yeah, right! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Those two... Ichiro, did you catch them on your own? Yes, i did. It's all right... it's all right... You did it, huh? Good job. - Go ahead. - Oh, thank you. I'm sorry. You mother had to work again last night. I won't do it again. But... it's so we can live better, right? Oh, my! You and dad work any time you have to. I'll be alright. Breakfast was good! - See you later! - See you later! Be careful! Boy, you faced the thieves on your own? I wasn't alone. Huh? You weren't alone? Who else helped you? Hey, who helped you through the ordeal? It was Minya. Minya? - See you later! - Hey, Kid! Boy! It's alright! It's Minya... the monster. I think i understand. I think he believes that his ideas came from Minya. - Believes...? - Yes. In a man's world, we have our god. In a child's world, it's not difficult to view Minya as a divine guide. Sachiko! Did you tell your story to the reporters? I want to see it when it's done. Hey, Ichiro. Will you join my gang? No! What? ! You're no good, Gabara! I hate you! Why you...! I won't be bullied! I hate you! Stop that! What are you doing? ! You shouldn't play with that! Stop that...! He did it! Let's go! Stop! Hey! Hey! Stop! Father! - Father! - Yes, son? Dad, do a favor? Can you hold up that man? - Huh? What's the matter? - I made him angry! - Huh? - Hey! You! Stop! You can't get away! - Get going! - Thank you, dad! Hey! Hey! Wait! I'm sorry. What appears to be the problem? - What kind of question is that? ! - Hey, what happened? I've got paint all over me because of that kid! - I didn't do a thing to him! - I'm sure he didn't mean it. Hey, Ichiro! Mister, i'm sorry! THE END TOHO CO., LTD. ALL MONSTERS ATTACK Executive Producer TOMO YUKI TANAKA Screenplay by SHINICHI SEKIZAWA Director of Photography SOKEl TOMIOKA Art Director TAKEO KITA Sound Recording by NORIO TONE Lighting by FUMIYOSHI HARA Voicing by HISASHI SIMONAGA Go! Go! 1, 2, 3... Music by KUNIO MIYAUCHI Theme Song: "Monster March" Lyric by SHINICHI SEKIZAWA Composer GENTA KANO Arrange by JINZO KOSUGI Singer RISATO SASAKI 3, 4, 5, 6, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8... Assistant Director MASAAKI HISAMATSU, TERUYOSHI NAKANO Editor MASAHISA HIMI, Image Composition by HIROSHI MUKO YAMA Physical Effect by FUMIO NAKADAI Film Developing TOKYO LABORATORY Co., LTD. Production Manager YASUSHI SAKAI Marching of Mr. Monsters with the style Destroy everything Ghooo! Ghooo! Godzilla fires radioactivity... Cast Mi Mi Minilla, Poo Poo Poo... KENJI SAHARA, MACHIKO NAKA, TOMONORI YAZAKI, HIDEYO AMAMOTO Bang Crash Bang Crash They destroy everything... SACHIO SAKAI, KAZUO SUZUKI, IKIO SAWAMURA SHIGEKI ISHIDA, YUTAKA SADA, OHOTARO TOGIN, YUTAKA NAKAYAMA, YOSHIFUMI TAJIMA Sorry, sorry But living is hard for us also... JUNICHI ITO, TORU MORI, TOSHIYA KUROKAWA, HIRO YUKI MIYAOKA, NOBUTO TAKAHASHI, HIDEMI ITO, MA-CHAN THE MIDGET, YASUHIKO KAKUYUKI, HARUO NAKAJIMA, MIDORI YAMAUCHI (Voice of Minilla) Director of Special Effects EIJI TSUBURAYA Directed by ISHIRO HONDA Get out! Eeeeee! It sounds like Minilla. Minilla? Yeah. Minilla cries like that... Kee Kee Keee Liar. You've never seen one. No. But it's true. Damn. Kee KeKe Kee KeeKe Keeee... Ghoo Ghoo Gyahh. The monsters are crying Why the earth is so hard to live Ghoo! Ghoo! Godzilla is also surprised Mi Mi Minilla is trembling, too Bang! Crash! Bang! Crash! They destroy everything Megaton, smog and exhaustion That's the real monsters! Hey, son, are you going home? Yeah, Dad. I have to work tonight. Take care of the house till your mom comes home. Yeah, I will. What's that? A vacuum tube. It's dirty. Leave it alone. Hey, the next train is a little late. Oh. Is something wrong with your boy? No. Why? You should be careful. Kids can get asthma, you know. He doesn't look well. No way. But I'm worried that he is too shy. Oh? He stays in his shell. I know it's better to have someone around, but my wife also works. So he's a latchkey kid. Yeah. I'm trying to save money to move to a better place. But I don't know when. Hell. "Police find getaway car of thieves who stole 50 million yen." What's good about finding that car? The thieves had already gotten away with another car. 50 million yen. Sachiko. Let's go in there. We can't. The fences are all around. I know where we can get in. But we'll be in trouble. No one is watching. A lot of kids play there. Mom is waiting; I can't go. Chi. Look, don't do it. Don't worry. Ichiro, it's Gabara. Ah! Eeeee! Weeee! Come out! Hurry! Sachiko, what are you doing there? Oh, Mommy. - Don't play around here. - Yes. Ichiro, go home now. Your Mom would be waiting. Yes. Good-bye. Hey, Ichiro. You found that vacuum tube here, didn't you? No, no, I found it over there. - Liar! - It's true. Give it to me! But I... Give it to me! I got it baby. Yahoo! But I really found it over there. If you want it back, blow that motorcycle's horn. He will be surprised. That's why it's fun. Do it. Don't you want it back? I... don't want it. Scaredy-cat! Scaredy-cat! All patrol cars, there are two 50 million yen thieves. They may steal another getaway car. Observe all parked cars also. This is Oar 11. Roger. - Ichiro, you just got home? - Yes. Ichiro? The key is at the same place. Yeah. What's that? This? A new toy. It's called "Kiddy Computer." Kiddy Computer? Yes. Will that computer do anything... like my homework? Don't ask for too much. But watch this. Push this switch. Everyone, Apollo 11 has landed on the Moon. Doesn't that make you want to go to the Moon? So today, let's study the Moon... How do you like it? Traveling to the Moon sounds good, but there's a place I'd really rather go to. Where is it? Monster Island. Monster Island? Yeah. Minilla, Godzilla, Rodan, Kumonga and many other monsters are there. They are stronger than Gabara. Gabara? I don't know that monster. I mean Sanko, the bully. Oh, that brat is called Gabara? Has he been bullying you? Today he stole the vacuum tube I found. Why didn't you take it back? Because... I am not strong enough. There is a saying... take a chance; then the door may open. What if it doesn't open? Ha? Look, why don't you record monsters' roars on this? It would be cool. Hmm. Well, good-bye. I see. Monsters' roars. Ah-ch! Ah-ch! Whose roar is that? My roar. Ah-ch! Gee, it's disgusting. Uh? Ichiro, finish your homework before you play. You can find your snack in the usual place. I'll make dinner when I get home. Mom. He said, "The crazy behavior of young people, which is becoming a world fashion, is creating problems." Next: The police who are investigating the 50 million yen robbery, announced today that the thieves may still be hiding near where a getaway car was found. They are intensively searching the area. Ichiro, this is good-bye for us. No, I will come back for you, I promise. I will never forget you. This is a lesson for our love. Ichiro! Eeeeee! Computer, computer, take me to the Monster Island. Computer, computer, tell me where the Monster Island is. Over. Oh, I forgot an antenna. Where is the Monster Island? Computer. Over. Yes, yes, a jet plane? A jet plane from Haneda Airport, isn't it? Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for flying Pan American. Flight 001 to Monster Island has departed Haneda Airport on schedule. Calling Monster Island. This is Monster 001 approaching for landing. It's Godzilla! Kamacuras! Wow! Gorozaurus! Manda! Anguirus! Oh, Giant Condor! Oh. Kamacuras! Ouch! Ouch! Okay then! What? Oh, it's Minilla! Come here. I won't be mean to you. You mean it? We don't lie, not like humans. Thank you. You saved me. Why? Why are you here? I wanted to see all of you. Aren't your mother and father worried? They are not home during the day. I am all alone after school. Really. Oops, it's Gabara! Gabara? Yes, let's go. Is that Gabara? Yes. He is mean. Have you ever fought with him? No. He is strong... The same with me. About what? The Gabara that I know. I see. Ah-ch! Mommy! Yes, it's Minami, the toy consultant. Who? Oh, it's Ichiro's mother. Yes. I am sorry to be a bother, but could you give a message to Ichiro? No problem. I think he's been taking a nap. What is it? Well, I can't go home tonight. The other maid got sick, and I have to cover for her. I am sorry. Thank you for helping me. Thank you. They are detectives. Any trouble? The detectives say those 50 million yen thieves are hiding around here. Oh, no. Wake up! Hey, wake up! Where! Where did you go? Where are you? Come on. You are still half sleeping. I'm not going anywhere. Oh, no, why did you wake me up? Sorry. He was going to take me to Godzilla. Who's he? Minilla. I became friends with Minilla. Come on. You want to continue your dream? Your mother just called. She can't come home tonight. Really? Yeah. Shoot! Again. It happens all the time. Don't complain. Your mother and father work very hard. I've an idea. Let's eat dinner together. Okay? Hey, cheer up. Yes. I'll call you when it's ready. Minilla come back. Minilla come back. Minilla come back. Doesn't work. It's pulling! There! Oh, it got away. Damn. Hey, Ichiro, come here! Come here! He ran away. He's a wimp. Okay. Nobody's around. I've got an idea. I won't give this to Gabara, but I could give this to Sachiko. SECOND FLOOR Damn! I'm not afraid of Gabara. Hey, a police car! This is cool! Let's follow it! This is the headset! Great! I've found a treasure. THIRD FLOOR Ouch! Stupid! You damned fool. What did I do? When you looked down through this hole, your driver's license fell from your pocket. What? Oh, no! Get down! Find out where that boy is going. Yeah. "For Sale, bargain price." Hey. Don't play with it. You will break it. It's already broken. If it gets worse, we can't move this. Shinpei should have gotten rid of this sooner. I have a driver's license. Stop it. Look, you can't drive with a fake license. Shoot! Monster Island, Monster Island. Monster Island, come in. Monster Island, come in. Can I help you? Do you want to buy this car? Well, you know... It looks like junk, but it works fine. If you want it now, I'll give you a good price. Is this yours? No, but I'm taking care of it. Do you want to take a look? No. Maybe some other time. Oh, wait! Damn it! Just a teaser. Hey, Ichiro, dinner is ready. Coming. What's the matter? You haven't touched the beef. Here. I feel bad. Why? I'm afraid you may run out of money. I won't run out of money just buying sukiyaki beef. Did you sell that new toy? There is a hope. I want you to be a trial user. Trial user? I want a child's honest opinion of the new toy. And you are paying me with sukiyaki? Sort of. Thank you. Hey, hey, don't eat like a horse. If your stomach is full, you'll be sleepy. Oh, you know what? Next time, don't wake me when I'm asleep. I'm going to see Godzilla. Godzilla? Where is he? Monster Island. Minilla is going to take me. Sorry to interrupt your dinner. Something important? We are from the Police Department. I have a question to ask you. That car down there. I understand that's yours. Yes. But that isn't no-parking, is it? No, that's not why we are here. As you may know, the 50 million yen thieves... Yes. They may steal a car to run away, so we want you to be careful. I understand. Thank you for coming over. Sorry to bother you. Let's go. Yes, sir. Thief! Thief! Police! Police! Good night. What are we going to do? Smoking won't fill my stomach. I'm starving. Look, aren't we loaded? Idiot, instead of food, we've got to think of how to get out of here. Hey, did you find out where that child lives? Sure, the second floor, third apartment from the right. Okay then. Hey, put this off. Let's go. Yoo-hoo! Minilla! Oh, no. Gabara. I'm safe. Hi. Oh. It's you. What are you doing? Well, I have no friends to play with and I'm bored. Then you are just like me. I see. Why did you come back here? Because you said you would get me on the Godzilla's back the other day. You are right. I wonder where he is now. You aren't with him all the time? No, he gets angry if I always stay with him. Why? He says I have to fight by myself. I have to learn to live alone. He is tough on you, isn't he? Yes. Over there. Let's go. They are fighting. Go for it! Go for it! Come on! Get back! Get back! Will Godzilla be okay under water? No problem. He is a hell of a fighter. Great! He won! Look, Godzilla is going over there. Let's go. Oh, it's Kumonga! Oh, no, Godzilla hurt his eye. Okay, it's my turn. Hurry back. Let's go back more. You are too young for that. Well, but even Godzilla couldn't do it at first. He is able to fire because he practiced a lot. Hey, look! It's awesome! No. Godzilla is down. All right. Yoo-hoo. He won, he won! He won, he won! Oh, no. What's wrong? It's Gabara. Wha... Wha... what should we do? Will you fight? We should run. But if I run every time, Godzilla thinks I am a coward. No, don't. Here I am. Go, Minilla! Go, Minilla! Go for it! Minilla, run! Run! You're right, I'd better run now. We're safe here. He is more powerful than the one I know. You think so? It's fighter jets! Yeah, humans are coming to invade this island again. Hurrah! Hurrah! Yoo-hoo! No, no, no, no. Okay. Minilla has to learn, too. Great, Minilla. Don't move. If you scream... Look at this. You will get this one. Go check the hallway. Put on your shoes. Ichiro. Hey, kid, what were you going to do with this? Leave him alone. Go find a car. Okay. Be quiet. All right? Quiet! Stop crying. Don't be a sissy. Even a boy can be scared. Be quiet. - Can I have a drink? - Sure. Hello. We meet again. Are you still working? It's hard work. Well, it's a wild goose chase. So, are you charging yourself up? It's depressing to go back empty-handed. We'll warm ourselves, and go around again. Mister, what does 50 million yen look like? Well, it would fill this bag. Wow! Damn, why is he taking so long to steal just one car? Bad man, fall! Bad man, fall! Bad man, fall! Bad man, fall! Bad man, fall! Bad man, fall! It's Minilla. Minilla. What? Minilla is in danger. Heck, we are the ones in danger. Minilla, Minilla, Minilla! Minilla, Minilla, Minilla. Minilla, get up! Don't let Gabara beat you! That's it! Oh, no... Minilla! Over here! Up here! Minilla, I have an idea. Hurry, hurry! When Gabara goes over by that tree, jump to this side. Can I beat him then? You will blow him away. Here he comes. Okay. Here I come. Now! You did it, baby! Godzilla, go. All right. He won. He won. Godzilla is really strong. Gabara the cripple. Gabara the cripple. No, I'm your friend. Stop it. Minilla. Help me. Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! You're having a nightmare, wake up. Hey, wake up! Oh. Wake up! Be quiet! It's me. Me. Idiot. Why were you taking so long? Don't blame me. It has a flat. I had to change the tire. I've never worked so hard. Where is the car? It's parked at the exit. - Your handkerchief! - What? Give me your handkerchief! Are you taking the kid? Kidnapping is a serious crime, you know. Not his legs; tie his hands. Right. I won't kill him. I know that killing doesn't pay. If he is alive, we are alive. You mean, he is our security? Stop talking and get moving. - Take the bag. - Yeah. You keep quiet. Understand? Hurry up! Be quiet. Hurry up! God damn it. What trash. Hurry up, won't you. Listen, stay quiet. All right? What's wrong? Ouch! Leave it to me. Hurry up and do something. He says I have to fight by myself. I have to learn to live alone. No. The kid. Don't move, kid! Ouch! Get off me! Get off! Wait! You brat. Be careful. Damn it! I can't stand it any more. Well, now he is trapped like a rat. You! Look in the room over there. Okay. Damn fool! Watch out, fool! You tripped over yourself. Don't blame me for that. Forget it. Go look over there. Yeah. Did you find him? Not yet. God damn it. Where did he go? He's nowhere. Stay and watch the entrance. I'll go look on the second floor again. Damn brat! What is it? He's on the third floor. Good. Hey, look over there. Hurry. I've seen this car somewhere. Where is it? Wait! This is my car! Why is my car here? Strange. What? What is this? This is not mine. Oh no, it's... thieves. No. I mean, in my car, a bunch of bills, yes, bills. It's really a knockout amount of money. Damn you! I won't let you get away anymore. Yoo! He's here. Ouch. Oh, it hurts. What happened? Where are you? I'm here. What? Where? I fell. Damn fool! Damn it. A leg? It's not broken. Where is the kid? Upstairs. Why didn't you say so first? Oh, kid. Stop! Stop! Ouch, it hurts! Stop! You brat! Damn you! You brat! Goddamn it! Damn it. Damn, stop it! God damn it! Stop! You brat! Here! This is it. That's the one. Mr. Shinpei. Oh, Ichiro. It's a boy! Ichiro! Mr. Shinpei. Mr. Shinpei. Watch out! Stay back. Don't move, or I will shoot you! Drop your knife! Drop it now! - Take them. - Yes, sir. Come out here. You can't escape from here. Come out now. I'm sorry. Come here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. All right. Let's go. Those two, did you fight them alone? Because... All right. It's all right now. Let's go home. I'm glad you're safe. We'll take you home. Thank you. I'm sorry. I won't work at night anymore, no matter what. But we'll be short of money, right? Well... Of course, I wish Mom and Dad would be home all the time. But I'll be okay by myself. I'm done. Good. I'm off to school. Bye. Be careful. Here he comes. He's coming. Give us a minute. Weren't you scared, being all alone? I wasn't alone. Not alone? Who was with you? Minilla. What? Minilla? Yes. I have to go now. Hey, wait! You should leave him alone. Minilla is a monster. Oh, that's the one. I can understand that. It's a belief. Belief? Yes. Yes. There is a God in the adult world, but children have their own God, Minilla the God. I see. You're right. Sachiko. Did you buy this month's comic? No. - I'll show you when I'm done. - Thanks. Hey, Ichiro, you want to join us? Nope. What did you say? I hate you, mean Gabara! Damn you! I hate bullies. Stop it. Stop it. Don't do it. Don't touch it. All right, baby. Woohoo, monster painter. Damn kids! Run, run, run. Damn it! You damn it! Wait! Daddy! Daddy! What's up, my son? Daddy, please apologize for me. What did you do? I did that. What? Damn you, wait. Whose kid are you? Wait! Oh, no. You did it! Thanks. You, wait! You brat! Stop! I'm sorry. That's my son. Your son? Hey, what's the matter? He did this to me. Look at this. It's paint. It won't come off. I'll pay to have it washed. Hey, Ichiro. What? The paint won't come off. I am very sorry. Mr. Painter, I'm sorry. END Now we'll do a good experiment. Let's make a flower. Make this one for me! Make this one for me! Good! Light it up. Do you like it? It's all wrong. Of course! She's thrashing around like a hippopotamus. Now we'll make her another one. He's sitting up on that poor thing. Oh dear, they've revealed her ass. Oh dear, Sebastian is looking, too... Poor child, poor innocent soul. Now Anna's getting up. What are you doing? He prepared the talcum powder. He inserts the bulb. But what is he doing? Your daughter Anna gouged out one of my eyes. They're inserting that stick into her, with her ass out. And even little Sebastian. All three are shut up in there. Hi, Mom, we did an experiment "on a living body." But he couldn't make the flower, not like in the drawing. She wiggled around like a hippopotamus. Look Mom, you know that the skin of the butt burns in no time at all? It's like paper. "Look at this ravaged land... "the wrecked homes... "these people living on the bare earth... "Santa Maria Belice is now a pile of rubble. "Here, where there were pretty peasants' cottages... "here, where there was the precious ancient church,... "today there's only debris. "The dead have been assembled and buried. "The injured are lying in hospitals. "Thanks to the efficient and prompt aid of our soldiers... "now we can say that the country has its peace restored. "It remains only to rebuild the destroyed houses... "to give back to each one a roof... "and our authorities have already set themselves in motion. "It is estimated that in a few months... "the country will be raised from its ruins. "New! With new schools, new houses, new hospitals, new churches... "But this very moment there's a sudden gathering... "from under the rubble was pulled out of the body of a donkey... "no, the corpse of a horse...in fact, it's a boy! "The boy had his leg severed at the knee. "A piece of bone is protruding from the mangled leg,... "and it's covered with earth and ants. "The boy has two hands clutching the stump of his leg... "and two nurses aren't able to pull them apart even though he's fainted. "From the center of the wound, the blood continues to flow copiously in spurts... "If they don't do something quickly, the boy will bleed to death. "A soldier flew to chase down some plasma. "Another soldier has gone to get a surgeon who lives in a two-hour drive from here. "Soon everything will be remedied. "There is already someone who has offered to buy a wooden leg for the little guy. "We are confident that we will soon see him walk as fast as before. "But here, the sky seems to glow. All the screams of pain cease. "Hear that noise? It is the helicopter carrying the minister. "All mouths open. All hearts beat faster. "All arms are raised festively. "Shining from the body of the helicopter,... "comes a man, a beacon of hope. "This man brings houses for everyone, food for everyone, blankets for everyone, and lots of medicine. "We want to approach him to ask him to say a few words. "Mr. Minister, what is your message for these poor victims? "'Over time everything works out, my friend... "'So tell them that we Italians have faith in time. "'It's our great savior.'" Lorenza, where are you going --- home? Again with the children? Lorenza! But this is crazy. There she goes, without saying anything. What about my shelves? Read a bit from this on! Car on fire, burned trees, and glass injuries to bystanders. A real battle involving hundreds of police and thousands of students. ~ Damn! ~ You know what? These students are beginning to overdo it. Soon they'll be burning even more cars. I'd like to see if they'd set fire to their bikes. Spoiled rich kids! If they dare touch mine... But you don't even have one! Don't be silly! You don't understand a damn thing ever! Meanwhile, I've already booked my 500 red Lambo. It's a matter of principle. Even if I had 4 cars and one of them a Rolls Royce, it would be the same thing. Property is sacred. ~ How many payments on the 500 red? ~ 51 payments of 18,000 lire each month. ~ Ah, that's not bad. ~ Not bad at all. It's a bargain! Give me your hand, give me your hand. A hot damp hand, Ma'am. You haven't yet heard my soul touched by pain. Hot and damp is a sign of the exuberance of a generous heart. But this hand also exudes a bit of sacrificed freedom... It holds fasts, prayers, penances, and devout exercises... because here inside there is a passionate, persuasive little devil, in continuous rebellion... A good hand, after all, loyal. You might as well say that this hand that has given you all my heart... A generous hand, and their hearts a sense... Now, Anna and I will put you in there. We'll close it up and we'll send you to the moon. You'll have the honor of being the first three-year-old to make a trip into space. Aren't you glad? The odds of success are only around 30%... The Italian government is deaf to the demands of science. But your sacrifice will be a triumph for the genius of Italy. I don't know how to moon. I don't is there. But you don't have to do anything, stupid. You just go in there. I'm not going in. Do not be afraid, you'll see many stars. Comets, you'll see Jupiter, you'll see Mars, Saturn, and Mercury. I don't Saturn. I no moon. I don't know how you'll get me in there. Ugly idiot, you've fattened up, you don't fit in. Now how do we get this done? I told you not to eat. His only thoughts are of eating. This shithead is a good for nothing. Let's put in Teodoro. Right, you're right! Come on, let's go grab him... The bad cat. Idiot, tired, glutton... You'll see, it'll be the triumph for Italian science. My helmet! Who took my helmet? Jupiter hides you. You go. YOU see Jupiter. YOU go. And Saturn, Mercury, and the comets. Ugly rampant pissing brat, shitter, disgusting incontinent, vicious, coprophiliac! Killers! Delinquents! Saboteurs! That's enough already! It was perfect. Years of research. Vile, immoral. Look at the cat. He's all burned but the tail still moves... It burns like the mountain that we saw on television. It gives off a good smell, like cabbage. I want a book for my child who's in bed with the mumps. Andersen's tales? No, no. She read it when he was three years old. It's almost new. ~ How old is he now? ~ Nine. Buy him "Treasure Island". He read that one when he was six. ~ "Alice in Wonderland"? ~ Oh no! The futurist book... No, no. "Around the World in 80 Days"? How trite! Well, why don't you have him read this? Let's see... "Marquis de Sade: Justine, or the misfortunes of virtue." ~ What's it about? ~ It's the story of an orphan girl. Ah! Like the two orphans. ~ Is it a tearjerker? ~ And how! ~ How much does it cost? ~ Two thousand lire. ~ Uh, then I'll take it. ~ Do you want us to wrap it? No, no, no. Thank you. ~ Good day. ~ Goodbye, Ma'am. Good. It's your help. She says you should hurry home since the children are making the usual mess. She says that... Back before one? Oh, don't worry. I'll take care of this. Take your time. On account of the poor help she is... Stop, thief! Stop, thief! Stop them! Call the police! Call the police, quickly! Stop them! We honor here tonight... the memory of one who has died... sacrificed for the triumph of science. Struck down by secular idiocy and brutality. Let's go. When I met you, you were a spoiled child. Can you tell me where they hid you so many years? At Sacred Heart? Taking your shower with your shirt on, I bet. What idiocy! I refused. I began to reject everything starting at age 6. I hate it when they tell me what to do. I know what to do myself. But you, you stay standing there, you don't react, you let them guide you. First you were tamed by your father. Then the monster of perfection that is your husband --- to watch him is to die from boredom. I'm his sister, but this does not prevent me from seeing him for what he is. I've never been in love with anyone. You should pick up your life like I do. Get a new babysitter and get rid of Berta, who's too incapable. And to hell with the bookstore. Then, what job should you take? Look at me, I spend all my money on travel and clothes. Make your husband give more alimony. I say this just for you. You know I love you. Your life is so boring. You see, Ms. Franti...the office is not a café. Try to understand. The office is not a bar, nor a station where you can come and go whenever you want. You know, dear Lorenza, how much we appreciate your cooperation. That I'm fond of you, that I have a lot of sympathy for you. But it's the precedent, the precedent that you set for your fellow workers. Do you understand me? These people are very different from you, another social class. And...just so ready to follow an example, to imitate you. Incidentally, it's not just up to me to decide. There is a board of directors whose opinion I must take into account. At elementary school...the state offers me a second class school... Five grades in a single classroom. That's one fifth of the school I was entitled to. The diploma is mild poster. No one dares say so, but they squeeze the juice,... if you're willing to attend the bosses' school, you must be a bootlicker at age 12. Compulsory schooling loses 462,000 a year to the street. At this point the only incompetent ones in school are those... that lose them and don't look back for them... and not us, who look for them in fields and factories and know them closely. We've rather kept tyranny here. It is a symbol that is imprinted on our eyes. From elementary up seems cut with an ax. Every cut is a creature that goes to work before they are equal. In Africa, Asia, Latin America, in the south, in the mountains, in the fields... even in large cities, millions of children waiting to be made equal. The best of humanity. Those who are to make new laws, are those to whom the old laws are fine. The only ones who have never experienced change inside themselves. The only ones who do not understand anything about politics. The representatives are college graduates at a rate of 77%... They should represent the voters. But voters are graduates at a rate of 1.8% Workers in the chamber of deputies, 8.4% Among voters they are 51%... The farmers are representatives at only 0.1%,... yet they are 28.8% among voters. These legislators use against the poor... the same systems of discrimination... which the American ruling class uses against the Negro. Stokely Carmichael was jailed 27 times. During the last trial he declared:... "There no white man I trust." A young man who had spent his whole life fighting for the cause of the Negro... shouted at him: "Isn't there even just one, Stokely?" He turned toward the audience, looked at his friend and said: "No, not even one.". This school for we rich kids, is paid for by the poor. A high school student costs 284,000 lire per year to the poor. His father pays only 9,800 in tuition... A university student costs 368,000 lire per year to the poor. His father pays only 44,000. See you tonight at 10:30... in front of the station waiting room at Casilina. Now go away... No, no, no. Don't play now, no, no, no. Now you have to eat your soup... see how good this soup, how very good... Up, up, eat, leave the hat alone, no no no, look... A bite to you, and a bite for me... How good you are... Bravo... but you're a total pig. Enough is enough with this filth. Little wild pig, Negro of the Amazon, vile communist, cannibal, African! No, no, no. My dear, cheer up. Little darling... Look, don't be so quick to anger. Sebastiano's still small, he has yet to learn. At his age, you did the same thing. I've never been like him. He's a parasite! What's a parasite? A parasite is a Negro, living on the shoulders of others. Like a parrot? You know you have beautiful hands? I hadn't ever noticed. Well, I never got my hands to look so well treated. Even if you work and I don't! Even so, your hands are healthier than mine. And then yesterday you didn't come to the Rossis? And you're not even coming tonight. No need for them to make a formal invitation. You're a curmudgeon. But why don't you spent some time outside in the world,... make yourself visible, have a little fun! ? You can't live in isolation. No one is self-sufficient, we all need others. Think of all the people who want to see you. All those friends of your husband, you might even get some profit out of it. And even with me...you don't trust me. I feel that you don't trust me. You know I love you. I love you a lot. "The American public is alarmed by the fact that since... "they have begun negotiations for peace in Vietnam... "the war has become more cruel and more lethal. "In just one week, 500 American soldiers were killed at the front at Hue." Just like at the end of the war in Korea. Those negotiations lasted two years. During those two years they did nothing but kill. Of course not! It's completely different. In Korea, America and Russia were confronting each other. Now, a small country dares to disrupt the balance of the superpowers. And then there's the novelty of the guerrilla warfare. It has shown itself to be invincible. Vietnam represents a dangerous example for other small countries in the world. Only de Gaulle understood this game. How much you know. So small and so informed. How do you know so much? Each citizen must take care not only of himself,... but also problems of concern all over the world. Ignorance is guilt. Couldn't we stay a little longer to watch television, Mom? The body of an average child needs nine hours of sleep per day. So shut up and obey! "Special envoy from Jerusalem. Venancio, are you there? ~ "Hello, Venanzio..." ~ "Yes, yes, I'm here. --- What should I do now?" "Here's Venancio, from the deserts of Sinai. "What a man, what a people. "All the world knows him and knows the patch that covers his eye. "His name is Moshe, and he's a general. He has only one eye. "But his intelligence has evidently doubled. "He is always able to answer. He does not evade any questions. "It's certain that Moshe Dayan is one of the outstanding figures of our time. "Even though the son of a small nation, he actually is one of the greats of history. "And many Italians, including some who were once anti-Semitic, now say: What a man! "But this now is not about the great Moshe, it's rather about the little Moshe,... "and about his courage that defies death, his values, and his faith in himself. "These people, who came from all corners of the earth like the sand in his desert... "defend it..." Lorenza. "and lives for it, and dies for it, if necessary." "This people is united. "The Italians of yesterday despised these people... "and tried to exterminate them... "Italians of today have tried..." Lorenza! "in all ways to repair the past... They have given and have paid... "But our true reparations, however, have only just begun. "And more specifically, the very instant that Mr. Rossi in Rome... "and Mr. Bianchi of Milan... "have said: By God, these Jews!" Silence in court! Speak, Public Prosecutor. Mr. President... Damn, damn... Gentlemen of the Jury. ~ The evidence is clear. ~ No, no, no! From how the accused behaved at the table... it is clear that he can only be a dangerous communist. And so... You, you, you communist... he should be punished. There can only be one sentence:... capital punishment. Asshole! Bitch! The defendant has no right to speak! Damn you, you communist, yes, you. Damn you. I'm not a communist. No, for heaven's sake let me out. I'm suffocating. Remember Santa Rita. Remember the Archangel Gabriel. Undress, bitch. You have to be naked and kneeling. Open up or I'll suffocate! Naked on the floor, crawling. Now, are you undressing or not? Enough, enough. Don't play this game over here, you hear? Let me out. Enough! If you don't strip right away, we'll gas you, turn you into soap. And we'll take a bath with that soap. No! No bath! Open the gas. No bath! OK. OK, I'll undress. But shut off the gas right away. First strip, and hurry. We have no time to lose. I'm naked. Shut off the gas. No. ~ Turn it off. ~ No. Naked! Naked, naked, naked! One moment, I'll summon her right away. Mrs. Lorenza, the telephone. Do you want something, Miss? Do you have the maxims of Mao Tse Tung in the original language? No. No, I'm sorry. But it should get here in a week. How is it possible you can't find in any bookstore? Last night we saw you. You just waited very little time. If you're still interested, come at 11, in front of the Aurora cinema... at Via dei Garibaldini # 15. Watch out, your children are becoming more and more criminal in their behavior. And that poor Berta, she can't hold them back anymore. They're only good when you're there. But you can't spend your life by their side. Why not put them in an academy? Where are you going? A date? I hope it's a handsome man. You could have told me about it. I might know his name, what does he do? Not all men are worthy of trust. You have to be careful. You... You're a fragile person. And who knows how many men had had an eye on you. But never mind my predicament, that's your business. But I'd like it if you would have a more confidence in me... and tell me who you see, what you do... What you're thinking. We don't believe in your existence. We don't believe in peace, and even less in representative democracy. In this time when the Communists want to coexist with the capitalists,... the servants with the owners, the pacifists with the advocates of war,... We believe in crashing down and in ideological terrorism. The current system relies on the concept of ownership. Our organization intends to void this concept. In each attack on property of any kind, for us this is a revolutionary act. At this time, given the ratio of strength... we must try to strike above all at U.S. capital. It was an accident. He was all purple and swollen like a balloon... He died in the water, drowned. My poor child, he was so beautiful! It's all my fault, I was distracted! The revolution is not a sideshow for those who don't show up. The revolution is not a show. The bourgeoisie has no other pleasures... Slowly... other than to degrade all pleasures. The bourgeoisie has no other pleasure than to degrade all... Sorry, the General says to make less noise because he can't sleep. ~ Who? ~ The General. He has chronic diarrhea. He sits on the toilet all night. ~ And he begs for some compassion. ~ Where do he live? Downstairs. He doesn't eat sugar, because he has diabetes. Do you know what diabetes is? But we're not making any noise. Yet all night you hear a noise, a rattling... ~ But it's not us. ~ Like you're sharpening pencils. ~ Turn the factory into your own Vietnam. ~ It's a general who replies. I know him, the general is always behind the window spying on. ~ Imagination has taken over... ~ Spying on what? In all cases, no remorse... ~ He has chronic diarrhea. ~ Enlarge your mind... Contractions of glorious intestines. The revolution must cease to be for the elite... A patriotic defecation. Oh, forget about it. You should get some rest. You're pale. For the children,... not that I think you're a bad mother,... but it would be better if I handle them for the moment. You're like a child, you don't have authority over them. So you can relax a bit. You know, in the new home, we have two very large terraces. So they needn't feel the lack of a garden. And you, free of the kids, you know what you should do? Have a stay in the mountains or by the sea. "Because death can be proved to result from asphyxiation and drowning... "it's obviously not necessary that the whole body be immersed in water,... "just the head. "Which, as we all know,... "not infrequently happens, especially to drunk children,... "epileptics kids, kids stunned for various reasons, or spoiled ones who eat poorly." I'll talk to Giuseppe at the bookstore. The money I'll give you will remain unchanged, of course. I hope that will suffice, I've never figured out how you manage to spend so much money. Everything that I own I've invested in the pharmaceutical factory. And I named it after myself, Franti. Franti Sons, do you like it? Unfortunately it will take a good number of years to amortize. The children's shares I made payable to your name. "...who died with only their heads in puddles,... "tanks, and containers filled with water, they die by drowning. "In other cases the skin, especially of the face, is cyanotic, and then it turns blue." My treasure, give me that book. You, too, aunt, you deny science? Jesus called him. He isn't uncomfortable, in heaven you're comfortable, with Jesus and with all the angels. Now I'll fix you a nice chamomile, then go to bed... and if you want, I'll hold your hand all night long like I did with poor Sebastiano. I'll take care of Lorenza. You go to sleep, Berta. I don't think I'll be able to go to sleep. How could I? But if you need me, call me. I won't be sleeping. I will always be awake praying for that innocent soul. Please, Berta, bring me the lady's nightgown. Have you seen how calm and well-behaved they are tonight? They're two sensible kids... and they require an environment of stability and security. It's like I said. This house, regularity of schedules, tranquility, has transformed them. They feel safer now, so they don't need to grab attention anymore. Let's go. To bed, it's getting late. Do you know what time you should wake up tomorrow? Every morning the bourgeois press bribes us with a series of manipulated news... pretending to be objective. All these reviews which seem fair, are actually biased. The news is so manipulated... that we're forced to think according to the interests of the ruling class. They suggest false problems, false interests, false needs. They make you move when they want to move you. They excite you when they want you to get excited. They scare you when it suits them to have you be afraid. In conclusion, they numb us,... they prevent you from doing what they consider most dangerous... that is to say, to think for yourself. And yes, the damage is enormous. These machines are ready to be thrown away. Yes, I understand. The newspaper should go out. If you want to print it yourself by hand... Here everything's been stopped for the next two days. How about our industry manager? Are you happy with your job? Everything depends on how long you are willing to grant,... dear professor, and that's not much. Yours is a job that pays, eh? Eh, it's true that little is earned as a doctor, but you have some satisfaction. But you able to combine the two things. Profit and pleasure, medicine and industry...not bad! Do not mock me. You know I love my job, I wouldn't leave it for anything in the world. The factory, then...it's a factory, so to speak. In addition, Professor, it's better that these new drugs come from our hands,... instead of the usual well-known fraudulent traders. Don't you agree? Oh, great! You have done well. In life you have to do, do everything you can. Never limit yourself while you have the energy. We can die at any time. Aunt Eleonora, would you allow Anna to rise for a moment? But what good kids, polite, quiet... If you knew my grandchildren, what an earthquake...! It's all thanks to Aunt Eleonora , since she's so good to us. Not really. I just do what I feel. "Come, come to bed. "It's getting late. "Do you know what time you have to wake up tomorrow?" ~ "Come on..." ~ "No, no... "But...what's up with you?" "It's been three days since we did it." "I haven't taken the pill." "Go get it." "I couldn't find it. "I don't know, I should go look for it." "Never mind. "Come here, come on!" "No, you've got cold hands." "Don't be so picky. "Do you feel like it now?" Come on, strong man. Take it. You go on that side, I'll stay here. But should it always be me who they commit to do these stupid things? If you don't bring these to them on a silver platter, no way they'll want the revolution. Come on, you idiot. Do not you know it's important? Mariano says that bringing flyers is as important as planting a bomb. Ah, yes. Imagine. Damn flyers. Bah! I have already brought these flyers twice to these stupid guys. Where are you going with those pants? Come a little here, come with me. We'll take a bike ride. Oh, boy, why don't you go to work here,... instead of wasting time with this nonsense? Why don't you come inside to do eight hours of labor, instead of walking around with flyers? I save political discussions for the party house. Oh, why do I waste time with idiots like you,... who make themselves fools by the party for twenty years? You imbecile, I'm not even going to grace this with a discussion. No, no, no --- I can't, I can't, I can't! Calm down, calm down. This will settle out, it's just the first few days. Then things will change for sure. Maybe it's even our fault. No doubt his head is like yours, his eyes like yours. Inevitably, since we are father and son. However, he's different. He has a face and two eyes... He resembles you, but he's different. ~ He has something...something... ~ But what? Maybe it's that helmet... it's that helmet that makes me nervous. Those eyes there, under the helmet. They're not like yours anymore. Two eyes like mine? Can you tell us how they are so different? That helmet drives me nuts. Those two are wild. Do the phone! Aunt Leonora is wanted on the phone. Leonora for the phone. From Turin, Milan, Paris, London, America. Come to the phone! I am sorry, aunt can't come anymore. Please, don't, I beg you. Not that I'm angry with them. Of course, I fully understand that they are children. But I don't want to see them anymore. Understood? Please send them away. Send them! ~ But... ~ Dad, you shouldn't worry about us. Pain leads to alteration of the psyche. A person who is between the pincers of pain can't be held responsible for what she says. We understand all this. And this won't change our emotional attitude towards her. Send them! Send them! Far away! We returned to be with you. They wanted to separate us but we've come back. ~ Eleonora has been evil with us. ~ Very bad. And Dad didn't want to defend us. He wouldn't take our part,... against this woman who wanted to crush our personalities. He preferred her to us. How pretty you are. You're beautiful. ~ You must be alone with me. ~ And me. Knock it off! Get some water... I'm coming now... Give me the sponge. No, I'll keep the sponge. No, I want it. And I won't give it to you. No, not in the mouth. Keep still. Go on, you're hurting me. A blow to the head. Come on, stop. A blow to the eye. Let's scrub Mom. Don't touch me, I don't need you to take me out. I can get out by myself. I'm not like Sebastiano, who just needed a shove to go to the bottom,... and then just have a hand on him to drown him immediately. Yes, but he was delirious. He wetted my pajamas all over. ~ Why are you getting out, Mom? Keep playing with us. ~ Yes, yes, let's play. Why do all of you stand still there like morons watching this stuff, eh? Do you want the objects seen in this film? Do you want... Do you want America? Go. Get out. Go look for it. The windows are to be broken with a hammer. But is it possible you didn't understand? And these films are like television programs... making you grow more idiotic and speaking dirty. Even here in the dark, you go on serving a handful of masters,... even to go to see films like this. First thing to do is leave cinemas,... and theaters, throwing the TVs out the windows. Say no, no, no to everything. So maybe someone will start to take it seriously. Good, bravo. ~ Wait, wait, listen... ~ Let's get our money back! ~ Stop! ~ Idiot! The society in which you live is not made for you, but against you. Come here if you dare. Clown! Land to the peasants! Come a little closer so I can break your face! To the farmers. My glasses! Come on, Nando, I'm scared. Nando! It's useless to stare at her. She's dead. She didn't suffer. The gas has already been shut off. Berta's bad, but not dead. "Because with carbon monoxide... "hemoglobin unfortunately has... "a chemical affinity some twenty times greater than with oxygen,... "so it prefers to join with the first rather than the second. "Blood from the body shows, because of carboxyhemoglobin presence... "a vivid bright red. "The skin retains a beautiful pink color, even for many hours after death. "Thus it doesn't resemble an external suffocation, such as drowning, hanging, or strangulation,... "but rather internal." "How to build a firebomb. "An incendiary bomb can be made with any bottle,... "an improvised wick with a rag, and gasoline. "All these things are readily available everywhere, even in a small town. "To make one, the bottle is filled with gas, then we introduce a piece of cloth,... "no matter what size, which reaches the bottom,... "leaving a piece out of the neck to light as a fuse. "Cover the bottle with a cork, paper, or cloth, or don't cover it, it doesn't matter. "You put fire to the wick while flinging the bottle towards the target... "with the breaking bottle showering gas all over the place... "and it'll ignite upon contact with the wick." ~ Hide everything. ~ Out, out, out. Out. The General! I want to talk with the owner of the apartment. I want to talk to the tenant! I want to know why you spend the night constantly moving furniture from one room to another. What furniture? I am very sick and my body does not work. And it's all your fault, criminals! And I swear that I'll report you! Attention! Present arms! Forward...march! One, two, one, two... Guys, you're marching worse than the General! Behave yourselves! 1, 2, 1, 2. Eyes front! Quickly! By the right flank! Forward...march! By the right flank! Forward,...march! 1, 2, 1, 2, 1... Turn off the light! 1, 2, 1, 2. Turn off the light! No, turn it off! 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2... Rodolfo. Rodolfo! RODOLFOOO! ~ Yes, sir, General. ~ Bring a chair. Right away, General. ~ Check my lice. ~ Yes, sir, sir. Analyzing the situation and the meaning of "general" is a difficult and arduous task. First, you should not generalize the generals. Every general must be seen in particular. Every situation has its own general. The function of a general is not so generic, let alone generalizable. In Spain, Portugal, the generals have a function not generalizable, called... power. While in France there is only one General who has made a general of everything and everyone,... Greece deserves a mention, where power rests with the colonels,... and the generals are usually relegated to formal and archaeological functions. So, dear viewers in general, have faith in generals,... ~ because they make your interests come... Oh! ~ Sorry. But beware, they could be using a star. Because if not, they are wrecked generals, or they lead the revolution. ~ Rodolfo! ~ Yes, General.. Who lives upstairs? A herd of pigs, Mr. General. I, Franti, Massimo, son of Andrea and Lorenza Garrone, age 9,... denounce the above-named Lorenza Garrone for infanticide. The above-named Garrone Lorenza... has eliminated the first child aged 3 by drowning him in the bathtub,... and a 7 year old daughter by gassing her. The first infanticide, I can testify, dear commissioner, was not bad. That son had turned against science. The second victim shows, though, the destructive behavior of this improper mother. You, Commissioner, most likely have children,... and can therefore understand my state and the seriousness of the situation... and surely the speaker is only still alive thanks to a fortuitous event. It happened that I was in possession of a gas mask of my own invention, model 5600. I can assure you that this mask is truly optimal... and would be most useful to the police. In fact, if you want, we can combine a purchase to... Relax, Mom, it's just some material I want to discard. but I'd never hand it over to the police,... while you are kind to me and love me. ¤ Man, today is your birthday and your wife is ready for love. ¤ Your son Piero, is protesting in the streets about Vietnam, but he's far away. ¤ Do think and laugh and then move your head, and chase the warm breast with your hand. ¤ Man, today is Monday. How hot was the breast in your hand! ¤ Buy the newspaper, yesterday four blacks were massacred in the United States. ¤ But what do you care? Read the results: if Milan wins, then we're happy. ¤ Tell me, how you doing, man? You answer that things aren't going bad for you. ¤ Well, friend, Happy New Year, happy holidays, and Merry Christmas. ¤ Man, today is Tuesday. How hot was the breast in your hand! ¤ Your son Piero's returning from school, how did he made it through? Bah, all normal. ¤ Dad, have you read about the massacres in Angola? I work, you take care to study. ¤ Man, today is Wednesday. How hot was the breast in your hand! ¤ and tired you run home like the wind and the radio is on about Agrigento. ¤ Destroyed roads, dead, and homeless. You turn off the radio, you turn it off, and you run to bed. ¤ Tell me, how you doing, man? You answer that things aren't going bad for you. ¤ Well, friend, happy New Year and happy holidays, and Merry Christmas. ¤ Man, today is Thursday. How hot was the breast in your hand! ¤ Your street is full of workers. Today we fight, and long live the union. ¤ We shout at you for a crust, and you couldn't care less! You're employed. ¤ Man, today is Friday. How hot was the breast in your hand! ¤ In your pocket, you have your salary from your boss. You're loyal to him, and don't strike. ¤ And you're good, and you send a nice sweater to a Florentine flood victim. ¤ Tell me, how you doing, man? You answer that things aren't going bad for you. ¤ Well, friend, happy New Year and happy holidays, and Merry Christmas. ¤ Man, today is Saturday evening. How hot was the breast in your hand! ¤ This morning you worked four hours until lunch. Peace and family. ¤ Night falls, on TV the first channel. "Turn it on, Piero, the news is on." ¤ Man, it's still my birthday and my wife still asks for love. ¤ My son Piero, still protesting Vietnam, still far away. ¤ I laugh again, and then shake my head and chase again the breast with his hand. ¤ Tell me, how you doing, man? I answer myself that things aren't going bad for me. ¤ So begins this New Year for us which is always a beautiful carnival. ¤ You, Mom, haven't said anything, so you're my accomplice. Silence indicates consent. After all, you have profited on all these things that happened. Now you're free. You have your Magda, who is your love, but you can't have all the profits for free. If you do not want me to go tell the police... it was you who killed your children... you must help me kill Magda, because Magda is corrupting you. She's a freak. I don't want you to become like her,... degenerate and communist. But we'll talk again. We'll have time to talk about everything. We'll kill Magda. Then we'll kill Dad --- if we have to. Well, now I'm going back to work. This time the rocket will take off. It will be a triumph. The triumph of Italian science! Andrea told me to tell you that he's too sad to come here today. He says he understands you, he doesn't want to bother you in your pain. He said that all this is a consequence of a failure of both of you. He said that at this point there's nothing left to do,... but whatever you need, you speak to him. He'll do anything to make you happy,... and he feels he's like a friend and brother of yours. But you don't need him. I'm here for you. You ought to come to my place, pack up your bags. There's a house waiting for you. Ah, Mrs. Franti, I was just looking for you. If you have a moment, I should speak with you. I do not know whether the administration has spoken about the conditions in the bookstore. But...unfortunately we are losing customers, and sales decline daily. I know you have much to do, for us you have been a valuable contributor. I haven't made a decision yet, but would like to meditate for a while. ~ They've arrested Mariano. ~ They caught him carrying the material... In the trunk of the stolen car. As far as I'm concerned, however, the group should continue, with or without Mariano. The important thing now is to move house. To go on, to stop, have we lost our minds? The first difficulty we meet, everything blows up in our faces. Stopping means surrender, and I won't give up. What have we been doing up until now? The idiots! Calm down, think, you run around in circles, and don't ever stop to think. Use your head! Mariano's arrest isn't just the arrest of Mariano,... this is a bad time for everyone. They're arresting a lot of people in factories, in college. Do you know that, yes or no? Well, at this point we should ask ourselves whether to... continue risking annihilation, or whether to change tactics. ~ What? ~ Moving from one covert action... of mere destruction to a more articulated political action. But then, everything we've done so far is useless? ~ Useless how? ~ Useless why? I'm not making a balance of the past... but...seeking to understand what we can do from now on. Why can't we run in elections, even if they laugh at us? But what elections are about? And the anti-school? If we go on with the attacks... we can't continue with school because they'll put us all in jail. Now, we've had good enough the school results so that we will advance. But where is this damn woman? ~ Who? ~ Lorenza. I don't know, I'll go see. No, Carlo is right. We'll think it through, get the right spin. If we don't continue now, then we'll lose all our forward momentum. She's trying to make a bomb, the lady. Let's hurry and move to a new safe house. Fast! Here we risk being nabbed by the police. I'm going to talk to her. Damn, what are you doing? Come here, come on. Now's not the time, some want to leave. You have to talk, so talk. Come on, let's move. Only four, not five. Take the potassium, we'll make another. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,... ~ What are you doing? ~ 11,... ~ Now you see it? ~ 12. How do you talk seriously with these exalted folks? For them it's just a matter of bombs. Just because we must continue our work. Oh, listen, we said what we thought. Now let's go. Go ahead. You're right, let's clear this house. Let's go. 2, 3, and 4. Let them head off. Sure, for what it's worth, right? If they plan to fix things differently, let them be the ones to do it. But I don't believe it. Tonight, the two of us alone will blow up another factory. - Hi, honey. - Hi! How's everything? Everything is hungry. What's for dinner? Your favourite. Irish stew. Great. Where's Tabitha? Your mother brought her some modeling clay this afternoon. She's upstairs testing her creativity. I'll go take a look. Hi, little octo-fish. Your name is going to be Cynthia. Hi, Tabitha. Hi, Daddy. I'm playing with my clay. I think that's wonderful. Where did that come from? Cynthia came from my clay. How did Cynthia come from your clay? I looked at the toys on my shelf and I took clay and I went like this. Hi, Country Cousin. Say hello to Cynthia Octo-fish. Samantha! You're a good yeller, Daddy. Samantha! Samantha. Sam? Sam. Tabitha is upstairs... Don't tell me. Let me guess. - Tabitha is doing what comes naturally. - Let me put it this way. If Ed Sullivan ever caught our daughter's act, he'd book her forever. Well, sweetheart, you can't really blame her. I mean, after all, she is a... I'm well aware of what she is. But the fact remains, she's got to be taught to do things in the mortal way. You're right, sweetheart. If she knew how to use her hands she wouldn't be tempted to use witchcraft. I agree, sweetheart. That's how I feel about it, and I want something to be done. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll learn how to sculpt and then I can teach Tabitha the mortal way. That's a good idea, Sam. Darrin, what are you doing? Eating a daisy. Shall I mention that that's just a teeny bit ridiculous? I admit it's ridiculous, but I can't help myself. I think I'd better follow the bouncing ball. "I've heard enough about the clay and Durwood pushing the mortal way. I'll be watching as he grows wide with flowers piling up inside. Love, Mother." Now, that's what I call a meddling mother-in-law. Mother, you come here right away and de-spell Darrin. Your joke is in very poor taste. No pun intended. Mother! You come here this instant! Well, well, well. It looks like Durwood is rehearsing to be a snail. Well, well, well. It's the queen of the sick jokes. Darrin. Mother, I know how you feel. But don't you think you've gone a little bit too far? Not at all. I could have given him an appetite for rubber ducks. She does have a point, Darrin. I'd give you an argument if I weren't dying for a bouquet of zinnias. What's-his-name is forcing my granddaughter to use her hands when she has the world at her nose. I won't abide that, Samantha. De-spell him, Mother. Very well. Samantha, your sense of values is becoming extremely polluted. - And don't come back! - Careful, sweetheart. How about some Irish stew? No, thanks, honey. Your mother, the wicked witch, has spoiled my appetite. - Yes? - Mr. Waldon R. Campbell is here, sir. Oh, send him in. Send him in. - Mr. Campbell, good to see you. - Oh, yes. Stephens. Stephens. Tate, nice-looking receptionist you got out there. I like the way her chips are stacked. If you fellas are anything like me, you'll wanna get down to business. - Right? - Fine. We thought we'd start with these layouts. Medicine. Keeps the blood thin and running nicely through the veins. Like my old Uncle Clyde used to say, never discuss business before lunch. Well, we do have a standing 12:30 reservation at the Golden Spoon. Well, meantime, no sense letting the old blood thicken up on us, huh? Thank you. - Cheers. - Cheers. Needs a little something. Oh, yes! "Don't be timid. Push it. Work with it. Get to know your clay." Hi, clay. I'm supposed to get to know you. Samantha! What are you doing? I'm sculpting, mortal-style. Oh, how repulsive. That's like Picasso painting with his feet. It's going to be a bust of Darrin. A bust of Durwood? He's already a bust. Mother, you're a laugh riot. All right, gentlemen, let's get down to business, huh? Now, Campbell Sporting Goods is very much in need of an image change and I think that McMann Tate is just the firm that can do it. Now, let's hear it. How do you think you can help my company's public image? Mr. Campaign, our campbell. Don't we think somebody ought to order lunch? Good idea. Let's run it up the flagpole and see if anybody salutes. You guys have already had 10 or 12 olives. That's enough lunch for anybody. Let's get down to business, huh? I want to hear the entire campaign concept. - Now, how does it go? - I'm not sure. Larry, sing a few bars. Boy, 10 or 12 martinis and you guys are wiped out. What has happened to the men of America? I think we're going downhill. I think it's too late for lunch. We'd better get back to the office. Right. Right. Good thinking. Okay, okay. Go ahead. Now, look, it's 4:00. I'll meet you back here at 6:00 for cocktails. I'll be right here. Cocktails? Why don't we make it dinner? At Darrin's place. - At my place? - That's very gracious of you, Darrin. Sam? - Hi, sweetheart. - Hi! Did I call you about dinner tonight? - No. - I didn't think so. Well, I should have, because Larry and a very important client are coming to dinner tonight. I couldn't get out of it. Your eyes are pink. Make that red. Honey, I had a very liquid afternoon with Mr. W.R. Campbell. He's the first 90-proof client we've ever had. Honey, do you mind pulling together dinner for two more? I have an hour or so, so I can manage. As long as you're slightly anesthetized this may be a good time to show you my artwork. Boy, I really need a nap. Yes. Well, come on. There. Nice. It's got a lot of texture! Know who it is? It's... It's you. That's me? Well, it's sort of an impressionistic work. Sort of. - You hate it. - Well... Don't let it bother you, Samantha. He would know a Rodin from a hot rock. Speaking of rocks, how's chances of you climbing back under yours? How would you like to be a carrot growing in a field of rabbits? Darrin, now, please. Stop it, both of you. What can you expect from a crotchety old bat who learned to read from the Dead Sea Scrolls? Talk about my age, will he? One of these days, Samantha you're going to find yourself married to a 170-pound warthog. Now, Mother, he didn't really mean it. He's just tired. He's tired, all right. You'll excuse me. I have to get started on dinner. Be good. Sam! - Sam! - I'm coming, sweetheart. What is it, Darrin? Oh, my stars! No! Oh, your mother! It seems there's been a sudden improvement here. Well, you know what a perfectionist Mother is. That's not the word I have for her. - I'm getting rid of this. - Out! You clown! That's all we need around here tonight. A talking statue. I hate to tell you this, but your mother is not only a witch she's warped! How utterly, utterly charming of you. Endora, may I make a respectful request? Butt out. Darrin. Mother, this happens to be a very important evening for Darrin, you see, and... I couldn't care less about the importance. Samantha, dear, is that coq au vin I smell? Yes, as a matter of fact, it is. How thoughtful of you to prepare my favourite dish. When do we dine? We eat at 7:30! You take your broom to a drive-in or something. You're not invited. That's all right, Samantha. If this is the way Durwood thinks a mother-in-law should be treated he's in for a very interesting evening. That must be Larry. Let's not torture ourselves with a lot of good-byes, shall we, Endora? Very well. Boy, am I asking for it. I think this is just the beginning of a very long evening. Stay with me. Come on. Oh, boy, what a headache! It's good Louise wasn't home to see me pass out under the coffee table. Darrin made it all the way upstairs. Oh. Oh, hi, Endora! Larry Tate. - It's always nice to see you, Endora. - Thank you. I didn't know your mother-in-law was going to join us. Neither did I. Mother just pops in from time to time. Yes, I'm supposed to be in Paris in 20 minutes. But it's going to be a little difficult fighting those headwinds. Now, there's a sense of humour. Darrin, that's a fantastic likeness of you. Oh, it isn't that good. You mean, you did this, Sam? Samantha just started sculpting this morning. You mean you finished this in one day? If she wanted to, she could whip one up just like that. - How about a drink? - Fine. Sam, when you get a moment, do you think you could do one of me? - Oh, I don't... - Of course she will. As a matter of fact, she might have a little surprise around here for you. I can't get over this. Where'd your mother go? Well I guess she went to Paris. I'll get that. I'll get you a drink, sweetheart. Sam, I had no idea you had so much talent. - I'm glad you made it, Mr. Campbell. - Yeah, thanks, thanks. Mr. Campbell. Mr. Campbell, this is my wife, Samantha. How do you do? I'm sorry I'm a little late. I had to attend a ribbon-cutting ceremony. - Friend of mine opened a bar. - Well, then I don't suppose you'd care for a drink, Mr. Campbell. Oh, that's right, Mrs. Stephens. Three or four, yes. One? Never. - I'll get it. - Them. You can put them all in one glass, all four. Right. Well! Why don't we all go and sit down to dinner? Oh, before we do, I want Mr. Campbell to see this. Samantha did this bust of Darrin in one day. Now, that's a chrome-plated gas. Where's the boy with the sauce? Usually after a night at the Rose And Crown. I see. Mr Hubbard wondered if I might show you the properties instead. I'd be pleased to have so knowledgeable a guide. I'll just get my shawl. Well, it's prime land. There's a lot of profit in building houses on it. But more value as a working farm, surely? Spoken like a true Lakes woman, Miss Potter. Indeed, Mr Heelis. You do realise I've never been to an auction. It's simple enough. Don't bid too early and stick to your limit. I know my limit, Mr Heelis. Craven's Mill Farm, 40 acres of splendour. £ 1,100 anywhere? £ 1,100 I'm bid. £ 1,150? Come along, gentlemen. Splendid little farm, this. Lots of development potential. £ 1,150. £ 1,200 anywhere? £ 1,200. £ 1,300 anywhere? Bidding, madam? £ 1,300. Seated at £ 1,300. £ 1,400. £ 1,500. £ 1,600. Seven hundred. Eight hundred. £ 1,900. At £ 1,900. £ 2,000 at the back. £ 2,000 Any more at £ 2,000. £ 2,300. - Rich Bastard! - Thank you, sir. £ 2,300. At £ 2,300. Any more, then, at £ 2,300? £ 2,500. The lady at £ 2,500. Against you, sir, at £ 2,500. £ 2,800. Miss Potter, you've bid more than that farm is worth. £3,000, at £3,000 seated, with the lady. Against you, sir. Are we all done at £3,000? Going once, Going twice, Sold to the lady, £3,000. Sir, you should control your client. She has allowed her emotions to get the better of her. Really? She has squandered any possibility of profit from that farm. It was prime development land. This place, this community is an inspiration. It should be conserved for future generations, and not destroyed. It deserves protection. Madam, your observations are woefully inadequate... Please, sir. I am no longer in the habit of being lectured to, and, thankfully, I do not require your approval or anyone else's. So, if you'll excuse us? Mr Heelis? I hope you're not going to make a habit of this, Miss Potter. Do you know, Mr Heelis, I think I might. Now, will you have time tomorrow to show me those other farms? - I certainly will. - Excellent! Come in. Oh, my! Goodness me! I'll be just a moment. Now then young man, how are you taking to your new home? I know it's not London, but Hill Top might suit a young rabbit better. He seems to be taking to the place. As am I, Mr Heelis. - Now, the road. - Oh, yes. Yes, of course, Miss Potter. How would you feel about calling me William instead of this infernal Mr Heelis? I sound like an undertaker. Of course, William. And I believe Beatrix might be perfectly appropriate as well. There's something delicious about writing the first few words of a story. You can never quite tell where they're take you. Mine took me here. Where I belong. You're right scrummy when you're angry. You're like the thinking man's Christopher Biggins. Shut it, Kojak! You're trying to wind me up, and I'm not having it, Brian. Yeah, but you see, something erogenous may have unfolded. -You know, I can't remember it either. -No. No, it didn't. Look, it don't matter how pissed I was last night, there's no way I'd let meself get so out of it that I'd end up playing postman and letterbox with you. -It's the booze. Our minds must've blanked it out. -Oi. Just 'cause I can't remember it, it don't mean it definitely happened. You will never know... You'll never know anything ever again if I jam this Q-tip in your skull! Hey, these sheets need a good wash and all. Well, they didn't. Not before you went rolling your big, gay body all over 'em. -TROY: Should've knocked, should I? -Hi, hi. It's not what it looks like, our kid, so don't go getting any funny ideas. -How do you know what it looks like? -It looks like... -Forget what it looks like. It just isn't. - Denial. It isn't. You don't have to worry about me, bro. I'm not anti-bender. Right, that's it. You're moving out of that spare room this afternoon. -Oh, is the spare room going? Can I have a peep? -No. 'Cause our Troy's moving back in, aren't you? Cheers, bro. Keep living the dream. I got some part-baked croissants in my bag. Shall I stick 'em in the stove -and pop the kettle on? -Ooh, yeah. -Now, can I top up your coffee? -Ooh, ta. -It never ends. -Hey, you're all right. I'll get it. Ta, Nicki. Good morning. This is Mr Rupani. I am ringing to remind you that I am coming to check the inventory this afternoon. You're what? What you gobbing on about, you? As you know, it is my right to inspect the flat. Yeah, all right. Hang on. It's your landlord. Mr Rupani! Everything all right with the rent? DSS haven't stopped it again, have they? Lazy buggers. Who am I talking to, please? -It's me, Moz, your tenant. -Ah, Mr Moz. Who was that other chap? That's just... me cleaner. Ah, good. Because I am coming to visit you this afternoon. I'm not sure I'm gonna be free this afternoon. I've got a spare window tomorrow afternoon. -What is wrong with your windows? -Nothing. The windows are fine. -I'm just saying... -I will call at 5:00 pm this afternoon. Do you understand, Mr. Moz? -Look forward to seeing you, yeah. -We can check the inventory. -Make sure everything is ship-shape. -Ship-shape. You ever seen the Titanic? Mr Rupani's coming at 5:00. It's just after 1:00 now, so that's loads of time. Oh for God's sake, Mrs. Coneybear, get a rest, will you? -Can you stick around, Brian, and help us out? -Oh, I give and I give and I give. Oh please Bri. Help me tidy up. I bet you're brilliant at it. -Nobody does pernickety like a gay man. -Well, funny you should say that, because aside from the latex dancing, that's me main source of income at the mo. -I'm an erotic home help. -Erotic home help? It's a basically nude tidying-up for the frail. Good money. Picked up some nice knick-knacks. Please, Brian, give me the benefit of your neatness, but keep your clothes on. I don't normally do consultancy work. - Ah, go on, man. -Right! I'll get some bin liners, some washing up liquid, and some big dusters. -While I'm out, you make a start here. - You betcha! Oh, Sagittarius. Yeah, Wu-Tang, need a pill for a thrill, rub some Vicks on your back. Get dehydrated, have a fucking heart attack! 1993, flashback, in the house! Oi, Oi, Oi! Oi! -Crazy Frog, turn that off! -Yo, bro, I rock the mike like a vandal. -You don't rap, you're bald. -I rock the mike like a fucking vandal! -I rock the mike... -Like a vandal. Yeah, we know. The landlord's coming, we're on our toes, so get this place tidied up. I tidy me room like a vandal! Get on with it or I'll put you on an ASBO! You slam the door like a vandal. -Oh, hi, hi. -All right, Rubber Ducky? -Is Morris in? -No, he's out foraging for dusters. Perhaps you can help us, then. Oh, I like you, you're forceful. Hi. -Is our Craig here? -No. PSYCHO PAUL: We got 210 pairs of trainers, right. Ooh, luxury. But we need someone to look after them for a few hours. STEVE: Craig's me twin brother. He looks just like us. This is a photo of him. Ooh, them's nice. -We'll be back to pick them up about 4:00. -BRIAN: Yeah, whatever. I love trainers, me. I never go back to shoes, I couldn't. If you went for a funeral, you'd have to wear shoes then. No way. For funerals, I got some black Nikes with sequins all over 'em. -Sequins? For a funeral? -Well, it's a special occasion, innit? See, them's not bad either. Mind, I'm looking for something with a fatter lace. PSYCHO PAUL: Ta-ra, cock. Ooh, look at them. Brian, have you been possessed by Imelda Marcos or summat? Cartoon Head and his mates are storing them here, but they're gonna be back to pick 'em up by 4:00. Must be two hundred pairs of trainers here. -Ooh, good guess, it's 210. -Brian, we're trying to tidy up! I'm renting a flat, not running a shoe shop! These are too small! Do you have them in size 5? No, the only ones we got in a 5 are beige. I do not wear beige. Beige is no good. Today you have many, many trainers. Yeah, 210 pairs. Aren't we lucky? -Do you have any boots for me to try? -I'll fetch you a good boot in a minute. Are you sure you're a 5? All right, let's have a look. Cartoon Head, it's Moz. Listen, I need you to come and get all these trainers now. Whoa, whoa, fella, if I can get a word in edgeways! I don't care what Hot Chocolate said. -It's my house! -Snoop Doggy Dogg got shot over a pair of these. -These laces are too thin. I like mine to be wider, like when you see a girl's finger. -Yeah, well, you can change the laces, can't you? -Oh, you have selection of laces? (GROANING) Yeah, in a minute. First of all, you want to use this flat as your safe house for your kidnapping. Now you're turning it into a branch of Clarks! Look, how soon can you get here? Burnley? What are you doing in Burnley? I hope you've had your jabs. No, you're gonna come and collect the trainers. No! Not at 4:00! Now! Hello! Cartoon Head! You mouse-faced bastard! Goodbye, Moz. I'll go now. Let me know when summer stock comes in. I want new sandals. You cleaning door? -Sorry? -You cleaning door? Oh, yes. I'm cleaning my new door. Well, un, it's not a new door. Although I've just moved in, so it's new to me. -Door was dirty? -Well, yes. A bit dirty, I suppose. - Door look very clean now. - Yes. I've, um, I've sorted it out, so... But the hand is very dirty. Oh, um, yes. This wipe clean hand and moisturise hand. Thanks. -Hand look very clean now. -Yes, thanks. Ah, bucket is very dirty. What? Oh, it's only, erm... Sorry. Brian, if you've quite finished playing shops! -What you do reckon on them? -Lovely. A hundred notes. I don't wanna buy 'em I just wanna try 'em all on. -What's the point if you're not buying 'em? -I'm browsing. -You know nowt about shopping, you. -No time for gay school. Get them boxed and packed away. Now! Oh, I were gonna try these on. Come on! Get a move on! Don't make me pop a cap in your arse. See, I'm thinking about these... Come on! It's teamwork. It's a chain, it's a chain gang. Come on, work on it. MOZ: Just carry on with them! -Oh, hi. -All right? -Yeah. You? -Middling. I'm just heading to the cornershop. Do you need any semi-skimmed milk? That's the sort I'm getting. I can get you a different sort of milk, or anything. No, ta. Thanks, I'm good. But there is something you could do for us. -A sort of neighbourly gesture. -Oh, sure. What? Could you hide 210 trainers in your flat? What? Well, actually, it's 420 trainers, but they're in pairs. Could you hide'em for us? -Are they stolen? -No. God, no. Sorry, not hide, stash. Not stash, keep. Not keep. It's only for an hour. Put. Could you put them in your flat for an hour? Please? Oh, I don't know. It sounds a bit dodgy. Yeah, suppose it does a bit. They're not mine. I got a mate. He's trainer-mad. I said I'd look after his collection, but the landlord's coming around. And he's not gonna believe a mad story like that. No. He's not. He's a bit suspicious, isn't he? Suspicious? He's like a paranoid Quincy. And my place looks like a bomb's gone off in Foot Locker. So, could you help us out? Please? Alright. Suppose so. But just for an hour, sorry. Thanks, Judith. Thanks. You're not gonna regret this. Thanks, Judith. You're a brick and a half. If there's any you fancy, just help yourself. I don't wear trainers. They make my feet look big. -Sorry. Right, well, I'll see you in an hour. -Almost certainly. -You're not going? -Yeah. Time minces on. Shit. You're telling me. He'll be here in an hour and an half! I thought you were gonna live out your Changing Rooms fantasy I gotta go. Supposed to be at Rushford Park, dusting in the buff. Stay here and tidy. It's way too cold to be taking your clothes off. You'll end up with goose bumps like udders. Soz, Moz, I don't wanna let him down. He's bed-bound. See ya. Yeah. Thanks for all your help, Brian. You're about as much use as freckles on a Goth! Come on, you tweenie, put your back into it! Soz. Have you still got the hump thing? Cleared up, 24-hour thing. -Hey, Flashdance, where'd you get the trainers? -I've always had these. No, you haven't, they've still got the tag on. Look, you carry on in here, and I'm gonna go in the kitchen, do some spic-and-spanning. Don't make it too good, mind, or he might put the rent up. -Dole pay the rent. -Oh, yeah, 'course. Right, then, knock yourself out. Big fan of your work. Kitchen's finished. Same here. Kim and Aggie would be proud. - Who? - Kim and Aggie. They're like Wombles for your house. Have you got a suit? What's wrong with bubblejacket? 'Course I've got a suit. It came with the flat. Put it on. Creates a good impression. Stops you looking like the Marshmallow Man. Phew! What you got your court appearance costume on for? -I thought you were Mr Rupani. -Do I look like an Asian businessman? He's coming round. It's been like a horrible nightmare. I had to clean the kitchen. I thought you looked pale, you poor lamb. -You coming in or what? -No. I've just been to the bank to dissolve our joint account. You need to sign this. You sorted out the utility bills, then? -What? -Gas, electric, phone bill. - So that I could take my name off. - Oh, yeah. I've made a start on it. Well? I rang the electric company. And? They were out. -You rang the electric company and they were out? -Yeah. Or maybe they moved. Moz, show some responsibility. You know what they say. Don't put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely. Right, I'll do it. Great. Well, before I get on, is there anything else I can do for you? Go fuck yourself. Yeah, well, if I could do that, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place! There's me ketamine. I look like a Reservoir Dogs balloon. Shit. -Mr Rupani. -Good afternoon, Mr Moz. Nice to see you. -You're wearing a suit. -Yeah, so are you. I was under the impression you were unemployed. Yeah, but you gotta keep a positive attitude. People see you wearing a suit on the outside and they assume you're wearing a suit on the inside. And? Are you? Well, I'm inside now, aren't I? -May I see the kitchen, please? -With pleasure. -This room is in a reasonable state of repair. -It's always like this. I'm Virgo, you see. -This toaster is very grubby, and it's broken. -That's my toaster. - It ain't on inventory. - Get it fixed please. - Course. - This flat is a two-person dwelling. -Where is your girlfriend? -She's round at her mate's at the moment. Nicki's not on the inventory, is she? -Now, that is a problem I do have. -Problem? What problem? In the last month or so, the pipes have started rattling. That's what pipes do. Should I get a plumber to have a look at 'em and he can sort the bill out with you? No no, there's no problem there. -It gets a bit loud! -What? The pipes, they get a bit loud! Pipes rattle, Mr Moz. That is what pipes do. It's nature's way. Show me the pipe that doesn't rattle. - Well I can't! - Why? There. This room also seems to be in an adequate state of repair. I was just saying exactly that before. 10 Steps to Perfect Fatherhood. Are you thinking of starting a family? Children are not allowed. No, no. It's a present for... me dad. -What is the cause of that stain? -What? This stain. Coming out of the paint. Damp? -Does not feel damp. -It might be dry damp. -Dry damp? -Might be. -Paint over it, please. -I've tried, but it keeps coming back. We'll ignore that, shall we? No, I do not wish to prevent you opening your own front door. -I'll leave it. -It is your right. -I cannot stop you opening your door. -I'm not bothered. Open your door. Exercise your right. -Colin... -All right, Moz. Look at you! Well smart, eh? You a coke dealer now, then, as well as a hash dealer? - Shut up. - Hey, do you wanna buy any antique doubloons? -No. No. -Got any skunk? I'm on probation. - Shut it! - You see, it was one of your friends. You were right to answer. You can tell a lot about a man by his friends. -He's not my friend. -And who are you, young man? -Colin. All right, I'm on prob... -Probiotics! -I beg your pardon? -He's on probiotics. He swears by 'em. - Ey? - Probiotics? It's a friendly bacteria that helps the digestive system. Sets up its own natural defences. -What? -What? It don't matter. Fuel crisis, man. It's a bad sign. Whoa, unleaded. You fucking... Fucking hunch has come back. Shit... you fucking little bastard. This is the bathroom. Pretty much as you remember it. -Taps... -I can see the taps, thank you. We don't really want any more interrupt... I'll go and exercise me rights. All right, Moz. How are you? Blimey, it's Oliver Hardy. Look, now's not really a good time. Hello, ñonstable. -Afternoon, sir. -This is me landlord, Mr Rupani. Is there some problem? Er, no. It's good news down here, good news. What good news? We, er... We found your cat. -I ain't got a cat. -Pets are not allowed. I ain't got a cat. I ain't got a cat. I must've come to the wrong house. Must have. -Why don't you look in your notebook? -Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've come to the wrong house. -Wrong house. -Where are you supposed to be? Somewhere different. Yeah, well, it's an easy mistake to make. Sorry to have bothered you, sir. Oh, and thanks again for your help the other day. -Eh? -Helping us find those... missing things. If only every citizen was as helpful as you, we'd be out of a job. Goodbye, sir. I love the police, don't you? Mr Moz, I shall be frank. I came here today because I had complaints from some of the other tenants. Especially Mrs Coneybear downstairs. -She has complained of much noise and confusion. -Yeah, noise and confusion in her head. She's going senile, you know. She told me you had an endless stream of visitors. That there was strange smells coming from your flat. However, Mr Moz, I'm quite satisfied by what I've seen today. Yeah, well, you've got nowt to worry about with me. I'm a straight-up and above-board as they come. I'm glad to hear it. Bleeding hell! Ah, me hood, me hood hurts! Shitting hell! Me brother. He's staying with us at the moment. He's a... a magician. Am I not allowed to have magicians? SKYMASTER Loading, loading, ready. Hello, my name is SmartyBoy. You're playing SkyMaster. Please select aircraft. Hi, my name is Karl but everyone calls me Kalle. That's me, playing SkyMaster on SmartyBoy. Up, up, down, up. SmartyBoy can say how the weather will be or what time it is in Tokyo. And he can tell you exactly where you are. Turn left. Continue 331 yards down Magnolia Street. Turn left again on to Primrose Drive, and follow it 134 yards. Turn left. You're home. That's my Dad. His name is Palle. And that's my mom. - Hi, Kalle. How are you doing? - Kalle and Palle. Come and get it. Her name is Trille. You can see she's got a thing for flowers. This is SkyMaster. Please select aircraft. DC4 selected. Please set maximum altitude. Kalle, we need you back down on the ground. Okay. Just let me save. Saving and quitting. There's something I have to tell you. But I'm not quite sure how to say it. Yes, wait a minute. It's coming now ... It's coming. It's coming. That's it, I got it. I woke up this morning Though the sky was clear and blue And then a voice in my head Whispered a word or two There's someone missing I really have to say Someone missing From our every day I want a little baby A baby small and sweet With big pretty eyes And tiny little feet I want a little cutie I want a little baby I think I would be happy If we had a tiny baby That smelled like a lily Then we would be A perfect little family I also woke up this morning Though the sky was clear and blue And then a voice in my head Also whispered a word or two There's someone missing One we haven't even met There's someone missing One not even born yet We want a little baby A baby small and sweet With big pretty eyes And tiny little feet We want a little cutie We want a little baby. Hey, Kalle. Do you mind if we have half an hour to ourselves? Warning! Mountain range ahead. Adjust altitude. Up, down, up, down. And that happened more and more often. Hey, Kalle? Yeah ..? Do you mind if we have another half hour ... Just to ourselves? Rise to maximum altitude. Up, down ... Incredible how many half hours they needed. Then one day, something happened. Kalle, land that thing for a minute. Something fantastic has happened. - Something incredible. - I'll just save. Kalle, look at me. What's three plus one? - Four. - Exactly. Congratulations, Kalle. Congratulations, Palle. Perfect. Congratulations, Trille. With the little one. Why are you wearing flowers in your hair? - Is it your birthday? - No, I'm going to be a big brother. They want us to be a real family. Dad, mom and two kids. We're just me and my mom and dad. And we're a real family. Kalle, we must have a proper playhouse. - I'm Palle. What's your name? - Rikke. Hi. I need to build a playhouse. We've got a little one on the way. - What' your name? - Karl, but everyone calls me Kalle. - Are you going out with someone? - No. Why don't you and I start going out? It would be practical. Want to do it? - Do what? - Go out. What do you do when you're "going out"? You see each other almost every day. And then you have to pretend you're doing homework together. Actually, you hold hands, listen to music and kiss. - Every day? - Yeah, except weekends. - What happens at weekends, then? - You go for long walks and kiss. - I haven't time for that. - Everyone has time to go out. - I'll have to think about it. - Do that. It's a great offer. Kalle. We've finished it. Have a look. Long live the little playhouse. Mom decorated the baby's room as she grew bigger and bigger. It's not easy, decorating a baby's room. Kalle, could you go get Palle? Best believe it, life is sweet Every day such a wonderful treat Up above are puffy clouds And the earth is full of happy sounds So come out Best believe it, life is sweet Birds are singing tweet tweet tweet Everyone is smiling again And no one is less Than your best friend So come out Come out Come along This world is full of song So come on out and play, please do We've reserved a special space For you Best believe it, they're all here Mom and dad and brother Have no fear. They're waiting for you, don't delay It's your big "open your eyes" day So come out Come out Come along This world is full of song So come on out and play, please do We've reserved A special place for you Come out Come along This world is full of song So come on out and play, please do We've reserved a special Place for you So come on out and play Please do We've reserved a special Place for you You'd better go have a little break. We'll take care of everything. Pedersen! Yes, everything's just fine. It all went smoothly. It's a baby girl. 5,7 pounds. Delicate and beautiful. Especially when you see her from the front. - From the front? Is everything okay? - What? - Is there something wrong? - Not at all. She's sweet. Especially when you see her from the front. - Not if you see her from the back? - Oh, yes, definitely ... Or ... You'd better have a look. She's so sweet and small. That's what I said. But ... what's wrong with her back? - She has wings! - No, no, no ... No. There are no known cases of children with wings. Those look like wings. No. Those are not wings. They are protrusions. Skin flaps! We'll take care of them right away. I'm surprised they weren't spotted on the scans. - So, what do you say? - No thanks. I'm not quite with you here. We can fix this little problem easily. Make her completely normal. Both front and back. More or less. We'll take her just the way she is. It's moments like these that make it so hard being a doctor. Very hard. Pedersen! Let's move on to the next patient. Look at her. She's so sweet and little. Exactly. You're quite right, Trille. Her name should be Little. So Little came into our lives. We were a real family, even if she was a bit different. Little came home with us. Life was really, really good then as she slowly grew and grew. Little was very cute, but finding clothes for her wasn't easy. Welcome to Baby-Ben's Baby World. How can I help you? - We're looking for a jumpsuit. - Good. - I've got everything for kids. - Everything for kids? Everything for kids From teddy bears to cribs You'll feel like crawling on the floor When you step in through the door The name is Baby-Ben My name is really Walter Fitz And I've got everything for kids Soldiers and rag dolls Carriages and monitors Juicy little pacifiers Bathtubs and baby rattles Nappies and potties Building blocks and rubber ducks Baby bibs and sippie cups Everything for kids Everything for kids From teddy bears to cribs You'll feel like playing on the floor The minute you step through the door The name is Baby-Ben My name is really Walter Fitz And I've got everything for kids. All we need is a jumpsuit. One that fits these ... Oh, I'm sorry. I can't help you. I thought I had everything for kids. It wasn't easy finding clothes. In the end, Mom made them herself. 5 inches ... And Little grew and grew. And so did her wings. Mountain range ahead. Adjust altitude. Continue at cruising speed. Up, up, down, down. Invalid command. Try again. Invalid command. Try again. I said, invalid command. Try again. Let go. Please put me down. I said, please put me down. Ouch. You are playing SkyMaster. Select aircraft. DC4 selected. Mom ... How much does Little weigh? She weighs about 17 pounds, I'd guess. How large a wingspan does a baby of 17 pounds need to fly? Ready. Come on. Little. Up, up, come on, Little. Do like this. Little? Skymaster! Rikke, she flew. Little flew. Isn't that amazing? I'm not sure it's a good idea for us to go out. How can I be 100 percent serious about our relationship? - Our relationship? - You keep lying. But I'm not lying. I yelled, "Skymaster" and then ... You run around yelling, "Flymaster". It's hard for us to build on that. A couple is supposed to be loving and honest. Kalle, I think we'll end it here. I hope you understand. Maybe it was best. What mattered was that Mom and Dad saw Little fly. Mom, Dad. Look. Little can fly. Ready? Skymaster. Kalle, you have to promise never to do anything like that again. That was dangerous. - It's true, though. She can fly. - I don't think Little will ever fly. It's time we talked about whether she should keep those "wings" or not. You're crazy. She can fly. I saw it myself. I yelled, "Skymaster", and so did Little. She can fly and talk. Good afternoon, everyone. I'm Karin from the municipality. - I'm your family counselor. - Family counselor? You have a child that is different. I'm here to offer you our full support and guidance. Thanks, but Little is fine. We all are. - She's growing and growing. - That's great. Oh my! Those are nasty little things, aren't they? - Those are her wings. - You misunderstand something, Palle. - My name is Kalle. - Oh, I'm sorry. You're Kalle. Then you must be Palle, Palle. - And that's Trille? - No, I'm Trille. Her name is Little. Oh, so it's Palle, Kalle, Trille and Little. Funny. Those will never be anything that remotely resembles wings. They are skin flaps. Skin flaps, skin flaps, skin flaps. They're protrusions, and they'll never cause anything but trouble for the rest of her life. So far, we've been doing okay. How do you expect your child to have a normal life with those things? Why don't you give her the chance to live a normal, happy life? - Yes, but ... - No buts! Think five years ahead. Imagine her with those things dangling at her feet. They're dangerous, tripping her. Let me give you a good piece of advice. Get those protrusions removed, fast. It can be done easily and painlessly. Welcome to Plastic Palace. A great little clinic where we'll make you as good as new. Change is nice It's not as bad as it sounds We can make your nose Look less sad And give you back The hair you always had Plastic fantastic Your palace of plastic We are ready to make you ecstatic And we can really Send you off in style When we put on our biggest smile Change is nice It's great, isn't it? We're set and ready To change your life With a snippety snippety snippety Snippety snip of the knife Plastic fantastic Your palace of plastic We are ready To make you ecstatic ... Now those are real men. True professionals. - I don't know ... - What if it's dangerous? My thoughts exactly. Here's my card. Call me anytime. I'll be seeing you. Goodbye. You're crazy. Those are wings. - But what if she gets hurt again? - That was an accident. She can fly. She can fly! Little! Do you recall what I recommended at her birth? - Yes, but ... - Yes? Well, obviously you don't. Do you? I told you to get those skin flaps removed. And now they've actually become dangerous. You were lucky this time. She got away easy. She hasn't fractured anything or sustained a concussion. I've never been so scared. Or maybe when Kalle tried to make her fly ... You don't think those are wings? Because they're not. Definitely not. They're skin flaps. Skin flaps, skin flaps, skin flaps. If I were you, I'd have them removed immediately. It's a miracle she didn't break her neck. Hello again, everyone. I'm Karin. From the municipality. Hello, Karin. I'm this little flock's family advisor. If you want this child to have a relatively normal life, those things must be removed. Now. Or as fast as possible. For the girl's own sake. You'll be taking a huge risk if you let her keep them. Little? Mom, Dad? Dear Kalle. We're going to Plastic Palace and won't be home till tomorrow. Little tripped over her wings, and everyone says they must come off. The operation is at eight tomorrow morning. Remember, we're doing it for Little's own sake. Kisses From Mom, Dad and Little. Distance to Plastic Palace: 81.2 miles. ETA at current speed: tomorrow 07:32 am. Rats. A puncture. In the event of a puncture, pry the tire off using a screwdriver. Then remove the inner tube and locate the puncture ... Where do I find something to mend the hole with? Distance to nearest Bicycle shop: 9.2 miles. Time to destination at current speed ... Stop it. We're standing still. We need to mend the tire. Yes? - Is Alf here? - Who's asking? My name is Karl, but everyone calls me Kalle. Quick, quick, quick. Come! - Awful things can happen out there. - Can you mend a punctured tire? I'm sorry, but it's completely impossible for me to patch that tire. - Isn't this a workshop? - It used to be a workshop ages ago. - But you've got all sorts of tools. - No, I don't. There's a screwdriver right there. Listen, why don't you just take your bike to a bicycle repair shop. I'm sure there's one right around the corner. Time remaining: 21 hours, 3 minutes and 22 seconds. - What's that? - SmartyBoy. It knows everything. Then it knows I can't help you. - Why? SmartyBoy knows what to do. - Then let him mend that tire! - Come on! It's important. - What was your name again? - Kalle. - Kalle. I can't fix your bike. - Because ... - Because what? Because everything I touch falls apart. - You want me to believe that? - Suit yourself. It's true. - End of discussion. - That's the worst excuse I've heard. If this bike isn't fixed, something will happen to my little sister. Your little sister? If I don't fix your bike, your sister gets hurt? That's the dumbest explanation I've ever heard. Fine! You asked for it. Here, move. - What did I tell you? - Go on. It could happen to anyone. - Do you live here? - Yes. - But you get out, right? - Never. - You never leave this garage? - This isn't a garage. It's my house. - And I'm not going out. - Why not? - Because it's too dangerous. - What's so dangerous? 20 years ago, my parents walked out of that door. They were going to an anniversary party. They never made it. Why didn't they make it to the party? They were hit in the head by a car. I'm staying here. At this speed, it will be impossible to reach destination by 8 am. - Shall I abort the mission? - No! - You have to do something. - You're the one who came barging in. - Yes, but you ruined my bike. - Easy now, Kalle. Every time I'm a little down I eat a little oatmeal. You should try it. You'll feel much better. No thanks. If I don't make it, they'll cut her wings off. Did you say "wings"? They call them skin flaps, but she can fly. - I don't think she has wings. - Little has wings! - Then why doesn't she just fly away? - She's still learning how to. - She's only flown once. - Kalle, have some oatmeal. It helps. A nice big helping. - Couldn't you drive me? - I haven't got a car. What's that, then? You lied! You said you didn't have a car. This is not a car. This is a Cadillac De Ville 1959, - - V8, 390 engine, that produces 160 horsepower. The world's first and only completely waterproof car. Waterproof? Why waterproof? I don't know. But it stays right here! You could drive me. But you'd rather sit here while my sister suffers. It's not my car. It's my dad's. One: I've never actually driven it. Two: I have no intention of doing so. Three: Because I'll just ruin it. Four: I really think you should have some oatmeal to calm your nerves. Yes, maybe you're right. Maybe all I need is a bit of oatmeal. Coming right up. - How do you start this thing? - To start Cadillac De Ville 1959: Move gear lever to Park or "P". Extra sugar, please! Turn ignition clockwise. When engine starts idling, move gear lever to "D" for "Drive". - It's also good with cocoa on. - Okay, I'll have some. - I think I ran out last year. - Just plenty of sugar, then. Come and get it. Stop! No! Are you crazy? You could have wrecked it completely. - That car stays right here! - Why don't you come with me? Because I live here! This is my home. Home. Home! I've lived here for 20 years, and I'm going to stay here. This isn't good. This isn't good at all. Everything's fine. We're on our way. This is all wrong. One: I've lost my home. Two: This car is meant to stay at home. Like me. We feel safest at home. Turn left. Drive straight for 8.1 miles. Ask your friend to pipe down. SmartyBoy's great at giving directions. Alf, I think you can drive a little faster. At current average speed ETA at destination is 10.15 am. - Come on, Alf. - Take it easy. We're going 20 miles an hour. You've never done that on your bike. I've biked 40 miles an hour downhill. With a fierce tailwind. Pretty nice ride, isn't it? - Haven't you driven it before? - Never. It's my first time. "Cadillac", king of the road. - Incredible, huh? It drives so well. - You're a really good driver. Funny, I thought everything would go wrong. Look at us, Kalle. Just driving along. Oh no. I knew it! - It's falling apart. - Relax. - My dad's going to be so upset. - I thought he was dead? Yes, but still. I shouldn't have come with you. But you had to drag me into this. Relax. We're probably just out of gas. The gas gauge of a Cadillac De Ville is located to the right of the wheel. - I found it. - Is it empty? Yes. I should've stayed at home. I told you, Kalle! I And I was right. We have to push. I probably can't push it. One, two, three, go ... ETA to Plastic Palace at current speed: the year 2012. - Pull its batteries out! - Come on, we're in a hurry. Alf, I've seen something incredible. I'm not in the mood for one of your stories. But look. Be quiet! I'm through hearing about flying sisters or anything like that. See for yourself. See for yourself. You know what that is? Pancakes. Pancakes. - Let's go! - Only gas, Alf. We haven't got time. - Pancakes. I love pancakes. - Alf, gas! Not now. Pancakes first. Hurry up! That's it. That's enough. - Just one, Alf. Remember! - Sure, sure. Hello, we're here. - They're closed. - How unlucky can you get? I had my mind set on pancakes. I'm the one that bakes The world's best pancakes The ones that give you The shakes shakes shakes We've got them in big crates A ton of fine pancakes You get the best ones anyone - Makes makes makes - The best that anyone makes Pancakes, We make them with flair Pancakes, We flip them in the air Pancakes, Have one or have a pair They're great against aches Our juicy pancakes They've got all it takes Every single day We're putting up a flag Our pancake flag You get the best pancakes - Anyone makes makes makes - That's right Pancakes, We make them with flair Pancakes, We flip them in the air Pancakes, Have one or have a pair - We don't ever get complaints - Never About our fine pancakes Because our fine pancakes Give you the shakes shakes shakes Our fine pancakes Are just tasty and good And you get the very best Anyone makes makes makes Pancakes, We make them with flair Pancakes, We flip them in the air Have one or have a pair. - We haven't got all day. - This is an important moment. - My first pancake in years! - You can eat it in the car. Let's just take it easy for a minute. Think how hard we've worked. I think I'll have another. They're actually quite good. I think I'll have another. I promise you all the pancakes you can eat, as soon as we get there. Let's move! At current average eating speed, the destination will never be reached. It's impossible to enjoy anything with that thing cackling. - I'll just drive myself. - Hey, wait! I'm coming. - Pardon me, isn't there ... - Something ... You've forgotten? - Nothing in the world ... - Is free. - There's always ... - A price to pay. Let's see now. Oh, I didn't bring any money. Maybe Kalle did? No, sorry. Could we owe you? We promise to come back and pay. - I don't mean to spoil your day. - But that's going to cost you ... - An extra day's dishwashing. - Impossible. We have to go now! They've locked us up. Cheer up, Kalle. I'll make an effort. This is impossible. It'll never work. That's how it's always been. I'm no good at things like this. Alf, maybe you're the only one who can help us. I hope you think you're funny, because no one else does! - It's our only chance. - What is? - You're our only chance. - Listen. I just smashed 163 plates. Now, Alf, let's go. - Come ... - Back here! Alf, you're amazing! That was nothing. Did you see that wall collapse? Yeah, and those ladies got themselves a real surprise! You were incredible! - Me? It was your idea. - I could never have done it alone. Damn it, Kalle, we're a team! You and me, Kalle. Me and you, Alf! And SmartyBoy. Skymaster! What? Skymaster. It's something I say to my sister when we fly. Continue straight ahead for 1.2 miles. Then turn right. Consider it done, Smarty! Storm warning! Storm? Where? Look out the window. - SmartyBoy needs new batteries. - It says hurricane on the display. Nonsense. There's hardly a breeze out there. But maybe it's what they call the quiet before the storm. Don't slow down. I can't see a thing. I knew something would happen. Relax, we're going to make it. This is just an itsy bitsy storm. As long as trees don't start falling on the road, we're fine. - We have to go around it. - Reverse 25 yards and turn left. Fast, come on. Don't get all worked up. Just let me get this thing in reverse. - Quick, turn off. - Processing: Turn right, turn right. Alternative route: Turn left, turn left. - This can't get any worse. - Processing. - Quick, SmartyBoy. Now what? - Processing, processing ... The woods are so pretty and so fine ... Twiddle twiddle twiddle twiddle dee dum ... - No! Maybe he's just overheated. - He looks pretty dead to me. He's not dead! He's just resting. Let's go. - There's a tree blocking the road! - We have to. Try to push it aside. Start the car. - That's impossible. - Try! Oh, no! I've ruined my dad's car. - I should have stayed at home. - We need help. I'm not going anywhere. And don't count on finding anyone to help. Everyone's indoors, waiting for this thing to blow over. And that's exactly what I intend to do. Need help? - Yes, please. - We're in a hurry. No problem! Hey hey you! We're seven to the rescue Hey hey you! We're seven to the rescue We'll be there as fast as lightning No need to worry about anything Moving a whale is the easiest thing And our tow trucks Are just full of bling Hey hey you! We're seven to the rescue We want some more of that juice Horsepower! Turn it loose We make all the girls goose Bad weather! No excuse! Hey hey you! We're seven to the rescue We like steaks And a continental spread An 18 wheeler? Slap it on bread We look good From our toe to our hat When we get there, Switch to code red! Hey hey you! We're seven to the rescue When it breaks We're ready to blow Even if it's just Your wheelbarrow So we hurry out and fix it Come wind or rain or sleet or snow Hey hey you! We're seven to the rescue Yes, it's true We always keep The atmosphere spruce Taking care of business in a hurry And if one of your screws are loose We'll tighten it right Don't you worry Hey hey you! We're seven to the rescue We're the best team you can hire If your bird is stuck on a wire We keep going we never tire Where there's smoke There's always a fire If you're low and starting to sneeze We'll make sure you don't freeze Wrap you in a ton of blankets And give you a little kiss goodnight Hey hey you! We're seven to the rescue Yes, it's true Sing it with me And here are seven more for you And seven more there ... Welcome to our humble home. It's warm inside. Watch your ... head. Oh no, did you hurt yourself? Put these on. On your knees. Sit down. - Why is the ceiling so low? - In the past, we were small people. But where there's a heart there's a hearth. Cheers. I'm Snow White. - Is your name Snow White? - That's what they call me. - What are you guys doing? - We're looking for my sister. - They're going to cut her wings off. - She has wings? Yes, kind of. - And can she fly? - Yes, she flew once. And what about him? His name is Alf. Everyone calls me Kalle. We help each other. - Does he always stare? - No. He just started doing that. - You think you could fix our car? - Those boys can do it in no time. - I'll just go check on the car. - Okay. Please sit down. I prefer to stand. - But wouldn't you like some coffee? - No, really ... I'm okay. But you must! It'll warm you up. I better not have any. It was just an accident. Let's try again. Let me help you. Look, here's a new cup. That's fantastic. Amazing! I did it. - It's because of you. - Because I gave you the coffee? Yes. I could tell the minute I saw you. Did you see that too? When I saw you, did you see that I saw you when you saw me? What is this? I'll tell you exactly what this is: What are the odds That I'd meet you today When I was really going The opposite way We're so lucky What can we do I was just me And you were just you So let's do it, now that we know And make everything grow and grow Kiss me, on the wing Together we'll go flying Across the starry sky Where we play tag and sigh Kiss me, on the wing Can you feel what happens to me When you're here beside me The moonlight's ready to bless Our very first kiss First kiss Kiss me, on the wing Together we'll go flying Across the starry night Where we play tag and sigh Kiss me, on the wing. Hey hey you! Hey hey you! The car is ready! They've fixed it. Kalle, I think I'll stay here. I just drank from a coffee cup ... Without breaking it! - I feel great. - No, we're leaving now. Why don't you drive yourself. I'm staying here. Alf, you know I can't drive. Right, I've got another idea. What if someone else drove you? Stop it, Alf. We're partners. I've just found the woman of my dreams. And a new home. I think you guys need a helping hand. Boys! This is really a bad idea. Please put me down. I'll count to three. One, two, three. Okay, I'll count to five. One, two, three, four, five. - Good luck, Kalle. See you. - Sure. Faster. We've only got half an hour. I want to go home! Which is why I'm driving slowly. The faster I go, the further I get from home. I just found a home. And love. And now I'm goofing around in the middle of nowhere. - You don't know where we're going. - Plastic Palace! Yes, but do you even know if it's there, or there, or there? No, I'm turning around. Stop! Let go. Hands off. This is my car. Before I met you, I had a place to live. I don't anymore! And the pancake house ... We couldn't stay there either. And I finally, finally found a place where I'd like to stay. And then you make me leave again. I'm not going to take it! - Drive! - No! - Drive! - No way! Plastic Palace! Help! We're drowning. Help, we're drowning. Help! Kalle. We're not actually drowning. But we're under water. Won't we drown? This is a Cadillac De Ville 1959. It's 100 waterproof. It's too late to save Little. In 22 minutes, they'll chop her wings off. And there's nothing I can do. Nothing. Can't SmartyBoy do something? You're right. We've still got SmartyBoy. Listen, SmartyBoy. We're in a car ... - How deep are we? - About 15 feet. 15 feet underwater. What do we do? My name is SmartyBoy. I was produced in August 2001. And I can sing this song: I want a little baby ... I'm sorry, Kalle. It's all my fault. I forgot how important this was. Sorry. - I'm a fool. - It's not your fault. You've been a good friend. But we won't make it. Yes, we will. We'll make it! Why did you do that? That's why! Invalid command. Try again. Please put me down. - Which way do we go? - This way. What are we waiting for? We're ready. Yes. Exactly! Just fine. Yes. Then let's get started. I've got work to do. Is she sleeping? Good. Let's begin. - See anything? - No. I thought it was over here. Further. Further. A little to your right. Left, left. Back out a bit. Out. What are you doing? The thing is, I don't feel comfortable using scalpels. - And Svend-Erik here is ... - Not too comfortable with ... - Blood. - What a couple of nincompoops. Anybody can do it. Here, give me that. I think we've been here before. See anything? Just reeds. You know what? Step up. There, I can see it. That way. Soon, everything will be completely normal. And we'll all be really, really happy. Little! Skymaster. - It's beautiful! - It's incredible! That's not normal! Is it? Is it? It's not normal at all. Not at all. It's completely abnormal. This is not good. Life isn't like that, is it? Life isn't like that! What are the odds that I'd meet you today When I was really going The opposite way We're so lucky, what can we do I was just me, and you were just you So let's do it, now that we know And make everything grow and grow Kiss me, on the wing Together we'll go flying Across the starry sky Where we play tag and sigh Kiss me, on the wing Can you feel what happens to me When you're here beside me The moonlight's ready to bless Our very first kiss Skymaster. Kiss me, on the wing Kiss me, on the wing On the wing ... On the wing ... Wait! Where are you running? Wait! I caught you. Give me my money. Since so many days you have made us run afteryou. Today give us our money. Then run all by your self alone! I will give you one tight slap. One second. One second. Are you seeing this entire land? The entire land. -Yes, we are seeing. Now just think that it is filled with thousand mango trees. Close your eyes and imagine. Close your eyes! You all keep your eyes open. Or else he will run away. Only I will close my eyes. Yes, I closed them. Now tell me, dear. How does it feel? - lt is feeling nice. Only trees are there all over. Even I thought of the same thing. That's why I bought the entire land.. ..and even bought 1000 mango saplings. I thought as they grow they will produce lakhs of mangoes. Because of which I will become a billionaire.. ..and repay back your small debts. How did you find it? Very good! It's a great idea. Even I thought it was a great idea. But the government thought of a better idea than this. They want to lay a railway track here. And they confiscated my land. Now I have just 1000 mango saplings.. ..left with me which are rotting along with my dreams. We are fed up listening to your new stories. You changed so many businesses. And in all you had a loss. So what should we do about it? You have even taken loans from the cats and dogs. Now you will have to take a decision. Now tell us. When are you giving the money? - Tomorrow evening. 5 o'clock. The bridge which is next to the river. All of you come there at 5 o'clock. 5 o'clock, 7 o'clock, 10 o'clock! We have been hearing this since many years. Exactly that! We have a relation since so many years. Don't you have any trust on me? - No, no. Not at all. Leave all that. I am going to change the opinion that you all have about me. Tomorrow evening at 5 o'clock. I am going to repay back all your debts together. Really? -lf you don't then? If I don't then do as you feel like. But sharp 5 o'clock. If you don't come on time then I am not going to wait. Then later don't tell me that you didn't get your money. Fine. - Fine. Come, welcome. I welcome all of you. Very good! I said 5 o'clock. You all have come sharp at 5 o'clock. Who says that the people over here don't come on time? Move! One minute. Move. Has he started giving the money? Listen! Don't worry. The program has just started. So everyone has come? -Yes, we have come. I will do one thing. I will read everyone's name one by one. Whosever's name I read, that one must.. ..raise their hand and say that he is present. Okay? -Yes. -Yes. -Very good. Hariram Navid. 12,250 rupees. - Present. Prabhakar Shetty. Along with interest it is 13,900 rupees. Present! - How are you, dear? - l am fine. Raghuveer Gwala. 20,500 rupees. - Present. How is everyone at home? -Yes, they are fine. - Okay. Oye! First pay me my money and let me go. Hey! Sharma-ji. I have to give you a lot of money. And he himself has come late. Now don't delay. Give me my money. - Be calm! Be calm! See, along with Sharma-ji's money.. ..I have to give all of you a total of 13,90,000 rupees. I don't have so much with me. I am falling a little short. How much are you falling short? Not much. I am falling short just a little bit. Even then. How much? 100 rupees. - Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. - No, no. Ijust have 100 rupees with me. I am falling short by 13,89,900 rupees. Take the money out! - Listen! Don't touch this. -What is in this? Rat poison. - Rat poison! Actually the thing is that I don't have.. ..that much money to buy cyanide so.. I was roaming with this. Who knows when the need of this arises? Throw the bottle! - Throw the bottle! I knew that you all wouldn't even let me die in peace. Even then I have no complaints about all of you. You all have helped me at some point of time orthe other. But I won't betray you all. I will return you all every penny back. What to do? Whatever business I started it all doomed. At the end I opened a firecrackerfactory. Even that went bust. Then sell those firecrackers and repay the debts of all of us. Hey! What I meant was that the firecrackers didn't work. Then from where should I give you your money? My father used to say that my name would.. ..definitely come in the Guinness Book of World Records. He was right. There wouldn't be anyone in the world apart from me who.. ..is so young and has taken such a huge amount of loan. But I didn't do all this on purpose. The situations were such. Now I have only 2 options. Eitheryou all give me 5 years time. Or I will have to jump into the ocean and die. Hey! Don't try to act over smart with me! If you die by jumping in the ocean then.. ..I am happily willing to let go of my money. If you have so much guts then jump into the ocean. I will jump! I have taken a huge amount of insurance policy on my name. And you all will get your money back from that. But I need some help of you all in it. Tell the insurance agents that my death.. ..was just an accident it wasn't suicide. While I was talking to you all my leg slipped and I fell into the water. As soon as we get the money my father will pay you all back the money. Hey dude! Stop talking about these futile things! And talk something about giving our money back. Yes! This is his new trick. New trick! DearJeetu, don't play this game with us. Ijust have this game with me. Its not that I don't want to live. But there is no other option left. Those people who know me closely, they will understand. That my decision was not wrong. Hey! He really got drowned! Did we get any information from the guard? - No. What happened? Did you get the body? - No, inspector. Did you look for it properly? Father, someone has come to meet you. Tell me. Sir, we haven't come to meet you but Jeetu-ji. Jeetu. Jeetu! Yes, father. They are saying that they have come to meet you. Yes, I know you. But why have they come to meet me, father? I know why they have come. -Yes, even I know. I thought before meeting me they should see you once. Why? Am I a monkey that I will show them some act? So anyone who comes first must see me. Father, you don't know him? Baban Rao.. the vegetable guy. Do you rememberthe lottery business I had started.. Yes, the one that had gone into losses. So.. he only had helped me in returning back the bank loan. Along with the money and interest the total comes up to 40,000 rupees. I am fed up telling him. That I will pay him tomorrow. I will pay him tomorrow. Even then he doesn't believe me. You don't have to give me him any money. You just have to give him a date forthat. He will agree to it. He will agree. You are right. To give people a date and not to meet them on that date. I don't have this talent, which you have, dear. Even he knows that, father. That's why he was saying that only.. ..when you give a date then he will agree. Please, help me, father. Or else I will have to get myself hanged. Yes, dear ones! They are not giving you a date. He is paying you the entire money. Take this rope. Tie it around your neck and hang yourself. Your elder sister is sitting in the house unwed. This house is only left which we had to mortgage because of you. And you want more help from me. What will I help you? Go and drown somewhere so that.. ..we can save ourselves from more ruin. Go! See, the decision that we had taken.. ..don't use that to ruin my daughter's life. What are you talking? Have I ever interfered in your path till date? You do one thing. You find a good boy for Pooja and.. ..get her married with great pomp and show. And I will be the first one in that to help you. Are you happy? -Only if she agrees to it! Since years she is stubborn about one thing. That she wants to get married to you only. Why are you cursing her? Since the time she has come to her.. ..senses you have been hearing one thing. That we are made for each other. I agree that we also wanted the same thing. But I didn't know that you would grow up.. ..to become such a useless person. You find a groom for her. I will handle the rest. I won't be able to bearthe pain of separation from her. But at least she will live in peace. She won't agree. Till the time you are in front of her.. ..she will never agree to marry someone else. Understood? That's why I am saying that run away. Go away to some far of place. And return afteryears. And even if you don't come back then also it will do. Actually the thing is that you can get rid of your moneylenders.. ..and I will get my daughter married somewhere else. Understood? Now don't say that you don't have money to go. Take this! Take this money! Keep it! And don't come back with the excuse to return this. How did you come with this rally? Have you left everything and got into politics? It's not politics. I had to save myself from the moneylenders. When I participate in the rally then the moneylenders can't catch me. When in the morning I came out then I got the rally of BJP. Then I reached the post office by walking with them. After reaching overthere I got to know.. ..they wanted to go left and I wanted to go right. Then I escaped. After waiting for such a long time I caught hold of this congress rally. Then I could come to meet you. Oh God! Sometimes you become a part of this rally and sometime the other rally? Don't these rally people tell you anything? They tell me. Whateverthey say I speak the same thing. I am fed up with you. Leave all that. Come here, with me. Don't talk rubbish! Have I evertroubled you with the topic of marriage? Until all yourtensions are not over I am willing to wait foryou. Till when? - Let it take whatevertime. Let anything happen. We will at least live together one day. That's all. That is enough for me. This cannot happen, Pooja. I have a lot of burden of loan over me. I can't even handle the weight of an ant. And if you really ask me.. ..even you are a burden for me now. We will have to separate, Pooja. Now you go home. If this rally passes by then there is no.. ..rally till the evening that will make me reach home. Have you ever even got groceries for a week forthis house? Now father can't tell this to me, mother. Take this. This is one week's grocery and vegetables to cook along with it. Have you got fish? What are you saying, mother? Don't I know that fish is not cooked in this house? Then this stink of fish? Yes.. I was going through the fish market. So overthere people carry fish in the containers. So even I picked up a few. Just like that. Just for a change. Dear, you are doing all this.. As if I am going to do all this work every day? You cook the meal. I will have a shower and come quickly. Mother, aren't you eating food? - l will have it later. This won't do! I have put in so much of hard work. You will have to have one morsel from my hands. What has happened to you, dear? Mother, I had promised you a lot of things, right? Big house. New car. Servants. is everything ready? Now I feel I won't be able to give you anything, mother. Never. I don't want anything. I can't bearto see all that you do.. ..to get rid of the moneylenders. You don't worry. I have a way to solve it. Afterthat no one will run after me. is it? What is it? When it happens, you will get to know it on your own. Maybe you might first feel hurt. But never abuse or curse me. And afterfather's temper cools down.. ..then tell him that Jeetu wasn't a bad boy. Whatever he did, he didn't do it on purpose. And definitely tell him this that I loved him a lot. Those people who had gone to look.. ..forthe body they have all come back. The current is very strong today. There are few chances of finding the body. Take Master-ji home. UTV These eyes and the kohl. This bindi and this veil. Why do they make me so restless? Why does.. my heart.. love you only so much? Why does.. my heart.. love you only so much? From the blooming mornings. From the fading evenings. From my own people and from strangers. Why do I ask this again and again? Why does.. my heart.. love you only so much? My day and nights are there only because of you. The days and nights.. the days and nights.. the days and nights. I am nothing without you. Without you.. without you.. without you. This feeling is so deep. These boundaries of desires. Why do they make me so restless? Why does.. my heart.. love you only so much? From the blooming mornings. From the fading evenings. From my own people and from strangers. Why do I ask this again and again? Why does.. my heart.. love you only so much? Hey Raju, go and find that Gundya out! See there. That Gujarati in the moustache. But what is he doing here in a minister's attire. He must have come to buy fish. Whetherthe moustache is on the face orthe face is on the moustache. This can't be figured out only! Hey, you fool! This moustache has nothing to do with you! He knows Hindi. Hey! You guys don't know him? - No. He is Prabhat Singh Chauhan. Who are these people? And what are they doing here? Sir, they are new. They have come just now. That's why they don't know you. So what if we are from Gujarat? We are not whiling away ourtime since 2 generations in Calcutta. What are you talking about Hindi? I can speak better Bengali also. Have you heard Tagore's verses? No, we haven't heard that. But we have only heard the abuses from the mouth.. of ourfather after he gets drunk in the evening. It is futile to talk with you all. Tell me has anyone of you seen that.. ..person Gundya who takes money on loan? Hasn't he returned your money till now? If I spot him now then I will burn him alive. He must be somewhere here. Hey Raju! Boss! Who is he? Fool! Can't you see that a good guy is praying? Go and do your work. Hey! See that! Today Gundya brother's boat is coming first. My boat? Oh! So you are here. I thought a good guy is sitting here and praying. Get up! You scoundrel! You betrayer! My boat is coming. - l know that your boat is coming. First give my money. See.. see. You know that whoevers boat comes first when it rains.. ..he gets 1.5 lakhs in the auction. You know that. -What? Yes, so I will give you in the evening. Even then something will be left. You are too much! The boat that has come first will also.. ..go first and tomorrow also it will be the first to come. So I will get 1.5 lakhs tomorrow evening too. I will get it, right? Now tell me. How much is the total accounting to? 1.5 and 1.5? - 3 Three. How much do I have to give you? 2.75. - 2.75. How much is left? 25.. 25,000. - This much is left. -Yes. That means you have to give me 25,000 rupees. Correct? -Yes. When will you give me? -What? When will you give me 25,000 rupees? I will give you? -What do you mean by that? When will you give? - l said I will give you. What does this mean! Isn't my money, money? And don't try to change my topic! I must get my money by day aftertomorrow. Or else I will shave your moustache.. ..and make you sit on a donkey. He just claims! He will give it. Rememberthat you have come across a Bengali guy! What happened? 1.5 and 1.5.. 3. 2.75.. 25. But when did he give my money? Move! Go away! Beware! No one step into the boat! Whoever wants to auction it, must stand in the front. And if you don't have money in your pockets then don't say anything. First me! What are you doing? is your wife in my boat that you have jumped in? Get out! Go away! There is not even a single fish! Bandya! -Yes! Bandya, is this a mermaid? - No, it is not a mermaid. Yes. is this a dead body? -Yes. -Who says it is a dead body? This is a dead body. Open his mouth and see, he is still breathing. He is breathing? Now what will I tell that moustache guy? What is the need to tell the moustache guy everything? You alone are capable to take him to the hospital. You have got me trapped very well! Now as soon as I threw the fishing net I caught him. He was alive. So I let go of the fishes and got him here. You did a good thing. A very good thing. Shut up! Close your mouth! Sir, you will get the moon from the President on 15th August. So will I lick the moon! Not that moon! Gold medal. Gold medal, scoundrel! First I am finding it difficult to live hand to mouth.. ..and on top of that this new problem is on my head! Come, hold his legs! Not mine! Hold the legs of the dead body! If I didn't get this dead body to the hospital on time and if he dies.. ..here then I will definitely land up into a big mess! Call! Call 3 to 4 people! Come! - Come! What are you all standing and staring at my face! Come! Get up! Get up! What happened? Go and get these medicines quickly. Go fast. Get up! Get up! Why should I get these? How much ever medicines are in the hospital make him have.. ..half spoons of each and he will be fine. Even the oxygen cylinder is getting over. We have to get a new one. The entire cylinder is over? -Yes. Which side of yourteeth is paining? - This side. Just wait. I will call you. Open the windows of the hospital and.. ..tell him he will get as much oxygen he wants. Why don't you understand? I have got hurt and he himself is crying. Come on, boss. Sit here. Sit here. Sit. Sit. Boss, is everything fine. - No, it is paining. - Okay. First go and see whether he has come to his senses. - Okay. Hey! What is this? Where? What are you doing? Boss! Boss, where were you? I was searching foryou since so long. What happened? -Doctor has called. I don't want to come. -Why? He removed my tooth. I don't know what all will he remove. I don't want to come. - Tooth? -Yes. First of all I didn't have anything to lose. This tooth wasn't even giving me any problem. That guy just pulled it out deliberately. But I don't know what all will go of mine over here today! Nothing will go. lt will only come. It will only come. What will come? The string of your pants? Come. You first come. Come.. come. This guy who is lying down here. Do you know who he is? -Who is he? He is a millionaire! Millionaire! - Millionaire? And he got trapped by you? Only millionaire's get trapped. Don't you believe? Do you know what is this? This is the underwear. - This is not underwear. lt is a letter. This is not an ordinary letter. In this it is written that this man has.. ..to take money from how many people. Full account is written and that too in lakhs. And the people who couldn't return his money.. ..must have thrown him into the ocean. See his face. ls it like yours? No, right? Doesn't he look that he has come from a nice family background? Boss, it is very easy. We saved his life. How much will we get forthat? At least 5 lakhs we will get forthat. - From whom? - His father. Do you know his father? -That.. that.. his mother will be aware of. Who is his mother? - That we will ask him. -Who is he? Those people must be knowing him. -Who! - His parents. Without knowing him how will we get to know his parents? Idiot! I have one idea. -What? We will show him his own photo and ask him who he is. Then at least he will say who he is. -Very good! Boss! He has come! -Who? - Senses. He has come back to his senses. See he has opened his eyes and is laughing. You haven't died. You are alive. Those people from whom you have to take money.. ..I have the entire list with me. lt is secure. We will take it back from them together. I am with you. Tell me, dear, where is your name? Where are your parents? Where do they stay? Can you listen to what we are saying? How will he listen? Water must have gone into his ears. Water has gone into his ears not his mouth. Tell me! See, we are not your enemies. We are yourfriends. -Yes. See, I swear by this bottle of glucose. I have spent a lot of money on you. - He is right! Hey! See the 5 lakhs that I am going to get for saving.. ..your life from that you give me 2 lakhs now. Advance! He has fainted again! Oh no! He drank the entire thing! He drank all the 6 bowls of it! Keep it. Keep it. Tell him! Ask him! Who are his parents? Where are they? When will he give our money? Did you tell him that or no? So till now haven't you realized that he is deaf! He is deaf! Oh no! He just understands one language. Of signs! Boss, look at me. I will show you. Boss, see what he said. He wants more soup. He is not just deaf but dumb too. So do you have money with you? - No. - No? Then will yourfather pay for more soup? He just tries to act frail, but he eats a lot. Don't ask him such futile things! Scoundrel has put on a lot of weight after eating so much! You jerk! Hey! Where have you come from! Where is your house! Boss, ask him in sign language. So then you ask him! Ask him where is his house? Ask! - Fine. Your.. house.. bar. Where is your house? He is asking for more soup. Not soup.. house. - Shut up, you fool! You just talk about food items to him. Now I will talk to him. -Ask, boss. Your.. village. Well.. water. Your village.. village where is it? Where is it? Which village is this? - He is asking where is your village? It is the graveyard. I will ask you about all the places of India in sign language. You tell me which is your place? What is this? You didn't understand? - No. - Latur. I am kicking. Latur. When you said it now from your mouth then I understood. Okay, at least one fool understood. Now how will anyone explain this fool? Boss, ask him about Ratnagiri. Ratnagiri.. Ratnagiri. Ratna (gem).. Ratna! Giri? Giri? Come here. Yes, boss. Ratna.. Giri. Ratnagiri. Ratnagiri. You haven't understood correctly. I will ask him about here. About Calcutta. Call.. Call.. then cut it. Boss, ask carefully or else he will cut me up. So then what should I do? What should we do? Ask him about Boribandar, boss. Boribandar? -Yes. Bori (sack).. understood? Load it once again, boss. - Now you tell him about the Bandar(monkey) Understood? Boribandar. Did you understand, fool? Who is Gundya-bhau here? - He. Come here. -What happened? We have got to know that you have got a big thing from the ocean. Whateveryou have got you have to.. Bandya! -Yes, boss. - Get that big thing. So is this it? So did you think we have got gold and silver? Who is he? From where has he come from? Till we don't get to know about that we won't leave him. This is a very good thing that you have said. Fine. But, since we don't have a complaint.. ..against him we can't even keep him inside. As of now I am letting him go with you two. And whenever I call you, you will have to take him and come. This is your responsibility. Sir, the money.. No, no. I don't want any money. I am just doing you a favor. Just think of it in that sense. Go. is this what we call living? It is worse than the living of the dog of a washer man! And on top of that this evil guy! -And both of us are completely bankrupt. I have given you my shirt to wear. Now after it gets dirty and starts.. ..stinking only then will I give you another one! Yamaha? No, I will get you a Hero Honda. Come. Why are we going this side? - That I don't know, boss. But why are you dragging me? Where am I dragging you? So he was the one who was pulling us here! Oh this poor chap must be feeling hungry! He can't speak. He is dumb. That's why he got us here. Boss, don't touch it. He is asking for chips. It's not a lizard, boss. Hey! Don't snatch it. Don't snatch it. What misbehavior is this, boss? Go! Move away! Sir! Give me 3 cups of tea. 2 proper ones and one without sugar and with less milk. For who is that, boss? We will have to make him drink a bad tea. - ls it? If we give him a good tea then he will be.. ..habituated to it and will get us here everyday by dragging us. Sir, do one thing. From his share put sugar and more milk in my tea. -Yes. Why? - Boss, you are paying for all three, right? Paying for all three! Are you abusing? - Shut up! Boss, what have you thought of ahead? Ahead? First let me get rid of this ghost. We will think later of what needs to be done ahead. Give me tea, please. -Yes. Leave it! Leave it! It is not mine! It is not mine! - Don't hit him, boss. The hen has given them. What is he saying? He is asking for boiled egg. Give him boiled water. Tell him that the egg has got boiled inside it. He is dumb. He won't come to know. Give it to him. Hey! Hey! There is no sugar in this at all. Over here when you say without sugar.. ..you get it absolutely without sugar. Do you make tea or are you fooling us? Tea without sugar. - My tea is very sweet. So you only give the money. Boss, now since we have spent so much we will take one chips too. Give him also one. Boss, Jabba has gone. Gone? -Yes. He has gone! I am saved. Where did he go? - How do I know? Fool, catch him or else the police will catch us. Where did he go? Where did he go? Jabba! Hello! - Hello.. I am Jeet. Who is speaking? - Hello. I am Jeet's friend speaking. is Mohan-ji there? See we haven't got the money till now. But we will get the insurance money as soon as possible. We are trying hard for it. Actually the thing is that the body is nowhere to be found. So this is for sure that he is dead. If he were alive we would have known by now. How much do you have to take? Boss, see that! See that! Come, come. He is hiding and sitting here. Catch him red-handed. He is inside. Hey! Hey! One has to speak in it. This is of no use to you. Keep it. What is this? This bill just comes out like that. The machine must be bad. Yes, come. Hey! Give me the money. -What? Pay the money forthe call. He can't speak. He is dumb and deaf. We need to pay money to hold the phone? What is he talking? He must be dumb and deaf, you must.. ..be dumb and deaf but I am not dumb and deaf. This bill has come. Then you have to pay the money. I will see how he doesn't pay the money. Give me the money! -What if I don't give? Then I will give! What did you say? What will you do? I will give it to him. -To whom? - l will give him. You will give him? - l will. -This means you will hit him. I will. - You will hit him? -l will. Hit him and show. I want to see. Hit him. What are you telling him to hit me for? Take this. Take this. Your money. What will you see? He will hit me and you will see, is it? What will you see? Boss! -What is it? - He has again disappeared. He was just here. Then where did he go? Hey! He was here.. Will you just sit here bossing over me.. Find him! Now keep an eye on him. He should not sneak away like a cat. Come! Come! Dumb guy, come on walk! This thing of trouble had to fall on my head only! -Yes. When he fell into my trap I understood.. ..then that he is going to be a burden on you. So he will be a burden to me only. How will he a burden to you? Go.. go and untie the boat. Untie the boat! The old man always harasses me! Because of that moustache Gujarati.. ..I have hidden and kept the boat here. ls it? So that he should not take it and go. -Till when will we hide it? That moustache guy will take the boat and go. You have said this so many times and.. ..not let the boat go into the waters since a week. I have become so bankrupt that I don't even have money to drink water. I am drinking my own tears and living. So I should open a food shop foryou amidst the ocean? Open this! The only thing left to eat is grass and raw fish. Raw fish and on top of that this crocodile! Should I say one thing, boss? Don't mind it. - Tell me. You are a very big scoundrel! -So I am! I am. You take loan but you don't repay it. -From where will I give it? First of all there is no money in the pocket. And on top of that a ghost in white clothes is dancing on my head. All of this has happened because of this unlucky person! Hey Bandya! Come here. If within 24 hours you don't get rid of.. ..this trouble then I won't let you step into the boat. Even you can't step into the boat. -Why? Because that moustache guy has threatened to take the boat in 20 hours. Then untie the boat! If you say it in Hindi like this then I will be able to understand. Hey! I will give you one tight slap, you fool! You must be doomed! Now, we can sell this boat comfortably. You scoundrel won't go into the boat. First let this scoundrel go into it. Come. - Hey! Put your right leg in first. Maybe this unlucky person proves lucky for us. Put your right leg first! Hey you fool! Right means put this leg first. Here. He has 2 legs still he doesn't understand. Turn! See, it is going behind. The platform is not going behind, you fool! The boat is going ahead. Moustache guy! -We have got ruined! Moustache guy is taking the boat and going. Bandya, jump into the water. Jump into the water Why should ljump into the water and die? The moustache guy has taken the boat and gone! This unlucky person, wherever he steps he brings bad luck. Boss, he is dumb. Don't hit him. My boat has gone! Oh God! Boss! -Yes. - Now it is just too much! Today we will take a decision about this. -What kind of decision? First we will straight go to that moustache guy! - Then? And then we will ask the moustache guy.. ..whether he will return the boat or not. - Then? Then the moustache guy will say that he won't return the boat. So then? -Then the decision is taken. Fool! Hey! Where are you all barging in? Leave that! Go and tell that moustache guy in Gujarati that Gundya-bhau has come. Tell him! And even tell him that Bandya is with him too. Yes! And even the dumb and deaf guy is also there. Yes! And tell him that ourtemper is.. ..very bad and if required we can even wrestle. Tell him. Oh! Wrestling? Yes, wrestling. Go and tell him. That moustache guy stays in Calcutta.. ..but keeps a Gujarati watchman instead of a Bengali or a Nepali. Tomorrow he only will do a robbery. Are you a body builder? It doesn't make any difference. Go and tell him! Then you may go inside. - Come on. Catch him properly! Now throw him down! Boss! You have come at the right time to get your boat back! Hey wait! Come on. - Boss, said to leave. - Not outside. Come inside. Come inside. Come! Come, you clever person! What have you come to take from here? Greetings, sir. I have come to take the boat. - Boat? This is Gujarat. Gujarat! There is no boat here nor is there any bottle! Get out from here. Don't ruin me. I am a poor person. Then why are you talking in a lowertone and flattering me. Speak loudly! That day what did you tell me when.. ..I had come to take the money from you? In front of everyone. He said that he will shave my moustache and make me sit on.. ..a donkey and will make me roam in the entire village. Now shave my moustache and show. I don't remember.. Now, shave my moustache. Shave it! Hold it. - l didn't say that. Don't you remember? - No. Okay, let that be. You must at least be remembering what you told.. ..to my men when they had gone to ask for money. You had said that this is not Gujarat and that this area is yours! You even threatened to break their legs. You had said this, right? Didn't you say this or not? When did I say this? - No, you had said this. You had said it. That day when you were in the boat. That day you had said it. And you had also said that you would.. ..cut him into pieces and also feed it to the fishes. Boss, you had said it, right? He must have forgotten it. There is a lot of tension. Shut up! You jerk! Shut up! I didn't say that. I swear by my mother. I didn't. You must have definitely said it. I have full faith in you. You can't rest without talking ill about me. I swear by your mother.. - Hey! You point a fingerto my mother! Greetings, mother. See! You are not aware of the power of Gujaratis. If you have the guts then come into the wrestling ring.. ..wrestle it out, defeat anyone of us and take your boat back. This is a very good opportunity, sir. We will defeat a few and take the boat back. Hey! What are you whispering? If you have the guts then come. If I win then will I get the boat back? -Absolutely. And my money? - That loan l am willing to forego. - Forego? -Yes. Sure? - Sure. -You promise in front of everyone? -Yes Come on, come on. Mother, give me the blessing so that I can defeat your son. Give me the blessing. -Yes. Hail Goddess Durga! Finish them! Why is he coming back? This is wrong. This is wrong. I am not going to go ahead with this. Boss, what happened? He has worn the underwear. So what do you have to do with that? But I haven't worn it. You should have at least worn underwear at someone else's house. What to do? Even the underwear is with him. - How is that? I had kept the underwear on the boat to dry. The boat has gone and so has the underwear. So first we will ask forthe underwear then we will ask forthe boat. No, first the boat then underwear. Why? What happened? Have you got scared already? No, not like that. If something else goes wrong, then.. ..he doesn't have what is needed to save him. And Chauhan sir, don't think that we are.. cowards. No. My father and grandfathers.. were fighters. Yes! And in his family.. -All of them were warriors. -Yes. That's why he is going to fight instead of me. -Yes. How can I fight? Why? Aren't you a warrior? I am.. but I am not going to fight.. Hey, keep quiet, you dumb guy! He is right. - l can't fight with him. Fine then, you can fight with Sheetal. Sheetal! Now you will come to know. Sheetal! Sheetal! Sheetal! Sheetal! This is deceitful! What kind of names have you kept? You give a man a female name! This is unjust! I won't fight with him. Go! Sheetal! Sheetal! Sheetal! Sheetal! Catch him! Catch him! Catch that lizard! Catch him by the neck. -Yes, catch him. Tear him apart! And aftertearing him apart throw one.. ..piece in Surat and the other in Ahmedabad! Turn him around! Turn him around! No! No! Come here. He is dumb! He is dumb! Don't hit him. Leave him and catch him. Even I am dumb. Even I am dumb. Someone tell him. Okay, let him go. See, this was not a fight. - Then? - This was just a game for us. This was a game. -Yes, this was a game. Now the fight will start. Hit him! Hit him! -Wait. Wait! By hitting us or by capturing our boat will you get your money? So then what else should I do! Give me my boat back and I will sell it and repay your entire loan back. Seriously. - No! I don't trust you at all. If I give you your boat back then again you will disappear. - No! I can give you your boat back only on one condition. -What? If you mortgage something that you own. Now whatever I have is already mortgaged to you. To free that what else should I mortgage? That I don't know. I want something orthe other. Either house, land or wife. Oh God! Now where will I get a wife from? Sir, you don't trust me, right? - No. So till the time I don't come back I am mortgaging him. Okay? - He? Who is he? He.. he is my only nephew. I have raised him with a lot of love. I never used to keep him down, lest some snake should bite him. I never kept him over my head.. ..lest crows or vultures take him away. I have always kept him in my lap. On my lap. My dear nephew! Kanhaiya. I.. I cannot stay for a moment without you. What should I do? I don't have any other way. Till the time your uncle doesn't repay.. ..back the money you will have to stay here. Oh God! Boss! Boss! You can't stay even for a moment away from a poor man like me. Then how will you remain alive without your dearest nephew? Boss! Hey! Shut up! So.. you also can't bear his separation. Enough. So fine. Then even leave him here. -What? No, no. This can't happen. -Why? Because I can't be away from my boss. Bandya! -Yes. Bandya! -Yes. I will bearthe separation of yours, Bandya. I will bear it. Go! Boss! Seth-ji, I am taking my boat and going. But my dearest one and the not so.. ..dearest one I am leaving here and going. Saw! Did you see the result of taking on Chauhan? Yes, I saw. Children, take care of yourself. And I will come on the 2nd. Bandya! In every month there is a date forthe 2nd. Don't go. - l have given my word. - Then take it back. Take them and go. - Separate them from me. Be happy, dear! - l am taking my bag. The poor man is crying and going. - Let him, he will learn a lesson. Now he will come to know how cunning I am! I got rid of the dumb guy, the fool and also got my boat back. It will be better if you listen to me and do as I say. Or else? - lt will bad for me! I am the manager over here. NatwarJhunjhunwala! Whateveryou might say, he won't hear. How will he not hear? I will teach him a lesson. This is good! Tell me, Jabba! Jabba! Will you listen to me? Should I show you how hot blooded my hand is? This is absolutely cold. -Hey! I will show the both of you! To the both of you! Where are you going? You only said that you are showing something. I will give you only one.. Not one, they are 2. What is the matter? He was showing you all to us. - No, madam. These people haven't seen you all. No, no. We have seen. We have seen you completely. You jerk! I will kill you. Hey! What is this happening? Nothing is happening. Nothing. I was taking their size for new clothes. I have to make new clothes forthem. There is no need to make new clothes forthem. They are the servants forthis house. They are not the kids of your uncle. There are old clothes in the house. Give something from them. Get them inside. Amongst the both of you who knows to polish the shoes well? I don't know. He knows it very well. He is a pro at it. What is your name? - Bandya. -What, is it Dandiya? Bandya.. Bandya. - Okay, Dandya. Dandya, see. First you learn to polish shoes. Natwar! Get all the shoes of this house and give to him. Come, cobbler! If I would polish so many shoes on the footpath, I would have.. ..earned so much as to buy a boat in a week's time. Take this. These are a little old shoes. Use them for practice and know how to properly polish shoes. And we will give you new ones too. And some of the shoes are not at home since the people have gone out. When they come back, we will give you those too. Are you going to be a collector that you are studying? Do some work! No, no. This won't do. Each person has to do his own work. And that too within deadlines set. Or else one gets beaten up with dog-chains. Okay? is this how it is! Then I will finish the work within the time given. Finish this work quickly so that you can be given other work. Am I a genie from a bottle? Okay, tell me. Amongst both of you who knows to wash clothes properly? 'One more job. This I won't do it at all.' I wash clothes very well. He doesn't know it at all. I will teach him. No, no. Clothes are expensive. If the person who doesn't know to wash clothes does it.. ..then the clothes will tear. So? -You only will have to do this job. One day you will die coughing. Where is the place to wash clothes? Tell me one thing. Haven't the people over here washed their clothes since 2 years? Hey! Don't waste yourtime in futile things. Others are also getting their clothes. Let them get it! Let them get the clothes of the entire house. And also ask the neighbors to get their clothes. This is a cheap and good soap, right? That's why you are making me work so much. is this a skirt or some tent cloth? Hey you actor! - Call me Natwar! Tell me one thing. How many families stay in this house? 15 to 16 families. So why do you call it a house? Call it a district. Do your work. Or else I will hang you from the rope. Which demon does this 'Kurta' belong to? It belongs to our Master. This means there is a master demon too? Hey! Speak softly. They are nothing. He is the actual boss. Mangal Singh Chauhan. He has gone to Gujarat. He must be on his way. Come on! Come on! Come and have your meal! What? Dig? I am not going to dig! I also know a little bit of Gujarati. Don't you want to eat? -No! - No? - No! Then you go to hell! -You go to hell! Hey, go! You don't understand Gujarati. Go and dig. When you will do a lot of hard work, then you will come to know! Here I am having a tough time washing.. ..clothes and to top it all they want me to dig! I am a worker who works endlessly. Do you know what he meant? He was calling you to eat food. What? - Now you go and do your work. -What food? Yes, there is bean vegetable, bread and for sweets there is 'ghungra'. There is 'choli', 'sabzi' and what else? Bread. - Bread? And what is there for sweets? What do they call it in Gujarati? Ghungra. No, ghagra. Ghungra. I was thinking of something else. Now nothing can happen. This is the rule of this house that if one person refuses.. ..in this house forthe first time then he doesn't get food again. Oh God! What injustice is this? I do all the work and he eats the food. Now nothing can be possible? It is possible that after everyone finishes then whatever is left. I will tell them then they will call you. Do something. Do something. Hey! Get up! Go and wash clothes! He is wetting my pants. Hey! What are you doing? Have you gone mad? Suddenly I remembered my boss. That's why I lost my senses. Foolish! This is not your boss's clothes. This is the dress of master's only sister. If they even tear a little then master will not spare you. Hey! What do you want? I don't know Gujarati. That's why when they called me forfood I didn't go. Can I get a little food? -What? - Shoe? Shoe? Yes, I polished shoes long time back. And I have also washed the clothes. Can I get.. what did that guy tell me? Can I get ghagro (skirt) and choli (blouse)? -What? A blouse and a skirt? -Yes, a blouse and a skirt. Whose do you want? You give me. You give me. You shameless guy! You want my skirt and blouse? Yes, I want. Oh no! - lf you don't mind then I will take it myself. Uncle! Come soon! Come soon! Papa, come soon! What happened? He is saying that he wants my skirt and blouse. Yes, I want it. You give me. Give me. Hit him! Hit him! Definitely you must have done something. That's why you are in such a state. This is good that I reached at the right time. Or else they would beat you up.. ..and cooked you for dinner. Sit. -What kind of people are these? They only make me work from morning till evening. They don't even give food. He is also sitting here. Did you get the news? They beat me up very badly in the kitchen. Yes. Even there they beat me. Why are you crying? Now don't go anywhere. Yes. Sit here. Sit. You will get it here only. -What? Beating? - No, food. Take this. Take this plate. Give him. Which animals skin this is? This is bread. - How can I eat just this? I need something with this. Can I get pickle? Do you want 4 of them? -Yes. Take these 4. 1, 2. 3 and 4. What is this? Yuck! - 5 and 6. Did you wash your hands? Since 24 hours I have been washing clothes and that too with soap. And should I wash my hands forthis food? - Dirty guy! Can I get a saw to cut it? Thank God that today the bread is softer as compared to the other days. So are these those 2 fools who have come to work? The boys are good. Very hard working. Do they give only so much to eat? is it? So should we get you food from 5 star hotels? Eat quickly and get to work. No, no. I am not used to eating such strong and rigid food. Look at him. How quietly he is eating food! Give anything to him. He will eat it quietly. And if you tell him anything then he won't even listen. -Why? is he dumb and deaf? -Yes, he is dumb and deaf. But he is not proud of it at all. He is asking for buttermilk. - He is asking fortea. Yes, he is asking fortea. Whateveryou get, get 2 of them. is she the madam you were talking about? - No! She is also a madam. But above her there is one more madam. Like him. Why? Does she eat a lot? No. She can't speak. But she can hear. Shruti! Shruti! Shruti! Shruti, come with me. I have to show you something. Come with me for a minute. I want you to meet a man. Come. Come with me! See this. Neither he can hear nor speak. But it doesn't seem that he is either dumb or deaf. You fool! I am getting to eat animal skin, and that too you are not able to tolerate. I will kill you today. Wait! Wait, you scoundrel! Wait! Come here. Come here. Sir, please forgive me. I didn't see you. If you didn't see me then how did you aim right under my eye? No, no. I was hitting him. -Whom? - Him. This poor chap who is dumb. Wait! Wait! Now I will show you the fun. Wait! Hold this. Hold this! Now you hit him. And listen, it should hit him here only. Hit him! You dumb guy! I am your brother. Hey! Now hit me! Hit him! Whatever happens, it's always Mangal Mangal Mangal. Do you people also think about anything apart from Mangal? Mangal is not your elder brother. He is the son of your elder brother. I agree that he is the son of my elder brother. But he means more to me than my elder brother. Whatever he says will be the law in.. ..this house and everyone will have to follow it. Even you. Hey! Uncle! Wait! Stop all this! is this a place to play? Why? What happened? What if your legs break? - Then we will get it plastered. One can plasteryour leg, but I can't.. ..plasterthe tent if anything happens to it. All these things are mine. I can come here whenever I want. Understood? Hey! Go away! -Why should I go? Come on now, go! Cut carefully! They had asked you to cut plants. What are you cutting? If you are going to stand in front then it will get cut. Go away! What happened? - That is what I am asking. What is happening here? What do you want? If I have tied it then I only will take it away. Leave this. This I have tied. I am not talking about this. You very well know that and even the members of the family know.. ..that as soon as the marriage takes place I take it and go. Hey sir! What happened? Sir, I was saying that.. - He lengthened my tie. What did he tie? - He had tied it forthe marriage. For whose marriage? - Shruti madam's marriage. Okay! So he is Shruti's husband. - Hey! What nonsense are you talking? Will you get me killed? Wasn't he yelling and saying that he has tied it? What he meant that he has tied the.. ..tent of the marriage he hasn't married Shruti! -What? is this a tent? I thought this was a house? In your village do your houses look like this? Donkey! This is not a house. This is a palace. It was senior sir's orderthat the house should be decorated like a palace. It is Shruti madam's marriage, right? When is the marriage? The date of marriage has passed by. The day the marriage was there, that day it was broken. It is very sad that the marriage is broken on the marriage day itself. The marriage was broken in this wedding tent.. ..and in this tent only the marriage will take place. This promise was taken by Mangal in this tent itself. Without my consent who is he to have taken an oath in my tent? Will he take an oath by asking you? Don't talk too much! You are getting the rent, right? See sir, don't entrap me. I already have 2 to 3 marriages and a festival at a temple to handle. I have taken advance for all of them. I have to dismantle this tent from here and put it there. If you touch this tent then I will break your hands. Are you jesting or are you speaking the truth? I am speaking the truth. Then it is fine. Otherwise I don't like these kind of jokes. Yes! And yes, if that female never gets married.. ..then for God's sake don't tell me to.. ..leave this tent as a wedding memento for her. When Mangal brothertook an oath.. ..then every member of the house took an oath that till Shruti.. ..doesn't get married till then no one in the house will get married. Why won't they get married? That was good. Otherwise I wouldn't be capable of.. ..marriage by washing the marriage clothes. But I want this marriage to take place at any cost. Otherwise when will I get married? According to your age there is only one female who is worth foryou. That moustache guy's wife. But for heryou will have to get rid of that moustache guy! Hey! Stop talking nonsense! I like Rupa! Rupa! - Rupa? What is Rupa? Will you get married to a vest? Shut up! She is not a vest. She wears a skirt and a top. Who is in the kitchen making breads.. Who had got you beaten up! Hey! Stop talking nonsense. Make my drink! Don't yell! Don't yell! I am making. Don't talk. I think I am very high! That's why I can hear different kind of voices. Hey you shorty! Eitheryou drink or go to sleep! I will go to sleep. Hey! Go to sleep! What is going on? - Shut up, you dog! Go to sleep. Hey! Hey! There is no one over here to listen to me. I want to speak. Since so many months I haven't heard my own voice. is anyone there? UTV " The season is a slayer." " l hope that this disloyal heart doesn't get lost somewhere." " There is a huge dilemma." " l hope that this disloyal heart doesn't get lost somewhere." " Neither is there peace nor is there any tranquility." " For whom I am waiting for?" " For whom I am waiting for?" " The season is a slayer." " l hope that this disloyal heart doesn't get lost somewhere." " ln the laughter of the moon I must sway in it's moonlight." " l must sway in the captivating light." " ln the laughter of the moon I must sway in it's moonlight." " l must sway in the captivating light." " lf not in love.." So you can't speak but can sing! Stop it. Tell me why did you do this drama? I know how to get you speaking. Come on. Madam.. Where is he gone? - l am down here. At yourfeet. The fact is that I can speak and heartoo at times. I am a dumb guy of a different sort. To tell you the truth.. I have only one kidney. Then why are you dumb? is your kidney in your mouth? No.. the doctor said that I should not work. Or I might get a heart attack. So my uncle advised me to act dumb.. ..so as to escape work and also win some sympathy. Please let me stay here till my uncle returns with the money. You can't understand the pain of a guy with just one kidney. If anyone else comes to know this truth.. ..then I shall ensure that no Gujarati in this house gets to drink even water. What! ? And how will you do that? I will consume poison, jump into this well and kill myself. Ok, we are letting you off this time. But if anyone else in this house learns the truth about you.. ..then you will end up losing your other kidney too. Got it? Go now. What is it? Last night I dreamt of something. -What kind of dream? In the dream I saw that the three of us.. ..were sitting together and drinking alcohol. And this dumb guy spoke. Shut up, you dog! Didn't he say the same thing? -Yes. But how do you know.. ..what he was saying in my dream? You only said that all three of us were.. ..sitting together and drinking alcohol in the dream. Then even I will hear. Am I deaf? Yes! I am also so foolish! But in your dream.. - l understood. Understood. "lt has come. lt has come. The message has come". What message? - "The message has come. See this. Shruti dear's marriage has been fixed. Mangal has sent the fax. Shruti madam, your marriage has been fixed! - Hey! Softly! First we will take sweets and go and then we will tell her. Come on. - Come on. Yes, come. Shruti dear! Shruti dear! Whateveryou like from this take it. I have to give you good news. She is asking how much of our property have they asked in dowry? Don't worry about that, dear. That Mangal will handle. Here. Have the sweet. Take it, dear. They have asked for 2 Ahmedabad.. So this is clearthat they don't want Shruti but they want her wealth. So what is wrong in that? The tradition of dowry is on since ages. It's not a new thing. Once they get the property then she will be just a burden. And Shruti doesn't want to be a burden. Because of this reason should we make.. ..Shruti madam sit at home throughout her life. Mangal must have thought of something.. ..and given consent forthe marriage, right? Correct! Mangal won't take any decision without thinking. He has only lived his entire life foryou. Shruti, you must agree to your brother. Why don't you all understand? She doesn't like all this. See, we all know that whatever decision.. ..Mangal takes only that happens in this house. Then it is betterfor all of us to agree to what he says. Shruti! Hey! What is this? is this the time to cry? Come on! Now your marriage has not taken place, right? Come on. Get up! Get up! Me? And talk to your brother? Have I lost my senses? Let anyone tell him anything but he won't understand. Everyone knows that his love foryou.. ..has increased so much that he has gone mad. Hey! But you don't worry. Your brother won't come to know. ..and even this marriage will not work out. I have a plan forthat. Hey! Come here! Tell me. What is it? What kind of clothes have you worn? This.. this is that body builder's 'kurta'. I wear it as a nightdress. Why did you call me? - Take this. Why are you showing yourteeth? I.. that.. I don't accept love letters. I feel shy. I will hit you one! Talks of love letters. Take this! What is this? - lt is written in Hindi. - That even I understand. I am Shruti's lover.. It is a message. -We have to send it across to Gujarat. But I don't have so much time with.. ..me that I will give it till Gujarat and come. You don't need to go to Gujarat. Just once if your voice reaches Gujarat. That is enough. Take this. - My voice.. Not this voice. Read it in your original voice. Hello, I am Jaichand Rathod. Who are you? Some Jaichand Rathod is there. You speak. You read. - Okay. - Read. Hello. I am Shruti's lover speaking. Okay? - Speak properly. We are in love since 2 years. We can't live without each other. And whoever comes in between and tries to marry Shruti then.. ..you will get to see both our dead bodies on the wedding dais. Did you understand? -What! Hey you loud mouth! Will you wake up everyone? Sorry. Who is he? He is Shruti's to-be husband. Okay. So what did I tell him? That you and Shruti are lovers. - ls it? And you both are having an affair since 2 years. And both of you can't live without each other. - ls it? And if Jaichand and Shruti get married to each otherthen he.. ..will find both of your dead bodies on this wedding dais. What! Then their marriage will be broken. Yes, of course it will be broken. And only you will be responsible forthis. Hey see! This is a sin. Now stop all this here itself! Because if anyone gets to know that you can speak then you will be.. Hey! Listen! Me? No one is there. Have you sent this message? In our place we don't get message but Gujarati news. No, no. I am talking about love messages not about newspaper. What are you talking about? I know about Chocobar, Beer Bar, Birbal Akbar. I don't know about what you are saying! See, if you want to write a love letter.. ..then write in the language that I will understand. What? I mean that now I will read this. You explain me the meaning of this. Okay? It is the cooker! In the light. I am Shruti's lover speaking. We are in love since 2 years. We can't live without each other. And whoever comes in between and tries to.. What did you say, you donkey! Hey! Where are you running with the letter! Wait! Hey, Kanhaiya! I am saying wait! Give it to me back or else I won't spare you! That is my love letter. Forthe first time someone has written it to me. Hey, return that back! That is.. Kanhaiya! Who are you? Who are you! Why did you do like this? Brother, you don't hit him. Please! Who asked you to do this? Tell me! Tell me or else I will kill you! Tell me! Mangal ! Mangal! - Uncle, you don't come in between. Listen to me. This scoundrel had called up! He has broken my sister's marriage. - No! He only had said that.. - Listen to me! He cannot speak. He is dumb. He is dumb like our Shruti. In the night someone threw this letter on me. He snatched this and he was running away to tease me. They broke the marriage because of an anonymous phone call. It doesn't matter if they believed in the phone call. If we transfer our export and travel agency business on their.. ..name then they are willing to marry that day itself. So.. then have you agreed to their conditions? Yes, I did. I said that I would give whateverthey asked. Except my sister. What do those people think? is my sister a burden on me? Whom I will just throw away like that! I am not worried about the money. I want that you should get such a guy.. ..who should love you and not your wealth. Wherever he might be in the world I will find him and get him. And whatever he asks for l will give him that. Even my life. - Mangal! Why do you worry, Mangal? I had made that wedding dais for her marriage. Only on that wedding dais her marriage will take place. Yes, uncle. Forgive me. I didn't know that the situations would become like this. But I knew. After getting the first blow from that body builder l understood. That I am going to be in this state. Now it is not advisable foryou to stay here. You must go away from here tonight itself. I should go away? Where to? Anywhere. lf you want money then I will give you. How much will you give me? Will 500 do? -What! 500? That body builder hit me at least 400 to 500 punches like Jackie Chan. And forthat only 500? Even if a cycle guy hits you, one gets more than 500. So how much do you want to get from here? 13,90,000. - That's all! Just so little? This is very little. Oh! is it like that? If.. I give you 15 lakhs then? -What! Then the deal is final. Absolutely final. Hey! Don't try to act too smart! If brother comes to know that you can speak then he.. ..will beat you up not like Jackie Chan but like Mike Tyson. That's why I am telling you to disappearfrom here. Understood? Tomorrow morning I should not see you here! Hey smarty! Wait! What do you think of yourself? You are threatening me? That letter which you have written is still in that body builder's hand. And here everyone knows that I have just come a few days back. I don't know Gujarati. And why will I be interested in breaking her marriage? Am I her lover? - Hey! - Hey, you! Don't show yourtemper! To prove that the handwriting in the letter is yours ljust have.. ..to tell them to match your handwriting with the letter. Afterthat you only answerthem. If I get angry l will also tell them that you were jealous since.. ..they were thinking only of her marriage and not of yours. And then they will even start doubting that it was.. ..because of you that the earlier marriage had broken. And by mistake if I open my mouth then you will be doomed! Good night! Gundya-bhau, stop! -Why should I stop? I have come here to battle it out. Battle? - That scoundrel, hits my nephew? That fool! Gundya, don't be a goon. If they come to know that I have told.. ..you then I will have to lose out on my job. Just let go of this job of his! I will give you a job. Come to my boat from tomorrow. What work will I do on the boat? I will transform you into a scary person and insert an iron.. ..rod into you then even the crows won't trouble the fishes. You all have hit my nephew, right? Till the time this matter doesn't get.. ..solved I am not going to go from here. No, no. Go! Come out! - He has come. -You Gujarati! You Gujarati! See, Gundya brother, we committed a mistake. You committed a mistake? is this an answer? You hit a dumb and deaf person so.. ..ruthlessly and you say that it was just a mistake. Calm down! - Remove your hand! See, you do one thing. Take your nephew with you. Give me the money later. No! You had given your word. Now stick by it! Now don't change colors like a chameleon. What did you say? That till the time I don't return your.. ..money you are not going to leave them. Did you say that or not? So then till the time I don't give you.. ..the money, don't leave him and I don't even want him. Listen to me.. - Hey! Don't come in between our discussion. Yes! My money matter is different. Understood? But this.. that you hit him so badly. Settle those scores! Softly, softly. Mangal is inside. - l am not afraid of any Mangal (Mars) and Shani (Saturn)! And I am also the son of Kharwar! When any fisherman's son cries then.. ..do you know what the mother says to him? Go to sleep, go to sleep. Or else Gundya will come. Go to sleep! I have heard this a lot of times! Saw even he has heard about it. Call your Mangal or whoever it is! I won't even spare him! Call him! Scoundrel! Hey, I told you not to touch me. Didn't I tell you! Whatever happened, it happened unknowingly. - l understood, sir. Whatever I did was a mistake. I have already atoned for it. Call him! - Kanhaiya! I have put him on a job. 20,000 salary. is that fine? If you open your mouth the next time then.. 20,000. Take care of it. Don't let it go anywhere. Okay? I.. will come on the 1st and will take this and go. Okay? Yes. Okay! Thief! You want to steal the iron? No, no. If they catch me with this then they will make me a Jabba like you. Iron will disappear! I have lost 18 crores in the soap business. See, no one should come to know about this. - Okay. Did you get the money? - No, I didn't get it. Then for what have you come here with a sad face? You are useless of the first order! Can't you get the money back? When I had given him the responsibility.. ..to get the money back from the people of this village then only.. ..I had understood that this company would get doomed. By hiding it from Mangal, very sneakily I give you so much money. And you are ruining me only. What should I tell you, Seth-ji? That boy named Jeetu was so cunning that everyone fell into his trap. And even I fell into it. But money has gone, right! You were saying that he died by drowning.. ..in the water and you will get the money from insurance. What happened of that? His father is saying that his body hasn't been found yet. So that's why the insurance people are not giving the money yet. Lie! His father is talking nonsense! His father must have taken away all the money! Go and catch his father's throat and.. ..afterthat we will get our money back quickly. It is not a big deal to catch his throat. The people have made his condition worse than this. They removed his loincloth in the middle of the market. They have thrown stones at the house. Now the people are saying that now if he doesn't.. ..return the money then they will burn his house. This is the right thing! This is how you get your money back! This is how a person gets his money back! This is a true Indian. Have you got the accounts? -Yes, here are the accounts. Here it is. One minute. This Jeet guy has really made my life miserable to live. Sir! You, the person who is wearing a loincloth! Listen! I am Prabhat Singh Chauhan's daughter. Meenakshi. Do you know any guy called Jeet? Yes, what happened? - Do you know him well? I know him very well. He was a fraud of the first order! He used to take the money and disappear. Now since he is dead. Even his body is deceiving us. Even that has disappeared. Till we don't find his dead body I can't even sleep peacefully. Do you have any photograph of his? Wherever we might find his dead body.. ..to recognize it as a proof I always keep his photo with me. Look at this. He has betrayed the entire village. He is not worthy of any trust. He is just telling lies one afterthe other. And he is not related to Gundya- bhau. His father is the head master of a school. And he hasn't even spared him! Because of him it has become difficult fortheir entire family to live. 'What are you doing? ' 'lf you don't pay the money on time then this only will happen! ' 'Leave me! ' Wheneverthere is an urgent work office.. ..people take an off on that day itself! If this money doesn't reach Mehta sir.. ..till 5 o'clock in the evening then it will be horrendous. Look this money. 5 o'clock. 5 o'clock. Mehta sir.. Mehta. Cap. It should reach him. Or else everything will go wrong. Understood? Hey! I learnt it. It is very easy. Take this. Count it quickly. Check whether it is right. And come. Brother, father hasn't come till now. We will find him. You all don't worry. Uncle will come. They have taken a lot of money and gone. And along with them that boy is also there. That Gundya-bhau's nephew, if he does something then.. - No. That boy can't do anything of that sort. I know he is a fraud of the first order. He will definitely betray us. And he can do anything for money, brother. Anything. I know that's why I am telling you. Do something quick. Please! Tell us! Since when he is here? What? After he has gone from here has someone called here? - No. We have looked forthem at a lot of places. But till now we have no news of them. There is a message from the station, sir. Sir, we have arrested him. But he is not saying anything. We have found that person. But he is not saying anything when he is being asked. When I go and slap him only then will he start speaking. Come on! Father.. father.. what happened to you? -What happened? Uncle. - How did this happen? Nothing. Nothing. Don't worry. Are you okay? - Don't worry. I am fine. We had met with a small accident. Good that Kanhaiya was with me. He saved me. He took me to the hospital. Then whom we had to give the money.. ..to he gave the money and came too. And afterthat he went to take medicines. But he didn't come back afterthat. Did he come here? When you didn't come back then I thought that.. That I really ran away with the money. TeacherJaidev Prasad's son has learnt everything. But he didn't learn to rob. And nor do I know to betray anyone. If I knew then I wouldn't be in this state today. Before people burn my house down.. I will have to go there. Because they will get the insurance money only.. ..when my dead body will reach there. But I can't even walk and go there myself. Someone will have to lift me.. I mean my dead body. This was my second birth. Without saying or hearing anything. I was just going on living. But now the time has come to end even this birth. Burn them. And this.. what is this account? This account.. is the account of fishing finance company. 35 lakhs is our investment then how.. ..have we suffered losses of 36 lakhs? See we gave 35 lakhs to people on loan. And to get the money back we had to spend 1 lakh. Actually the thing is that in orderto get.. ..the money back I had go to the hospital many times. And I am counting all that and telling you. Oh no! I feel before Mangal gets to know about.. ..this I will have shut all the businesses. No problem. We will inform Mangal brother. And not only about these losses. But we will also tell him about all the losses of this year. What! Yes. And how much do you have to take from Sharma-ji? Sharma! Who is Sharma? What is Sharma? Where is Sharma from? Tell me, do you know any Sharma? Yes.. yes. No, no. Which Sharma? See, he himself doesn't know Sharma. I don't know Sharma. So then.. then how do you all know Sharma? What are you all talking? is it? Then ask all that from Mangal brother. Girls! Girls! Listen to me. See, dear. Don't tell anything to Mangal brother. That.. whateveryou will tell me I will give you that. I don't want anything. First stop all these futile businesses. And think something big. I will. Do you know why does Mangal brother's every business run so well? Because he starts every business of his from Shruti's hands. That's why listen to me, father. And get your new finance company inaugurated by Shruti's hands. But.. how is that? Listen to me carefully. Right now you give Shruti 13,90,000. And next year she will return you all that money with interest. Give it. Give it. Give the money. As it is we give the money to outsiders and run into losses, right? This time we will give herthe chance. And if there will be a loss, then it will be at home only. Hey Bandya! - l didn't know that I look so handsome. What do you have to say? - Shut up! We haven't called you here to see how handsome you are. Come here. And keep the bag down. And whatever we said you understood, right? -Yes. What did you understand? - To keep the bag down. I will give you one! This is not a joke! This is a job of great responsibility. Of what? To keep the bag down? Now tell me. What is the first thing that you will do? First I will board the village's bus. Then I will give the conductor 100 rupees. I will buy a ticket worth 92 rupees. Then? - Then I will take the remaining change back. Oh! Then? - Then I will get down at the bus stop. And after getting down I will ask forthe house of Javed Prasad. Not Javed Prasad. lt's Jaidev Prasad. Yes, that's fine. The remaining work I will get done with it quickly. How is that? I have written down everything in a paper and kept it in my pocket. Yes, what is the name of the teacher's son? The dead Jeetu. You don't need to say that he is dead. Just say Jeetu. That is enough. - lf it is enough then it is fine. Who are you? - Bandya. - How are you related to Jeetu! I am dead Jeetu's very close friend. Tell me one thing. How does this dead Jeetu look like? -Why? What do you have to do? No, if I meet him on the way then I will give him the bag. What is the need to go so far? Now are you going or not? - Fine. I will go. Hey! Take the bag and go at least. Oh! This bag is very forgetful. Wherever I keep it, it stays there only. Come on straight! And listen! -Yes. Don't come back afteryou give the bag like a tamed dog. How much ever information you can.. ..gather about Jeetu get that and come. Come out! Hey, come out! Give my money! Move aside! Move aside! Don't spare him! Shut up! What is this? Give money! Give money! is this the house of Jeet who is dead? Yes, it is. What is the matter? Amongst all of you who is the father of Jeet who is dead? Why? What is the matter? So you are Jaidev Prasad? -Yes. What do you want? The boss of All and Soul company has sent me. That means the partner of Jeet who is dead. It is the matter of money, is it? -Yes, yes. How do you know? Then you also go and stand in the crowd. They all have gathered to burn this house. -What! To burn the house? -Yes, go and stand with all of them. And afterthat all of you together burn us. If that repays all of your loans then it is fine. But the truth is that I don't have even a single penny to give you all. And I don't even have the courage to commit suicide. You all may do you as wish. Go! You get down! Get down! Early in the morning you have come with a bag to ask for money. And why have you got such a small bag. Why haven't you got a big truck? Hey you! Go now! Like you even we have come to take our money. We are no fools! I have not come to take money but to give it. lt is in this bag. What! - He says that there is money in the bag. What did you say? - That I have come to give the money. To whom? - To you. You mean to say that you have come to give him money. Was I speaking in Chinese till now? No, I heard something else. Actually Master-ji, the company ran into losses. Still it is making profit. So the share of profit that belongs to Jeet who is dead that is in this bag. How much is it? I don't know how much is it? I was asked to deliverthe bag here. So then open it, you fool! Why are you standing? Open it! Let's see. What was the need foryou to do all this? She said to send it. So I sent it. Whenever I was in trouble, I used to remember God. I used to wish for a lot of things. But he never listened to me. Then I started feeling that he doesn't exist. But today I saw him. Just give me your consent to thank you. Greetings. Mohan.. this is Mohan Rao-ji's house, right? Yes. Why? I was thinking of seeing him once and going away. I am Mohan Rao. You have seen me. Now go away. - Okay. Thank you. What is it? Jeetu who is dead, I am his very close friend. -What? I mean that I am a close friend to dead Jeetu. -What? I mean I was. I mean.. I am.. I am. What are you talking? You fool, have you gone mad? What work do you have? People say that this is the house of that girl Pooja whose.. ..marriage was to take place with the Jeetu who is now dead. Shut up! I warn you from taking his name in the house! Okay. Fine. I will not take his name. Can I meet her? - She doesn't stay here! If you want to meet herthen go to her husband's house. Husband's house? -Yes, husband! Husband! Husband! What nonsense! And anything else? Now if you ask even anything else about him then.. Go from here! Oh God! Hey! This is him! Who is he? What did you ask? Who is he? How are you related to Jeetu? So you don't know who he is? I will explain you now itself! You scoundrel! You demon! The bone of a fish! You betrayer! You have maintained yourfriendship very well! You deceived me so much! Jerk, I saved your life then you could have at least told me something. Tell me one thing. I want to hearyou speak. And remember one thing. If I can save your life then I can even make you speak. Speak up, you jerk! Speak up! Please forgive me, buddy. Okay, now listen. Now listen. One second. - This is not fair. Just understand my problem. What is all this happening? I have found out everything. I have used my brains and found out everything. He can speak. - Fine. Leave all this. - l have left it. Do you want to use my brain and find out about anything? -Yes. Along with your brains use a little of soap too. The clothes are kept outside, go and wash them and come. Then what? Husband! What kind of husband! He said that and spat. One thing is clearthat the relations between.. ..the father-in-law and the son-in-law aren't pleasant. Uncle is very hot-tempered. Okay, this is good that Pooja has got married. Even I used to pray forthe same thing. That wherever she is she must be happy. That is enough for me. Have you seen her husband's photograph? Photograph? The pain of seeing one photograph hasn't gone yet. You keep quiet, you dumb guy! I am finding yourfriendship very difficult to handle. Hello! She is asking that now all your difficulties have been solved. Then why don't you go to your village and meet everyone and come? No. Pooja has always waited for me to marry her. I have done a lot of injustice to her. Now I don't want to do any more injustice. She is married today because she thought that I was dead. If I go back and she sees that I am.. ..alive then she won't be able to tolerate it. Her settled life will get ruined. That's why I have decided that I will never go back to the village. Never. So have you decided to stay here only? Yes. I am thinking that I will learn a.. ..little bit of Gujarati and stay here only with you all. is it? So do you have so much guts? -Yes. So should I get her married to you? -Yes. I am telling the truth. She really likes you a lot. Do you like her or not? No, no. No, no. Tell me whetheryou like her? - No, no. That means you don't like her? No, it is not that I don't like her. I like her. - Okay. So this is Romeo's innerfeelings! That smart Charlie! No, not like that. You all were joking so even I was joking. I am not going to get trapped easily. Hey! Have you become blind along with being dumb and deaf? Sorry, buddy! I didn't see it. Now will yourfather wash these clothes? It was just a mistake. - l will kill you. Sorry. Whatever loan my son had taken has been repaid. He fulfilled all the promises he had made. He couldn't fulfill one wish, which he had made to you. No what will you do by staying here? In front of you your entire life is there. It is just the matter of one 'Mangalsutra'.. ..which he didn't tie around my neck. But I was always meant for him. Since childhood. Bygones are bygones. Forget everything. It is not that I haven't tried. But it is just not possible. From this body my soul can go away but not Jeet's memories. Dear, you have the right to live your life. At least give me so much right to live as Jeet's widow. This is where my happiness lies of being Jeet's widow. Are you teasing me? It has fallen.. it has fallen. It has fallen.. it has fallen. This heart has fallen in love with you. Oh beloved! Oh beloved! You have written it very well. But for whom is it? For me? Good. I have at least helped you in writing your poetry. By the way, how come this became your hobby suddenly? Deer? No. Listen.. Was she calling me a monkey? No, no. What is it? If I show you something then will you tell me what it is? What do you want to show? One I will give you! After getting beaten up so many times.. ..you haven't come on the right track. If you do this act again then you will get beaten up badly. Rememberthat! The fool! UTV It has fallen.. it has fallen. This heart has fallen in love with you. Oh beloved! Oh beloved! I have been captivated.. I have been captivated. Your allure has captivated me. Oh beloved! Oh beloved! When I saw you forthe first time. I lost my senses and I didn't know where l was. It has fallen.. it has fallen. This heart has fallen in love with you. Oh beloved! Oh beloved! I have been captivated.. I have been captivated. Your allure has captivated me. Oh beloved! Oh beloved! I had neverthought that this would happen one day. I will find the lover of my dreams. Now even thorns seem like flower buds to me. This desire has come in my heart. It has fallen.. it has fallen. This heart has fallen in love with you. Oh beloved! Oh beloved! What effect have the desires had on me? Wherever I see, I see only you, beloved. My silence has become a language in its own. My fervor has now become a saga. It has fallen.. it has fallen. This heart has fallen in love with you. Oh beloved! Oh beloved! I have been captivated.. I have been captivated. Your allure has captivated me. Oh beloved! Oh beloved! So you don't know anything? I know that in Shruti's heart there is something for him.. But Shruti hasn't done anything wrong. I know my dear one! How is he related to Gundya-bhau? He.. is his nephew. How many years is he with you? From 30 years he is with me. Then what must be his age? - He must be 25 to 26 years. Not more than that. The calculations are not right, Gundya. I.. I got scared. Whenever I get scared the accounts get messed up. But why are we arguing with his age? How much do you want it to be? We will keep it that much. That will be fine, right? You just tell me the figure. I want to know everything about him. About his parents, about his family. No, don't ask me about that. I can't even say anything about that. I am only everything to him. His parents, everything. Did he do anything wrong? Gundya, you know my sister very well. Many alliances come for her but all are just after her wealth. Afterthey get the wealth she will just be a burden forthem. I want that she should get married to a boy who is like her. So that none of them should be a burden to each other. They should live happily. Can you.. help me? You are right. But where will you find such a boy? And I don't know any other Gujarati apart from you. Do you have any boy in mind? -Yes. But he is not a Gujarati. He is your nephew. Will you give him to me? And anyways l don't believe in Hindi.. ..Marathi, Gujarati, Bengali discrimination. You mean.. marriage. Think of it. Then let me know. Who are they to fix my marriage without asking me? Your uncle. - He must be your uncle. It is my marriage. I should at least be asked. If they ask you then you won't be able to hear it. And if you hear it then you can't even speak. - So! So then all of us together took the decision. - Bandya! You are not understanding the situation. What is there to understand in this? If you keep quiet then you will get married. And if you open your mouth then you will automatically die. Now amongst these which condition do you want? That you decide! - Bandya, listen to me.. You don't need to think. This can never happen. This relation is not worthy for us! Who knows from where he has come! After waiting for such a long time, you.. ..have found 'this' guy foryour dear sister? I wanted someone who understands and loves her. I didn't think of anything beyond that. Only love is not everything. She has to live too. She can't speak. And the person who is supposed to.. ..marry her he can neither speak nor hear. Then how will they live? I can speak, right? So I will speak forthem. I have ears so they will listen forthem. Are you out of your mind? Till now if anyone used to commit a.. ..mistake then you used to punish them! And everyone else used to accept it. Even me. And today you are going to commit a mistake. You will repent! Remember what I said! You will really repent a lot! I will repent, uncle. But without any complaint. All of this wealth is yours, uncle. I will give it to you. I will go away empty handed. But I only want that my sister's marriage.. ..should take place in this wedding tent itself. What? What did you say? What.. did you say? You will leave all this property, which.. ..you have earned yourself just like that! What is the use of all this property? Does anything else make a difference to my life apart from you? Ijust want that we should not get betrayed in this. My daughter should not be betrayed. No, uncle. I am very sure that he will not betray us. Brother! I am not worthy of calling you a brother. Brother, till now I wasn't saying anything nor was I hearing anything. But this was my helplessness, brother. Uncle, this was my helplessness. Helplessness? In helplessness only a person can do this evil act. He betrays.. he lies.. he robs. Do you know the consequences of messing with us? Hit him! Hit him! Wait! Leave him! Wait! Now did you get to see his true colors? Now also if you want to get your sister married to him then go ahead. Scoundrel! When my sister said that she likes you.. ..then I was waiting to hear you call me a brother. But now I am hearing the same word from a betrayer's mouth. Why did you do this? Why! Forgive me, brother. I should forgive you! I am ready to forgive you for deceiving me. But I can neverforgive you for jesting with and deceiving my sister. Henceforth you will not say anything. Move aside! You will never say anything. Enough! I can bear everything but I cannot bear of being accused to be a betrayer. Your sister knows everything about me! I have not hidden anything from her. In fact how much she knows about me.. ..that much no one in this world knows about me. If you are right and if she also is betraying me like you. Then from today onwards I will not have a sister. No, brother. You will not do anything to her. There is no fault of hers in this, brother. Today you will have to hear the entire truth. Shruti! What were you doing? It is not yourfault in this. Dear, we wipe the tears of every person coming at our doorstep. You also were doing the same thing. See.. see everything will happen the way you want. No happiness is biggerfor me in this world apart from yours. No, dear. Don't cry. Dear, Jeet has told us everything. He is a very nice person. We have full trust on him. Till today you must have lied so many times. But at the end you also said the truth. I know that this is reality. But from today onwards you will have.. ..to forget your past and live with us. No one else will have any right on you. -Yes. If you agree to what I say then you.. ..will have to promise me one more thing. That you will never leave Shruti and go. You will always be with her forthe entire life. If you are sure in your intentions only then take this oath. I will never leave this house and Shruti till I die. This is my promise. " This heart has fallen for it!" " This heart has fallen for it!" " This heart has fallen for it." " Forthe discourses of your love." " Forthe desire of your love." " Forthe boundaries of your love." " This heart has fallen for it." " This heart has fallen for it." " This heart has fallen for it." " This heart has fallen for it." " Forthe celebrations of your love." " Forthe discussions of your love." " Forthe zeal of your love." " This heart has fallen for it." " This heart has fallen for it." " This heart has fallen for it." " This heart has fallen for it." " Oh my beloved!" " Listen to what the heart has to say." " My heart has fallen foryou.. foryou." " This heart has fallen for it." " This heart has fallen for it." " Forthe discourses of your love." " Forthe desire of your love." " Forthe boundaries of your love." " This heart has fallen for it." " Forthe celebrations of your love." " Forthe discussions of your love." " Forthe zeal of your love." " This heart has fallen for it." " This heart has fallen for it." " The style of the love between us is very charismatic." " Over here neither anyone is like you nor anywhere else too." " All through the day and night I am lost in yourthoughts." " Now what is life without you, beloved." " Oh my beloved!" " Listen to what the heart has to say." " My heart has fallen foryou.. foryou." " This heart has fallen for it." " The intoxication of madness has captivated me like this." " That I can't see anything else apart from you." " Now every moment ljust wish foryou." " You are there in my breaths and in all the fragrances." " Oh my beloved!" " Listen to what the heart has to say." " My heart has fallen foryou.. foryou." " This heart has fallen for it." " This heart has fallen for it." " Forthe discourses of your love." " Forthe desire of your love." " Forthe boundaries of your love." " This heart has fallen for it." " This heart has fallen for it." " Come on, dance!" UTV Greet me! Greet me! I am not just that Gundya sir. I am your boss's to be relative now. What? Relative! - Greetings, sir. Yes, now say that Gundya sir, come inside. Gundya sir, come inside. Yes! This jerk who is kept by that moustache guy! "The moustache guy is on the other side". "Take me that side." Boss! Boss! Leave my hand! - Don't go inside. Go back! Go back! Once if Gundya sir puts his foot forward he nevertakes it back. Understood? If you step even one foot forward then you won't have any legs left. Don't go inside. Wash the clothes! Wash then! I am going to meet my son and my relative inside. Not son, nephew. He was my nephew. Now I have adopted him. From whom have you adopted him? - From me. I was his uncle, right? -Yes. So I adopted him from me only. So I became the fatherthen, right? Oh God! Boss, don't go inside. Who are you to stop me! Move aside! Boss, 'he' spoke. -Who spoke? See.. see. One minute. What did you say? - l didn't say anything. He said that he didn't say anything. Then why did you tell me that he said something? I didn't say that he spoke. Then what did you say? - l said that 'he' spoke. But when I asked him if he spoke.. ..then you said that he didn't say anything. Yes, he didn't say. -And you told me that he said. I didn't say that he spoke. I said that 'he' spoke. Hold this. -Yes. You will die! You will die today. See who has come? Come, come, Gundya. We were waiting just foryou. See what have I got. I have got 'Khakara', 'Jalebi', 'Gathiya', 'Barfi', 'Halwa' and 'Mohanthal'. This is foryou. Have these fried snacks. And I have got coconut and sweets. Didn't you get sweets made form fenugreek? No, that I didn't get that. - Not a problem. That we shall give you. Sure. You will make me eat with your own hands. Will you meet your nephew? Yes, call him. - Kanhaiya! Your dear uncle has come. - Dearest uncle! Kanhaiya! - How are you related to him? - l am his uncle. But he won't understand that in this language. You will have to explain him in his language. Tea.. so uncle. Understood? -Yes. You are my uncle. Did I hear anything? -Yes. How are you, uncle? Hey.. hey. You can speak. - Hey! What? My nephew has started speaking. My nephew has spoken forthe first time. Say. Say something. Say again forthe first time. Uncle, this is not the first time. I can hear and speak from before only. He is saying a lie! He is dumb. I swear by my mother. He.. is making you a fool. He is acting as if he can speak. Tell Seth-ji the truth. Say that you are dumb. I have already told them the truth. That I am not dumb or deaf. And I also told them that you brought me from the ocean. Now do you have to say anything? Whose bone breaking noise was it? It has not broken yet. It is going to be broken. Eat all of this and finish it. Then Mangal will decide what is to be done with you. Don't do anything to me. I am saying the truth. I didn't know that this dumb guy speaks. Really! How is he your nephew? You know that I am an Indian. And all Indians are my brothers and sisters. So he is the son of one of my brothers. So then he is my nephew. In our India this happens. I don't know how it is in Gujarat. I don't know. is this so? Whatever be the case! Since you have got him here so we forego your loan. What about the interest? - That also I forego. That also you don't need to pay! See, whatever I did I did that since I was helpless. Okay? But yourfuture now is very good. Though I am fake, but don't forget this uncle of yours. Today whatever I am is because of you and Bandya. I will neverforget this. I will never forget this till I die. Give this to Jeet's house. There is enough money in this because.. ..of which his family can live happily fortheir entire life. I want that they should bless him. They should remember him with a lot of affection. Do you want to tell anything to yourfamily? There is no need to tell anything to my family. You know everything. I don't want anyone to come here tomorrow and claim that I am their son. Okay, let's go. No, we don't want this money. Just think that Jeet himself has sent this foryou. And even Jeet has a share in what we earned in the business. You only say what should we do? You are right. We don't need this money. What will we do with them? Who is she? She is.. she is.. Jeet's.. What of Jeet? She is Jeet's widow. Pooja? Yes. How do you know? Jeet had told me. -What did he tell you about me? That he likes me? You go inside, dear. You knew Jeet very well, is it? Not very well, but from the heart. I wish I had known his heart. Then this situation would never have come today. All this is destiny's game plan. We also can pacify ourselves with that. Keep this money. And get this female married. And Master-ji, I even tell you that if you have a little love.. ..left forJeet then spend the rest of your life happily. Okay? So what if he died. See he is at least at a good position today. At least you should be happy about this? I said it so many times. But no one believed me. He can be very far but still I can hear his heart beat. Since past so many days I was feeling.. ..that my son is not dead he is alive. Sit! UTV " Sway and turn around.. sway and turn around.. just sway!" " Sway and turn around.. sway and turn around.. just sway!" " Sway and turn around. Sway and turn around." " By swaying and whirling." " My beloved has taken my heart and gone." " Sway and turn around.. sway and turn around.. just sway!" " First he got my heart beating." " Then very secretly he stole my tranquility." " First he got my heart beating." " Then very secretly he stole my tranquility." " By swaying and whirling." " My beloved has taken my heart and gone." " The eyes met first." " Then they felt shy." " Then it felt as if our breaths have stopped." "l don't know anything." "l don't know how this saga unfolded." "lt's the effect of your magic that I have started quivering." "l didn't care about myself, that's the state it left me in." "By swaying and whirling." "My beloved has taken my heart and gone." " Sway and turn around.. sway and turn around.. just sway!" " l don't know why my heart has become restless." " The desires of the heart have started increasing." " What has started to happen to me?" " l seem to have lost my tranquility!" " l don't know what all I think." " l am awake all night." " My maddening feelings." " ljust get herthoughts in mind." " By swaying and whirling." Yang Ah? Yang Ah? Why? He went directly to her. You punk, why didn't you say so? ! Yang Ah... You guys go to your room. What did we do wrong? Our room's a mess. How do we go inside? Hey! Just go. Why are you here? Did you want to see how they ruined our house? Yang Ah... What is this? ! What is this? ! I'm sorry. Why? For what? You didn't do this. What are you so sorry about? I said I was sorry! Why do I have to go through something like this? ! What did I do wrong? ! Because I hung out with a gangster. Yeah, that must be it. That's what I did wrong! They're doing this because I don't want to be a gangster anymore. What am I supposed to do? That's why a gangster is supposed to be gangster. Whether you do it or not, a gangster is a gangster. You're making life miserable. That's why you're a gangster! Stop it! I'll fix your house! Is it all your choice? Do you get to break and fix things whenever you want? ! Do you think fixing the house will make it alright again? ! Don't make gangsters come here again. I mean it. Gi Dong! Hey. How have you been? You look well. It's my first time here... How are you doing? I heard about your wife. Oh... Stay strong. Just tell me if you're having a hard time. Thanks. I actually have a favor to ask you. I need a place to work. You're well settled and have lots of connections. So is there anyplace you could introduce me to? I'll look for one. But because of your age and work experience, it's going to be hard. You're asking at other places right? Yeah, I will. I'm sorry for asking you to do this sort of favor. I'm really sorry. Dal Gun, your house is nice but it's too old and dirty, so I cleaned it up. Did it make you feel bad? No, hyung-nim. It's now that I understand what you want me to do. You want me to start being a gangster again. Yeah. So tomorrow, I want you to close down the Mirinea Marketplace. I'm sorry, but I can't do that. What? How could I kick my family out of their workplace? The sahjang wants to work together. Are you going to backstab me like this? ! I don't want to do that to you. If my family can stay, I'll do whatever you want. Leave Seoul. Do I... really have to leave Seoul? Those are my conditions. Leave Seoul. Who is this? I quit my job today. What? Why? I started working there because I wanted to bring my kids back from Canada, but it doesn't suit me. Plus, I need a more sturdy job for my new child. Well, your job didn't fit you and finding a new job is great, but did the Coffee Ahjumma say that she was going to keep the child? I'll have to convince her somehow. I don't want to make the same mistake twice. I want to provide for both Ji Sook and my child. That's manly of you. Dal Gun sshi, I have a favor to ask you. Do you think you can lend me some money? She's not even old, I hate to see her so bothered. I wanted to pay off Ji Sook's debt before I left work, but... I added up all the money I had left, but I'm still a little short. Jo Gi Dong. Yes. Do you really like the Coffee Ahjumma that much? Yes. Everyone else in the family is here right now, but the grandchildren are late. Gong Min and Yang Ah aren't here yet. Hey, hyung-nim. Let's talk for a minute. I'm so confused here. Do you want me to do what you do here instead of you? Gosh, you really don't understand. Starting from now on, your job is here at Na Rim's house. It's not just working at night, it's working 24 hours a day. It's great isn't it. You can take care of the Coffee Ahjumma, earn money, and I'll give you the money you wanted before. Oh, okay. Does that mean you'll stop working in the family? How could you just quit your family? If you put it in business terms, it's like this place is doing alright, so it's time that you run it. How is it? Do you think you can do it? Well... I... What? You don't think you can do it? If you think you can't then I'll just ask Hang Gu. Wait! I'll try it. I'll try my best at it. Good! Then we have a deal. It's not hard at all, just do what I always do. Oh, that. Harmony! Together forever! That's right! Do you want to smell dirt? Good job. This picture is taking so long. But how do we take a picture without Gong Min? Hey youngest son, let's just take the picture without Gong Min. I'm tired and I want to rest. Let's just hurry and take the picture so we can watch the drama. Isn't that right Na Rim? Yes, uncle. Okay, Na Rim. Let's take the picture. Okay then... We'll now take our happy family picture. Wait a minute, I'm not even the head of this family, so why do I have to take the picture and plan everything? Why do I have to run this family? So from now on, our head and our pillar of this family, my brother, will take the picture and lead this family. Isn't that right brother? Oh, right Dal Gun. You did well. Go over there so we can take the picture. Okay, brother. Then, father, mother, Na Rim's mother, Na Rim, Yang Ah, my younger brother Dal Gun, and Gong Min who isn't here yet I will be the head of this family. Now let's take the picture. A happy family. I'm back. Hey! Why are you coming in now? ! Why are you making the adults wait? ! If you do this again you're going to smell dir... you're going to get punished, okay? ! I'm sorry, father. Go sit down. Let's take the picture. Now, a happy family. What's wrong with your faces? Smile. One, Two... I'm going to school. Okay. Na Rim, you can go with me. We'll be back. Gong Min. Yes, uncle. You're a good kid, except your hair color. Okay, I'll change it. I'm going. Ji Sook, let's go. Okay. The weather seems rather good. I'm coming. We're leaving now. Dumpling Ahjumma, you're a disgusting... a disgustingly good person. You're saying things that are unlike you this morning. How am I disgusting you little... I'm leaving. Coffee Ahjumma, you're easy to hate... but I don't hate you. You're acting strange. Are you trying to pick a fight? Whatever. I'm leaving. I should go too. Hey, Gi Dong... aren't you going too? Oh, right. You're in charge of this house now. I'm really the head of the family, but you'll do fine. Hey, Jang Teacher... Are you trying to pick a fight? You need to stop drinking. You really are starting a fight... How could I stop drinking? And stop liking people so much and doing all these things for them. And take care of yourself. He must have had a bad dream last night. He still has a hangover. There's something wrong with you this morning. I'm leaving before you do something. You must be sad, giving me your job. You were taking care of the family this morning. Go on and leave, I'll take care of the house. Jo Gi Dong. I think that you're a true man. This is the first time I've heard anyone say that about me. Really, you are. Even though everyone else betrayed you, you don't betray anyone. That's a true man. So be strong. Uncle, did I forget something again? No, you didn't. I forgot I wanted to tell you something. What is it? Na Rim... Huh? Na Rim, your uncle has to go somewhere far away. Why? To work. When are you coming back? It'll take some time. One week? It'll take longer than that. It'd be nice if you came back soon. I wanted to tell you that. I forgot to tell you that before you left for school. Okay, uncle. Na Rim, just stay happy with our family. Wouldn't that be just fine? Don't worry about your memory too much. If you're happy, then someday your memory will come back. Uncle has a favor to ask you. What? Give your uncle a hug. Na Rim, you have to go back to class. Go. Bye uncle. You have to come back soon. What are you doing? Turn on the light, so we can see whether it works. It works well. It's good. Since I finished all the work, let's eat. Did you bring any rice? Then let me borrow some. Sam gyub sal then... Is there some sam gyub sal ghost in this house? Everyday it's sam gyub sal. Buy a couple pounds, we'll leave some for the kids. Stop stuffing so much, you'll rip your mouth. When you eat lettuce wraps, you're supposed to rip your mouth for it to be good. Hey, it's the first time just the two of us are eating dinner together. You're taking interest in unimportant things. It's the first time and there's no more lettuce. It's the first time and the moon is out. Should I say more? Why'd you eat so much of the lettuce? I'll go take some of the kid's. I'll be back. Don't cook any of the meat. Don't cook it. I won't. I won't. Don't cook it or else you'll die. I won't. I won't. Don't cook it. I won't. I won't. Why do you keep saying don't cook it, don't cook it? You didn't cook any of the meat right? - Hey! - I'm sorry, Miss Callum. No music. Isn't it one of the rules of the road - the driver controls the radio? Not during her driver's test. Make a left. Perfect, huh? Wow. Has anybody ever told you you have really amazing eyes? I'm not just saying that to butter you up, it's true. You should think about wearing more pastels - light blues, pale greens. They'd so bring out your eyes and totally work for you. Oh! That's Daddy's factory. Isn't it the cutest? Do you know him? Reed Callum. He's the best. Absolutely not allowed! But it's an emergency. It's my sister. Please? Courtney? Give me the deets. I found the most perfect dress for my party. - Only... promise you won't freak. - Hmm? It's... orange. - Miss Callum! - One second. If you do not get off the phone and resume driving, you'll not get your driver's license. OK, ask her, is she sure the dress isn't maybe, like, terra cotta or something. Pretty please? I gave you that nice tip about pastels! Are you sure it isn't terra cotta? Yeah, I'm sure. - It's definitely orange. - Uh... Tell her she can get the dress if I can wear her Jimmy Choos. Get the dress. But you have to let her wear your gym shoes. Goodbye. Yes! Wrap it up. Aren't you at all concerned about the price? Of course I am. How much? $1000. Great! It's even sorta, kinda within my budget. OK, then. Thing is, me and my sister are best, best friends. Every year, we divide up colors, favorite actors and fragrances, so there's nothing to fight about. Isn't that smart? The reason I'm so cool about the orange thing is because it's her cotillion, her night. She should completely have whatever she wants. Oh, Mr. Reeves, if only you could have been there for my party. Of course, I didn't know you, so I probably would have called security. Pull into the parking lot. I'm done? You're not even making me do any yucky three-point turns? Miss Callum, I take it you're used to getting what you want. Well, yeah. The truth of the matter is, while you handled the car quite competently, you seem to have a very real problem staying focused. That's what Daddy says, too. Oh... But it's not something you can flunk me for, right? Sir, before you do anything rash, let me just say this: If I don't pass today, I am gonna be back here every possible second, requesting you and only you, again and again... and again... for as totally long as it takes. On second thought... you pass. Thank you! Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. I got you something. Oh, uh... - How long we been in business, partner? - 20 years ago today. Is that unreal? We've done good. We'd do better if you'd taken the Ketchem deal, but you're Mr. Slow and Steady and I've learned to live with that. - Good. There's more to life than money. - True, but look what money can buy. What's that? How long have you talked about trying to make time to get back to your hobby? Since way before the girls were born. Why? What photo would make your collection complete? The gold-spotted skipper, the most elusive butterfly of all. But one which can often be found in the Ecuadorian rain forest at the end of the rainy season. Right? Go ahead, open it. What is this? What is...? Is this for real? Are you...? No, wait, wait. l-l-I... I can't just up and leave, Bob. This Monday? Yes, you can. Look, I'll handle things at work. Trust me. When the stars align, you gotta go for it. No. Courtney's party - I can't be gone for that. Sure you can. You're the only guy I know who belongs to a country club he's never been to. Courtney knows it's not your style. Do you actually think she'll even notice if you're not there? She's a teenage girl. "Daddy" is the last thing on her mind. Wow. - You did this for me? - Who deserves it more, pal? What can I say? Thank you, Bob. It's much appreciated. My pleasure. What the heck? Hey, congratulations! What is this? Isn't it fabulous, Daddy? Can you believe I passed? Where's Corrine? I thought she drove you to the test. She did. We dropped her at the market. Don't worry. We gave her cab fare. You expect her to take a taxi home with all those groceries? Oh, no. I'm sorry. I never thought about that part. I was so excited to give you the good news. Should I go back and get her? No. I'm sure she's probably already on her way home. I'm really sorry. It won't ever happen again, I promise. - But isn't the sign adorable? - They sell those at the DMV now? No, silly. She ordered it last week, just in case. Custom-made and only 200 bucks! Courtney can have it for when she gets her license. I used our frequent-shoppers card, which, with the 12% discount and the 4.95 cash rebate, means it only really cost... - $171.05 - Yeah, what she said! - A bargain. - In their world, it is. OK, now... Ready for this? You did not get me a car? For me? Really? - What is it? - A genuine classic. Wait. Doesn't "classic" just mean old? - And used? - Yeah? It's so cute. Oh! It's exactly like the one Mom's driving in the old pictures. It is your mother's old car. I had Ralph down at the dairy return it to mint condition. Daddy, that's so hot and totally special. - Thank you. - You're welcome. Let's take her for a cruise! Hang on there, hot shot. This car's a stick shift. A stick? Ew. So before you grind through the gears of a brand-new transmission, I worked out a deal with a friend. He's gonna teach you on a vehicle that's not quite so... delicate. Look, son, in all the years Reed Callum has been our number one milk buyer, he's never once asked me for a favor. Exactly my point. He didn't ask me, he asked you. You're the one's gonna teach his daughter to drive a stick. That's not fair! Why should I let her wreck my truck? Because I bought you that truck to help me out, which is what you'll be doing by keeping Mr. Callum happy. You don't understand, Dad. Taylor Callum is a spoiled, stuck-up, condescending... Wow. "Condescending." Big word for a farm boy. Miss Callum. We didn't know you were here. Obviously. - Please excuse my boy. He can be... - Unkind? Judgmental? In desperate need of a long, hot shower? Here, hold her a second. Ew! Ugh! Why'd you do that? I was gonna take her to get her inoculation. Excuse me, do I look like a pig-holding kind of girl? Don't worry, Jackson. I'll deal with Nanette. You start the driving lesson. Dad, come on. Let's go. I told you, first is up and to the left. What's the problem? I'm trying, OK? Quit hollering. Good. Now ease off the clutch and give it some gas. OK. Sorry. This is hopeless. Yeah, that's the trouble with people like you. People like me? Yeah. Rich, pampered chicks that glide through life without a clue. Do you have any idea what it means to actually work at something? You're mean. Look, can we just... Can we just try this again? Start her up and put in the clutch. Wow! I did it. Hallelujah! Now ease off the clutch and give it some gas. I've got it, Jackson! See what happens when you try? - Wait, stop the truck. - What? - I need to check on Martha. - Martha who? Stay here. - Is she sick? - Pregnant. Due any day. I'm trying to make sure everything's OK. Thought I told you to wait in the truck. You're not the boss of me. Did you at least put on the parking brake? Oh, no! Stop, please! I can't believe...! It's my truck! Wha...? Jackson... I'm so, so sorry. I killed your truck. How could I do that? Look... I know it wasn't on purpose. But it's so horrible. I'm a terrible person. But don't worry, though, OK? Daddy will totally pay to haul it out of there and get it fixed. It's gonna cost me how much? 800 for the recovery and 2000 for the repairs? But you can use my discount card. Then it'll only be 2450 total. All because you didn't set the parking brake? I'm sorry, Daddy, really. What can I say? It was all my fault. But you're the one who made me go there! Jackson Meade is the last boy I'd ever be hanging out with. - He is kinda cute. - Ya think? - Awesome smile. - Good hair. - Totally hot. - Girls! You both seem to think I've got a money tree in the backyard. Your carelessness, your spending - it's gotta stop. When you say the spending's gotta stop, you don't mean stop stop, right? 'Cause pulling back, we can definitely do, but cut us off completely, we might die. I'm so glad you're doing this. Hasn't it been forever since you've taken a real vacation? Longer, I think. Hey, Court. You're OK with me not being at your party? Totally. I know you think the whole thing's silly. If you were there, I'd have to make you dance with me... in front of everybody. Ew, yeah. That wouldn't be so pretty. I pinky promise - I've warned the other girls - even though it won't be easy, I'll stick to your budget. $ 25,000, not one single penny more! Deal. Darn it. I can navigate a computer better than a bunch of geeks, but I can't work this stupid can opener! - Um, Court? - Yes. You might wanna try plugging it in. Oh. Don't you hate Corrine's day off? Shoppers Anonymous. Hold on. She's right here. Heather. Where are you? For real? That is so amazing. Plus what? No way! OK, it's too good to be true. Do not move. We're out the door. We've gotta go, now. Heather's at Tivanello's and she found the perfect tangerine slides for my dress. - Plus... - What? She says, just this second, they got in two dozen pairs of the short boots you've combed the city for in lavender and baby blue! - Why are we still here? - Grab your credit card. I'll get my phone. Jackson must be one great teacher, Tay. You're driving this car like an old pro. Trés impressive. non? Oh, no. This... You... I... Uhh! I just really don't know where I failed. - Nowhere. You're perfect. - The absolute best. I'm not talking about me, girls, I'm talking about you two. We know. We're total screw-ups and we couldn't be sorrier. - What can we do? - We can't go on like this. This kitchen was your mother's favorite room. She created our most popular recipes here. Something's gotta change. I've done nothing to teach you anything about responsibility. That's not true. We always put our clothes in the hamper. - I separate my colors from the whites. - Yeah. I'm talking about reaching a little higher, ladies. - We could take out the trash once a week. - Twice, if that's what you want. No. I've come to a decision. Uh-oh. - This sounds bad. - You're canceling our personal trainer? I'm insisting you take a summer job. You're teasing, right? I really don't think he is, girls. This is very serious business. It's settled. Tomorrow morning, bright and early, you report to work at the dairy. But my cotillion's next Saturday. I'm the only girl that doesn't have a date. Who am I supposed to do the Spotlight Dance with? You don't understand. There's a million details we have to handle. I can't work. You can and you will. Your shift is from seven to three. You can party-plan afterwards. Seven... in the morning? That's earlier than school! Don't do this. We won't spend anything or go anywhere! We'll become social rejects! I've cancelled your credit cards and revoked your allowance. You girls are finally gonna learn what it means to earn what you want. Good morning. River City! Shake off those cobwebs. wipe the sleep from your eyes. It's five... Uhh! Ahh, stop! I can't take it. - Rise and shine, working girls. - Turn off the light. Let's go. I got a plane to catch and you have to report to duty. - If the sun isn't up, why should we be? - Yeah. Nobody ever said that reality was pretty. - Aah! - Ow! Dads. Remember, where I'm headed is so remote, there's no cell service. Ach, why even live? My point is, I can't be checking up on you, so I need you guys to promise me that everything is gonna go OK. Of course it will, Daddy. We won't embarrass you, we promise. Who knows? You might even like working. You might find it interesting. OK, all right, OK. Just... Just try to behave, OK? Make a good impression. Make me proud. Will you quit worrying? They have to love us. We're the boss's daughters. Yeah. OK. Bye, girls. - Love you. - Love you, too. - Remember, blinker, blinker. - Yeah, we got it, Dad. - Up to the left. - Seatbelts on. - Love you. - Love you, too. - Whoo-hoo! - Whoa! - Knock, knock! - Morning, Uncle Bob. Girls! You're right on time. Just give me one quick second. There. So... Bet you never figured it would come to this. Isn't it so cruel of Daddy? You know, he's only doing what he thinks is best. Did he get off to the airport OK? He's way excited. That was really nice of you. Hey, what are friends for? Anyway, it's Fran Walker, our production supervisor, you'll be reporting to. So let's track her down and get you to work. - What a great picture of Mom. - She was something, your mother. The power behind the throne. Look at you, all grown up and ready to follow in her footsteps. - We're here 'cause Daddy's forcing us. - We're complete disasters in the kitchen. Not like Mom at all. We hope you'll let us work in an office, answering phones, making coffee. - Working people love coffee, right? - Mm-hmm. She's being way modest, but Courtney's a computer geek. Like, if you need supplies, online shopping is her specialty. Taylor's a total math-head. She can figure out sale prices better than anybody. Oh, stop. Your father was very specific about wanting you here on the production line. Please, no. Not that. We'll start you off with something simple. - But, over there? - Mm-hmm. - Like them? - Yeah. Wearing that? Mm-hmm. OK. Honestly, I wish you knew how hilarious you look. - Like you look any better. - Except I can't see me, so who cares? What are you doing? I am so gonna send a picture to Jackson Meade. - Courtney, gimme that! - No! No! Uh-oh. Now look what you did! Taylor, just get it! Do something! - Stop the presses. - What? My sister's phone kinda accidentally flew into one of your tubs. A phone? Which tub? We don't know. We lost track. Well, this is great. What are we supposed to do, scrap the whole run? How could you two be so careless? We're sorry. We're new at this. It's not like we meant to cause trouble. - It was a simple mistake. - Yeah, a costly and stupid mistake. Hold on, Mr. Whatever-Your-Last-Name-Is. You can't call Daddy. He's out of cell range, remember? But you're not. Hello? Why call me? I'm right here. Hm. Problem solved. Ew. And how do you suppose I make up for the four minutes of lost production time? My phone! Can you control the speed of the machine? Yeah. OK. Then, if you ramp it up by 15 seconds for 16 minutes, then you'll regain your lost time and be back on schedule! Yeah. Yeah, what she said. This is coming out of your pay. Back to work. Wait, no. That's backwards. Come on! Oh. 'K, this one's not good. Oh! Ick. Finally, quitting time. Oh, yeah. Hate to break it to you, sis - it's only lunch. Yeah. I am not happy right now! Oh. Oh. Hm. This is a tad awkward. Yeah. Just smile and wave and maybe they won't hurt us. - Hi. - Hi. All because of one dropped cell phone. These people seriously need to lighten up. Courtney, Taylor! What are you doing here? Mr. Perez! Heather didn't tell you? Daddy sent us to work. Ah... Guess that explains this morning's production slowdown. - You heard? - Everybody heard. - Life in a small company - no secrets. - Oh! - Where are your lunches? - There isn't a caterer? Well, until you can take that up with your father, you'll have to rely on our machines. - Gross. - Ew. Gina and I can't wait for the party. We're flattered you included us. Are you kidding? You guys are like my second parents. - Heather says it's gonna be great. - If I ever get a date. - You still haven't asked anybody? - Like who? - Bye. - Au revoir. How about him? - Who's that? - His name is Philippe. An exchange student from France living with the Millers for a year. Your dad got him an internship for the summer. Huh. Good ol' Dad. What are you doing? Go after him! Make up for this lousy lunch by having a French pastry for dessert. Taylor! I can't. What if he doesn't like me? What if he says no? It's all too terrifying and potentially humiliating. I can't move. Oh, yeah! It's Monday, I forgot. You're gonna love this. This is one of your dad's ideas called "Homemade Jams." # Early in the mornin', rising' and shine # Joinin' my friends in the workin' line # Might be tired, but we don't pull blame # Got a lot to do today # And we're bound to be a family # And we're bound to call this home # Happy to be right here, you see # Workin' at the creamery # Creams to curdle and butter to churn # Surrounded by cattle everywhere I turn # Hope they're right when they say it won't hurt # Livin' on nothin' but yogurt # Well, we're bound to be a family # And we're bound to call this home # We're happy to be right here, you see # Together at the creamery All right, if anybody wants to come up and join us, now is your chance. Ooh! Me and my sister are really good singers! Can we do backup? Thanks anyway, but this band's for real working folk. You'd be better off joining the Pretenders. It's so rude, the way everybody's acting like they're not watching us but they so are. Just waiting for us to mess up again. Yeah! Would it be so hard to be supportive? We're trying our best. Maybe if we moved a bit faster. Like it's not hard enough? Come on, Court, let's show 'em what the Callum girls are made of. Yeah. Oh! No. Sorry, our bad. Honest mistake. Point us to the mops and we'll clean up. - Good blueberries, though. Yeah. - What she said. I... Um... No, don't go. Little help? Somebody? Anyone? Get shoe... Shoe... OK. Yay! I cannot wait to tell Corrine we did our own laundry! - I'm taking this for proof. - Court? - Yeah? - Put it down. 'K. - There you go, Joyce. - Thanks, Melvin. Peter Palmer. This should get you one step closer to that new patio. Not this week. This one's going towards my daughter's braces. - Good one. - Do you have one for us? Well, if it isn't the Callum sisters! Don't you look beautiful? Thanks, Melvin. You, too. So how much do we get for one whole day? Believe it or not, my darlings, you don't get paid unless you work an entire week. That's no fair. How am I supposed to buy nail polish and bubble bath? Yeah. By putting that pretty little nose to the grindstone and keeping it there. That would really hurt. And you'd totally end up looking like a pug dog. Yeah. 'Night, Melvin! I'm so happy to see you're still around. There he is! What are you doing here? Slumming? "Gliding through life without a clue." - Actually, we were working. - We made it through one whole day. I guess miracles never cease. Daddy left me the check for your truck. Would you like me to bring it over later? Or I can come by and get it. That's OK. I was kinda hoping to see how Martha's doing. Really? How about I come over around seven? That'll work. I'll see you then. OK. Come on. If it wasn't for your dad, I don't know what we'd have done. - Everybody else was so harsh. - Is it our fault Daddy owns the place? I saw an adorable French guy in the lunchroom. He's an exchange student living with the Millers. - She wants him to be her party date. - Is Richie Miller invited to your party? Why would he be? He's hardly the cotillion type. - Then it's perfect! - What? After dinner, we'll take Richie an invitation. We'll say it got lost in the mail. He'll mention Frenchie, we'll act all surprised and invite him! - Heather, that's brilliant. - I know! - Wanna come? - I can't. She's gonna see Jackson. He's gonna be your boyfriend. - Really? He's hot. - And way in love with my sister. # Life has moments hard to describe # Feelin' great. I'm feelin' alive # Never comin' down from this # Mountain where I... # Always know we're gonna be fine # Feelin' great. I'm feelin' alive # Never comin' down from this # Mountain where I... # Feelin' so clear and it's crazy up here # Life is amazing with you on the ride # Ah. ah. ah. ah # Ah. ah. ah. ah # Life has moments hard to describe # Feelin' great. I'm feelin' alive # Never comin' down from this # Mountain where I... # Feelin' so clear and it's crazy up here # Life is amazing with you on the ride # Things are so crazy. it makes it so worth it # Life is amazing with you on the ride The post office messed up and your invite came back, which made me feel awful. I'm sure you were hurt, thinking... To be honest, I didn't even know there was gonna be a party. Oh! But you wanna come? Everybody's gonna be there. - Everyone. - Will there be video games? Richie, it's a dance party, with tons of beautiful girls like us. Oh. If it make you feel more comfortable, you could bring someone. - Like a friend, a foreign exchange student. - If you happen to have one. - I do! He's from France. - You're kidding! Is he here? Should we ask him now? He's upstairs. Why don't I go see what he thinks? - Nice. - Yes. Wow. So, this is my first American... How you call it? "How you call it?" Isn't that darling? It's a cotillion, a kind of coming-out party. Coming out of what? Philippe, you're so funny! So will you come and be Courtney's date? It would... please me much... to attend. Thank you, Philippe. I'm thrilled. Look for me at work tomorrow, OK? Oh... We're glad you're coming, too. See you there. Bye. Good morning. River City! Can you believe it? It's 5:30... Oh, no! Jackson! It's time for a beautiful brand-new morning. Did you say something? Jackson - I stood him up. I blew it. I'll bet he hates my guts. And the really bad news is... we have to go to work again. Your favorite hits from the '70s. '80s and '90s. - You're not listening. Our checks bounced. - All of them. But that just can't be. My books have always been unimpeachable. Why do you think that I've never relied on the computer monkey business? Because I always make them out by hand so they're absolutely perfect. - I think the banks would beg to differ. - Well, I'm not responsible... - Maybe they know something. - Where's your father? - Why did our checks bounce? - Wait, shh. Please, please. Quiet. Um... - We seem to be broke. - What? Daddy ran out of money? Oh, there's no possible way. Unfortunately, there is a way. I just got off the phone with Nelson Partridge at the bank. Apparently your father took more than luggage on his trip. Our company account is completely wiped out. - There's no money? - He didn't do anything bad. He couldn't. - He wouldn't. - I'd never believe it, but the money's gone. There has to be an explanation. I've known Reed over 20 years. This is not something he's capable of. He's done everything he can to make this a great place to work. I've been here since the very beginning and I can assure all of you that Reed Callum is a true humanitarian. Before we jump to terrible, damaging conclusions, maybe the best thing I can do is get on a plane and try to track him down. What are we supposed to do in the meantime? If I'm not paid, I'm not working. No. We have to keep working or we'll miss our delivery deadlines. Please, just for today. We owe Mr. Callum that much until we get this straightened out. Daddy would never rip you guys off. He loves this place and he loves all of you. Which is why we need to get back to work at once! No! Ugh! Oh, no! Oh, dear! Look at you! - Sorry. So sorry. - Stay right there. Just stay there. This is terrible. Everybody's freaking out, Daddy's gone, his money's gone. - Are we gonna be poor? - Bite your tongue! We just have to hope Uncle Bob can track him down and get to the bottom of this. Do you think Bob's left yet? I want him to tell Daddy how much we believe in him. Come on, let's go see. That's weird. He left. Why's this in the trash? And all broken. Do you think Uncle Bob flipped out 'cause he actually believes Daddy's a crook? Or what if it's Uncle Bob who's the crook? Think about it, Court. What if that's how come he gave Dad a generous trip? - To get him out of the way and set him up! - That's so evil. I know. But listen, we're positive Daddy didn't take the money and yet it's gone, so who else could be a logical suspect? What are we gonna do? Girls. This is an unexpected surprise. Come on in. Courtney and Taylor Callum, this is Keith, my husband. - Hi. - He works the night shift at the dairy. - Hello, girls. - Hi, Keith. We're sorry to barge in on you like this, Fran. But look. Oh. Should this mean something to me? Daddy gave that picture to Bob as a gift last week. Only we found it in Bob's trash in his office with the glass smashed. Taylor thought, what if it's Bob who took the money? I agree! I'd buy that. Something about this guy always seemed a bit off to me. Like making us call him "Uncle" when we're not even related. Yeah, right. It's no secret Bob was furious when your dad wouldn't sell the dairy. Sell the dairy? Old Man Ketchem wanted to buy us out, convert to a fully-automated plant like his. Your dad wouldn't hear of it 'cause we'd be out of work. I knew Daddy was a good guy. In my opinion, Bob never got over missing out on that bag of cash. So what do we do now? Why don't you stay for dinner and we'll talk about it? - We're making pizza. - We don't want to intrude. - You won't intrude. We'll put you to work. - Yeah. OK. - He's such a show-off, isn't he? - You're just jealous. Who knew cooking could be so fun? Take my advice, girls. Marry someone who loves to cook. Whoa! - What are we doing, feeding an army? - This one's for an elderly neighbor. - That's so sweet. - It's just the neighborly thing to do. Whoo! I am not eating that! We have to get our flowers from the Gilded Lily. Everybody knows they do the most gorgeous arrangements in town. Yeah, but they're also twice as expensive as everybody else. Well, duh! What do you think makes them the best? OK. If we spend $10,000 on flowers, we can have the balloon arch or the ice sculpture, but we can't afford both. Aw, bummer. Let's be practical. The ice sculpture will melt. But it's so classic! It's our signature thing. We need it. What if we cut out the seafood appetizer bar? That's the most original thing on our menu. Everybody will love it! Obviously, we're just gonna have to ask our dads for more money. Haven't they been clear? We have to work in our budget. They're not giving us more. This is unfair. Why does everything have to cost so much? Sarah insists we must have steak and lobster. What's wrong with chicken? This isn't some stupid business banquet. Chicken's a tacky no-no. Seriously! I mean, if we're not gonna top last year's girls, why even do this at all? - Exactly. - Hmph! Maybe we're not figuring it out right. Gimme the numbers. I'll talk to Taylor. - She's like Rain Man with math. - Plus she's been through this already. I'll bet she can tell us what we're doing wrong. See? It's impossible. When did the world get to be so expensive? I've got a feeling it's always been this way, Court. We're just finally being forced to pay attention. Whoever came up with "ignorance is bliss" was really onto something. Speaking of that, after being at Fran's tonight, I was thinking... Uh-oh. This can't be good. With everything going on at the dairy and Daddy being out of reach, doesn't it feel like it's sort of up to us to try to fix this mess? No. Court... you saw how it is. People like Fran and Keith totally depend on Dad for... their life. Can we seriously sit back and let it all fall apart? Talor, hello. I thought we were talking about my party problems. Well... in a weird way, we are. I think we should use your party allowance to cover the dairy workers' salaries. You got me so good. For a second, I thought you were serious. I am. Have you totally lost it? I can't do that. The girls and I are splitting all costs, the way it's always done. If I can't contribute, how can I be part of it? I guess you can't. I'm really sorry, but this is totally a family emergency. It's not my emergency. It's fine for you to be noble, you already had your most amazing cotillion. Now it's my turn. My chance to shine. It's really mean of you to try to take that away. All right, OK? Calm down. It was only a suggestion. We'll have to figure out another way to help. Exactly. Thank you for coming to your senses. Oh, no! I still have to deal with Jackson. Meade Dairy Farms. Uh, yeah. Whom may I say is calling? Yeah. Hold on a minute. I'll get him. It's Taylor Callum, for you. I'm not here. He says he's not here. All right. She's says she's sorry she didn't make it by last night. She'd like to explain. I'm not interested, OK? Just tell her to put the check in the mail. Uh, Taylor. He had to run off to the bathroom. Um... OK. Yeah, I'll tell him. OK, bye. We're asking everybody to report to the lunchroom for a meeting. Melvin? It won't take long. Hi. Look, we will find a solution. Trouble is, all our products are perishable. A shutdown is something we can't afford. How long do you think we should work without pay? Do you think my landlord cares if our inventory goes bad? He wants to know when I'm gonna pay the rent! The reality is, most of us live paycheck to paycheck. I'm as loyal as anyone, but if there's no future here, we wanna know that now. Of course there's a future! It's just gonna require some patience. Please, it's just... Look, I know we will find an answer to this problem. Do me a huge favor? I left my cell phone in the car. So? So I need to see if Jackson called so I can call him back. - Please go get it for me. - Why can't you? Because, unlike some people, I'm actually listening to what's going on. - Please, Court? Please? - Fine, but you owe me. - Thanks, sis. You're a doll. - Whatev. I know, we're all in this together, though. - We're trying, people... - Uh... - Excuse me. - Shh! - Everybody! Excuse me. - Shh! Um... hi. I know the situation is way terrible and scary but I, um... See, I was wondering if I could fix it so there was money for your paychecks. Shh! Quiet. Quiet, please. Please, let her finish. If I could do that, would you keep on working until my dad gets back? Maybe, yeah. But come on, you're a kid. Even you can't have that kind of cash laying around. I don't. But I think I can get it. How? By selling your solid-gold sports car? Or auctioning off your collection of designer handbags? Since when do you care what happens to us? Can I say what I was trying to say? Why? So we can make more sacrifices to support your lifestyle? We don't need your pity, honey, we need answers! Don't pretend to relate to us. You can't. Please! If you'll all go back to your jobs and give me till the end of the day. What if we don't trust you? You'd never work here if your father didn't force you. Let's get real. You and your sister are nothing but a pair of spoiled brats. You're right... about all of it. But maybe that's why I'm trying to change. - Philippe! Hey. - Bonjour. Courtney. How are you? I can't believe it's the first time we've seen each other. I've been looking for you. For most of the day, Ralph and I, we're on the road. Delivery guys. Kinda goes with the turf, you know? - You're still coming to my party, right? - Cannot wait. There's one thing I should have mentioned the other night. See, since you said you'd be my... my date, there's this... One big tradition at these parties is a special deal called the Spotlight Dance. As in, all eyes are on the girls being celebrated? Exactly. The four honorees and their dates, out there in front of everybody. - Is that something you'd be cool with? - Why I would not be? It can be a bit embarrassing. That is the beauty of being a foreigner. Everybody is a stranger, so who care what they think? If you need for me to dance with you, I dance. Great. Thanks. Bye! All right, Romeo, get in the truck. Hm. What am I to do? I need to make my rent. I know. We all do. This is just a temporary situation, OK? Fran, do you know where my sister is? - She and Melvin had to run an errand. - Oh, thanks. Don't worry, I promise you.... - Thanks, ma'am. We're all done? - Mm-hmm. Here you go. Isn't it pretty? - Are you sure you want to do this? - Totally. You're a good girl, Taylor. Excuse me, folks. If I could just have your attention for a minute. Due to the remarkable generosity of our very own Taylor Callum... - And my sister Courtney. - Yeah. ...the current payroll has been guaranteed. - All right! - Whoo! Melvin will be handing out your reissued checks at the end of your shift. And, well, hopefully, this will tide us over until Reed gets back. Thanks. - Joyce. - Thank you. - Taylor, talk to me. - Not here. - Where did that money come from? - We shouldn't talk about it till we're home. l-I don't get it. How could you do this to me? Courtney, I'm so, so sorry. We really didn't have any other choice. Yes, we did. It's my party budget, my money! The only reason Daddy put your name on the account is because you're better at bank math. You promised you weren't gonna touch it. I know. But then we got to work. You heard them. If the dairy goes under, they might lose their houses. Their kids won't get to go to college. It's serious stuff they're dealing with. Yeah, but we're only kids. Why should it be up to us to fix everybody's problems? Do you seriously even understand half the stuff they're talking about? No. Not totally. But I know we have some sort of a duty there. Maybe you do. My duty is to show up at work and stay out of trouble like Daddy wanted. If you knew what was good for you, that's what you'd do. Look, I'll bet you can still be a part of the party. - We'll talk to the other girls, compromise. - Yeah, right. Sarah Van Dyke was dying to kick me out for suggesting we switch to chicken. - What if I explained the situation? - You've done enough damage. I think this is what you wanted all along. If my party's wrecked, everybody remembers yours as the best. Courtney, that's not true. How could you even think that? I'm never speaking to you again! Courtney, come on! Courtney! Don't talk to me, you horrible traitor! Go away! - What do you want? - I brought you your check. I told you to mail it. Jackson... The other night, I wanted to come over... But I fell asleep. The whole working thing wiped me out. Considering how foreign it must be, I'm surprised your body didn't go into shock. Who knows? Maybe it did. They're saying my truck's gonna be ready day after tomorrow. How sweet is that? What are you doing? What's wrong? Everything! My father's company's broke. Half the people think he did horrible, terrible things. We've got no way to reach him. My one attempt to help ended up with my sister thinking I'm an evil, devious witch. - Now she's not even speaking to me. - Sounds bad. Wanna know the most pathetic part? The only person I could come up with to unload on thinks I'm a spoiled brat. A condescending spoiled brat. Right. Jackson? Jackson! Come quick, I need you. Martha's getting ready to calf. Let's go. I don't know what's wrong. It was moving along, then it just stopped. - But her water bag broke, right? - About ten minutes ago. - I think she's distracted. - What? By that bull. She keeps eyeing him like she'd prefer a little privacy. Taylor, cows aren't like people. Says you. Name one female in the universe who'd want to be on display going through this. Shoo! Get out of here! Shoo! Shoo! Get out of here. Give poor mama cow a break. Hmph! OK. There, that's better, huh? Now you can push your little baby out with some dignity. - She's doing it. She's pushing. - Yeah. Here we go. That's my good cow. OK, OK. Here it comes. OK, OK. Here it comes. Here it comes. Ha! Check it out. Well done, Martha. It's a girl, just like we were hoping for. Look how cute she is. - Good job. - Oh... She's so sweet. Welcome to the world, little one. Oh! I have to admit, I'm amazed how great you were with Martha. What can I say? We totally bonded. I never would have predicted that in a million years. You should get to know a person before you make judgments. Sort of the way you did with me? Sort of how we both did. Good morning. River City! Shake off those cobwebs. wipe the sleep from your eyes. It's 5:30 in the morning! Courtney, I know you're mad but, please? We can still try to work out the party thing. You've got the most important stuff - your date, your fabulous dress... - Too bad I don't have a sister. - Come on, can't we talk about this? No. You're not worthy. You can't talk about my dress, you can't talk about Philippe. You're not even allowed to say the date anymore! For the rest of your ugly life, I want July 10 totally stricken from your vocabulary. What are you doing? That beeping means you have to reset the expiration date. Don't worry about it, Thomas. I'm on it. Expiration date reset. You are never gonna believe what's happening now. - The new checks didn't bounce... - No. But I heard that yesterday, the storage silo refrigeration system shut down. All our milk's gone bad. - Shouldn't someone have monitored that? - Bob Fenwick. It was his job. But he was too busy robbing the company. He didn't have time for anything else. It was Bob, not Reed, who took the money? Think about it, Thomas. Who always had our best interests at heart and who didn't? Folks, let's focus on the present. Without milk, or the money to pay for more, we can't fill any of the orders we have. So what do we do? We don't have a choice. We finish the cycle we're in and shut down. What happens to our accounts awaiting deliveries this weekend? I'll just have to start making some phone calls and hopefully, they'll understand. - This is a disaster. - Oh, yeah. Two or three weeks without work, I won't keep up with my mortgage payments. We have no idea how we're gonna send Charlie back to college this fall. Wait, what if I talked to Jackson Meade? Maybe his dad could give us milk on credit for a few days. Our world doesn't work like that. Credit's a luxury nobody in this industry can afford. Sarah, I still have $5000. If we all make a few sacrifices and compromise, I'm sure we can work this out. Excuse me, is this a cotillion or a charity event? What do you expect me to do, pull money out of thin air? I'm not a magician. I'd cry for you, but I don't want my mascara to run. We have to pay the caterer and the country club tonight. If you can't deliver your full share, then it breaks my heart to tell you, but you're out. Love you! I don't want that color. Well, I can at least ask, right? If he says no, he says no, and we'll go from there. Congratulations! You win. I've officially been kicked out of my own party. You must be thrilled. I've gotta go. Whoa. What's the deal? It's done,it's over. According to Sarah, me minus my money equals bye-bye! OK, I'm really sorry, but have you not been listening to anything this morning? It's only getting worse and worse. We've got all these great people with their entire futures at stake. Without the cash to replace the spoiled milk, everybody's gonna lose their jobs. And, I'm sorry, this became my responsibility... when? You know, for once in your life, it might be nice to spend two seconds thinking about somebody else! Why should I? I hate this place. I don't care what Daddy wanted! I quit, OK? Taylor, that's not something I can even ask my father. How come? Look, my dad's a really good man - too good. He'll help anybody in trouble. But that's no way to keep a small farm like ours in business. If we take on one more dollar of debt, it's gonna crush us. Can I say one thing? Living in the real world stinks. Heather, stop wiggling so I can get this pinned. Oh, no. Hide me. - It's just Courtney. - Exactly. Hello? Hey, honey, come on in. - How come you're not at work? - Long story. How do you like her party dress? I thought you found something fabulous at Holly's. I did. We can't afford it. Who cares? This is gonna be even better. It's perfect. That's exactly what I told her! - Mom, could you give us a minute? - Um... I'll go get you girls some iced tea. Thanks. You weren't supposed to see any of this. - It's so humiliating. - What's the big deal? Are you kidding? You with your "designer" this and "couture" that. Who cares? It's not like we're in competition. Maybe it doesn't feel like that to you. You get everything you want. It's hard for me, Courtney. It always has been. I love you, but, come on, do you ever stop to think about anyone but yourself? - Oh, no. - What? That's exactly what Taylor said. Am I really that bad? Well, yeah, but why wouldn't you be? Your whole life's been a total fairy tale. How are you supposed to have a clue about reality? That doesn't mean I deserve to act like some spoiled princess. Who am I? Sarah? Yuck! No, Court. Underneath, you're a really good person. Thanks. But... I think it's time for me to do better than that. You're home early. Anything we need to talk about? I miss Mom. It doesn't seem fair, does it? She just always knew the right thing to say. Whenever me and Taylor were fighting, she was the only one who could get us back together. She was that way with everybody. Your father used to call her his secret weapon. And you know why? Because she had compassion and she had perspective. She knew better than anybody that her good life was just a happy accident. Yeah. - Do you want some yogurt? - Sure. Your mom's recipe. Best one. I'm afraid we've come at this from every possible angle and quite frankly, there's no money, no milk. We're out of options. Unless... Back in a flash! - Hey, Ralph. - Hey, what's up? Well, um... My dad told me how much fun you had restoring my mom's old Mustang, so I was wondering, do you wanna buy it? What? I thought you were crazy about that car. I am. But considering the latest nightmare here, I'm desperate for extra cash, and selling my car is the only solution I can think of. Honestly, Taylor, as much as I'd love to get my hands on that baby, it's just not anything I can afford. Please, Ralph. You have no idea how important this is. Yeah, I get that. All I got is nine grand. I'll take it. Awesome! Here you go, Jackson. This is a down payment. Wow. I can't believe you sold your car. Me neither. It really doesn't feel like I had a choice. Taylor! I'm so glad you're home. Wait, you're actually speaking to me? Heather's dad said the only reason the dairy's not closing is 'cause you sold your car to get money to buy fresh milk. That's just a nasty rumor, right? Well, I just took the bus home. What does that tell you? But you can't sell your car. It's not right. Just tell me what I can do to help. Too late. You'd be better off putting your time and energy into your party. Sarah and those girls don't care about me. All they wanted was my money. Why would I even want to be a part of their stupid party? Especially if I lose what I have with you. - Are you serious? - Yeah. Maybe we can use the rest of my party budget to help us out. Sure. But, even with your 5000, we're still 1000 short on the milk money. I think I have an idea. Come on! Since I haven't even worn it yet, I'd like a full refund, please. Wow. I had no idea doing the right thing could be so painful. - Hello? - Bonjour, Courtney. it's Philippe. I know it is last minute, but I was wondering, since we have this so-called Dance of the Spotlight on Saturday, would you like to have dinner and practice with me tonight at the country club? The Millers invited you to be their guest. Uh, well, um... See, Philippe, I actually need to talk to you about that. - Something is wrong? - Very. I, uh... As it turns out, I'm not gonna be a part of the cotillion. I, um... dropped out. That is even more reason for you to come with me. If Saturday is not working, we'll create our own spotlight to celebrate you tonight. - Great. - Bye. Bye. It was so nice of you to invite me. This is really fun. It was all Philippe's idea. He's quite taken with you, Courtney. I'm blushing, aren't I? How embarrassing is that? - We should dance, no? - We should dance, yes! Will you excuse us? As long as nobody's making me dance, you're completely excused. Wow. You really know what you're doing. I should. My parents put me in lessons since I was ten. Oh, no. So it's true. Weston said he thought he saw you here tonight. Given your desperate cries of poverty, I'm amazed you can afford dinner. I'm a guest... of the Millers. May I help you with something? Speaking of guests, it's only fair to tell you, we left word for the people on your list letting them know they're dis-invited. It was Sarah's idea. It was the only way we could make up the budget deficit. In case you care, turns out we're gonna end up with every single thing we wanted, despite that you nearly sabotaged the event. We convinced our dads to kick in the extra dollars and all it cost us was a half an hour of crocodile tears. - You must be so proud. - Crab legs, oyster bar, steak, lobster, the balloon arch, the ice sculpture... Seems like the only thing that won't be there is... you. - Try not to be too heartbroken, Sarah. - I won't. If you'll excuse us, Philippe and I have a dance to finish. Twirl me, Philippe. Twirl me now. Hey. Hi. What are you doing here? Judging by how you seemed buying the milk, I thought you could use cheering up. Come on in. So, explain to me this. If those are the kind of girls involved in this... cotillion, why you wanted to be part of it in the first place? Wow, Philippe. I honestly wish I could tell you. I guess because it all looked so glamorous and cool when Taylor did it. Maybe that's the problem. I've spent so long trying to be my sister, now I just need to be me. - Did you make a speech? - Yeah. What did you say? Well. you know . just the kind of things... You know what's so crazy about this whole ordeal? It's sure given me a new appreciation for my dad. I'll bet. The way he makes it all look so easy - running the dairy, taking care of me and Courtney... He never even complains. I sure wish he'd get home already. Well, not right this second... 'cause then I wouldn't have the nerve to do this. Popcorn? How's it going, girls? Great. We're getting the hang of this gig. Well, that's good. Uh, listen, I was wondering, are you two busy tomorrow night? Not anymore. Keith and I are having a "we can't believe we survived this awful week" party and we'd love it if you could be there. Sounds fun. The dairy band's gonna play, everybody's bringing food... - We're happy to bring sodas and cups. - Excellent. My place, 7 pm. 'K! # She couldn't sing to save her soul didn't know a thing on the keys # She headed to the valley, got a job at the creamery # The girls made her welcome and told her what to know # About milk and cheese and real ice cream, until the cows came home # Now she's in the promised land 'cause she followed the beat of the band Thank you. Thank you. Before we sing the next song, I just wanted to say that, thanks to you all, we're still in business. And we couldn't have done it without the amazing financial and moral support of the Callum girls. Yeah. Some of you may not know this, but tonight was supposed to be Courtney's cotillion. Who cares? I'd much rather be here with all of you! Fair enough. But after everything you've done, you should get to have your Spotlight Dance. - You ready? - Yeah. OK. A-one, two, a-one, two, three. Folks, folks! Sorry to interrupt. We've got an emergency. I don't understand. How could all the products we made this week be expired? That's the point. They're not. Somewhere, the date stamp was incorrectly set. The first two accounts I stopped at tonight refused delivery. Yogurt, cheese - all of it. Couldn't you explain it was a mistake? It's not that easy. Who is gonna wanna buy something they think has gone bad? Couldn't we put new lids on with the right date? Health Code regulations prohibit a product from being sold once it's been resealed. We'd have to start a whole new run from scratch or lose at least 14 major accounts. How could this have happened? It was me. The day when I was mad at you about getting exiled from my party. That's the date I must have accidentally set. Expiration date reset. Today. The whole entire dairy is gonna crash and burn because of me. Whoa, whoa. But we can salvage this, right? What if we started the run right now? We're all here. We could all pitch in. Except for the fact that we're almost out of milk again. I could fix that. - Dad, no. How can we afford it? - We can't afford not to help. If the dairy goes belly-up, we lose their business and half our income. So let's get moving. Not so fast! Even if everybody works, we don't have the manpower for an all-inventory run. We'd have to get machines going double-time, we'd need people unloading and reloading the fleet of trucks.... Unless you've got 25 extra bodies, it's impossible. He's right. Simply wanting to make it happen is not enough. Hold on. I know where we can get more volunteers. Get down to the dairy and get started. Taylor and I will meet you there soon. Let's go. # I don't wanna grow up # Don't wanna figure this out # I know you set me up # Don't want this dragging you down # I don't wanna grow up # Don't wanna figure this out # I know you set me up # Don't want this dragging you down Don't want this dragging you down # Don't want to figure out # Don't wanna see you around # One more time - Sorry to interrupt. Can I borrow your mic? - Yeah. What do you think you're doing? You're not welcome here. I know. But I'm desperate. So what else is new? Um... Hi. You guys, can you please listen a minute? I know I have no right to ask this, but my father's dairy is in horrible trouble. If we don't get extra help, a lot of wonderful, hardworking people will lose their jobs. And we care... why? - Because you should. - Hmph. Because we're all part of the same community. Look, until a few days ago... I was just like all of you. I didn't know, I didn't care. But I've learned stuff. Everybody in this room is so lucky. And it's just an accident of birth. We have no clue what most people are up against. But it's not too late to learn. It feels really good to help other people. It's an amazing rush to give something back. That's good, because you know what you can give back? The microphone! Sarah, no! There's more to life than balloon arches and ice sculptures. - Give it back! - No, give it back to me! No! I want it now! Sarah, give me the microphone! The dessert parade! Oh, créme brulée. OK, everybody. I need you to bring this in. OK. - OK. - There's one. All right. All right, good job, guys. I don't get it. How could I have failed? You didn't. You were awesome. I would have followed you anywhere. Because you're not a pathetic Sarah clone. Did you see those zombies? Inhale, exhale. Even without those losers, there has to be a way we can get this done. Where are your friends? Lost in their own little worlds. - So they're not coming? - No. It's over. So what do we do now? I'm afraid we have to send everyone home. OK, guys. Shut it down. Let's power down. Did I hear this place could use a little help? Daddy! You're here! You're home! With a whole group of your friends to pitch in, too. But you, with them... How? I was on my trip, missing you two, realizing where I really wanted to be was home, so I came back. When I went to look for you at the club, this whole crew pounced on me. After you left, we were all, like, "Wow, what Courtney said was so right. We have to get outside ourselves and help people." And then your sweet dad showed up, so confused and out of the loop. We gave him the headlines, and here we are, reporting for duty. - Let's get busy here. - Let's get back to work. Come on. # Wake up every morning from your alarm clock warning # Take the 8:15 into the city # There's a whistle up above and people pushin'. people shovin' # And the girls who try to look pretty # And if your train's on time. you can get to work by nine # And start your slaving job to get your pay # If you ever get annoyed. look at me. I'm self-employed # I love to work at nothing all day # And I'll be taking care of business. every day # Taking care of business. every way # I've been taking care of business. it's all mine # Taking care of business and working overtime # Work out # Takin' care of business # Takin' care of business. my way. yeah # Takin' care of business Well, troops, against all odds, we pulled this off. I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank you enough. Tomorrow I'll figure out how much damage Bob Fenwick did. But tonight, I want you to know, as long as I'm in business, every one of you has a job. You're the best! To my own Taylor and Courtney... Thank you, girls... from the bottom of my heart. You really came through when it mattered the most. Thanks. Now, before I send you all home for a well-earned sleep, I'm told there's still one last thing we have to do, so... Courtney, Philippe, it's time for your spotlight dance. # I believe you can shine # If you have to grab the stars # Right out of the sky # Don't look back # Close your eyes # Sometimes you have to see it from your heart to get it right # Sooner or later when the dust has cleared # The sun comes out, you're still here # Look at what you've found # Figure it out, it's simple when you think about it # Who you are inside # Let it out # Everything you wanna be is coming around # It's all good now # It all works out # You'll see it all # Comes down # To taking chances, living life # Just in time to get it right # Sooner or later when the dust has cleared # The sun comes out, you're still here # Look at what you've found # It's all good now How's it going? Well, we'll survive.... barely. - It's really that bad? - Yep. Money's gone. It's basically like we're starting over. I'm so sorry, Daddy. How could he do that? You were his best friend! Greed's a funny thing, girls. Has a way of getting the best of some people. It's all so evil. We're definitely in for some serious belt-tightening around here. No vacations, no more country clubs, no shopping sprees. It's gonna be OK. We can do this. For sure. But we can still buy new school shoes, right? Just one pair each? What? We'll see. - OK... - Be strong, Court. - Yeah. - Be strong. It's OK. - Thanks for breakfast. - No girls this morning? I snuck into their rooms and shut off their alarms. All things considered, I figure they deserve a few days off. I'm gonna grab my briefcase and I'm outta here. Have a good day. Bye-bye. - Girls? - Hey, Daddy. Just the guy we were about to look for. What are you doing? I was gonna let you sleep in. - Sleep in? No way. - OK, what's going on? - You're not gonna believe what we found. - Not "we," "you." I don't know how she does it, but before we ever left the dairy, Courtney got into Bob's computer and retrieved his hard drive. Genius! I found his plane reservations for two to the Cayman Islands. And I found out where he's staying. Check this out. - Live on streaming video! - Oh, man! I'm doing an auto save so you can turn it over to the FBI. Nice job, ladies. I'm gonna call them as soon as I get to work. Wait! You can't go without us! Just give us two seconds to change. - Don't you want to get some sleep? - Are you kidding? If we're at the dairy, that's eight hours we can't be at the mall. That's a very good point. Let's go. Behind the ears. Over the ears. Ooh, I know. One behind, one over. Oh, yeah! Hey, it's not that bad. Okay, all right, no ears. Lilly, this isn't about your ears. I'm trying to tell you something. What, that your pants are on too tight? No. Guess what famous pop star is playing Zaronda, Princess of the Undead, on Zombie High? - Paula Abdul? - No. - Hannah Montana! - That is so cool! But, wait, you don't know how to act. What are you talking about? I act every day. I act like I'm not Hannah Montana. I act like Oliver's jokes are funny. Yesterday, I acted like I liked that sweater you wore. What? Just kidding, I loved it! See? I was acting. Or was I? Ooh, you are good. Hey, do you have any scenes with Jake Ryan? I haven't gotten the script yet. But I don't care. I get enough of that egomaniac at school. Oh, come on. You so like Jake. No, I don't. How can you say that? Because every time his name comes up, you act like you can't stand him. - That's not acting. - Or is it? No! You're the only girl at school who doesn't have a crush on him. Oh, please, I think people are starting to see through his phony little game. Hey, ladies, please, no crowding. Sally, Wendy, Yolanda, you know the rules, before noon only the names that start with "A" through "L". Hey, have you guys heard? Sometime today Jake's gonna ask one lucky girl to the '70s dance. As soon as he picks one, there will be 100 depressed girls looking for a shoulder to cry on. Well, here it is, broad and water absorbent. Look at him. It's disgusting. Come on, if he asks you to the dance, are you telling me you wouldn't say yes? Yes. Yes, you'd say no or yes, you'd say yes? No! Yes, I'd say no! Hey, Miley, you wanna go to the '70s dance with me? - Yes. Aw. - I mean no. Yay! - No? - Yes, I mean no. Huh? - Now you cheer. Yay! - No? - Yes. - Yes! - No! Now stop that! Comeon! You get the limo out front Hottest styles, every shoe, every color Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun It's really you but no one ever discovers Who would have thought that a girl like me Would double as a superstar? You get the best of both worlds Chill it out, take it slow Then you rock out the show You get the best of both worlds Mix it all together And you know that it's the best of both worlds Lilly, look what I got. - Not now. Jake's about to change. - Into what? A decent human being? No, he's going to take off his rash guard. But, Lilly, I just got the script for Zombie High! No way, let me see it! Oh, man! I missed his muscles. His zombie-slaying muscles. Lilly, build a bridge and get over it. Look at the title. It's called "Forbidden Love". - I wonder if that's you! - It better not be. - Hey. What's up? - Nothing. Just a magazine. - What? - Nothing. Hi. Listen, about the dance. You, uh, seemed really nervous when I asked you, which is to be expected, 'cause, you know, look at me. I do. All the time. Even when you don't know I am. Did I say that out loud? Yes. I wanted to give you a second chance. So, you want to go with me? Jake, I wasn't nervous then and I'm not nervous now. I just don't wanna go to the dance with you. Okay, so that's a no? - Yes. - Yes? No. Now stop that. Okay. I just want you to know that I'm shooting an episode with Hannah Montana this weekend, and even though I'll be kissing her, I'll be thinking of you. - Oh, my God! Jake! I love you! - You are so amazing! Can you believe that guy? Trying to make me jealous by saying he's gonna be kissing Hannah Montana. Wait a minute! - Oh, no. - Oh, yes! This is horrible. Not only do I have to kiss him, but my lips fall off. No, it's okay. See, he reattaches them with his love. - Aw! - Ew. - Hey, Dad. What you got there? - Birthday present for Uncle Earl. - Ooh, cool, can I see? - Son, don't open it. Don't open that! Turn it off, turn it off! Three, two, one. What is wrong with you? I'm sorry, Son. I told you not to open it. You know how your Uncle Earl always sends me a prank for my birthday? Well, this year I decided it was time for a little vacuum-packed payback. Cool, can I get in on it? Oh, Son, no offense, but this game's for the big boys. Your Uncle Earl's one of the all-time great pranksters. - No. - I think you should just stay out of it. - I wouldn't want you to get hurt. - Are you saying you don't think I have what it takes to put one over on Uncle Earl? Son, you couldn't even put one over on your old man. Gee, Dad, I guess you're right. We'll see you later. - Jackson, I know that look. - What look? Bye. Something tells me this ain't gonna be pretty. But it might be fun. Hi, Hannah, I'm Roger, your director. Big fan, big fan. You look horrible. It's fantastic! Listen, I've been thinking about the script - and I've just got one little problem. - Oh, boy. No, it's just a little thing. See, do I really have to kiss that zombie slayer? Well, since the divine prophecy states that only by reawakening the cold, dead heart of the princess can the slayer rout the forces of darkness and save the world from ultimate destruction, I'm gonna have to say yes, you do. But why does he always have to save the world? I mean, can't his faithful sidekick Demon Dog save it this week? I would rather plant one on the pooch. Interesting idea. I'll mention it to the writers. But for right now, try to have fun. And remember, all of us here, big fans, big fans. Looks like we've got another diva guest star. Turn on the charm. - She's a little nervous about the kiss. - Aren't they all? I mean, look at me. Yeah, you're beautiful. Big fan, big fan. Just do it. Hi, Hannah, I'm Jake Ryan. We're thrilled to have you on the show this week. Yeah. It's gonna be real interesting for me too. So, what do you think of the script? Well, I love everything except page forty-one. Oh, the kiss. Yeah, nothing personal, buddy, but... Man, this is not my week. I mean, first, this girl I like won't go to the school dance with me and now my zombie princess won't kiss me. Yeah, well, I just don't think that the zombie princess would... Who's this girl at school? - Her name's Miley. - Wow. What an interesting name. I've never heard anything like it. She must be really unique. She is. She's cute and funny and smart. She's so down-to-earth. And when I talk to her, it doesn't feel like she's talking to Jake Ryan the celebrity, but she's talking to Jake Ryan the person. - You know what I mean? - Yeah, I do. Sometimes you need to know that people like you for who you are - and not just because you're a star. - Exactly! And she doesn't like me as a star or a person. Isn't that great? Is this a trick question? No, it's just... It's something new to me. Look, I'm really sorry I'm dumping all this on you, it's just... I can't stop thinking about her. Really? Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to forget about it. Oh, yeah, right, I suppose forgetting about her's good. So, back to the kiss. Don't worry about it, all right? Just close your eyes and count to sixty. It'll be over before you know it. - Sixty? Places! Hope you like thunder mint. Darling, in three and a half miles, you are all mine. Maybe just three. What the heck. How about I just jog down to the end of the driveway, get the mail and be right back. Come to papa. Booyah! Boy, I could use a glass of milk. Your life is about to get real interesting, Son. Zombie High bathroom. Take one! Action! - You have betrayed us, Zaronda! - No! The slayer is lying to you! I saw the two of you with my own dead eyes! - Oh, you know what this means? - No, not the third stall! Not the portal to the underworld! No! Dudes! I slayed you once, looks like I'm gonna have to slay you again. Flush twice, it's a long way down. Oh, Zaronda! Are you okay? For a dead girl, I've never felt so alive. - Then why did you run away from me? - Don't you see? Our love is forbidden. We can never be together. Then maybe this will change your mind. He really is cute. And he thinks I'm cute and down-to-earth. Oh, stop it, Miley, you don't like him. Oh, who am I kidding, yes, I do. And that thunder mint... Wow! Cut! That's lunch! What? Wait, wait, wait! What about the kiss? I thought about it and you're right. We'll see how the audience feels about the relationship first, - then bring you back. - But... In the meantime, after lunch, we'll try that kiss with Demon Dog. What? Hope you don't mind the taste of kibble and gravy. He is a messy eater. Hey! Don't listen to me. Aren't you the director? Be a man. Wow, Hannah, you were really great in that scene. You looked like you really wanted to kiss me. Yeah, well, it's called acting! You better brush them good if you're gonna be kissing me. Lilly, I've been calling you all morning! Why haven't you been answering your cell phone? My dad took it away after my last Biology quiz. Who knew photosynthesis had nothing to do with photography? Everyone. Now do you want to hear about Zombie High or not? Yes, yes, yes! Tell me everything! But start with the kiss! How was the kiss? - Wet and kibbly. - Ew. Yeah. I ended up kissing Demon Dog. Anyhoo, that's not what I wanted to tell you. It's about Jake. - I realized that I actually... - Hey, guys. - Oh, Jake. Hi. - S'up? Okay, Jake, about the dance thing... Don't worry, Miley. I'm not gonna ask you again. I've learned my lesson. - Oh, really, because I realized that... - That I should move on, I know. I know. That's why I came over here to ask Lilly. Do you wanna go to the '70s dance with me? What? - Yes. - Huh? Cool. I'll call you with the deets. I'm going to the dance with Jake I'm going to the dance with Jake Why aren't you happy dancing? Why aren't you happy dancing? - Because I like Jake. - Since when? Since he saved me from going through the portal to the underworld. Those kinds of things make you realize what's important in life. But ever since the day he got here, all I've heard from you is, "Oh, he's so stuck-up," and, "Oh, who does he think he is?" - Yeah, well, I changed my mind. - Yeah, right after he asked me. No. Actually, last night, which you would've known if you would've had your cell phone. Photosynthesis! I mean, come on! - How is this my fault? - It's not. Tell Jake that you can't go to the dance and everything will be fine. But I don't want to tell him that. But he likes me. He only asked you 'cause I said no. So, what are you saying? That I'm the canned fruit cup you get when they're all out of the chocolate pudding? - What? - You know what I mean. Well, I've got news for you. The Jake ship has sailed. And you're not on it. - I'm in a first-class cabin. - Just leave mad already! Happily! - My house is this way! - My house is that way! Morning, Son. You sure are a heavy sleeper. Well, I'm gonna get you for this! What the... What's wrong, Dad? You look a little down. Good job, Son. Now. Let me give you a little hug, okay? Oh, no. You stay away from me, sticky man. Oh, no, let me give you a little low-fat raspberry love. Bye-bye. Oh. Before digital photography, that would've taken me a week to paint. Gotta love the progress. That was a good one, Dad. That was a good one. Now give me a hug. Oh, no. Get away from me, pudding boy. - Come on. - Get away from me. Come here. Give me a hug. Daddy! That was The Miami Funk Corporation with The Groove is Gonna Getcha, Shoogie Oogie Oogie. - I'm having a great time. - Me, too. Hey, you know, that reminds me. There's something I've been wanting to do all night. Really? Oh, boy. Just stretching my lips. I heard the punch is tart. Hey, disco man, mind if I borrow your mike? Dude, are you kidding? Just let me do a quick intro. All you superfly guys, and you foxy ladies, it gives me great pleasure to introduce a living legend, a star for the ages, the King of Funkytown. Yo, Oliver, before the semester ends. And my close personal friend, JakeRyan. Who says I'm the second coolest guy at school. Thanks, everybody. I just want to say how happy I am to be part of a school where everybody is so nice and alive. - Dude. - Sorry. Anyway, I want to dedicate this song to all the friends I've made here and one very special friend. Hey, y'all. What's up? - Whoa. Whoa. What are you doing? You're supposed to be at a '70s dance, not turning letters on a game show. Oh, my goodness, I completely forgot. I hope I don't stand out. I know exactly what you're doing. You're trying to get Jake to notice you. No, I'm not. Oh. Hi, Jake. Hi, Miley. You look great. Really? I think she looks like a fire truck. A very cute fire truck. Hey, less talkie, more dancie. Oliver! Let's get this party started now! Whoo! Looks like somebody's trying to bump up the party. Everybody's doing the bump. Girls, please put the claws away. - Stay out of this, Jake! - Yeah, we're fighting over you. - Knock it off, he's my date! - Yeah, well, he asked me first! You said no, three times! Forgive me for thinking that meant no. Hey. Well, you're forgiven. - Chocolate pudding! - Fruit cup! Wait. Celebrity in pain. Congratulations. You made me look ridiculous in front of Jake. Oh, yeah? Look what you did to me. I'm not the one trying to steal someone else's date. - How could you do that to me? - I don't know. I mean, it was Jake and he's just so cute. And that thunder mint. Wow, and I kissed a dog. I think I deserved it! Well, you can have him. I don't like him that much, anyway. - Since when? - Since... Since I saw the way he looked at you. - Lilly, I mean, I just... - Forget it. Easy come, easy go. You go back out there. I'll just rinse the sherbet out of my wig. - You gonna be okay? - Yeah, I'm fine. - Lilly. - It's nothing. I'm just rinsing my wig. With my tears. Why aren't you leaving? Because I hurt my best friend over some guy. And nobody, not even Jake Ryan, is worth that. - I'm sorry, Lilly. - You should be. - Ew. You smell really bad. - You smell really bad, too. - Hey, you two okay? - Yeah. We're fine. Yeah, we talked. We worked it all out. Sorry, Jake, I'm not into you anymore. That's cool. So, Miley, - you want to dance? - No, thanks. I'm gonna dance with my best friend. Whatever. So who wants to do the Hustle with Jake Ryan? - I don't know what they see in him. - Neither do I. - Good thing we're over him. - Oh, yeah. Hey, Jackson, get up and get me a soda, would you? Yeah, sure. I go open the refrigerator and a monkey pops out and hits me over the head with a banana. - You want a drink, you go get it. - Oh, no. I see what you're doing. Turn it around so I get up and open up the fridge and a monkey hits me in the face with a pie. A- ha! So there is a monkey! - Oh, no, man. I'm not getting it. - Neither am I. Let the monkey get it. Well, maybe there's a ten million dollar winner at the next house. Come on, guys. I'm hungry. Mooovie Monday! The only cure I know for the Monday blues is... Varsity Blues. Let's go! Let's go, let's go, let's go! Take a seat down there. Second from the end. All right, everybody here? Yes. Popcorn, anyone? Yes, please! Thank you. Anyone else? No. Movie Monday started with training videos. But we went through those pretty fast. Then we watched a medical video. Since then, it's been half hour installments of various movies. With the exception of an episode of Entourage, which Michael made us watch six times. Entourage! Kevin, would you like to do the scenes from last week? Yes. Why him? Don't whine. Get the windows. Previously on Varsity Blues... Okay, Billy Bob got a head injury, but coach made him play. So then Lance, he gets sacked. And he's out for the year. Hello? Not everyone approves of movie Monday. I won't say who. I don't approve. I don't. Hello? Let's go after that title now. Let's go, let's go! Let's go! Hi, Jan! Hope you brought the Milk Duds. How would a movie increase productivity, Michael? How, on earth, would it do that? People work faster after. Magically. No. They have to, to make up for the time... watching the movie. No. Do I need to hire a babysitter for you... Kitchen. Some little 14-year-old girl whose job it is... Michael is going to get us all fired. You sat back and let him play that dumb movie and now Jan is peeved off. And we're all going to lose our jobs. That's not going to happen. You know she has it out for him now. That's not his fault. He had to follow his heart. Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan's been bitching out on him. Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms. Dwight, you should be running this office. Michael would never let me. It's not up to Michael. It's Jan's call. Talk to her. I could never do that. Fine, sit back and do nothing and let us all get fired. I know that patience and loyalty are good and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair. At the Stanford branch, they all play this World War II video game called Call of Duty. And they're all really into it. I'm told it started as a team building exercise. Unfortunately, I really suck at it. Oh. We didn't play many video games in Scranton. Instead we'd do stuff like... Uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high pitched note. And try to get Dwight to make an appointme with an ear doctor. And Pam called it... Pretendonitis. Hey, Kelly, my stuff just got here. Kelly really likes to online shop. So I felt like I wanted some new clothes. I mean, I just... I wanted to... I felt like it was time to maybe, um... just get new clothes. Okay. I love it. Really? I don't know. Now, you haven't even tried it on yet. Try it on. Not at work. I'll try it on-- Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! No. Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Why did you do that? I'm just killing Germans any way I can. We're on the German team. Shoot the British. Wait, are we playing teams? Yeah. Wah! Gah! Hello? Is this Jan? Who is this? This is Dwight Schrute. I am calling about an extremely sensitive matter. You should talk to Michael and he'll talk to me and that way we don't have to speak to each other. It's about Michael. What about him? I can't talk here. It's too sensitive. It's not about a surprise party, is it? No, but we should discuss that another time. Look, I'm already an hour outside of Scranton, Dwight. I am not coming back. Pull over at exit 40. There is a Liz Claiborne outlet. I know you like that store. Go inside and shop until I can meet you. How do you know I like that store? Many of your blouses are Claibornes. How do you know that? It's part of my job. No, it's not. It's officially not. Noted. * Mm mm mm * I'm going to the dentist. Okay. I have to have an emergency crown put in. Ouchy. Yes. It's a new dentist. He's far. I might be gone three hours. Three hours, wow. Have fun. Did you get anything good? Yeah. New blouse? Halter top? Camisole? Teddy? I could save the branch. Really. If you let me run it. Okay. Okay, I can run it? What would you do differently? Mostly get rid of waste. Which is half the people there. And clean house. Right here. It's all for me. Thank you. Dwight, you just feel strongly to speak with me this way behind Michael's back. And turn on so many of your co-workers. The decision to turn on Michael was difficult. But once I did it, I didn't look back. And mostly I feel that Michael would approve. It's really what's best for the branch. And I could care less about my co-workers. So, here we are. It's all on the table. I want the branch. And I await your decision. Oh, by the way... There's a new Ann Taylor outlet store near here. I know you like their earrings. Where is it? Michael. Hi. I've had a very interesting conversation with one of your employees. Oh, that's nice. No, it wasn't. Dwight just told me that he thinks he can run the branch better than you. What? Mm-hmm. You were at the dentist? You can't have people undermining you. Get control of your branch immediately. Okay. What was Dwight thinking? That he could turn Jan against me? She's my ex-lover...ishh. Wow. It's so sexy. You look so hot. It's really something. It's too much. What? I'm gonna return it. No, you have to keep it today. Just see how you feel. Hey. Hi. You look nice. Thanks. Isn't that, like, your third soda today? Yeah, I think we can be a big help to your company. Okay, see you next week. Bye. Again? Scared? Call of Duty! Andy, Jim, can I see you in the conference room for a minute? Now? Yes, now. Put the game on hold, everyone. This is not working, okay? We are getting slaughtered out there. It's the new guy. Oh, I'm sorry, I don't know... what we're talking about. See what I mean? We just need a strategy, okay? We're gonna set up a trap in the gun room. All right, Jim, are you using the MP-40 or the 44? Um, sniper rifle? Snipe-- What? Are you playing for the other team? You don't snipe in Carrington, okay? Saboteur! Saboteur! I'm gonna kill you for real. The game is over. I'm really going to shoot you. Hey, Dwight... Hey. You want an mm? No, thanks, I'm stuffed. No, seriously. You should have an mm. They're really good. Okay. Good, huh? So good. Hey, I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple of hours after you've had a crown put in. They have this new kind of quick drying bonding. So... Sounds like a good dentist. Oh, yeah. What's his name? Crentist. Your dentist's name is Crentist. Yeah Huh. Sounds a lot like dentist. Maybe that's why he became a dentist. Let me see your teeth. Let me see 'em. Let me see 'em. Ohh. You should floss. I know. Well then. I'm glad you're okay. Business is like a jungle. And I am like a tiger. And Dwight is like a monkey... that stabs a tiger in the back with a stick. Does the tiger fire the monkey? Does the tiger transfer the monkey to another branch? Pun. There is no way of knowing what goes on inside the tiger's head. We don't have the technology. Dwight, can I talk to you for a second? Wow, this is tough! Brrrrr! What? Oh. Aaaarg! What is it? Well... I just got off the phone with Jan. And, um... She demoted me. No. Yeah. You know what the craziest part of this is? She demoted me to your job. And she said that you should be expecting a call later from corporate. And that, um... I guess that means that you are going to be acting manager of Dunder-Mifflin Scranton. I can't believe this news. That...wow. Yeah. I told her I didn't know whether you'd wanna do it. Because you've always been so loyal to me. You've been my most trusted ally. You said that? Yep, I did. I did. But I think... you should do it. Well... Gosh, if you think I should. Then I will. Perfect. Well, we're settled. All right. All right. Well, then you are now acting manager of Dunder-Mifflin Scranton branch. And I am assistant regional manager. Assistant to the regional manager. Thank you, Michael, for staying on. I really appreciate it. Hey, hey. I can't imagine this place without you. Can you? That's so nice. Well, um... I guess we should go tell the troops. Yeah, when I'm ready, Mike. Okay, let's do it. Hey. Hi, hello. Everybody, I have some good news. And I have some bad news. I am being replaced as your leader by Dwight. You're kidding. You might think that I am kidding and I understand that. Congratulations, Dwight. Thank you, Angela. But why Dwight? Because Dwight never lies. How does that qualify him to run a branch? Because that's all it takes. Okay, Dwight, would you like to say a few words to everybody about loyalty? Thank you, Michael. I just wanna say to the few of you who will remain under my employ, that I intend to lead you into the black with ferocity. Michael, what will you do? Oh, I'll be fine. Do you have any savings? No, no, I don't. Michael, you might lose your condo. I won't. I won't. I have this little vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that could be manager. Maybe I'll quit. It's really happening. Yes. We can make a difference here. I will make a difference here. You alone? 'Cause I thought together... Oh, please, don't be naive. You can be in charge of the women. Look how cute he is. And he's trying to shoot with a smoke grenade. I'm sorry, what are you whispering back there? Nothing, just concentrate on turning around. I'm trying. I just... Just tap S then D. Oh. Any last words? No? What? Wow. Psychopath. What? I'm just looking. Please go back to your desk. In a minute. Well, I remember why I dress the way I do at work. But I'm gonna keep the clothes. I mean, it'll just be cool to have some after work clothes other than pajamas. Well, I guess it's time... that I turn over the keys to the famous Sebring. No, thank you. It's a corporate lease, Dwight. You've earned it. No, thanks. What? Not my style. But you said you liked it. You've always admired it. That was before. I'm thinking about getting something German. Something with decent gas mileage. Plus the convertible is a ridiculous choice for this climate. Take it back. No. That's my car. What did you-- That's my car! Yes. I know, Dwight. I know. I know. I know. You know what? Jan called me about your little meeting! No. I know what you did. I made the whole thing up, Dwight. The Sebring's cool. Oh, do you? Do you like the Sebring? How dare you! How dare you, Dwight? Don't fire me. Please. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't fire you right here on the spot. I have excellent sales numbers! Not good enough! I'll do anything! Anything! I'll do your laundry for a month! For a year! Michael! I have a laundry machine. I'm sorry. I'll do anything. Please. Please. I don't know if I can trust you anymore. You can't. You can't. But I promise I'll never betray you again. What can I do, Michael? What can I do? What can I do? What can I do? What can I do? You can get up. Get up. And you can hug it out, bitch. Hug it out, bitch. That is what men say to each other after a fight. They hug it out. And in doing so, they just let it go. And walk away. Then they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman, however... I have found. Doesn't translate. Yep, we huged it out. But, it turns out I was a little hangry. So I felt I needed to punish him jusl a little bit more. And I make him do my laundry for a year. Microphone check. Mike check. Sounds good. Nate? Nate! Check. Hang on! "I know that I don't understand, where my feeling grows. I've got to look outside again." You ready to meet your maker, sis? If you don't, he'll never let you go to Moscow. Just zip it up! This is it. See you at the bottom! - He never waits. - It runs in the family. Okay. There you go. Any final words? - How about you? - It's all been said. You coming? You go first. Doesn't sound like... ...you, Nate. Well, don't wait too long. There's something I want to tell you at the bottom. Something that changes everything. What is it? After. I'll tell you after. No, really, what is it? Addy! Over here. Hey, stop. Stop. Stop! Stop! Ladies and gentlemen we are experiencing some turbulence. The captain has requested that all passengers return to their seats, fasten their seatbelts and make sure table, please, and seat back to their upright and locked position. Captain will notify you when it is safe once again to move about the cabin. That was some drop. Oh, thank God I wasn't shaving my armpits or plucking a nose hair or something. Spare me the visuals, man. Oh, you want to get into bathroom visuals, little brother? I recall a certain incident a couple of years back when Mom walked into the ba... It was a science project. Yeah, right. So, what do you reckon, Nate? Stalin's secret metro system, Ivan the Terrible's torture chambers, a whole bunch of other weird stuff going on down there. You think that's all true? I think we're about to find out. Ladies and gentlemen we will be landing in Moscow... ...shortly. Please, ensure you have... ...filled out your Customs and lmmigration... form prior to leaving the aircraft. I thought I'd do some fishing. Night fishing. Wait a second. Hey... - Nikolai. - Hey-hey. Pleased to meet you, man. This is my wife, Adrian. Oh, hi. Hi. Hey, man, I'm... I have fans! No, we have fans. Moscow. Microphone check one, two, one, two. Microphone check, one, two, one, two. Nate, can you check me? Can you hear? Yeah, check. Okay, heads up. Remember, the motion detectors are every twenty meters. Let's go. How far to the entrance? A ways. There. What? Make sure the driver... ...doesn't see you. Nate! There! Get inside, I'll hide behind you. What? But it's loose! Man, I'm gonna kill you. Addy! See if you can find the entrance. - Are you all right? - Yeah. I don't know how many more times I can do that. We gotta get outta here before the next train. Almost. Come on, Nate! Nate? Almost there. It's coming. What? - Almost there. - Come on, Nate, hurry! I think we needed a... I think we're at the bottom. Are we? Yeah, this it. Okay. All right. Just like the brochure said. All right. I think it smells worse on this side of the wall. Oh, man, check it out. Like some kind of mad scientist's dead pet collection. Daddy! Oh, look at this. Hey, what's wrong, what's, what's down there? Let me check it out. Didn't know you were so squeamish, bro'. - What is it? - Rats. Let's get out of here. Come on, Nate. Let's go. Radiation, I imagine. What are you thinking? I thought you weren't supposed to ask that question. Sorry. Hey. I'm getting the cell phone, you idiot. What for? I just wanna check on her, that's all. What are you doing? Coming? - What, home? - Yeah. - Really? - Yeah. I miss her, too. It's a bit early, huh? Just conked out. How was it any good? No, it was terrible. Oh, hey. She wanted to give it to you herself, but she, she just passed out. Hey. Let me take her. Come on, sweetie. Oh, let's go. Thank you. This is Metro Two. According to the map it is. Ah, a Chevy LaSalle. Looks like the end of the line, huh? - It shouldn't be. - Hey, how the F... do you think they got this thing all the way down here? Jay! Shut up! Nate! Over here. You think it could it be that easy? Oh... figured. "I know that I don't understand where my feeling grows. I've got to look out side again and wonder where I've gone." Nate? Do you think they're looking for us? I don't think so. Do you know where we're going? Not exactly. Over here. There's another door. What? What is she saying? Wait! What is she saying? Which way are we going? This way! This way. Hurry! Let's go, this way! Wait! Just wait! Okay. This way. Go, go, go, go, go! Shit. All right. This way! Here! Go, go. Addy? Hold it right there. Stop! Sir? Building security. Stop right there. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Come on. Are we back in the civilian metro yet? I guess so. That elevator isn't on the map. Where are we going now? Sh. Turn off your headlamps. Maybe we should check it out. Nate! Hey! Hey! Hey! Open up! - Nate! - Hey! Nate... Are you okay? Where are we going? I don't know. They said there's been an accident. Accident. Yeah. They've sealed off the entire metro. This train do you know where it's going? Do you understand English? I asked, where is this train going? Oh, I'm not scared of this one. Hey, just smile, KC. What are you doing? KC. Say hi. Hi. Now you got the picture. Okay, KC. Slow down. Wanna go on the horses? I don't wanna go on the horsies. You just gotta wait. - KC? - Yeah? You wanna go on the horses? No. No? Hi, KC. Wanna go ride on the horses? Yeah, let's go! Okay! Oh, now you wanna go? I've been asking you for ten minutes and now you wanna go? Nate, right? Hi, I'm Cindy. Nice to meet you. - Hi. - Yeah. Hi. Do, do I know you? Our kids go to preschool together. - Right, yeah. - Yeah. Pleased to meet you. Uh-huh. Show me your hand again? What's that? Just an old tattoo. So, uh, where did you say you were from again? - Originally? - Russia. Russia. - Russia? - Uh-huh. Moscow. - Moscow. - Uh-huh. Right. I'm not afraid to let you know how I feel. What about you? Hi, honey! Where's your little friend? Where's KC? I don't know. Where is she? Where did she go? KC! KC! Where is this train going? Tell me! Does anyone here speak English? English! Do you speak English! Do you understand me? English! KC! Nate, please stop it. What are you saying? Nathan, no! No! No, what are you doing? What is it, Nate? What did you see? - She was here. - Who? She's gone, Nate. But I'm still here. We're still here. Please. Choose us. Man. How long have we been down here? I don't know. Stupid thing stopped working. Mine, too. I'll see if they speak English. Oh, my God. The radiation's off the chart. Come on. Go. You okay? Yeah, I'm fine. You don't look fine. Here. You don't look fine. So what now, Nate? I said I'd get us outta here and I will. Do you have any idea where we're going, Nate? What's wrong? She's sick, Nate. Remember? Come on. I'm pregnant. What? Are you sure? Three months. Why didn't you tell me? I tried. What? Look. God. Addy? We're gonna get you outta here, okay? No, you're not. What are you saying? Look! Look at me! You did this to me! I'm sorry. Too late for that, Nate. No. No. I'm gonna get you outta here. Come on! Yeah, right. You don't even know where we are! Shut up, man! Oh, my God. Nate! Nate! Nate! Go, go, go! This way, go, go! Sh. Hey, get down. They're out there. I'm going out to talk to them. It's okay. Once they realize we're foreigners. - They'll kill us! - Really. No. - Come on. - lf they see us... Hey! Hey, what the hell are you doing? Hey don't shoot! We're coming. Shut up! Shut up! Jay! Jay! What's happening to you? Hey it's okay! - Jay! Jay! - Come on. It's okay. We're coming out! We're co... Hey! We're coming out. Don't shoot! We speak, uh, we speak... Hey, uh, we speak... I'm coming. All right. Don't shoot! We're coming out! Hey, we're foreigners! We're coming out! Hello! Can yo-, answer me! Wait, don't shoo... Wait. Jay! Jay! Jay! Addy. Addy? Addy. Jay! Come on. Jay! Get off! Why didn't you tell me about the baby? I was going to tell you on the plane on the way home. You'd have never brought me on this trip. Exactly. I needed this trip. We needed this trip. These trips are the only thing that's keeping us together. It's the only time you don't shut me out. What's wrong? Oh, Go... What's wrong? Addy? Addy? Addy! "I know that I don't understand where my feeling grows. I've got to look outside a gain." - Did you see a little girl? - "And wonder..." "...where I've gone." KC? "I looked into some eyes again. And it's been lost so long. I never..." Jeez! Jeez! Whoa, Jeez! Nate! Nate! Nate! Addy! Nate! Addy! Addy! Addy! Daddy! I need you to help me. No, no, no, no! KC! No! K... Good one with the cab little brother. That's all right. Let's get the van in the morning. Go! Windsor Hotel, please. What took you so long? Security guards. Thought I was a jumper. What? What do you think of near death experiences? Supposedly, in the moments right before you die, you see scenes of your life as well as fabrications of how you wished you'd lived. It's as if your brain was trying to change its choices and your regrets give birth to their own reality. And your point is? Do you think KC had any regrets? I mean, what do you think went through her mind in those last moments? Three-year-olds don't have regrets. Sorry. What's on your mind? Nothing. I just want to hold you. All right. You remember that thing I wanted to tell you? Yeah? Do you really want to know? I don't know. Do I? I don't want you to get upset. Tell me. I'm pregnant. What? What's wrong, honey? Building security. Stop right there. Hold it. Get over here. Stop it. Please. Stop, stop, stop! Stop! Stop! I can't believe we're doing this. I need to get out. Stop the car. Sorry, Addy. Sorry. Nate! Well, don't wait too long. There's something I want to tell you at the bottom. Something that changes everything. What is it? After. I'll tell you after. You remember that thing I wanted to tell you? Yeah. Do you really wanna know? I don't know. Do I? I'm pregnant. I'm not afraid to let you know how I feel. What about you? She's gone, Nate. But I'm still here. We're still here. Please. Choose us. Addy. I can't live with the guilt any longer. No! No! No. No! No! No! No! No! Let me out! Let me out! Let... I'm sorry. HEYSAN SWEDEN Ta-da! Ta-da! - Welcome to the company, Lars. - Thank you. What I'm hoping for by bringing you into the company is to get another dimension into the things that Frank and I do. - We're thinking internationally. - Exactly. Imagine a stool with only two legs. You can rest on it, but it's not steady. It needs a third leg. - That's you. - I'm really glad you're in. So am I, damn it. Welcome, Lars. - Towards new horizons. Cheers. - Cheers. - We've got a little... - A little present. Of course we trust you 100 %, but nevertheless our first company present to you is a lie detector. - No..! - Look. - What do I do? - Put your hand here. We'll ask you some questions, and if you lie you'll get zapped. - Are you happy to join us? - Yes. - Are you happy with the split? - Well... - Are you in love with your wife? - Ouch! Shit! Ouch! Welcome to the company. We can get that out anytime. - Bloody hell. - Did you learn your lesson? - In our company, we don't lie. - Hi, honey. I just got electrocuted. It's really nice. - Congratulations, Lars. - Thanks. - Don't forget the swing set. - Do we have to discuss that now? - You promised to do it today. - I will. - What is it with that swing set? - Mia doesn't want it. - Strange time to ask you. - It reminds her of children. - Shall we take it down? - Yes, would you help me? - Do you want another bottle? - Yes, please. Whisky? What about some whisky? Frank? Frank? Wake up. There's a man in our garden. - What? - There's a man in our garden. Say something. Eh... I think you're on private property. You need to go away, okay? - He's mentally retarded. - Is he? - Yes. - Go down there. You need to go out the same way you came in. Go away! He doesn't understand. - Hi. - Hi. - This is my son, Mikkel. - Oh... - We live next door. - I asked Mikkel to go out. - Yes, I heard. - He's trespassing. We had an arrangement with the people who lived here before. Mikkel could use the swing, whenever he wanted to. Didn't they tell you? Not directly, but... Mikkel doesn't have many joys in life. He loves to swing. - We're not too happy about that. - It's okay. - Thanks. That's nice of you. - What? Come on. Go inside. We can't have a spaz sitting in our garden. - You could have taken it down. - Is it my fault now? You promised to get rid of it. Now we're stuck with him. - Are you ready? - Let's get going. - Ready for Sweden? - Oh yes. I'm so looking forward to this. - Hi, honey. - Hi, Mia! - Have you had a fight? - It's that swing. It's just a bloody swing set. It's just a bloody swing set. We've now got an autistic boy using it. - We can't stop him. - Make sure he doesn't want to, then. You have to try and use a bit of psychology. The mentally retarded have to have a treat... - A reward. - A reward. "Make your bed." Or a punishment if they misbehave. "You didn't make your bed." Bang! Make sure he has a bad experience every time he goes on the swing. - Beat him with a stick or... - Adjust his behaviour. He would get bruises. That won't do. Give him a small electric shock. Use a car battery or something. - It's dead unpleasant. - I've got one here. - We've got the solution right here. - Frank, it's completely harmless. It's not very far now. - We've been going 300 km. - Yeah, alright... We're there within 20 minutes. We have to leave the big roads now and move into the... the outback, or whatever the hell it's called. What a great car. -... TV and films and so on. - Are you an actor? Yes, we all are. Would you like to become an actor? - And you live here in..? - Yes, I live in town. - Hi. - Hi. We'd like this and some diesel as well. - Come by, if you want to. - Yes, I'd like that. Bring some friends. We could do dinner, right? We've got food and wine. - Cool. - Yeah. - What was that? - Swedish flickor. - A bit of... - God, you're efficient. I'm dead quick. I'm a snabbig skådis på loppis. This way and then... left. - That's nice. - What a nice place. - Pure Swedish idyll. - "Hejsan, Sweden." - It's old shite. - Derelict farms always are. It was built back in the mid-70's. Can you feel the harmony? It's cool that we can do these things together. That's the thing about stools. You need the right balance. - I've got a bite! - No way, Frank. - Pull it in, nice and gently. - Wow... - Great-looking fish. - Get it, Lars. It's a perch. Great, Lars. Watch out. It's got spines on its back. - How cool. - I've got it. Leave it in the net. I'll release it. - What do you want to do that for? - That's what you do. - Who does that? - Proper anglers. - Is it dangerous? - What are you on about? It's to keep the stocks. So others can experience the same joy. What kind of idiotic thinking is that, catching a fish again and again, until its mouth is really sore? It's "catch and release". That's the philosophy behind it. My philosophy is "catch and eat". You're just jealous. No, I'm not. You've completely misunderstood this. Release it. No, I'm not. You've completely misunderstood this. Release it. - Not after all that hassle. - Hassle? You threw out a line. We've only been here an hour. You're not killing it... - Bloody hell, Frank. - Right. It's dead now. - God, that's disgusting. - What are you doing, Lars? You don't take the bullet out out of a deer, either and then stitch it up again and let it go. Why did you have to kill it? - You've got a good throw. - I had the right flick of the wrist. Do you think he's still angry? - Lars? - Lars? - He's in the car. - Is he sulking? Lars! - Hi, Lars. Are you okay? - Yeah. I'm just reading. - Why are you in the car? - Because it's got light. What are you reading? - "Dances With Wolves"? - Are you sulky? I just thought it was weird that you used the knife. Come on, Lars. I'd like us all to clear the air. The three of us are up here to... to make a stool. It's stupid if the two of you get in a clinch. If the stool only has two legs it'll fall over. Yeah, fall over or scratch the floor... Maybe I was... Sometimes I lose my temper. - That's understandable. - I'd like to apologise. That's it. - Great, Lars. - Cool. Time for red wine. What the hell is that? You've got to be kidding. - Hey. - Hi there. - Was it hard to find? - No. - Hello there. - Hi. - Oh... - Hi. Welcome. You slipped under my arms... Good to see you. - Frank. - Carolina. Welcome. Dear friends, welcome to our house. Let's have a nice evening. What the hell is that? - That's a good one. - I made a hat. It's Pierrot. Is that the map? Yeah. I put Sweden on my head. - Would you like to try? - I'll drown in it. That's great. We've got the same head size. Did you know that? - Good night. We're going up. - What are you doing? Well, we've had enough. Will you put out the fire..? - Yeah, yeah. - So will we, then. Carolina, your eyes are really beautiful, when the light from the flames meets the Swedish night sky. The sparks in the fire are like the stars in your eyes. - That's sweet. - Ever seen a star up close? It's just a sand ball with a big crater in it. Excuse me. I have to pee. Frank, move up the field. I'm on a home run. - She's yours, you mean? - Damn right. You've been sitting there with the hat on, and you haven't scored once. - Oh. - So good night, Frank. - Carolina, come and sit down. - I think I'll go to bed as well. - Okay... - Thanks for a nice evening. Right. Oh... - Sleep tight. - Good night. Oh. - I'm 66 percent there. - With that one? - Yes... - She's 100 percent gone. - Sleep tight, mate. - Thanks. - Sleep tight. - It's great to have you here. - I've had a great day. - We're so glad you joined us. Just one more, and then it's time for bed. No! No! What's going on? - Get down there. - I've got no idea. Get off! No! - What are you doing, Lars? - Lars! Lars! - What are you doing, Lars? - Lars! Lars! Get off her! What the hell are you doing? Relax. I was just... You sick bastard! Are you demented or what? Take it easy. There's no reason to... What's happening..? Are you leaving? Well... But you also have to remember that if we have good team spirit there has to be room to step out of line. I just don't think he can represent us. - We've done some stuff as well.. - Oh, yes. - Good morning. - Good morning. - Good work. - Well done... welcome to Sweden. - Damn, I've got a headache. - Nice way of saying goodbye. They've got public access in this country, don't they? You owe us some Swedish pussy. I'm serious. "Du skyllar på knulla," as they say in Swedish. My fault. It wasn't... It's Casper. Hi, Melinda. Hi... Yeah... God, yeah. We're just sitting here and... we're shocked... Lars feels really bad about it. She's done what? No, Melinda, Melinda. Hold on. No, he hasn't. Why would she say that? Now? Okay, I'll tell him. Fine. Bye. - She's told people she was raped. - By me? - She told her family and... - I didn't do a thing. Her brother and his friends are on their way up here now. - And they're not coming for beer. - I'm going now, then. I don't know about you, but I'm packing now. - I'm really bad at fighting. - We're not going to fight. - We're not... - I can't fight. No, not for Lars. - Why don't we call the police? - He raped her, damn it. - Well, not really. - Do you want to go to court? - We'll pack. - Let's go. - Go now, Frank. - Easy. Remember whose fault this is. - Come on, Frank. - Go, damn it! - It's dead. - Isn't it just the alarm..? - No. It's completely dead. - Did you have the reading light on? - Yes. - And you switched it off again? - I'm not sure about that. - Did you put the light on to read? You have to switch it off again. Otherwise you use all the power. You don't have to be Edison to figure that out. What a shitty car if you can't even put the light on. Let's proceed systematically and follow the lead. Can you use the power from a mobile phone? And reboot? An extra battery would have been good. - That's why you need a spare. - What's this? It's... no. Bloody hell. - Jesus. - Casper, you deal with this. - There we have the bastards. - Hi. This is private property. You have no right to enter. I don't know what you heard, but you can put those clubs back. I'm getting out of here. Run, damn it! Run! Stop, Frank. Stop. - Where are they? - I can't go any further. Be quiet. Quiet, Lars. We lost them. Alright, guys. Those fucking Swedish bastards can't beat us. We'll run. - We can't go back that way. - Let's walk out to the main road. - We can't go back that way. - Let's walk out to the main road. We'll hitch a lift to Göteborg. And then we have to find someone to pick up your car. Well... The stool certainly ran like the blazes. - Can we have a break? - No, we're almost there. Frank, can I have a biscuit? Thank you. Watch those branches. They can take out your eye. - I can't be bothered anymore. - We've already been here. This is where we started. I can recognise that stone. This is where we started. - We've been here before. - I can't walk anymore. If you hadn't made that Napoleon's hat we would have had a map. If we'd had a car battery we wouldn't need the map. - We came from that side. - No, we came from there. No, it's more... no... Sitting here right now I can see that... That... I'm really sorry about that thing yesterday. I feel that I'm the one who's put us in this situation. I'm glad you say that. I think you overstepped the mark. Now we've said it, right? - Are you hungry? - Jesus, man. I'm bloody starving. - Could we have the biscuits, Lars? - Oh yeah. Cool. Well... - How could you eat 25 biscuits? - I was hungry. You can't just eat all 400 grams. It's 100 grams each and 100 grams to share. That's 133 grams of biscuit each. I asked you if you wanted biscuits when we were walking over there. And you said no. We were going to save them for dinner. Is this some kind of quiz? Do I have to guess when you want biscuits? I'm going to lie down. Frank, I can hear a car. Lars, wake up. It's a car! Hush... It's over here. Come on! Hey! Hey! It's Melinda. Hey, Melinda! Hey! Hey! Melinda! Melinda! At last. I've looked for you everywhere. Come in. I've been so worried. That's great. Thanks, Melinda. Out. I don't want you in here. - What? - Out! Why the hell can't I go? - We'll find another car. - I'd like to go with Melinda. Come on, Frank. We'll find someone else and go together. I'm still angry about the biscuits. - Do you call this a stool? - Not anymore. You leave one of the legs out in the woods. Casper and I are more like a married couple who adopted a boy and regretted it afterwards. So... Hey. Hey! Hi, honey. - Hi. - Hi. - Did you wire up the swing? - No. No... Did they find electricity out there? Mikkel has lost all urge to go on the swing. I'm sorry to hear that. Frank, did you wire up the swing set? No, I didn't. Does Wo live here? You got the wrong house. There's no such person. My name is Tai. I'll just wait for him. Does Wo live here? There's no such person. How can we settle this? Wo should've never come back. Now he has to die. We grew up together. We joined the gang together. Spare his life. It's not like I have a choice. I wish I were you. It's your move. Oh crap! �oss Fay ordered the hit. Boss Fay, this is Sergeant Shan. I bumped into your men. What they do is not my business. I was just passing by. Their guns are pointed at me. Don't cause me trouble. My job is over in 3 days. Yes, Boss Fay. Thank you, �oss Fay. �aby is hungry. Let's sit down and talk. There's no furniture. Pardon me... Coming through... You're too fat! Don't block the staircase! You're so clumsy! Sorry...sorry... One more. �re you all right? �ow old is your son? He's one month old today. Really? Only one month old? �e's a big baby. I have to kill you. What's your last wish? Nobody will touch Wo. My family needs money to live. You were gone for so long. Why come back? I like it this way. We spent years on the road. I wanted a home. You could've found another place to settle down. I have to carry out �oss Fay's order. Explain to Boss Fay. �ow? Wo almost took his life. Wo and I plotted the assassination. �e took the wrap for me. I have to protect him. Enough. How much time do you need? I'll tell you tomorrow. Be a good boy. Listen to your mom. Thanks. Please spare our lives. Fat, you'll take the first shift; I'll take the second. Cat, keep an eye on Fat. Have you killed Wo? Have you? Not yet. Should I find someone else to do it? No. I'll take care of it. This is the last time I'll be calling you. I'm sorry. Welcome to Macau, Boss Fay. Uncle Fortune, has �oss Keung accepted our terms? That punk won't cooperate with us. Take care of him. Then we'll talk. Understood? Yes. $350 a day. Extra bed costs $50. How many rooms? I'm looking for Jeff. I've got jobs lined up for you. Jeff. We are in a mess. Times are changing. We're ushering in a new regime. Lots of old scores waiting to be settled. �ow much do you want to earn? Can we speed this up? He's Cripple Joe. $1 00,000 price on his head. He's hiding on a boat in the international waters. �e's Sonny. $1 50,000 price on his head. You have to go into prison to kill him. He's �lackie. $200,000 price on his head. He's enjoying a tan in Thailand. Plane ticket is not included. Want to smuggle cocaine? What more do you have? We want a quick job in Macau. As long as it pays generously. I got something big. Are you interested? What is it? Gold. Real gold. So? This tip is only for good friends. Maybe you'll like the sound of it. Maybe you won't. �ut keep it a secret. � ton of gold will be transferred tomorrow. The truck will pass by �uddha Mountain. You hijack the gold. I'll find you a buyer. 50-50 share. Who does the gold belong to? Powerful government officials. It's their corruption money. Think it over. I will take the job. I'll take it. But we can't wait until tomorrow. Who knows if the gold is for real? What other choices do we have? How about Blackie? Cripple Joe? �oss Keung. This won't be easy. It'll cost you. I'll pay any price. �e's Boss Keung. $500,000 price on his head. Lately he's become Macau's most powerful gangster. Your odds of escaping alive are slim. This is it. Tonight 8 pm. Yat Chung Restaurant. When someone says, "I'll check the shark fins", take the shot. Jeff. Thanks. Be careful. She's all yours. Thank you! Thank you. You owe me nothing. Make sure my wife gets the money. I do whatever pleases me. After I finish the job, we'll settle the score. Sure. I'll wait for you. Boss Keung, welcome. You're punctual. I prepared fish and shark fins for you. The same old stuff. Macau cuisine bores me. �ow about a glass of Mateus? Anything less than Chateau Lafite '82 is garbage! Cut the crap, Uncle Fortune. I won't cooperate with an outsider. We'll all be the same people under the new regime. We're Chinese. We're from Macau. But �oss Fay is from �ong Kong. I'll check the shark fins. �oss Fay. Sit! Here I am. Are you happy now? These are hard times for you. Anyone who's rich and powerful is leaving this island. Macau has no room for outsiders like you. Boss Fay, did you arrange this meeting? Why didn't you inform me? We're partners. Old farts like you are useless. It's time to retire. I'm taking over. If you agree, we'll split the profits 40/60. Eat shit. I may be crazy... Traitors. I'm not stupid. No need to hide your gun. Everyone carries a piece these days. He has one. So does he. �nd so does he. He's paid to kill you. Uncle Fortune ordered it. Stop hiding behind the shades. Want to stay invisible? Why didn't you kill Wo? Who's been feeding you? Who's your boss? Bulletproof vest? My balls! Finish your job! I'll kill �oss Fay! Cat! Wo! Let's go! Wo! Let's go! Blackie! I'm responsible for setting up Uncle Fortune. That old fart is better off dead. But you got potential. Now I'm here in Macau... Either we'll prosper together, or I'll get rid of you. - What? - Push! I was just passing by. None of my business. My job will expire in 27 hours. What? Where to? How should I know? Where to? The hospital! You lost your mind? We can't go to the hospital. I know an underground clinic. He's losing blood. You should've been dead! You can't kill Wo! He saved your life! You should've been dead! Pay up! You're supposed to stay for the night. Here's half of the money. �ome... Go home... �urry! 50 thousand. How about 30? It's a deal. �ow much do you have on you? Only 1 thousand. I got 4 thousand. That's 5 thousand. I got 7 thousand. Add my 5 thousand. Total is 1 7 thousand. We'll have to go into hiding. Should we bring Wo along? �is family too. Where will we go? Let's worry about that later. Where's doc? He's treating a patient. Bring me bandages. Treat me first. Looks serious. My fee is 50 thousand. �re you joking? I don't see Wo. I don't care what you do. Just find them! Thank you. Where to? Go home. Go home! Wo... �e's dead. �ow? Pack your things. We should go. Which way? You decide. I have no idea. Let's toss. Get in. It's leaking gas. What? It's leaking gas! Thanks. Do you recognize the four of them? Buddha Mountain. �ow much gold is there? A ton. �ow to divide it? How much is a ton? � hundred kilos. Must be more than that. A million kilos? Can't be that much! Stupid! Let's see if it's for real. So? Do we steal it? �urry! Head says we do it. Tail. How much is a ton of dreams? How much is a ton of love? You can't measure love by weight. �ow much is a ton of pain? Does it sound heavy to you? If it's heavy, then it's got to feel painful, right? �ow much is a ton of Porky Pig? My shoes! �ow much is a ton of leg hair? Or a ton of dirt? Fat, how much is a ton of boobs? Depends how you weigh it. How about using your mouth? I'll use my hands. One for each side! �ow about the hooker at Jeff's hotel? Leave. My men are dead. The gold is in your hands. Don't make a move. My employer will think I stole the gold. I'm a dead man. Stop! �ow much is a ton of gold? �ow many pounds? 2200 pounds. That's more than enough for all of us. Let's split them and leave Macau. - Where can we find a boat? - Cotai island. How to get there? Take the main road first. Give me a smoke. 1 7 1 8 1 9... Here's 4 days of rent. $350 per day. Extra bed is $50. Do you recognize the four of them? You do? Got money on you? She's looking for your friends. Are you related to Wo? I'm his wife. What's the value of a ton of gold? � ton equals to 2200 pounds. What's the unit price of gold? US$300 per ounce. 1 pound is 1 2 ounces. If we multiply that by 2200 we'll know the total. - What's the total? - Do the math! �ow? Over 1 00 million dollars. That's sweet. What can each of us do with 20 million dollars? Do nothing! We'll enjoy the sun, good food and wine everyday. - Sweet! - I want to go to school. You don't look Chinese anyway. It's about time you learn English. - �ut I know Italian. - I know! I want to open a gun shop. Don't you get tired of holding guns? He enjoys holding gun in one hand, his "joystick" in the other. You have to stop checking me out! I'm just looking out for you! I want to get married. Maybe with two wives. I'll get myself a few kids to build a family. Save it! You're better off opening a brothel. No! There will be plenty of girls to keep you busy. Do you promise no more hookers? I promise. Do you promise? Maybe occasionally. Liar! He's getting excited down there! It's Boss Fay. Where are you? Go screw yourself! �etter be more careful next time. You shouldn't have left Wo's wife and baby behind. Leave them out of it! That'll depend on you. Come to Jeffs hotel before midnight. Or else I'll kill them. Thanks, �oss Fay. Shit! Go to hell! Screw it! You leave first. - What about the gold? - I'm sure we'll meet again someday. The boat will be here until daybreak. Come out now! Wherever you are! Where's the ambush? There's probably over 1 00 men waiting for us! What are you waiting for? Take a picture first! I'll join! Me too! They're here. We'll leave them alone. He's wearing a bulletproof vest. Aim for his head! Let us go and the gold is yours. �ow much you got? There's six of you. One ton! The rest is in the car. It's all yours. One ton! You can go. So can you. You can go too. The baby and you can go. You stay. Deal. You must leave now. Come and get the gold. Take the car and go to Cotai Island's dock. � cop will be waiting for you. It's midnight. Time to turn in my badge and gun. It was a peaceful transition. Drive! Does Wo live here? You got the wrong house. There's no such person. My name is Tai. I'll just wait for him. Does Wo live here? There's no such person. How can we settle this? Wo should've never come back. Now he has to die. We grew up together. We joined the gang together. Spare his life. It's not like I have a choice. I wish I were you. It's your move. Oh crap! Boss Fay ordered the hit. Boss Fay, this is Sergeant Shan. I bumped into your men. What they do is not my business. I was just passing by. Their guns are pointed at me. Don't cause me trouble. My job is over in 3 days. Yes, Boss Fay. Thank you, Boss Fay. Baby is hungry. Let's sit down and talk. There's no furniture. Pardon me... Coming through... You're too fat! Don't block the staircase! You're so clumsy! Sorry...sorry... One more. Are you all right? How old is your son? He's one month old today. Really? Only one month old? He's a big baby. I have to kill you. What's your last wish? Nobody will touch Wo. My family needs money to live. You were gone for so long. Why come back? I like it this way. We spent years on the road. I wanted a home. You could've found another place to settle down. I have to carry out Boss Fay's order. Explain to Boss Fay. How? Wo almost took his life. Wo and I plotted the assassination. He took the wrap for me. I have to protect him. Enough. How much time do you need? I'll tell you tomorrow. Be a good boy. Listen to your mom. Thanks. Please spare our lives. Fat, you'll take the first shift; I'll take the second. Cat, keep an eye on Fat. Have you killed Wo? Have you? Not yet. Should I find someone else to do it? No. I'll take care of it. This is the last time I'll be calling you. I'm sorry. Welcome to Macau, Boss Fay. Uncle Fortune, has Boss Keung accepted our terms? That punk won't cooperate with us. Take care of him. Then we'll talk. Understood? Yes. $350 a day. Extra bed costs $50. How many rooms? I'm looking for Jeff. I've got jobs lined up for you. Jeff. We are in a mess. Times are changing. We're ushering in a new regime. Lots of old scores waiting to be settled. How much do you want to earn? Can we speed this up? He's Cripple Joe. $100,000 price on his head. He's hiding on a boat in the international waters. He's Sonny. $150,000 price on his head. You have to go into prison to kill him. He's Blackie. $200,000 price on his head. He's enjoying a tan in Thailand. Plane ticket is not included. Want to smuggle cocaine? What more do you have? We want a quick job in Macau. As long as it pays generously. I got something big. Are you interested? What is it? Gold. Real gold. So? This tip is only for good friends. Maybe you'll like the sound of it. Maybe you won't. But keep it a secret. A ton of gold will be transferred tomorrow. The truck will pass by Buddha Mountain. You hijack the gold. I'll find you a buyer. 50-50 share. Who does the gold belong to? Powerful government officials. It's their corruption money. Think it over. I will take the job. I'll take it. But we can't wait until tomorrow. Who knows if the gold is for real? What other choices do we have? How about Blackie? Cripple Joe? Boss Keung. This won't be easy. It'll cost you. I'll pay any price. He's Boss Keung. $500,000 price on his head. Lately he's become Macau's most powerful gangster. Your odds of escaping alive are slim. This is it. Tonight 8 pm. Yat Chung Restaurant. When someone says, "I'll check the shark fins", take the shot. Jeff. Thanks. Be careful. She's all yours. Thank you! Thank you. You owe me nothing. Make sure my wife gets the money. I do what ever pleases me. After I finish the job, we'll settle the score. Sure. I'll wait for you. Boss Keung, welcome. You're punctual. I prepared fish and shark fins for you. The same old stuff. Macau cuisine bores me. How about a glass of Mateus? Anything less than Chateau Lafite '82 is garbage! Cut the crap, Uncle Fortune. I won't cooperate with an outsider. We'll all be the same people under the new regime. We're Chinese. We're from Macau. But Boss Fay is from Hong Kong. I'll check the shark fins. Boss Fay. Sit! Here I am. Are you happy now? These are hard times for you. Anyone who's rich and powerful is leaving this island. Macau has no room for outsiders like you. Boss Fay, did you arrange this meeting? Why didn't you inform me? We're partners. Old farts like you are useless. It's time to retire. I'm taking over. If you agree, we'll split the profits 40/60. Eat shit. I may be crazy... Traitors. I'm not stupid. No need to hide your gun. Everyone carries a piece these days. He has one. So does he. And so does he. He's paid to kill you. Uncle Fortune ordered it. Stop hiding behind the shades. Want to stay invisible? Why didn't you kill Wo? Who's been feeding you? Who's your boss? Bulletproof vest? My balls! Finish your job! I'll kill Boss Fay! Cat! Wo! Let's go! Wo! Let's go! Blackie! I'm responsible for setting up Uncle Fortune. That old fart is better off dead. But you got potential. Now I'm here in Macau... Either we'll prosper together, or I'll get rid of you. What? Push! I was just passing by. None of my business. My job will expire in 27 hours. What? Where to? How should I know? Where to? The hospital! You lost your mind? We can't go to the hospital. I know an underground clinic. He's losing blood. You should've been dead! You should've been dead! You can't kill Wo! He saved your life! You should've been dead! Pay up! You're supposed to stay for the night. Here's half of the money. Home... Go home... Hurry! 50 thousand. How about 30? It's a deal. How much do you have on you? Only 1 thousand. I got 4 thousand. That's 5 thousand. I got 7 thousand. Add my 5 thousand. Total is 17 thousand. We'll have to go into hiding. Should we bring Wo along? His family too. Where will we go? Let's worry about that later. Where's doc? He's treating a patient. Bring me bandages. Treat me first. Looks serious. My fee is 50 thousand. Are you joking? I don't see Wo. I don't care what you do. Just find them! Thank you. Where to? Where to? Go home. Go home! Wo... He's dead. How? Pack your things. We should go. Which way? Which way? You decide. I have no idea. Let's toss. Get in. It's leaking gas. What? It's leaking gas! Thanks. Do you recognize the four of them? Buddha Mountain. How much gold is there? A ton. How to divide it? How much is a ton? A hundred kilos. Must be more than that. A million kilos? Can't be that much! Stupid! Let's see if it's for real. So? Do we steal it? Hurry! Head says we do it. Tail. How much is a ton of dreams? How much is a ton of love? You can't measure love by weight. How much is a ton of pain? Does it sound heavy to you? If it's heavy, then it's got to feel painful, right? How much is a ton of Porky Pig? My shoes! How much is a ton of leg hair? Or a ton of dirt? Fat, how much is a ton of boobs? Depends how you weigh it. How about using your mouth? I'll use my hands. One for each side! How about the hooker at Jeff's hotel? Leave. My men are dead. The gold is in your hands. Don't make a move. My employer will think I stole the gold. I'm a dead man. Stop! How much is a ton of gold? How many pounds? 2200 pounds. That's more than enough for all of us. Let's split them and leave Macau. Where can we find a boat? Cotai island. How to get there? Take the main road first. Give me a smoke. 17 18 19... Here's 4 days of rent. $350 per day. Extra bed is $50. Do you recognize the four of them? You do? Got money on you? She's looking for your friends. Are you related to Wo? I'm his wife. What's the value of a ton of gold? A ton equals to 2200 pounds. What's the unit price of gold? US$300 per ounce. 1 pound is 12 ounces. If we multiply that by 2200 we'll know the total. What's the total? Do the math! How? Over 100 million dollars. That's sweet. What can each of us do with 20 million dollars? Do nothing! We'll enjoy the sun, good food and wine everyday. Sweet! I want to go to school. You don't look Chinese anyway. It's about time you learn English. But I know Italian. I know! I want to open a gun shop. Don't you get tired of holding guns? He enjoys holding gun in one hand, his "joystick" in the other. You have to stop checking me out! I'm just looking out for you! I want to get married. Maybe with two wives. I'll get myself a few kids to build a family. Save it! You're better off opening a brothel. No! There will be plenty of girls to keep you busy. Do you promise no more hookers? I promise. Do you promise? Maybe occasionally. Liar! He's getting excited down there! It's Boss Fay. Where are you? Go screw yourself! Better be more careful next time. You shouldn't have left Wo's wife and baby behind. Leave them out of it! That'll depend on you. Come to Jeff's hotel before midnight. Or else I'll kill them. Thanks, Boss Fay. Shit! Go to hell! Screw it! You leave first. What about the gold? I'm sure we'll meet again someday. The boat will be here until daybreak. Come out now! Wherever you are! Where's the ambush? There's probably over 100 men waiting for us! What are you waiting for? Take a picture first! I'll join! Me too! They're here. We'll leave them alone. He's wearing a bulletproof vest. Aim for his head! Let us go and the gold is yours. How much you got? There's six of you. One ton! The rest is in the car. It's all yours. One ton! You can go. So can you. Oh! No! Oh, no. Yes! No psycho bull for this guy, huh? Rocky? ! Yeah, babe. I'm gonna kill you. What? You lied about having a dead wife? No. Babe, let me explain, okay? No, no, you sit back down. Oh. Listen to me. You have lied, and you named her after a coffee maker. It's actually the Consumer Reports' number one cappuccino maker in the country. Just for the record. Oh, okay. You know what? Shut up. You're a pendejo. You're all pendejos. And I want all you pendejos out of my house. And you take that big-titted maricón Andre out of here, too, you understand? You have three minutes to get all these people out of here. Baby. Sofia? You know what? Suck my huevos. Oh... oh. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh-Oh... Oh, I'm sorry, oh... Okay, okay. It's okay. Come here. Okay, it's okay. Oh. Oh, and thank you so much for bringing a cappuccino maker with my dead wife's name on it. We don't use it anymore. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Rodney Ruxin, born in 1982. Died in 2010 from multiple stab wounds inflicted by his non-fictional wife Sofia. At least I'm finally getting an obituary. Is there such a word as better than perfect? It's Jeffrey. Oh, no. I was thinking I'd... Oh, my God! Oh, thank God you're here. - He latched on. - What? Please just get him off me. Please, please, please. - What is going on? - It hurts. It's like he's sucking my nipples through a garden hose. Huh! Taking calls. Adam, a special treat right now... we're gonna go to a young lady, Ellie. Ellie, how can we help you? My mom is deployed to Afghanistan, so she wanted me to call for her. Okay, well, let's try to help. What's your question? What do you got going on today? Mommy wants to know if she should play Jahvid Best versus the Bears, or Ricky Williams vs. the Browns. That's a tough call, Adam. Both guys doing very well. They're very very close. Which one is better? Rank them. Which one is better? Rank them. Adam, this is eerily familiar. Ellie, is there someone in the room with you? - Yeah, my daddy. - No, not your daddy. He hates your show. It's that dude from last week. K-Dog making his daughter call the show. This is an all-time low. My daddy said he'd rather listen to those mushmouthed Bean Town jackasses on Call Talk than the crap that you belch out of your pie holes. You know what, Ellie? Your dad is still banned. And Ellie, it is a permanent timeout for you, as well. You are banned from the program. I did it! Ellie. Ellie. Please don't call Social Services. Never before in all the world had such a mysterious phantom manifested... they all felt a chill run down their spines... serial jewelry thief! Villain! Surrender! Fools! You really believe you can capture me? ! Monster! An invisible person! be shocked! And cringe in fear! This is my true form! Was there ever anything more fearsome in this world this infinite nothingness? it was like glimpsing a rip in the fabric of the world. shaken to their very souls she said. Huh... So this is the kind of story Lucy writes... hey! I never said you could read it! Lucy. huh? so... Everybody's thought at least once about what would happen right? And I had a feeling I could write an interesting story about it... Fools! You really believe you can capture me? ! be shocked! And cringe in fear! This is my true form! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! What did you two come here for? ! then get out! We're here to invite you out on a job! you're gonna be flat broke. I'm busy right now! I'm sure you two can handle whatever the job is. remember? Aye! it's gotta include you. Natsu... I'm starving! Do you have anything to eat around here? You know... This isn't a restaurant! The Terror of Invisible Lucy! I lost all my concentration! Think I'll clear my head with a bath... Magic ointment...? didn't I? it'll almost be translucent. maybe I'll put some on... An invisible person... I wonder what I could do if that really happened to me. Surprise everyone... And maybe it would be useful for work... What a dreamer! Feel a little dizzy... Huh? What? What's this? ! I've really become invisible! I see... I made this ointment seven years ago. Maybe is got so old that the effect has changed! I can't just stay like this! I need Natsu and the rest to help me! it'll cause a panic! Huh? but... so I'd better be careful or they'll bump into me... I know. I'll stay off to the side. I'm naked. If the ointment wears off will happen. even if I do this weird pose... Or this pose... or this pose... Nobody can see it! but fun! Though I feel like an idiot getting excited all by myself... Hey... Cut it out! Shoo! What's wrong? There's nothing there. Whose voice is that? That was close. I'd better get to Fairy Tail and fast... What is that? Something's here! Weird! You're right! I feel something! It's soft and warm! It feels like a person! no... Th-That tickles! Knock it off! Don't touch me! It ran away! Come back here! It's an invisible ghost! Let's catch it! Gimme a break! What a revolting development! I know! I'll hide in here! Come back! Safe... F-Finally made it... Natsu! so Lucy-nee literally booted you out? even though I was there to invite her out on a job! It's only natural she'd be angry. I hear you two sometimes even use her bath without asking. That's a flagrant breach of manners. I agree. a line needs to be drawn. come over here and I'll feed you. I'm sure this goes right over your heads. But I think she could've been a little nicer to us! That kind of behavior is the reason she'll never be able to snag a boyfriend! He's got her number! I bet he'd run away first chance he had. but she's a barbarian on the inside. Mm. Only a Man who was truly wild could be a match for her. {"savage" or "rough" better? } Lucy should learn a little from Team Shadow Gear's Levy! She should act more like a lady! but still... So I'm the butt of their jokes when they think I'm not here... Bastard! What the hell'd you do that for? ! Hah? What the hell are you talking about? ! Don't play dumb! You just doused me with a mug of booze! Don't go making weird accusations! then who did it? ! How do I know? ! Ow! What was that for? ! You're the one that started it! What have we here? ! A fight? ! What's going on all of a sudden? Something about getting splashed with booze... take it elsewhere! Just when I was getting into it... What the hell are you doin'? ! Asshole! You lookin' for a fight? ! Don't bug me when I'm eatin'! Hah? ! I don't know what the hell you're talking about! What the hell? ! Move it! We're tryin' to have a fight here! Seven years have passed and you still haven't picked a job? ! I'm looking for the job that only I can do! What's going on? ! calm down! What started this? ! Leave them be. This is no different than usual. they'll destroy the guild hall! We can always fix it later. Not getting upset by every little thing is the mark of an adult. this bunch hasn't matured at all. they've become even more boisterous these past seven years... Morons... You've taken it too far! Even Erza-san joined in! I figured she would... It looks like Erza hasn't matured any either. It's become a regular riot! Ouch! too... is that you? ! Don't touch me there! he says? Lucy's here? I could hear her voice... But I can't see her! where are you? The cat's out of the bag! I see. So that's what happened... What a weird sight... S-Stop staring at me like that. I'm getting embarrassed. Creepy! Who's creepy? ! This is a real pickle... but... You can't change back to normal? No... I came here because I thought you guys could do something... I don't see what the problem is. so let's go out on a job with you like that! I can't go like this! Doesn't anyone know of a way to cancel out invisibility magic? ! Easier said than done... Hmmm... Okay! I have a good idea! What? ! Toasting you with flames will probably fix it! Y-You have grounds to believe that? he did the same thing to me. I guess that's the only way to go. you'll do it without hesitation. I'm a girl! Lucy! Natsu-nii! Wait! I'm not mentally prepared yet! Ready... go! Hot-hot-hot-hot-hot! looks like it didn't work... Of course it didn't! Lu-chan. I'm sure we'll find a way... Oui. I believe a time like this is made for me to step up. Reedus! Do you have some kind of plan? Leave it to me... All I have to do is paint Lucy's face! Th-That looks like her and doesn't look like her at the same time... she's beautiful! I kind of have mixed feelings... Hmm... Then what if I add this? ! I hate! I can paint better than that! Don't! Finished! Looks just like you! I'm not a cat! and like this! her eyes are more like this! H-Hey... Mmm... mmm"? ! Aren't her nose and mouth like this? there's more of an impact if we go like this. You guys suck. Let me give it a whack! leave it to me. I used to take drawing class when I was a kid. like so! It's important to have distinct characteristics. so we should make her cuter! She needs sparkling eyes! how about black hair? It may look good on her! I'd rather try out a different hairstyle. Like very short or with dreads... don't you think? too! My face isn't a toy! she's a Man! Why'd you make me like this? ! This is a pain! Leave everything to me! that looks just like her! right? ! Creepy! Don't be rude! Hey... What's this? A photo from when they did an article on us that time... okay? but... Y-You think so...? I'm back! Where did you two go? Lucy's room. We picked up the bottle of ointment and her Celestial Keys. I see! I can ask my Celestial Spirits for help! Wendy and Carla! But which Spirit should I summon? I don't think I could count on Loke or Aquarius at a time like this... call out Gemini. Gemini? Why? They can transform into you. Just try it! I open thee! Gemini! Long time no see! Gemini here! it's Lucy! Looks exactly like Lucy! That's Gemini for you! So... let's do this! please be my friend! We can keep this up forever! I get it! Nice idea! This doesn't solve anything! that's the spitting image of her... Uh-huh! I transform into an exact duplicate. I can even copy memories and abilities! why don't we just say this is the real thing from now on? the looks and powers are the same... this one seems more mild-mannered and easier to get along with... Enough! Kidding! Only kidding! what are you doing? Analyzing the formulation of the recipe... there may be Runes that can cancel it out. I've got it analyzed. these are the ointment's ingredients. Leave the rest to me! The effects of a magical ointment will be dispelled for whoever is in these Runes! can you see anything? N-No... Does that really work? ! It does. the ointment was sitting for seven years... So it'll take seven years to be dispelled. I can't wait that long! Lu-chan... Lucy? I'm crying! Because this is hopeless! but now the clothes are becoming invisible? Your whole existence is starting to disappear! Levy? ! but she's actually starting to vanish! it will be as if she never existed. The bottle disappeared? ! too! I bet her room is empty by now! I-I don't want this to happen! I don't want it so I never existed! I'm right here! If I do this... What was I just saying...? I don't know... Probably about work... I think I was painting something... but what was it? I feel like someone was standing right here just a second ago... isn't it? like something is missing... Me too... Is it just our imaginations? Natsu? Mmm... I dunno! I'm right here! have you forgotten about me? ! well. Let's get to work. sit down. I'm not done painting you. Um... What kind of job would I be able to do? Fine. Natsu! I'm here! Gray! Can't you hear me? ! Erza! Happy! Wendy! Carla! Everyone! It's no use. None of them can hear me... Everyone's forgotten me... Because I never existed... Then it's just like I'm a ghost! I don't wanna be a ghost! Alright! What do you say we go to work? ! Happy! Lucy! Let's go! sir! Lucy...? Lucy... That's right! Lucy! Our friend! Our teammate! Lucy! Lucy was here! I remember! Lucy-san! Natsu... Everyone! The magic was dispelled! Maybe the effect of the ointment was nullified when Natsu remembered her! could be. magic takes heart. nothin' can break the bond of the guild! but the three of you didn't do a thing to help. Natsu! Lucy! Aye! but it was way too lonely when my friends didn't notice I was there. but they're all my dear friends. I wanna get rid of this quick. Lucy! Natsu! Hey! What is this? ! Where'd my face go? ! Who are you? ! It's me! Who the hell are you? ! Maybe I do wish everyone was a little more level-headed... have you seen Elfman? He went out on an errand for Mira. too... Hah? Why? I'd get the right to have one more fish than him! Next time: Father's Memento. Is that how you see those two? Isn't it like that? Happy... If you look inside your bags, you'll find a few things. A bouquet of handcrochet flower pens... A mosaic portrait of each of you made from the crush bottles of your favorite diet soda, and a personalized 5,000-word essay of why you're all so awesome. What's Galentine's day? It's only the best day of the year. Every february 13th, my lady friends and I leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home, and we just come and kick it, breakfast-style. Ladies celebrating ladies. It's like Lilith fair, minus the angst. Plus frittatas. So to conclude our Galentine's day breakfast, it is time for the greatest story ever told. What's the story? It's the most romantic story ever. It makes The Notebook look like Saw V. Go, mom, go. It was 1968. I was 18, and our family went on a vacation to Bermuda. And on the first day, I went for a swim in the ocean, and I got caught in a very strong current. - You've heard this story before, right? - Yes, but the drama. The next thing I felt were two very powerful arms whisking me to safety. And he looked down at me, and he said, "Are you okay?" and I looked up at him, and I said, "I am now." So they sneak out to meet each other and walk on the beach, and, two weeks later, he asked her to marry him and move to Illinois. But her parents thought she was too young, so she said no. And then they lost touch, and, a few years later, she met my dad. I got to take lifeguard courses. Those guys get all the action. - Am I right, Justin? - We got to find this guy. Frank? He's probably married. Or dead. What's the difference? Am I right, Justin? At least let me try and find him. Imagine how much better that story would be if we actually reunited them. I think Justin's right. You should let him do this. Okay. Do it. But if you find him and he's weird, like a ventriloquist or a puppeteer or anyone who pretends toys are people, then abort the mission. Absolutely. - Feygnasse Team - .: La Fabrique :. Episode 216 Galentine's Day mpm lestat78 You. You're the best girlfriend ever. Happy valentine's day. I knew, eventually, somehow, being in a relationship with you would totally pay off. I bought him some actual towels. He was using a bathrobe. And I bought him some other things that humans usually use, like shampoo. Troops, gather around. Great news. The senior center valentine's dance is tomorrow from 5:00 to 9:00. Are we talking a.m. or p.m.? Those people are old! Am I right, Justin? Justin's not here. It isn't just a job, gang. We'll learn a lot from these seniors. Some of them have been married for half a century. And, no offense, but everybody here is terrible at love. Divorced, dating a gay guy, divorced twice, jury's still out on you two. And, Jerry, who knows? I've been happily married for 28 years. You've met my wife Gayle many times. Whatever. Finally, Ann and Mark are our special volunteers, and they will be available whenever needed. I didn't volunteer. Yeah, too bad. You got drafted. Ask not what your old people could do for you. Ask what you could do for your old people. - Terminator. - What? No. JFK. This meeting has been terminated. That is the Terminator. Nice. Where am I going? - Well, hello there. - Well, hey. I got your message. You wanted to talk? Yes, I do. Have a seat. - Some champagne? - No, thanks. Come on. This is Armand de Brignac. - Jay-z drinks this. - He doesn't have to perform surgery. You don't know Jay-z's schedule. He's a renaissance man. Okay, fine. This is for you. It's almost valentine's day, so I thought it would be a good day to tell you... Let me just stop you right there. Look... I just want you to know I'm so grateful for everything you did for me. - But I only see us as friends. - For now. But think about how much better our friendship would be if we added doing it. Seriously. I know our marriage was fake, but there's something between us, and we should give it a shot for real. I just don't feel that way about you. I'm sorry. So there's that one, I guess. You sound ready for the dance tomorrow. I don't know about these old fogey songs, Leslie. Why can't we just do our originals? I just wrote a new song, okay. Bottom line: it's called sex hair. It's about how youknow when someone's just had sex 'cause of how their hair gets matted up in the back. It's awesome. Think of it this way. These song are exactly like the songs you usually play, except instead of modern rock, they're jazzy standards from the '40s. - You got a point. - Yeah. You're gonna do great. All right, guys. I've been here for a half an hour. Can I get my shoeshine? Kyle, I'm gonna lose my **** on you if you ask me one more time. I found him. Frank Beckerson. 63, lives in a little town called Bridgeport. Illinois. Divorced, no kids, worked as a lifeguard when he was 20. I need a half a day off for a secret mission of love. You're asking my permission to take a nooner? Sure. I don't know. Maybe. Justin and I need to go on a romantically inspired road trip. So it is a nooner. We're planning to leave around noon, so I'm not quite sure... It's not a nooner. I tracked down this old flame of Leslie's mom. We're gonna go pick him up, and reunite them on valentine's day. A great story or what? Yeah, great story indeed. Enjoy your half day off. - Pick you up tomorrow around noon. - For our nooner, which is a cute word. - Explain it to her later. - Explain what? Happy valentine's day. First off, a bear in a paper bag and a heart-shaped balloon. I love bears and bags. Well, you'll like this then, because this is a giant teddy bear holding a red heart. Festive. What's this? I don't know. It's a heart-shaped box of chocolates. That's a dozen red roses in a heart-shaped arrangement. See that. Perfume. For the lady. Yearning, by Dennis Feinstein. Finally, the heart of the ocean. Gorgeous. I never had a chance to get a girl a cliched valentine's day gift before, so I got you all of 'em. Thank you. That was very sweet. Do you think they'll get married? My God. What if they get married? - That would be amazing. - Would I call him dad then? No, that'd be too much. Maybe I'll call him pappy. Pop. Poppy. Papa. Look at me, I'm getting ahead of myself. You never know. I'm gonna call him poo-paw. How often do you get to reunite soul mates? What if I told you that you could reunite romeo and juliet? Or Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston? Jen, I really want you to be happy. Stay away from John Mayer. I cannot believe I'm gonna meet Frank Beckerson. I feel like I've known him my whole life. My God! - Marlene. - No, poo-paw. Poo-paw, no. I'm not marlene. I'm so sorry. I should really wear my glasses. Come on in. I was wondering, my mom always said that you wanted to be a lawyer. - Did that work out? - No. Never did. Though I did once act as my own lawyer. You know what, I found some pictures of Marlene and me. Look. Look how young she is. - These are amazing. - Probably shouldn't show you this one. No, thank you. You mom was such a firecracker. Smart, funny, sharp as a tack. Such firm breasts. That was inappropriate. I'm just, all of a sudden, so nervous to see her again. I'm gonna throw up real quick, and then we can leave. Valentine's bash at the Bulge tonight. We can get you a drink bracelet. I can't. I've got to work at this senior center valentine's day dance thing. That sounds amazing. Can we come? I don't know why you would want to. - Because old people are funny. - It'll be like The Golden Girls. I have to go get ready. So, where have you been for the past 40 years? You know, here and there. You know, Grenada for a while. Then Panama. Then Afghanistan. - So you were in the military? - Nope. You know, I always wonder how different my life would have been if your mother had married me. It would have been better. I'll tell you that much. - Frank, are you okay? - I'm fine. I'm good... I am just so nervous to see her. - There is nothing to be nervous about. - Have you got a bag or something? - Do you have a bag? - I have a purse. - Give him your purse. - All right. I mean, that sucked, didn't it? Maybe if you sang it like Louis Armstrong? Maybe. Yeah. I mean, here's the thing, though. Who is that? My problem is I don't know how to tell if we're doing good because, when you play rock, it's easy to know if you're doing great because chicks will flash their boobs at you when you're up on stage. You're like, oh, that must have sounded pretty good. But I can't... If that happens here, my eyes will fall out of my head, and I'll die. Frank, are you okay? Maybe we should... I might be crazy, but I have this weird suspicion that things are going well with us. You know, I have that same suspicion. But, having never been in something like this before, I need to ask, how am I doing? Come on. No, I'm sort of serious. All right, fine. Forget it. I'm just saying, you know, it seems to me on paper - that this thing we've is pretty great. - Yes, nerd, on paper, this thing we have is pretty great. Mark is a great boyfriend. I have no complaints at all. Everything is good. I don't know. I don't feel right about this. Are you kidding me? This is so much fun. Look, we took a road trip today. We chased your mom's long-lost love down a freeway. He's a loon, Justin. So he freaked out a little bit. He got nervous. You would too. And he was fine inside the car. Yeah, well, he cried himself to sleep. I don't know why you're pushing. Why do you want him to spend time with my mom? How would that help her? I don't think this is gonna work. I'm calling this off. Come on. Look, we're here. Just see what happens. - What happens is I drive him home. - Now, you need to breathe. I'm breathing, okay... There you are. So what's the big surprise? You gonna try to check me into an old folks' home? It's a long story. One that we'd love to tell you over a cup of coffee somewhere far from this place. I can't believe it's really you. Want to catch up? Sure. - Oh, boy. - Oh, boy. Do you think we should stand by... She's fine. Let's just let this unfold. Come here, sonny. Let me tell you about the civil war. Grandpa, leave me alone. You smell like death. I'm gonna get some punch. You guys are really adorable. That's really nice. So Leslie's like, "that's it. I'm taking him home." So we look over, and he's not even in the car anymore. - You're kidding. - No. It's insane. What does Leslie think about all this? Oh, God, Leslie, I don't even know. I lost track of her in all the chaos. Anyway, so now he and Marlene are off somewhere, doing God knows what. I don't want to know. You're suing me for alimony? When we were married, I got accustomed to a certain lifestyle, and I'm entitled to money to maintain that lifestyle. This is insane. Yeah, it's insane, but it's all I got. And you could make it all go away if you just gave me a chance. - What? - Three dates. One date. Coffee? So your plan was to sue me and then to use that to blackmail me into falling in love with you? You guys sound good. You really think so? It's impossible to tell. It's like bizarro land out there. As soon as we finish a song, it's dead silence. What do you expect, you know? They're like a million years old. Well, I'm glad you like it. You were a big supporter of the band. Hey, break's over. Ludgate, cracking the whip. Yeah, well, these old bags paid for some entertainment, so get... - You're right. - Up there. You should play The Way You Look Tonight. That's a good one. Next one's going out to a special little lady named April Ludgate. Are you guys... Never mind. - Why do you care? - I don't. Now what about you? What do you do for a living? Well, it's been an interesting ride. I got a job at a grocery store right out of college. Just for a way to make money. Here I am, 40 years later, completely unemployed. What do you say... we pick up where we left off? You're not serious, right? Serious as a heart attack. Of which I've had four. - Are you okay? Did Frank leave? - Yeah, he stepped away for a second. - I'm so sorry we brought him here. - Oh, it's okay. It was very thoughtful, sweetheart. It's not your fault that he turned out to be... My name is Frank Beckerson. Marlene, you... blew it. Take one last look, Marlene, because you'll never see this body again. What happened between you two? Tell me everything. I want every detail. We're almost done, so we can leave soon. I'll take you for an ice cream malt, and then we can go choose our caskets. Why does everything we do must be cloaked in 15 layers of irony? Here's something unironic. Since you know that meathead, you've become completely lame. We're breaking up. - You can't make out with me anymore. - Fine. Then I'll make out with Ben. - Pass. - No, he's my boyfriend. You can either make out with both of us or none of us. - Fine. None of you. - Fine. Everything okay, Knope? My boyfriend is a lawyer, and he's smart and interesting, and there's a lot of things about him I like. But he acted like a real jerk today. I don't know. There's something about the way he treats people or something. He's a tourist. He vacations in people's lives, takes pictures, puts 'em in a scrapbook, and moves on. All he's interested in are stories. Basically, Leslie, he's selfish. And you're not. And that's why you don't like him. I told you so. It's Duke Silver. Duke, can I have your autograph? I love your music. You're mistaken, ladies. Move along. Yeah, go Mouse Rat! I thought you were just terrific. Seriously? You sound like Dean Martin. If I were 50 years younger... Wait, who's Dean Martin? If I'm not mistaken, that was the old lady version of flashing. Nailed the gig. Look, it's sad. I know. But we'll still be friends. We're gonna see each other all the time. - I come into town every other weekend. - No. You guys can't break up. - We can fix this. Let me talk to her. - Tom, it's over. - She doesn't want to see me anymore. - Is it my fault? Did I do something? Seriously, this has nothing to do with you. - Can we still go suit shopping? - Of course. Armani's having a sale right now. - Time to get you a pocket square. - All right. If you look inside your bags, you will find a few things. A bouquet of hand-crocheted flower pens... Oh! A mosaic portrait of each of you made from the crushed bottles of your favorite diet soda, and a personalized 5,000-word essay of why you are all so awesome. What's Galentine's Day? Oh, it's only the best day of the year. Every February 13th, my lady friends and I leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home and we just come and kick it breakfast style. Ladies celebrating ladies. It's like Lilith Fair minus the angst. Plus frittatas. So to conclude our Galentine's Day breakfast, it is time for the greatest story ever told. What's the story? It's the most romantic story ever. It makes The Notebook look like Saw V. Go, Mom, go. It was 1968. I was 18 and our family went on a vacation to Bermuda. And on the first day, I went for a swim in the ocean. And I got caught in a very strong current. You've heard this story before, right? Yes, but the drama. The next thing I felt were two very powerful arms whisking me to safety. And he looked down at me and he said, "Are you okay?" And I looked up at him and I said, "I am now." So they sneak out to meet each other and walk on the beach. And two weeks later, he asked her to marry him and move to Illinois. But her parents thought she was too young, so she said no. And then they lost touch, and a few years later she met my dad. I gotta take one of those lifeguard courses. Those guys get all the action. Am I right, Justin? We gotta find this guy. Frank? He's probably married or dead. What's the difference? Am I right, Justin? Well, at least let me try and find him. Imagine how much better that story would be if we actually reunited them? I think Justin's right. You should let him do this. Okay. Do it. But if you find him and he's weird, like a ventriloquist, or a puppeteer, or anyone who pretends toys are people, then abort the mission. Absolutely. Absolutely. You, you're the best girlfriend ever. Aw! Happy Valentine's Day. I knew, eventually, somehow, being in a relationship with you would totally pay off. I bought him some actual towels. He was using a bathrobe. And I bought him some other things that humans usually use, like shampoo. Troops, gather around. Great news. The Senior Center Valentine's Dance is tomorrow, from 5:00 to 9:00. Are we talking a.m. or p. m? Those people are old. Am I right, Justin? Oh! Justin's not here. It isn't just a job, gang, we're gonna learn a lot from these seniors. Some of them have been married for half a century. And no offense, but everybody here is terrible at love. Divorced, dating a gay guy, divorced twice, jury's still out on you two. And Jerry, who knows. I've been happily married for 28 years. You've met my wife, Gayle, many times. Whatever. Finally, Ann and Mark are our special volunteers, and they will be available whenever needed. I didn't volunteer. Yeah, too bad. You got drafted. Ask not what your old people could do for you, ask what you could do for your old people. Terminator. What? No, JFK. This meeting has been terminated. That is the Terminator. Nice. Where am I going? Well, hello there. Well, hey. I got your message. You wanted to talk? Yes, I do. Oh. Have a seat. Mmm. Some champagne? Uh, no, thanks. Come on. This is Armand de Brignac. Jay-Z drinks this. Yeah, well, Jay-Z doesn't have to perform surgery in an hour. You don't know Jay-Z's schedule. He's a renaissance man. Okay, fine. Well, this is for you. Oh! Well, it's almost Valentine's Day, so I thought it would be a good day to tell you that... Okay. Let me just stop you right there. Look, Tommy, I just want you to know I'm so grateful for everything you did for me, but I only see us as friends. For now. But think about how much better our friendship would be if we added doing it. Seriously, I know our marriage was fake, but there's something between us. And I think we should give it a shot, for real. I just don't feel that way about you. I'm sorry. Each time I do Just the thought of you makes me stop before I begin I've got you Under my skin So, there's that one, I guess. All right. You guys sound ready for the dance tomorrow. I don't know about these old fogy songs, Leslie. Why can't we just do our originals? I just wrote a new song, okay? Bottom line, it's called Sex Hair. It's about how you can tell when someone's just had sex 'cause of how their hair gets matted up in the back. It's awesome. Think of it this way. These songs are exactly like the songs you usually play, except instead of modern rock, they're old jazzy standards from the '40s. Okay, yeah. You got a point. Yeah. You're gonna do great. All right, guys. Andy, I've been here for half an hour. Can I get my shoes shined? Kyle, I'm gonna lose my on you if you ask me one more time. Found him. Frank Beckerson, 63. Lives in a little town called Bridgeport, Illinois. Divorced, no kids, worked as a lifeguard when he was 20. Ron, I need a half a day off for a secret mission of love. You're asking my permission to take a nooner? Sure. Well, I don't know. Maybe. Justin and I need to go on a romantically-inspired road trip. So it is a nooner? Well, we're planning to leave around noon, so I'm not quite sure... That's... No, Leslie, that is not a nooner. I tracked down this old flame of Leslie's mom. We're gonna go pick him up. We're gonna reunite them on Valentine's Day. Is that a great story or what? Yeah, great story indeed. Enjoy your half day off. Thank you. Pick you up tomorrow around noon. For our nooner. Which is a cute word. Explain it to her later. Explain what? Happy Valentine's Day. First off, a bear in a paper bag and a heart-shaped balloon. I love bears in bags. Well, you will like this, then. Because this is a giant teddy bear holding a red heart. Aw! Festive. What's this? Oh, I don't know. It's a heart-shaped box of chocolates. That's a dozen red roses in a heart-shaped arrangement. See that? Perfume. For the lady. Yeah. Ooh! Ooh! "Yearning, by Dennis Feinstein." Mmm. Ooh! Dennis. No, no, Dennis. Finally, The Heart of the Ocean. Gorgeous. I never had a chance to get a girl a clichéd Valentine's Day gift before. So I got you all of them. Thank you. That was very sweet. Do you think they'll get married? Oh, my God, what if they get married? That would be amazing. Would I call him "Dad" then? Hmm. Hmm. No, that'd be too much. Maybe I'll call him "Pappy." Pop? Poppy? Paw-Paw? Look at me. I'm getting ahead of myself. Hey. You never know. I'm gonna call him "Poo-Paw." How often do you get to reunite soul mates? What if I told you that you could reunite Romeo and Juliet? Or Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston? Oh, Jen. I really want you to be happy. Stay away from John Mayer. I cannot believe I'm gonna meet Frank Beckerson. I feel like I've known him my whole life. Frank? My God. Marlene. Oh, no. Poo-Paw. Poo-Paw, no. I'm not Marlene. Oh! So sorry. I should really wear my glasses. Come on in. Frank, I was wondering. My mom always said that you wanted to be a lawyer. Did that work out? No. Never did. Though I did once act as my own lawyer. Oh! I found some old pictures of Marlene and me. Look. Look how young she is. These are amazing. Probably shouldn't show you this one. No, thank you. Your mom was such a firecracker. Smart, funny, sharp as a tack. Such firm breasts. Oh, that was inappropriate. Wow. I am just, all of a sudden, so nervous to see her again. I'm gonna throw up real quick and then we can leave. Hi. Hi. Valentine's bash at The Bulge tonight. We can get you a drink bracelet. I can't. I've gotta work at the Senior Center Valentine's Day Dance thing. That sounds amazing. Can we come? I guess. I don't know why you would want to. Because old people are funny. Yeah, it'll be like The Golden Girls. I have to go get ready. So, Frank, where have you been for the past 40 years? Oh! You know, here and there. You know? Grenada, for a while. Then Panama, then Afghanistan. So you were in the military? Nope. You know, I always wonder how different my life would've been if your mother had married me. It would've been better. I'll tell you that much. Frank? Frank, are you okay? I'm fine. I'm good. I am just so nervous to see her. There is nothing to be nervous about. Have you got a bag or something? A what? Do you have a bag? I have a purse. Well, give him the purse then. All right. You like potato and I like potahto You like tomato and I like tomahto Potato, potahto Tomato, tomahto Let's call the whole thing off. Uh... I mean, that sucked, didn't it? Maybe if you sang it like Louis Armstrong. Maybe, yeah. I mean, here's the thing, though. Who is that? My problem is I don't know how to tell if we're doing good. Because when you play a rock show, it's really easy to know if you're doing great because chicks will flash their boobs at you when you're up onstage. And you're like, "Oh! That must've sounded pretty good." If that happens here, my eyes will fall out of my head and I'll die. Frank? Frank, are you okay? Maybe we should... Yeah. Frank. Frank. Frank. Frank. But I can't see anybody but you Flip flop You know, I might be crazy, but I have this weird suspicion that things are going well with us. You know, I have that same suspicion. But having never been in something like this before, I feel the need to ask, how am I doing? Come on. No, I'm sort of serious. All right, fine, forget it. I'm just saying, you know, it seems to me, on paper, that this thing we have is pretty great. Yes, nerd. On paper, this thing we have is pretty great. Mark is a great boyfriend. I have no complaints at all. Everything is good. I don't know. I don't feel right about this. Are you kidding me? This is so much fun. Look, we took a road trip today. We chased your mom's long lost love down a freeway. He's a loon, Justin. So he freaked out a little bit. He got nervous. I mean, you would, too. He was fine by the time we got him back inside the car. Yeah, well, he cried himself to sleep. I mean, I don't know why you're pushing. Why do you want him to spend time with my mom? How would that help her? I don't like this. I don't think this is gonna work. I'm calling this off. Come on. No, no, no. Look, we're here. Let's just see what happens. What happens is, I drive him home. Now, look. You need to breathe. I'm breathing. Okay? Mom. Oh! There you are. So, what's the big surprise? You gonna try to check me into an old folks home? It's a long story. One that we'd love to tell you over a cup of coffee, somewhere far from this place. Frank. Hello, Marlene. My gosh. I can't believe it's really you. Wanna catch up? Sure. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Do you think we should stand by... She's fine. Let's just let this unfold. Come here, sonny. Let me tell you about the Civil War. Grandpa, leave me alone. You smell like death. I'm gonna get some punch. Excuse me. You guys are really adorable. It's really nice. So Leslie's like, "That's it, I'm taking him home." So, we look over, and he's not even in the car anymore. You're kidding. No. It's insane. What does Leslie think about all this? Oh, God, Leslie. I don't even know. I think I just lost track of her in all the chaos. Anyway, so, now he and Marlene are off somewhere, doing God knows what. I don't wanna... You're suing me for alimony? Yes. When we were married, I got accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And I'm entitled to money to maintain that lifestyle. This is insane. Yeah, it's insane, but it's all I got. And you can make it all go away if you just gave me a chance. What? Three dates. One date. Coffee? So your plan was to sue me, and then to use that to blackmail me into falling in love with you. Yeah. Hey. You guys sound good. You really think so? It's impossible to tell. It's like Bizarro Land out there. As soon as we finish a song, it's dead silence. Well, what do you expect, you know. They're like a million years old. Well, I'm glad you like it. You were always a big supporter of the band. Hey. Break's over. Ludgate, cracking the whip. Yeah, well, these old bags paid for some entertainment. So get up there. No, you're right. Okay. Hey, you should play that song The Way You Look Tonight. Hmm. It's a good one. The next one's going out to a special little lady named April Ludgate. Someday When I'm all alone Are you guys... Never mind. Why do you care? I don't. Just thinking of you And the way you look tonight What about you? What do you do for a living? Well, it's been an interesting ride. Yeah? I got a job at a grocery store right out of college just for a way to make money. And here I am, 40 years later, completely unemployed. Wow. What do you say we pick up where we left off? You're not serious, right? I'm serious as a heart attack. Of which I've had four. And the world is cold I will feel a glow Just thinking of you And the way you look tonight Hey, Mom, are you okay? Did Frank leave? Uh, yeah. He just stepped away for a second. I'm so sorry we brought him here. Oh, it's okay. It was very thoughtful, sweetheart. It's not your fault that he turned out to be... Excuse me. Hi. Excuse me, hi. My name is Frank Beckerson. Marlene, you blew it. Take one last look, Marlene, because you'll never see this body again. Marlene, what happened between you two? Tell me everything. I want every detail. Hey, we're almost done, so we can leave soon. Yes. I'll take you for an ice cream malted, and then we can go choose our caskets. God, why does everything we do have to be cloaked in, like, 15 layers of irony? Here's something un-ironic. Ever since you've been hanging out with that meathead, you've become completely lame. You know what? We're breaking up. Fine, then you can't make out with me when you're drunk anymore. Fine, then I'll make out with Ben. Pass. No, he's my boyfriend. You can either make out with both of us or none of us. Fine, none of you. Fine. I've got you Under my skin Everything okay, Knope? My boyfriend is a lawyer, and he's smart and interesting, and there's a lot of things about him I like. But he acted like a real jerk today. I don't know. There's something about the way he treats people or something. He's a tourist. He vacations in people's lives, takes pictures, puts them in his scrapbook, and moves on. All he's interested in are stories. Huh. Basically, Leslie, he's selfish. And you're not. And that's why you don't like him. I told you so. It's Duke Silver. Duke, can I have your autograph? I love your music. You're mistaken, ladies. Move along. I got you under my skin Yeah. Go Mouse Rat. I thought you were just terrific. Seriously? You sound like Dean Martin. If I were 50 years younger... What? Wait. Who's Dean Martin? If I'm not mistaken, that was the old-lady version of flashing. Nailed the gig. Look, it's sad, I know. But we'll still be friends. We're gonna see each other all the time. I come into town, like, every other weekend. No. You guys can't break up. We can fix this. Let me talk to Leslie. Tom, it's over. She doesn't wanna see me anymore. Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong? No. Seriously, this has nothing to do with you. Can we still go suit shopping? Of course. Armani's having a sale right now. I'm gonna get you a pocket square. All right. And a personalized 5,000-word essay Of why you're all so awesome. What's galentine's day? Oh, it's only the best day of the year. Every February 13th, My lady friends and I Leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home, And we just come and kick it, breakfast-style. Ladies celebrating ladies. It's like lilith fair, Minus the angst. Plus frittatas. So to conclude our galentine's day breakfast, It is time for the greatest story ever told. What's the story? It's the most romantic story ever. It makes the notebook look like saw v. Go, mom, go. It was 1968. I was 18, and our family went on a vacation to bermuda. And on the first day, I went for a swim In the ocean, and I got caught In a very strong current. You've heard this story before, right? Yes, but the drama. The next thing I felt were two very powerful arms Whisking me to safety. And he looked down at me, and he said, "are you okay?" And I looked up at him, and I said, "I am now." So they sneak out to meet each other And walk on the beach, And, two weeks later, he asked her to marry him And move to illinois. But her parents thought she was too young, So she said no. And then they lost touch, And, a few years later, she met my dad. I got to take one of those lifeguard courses. Those guys get all the action. Am I right, justin? - We got to find this guy. - Frank? He's probably married. Or dead. what's the difference? Am I right, justin? At least let me try and find him. Imagine how much better that story would be If we actually reunited them. I think justin's right. You should let him do this. Okay. Do it. But if you find him and he's weird, Like a ventriloquist or a puppeteer Or anyone who pretends toys are people, Then abort the mission. Absolutely. - You. You're the best girlfriend ever. Oh. Happy valentine's day. I knew, eventually, somehow, Being in a relationship with you would totally pay off. I bought him some actual towels. He was using a bathrobe. And I bought him some other things that humans usually use, Like shampoo. Troops, gather around. Great news. The senior center valentine's dance is tomorrow From 5:00 to 9:00. Are we talking a.M. Or p.M.? Those people are old! Am I right, justin? Oh. Justin's not here. It isn't just a job, gang. We're gonna learn a lot from these seniors. Some of them have been married for half a century. And, no offense, but everybody here is terrible at love. Divorced, dating a gay guy, divorced twice, Jury's still out on you two. Oh. And, jerry, who knows? I've been happily married for 28 years. You've met my wife gayle many times. Whatever. Finally, ann and mark are our special volunteers, And they will be available whenever needed. I didn't volunteer. Yeah, too bad. You got drafted. ask not what Your old people could do for you. Ask what you could do for your old people. Terminator. What? No. Jfk. this meeting Has been terminated. that is the terminator. - Nice. - Where am I going? - Well, hello there. - Well, hey. I got your message. You wanted to talk? - Yes, I do. - Oh. have a seat. ¶ ¶ Some champagne? Uh, no, thanks. Come on. This is armand de brignac. Jay-z drinks this. Yeah, well, jay-z doesn't have To perform surgery in an hour. - You don't know jay -z's schedule. He's a renaissance man. Okay, fine. Well, this is for you. Oh. Well, it's almost valentine's day, So I thought it would be a good day to tell you... Okay, let me just stop you right there. Look, tommy... I-I just want you to know I'm so grateful For everything you did for me. But I only see us as friends. For now. But think about how much better our friendship would be If we added doing it. Seriously. I know our marriage was fake, But there's something between us, And I think we should give it a shot for real. I just don't feel that way about you. I'm sorry. ¶ each time I do ¶ ¶ just the thought of you ¶ ¶ makes me stop before I begin ¶ ¶ ¶ ¶ I got you ¶ ¶ under my skin ¶ So there's that one, I guess. All right. You guys sound ready for the dance tomorrow. I don't know about these old fogey songs, leslie. Why can't we just do our originals? I just wrote a new song, okay. Bottom line: It's called sex hair. It's about how you can tell when someone's just had sex 'cause of how their hair gets matted up in the back. It's awesome. Think of it this way. These song are exactly like the songs you usually play, Except instead of modern rock, they're old jazzy standards From the '40s. Okay. Yeah. You got a point. Yeah. You're gonna do great. - All right, guys. - Hey, andy. I've been here for a half an hour. Can I get my shoeshine? Dude, kyle, I'm gonna lose my on you If you ask me one more time. I found him. Frank beckerson. 63, lives in a little town called bridgeport. Illinois. Divorced, no kids, worked as a lifeguard when he was 20. Ron, I need a half a day off For a secret mission of love. You're asking my permission to take a nooner? Sure. Well, I don't know. Maybe. Justin and I need to go On a romantically inspired road trip. So it is a nooner. Well, we're planning To leave around noon, so I'm not quite sure-- Leslie, it's not a nooner. I tracked down this old flame of leslie's mom. We're gonna go pick him up. We're gonna reunite them on valentine's day. A great story or what? Yeah, great story indeed. Enjoy your half day off. - Thank you. Pick you up tomorrow around noon. For our nooner, which is a cute word. Explain it to her later. Explain what? Happy valentine's day. First off, a bear in a paper bag and a heart-shaped balloon. I love bears and bags. Well, you'll like this then, Because this is a giant teddy bear Holding a red heart. - Ohh. - Festive. What's this? Oh, I don't know. It's a heart-shaped box of chocolates. That's a dozen red roses in a hear t-shaped arrangement. See that. Perfume. - Ooh. - For the lady. - Ooh. - Oh, yeah. i - Yearning, By dennis feinstein. Mm. Ooh. Dennis, no. No, dennis. Finally, the heart of the ocean. gorgeous. Oh. You know, I never had a chance to get a girl A cliched valentine's day gift before, So I got you all of 'em. Thank you. That was very sweet. Do you think they'll get married? Oh, my god. What if they get married? That would be amazing. would I call him dad then? - Yeah. - No, that'd be too much. Maybe I'll call him pappy. Pop. Poppy. Papa. Oh, look at me, I'm getting ahead of myself. Hey, you never know. - I'm gonna call him poo -paw. How often do you get to reunite soul mates? What if I told you that you could reunite romeo and juliet? Or brad pitt and jennifer aniston? Oh, jen, I really want you to be happy. Stay away from john mayer. I cannot believe I'm gonna meet frank beckerson. I feel like I've known him my whole life. Frank? My god! Marlene. - Oh, no, poo-paw. Poo-paw, no. I'm not marlene. Oh, I'm so sorry. I should really wear my glasses. Come on in. Frank, I was wondering, My mom always said that you wanted to be a lawyer. Did that work out? No. Never did. Though I did once act as my own lawyer. Oh, you know what, I found some old pictures of marlene and me. Look. - Look how young she is. These are amazing. Probably shouldn't show you this one. Oh, la, la, la, la, la, la. No, thank you. You mom was such a firecracker. Smart, funny, sharp as a tack. Such firm breasts. Oh, that was inappropriate. Oh, wow, I'm just, all of a sudden, So nervous to see her again. I'm gonna throw up real quick, And then we can leave. - Hi. - Hi. Valentine's bash at the bulge tonight. We can get you a drink bracelet. I can't. I've got to work At this senior center valentine's day dance thing. That sounds amazing. Can we come? I guess. I don't know why you would want to. Because old people are funny. i - Yeah. It'll be like the golden girls. I have to go get ready. So, frank, where have you been for the past 40 years? Oh, you know, here and there. You know, grenada for a while. Then panama. Then afghanistan. So you were in the military? Nope. You know, I always wonder how different My life would have been if your mother had married me. It would have been better. I'll tell you that much. Frank? Frank, are you okay? I'm fine. I'm good. Oh, I am just so nervous To see her. There is nothing to be nervous about. Oh, have you got a bag or something? - Do you have a bag? - I have a purse. Well, give him your purse. All right. - ¶ you like pot -ay-to ¶ ¶ and I like pot-ah-to ¶ ¶ you like tom-ay-to ¶ ¶ and I like tom-ah-to ¶ ¶ pot-ay-to, pot-ah-to ¶ ¶ tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to ¶ ¶ let's call the whole thing off ¶ Uh, I mean, that sucked, didn't it? Maybe if you sang it like louis armstrong? Maybe. Yeah. I mean, here's the thing, though. Who is that? My problem is I don't know How to tell if we're doing good Because, when you play a rock show, It's really easy to know if you're doing great Because chicks will flash their boobs at you When you're up on stage. You're like, oh, that must have sounded pretty good. But I can't-- if that happens here, My eyes will fall out of my head, and I'll die. Frank? Frank, are you okay? - Maybe we should-- - yeah. - Frank! - Frank! - Frank! - Frank! ¶ I can't see anybody but you ¶ ¶ zip flop ¶ You know, I might be crazy, But I have this weird suspicion That things are going well with us. You know, I have that same suspicion. But, you know, having never been in something Like this before, I feel the need to ask, How am I doing? Oh, come on. No, I'm sort of serious. All right, fine. Forget it. I'm just saying, you know, It seems to me on paper That this thing we have is pretty great. Yes, nerd, on paper, This thing we have is pretty great. Mark is a great boyfriend. I have no complaints at all. Everything is good. I don't know. I don't feel right about this. Are you kidding me? This is so much fun. Look, we took a road trip today. We chased your mom's lon g-lost love down a freeway. He's a loon, justin. So he freaked out a little bit. He got nervous. I mean, you would too. And he was fine by the time we got him back inside the car. Yeah, well, he cried himself to sleep. I mean, I don't know why you're pushing. Why do you want him to spend time with my mom? How would that help her? I don't like this. I don't think this is gonna work. I'm calling this off. - Come on. No, no, no. Look, we're here. Just see what happens. What happens is I drive him home. Now, look, you need to breathe. I'm breathing, okay-- Mom. - Oh, there you are. So what's the big surprise? You gonna try to check me into an old folks' home? It's a long story. One that we'd love to tell you over a cup of coffee Somewhere far from this place. Frank. Hello, marlene. My god. I can't believe it's really you. Want to catch up? Sure. ¶ we're less than perfect ¶ Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Do you think we should stand by-- Shh. Shh. Shh. She's fine. Let's just let this unfold. come here, sonny. Let me tell you about the civil war. Grandpa, leave me alone. You smell like death. ¶ your funny face ¶ I'm gonna get some punch. ¶ we're less than perfect ¶ Excuse me. You guys are really adorable. That's really nice. So leslie's like, "that's it. I'm taking him home." So we look over, and he's not even in the car anymore. - You're kidding. - No. It's insane. What does leslie think about all this? Oh, god, leslie, I don't even know. I think I just lost track of her in all the chaos. Anyway, so now he and marlene are off somewhere, Doing god knows what. I don't want to know. ¶ ooh ¶ You're suing me for alimony? Yes. When we were married, I got accustomed To a certain lifestyle, and I'm entitled To money to maintain that lifestyle. This is insane. Yeah, it's insane, but it's all I got. And you could make it all go away If you just gave me a chance. - What? - Three dates. One date. Coffee? So your plan was to sue me And then to use that to blackmail me Into falling in love with you? Yeah. Hey, you guys sound good. You really think so? I-- it's impossible to tell. It's like bizarro land out there. As soon as we finish a song, it's dead silence. Well, what do you expect, you know? They're like a million years old. Well, I'm glad you like it. You were always a big supporter of the band. Hey, break's over. Ludgate, cracking the whip. Yeah, well, these old bags paid for some entertainment, So get... - No, you're right. - Up there. Hey, you should play that song, The way you look tonight. - Mm. - That's a good one. Next one's going out to a special little lady Named April ludgate. ¶ ¶ ¶ some day ¶ ¶ when I'm all alone ¶ Are you guys-- Never mind. - Why do you care? - I don't. ¶ of you ¶ ¶ and the way you look ¶ Now what about you? What do you do for a living? Well, it's been an interesting ride. - Yeah. - Got a job at a grocery store Right out of college. Just for a way to make money. Here I am, 40 years later, Completely unemployed. Wow. What do you say we pick up where we left off? You're not serious, right? Serious as a heart attack. Of which I've had four. ¶ and the world is cold ¶ ¶ I will feel a glow ¶ ¶ just thinking of you ¶ ¶ and the way you look ¶ ¶ tonight ¶ ¶ ¶ Hey, mom, Are you okay? Did frank leave? - Uh, yeah, he just stepped away For a second. I'm so sorry we brought him here. Oh, it's okay. It was very thoughtful, sweetheart. It's not your fault that he turned out to be-- Excuse me. Hi. Excuse me, hi. My name is frank beckerson. Marlene, you... Blew it. Take one last look, marlene, Because you'll never see this body again. Marlene, what happened between you two? Tell me everything. I want every detail. Hey, we're almost done, so we can leave soon. yes, I'll take you For an ice cream malt, and then we can go choose our caskets. God, why does everything we do have to be cloaked In, like, 15 layers of irony? Here's something unironic. Ever since you've been hanging out with that meathead, You've become completely lame. You know what, we're breaking up. Fine. Then you can't make out with me when you're drunk anymore. Fine. Then I'll make out with ben. - Pass. - No, he's my boyfriend. You can either make out with both of us or none of us. Fine. None of you. Fine. ¶ I've got you ¶ ¶ under my skin ¶ Everything okay, knope? My boyfriend is a lawyer, And he's smart and interesting, And there's a lot of things about him I like. But he acted like a real jerk today. I don't know. There's something about the way He treats people or something. He's a tourist. He vacations in people's lives, Takes pictures, Puts 'em in a scrapbook, and moves on. All he's interested in are stories. Huh. Basically, leslie, he's selfish. And you're not. And that's why you don't like him. I told you so. It's duke silver. Duke, can I have your autograph? I love your music. You're mistaken, ladies. Move along. ¶ under my skin ¶ Whoo! Yeah, go mouse rat! Whoo! I thought you were just terrific. Seriously? You sound like dean martin. If I were 50 years younger... - Ew. Wait, who's dean martin? If I'm not mistaken, that was The old lady version of flashing. Nailed the gig. Look, it's sad. I know. But we'll still be friends. We're gonna see each other all the time. I come into town, like, every other weekend. No. You guys can't break up. We can fix this. Let me talk to leslie. Tom, it's over. She doesn't want to see me anymore. Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong? No. Seriously, this has nothing to do with you. - Can we still go suit shopping? - Of course. Armani's having a sale right now. Time to get you a pocket square. All right. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, we're back! We're back, thank you so much, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Now, as we know, there's a financial crisis going on at the moment. But we've decided not to take part in it. So, coming up now is a taster of what you can expect over the coming weeks. Three, two, one. Go! We're wise men. We are. Crikey, it's the Albanian rozzers! Look at him tumble! We may have hit an Australian quite badly. We nearly had him! Couldn't we have murdered someone a bit smaller? Top speed? Nobody knows! The door mirror has come off! I think he could be a massive idiot. Not even a dribble. Here we go, Roman rallying. I don't know where it is. That gap is big enough. That was quite good. All that is to come. But this is now. We must turn our attention to this. This is the Transfagarasan Highway in Romania, and we said a couple of years ago that this is the best road in the world. However, many Americans say, and they do tend to know everything, that in fact, the best road in the world is the Blue Ridge Parkway in Virginia. So our producers said to us we should pick any cars we liked, get over there and try it out. This is the road we'll be driving on. A snaking, 500 mile ribbon of asphalt, scything through the lonesome pines and the soaring peaks. It looks good. So now let's meet the cars we'll be using. This is what I've brought. It's the Ferrari 458 Italia. It is, in my view, the best car they currently make. And you can't actually argue about this, Clarkson, because you said on the television that it was magnificent and one of the all-time greats. I can argue, and I will, because although this is an excellent car, it's not quite as excellent as the car I've brought along, which is this, the Mercedes SLS. They're both wrong, because I've brought the best car. I've brought the Porsche 911 GT3RS... ..which is the best 911, and therefore the best car. That's an end of it. Hammond. What? What you've brought, mate, is a knife to a gunfight. How do you make that out? Let me explain, OK? Premiership, Premiership, Johnstone's Paint Trophy. How much is it? Exactly. You think about it. It's half the price of the other two. How much is it? 104,000. It's not half the price. Well, pretty much. How much is yours? 160. Well, yeah. 170. And by the time you put anything on it? Well, 190. There you go. This is half the price and still the best. It's not! We shall see. It's got stickers on it! Porsche have given it an unusual little flamboyant touch, which is rare for Porsche. Red wheels on a grey car, which isn't bad, but the calliper's yellow, and that looks stupid. You're right, it's a colour disaster! It is. Oh, I've gone off it, It's a fashion crisis(! ) Can I just say how nice it is to be the elder statesman here with the grown-up car? With those doors? "Look at me, I'm an eagle!" Can you get an extra where you hit a button and CO2 flows out as you get out in a Darth Vader costume? I admit the doors are a bit show-offy. But when I close them, that is pure elegance. No, that is gigantic, is what it is. This appeals to someone who's five. Yours appeals to someone who's 55 and thinks it won't work in a minute. This is for somebody who has taste, refinement... No, sorry, it's obvious that that is a more modern car... 'We could have argued until sunset, 'but decided instead to see which was best with a blast on the Blue Ridge Parkway.' Here we go! 'However, immediately, there was a problem.' Guys? Yeah? Did that signpost say 35 mph speed limit? The Blue Ridge Parkway is 469 miles long. It can't all be 35 miles an hour. Can't be! 'I was right. It wasn't.' It's now 25, 25 miles an hour here, chaps. What? ! I'm sure we'll get round here and there will be another side with a cross, just go for it. 'But no. It turned out that the fastest you can ever drive on this road is 45.' I'm going to put it in the comfort setting. May as well, really. 'This was hopeless. So we pulled over for a rethink.' The problem we've got is we can't go on because it'll take us 30 years to do 100 yards. We can't go that way because those are the woods of North Carolina. Squeal like a piggy! I don't want to squeal like a piggy. It's full of Huron, who'll cut your head off. Last of the Mohicans. That way, down there... What's over there? NASCAR country. Is it? 90% of the world's NASCAR teams are in that view. Banjos, Huron. Good ol' boys, V8s, steaks. Absolutely. V8s. I'll have a V8 and you'll have a V8 and you... Classics, which is better. It's just better. 'Freed from the Stannah stairlift highway, even James went a bit mad.' Yes! FERRARI ENGINE ACCELERATES That's a pretty good noise. PORSCHE ENGINE REVS That isn't. I've so brought the best car. That Porsche is no match for this, the most powerful naturally aspirated engine in the world. But there's more to the SLS than just brute force. This may look and sound - GRRR! - like a muscle car, angry, but underneath, it's very technical. It's very European. The gearbox is at the back for better weight distribution, and it's the same double clutch, seven-speed box Ferrari use in the California. The driveshaft is made from carbon fibre, so it only weighs four kilograms. The body, the chassis, everything else is made from aluminium. This car is very light. This isn't a supercar. It's a sports car. It's been lightened, stripped out. It sacrifices rear seats, yes. But it just feels alive. Pure, direct, immediate. The other two are going to get all the admiring looks, yes. But that's my point. I'm not driving around in this for other people's benefit. I'm driving around in this because I love driving it. End. 'Meanwhile, in the high-tech Ferrari, the man from 1947 was having a bit of a struggle.' James, how are you getting on with the steering wheel? You've no idea how it works, have you? Don't want to sound old fashioned or like a stuck in the mud, but you've got the two paddles to change the gears, there are six little switches and buttons behind for the stereo, the indicators, they're two buttons on the wheel, the headlamp, high and low beam, that's there and the wipers are there, the comfort suspension setting, the engine start button - all on the steering wheel. Nothing for the rest of the car to do. That's all very clever, that is the modern way... 'As Victor Meldrew droned on, we plunged deeper into North Carolina. 'The birthplace of what is by far the world's number one spectator sport. 'NASCAR.' Always wanted to go to a NASCAR track. 'So we did. And a rather special one.' It's not a modern 250,000 seater leviathan. It's Wilkesboro Speedway, America's first oval track. This is where NASCAR began. Wow! There is something desperately spooky about a disused racetrack. 'The historic tarmac was very tempting, 'and luckily, the Mayor and the lady who runs the track were around, 'so we asked if we could have a little go.' If we promise to behave ourselves... If you promise. Just for nostalgia's sake. Raise your hand. I promise... I promise... I solemnly promise... I solemnly promise... If I wreck, I wreck... If I wreck, I wreck... If I die, I die... If I die, I die. You're good. High-five! Never high-fived a mayor before. Right, chaps! Little drive. I solemnly promised, with my hand in the air, that we'd wouldn't go fast. 'Sadly, though, we forgot.' Put it in sport plus. Now let's go! LEDs, change gear, yes. Oh, no, we're now actually racing. We're the thickest men on God's earth! 'I wasn't being thick, actually. 'I was trying to coax James into a problem.' Hammond, what is it that happens when you drive a Ferrari 458 very fast on a hot day? I believe it catches fire. Yeah, yeah, only a few have caught fire. So far - it's only been on sale a few months - five Ferrari 458s have burnt to a crisp because the glue in the rear wheel arches gets too hot and burns the car out. Can't imagine James is relaxing in there. Thanks for that(! ) 'Because my car didn't catch fire, Jeremy got bored and became a yobbo.' How do you get the arse to kick out on this thing? Yes! Ha-ha! This can only end badly. 'And with a certain inevitability, it did.' Christ! Well done. Well done. I think that we don't need to do any more driving. However, there was in fact a long way to go, which meant I needed to replace the ruined tyre. The SLS doesn't have a spare. But then, Boss Hogg stepped in. This is Robert Johnson, the Mayor of North Wilkesboro. Howard Myers, I need your help. You need to get Tom McNeal back down to his tyre shop for us to get a tyre put on this Mercedes. Have him call me, chop-chop. I don't think Boris Johnson would do this for us! I was just thinking, that was quite a surprise call from the Mayor! 'Down at the tyre shop, the fitter only spoke hillbilly.' I got 04040, it takes a ramp lamp to change them. Wassname, used to be on Main Street... HE MUMBLES UNINTELLIGIBLY 'Roughly translated, he didn't have the right tyre. 'So Boss Hogg got back on the phone and found another man who thought 'he might have something suitable in stock.' Will they go on those wheels? Yes. Let's go. It's only a mile down the road. And he's got these tyres? Let's go. What, so, like, us go? Are you going to just leave me? I thought I would, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you do. I don't make a fuss. Do you like badger bait? Not going to be the same without the big ape, is it? What a bin lid, honestly! He is a yobbo, though, isn't he? Four laps and he'd trashed it just by messing about. He doesn't think ahead. I can still hear you, you shortarse! 'While the midget and the pedant drove on to that night's hotel, 'I pulled in at tyre shop number two, 'where I hoped the owner would be easier to understand.' Do you think this will work? Oh, yeah. It will? I got a cheating tank back here, all wired in. It'll shoot out eight at one time. 'However, in the back, I met a man who did speak a bit of English. 'He explained how, in the 1940s, the original NASCAR drivers 'had started out as bootleggers running moonshine.' So the idea was, you put the big engines to outrun the police? Exactly. That was the idea. And then that's how NASCAR was born, people racing the cars they'd built for... They built the little dirt track down there in 1947. And this was for bootleggers to just see who had the fastest car? See who had the fastest car. That they'd build to outrun the police? Yeah. That's how it all began? Then they all started racing each other. 'While I was soaking up the local history, James and Richard had arrived at the overnight halt.' It's not a motel. It's a bit posher than that. The villas have actually got garages on them. That's quite good. Brookside, isn't it? We're going to be in a soap opera. Ace! MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO Do you know this song? Steve Earle. Copperhead Road. It's all about doing up cars to run moonshine. # Copperhead road! # # Heard mama cryin', knew something wasn't right # He was headed down to Knoxville with the weekly load # You could smell the whiskey burning' down Copperhead Road... # 'This was the most memorable tyre shop I'd ever been to. 'However, nothing they had on the shelves would fit the Merc's massive rims.' No. No. 'Which left me with just one option.' So, I'm now driving on a ruined tyre 115 miles to the hotel where we've been booked into by the producers, which is in Virginia. Which is in another state. With a bit of luck, I'll have fallen asleep at the wheel when the tyre bursts. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE We'll pick that up later on. But now, it's time to do the news. And the big news is, James and Richard have both had a horrible accident with a Flymo. No, listen! You must have noticed. It was the end of my mid-life crisis, so I lost the hair. I'm done. And you actually think it's ended, dressed as Adam and the Ants? He's Sergeant Pepper. I've moved on. What would you do if I sang out of tune, Hammond? You can shut up, because in that film, you looked like Ted Nugent and now you look like Kojak. Where's it gone? It is noticeable, mate. That from a man, ladies and gentlemen, who presumably was bald until puberty. Thank you. It is traditional at this time of year that we take a look at some of the excellent gift items available this Christmas for the motorist in your life. Are you reading from a catalogue? It sounds that way! As we've established, in that film, you are a Porsche enthusiast. Yes, I am. So what I've got for you here is a Porsche-designed training shoe. Oh-ho! £310. Ooh! Presumably, if it is a Porsche, the laces are extra? Oh, yes. And the soles and this bit. "Sir wants TWO shoes?" Two shoes? That's 1,900... I am indeed a Porsche fan. You are a Mercedes fan, are you you not? Yes, I am. You'd be interested in the shirt Mercedes are encouraging their customers to buy. I've got one for you here. Here is the Mercedes shirt. It's a vest a with "TRUCKER" written on it. It's a vest with "TRUCKER" on it. It's not a Mercedes. It is, it says Mercedes on it. It's the Bruce Willis look. Yippie-kay-ay, mother trucker! Or Rab C Nesbitt. Beer and egg yolk stains are extra! I would rather have that than a Porsche car. Really? I would. Now, you know those air-fresheners you can get for cars, and they're always mountain dew and spring breeze? Alpine stream... All they are really is just mildly scented bottles of sick. Now, how much better would it be if your air-freshener smelt of bacon? Everybody likes... Well, not Jews and Muslims. Or pigs. Then they'd think they're on fire. Not them. But nobody can make a bacon air-freshener. Well, that, you see, is where you're wrong. Bacon air-freshener. No way! For your car. That's a proper idea! This is genuinely a brilliant Christmas present idea. Let's just pop it open and we shall invite people to smell... Smell that. It's bacon. Just. Ohh! It is bacon. Seriously, seriously. It's not fresh bacon. I actually think this could cure vegetarianism. If a vegetarian gets in your car and that's dangling, they'll want a meat pie in a jiffy. Brilliant plan. I would like to make... Moving on, more Christmas presents. Yes, another gift. Bachelors, this is important, pay attention. At some point, any day soon, you might persuade a lady to come back to your pad, and at some point in the evening, as things are warming up, maybe you'll going to want to dim the lights, and that is where... this comes in. It's a Bugatti dimmer switch. She is going to operate that and immediately take an interest in what you will look like naked. Look at that. Oh, it's hot! At some point she may say to you, the lady, after she's fiddled with your dimmer switch, "What time is it?" and you can produce your steering wheel clock. Wow! And this will tell her the time and that you're a motoring enthusiast. Actually, "Oh dear," she might say, "I've broken a nail," but that's OK, because this novelty nail clipper is in the shape of a car, look at that. You could try and change the mood. "Would you like a cup of coffee, my darling?" And here it is, in this piston mug! Or, maybe she is a sophisticate and would like a glass of Chablis, but that's OK, because you can put it in this tasteful... sorry... steering wheel coaster. Yeah, and it doesn't matter if she doesn't finish the Chablis, because this gearstick stopper will keep it fresh until another lady comes round. Slick! Slick, yeah! Sticking with gearsticks, I have a gearstick toothpick for the lady. What, that's a toothpick? ! Well, only if you get Esther Rantzen back to your flat. Yeah. Or Janet Street-Porter. Either way. Yes. No, actually, on the subject of Janet Street-Porter, if you do get a toothy woman back, you might want to show them this, which is a model that you make of an internal combustion engine. She's going to be wowed. Yes. Now, here's one I made earlier. There we are. You draw the lady over, she's seen you dimmer switch, and she can see the pistons going up and down. Look at that. And you can see the spark plugs flashing if I push that light. Mate, that is going to work better than a dozen oysters. She's going to be hot! She'll be pawing the ground by now! It's working. Would that do it for you? Yeah. You are in for a whole night of suck, squeeze, bang, blow with that, aren't you? What, is that the right order? It is for that. Ah, now, Rich, would you like some pussy? LAUGHTER Well, it wasn't on my mind right now, it is now. I... Eh? Pussy, energy drink. I see! I did wonder. What flavour is it? Flavour? Leave it! Leave it! Steady on, man. Leave it! Yeah, moving on. I'd like to introduce something for which I thought, "I'm going to struggle to find a motoring application," because what it is is, this machine is controlled by your iPhone with an app and it flies up in the air and there's a camera on it, there. I thought, "Hang on, that could be very useful". Imagine if you're in a traffic jam, yeah? You're wondering what's caused it open the sunroof, send this out... So it's like a traffic drone? It sends a picture to your phone so you can have a look. "Oh, that's what's caused it, I'll turn round". So you know what we're on about, this is the phone. Hold it up. So it's sending a picture to this telephone of me, so you can fly it about and control it from your telephone. How brilliant is that? Now, this is around, what is it? £300 or so. So it's quite a lot of money, but it is actually very easy to fly, as I'm going to... Are you sure you should be doing this? Yes, I'm the man for the job. Given your inability to do anything technical. There it goes. Oh god! People are going to get hurt. Look at this! No, no! Tilt the phone forwards... I'm genuinely scared! Now go backwards... No! No! No! No! No! I've hit the lighting. Oh, great! APPLAUSE Now you've fused the lights. Yes, you've fused the lights. It actually says "cut out emergency" on the screen. 'Get a spark to the set.' There you go, you've broken the studio. No, no, no... You've broken it! I've broken it a bit, but I think, listen... No, no, no, I've got this. Well, that's not going to work, is it? That's fine, that's not at all distracting. What about that? Brian, has that really fused the lights? 'Yes, it has.' Listen, we've got a million motoring-related candles here, we'll just light these. Light some candles, that'll do nicely. Let's make it a Christmas scene, plus candles will make it warmer... Ow, I've set fire to my thumb. This is very nice and... Oh, hang on. Hold a candle up near where you are and then we can see you. Are we all right? Can you see us all right? Are we on the screen? I think this is better! This is quite nice. Normally at this point in the programme we would have a high-performance car out on the track and the Stig would be sitting a time in it for us, but we can't because he's gone. He has. Stig has gone. Yeah. We're like Genesis now. We're not like Genesis! We are, and then there were three. I hate Genesis! I hate the Stig. Well, yeah. Mind you, at least we know his real name now. What? Judas Iscariot. LAUGHTER Very festive. Well, it would be if it was Easter. The thing is though, I think he's broken the first rule we learn at school. Never take your jumper off while you're having a cigarette? No, no, no, he has broken - "never rat on your friend". Actually, the other way, never cat on your friends. No, it's rat, not cat. Cat. Cats are disloyal. No they're not. They are! Well, they're not. Well, they are. I've got a cat, I've had him for 13 years, he's perfectly loyal. I guarantee, if you got stuck in a snowdrift with your cat he would eat you. Rucksack would not eat me. You've got a cat and you agree. Yeah, that cat you gave me, Richard Hammond...hates me. I can't do anything about that, neither can I blame the cat, to be honest. The fact is, if I was only three inches tall but the same person, the cat would kill me. I don't like cats because they... What? There's a fire. I had some notes... Just put it in there. Sorry. Put it in there. Just get rid of it. It's gone, there, it's gone. Forget the fire. It's no big deal. Cats, you were saying. Cats, what they do is they find... They... That's worse! You've set fire to the tree. It's worse! The tree's going up, stand back, that's quite dangerous! Get back every... Can I suggest we move on? No, seriously, I've got to save the television, you idiot. Pour some Pussy on it. That's a good idea. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Yes! I've put the Christmas tree out with some Pussy. Well done. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well, let's get back to our film. Because Jeremy, annoyingly, had managed to nurse his Mercedes with a ruined rear tyre to the hotel in Virginia, and we pick up the action the following morning. We were woken early, partly by the noise at the front of our chalet, and partly by the noise at the back. Sorry, James. It didn't open. Morning. Morning. How are you? Great. What is this about? It was the man with the strimmer at half five I liked. What? Oh, yeah. I know, it's a new range, they're ever so fashionable. That's very funny. Chaps, there's a racetrack in the garden. 'There are golf resorts and skiing resorts, 'but this is a motor racing resort, a hotel with 'tea and coffee-making facilities in the rooms, 'and in the garden, the Virginia International Raceway. 'Paul Newman described this place as heaven on earth, so we've put 'new tyres on the SLS and went for a spin.' OK, here we go. Virginia International Raceway. Right, red light's coming on. Gear changes are just spectacularly good. There's some very clever aerodynamics stuff on this. Those little moustache things on the front, the rubbery bits you can see on the grill, they actually deform at speed, and that way they improve the air flow and increase the downforce at the same time. Now, watch this. James has gone off like a scalded proverbial. 'The Porsche has 450 horsepower, 110 less than the Ferrari, 'but I was confident that, despite this, I could catch James.' That mechanical grip, everything working to keep those back wheels on the deck. The wing, the tyres, and, of course, where the engine is. This is a track-bred car, this is what it's for. 'The SLS, on the other hand, is not a track-bred car.' Looks like a big corner. How hard can it be? Oh, deary me! I may have got the tail out a bit there. Richard's Porsche, that was designed specifically... Oh, heavens above! How can I have gone off? It's just so insanely tail-happy. 'Further up the track, 'my little Porsche was closing in on the Ferrari.' Go, go, go, go, go! Catch him. The Ferrari's got the legs on me on the straight. Nothing I can do about that. 'My only chance, then, was to catch him in the corners.' Carbon ceramic brakes, not fading. Boy am I glad at that, because this is some punishment they're getting. 'Meanwhile, in the dog with the waggly tail...' Oh, my God! Every time you go near the throttle, the back's out. 'But actually, I couldn't care less about catching Richard and James.' This is the thing about this car... You can hurl it about, smoke pouring from the rear end, and you're going unbelievably slowly, but with a massive smile on your face. That is the AMG way. Ha-ha! They're quicker than me, but I'm laughing! And I bet they're not! 'I was right. Because their race was getting serious.' Braking, you idiot! Ooh, BLEEP! There you go. Gaining a little bit there. Go on! Blind hill! Argh! Argh! Seemed slow through there, James. Ho-ho-ho! Hammond's going to be chuffed. No! Ooh, could have had him there. Come on. Keep with him. Keep the power on til over this one. That's a big one. Yeah, that might, that might have put me out. Ye-es! As we know, viewers, staying on the track is all part of racing. 'So even with Captain Slow at the wheel, the Ferrari ruled the track. 'And Jeremy, who had gone through yet another set of tyres...' Good to see he's learning at his usual rate. '..was typically gracious in defeat.' Obviously on the straight, I could easily have you. Could you? Yeah. On a straight line this will munch you. I don't think it will. I could walk past you. I don't know, you see. Do you want £5 on it? On television? £5 says that in a straight line, drag race, I have you. 'But before we could do the race, a challenge arrived.' "At this racetrack you can do so much more than race your car. "You can also, for instance, learn... "Learn how to do a drive-by shooting. "To see which of your cars has the most stable ride, "an instructor will drive while you shoot at a target "through the passenger window." I didn't see that coming! Quite clever, if you think about it, because if it's bumpy... It works. How big's the target? Are we allowed to open the window first? We'll choose the target, I think, gentlemen. We'll choose the target. First, though, we were given weapons training which made Jeremy Van Damme very excited. Insert it in the bottom firmly. GUNS CLICK Oh! I Like that! With a good grip, it's going to, in a sense, not kick up so much. Nice and firm grip, and as you punch straight out, sight in on the target, and you hold it up on the target, fire! GUNFIRE In the throat! GUNFIRE Got him in the heart and the spleen. 'Eventually it was time to tear Van Clarkson away...' Got him in the face! '..because it was time to put up the targets.' 'And then work out a scoring system.' 50, 50, 100, 10. That's probably the industry standard somewhere. 'Magnum PI was the first to go.' He's got to go for testes. He will do. GUNFIRE Going for the plums. Going for the torso. He got his arse, he shot him in the arse! And the elbow! Ha-ha! 'Hammond was next, but first he wanted to make some adjustments.' What's he doing? What's are you doing? Turning him round. Why? So I can shoot him in the back! Because that's how it's done - in the back! So he'll be having a normal day, thinking everything's going fine... Thinking about seeing his mates, and doing something together, and then he'll be shot in the back! That's what I thought would be nice to do. He looks like Don Johnson out of Miami Vice. He does, actually. RAPID GUNFIRE Wow! It's disturbing, isn't it? A man who lives in the countryside, drives a Land-Rover, and is that good with a gun. I went to art college, you know. May have been wasting my time. 'It then turned out that the SLS had clearly been designed with drive-by shootings in mind.' Yeah, I didn't think of that. What pistol's he supposed to be using? Safety is off. INTENSE GUNFIRE I'm on fire! Ow! BLEEP! 'Once Jeremy had been put out, we totted up my score.' You've got him in the stomach. That's so close to the testes in this area. So, James May, you have scored 80 points. 'The backwoodsman, however, did even better.' 50. You've got a head shot. 145. 'Then it was Jeremy's turn.' So it's 100 for the plums shot. 20, 30, 40, 50, 175, 205, 210... 245 points... in the ride test Stig-shooting drive-by competition. Yes. The next morning we were told to head to New York City. A lifetime away thanks to the insane speed limits. James? Yeah? 'I'm bored.' 'I was just thinking exactly that, 'but I was too bored to pick up the radio to say it.' 'Shall we see... 'No, we mustn't see who's got the fastest car here, must we? ' I tell you what, let's have a race from 45-55mph. Right. That's a good idea. The shortest race in history. Right, Hammond, give us a cue. Ready, and go! 'I won.' That is not a spectator sport. 'Right, Hammond, you come up front, and we'll have SLS vs. 911.' 'Starter's orders, gentlemen.' At 45-55 Racing, here from the state of Virginia - 3, 2, 1, go! Yes! My new motor sport kept us entertained until lunchtime, when we asked the sat-nav in Jeremy's Mercedes to find us a restaurant. Right, restaurants. African cuisine, Austrian, Balkan, Belgian. What do you want? I want Balkan. Get me Balkan. Sadly there weren't any of those restaurants in Virginia. Small Coke. Small Coke, thanks. You know, I discovered a flaw with the American way. You can buy a small coke, which is, like, a dollar, or a big one, which is 2, because you get more, but you get free refills. So, why would you buy a big one unless you were a bit thick? I can't take him seriously in those sunglasses. No, I can't. Oh, sorry. Damn, I've come on another film shoot with two style gurus. After lunch we made a small detour to Washington DC which was nothing like it appears in the films. SIRENS BLARE O... K! Is that man walking along playing with his testicles? So, we left again. Ploughing towards Maryland, where James and Jeremy decided to settle their wager. James, look at that. That sign. Drag racing. 'You're on - let's do it.' Not a lot of point in Hammond's taking part in this because his trophy car is no match for the Premiership here. This is a big battle we're about to do. Ferrari vs. AMG. Ha-ha! 'The raceway was extremely slippery.' But both our cars were fitted with sophisticated launch control systems. Right. Put it in drive. Engage the sport setting on the traction control. Turn everything off, then you select first gear. Turn the gearbox all the way round. Confirm I want it. Press this button, PS. Then, woomph! Off I go. 'The idea of launch control is 'to minimise wheelspin in conditions like these.' Here we go. Here we go. That's the worst launch control in history. Mind doesn't work either, but the Ferrari system learns the surface. I'm going to do it again. Here we go. Americans can do this. 'For the actual race we decided 'to ditch the launch control and do the start ourselves.' Here we go. Go! 'That didn't work either, so we lined up the cars once more 'and put the gearboxes in automatic.' Go! 'But no matter what we did, it was hopeless.' 'Eventually, by being extremely cautious, 'I got the Ferrari to the end of the drag run.' Being gentle. 'But Jeremy can't do gentle.' Come on! Ah-ha! Now, as I think we can see from that, I won, and you two, in fact, lost. I wasn't even in it. Never mind that. You were too heavy-footed, as usual. Just because you're light in your loafers, it doesn't mean anything. Can you two just stop arguing? No. Yes. Yes, because it is now time to put a star in our reasonably priced car. Now, my guest tonight is responsible for making some of my all-time favourite films - Slumdog Millionaire, Trainspotting, 28 Days Later, the list goes on and on. His latest film is the true story of a man who cuts his own arm off. So, inappropriate though it may be given the circumstances, would you please put your hands together... For Danny Boyle! APPLAUSE What an honour! Thank you so much! Thank you very much. Have a seat. Thank you very much. I'm sorry about the mess. We had a small fire and some things got broken. Try and ignore that. Now, I've been looking through your car history and am I right in saying, you're not really a car person? I'm not really. The only exciting car I've had was an Alfa Romeo. But it was only a 156, and I just got so many points so quickly. It's like they say - cars like that just attract policemen, thieves and girls. And there weren't any girls attracted by it, so I gave it up. So, the Alfa, the only decent car you had, and you need to have an Alfa to be a petrolhead, you can't be one unless you've had an Alfa, you sold because it was too quick. Yes. Right. That's good. That means we don't have to talk about cars. We can talk about your films. Which, I'm afraid, I'm much more interested in. If you don't mind me saying, what I really love about your stuff is that you never really know what the next Danny Boyle film's going to be. I mean Trainspotting's completely different, say, to Slumdog Millionaire. Which is completely different to Sunshine, which is my personal favourite. Oh, fantastic. I'm touched by that because it didn't do very well. In fact, nobody went to see it. A lot of those people are here because, as I was walking round the back, there were loads of people looking at me thinking, "Who's he?" I think, I have this theory that your first film is always your best film. And you can only ever make one film, like you can only lose your virginity once, but you should always try and get back to that state, if you can. What, losing your virginity again? If you can. That would be perfect. Your first feature was Shallow Grave. So you would say that was your best film? Would you say that was better than Trainspotting? My dad certainly thinks so because he's seen every single one of my films and he says the same thing every time. He says, "Well, it was good but it wasn't as good as Shallow Grave." And he's said that every time, including Slumdog Millionaire. Slumdog Millionaire, I believe he told someone he thought it was "reasonable". Now, then, er, the new film, 127 Hours. Tell us about that. It's about this guy, Aron Ralston, who got trapped in a canyon in 2003, in Utah, in America. A small rock fell on his arm and pinned him. He couldn't move. He was trapped, standing up, but he couldn't move for six days. And after six days, with a blunt penknife, he cut his right arm off in order to get out of there. It's an incredible story. It is. We've got a clip here, so you can have a look at what we're on about. Let's have a look. All you've got to remember. Said everything will be OK. Oh, my God! Aron! Aron! Oh! You liked him. I don't think we figured in his day at all. Kristen! Help! HE SCREAMS APPLAUSE It is. What do you do? What do you do? You stay there, trapped and die. Yes. Or, do you do it? And of course, you don't do it at first because you think option you can hang on to that means you can keep your right arm. You think, people will come by. Somebody will come by eventually. Or I'll work out a way of rigging this rope that I can manage to pull the rock off and get out of there. It doesn't, of course. Did you consider the idea of him cutting his arm off in a sort of wide shot? Because I have to tell you, it is pretty gruesome. I mean, you do see... And the noise as well, of the bone. The bone breaking, yes. That's pretty tough. It is a magnificent film. Now, you've been chosen to sort of head up the Olympic opening ceremony. And I know you'll be delighted about that. We are. We had the mayor here, Boris Johnson, not that long ago and I made many suggestions to him. Has he put any of our suggestions to you? He didn't mention anything that you'd said to him. So, what are you going to have as the opening ceremony, if Boris Johnson hasn't gone for our ideas? We're going to have something very different from Beijing. Because Beijing was the ultimate opening ceremony. I thought you meant the closing ceremony, where the British had a London bus and David Beckham kicked a ball. You were a big fan of that. It didn't really work. We won't be doing that, no. Not that, but not the 200 million Chinese people? No, you can't, the British won't tolerate that. You can't. Supposedly they rehearsed in nappies, because if they rehearse 4,000 people and they all want a toilet break, it's a nightmare. Supposedly they made them rehearse in nappies. You're joking. That's what I heard. You said you were going to do something intimate. It will be spectacular as well. But it will be more intimate than you realise. Will it be as spectacular as something I've just thought of? Go on, tell us. OK, what I'm seeing, OK, the gates come open, the gates are on fire. Some Jags come in, XKRs. On full opposite lock, on fire. And the guy, instead of having a torch, on fire, what if the whole man is on fire? He runs along and leaps into the big saucer-y thing with the flames and that goes on fire. The crowd could be on fire... Every single thing. Because then it could be like Top Gear. Great, OK. Actually, watch this space. There is a man on fire. But he's on a bicycle. Which you will sort of approve of and sort of not. A cyclist on fire. Quite like the sound of that. Obviously, you came down here, I thought rather bravely, not being a car person, particularly, to go round the lap. Did you enjoy it? Yeah, it's spectacular. It probably isn't very good for you to watch but I enjoyed it so much, I can't tell you. Because we had one big problem, because every single guest that has ever come here, they are taught to drive round our track by the Splitter, as he is now called. Sacked Stig. So we have to bring the man out of retirement. Go to an old people's home. We actually used Tiff Needell, ladies and gentlemen. Tiff Needell was the man that taught you. What is he like now he's, what, 150? He was excellent. Was he? Yes, he was excellent. He was very good. And, provided I've done it in less than 127 seconds, I'm OK. That's the task I've set. 127 seconds? That's a good target to set. Who'd like to see Danny's lap? Yeah! Let's have a look. Look at that reasonably priced brown car go. Wheelspin. Better on the limiter, Danny. Tiff would have been proud of that. 'He said to watch the limiter.' That's BLEEP. There's one in there somewhere. Right, here we go. Taking it very wide there. This is obviously Tiff's line. You see, that looks slow... Get on the power. Get on the power, come on. No, don't get on the power. And you haven't, you see? Keep it tidy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not very good. BLEEP. You looked like Jim Bowen there, that was a worry. Now the hammerhead. I know it looks slow, but... When you're inside it, it feels so fast. It's unbelievable. Right, full throttle. BLEEP. Handle thing's come off. The gear lever came off? Well, that would slow you down a bit. That's a great camera there. That's another very wide line, but I like that way in. It's very good. And you stayed on. Now we're going round Gambon without any problem. And there we are, ladies and gentlemen, across the line! CHEERING Well done. I'm just thinking, is the next Danny Boyle film going to be the Fast And The Furious 32? Can we have a car film from Danny Boyle? Can we have Mad Max IV? I'd love to make a proper car film. Like a Mad Max film. Mad Max would be brilliant. Did you see Doomsday? That was a good one. Yeah, I did. It had a good cast. Except it was shot in Spain and he hoped we would think it was Scotland. No, it wasn't raining. Right, come on then, where do you think you've come? It was wet. So these are the wet times here. Angelina Jolie. That's not the actual Angelina Jolie. That was Bill Bailey pretending to be Angelina Jolie. 1:50:08. That's the fastest we've ever had in that car. Danny Boyle, you did it in... 1:47:08, which means you have done the fastest-ever wet lap! Oh! Congratulations. Really? That's Tiff. You've got to say for Tiff. That is Tiff, that. That's amazing. Oh, cool! All these years, the Stig has been coming and slowing celebrities down. And we bring a pensioner out of retirement. Or you could have a natural talent you've only just discovered. And that was the first time you've ever driven in anger on a track? In a your whole life? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a remarkable achievement. It's such a buzz. Thank you for letting me do it. It was a great day. If there's any thank yous to be done, it's the other way. I've wanted to meet you for years and years. Ladies and gentlemen, Danny Boyle. Thank you. Cool! That's a good time. That won't be beaten for a while. OK. It is now time for the third and final part of our trans-America drive film. We're on our way to New York in the Mercedes SLS. The Ferrari 458. And the brilliant Porsche GT3 RS. And we rejoin the action on a bridge near some water. Chaps, obviously I'm aware of this, but just for the record, where are we? Urr, Well, we've done Maryland, I think we're in Pennsylvania. Righto, Pennsylvania it is. I like it. After a while we found ourselves in Amish country, which we thought would be full of people in aprons building barns and drinking lemonade. I love to see a horse and carriage. Look at that. It's fantastic. However, we were in for a shock. It does say that, doesn't it? It does. It does say that. That's what it says. And it is the name of the town. It's not... Welcome to... That. You don't think there was a hamlet called Foreplay down there we should have popped into first? We quickly left Amish country and were delighted a few hours later to find ourselves approaching somewhere a bit less smutty. Well, this is it. Noo Yoik. And the following morning we were told to report to Brooklyn for a challenge. Right. "You have been booked to appear at 11 o'clock this morning on an American chat show. "The studio is on West 59th Street near its junction with 11th Avenue. "There's only time for one of you to appear, so the first to arrive gets the gig." Can I just ask, it doesn't say I can't use my sat-nav. Nor me. I haven't got sat-nav. Shall we do it? Have we got an hour? Yes. Chat show. Three, two, go! OK. Set navigation. City of Manhattan. Where's M. A... How do you enter West 59 in the sat-nav? It's not easy, but luckily I've managed it. Goodbye. Looking good, looking good. Done it. Go. Up ahead, the Porsche was on Brooklyn Bridge zooming towards Manhattan. Which made Stuart Little very nervous. No. No. My God. Look at it. It's huge. I'm a country boy. That's just a fact. Cities terrify me. They're just big and complicated and full of people who shout at you. Here we go. The producers had given us only one rule. We weren't allowed to use the ring roads that go up Manhattan shoreline. But no matter. Us sat-nav boys were feeling pretty relaxed. Hello, America. Manhattan TV studio and then the world. Could be Good Morning America. That is a big show. Hammond will be desperate to get there first. Because ever since he was a foetus, he's been destined to appear on American television. With his teeth and his hair and everything. Do I want Pearl Street? Park Road south? I don't know! I don't know. James steamed into Manhattan full of confidence. Park Road South, keep right. Keep left, yes. But soon he had a problem. I've lost the satellite signal. It's the buildings. Annoyingly, though, Manhattan suited James's love of order and logic because the streets are laid out in a numbered grid system. You can only go four ways. You can go east or west or you can go north or south. There's no windy stuff, and there's very little in the way of diagonal stuff. Concentrate. In the SLS, the sat-nav was not affected by the buildings, but it was being very German. Ah, you see, the sat-nav has selected the ring road. Look, it's judged to take me up. I can't do that. I drove deeper into the heart of the city to force the system to think again. Sat-nav's still trying to make me go on the ring road. I can't do that. Attention! Turn left... No! I can't go on the ring road. I'm going to shut her up. If I just keep heading north until I get to 59th Street. How hard can that be? All of us were now relying on intelligence alone to find the TV studio, and if I'm honest, that did put Stuart Little at a bit of a disadvantage. No, no. I don't want to go. No? How do I not go in the tunnel? I'm not going to panic. I'm not going to panic. Not going to panic. I've indicated with the windscreen wipers - that's bad. Right. Going north. I'll start to count off street numbers in a minute. Just keep going until I get to 59. Captain OCD was making storming progress. 14th street. This is good. I wonder where Jezza is. Annoyingly, the northbound street I'd selected was a bit busy. Nothing I can do. I'm completely jammed in. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. A bit more panicking. Move! 23rd Street. They're tumbling. I was so confident, I decided to weave round bottlenecks. Down there... It's easy! Oh, no. East 14th Street. I've got to go to 59! And I've now got 36 minutes to get there. Still, could be worse. There's Hammond! That's Hammond! Dear... Aaah! That doesn't... What am I doing wrong? At that moment, I was asking myself the same question. BLEEP. Done it wrong. I must have caught the rear alloy on the corner of that. Right now it's the back wheel over there. Good? Having lost valuable time, I decided to stick to the main streets. Avenue of the Americas. This is good. This is an astonishing road, the Avenue of the Americas. Look at that. Concrete canyon! I think I just saw James over there. Yes! Ha ha! Look what I've found! Jezza. That's interesting. It was very tempting to finally see which of our cars was the fastest. We mustn't do this. And then we decided that we must. Going to go manual. This burst of acceleration could decide who goes on American television! Sadly, before the race was done, we hit traffic. So I braked... and bailed. That's that. Oh, he's turned off. Oh, very bold! Jeremy and I were now trying different tactics. He was wiggling in the back streets, and I was on the big road, hoping the lights would be kind. This race is now a race. 47th... 48th... 49th. Ten to go. It's just green, green, green. My plan hadn't worked and I was in a complete tangle. Broadway is one way. Oh, no! What's the next one? If I go to 7th... On, no, 7th is one way as well. It is. So I have to go left. Oh, spiffing! This is just ludicrous. There's only one road goes north. All the others go south. Still, could be worse. Broadway? Isn't that where the theatres are? Look at that! Look at that! I am on Broadway. Broadway! Hang on... Broadway's... I'm going the wrong way. More green lights, look at this! 56th, 57th... I wonder if it's Letterman. 58th. Right, this is 59th. Hello, America. This is James May in the latest Ferrari. Come on! All I had to do was stick with 59th Street for five blocks. Keep going. But at this roundabout, 59th Street just...stopped. Oh, God! Oh, this is where it gets difficult. Now I was relying on my famously brilliant sense of direction. I'm going that way. That was a hunch. Jeremy, meanwhile, had decided to replace navigation with raw power. 47th... Come on! Oh, God above! How can Amsterdam only be one way? What is the point? Right, I'll go across... Oh, I can't go down there. BLEEP! All the lights are green. And 53. 63. That's pedestrianised. Oh, it's all going wrong. Let me go down a street, for God's sake! Now I've got to get across. 9th. I want to go to 11th, it's near the junction with 11th. 66th. Here we go. West End Avenue. Lovely word! Five streets to go. 10th. Is this 11th? Off up here... Come on! 61... 60... 58. 59th. Yes. Oh, no! No! No! No, that's not possible. There's a Ferrari. I cannot believe it. Meanwhile... Avenue of the Americas is here! That's what I want. There you go, ha ha! Going to launch my career in America! Stuart was quite upset when he finally arrived... Oh, ahhh. Damn! Disappointed? Gutted, actually. Last. In your Beetle. Yeah. Don't be disappointed. But is this the...? James is in there. In there? You think he's been talking to Letterman, don't you? Yeah. Or Good Morning America. Yeah. It isn't that. Inhale, come up. You should feel a beautiful stretch in your abductor muscles on the inside of your left thigh. Inhale, come up. Move your arms up to shoulder height. Let's turn to the right side. Bring your legs out about three to four feet apart. So let's inhale. Now, start exhaling. Glide your hands down the back of your body. Bend your knees if you have to. JAMES COUGHS Take a break. I'm sorry. APPLAUSE So there we are. There we are, no question at all, the Mercedes was the best car. Apart from the fact it was so tail happy, it needed a new set of tyres every 500 yards! Look, the Ferrari was the best looking, it got me to the studio first, it was the fastest round the track... It cost twice as much as the Porsche... Listen, Stuart, you are out of this one, OK? And we are completely out of time. No, we really are. This programme is already 67 minutes long, yes? Thing is, though, James is insisting we settle our £5 bet. Here we go. Now we'll find out which is the quickest. Three, two, one... That is a remarkable getaway by the Fezza. I've got 563 horse power, he's only got 562. Let's see that extra horse! Here it comes! That is remarkably close! Look at it! Come on! Come on! I'm going to get him by a nose! Yes! Yes! Close. Really close! That was very close. Want to give it to me now? No. Hand it over now, come on. Hang on, let's settle this, because it was close. It was in fact a photo finish. And I have the photo here. Have a look at that. Oh. Yeah. Aha ha! Oh! No, it really was that close! I'm afraid it's a draw! Good. I keep my fiver! But, on that bombshell, it is now time to end. We shall be back on Boxing Day at eight o'clock with our annual Christmas Special, in which we are the three wise men and we go from the East - Iraq, to be precise - to the birthplace of the baby Jesus in Bethlehem. We hope to see you then, but in the meantime, please have a very, very happy Christmas. Goodnight! Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk I won't go in! I won't go in! No! No! The foetus is dead We have to take it out No! No! I won't go in! Help me! I won't go in! Help me! Move your foot! Don't block the door! I won't go in! Doctor please... Could you don't take it out? The foetus is dead. We have to take it out Please don't... Please go away Let me go! Will you? The last three reports are out. No match! No? Did we miss anyone? Probably not All the men are tested Should we test the women too? That's impossible I know. A woman can't be pregnant without a man Yet all the men ever entered the premises... ... havealreadyhad theirDNAtested Besides, that is a high security psychiatric hospital No ordinary people can get into it Yes Ok, I'll come and get it right now Miss T, the DNA of both foetuses are out I'll go get it now Any problem? Don't know yet, I'm going to check it out The only possibility is that... someone stealthily brought in men from outside to rape the female patients Or a man disguised as a female nurse Will that be possible? Does anyone have the calendar of last year? I do. What's up? I just want to find out what's the date in 2009 for the 28th Day of the first month in Lunar calendar Lunar 28th of the first month? I was born on Lunar 20th of the first month It was exactly on February 14, the Valentine's day, last year So what? That's weird? What? Before the lady was admitted to the psychiatric hospital She had miscarriage once According to the record It was February 22 Lunar 28th of the first month Last Saturday, March 13 She had miscarriage again It was also the same Lunar 28th of the first month That's wicked! What about the time? The operation time wasn't the same But the time that they took out the dead foetus wasn't the time of the baby's death Such coincidence! Miss T, there must be ghosts What? We compared both DNA of the foetuses The arrangement of their DNA is exactly the same Since the result is so weird The lab repeated the testing many times Yet the result is 100% positive That means the same guy went into the hospital... and raped the female patient again? No, that not the case, Miss T This report showed that... both DNA arrangements of the dead foetuses are exactly the same Which means... both foetuses are the same person You've been pregnant for three months. Don't you know that? My menstrual period has never been punctual You had miscarriage twice, be careful this time I prescribe some medicine for you to prevent miscarriage Once daily before bed Don't worry, nothing really bad Try not to reach up No smoking, no drinking Then everything should be fine Thank you doctor Get the prescription outside Winnie Shum ... Winnie Shum, gets the prescription Thanks Doctor Lee You like looking at girls, don't you? Did I? You didn't? You just looked at the girls with your twisty head How could I do that? I know Mildred is your good friend Even if I do, I won't do it here It's good that you know it Are you really worried that I'll get pregnant? Why's that? You don't want to get pregnant either! Do you really have to give me the shot by yourself? You think that I'll trap you? Are you afraid that I'll force you to marry me with the baby ? Don't be silly What're you doing? You know what... I don't What... youdon't? What're you doing? I'm asking you? All you want is my body for being with me? What's wrong with you? Ah Fat Let's have a walk Wait Thank you Greetings, Sister Yee Greetings Greetings, Brother Choi Greetings, Winnie Mister, do you want any beer? Nope Just call me when you want it We've a promotion Okay Mister, do you want any beer? Is that in bottle? Yes, $ 12 for the big one Okay, I want one Okay Ice-cold Okay Beer Okay, thank you Thanks Need any help? Not now, thank you Joey Wong Lunar year Mui Wu, 6th day of the tenth month , Noon Joey Wong Lunar year Mui Wu, 6th day of the tenth month , Noon Jo don't you know that I don't blame you for it I'm willing to have an abortion That's because I love you I can't say it's your fault But have you think about me? Of course I do Jena, you know that I'm really love you But you know that I do have my own problems I understand , I do But have you think about me? I have Don't Jena Jena I've a wife and two kids in Singapore You know that I can't divorce I know and I've never wanted to be Mrs. Chan But I'm also a human I do have feelings I understand it but you've to understand it You told me you'd taken contraceptive pills How could you blame me? I did You should give me $200,000 for compensation and health care Do you think have an abortion is a small deal? Why is that your sound is so different? Are you using "No-Hand"? What? Is there someone in your place? Is that a man? No, there's no one I'm tired from crying so I use the hands-free instead I won't use it if you don't like it Anyway give me time I can't talk too long Why? your wife is back? That's it I'll call you again in two days You're not letting him off the hook so easy, right? Don't you think I'll let him go easily? What will you do? If I can't get a few hundred thousands from him I'll kiss his ass! your crying is so fake just then Yeah very funny What was that? Are you okay? Ah Fat, don't be lazy We have to go to two other places, okay? Yes, going now What're you doing here so late? What do you have inside your bag? Nothing Nothing? Open it What's inside the sack? Nothing , stuff for Buddha worshipping Take it out, open it What is that? Take it out Open it Buddha worshipping? Using this creature to worship Buddha? That for Ghost worshipping ! How could anyone worship ghost, you're so funny Put them away Thank you Sir Show me your ID All the stuff inside your pocket This? Yes Nothing else Okay, put them back Okay, all set Thank you Sir You should leave and not to wonder around here In fact, I was leaving before you asked me to stay Okay? Go away Thank you Your dishes Brother Choi, I'm off So hurry, rushing to the next location? Yup, to sell whisky in Causeway Bay So hardworking , who can earn more than you do? My luck is hard Don't say that Am I wrong? Brother Choi, how many can I claim for last night? Last night? Twenty Thank you Brother Choi No thanks I'm leaving now Bye Bye Miss Cutie, did you get it? I'll get it now Thank you You're so lovely Thank you Hello Ting Yours Thank you What goodies do you have and not sharing with me? Nothing , just a placenta Take your time, I'm going down Bye Bye You get it for Zoe again? How come she didn't get it herself? She couldn't get so many, so often Yeah , right? Will that naughty girl sell those outside? I guess not She bought thirty pieces of RU-486 pills from Ah Wai last year Think about it... Thirty! That'salot How could she take them all? I hope she is really not selling these stuffs I guess not No? You better be careful Thank you Are you really taking them for yourself? Of course, the Chinese doctor says I'm weak I need to eat a lot of placenta to improve my body condition You take so many You're not going to sell them for profit, right? Don't put me in jeopardy No way! How would I put you in jeopardy? Trust me I'm leaving now Thank you Bye Zoe, what're you doing? What have I done? You were rather mindless I've called you a few times and you didn't answer me Really? Father Father Father Damned rat What's the matter? The pan That egg Egg Just breaking an egg yolk No need for such a big reaction ! Why did you stand behind me? Didn't say a word when you come back I don't know I need to say something when I'm back I'm back! Like this? Where's my stuff? Inside the fridge This one looks really fresh It'll cost you $500 $500? $500 is okay, I'll pay you You bastard, that costs me $500 Does Ah Fat become smarter? About the same Then why do you keep feeding him this shit? If I stop feeding him human blood He won't even have that tag of magic power Ah Fat is worth less Afraid to go to any crowded place Those people in luck carry strong positive power He dares not going inside their homes Just go to those who are in bad luck How useful is it? To take a look how poor and misfortunate they are? What's up? Ah Fat won't eat the thing? What's up? You bastard doesn't want to eat this? You bastard want to play ? Hiding from me? Keep hiding ! I'll beat you to death if I find you Keep dodging ! You bastard costs me a lot of money You're not eating? I'll beat you up Come back Not eating ! Contemptible wretch ! You won't obey me if I don't beat you up Eating or not? Eating or not? Eat it all Maybe Ah Fat knows that... ... ifhe keepsoneatingthese stuffs He will never be able to reborn Lower your voice, he can hear it Cut the crap! You think he doesn't already know? Maybe you should set Ah Fat free Allow him to get a new life He is so stupid , worse than the others Go get yourself a more powerful ghost! Talking shit I'd rather giving you away before I'll let go of him Great Giving me to a much wealthier father would be a good idea Do you think I really want to be your daughter? Being your daughter is so pathetic Then you should get yourself killed promptly Then you can come back to life as a billionaire's daughter Don't you think I don't want to? It's pointless to talk with you Go to hell You first Tramp You bastard , eats faster Is she? Yes What is it? Don't move You don't need to know what this is What're you going to do with my baby? None of your business The baby is mine So the baby is yours now? Then save it for yourself I don't want it Madame Lin You collect the fee from her then Don't I question no more Question no more You lie down Good , lose your eyes Come on Okay now? What takes you so long to put on the gloves You really... How's it? Taking so long Is the baby alive? Let me check The baby is fine If it's okay, then take it out quickly You're so slow, hurry up! How's it? Come on Great Give it to me Bastard Won't eat it if I don't beat you up Eat it quickly I've taught you to understand numbers for a long time and you still can't read numbers Are you stupid? You want me to beat you up again? Eat it quickly Finish it and learn the numbers The customers in Room #8 are big spenders Sell them the most expensive stuff Thank you Madame Joyce This is the friend I mentioned earlier This is Madame Joyce Madame Joyce Good looking. How old are you? Twenty Do you know what the duty of a PR is? Yup You prefer to be a "Wooden Fish" or a "Gold Fish"? What's the difference between them? "Gold Fish" is solely a hostess "Wooden Fish" will go out with the customers I know that... butIjustwant toknow the difference in terms of money For you? $ 15,000 as a "Gold Fish" About $60,000 as a "Wooden Fish" $60,000! What a big difference Then ... I 'llbea" WoodenFish" You're so lucky When can you come to work? Any time Then now Should I put on some makeup? Not necessary, the men now prefers young and innocent It's great to be young ! Able to earn so much more Just that you don't want to earn this kind of money A lot of wealthy men want you I just can't I know. It's good for you to have a principle What name do you want to use? Don't use your real name Then ... Jena Okay Mr. Chan, how are you? Let me introduce you a new girl In fact, you don't have to be so upset Maybe Nothing happens You don't understand it Yet you don't have to be so unhappy Maybe your wife isn't doing what you think Not really what I think? Let me tell you If she is not willing , no one can force her Anyway, don't be upset I'm not talking to you She is back Call me if you want to talk I'll wait for your call Okay! I'll call you Bye Who is that on the phone? A friend Which friend? Which one? Well... maybeIshouldyou Who these people are? Where did you get these pictures? Where? The best way to hide a misdeed is not to commit it What? These are my whiskey customers at work Customers? Kissing and hugging? Are you selling wine or prostituting yourself? I only took a few pictures You don't have to use such nasty words! Kissing and hugging for photos? Why didn't you go to bed as well? Crazy What am I to you? So what am I to you then? I'm a medical doctor You wear this mini skirt every night... Hugging , hugging If others see you , how could I face them? Big doctor Lee I forget that you have face and status right I love selling wine I aim to make a lot of money... to buy expensive bags and clothes Joseph Lee I've been selling wine for ten years You haven't forgotten why, have you? I know Thanks for reminding me A poor kid from the slum shouldn't attend the medical school I know it Winnie Shum I've spent all your money I caused you to take out a big loan I know I'm useless I don't mind if you keep telling for the rest of my life Okay? Hey, Joseph? Are you home? I want to come up What's up? You quarrelled with your wife? I don't know Can I come up? Okay But you don't have to rush I'm waiting for you See you later See you later Bye My feet are aching , are we there yet? It should be this one This one? Should be right I won't be free until next week Sorry about that Can you give me your birthday? Not sure about the hour? No problem Tell me your address Of course it's necessary I need to know where you live, what district That's your position Okay See you next Thursday Okay Bye Miss Wong You're late She isn't Miss Wong I'm Miss Wong If you don't believe in me, simply don't come over. Go away You shouldn't take the train , it's a long walk You should take the minibus, it stops right in front of here Sorry, I'm Joey Wong You Just like playing for fun You cause so many problems because you screw things up You come to me How do you want me to help you? Tell me! How can I help you if you don't tell me? I'm very unhappy Go on , I'm listening I just lost my job I'm suffering from insomnia every night Besides, I lost my lover That's all? I can help you with these problems Really? But you need to pay me first How much? $38,000 $38,000, that's a lot? Give us a discount No discount Not a penny more or a penny less It's doomed to be $38,000 Joey, forget it. Let's go Master, cheaper... please Will you take $ 10,000 Do you think this is a flea-market? Let's leave, don't beg him Joey Wong Since you come over We're somehow destined to meet I don't want you to meet with mishap No matter what Don't put that purple crystal at the head of your bed Worse of all, you put in on the left side You want to die soon? Master, you must save me! It can be done Regarding the money Miss Wong , you've to understand This $38,000 is part of... your destiny In any other way Instead of helping you ... I'll hurt you I understand Fiona, do you have $30,000 with you? How could I have $30,000 with me? You do You just don't want to take it out Do you really have it? I don't Don't believe him , he just make it up Open your purse If you don't have it, I'll give you $30,000 instead Do you really have it? Do you really believe him? Do you really have that $30,000? Ken returned some money to me at lunch Lend it to me please I'll return it to you promptly Please lend it to me Master, $38,000 First, I must count it It has to be sure, not a dollar more or less Otherwise, it'll be bad for your fortune Perfect! It helps So Do a few things when you go home, understand? Firstly Dump the purple crystal That red Japanese umbrella hanging on your wall Dump that too It's bad for your money fortune, better remember it Beside Hang a painting of fish on the wall Fish? What fish? It can be any fish Painting but not photograph And no more sleeping with your cat It'll take up your luck for romance And dry up your love fate You're doomed not to wear red shoes Dump all the red shoes at home Your fortune will turn good gradually That's all? No need to say a lot if it's useful Only junk words is end less You have to remember your sago-cycas at home will blossom soon That's an ill omen Thank you Master! Many thanks No thanks It's fate Bye Bye That's all Bye Remember! Fate! Being invincible is so lonely and so painful Bye-bye boss Are you sure you don't want me to accompany you? Nope, next time Bye Next time, next time, never next time! Don't you know that? You're the golden chicken Golden your head , I'll go change Madame Joyce Do you have a minute? What's up? Nothing ... How'sLosAngeles,good tolive? What's happening? You want to move there? Not yet. My sister operates a laundry shop there I might stay with her soon Together with your doctor husband? No If I go there, it means that we're divorced Madame Joyce Looking for Fiona? Yes, we'll play mah-jong tonight She is changing clothes Okay You don't have to accompany your Jo Chan? Jo Chan? He is back with his wife in Singapore Have you made your decision yet? I don't know just yet In fact, I'm planning to divorce However, I missed my period just this month That's a big problem ! The Gods are playing me Madame Joyce, we're leaving Okay Bye Bye What's your plan? I don't know, I'll have to wait for the baby's birth But I'm really tired I don't want to be like that Have you thought about it thoroughly? I've known you for more than ten years I always envy you that you've a doctor husband You've always been good to him And now you let him go? If the person is not yours, he'll never be yours your husband misses the best woman in the world right! You still haven't told me about Los Angeles Nothing special Every Chinatown in the world is the same Boring , boring , extremely boring But Hong Kong is not much better anyway They are just about the same But you've to know how to play mah-jong If there is Chinese; there'll be gambling Joseph Joseph , I want to talk with you Joseph Where're you? What're you doing? Nothing Where were you ? What? I was here all along I should ask you instead Keep pacing around , runs into a ghost? Zoe, give me your hand You may be pregnant Delivery How much? $106 $14 change, thank you Yours Why do you eat with your rubber gloves on? I have put on nails polish What's up? Are you okay? Hey Father, you've to save me, looks like I run into a ghost You damned girl, comes to me for help only when you run into ghosts But no... I 'mserious It's so powerful How powerful? Tell me slowly It... it... itis...alittlegirl She has been after me for a while Hey Hey Frankly, we've nothing to do with each other You've your own way, and I have... Ah Fat Help! Come save me! Quickly! Zoe You're pregnant Really? So what? We agreed not to have any baby How about an abortion? Why can't we have this baby? Why can't we get married? I'm already married I've a wife How could I marry you? Really? Joseph Lee How much longer did you plan to deceive me? Your wife has left you for a long time Joseph Lee, aren't you a doctor? You're so capable You should be able to save our baby Why didn't you tell me that you're pregnant? Would that be useful? Would you care? I was worried that my baby wouldn't have a father Now that I have no more worries I should leave you now I never want to see you again I'll file the divorce application And send you the legal documents I n fact, your wife has already left you more than six months How much longer did you plan to deceive me? I didn't mean to deceive you Just because I didn't have a chance to tell you You still love me, right? Let's get married We discuss our marriage later Now the problem is that you've taken contraceptive shots all along We shouldn't have this baby How come? Should be okay if we take good care of it How could that be alright? You just took the contraceptive shot two weeks ago Joseph Lee, you only tell me to have an abortion I refuse to do it! Zoe You listen to me first I don't mean you must have an abortion According to my experience this baby may have a problem If there's no problem Are you letting me to bear this baby? Sure... ifthereisnoproblem What do you mean 'If'? How about we find a gynaecologist tomorrow? If the doctor says it's fine then we'll have this baby Okay I'll do the check up right away It shouldn't be much problem Put on your clothes Okay, thanks You are so sick What's now? Your little John want to eat on the sly but unwilling to wear condom Now you're scared? I gave her contraceptive shots Who told you that shot is 100% foolproof? Will you help me? Okay your girlfriend takes the contraceptive shot Most likely she doesn't want to have a baby Yet you should tell your little John to be careful next time Don't casually run into any vagina Besides If you're interested in ligation I probably can help you out Don't worry Would you like some orange? No! Can you please leave me alone What's up? Are you insane? What? Am I not allowed to have a moment of peace at all? Sure, take your time Joseph , where're you? Help! You devil spirit Why are you haunting me? How much longer would you haunt me? No way... I won'tletyou hauntmeforlife! It's a girl How's she? Is she dead? What's happened? Shouldn't you call the ambulance already? right away You come again? What do you want? Is she always like that? The patient always shows wounds on her body Where are the dead foetuses? Can I take a look? Sure, this way, please Until this moment We've no reasonable conclusion to explain ... why are the arrangements of these 2 babies' DNA... ... aretheidentical? Are they human? Yes Their DNA is those of ordinary human What about sex? Both are female But there's one strange thing Both DNA prove that... they are children of Joseph Lee, the diseased doctor But these foetuses have no consanguinity to Zoe Kwok, the one who gave birth to them Does it mean that Zoe Kwok is not the actual bearer to these foetuses ? You can't really say that... The gynaecologist took the dead foetuses out... ... fromZoe'sbodyisafact If there isn't any consanguinity I can only think of one explanation Then what is it? Someone has placed a fertilized egg inside the woman's womb Just like a surrogate mother But that's quite impossible Have you seen this woman before? No Now that you've seen her... Anyfeeling? No... Nothing Is she being punished by gods? I don't know Why? Why don't you let me go? She won't tell. Then you tell me How about you? Please... I beg you to tell me You destroyed my chance for reincarnation When did I destroy that? You killed me When did I kill you? Haven't you found the wrong person? You killed me Who are you? your face keeps changing When you killed me I was only three months old My face wasn't fully formed at that time You killed me You've been pregnant for three months. Don't you know that? My menstrual period has never been punctual You had miscarriage twice Be careful this time I prescribe some medicine for you to prevent miscarriage Once daily before bed Don't worry, Nothing special Try not to reach up No smoking , no drinking Then everything should be fine Yes, thank you doctor Get the prescription outside Hello? Hello? Winnie Shum Winnie Shum , gets the prescription Thank you Now what do you want? I was a murderer in my previous life It was very difficult for me to reincarnate How dare you killed and made me a wandering spirit And now you ask me what I want! aaa**** bbb**** ccc**** ddd**** eee**** fff**** ggg**** hhh**** iii**** jjj**** kkk**** lll**** mmm**** nnn**** ooo**** ppp**** Facto tribe leader. Are you the man,and it's,like, when you're talking I'm just hanging on every word. I appreciate it. Rob thinks he's the boss of the camp are but this is my mountain and I'm still the king of the hill. Russell got fed up with his tribe following rob and staged a rebellion by hiding the machete. Getting rid of the machete will cause conflict in this camp and that's a good then. Go! But at the last immunity challenge,everything changed. The villains destroyed the heros in a blowout. *** You have coffee,sugar. Yes! aaa**** bbb**** Coach delegates you do this,you do that,and we'll go do this. But you when you look,coach is gone two miles out. In the end,the entire tribe voted out their oldest and most-abrasive member. Randy,the tribe has spoken. ***** 17 Are left,who will be votedly out tonight. VILL*** home*** Sandra tried to call me out in tribal tonight, and it was just very disheartening. I'm human. I'm sensitive. I'm probably more sensitive than most people. I just hide it behind a lot of things that I'm done and accomplished and behind a lot of the maciz mow. What did I do to serve sandra saying that tonight? There's never been anybody out here like me and there will never be anyone again. I did*** and** ***** I don't need it. I'm ( bleep ) man,and I don't need anybody to tell me or validate that. I'm the only person out here that will not ( bleep ) compromise. I understand where you're coming from,dude. It's unbelievable,man. Why doesn't anybody ever say anything good about me? Am I that bad of a person,man? Nobody ever does,man. I'm sensitive. Coach,I know you're sensitive,dude. But,dude,it's all for nothing because of that one sentence sandra said tonight and it's not even true,man. You know it,dude. I'm working harder than anybody. If you want to stick it out,I'll help you through it. Thanks for coming out here,man. No problem,dude. Just let me know how I can help. if you *** I may*** but...it*** - I promise you. - Like what? Don't aware feathers in your hair at tribal. Don't tell your stories. People don't believe your stories. They mock you. There's no reason to tell them. Do your thaichi in private where they can't see you. i can't** I might** Coach pulled me aside and said he wanted to go home but the villains do need coach in the game. He's much,much stronger than the last time he played physically, and that's what we need right now. I'm telling you,dude. I don't care what anybody says. I'm done. survivor s20e04 viii*** i'm*** just*** When we got back from tribal council, coach broke down in tears and said he didn't think the game deserved his nobility, and he wanted to quit the game, so I told him to stick in there and he knew what he was getting into. It's not like any of us are "survivor" virgins. - Is he okay,tyson? - He's sad. He talked to me last night, and said he was really thinking about just going home. - Really? - Yeah. He cried. He was,like,sobbing. i can't**** I can't believe that. This morning has been a little bit of an attitude shift. Coach had a little sob session with tyson, wanted to quit the game or something. I don't know. That's not much of a coach,if you ask me. What was that all did,man? It's just I feel like I'm on the outside. I want to bond with you,but i feel like you started playing the game-- I'm going to tell you something right now. You're not on the outside. Ok. Iek going to tell you that. We're good. Look,it's going to be okay,for real,man. Come here. I know you're hurting. It's all right. I mean,I want to,like,do stuff together. *** Then you're going to have to trust me,like, literally trust me,and you're going to be fine. All right. But I feel like the only time you,like, want to bond with me is when we're getting up for the challenges and that's cool and if that's all you want-- I'm not going to say anybody. You have to trust me. It's all about this island. Don't worry about it. Don't sweat is,man. Pick your ( bleep ) head up and act like a man,for real. - All right. - All right. I'm different than most people I'm one of a kind. The last of the mohegans,king arthur,legend. Nobody out here has got what i have. Confucius says the greatest glory a man can have is not in never falling but rising again every time he falls and I fell hard last night. You gotta be weak to be strong. There's power in weakness. Today's challenge,you'll see an even fiercer warrior from me. heroes** Read it! Read it! Choose from this mountain of goods,some items to help you improve your life. Work leek a well-oiled member to alleviate your hardship and strife. It's the catalog! Sears,life well spent. we get*** - I love that. - Yes! What does it say? How many can we pick? Two items. Fishing kit. Oh! Yes! We kind of proved at the last challenge that we're serious about this now, and we're more united,and I think it changed us as a tribe. So if the villains walk away with this sears stuff I'm going to be mad because I don't want to lose momentum. Come on in,guys! Heroes getting your first look at the new villain tribe. Randed voted out at the last tribal council. - All right,you guys ready to get to today's reward challenge? - Yes. For today's challenge,you are going to race head to head as you slide down a slippery course to retrieve a numbered ball that I will randomly assign each round. Once you have the ball,toss it in your basket. First person to get their ball in their basket scores a point for their tribe. First tribe to four wins reward. Let's get to the reward. This morning,in your tree mail,you received a sears circular with a ton of products to choose from. Heroes,you chose a well-equipped tackle box and a fishing pole and the kitchen set, everything you need to catch food,cook food. Villains you went a different route-- a very full tool cip,along with a tarp,twine,and a multifunction tool, everything you guys need to build,I'm guessing,a better shelter. Villains you're sitting out one person. It must be a woman. Keep in mind you cannot sit the same person at back-to-back challenges. - I'll sit out. - All right,parvati,take a spot on the bench. Draw for match-ups,gets started. All right,here we go. First round,coach for the villains,taking on tom westman for the heroes. You are looking for number 14. Survivors ready? Go! Both guys get a good run. Both guys launch themselves. A little bit of a battle. Tom has his. Coach has his. Coach in and out for the villains. Tom just misses. Coach scores for the villains! Villains lead 1-zip. Next round,russell for the villains,taking on cirie for the heroes. You're going for number nine. Sir viefers ready? Go. The more speed the further you will go. Russell not messing around. Grabs his ball,and he is off. Cirie having to crawl on her hands and knees to get to the number nine. Russell with a big advantage now. A lot of extra time. More shots. Cirie still not here. Russell scores for the villains. Villains lead 2-zip. Next two remember,for the villains courtney taking on candice for the heroes. You're going for number two. Survivors ready? Go! Candice not messing around at all. Courtney with a good slide. Both women get to their balls quickly. Candice has hers. Courtney has hers. Gotta get the ball in the hoop now. Candice scores for the heroes! Villains lead 2-1. All right,next round. ***** You are going to number 6. Survivors ready? Go! Amanda gets there first. Amanda has her ball. Jerri now has her ball. Amanda shoot and misses for the heroes. Jerri scores for the villains! Villains lead 3-1. Next round. Sandra taking on james. You are going for number 5. Villains lead it 3-1. We're playing to four. - Sandra scores,villains win reward. - Come osandra! - Survivors ready? Go! - No pressure. James no trouble,grabs the ball,keeps going, up on his feet like he's done it before. Sandra calling her way to number five james scores for the heroes. Villains lead 3-2. Next round,danielle for the villains taking on rupert for the heroes. Villains lead it 3-2. We are playing to four. If danielle scores,villains win. You're going for number one. Survivors ready. Go! Danielle not messing around. Launches herself. Has her ball first. Rupert loses his. Rupert playing with a broken toe. Deenl drops her ball now. Everybody panicking. Big reward on the line. Both tribes want it. Rupert must score to keep the heroes in it. Come on,take your time! Danielle can win it for the villains. The villains can smell that reward. Rupert scores for the heroes,we are tied 3-3. It's going to come down to one last point. Last match-up of this challenge will be colby for the heroes, taking on tyson for the villains. Winner wins reward for their tribe. You're going for number 10. Survivors ready? Go! Colby has his ball. Tyson right behind. Tyson has his ball. Donaldson gets off the first shot. Just misses. Tyson just misses. Tyson,you got it! Tyson just misses again for the villains. Come on,colby! Both guys very close. What are you doing? ***** Tyson scores for the villains. Villains win reward. All right,heroes,I got nothing for you,grab your stuff. Head back to camp. Congratulations,villains. Come grab your reward. viii*** - All right! - Hold on. The challenge was great,and the dragon slayer's feeling top notch. I'm ready to rock 'n' roll and I'm ready to move forward? Will I change? No,will I be the dragon slayer andleigh everybody? Yes will I aware my heart on my sleeve? Absolutely,enequivicably yes. i can'*** - what's*** - it's** I open the tools,and I grab this seerated blade and I notice something in it immediately. What the hell is that? A little note here in this. There you go. I thought that it was something that holds the blade in place. I wasn't thinking. I'm like,man. I just blew it. An immunity idol is hidden at your camp,and you have found the clue. Head down to the beach to a crazy palm which juts out over the sea. Go just beyond it and to the right and dig around the roots of the doubletree. So I grabbed the note. Little did I know it was the clue to a hidden immunity idol. Who knew? There were never any hidden immunity idols when I played the game. What do you guys want to do? We can all go find it and then do what with it. Get it and throw it into the ocean. 'cause** what** you're** We're going to write your name down and force you to use it. It isn't fair for one person to have an immunity idol. alright** Rob says we're finding the hidden immunity idol all together and we'll get rid of it, but they're too dumb to walk even down the beach. This is a bunch of idiots out here. Man,if I could find that hidden immunity idol, I will become powerful in this game. We have to make a floor. And then we can take a piece of wood and push it out, - so it's more of a shelter. - Yup. There's no way that I can get a clue for the hidden immunity idol and not find it. That's not going to happen. So I'm thinking that that's the palm over the water, and they have two trees right next to it,so I'm going to find it. This has to go on top. i'm going** Okay. The question is,is he really going for a walk or is he going looking for the idol? Sandra. Go find out what russell's doing doing. hones** let me** 'cause** Is that him over there? He's a stupid ass. Russell sealed his own fate. I mean,it sucks,but that's what we said,right. he's gone** what? *** That's what we said. If you go for it,you seal your own fate. Exactly. Russell's a bone head. He's like the hobit on crack. And you know what? I dointd trust russell's ass at all, and the safest thing to do with someone like that is to just get rid of him right away. heroes** that's** Oh,me too. Everybody slept pretty sound last night. JT** Night. Maybe a little more. You can put a little more,maybe. It was kind of weak,wasn't it. What is that? I wonder that whatthis is? I don't know,but hurry up and open it. Oh,an immunity idol is hidden at your camp. And you have found the clue. At the end of your beach,you'll find the right angle. **** .. one tall,one fallen,and one in the ground. Dig under the rock 90 degrees. Ain't one of us supposed to find it not all of us? For real! This morning everything changed. As we poured out the coffee we found a clue to a hidden immunity idol somewhere on the beach. Colby and I are on the outs with this tribe with no way to get in so we need this to stay alive in this game. There went j.t. he*** james** I think I'll go this way. Man! damn,** We searched the first clearing,I moved to the next one, immediately saw a leaning tree,a fallen tree, an upstanding tree,forming a triangle. Everybody was going to see it,i felt, so I had to get down and try to get it first. James arrived. I moved to a different spot. I could see that the sand was a little loose. I knew I was on it. So I dug quickly. And while nobody was looking. I found the immunity idol. Drops it into my sock. Now,a few more people are on the scene. We've got candice over there. It's getting a little crowded and I have no idea what to do with this thing. Tom,was acting a little funny,and when I came up on him, I saw him put something into his sock,and then he went behind a tree. So I knew he had it. i haven't** There's a lot of rocks under here. tom** really. *** he** tom** Oh,shucks. We were getting along so good. Now this is going to make everybody crazy again. Okay,I found it. - she saw** - She did. **** to move** the hidden immunity idol changed the whole playing field, and that's all we needed. We needed an opening. Tom and I needed an opening to get back in this game. Granted,neither tom nor myself,we're not comfortable. But we're in a little bit better of a position than we were a couple of days ago. Ago. *** Yeah,right,what a morning. Come on in,guys! - Rrt,you guys ready to get to today's immunity challenge? - Let's do it. First things first,j.t.,give it up. Once again,immunity is back up for grabs. For today's challenge,one person will be strappedded in a giant ball. That person must then guide two other tribe members who will be blindfolded as they push the ball down a long,winding course to a table maze. The person inside the ball must then guide four other tribe members, also blindfolded,as they maneuver the ball through the table maze to the finish hole. First tribe to finish wins imimmunity,lives to see another day. Losers go to tribal council. Somebody will be voted out. This entire season we've been doing classic challenges from " *** this challenge is it classic for another reason. This is the only challenge in the history of "survivor" to not be completed. It was stopped last season due to a medical emergency. So although russell has run this challenge, one of these two tribes will get the honor and distinction of being the first tribe to win it. Villains,you're sitting out two people in this challenge. Who's sitting out. Courtney and sandra. Courtney and sandra sitting this one out. Heroes,you're sitting out one person,who's it going to be? Cirie. Cirie sitting out for the heroes. *** Take a spot on the bench, give you a minute to strategize,we'll get started. All right,stepping up and leading for the villains is rob. Tom calling the shots for the heroes. Here we go,for immunity. Survivors ready? Go! Doing good,doing good. Heroes off to a good start. Keep doing what you're doing. Tom is guiding rupert and james. You're ahead of them. Boston rob is guiding coach and tyson. Together,together,together! Together,together,together! We're neck and neck. Tyson,now,tyson now. Villains in the lead. Move it now,move it now,we're wide open,wide open. Rob takes a big hit on that tree. Together. Take the turn,hard left! Keep going. There you go,that's good. That's good. A little toward rupert. A little faster. *** They're a little ahead of us. Coach's side,coach's side. Villains very close. Take off your blind folds,coach and tyson. Put him in a position where he can see and then you can start calling shots. Rob is guiding parvati,russell,danielle,and jerri. - Heroes are now here. - I'm in. Take off your blind folds,get him oriented. Get me straight. and amanda down to the left a little bit. Tom guiding colby,candice,j.t.,and amanda. A little more,a little more,a little more. Danielle,slowly lift it up. Russell down. If they're right,the villains have a bit of a lead. I want danielle and russell to come up at the same time. Now,good,don't move,don't move. Colby and candice towards my voice now,towards the guys,towards the guys. **** Hard left,hard,yes! Great! There's a little gate here. So this is going to be the tricky part. We can't ge let it go through. Parvati up,russell,up,up,up. Good,good. Don't move. Rob with a big move for the villains. We want to go hard towards the ladies. Hard towards the ladies. Yes! Great! Perfect! Tom with a nice move for the heroes. Russell again,slowly up. Parvati up. Okay,don't move,don't move,don't move! Very close now for the villains. Keep going. Amanda down,j.t. up. Heroes close. Jerri down,jerri down. Down towards amanda. No,jerri,up,up,up. We got it. Villains win immunity! Oh,my god! Good job,rob. Good team work. Good team work. All right,rob,you stepped up in a very gutsy position as caller. Paid off. Immunity. For the villains. heroes,you have the afternoon to figure out who's going home. Grab your stuff. Head back to camp. I will see you at tribal. We're going back to tribal council. And getting rid of colby or tom tonight would be the smart thing to do. They have been on the outs with our tribe since maybe day three. And for my game,I need some of these strong people gone. heroes day 11 we** I'm sorry,guys. No,you had the hardest damn job of all. - I just couldn't get - the timing right. I apologize. The challenge was a heartbreaker. Colby and I are low man on the totem pole within the tribe, and the last thing I need is to be marching off to tribal council tonight. I have the immunity idol,but I'm still a target because they know it's in my possession. So my game right now is biding my time and looking for the little cracks in their alliance that we can use to save our necks. ***** - We have to break up the colby/tom thing,period. - Right. If we split the votes 3-3,on tom and dolby,and tom plays the idol, colby goes home because he's the one with the next most. If tom doesn't play the idol,that would force a tie between the two of them. Then the rest of us would vote four on one and two on the other. Let me just get this straight. Thai breaker. And they can't vote at all. And they can't vote at all. **** - So we're good. So either way we're good. - Right. We're going to tribal council tonight, and we kind of have a plan of what we want to do. Tom has the idol,and we need to be extra careful right now. But as long as we're all on the same page, yeah,theoretically,it should work out. what** I'd like to see candice go myself. What about the idol,though? He has a lot of power. Yeah,but he's not going to hurt us. He just scares me because tom is smart. I'm just telling you I trust him a hell of a lot more than candice. I would love to have tom and his idol in an alliance with me. *** Coally and tom are straight guys,look you in the eye, shake your hand,tell you how they feel and you can take it to the bank. I'd rather have somebody like that to count on than candice, the scrambling,the running around she's done in the past couple of days. I don't trust her as far as i can throw her. I'm trying to figure out what makes sense to you and you and james. And colby and I as partners definitely makes more sense. I think you have two guys who are going to be honest and two guys who are going to compete better than cirie and candice. My concern is that because there is the immunity idol eye wish there wasn't one-- and I'm trying to figure out how to get that stain off of me. Why don't you just give me your word the immunity idol is not going to be used against us. No,no,I swear to god we'll play that thing as a committee. If there was no idol I would feel much better about this. The idol would scare me. I could give it to you if one of you wants it and then it's your idol. With tom having the immunity idol he's either a great threat or somebody to work with. I am a little leery,tom voted for me at tribal council but he was ready to give us the idol and there is a part of him that I do think is honest. what's** who's** We were just talking about that. I don't really trust candice. Hell,no! **** She's two scattered brain. I just want to win. I want the strongest team. That's what I want,too. I totally trust you,tom. I've been trying to ingraishate myself with the powers that be and I had something to bring to the table. *** I suppose a new alliance was born but I don't believe or trust anybody in this game so we'll see. alrigh... here's** we were*** ***** I just want to be here. I'll even give it to you guys. So everyone wants to take candice out tonight. That is the dumbest thing. Did he give it to you? - No. - Oh,man. These are the same people that wanted you gone desperately. - I know. - Desperately. And now you're going to save them? This is so stupid. Tom and colby and they're a much bigger threat than she is. Can you beat them? Oh,my god! Amanda,I love her to death,but she is not the sharpest tool in the shed. My alliance,they're so wishy-washy. These people,like panic and do crazy stuff. She told me the plan was changing. Unbelievable! Unbelievable! why all** If she was so untrustworthy, your girl right here wouldn't be standing here now. With this one at least we can keep her under control. No,we haven't made the final decision yet. ** Come on. Tom is very charismatic. It's part of the game. Whoever scratches first. Loses. I win. Ooh, that has got to hurt. Well played, Little E. Okay, who's hungry? Dad. We need uncle B. I mean. We need someone. Taller. - To reach a branch that high. - Not so. Who knows more about getting honey than a deer, huh? Come here, Little E. Spine so frail. Dad? Quiet, Gisella. The slightest sound could wake the bees. Bees. At least getting stung will take his mind off the itching. Yeah. Hey. Keep it down. Too much chocolate. Hey, why did you do that? Just hold still. Give a little poof over here. A tease over there. A pull, a tug. A comb. Make it snappy. I am a genius. Get a camera, because you are. Perfecto. The spitting image. They will never know the difference. Now, let us go dance. Doug is here everybody. Remember what they say about not talking. If you don't have something nice to say? She's beautiful. I see what's going on here. What are you talking about? Nothing's going on here. Okay. I am serious. Hm-hm? Hey, I am just happy to meet another grizzly. That's all. Whatever you say. Tiger. Show me your strength. So uh... Hey, Ursa. I thought I'd introduce myself, because you know. Doug? Why is voice low? Are you again. To be sick? Oh. Um. - I am not actually. - You'd better not be. No. I mean, um.. Hey. Watch it with that stick, little dude. Come on, Doug. Arms up. Why must we go through this everyday? A little bribe, perhaps? It's chocolate. You love chocolate. - Come on, arms up. - Please. Now, we are ready. Let's begin. Right foot up. Left foot up. - Slower. - Faster. Jump. Squat leg. - Stop. - Wildly bear. Hit it. You can really move. You ready? Hey, I was born ready, baby. Wait, I am not. I am not ready for. Why can't you just once be there when I need you? Oh wait. Ursa, let me explain. - I am not. - Doug. I don't want excuses. Maybe if you just. Cut the lift. - That's all. - No, wait. I could have caught you. It's just that I am not. - Doug. Thanks a lot. - Yeah, thanks Doug, okay? He only thinks all about himself. - Listen, I am not. - Doug. That was worse than yesterday. Oh, wait. Ursa. Uh.. Give her some time to cool down maybe, okay? But I have to tell her who I really am. There will be plenty of time for that. When we are all living in Bear-vana. Trust me. If there is one thing I know. It is women. And. Musical theater. But that is not important right now. What is important. Is that women. Do not like to be rushed. Look, Alistair buddy. I wait in here until Doug is back at sunset And everything is going to be fine. Alright, Alistair. If you say so. Alright ladies, buckle up. - One two three four. - Look, I am flying. This must be the place. Bear-vana. Finally. I am the only bear. And all the animals are going to worship me. Just like they did Boog. Boog's back, everybody. - Boog. - Thank goodness, he's back. - Yes. - About time. Yeah, I know. It's good to finally be here. You look terrible. And your voice seems worse. Yeah. Complete Gaga girl. What are you talking about? My voice is as smooth as silk. Must have been rough out there. Rough? Yeah, it was rough alright. That's why I look terrible. My voice sounds like Ka-Ka. Now why don't you all run along and fetch me some goodies? Goodies smoothies. Boog. Here. Hold these for a second. How dare you show your face around here? After what you have done? got to go polish my... Uh. Me too. Me three. Yeah. Dad. I thought you were going to apologise? Apologise? If anyone should apologise, it's him. To me. For. For. This. And this. Then this. Well? The silent treatment. Well, I too can play at that game. Only I am not playing. I was fine before I met you. Oh, sure, I was tied to the hood of the car. Sorry uncle Boog. Dad hasn't been the same since you have been gone. Now look at me. A pathetic shell. And all because of you. It's too late now, Boog. This deer. Has sailed. Sorry uncle Boog. I hope you guys can work things out. Dad. We're all glad you're back, uncle Boog. That is one seriously messed up deer. That's better. Good to be myself again. Time to hit the road. Doug? He's not coming back. Give him a chance. It's still early. Besides, he's a grizzly. We're family. It's all a lie. There is no Bear-vana. Come on, Alistair. He will be back. Grizzlies hate each other. It's in their genes. What are you talking about? Grizzlies don't hate each other. The mens do. They are to macho. Doug lied so you would help him escape. And I... I was his partner in crime. In crime. Who have I become? If Doug's not coming back. Then Ursa won't talk to me. What am I doing here? This one goes to my girlfriend. Out on the Pampas. I am all alone. My heart. Has crushed to nada. I am all alone. It won't work. Don't bother trying. If you try that. You will go flying. What are you looking at? Nothing. That was. Well, you were. That was beautiful. You are making fun. No. No. Really. Listen, Ursa. I know you have got no reason to believe me. But I got to tell you the truth. I am not Doug. I am Boog. You are right. I have no reason to believe you. Look. I never should have come here. I know that now. This was all a big mistake. Why is fur dark? Like I told you. I am not Doug. I am Boog. I was just you know. Looking for a place where I belong. So, if you just give me a hand moving one of the carts. I will be out of your hair. Oh, now I see truth. You want me to help you escape. And ruin circus. - No. - You are pathetic, Doug. No, Ursa, seriously. I just. You twanged? No. Okay, because I thought I heard my name. It doesn't matter. I just want you to know that. I am sorry. I really thought Doug was my best friend. That's okay. I suck at picking best friends too. Are we good? You and me? Yeah. We're good. Excellente. I promise I will never tell you I am coming back when I am not. And I promise I will make time for you.. Even when I got a bunch of important things going on. - Amigos? - Yeah. Amigos. This is nice. Talking like this. We will do this every night. A kind of. Guys chat. Si? Guys chat? I like that. Good, okay, so... Since you're stuck here. A little advice, okay? The way to a woman's heart. Is through. Her. Art. The circus is coming. How can a circus be coming? A circus is a tent. With posts, stuck in the ground. This is a highway. Oh no. No. Thank you. We made it. That wasn't easy. - This still doesn't look like a circus. - Strange. It sure smells like it. No. I need those. I need those. I need them. There you go, baby. Just like new. - Hi, how's it going, Stew? - So far so good. I got your balloon order. How could you have been so wrong? I don't know? Maybe it's allergy. Wait a minute. Look in the window. The circus poster will tell us where to find Boog. Quickly. Before we are seen. There you go, baby. Wait till you see the super balloon bouquet I whipped up for you. Nice exploration of negative space. Hurry up. I should be on top. - I should be on the top. - A little closer. - Don't wave. - Nine, a little closer. Meat snack. Look, they're colored. It's perfect replacement. I need those. Hey. Stop that. We have been discovered. You just. Hey. Come back here. No. I am going to get you. Get back here. Gotcha. Meat Snack. Meat Snack. Come back here. You knew you were going to this guys' trip. For two whole weeks before you told him. Maybe I should go talk to him. Hold it right there, big fella. So you forgot. If he was a real friend. - He'd understand. - You're absolutely right. Boog is a real friend. Your life is a mess without him. By mess you mean awesome. No, I mean mess. - Awesome. - Stop that. - Enough. - Dad? Girls. I was just. Not important. So, is it breakfast time again? Lunch? Dinner? Play time? Is it a dope problem? What's a dope problem? Nothing, what's up? Mom always says that. If a friend is upset with you you should try and work things out. You're upset with me? You're right. I have been a complete failure. How can you ever forgive me? We were talking about you and uncle Boog? You should go talk to him. Or maybe we should go and get uncle Boog. Bring him. Here. And you're not a complete failure. You're a dad. We love you no matter what. Father? It's okay. All for the taking. Hey Boog. Can you help me with my digging? Can you help me get my wife unstucked from the pine? - What. - Can you help me with my nuts? I mean... Thought we were going to mark the perimeter? - Hold on. - What about our habitat? - Yeah. - Hey Boog, can you help me with thing? Do you think dad and uncle Boog will ever forgive each other? What's going to happen if they don't? Enough. Enough. Enough. I am not your servant. I am king of the jungle. Well, technically the lion is the king of the jungle. And this is the forest. A jungle tends to be denser and hotter. - Deer. - What? I travel. Fine. Then I am king of the forest. Either way. Things are going to change around here. You. Go get me some nice ripped berries. And you two. Find me a good waterfall where I can have a nice soak. And you Doily. Riley. Whatever. You and your guys go build me a nice comfortable bed. Up on that hill. Don't you mean in your cave? Oh, yeah. My cave. Move. Better do what he says. He's gone bluhnicaccas. He has really lost it. - Yeah. - Could be stress. Big mad bear disease. It could be stupid deer disease. Seriously? Is that going around? Maybe we have all been taking him for granted a little too much. Oh. Hello girls. How long have you two been standing there? We just uh. Got here? What is that? Some kind of nervous tick? Nervous? Who's nervous? What do you girls want? We just wanted to say. How glad we are that you're back. Bye. - Hey. Perhaps Boog is uh. - Changing. - That's not it. - We change all the time, huh? Just yesterday. Deni, he's in love with foeigras. Then I tell him what it is, and. He can't talk, he can't sleep. He saved me. Can you just go and find our mom? Please? I will be your best friend. Alright, alright, you twist my wing. But only because the two of you are so good. Thank you Serge. - You guys rock. - Deni, follow my tail. What do you think? Your tie is a smart bow tie. Perfecto. I see you're sweating. Nervous anticipation. What are you talking about? - I am not sweating? - Yes, you are. I see a little drop of moisture on your upper brow. Right there. - Hello little sweat. - Yeah, sweat. Right. Nothing to worry. You're going to knock her out with the real you. She'd be like. Doug. Who is Doug? I am all about Boog, baby. There is something different about Doug. Looks like someone got a hair brush for birthday. - Still think I am Doug? - Yes. How about now? What are you trying to prove, Doug? That I am Boog. Let's try the ladder. Oh, forget it. - Well, can you ride. - Unicycle? Check this out. See? I am Boog. Look, I am sorry we got off on the wrong foot. But once you get to know me. The real me. - You might like me. - Leave me alone. Doug was afraid of heights. If you're really Boog. Why don't you come up here and prove it? Don't give up. Follow her. She wants you to. That's. Pretty high. You're probably right. That impressed a pretty girl. - Hm. - Just go. One can't help but be moved, no? Now you believe me? I believed you when you ride the unicycle. Doug couldn't do that either. You mean you made me climb all the way up here for nothing? Not for nothing. You need to be punished for juggling the dog. Boog. What a nice name. If you want to practice the dance. Meet me outside. You put a girl in grizzly. Cats, tonight, you're going to play your little whiskers off. And a one and a two. Miaw, miaw, miaw, miaw... Miaw, miaw, miaw, miaw... Miaw, miaw, miaw, miaw... You dance very well, Boog. I practiced. I figured you might trip me or something if I messed up. Me? I would never do that. Yeah, but I might. So you'd better watch yourself. Oh, definitely looking good. You are not like other bears. Why is this? I don't know. Maybe it's because I grew up with humans. Really? Me too. I grew up in circus. Me too. Well. kind of. I mean, I used to do this show back in Timber Line. It wasn't a whole circus. But I juggled and stuff. You and me. We are not like other grizzlies. We are not like. Anybody else in the world. That was so inspiring. So moving. So. So prof undo. Let us retire to the caravan. For our end of the day talk. We should practice the lift. I'd like that. Come. We will hook. Over to the trailer. Time to share. Like the amigos we are. I pulled something. If just once I could perform the dance. The way it was meant to be. I would never need to perform it again. Boogie. What about the guys chat? Huh? Yeah. Ursa and I need to practice. Doily. Make sure you get that spot right by my third... Ooh. Yeah. That's it. Sorry Boogster. Just a little cramp at my neck. Seriously? Six pack, take some pride in your work. Any chance we can take a little break? A break? You all just had a break. Like. Six hours ago. What is going on here? Giselle. Thank goodness. You're back. Now you can vent him. Excellent. Reinforcements. You two. Go get me some more berries. And you. How about you start massaging my paws? All this clapping is making me sore. Now. - Who are you? - What are you talking about? Boog would never yell like that. Especially at fawns. So who are you? Who am I? - If you haven't noticed, I am. - Boog. I am so sorry I let you down. - Can you ever forgive me? - Does that answer your question? Giselle. Oh, thank goodness you're back. See? Even the crazy broken deer knows I am Boog. Do you even know his name? Of course I do. It's. Uh. Starts with an E. E.... Emily? Edward? Followed by 2 L's? Eleanor? Oh, whatever. It doesn't matter what his name is. All that matters. It's that I am a grizzly. And I am king of the jungle. First of all, this is a forest. I tried to tell him. And second of all. What have you done with Boog? - Yeah. - Where is Boog? What have you done? What difference does it make? You would all do what I say. I am your Boog now. Boog. Boog, now that we're best friends again. What do you say we go on guys trip? Just the two of us? He's not Boog. Oops. You're not Boog. That's not Boog. Oh, thank goodness. I thought you were mad at me. But now I know that you weren't. Because you're not even you. What a relief. - Elliot? - Yes, dear? - Elliot. - Oh, right. What have you done with Boog? He's locked away somewhere. You will never find him. Especially after tonight, when they take him back to Russia. Russia? - Who's Russia? - It's not a 'who'. It's a 'where'. And believe me. You could walk for the rest of your life and never get there. You won't get away with this. No? Who's going to stop me? Okay. Okay. Okay, I am ready to talk. I am listening. He's at the circus. Just follow the search lights and you will find it. That's a good one. What search lights? Now let's go save Boog. because I owe him a big apology. And because we miss him And we want him to come home before they ship him off to Russia. Yeah. Imposter. Sorry. That Boog sure is one lucky guy. I Wish I had a friend like that. Wait. I do have a friend like that. Thank goodness, that nice man at the Punimart called us. You poor dear's. Must have been hungry to go all that way to find food. But don't worry. Mommy won't make that mistake again. That's enough, isn't it, Bob? Maybe we should stay. No, no, you're right. My snugly woddly and I need this time apart. Kick me out, Bob, before I change my mind. Well, we might as well dig in, since all hope is lost. Wait for it, wait for it. Oh, Meat Snack. Excuse me for a moment. I hate cats. So do I. Fi. Look. The circus. I have seen of these lights before. Wait. You mean the circus is just behind those trees? Yes. My new old friend. Boog is closer than we ever imagined. Alistair? What's wrong? And once again. I have been tossed away. Hey, hey, Alistair. Come on, buddy. Don't bother me. I sat in my trailer all night. Waiting for the sweet sound of paws. Knocking on my door. But no. All I hear. Is the sounds. Of loneliness. What are you talking about? Have you forgotten? Already? Do I mean so little to you? It's time for guys chat Just us on guys chat. You blew off guys chat. You blew it. Oh man. I totally forgot. See, I was with Ursa and. Well, you know how it is when you're all caught up and. Look, Alistair. Sometimes it's hard to find time for everything. And everyone that's important to you. Alistair. Alistair. You're right. I have been a bad friend. You might not believe this, but. I know exactly how you feel right now. And I am sorry. It's okay. I forgive you. Seriously? That's what friends do. Amigos. Don't worry. We're going to have plenty of time for guys chat. Once we get back to Russia. Huh? Russia? Oh, sure. Oh, you're going to love it there. All the snow and the ice. You're going to love the way it pierces your skin. And makes your... Oh, I get excited just to think about it. Plus, it's only 5,000 miles away. So you can visit home every year or two. Or three. Maybe four. You're going to be a polar bear. That's what you're going to be. Let's go, troops. Look alive. Uncle Boog never took us on a rescue mission. Yeah, I know. This is way cool. You should go out of town more often, mother. Elvis, I don't think so. Release the emergency break. We are moving. Hang on to your little horses. Steady. Steady. Alright everyone, steady. I can't see a thing. - Why? - Out of the way. Out of the way. Steady. Steady. Oh no. Oh no. - They're gone. They're gone. - What's gone? - Turn left, right? - Right. No. Nine. I said left. No. No. No. Oh. I am calling it a day. It's worse than I thought. They strap him to wheels and light him on fire. Then point and laugh. It's torture at its worst. We have to rescue Boog before. They make him wind into tiny, whiny rope of death. Let's go. Yeah. Wait. Their fortress is impenetrable. it's hard to break into. So here's what we're going to do. McSquizzy and Buddy, you work on the left flank. Kids, you run the charging manoeuver on the right. Ian, Giselle, you find a chisel, a toothbrush. And as many maracas as you can carry. - Then. - Or. What about this instead? Serge and Danny, you find the exits. Mom and Ian, you stay and look out here and here. While the rest of us sneak in here. And rescue Boog. Yeah. That's ridiculous. The tent's too big. We need at least 6 more of us. To pull that off. Oh, my friends. Mr. Weenie? What are you guys doing here? We are here to save Boog. - Kick some pals. - So are we. It's destiny. Ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to welcome you To the great Moslova Family Circus. Everyone clear about what to do? - Yes. - No problem. Uh, what was the middle part again? Dad.... Everyone spread out and try to find Boog. When you see him. - Go get him. - Alright, let's move it out. - Be careful, girls. - Okay, mom. So. Come here often? Don't even think about it. Stop acting like such a troop. I really missed you guys. Yeah, me too. A full house. This is fantastic. - Are Ursa and Boog ready to go? - They're ready. Boog. Where did the rest go? You. You must be the new recruits. Yeah, yeah. That's what we are. Come on, let's go. - Any sign of Boog? - No, I can't see him from here. We need to get to higher ground. Like that. Man, I can't wait to get back and see Alistair. Back to my own cart. Home cooking. Three meals a day. I don't know, Bob. This expo is a bust. When we head back to the air stream. Did you hear that? He's close by. I can smell him. Let me try the bathing call. Big Foot. Ladies and gentlemen. The miraculous balancing... Stanley. Do you see him? I am not seeing him. Please. Welcome. The juggling pugs. Fifi. Do you see him? Great. Boog. Come on. Let's find a different spot. You'd think we can't miss a 1200 pound fat bear. Ursa. - Wait. - Come on, Boog. Show them what you got. I can't see a thing from back here. Any sign of Boog? Ursa. You're doing great, Boog. Oh, you see him? Good. Let's get him. Mika. You have returned. Time to go back into space. It's dark in here. Let me out. I am coming, Buddy. Mr. Weenie. Look, Bob, proof aliens do exist. - Keep up, handsome. - Ursa. Where are you, uncle Boog? Hi Fifi. Ursa. - Pretty. - Oh no. I hate dogs. Uncle Boog. Tell daddy he's right there. Ursa. - Ursa. - Boog. What are you doing? You need to get to your place. I need to talk to you about Russia. It's so far away and. - I am not sure if I... - Boog, we need to focus here. It's almost time for the big lift. - I know, but... - Come on, Doug. Please don't make this difficult. Dad. Dad. Dad. Gesalita. Uncle Boog is right there. What are you saying? Right? Left? Left? Right? Left? Boog. Elliot. Wait, what are you doing here? Thank goodness, I found you. - We are here to rescue you. - Rescue me. Elliot, I can't go. Doug. Pay attention. Ready? Go, Doug, go. Boog. It's worse than I thought. He's been brain washed. And now, Ursa. The great bear in disguise. Featuring the flying nano plates. Boog. Are you sure you can do this? I don't know. Russia's a big step and. No, I mean the lift. I have never been able to do it before and... if you are not 100 percent sure you can do it. I will be ready. Plan B. Smash and grab. Smash everything and grab Boog. Don't bother with me. Just another circus dancer. You ready? Come on, Ursa. Go for it. I got you. Boog. Okay guys, smash and grab. Please hold me. He did it. Oh, she finally did it. You got me. Boog. - Uncle Boog. - You're safe. We're here to save you. Rescue accomplished. Yes. What are you all doing here? Come on, let's get moving before your captors return. Hold up, Elliot. I appreciate you all trying to rescue me, but... I need to talk to Ursa. Ursa? Who's Ursa? I am. So. What? She like your new best friend or something? No, I am. What? You have 2 new best friends? I canceled one guys trip and the next thing I know. I have been replaced. Twice. Elliot, buddy. I am sorry. You haven't been replaced. You will always be my BFF. Are you apologizing? Yeah. I forgive you. But only because you forgave me first. Now, let's ditch the goat and the babe and hit the road. I am not a goat. I am a Lama. Really? because you look more like an Argentinian Carnelian. And now. Ladies and gentlemen. - The musical scalings of Doug and Alistair. - Where are they? Come on, Boog. - Without me? - No. We got to get out of here. - Elliot, Alistair. - Do it. - Guys.. - Come on. Hold on, come on you guys. - I am not letting go: - Alisa. Stop. Everybody just hold up. Ursa. My beautiful Russian bear. I came here looking for a place where I belong. But what I found was so much more. What I found. Was you. Oh, Boog. Come with me. Come to the forest, make me the happiest bear on earth. Oh, Boog. I really want to. But I can't. A Russian circus without a bear is like no circus at all. I could never do that to them. You should go. I can see that they are more than just your friends. They are your family. And family should always stick together. Come. I will help you move the carts. Boog. You should stay. I learn something too. That friends want each other to be happy. So if she makes you happy. Then you should be with her. Oh, Elliot. That was really nice. You're awesome, dad. Yeah. I know. These are tears of joy. So beautiful. Alistair. You came back for me? Oh, buddy. I am glad to see you. Oh, it's good to see you too. I'd like to breathe. Sorry, I tricked you, Boog. Sometimes you don't know what you have until you have lost it. I know exactly what you mean. - Ursa. - Doug. Come on. We're late for our show. And now. Ladies and gentlemen. The duet you have been waiting for. Looks like the circus has a bear. Looks like you do too. What are we waiting for? Let's go. Let them go. But the circus. The circus. Will be fine. Or try to work to Rome. A place that we call home. You sure you're cool with this? Absolutely. It's important to make time for your friends. Even when you have a babe around. Oh yeah. Punch it in, baby bear. Dinkleman, I didn't know you were a girl. Have fun, Elliot. And don't forget to keep an eye on Elvis. Let's get a move on. Guys trip waits for no deer. Or bug. That's right, son. You're old enough to take part in the sacred tradition that is... guys trip. # On the road again # # Just can't wait to get on the road again # # I have always loved making music with my friends # # And I can't wait to get on the road again # He's not coming? He's going to join us later. Maybe we will get some answers, Bob. Like if Mr. Weenie was probed or not. # On the road again # # Going places that I have never been # # Seeing things that I may never see again # # I can't wait to get on the road again # Hey Alistair. Aren't you glad to be going back to Russia? Oh, truth said it, amigo. I hope I get to see my girlfriend. Carmen I am coming for you. # On the road again # # Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway # # With the best friends # # it's now the world keeps turning our way # # In Norway # What is it? It's just a little something something we set up for you. This is so sweet. Thank you for making me feel welcome. Alright, ladies. Look alive. Oh, brother. Oh, arrest me, officer. - Got it. - Shake it, shake it. To the right. Two three four. Who's up for the rabbit fight. Yeah. Look out, baby. Guys trip. It doesn't get any better than this. Just me and my best friends in the world, ...having a good time. - You got it, Boogster. BFF till the end. - Majesty. The French consider their strong ramparts and double walls invulnerable to our artillery! - We shall see about that. We've brought enough cannon here to conquer hell. - Fire! - Majesty, the Emperor's forces are at present besieging the fortresses of Luxembourg and St. Didier. - We'll break our siege first then advance on Paris. - Mr. Latimer, I have a mind to appoint you chaplain to my household. - Are you absolutely sure? You must know my reputation. - Queen Catherine has appointed Hugh Latimer as her private Chaplain. - And I thought someone said she was an intelligent woman. - Ah! - Mademoiselle? - Why won't you release me? - So you can go on fighting against us? - Yes! So I can go on killing you. - You're my prisoner now. Perhaps I'll even get a ransom for you. - Senor Treviso. - I intend to dig three tunnels. The main one will be here at the town wall. I say we could be under the castle and able to detonate a huge explosion in three weeks. - Two weeks. - What do you think of Senor Treviso? Builder of tunnels. - Do you think he's mad? - He's not the only one. - I regret to inform you of the deaths of ten of your Majesty's soldiers. The men all died of the bloody flux. I'm afraid that there is now an outbreak of the disease throughout your army. God alone knows how many it will take away. - Fire! Reload. - Stand ready! - Good God, man! Did you not find anything to eat? - There's nothing to find, my Lord. The whole countryside for miles and miles is stripped of every sheep, cow, pig, hare... of anything edible. We had French peasants come up to us, crying piteously in God's name for a piece of bread to keep alive their little ones who are dying for want of food. - It's not their little ones I worry about. It's my own soldiers. It's a pity the French will not come out and break lances with us, as they used to do. Then I could truly fancy I was Lancelot Du Lac. Instead of sitting here in our own shit and starving to death! Except for the bastards who try and run away! - Forward! Reload! - Ah! Oh! - Run! Run! - Stop! Stop! Wait! Don't move. Dai! Tornianno a lavorare. We do not have time to be afraid, my friends. Go, back to work. - Ah! Do you know where we are? - The castle's still 300 feet away. - Christ! - How many men have died of the flux? - So far? Two thousand. And a further three thousand are sick with it and not fit to fight. The sick are using up our limited resources. In my opinion, your Majesty, they should be separated from the well and transported back to England. - That would mean that I would have to that several ships from my blockade! What is the cause of this bloody flux that so unmans us? - Your Majesty, there is much disagreement as to causes. Some say it is the result of lack of supplies. Others, by contrast, say it comes of greed, the men having gorged themselves on unripe fruit and shellfish when they first arrived. What is certain is that there is no way known to man to stop its spreading infection. If the siege should continue for much longer, I'm afraid a great portion of your Majesty's army will soon be dug into the fields of Boulogne. - I will hear not hear anymore about it! You are as much my enemy as the French, since you seek to demoralize, to lie about our weaknesses, and to spin tales of sickness. These men are not sick from the flux but from cowardice! And I will not send cowards home! They will either fight or I will hang them by the wayside. You! Get them from their sickbeds back into that trench, or I will make you a head shorter. - Yes, your Majesty. - And in the future-tell me the truth! - -Perhaps the initials of these names... - Majesty, Bishop Gardiner asks for an audience. - Send him in. - Majesty. Come, ladies. - Your Grace. - Your Majesty. I have come to hear if there is any fresh news of the King and his affairs? - The King is very well and in the best of spirits. I am told he has never seemed happier. - We all pray for the King's life and his success. There is one matter I should discuss with your Majesty, since you act as Regent in his absence. - Go on. - Having discovered a nest of heretics among the King's musicians- and destroyed it... We now discover that there are heretics even in the King's privy chambers. - Of whom do you speak, my Lord? - The King's barber and the royal cook. We have enough evidence to draw up this draft indictment. All that we require is your signature. - My Lord, I praise you for your diligence in these matters. But I do not think it proper to arrest men so close to the King's person-without first asking him. Oh, and there is one other matter. We have heard rumors of an outbreak of plague near Windsor. So I have decided to invite the Prince Edward to come here to court and stay with me. - As you wish, Madam. You! Move yourself! Sergeant, over here! Right, men! All you boys, let's have you now. Move it, move it! Raise the light, boys! All you, come! - PA �re! Papa! - cha �re! Mon cha©rie. - Comment vas tu? - Je vais bien. tra �s bien. - Mademoiselle, in return for your cooperation, I have decided to allow your father to escape. - My cooperation? - You must promise not to try and escape yourself. Bring those provisions over here, now! - IL veux me garde A votre place - Vous Aates beaucoup- My father agrees. Thank you. - He must go now. - I'll miss you. Relee him outside the camp. Together now! Come on, up on your feet! - What about water? - Fire! - So, how are things, Harry? - Good. - Here. - Reload! - Here's some food. - That's your food. - You need it more than I do. I just sit outside and watch the seagulls. Go on, take it! Eat it, Harry. - And the horses! The horse is magnificent. - I bid you most welcome, my Lord Hertford. I take it your visit here confirms your confidence in the Queen's Regency! - Majesty. - Majesty, I have heard nothing but praise in all quarters for the dedication and skill of Queen Catherine in matters of state. She has great clarity of mind, and a woman's touch which soothes and cures where a man would usually rush into anger and complaint. - And the boy? - Prince Edward is well and healthy. - A toast to his health! - To the Prince. - To Prince Edward. - To the Prince. Bring it round! - What is it? - I have to tell your Majesty that I have received word that the Emperor has seized both the fortresses he was besieging, and has taken fifteen hundred enemy prisoners. - What did I tell you, Senor Treviso? I never trusted your methods. Everything has taken too long. - Majesty... - And you don't know how to handle the soldiers! None of you do! I swear to God I could have told you. Siege warfare makes men idle and bored. They get soft. Isn't that right, your Grace? The men get soft. - It's true, the camp is swarming with prostitutes. But even so, considering the conditions... - I want to make sure of the troops' good behaviour in case of an assault. We shall explode one of the charges under the castle walls prematurely-without warning. That way, we can observe the temper and the disposition of the troops in a sudden crisis. - Majesty, please. Listen to me, I beg you! We are only days away from mining under the castle... For the love of God, please. So many, many lives lost-and for what? Majesty, give me two days. - This is your food. Isn't it? - What about the people in the town? What are they eating? - Their cats. If they have cats. Cannons coming. We need some help over here! - Why did you let my father go? - I questioned him. He couldn't tell me anything useful about the town's defenses. - And I can? Why are you keeping me here? Are those muskets prepared? - Lady Mary. - Your Majesty. I wanted to show you my translation of Erasmus's "Gospel of St. John. " It is only started. But it is dedicated to you... Since I know how much our faith matters to you. - Thank you, Lady Mary. I am deeply touched. Come! This is so nice for me. To be with all three of you together... Which I think is as it should be! - Edward! I'll catch you! - Prince Edward! Prince Edward! A little decorum, please! - Edward! - Come here, your Grace. Now, tell me, you love the Lady Bryan, don't you? - Yes. - I think she loves you too But I think that it is time you were breeched from the Lady Bryan and her nurses and I think that you are old enough to be placed with your tutors, don't you think? - I suppose so. - Well, don't worry. There'll be other boys too. There'll be the Duke of Suffolk's son Henry. And it won't be all learning languages and scriptures. You'll also learn tennis and fencing, music and dance. Well, that will be fun, won't it? Good night, Prince. Lady Bryan, thank you. - Good night, your Majesty. - Good night. - Your Majesty. - Good night, your Majesty. - Good night, Lady Mary. Come here, young lady. Let me hug you. I expect great things of you, and I shall not be disappointed. - I hope not. - Now off to bed, sweet girl. Mistress Ashley-a moment. Anne. I believe that I can trust you. I think that your family are reformers. - Yes, Madam. - Lady Elizabeth's mother, Anne Boleyn, was also a Lutheran and a reformer. I suppose it is my duty, therefore, to bring the daughter up in the mother's faith. Would you have any objection to that, Mistress Ashley? - None, your Majesty. I should be proud to help the Princess thus honor the memory of her mother, whose life-and whose faith... Too many so easily disparage. - Good. Then I will appoint as her tutor Roger Ascham. He is also one of us. Mistress Ashley, this conversation never happened. Good night. - Good night, your Majesty. Good night. - What? - I broke my promise. I escaped. But I came back. You've got blood on your head. Take shots. Come on! Forward! Forward! For your lives! Take the front! - Thank you. All of you. It has been an honor and a privilege to have worked alongside men such as you. Gratia. God be with you. Gratia. - God bless you, sir. - Gratia Mille. Go. Clear the way! Clear the way! Move for the cannon! - Come on Girolamo, come on. - Go! Run! Run! - He lied to me! He's a charlatan! - Girolamo's mad again! - Go, go! Run! - No! Girolamo! - Save yourself! - Get in here, get in here, get in here! - They're injured in the mine! - We found somebody! Quickly, get him out! - Go on! Go on, sir! England! - The wall is down! Victory! - Is there anyone else? Are there any others? Is there anyone else alive in there? - No. - For the King! - England! - Section Commanders, form up! Form up your men! Prepare to take the city! Forward! - Prepare to take the city! Prepare to take the city! - Yes. - Children! Lady Mary! There is great news from France! The ng has taken Boulogne. He is safe and triumphant. Your father is a hero! He has captured Boulogne! - Kat-obviously thrilled. - I'm certain he'll be home very soon. How wonderful. - Most victorious Prince, as Governor of Boulogne, I have no choice but to surrender the keys of the town. - Monsieur. - I trust your Majesty will allow the inhabitants of the town and its unarmed garrison to leave unmolested and in safety. - I do so swear, on my honor. Although you and your company, despite God's will and contrary to all justice, withheld from me a town which, being a noble part of my inheritance, belonged to me. - Well, I congratulate your Majesty. You have captured one of the most beautiful towns in France. - In their great necessity, many of them ate horseflesh. - Did you see them go out? Even the priests were thin! - So, my Lord Hertford... Was it well done or not? Was it not God's will that we should reclaim part of our just rights and inheritance? - Majesty, the capture of Boulogne will live forever in the hearts of all Englishmen. And the eighth Henry as well as the fifth, in the glorious annals of our realm. - I call Boulogne "our daughter. " And I am the "King's Highness of Boulogne!" - I look forward- - Hertford. - Majesty. - I have a lot of unfinished business there. - A toast! To all. - To all! - And to victory. - And to victory! - Your Majesty. - Your Grace. Your Grace, I have much to thank you for. You have distinguished yourself above all in this campaign. - I am grateful to your Majesty. And now, I assume, we are march on Paris? - Why would you assume that? - Forgive me, your Majesty. I don't understand. I thought that was the purpose of the pact with the Emperor. - Do you suppose we should march on Paris with half an army, with thousands of sick soldiers, and in winter? No, your Grace, right now, Boulogne is now far more important to me than Paris... Than ten Parises! No, we shall back to England. We have gained here a singular victory... And I mean to hold onto it. I shall leave Surrey in command of the town. - Surrey? - Yes. Is that a problem, your Grace? - No, your Majesty. - Your Grace. - I'm sorry. Is that what you want? Move all that wood over there! - Am I free to go? - Yes. You're free to go. - You didn't ask for a ransom? - No. - Up on your feet. - Then do you think I'm not worth anything? - You are worth everything. Need some more powder? - Come back with me. - Where? - To England. - As your- - Yes sir, straight away, sir. - -mistress? Your French whore? - No. - Then what? - Je t'aime Je t'aime. C'est tout. - My Lady. - Your Majesty, it makes me so glad to see you so well and happy. And returned safe, thank God. - And victorious, thank God! - And victorious. - Kate. Bishop. - Gentlemen, for all this celebration, I am very worried about our state of affairs. The King's enterprise has bankrupted our exchequer. Is that not correct, Sir Richard? - We are at our wit's end to know how to get revenues to pay for the Boulogne campaign, or even shift for the next two or three months. - We are at war with France and with Scotland; we "ve the enmity of the bishop of Rome. We no longer have assurances of friendship with the Emperor. This war has proved noisome to the realm and disastrous for our merchants. Oh gentlemen, God help us, we live in a world where reason and learning no longer prevail and covenants are little regarded. - And where it seems even our Queen is a heretic. - It's true. And it will be God's work to destroy her. - Your Excellency. - Excellency. - Your Excellency. - Your Grace. - Your Majesties, you should know that, due to my infirmity, I have applied for a recall to Spain and am even now am awaiting the Emperor's permission. Madam, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you, on behalf of his Majesty the Emperor, for all that you have done for the Lady Mary and for fostering the friendship between England and Spain. - Excellency, what I have done for the Lady Mary is much less than I would like to do, as well as being my duty in every respect. And as for the friendship between our two countries, I have done and will do nothing to prevent it from growing still further, as the friendship is so necessary and both sovereigns... so good. - As are you, my Lady. - Excellency! - Majesty. - I hear your Master has signed a separate treaty with the French. Is it true? I asked you if it was true! Is it so hard a question, Eustace? - Yes, it's true, your Majesty. - And why should he do that? We were supposed to be allies. - I believe his Majesty had no choice. He had spent too long besieging the town of Luxembourg; His army was riddled with disease. - He still should not have done it! Behind my back! I trusted him... And he betrayed me. - Your Majesty, I am sure... - No, you defended and excused him your whole life! He is not to be trusted... And you should be relieved that you no longer have to lie on his behalf. You have my permission to leave my court. I wish you a long and happy retirement, your Excellency. - Your Majesty. - Excellency. - Your Excellency. - Farewell, your Excellency. - God speed, your Excellency. - She is taller than me, isn't she? - A little. - How would you describe her? - I would describe her as my wife. - When shall I meet her? - Do you want to meet her? - No. But your son... Henry? Yes, sometime. What are you thinking? - That I was dead, and am alive again. Let me look at you. - Say something. - Words aren't important. - You mustn't go. I forbid it. - My Lady, I have to. You can see how it is with me. - And what about me? - Madam, I don't think I could have ever left you than Queen Catherine's. I believe she loves you. - She may love me. I don't know. What I do know is that she is not of our faith. She pretends-but she is not a Catholic. She is a heretic-and still you leave me in her care! - Madam... - No... No, it is not your fault. It is my fault. If I had been a boy and not a girl, none of this would have ever happened. And England would still be faithful. - Princess! I beg you. - I am a lot older than I was when I first knew you. And wiser. I do not know if I shall ever be married, or if I will ever be Queen. Probably neither. But if I do become Queen, I swear to you now on the Holy Gospels and on the soul of my mother, that I will make England faithful again. I will do whatever it takes, I will burn however many heretics I have to, I will spill as much blood as I have to, to make this unfortunate realm Catholic again, and heal it, so help me God. - May I? Take this ring, in memory of me. It was a gift from the Emperor... Who received it from your mother. - Your Majesty, we have received news that, as well as concluding his separate peace treaty with the French at Crecy, the Emperor has given permission for a marriage between his daughter and the Duke of Orleans. - All right. - There is further news. We understand that the Dauphin, and an army of over 36,000 men are preparing to march on Boulogne. - I want my victory to be celebrated in every house in England. It was, after all, a very glorious affair. I want you to arrange for every bell to be rung and a mass of Thanksgiving to be said in every church. I want the name "Boulogne" imprinted on every English heart... Just like "Agincourt"! - Yes, your Majesty. .: Napisy24 - Nowy Wymiar Napisów :. Napisy24.pl one day to prove it. - Majesty. The French consider their strong ramparts and double walls invulnerable to our artillery! - We shall see about that. We've brought enough cannon here to conquer hell. - Fire! - Majesty, the Emperor's forces are at present besieging the fortresses of Luxembourg and St. Didier. - We'll break our siege first then advance on Paris. - Mr. Latimer, I have a mind to appoint you chaplain to my household. - Are you absolutely sure? You must know my reputation. - Queen Catherine has appointed Hugh Latimer as her private Chaplain. - And I thought someone said she was an intelligent woman. - Ah! - Mademoiselle? - Why won't you release me? - So you can go on fighting against us? - Yes! So I can go on killing you. - You're my prisoner now. Perhaps I'll even get a ransom for you. - Senor Treviso. - I intend to dig three tunnels. The main one will be here at the town wall. I say we could be under the castle and able to detonate a huge explosion in three weeks. - Two weeks. - What do you think of Senor Treviso? Builder of tunnels. - Do you think he's mad? - He's not the only one. - I regret to inform you of the deaths of ten of your Majesty's soldiers. The men all died of the bloody flux. I'm afraid that there is now an outbreak of the disease throughout your army. God alone knows how many it will take away. - Fire! Reload. - Stand ready! - Good God, man! Did you not find anything to eat? - There's nothing to find, my Lord. The whole countryside for miles and miles is stripped of every sheep, cow, pig, hare... of anything edible. We had French peasants come up to us, crying piteously in God's name for a piece of bread to keep alive their little ones who are dying for want of food. - It's not their little ones I worry about. It's my own soldiers. It's a pity the French will not come out and break lances with us, as they used to do. Then I could truly fancy I was Lancelot Du Lac. Instead of sitting here in our own shit and starving to death! Except for the bastards who try and run away! - Forward! Reload! - Ah! Oh! - Run! Run! - Stop! Stop! Wait! Don't move. Dai! Tornianno a lavorare. We do not have time to be afraid, my friends. Go, back to work. - Ah! Do you know where we are? - The castle's still 300 feet away. - Christ! - How many men have died of the flux? - So far? Two thousand. And a further three thousand are sick with it and not fit to fight. The sick are using up our limited resources. In my opinion, your Majesty, they should be separated from the well and transported back to England. - That would mean that I would have to that several ships from my blockade! What is the cause of this bloody flux that so unmans us? - Your Majesty, there is much disagreement as to causes. Some say it is the result of lack of supplies. Others, by contrast, say it comes of greed, the men having gorged themselves on unripe fruit and shellfish when they first arrived. What is certain is that there is no way known to man to stop its spreading infection. If the siege should continue for much longer, I'm afraid a great portion of your Majesty's army will soon be dug into the fields of Boulogne. - I will hear not hear anymore about it! You are as much my enemy as the French, since you seek to demoralize, to lie about our weaknesses, and to spin tales of sickness. These men are not sick from the flux but from cowardice! And I will not send cowards home! They will either fight or I will hang them by the wayside. You! Get them from their sickbeds back into that trench, or I will make you a head shorter. - Yes, your Majesty. - And in the future-tell me the truth! - -Perhaps the initials of these names... - Majesty, Bishop Gardiner asks for an audience. - Send him in. - Majesty. Come, ladies. - Your Grace. - Your Majesty. I have come to hear if there is any fresh news of the King and his affairs? - The King is very well and in the best of spirits. I am told he has never seemed happier. - We all pray for the King's life and his success. There is one matter I should discuss with your Majesty, since you act as Regent in his absence. - Go on. - Having discovered a nest of heretics among the King's musicians- and destroyed it... We now discover that there are heretics even in the King's privy chambers. - Of whom do you speak, my Lord? - The King's barber and the royal cook. We have enough evidence to draw up this draft indictment. All that we require is your signature. - My Lord, I praise you for your diligence in these matters. But I do not think it proper to arrest men so close to the King's person-without first asking him. Oh, and there is one other matter. We have heard rumors of an outbreak of plague near Windsor. So I have decided to invite the Prince Edward to come here to court and stay with me. - As you wish, Madam. You! Move yourself! Sergeant, over here! Right, men! All you boys, let's have you now. Move it, move it! Raise the light, boys! All you, come! - Pà �re! Papa! - Chà �re! Mon chérie. - Comment vas tu? - Je vais bien. Trà �s bien. - Mademoiselle, in return for your cooperation, I have decided to allow your father to escape. - My cooperation? - You must promise not to try and escape yourself. Bring those provisions over here, now! - IL veux me garde à votre place - Vous Ãates beaucoup- My father agrees. Thank you. - He must go now. - I'll miss you. Relee him outside the camp. Together now! Come on, up on your feet! - What about water? - Fire! - So, how are things, Harry? - Good. - Here. - Reload! - Here's some food. - That's your food. - You need it more than I do. I just sit outside and watch the seagulls. Go on, take it! Eat it, Harry. - And the horses! The horse is magnificent. - I bid you most welcome, my Lord Hertford. I take it your visit here confirms your confidence in the Queen's Regency! - Majesty. - Majesty, I have heard nothing but praise in all quarters for the dedication and skill of Queen Catherine in matters of state. She has great clarity of mind, and a woman's touch which soothes and cures where a man would usually rush into anger and complaint. - And the boy? - Prince Edward is well and healthy. - A toast to his health! - To the Prince. - To Prince Edward. - To the Prince. Bring it round! - What is it? - I have to tell your Majesty that I have received word that the Emperor has seized both the fortresses he was besieging, and has taken fifteen hundred enemy prisoners. - What did I tell you, Senor Treviso? I never trusted your methods. Everything has taken too long. - Majesty... - And you don't know how to handle the soldiers! None of you do! I swear to God I could have told you. Siege warfare makes men idle and bored. They get soft. Isn't that right, your Grace? The men get soft. - It's true, the camp is swarming with prostitutes. But even so, considering the conditions... - I want to make sure of the troops' good behaviour in case of an assault. We shall explode one of the charges under the castle walls prematurely-without warning. That way, we can observe the temper and the disposition of the troops in a sudden crisis. - Majesty, please. Listen to me, I beg you! We are only days away from mining under the castle... For the love of God, please. So many, many lives lost-and for what? Majesty, give me two days. - This is your food. Isn't it? - What about the people in the town? What are they eating? - Their cats. If they have cats. Cannons coming. We need some help over here! - Why did you let my father go? - I questioned him. He couldn't tell me anything useful about the town's defenses. - And I can? Why are you keeping me here? Are those muskets prepared? - Lady Mary. - Your Majesty. I wanted to show you my translation of Erasmus's "Gospel of St. John." It is only started. But it is dedicated to you... Since I know how much our faith matters to you. - Thank you, Lady Mary. I am deeply touched. Come! This is so nice for me. To be with all three of you together... Which I think is as it should be! - Edward! I'll catch you! - Prince Edward! Prince Edward! A little decorum, please! - Edward! - Come here, your Grace. Now, tell me, you love the Lady Bryan, don't you? - Yes. - I think she loves you too But I think that it is time you were breeched from the Lady Bryan and her nurses and I think that you are old enough to be placed with your tutors, don't you think? - I suppose so. - Well, don't worry. There'll be other boys too. There'll be the Duke of Suffolk's son Henry. And it won't be all learning languages and scriptures. You'll also learn tennis and fencing, music and dance. Well, that will be fun, won't it? Good night, Prince. Lady Bryan, thank you. - Good night, your Majesty. - Good night. - Your Majesty. - Good night, your Majesty. - Good night, Lady Mary. Come here, young lady. Let me hug you. I expect great things of you, and I shall not be disappointed. - I hope not. - Now off to bed, sweet girl. Mistress Ashley-a moment. Anne. I believe that I can trust you. I think that your family are reformers. - Yes, Madam. - Lady Elizabeth's mother, Anne Boleyn, was also a Lutheran and a reformer. I suppose it is my duty, therefore, to bring the daughter up in the mother's faith. Would you have any objection to that, Mistress Ashley? - None, your Majesty. I should be proud to help the Princess thus honor the memory of her mother, whose life-and whose faith... Too many so easily disparage. - Good. Then I will appoint as her tutor Roger Ascham. He is also one of us. Mistress Ashley, this conversation never happened. Good night. - Good night, your Majesty. Good night. - What? - I broke my promise. I escaped. But I came back. You've got blood on your head. Take shots. Come on! Forward! Forward! For your lives! Take the front! - Thank you. All of you. It has been an honor and a privilege to have worked alongside men such as you. Gratia. God be with you. Gratia. - God bless you, sir. - Gratia Mille. Go. Clear the way! Clear the way! Move for the cannon! - Come on Girolamo, come on. - Go! Run! Run! - He lied to me! He's a charlatan! - Girolamo's mad again! - Go, go! Run! - No! Girolamo! - Save yourself! - Get in here, get in here, get in here! - They're injured in the mine! - We found somebody! Quickly, get him out! - Go on! Go on, sir! England! - The wall is down! Victory! - Is there anyone else? Are there any others? Is there anyone else alive in there? - No. - For the King! - England! - Section Commanders, form up! Form up your men! Prepare to take the city! Forward! - Prepare to take the city! Prepare to take the city! - Yes. - Children! Lady Mary! There is great news from France! The ng has taken Boulogne. He is safe and triumphant. Your father is a hero! He has captured Boulogne! - Kat-obviously thrilled. - I'm certain he'll be home very soon. How wonderful. - Most victorious Prince, as Governor of Boulogne, I have no choice but to surrender the keys of the town. - Monsieur. - I trust your Majesty will allow the inhabitants of the town and its unarmed garrison to leave unmolested and in safety. - I do so swear, on my honor. Although you and your company, despite God's will and contrary to all justice, withheld from me a town which, being a noble part of my inheritance, belonged to me. - Well, I congratulate your Majesty. You have captured one of the most beautiful towns in France. - In their great necessity, many of them ate horseflesh. - Did you see them go out? Even the priests were thin! - So, my Lord Hertford... Was it well done or not? Was it not God's will that we should reclaim part of our just rights and inheritance? - Majesty, the capture of Boulogne will live forever in the hearts of all Englishmen. And the eighth Henry as well as the fifth, in the glorious annals of our realm. - I call Boulogne "our daughter." And I am the "King's Highness of Boulogne!" - I look forward- - Hertford. - Majesty. - I have a lot of unfinished business there. - A toast! To all. - To all! - And to victory. - And to victory! - Your Majesty. - Your Grace. Your Grace, I have much to thank you for. You have distinguished yourself above all in this campaign. - I am grateful to your Majesty. And now, I assume, we are march on Paris? - Why would you assume that? - Forgive me, your Majesty. I don't understand. I thought that was the purpose of the pact with the Emperor. - Do you suppose we should march on Paris with half an army, with thousands of sick soldiers, and in winter? No, your Grace, right now, Boulogne is now far more important to me than Paris... Than ten Parises! No, we shall back to England. We have gained here a singular victory... And I mean to hold onto it. I shall leave Surrey in command of the town. - Surrey? - Yes. Is that a problem, your Grace? - No, your Majesty. - Your Grace. - I'm sorry. Is that what you want? Move all that wood over there! - Am I free to go? - Yes. You're free to go. - You didn't ask for a ransom? - No. - Up on your feet. - Then do you think I'm not worth anything? - You are worth everything. Need some more powder? - Come back with me. - Where? - To England. - As your- - Yes sir, straight away, sir. - -mistress? Your French whore? - No. - Then what? - Je t'aime Je t'aime. C'est tout. - My Lady. - Your Majesty, it makes me so glad to see you so well and happy. And returned safe, thank God. - And victorious, thank God! - And victorious. - Kate. Bishop. - Gentlemen, for all this celebration, I am very worried about our state of affairs. The King's enterprise has bankrupted our exchequer. Is that not correct, Sir Richard? - We are at our wit's end to know how to get revenues to pay for the Boulogne campaign, or even shift for the next two or three months. - We are at war with France and with Scotland; we "ve the enmity of the bishop of Rome. We no longer have assurances of friendship with the Emperor. This war has proved noisome to the realm and disastrous for our merchants. Oh gentlemen, God help us, we live in a world where reason and learning no longer prevail and covenants are little regarded. - And where it seems even our Queen is a heretic. - It's true. And it will be God's work to destroy her. - Your Excellency. - Excellency. - Your Excellency. - Your Grace. - Your Majesties, you should know that, due to my infirmity, I have applied for a recall to Spain and am even now am awaiting the Emperor's permission. Madam, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you, on behalf of his Majesty the Emperor, for all that you have done for the Lady Mary and for fostering the friendship between England and Spain. - Excellency, what I have done for the Lady Mary is much less than I would like to do, as well as being my duty in every respect. And as for the friendship between our two countries, I have done and will do nothing to prevent it from growing still further, as the friendship is so necessary and both sovereigns... so good. - As are you, my Lady. - Excellency! - Majesty. - I hear your Master has signed a separate treaty with the French. Is it true? I asked you if it was true! Is it so hard a question, Eustace? - Yes, it's true, your Majesty. - And why should he do that? We were supposed to be allies. - I believe his Majesty had no choice. He had spent too long besieging the town of Luxembourg; His army was riddled with disease. - He still should not have done it! Behind my back! I trusted him... And he betrayed me. - Your Majesty, I am sure... - No, you defended and excused him your whole life! He is not to be trusted... And you should be relieved that you no longer have to lie on his behalf. You have my permission to leave my court. I wish you a long and happy retirement, your Excellency. - Your Majesty. - Excellency. - Your Excellency. - Farewell, your Excellency. - God speed, your Excellency. - She is taller than me, isn't she? - A little. - How would you describe her? - I would describe her as my wife. - When shall I meet her? - Do you want to meet her? - No. But your son... Henry? Yes, sometime. What are you thinking? - That I was dead, and am alive again. Let me look at you. - Say something. - Words aren't important. - You mustn't go. I forbid it. - My Lady, I have to. You can see how it is with me. - And what about me? - Madam, I don't think I could have ever left you than Queen Catherine's. I believe she loves you. - She may love me. I don't know. What I do know is that she is not of our faith. She pretends-but she is not a Catholic. She is a heretic-and still you leave me in her care! - Madam... - No... No, it is not your fault. It is my fault. If I had been a boy and not a girl, none of this would have ever happened. And England would still be faithful. - Princess! I beg you. - I am a lot older than I was when I first knew you. And wiser. I do not know if I shall ever be married, or if I will ever be Queen. Probably neither. But if I do become Queen, I swear to you now on the Holy Gospels and on the soul of my mother, that I will make England faithful again. I will do whatever it takes, I will burn however many heretics I have to, I will spill as much blood as I have to, to make this unfortunate realm Catholic again, and heal it, so help me God. - May I? Take this ring, in memory of me. It was a gift from the Emperor... Who received it from your mother. - Your Majesty, we have received news that, as well as concluding his separate peace treaty with the French at Crecy, the Emperor has given permission for a marriage between his daughter and the Duke of Orleans. - All right. - There is further news. We understand that the Dauphin, and an army of over 36,000 men are preparing to march on Boulogne. - I want my victory to be celebrated in every house in England. It was, after all, a very glorious affair. I want you to arrange for every bell to be rung and a mass of Thanksgiving to be said in every church. I want the name "Boulogne" imprinted on every English heart... Just like "Agincourt"! - Yes, your Majesty. [foot steps] ¶ O Canada! ¶ ¶ Our home and native land! ¶ ¶ True patriot love ¶ ¶ in all thy sons' command ¶ ¶ With glowing hearts we see they rise ¶ ¶ The true North strong and free ¶ ¶ From far and wide ¶ ¶ O Canada, ¶ ¶ we stand on guard for thee ¶ ¶ God keep our land ¶ ¶ glorious and free! ¶ ¶ O Canada, ¶ ¶ we stand on guard for thee, ¶ ¶ O Canada, ¶ ¶ we stand on guard for thee ¶ Here I come, Gump. Just to let you know, I'll be going around to your left. Oh! And... Through your legs, Stan! And, oh my goodness! Was that a no-look, shoulder flip, behind the back, around the stick... He scores! That ain't so hot. You talking to me? Suppose I am. Well, just so you know, there's no smoking on the ice surface. It's a public place. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, put it out. Hey! What was that all about? There's no need for violence -- especially when playing sports. You're kidding? Well, I'm confused. 'Cause rumour has it, you're supposed to be pretty good. I wouldn't know anything about rumours. He's home-schooled. He lives kind of a sheltered life. Shut your mouth, marginal member of society. Whoa... Look, I got fifty bucks that says I can take you and the first one to ten wins. I don't gamble. And I ain't asking'. I could give you fifty bucks, Farley. Last night I hit the mother lode in empties and I am flush. ¶ My home rink, ¶ ¶ your puck ¶ ¶ You're foolish and I'm going to school you, chump. ¶ ¶ ¶ Yeah, good luck. ¶ ¶ ¶ How much more perfect can you get? ¶ ¶ ¶ Stick on the ice, puck in the net. ¶ ¶ ¶ One, two, three, four! ¶ ¶ In a row, how many more? ¶ ¶ Five, six, seven, eight! ¶ ¶ Is this your first time on skates? ¶ ¶ That makes nine, one more makes ten ¶ ¶ Fifty bucks! ¶ ¶ Who's getting drunk again! ¶ ¶ I've seen the greats on skates ¶ ¶ From the Great Slave Lake ¶ ¶ to the Great Lakes States ¶ ¶ Yeah, great story, has-been, pay up. ¶ ¶ I know just what it takes. ¶ ¶ If it weren't for a few mistakes, ¶ ¶ I could have been in the NHL ¶ ¶ Aw, like hell! ¶ ¶ Are we supposed to believe that baloney? ¶ ¶ You'd be lucky to drive a Zamboni! ¶ ¶ Seriously, I know what I'm talking about. ¶ ¶ I know there's a fifty, you better pay out! ¶ ¶ It was worth it and I rise above it. ¶ ¶ It was an honour to play you. ¶ ¶ Shove it! ¶ Looks like the Sherpa training's starting to pay off. Hey, Eve. Hey Farley. So how was practice today? We have a new player in the group. Marco is a virtuoso who just arrived from Milan. I've never heard anyone play so well. It makes me feel like taking my mother's advice and signing up for medical school when I hear someone that talented. Eve, you can't let your dream of making the symphony die just 'cause some hotshot from Italy comes into your backyard with some fancy moves. Listen to you with your sports metaphors. For a second there I almost thought you were a jock. As if. ¶ ¶ Eve and I have known each other since we were two ¶ ¶ Our parents met at a fundraiser for Desmond Tutu ¶ ¶ She moved in next door at the age of three. ¶ ¶ That we would be best friends was destiny. ¶ ¶ We're best friends through thick and thin. ¶ ¶ Both home-schooled weirdos ¶ ¶ that could never fit in. ¶ ¶ Best friends through thick and thin. ¶ ¶ When I was five I threw up on her colony of ants. ¶ ¶ Farley once made me laugh so hard ¶ ¶ that I peed my pants. ¶ ¶ She knows all my secrets. ¶ ¶ There's nothing to hide. ¶ ¶ He knows all my secrets ¶ ¶ except one that I hide. ¶ ¶ We're best friends through thick and thin. ¶ ¶ Both home-schooled weirdos ¶ ¶ that could never fit in. ¶ ¶ We're best friends through thick and thin. ¶ ¶ ¶ Easy with each other like second skin. ¶ ¶ We're best friends through thick and thin. ¶ ¶ ¶ Eve's my best friend in the whole world. ¶ ¶ It's never mattered that she's a girl. ¶ ¶ Farley's my best friend in the whole wide world. ¶ ¶ He's got the sensitivity of a girl. ¶ ¶ Best friends through thick and thin. ¶ ¶ Best friends through thick and thin. ¶ ¶ Best friends through thick and thin. ¶ ¶ Best friends through thick and thin. ¶ ¶ ¶ Eve's my best friend and it's chronic. ¶ ¶ ¶ Farley's my soul mate. ¶ ¶ He thinks it's platonic. ¶ ¶ We have some wonderful news, Farley. As part of your geography and social sciences curriculum, we're trekking across Chechnya for six weeks. Lunch was great. Aren't you studying this afternoon? The ice is perfect right now. I think I'm going to go to the rink for another hour and then hit the books afterwards. Yet another advantage of being home-schooled. ¶ ¶ We've been through this before. ¶ ¶ You're free to walk out the door. ¶ ¶ But I think it needs to be said, ¶ ¶ too much hockey's not good for the head. ¶ ¶ Parents, your worries are in vain.¶ ¶ Playing shinny will not rot my brain. ¶ ¶ In fact, study after study has conclusively proven ¶ ¶ the benefits of exercise-induced movin'. ¶ ¶ ¶ Look at the temperature it's colder than Venus. ¶ ¶ You'll get frostbite on your -- ¶ Toe. ¶ I'm wearing my organic wool sweater ¶ ¶ so I'm good to go. ¶ ¶ ¶ Though physical activity is a worthwhile tonic. ¶ ¶ The clientele at the rink is rather moronic. ¶ ¶ Elitism about sports aside, ¶ ¶ even Einstein, over the ice ¶ ¶ he liked to glide. ¶ ¶ Oh, where's our Farley? ¶ ¶ The boy that we adore. Where's our Farley? ¶ ¶ Why's he always skipping out the door? ¶ ¶ Where's your Farley? He loves to skate and score. ¶ ¶ Where's your Farley? He'll be back for dinner. ¶ ¶ Come on. You're going to make your granddad late. I don't want to go to daycare! Well, you're going. Aw, get up, you little bastard. Come on. Granddad, go screw yourself! Uh... Walk away, Walter. Just walk away. ¶ Beethoven's Ode to Joy ¶ Hey, son! You talking to me, sir? Yeah. What's your name? Farley Gordon. It doesn't ring a bell. How old are you? Seventeen. Who owns your rights? Sir, there's a little kid attached to your leg. And I don't have any idea what you're talking about. Yeah, it's my grandson. There's hope we can domesticate him one day. So who do you play for? Nobody. Never have. What? Why not? My parents don't believe in team competitions. What are they, communists? Ah, not in the classic sense, though. They're kind of more like pacifist-anarchists, although I'm sure they'd deny even that categorization. You mean to tell me you've never played an organized game of hockey in your life? That's right. Just whatever games I can pick up here on the rink. Well, son, my name is Walt Acorn. I'm the owner of the Brampton Blades. I want the chance to sit down with you and your parents and talk over your future in hockey. I'm not sure I understand. If you could do half of what I saw you do today in an organized game, you could be the next Sidney Crosby. Cindy who? We don't speak athlete in this family. And we have no desire to sign Farley up for hockey. And what with his pottery classes and his volunteering at the museum and his much-anticipated hands-on anthropology course-- Throw in the all-things Chechnya extravaganza to that equation and-- It's obvious there's no time for organized team hockey in his schedule. Wow! This conversation just laid a giant turd in the shallow end of the stupid pool. So... I take it we're done here. Thankfully, yes. Unless, of course, you'd like to hear another of my folk songs. ¶ Hugs are free. ¶ ¶ So hug away. ¶ ¶ Hugs, hugs, hugs. ¶ ¶ Hugs are free. ¶ Well, that's a definite Kumba-Nah there, toots. Son, you know, I've been around hockey over sixty years. This is the first time I've ever had to tell someone they're making a huge mistake... You're making a huge mistake. Put on your big boy pants, carpe life by the balls. You have a gift. ¶ What's wrong, Farley? You've been on Planet Glum all morning. Okay. I want to give organized hockey a try. Team sports? Really? Maybe my id is out on a day pass but it's all I can think about. And let me guess. Your parents think the idea is more inherently evil than genetically-modified food and organized religion. Yeah. ¶ ¶ Farley Gordon, you should always follow your heart. ¶ ¶ But everyone knows that hockey's not art. ¶ ¶ I've never been to camp ¶ ¶ or even played on a team. ¶ ¶ I've never been away from my parents. ¶ ¶ And you're seventeen. ¶ ¶ I'm seventeen. ¶ ¶ He's seventeen. ¶ ¶ ¶ Eventually we all have to cut the umbilical cord. ¶ ¶ What if I don't fit in? What if I get bored? ¶ ¶ Embrace the Zen mindset for this part of your journey. ¶ ¶ Quit if you find group sports unworthy. ¶ ¶ ¶ So you think that I should join. ¶ ¶ Should I give it a shot? ¶ ¶ What have you got to lose? ¶ ¶ So why? So why not? ¶ ¶ So I'll join the team and I'll give it a shot. ¶ ¶ So you'll join the team. So you'll give it a shot. ¶ ¶ Yeah, I'm seventeen. ¶ ¶ I might like it a lot. ¶ ¶ Yeah, you're seventeen. ¶ ¶ You'll probably like it a lot. ¶ ¶ And by doing so we can ¶ ¶ advance the plot. ¶ ¶ Plot, plot, plot. ¶ Call this a mother's intuition, but this has Neanderthal and ne'er-do-well written all over it. I promise I won't do anything to not make you proud. Interesting. Double negative. Like hockey and violence. Please. I'm going to Brampton, not Bosnia, okay? I'll be back by dinner. Goodbye, Farley. Goodbye. Love you. Did you ever play hockey, Edgar? ¶ Figure skating was my world. Agh! And since then I've had a hatred for all things hockey. Come on, let's go now! To your left! Get on him! To your left! Lookin' good! Lookin' good! Hustle, hustle, hustle! Make those passes count! Let's go! Skate! Let's go now! This is a closed practice. Well, actually, I'm here to play on the team. What? Excuse me? Ah, was, I was asked to join the team. By who? "Whom." It's actually "whom." It's the object of the preposition. I don't care if it's the ass-end of a 12-point buck. Answer the question. Walt Acorn. You know that the last nugget that Walt Acorn unearthed for me played in only one single game. Why, what happened to him? Stopped a slap shot with his tonsils. Broke his jaw in four places. Do yourself a favour, son. It's not too late. Bust that sequined unitard out of the closet, sharpen up those toe picks and rejoin the figure skating squad. Trust me. They'll welcome you back with open arms. I'm here to play hockey. Oh yeah? We'll see about that, peacock. Don't say I didn't warn you. This should fit. Is that right? Not unless you're a dick face. Not like ladies, like men! Go after it, guys, go after it! Up against the boards. Something wrong with your balls, son? No, just the... equipment's a little uncomfortable. Don't worry, you won't be wearing it that long. You! Give us Bailey and Apps! Let's see you, peacock. ¶ That's cute, twinkle toes. Want to go again? Yeah. Ferguson, McNamee! Let's see you, kid. ¶ The Moose. ¶ Ugh! Boom. Boom. Boom. Out go the lights. Aristotle? That's a first. What happened? Well, you ran into a brick wall named The Moose. I bet they heard the hit in Mumbai. Hey! Hey, boss! We in the hardware business? Sure feels like I'm getting screwed. You can't be serious about letting that kid play. You saw what he did with the puck 'til he got flattened. That won't happen again. One game, regular shifts. If he's not as good as I think he is, do what you want. Come on, Walt. He's going to get killed out there. Last time I checked, I still own the team. Pfft... Farley Gordon. Ah, there you are. Great meeting you, sprout. Now, if you want any information on joining our booster club, you'll find it on our web site. Here. Here's a T-shirt. Thanks for coming out. So that's it, I'm off the team? Well, not technically. But I figured getting knocked out, that would be enough to convince you that these are very, very dangerous waters that you're lily-dipping in. Sir, do you ever have those epiphany moments where all of a sudden the world starts making a lot more sense? Occasionally, a good bowel movement will have that effect. Yeah. Well.. this might sound stupid, but... before Walt Acorn walked into my life there was a hole, a longing that I couldn't articulate or, rather, I didn't even know existed. But I honestly believe that organized hockey might just fill that hole. ¶ What do you weigh, kid? ¶ ¶ A buck fifty-five? ¶ ¶ I'm not that vain. I'm not into my size. ¶ ¶ There are other games that are more ¶ ¶ appropriate for you to play - ¶ ¶ Like checkers, like chess, and croquet. ¶ ¶ Well, I've always been taught ¶ ¶ to see things through. ¶ ¶ To my heart... always be true ¶ ¶ ¶ Hallmark, I'm sure, would be so proud ¶ ¶ to hear you voice those sentiments out loud. ¶ ¶ But a well-played fart would knock you down. ¶ ¶ If The Moose meant harm, ¶ ¶ you'd be in a hospital gown. ¶ ¶ This is the toughest league in the land. ¶ ¶ You'll never survive so become a fan. ¶ ¶ Just because I still have my front teeth, ¶ ¶ don't assume that I can't compete. ¶ ¶ Though I might not come with a hockey pedigree - ¶ ¶ Why can't I still dream of being ¶ ¶ the next Crosby? ¶ ¶ You never played the game. ¶ ¶ No one even knows your name. ¶ ¶ Hockey legends don't happen overnight. ¶ ¶ It takes a bunch of years ¶ ¶ and a bucketful of tears. ¶ ¶ And to put you in the game is suicide. ¶ I can't kick you off the team and I won't protect you. And when you're lying in a coma, don't say I didn't warn you. Technically, if I'm in a coma I wouldn't be able to speak. One game. Doesn't Mr. Acorn's opinion count for anything? I mean, obviously, he saw something in me that he thought worth giving a shot. He's legally blind without his glasses. Yeah. No way. My guess he wasn't wearing them when he discovered you. You didn't notice anything strange about his behaviour? How long have you owned a dog? ¶ Tomorrow's game starts at two. Don't be late, tough guy. I don't have to tell you guys what this game means. The Devils... dirty cheap-shot artists who wouldn't hesitate to rip out their mother's heart, sell it on eBay for a minimum bid if it meant two points. Which is... ..precisely why they're in first place! Where's your passion? A mouse! You mean this? The common mus musculus. Get it out of here. Game time! Let's go, guys. Come on. Let's go. Go! Go! Go! Go! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who pooed on your shirt? Yeah! ¶ Yes! Yes! Mess him up! Hit 'em high. Hit 'em low. Make him sing soprano! ¶ It's like Dante's Inferno down there. ¶ You missed the introductions. ¶ What could have caused all this? ¶ Hockey without fighting ¶ ¶ is like Kraft Dinner without cheese. ¶ ¶ It's still pasta... ¶ ¶ but the palate, it won't please. ¶ ¶ Violence in sport? ¶ ¶ Isn't this supposed to be fun? ¶ ¶ The boys are letting off steam. ¶ ¶ They're not hurting anyone. ¶ ¶ La-dee-da-dee Da-dee-dada ¶ ¶ Jab, jab! Hook, hook! Kidney punch! ¶ ¶ La-dee-da-dee Da-dee-dada ¶ ¶ Jab, jab! Hook, hook! Kidney punch! ¶ ¶ La-dee-da-dee Da-dee-dada ¶ ¶ Jab, jab! Hook, hook! Kidney punch! ¶ ¶ La-dee-da-dee Da-dee-dada ¶ ¶ Jab, jab! Jersey pull! Kidney punch! ¶ ¶ Haven't seen so much gore since the ¶ ¶ Off-Broadway production of Macbeth. ¶ ¶ At least Farley wasn't involved ¶ ¶ in all the fracas. ¶ ¶ This is all starting to feel ¶ ¶ less innocent, I confess. ¶ ¶ You've led a sheltered life, ¶ ¶ from what I can surmise. ¶ ¶ But on the ice, ¶ ¶ the rules of society don't apply. ¶ ¶ Cast your worries aside, ¶ ¶ is my advice. ¶ ¶ 'Cause this game is the start of ¶ ¶ the rest of your life. ¶ ¶ organ ¶ [announcer] It's Friday in Blades country. And today's tilt against the Duntroon Devils is set to be a doozy and not just because the Devils are Public Enemy #1 in these parts. But because in an unprecedented move in Ontario Major Hockey League history, a player is set to make his organized hockey debut. That's right, folks. Number 14, Farley Gordon has never played a minute of league play. Not Midget, not House League, not Tyke, not nothin'! All right, boys. Let's have a clean game. Eat my rectal cheese, Ref. You're a dead man walking. ¶ Oh my goodness, that kid has game! That just obliterated the record for fastest goal by a rookie by about two lifetimes! Gor-don! Gor-don! Gor-don! Gor-don! ¶ Slick, very slick. But got to I remind you-- Keep my head up. I know. Move it around, guys! Come on, move it around! Ever think of passing the puck? Sorry, Coach, I looked. There wasn't anybody around. Wow! A dandy of a debut from the novice from nowhere. Four goals, two assists -- except for the Hall of Fame, I have never seen hockey talent displayed so well. Farley Gordon, you are the future of the sport. What do you have to say? Clearly, much smoother on his skates than he is in front of the camera. Gor-don! Gor-don! Gor-don! Gor-don! Gor-don! Gor-don! Gor-don! Gor-don! Gor-don! Gor-don! Hey! Bailey, need to speak to you. What was that all about? Because you're on the team, Bailey's off. True, his on-ice skills might have been better served to driving a Zamboni, but he was like a son to Coach Donker. Especially after Bailey lost both his parents to a grizzly attack. Hockey was that damn orphan's life, his family. So that's why the coach hates me. So what will Bailey do now? He'll probably start pouring beer on his breakfast cereals. Knock up his uglier than day-old poutine girlfriend. One marriage, two children, three affairs. Significant hair loss, back acne, weight gain. And then twenty years later he will be unceremoniously laid off from his miserable job. The stress of this will lead to a fatal heart attack within a week. But at least death will free him from the bitterness he's felt every damn minute since that Brampton Blades jersey was ripped from his heart. But that's just a guess. Welcome aboard. ¶ ¶ No doubt hockey players ¶ ¶ descended from baboons. ¶ ¶ Going by the behaviour of those goons. ¶ ¶ ¶ Okay, I'll admit that the violence ¶ ¶ was slightly excessive. ¶ ¶ The Roar of the crowd was awfully impressive. ¶ ¶ ¶ I've never seen you look so alive before. ¶ ¶ Rush of the game made my spirits soar. ¶ ¶ My brain was working in rapturous elation ¶ ¶ trying to figure out hockey, ¶ ¶ the equation. ¶ ¶ Hockey, the equation? ¶ ¶ Hockey, ¶ Hockey, the equation. ¶ the equation. ¶ ¶ Hockey, the equation. ¶ ¶ The math doesn't make much sense. ¶ ¶ I'm shocked... ¶ ¶ to hear such utter nonsense. ¶ ¶ Dad, please I'm just trying to have fun. ¶ ¶ I'm not joining the army ¶ ¶ and I'm not hurting anyone. ¶ ¶ And to finish the broadcast tonight... I want to bring you the story of a 17-year-old who might just be the best amateur hockey player in the country today. The almost unbelievable thing is Farley Gordon has been playing organized hockey for exactly one game. Insiders are already suggesting that his name might one day be mentioned in the same exalted company as Howe, Orr, Gretzky or Richard. I want you to find out everything you can about this Farley Gordon. And I want someone to explain to me why this kid wasn't on our radar before. We pride ourselves on knowing more than God about hockey talent in Canada. Get on it. ¶ Yeah. Mornin'. Hi, Farley. How was your third game? Incredible. Even better than the first two. I loved every minute of it. Except for the two bench brawls. That's fantastic. Hey, how's the practicing going? Things going any better with Carlo... Mario? Marco? Yeah. A bit. ¶ Your playing is... magnifico. It's like a voluptuous Chianti from Arezzo. It's so un-Canadian. Well, at least you're making progress. I'm glad you woke me up. I might have slept through practice. But Wednesdays we volunteer at the soup kitchen. You're not coming? Right. I forgot. I'm sure Coach won't mind if I miss a practice. Does anyone know where our precious Farley Gordon might be? Kid scores nine goals in his first three games. Maybe he doesn't need to practice. You got a show pony on your hands, Coach. Clearly he trots to the beat of a different drummer. ¶ Listen, you dinosaur. ¶ ¶ There's no 'I' in team. ¶ ¶ ¶ What's the real issue, Coach? ¶ ¶ What's making you scream? ¶ ¶ ¶ I don't care if he can write his name ¶ ¶ backwards in the snow with pee. ¶ ¶ He misses practice, ¶ ¶ and I question his sanity. ¶ ¶ ¶ From what I saw, the upside on Farley's stratospheric ¶ ¶ I've been getting media requests ¶ ¶ all the way from Inuvik. ¶ ¶ However, if you have a problem ¶ ¶ with Gordon, I won't disagree. ¶ ¶ You won't? ¶ ¶ I'll find a new coach who can work with the prodigy. ¶ ¶ ¶ La-da-da-da-da-da-da ¶ ¶ Da-da-da-da-da-da-da ¶ ¶ ¶ Well, my heart goes out to the other team. They clearly wanted to win just as badly as we did. And then it just seems kind of unfair that somebody has to lose. Am I hearing what I'm hearing? You know, I wonder sometimes, should we just throw out the scoreboard and just play for the fun of it? Wow. And then when this Greyhound player came at me, I did this thing called the deke. I faked to my left, did a twirl, went top corner. Goalie never even saw it coming. I have to say, six games into this little sports experiment, I'm really enjoying the experience. Wow. Hey, that's incredible. And your team mates? Fitting in all right? ¶ That is awesome! That is awesome! Yeah! ¶ Farley, we're teenagers, we live for whim, we gorge on irrationality. And we're definitely not immune to losing ourselves in passion. Not you and certainly not me. No one. What are you talking about? ¶ Falling so hard for something that nothing else matters. Eve there's absolutely nothing to worry about. I'll race you up the steps. sighs ¶ sitar music ¶ ¶ Ohm... ¶ ¶ sitar music ¶ How do you do that? What? Control the puck with your eyes closed? Oh, it's just a little bit of metaphysics I picked up when my family was staying in an ashram in India. Is it possible to teach me how to do that? Sure. Yeah. Um, On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your Ohm meditation technique? My what? ¶ Ohm... ¶ ¶ ¶ Ohm... ¶ ¶ ¶ Could this really be happening to me? ¶ ¶ I'm becoming part of a larger entity ¶ ¶ though I never had any interest in male bonding. ¶ ¶ To my team mates' warmth, ¶ ¶ I'm definitely responding. ¶ ¶ ¶ We've never met anyone like him before, ¶ ¶ but he's starting to grow on us and he can score. ¶ ¶ ¶ Impossible question, but I'll ask anyway. ¶ ¶ What car would you pick if you didn't have to pay? ¶ ¶ Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! ¶ ¶ One that is environmentally friendly ¶ ¶ Has the best conditions for its employees. ¶ What? ¶ I did everything I could to learn ¶ ¶ adolescent customs and the Blades love earn. ¶ ¶ laughter, cheering How big was it? ¶ The embrace of the team started to become ¶ ¶ a second family except way more fun. ¶ ¶ It's amazing the tricks one can do ¶ ¶ with a loaded gun. ¶ ¶ ¶ Never met anyone quite like him before. ¶ ¶ Now he's part of the team and ¶ ¶ he's part of the core. ¶ ¶ ¶ Is this really what's transpiring ¶ ¶ on these bus trips? ¶ ¶ Whatever happened to reading Aristotle's Poetics? ¶ ¶ ¶ I guess I'm expanding ¶ ¶ my party tricks. ¶ ¶ ¶ Farley Gordon, you're a star in every way. ¶ ¶ We're starting to like you more and more each day. ¶ ¶ ¶ Gosh, I think that turned out well. ¶ ¶ ¶ Are you okay? ¶ ¶ Those needles can hurt like hell. ¶ ¶ ¶ Sometimes when I'm happy, I start to cry. ¶ ¶ Does this now mean I'm finally one of the guys? ¶ ¶ We all agree that you're definitely not lame. ¶ ¶ ¶ Whoa! ¶ ¶ Let's save the untoward affection for the game. ¶ ¶ We'll race you to the other end. ¶ ¶ ¶ 'Cause, wow, it feels great ¶ ¶ to have boyfriends! ¶ After you're drafted number one, that's when our real work begins. Now, here's a little branding 101-- Men's Beauty, or Men-eauty, are the gateway products we use to establish your pitchman cred to corporate Canada. In the Men-eauty world, "crazors" -- creams and razors -- are the benchmark. One tastefully-shot commercial with your shirt off, your face lathered, a hottie giving you that come-hither look, you blue-steeling her in return, they will be begging you to pimp their product. But I don't even shave. You don't even shave. I'm going to give you a piece of advice. You're about to enter a world where money overflows like the Red River in spring. In this universe, RE-AL-I-TY is just a four syllable word that need never be mentioned again. Swag! What's this? It's the gravy train of life. Ladle up. ¶ I cannot believe there's an entire magazine completely devoted to hockey. Olaf, at work, gave it to me. Here, read about your son. You think there's a chance that we were wrong about sports? ¶ Oh, soon the day will come-- ¶ Hi, guys. ¶ ¶ Soon I will seduce them all. ¶ ¶ Soar, Eve. Set your inhibitions loose. I'm afraid I'm going to fall. Mo, you are with Marco, concerto master. Feel the music in your heart, in your soul. Let my impeto be your inspiration. Oh! Oh. Hey, Eve. Hi, Farley. Um, Marco, do you mind letting me go? ertimento, my dear. Marco, this is Farley. Farley, Marco. Oh, yes, the ragazzo. The Italian. ¶ What? Whoa. What's wrong with you? Nothing. Please. You and Marco looked really great together. You're never going to get me to admit I have a thing for Marco. He's not my type. ¶ Welcome back to Hardcore Hockey Talk, everyone. I'm Steve Kouleas. More hockey still to come, but there he is. Farley Gordon joins me on the program. So much to talk about. Let's get right to it. How does it feel to go from no one to number one in a matter of weeks? I don't pay any attention to that. I'm just trying to be a good team mate and contribute in any way I can. The kid speaks athlete like he's all world! The hype, and it is exactly that, is way overblown. I mean, I would be thrilled to make a pro team, let alone to star on one. I mean, the only thing that I can control is Farley Gordon. Some critics, and they definitely are in the minority, suggest that you, my friend, might be a little soft. What's your response? I don't have one. I just let my game do all the talking. Last question, for fun, boxers or briefs? Well, no comment. But I will say this, by tomorrow, the whole country will know. Can you believe it? It's pretty tasteful. ¶ Look! ¶ Farley Gordon! Hey, easy now. Everybody will get their turn. Man, I love surfing in your wake. ¶ I got to tell you, folks, Farley Gordon is certainly exposing Jean Luc Pierre Henri as the sieve that he is. Another three-goal performance by the rookie sensation. And, you know, with each game the next one is further cementing his reputation as the player most likely to go tops in the draft. ¶ Yeah! Let's go! Let's go! Help a brother out now. Everybody takes a man! Mess them up! ¶ ¶ drumming ¶ Nice fight there, peacock. Do I have the floor? What? If I have the floor, I'd like to defend my pacifism. It's a decision I came to after a lot of-- Ha ha! There's one rule. One rule only. When someone is trying to take your head off, you don't roll over on the ice, cover your ears and cry like a baby. You... hit back! You... defend your honour! Our honour! At least we were respected before you arrived. ¶ Forgive me for asking, ¶ ¶ for not seeing the light. ¶ ¶ But what's so shameful about ¶ ¶ not wanting to fight? ¶ ¶ It's part of the game. ¶ ¶ It's part of the code. ¶ ¶ When someone challenges your manhood, ¶ ¶ you go toe-to-toe. ¶ ¶ ¶ But what does that have to do with hockey? ¶ ¶ I still don't understand. ¶ ¶ How do fisticuffs equate to... ¶ ¶ being a man? ¶ ¶ ¶ On the ice I've always had your back. ¶ ¶ If they mess with you, they get a whack. ¶ ¶ If that don't help them comprende ¶ ¶ the knuckle sandwich comes into play. ¶ ¶ You see, I drop the gloves when it's required. ¶ ¶ That's the reason I was hired. ¶ ¶ I don't make fancy passes. ¶ ¶ I right wrongs by kicking asses. ¶ ¶ Without me, most would agree, ¶ ¶ The game would devolve into anarchy. ¶ ¶ Devolve? ¶ ¶ What does that mean? ¶ ¶ A brawler on ice, I won't lie. ¶ ¶ But away from the rink I'm a sensitive guy. ¶ ¶ I'm not afraid to show a feminine side. ¶ ¶ In fact, during "The Notebook" I cried -- ¶ ¶ Twice! It's pathetic. ¶ ¶ All of these duties I'm happy to perform, ¶ ¶ But I can't watch out for someone who won't conform -- ¶ ¶ To the code! ¶ ¶ To the code! ¶ ¶ So stop bending over. Fight like a man. ¶ ¶ Just take one swing and we'll be a band -- ¶ ¶ Of brothers! Of brothers! ¶ ¶ Telling war stories 'til ¶ ¶ we're a hundred and three. ¶ ¶ Boys, if I wanted to fight, I'd join the MMA. ¶ ¶ But hockey's the game I love to play. ¶ ¶ Is he even Canadian, eh? ¶ ¶ Why does an anti-violence stand ¶ ¶ make me less of a man? ¶ ¶ In fact, last time the doctor checked ¶ ¶ my testosterone was up to spec. ¶ ¶ ¶ Because we eat, ¶ ¶ we play, ¶ ¶ we shower together. ¶ ¶ We go in the corners. ¶ ¶ We'll be friends forever. ¶ ¶ And forever. ¶ ¶ ¶ By refusing to fight, ¶ ¶ we can no longer guarantee ¶ ¶ that around the ice ¶ ¶ you can skate with impunity. ¶ ¶ No one's expecting you to ¶ ¶ punch out someone's lights. ¶ ¶ Just take a few swings ¶ and it'll be all right. ¶ ¶ But until you do, ¶ ¶ there's a line in the sand. ¶ ¶ You might be on the team, ¶ ¶ but you aren't a part of this band... ¶ ¶ Of brothers! Oh, brothers! ¶ United we'll be 'til eternity ¶ ¶ Brothers! Oh, brothers! ¶ ¶ Telling war stories 'til ¶ ¶ we're a hundred and three. ¶ ¶ Look, I don't like the fighting any more than you do but that's not why I play the game. Farley, that's like saying the KKK are a swell bunch of guys except for their views on African-Americans. I think you're overreacting. Besides, aren't you proud of how Farley stood up for himself? our father and I have discussed the matter and we feel it's in everybody's best interests if you quit the team. Did you ever think that I might like to be an active participant in your little tête-à-tête? Sarcasm, it's so teenager-ly. Farley, it's cheap. Yeah. Well, so is talk. ¶ ¶ Is it me or my parents who is right? ¶ ¶ One of us is clearly not seeing the light. ¶ ¶ I thought I had it all, all figured out. ¶ ¶ Now everything seems so in doubt. ¶ ¶ ¶ Farley Gordon, ¶ ¶ you should always follow your heart. ¶ ¶ ¶ Yeah, I once took that advice, ¶ ¶ now everything's falling apart. ¶ ¶ Play that tape again. I don't care if you're one of the greatest players to ever lace up a pair of skates -- defend your honour. Farley Gordon has come out and said that he's a pacifist? Ha! I think that there's another 'P' word that is more appropriate. We'll be back. See, in Canada, we tend to like our hockey players served with a good helping of macho. And ever since your non-fight, your testosterone- to-estrogen ratio, it's been put into question. Trust me. The offers are going to start coming in once you kick the ass in masculine. ¶ Oh! ¶ If they won't respect your ideals, how can you call them team mates? Maybe you should reconsider your friendship. Honestly, they're just a little misguided about fighting. I think eventually they'll come around. Eve, there's something I've wanted to talk to you about for awhile now. Of course, Farley. I don't know where to start. Please don't take this the wrong way, okay? Oh, God, this is embarrassing but I'm going to say it anyway. Being a Blade has made me realize just how isolated I've been. Like, maybe my parents are just not as cool as I once thought they were. Farley, they were vegans, environmentalists and Yo-Yo Ma fans before it was fashionable. And now you're defending my parents? Whose side are you on anyway? They reject anything that even has a whiff of mainstream before they give it a chance. I am sick of being different. What is wrong with fitting in? Anyone can fit in. Different, now that takes imagination. Does it? Or is it a crutch? Bless you. Are you wearing cologne? Yeah. And this stuff isn't even on the market yet. My agent wants to make sure that if I do go Number One there's a scent that I can stand by. Farley, I have a severe fragrance allergy. I thought you knew that. Guess I forgot. You know what else you forgot? My birthday. It was yesterday. Oh, Eve, I'm-- I shouldn't have even mentioned it, Farley. Honestly, I could care less. Birthdays are overrated anyway. People change, priorities shift. We move on. Happy Birthday. May all your wishes come true. Marco." ¶ Come on, Mama's boy. Ow! Hey! Leave me alone, ass-face! What are you going to do about it, huh? Come on. Come on, kid. What? It's a quotation from Ghandi. You should look it up. Damn it! ¶ ¶ Farley, we love you. ¶ ¶ But this has gone on way too long. ¶ ¶ Stop being stubborn ¶ ¶ and just admit that you were wrong. ¶ ¶ Joining the team was a huge mistake. ¶ ¶ Huge mistake. ¶ ¶ It's made you miserable ¶ ¶ and caused you to forsake... ¶ ¶ Your ideals and your passion. ¶ ¶ Your inner joy, inner joy. ¶ ¶ This behaviour is making you ¶ ¶ an ordinary boy. ¶ ¶ Ordinary boy. ¶ ¶ An ordinary boy. ¶ ¶ Ordinary boy. ¶ ¶ ¶ Yeah, just whose ideals were they anyway? ¶ ¶ What do you mean? ¶ ¶ I was never asked, I never had a say. ¶ ¶ Is this a dream? ¶ ¶ It's in your best interests ¶ ¶ to exercise our parental rights. ¶ ¶ And order you to quit hockey ¶ ¶ to restore... ¶ ¶ your inner light. ¶ Stop! Stop! ¶ Stop! I won't hear another single word ¶ ¶ about hockey being boorish and absurd. ¶ ¶ Ordinary boy. ¶ ¶ News flash I don't want to be like you ¶ ¶ Ordinary boy. ¶ ¶ when I grow up ¶ ¶ Elitism and arrogance just isn't my cup of destiny. ¶ ¶ Ordinary boy. ¶ ¶ And now this conversation is officially off-limits . ¶ ¶ Ordinary boy. ¶ ¶ I've had enough of this nonsense Damn it! ¶ ¶ Let Marco be honest. Your G-string playing -- pure religion. Marco has written, how you say, a regalo? Oh, a gift to you from the passion. No... the heart. To you. ¶ piano ¶ ¶ You ask me if I love you ¶ ¶ and I choke on my reply. ¶ ¶ I'd rather hurt you honestly ¶ ¶ than mislead you with a lie. ¶ ¶ You didn't write that. Assurdo! Of course Marco did. No, you didn't. It's a Dan Hill song. My parents danced to it at their wedding. They're divorced. No. No, no, no, it is not. ¶ And sometimes when we touch ¶ ¶ the honesty's too much. ¶ ¶ And I have to close my eyes ¶ ¶ and hide. ¶ ¶ I want to hold you 'til I die. ¶ ¶ 'Til we both break down and cry. ¶ ¶ I want to hold you ¶ ¶ 'Til fear in me subsides. ¶ ¶ Marco! Any reason you just French-kissed me without getting your passport stamped first? Oh, Eve. You think Marco does not know what is going on? Every time you caress your cello, please, you mentally caress Marco. ¶ Marco, the real estate of my heart has already been sold. Him? The ragazzo? He's more him than you'll ever be. ¶ ¶ What is happening to me? ¶ ¶ Was it only weeks ago that I was carefree? ¶ ¶ Life was simple. Life was easy. ¶ ¶ Seeing Eve with Marco made me queasy. ¶ ¶ I Never imagined that I would have feelings for her. ¶ ¶ ¶ That weren't all chaste. ¶ ¶ That weren't exactly all pure. ¶ ¶ ¶ Eve's my soul mate. ¶ ¶ Isn't it ironic? ¶ ¶ Eve's my soul mate. ¶ ¶ I wish that it wasn't platonic. ¶ ¶ ¶ You were always the boy in the bubble. ¶ ¶ Reality gave, gave you trouble. ¶ ¶ So you've got some feelings for your best friend. ¶ ¶ Let her know, the world won't end. ¶ ¶ Please, Eve's like a sister to me. ¶ ¶ These feelings are creeping, ¶ ¶ creeping into impropriety. ¶ ¶ Last time I checked, you're not related. ¶ ¶ Don't deny it. Don't debate it. ¶ ¶ Maybe the girl wants to get freaky with you. ¶ ¶ Who knows? She wants to squeeze your bones. ¶ ¶ She wants to rub your nose. ¶ ¶ Boys, thanks for the female insights, ¶ ¶ but, trust me, ¶ ¶ Eve doesn't want to turn out the lights. ¶ ¶ You've got to man up with your woman ¶ ¶ and hockey fights. ¶ ¶ I swear that you'll start sleeping better at night. ¶ ¶ Speaking of sleep, ¶ ¶ I've got to go to bed. ¶ ¶ ¶ Honestly, Farley, ¶ ¶ try and get your ass out of your head. ¶ Hey, Farley. Are you coming to my recital tomorrow? I can't. I've got stuff to do. But you've never missed one yet. You're my good luck charm. Well, I'm sure you'll be fine, especially with Marco there by your side. What's that supposed to mean? Nothing. Come on, Farley. I know you better than that. Honestly, nothing. You two make a great couple. ¶ Sarcasm really doesn't suit you that well. ¶ ¶ What's with the attitude? ¶ ¶ Hey, what the hell? ¶ ¶ You say you don't have any feelings ¶ ¶ for that Italian fellow. ¶ ¶ So why did I catch you playing tonsil hockey ¶ ¶ instead of the cello? ¶ ¶ Farley, you're making an awful mistake ¶ ¶ To him, I did not my heart and saliva forsake. ¶ ¶ Eve, I was there. ¶ ¶ I saw what I saw. ¶ ¶ The passion was real. ¶ ¶ The passion was raw. ¶ ¶ ¶ What does it matter to you anyway? ¶ ¶ What, oh what, do you want me to say? ¶ ¶ I won't defend myself or my reputation. ¶ ¶ If you're calling me a liar ¶ ¶ let's end this conversation. ¶ ¶ Fine, if that's how it's going to be ¶ ¶ I have nothing more to add to your hypocrisy. ¶ ¶ Farley, I don't understand who you've become. ¶ ¶ The boy that I once knew ¶ ¶ is dead and done. ¶ ¶ The boy that I once knew ¶ ¶ is dead and done. ¶ ¶ The boy that I once knew ¶ ¶ is dead and done. ¶ ¶ ¶ Back off, buddy! Leave me alone! ¶ ¶ What are you going to do about it? ¶ ¶ Write a poem? ¶ ¶ ¶ I hate this game. I hate my life. ¶ ¶ ¶ If you won't fight, get off this ice. ¶ Drop him! Fight! Come on! Hey! Hit him! Fight him! You ready? ¶ I'm jonesing to unleash these fists of fury. ¶ ¶ Rope-a-dope display of fighting flurry! ¶ ¶ Let's go! ¶ ¶ Get him! ¶ ¶ It's on, let's go. We're going toe-to-toe. ¶ ¶ It's on, let's go. We're going toe-to-toe. ¶ ¶ My goodness! ¶ ¶ Why did I ever doubt that boy? ¶ ¶ This is a watershed moment ¶ of happiness and joy. ¶ ¶ With that punch the sky's the limit. ¶ ¶ Think I swallowed my bicuspid. ¶ ¶ Everything's gone seriously awry. ¶ ¶ Oh oh Honey, ¶ ¶ I'm so sad I can't even cry. ¶ ¶ Who is this person, ¶ ¶ this person in such a rage? ¶ ¶ I've become a stranger ¶ ¶ to myself on this stage. ¶ ¶ It's no excuse. ¶ ¶ I know that for sure. ¶ ¶ But being one of the boys ¶ ¶ held a surprising allure. ¶ ¶ It's clear that I have lost myself in this game. ¶ ¶ ¶ This person before me is Farley Gordon ¶ ¶ only in name. ¶ ¶ ¶ These cheers are hollow. ¶ ¶ They are in vain. ¶ ¶ Forcing my resolve ¶ ¶ never to play hockey again. ¶ ¶ Where are you going? ¶ ¶ I want to hug you with pride. ¶ ¶ Back where I belong... ¶ ¶ Outside. ¶ ¶ I'd like to sincerely apologize to everybody who supported me. It's now official. Farley Gordon, that teen sensation we've been telling you about, well, he has now announced that he's quitting hockey. Ugh! ¶ Marco. My soul has heavy weather. Why? What's wrong? I ache for my true blossom. Please don't talk about Eve. No, is sole Italiana. But I saw you two kissing. Where? At the rehearsal space. Pfft! No, Marco tried to kiss Eve, but she spit out my advance like wine from the box. Really? Even now, voicing it aloud, it seems so... so incredible. ¶ You ask me if I love you. ¶ ¶ And I choke on my reply. ¶ ¶ ¶ What has happened? ¶ ¶ Why can't I concentrate? ¶ ¶ Aristotle is Aris-Notle. ¶ ¶ Socrates is not worth the debate. ¶ ¶ philosophy used to be ¶ ¶ jet fuel for my brain ¶ ¶ Now reading a page ¶ ¶ is positively Herculean. ¶ ¶ ¶ Since I quit, ¶ ¶ the game obviously holds no allure. ¶ ¶ ¶ But for my blues, ¶ even art doesn't offer a cure. ¶ ¶ ¶ How did I ever become so vain? ¶ ¶ Could modelling underwear be any more lame? ¶ ¶ ¶ Eve, oh, Eve. ¶ ¶ How I miss her so. ¶ ¶ But I can't find a way past our current embargo. ¶ ¶ ¶ I try to remain positive, ¶ ¶ But I lose hope she'll be gone forever. ¶ ¶ I wish she'd give me a call ¶ ¶ or send me a letter. ¶ ¶ ¶ My world which once seemed so full ¶ ¶ of music and light ¶ ¶ has been reduced to a monochrome ¶ ¶ black and white. ¶ ¶ ¶ He sleeps all day. ¶ ¶ He's no longer engaged. ¶ ¶ My diagnosis: ¶ ¶ Adolescent malaise. ¶ ¶ Is there a cure? ¶ ¶ Anything we can do? ¶ ¶ Well, hopefully, he'll grow out of it ¶ ¶ in a year or two. ¶ ¶ Oh, son. Farley, we've made a huge parenting mistake. All we wanted was for you to find your inner utopia. And if hockey was that utopia then we should have opened the gates. And, instead, we threw away the keys to the kingdom. Well, you saw what happened on the ice. What I did, what I became. True, the violence was ugly but where we failed was in helping you to navigate the nasty, to sidestep the savagery, to dance through the dark, to frolic through the ferocity and trounce the-- No, no, no. Yeah. What we're trying to say, Farley, is we're... we're so sorry. ¶ ¶ I barely remember ¶ ¶ those weeks that went by. ¶ ¶ Except for the constant, irresistible cry ¶ ¶ of the ice urging me to come skate. ¶ ¶ But I made my decision ¶ ¶ I sealed my hockey fate. ¶ ¶ However, my resolve, ¶ ¶ which once seemed so strong ¶ ¶ started to waiver ¶ ¶ as my exile dragged on. ¶ ¶ I'm the addict tempted by vice. ¶ ¶ Too weak to resist the lure of the ice. ¶ ¶ ¶ Has hockey corrupted my very soul? ¶ ¶ It was always a game ¶ ¶ and never a life goal. ¶ ¶ ¶ Am I dreaming? I must be asleep. ¶ ¶ Why is Walter Gretzky on this rink? ¶ ¶ ¶ The power of hockey ¶ ¶ works in mysterious ways. ¶ ¶ We're here to see you past this miserable phase. ¶ ¶ We all know hockey's the best sport on the planet. ¶ ¶ Theo Fleury's singing, ¶ ¶ What can't he do, damn it? ¶ ¶ Play your own game. To thine own self be true. ¶ ¶ Don't let a couple of punches... ¶ ¶ defeat you. ¶ ¶ 'Cause hockey's the greatest ¶ ¶ game in the land. ¶ ¶ You've got the goods to be your own man. ¶ ¶ 'Cause hockey's the greatest ¶ ¶ game in the land. ¶ ¶ Time to change the plan. ¶ ¶ ¶ Could they be onto something? ¶ ¶ Could they be right? ¶ ¶ I'm starting to see this whole world ¶ ¶ in a different light. ¶ ¶ Maybe just maybe, ¶ ¶ it's more heroic to play ¶ ¶ To search my soul, to find a new way. ¶ ¶ I should have guessed it was you. Hey, Eve. I didn't realize that the window was open. You know, it's not great for the environment to waste all that heat, right? I can't shut my radiator off, David Suzuki. What do you want? ¶ ¶ Eve ¶ ¶ dear Eve I've come to apologize ¶ ¶ for being insensitive. ¶ ¶ ¶ For putting on a guise. ¶ ¶ ¶ There's... ¶ ¶ There's one thing that I need to confess. ¶ ¶ ¶ You're more than a best friend. ¶ ¶ ¶ You're a goddess. ¶ ¶ ¶ Because we've known each other ¶ ¶ from infancy, ¶ ¶ well, you've always seemed like ¶ ¶ a sister to me. ¶ ¶ So when I began to see you ¶ ¶ in a more romantic light ¶ ¶ All those feelings I tried ¶ ¶ so valiantly to fight ¶ ¶ I was afraid of what you'd conclude ¶ ¶ ¶ That you'd think my love was, well, rude. ¶ ¶ ¶ Oh no, ¶ ¶ maybe she's a prude. ¶ ¶ Farley! ¶ I've had a crush on you for ages. ¶ ¶ ¶ How did I miss that feeling? ¶ ¶ It's so obviously contagious. ¶ ¶ ¶ Now I understand just how Marco ¶ ¶ fits into the mix. ¶ ¶ ¶ Let's make one thing clear ¶ ¶ I only like men who skate with sticks. ¶ ¶ ¶ You're the most beautiful girl ¶ ¶ I've ever seen ¶ ¶ You're everything I've wanted ¶ ¶ You're this girl's dream ¶ ¶ There's just one more thing ¶ ¶ to add to this refrain ¶ ¶ I've decided to play hockey again. ¶ ¶ ¶ You,¶ ¶ It's always been you ¶ ¶ It's always been you ¶ ¶ It's always been you ¶ ¶ It's always been you ¶ ¶ It's always been you ¶ ¶ ¶ You're not upset With my choice? ¶ ¶ Of course not. Hockey's your muse. ¶ ¶ Hockey's your voice. ¶ ¶ Please just promise ¶ ¶ that to your own self you'll remain true ¶ ¶ ¶ Funny, that's what someone else ¶ ¶ said I should do. ¶ ¶ Mum, Dad, wake up! Oh. Death? Where's the dog? Who? The dog. Where's-- Listen... I'm going to play hockey again. Respect, courage, heart! So I don't care how tired you are, we play two-way hockey tonight! When your man skates up to you-- What the hell are you doing here? Coach, I'm here to rejoin the team. Last time I checked, you quit because the rough stuff offended your sensibilities. So I hate to break it to you there buttercup, but we still don't do delicate in this league. I think you're oversimplifying the argument considerably. Coach... ¶ Can I say something? ¶ Really? Right now? ¶ ¶ After you quit, ¶ ¶ we had a team meeting. ¶ ¶ Behind closed doors, ¶ ¶ in spite of my pleading ¶ ¶ When you left the ice ¶ ¶ on the brink of tears ¶ ¶ It broke something in us ¶ ¶ that had been building for years. ¶ ¶ We took an objective look at our behaviour. ¶ ¶ Asked some more questions as to who's not in favour. ¶ ¶ As the way of the fist as a game's divine right ¶ ¶ And proving your manhood with ¶ how well you could fight. ¶ ¶ I swear we channeled the spirit ¶ ¶ of Oprah in that room. ¶ ¶ The catharsis was awesome. ¶ ¶ Especially for this goon. ¶ ¶ ¶ But, Farley, our conclusion never changed the fact ¶ ¶ That if you can't dance, we can't watch your back. ¶ ¶ Though we all agreed pacifism has a place ¶ ¶ Just not in hockey ¶ ¶ 'cause we'll all be disgraced. ¶ ¶ Actually, I might have another way we can embrace. ¶ ¶ My name is Farley Gordon And I don't like to fight ¶ ¶ My name is Farley Gordon ¶ ¶ Let's have a clean game tonight ¶ ¶ His name is Farley Gordon ¶ ¶ He's showing us a new light ¶ ¶ Though we might not all agree that ¶ ¶ his philosophy is actually right. ¶ ¶ ¶ Get off this ice unless you want to feel my wrath ¶ ¶ Back off. Let him try to forge a new hockey path ¶ ¶ It's okay I can handle this misplaced aggression ¶ ¶ Let's have an on-ice therapy session ¶ ¶ ¶ Don't think I won't rip off your head ¶ ¶ I'd rather hug it out instead ¶ ¶ Aw! ¶ Oh.... Please, I'm begging ¶ ¶ This is stripping all my bravado ¶ ¶ ¶ Let's end this dispute ¶ ¶ and I'll gladly let you go ¶ ¶ Argh...! ¶ ¶ Okay, truce. ¶ ¶ I won't make you drop the gloves. ¶ ¶ I sincerely appreciate your outpouring of love. ¶ ¶ ¶ Anyone else going care to take a run at me? ¶ ¶ ¶ Be forewarned -- ¶ ¶ I will hug you 'til eternity! ¶ ¶ ¶ One, two, three, four! ¶ ¶ Pugilist or pacifist We can all be fans. ¶ ¶ It's hockey! It's hockey! ¶ ¶ The greatest game in the land. ¶ ¶ Moose Jaw to Newfoundland ¶ ¶ This we understand ¶ ¶ Because hockey, hockey's ¶ ¶ the greatest game in the land. ¶ ¶ Wickenheiser, Cassie Campbell, ¶ ¶ you can be a woman. ¶ ¶ It's hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ The greatest game in the land ¶ Woo! Yeah! Yes! Yeah! ¶ ¶ I swear this kid is going down in history. ¶ ¶ What do I know? No one ever listens to me. ¶ ¶ At least he's going to make us a boatload of money ¶ ¶ Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ The greatest game in the land. ¶ ¶ Look at him skate He satisfies all my rages. ¶ ¶ His name is Farley Gordon ¶ ¶ And his girlfriend is hot-rageous ¶ ¶ I'm finding this happiness incredibly contagious ¶ ¶ Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ The greatest game in the land. ¶ ¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ The greatest game in the land. ¶ ¶ His name is Farley Gordon ¶ ¶ And he's showing us a new light. ¶ ¶ He's making me look like a sieve tonight ¶ ¶ His name is Farley Gordon ¶ ¶ And his skills are out of sight ¶ ¶ Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ The greatest game in the land. ¶ ¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ His name is Farley Gordon ¶ ¶ And he's got mad moves ¶ ¶ His name is Farley Gordon ¶ ¶ And nothing left to prove ¶ ¶ His name is Farley Gordon ¶ ¶ And he wants us to be fans ¶ ¶ His name is Farley Gordon ¶ ¶ The greatest game in the world ¶ ¶ We are proud Canadians. Hockey's in our DNA ¶ ¶ We are proud Canadians and we're not afraid to say ¶ ¶ We are proud Canadians and we'll always find a way ¶ ¶ playing hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ The greatest game in the land ¶ ¶ Whoa, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ Whoa, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ Whoa, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ Whoa, oh, oh, oh Hockey, hockey ¶ ¶ The greatest game in the land ¶ Was your son a late bloomer or...? Are you from Mars? Oh, no. Do you have any advice for a new hockey dad? Give your son or daughter every opportunity to play the game and enjoy the game and get better at it all the time. I suppose. Boy, you see how much the sticks cost now, though? I just saw one for $200. My first stick was one from the bush. I cut a tree branch down and carved a hockey stick out of it. That was my first stick. Oh my gawd. I lived on a farm. Isn't that something? That's amazing. Come on, we'll watch the game. ¶ Hello Oh, yes, this is Ima Sher. Ima Sher who? I-m-a sure glad I ain't Joe Mama! You just got pranked by the Master Prank Caller! The Master Prank Caller is the funniest thing on the internet, right, Mordecai? Ye-e-eyah, I guess he's pretty funny. But you know what is even funnier than watching prank phone calls? Hello? - Hello, Pops? - Yes? Please hold for a collect call from... Joe Mama! Hello? Hey, Skips, do you have a son named Joe Mama? Excuse me? Hello? Hey, Benson, you got any books by Joe Mama? Who is this! ? Whenever this is coming from, I will track you down and I will find you if it... Dude, he's still on the phone! - He's still on the phone? ! - He's still on the phone! Oh, Mordecai, we're the best prank callers ever, aren't we? Yeah, second best. What! ? Uh! Did you not hear what we just did? We were hilarious! Yeah, we were. But we're not number one until we do this. Who you calling? The Master Prank Caller. Holy crap! Hang up that phone! You think your little pranks are funny, huh? You think they're funny? Well, what do you guys think of my prank? Ring, ring. Hello, what's that? Mordecai and Rigby are banned from using the house phone? Okay. Good luck making your prank calls now! Dude, let's go use Pops' phone. Pops, can we borrow your phone? Oh, I would, but I'm holding to talk to Joe Mama! But you're welcome to use the phones under my bed. Aww, cool! What kind are they? Aw! 80's cellphones! Cool. Thanks, Pops. Oh, and boys... do be careful. I think they might cause brain tumors. All right. Now let's prank the Master Prank Caller. Okay, here I go. - Hello? - Yeah, this is, uh, pizza delivery guy? I have 50 pizzas here you ordered. Sounds great. Bring em' over. Uh, you ordered 50 pizzas? Yeah, and hot wings. Get here quick, okay? Your mom's like totally starving. Yeah, uh, okay. I got to go. Let me take a crack at it. Hello? - Hi, this is Stan. - Stan who? Stan... Stanminson. Your name is Stan Stanminson? Uh... yep. Well, congrats. That's the stupidest fake name I've ever heard. And what happened to your unfunny fake voice? I don't know. Now listen up, stop calling here or I'm going to make you sorry! Woah, this guy's good. I don't know, maybe we shouldn't do this. What, you givin' up? Dude, we can prank this guy. Do you want to be this guy's son, or do you want to be number one? Let's do it. - Hello, Master Prank Caller, this is... - Heard it. - Yeah buddy, its Joe Ma.. - Heard it. - Yeah, hello... - You got anything original? "Yeah hello?" Dude, that was the worst try yet! Time to put an end to this junk fest. Looks like the junk fest just got a new member. Yeah right, like your 50 pizzas thing was way better! Whatever Stan Manastan, man. Nice try, dude. I know it's you. Uh... not me, dude. Hello? Is this the pizza guy or Stan Stanminson? Uh... both. I thought i told you to leave me alone. Now I'm going to prank you so hard, your both going to poop a duke. they want their cell phones back! Where are we? Dude, I think we're back at the park. Are we? What do you mean? Dude, all the trees are small, and look at that park bench, it's so new looking. I'm telling you, something weird's going on. Look there's Pops. Let's go ask him. Pops! Hey Pops, can you tell Rigby here that everything is fine? What now? Why does Pops look so young? Now then, who are you gentlemen? How do you know my name? Pops! It's us, Mordecai and Rigby. But I've never met either of you gentlemen in my entire life. What? I'm telling you, dude, something weird's going on here. - Hey, guys! - What? Do you notice anything strange going on around here? Is he getting fresh with us? Yo, I think he's up in our threads, homefry. That dillweed just barfed me out. Fresh? Barf me out? Homefries? We're in the 80s, dude! Pops, what year is this? Well, it's 1982, of course. See? Dude, this is bad. I know. I don't even like the 80s that much! The only way were going to get back is that we prank him harder than he pranked us. Let's do it. Hello? The 60s called, they want their.. What did I tell you about calling me? ! - Hang up! Hang up! - I can't! You couldn't leave me alone. Now you're gonna pay! We should get out of here. The cart! Hello? The 80s called. They still want ya! Aw, man, these aren't even the cool clothes from the 80s! Listen, just leave us alone, will ya? ! Don't ever hang up on me! Dude, you have to call somebody to help us prank this guy! Who? ! Just call somebody! Ooh, telephone! Hello? Pops, you got to help us, we're stuck in the 80s! Who are you talking to? Why it's Mordecai and Rigby. They're stuck in the 1980s. Oh, really? Hello? Benson, you got to help us! We're stuck in 1982! That's really something, Mordecai. Crap, he thinks we're pranking him! What? ! Give me that! The 80s called, they want their cell phones back! What just happened? ! We need your help to prank the Master Prank Caller. Who? Why did you prank him? I'll take care of this. Hello? Nice ride... but I like mine better. Forget the phone, hold the wheel steady! Don't answer it, don't answer! Mordecai! Look out! Dude, we just hit past Pops! Can I help you with anything? Dude. I got an idea. Quick, get to the field! Everybody hide! Over there! Man, I hope this works. It will, Mordecai. It has to. Hello? This is The Master Prank Caller telling you-- Hello? - I said this is The Master Prank-- - Hello? I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I said this is The Master Prank Caller! Hello, hello, are you there? I SAID-- Just kidding. You just got pranked, loser! NOOOOOOO--! Now! Now, Rigby, hit the power button! Who's the best prank caller now, jerk-dish? ! No! NO! NOOOOO--! In your face! Who's the master prank caller now, you loser? ! Guys, this is it, Guys, this is it, it's the way back! Come on! One of these doors leads us back to the present. There it is. Wait. You guys were better than me today, but you can't leave me here. All I ever wanted to do was make prank calls like you. Was that so wrong? Hello? 1, 2, 3! The 70s called: they want their chair back! Full of surprises. I do love shagging my sixth-formers. You are pregnant. Four months? I AM going to marry him. She loves him. She doesn't! She does! He doesn't love her. She's too young, too inexperienced. I'm right, you're wrong. Give the girl a job. You're in a bit of a state, like a man with a guilty secret. I want you out of my daughter's life. What happened to Paula? Shut your eyes. (SCREAMS) (PHONE RINGS) (RINGING TONE) TAPE: 'Hiya, we are back but we can't get to the phone right now.' So are we clear? . Giles won't pay us a penny till we complete the reconfiguration from commercial to residential. I'll grovel to him cos apart from being an arsehole and a lying bastard, he's a dear friend. Sarah here is gonna head up the residential refurb team and create something so wonderful even Giles himself will find it impossible not to sign. And I'll go snivelling to the bank again begging them not to foreclose. Let's pray to God because he's gotta help us cos that is...our plan. What? . I made some calls. You told me Prue used to be at Ashmere Hall, then in the sixth form she upped and left to do her A-levels at Summerleigh, yes? Was that a last-minute decision? Yeah. Two years ago, Gavin Sorenson applied to be Head of English at Ashmere. He got the job, then a fortnight before term started, he backed out. He dumped them in favour of a junior position at Summerleigh. He followed her. Peter, live with this, just for a minute. I will. Good. (RINGING TONE) TAPE: 'Hiya, we are back but we can't get to the phone right now.' Where's my daughter? . Prue's out. And I've gotta go see a man about a skip full of crap. I'm going to contact the police. About assaulting me? It's a family tiff. All forgotten. No, about you stalking my daughter. Following her from school to school. All you gotta do, Peter, really just tell me to get out of your life. I mean, I won't go, of course but... ..saying it will make you feel better. You are a little shit. Look, I really think involving the police is not such a great idea. Certainly not for you. PIANO: # DEBUSSY: Clair de Lune I'm just telling you what happened. David wasn't reproaching you at all. One of us was there, that's all that matters. What are these doing out? . Prue asked if she could have them. Have you seen her? . No, but she sent a text. She won't answer the phone to me. I'm sure she's fine. But you haven't seen her. We have to adjust Meaning I have to adjust Yes, frankly, you do. You're no longer in charge. I'm going to the office today. Peter, it's Saturday. I know, I know, but Giles is making life very difficult. Extraordinary times. I want to know what happened to Paula. No you don't. Hot or...cold? She was a pupil. Top set, like me. That's it. You're a vampire. And...you creep from school to school. I'll find a way to make you tell me. Where have you gone? I'm here. You've gone away from me. No, I haven't, I'm just thinking... ..thinking about Prue and...(SIGHS) ..why she doesn't wanna see me. What she doesn't know about her husband. What are you gonna do? Nothing. All I know is that... ..every time I see him and confront him, he just.. ..fends me off. I found this man on the internet. He investigates people. I don't even know where you live, do I? No. Have you ever done a bad thing? I've got to post those photos to... Prue. I'll post them later. (KNOCK ON DOOR) Hi. You're Prue. Oh, your Dad has a screensaver of you in the office with balloons. I said I'd drop this round. It's, erm...photos. Oh, yeah, cool. Thank you. You're... Sarah Francis? Yeah, I saw your portfolio. I'm parked on a zigzag, gotta run but...very nice to meet you. Have you come far... ..to see Prue? I...work for Prue's father. Of course you do. There was a parcel. I expect there was. Goodbye, Gavin. What's he told you about me? Apart from my name? We don't talk about you. Cos when you're with Peter, don't wanna waste your time talking. Oh, and you mustn't worry about the little pot on the bedside table. Nobody likes it. Don't stop. What? . What? . You don't know what happened to her face. I mean, it could have been an accident. If you act before you think, you could play right into his hands. Don't go to Gavin, please. Talk to Prue. Talk to Prue first. Give her a chance to explain. You eat all that, you'll get fat. Hark who's talking. It's coming along. I didn't know if you got my message. Oh, I got them all, I've just been so busy. I'm meant to be at a, er...secretarial thing but I'm here, so you've lost me the job. You're not gonna get a job with a face like that. So...unfamiliar kitchen in the middle of the night. Open cupboard. I am better now, thank you. Have you got a cot? . No. I do not have a cot. After lunch, shall we buy a cot at Selfridges? Why Selfridges? Well, I assume they sell cots. Not because you want to suck up and spend a lot of money on me? (MOBILE RINGS) Well, my grandchild, actually but you're on the right lines. (CONTINUES RINGING) (CONTINUES RINGING) (CONTINUES RINGING) (CONTINUES RINGING) (STOPS RINGING) Simon Clark? Mr Manson. Greetings. Reflecting your requirements, I think we CAN be of assistance. You...you say 'we'? When it's necessary, it's 'we'. It's just not usually necessary. Two scenarios spring to mind, Giles. One, that you've genuinely encountered difficulties in your marriage and come to me for help. Forgive me for hoping that IS the case. Two, having demonstrated how easy it is for you to grind my husband underfoot by removing your patronage, you're giving me a final chance to save him. You're absolutely bloody unbelievable. Now get out. But we haven't talked about Peter. Dear Peter. You see... I don't think you really know him at all. I know my husband. No you don't. He exists purely in the present. I've never met a man more disconnected from his own past He keeps himself hidden, Cassie. You wouldn't actually have to go the whole hog. A kiss. I'm talking about a kiss. We could do it now. And bingo, Peter's back in business. If I were to do that for you, Giles, do you promise me you would reverse your decision on St Mary Axe? Is that a yes? Do you give me your word? Is that a yes? Yes. Thank you. I said yes. I know. I enjoyed it. Especially as you said it without waiting for me to give my word. It's the conquest, Cassie, that's the bit I like. The knowing that I could. It's all I want. You shit. Will I take my foot off Peter's neck? No. I would have given you the world. And look at you. Quite happy to shore up a property deal with a loveless grope in your marriage bloody guidance centre. You joyless bitch. Oh, I don't... I don't need a health visitor. (BREATHLESS) The law says you have to have one. Well, let me just check your heart before mine gives out on your doorstep. Let me know when we're allowed to talk about your face. I was attacked by a cupboard. Little listen to chesty. If your husband copped you one - No. I told you... - it's not necessarily the end of the world. It won't go in the notes. I just need to know what happened so I knows you're OK. That the baby's OK. Strictly between us. He struck her. With his fist And with a book. Which book? Poetry. Your man, he loves poetry. She pressed him about an incident in his past He told her to leave it and she didn't leave it, he lost his temper. What incident? . I don't know. Like me to find out? . No. Well, think the whole thing over. You might be surprised what you decide. Oh, and one thing. Don't discuss this with anybody. Not your wife... ..not your daughter. She seems very nice. What are you doing here? I've just had the most utterly vile and shitty day at work, and I thought to myself, 'All those miserable people can be on their own for a couple of hours. I'm going to London, see my husband, POSSIBLY my daughter, and definitely do some shopping.' Did you find her? . Prue? No... I didn't. But I found you and I found a very nice pair of shoes on King's Road, so two out of three can't be bad. How was your day? Hectic. You wouldn't want me to come to London and NOT come and see you? No, of course not. No. (TEARFUL) I got frightened. Of what? . Of losing Prue. I wanted to see her so badly I thought my heart was gonna beat out of my chest You don't have the monopoly on loving her, you know. I know, Cassie, I know. Yep. You know (! ) Have you thought of a boy's name? Peter. What if it's a girl? Peter. Here we go. Did he pay for this piece of shit? .! What are you going to do? Smash it up? Over me? He's bought the house and he's married the money and he's hacked his way to the top of his profession and it's got him nowhere. It's why he feels compelled to bang his new assistant. To assert himself. Please try not to have said that. Not that she isn't bangable. I would. I might, actually. My father is not 'banging' Sarah Francis. Ah, you see, you thought it too. What is it with you and my father? . I mean, come on, tell me! Why do you feel the need to piss all over him all the time? Prue, your father is shagging the junior. He may, on some not-too-deeply-buried level, wish he was doing it to you, but he's doing it to her. Christ, Gavin, that is disgusting. It's not disgusting, Prue. It's human. If you're wrong about this, I will absolutely bloody kill you! (FAINT MUSIC FROM HEADPHONES) David... (PHONE RINGS) Hello? 'Mum, is Dad there? ' Prue, darling. Hi. 'Is he there? ' No, I'm not expecting him back until much later. Is there anything I can do for you, darling? (MOBILE RINGS) It's Cassie. Here. H-Hello. Yes. Hi. 'Peter, I've got David with me. We're at Paddington Station.' What are you doing in London? 'Prue wants to see us. She wants us to come to dinner right now - ' Tell you what, why don't you stay, erm...where you are and... ..I'll pick you up. Alright, darling? 'OK, see you in a bit.' Looks good, Prue. What is it? . Coq au vin. Gavin made it. Smells delicious. Took forever. Yeah. I was slaving away for hours in the kitchen while Prue was dolling herself up for the evening. You've gotta reduce, reduce, reduce. The only way it's gonna be any good is if you boil the bastard right down to its essence. There you go, that's for you. Severely reduced coq. You got the photos, then? Yeah. A very nice, erm, really pretty girl that works at Peter's office brought them round. What's her name? Erm, I can't remember. Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. Oh, no...be careful with that. It's all held together with glue. So...what's the news? You said there was some news. Erm... I'll let Gavin tell you. He tells it better than I do. This baby's going to be a Yorkshireman. What, like, he's gonna come out with a flat cap and a whippet? . David. No, we're gonna live in Wakefield. Skipper of the skips. Turns out he's a Wakey lad. Sorted me out a job up there. Not a million miles from Grandma Nellie, so...we can all pop round to hers for little chats. Prue... Ow! Let me see, let me see. David...pass the peas. Since when did Prue wear make-up, caked on as if she'd had plastic surgery? I didn't notice any make-up. What bothered me was spending the rest of her life in Yorkshire. I don't believe that for a minute. That I didn't notice any make-up? No. Look, we were summoned there because Prue had something to say, she found she couldn't say it, asked Gavin to do it for her, and he said something else. God knows why. I've stopped wondering why that boy does the stuff he does. Maybe it was something private they'd worked out between them. Peter, why is it that you keep us so hidden from your mother? . Where the hell did THAT come from? I don't know. I'm just wondering who it is you're really ashamed of here. Her or us? You're not gonna tell me, are you? (GROANS) No, I'm not, not at one o'clock in the morning. Peter, what is going on here, OK? The bank rang today. They wanted to talk to you. They wouldn't tell me what... Do we have a problem with money? You know we have a problem with money, and my mother is an ongoing expense. OK, so bring her here to live with us, there's plenty of room. Don't be completely ridiculous. (SCREECHES) Well, what the hell do you want me to say? ! (EXHALES) Hello? CLARK: 'Good morning, Peter.' Yes. I'm... ..I'm sorry to call you so late. 'Ah, that's quite all right. I take it you've reached a decision? ' You...you wanna keep an eye on this moss because once it gets hold, you won't shift it. Who hit Prue in the face? I did. Why? Because she wanted me to. You know what she's like when she wants something. What are you like when you want something? She wanted you to hit her (? ) Why did she want me to do that? . Why did I do it? . Are all good questions. Some of the answers involve your husband. We're not quite ready for that. OK, what do you think Peter will say when I call him down to hear this? He's sleeping. You won't wake him. You know what, Gavin. I wouldn't be too sure of my intentions. I don't see why not. Is she here? Who? Prue. Is she here? She's taken my car. Think we've established she's not here. Goodbye, Cassandra. You were talking in your sleep. Did I... ..did I say anything... particularly incriminating? A woman's name. Cassie... ..we've been married...18 years. I mean, you know the... ..back catalogue, and if, in my sleep, I stirred up a bit of past action, well, I apologise. Paula. You see that little hesitation, Peter, that lasted for a lot longer than 18 years. Where's Sandra? Granny, I haven't replaced Sandra. I'm Prue. I'm your grand-daughter. I drove from London to talk to you, on a provisional licence. And now I've got to drive back again. I think my father and my husband are connected in a way that neither of them want me to know about. And I think it has something to do with my father's life up here. Can you tell me what that might be? I can't talk to anybody. Did you even notice? I'm pregnant. Oh! I know. And a man called Sorenson. Sounds like a channel ferry. Got a lovely sunny disposition. Gavin Sorenson? You know him? I've known Gavin for years. He's the only one who was civil to me. How many years, Granny? How many years have you known Gavin? 'Daddy.' Hello, Prue. I... I thought you might be asleep. 'How do you know I'm not? .' Well, maybe I'm asleep and I'm just dreaming that I'm talking to you. Are you pissed off with me, Prue? 'I shouldn't... be using my phone.' Why, where are you? 'I've got to go.' Prue, I love you. (CREAKING) You lay a finger on her again, we come back, we cut your prick off. Ambulance. Flat 5, 10 Harness Street. EC1B. Man stabbed in the back with a pair of kitchen scissors. (STABBING) (GROANS) Don't pull them out, you'll bleed to death. Wait for the paramedics. Giles. Giles, Giles. Not good timing. I'd like to be a part of this, if I may. I'm instructing new architects to clear up the dog's breakfast you made of this project. I don't think that you've behaved particularly honourably. I don't give a fish's tit what you think. I will not be harangued on my own property. Giles... ..I appeal to you as a friend - Actually, you don't. Listen, your daughter got in with my daughter, so for her sake I endured your conversation at school functions. (MOBILE RINGS) That is the extent of our friendship. Professionally your work is highly variable. What do you mean with 'got in with? ' What do you mean by that? . I'm sorry. What? . (BIG BEN STRIKES) Come in. God, almighty... Hello, Peter. He was stabbed. Have you ever been stabbed? I shouldn't bother with it. Were YOU in the flat? . No, she'd popped out. Thank God for that, eh? Quite. Won't tell me where she went but we're working on that, aren't we, baby? They held him down and stabbed him with scissors. It's terrible. I mean, God, that's...that's, erm... I mean, did...did they say anything when they...attacked you? That's a good, interesting question. Was there conversation? Hmm. The filth didn't ask me that. Nothing was said that I can presently remember. (MOBILE RINGS) I'm sorry. Did you bring any grapes? I thought people brought grapes when they visit the sick. I can get grapes. Yes, please. Prue? Would you...? CLARK ON TAPE: 'Sorry, we're not available. Please leave a message after the tone.' I need you to call me. Oh, Prue... God, this is awful. I'm so sorry. Why don't...why don't we go home? Can I ask you a question? And I want to know the right answer. If you lie, I'll know. I won't lie. Did this happen because of you? Is that my husband lying there like that because of you? Prue... ..look at me, I... ..I... I...never harmed Gavin. I don't want Gavin harmed. Look. Look into my eyes, darling. Am I telling the truth? Am I? Baby, am I telling you the truth? That's a question not an answer and you're hurting me. No, you didn't hurt Gavin. Thank you. Good. It's not good, Dad. Just remember that I thought you did. Where are you going? I'm going home. I'm going to MY home. He's lying in the bed with a tube up his nose and they stabbed him - We're buggered. I've had both banks on the line. MG's finished. That's a bit of an exaggeration. Well, it's the only luxury I've got left. You've talked to them, I haven't. What do they want from us? The business, premises... No, what they want is a sacrifice. It's a money in, money out scenario. We're gonna reduce our overheads, demonstrate an act of... ..of contrition. That will make them...the banks back off...for a while, maybe. I would have to lose salary at least Somebody would have to go. Me. That's not an option. Actually it is. Last in, first out, whatever links have subsequently been forged. No. No, I... I can resign. I'm a partner, you know, that'll... ..that'll make a difference. I waive my benefits, perks, salary, erm... That will show the banks that we are... ..serious. Are we serious? I can clear my desk. I can clear my desk now. If we get this ship the right way up, you stroll straight back on board, yes? I didn't hear you say yes. Gavin? Were you expecting someone else? Why are you on your own? I'm not. You're here. I thought Peter was here. Peter went to get grapes, then Prue went after Peter, neither was ever heard of again. The moral of that story, beware soft fruit. You seem very cheerful. Oh, I'm peachy, yeah! (BLOWS) You sure you should be doing that? . It's time to, erm...(GROANS) ..it's time to talk. You and I really do have to talk, you know. What about? . You. I'd like to talk about my daughter. What made you so bloody sure she wanted to be hit by you? She kept asking the wrong question. Which was what? . Tell me. The question was, 'What happened to Paula? ' OK. What happened to Paula? Peter! I've been looking for you everywhere! What a day, eh? Yes. There's something I've been meaning to ask about your birthday. I said... I remember what I said... ..I said, er... ..don't keep him waiting and you said - My father. I live with my father. I have to be home every night at a certain time. Bit strict at your age. He...has dementia. I have to medicate him. So, yes, I have another man. Would it be...a relief to you if I said that we should probably stop seeing each other? . Is that something, then, that you're likely to say? We can keep on if you want. But I believe this is the right time to stop. You need your family more than you need me. If you keep me... ..you might lose them. You might lose them all, Peter. I can't go home and pretend everything's OK. Actually you can. Do you love me? Sometimes pretending everything's OK is the strongest thing you can do. Do you love me? Peter... So... let's cast our mind back to Wakefield Poly. In Peter's tutorial group, there was a very attractive young woman. Will you sit next to me? Please. Why? Cos...this is difficult. It's difficult, so... ..I just want you close. I've been stabbed. I'm not a physical threat to you. Oh, don't be so stupid. Well then, sit. Closer. Peter was nice to her. In fact, on one occasion, he was SO nice, that it could be heard by the entire halls of residence. (GROANS) Are you OK? Hmm. Shall I call the nurse? No. You sure? Don't be afraid of what you want... ..Cassandra. Is my dad a good lover? . Nothing ever damaged you! I don't know you anymore, Daddy. I do not love you out of guilt. I will not have that said! Is there anything else that you will not have said? So all of this makes me what, Gavin? A means to an end? itfc subtitles whendoesamodel Become a real top model? (camera shutters clicking) whenshelandson A high fashion magazine cover. The best of the best covers? Italian "vogue," baby. Otherwise known As "vogue italia," This coveted magazine Has launched the careers Of models Such as claudia schiffer, Christy turlington, And linda evangelista. Well, guess what. In cycle 15 of "top model," One lucky girl will get The opportunity Of a lifetime... oh,that'spretty. beautiful. Because she's gonna skip Straight to the top And have her career launched In italian "vogue," And not just with one, But two fashion spreads And the cover Of "beauty in vogue." okay,herewe go . "topmodel"is elevating. In this cycle, we're creating A fashion superstar. pushitharder. butbeforeamodelgraces The cover of a major High fashion magazine, She starts out Just like any other... (tires screech) girl. So how does a girl Go from this... To this? (tape rewinds) Iwasdiscovered At my high school, Immaculate heart high school, On the very first day Of the ninth grade. I was sitting on a bench, And someone asked me, "are you a model?" Me? I was the awkward girl Who was so used to Being stared at And made fun of. After lots of rejection From every agency in town, I finally got signed. And after school, I'd go on go-sees on the bus. (camera shutter clicks) andeventually, I found myself Walking the runways In paris and milan and posing For the biggest photographers, Magazines, and designers In the world. What took me four long years, I'm gonna make happen For one young girl In just 12 weeks. This cycle's winner will have Her career launched In italian "vogue," Be repped by img, And win A $100,000 covergirl contract. The competition is elevating In every way... thislookslike "vogue italia" to me. highfaçon. andthegirlswillbe Working with The most influential names In the fashion business. We have raised the bar big-time. Diane von fuhrs berg, just Beautiful. Top photographers, and top Fashion experts. And the editor and chief of Vogelsong italia herself. I'mexcited. Hey! I'mchriswhite. I'mterrawhite. We're sisters. we'resisters. She's the older one, But I'm the cuter one. don'tstart. mynameis anamaria. It is my first time In los angeles, And I'm really excited. whoo! When we got on the bus, I see, like, my name. Like, they have something Up their sleeve. goodluck In this competition. My name is vanessa. I'm 18 years old. I was miss minnesota teen usa 2009. I'm really, really confident, And I already can tell That some of the girls are Okay. I've got the bag ready. Let's get you to the hospital. False alarm, Doug. Sorry. Hey, just out of curiosity... What's in the bag? Just everything we're gonna need at the hospital. Yeah? Let me take a look at that. Let me look in here. We got a hackeysack. Need that. And some rolling papers. And a comic book. Yep, just the essentials. Isn't it cute? You know, honey, when you do actually go into labor, You are not going to find any of this amusing. And by "this," I mean... This. Coming! 6, 5, 4, 3, 2...aah! 1, 0. All right company is coming And the first thing they'll see are my nice shiny balls. Hi, Eddie. This is worse than I thought. Well...well, come on in. I don't think I can. Why? Well, you know how I am with germs and everything, Whitey. This is... Well, fortunately, That's one thing I don't collect. I'm just too claustrophobic. This is... Well, no. Come on in and confront your fears. Come on, don't let the flies out. Yeah, home sweet home. How do you live like this? Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a little sparse Ever since I did my spring cleaning. And you're ok with all of this? Oh, yeah. In the eye of a hoarder, this is a martha stewart christmas. Did that garden gnome just blink? Oh, for pete's sake. Luther, up and out! Okay. And this is the last time, my friend. You know, they think they can sneak in here and hide with the gnomes, And then when I go to bed at night, they break into the kitchen. The trick is to put poison in the candy corn And have them take it back to the nest. So, can I get you anything? I've got... How about nuts? Oh, you certainly are. No, I already ate And drank and peed and pooped. I just wanted to come by and see if you're okay, Whitey. You are okay, right? Yeah, I think you're a little uncomfortable though, aren't you? Well, it's a bit unnerving. I have to be honest. No windows, no floors. It's kind of like my version of hell, Except without the celine dion music. Right. Whitey! Get up here! What the hell is that? Is somebody buried under all this? No. No, it's... It's my 93-year-old uncle Rudolph. He just moved into the attic. What? Yeah, he got kicked out of every retirement home On the eastern seaboard. He's not like us, Eddie. He's not really a people person. Whitey! Get up here, You worthless piece of crap! Okay, I see what you mean. Yeah. And he's on his best behavior right now too, Because he wants his... His precious talcum powder! He just won't die. And there's enough asbestos up in that attic, That the roaches can't even survive. Okay, listen. I'm going to let you get back to your uncle. I just wanted to make... to make sure you're all right. It's great to see you. I'm fine. Obviously. Okay. And I'll see you at school right? Yes, you will. Okay. Hey, you bowl? No, not at all. Didn't think so. Okay. See ya. Yep. Thanks, Eddie. Whitey! Look... You've got 20 minutes on that oxygen tank Even after the alarm goes off! You old fart! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... 53, 54, 55. Don't get up. What took you so damn long? I was with a guest. I have friends, uncle Rudolph. The hell you do. He's real! Like that cheese you named? Thank God your folks are all dead So they don't see you like this, you sick bastard. Look, I'm gonna pretend that you didn't say that Because you couldn't possibly mean All the hurtful and vile things you say to me. Don't patronize me, you candy-ass princess! I was an actor. I was in "the wizard of oz." That was me in the lollipop guild. You were never in the lollipop guild. I was a munchkin, damnit! As well as an oompa-loompa with Mr. Gene Wilder, And the only Willy Wonka. You can look it up, you fool! You were never in either of those things. You were "not" a little person! I was too. I had a growth spurt in my early 40s. It happens. If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that! I wish I'd shut you out when you showed up on my door step. Your...this is my house. It should fall on you and kill you And curl up your feet like the wicked witch of the east, Who was a dear friend of mine. And I still correspond with leon, the flying monkey boy. Well, I can see why you never lived with anyone. You're an awful person. That's not what alfred nobel said When he gave me his prize. You never got a nobel prize, uncle Rudolph. Microbiology, 1937. Look it up! All right, here's your precious talcum powder. Is there anything else you need? Yeah. I'd like a birthday party. I never had one. You want a birthday party? ! Yeah. This is probably going to be my last one. But I want to plan it myself. I don't want any surprise party. Why? My doctor said surprises might kill me. I'm having a surprise party for my uncle Rudolph, And you're all invited. When is it? Saturday. Tell Eddie. And Doug and Ally can come too. I need lots of people. I want lots of noise. In fact, I have cymbals for everybody. If you have a starter pistol, bring it. Hey, Whitey. Yeah? I got a real gun... On me. Hey, they don't make us go through the metal detectors. Well, bring it. It is kind of short notice. Yeah. Well, he's going to be 93 years old. Everything is short notice. And it has to be Saturday too Because that's the only time he leaves the house To have his back abscess drained. Sounds like a hell of a party. When were you ever at a party? I have one every time you leave a room. I have a drink every time you come in one. You know, I was going to kill myself Saturday. But I'm a party guy. So, I guess I could push it to Sunday. Do american school systems Have no criteria for hiring teachers? Hi, everybody. What's going on? I was just inviting everyone To my uncle Rudolph's birthday party. You invited them before me? Oh. Well, you know, you always invite the most interesting people last. Everybody knows that. I didn't know that. Well, aren't you the last person invited anywhere? Well, as a matter of fact, I am. Well, then there you go! Well, I'll be there. Okay. Thank you. Oh, by the way, Raj, this invitation is extended to you as well. What makes you think that I assumed that it didn't? Since I've been standing here the whole time And heard you say, "all of you are invited," And technically, being human, Considered myself to be part of the "all." Well, I meant no disrespect. I just wanted to make sure that you were there Because somebody has to clean up. I accept your apology, you dirty son of a mother... I can't believe the british stayed there so long. Okay. What are you doing? Let's get dressed. We're all ready 15 minutes late. It's a surprise party, Joy. We're supposed to get there before the surprisee. Come on! Would you relax? We have got plenty of time. Okay, which one do you like? The red one or the blue one? Whichever one goes on the quickest. Why don't you throw heels on with the robe and let's go. Come on. Seriously, I want your opinion. Blue. You didn't even think about it, Eddie. Come on, this is important to me. We never get invited to parties. Especially with people we work with. I want to look my best. So you want to impress those gargoyles we work with? Raj, the old drunk, Mrs. Rooney, the guy with the gun? Pick a dress. I did. Blue. You don't think it's too slutty? On you? No. All right, I'm going to wear the red. Okay, wait. Just out of curiosity, what the hell? I'll get it. No. No. I'll get it! "you" get dressed. Okay? Hello. Eddie! Eddie, where are you? He's almost here. I know, Whitey. We're out the door. We'll be there soon. Well, hurry! Okay. Was that Eddie? Yes. He's on his way. So, I got here on time. And I'm standing around in all this filth, While Eddie stark is out there breathing fresh air. Well, unfortunately, yes. Okay, where's the bar? The what? Yeah, I need a drink! I don't think that's a good idea, is it? I mean, you know the affect alcohol has on you, mistress. I mean, the last time you had a drink, I ended up needing a skin graft. But you did learn not to spill mommy's margarita now, didn't you? See? It was a teachable moment. Where's the booze? Well, it's in the kitchen In the 3rd refrigerator to the right, lower shelf. No. No. No. I don't want the rot gut You're serving to the goon platoon. I want the good stuff! All right. Follow this purple cord over here. All the way up to the wheelbarrow Filled with the little gorbachev dolls. And each one of those has a little airline-sized bottle of vodka inside it.. The red splotch on the forehead is the spout. Oh, you're going to pay for that! Okay, everybody ready? I am. But I can't seem to find Doug. What do you mean you can't find Doug? Well, you know the game "hide and seek?" Yeah, the game you play when you're 3 years old? Yeah, well, Doug's really good at it. And he's been hiding for over an hour. And I can't seem to find him. So you guys are playing "hide and seek" right now? Yeah, it was Doug's main sport in high school. He would have gotten a scholarship for it If it was recognized by anyone anywhere. Doesn't he know we have to leave? Oh yeah, he can hear you. You just can't see him. And now that he knows that you're looking for him, That'll just stoke the flames of his competitive juices. We may never find him. I'll sto his flames. Doug! Okay. Listen to me. Wherever you are, I ask you to come out of hiding right now... And reveal yourself! Dad, you know, he's not under the table. He's in the zone. You're not going to find him. Oh yeah? All right, Doug? Listen to me. This is not a threat. I'm just making a statement. I respect your ability to hide. And I'm impressed that you have had such success with it. And I'm sure that if there was anything visually interesting About "not" being able to see people, I'm sure that it would be a televised sport. But since it is not, And since we have to get to a 93-year-old's surprise birthday party right now, I ask that you come out of your hiding place now. Please. Olly olly oxenfree, Doug! Red rover, red rover, Send Doug right over! Where the hell are you? ! He's really good, isn't he, daddy? That's my man. And you haven't even seen him seek. Okay, ready! Finally! Okay, let's go. Come on. No, no. We can't go yet. We haven't found Doug. It's ok. We don't need Doug. Come on, let's go. Is he playing "hide and seek" again? Yeah, he's the greatest. Okay, good. Then he'll still be hiding when we come home. Come on, get moving. You know, I was thinking. Maybe it's not the best idea For me to go out in my condition. Allison, in your condition? You're not sick. You're pregnant. And you've got 2 weeks to go. Besides, I was a week late. That really means you have 3 weeks to go. So if I have to go to this party, You have to go to this party. Let's go to the party. Are you happy, Joy? You made her cry. What? I didn't do anything. It's her hormones. Ally, I'm right here, baby. I'm right here. Doug? I'm so sorry. Oh, the couch! Brilliant! What the hell are you doing? ! I'm a sympathetic crier. When somebody else cries, I cry. That's how they always found me in "hide and seek." I mean, what the hell are you doing hiding in our couch? Oh, I just took out the...the sleeper-bed thingy For the perfect hiding place. You hollowed out my couch for a hiding place? That is extremely disturbing. I'll tell you something that's more disturbing, 30 seconds ago I was sitting on his face. Yeah, well. It was no picnic for me, either, sir. But I'm a pro. Boy, I hope to God the baby has your brains. All right, are we going to this party or what? Yeah. Come on, let's go! We can still make it. Come on, crybaby daddy. Wow. The baby has more room than we do. Man, there are so many hiding places here. You know, thank God you guys made it. I told you we would, Whitey. Yeah. He's not here yet. So... How would you know? Eddie, I thought you were exaggerating. No. See what I'm saying? And look at that. There's the gnome. The gnome is back. He's on the couch. The gnome is there. Damnit. Luther got back in again. I forgot to lock the doggy door. Hey! Hey, Whitey, how come you have so much stuff? Well, you know, everything is connected to a memory of some sort... Yeah, okay. Yeah. Screw the memories, where's the bar? Oh, in the kitchen. 3rd refrigerator on the right. Okay. Oh. Hey, Ms. Duffy. Oh, hey, Joy. Wow. You're in 3-d tonight. Hey, who...who did your jugs? Because I'm thinking about getting a bigger rack myself. Well, mine were done by God... And gravity. Aww. Well, I guess it all balances out in the end. You know, you've got these 2 great boobs here And one big ugly one over there. I just... I just made a funny. Not so much. Oh, hey, Joy, Can I ask you something, girl to girl? Sure. Are you at all interested in girl to girl? Okay, I think you've had a little too much to drink. Ha! You think? Back in india I was also a doctor. Really? A fellow doctor, huh? Let me ask you a question. Where do you guys land on the whole hand washing thing? Well, I'm in favor of it. Back at home I often had my patients wash their hands. We don't call them untouchables for nothing. I got a theory on the whole ghandi thing. It wasn't a hunger strike. He was bulimic. Really? Yeah. Yeah. The whole thing... he was looking for attention Like a little teenage girl. Standing in front of the mirror... "Does this diaper make me look fat? Look from here. Look from here." What is wrong with this country? I'm so rooting for china. Hey, more dim sum, huh? ! Oh, my favorite! Hey, excuse me! Do you mind if my wife sits there? She's...she's pregnant. Not my baby. All right, quiet. Quiet. Here he comes, okay? Everybody get your cymbals. Remember...shockingly loud! And Raj, don't go easy on that air horn! Say "surprise," here we go! Surprise! Uncle Rudolph, weren't you surprised? Oh, I don't know. Let me check. No. That's from yesterday. Okay, let's go! Wow. That was some party. It's the first time I ever took a shot to the basket by a little person. I guess I could take that off my bucket list. Did you guys see that chicken that plays checkers? Almost beat him the second time. I'm just glad we got out of there before duffy stole 3rd base. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! He's kicking! Come here. Let me see. Let me see. Oh! Doug. Oh, my God! Hey dude. You're about to leave the ultimate hiding place. Daddy? Nah, every time I put my big mitt on him, he stops kicking. Come on. Come on. All right. Okay. Hey, little guy. It's grandpop-pop. Pretty cool, huh? Yeah. Oh, my God! It's amazing to think that inside here is a little brain. Action. And this is soft! I think that was more like the leg. Go for it. Go for real hits. All right. Seriously. Action. And this is soft. God! All right. Go ahead. That was dead on. All right! *** Thank you. **** Let's get to this vote. Here we go. Love the enthusiasm. Nice to be live. Well, for a season that started old versus young, I think it says a lot that we have three people from the young tribe in the final. Congratulations. But there can only be one winner. The winner of "Survivor: Nicaragua" gets a million dollars. Could be life changing. There are nine votes in here. These are votes for a winner. Let's read them. Love you, Fabio! First vote... Fabio. One vote Fabio. Chase. One vote Fabio, one vote Chase. Fabio. That's two votes Fabio, one vote Chase. We are tied. Two votes Fabio, two votes Chase. Chase. That's three votes Chase, two votes Fabio. Chase. Four votes Chase, two votes Fabio. Fabio. That's four votes, Chase, three votes Fabio. Two votes left. Fabio. We are tied. We have four votes Chase, four votes Fabio. One vote left. The winner of "Survivor: Nicaragua" Fabio. Fabio! Come on down! "Survivor: Nicaragua" started as a showdown between old versus young, Resulting in our youngest winner ever, 21-year-old Fabio. Was he really a goofball or just playing cool? NaOnka is here and she has even more to say how she played, Why she quit, and the parents who want her fired from her teaching job. Plus coach Jimmie Johnson will share his "Survivor" experience and he's brought along a few of his football buddies to shed some light on why he was voted out so early. It is the "Survivor: Nicaragua" reunion show live in Hollywood, only CBS. That's next. My whole strategy bro, is to kind Of make people laugh and be all Crazy but it goes deerm than Just oh, ha-ha. Let's keep him around because he's funny, it's like... Hermit crab on my foot. I hate playing stupid so much But it's, like the smartest thing to do right now. Fabio wins immunity. I haven't double-crossed anybody on the jury and I won the final three immunity challenges, and if that's not outwit, outplay, outlast, then maybe I'm a fool but right now, I'm feeling like a million bucks. Welcome to "Survivor: Nicaragua" live reunion show. We're in hollywood, and a huge reaction from this house at Fabio's victory... A lot of love. - And a very good vote. Very close. - Yeah! First and most important question, Fabio. Did the name stick or... because for people who might have forgotten you actually started thistarted this as Judson. Yeah... And people ask me, "so what's your real name? People asked my mom, "why did you name your son Fabio?" - I'm Fabio right now. - You're still Fabio? I have a few characters, but, yeah. Here is the question that was most on my mind as we played this entire game. I could never figure out if you really were a goofball just kind of stumbling along or if you were playing a bit of a goofball because you figured maybe that's what people take me for. I'll give them what they're looking for. It comes down to knowing yourself really well. You can't... I'm very aware of the vibes that I give off and the way other people perceive them, and I'm also aware of what I'm getting back and if there's an imambulance or another, I remember a few times catching somebody, just one little look will tell everything, dude. What's your family history? How did you grow up? - How did you come to be this guy? - Dude, I have been crazy for a while. Really... no, a family of artists on both sides. My great-grandfather invented the color wheel on my mom's side. And my dad... my dad's grandpa, I believe invented the folding card table for sampsonite. - Really? - So... I have been thinking seriously about human creative powers, like in a physical sense almost. And when you're down in the jungle, there is a certain forest down there that you can work with. It sounds a little crazy, but, it's there, dude, *** And... and so the modeling career, is it on hold? Do we have... put something up if we have anything of Fabio. Because before "Survivor"... There we go. You were modeling and then you end up with this name Fabio, coincidentally, and you had the long hair, which you cut. What's happening? You've got a million dollars. You're 21. What happens tomorrow with your life? Is it going to change? Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Dude, I... I don't even know, man. I'm going to have a lot of fun. I'm going to start a production company. I mentioned that to you, traveling around and doing music, ***** connecting our dots around the world and reminding the government, communications and art, you know, it's like a corporation. You have 55% of the influence, and you get all these people together. Yes, the entire time we were out there you were telling me your plan, "if I win, this is what I'm going to do." Chase, very close, 5-4. Very close vote. I think the, you know, like Fabio, for me, anyway, there was one real big question for you. You came off... Even to me at tribal council... Always wishy-washy. Yes-No, red-Black, up-Down. I was. I was wishy-Washy the whole game. The game drove me insane. *** But, for me, strategy, lying to people, stabbing people in the back. That's the way the game is played. If I'm bad at that and crazy about it I'll take that as a compliment because it really drove me crazy. Was there anything going on with Brenda and you because in the beginning, it seemed like there was a little flirtation going on? There was. But... it wasn't ever like that. It really wasn't. Like, we were just good friends, and everyone took it as the other way. But, I mean, we were just good friends the whole time. We snuggled together. - It was a show-mance. - *** I couldn't do that in front of my mom. My mom would see that. Sash you had a little something with brenda in another way. In a... you have this really strong alliance for a long time and your game started to crumble when you lost Brenda and then NaOnka and Purple Kelly, which we'll get to later. Did you ever think... did you consider giving her the idol that night? That was the big question of that episode. You were tight together. Why not save her? I think what it didn't show was the day before or when I was on the zip lining reward, which was amazing, I think Brenda and NaOnka had a little time on the beach... I made a big plan to take out Sash, and that's what people don't see - and I told a certain someone... - You told NaOnka. I told NaOnka, the person I thought I could trust, and she, of course, went and told Sash. - So... - And I confronted Brenda about it before tribal council. And I asked her... - Pointblank. - Did you conspire against me. *** So you knew, Brenda, you weren't getting the idol? Yeah, but I... I mean, there's still that... Why? I'm going to go back to the question I asked you at tribal. Why wouldn't you scramble at that point? *** Because I was still hoping for it. I was going to approach the people that I started the game with, the people that would want to continue with me versus people who didn't want... Wanted me out from day one. So it was Chase and Sash, and I just had to keep on banking on that. I have to make a public apology to you, Sash, because during casting, and even the day before the show, I said to Sash numerous times, "you will be the first person voted out of your tribe" And when I'm looking at you snuffing your torch, just remember that's what I'm thinking. And here you are, in the final. So I give it up to you. You scrambled a lot. - I thought of that on day 39, Jeff. - What's that? - I said I'd see ow day 39. - Yes. So, Chase, "Survivor" is not your passion. - I know your passion, music. - Absolutely. So give me... There are so many reality shows now that being on "Survivor" doesn't necessarily change your life. Has this made it harder for you to do music or has it opened any doors? I don't think it's done either one. For music, the music industry, you're going to go to Nashville, which is where I live now, and they'll sit there and say "you were on Survivor? Okay. Can you sing? Can you write?" They don't care that you're on "Survivor." - And that... - Yes, they do. No. *** That's fine with me. I know the big-Time guys the in the music industry, *** Kenny Chesney, *** they fought to get there *** but I'm fine fighting, doing it the way everybody else did it. I want to give you an opportunity. I want "Survivor" to maybe help you in this case. - So we've got a guitar here... - Yeah! So... Chase, give us just a taste of something that you have written. All right, we wrote this last week *** we recorded in EP on thursday, so... It will be out soon so this will be the first single. - *** - *** Chase sounding pretty good from you up here on the stage. Still to come tonight, one of the most despised survivors ever, NaOnka. And one of the season's most likable, Jane. Plus, one of the season's biggest underdogs, Holly, and find out how "Survivor" saved Jimmie Johnson's life. We are live in Hollywood. It's the "Survivor: Nicaragua" reunion show. Pick it up! - *** - *** **** **** *** Welcome back to the "Survivor: Nicaragua" live reunion show. Coach Jimmie Johnson, what is it... You said in that clip we saw toughest thing you've ever done and you're a guy who's done a few things. What is it about "Survivor?" In football practice you work throughout the day but you have a soft bed. You have lot of food. You have plenty water. You know, we didn't have water. We didn't have food. We didn't have a soft bed. We didn't have any sleep. That, you know, that really played on me more than anything else. At night, you're cold and shivering. You're standing by the fire. It was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through. Now at my age, now these young kids they held up a little bit better than I did. - How old are you? - 67. 67. You got fame. One would assume you have enough money that you're okay for the moment. - Why do this? - I love the show since day one. I mean, it's been my favorite... Other than football, my favorite show. You know, I tried to get on this thing about six, seven years ago and got turned down. My wife, Rhonda, did the little video. We filled out all the papers. Did everything. Turned me down. I was just sick. Okay, a couple of years later, went through the whole process, did another video, sent it all in, I went through all the testing and did all the physicals, came out to L.A., I'm driving back to the airport, and I got a phone call. It was the Ssurvivor" doctor, Dr. Horowitz, he said, "coach, we'd love to have you, but you got two blocked arteries." He said, "you better see your cardiologist." A week later, went in, had stents put in, lost 30 pounds. My wife, Rondha, put me on a strict diet, workout routine. My cholesterol went from 220 to under 100. Got healthy. So you might say "Survivor" kind of saved my life. And then you applied a third time. I got healthy, so now I can be on "Survivor." We were glad. I want to talk... Let's go down here in fact. - You brought along a buddy of yours. - Oh, yeah, I got my crew. We've got Terry Bradshaw here. - Mr. Bradshaw. How are you? - How you doing. Good, pop on up... Football fans watch you guys every week. - Right. - And the Back and Forth. Did you give him a hard time when you found out he was doing the show? I was in shock that he actually it's first thing was his age. I was worried he was going going to kill himself. That was the thing, really, that bothered meet most. We work out every saturday, watch football all day saturday. We're best friends and I truly was concerned whether or not he could survive it. So when he got on... of course nobody knew he got on it until all of a sudden he's on it. And then you're like how long is he going to last. And they got him off before he hurt himself. But, overall, you know, as you say, for a 67 year old guy who doesn't have the same drive because he doesn't need the million dollars. He has the drive. That's where you're wrong. - Really? - *** He does have drive. He loves the show, and I know for a fact he didn't want to go off that show. I know for a fact. He would have liked to have stayed. No, I don't think he could have made it as far as he wanted to go, but driven he totally is. So based on your knowledge of how he talked about it, where does this rank for an experience for coach Jimmy? I think outside of the realm of what he's comfortable with, which is football, this is... And his lovely wife and his kids... Right there. This is probably the most important thing eave ever done in his life because he's talked about this, Jeff, forever. He's talked about this show and we both thought he was nuts. - None of us could do it. - You wouldn't do it? Impossible. There's no way I could do it, no way. Physically, I couldn't do it. - Well, we appreciate you coming out. - My pleasure. - We enjoy watching you every week. - Thank you, sir. Thank you. Holly, Holly, going back to you, or coming to you, you lost your mind those first few days. What happened out there, Holly? Everything started so good, and then the next thing you know, poorDdan has $1600 alligator shoes they're floating in the river. I know. It's just... It's so hard to explain. When you get out there, you know, no sleep. You aren't eating. I missed my family horribly. And everything Dan said to me for some reason just really got under my skin. He was constantly bragging about, you know, the price of this, and how many cars he had, and I was like "do you really have to be on "Survivor?" And I can't explain it. It's so weird. But I do want to make a presentation to Dan this evening. Just because I felt horrible about stealing his shoes. I really did. And I heard a little secret that Dan really likes cowboy boots. And after I stole the shoes, he told me that it didn't really matter, because he had 20 more pair of alligator shoes at home. So, Dan... I bought you a full quill ostrich boot... for you to take home. There you go... Dan, what... Holly brings up a good point. Why do this show? How rich are you? Well, you talk about it a lot, right? Well, you know, I don't know who is here, if the I.R.S. is here. You know, maybe I have a lot of money on the side. I don't want to say anything. I'm okay. My two boys are in the audience. And you met Matt when he was on the show. That was very emotional. And Mikey's there, and they were with their two girlfriends... Boy you just tossed my question aside. All right, still to come. Sprint is going to... We're going to find out later how many millions you have. Sprint is going to award $100,000 to one of this season's castaways based on your votes. And later, you won't believe what we're doing for Survivor 22. Up next, Jane, one of the season's most liked contestants. You'll hear about the training she did to get in shape and we will hear from NaOnka. She is itching to talk. We'll be right back. Taking us to the break, our composers David Vanacor and Russ Landau. They think I'm some middle-aged housewife. They're in for a big surprise. What if I want to beat them? Jane has already won immunity, does not want to give up yet. She's a North Carolina girl, Jeff. Oldest woman in this game going up against two of the youngest and most fit guys. Jane wins individual immunity. I may be little, I may be small, but there ain't no way in hell on an individual challenge you will beat me, so... Welcome back "Survivor: Nicaragua" live reunion show. Jane, one of the most popular contestants this season, and we just saw coming in from the break, part of it was just how physically fit you were, you know, taking out Chase in that challenge. You outlasted some other guys in an earlier challenge. Tell me about the prep did you. I was very impressed when you told us how hard you worked to get ready for the show. Well, the staff led me to believe there would be a lot of professional athlete. So I was like, okay. I'm not going to be able to compete against them so I started running and doing total gym and did the chin-Up bar and swam one or two miles a day. Every day I did that. And you also prepped for fire because you got fire going without the help of anything. I read an article on the airplane you wrote and you said, "why would anybody do "Survivor" Without knowing how to build a fire?" I bought a flint. That was a piece of cake. If you don't have a flint, try other ways. I practiced every day with my glasses and different material. - It really paid off. - It did pay off. What was the animosity between you and Marty? I could not figure out what happened between the two of you? You rubbed each other the wrong way, clearly. Day one I tried to make an alliance with him, Tyrone, and Coach and they just fluffed me off. And I was, like, you don't even know what I can do yet, and you're fluffing me off. And that kind of started it. Marty, did you fluff off Jane? I'm still struggling with the fluff-Off. But... no, she... She made an alliance with Wendy Jo... - No, I didn't. - She made an alliance with Jimmy T. We didn't think that was too smart, and just... You look at people and look at their decision making and you figure out who you want to hang with. That was it, though. - It was just about the game. - Are you friends now? Because clearly you did not like each other on the show. - That was not a put-on. - Yeah. Not so much? Really. Not so much. So you're not going to be going to visit Jane? No, no, not going to happen. Not going to happen. Well, you weren't the only source of antagonism this season, miss NaOnka. It wouldn't be a great season of "Survivor" if we didn't have a great villain. This season, her name was NaOnka. I came all the way out here from south central L.A., and I will not let anyone stand in my way. I'll push you so hard that damn leg will fly off. One shove, she's out of there. Why you raising your voice at me? I can get loud, too. Fabio, I don't like you. - I'm about to vote you off. - NaOnka, you a little complicated? Me! No! Am I? This is just who I am. So whoever don't like it, I don't care what anybody thinks. I'm still the same NaOnka I was before and I'm still going to be NaOnka after I leave here. - You want to go? - Yes. Go. So, NaOnka, is that really you? Is anyone really like that? When you're playing a game for a million dollars, you don't know how you're going to act, and I acted a fool. I did exactly what I needed to do to win. And it came across as a villain. And I really didn't think that I was going to be a villain. You pushed a woman with an artificial leg down. How I looked at it is I shoved another competitor. I didn't look at her as someone that has a prosthetic leg because she was cast just like every one of us. There was nothing really... There was nothing that had me like, Oh, let me not do this. This is someone I'm against for a million dollars. Kelly, is that fair? Is that fair? You're on the game of "Survivor?" It doesn't matter what your situation is. I signed up for the same game. I was going to be held to the same standard. I didn't expect any less. It started out I was offered a free ride on her back at one point, and I think I took that. I mean I was a little offended by that. I didn't need it. So, yeah, we're playing the same game. I didn't... I didn't take it personally. I didn't try to. NaOnka what's been the reaction at school. Because clearly, you know, a lot of people come up to to me and say: "she's a teacher? They let her work with kids?" Yes, they do! I still have my job, and I never lost it. - And... - Have there been parentes that have called and said, "listen, I'm not so sure about this anymore? - Well... Yes. - Don't lie to me. I would be lying if I said no because I'm at multiple schools. One of the principals pulled me aside and said one of the parents didn't want their kid in my P.E. Class. What I want to put out there is people have to understand this is a reality tv show and it's a game for a million dollars and this has nothing to do with my real life and I just want to put that out there, like each and every one of us is up here because we were playing a game to win a million dollars, so... we shouldn't be judged with our profession with this game. I think that's ridiculous. 28 days, 28 days you lasted on this show. You had an immunity idol, which could have taken you to the end. - And you quit. - I quit. - Why? - I had enough. I had enough, Jeff. I just did not think that, you know... If it wasn't for him, I would have left post-merge. When I first had my breakdown because it was just the worst ever. Like... The first day I'm like, "where is the helicopter? I'm ready to go." The weather was horrible. I didn't know that rain forest was going to be a rain forest. Where is NaOnka's mom? I want to talk to your mom and find out the truth about you. - Hi, mom! - Hi, NaOnka. - Mom, what's your name? - Zina. Ok. So, we wanted the same show, you and I, right? - Yes. - Surprised at your daughter? No. The things she said. The things she did. I mean, is that... Did you say, "Honey, go out there and do whatever, kick ass. - I don't care what you do." - I Did say that. I did. ***** I'm surprised like everyone else, you know. When she came home she couldn't say anything, and every week, from week to week, I just couldn't believe what I was watching. Does the apple fall Far from the tree? Are you a little bit like NaOnka? Yes. - You are. - Part of it. 50%. - I'm the good girl, though. - You're the other side. - Yes. - Yeah. NaOnka, your mom just threw you under the bus. - Well... Yes? - So... - I'm mom. - Ok. You still love her. Yes, of course I love her. I'll always love her. Well, you will be happy to know, along with Purple Kelly's parents, that NaOnka and Purple Kelly will leave a legacy on this show because I want to be clear with everybody here and at home, starting from this point forward, we will have a rule that says if you quit this show for reasons other than medical evacuation or some extenuating circumstances, we will have the right to do what we want, meaning put you on the jury or take you off the jury. A lot of people... Were coming up this season asking why they were still on the jury. So thank you for that, Purple Kelly and NaOnka. All right, next season in addition to a new rules change, we have big plans. You're going to hear all about it and I think you're going to like it. But up next, it is the Sprint Player of the season and I'll give you a hint. NaOnka, not in the running. We'll be right back. Welcome back, Well, since Thursday viewers have been texting and voting online for the sprint player of the season. This honor also include a $100,000 cash prize. This year's winner received the most vote ever, and won by the biggest margin in the history of this award. There is no drama, nobody was close. Jane is the winner. Of the $100,000 check from Sprint. It was a blow-out. Jane's daughter, who came out and visited during the loved one. So, Jane, let me ask you a question. What's your annual salary? Around $50,000 a year. So double... Two years' worth of salary just for being a likable person. - Not bad, and congratulations. - Thank you. I want to pop around a couple of people. Shannon, I want to give you a chance to redeem. Redeem what? Well, I think... Maybe not. Maybe I'll help bury you. I don't know. I was calling the duck a duck. It was quacking like one. It had a bill like one and I was calling a duck a duck. If it was a chicken it became a chicken but that was his business. - **** - Stop, stop, stop. - I met his girlfriend last night. - Stop. It was good. What I was referring to, and clearly a mistake in judgment on my part... - Oh, that's where you were going. - Was to ask you just about the comment you made about Sash early in the show about being gay and I was actually going to give you a chance to say you were just giving him a hard time. But it sounds luke I stand by it. That's good. No... Guys, how about this, no. - Wendy Jo. - Yes. Your husband turns out was right? He said with love to you, you would be the first person off. Did he give you a hard time when you got home? First of all, I didn't tell him. So he had to watch. - Ok. - Nice. And second of all he didn't guess it because he said if I sing and I dance and I talk and I don't go under the radar, I'll be voted off. So I didn't do any of those things and I was voted off so he was wrong. Well, I'm happy you were on the show. I'm not really sure what you just said, but you are one of a kind. Jimmy T., just a quick question... You were really, I felt, vulnerable when you got voted off. You opened yourself up a little and said, "all right, I can learn." - Did you take anything from this? - Yeah, absolutely. I said at the beginning of the game, on one of my interviews, that take notes, get your paper and pencil. I'll show you how to play this game and just do exactly what I didn't do. I tried too hard. I played with my heart instead of my head and you have to play this game with your head. And Alina I felt like you had a great time out there, one of the few people I looked at who I thought was always laughing and smiling and even when you were voted off, said it's great. - I'll come back. - Yeah. I loved it. I loved every minute being out there, all the craziness, this women being all complicated like she is even knows moments where just so surreal and awesome and I'm just so glad I was there. I bring all this up because like it or not, functional or dysfunctional, getting along... One thing is true on this show. After 21 seasons, "Survivor" is a family. You're part of this family now, and we have just added our newest family member, and I want to come down and talk to the dad. We've had a couple of love affairs come from this show, probably the most famous love affair is Boston Rob and Amber. - What's up, buddy? - How you doing. They met on "All-Stars" They fell in love. Amber won. Rob won her heart, and you just had your second baby. - We did. - So this is an amazing story. There's a picture of her. Give us the short version of what happened with Amber. It was pretty dramatic, like everything that goes on in our household. We got to the hospital at 2:15 in the morning. Amber had the baby at 2:25, no IV, no epidural. I mean, just... She just got it done. There was a moment where you literally were whispering in Amber's ear: "you've got to push right now, because there were some complications" Well, the head came out, and like I said, we got to the hospital very late. We live about 40 minutes away. We were rushing there. And the doctor said, "now's the time." I reached out... I went to her ear and told her we got to get it done. - That's why you guys are a great team. - *** **** Rob, you take us to the break. Get us out of here. After 21 seasons the greatest adventure game on television is about to evolve once again. It's big. Find out all about it when we come back. Nice job! Welcome back to "Survivor: Nicaragua" live reunion show. Before we get to our big twist for next season, I want to share with you an experience I had this summer in Nicaragua. During a break in shooting, I visited an operation smile mission where I got to see firsthand how quickly a child's entire life can be changed. 45 minutes, these kids have a new smile, new self-esteem, new outlook, and a new future. It is an amazing thing to witness. You can visit operationsmile.org and see for yourself. This we're's survivor auction will benefit operation smile. If you want to own a piece of "Survivor" you can bid on items from the show. We are heading into our 22nd season of "Survivor." And we're doing it with a twist that will change the game. For 21 seasons, "survivors" lived by one simple rule: When someone is voted out, they're out of the game. Their shot at the money is gone. But that's about to change. This time, when someone is voted out, they're not going home. Instead, they'll be forced to live alone... on Redemption Island. When the next person is voted out, they'll be sent to Redemption Island as well. And the two will square off in a head-to-head duel where the only way to stay alive is to win. One person will survive long enough to re-enter the game for shot at redemption and the million-dollar prize. Those who voted them out may not be so happy to see them back. It's the biggest twist in "Survivor" history. Creating new obstacles, forcing new strategies. Who will have what it takes to outwit, outplay, and outlast all the rest? Find out this february. "Survivor: Redemption Island" All right, so let me explain how this works. This means that when the show starts, everybody knows here are the rules. When you're voted out. You're not out. You will go to Redemption Island. **** we have some former survivors, find somebody. Here, Ok, Cirie, very popular. So imagine it is Cirie's season and she's playing and she gets voted out and you think, "man, I wish Cirie were still on the show" She will still be on the show. She'll go to Redemption Island. She'll have the same supplies that everybody else has and wait for the next guy. Who else have we got? Rupert shows up. Now Rupert expert Cirie are living togheter in the Redemption Island. They get into a little duel, the winner is still on the show, the loser is out, and then we go and continue this on and on. I'm telling you, it's going to be good. Fabio is going to get a check for $1 million dollars tomorrow morning right on the "Early Show" on CBS. February 16... "Survivor: Redemption Island" You will love it. Congrats, brother. Way to go, man. Blankie me, blankie me Finn! I'll get your blanket dude. - Where is it? - Right here. - Why don't you just get it yourself? - Because I'm sick! Poor guy. Too hot! Oh man, Jake. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better? Soup me Finny. Soup flavored cure comin' on through. Do you feel better, now? Yes. - Once upon a time... - No! I already heard that story before! But you're heard all my stories before! Make me a new one Finn, a new story. Okay. Got it! - Once upon a time... - No! - What's the matter? - I don't want a made up story. I need a real story! Now you hang on, my friend. I'll be right back! Okay world, gimme a story for Jake! Jake, Jake! Check it out. This true story is going to totally cure you. Oh my gosh, what is it? First, the leaf fell off a tree. Oh but, wait, wait, wait. Spell out! The snail was on the leaf! The end. Oh no. That story just mad me feel thousand times worse. Finn, a story's gotta have excitement! Romance! Suspense! And it has to have a happy ending. But... I don't know how to make that stuff happen. That's okay buddy. Just... dig me a hole then. Actually, two holes. One for my guts, one for my face. 'Cause when I die, my guts are gonna blow outta my face. I am not gonna let that happen dude! Then go get me that story. And make it has all the things on this list. I will be back as fast as I can! I won't let your guts blown out your face! "Romance". That should be easy. Hey, how about you two, are y'all in love? Are y'all kissing in there? Maybe I should smoov out my approach a bit. Normal guy, forest guy, just like normal forest guy. So... So, yeah, can I... Can I watch you guys kissing? What? I just need to... for my friend. He's really sick and unless I tell him about watching you guys kissing... What a weirdo! You are one sick man, mister! Yeah, what this friend's name, huh? Jake! His name's Jake! Yeah, right. Sounds pretty fake. C'mon Boobafina, let's get outta here. Wait! I'll do anything! - Would you eat dirt? - I would for Jake! - Okay, now you guys kiss! - Man, what a freak. - Let's go. - What? No! Jake need this. Stop! Just c'mon. What? No! Gah! Wait! You see? No big deal. I can't believe you made me do that! I'm secretly in love with Mr. Goose. And now he'll never love me! Because now, I'm soiled. Oh no, oh no! I really did wanna kiss Boobafina. I'm secretly in love with her. Okay, sweet. No, no. It had to happen naturally. Now, she'll never love me. That wasn't smoov. But it's all worth it to save Jake. Whatever it takes! A good fight. - You wanna fight me? - Oh heck yeah! I've been waiting for this my whole life! Yes. Oh no you don't! You never let me do anything! - You killed him! - Mom! Quit touching' me! You killed him and now he's dead! He's probably not dead. I'm sorry, though, that you think he's dead! I don't wanna hurt aminals but... But Jake! Okay, okay what's next? "Suspense". Hey you, guys. You wanna die? Boys! Boys! Have you seen my boys? No! I can't do it! I can't keep messing with folks. But Jake needs me. But I can't keep messing with folks. But Jake's really sick! But I can't. But... But... But... Who threw... What's happening? Are you guys gonna eat me? You'll see. Hey, wait! This is really suspenseful! What is this? - This is the rite of forest justice! - Huzzah! Finn, the human boy, For your crimes against the inhabitants of the forest, you must enter the earth, and become one with the soil. Don't I get a trial or something? - No! Lower the cage! - Huzzah! I'm totes gonna die! And now Jake won't get his story. And he'll die too! 'Cause I still haven't a happy ending! Wait a minute! I may be busy dying but y'all need to get busy living! Y'all are living some unhappy lives! You, Boobafina. You love Mr. Goose! You just need to tell him. - What? - She loves you. Y'all just need to hook it up! I've been wanting to date you for years. - You really love me? - I do. And you, Mr. Fox. You need to face facts, man. Boobafina's not interested. It's time to move on. It's true... it's for the best. - And hey! Jerky teenage bear. - What? Your mom is right! You shouldn't go around fighting strangers in the forest. Mama bear! Your son's not a baby anymore! You should stop spanking him in the face. He's right. It's time to let you grow up. That's the stuff. - Huzzah! - And Mrs. Cow. Take that bag off your udder. You're a beautiful girl! You live in the forest. So why don't you let it hang out? Yo! Put that bag back on! - Huzzah! - Silence! Finn the human, for meddling in our lives and disturbing the order of the forest. - We thank you. - What! Our lives have improved since you came here. Does that mean you're gonna released me? Your cage is made of sticks, brother. Just kick it apart. Cool! I'm comin' for ya, Jake! With a story! And then, what's happened? And then, everyone in the forest was happy. The end. - What? What's wrong? - That's was perfect! - I feel a million times better. - Really? Yeah, yeah. The romance stopped my fever, the suspense cured my headache, and everything else cured everything else! I'm not sick! I'm not sick! Neat. Finn, come on! Dance the health dance with me! No, I'm good. You allergic to my health dance? No, I just feel bad. Finn, did you catch my sick? Yeah, I think so. Well, I know just how to make you feel better. Blankie, rubby, and best of all, A good story. Once upon a time... The end. Let's have the first man. He was an enormously talented man. I mean, a rather sort of brilliant man, but he was very, very anarchic. And he could just cause chaos by walking into the room. - I normally... - I'll sit on this one. LAUGHTER I think Norman was as big a star as we can make in Britain. Audiences just couldn't believe this extraordinary character. He used to work like a horse. He really always worked very hard. Oh, no, don't start me off on that. LAUGHS LOUDLY When we were at home, just in any situation, his timing would be spot-on. He can make a laugh from anything, really. He doesn't need a script. The cleverness...of movement and ability to trip over and not hurt himself, that's what's so clever, really. He was completely innocent, in a way. Children liked him. Everybody liked him. There wasn't anybody who didn't like Norman. He will always be remembered. I mean, who could forget Norman Wisdom? # I'm not good-looking # I'm not too smart... # On screen, we saw the master fool, a cheeky comic character with great musical talent and a physical prowess which made Norman Wisdom Britain's biggest and most bankable film star of the '50s and '60s. His was a natural talent. Norman's upbringing lacked the luxury of formal training. Indeed, it lacked any luxury at all. When asked about his childhood, he would always deliver an old music-hall gag. I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. Really, yeah. Behind the jokes lay a dreadful reality. Life was tough for young Norman and his elder brother Fred. Raised in this house in London's Maida Vale, in 1915, this area was poverty-stricken. More devastating still, at the age of nine, Norman's family was torn apart. His father, a chauffeur, was violent and neglectful. His mother felt forced to leave home. Norman's early life was quite hard because his father was quite cruel. His background was horrendous, a dreadful family life, beaten, punched and kicked and knocked about by his father. He used to wallop me and my brother and... But it did me good in a way because I remember on one occasion he picked me up - this is really true - and he threw me up and I hit the ceiling. Really true. And I came down and landed just by the sink which we had then in the drawing room and, um...it taught me how to fall, you know. Between the ages of 9 and 11, Norman and his brother lived more or less as street urchins. Attending school barefoot, they regularly stole food to survive. To be discarded by your parents at an early age... I mean, he stayed with his grandmother for a period. But, you know, you really are fending for yourself. Um...you know, it's... something that you wouldn't even dream about, really. He had it rough. He really did. I think that's what gave Dad the determination... to, you know, make something of his life and not continue sort of living like that. At the age of 13, Norman left school. He walked from London to Cardiff to look for work. He told me he went with a friend. I said, "How did you eat? Where did you sleep? It took you two weeks. "What did you do? What were the practicalities?" He said he took a sandwich and they just slept rough in a hedgerow. Before he knew it, he was a cabin boy on this ship, the Maindy Court, bound for Argentina. It was a hard life, but it was very helpful for the life to come. I learnt boxing, for instance. - Who taught you that? - The blokes used to be on the deck, all doing the sparring for exercise and so forth. I used to stand and watch 'em and one day, they said, "Hey, do you want to join in, son?" He spent three months at sea. Feeling proud of his achievements, Norman headed back to London to trace his estranged father. Norman, when he was about 14, decided to find out where his dad was. He went back to his grandmother and she gave him this address. He goes round and stands outside the house. He plucks up the courage and knocks on the door. A woman opens the door and he said... "Can I see Mr Wisdom?" She said, "Who are you?" I said, "Norman." It was his next wife. She said, "Come in. He'll be back from work in half an hour." I went in and sat in the lounge, then when he came in, I heard some chat between his wife and himself. He just came in and this is, on my word of honour, true. He just opened the door, looked at me and said, "Out!" And I went out and I walked down the steps. There were about three or four steps down. I stood in the road, he slammed the door, and I said, "I'll never see you again." And I never did. True. It was a short, sharp exchange and that was it. What can you say? I mean, it was "out" and that was it. How do you get over that? How would you get over that? And then, you know, years later, to go on and make the world laugh. Norman had no choice but to live on the streets. His regular sleeping spot, still popular with the homeless today, was next to the Marechal Foch statue. He was 14 years old. Salvation came in the form of the army. I was honestly sleeping rough just off Grosvenor Square. In doorways and all that sort of thing and hungry. At about half past two in the morning, I'd go to a coffee stall keeper. I used to just look over the shelf like that, sadly, and he'd push me a hot pie and a cup of Bovril. Really true. After six or seven nights of that, he said to me, "Why don't you join the army?" I said, "I can't get in the army at my size." He said, "You've got to do something. "Just go and try it. Kid 'em." And kid 'em, he did. 14-year-old Norman, just four foot ten and a half inches and five stone nine, enrolled as a bands-boy. Joining the army was the best thing he ever did. He had friends, he had travel and he had a bed to sleep in. His life changed completely. He'd had no home. He'd had no home life as such. Then he goes in the army and that became his life. The sergeant-major or whoever became his dad because he didn't really have a dad. And the other soldiers became his brothers, so he did love the army because he'd had nothing else. For him, it was absolutely marvellous because he had three meals a day and was looked after. It must have been finding mum again, I think. - Well, I tell you what, on my word of honour... - Yes. I owe everything of my good fortune to the army. It gave him so much. It gave him discipline and cleanliness, the music, the chance to go on stage. He learnt to horse-ride and do all that sort of stuff, so I can understand why he loved it so much. There was 14 boys and we all had different instruments. We got fed up playing the same one, so we had a go on the others, so gradually, I learnt to play the lot. Clarinet, saxophone, French horn, trumpet, drums, piano... That'll do. Five years of Norman's tour of duty was spent in India. He became the flyweight champion of the British troops in 1936. He had also discovered a talent for comedy. What made him realise that he could make people laugh was they were putting on a show and doing some sort of entertainment and he started doing a tap dance in his army boots. And they started to laugh at him because it just looked so ridiculous. In his head, he was thinking, "Oh, they're laughing at me." And that's where it all started. After seven and a half years, he demobbed to launch himself as a variety artist. His first significant booking was at the Coliseum, Portsmouth, in 1945. At the age of 30, he was still unknown, though he had invented the stage persona which would immortalise him, that of the little man in the over-tight suit which he called The Gump. Early 1947, I had been booked at a summer season at Scarborough. I was sharing a dressing room with a conjurer. We used to do a different show every week. I'd got the material for the four shows because I was only doing about 10 or 15 minutes each show. This conjurer was having difficulty with his last show. He said, "Norman, if I ask someone to come up from the audience to help me do the tricks, it could be you." I said, "All right." He said, "Dress scruffy." So I went out and bought a suit for 30 shillings and a cap for one shilling and when he invited someone up from the audience, I came up and it worked so well, we were booked as a double act. But he didn't want to be a double act. Neither did I. But that's how it all started with The Gump suit. This great Gump character that he created, this ill-fitting suit and the cheeky cap to one side, was this icon. I put Norman's Gump character in the same league as Chaplin's Tramp. It fits that comedy icon, the little boy lost that we all love. Norman was appearing all over the country as a supporting act. By chance, one of the biggest stars of the day caught his performance. # There'll be bluebirds over # The white cliffs of Dover... # I first saw Norman's act when I first came down to live in Sussex just after the war. And my husband and I were going to the theatre, a very small theatre in Brighton, to see an act that was top of the bill and we saw this little chap come on who wasn't very highly billed. I hadn't heard of him before. And he was so funny. He had me in stitches. And it takes a lot, really, to make me laugh the way that I laughed. I thoroughly enjoyed him and I thought, "I've never seen or heard of him before, "but he really is going to go somewhere." # We'll meet again # Don't know where # Don't know when... # And they did meet again. In 1947, Vera Lynn was at the height of her career. She was booked to top the bill at the Victoria Palace and at the bottom of the bill was Norman Wisdom. I was due to go on at a certain time and he was getting very nervous, because I was going on in the first half, closing the first half, which is a very important spot. And he was getting very nervous. I didn't mind what time I went on, so I said, "Would you like to swap places?" So he said, "Yes, could I, please? You know, I'd like to get it over." He received three ovations. Vera's generous act was the turning point of his career. I really didn't think any more about it. But then the first time I met him after the occasion, he reminded me, and every time we met, he reminded me. He used to say how much he owed me. He didn't owe me anything. Whatever he achieved, he owed to his own talent. Norman was about to become one of the top entertainers of the era. In the audience at the Victoria Palace was the agent Billy Marsh, the man who would launch Norman's career in films. Billy was one of the most respected agents in the business. He was with the Delfont Organisation. And Billy made a point of trying to make all these up-and-coming people into major stars - Morecambe and Wise, Bruce Forsyth and, of course, Norman. Billy also went across to America with him and really looked after his career and they became great friends. It was Billy Marsh who secured Norman's seven-year contract with the Rank Organisation. Norman's debut as a film star was in the 1953 release of Trouble In Store where Norman played a hapless shop assistant called Norman Pitkin. What on earth are you doing here? - Mr Freeman sent me. I'm the new window dresser. - You? How utterly grotesque! He became the biggest box-office draw and his films made more money than James Bond films in the early '60s. This whole Norman franchise came up around it, so Trouble In Store probably began the whole legend of Norman Wisdom. I remember him telling me about the night he became a star. I imagine Rank made his first film... ..you know, under sufferance and with a low budget and all of that. At the time, the Rank Organisation took a chance on Norman Wisdom. He was a recognised stage comedian, but films are a different beast. Apparently, at the premiere for Trouble In Store, he stood there with all these bigwigs, Earl St John, the head of Rank, coming in. ..being frightfully snobbish and just thinking he was some piece of dirt. I was too scared to look at the screen. I was watching the audience, hoping that they'd laugh and lucky for me, they did. After the film was finished, they were a different crowd of people coming out, the Earl St Johns. They were coming out and saying, "Norman, oh, Norman!" It's a very English story. The idea that he then became a film star... Sally! Sally, look, you forgot your handbag! Sally, you won't be able to pay your fare! You've got to stop! Stop! Trouble In Store broke box-office records. Norman received the British Film Academy Award for Most Promising Newcomer. He would go on to star in 17 further films. When the British film industry was going into decline, Norman kept the British film industry afloat. He made a fortune for the Rank Organisation. He kept Pinewood Studios going for nigh-on 15 years. Sometimes it was only him and the Carry Ons in there making movies, so it was a very important part of the industry, as well as making millions of people laugh. The film plots were based on recurring themes. The character, Norman Pitkin, the good guy, pulling through against the odds and always getting the girl. I think my favourite Norman Wisdom film is probably The Square Peg. I love army comedies and I love the great cast. Honor Blackman is a wonderful leading lady. # A square peg in a round hole # You're in the army now... # Try and get out! Here we are, miss. Why don't you look where you're going? Lunatic! I seem to remember that I was an officer in the army and at the beginning of the film, I'm based in England. And that's where Wizzy sees me and falls in love with me. He was the little Private. Wasn't he Private Pitkin? God knows how the army put up with him! I don't know. Mr Grimsdale, she saluted me. I think I'll have another one. 'There was one particular scene where he's just learnt to salute 'and he sees me coming along and he thinks how wonderful, he can salute, 'so he keeps running ahead and hiding round corners and everything 'to get the opportunity of saluting again.' I don't remember what my reaction was - a raised eyebrow, I should think. Haven't I seen you somewhere before? Yes, miss. Last time we met, I was in civvy street. Norman's character was often pitted against an authority figure, memorably played by Edward Chapman. A scenario which gave Norman his most famous line. Mr Grimsdale! - We're not here to give all the dogs of the neighbourhood free meat! - It was mostly bone, Mr Grimsdale. Good morning... Mr Grimsdale. Over the years, many fine actors also took on the role of the straight man. The late David Lodge appeared in many hits such as The Bulldog Breed and On The Beat. That's what you have to copy. When there's a comic and the straight man, the better the straight man, the funnier the comic, and he knew that. Years before me, he had Jerry Desmonde, who was not only a fine-looking man who was tall, but he had power. You've got to have that certain power for him to bounce off. By now, Norman had developed a skill for causing a riot on set. We laughed. I used to look forward to going to work. Now, Pitkin... One scene in the film On The Beat created a particular challenge. 'This man he was going to play, the crook, was very fay.' I had to teach Norman how to walk with his hand on his hip and do all the... And when we did it, because I had to do this, it was hysterical. As you put your foot forward, you let your weight rest on to it, - so that your hip swings out. - Oh, yeah. You then change feet, that is to say, you turn on the other one, transferring the weight in exactly the same manner. This you continue to do alternately... 'He walked behind me and of course, he tripped over 'and the producer took us both outside the studio.' And he said, "You two have got to get yourselves together. It's costing me so many thousands a minute." I said to Norman, "Look, you're a star, you can do this. It's my living, you know?" He said, "Come on then." I said, "Can you do it? Can you get through the scene?" "Yes." No, hand shoulder high! We came in. They said, "Right, action!" And we did it, and as we did it, we fell on one side screaming of laughter. And Asher was on the floor with a handkerchief in his mouth, but we got the scene. Oh, sir, he's fabulous! - Can I get my uniform now, sir? - By all means. Thank you, sir. We come to the fact that Norman was a little man with a giant ego, which is what I always think, but he was big in as much as he did what he bloody wanted to do. And nobody would ever tell Norman. 'He would do the most daring things.' - I heard the result of the two o'clock on the radio. It's exciting! - We're absolutely hysterical. 'Norman used to disappear.' We'd be out shooting on location somewhere and the director would say, "We'll get Norman now, we'll do scene 42." And they'd say, "Where is Norman?" Nobody could find him. They had megaphones almost in those days. They used to scream, "Norman!" He'd gone. He'd disappeared. I mean, absolutely... There is no other person I've ever worked with who would have got away with that. 'This is the BBC Home Service.' Throughout the 1950s and '60s, Norman was one of the nation's best loved film stars, seldom off the national news. He was also in great demand as a variety performer. Wherever he went in public, he would appear in character, demonstrating the remarkable dexterity which had long become his trademark. I thought he was a bit of a nutter, frankly, when I first met him. I think we all did, really. Certainly, if there's one pair of eyes watching him, he's performing. He just entertains instinctively. He... That's who he is. If you're there, he's got to make you laugh. One would call him a comic, really, a comic mover, an ability to look as though he was going to kill himself by falling over and he lands up like a cat does, you know, unhurt. The last time I had breakfast with him was about eight o'clock in the morning. I went down and Norman was just going into the restaurant. There was one step, so he did his little fall, got up. And he'd already been for a four-mile walk. Norman always maintained his fitness. And on camera, he endeavoured to perform his own stunts, however demanding... ..or bizarre. How do you stop it? Are you there, Mr Hunter? On one occasion, much to Norman's disappointment, a stuntman was booked to perform an ambitious scene. On the first take, the stuntman broke his arm. The film star cheerfully stepped in. The result, in the 1963 film A Stitch In Time, is pure Norman Wisdom. Pitkin will be disappointed he missed all the excitement. I remember holding myself, watching this scene. It was unbelievable. So... God, so corny, but the way he pulled it off, it was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. And it takes a lot for me to laugh out loud. It really, really does. But honestly, I used to just scream laughing at him, you know? I love him. I love the man. Good afternoon. What's he doing out of bed? He walked and jogged and rode his bike. This helped him with his act because he learnt how to tumble and fall without hurting himself. One of the lines he used to use in his concert was he just used to think of the money and he was OK. The big revelation I had about him was this thing of thinking he was a bit of a twit. He wasn't. And it was when you realised this, when you started to work with him and talk to him, you realised that although he was a sort of loner in a way, he was a very bright man... and was quite able. Probably from his background, he had to be. He had to be a bright man to cope. - What a delightful little fella! - BARKS LOUDLY Behind Norman's huge success lay a complex private life. Married briefly and divorced in his 20s, aged 32, Norman proposed to his second wife Freda on Bournemouth Pier. As a young army man, Norman had resumed contact with his mother. Though the family were rarely gathered together, here they all are - his mother Maud, his brother Fred whom he had lost contact with for 16 years, at Norman's wedding to Freda in 1947. Norman knew the value of forgiveness. Despite his troubled upbringing, he embraced Maud into his life. His mother and brother died in the same year - 1971. Freda and Norman had two children - Nick and Jaqui. Growing up with Norman Wisdom as your dad was as much fun as you might imagine. He wasn't really a disciplinarian. My mother was the disciplinarian, but she was never going to win because we'd have tea and he'd put the dog on the table. "The dog's coming to have tea with us." And she'd just sort of shake her head, you know. I can remember when I was little, my mum was taking me up to the flat in London, and I love After Eight mints. And Dad knew exactly what I would do because as soon as we got into the flat, I'd make a little beeline for the sweet tray in the lounge. And there is sitting an After Eight box. And I just open it up and on the top is a little note that Dad's written. It just says, "I'm watching you, Jaqui." The whole box went flying up in the air and I just ran out of the room screaming my head off because I was convinced he was hiding behind a curtain, so he did love to tease. To his children, he was both father and film star. They grew up watching him on the set, even managing to get in on the act in Follow A Star. I think it was 1959. I just played the piano. I pretended to have a piano lesson. Oh! Ow! Hey! Oh! Ow! HE PLAYS A FEW NOTES Well, that's all, thank you, Nicholas... It was very exciting going to Pinewood Studio. Everybody wanted to be on the Norman Wisdom set. THEY SING HIGH NOTE Very good. Mum said, "Jaqui, why don't you go along and sit on the stool in front of the piano?" So I said, "OK." And then they started, you know, "Action!" And Hattie Jacques came in. Judy! Judy, read this! 'But they'd actually muted the piano, so when you played, no sound came out.' I just went, "Mum, this piano doesn't work!" "Cut!" It's outrageous! I kept looking at Hattie Jacques. They had to cut again and they said, "Jaqui, try and face forward." The next time, I was staring right into the camera lens. "What's that?" So they wouldn't be hiring me again! NICK: He was a lot of fun, but most of the time, he was pretty normal. The minus side, we didn't see a lot of him. A life on the road also put great strain on Norman's marriage. In 1969, he was busy forging a successful career in the United States. He did films in America. He did Androcles And The Lion for Noel Coward. He also did Walking Happy on Broadway. And it was on Broadway, whilst he was working there, that he heard that his wife had gone off with another fella. My wife at home had found somebody tall and good-looking. I think if Norman had stayed in America, he would have been a big international star in the States too. But I think Peter Sellers eventually got that slot as the English funny man and the rest is history. We had normal family problems and I had to come back from America to look after my two lovely children and I'm glad I did. The man who had been abandoned as a child was granted custody of his own children. Their mother remarried, keeping in contact. Norman never married again. My mother left home and I was absolutely devastated. And, um... But he found a wonderful lady called Madge and we used to call her Magic because that's exactly what she was. And Dad made sure, because he was obviously still away working hard, that Madge was there to look after us and she really was a very, very special lady. He was a loving father at that time and, um... But I think probably I should have seen a little bit more of my mother. You know, she was a good woman and, um... You know, it was an acrimonious split. The BBC presents The Norman Wisdom Show. By the 1970s, Norman was a screen and stage star. But the pressure was now on to make it in television. # If I don't see a ribbon round the old oak tree... # He did some good shows in the '70s, just called Norman, Nobody Is Norman Wisdom, A Little Bit Of Wisdom for ATV, and they were successful, but not legendarily successful, so they're not repeated now. You don't see them on TV. I made sure that he was on every radio show we could get him on or television appearances. He didn't want to do them because he was Norman Wisdom and he felt, "Do I need to do this?" But I think with the public, you have to keep that profile high. # ..the old oak tree-ee-ee... # APPLAUSE That is all. Norman toured worldwide. And from the 1980s onward, he featured in cameo roles in some of our best-loved series like Bergerac. I'll see if you can pick him out, all right? We'll send a car round. - Yeah, all right. - Nothing wrong, is there? No, it's just that I haven't done anything like that before. This is a one-off, this is. And Last Of The Summer Wine. I'm an honest man. It has to be admitted. She needs a touch of work. EXPLODING SOUND The one big TV role he was offered, Frank Spencer in Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em, he had to turn down. Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em was written for Norman, but there were scenes in it where they wanted him to put his foot down the toilet and things like that, which he thought was lavatorial humour. I'm Mr Spencer. The wife's a bit tired, so I thought I'd try you. And consequently, he thought, "This isn't for me," because he was squeaky-clean at the time. And so consequently, he pulled out of it and Michael Crawford got it. Come back, Frank! Please stop me! That could have been the big sort of TV break. Off the back of the films from the '60s into the '70s and early '80s, he could have been doing this sort of comedy for the TV generation and he regretted that for ever. - # Honey, don't cry... # - Get off! But there were no regrets attached to Norman's role in a television play released in 1981. It cast Norman in a whole new light, receiving critical and audience acclaim. The BBC Playhouse, Going Gently, directed by Stephen Frears, featured Norman and Fulton Mackay as terminal cancer patients. Do you drink? Doctor's orders. And what do the wizards of the knife have in store for you? They're going to give me an exploratory operation. Fun(! ) How do you know? Tomorrow, they're going to make it a triumvirate. Jesus! We talked to a lot of people about being in it. Then his name was on a list. I said, "That's a rather interesting idea." I think this is a rather wicked thought. I think I thought that if you were dying and wanted a rather graceful death, you might well wake up and find that Norman was in the bed next to you. He was so disruptive and anarchic that any thoughts of a quiet, dignified, heroic death would immediately be destroyed. What's the matter with you? I can't understand you at all. - He wasn't such a bad fella. - Do you need help? - Probably not. I just said he wasn't such a bad fella. COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS Are you all right? 'I had to get up my courage to cast him.' I suppose I'd assumed that he'd be very good and he was very good, but I could see that I was using bits of him that people didn't normally ask for. During lunch, Stephen Frears said, "Norman, I want specifically for you to avoid doing any comedy." And I said, "Well, it's a straight play. He said, "Yes, I know, but I want you to avoid doing any comedy." I could see what he was getting at, but I couldn't help pulling his leg a bit. I said, "If I'm in a nightshirt..." He said, "You will be." I said, "There's certain comedy within the bounds of the play. "If, as I walk away from the bed having got out... "and I catch my nightshirt on the spring of the bed, "as I walk away, eventually, it will tighten up and pull me back like that "and I'll put my foot in the chamber pot underneath the bed..." And he'd gone pale. He would just send me up hopelessly. I asked him. And? - Not too good. - It never is. What am I going to do? Complain. Moan like the rest of us. How long have you got? They didn't say. But my guess is six weeks, maybe seven. For me, six. I've got to have longer. I've got to have more time. 'He just was very, very powerful and potent and expressive.' And that's always a pleasure. Certainly I didn't realise before that you could strip away all the faces and the agility and all that and just leave that little man underneath. He'd acquired a sort of wisdom by then. I imagine... I imagine that life had been quite rough to him in the previous 10 or 15 years. Going Gently won a BAFTA and established Norman as a serious actor. Even so, he continued to stay in comic character publicly and his ability to cause chaos in interviews was by now legendary. - I normally... - I'll sit on this one. LAUGHTER It is difficult to know what he's going to do, especially if you don't know him, because he can do anything, he can wind people up. He's got a terrible sense of humour. APPLAUSE It's good to see you. Come and sit down there. No, I meant over there. 'He could just cause chaos by walking into the room.' You could see people getting nervous and looking for the exits. He was very, very unsettling. Thank you very much. No, please, don't... Oh, blimey! Oh, good Lord, there's my back gone! Taking my life in my hands, because I admired Norman so much, I asked if he'd take part in an hour's special and he was brilliant. Interviewing Norman was hell. I mean, he was a brilliant raconteur. And he knew exactly how he was going to time every gag. You couldn't just ask him a question because he was going to tell you his way. Norman, still kissing the girls at 82? Still working at 82? Still making people laugh at 82? More than 82 girls! - I was speaking of your years. - Oh! - It's impossible to think of you... My ears are all right. It was extremely funny and the audience enjoyed the fact that he ran rings round me. He popped up all over the place. He was totally dangerous, unpredictable and always very funny. APPLAUSE As the cameras stop rolling on The Esther Show, Norman's antics continue. And the audience clapped. As the applause died, Norman leant forward, looked me straight in the eyes... ..and licked the end of my nose. A sensation I will never forget. It hasn't happened much since. Norman would often push the boundaries of protocol. Throughout his career, he was a firm favourite of the Royal Family, appearing at nine command performances and coming face-to-face with royalty on many memorable occasions. I had him working at St James's Palace once, but I had to lead the line-up for all the artists to meet the Duchess of Kent. Vera Lynn was on the show as well. I said to Norman, "If you stand next to Vera..." He said, "No, I'm not doing that." So he hid behind a big pillar until I'd introduced the Duchess of Kent to all the artists, then he jumped out on her and went, "Ohhh!" I thought, "You can't do that to royalty," but that's the way he is. He forgets that they are royalty. They're friends to him, so he just joins in the fun. He had me chasing round St James's Palace on one occasion. We were there at a tea party for the Queen Mother. She used to run these tea parties for ex-servicemen and he was there on one occasion. Of course, he was always playing the fool and he was chasing me round, trying to tweak my nose. But that was him. You know, he couldn't help but play the fool. When he went to get his honour, everyone was in this big room, waiting for the Queen to appear. Prince Philip said to him, "Hello, Norman, how are you doing?" He said, "Thank you, sir, fine." - Then all of a sudden, there was... - MIMICS SOUND OF TRUMPET You know, the trumpet going off. And Norman said, "What's that?" Prince Philip said, "Oh, that'll be the Queen." And Norman said, "Bloody hell, she can't half play that trumpet, can she?" For the first time in 25 years, the Queen is visiting the Isle of Man. Waiting to meet her was the island's allegedly most famous resident and royal favourite, Sir Norman Wisdom. Jennie Bond reports on today's gripping encounter. 'This was the Queen's first visit to the Isle of Man for 25 years 'and she took the precaution of wearing a sprig of its national herb, mugwort, on her lapel. 'It's meant to ward off evil spirits. 'It did not ward off the persistent attentions of Sir Norman Wisdom. 'Now 88, he's an old favourite among the royals who has performed for them at Windsor Castle. 'Taking the Queen firmly by the hand at a cheese stall, he invited her to pose with him for the photographers. 'Next he suggested she should try some of the cheese.' No, not now. '"Not now," said the Queen, showing him that she was being given some to take away. 'But Sir Norman wanted a longer chat. 'Ignoring royal protocol, he crept up and touched her on the arm, 'then took her hand and hung on and on.' I don't think the Queen will forget him. It was quite a surprise to me when I heard he'd given her a piece of cheese to eat. Terrible, really. I mean, who else would do that but Norman Wisdom? And who else but Norman Wisdom could achieve the status of a country's hero? His visual comedy has always appealed to audiences in eastern Europe, nowhere more so than in Albania. A lot of the dictatorship over there, especially in Albania, thought that Norman represented the downtrodden communist by the capitalist, which is untrue completely. The people were kind of subjected to a pretty awful regime, the only joy of which came when they saw maybe on a Sunday night the Norman Wisdom film. They were shown every week and it's kept going. For 30, 40, 50 years, they've just had Norman Wisdom and so he's so in their hearts, it's extraordinary. And in 2002, Tony Hawks saw a chance to win a bizarre challenge. I took on a wacky bet that I had to have a hit record somewhere in the world within two years because I'd had a hit record in 1988 with a song called Stutter Rap by Morris Minor The Majors. Somebody called me a one-hit wonder. I said, "I haven't finished my life. I'll probably have another hit." So I set off going round the world trying to have this hit and failed until I struck upon this idea of pure genius which was to involve myself with Norman Wisdom in Albania. Remarkably, Tony persuaded Oscar-winning lyricist Sir Tim Rice to write the song. So, Sir Tim phoned Sir Norman. I was excluded from that conversation. I rang him up and put forward this strange proposition that he should record a song for us which would be a Top 20 hit in Albania. And Norman agreed. "I'll do it. Anything you say. "Yeah, all right. Where? Albania? They like me there. I'll do it." We therefore wrote a song, Tony and I, called Big In Albania. Norman went along with this. He loved the idea. He came down to London and recorded it. The next plan was Operation Tour Albania. The morning we left at Heathrow Airport, Norman began the journey by running up the "down" escalator at 87 years old and going through the security cordon without going through the bit in the middle. He walked up the side of it. This was only six months after September the 11th and security was very high. Norman walked straight through it and into Sock Shop. He was always doing his act. But in a way, it wasn't his act. It was Norman being Norman. He just had this desire, this necessity to entertain. I'm amazed that in some places we went to, he wasn't shot! # From Scutari to Koritsa # From Gjirokastra to Berat # From Valona to Tirana # I'm really where it's at... # In Albania, everybody loves Norman. It was like a scene for Take That, but with an 87-year-old man. He got lost on at least two occasions, but always turned up. We just looked for a big crowd and there he was! The little shepherds and all these fellows with donkeys up the hill would say, "Pitkiny, we love you!" He was getting kissed by men, kids, boys, girls, all sorts of people. They just loved him out there. # I've made my name in many places # A thousand falls, a thousand faces # But nowhere's more devoted than Albania... # Miming superbly with Tim's daughter on backing vocals, his son on trumpet, Sir Tim was happy to perform on a plastic toy saxophone. We were all thrilled to be in the presence of somebody that my kids thought was as funny as I did. # As I wandered down this fine Albanian street... # I had this dream that if we were going to be a supergroup, which Norman Wisdom And The Pitkins clearly were, that we had to perform a stadium gig, so I arranged for us to perform at half-time at the national football stadium in Tirana. # I love Albania back... # Norman Wisdom And The Pitkins did not disappoint their fans. # I love Albania back... # The outcome of the bet was a rather happy conclusion in that the Albanian people in their 20s and 30s voted for us and we reached the dizzy heights of No.18 in the Albanian charts, so we all celebrated on the way back and Norman, of course, had had his first hit in Albania. Surely, that's everyone's ambition, isn't it? # I love Albania back Oh, I do! # For the last 30 years of Norman's life, he lived on the Isle of Man. It was a place close to his heart. He lived in a beautiful house. He designed it himself. He had these fabulous cars which he used to try and design. He had a huge, a massive ocean-going yacht which he designed himself. He just became like Lord of the Manor out there. I came here in 1978 to do a summer season at the Gaiety Theatre just down the road here in Douglas. I'd never been here before. I couldn't believe how beautiful the place was. And the time was coming where I didn't want to work all the time. Just semi-retirement, if you like. And so I got a place here and I've never been happier. Lovely. # I'd like to put on record that I... # Need you, need you, need you... # Throughout his life, Norman supported good causes, always putting his talents to good use, talents which were many and varied. # I love you # It simply means, my darling, that... # I love you. Well, he had a very lovely voice. Soft. And he knew how to get the best out of a song. And of course, this was an added talent for his work. And it was different too because it brought the comedy down and I think people enjoyed that as much as they did his antics. People don't realise what a great musician he is. He was incredible. Seven or eight instruments. PLAYS JAZZ MUSIC His passions in life - he loved golf. He was a great golfer, even though at his age, a lot of people were sitting in armchairs, feet up, watching the telly, but he was out there. He loved motorbikes, cars. We couldn't go anywhere without stopping at a car showroom. But even his friends would admit he had one or two unsettling character traits. He always used to eat and show his food, which was a bit... He would be forking the food into his mouth and he said to me, "Robbo, do you like seafood?" I said, "Yes, OK." He goes, "Naaah." Like that. "Sea"...food? LAUGHTER Quite often, he'd listen to his own tapes or films. He liked his films. He used to sit in the car and we'd go for a drive and he would sing to me. All the stuff he'd written. But that's the way he was. 'Norman Wisdom has become the great British clown, very much in the mould of Charlie Chaplin 'with his little man in the ill-fitting suit and cloth cap. 'He has the honour of being the national comedy hero of Albania and not many people can make that boast.' In his lifetime, Norman received many honours, including an OBE and the Variety Club Award. 'An outstanding contribution to showbusiness, Sir Norman Wisdom... 'Oh, here he goes! ' LAUGHTER I have to say how very grateful I am. As you did say, I've been 50 years in showbusiness now. - And you were wrong. - LAUGHTER It's nearly 55. And I'm very grateful to get this. Really, I am. I'm a very lucky little devil being in showbusiness in the first place. I've been a lucky little devil all the time because it's given me happiness. I've thoroughly enjoyed myself and on top of that, you get paid. Norman continued his career into his 90s. Aged 89, he played a fitness-obsessed pensioner in Coronation Street. At 92, he took on his last acting role in a film for charity called Expresso. BUZZING By now, Norman's health was in decline with Alzheimer's. He would still want to keep his finger in the pie a little bit and something like that was perfect because there were no lines. At that point, his memory was not that good. Of course, that's what Dad excelled in with the facial expressions and that perfect timing that he has. In his final years, he remained on the Isle of Man. His family, including two proud grandsons, took turns to look after him. HE PLAYS THEME FROM "The Snowman" Slower, Greggy. Very nice. Very nice. Hello there. It was just so nice to be with somebody that was always light and breezy and joking and Norman just didn't know how to be sad or unhappy. Oh, Norman! In 2007, the decision was reached to place him in a care home. But he was happy there. His family were really his life. And the way that he kept in contact and everybody would go and see him. I mean, he was very, very much a family man. All the family were present when he received the award he held most dear - a knighthood from the Queen in the year 2000. Sir Norman Wisdom, for services to entertainment. Sir Norman Wisdom's career spanned more than half a century in theatre, film and television. Wherever he went, Norman could be depended upon for one thing - to create laughter. Just a minute, Mr...? Pitkin. - Thank you, Mr Pitkin. - What for? You obviously don't realise, but you've just done something wonderful. - Me? - Mm-hm. I think he's continued the great tradition of the silent comics, the ones who provided so much genius for us on the screen, the sort of... the Chaplin little man. It seemed to me that his idea was life has been hell and let's make the most of every minute we have now. You're... You're joking? He just wanted to prove that he could be something in life and he was something in life. It's a very British story of class and snobbery and tremendous hardship. What we admire is something that we feel we can't do. And not many people could do what Norman Wisdom did. Dickens could have written about him. He's like a figure out of Dickens. But he was brilliant. I think his legacy will live on, actually. I think his films will always be there for people to see. There is one thing that no-one will ever be able to destroy and that is the love I have for my father. LESLIE PHILLIPS: I would say he's got more opportunity than most to be remembered. I don't think we'll forget Norman, somehow. # Some day maybe # My star will smile # On me # Don't laugh at me # Cos I'm a fool... # © © © P@rM! NdeR © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM Mobile - +919815899536 Say, Hey Lord Krishna. Hey Lord Krishna. "Chant the name of Lord Rama." "Chant the name of Lord Shyam." "Chant the name of Lord Krishna." Hail the Almighty. Lord Krishna. My Lord, my benefactor, bless me with your grace. Please do, God. How much more will you test me? Why am I being treated unfairly in this house? It's been three years. Three years since I received a contract licence.. ..from the government. I've been worshipping you for the last three years. Hey Lord Krishna, just one. Get me one big contract for bridge construction. If not that, then at least a small shopping complex. Okay, okay. If not that.. ..then at least a municipality bus-stand. Get me something good like that. I've been asking for the past three years.. ..but what have you given me? Only road and gutter contracts. How will I survive, Lord Krishna? Just think how I will live. Lord Krishna, if the municipality.. ..doesn't approve my bills on time.. ..how will I pay my workers? How will I pay them? Lord Krishna, yesterday my assistant Rangeela.. ..borrowed Rs.1000 from me. And today, that glutton says they're spent. Please tell Rangeela not to squander money like that. I'm a poor man, I'll be ruined. And yes, one more thing. Please tell my workers not to hog like demons. They've grown so fat. Hey Lord Krishna. Hey Lord Krishna. "Chant the name of Lord Rama." "Chant the name of Lord Shyam." "Chant the name of Lord Krishna." Hey Lord Krishna. Hey Lord Krishna. "Chant the name of Lord Rama." "Chant the name of Lord Shyam." "Chant the name of Lord Krishna." He'll never reform. - "Chant the name of Lord Krishna." "Chant the name of Lord Krishna." "Chant the name of Lord Rama." "Chant the name of Lord Shyam." "Chant the name of Lord Krishna." "Chant the name of Lord Krishna." He's again at it in the morning. We'll have to plug our ears with cotton now. As if Lord will shower him with His grace. The poor chap is exercising his voice-box, let him do it. But he should have good intentions.. ..only then will God heed his prayers. He thinks his biggest enemy is in this house. His elder brother and you two brothers-in-law. Sister Gayatri is absolutely right. Otherwise, we would've sold this house by now. Trigun, you would be shocked to hear the price.. ..contractor Jain quoted for this house yesterday. What's the use of saying that? Can you sell this house? Everyone else should understand that. Your ancestors were kings three ages ago. Now, we can't even make our ends meet. I have a suggestion. Hang this palace around your neck and sing devotional songs. You're sensible, so, why don't you explain to him? I've better things to do. I would prefer reciting 'Bhagvad Gita' (holy text).. ..to a buffalo rather than explaining to him. I feel ashamed to enter the municipality office.. ..because of my brother-in-law. Every work that he has done.. Everyone knows that it's all a fraud. And he wants me to conduct an investigation.. ..and tell everyone that everything's fine. The municipality isn't ready to clear his bills.. ..because of his bad work. And then my brother-in-law.. ..has filed a case against the municipality. I'm trying my best to get transferred from here. "Chant the name of Lord Rama." "Chant the name of Lord Shyam." "Chant the name of Lord Krishna." "Chant the name of Lord Rama." "Chant the name of Lord Shyam." "Chant the name of Lord Krishna." Ask him to stop venerating. And if he wants to eat, the breakfast is ready. He had some extra complaints for Lord Krishna today. Mother, brother's veneration is getting longer by the day. "Chant the name of Lord Krishna." God knows where his life is headed for. "Chant the name of Lord Rama." "Chant the name of Lord Shyam." "Chant the name of Lord Krishna." "Chant the name of Lord Rama." "Chant the name of Lord Shyam." "Chant the name of Lord Krishna." Get my bills cleared.. ..and I'll handle the rest, that's it. Hail Radhe-Krishna. Hail Radhe-Krishna. Hail Radhe-Krishna. Hail the Almighty. You were only fooling people until now. But now, you're trying the same thing on God too. Father, once I start, I can't stop. I get fully immersed in it. Really? - Yes. What did Lord Krishna say? Will he give you anything? It's beyond tolerance now. - What? Last night, your father couldn't sleep until 2am. Then ask him to sleep on time. Yes. But how can he sleep if you all keep partying all night? You all should remember that this isn't a bar. Mother, you too are.. - Look. If you want to entertain government.. ..engineers and politicians then why not take them to the hotel? Why bring them home? This house has some respect and honour. The school vacations will begin soon. Bring the children from the hostel. - That's fine. Listen. I've signed the completion certificate.. ..for the new highway. Did you receive the cheques? - No. I collected them yesterday. And I also paid everyone their commission. That chief engineer. He was asking for Rs.100,000 more. Why? We had already decided upon everyone's share. Yes.. - Wonder why that idiot.. Hail Radhe-Krishna. Hail Radhe-Krishna. Is there anyone in this city.. ..you haven't borrowed money from? Hey, cheat. I'm asking you. What is it? - What? He asked my peon Pandurang.. ..for Rs.10,000. That poor chap might never have seen Rs.10,000.. ..in his entire life. That's nothing great. It's been ages since I last saw Rs.1000. So? You're born only to defame the family. You have made the family proud, haven't you? That's it. But I would like to say one thing. Whoever I've borrowed money from.. ..be it Chaggan, Magan or Lagan.. ..but I haven't used any one of your names. Do you have a name of yourself? - Yes, I do. Name. Sachin Tichkule. Address. Madhurji Manor Rajwada. Ram Mandir, Pawar lane number 4, Taluka. Phaltan district, Satara, Post Box number 415523. Don't spoil my mood in the morning. Mother. Mother. - Yes. Give me boiled eggs. I want two. - I'll get it. Rao, why do you look tired? I've been working for Suhas for the last two-three days. I've to run around a lot. That's why. Yes, run around and earn money. Everything's fine until you're earning it the right way. Rao, where's your daughter? She's in Mumbai. I'm trying to get her transferred here. Because my wife is seriously ill. She can't walk without a stick. There should be someone to look after her. Uncle, coffee. Mother has asked you to come have breakfast. No, coffee is enough. - Hello, Uncle. Bless you, son. One day, I'll buy a Mercedes like this one. And you drive it. You're working for brother-in-law as of now. Tomorrow, you'll work for me. Of course. Why not? Earlier, I was your father's driver. Now, I'm your brother-in-law's driver. And tomorrow, I'll be your driver. Isn't it? "What's behind the top?" Get lost, you rogue. "What's behind the top?" Where were you, Brother? All the workers were working until seven in the evening. We haven't paid them their dues yet. I can't pay them every day. Tell them to collect their pay at the end of the week. Got it? - Fine. Boss. Listen, it's the last day of the week today. Understand it. If we don't get our dues by evening.. ..we'll stop working from Monday. No oxygen, goodbye patient. Similarly, no money no work. No, no. The work shouldn't stop. I suggest.. Hold this. Sell this and pay everyone their dues. Understood? Will that do for a week? Yes, we'll manage it until next Wednesday. What are you doing? What are you doing? - Working. Your father's procession won't be passing by here. How many times have I told you.. ..not to use gravel and asphalt in the middle? When the inspectors come for the inspection.. ..and they do not find gravel and asphalt.. ..then your bills won't be cleared. They always check at the sides and not in the middle. Just put tar coal here. If you don't put gravel and asphalt.. ..the cars will founder. Leave something for God. Just do as I say. If this road holds up for a year.. ..then we won't have any work next year. All the contractors in our country lead a happy life.. ..by remaking the same road repeatedly. Brother, what will happen to this country? What will happen to it? Let me achieve something first.. ..then I'll do something about the country. And anyway, are you the care taker of this country? Brother, the restaurant owner yells at us. He says, "You can't eat here until you pay up." Tell me, what should we do now? Hey you put the tar coal. And anyway, it takes two and half hours.. ..to go to the restaurant and return. Brother, if this continues.. ..then it'll take us two more weeks to complete this road. If you can arrange for everything right here.. ..then we'll cook our food here and eat it. That will save time and money. Meaning, savings. That's a good suggestion. Listen, I'm going to the municipal office. I've heard there's a new commissioner coming. If I don't pressurize him.. ..he won't clear our cheques. And remember, less of gravel and asphalt and tar. - Yes. And after that, flatten the tar coal softly. - Yes. Rangeela, go get your cycle. Let me tell you one thing, Rangeela. - Yes. Those who choose to live honestly in this country.. ..can't achieve anything. And people praise those who resort to betrayal.. ..treachery and smuggling. I'm not surprised to know.. ..that the number of ascetics is growing in this country. When hardworking people like me fail to achieve anything.. ..they become ascetics in the end. You're absolutely right, Brother. When I was in seventh grade.. ..I became a Naxalite for a brief time. - Why? My condition was similar to yours, Brother. I asked my father for money for an ice-candy.. ..but he refused. So, I ran away and became a Naxalite. Oh, God. Brother, we're in big trouble. - What happened? Money-lender Karodimal has seen you. Pedal faster. Faster. Faster. Faster. Is he alone? - No, there are goons along with him. There he is. Pedal faster. Faster. Pedal faster. Hey.. Stop, stop. So, are you tired of pedalling the cycle? Brother.. Mr. Karodimal. Oh, wow. You still remember my name. You haven't forgotten it. Such good memory he has. He still remembers your name. Sir, where will you be tomorrow? - Why? You won't go that way, won't you? No, I will come there. Is it anything special? Is it anything special? Special? I've to return Rs.130,000 to you. Don't you dare remind me of that again? Aren't you ashamed? You belong to a royal family. Your father was a judge. You've made up your mind to defame him. Why don't you stick to your words? Sir.. Leave all of you. Is he performing here? Leave. Go. - Yes, leave. What are you doing? Speak softly. You're humiliating me. I'm an esteemed contractor. I know what kind of a contractor you are. I've a suggestion. I'll bring the cheque to you as soon as I get it. What did you say the last time? "I'll repay you in three days." Three days. I said three months. - Three days. No, I said three months. - Three days, three days. Sir, I said three months. - You said three days. Come here, come here. - What did he say? Didn't he say three days? - Didn't I say three months? Didn't he say three days? - Didn't I say three months? Three days. - Didn't I say three months? - I don't know. Yes.. Why? Were you struck by lightening? Sir. - Yes. - Sir, come here. What's there? - Come here. Wait, you idiot. - Come here. Can't you speak in my favour? You both are driving me crazy. - What do I say? These people aren't going to pay you this way. I've an idea. - Tell me, tell me. Your daughter's getting married next week. So, should I get her married to him to get my money? Listen to me. There's a marriage, so, there's bound to be work. I mean painting, renovation etcetera. Give the contract to him. He'll use his own material. When he approaches you for the money.. ..tell him, "Deduct it from the money I lent you." At least, you'll recover that amount. He's absolutely right, sir. You've said something sensible for the first time. Fine, come on. Hey, penniless. What are you doing? What are you doing? If I give you work, will you do it? - Yes, I will. I've many junior workers. - Okay. Answer the phone. - Who's calling? You'll know that when you answer it. Who's calling at this hour? Yes, contractor Suhas Vichare. Harish. Harish. - Yes. Harish. - Coming, coming. Open up quickly. What happened? The bridge that we constructed over river Nira. - Yes. It collapsed with a bus. Many people drowned to death. Stop. Stop here. Stop here. Seeing the criticality of the situation.. ..the navy has been called upon. We still haven't got the exact number of the dead. The navy is still searching for those who have drowned. But the rescue operation is being held up.. ..because there's current running in the water. I said no one.. Few people were returning home in the bus.. ..after celebrating 'Navratri' (festival). There were 85 passengers. The idiots.. How many survived? - 65 people died on the spot. 20 were fortunate. Couldn't they rest at home for a day? Will they die if they don't do 'Dandiya' (dance form) one day? We'll say, "The bus was overloaded." "That's why the bridge collapsed." Have you gone crazy? - What? Does the bridge collapse.. ..because of an overloaded bus? Everything else is fine. But you should've filled adequate amount.. ..of cement and ore in the pillars? I agree I added less cement. But why didn't you fill it with enough ore? That was your responsibility. Yes, it's all my responsibility now. - Be quiet. Quiet. Accusing each other won't help. And you gave a certificate that the bridge is proper. Yes, so? There's an arrest warrant issued in your names. I'll handle that. I've given that ACP enough money. He has asked us to hide here. But how long can we stay like this? The bridge collapsed before.. ..the minister reached home after inaugurating it. Thankfully, it didn't collapse when he was standing on it. Do you know anyone who you can put the blame on? Your driver. - What's his name? Vishwas Rao? - Vishwas Rao. Can he be trusted? Brother, they're calling you upstairs. Coming, coming. You called me, sir? Uncle, come. Come. See this. Can one find a solution to any problem.. ..by acting so cowardly? What happened? Uncle, it's true that the bridge collapsed. Many people died. But he was committing suicide for that. Thankfully I stopped him at the right time. Or he was sure to die. Harish, what's wrong? What else could I do, Uncle? It was better than being arrested. My honour, father's honour, the family's honour.. I couldn't think of anything else. I swear on you. Uncle, please help us. Help? What can I do? Please take the blame upon yourself for our sake, Uncle. Just say that you planted a bomb below the bridge. That's it. What are you saying? - Don't worry. Everyone's under us. You will be arrested just for the sake of it. We'll bail you out.. ..as soon as the case reaches the court. And Uncle, you don't have to do it for free. You will get Rs.100,000 for it. I swear. And your daughter will be transferred in a jiffy. Rana has taken guarantee, ask him. If the police asks why I did it then what will I.. Uncle. Look, just say that you've been working for us.. ..since the past 30 years. But when you asked for a raise.. ..we refused flatly. And what did you get in return of working so hard.. ..for all these years? Only abuses. How long could you have tolerated it? One day, you lost your mind.. ..and blew up the bridge we constructed.. ..to frame all of us. That's all you have to say. What will I say if they ask me where I got the bomb from? Then you can say.. ..that you stole a bomb from the quarry . Can't you do that much for us? Uncle, you're a father-figure to us. I won't let anything happen to you. I guarantee you. I won't let anything happen to you. Go to the car, Uncle. And yes, tell the police exactly what we told you. Go. What will we have to do next? We need two witnesses who'll testify.. ..that they saw him near the bridge before it collapsed. Sir, there's Vishwas Rao. Hey, wait. Wait. Hey, come on. Come to the police station. But.. - Come on. We'll teach you a lesson. We got bail. Uncle, did they thrash you? - No, son. Everything's fine. When I confessed to my crime, they didn't thrash me. My daughter's transfer.. - What are you saying? You've done such a big favour to us. Can't we do such a small thing for you? No, son. I trust you. Uncle, I suggest you go inside and rest. Come. Switch on the fan and take rest. Barkya. - Yes. Get tea for uncle. - Yes. What do you think? This will end here? - Then? This problem is far more serious than you think. The relatives of the people who died in the accident.. ..are asking for an inspection. We aren't responsible for that. - Just for now. You don't understand what he's trying to say. If that oldie spills.. - He won't say anything. What if someone pressurises him? What are you saying? - I'm absolutely right. There're many brilliant lawyers in the court. If they ask him few weird questions.. ..this old man will spill the beans in the court. And if anyone sees him outside.. ..they'll behead him. People are furious at him. If they thrash him, he'll spill out everything. Oh, God. Oh, God. The problem has aggravated. What should we do now? What's there to be done? He shouldn't speak to anyone. What do you mean? We should silence him? - Yes. Sometimes you should resort to politics too.. ..just like we politicians do. What do you mean? I mean.. the people you see in politics today.. ..go missing tomorrow. Murder. If you allow me, then I.. Sir. I don't believe it. Rao can't do something like that. It's truly a conspiracy. There's surely something wrong. Father, it's true. He asked for twice the salary and we refused. And he said, "If you don't give me a raise, I'll quit." And we said, "Fine, go ahead." Father, why are we unnecessarily arguing.. ..when the police has said that he confessed his crimes? The police here will also dance for money, Brother. Some day, the truth will be out.. ..regarding who made them dance to their tune. Why did he say that? He's crazy, and so is what he said. Forget it. Hey, listen. This is a bigger problem than the bridge collapse. Call him. And do that properly. I mean.. check him. - Okay, sir. You know, these days anyone can be a human-bomb. Go. - Okay, sir. He's gone. All of you please sit inside. Tell me. - The bridge hasn't been blown up by a bomb. And the contractor's driver hasn't committed suicide. He has been trapped. The government has formed investigating committees.. ..to investigate that. They'll do the needful. I don't want to talk to you. My wife and children were in the bus.. ..that met with an accident. Now, I don't have a family. Look, I regret that. But family of the deceased.. - Will be compensated.. ..by the government. I don't want that charity. I'm not here for that. Don't try to cover up this incident.. ..and save the ones responsible. Punish them. That's what I'm here to say. Why the.. Dear, if you finish your work quickly.. ..then I can cook something for father. I'm almost done, five more minutes. Give that to me. I wonder why they're partying for. Mother, he's here to save my husband.. ..and elder brother from the bridge case. But if they carry out a detailed examination of the bridge.. ..then we'll be in trouble. There's nothing to worry about. Any officer who is appointed.. ..will do what we say. He'll write down whatever we tell him to. Anjali, come here. Come here. Brother, she's my sister-in-law. She's not that great in studies.. ..but otherwise she's good. Get her admitted this year in bed. B.Ed. The course where you learn to be a teacher. What is your name? - Say it. Didn't you hear? He just said it. Get some ice. Go. Get some ice. Go. Don't you know how to behave with guests? Go get some ice. © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM Keep it. Keep it. And go inside. Go inside. - We called her. She hasn't started drinking yet. Don't use the women of the house.. ..to entertain your guests. Why do you.. - Sit down. Sit down. Otherwise I'll kill you in front of your friends. - Sit. Sit down. The idiot. There's just one useless child in this entire family. © © © P@rM! NdeR © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ Thief. I won't spare you today. Who thief? I wasn't stealing. Are you crazy? I was just checking whether everything's in place or not. Give your excuses to father and not me. You've been hiding from father for the past three days. Who is hiding? Not me. Whenever I return from work at night, father is fast asleep. And when I leave for work in the morning.. ..he still remains asleep. It's not my fault. - Are you coming or not? Father! - Fine. I'm coming. Poor father promised me.. ..that this month he'll buy a dress with the money. But you took that money as well. And said that you'll return it in few days. Now, either return the money or buy me the dress. Come to father. Come on. Father, here's your culprit who has been evading you. Why did you take your glares off? Keep wearing it. Let your father see how you look. Wear it. Wow, wonderful. The umbrella, bag.. What is all this? Like a fortune-teller on the streets.. Buy a parrot. Sit near the street. And I'm sure you'll earn much more than you do now. You borrowed the money from me.. ..saying that you'll return it in an hour. It's been five days. I neither saw the money nor you. The municipality.. the cheque.. I've lost that money as well. But don't think I'm useless. Sooner or later, Sachin Tichkule.. ..will become an influential contractor. And Father, I've learnt all the tricks of the trade. You don't need to learn them. God has bestowed them upon you since birth. My fate has changed since last Saturday, Father. Now, you'll see me climbing new heights of success. Tichkule and Tichkule Company Road Roller. Tichkule and Tichkule Constructions. Tichkule and Tichkule Company Trucks. We won't have enough space at home.. ..to keep these things, Father. Do you know that? Will you do a favour to me? - Of course, Father. I will. Tell me. Take my name out of Tichkule and Tichkule. I don't want any of the curses people shower you with. But Father, you'll be proud of me one day. Get lost from here. Spare my loin-cloth. What else? Can.. can I borrow Rs.100? I'll return it in the evening. He'll never reform. Take a look there. Look, the groom's family will be here any moment. - Yes. Have all arrangements been done? - Yes, everyone's ready. Nothing will go wrong. Sir. - Yes. It seems they've arrived. - Where are they? Slowly. Can't you drive slowly? Sir, sir. Sir, where's the groom? Take the garland back. Can't you see? Are you blind? It's the useless workers of Tichkule. Let's go inside. - What should we do? You get the things down and get it inside. Collect your rent later. I'll pay you later. Carefully. We're having the pre-marriage rituals today. - Yes. So, be careful with your paints and polish today. - Yes. Don't make a mess. - Not at all. And how long will you take to complete the work? It'll take at least five days. - Five days? Hey, you do your work. Carefully. - Look. - Yes. There're invaluable things all around the house. So, be careful. Sir, I've the best workers in the world. They're always careful. Quiet. Quiet. Sir, they'll be careful. What did you break? Bottle? - Curse you. What can I do? The lower portion of the box gave away. I will kill you. - What? I begged the shopkeeper to lend me three bottles of polish. What will we do now? Sir. - Yes. They're here. - Who? The groom's family. Hurry up. Clear the glass. I don't want to see this mess here. Clean it. What did you tell him? Five days, it'll take five days. Are you going to pay the expenses? The work should get over in two days. Got it? Hello. Hello. This is my respected father's picture. I start my morning by paying my respects to him. The famous artist of Bengal Sudhir Sen.. ..made this picture. We paid Rs.100,000 for this picture at that time. It's priceless now. Why did you leave it? How did this break? - Father. It fell down. - I know that. God, what should I do with you? You broke it. Idiot, you broke my clock. Do you know how expensive this is? Chintan. - Coming. Sir. Look at what he has done. He broke my clock. - clock. We'll have to recover the money from him. Sir, how much would this watch cost? It belonged to my grandfather. - We're saved, Brother. It isn't expensive, it's an old watch. It was worth Rs.50,000. Listen. Get the dowry money. - Yes. Coming, coming. Chintan, don't let him go. Tell the gatekeeper not to let him out. - Yes, sir. I won't spare you. I didn't drop it, Brother. He did. You idiot.. where is it? Wait. Wait, you idiot. What have you done? I didn't do it. You did. Clean it quickly. I'll keep a watch, you clean it. - Fine, Brother. I'll do it. Is someone watching? I'm keeping a watch. I'll clean it gently. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up, someone might come. Hurry up.. What happened? He spilled colour and ruined all the sweets. And look at my condition. It's 'Holi' (festival). It's 'Holi.' Don't mind, it's 'Holi.' - Idiot. Idiot, have you made up your mind.. ..to ruin my daughter's marriage? Brother. - What happened? He has lost consciousness. It's been years since he lost it. Did you realise just now? Take this idiot to the hospital. If he dies here, I'll be held responsible, Sir, it's best that he dies. Sir, just two minutes are left for the rituals to start. The propitious hour is passing-by. What a bad luck. Hell with the sweets. Get my daughter ready for the rituals. - Yes, sir. Get lost from here. They were here to decorate my house. Instead, they ruined it. Idiots. Brother, I need money. - What for? We'll have to admit him to the hospital. I have a few million in my pocket. Do you want it? Do you want it? Throw him out on the street. The municipality van will pick him up. Otherwise, I'll have to pay for his last rites as well. Go on. Stop, stop. Stop. Basmati (long-grained) rice. Manage this for a few days. You should've brought it for a week. I stole it from home. Why are you crying? Has your mother's obituary been printed in the papers? Brother, Shilpa Shetty got married. Why should we cry? That's her fate. Get on with your work. Go on. Shilpa Shetty got married. How's everything going? We have rations, but not a place to cook. I should search for that as well. Am I the broker of this village? There's space in that house for cooking? But the lady of the house refuses. Don't worry, I'll convince her. You can't. - Do you want to see? Yes, I do. Hello. You might not have seen me.. ..but must have surely heard about me. Sachin. About Sachin. Sachin Tendulkar? - No, Tichkule. The owner of Tichkule and Tichkule Company. The municipality bus-stop worth three million. Was constructed by me. Satyam Housing colony. Worth 100 million. Was built by me as well. Tichkule and Tichkule Company is world famous. Oh, contractor. That's what they say in Hindi. But we don't want to construct anything here. I'm not here to ask for work. I'm not a beggar. In fact, I've so much work.. ..that I'm falling short of workers. Do I look like a worker to you? No, Sister. Actually, I take good care of my workers. My workers are like my God. They slog all day. If they don't get to eat at the right time.. ..they'll get exhausted and stop working. We have all the rations. All we need is some space in your house to cook them, Sister. Some space. But my manager said that you refused. I will have to ask my husband. - Sister. Think of me as your brother-in-law. The workers will be relieved. They'll bless you. Please, Sister. Please. - Okay, okay. You're under my oath. - Fine, fine. But wrap it up quickly. How long does it take to make pilaf, Sister? They'll finish quickly. You'll have no problems, I swear. - Fine. Thank you very much. We just need your blessings. "Wherever I go, I see her there." "There is fragrance in the air." "You are in my mind and conscience." "You are in all four directions." "If anyone hovers around you.." "..or takes your name affectionately.." "To hell with him!" "If anyone stares at you or casts an eye on you." "I will make him pay." "To hell with him." "You are mine." "You're my dream." "If anyone tries to steal my dream.." ".. I'll openly say to him." "To hell with you." "You are in my mind." "You are my bird." "You are an angel from heaven." "Dream girl. Mohini, Kamini." "I dislike anyone looking at you." "One day, I'll steal you from the world." "Even if the angels meet you, it makes me jealous." "Morning, noon and night only I get to see you." "My message for anyone that's jealous of our love." "To hell with him." "If anyone stares at you or casts an eye on you." "I will make him pay." "To hell with him." "I am crazy in your love." "There can't be anyone else." "You are mine, I am yours." "To hell with the others." "Wherever I go, I see her there." "There is fragrance in the air." "You are in my mind and conscience." "You are in all four directions." "You are in my mind." "You are my bird." "You are an angel from heaven." "Dream girl. Mohini, Kamini." "Why does the breeze brush against your body?" "Why did the sunrays shine on you?" "If they fell in love with you.." "I'll take up enmities with them." "You are mine and if somebody tries to talk to you.." "To hell with him." "To hell with him." "If anyone stares at you or casts an eye on you." "I will make him pay." "To hell with you." I said you won't be able to convince that wretch. But you were being adamant. What now? They've agreed. Then why do you look so sullen, Brother? I've a headache. I'll be back tomorrow. I'm going home. "I'm feeling so cold." "My beloved.." Rangeela. - Yes. You didn't buy salt. I forgot. How will you cook now? Now, eat without salt. I don't care. Here. All you need is salt, isn't it? - Yes. I'll get it right away. - Quickly. Put the vegetables to cook. Madam. Little salt. I forgot to get it. I've kept tea. - Yes. Thank you. "You're so gorgeous." "You're so gorgeous." There's such a beautiful girl in the kitchen. Get back to work. Boil the water. You won't know what beauty is. Here. There's so much filth around. Fool. - Who is it? Idiot. - Hello, Uncle. I'm not your uncle. Idiot. How dare you peek inside the bathroom.. ..when women are bathing? ! I just wanted some onions. - Onions? In the bathroom. Idiot. What happened? Why are you beating him? Who allowed him inside the house? Brother. Only to cook food. Now, I will cook him. Fool. Idiot. What are you doing? Idiot, I won't spare you today. What happened? What happened? Get out. Run. Run. Run. Brother. Run. Wait. Wait. Wait, you idiot. Forget it. - Leave them. Forget it. - Lets go. Brother, stop it. - Let's go inside. Wait, you idiot. Stop. Stop. Stop. What happened? No one has eaten the entire day. - Why? That wretch's husband thrashed everyone.. ..and threw us out. And poured kerosene in the food, Brother. I understand who's behind it. You didn't do anything. I would've been thrashed as well if I hadn't intervened. But I won't spare them. Now, I'll show that wretch who I am. No, Brother. It's that idiot. Her husband beat him up. I know everything. And did he beat you without a reason? There wasn't any reason, Brother. He abused your parents and thrashed me. You should've thrashed them as well. I thought of you and stopped. Come out. Come out. Who is it? Send that fatso out. Send the demon who thrashed my workers. Tichkule's workers mean everything to him. Get that? A single tear in the eyes of my workers.. ..is enough to incur my wrath. Hey, mister. - Don't you dare say anything! Be quiet. Send our brother out, or I'll barge inside. Get out of here. I haven't come here to leave. Your husband has abused my workers. And I will exact revenge. I shouldn't have allowed them inside in the first place. I'll stab you with this rod. Firstly, you beat up the workers.. ..and then you utter nonsense. Hey, mister. We should've thrashed him some more.. ..for his perversity. I'll blind you. Call your brother out. I'll talk to him. I don't talk to women. We men will discuss this. Then come back when he's at home. That idiot isn't at home. Tell him that contractor Tichkule.. ..is going to break every bone in his body. And I'll burn him down to ashes.. ..and the entire village will brush their teeth with it. Tell him that. And yes, you can inquire with the villagers. Those who have locked horns with Tichkule.. ..never lived to tell the tale, understand. Come on. Get up, Brother. Get up. - What happened? Looks who is here. - That's okay. The police are here. - Police? He barged inside my house. Misbehaved with the women and abused them. Didn't he do anything to you? Had I been at home, I would've broken his bones. We should've thrown him out of the house long back. Harish. Your motherly emotions are at play today. I heard that when the bridge on Neera river collapsed.. ..you and father accused me for it. But if he does anything, that's fine. It's his innocence. This is going to be one confused case. He'll be booked under many sections. Barging inside the house. Attempt to rape. He'll be behind bars for a long time. It's a lie. This fatso thrashed my worker. - I did. And I will thrash him again. Your workers are so cheap and disgusting. They were peeking inside the bathroom.. ..when women were bathing. What will you do in a situation like that? Kiss them? Couldn't you do that after my death? Father, I.. Come on. I want to see if honesty still prevails in this country. And I know who is behind this. It's her. For the first time. For the first time, the police have come to this house. They would've come earlier. But you always bribed them and escaped. I don't have money, so, I'm stuck. Let's go. - Come on. Hey, get back. Sit at the back. That's just for the sake of it. The driver is seated here. Please sit down. Come. You try to act smart with me? Don't let him escape. Don't worry about me, Mother. Boil the eggs. I'll be right back. Let's go. Is father asleep? Why did you do such a thing, Brother? What did I do? I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't do anything. How will I go to college now? Listen to me. Listen.. The rapist is here. Don't say nonsense. Why? You can do it, and we can't even speak about it. Come on, let's go. No need to listen to him. Listen to me.. Mother. Mother, let me explain to you. I swear I didn't do anything like that. I swear on you.. - You do such things that.. Listen to me, Mother. I didn't.. Brother, listen to me. Brother. Mother, ask the maids to lock their doors. There's a wild man in the house. Listen.. Father. Father. Father, I agree that I don't have any money. But I won't ever do such a cheap thing. I mean it, Father.. - Useless, you can stoop lower. Because you were born on an eclipse. Unfortunate. The highway project is worth 3000 crore. We paid 500 crore to the minister to acquire it. 200 crore towards the party fund. If you give everything to the ministers.. ..what will we be left with? Nothing. Look, Mr. Sinha. According to the plans, this highway is straight. But if we benefit from it.. ..we'll divert this road towards the pond towards your land. We aren't earning as much as you think. What nonsense. We know how much you make and how? Anyway, forget it. When we divert this road towards the land.. ..which you've bought from the farmers.. ..by duping them and paying them only Rs.1000 per acre.. ..it will cost Rs.20,000 per acre. That's why we suggest you.. ..to give us only five percent of your profits. And we'll do this work for you. Listen, that is too much. Look, we aren't doing this for you. We're doing this only for Sanjay Rane. Understood? Why does the government construct roads and highways? So that people travel and carry goods faster. And the country progresses faster. Now, if we divert this road towards your land.. ..then you'll benefit from it. So, if you're benefiting from it.. ..then let us reap some benefits as well. If we benefit, the country will progress. Who cares about the country's progress? We're the country. So? Stop, stop. Stop. Reverse it, reverse it. Yes, stop. Hello, Anjali. Are you going to the college? - Yes. I'm heading in that direction as well. Come, I'll drop you. No, I'll take the bus. - Come on. No, it's okay. - Come, come. Come, I'll drop you. - Leave me. What the.. Let's go. What happened, Anjali? - Nothing. That's fine. I've discussed everything with the minister. Your issues will be presented in the next assembly. What are you doing for tomorrow's rally? We've made the preparations. You're working on it. Hello. What are you doing here? I needed to talk to you about something important. Not in front of everyone. - Yes. I'll be right back. Come on. It's a big thing. You saved my brother. No, it's my duty to do social service. But that doesn't mean you can flirt with my sister openly.. Hold her hands. That isn't social service, isn't it? Harish Tichkule isn't her only brother. Sachin Tichkule is her brother as well. And whenever a hooligan tries to flirt with a sister.. ..her brother has some duty. And that duty is this. Get up. I know what your business is. Hooliganism, murder. But don't try to use them on me. Or I won't spare you. And don't be too stubborn. Don't forget that I've nothing to lose. And your politician brother.. ..is trying to create a political image for you. But when the people outside find out.. ..that you were beaten up for flirting with girls.. ..your image will be tarnished. Don't tell anyone anything outside. And I won't tell anyone that I slapped you, understood? Don't say anything. Comb your hair. Do you have a comb? Take it out. That's fine. Look smart. With a smile, take your glasses. We'll go out with a smiling face. We're friends. Friends. Come, come. You do remember everything, don't you? We were discussing an important issue. So, I apologies for the delay. Okay. Okay, goodbye. Goodbye. Sir, the rally.. - Quiet. Get out of here. Do anything you want for the rally. I don't care. What happened? You scoundrel. You were born to defame me. © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM Why do you peek at women through holes? I was just seeing whether she was a woman or not. This scoundrel peeks at women taking a bath. And lies to me. Makes false excuses. Yes, Brother, we wanted to tell you about this before. He's a real pain for us women. He always asks "What's behind the blouse?" It's your grandmother. If you ever stare at any woman again.. ..I'll blind you. And also if you look at your mother. Get lost from here. Meet me somewhere.. Look the other way. Everyone back to work. Hey fatso, come here. Do you have money? - Money. I've. 20 paise, will it do? No, I've to pay the workers for their food. We had opened an account at Ram Bharose hotel. But he closed it because we didn't pay him. Later we opened an account at Shiv Shakti eatery. But he stopped it from today. How much do you have to pay him? - Around.. 3000. 3000. I've a gold waist chain. It's my own. I think it will do until next week. Gold chain. We can manage almost a week with that. Give it. - Just a minute. It's inside the underwear. Is this your waist chain? - Yes. My parents gave this to me when I was born. I just stole it from mother's cupboard. We can manage only three days with this. Only with half the rations. Manage it for three days. - Fine, sir. Did you hear, Brother.. ..the new municipal commissioner has arrived today. That's great. I'll go see him before the others defame me. And collect my cheque. - Yes. She forgot her way. Hey, come here. Come here. - Yes. Listen. - "What are you hiding in there?" Let's go. © © © P@rM! NdeR © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ Hey, listen. - I heard that the new commissioner has arrived. - Yes. Let me meet him. - I'll have to ask. Just go inside and praise me. Just say nice things about me. That's all, okay? Will I get something? - I will. Go inside. - Fine. Go, I've done your job. I owe you, I'll pay you later. Contractor Sachin Tichkule, come in. Mr. Tichkule, you might know.. ..that this country attained freedom 62 years ago. Yet some people are living below the poverty line. Do you know why? Because of people like you. That's hampering the progress of this country. The roads and public buildings of this country.. ..are not means to earn money. Mr. Tichkule, do you want to take a seat? Sit down. I'll sit down, madam, you continue. You've built three bridges at M.G. Rd, Bhagat Singh Rd, Station Rd. You bribed some engineer.. ..got your work done and got your bill cleared. But a heavy bullock-cart passed on that bridge.. ..before you could encash that cheque. The bridge and the bullock cart fell in the drain. That's why we stopped your payment. And you approached the court. You might win at the court.. ..but tell me are you doing the right thing? Ganpule madam, how long have you been at this post? Why do you want to know? - I want to. You wouldn't talk like this if you had any experience. In this country a municipal commissioner.. ..is not a very high-ranking officer. Listen, madam, keep the pen down. Let me explain. The expenses to build the bridge was Rs.100,000 And from that I've to pay Rs.25,000.. ..to the party that runs the municipality. I've to pay around 10-15,000 to find out the tender amount. If I find out the tender amount.. ..I've to shell out another 10,000 for the contract. Then I've to give 15,000.. ..to the engineer for the completion certificate. 5000 to ready the bill. And a similar amount to the accountant for my cheque. Adding everything amounts to 75,000. And I'm left with only 25,000. And you want me to build a strong bridge in 25,000.. ..and help in the progress of the country. And what will I get in return? Nothing. I don't want to mortgage my father's watch.. ..and my mother's nuptial necklace.. ..to build the bridge and help in the progress of the country. Before you tell me the duty of citizens, let me tell you. Take a look outside. There's a stack of files outside. There's dust on it. If you manage to clear half of it.. ..you'll realise how many are dead.. ..and how many have committed suicide. People like you encourage corruption for your own benefit. So appoint honest people. Dismiss these corrupt people. Let me tell you, madam. Only dishonest and cheat people can live peacefully.. ..in this country. I don't want to argue with you. I don't have anything to do with what you're saying. I just want to say that the municipality.. ..is short on funds. That's why you should withdraw your case. Fine, return my cheque. That will take some time. Then how will I survive? If you don't withdraw the case.. Don't try to threaten me? I don't understand one thing. How can you stoop so low? You were a follower of Gandhi.. ..and used to talk about justice and righteousness. What happened to that? Justice to the teacher, down with the management! Teacher's been framed, the management is the culprit! They accepted bribe and then defamed the teacher! My dear students. Last year the management fired three teachers.. ..stating that they're over-staffed. And the same story is being repeated this year as well. And this time our teacher Gita Bhosle is being targeted. Two years ago she gave money in the name of donation.. ..and got this job. She even mortgaged her house to give the money. And now they're being fired stating that.. ..they're over-staffed. This exploitation should stop right now. We should together revolt against this. Our revolution will mean non-violence and peace. We've to come together and get her justice. The principal has given a warning.. ..that if we go on strike we will be punished. That's why I say that all the students should unite as one. Then ask the management to rusticate all of us. You talk to all the students. I'll go talk to Gehna and ask her to explain all the girls. Okay. Talk to her only about that and nothing else. - Why you.. Gehna, wait, wait. - You carry on, I'll be right with you. Okay. How did you like my speech? By looking at your eyes I can say that .. ..you didn't sleep the entire night. What do you mean? This is bound to happen.. ..if you keep memorizing the speech all night. The I suggest that you write the speech.. ..memorize it all night and say it in the morning. I don't want to be a leader. - Oh no, I don't want to be a leader too. But I'll always be the first to lead.. ..a struggle against injustice and dishonesty. My father is a follower of Gandhi. And I will follow that path as well. Help me out in explaining the other girls. The girls ruin the strike every time. Everyone has a different point of view. Each one things differently. Sachin! - Coming. They don't allow me to talk peacefully. - Okay, bye. Listen, I'll drop you home in the evening. - Okay, bye. Okay. Look after yourself. Tell him about it. Hi, what's going on? The management is completely shaken. Most of the students have agreed on not giving the exams. That's good news. Now when the university questions the management.. ..they won't have an answer. So the management will have to fulfil our demands. But there's a problem. What happened? A group of girls want to give the examination. That'll be a problem. If any student gives the examination.. ..the other students will follow him. And our strike will be ruined. And do you know who's first? - Who? Your love, Gehna Ganpule. No, she won't. I will talk to her. Gehna. Gehna. Gehna. Yesterday I restricted you from giving the exams. Sachin, I can stop attending class.. ..but not the examination. That's my right. - No, you cannot go inside. Everyone knows that you love me. So you can't humiliate me like this. How can this be a question of honour? Some like studying while some don't. If I don't give the exams I will suffer the loss. I don't belong to a wealthy family like you. My father has worked very hard for my education. If he asked why I didn't give the examination.. ..then what will I say? Because of the strike? - No, for principles. What principles? Those who run this country don't have any principles.. ..then why should we students be concerned about principles? I'm going in the class. If you go inside the class.. ..all these girls will follow you inside. That's not my problem. That means you won't listen to me. - No. I said I can't go inside. - I will go. I said you can't go. - I will go. I alone can't change this country. I only care about how I can make my ends meet. There are other ways to survive. You look fit and fine. You can be a farmer. Become a porter. Sell fish. These are much better job then what you're doing now. Shut up, don't speak nonsense. Mind your tongue. Don't try to threaten me with your post. I'll take this case ahead. I'll approach the supreme court if required. I'll have this municipality office dug and turned into a pond. And you'll be swimming in it. We'll see. - You can see. Hey, file. Who ate the pilaf? Who will pay the bill? Many girls come to the eatery, isn't it? Scoundrels. He'll ask for his fees. - Sachin I'll be right back. - Sachin. Who was that? I was just thinking about you. You'll live for 200 years. Tell me. The court was supposed to pass its verdict on the case today. You didn't attend it? That's why I was coming to see you. What happened? We lost. - No, Sachin Tichkule won the case. No. - Yes, the municipality accepted defeat. I don't believe it. And Sachin Tichkule triumphed. Yes. What the.. I don't believe it. - Me too. It's the first time. - Quiet. Their lawyer said that don't have money. So the judge asked them to handover their road roller. My road roller. Happy days are here. Listen everyone. Come here, come here. Come here, Vaishali. Come here. We're going to have our own road roller. We won't have to borrow it from anyone now. My fees. - Yes, yes. Now Tichkule will be famous like the Tata's. T for Tata. And T for Tichkule. Tata Tichkule. My roads will be like concrete as well. Fees. Forge him, Brother. This is the time to celebrate. So call the villagers and make merry. "What behind the blouse?" "It's the colour of celebrations." "Play the band. Keep playing." "Everyone's celebrating. Keep celebrating." "Whether that's the right path, or is this the one.." "But I won't stop." "It's the colour of celebrations." "Play the band. Keep playing." "Everyone's celebrating. Keep celebrating." "Whether that's the right path, or is this the one.." "But I won't stop." "Everyone seems lost." "The heart sways." "The news has spread far and wide." "You've achieved a big feat." "Everyone seems lost." "The heart sways." "The news has spread far and wide." "You've achieved a big feat." "The wealth's here, everyone will get their share." "Everyone will be broke." "There'll be a huge commotion right now." "Whether that's the right path, or is this the one.." "But I won't stop." "Beloved, everyone knows.." "Take a look at me." "The sun looks just like a lamp." "The past is forgotten with the night." "Let's start anew." "I've done what I wanted to." "The boy will smile and so will the girl." "Pandu will dance, and so will Dhondu." "He will sway and so will she." "Whether that's the right path, or is this the one.." "But I won't stop." Father, give me your blessings. Where are your feet? Father, give me your blessings. What are you going to do now? I promise father.. ..that one day he'll speak proudly of me. And that day has arrived, Mother. The road roller of Tichkule and Tichkule company.. ..will be arriving in this house. And those who would mock me.. ..better know that Sachin Tichkule has begun his ascend. Father, give me your blessings. If he sells that road roller before it rots.. ..at least he can repay his debts. If you don't have a good face.. ..God says that he should say good things. I'm going for a good thing. Its better that you don't jinx it. Father, give me your blessings. Just a minute. Father, give me your blessings. First bring it home then I'll give you my blessings. Why should I waste my blessings? Good thinking, father. Mother. Mother. Keep the veneration platter ready to welcome me. Yes. - Fine. I'll get the road roller. - Yes, leave. Take only my photo, just mine. - Fine, fine. Fatso. - Yes. Listen to me. Get hold of a cheap painter.. ..and get Tichkule and Tichkule company written on it. Come on. And in red. - Red. Come on. - All the formalities are complete. You can take the road roller now. Fees. I don't have any problem with any of you. But tell your superior officers.. - Fees. Not to play games with S.R. Tichkule. Did you see what happened? Did you see what just happened? - Fees. How I got possession of this road roller? Similarly, if anyone tries something similar with me.. ..then I'll take the entire.. building under possession.. ..and write Tichkule and Tichkule company on it. Understand. - Fees. This is a government office. Don't create a racket here. I was only expressing my feelings. Do that at home. Take the roller and get out of here. The total expenses includes your bail at the police station.. ..was Rs.11,000. Rs.5000 for the bribe. Rs.300 was the food. Is this yours? Is this yours? Move your leg. Move your leg. I've a suggestion take a mattress an lie down on it. Get out of here. Get out. Get out. Total bill 8,900. And there are other costs. Rascal, I asked you to break the coconut and not my back. What can I do when you came in between? Give it here, I'll break it. Here, you break it. God, save it from any evil eye. Why you.. Hey, you think you're too smart. if I.. The coconut slipped from my hands. Please leave and get a new window affixed. I'll have the money sent to the station. Let's go. What the.. Let's go. Brother-in-law, you didn't come to see the possession. It wasn't a musical show that I should be watching. It's a fitting reply to everyone who thought I was lazy. Come one, come all. Come and watch the possession. Come and see how the common man won.. ..and the municipality lost. Come. Madam. Madam. Madam. I'm taking your road roller. You should be ashamed. Any Indian won't do such a cheap thing with his country. Madam, who is an Indian here? You will find Americans in America. Germans in Germany. Frenchmen in France. And Englishmen in London. But in India you will find Marathi, Punjabi, Gujarati.. ..Bengali, Malyali, where's the Indian? In this country there's only one place.. ..you'll get to see patriotism.. ..and that's during the India-Pakistan match. And you won't find patriots anywhere else. Everyone wants to earn money. Lead a healthy life. And that's all. Goodbye, madam. And yes, it's a great coincidence.. ..that you joined post here when I started ruining the municipality. You lost the case and were defamed. And I apologies for that. Please forgive me. Okay, madam. Okay, goodbye. The total comes to.. - Give the key. Have a seat. Give me the key. - Brother, you can't drive this. You can't drive this on a car licence. You need a different driver and licence to drive this. Do you know anyone? Brother, I know a driver. He's my neighbour. Shall I get him? Go get him. Go quickly. At first, I asked everyone for Anshuman. But they said, "There's no Anshuman here." There're many Anshumans here. They'll tell you if you ask for award Anshuman. Award Anshuman? - Yes, there's a story behind it. Have you heard it? - No. Do you know the valley? - No. Girgardan valley. Girgardan valley? -That valley is like.. I was going towards the slope.. ..with a road-roller as big as three elephants. And the road was covered with snow. The road-roller would sway about. To this side and that side. And there was a ravine on both the sides. If you look down, you'll feel like you're sitting in an aeroplane. What are you saying? It's true. Those who walk on that path tie a parachute. Do you know why? - No. Why? -Why? If someone falls today.. ..he'll reach the bottom three days later. And suddenly, the brakes of the road-roller failed. Then the roller started swaying. But I didn't let go. One mistake and it's all over. I swear the engine was running like a rocket. And I couldn't stop because there was ice. And then? - Then an idea struck me. I stuck my hand on the steering wheel and spun it. The road-roller.. What happened? You must have fallen off the road-roller. Who says that? The people were screaming. The road-roller struck the tree. The tree fell in the ravines. And the road-roller stopped at the side. On the side. Balanced like this. Balanced. The people were watching. And I carefully came at the sides. Then the PWD minister.. awarded me. Right there? Not there, he awarded me after three-four days. I see. He visited my home and awarded me. Patted my back. And said, "Anshu, you aren't Anshuman but Hanuman." He must've said that looking at your face. Are you mocking me? - No, no. I'm lying. - No, no. No, I'm lying. No, no. Not at all. - No, I'm lying. - No, no. You don't believe me, do you? Turn the cycle. - Yes. Go find someone else. Just a minute. Just a minute. - Get lost! We believe you. Come on, come on. Turn the cycle. So, this is it? This turned out to be much more timid than I expected. Timid. It seems this boy has grown old. What kind of a man have you brought here? Timid. Boy, what is he saying? Pass me the keys. Give him the keys. Here.-Give it with your right hand. - Here. Total expenses.. - I know, I know. Total expenses are Rs.10, 452.55. And Rs.99 was your rickshaw fare. Correct? - You remember. Yes, I've a record of what I've to give and take in this. And once this thing starts chugging on the road.. ..I'll pay you every cent. I'll have your money sent to your office. I'll fix it right away. - Okay. Hey, fill some diesel. I just filled it with diesel. - Then there's surely no problem. I'll fix it right away. Hey, Loadkar. - Yes. Pass me the screwdriver. - Yes. Give it quickly. Here. I'll fix it right away. - Yes. What's the problem? I don't see anything. Hey, fool. If this thing starts up.. ..it'll flatten you like a pancake. Move aside. Move, move. Idiot. Where do we have to go? Give me the address. Give me the address. I'll ride it too. - Move. Move, all of you. Get down, get down. - Let's go. Idiot, get down. None of you will get to ride it. All of you will follow me on foot. Okay. Only I will ride it. Understood? Let's go. Why did it stop? - Just a minute. I'll ride it. Come on. Why do you switch it off whenever I climb up? Where did you get him from? This thing stops the minute you climb on it. Bad luck, get down. Get down. I'll fix it right away. Yes. - Move aside. I'll fix it right away. Now, I know what the problem is. There's a problem with the spark-plug. Loadkar. - Yes. Pass me the wrench to open the plug. - Here. Oh God.. Oh, God. What the.. I've become completely black. You weren't fair when you came here. What's wrong? - The gear-box has broken down. I'll fix it right away. "I'll fix it right away. I'll fix it right away." You've been saying that since you came here. When will you fix it? Have you heard of Girgardan valley? I'll tell him that story later. - Tell him. Do you work? - What story is it? Now, I know what its real problem is? - What is it? We'll have to take its gear-box out. Gear-box. That will take time. Then pick up the roller on your shoulders.. ..and carry it like a dead-body. Stop it. Tell me what I need to do. Call the mechanic and get the gear-box out. Do as he says. - Fine. Listen, get the welding machine along as well. There are few holes that we need to plug. Brother? - Do as he says. Do you want anything else? Order for few cups of tea, fritters and pilaf. The tyre pressure looks right to me. But if we can take the tyres out.. ..we may find out what the problem is. I think it's best to dismantle each part and transport it from here. Loadkar. - Yes. Open up the engine and check.. ..whether there's a mouse inside. I've checked. - See there. Gangya, take a look whether it has a carburettor. The idiot.. Hey, why are you shining the light on your face? Do you want me to give you a shave? Are you in a saloon? Get lost! Get lost! Point the light there. Excuse me. Just a minute. - Yes. Check properly. What do you want? Nothing. It's 4 o'clock in the morning. How long will it take? I'll fix it right away. I just found the problem. That's all I've been hearing. "I just found the problem." Why don't you sit on my lap? © © © P@rM! NdeR © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ Hold that. You haven't taken it away yet. Did you say something? I said you haven't taken it away. Would it still be lying here.. ..if I had taken it away? © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM © P@rM! NdeR M@nkÖÖ TM This is your property. - Yes, it is. And now, it's standing on our property. If you don't move it right away.. ..then I'll be forced to charge you rent. Order away. - Brother. I'll have it sent. - No, Brother. No, madam. We'll move it right away. And if you don't.. ..then I'll charge you Rs.10,000 a day. -Why just 10,000? - Brother. I'll send a million. Your problem will be solved. - Brother. We'll seize the road-roller if you don't pay the rent. That's enough. Try and do it. - Yes, I'll see too. Fine, go ahead. - Brother. Brother. Are you scared? And if you can't move it.. ..get some wood, burn it and immerse the ashes in Ganges. At least, you will earn some merits. Oh God.. Get down. Since you arrived you've been saying.. "I'll fix it right away, I'll fix it right away." When will you fix it? - I can't guarantee that. If you don't trust me.. ..then pay me Rs.5,034 and allow me to leave. Rs.5,034? What for? For making a mess of it? Not for making a mess.. ..but to open up every part, understood? Who asked you to open it up? Who asked you to open it up? - See that. Who asked you? - See that. It's my mistake. - No, it's my mistake. No, it's my mistake. - No, it's my mistake. No, it's my mistake. - No, it's my mistake. Just a minute. Look, don't create a scene here by arguing with me. This thing's a real pain and so are you two. They came to me, they needed me. Isn't it? What's done can't be undone. Get this thing out of here at any cost. Ask this madman to fix it and get it out of here. Who did you call mad? Who is mad? I'm mad. - Who did you call mad? I'm mad. - No, I'm mad. No, I'm mad. - No, I'm mad. No, I'm mad. - No, I'm mad. Just a minute. Just a minute. There's just one way. What? Should I carry it? Brother, we'll get an elephant to tow it. I can't endure anymore expenses. - No. I can't endure anymore expenses. - No. I can't endure.. - Listen, listen. We don't have any other option. I'll go get an elephant. Don't fight. Elephant. Heave-ho. Heave-ho. Heave-ho. Careful, careful. Heave-ho. Where did you get this elephant from? You could've at least brought an elephant from the circus. Hey come on, move! Hey, stop it! - What's going on? Hey, stop it! Hey, stop it! Hold his leg! Pull him! Give me the cycle. Give me. Hey, try to stop this. Move aside. Move aside. Stop! Stop! Stop! Take this. - Stop! Where is it going? Let me die. Stop that thing. Let me die. A very good.. What's the score? If we had little more speed.. ..we would've crossed over to that road, I swear. Shut up! - Why did you.. They see that.. Brother. Brother, get up. Brother, get up. Why are you adding to father's troubles? What happened? Did you demolish someone's home? Yes.. when? I don't know when and where? Take a look outside. There's a fat man standing with the police.. ..creating a ruckus. I was just thinking why the police took so long. I suggest you go stand out.. ..I'll be right there. Come on. Come on, quickly. I'll settle all the scores with the police today. Look. A decent man can't live peacefully. Come on. I'll teach them a lesson. I'll teach them a lesson.. - Brother. Brother. That they'll never find me. Brother. Brother. Father. Father. Father. Brother leapt over the wall and fled. - Fled? He has lodged an attempt to murder case.. ..against your son. I'm ready to apologise on his behalf. No, apologies won't work. You'll have to pay him compensation. I'm ready for that as well. Fine, you'll have to come to the police station for that. Just.. just.. just a minute. I fail to understand if he really is your son. I do understand that.. ..God has created only one of his kind. And then destroyed that mould. Brother. Mother is calling, come eat your food. I don't want to eat. You didn't bulldoze their house intentionally. And father has paid the compensation as well. Come on. I had a bad name but not a blemish. But after sending father to the police station today.. ..I've done that as well. Whenever I try to do something right.. ..it always goes wrong. Just think that you're going through a bad phase. Everything will change. And one day, my brother will become very famous. And everyone will be proud of you. My heart says that. Now, come and eat. Look, if you don't eat then I won't either. Which vegetable is it? Ganpule madam, can I come inside? - Yes. Madam, Tichkule wants to convey some of his grievances. Madam, the municipality has made some mistakes.. ..and so has Tichkule. But I don't bottle up my grievances. Because that's not my nature. Excuse me. - I'm busy. Tichkule is busy as well. But I seized the road-roller because the court asked me to. I didn't do it to vent my anger on the municipality. What do you want from me? Please carry out the inspection and.. Pay the rest of my money.. My workers are very poor. I can't do anything. Go talk to the engineer. What did she say? - She said I should talk to the engineer. But he won't agree. - Of course he will. Didn't I tell you? Grease his palm. But will he take it from me? He'll accept it from anyone. I just saw Bhooleshwar here with a big bundle. Yes. - And he returned empty-handed. How? But how do I do it? Give him whatever's in your pocket first.. ..and then talk to him. Brother-in-law, can I come inside? - No. Okay. Brother-in-law, for a minute forget that.. ..we're brother-in-law. Don't remind me. The commissioner has asked me to talk to you. What is this? - Bribe. Bribe? - Is it less? Take this too. Who told you that I accept bribe? Who told you? The.. - Did you come here to slander me? The commissioner asked you to inspect my road, that's all. Call the police. I'll have you arrested.. ..for trying to bribe a government officer. Hello. - But, listen to me.. He was caught accepting bribe. - Disconnect the phone. Disconnect the phone. - Call later. What's this commotion? Madam.. - I.. This rascal says.. - I.. That you suggested him to bribe me. When did I say that? - Lying. Everyone heard it. Did you hear? - Yes. - Everyone heard it. Call the police right now. This man is a real pain. I don't want the police to come here. Take your money and leave. Don't let him inside again, inform everyone. - Okay. But there's Rs.100 less. It's in your pocket. Get out of here. Where did you throw it? - It's down there. It's all there. This corrupt man is your relative? It was my bad luck, madam. I didn't know that he belonged to that family.. ..otherwise I would've never accepted the alliance. Father, we're already facing so many problems. And on top of that, that spoilt-brat.. ..is defaming our family name. That's why I was suggesting that.. ..we get Anjali married as soon as possible. I was thinking after Anjali finishes her study this year.. By letting her complete her studies, allowing her to work.. ..and using that money for making your ends meet.. ..won't benefit you in anyway. This boy loves Anjali. And also likes her. And what do you know about Sanjay Rane. He's no ordinary man. Any rich family will be ready to give their daughter's hand.. ..in marriage to him seeing his fame and honour. The money that I had is over. Now it's your duty to handle her responsibility. We'll do as you please. Brother. What's this? Did you buy a rickshaw? - No. So what's this? Rickshaw fare, Rs.250. From now on you'll go on the cycle to get food, go on. I won't go on the cycle, Brother. - Why? I can't reach the pedal. Then you'll walk all the way. Come on, get lost. You're not feeding us here.. ..but you will invite us for the feast, won't you? What feast? - Your sister is getting married.. ..and you didn't even invite us. Who told you? - The printing press owner. I met him in the bus. He said that he's printing the marriage cards. Your sister is getting married to Sanjay Rana. Don't you know? Here. Go and wash your hands, son. I want to talk to you two. I don't have money, I quarrel, people abuse me.. ..all that's fine. But I want to know am I not your son? Isn't Anjali my sister? If she is then why do I learn from outsiders.. ..that she's getting married. Why can't you two tell me? Tell me. Son, your brothers-in-law and your brother have.. You're getting her married to a man.. ..that's a hooligan and a murderer. Stop lecturing. We don't need a brother.. ..that only has feelings towards her sister. Your ancestors left this house for me. I'm just a namesake king. I never earned a penny by wrong means. Whatever I got after the retirement.. ..I used it to get my daughter's married. And you squandered away whatever was left. But, Father, money isn't.. - It means everything. That's my experience. Your brother and your brothers-in-law.. ..have immense wealth. Their children study in big schools. And they spend lavishly when they come here for holidays. They live a better life, son. Your mother is a maid here.. ..and my opinion doesn't have any value here. If we don't listen to them.. ..then Anjali will never get married. But, Father, did you try to find out Anajali's opinion. I don't wish to know anything. The only thing I have left is this house. And my last wish is that I can die peacefully here. But, Father.. I'll do as you say. Go get the money.. ..and get your sister married wherever she wants. Those who don't have a penny.. ..shouldn't talk about principles. Eat something, go. Sir.. Sir.. - What is it? Sir, I want to tell you something. What? I want some money. Why? Last night my mother fainted. I took her to the hospital. Corporation hospital. They said, they'll have to operate her. One minute. Hello? Hello? Yes. Renuka. What will you send in lunch? Don't send rolled bread, but send rice to me. Okay. One minute. Don't disconnect. Hello, Mr. Ramchand. Yes, tell me. I've got your list. I'll check and see if I have these things in the shop. Don't disconnect. One minute. Gopi, just see if these things are available in the shop or not. Hurry up. Tell me soon. Yes, your mother fell unconscious. Yes, she fell unconscious. I took her to the hospital. She has to be operated. They said they want 5 bottles of blood. When I returned.. ..after buying 5 bottles of blood from the blood bank.. ..they said that I'll have to deposit Rs. 5000 on the counter. When I wanted to pay Rs. 5000 on the counter.. They want small nails.. but we have bigger ones. Okay, we don't have small nails. - No. Hello? Look, we don't have small nails, will big nails do? How will I mix nails in the rice? Oh Renu, it is you? What are you doing with Ramchand? Do one thing, send egg curry with rice. Okay? And.. don't disconnect. Hello. Look, we don't have small nails, but we have egg curry. Hey.. Mr. Ramchand. Please, forgive me. I mean, we don't have small nails, will big nails do? Fine. It will do. Yes, don't disconnect. Sir.. Your mother fell unconscious. When? - You said, last night your mother.. Sir, sir.. my mother fell unconscious. Oh, your mother fell unconscious. - Yes. I took her to the hospital. I didn't have Rs. 5000 to deposit, so I called my friend.. He said he has only Rs. 4000. So, I told him to give that. We have 10 liters of paint box and don't have 5 liters, will it do? Okay, I'll ask him. Sir, my sister is getting married. I want money, please. Okay. Wait a minute. Hello Ramchand.. We have 10 liters of marriage and don't have 5 liters.. ..of marriage, will it do? Who spoke about marriage? You said you want to get your sister married. I told my sister's wedding. You said it? Sorry. Sorry. - Paint. We have 10 liters of paint box, will it do? Okay. Don't disconnect. I'll tell you right away. Okay, send it to them. Yes, your mother's wedding. My mother fell unconscious. I spoke about wedding. Is it your mother's wedding? Not my mother's but my sister's. Just now you said your mother fell unconscious. My mother fell unconscious. I took her to hospital. You two can stay here plotting. So, the young Duke of Crowborough is asking himselfto stay. And we know why. You hope you know why. That is not at all the same. You realise the Duke thinks Mary's prospects have altered. - I suppose so. - There's no "suppose" about it. of course, this is exactly the sort of opportunity that will come to Mary ifwe can only get things settled in her favour. - Is Robert coming round? - Not yet. To him, the risk is we succeed in saving my money but not the estate. He feels he'd be betraying his duty if Downton were lost because of him. - Well, I'm going to write to Murray. - He won't say anything different. Well, we have to start somewhere. Our duty is to Mary. Well, give him a date for when Mary's out of mourning. No one wants to kiss a girl in black. Oh, do stop admiring yourself. He's not marrying you for your looks. That's if he wants to marry you at all. He will. I think you look beautiful. Thank you, Sybil darling. We should go down. They'll be back from the station at any moment. Hmm. Let's not gild the lily, dear. And Mary, try to look surprised. You all ready? Very well. You should go out to greet them. - And me, Mr Carson? - No, Daisy, not you. Can you manage, Mr Bates? Or would you rather wait here? I want to go, Mr Carson. Well, there's no obligation for the whole staffto be present. - I'd like to be there. - Hmm. Well, it's certainly a great day for Downton to welcome a duke under our roof. Remember to help me with the luggage. Don't go running off. I'll give you a hand. Oh, I couldn't ask that, Mr Bates, not in your condition. How long do we have to put up with this, Mr Carson, just so I know? Welcome to Downton. Lady Grantham, this is so kind of you. Not at all, Duke. I'm delighted you could spare the time. - You know my daughter Mary, of course. - of course, Lady Mary. And Edith, but I don't believe you've met my youngest, Sybil. - Ah! Lady Sybil. - How do you do? Come on in, you must be worn out. Oh, Lady Grantham, I've a confession to make, which I hope won't cause too much bother. My man has taken ill just as I was leaving, so I... Oh, well, that won't be a problem, will it, Carson? Certainly not. I shall look after His Grace myself. Oh, no, I wouldn't dream of being such a nuisance. Surely a footman... I remember this man. Didn't you serve me when I dined with Lady Grantham in London? - I did, Your Grace. - Ah, there we are. We shall do very well together, won't we... - Uh, Thomas, Your Grace. - Thomas. Good. - Hope you had a pleasantjourney. Mmm. - Bates, are you all right? - Perfectly, my lord. I apologise. Mr Bates. - That's better. - Please, don't feel sorry for me. What shall we do? What would you like to do? - I think I'd rather like to go exploring. - Certainly. Gardens or house? Oh, house I think. Gardens are all the same to me. Very well, we can begin in the hall, which is one of the oldest... No, not all those drawing rooms and libraries. Well, what then? I don't know. The... The secret passages and the attics. Well, it seems a bit odd but, why not? - I'll just tell Mama. - No, don't tell your mama. But there's nothing wrong in it. No, indeed. I'm... I'm only worried the others will want to join us. Mary's settling him in. Cora, don't let Mary make a fool of herself. By the way, I'll be going up to London next week. Do you want to open the house? No, no. I'll just take Bates and stay at the club. - I won't be more than a day or two. - I see. Are things progressing? What things? It's just a regimental dinner. It's a pity Bates spoilt the arrival this afternoon. He didn't spoil anything. He fell over. It was so undignified. Carson hates that kind of thing. I don't care what Carson thinks. A message from the Dowager Countess, my lady. She says she won't come to tea, but she'll join you for dinner. Oh, Carson, I hope you weren't embarrassed this afternoon. I can assure you the Duke very much appreciated his welcome. I'm glad. - Is Bates all right? - I think so, my lord. It must be so difficult for you, all the same. Don't stir. Do you realise this is the first time we've ever been alone? Then you've forgotten when I pulled you into the conservatory at the Northbrooks'. - How sad. - No, I haven't. It's not quite the same with 20 chaperones hiding behind every fern. And are you pleased to be alone with me, my lady? Oh, dear, if I answer truthfully, you'll think me rather forward. I don't think we should pry. It feels rather disrespectful. Oh, nonsense. It's your father's house, isn't it? You've a right to know what goes on in it. Where does this lead? To the men's quarters. With a lock on the women's side. - Only Mrs Hughes is allowed to turn it. - Mrs Hughes... And you. - And here? - A footman, I imagine. - Should you do that? - Why not? I'm... I'm making a study on the genus "footman". I seek to know the creature's ways. Someone's coming! - Can I help you, my lady? - We were just exploring. Were you looking for Thomas, Your Grace? No, as Lady Mary said, we've just been exploring. Would you care to explore my room, my lady? of course not, Bates. I'm sorry to have bothered you. We were just going down. Why did you apologise to that man? It's not his business what we do. I always apologise when I'm in the wrong. It's a habit of mine. The plain fact is Mr Bates, through no fault of his own, is not able to fulfil the extra duties expected of him. He can't lift. He can't serve a table. He's dropping things all over the place. On a night like tonight he should act as a third footman. As it is, my lord, we may have to have a maid in the dining room. Cheer up, Carson, there are worse things happening in the world. Not worse than a maid serving a duke. So you're quite determined? It's a hard decision, your lordship. A very hard decision. - But the honour of Downton is at stake. - Don't worry, Carson. I know all about hard decisions when it comes to the honour of Downton. Don't I, boy? William, you mustn't let Thomas take advantage. He's only a footman, same as you. It's all right, Mrs Hughes. I like to keep busy. It takes your mind of fthings. What things have you got to take your mind off? If you're feeling homesick, there's no shame in it. - No. - It means you come from a happy home. There's plenty of people here would envy that. Yes, Mrs Hughes. - Will that be all, my lord? - Yes. That is... Not exactly. Have you recovered from your fall this afternoon? I'm very sorry about that, my lord. I don't know what happened. The thing is, Bates, I said I'd give you a trial and I have. If it were only up to me... It's this question of a valet's extra duties. You mean waiting a table when there's a large party? That and carrying things and... You do see that Carson can't be expected to compromise the efficiency of his staff. I do, my lord, of course I do. Might I make a suggestion? That when an extra footman is required, the cost could come out of my wages. Absolutely not. I couldn't possibly allow that. Because I am very eager to stay, my lord. Very eager, indeed. I know you are. And I was eager that this should work. You see, it is unlikely that I should find another position. But surely in a smaller house, where less is expected of you. It's not likely. I mean to help until you find something. I couldn't take your money, my lord. I can take wages for ajob done. That's all. Very good, my lord. I'll go at once. There's no need to rush out into the night. Take the London train tomorrow. It leaves at 9:00. You'll have a month's wages, too. That I insist on. It's a bloody business, Bates, but I can't see any way around it. I quite understand, my lord. I'm afraid we're rather a female party tonight, Duke. But you know what it's like trying to balance numbers in the country. A single man outranks the Holy Grail. No, I'm terribly flattered to be dining en famille. What were you and Mary doing in the attics this afternoon? I expect Mary was just showing the Duke the house. Weren't you? - Are you a student of architecture? - Mmm, absolutely. Then I do hope you'll come and inspect my little cottage. - It was designed by Wren. - Ah. For the first earl's sister. - The attics? Yes. Mary took the Duke up to the attics. Whatever for? Why was this, dear? We were just looking around. Looking around? What is there to look at but servants' rooms? What was the real reason, hmm? Don't be such a chatterbox, Edith. I think we'll go through. - I still don't understand... - Will you hold your tongue! How long do you think they'll be? I'm starving. - Have you settled the ladies? - Yes, Mr Carson. Then it won't be long once they go through. You think he'll speak out? Do you think we'll have a duchess to wait on? Imagine that. You won't be waiting on her, whatever happens. There is no reason why the eldest daughter and heiress of the Earl of Grantham should not wear a duchess's coronet with honour. Heiress, Mr Carson? Has it been decided? It will be, ifthere's any justice in the world. Well, we'll know soon enough. What are you doing, Anna? I thought I'd take something up to Mr Bates, him not being well enough to come down. - You don't mind, do you, Mrs Hughes? - I don't mind. Not this once. No, take him whatever he might need. Mr Bates is leaving without a stain on his character. I hope you all observe that in the manner of your parting. Well, I don't see why he has to go. I don't mind doing a bit of extra work... It's not up to you. I'll take care of his lordship. Shall I, Mr Carson? Not while you're looking after the Duke, you won't. I'll see to his lordship myself. Mr Bates? Are you there? I brought something up, in case you were hungry. That's very kind. - I'm ever so sorry you're going. - I'll be all right. of course you will. There's always a place for a man like you. Oh, yes. Something will turn up. Tell us when you're fixed. Just... drop us a line. Else I'll worry. Well, we can't have that. We must go and let the servants get in here. I should be grateful ifwe could stay just a minute more. I have... I have something to ask you. I was terribly sorry to hear about your cousins. You said. Did you know them? Not well. I used to see Patrick Crawley at the odd thing. I imagine it will mean some adjustments for you all. To lose two heirs in one night, it's terrible. - Indeed, it was terrible. - Awful. But then again, it's an ill wind. At least Lady Mary's prospects must have rather improved. Have they? Haven't they? I will not be coy and pretend I do not understand your meaning, though you seem very informed on this family's private affairs. But you ought perhaps to know that I do not intend to fight the entail. Not any part of it. You can't be serious. It pains me to say it, but I am. You'll give up your entire estate? Your wife's money into the bargain, to a perfect stranger? You won't even put up a fight? I hope he proves to be perfect, but I rather doubt it. Ha. Very odd thing to joke about. No odder than this conversation. So, there you have it. But Mary will still have her settlement, which you won't find ungenerous. - I'm sorry? - I only meant that her portion, when she marries, will be more than respectable. - You'll be pleased, I promise you. - Oh, heavens. - I hope I haven't given the wrong impression. - You know very well... - My dear Lord Grantham... - Don't "My dear Lord Grantham" me! You knew what you were doing when you came here. You encouraged Mary, all of us, into thinking... Forgive me, but I came to express my sympathies and my friendship. Nothing more. Lady Mary is a charming person. Whoever marries her will be a lucky man. It will not, however, be me. I see, and what was it you asked me to stay behind to hear? I... I forget. Well, aren't you coming into the drawing room? I'm... I'm tired. I think I'll just slip away. Please make my excuses. I'm afraid I've worn you out. Tomorrow we can just... I'm leaving in the morning. Good night. Oh, you might tell that footman... - Thomas. - Thomas. You might tell him I've gone up. So he slipped the hook? At least I'm not fishing with no bait. I don't believe that. Well, believe what you like. He won't break the entail. The unknown cousin gets everything and Mary's inheritance will be the same as it always was. Oh, how was I to know? When the lawyer turned up, I thought... You weren't to and you did the right thing to telegraph me. - It's just not going to come off. - So what now? Well, you know how I'm fixed. I have to have an heiress, if it means going to New York to find one. What about me? You... You will wish me well. You said you'd find me ajob if I wanted to leave. And do you? I want to be a valet. I'm sick of being a footman. Yeah, Thomas, I don't need a valet. I thought you were getting rid of the new one here. And I've done it, but I'm not sure Carson's going to let me take over. And I want to be with you. Mmm. I just can't see it working, can you? We don't seem to have the basis of a servant-master relationship, do we? - You came here to be with me. - Among other reasons. And one swallow doesn't make a summer. - Aren't you forgetting something? - What? Are you threatening me? Because of a youthful dalliance? A few weeks of madness in a London season? You wouldn't hold that against me, surely? I would if I have to. And who'd believe a greedy footman over the words of a duke? If you're not careful, you'll end up behind bars. I've got proof. Mmm-hmm. You mean these? You know, my mother's always telling me never put anything in writing. And now, thanks to you, I never will again. How did you get them? - You bastard. - Don't be a bad loser, Thomas. Go to bed. Unless you want to stay. I think I'll turn in. - No big announcement, then? - No. Nor likely to be. He's of from the 9:00 train. He never is! And when we've had a turkey killed for tomorrow's dinner! - I wonder what she did wrong. - She did nothing wrong. Not from the way his lordship was talking. So His Grace turned out to be graceless. Good night, Mrs Hughes. Good night, Mr Carson. If you knew that was your decision, why put Mary through it? But I didn't know it was my decision, my final decision, until tonight. But I find I cannot ruin the estate or hollow out the title for the sake of Mary, even with a better man than that. I try to understand. I just can't. Well, why should you? Downton is in my blood and in my bones. It's not in yours. And I can no more be the cause of its destruction than I could betray my country. Besides, how was I to know he wouldn't take her without the money? Don't pretend to be a child because it suits you. Do you think she would've been happy with a fortune hunter? She might've been. I was. Have you been happy? Really, have I made you happy? Yes. That is, since you fell in love with me, which, if I remember correctly, was about a year after we were married. Not a year. Not as long as that. - But it wouldn't have happened for Mary. - Why not? Because I am so much nicer than the Duke of Crowborough. I'll be the judge of that. Just don't think I'm going to let it rest, Robert. I haven't given up by any means. - I must do what my conscience tells me. - And so must I. And I don't want you to think I'll let it rest. My lord, would it be acceptable for Bates to ride in front with Taylor? Otherwise, it means getting the other car out. He and His Grace are catching the same train. Perfectly acceptable. And if His Grace doesn't like it, he can lump it. You've been so kind, Lady Grantham. Thank you. Goodbye, Duke. You'll make my farewells to your delightful daughters? They'd have been down if they'd known you were leaving so soon. Alas, something's come up which has taken me quite by surprise. Obviously. Well, Grantham, this has been a highly enjoyable interlude. Has it? And I feared it had proved a disappointment. Not at all, not at all. A short stay in your lovely house has driven away my cares. We ought to go, my lord, if His Grace is to catch the train. Goodbye, Bates, and good luck. Good luck to you, my lord. Wait! - Get out, Bates. I really mustn't be late. Get back inside and we'll say no more about it. It wasn't right, Carson. I just didn't think it was right. - First post, ma'am. - Thank you, Ellen. - One for you. - Hmm. Thank you, Mother. - Oh, it's from Lord Grantham. - Really? What on earth does he want? He wants to change our lives. (TELEGRAPH MACHINE BEEPING) (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (TELEGRAPH MACHINE BEEPING) Oh, my God. That's impossible. - I'll take it up there now. - Don't be stupid. None of them will be up for hours. What difference will it make? Jimmy will do it when he comes in. (BEEPING} DAISY: Six o'clock! Thank you, Daisy. Anna. (SIGHING) (GROANING) Just for once in my life I'd like to sleep until I woke up natural. - Is your tire still in? - Yes, Mrs Patmore. Oh, my, my, will wonders never cease? - Have you laid the servant's hall breakfast? - Yes, Mrs Patmore. - And finished blacking that stove? - Yes, Mrs Patmore. - What about the bedroom fires? - All lit, Mrs Patmore. Right, well, take your things and get starred on the fires on the ground floor. (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) Now, hurry up. - Any sign of William? - MAID: No. - Where have you been? - I'm not late, am I? You're late when I say you're late. Daisy, whatever are you doing there, crouching in the dark? You weren't here and I didn't like to touch the curtains with me dirty hands. Well, quite right, too. - Why didn't you put the lights on? - I daren't. Well, it's electricity and not the devil's handiwork. You'll have to get used to it sooner or later. At Skelton Park, they've even got it in the kitchens. What for? (MRS PATMORE GIVING ORDERS) GIRL: Yes, Mrs Patmore. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Breakfast is ready, Mr Carson, - Ah, William, any papers yet? - They're late. - They certainly are. Get the board out so you can do them as soon as they're here. You can do it when they've finished their breakfast. Oh, heavens, girl! You're building a fire, not inventing it. - How many have you done? - This is me last till they come downstairs. Very well. Now, get back down to the kitchens before anyone sees you. (BICYCLE BELL RINGING) - And they're off. - No rest for the wicked. - Lady Mary. Are the tea trays ready? - All ready, Mrs Patmore. If the waters boiled. Could you give us a hand to take the other two up? - I've got her ladyship's to carry. -(DOOR BELL RINGING) - I'll help. - Back door. The papers, at last. William! (DOOR OPENS) - You're late. - Yeah, I know, but... - But what? - You'll see. Do The Times first, he only reads that at breakfast. And the Sketch for her ladyship. You can manage the others later, if need be. - Why are their papers ironed? - What's it to you? To dry the ink, silly. We wouldn't want his lordship's hands to be as black as yours. (BELLS RINGING) Mr Carson, I think you ought to see this. - I can't make myself believe it. - MRS PATMORE: Me neither. - His lordship's dressed. - William! Will you stop talking and take this kedgeree up. - And mind the burners are still lit. - Yes, Mrs Patmore. - Is it really true? - Afraid so. Nothing in life is sure. - Good morning, Carson. - Good morning, my lord. - Is it true what they're saying? - I believe so, my lord. I'm afraid we'll know some people on it. I don't suppose there are any lists of survivors yet? I understand most of the ladies were taken off in time. You mean the ladies in first class? God help the poor devils below decks. On their way to a better life. What a tragedy. When Anna told me, I thought she must have dreamt it. Do we know anyone on board? Your mother knows the Asters, at least she knows him. We dined with Lady Rothes last month. There are bound to be others. I thought it was supposed to be unsinkable. Every mountain is unclimbable until someone climbs it, so every ship is unsinkable until it sinks. - Good morning, Papa. - Good morning. What's that? Just arrived. Telegram. (SIGHS) - Is her ladyship awake? - Yes, my lord. - I'm just going to take in her breakfast. - Thank you. - - CORA: Hello. May I come in? Isn't this terrible? When you think how excited Lucy Rothes was all the prospect. It's too awful for any words. Did J.J. Astor get off? Of course that new wife of his is bound to have been rescued. I've had a telegram from George Murray. - One of his partners is in New York, - Yes? It seems James and Patrick were on board. What? They can't have been. They weren't going over until May. Then they changed their plans. They're definitely on the passenger list. Thank you, O'Brien. That'll be all for the moment. But surely they were picked up? - Doesn't look like it. - What? Neither of them? You must tell Mary. She can't hear about it from anyone else. Neither of them were picked up, that's what he said. - Mr Crawley and Mr Patrick? - That's what he said. Her ladyship was the colour of this cloth. Well, it's a terrible shame if it's true. It's worse than a shame, it's a complication. - What do you mean? - What do you think? Mr Crawley was his lordship's cousin and heir to the title. I thought Lady Mary was the heir. She's a girl, stupid. Girls can't inherit. But now Mr Crawley's dead and Mr Patrick was his only son. - So, what happens next? - ANNA: It's a dreadful thing. Hello. I've been waiting at the backdoor. I knocked, but no one came, So you pushed in? I'm John Bates, the new valet. - The new valet? - That's right. - You're early. - Came on the milk train. Thought I'd use the day to get to know the place, start tonight. I'm Anna, the head housemaid. How do you do? And I'm Miss O'Brien, her ladyship's maid. You better come along with us. - But how can you manage? - Don't worry about that, I can manage. - Because we've all got our own work to do. - I can manage. CARSON: All right, Mrs Hughes, I'll take over, Thank you. Good morning, Mr Bates. Welcome. - I hope your journey was satisfactory. - It was fine. Thank you. I am the butler of Downton. My name is Carson, How do you do, Mr Carson? This is Thomas, first footman. He's been looking after his lordship since Mr Watson left. It'll be a relief to get back to normal, won't it, Thomas? (CLEARS THROAT) I assume that everything is ready for Mr Bates' arrival? I've put him in Mr Watson's old room. Though he left it in quite a stale, I can tell you. But what about all them stairs? - I keep telling you, I can manage. - Of course you can. Thomas, take Mr Bates to his room, show him where he'll be working, Thank you, everyone. - Well, I can't see that lasting long. - Thank you, Miss O'Brien. BATES: Oh, yes. (SIGHS) I should be comfortable here. Does this mean I'll have to go into full mourning? My first cousin and his son are almost certainly dead. - We'll all be in mourning. - No, I mean with the other thing. After all, it wasn't official. If you're saying you do not wish to mourn Patrick as a fiancé, that is up to you. Well, no one knew about it outside the family. I repeat, it is up to you. Well, that's a relief. There's some cedar-lined cupboards in the attic for things that aren't often worn, traveling clothes and such. Mr Watson used them to rotate the summer and winter stuff. I'll show you later. What about studs and links? Do I choose them or does he? Lay them out unless he asks for something in particular. These for a ball, these for an ordinary dinner, these only in London. - I'll get the hang of it. - Yeah, you'll have to. Snuff boxes, he collects them. BATES: Beautiful. - Funny our job, isn't it? - What do you mean? The way we live with all this pirate's hoard within our reach. But none of it's ours, is it? No, none of it's ours. I can't believe I've been passed over for Long John Silver. You should have spoken up when you had the chance. Don't make the same mistake next time. Who says there'll be a next time? Is this a public holiday no one's told me of? She was certainly reluctant to go into mourning. Well, she'll have lo. We all will. 0'Brien's sorting out my black now. And I've told Anna to see what the girls have that still its. Of course, this alters everything. You won't try to deny it. You must challenge the entail now, surely. Can't we at least wait until we know they're dead before we discuss it? Don't talk as if I'm not brokenhearted, because I am, Of course, I've never understood why this estate must go to whomever inherits your title. My dear, I don't make the law. What is it? CARSON: The Dowager Countess is in the drawing room. - I'll come now. - She asked for Lady Grantham. I wonder what I've done wrong this time. Oh. And the new valet has arrived, my lord. Has he? Thank you, Carson. (CLEARS THROAT) What is it? I'm not entirely sure that he'll prove equal to the task. But your lordship will be the judge of that Better go. Tell her about James and Patrick. She won't have heard. Of course I've heard. Why else would I be here? Robert didn't want you to read about it in the newspaper and be upset. He flatters me. I'm tougher than I look. I'm very sorry about poor Patrick, of course. - He was a nice boy. - We were all so fond of him. But I never cared for James. He was too like his mother and a nastier woman never drew breath. - Will you stay for some luncheon? - Thank you. - I'll let Carson know. - I've already told him. Shall we sit down? - Do you know the new heir? - Only that there is one. He's Robert's third cousin, once removed. I have never to my knowledge set eyes on him. Of course, if your late husband hadn't forced me to sign that absurd act of legal theft... My dear, I didn't come here to fight. Lord Grantham wanted to protect the estate. It never occurred to him that you wouldn't have a son. - Well, I didn't. - No, you did not. But when Patrick had married Mary and your grandson been hailed as master, honor would have been satisfied. (SIGHS) Unfortunately, now... Now, a complete unknown has the right to pocket my money along with the rest of the swag. The problem is, saving your dowry would break up the estate. It would be the ruin of everything Robert's given his life to. - And he knows this? - Well, if he doesn't, he will. - Then there's no answer. - Yes, there is, and it's a simple one. The entail must be smashed in its entirety and Mary recognised as heiress of all. - There's nothing we can do about the title. - No. She can't have the title, but she can have your money. And the estate. I didn't run Downton for 30 years to see it go lock, stock and barrel to a stranger from God knows where. (SIGHS) Are we to be friends, then? We are allies, my dear, which can be a good deal more effective. Downton is a great house, Mr Bates. And the Crawleys are a great family. We live by certain standards and those standards can at first seem daunting. Of course. If you find yourself tongue-tied in the presence of his lordship, I can only assure you that his manners and grace will soon help you to perform your duties to the best of your ability. I know. Bates, my dear fellow. I do apologise, I should have realised you'd all be at luncheon. - Not at all, my lord. - Please, sit. Sit, everyone. I just want to say a quick hello to my old comrade in arms. Bates, my dear man, welcome to Downton. Thank you, sir. I'm so sorry to have disturbed you all. Please forgive me. You never asked. Thomas, take that up. Leave it, Daisy! He's a grown man. I suppose he can lift a meat pie. Now, put that apple tart in the lower oven. Oh, and take that away. Mr Lynch shouldn't have left it there. - What is it? - Sal! of Sorrel. I asked him for some to clean the brass pots. So, put it somewhere careful. It's poison. Seems like a lot of food when you think they're all in mourning. Nothing makes you hungrier or more tired than grief. When my sister died, God res! her soul, I ate my way through four platefuls of sandwiches all one sitting and slept round the clock. Did it make you feel better? Not much, but it passed the time. Oh, my Lord! What was this chopped egg supposed to be sprinkled on? - Was it the chicken? - It was. Take it upstairs now. - I can't go in the dining room. - I should think not. Find Thomas or William and tell them what to do. And for heaven's sake gel a move on, girl, before they gel back from church. Well, we've given them a memorial in London and a memorial here. MURRAY: I prefer memorials to funerals, they're less dispiriting. We could hardly have held a funeral without the bodies, I gather they're putting up a stone to mark those whose bodies were never found. In fact, I hear the Canadians are making quite a thing at the Titanic cemetery. I'm surprised at the number they found. You'd think the sea would've taken more of them. So, Murray, what have you to tell me about the lucky Mr Crawley? Nothing too terrible, I hope. (CHUCKLES) I've only made a few inquiries but, no, there'€TMs not much to alarm you. Matthew Crawley is a solicitor based in Manchester. Manchester? His special field is company law. His mother is alive and he lives with her. His father obviously is not. He was a doctor. I know. It does seem odd that my third cousin should be a doctor. There are worse professions. Indeed. Do me a favour. This is supposed to be sprinkled on the chicken. - But isn't there more to go up? - Oh, please, it won't take a moment. - Go on then, give it here, - Okay. MURRAY: We ought to talk about the business of the entail. As you know, on your death, the heir to the title inherits everything, except for the sums set aside for your daughters and your widow- Yes. Owing to the terms of her settlement, this will include the bulk of your wife's fortune, (SIGHS) It has been our sole topic of conversation since the day the ship went down. MURRAY: Of course it must seem horribly unjust to Lady Grantham, but that is how the law stands. Is there really no way to detach her money from the estate? Even to me, it seems absurd. Your father tied the knots pretty tight. I'd say it's unbreakable. I see. Really, Edith, do you have to put on such an exhibition? She's not. I was supposed to be engaged to him, for heaven's sake, not you, And I can control myself. Then you should be ashamed. Oh, and don't tell me you've not sent up the egg yet. Oh, God, help me! Please, God, help me! Well, what on earth's the matter? Just run upstairs to the dining room and find William. I beg you. - I can't do that now- - You've got to. - I'll be hanged if you don't. - What? Daisy, is that you? Is it the chicken in a sauce or the plain chicken with sliced oranges? Oh, thank you, blessed and merciful Lord! Thank you. It's the chicken in the sauce. I'll never do anything sinful again, I swear it. Not till I die. Mr Murray, how lovely to see you. Do come in. You're very kind. Lady Grantham, but I must get back to London. - But you'll stay for luncheon? - Thank you, but no, I'll eat on the train. In fact, if you'd be so good as to ask for the motor be brought round? But didn't you want the afternoon to talk things through? I think we've said everything we have to say, haven't we, my lord? For the time being, yes. Thank you, Murray. You've given me a good deal to think about. Mary, try to get everyone into the dining room. Edith, make sure old Lord Minterne sits down. -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Mmm-hmm. - They've all gone? - They have, thank the Lord. - Oh, what about the lawyer? - Oh, he was the first! away. Didn't even stay for the luncheon. I wish they'd make their minds up. Gwen's put clean sheets on the Blue Room bed, Now she'll just! have to strip it again. - Can't you leave it for the next guest? - Well, only if you don'€TMt tell. (CHUCKLES) So, has it all been settled? No. I don't know if anything's been settled. There's a fellow in Manchester with claims to the title, I gather, but it's all a long way from settled. - You mustn't take it personally. - No, I do take it personally, Mrs Hughes. I can't stand by and watch our family threatened with a loss of all they hold dear- - They are not our family. - Well, they're all the family I've got. I beg your pardon. Do you ever wish you'd gone another way? Worked in a shop or a factory? Had a wife and children? Do you? I don't know. Maybe. Sometimes. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) William's laid tea in the library, bu! her ladyship hasn't come down. Oh, she'll be tired. Take a tray up to her bedroom. - Is Thomas back? - Not yet, Mr Carson. He asked if he could rundown the village, I didn't see why not. It's iniquitous. They can't expect you to sit by silent as your fortune is stolen away. Can't they? His lordship would never let it happen. How's Bates working out? Well, I don't like to say. Only it seems unkind to criticize a man for an affliction, my lady. Even if it means he can't do his job. How are you settling in? Very well, I think. Unless your lordship feels differently- No complaints? If I had any, I should take them to Mr Carson, my lord, not you. (LAUGHS) You're probably right. And the house hasn't worn you out with the endless stairs and everything? I like the house, my lord. I like it as a place lo work. - What happened? - Oh, it's only the old wound. After I left the army, I'd a spot of bother and just when I got through that about a year ago my knee started playing up. A bit of shrapnel got left in or something and it moved, but it's fine. It's not a problem. And you'd let me know if you felt it was all too much for you? I would. But it won't be. Thomas. - And where have you been? - The village. - To send a telegram, if you must know. - Ooh, pardon me for living. Well, Murray didn't stay long. - Does her ladyship know how they left it? - No. They talked it all through on the way back from the church. If I was still his valet, I'd get it out of him. - Bates won't say a word. - He will not. I bet you a tenner he's a spy in the other direction, I wanted that job. We were all right together, his lordship and me. Then be sure to get your foot in the door when Bales is gone. You can't get rid of him just because he talks behind our backs. There's more than one way to skin a cat. - Perhaps she misunderstood. - No, it was quite plain. O'Brien told her Bates can't do the job properly. Why was he taken on? Oh, he was Lord Grantham's batman when he was fighting the Boers. I know that, but even so. - I think it's romantic. - I don't, How can a valet do his work if he's lame? He's not very lame. There. Anything else before I go down? No, that's it. Thank you. Oh, I hate black. It's not for long. Mama says we can go into half-mourning next month. And back to colours by September. - Still seems a lot for a cousin, - But not a fiancé? - He wasn't really a fiancé. - No? I thought that was what you call a man you're going to marry. I was only going to marry him if nothing better turned up. - Mary, what a horrid thing to say. - Don't worry. Edith would have taken him, wouldn't you? Yes, I'd have taken him. If you'd given me the chance, I'd have taken him like a shot. I just think you should know it's not working, Mr Carson. Do you mean Mr Bates is lazy? Not lazy, exactly. But he just can't carry. He can hardly manage his lordship's cases. You saw how it was when they went up to London for the memorial. He can't help with the guests' luggage neither. And as for waiting at table, we can forget that. - And what do you want me to do? - Well, it's not for me to say, But is it fair on William to have all the extra work? I don't believe you'd like to think the house was falling below the way things ought to be. - I would not. - That's all I'm saying. I'm going down. Coming? In a moment. You go. I know you're sad about Patrick. Whatever you say, I know it. You're a darling. But you see, I'm not as sad as I should be. And that's what makes me sad. Thank you. - I'll do that, - No. No, thank you, my lord. - I can do it. - I'm sure. I hope so, my lord. I hope you're sure. Bates, we have to be sensible. I won't be doing you a favour in the long run if it's too much for you, No matter what we've been through, it's got to work. Of course it has, sir. I mean, my lord. Do you miss the army, Bates? I miss a lot of things, but you have to keep moving, don't you? (CHUCKLING) You do, indeed. I'll show you, my lord, I promise. I won't let you down. We've managed so far, haven't we? Yes, we have. Of course we have. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - You look very nice. - Thank you, darling. - Did Murray make matters clearer? - Yes, I'm afraid he did. By the way, Oâ€TMBrien says Bates is causing a lot of awkwardness downstairs. You may have to do something about it. She's always making trouble. Is that fair when she hasn't mentioned it before now? I don't know why you listen to her. It is quite eccentric, even for you, to have a crippled valet. Please, don't use that word. Did he tell you he couldn't walk when he made his application? Don't exaggerate. Doesn't it strike you as dishonest not to mention it? - I knew he'd been wounded. - You never said, You know I don't care to talk about all that. Of course I understand what it must be like to have fought alongside someone in a war. - Oh, you understand that, do you? - Certainly I do. You must form the most tremendous bonds. - Even with a servant. - Really? Even with a servant? Oh, Robert, don't catch me out. I'm simply saying I fully see why you want to help him. But? But is this the right way, to employ him for a job he can't do? Is it any wonder if the others' noses are put out? I just want to give him a chance. Mama, I'm sorry, no one told me you were here. Oh, dear, such a glare. - I feel as if I were on stage at the Gaiety, - ROBERT: We're used to it, I do wish you'd let me install it in the Dower House. it's very convenient. The man who manages the generator could look after yours as well. No. I couldn't have electricity in the house. I wouldn't sleep a wink. All those vapours seeping about. Even Cora won't have it in the bedroom. She did wonder about the kitchens, but I couldn't see the point. Well, before anyone joins us, I'm glad of this chance for a little talk. - I gather Murray was here today? - News travels fast. Yes. I saw him and he's not optimistic that there's anything we can do. - Well, I refuse to believe it. - Be that as it may, it's a fact. - But to lose Cora's fortune to.., -(ROBERT SIGHS) Really, Mama, you know as well as I do that Cora's fortune is not Cora's fortune any more. Thanks to Papa, it is now part of the estate. And the estate is entailed to my heir, that is it. That is all of it. - Robert, dear, I don't mean to sound harsh..- - You may not mean to, but I bet you will. Twenty-four years ago you married Cora, against my wishes, for her money. Give it away now, what was the point of your peculiar marriage in the first place? If I were to tell you she'd made me very happy, would that stretch belief? It's not why you chose her, above all those other girls who could've filled my shoes so easily- If you must know, when I think of my motives for pursuing Cora, I'm ashamed. There's no need to remind me of them. Don't you care about Downton? What do you think? I've given my life to Downton. I was born here and I hope to die here. I claim no career beyond the nurture of this house and the estate. It is my third parent and my fourth child. Do I care about it? Yes, I do care! I hope I don't hear sounds of a disagreement. (CHUCKLING) Oh, is that what they call discussion in New York? Well, I'm glad you're righting. I'm glad somebody's putting up a tight. You're not really fighting Granny, are you, Papa? Your grandmother merely wishes to do the right thing. And so do I. Dinner is served, my lady. Does anyone else keep dreaming about the Titanic? - I can't get it out of my mind. - Not again. Give it a rest. Daisy, it is time to let it go. But all them people, freezing to death in the midnight icy water- Oh, you sound like a penny dreadful. I expect you saw worse things in South Africa. Eh, Mr Bates? Not worse, but pretty bad. Did you enjoy the war? I don't think anyone enjoys war, but there are some good memories, too. I'm sure there are. Mr Bates, would you hand me that tray? (CUTLERY CLATTERING) (BATES EXCLAIMING) - I'll do it. - Sorry. The ladies are out, we've given them coffee. The lordship's taken his port to the library. Anna, Gwen, go up and help clear away. Uh, Daisy, tell Mrs Patmore we'll eat in 15 minutes, (CARSON SIGHING) Well, I keep forgetting. Does this go next door or back to the kitchen? Those go back, but the dessert service and all the glasses stay in the upstairs pantry. Put it on here. What is it? Her ladyship's told him she thinks Mr Bates ought to go. She said to me, "if only his lordship had been content with Thomas." Did she really? - What are you doing up here? -It's a free country, Well, I'm going for my dinner. You two can stay here plotting. So, the young Duke of Crowborough is asking himself to stay. And we know why. You hope you know why. That is not at all the same. You realise the Duke thinks Mary's prospects have altered, - I suppose so. - There's no 'suppose' about it. Of course, this is exactly the sort of opportunity that will come to Mary if we can only get things settled in her favour. - Is Robert coming round? - Not yet. To him, the risk is we succeed in saving my money but not the estate. He feels he'd be betraying his duty if Downton were lost because of him. - Well, I'm going to write to Murray. - He won't say anything different. Well, we have to start somewhere. Our duty is to Mary. {SIGHING) Well, give him a date for when Marys out of mourning. No one wants to kiss a girl in black. Oh, do stop admiring yourself. He's not marrying you for your looks. That's if he wants to marry you all all. He will. - I think you look beautiful. -(DOOR OPENING) Thank you, Sybil darling. We should go down. They'll be back from the station at any moment. Hmm. Let's not gild the lily, dear. And Mary, try to look surprised. You all ready? Very well. You should go out lo greet them. - And me, Mr Carson? - No, Daisy, not you. Can you manage, Mr Bates? Or would you rather wait here? I want to go, Mr Carson. Well, there's no obligation for the whole staff lo be present. - I'd like to be there. - Hmm. Well, it's certainly a great day for Downton to welcome a duke under our roof. Remember to help me with the luggage. Don't go running off. I'll give you a hand. Oh, I couldn't ask that, Mr Bates, not in your condition. How long do we have to put up with this, Mr Carson, just! so I know? Welcome to Downton. Lady Grantham, this is so kind of you. Not at all, Duke. I'm delighted you could spare the time. - You know my daughter Mary, of course. - Of course, Lady Mary. And Edith, but! don't believe you've met my youngest, Sybil. - Ah! Lady Sybil. - How do you do? Come on in, you must be worn out. Oh, Lady Grantham, I've a confession to make, which I hope won't cause too much bother. My man has taken ill just as I was leaving, so I... Oh, well, that won't be a problem, will it, Carson? Certainly not. I shall look after His Grace myself. Oh, no, I wouldn't dream of being such a nuisance. Surely a footman... I remember this man. Didn't you serve me when I dined with Lady Grantham in London? - I did, Your Grace, - Ah, there we are. We shall do very well together, won't we... - Uh, Thomas, Your Grace, - Thomas. Good. - Hope you had a pleasant journey. - DUKE: Mmm. - Bates, are you all right? - Perfectly, my lord. I apologise. Mr Bates. (BATES SIGHS) - That's better. - Please, don't feel sorry for me. What shall we do? What would you like to do? - I think I'd rather like to go exploring. - Certainly. Gardens or house? Oh, house I think. Gardens are all the same to me. (BOTH CHUCKLE) Very well, we can begin in the hall, which is one of the oldest... No, not all those drawing rooms and libraries. Well, what then? I don't know. The... The secret passages and the attics. Well, it seems a bit odd but, why not? - I'll just tell Mama. - No, don't tell your mama. But there's nothing wrong in it. No, indeed. I'm.., I'm only worried the others will want to loin us. (CHUCKLES) Mary's settling him in. Cora, don't let Mary make a fool of herself. By the way, I'll be going up to London next week. Do you want to open the house? No, no. I'll just take Bates and stay at the club. - I won't be more than a day or two. - I see. Are things progressing? What things? It's just a regimental dinner. It's a pity Bates spoilt the arrival this afternoon. He didn't spoil anything. He fell over- It was so undignified. Carson hates that kind of thing. I don't care what Carson thinks. (CARSON CLEARING THROAT) A message from the Dowager Countess, my lady, She says she won't come to tea, but she'll join you for dinner. Oh, Carson, I hope you weren't embarrassed this afternoon. I can assure you the Duke very much appreciated his welcome. I'm glad. - Is Bates all right? - I think so, my lord. It must be so difficult for you, all the same. -(DOOR CLOSING) - Don't stir. Do you realise this is the first time we've ever been alone? Then you've forgotten when I pulled you into the conservatory at the Northbrook's (MARY CHUCKLES) - How sad. - No, I haven't. It's not quite the same with 20 chaperones hiding behind every fem. And are you pleased to be alone with me, my lady? Oh, dear, if I answer truthfully, you'll think me rather forward. I don't think we should pry, It feels rather disrespectful. Oh, nonsense. It's your father's house, isn't it? You've a right to know what goes on in it. Where does this lead? To the men's quarters. With a lock on the women's side. - Only Mrs Hughes is allowed to tum it, - Mrs Hughes... And you. - And here? - A footman, I imagine. (DRAWERS OPENING) - Should you do that? -(LAUGHING) Why not? I'm... I'm making a study on the genus "footman". (LAUGHING) I seek to know the creature's ways. -(LAUGHS) -[DOOR OPENING) (GASPING) Someone's coming! - Can I help you, my lady? - We were just exploring. Were you looking for Thomas, Your Grace? No, as Lady Mary said, we've just been exploring. Would you care to explore my room, my lady? Of course not, Bates. I'm sorry to have bothered you. We were just! going down. (MARY BREATHING HEAVILY) Why did you apologise to that man? It's not his business what we do. I always apologise when I'm in the wrong. It's a habit of mine. The plain fact is Mr Bates, through no fault of his own, is not able to fulfill the extra duties expected of him. He can't lift. He can't serve a table. He's dropping things all over the place. On a night like tonight he should act as a third footman. As it is, my lord, we may have to have a maid in the dining room. Cheer up, Carson, there are worse things happening in the world. Not worse than a maid sewing a duke. So you're quite determined? It's a hard decision, your lordship. A very hard decision. - But the honor of Downton is at stake. - Don't worry, Carson. I know all about hard decisions when it comes to the honor of Downton. Don't I, boy? William, you mustn't let Thomas take advantage. He's only a footman, same as you. It's all right, Mrs Hughes. I like to keep busy- It takes your mind off things. What things have you got to take your mind off? If you're feeling homesick, there' s no shame in it. - No. - It means you come from a happy home. There's plenty of people here would envy that. Yes, Mrs Hughes. - Will that be all, my lord? - Yes. That is... Not exactly. Have you recovered from your fall this afternoon? I'm very sorry about that, my lord. I don't know what happened. The thing is, Bates, I said I'd give you a trial and I have. If it were only up to me... it's this question of a valet's extra duties. You mean waiting a table when there's a large party? That and carrying things and... You do see that Carson can't be expected to compromise the efficiency of his staff. I do, my lord, of course I do. Might I make a suggestion? That when an extra footman is required, the cost could come out of my wages. Absolutely not. I couldn't possibly allow that. Because I am very eager to stay, my lord. Very eager, indeed. I know you are. And I was eager that this should work. You see, it is unlikely that I should find another position. But surely in a smaller house, where less is expected of you. It's not likely. I mean to help until you find something. I couldn't take your money, my lord. I can take wages for a job done. That's all. Very good, my lord. I'll go at once. There's no need to rush out into the night. Take the London train tomorrow. It leaves all 9:00. You'll have a month's wages, too. That I insist on, it's a bloody business, Bates, but I can't see any way around it. I quite understand, my lord. I'm afraid we're rather a female party tonight, Duke. But you know what it's like trying to balance numbers in the country. A single man outranks the Holy Grail. No, I'm terribly flattered to be dining en famille. What were you and Mary doing in the attics this afternoon? I expect Mary was just showing the Duke the house. Weren't you? - Are you a student of architecture? - Mmm, absolutely. Then I do hope you'll come and inspect my little cottage. - It was designed by Wren. - Ah. - COUNTESS: For the first earl's sister, - The attics? Yes. Mary took the Duke up to the attics. Whatever for? CORA: Why was this, dear? We were just looking around. Looking around? What is there to look at but servants' rooms? What was the real reason, hmm? (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) Don't be such a chatterbox, Edith. I think we'll go through. - I still don't understand... - Will you hold your tongue! How long do you think they'll be? I'm starving. - Have you settled the ladies? - Yes, Mr Carson. Then it won't be long once they go through. DAISY: You think he'll speak out? Do you think we'll have a duchess to wait on? Imagine that. You won't be waiting on her, whatever happens, There is no reason why the eldest daughter and heiress of the Earl of Grantham should not wear a duchess's coronet with honor. Heiress, Mr Carson? Has it been decided? It will be, if there's any justice in the world. Well, we'll know soon enough. What are you doing, Anna? I thought I'd take something up to Mr Bates, him not being well enough to come down, - You don't mind, do you, Mrs Hughes? - I don't mind. Not this once. No, take him whatever he might need. Mr Bates is leaving without a stain on his character. I hope you all observe that in the manner of your parting. Well, I don't see why he has to go. I don't mind doing a bit of extra work. It's not up to you. I'll take care of his lordship. Shall I, Mr Carson? Not while you're looking after the Duke, you won't. (CHUCKLES) I'll see to his lordship myself. (SOFT SOBBING) (SIGHING} (SOBBING CONTINUES) Mr Bates? Are you there? (SIGHING) I brought something up, in case you were hungry. That's very kind. - I'm ever so sorry you're going. - I'll be all right, Of course you will. There's always a place for a man like you. Oh, yes. Something will turn up. Tell us when you're fixed. Just...drop us a line. Else I'll worry. Well, we can't have that (ANNA SNIFFLING) We must go and let the servants get in here. I should be grateful if we could stay just a minute more. I have.. I have something to ask you. I was terribly sorry to hear about your cousins. You said. Did you know them? Not well. I used to see Patrick Crawley at the odd thing. I imagine it will mean some adjustments for you all. To lose two heirs in one night, its terrible. - Indeed, it was terrible. - Awful. But then again, it's an ill wind. At least Lady Mary's prospects must have rather improved. Have they? Haven't they? (INHALES DEEPLY) I will not be coy and pretend I do not understand your meaning, though you seem very informed on this family's private affairs. But you ought perhaps to know that I do not intend to fight the entail. Not any part of it. You can't be serious. It pains me to say it, but I am. You'll give up your entire estate? Your wife's money into the bargain, to a perfect stranger? You won't even put up a fight? I hope he proves to he perfect, but I rather doubt it. Ha. Very odd thing to joke about. No odder than this conversation. So, there you have it. But Mary will still have her settlement, which you won't find ungenerous. (COUGHS) -(CLEARING THROAT) I'm sorry? - I only meant that her portion, when she marries, will be more than respectable, - You'll be pleased, I promise you. - Oh, heavens, - I hope I haven't given the wrong impression. - You know very well,.. - My dear Lord Grantham. - Don't 'My dear Lord Grantham' me! You knew what you were doing when you came here. You encouraged Mary, all of us, into thinking... Forgive me, but I came to express my sympathies and my friendship. Nothing more. Lady Mary is a charming person. Whoever marries her will be a lucky man. It will not, however, be me. I see, and what was it you asked me to stay behind to hear? I... I forget. Well, aren't you coming into the drawing room? I'm... I'm tired. I think I'll just slip away. Please make my excuses. I'm afraid I've worn you out. Tomorrow we can just... I'm leaving in the morning. Good night. Oh, you might tell that footman... - Thomas. - Thomas. You might tell him I've gone up. So he slipped the hook? At least I'm not fishing with no bait. I don't believe that Well, believe what you like. He won't break the entail. The unknown cousin gets everything (SIGHING) and Mary's inheritance will be the same as it always was. Oh, how was I to know? When the lawyer turned up, I thought..- You weren't to and you did the right thing to telegraph me. -It's just not going to come off. - So what now? (LAUGHS) Well, you know how I'm fixed. I have to have an heiress, if it means going to New York to find one. What about me? You.. You will wish me well. You said you'd find me a job if I wanted to leave. And do you? I want to be a valet. I'm sick of being a footman. Yeah, Thomas, I don't need a valet. I thought you were getting rid of the new one here. And I've done it, but I'm not sure Carson's going to let me take over. And I want to be with you. Mmm. I just can't see it working, can you? (LAUGHING) We don't seem to have the basis of a servant-master relationship, do we? - You came hereto be with me. - Among other reasons. And one swallow doesn't make a summer. - Aren't you forgetting something? - What? (LAUGHS) Are you threatening me? Because of a youthful dalliance? A few weeks of madness in a London season? You wouldn't hold that against me, surely? I would if I have to. And who'd believe a greedy footman over the words of a duke? If you're not careful, you'll end up behind bars. I've got proof. Mmm-hmm, You mean these? (BOTH GRUNTING) (THOMAS PANTING) You know, my mothers always telling me never put anything in writing. And now, thanks to you, I never will again. How did you get them? - You bastard, - Don't be a bad loser, Thomas. Go to bed. Unless you want to stay. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) I think I'll turn in. - No big announcement, then? - No. Nor likely to be. He's off on the 9:00 train. He never is! And when we've had a turkey killed for tomorrow's dinner! - I wonder what she did wrong. - She did nothing wrong. Not from the way his lordship was talking. So His Grace turned out to be graceless. Good night, Mrs Hughes. Good night, Mr Carson. If you knew that was your decision, why put Mary through it? But I didn't know it was my decision, my final decision, until tonight. But I find I cannot ruin the estate or hollow out the title for the sake of Mary, even with a better man than that. I try to understand. I just can't. Well, why should you? Downton is in my blood and in my bones. Ifs not in yours. And I can no more be the cause of its destruction than I could betray my country. Besides, how was I to know he wouldn't take her without the money? Don't pretend to be a child because it suits you. (SIGHING) Do you think she would've been happy with a fortune hunter? She might've been. I was. Have you been happy? Really, have I made you happy? Yes. That is, since you fell in love with me, which, if I remember correctly, was about a year after we were married. Not a year. Not as long as that. - But it wouldn't have happened for Mary. - Why not? Because I am so much nicer than the Duke of Crowborough. I'll be the judge of that (ROBERT CHUCKLES) Just don't think I'm going to let it rest, Robert. I haven't given up by any means. - I must do what my conscience tells me. - And so must I. And I don't want you to think I'll let it rest. (ROBERT CHUCKLES) My lord, would it be acceptable for Bates to ride in front with Taylor? Otherwise, it means getting the other car out. He and His Grace are catching the same train. Perfectly acceptable. And if His Grace doesn't like it, he can lump it. You've been so kind, Lady Grantham, Thank you. Goodbye, Duke. You'll make my farewells to your delightful daughters? They'd have been down if they'd known you were leaving so soon. Alas, something's come up which has taken me quite by surprise. Obviously. Well, Grantham, this has been a highly enjoyable interlude. Has it? And I feared it had proved a disappointment. Not at all, not at all. A short stay in your lovely house has driven away my cares. We ought to go, my lord, if His Grace is to catch the train. Goodbye, Bates, and good luck. Good luck to you, my lord. WAIT ! - Get out, Bates. - DUKE: I really mustn't be late. Get back inside and we'll say no more about it. It wasn't right, Carson. I just didn't think it was right. - First post, ma'am. - Thank you, Ellen. - One for you. - Hmm, Thank you, Mother. - Oh, ifs from Lord Grantham. - Really? What on earth does he want? He wants to change our lives. Sub made possible by Adriano_CSI Oh, my God! That's impossible. I'll take it up there now. Don't be stupid. None of them will be up for hours, and what difference will it make? Jimmy'll do it when he comes in. (BEEPING) Six o'clock! Thank you, Daisy... Anna? (GROANS) Huh... Just for once in my life, I'd like to sleep until I woke up natural. Is your fire still in? Yes, Mrs Patmore. Ooh, my, will wonders never cease? Have you laid the servants' hall breakfast? Yes, Mrs Patmore. And finished blacking that stove? Yes, Mrs Patmore. What about the bedroom fires? All lit, Mrs Patmore. Right, well, take the things and start on the fires on the ground floor! (BUSY CHATTER) Now hurry up. Any sign of William? No. Where have YOU been? I'm not late, am I? You're late when I say you're late. Daisy? Whatever are you doing there, crouching in the dark? I didn't like to touch the curtains with my dirty hands. Quite right too. Why didn't you put the lights on? I daren't. It's not the devil's handiwork. You'll have to get used to it eventually. At Skelton Park, they've even got it in the kitchens. What for? (BUSY CHATTERING) (KNOCK ON DOOR) Breakfast is ready, Mr Carson. Ah, William. Any papers yet? They're late. They certainly are. Get the board out, so you can do them as soon as they're here. Is the library tidy? Yes, Mrs Hughes. Good. I want the dining room given a proper going-over today. You can do it when they've finished their breakfast. Oh, heavens, girl! You're building a fire, not inventing it! How many have you done? This is my last till they come downstairs. Very well. Now get back down to the kitchens before anyone sees you. (BICYCLE BELL) And they're off. No rest for the wicked. Lady Mary. Are the tea trays ready? All ready, Mrs Patmore - if the water's boiled. Could you give us a hand? I've got her Ladyship's to carry. I'll help. (BELL RINGS) Back door. The papers. At last... William? You're late! I know, but - But what? You'll see. Do the Times first. He only reads that at breakfast. And the Sketch for her Ladyship. You can manage the others later. Why are their papers ironed? What's it to YOU? To dry the ink, silly. We wouldn't want his Lordship's hands to be as black as yours. (BELLS TINKLE) Mr Carson! I think you ought to see this. I can't make myself believe it. Me neither. His Lordship's dressed. William! Will you stop talking and take this kedgeree up? And mind the burners are still lit. Yes, Mrs Patmore. Is it really true? Afraid so. Nothing in life is sure. Good morning, Carson. Good morning, my Lord. Is it true what they say? I believe so, my Lord. I'm afraid we'll know some people on it. I don't suppose there are any lists of survivors yet? I understand most of the ladies were taken off in time. You mean the ladies in first class? God help the poor devils below decks. On their way to a better life. What a tragedy. When Anna told me, I thought she must have dreamt it. Do we know anyone on board? Your mother knows the Astors. At least, she knows HIM. We dined with Lady Rothes last month. There are bound to be others. I thought it was supposed to be unsinkable. Every mountain is unclimbable until someone climbs it. So every ship is unsinkable until it sinks. Good morning, Papa. Morning. What's that? Just arrived... Telegram. Is her Ladyship awake? Yes, my Lord. I'm just taking in her breakfast. Thank you. (KNOCKS) (FAINT) Hello? May I come in? Isn't this terrible? When you think how excited Lucy Rothes was at the prospect. It's too awful for any words. Did JJ Astor get off? Course, his new wife is bound to have been rescued. I've had a telegram from George Murray. One of his partners is in New York. Yes? It seems James and Patrick were on board. What? But they weren't going over till May. Then they changed their plans. They're on the passenger list. Thank you, O'Brien. That'll be all for the moment. But...surely they were picked up? Doesn't look like it. What? Neither of them? You must tell Mary. She can't hear about it from anyone else. Neither were picked up. That's what he said. Mr Crawley and Mr Patrick? That's what he said. Her Ladyship was the colour of this cloth. Well, it's a terrible shame if it's true. It's worse than a shame. It's a complication. What do you mean? What do you think? Mr Crawley was his Lordship's cousin and heir to the title. I thought Lady Mary was the heir. She's a girl, stupid. Girls can't inherit. But now Mr Crawley's dead, and Mr Patrick was his only son. So what happens next? It's a dreadful thing. Hello? I've been waiting at the back door... I knocked, but no-one came. So you pushed in? I'm John Bates, the new valet. The new valet? That's right. You're early. Came on the milk train. Thought I'd get to know the place, start tonight. I'm Anna, the head housemaid. How do you do? And I'm Miss O'Brien, her Ladyship's maid. You'd better come along with us. But how can you manage? Don't worry about that. I can manage. Because we've all got our own work to do. I can manage. Mrs Hughes, I'll take over. Thank you. Good morning, Mr Bates. Welcome. I hope your journey was satisfactory? It was fine. Thank you. I am the butler at Downton. My name is Carson. How do you do, Mr Carson? This is Thomas, first footman. He's been looking after his Lordship since Mr Watson left. It'll be a relief to get back to normal, won't it, Thomas? (CLEARS THROAT) I assume that everything is ready for Mr Bates's arrival? I've put him in Mr Watson's old room, though he left it in quite a state, I can tell you. But what about all them stairs? I keep telling you, I can manage. Of course you can. Thomas, take Mr Bates to his room and show him where he'll be working. Thank you, everyone. Well, I can't see that lasting long. Thank you, Miss O'Brien. Oh, yes. I shall be comfortable here. Does this mean I'll have to go into full mourning? My first cousin and his son... ..are almost certainly dead. We will all be in mourning. No. I mean with the other thing. After all, it wasn't official. If you're saying you do not wish to mourn Patrick as a fiance, that is up to you. Well, no-one knew about it outside the family. I repeat, it is up to you. Well, that's a relief. There's some cedar-lined cupboards in the attic for things that aren't often worn - travelling clothes and such. Mr Watson used them to rotate the summer and winter stuff. I'll show you later. What about studs and links? Do I choose them or does he? Lay them out unless he asks for something in particular. These for a ball, these for an ordinary dinner, these only in London. I'll get the hang of it. Yeah, you'll have to. Snuff boxes. He collects them. Beautiful. Funny, our job, isn't it? What do you mean? The way we live with all this. A pirate's hoard within our reach. But none of it's ours, is it? No, none of it's ours. I can't believe I've been passed over for Long John Silver. You should have spoken up when you had the chance. Don't make the same mistake next time. Who says there'll be a next time? Is this a public holiday no-one's told me of? She was certainly reluctant to go into mourning. Well, she'll have to. We all will. O'Brien's sorting out my black now and I've told Anna to see what the girls have that still fits. Of course, this alters everything. You won't try to deny it? You must challenge the entail now, surely? Can't we at least wait until we know they're dead before we discuss it? Don't talk as if I'm not broken-hearted, because I am. Of course, I have never understood why this estate must go to whomever inherits your title. My dear, I don't make the law. What is it? The Dowager Countess is in the drawing room. I'll come now. She asked for Lady Grantham. I wonder what I've done wrong this time. And the new valet has arrived, my Lord. Has he? Hm... Thank you, Carson. (CLEARS THROAT) What is it? I'm not entirely sure that he will prove equal to the task, but your Lordship will be the judge of that. I'd better go. Tell her about James and Patrick. She won't have heard. Of course I've heard! Why else would I be here? Robert didn't want you to read about it in a newspaper and be upset. He flatters me. I'm tougher than I look. I'm very sorry about poor Patrick, of course. He was a nice boy. We were all so fond of him. But I never cared for James. He was too like his mother and a nastier woman never drew breath. Will you stay for some luncheon? Thank you. I'll let Carson know. I've already told him. Shall we sit down? Do you know the new heir? Only that there is one. He's Robert's third cousin once removed. I have never, to my knowledge, set eyes on him. Of course, if your late husband hadn't forced me to sign that absurd act of legal theft! My dear, I didn't come here to fight. Lord Grantham wanted to protect the estate. It never occurred to him that you wouldn't have a son. Well, I didn't. No, you did not. But when Patrick had married Mary and your grandson been hailed as master, honour would have been satisfied. Unfortunately, now... Now a complete unknown has the right to pocket my money, along with the rest of the swag! The problem is, saving your dowry would break up the estate. The problem is, saving your dowry would break up the estate. It would be the ruin of everything Robert's given his life to. And he knows this? Well, if he doesn't, he will. Then there's no answer. Yes, there is, and it's a simple one. The entail must be smashed in its entirety and Mary recognised as heiress of all. There's nothing we can do about the title. No, she can't have the title. But she can have your money... and the estate. I didn't run Downton for 30 years to see it go, lock, stock and barrel, to a stranger from God knows where. Are we to be friends, then? We are allies, my dear. Which can be a good deal more effective. Downton is a great house, Mr Bates, and the Crawleys are a great family. We live by certain standards and those standards can at first seem daunting. Of course. If you find yourself tongue-tied in the presence of his Lordship, I can only assure you that his manners and grace will soon help you to perform your duties to the best of your ability. I know. Bates! My dear fellow! I do apologise. I should have realised you'd all be at luncheon. Not at all, my Lord. Please, sit. Sit, everyone. I just want to say a quick hello to my old comrade-in-arms. Bates, my dear man. Welcome to Downton. Thank you, sir. I'm so sorry to have disturbed you all. Please forgive me. You never asked. Thomas, take that up! Leave it, Daisy! He's a grown man. I suppose he can lift a meat pie. Now, put that apple tart in the lower oven. Oh, and take that away! Mr Lynch shouldn't have left it there! What is it? Salt of sorrel. I asked him for some to clean the brass pots. So, put it somewhere careful. It's poison. It seems like a lot of food, when you think they're all in mourning. Nothing makes you hungrier or more tired than grief. When my sister died, God rest her soul, I ate my way through four platefuls of sandwiches at one sitting and slept round the clock. Did it make you feel better? Not much, but it passed the time. Oh, my Lord, what was this chopped egg supposed to be sprinkled on? Was it the chicken? It was. Take it upstairs now. I can't go in the dining room! I should think not! Find Thomas or William and tell them what to do. For heaven's sake, get a move on, before they get back from church! Well, we've given them a memorial in London and a memorial here. I prefer memorials to funerals. They're less dispiriting. We could hardly have held a funeral without the bodies. I gather they're putting up a stone to mark those whose bodies were never found. In fact, I hear the Canadians are making quite a thing of the Titanic cemetery. I'm surprised at the number they found. You'd think the sea would have taken more of them. So, Murray, what have you to tell me about the lucky Mr Crawley? Nothing too terrible, I hope. I've only made a few enquiries but, no, there's not much to alarm you. Matthew Crawley is a solicitor, based in Manchester. Manchester? His special field is company law. His mother is alive and he lives with her. His father, obviously, is not. He was a doctor. I know. It does seem odd that my third cousin should be a doctor. There are worse professions. Indeed. (BUSY CHATTER) Do me a favour. This must be sprinkled on the chicken. Isn't there more to go up? Please! It won't take a moment! Go on then, give it here. We ought to talk about the business of the entail. As you know, on your death the heir to the title inherits everything, As you know, on your death the heir to the title inherits everything, except for the sums set aside for your daughters and your widow. Yes. Owing to the terms of her settlement, this will include the bulk of your wife's fortune. It has been our sole topic of conversation since the day the ship went down. Of course, it must seem horribly unjust to Lady Grantham, but that is how the law stands. Is there really no way to detach her money from the estate? Even to me, it seems absurd. Your father tied the knots pretty tight. I'd say it's unbreakable. I see. Really, Edith. Do you have to put on such an exhibition? She's not. I was supposed to be engaged to him, for heaven's sake, not you, and I can control myself. Then you should be ashamed. Don't tell me you've not sent up the egg yet! Oh God, help me! Please, God, help me! What on earth's the matter? Run upstairs to the dining room and find William, I beg you! I can't do it now. You've got to! I'll be hanged if you don't! What? WILLIAM: Daisy? Is that you? Is it the chicken in a sauce or the chicken with sliced oranges? Oh, thank you, blessed and merciful Lord! Thank you! It's the chicken in the sauce. I'll never do anything sinful again, I swear it! Not till I die! Mr Murray, how lovely to see you. Do come in. You're very kind, Lady Grantham, but I must get back to London. But you'll stay for luncheon? Thank you, but no. I'll eat on the train. In fact, if you'd be so good as to ask for the motor to be brought round? But didn't you want the afternoon to talk things through? I think we've said everything we have to say, haven't we, my Lord? For the time being, yes. Thank you, Murray. It's given me a good deal to think about. Mary, try to get everyone into the dining room. Edith, make sure old Lord Minterne sits down. (KNOCK ON DOOR) Mm-hm? They've all gone? They have, thank the Lord. What about the lawyer? He was the first away. Didn't even stay for the luncheon. I wish they'd make their minds up. Gwen's put clean sheets on the Blue Room bed. Now she'll just have to strip it again. Can't you leave it for the next guest? Well, only if you don't tell. (WRY CHUCKLE) So, has it all been settled? No, I don't know if anything's been settled. There's a fellow in Manchester with claims to the title, I gather, but it's all a long way from settled. You mustn't take it personally. Oh, I do take it personally, Mrs Hughes. I can't stand by and watch our family threatened with the loss of all they hold dear. They're not OUR family. Well, they're all the family I've got! I beg your pardon. Do you...ever wish you'd gone another way? Worked in a shop or a factory? Had a wife and children? Do you? I don't know. Maybe. Sometimes. (KNOCK AT DOOR) William's laid tea in the library, but her Ladyship hasn't come down. She'll be tired. Take a tray up to her bedroom. Is Thomas back? Not yet, Mr Carson. He asked if he could run down the village. I didn't see why not. It's iniquitous. They can't expect you to sit by silent as your fortune is stolen away. Can't they? His Lordship'd never let it happen. How's Bates working out? Well... I don't like to say. Only, it seems unkind to criticise a man for an affliction, my Lady. Even if it means he can't do his job. How are you settling in? Very well... I think. Unless your Lordship feels differently. No complaints? If I had any, I should take them to Mr Carson, my Lord, not you. You're probably right. And the house hasn't worn you out with the endless stairs and so on? I like the house, my Lord. I like it as a place to work. What happened? It's only the old wound. After I left the army, I had a spot of bother and just when I'd got through that, about a year ago, my knee started playing up. A bit of shrapnel got left in or something, and it moved. But it's fine. It's not a problem. And you'd let me know if you felt it was all too much for you? I would. But it won't be. Thomas. And where have you been? The village. To send a telegram, if you must know. Oh, pardon me for living. Well, Murray didn't stay long. Does her Ladyship know how they left it? No. They talked it all through on the way back from the church. If I was still his valet, I'd get it out of him. Bates won't say a word. He will not. I'd bet you a tanner he's a spy in the other direction. I wanted that job. We were all right together, his Lordship and me. Then be sure to get your foot in the door when Bates is gone. We can't get rid of him just because he talks behind our backs. There's more than one way to skin a cat. Perhaps she misunderstood. No, it was quite plain. O'Brien told her Bates can't do the job properly. Why was he taken on? Oh, he was Lord Grantham's batman when he was fighting the Boers. I know that, but even so! I think it's romantic. I don't! How can a valet do his work if he's lame? He's not VERY lame. There. Anything else before I go down? No. That's it. Thank you. Oh, I hate black. It's not for long. Ma says we can go into half-mourning next month, and to colours by September. Still a lot for a cousin. But not a fiance. He wasn't really a fiance... No? I thought that was what you call a man you're going to marry. I was only going to marry him if nothing better turned up. Mary, what a horrid thing to say! Don't worry. Edith would have taken him, wouldn't you? Yes. I'd have taken him. If you'd given me the chance, I'd have taken him like a shot. I just think you should know it's not working, Mr Carson. Do you mean Mr Bates is lazy? Not lazy, exactly. But he just can't carry. He can hardly manage his Lordship's cases. You saw how it was when they went up to London. He can't help with the guests' luggage, and as for waiting at table, forget that. And what do you want me to do? It's not for me to say. But is it fair on William to have all the extra work? I don't believe you'd like to think the house was falling below the way things ought to be. I would not. That's all I'm saying. I'm going down. Coming? In a moment. You go. I know you're sad about Patrick, whatever you say, I know it. You're a darling. But you see, I'm not as sad as I should be. And that's what makes me sad. Thank you. (DROPS BRUSH) I'll do that. No. No, thank you, my Lord. I can do it. I'm sure. I hope so, my Lord. I hope you are sure. Bates, we have to be sensible. I won't be doing you a favour in the long run if it's too much for you. Whatever we've been through, it has to work. Of course, sir. I mean, my Lord. Whatever we've been through, it has to work. Of course, sir. I mean, my Lord. Do you miss the army, Bates? I miss a lot of things, but you have to keep moving, don't you? Ha! You do, indeed. I'll show you, my Lord. I promise. I won't let you down. We've managed so far, haven't we? Yes, we have. Of course we have. (KNOCK ON DOOR) You look very nice. Thank you, darling. Did Murray make matters clearer? Yes, I'm afraid he did. O'Brien says Bates is causing a lot of awkwardness downstairs. You may have to do something about it. She's always making trouble. Is that fair, when she hasn't mentioned it before now? I don't know why you listen to her. It is quite eccentric, even for you, to have a crippled valet. Please, don't use that word. Did he tell you he couldn't walk when he made his application? Don't exaggerate. Doesn't it strike you as dishonest not to mention it? I knew he'd been wounded. You never said. You know I don't care to talk about all that. I understand what it must be like, to have fought alongside someone in a war. Oh, you understand that, do you? Certainly I do. You must form the most tremendous bonds, even with a servant. Really? Even with a servant? Oh, Robert, don't catch me out. I'm simply saying I fully see why you want to help him. But? But...is this the right way to employ him for a job he can't do? Is it any wonder if the others' noses are put out? I just want to give him a chance. Mama, I'm sorry. No-one told me you were here. Oh dear, such a glare! I feel as if I were on stage at the Gaiety. We're used to it. I wish you'd let me install it in the Dower House. It's so convenient. The man who manages the generator could look after yours as well. No. I couldn't have electricity in the house. I wouldn't sleep a wink. All those vapours! Even Cora won't have it in the bedrooms. She did wonder about the kitchens - I couldn't see the point. Before anyone joins us, I'm glad of this chance for a little talk. I gather Murray was here today. News travels fast. Yes, I saw him, and he's not optimistic that there's anything we can do. I refuse to believe it. Be that as it may, it's a fact. But to lose Cora's fortune... Really, Mama. You know as well as I do that Cora's fortune is not Cora's fortune any more! Thanks to Papa, it is now part of the estate and the estate is entailed to my heir! That is it! That is all of it! Robert, dear, I don't mean to sound harsh... But I bet you will. 24 years ago you married Cora, against my wishes, for her money. Give it away now, and what was the point of your peculiar marriage in the first place? If I were to tell you she'd made me happy, would that stretch belief? It's not why you chose her. Above all the other girls who could have filled my shoes so easily... If you must know, when I think of my motives for pursuing Cora, I'm ashamed. There's no need to remind me of them. Don't you care about Downton? What do YOU think? I've given my life to Downton. I was born here and I hope to die here. I claim no career beyond the nurture of this house and the estate. It is my third parent and my fourth child. (EMOTIONAL) Do I care about it? Yes, I do care! I hope I don't hear sounds of a disagreement. Is that what they call discussion in New York? I'm glad you're fighting. I'm glad somebody's putting up a fight. You're not really fighting Granny? Your grandmother merely wishes to do the right thing. And so do I. Your grandmother merely wishes to do the right thing. And so do I. Dinner is served, my Lady. Does anyone else keep dreaming about the Titanic? I can't get it out of my mind. Not again. Give it a rest. Daisy, it's time to let it go. But all them people, freezing to death in the midnight, icy water. Oh, you sound like a penny dreadful. I expect you saw worse things in South Africa, eh, Mr Bates? Not worse, but...pretty bad. Did you enjoy the war? I don't think anyone enjoys war, but there are some good memories too. I'm sure there are. Mr Bates, could you hand me that tray? Blast! I'll do it. The ladies are out. We've given them coffee and his Lordship's taken his port to the library. Anna, Gwen, go up and help clear away. Daisy, tell Mrs Patmore we'll eat in 15 minutes. I keep forgetting. Does this go next door or back to the kitchen? Those go back, but the dessert service and all the glasses stay in the upstairs pantry. Put it on here. What is it? Her Ladyship's told him she thinks Mr Bates ought to go. She said to me, 'If only his Lordship had been content with Thomas.' Did she really? What are you doing up here? It's a free country. Well, I'm going for my dinner. You two can stay here...plotting. So, the young Duke of Crowborough is asking himself to stay. So, the young Duke of Crowborough is asking himself to stay. And we know why. You HOPE you know why. That is not at all the same. You realise the Duke thinks Mary's prospects have altered? I suppose so. There's no 'suppose' about it. Of course, this is exactly the sort of opportunity that will come to Mary, if we can only get things settled in her favour. Is Robert coming round? Not yet. To him, the risk is, we'd succeed in saving my money but not the estate. He feels he'd be betraying his duty if Downton were lost because of him. Well, I'll write to Murray. He won't say anything different. Well, we have to start somewhere. Our duty is to Mary. Well, give him a date for when Mary's out of mourning. No-one wants to kiss a girl in black. Oh, do stop admiring yourself! He's not marrying you for your looks. That's if he wants to marry you at all. He will. You look beautiful. Thank you, Sybil. (DOOR OPENS) CORA: We should go down. They'll be back from the station at any moment. Let's not gild the lily, dear. (And Mary, try and look surprised.) Are you all ready? Very well. We shall go out to greet them. And me, Mr Carson? No, Daisy, not you. Can you manage, Mr Bates, or would you rather wait here? I want to go, Mr Carson. There's no obligation for the whole staff to go. I'd like to be there. Well, it's certainly a great day for Downton to welcome a duke under our roof. Help me with the luggage. Don't go running off. I'll give you a hand. I couldn't ask that, Mr Bates, not in your condition. How long do we have to put up with this, Mr Carson, just so I know? (DOG BARKS) Welcome to Downton. Lady Grantham, this is so kind of you. Not at all, Duke. We're delighted you could spare the time. You know my daughter Mary, of course. Lady Mary. And Edith. But I don't believe you've met my youngest, Sybil. Ah. Lady Sybil. How do you do? Come on in. You must be worn out. Oh, Lady Grantham, I have a confession to make which I hope won't cause any bother. My man was taken ill just as I was leaving, so I... Oh, well, that won't be a problem, will it, Carson? Certainly not. I shall look after his Grace myself. Oh, no. I wouldn't dream of being such a nuisance. Surely, a footman... I remember this man. You served me when I dined with Lady Grantham in London. I did, Your Grace. Ah, there we are. We shall do very well together, won't we...? Thomas, your Grace. Thomas... Good. I hope you had a pleasant journey. Hm. Bates, are you all right? Perfectly, my Lord. I apologise. Mr Bates. That's better. Please, don't feel sorry for me. What shall we do? What would YOU like to do? I think I'd rather like to go exploring. Certainly. Gardens or house? Oh, house, I think. Gardens are all the same to me. (POLITE CHUCKLE) Very well... We can begin in the hall, one of the oldest - No! Not all those drawing rooms and libraries. Well, what, then? I don't know... The secret passages and the attics. It seems a bit odd, but...why not? I'll just tell Mama. No, don't tell your mama. But there's nothing wrong in it. No, indeed. I'm only worried the others will want to join us. Mary's settling him in. Cora, don't let Mary make a fool of herself. By the way, I'll be going up to London next week. Do you want to open the house? No, I'll just take Bates and stay at the club. I won't be more than a day or two. I see. Are things progressing? What things? It's just a regimental dinner. It was a pity Bates spoiled the arrival this afternoon. He didn't spoil anything. He fell over. It was so undignified. Carson hates that kind of thing. I don't care what Carson thinks. (CARSON CLEARS THROAT) A message from the Dowager Countess, my Lady. She says she won't come to tea, but she'll join you for dinner. Look, Carson, I hope you weren't embarrassed this afternoon. I can assure you the Duke very much appreciated his welcome. I'm glad. Is Bates all right? I think so, my Lord. It must be so difficult for you, all the same. Don't stare. Do you realise this is the first time we've ever been alone? Then you've forgotten when I pulled you into the conservatory at the Northbrooks'. How sad. No, I haven't. It's not quite the same with 20 chaperones hiding behind every fern. And are you pleased to be alone with me, my Lady? Oh, dear. If I answer truthfully, you'll think me rather forward. I don't think we should pry. It feels rather...disrespectful. Nonsense. It's your father's house, isn't it? You've a right to know what goes on in it. Where does this lead? To the men's quarters, with the lock on the women's side. Only Mrs Hughes is allowed to turn it. (TURNS DOOR HANDLE) Mrs Hughes... and you. In here? A footman, I imagine. Should you do that? Why not? I'm making a study on the genus 'footman'. I seek to know the creature's ways. (CHUCKLES) (DOOR BANGS) Someone's coming! Can I help you, my Lady? We were just exploring. Did you want Thomas, your Grace? No. As Lady Mary said, we've just been exploring. Would you care to explore my room, my Lady? Of course not, Bates. I'm sorry to have bothered you. We were just going down. Why did you apologise to that man? It's not his business what we do. I always apologise when I'm in the wrong. It's a habit of mine. The plain fact is, Mr Bates, through no fault of his own, is not able to fulfil the extra duties expected of him. He can't lift, he can't serve at table, he's dropping things all over the place. On a night like tonight, he should act as a third footman. As it is, my Lord, we may have to have a maid in the dining room. As it is, my Lord, we may have to have a maid in the dining room. Cheer up, Carson. There are worse things happening in the world. Not worse than a maid serving a duke. So you're quite determined? It's a hard decision, your Lordship, a very hard decision, but the honour of Downton is at stake. Don't worry, Carson. I know all about hard decisions when it comes to the honour of Downton, don't I, boy? William, you mustn't let Thomas take advantage. He's only a footman, same as you. It's all right, Mrs Hughes. I like to keep busy. Takes your mind off things. What things have you got to take your mind off? If you're feeling homesick, there's no shame in it. No. It means you come from a happy home. There's plenty of people here would envy that. Yes, Mrs Hughes. Will that be all, my Lord? Yes. That is, not exactly. Have you recovered from your fall this afternoon? I'm very sorry about that, my Lord. I don't know what happened. The thing is, Bates. I said I would give you a trial, and I have. If it were only up to me... It's this question of a valet's extra duties. Waiting at table when there's a large party? That, and carrying things, and... You see that Carson can't compromise the efficiency of his staff? I do, my Lord. Of course I do. Might I make a suggestion? That when an extra footman is required, the cost could come out of my wages. Absolutely not. I can't allow that. Because I am very eager to stay, my Lord. Very eager, indeed. I know you are. And I was eager that this should work. You see, it is unlikely that I shall find another position. But in a smaller house, where less is expected of you... It's not likely. I mean to help until you find something. It's not likely. I mean to help until you find something. I couldn't take your money, my Lord. Just wages for a job done. Very good, my Lord. I'll go at once. Don't rush out into the night. Take the London train tomorrow. It leaves at nine. You'll have a month's wages too. That I insist on. It's a bloody business, Bates, but I can't see any way round it. I quite understand, my Lord. I'm afraid we're rather a female party tonight, Duke. But you know what it's like trying to balance numbers in the country. A single man outranks the Holy Grail! No, I'm terribly flattered to be dining en famille. What were you and Mary doing in the attics this afternoon? I expect Mary was showing the Duke the house, weren't you? Are you a student of architecture? Absolutely. Then I do hope you'll come and inspect my little cottage. It was designed by Wren for the first Earl's sister. The attics? Yes. Mary took the Duke up to the attics. Whatever for? Why was this, dear? We were just looking around. Looking around? What is there to look at but servants' rooms? What was the real reason? Don't be such a chatterbox, Edith! What was the real reason? Don't be such a chatterbox, Edith! I think we'll go through. I still don't understand. Will you hold your tongue? How long do you think they'll be? I'm starving. Have you settled the ladies? Yes, Mr Carson. Then it won't be long once they go through. Do you think he'll speak out? Do you think we'll have a duchess to wait on? Imagine that! You won't be waiting on her! There is no reason why the eldest daughter and heiress of the Earl should not wear a duchess's coronet with honour. Heiress, Mr Carson? Has it been decided? It will be, if there's any justice in the world. Well, we'll know soon enough. What are you doing, Anna? I thought I'd take something up to Mr Bates, him not being well enough to come down. You don't mind, do you, Mrs Hughes? I don't mind. Not this once. No, take him whatever he might need. Mr Bates is leaving without a stain on his character. I hope you all observe that in the manner of your parting. I don't see why he has to go. I don't mind doing extra - It's not up to you. I'll take care of his Lordship, shall I? Not while you're looking after the Duke, you won't. I'll see to his Lordship myself. (MUFFLED CRYING AND SNIFFLING) Mr Bates? Are you there? I brought something up, in case you were hungry. That's very kind. I'm ever so sorry you're going. I'll be all right. Of course you will. There's always a place for a man like you. Oh, yes... Something'll turn up. Tell us...when you're fixed. Just...drop us a line. Else I'll worry. Well, we can't have that. (SNIFFS) We must go and let the servants get in here. I'd be grateful if we can stay a minute more. I have something to ask you. I was terribly sorry to hear about your cousins. You said. Did you know them? Not well. I used to see Patrick at the odd thing. I imagine it will mean some adjustments for you all. To lose two heirs in one night is terrible. To lose two heirs in one night is terrible. Indeed. It was terrible. Awful. But then again, it's an ill wind... At least Lady Mary's prospects must have rather improved. Have they? Haven't they? I will not be coy and pretend I do not understand your meaning, though you seem very informed on this family's private affairs. But you ought perhaps to know that I do not intend to fight the entail, not any part of it. You can't be serious. It pains me to say it, but I am. You'll give up your entire estate, your wife's money into the bargain, to a perfect stranger? You won't even put up a fight? I hope he proves to be perfect, but I rather doubt it. Ah... Very odd thing to joke about. No odder than this conversation. So, there you have it. But Mary will still have her settlement, which you won't find ungenerous. (COUGHS) I-I'm sorry? I only meant that her portion, when she marries, will be more than respectable. You'll be pleased, I promise you. Oh, heavens. I hope I haven't given the wrong impression. You know the - My dear Lord Grantham - Don't 'My dear Lord Grantham' me! You knew what you were doing when you came here. You encouraged Mary, all of us, to think - Forgive me, but I came to express my sympathies and my friendship, nothing more. (THUNDER RUMBLES) Lady Mary is a charming person. Whoever marries her will be a lucky man. He will not, however, be me. I see. And what was it that you asked me to stay behind to hear? (STEADY RAIN AND DISTANT THUNDER) I forget. Aren't you coming into the drawing room? I-I'm tired. I think I'll just slip away. Please make my excuses. I'm afraid I've worn you out. Tomorrow, we can just - I'm leaving in the morning. Good night. Oh, you might tell that footman... Thomas. Thomas. You might tell him I've gone up. So he slipped the hook. At least I'M not fishing with no bait! I don't believe that! Well, believe what you like. He won't break the entail. The unknown cousin gets everything and Mary's inheritance will be the same as it always was. How was I to know? When the lawyer - You weren't to. You did the right thing to telegraph me. It's just not going to come off. So what now? Well, you, you know how I'm fixed. I have to have an heiress - if it means going to New York to find one. What about me? You... You will wish me well. You said you'd find me a job if I wanted to leave. And do you? I want to be a valet. I'm sick of being a footman. Thomas, I don't need a valet. I thought you were getting rid of the new one here. I've done it, but I'm not sure Carson's going to let ME take over. I want to be with you. I just can't see it working, can you? We don't have the basis of a servant-master relationship, do we? You came here to be with ME! Among other reasons. And...one swallow doesn't make a summer. Aren't you forgetting something? What? Are you threatening me? Because of a youthful dalliance? A few weeks of madness in a London Season? You wouldn't hold that against me, surely? I would if I have to. And who'd believe a greedy footman over the words of a Duke? If you're not careful, you'll end up behind bars. I've got proof. Hm... Do you mean these? You know, my mother's always telling me, never put anything in writing. And now, thanks to you, I never will again. How did you get them, you bastard? No need to be a bad loser, Thomas. Go to bed. Unless you want to stay? (DEEP BREATH) (KNOCK ON DOOR) I think I'll turn in. No big announcement, then? No, nor likely to be. He's off on the nine o'clock train. He never is? And when we've had a turkey killed for tomorrow's dinner! I wonder what she did wrong. She did nothing wrong, not from the way his Lordship was talking. So his Grace turned out to be graceless! Hm! Good night, Mrs Hughes. Goodnight, Mr Carson. (DOOR SHUTS) If you knew that was your decision, why put Mary through it? But I didn't know it was my decision, my final decision, until tonight. But I find I cannot ruin the estate or hollow out the title for the sake of Mary, even with a better man than that. I try to understand. I just can't. Why should you? Downton is in my blood and in my bones, it's not in yours. And I can no more be the cause of its destruction than I could betray my country. Besides, how was I to know he wouldn't take her without the money? Don't pretend to be a child because it suits you. Do you think she would have been happy, with a fortune hunter? She might have been. I was! Have you been happy? Really? Have I made you happy? Yes. That is, since you fell in love with me, which if I remember correctly was about a year after we were married. Not a year. Not as long as that. But it wouldn't have happened for Mary. Why not? Because I am so much nicer than the Duke of Crowborough. I'll be the judge of that. Just don't think I'm going to let it rest, Robert. I haven't given up, by any means. I must do what my conscience tells me. And so must I. And I don't want you to think I'll let it rest. (BIRDSONG) my Lord, would it be acceptable for Bates to ride in front with Taylor? Otherwise it means getting the other car out. He and his Grace are catching the same train. Perfectly acceptable. And if his Grace doesn't like it, he can lump it. You've been so kind, Lady Grantham. Thank you. Goodbye, Duke. You'll make my farewells to your delightful daughters? They'd have been down if they'd known. Alas, something's come up which has taken me quite by surprise. Obviously. Grantham, this has been a highly enjoyable interlude. Has it? And I feared it had proved a disappointment. Not at all, not at all. My stay in your house has driven away my cares. We ought to go, my Lord, if His Grace is to catch the train. Goodbye, Bates. And good luck. Good luck to YOU, my Lord. (ENGINE RUNNING) Wait! Get out, Bates. THE DUKE: I really mustn't be late. Get back inside and we'll say no more about it. (MOTOR CAR DRIVES OFF) It wasn't right, Carson. I just didn't think it was right. First post, Ma'am. Thank you, Ellen. One for you. Oh. Thank you, Mother. It's from Lord Grantham. Really? What on earth does he want? He wants to change our lives. Welcome to Downton. Why are you so against him? He isn't one of us. I stole. I'm a thief. You have my resignation. For once in your life, will you please just listen? No-one can foresee the future, Doctor. Not we and certainly not Mrs Crawley. Oh, no. You're far too busy, and I wouldn't want to push in. Adriano_CSI Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. I got into Columbia. What if Columbia is a disaster and we lose each other for good? And what if it's amazing and we become closer than we've ever been? I'm not seeing anybody else. Nor do I want to if you don't. - Last night... - Don't even finish those words unless they end with, "Was a mistake." Ben's my brother. He takes a lot of time and energy. - How are things going? - The guys were easy but the girls are presenting a little more of a challenge. I know what you did. It's despicable. Do you hate me so much you can't stand to see me happy? - No. So why did you drive the person I care most about out of town? You just brought back my worst self. Where has she been? And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell. You know you love me. XOXO Gossip Girl. Morning on the Upper East Side, where even our own blond birdie has been spotted flying the coop early to make it to her morning classes. Leave it to Serena van der Woodsen to make geek chic. Who knew Ivy would look so good on her? - Hey. Hey, are you kidding me? - Hey, you again. Yes, me again. Getting my cab taken by you again. Nice bag. I like it better than the one you had. It's supposed to be at class. I can't be late, so if you don't mind... Sorry. She had an audition. Something... I think a talking dog was involved. Yeah, I know the feeling. Let me make it up to you. Buy you a drink? Are you seriously hitting on me while still holding your date's shoes? Well, if you change your mind, the King Cole Bar still makes a Red Snapper. You look like you're about a size 8? Taxi. "Indra Nooyi, Ann Moore, Andrea Jung." Why are these all businesswomen? We color coded for easy reference. Businesswomen are in green. Women in academia are in blue. Politics and government in red with a subsection on royalty and dictators. Oh, files. What's going on? I'm researching women of power so I can better forge my path to become one. Sarah Louise Palin? Do you even want to be a minion? B, uh, can I talk to you for a minute? I need advice. Yes. Five paces behind, for privacy. - Ten for you. - What? How are you? I've barely seen you all week. Uh, I've been great. You know, with Dan and Nate behind me I really feel like I can bury the old me and start anew. May you rest in peace. The problem is, I've been late for my English Lit class a few times and lates count as absences... If only there were a device of some kind to keep the time. S, listen to me. College professors have a god complex. So just meet with him and say you're sorry. The simplest way to turn an enemy into a friend is to seek their counsel. Who taught you that, one of your Asian Art of War gurus? Martha Chamberlin. She's guest lecturing a series called Psychology of Business. - I'm heading to the registrar's to sign up. - I love her. B, how do you do it? Chuck declares war and you simply up your class load? The more time I spend on campus, the safer I am. Chuck is allergic to education and bettering himself. Well, I'm not. So if I'm gonna work on my new self, I should head to the library. Sign me up for Martha's class. We'll go together. Your guitar tuner? Really? You have the worst poker face ever. Okay, fine. Dan hasn't been returning my calls and I wanted to make sure everything was okay with you guys. Everything is better than okay. Dan and I had a marathon talk. Everything that we haven't dealt with, including Serena. And from now on, there's no more secrets or surprises. Well, that's great. Uh... I never doubted you guys for a second. Seriously, you need to practice in the mirror or something. I don't know how do they let you live on the Upper East Side. Well, that's great you and Vanessa sorted everything out. We should double. Juliet and I are going to this Faculty and Friends mixer at the Hamilton House. - You guys wanna come? - No? - There's free appetizers, Humphrey. - Oh, okay. Fine. - You wanna go see a movie afterwards? - No can do. Oh, come on. It doesn't even have to have subtitles. That sounds great. No. Juliet and I have this nice evening planned after the mixer. Got some champagne, new Matteo sheets. I'm hoping some recently purchased lingerie. It's for her, right? Wait. I'm sorry. You guys haven't, uh...? No, I haven't. I did spend the night at her place. I took a page from the Humphrey playbook and we just talked and played Scrabble. That's nice. Thanks. By the way, thank you for, uh, inviting me today. - After everything that's happened. - Yeah, yeah. I missed you too, man. No hugs. You're not getting a hug. - Not one? - Not one. I'm sorry I didn't visit last week. Things are really ramping up at school. The good news is that Serena is now isolated from both Dan and Nate. - What about Blair? - Blair will get distracted, eventually. Come on. It was only a few weeks ago I went after Serena at Hamilton House. If I get caught trying to get her expelled, it's over. Not if you have a fall guy. Maybe someone with pretty blue eyes and a history with Serena? Have you been spying on me? Spying implies a lack of trust. And I know that I can trust you. I'm only dating Nate to stay in Serena's orbit. Good. Because we agreed that we would not stop until Serena was left with nothing. Just like I was. And the next thing to take from her is Columbia. Seeing as how you're in with these people, shouldn't be too hard, right? I know what to do. There you are. Where do I sign up for Miss Chamberlin's lecture series? - What are you doing here? - Go Lions. No, that's impossible. Even for you. The dean has extended me the courtesy of auditing a few classes. We felt it important I get a feel for campus life before breaking ground on the new Bart Bass Memorial Rotunda. - What? - It's a building with a ground plan, usually covered by a dome. I know what a rotunda is. You can't be here. Columbia's mine. What do you want? Last time we spoke, I thought I was crystal clear. You took away what I cared about most. To return the favor I'm going to take Columbia away from you. Come back later and sign me and Serena up for Martha's class, but do it quietly. I don't want Chuck to know. Go. This just in. Looks like you can take the girl out of the party but not the party out of the girl. Rumor has it our favorite blond could be spreading more than just good cheer. And if it's true, then there's a test out there a few of you might not be able to pass. Does SVW have an STD? Who would lie to Gossip Girl like that? Do you want a list? I don't know if I have time. A good scandal is one thing. But even Gossip Girl likes to keep things classy and somewhat true. I just wanted to focus on school. Don't let this stop you. Without someone confirming, it'll blow over. Keep doing what you're doing. Hold your head high. This is our school. We were here first, damn him to hell. Why do I get the feeling your pep talk is not entirely meant for me? Chuck is here. At Columbia. Wow, he's bringing the battle to campus? Yes, well, I already have a battle plan. I found out Martha Chamberlin takes a student assistant when she lectures. That position will be my private island against the storm that is Chuck Bass. If you won't let a disease like Chuck deter you what leg do I have to stand on? I'll plant myself in the quad, act like I don't have a care in the world. And e-mail my professor to see when he can meet. Okay. It says here that you both slept with Serena and Vanessa and that Vanessa also slept with Chuck who slept with Blair. All that's on Gossip Girl? Yeah. She made a chart, which I have to say is very helpful. Oh, God. - Can we talk? - Yeah. Thank you for meeting me before your game. I just... I thought that we should talk about this before we spend our first night together. You know it's just a rumor. It's not true. Even if it was, I haven't slept with Serena since last spring. - So? - So I think I would, you know, know? Nate, symptoms can be dormant for months or not even appear at all. You could still be a carrier. - What? - I'm a girl. I paid attention in health class. So you want me to get tested? I'm not worried, but if it makes you feel better I'll swing by the clinic after the game. - Thank you. And I promise you, when you see the outfit I bought for tomorrow night it will be well worth it. Vanessa, like I told you on the phone, it's totally false. And what business is it of yours anyway? You and I both got tested. Remember that? I do. I've not been with anyone else since. Dan, Serena was sleeping in your bed and wearing your T-shirt. If something else happened, I need to know. Nothing else happened. What happened to our big talk? Honestly, I don't know if I can have this same conversation one more time. I'm sorry. You're right. It's just the blast freaked me out. It's okay. I promise... Promise you have nothing to worry about. All right? I'll call you after the game. Serena. Hi. - How are you? - Great. Why wouldn't I be? If you're referring to the vicious rumor on Gossip Girl. You wouldn't have anything to do with that? No. Look, I just came over here to tell you the way our professor called you out in front of the entire class you didn't deserve that. If there's anything I can do... No, I already e-mailed him. I'm hoping to talk with him myself tomorrow. Good. Well, anyhow I really didn't have anything to do with that blast. It's the last thing I would have wanted. What do you mean? Nate sort of freaked when he saw it. Freaked how? He doesn't believe it. - Thanks for coming with me. - No problem. Shouldn't have told you about the cotton swab. Insensitive. Just think about how happy you'll be with a clean bill of health tomorrow. What the hell are you doing? And you? It's been, what, two years? I'm a wingman. Wanna sign me in, see you in a minute? - I'll step away now. - Cool. I know about your summer of love from Chuck's black book and honestly, for your sake, I hope you do get tested. Do it today, and people will think you believe the blast. You'll be confirming the rumor. Please. Please just wait a few days or go somewhere else. Serena, there's someone else I need to do this for, okay? And right now, she's my priority, not you. - Miss Chamberlin's largest client to date? - National Rifle Association. She created the Mama Bears campaign. Increased female membership by a third. And the cherry pie? First success was branding a cherry pie recipe for Better Homes and Gardens. How do you go from Better Homes to the NRA? It's a short trip, believe me. Ms. Chamberlin. Blair Waldorf. I'll be in your Psychology of Business class. Oh, nice to meet you. I'm not having office hours yet, but if you... Actually, I was hoping we could discuss the assistant position. I'm a big fan. Unfortunately, the position has been filled. By who? No. Miss Chamberlin, whatever Mr. Bass has told you I assure you, he has no interest in your class or any idea who you even are. - Thank you. - On the contrary. Once I decided to rebrand The Empire, there was only one name on my list. We can talk more as I walk you to your limo. Thank you. Good day, Miss Waldorf. If you have any questions regarding the class, Mr. Bass will answer them. Actually, it turns out Miss Chamberlin's class is over-enrolled. You didn't make the cut. Sorry. Mm. I almost forgot how much I used to enjoy your pie. Batten down the hatches, B. Looks like your island in the storm was just hit by a Bass 5 hurricane. - Where are you off to? - Oh, campus. My professor agreed to meet with me during office hours. Oh, good for you. We can't let the men of our past define us. They want us to lash out, lower ourselves to their level. But it is our job to remain civilized. So you're gonna let Chuck have the assistant position then? I said "civilized," not lobotomized. Oh, Miss Chamberlin, so good of you to come. Earl Grey, if I'm not mistaken? - What is going on? - It's better not to know. Plausible deniability. I agreed to meet because your mother and I have crossed paths on occasion and I felt it a professional courtesy. Oh. Did you know that my mother remarried? Amazing man. Your point? I was sorry to hear about your unfortunate divorce a few years ago. - I beg your pardon? - Oh, boy. You and I both know power is the greatest aphrodisiac except, of course, when women have it. Your ex-husband, for example. - I mean, the nanny. How cliché. - I'm listening. My stepfather has surrounded himself with people who are not intimidated by a woman's success. One of the partners at his firm is exceptionally attractive and I don't mean to sound forward but I'd love to introduce you at the Hamilton House party tonight. Well, I was going to be at the party, anyway, so... Well, then I'll make a call. That is, of course, if the assistant position is still available. Let's just say that nothing is set in stone. Hmm. I'm sorry, did you say "scone"? No, no, no. I don't care how late she is for her audition. Flight attendant. So quick to judge. How's school going? Terrible. I can't be late. I can get you a copy of my schedule so we can stop doing this. Why would we wanna do that? You put a different girl into a cab every day. If you think I'd be one of them, you're out of your mind. I think nothing of the sort. In fact, I leave at this time on purpose hoping to get to see you. Good. Then I'm taking the cab. Scoot over. Hey. What are you doing here? Hey, uh, Lily's not around, right? She and Eric are visiting colleges. Just us. Why? Okay. Well, there's... There's a rumor going around that Serena has, um... She has... She has something. - Has something? - Yeah. Please get there faster. Oh, you mean...? - Oh. Oh, boy. - Yeah. Yeah. It's not true. There was a picture of me with Nate at the health center so I'm sure Vanessa thinks that something more than a kiss happened between me and Serena. - Did it? - No. I've told her that a hundred times. But she slept in the other room last night and when I woke up, she wasn't there. I thought you'd be glad I was sharing with you. I am, I am. But you're not gonna like what I have to say. Serena is a formidable woman and what you shared is a big love. You can't blame Vanessa for being insecure. You need to show her she doesn't have anything to be worried about. I've told her that. I'm not gonna stop talking to Serena, cut her out of my life. All I'm saying is, at least for right now Vanessa needs to know that she's the only one you care about. I need to talk to you. Oh, I'm in a hurry. Now is not a good time. Tell me what happened between you and Dan. Isn't that a conversation you should have with him? I did. But I can't trust him when it comes to you. What does that mean? It wouldn't be the first time a guy had lied to cover up a night spent with you. You know, Vanessa, you always wanna believe the worst in people. - Why change now? - Exactly. Glad to see you took me up on my offer. I hope you like my signature martinis. I'm tired of making dossiers and carrying cherry pies. This will be good practice if I decide to take Blair down myself. Well, don't get ahead of yourself, but I appreciate the enthusiasm. What did you find out? Hi. I just got your text. What's up? Yeah. I found out that test results could take three or four days to get back. - Wow. - Yeah. Three or four days. I can't believe our night's being derailed by this. Unless there's another way that we can know for sure. I mean, Serena must have talked or e-mailed someone about whether the rumors were true or not. I guess I could talk to Blair. Yeah. - She'd probably take the fifth. - Mm. How else are we gonna find out? No. Forget it. I just think the anticipation is making me crazy. Well, I'm gonna go home. We should both get ready and I am gonna start by taking a cold shower. Okay. I think we're ready. - You think? - I can't just come out and ask him to steal Serena's phone. But trust me, he's right where we need him to be. Good. If anything goes wrong, it'll be on him. Right. Just like we planned. I have to go. Vanessa? What are you doing up here? I think Dan and Serena slept together when we were still going out. Oh, my God. Are you sure? That's the problem. They deny it. Sorry to unload on you like this. - I feel like I'm losing my mind. - You have to find out for sure. How? I think I might have an idea. That is, of course, if you're up for it. Right now, I'm up for anything, believe me. Then call Dan. Tell him you wanna talk and we'll meet him and Nate at Hamilton House tonight. Are you sure? Trust me. Things have a way of working out when you least expect it. Where have you been? I know, I'm late again. So I take it the meeting with your professor did not go well. It didn't go at all. I didn't make it. You know there's a clock on your cell phone. Yes, yes. But it wasn't my fault. I e-mailed him and begged for five minutes of his time. Then we settle all Columbia business tonight. It happens that Miss Chamberlin... B, can I just wish you good luck and take plausible deniability on this one? Luck not needed but right back at you. You're a natural. I said Serena forgot something. One smile at the coat check guy and he handed it right over. Now check her e-mail. If Serena and Dan slept together, there's bound to be a message about the rumor. This feels very wrong. It's the only way you'll know for sure. There's an e-mail from Dan a few hours ago. What? "If Vanessa thinks something more than a kiss happened between us even though it didn't I need to show her I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things work." - Now you have your answer. - We have to put this back. Wait, wait, wait. My boyfriend dated her too. You're not the only one with Serena insecurity. Okay, well, then hurry up. Shoot. I think someone's coming. Coast is clear. Well? Nothing. Thank God. Come on, let's get out of here. Okay, wait. I told Dan that I needed to talk. What do I say now? He's a guy. Do you think he really wants to talk? Just take him home and show him you're ready to move on. Twice, if necessary. Thank you. Nate's a lucky guy. You guys make a really good couple. Yeah. We do don't we? Pardon the interruption, but you have an important call. Blair Waldorf. I'm Miss Chamberlin's new assistant. Confident, I see. When destiny calls? Always. Especially when it arrives right on time. Nothing says soul mate like punctuality. Hey, Vanessa. Dan. Nate. Um, Juliet's looking for you. Thank you. Hey. - Hey, what's going on? - What do you mean? I mean, like, why are you smiling so much? I'm just... I'm... I'm glad to see you. I thought you were mad at me. I'm confused here. Okay, wait a second. Now, I'm... Now I'm really confused. You said we needed to talk. We already did. I wasn't listening. What do you say we get out, show you how much we don't need to talk? I don't know. I mean, I'm pretty stubborn. It might take all night. Well, then I guess you'll need your strength. Let's load up on free appetizers before we leave. Hamilton House is where dreams come true. On that, we agree. There. Shall we? Beautiful scarf. Well, as we work together, you'll come to find that your tastes are my tastes. Guess who? Sam, hi. I must say, Blair did not do you justice. I know the feeling. You thought this was my special someone. No. I mean, unless... Since I'm a powerful, career-driven woman who intimidates men I must be a lesbian. No. This was not the date I set up. He was an intellectual property lawyer who does pro bono work helping kids sue Hollywood for stealing their Twitter ideas. Then I suggest you see if he needs an assistant. My class is full. Forever. Great scarf, by the way. Dean Reuther, Serena van der Woodsen. Professor Lawford, I'm so sorry I didn't make our meeting this morning. As I mentioned in my e-mail I'm hoping to impress upon you, upon both of you that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to succeed. Yes. The e-mail that you sent to Professor Lawford makes that clear. I'm sorry? Perhaps we should have this conversation in private. And what conversation would that be? The one regarding your e-mail that offers sex for grades. What? I didn't do that. I would never do that. That is your e-mail address, is it not? Yes, but I didn't send this. Miss van der Woodsen, obviously, we pay no mind to childish rumors that circulate all college campuses. But this e-mail is extremely serious. The consequence of sending it, I'm afraid, is expulsion. Expulsion? Spotted Serena van der Woodsen looking like she's hot for teacher. That's the thing about a good gaslight. With enough smoke, who cares if there's really a fire? Did you send that e-mail? The one that came from Serena's phone, offering sex? What? Why would I do that? It sounds like an idea that Serena would get all on her own. I don't think she would do that. I'm gonna tell her we had her phone. Wait. Don't. Maybe if we had access to it, then somebody else did as well. I didn't send that e-mail, but if you tell her that we took her phone she'll blame us, I could get expelled. - And so could she. If you didn't send it, then you have nothing to worry about. Where is Martha's date? Penthouse suite of The Empire with a woman he won't wanna leave until morning. Maybe afternoon. Depends on his cardio. I was going to play nice. - You think I don't have a plan B? - Plan B? What could be more cunning and devious than date night? I had Dorota get chummy with Martha's maid who came over from her sweat shop in the Philippines. I'll blackmail her. Maid scandal? Nobody's cared about those. A lesbian switcheroo doesn't make you Blackwater. Switcheroo was for fun. The IRS agent standing by to crawl up Martha's audit is not. A tax fraud set-up? They give away Girl Scout badges for that. I have her prenup. It has details. I have the nanny. She has pictures. Martha's ex is in them and so is Martha. It turns out it was a threesome until the nanny turned it into a twosome. Oh, my God. You students are psychotic. I have better things to do with my time. Tell the dean I quit. Shame. Sounded like a great class. If you'll excuse me I've heard good things about the make-your-own pizza bar. My phone isn't here. Whoever stole it must have sent the e-mail. A missing cell phone is hardly proof. I'll see you in my office on Monday and we'll talk about what's next. Don't do this. You don't go to Columbia. They can't do anything to you. - I'm sorry, but it's the right thing to do. - Wait. Serena. Call your phone. Maybe the person who stole it might still be here. Hey. Hey. What's going on? Vanessa stole my phone and sent an e-mail to my professor. That's crazy. Really? Do you wanna answer that? I'll speak with you later. I can explain. - You took Serena's phone? - She thinks we slept together. You were the one behind the Gossip Girl rumor. What? No. I know how this looks, but I did not send out that e-mail. Juliet did. She wanted to steal your phone. Are you kidding me? There is no way that I'm getting dragged into this. Wasn't gonna say anything, but Vanessa came to me. She asked me to help her get revenge and I told her no. That is a lie. No, it's not. Juliet told me before the party. She was hoping to talk to Vanessa and calm her down. But I'm sorry, man. Is that why you were so happy earlier and you wanted to get out of here? With my phone, so she could get rid of the evidence, make sure I was expelled. I did not do this. After everything we've been through, I'm asking you to please believe me. I don't know what to believe right now. - Vanessa... - Don't. I'm sorry. Okay? I wanted to be friends, but what did you expect me to do? I had to protect myself. You're right. You do. Poor V. Didn't she know that in love and war a friend in need is willing to do most any deed? I believe you didn't send that e-mail but I can't ignore the level of drama that has followed you to my campus and grown even louder since you arrived. Meaning? Women of my generation had to fight for every opportunity and to be taken seriously and your attitude makes a mockery of that. If I were you, I would rethink my priorities. Good night. Miss Waldorf, I have my eye on you as well. Plausible deniability was a good call. Speaking of denials, you've been cleared in the court of public opinion. Gossip Girl sent out an official retraction and apology to you about the rumor. Not to mention, she said, whatever person sent it is now on her hit list. - Yeah, well, it was Vanessa. - Vanessa? Oh, Gossip Girl's scorn will only increase her social standing. How did you figure it out? Uh, ironically, it was Juliet I have to thank for that. If you'll excuse me. I was just telling Blair I have you to thank for clearing my name. I know we got off on the wrong foot. But it's just because I was jealous of how much you meant to Nate and I'm sorry. Well, boys will do it almost every time. Yeah, if they weren't so darn cute. - Are you sure you're gonna be okay? - Yeah. Do you maybe wanna grab a drink with us? Uh, no, I actually just wanna get out of here. I'll see you in class. Yeah. Don't be late. What are you still doing here? I lost the assistant position. The entire faculty thinks I'm just as crazy as you. You've made your point. Can't you take your little celebration elsewhere? If you think I take tonight as some sort of balancing of the scales, I don't. I'm not trying to make a point, Blair. This is just a warm up. Whatever you want, wherever you want it I'm going to be there to take it away from you. I won't stop until you have nothing. You wouldn't go that far. Who knows my limits? Since you took away my future. That wasn't your future. That was Henry Prince's. - Destroying me won't make you happy. - Happier. The only thing that will make you happy you lost the moment you slept with Jenny Humphrey. And that was the best thing that ever happened to me because I got over you forever. If that's the truth, then why haven't you told anyone about Jenny? Not your family, not your minions, not Gossip Girl. I know you're not keeping that secret to protect me. You wouldn't. That revelation would result in mutual destruction. You may be homicidal but you're not suicidal. A man with nothing to live for is capable of anything. I'm gonna stay with my parents for a little while. That's... That's probably a good idea. I think I could use some time alone too. Dan, it's really important to me that you know I didn't start any rumors or send out that e-mail. I believe you. I think. But it doesn't change the fact that you didn't believe me. I know that now. It's just too bad that it took losing you to figure it out. The Red Snapper. Excellent choice. What do you think? I think it's a Bloody Mary with an inferiority complex. Fair enough. So drinking alone, are we? You've made it pretty clear you're out of my league. What do you have to lose by answering? I prefer not to encourage this kind of behavior. Tell you what. One drink, one question. Tell me why you're drinking alone and I'll tell you anything you want. I thought I could start over but it turns out college is just high school with more expensive books. There's no starting over. No matter where I go, whatever I do, my past seems to follow me. So, what about you? Why are you with a different girl every night? Because I stopped apologizing for my past a long time ago. Does that really work? Does that actually make you happy? It did. The law of affinity refers to unlikely compositions forming a bond through a purely chemical reaction. Why didn't you stick to the plan? Like I said, I thought Vanessa was the better option. Well, she wasn't. Serena didn't get expelled. But now I'm in with Serena. I can become her confidant, find something bigger to take her down. Good. Because now you have no choice. I better not find out this was about protecting Nate. Because if you're falling for him... I'm not. I swear. I guess I have to trust you. Yeah, I guess you do. But even the strongest bonds have their limits. And when broken... You sure about this? Mm-hm. Now that we know Vanessa was behind the rumors absolutely. that if left unchecked explode like a nuclear bomb. Veronica. You still work with Tim Gunn? I need to get an interview for someone who will be applying to Parsons. Perfect. Yeah, her name's Jenny Humphrey. Thanks. Waiting for the fallout. XOXO, Gossip Girl. [Rihanna] - Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that's alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that's alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie [Eminem] - I can't tell you what it really is I can only tell you what it feels like And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight High off of love, drunk from my hate, It's like I'm huffing pain and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me She fucking hates me and I love it. Wait! Where you going? "I'm leaving you" No you ain't. Come back we're running right back. Here we go again It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped Who's that dude? I don't even know his name I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again I guess I don't know my own strength [Rihanna] - Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that's alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that's alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie [Eminem] - You ever love somebody so much, You can barely breathe when you're with 'em You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em Got that warm fuzzy feeling Yeah, them chills you used to get 'em Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em Now you're in each other's face spewing venom, in your words when you spit them You push pull each other's hair, scratch claw hit 'em Throw 'em down pin 'em So lost in the moments when you're in them It's the rage that took over it controls you both So they say you're best to go your separate ways Guess if they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterday Yesterday is over, it's a different day Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her Next time you show restraint, You don't get another chance Life is no Nintendo game But you lied again Now you get to watch her leave out the window Guess that's why they call it window pane [Rihanna] - Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that's alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that's alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie [Eminem] - Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine But your temper's just as bad as mine is, You're the same as me But when it comes to love you're just as blinded Baby, please come back It wasn't you, baby it was me Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano All I know is I love you too much to walk away though Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk I told you this is my fault, Look me in the eyeball Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall Next time. There won't be no next time I apologize even though I know its lies I'm tired of the games I just want her back, I know I'm a liar If she ever tries to fucking leave again Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire [I'm just gonna] [Rihanna] -Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that's alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that's alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie Jesus Christ, what are you doing? Somebody is in here. Bruce, it's okay. No, it's not okay. Somebody could be ripping you off. Hey, barb, you gonna make some coffee? Who is that? In a second! Who is that, Barb? His name is Todd. Who is Todd? He's my husband. We're separated. We're still married, but we're separated. If you're separated, why is he in your apartment At 6:30 in the morning? He lives here. I know, that sounds... Terrible. That's not a separation, barb. I know it doesn't sound like it is, But he doesn't live... he doesn't stay here. He stays in the computer room next door. We have totally separate lives. He's looking for another place as we speak. I couldn't just throw him out on the streets. I'm so sorry, bruce. I was trying... I meant to tell you, it just... Okay, I get it. We're good. You're roommates. Well... Yeah, technically, we are. But, I mean, I... Imagine this must be very difficult... No. For you to hear. I mean, he's cool with it, you're cool with it. So of course I'm cool with it. What do you think the reservations book is for? I think it's for reservations. Oh, so you can imagine my surprise When I found page after page Of hangman and tic-tac-toe in here. Well, it's not like anybody Actually ever makes a reservation. Of course they don't, because think think that the book Is filled up with your doodles. I'm sure that's it. What are you doing? I'm writing what you told me in my journal. Why would you keep a journal in the reservation book? I don't keep it in the reservation book. I'm not an idiot. Don't ever touch the reservation book again. Understand? Don't go looking for my secrets. Don't you squint your eyes at me in anger... Ever! It was nice talking to you, bruce, on our way in From the parking lot. Wow, that's strange. You guys both have the same travel mug. You must also go to that coffee silo On route 17. Yes, I went there this morning, Even though it's five miles out of my way. Yes, but you really love their coffee, So that would make sense. I think that's self-evident, barb. 'cause I have it in my hand. Okay. Ahem, so let's... Start the meeting. Actually, the meeting is just finishing. So if no one has any other business, I move to adjourn. Oh, I actually have a question. Yes? I'm curious. If I were to start working at a restaurant I used to work at, How would that make you feel? Are you working at a restaurant That you used to work at? Well, my response to that would be, Why would it matter if you've moved on, Have a healthy relationship with your current restaurant, Then old restaurants don't matter. It matters because there's an employer-employee bond, Which is sacred. Now, if there's something wrong with this restaurant That's not satisfying you, I think you should discuss that with me... You seem really upset, ken. I think this restaurant is satisfying... Very angry. Yes! Yes! I think this restaurant satisfies her. I'm sorry that we don't have a lot of fancy brass And fake knickknacks. This is the real deal, young lady. And a lot ofomen would be very happy To be in this restaurant. So the next time you feel a need To take your little order pad and drag it through town Like nasty whore, How 'bout giving me a heads-up! Hey! Uh, bruce, that travel mug you have That looks nothing like barb's Is leaking all over you. Thank you. Mm. Order up. Krista. Yeah? I need you to do me a huge favor. Sure. I need you to tell bruce that it's insane To be in a relationship with me. Why would I do that? You guys are so cute and pathetic together. Thank you. I told him this morning that I'm still married And still living with my husband, And he had no reaction. That's what makes bruce awesome. I mean, it's insane to be in a relationship With someone who's married. If I had stayed away from married men, I would have missed out On one of the most passionate relationships In my entire life. Larry... What are you doin' here? That's so weird. Larry, who is this? Larry... Hot dog? That was a great weekend. Don't judge me, jorge. I know you have two wives. I don't know. I still feel like if he really cared about me, This would upset him. Do you really want to make bruce jealous? Yes. Are you prepared to break him in a way You've never broken another man in your entire life? Absolutely. Let's talk. Hey. Hey, sweetie. Listen... Sorry I was so grumpers this morning. That's okay. Where were you for lunch? I promised Todd I'd take his wrestling trophies to get cleaned. Ugh, that sounds tedious. Yeah, my arm is killing me. They're so heavy. There's so many of them. There's like a million trophies. Um, state champ. State champ. State champ. It's so annoying. He's, like, good at everything. Oh, man. That's why my bag was so heavy. My wedding album... Was in here. What? So crazy. Don't know how that got in there. Man, this was one of the happiest days of my life. Bruce, I did not want you to see These erotic pictures of me and todd. These are not for your eyes. I am so embarrassed right now. Oh... Sorry. That is so uncomfortable. Barb, this makes me furious. It does? Yeah. How the hell do you get on google? Do you know how? No, I don't know. Look, if you don't want to clean todd's trophies, Get jorge to do it. Hey, Cal, take this donut of mine, would you? What's wrong with it? I'm looking at gunshot wound website here, And it's making me sick. Hey. Hey, Bruce! Can I talk to you? Yeah, what do you got? You know that me and barb have been seeing each other, right? You'd have to be a moron not to know that. Okay. You and barb are seeing each other? Yeah. This is awesome! Bruce, it may come as a surprise to you, But I've always thought of you as kind of a father. Like, barb's like, kind of like my mom A little bit, so... It's like my mom and my dad Are hooking up for the first time. This is awesome! Can you watch the bar really quick? I have to go journal about this. Okay. Anyway, she just told me That she's not divorced. She's separated. Mm-hmm. Which I was fine with, but then I started picking up This subtle vibe from her that... I should be more upset that she's only separated. Am I crazy? Well, why would you be upset. You're getting the milk for free, And you can't possibly buy that cow. Yeah, exactly. Mm-hmm. And who cares if you're sleeping with a married woman. As long as she's fine with it. Uh-huh. Even if she's living with the guy. What? Even if she's living with the guy. Come here, with me, now. Where? Lock that door behind you. Got it locked? Yeah. Jesus christ. Here it is. It's a kendrick 500. Manually operated pump action smooth bore. It's got an optional pistol grip. Saw it off for concealability. Jesus christ, don't point that, hickey! Don't worry about it, kid. I never put this thing away when it's loaded. What do you have that for? Hey, I gotta be ready when the shit comes down, huh? Here. Why you giving this to me? Bruce, you're sleeping with a married woman, no problem. You sleep with a married woman who's separated Whose husband's on the other side of the wall, It's like a time bomb. Okay. Thank you, hickey. I think everything's fine. Ah, like my grandmother used to say: Better to have it and not need it Than need it and not have it. Your grandma had a shotgun? No, she was talking about her sun hat. But it's the same principal, kid. No. No, no. I appreciate it, But now I know where it is, okay? No skin off my dick, But I'll tell you what: Jump up there and put it away. My knees are killing me. Excuse me, is barb around? Yeah, I think she's pooping. She'll be out in a second. Oh, my God! My husband Todd. Can't believe he's here. Oh! This is so awkward. You called me about your car. I did. I called him. Because my car was smoking. I needed a ride home... really? It wasn't smoking this morning When I followed you to work. It may have been yesterday morning. No, 'cause we drove together yesterday. Barb, is the car smoking? Can you shut up? I am so sorry. This is so awkward right now. I'm... So uncomfortable. Ugh! God. Uh, by the way, my name's bruce. Hey, I'm todd, man. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you. Awkward, awkward stuff. You just shook hands With this man who I was intimate with For so many years. Don't sweat it. It's done. Here, sit down. You want a beer? I would love one, yeah. Barb, can we get a couple beers? So what do you do, todd? Well, um, uh, I'm in sales. Oh! Interesting. I do mostly carpet sales, stuff like that. Indoor-outdoor. What is this? Bruce, you don't know about armpit or vagina? No. Okay, these are close-up pictures. What do you think... armpit or vagina? This is insane, man. Yeah, it's the best. Uh, armpit. Vagina. What? You got fooled by the deodorant. Well, how is that a vagina? It's a vagina. That is not a vagina, todd. Yes, it is. That is not a vagina. This is... Getting too awkward to watch. You guys trying to make some sort of a connection. We should probably get going, todd. What's the rush, barb? Yeah. It's awkward. Uh, maybe it'd be less awkward If you said "awkward" a few more times. Yeah, do that, Barb. Bruce, I want to pull up the schedule here. And you tell me how to go with these suns games, 'cause I don't know the team that well. All right, they're on the road starting Thursday. Yeah. Hold on. Hickey. Yep? Come here for a minute. Your internet went down. I'm good right here, bruce. Please give me a hand? Jiggle it. Get up. Stand up right now. Why? Rough place. 4, 3, 2, 1! No! Ahh, I am not good at pop-a-shot. Pay up, sucker. Aw, man. I'll tell you what I am good at. What? Nut shots. Hey, come on. Are you gay? Good. Good stuff. Todd, I'd like to go home, so... Okay, well, I'm into this guy for 100 bucks. So I'm not leaving. Yeah. I would really like to go home now. Okay, Barb. Allow me to give you some cab money. That was a good impression. I know, it sounded just like her. Good night, mom. She doesn't like being called mom. Too far? Too far. We should do some more shots. It didn't work. Todd said this morning that Bruce is his new best friend. I don't know, there's just nothing That will make him jealous. Would you be willing to have bruce Walk in on you having sex with another guy? Oh, God, kristen, no! Okay! Then try this on. Why? It's a shirt. No, it's a dress. Cooter cut. Is there anything else that I can get you? No, I think I'm good, If I could just get the check. That would be great. Oh... Are you sure... There's not anything else? Nah, I better not. I think I've had enough. But thanks. I just thought that there Might be something else That I could offer you. Nope. Bruce, check out barb. What's up with that? Just the check, this is... Fine. Come on. Ow! Ow! Ow! Please don't touch me there. That's crazy. Barb, what the hell are you doing? What? Oh, bruce. I'm sorry. We were just talking. It's not a big deal. I don't care about that. You are supposed to be in the bathroom Cleaning it right now. Okay? Yeah, I didn't know it was my turn to clean the bathroom. It's your turn. We don't have a separate employee To clean up the bathroom. I need to talk to you for a second. My God, Barb, why are you dressed like that? It's a long story. You're wearing a shirt as a dress. Ken, I don't know if you know this, But I'm having an affair with bruce, and I need... Are you out of your mind? What do you think you're doing? I don't know. I mean, we have a good time together. No. We have a lot in common. Not the affair. Everyone knows about that. I mean, why are you telling me? I have worked very hard to make sure nobody Has ever spoken about that in front of me. I had plausible deniability. Now I've left myself open for a sexual harassment suit. Thank you very much. This isn't about you, ken. I'm an adult, and I can make my own decisions. Not good ones. What I wanted to know... Is I told bruce that I'm still married And I still live with my husband, And he had no reaction to it. Course he didn't, barb. As his brother, I'm gonna tell you that my brother Is a sociopath. He isn't capable of human emotion. He can't feel empathy. He hurts everything he loves. I should know. He loves me, and all of my worst memories Are associated with him. You need to get out of this, now. That's the way to be safe. And we can also avoid a sexual harassment suit that way. That's what this is about right now? A little bit. Mostly... I can't believe you, ken! I bring my heart to you. I'm bringing an open heart That's been wounded to you. I know, and I care about it... And that's what you're talking about? Only part of it. A lawsuit? Who cares, right? I don't care. You do care. A little bit, I do. Ken, I would never sue the bar. Really? Would you be willing to put that in writing And then we'll get it signed by a notary public And then no one has to worry and then we can just relate And I can... Oh, my God! This is why they call you the tin man. Who calls me the tin man? Everyone! And I never got it until now. It's 'cause you don't have a heart. Maybe it's because I'm resilient to criticism. It's 'cause you don't have a heart, ken. You know what? I deserve it. Sometimes I don't think how much I should care about people. I do... Okay. I care. You don't care. I want to comfort you physically, But we need to open that door for legal reasons, If that's okay. Bruce, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah. I have been thinking about things. And I've come to the conclusion That we should probably break up. Is this about me not having a big reaction To you still living with todd? Are you having a big reaction right now? No. What are you guys talking about? Actually, barb's talking about breaking up with me. Guys, you can't break up. You're like my mom and dad that I never had. You have a mom and dad, calvin. No, I don't. My dad is a flight attendant, And my mom drives a forklift! I gotta journal about this. So now that we're broken up, If there's anything that you'd like to share with me, I'm open to hearing it. Barb, honestly, I don't have a problem with it. I'm sorry. Asshole! Calvin! Calm down. You're... Not... My... Real... Dad! What, Ken? You need to convince Barb you're jealous to win her back. Why? Because she's very emotional. And women like that file sexual harassment suits. Why do you think barb's gonna file a suit against us? Because I suggested that she sign a document Saying she wouldn't file a suit, and she refused. This whole thing is me making barb believe I'm jealous of her husband Just to protect our ass from a lawsuit. You don't give a shit about us. I give a little bit of a shit about you. You care about her. I'm looking out for you. In your own weird, dysfunctional, Sort of half-not-there way, You care about her. And if you want to keep her, You're gonna have to lie a little bit. I can't lie about something I don't feel. I can't fake emotion. Nonsense. You're the best at pretending to have emotions Of anybody I've ever met. When we were children, you would cry And make believe I hate you, just to get me punished. When I got married, you gave the most beautiful, Heartfelt toast I've ever heard. I cried. Thank you. Yeah, and then five minutes later, In the bathroom, you told me I need to get away From that horrible bitch Before she crippled me emotionally. I was right. When we care about someone, We tell them lies. It's part of being in a relationship. I can't believe I'm taking advice From an emotionally retarded man. But I get it. I'll make her a nice card, and I'll write a poem And say I'm jealous of her husband. No, jealousy is immediate and visceral. This needs to be face to face. Immediate and visceral. Hello, players, A great place to touch down. We absolutely take reservations. Mm-hmm. Just one moment, mr. Martell, And that's... That's for four? Okay. Good night, kid. See ya. I've got you. Night, ken. Hickey, hold on. What do you got? I need you to stick around. What? Bruce is gonna pretend to be jealous of barb, So they get back together. I think it would be nice if there was a little audience. Who's bright idea was that? Me. Yours? Hook up with some cops. You're a single lady now. Barb tolen, hold it right there. I need to talk to you. Who the hell do you think you are, Treating me like some kind of house boy all the time. Just have sex with me and then run home to your husband? Todd. And what's so great about todd anyways, huh? Does todd own a sports bar? No, he doesn't. Does todd know the words to every verse Of the super bowl shuffle? I don't think so! Does todd wait until you're satisfied Before he finishes At least one out of three times when you have sex? I don't believe that! You need to make up your mind, buddy! You should have never lied to me! You don't lie to me, Barb. You need to make up your mind right now. Who do you want, me... Or Todd? Or do you think you can have both? You can't make up your mind, can you? I'm gonna make it up for you. How's that sound? Bruce, what are you doing? What the hell? Ah! It's a gun! This is what I'm doin'! Yeah, I'm gonna blow your fucking head off. 'cause if I can't have you, nobody gets you. Second thought, I'm gonna kill todd. That way, I can have you all to myself. I'm gonna kill todd. You told me this was unloaded! I forgot. What are you doing? ! My journal! My journal! Journal? Wait a minute! Just...give me the knife. Give me the knife. Give me the knife! God, I can't believe I thought for a second That you didn't care about me. Hmm. I mean... What you did out there, That was so beautiful, Bruce. It was like... I don't know. It was like something out of shakespeare. It was amazing. I don't know, I... Was blind with rage. I mean, Todd had you for years, and I didn't like that. I know. You know, Bruce, I'm obsessed with you too. I can't tell you the number of times I've thought about getting a shotgun and shooting you in the face. Jay are you awake? Hey. How was breakfast, pup? Hey. Will you smell doug's breath and tell me if it's turned? I've never smelled anything that bad in my entire life. And I'm steve. I know. Say, will you do me a huge favor? I guess, but I really don't like doing things I don't like to do. I've got two tickets to kaleidoscope funk network and brian won't go because they're not metal, and it's a three-hour drive. They're my favorite jam band. They're awesome. They turn songs into these amazing musical journeys. Would you go with me? It would really mean a lot. I'm sorry, steve, but this request has put too much strain on our friendship. Sarah you owe me one. Remember? It is so wonderful to finally have one of steve's girlfriends here to dinner. Most of them have lived so far away they've been unable to visit. Girlfriend. Please. Steve's gay. I mean, he's barely gay. I mean, it's not like he's witty or urbane or can take care of himself or has a good physique or makes money, or... has any passion for culture and the arts or anything. I mean, he's still a... a middle-aged failure. He just has sex with men. You've got something right here. They disowned me because of that. I know. I can't imagine how painful that must be, steve. But don't you see that forcing me to listen to jam band music will only create a second tragedy? Come on, sarah It's the least you can do. No, it isn't. This is the least I can do. Sarah Fine. I'll go. Yes! Well, I'm glad you finally got up in time for me to say good-bye before going to the kaleidoscope funk network show. I'm glad I got up in time to get some cereal in my belly. Yeah, I'll, uh, see you later. Oh, miniture coffies, I've waited all last night for you. ********** Can I speak to you for a moment? Sure. What's going on, nurse laura? Jay seems to have developed some sort of sleep condition in which he laughs continuously in his sleep. Like, like, full-on cracking up. Is that normal? It's not necessarily normal, but it is a thing. It's known as... a "laugh-mare". There's nothing much you can do, but I would make the best of it. Wait, why is it called a laugh-mare? Because when you have a nightmare, youre not... "nighting" is this a comedian routine? No. It sounds like something a comedian would do, right? He wouldn't know. I don't--he doesn't know. yes! Come on. Come on. Look, sarah if you're gonna enjoy this experience at all, you've got to just give in to it. Let yourself go. I'm letting myself go. If this is anywhere near as fun as how bad it smells, it's gonna be a blast. Look, why don't you do some lsd with me? It might take the edge off. No. Free hugs! Get your free hugs. Free hug for the lady ? yeah, I'm gonna need this. Dude? Oh, my god! He put it in his eye! Thanks a lot. We'll see you tomorrow night. Good night! That's it! Yes! That was a... that was a journey. That was me and them... that was you- that was me and them and us and we're, like, a fun... like, a happy mush ball. Really? I think you're just on acid. The drugs made me realize it's not about the drugs. I want more of this. I need more of this. We're coming back here tomorrow night and every night they play. Yeah, that sounds pretty acid-y. Life is too short to not have kaleidoscope funk network in our ears. Oh, my god. You don't know how happy that makes me, sarah Let's do it! Free hug for the lady ? ? You been taking some drugs ? ? now you're needing a hug ? ? my hugs, baby ? ? they're for free ? ? don't be alarmed ? ? just run to my arms ? I love you! ? 'Cause free is what a hug should be ? I love you so much! I can't believe how close we are. Oh, my god. Sarah you want to take some acid with me? No way. I want all my senses intact. I want to really appreciate their music. I just want to take it all in no filter. Yeah, fine. I'll take both. I've been trying to push myself more lately anyway. What do a dog and a tree have in common? Both of their bark is rough. Hey, did you hear about the astronaut who left his wife? Turns out he just needed more space. Hey, uh, what do you get when you cross a tiger with richard simmons? I don't know, but keep it the heck away from me. Watch it. stop it! All right, thanks a lot. We'll be back shortly for three more hours of music. Three hours! Hours? Hours? Listen up, everybody! I'm sarah silverman and i realized something tonight that you all need to know. You are not jam band music fans. You are drug fans. It's true! It's true! Okay, let's do an experiment. Okay? Put all of your drugs in this hat. If you believe that it's the music... -if you really believe it's the music and not the drugs, then you should have no problem with it. And then come back tomorrow and see if you still like this garbage when you're sober. Thanks a lot. Hey, we'll be right back. Okay, so we all agreed. Nobody took acid or ecstasy, right? That includes candy flipping. I'm looking at you, fuzzy pants. All right, so everybody's sober? Yeah, and we still love kaleidoscope funk network! Okay, okay, okay. You aren't on drugs. You just have a pacifier in your mouth, because that's what adults do. Well, if none of you are tripping, then this image shouldn't bother you. RAGNO! RAGNO! RAGNO! RAGNO! RAGNO! You have no one to blame but yourselves. If you had held up your end of the deal, then you wouldn't be freaking out right now. I'm trying to make a point here. That kaleidoscope funk network is an excuse to do drugs. They aren't musicians as much as they're.... ear rapists. Now you all made a deal. Let's come back and try this again tomorrow. All right, let's try this again. Are you guys on drugs? NO. You make it hard to trust you. RAGNO! RAGNO! RAGNO! RAGNO! RAGNO! RAGNO! RAGNO! RAGNO! Okay. Wow. You're sober. Thank you. Well, then with no further ado, kaleidoscope funk network. I don't care for this. It's kinda meandering. ****** I want to go back to law school. Why do we keep letting her on stage? Jay? Jay, are you awake? Hi. Welcome to laugh-mares with laura, starring your hostess ********** me. I'd like to welcome our first guest tonight. You've seen him at romanski's cooking. Ladies and gentlemen, eddie. Eddie, hello. Hey. Come on in Oh, have a seat right over there. So? Thanks. Thanks for having me... to whatever this is. Oh, it's okay. He's sleeping. Um, so, eddie, tell us a little bit about yourself. Well, I cook breakfast for people. I make, uh, you know, omelets, sausage, bacon. I guess you could say I bring home the bacon by frying up the bacon. Hey, this is fun. Yeah. I'm getting some really negative vibes off of you, steve. Tickle fight. Now you tickle me now. You tickle me now. I can't believe you! Once again you deliberately expose... a painful truth that ruined my life! No, I didn't. You "juno-ed" kaleidoscope funk network for me. I "ju--" what? You took something that I love and pointed out everything that was wrong about it and made he hate it. You "juno-ed" it! What kind of person does that? I'm sorry. I feel bad. What if I fix the original sin? What if I make your parents love you again? You'd have to forgive me. How? If we learned anything from this whole kaleidoscope funk network debacle, it's that I have a way with people. Free hug? look, just because your son's a homosexual and has intercourse with a gigantic man who looks just like him, it doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve his parent's love. Enough! I will not be subjected to this verbal pornography. Don't go anywhere. That did not work at all. Oh, really? I can't believe describing the size of the man I have sex with to my parents didn't work. I got it! What would make people appreciate hearing something that would otherwise sound horrible to them? Okay, I think we're all wound a little tight tonight. But I think... this may sound a little crazy, but I think it might help matters if you took lsd. Lsd? We're not the kind of people who do that. Don't you get it? Your son loves penis! He's gonna love penis until the mountains crumble to the sea. He's not gonna change. The only thing that can change is your perspective. And the only way to change your perspective, the only.... hope of reconciliation with your beloved son, is to immediately take lsd. Well... Maybe she's right. Under the circumstances, I suppose the... most sensible thing would be to... Take it. Good. Good. Okay. Okay, here's an assortment for you to choose from. Okay, let's see here. What are these blue... pyramid-shape ones? Okay, those are the gel tabs. They're really intense. They're not as visual as the blotters. The blotter? That's the one with the cartoon characters? Exactly. Billy the bull. They're, uh, really visual. They give you some intense visuals, but they're not as "thinky" as the gel tabs your wife's been looking at. I see. Dear, it sounds like you prefer the blotters. Why don't you take the bull, and I'll take the blue pyramid gel tabs? Excellent. There you go. welcome back, everybody. I am so excited. Our next guest is star of stage and screen. Please welcome mr. billy crudup. entree. Nice to meet you, sir. Take a seat. Okay. Wonderful. Make yourself comfortable there. Thank you. So welcome to laugh-mares. Thank you. How have you been? I've been a bit confused actually. I see. I see. I'm sorry. Is he asleep? Oh, my co-host? [laughs] He's, yes, completely unconscious. You know, I don't feel completely safe at the moment. Oh, billy, I can assure you you are among friends here and big fans. You were just amazing in jesus' son. I mean, I was just, like... Blown away! Really, really terrific. Well, thank you. Thank you. Great work. So you just do this with all of your favorite actors or am I incredibly lucky? Wow. Hey, I wish the critics had been asleep for inventing the abbotts. Zing. He almost-look at this. Oh, gosh. We'll be right back. More billy, more silly after the break. VaGinas and your son are like... oil and water. But that's no reason for you to not love and care for him. Mom! It's me, steve. I came from in your body. Maybe we should go. Wanna go? Hey, sarah I just want to thank you. I... my parents used to be such a towering presence in my life and... after seeing them writhe around on the floor, trying to chew the legs of coffee tables, i realized... I don't need them to approve of who I am. I approve of myself, and that's enough. You should sew that on a pillow. I will. I WILL. Nice one. Nice two. Welcome back, everybody. Tonight we were supposed to have a special musical guest, kaleidoscope funk network, but apparently they are now de-funk-t. ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ****** I tell you finally. I won't take the phone. Looks like NTR's voice. Let missed calls come. I won't take up the phone! Damn you ! I am coming to our house? Are you calling me for that, over phone? -You are listening to FM 99. -Dear! What is the time? -I have no watch with me. -Good! Nasty ones! wouIdn't allow to stand in the bus stand. Stop beating me. Sir! Are you okay? How do we look like? tell us before you go. -tell us before you go. -tell us before you go. -You buffalo tell me before you go. -You black.. They are creating a scene! aims please. Brother! aims please. tell us how do we look! I will give you money. Superb, dear! How does he look like? Boy is smarter than you Madam! Did you hear that? -Why did you say so? -I told you the truth. You told the truth ! -You see my power now. -You are the real power house. -Don't stamp me. -Don't stamp me..! -No.. Is this how you behave in a public place? I am Sorry . -The bus has come. -Come. -Come fast..! -Come..! -Give me way. -Don't pull my shirt.. -Hey..! -Give me a way..! Go man ! -Don't push me! -Go..! -Take off your hands. -No..! -Leave it! -Come by walk. -Leave me! Before your story telling eyes, ,I wonder what to speak, dear! Desire seethes, I feel feverish ! Before your story telling eyes, I wonder what to speak, dear! Love boils me, I feel feverish ! -Oops, we forgot to buy the house! -What? Mosquito net. Without my knowledge, My legs float somewhere Its neither dark nor bright Yet the sky is colorful Before your story telling eyes, I wonder what to speak, dear! Desire seethes, I feel feverish ! I feel your fragrance when I enter the temple Every moment with you is sweet Home is not just made of bricks and sand It is made of love only Lying on the floor and looking at the sky is really superb! Your lap is the place where I feel comfortable, Before your story telling eyes, I wonder what to speak, dear! Desire seethes, I feel feverish ! Come..! Here..! My world starts in you and ends there, My days rise to watch your face and enjoy, We shall be children in the night's lap, We shall get into the depth of darkness, Your agony will inflame as fire! In the rain the whole fire will change as flowers! Before your story telling eyes, I wonder what to speak, dear! Desire seethes, I feel feverish ! Without my knowledge, My legs float somewhere Its neither dark nor bright Yet the sky is colorful! Hey..! filthy guy..! Damn it..! Look, how is he driving. He could be drunk. Oh gosh..! Don't cry..! Come..! sleep with your mom, ok..? Don't cry..! Keep it, ok? sleep..! Go away..! Go..! Go away! Who are you..? Answer me.. Who are you? We are doing business in T-Nagar.. There is no safety over there. That's why we came here to sleep. Who is she..? Have you brought her with you? No, we are going to get married. So, didn't you get married yet, right? Ok, sleep! These are doing the concrete work. apply cement or sand in your leg and sleep. else the police will wake you up and torture. What..? What are you doing..? Take off your hand. Take off your hand, man. Oh gosh..! Oh gosh..! I'll tell you something that I haven't told anyone. It's a secret. Then tell me. But here I can't. It's a secret. Just leave me alone! I have a real shark. A live one. Very big. - It's now in a lagoon that is all ours. - Ugh! Just stories! Your usual incredible stories! If you weren't always locked up in the house, I'd show you. Nice excuses you bring up! It's you that disappeared! - Get your mask and we'll go right now. - Wait a moment. This is Chinese hook without chrome. See? It is much lower in quality. Look at how they use them in those canoes there. See? I never came to you, because I couldn't leave him alone. Manidù, poor thing, was so small. - Who was so small? - Manidù. That's his name. To see him you wear a mask and you dive after me. I used pandanus leaves. It is a sign to find this lagoon. The wind lifts it above the trees so I see it from afar. Come quickly! Come! I made it for you. They are coral fish. - Did you catch them yourself? - Yes. Come, because Manidù is hungry. I keep a supply here, because he likes sun-dried fish best. Two for him, take it. There he is! Come! Don't be afraid, I told him about you. Really? And what did you tell him? I said I would like you to be my sister. It doesn't matter if you are Chinese or American. Fine with me. Look, Diana! Watch him eat! Good, he wags his tail! Show this Miss, studying in America, how good you are. Here, very good! Come. Get the mask. He wants to play. Now he's hiding. For fun. And I must find him. Watch. Now that Diana sees how Manidù and I play together, I hope she wants to come here every day. He likes it. Thank goodness. You have been really good and deserve this award. Now I'll let him rest a minute on the bottom... and then we'll show Dana the kite game. You have to caress him first. He likes it a lot and plays more willingly after. Your grandfather's boat! They're looking for you! - Will you take me here again? - Of course! Always! - The bags are packed, dear grandfather. - I'll accompany Mansho. You see? Now you're happy? Granddad is so angry that he's not even... - coming to the ship with us. - I know men! You'll see that he'll come, just give him a kiss and he 'll even start crying. What are you doing? Waiting for Ti-Koyo? - Do you want to run away again with that guy? - I didn't run away! I wanted to see a shark up close. I thought it would be useful for school. - We had to go back to school anyway, right? - Yes, fortunately. And if the holidays end badly, it's just because of you! Remember it well, Diana! Jeff, please leave me alone! Diana. Hey, Diana! Are you really leaving? Are you going away? Ssh. - Has the shark returned? - No! I don't think he'll return anymore. But I say that he returns. I say no. After so many days now. Maybe he didn't like it that I brought you in our lagoon. I know what he's like. And now you're going away too. I go to a boarding school in Los Angeles. And when you'll get back? I don't know. Looking back today, after so many years, I think that was the most important day in my life. My childhood ended there. Today the village is burning. It was young Jeff, old Yen's grandson, who ordered its destruction. He inherited the property of his grandfather, he resembles him like a bad copy. Jeff is always working. Recruiting men among us, organizing them. Wearing a white company cap with the word "Yen" in big letters. He wants to transform the island. He bought the village and is burning it down, to rebuild all houses in masonry. Already they begin to appear, next to the old huts. Only my brothers still resist. But without conviction. Day by day, the face of the island, as left by our forefathers, disappeared. Many adapted to this transformation. Even Cocoyo, my childhood's friend, conformed to the times by modernizing the hut. He traded with Jeff, and made good money. In fact, many were earning well. Here. The figures speak for themselves, Mr. Ayou. You know, most of the fishermen work for the company founded by my grandfather. It's now up to you, the new manager, to bring the fishing up to an industrial scale. I'll do my best. It's a real honor to work with a family like yours. At your leisure, I'd like to show you the lagoon, near the coast, offshore, and on the shoals of coral. Now Mr. Ayou, everything should be clear. My company already uses a fleet of fishing boats. But there are still stubborn fishermen working with sailing canoes. John: go down, please. I want you to see up close. Look: this is the group of more modern fishing boats that I bought in America. Look: they continue to work on their own. We have to convince them to work for us. Only then we'll double production. Always spying on us! Everyday! - It's 30 fathom. Slacken it slowly. - But I want to come too. I only trust you, for a dive like this. The competition of the fishing-boats forces us to go far from the lagoon. Dangerously. On this coral reef, the prey is the big Tonù, easy to approach, but difficult to catch with only spears. Such a Tonù you have to encircle, strike him with many shots. They hit the Tonù very well, but it's too heavy for their harpoons! The beast tries to escape before he dies. The long line imprisons Punuà and prevents him to go up. Just by its weight the Tonù drags Punuà towards the bottom. And I understand that my brother is in danger and I throw myself in the water. I stab a shark, attracted by the blood of the Tonù, while my brothers hoist Punuà aboard. - Easy - Let him breathe. Free the head! Here. I can't get out of the water now. I have to deal with the shark. Ti-Koyo remained below! Look! It's huge! Harpoons, quick! I turn around. His shadow is upon me. It's not possible! I feel something extraordinary. I can't believe it, but the memory gives me courage for an absurd decision: I leave the harpoon and face the shark. I graze him with a caress and he, once again, tamely comes close to me. I caress him a second time! It's him! It's him, Manidù! - It's amazing! - He's not attacking him! He still waits for something from me, an old sign of understanding. And when I wink, the beast rolls over out of joy. Careful! Over here! Here! Here it is! As soon as it's near, hit the gills! Stop! Don't throw! He's not dangerous! It's mine! Stop! He is back! He recognized me! "His" shark? Has he gone completely mad? They lowered the harpoon, not sure if they could believe their eyes. And I go on, happy, and embraced my shark. In my canoe I went to the clear lagoons and atolls along the coral. Manidù! That's the coast of our lagoon. I brought you there before, remember? I was alone, my brothers had joined with the Chinese company, and were no longer free fishermen. But I still wanted to be free, that's why I had left. I left the island without regrets. I had a clear goal. Manidù, be good, come on! Okay, I understand. I'm coming! What a character! But listen, when you sleep... and struggle like that, you know that increases the hunger? Now that you've woken me up, will you at least let me have a swim? Thanks! Months and months passed. In my hut on the water, at the shore of the lagoon, I found the silence and the way of life our people once lived by. A life linked to the strength and generosity of the sea and the preys it offered. Using an ancient principle, where the tide lets schools of fish into my lagoon, I have closed off the water with a net which collects enough for me to live by each day. Manidù can't enter the enclosure, or he would eat everything. He waits patiently outside. I think he believes I'm a pilot fish. Or an inhabitant of the sea who's a friend of sharks. I couldn't explain his behavior otherwise. Although he has grown, if I don't take care of his meals, he won't. Just like when he was little. Wait, please! Not even time to get a knife and share with a friend, right? Eating your basket! You know it'll hurt you. Ah, this is the portion that you leave for me? Greedy pig! Needless to purr to be forgiven! You know well that I hang your pieces from the dock! Just go look! Ah, see that you know it? Blockhead! And if is not enough for you, take this! There's still one of your favorite bits. You see? With understanding it's not difficult to live together. Hey, Jeff! Jeff! It's Diana, she's back! - You had a good journey? - You look great, Jeff! You always look young, huh? Welcome, Miss Diana! We waited a long time for you. I went to the sandbanks downwind, where I wanted to gather nacre. To do shopping and see my brothers, I decided to go back to my village for 1 or 2 days For this I needed money. After a look at Manidù, I was going to dive. If I could find some of these shells, I could sell them and buy what I need. That lost lagoon in the middle of the sea, nobody had ever dived in to gather the precious nacre, for fear of sharks. My shark was near me, protecting me from danger. Nacre this large are very rare, and the whole bank was full of them. With Manidù always close, it was easy to pick them up. In between swims, I promised that in return for his help, we would do the cleaning in the lagoon after sunset. It was the thing he liked best. I'm coming! Let me clean these nacre. Wait a moment! Meanwhile get ready. And, when I return home, don't play the usual trick of hiding somewhere." Sharks like you have pilot fish happy to serve you. But you chose me. Make do with me. Come here. Get close! It's okay. I'll check. Open. Now are you crazy? You must be careful what you eat! Can't you distinguish a can from a fish? Not even an eel from the handle of a basket! Open your mouth. Let me have a look. Well, come closer! Come here! Let me see if you still have something between your teeth. Good Boy. Now go "rrrrr". Well, it's all clean. Now go! Oh, wait! Tomorrow I'll go to the village, you'd better stay here. Things have gotten ugly for you. Come on, go! What was once my quiet seaside village, I now don't recognize it anymore. Houses like anthills. Paved roads, shops... The people changed as well. Even the boys that were like me up to yesterday. - Those are your nacre? - Yes, I caught them myself. Show them to me. The largest. - 2,000 francs. - Fine with me. Here. - Mr. Jeff... - What? Look: do you recognize him? - Who is it? - The one with the shark. - Ah. - The famous Ti-Koyo. Ah, at last we meet again. What do you want, with that face? Preach at us because we work with the firm? Now get away! We have to finish the first shift. So these are now my brothers. Who, when out on the sea, seemed superhuman. Hey! Hey, look! - Your friend Ti-Koyo is in town. - But where? Over there, in Chinatown. After so long, he doesn't even turn up! Always the same! You can listen to American stations. No. Can I see that thing over there? - This one? - Yes. But it's old! Never mind. Let me listen to it. Here. You have to turn the handle. So. There's a record. Careful, it's new. So, how are you? - Well, what about you? - Like an old man now. Did you buy that stuff? These are all things I need on my island. And you exchanged it for nacre like these? This big? - Yes. They paid me 2,000 francs. - But these are worth a fortune! Don't be silly! And look at what I'm going to buy now. And you care for a thing... a wreck like that? Perhaps you learned how to live among the fish, but certainly you forgot how to live among men. Look, look... Look at that strange flower in this bush! But it's really true that there's no flower without a bumblebee. - I'm sorry I went in your garden. - You are Ti-Koyo! Yes, I am. And you're Diana, right? We own the same disc. Isn't that peculiar? Yes, I think so. See? My gramophone is different from yours. It's stereo. Stereo? Yes, it means that the music comes from two different channels. Here, look. From that speaker comes the sound of the violins. I bought the system in America. Everyone has one. And the bass sounds come from the second speaker. I recognized you right away. You haven't changed at all. No, I changed a little bit. Don't you think? Well, excuse me for a moment. I'll be right back. Now that I meet you and see you in this garden, it seems I left only one day ago. - Really. It seems just like yesterday. - It's been a long time! I've never forgotten the day that I left for boarding school in Los Angeles. You were as silent as now. You haven't changed at all, you know? And you still play with sharks, right? Well, you said that I haven't changed at all. - You need to keep your friend company? - Yes, we now live alone. - Does he like music? - Yes, but he doesn't know much about it. Neither do I, but I like this record. - Don't you get bored all day at the sea? - But no. I go fish with the shark, we stroll underwater. Even at night, in the dark. Even at night? But how can you see down there? My eyes are like those of a fish. At night I even saw the Tamanu. Do you remember, as a child, Cocoyo talking about "The god of the lagoon"? Black, large, with bat wings. It wasn't a legend. It's true, I have seen it many times. - You tell me that I should envy you? - Well, I don't know. Have you ever thought about getting married? It's difficult for someone like me. Of course, being on an island with a shark isn't very appealing to a woman! Right? - Good morning Mr. Jeff. - Hi. There was mail for you. I put it on your table. I hope you enjoyed it. Goodbye for now. Goodbye, Miss Diana. Where do you fish for nacre this big? Large or small, the sea is full. You just need to know how to pick them. If you decide to fish for the company, I can give you half of the profit. No, I'm sorry, Mr. Jeff. I won't wear the white cap of your firm. I work only when I feel like it. I fish on my own account. Think again. You can earn a lot by being with me! Your brothers understood, they are smarter than you! The whole island understood! - Come to me, if you change your mind. - Say hello to your shark! I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it. A 30-foot shark... raced into the lagoon, and attached to the tail was Ti-Koyo. Today he went to Mr. Jeff, to his home. - He had some huge shells! - I want to know where he goes fishing. - I don't believe the story of the shark. It's kid stuff, I tell you. - Sure. You don't like it? ! It's a record like that of Miss Diana. We heard it only 7 times, and you're already bored? If you don't like it, don't listen. You'd better get back to our lagoon. Good boy. There are motor boats around. Go away. Hey! Hey, wake up! - Wake up! - Diana? You said you spent the evenings underwater, but instead you're deep asleep. I didn't expect you'd come to see me. I sent the shark to sleep and waited for the sun to set, so I could dive. But what are you doing in the middle of the lagoon? - I came to see you, because this evening I'm going underwater with you. - Where? - Underwater. - But what you're saying? Seriously? No kidding. For two years I took a course of swimming and scuba diving in college. Are there even schools for scuba diving in America? Sure. It is a matter of technique. Also to swim faster. Put these fins on. And then we'll use another novelty. It's a secret. If Jeff finds out, he'll send me back to America! The "Japanese torch". - Excuse me, what's it for? - To make light underwater. My brother ordered them in Hong Kong to organize night fishing. And I've stolen two to come for a walk with you! - Help me, please? - Sure. - There's one thing that bothers me. - What? - You're sure your shark doesn't come back to look for you? - No, don't worry. I showed Diana two octopuses in love. They slid with two tentacles wrapped, as if holding hands. And suddenly Tamanu appeared. The god of the underworld. Risen from the bottom to inspect its lagoon. It grazed us with his wings, as if we were also sea creatures. How nice! I would never have believed it. It was wonderful. As the day of the kite, remember? Hey! Wake up! What are you doing? Don't you start too! Isn't the shark enough? Wake up, sleepyhead! Tell me the truth: were you dreaming of your lagoon, seashells, your shark? I dream what I want, not what I have. Then you dreamt of a woman. You guessed it. But I don't know if she really exists. But Manidù is real and a good friend. If that girl existed and you had to choose between the shark and her, what would you do? Nothing. Why should I choose? They could get along very well. This house has become worse than an office in America. Why? What don't you like? I wish they would leave us alone, at least at the table. Nice holiday! - What happens? - That Ti-Koyo is back in town with other nacre. Never seen such a big one. - You want a drink? - Yes, thanks. - Why didn't you bring them? Didn't he sell them? - Yes, some. But the most beautiful one he didn't want to sell, it's a rare specimen. If we located the place, with our industrial means we could fish a lot. - It would be a fortune, believe me. - They are as big as this dish. Ours are less than half. Like this at the most. With the most modern means available and all the fishermen, this is the difference... - between his and our nacre. A shame! - Yes, but he... What about him? But he has a shark that helps him. - And tells him where the biggest and prettiest are. - Let's go! It's true. The shark helps him to get down to banks where others fear to go. Because the shark stands guard and he's fierce. Listen to me: I give you one day, two, three, four. Even six or seven. - Well, one week. - Yes, and get rid of this shark! If that is what you want, don't worry: I'll take care of that Hey! I have something for you. That's why I asked you to come here. I don't recognize you. You're becoming complicated. I don't like mysteries. Why didn't you come to my house? - I rather not come to your house. - You rather not come there? What don't you like about my house? Can you tell me? Well, I live in my own way... and nobody really likes that. But it's wonderful! This nacre is the most beautiful I've seen. Such mother-of-pearl is rare. Never seen one like this. They are the largest of all. I kept these aside for you. Don't let your brother see it. He wouldn't be satisfied knowing that I fish these... shells on my own, without his organization. - You're wrong about Jeff. He wants you in his firm. - I know that. He would send you to study in America, to make you CEO. In America? No, it's too far. I go only where I can go in my canoe. You're the biggest blockhead I've ever seen! Yes, but tell Jeff that I don't want to depend on anyone. Living by the sea: I like that. Hey, look! There's a shark! It's huge! How calm it swims beneath the shore! Manidù, he's my friend. Don't you remember? And you play with that beast there? Well, if it is him who makes you find shells this big, I have to thank him. I have to thank you too. You were kind enough to not sell the most beautiful, and keep it and give it to me. Let me give you one every day. Ah! Listen! Why does it do that? - He rolls and purrs when he wants to play with me. - And if it bites? I wouldn't dare to approach a sea monster like that! He knows you are a friend. And when he calls, you jump at once. You know, it is best to oblige. Otherwise he gets annoyed and may get nasty. Wait a moment. An unexpected thing happened: Diana was jealous. Can you be jealous of a shark? Her jealousy was pride. She couldn't admit that something, if only for an instant, was more important than her. Hey, Ti-Koyo: This net doesn't even break by a shark like yours! It's strong, don't worry, it's strong. Ready? - Yes! - Yes! I was able to follow their maneuvers. But I couldn't prevent Manidù getting trapped in that great steel net, where they had lured him with lots of food, and closed it like a trap. Now they were waiting to pull in the net to kill him. And I had to act before it was full day and the other vessels arrived. I was as deep as possible and I started to cut the steel wires. Manidù had seen me and was confident to get close. The effort to open the net required much energy which diminished quickly. My eardrums rang, my sight blurred. Manidù had injured his mouth attempting to free himself. The net was strong and each cut took an increasing effort. I was crushed by a wall of water. When the mesh were open, I beckoned Manidù that he could pass. I lost all strength. My thoughts became confused and my body was terribly heavy. The images of Diana, everything I could remember, silently dispersed in the water. And while I thought that this was death, I ceased to think. Come in! Come on, this way. Can I come in? It's important. Enter. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't think... I'll wait outside. But come on in! I want to tell about Operation Shark. It didn't go as we thought. The net was cut and the shark was able to escape. Incapable bunch! But next time he won't escape us. His master died. Dead? But are you crazy? It's not our fault. He dived under the net in order to cut it. We found the open mesh but no one has seen him surface. And at that depth... He must have surfaced elsewhere. The important thing is to look for him. Manidù! Manidù! You know where Ti-Koyo is. Take me to him! Guide me! You hear my voice, right? Manidù! Manidù, guide me! Go! Ti-Koyo! Ti-Koyo! Ti-Koyo! I had no strength left. And I couldn't recover. Diana had left me with Cocoyo, who had turned his shop in an infirmary in order to cure me. Every day Diana brought me American medicine. But also Cocoyo gave me: syrup of wings of flying fish, and chopped-up gull. Cocoyo had gone back to the oldest recipes and beliefs, those that seemed useless for a long time. Another friend stayed close, swimming under the stilts of the hut. He had his usual way to show his affection. The days passed. Cocoyo went and came from the village with spices and herbs to heal me completely. Diana took turns in keeping me company. She tried to be cheerful, but there was a restlessness in her that she couldn't hide. With her brother Jeff, as I knew... she no longer talked. Either by Cocoyo medicines or my hard skin I don't know, but I was better. And as soon as I got my strength back, I tried to convince my shark to leave. I knew how to make him understand that I was better now. He was quiet and moved away. He would wait for me at full sea. We could no longer remain on that island. And after having ignited the last offering, where once my hut had been, I was ready to leave forever. I only advised and not forced you to leave. "Advised", certainly. Yes it's true. It seems after all to be a good decision at this point. Of course. My holiday is over and I have no more reason to stay here. Do you know that I envy you for returning to America? Really. Stop lying, Jeff. It's hard to believe. You're very happy to be here, doing your business. Yes, my business. It's like you don't know that the well-being of us and the inhabitants of the island... is linked to our company. And don't think that I enjoy staying here. I know you work hard. But to achieve this "well-being", you believe that all means are legitimate? I am more than sure of it. Look, Diana... I wasn't interested at all for Ti-Koyo to join the company. It was just to give an example to others. You know... His marching to the beat of his own drum, on the pretext of his shark, was disturbing my business. That's why I asked you to convince him. And I tried, Jeff. Then I realized... it's not right that a man renounces himself for the business of someone else. No, Diana. That boy lives as if the sea and the sky are his own property. He's not a man. He's a savage, a fish, a seagull. Ti-Koyo reminds us of things that unfortunately we forgot. How defensive you get! For someone who doesn't care about anything! As if you were in love with him. Who is it? What happens? Ti-Koyo! What are you doing here? I walked in the dark, I stumbled and fell. I wanted to talk. Why? What happened to you? Nothing happened. Only... tomorrow you leave. Do you remember when you left the last time, for boarding school in Los Angeles? I came to say goodbye right here. I've never forgotten. Never. Nor have I forgotten. But then we didn't know yet how different we are. But today we know. It ruins everything. It's not just that, Diana. I'm leaving tomorrow as well. I will look for another island. - Here I did everything wrong. - Maybe we all did everything wrong. No. Jeff and the others are right. I've been thinking about it, Diana. I've been thinking. More than you can imagine. The old world of the islands is gone forever. You have to adapt to the new one. As everybody. But I don't know how to live differently. I can't change. And I want you to... Be happy, Miss Diana. Diana... Goodbye and thanks. Good trip, Miss Diana. - Wait here, eh? - Okay. So goodbye, Diana. I'm sure that you'll find your good mood back in Los Angeles. Good luck, Jeff. He stopped the boat! Close your eyes and answer: Do you want to come live with me forever? I know you want it. All you need is courage. Close your eyes and answer! I lacked the courage until now. Now with Manidù as a witness I answer with open eyes: I say yes! He's taking her away! You have to chase him! Let them do what they want! We will try a new island. The ocean is so big... I'm sure there are more. I want a distant and deserted island, just for us both. Great, because I must tell you everything that I haven't told you yet. And Manidù will make sure that no one will disturb us. But first we'll say goodbye to an old friend. Right, Manidù? Come on, lead me to him! And then off we go! Hey! That's Ti-Koyo, right? The friend of the shark. Why don't you teach me to talk to the sharks? Are you crazy? Isn't one pupil enough! It is almost unbelievable that it went well with him. Oh, yes! Just incredible! Goodbye, Ti-Koyo! Good luck! English subtitles by Subransu and editing by YRR FILMED IN FIVE COUNTRIES LOVE AT TWENTY (C) 1962 Ulysse Production Mornings I wake up singing At night I dance into bed Mornings I wake up singing At night I dance into bed I never care About the bombs in the air That one day'll kill us all dead Why don't they make peace instead Antoine Doinel is now 17 years old. His mischief as an adolescent landed him in juvenile court. Having escaped from an observation center for delinquent youth, he was caught and placed in another center under stricter surveillance. A young psychologist at the center took an interest in his case, and he was finally released on probation. Antoine has carefully organized a solitary, independent life. His love of music led him to a job in a record company. He's finally realized his adolescent dream: to live on his own, earn his own keep, and depend only on himself. Antoine never misses a performance of the Youth Concert series, and he often gets free concert tickets through work as well, to which he invites René, his friend from the bad old days, who now works at the stock market. - How's the stock market? - I'll be a broker soon. You? I'm transferring into production at work. Wanna come to the Shapiro concert tonight? Reminds me of the time you hid at my place. All that smoke! My old man! Help me shake the blankets to get rid of this smoke. That's enough. What's this? It's a smokehouse in here! It's like a gambling joint! I'm taking the cost of three cigars out of your allowance. What's this? Bucephalus is not a coatrack. He's worth a million at least. A real work of art. I'll only get rid of him if I'm forced to. Now put the lights out and go to sleep. Good night, Dad. Any closer and he'd have seen me. I'm sure he saw your feet and just didn't say anything. We better get going. I'm surprised I never noticed her before. I really like her! I really do. What do you think of her friend? That'd be convenient. I'm in love with my cousin. She's got beautiful long hair. But the idiot's gonna cut it next week. I might not like her with short hair. - Does she love you? - I don't know. I've never said a word. I'm waiting to see her haircut. If I still like her, I'll send her a love letter. EIGHT DAYS LATER I saw her three more times this week. I didn't speak to her, but I caught her eye. The first time was Tuesday at the Eroica Symphony. I was sitting right behind her. She took off her scarf, and I stared at her hair and neck the whole concert. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I decided I'd speak to her that night after the concert, but she ran into a girlfriend. I followed them for five minutes and then went home. Thursday I got there half an hour early to sit next to her. There was no one there yet, so I stepped outside to smoke while the hall filled up. I didn't see her right away when I went back in. She was talking to a girlfriend. I sat down next to her, and she nodded to me like she vaguely recognized me. Unfortunately she took her seat where she had left her coat. It would have been too obvious to follow her. The third time was yesterday. She was walking around my neighborhood with a shopping bag. She must live in my neighborhood. Preliminaries are over. Time to attack. What has Pierre Schaeffer taught us? A lot. He's dealt musicology a staggering blow by pointing out... Clichy's my stop. Funny I haven't seen you at the concerts before. Do you go often? I've gone to all the Russian concerts on Sunday mornings. No wonder. It's really too bad, but we'd have met sooner or later. Don't we live in the same neighborhood? I saw you out shopping one day. - Could be. I live on Lécluse. - Then we do. What do you do? I'm a student. What about you? - I work in a record company. - You work? Yes, at Philips. I don't live with my parents, so I have to earn a living. It must feel great to be on your own. That depends... Hey, that's my stepfather's car. Are you going to the lecture on Thursday? Definitely. But if I miss it, I'll be at the one after that. Okay, but give me your phone number so we can keep in touch. Okay, but call at night. I'm not always in. It's Carnot 08.32. I better go. I've got homework to do. See you soon. Antoine and Colette met often and traded books and records. They discussed hi-fi over coffee and lemonade and walked each other home, talking for hours on end in their doorways. Colette treats Antoine like a friend. He either doesn't notice or accepts it for the time being. My friends, this is our second lecture devoted to experimental music. The first was given by Pierre Schaeffer, and judging from your rapt attention and the number of letters I received from you, the topic was of great interest. Is this Colette? Yes, it is. Why didn't you show up yesterday? Were you ill? I said I "might" go. But I ended up getting together with some friends. They're really wild! We carried on all night long. It was a great time, but it got a little crazy at the end. I don't think I got home till 5:00 a.m. - May I stop by this afternoon? - If you like. But I can't promise I'll be here. We all said we might get together today. - See you in a bit, then. - You will if I'm here. Hello. Is Colette home? No. Why? - I'm returning some books she lent me. - I'll give them to her. There's a letter for her too. Fine. I'll make sure she gets it. Are you Antoine? - Yes. She's told me so much about you. Come in. - Who is it? - A friend of Colette. Do you have a minute? - I don't want to bother you. This is Antoine, Colette's friend. You and Colette are in the same class, right? What are you saying? They met at the Youth Concerts. Colette told us about him. Have a seat. You work in a record company, isn't that right? - Right. I work at Philips. - Good for you. My wife feels differently, but I think kids should earn a living right away. I started as a mechanic in the garage at 15. Now I'm the boss. - Care for some? - No, thanks. Book learning takes you nowhere. Take Victor Hugo. Oh, please! Don't start with Victor Hugo! Hugo denounced evil but gave no cure for it. Do you agree? - You may be right. Well, I'd better be going. Leaving already? Colette will be upset. - I'm sorry too. - Join us for dinner one evening. - My pleasure. - I'll arrange it with Colette. Good-bye. "Dear Antoine, your love letter was very nicely written. It suggests a man of experience. I'm going to hear Leroux tonight. Will you be there? Thanks for the books. Oh, Mother finds you very romantic, probably because of your long hair. Until tonight. Colette." - Look who's there! - Antoine! He's right across the street! What's going on? Do you live there now? - Yes. Since when? You must have known. May we come up? He's all moved in. This is great! Look at the sink and faucet. Look, you can see our windows. But our side of the street gets the sun. Are your parents still alive? Yes, but I don't see them much. We don't get along. What a shame! Your mother must be terribly sad not to see you. It's partly my fault. I used to run away a lot. - Colette would never do that. - Watch me! Question: Where is one better off than in the bosom of one's family? Answer: Anywhere else! - Hervé Bazin. - Right. - You know, Colette isn't really... - Yes, I am. More wine, please. Incredible! These kids have no respect! Colette's parents liked young people and missed Colette being around more, so they adopted Antoine and invited him over often. Antoine watched Colette come and go. She was no different with him now than before. She obviously didn't feel being neighbors meant they should be any closer. Antoine, how are you? What brings you here? I've got tickets for a lecture on electronic music. I've got a lot of homework this afternoon. - Then maybe we could go to a movie. - I can't. I've got a paper due tomorrow. - Maybe we could just talk a while. - No, some other time. See you. Things aren't going well. I'm an idiot. I've gotten off to a bad start. She's really not even my type. She talks like a boy and treats me like a buddy. I try to talk seriously and she laughs! Still I freeze my ass off waiting outside her door. You didn't ask, but I'll tell you about my cousin. She cut her hair like Joan of Arc, and I still like her. I wrote her a bunch of letters. Look what she wrote back. That's great. Look. On the envelope too. Oh, man! I'm pressing disks now at work. - Want an ice cream? - No, thanks. This is the first disk I pressed. I'd like you to have it. That's very kind. It took me forever. The old hands there can press 500 a day. You put the label on one side and then the other. You put it in the machine, then you pull it out and clean up the edge. For my first record, it doesn't sound bad. I've been knocking for five minutes. Are you deaf? It's so dark in here. Are you sick? We have to set things straight. I can't take these games anymore, this blowing hot and cold. You're an idiot! I know it's my fault. I shouldn't have moved across the street. I'm going to move back where I was. But stop leading me on! Just leave me alone! - You're a real pain! My parents have invited you to dinner. - I'm not going. It's two different things. You should come. If you change your mind, we're eating in 15 minutes. Hello, Antoine. - How are things? - Fine. - Sit down. Have you eaten? - Yes. - You sure? - Yes, I had dinner. Are you sure? I could whip up an omelette and salad. No, I'll just have a tangerine. What's new? Are you two going out tonight? - I've got tickets for Schwarshof, but... - Why don't the two of you go? - I can't. - Why not? None of your business! I saw in the paper that the concert will be on TV tonight. - You want a plate for the peel? - Don't bother. I'll use yours. - Not again! - Who's that? It's a real parade here today. Hi. Come on in. This way. Come in. Mom, this is Albert. I told you about him. My stepfather. - And I believe you've met Antoine. - Yes, we met once. I'll get my coat. Let me have a cigarette. I'm ready. We're off, then. Bye. What do you say we watch that program? Let me have a light. He has kindly made an exception for us... The youth of the world They fall in love From east to west from north to south Like a red apple They bite into life Its juice overflowing from their mouth Kisses and heartache Meet and then part Give me your hand Here, take my heart It might end in pain It might end in joy Tender and cruel Youth's dreams are many As two by two Down life's beck'ning road They sing their way In Love At Twenty A film made in 5 countries LOVE AT TWENTY Antoine Doinel is 17 years old. He belongs to that group of adolescents who never had a real childhood He escaped from a juvenile rehabilitation work camp but was then entrusted to a newer and more secure centre. A psychiatrist was able to get him probation. Antoine lives a solitary and independent life. He has a passion for music and works in a recording industry plant. He has achieved his dream and depends only on himself. Antoine frequents a club of of young musicians from France and participates in all the meetings. He often gets free concert tickets. His only friend is a companion from his early days, Rene who works on the Stock Exchange at an agent of change. - How's it going? - I'll soon be qualified. I'm changing to production. Are you coming to hear Shapiro? Remember when you were hiding out in my house and my father came in The old man! Help me shake the cover and get rid of this smoke! That's enough. It reeks of tobacco in here, just like some gambling den. I'll buy three cigars with your pocket money. What's this? Bucephalus is not a clothes-horse. That thing is worth almost a million. It's a work of art. And I wouldn't part with it for all the world. Now, please do me the favour of putting everything out and going to sleep. - Okay, Dad. - Good night. - He almost saw me. - He saw your feet but didn't say anything. Why haven't I seen her before? I really like her. It'd be convenient if you liked her friend. You know I'm in love with my cousin and her long hair. The idiot wants it cut but I hope I'll still like her. - Is she in love with you? - I don't know. If I like her with short hair I'll write her a declaration. - See you at the usual place. - I'll let you know. EIGHT DAYS LATER I've seen her three times this week and she's noticed me. The first time was the 'Eroica' symphony. I was sitting behind her, to her right, and she took off her scarf. All evening I watched her hair and neck. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I decided to speak and threaded my way after her, but she'd met a friend... I followed them for five minutes, then I went home. Then on Thursday I went half an hour early to sit next to her. There was hardly anyone there so I went out to wait for the hall to fill up. I didn't see her at first, kneeling on a seat, talking to a friend. I sat down beside her. She nodded in vague recognition. But she went back to where she'd left her coat. I didn't dare move, it'd have been too obvious. The third time was yesterday strolling along with a shopping bag. - She must live near me. - Manoeuvres over, time to attack. In fact, what did Pierre Schaeffer teach us? Finally, Antoine succeeds in sitting next to Colette and while searching for a sentence in the opening speech she responds by asking for clarification on the program. Normally I get off at Rome or Clichy, strange I've not seen you. Do you go there often? All the Russian ones. Mussorgsky, Borodin. On Sunday morning. Perhaps it's not so strange after all. Just a shame. We'd have met sooner or later. I think we live in the same area. I saw you shopping. Yes, I live in Rue Lecluse. - What do you do? - I'm a student doing A levels. And you? - I work in the record industry. - Work? I work at Philips. I live alone, so I earn my living. - How great to be independent. - It depends. Hey! That's my stepfather's car. Are you coming to Gavoty on Thursday? Yes, I think so, but if not I might go to another one. Why not give me your phone number anyway? It's better in the evening. It's Carnot 0832. I must go up. I've got work to do. Goodnight, see you soon. Antoine sees Colette several times a week. They swap books and records. They discuss stereos over coffee and lemon squash take turns to see each other home and talk for hours in doorways. Colette treats Antoine as a friend, which he either doesn't realise or is temporarily satisfied with. This is our second session dedicated to experimental music. The first one was given by Pierre Schaeffer, and I could tell by the quality of your silence, and by the letters I've received, the level of interest generated... - Hello, Colette? - Yes, it's me. Oh, my head! Were you ill yesterday? Didn't I tell you? I was at a party with some friends. They're so crazy! We just did silly things all evening. It was such fun, but by the end we were totally loony. It must have been five in the morning when we finished. Can I come over this afternoon? If you like, but I mightn't be there, we thought we'd all meet again today. - All right. See you later. - Yes, come over just in case. - Yes? - Is Colette in, please? - No, why? - I'm returning these books she lent me. - I'll give them to her. - Oh, and a letter too. All right, I'll pass it all on to her. Aren't you Antoine? - Yes, Madam. - She's often talked about you, come in. - Who is it? - It's a friend of Colette's. Have you got a minute? - Okay, only five minutes. - Please. It's Antoine, you know, Colette's friend. You're in the same class, aren't you? Not at all. They met at the Jeunesses Musicales. Colette told us all about it. - Antoine works with records, I think. - Yes, I work at Philips. My wife brings up her daughter, but I think people should start work early. At fifteen I was a mechanic at the Laborde Garage and now I'm the owner. - Do you want a drink? - Not for me, thank you. Education leads nowhere. Take Victor Hugo... Oh, please, not Victor Hugo again. Hugo denounced evil but offered us no alternative. - Don't you agree? - Yes, maybe. I'm afraid I must go now. Don't go, Colette will be disappointed. You must come to dinner one evening. We'll arrange it with Colette. Dear Antoine, your declaration was so nicely put. A man of experience! Will you go to Maurice Leroux tonight? Thank you for the books. My mother thought you romantic, it's probably your long hair. Till this evening, dear friend. Colette. - Do you see what I see? - It's Antoine! And right opposite. What's going on? Do you live there? Yes, I moved in this afternoon. - From this afternoon. - You're happy, right? Can we come up and see? Let's visit the palace! - Hello! - How are you? He's all settled in, look! - Congratulations. - I have this record, too. Amazing! Washbasin, telephone... Look, our windows. Come and look, you two. There are our two windows, but we have the sun. My wife will not leave you in peace now. We don't need an alarm clock, he can just call out to us. - Are your parents still alive? - Yes, but I don't see them often. - We don't get on. - What a shame. That must upset your mother. Well, it's partly my fault. When I was at home I was always running away. Where is one better than with the family? Answer: anywhere! Yes. Herve Bazin wrote that. Colette pretends to be... - Hey Francois, pour us more wine! - Unbelievable! No respect at all now! Me too! Colette's parents miss their daughter, who is never at home. So they adopt Antoine and often invite him over. From his window Antoine watches Colette's comings and goings. She treats him the same and doesn't feel any closer to him. Hello, Antoine, how are you? What brings you here? I have two tickets for a lecture, it's Gavoty on electronic music. Yes, but I must work. - Or the cinema? - No, I just can't. - Could we talk for five minutes. - No, another day. Goodbye. I was such an idiot, I started this all wrong. I shouldn't be in love with her. She treats me as a friend. When I want to be serious with her, she's bored. Yet I still freeze for hours at her door. I'll tell you about my cousin, anyway. Her hair's like Joan of Arc's. I love her. I've written her loads of letters. It's going well. Look, this is her reply. - Oh, terrific! - That's not all. Look at the envelope. I've moved. I'm in production now. - Ice cream? - No, thanks. This is the first album I made, it's for you. Oh, how kind. In the slalom, it was the Austrians and the French who shone. Here we see a descent in two minutes and five seconds putting him in front of the Austrian. This Frenchman finished fourth ... made more difficult by imperfect conditions of the track. The Swiss, who did so well in the first heat wins the slalom in two minutes and four seconds. But it's an Austrian who is the overall winner. Forced into second place is... I've been knocking for five minutes. You're going quite deaf. It's so dark. Are you ill? Listen, Colette, we must sort things out. I mean, this little game, all this blowing hot and cold, is making me ill. You're really stupid! Of course I know it's my fault. I shouldn't have moved in opposite. I'm going back to where I used to live. But please leave me alone. - Get lost! - Oh, what a bore! You get lost. - Anyway, you're invited to dinner. - No, I won't go. This has nothing to do with it. If you're asked to dinner, come. If you change your mind, we'll eat in a quarter of an hour. - Hello, Antoine. - Madame. - Sit down. Have you eaten? - Yes, sir. - Sure? - Yes, thank you. Quite sure? It's easy to make an omelette and salad. Honestly, I'll just have a mandarin. - So what's new, Antoine? - Are you going out this evening? I've two tickets for Schwarzhof, but I don't know... - You can both go. - No, I can't. - Why not? - It's none of your business. Schwarzhof is being shown on television. I read it in the paper. - Do you want a plate for the peel? - Don't bother, I'll put it on yours. - Who's that? - I don't know. It's all go! Come in, it's this way. This is Albert. I've told you about him. My father, my mother... And Antoine. I think you know each other. - Yes, we met once. - Just a minute, I'll get my coat. - Give me a cigarette, please. That's it, I'm ready. We're going. Bye. - Goodnight. - Have a nice evening. Should we watch the concert? Can I have a light? Help, help! Help her, Wladek! Are you crazy? Mamma! Mamma, mamma! Over there! - The exit's right! - Cut it out, do you want to kill me? - Come on, quickly! - Don't worry, I'm taking you to mamma. Can you get it open? I can't do it! Dammit! Give her to me! It's all right. Is this your glove? What have you lost? - My pen must have fallen out. - Does it matter? It's gold! How could it have fallen out? I'm an idiot...it's at home! - Where's the guy that saved her? - The one with the bike! Let's go! - Wait, wait! It's too bad I can only give you a ride on a bike. - I find it kind of funny. - Where are we going? - My place. My hospitality in exchange for the lift. Even if it doesn't seem dangerous you should beware! It's not much, but it's home. What are you waiting for, take off that wet coat. - You live alone? - Yes, at least for now. - And before? - I lived with my father. Excuse me, do you mind? - And your mother? - My parents divorced two years ago. Here's the bathroom, I put a clean towel in. You can freshen up. I lived in the provinces before I came here. There's furniture there, but this apartment was almost empty. - It's just as good here in town? - Yes, very. Come here if you've finished. - It's OK? - Yes, come in. It's been very nice of you, but I should go now. Thank you. But you haven't washed. - I was afraid for you. - I can imagine. We did what was right. - We did? - Yes, you threw some rocks! - You're hurt! - It 's just a scratch. - I'll get some alcohol. - Thanks. - That's going to sting. - It's good for you. Doorbell's ringing. That'll be my father. - Hi! - Hi. Wait, what do you want? - Is he with you? - Who? The one who saved the girl. - Hello. - Hi! - Can I see the animal tamer? - If you really want. Introduce yourself. - Where did you hide the hero? - Come in, he's in there. - Good evening, I haven't seen you around. - Yeah ... - Why? - I had some trouble. My pleasure. Hi, I hope you're the last. - The man you see here is ... - We know! - Congratulations! - Wladek told us everything. Really? - Do you work at the zoo? - You'll get a promotion! - Take this. - I'm just a common worker. Maybe you can help me, my aunt has to pay a fee for a dog that died. - I'd help out if I could - You like dogs? Of course, I love all animals. Weren't you afraid when the bear was so close? I think he knew it wouldn't attack. Animals recognise people that love them. - You will certainly be recognised. - A medal. Or on TV. - I'd prefer a washing machine. -You wash laundry by yourself? No... Wait, let me help. - He's too gallant. You snubbed Wladek because he's not a hero? - None of your business. - Stop studying, you're not going to be an astronaut. Friends, I want a drink that will go down in history. - That's pretty, where did you get it? - It 's from a very expensive shop! Too bad I've never had the chance to make a rescue. I don't think there's any profit in it. Heroes are a rare commodity in our atomic era. - To your health, friend. - And yours. But I don't ... Tell me, are you married? No...no girlfriend. Basia must have fallen in love with you like a bolt from the blue. - Have you ever heard John Render? - Who's he? - A famous pianist! - No, I don't know him. Sorry. Is that the first time you've played the hero? Well ... yes and no. During the war I found myself in difficult situations. - You had to deal with the SS. - Yes - How's it going? - Making progress. Not so often ... Let's see ... The first time was 16 years ago ... Please, tell me everything. If you like, but you won't find it very interesting. I was carrying weapons to a group of partisans, and I met an SS patrol from a side street. - I was meeting someone. - What did you do? You took a hand grenade and threw it at them! - How do you know? - I saw a movie. - By reflex! - I jumped into a courtyard, climbed over a wall and left the other part of the block. I've seen other things during the insurgency. It doesn't matter if you can't remember the details. We've read history texts about it. Okay. During the revolt of the south-east sector, My friend and I ventured out alone bringing with us ... - Alone? - We had a couple of cows. What do you want with two cows? No, I meant to say two flame throwers. But we had no luck, my friend saved his own skin. I was wounded in the leg and made prisoner. If the partisans hadn't miraculously arrived, I'd have certainly been shot. That's enough, let's do something else. - How about some music? - Great idea. - What are you doing? - We're helping Basia solve a problem. - It's Arabic to me. - Let's see ... - What do you want to see? - You know less than I do. - It's confusing. - I'll explain it. - I'm not an idiot. - Marisa, Marisa! - He's by himself. - So? - Someone should talk to him. - You go, then. - No, it's too boring. - You're right. Dudek. - What should we do with the hero? - Don't ask me. - Let's play a game. - Blind Man's Bluff. - Let's make our veteran a Blind Russian. - With pleasure. Now we need to calculate the area of the triangle. The result should be equal ... yes, coming! Thanks, I can finish it. Go to the others. - I think it's clear. - Yes, I think I can get it. Enough! Enough! Enough! Cease fire! Cease fire! Enough, enough! Cease fire! Cease fire! Executions are suspended! Bring the prisoners to the camp. Give me a hand, he's hung over! Quiet down! And this is the hero? Help me get him on his feet, see if he can stand. - It's not easy for me to do it. - Good ... Try again. Hey, keep still! Leave him alone! Stop it! And he was so good-looking! Are you crazy? What do you want? It hasn't done much for your status, the merit of bear-taming! I know. I'm not a coward. They think I'm afraid but it's not true. I'm not a coward. Don't take it so hard, you took some pretty pictures. Do you want me to come with you? Is it cold outside? -A little. - Where were you yesterday? - You didn't want to see me. - Who said? - I've developed the pictures, look. - Not now. - They're beautiful. - Later. Everything still OK? Why not talk? At least I still love you. Don't cry, Christina. Don't cry. I do feel guilty. If you say so. Then why are you crying? Aren't you happy? - Give me a cigarette. - Sure. - Now ... - My love. You don't know how I love you. - I have to tell my mother. - Sure, if you think so. But there's no hurry, choose the right time. Why? Dear, I need a little time. I see it all now. Don't go on so. Don't do this, I despair. - Be reasonable. - No, I just want to be with you! - Really? - Yes. - I believe you need me. - Even now ... Now more than ever. So we'll always be together now. Well ... no. I need some time, I told you. To speak with your mother. - When? - Soon. Why not come with me and stay home? Of course I will, but not tonight. - I don't feel what you say to me is true. - Why not? You should get dressed, you're cold. - Hi, Leonardo - Kitty ... what are you doing? I'm bored ... No, don't leave me alone, come here! You're strong! ...with open windows, behind closed doors, and music ... - Hello. - Hi. ... music that comes out of all the gorges you can see the shadows of the evening ... - Good evening. Have you seen Valentina? - Hello. - Hello. - Hello. Look, do you know where Valentina is? It's hot. - Hi. - Hello. Why did you come so late? What is it, Leonardo? - Nothing. - What? - We need to talk. -Okay. - Somewhere else? - Yes, it's better. So? It's not easy, you must help me. You need something. No ... it's that ... No more, Valentina. I can't go on like this. It's not fair that I ... we should part. What we're doing is no longer the same as before. Everything is ... you know ... - It ends here. - Why should I want to go? Valentina, I don't want to leave, but it's necessary. For that stupid girl, right? - It 's that ... - Yes, I get it. But I won't pay any mind, it all comes back to this. I never put myself between you and her. I've never stopped you from seeing her, yet I've done wrong. Why should it matter? What need is there to dramatise? To me it seems so clear. I don't feel like ... I can't stay with her ... and then with you, do you understand? I don't ask you much. And you have everything. - Now let me go. - So easy! The kid shows up, says hello, then goes away. You've thought this through? You won't come back anymore. Where will you go? In the clear moonlight with your beauty? Where will you take her? The neighbourhood cinema or table soccer? This I'd like to see. It's your dream, have you thought about it? How does it look? Is it the same as when I met you? As it was? As it is now. Like now. What a nerve. What makes you tick? How do you present yourself? What do you wear? All of you, Everything that you are now ... is from me. Everything, you understand? I'm going. No, Leonardo, wait! Wait, Leonardo! Hello...hello? Yes, that's me. What? All right. Yes, I'll get dressed and be right there. - Good evening. Do you know who I am? - No. - Leonardo hasn't ever spoken about me? - Leonardo? No, why? I want to talk to you about him. - You're his friend, right? - Sure, but what's that to you? Nothing, I assure you. But I want to talk to you about him all the same, for your own good. - You're about to make a big mistake. - A mistake? At the risk of ruining your life. - You don't know Leonardo. - But you do? Yes, much better than you. However ... Let's not stand here, come and sit in the car. Get in. Then you really don't know who I am? A relative, maybe? More intimate, my dear. Hey, see those two? How about it? You don't know anything about me, but I've known of you since your first meeting. Everything about you. Wanna give us a ride, beautiful? That idiot! What's her game? Hello? Good evening, Madam, it's Leonardo. Is Christina there? I see. Thank you. Goodnight. I want to get out now. I can see that you're just jealous. You're only a girl. You haven't understood anything. Leonardo's older than you, he'll tire of you soon. - That's not your concern. - Indeed. But you have to know everything. Leonardo owes a lot to me and is accustomed to what I've given him. If I leave now, I'll regret him taking up with you. You can't even give him a crumb of what I've done. - You're rich, right? - There's nothing wrong with that. Leonardo doesn't have a problem with it, at least. He loves me, I'm sure. - It's possible. But it's no good for you. - Me? Leonardo is going through a decisive crisis in his life. And you won't be able to help him, only clip his wings. Sentimentality isn't enough. Love is not only to kiss in the moonlight and make promises eternal. We've made plans. I'm sure I'll be happy, I feel it. Happy! But for how long? When the dreams vanish and you are faced with the reality, your romantic love in misery. I'll tell you again: Leonardo is not for you. Wealth is a drug. And what you need is honesty, purity. Go away! Please, go away! One moment. Your ticket. - I use a pass. - Okay, thanks. Hey, look. Look how cute she is! Passes every Thursday at this time. - Where is Toyama? - Back there. Hey, Toyama. This is for you. - How many do you have today? - I don't know. Imagine that. You always have your head in the clouds! - So, the bill is correct? - Yes, but there is one small detail. You forgot to pay. - How stupid. Today is the 19th? - Exactly. It's my birthday. How many years old? You don't ask a woman these questions. You're 38! The 19th ... - It's my birthday too! - Two together! - We should have a big party. - No, I don't think so. - 20 years, you should enjoy it. - It's true, have a drink. Why? I don't have anything to celebrate. I said "38 years" and she was furious. Became even more ugly, which wasn't easy. But should be enough for Hiroshi. Remember, tonight you have to buy the drinks. - If there's anything to drink to. - You're so depressing. You're right, at our age we should be enjoying life. Instead we slog from morning to night. But something could happen. And we'll reach 50 waiting for it to happen. So should we just cut our throats? Something will happen. - I don't want to come. - Buck up and don't be shy. - Hello. - Good morning, girls. - I brought some cake. - Thanks. - Something for you all. - Thanks, that's nice of you. This is for you, take it. - No, thanks. - Only a little, to make me happy. Hiroshi, what is left, is lost. Goodbye. She's got a crush on Hiroshi. If you're not careful, you'll fall for her. ldiots! He's difficult to please, it would take at least Miss Japan. Maybe there's a yukata nobody wants that you could try on. They'd rather commit harakiri than kiss. Yeah? You ever looked in the mirror? Hiroshi, look. Now that winter's coming, we have time to meet more often. - And then? - Nothing, just always enjoy looking. - Go talk to her. - I'm not that type. I forgot, I have something to do. I've got to go. - You can't put it off? - No, I'll see you tomorrow. Hiroshi! You sleepwalking, jerk? My love. Hi. Is that your knife? Want some? You've changed recently. You must be in love. Is she beautiful? I'm jealous, I've always hoped to become your girlfriend. - That could happen. - Be serious! Really? Wait and see. I can do it. It's easy. It's been a week now. It was unusual for her to be out so late. Girls shouldn't pass along that dark road. - I can't understand why she was killed. - Maybe she was mistaken for another. In the dark she could look beautiful. I've been following you for a month. And I don't even know your name! What do you want? Now ... I'll never know your name. - Give me a drink, quick. - What do you want? Give me some sake. The good stuff. That slop'll ruin you. - Today's a party. - What party? - I can't tell you, it's a secret. - I don't care. But you can buy me a drink. Hello? Who's there? Go ahead. What? I don't follow you. No, not possible. You want to show me something? Where are you calling from? Who is this? I loved her ... I loved her too much... That's why I killed her! The pin that I have in my hand is all that remains of her to me. All that remains. Why are you calling? I called because there is a response to what I did. And I wanted everybody to know. Only then will she belong to me forever! Hello? Hello? Say something! I'm listening. Hello? Hello? Please answer. Hello? Hello? Eight kilos? Is that weight right? I'm not sure what to make of that, after all, it is your first. The documents are ready, see you there soon. Got a coin? It's 1:15 and a flight from Singapore has just landed. Arriving on it is Tony Reicher, a 23-year old photojournalist. He's heard from the girl with whom he's just had a son, and is on his way to meet her. - It 's a critical situation. - Yes, and who knows how it's going to end up. If we don't handle it right, we're done with Latin America. We shouldn't underestimate what's happening in Havana. Things are on the move, eh? No, there are only speeches by Castro. But I had a girl there. The problem with my work is that they're always around you. As soon as you're struck by some woman, you run into another somewhere else. But complications are created equally. Don't take it too hard, there are worse things in life. - I've had them all. - You might also get the worst of it. - For example? - An eight-kilo child. - Tony! You got back to Munich today? - Yes. Call me, I'm doing a film! I'm only stopping one day, tomorrow I'll be in Paris and I do not know what then. - What did you say? - We could go to dinner together. - You can meet me at the usual place. - Tonight! See you. - Do I know this girl? - She's an actress, quite famous. - No, I'm talking about the mother. - I don't know, it's possible. Is it that brunette who was a teleophonist and not confident? - Is that right? - Yes, she's a little shy. But not too much, otherwise you wouldn't be here today. - It seems like a good idea. - I think you would be comfortable. Please, go ahead - Can I help you? - I'd like to see Miss Danning. Mrs Danning. Room 233. Who should I say is coming? Riecher. Tony Reicher. Come inside. Through here...hey, where are you going? - I'm speaking to you. - I want Miss ... Mrs Danning. - Are you one of the family? - Not exactly. I'm Reicher, Tony Reicher. - You're the father! - Yes, sister. Then come with me. What are those? - Carnations. - I can see. Only three! - And not even fresh. - I just arrived here, I didn't have time. Better than nothing. Come with me. His skin's all wrinkled, is that normal? If you took more of an interest you would know they're all born that way. Come in. Hello. You look well, Ursula. They're wonderful, it's nice of you to remember my favourite flowers. It's the least I could do. Where can we put them? Just here for now. - Marina, could you put these in some water? - Of course, I'll get a vase. - You came from Havana? - No, from Singapore. I had to go otherwise the deal would have fallen through. - It's your baby? - He's the most handsome in the clinic. That's very nice of you, thank you. He didn't get any of his looks from his father. I'm Paul Saleb, and this is my wife. - My pleasure. Tony Reicher. - Pleasure. Your wife always talks about you, and very well. - Now we can meet you. - I'd like to, but I have to fly out tonight. I envy you, how fascinating to travel about the world. - It 's very exciting. - But not always fun. Tonight I go to Paris to follow the trial of a murderer. - I'm sorry to leave you. - Yeah. Your work comes first. I'll get used to it. I feel too deeply. You brought the documents for the recognition of the child? Of course, that's why I'm here. - I mean, not just for this. - Thanks for the clarification. Don't be like that. Did you tell your father? - Did he come? - Yes, but it didn't go well. Try to do something, will you? I saw the baby, it's beautiful. - You really think so? - Of course. Wait a minute, take this! Mr Reicher, I was told you were here. How are you? - Much better. - Congratulations, it's a beautiful baby. - The doctor is an angel. - It's my pleasure. - She's a very brave girl. - Yes, she's always shown that. It's my understanding, that since the patient is much better, and there is a beautiful sun outside, you should venture to take a walk. But I recommend no exertion or excitement. - And be mindful of your throat. - Not even a little chocolate? No. You should bring her back no later than seven. Our schedules are very rigid. Please, please. I'll leave it to you. I think you understand what the doctor intended. - Here's the jar. - It's okay to leave here, right? Could the gentlemen please leave the room? - What dress should I wear? - The most beautiful, of course. - It doesn't matter, she's always pretty. - Come on, what are you waiting for? - You think that's the right tactic? - Listen, I have more experience than you. For Tony Reicher the worst moment has passed. In a few hours he can leave everything behind. - What is it? - Nothing. - If you want to buy something... - No, I don't want anything. You can reproach me, but but I don't think it has credibility. It's the fault of my disordered life. I bow to female superiority. Not a superior woman, just a happy one. That makes sense, you got what you wanted. I'm not helping you much. And how will you manage to go on? I don't know. But I assure you I won't miss anything. So you don't need to have a guilty conscience. If you want to know the truth, I am happy. Very. You want to convince yourself that you're happy and it wasn't wrong to have a baby. So it's natural to have a baby. If everyone followed nature there would be overpopulation. Even if you do not want, I'll do everything possible for you two. It might be better for everyone if he doesn't know. If it hadn't happened then, there could have been others. It's possible. It was different when I knew her at Jimmy's house. I live in Bradford. What if I had not accompanied you home that evening? Now we could start all over again. We're very different. You're used to travelling around the world, meeting famous people who I've only spoken to on the phone. Sorry, the Director hasn't arrived yet. Try again later. Good morning, sir. Who do you want? Tony, what a surprise! A party? And you accepted immediately. It was a little cold, it rained. You were prettily wrapped. I was still sleeping. - What was that? - Hello, who's speaking? They all say he's a beautiful child, even the doctor. It's not true that you don't look like him, I just said that to make you angry. I'm happy. You'll stay in my home, in Hamburg. - I'd rather not move too soon, for the child. - You're right. Soon I'll have a break and we'll be together. We can do interesting things and get to know ourselves better. I agree. Well. And then you can just ... Tony, let's take it a step at a time. - Can I ask you something? - Sure. Don't laugh, but I want a Matta sausage. No, the doctor has forbidden you. These two men meet on a bridge, and Frederick says to Gerry ... No, Gerry says to Frederick ... - Hey! Have you heard this joke before? - No. Well. Then Gerry tells Frederick ... I can't remember how it goes. I can never remember jokes. You tell me one. Tony! How are ya, Tony! Hi! I'm going to a photo shoot. Can't stop now, see you tonight like we said. Wait a minute! Come on. Sorry, but I'm in a hurry. Vera, I have to talk! Ursula! - It 's after hours, no visitors. - But I have to see her. She's resting, I can't disturb her. Then tell her I'll call her as soon as I get to Paris. - And tell her I'm sorry. - Okay, I'll tell her. Another thing ... This book will denounce corruption behind the "economic miracle". - You've got to help me find a title. - You can think of one. I hope it's going to be a success. When are you going to Hamburg? I haven't decided yet. I'd like some advice from your father for the first draft of the book. - What book? - The one we've been discussing the last two hours! Yes ... sounds great. I've never seen you so restless. Things with that girl didn't go as you wanted, right? - What do you mean? - You're not free of her. Not so. - I made it! - I didn't expect to see you. Tony ... the documents. I can't enter the registry without them. Sorry, I must go, I have an appointment for work. - Call me. See you. - Yes, sure. Good evening. Come on, let's sit down. - How did you leave the clinic? - It was easy. The back door. - I could have sent you the documents. - You know that I wanted to see you. You shouldn't have done it, you're tired. Last call! Let me know how that joke ends. - This isn't the time, the train's leaving. - Go on. - You know I'm useless at it. - It'll be funny. All right! Frederick and Gerry meet on a bridge, and Gerry says to Frederick ... I mean, Frederick tells Gerry ... Again, as usual! Don't give up, honey. You have a bit of time to think about it. It's 8:25. The Orient Express is about to leave. Tony thinks "It's strange. People meet, fall in love, they marry, and have a child. It's done in a confusion of ways but the result is the same." And he takes the first photo for the family album. - I don't know what you mean! Subtitled by Shane Burridge - Thanassis Vengos. - Present. - Stavros Ksenidis. - Present. - Kostas Voutsas. - Present. Have a look at that, mate! Wow, mate! Alas, poor Greece! Someone tell me what we are going to do about that! Can you tell me, Madame? So rightly said, my young man! So rightly said! - Quiet! - Yes, "quiet"! Everything to keep our peace and quiet! Leave us alone, mate! Haven't you got anything else to say? Other nations are progressing, are going to the stars and we just enjoy our sleep, that's all we do! - There! We're sleeping! - You're not in your right mind, sir! Hey, Mister! How can you sleep? Who gave you the right to sleep? The gentleman speaks the truth. Why are you sleeping? - Did you see that, sir? - Certainly I did! - Sit down, please! - Let's sit down, my dear. - I must thank you, my young man! - Quiet! What you said made me particularly glad and I'd like to ask you now to go out together because I have some extremely interesting plans to announce you. - Sure, I'll follow you, sir! - Follow me, then. Do come in. Please! Come in! - Sit down, please. - I'm too excited to sit, Professor. Looking for someone like you for ages I'm deeply moved that I found you now! I have found in you my spiritual successor, my son! - Doctor! Benefactor! Sage! - I'll find vindication at last! The time of recognition of my work has come! My long-time scientific research! I keep sending my work to the Academy, the Polytechnic School, the University! - They ignore it, reject it, deride it! - Shame on them! But now the time of my vindication has come! Here it is! My inquiry on Saturn. - Mars! - Wow! Gemini! - Scorpius! - That was a pin... - Venus! - Venus must have tired you out. Work! Work! There remains only the implementation of my theory! I just wanted a young man with technical experience and scientific authority so as to proceed with the experimental verification. I'm on your side! Full technical training! Oxy welding, fish glue, zinc ointment, bricklaying, varnish, everything! Splendid! Splendid! Now about the craft... Everything! Craft, dinghy, cart, common carrier - - Caution! Wet paint! - Splendid! Now as concerns fuel... - Everything, doctor! Firewood, lignite, coke, oil, kindling for fire and so on! Splendid! Now about funding, I have the financial ability to meet all the needs of this project. We have a sponsor, then everything's all right! - Everything else is just details. - Of course, details! Where have you been all this time? Eh? Please, leave me alone, dear Adrianne. I'm having the most serious scientific discussion with Mr Thanassis. It's 11:00! Drink your milk and off to bed! I don't want milk! I don't like milk! - I don't like it. - You'll drink it! I don't like milk, I'm telling you! You will drink it and I'll put you to bed now! I don't want to go to bed! I don't want! Mr Thanassis, please take her out of here! All right, calm down. - Just a moment, my young woman... - It's none of your business! What if my uncle gets sick and something bad happens to him? What am I going to do, a girl alone? You'll drink it, you'll drink it, you'll drink it! Let me bottle feed him and we'll finish our talk in two minutes. - Only two minutes! - Only two. - He'll drink his milk as well. - He'll drink his milk as well. I've got my plan. We'll run away. I own a lodge by the sea with a large warehouse. We'll get my theoretical work out of here and set up our lab there as well as our rocket launch site. All right but when? Your niece is not joking. Tomorrow is Sunday and Adrianne goes to church. I'll tell a trusted friend of mine that owns a car to help our relocation. That's all right then! The milk now... I can't drink it. - Shall I? - Please! Did he drink it? - Yes, he did. - Fine. Off to bed now! I'll be going now. Good night, Professor. - We'll talk some other time. - Yes, yes... - Farewell, Miss Adrianne. - Farewell. Do you by any chance want me to give him another cup of milk? - No, no I don't want to... - All right, I just asked. Off to bed now! Next morning, with the first ring of the bell... - You're already here, Mr Thanassis? - Certainly. I explain the reasons behind my absence in this note here. My dear friend Polykarpos arrives anytime soon. - Let's pack up my writings. - Of course. Are you here, Polykarpos? Let me introduce you to my assistant and lab director. Come on! Come closer! Come on. Shake your hands. Come on, don't be afraid! - Pleased to meet you. - The pleasure is all mine. - Ah! It's a human! - What else could it be, Polykarpos? Dunno! I just saw his hand hanging on its own. We must all help the move-out. Let me open the door for him. You better relieve him of some of the excessive load. - Are they heavy? - No, they're lightweight. Get another bloody pack to finish off the job! My dear Polykarpos we have to stay for a long time away from home because of a scientific inquiry. Agreed? - Scientific? - Exceptionally scientific. - Scientific? - Of course. - Will we eat food? - My dear! Forget science and let's start carrying things, doctor. - Come on, doctor. - Come, follow me. Don't stay in the city on Sundays! Incredible velocity must be reached during the launch of the spacecraft in order to overcome earth's gravity. Like a bullet! A thousand times faster than a bullet, my dear! There will be astonishing speeds. We must reach a speed of 12,000 km per second. 12,000 km per second? Doctor! Benefactor! Sage! For Venus we must reach even greater speed. 18,000 km per second. For Saturn, 22,000 km per second! And for Neptune, we must reach the amazing speed of 26,000 km per second! Of course! Astonishing speeds! - What do you want, Polykarpos? - Could you push a little? Certainly. Open the door please. Having enough thrust for my rocket to move through atmosphere was the most important problem I had which was solved by... Push with force please, Mr Thanassis. The most important problem, I repeat, which was solved by the immense speed that when is equal to the drag force allows a spacecraft to move on without any further acceleration - You mean without pushing? - Exactly! - Doctor! Benefactor! Sage! - You certainly realize that the problem of fuel was central in my studies. Today, this moment, after long, strenuous intellectual labour I'm in the pleasant position announcing that I know the simplest solution to this problem. Allow me to safeguard this secret for the time being, dear Thanassis, even from you so we won't regret its acquisition by others entirely lacking scientific authority. I'm hearing from journalistic sources that our main competitors, Americans and Russians, consider the solution of solid fuels as the most efficient but I ought to declare my insistence on liquid fuels. Our success relies on their mixture ratio as well as on the addition of one of the most common elements which generates immense propulsion. That's how the problem of fuels is solved once and for all. Fuel? Hey you, what's wrong with the car? Nothing's wrong. It just ran out of fuel... Sea is always blue... Well, we must start carrying things. I'd like the two of us to discuss about the arrangements in the lab. Great. Then let Polykarpos start carrying things Polykarpos, you can start. Is that so? Why not then? I have given a lot of thought to the transformation of this place into a scientific laboratory. - We'll get rid of these. We are going to use this spot here to install the scientific instruments. Reactor... monitors... panels... goniometer... Got it. Pincers, screwdrivers, hammers, adhesive paste... We'll leave this space empty for setting up our craft. What craft? I don't understand. Why do we want a boat? For our spacecraft, of course! In this corner we will position the lab animals which will be the first to be sent into space before the first astronaut. - Down over there? Here we'll set up the meteorological department and, lastly, here... - The dynamo! - The power installation. - That's what I mean, the dynamo! I got it first. One month of hard work... - Doctor! Benefactor! Sage! - I'm so moved! How many years I waited for this moment! How many years of intensive work in the shadows! I'll enjoy at last the fruits of my labour! - Where do we lead science, doctor? - Science always moves forward. - Always forward... - What a masterpiece of perfection! How delicate! Cough! What the hell am I saying... Gloves! Scissors! It's all right. That's it. Screwdriver! Hacksaw! Bodkin! Clothes peg! Clothes peg! Clothes peg! You were amazing! Back to work now! Right. We haven't got much time. Dog, man's faithful companion... I'm going to... - Mourgos and Valentina. - Splendid! Splendid! They look dogs of the highest intelligence and noblest descent! Nah, they're mongrels. How you dare talk like that to doctor? You dare comment on his scientific observations? I can't cooperate with him, Professor. Keep calm, dear Thanassis. No way! His words, the expression on his face! I can't! There's nothing scientific in him! - But they're stray dogs! - Mind your own business! Do only what you're told. Now and ever! - Please calm down. - Bring them inside quickly. And now we enter a new phase in our experiments. Experimental observation and scientific preparation of the two dogs that will be sent into space. I know that, mate. Rabies treatment, tick bites, fleas, lice... Hey! - What? Are you giving them bread? - It's wheat bread! - What "wheat bread"? - From kneaded dough! You are absolutely right, Mr Thanassis. From this day on dogs will follow a scientific diet. We are going to observe how they react to simulated space environment under two different situations: First, of overnourishment, and, second, of undernourishment. One week they gormandize, next week they starve to death. - But in a scientific manner. Right? - Exactly. They will at the same time undergo medical exams. Cardiograms, analyses, checks etc. Meanwhile, you'll take the responsibility for something. Every morning and every evening you'll take them out to have a wee so we won't mess up the place. Right, doctor? It's not good for a scientific lab. You're assigned with this task. I'll hold you responsible. - Morning and evening. - Morning and evening. All right. Take them out now. - But it's noon now! - So what? Will this count as their morning walk or as their evening walk? Cut the crap and take them out now. Of the noblest descent, my foot! Bloody mutts! And now you want a power pole, eh? Well, there's no pole for you! Get up! Can you settle for a tree? Hey, move away! - Stop quarrelling! - We are not! Come now! Stop pestering me! Splendid! - Splendid but... - But? - What's troubling you, Mr Thanassis? - Something is worrying me terribly. Please explain yourself. - International espionage! - Good heavens! We must consider all possibilities, doctor. It never occurred to me. Don't you ever read about the Americans and Russians? Espionage, counter-espionage, FBI, Deuxième Bureau etc. Big jobs! Surveillance aircraft, submarines, secret codes... So we are lost! O beloved homeland! Ill-fated Greece! You were deprived of your last opportunity for glory, the conquest of space. We must get organized, go on counteroffensive. - You talk about us, Mr Thanassis? - Of course! We have to consider our responsibility towards history and future generations. We must strike down the enemies of science! - Mr Thanassis! - Strike them down mercilessly! Spies of the enemy will try to infiltrate our ranks if they haven't made it already. That's why I propose we check the members of the Central Committee one by one. What are you saying? What do you hint at? In any case, I am not one. So we come now to the second Committee member. - To you, doctor. - I'm innocent! - Are you sure? - I am, Mr Thanassis. - You don't confess, do you? - No, I don't! - So you don't confess? - I'm innocent! - Innocent, eh? - That's right! All right, we know that. - Do we? - Of course we do. - And now we come to the third member. - Who? Polykarpos? Yes, this one. - You think so? - I don't like his expression. He is a suspect! A suspect! - What's wrong with him? - I haven't got any evidence yet. but he's a suspected spy! - My God! - Where's he now? - Didn't you send him out with the dogs? Ah, he's with the dogs... We'll check that. There! Onions and bread in a scientific lab! Mr Thanassis! He's nowhere to be found. Let's go to the beach. - You realize why, eh? - No. - A submarine! - Jesus Christ! Get up children! It's late. - Hurry up! - Leave me alone! You got into the water again! Get out! Hold that to put on our clothes. Hurry up! You're not allowed to watch. You're a boy. You can watch. You're a girl. Take off your wet swimsuits quickly! You can't watch either. - Traitor! - Caught in the act! We must find out whom he has contacts with, the nationality of the submarine, whom he has betrayed us to. Make it snappy! Don't shout! Have you seen that? Eh? Hey you, what are you looking at? Beat it, you scum! Get lost! Scram! Don't do that, my kind lady! You fell on your face, doctor! What were you looking for at the beach? - I was looking for a tree. - A tree? - Yes, for the dogs. - A tree in the middle of the sea? This is impossible. We have to deal with this issue in a scientific way. I propose we establish a security service run by one of our own people. - By Polykarpos? - No, brother! I've got my own man. - Is he a master of weapons? - Of course, he is a hunter! He's got his own double-barrel shotgun. He shoots turtledoves, skylarks, woodcocks... So we're going to have game as dinner. I know that he sets snares... traps for rabbits as well. Snares! All over the place! No one will ever come close. Is it all right? Great. Bring the dogs inside and start up the car. We're leaving. How the three musketeers became four... Bring the snares inside later. There are rabbits around here! Come in! I'll be back in a minute. - Doctor, I brought him here. - Whom, my child? Oh, yes. The head of security staff. Splendid, Mr Thanassis! This is my friend Haralambos. Pleased to meet you. Did Mr Thanassis explain everything to you? - Yes, I did. - Great! Great! Well, Haralambos, you'll set the snares all around and when someone is caught - I'll shoot him in the head. No, Haralambos mate! You'll arrest him. Got scared, doctor? He just wanted to show you. - I see. You want them alive. - Yes, alive. - What are we going to do with them? - Do you want to know? Come with me. Well... We'll lock them in this small room We'll keep them until the first launch so they won't speak to anyone. - Everyone? - There will be no exception! After the launch we'll hand them in to the police and let them figure out who's innocent and who's guilty. - That's right! - How many do you want me to round up? Come here Haralambos... Who's going to be the astronaut? I can't see any difficulty at all! I'm in total disagreement with Copernicus. - So you're in disagreement, eh? - Certainly. As you already know this question was originally raised by Euclid in the ancient times. - By Euclid... - Exactly. We must never forget the pre-eminence of the straight line over the curve in the mathematical thought. - Look carefully here at the chart. - I do. Here's Neptune and here's Saturn. - And that's Venus. - You see that? - Of course, the white marks over here. - Exactly. Let's assume we want to travel from Neptune to Saturn. It's so simple. We follow the straight line. Look here. It's so simple! You set the route of your spaceship directly from Neptune to Saturn. You can't but get there. Yes, of course. Fine but how could I know which star Saturn is? But it's the star right ahead of you! - Did you understand? - Yes, yes, sure... I can hardly wait for the day of the launch when I'll become the first astronaut! The first Greek astronaut! - No, doctor. It won't be you. - Impossible! Impossible! It will be me and only me. I won't let you expose yourself to such a danger. What will happen if a mistake occurs? Who will draw the right conclusions so that mistake would never happen again? Who's going to carry on your work? Alas, Mr Thanassis! I can see you are right. You convinced me. You'll be entrusted with the navigation of the first Greek interplanetary spacecraft. You put your life in danger in the service of science. - Oh not my life! - Of course, my dear, My calculations, as you know, demonstrate that in the beginning the rate of accidents will rise... up to 90%! - That means 90% of... boom? - Exactly! And I'll be the first? Only you had the courage and the faith to accept this honour! And you will construct other rockets to carry on the missions after. Exactly. There will be other rockets. Who is going to make them? - Eh, you'll find another one. - Impossible! You can't go either, Mr Thanassis. Impossible! Regrettably, we two are tasked by science with staying back here on old earth to organize and supervise new missions of other, luckier collaborators. - All right. - [Polykarpos] The dog is having a pee. We have to find the suitable person to charge with this mission. Hey? What do you want me to do now? - My God! We found him. - Yes, it's him, Polykarpos! My congratulations, Polykarpos! You're so lucky, Polykarpos. My compliments. Thank you, thank you! - OK, enough shaking for now! - Fortune favours you scandalously! Thousands of young people will gaze towards your face admiring the idol of a new technological era You are the agent of Greek nation's ideals! A new Greek civilization emerges with you of which you are the idol! Once again, my warmest congratulations! Mine too. Bravo! Bravo! So tell me now what have I become? Idol? Cyclitol? Capitol? - The first Greek astronaut! - Oh! Astronaut? I don't want to. - Hold it! Where're you going? - I don't want to. Imagine! You'll be first man on the moon! And do what up there? - Don't you want to go up on the moon? - On the moon? No. Obstinate! Don't you feel ashamed? Don't you blush with shame? The professor here charges you with one of the greatest missions and you turn him down. I'll smash your head! Why? - So, the professor wants me... - Of course, he does. - Can I speak you in private? - What have you got to say? Eh? Come along! Give me a moment. What do you want? Speak! If the professor wants it that much, then I'll do it. - So you'll do it now. - But on certain conditions... Huh! You have the face to lay down conditions! Let's hear them. First of all, you must guarantee that if I am to go, I shall at any rate come back. Is that all? It's 90% OK! You'll come and go in a flash. That's a deal! All right. Now something else... - I feel embarrassed... - You shouldn't be. There! When I'll be back, I want the "vizier" to give me his niece as a wife... - What "vizier"? - The professor, mate! Things you hear! And how come you know the niece of vizier... err... of professor? Adrianne? I love her. So that's why you've been visiting them. Wait for me to go telling him. Are you going to be late? - Will you go to moon now? - Now I will. - There he is! - Where? Don't move! Hands up! Move forward. Excellent, Haralambos! Get them inside! Inside! We didn't steal anything, my good people! We're on our way to our farm. Silence! Get inside! - But they really look like villagers. - You don't know these things, doctor. Let us do our job! They may be camouflaged! You must be right... Get inside. Get inside! Good Lord! Basic astronaut training... Brilliant! 208! It's too loose here. Does it fit you well at the waist? - We're OK in every other respect. - Absolutely so. - Did you fill the application form? - What? - Any particular comment, doctor? - An exceptional outfit! Mr Thanassis, you are amazing! - Who needs the ready-made stuff! - Splendid! Polykarpos? Polykarpos! Don't play with your buttons! You need special lessons to learn how to use them. Now we're going to inaugurate the special plan "CTFS", that is cosmonaut's training for spaceflight. Adaptation to zero-gravity environmental conditions... - That's right, gravity! - First experiment: Five-minute trial under powerful streams. In the wardrobe! I see. All right, take it off now. - I don't want to! - Don't you? Ready! That's enough. I'm so satisfied with this test. He displayed great ability to endure air streams. He's strong as a dogfish! Come out! - What's coming next? - The astronaut's chair. Please, show the way to Polykarpos. Here, we're going to watch astronaut's reactions. Please, activate the chair. Isn't it enough? Halt it. So, is he going well? - Stones! - Stones? - Kidney stones... - That means he failed the tests. Let the next one in. Next, please! - Next? There's no one next! - I think, Mr Thanassis, that... we must impose dietary restrictions, set out a scientific meal plan for him. Complete abstinence from meat, fish, proteins in general, fruits and pasta. - Can he drink water? - A little. That's what interests me. Hey, what are you doing there? You thought it was easy to get to the moon? So you wanted Adrianne, eh? - Yes. I do love her. - Shut up now. But I love her! What else now? - Zero-gravity training. - Ah, of course. Again? Show him how to do it, doctor, because I must go and see what's happening. Come on, move your legs! What's all this, Haralambos? Don't you see they came for a swim? Those two strayed away from their group of friends and came towards us. - Then they were hiding in the bushes. - What bushes? What else could I do? I suspected them No, Haralambos! - Shall I let them go? - No, it's too late now. Get inside! - What's going on here, gentlemen? - No arguments, please! Just a call to the father of this girl and he'll come to finish you off! Let us take our clothes! - Can't even take our clothes? - Later, later! Get inside! Get inside! Get inside! - Are they nuts? - They're evil spirits! Get your hands off her or I'll give you a slap in the face! Cut this nonsense now! We've got to find how we'll get out of here. That's enough for today, Mr Thanassis. - Get down. - No, I like it up here. Come on, make it fast! What's coming next now? - Antivertigo exercises now. - Oh I see. Come along. Move on. Here, together! Not there! - Climb up. - Where to? - Up there on the platform. - There? Mind you don't fall asleep 'cause you'll fall flat on the ground. The astronaut training goes on... 3 parts of nitric acid. 4 parts of barbituric acid. Now the great secret... One part of rosewater. Not from that side! Not from that side! Pull it through the other side! Not from there! - Not that way! Through the other side! - Get away! That's all we needed! What do you want? What's your job outside? Electrical engineer, graduate of Polytechnic school. How dare you speak? Polytechnic, my foot! You don't know a thing! Get lost! Get lost! And some mustard essential oil... We're coming increasingly closer to success! - Hey! - What is it? - I'm hungry. - You're hungry? There's still half an hour. Then you'll take the dogs out for a walk and the three of you will eat. Uh-oh! They were hanging about here. Don't you see they forage for wild greens? They may be dressed in camouflage. Take them inside. Are you those who make the carnival floats? What "carnival float", Mrs Maria? Two months have passed since Easter! They are really making a carnival float. There it is! Get inside! Get inside! Has this half an hour passed? Not yet! My good lad? Do you perhaps need a whitewasher? My husband is two months now out of work. His trousers were torn sitting on café's chairs. I've got three children, poor me! So I go foraging for wild greens. Do you perhaps need a whitewasher to work for a few days? No, auntie! We've got no jobs here but we'll soon enough set out something that'll create many jobs, even for your husband. Truly! Very soon there will be jobs for everyone. Tormented Greece! How long must you wait for happiness? When shall we fill up our mouths with bread? - We'll send you word. - God bless you, my son! Get down right now! You lay down all the time! Shall I take the dogs out and then have dinner? You're not going anywhere! I'll give you a lesson. Food is always on your mind! Come to the chart quickly! Are you still there? - Can you see the stars? - No. - Where are you staring at? - At the ceiling. Here, these stars on the blackboard! What's this over there? Attention! Roadworks! Choose another way. The roads are getting repaired. Choose another way. - Well, when Copernicus and Euclid... - Who are they? Why do you care? Why care who Euclid is? When... Where are you going to? Come back. Since there's no reason to care... Pay attention now. - If you keep on straight ahead... - I rather have dinner instead! You won't escape. I'll tell you everything some other time. I was right in saying that we'll have game as dinner. Get back to the blackboard. Back to the blackboard! The eve of Mourgos' spaceflight... This is Athens Radio Station. Our news broadcast goes on. Weather Forecast: The meteorological service announces that... weather will range from bright and clear to partly cloudy in the next 24 hrs It will be more cloudy in the afternoon and evening hours. Sky will be covered by thick clouds during nighttime. In the early hours winds will be southerly, light and, later, will change into northwest and strong. Temperature unchanged with a small drop later on. Sea at the Saronic gulf will be calm... In the rest of the country: Weather in Northern Greece will be cloudy with a chance of rain... Shut up! What's new? Is it going to rain tomorrow? Locally, rains in the north. Good weather with a little bit of clouds... A little bit... Well, we'll see tomorrow if it will rain. Mr Thanassis, in case of bad weather we'll be forced to postpone the launch. Of course we will. It won't be a problem. The rabbit's ready! You must be hungry, eh? You must be very hungry... - Very hungry! - A double ration then. Last instructions... My compliments, Haralambos! At least, he knows how to cook a rabbit. Right, doctor? Most delicious! Well, doctor... Can you tell us a last time what each one of us must do tomorrow? Let's recapitulate step by step and for each one individually the operation tomorrow. 5:00 pm... Transfer of rocket to the launch site. Mourgos is boarding spaceship. - I'm hungry! - Departure of me and Thanassis to determined position in order to retrieve the capsule with the dog after the fall of the spaceship onto the sea. 9:00 pm: Launch of the rocket by pressing the launch button done by dearest Polykarpos. Special tasks of Haralambos Reconnaissance and surveillance over the area for security reasons. Did you get that? At nine I press a button. All right! I'm sure you know your job. Haralambos is furthermore requested to prepare Mourgos' meal that will be eaten during flight. Right! Haralambos, you're going to fry the lamb chops I brought inside. Before the launch you'll put them in the capsule next to Mourgos. Don't forget to wrap them with wax paper. Let us now retire to our beds. Tomorrow will be a very important day for drawing conclusions concerning the launch of our dear Polykarpos. Well, it didn't rain the next day... Come on, hand him over! Carefully please, Mr Thanassis. Carefully! Give me the lamb chops. Straight up! That's it! At 9 sharp. Ah, we've still got plenty of time! - Don't you have a watch? - No, but I know, I know... You don't know a damn thing! Get closer. My dear Polykarpos! Oops! No further! It is 9 o' clock. It is gone! It is gone! It doesn't receive anything! It doesn't receive! There it is! It's not this one! We've got to go back rightaway. My goodness! Hurry up, doctor! Polykarpos! Hey! What on earth are you doing there? I'm talking to you! Answer me! - Are you eating? - Yes, I am. - Don't, Thanassis! Please! - Let me be, doctor! Reckless astronaut! Don't do it, Thanassis! I brought another two. Don't get disappointed... I'm hungry! It's done, doctor. The new rocket is ready. I added a few small accessories made by me so the negligible anomaly we had the other day won't happen again. Your initiative is much appreciated and greatly moving. How're things going here? What's new about fuels? I found out the reason of failure during the launch of dog Mourgos. The percentage of the two basic ingredients in the mix was lower than necessary. Don't spoil the recipe, doctor! Don't spoil the recipe! Hunger is a bad advisor... To arms! Sound the alarm! Who's down there? Saboteurs! Spies! Who's there? Why do they keep silent? My God! The captives will all run away! Hurry up, doctor! Move your legs! - What's happening, mates? - Doctor, to the hosepipes! Pour water any way you can! - What were you doing in there? - I'm hungry! What did you take it for? A refrigerator? It wasn't me! What a resemblance! It's the spitting image of its mum! The grand day has come! My dear friends! The great moment has come when the first Greek astronaut, most beloved friend Polykarpos... Excuse me, I'm so moved. Doctor! Benefactor! Sage! Don't you be afraid! If I won't return, please take care of Adrianne. Come now! Canned food for the trip. Squid. Grab that loaf of bread! Ready? Ready! 7, 6... 2... What's this? Polykarpos! What are you doing here? So I'm back. Am I? All right, doctor. We mustn't complain. We at least found water. It's all right! We found water! How are we going to use it? We'll plant vegetables. Melons, watermelons, aubergines, courgettes, tomatoes! So do you agree? Shall we plant vegetables? The End (PA) 'Attention, please. 'This is the last call to passengers 'for Pan American flight 114 for Paris.' Any time I fly anywhere I wonder who will sit next to me. This flight from New York to Paris takes seven hours. It can seem like seven days, unless you're lucky enough to be sitting next to someone absolutely fascinating. Today I feel lucky. This trip I know she will be absolutely gorgeous. (Hostess) In there. It takes longer to get from New Jersey to Idlewild than to get from Idlewild to Paris. What's more, I know I'm gonna be airsick all the way across. I'm sorry, ma'am. Your seat is 23A. Oh, for heaven's sake! Can't anybody get anything right these days? ! You're here, Miss North. Thank you. (PA) 'Attention, please. Will passengers fasten...' As we're sitting together for seven hours, perhaps I should introduce myself. That's not really necessary. I saw your name on the passenger list. You're famous. You're Simon Templar. So, you haven't seen or heard from your brother in 20 years? No. Not since we were kids. - Where were you born? - Paris. We lived there until 1940. - When the Germans arrived. - Yes. My father was determined for Charles and I to leave, but he couldn't come with us, so he sent us off to an old friend. - We were just children. - Now you've found your brother. Well, the Norths did try from time to time, but without any success. So, last month I thought I'd try just once more. I put in an ad in all the Paris newspapers. - And Charles answered? - Yes. Isn't it wonderful? And he wrote to me and we exchanged snapshots... I'll show you. He'd assumed I was dead. Now in five hours I'm going to see him. - He's meeting you at Orly? - Yes. - I expect you're nervous. - I am a bit. He'll be a stranger. We don't even have the same name any more. - Hmm? What's his? - Brione... Charles Brione. De Charles Brione, 32 Rue Azoute, Paris 14ème. - No letter. - No, Inspector. Just the envelope. - Postmarked Nassau. - Oui. A week ago. Well, what do you know about him? His body was found in the Seine two hours ago. A knife had completely savaged the left ventricle. - A record, perhaps? - No, Inspector. He worked as a clerk at a shipping company in the Rue de Rivoli. - Personal possessions? - A wallet, keys, identity card, 500 francs and this envelope. Oh, and the photograph of a girl, signed "love, Valerie". Inspector... This line around the neck like a piece of black string... - Why? - I don't know. Let's take a look at where he lived. (Doorbell) - You are Madame Duras? - Oui. - My name is Quercy. Police. - Police? Oh! You have my sympathy, monsieur(! ) You have a boarder, M Charles Brione. Why always do the police ask the questions when they already know the answer? Since 20 years, I am concierge here and never have the police asked one question which they couldn't answer themselves. - Silence, madame. - "You are Madame Duras." "You have a boarder, Charles Brione." Stupidity follow you around like a little dog. Zut! Be quiet, you old bag. I intend to see his room. I do not want to argue with you. If the gas meters you wish to inspect, they are in the cellar. I have been robbing them for years. If you bully an old bag like me, they will make you chief inspector. Chief Inspector of Old Bags. (Cackles) Voilà, this is his room. Merci, madame. You may leave us. So you can steal his things, eh? Ecoute! Va t'en! - Allez! Allez! - (Mutters curses in French) Charles, darling, I... Oh! Who are you? We are police officers. But why? Where is Charles? Is something wrong? Are you a friend of M Brione's, mademoiselle? Claval. Josie Claval. Of course, we are friends, Charles and I. - When did you last see him? - Last night. He came to the club. - What club? - Le Bal Noir. I sing there. - How long have you known him? - Three months. Since I came here. Do you know if he was writing to anybody in the Bahamas? But, yes. His sister. His sister? Would this be her? Yes, it is. Charles showed me the photograph many times. It's strange. Brother and sister, but not even the same name. She was adopted by English people. Twice in five minutes I've climbed those stairs for a pair of cops! This cable just arrived for M Brione. The exercise, madame, has not improved your manners. Salaud! Er... "Confirming arrival, Orly Airport, 10:50am. Love, Valerie." Monsieur, please. I beg of you. Is something wrong? Is Charles in trouble? Mademoiselle, I suggest you sit down. You too, madame. If that chair can take you. Charles Brione's body was found two hours ago. He was murdered. Paris. This Mademoiselle North... She will be on this flight? You read the letter to her brother. - Any sign of him? - Not yet. - We are a few minutes early. - Yes. I'll leave you to have your reunion in private. - You've been very kind. Thank you. - My pleasure. Incidentally, as we're staying at the same hotel, I'd like to call you. - Maybe you both would have dinner? - I'd like that. - Fine. Till then? - Goodbye. Inspector Quercy, how nice to see you! Ah, M Templar! How very nice to see you... provided you have come to France only as a tourist. - Now, what does that mean? - (Chuckles) There are servants of the Republic, of whom I am one, whose job is to concern themselves with crime. We do not allow private individuals to take over duties of the police. Nor do we permit anyone to administer his own interpretation of justice. Furthermore, I must warn you that here under the Code... -.. Napoleon. -.. Napoleon, we have not the advantage that you have in England and America. - There you are innocent... -..until proven guilty. Here I'm guilty until proven innocent. That will be my attitude. Inspector, I'm in Paris only for the food, the wine and... - beautiful women. - Ah, good. Let it remain so. I have absolutely no intention of giving you any trouble...so far. Isn't that your perpetual shadow, Sergeant Luduc? Excuse me, I have a rather unpleasant task. Inspector, does it involve Valerie North? Do you know her? I've been sitting next to her on the plane for seven hours. Come with me. My shoulder is too old and hard for a woman to cry on. Ah! They're turning into I'Avenue de Colisé. Obviously. - You suppose she's wearing it? - Yes, like her brother. Mademoiselle, should you remember some time anything in your brother's letters that could help us, you can always reach me at this number. Mademoiselle, I know these things do happen. One wonders whether there is any goodness left anywhere in the world. But in his wisdom le Bon Dieu, he... Well, I'm very, very sorry. And you will not forget what I said at the airport. Scout's honour. - Au revoir, mademoiselle. - Goodbye. I just can't believe this has happened. Who did it? Why? - I have no idea. - It's so terrible knowing nothing. Do you think Charles was in trouble? The Inspector told me he had no police record. Oh, I don't know what to do. Stay here? Go home? Valerie. Come here. Look. They call it the City of Light. Glittering, stimulating, exciting... and waiting. Not for me. I'd like to help you. But you hardly know me. Why should you bother? I never intend running into trouble. Trouble has the propensity of running into me. Let's say I can never resist a challenge. You mean we should try and find out why Charles died? - Exactly. - Where do we start? - May I make a suggestion? - Of course. This place has one of the finest bars in Paris. (# Band plays) Salut. (Sighs) I needed that. You'll feel even better after a Parisian lunch. - I'll take you to Maxim's. - Wonderful. I'll have to change. Not until you finish your drink. Please, excuse me. You are, I believe, Miss North. Yes, I am. My name is Georges Olivant. I'm an old friend of your father. (Valerie) You knew my father? (Olivant) We fought together in the Résistance. Won't you join us? I'm Simon Templar. Enchanté, monsieur. Just for a moment. I do not want to intrude. I read about your trip to Paris, so naturally, I tried to find you. M Olivant... did you know Charles? Alas, no, mademoiselle. I was in Belgium when I read about your reunion with your brother. I came to Paris as soon as possible to find him, only to read in the papers about his death. We can only hope the police find his murderer. However, I place myself at your disposition. I will be only too happy. Perhaps you would care to have dinner with me tomorrow evening. - Yes, I'd like that. Thank you. - Good. Then I shall be here at 8:00. Will you have a drink, monsieur? - Thank you. A Campari and soda. - (Simon) Garçon! I have so much to tell you about your father and what he did for the Résistance. To think that I have not seen you since you were such a little girl. - Uh, Campari and soda. - Thank you. - Is this your first trip to Paris? - Yes. But I haven't seen the city. Just my hotel room. Valerie? Monsieur Olivant? - You say your home is in Brussels? - Oh, no, no, no. But I go on business two, three times a month. I'm going to Brussels myself next Friday. I'll be at the Royale. Do you know it? - An excellent hotel. - Do you know it well? Mais, bien sûr. I stayed there myself only last week. Valerie, we should be going. - I haven't finished my drink. - Let's go. Would you pass me my cigarette case, please? Mister Templar, I do not understand. Is there anything wrong? Very wrong. And Miss North will not be having dinner with you tomorrow. The minute we shook hands I had a hunch about him. I have a built-in Geiger counter that reacts to frauds. - How could you be sure? - I'm positive. He said he stayed at the Royale last week. - Well? - The Royale burned down months ago. I see. But why should he lie? I have no idea. Maybe we can figure it out over lunch. - I'll call you in five minutes. - All right. (Screams) (Valerie) Operator! (Valerie) Hello? Operator! Hello? Police! Police! We must get the police quickly! I'm sorry. I did my best. - Are you sure she was wearing it? - Yes. - On a chain like the brother? - Around the neck. Then follow her. Do not let her out of your sight until you get it. - Otherwise, no payment. Understand? - Yes. And this man Templar, he must be watched. But be careful. He's a very dangerous man. And Kaplan... Do not fail again. Ah, mon petit bébé. I always feed you. And you always want to peck me. Look, mon petit bébé. Oh, no, you would not eat this. This is worth a lot of money. And soon I shall have another one just like it. (Simon) He tried to tear it off. (Valerie) Yes. First, I was too frightened to realise what was happening. But as soon as he saw the medal, he started clawing at the chain. I don't get it. Why all that trouble for a St Christopher you can buy anywhere for 20 francs? I don't understand it either. What's this mark, the indentation above the head? I don't know. It's always been there. - When did you get it? - My father made it. - Made it? - He was a silversmith and jeweller. I remember he gave it to me the night I left Paris. A jeweller, eh? Was he rich? Even if he was, the Nazis confiscated everything. He was Jewish. Did Charles have one of these? He didn't say anything in his letters. What got you into the papers? Olivant seemed to know a lot about you. When Charles answered the ad, the editor of the paper gave us a lot of space. You know... Human interest story - brother and sister to be reunited after 20 years. So anyone reading Paris papers would know about the Brione family. I suppose so. - Where did Charles live? - 32, Rue Azoute. - May I keep this for a while? - Of course. I'm afraid we're going to have to postpone our sightseeing tour. - I'm beginning to get an idea. - Any way I can help? Stay in your room until I get back. Have lunch and dinner sent up. And insist on having two room service waiters. - Why? - I think you're in grave danger. Promise me that you won't as much as put your nose outside the door. (Sighs) All right. - Where are you going? - To see an old friend of mine. I worked with him during the Résistance. He was a very brave man. He gave Himmler's hatchet men even more ulcers than bullets. Now, remember your promise. Bonjour, monsieur. Puis-je vous aider? You have a copy of the poems of François Villon? I'm sorry, monsieur. Today there is no demand for old books. But where are the snows of yesteryear? - Simon! - Antoine. It's good to see you. Simon! My dear boy. What brings you back? After all these years. Like always, Antoine. I need your help. You have it! You ever heard of a man named Georges Olivant? Olivant? What does he do? According to him, he worked in the Résistance. Hmm? Olivant? The Résistance, you say? Well, there were so many of us. It is long ago. No, I do not recall his name. If he was in the Résistance, he was probably also with the Gestapo. Many of them are traitors, of course, but most of them changed their names. I have a set of his prints on this. You think you could get them checked? I still have some friends at the Palais de Justice. You'll keep it quiet. - Like a tomb. - How long will it take? If his prints are on file, you can have everything you want by 11:00. Antoine, you haven't changed a bit. Is there anything else I can do? Yes, do you by any chance have a doctor friend with a microscope? It is done. Fine. I'll see you at 11:00. Ah, Simon... The memories, eh? And all so long ago. You were so brave. And so very, very young. I'll see you later. A toute à l'heure, mon vieux. (Knock at door) - Who is it? - It's Victor Quercy, police. - Have you any news? - No, I'm afraid not. I have talked to every guest and employee. No one saw this man. However, we are not giving up. I'd like you to come to the Préfecture and see some photographs. A sort of rogues' gallery? Oh, men who have had convictions for hotel burglary. Can you come now? I promised Mr Templar I wouldn't leave this room. - Why? - He thinks I'm in danger. I give you my guarantee that you will be adequately protected en route and that Sergeant Luduc will drive you back here himself. Well, in that case... I would not do this for everyone. - I still have my principles. - You have more than that, madame. - Bonjour, Madame Duras. - Huh! - Excusez-moi, monsieur. - Why not? Glamour by gaslight and a bushel of hips. Who is she? She was born in the tumbling poverty of the back streets of Paris. Now she is a singer at Le Bal Noir. Obviously, you can see why. What's her name? Josie Claval. She was the girlfriend of Charles Brione. (Mme Duras) This is his room. You may look for five minutes. No more. - What was he like? - Ah, he was un bon garçon. Did he ever mention his sister? Monsieur, even an old bag like me can squeeze a tear for such a story. Mademoiselle North, n'est-ce pas? I'm sorry, Inspector. The man who broke into my room isn't here. Well, as the Americans say, it was the old college try. Thank you for coming. - I'm afraid I wasn't much help. - Not at all. In a day or two, I shall return your brother's effects. And our Sergeant Luduc will drive you back to the hotel. - Thank you. Goodbye. - Au revoir, mademoiselle. Imagine! After 20 years they find each other and now this poor boy is dead. Yes, it is a tragedy. And the police can do nothing. I'm afraid the police are out of their depths. Out of their depths! Monsieur, they are like a school of whales at the Folies Bergère. Madame Duras? Do you know by any chance how long ago this was taken? Oui. Some weeks ago, during the hot spell. Of course, for that one, always it is the hot spell. Do you think I could take it with me? - Monsieur, will it help? - I think so. - Bien, it is yours. - Merci, madame. Inspector, it's a simple question. Was there a St Christopher medal amongst Charles Brione's effects? There was not. Was there by any chance a mark around his neck? You knew about that? - I suspected it. - Why? Well, I think it was made by the chain of a medal biting into his flesh when it was torn off his neck. I don't understand. What possible value is there to a St Christopher medal? I don't know either. But it's what that character was after in Valerie North's hotel room. - Are you getting anywhere with that? - We're working on it. You might help us by looking through some photographs. Miss North couldn't and she saw hundreds. - Valerie was here? - Yes, she just left. - Alone? - Of course not. I'm not a complete idiot, Mr Templar. Sergeant Luduc is driving her to her hotel in a police car. You see, mademoiselle. I need money. More than most people. I do not only enjoy these beautiful things. I need them in here for the benefit of my soul. But what do you want with me? Why am I here? I shall explain. I have this one. I must have the other one also. - Did that belong to Charles? - Yes. - You killed him! - It was the only way to get this. You-you killed him for a medal. They were keepsakes. My father gave them to us when we were children. I don't understand! I intend to get yours as well. Where is it? I gave it to Mr Templar. He asked for it. - Just handed it over? Where is he? - I don't know. - Is he staying at your hotel? - He's out somewhere. Then we shall have to find him. # Je suis toute seule, lonely am I # Without you # Je ne sais pas pourquoi # Je ne sais pas, dites-moi # What have I done? Where have you gone? # Without me # Yes, I still recall # Les jours si pleins de joie # But now j'ai mal au coeur # J'ai mal au coeur # Comment ça va with you? # How was it, friends, with you? # Je suis toute seule # Lonely am I # Without # You # (Applause) Good evening. Have we met, monsieur? We came rather close to it this afternoon, with Madame Duras. Ah, yes. Will you join me for some champagne? Well, um...thank you. How well did you know Charles Brione? Why are you so interested? I'm a friend of his sister's. I'm trying to find out how he died. Do you remember him having one of these? No, I do not. It's funny. I thought you might have noticed it. No. I saw a photograph of him taken with you. He was wearing one then. - You mean the one on the beach? - Yes. I would very much like to have this, monsieur, as something to remember him by. I'm afraid this one is his sister's. Oh. I think I know something that the police do not. I've been afraid to tell anyone. Maybe we can see each other afterwards. I'd like that very much. I have another show at midnight. Then I'm free. - We'll have champagne in my room. - Fine. I have something to do first. I will looking forward to that. But I tell you he has it with him. Listen, after my last show, he is coming home with me. Have Mario and Kaplan waiting in my home. Josie... Josie, you talk like a fool. Wait. Listen to me. He will not come back from this errand he speaks of. He knows what the medal is worth. Listen. You will follow him. And when he settles, you'll ring me back here. He is leaving now. Oui. Oui, oui. (Bells chime) Well, Antoine. Any luck? Simon, it is incredible. - Like the answer to a prayer. - What is? It is not the fashion now to let the memories of wartime tear one's heart with hate. But I am old. I do not forget. Simon, the fingerprints on your cigarette case belong to a man we used to call the headsman - Henri Flandin. Flandin? I thought he was dead. No. He went to prison for eight years as a collaborator. He came out. He changed his name. We lost him. Here. Look for yourself. Eight years for the murder of 27 men. A betrayal of the very heart of France. And for money! Oh, Simon. Ever since that night of the drop, I have dreamed of finding this man. When he came out of prison, Finistère and I and... another - he is a high official now - we swore that one day we would find this man and kill him. Georges Olivant... Henri Flandin. From jail to riches. Yes, on the blood money paid to him by the Germans. Safely hidden away before he went to prison. Simon, do you know where this man is? Yes. Now, just a moment. First things first. - I came here to look at this. - Oh, of course. Do you have a stronger light? Yes, there is a lamp in the office. I followed him from Le Bal Noir to 17 Place Lussac on the Left Bank. It is a bookstore. A bookstore? At this hour? I see. And you? The bistro across the street. Good. Mario and Kaplan will be there. And you have done very well. A bookstore. 17, Place Lussac. You know what to do. Be patient, mon petit bébé. Soon we shall be very rich again. Carving the Lord's Prayer on the head of a pin is nothing compared to this. Here. Take a look. (Gasps) It is fantastic! I can see it now. Valerie and Charles Brione were little more than babies. The Germans were marching on Paris and old Eli Brione was too disheartened to run away. - Or too proud. - Perhaps. But he wanted to leave something to his children. Cash or jewellery would have been taken away from them. He had to leave them something the invaders couldn't touch. The children were too young to remember or even understand anything he might tell them. But he had to leave them a message they would understand some day. A message the Germans couldn't destroy. It is amazing. A message on paper was no good. A tattoo might have done. But Eli Brione was a jeweller. And he found a jeweller's solution. Can't you just see him? Carving the most important achievement of his engraver's art. Ingenious and foolproof. A message on a medal because it was indestructible. Silver because gold might have attracted a thief. A St Christopher because no one would stoop so low as to take a religious medal from a child. Then it would be treasured more carefully. Which it was. Antoine, I must go. I've work to do. Simon... This Olivant. You must let us deal with him. Finistère and I and, uh, our other friend. Antoine, forget the old hate. Olivant murdered Charles Brione. - The law will take care of him. - He murdered 27 men. - The law gave him eight years. - It was a long time ago. It is now to me. We three must deal with this man. You and Finistère and who else? We never met him. He is known as "Number 12". Now he is a famous man in Paris. Because of his position, he cannot avenge himself publicly. Simon. Once you obeyed me without question. Why will you not obey me once more? You should let the police deal with it. It will be the same in the end. Je vous en prie. All right. First I have to get the other medal. Give me a ten minute start. After that he's all yours. Back up. And you, too. The medal. Where is it? - No idea. - The girl gave it to you. - Did she? - She told us. We have her. - I want it. Where is it? - It's in a book. - Which one? - A book of poems by François Villon. - Simon! It is years. - What does he mean? Answer me. He means nothing. I'll get it. - The right one. - Yes, I know. - Where's the girl? - Where you won't find her. Now, where is she? Don't. She's with Olivant. Villa Pressage, Rue du Nord, St Cloud. Antoine, you still have the cellar? Everything is the same. Even the bookcase worked. Fine. Right, move, you two. Antoine, take care of them. (Rings) Hello. When? Where? - And Kaplan? - I don't know what happened. - He just left in your car. - I see. Perhaps it is better this way. Much better. Do not worry. I think, mademoiselle, we are about to have a visitor. Your friend Mr Templar is saving me a lot of trouble. He's bringing the medal here himself. I'm always prepared to move quickly. (Doorbell) I hope you'll use your charm, mademoiselle, to convince Mr Templar to give me the medal peacefully. Otherwise... Well? Shall we answer the door? Open it, mademoiselle. - Valerie, are you all right? - Yes. That'll be far enough. Well, what do we have here? A shopping expedition? Bag packed. - Switzerland? - Mr Templar, - we can come to an agreement. - You shut up. I'll do the talking. There's one more piece in this puzzle I have to fit into place. Valerie... When your father gave you the medal, did he say anything about it? Did he tell you to look for any kind of message? Simon, I was just a kid. Where's the medal you killed Charles Brione for? Come on! Does the name Henri Flandin mean anything to you? He was a friend of my father's. Where is he now? Dead, I suppose. You're looking at him. (Valerie) Monsieur Olivant? ! Henri Flandin. Traitor, collaborator. He betrayed your father to the Nazis. That is a lie! You were Eli Brione's best friend. He told you about the message on those medals and you swore to find his children and tell them. How do you know that? Do you remember the night of the drop? I paid my debt. Eight years in prison as a collaborator? I served my sentence. There are three men who don't think it was quite enough. Once there were 30 men, waiting in a clearing in the woods before dawn. They had flashlights hooked up to an car battery to guide a plane. The first parachute drop from the Free French Government in Britain. Machine guns, pistols, ammunition. The men crossed the clearing to pick up the supplies. Suddenly, the woods were full of storm troopers. In a hail of bullets, 27 of those men fell dead. Why? Because he betrayed them. Simon, how do you know all this? The man I went to see this afternoon had his fingerprints checked. There's no doubt about it. Georges Olivant is Henri Flandin. (Doorbell) Let them in. Them? (Simon) The three who escaped. (Quercy) I'll take that gun, Mr Templar. Quercy! - I didn't expect you. - Didn't you? You were one of the three that night? - I still have a bullet in my hip. - He is Number 12. (Squawks) He is rich even dead. (Parrot squawks) Poor father. I wish I could have known him. This is what he engraved on the medals. "I, Eli Brione, bequeath to the bearer "of whom this shall be sufficient identification "one half of the 500,000 francs on deposit in my name "in account number 48976 at the Swiss National Bank in Geneva." It's 100,000 dollars. I wish Charles could have shared it. Try not to think too much about that. Think of the future. Yes, of course. To the future, then? What do you want? A Flower in the Rock Why did you do it? I couldn't do otherwise. I had regained my consciousness. Forgive me. Fine, we'll talk later. Get some rest. Don't go, doctor. Stay. Come with me, doctor. Birds... you hear them? Doctor, do you know these trees are only a year old? No, I'm new to these parts. So, you don't know how it all started... No. "A city shall be founded here to spite our haughty foe..." Future site of the Komsomol mine. Look at that. Say cheese! Not bad, eh? Where's welcoming committee? Where do we get our mail? Liuda, where's me and the wife gonna shack up? Boys, they're coming! A great big Donetsk greeting to the komsomol boys! And who might you be? Allow me to introduce myself - Grigorij Griva, digger. So you dig, eh? I'm diggin' you... Bluest eyes 'neath the blackest of brows beware my son, said the old man. You should have listened to the old man. It's all decided then: today we dance, dinner tomorrow, for good form, the registry the day after, and you move into my place as my lawful wife. What if I say no? You know who you talking to? Who? The Pride of DonBass! Grigorij Griva! Let the Pride wait a while. We'll dance when he learns to ask properly. You gonna teach me? Listen, she's not alone here, see? I don't see nuttin'! Too bad for you. They're coming! They're coming! Where you going? What about that dinner? Here comes another one! A car - not too shabby! Good day! Hello! Who might you be? Me? ... I'm the future director of the future mine. - Comrade Varchenko? - Pavel Fedorovich. I'm the komsomol organizer. Not bad... You're going to the DonBass. You'll be building a mine. It won't be easy. But where it isn't easy, that's where souls turn to God. You'll work hard, be an exemplar, make lots of loyal friends. I'll come in a year, we'll gather our brothers and sisters make a big family, and give glory to the Almighty. I'll give glory here, and beg for mercy. - No, no, it must be there. - It can be here, too. - Khristina... - I can't! - Khristina! Griva? What are you doing here? I'm dreaming. Dreaming? What about? Wouldn't you like to know, Miss Organizer. Why don't you come in, we'll dance. You're asking me? Well ok, but only if you dance with me, and me alone! Is that a law around here? It's my law! Liuda! Liuda! You have a letter! It's a bit wet, sorry! A newspaper and a magazine... Oh, Djaparidze got a package! Djaparidze! From home... Khristina... come into my home. I have waited for you, dear sister, with great yearning. Come into my home and raise up your soul onto heaven. From your father? Thank you. Come in, sister, come in. Henceforth this is your home too. And our souls shall always be open to you. Sit down. In times of trial, when a friend is burdened in his soul, speak to them of God. In this house they shall always find consolation, peace and love. God is love. We unite with God through our spirit, not through the cross. God is love. Come in, dear sister! How the Steel was Tempered. Very well. The Gadfly, by Voinich. - My favorite. - Help yourself. Here you go. Here are some atheistic pamphlets. On the Jehovists sect. On the Orthodox clergy. These people are wilier than your Cardinal Montanelli. These people talk so much about god, but they forget about the human soul. The human soul is a delicate instrument. Do you have anything about the Pentecostals? Comrade Varchenko, just in time. Your Remarque has arrived. Here you go. Thank you. So what about it? Sorry, no such book. But I had looked it up in the Encyclopedia - v.38, p.399 - nothing about sectarianism there either. Sectarianism is common to Islam and Buddhism... That's history... I'm interested in today. Pentecostals! It's a tiny sect, almost invisible. No surprise it's not written about. Pavel Fedorovich, Comrade Zabrod sure knows his stuff! Maybe he can give us a lecture? Sure, try him. No, no. I'm no lecturer. I'll be embarrassed. Why not give it a try? I thank you, but this is not my line of work. Not so spacious here. We'll have to find you a new home. I don't mean you personally. I mean the Pente.. I mean the book depository. Hurry up there. - Your books. - Thank you. - Ever been to a mine? - No... Take me with you. Get in, Komsomol Organizer. Come see us. We'll get you a subscription! Here she is, Organizer, a real mine. - Actress? - Worse! Journalist! Wrong again! Pavel Fedorovich, can I go over there? Sure. Be careful! Beat it, pal! Organizer! Come to take a gander? Can I bring my boys here? Sure! A few at a time. What's the hold up there? Thank you, Pavel Fedorovich! Thank the boss. Impressive? A bit scary at first. Then I got used to it. Can I bring my boys over? Sure, a few at a time... - Well, I'll be going... - Have some tea with us? I've got work to do. I'm bringing everyone here tomorrow. Some will come, others will go to the sect. You know about that? - Yes... - You know names? - Yes. - What's your plan? I wrote to her father... Well, that's just dandy. He's one of them! Then... I'll give her hell at the assembly! Sheer hell! And they will promise her love and peace. And you've got hell. What century are you living in, Liuda? Bluest of eyes 'neath the blackest of brows beware my son, said the old man. Beg pardon. Please. We've ordered. Two homestyle spaghettis. Shakespeare... Sonnets... Tonia, two carafes and my usual. You have a usual? Like the merchant Stroganoff! Yes, my usual. The digger's usual. - Excuse me... - As you were! Be my guest. To your health and your stay at DonBass. I'm talking to you, Organizer. You dry? Come, Liuda. Where? Where you going? Here you go. Here we go - two homestyle spaghettis. Thank you kindly. You and I are going to have a separate talk. Lord, give the spirit. - Glory to Iesu. - Eternal glory! Lord, give the spirit. Lord, give the spirit. Come over here! Come on, nothing to be afraid of. ... the United States conducted a series of nuclear tests near Easter Island. This once again underscores... What's going on here! Give a honk. Arsen and Griva. Go on and fight - we'll see who the real man is. I lost two sons in the war - what for? So these two heroes can bash each other's brains in? Get in the car, Arsen! Griva, get out of here! What's the row all about? Pavel Fedorovich - What am I to do? She's a sectarian! Who's a sectarian? Khristina... Ravliuk. So you stay away from her. I love her. You understand? I love her. You should tell that to her. Love you more than anything in the world. Love you more than life itself, more than the sun! You must not love me. I beg you! - I love... - No! Khristina! Khristina, where are you going? No! No! O God... (I love you... I love you...) I attend the sect. I believe in God, and I love Him more than life. You must know everything about me. I know everything. - You know? - I know. - And you love me, the way I am? I love you. My love. My love... Come with me to the sect. I will be your wife, loyal and true. As in the eyes of the Lord God. I am waiting... You do not love me. Very well. We'll go. Let him come in. Hello. Brothers and sisters... Come in. Brothers and sisters, today when we offer our humble gifts to the Lord God, He has brought us a new brother. Approach me, brother. - What is your name? - Arsen Zagornyj. Brother Arsen, God has brought you here in a solemn hour. - It is a good omen. - Thank you. Now, brothers and sisters, let us pray that He accept our humble offerings of boundless love and infinite faith. - Our humble offerings! - Our humble offerings... The Apostle Paul tells us... [American Bible Society, New York] "Having food and raiment, let us be therewith content." "But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare." "For the love of money is the root of all evil." Brothers and sisters! The Lord has accepted our offerings! The truth has been revealed to me: our new brother must prove his faith to God. Will you give a drop of your blood to the Lord? Give... how? A finger of your left hand must come under the sacred axe. Think it over until morning. If you come here with a pure heart your faith will guide you back here tomorrow. And you will offer up your blood to the Lord. Lord! - Arsen, I am frightened! - Calm down, Khristina. Chmykh! Who is this Zagornyj? Member of the Komsomol Committee. An intellectual. You think faith brought him here? No. What does he want here? I don't know. I could show him a real drop of blood, but I think he won't come. I saw fear in his eyes. Lord, he is weak. I will pray that God may not ask you for this sacrifice. Khristina, don't think about it. Khristina! Take it! Don't think about it. - Griva, help me decide. - I can't help you there. A suit for me. That one in the window. Size 52. Khristina, I'll be right back. Sister, why has your faith wavered? I love him. God is love. And this is sin! I love him! Chase out the devil, sister! Return to your family or God shall judge you! Stand in a circle, children. No touching. No questions. We are in the history section. Peter I issued a decree 1723, to send Hypodeacon Kapustiev as surveyor of the Dniepr river in search of coal deposits. Now we pass on to the Revolution. Lenin said: Coal is the true bread of industry. A flower... Stepa get over here! A flower in the rock... Boy, get over here. We should be celebrating the victory... Good idea! Boys, get over here! - Listen, we need to procure... - No worries! Procured! Let's go. - Who got the boys drunk? - Just a nip... I did. An age-old custom of the miners. The boys worked like dogs, won the pennant, and nobody stands them a 100g. And today 32 men didn't show up for work! 32, eh? Weaklings. Well, we showed up, as you can see. Mademoiselle Organizer mourns her fallen troops. What did you come from? To the slag heap with you! To the slag heap! Grisha, c'mon, what's the use in getting mad? It's the komsomol press. Time to get used to criticism. Grisha, where are you going? To the slag heap! Where else? Grisha! Where are you going? Boys, get over here! What's up? It's Griva! Let's drag him to the dorms. Who is it? Sergei? What do you want? Pardon, but would you have a needle and some black thread? We have a tear in this jacket. Let's see. Come back in an hour. Or... I'll drop it off tomorrow, ok? Ok, thank you. Sergei - did someone get in a fight? No. Honest to komsomol. There it was under the glass - 300,000 years old. And there is an impression in it - a flower! I'll find another one like it and send it back to the village. Ah, alright. Lights out. Time to sleep. 1723. Kapustiev. Russian. First name Grisha. First to discover coal in the Donetsk steppes. He should be in the miners' hall of fame. But he was left out. Unfair. Mitka, you asleep? Listen, on the 26th of January, the day of repose of the Chairman of the People's Commissariat V.I. Lenin... the mines shall be kept closed. - Good morning, Miss Dasha. - Good morning, Liuda. Wipe your feet. - Good day, Pavel Fedorovitch. - Good day. - Watering flowers? - They like drinking too. - Don't be surprised... - I'm not. Everything's clear. Everything? You know why I'm here? No, you don't. Don't pretend to be so clear-sighted. I want to come work for you. See, and you thought you knew. This much I did not know. What for? Closer to your drinking buddies? I want to work with you. I'm not against it, in principle. But I'm only the director. There is also the Party Organizer... The Komsomol Organizer... It is a komsomol mine after all. - You'll need her permission. - Pavel Fedorovitch, don't. - And why's that? - Just don't. You see the system we have here? Three knocks for the Organizer. Four knocks for the accountant. - You called for me? - Sure did. Need your input. Grisha Griva here is asking to join the mine. - I'm not asking. - Quiet, you. He's looking for work. What does the KomsOrg think? Shall we take him on? I think we can take him. On one condition... I wonder what sort of condition this is. Two knocks - chief engineer calling. Talk amongst yourselves. - Pavel Fedorovitch... - Be right back. Beg pardon. This is for you. What is this? Why are you like this? Why are you all mixed up like this? Fine work - and drinking! And how am I to take this? I love you. Don't you dare talk about love! You hear me? How's it going? Are we taking him on? To work at the mine? You decide, Pavel Fedorovitch. Griva. Griva! What's this? - Said it's for me. - Let's see. Have a look here. A flower. 300,000 years old. Liuda, our Griva's a poet. And you didn't get it. Sleeping? Back from the night shift. Auntie, you know these boys? Sure, every one of them. This one is from Poltava - Sergei Marchenko. He's a writer. He writes poetry. That darkie with an accent - is an entertainer. He dances with his fingers. The fatty over there, Koval. Still a child. - Marchenko, Sergei. - Here. Darkie, dances with fingers... Who's that? - Djaparidze. - Djaparidze! - Baraniuk, Gennadij - Here! - Useenko! - Here! - Potapov! - Here! - Koval! - Here... Some crew! Real men! Some crew! No comment. Fine. Get out of here! This is your foreman. Digger, Grigorij Griva. - Pavel Fedorovitch... - How many of you per kilo, boys? Thanks, Pavel Fedorovitch. - Pavel Fedorovitch, you got a phonecall... - This is unfair! - What is unfair? The boys he's getting... Everyone's laughing. We'll see. Watch out! Dark in there! Know where the door is? Fine. Let them laugh. C'mon boys. Here's what I have to tell you. All beauty comes from man. Gagarin went up into space. And we are going into the earth. So you see, all that is beautiful comes from us. The main thing is to believe in yourself. Everything else will work out by itself. Now Griva will get what's coming to him. - Stop blabbering. Go help Arsen. - Why me? - That's Griva blasting! - They're just scaring rats. Enough talk. Get to work! Grisha, how did you outstrip us by a whole cycle? Can't hear! Speak up! How did you outstrip us by a whole cycle! Where did you hear that? We heard you blasting. Boys! You hear? They want to learn our secrets. Maybe we should also scrub your backs while we're at it? They won't be laughing again. No they won't! Grisha! Grisha! Where d'you disappear off to? What do you say, come along? For clarity's sake. Go on, some guardian angel you are. - Hey, what's with you? - Go on, I say! What's that? Grisha! Hold on there! What's all this about? I see, been hanging with the boys. Go on. We'll meet again! Come in. Come in! Griva? Come in, come in. - What have you got? - Nothing, saw your lights on. - Sorry if I'm interrupting. - No, no. Sit down. Stendahl. The Red and The Black. - Required reading. - I saw the movie. A good kid. But I never caught part 2. Listen, Griva... Why haven't you submitted a request for housing? What do I need it for? Mother's back on the farm. Father - dead. Write: I hereby request to be granted living quarters... in the vicinity of the village of Happy Trails. Family status. Mother - a dependant. What's her name? - Maria Nikolaevna.. - Maria Nikolaevna. Signature. I guess it's my turn to stroll around with a pink lampshade. - Why pink? - Haven't seen any others. You get an F in spelling. Here, copy this over. "You" is written with a capital Y. Oh, come on... What's this about? You got guests! Here, switch on the lights. Congratulations! Daddy! Dear lord, this is my daughter? Don't worry, it comes off. Calm down, foreman. It's her father! I'm perfectly calm. Nothing to worry about. Let's get some dinner, then we'll see a concert tonight. Listen, I'm here for a very short time. I'll be going back tonight, and we need to talk. - Liuda... Good day... - Good day... - We need a car, to go see the boss. - The dispatcher will take care of you. Daddy, go over there, I'll be over in a minute. When are you coming home? Daddy, do you think it's possible? Kiss mamma, I'll come soon. - Alone? - Don't worry, alone. Don't be long! - Hold the milk, please... - Sure thing. Good-bye. Come soon. We're waiting. Now we'll show you a program called Sacred Gifts. Oh Lord, where are you taking me! Where are you taking me! Lord, accept our offerings! Donate! Donate! Why did you do this? It's all a lie! Stop this! It is a lie! - What's going on there? - Satire. They got you good. It's all Arsen's doing. How's Khristina? Reports vary... - I'm counting on you! - Yessir! Just be careful. Khristina! Khristina, where are you going? Don't follow me. You don't know what you're up against. Brother, save me. I trusted them, but they're laughing at us. My sister, I haven't seen you in so long. - Forgive me, forgive me. - God will forgive you. If only you have truly come back to us and to the Lord. I've come back. For the rest of my life. Thank you, thank you, sister. - You shall be my wife. - Your wife? - Yes, indeed! - Give us your blessings, father! - Daddy? - I give my blessings. - Daddy, you're here? - I give my eternal blessings. - His wife? - His wife. You are already my wife. A father's blessing is sacred. - How can it be? - Sacred and inviolable. Daddy, what sort of happiness are you talking about? What sort of happiness? Come along. O God, how can you look down on all of this? Khristina! Control yourself. Silence! Ah, Arsen Zagornyj? - Come along. - Where to? - We need to talk. - Fine, let's go. Stop! Stop! Grisha, they're beating Arsen! [weather report on the radio] Grisha! Good day, Comrade Varchenko. They're tearing it down, just like you said. Pavel Fedorovitch. Did you hear anything about an incident? There was some kind of misunderstanding... - Enough of this charade! - What do you mean? Your beliefs are your business. But when you start ruining lives it becomes our business. What are you talking about? What have you got there, eh? Bumped into something. Mister Pasha, I can't seem to get this note right. Why don't you show me. Eh, you boys ain't so hot. Old Pasha here is a pro. Just keep playing like that, and follow us to the precinct. What? - What's with you, boys? - Go on playing. Play it up! Seems like it was all yesterday. - What were you scared of? - The Preacher. - We are stronger than him. - How can you say that! We are stronger. And there is no god in heaven! What are you doing here? - Going to see him? - Sure enough. Can you give him this bottle of milk? Milk... Where are you going? - Doctor, come to my housewarming. - Sure. Thanks. I have a bottle of milk for you. Fresh from the cow. Drink it while it's warm. I thought you were inviting the doctor to the wedding. Drink it slowly. No need to rush. Nurse, we'll be just a minute. Please. - Hello there! - Hello! Look here, MILK. 827913 people in this town Perhaps I should say 827914... but no one cares about me I'm lonely They all have someone waiting for them They all paw each other, it's bloody disgusting Oh well, maybe I shouldn't say disgusting, I guess I have no right to say such a thing I'm jealous I know I'm not the only one who's lonely in this town, I know there are many lonely souls But I don't know them Nobody wants me Nobody cares about me It's a bit cold, being this lonely I guess we'll go home to our place Well, this ramshackle house is my home, far from the city centre But it doesn't matter to me, I don't have to see it, I sleep in the daytime I'm a night watchman There was a man, he never grew up Even though his shoesize got bigger All his life, he cried for mother And played with dolls, with dolls There was a man, he never became sane Even though he could write and read in a book Because something has to be really, really wrong when a grown man plays with dolls There was a man, he never was happy Even though he was born in the happiest of towns He became bitter, like bitter chocolate If he couldn't play with dolls There was a man, who acted like a seven-year old If the doll fell apart, he would too He would cry and weep "What should I do now?" "I am not myself without dolls" Come along mrs and I'll get you some apples Mr Fredriksson has just been out in the yard There are so many of them so I don't know how to get rid of them Feel free to take apples down there, there are lots of them It was just empty, empty, empty No one to talk to, no one to smile at, not a single person No one And so I dreamed instead About a woman, of course I had thought of her for so long, I had dreamt of her so much So I thought I knew how she looked Hello, my love What are you staring at, punk? What do you want? Why don't you scram! Did you hurt yourself? Police radio? This is night watchman 137 Lundgren I'm on Hamngatan 22, there's been a burglary Yes... Yes, I'll stay. Thanks - Have they stolen anything? - I don't think so I arrived while they were still here, so I don't think they got anything - I mean, eh, I think they might have taken a doll - How do you know that? I saw it, I saw how he carried it in his arms and ran away with it Can you give any description? - Oh, she was beautiful - Beautiful? - Sorry? - You just said "beautiful" Oh, I didn't see him, I only saw his back, he ran out into the yard and disappeared He disappeared that way, I saw him over there. There's nobody left here. Robert! What are you doing? I think my china pigs are thirsty, and they are bored down in the basement, and they can't sleep I'm sure they are asleep, and you should be too. It isn't morning yet. He stopped working more than ten years ago Did you hear about the accident? No Yes My brother told me There was a workshop explosion in the final year No one died so it wasn't a big deal But an accident is an accident He caused it He was a talented man A real shame Um, is there any way we can get in touch? He just got up and left. And that was it No use asking He's no longera craftsman Wait You can find him here I'd like to see his fireworks, too Mr. Takimoto Must be a story behind this What do we do? Let's go Here? Really? This is it Are you sure? Ueah, maybe Here's the entrance Anybody home? Excuse us Over there Hello Anybody home? Somebody there A guy Look You're right He the one? Should be Strange Mysterious Loud Take off? Stupid, I'm going Too dangerous for a girl Excuse me Are you Mr. Takimoto? Yes We'd like to ask something of you Get to the point We'd like some fireworks Excuse me I'm planning a show for the Mihama Shop District My name's Kanako Nagase There anything... Loving fireworks are very popular in our shopping district So could you make some? L"m sorry Go home I don't do fireworks Yes Stranger than we thought What's that? Come here Frogs Let's go How was it? Interesting But not like my composition Really First time someone's played my music Play it once more OK Stop Are you OK? What's wrong? What should I...? Lay down It happens sometimes. I'll be fine, don't worry Wait a sec You OK? Thanks Why does this happen? The accident Explosion at the fireworks workshop Explosion? I'm not here because of it I didn't have any injuries except for my ear at the time You OK? After the accident I entered the hospital And came here, unable to play Sorry, it's a sad story Not at all Shoko-san, what will it take for you to play again? Heaven does not create people superior or inferior Heaven creates thousands of people without any class distinctions Could you read this? He'll read your book next Um, I'd like you to read it for me I don't do readings But you work here I can't read You're kidding me again What's the matter? I'd like her to read this for me I can read it if it's OK Well, no thanks It was written by a woman so I wanted a woman to read it I hate them Hate what? Books So full of love and hope Can't read them Not a good reader myself I killed my br other Wait, what do you mean? Tell me We didn't have a father at home I had a much younger br other who really liked books I read for him at bedtime Later, I fell in love with a man I really liked him but he was busy with work He was only free during my brother's bedtime There was little time even when my brother slept early It made him very upset I felt my brother was a burden That's when it happened I put my brother to sleep and hurried to meet my boyfriend When I ran across the crosswalk, from behind I heard a voice call, 'Sister! ' He rushed after me in his pajamas And then a truck hit him I wanted to apologize to my brother, so I tried to jump from a building But before I could do that, Uamaki brought me here You're not dead? I see You can go back I see When you go back, you'll find a reason to live again! But please, don't go back! Don't worry about the budget Thank you. You're a big help A lot of merchants will help out It's been 12 years Want to put on a good show Boss! An or der for a fall show Excuse me Have time tonight? I know a good place Glad you could meet him Is he doing OK? Well, um... Were you close to Takimoto? He came to our shop when he was only 18 I car ed for him like a little brother He was talented Made his own original fireworks at 20 If it weren't for the accident... You know, he would inspect fireworks without sleeping What kind of accident? Takimoto brought his girlfriend into the shop one night He showed her some powders and they caught fire There were no major injuries but the girl hurt her ear Will we see his work? Um, that's not quite decided yet Oh, but I really want to see his fireworks Such a waste of talent Hi there What's wrong? Mom, did Shoko go out with Takimoto, the fireworks craftsman? You're not thinking of using his fireworks, are you? If you are, I'm against it Grandma will be too Hur ting her ear like that... You know how much Shoko suffered It's his fault I don't care what he does with fireworks Stay away from him Excuse me Watch out Don't come too close Um, I came again to talk about the Wabi fireworks I'm Shoko's niece She was my mother's sister People say I look like her And, um, i heard that you went out with her and about ...the accident I watched the fireworks with my aunt many times She always looked forward to your fireworks Even in the hospital, before she died she waited for your Wabi She stared out the window I; ll never forget how she looked, as if she was praying while she waited Takimoto! Takimoto! You gave up fireworks but my aunt wrote music for you until the end! Don't you know how he felt while she was waiting for your fireworks This is the plan for the show Wait, what are you doing I told you already I quit fireworks I'm finished with fireworks Finished What a loser Wow, so beautiful! So pretty Wow, amazing Incredible Aren 't they,hoko? The show's over Can you go hme, Kana? I'll be ok ok, goodnight Bye Why didn't you launch them£¿ Hello Came to deliver your order Thanks You haven't been back since then You having a picnic? Fun, isn't it Yeah Have a seat Here you go Wow Shall we? Bon appetit Delicious Celery with miso Not so common Really good My boyfriend always ate like this What did he do Made fireworks So the shop accient... He, um... quit, taking responsibility for my ear injury I told him it was his fault I couldn't play the piano But, I never did want him to quit fireworks I honestly wanted him to keep creating fireworks But that didn't reach him Once a year I watched his fireworks and wrote a song I wanted to compose 10 parts but there was no 10th show This... Oh, that... The 10th part That's the only phrase that came to mind A song called 'Eternity' Shoko, would it be OK for me to play it He made Wabi, Japanese-style fireworks Wabi? Yes They seemed to bloom forever in the sky So beautifully Wabi Play a bit more brightly And make the third chord match the melody a bit more The third... Yes That's it. That's it Sounds good Keep going 'Eternity" Should have let Shoko and Takimotoget married They were going to? They promised each ather But as a parent... I couldn't forgive the man who took her talent I wonder, he must've realized our feelings He stopped coming after she entered the hospital It's not your fault But... If they had been together, Shoko would've been happier when she died Anybody home? Takimoto Takimoto Takimoto Sorry to barge in It's me,Shoko What the hell are you saying I want to see you launching fireworks I've had enough of you£¡ You should know better! Running again? Like you did from Shoko? Running? I know about the accident and my aunt's hearing loss But running don't help, you know Shouldn't have quit if you felt responsible What do you know? Shoko... Shoko's dead That's why I'm - Fireworks won't help! You can't pay her back? All you can do is live like this for 12 years after quitting? Who are you to say this? Don't be so miserable! If my aunt were still alive, she'd be sad to see you like this! Shoko would be crushed! Listen to me very carefully She;s the one who told me to quit to take reponsibility She's the one who said no to marriage If I could only meet Shoko one more time I'm sorry This... is something my aunt wrote before she died She was always inspired to write music during the show She was holding this in the hospital at the time I think my aunt is still waiting for your fireworks I;m leaving I'm waiting for your fireworks Can I help you? A reading? "The Crying Red Ogre " Let's go over there Have a eat There was a house somewhere hidden, on the cliff of a mountain. Who lived there? A red ogre lived A young and lively ogre lived there, alone He was a lively ogre, but bot a violent one Rather, he was a kind and considerate ogre The red ogre thought every day, 'I was born as an ogre, but I want to get along with humans ' 'I want to be friends with the villagers ' One day he could no longer stop himself And he hurried and took a wooden plank to write on It's ok 'I'm a kind ogre. Anybody is welcome ' 'I have good snacks and can make tea, too ' The red ogre put up the sign by his house Sis! Kaoru! Red ogre, please always be kind and sincere to humans and show them good times I have to leave you for a while and will leave this mountain Our coming and going to meet might have caught the attention of humans That's why I decided to depart on a journey A long journey, a far journey But wherever I go, I'll always think of you I'm sorry, Kaoru I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm going Take care Here, take the one you like This one Thank you I'll take care of Kaoru So don't worry Thank you Come back safely, then you're a pro Yes Thank you for everything, boss Hey Take care Time to go Big sister! Goodbye! Sis! Goodbye! Goodbye! What'll happen to her? She'll live out the rest of her life Wouldn't she be happier here? But she still has to live Your job'll be done soon Leave no regrets It's not easy to come back 14 days left How many special seats? 18 now Oh, 18. Is that enough? Ms. Kato said she 'd bring money and 4 or 5 people Oh, she 's coming So we should get more tables? Yes Excuse me Could we have 30 special seats in total? 30 seats Shouldn't we have more food? We should add drinks, too Ok, more food and drinks I'm back Hi, Maru I got sponsorship money from Fujimura Engineering! You're amazing, Maru I got down on my hands and knees That's too much Sentaro, you already got 8 sponsors I have to try, too Leave it to me I; ll sell my car if I have to and take out a loan A fireworks loan? Kanako! It's Mr. Nishiyama What is it? Maybe he'll do it for free? Hey! Put him on hold first! Could he hear? Hey, Maru! Hello, Nagase speaking Yes, thank you for calling Really? Thank you very much Ye, as soon as possible Yes, I understand Yone, what happened? Take this Oh, thank you Come in It's ok Come now Sentaro doesn't like it when I'm around People will think I'm spoiling him No one thinks that Having a hard time with the loving fireworks? We all know you're doing your best Have a bit of fun, too Thank you Hope it clears up in time for the show Me too My back hurts when it rains Don't be an old lady I am! It's stopped raining a bit Gotta go now Really? Take care Goof luck Thanks See you Bye now That's it. That's it Not bad at all Thanks Can you add a bass line? Good. Keep going Wait, wait. That sounds too common Oh, that's it Right Thanks Shoko, I've finally realized why I'm here in heaven It was my dream to compose and play my own music But when I was brought here, I couldn't I'm not dead yet My job'll be done soon So... So while I'm here Let's finish the song Right... Shall we continue then? Yes No, no, no! More forcefully Yes That's it! That was great 'A Bright Place' 'A Fragment of August' 'The Celery Flower' 'To a New World' 'Crimson' 'Heaven adn the Sea' 'Buried Sand' 'Eternity' 'Eternity ' Everyday all you talk about is Yui Yui's story is finished. No second act There is Really? How? When I take over your job, I can go to earth to meet her Heaven and earth will - Enough! Cool your head off a bit You work in the store from now Hey there! Check this out Is it for me? It's mine. Can't play it, though Kenta Today's your last day Thank you Not at all I'll be on my own if you leave Come back Hey, when he comes back he; ll be dead for real That piano... Play it well Yes Thank you so much Ouch! Can;t open it Can't open it Why's that? You can't open it I can't? C'mon, open it Hi there How's it going? Need someone to hold it Somebody help! Ms. Nagase How are you doing? For everyone Thank you Great weather Preparations are going well Should be OK with this wind I honestly wasn;t sure in the beginning But I;m glad I came Couldn't hear you play, but I'll never forget your music Don't come back soon I won't I'm glad I met you Take care You too We;re off Thank you! Thank you! Wow, look at that Beautiful! The next part is sponsored by Fujimura Engineering 'The Starmines' These are my fireworks No, they're not yours Your sponsor;s fireworks They're mine Wonder if Takimoto will show Not giving up yet Roger that Starmines from 2.5, start. Still more to come Two more to go Five, please 500 yen each Got five here I'll take change for 3000 OK, thank you Thanks Look out Oh, excuse me This? Thanks Boss! Kenta's ready. All's ready Two of 'em! Yes, thanks Oh, here they come Takimoto isn't coming Should we announce that it's over? It's over It's over Thank you The Mihama Shop District Fireworks Show is now finished What a show Thank you so much. Thank you Thank you Thank you They were great Can't be helped if that was Takimoto's answer It was a big success People will be even more excited next year You were the most excited They were great, Kana Well done No loving fireworks, but I almost fell in love with Kana How about marrying my unworthy son? Sentaro's not unworthy And, don't forget we're not married Yone What? They were great They were beautiful Kanako! Help! On my way Hurry! Thank you so much. Take care Thank you They're loving fireworks They're beautiful Is this.. 'Eternity'? Excuse me That song... 'Eternity' Why... Why do you know it? I was with her Believe me? Wabi fireworks Previously on "Felicity", Previously on "Felicity", - I had a good time with Ben. - If you want to date Ben, then... - I had a good time with Ben. - If you want to date Ben, then... - Then I should. - Damn it. - Then I should. - Damn it. Some jerk put, like, food colouring in the washing machine. Some jerk put, like, food colouring in the washing machine. People refer to me as the Pink Guy. People refer to me as the Pink Guy. No. No. Let's just feel awkward Let's just feel awkward with the other people we're gonna date and break up with. with the other people we're gonna date and break up with. Are you at all doing this because of Felicity? . Are you at all doing this because of Felicity? . Do you have a thing for the Pink Guy? . Do you have a thing for the Pink Guy? . Dear Sally, I don't blame New York, I love New York, Dear Sally, I don't blame New York, I love New York, But something happened the other day that was very New York, But something happened the other day that was very New York, - You haven't taken the two or three? . - No. - You haven't taken the two or three? . - No. It's great. You can go from Battery Park to 72nd in five minutes. It's great. You can go from Battery Park to 72nd in five minutes. - Really? . - Yeah. It takes you up way west. - Really? . - Yeah. It takes you up way west. First of all, the only times Ben and I hung out First of all, the only times Ben and I hung out was when I was helping him with assignments, was when I was helping him with assignments, And even then, we never really had, you know, conversations, And even then, we never really had, you know, conversations, Will you keep your job in Admissions? . Will you keep your job in Admissions? . Yeah. I'll have to get another one, actually, to help pay for everything. Yeah. I'll have to get another one, actually, to help pay for everything. I have an interview tomorrow at Dean DeLuca. I have an interview tomorrow at Dean DeLuca. - That's good. - Have you been? . - That's good. - Have you been? . No. No. It wasn't like I didn't want to help Ben, It wasn't like I didn't want to help Ben, but things weren't getting to the next level, You know, deepening, but things weren't getting to the next level, You know, deepening, - It's amazing. - Don't turn around. - It's amazing. - Don't turn around. Get down. Get down. Don't look at me. Look straight ahead. Don't look at me. Look straight ahead. Get the stuff. Get the stuff. - No. - Don't. - No. - Don't. Ben. Ben. I need you to come to the precinct. It's not far. I need you to come to the precinct. It's not far. Look through some pictures, see if you recognise anyone. Look through some pictures, see if you recognise anyone. Tomorrow morning be alright for you? . Tomorrow morning be alright for you? . Sure. Sure. How about you? . Can you make it? . How about you? . Can you make it? . - Yeah. - You want your stomach checked? . - Yeah. - You want your stomach checked? . - No, it's fine. It's just a bruise. - Alright. - No, it's fine. It's just a bruise. - Alright. Can I give you a ride back to the dorm? . Can I give you a ride back to the dorm? . That's a good idea. You should go ahead. That's a good idea. You should go ahead. - Are you sure? . - Yeah. You should go. - Are you sure? . - Yeah. You should go. I'll call later and we can go over that assignment. I'll call later and we can go over that assignment. OK. OK. Shots were fired, Shots were fired, Are you serious? . Do you know this for a fact? . Are you serious? . Do you know this for a fact? . Some guy in the mailroom Some guy in the mailroom said, "Congratulations, you now have the largest single on campus"' said, "Congratulations, you now have the largest single on campus"' - Some people are so damn sick. - I'll go over there. - Some people are so damn sick. - I'll go over there. Someone should stay here in case she comes back. Someone should stay here in case she comes back. Hello. Hello. Hi, Mr Porter. No, it's Julie. Hi, Mr Porter. No, it's Julie. Is Felicity here? . Is Felicity here? . No. No. But... Look here's Noel. But... Look here's Noel. Mr Porter. Hi, this is Noel. That's right. Mr Porter. Hi, this is Noel. That's right. Thank you. No, things are fine. Thank you. No, things are fine. They'd be better if I didn't have to read Ulysses, They'd be better if I didn't have to read Ulysses, - What are you doing? . - What? . - What are you doing? . - What? . - You're checking out our side. - I am not. - You're checking out our side. - I am not. No, Felicity isn't here right now. No, Felicity isn't here right now. We're just hanging out waiting for your daughter. We're just hanging out waiting for your daughter. - Are you OK? . - You heard already? . - Are you OK? . - You heard already? . - Was someone shot? . - No one was shot. - Was someone shot? . - No one was shot. - We're OK. We were lucky. - Don't look disappointed. - We're OK. We were lucky. - Don't look disappointed. Shut up. Shut up. That's gonna be your dad. That's gonna be your dad. Stay off my side. Stay off my side. Hello. Hi, Dad. Hello. Hi, Dad. I'm fine. There's just a lot of people in my room. I'm fine. There's just a lot of people in my room. Can you hang on just for a minute? . Can you hang on just for a minute? . I'm fine. I swear. I'm fine. I swear. Hi. Hi. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't... You know what they took? . My idea book. I don't... You know what they took? . My idea book. Your what? . Your what? . I'm always writing in that black notebook. I'm always writing in that black notebook. - I haven't noticed. Is this yours? . - Yeah. Leave it, I'll get it later. - I haven't noticed. Is this yours? . - Yeah. Leave it, I'll get it later. Every great business idea I've had over the last four years... Every great business idea I've had over the last four years... ..went into that book. ..went into that book. Proposals and logos and sketches. Proposals and logos and sketches. It was like my safety-deposit box. It was my future. It was like my safety-deposit box. It was my future. You can still write them down. You can still write them down. I can't remember every genius idea I've ever had. I can't remember every genius idea I've ever had. The UFO story 900 number. The mini-quick car wash. The UFO story 900 number. The mini-quick car wash. There were hundreds. There was no way of stopping these guys? . There were hundreds. There was no way of stopping these guys? . I mean, did you even think about... trying? . I mean, did you even think about... trying? . Damn it. I'm sorry. Damn it. I'm sorry. It was surreal, you know. And then I looked up and I saw his face. It was surreal, you know. And then I looked up and I saw his face. It was, like, "There is a real person pointing a real gun at me"' It was, like, "There is a real person pointing a real gun at me"' Yeah. I would have lost it. I would have started screaming. Yeah. I would have lost it. I would have started screaming. I'd have wet my pants and started screaming. I'd have wet my pants and started screaming. A homeless guy pushed me over. Ruined my birthday cake. A homeless guy pushed me over. Ruined my birthday cake. - What? . - What? . - What? . - What? . Closest I've come to getting robbed. I was 1 2. It was weird. Closest I've come to getting robbed. I was 1 2. It was weird. For a woman, having a gun pointed at you is a whole different thing. For a woman, having a gun pointed at you is a whole different thing. - Has that happened to you? . - Yeah. A couple of years ago. - Has that happened to you? . - Yeah. A couple of years ago. I was mugged, which really pissed me off. I was mugged, which really pissed me off. Pink Guy, 1 2 o'clock. Pink Guy, 1 2 o'clock. I heard about what happened. You OK? . I heard about what happened. You OK? . Yeah. It was just a little scary. Yeah. It was just a little scary. Yeah. I got held up at knifepoint once, so... Yeah. I got held up at knifepoint once, so... Could I talk to you? . Could I talk to you? . Sure. Sure. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. What did the cops say? . What did the cops say? . Ben and I have to go down to the police station, Ben and I have to go down to the police station, go through some mug shots. go through some mug shots. Oh, really? . That's good. Yeah. Oh, really? . That's good. Yeah. - Have you ever seen The Exorcist? - No. - Have you ever seen The Exorcist? - No. How come? . How come? . They're showing it at The Film Society as a Halloween special. They're showing it at The Film Society as a Halloween special. - I haven't seen it in a long time. - No,... me neither. - I haven't seen it in a long time. - No,... me neither. So you don't want to? . So you don't want to? . - What? . - Go? . - What? . - Go? . - Are you inviting me? . - Didn't I? . - Are you inviting me? . - Didn't I? . - Not yet. - I'm sorry. - Not yet. - I'm sorry. It's tomorrow night. It's tomorrow night. I think we should... Do you want to go? . I think we should... Do you want to go? . - Sure. - Really? . - Sure. - Really? . Hello? . Hello? . It's Ben, What are you doing? It's Ben, What are you doing? - What? . - Are you asleep? - What? . - Are you asleep? - No. - OK, Because I'm downstairs, - No. - OK, Because I'm downstairs, - So it's after two. - Yeah, I know. - So it's after two. - Yeah, I know. I just thought you might be a little bit shaken up. I just... I just thought you might be a little bit shaken up. I just... I wanted to come by and see that you were OK. I wanted to come by and see that you were OK. Make sure you were OK. Make sure you were OK. I remember reading somewhere I remember reading somewhere that soldiers who had been through battle, that soldiers who had been through battle, that they have some kind of special bond that they have some kind of special bond because, you know, they survived it, because, you know, they survived it, I never really knew what that meant before last night, I never really knew what that meant before last night, Sorry. Sorry. - You drink a lot of coffee? . - No. I just had an amazing night. - You drink a lot of coffee? . - No. I just had an amazing night. Really? . Really? . What happened? . What happened? . - I was almost killed. - No. - I was almost killed. - No. Yeah. In a robbery. Yeah. In a robbery. Then I stayed up all night with a guy who I've liked for a long time, so... Then I stayed up all night with a guy who I've liked for a long time, so... That's an amazing feeling, isn't it? . That's an amazing feeling, isn't it? . - Oh, my God. - I know. - Oh, my God. - I know. What is... Perfectly Me? . What is... Perfectly Me? . In my junior year, I worked there. In my junior year, I worked there. It sells clothes for women, sizes 1 6 and up. It sells clothes for women, sizes 1 6 and up. It was really nice. They had some great stuff. It was really nice. They had some great stuff. - They didn't hate you? . - Who? . - They didn't hate you? . - Who? . - The fat women? . - They weren't fat. - The fat women? . - They weren't fat. Size 1 6 and up, I... Size 1 6 and up, I... I really liked working there. I really liked working there. Can you be here tomorrow at noon? . Can you be here tomorrow at noon? . - Does that mean I got the job? . - If you want it. - Does that mean I got the job? . - If you want it. Cool. Cool. What's this? . What's this? . It was on my door. It was on my door. Yeah, that I... Yeah, that I... This is the men's room. This is the men's room. Alice says you put it there. Alice says you put it there. The university asked all the RA's to decorate for Halloween. The university asked all the RA's to decorate for Halloween. - So I get a witch? . - Is that a problem? . - So I get a witch? . - Is that a problem? . I could get a skeleton, a pumpkin, a ghost, but I get a witch. I could get a skeleton, a pumpkin, a ghost, but I get a witch. It's cool, I'm with him. It's cool, I'm with him. Would you be more comfortable with a pumpkin? . Would you be more comfortable with a pumpkin? . I hate Halloween. I hate Halloween. I don't think anyone really likes Halloween. I don't think anyone really likes Halloween. - I like Halloween. - I don't believe you. - I like Halloween. - I don't believe you. What motive do I have to lie about that? . What motive do I have to lie about that? . What are you doing for Halloween? . What are you doing for Halloween? . - I have work to do. - We all have work to do. - I have work to do. - We all have work to do. Yeah, but I actually do mine. Yeah, but I actually do mine. Well, I'm going to that party. Do you wanna go? . Well, I'm going to that party. Do you wanna go? . Yeah. Yeah. The detective said we should take our time. The detective said we should take our time. Yeah. None of these guys look familiar to me. Yeah. None of these guys look familiar to me. You can't tell that if you're not really looking. You can't tell that if you're not really looking. - You got anything so far? . - No. - You got anything so far? . - No. I found one. I found one. He looks like this guy, sort of, He looks like this guy, sort of, except maybe ten years younger and maybe 20 pounds thinner. except maybe ten years younger and maybe 20 pounds thinner. - No, but besides that? . - It gives him an idea. - No, but besides that? . - It gives him an idea. How about you? . You find anything? . How about you? . You find anything? . No, I got nothing. Actually, I gotta get going. No, I got nothing. Actually, I gotta get going. - Are you serious? . - Yeah. I'm supposed to meet Paul. - Are you serious? . - Yeah. I'm supposed to meet Paul. - You can come back tomorrow. - Tomorrow's much better for me. - You can come back tomorrow. - Tomorrow's much better for me. - I'm gonna see you later, alright? . - Sure. - I'm gonna see you later, alright? . - Sure. You know, this process is difficult for some people. You know, this process is difficult for some people. Apparently. Apparently. - Thank you so much. - For what? . - Thank you so much. - For what? . For not getting mad at me when I spilled Coke all over you. For not getting mad at me when I spilled Coke all over you. - That stuff's scary. - And for letting me hold your hand. - That stuff's scary. - And for letting me hold your hand. Yeah, that was fine. Yeah, that was fine. When she started talking like the priest's mother, it was like, When she started talking like the priest's mother, it was like, oh, my God, forget it. oh, my God, forget it. The make-up guy, Dick Smith, he's a mentor to the famous make-up guys. The make-up guy, Dick Smith, he's a mentor to the famous make-up guys. - Have you ever heard of Rick Baker? . - No. - Have you ever heard of Rick Baker? . - No. Here. Here. - Thanks. - No problem. It got cold. - Thanks. - No problem. It got cold. It really did. Sorry. It really did. Sorry. - Are you hungry? . - I'm starved. - Are you hungry? . - I'm starved. - Good. Let's find a place. - OK. - Good. Let's find a place. - OK. "l was a child and she was a child in this kingdom by the sea"' "l was a child and she was a child in this kingdom by the sea"' "But we loved with a love that was more than a love"' "But we loved with a love that was more than a love"' "We loved with a love that was more than a love"' "We loved with a love that was more than a love"' Hello? . Hello? . - What's going on? . - I'm downstairs again, - What's going on? . - I'm downstairs again, - Hey. - Hey. - Hey. - Hey. - Are you going out? . - Yeah. - Are you going out? . - Yeah. - It's kinda late. - I can't sleep, so... - It's kinda late. - I can't sleep, so... - Are you going alone? . - Noel. - Are you going alone? . - Noel. OK. Just be careful. OK. Just be careful. I will. I will. The last time I did this, The last time I did this, I went trick-or-treating as Yertle the Turtle. I went trick-or-treating as Yertle the Turtle. - Was that a couple of years ago? . - I was ten. - Was that a couple of years ago? . - I was ten. My mom made the shell out of cardboard and green felt. My mom made the shell out of cardboard and green felt. - It was a pretty cool costume. - Yeah, it sounds nice. - It was a pretty cool costume. - Yeah, it sounds nice. These should be good for the party. These should be good for the party. - Sean throws this every Halloween? . - I guess so. Yeah. - Sean throws this every Halloween? . - I guess so. Yeah. He had to go buy a new stereo, though, cos they took the old one. He had to go buy a new stereo, though, cos they took the old one. - Yeah? . - Yeah. - Yeah? . - Yeah. - You've gotta come. - Are you dressing up? . - You've gotta come. - Are you dressing up? . Yeah. Frankenstein, I'm thinking about. Yeah. Frankenstein, I'm thinking about. Or is that too stupid? . Or is that too stupid? . No, I think that's good. No, I think that's good. - I could, you know... - What? . - I could, you know... - What? . - You know the Bride of Frankenstein? . - With that streak-in-the-hair thing? . - You know the Bride of Frankenstein? . - With that streak-in-the-hair thing? . Yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's good. We'll hang out. It'll be fun. We'll hang out. It'll be fun. Why did you leave the police station? . Why did you leave the police station? . What do you mean? . What do you mean? . - Were you upset or anything? . - No. - Were you upset or anything? . - No. No, I was fine. No, I was fine. I don't know how I'm gonna tell my mom about that necklace. I don't know how I'm gonna tell my mom about that necklace. My grandmother gave it to her when she was 1 3. My grandmother gave it to her when she was 1 3. When I turned 1 3, my mom gave it to me. When I turned 1 3, my mom gave it to me. She said it was good luck. Which is kinda ironic? . She said it was good luck. Which is kinda ironic? . Yeah. I haven't felt that way in a long time. Yeah. I haven't felt that way in a long time. - Which way? . - Just when it was happening... - Which way? . - Just when it was happening... You felt that way before? . You felt that way before? . Not exactly like that, no. Not exactly like that, no. Let's try these out. Let's try these out. What do you mean you haven't for a long time? . What do you mean you haven't for a long time? . Nothing. I dunno. I was just talking. Nothing. I dunno. I was just talking. Yes. Yes. - Yours is amazing. Look at mine. - I love yours. - Yours is amazing. Look at mine. - I love yours. Well... Well... Yeah. Yeah. You know how they talk about when you die, You know how they talk about when you die, how you're supposed to see your life flash before your eyes? . how you're supposed to see your life flash before your eyes? . When we were lying there on the floor, I didn't see my whole life, When we were lying there on the floor, I didn't see my whole life, but I had these stupid concerns, but I had these stupid concerns, like if we died, we wouldn't finish our assignment. like if we died, we wouldn't finish our assignment. Like that matters. Like that matters. Or if I died, I definitely wouldn't get that job at Dean DeLuca. Or if I died, I definitely wouldn't get that job at Dean DeLuca. Or how I'd never know what I got on my chem lab. Or how I'd never know what I got on my chem lab. - Well, that's what I was thinking. - Yeah. - Well, that's what I was thinking. - Yeah. Growing up was always really weird with my dad. Growing up was always really weird with my dad. You never knew what was gonna set him off. You never knew what was gonna set him off. I mean, alcohol was obviously the problem, I mean, alcohol was obviously the problem, but besides that, I could never tell. but besides that, I could never tell. It was like living with a ticking time bomb. It was like living with a ticking time bomb. I came here to not feel like that again, I came here to not feel like that again, cos I was so sick of feeling unsafe. cos I was so sick of feeling unsafe. Imagine... Imagine moving to New York to feel safe. Imagine... Imagine moving to New York to feel safe. Those are great. Man. Those are great. Man. You're a genius. Is this Taste of Tokyo? . You're a genius. Is this Taste of Tokyo? . - Yeah, take it. - Oh, yes. - Yeah, take it. - Oh, yes. - What's going on? . - Nothing. We're just finishing up. - What's going on? . - Nothing. We're just finishing up. Can you call Felicity a cab? . I'll walk you down. Can you call Felicity a cab? . I'll walk you down. - Are you OK? . - Yeah, I'm just tired. - Are you OK? . - Yeah, I'm just tired. Sure? . We can talk some more. I'll be exhausted tomorrow anyway. Sure? . We can talk some more. I'll be exhausted tomorrow anyway. No, I'm fine. I just need to get some sleep. No, I'm fine. I just need to get some sleep. OK. OK. - I'm looking forward to the party. - It's gonna be fun. It'll be good. - I'm looking forward to the party. - It's gonna be fun. It'll be good. Ben was supposed to meet me at the police station, Ben was supposed to meet me at the police station, We were going to go through mug shots and get something to eat, We were going to go through mug shots and get something to eat, We even talked about going to Central Park, but he didn't show, We even talked about going to Central Park, but he didn't show, - Has he shown up yet? . - He knew ten o'clock. - Has he shown up yet? . - He knew ten o'clock. Maybe I should look at the files myself. Maybe I should look at the files myself. Yeah, come on in. Right in here. Yeah, come on in. Right in here. Sit over there. Sit over there. So, about yesterday. I didn't mean to freak out about the cardboard witch. So, about yesterday. I didn't mean to freak out about the cardboard witch. - OK? . - No, it's fine. - OK? . - No, it's fine. My father never let us go out for Halloween. My father never let us go out for Halloween. He thought it was dangerous. He thought it was dangerous. So I never really got this stupid holiday, you know? . So I never really got this stupid holiday, you know? . - What are those? . - Our costumes? . - What are those? . - Our costumes? . - We're going as Subway employees? . - I think it's funny. - We're going as Subway employees? . - I think it's funny. You do? . You do? . My buddy, Ed, manages the one on 7th Avenue. My buddy, Ed, manages the one on 7th Avenue. - Why do you look so disappointed? . - Because I hate Halloween. - Why do you look so disappointed? . - Because I hate Halloween. I gotta go to the third floor. I gotta go to the third floor. There's an emergency RA meeting about bulimia or something. There's an emergency RA meeting about bulimia or something. Put this on and I'll meet you at the party. Put this on and I'll meet you at the party. - You want me to go alone? . - I'll be there in an hour. - You want me to go alone? . - I'll be there in an hour. Ben. Ben. Frankenstein. Frankenstein. - Ben? . - Andrew. - Ben? . - Andrew. God, I'm so sorry. I thought you were Ben. God, I'm so sorry. I thought you were Ben. There they are. There they are. Yeah, a little. Yeah, a little. Hi. Hi. How's it going? . How's it going? . - What happened to Frankenstein? . - What? . - What happened to Frankenstein? . - What? . - You want to get a drink? . - OK. - You want to get a drink? . - OK. We had a plan. You were going to go as Frankenstein. We had a plan. You were going to go as Frankenstein. Sean decided we should go as the Rat Pack. Sean decided we should go as the Rat Pack. He's Frank Sinatra and I'm Peter Lawford or something. He's Frank Sinatra and I'm Peter Lawford or something. Courtney Love, right? . Courtney Love, right? . - Covington. - One second. - Covington. - One second. You know Subway's number-one seller? . You know Subway's number-one seller? . Turkey 1 2-inch on white, hold the mayo. Turkey 1 2-inch on white, hold the mayo. You want to know how I know that? . You want to know how I know that? . Because this is what people keep asking me for. Because this is what people keep asking me for. Noel, I don't care. Get your ass down here now. Noel, I don't care. Get your ass down here now. Excuse me. I was just about to check my messages. Excuse me. I was just about to check my messages. I'm Blair. I'm Blair. We need to talk. We need to talk. - What? . - What's going on with you? . - What? . - What's going on with you? . Nothing. I'm hanging out. Nothing. I'm hanging out. I waited at the police station. You never showed up. I waited at the police station. You never showed up. I had to set up for the party. What's the big deal? . I had to set up for the party. What's the big deal? . I guess nothing. I guess nothing. So, is your movie going OK? . So, is your movie going OK? . Not really. I'm sort of at an impasse. Not really. I'm sort of at an impasse. I interviewed this one woman. She's afraid of electricity. I interviewed this one woman. She's afraid of electricity. She won't touch a light switch. She's afraid it might kill her. She won't touch a light switch. She's afraid it might kill her. Oh, my God. How does she live? . Oh, my God. How does she live? . She's married to a guy who's not afraid of electricity, which is nice. She's married to a guy who's not afraid of electricity, which is nice. So, I like your costume. So, I like your costume. I like your hat. I like your hat. It was my grandfather's. It was my grandfather's. Oh, God. Oh, God. No, I think I'm just gonna go back upstairs. No, I think I'm just gonna go back upstairs. Can I get you something? . Can I get you something? . - Maybe a noose. - Stop it. - Maybe a noose. - Stop it. Medicine's supposed to be about sick people, but come on, Medicine's supposed to be about sick people, but come on, Without money, you're screwed Without money, you're screwed So then I thought, plastic surgery. Boob jobs, tummy tucks. So then I thought, plastic surgery. Boob jobs, tummy tucks. I carved that pumpkin. I carved that pumpkin. A practice like that is a cash cow. Have you thought of that? . A practice like that is a cash cow. Have you thought of that? . Will you hold this? . Will you hold this? . I'm gonna go to the bathroom and throw up. Pardon me. I'm gonna go to the bathroom and throw up. Pardon me. - Zack just kissed me. - What? . - Zack just kissed me. - What? . - And I freaked out. - You did? . You freaked out? . - And I freaked out. - You did? . You freaked out? . I blew it. I freaked out, which is so unlike me. I blew it. I freaked out, which is so unlike me. - Cos I really need a bathroom. - Oh, my God. No. Go. - Cos I really need a bathroom. - Oh, my God. No. Go. Unless you're not OK, and then I'll hold it. Unless you're not OK, and then I'll hold it. No, I'm fine. Really. We can talk about this later. No, I'm fine. Really. We can talk about this later. Thank you. Thank you. Sorry. Sorry. What's wrong? . What's wrong? . Nothing. I'm OK. I just... Can you just go away? . Nothing. I'm OK. I just... Can you just go away? . I don't want anyone to see me like this. It's too humiliating. I don't want anyone to see me like this. It's too humiliating. Look, come on. You can talk to me. It's OK. I just want to help. Look, come on. You can talk to me. It's OK. I just want to help. You can't help. You can't help. - Is it Ben? . - No. - Is it Ben? . - No. Yes. He... I saw him kissing the Pink Power Ranger. Yes. He... I saw him kissing the Pink Power Ranger. - You did? . OK. - I'm just... - You did? . OK. - I'm just... Have you ever felt like there's no solace in anything? . Have you ever felt like there's no solace in anything? . Like, wherever you turn, you're just lost? . Like, wherever you turn, you're just lost? . I mean, I've never felt so lost in every conceivable way before. I mean, I've never felt so lost in every conceivable way before. OK, help me. Go. Start. OK, help me. Go. Start. Erm, alright. Well... Erm, alright. Well... OK, this is what I think. I think... OK, this is what I think. I think... I think we need to forget about Ben for the moment and focus on you. I think we need to forget about Ben for the moment and focus on you. OK? . OK? . I don't think this is helping very much. I don't think this is helping very much. I'm just getting started. I'm just getting started. See, this really awful thing just happened. See, this really awful thing just happened. And it's left a dark cloud hovering. And it's left a dark cloud hovering. And it's made you feel like you're weak and vulnerable. And it's made you feel like you're weak and vulnerable. But you're forgetting something very important. But you're forgetting something very important. You're forgetting who you are in the equation. You're forgetting who you are in the equation. Because... Because... Because you're this really strong and independent and beautiful woman. Because you're this really strong and independent and beautiful woman. Before you let yourself get caught up in the drama of the moment, Before you let yourself get caught up in the drama of the moment, you gotta know you're going to be fine. you gotta know you're going to be fine. You're gonna be more than fine. You're gonna be great. OK? . You're gonna be more than fine. You're gonna be great. OK? . - You think? . - I do. - You think? . - I do. Oh, no. Oh, no. That really changes my whole attitude about you. That really changes my whole attitude about you. - I am so sorry. - No. It's OK. - I am so sorry. - No. It's OK. I'm wearing gloves. I'm wearing gloves. Elena, It's Noel. Are you there? . Elena, It's Noel. Are you there? . - You're still asleep? . - What's up? . - You're still asleep? . - What's up? . I wanted to say I'm sorry. I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry and embarrassed, and you have every right to be... I'm sorry and embarrassed, and you have every right to be... Is there someone in there? . Is there someone in there? . The Tin Man. The Tin Man. - What? . - His name is Blair. - What? . - His name is Blair. - Right. The Tin Man's in your room? . - Will you shut up? . - Right. The Tin Man's in your room? . - Will you shut up? . Sure. Sure. We just hung out and listened to music. We just hung out and listened to music. Fine. Whatever. Just be careful. I heard he doesn't have a heart. Fine. Whatever. Just be careful. I heard he doesn't have a heart. - Yeah, very funny. - Have fun. - Yeah, very funny. - Have fun. Hey, how's it going? . Hey, how's it going? . - I know what you're doing. - Huh? . - I know what you're doing. - Huh? . You and I shared a moment the other night. You and I shared a moment the other night. You're freaked out, so you're blowing me off. You're freaked out, so you're blowing me off. What are you talking about? . What are you talking about? . - You invited me to that party. - Yes, and you came to my party. - You invited me to that party. - Yes, and you came to my party. Know how stupid I felt in that Bride of Frankenstein costume? . Know how stupid I felt in that Bride of Frankenstein costume? . - It's not like it wasn't Halloween. - What were those 2am calls about? . - It's not like it wasn't Halloween. - What were those 2am calls about? . Nothing. I was worried about you. Nothing. I was worried about you. - Yeah? . - Yeah. - Yeah? . - Yeah. No, you were worried about you. You were lonely and freaked out. No, you were worried about you. You were lonely and freaked out. You got too close and turned off. You got too close and turned off. Alright. What are saying to me? . Alright. What are saying to me? . Next time you need a friend at 2am, call the Pink Power Ranger. Next time you need a friend at 2am, call the Pink Power Ranger. You know what? . Not everybody's like you. You know what? . Not everybody's like you. Crazy and always judging everybody. Crazy and always judging everybody. I don't always judge everybody. I always judge you. I don't always judge everybody. I always judge you. Well, I can't... I cannot live up to that. Well, I can't... I cannot live up to that. Alright? . I'm a guy in college. Alright? . I'm a guy in college. If I want to make out with a Power Ranger, a ghost or a cheerleader, If I want to make out with a Power Ranger, a ghost or a cheerleader, I can do that. I can do that. You're not gonna make me feel guilty. You're not gonna make me feel guilty. I mean, not everything has big meaning, OK? . I mean, not everything has big meaning, OK? . Yes, we had a nice moment the other night, but so what? . Yes, we had a nice moment the other night, but so what? . It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. So I had an epiphany, So I had an epiphany, But it's probably really obvious to you, But it's probably really obvious to you, I've been acting insane, I've been acting insane, Obsessed over a guy who, it turns out, is just a guy, Obsessed over a guy who, it turns out, is just a guy, And what I really need to do is just let it go, And what I really need to do is just let it go, I can't believe they didn't swipe your PlayStation. I can't believe they didn't swipe your PlayStation. Yeah, I know. It's not mine. Yeah, I know. It's not mine. So what, you went out with Julie a little, right? . I heard that. So what, you went out with Julie a little, right? . I heard that. We didn't really go out. We just sort of hung out. Why? . We didn't really go out. We just sort of hung out. Why? . I kissed her. And... I kissed her. And... I don't know. She sort of shut me down. I don't know. She sort of shut me down. I wonder if I should give it another try. I wonder if I should give it another try. I mean, I don't even know if that's what she wants or not, so... I mean, I don't even know if that's what she wants or not, so... I gotta take a walk. I gotta take a walk. Yeah, I gotta go work on that movie. Yeah, I gotta go work on that movie. So what's going on? . So what's going on? . You treat me like an actual person. You treat me like an actual person. Aren't you one? . Aren't you one? . Last night, when... Last night, when... When I kissed you and screwed up our relationship? . When I kissed you and screwed up our relationship? . I got really freaked out. I got really freaked out. And all of a sudden, I just got this chill. And all of a sudden, I just got this chill. I just... I don't want to mess up the thing that we have. I just... I don't want to mess up the thing that we have. - Whatever it is. - Look, that's totally cool with me. - Whatever it is. - Look, that's totally cool with me. I was acting on this impulse, which normally I wouldn't have done. I was acting on this impulse, which normally I wouldn't have done. I'm not the most experienced guy of all time. I'm not the most experienced guy of all time. - Zack... - It's OK. - Zack... - It's OK. I don't want to ruin things either. We're just friends. That's fine. I don't want to ruin things either. We're just friends. That's fine. Now what? . Now what? . I don't know. I don't know. She's not here. She's not here. Do you know where she is? . Do you know where she is? . Yeah. Yeah. You wanna tell me? . You wanna tell me? . She's a friend of mine, you know? . She's a friend of mine, you know? . Yeah, I know. I know that. Yeah, I know. I know that. And I don't want to see her get hurt. And I don't want to see her get hurt. No, of course not. No. No, of course not. No. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I know. I know. Look, I don't mean to be... Look, I don't mean to be... You're right. You're a good friend. You're right. You're right. You're a good friend. You're right. But could you please just tell me where she is? . Please? . But could you please just tell me where she is? . Please? . - Thanks. - Sure. - Thanks. - Sure. Ma, his name is not "that guy". It's Samuel. Ma, his name is not "that guy". It's Samuel. From Brooklyn. I don't know. It's a biblical name. From Brooklyn. I don't know. It's a biblical name. Hi. Hi. Excuse me, miss. Excuse me, miss. Come on, I gotta talk to you. Come on, I gotta talk to you. Just give me a couple of minutes, please? . Just give me a couple of minutes, please? . OK, I want two coffees. Hello? . OK, I want two coffees. Hello? . I'm a customer now. Can I have two coffees? . I'm a customer now. Can I have two coffees? . You know my break's only 1 5 minutes? . You know my break's only 1 5 minutes? . OK then, I'll just jump in. OK then, I'll just jump in. I came here today because I wanted to apologise for being such a jerk. I came here today because I wanted to apologise for being such a jerk. And I wanted you to know that you were right. And I wanted you to know that you were right. I did push you away. I did push you away. For some stupid reason, I have a hard time letting people... For some stupid reason, I have a hard time letting people... Whatever. Whatever. Especially people who make me nervous. Especially people who make me nervous. I don't make you nervous. I don't make you nervous. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. Anyway, that's just a fact. That's part of who I am. Anyway, that's just a fact. That's part of who I am. So, here. So, here. I know it's not exactly like your grandmother's, but... I know it's not exactly like your grandmother's, but... And I was thinking, if you wanted to, And I was thinking, if you wanted to, we could go back and look at some files. If you want to. we could go back and look at some files. If you want to. The detective said that the odds of catching anyone are pretty small. The detective said that the odds of catching anyone are pretty small. Yeah, I know. But, still, it might be worth a look. Yeah, I know. But, still, it might be worth a look. Here, let me. Here, let me. Sorry. Sorry. Thanks. Thanks. Dear Felicity, it's true what you said about soldiers, Dear Felicity, it's true what you said about soldiers, They do form a special bond, They do form a special bond, But eventually, the battle ends, and those who survive, But eventually, the battle ends, and those who survive, they go home and try and make sense of it all, they go home and try and make sense of it all, Until a few days ago, Until a few days ago, I had planned not to tell Emmett about John's death, I had planned not to tell Emmett about John's death, It just seemed like too much for both of us, It just seemed like too much for both of us, Then I got your tape, Then I got your tape, It reminded me that it's something I really need to do, It reminded me that it's something I really need to do, I guess we all have our own war stories, I guess we all have our own war stories, but they're meant to be shared, They have to be, but they're meant to be shared, They have to be, Because these stories, they are what bring us together, Because these stories, they are what bring us together, They keep us alive. They keep us alive. Subs Edited by DizzyAngelDemon... made to fit the Uncut, Directors Cut Edition of KITE in HD Available at hshare.net How do you like this building? Is this a cool place or what? Yeah... You're special, you know. Those ugly dogs in my fan club don't know about this place. You're disgusting, you vulgar, arrogant, retarded celebrity punk... Just because you have some TV show. Give me a break. Who do you think you are? Shame-- You bitch! How do you like being kicked by a retarded celebrity punk? You old bitch! Your stinking perfume makes me sick! You're the disgusting one, bitch! I'm going to sue you for this... M-My son is an excellent lawyer. A punk like you will be squashed like a bug. Do you hear me, punk? We found traces of two bullets... in the chest and in the head. I see signs of blood under the skin. He must have died instantly. Mr. Akai... It must have been a very special gun... The bullets exploded inside his body. Better check those bullet fragments. Is the medical team here yet? They're all in the hospital because of food poisoning. Those assholes. What a waste of our tax money. What's with granny? Probably shocked to death. Looks like it was a heart attack. Get an autopsy just in case. So, this guy's a celebrity? He has seven TV shows a week. He's a popular comedian. What a joke. His usual material is about corpses. Nobody's gonna laugh at this. What a tearjerker. H-He was such a nice guy. W-Why would anyone kill him? He was the nicest guy I ever knew. I can't stand breaking up our team like this... Mr. Ogata at the studio? His outraged fans are rushing to the location. We can see how popular he was... Also, according to our sources, this case may involve organized crime... Well done. I feel sorry for that old lady. People die everyday. Come here. I'm not in the mood today. Give it to me. I know... But... Sawa... I have enough problems already. Anything wrong? Can't you feel it? Get on top. Be more punctual, Oburi. Who are we doing? Which one? All of them. We've called someone else in. You take care of the one in front. The other one will take care of the rest. What did they do? The three of them are child molesters. They're going to pay for what they did. There's another one besides me... How about this weekend again? Call me when you can. You know our usual activity... My wife just isn't good enough, you know? Surprised? You did it? Right. The reward for each adult is the same as always. Take it from Kanie later. You stink, Mr. Akai. Oburi, I don't have an easy job, you know. The stink from the corpses makes my eyes water all the time. And that rotten smell is so strong... It's no wonder I always stink. Mr. Akai... Did you think about what I asked you? Sure. I don't want to hold you back. Wow... Your generosity makes me feel weird. However you have to take care of three more jobs. I knew you'd say that. It's between you and me, isn't it? We've got to be fair to each other. Right, Kanie? Isn't that right? Mr. Kanie, I'll do my best to be on time. What are you doing? You suck! You're so slow! You retard! Give it to me! Hey, buddy, give us the ball! You got my jacket dirty. It wasn't that nice, anyway. Go home and wash it yourself, okay? He's pretty good. That's why I need you. 1 05 yen is your change. Thank you very much. Hey! You look good in that uniform. You... Tastes good. This must be a new flavor. Want some? You asked Kanie where I worked part-time? So... What? Tell me your name. Sawa. As in "the sand you can't hold" and "the feather blown by the wind." Remember that. Is that your real name? Of course. I'm... Oburi. You're Oburi, right? How much do you know about me? Are you mad? No, I'm just... Kanie told me your name, that's all. Is Oburi your real name? Yeah, it is. It's a very unusual name. Everyone says that. Do you have a family? Nope. You? Me neither. We're alike, aren't we? Can I ask you something? Sure. Anything. I'll tell you. What is Akai to you? He's my guardian. Same as me, huh? What a strange coincidence we have here. Those earrings must be very special to you. Why's that? You were wearing them the last time, too. They look weird, yet really beautiful. They're made from the blood of my papa and mama. It's kind of my lucky charm. Let's go! Where is it? Your place. Shit... That's... You know him? He's a Hollywood movie star, isn't he? Some of my classmates are fans. But I didn't know that he had a twin brother. They'll be here in a few minutes. This is the third celebrity. Kill the right one. If I get the wrong one, I'm sorry. He has three bodyguards, so be careful. Where do I get him? Give it back! Give it back! Give it back! Give it back to me! Don't you want to be with your papa and mama? Kill him. This guy's one of the most wanted, murdering, perverted bastards. He's been kidnapping young girls, raping them and killing them by chopping their bodies into pieces. Who cares if one or two guys like him die? Find whoever killed my papa and mama. Yeah, I swear I will. Just die already! Manager, someone may catch us! Yes, but it's so exciting! If we're lucky, we'll find something left behind by the suspect. Search every square inch of the room! You think we can find anything in this mess? That's what a professional does, right? If you fell from this height, it'd be impossible to identify the body . Lucky girl. Must've grown wings or something. Mr. Akai, can we come in now? Yeah, go ahead. There aren't that many press people here today. They're all at the police station. Did they find out about the chief's Lolita complex or something? Huh? You didn't know? There's a witness! What? Did he say anything? No. He's still in shock, but it's a woman. A woman? The killer was a woman. A young one. Mr. Akai how long have you been there? Kanie, your woman may have to wait a while. I'm going to go look for it. You were spotted at the scene, too. Why didn't you find it for me? The place was completely destroyed. That tiny earring must have been destroyed too. That earring was important to me. You should know that best of all. One should be enough. Anyway, you should realize the situation. You killed the client. Mr. Kanie gave me the wrong target. It's not my fault. The result is all that counts! Then do it yourself! Don't stay out for too long! Sawa! What's up? Are you okay? Of course not. It still hurts. I have a bald spot and everything. I'm exhausted. Come in. I'll make some coffee. I prefer tea. Really strong green tea. I don't have any. I brought some. It's bitter... It's good! Sawa... What? What will we be doing ten years from now? What kind of question is that? There's only one target. It's an easy job for you. You got that, Oburi? Be on time tonight. Sawa... Ten years... Five years... Even tomorrow may never come for us. All I can do for now is live life to the fullest. Your life or even tomorrow's lunch... No one knows what it'll be. Akai? That's right. ...to kill you. That's why you came here? You knew that, right? Get ready. Your parents were killed by Akai and Kanie. I know. ...for a long time now. Promise to come back here. This guy's a prosecutor for the DA's office. He was bribed to ignore the illegal activities of a big corporation. He'll be in the last train car in three minutes, so take care of him there. He doesn't look like a government suit type. Be careful. I don't want Mr. Akai to fire me just yet. Who the hell are you? Don't you know? Just an ordinary citizen. Die. You shitty punk! You punk! I'm gonna chop you into pieces! The one in pieces is you! Sorry, Mr. Akai. Oburi, what are you doing? Don't even try it! Calm down, okay? Who the hell was that prosecutor? A cop from the SWAT team. Didn't Kanie tell you that? That guy had a gun... He tried to kill me! What do I have to do with that? I'm going to disappear from your sight. If you follow me, I'll kill you. Hold it, hold it. You promised to do two more jobs, didn't you? Do it yourself. Is Sawa with you? I'm taking her with me. I see... You punk, you caused me some serious trouble... What happened? You! I thought you died already! Get away! Get away from him! Sawa... Oburi, hang on! Hang on! S-Sawa... Why are you here? Can you stand? I guess... I'm losing feeling in my left arm... We'd better take care of you quickly. Don't move! Sawa... Oburi, I won't kill you. Sawa, thank me. No, let me go! No! No! Stop it! Kanie, you want to shoot him? Yeah, I really want to shoot this punk and splatter his blood all over. You hear that? What are you going to do, Sawa? Oburi, a dog is better off chained to its master. Don't... No... You didn't have to do all this just to kill him. Just killing him isn't enough for me. You hate him that much? It's not just that. It's my hobby. Hobby? I really take pleasure in watching other people's pain. Nothing else makes me feel like that. Gross hobby. Your act really scared me. I almost thought you'd betray me for a second... So, I'll be on my own from now on. Don't worry. We already found a replacement for Oburi. Where are you going to kill him? The place where we made you kill for the first time. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's autopsy. I'm going back. Why don't you stay tonight? I have an exam tomorrow. Why don't you drop out of college? I look better with pencils than with guns. Death caused by massive blood loss. There are several bullets. I don't appreciate doing this kind of stuff first thing in the morning. We've done most of the checking before you came in. Good work. What's wrong? This isn't like you... Did you notice? What? I just realized, Mr. Akai... This place. It's a parking lot now but this is where that family got slaughtered a few years ago. A few years ago... We did the investigation, you know. I remember they had a daughter. She was adopted by somebody. It was a really sexy girl. Oburi... Oburi, I didn't think you had the balls to kill Kanie. But in your condition, I don't think you can beat me. Right? This time, I'll nail you myself! Right now, you don't even have the strength to pull that trigger! ...not with your left hand. Sawa? What's going on, Sawa? My hand! You and Oburi... The one who killed Kanie was me. Oburi is fine. The two of you tricked me... Why? Do you know how long I've waited for this moment? This is for Papa and Mama and for me. Sawa! Let's go! Where the hell were you? Shut up! I'm gonna win today! Go get everybody! Wait just a little longer... Pretty soon... Oburi will be back. (THEME SONG PLAYING) CORY: In case you didn't see last week's Boy Meets World, here's why I have this look on my face. And do you, Topanga, take Cory to be your husband, to honor and cherish him, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part? I... I... Do. I... We got "I." We're looking for "do." TOPANGA: I... This is just the strangest thing. Excuse me. Topanga, listen. You can do this, okay? I did it. I was a real man about it. Now, don't leave me up here in my wedding dress. Let me try this again. Okay. Yeah. Now we're cooking with gas. I... ALL: Do. Do can't. I can't. Oh, you hate to see that! I'm so sorry, Cory. I'm so sorry, Judge Bemis. Foofie. (DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS) You know what's funny? What's that, son? She asked me. Boy, I am so sorry my family missed that. I'm sorry, Cory. Wow! I don't know what to say. "Do!" You know, "do"? It's the first half of your favorite word, "don't." I don't like your tone. (CHUCKLING) You don't like... I drive 1,000 miles to marry her and she don't like my tone. That is really rich. I want my family to be at my wedding. I want your family to be there. Cory, I want to wear a wedding dress. A white, lacy wedding dress. Of course, white. The way we're going, bright white. Snow white. Whiter than the white-hot light of 1,000 burning suns! How long are you gonna be mad at me? Ten minutes. We raise Cory carefully. We teach him everything we know, we do the best we can, and then we disagree over one thing, and all of a sudden, he's gone. He's not gone. He's a good kid. He would never get married without us. Are you sure? Absolutely not. But what the heck? We're having another one, aren't we? Hmm? I'm giving you the next 18 years of my life. Don't you ever do anything without me. He won't. And neither will I. So come on, let's all go to bed, okay? Come on, it's 3:15. Only creeps and weirdoes are up now. How you doing? You were thinking about your brother, weren't you? Yeah. I got a six-foot-tall wonder-woman sleeping in the room next to me. I was thinking about my brother, though. Yeah. What are you doing here? Well, I couldn't sleep, if you know my current situation, and there's nothing on TV, so... Hey, wait a second. What are you guys doing up? The only people up now are creeps and weirdoes. How you doing? Shawn, what are you doing here? Eighteen years I'm his best friend. I raise him right, teach him everything I know. I thought you wanted them to get married. Yeah, but not without me. I'm supposed to be the best man. Hey, wait a second. I'm supposed to be the best man. Maybe that's why they eloped. They couldn't choose between us. No, Eric. No. They eloped because your parents tried to tell them what to do, so they drove up to some justice of the peace up north. At least that's what he said on my machine. You heard from him? He really did get married? "He's a good kid?" "He'll never get married without us?" I am keeping my knees together and this one is never getting out. Can I crash on you guys' couch? I don't want to be up this late with all the creeps and weirdoes. How you doing? Hi, George. I couldn't sleep. Why not? Well, you got all the lights on. Everybody's yelling. And Eric parked his car in my garden. So? What the hell do you care? You're moving. Go ahead, Feeny, retire. Take care of yourself, that's what you're best at. The man has given the last 40 years of his life teaching people. Don't care. Kill his flowers. Kill them. Eric, when someone you care for makes a considered decision to change his life, then those who do care should offer their support and respect his decision. Oh, Feeny, you had me at "Eric," man. Come here. You're right, George. We should accept what they've done and do something to show our support. I mean, after all, we're talking about Cory and Topanga here. Cory and Topanga? I was talking about a going-away party for me. Going away? You're still going away? Oh, for the love of Mike, stop with the mindgames, man. You know, this is the reason I can't sell my house. Put the mirror back. Gee, sorry, I'll put it back just like you had it. There. Great. Now I can see if there are any cars coming at my crotch! Stop snapping at me! We ran off together, and you know what we did? Nothing. Our big dramatic moment, and you know what we did? Nothing. I don't care about a big dramatic moment, Cory! It's not right to run off together because we think we have something to prove. When we get married, I want to have a big cake. I want doves. No doves. You were right. You did the right thing. Our marriage should be a celebration, not a secret. Thank you. You owe me the rest of your life, you know. It's yours. Hey, Rachel, what's up? Rachel, how you doing? What smells so good? I am making you two French toast. But I'm not going to do it every day, so don't get spoiled, okay? (LAUGHING) Okay. Jack, Jack, Jackie, Jack, Jack. Live a healthy life, eat all your vegetables, honor you father and your mother, and heaven will reward you with a hot-hot-hottie-hot hottie-hottie-hot-hot for a roommate. I need to tell you two something. Don't leave. We'll do anything. When I met you, I was in really bad shape. But you two, you took me in. You rescued me. I just want you to know how grateful I am to you. I am so lucky. You guys are my heroes. Thank you so much. No, thank you. (BOTH CHUCKLING) Oh, thanks. Hey, we're the ones that are lucky. Oh... Come here, you. (ALL LAUGHING) One more. (ALL SIGHING) Excuse me. Okay. Oh. By the way, by the way, I promise I'm not going to be a bathroom hog, but I really do like to start the morning with a bubble bath. I like to put in all the aromatherapy beads and all the bubbles and... It's just my favorite part of the day. Is that okay? Yeah. I demand you take bubble baths. Really? Why? "Why?" Jack? Well, um... You know, if you didn't take bubble baths, that means you're not comfortable... Comfortable. ...living here with us. With us. JACK: We just want you to be yourself. With bubbles. Oh, you guys. You know, I am this close to being glad that my boyfriend actually left me. BOTH: No! Please. (SCOFFS) Oh, man. That girl is taking a bubble bath in the bathtub of our bathroom. We're geniuses. Dude. Don't know if this is the right time to say... I love you, man. Dude. Don't even, man. I'm the one that loves you. Dude! Dude! Come here! RACHEL: Oh, boys, you know what? I can't figure out how to work the stopper in the bathtub. Could one of you please come show me? Come on! Cory, wait. I'm scared. I don't want your parents to be mad at me. I love them. Well, they are gonna be mad. Topanga, In fact, if I know anything, they are gonna be furious. Congratulations, newlyweds! ALL: Congratulations! (ALL CHEERING) We're so proud of you. Congratulations. It's really great. I always felt like you were a sister to me. Now you really are. Cor, you gotta try these cheese balls, man. They're, like, insane, they're so good. What's happening? (MUTTERING) They think we're married. (EXCLAIMS) You guys look exactly the same. What'd I tell you, Cor? You were always married. Doesn't take a piece of paper to change what always was. Shawn, I gotta tell you something. Oh, and I want to hear all about it. (LAUGHS) But not in front of your parents, okay? (CLINKING) Okay, everybody, listen up, please. I just want to say that I am the luckiest man in the world. I have one beautiful wife, a lovely daughter and one wonderful son! Hey! Hey! And now I have yet another lovely daughter. I think we should tell them. Not now. He's talking about me. To Cory and Topanga, all the best. We love you. ALL: To Cory and Topanga! My little brother! Whoo! (CLAPPING) Well, well, well. Mr. Feeny, before... No, no. It's my turn, Mr. Matthews. You have done quite enough tonight now, haven't you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) (LAUGHING) For 40 years, I have taught young men and women. I have seen countless lovestruck children. But I have never seen the love, the loyalty and the fun that I have seen in you two. My friends, my dears, Cory and Topanga. ALAN: Hear, hear! (ALL CHEERING) Cory and Topanga! (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Well, it's the mother's turn, and I do want to say something. (EXHALES) I have watched these two grow up. Boy, have I. And here they are now, adults, just fresh out of high school. Don't know anything about the world at all... I'm sorry. I can't do this. This is a mistake. And I do not support it. Why couldn't you have just gone to Yale? Hear, hear! I should go. No. Topanga, you're not leaving your own wedding reception. I'm sorry for any pain I've caused. Topanga, wait... How could you say that to her? (DOOR CLOSES) I'm sorry. You're sorry? So for 15 years you've been lying to me? No. No. You've been lying to me about how you feel about us, and you've been lying to me about how you feel about her. I want what I believe is best for you, Cory, and Topanga. What's best for us, Mom, is for you to trust us! I love her! All right? I will always love her. And you know something else? We didn't get married, because she wanted you to be there! (DOOR OPENS) (DOOR SLAMS) Who's the present for? No one. You bought a present for Rachel, didn't you? No, I didn't. Oh, it's a book! So she has something to read in the bathtub. You know something? That's cold. You're trying to get her to like you more than she likes me. That is cold, man. What about that stuff before about, "Oh, dude, I love you," all that stuff? It's just plain cold. Oh, and, uh, what's that, slime-wipe? Some kind of bird for Rachel. (LAUGHING) Your present's stupid. Hey, guys. Oh, hey, Rachel. Hey, I bought you this bird. (CHIRPING) It reminded me of you because it has bright red feathers and it eats like a bird. You bought me a present? Oh, I got you this book, um, which I've read, and I thought maybe you'd like it. Keats. How did you know that that was my favorite poet? I told him. What just happened? Something bad. (BIRD SQUAWKING) Can we eat this? They're too young to even think about marriage. I understand that you don't want our little boy to make a mistake, but he is not a little boy anymore. Please. I still lay out his clothes. And what she wants to do... Topanga. Right. What she wants to do... Topanga. Use her name. Right. What Topanga wants to do is... Lay his clothes out for him. What? Take care of him. Be there for him. Amy... Do you think that this would bother you as much if this was some girl who couldn't take care of him as well as you have? Do you really think that Topanga isn't right for him? It isn't about that. They are too young. He's not ready. I'm not ready. (SOBBING) Yes, she's right for Cory. She loves him. And yes, she... She'll take care of him. And he'll be happy. Oh, God. I'm jealous of her. (CHUCKLING) Oh, honey. Hey, we still have Eric. Oh, God! She's been in there a really long time. I know. You don't think that she, like... (EXCLAIMS) Nah. She's too tall for that. We're freaks, man. She just comes off a bad relationship. She's vulnerable. Yeah. And both of us are going after her like she's some kind of cheese ravioli. Yeah. When she really needs a couple of friends. I'm telling you something, Jack. We better make it safe for her around here before it's too late. (RACHEL GRUNTING) Oh, no, it's too late. We're not letting you go. What? We know why you think you have to leave. Why do I have to leave? Because of the extreme sexual tension that we've created in this here, your new habitat. Oh, yeah. You feel it, too, huh? Yes. And we realize that if we have any chance of keeping you here, we have to stop thinking of you as a... Puff pastry on a plate. And more like a... Person. And we won't chase after you, compete for you. We'll be what you really need. Roommates and friends. And that's it? That's it. So, what do you think? Come on, will you stay? Stay? I was never moving out. BOTH: Yeah! You know, I love my book. And my bird, too. You guys treat me better than my boyfriend ever did. You know, I think that started to scare me. I just realized that I could easily fall for either one of you. And then I thought, well, so what if I do? Because I can deal with that. Oh, no! We guessed wrong. No. No, no, no, no, no, you didn't, 'cause we have to keep this strictly platonic, no matter what I'm feeling inside. (STAMMERING) Well, then, what's in the suitcase, then, Rach? Just some mementos from my old boyfriend. I was on the way to the incinerator to burn them. So, I guess when we get back, we'll start our new relationship. Thanks, guys. You really saved me from myself. You know, you two are the most sensitive, caring men that I've ever met. Thanks. (DOOR CLOSES) (TIMER DINGS) The bird's ready. I should leave. You don't need to leave. Topanga. Um, could you come over here, talk to me for a minute? I don't want you to be mad at me. I'm not mad at you. Why don't we let them have a little talk? Because I'm afraid Mom's going to kill Topanga and bury her in the sandbox. It's very hard for a mother to think that another woman is going to take her place with her little boy. I could never take your place. I just love your little boy, Mrs. Matthews. Amy. Use my name. Amy. And if there is going to be another person to take my place, I want it to be you. Thank you. I'm really proud of you, Cory. You stood up for what you believed in, and you made your own decision. Yeah, but, I mean, Topanga was right. It would have been wrong to get married just because you said we shouldn't. I raised a good man. You calling me a man? Yeah. You want to get off that swing and do something about it? Yeah, I do. (CHUCKLING) We came down here to tell you guys that we will always be here for you no matter what you decide. And the one thing we don't ever want to do is make you feel afraid to come to us with any important decision. Uh, well, we have made a decision. In fact, I think we've made the most important decision of our lives. We love you both. And now that there's going to be a wedding, you're going to need this. This was my mother's engagement ring, and I would be honored if you would wear it. Amy... I want it to stay in the family. Hold it. Remember me? Cory? Don't I get to do anything? No, no, no, no. I don't get to propose, I don't get to put the ring on her hand, I don't get to do nothing. Welcome to marriage. Cor, we have a lot to do, a whole wedding to plan. Actually, no, we don't. What? You said no to her? What is the matter with you? Ow, ow, ow! I told you, we made a decision. We made it together. We listened to our friends, and we listened to our families, but we made it on our own. So, what did you decide? I'm gonna tell you, but there's something I need to do first. Topanga. Come here. We've been together our entire lives, and you know that I love you more than anything in the world. Will you marry me? Yes, Cory. Yes, I will. All right, already. When's the wedding? That's what we decided. We're gonna get married when we're ready. And when we're ready, you'll be the first to know. So, have a great time in Jackson Hole. Here's to your retirement, George. ALL: Hear, hear! Thank you, Alan. I'll miss you all. Well, I guess it's time for Feeny's favorite student to make a speech, huh? For 40 years, I have watched you educate young men and women. Boy, have I. (CHUCKLES) I'm sorry. I can't do this. This is a mistake, and I do not support it! Why couldn't you have just gone to Yale? (DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS) Easy! Steady up! Hold on, mates! He's almost up! That's it! Give it a big pull! That's it! Don't drop him now! Put your backs into it! Come on! - [ Coughing ] - There he goes. Lots of life in him. Give it up, matey. That's what you get for your trouble. Maybe he's just taking a long swim. Yeah, or a short flight. You an airman, mate? - He's not dressed like an airman. - What kind of uniform is that, then? - [ Groans ] - Sprechen sie Deutsche? Jah? I say he's a rat and we throw him overboard like a rat. Let's give him the heave-ho! [ Sailors Talking, Laughing ] [ Mulder] Hey. How's about another dip in the Atlantic, huh? DirtyJerry. Even the sharks won't eat him. What you got to say for yourself,Jerry, before we throw you back in? My name's notJerry. What's that? My name's Mulder. Fox Mulder. That a name? Mulder? I got I.D. in my pocket. "" Fox Mulder, Federal Bureau of Investigation."" - Sorry, mate. Never heard of it. - Never heard of it? Ever tell you what we do with foxes? Care to know? You've never heard of the F.B.I.? Why don't you shut up,Jerry, before we change our minds here. - Where are you taking me? - Where'd you pick up that accent? Probably in the Fuhrer's secret service. - Come on. - What are you talking about? I say we cut him open and see what color he bleeds. DirtyJerry. Deutschland uber alles. [ Spits ] [ Mulder ] Deutschland uber alles? Wait a second. How's about you shove a cork in it, mate. All right? [ Knocks ] Aye? What's this about? Found him in the water, sir. Don't know nothin' about him. I think he's a German. Bring the prisoner in my room. Friend or foe? - What? - To what flag do you pledge allegiance? I think there's been a mistake. I think the mistake is mine. Speak the truth, man. - This is the Queen Anne, isn't it? - Aye. That's about enough of that. I came looking for this ship. Say the word, Captain. I'll make him the first of the rest. - I think I can explain what's going on. - It's a ruse, Captain. What's our current position? Cut the spy up. I'll tell you. We're two degrees above the 30th Parallel. Sargasso Sea, just above the Tropic of Cancer. 64 degrees west by southwest off the Plantagenet bank, 60 miles south-southwest off Bermuda. How would I know that if I'd been in the water? That's a damn good question, lad. I'm waiting for a damn good answer. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that you haven't been able to get accurate compass readings, that navigation's been a real bitch. It's because you've been caught in the Devil's Triangle. I can show you. It goes from Bermuda... down to Puerto Rico, back up to Florida. The Queen Anne is stuck here on the eastern edge of it. You've been caught in a time warp, some kind of limbo dimension... and now you've popped out the other side into 1 998. - 1 998? - This man is mad. Let him tell it to the fishes. I'm done fooling' about, man. There's a war on. And in it or no, I don't plan to lose me mind nor me ship... to the likes of a jackal like you. Relax. There's no war. The world is at peace. There's a little trouble over at our White House, but that'll blow over. So to speak. Peace? It's September 3, 1 939, man. Hitler's entered Poland... and we've just been boarded by a bunch of his goose-stepping hooligans. So don't speak to me of peace, man. Tell Mother England. No, it's not September 3. It's November 1 6. Look. - [ Knocks On Door ] Excuse me, Captain. - Aye. Sir, the Germans, sir, they've taken control of the bridge. They're steering a course for their homeland. Not on the watch of Captain Yip Harburg, they're not. Lock the prisoner up in here. It's okay. The war's over. Let 'em take you to Germany. They make nice cars. This is unbelievable. [ Static ] Mayday. Mayday. This is Special Agent Fox Mulder with the F.B.I. I'm on the S.S. Queen Anne. [ Static Continues ] Ship in distress. Mayday, mayday. [ Announcer] The British ambassador in Berlin... handed the German government a final note... stating that unless we heard from them... that they were prepared at once to withdraw their troops from Poland, a state of war would exist between us. No such undertaking has been received. Consequently, as of today, September 3, 1 939, this country is at war with Germany. Oh, sh- [ Siren Wailing ] - [ Man Speaking German ] [ Door Handle Rattling ] Hallo! Hallo! Hallo? [ Radio: Announcer ] Closing places of entertainment. All cinemas, theaters and other places of entertainment... are to be closed immediately until further notice. The evacuation of British children... is going on smoothly and efficiently. The ministry of health says-- [ Andrews Sisters ] BeiMirBistDuSchon Please let me explain BeiMirBistDuSchon Means you're grand [ Grunting ] BeiMirBistDuSchon Again I'll explain It means you're the fairest in the land What the hell is going on? - Spender? - I could say bella, bella Even say wunderbar Each language only helps me tell you How grand you are Ree - dee Ree - dee, ree - dee Ree - dee, ree - dee, ree - dee [ Continues ] [ Men Speaking In German ] [ German Continues ] [ Man Shouts In German ] [ Continues Shouting ] [ All Shouting ] [ Woman Singing, Faint ] It's gotta be sunny to me Whenyoureyeslookinto mine Jeepers creepers Where'dyougetthosepeepers Gosh,oh,getup How'd they get so lit up Hey. Jeepers creepers Where'dyougetthosepeepers Excuse me. Scully! Get your Nazi paws off me before you get one in the kisser. - No, it's me, Mulder. - Oh, you speak English, do you? Well, how'd you like to see the stars in the American flag? - I'm not a Nazi. - Sure. You just look like one, right? I had to steal this uniform. [ Shouts In German ] - [ Gunshots ] - [ All Screaming ] [ Shouting In German ] He said put your hands up. You see? I told you. [ Resumes ] Jeepers creepers You're all big men now, but wait until you get to Russia. I hope you fellas like the cold! - Aah! - Where'd you get those eyes Gosh,oh,getup How'd they get so lit up [ Men Shouting German ] [ Shouting Continues ] [ Shouts In German ] Same to you, Adolf! . [ Continues Shouting ] [ Speaking German ] I'll not give up this ship! [ Speaking German ] Aye, you can put me down, man, but I'll not let go of this wheel. So till we meet in hell-- [ Spits ] [ German ] - [ Gunshot ] - [ Groans ] You. [ Speaking German ] No sprechen. [ Speaks German ] I don't speak Nazi. [ Continues In German ] Wait a minute. Why are you shooting me? What have I done? I don't understand what you're asking me. [ Man ] Halt! [ Speaking German ] [ Speaks German ] Skinner, where are they taking me? Help me, Skinner! What are you guys doing here? - Mulder's in trouble. - Big trouble. - What do you mean? - Let's take a walk. Okay. Where are we going? The walls have ears. I have ears. Tell me what's going on. - Mulder's disappeared. - From where? From the National Reconnaissance Office's... Lacrosse mid-latitude imaging radar satellite. - What am I looking at? - A whole lot of nothin'. We pulled that down 45 minutes ago off the N.R.O. satellite, which early this morning sent a picture of a ship... which inexplicably appeared in the middle of the Atlantic. The S.S. Queen Anne, which vanished without a trace over 60 years ago. - The British luxury liner. - That's correct. - It was torpedoed by a German U-boat. - That's one story. There's another? Though her exact position was kept a secret... for fear spies might give her up to the Axis, it's been determined that the Queen Anne... was just south of the Plantagenet bank when she went missing. Less than 60 feet of water, yet she's never been found. - The Queen Anne just disappeared? - Into the Bermuda Triangle. - And reappeared this morning at 6:49. - That's impossible. - The satellite doesn't lie. - There's nothing on here. We gave the original images to Mulder so he could use them as navigational aids. - He was in a hurry. - To get where? Out to the Queen Anne before anyone else got there first. - He's gone out here? - He chartered a powerboat. We tracked him on the satellite for an hour and a half. Until a storm blew in and obscured all transmissions. - That's what you're holding. - What's happened to him? We can't know that, not without alternative tracking data. Which is why we're here. - All we can do is hope for the best. - But expect the worst. Well, we have to get help. - He's a needle in a haystack. - What do you need? [ Sighs ] Navy AWACS S.L.A.R or S.A.R. 1 00K swath imaging. You're gonna have to find somebody at the Pentagon to get it. Wait for me downstairs. I need to speak with him. - Could you take a seat-- - Is he in? - Yes, he's on his phone. - This can't wait. Sir? Hold on a minute. What is it, Agent Scully? I just received some very disturbing information, sir. I need your help. I'll call you back in five. You can't come rushing in here. Sir, I couldn't waste time explaining myself to your assistant. - Tell me what is so urgent. - Agent Mulder's done something rash. - I can't. - He may be lost at sea. - I can't, Agent Scully. - You can't what? - I can't help you. - This isn't for me. It's for Mulder. My hands are tied. I'm not your direct superior any longer. - Don't you want to know about this? - No, I don't. - I don't even want to hear it. - Sir, this is about a man's life. I'm not allowed to have any contact with either you or Mulder. She walked right past me, sir. You're out of line, Scully. No, sir, you're out of line. I'm sorry, but I'm coming to you for help and I've got nowhere else to go. I would hope that after everything we have been through... you'd at least have the courtesy, the decency, not to mention the respect... to listen to what I have to say. All I need is information. You don't have to do anything else. Look, sir, if you know anybody at the Office of Naval Intelligence, it would be of great help. I could lose my job, my pension. I could even be subject to legal action. [ Sighs ] Use your head, Scully. It'll save your ass. Save your own ass, sir. You'll save your head along with it. [ Sighs ] Ouch. Sorry. Yes, sir, I'll get those files and buzz you when I have him on the line. - I need a word with A.D. Kersh. - I'm sorry. He's not available. Uh, Assistant Director Kersh, may I please have a moment of your time? A moment for what? May I, sir? Thank you. Sir, I need you to get me some information. I am not at liberty to say why, but I can tell you it is of the utmost importance. Yes? I, uh- - Sorry. I-I shouldn't have come unannounced. May I see what you were going to show me, Agent Scully? Uh, it wa-- It's nothing, really. Good. [ Sighs ] What am I thinking? What am I thinking? [ Beeps, Dialing ] Sorry. [ Line Ringing ] Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Answer, Mulder. - Answer the phone, answer the phone. - [ Ringing Continues ] Come on, Mulder. [ Phone ] The cellular customer you are trying to reach is not responding. Damn. I want you to do me a favor. It's not negotiable. Either you do it or I kill you. You understand? - You okay, Agent Scully? - No, I'm not. I'm a gun ready to go off, so don't even think about trying to weasel me. What is it that you need? Navy AWACS... S.L.A.R. 1 00K swath south-southeast of Bermuda. I am looking for a boat, maybe a ship. 1 939 luxury liner. - 1 939? - Don't ask too many questions. I don't care what you do or who you do or who you have to grease. I need that information and I need it now. Are we clear on that? Crystal. And Agent Spender, if you're not back in a hurry, - I'll hunt you down and so help me-- - Right. [ Sighs ] God. [ Phone Ringing ] [ Ringing Continues ] -Hello. -[ Cigarette-Smoking Man ] Agent Fowley? - Yes. - I was looking for Agent Spender. He's not here right now. Is there something I can help you with? Agent Scully just handed the assistant director a piece of paper... with an intelligence system scribbled on it-- Yes? - Yes, sir? - Who is this? [ Phone Ringing ] - [ Gasps ] - Agent Scully. - I was just-- - I was sent to come get you. I was waiting for Agent Spender. I'm supposed to pick up a delivery from him. Agent Spender is with Assistant Director Kersh. That rat bastard. Stupid- [ Phone Rings ] - Scully! [ Static ] ...Scully... Mulder, is that you? [ Static Continues, V oice Breaking Up ] No, I can't-- I'm on an elevator. Hold on, I'll be off in a s-- Hold on. [ Static Continues, Voice Breaking Up ] - Hello? - ... Scully... No-- I can't understand! I can't-- - Was that you? - Is that you? I've been trying to reach you. I got the information you needed. How? Don't even ask. Sir, what you've done-- Is save Mulder's ass. I know. And if you ever ask me to break policy or protocol, I will have you tossed out of the F.B.I. for good. - Am I understood, Agent Scully? - Yes. Yes! [ Sighs ] [ Tires Screech ] [ Byers ] Did you get it? Yeah. [ Tires Screeching ] Oi, American, right? Saved your life, mate. Krauts don't want no reason to bring you Yanks into the war. -I got two words for you- - Pearl Harbor. -What? After Poland, Hitler's on his way to Denmark, Holland and France... with a few stops in between. The French all but roll over on us, the Italians seize their opportunity, and thejapanese come through the back door. It's a long, bloody story. Fortunately, it has a happy ending. - We win. - With no small amount of help from us. Not much to apologize over the next 50 years, except for the Spice Girls. [ Shouting In German ] Well, according to our host, this'll be our new accommodations, lads. You speak German. What was that shouting about up there? They got it in mind that we left America carrying arms to England. Are we? Listen, she's drawing 1 6 feet at 81 ,000 tons. We're making 21 knots at full power. If we got munitions aboard this ship, they don't weigh but a few stone. The captain knew something. He wouldn't give up the wheel. The Nazis boarded us after they intercepted a radio communication. Some kind of code word they keep asking about-- Thor's Hammer. You know what that is, mate? Who goes there? I said, who goes there? Show your face, or we'll bloody beat them to a stub. Put your irons down, boys. It's your own crew, for God's sake. - What are you doin' down here? - Havin' a cup of tea. What's it look like, you stupid swabbo? Then who's steering' the boat? Just some blokes who answer to the name of "" Heil Hitler. "" Ever been to Germany? They'll have a special affection for the likes of you. Hey, this ship can't go to Germany! Make up your mind, mate. It can't. You're not carrying munitions. It's something far more deadly. - Thor's Hammer. - Thor's Hammer is a man, not a weapon. A man who will help build a bomb that'll win the war for whoever has it. - You're saying he's aboard this ship? - I saw him. In the ballroom. [ Guard Speaking German ] [ Speaking German ] Auf weidersehen, mates. What's wrong with you? Don't you know there are spies everywhere? Trust no one, man! We've got to stop this ship! Now! - All right, lads, let's go! - [ Sailors Shouting ] Hey,you, who's in charge of this engine room? [ Shouting Continues ] Hey, I'm talking to you. Shut her down, man. We've got to scuttle her now! Put some piss in her, boys. You heard him! Kill the engines! There's no other way, swabbo! You can't get to Germany if you can't steer. Me overriding her. We steering a course for home. Have you looked at your compass? You can't get to England going the wrong bloody direction. We're not going to England. We're going toJamaica. Steer her home, you bloody ruffo, to her home where she belongs. Listen to me! You can't take this ship to England! - You'll never make it! - What are you talking about? There's only one place she's going, Yank. -Jamaica! - [ Cheering, Shouting ] You can't take the ship toJamaica either. The Germans will hunt you down no matter what course you steer. - No! No! - Hear it out! Hear it out! And who you be, boy? - My name's Mulder. - He wants to go back to bloody America. No, I don't. I want you to turn this ship around the way you came. - [ All Shouting ] No! No! - Bloody hell! We're halfway home! You've got to turn the ship around! - And what's in that direction? - The future. - What? - Actually, the past. Oh, well, I'm convinced. I can explain it to you. [ Soldier ] Du! Der Amerikaner! [ Continues In German ] Turn the ship around, or Hitler rises, Germany wins... and your children will never know what freedom is! [ Shouting In German ] [ Shouting In German ] Halt! Halt! [ Continues Shouting In German ] Achtung! Aufstehen. Mach schnell. Get up! [ Speaking German ] There's a scientist on board who can make a bomb. Who is this man? I don't know. [ Continues Speaking German ] You will answer the question... or we will begin killing passengers. Which one is the scientist? I don't know. [ Continues In German ] [ Passengers Gasp ] - [ Gunshot ] - [ Passengers Screaming ] [ Body Falls ] [ Continues In German ] How many lives are you willing to sacrifice? None. Then you have the answer. [ Speaking German ] - [ Pistol Cocks ] - [ Passengers Gasp ] - [ Gunshot ] - [ Screaming ] [ Scully ] Stop! This man has no answers. You're killing innocent people to learn that he knows nothing! Shut up. Shut up and move away. Listen to me, you little weasel-- [ Speaking German ] [ Passengers Gasping, Murmuring ] [ Continues In German ] Answer the question. I'll answer the question. [ Cigarette - Smoking Man Continues Speaking German ] That man is the scientist. [ Frohike ] Hey, Scully. You're not gonna believe this. Get up here. What? The sky just cleared, and there it was. Is it the Queen Anne? [ Byers ] That's her. I don't believe it. Seeing is believing. They've got power. [ Byers ] Maybe Mulder's already on board. Let's hope he is. You're lying. - He's telling the truth. - Shut up! - Who is the scientist? - I told you, this man is the scientist. [ German ] - [ Speaks German ] - What is the man's name? John Brown. Ask me again, and I'll knock you down. - What's his name? - Puddintame! Ask me again, I'll tell you the same. Wait. Don't shoot. I'm the scientist. - This man's a liar. - [ Man Shouts In German ] - I'm the scientist. - Please. Tell them the truth before someone else has to die. - I don't know this man. - Don't listen to her. She's traveling with me to protect me. She works for the O.S.S. - [ Speaks German ] - [ Soldiers Shouting In German ] [ Continues Speaking German ] [ Whispers ] That's great. I don't see you did any better. [ Continues Speaking German ] - What'd he say? - [ Soldiers Continue Shouting ] - I think I know what he said. - You learn fast. [ Soldier Shouting In German ] [ Engines Winding Down ] - What's happening? - The engines shut down. [ Shouting, Screaming ] - Hey! - Hey what? - Come with me. - Why should I? 'Cause you're the only one who can save this ship. Come on. [ Soldier Shouting In German ] [ Continues Speaking German ] Now what, Einstein? [ Shouts In German ] [ Gunshot ] [ Body Falls ] God bless America. Now get your asses out of here. [ Scully ] Byers? - [ Soldiers Shouting In German ] - Langly? Frohike? Come on. Come on. There you guys are. What are you doing? What are you doing? - Telling you how to save this ship. - Out here? I can't stay. I gotta get back to history. - What? - You gotta rescue it. Listen to me. The ship's caught in something called the Devil's Triangle-- a time warp, a rift in space. - Are you crazy? - You know Einstein, right? He predicts the theoretical possibility. He also predicts an atomic weapon that will destroy the world. Yeah? So what? If you don't convince the crew... to turn this ship around and head back into the Devil's Triangle, everything Einstein predicted will become true... except for the outcome of history. So if I don't turn this ship around-- In all likelihood, I won't exist. And neither will you. [ Sighs ] Okay. So, in case we never meet again-- [ Gasps ] I was expecting a left. Hey! [ Splash ] [ Voices Overlapping ] [ Scully ] Mulder? [ Monitor Beeping ] Mulder, it's me. - Where am I? - You're in a hospital. - Oh... - Lie still. I feel... like hell. I don't blame you. You've been through the wringer, I'd say. What happened to me? You did something incredibly stupid. What did I do? You went looking for a ship, Mulder, in the Bermuda Triangle. - Say that again? - [ Frohike ] Gilligan awakes. You were there. You were there, Scully. - He's delirious. - And he was there too. Right, me and my dog Toto. You were there with the Nazis. Mulder, settle down. It's an order. - Not that he takes orders. - Yeah. - You saved the world, Scully. - Yeah. You're right. I did. - What kind of drugs is he on? - I want some. No, no, the Queen Anne. I found it. You were there with Thor's Hammer. I told you you had to turn the ship around, then I jumped overboard. I bet you did. The boat you were on was busted into a million pieces. And as for the Queen Anne, it was nothing more than a ghost ship. No, no, no, you and I were on that ship, Scully, in 1 939. Get some rest, Mulder, 'cause when you get out of here, I'm gonna kick your butt but good. Come on. Let's go. I would've never seen you again. But you believed me. In your dreams. Mulder, I want you to close your eyes... and I want you to think to yourself, ""There's no place like home."" [ Chuckles ] Hey, Scully. Yes? I love you. Oh, brother. [ Sighs ] [ Child ] I made this! [ Child ] I made this! Easy. Steady up! Hold on, mates. He's almost up. That's it. Give him a big pull. That's it. Don't drop him now. Come on. Pull him over. Put your backs into it. Come on! Pick him up. Wakey wakey! There he goes. Lots of Iife in him. Give it up, matey. Good for ya. That's what you get for your trouble. Maybe he's just taken a Iong swim. Yeah, or a short flight. - Are you an airman, mate? - No, he's not dressed as an airman. What kind of uniform is that, then? Sprechen Sie Deutsch,ja? I say he's a rat and we throw him overboard like a rat. - Yeah. - Right. Let's give him the heave-ho. How's about another dip in the Atlantic? Dirty Jerry. Yeah. Even the sharks won't eat him. What you got to say for yourself, Jerry, before we throw you back in? - My name's not Jerry. - What's that? Eh? My name's Mulder. Fox Mulder. - Is that a name? Mulder? - I got ID in my pocket. "Fox Mulder, Federal Bureau of Investigations." - Sorry. Never heard of it. - Never heard of it? - I'II tell you what we do with foxes. - You've never heard of the FBI? - Why don't you shut it, Jerry? - Where are you taking me? - Where'd you get that accent? - In the Fuhrer's Secret Service. What do you mean? I say cut him and see what color he bleeds. - Dirty Jerry! - Deutschland uber alles. Deutschland uber alles? Wait a second. How's about you shove a cork in it, mate? AII right? Aye? What's this about? We found him in the water, sir. Don't know nothing about him. I think he's a German. Bring the prisoner in my room. Friend or foe? - What? - To what flag do you pledge allegiance? I think there's been a mistake. I think there's been a mistake. I think the mistake is mine. - Speak the truth. - This is the Queen Anne? - Aye. - Hey, that's enough of that. - I came looking for this ship. - Say the word. I'II make him first. - Wait. I think I can explain what's going on. - It's a ruse, Captain. - What's our current position? - Cut the spy up. No, I'II tell you. We're two degrees above the 30th parallel. Sargasso Sea. Just above the tropic of Cancer. 64o west by southwest, off the PIantagenet Bank. 60 miles south-southwest off Bermuda. How would I know that if I'd been in the water? Aye. That's a damn good question, lad. I'm waiting for a damn good answer. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you haven't been able to get accurate compass readings. It's because you've been caught in something called the Devil's Triangle. I can show you. It's because you've been caught in something called the Devil's Triangle. I can show you. It goes from Bermuda down to Puerto Rico, back up to florida. The Queen Anne is stuck here on the eastern edge. You've been caught in some kind of time warp, some kind of limbo dimension, and now you've popped out the other side into 1998. - 1998? - This man is mad. - Let him tell it to the fishes. - I'm done fooling' about. There's a war on. And in it or no, I don't plan to lose me mind, nor me ship, to the likes of a jackal like you. You can relax. There's no war. The world is at peace. There's a Iittle trouble at our White House, but that'II blow over, so to speak. Peace? It's September 3, 1939, man. Hitler has entered Poland. We've been boarded by his goose-stepping hooligans, so don't speak to me of peace, lad. Tell Mother England. No, it's not September 3. It's November 16. Look. - Excuse me, Captain. - Aye. Sir, the Germans have taken control of the bridge. Steering a course for their homeland. Not on the watch of Captain Yip Harburg, they're not. Lock the prisoner up in here. It's OK. The war is over. Let 'em take you to Germany. They make nice cars. This is unbelievable. Mayday. This is Special Agent Fox Mulder with the FBI. I'm on the SS Queen Anne. Ship in distress. Mayday. ..British ambassador in Berlin handed the German government a final note stating that unless we heard from them that they were prepared at once to withdraw their troops from Poland, a state of war would exist between us. No such undertaking has been received. Consequently, as of today, September 3, 1939, this country is at war with Germany. Hello? Hello? Hello? ..closing places of entertainment. AII cinemas, theaters and other places of entertainment are to be closed immediately until further notice. The evacuation of British children is going on smoothly and efficiently. The Ministry of Health says... What the hell is goin' on? Spender? He, hast du was gefunden? Bleib doch stehen! Horst du nicht? Umdrehen! Hast du was gefunden? Warten Sie mal! Halt! Stehen bleiben! Halt! Hier ist er nicht! Zuruck! Excuse me. Scully. Get your Nazi paws off me before you get one in the kisser. No, it's me: Mulder. You speak English? Want to see the stars on the American flag? - I'm not a Nazi. - Sure. You just look like one, right? - I had to steal this uniform. Scully... - Hier ist der Mann, den Sie wollen! Hande hoch! Hande hoch! He said put your hands up. You see? I told you. You're all big men now, but wait until you get to Russia. I hope you fellas like the cold. I hope you fellas like the cold. Hold still! Hast Gluck, dass wir dich nicht sofort abknallen. - Same to you, Adolf. - Schnauze! Bringen Sie dieses Schiff auf Fahrtrichtung Deutschland oder wir schaffen Sie vom Steuer weg. Verstanden? I'II not give up this ship. - Zeig ihm, was ich meine. - Aye, you can put me down, man. But I'II not let go of this wheel. So till we meet in hell... Erschiess ihn. You. Wer ist dieser Mann? Er hat einen meiner Leute zusammengeschlagen und seine Uniform gestohlen. Er ist Spion. Wo sind die Waffen versteckt? - No sprechen. - Die Waffen haben Sie an Bord, nicht? I don't speak Nazi. Erschiess ihn auch. Wait a minute. Why are you shooting me? Why are you killing me? What have I done? I don't understand what you're asking me. Halt! Nicht schiessen! Dieser Mann ist ein Amerikaner. Oder wollen Sie mehr Leute am Krieg beteiligen? Bring ihn nach unten. Bring alle nach unten. Skinner? Where are they taking me? Help me, Skinner! What are you guys doing here? - Mulder's in trouble. - What do you mean? - Mulder's in trouble. - What do you mean? - Let's take a walk. - OK. Where are we going? - The walls have ears. - I have ears. Tell me what's going on. - Mulder's disappeared. - From where? From the National Reconnaissance Office's Lacrosse mid-Iatitude imaging radar satellite. - What am I looking at? - A whole lot of nothin'. We got that 45 minutes ago off the NRO satellite which today sent a picture of a ship which inexplicably appeared in the Atlantic. The SS Queen Anne, which, by all accounts, vanished over 60 years ago. The British luxury liner. - Right. - It was torpedoed by a German U-boat. - That's one story. - There's another? Though her exact position was kept a secret for fear of spies it's thought she was just south of the PIantagenet Bank when she went missing. Less than 60 feet of water, yet she was never found. - So she just disappeared? - Into the Bermuda Triangle. And reappeared this morning at 6.49am Eastern Standard Time. Impossible. - The satellite can't lie. - It's blank. We gave the original images to Mulder for navigational aids. - He was in a hurry. - To get where? - Out to the Queen Anne before anyone else. - He's gone out here? He went to Bermuda and he chartered a powerboat. - We tracked him on the satellite. - Until the storm obscured transmissions. - That's what you have. - What happened? We can't know without alternative tracking data, which is why we're here. - Without data we can only hope for the best. - And expect the worst. We have to get help. - With no position he's a needle in a haystack. - What do you need? Navy AWACS SLAR or SAR 100k swath imaging. You're gonna have to find somebody at the Pentagon to get it. Wait for me downstairs. - I need to speak with him. - Could you take a seat? - Is he in? - Yes. Sorry. This can't wait. Sir? Can you hold on a minute? What is it, Agent Scully? I just received some very disturbing information, sir. I need your help. I'II call you back in five. - You can't come rushing in here. - I couldn't waste time explaining myself. - Tell me what is so urgent. - Mulder's done something incredibly rash. - I can't. - He may be lost at sea. - I can't. - You can't what? - Help. There's nothing I can do for you. - It isn't for me. It's for Mulder. My hands are tied. I'm not your direct superior now. - Don't you wanna know what this is about? - No, I don't. I don't even wanna hear it. - Sir, this is about a man's life. - I'm not allowed to have contact with you. Any contact with you or Mulder. She walked right past me, sir. - You're out of line, Scully. - No, sir, you're out of line. I'm sorry, but I'm coming to you for help and I've got nowhere else to go. I would hope that after everything you'd have the courtesy, the decency, and not to mention the respect to listen to what I have to say. Now, all I need is information. You don't have to do anything else. Sir, if you know anybody at the Office of Naval Intelligence it would be of great help. I could lose my job. My pension. I could even be subject to legal action. Use your head, Scully. It'II save your ass. Save your own ass, sir. You'II save your head along with it. Sorry. Yes, sir. I'II get those files and make that call. Yes, sir. I'II get those files and make that call. - I need a word with AD Kersh. - Sorry. He's not available. Assistant Director Kersh, may I have a moment? - A moment for what? - May I, sir? Thank you. Sir, I need you to get me some information. I am not at liberty to say why but I can tell you it is of the utmost importance. - Yes? - I... Sorry, I shouldn't have come unannounced. May I see what you were gonna show me, Agent Scully? It's nothing. Really. Good. What am I thinking? Sorry. Come on. Answer the phone, Mulder. Answer the phone. The cellular customer you are trying to reach is not responding. Damn. I want you to do me a favor. It is not negotiable. Either you do it or I kill you. - Are you OK? - No, I'm not. I'm a gun ready to go off, so don't test me or think about trying to weasel me. What is it that you need? Navy AWACS SLAR 100k swath south-southeast of Bermuda. I am looking for a boat, maybe a ship. - 1939 luxury liner. - 1939? Don't ask too many questions. I don't care what you do. I need that information and I need it now. Are we clear? Crystal. Agent Spender? If you're not back in a hurry I'II hunt you down and so help me God... Right. God. - Hello? - Agent Fowley? Yes. I was looking for Agent Spender. I'm sorry. He's not here right now. Is there something I can help with? Yeah. Agent Scully just gave the assistant director a piece of paper with an intelligence system scribbled on it. Yes? - Yes, sir? - Who is this? - Agent Scully. - I... - I was sent to fetch you. - I was waiting for Agent Spender. I was supposed to pick up a delivery from him. Agent Spender is with Assistant Director Kersh. That rat bastard! Stupid! Scully! Mulder, is that you? No, I can't. I'm on an elevator. Hold on. I'II be off in a s... Hold on. - Hello? - Scully? I can't understand! I can't... - Was that you? - Is it you? I've been trying to reach you. I got the information you needed. - How? - Don't even ask. Sir, what you've done... -..could save Mulder's ass. I know. - Thanks. And if you ever ask me to break policy I will have you written up and tossed out of the FBI for good. Understood? Yes, sir. Yes. - Did you get it? - Yeah. American, right? Saved your life, mate. Krauts don't want no reason to bring you into the war. - I got two words for you - Pearl Harbor. - What? After Poland, Hitler's off to Denmark, Holland and France, with a few stop-offs. The French all but roll over on us. The Italians seize their opportunity and the Japanese come through the back door. - It's a Iong bloody story with a happy ending. - We win? You come out on the side of history with help from us. Not much to apologize over the next 50 years, except for maybe the Spice Girls. Dann mal raus mit euch. Vorwarts. Worauf wartet ihr? Mach schon. Los. Well, according to our host this'II be our new accommodations, lads. You speak German. What was that shouting about? They got it in mind that we left America carrying arms to England. - Are we? - Listen. She's drawing 16 feet at 81,000 tons. We're making 21 knots at full power. If we got munitions aboard this ship they weigh but a few stone. But the captain knew something. He wouldn't give up the wheel. The Nazis boarded us after they intercepted a radio communication. Some kind of code word they keep asking about. Thor's Hammer. Do you know what that is, mate? Who goes there? I said who goes there? Show your faces or we'II bloody beat them to a stump. Put your irons down. It's your own crew, for God's sake. - What you doing here? - Having a cup of tea. - What's it look like, you stupid swabbo? - Then who's steering the boat? Just some blokes who answer to the name of Heil Hitler. You ever been to Germany? They'II have a special affection for the likes of you. - Yeah, right. - This ship can't go to Germany. - Make up your mind, mate. - I got news for you. You're not carrying munitions. It's something more deadly. - Thor's Hammer. - That isn't a weapon. It's a man. A man who helped build a bomb that'II win the war for whoever has it. - You're telling me he's aboard this ship? - I saw him. In the ballroom. Was ist los? Sein Name ist Thors Hammer. Er hat einen Plan, eine Bombe zu bauen. Auf Wiedersehen, mates. What's wrong with you? Don't you know there are spies everywhere? Trust no one, man! We've got to stop this ship! Now! Hey, you! Who's in charge of this engine room? Hey, I'm talking to you! Shut her down, man. We've got to scuttle her now. - Put some piss in her, boys! - You heard him! Kill the engines! - There's no other way, swabbo. - You can't get to Germany if you can't steer. Me overriding her. We steering' a course for home. You seen your compass? You can't get to England going the wrong way. We're not going to England. We're going to Jamaica. You'II steer her home, you ruffo. To the home where she belongs! Listen to me! You can't take this ship to England. You'II never make it. There's only one place she's going. - Jamaica! - You can't take the ship to Jamaica either. The Germans will hunt you down no matter what course you steer. Hear now! And who you be, boy? - My name's Mulder. - He wants to go back to America. No, I don't. I want you to take the ship, turn it back around the way you came. - bloody hell! We're halfway home! - You've got to turn this ship around. - And what's in that direction? - The future. Actually, the past. - Well, I'm convinced. - I can explain it to you. Du! Der Amerikaner! Du kommst mit uns. Rauf hier. Mitkommen. Turn this ship around! Or Hitler rises, Germany wins and your children will never know what freedom is! halt's Maul jetzt. halt's Maul jetzt. Klappe! Weitergehen! Links rum. Na komm, mach schon. Halt! Halt! Stehen bleiben! Stehen bleiben oder ich schiesse. Aufstehen. Mach schnell! Get up! Er sagte... Wir haben einen Mann an Bord, einen Wissenschaftler, der weiss, wie man eine Bombe macht, die den Krieg gewinnen wird. Frag ihn, wer dieser Mann ist. There's a scientist on board who can make a bomb. Who is this man? I don't know. Waffe bereit! Sag ihm, wir werden einen Passagier umbringen, fur jede falsche Antwort. You will answer the question or we will begin killing passengers. Which one is the scientist? I don't know. Erschiess ihn. Frag ihn, wie viele Personen er sterben lasst. How many lives are you willing to sacrifice? None. Then you have the answer? Er weigert sich ihn zu nennen. Schiess noch mal! Stop! He has no answers. You're killing innocent people to Iearn that he knows nothing. - Shut up! Shut up and move away. - Listen to me, you little weasel! Wir haben unseren nachsten Passagier, eine Dame. Richte die Waffe auf sie. Erschiess sie, wenn er die Frage nicht beantwortet. Answer the question. I'II answer the question. Beantworte die Frage. That man is the scientist. Scully, you're not gonna believe this. Get up here. What? The sky just cleared and there it was. Is it the Queen Anne? That's her. - I don't believe it. - Seeing is believing. They've got power. Maybe Mulder's already on board. Let's hope he is. - You're lying. - He's telling the truth. Shut up! Who is the scientist? I told you. This man is the scientist. Untersuchen! - Frag ihn, wie der Mann heisst. - What is the man's name? John Brown. Ask me again and I'II knock you down. - What's his name? - Puddintame. - Ask me again and I'II tell you the same. - Wait! Don't shoot. - I'm the scientist. - This man's a liar. I'm the scientist. please, tell the truth before someone else has to die. - I don't know him. - Don't listen to her. She is traveling with me to protect me. She works for the OSS. Fuhrt diesen Mann ab. That's great. I don't see you did any better. Erschiess sie zuerst. Erschiess alle. What did he say? - I think I know what he said. - You learn fast. - What's happening? - The engine shut down. - Hey! - Hey what? - Come with me. - Why should I? Cos you're the only one who can save this ship. Come on. Stehen bleiben! Stehen bleiben oder ich erschiesse Sie. Hande hoch. Hinter lhren Kopf. - Machen Sie's! - Now what, Einstein? Machen Sie's! God bless America. Now get your asses out of here. Byers? Langly? Frohike? Come on. There you guys are. - What are you doing? - Telling you how to save the ship. I can't stay. I gotta get back to history. - What? - You gotta rescue it. Wait, listen to me. The ship's been caught in something called the Devil's Triangle. Some kind of time warp. - Are you crazy? - Einstein predicts the theoretical possibility. He also predicts an atomic weapon to destroy the world. Yeah? So what? If you don't go back and convince the crew to head back into the Devil's Triangle, everything Einstein predicted will become true, except for the outcome of history. So if I don't turn this ship around... In all likelihood, I won't exist. And neither will you. So in case we never meet again... I was expecting the Ieft. Mulder? Mulder, it's me. - Where am I? - You're in a hospital. - Lie still. - I feel like hell. I don't blame you. You've been through the wringer, I'd say. - What happened to me? - You did something incredibly stupid. - What did I do? - You went looking for a ship, Mulder. In the Bermuda Triangle. - Say that again? - Gilligan awakes. - You were there, Scully. - He's delirious. - And he was there too. - Right, me and my dog, Toto. - No, you were there with the Nazis. - Will you settle down? It's an order. - Not that he takes orders. - You saved the world, Scully. - Yeah. You're right. I did. - What kind of drugs is he on? - I want some. - No, the Queen Anne. I found it. You were there with Thor's Hammer. I told you to turn the ship around, then I jumped. Yeah, I bet you did. The boat that you were on was busted into a million pieces. And as for the Queen Anne, it was nothing more than a ghost ship. No, no, no. You and I were on that ship, Scully, in 1939. Get some rest, Mulder, cos when you get out of here, I'm gonna kick your butt, by God. I would never have seen you again. But you believed me. In your dreams. Mulder, I want you to close your eyes, and I want you to think to yourself "There's no place like home." Hey, Scully. Yes? I Iove you. Oh, brother. Visiontext Subtitles: Abigail Smith US ENGLISH Fixed Synced By MoUsTaFa ZaKi Hi, this is Chris Carter, the writer and director of this episode - Triangle. This was an overly ambitious episode actually, and one that took a tremendous amount of extra planning and extra care and extra work for everyone involved. It was filmed in long takes, oners, that were put together artfully and made to look like real time. So what you're seeing is actually edited film that pretends to be in one continuous, long take through each act. You can see where some of the edits are if you pay very careful attention, but our attempt was to disguise them. We begin here in the Sargasso Sea with the wreckage of a ship. This was actually filmed in a tank. And here's Agent Mulder lying face first in the water. This was filmed in a tank that was used on the movie Titanic, among other movies. We're actually in the middle of a sort of desert here but you wouldn't know that, because we never actually rise... The camera never rises above the water level. This is stock footage of a stormy, stormy ocean with Mulder - David Duchovny - being pulled out of the sea. We're actually filming right off the edge of the Queen Mary here. Just to give a little background, when I told the actors what we were doing, they were game and they wanted to do it, but they knew they'd have to learn their lines very well because they'd be doing long takes as you see in this first take. This is all continuous action. There is an edit in here. But Mulder is hauled aboard the Queen Anne, which is the Queen Mary. He is being brutalised by the British sailors who have found him in the sea who believe he's a German spy, calling him Jerry. There's an edit in this little area here to get Mulder upright to answer the questions. Now he's going to be hauled roughly into the interior of the ship where, once again, we cut. But this is all long, long single takes that took a lot of rehearsal and, ultimately, a lot of very careful camerawork and focus pulling. Dave Luckenbach really was, for me, a kind of codirector on this whole episode. He, as the Steadicam operator, had the job of keeping the action framed in an interesting way. As you're coming in this hallway, there was an edit in the darkness. Another edit there on the swing pan. Mulder brought into the hallway and taken to Captain Yip Harburg's room, the British captain. Some of these actors were British, and some were affecting British accents. I think the lead actor here, Trevor, is actually Australian. Madison Mason, who plays Yip Harburg, is an American affecting an English accent. This was a really difficult scene for Bill Roe. This one in particular, because we're 360° around the room, and he's got to light it, and light it interestingly. He lit it and then I questioned his lighting. I thought it was too flat and I thought it wasn't what I was looking for. He tore the lighting out and we started again. It was very nervous-making because this was our first scene of the day and I think it took us until about lunchtime to actually get a shot off, That's very nervous-making in episodic television, because you've really gotta be putting film in the camera and getting prints if you want to get your work done. So this was all a very anxiety-producing situation. David Duchovny was spot-on. He had his dialogue down perfectly and had to do this scene... I think we ended up shooting this scene a half-dozen times before we got it exactly right. The camera needs to be a character here, looking back and forth, anticipating the dialogue, pushing in, keeping the framing interesting. There's a little cheap joke here about the White House. This was during the Clinton scandal, the Monica Lewinsky scandal. It's a cheap joke that probably doesn't work now. David is left alone in the room and all of a sudden... He's confused about the time or the others are confused because they're in the Devil's Triangle. Suddenly he hears a message over the radio, which is Neville Chamberlain declaring war against Germany. In hearing this, he realises that it's not that he has come onto the ship in 1998, but that he has come onto the ship in 1939. There's a whip pan here when Mulder hears something at the door and all of a sudden, for the first time, we see that the characters... There's a nice light change there too, which was very difficult to do. This is continuous action. We're going to see that people in The X-Files are actually showing up now as characters, Nazi characters, very similar to the characters that they play, in terms of their villainy, in the series. This is a very edgy shot here. Very, very dark. Done with a double, actually. Both Mulder and Spender here are doubled for this fight sequence. Through some tricky camerawork here, in silhouette. There's a cut right there. I have Mulder finding that indeed it's Jeffrey Spender dressed as a Nazi. I got a chance to use some of my favourite '40s music here too, or '30s and '40s music, to transition scenes and it was kind of a thrill. This was actually one of the less effective shots I did. I had to sort of span time here a little bit, so it's a little bit of a pan across nothing, while I get Mulder dressed or re-dressed and bring in the Nazis coming down the corridors. Beautifully lit and shot corridors. Mulder enters in his Nazi uniform now, in disguise. Corey Kaplan did such an amazing job - our production designer - on this episode. She was able to take what was already there, which was quite beautiful, and authenticate it, make it look as if it were a completely period ship. It was not quite. There were some things, additions - lights, carpeting and so forth that actually made it look less like an actual period ship. There are little visual references to The Wizard of Oz throughout, including that billboard you saw, the poster board you saw behind Mulder. Here he ducks in to the ballroom as the Nazis... just eluding the Nazis who run past. The camera as a character, Dave Luckenbach pushing in through the curtains, a cut, and we're in the ballroom. Still as if it's continuous time. This was a very expensive scene, because there's so many extras. Lighting took so much time, and costumes... There are dancers here, but I had actually only about eight real expert dancers. Everybody else had to be taught how to dance in the sort of period style. Mulder sees this singer on stage and recognises her, as we'll recognise her later. Oh, now who does he bump into? He bumps into Scully. Now Mulder, dressed in a Nazi uniform, running into the Scully lookalike who's never seen him before in her life. This was very fun to shoot. You can imagine, after five years of shooting Mulder and Scully as Mulder and Scully, the chance to make them somebody else and to use that conceit was a lot of fun, I think, for everybody. The man who we will come later to realise is Thor's Hammer, the scientist who knows about building an atomic weapon, we'll see him later on in the X-Files office. Mulder is once again challenged... David is challenged physically here, in these scenes, roughhoused, handled roughly. Taken outside... above decks and hauled through the rain. The cameraman actually got up onto... I had him rise up onto a platform here, so we got a nice high angle that we wouldn't have achieved otherwise. So every time we see this angle change, you'll see that there's another cut. It requires some piece of machinery, piece of expertise, that's all done in continuous action. We hired some actual German actors for the Nazi roles, so that their voices sounded authentic. They spoke in that thick German accent. We are actually in the Wheelhouse of the Queen Mary right here and the water pouring off the sides is ourwater_ We've created it with giant sprinkler systems. What you're looking at, really, is take two of a very complicated sequence. Everyone had to hit their marks, say their lines properly, and the camera had to work just so. I would have probably done this a few more times to get it just the way I wanted it. I have to say it turned out amazingly well, in spite of the fact I only got to do it twice, because the Wheelhouse started to leak with all the water we were pumping clown on it. The folks at the Queen Mary actually forced us to shut clown. So this was a stroke of just tremendous luck that we got what we got here. You'll see in a moment the appearance of another X-Files... Here's the Cigarette-Smoking Man, Bill Davis, as the head Nazi here, and the appearance of another man who we last expect to see in Nazi dress, that being AD Skinner, who I thought was somewhat less recognisable with his hat on. But we loved the gla... We gave him the little sort of Colonel Klink glasses. This brings us to the end of an act. Moving the episode now into the FBI. For a lot of people this is their favourite act. I think it moves really well. There's the man Scully was dancing with, working at the FBI, so everyone plays a dual role, or most everyone. I think that the way the action moved here is... It worked. The concept actually of keeping this moving as one continuous take worked, and it worked because the Lone Gunmen knew their lines. They'd spent the night before having a few beers and going over their lines, so they were word-perfect. Along with Scully, who had to move the action, not just by knowing her lines, but she actually marches... She does a lot of very physical marching in and out of offices here and has to maintain a tone and keep her energy up through each piece of the film, which all has to match, tonally, in an ever-rising and escalating sense of urgency. Mulder and Scully are actually out of the X-Files during the larger story arc here, so this is Scully's office for now, which is why we're not in the X-Files office. The X-Files office is being manned by Agent Spender, wno's Mulder's half-brother, and a villain. You've already seen him dressed in a Nazi uniform. This is Arlene Pileggi, Mitch Pileggi's wife, playing Skinner's secretary. Scully going to get help from Skinner, who we'vejust seen in Nazi dress, who offers her no help at all. Similarly as he's done, he seems like a villain here, as he appeared to us on the ship with Mulder when we saw him at the end of the last act. As we'll come to see, he is... Well, he seems like he is an obstacle here. He will end up becoming an ally. Janet Reno on the wall. Dates the picture. She's no longer in her job. I have saved at home these notes. Just kind of funny little memorabilia. You'll see that Gillian writes a note in Spender's office -the X-Files office - later on. I don't know why, I just... She had to write it on camera, so when we wrapped the scene I took the note and I've kept it as one of my little pieces of the show. That was a tricky camera move there. The cameraman needed to get out of the office behind Gillian and get in front of her, so we needed to create some obstacles which we made human obstacles. Now, these elevator scenes are very tricky, because the cameraman has to get inside with Scully, in the elevator, so he's gotta squeeze in, keeping his framing. The focus puller here... He is... If the... This is a trick. There was a cut there and I chose to have Scully step on the woman's toe to hide the fact that she is now completely separated from that last scene that she did. So, being in the elevator and getting out of it were shot as two different scenes. The focus puller has a really difficultjob here, because each time the camera moves in and out and the subject matter changes its focus plane, the focus puller has to be exact. If he's not, we get out-of-focus shots and we can't use those. So not only do the actors and the cameraman have to be great but the focus puller here has to be perfect, and he was an incredible amount of the time. Scully can get help from no one. She sees that now she has even betrayed Mulder's whereabouts and his plan, or what he has done, to her superior and her arch nemesis, the Cigarette-Smoking Man, who we've already seen as the evillest of the Nazis on board the Queen Anne... In World War II. Scully going to the cellphone. Running for the elevator and... For the first time in a long time, (chuckles) she can't get out on her cellphone. Seems like that cellphone works everywhere but in the FBI elevator of all places. There's a cut here. Every time Scully gets in and out of the elevator we have to cut, because we've gotta be in a new place. We're in the X-Files basement here, the X-Files office, with Spender, who's proven himself to be a weasel, as Scully says. He's no help at all but she browbeats him. This is a nice moment that Chris Owens created, looking off, creating a moment, so he's not just watching Scully's action but he's thinking. It was nice to be able to come off Scully to Chris Owens. He makes a moment of something that was really not a moment at all, which was important when the camera is always watching. There's no editorial, no chance to cut around anything. There's only what the camera sees in linear time. In the elevator scenes coming up, Scully moving in and out... Here will be another cut. As the camera focuses on the doors, we hold on the split and there... you can see a slight move there if you notice it, a slight camera adjustment which is another cut. We're in another scene. The elevator's actually stationary. It does not move, although it appears to move. So while Soully's inside, often when the doors are opening, or at least twice while the doors are opening, Scully comes out, pops back in. Then when the doors close, we're still in real time. Now the crew is out, scrambling like crazy. Set Dec is out re-dressing the same hallway as another hallway and this, actually, was really funny. We're in the same hallway now. Different extras, different furniture, different everything. Often we went too fast and we caught the crew with pictures in their hand, moving furniture. It was like a farce. That hallway changed three times during the course of that scene, all running in continuous time. This was, coming up, one of the most difficult scenes for the cameraman, when we jump out into the FBI parking garage and the Lone Gunmen pull up in their van. The cameraman actually has to get in the van with them, sit down, and we see Agent Spender running behind. The choreography of this, the timing, and the camera difficulty are... It just was a superior effort by everyone to actually make this work in the time we had. You're now in the bowels of the Queen Mary being led along, Mulder being pushed along with the British soldiers, being led by the Nazi soldiers into the engine room. This was really a tight squeeze for Dave LUckenbach_ It was one of the first scenes that we shot, maybe actually the first scene, and the difficulty scared us all. Getting this scene, making sure the camera functioned as a character here, pushed into the action, made it feel alive and interesting throughout, in such close quarters, was daunting. And when we didn't get a shot off until lunch... Everyone having to get their lines right, the camerawork being right, the lighting being right, the introduction of new characters into the scene, the timing of that, it all was, for television, bucking the odds that we could actually do what we wanted to do in the time that we had to do it. We couldn't fail. We couldn't make... We could make mistakes, but only very few, because we needed to get the work done. Now the plot thickens as the traitor is revealed. Mulder has now given the Nazis the information they need. Mulder has a trick up his sleeve, he believes, knowing where they are, in the Devil's Triangle. He was going to try to speak... You'll see another cut there, through the steam. He's going to try to speak, or talk sense to, the man at the wheel, who we'll recognise as AD Kersh, James Pickens, giving me his best Rastafarian accent. This was a really fun scene to shoot- these angry mob crowd scenes - because it always felt like it filled the frame and it kept everything intense, but it also felt at the same time, when you got into these tight corners, like you couldn't move the camera as much as you wanted to. Mulder here, trying to intervene. The Queen Mary was this incredible resource. We had moved from Vancouver where we had been for five years. We were all very nervous about the look of the show, and if it could still be scary enough, if we'd have enough atmosphere, which Vancouver had so much of. What we found and what we learned real quickly was that there were so many resources available that we didn't have in Vancouver, in terms of location and things like the Queen Mary. So this was one of the first episodes we did coming back from Vancouver to Los Angeles. It was just a treat to be able to get all this production value. Something we couldn't have gotten in Vancouver. See those whip pans and the cuts that are hidden there. Tight corners again for the cameraman, having to scoot down very, very narrow passageways. Using the darkness here as places to cut. Through the first three acts there were 17 edits. So there were only really 17 shots through the first three-quarters of the picture, and then there were more in the last act, because there are some camera tricks and things that required extra cuts. But I think there were a total of... There may have been... it's either 34 cuts in the whole picture, or 17 plus 34. Bye. Hey, Syd. I'm making cocktails. Onions or olives? Olives! Sorry I'm late. We had a lot of submissions. You're still doing those? I thought they were getting a new intern. They are. They're being selective. About an intern? Mm-hmm. They're being selective about an intern and you're still working on that? I think their priorities are really fucked up, you know? No one made me stay. I know they didn't make you. That's not what I meant. Yeah? You sound like you meant that. No, I just... If they made you an editor, they shouldn't keep treating you like an intern, that's all. I think it's degrading. Tsk. Assistant editor. Okay. Assistant editor. Comeon, Syd. I'm sticking up for you. Why? I'm not being bullied by anyone... except you. Good book? Yeah, it's really intense. Hey, that's great they promoted you. Congratulations. Thanks. Are you assisting Dominique too? No, I'm not really assisting anyone. I'm the assistant editor. Oh, that's great. I guess that's why they gave you an offce. Yeah. Did my faxes come through? Oh, yeah. Thanks. Sorry. How'd you get that job? I mean, what did you have todo to get it? What did I have to do to get my job? No, I mean like... what was your background, what was your major? Uh, critical theory. Really, that's a major? Yeah, it's like cultural studies or semiotics. Philosophy, you know? Foucault, Derrida, Kristava, whatever? Oh, pretty cerebral, huh? No, it's actually really interesting. You'd probably really like it. You think? Yeah. What are you reading? Dostoevsky. That is cerebral. Yeah, well, I'm not sure I'm really getting it. Debbie, no calls, we're in a meeting. No problem. Morning. Morning. Did you reconfrm Dieter? I'm just on to that. I have some errands for you too. Okay. Proofs come back? Uh, they should be here by 3:00. Are these Dieter's? Yeah, they just came in. That's brilliant. I know. The tone's great. I got you your scone and Earl Grey. Oh, did you? Thank you. I'd to like to have all the prints before his meeting. Okay, I'll get on to that now. Mmm. Thanks. Excuse me? There's a line forming out here. I'll be right with you, lady. Greta! Oh God, I'm sorry. No, sorry to hold you up. No, really, I'm so sorry. I... Did you fnish? Yeah. All done. How've you been? Good. Everything's great. Good, good. Great. How are you? Great. Great. Got a MacArthur last week. Oh, yeah. That's a genius thing, right? Ah, that's what they call it, but you know, I think it's really more a good opportunity for a writer to keep working. It's free now. I saw that native lady. What's her name? I always forget. White Cloud? White Hawk. Yeah, her. She got some genius award. What is that, half a million? Gonna eat? They should give you one of those awards. Mm-hmm. You're a genius. You're fucking brilliant. Thought you weren't gonna bring that tonight. What? Really. I was talking to White Cloud. Woo-woo. [Laughs] She was chewing my ear off about her award. Was she? Really. It was sickening, the way she was going on about it. Really. I can't stand that. You know, Fassbinder always told me, the ugliest quality in a woman is vanity. Vanity. It really is. I don't care if she's disabled. Hey, James? Yeah? You know this crack in the ceiling? Yeah? It's leaking. Do you want me to try, Boris? I think so. Domino. That's me. Arnie, you're cheating. I'm not cheating, 'cause you're not paying attention, because if you count up the outsides, you'd know if I... I think you should go to the boneyard. I put my five. What? Wait a minute... For cryin' out... Honey, you're not listening. You're not, um, focusing, because if you... Are you guys gonna play? I put my five. Luce, did you understand the directions? Cause I've explained it... Can you... Is it like a language barrier? I don't have this problem with Xander. This is ridiculous. Could you explain to her... Xander's a guy. We're girls. Yeah, that's why I'm saying, why don't you explain it to her? Is Delia coming over? I didn't talk to her. How come Delia won't go out with me? Because you broke up. That was a long time ago. Hi. Are you running a bath? No. Are you? No, I'm sorry. I live right under you... and our ceiling's leaking. Did you call, um, Boris? Yeah. He's not answering. Did you call a plumber? Well, I didn't really want to. It was so late, it's really expensive, and... It's probably just your drains or pipe or something. I mean, you live right on top of us. Yeah, I wish I knew what to tell you, but no one here's taken a bath recently. Right. Find anything interesting? There's some water under here, but I can't tell exactly where it's coming from. Do you have a rag? Or some tape... like some duct tape? I might. I'll look. Who's that? She has a leak downstairs. She's trying to fix it. She's cute. You want to try this? Who's the photographer? Oh, I took that. It's a great picture. Thanks. The composition is so skillful, but it seems really spontaneous, almost like a snapshot. I think it was a snapshot. Yeah? That's what's so great about it. It has this amazing symmetry to it. It's really old. It's really great. It still seems really contemporary. Did you take all these pictures? Um, I think so. Mostly. Did you take the ones in the other room? Yeah. Over the years. Do you ever publish them or show? Is that, like, what you do? No. I did a long time ago, but not anymore. Who is this woman? She seems really intense. Her name's Greta. Luce, who's your friend? Um, sorry. What's your name? Syd. Right. Syd. Uh, Arnie, Joan, Greta. Syd. Hey. Did you get that leak fixed? I tried. We'll have to see what happens. Let us know. Okay. I will. Okay. See ya later. Yeah. See ya later. See you. That woman upstairs is a photographer. Yeah? What kind of photographer? Portraits mostly. Really. What's, uh... What's hername? Lucy. Lucy? Yeah. Lucy. Good morning. Hey. Do you have any aspirin? Uh, I think so. They were out of scones. That would help. Thanks for the tea. Sure. Harry, I was wondering if I could ask you something. Is it personal? No. Um, look, if this is a bad time... I can talk to you about it later. You're here now. What is it? Well, it's just that I met... I mean I know this amazing photographer, and I just thought that... What's his name? Lucy Krauss or Berli, or something. Never heard of her. Who's she with? Uh, I'm not sure exactly. Does she show? Oh, yeah, she's definitely shown. She does excellent work, Harry. It's mostly portraiture, but it's almost documentary. It's... No, it's more intimate than that. And her lighting has this ethereal quality to it. It's kind of like a subverted realism. Okay, well, let me know when she shows. Okay. I think you'd really like her work, Harry. I mean, you may want to consider her... I wouldn't consider her foranything without knowing who she is. I wasn't saying that you would want to consider her without knowing who she is. Bring something in. Has she done a book? I think so. Okay. Bring her book. Okay. I'll defnitely bring he rbook for you. Brilliant. Can't wait. I need you to call these people. It's delicious. Did you make it? No, I bought it. Delicious. Ma, your American Express bill is huge. What did you buy at Bendel's? It's over there in the bag. And I think they're in your size. Ma, you didn't spend six thousand on this. What, youdon't like them? Try them on. Come on. What else did you buy? I don't know. I don't remember. How can you not remember, Ma? You spent six thousand dollars. What does it matter? Nothing gives me pleasure anymore anyway. You just... You need to start keeping track of these little things. I'm almost gone. Don't I deserve a little pleasure? Of course you do. What does it matter anyway? You have yours. You get mine when I go. I'm not worried about it. So? So, what did Dr. Argold say? He said it's a miracle I'm not dead yet. Come on, Ma. How's the medication working? Are you still with the German? Greta. The German's name is Greta. God forbid in my time... my mother would let me be with a girl, let alone a German. Well, it's not your time. Jew haters, all of them. Baruch hashem we got out before. Yeah, with your money. Don't be irreverent. I'm gonna take some pictures, okay? Of what? Of me? Yeah, Ma, I want to take pictures of you. Why do you want to take pictures of me again? You don't want to talk? I'm telling you something important. You talk while I shoot. I'm listening. I told you, Lucy. It's your obligation. Who else is left to keep the name? They're gone. Everyone's gone. I don't know why you stopped pushing. Ma, you know why I stopped. Don't start with this again. Ah, you're too passive. You were always passive. Gifted and passive. Okay, big deal, I'm passive. That's the way it is. Yeah. Can we just enjoy the morning? He promised me that part and then he gave it to Hannah. If he hadn't died frst. No, it was right after Berlin Alexanderplatz. Yes. I don't remember. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Why don't you just come over? Yeah, just come over. She talks too much. Arnie, right? Right? Possibly. They're not staying all night. Hey. Sorry to bug you again. Is it still leaking? Well, it's definitely better, but it's still dripping, kinda, so... I thought we could try this. You know, I can pay for a plumber. It's really not a big deal. No, um, I think this'll do it. Yeah. Is that Greta? Hey, sweetie. Ooh, Greta. You look so sexy. Look at this bra. You waiting for us? Eat me. Yo, Greta... You have to take it in the bedroom. That girl's here again. Who? What girl? The chick with the leak. Oh. Really, it ties into Barthes' whole conception of photographic ecstasy. The way he explores temporality and memory and meaning... I mean, I know it sounds really dry in the text, but when I'm looking at your pictures, I really feel like I understand it. I don't know. Do you know what I mean? I think so. Am I going off? No. No, not at all. I haven't been deconstructed in a long time. Yeah, I bet you hate that. I don't hate it at all. What about you, Syd? Are you a photographer? No, I'm not a photographer. Just a connoisseur. Well, no, I'm an editor. I mean, I'm an assistant editor at Frame. Go into the bedroom. Why? The neighbor girl's here. That's exciting. Hey. You remember Syd. Of course. How could I forget Syd? Hey. Hey. Excuse me. Sit down. Get you a beer. I'm Greta. I live for Lucy. I mean, I live here with Lucy. Syd. You want one? Sure. That's a great picture. Thanks. All these pictures are great. Do you have a book? What kind of book? Of your work... like a monograph or a catalog or something. Nothing recent. You've never seen her book? No. That book's really old. Really. This is a great reproduction. Yeah, you know, actually we've been trying to get her out of retirement. Haven't we, Liebchen? Hey. Hey, man. Greta around? She's in the bedroom. Do you think I could borrow this book? You can have it. No, no. I'll definitely return it. No, you take it. Seriously, I don't need it. We really love these. They're modern, sexy, classic... Um... I don't think they're classic, really. Transcendent, not classic. Same thing, really. Sorry to interrupt. Just brought you your sandwiches. Thanks. We're starved. I think we spoke. I'm Dieter. Hey. Um, Syd. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you 2 had met. What did she get? Um, tuna, some kind of veggie... What's the book? Oh, this is Lucy Berliner. I just brought it in for Harry to look at. I love Lucy Berliner. Where did you get this book? She gave it to me. She gave it to you? Well, I borrowed it from her. What's the book? It's Lucy Berliner, the photographer I was talking to you about. You don't know Lucy Berliner? Oh, right. Of course, Lucy Berliner. I thought she was living in Berlin. No, she's definitely here. Is she working again? She never stopped working. I can't believe that. She was so belligerent when she left New York. Right. I remember that. I mean, the real"fuck you" to everyone who helped hercome up. You know, that was it. No explanations, nothing. How do you know her? We're neighbors. When did she get back? Uh, recently, I think. Why didn't we know about this? We should have been on top of this. Who else knows? I knew about it. I set up a meeting. Did she get back about Thursday? Thursday? Lunch on Thursday. Oh. No, not yet. Well, you better follow upon that. So, the show is at 10:30. And I told Ted that we would meet him at the bar before. Shit. I forgot about that. Uh... I really need to talk to her tonight. It's okay. Why don't you call her up? Um, no, I need to talk to her in person. Okay, so then I'll wait for you. No, it's fine. You go. Um, don't worry about it. Happy Birthday! Thank you. I'm gonna make a run. Luce, you got any? 'Cause... Yeah, in the bag. Did he say he's making a run? I think, yeah. He better be. I'll bring change. Whatever. All right. Happy birthday, bro. Thank you. And don't go getting lost, man. We're havin' a party. Who else is coming to the party? Noone. Hey, looky here. How much do we love you, baby? Zoe! Something from Siberia. Here you go, baby. Ooh, such a big box for an old man. You don't think I'm old, do you? I don't think you're old, Arnie. Oh. An animal. It won't bite. It has flaps. Looks good. It's so dead. Arn, I didn't realize you had such a skinny head. He's a lean man, baby. Defnitely big. Hey, that's not what she said. Norton can tell you that. That's not what I heard. But it's your birthday. Joan. Yeah. I might go to Berlin next week. That director keeps calling me and I said that I might come. You want me to come with you? Gimme. I don't think you should go. They're putting the wall back up. I like the way the wall is. No, but Joan, maybe you could come with me. You're gonna take 'em both? Oh, Luce will come. She loves Berlin. I don't know know. But maybe Joan would come with me. I wonder if you would come with me. You know, or stay home. I don't know. What the hell are we supposed to do? Syd. I'd need you to help me. You just stay home. I'll stay home with you. I'll play with myself. We'll be here. I'll play with you... maybe. Doing okay? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I'll just go to China. I like China. We had fabulous opium there. Didn't we, Luce? Baby? Hmm? Are you fucked up? Hmm? Yeah. Yeah? Mmm, kinda fucked up. Yeah. You seem kind of... fucked up. You want me to stop? No! Not necessarily. Hey. Are you sick? I don't know. Is it the tequila? I did a line of heroin. I don't think I'm used to it. Oh. It's, uh, sweet. I mean... What's... What's that about, Syd? I just did a line, that's all. No, I mean, is that what's so fascinating upstairs? I mean, is that what that photography woman is into? It was only a line, James. Oh. What, am I being uptight? Mm-hmm. You are, kind of. Yeah. Dominique Peugeot wants you to do a piece for the next issue. Dominique Peugeot was the receptionist at Interview. Yeah, but she's the executive editor at Frame now. She really wants you to do a piece... probably the cover. Wow. She really climbed up. This is what I was talking to you about the other night. They really want to meet with you. They want to take you to lunch on Thursday. I appreciate it, but I don't do that anymore. Don't do what? Industry work. Well, it's not industry work. I mean, it's not like an assignment... you can do whatever you want. Can I take pictures of you? Right now? No. I feel like shit right now. I'm kinda wrecked. You look really sexy, actually. I stopped working commercially 10 years ago. It was kind of a mental-health decision. Actually, no. It wasn't a decision. I just made it impossible for myself to continue. Impossible? How? I mean, what did you do? I stopped showing up. For what? I mean, why? I don't know why, exactly. I mean, why do people fuck up? It just seemed sort of punk at the time. I don't understand that exactly. I don't really know how to explain it to you, Syd. There just stopped being a line between me and work. People were glomming on to something I was doing then, and I just... got trapped. I mean, I loved the attention but I just couldn't handle the impact. I felt sort of pigeon holed... um, sort of like I couldn't breathe anymore. Does that make sense? Yeah. The people at Frame think you're an amazing photographer. They just want to see you work again. I don't think that they want to trap you. I think they want to support you. So, it's just this one woman underwater and your mother? Right. That's what I'm doing now. And who's the woman? Greta Krauss. She's a German actress. I've actually done a lot of work with her. You done with that one? Just a second. Could we have some more water, please? Right. I'm sorry, are they portraits? Right. Underwater portraits. I have to say, Lucy, I love your older work. I find the realism incredibly honest. Lucy, I think your work has a certain allure right now... a cultural currency that we'd like to explore with you. Acultural currency. Acertain cachet. If I can interrupt, Lucy, I think Dominique is saying... that the public can appreciate the rigor of your work now... the intimacy and desolation of your subjects. Lucy, we'd like to offer you the fall cover. We think the best way to bridge the gap... Well, to reintroduce... Right, reintroduce you publicly, is to revisit some of your older themes. We are thinking o fan essay, Lucy, rather free-form... sort of an examination of your friends and your life. You'd like me to examine my life. We'd like you to go back to the place where you left off. I know deadlines are a horrible sort of nuisance... but we would need to move on this immediately. Right. Well, let me think about it. We're usually not solicitous, Lucy. I mean, we receive thousands of submissions a year. But we'll putsome very promising photographers on hold for you. You know, it's flattering. And it sounds interesting. Um, but, I really have to see about my other obligations. Well, we would need a commitment from you today. Otherwise, we'd have to give the space to another photographer. It's just that close, unfortunately. It's really yours to define, Lucy. I mean, I hope we've impressed that on you. This is not an assignment. Of course, we'll help yous hape it and select images. But we really need to know now. Okay. I want to work with Syd on it. Brilliant. Syd's in the offce every day. She's involved in all of our projects. I mean, she can certainly give some feedback. We always encourage that from her. No, I want Syd to be my editor. So, did you get a raise? It's not about a raise. What do you think of this shirt? Is it too tight? No. No? I think it's sexy. How 'bout this color? You like the color? I like it. Yeah? I don't want to stay too long, okay? Okay. Really. Yeah. Syd mentioned to me that you were retired? Yeah, I stopped working for a few years. What, um... What made you decide to get started again? I don't know. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Excuse me. It was nice meeting you. Yeah, you too. I'm gonna feel so fuckin' good in about one fuckin' second. I thought that was for me, Arnie. No. That was defnitely for me. That's for you. You're such a gentleman, Arnie. You guys are so glamorous. Yeah. Hey, it's Syd. Come in. Come in. Shut the door. Cocktail? Thanks. Did Lucy tell you about our meeting? What meeting? Lucy's doing a piece for Frame. What is "a piece for Frame"? I'm shooting something for Syd's magazine. It's not just something... it's the cover. That's fabulous. Did you orchestrate that, Syd? Uh, I didn't really orchestrate it. Yeah, I brought Lucy into Frame. That's really great, Luce. You got yourself a cover. Good for fucking you. I feel good about it. You should feel great. That's fuckin' great. We should celebrate that. Are you coming? In a second. See you out there. Be right out. You wanna stop by Victor's? Sure, wait. Z, this is James, Syd's boyfriend. Hey, Zoe. James. Nice to meet you. I didn't know Syd had a boyfriend. Yeah. I didn't know either. Yeah, it was really good. Like I completely loved it. But the only thing was... Hey, excuse me. Have you seen Syd? Syd, the woman you were talking to in the corner? Oh, yeah. She's in the bedroom with Lucy. No, that's... a wonderful thing about you... your ambition, your focus. Your drive. I really love having that around me again. I didn't know how much I missed it. I can't believe you asked them about me being the editor. Why? I don't know. I just didn't expect it. I mean, they didn't expect it. It's what you want, isn't it? Yeah. Okay, Lucy? What? Greta's out. Arnie, what? Where's Greta? Lucy, in the bathroom... Greta's fuckin' out! Fuck! What the fuck are you doing to her? What does it look like? Trying to wake her the fuck up! Arnie? Okay, can you... can you move? Gimme the, uh, saline solution. Goddamn it! Agh! Watch her tongue. I know what I'm doing! Get your fuckin'... Jesus! C'mon, Greta, breathe. C'mon, Greta, wake up! Yeah, we'll be right out! She's breathing! Oh, thank God. Who put me in that fucking ice? Should I get her a blanket or something? What the fuck is she doing here? Get her the fuck out of here. Okay. Get her the fuck out. It's all right. It's all right. Fuck you, Lucy! Syd, would you... just leave! Fuck you! Fuck you! Oh, Arnie. Sweetie? Greta? Your clothes are wet. I had to help someone out of the bath. You took a bath with Lucy? No. Where were you? Where was I? I didn'tsee you leave. Yeah, that's 'cause you were in the bedroom with Lucy. How's the Berliner piece coming? Good. She's been working really hard on it. Good. We need her elements immediately. Yeah, she's almost there. You know we pushed Dieter Shulte off the cover for her. No, I didn't realize that. Well, we did, and it was incredibly difficult for him. I'm sure. I'm really expecting something outstanding from this. Definitely, Dominique. You won't regret this. Wonderful. Thank you. I'm telling Arnie to stay away. The smell of these eggs is disgusting. You know, you have a good time, and then it just turns into the same old shit. And I can't do it again. We had a bad bag or something. I don't know what happened. You know, fuck the bad bag story, Greta. Okay? Just fuck it! I had the same shit and it wasn't bad. Then why are you going off on me? Because you don't know when to stop, G. You have no limits! You get a really clean bag, and you keep kicking it back till you go unconscious! Tell that Syd to stop coming around. She's a little sycophant. A sycophant? What is that? I don't know what that is. You know what that is. She's a bootlicker, a parasite. She saved your fuckin' life. Joan threw me in that tub, and I wasn't dying anyway. When I came into that room, you weren't breathing. She's sucking you off. You're so wrapped up in her, you can't even see it. She comes in here, all cocky and eager... She doesn't know shit about us. She's a fucking teenager. Greta, would you just... would you eat that, please? I don't like you. If that's Arnie and Joan, I'm sending them away. I don't like you. I don't like you. Hey. Um, I brought some food. Is she... okay? I'm really sorry I yelled at you last night. I shouldn't have done that. Hey, it's okay. I just lost it for a minute. Really. It's okay. I'm sorry that happened. Yeah, so am I. I... I know this is a bad time, but... we really need to get something in to them. Yeah, I know. Have you been planning it out? Uh, no. I haven't been planning it out. I haven't been thinking too clearly. Okay. Well, maybe I could help you. I mean, maybe we could get a room at the Chelsea, and you could shoot portraits... or Coney Island. I mean, that's even easier. Or here. I mean, we could set it up here. Yeah. I don't work that way, Syd. I don't set things up. Well, maybe you'll have to set things up for this. I mean, we really have to get something in to them. I think I need to get out of town right now. Now. I mean, when? I mean, Lucy, we have a deadline. Okay? It's not flexible. I mean, we can't fuck this up. I mean, I can't fuck this up. Hey, we'll get something in to them. Trust me, okay? I'll get it done. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm just... Don't be sorry. Just come with me. I'm going away... I want to figure... this out. You go. No, you. Lucy asked me to go upstate with her this weekend. She's been kinda distraught... and we need to do this piece. I can't be here if you're fucking the photographer. I haven't slept with Lucy. Are you working up to it? I don't know. Well, I think you have to start knowing. I guess you're... you're really at the center of it all now, aren't you? You got your power job, you got your hipster friends. And all that access... I mean, it's the real shit. This is just what you wanted. That's what you think, isn't it? Yeah, it's what it seems like. Yeah. Well, if you weren't so fixated on that, then you might... Fixated on what? On putting me in a box. On pigeonholing me. Because I can't fuckin' breathe. What the fuck does that mean? It means that no matter what I do, you can't stop telling me it's wrong. I mean, I'm trying to get somewhere. All I get from you are these slurs about my job and the people that I've met, and how pretentious and meaningless and idiotic it is, and... You know what? It's not meaningless to me. This is what I care about. I mean, what do you care about, James? I mean really... what? You know, this restaurant has a policy about sleeping in here. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. She's just exhausted. I understand. But I'm going to have to ask you to leave... if she falls asleep again. Sure. I'm really sorry. I can't do this anymore. What? You want to break up with me again? Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk. G... I want to help you get over this. Sleep with Syd if you want. I can't tell you what to do. G, listen to me. She's such a poseur, with her stupid-ass magazine. I don't know what you see in her. You're not listening to me. I can't wait around and keep talking about when you're gonna change. You need some help, G. Look at yourself, Lucy. Is this yours? It's my mother's. The light's so nice around here. It is. It's sexy. Kinda lures you, and then it goes. Yeah. I didn't know you were bringing that. I wanted to get high with you. I don't think I want to this weekend. No? No. Okay. I mean, I don't want to do that with you all the time. Okay. We don't have to. I mean, I don't want that to be our only connection. It's not our only connection. Well, I don't want it to become like that. This make you feel better? Lucy... C'mon, Syd. What is it? Just say it. It's not the point, okay? No, no, no, Syd. What is this? Is this some kind of intervention thing, is that it? What is the point, Syd? Just be an adult. Just say it! That's not the point, okay? I don't have a point. I'm just saying it. I just don't want to be with you like that right now. So basically she left him when I was 12, and we moved back here... and he stayed there... in his house, on top of a hill. In Tasmania. In Tasmania. That's right. What does he do on his hill? I don't know. He's very mysterious. He writes letters. So who gave you the ring? Your boyfriend? No. No, my grandmother gave me this ring. It's beautiful. Thank you. Come on. This is intense. Is it? I'm not usually like this. Like what? Nervous. You okay? Yeah. You sure? Yeah. It's just you look so serious. I look serious? Yeah. I mean, I'm kinda hot. That's kinda serious. It's hot in here. No. You're hot. What should I do to you? Whatever you want to do to me. I don't really know what I'm doing. You're doing fine. Should I pinch you or bite you or something? If you want to. Is that hard enough? Is that soft enough? You okay? Yeah. Who's serious now? I know. I'm sorry. Is this weird for you? No. What? Tell me. I don't know. I think I'm kind of in love with you. Lucy, I'm sleeping. No, you're not. Get back here. I will. Wait. Est-ce que tu voudrais queje poser pour toi? No. Where are you going? I'm coming in. Just a minute. Did you go alone? No. I went with a friend. Who? The German? No, it was another friend. Syd. Syd. That's a man's name. Yeah. Well, she's definitely not a man. Is she Jewish? I don't know, Ma. Oh, well. I'm not going to be able to come by for a while. What happened? What did I do? I didn't give you enough? What? No. No, no, no! You've given me more than enough... plenty. So why can't you come? I have a... I have a small problem I have to take care of. What kind of problem? What did you do? Is it the German? Would you stop with that? The German... it's Greta, Mother. It's Greta! What did she do to you? Nothing. I did it to myself. What did you do to yourself? Come on. Tell me. What kind of problem? I don't know if... It's not really a problem. It's more of an issue. You just said a problem. Is it a problem? Now it's an issue. Is it a problem or an issue? Both. Oh. I have a... a love issue... and a drug problem. Or maybe I have a love problem and a drug issue. I don't know. God forbid. I can't help you with that. I know that. I just wanted to tell you. Would you excuse me, please? Don't walk away from me, Ma. You alone? Yeah. I missed you. I missed you too. Did you talk to her? Yeah. I did. Did you talk to James? Nope. He won't return my calls. I got a room at the Chelsea. I thought, if you shoot tonight, we can rush it through Dugall. Yeah, I have to talk to you about that. Um, I need to go back upstate right now. What are you... What are you talking about... right now? It's, like, all set up. I'm leaving tonight. That's insane, Lucy. You can't do that. Syd... No, what is this? What is this? Are you mad at me? Is this about the weekend? Did Greta say something to you? Yeah, it is about the weekend. And Greta. And everything. I can't... function like this. You know? I mean, I can't... I can't deal with you being down here... and the way things are upstairs. Do you know what I'm saying? I have to change the situation. I don't want to wait anymore. I mean, I can't. These are for you. They're of our weekend. Thanks. I want you to use them. What do you mean you want me to use them? I'm in them. I'm in all of them. Is that too hard foryou? No, no. It's fne. I'm just naked in them. Well, they wanted me to examine my life, right? Yeah. I mean, this is it. It's about you right now. I'm thinking about you. Anyway, you look gorgeous. What about the pictures of Greta? I mean, those are beautiful images. That's what you were doing before. That's what you want? These are really beautiful. This one would make a wonderful cover. This would be better. I really had an instinct about this. How did I know she was gonna do this? I thought we were very direct with her. I literally spelled it out. There's absolutely no context here. Nothing. It's completely flat. This is a nightmare. She waited till the last fucking minute, and this is what we get. These are beautiful images. I mean, the subject is different, but the quality of the work is... Syd, Lucy Berliner has been invisible for ten years. The public has a five-year memory, and that's it. Syd, if a best-selling crime writer disappeared for ten years... and came back peddling love poems, how do you think he would do? Really well, probably. It's a business, Syd. I don't want to do it. I'm calling Dieter Shulte. You can't do that, Dominique. You had an arrangement with Lucy. I have every right to do that. I'll see you at my offce. Call Dieter Shulte. Fuck. I need to talk to you about Lucy Berliner. Let's just move forward, Syd. I want you to look at these pictures. I think that they're more of what you wanted. Syd, we're practically at press. Look, I realize that this is late, but this is her piece... this is what she wanted to use. I would like you to at least consider it. Why didn't you bring these before? I didn't think it was appropriate. Did you stage these? No. I mean, is this some kind of critique? You're her editor. No, it's not a critique, it's just what happened. It's just what happened? Well, I didn't realize that she wanted to use these when she shot them. I'm confused, Syd. Are you her sitter? No, I'm not her sitter... not formally. I mean, no, I'm not in general. Are you her lover? Yeah. Joan's gonna keep score and we're gonna start over. Joan's gonna keep score? I want to keep score. Hey! What are you doing here? Am I interrupting something? Not at all... you live here. Where's Greta? She went to get cereal. She'll be right back. We thought you were staying longer. When did you get here? Right now. What are you doing here? I live here. Why didn't you call? One of us has to go, Greta. Maybe I could just stay at Joan's for a few nights. That's not what I'm talking about. I want you to keep your account. I don't want your money. Well, I'm not just gonna abandon you, G. I wouldn't do that. What are you doing then? I mean, you just kicked me out, didn't you? What am I supposed to do now? Just get on a plane? Just go back? No, you don't have to go back. I understand... your life is here. No, it's not. I don't have a life here. I came here to be with you, so that you could have a life here. I had everything in Berlin. I had a great career. Gret... Greta, Fassbinder's dead, okay? You didn't have a career after that. You are so spoiled. You are spoiled and selfish, and you think the whole fucking world revolves around you! You're a dilettante, Lucy. That's what you are. You never worked for anything! Girls, you wanna come get something to eat? No, go on, Joan. I'll wait for you ladies. Enjoy your fight. I'll be right here when you're done. I didn't mean to say that. I really didn't. I wanted to be with you. I love you. I didn't mean to say those things. What am I supposed to do now, G? I don't know anymore. Just... be with me tonight. I'm here, G. I'm with you. I need you... at my level. It's not going to change anything. I know it won't. I just need to be close to you right now. Do you have anything? I don't know. I don't remember. Where? In there. Is this Arnie's? Yeah. I can't believe you still have this. I told you I wasn't doing it anymore. I thought you were lying. Where'd you think I'd been all week? With the teenager. Arnie? Open the door. Open the fuckin' door. Hey! Why are you in here? Hey. Arnie. Are you okay? Where's Lucy? Um, she died this morning. That is a... a really fucked-up thing to say to me. You don't know shit about me and Lucy, and I don't know what Greta has been telling you, but she is fucking gone. Just stop it, okay? No! You don't understand. It doesn't fuckin' matter! Oh, hey. The issue came back. Great work, Syd. Thanks. Great work, Syd. It looks wonderful. Every setting sun And every mother's daughter Is wanted Though I know we be But dust No, I never lost her To one Though I never cared Ooh, what good is the night to me 'Cause no one wants to play with me You'll find a letter waking up Right here Any medicine For curing' hungry lovers Though she'd never weep My wife No one ever taught her Though I never cared Ooh, what good does the night to me Who never wants to play with me And don't find the letters waking' up Right here Oh, you leave me here What good is the light to me When lights tend to fall She might be waking up Right Previously on Boston Legal. I was drug addict and I needed my father and you abandoned me. Who is this? Your granddaughter. Please welcome Mr. and Mrs. Denny Crane. Denny! Bev has hired an army of lawyers to gut this firm. An agreement has been reached in the matter of Crane vs. Crane. I will buy a house for Bev in Hawaii. You'll be the one that got away from Denny Crane. Look me up if you're ever on the big island. I am the big island. Denny, they're doing some sort of renovations at my hotel. I was wondering if I could spend the night at your place. Stay as long as you need. ...believe that 24% of married couples, which to me is a very large number, do not sleep in the same bed. Yeah... yeah... listen to me. Yeah! Denny, you're ready to go? And they say it has nothing to do... And they're happy about it with not being compatible with a person. You want to get a good night's rest... Denny, you must go to work. It's hump day, your favorite day. I don't have a favorite anything anymore. Listen, I understand the need to retreat into oneself after a failed love affair, but you haven't gone to work in three days. You've been in that bed for two. You're drinking... scotch at 9:00 in the morning. And most disturbingly, you're watching "The View". Leave me alone. Hey! hey! hey! same team. Same team! Consider this an intervention. It's no use, Alan. Nothing interests me anymore. Construction worker Russell Blayney... arrested for attempted murder for setting a booby trap in his home to catch burglars. Miguel Dominguez allegedly broke into Blayney's house and received a reported 50,000 volts of electricity through his body, paralyzing him from the waist down and leaving us all with the question... Russell Blayney... victim or vigilante? In other news today... That case... I want that case. I see your bliss is back as well. Your honor, the commonwealth moves that bail be denied. Mr. Blayney is charged with attempted murder and is an obvious flight risk. If I may, my client... Your honor... I need a moment with my client. You don't have a client here, Mr. Crane. Count to ten, judge. Mr. Blayney, do you know who I am? Yeah, you're Denny Crane. I've seen you on "Larry King". You're famous. So who would you rather have as your attorney... me or, uh, hacky McGuilty Verdict here? I've faced him before, you'd rather have him. Don't feel bad, son. Take a big man to recognize a bigger man. We're waiting, Mr. Crane. Uh, I move for a continuance, your honor. I just got the case. Shirley, first thing in the morning, even haven't had my coffee. Normally I'd make a witty retort about caffeine and your aging reproductive system, but not today, Alan. I have a problem. Karl Hauser died this week. The photographer. I knew him years ago. We hadn't been in touch for some time, but... well, he's dead. I'm sorry. I met Karl when I was a sophomore at Wellesley. I spent the summer in Manhattan, and we met in the West Village. He was this amazing, fascinating man, and he told me I was very pretty. And... I did some modeling for him. Please tell me this is going where I think it's going. Yeah, it is. Karl took some very tasteful black and white nudes of me. I am so disappointed in you, Shirley. "Tasteful"? There's going to be an estate auction. And I want you to find a way to block the sale of those photographs. How many pictures are we talking about? I think there were 15, maybe 20... That's not so many. rolls of film that he used. I am so glad I came into work today. Down, boy, this is serious. Karl promised me that he wouldn't show the photographs to anyone. However, I signed a standard release saying that he could show them to... everyone. Why are you so worried about this, Shirley? You were young. Young people do all sorts of things. And now you wear clothes to the office every single day. Shocking as it may seem to you, Alan. I like my privacy. Maybe I'll want to be a federal judge someday. And being a named partner at a prestigious law firm... Well, it's not good for business. I'll give you my best effort. Of course, at some point, I will have to examine the evidence thoroughly. Oh! Here they are. Oh, sorry we're late. No, problem. Fiona, say hello to grandpa. Hi, paw paw. Hi. Hello, sweetheart. I guess you're paw paw form now on. Well, that's one of the nicest names I've ever been called. We were almost out the door. She insisted on wearing the red cowboy boots. I finally said okay. And of course, then we could only find one, and we finally found the other one on top of the refrigerator. Oh! And you get to where it's pointless to ask how it got on top of the refrigerator. You just grab it and go. I, uh, I took the liberty of ordering coffee and some hot chocolate. Oh, thanks so much. We can just stay a second. It's Fiona first day at Happy Duck Day Care. Ah! is that a good place? But don't let the cheesy name fool you. They're great. I went to so many places. I had a checklist I used.. ah, yeah, here it is. Ah, well, let's see what we have here. "Childcare Question". "Are They Licensed and Monitored?" "Do They Afford Opportunities for Both Active and Quiet Play?" "Is the Staff Trained in C.P.R.?" "Do the Kids Appear Happy?" Rachel, this is a very thorough list. Well, she's my daughter. Where are my keys? It's in your pocket. Yap, here they are. Dad, in all the cowboy boot madness this morning. I lost my ATM card somewhere. You think you could loan me 40 bucks? No, problem. You know, um, Rachel, if you're in a hurry to get to work, I can drop Fiona off at, uh... Happy Duck, is it? Oh, thanks. We'll make it okay. Fiona, we have to go. Thank paw paw for your hot chocolate. Thanks, paw paw, for my chocolate. You're very welcome. Thanks, dad. Bye, darling. See ya. Bye bye. Bye bye, Fiona. Bye bye. By your look, it's not good. I believe Rachel's using again. She's back on crystal meth. What proof do you have? We were supposed to meet at 8:00... coffee shop near her apartment. She showed up 20 minutes late with Fiona in tow. Was harried, disorganized. She couldn't find her keys. Paul, you have just described every single working mother in America. Then she asked to borrow $40. Crystal meth users live their lives in $40... increments, cash. Paul, this is a very serious accusation, and you need to be absolutely certain before you make it. I know. If I'm right, and I do nothing, Fiona could be in danger. If I act and I'm wrong, Rachel will never speak to me again. She'll cut me out forever. What do I do? You've lived through a lot with Rachel, and this relationship you're developing with her now is very new. You might want to ask yourself if your history with Rachel's drug use is causing you to overreact. Just think about it. You, Blondie, you're on my team. If you've seen the news, you know what a travesty this is. A man arrested for defending his own home. it's a farce, and not the funny kind. This is one serious farce. May I ask what we're pleading? It seems self-defense... Don't like that kind of thinking. That's defensive thought. We've got to strike first. Preempt them. What'd they say in the news... "Victim or vigilante"? It's neither. This is Russell Blayney... hero. You want to try this case in the press? Exactly. I want to grab the public's attention. With a story, a character, a narrative, we have to create our own reality. You, young punk, you must know computers. Set up a web site, one of those blobs... "Justice for Russell Blayney". And you, Denise, you'll be my second. You look good on camera. Karl Hauser's widow is here. Straightforward, standard release Karl used for all his models. A lifetime of papers and contracts, and you manage to find mine. God bless the organized. And there's no mistaking your signature. I'm so sorry. It's just, here you are. I may cry. He loves art. Marguerite, I'm sorry, but your husband was an adult. A famous man of the world. And I was an immature kid who did not understand the document she was signing. There was no meeting of the minds here. So this contract, I'm afraid, is not binding. As I recall, was not your minds that met. If you were old enough to screw my husband, you were old enough to understand what you were signing. Your husband talked me into doing quite a few things I didn't understand. Tell me, why should I do something nice for you? And don't say because you did something nice for my husband. What do you intend to do... with the photos? Half of Karl's collection is already promised to the museum of modern art in New York. I intend to auction off the other half. Including those photos. Your pictures will be going on the block. I need a favor... a very important, very personal favor. Of course. After an extended absence, I have recently reconnected with my daughter Rachel, and I've learned that I have a beautiful granddaughter named Fiona. Congratulations, Paul. My daughter is a drug addict. Or at least, she was. She says she's clean now, but I have my suspicions. If she is using again, then my granddaughter could be in danger. My specialty isn't family law. But what I know... No, no, you misunderstand. I don't want your legal advice. I want you to find out if my daughter is using drugs again. Brad... if this year has taught me anything, it's that you will get the job done by any means necessary. I would never ask this of you unless it was essential. Absolutely. I'll do what I can. What have you got? The 26th amendment. Karl Hauser was taking naked pictures of me, not denying me the vote. The 26th amendment, which not only extended the right to vote to 18 year olds, but also persuaded the states to grant them status as adults, was ratified in 1971. The photos were taken in 1966. Which, by the way, is my new favorite year. And now mine as well. I wasn't 21 when I signed that agreement. I was legally a minor, and therefore can repudiate the contract. And I am an idiot. Why didn't I think of this sooner? I'm going to credit karma or Freud. Either way, it's because I was destined to discover and revel in the natural wonders of all that is you. Uh, excuse me. I'm looking for some books on addiction and recovery. Uh, yeah, they're in the self-help section right over there. Thanks. Is there, you know, one book that's better than the others? This way. This one has some good advice on the early stages, when you're detoxing and... and all that wonderful stuff. And, uh, this one is really good for that time rights after you've stopped. When you're trying to figure out how to put your life back together. Well, you know a lot about this. Well, clean five years, three months and seven days. It's hard, but when you're ready, you can get there. Thanks. Sure. Uh, what time do you get off work? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not coming on to you. I was just hoping that we could talk some more. I've sort of run out of people to talk to. I get off at 7:00. Thanks. Sure, I'm Rachel. I'm Brad. Nice to meet you. You're buying those, right? Oh, right, right. I, uh, I hang sheetrock, mostly for industrial buildings. A craftsman. He works with his hands. Write that down. What else? Oh, well, I live alone. Jamaica Plain. My ex-wife left me the house. It's not a bad neighborhood. But it does border one, and it's vulnerable because I have those old fashioned lever windows. I can't afford an alarm system. I've been broken into four times in the last two years. Drug addicts, they take everything. They took my TV, my bike my power tools, my guitar. Musician. He writes the songs. Uh, but, uh, what finally did it for me was when I was building an end table for my father for his television remote, his nebulizer 'cause he has, uh, some asthma. And I'm halfway done, and some guy breaks into the house and he.. and he steals my table saw. My table saw! I mean, that was it. That's... that was all I could take. I'm not into guns. Don't write that down. But I, uh, I knew that I... I had to do something. So that's when I rigged up my little system. You know, just a little jolt, you know, send them a little shock. Tell us what happened that night. You were at home? Yeah, I was awake, actually. Um, I was putting some dishes away in the dishwasher. And I heard some noise on the porch. And I thought, here we go, this is it. So I moved into the living room. So you saw him? Yeah, he was looking right through the window. He's a big wetback, you know? Latino. Drug addict, I, He was completely high. I could see it in his eyes even from inside the house. And then what happened? Well, he... he starts for the window. Now I don't know if you've ever seen anyone on crystal meth or acid or, I don't know, whatever this guy was on. But, you know, they're big and they're ugly. And they feel like they're invincible. So, he... he starts trying to pry open the window with a screwdriver or something. and, uh... you know, that was it. The electricity went up the screwdriver into his body. He... he completed the circuit. Sound horrible. Honestly, you know, it wasn't. I mean, watching this guy. It was, it was like watching every guy who broke into my house over the years and took from me, stole my stuff. I mean, he was just getting what he deserved, right? Let me tell you the most unbelievable thing. Did you know that when you get electrocuted, you know, your blood literally boils? Right inside the veins. That's how the electricity flows through your body, through you veins! And so here's this guy. He's a wetback. But I could see his veins are glowing through his skin as he was being charred from the inside out. And I... I could smell his flesh burning. Which was weird. It smelled like a... a roast. A well deserved, cooked roast. That's when I, You know. Finally turned off the electricity, when he was good and done. Well, so much for putting our hero on the stand. Oh, he's on the stand, all right. Denny, with all due respect, the man was practically wearing a bib with a knife and a fork in each hand as he was telling that story. Denise, never give up an option. The man was alit with passion, the kind of passion that moves juries. So? So he tell the story, not necessarily all his story, but the part we want to tell. We're the ones creating the narrative. Are you kidding? Were you kidding about wanting to get straight? No. Thank you, Patrick, and keep coming back, buddy. Um, are there any other new members here today? Brad... would you like to share? Uh, no. I'm new. It'll make you feel better. Right, uh... Hi, uh... Say your name. I'm Brad. I'm a drug addict. Hi, Brad. Um, I'm not used to talking in public. Well, actually, I am, just not talking about myself. Wow. you're just going to let me keep going. Okay. I was in the marine corps during the first Gulf War, operation Desert Storm. February 24, 1991. I was a Lieutenant in second reconnaissance battalion of the first marine expeditionary force. Under enemy mortar, artillery and small arms fire, we breached minefields, trenches, barbed wire and disabled six enemy divisions. By the morning of the 28th, from a hundred hours after the ground operations had begun, our coalition forces had destroyed 42 enemy divisions. That's the bulk of the Iraqi army in the Kuwaiti theater of operations. So then I started using drugs. Denny, you're shiny... and in a wedge. My team, Alan. I'm back and I'm feeling it. I've realized a truth about myself. I just love... power. Well, it seems to have a thing for you as well. It's m natural state. It's my homeostasis. Don't read anything into that remark. I already did. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. It works if you work it. So work it! See you soon. That was a nice story. Uh... thanks. Too bad it was a lie. I won the war, then started using? I've been coming to these meetings every day for five years. If you didn't want to share your problems, you should've just passed. Oh, sharing's not really my thing. It's probably just how I was raised. Doesn't mean you can't change. I was raised the same way. Really? Yeah, my mother was warm, but my father kept every emotion tightly tucked away in his suit pocket. Right next to his watch. It's not always that easy to open up. Ah, but it is. You just say what's on your mind. Instead, my dad... always the attorney. He'd just sit back and play little games. You know, letting out information with his obtuse questions. And on the rare occasion when he would open up and talk to me, he wasn't happy unless I told him what he wanted to hear. You know, being him... I think it's a hard way to live. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry. Well, buy me a cup of coffee and I might forgive you. Great. And therefore, at age 19, Ms. Schmidt was, in fact, a minor. There was no parental consent here, So, in essence, your husband was illegally taking nude photographs of an underage girl. You make a legitimate argument, Mr. Shore. Not my favorite kind, but I'm glad to play for that team when necessary. And you could certainly take us to court and fight this battle with that argument. We will if we have to. However, I believe our goal was to get these photos out of the public eye. I'm afraid with a court battle, a very public court battle, these photos could find their way to the press. Before that could happen, of course, we'd ask the court to seal all exhibits and issue an appropriate gag order to prevent disclosure. And you'd win, but you know what? Thanks to the internet, winning doesn't matter anymore. These photos could somehow find their way onto the web, then all around the world, and then where would you be? Marguerite. Marguerite. Oh, I'll be right out. Alan. I'm sorry. Thank you. Marguerite... Those pictures... I have grandchildren. The thought of them seeing those photographs... I understand. I'm sorry. Your honor, Mr. Dominguez's prior burglary convictions and history of drug abuse have no bearing on whether the defendant improperly electrified his home. Nonsense. This felon was higher than a kite when he got zapped. He has six prior convictions for larceny, burglary and grand theft auto. Of course it's relevant. The prejudicial effect of the victim's prior criminal activity... Your honor, my client is a victim here. I don't under... Clearly outweighs any probative value such evidence would have for the jury. Enough. Mr. Ginsberg is right. The evidence is highly prejudicial and will be barred at trial. Mr. Crane, you may not bring up Mr. Dominguez's prior bad acts unless the door to impeachment has been opened. Before answering any questions, I want to thank my client Miguel Dominguez for bravely agreeing to be here today. Mr. Dominguez suffers from severe paralysis and a host of other debilitating symptoms as the result of his electrocution. Nevertheless, he is here today to stand up for all of us, to help in the fight to make our country a safer place, a place where citizens do not take the law into their own hands. Mr. Dominguez is an inspiration to his community. He is a hero. Thank you. That bastard stole my story. What about branding? I haven't branded yet. No branding? No, no, not. Denny. Denny. Oh, uh, Denise Bauer. Candy Springtime, public relations. Hello. Hi. She's with, uh, Sherling Thompson. The same, uh, public relations firm the government uses. So you know she's good. Denise, we're rolling out a new campaign to take back the story on Mr. Blayney. Ya... "Take back the story"? Oh, Denny tells me that you haven't branded him yet. So I took the initiative and created a brand. Russell Blayney, American Homeowner. "American Homeowner"? Simple. It's to the point. And cozy. Say it for me, Denny. Press conference voice. Russell Blayney, American Homeowner. Now wait a minute, wait a minute. American Homeowner, Russell Blayney. See, it works both ways. Versatile. But do we really think that we need to label Mr. Blayney? Denny? Uh, Denise Rodney King. Rodney King, uh, severely beaten by the police over ten years ago. See, you remember, why? Branding. They didn't call him Rodney King... wife beater, alcohol abuser, who swung a tire iron at a convenience store clerk. They called him Rodney King, motorist. Or motorist Rodney king. Brings to mind images of a jaunty man in a riding hat and cap in a model T. That's what we want. Russell Blayney, American Homeowner. Not Russell Blayney eats them broiled, baked or fried. But Rodney King was beaten. Okay, now this is just a mock up. Obviously, we will replace Jimmy Stewart with Mr. Blayney. But the banner can and should be behind you every press conference, Denny. Notice I used the same font as "Mission Accomplished". Americans are comfortable with that font. Now we will send B-Roll of Mr. Blayney to the press, working in his garage, using his table saw, working with his power tools, fixing things around the house. And as far as the talking points, keep it simple, Denny. Speak of the opposition as the drug crazed intruder, the incident as the harrowing home invasion. Now I know you're tight with Larry King. But we are negotiating with "Nightline," "Hardball" and "The Daily Show". That is where most Americans get their news. There's no way we're gonna win this, is there? Legally, yes, there is, as for accomplishing your goals, no. But when you have occasion to ask for my help, Shirley. Typically, it's not really legal help you're looking for. I'll assume this is no exception. Alan, I've already caused Marguerite Hauser as much pain as I care to. I'll leave the creativity to you, just don't hurt her. America is under siege, not from Saddam or pro-terrorists, but from namby pamby pro-burglary advocates who want to strip us of the right to protect what's ours. That's what our... Looks like Denny's being Denny. He's "creating the reality". I doubt many people would want to live in Denny's reality. All I know is there are two rotten guys in this case, and both sides are trying to make theirs as the hero. If you've got a problem with this case, I suggest you talk to the guy whose name is on the door. I'm not naive, Paul. I know this kind of manipulation goes on all the time. But I'm an attorney, not a spin doctor. Oh, yes, you are. We all are. That's what attorneys do... tell stories, create characters, capture an audience, try them make them feel what we want them to feel. That's good lawyering. Only these days, everybody's trying to get in on our act... The government, the corporations. There are no facts anymore, kiddo. Only good or bad fiction. which story do you plan to sell the jury? Don't you worry. This case will never go to trial. Mr. Shore, with all due respect. You are on our last nerve. You said you had an intriguing offer. Get to it. Delighted. First, how about we ask all the lawyers to leave the room? You're a lawyer. Okay. How about all the lawyers who aren't me? Here it is, then. Simply put... it's Shirley Schmidt. As much as I admire and respect her, if I don't resolve this case, I'm afraid she'll get nervous and fall back on old habits. She'll call in the old guard, one of the cronies in banking and finance, someone who smells like old pipe smoke and hair tonic, someone with a florid nose from too many old fashioned at lunch down the street. And this fella, whoever he is, will have friends. Friends who work in banks, who probably shouldn't, who don't treat confidential information very confidentially. And then, Marguerite, the old crony will discover how deeply in debt you are. And once he learns this, my replacement will make a few phone calls, write a few letters and seek out your husband's most distant and forgotten relative. Perhaps a less fortunate cousin who always admired but could never afford one of your husband's beautiful artworks. And my replacement will reach out to him and commiserate and convince him to contest your husband's will. At which point, your husband's estate will be tied up. Well, it could be for years, decades, really. And if this replacement of mine turns out to be this fella I'm thinking of, it could get really ugly. For such a vague man, you've been extraordinarily clear, Mr. Shore. Yes, and here's the thing. I just don't like the way these people operate around here. It's just not right. These photographs are yours to do with what you please, and you should get a fair market price. So, before I simply give up and call it a day... I'd like to ask you one question. And what is that? What is your price? Have you made contact with Rachel? I did. I told her I was a drug addict. And? She took me to a narcotics anonymous meeting, told me that if I wanted to get clean, that I needed to work the program. So, she's no longer using? No. She's been clean for five years. I mean, she's calm, rational, straightforward... very down to earth, as a matter of fact. Fine. Thank you, Brad. You know, Paul, for what it's worth, she really wants to have a relationship with you. And I with her. And you know what might help? Is if you showed her a littlie faith. She might pick up on that. I beg your pardon? Well, she says that sometimes, you can be very... judgmental. Brad while your efforts are fully appreciated, your advice to a father concerning his daughter is not. You have no idea the years I've spent dealing with my daughter's illness. So it would behoove you to be more circumspect. I'm sorry. That was over the line. But, I mean, Paul, the truth is you've got. Really, a hell of a daughter. She's sweet, she's beautiful, nothing rattles her. Even when she lost her ATM card... I would've panicked. But she was really cool. What are you talking about? Oh, Rachel lost her ATM card. So I loaned her 40 bucks. Dad. I had a lunch meeting nearby. Well, how very impromptu of you, and unusual. Yes, well... people can change. Yes, they can. Come on in. Can I get you something to drink? No, no, I... I thought I would take Fiona to the aquarium if that's all right with you. Yeah, I... I pick her up from day care in 20 minutes. Good, I'll go with you. Sure. May I use your bathroom? Through there. You have a child. A child! This is my house. How long? You came here and you set me up. You will not ruin her. You have ruined everything and everyone you've ever come in contact with. I hate you. You will not do this to my granddaughter. I hate you. You bastard! Is counsel prepared to begin voir dire? We are, your honor. The commonwealth may begin. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I'm assistant district attorney Ginsberg. Now as we begin to pick our potential jury members, I just want to get to know a bit about you. First off, by a show of hands, how many of you have heard about this case on the news? I see. And how many of you have seen opposing counsel Denny crane on the news? Juror number seven, can you tell us what opinions you've formed? I think people should be allowed to defend their homes. Like Mr. Crane said, if the guy didn't want to get hurt, he shouldn't have been robbing anyone. Commonwealth challenges juror number seven for cause. No objection, your honor. Juror number seven, you are excused. I've worked hard to become an American Homeowner. If the guy tried to break into my place I'd do the same thing. I'd want to kill the son of a bitch. It's my right as an American Homeowner. I may live in an apartment, but I still consider myselfan American Homeowner. American homeowner. American homeowner. American homeowner. American homeowner. God bless America. Your honor, with his television appearances and theatrics, Mr. Crane has tainted the jury pool to such an extent that the commonwealth moves for a change of venue. Denied, Mr. Ginsberg. You both have manipulated the media coverage of this case, only Mr. Crane has done a better job of it. You will play in the sandbox that you built. Shirley, Blondie, join me. I'm happy to inform you there's going to be a plea bargain in the American Homeowner case. How do you know? Today, my office has indicted city councilman Adam Patrick on charges of accepting bribes and illegal campaign contributions. He has agreed to surrender at his arraignment. He's changing the narrative. We're yesterday's news. You got to hand it to him. The guy's good. He's creating his next reality. I wonder what he's gonna put on the table. No jail time. How can you be so sure? Years of experience. And he called a half an hour ago. What are you going to do with those? I haven't decided. You know the one where you're not quite sure what you're looking at, then you take a step back and realize what it is? That one may be going in the powder room. Alan... Tell you what... I'll leave them to you when I die. As things stand, I'm quite sure I'll pass on before you. Show those pictures to anyone, and I'll see to it myself. Shirley, I have no intention of sharing those with anyone. I'm keeping you all to myself. I give you my word. You're one of the few people for whom I know that to be true. Thank you. No, thank you. I understand congratulations are in order. Never lost, never will. I may not be the Denny Crane I once was, but until today, I didn't realize that this Denny Crane might be even better. Opposing lawyers everywhere are quaking in their custom fitted shoes. Damn right, they are. So who cares if she... Who cares... You're still upset about Bev. What I don't understand is, I was married to one of my wives for five years, got over her in a day. Bev and I were married for three hours, and yet... And yet? Do you know that I even have memories of her that aren't sexual? I'm sure you do. I miss her. I miss her. Well, are the rumors true? You have naked photos of Shirley? Ah, come on. What's the big deal? I've had naked photos of Shirley for years. Denny, she's asleep in all these. Here's one where she woke up. Have you ever seen a beautiful, naked woman look that angry? ♪♪ Look, I didn't- - I didn't mean it to be this way. This- - Every- - The reasons why I'm leaving are on this tape. It points out the six points of why I think... our relationship is doomed and why I'm leaving it. You can watch it later. I was gonna mail it, but now- - I'll just give it to you now. Are you taking your VCR, or did you leave that upstairs? I bought the VCR! I'm taking my VCR! I bought- - It's the only thing I'm taking. What is that on top of the car? Is that a futon on top of the car? That's- - That's our futon. That's my futon. I'm takin' the-- Can I please take the futon? Please? Violence is not the answer! Get in the car! Don't be drivin' back here in a couple days, okay? I'm not going through this over and over and over. I-I-I'm not- - That's on the tape. I-I think that's point number four on the tape... because I have my vision, you have your vision, and I'm leaving, because the Tantoonis need me. The who? The Tantoonis. What is- - It's an Indian tribe. It was in the newspaper. It was on CNN! You don't even watch TV. You don't read the paper. You don't know what's going on in the world! That's one of my reasons. That's point one! You can't just walk out, Sean. Listen, listen. I'm gonna go, and I'm not coming back. - Take Fidel. - Please take Fidel. I'm not taking Fidel, Sean. I'm not taking your fucking cat! I don't have the time and energy to take care of the cat. I have to go and get something accomplished. That cat will be in the way-- Ow! I am a man of peace! You are a woman of violence. I'm not a man like that. And you're turning me into that man- - That's like point number eight. I don't know-- Hi. Good night. Good night, Erin. Have a good night. Dr. Kravitz, you have a visitor in the main lobby. Dr. Kravitz, a visitor in the main lobby. Do you guys know Bob, that security guard from the lobby? Mmm, he's really something, huh? Yeah. He asked me to go to this little soiree with him on Saturday, to the aquarium, 'cause that's where he used to work, and then yesterday... he drops, like he mentions, that Rick hit on him last summer. Oh, he didn't say that! I only flirted. It was his uniform. I couldn't resist! I know, but the thing is, he said some really mean and nasty things about you, and it made me feel really bad. All right, so he's a homophobic prick. So what else is new? Story of my life. I already said yes, that I would go. You left me the witches' costume? Honey, it's you! Thank you very much. I really appreciate it. You're confused, honey. What would you do if you were me, Erin? Well, you want to get out of it? Yeah. Tell Bob that you're meeting... a friend and her "date" at the party. When her date doesn't show up, she gets really upset, she wants to leave. You need to take her home, and then you're out. That's it. It's really simple. Men are really easy to trick. - Or treat-- you witch! - That's perfect! I need a friend, though. I have no friends, so, Erin, will you please go with me and be my friend? - No. I hate parties. - Yes! You always have a reason. Please come with me? Oh, Erin, you have just got to go! I mean, what man could resist the wicked witch of the west wing? Listen, my mother is in town this weekend. I don't have any time. I have to be with her. Yeah, okay, well. Wait a minute. My mother is in town this weekend. Yeah, I'll go. Oh, thank you! Trick or treat! Mama! Mama! Oh, oh, honey! Mama! I want my daddy! Mama! Daddy! - I found it. - You haven't got much Wordsworth, have you? No. I'll let you have that one half price. Oh, shoot! Got it? - Yep. - There you go. No, no, no. Don't close it. You should never close a book until you've read something from it. What? Just a sentence or a word. It can be very, very revealing. Just read something, anything. Read from the top, then. "When from our better selves we have too long been parted by the hurrying world, "and droop, sick of its business, of its pleasures tired, how gracious, how benign is Solitude." ♪ Quiet chords from my guitar ♪ Floating on the silence that surrounds us ♪ ♪ Quiet thoughts and quiet dreams ♪ ♪ Quiet thoughts by quiet streams ♪ ♪ And a window that looks out on Corcovado ♪ ♪ Oh, how lovely ♪ ♪♪ Hi, it's Mom. I fly in at 9:30 tomorrow morning, so I'll see you at the gate. Hope we can have a little fun tomorrow night. Kick up our heels or something? Airport Station next. Change here for the airport terminal shuttle. Next stop, Airport. Change here for the Logan Airport terminal shuttle. The airport shuttle service is located... up the escalator, to the left. Inbound train approaching. This is Airport Station. Stay clear of the doors. ♪♪ ♪♪ Aquarium Station next. Next stop, Aquarium. Welcome to the Boston Aquarium, home of Myrtle, the turtle, and Puff, the balloonfish. What's expanding faster than Puff, the balloonfish? We are- - The North Addition-- Coming in 1999. Watch us grow! Hey, you guys? Who is this? That is... Fred Astaire? No, no, no. This is Burgess Meredith. Remember? I was telling you this yesterday. You have to recognize that marking there. By his neck? I knew it. Well, he escaped from the tray again last night. Oh, don't worry about it. That's okay. I mean, they always escape. Hey, Ben. How you doin'? Hey, Yuri needs you for a second down in pumps. He has another pipe leak. I-I-I can't, Ben. I'm diving in two minutes. It's a two-minute job-- for you, anyway! Hey, Ben. Did you have a chance to go over the Assistant Aquarist application I put in? Okay, nothing's been decided. But you're still in the running. All right. Thanks, Ben. The dolphin show begins in-- Ahh, good! I'm a volunteer diver, not volunteer plumber, Yuri. This is the last time I'm comin' down and doin' you a favor, all right? I'm not getting paid for this. I don't want to be down here helping you. No moreski. Ahh... I do- - I do you favor. Yuri, first of all, what's this? You have, like, half a gasket in here. Where's the other half of the gasket, huh? Bye! ♪♪ So, there isn't a problem. Just fax it to the hotel. I'll sign it, and then I'll fax it back. All right. Now, darling, you weren't there. And this gentleman- - I was there, Mom. Your plane was early. Well, whatever. I didn't see you, and I thought you weren't gonna make it, so this very lovely man offered me a ride, and so I took it and I'm sorry, Okay, forget about it. but I did leave you a message on the machine. It gave me some time to walk around. I went to the aquarium. Wait a minute. Hold on. Let me make it up to you. My latest acquisition. What do you think? Blinding teeth. Well, he's available. What? They're not all gay, you know. Piper! Darling! Oh, hi! Oh, my God! It's good to see you! I have never, ever seen you in red. What has happened? Oh, this isn't red. This is Hollywood black. You look great. And this- - Look at this. This is my latest find. He is going to be the biggest thing ever. Isn't he big now? Oh, yes, you know, he is. It pays the tuition. Tuition? - I'm in med school. - Really? My daughter went to medical school. Yes, Harvard. Harvard. Yes. She didn't want to continue. I didn't finish. She didn't finish because it was her choice not to finish. She had the highest grade point average of any female at Harvard. No, I didn't. Yes, she did. - No. No, I didn't. - Yes, you did. Piper. I did not! - So, what are you doing now? - I'm a phlebotomist. You-You study insects? She is not a phlebotomist. She is a registered nurse, a profession... her late father esteemed very highly. And she's a very good one. I'll see you later. It's inevitable to see you later. Bye-bye, Rory. Good luck to you. He'll need it. So, how's the old place? It's quiet. Hmm. Renovations? We never finished. Hmm. Have you really been by yourself ever since that-- That, that Marxist left? - He was an activist, Mother. - Well, it's the same thing. I must say I was delighted when I heard you gave him his walking papers. Sean left me, Mom. No. And you let him? Did I have a choice? Dear, sweetness, light of my life. With men, you always have a choice. Well, you didn't. Mmm. Mmm. I'm sorry, Mom. I don't know why I said that. - It's okay. - There's no comparison. You're right. Loss is loss. It's the same thing, either way. You know what I think your father would have wanted? I think he would want you to move on, find yourself a new man and be happy again. - Ihappy. - Well, there's no crime in showing it, is there? Look, Mom. I know that you don't think that a woman... can be alone and be content. What are you talking about? This is me you're talking to. Of course, I do. Oh, come on. You are never alone. You're always surrounded... by all these people. Listen, what are we going to do tonight? I had an idea. Um, thought maybe Dodge and I would come over... to the old apartment and have some cocktails- - Dodge? - Dodge! - Who is Dodge? The gentleman I met at the airport. I told you this! You never listen to me! His name is Dodge? His name is Dodge, and we thought we'd take you out tonight. - I have a date. - Dodge and I thought we would have some drinks-- What? I have a date. You have a date! Goddamn you. What have I been carrying on about? Who with? Who's it with? Come on. A girl from work. This is Wonderland Station... in the Wonderland commuter parking lot. A quarter-pound of pecorino, please. The price of cheese. Reporter Arnie Reisman has been following that story. It's only the latest in a series... of anonymous acts of vandalism that began last month during the Boston Aquarium's... prolonged legal battle with Lesser Construction. Yesterday, Lesser Construction lost its bid... to build a state-of-the-art mausoleum... on this waterfront lot, now officially, future home of the aquarium's North Addition. I want to congratulate Miss Shebola and the aquarium... for getting the approval for their Addition. Now, the good people of Boston will have a place to cavort with fish, instead of a place to properly, hygienically, not to mention economically, bury their loved ones. Now, this will not send our company, in any sense, into any kind of financial distress. We're now in the business of building privately run, for-profit, commercial prisons. There's no need to tell you how successful they are. What about the allegations that you're behind the aquarium vandalism? That is very- - I've heard-- That's ridiculous. I love fish. They're good creatures. I've nothing against them. Are you worried that you're going to wind up in the same prison you're building? Is that funny? That's enough! - You're actin' like an idiot! - Stupid! I am not acting like an idiot! No, you're not actin' like an idiot. You just don't fuckin' listen! Who do you think you are, leavin' here? You're actin' like- - Take it easy! Hey, hey, hey, cut, cut, cut! Will you guys please shut up? - What is the matter with you? - Sorry. We had an argument, all right? I'm sorry. Try to keep it down. Will you please try and keep it down? He's trying to study. - Have a little respect. - Who cares what other fuckin' people say? You moron! I'm not an idiot, you are! Man! ♪♪ ...their continued support for the protesters, said they now prefer to negotiate with developers. This is Renita Harrow, BSN News. I don't give a damn! And it is with pride that I pronounce... that when construction finishes on the North Addition in 1999, Boston will again have... the nation's premiere public aquarium. Let us christen this voyage tonight, leave the port, move forward, put the bad water behind us. On behalf of myself and Puff, our little fish mascot, Frankie, get me a drink. - You got it, Arty. - Enjoy the festivities. Thank you. ♪ I was born into the willows ♪ ♪ I'm in love with you for you ♪ ♪ And a word for the emotion is it fa-so-la-te-do ♪ ♪♪ So, what kind of an idiot would blow off a woman like you? He's a bastard. Let me tell you something about this guy. He's a little acey-deucey. You know what I mean. No straight guy... in his right mind would blow off a woman like you. Yeah, well, I guess it wasn't meant to be. I don't know. I think I'm gonna go home. No, wait. What do you say I go with you? You're alone, I'm security. I mean, she and I, we're not even involved. As far as I'm concerned, Bob, there is no security. Only security guards. Hey! Hello. Hey, Erin. Could I just have a minute? Certainly. Certainly. See you, Bob. Okay, all right. Are we done? Can we go now? Are you done? Can you go? Wait a minute. I thought that the whole point was that I would be here-- Right. But now the point seems to be... that you are really preoccupied with my date. Oh, I'm preoccupied with Bob. Hey! We havin' a good time? Hi! Hi! Cricket, what do you say we dance, right now? I'd love to. Great! ♪ When she walks she's like a samba ♪ ♪ That swings so cool and sways so gentle ♪♪ Alan! Alan! Yeah? Bob? Bob? Remember? - Bob, how are you? - This is Cricket. Cricket, Alan. Alan, Cricket. How are you? Hi. Cricket's a nurse where I work now. Over at the, uh, hospital. Uh-huh. Hey, we could have used you here last week what with the shenanigans and everything. A guy like Bob. Back in the saddle again, huh, Bob? If I were still here, that shit would never happen. - Good seeing you. - Alan. You here alone? Yes, I am. I got a chick you're not gonna believe. A hot chick, free thinker, rubbing' against the furniture right now, all by her lonesome. She's trawling' for action, begging' for somethin', and I think you're the kind of guy that can give it to her. Well, you know, Bob. I'm really quite flattered that you'd think of me, but to tell you the truth, I'm real busy at the moment. So, I'll see you later. Wait a minute. - What are you, some kind of fag? - Alan! Yo, Alan! How are ya? - Oh, shit. - I'll meet ya at the bar! Great to see you again, Bob. Good to see ya. Where ya been, buddy? Hey, I'm gettin' the feeling you're trying to avoid me. No, no, no. I'm not avoiding you, Frank. I'm very busy, you know. I've got classes. I'm volunteering here. I got a little favor I gotta ask ya. Oh, Christ, Frank. - If this is about your toilet, I can't come by every time. - No, no, no. It's flushing' like a champ since you been there. Listen, uh, maybe you can take me on a little tour. You want a little tour, Frank? Yeah. You can show me that little Poof fish that's on the news all the time. Puff, Frank. It's a puffer fish, all right? Come on. When threatened, a balloonfish... can rapidly inflate its body with water or air. Frank! Do you see where it says, "Do not tap on the glass"? All right? These are very sensitive fish. They got feelings? Yeah, they do, Frank. You know what? You're really not supposed to smoke here, so why don't we go back where we came from? And I'll just see you in a couple days and I'll give you some money, all right? You were doin' just fine when you were plumbing', Al. When you were workin' with your father, when you were a team. Look, Frank. You did me a really big favor by lending me the money... so I could go to school, but I'm a full-time student now, and it's just gonna take me a little more time. I can't give you any more time. Christ, Frank. What do you expect me to do? I don't have any money. Small favor. Do it, and I'll knock off the interest on the loan. The North Addition, coming in 1999. Certain people just want a message sent, that's all. So what is this... favor? Just eliminate the fish. That's it. - Puff? - Yeah, Puff! What, are you kidding me, Frank? There's no way. Oh, for Christ's sake, it's a goddamn, pansy-ass fish! Look at it! Ladies. You know, Frank. I can't believe that you're asking me to do this! I'm not gonna do it! But don't worry. You know what. 'Cause I will definitely get you your money, one way the other. Next Monday, I will see you. I will have your money, plus your three points, all right? Hey, Alan. Who's gonna loan you the money, your father? He's at the dog track, blowin' the two grand I fronted him last week. Biologists call it a defense mechanism, because it defends the fish against attacks by hungry predators, like sharks. Smile! Hey, looks like you just made the society page! What's your name, gorgeous? Hi, this is Erin. Please leave a message after the beep. Hi, doll. I've got some interesting news for you. Okay, now. If you look in this week's Herald-- - Hi. - Hi, sweetie, it's me. I'm in London. I just picked up a copy of the Herald. - Yeah, I know. I saw it. - What do you mean you saw it? - Who spoiled it for you? - What are you talking about? Wait a minute. Why do you have the Herald? Aren't you in London? If you'll just look at page 67, I'll be able to tell you. Wait, these are-- These are the personal ads. Just look in the middle of the second column, right between "Vivacious Vixen" and "Wasting Away." "Waiting For You. Do you believe in destiny? I do. "Be part of mine. Me: 29, five foot six. "Brains, beauty, body, all in one. "Frisky, cultured and carefree professional with zest for life. "Number one in fun! You: Sophisticated, smart... "and sumptuous success story who will make me smile. "Us: Soul mates seeking spontaneous combustion? Pervs or drunks need not apply." Darling, you sound so excited! I'm very happy! You put in a personal ad for me? I admit I did have a little help from my publicist. Oh, my God. Darling, look. If you're not going to help yourself, I feel, as your mother, that I have the right to help you... if I can. As my mother? As my pimp is more like it. Look, sweetie, it's only an option. You can access your messages by dialing a four-digit code. I gave you your birthday, 1966. You know, Ma, I would never do this. Never! And-And, who is this person? "Frisky, carefree, with a zest for I--." Oh. This is you. Isn't it, Mom? This is you. No, sweetie, it is not me. It is you. It is the you I remember, the sweet, darling, happy you... that you used to be before-- I'm sorry. I've got to get ready to go to work. I know. Listen. I just wanted to remind you, actually, about Thanksgiving in Manhattan. I won't forget about Thanksgiving, Mom. I'll be there. Feel free to bring a new friend, if you like. Yes. Here we are, ladies and gentlemen. The angler fish. This is the female, by the way. My apologies, ladies. Nature can be cruel. Can anyone tell me, out of interest, why the male is so humbly displayed? Come on, people. Wake up! Someone! Someone other than Alan. Anybody but Alan. Okay, Alan. - The, um, Ceratadeam-- - Ceratoidea. Ceratoidea has evolved so that the male is always... right there with the female, ready to inject it with the sperm. It's what you would call a symbiotic relationship. Thank you, Alan. Another amazingly accurate answer. Moving on, next snapshot, if you would. Ahh. The Coelacanth. Now, the Coelacanth... is known to be one of the most elusive of the deep-sea creatures. Julie, come here, no. Ladies and gentlemen, I stand corrected. This is probably the most elusive of the sea creatures. By sea, I mean "C" or maybe "D" or most probably "F." Sit down. Sorry. I'd like to see you in the office a little later. - You're the only one who takes notes, Alan. - Everybody takes notes. Duh. They have notebooks, and you have a-- You know, you're a tutor and you should be making sure I do things like that. Wait a minute. Julie, I'm not your tutor. Yes, you are. No, I'm not. I hired you. No, you didn't hire me. I'm just a friend. You make it sound like I'm some old man or something. Well, you gotta help me, then. I'll give you my notes, all right? Make copies of them, and definitely copy- - Let's go to the study hall now. And then you can, like, catch me up a little. No, no, tell you what. Take the notebook. Give it back to me tomorrow. I gotta see Ray about my paper. You're such a pill! What're you talking about? I'm not a-- I like a good time as much as the next guy. I'm just... not the next guy. I'll see you later. Good morning, Boston! Twenty minutes past the hour. Rick, you are definitely water. Olly, I know you're fire, all right? So, how did you two meet? Well, all right. No, no, no, no. I'll tell the story. Lettell the story. No, let me, 'cause you always lie. - I don't lie. I embellish. - Make it juicy. Just tell me! Oh, it was about four years ago. I was out on the duck tour, you know? Oh, yeah. You know, the amphibious thing that goes in the water? - Can I tell the story? Thank you. - I'm embellishing. I get seasick really easily. We were still on Newbury Street. We weren't even in the harbor yet. He's seasick. I was on the side- - I was on the side. Basically, I was getting sick. Oh, my God. Oh, but as a nurse I'm used to that kind of thing, and I took right over, didn't I? You did. I was very professional. And, I consider myself, now, the luckiest nurse in all of Boston. Except, of course, for you, Erin. Erin, this is a great shot. Correction, my dear. That is not luck. That is fate. I don't believe in fate. What? What, like there's some unseen hand leading you down the garden path? Exactly. I wish. I'm sorry, I don't believe it. It isn't necessarily unseen- - Unseen hands can be fun! I totally believe in fate. I mean, like, for instance, if Erin hadn't been at the aquarium party the other night, I never would have realized how much I wanted Bob. Ta-da! Who's Bob? This guy that I'm dating. Case in point. - You know, I heard he quit. - What? No, Bob was fired, actually. He was demonstrating how to load his gun... in the commissary-- to a small child. Yeah, well, that was, like, a total setup. I don't know, Erin. I mean, you have to believe in something, right? It makes life more fun. That's right! And Erin is the fun girl. Fun, fun, fun. Yes. All of Boston society knows it now. You look great. All right, all right. Here's one, here's one. Ready? "I am a divergent thinker with a sharp wit, but a reflective soul." Hmm? "I value quiet reads, sublime sunsets, humor, tenderness and balance." That's not a personal ad! That's a fuckin' daily affirmation! I'll find you a personal ad. Alan, are you in? What are you talkin' about? In what? Oh, it's a bet. We're all gonna reply to the same personal ad. We go out with the chick. First guy who scores gets 200 bucks from the two losers. Right on. Or three. So I guess Traci's what-- history? No, I ain't got time for a townie- - I mean, no offense, bro. None taken, bro. What do you say? You in or- - Okay, so what do you have to do to win? Well, we agreed on it. It's gotta be a French kiss. That's tongues... intermingling consensually, right? Right? Exactly. - Unforced. That means you, all right? - Yeah, unforced. Just out of curiosity, hold on a second. How will the two losers know that the winner actually won? We watch it. Right. - We'll be there. - Incognito. - Yeah. We'll be in disguise. It's gonna be great. Are you gonna be in or what? Well, no. Are you kiddin'? That's, like, the stupidest thing I've heard in my life. Of course I'm not in. Maybe it's just when you get to be my age. I realize that I can only be who I am. I can't present myself in any different way. I don't wanna meet somebody who presents herself in a different way, because then you have two people that are basically lying, gettin' together, talkin' a bunch of crap, you know? I know this firsthand, because what I've been tryin' to do... is to change my destiny and not just spend the rest of my life being a plumber. Not that there's anything wrong with plumbing, but it gives me a freedom. I can pursue the thing I really love. How do you find what you love? Well, I think- - I'm kidding. Oh, man! Things are getting like- - Jesus, what are we? A bunch of chicks or something? Bob's probably my soul mate. I believe that. I totally believe that. How could you say that? I dearly hope that Bob is not your soul mate. Look, look. It's not about Bob. It's about whether or not there's meaning and direction in our lives. I suggested that-- Well, there isn't! There isn't! What do you mean, "There isn't"? I'm not saying there's not meaning, but there's no direction, you know? Case in point, my parents. They met on an airplane. They were flying back from Paris. The only reason my mother was on the flight-- she was supposed to be on earlier flight-- But on the way to the airport, her taxi struck and killed a little dog, who was chasing a little furry squirrel, and she was delayed. That's a totally random act, you know? That's why she met my father. No, Erin, that is fate. Oh, come on. Tell that to the dog. Yes, tell that to the dog. No, no, I'm serious! You don't want to be a plumber, Alan. Yeah, but the point is, I don't wanna be a plumber, but I got nothin' against my father. I got nothin' against my grandfather. He's doin' what he wants to do. I'm tryin' to do what I want to do. What are you doing? You're going to be a marine biologist? Is that it? Yeah. I'll tell you something. I don't know from marine biology. But, I don't see any money in it. I mean, plumbing. Money. And you're still workin' with water. I got nothin' against being' a plumber. If someone asks me what I do, and that's what I'm doin', I'm a plumber. I mean, it's not about bein' a plumber. What does Dad think about you not wantin' to be a plumber? You know what? I'm gonna go up to the bar and buy a round of drinks... to celebrate my brother moving' to the south end. You don't have a problem with a drink from an eastie, do you, Kev? Sure. Man. What's the matter with your brother? He's got his head in the books, every night. I mean, he's studying and studying and studying. We never studied that hard, and it never hurt us. "Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." Yeah! Yeah. Consistency. Of course. "Is the hobgoblin of the mind." Harry! What's happening? Hey, Al. How are you, pal? Funny you should stop by. You know who was in this morning, lookin' for you? Who? Frankie. What? You know, Frankie the collector. Frankie! We all know Frankie. What can I get you, my friend? Yeah. Three Sam Adams and a ginger ale. You got it. So, uh, what's an attractive girl like you... doing in a bar so early? Lookin' for fun, maybe? What's that on your nose? Huh? You know, the purple blemish on the end of your nose? Looks like a basal cell nevus, or maybe a melanoma? You know, you may want to get that checked. For a man your age, a malignant melanoma could be fatal if not promptly removed. "Me: 29, five six." "Brains, beauty, body. All in one. That's nice. "Frisky, cultured and carefree professional with zest for life. Number One in fun." "Number One." That's good. "Pervs or drunks need not apply." Uh-oh. - That's you two. - That's funny! Look, we fake it just like she is. Gentlemen, believe me, the fact of the matter is, this woman's not what she seems. If she's a beauty, I'm a perv, okay? Oh, shit! C'mon, man! I'm sorry. I'm sorry! What's goin' on? You all right? I'm fine. Just spilled some water. I got it. I got it. Okay, sugar. You have a good one. Will you wake me up when you get in? Yep. Bye, Oliver. See you! That's so sweet! Olly is so wonderful. I love how you two met. I mean, he is so Sag. Olly would hate me for telling you this, but I can't resist. We actually met through a gay dating service. What? Manhunters. On the "Meat Market" bulletin board. You call in a description, like "Tenderloin," "Butt." No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding! But it was through a gay dating service. But what about the mystery? Oh, honey, it does not matter how you meet Mr. or Ms. Right. I will tell you what the real mystery is. The real mystery is: What keeps two people together after they meet? Okay. You have no new messages. End of messages. You have no new messages. End of messages. You have no new messages. End of messages. Hi, Erin. Just want to be clear. This is very important. I know I've left before. I know I've come back with my tail between my legs and cowered and such. I'm not gonna do that again. I'm leaving. This is it. I'm fed up. I don't want to fight with you anymore, and the reasons are what I'm listing right now-- That's four or five. I can't remember. First off, is, uh, you've never come with me once to my rallies. The reason why you don't want to come to my rallies is that... you do not like the masses, crowds, whatever. What do you have against the masses, is what I want to know? I am in the mass. I am a member of the crowd. No new messages. End of messages. ...workers, Erin, is the only way we as a people... in this country, we as a people in this society, will move-- End of messages. You have no new messages. You have no new messages. End of messages. Say this was a rally, our relationship, and I showed up to it. No matter how many signs, how many slogans, how many things I'm chained to... I cannot, somehow, change our relationship. I can't change you. I really have to say, I wonder if any man really ever could. Hi. Welcome to the Hera personals. To access your messages, please punch in your personal code... followed by the pound sign. To hear your new messages, press one. To hear saved messages, press two. To delete a message, press three. You have 64 new messages. To hear your new messages, press one. Hi there. This is, uh, Bob calling. Hi, I'm, uh, Daryl. My name is Elliott, and I am an insurance adjuster. - Hi! - Hey, how ya doin', toots? It's me, Joey. Anyway, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I'm active. I'm energetic. I'm outgoing. Forty-si- - Actually, 43 years old. I have slightly thinning hair. None on my back. I have no back hair. I'd say five nine, five nine and a half. - Give or take a-- - Let's just say around six feet. Let me tell you about what I do. I'm a, uh-- Very successful 30-year-old attorney. I decided to go back to school, actually, and get a graduate degree in divinity. I'm a Vietnam-era vet. I'm a temp. But that's not, like, a permanent thing. I own my business. I'm calling you from the office right now. - My interests are, uh-- - I like women a lot. I was brought up Catholic, but we can go into that when I meet you. I do pull-ups, and occasionally I will do a squat thrust. I think that probably we would have a lot in common, because, um-- Come on! I get along well with people. - I actually just finalized my divorce, about four days ago. - - I have to admit I've got some, um, some betrayal issues. - - I'm looking for a woman who is tall, yet clean? - - Someone that likes their mother and hopefully likes my mother. - Reading your ad made me feel like we were soul mates, I thought. - If you could hold on, I have a fax coming in now. I, uh-- - - My number's 555-- - 9536. And, uh, over and out. That was great. You know what? What? You might as well give me the check right now. You don't have a chance in hell. Hey! Alan! Nice computer. Here's your 135 bucks, Frank. Just like usual. You wanna count it? Hey, what the hell happened to your nose? Let's take a little drive. Shit. ♪♪ Don't matter about the money now. Don't matter about the money- - Frank! Look at this grease on my face, man. You have any idea what I went through to get this money? I put my ass on the line and vouched for ya. I thought I could count on you, Alan. I promised certain people results. They're expecting results now. If they don't get 'em- - What did you bring me here for, Frank? Oh. Your father's tool kit. He comes in here yesterday practically begging for another two grand. And he gives me this for collateral. I told him I can't loan him any more, but he wouldn't take it back. What am I gonna do with a tool kit, Alan? Thought that maybe you'd want it, not that you need it anymore. Go give 'em back to him. He's down in section three. Where he always is. There goes Swifty! Erin? Hi. I'm Nathan. Hi. So, I take it this is your first time. Yeah. You're the first suitor. Suitor. I like that. I like that. It's old fashioned. I'm kind of an old-fashioned guy myself. You, um, surprise me, frankly. Why? You just don't seem like the sort of woman... who would resort to placing an ad. Sorry, um. I'm sure you get that all the time. You're a very attractive woman. So, you study God? God? Aren't you a divinity student? Yeah. Well, God's an immense subject. We don't have to talk about it. I think it makes some people uncomfortable. No! Let's talk about God. I'm the V.P. of Operations at the Krylex Corporation in Waltham. Krylex manufactures small rubber parts for a variety of commercial... and industrial products-- products ranging from the small rubber helmets... on wall-mounted spring door studs... to the waterproof gaskets on street newspaper vending machines. You're starting to glaze over. I see it. Don't worry. Happens all the time. I'm not offended. I'll tell you why. It's because most people are blind to the impact small rubber parts... have on their daily lives. Erin, how often do people look under their phones? Um- - Precisely. When you get home, I'd urge you to do just that. You'll appreciate what I'm about to tell you. The four small rubber nubs that your phone rests on? Admittedly, not very exciting. But, consider what the consequences would be without those rubber nubs. You know, you don't say a lot, but it's pretty obvious what you're telling me. - Really? - Your body language says it all. You're palming me. I'm sorry? You're palming me. Your palms are exposed to me. When a woman does that, she's subconsciously flirting. Yeah? What does this mean? Oh. Tiger, hmm? Let's just sum up here, okay? God is definitely a woman, because only a woman... would have the kind of compassion necessary to create someone... as beautiful as you. Okay. There-there-there's one giant hole in your argument. Hole. Daryl, no female deity would have had the absence of mind to create you, the male gender, a gender that spends all of its time looking forward to getting off. God is a man. Why? Because men need women. Women don't need men. And yet, you're here. It's a hole in your argument. I collect art. South American, mostly. Really? South American? Have you been? Yeah, my dad took me to Brazil when I was very young. But I love- - I love Brazilian music. Well, I was down there for a conference ten days ago. My tan's faded, but, um-- - That's it. You're playing with your hair. - I'm bored. Do you always deal with people like this? I- - Well. It's just that I've been taking this course in communication and trying out things I learned. Can I just drop it, I mean, really? I'm just so lonely. I'm sorry. I-I-I can't meet people. It's like I've got a sign on my forehead. Yeah, that's the- - That's the thing. About God- - He's so hard to pin down, at any moment. He? She. You know, he, she, it. As Cicero said, "Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." Ralph Waldo Emerson, you mean. How come you never smile? Would that make you more comfortable? You don't really like me, do you? No! I don't like poseurs. I mean, you're probably a very nice person, but I have no way of knowing that, you know? You're all uncomfortable, you're telling all these strange jokes, and why are you trying so hard to impress me? You would be much more appealing if you would just be yourself. Here, let's see. "Frisky and carefree." - So who's the poseur? - My mother put in that ad. Oh, really? Well, what's her number? Who is the real Erin Castleton? Please stand up. Well, uh, what would you like to know? First I'd like to know what attracted you to nursing. Other people's pain. That's funny. I like that. No, actually I was in medical school at Harvard, but I dropped out. Why? I lost, um-- I lost my motivation. It's a long story, anyway. Got all night. All morning. Here you go, pal. Let me get this round. Refill? Yeah. Least I can do. Uh, what the heck is that? This is funny. I, um-- I was married once, a long, long, long time ago. But, I-I carry that as a sort of, you know, good luck charm. Well, I guess it's not working. Alan, I can't put this in here. I just got this dry-cleaned. Don't worry, Kev. There's plenty of room. Just put it in the- - Tsk. Aw, smells like fish, man. I'm gonna get fish smell in my fabrics. - Hello? - Uh, yeah, hi. My name is Erin. You called about my ad in the Herald. No, I think you must want my brother Kevin. Hold on a second. Hey, Kev! Telephone! It's for you! Coming! Sorry. ♪♪ ♪♪ I got it! Hello? This is he. Oh, it's nice to finally meet you, Erin, so to speak. Yeah, you'll have to excuse me. I'm a little out of breath. I'm moving out of the place I'm living in. Yeah, I'm moving to a much nicer place. You're the most beguiling woman I've ever met. You don't take men's compliments very well, do you? I take what I need. Which is? Another round. You got it. Barkeep? Another round for the lady, please. Mm-hmm. Thanks. Yeah. I liked what you said earlier about, um-- What was it? Um, sticking to your principles and following your dreams. But, um, do you really believe that if you do that... that things will just come to you like it's-- like it's destined? Yeah, I really do. You know, my brother says that a lot. You know, he says you create your own luck, but, uh-- You know, take me, for instance. No, no. No, let's take your brother. Okay, uh, my brother. What's his name? Alan. Alan. It's funny. When I think of Alan, I think of, uh, what W.C. Fields said which was, uh, "Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." No, Emerson. It was Ralph Waldo Emerson. Well, whatever, I mean, whoever said it is not so much important as I remembered it. But I think of him that way because he's always, always in his books. Books? Yeah, you know, Really? and I respect his determination. I'm lucky, you know, because I have more than determination. I have determination plus talent, plus, like, a natural intelligence... and then sort of a street savvy that I think I've picked up myself. And sometimes that's hard to deal with, you know. 'Cause you know you've got both barrels loaded. And sometimes you only wanna use one, but you can't. Uh, you know, it's funny to me when I think about it, because I remember back when I was studying for the bar-- And I don't think I had to study as hard as a lot of people-- Every night Alan was out partying, and I'm at home, directed, and now it's sort of weird. Because, you know, I'm out there. I'm grabbing. I'm taking, you know. I see. I want. I take. And he just sits at home every night and studies, so-- Puff? Oh, my God. Freeze! Oh. Oh, Puff. But I'm not lonely. I, I like to be by myself. I mean, people don't understand that. You know, they, they think that you're a bitch... or that you, you know, that you must certainly be depressed. I mean, say, say a woman is sitting alone in a bar reading. You know, a man who comes in, he automatically makes an assumption... that she's either sitting there waiting to be propositioned, and, you know, if she doesn't want it, then there must be something wrong with her, because, you know, what woman in her right mind... would be content just sitting by herself, you know. But I'm not lonely when I'm sitting in a bar by myself, and, you know, I'm not even lonely when I'm at home alone. I get- - You get lonely in a crowded room... or a subway that's packed with people. You know, all these people and every one a stranger. My father- - My father had one of those quiet Irish souls. He was a poet. Well, actually, he was a cardiologist, but he wrote beautiful poetry. He would take us to Ireland in the summers, and he and I would take these long walks, and then we would just sit together staring out at the sea. He said that if you can learn to contemplate just one beautiful thing every day... that it would give you something very special. It's a Gaelic expression. It means, "Quietness without loneliness." Oh, my God. I have been talking and talking. It seems for hours. Um, I'm sorry, Barry. It's- - I think you're the first man that I've met... that hasn't had, like, a pathological need to talk about himself. Um, but anyway, let's talk about you. What do you do? I'm a therapist. Oh, does that make you feel uncomfortable? Today youngsters throughout Boston struggled to express their feelings... for the fish we all called Puff. Reporter Arnie Reisman was with the children of the Wimble School... and got some of their reactions. It wasn't just another day for the kids here at the Wimble School. For some, it was a difficult day. When I heard that he got eaten by a piranha, um, that, um, I felt like he'd never come back again, 'cause I never saw a fish in my life. How does that make you feel? Sad. What a shame. Thanks, Arnie. In national news, the Tantooni standoff in Tantooni, Arizona-- You know, a nurse. It's like the expression, uh, "Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." What did you just say? Oh, I was just quoting Marx, Karl Marx. I tend to contradict myself a lot, you know, especially... around, um, you know, a, uh, you know, a-- Hmph. You know, I'm feelin' bloated. I'm gonna go, uh, take a pee-ski, okay? And, uh, you want anything? I mean, I'm sure you don't want anything from the bathroom. I'll just go. Sh-- That's gonna end up in my bank account. You forget I was watching you. I don't think you did so well. What are you talkin' about? I did great. Really couldn't see too well. How do you think he did? Are you kidding? He struck out. No surprise there. Think she can see us? Nah. She wouldn't recognize us anyways. Hi, honey. I'm home. - Eric? - Yeah? - I like you. - I, I, I like you too. You're my little hobgoblin. Number four. And I'd rub your head and make a wish, but there's too many people watching. What do you mean? She's touchin' him. No. That can't be happening. But I'd like to be alone with you someplace. Sure. No, not now, Eric. Right, I mean, we should wait. Tomorrow night. That's a good time. A little getaway I know of. Don't tell anyone, okay? Yeah. It's just gonna be our little secret. You promise me? Right, right, absolutely. Why would I say anything? Meet me tomorrow night, 9:30. It is a big deal, because Puff was more than your average balloonfish. She represented to the children- - She? Did you say, "she"? Puff was a female, yes. I can't believe I gave her those notes. - You know what I mean? Hmm? - What? - Talking about that girl Erin. - Erin who? - Erin, the nurse. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she was sharp. She was nice. I mean, I think she was intimidated by me. That's probably why she didn't call back. Along those lines, why don't we go out to Zanzibar tonight and pick up a couple of ladies? You know what, I'm out tonight. I can't do it. I'm just not feeling up to it. You guys go. I'm just gonna nuke some fish sticks tonight. Look on the bright side. At least you didn't lose your money to me. Let's go out. You gotta get back up to the plate, man. Take your whiffs. The prison will be privately run and inmates charged... for their stay. Hello? Who? The penal system took a detour into the twilight zone, Hey, hey. No, I'm not surprised at all. once again, thanks to the crafty ways... - Tonight? - Of Arty Milhous Lesser. It began this afternoon when the Suffolk County zoning... Sure, tonight's great. Reluctantly awarded Lesser-- 9:30's perfect. Our little secret, huh? ♪♪ Don't worry. I won't tell a soul. ♪♪ Can I get you anything else? Just the check. What are you doin'? Hey! Hey! Outside! Get goin'! Get goin'! What are ya both of ya doin' here, ya freaks? Oh, don't wipe it off, Alan. What? You didn't like it? I mean, it's not that I didn't like it. It just came a little unexpectedly. Come on. You've been flirting with me since I hired you as my tutor in September. You didn't hire me as your tutor, all right? Yes, I did. I accepted the respon- - I'm tryin' to help you out in the class. That's all. I'm doin' you a favor. Don't deny it, Alan. Did you bring my notes, by the way? Oh. I forgot them, but they're home. I'll give them to you tomorrow. Oh, good, well, you know, that was kind of like the point of gettin' together. I mean, the thing is- - It's just I'm tryin' to finish a paper tonight. I mean, I kind of need the notes, because that's what I took them for. Well, this is our date. I didn't know I was supposed to bring a bunch of papers. It's not exactly. I mean, we were gonna get together, and you were gonna give me the notes. I mean, that was sort of the point of it, I thought. So you asked me to this fancy restaurant on a date... so I could bring you back your notes. That's really nice. You look really beautiful. Thank you. I got dressed up especially for our date. You know, I wonder if it would be possible... not to keep using that word, okay? You're funny. Have you ever seen a whale swimming around in the ocean? No. Maybe you'd like to go with me on this whale watch. It's incredible out there. I mean, first of all, it's, like, a half hour out on the boat, which is beautiful, and you're looking over the expanse of the ocean. And- - It's a very, uh-- Romantic would be the wrong word. Just a serene pleasant time, and I think it'll perk up your interest in class. You wanna go? Yeah. All right. Well, let's see. So it's like another date. No, I would say more of a low-pressure, low-key, kind of just a couple of friends hanging out. I'd really be interested in that. Seriously. I read Moby Dick. Okay. Paging Dr. Betcher. Paging Dr. Betcher, please. Hi. Hi. Paging Dr. Stateman. Dr. Stateman, please. Bob's gay. He is? Yeah. He came out on our last date. That whole macho thing- - That was, like, this huge cover-up. I'm sorry. Uh, you were right. I made, like, this huge mistake. It's just that Bob was there, and I thought that that was my only choice. You know, with men there's always- - There's a choice. It's just a really weak selection. The only person that can make you happy is yourself. I know that sounds really hokey, but I'm finding that to be true. Yeah. Don't you just hate men? Oh, God, I wish I did. That would make my life so much easier. - Who's got the malaria patient in room 18? - He's mine. Oh, to have been a mosquito upon that man's cheek. Oh. Mr. de Silva, you're dressed? Yes, I- - I need to give you a gamma globulin shot. Would you take off your pants, please? I had all my shots yesterday. Not this one. Just take off my pants? Yes, sir. Just my pants, right? Just your pants. Okay. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ You like bossa nova? - This gonna hurt? - It's gonna be painful sitting down for a little while. My flight is on Friday. Where did you contract the malaria? It was in Bolivia. I was on expedition. I'm a musicologist. I collect ethnic folk songs. I'm going to Sao Paulo for holiday. You like my country's music, right? I can tell there is a little bit of Brazil in you. Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm. See, you are sad and happy. You don't smile, but you are content. You are sad and happy at the same time. In Brazil we have a term for that. It is saudade. It's like melancholy, nostalgia. It's very bossa nova. ♪♪ It means-- "Sadness has no end. Happiness does." - I like that song. - Yes, it's a very good song. Listen, there's a club in Somerville that plays Brazilian music if you are interested. I work the night shift. Well, what time do you get out? I'm sorry. That was very forward of me. I do not ever, ever- - Show me your hands. I'm not married. Well, you might have taken it off and put it in your wallet. You know, men do that. I'm not that kind of man. My wallet just has pieces of paper and lots of plastic. I'm becoming a plastic person I have so much plastic-- I get out at 7:30 in the morning. Well, uh, my name is Andre de Silva. And it was a pleasure having you care for me, uh- - What? Erin. Erin. Yes. You should have said it was a pain in the ass. An American would have. Yes. Yes. Yes. I know, but I am Brazilian, and we-- Erin. See ya, Alan. All right, Stu. Take care, Stu. All right. See ya later. Hey, Alan. Hey, Ben. - They want to see you up in Administration. - Yeah. Sit down. We're all a little distracted because of this latest incident. Attendance has skyrocketed because of all this publicity. But all the kids want to see now is the piranha exhibit. Poor Puff, eh? You volunteer a lot of hours here, Alan. It's well worth it, Miss Shebola. We think so too. We'd like to start paying you for them. It's great, because I could really use the money. Yuri Spinov needs a part-time assistant in Physical Plant. He recommended you. We know it's a change from what you've been doing. But it will put you on staff. Well, I'll have to just think about it a little bit. Of course. Let us know by Monday? Okay. Oh, God. This is to South American men with good sweaters. But you should go back. Hmm. You really should. The people are so wonderful. That spirit- - You don't find it anywhere else. And- - And the land. The-- The beaches are wonderful. Some day I will go back. You should go back. I'm going back. Yeah, why? This city-- It's all schools and hospitals and bars and graveyards. The young people here, all they do is- - They study, and they drink. It's terrible. I think one's school year should be spent, you know, by the ocean walking with someone that they love very much, eating fried fish by the, uh-- Anyway, you should go back. You should go there. I think you should be somewhere warm. I think it would be good for your heart. I don't know. I-I- - I guess I feel that if I left right now I would be running away. Running away? I don't understand. If you're running away, somebody's chasing you. So what is it that's chasing you, huh? Uh- - Uh, personal business. I understand. So let's make a toast. To perhaps the most beautiful woman that ever lived. Oh, no. Yes, the most beautiful woman that ever lived which is you. Let's not confuse matters. And to me, the greatest man that ever lived. Okay. Cheers. Cheers. Oh, geez. I'm going to buy you the most expensive... $5 bottle of wine you ever saw. Look what I got us: a bottle of wine and a corkscrew. Hey. ♪♪ No, no, don't, don't. I need to get some air. I need to get out of here. Grab your binoculars and cameras, folks, and get up on the deck, because in another few minutes, we'll be entering the humpback whale feeding grounds. What we have here is hands down the best whale watching-- You all right? My stomach is just, like, wobbly, gobbly. You know what's good. Just look out there on the horizon. Where? The horizon would be where the land and the sea meet. Right. Just look directly out there and take a couple of deep-- Okay. Can you breathe deeply? Feelin' a little better now? Huh. Whoa. Look at that! Spectacular! Oh, shit! Alan, I'm really sorry. I'm being such a drag. I'm keeping you from watching the fish. Why don't you just go up there? I'll be all right here. No, no, no, no. No, go. No, I wouldn't dream of it. No, I feel really bad. It's just like a once-in-a-lifetime thing. It's not a big deal. No, I'm just kidding. I'll come back out when you're feelin' better. Yeah? Without you, but I'll come back out. Oh, you. Tsk. You know what. I'm really not feeling very well. I think I should just walk myself home. No, I-I-I think you should stay. It's fine. I don't think I'm going to be very good company right now. No, this is-- This is the perfect company. Look- - Look at the water. That's very beautiful, like, like you. See, it's- - You can be alone, but to be alone with someone else who is alone-- Alone together- - That- - That is perfect. Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean. Relaxation is everything. It's the answer. See, what relaxes you? Tell me. You, um- - You like to fly, right? I am terrified of flying. Oh, perfect. So you are in a two-seater, and it is being flown by my father who weighs 462 pounds, because he lost 10. And he can't see out of his right eye-- his left-- It changes. And the plane goes like this. And there's clouds inside the plane, outside the plane. And then all of a sudden, you're getting sick. You're about to scream. And then the plane just drops, and you look out the window. Then it clears, and there's beautiful sunlight in the plane, and you look out, and you see Corcovado. Oh! Ah, and the beaches, and then the plane just glides in. The door opens, and you're there. You relax, and it's perfect. It's beautiful. Yes, very beautiful. So why don't you, uh, come with me... to Sao Paulo? You're joking. No, I'm not joking. God! Look at your tattoo. Mm-hmm. That is, like, so cool. That's like Popeye. It's really hard. You know- - You know, Julie- - Yeah? Seriously, you know, I know what you're thinking. And I mean- - Really, I- - Yeah? What am I thinking? I just invited you out here... because I wanted you to experience this with me. Oh. All right? I'm sorry. I don't wanna hurt your feelings. So you don't have any desire to kiss me? Oh, no, no. You don't? No, of course, I have a desire to kiss you. But I just think it would be best- - I like you a lot. Oh, I like you a lot too. You do? Yeah. Geez-- I will take care of everything. Visa. I-I-I can't believe you're asking me this. We're strangers. We are not strangers. I have known you at least two lifetimes that I know of. Oh, don't give me that bullshit, please. How is that bullshit? I know how you feel. I don't know what I feel. I have to spend Thanksgiving with my mother in Manhattan. No, no, that's wrong. Forget your mother. I love my mother. Yes, I love your mother-- I don't know her. When I know her, I will love her, but-- Do this for you, darling. Please, come. No, no, no, no. Oh, yes. Yes, come for a little bit. I don't think this is really gonna work out like this. Why? I mean-- I-I just want this to mean something. It means a lot to me. I'm gonna walk myself home from here. Listen, I leave in three days. Three days. I fly planes. I was adopted. My father-- That's not my father. I'm not going to get fat. Hey. Hi. You cut your hair. Yeah. Uh, well, we finished the job. We, uh, stopped them from building' the dam. We saved the land, the reservation, the river, everything. What are you doin' in Boston? Uh, well-- We- - We saved the burial grounds. And, uh, the Tantoonis were very grateful. They were so grateful that they decided to build a casino on it. You know? It's just all about money. You know, my heart isn't in it anymore. It was just really lonely down there. I really missed you, and I'm wrong. You're the one... who doesn't need to change. I'm the one who needs to change. I don't want you to change. I mean, don't ever change. You know what I mean. Come on. The paper. This better be good. Did you spell-check this? I spell-checked it. I slaved for hours. All right. I'm trying to make what we've got together mean something. I know. It means everything. ♪♪ ♪ Stay ♪ And we'll make such sweet music ♪ ♪ Come hear the lovebird He's just out my window ♪ ♪ We'll hear the night sing and I'll make a star glow ♪♪ In northern Brazil, people who believe in Candomble, they offer this to the goddess of the sea, lemanja. Now, there is also supposed to be fried fish. I thought better of it. Um, what is this offering for? Good luck. What is this? I leave tomorrow morning. Erin, will you come with me? You are crazy. Yes, crazy for you. ♪ The time is running ♪ Take everything life can give you ♪ ♪ You know it's there so take it, even fake it ♪ ♪ Till it comes true ♪ There goes Swifty! One, two, three. A lot of worry about nothing. Uh, busted blood vessel or somethin'. Guess I gotta lighten up on the booze, huh? That's great, Frank. You know, I'm really glad you're gonna live. But actually I just came by to give you this. This is way more than just one installment. I got a part-time job, and I'm gettin' you... off my back once and for all, all right? Hey, Frank, what the hell are you doin'? Certain associates of mine really appreciated what you did, how it all worked out. The attendance at the aquarium has doubled. It didn't work out. The point is, you worked out, Alan. And this... is your reward. Hey, Arty! Uh, this is, uh, my boy, Alan. - Alan, say hello to Mr. Lesser. - It's good to finally meet ya. Frankie's told me a lot about ya. He said you were a student. You look like you've been out of short pants for a while now. What are you, 40, 41? - No, I'm 35. - 35, huh? You're at a pivotal junction in your life, Alan. It's good to have you aboard. Greyhounds now entering the-- Frankie, we got a wacko down on the new waterfront place there. Come on! He's makin' waves. Do somethin'. Or maybe use this new guy here? Send him down. - I'll get on it right away, Mr. - Lesser. Number Five, Satin Flame, 70 pounds. Number Six, Burden's Drought, 73. Number Seven, It Is Gently, 72. Number Eight, Jar Man, 75. Hello? Erin, hi. It's me. Are you packing? Hi. Oh, my sweet. Yeah, I'm packing. You know, I want to come over and help you pack. We should pack together. Um, no, no, no, don't. I'm sorry, darling. I get so eager to see you. I'll see you at the airport tomorrow. I'll be there in the morning. ♪♪ ♪♪ What does that mean? Ah, what this means, darling-- It means, "I want your love for me." "The two of us like this until the end. "I do not want sadness anymore. I will make you happy, and destiny is what tells me this." Erin, I will make you smile. I swear I will, Erin. So, uh, tomorrow at the airport, right? Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. Good, and, please, a small bag. All you need is toothpaste and a little two-piece-- ♪♪ Puff? What time your train is gonna arrive tomorrow? Oh, it's gonna be so fabulous. Everybody's gonna be there. Everybody is dying to see you. Dodge is gonna be there. Brazil, wow. Does that sound beautiful, huh? I hear that's beautiful this time of the year. Brazil. That's way past Medford, Brazil. What time's your flight? 9:35. You're not gonna make it. I'm sorry? You're not gonna make it. The tunnel is jammed. Oh, I have to make it. The tunnel is clogged. All right, um- - All right, take me to Bowdoin Station, the Blue Line. Airport Station next. Change here for the airport terminal shuttle. Next stop, Airport. This is Airport Station. Excuse me. I'm trying to get out of here. Why don't you just knock me down? Come on! This is Airport Station. Change here for the airport terminal shuttle. This is Airport Station. Change here for the Logan Airport terminal shuttle. Wonderland Station will be next. Next stop, Wonderland. Headset? In-flight movie? Yes. Thank you. Headset? Uh, yes, please. In-flight movie? None for me, thanks, and none for the lady. Headset? Yes. So-- You are traveling alone? Yes. Mmm. And you? Uh, yes. It seems... always alone. You travel for business? No, no, uh, for pleasure. Ah! Pleasure. Well, you must like my country's music then. Yes, I do. ♪♪ ♪♪ That's beautiful, but what does it mean? Ah, what this means- - May I? It means this, darling. ♪ So close your eyes ♪ For that's your lovely way to be ♪ ♪ Aware of things your heart alone ♪ ♪ Was meant to see. Over there? Right over here. ♪ The fundamental loneliness goes ♪ ♪ Whenever two can dream a dream together ♪♪ Feelin' a little better? Yeah, a little. Thanks. I-- This way. I'm sorry about that. I-- No, no, no. That's- - That's totally all right. I think I just-- I just needed some air or something. The train was so crowded. I know, yeah. I mean, that Airport Station is horrible. People are, like, shoving. Yeah. They're in such a rush to get outta there. Sit down. Thanks. Yeah, my father used to bring us to this beach all the time. I still come here every day to read or relax. Do you? Every day, that's so nice. Well, I think it's important to have some daily ritual in your life... that gives it a sense of consistency, you know? C-C-Consistency? Yeah. But, uh, um, wouldn't you say that, uh, "Consistency is the, uh, hobgoblin of little minds"? Well, actually, it's: "A foolish consistency... is the hobgoblin of little minds." That's Ralph Waldo Emerson. Waldo Emerson, right. But I don't think coming to a place like this every day is foolish. No. No, not at all. Because I think it's important sometimes just to sit in a quiet place... and stare out at the sea and just-- Contemplate something beautiful. It's funny, though. I never realized such a beautiful beach was so close to Boston. Well, it's not always this nice. Um-- Well, I guess I better get home. You wanna take a walk? I'd love it. Great. Okay. Ah, it's right down here. ♪ So close ♪ Your eyes ♪ For that's a lovely way to be ♪ ♪ Aware of things your heart alone ♪ ♪ Was meant to see ♪ The fundamental loneliness goes ♪ ♪ Whenever two can dream a dream ♪ ♪ Together ♪ You can't deny ♪ Don't try to fight the rising sea ♪ ♪ Don't fight the wind ♪ The stars above ♪ And don't fight me ♪ The fundamental loneliness goes ♪ ♪ Whenever two can dream a dream ♪ ♪ Together ♪ When I saw you first ♪ The time was half past three ♪ When your eyes met mine ♪ It was eternity ♪ But now ♪ We know ♪ The wave is on its way to be ♪ Just catch the wave ♪ Don't be afraid ♪ Of loving' me ♪ The fundamental loneliness goes ♪ ♪ Whenever two can dream a dream ♪ ♪ Together ♪ Together ♪ Together ♪ Batucada is free ♪ It's the food for you and me ♪ ♪ And the rhythm you hear ♪ Will make you dance ♪ Batucada is wrong and it won't make it flow ♪ ♪ He loves hearing this song and he can dance ♪ ♪♪ ♪ Batucada is on ♪ Batucada, come on ♪ He loves this song and he loves to dance ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ Previously on Boston legal Shirley kissed me. She still loves me. I'm seeing someone who's dying of lung cancer. I can't keep going. "Hands" Espenson, banking and finance genius, only don't call him "Hands." I've been working very hard to deal with my Asperger's syndrome. It's called "friends with benefits." I have never had that kind of friend before. - Alan, Marlene Stanger. - A pleasure, Ms. Stanger. We're going to make love. We're going to get this out of our system, and then we will move on. You want to marry me? God! Oh, god, please, no! I'm in control. Deep breaths. You're in control. License and registration, please. Mr. Espenson, you were driving in the carpool lane. That lane's reserved for vehicles with two or more passengers. Sir, that is not a person in your passenger seat. I'm sorry. I'll pay the ticket. Okay, I'm also going to have to impound the doll. - What? - I'm afraid that's the law, sir. You can't have her. Sir, please sit back in the vehicle. No, you can't take her! She's done nothing wrong! It was all me, my fault! Sir, please get back in the vehicle. No! No, no, no! All right! Take it easy! All right, hold him. No! We're developing pictures. We're photography buffs. Yes, and I hate to interrupt your buffing, but there's an emergency. Jerry Espenson is in jail. Last night he tackled a police officer. What? He's totally flipped out. If you like to watch, I'm okay with that. All right, Denny. Um, have you got a sec? Yeah, sure. What's up? Uh, well, the good news is I'm getting married... - to Daniel Post. - Wow. Denise... / Thanks. - Congratulations. - Thank you. - Denise... - Thank you. Thank you, Denny. Denny! Denny! Denny... Denny! / Denny! The bad news is Daniel got arrested, and I was hoping that you could defend him. What did he do? Well, it seems he went out and bought himself, um... a lung. Boston Legal 3x01 Can't We All Get a Lung? ? ? (? ? ? ) ? ? (? ? ? ) ? ? (? ? ? ) ? ? (? ? ? ) ? ? (? ? ? ) ? ? (? ? ? ) ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON ABC: 2006/09/19 It's not that complicated. I met this guy Tom at my oncologist's office. He's got a brainstem tumor. It's inoperable. So he had cancer, I had cancer, and we, we become friends. As you know, I lost a lung. Coincidentally, Tom has two. And even more of a coincidence, our tissues match. Gee, what do you know? Now I'm not gonna need a lung for a couple years, but, you know, hey, why put off for tomorrow what you can transplant today? And as it turns out, I have all this extra money lying around, so I thought I'd help Tom's daughter with college. Wow. And these idiot prosecutors thought you were buying a lung. By the way, you see the ring? Holy! Denise. Marlene. - I hear you're getting married. - I am. Congratulations It must be a relief to have some financial security. Does buzz know? - Buzz? - Buzz lightyear. Isn't that the nickname for the Ken Doll with benefits? Marlene, I'm finding it extremely difficult not to assault you right now. Oh, I'm sorry. Am I being too familiar? I thought we were girlfriends. I was hoping the relationship wouldn't change when I made partner and you didn't, but I guess it has. Oh, well. Brad, did you hear? Denise is getting married. Really? I, I was going to tell you. Sometimes it's easier to hear it from a third party. That could have hit me. Alan, I know I was wrong to drive in the carpool lane. I stand ready to pay the fine, but they have no right to take that... Okay, Jerry. I want you to take a big, deep breath. Oh, god. They're probably violating her as we speak. By "her" you mean the doll? Some men do despicable things to them. Some men get them specifically for... sexual purposes. You can't mean that. The blow-up dolls advertised with the lifelike genitalia? Men get them for sexual purposes? - You're making fun of me. - No, Jerry. This doll is a virgin. Now the police have her. You've got to get her back! That officer was groping her! That's why I had to take action. Jerry, I will help you, but you're talking about a doll. But I can talk to her. As inanimate as she may be, I feel safe with her. I can talk... about things. Okay. But, Jerry, could we perhaps get another doll? No! As much as I know that she's not real, she's real to me. You need to help, Alan. She's real to me. I got a second and third opinion, and they all say it's inoperable. I've been through the whole stages of death thing. I cried, I begged, I threw stuff. I made it to acceptance. And now you seem to have made it to the final stage, profiteering. These nonterminals have no sense of humor. My daughter, she wants me to fight the cancer, but the thing is, if I do the chemo and the radiation, the most I may buy is three or four really nasty months. I don't want that. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna plead not guilty and go with your story that this is just two friends helping each other out. - Great. - Except that's probably not gonna work, so we'll also need to file a motion to dismiss on Constitutional grounds. And then hope that in the Constitution somewhere it says it's okay to sell your body parts to the highest bidder. All right, you wanna marry some guy, a criminal no less, that's fine, - but to lie to me? - Don't yell at me! - I did not lie to you. - Yes, you did. Denise, we're sleeping together, and you're engaged. - Stop yelling at me! - Don't you think that I deserve some... - It just happened. - Oh, it just happened, you just happened to get engaged? - Yeah, you know what? Get out! - So this is the modern-day woman, huh? She has her friends with benefits and collects her marriage proposals on the side? - Get out! - You really have it all, don't you? Yeah, yeah, I really have it all. I'm in love with a man who is dying. Lucky, lucky me. You son of a bitch. Why didn't you just tell me that you were seeing him? Because he was in Switzerland getting an experimental treatment, and I didn't think he was coming back. I'm sorry that I love him. I don't want to love him, but I do. I've got to get him help. My god, if you saw the way he hugged her. Is she cute? Denny, it's a doll. Oh, come on. Don't tell me you've never gone to town on a doll. No, as a matter of fact. Have you? Denny... / Well, not just any doll. I'm, I'm not, uh... - uh, what's the word? - Peculiar. But I suppose I've been with... a special doll. Would I like her? Do you want to meet her? She's in the closet. - Denny, I've been in that closet. - Not this closet. I'm the only one with the key to this closet. Alan Shore, meet Shirley Schmidtho. Oh, my god. This little ho knows how to please, let me tell you. You had this custom-made. Here's the thing about rich people, Alan. We get whatever we want. Shirley Schmidtho. All rise. Judge Clark Brown presiding. - Oh, dear. - Problem? Judge Brown, I'm not his favorite. Be seated. Ms. Schmidt... I have before me your motion to dismiss on Constitutional grounds. Denied. You better take this. Your honor, I would ask that you would reconsider the defense's motion. I will not. He wanted to purchase a lung, and he wanted to sell a lung. Horrible, horrible and shocking! In the interest of fairness, your honor, it's imperative that you... No, I'm ruling on your papers. The law as it stands is Constitutional, and my decision stands firm. I am not one of your activist judges, Ms. Bauer. I follow the law as it is written, a practice that makes neither nansy nor pansy. We will proceed. I spoke with a few psychologists. And while they can appreciate how a person with Asperger's might find comfort in an imaginary soul mate... You're choosing your words carefully. Why are you talking this way? When you talk to me like that, I do not hear your words. I only hear the pitter-patter of somebody tiptoeing lightly around a crazy person. I know she's not real. I'm not delusional. I just... I spent a lot of money on it. That's all. Jerry, that isn't truthful. You may not be having sex with it, but you've completely individualized it. You call it "her." You treat her as a loved one. You've just described every man's relationship with his car. The psychologists tell me as understandable as your attraction may be, it isn't healthy. Have you ever been with a real woman, sexually? I think you know the answer to that question, Alan. There was a time years ago when I had some... difficulty of a certain stripe. I was referred to a sex therapist, a surrogate, in fact. - I'd like you to meet with her. - That's disgusting! It is not disgusting. What's more, she helped me enormously. I believe she could help you. For god's sake, Jerry, you're smart enough to realize your disability with intimacy is profound here. You need to get help I was accepted to Penn this spring. I knew it was out of our price range, so I contacted the financial aid office. Did you qualify for financial assistance? I didn't need to. My tuition was paid, all four years in full. Who paid your tuition, Megan? It took some digging, but I eventually learned that it was Daniel Post. I asked my father who Daniel Post was and if he knew anything about it. He said I should be grateful and to keep it between us. Then I found the test. Commonwealth exhibit A. - Was this the test you discovered? - Yes, in my dad's desk. It's a comparison study between my father and Mr. Post. They're a perfect match for each other. Megan, why are you here testifying against your father? My mother died when I was 6. My dad is my whole family. You have to at least try. Megan, it's clear that you love your father very, very much, and he has a tumor in his brain that cannot be removed. And there's no getting around that, is there? No. ? But there's no real evidence that Daniel Post paid your tuition in exchange for one of your father's lungs. There's no contract between them. Nothing's signed. No receipt. There's no real proof of a connection between the two of them, correct? So they just got typed and matched for the hell of it? Megan, your father still has both of his lungs. Isn't it possible that Daniel Post paid your tuition to be nice? Because he could, for the daughter of a friend. Joanna. My name is Alan Shore. - I'm not sure if you remember me. - Yes. How are you, Alan? I have a matter of great urgency. I wonder if I could speak with you. And I'm just afraid the more isolated he becomes... I mean, I would imagine men who bond with dolls, some kind of intervention has to take place here. Alan, I'm retired. I've remarried, and my husband has problems with his wife being a sexual surrogate. You've retired? But I can refer you to several other therapists. Without even meeting these women, I know they simply cannot be you. Well, I suppose I'm flattered. I mean to connote despair, not flattery. My friend is extremely disenfrahised, both sexually and emotionally, and time is running out. He's in his 40s. His best friend is a doll. Could you please come out of retirement for just one case? I beg you. I don't want to be alone with her. Can't I do this over the computer? No, Jerry, you have to be in the same room. I'm not comfortable. I don't want to be alone with her. And don't go rushing off to court trying to get some kind of order. You can't make me, Alan! Would it help if Patty went with you? That'll just make me look more like a freak. No, it won't. How about we both join you, Patty and I, just for the initial consultation? 11:30 sounds perfect. Thank you, Joanna. You have no idea how grateful I am. We'll see you then. You missed your 10 o'clock. Um, something came up. Something was supposed to come up in the closet at 10 o'clock. I've got a few minutes now if you'd like to go somewhere and grab a bite. I'm leaving for New York. - Now? - Friday. I'm transferring to the New York office. What? Why? / I don't feel I'm doing my best work here. I assure you, Marlene, you are. I'll miss you. Huh? That's it? You'll miss me? Dear... Mr. Post, who is Eugene Volokh? Eugene is a security guard at my office building. Why did you write him a check for $50,000? Eugene's son is autistic. He has to go to a special school. So you just gave him the money? So in addition to Katrina relief, the children's hospital of Boston and a dozen other charities, you just give money to people that you meet? Have you ever asked any of the people that you've helped for something in return? No. / Not even say, um... a body part? Not a one. Uh, Mr. Post, how did you get to court this morning? - Car. - You drove? - I was driven. - You have a car and driver? Let's just stipulate I'm a rich guy, right? Rich guy play by different rules, don't they? The same rules, just I have more toys. You did hear that I share mine, right? I did. You're obviously a generous man and a lucky one. Except for the whole cancer thing. Well, but you got the best treatment money could buy, right? And then you got yourself into the most promising drug trial in this country, right? Along with about 2,000 other people. You were sued for manipulating that study to your benefit. - Uh, the suit went away. - Because the plaintiff died, but not before you tried to buy your way out of the inconvenience of a trial. And when the study here at home didn't work, you just got yourself into another one in Switzerland, didn't you? I mean, a man like you, used to controlling everything in your world... - Objection! - Sustained. I'm just saying, Mr. Post, you've got deep pockets, and you're able to use them to get what you want. And the one lung that you have left, it's not gonna last forever, is it? And every time you have to stop on the street, and you feel that tightness in your chest, it reminds you of how vulnerable you are, doesn't it? Objection! Your honor, this trial shouldn't be about who offered what to whom. It should be about whether or not our government has the right to control what we can and cannot do with our own bodies... What you should be able to do to save your own life. - Your honor! - Disregard her. Judge Brown doesn't want to hear about these issues, because they cut a little too close to the bone. You see, I did some research, and it seems judge Brown is himself a survivor of colon cancer. But his is treatable. He could throw a couple of radioactive seeds in the back door, and then you don't have to face the hard truth about what you would be willing to do if you were dying. You know, Jerry, Alan is very concerned about you. He thinks your social isolation is rather extreme. But the good news is, it's not. Many men your age are living alone these days without partners. It's become all too common, in fact, and I've treated many like you, who prefer dolls. Mainly they're motivated by a desire to avoid rejection, which, when you think about it, every man fears rejection from women on some level. Thank you. Do you lie in your bed next to Patricia? - I do not have sex with her. - Oh, I believe you. I believe you. Because what you're looking for isn't sex so much as intimacy in a relationship. Jerry, I want to have another session when you and I just lie together. No sexual touching. We just lie next to each other. Oh, I don't know. It won't be about sex, but body awareness... and relaxation. - Naked? - Yes. I wouldn't want you there for that. Understood. That didn't go very well. No, it didn't. - Are you okay? - Mm, fine. A penny for your thoughts? My thoughts are not for sale, unlike the rest of... Ouch. Yeah. ? My father didn't have a lot to leave when he died, but he actually executed something called an ethical will. - Have you heard of them? - I've drafted them. He believed that a person's final legacy shouldn't be so much about his money as about his character, his values. Sometimes I wonder what Daniel's legacy is going to be. Why don't you ask him? He'd say that legacies are for dead people, and he doesn't want to be dead. I guess that's the only answer he can live with. The question is, can you? How are you feeling? Fine, thank you. Before I get into bed, I'd like to take off my robe, and I just want you to look at me. Do you think you can do that? I'll try. Could you look at me, Jerry? See, there's nothing terribly foreign about the female body, Jerry. I'm going to climb in with you now, okay? Okay. ? - How are you feeling? - I'm afraid. Would you like me to hold you? Okay. ? Freeze! Oh, no, no, no! You can't be in here! - No, no, no! - All right, come on, buddy. - What are you doing? - No, no, no! - You can't just barge in here! - Cuff her. Let's go. - Let go of them! - Just one moment, please! Oh, my god. God, no! I am looking for him. As soon as I find him, I will get him down to the station. I... I hear you, Jerry. Alan! Oh, come on! Alan! What? You can't blame Daniel Post for wanting to live. What's the harm, he asked? We have many individual liberties that are dearly cherished in this country. Equally cherished is the notion that our law-making bodies seek to protect the public good. As a result, we don't have carte blanche to do whatever we please with our bodies. Well, Daniel Post decided that he was above the law. He figures he doesn't have to play by the same rules that apply to you and me. So where's the harm? And it's not just a matter of anarchy or the sanctity of the law. Hundreds of thousands of people donate their organs every year so that others might live, and they count on the system of distribution to be fair. If it's not, those organ donations could stop or most certainly decline, and people die. And that's a harm he doesn't care about. I'm hoping that the 12 of you do. I have a nephew. He's in college. During his semester break, he offered himself as a subject for medical research in exchange for money. This is legal. The woman who lives down the block from me had her eggs harvested so that another woman could have a baby. She did this in exchange for money. This is legal. People can sell their hair, their blood, their sperm. Legal. Our nation already embraces the notion that we have the right to sell parts of ourselves, that we are free to make these kinds of decisions about our own bodies. Well, sort of. Certain parts, we have no rights. But the truth is, organ sales are happening anyway. Would, would you like a kidney? I can get you one in Brazil for as low as $3,000, in the Philippines for $1,800. I can get you an achilles tendon in South Korea for anywhere between $200 and $1,200 dollars. Why does this black market exist? Because our current system of organ donation is woefully failing us. Sure, you can put your name on a list, along with 92,000 people who are left on the list each year. In the meantime, anyone who can circumvent that list is doing so. Families and friends donate directly. Police and firefighters have an informal network where they donate their organs to each other. And, and for a stiff monthly fee, any patient can subscribe to a donor-matching web site. And Daniel Post found Tom Raulston. The Washington DC circuit court previously found we have a Constitutional right to save ourselves. That's all Daniel Post was trying to do. Jerry, I am so, so sorry. I feel completely responsible, and I will make this go away. - I give you my absolute word. - What happened? It seems the awful Mr. Ginsberg, our politically ambitious zealot of a prosecutor, has begun a citywide crackdown on a broad assortment on what he considers immoral sexual activity, and somehow you and Joanna got caught up in it. But I promise you, Jerry, this will not stand. It's prostitution, pure and simple. Not prostitution, it was treatment. What's more, they didn't even engage in any sexual activity. Because they didn't have time. You bumptious moron! Your honor, the depravity of this society when it comes to sex has become epidemic. Somebody has to be a guardian of decency and... This depraved society for which you've anointed yourself decency guardian spends billions of dollars on sexual dysfunction. You can't turn on a cartoon today without seeing an ad for erectile dysfunction. It's one of the fastest-growing industries in our country, better sex through chemicals. I'm not sure I see your point. My point is, we're cultivating an obsession with sexual performance, and while it's perfectly acceptable to take a pill, if you seek behavioral therapy, well, that just goes against everything we stand for as a pharmaceutical nation. Well, this man has Asperger's syndrome. He has a disability when it comes to establishing intimate, social, emotional and yes, sexual relationships. He sought treatment, and this pompous buffoon wants to make a case out of it to get some face time with Nancy Grace. I move for an immediate motion to dismiss. I move for costs, and I'd ask your honor to sentence this idiot to sensitivity training, preferably for life. All right, I'm gonna take this under advisement, and I will rule quickly. Adjourned. I am very, very sorry. I feel so awful. I've ended up hurting them both. It'll probably make the news, compounding their embarrassment. Alan, face it. You screwed up, so all you can do is apologize, accept responsibility and check yourself into rehab. What? - She's gone. - Who? Marlene. She left... the firm. No, no, no, she went to the New York office. She'll be back. - This girl mean something to you? - Don't be silly. Denny! There's a rather monstrous rumor going around that you customized a doll in my likeness, a doll you were caught having sex with in a closet. That was him. I assure you I'm holding out for the real thing. Did you have a doll made my likeness, Denny? Come on, Shirley, you should be flattered. To be a sexual prop, that's every woman's dream. Isn't it? What's her name? Sorry? / I'm told she has a name. What is it? Oh, that. Why that's, uh... Shirley Schmidtho. I'd like to meet her. - Well, I don't think that's a very... - You will bring me the doll. - This won't be good. - No. It's a fluke that you're both wearing the same outfit. I know how you women don't like to see yourselves. Denny, can you not appreciate how this degrades me? Well, I'm just objectifying you for pleasure. You truly can't see how this might humiliate me? You're jealous? Here's my problem. There's no licensing or regulation of surrogate partners. As Mr. Ginsberg notes, I suppose any prostitute could claim she's a surrogate, but Ms. Miller was at one time a member of the international professional surrogate association, and that is a legitimate and often effective treatment. Oh, please. I'm also mindful of the hypocrisy Mr. Shore alluded to earlier. Big pharmaceutical spends billions of dollars cultivating a national obsession with sexual performance. We're okay with pushing pills, but we condemn behavioral treatment? The charges against Mr. Espenson and Ms. Miller are dismissed. Mr. Ginsberg, I'm sure if you look hard, you'll be able to find something better to do with your time. Adjourned. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. You heard what the judge said about the treatment being very effective. I hope you'll see Joanna again. - Can I think about it? - Of course. / Okay. Thank you again, Alan. My friend. Thank you. What's wrong? Sorry? You're blue. Me? I'm not, actually. We got the desired result here. I'm still concerned about any embarrassment I might have caused you or Jerry. But I wouldn't describe myself as... Blue? Yeah. ? There was a girl. She left. It's not as if we had any kind of meaningful relationship, but I suppose when I was with her, I could be my... true, unadulterated self, which is, as you know... Degenerate. These past few years, I've felt this inexplicable compulsion to be somewhat redeeming, as if I were some series regular on a television show. Something about Marlene allowed me to be... Degenerate. In addition to your treatment of Jerry, do you think you could maybe squeeze me in? How about we measure you for some trousers? Defendant will please rise. Madam foreperson, the jury has reached a unanimous verdict? - We have. - What say you? "In the matter of the commonwealth vs. Daniel Post" "on the charge of violating the uniform anatomical gift act," "we find the defendant," "not guilty." Wow. Are you gonna talk to me at all? Do you still love me? Because I still love you. All right, tell you what. You know that, that new fur coat in the window of Bergdorf Goodman's? I'll buy you Bergdorf Goodman's. Daniel... I think I fell in love with most of you. Well, I can live with that. It's just the rest of this stuff, I, um... I need some time. Well, you know what? That, that works out, too, because, uh... Tom and I are gonna be going on a little vacation. For how long? Five, six weeks. Uh, where? Probably best you don't know. Right. What do you mean, she's measuring you for trousers? Is that some kind of fetish? Would I like it? My mother wasn't a particularly doting woman, Denny. She never held me much or... except every Fall before the school year began, she'd... prepare my school clothes, measure me for my pants, the hems and so forth. I'd stand there, her hand would be on my leg, my seam... You had a thing for your mother. It wasn't sexual. Her touch was just... I guess, loving. One of the reasons I buy so many suits, I think. While the tailors do what they do, I suppose it reminds me of the times in my childhood I allowed myself to feel cared for. Now Joanna... the way she would touch me, running her fingers up the inseam and around in the back, here and there, it did become erotic. Getting measured for pants. It's not entirely about sex, Denny. It's about being touched in... gentle, intimate ways. I suppose I'm starved for a little tenderness sometimes. I'm never taking you fishing again. Do you ever get lonely, Denny? What's with all this deep thinking? It's a simple question. Do you ever get lonely? Do you? No. You? No. I guess we're both lucky that way. You are so good. What? -You. Just good? Oh, you feel like shooting for great? I feel I have been shooting for great. Yes. Yes. -Four... Actually five. -Five. Five. Do you think that six would violate some law of physics I don't know about? Is this why they called you "Sparky" as a kid? Yeah, Alex, it's my unquenchable sexual appetite at age seven. You see, kids can be very cruel. I knew you had an intriguing childhood. Seriously, where did the nickname come from? Ohh! I don't even know why I ever mentioned it. See, this-- this is surplus pep. Are you, like, doing the diner scene from When Harry Met Sally? You give my acting ability far too much credit. Good. Good. Good. I am so lucky, you know that? You're a great cuddler. What did you just call me? A cuddler. Oh no. No, no. You don't call me that. No? Whatcha gonna do about it? I'll show you. Uh, neighbourhood voyeur. I, uh... I should be getting upstairs. Bye. If you really were a god you'd have a lot better timing than that. That's what second dates are for. There will be a second date? No comment. -No comment? You live with the God of Love and you're not even willing to suckle at the teat of my wisdom. Listen, I asked her out on my own terms, okay. There are no beads for you here. I'm not gonna be a part of your hundred couples. So do me a favour by keeping your Cupid ass outta my love life. I don't know if the family business will survive without your patronage but we're gonna give it a shot. You talk the talk but I can't recall hearing the squeaks of springs coming out of your room. That is a conscious decision, my friend. I could have this place looking like the junior prom on Ecstasy if I wanted. What's holding you back? The prime directive. explains why you won't let me borrow your phaser. Not Star Trek. Memo from Zeus - No shagging the livestock. And by livestock you mean...? Mortals. Count to ten. Admit it. You're making this up as you go along. The Greek Gods were always slipping off the mountain to make it with the farmer's daughter. To the Bacchanal that once was. It is not that way anymore. If I make it with a human I lose my immortality. End of story. So, if you slip suddenly you become Trevor Hale, bartender. Trevor Hale, chronically depressed five thousand year old bartender, yeah. Well, you know what they say about people who peel the labels off of beer bottles. We're a dexterous lot? This omniscience of yours, kinda comes and goes, doesn't it. Do you know how happy I am right now? I think I have a pretty good idea. Do you have any plans for Saturday? No, but I thought it was your "He-man, woman-haters" club getaway weekend? You know, college football, tailgating, um, poker, arm wrestling, tobacco chewing, chest hair comparing... Lunch at Hooters. Yeah. -It was. What? Did it get cancelled? Not exactly. -Well? Don't make me say it. -Say what? And now I get to play me. - What? - Many, darling, but most, Location Book of Nostradamus. Fuck you! I'm already there, buddy. It's called Earth. Too bad you will not remember this. Restart the program. And take it back. - Go ahead, Joshua. - Maybe I will. I have a proposal, Foster. I want to go on Gua-net and swear allegiance to our race. - In exchange for the life of this girl. - To live like your bitch? Make it quiet. We have your planet. You and your people are our slaves. This will not change. Do not be so sure. - I'll give you a chance to save a life. - How human? What happened to you, Joshua? I would have thought you could get that. - Will you accept benefit Gua, Cade Foster? - Never! No! You bastard! Why do not you kill me? Kill me! You will die in the extermination. At dawn. The pressure on the hypothalamus has reached a high level. - What does that mean? - It will cause brain damage if not quickly find the location of the book. - You said that. - We will help with brain burned. Jia, Jia Jia, de ce te îndoieşti de mine ? Sir, excuse me, but we Council clearly outlined tasks. - Put it on a low cycle. - Sir, this will cause ... Do it! Yes sir. Sorry, Foster. - They found the trailer? - I was out like a rabbit hole. - Our message ...? - No, no, I did. I sent. There was more traffic illegally Gua-net than ever. - What is wrong? - I am willing to spare his life if Gua convince you to swear allegiance. I told them that there is no chance, man. No chance. Then they threatened the few friends that I met there. I tried, man. I will try to reorganize a resistance movement. Now that you're back, we have to know where is the book of Nostradamus. - As public do it? - Yes. I will quatrains computer. - I will continue to fight. - Do it. You know where I hid the book could not find. Man, I do not know if I can find. It's been a long time. In Quinnela State Park, six camping site. I know I know. That's right. The place of camping six. See you soon, man. I can not take forever here. What? No, you're right. I can not. - I want to thank you, Eddie. - No, thank you, Foster. You returned to battle. - You still have a chance, Foster. - Leave stories. Swear allegiance to Gua and I will spare your life. You're wasting your time, alien. Ready extermination. Running man. No, wait! You might want to say good-bye to an old friend. - Hei, Foster. - Nu. Immediately after that, me and Joshua will get this book. Quinnela State Park, six camping site. What can I say, man. It happens. You bastard! - You bastard! - Do it. - Caine, we have a malfunction. - Who cares. We place the book of Nostradamus. We attack the system. Some kind of virus. - We have generator? - Yeah, just a second. Turns auxiliary energy source. Foster said that the book is here. If he lied, the detector should be indicated. - You better be right. - My program is protected, Caine. - We will take the book and you'll be the hero of the Assembly. - Yes, I will. Then maybe I'll learn more about human pleasures. - Maybe you're more "Claire" than you think. - Sir! Iat-o. You should open it, Caine. This is your victory. This moment will forever be remembered in the history of Gua. The human race has lost all hopes. Are you crying? Since you do not chip implant location you were dead. Lessor led me to you. I uploaded a virus in their system, I overloaded power supply and bum. You escaped. I feel like I have been hit by a cement mixer. From what I hear, did some bad things with your mind. I found out that for some time I have heard of Joshua. Now we know. Joshua did not arrange the meeting. Joshua was replaced consciousness of his body. - With a guy named Caine. - So where's Joshua? I have no idea. - I gave the location of the book? - Yes. Relax. I said I'd take care of it. I handled it well before the meeting. They took the book of Nostradamus, but not true. Those false quatrains should slow them down. How much time? Who knows? Here, here. Uncle Eddie Hackers Brown, will ensure healing. Thank you, Eddie. - What the hell is this? - Chamomile, ginkgo biloba, vitamin E, B12, two glasses of tequila. Breakfast of champions. Maybe you have some aspirin, Eddie? Maybe. Today I witnessed a possible future of mankind, subjugată de Cave. Faced with this future, my trip has a purpose again. I wonder about the fate of Joshua ... An alien that could be the key to this war. With Joshua gave away, Gua went on the offensive. Will the book of Nostradamus and most will stop me. While I was tortured learned ... I will not bow to them again. Translation and adaptation Florin Days încãpãþânatei human race They are counted. If the man known as 117 He thinks he can stop this great ... I invite you to make an attempt. You and me, we must work together. We are safe on this street targets. It smells like a trap. Raven Nation soldiers are watching. That's the last place he most wanted. If you do not find them, we will go. Only trash? What a surprise ? Preschool Center. Jordan, if it's true, we talk about a national catastrophe. Eddie, I found nothing. View down the street. And hurry yourself, before you may become thrown in the air. Jordan ... I found it. - Uourel. - Open bag carefully. According email you less than a minute to burst stops. You should see a screen, a detonator and a main display. Dude, that's masterpiece. The design is incredible. If diagrams are correct, should be three wires connected to the detonator. First, cut the ground wire. You found it ? Well, that seems mass. Okay, Foster ... You should see a white thread. That battery backup power. You have to cut it before your wire detonation. You're sure? So I ... I joked. Yeah, sure. Left one pink and one blue. What is the thread detonation? The email says that blue. Cut it and the bomb is deactivated. Hopefully this email sell gogooi. Until now match everything. The Liniotit. - Foster! - What happens ? He cleotele! Hurry yourself. You have ten seconds. Eight seconds. - Six ... Five ... - Not that. Four ... three ... two ... one ... Are you okay? Yes, Eddie. We're fine. I made the first step. The most expensive 117 will soon be mine. In 1564 Nostradamus predicted the destruction of the world, three terrible waves ... The first wave is here. My name is Cade Foster. That's my story ... They killed my wife, they were charged for murder ... Now run but not hide. Profeþia lui Nostradamus mã cãlãuzeote. Am sã-i descopãr... Am sã-i vânez... I have to stop! Season 03 Episode 11 The first wave Translation and adaptation Florin (c) thin Catrenul 15 century V ... "The message precedes messenger, a link to the sudden darkness. Built between shine and nothingness, the child is released back to the shadows. " Paranoid Times receives thousands hits per week Due to the growing number of adherents extratereotrii I know that threatens the world. Most emails provide support, but when I got a tip about a bomb Gua, Placed in a government building, we had to check out. That saved hundreds of lives mail but who sent? An alien dissatisfaction? A man who knows Gua plans? The email was sent from a computer at this address. With the support of fighters Raven Nation that will determine if the email sent Friend or foe is. - What helps? - I Timothy Murray, Compustar, providerul dvs de internet. I understand that you have trouble with your modem? As far as I know, no. - You have computer at this address? - Yes. The report says that you have problems with sending emails. I do not know. I'm a dinosaur. What? - I do not know anything about computers. - Aoadar, husband uses it? I am not married. It's not the right time now. - My little girl is sick. - A used computer? Who is Aunt Anne? Honey, go back to bed. I know children superdotaþi, but the girl could not send the message. - Why not ? - It's a bomb diagram alien. Cam difficult to 9 years, how to know? I do not know. I could not ask her without getting blown. Perhaps someone else sent from her address. I already checked. No one came into her system. According to Anne Berman, Emily is the only one who uses that computer. Well, aoadar girl drew this scheme? Engineers studying for years, to do such things. Does she have advanced knowledge of electrical circuits and design! I do not think so. - There is something useful? - My Collection of text documents. Registrele freshmen, de la ocoala Parkside. What do we have? - Her IQ is 189 - a genius. It's particularly good at math, arithmetic, trigonometry, physics ... Edward can're not the only prodigy here. Yes, read on. Recently, he had problems. Suspended twice for fighting. A girl of nine years suspended twice for fighting? I was sacked three times in elementary school. One year military school made me better. I bet you would be proud to see you now. E visits program a member of the study program at home. This program was started to not let the kids go crazy. I would say that children are gifted. Bingo ! - Ms. Berman? - Yes ? Helen Lesco trial program at Parkside school. I'll be there in a moment. - I talked about last week? - No, it was my colleague. - I transferred the case to Emily. - Between. - You have a beautiful home. - Thank you. - They're beautiful. - Thank you much. You've done your best? It's just a hobby. I sell at craft fairs. The Indian ink on paper made handicrafts. No enriches you, but îþi gives satisfaction. Beautiful. Ms. Berman need to talk about Emily. - Are they legal guardian? - Yes, it's my niece. My sister and her husband, Emily's parents, died last year in a car accident. - I am sorry. - Emily was affected. I went through something similar. Of course, I was much older. I can imagine how it should be nine. - Can I talk to her? - Emily's upstairs in her room. It did well at first, but a date has changed. He fought with other children, hostility toward teachers, nightmares ... Delayed reaction might be expected in such cases. So I thought the first time, but were and others. - Emily had seizures. - How? As if going into a trance. He sees in her mind something terrible. - Considered it a doctor? - They believe it's the first time that autism. They did a series of tests, and then sent her to the Mayo Clinic for further tests. They excluded autism. Found something? I will tell him. He's been through so much. Poth to tell me. I'm here to help. White blood cell count drops daily. Doctors have never seen such a thing. At this rate he would die in two months. Honey, is there anyone here who wants to talk to you. Hi Emily, I'm Helen ... - Not true. - Emily ... - It's fine. - There's Helen. I remember that poem when I was a kid. - Thi-made it your Aunt? - Yes, yes, I did. Tell Emmy. Tell her how much you love poetry. Baby born Monday's show. Tuesday's child born graþios. Wednesday born child is full of pain. The child was born Thursday has you go. - Get out! - Emily, I just ... Pleacã ! Pleacã... Pleacã ! No, please, go! It's fine ! He says we die. With all know. - It's good. Now're here. - He says we die all know. - Who says that? - Mabus. Jordan claimed that he take a blood sample from the finger. Not healed. I checked mãtuoii story, parents, accident, everything is real. Have you heard anything about Anne? I checked and Anne Berman, it shows that humanoid. - I need a new fabric softener. - No matches, Eddie. How can a girl of nine years to tell us how to defuse a bomb Gua? How to know? It's a genius. As Jordan said, can changes his consciousness with Mabus ... - Maybe it comes into mind. - Or maybe he enters her. Mabus would help them and defuse own bomb? I doubt. I met with Gua communicating mediums. - What's so hard to believe? - I'm cautious. If so, the girl might say about us invasion strategy, Mabus's plans, everything. The key to stop the invasion is a little girl of nine years? A twist of fate, man. I like long oosetele. I warm pertain knee. Do you like lemonade? No problem if you do not talk. Sometimes it's better to shut up. When I was your age, I had nightmares often. Sometimes the fear doing things that you do not normally do. I had a problem once I hit a girl. - Thi ever happened? - Yes. Would you is telling me? Gina Rogolo took my dolls and I wanted to take it back. - So that you hit her? - Yes. Emily remembers îþi have sent an email to Paranoid Times? It was about a bomb. Sometimes I go to the computer and do not remember what I did. You want to tell me about Mabus? I know who he is, Emily. Poth trust me. It's big and înfricooãtor. His face is înfricooãtoare. - And I can not escape. - What kind of place is that? - It's big, small? - Looks like a corridor. It's in front of me, and I want to run. - But it's a light behind me. - What kind of light? Just as it is said in Heaven but this place is not heaven. I know that if I would touch him, everything dies. Just to Bath and enter? He called Jordan. He said they are not home. You befriended gardener? Raven Nation, buddy. I looked in all the files. Nothing special. There are no secret messages or battle plans Gua. Read the heavy books ... "A child born Monday's show." I love poetry. It's very mioto. I was born Tuesday. - Graþios? - It fits, does not it? If you're full of something Eddie ... certainly not grace. Very funny. The day you were born? - I do not know. Thursday, I think. - "Child born Thursday has it go." Story of my life. Look at this. What is Foster? Soldering scribble on the fridge? He's good at drawing. Closer. Now, look at this. Here ... See? And here. They're everywhere. I've seen this symbol ... but where? - Are not you in school. - There are not... But I understand what you see ... - In your visions. - It's ok, people at school are idiots. - I like you. - And you me. Have you told the school what you see? No! - Îþi remembers everything Mabus tell you? - Yes. - Îþi always talk directly? - Sometimes. Scuza-code. Jordan... Well, Cade. Thank you. Emily, îþi May remembers designs? - About you and your parents? - I drew for school. Îþi remembers those little drawings in the drawing? No! - You're good? - Do not touch me ! - Emily... - Pleacã ! - Stay away! - Emily ... Go away. Do not touch me! It's happening again. Stay away! - Emily, eu... - Pleacã, pleacã ! Emmy... Stay away! I got it. I failed. I knew that I've ever seen. - What do you got, Eddie? - Comes from the 17th century. Hindu iconography cult of a retired Indonesian village. - Vahna. Mysticism? - Yes, they believe in oamanism which means you are led by the religious leader or mystical. oamanii is believed to have special powers. What's the connection? Vahna is practiced in an occult ritual called Ahmar. - More information oleau ... - Abyss. Or nowhere, as the Nostradamus quatrain said. Ahmar ritual involves mental connection between two people, and mental connection allows these people to meet as Vahna Barish describes as a kind of hell. - As described Emily. - Exactly, but listen, Vahna ... talk about a bright white light, what some describe as the border between life and death. But Emily's drawings, e-mail? Perhaps trying to send us clues. The text says that the ritual is extremely tedious and often the result is death of one or both participants and the disconnects. And Emily is dying. Maybe that's not a clue. Maybe it's a cry for help. Foster ! - Foster, what is it? - I think we're missing something, Eddie. Or someone. I think the third muochetar missing. What? Come on, man admits. Felt something for her. Jordan? Yes, I feel for her. It's part of our team. You know what I mean. Feelings ... No, of course not. - You? - Me and Jordan? No, it's a professional relationship. Well, I'm glad we have established. Go after Jordan. I drive. - Linioteote you. - Da da da. You came here under the pretext that're psychologist and now you tell me being part of a fanatic group called Raven Nation? - Why not call the police? - Because they can not help you, I do. - You lied! - I had no choice. You'd expect me to believe that's possessed by a demon? I'm not talking about a demon. Soon will come a priest for an exorcism. You heard Emily, telling and dreams. I can only say that the person who speaks about exist. Pleacã sau chem poliþia. Anne, please. Emily's life is at stake. - Get out immediately! - Do not leave. Please go away. Leave me alone. Do not touch me ! Emily... - Resisted. Battling with him. - Do not touch me ! God! Anne ! God! You were right. - What did you see ? - I saw the one that told me. Said... What? Target destruction will be hit again. When Anne reached Emily was attracted to her. He said a second attempt. We must stop him. We are moving towards the building. We are telling you what we find. - Look, Cade. - And you. Something else about the girl? Not so simple, Cade. I'm not so forced. What should we do ? We must break the connection between her and Mabus. - Easier, right? - I know you drive, brother. - You broke all the rules. - I am a rebel. With hard soles ... Slow down! Cade, must help. No watch her die. After Eddie science, the only way is killing Mabus. Sounds good to me. Emily ... is the only way to find the Mabus. - There must be another way. - Eddie, watch out! Great. Fantastic! I like racing, Foster. Do not have your worries. Why should I worry? Jordan, I'll call you back. Thin on! I saw this on TV. There. Stops against the two cars. I do not believe. You left me to stop. - I thought it would work. - To park next to old cars? Wait a little. What do you want to say ? Hands up. Exit the car. You tell them old cars, classic cars I tell them. Odihneote you, baby. It must be Dr. Harris. I go. It's getting worse. How are you ? - You should leave. - I'm not going anywhere until you feel better. - It's too strong. - Will be fine. I know, Jordan. I feel inwardly. I do not understand. Do you feel? I read about it in the encyclopedia ... I see ... the Mabus. In the abyss. - I know what happens. - What happens ? Mor inside. I will not let you die. I do not think he can fight. Now we are fighting against. Mabus said he wants to do and Thiele have your bad. I can not stop. We are a good team. Nobody can beat us. - Do not let him have your hurt Emily. - Promising? I promise. - You love poetry? - I read it to my mother. It's not a poem. Say you'll die. What do you want to say ? The poem does not say anything about death. They are baby Wednesday Jordan. Full of pain. - Neither has acts. - You look familiar. You are right. Resembles the type of dog food advertising. - What? - That. Hey, you know who this guy? E Cade Foster. Who? Look on the list of the FBI. Cade Foster, wanted for murder across the country. Damn! - Do not know what you speak? - Yes, Foster. I can kill you, you bastard. You got me. I'm Cade Foster. I am a criminal and you better fucking hands up above. What you said ? I said, raise your hands up. Do not let me do anything, allow guns. Fan it! Do not be stupid. It's under threat weapon. - You knew, knew of Raven Nation. - I asked them to follow us. - To monitor the police frequency. - I really do not like my driving! Obviously Raven Nation that should keep us back, and not Eddie? Yeah good... - Where did you find the bomb? - Here in this crib. Foster gives me chills. - Warning. - What is it ? - I'm just saying ... - Hey, man, you're okay? Be careful. Uourel, 117. make any move. I do not believe. Extratereotri ... Mabus ... - It sounds crazy. - I do not blame you. This Emily? This ea? Why did you choose this? A customer ordered it and never got it. You said that Emily's parents died in a car accident. - What happened ? - Were scooi in decor. - And did not know who made it. - How do you know? It seems random, but it is not. What do you want to say ? I think they know what Mabus, chose Emily. To reach me. Aoadar, it's a trap. If I wanted to air the building's take we did a long time. I expect more than the famous 117, what people mean cunning and competent. - What does Mabus? - You see one, Foster. You have about 30 seconds. Kill Nambulous. Foster take him for dissection. Poetry my childhood. Both parents we lost ... Emily Mabus told me that wants to hurt me. He knows exactly what happens. I do not understand. He did all this, to get involved. Emily is not connected with Mabus, he is connected with it. Leave me alone. I do not want to die! It's happening again. Do something. Please ! Uourel, gentlemen. He is not Eddie Nambulous. Do not Acknowledge? Da, nu Mà recunoaoteþi? - It's the dog food advertising. - Dissection should wait. Emily ? Emily ! Come here and take my hand! Jordan comes Mabus, I feel. No, stay away from the light! Îþi harm. Whatever you do, do not get your let go of my hand. Capcana nenorocitã. This is bad, Foster. We must go to Jordan. It must be here somewhere. Emily. Emily ! Jordan. - Go ahead ! - Maybe. Up to you. Let go of Emily, has nothing to do with it! So be? Me want. You did all this to get to me. Go ahead ! Go ahead ! You're good? For a long time you want. Poth was not me. I am the messenger of the seventh, the last of the prophets list. I can not understand how big my power. Poth you did not resist. Fuck you. Look around and're already there. - Vino la mine, Jordan. - Nu ! Come on. Stop object. Feel my power. What are you doing ? Get out of my mind! - Let me in your mind. - No! - Stop it! - Get out! I resist Poth, Jordan. No. Please stop. Crossing the abyss between us. Come to me. Your word is enough. Emily, run! Tell me you're in Gua. Your word is enough. - Do not, Jordan! - Please, go ahead. - Kill me instead. - I cant do this. I have plans for you. Jordan, please. You have no idea how important you are. You are perfectly right ! - Come back 117. - Fugiþi into the light! - Do not dare! - It's the only way, Emily. Return, Jordan. You're mine, Jordan! I will find you ! You're good? He left. The key was the last line of the quatrain. "The child is issued with shadows behind." Shadows in the back. That happens when you go to the light. So it is. I think Emily's fear of light was his handling Mabus. She can not break the connection with him. He did like her to fear the only way to escape. Well done, Cade. The symbol of her drawings showed us good direction. We think we would have done without them. - And Emily had died. - How is she now? According to doctors, the leucocytes return to normal. It seems to be fine. It's a great girl. - Hey ... - Jordan, have to go? Yes, but I will miss you. - Did you get my mail trimiþi one? - I promise. You remind me of someone I know. - Looks like me ? - So it was a long time ago. Jordan, hopefully I'll be like you when I grow. Thank you! How about have some fun little? Come on. You'll be fine, Emily. Mai her! Above ! To the sky. The price war is growing, but we will try to draw a line ... To keep what we have. To fight for the future, where innocence can survive. - What day is it ? Sunday? - Saturday. Samba child thinks a hot bowl of chili And some clean sock would be perfect. Jordan, Foster is a child born Thursday I Tuesday. You what day you were born? Wednesday. Mabus told Jordan that has plans for her. It is important to Gua. What was he talking remains a mystery, but I doubt ... I fear what will bring this fight. Translation and adaptation Florin (c) thin What is blood sugar? - The test shows 39 - It's too low. Put infusion. Stay still. Stay still until ... - Damn! - Come on, talk to me. It is still struggling. I do not know what to do. Calm down! Make sure you breathe easy. We have 60 seconds to hospital. Dispatch, Crew 322. We are a man of 32 years with diabetes. We request assistance at the gate. In 1564 Nostradamus predicted the destruction of the world, 3 waves terrible. The first wave is here. My name is Cade Foster and these are my stories. They killed my wife, I was accused of murder. Now I'm on the run, but not hide. Guided by the prophecies of Nostradamus, I'm looking for, I hunt, I'll stop ... The first wave Translation and adaptation AdyC - Florin / (c) thin Have them an IV and give fluids. Lose blood very quickly. Hold here. Faster or lose his leg. - I need 2l 0 negative immediately. - I do not like her breathing. We intubated. - Give me an infusion. - What we have there, Jim? I found him passed out wearing bracelet events and diabetic. It smelled of alcohol. A quick check showed he had 39. It's all right, sir. Hold on. - Get your infusion set? - Do not leave us. Struggling too hard. All right. We'll take him. Well, I put the infusion. Someone to check blood glucose levels. All right. I stabilized. Let's get him in recovery. - Go. - Okay. Good. Let's see what we have here. John Howard. What blood glucose levels? 65. Almost normal. You can not. They said I have £ 39 in ambulance ă. Maybe it was defective device. Let it go Let it in saloon and £ ie we keep under observations. Take him to reserve 23 and do it all the blood tests, every two hours. Driven to desperate act, fighting in a war where the enemy does not see anyone, or will not believe. I will continue alone. I can not. Catrenul 12 century V ... Where angels grace -grace- touch someone without sight, sees dark enemy. The human right twice blessed ally leads to victory. "Where angels touching grace" could be right here at Grace Hospital in Los Angeles. The city of angels. Somewhere between these walls could be an ally who knows what I know. I need that ally. - Good. - Good. Pull the curtain, Eddie. It may not be a good idea, analogy can be made that I brought flowers. You escaped without insulin. You are wild, man. Yes, it happened just like you said it would spend. I had to fight a lot with paramedics do not ask me infusion. - How are you? - Tired. Here's your equipment. Thank you! Put them next to the bed, please. What the hell am I doing here, Eddie? What's up, man? When I was put in the ambulance I know it will be a failure. That sense now. Insulin that you're crazy, right? - Get used to it. - Seriously, Eddie. I killed the bastard who killed Hannah. I retaliated. - I lost motivation. - Did you cut your hand, man! But all the remaining body. Each experiment that I have disclosed, more and more people began to believe. Do not leave me, man ... we still have much work. Eddie ! Have you ever thought that maybe we can not win? Yes, I am strong. Maybe I do not have much faith in the human race. But I trust you, Foster. You can beat these bastards them. Come on man, you have to find an ally. Let's focus on that. Okay. You have accessed the database of the hospital? I tried, but do not have a central database ... That's hospitalization for 23 hours, Eddie. That's all the time we have. Looking for someone without sight. A blind patient. Look of Directors, staff has completed the exchange. Try to surgery after hours ... Look, I gotta go, I'm starting to eat nose. Okay. Hi. What are you doing? I do not know if you can hear me, but how about some fun? A little silly nurse ... Good night. You think you're so classy young doctors. Put on some socks. And do not walk down the hall without white coat. They contaminate the surgical green ones. I swear I do not know how these kids have graduated from medical school these days ... If I do not like you, you who work? I guess not. Too bad. I did not want to break the rules, sir. Thanks for socks and gown. It's okay. It's not a crime to be proud ... to work. OPHTHALMOLOGY. - Dr. Markowitz gave you the third degree? - So it seems. Definitely do not want to upset him. You can make life difficult. - I'll remember. - I do not know the place, looking for a patient 507. There must be a mistake. Everything starts with five hundred, is in the west wing and is closed for 2 years. Well ... Thanks! So you stand there holding my medical records or you get? What makes you think I plug in your hand? Well I have eyes, right? - The medical record says you are blind. - Who are you? I'm one of your doctors. In that statement says that there are bad? You're not a doctor. - Is that so? - Only if doctors smell of liquor. If you came to rob the blind girl, you lucky. Only if somehow you came for food stamps in my purse in the closet. That's not why I came. You rapist? You think I can not recognize a thousand? The last guy who tried to rape me, left the hospital trying to quiet part of his body ... Are you done? Or maybe you're mentally ill and you are lost. You have a very vivid imagination. I had a long time to imagine. How much? You lost to 6 months when I lived in South Central ... - It's a tough place to be blind. - Like you know everything. I read your statement in recovery. Write that have been operated eye two weeks ago. So you have to play? I'm not telling. Listen. Play what you want. But you know what are you doing in this wing dropped. Who are you? I am someone who wants to help you. Hospital that's not right. I do not think you're safe here. We had someone come to ruin the best thing that happened to me. - Alyinka not. - Get out of here. Okay. But ask yourself this. What helps? Someone gave you something for free, ever? This este Alyinka? - Was anyone here. - Who? - He said he's a doctor. - What's his name? - No said. - What did he want? - He said. - What did he say? He wondered why they are in this wing. He wanted to know who keeps me here. I brought you here because we do not place Alyinka. Yes, but not out of here. After 22 years in the dark can not see anyone outside the room. You can talk to the doctor about it tomorrow. Lie down and rest your eyes. - Foster? - I think I found an ally, Eddie. - Who is it? - A girl from South Central. - Blind? - Was blind. Apparently it was operated to restore order. - I was playing order? - Something strange is happening here, Eddie. Quatrain say that blind woman sees dark enemy. Maybe I'm crazy, but she could see the aliens. - We can tell who they are. - It can be expected that gun. - A man to lead us to her ... - I can not speak. Hey, are you okay? Mr. Swartz Okay, let's see how you this morning. Fever decreased. You do not have bladder infection ... No more bumps, urine is clear ... Hey, you're in good shape. I know I know. The whole body feel pain ... Let's say a real pain. But hopefully for a while is the last time a change. Rezistaţi according to Swartz. Good morning Alyinka. I understand that you want to see the world today. - I would like very much. - It's okay. But be careful to wear these for protection. Serve meals at the cafeteria. I know it's not much, but at least get out of that cramped room. I agree. But now I want to look at those eyes us. - Everything is white. - Nothing. There are still sensitive to light. - It's normal? - I do not know what's normal. When I replaced my eyes, I diverted the optic nerve. Everyone has a blind spot in the visual field. But you did not. It's a new procedure, but do not think you have nothing to worry about. Are you sure? I still expect something to go wrong. I am so sure that I programmed the final stage. The transplantation of the cornea. By this time tomorrow, you'll have a perfect view and gorgeous eyes. You do not seem very happy. You were very kind to me, Dr. Reid. I never ... know ... When you're blind, you lose all hope. No hope to never see. You can not. - Must be overwhelming for you. - It is. - What's wrong, Alyinka? - Why are you doing this, Dr. Reid? Who pays for the operation? Where do I get nothing for free. That's what it was? We have enough funds. We are a research hospital. You have nothing to worry about. Excuse me sister, Mrs. Steven want to check infusion of 212. You must stay with the patient. This patient will be fine here, 5 minutes, as you do your job. Sorry Doctor, but just can not let this patient. What you really can not do is to ignore the requirement of a senior doctor. This hospital is falling apart, and this attitude does not help. Wait here, Alyinka. The smell of liquor. - How did you know I was here? - You still have that smell of liquor ... I think it's pointless to lie to you ... Yesterday I poured alcohol on me as paramedics to think I'm drunk. - Are you really went with Hulk '. - No, I'm not. - What's your name? - Cade. Well, Cade. Something bothers me and I want to know what you know, honestly. Honestly? Honestly. 400 years ago, a prophet to look to the future and saw someone special. Someone who can see the enemy dark around us ... I believe Nostradamus saw you you. What else did he say that Nostradamus? That you help me defeat them. Two of us? I think we can. I think we can defeat the enemy dark Batman. Alyinka need to know what you see. Be my guest. Some people look different to me than others. Can you see! Dr Reid says that all people have a blind spot. But I did not. It's like a new procedure or something. Alyinka today everything changes. - It will be something new, they know that you see? - No. Must be a side effect. You have to get you out of here. Wait a moment. I'm blind as I can remember, so do not even know what I see. But what I know is that people which talk to me and I played seem to work. How do I know you're not the enemy dark? You said something bothering you. When I went into surgery, I was sedated, but still awake. And where I went ... it was crazy. It smelled like rotten meat. If you can find that place and show you the truth ... Will you help me? I thought you might wanna see this. Type diabetic who came yesterday. Look at the blood tests. He had blood alcohol, not even beer drunk. He had normal blood sugar level throughout the night. - What do you think? - I think someone is playing with us. - Where is she now? - Also in room 23. The Council was convinced of the importance of human anatomy experiments ... First. Do not give them a reason to close the hospital. Redo analyzes. Sister, come here! It was late at night, when I went down a corridor. When we stopped I heard a buzz. A basic disappear and appear. It was near an elevator and went. I think I fell. I counted 4 'ding' sites until we stopped. When I came down, I felt it was dirt and mold. I do not remember which way I went, but the water flowed over. I heard something ... a fizzle. As the wind. I was scared. Not just because of the operation ... But because I felt something. I do not know ... Alyinka are freaks ... experimenting on humans. It fel experienced? Let's say I found your donor, only that he did not sign the papers. - Let's get you out of here. Come on. - Okay. - Wait. I can not leave. - What? Tomorrow cornea to receive us. You can see everyone. Listen, Alyinka. They will not help you. Will you study. And when they finish studying, they'll kill you. What? Who are they "? Do not believe me. All that matters is that seizes us. And you and I are the best hope that mankind has to stop. That said the great Nostradamus? Yes, it is. No dead to tell me what to do. You can see them. This means you can save lives. If you are blessed with a gift and you're wasting ... There's nothing worse than that. Nothing worse. I doubt what Nostradamus predicted about me. Sometimes I lose my motivation. Then I see a place like this and had to do something. I was baby in mother's arms, street when a bullet went through the bedroom window. I lost my eyes and I lost my mother. My brother, my sister and I went straight to the orphanage. Sorry for that. But that does not change your responsibility. You're wrong Cade, they exchange. I learned from an early age that are responsible for one person ... for me. I will smite place. Then I'll come back for you. Hey, hey, you're not a doctor. I thought maybe ... No, I would not be realized. You investigator, is not it. The medical council. Why? How do you know? Honestly, this hospital has worsened throughout the year. Unsanitary working conditions, inpatients wrong, doctors weird walking around. The first time you saw me you thought you are a new doctor. I mean, it was an invasion of trainees here. Dre, Markovitz, I think part of the new doctors the group wants to take her to hospital. - A conspiracy, right? - Yes. Da. How to trust me. I saw how you handled the old man next to me. You look different, you care. Did anyone ever told you? You have gorgeous eyes. You have a noble concept on this planet ... Revelation, a kind of cosmic collision events from Trinity to God. No to discuss religion with an alien. Too bad, because you made me believe in revelation, from the moment you walked into custody. Foster. That's right, we know who you are. In fact, the Council has planned to bring you as you study. But we've spared the effort. Revelation ... Use the hospital to investigate people. People will find out. Nobody cares what happens in psychiatric hospitals. That's why I chose Grace Hospital. Dr Markovitz knew that something's wrong. Dr. Markovitz, was the last of the old doctors. Stubbornly refused a generous pension. Now ... Let's get started. Who left the door open it. You had a bad dream, Alyinka. Damn! The human eye fascinates me. People can see so much with him. Often information does not reach the brain. I do not know why. Alyinka needs a new cornea to see. Yours will only be good. Anything for a good deed. Each of here wants a piece of you, literally. I made the first choice. Let me see your creativity freaks. How do you do? So how do your doctors ... Our doctors save lives! Your medical discoveries were made less important species ... Rats, pigs, sheep, monkeys ... What do you think mean to me? When you put this solution in your eyes you will lose your vision temporarily ... But I will not bother you. After all I'll cut corneas. It might hurt a little. Cade! - You are here Cade! - Alyinka, run! Should not have come, Alyinka. It was a dream, is not it? I saw you in this room with the boy. - These are his eyes, eh? - What counts. - You can see. - Yes ... It matters. Stupid girl! You are half blind, what will I do? I ran after me with a lighter? You do not. My lighter will follow. - Are you okay? - Yes. I can not see are blind. Where's the dr. Reid? I took care of it myself, I'm sorry it came to this. Well ... Okay, put your arm around me. - You out. - I'm dizzy. Okay. Easy ... What is it? What happened? Dr. Reid has disappeared, his body was right here. It's okay Alyinka, alien corpse evaporated when he dies. - This aste. - E dr. Reid! He did not die! Find a weapon, find something. - Do you see? - No not yet. We could use some light. - Where is it? - I do not see it. Light is too strong, my glasses. Two blind rats. Two blind rats. Here's how running ... Here's how running ... - I smell? - No, the whole room smells like rotten meat. Listen! Listen! It's your right. Remember stretcher. - Let's go! - Wait. - I have not heard die. - I hear he dies? The aliens make a noise when they die. Cade, that's the sound? Where are you? What happens? Cade? What happens? Speak to me! Be my guest. I'm here. Here are ... That's strange burned ... - They destroyed the evidence. - And that's not all ... After all the research ... We can not tell where hospital staff disappeared. We have one thing in all this. - On Alyikna. - Your ally. Not your ally. I need your help, Alyinka. Sorry Baths, to be a hero, it's your job, not mine. Do I have a choice? I can not close my eyes knowing what happens, I have to do something. Naturally, you are. I know who I am. Alyinka have eyes now. When you see the suffering of others, you change your mind. Nostradamus was referring ... At you. It's your fate, you have a mission. Da, am. We mission to see his face for the first time my sister. Let me look into the eyes of my brother. Not what I meant. Do not you understand, right? You said you doubt ... That you lost motivation. You seem to have a purpose now ... Check prophecies again Foster. I met the mission. Alyinka! So I watched them leave ... Alyinka chose against her destiny predicted by Nostradamus. Or maybe not. Perhaps tip that helped me climb it was my doubts amount. Because I learned something about myself from Alyinka ... I'm not fighting aliens to clear my name ... Or to avenge his wife's death. Even for that Nostradamus predicted this. I fight because that's me. And I will not give up until you win. Translation and adaptation AdyC - Florin / (c) thin Gua hit hard. Mabus joined the body in Jordan and over. Raven Nation Army was destroyed. Her generals are dead. Survivors were scattered. After all I've done. Do not accept defeat. I choose to believe in the future. And despite what happened, though we can win this battle. I have to believe that. - Post it on the net. - And then? Then get to work. To find a way to get him out of his body on Mabus Jordan. Foster, I tried everything. Catholic Exorcism ... Cases psychological incantaþii Buddhist. Even ... I even brought the book of Nostradamus here does not escape me something. I have nothing. Maybe it's time to face the truth. What truth? This is a good time to rethink our strategy. What you say ? Jordan to quit? They're just saying we have remaining options. There's always an option, Eddie. We should be seeking. Foster fought for three years and we are back at the beginning. No, we're worse. I'm realistic. No, accepþi defeat! Correct me if wrong, just that we took. - We have no luck, man. - What are you, Eddie? Want to quit? Yes, maybe. Foster, ascultã... - We are moving into the area. - What? What is it ? If you have not ordered a mountain of pizza, then we have problems. Have you heard anything? No ... nothing. If! I have no bullets! Sit down. Now when we thought it can not be worse. - How did they find? - Jordan's memories. What matters now? In 1564 Nostradamus predicted the destruction of the world, three terrible waves ... The first wave is here. My name is Cade Foster. That's my story ... They killed my wife, they were charged for murder ... Now run but not hide. Profeþia lui Nostradamus mã cãlãuzeote. Am sã-i descopãr... Am sã-i vânez... I have to stop! Season 03 Episode 18 The first wave Translation and adaptation Florin (c) thin 117... - Where's Eddie? - Good hands. You have me. You need it. Let him go. I cant do this. - Why do not you kill me, get it over with. - Soon. I want your death to mean something to Gua. Do not get your game Mabus. Pain is a way to clarify things. You play any game I want. What happens here ? How long will that take? Omoara-code. What is it ? You fell asleep ? You can not win. I was champion of martial arts in 1989. You wanna weakens the links? I have a problem with circulation. You're starting to annoy me. Let me go now, dammit! Who is ? Waiting for someone? I'm glad we talked. Ms Greetings from me. - Where did your friend? - Stand guard outside. We do not need it, as long as you cooperate. Dl Eddie Nambulous... alias Larry Pisinski... Alias Crazy Eddie. Name the man behind the man whom they call it 117. - You're who? - My name is Segon. I wanted to meet you for some time, Eddie. I know you have secrets you want them shares the. There also share anything with you. Please... I asked to cooperate. How about this ? Cooperate with out, your ass alien. Ingenious ... but not very smart. Eddie, I'm specialist in extracting information. I had the pleasure to extract the secrets of the brain many forms of extraterrestrial life. And I failed every time. I want to tell me everything. Mã înþelegi, Eddie ? He lost much blood. Heart muscles were extremely Seek. Watch it, or you get into the same state. This device was designed to cure any human being. You must have the same effect and 117. Jordan ? Nu, Mabus. - What are you doing ? - Fix you. When I reached almost stood logged in heart. Do not move the. Let us know! Why have you saved? You want to kill me slowly? Many believe that the will Gua your powerful differentiate you from others ... And that makes you invincible. - So I hear and I. - I intend to change their opinion. You definitely have something to prove. I brought you here for a purpose. I'm going to obey. Ceroeoti before my death, Foster ... We'll help you win. Download every file you've ever created, Eddie. It should be useful for us. Of course, I need the password. I'll say not logged in. Fuck you! Eddie ... these needles are made of metal I found that on a planet that I won it. The metal make changes in the nervous system. Dezlãnþuie pain is indescribable. If you oppose resistance will lead to increased pain. You're sure you do not want to talk to me, Eddie? - Not scare that easy. - Good... If it's easy, it's fun. A feel? Feel it pulsing through your body? Opreote-l. Give me your password and pain will cease. - No, God stops it! - Îþi do worse, Eddie. Please... Unbelievable ! Please ... do not. - I have not finished. One more question. - No. Enough. Listen carefully and answer honestly. Where is the Nostradamus? Where is Eddie? Tell me instead. Wake up, Eddie. You did not answer my question. Gua have tried to obey but have failed. - You give wrong and this time. - Even so? Îþi will show what wrong. Pain means nothing to me, But Jordan ... A feeling deep down. Þipã, Foster. O auzi ? Enough! See? Your feelings are your weakness for Jordan. You know it is still inside. He formed a wall to keep me out. To stop me-steal thoughts and memories. - But it collapses wall. - It is strong. I'm stronger. Every day progressive and learn more. I found Raven Nation. I found you. Soon the wall will fall, and Jordan will disappear. He would rather die than have your yield. Seriously ? Go ahead. Let's see how strong you are. You could not kill me when you had the chance. Poth to do now? Jordan it craves. Put an end to her pain and yours. - Fan it! - Nu! You want to do! That's exactly why I do it. Started understanding. Do not rush. Think about the fate of Jordan. - Think about your fate. - Fuck you! You will fail. There you'll find the tranquility of death have your, until you give in. And now the game starts. Book of Nostradamus. The most important weapon in your arsenal and you will hold here? Maybe you moved it because Mabus was captured on Jordan. Always þanc bit to see? Aoadar, you have. Great cheese. - Books not revenge. - Are not you convince Eddie. We are aware of the importance of this book. It was the key to your success. Finally ... There Gua. Actually, Eddie, I would say really over. Tell Mabus ... that I have. - Your friend gave us the book. - Eddie? - What did you do? - I ended the life of useless. No, no lie. atii cã nu mint. L-ai trãdat, Foster. Omuleþul others who rely on you, It is now food for worms. You betrayed him and betrayed humanity. You lose. No! There will be others like me ... better than me. Every invasion, there is someone like you ... A fool who knows he has already lost. If you've already lost what should have your book? What should have your damn book? I'm a messenger. Should Poth see the future? But you need that book. Because you do not know if you'll win! And that means that we have a chance. There you. Have you had prophecies that will guide. We had predictions from the messenger. Now I have both. Chess-mat. Not yet. You have not won yet. You're right in the respects of a thing. I am a true messenger. Look, have your looks. Look, Foster, the future of humanity. Your future. You all hate the bastards. It was a pleasure working with you, Eddie. The interrogation was a challenge, but full of enjoyment. Please, don't do that. I do not want to remain traces of your existence. The fire will burn faster. Have your suffering will not be long. Please ! Well... Fence, what happened? I never thought I'd be ever so happy to see a Gua. The device will help, but your consciousness is too strong. Poth deplete the body before it to serve its purpose. It will hold enough for what we do. You woke up. I thought that would get your nice to see one of my treatments. A kill. Finally. Jordan's body must withstand, Until I find a body strong enough. - Where it plãnuieoti to find yourself? - I'll take care of it right now. Take me. Go on Jordan. I do not think so. I love this body. - Not logged find attractive? - Do you inwardly. Unfortunately. I am telling you that you want. You had the chance to tell him how much dom of it, right? Unfortunately. I think you have to you live with that. - How did you find me ? - I monitored the activities Gua. 36 hours ago mobilized research teams across the country. - Gua destroyed Raven Nation. - I know. That's why I came looking for you. - Looks like we're just in time. - Not quite. They took Foster. Probably they took him to Mabus. His fate is uncertain. Uncertain? That's an assertion. I'm surprised you left so alive. Segon is renowned for being ruthless. It's a party animal ... with a mission ... To find it. Nostradamus. I heard about this book. I do not think I see. I do not think I will ever showed logged in. Damn! - It's very strange. - What? A long time ago, Gua won a small planet and quickly destroyed it. - I fought in the invasion. - Bravo Thiele. Expect a medal? That was the symbol of that civilizations. It was a race of scientists and philosophers. I won easily planet. Wait so. This symbol is the cornerstone of almost any theory of conspiracy in history. Understand? Humanity has extratereotrilor. But it is a symbol associated with a book about Gua. It's so incredible? It should be a symbol of humanity. Each vertex of the triangle is a state of being. Intellectually, physically and spiritually. The eye unites them all three. In the astral plane. He sees everything. This never happened. Brother ... What the hell? - This is ... - Unbelievable? Da! I always suspected that could be omega quatrains in the book. Omega ? Last quatrains to be used ultimately. But why are written in Aramaic, that does not understand. Aramaic? The old language in the Middle East. - You're sure? - Absolutely. The translator does not mind. - I think it is a primary form. - That's worrying. - Tell me and me. - The language is familiar. - Where did you see Aramaic? - Where have I seen and symbol. On the planet that we invaded. No, it would mean that Nostradamus to bring Aramaic from another planet. Or someone brought Aramaic on this planet and ... That would ... Nostradamus would have been alien. I lost minds. - What happens ? - You're a prisoner of war. - Shut up you are talking logged. - I know you. Joshua. - Are not you just a traitor ... - Do not even dare to say. Wait ... Translation finished. We have something. The multiple faces and subject, Sound Rãspândeote it invisible. Îmblânzeote and flay the beast to grab future times. Multiple? The multiple, that is. That's the key. Multiple personality. MPD. CIA has experienced this. They used low frequency noise that treat her. A reference to the invisible sound. It potriveote. Low frequency suppress certain personalities of people with MPD. And Jordan has two personalities in her body. It's her and Mabus. If I'm right, we might have a way to skinning the beast. One way to get him out of his body on Mabus Jordan. Here we say exorcism. Tied like a dog. How do you feel, Foster? Great. I can do this all day. All're spiritual. Good. I have not even started to question you. There is no lock that you can not open. - You'll never get out of here. - Concerns Me I return to Jordan. Security alarm! All security personnel at stations. - Do not move the or dead. - Do what he says. Sit there ! Sadly, Foster. You did exactly what I expected. Like any human being. I leave here. Out of my way. Reacþionaþi all just in front of death. Initially warts, then try to negotiate to escape. Are not you agree? Doctor keeps you alive. Back or dead! I do not negotiate. If I could remove them only Jordan and Foster there, I would do it. - I need help, Joshua. - It will work. Even if you're right in the respects quatrains Mabus' bunker's very secure. Hell, Joshua, must try! You do not even know if Foster is alive! You came here because you need us. You do not have anyone to help you in battle. You have only ourselves! The Liniotit. There is a reason why it should ajuþi Foster. - And what? - He would do the same for you. It is impossible to get past security. The mission would be suicide. What are you doing ? Segon knows how to get past security and into the bunker to reach his Mabus. I will not say anything. I do not think so. - Do not operate the Gua. - Good. I once had an unpleasant experience with those. SALT That's more my taste. Revenge will be terrible. - How do you feel? - What ... What do you do? This device has a unique frequency spectrum. Slows the decomposition of bodies that they use ... But for people like you, it has a different effect. No no. I can not take it anymore. Îþi directly stimulates neurological history. In other words... At the same time the pain, feel a deep regret. Regret will be the last experience before accepting defeat. Enjoy it. Nothing like that. I ... I ... I'm sorry. I am sorry. And this is just the beginning. Opreote. Opreote-l ! Do you think it will work really? I used all kinds of low frequency generators. You need to adjust the correct frequency modulator to find yourself. - This is insane. - That's why it will work. Do you have a phone with my number generator JF and many weapons. What could go wrong? I hope that the memory of Segons about security hopper right. Try at least once to be optimistic. Joshua ? Mulþumesc. I will return ... With Foster and Jordan. - M-ai trãdat, Cade. - Te înoeli. - I need your help. - I do not believe ! How could you do this? I could not stop. You're a loser. You left me to die, Foster. I needed you. I tried to fight. - I tried. - Not enough! I believed in you, Foster. - I cheated. - No, that's not true. Help me fight them. It's okay, Cade. You tried, that's important. - I'm sorry, Jordan. - Go ahead. Do not resist. I can not. To be together, Cade. I love you. You had no chance, 117. Jordan ? You had no chance, Foster. Mabus. What do you want to say ? Mabus. Mabus ! To be convincing. Second. Code of autorizare ... Empiricist XT7. Introduce yourself and bring me the book. Yes, Mabus. I am coming. It was not the will to defeat me, right? I changed my mind when you were caught. You just played a game. I prãjeoti brain. You were inside. The truth is that you will lose. Prophecy predicted your alliance with Jordan and my destruction. I was deeply concerned, but then I had a vision And I saw the union as my perfecþiunii key. What do you want to say ? You helped to create the perfect body for my conscience. Oh no. No! Samantha for the new body grows in me. THI have fulfilled the mission, Foster. Now you die. Foster, he's Segon. She brought me the book. Nu, Mabus... No, Mabus, I have the book. We do not have much time. The security system is disabled. Bins unauthorized scans. Aoadar, Eddie is right? Did not I would say so, but lives. Even you think there's chance to go? If quatrains interpretation is correct, This will weaken Mabus frequency until you die. But it will not be harmful to Jordan. She is still inside. Will fight again. The anesthetic begins to work. Be ready. We have established sound frequency. - Gua Mabus speaks English. - Translate! Let's say something unpleasant. - Do not kill me Poth. - Do not know if it works. Let it. I want to kill the bastard. Jordan ? Jordan, mã auzi ? Foster, you're? - It's locked from the inside. - Skip, now! Cade, I thought I never see you. I am here. What happened ? Arathi terrible. - Where's Eddie? - We are waiting. I remember something about Raven Nation. Something happened. I know that something happened. Îþi explain later. I outta here. - What happens ? - I can not go with you. - What do you want to say ? - I can feel it in my mind. - Mabus, fight back. - Low frequency goes. - Try again! - No time! It's right, Cade. It becomes stronger. I feel it. - Do not leave without you. - You have no choice. Must. - Listen to me. We can not go out ... - We'll find a way. Unless you and Joshua remain and who left. - Jordan ... - You! You must continue the fight so that we can win tomorrow. - Come in. - Please. I do not have much time. Pleacã ! - I failed. - Follow Me - Leave the guns down. - Mabus, a violation of security. There is no infringement. The situation is under control, no thanks to you. - What's the 117? - He and Joshua departing nevãtãmaþi. - There will be escortaþi out and release. - But Mabus ... It is an order. We'll see. I promise. They hit us, we hit back. It will remain so. - It did not work. - Can Mabus is too strong. Perhaps this quatrain was just about to help Jordan. Forget about the last verse. "To take the time to come." It's you. I think you have a chance to defeat the Mabus. That means that we have a chance to save on Jordan. Do you think this symbol alien has something to do with Nostradamus? Maybe. Joshua's right. Who knows? Now we follow omega quatrains. May're in the game? I never exited. Joshua ? I wish I had killed Mabus, when Jordan could not be saved. - That was not an option. - I had the enemy and I gave way. That will not happen. Omega remaining three quatrains. - That means it's almost invasion. - Probably. Use omega quatrains, but now you struggle set the terms for me. I wanted to leave Jordan, but I chose to continue fighting. Another chance of beating Mabus and stop the Gua. I must believe that was the right choice. Mabus said that the human brain appears inevitable regret, in the face of death. But I can not fight regretting the past. In this war can only look forward. I must fight for the future. You'll pay for that, Jordan. Îþi promise you'll be crushed. You thought I Poth defeat but you know that you grow in your sanctuary. In time... Will there be one. Translation and adaptation Florin (c) thin Let's talk about what you said last week. Man, I do not remember what I said yesterday. Talking about an amusement park. Playland. Tell me about it. There were carousels, carousels ... all kinds of food ... The best dishes that you can imagine. You said that the fight was an essential part of daily rituals. Red King. Let Playland for a moment. Let's talk about what happened in the restaurant. Sure. You were angry with those people, Garry? I do not even know. What happens in your head? Nothing. People were lined up in front of you. Victims. You were prevented from taking food? I had pain. Pains? Tell me about it. Distraught. I've always been a fighter, so I supported. Then came a stranger. I turned on the street. While I was in the restaurant, something clicked in my head. Therefore I killed those people. Damn, I miss the playland. Garry, every day for nine months we had meetings. I have not made any progress. We have to separate fantasy from reality. You grew up in an amusement park. You substitute a delusional fantasies as a way to cover your fury. Records indicate that you ran away from home to twelve years. You lived on the streets. Let's try to get to the root of your feelings. Abandonment, loneliness ... Doctor ... I agree with you. Stop it! You killed my brother. In 1564, Nostradamus predicted the destruction of the world, My name is Cade Foster. That's my story ... They killed my wife, I was accused of murder ... Now run but not hide. Nostradamus Prophecy guides me. I'll find ... I'll hunt ... I'll stop! Season 02 Episode 15 The first wave Translation and adaptation Florin (c) thin Catrenul 32 century I. "Through a door light lance killers young wild spat. Among the machines that amuses reckoning comes at twice blessed. Fork Falls, South Dakota. Garry Lanning killed nine people in a fast-food. Police found eating fries. When Garry's psychiatric report was made public, wrote that fantasize about time spent in an amusement park which he called Playland. Of course, that was before psychiatrist to stab the heart with the stylus. I'm "young killers" as Garry, a part of the experiment Gua? That's what I came here to find out. - Eddie ? - Foster. - How was it? - You were right, man. In this place, there are abnormal electrical ion ... way. Quatrain mention about a door light. We have already seen how Gua have created a quantum space and Garry Lanning said psychiatrist it was through a kind of portal. Maybe that's it. We must be very careful. I put the thoughts Einstein's definition of relative synchronism. Reîmprospătează-my memory. Time and space scales are based on the speed of light, but there is no way of knowing what will happen to the other side. You could be blocked, killed ... whatever. Stop trying to scare me, Eddie. Dude, it's crowded here! All right. Here it is. Let's see, Eddie ... interdimensional journey requires two things. Portal and source of energy to get through that door. Exact. That is the source, brother. It will create an electromagnetic field. It will change the gravity ... And I will let you pass. I hope so. - I feel nothing. - Probably not. It changes the molecular structure around you, but there is no guarantee that the portal which we will use to get back in this actually be in the same place on the other side. So you need to find the ohmmeter. And electromagnetic energy in order to come back. Right. - Okay, let's do it. - You have to run as fast as you can - This way. - What if it does not work? It will be as if you hit a car. Dude, be careful. Scumpule da ...! Du-te! Damn! A! - It's okay, do not hurt. - I'll cut! Give me the knife! It's okay. It's okay. - Who are you? - I'm blue. - What? - A blue. Hands up or you bleed! Do not move. After him, brethren. - Who are you? - My name, Cade. I spoke to a guy about this place. It's called Gary. - Are you a foreigner? - Who? - A stranger? - No. You are red? I am a friend of blue. If you try anything funny ... You bleed. - We would use a new brother. - Against Rosie? - We will provide food offer in return. - Tomatoes are like you? - For your age? - Yes. We put questions, not you. - Starving, man. - I. Five days without a win. That did not happen when Garry was captain. - Garry is not here, right? - I'm sorry, Elias. Stop whining! Got something to say? What's your plan, smart guy? - Analyze what went wrong. - We know what went wrong. - We have no coaster. - I suggest to divide the team. Some will attack the front and the other from the line of separation. - We have two guards there. - We will hold two brothers in reserve. We'll hide behind the line and I'll throw you over blue start fighting. Too bad you could not fight your talk. Garry went campaign? - Not really. - It was a good rocker. With many brass. - He killed ten people. He killed ten? A true hero, that's for sure. Garry was blue? - It was red. - King tomatoes. - I'm the king of blues. - How did you become king? - Through hard work. - Best fighter takes over. - When Gary was here, how did he go? - Took a stranger. - A stranger? - An adult. I thought you were an alien who came to take him Peter. - How show this stranger? - It was an adult, like you. - How did you get here first? - A long time ago, maybe a few years. We're all fugitives. We lived in Pike Street in Seattle, in an abandoned house. I was surrounded. I thought they were police officers and suddenly I woke up here. Death fighters! Peter! Red is the dividing line. Some of them have passed it. Guys, go to the dividing line. Take two good fighters. Six go to cover. Two go up. Switch positions! Forward! Peter ! Peter ! Red retreat! If you have! - What is that thing? - Source of food. - Man with gun ... What are you doing? - Looking source of food. Food stops pain. It was here forever? - I know, yes. - We always feeds after battle? But tomatoes? How are fed? It's beyond food source. They have grub. For this attack your tomatoes? To get food? - They did not have to come. - I came to know, Why did Garry killing 10 people. I think I figured it out. Since you were at the time bombs, you away from the real one. Dude, that's crazy! - Do you wonder who does that? - Why would I do that? Why? You could be like Garry, a criminal who killed a guard. Listen, I have the equipment to go back to reality, but if we cooperate, we can find a way out of this place. Who says I want to leave here? I came from hell. Parents and police beat me again. - Here at least we eat. - I understand. And my past has been. - Then you know how it is. - I know, but you have to keep your strength for the true enemies. I will not cooperate with tomatoes, ever. Never. - I'll take him Peter, right? - I'm not a stranger, Dawn. It can not survive there. There are too many villains and police. - It was meant to live there. - I do not want to hurt anyone. I need your help. I want to convince Peter to go from here. Now you fight with sticks and stones, but sooner or later, someone will die. What do you know? At least we are free here. This park is a great experiment. You like rats running after the cheese. You're too blind to see that you find yourself in a maze. - Did you see the cameras? - Yes. I know what this place will find a way to go. A little teamwork will help me. Maybe it's a stranger who came to take him Peter. - Peter is not good for foreigners. - It is. No it is not. - It's better than Garry. - Shut up! I should have listened to you. I failed. If foreigners take him Peter, will be easier for us to defeat the blue. The stranger walks in the middle, with Peter. - Now is the time to attack. - Do not advised. Adults have weapons. Surely we lose any confrontation. Stop talking! Damn! Me crazy. Am o idee. - What are we looking for? - It's a food source room. Entries must be sent to a receiver somewhere. I suppose there is a control center, where records. - Who does this? - A group called Gua. - I am a tough band? - Yes, I'm a tough band. I assume that foreigners are operatives Gua. And I take the best of you back into reality. - Where did you learn that? - In his youth. Hello? Anybody out there? Nothing. - I feel sick. - It's okay. - Do you know who I am? - They were blue. I did not want to continue. They tried to get out. - I did not know anything about them. - Well, now we know. Let's move on. You know what to do. No blow it. That's the last garage. - Be careful! - What is it? - I feel red. - A little, Peter. - What are you, Red? - Help! Let's get out of here! - We come in peace. - Slăbătura tried this trick. - Expect a fight, red. - Please do not hurt me. - Easy, Peter. - You fight well and send him back. - No, please. - To ask him a few questions. Food source will flow if it beat blood. - Please do not. - Nobody's going to beat you. - I am the leader of the blues. - Then act like a leader. - Why leave it? - You want to see it, brother. Make sure you do not miss. You have to be brought Garry. Garry, data inputs. Careful, Peter. Peter, data inputs. What is Gua band? - They are aliens. - Sure. They want to enslave us, Peter. One way to do this is to provoke violence and mayhem using yourself. Look pointer. Garry! View Garry indicator was full of aggression so let him out. Peter. Yours is almost full. I think they are planning for you to be the next bomb. See Peter, Gua you are scheduled to follow. Well, I'm from red and I got one. - Shut up! - Hey, wait beating. You do not understand, Peter? That's what they want to do. Will you fight among yourselves. I have a plan to get out of here. Come on, everything I said was true. Trust me. - Why no fight left open? - Will a meeting. They found something in one of those garages. They say it has to do - The reason we're here. - I know why we're here. - We are here to fight. - Can adults found a way out. I've been here a long time, I do not care about the house. I think you should take into account the meeting. You never know what can happen. - Have you put food away? - There was no need. - Source gave us always. - If I beat that red, rather than release him, now I eat. - I released a purpose, Peter. - Hey! Others have gone mad. They want action. - I call to action, not them. - What action? It is an attack on other food source. If you go into action, some brothers could switch to red. We expect a response until morning. - I take the creeps. - Why worry? Red agreed at the meeting, as Cade said. Do not know why, but I think this fall. What do you think? - About the real world. - What do you think about it? If Cade was right? If it is not so bad? If it is beautiful? It's ugly out there. Always has been and always will be. - Elias. - What? The intention was to have a summit discussion. - About how to get out of here. - Yes. You know there is no way of escape. However, I do not think it should carry weapons. You thought it might be a trap, smart guy? Sometimes you're very wrong! - What? - We prepare. Do you think sending the wrong message? Who cares? I trust them. Let's go! You were using. You were picked up from the streets and brought here for experiments. You've accepted and how well you were able to survive. You have created their own teams, own slang ... Boring! Let him finish. I want to warn you happen to what happened to Garry. We gotta get out of here, all in a secure environment - And to repair the damage done. - What damage? I feel good. Peter told me the legend that sometimes come strangers and get her some of you. This means that somewhere in the park, there is a portal. We can find a way out, but if you still continue to bat we will never. We must join forces. - Never! - Listen. What do you know? You're just a girl. - Withdraw your words or charged. - Hey, take it easy. - What? - I want you out of here. - You're lying! Thee afraid. - Wait. - Wait, the adult's right. - What? I was here when they found the garage and the story is that Garry stranger to left in the garage. Need to work together if we get out of here ... - Shut up, Henry! - No, listen ... Blue, if you listen to adult, you will die in pain. I know how it hurts your stomach if you eat. Come here, join my gang and eat. - We'll find a way out. - You will die if you listen. Blues, this is your chance to win. Move the red side and eat. - Do not listen! - I promise you, we will fight, then we eat. What are you guys doing? Go back to camp and get ready for battle. I lost three best fighter. - You did not have to listen. - You did the right thing. We will fight at night. - Peter, no. - Shut up, Dawn. If you want to stop me, you have to use the weapon. I go to red, to speak. - No! - Let him try. - Why do you think the adult? - He's right we have turned into monsters. You're changing, Peter, feel it. - Shut up! - Hey! You have to want more, Peter. So play here in Playland. Then hit me. I do not want to give you satisfaction. You came Hale. I hope you enjoy. - Let's eat. - I'm not hungry. - What? - Came with a white flag. E a trick. - What? - Hey, hey, easy. - I'm sick of you. Why did you come? - Elias is crazy. I knocked. - It's what you deserve. - Do not go back. I will kill you. What a shame. Peter, what happened? I've always received others. - He tried to pull the chest. - Do not send me back. - Too bad, sucker! - Peter, please. Please do not send me back. - Please. I want to go home. - We'll find a way. - Back! Flinch - Henry, put the gun down. Elias thought I was weak, but I'm strong. - From now on, I decide. - Henry, put the gun down! I spoke at the meeting to think I'm on your side. I've fallen into the trap. It's my turn to give orders. - Back or I'll shoot! - This is my crew. - I'll tell you what to do. - Really? - Wait! - Dawn! Back! Back! I'll do it again. Food source mine. Mine! Mine. How would you feel? - I do not understand. - When you pulled it. I did not shoot, but I felt good. - I bet you do. - We now have power. A lot of blue crossed our side when I took the gun. - We rest a while. Plenty of time. - On the contrary. I think you should send team immediately. What? I ran to the coaster, but the adult is able to organize an attack - To regain gun. - We have guards. - You're an idiot. - What did you say? The adult is smart enough to pass the guards when he wills. You made idiot. Now we have in abundance, but we have to think about tomorrow. Source of food you expect something more than happened today. Not have to disappoint. - We must attack them Peter and adult. - Why? I have a gun. Let's use. The adult will not be easy to kill. E flesh. - I say stick. - I do not care what you say. - We have to go in the garage. - Not until you kill Henry. Tit for Tat, right? I had the opportunity to explore the room. There is a way out. If I let him beat punk, Dawn would still be alive. Henry beat him, he'll beat you. Soon we will all be dead. - When will it end? - I do not care about anyone else. I cared about Dawn. Come on, Peter, to look in the garage. They have my gun. There you are. Hands up! Hands up, or you're dead! Move. - Can we leave here, Henry. - You heard. Move it! We demand food source, We reward for killing adult. - That would be great. - Yes, a bloody party. These! Dawn, data inputs. Sorry, Dawn. We're grub on many days. Ucideţi-l ! - You're dead! - It's Peter. - You're dead! - Peter, no! Stand back! - That's not the way. - He killed Dawn! Please do not. Easy, Peter. Show us the true strength. Put the gun down. - Kill. - I can not. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. How it will end, Peter? If you want to kill someone, kill me. She was killed with my gun. Get out of my way. - Get out! - No. Get out! Let's see how much food you give if you take a life in cold blood. Come on, shoot, if you think so. We'll get out of here. I found the way out. It's in the garage. Ready to Playland. It's time for the real world. Du-te. It looks like a war zone leaves the band. Take care of them. - Foster, thank God you're okay. - I found the children, Eddie. - I know I do, Gua. - Let's get the hell out. Since you are here, guard thinks I'm crazy. Imagine what we can do with these children. We can tell their own stories, Eddie. Take grub. Eat, guys! Let's go. Move it! A! - Hey, hey! Let me go, Eddie! - You will be arrested, Foster. But children ... If you get arrested, you will not do anyone any good. If! I know that revenge can be overcome. Peter had the power to renounce violence, in part because I promised a better life in the outside world. I wish I could keep my promise. Post by aliens. Have you wasted your time with this experiment. No need for a source of food that we turn children into monsters. Ourselves, we are doing quite well. Translation and adaptation Florin (c) thin He loves me. Loves me not. I love ... In 1564 Nostradamus predicted the destruction of the world in three waves terrible. The first wave is here. My name is Cade Foster, and these are my stories. They killed my wife, I was accused of murder. Now I'm on the run, but not hide. Guided by the prophecies of Nostradamus, I'm looking for, I hunt. I will stop, The first wave Translation and adaptation Adyc-Florin / thin You have said that coming here was a bad move. Maybe you were right. I will always love you. I will always love you. Cade Foster. Police. You're under arrest. I do not seem so hard. Any man who kills his wife in cold blood, must be tough. At least must be hard-hearted. Must be tough to come to the tomb of the wife, birthday. To me, it was stupid. Original and romantic. It's romantic mind of a psychopath. You must be crazy. It has an alibi weird aliens and shit like that. - Aliens? - Yes. You call the prosecutor? He sent aid. - Coffee? Lieutenant. - No, thanks. - Mickey, do you? - Yes. Meanwhile, we have 45 minutes of fucking. What's the point. It's already condemned. For four months we aim. We have 5 homicides in the same style. - You have to question him. - What do you suggest? We AZL in the interrogation room. Let's do it. Well, whatever you want. I have a bunch of papers that need to finish up going home. I'll leave that in your care. Please take it easy. - Yes. - And make sure you are registered. - Yes. - The new band. Thank you, Lieutenant. Ready Freddie? Let the fun begin. Welcome back, Cade. You're in deep shit. Most are minor offenses, or your friends have planned this for years. Suspect in robbery of 37 jewelry stores, three bank robberies ... He did a normal thing. This is the best burglar who was caught in 1987 onwards. He stayed closed 6 months. Start difficult, is not it? Why are you wasting time? I'm already condemned. We have some unsolved cases. What would you tell us where you've been the last few months. Look punk, I want some answers. Hei Mike, Mike. Look, but do not want some information. But Jack is a few months unsolved cases. Mike ! Are you okay? - Are you hungry? - Let him starve. Come here for a while. You have to be hungry. - I'll bring a sandwich. - Leave food, Fred. - Hei, Gavin? - By. I want you to bring me a sandwich with turkey. It's best turkey? Some sandwiches with turkey, a bag of potatoes and three coffees. - Yes, sir. - Thank you. You have to eat, Mike. - Can I or a phone? - You are a convict, you right. Come on, let him use the phone. Over 30 minutes will be closed for the rest of your life. What happens here, Fred? This guy had strangled his wife. Why leave it soft? Give a call and answer your questions. Are we clear? What are you, asshole? Few minutes. And when we get back here, we answer questions. Do you understand? - What's up? - What? It's not just some unsolved cases, Mickey. You get this guy for a reason. I have a reason, Fred. I do not think so, Mike. I told you, I have a reason. Oh da! Oh of, and bine! Alo. - It's a secure line. - Yes, a check right now. No problems. I was caught, Eddie. What? Chicago police caught me in the morning. They arrested me. Are you crazy? - Go to Oakland. - It was our anniversary. Okay ... I'll contact the lawyer. Without lawyers. Not yet. Ready Freddie? Let the fun begin. I want to do something for me. What? When someone is caught when he wants to enter into a computer must check it to login. - Why? - Check. Okay. We monitored the municipal system in Chicago in the last 4 months. Check work on your case. We have introduced a basic coding system. It's a normal data security program. Enter a random access code along with your name. Appears. What does it say? You are allocated on Precinct 28, Chicago Illinois. Tomorrow morning at 4.06. All right. Foster, what the hell is going on? I'm paranoid, man. I thought that I was caught by aliens. I saw cops. I'll ... I'll tell them the last time Eddie soul. I do not know if I can call you, Eddie. I love you, man. I'll talk, but only about me. I will not mention any names. Where have you been having escaped from Wilsonville? I left Chicago. - You get the car? - I tried. How you left town? You had no money, no credit cards. I am very skillful. So you're saying that you left town on their own. Uncle Harry helped you. - I do not know what you mean. - Do not lie to me. Harry, maternal uncle. Neighbors said they saw you after you escaped him, but can not be sure. Now m-am so la Harry. If you did you were smart. I searched for fingerprints, a whole day. Do not leave fingerprints. So you're saying that you left Chicago. Where did you go? Atomic, Maryland. What are you looking for in Maryland? Man published on the website, trying to put my story on the internet. - What's his name? - Do not give names. He wanted to hear your story. That is the story that you mention it in court? Da. How your wife was killed in an alien experiment? Exact. Let them damn aliens. Look at this. Legans, Halow, Khomitski, Johnson, Dimitri. Five women throttling while you were running. I have not killed myself those women and you know it. Once murderer, always a murderer. We left Chicago and I have not turned up today. You're a liar. - I left Chicago. - You're lying. What do you want? - Excuse me, sir. - Put them on the table. Help yourself! Those pictures you cut your appetite a little, right? Elegans, Aalow, Khomitski, Johnson, Dimitri. - Do you know any? - No. Admit it! Why do you put them on my neck, motherfucker? Do not ever call me, motherfucker. Outside Mike. Come on. - What the hell is your problem? - That he killed his wife. - Listen. - No, you listen to Fred. It did? I have nothing. Do not lie to me, Mike. Do not lie to me. For 15 years, my mother was tortured, My apologies alcoholic father. And you know received as reward? What? He got crushed ligaments around the neck. My good father strangled her. Mike, I know. Sorry. Any man who kills his wife, deserves to feel pain. You do what you gotta do. Let me guess. Time for a beating. An alien crap finish and tell me what you did in the last 4 months. I watched alien experiments. Okay. You had your chance. Now it's my turn. Last chance, mate. The choice is yours. Department of mounted cameras to protect these suspects. They are easily closed. Where have you been for the last 4 months? I swear, you better answer me. Answer me. It's time for the real interrogation. I waited months for this. Cade Foster. Topic 117. Police alien. Why not surprise me? We have already announced the authorities and reach in 30 minutes. Let me guess. Or to dissect my brain to see what makes me so. I want information. If you are generous with the answers, might tell you what happened to your wife. November empiriciştii, this child. It's like a polygraph test. Very accurate. I will not say anything. We'll see. As you know, has been a subject experiment Ahx 2323 ... Which Mayhew not last. Remember him? Do you remember? Da. Like you, have strong potential warrior. He found a book in Normandy, known as the lost book of Nostradamus. So what? Apparently his quatrains are led by our experiments. And what has that to do with me. You have the book. No, I have. We need quatrains. I do not know what book you mean. You took it to Uncle Harry? I still have friends, you know. Friends who have not forgotten what I did for them. You are tough, right? They told me you ass kicked some of us. Where is the book? This card? Where's the damn book? I do not know of any book. What a shame. Why not kill me and ready? Experiment Ahx 2323 ... It was at first difficult to implement. Council has not thought it worth much. But thou hast proved otherwise, Foster. Your potential was the greatest warrior. And you killed more of us than any other man did before. See your own experiments, motherfucker. Millions like me will rise, and will give you the earth. Most of the remaining subjects were scattered like dust. There are many more throughout the country which take you from all sides, you bastards. Shut up! Every week we evaporated by two of you. Da! The ... Well ... good. Ia-l. Cade ... here Uncle Harry. Harry ? - What's going on? - I'm too strong, boy. - I did not expect this. - What did they do? Do not worry about me, Cade ... Give him the phone. - Do what I ask. - Harry, please ... please. Give him the phone. I'm tired ... It's very close to death. You bastards! If it do evil old man kill you! Want to get shot down? Do you want to kill someone, kill me. Leave the old man alone! Let's get to our sheep. Up to you ... To see a new dawn. Give it to me on the phone on Harry. Give it to your phone! Give the old man on the phone. Harry... I want to go to your corner. I want to call the emergency number that I gave you. - Yes. - Okay? - Okay. - Okay. I'll talk ... Only if you let go of the old. Go ahead! A talk. Let the old man to leave. You book? - Yes. - What? Da! Where is it? I do not know. It's someone else? Does Not. The machine says you're lying. It is in the possession of someone else? It is in the possession of someone else? Da! What is it called? It's called ... Get up, you bastard! The? I'm Foster's line secure? Da. Glad to hear your voice. - A sunat Harry? -. It is good? Yes, aside from a few scratches good. Good ... You need to find Ross Livery cab, taxi station on Lincoln. It belongs to a friend of mine, Billy. On the 28th Precinct, Devon street corner. Tell Billy to meet me in an hour at the corner Devon 26. It will take me at least 20 minutes to go from here. I need some answers, Eddie. I have an alien in the interrogation room. I do not think you can break the shackles. I'll shoot you between the eyes if you try. - A team Gua is on the way. - Shut up! I look with my own eyes how you dissolve. I do not want to die. I learned a few tricks in recent months. And I mean the white powder. The salt in the coffee go every time. My system can manage the salt. Then what's this? A biological anomaly sent by your DNA. I do not know. Would it! It might kill me. What other choice do you have? Time for questions and answers. You said you know my experiment ... Since, AH 2323. Council finally decided that Ahx 2323 was a critical factor, in the decision process. What's this Council? Our leadership on Earth. I want names! Do not give names. How were chosen subjects? Human subjects ... Were chosen based on samples of the US population. All experiments were made to test the human will. To see how it is done in its diversity. How took psychiatric hospital? The bodies that filled the entire corporation. I gradually replaced staff ... Our team. It was an experiment ... difficult ... I fed you and ... The other 116 subjects. Blending psychotropic drugs and ... I have placed facing each other. How many have worked in my case? The 117 ... Your case demanded a thorough preparation. They attended by 57 staff. Who killed Hannah Foster? I do not know ... Who killed my wife? ! I do not know. Minds. Who killed my wife, you bastard! - I do not know. - Joshua, did it? How do you know Joshua? Joshua killed my wife? - Do not give names. - It was Joshua? I do not know. If you do not answer me now over. Immediately. Was there ... Are you still there? Reply. - What about Burke? - Need something? Not Do you mind if I look the observation room it leaves instead? Today there, buddy. Yes sir. Hi! A sample! Alien body is built to heal itself. They have superior force and other skills. Where was I? Joshua... It was in the room when my wife was killed, but did he? Did it? I will not talk about, Joshua. You talk about what I want to talk. Not if it's not present. From this. Why did you choose Earth? This time. Why Earth? Why do you think? Natural resources and ... Slavery. Since you are here? Since 1987. How long is your race here? For decades. The invasion is imminent, Foster. Look around ... Millions of people have a miserable existence. Gruff, suspicious ... Unable honor. I aliens talk too much when you're stoned. Statistically, you're freaks. That's why I do not care about you and your people. You have to think differently since you mix with us. I have discovered one thing ... Nostradamus quatrains. Apparently ... I predict coming, a man twice blessed. One who will be the savior of mankind. You're the one ... is not it? That you think, eh? Does Not. We believe. And this ... you'll dissect. You caused scandals, Foster. That's why they made you wait in Chicago ... Posing as a policeman. You had to go back to the scene. Why did you come back? It was a real push. One that made you do something so stupid. You will not understand. Of course ... How would it be possible to understand, twice blessed man. You have to take it, well ... Now a question? How to do it? Come on ... I can not tell you that. Tell me! Invasion comes from within? From heaven? Come and other villains? Everywhere ... They come from everywhere. I have no chance. You can not do anything to stop us. - Drop the gun! - Drop the weapon you! If you take off your shackles brains! Leave the gun, you're in a police station for God. - This guy is not a cop. - Put the gun down! - Check locker, Olansky killed. - Mind! - God. - He killed his partner, not man. - Confession of it filmed. - It's crazy, Marty. E alien. - I tried to cheer him up. - Shut up! Another move and shoot you! Okay, well I teach. But only after you look at the record ... - And call your lieutenant. - No problem, put the gun on the table. I do not want it we mess. I want the record to be made public. I'm sure that can be arranged. Do not mess with him, Galvin ... - Arrange! - Do not listen to him, call him Lieutenant. Go to lieutenant. No, go to prison, hurry! Where's that damn book? - Book! - What book? I know something about Ahx experiment in 2323 ... I actually supervised case 117 topic. Joshua and I ... I was questioning team. There were so many screams and yanked nails until the blood gushed. I dragged Hannah in a psychiatric insulator. Brilliant ... I was in isolation ... Joshua, Hannah and me. Who are you? What do you want? Who the hell are you? You do not want to do that. Let's break the house ... Let us steal the money? Stay away! Also saying that you will not ever stop. I tried to convince her. I wanted her help. It was a robbery in the center. For 20 seconds, trying to open the safe. 100 kg ... not open ... The police are on their way. He got the safe, 22 floors. 22 floors. The vault back. That's, Cade Foster. Do what you want with me, but I never turn it off. You have created the most terrible enemy. I'll hunt ... you're gonna hunt. I'll hunt. That's why I killed her. I put my hands around your neck and I crushed ... Her throat white in my fist. No! My eyes! This is for Hannah. Du-te! Put it down now! Unde-i Ludlow. Where did Ludlow? I have not killed myself. Banda ... Banda explains everything. Watch the. What's that, Lieutenant? E something? What do you mean, Lieutenant? Did you see the guy dissolving. I know what you mean. Maybe it's a trick photo. Foster was not lying, the truth is there. We have answers there. For us ... For those whom I loved. What do you mean, Lieutenant? You do not want to create problems here, is not it? - I do not understand. - Think about it, son. They send the FBI will send journalists, will give this place upside down. They ask questions like ... Where's the killer? Like the first ... How did Ludlow police? And how Olanski died in the interrogation room. I do not think ... - But, Lieutenant ... - No! Foster killed Olanski. I know. And this band ... It's a trick. I think not, sir. Can you believe what you like ... But I will not lose my pension or career you, telling someone about aliens. What are you doing? Now ... Take him to the cell Foster. Sheriff arrives immediately. Take him to the cell, damn it! Time truth. You saw the video ... Hit me. I'll never know what brought me to Hannah's grave, or why not every instinct told me that's bullshit. Maybe it was God's will to get back ... It's a vengeful God and merciful ... I do not know. Because killing the assassin of Hannah, I felt a victory. Hey, Billy ... Please take me to Chicago. With the murder of Hannah's assassin, The force that led me these months no longer exists. Its place was taken tangled reality in which they live. I can not stop ... So do would be suicide. Translation and adaptation Adyc-Florin / thin He spoke champagne ... Come on, Pauline, you and Sheldon have finished it. I finished it. We have some problems. Remove it, you said it yourself. - But we are married for 15 years. - I am married for 20. - If you are ... - Yes, Judy learned and did nothing. Judy's out of town. Sheldon's here. You're right. I do not devote sufficient attention. I'm the one who believes. I want very much ... You're so, beautiful. In 1564 Nostradamus predicted the destruction of the world in three waves terrible. The first wave is here. My name is Cade Foster and these are my stories. They killed my wife, I was accused of murder. Now I'm on the run, but not hide. Guided by the prophecies of Nostradamus, I'm looking for, I hunt. I will stop, First wave. Translation and adaptation Adyc-thin Reviewed by Florin Paranoid Times Web page is designed to warn the world of eminent danger to which we are subjected to alien race, that infiltrated on this planet. People began to notice. An email came from Sheldon Lamott supporting that has pictures of a UFO flying in Columbia, Maryland. At only 32 km outside of Washington DC. Fits quatrain 24, seat 2. A vision of destruction occurs around the throne. And the battle for supreme reign began. Storm coming unconfirmed, temperament testing all people. That's why I came ... John Tran ? - No. Dave Brikman. - I thought you were Tran. You know Jonny Tran photographer? Make a pictorial my house for £ decorations shares and design. And casă frumoasă. Yes ... it's original skeleton with every detail restored. In fact apply to become an heir. From whom did you say you were coming? N-am zis. Paranoid Times. E un site. I came to see Sheldon Lamott. Old Sheldon. Well, that's his house. Thank you! It seems that a storm is coming, right? Yes. Thanks again. Hi. My name is Dave Brikman. I'm from Paranoid Times. - Sheldon Lamott contacted me. - I'm sorry but it's home. - Where did you say you are? - I'm from Paranoid Times. Mr. Lamott called me for some photos. - What kind of pictures? - He said he saw a UFO. - A UFO? - Sorry. No one told you to come? Does Not. Sa so la magazin. - Do you know when he returns? - I do not think is much. - You can wait for him inside. - Thank you. It must be Sheldon. And children. Paul and Josephine. They're beautiful children. - Can I get you something to drink? - No, thanks. - Nice house. - Thank you. It's like a tomb when children went to boarding school. Specifically. What are these pictures? I do not know exactly. I have not seen yet. Did he say where he did? The e-mail said anything about a place called North Harbor forest. There is a military base near the forest. Could be a helicopter. I might. I wonder where to begin storm. Thundered throughout the afternoon. Strange, because the forecast said nothing of the storm. Hi. Who are you? - Is the man they called. - I'm Dave Brikman from Paranoid Times. Oh, yes, yes. I'll show you some pictures in the darkroom. They are incredible. - Sheldon? - Later on. - I really need to talk. - Not now, right? - Excuse the mess. - Nothing, Mr. Lamott. Tell me, Sheldon. Here they are. That's all you have? I have not had time to focus. It happened pretty quickly. From what I understand, there is a military base in the area. It is possible to ... There was nothing like what I've seen military. It was a great thing very bright spherical. I do not know what it was. Where to go? Well ... I was there about 30 seconds and then disappeared. - What were you doing in the woods? - What was I doing? In mail you said that you are one of ordinary hunting UFOs. What were you doing in the woods with a camera? Photographer birds. - Overnight? - Owls. Does Not. Not only were there that night. Does Not. Boyd Hackett. Fucking hell. Take photos in the woods. She knows. - Calm down, Pauline. - He was there in the woods and shoot us. And? What to do? You beat me? Once you get your husband legacy will be more land. Do not know Sheldon. Do not get upset. Avenges. I was shaking. Why do not you calm down? Drink a glass of wine or something. Talk to you later. It happened a year ago. When the children went to school. Things have changed. We removed. Still love it. I just do not know what to do. Sheldon, I'll be straight with you. That does not prove anything. But it was a UFO. I know what I saw. It's hard to convince people with real evidence. We would need at least one more witness. No, please. Do not talk to my wife. Not until you talk to her. Tell you what. Put this on Paranoid Times and see if anyone responds. Thank you! - The photos prove a thing. - What? - We are in an episode of Melrose Place. - What do you mean? - What do you mean? - No matter, Eddie. Some pictures are unnecessary. It means that other stuff that I found unrelated? What stuff? Maryline Waters Power, had an unexplained power failure. An inexplicable weather report came from Barkeville. Eddie ? Alo? Alo! Awesome! Do you need help? - Dan Moody. - Good. Dave Brikman. You've come to Sheldon? The guy who had a grade 3 meeting. Yes. Unfortunately it was not for grade 3. Sheldon has a vivid imagination. I drove 400km to get here and now this damn car will not start. - What is it? E battery? - I do not think. I'm not sure. I was the driver in the Navy for almost 20 years. - Can I have a look? - Just please. The injector may be clogged. Maybe it's something in the computer that I use cars today. - I bring tools. - Brikman? Come here. Moody now. Something's happening on TV. I do not know what is. I repeat. Today at 4:30 pm Eastern Time, the Pentagon made an official announcement, an alien army that attacked Earth. At least nine major capitals of the world, were destroyed by air strikes. The death toll is estimated at almost 19 million. God! - That does not happen. - Yes. ... And now heads to the suburbs of Maryland and Virginia. The Pentagon has asked us to keep public order. We urge you not to leave their homes and do not panic. We will keep still ... The second wave. If it's broken, Dan can fix. There's nothing broken. I do not see why not start. Machines, telephones, current ... all are down. They are to blame aliens. Sure they did something. What do we do? We must arm ourselves. We are preparing for battle. Here we are in the army, Moody. We are in a suburb. Glad you decided to wave the white flag. - But do not speak of teaching. - That's right. No surrender. Not an option. You're the expert. What do you think? In the last 5 months I knew the existence of aliens on Earth. And it paved the way for the invasion. I talked myself, but I could not make people listen. - And now I'm here. - You really saw aliens? I saw, I fought with them and I know that if we are united we can win. - Yes ... and how it looks? Little green men? - They are just like us. - Cultivate human genetic duplicate. - Clone? - Come on, I think you're kidding. - I wish I kidding. - This man is crazy. - Believe it or not, Moody's right. We should arm ourselves and make our supplies. And to find a secure bunker. The power lies in the large number. We must find shelter. A basement ... You can use it on our own, but do not know if it's big enough. You can use my house. The foundation is strengthened. I do not hustle in the basement anyone. Clear? - Okay. Then stay out. - Boyd, Boyd will not leave anyone out. Better go to me. It is ten times better than ... - It would be better to go inside. - Go inside. Come in. - I wish I'd been and children here. - You think you can do it now, Pauline. We are at the mercy of God. Where are the boys? Dan and Rikman are at home, let's bring some things. Where is Boyd? Not here with me lest they die. - That's all you got? - I handed weapons when I retired. - These are good at something? - Not much. We need to find something here to go barricade. Where have you been? Home. I took a flashlight and radio batteries. I suppose you have no weapon. They dentist, Dale, right? - Dale, help me please with water? - Yes. Let's go down, people. Move. - You're crazy to stay here. - What other choice do we have? We're sitting ducks in that basement. One more shot and we're dead. Vii ? I see nothing. We have water, food, medical kit, batteries ... Six people. - We can get 6 days. - Try to catch the news. The atmosphere is overloaded. It is getting closer. I think we should pray. God, the Bible speaks of the Day of Judgment. Perhaps that day has come, but if you have to accept anger, have mercy on us. What's that? How do I know? - That was an alien transmission. - Oh, spare me! - It could be a transmission noise. - No, you did not hear? It was alien. How do you copy your radio transmissions alien, Boyd? Why do not you go back to your affairs and leave me alone? Hey, you said that aliens look like us. Da. And how do we know that any of us is alien? Well, I do not know. Where do you want to fight, Sheldon? If you ask me, it's an alien in this room right now. And his name is Boyd. Finally you have realized, Sheldon eh? You received an alien transmission. - You're so smug. - What about all those business trips? - What kind of dentist do so many trips? - Why do not you shut up? Why? Expect your aliens to tell you something? It can give you orders. Calm down. No time. You can not make such accusations. Incidentally, I know one thing ... he saw that UFO in the forest. - Why do not you say what you saw? - Stop. - Why do not you confess? - Sheldon, shut up. Because it's an alien. Therefore. Does Not. Because I was your wife, old retarded. - What you gonna do about it? - Gentlemen, please! This is no time to lose control. Who the hell you think you are, you tell us what to do? - Boyd, do not be an asshole ... - Fuck you! Boyd, we are neighbors for 10 years. I like you. Do not make me break into pieces. - You chose Sheldon me? - You think I'm an alien? No I do not think so. I'm tired of these stories. - Okay, Sheldon ... - Enough! Just listen. Listen. Help! Please, help! Help me! Who's there? Give in your name. - Maybe one of them. - Where are ready. Do not let anyone in. - We can not ignore it. - Yes, we can. - It could be one of the neighbors. - Alice is right. Let's open the door. Supplies are limited. Even if one of the neighbors, we can not afford to receive. Once Boyd has the right. - We can not leave them out. - Why not? We take precautions. We cover the door ... I do not know. I do not know who he is and want to risk my life? Absolutely not. It can be a human being dies there. You have a conscience? Dale, should help those out. Let me go, please! - It's about our safety, Alice. - Dale, can be hurt. Look what it is. The rules have changed since I came down here. There is no place for charity. - Dale? - We go us. - It's a Christian thing, Boyd. - Yes, and so to be crucified. All right, you open the door. - I go out first. - I'll cover you. Yes, I got it. Watch the stairs. Easy. Lay it on the table. Put it on the side. Come on. Watch your head. I had. Who the hell is? Jonathan Tran. E photographer. He came to my house to take pictures. - And you wanted to leave it there. - How was I to know? - Boyd, examine it. - I'm a dentist, for God. Still have medical training. Do not worry. Slowly. E exhausted, but otherwise I think it's good. - Where are they? - It's okay, you're among friends. - Water. Water, please. - Give him some water. - Slowly. - OK done. We do not have even that. Mr. Tran? Can you tell us what you saw there? Everything was destroyed. It's awful. Where are you from? In addition to Washington ... Suddenly I saw all those ships flying in the sky like locusts. There's nothing left in Washington? Washington DC is gone. They descended on the highway we were high and we melted cars. I saw women and children burning. God help us! How did you get here? I ran. I left my car and ran into the woods. We all ran. I do not know how much. Then I saw a sign that directed me here. It was the only place that I could not think. - We can not stay here. - Sheldon, please! How did you know to come here? What do you mean? How you found us in the basement? I had to go to Hackett. I went there, but I heard shouting. I could not run and I came here. It's okay. You're lucky you found us. Yes, you are lucky. It'll be great. You could picture the house at sunset. The sun shines right through the windows. Fill up all the room in a light golden yellow. Here you go. It has no sugar. It's okay. Thank you. - I'm scared, Dale. - I. I believe that God has crooked ways. - The purpose ... - What for? How can a merciful God to let it end this way? Here. We can not always understand the work. I know. Maybe we gave a fuck. I mean look around. Greed, lies, dishonesty, deceit. Even here in our backyard. In our neighborhood. Maybe I gave the bar. Maybe give us a chance to save succeeding. And we turn against each other. I love you. I love you. I think it would come to this? They'd come down here. I tried to alert the people in the past 5 months. All governments, security agencies, I set up a web page. Nobody wanted to believe. Or to believe now. Anyway, I think it's a lost cause. Have you heard Tran. Or destroy everything. Do not believe it. If you remember, then it's a good actor. The highway is 20 km away. Think ran both? - Perhaps because of adrenaline. - 20 km? And he ran straight to our door. Move towards Hackett. I do not trust people like him. What, like him? Do you know. That kind of people. - No I do not know. - I can not be trusted. It's a pretty big generalization. Do not you think so? I have had experience with people like him. People like he had in the barracks in Southeast Asia. - Do not turn your back any minute, man. - Yes, but then was war. And what the hell do you think this is? - How are you? - I'm fine. You know, Pauline? It's not too late. For what? Forgiveness. That's what all marriages. Sheldon to forgive me and I forgive him Sheldon? Dale and I have been married for 15 years. It was one minute without the ups and downs. - That's all marriage. - That's what I mean. You know Alice, my goal in this marriage were children. When they go to school, that goal was extinguished. Sheldon has his work is his hobby. - I feel like I have nothing. - Stop. Not true. Boyd threw me a rope, and I hanging. Yes, but at what cost? Time is running out. Why not try? - It takes too long to make a picture. - What? Your husband went out. Sheld ? I thought you left. Does Not. I'm so sorry, Sheld. I'm very sorry. Of all men, why Boyd fucking arrogant? Boyd made me feel desired. Your priority has always been to work. Not me. How do I pay for all this? Let me assure family. What's all this, if we have not been together. Can not going to survive the night. But if our last night, can you try to forgive me. Does Not. That's better. Sheldon ? What the hell was that about? I made a big mistake. I had to finish this last night. What happened to you? Newsflash showed me who you really are. Really? And who the hell are they? A selfish arrogant. You know, Pauline? I'll get over that ... It's over. Tran? - You say you ran through the forest. - That's right. How much? - I do not know. It seemed an eternity. - See? That bothers me. Because if you come from the highway, the only road through the forest was Huckson Park. That's only 800 meters. - I do not know. - Why do not you admit you're lying? - Dale! You have no proof. - Leave me to take care of that. - I'll tell the truth. - I say. - Who are you? - I told you. - Are you an alien? - Hey, hey Moody. Leave it. Leave it. I'll tell you who is alien. Yes, here is an alien. - I was too stupid to realize. - You blame me now? Does Not. Not you, Sheldon. - Pauline. - It's despicable, even for you, Boyd. - What? - This is ridiculous. It sounds crazy. But I sat and I thought. - Enough to reach some conclusions. - Keep your findings to you. - E Pauline, and I'm sure. - He's mad that I said it's over. Damn I'm angry! Sheldon was not lying when he said he saw UFO in Colombia, a few days ago. And Pauline knows because she was there with me. We parked on Route 12. She chose the place and she insisted to go there. - Boyd, stop. - No time to play theater. Try to contact. Tell them that's not true, Sheld. Sheldon, tell them. Motherfucker! I can not stay here. Pauline ! Pauline, it's okay. God! Sheldon! Open the hatch ... Let us go! Wait, Moody. It's an alien ship there. - Open the door. - I'll let Pauline there? What do you care, Sheldon? Did you already a mess. Open the door, Boyd! I'm out and want to kill us. If you open the door, we are all in danger. Get out of my way. I never asked Paulina to come out, right? So, what's done is done. - You have to think about our safety. - And to abandon? - Why? - Because I want to live. As far as I'm concerned, those people are already dead. - Get out of my way Boyd. - You'll regret this, Moody. We've left out. What kind of people are you? Pauline! Relax! My neighbors. I thought you know, but it's not. You're all animals. Moody What happened to you? We're going to shoot? I came to open the door. It took a lot of time. - I do not know what's there. I could not ... - To open the door? ! Let me guess. I had to vote, to discuss? If we let them live or die? You should think. It was an easy choice. Sorry. He wanted to let you go. I wanted. Boyd, refused. I mean, I could not be sure ... Sorry. Sorry I hesitated. Sure. - I tried to convince him, but ... - Fuck you, Sheldon. - Boyd will not let go. - You're a liar. - Do not lie ... - Shut both, until you kick your ass. It's an attack ship right above us. No time. Your governments have capitulated to us. Do not resist or be eliminated. Peaceful surrender will ensure survival. Do not do bad. Any resistance will be attacked with biological weapons of mass destruction. We must teach. - What the hell you know. - We will not surrender. - And what do you suggest we do? - Fight. What weapons? We have a damn gun. If we teach, maybe we'll survive. If we do not fight we will not have a life. We will be slaves ... We have no chance if you fight them. - We must stand on the barricades. - Let's stay on the barricades ... we will slaughter. So be it. At least not die in vain. We show that we are willing to fight. I agree with Brikman. Yes, you two GI Joe do what the hell you want. I say to negotiate, to make a deal. We can not negotiate. There will conclude any agreement. - How the hell do you know? - Because we do not negotiate with you. And what do you suggest we do? Let's get out there with much fanfare? We only have a gun. And then what? I propose to wait to try to get out and escape. Does Not. I say we teach. Wait ... - Wait ... What? Only Boyd wants to surrender. What you talking about, Sheldon? Do not you see? Boyd's classic ... Why do not you say that's your real plan, Boyd? This plan? I never realized you were talking about before. I heard Tran, making a deal with Boyd. He works for them. What? For aliens? - Yes. - Wait a minute. You're a fucking liar. - Sheldon, who said Tran? - Stay calm, Moody. Tran told Boyd that he made a deal with aliens in exchange for protection. - So, so you escaped. - Mind, I have not made any agreement. They seek care among people who help them. You mean you need traitors. - No traitor. - You know, Sheldon? You're dead. Wait, that we have only the word of Sheldon. Want proof? How do you think the aliens found this house so fast? How do you think he escaped Tran? Why do not you let Boyd, to enter? - All this is ridiculous. - Sheldon, I think you're lying. - I'm just saying what I heard. - You're lying because you hate Boyd. So what? That's what I heard. Jur. You're a damned liar. We are doomed since I left Tran to enter. We are doomed since I left Boyd in. Okay. All right? I made a deal. But Sheldon mind! Stay there. - Boyd? - Stay there. - Put the gun down. - Stay there, or murder. Put the gun down. - I did nothing. - Boyd, please. This was not supposed to happen. You shot me. He made his move. He came here. He came here. He made his move. All right. Do not worry. They said that the bullets are blanks. Who said? People who rely on me. - Who are you talking about? - About aliens. Those who have called for selection on Elm Street. We paid 400 dollars a day. They said that you are the competitors. That must be a game. I'm just an actor. It's just a game. Dale, what happens? God, it's over. What happens? It was a test. It was a test, you bastards. It was a test. It was a test! Other reports of invasion? In addition to blackout in 5 states, nothing. But in neighborhoods? A man reported that he saw UFO? I went into the municipal system. There are two complaints made to noise but no UFO report. Sorry Cade. That alien ship, could be anything. Helicopter hologram lot. I thought it was over, Eddie. Too little, too late. As hard work for nothing. The second wave has not yet come, my friend. You still have time. I saw police and paramedics arrived home from Lamott, after you left. Take Tran's body, I guess. So, aliens have done everything, holotech? It's incredible, man. You know what bothers me the most? That learned exactly what had to know. There was no alien that night, Rivington Street. No Hackett Boyd nor Lamott, even poor John Tran. The aliens were defeated us with a number of false transmissions and some special effects. And the crucial battle, we revealed the most dangerous secret. We are our own worst enemy. I think you should see this. That's the guy who shot John Tran? Yes. He is. He shot John Tran. Translation and adaptation Adyc-thin Reviewed by Florin Who are you? You are the Ministry of Justice? - Where are you? The CIA? - No. - What is this? - You know better than me. Listen, you're in big trouble and I do not know if I can help. - It would be good to talk immediately. - Do not know what is. Some noise. - Noise? - Get someone fell and I took it. I registered on the computer. I do not know what is. Hey, who are you? - I'm from the government. - What will you do to me? I will not do anything. - Who are those guys? - Run! - Who are they? - Run away! Stay here. Get floppy. In 1564, Nostradamus predicted the destruction of the world, 3 waves terrible. The first wave is here. My name is Cade Foster. That's my story ... They killed my wife, I was accused of murder ... Now run but not hide. Nostradamus Prophecy guides me. I'll find ... I'll hunt ... I'll stop! Season 01 Episode 21 The first wave Yesterday ... Translation and adaptation - Florin thin Centuria V, Quatrain 81 "Twilight will become sunrise ... And twice blessed man will rise again. Devotees it will mean for the Great War to come. " I had no idea what he was talking about Nostradamus until I got a message from someone on site who claims to be an alien. I know as Joshua. He asked me to meet abandoned in a parking lot in Cleveland, Ohio. I do not trust him, but when an alien sounds agent and calls for a meeting, I can not say no. - Keep your distance. - I was not sure you were coming. - I'm here. What is it? - There is a computer disk. This disc? Someone in Cleveland received a letter of ours. The suspect used the nickname "Rover". Apparently, he did înregistrarea disk. Is that it? That's all you have to say? - What do you know more? - What is it, Joshua? One of your tests? Forget. Tell your friends that I'm in. Whatever, but I think you know we find that disk and the person who has it. If you want to help that person must do it quickly. - Have you heard? - Yes, from head to toe. Someone in Cleveland intercepted a message alien. His nickname is "Rover". Why would Joshua to help? I do not know. Can not agree with making his race here. - Or trying to frame me something. - Yes, I do not like this, Foster. I say just forget it and get out. I want to know why this album is so important for my new friend. If Rover there, I want to be the first to reach him. Eddie, do this for three hours. How much longer? We have created a special search engine to find them those seeking information about government conspiracies. Maybe our guy will be on internet questions about the captured message. Looking nickname "Rover". - What is this? - That's the list of results. Look at this! Have a Range Rover government auctioned on site. - There will be a change so old Cadillac? - How long, Eddie? Well, be patient, my friend. I am focused. Bingo ! "Looking for information about radio transmissions government codes. Rover ". This must be your friend. - I think it was submitted to the Government. - So it seems. He says he received a radio amateur modifying signal. No such thing as Gua use amateur radio frequencies. Well, maybe Gua send out standard spectrum. Rover MDFR probably used in order to detect. - MDFR? - Dynamic Radio Frequency Modulator. It used to receive radio signals from high frequencies or low. This gadget is technically called, serious hardware. - Can you find the maniac? - No problem. Return, Rover. You can run but you can not hide from Crazy Eddie. - Can I help you? - Looking for a ham in the building. Who are you? - I'm Agent Flemming, from the FCC. - I know who's ham? My son Steven. What do you want from him? I do not want to get impatient. It's important to talk to your son. I learned that might have accidentally entered in possession of information quite sensitive. It could be in danger. This is ridiculous! Steven is only 17 years old. What could he ... Are confidential, ma'am. You should talk to your son It's in the basement. It has complete equipment. Radio's is down there. Steven, someone wants to see you. Beautiful equipment, Steven. - What's this? - I think it's the Hawaiian dialect, probabilistic, din Pago Pago. - Who are you? - Is the FCC. - My name is Flemming. - Yeah, listen, I will direct ... - I radio license. - I know. Good equipment. - I see you radio connected to the PC. - Yes, it is legal. I'm not here to accuse you of something, Steven. We hope you can help me. - It looks like you spend more time here. - Yes, it is. We moved here from Hong Kong last year. - Does not have many friends. - Hong Kong's more cool than Cleveland. I know how it feels to be away from home. It seems that you are connected with your friends with this equipment. With friends, with the world ... Nobody cares where you are. I wanted to ask you about the broadcast that you recorded it. I do not know what you mean. - What's on this disk, Steven? - It is ... Steven ! Who are you? You are the Ministry of Justice? - Where are you? The CIA? - No. - What is this? - You know better than me. Listen, you're in big trouble and I do not know if I can help. - It would be good to talk immediately. - Do not know what is. Some noise. - Noise? - Get someone fell and I took it. I recorded it on your computer. I do not know what is. Hey, who are you? No government. - What will you do to me? - I will not do anything. - Who are those guys? - Run! - Who are they? - Run away! Stay here. - Come on. - I can not ... Move it! We succeeded. I stopped. You really Cade Foster. - Just what you put the gun to his head. - I did it to save your life. Well, that's original approach. I've come to take you back, Cade Foster. Who the hell are you? - Wine future. - Of course. He had to die there. You killed them. A follow-up was completed yesterday by a hail of bullets when he was killed a fugitive named Cade Foster on a street in the city center. After your death, no one has been able to lead the human resistance. Nobody could stop to stop release. Immediately afterwards, they sent the second wave. 19 million people died in one day. - This is a kind of test Gua, ma'am? - Your diary survived in cyberspace. You told us about Gua. It was the only information I had. You were a hero. But they won. Many people were destroyed. Few of us have survived, and the third wave is about to begin. We need you. We need a leader. You're our only hope. - What about the baby? - Who? The boy's them. What happened to him? I was sent to rescue the boy, I was sent to rescue Cade Foster. - Nu cred you. - Centuria V, catrenul 81, "Dusk and dawn will become twice blessed man will rise again. Devotees it will mean for the Great War to come. " How the hell ... "I had no idea what he was talking about Nostradamus until I got a message from someone on site alien who claims that he knew Joshua " "He asked me to meet him abandoned in a parking lot in Cleveland, Ohio." "I did not trust him." So you found my diary. And Gua could find it. Want proof? If I were an alien, the wound heals. You've said that. Hey, how ... Good. - Cine esti tu? - Sunt, Lizbeth. He says he came from the future to save my life. - Has a sense of humor. - It came out of nowhere. We must look at this diskette. We seem to have been killed because they Gua. Wait a minute, did ... what? - What did she do? - It's not over yet. Foster is still in danger. Nobody knows what happens when you change your own destiny. It could easily kill again. Dude! Foster, laugh at us. This has nothing to do with those traveling through time. Change quantum effect. Matter of a space-time location replaces the matter in another location. You mean while sending atoms? In no case. Time is determined by measuring the conversion of carbon isotope 14 ... the nitrogen atoms 14, but then you say that reversing ... They found a way to send me back. If you travel through time, why did you bring soldiers and weapons to stop the third wave before starting. We have no army. Want to know about the future? Gua destroyed two thirds of the human race. Others used them as slaves. Thousands live in tunnels under the major cities. We will fight. We resistance movement. We occupy bodies. Rule the earth in human form. We are endangered. That's why I came to you, Cade Foster. But my journal? Do not helpful? People were afraid. It means that everything we do is in vain. No, but that's where I come in the future. Future after you died yesterday. - Maybe now the future is another. - People do not change. There will always be cowards, but may, in the future, resistance instead of thousands to millions count. By my salvation, you have changed the future in a way that not even we can imagine. - Maybe it was changed for the worse. - I have to go back in two days. Coordinates are locked. Foster must return. - No way back. - No choice. So one by one ... I want to see what's on this disk. That are looking for? Some interference kill a child? It could be an encrypted message. When told that the copy? Last Tuesday. How I assumed. According to the forecast from the Internet, last Tuesday in Cleveland was electrical storm. If Gua should be sent a message into space, ion signal distortion can be reflected on Earth. That could explain how the boy received. - We find the origin of the signal? - No, not without his equipment. - You have to triangulate the signal. - Complete? Not only MDFR site. If Gua took the boy certainly cleaned the basement. If the boy is a true craftsman, hid certainly the best equipment. Bring it to me and I find them on your Gua. It's crazy. If you find the equipment, find the place where the boy and send Gua. - I do not sound like madness. - They killed once, I can do it again. If you are dead in the meantime, you can not live in my time. I thought you wanted to change history. I find that if you mess with me, you can not change anything. - It's the same thing as dying. - Not for you. Joshua. But it's just a kid. What could be there? - Why would anyone want to hurt him? - Cade Foster is accused of murder. I think nobody understands why. I do not want to scare you, but might come back. If it does, you have to go in a safe location and inform us immediately. I'll get him. I promise you. - When Steven returns home? - When will be safe. We keep in touch. - Joshua. - Yes, my new friend. I want to go to the restaurant, to distract Steven's mother. - Why? - So I can go to the basement. - This is ridiculous. - Will you help me or not? Because I go there anyway. Okay. What do you do? Order Chinese food. God! I will ... What's this? Shrimp fried rice? You still have shrimp? I'll take three. Medallion of Beef with oyster sauce, chicken with ginger and special. - Is that all? - Yes. Does Not. Wait. - Pie epistle? - Pie that predict the future? I'll take ten. - That's all, Miss? - Yes. Pay by cash or by card? Cash. You know, I do not think tonight available for Chinese food. Sorry. - Took you long. - Let's get out of here. - I'll take that. - Do not do this, Joshua. - I know you? - No, but I know you. I was six when Gua killed my parents and I went to the camp. There were hundreds. You've released. - What? - About your future, Joshua. You and Foster have inspired us to fight. From the future. Even if possible, must be a mistake. I have never helped people to kill Gua. Now, but you will. You are! You bastard, you've set a trap. - You used to find the boy. - Maybe you did it with your hand. - Can you become predictable. - Maybe. Let's go. - Eddie? - Wait, I analyze. Meanwhile, we cracked the code on the diskette. What's this? Pi sequences were scattered through the database binaries. - The password is generated by Avogadro's theorem. - What does Eddie? I have no idea. It must be very important if you want so much. Empirical. - Can you read this? - While I learned some Gua codes. Not much. I can not read, recognize syllables. If you manage to decipher one hand, you could read the rest? Maybe, but it takes time. At least a few days. Do not have much time. You have to go back. You have to find the child. I'll kill him if we know that. - Are you crazy? - I bother about that question. We need you. How many times must I tell you? - He needs me. - It is difficult. I have just one day until quantum substitution becomes final. That means we can go in my time. - I said I'm coming with you. - He's not coming with you. Like crazy to risk to save a life when taken so many others, is nonsense. I do not want to live in a world where life is not important. - In my world, no life does not matter. - When Gua already won. You're talking about a person who's going to die anyway. I got a second chance, and he will receive. Well, Cade Foster. I'll help if I can. I Wear Steven to determine the origin of the signal. It comes from a building in Pioneer Square in downtown Cleveland. The building must have a transmitter, right? Communications Hammner have cable and satellite. I can not do. With V up front. Cord that's too long. Are you, are you. Comes here. Sort of. So. - What? - Nothing. You better catch. - What? - Nothing. Tickles. - I think it's the first time you laugh. - Yeah, you look ... You look great. Really? First time in life when port dress. - You never worn a dress? - We live in tunnels under the city. Dresses are useless there. - I'll help you. - Here you go. - What is this? - Lipstick. "Fall Rhapsody", one of my favorites. Eddie ? Look ... Must ... Foster should, you know ... You know, I'm not an expert ... - You managed to trick me. - No, I like it. - I do not recognize. - That was the point. - It's so beautiful. - What? This? Yes, it's so bright. People seem so happy. Look! Children! Something terrible is going to happen, right? I told you, it's awful ... but we can still hope. We hope you will help us to bring back the world back. Here the building. Let us stand together to see if any trace of the boy. What's that? What that man eat? Come on. Two, please? Some people put mustard, but I prefer ketchup. Ketchup. Yes, mustard neutralize the taste of hot dogs, but ketchup ... Well ... - Tastes good. Dog's good taste. - Dog? You eat dogs? No, it's ... Even during the famine, I resisted the temptation ... No, it's nickname, it's a hotdog. It's made from beef or pork ... It's delicious. Hey, we have time. We do not .... It's the boy's mother. Now what? Sequel? No, we'll wait. - How are you? - I know nothing. Would you tell them? They think they know something. - What? - I know nothing. - We have no reason to keep him here. - I know nothing. Please be patient. Foster has floppy. Exactly. If the boy no longer, there is no guarantee. I see no reason to not get rid of him and the woman? - I agree. - Stop. Killing them, we get what we want. Bring me the boy and sent the woman home. - What is it? - Foster's market. - How did you know that you find? - I know Foster. We detected. We have to go. - How are you, Joshua? - Establish business terms. - Why are we here? - I need a place to think. - Joshua playing with my mind. - It's a great strategist. - If you give him floppy gives me boy. - You can not do that. I do not know what is on disk. We may use the information on it to stop them. I thought we were going in the future. We're going. Naturally, we're going. Do you want to come back. The world does not look like this in my time. How does it look? Everywhere is war. Hatred, fear ... And it's so lonely ... There is no love, no beauty, even tenderness. No time for that. - Sometimes I think this is so. - No, this is different. Sacrifice yourself to see how this boy. I see the difference. I do not know if I could survive in your future, Elisabeth. - I admire your courage. - It's inspired by you, Cade Foster. Cade. Tell me, Cade. I read your journal a thousand times. In a dream I walked with you through every city. We fought together in all the battles. I understand, Cade. I know what you lost. I have kept alive the memory. I see why you loved Hannah. Hey. You're back pat. Let me see ... Eddie... You have to change. Do not have much time. - You go with her ... - You need to copy the disk. I can not do that, man. Gua put a virus of self-destruction the message to prevent copying. We have no choice. You will have to give in exchange for the boy original. Want to go? I'll take diskette. The I iau. - I can not. - You know you have. We can take with us and deciphered later. - I will diskette for the boy. - Cade, the boy will be fine. I will come back to save him. You said that no one fully understands, time travel. How can you promise that? Do not you come with me, eh? Does Not. - We desperately need you. - You saved my life. Maybe that's enough. You may have already stopped the second wave. - We do not know. - I know what to do here. Today. I can not care for others in the future if I flee from my present. You could stay. I do not want to go back. We need you here. - I need you here. - I can not. I'm just like you, Cade. I know my duties, and they are not here. - When to go? - Soon. In my time, you're known as a great and wise man, Crazy Eddie. The? - I am honored to meet you. - I. You know, if you still need someone to go with you ... Forget it. - That's the location? - Yes. He put the coordinates of where I came from. Please go away. This is not a safe place for you. I see you again? I do not know. Please go away. Gua are everywhere. It matters to know that you'll survive. I will survive, I promise. Can you do better future. I love you, Cade Foster. Go away. Please go away. You all right, Steven? Take a step forward. - I'll take you home. - Let me see first diskette. - How do I know it's true? - You know. Get in the car, Steven. - What floppy, Joshua? - That does not concern you. You used to find her. I'll remember next time. Think better ... Sooner or later I found the boy and floppy. So you got what you wanted. The boy is alive, right? Come Joshua, why you did it? To save his life? This diskette contains data on 200 of our agents. You got the boy, I agencies. Maybe we're not so different, Foster. I know my place in the world. There are twice blessed man. I was born, I died and I was born again. Suffice save my life to change the future? It is possible that what he did during our Lizbeth be enough to save humanity? I do not know. But whatever we do now, has consequences in the future. Resurrection came up with a new hope, because the future is to be written. Translation and adaptation - Florin thin Your conscience is like a radiation. Especially our genetic makeup. The bodies that we did not powerful enough to host you. But I think, that we have found what your need. Un om... Colonelul Nathan Pace, A distinguished soldier, the Bronze Star with Combat "V". Our agents took him from Quantico. I learned much about him, as we would like. My eyes if I am telling a jump. It is able to cope with some physical and mental pain extraordinary. Whatever you plan, you bastard, I suggest îþi cumpãneoti well. You need to face the stress of transfer. If anything happens to me, US Navy will avenge me. And you want that are not logged in. That will deteriorate naturally, but genetics will help us to extend its usefulness body. You heard me ? We'll make you pay for it! I like his spirit. God! However, Mabus are worried. Without technology transfer we could ... Rãsfaþã with me. - What the hell're? - Your Future, Colonel. Stop it! Mabus ? You failed. The transfer was successful. Mabus. Mabus ! Mabus ! Failed. Man is destroyed. Why ? I needed him. When my consciousness came into his, he overloaded nervous system. I need a strong mind not a strong body. In 1564 Nostradamus predicted the destruction of the world, three terrible waves ... The first wave is here. My name is Cade Foster. That's my story ... They killed my wife, they were charged for murder ... Now run but not hide. Profeþia lui Nostradamus mã cãlãuzeote. Am sã-i descopãr... Am sã-i vânez... I have to stop! Season 03 Episode 16 The first wave Translation and adaptation Florin (c) thin Catrenul 41, century IV ... At the start (inception) Millennium the cars new era, will provide destruction and war. From a throne under thirteen faceless warriors, invading King holds power. Inception OS, an operating system on almost all computers in the country, the cars new era. Max Stareman, president of a software empire latest intends to launch its program in two weeks. If "Inception" is the weapon that brings devastation, must stop him. But first, you must reach Stareman Max. Eddie, observation equipment is in place. There was trouble locating fiber optic data connections? You said you will not be. You're a professional, amigo. Tell that jurors will be charged for hacking when. - First we must seize. - Probably will happen. Do you listening to Stareman Building, it is at the limit of madness. The best programmers in the world work there. Some of them can be Gua, from Max Stareman. - Max, Max, do not talk seriously. - Never talk seriously, George. Just pretend that I win in the end, seven billion dollars. But we can not delay the start so much. The market awaits us. To expect. I want to make some changes. Aoadar launched patches on the site, as I did. And not this time. This time, the program must be perfect, and I will make those changes. If you put the question ... You're fired. - What? - It's a joke, George. - Why Gua, wants software? - To exercise control. The operating system runs on most computers in the world. Even Pentagon uses a special version. A program hidden, it would break all. But the rest quatrains? King invader must be Mabus. But, sitting on a throne under 13 faceless warriors? 13 ... Maybe it's lucky number, or it could be ... Stareman to stick to, right? I went through nine protocols protection, I passed a few firewalls, is to see the program's staff Stareman. - I think you're not expecting it. - Damn, this guy is good. Come on, sweetie, cooperate. - Yes, good. - Not as good as you. Agenda lui Stareman. Let's see what we have here! Sitting marketing conference call with Japan Lunch Pustrio ... It has a meeting tomorrow in Silicon Valley with a guy, Jinks Davis. Jinks? I have not heard much name. The guy was a hacker, legendary. Until it was clue and then hired a security firm net. Did you know? No. The guy is a loner, almost as paranoid as I am. - How is called the company? - Bug Terminal. It sounds like a pretty good place, to meet with the Stareman. I knew it. They have found. Damn! Hello, boys! I'm on your side. Eddie will put you in touch. Of course ... always wants. I do not know, Cade seems too easy. True security must be in ventilation ducts. I hate death ventilation ducts. - The grid is in front. - Check. I tie the rope. I found a plastic the size of a matchbox. - Cade, e cablat ! - Senzor electronic. Operated by removing the grille. I try to disable it. Do not drop it, or turn on the alarm. I was afraid you'd say that. - One is ready. - Fall ... Resistors are almost ready. Falls! I do not mind ventilation ducts. I realize why. It would be good to go. The ... Do me a favor. Be careful. Good. And you. Jinks, I hope you come early. There's room enough. Let us go. Îþi give a thousand dollars. A man prostuþ to a developer who will change the world. As if we could slow. Now what? I missed bypass indicator? What is wrong with you? I intend to take my lunch, as long as the sun is still in the sky. What is this ? A kidnapping? No time for that. Tell me what you want and write a check. Linioteote you, sir Stareman. George, la poliþie. Ia telefonul Meu. Do not resist, Max. It will be easier. You'll do worse, unless you're crazy or extremely stupid. Perhaps you know how much I'm worth. Furthermore logged in you could imagine. At least for now. Who the hell you're? There must be a cure for what happened logged. I could help you. - You already did, Max. - Please... No, whoever you are. Mabus. Mabus ? - Here. - Mabus, you're? In flesh and bones. On the first day of the attack, any computer that uses Inception Internet access provider will tighten ... and will release the virus. We will bring down the entire Internet in half an hour. Communications, defense systems, all deactivated for the second wave. Or our control. When you launch the product? In two weeks ... but Stareman ordered a postponement. He wanted to change the program. We can not allow that. I will inform the Council today. Dl Stareman s-a rãzgândit. You become more experienced in the transfer of consciousness. Stareman physical damage are minimal. - How do you feel? - I'm in a human body. I feel as if I would move me through the mud. You must be careful. A living human body does not heal itself like us. How is the brain îþi? Stareman His memories are intact, but I can access only parts of them. Memories partial, random emotions, can not read everything. I feel and the Stareman here. Actually fight for control, but will not get. Îþi inject plasmids. It is a circular DNA package. - Extends the life of the body. - For how long ? If we continue treatment for a few weeks at most a few months before starting the visible degradation. I do not think I need that much time. We missed our first meeting. We could still catch him on Jinks Davis. Internet security expert. You can use your normal voice. I don't think I can anymore. You have changed me. Thank you for that too. Let's talk about change. Oh, I can't. The prince summoned me. -I wanna be honest with you. -Well, sure. And that's what I'm gonna be with Alexandros. I'm a thief. As a matter of fact, I am the king of thieves. Then Iolaus was right. You lied to me... again. No, see, that's my whole point. For the first time, I didn't steal anything. The only reason I went through all this was so that I could spend time with you..., ...to see if what we almost had before could... Well, that's perfect, see, 'cause, here's what I wanna talk to you about. -Princess Hermia! -Just a second. What I wanna ask you, Cupcake, do you think... that there's a way...? -The prince is waiting. -Coming. We'll talk later. Princess Hermia... I've become a different person since I met you. Me too. And that's why I have a confession to make. I... It'll have to wait. -Iolaus! -Hey, how'd it go? -There's gonna be a fight! -She took it that badly? -No, there's gonna be a fight! -Get them! Up there! To the prince's chambers! Oh, not the face! I've only known you for a short while, but it's enough for me. Alexandros, first, you have to know... Open up! In the name of Carpathia! -You have betrayed me! -No! Please believe me! I never...! I couldn't...! Where are the castle guards? Unfortunately, out on maneuvers, my lord. Why do you hesitate? Kill him! Kill them both! Now! Hey, rich boy! Alexandros! -Hey! Nice to see ya! -It's good to be seen. Not so fast, pal! Iolaus! Do you think you can handle the rest of them? Yeah, I got it! -How ya doin', Your Highness? -It's only a graze. Thanks. You saved my life. Yeah, well..., ...you know, it's seven years bad luck to have a dead prince fall on ya. Oh, good. You're done fighting. Vitron, you're in some kind of conspiracy with King Georgas. That's not true. The king came with me to assure you of his friendship. Anyone you know? Darsus! So it's true. You sent your daughter to me in peace. -That's not my daughter. -What? Who are you? I'm nobody. I'm sorry. I don't belong here. Listen, I think I can offer a complete..., ...yet brief explanation. This is all my fault. Cupcake! I'm so ashamed. What's the penalty... for impersonating a princess? None. You don't ever have to pretend for me. I don't? No. I love you just as you are. -You do? -I do. Will you marry me? So, when's the date? Soon, I hope. Once you get into spring, all the good halls are booked. Funny. The first thing I wanted to do was to share it with you. Well, I appreciate that. I... I guess it's not the sort of thing you wanna read in the Antioch Enquirer,huh? Congratulations. Thank you. But it's just all happening so fast. Well, last night, he saw how beautiful you were..., ...how talented and no, you don't have to act it... how intelligent you are. -He sees all that? -I saw it. I mean, he saw it too, of course. So it's not hard to understand why he would want you bad, is my guess. It's a little dry in this castle. You might wanna do something about that when you're queen. I've only felt this way... once before. That's funny, the same here. It just didn't work out. Well..., ...as somebody once told me..., ...the person for you is out there. Sure. All the best to you, Cupcake. You know..., ...I truly thought that you'd be the one for me. Yeah, I thought so too. I love you, Cupcake. I gotta tell ya, Hercules..., ...this has been harder stealing the Chronos stone out of Quallus's ball. I know. Tougher than snatching' the sandals off of ol' Hermes feet. The girl that got away, huh? Two of 'em. The princess and the showgirl. Yeah, but thanks to you..., ...there'll be a new alliance ensuring peace for their children. Thanks to you, I'm going broke. See ya later, fellas. Hey, wait. Aren't ya gonna stick around for the official announcement? Oh, no, you haven't seen me cry. Believe me, it's not a pretty sight. You're gonna be okay, aren't ya? Oh, sure, eventually. All I have left right now is... one... shiny memory. -One shiny, blue memory. -Hey, Herc, Herc, wait. You know, things have gone so badly for him. Why not let him keep it for a while? Yeah, you're right. Ok, that's long enough. Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^) Hank: Larry Sanders! [Applause] [Theme music playing] Doc, you're a shrink. What do you think? I like The new opening. Really? Good. What about The, uh... Theme? Yeah, I like it! Great. Great. Great. Now, Larry, when You say, "different," What do you mean By that? Well, you know, It's just that... My contract is up In 8 weeks, And the network just doesn't Seem to give a shit. So-- Uh-huh. I don't know why. I mean, I've been Changing the show and all, And the ratings are Going up a little bit. So you'd think-- Have you noticed That we're changing it? We're in bed by 10:00 most nights. Well, that's ok. I can see that. I think they're, You know, grooming Jon Stewart to take my place. He guest-hosts the show Every now and then. He does a nice job. How do you know that? Well, I saw him As a guest host Just a couple Weeks ago. Oh. Is there a problem? Not really. You just said that you Don't stay up past 10:00. So I didn't know how You had seen Jon Stewart. I thought That was a little odd. Could we just Look at this again? You know, Larry, Why don't we Just stop it here, And i'll see ya Next week. [Elevator bell dings] How goes The head doctor? What's not to like? I got a lollipop, And he shaved me Before the exam. Ha ha! Well, you're not gonna Like this one, sonny boy. Your pals at the network Have decided That we need A pimple-faced chaperone, And they have assigned Kenny fucking mitchell As our creative consultant. First of all, There should be A law on the book That prevents Network people From using The word "creative" In their job titles. They see it On their stationery And they start Believing it. Excuse me, Larry. Stevie grant, Line 2. Great. Stevie? Stevie: hey, superstar! Hey! Yeah! Hey, I'm on melrose, man. Listen, let me tell you. el nino is lifting The skirts el northe. Whoa-ho! Whoa! Hey, look at her ass! Yeah! How are the contract Negotiations going? Great! Really great. Look, the ball's In their court. In other words, You haven't Heard from them. Hey, Artie. I didn't know You were there. I'm his interpreter. I speak fluent bullshit. Look, I'm seeing bingham This afternoon, And don't worry. I'm going To ream him and-- [Car horn honks] Get out of the way, You stupid chink bitch! And, look, I'm pulling Into the canyon here. Now you're starting To break up on me. I'll see ya after The network meeting. [Click, dial tone] What canyon Comes off melrose? Bullshit canyon, That's what. I can't believe You actually think Your agent is your friend. He can be A nice guy. He's a prick. What makes you Say that? You said it first, Remember? You said you want a prick Working for you So you wouldn't have To be one. [Sighs] That's the trouble With hollywood, Larry. Everyone's got two pricks And three assholes. It's a genitalia Horn of plenty. Here's another piece of fan mail That arrived the other day. Why does the handwriting Of most of my fan mail Match the handwriting Of the unabomber? [Paper rustles] "Dear sir, your show Is technically crippling. "What's left of humanity? Love, ted k." This must be for Hank. Ha, that's funny. Funny. Well, well, our new Creative liaison. That's what They're calling me. Kenny, we're right In the middle Of a rehearsal. Oh, no, no. Of course. I just want To show you The new ratings. You are up .2 overall, .3 in The 18 to 49s, And in the All-important 18 to 35s, You're up A whopping .32. You're even up In children 2 to 9. What are they Doing up so late? Who gives a shit? They're watching you. Wow! We're-- we're Beating Letterman. We're beating Letterman In indianapolis. His own backyard. How good does That feel? The network Is doing cartwheels. As am i. Let's all join The fucking circus. Gentlemen, can we get back To the rehearsals? Hey, all my changes Are working. The new opening, The shorter monologue, The new backdrop. Uh, these flowers are Too fucking kathie lee, If you ask me. People seem to Like 'em, you know. I think We should try the show Without the desk. Our research shows It'll help make Larry Seem more accessible, Especially To the 18 to 35s. This desk is the most Lasting relationship That Larry's ever had. He's married To this desk. It's there for him Every night, And it allows him To come in from the rear. Let's try it, you know? Because, seriously, Running through The audience works, So, maybe, you know, We should try The no-- no desk. Look, we're just A point behind leno In-- in, uh, chicago. Sure. He's been running Through the audience For 2 years. Right. So, you know, I've got a lot Of catching up to do, And, you know, Maybe we can Find a shortcut. Martin scorsese, Paul reiser, and colin hay. The guy From men at work? [Sighs] You're killing us. That's 3 guys. Where's the sex? On keenan? Know what we need? Tequila! We need To dump scorsese And get A hugh grant. That would Still be 3 guys. You know What I mean. Well, sure! We'll have our bookers Scour sunset after midnight, And the first celeb We find getting blown By a hooker, Consider him booked. Or her. Now excuse me. [Sighs] I thought we sprayed For roaches last week. Uh, ken? Ken, can I talk To you just a se-- Sure. Listen, I've been Looking at the set, And it's very nice. Uh, but I just Had a confusion. There's just a-- Ha ha-- Table and 2 chairs. Right. Where do The guests sit? Oh, I see Why you're confused. No, I've, uh, moved you To your own special area Over there. Uh, here? Further. Can't, uh, Go any further. [Chuckles] Right here, Hank. Yeah, it's, uh-- It's fresher. Can I share Something with you? Um, I have a severe Hearing disorder. Actually, It's a, uh... Punctured eardrum, And, uh, Whenever I'm, uh... Very near A loud noise Such as a... A band, My head feels Like it's just... [Groans] I mean, Have you seen The zapruder film? Hank, could you excuse us For a moment? I've got some business To discuss with kenny. Of course. I thought We had an agreement That you're not supposed To be here 30 minutes Before the show. I wanted To talk to Larry. That's exactly what I don't want you to do. Now what's it about? About the monologue. He did too many Jokes last night. What are you saying? Well, 2 of them Didn't get anything. He should just do The jokes that work. How the hell do you know Which joke's gonna work? Are you a moron? Why don't you Get off my ass? Why don't you Get off my stage Like you promised? Hey, say it now, Arthur, Because pretty soon, You won't be able To say it at all. Your show's On its last legs, And let me Tell you something. I don't Give a hot damn. This is just A stepping stone to Prime time for me, A tired little Piece-of-shit Stepping stone. No kidding? Yep. [Yelling] Listen, stevie, I love Larry. It's coming From upstairs. Upstairs? Upstairs? ! We're on the top floor. Someone on The fucking roof? Sorry I'm late. It's all right. Listen, I was Just telling stevie How the corporation Can't really justify Making a bigger Investment in Larry Based on His current numbers. Especially when Jon Stewart matches Or beats them For a fraction Of the price. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How many guys are Gonna come in here And blow me? Listen, What we're forgetting Is that Jon Stewart even beats Larry's best numbers. Do I look deaf to you? 'Cause you're talking To me like I'm deaf. Do deaf people walk around In $3,000 suits? I don't think so! Calm down. Look, last I checked, Larry's numbers were up. Well, I think That's because Kenny's doing A very good job. Thank you. Ok. If we don't get An offer that we like, I'm shopping Larry. Stevie. You guys can just Take your cocks, And you can Put them on at 11:30 With all The other cocks, And you can call it The cock network. Well, correct me If I'm wrong, But aren't you also Negotiating deals With us For michael richards And Jon lovitz? Yes, I am! Yeah. Ok. Let's let the Larry thing Drop for now. Tracy, Sparkling water. And one flat, please. [Clears throat] So I think there's A real opportunity For you here, Jon. Wow. Yeah. They Took the veal Off the menu. I hate This fucking place. They're not Renewing his option? Doesn't look good, And they're so hot For you to take over That show, It's not even funny. See, this is Just getting weird. I mean... [Softly] I mean, I'm getting calls From agents, managers, Network people. It's fucking insane! Well, that's why You need me, To keep these Scumbags off of you. You just Gotta promise me... That this is ok With Larry. Yeah. Yeah, uh, Larry knows how The business works, And he and I have Been friends for... You know, Like nearly Half a decade now. He-- he turned me On to you. He's cool with this. What's the problem? I'm asking for a note That says I cannot Sit next to the band Because I have An ear something... Well, I don't know. You're the doctor. Use your imagination. Jesus christ, my rectal tract Paid for your jaguar. [Knock on door] Oh, no. Let me buy you A drink, Hank. Oh, no. Say when. When. I got some bad news. What? Let's drink first. Oh, my god. I knew I was on my way out. This move to the band Is like getting on The fucking bus To auschwitz. I'm on my way out. Fuckers. Fuckers! Who do they think Hank Kingsley is To be discarded Like some object? Shut up and stop being So goddamn egotistical. I am on my way out. You're out? Yeah. I'm in. You're out. [Laughs] Boy, oh, boy. Ah. That's right. Gotta drag this out. Trust me. You just Gotta drag it out. You get me The executive Producer credit, I'll have this thing In fucking reverse. [Laughs] Hey, there you are. Sorry I'm late. I was at a photo shoot. Oh! For which client? No, it was for me. It was For entertainment weekly, The 50 most powerful People in hollywood Under 30. I thought you were 32. Yeah. Well... Congratulations. Thank you. So, uh, Did you talk To the network? Oh, you mean did I kick The shit out of them And stuff their head In a toilet And flush it 19 times? Yeah. And? One year. No bump. [Clears throat] How many times did you Flush their head down The toilet? What are you Trying to say? What do you mean? Well, it just sounds Like you're trying to imply That I didn't do my best. This is about Jon Stewart, Isn't it? I am telling you Abc has just Made him an offer, And the network Is just using me As a fucking Negotiation tool. Who represents him Anyway? I do. You do? Since when? Since today. I thought you had A photo shoot And a meeting. I had to eat lunch, Larry. With Jon Stewart. Yeah. [Band starts playing] I see. Don't you think That's a tad Of a conflict? Not for me. Hey, that's what Life is about, Larry. It's about conflict. Yeah, you have To learn to balance Things out, all right? You know, and I think I do a pretty good Fucking job. Now... Excuse me. I have to go be On television. Hank: Larry Sanders! [Audience applauds] Hey, buddy boy. What's up? Can I take a moment Of your time? Sure. [Sniffs And clears throat] How's your new car? It's good. It's good. Just came over From the dealer. Hey, watch The fucking suit! Larry trusted you, You fucking, Goddamn lowlife. Hey, I love Larry, Ok? I was at his Mother's funeral. Remember? I remember you Tooting up behind a tree, Using your cell phone. Well, we're all A little nervous here At the Larry Sanders show Because the network Is requiring us To attend a sexual Harassment seminar On friday, And I still Don't have a date. [Audience laughs] You know, Let me say this. You're a dinosaur, Artie. Thank you. I'm just exercising My right to be The best I can be. That's what america Is all about, ok? That's what makes it A great company. Country. What did I say? The chicken flu Is really something. Boy, oh, boy, My chicken has been In bed for 6 weeks. [Audience laughs] I really just hope My cock doesn't get it. [Laughter] I'm gonna keep The monologue Short tonight Is what I'm gonna do Because we Have a new set, And, uh, why don't We go check it out? So, uh... [Band starts playing] Let's do it! [Applause and cheers] So... [Audience chuckles] Huh? I got a lot of... Got a lot of letters Asking if, uh... You know, there's any way The people at home Can see my lap Throughout The whole show, And, uh, here it is. You got A clear shot, uh... Honestly, that desk Was totally, uh... In the way. So... Do you like The new set, uh... Do you like The new set, Hank? [Audience laughs] Oh, that's right. So Hank is over By the, uh, band now, Which is, uh-- Are you liking that? Are you comfortable Over there? I'm sorry. What? [Audience laughs] Are you-- Are you comfortable? I say-- You know, This is, uh... Are you, uh-- Do we have a beeper For Hank? [Rimshot] Whoa! I actually thought We had a little Tremor there. Um, I think the set Is very great. I think It's beautiful. I think it's, uh... Downtown. [Audience laughs] Which city downtown In which, you know? Which city? I can't- - I can't Hear you. What? What? I can't-- I-- you know what? What? Oh. Why don't we-- You know what? Why don't we move on To our first guest? He's a wonderful Musician. I'm a big fan. We're lucky to have him Here tonight. His current cd is called transcendental highway. Many of you know him From the band men at work. He also tours solo. Please give a warm welcome To colin hay. Colin hay. * There's a woman In the mirror * * Fixing her lips * * There's a man In the bathroom * * Looking for tips * * I park the car * * No one to pay * * One pizza later * * It's towed away * * I can't take this town * * I just don't believe it * * I can't take this town * * I better love it Or leave it * * I can't take this town * * I just don't believe it * * I can't take this town * * I just don't believe it * * Hey hey hey * * Hey hey hey * * Hey * * Sitting eating dinner * * Just the other day * * Not my friends * * I didn't know What to say * * A woman leaned over * * Said you gotta have hits * * All I could do * * Is stare at her * * Hey hey hey... * You know, You were right About stevie grant. How do you like The big, comfy chairs? They're airy. Very airy. Well, maybe we Ought to get you One of those long pillows Shaped like a woman, so, You know, If you get nervous, You can start Humping one of them. Yeah. * I can't take this town * * I just don't believe it * * I can't take this town * * I better love it Or leave it * * I can't take this town * * I just don't believe it * * I can't take this town * * I better love it Or leave it * * I can't take this town * * I just don't believe it * * I can't take this town * * I better love it Or leave it * So, from then on, No one else was interested, So I formed my own label Called lazy eye records. Right, because, uh... Because i-- Have one? No! It's not that at all, But that's a very Interesting thing You mentioned there, That I do Have a lazy eye. [Laughs] Well, I assumed. Oh, yeah. I know. Yes, of course, And, um, But actually-- Because you do. You have an eye That if I may say-- It has a blatant Disrespect for me And for anything That I look at. Basically, I can look at you, And this eye, If it gets bored Or if somebody's Talking to me, This eye just goes, "Ah"-- Just looks over here, You know. I'm sorry. This gets very-- I think it's a gift. I wish I could Look away. Yeah. So-- So I formed My own label, And, uh-- But, you know, really, You can't-- It's very difficult To get my records. As a matter of fact, As a record company-- Because then I became A record company executive, You know, My own record label. Look how Uncomfortable I am. Yeah, well, it's Gonna take some Getting used to. You know, I used to Have a desk myself. I don't know Who I am anymore. You're Larry Sanders. Well, who is that? Just someone who does Whatever the network Tells him to do? Larry, That's the way The world works now. It's all About the money, And the money Is in the numbers. I was hoping, you know, That maybe You could make me Feel a little better. Larry, I wrote A screenplay That I think Would be fantastic For patrick swayze. Great. Is there any way You could help me Get it to him? Um... Is my time just about up? Hey, kenny. Hey, good jokes Tonight. Thanks. Listen, I want The, uh, desk back. Oh, I think we should Wait for the ratings To come in. No, no, no. It's not worth The, uh, one point In chicago. Larry, let's maintain The commitment. What are you Talking about? I'm talking About commitment. So what are You saying? I can't have The desk back? Larry, this is Coming from upstairs. How could it Be coming From upstairs? I just asked you. [Whispering] Oh. I get it. [Footsteps] Ohh... What a fucking business. Yeah. They think It's about a desk. Yeah. That's right. What do you do About it? You put your foot down. Right. Thank you. [Doorknob rattles] Ok, I want to thank, Uh, Hank. Good job tonight, And I want to thank Vanessa williams And don imus Who were just, uh... Terrific tonight, And Hank, good job. As, uh, as always. [Audience laughs] And before We leave tonight, I do want to make An announcement To those of you Watching at home. Uh, as you may have heard, My contract is up In, uh, 8 weeks, And, uh, I want you To know first That when My contract is up, I will not be coming back. Audience: aww! It's really time To move on. I appreciate you Being there. What the fuck Was that? Shit, I swear I had No idea about this. Shit! Fuck! Fuck! Larry: no flipping. [Audience applauds] [Band starts playing] I have to run down The checklist Just to be sure. You on Any medication? No. Just break up With someone? No. I would like The desk back For the last 8 weeks. You're fired. You won't have to deal With these fuckers Anymore, ok? Thanks, buddy. Uh, Larry. When I said Put your foot down, I think you Misunderstood me. Hello. We're Mystik Spiral. But we might change our name. I'm glad you're happy watching my pain, burning crop circles on my soul's waves of grain. We had no love scene but you've cut to the chase, you're chopping off my nose to spite my face. Ow, my nose! Ow, my face! Ow, my nose! Ow, my face! Ow... You want to go for a burger after this? What? You want to go for a burger after this? What? Burger! Get! Get burger! Get burger? Hmm... okay. This place does put me in the mood for meat. Cool. I'll tell Trent we're going with him. With... Trent? Yeah, the band's going over to Cluster Burger. You're not going to act like a complete nitwit, are you? Define complete. Um, I just need to go to the bathroom. Good idea. Check your lack of makeup. All yours, dude. I can't stand this. What was I thinking? Brittany? All right, so Kevin is a stupid, selfish, conceited jerk. He's still better than Terry or Jerry or whatever his name is and this stupid club. Who's Terry or Jerry? Oh, no! I've said too much! What happened to your neck? Your neck. It's all, like, blotchy. I don't know. I'm not surprised you could catch something in a horrible place like this. Uh, Brittany, could you do me a favor? Um... yes? Find Jane and tell her I had to leave? Sure, but... will you promise not to tell Kevin about Terry or Jerry or whoever? In the unlikely event that, through some bizarre set of circumstances, I end up conversing with Kevin, I won't tell him about Terry or Jerry. Thanks! Daria? You in there? Don't worry. Have some consideration for female modesty, please! Oh, sure. Sorry. I'll tell Jane. I won't tell Kevin. Emergency. Yes, that is correct. Daria! Let's go. Where to? What makes a happy, vibrant, involved teen become a surly, resentful, withdrawn teen? Yeah, what? Drugs, that's what. The old story hits a new generation. Daria, is that you? Yeah, hi, good night. Oh, my gosh, Helen, you don't think Daria... Jake, she was never happy, vibrant or involved. Besides, she's a straight-A student. That could be her cover! Her pupils, we should check her pupils. What did I do with that pamphlet? Jake, please. For all we know, she's dealing Mary Jo out of the rec room. That's Mary Jane, and we don't have a rec room. It's briefs and bagels day at the Carlyle. Daria, I wanted to talk to you about something. Have you seen this pamphlet? "Is Your Teenager Using Drugs? Ten Warning Signs." Yes. Yes. No. Maybe. Sometimes. Hmm. About three times a week. And not if she can possibly avoid it. In my opinion, Quinn's clean. What? Although you might want to check her pupils. I, uh, was thinking more about you, Daria. Oh, then you're not supposed to let me read this. You're supposed to sneak around, spying on me and looking through my sock drawer. Kiddo, which one is your sock drawer? I can show you, Daddy. Well, look who it is. Invisible girl. Look, I'm sorry about last night Aw, forget it. It was a rare opportunity, getting to hang out with Brittany in a grunge club. Although her hair did leak onto my shoes. You're sure that wasn't her brain? No, there was too much of it. Any idea what caused this so-called rash? I wish I knew. Anyway, the important thing is that instead of going to your friends for help, you ran screaming into the night. Basically. Perfectly logical response. I thought so. Arrogant, proud, vain... thuggish. King Lear is all of these and worse. And yet, if we tilt our figurative head to the side and squint just so, isn't he also just a little... cuddly? What is it about tyrants that makes them so... I don't know, charismatic? Our own Ms. Li... Daria? Oh, dear. Perhaps I should ask if anyone else might wish to be excused because of the emotionally sensitive nature of today's subject matter. Eww! Gross! Is there a bathroom in this town without someone I know in it? What happened to your face? I don't know. It's a rash or something. Okay, don't panic. I'm sure I have something here. Let's see, moisturizing cream with aloe. Too late for that. Well, there's hydro-eight, the ultimate pimple medicine, except that's not really pimples, I guess. I don't get it. You're really helping me? Skin-care crises transcend personality conflicts, Daria. It's in the fashion club bylaws. And this is obviously a crisis. Now, this is poxicil for non-specific blemishes, and this is salosocilin for a micro-zit condition. I don't really think any of those are what I need. Yeah. It's time for some serious prescriptions. Hey, what are you doing with all that stuff? Your skin's fine. And it's going to stay that way. Well, sorry I can't help. Bye. Jake, honey, we have a problem. Daria is in the school nurse's office. Oh, my God, what is it? What did they find on her? Just tell me it's not too late for rehab! Oh, Jake, will you get a grip? She has a rash and they want her to see a doctor right away. Rashes, rashes... I had Marianne call Dr. Davidson, but the thing is, I've got this big Calco meeting... I can be at the school in... 11 minutes. Rashes... never mind, no time now. Damn it! Go to hell, you reckless bastard! My kid's got a rash! Ah, the damn window's up! I said, go to hell, you reckless... hey, wait, get back here! Daria, I assume the inner lining of your pillow doesn't contain any synthetic fibers. Um, okay. You don't drink carbonated beverages, do you? Yes. Do you stay away from foods with artificial colors, bleach, flour and refined sugar? No. What have I got? I haven't the slightest idea. Probably some kind of allergy but we can't rule out something a bit more... serious. Especially with the slight fever you're running. Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to check you into the hospital for some tests. No way. There you go. Nice, fresh sheets, and all tucked in. You'd never know that poor Mrs. Sullivan just lay here and... Who? Nobody, no one. See you tomorrow. Dad. Dad! You look thirsty. Why don't you go get a soda? Oh, there's water here. I don't want to leave you. Go ahead, Dad. I'll be fine. Treat yourself to a nice root beer... in a frosty cold can. Frosty cold can... you know, I wouldn't mind a root beer! How about you, kiddo? I'm fine. Go on, now. Be right back. Yo! Hi. Hi. Where are you? The hospital. What? Just for a night or two, while they run some tests. Bummer. It's no big deal, but the thing is, I'd rather you didn't tell anybody about this rash. I'll call you back. Oh, sweetie. Oh, my goodness, just look at you. Hi, Mom. Good to see you, too. Dad's getting a soda. Jake, have you seen her face? What did the doctor say? No one's been in to see her yet, but Dr. Davidson doesn't think it's drugs. No one's been in to see her, and you're going out for sodas? ! Jake, can't you take charge of a situation for one damn minute? - But I... - Hi, Daria. Hi, Quinn. If you had any sense you'd realize that these big hospitals let patients slip through the cracks all the time. You have to keep after them every second. You know, this is exactly the kind of constant bickering that could make an otherwise happy young person turn to drugs. I want a doctor in here now! Oh, why do I bother? Nurse... nurse... nurse! You said I could have a root beer. Jane? Brittany? What happened to your hair? Never mind that now. Have you seen... Daria? Why would you want... Daria? What makes you think I want her? I don't want her. Who said I want her. You asked me if I'd seen her. She hasn't told you anything... interesting about me, has she? No one's ever told me anything interesting about you. That's a relief. Anyway, she'll be back in a day or two. She's in the hospital while they check out that ra... rare condition. Condition? Yeah, she's come down with a slight case of, um, brain fever. It's a thing that brains get. Wow, that sounds serious. No, no, usually if you just read a best-seller it'll go away. So, um, no need to mention it to anyone. I'll tell her you asked about her. Just ask her if she remembers our deal. What deal? What deal? The deal you just mentioned. I didn't say anything about a deal. Forget I said anything about a deal. Forget I said anything about a hospital. Okay! Hey! Now we have a deal. What deal? Later. Brain fever... Death wore velvety green. Homicidal house plants, next on Sick, Sad World. The word malpractice must still have some meaning. Mrs. Morgendorffer, I assure you... Wasn't this Mrs. Sullivan's room? Who? Never mind. How are you doing, Daria? I'm Dr. Phillips. Hello. Hi, I'm Quinn. I get sick, too. Hello, Quinn. I think the way you save peoples' lives is really cool. Thank you. Daria, they'll be coming by in a few minutes to take a little blood. Besides this rash, is there anything else that's been bothering you? She's been sniffling. I think she may have allergies but she insists she doesn't. Sniffling? Where's that pamphlet? Jake, get up and let the doctor sit down. No, no, no, that's all right. Actually, if you all wouldn't mind leaving the room for a moment, there are a couple of rather personal questions I'd like to ask Daria. Of course. Don't bother. She hasn't done anything. You, too, Mrs. Morgendorffer. Oh... all right. Let's make this short. I don't use drugs and I'm not sexually active. No, of course not. What do you mean, "of course not"? I mean, if you say so. So then, what did you want to ask me? Nothing in particular. I just thought you could use a break from your parents for a while. You play gin rummy? Sure. Actually, I did want to ask you one thing. Yeah? What is it with your mother? Who are you? I am Eleanor Sullivan. This is my room. There must be some kind of mistake. The nurses' station is down the hall. Eleanor Sullivan? Mrs. Sullivan? You mustn't be frightened. I was frightened. Especially during those final agonies, ohhh! But that was before I knew where I was going. Come. Where are we going? My dear, don't you know? Is this Heaven? Mmm, it has many names. It's beautiful. Yes. Hey, what's up? You wanna party? Excuse me? Hey, babe, why don't you take your glasses off and relax? Um, I'm plenty relaxed. You can tell by my deep, rhythmic breathing. Oh, man, what'd you do? Bring us another brain? Look, I just go where they tell me. Um, is there a problem? This is Heaven, sweetheart. What would we want with a brain? I don't... Sorry. Babe, what happened to your hair? Never mind that now. Did you know that Daria has brain fever? Brain fever? Yeah. Doesn't that sound serious? You get the scalpel. We can use my dad's barn as an operating room. Your dad doesn't have a barn. We could use your basement. Brittany, I'm sure if it was serious, Daria would be in the hospital. What? She is in the hospital? She's not in the hospital. I promised I wouldn't say anything about the hospital because I made a deal with Daria and she kept her part and I kept my part but then I made another deal with Jane and I didn't even know I was making it until it was made and now I didn't keep my part because I told about the hospital so now Jane's going to tell about the deal and I didn't mean anything by it I just wanted to see what other kids do at night who don't do sports and he didn't mean anything to me, Kevvy, I swear it! So... she is in the hospital. I'm sorry about all this blood work, Daria, but so far, all signs are good. Other than my having turned into Ms. Tomato Head, you mean. Well, yeah. Hi. Hey. Jane, this is Dr. Phillips. Pleased to meet you. Friend, not family, right? How can you tell? Daria seemed happy to see you. I'll stop by later. Okay, thanks. Ooh-la-la. Doctor, I have a pain. Please. The man is a butcher. Look what he's done to my face. That's pretty red. Um, what is it? So far, the tests are all negative, so probably nothing. Like I need this. What? A big, bright mysterious rash covering my skin. I know! And here you were, perfectly capable of alienating people on personality alone. You know, you could have just sent flowers. Hey, it's not so bad. And it'll go away, if not this year, then definitely next. At least no one at school has seen it. They probably haven't even noticed I'm gone. Daria? Brittany? What are you doing here? Um, I just wanted to thank you for not going back on our deal, and I thought I might find Jane here and tell her I did kind of go back on our deal, but I also kind of went back on your part of our deal so there's no use in you doing that. We had a deal? And to see how you were. Um, you're kind of red. Yes, but I'm probably okay. Great! What was our deal? Daria? What are you doing here? Well, Brittany said you had some brain fever or something, but you weren't in the hospital. So I kept asking Jane, and she finally admitted you had a rash and you were in the hospital. So we just figured we'd come down here and see for ourselves, how you were. I'm probably okay... So that's cool. ... for a human lobster. Oh, so you're a little red. It could happen to anybody. Well, it could happen to lots of people. Daria? Quinn? - How are you? - Oh, I'm... Is that Dr. Phillips coming by today? I've got, um, a twinge. Daria? Kevin? What are you doing here? I went over to Mack's house and, like, the basement was empty. Daria, am I glad to see you. Um, thanks, Kevin. I was afraid they'd start the operation without me. It's a long story. Maybe later, when you have your strength back. Daria? Who are you? I'm Mrs. Sullivan. Did I leave an enema bag here? Dr. Phillips was very nice. He said Daria's rash was probably triggered by anxiety. He gave us a prescription in case it doesn't go away on its own. Anxiety? Well, what could be giving you anxiety, sweetie? Um, let's see. Every aspect of my life? That's Jane. See you. Daria? Yeah? Your father and I just want you to know we're very proud of the way you handled this situation. That's right, kiddo. I didn't do anything but sit there like a crash dummy while they took blood. You were worried, weren't you? Daria, we're your parents. Yeah, well... Thanks for being there for me. Did she just say...? Jake, don't spoil the moment. Hey, ready to go? Yeah. Trent's going to give us a ride. Trent? Hey, Daria. What? Réponses au blindtest : Daria goes to bathroom Siouxsie The Banshees - Kiss Them For Me Daria sneaking out of club Beastie Boys - Pass The Mic Daria goes home in taxi Semisonic - Closing Time Daria wakes up White Zombie - Super Charger Heaven Daria in English class Urge - Jump Right In Daria running into bathroom Stabbing Westward - Save Yourself Daria at hospital Travis - U16 Girls ghost comes in Daria's room Portishead - Only You Daria in heaven Radiohead - No Surprises at Pizza King Spice Girls - Stop end credits Juliana Hatfield - Live on Tomorrow [Wind Whistling] - [Dutch] Well? - How much is there? Three hundred. - Did you like them? - Yes. Two thirds. One third. Okay, let's take half. ¤¤[Techno] [Yelling] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Ends] Hugo. Hmm? - About saying good-bye. - Hmm. It bothers me that we never see them again. Does it? Yeah. Cut the crap, Goof. Let's get down to work. - ¤¤[Techno] - [No Audible Dialogue] [No Audible Dialogue] - ¤¤[Continues] - [No Audible Dialogue] ¤¤[Ends] Wait out here. - [English] Excuse me. Can we ask you something? - Yeah, sure. We're looking for a coffee shop. Do you know where that is? - "Sodom." Yeah, I know it. - Yeah? - I can take you there if you want. - Oh, yes. [German] Are you crazy? You don't know him. - [English] No, I don't think so. - It's no problem. [Speaks German] [English] We just have to wait for my friend. He'll be right back. [Speaking German] [Dutch] My name is Goof. - Beate. - [English] Ah, look, there he is. Hi, girls. Wanna fuck? [Dutch] What are you doing? I finally make contact by myself, and you come along and ruin it. Ruin it? I just saved you. Airheads like that hang out at McDonald's. Besides, we've already had Swedes. They were German. Come on, smart-ass. What were you doing? You'll see tonight. - [English] Happy? - ¤¤[Techno] [No Audible Dialogue] [Chattering, Indistinct] Be subtle, Goof. Staring like some moron will only scare them off. - Take a different approach. - Like what? Yeah. Try to look more out of the corner of your eye. Right. Now step back. - [Bicycle Bell Ringing] - A little further. - [Grunting] - [Goof] Sorry. - That's just like you. - Why didn't you tell me? [Hugo In English] I'm so sorry. You know, he's a bit of a dreamer. - Where are you from? - Italia. Sure you didn't hurt yourself? Just a little bit, you know, but - Be careful. Amsterdam's a dangerous place, you know. Yeah. And I'm afraid we are not used to bicycles. That's okay. It was Goof s fault anyway. - Oh, this is where you're staying? - Yeah. Would you like to drink something in the lobby with us? - [Exhales, Coughs] - So, here is it. It's nice, huh? Wow. Freddy's Peace Hotel. [Chuckles] - Hi. - Hi. [Dutch] Hey, Goof. Look over there. Isn't that the chick from last week, Heidi or something? I don't think so. Well, I was wrong. Why do you always get the cutest one? Natural selection. It's not my doing. It's God's. - You said God doesn't exist, only you. - No. I said, "There's just the I." In your case, that's you. - [Italian] Wanna smoke, Kika baby? - Yeah. Thanks, Freddy. - Angela? - Yes, please. - [Dutch] You two? - No, thanks. Do you have black currant soda? Black currant soda? I don't sell that stuff. It's for wimps. - [English] Who is that guy? - He's Freddy. He owns this place. - You know him? - Everybody knows Freddy. He's so cool. Did you know he met the Beatles in Pakistan? [Dutch] Still, you did a shitty thing. You shouldn'tjudge a book by its cover. That's a form of racism, you know. Every individual is interesting. Every woman has something characteristic and unique about her... whether she's beautiful or ugly. - Then you take the fat one. - No, she prefers you. You have to respect that. Sit down next to her. Go on. [English] What's this all about? [Dutch] Nothing. Blob. [English] More close to him, please. Smile. [Chuckling] [Chattering, Indistinct] - Mamma mia. - [Sniffing] [Groans] Psst. Goof. What are you waiting for? She's sweet. - That blob? - She's not a blob. She's beautiful. Don't get sentimental on me. Rip it out. Not that much. They were nice. Mine wasn't that nice. - Take her money then. - That's what I'm doing. - Stick to the rules. - Look who's talking. That's what I'm doing, but you keep changing them! It's called dialectics, Goof. Thesis, antithesis, synthesis. It's not fair. Angela doesn't have much money and hates her job in Turin. That's her problem. Where's the fucking camera? Where's the camera? - [Yelling] - Shh! - [Angela] Kika.! - [English] Bye! Goof! - [Shouting, Indistinct] - Hey! [Yells] [Freddy Shouting, Indistinct] Hey.! [Freddy Shouting, Indistinct] - Sissy! Are you in this or not? - Sorry! - This bullshit doesn't do us any good. - Sorry! Now those bitches even have a picture of me. So it works out better if we steal all the money? Of course. The shittier we are to them, the better it works. You told me yourself you only fall in love when there's some hope. Try to understand that there's no use falling in love. Don't give in to your feelings. You have to draw the line somewhere. If we steal everything, there's no way back. So why don't we steal their credit cards as well? No. We can't do that. It's against the law. [Cell Phone Ringing] Hello? I'd just fallen asleep. - I told you I work night shifts. - [Goof Chuckling] Shut up, Goof. - I didn't say anything. - See? No, that was Goof, bullshitting as usual. Mom, I'm going back to sleep. Yeah. Love you too. Bye. - What was in that bottle? - What bottle? - You stuck it up your nose. - It was for my cold. No, those are poppers, stupid. It's for sex. It gives me that last boost. - Is it the train from Cologne or Paris? - Paris. - Paris. - ¤Paris, here we come ¤¤ - So you're impotent. - No, but it makes coming much better. Would I like it too? They say it kills brain cells. You're short of those already, so - [English] Hey, looking for a place to stay? Freddy's Peace Hotel. Best place in town. [German] Listen up. Freddy's Peace Hotel. Pot smokers' paradise. [Dutch] Fuck off, man! ¤¤[Techno] [No Audible Dialogue] [No Audible Dialogue] ¤¤[Continues] - ¤¤[Ends] - [No Audible Dialogue] You think it's hers? [English] Excuse me. Did you just arrive from Paris? Yeah. Why? We just came in at the last stop, and we found this bag. - And we thought it might be yours. - Oh, no. I'm sorry. I have all my stuff. - [Dutch] Let's take it to lost and found. - But what a waste. - [English] Look. It's nice stuff. - You sure it isn't yours? No, I'm positive. Oh, thank you. - Hey, Lara, is that your bag? - Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. [Chuckles] Okay. Please accept it. Finder's fee. Ah, thank you. Oh, look, Hugo. It's real French wine... from the Albert Heijn. [Chuckling] [No Audible Dialogue] [Dutch] Shit! [English] I'm sorry. I forgot all about it. We have to catch a train. We're changing trains. So, sorry. [Dutch] Beat it. [English] Okay, sorry, girls. Enjoy Amsterdam. Hey, you know Freddy's Peace Hotel? It's really cool. [Dutch] Blob. Come on, now. What are you doing? Where are we going? - I want my bag back. - What? - Are you crazy? - Relax, man. - [English] Hey. - I knew a shortcut. - A very short cut. - So what happened to your train? - Missed it. - Almost as much as we missed you. - [Chuckling] - [Woman] Damrak, Dam-Damrak? [Hugo] Yeah, Damrak. That's the street that's connected to the Dam Square. And, uh, well, you know, this is the place where all the junkies live. Oh. Oh, I heard about this place. Is this a good place to stay? Oh, no. No, that sucks. Hey, Goof. They wanna go to Freddy's Peace Hotel. Oh, no, no. No, sorry. You can't go there. - Why not? - Only tourists go to Freddy's. I heard that the owner actually met the Beatles in Pakistan. Yeah, why do you think they ran off to India, huh? Okay, forget it. Go someplace else. [Goof] Shall we go for something really, really expensive? [Hugo] Okay, Goof. Now we're talking. [Hugo] You can draw out some money... because in Dutch restaurants they hardly accept credit cards. - Oh, really? - Yeah. Well, how much do you think I should get? Well, 500 guilders will get you through dinner. Okay. Well, I'll get a thousand then. - How do you like it? - It's okay. Okay. Get in. Closer. Tighter. Cheese. - [Hugo Laughing] - Come on, Lara. You can't even smile? Do you want some wine? - No. - No, thanks. [Dutch] Isn't it nice of Kristy to pay? I think I'll try the lobster. - [English] Good thinking. - What are you guys thinking? Uh, I think you can pay with a credit card. Oh, would you just stop worrying about money? So do you know what you guys are getting? Mm-hmm. - [Hugo] Cheers. - [Kristy] Cheers. To my new friends. - Welcome to Amsterdam. - Thank you. How do you like Holland? I don't know. I just arrived. Hmm. First impression? I don't have first impressions. - But it's fun. - Hugo. - [Dutch] Not now, Goof. - Sorry. Could you say something to her? I can't get a conversation going. Maybe some other time, okay? - Sorry. Bye. - Bye. [English] You know, you have this, uh, this road there - Here. That should cover everything and dessert too, if you want it. So, uh, just try and stay out for a few hours, okay? And when you do come back, just make sure that you knock first. - Okay? You understand? - No. Okay? Thank you. Bye. So, where are you from? [Shutter Clicks] Jesus! What the fuck are you doing here? [Dutch] Hey, moron! What's that bitch doing here? It's Lara. - She's from Siberia. - I don't care where she's from. We agreed not to bring any girls here. I hope you realize I just stole her friend's identity... not to mention her liquid assets. I can't believe what a jerk you are! Now she knows who we are, what we do and where we live. You got us into trouble. - You clean up this mess. - Why? You robbed Kristy. I didn't. ¤ We're gonna take a break now ¤ ¤¤[Techno] ¤ We're gonna take a break now ¤ ¤¤[Ends] [Cell Phone Ringing] Hello? No, Mom. I can't talk now. This is a bad time. No, I've switched to day shifts. Bad timing again. Yes. I'll call you back later. Hugo? [English] Yeah, I go. Are you leaving? My boss just called, and I really have to go to work. Thanks for everything. Have a nice day. Wait, wait. I wanted to give you my number in case you ever come to New York. - Where's my bag? - Your what? - My bag. - Oh, you don't need your bag. You just whisper your address in my ear. - I have a perfect memory. - [Chuckles] Welcome to Amsterdam, Miss Siberia. Kristy left. Uh, she had a call from her daddy, and it was an emergency. She had to go to the United States. So I took your bag. Oh. Thank you. You're welcome. What happened to my other bag? Your other bag? Kristy took it. Sorry. [Dutch] Too bad, huh? [Dutch] I don't mind paying the rent, but you could do some shopping. - [English] What is this, chocolate? - No, it's caviar. - They call it hagelslag. - [No Audible Dialogue] [Dutch] If Kristy wasn't in town, I'd kick this bitch out right now. [English] I hope she dies in an airplane crash. I'm glad she's gone. Yeah. Sometimes a person who seems like a friend can be opposite. Never trust a person who calls himself a friend. - What are you talking about? - Kristy, the American girl. - I thought she was your friend. - No. She's your friend. - You slept with her. - [Chuckles] [Dutch] You hear that, Goof? - We could kick her out now. - Shut up. [English] Yeah, I met her in the train, and for one hour she was my best friend. But that was of course before she met her fuckboy. [Dutch] So what's it like to fuck someone from Siberia? I don't know. - Didn't you try? - Of course not. - So what did you do? - We talked. What a waste of time. That's what you think, Fuckboy. See? She understands Dutch. Hey, cunt. Do you understand Dutch? - [English] Why is he shouting at me? - Do you understand Dutch? No. But I understand "fuckboy." - Is that a Dutch word? - Yeah, "fuckboy" is Dutch word. [Dutch] And so is "get lost." [English] Fuckboy's angry? No, Fuckboy tired. ¤¤[Techno] [Yells] Hey, hey, hey. Hu - Oh, sorry. He's being very boring. - I know. - He can't dance. - [Dutch] She says you're boring. And a terrible dancer. - Yeah. - ¤¤[Continues] - [No Audible Dialogue] [Lara Laughing] Tell me more about Siberia. Why? I told you about Sassenheim. What do you want to know? I don't know. What's it like? - Everybody knows what it is like. - I don't know. - Come on. Tell me. - There are many wolves in Siberia. - And they have big teeth like this. - [Chuckling] - And many bears. - Bears? It's freezing cold, but when the sun shines... then you forget all about the bad things... and all you see is space. Would you like to go back? - I'm still there. - No, but really. Would you really like to go back? If possible, I would. But it's impossible. I can take you there if you want. How can you take me there? - Hugo. - Hmm? - [Dutch] Lara and I just had a good talk. - That's great. I've finally decided what to do with our money. Again? We'll go to Siberia. The three of us. You, Lara and me. Siberia? Okay, let's do it. That's nice of you. I didn't expect it of you. See? Even I have my strong points. Hey, Lara. [English] Are you serious? No, never. [Dutch] See? It's just bullshit. What do you mean? You've been had again. She doesn't want to go to Siberia. - [English] Isn't that right? - [Dutch] That's not fair. She doesn't even know what you're talking about. Even so, I think it's very revealing. It says a lot about her personality. She's very negative. Listen, Hugo. She really wants to go to Siberia. She just doesn't know it yet. - It's gotta be a surprise. - She doesn't know she wants to go? She knows she wants to go, but not that we'll buy her a ticket. I'm not buying her a ticket. Why would she want to go back? She must be here for a reason. She's really homesick. Yeah, all Russians are, even in Russia. We could split up the money if you don't want to go. Split it up? No way. What are you doing? You think I'm gonna stick around here and watch you ignore one rule after the other? If you want to go to Siberia... you'd better find yourself a job. - Then that's what I'll do. - Go ahead. [English] He doesn't treat me like an idiot. - Sure, he does. - No, he doesn't. Goof, Goof. Stand up for yourself, Goof. Don't rush things, Goof. We'll have enough time for each other in the future. [Door Slams] [No Audible Dialogue] [Dutch] I see married life has already begun. It's really unfair that you don't want to split the money. Listen. We agreed to spend the money together on something that we'd both like. Going to Siberia together is not something we'd both like. Why do you always treat me like a child? Because I hate to see a friend lose his head over some Siberian icebox. Hugo, I'm sick of cheating girls and stealing their money. What's your problem? You don't have to love 'em. Just screw 'em. Listen. I understand if you fall in love now and then. I've been through that myself. But the money belongs to both of us. That's worth something. You can't let a woman ruin that. - I want my money. - Now you should really shut up. Without me, there wouldn't be any. Yeah? You can't do it without me anymore. How was business tonight? You're home early. Where's your new passport page? Okay, you asked for it. What are you doing? - Duplicates. - What are you doing? Hey.! Are you crazy? Don't touch those! You've got nine different nationalities. I've got 11. The first to reach 15 gets all the money. - You'll win, of course. - That's why I suggested it. That's ridiculous! You can't ask me to do that now! Haven't you learned anything? Remember you used to think you couldn't seduce girls? If you really want something, you force yourself to do it. Will above feelings, remember? You're ahead by two. Hang on. You get Kristy. I don't want her. - Then take this one. - No. This one? Here. Now we both have ten. - So I just need five more? - Yeah. And then I take it all. Yeah. And you get nothing. Nothing. Great. - [English] Bye, Lara. I'll see you tonight. - Bye. - Excuse me, can we ask you a question? - Where are you from? - Thessaloniki. - So that means you're from Greece? - Yes. - So you're Greek. - Yes. Something wrong with it? - No, no, no. We just wanted to be sure. - Oh. - Just checking. - [Hugo] We love Greece. - We like Greek people. I always hear such fantastic stories about your country. Yeah, we even have an expression, "making love the Greek way." - Aw. - Could you tell me more about that? No, no, no. Don't listen to him. You know he has a disease? He's obsessed with sex. Yeah, but at least I'm honest about it, Marina. You know, Goof is one of those Don Juans who has a girlfriend waiting for him at home. Do you have a girlfriend, Goof? Isn't that a Greek word, "hypocrite"? Come on, Goof. Tell about Lara. Her name is Lara? Yes. But she's not my girlfriend anymore. Last night she phoned me from Paris. She said she found someone she loves even better. Some guy named Pierre. - Oh, I'm sorry. - Yeah. - You don't have to be sorry. He's just - - How can you be so insensitive? Sorry, Goof. Please tell me about her. Well, she's, uh, very... sensitive. She's Russian, you know, full of feeling. She's very beautiful... a bit like you. I mean, different of course, but her eyes are... are the same. It makes me sad to look in those eyes. It's just too many memories for me. You're a good person, Goof. You know how to feel life. [Camera Shutter Clicks] You forgot to smile. Give it to me. Are you sure it is yours? Kristy must like you a lot to give you her camera. Is it a love souvenir? Yes, it is. But not mine. Yours. No, no. Please. It's too early. Let's not rush things, hmm? I understand. It's the pain of missing her, right? Do you mind if I just... lie next to you with my arms around you? That's okay. ¤¤[Techno] ¤¤[Ends] [Yawning] Hiya. Can I help you? Do you accept French francs? [Speaks French] - Sorry? - I accept everything. - Good. - From you. I'm sorry. I've got to get some new forms. [Freddy Belches] [Dutch] Fuck.! Where did that bastard put those fucking forms? Hey, Lara. - [English] Wake up. - Goof. What are you doing here? - I was taking some fresh air. - [Chuckles] Okay. - Don't you want to come in? - I don't feel welcome. You're okay, but Hugo doesn't want me in the house. I can feel it. - Did he do something to you? - Nothing special. He just doesn't like me. Listen, Lara. It's my house. You're my guest... if Hugo likes it or not. You can stay as long as you want, do you understand me? Thank you for letting me back in the house. Good night. It's okay, Lara. We can wait. Hey, Hugo. Hugo. [Dutch] Did you do something to make Lara feel unwelcome? What? What do you mean? Lara is very sensitive. She says she doesn't feel welcome. - So what did I do? - Nothing. It's just a feeling she has. - Just a feeling? - Yeah. - She's a very- - Sensitive girl. Yeah. By the way, that girl Marina... she wasn't just Greek... but American as well. Two down, three to go. What did she prefer? The Greek or the American way? The French way. Lara. [English] Hey, don't you get it? You wanna play games with me, huh? You're not supposed to be here. Why are you here? I have present for you. Where did you get that? "Watch out. This guy is dangerous. Steal passports and money." Nice. Are you some kind of criminal? What do you do? - Tell me. - Why did you come back? What do you want, Lara? What do you want? I like Goof. I like you. You can't like me. I'm not a nice boy like Goof. I like nice boys. - But I also like fuckboys. - Yeah? What do you like about fuckboys? What do you think? [Footsteps Approaching] [Dutch] Have a nice shower? ¤¤[Techno] [No Audible Dialogue] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Continues] [Hugo Gasping, Panting] [Hugo Panting, Gasping] Strong stuff. You're strong stuff. - What is it? - Poppers. Why do you use this shit? - Poppers. - [Chuckles] Because I need an extra push. Can't you do it yourself then? No. I need help... to fuck an ugly girl like you. Why didn't you say it before? I could have used them too. Lara, don't tell Goof. Friends should tell each other everything. [Snoring] - Oh, God! - What are you doing? - Shh! - What is this idiot passport thing? Nothing. We only take their money. [Lara] Steal money, okay, but destroying passports. - Give me a break. - It's immoral. It's vandalism. - Why do you do that, Goof? - Please be quiet. Do you know how long it takes to get a new one? In Russia it takes months to get a new passport. - I do this for us. - Don't touch me. So I can take you to Siberia. - [Hugo Snoring] - What? - I do this for you. So we can leave. - [Snoring Continues] You destroy passports to take me to Siberia? Yeah. I wanted to surprise you. What about Hugo? Does he want to go? No, he doesn't. That's why we have this competition. I mean, the winner takes all the money. I only need two more. But if you want me to stop, I'll stop. Why? I know you do this for me. Nobody ever loved me that much. [Footsteps Approaching] - [Dutch] Morning, Hugo. Sleep well? - Yeah, fine. - [English] Good morning, Lara. - Good morning. Ow! - What? - My neck. Where? - Here? - Yeah, here. Oh, you're such a sweet boy, Goof. Thank you. [Dutch] Did you really sleep well last night? Why? The cupboard. Didn't the noise bother you? No. I slept like a log. - I was exhausted. - There was no new page. Stupid, huh? I had a great fuck, but I forgot to rip the page from her passport. Too bad. See you. - Yeah? - You should try a little harder. - If you lose, I'll feel sorry for you. - I'm not that pathetic. I'm getting fed up with our bet. - It's so childish. - What are you trying to say? If I win, I don't really need all that money. I'm happy enough with Lara, and in Siberia you don't need much money. - Part of it is yours. - Don't get sentimental. I'm not your mother. Suit yourself. I'll see you tonight. ¤¤[Techno] ¤¤[Continues] [Goof Yelling] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Ends] Stop that. Please. - What's wrong? - I can't stand this. Goof doing this is erotic. He does it to me all night. When I'm just trying to sleep. Frustrated idiot. He loves you, Lara. [Sighs] It's his problem if he's so stupid to love me. Don't talk like that. Why? I can't help he loves me. Maybe it's easy to love you. Don't talk like that. It makes you nervous? No, it makes me sick. Love is not good. It's only for losers like Goof. [Gasping] - No, Lara. No. - Hey. What's your problem? Forget about Goof. He's weak. Men should be strong. Let's take money now, go to Mexico. What about Siberia? Fuck Siberia. I'm not going there because of that sentimental idiot. [Camera Winds] [Camera Winds] [Shutter Clicks] [Shutter Clicks] [Dutch] Isn't she sweet when she's asleep? Too bad she's not worth it. If Lara really likes you, why does she prefer a platonic relationship? You don't get it. Sex actually means something to her. Bullshit. - She's just using you. - You'll never understand, Fuckboy. - Wait! - Yeah? She's a sponger. She doesn't want to go to Siberia. She just wants to drive us apart. Well, she's succeeding. One more to go. Time to score. See you tonight. LARISSA KULESHOV GERMAN CITIZEN Lara. Please tell me. What do I have to do to make you leave? Be nice to me, like Goof. - You want me to be nice to you? - Yeah, try it. Be nice to me. You mean nice... like this? No, like this. - [Hugo Chuckling] - Love souvenir. - [Shutter Clicking] - Here, give me. - [Shutter Clicking] - Yeah. Yeah, okay. You want me to be nice, huh? Nice like Goof? Huh? But Fuckboy can't be nice. Because nice is weak. You don't want me to be weak. You want me to be strong. - [Yells] - Get me strong. Stop it! Hugo! - Nice, huh? - Stop it. - Stop it. - Hold still. - [Speaking, Muffled] - Huh? Stop it! [Grunts, Groans] - Fuck you! I'll kill you! - [Shouts] [Sobbing] I have to go. - I'm causing too much trouble. - Oh, no, no. You're not. I bought you a present. Come on. Open it. Please don't cry. - I love you, Lara. - You cannot love me. You don't know me. [Goof Yelling, Coughing] [Snorting] [Gasps] [Gasping] Lara? Lara? Lara! [Screaming] Hey, Lara. Hey! [Cell Phone Ringing] - [Dutch] Listen, Mom. - Something's wrong with Lara! - She's dead! - What? - I fucked her to death. - What? - I fucked her to death. - Where are you? - Near Oudezijds. Help me. - I'm on my way. - Shall I call the hospital? - No, just stay there and wait for me. - Are you still there? - Yeah, I'm still here. - What happened? - She suddenly turned pale. Her face turned pale. She stopped moving. She just didn't move anymore. She was there. Lara? She's alive. - You idiot! - She's alive! I told you not to trust her! Congratulations, Lara. You win. She wants to see me again. She was just using you. Now she's off to Siberia on her own. Here. This will calm you down. Drink up. What's it like to fuck someone to death? Hey. I'm sorry. We're better off now that she's gone. Now you know what she's worth. You won. No. I needed one more. You got one more. A Russian girl. Too bad about the money, though. Hey, cool it. Get out! I thought we were friends. We were business partners... but our business went bankrupt. [Phone Ringing] Freddy's Peace Hotel. [Hugo Speaking Russian] Yes, one moment. Do you know any Russians in Amsterdam? - [Russian] - [English] Lara? It's me. Fuckboy, what do you want? Take a look outside. More to your left. So, why do you call? To apologize? - I want Goof s money back. - It's not his money. - It's the girls' money. - I want it, Lara. - Then give me my passport back. - I don't have your passport. - The page you ripped off. - I don't have it. - Give me the money back, Lara. - Then come and get it. My friend Freddy is waiting for you. Be happy I didn't tell where you live. - I don't live there anymore. - How come? - Because Goof kicked me out. - Goof is a good boy. - Fuck you, Lara. - Fuck you, Fuckboy. Russian mafia? No, worse. Dutch mafia. [Chuckling] Dutch mafia. [Dutch] Come on, Goof. Open the door. Come on, let me in. Goof. Goof. Open up. [Hugo's Voice] Isn't she sweet when she's asleep? Too bad she's not worth it. [Goof's Voice] One more to go. Time to score. See you tonight. [No Audible Dialogue] [No Audible Dialogue] SURPRISE YOUR SWEETHEART WITH A HEART [Shower Running] [English] Fuck you, Goof! [Dutch] Which one do you want framed? Please don't cry. I love you, Lara. [Hugo] Come on, Goof. Open the door.! Okay, go ahead. - What do you mean? - Tell me. - What's this bullshit? - So leave it. No! Wait. I - I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. About Siberia and all that. - That shit with Lara. - What shit with Lara? Well... Lara. I know her kind. - I know that if- - What do you know? Come on, let's go out and have fun like we used to. All right? What's the use of staying locked up all day? - Goof? - Cut it out. - You just want to fuck around. - Goddamn! That's enough! Don't you understand she's still here? She's not waiting for you in Siberia.! She's still here in Amsterdam at Freddy's Peace Hotel... hanging out with Freddy. She doesn't care about you! We're gonna get our money back. But this time I set the rules. Lara. It's me, Goof. No, no, no, Lara, please. Come on. Don't hang up. I'd like to see you again. Well, still wanna go to Siberia? [Hugo] Why don't wejust rob a bank instead? Don't tell me you're afraid of an old hippie. They're the most dangerous of all. Ah! [Groaning] [Woman In English] Come on. It'll be fine. Don't worry about it. Come on. [Chattering, Indistinct] [Yells] - [Dutch] Give me the poppers. - No fucking, remember? - I know you've got them. - I don't. Don't lie to me. - Lying isn't allowed? - No. Well, only if necessary... and only for a good cause. Even to your friends? [English] I'm sorry. I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back. Hey. Hey, Goof. Goof, Goof, Goof. [Dutch] What are you doing? They're not asleep yet. I have to take a leak, okay? - I'll go with you. - No. You keep the girls busy. Goof. - [English] What happened to your hair? - Nothing. It's a new and improved Goof. I'm glad to see you. I want you to take a look at this. What? Goof. Thank you for bringing me this. You're my favorite boy, Goof. You know that. Lara. What happened? For him, I was just easy prey. Don't you ever make mistakes? Hey, Hugo. Where's Goof? What's taking him so long? - Well, I don't know. Shall I take a look? - No. Okay. - I'll meet you down here in 10 minutes. - Where do you go? - I'm gonna say good-bye to Hugo. - Forget about him. Let's go now. [Chuckling] Oh, girls. Wait. I really have to go have a look. Don't start without me. - I didn't know Dutch guys were so boring. - [Laughing] - Goof. - [Cap Rattles] Yeah. - What's keeping you? - Let me shit in peace. Still? You've been in there for an hour. Almost done. Just wiping my butt. You go ahead. Those girls are great. Can't we postpone our stupid plan? [Dutch] Hey, blondie. Friends really shouldn't lie to each other. Come on. Give me the bottle. What happened between you and Lara? Nothing. I don't need that Russian slut. Why would I? Because you keep following your dick. "Love doesn't exist, only lust."Right? Stop preaching. So nothing happened between the two of you? Of course not. You're my friend, right? Think so? Yes. Come on, give me the bottle. - [Imitating Dutch] - [Chuckles] Hey. I don't know if I'd ever forgive you. I know. That's why I'd never do such a thing. And... if I actually had done it... I'd feel really bad about it. [Sniffs] [Gasping] [Woman In English] What's happening? [Women Shouting] - [Woman] What's going on? - [Goof] Don't panic. I'll get a doctor or something. ¤¤[Techno] [No Audible Dialogue] [Retching] ¤¤[Continues] See you later. - [Hugo Gasping] - [Woman] I'm here to help. - [Freddy] Hey, I know that guy. - [Hugo] Shit.! Stop him. - [Dutch] Is your buddy here too? - I don't have a buddy. Don't fuck with me, Remi. - Where's that bigmouthed twit? - Beats me. Peace, man. Come on. Hurry up. Freddy's coming. You disappoint me, Goof. Never trust a person who calls himself a friend. See you in Siberia. - Was someone else with him? - Yeah, he went to get help. Fuck! [Yells] [Dutch] Get back here, dickhead! ¤¤[Continues] [Yells] [Dutch] Some friend, that buddy of yours. - Let's you take the rap for it. - What do you mean? He ran off with my money, smart-ass. Good for you, Goof. ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Ends] [Wind Whistling] [Hugo Grunting] Damn, it's cold.! Hey, Hugo, isn't it great being in Siberia together? Yeah, great. Only next time we go to Mexico. Lara! - Hey! - Lara! - Lara! - Lara! - Lara! - [Dog Barking] - [Yelling] - [Barking] ¤¤[Techno] Hey. [Yelling] Lara. ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Continues] ¤¤[Ends] I was 11 when my dad took me on my first Tiger Cruise. He was a cook on the Arleigh Burke. Oh, man. I remember I spent the entire cruise in Sickbay, puking my guts out. Bad cooking? No, sir. Just rough seas. Iceberg off the port bow. In the Gulf of Mexico? Annie and I took Josh to see the Titanic last night before we sailed. What makes you think it's an iceberg, Mr. Pendry? Well, I guess it could be a sailboat, sir. We don't guess in the Navy. If you don't know what you've sighted, it's an unidentified ship, aircraft or object. Understood, sir. - He sounds like a sailor already. - It's in his blood, Bud. His old man was a hell of a Naval aviator. You know, it's really a shame Annie won't let Josh have anything to do with the Navy. I was amazed you got her permission to let him go on this Tiger Cruise. Well, I didn't exactly. I told Annie we were going sailing for the weekend. Lifeboat off the port bow. What makes you think it's a lifeboat, Mr. Pendry? Well, it's flashing SOS, sir. Josh, Tiger Cruise is not the place to play games. - False alarms are not funny. - I'm not playing games, Harm. Look. There is a lifeboat. And it's going under. Following in his father's footsteps as a Naval aviator, Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. Suffered a crash while landing his Tomcat on a storm-tossed carrier at sea. Diagnosed with night blindness, Harm transferred to the Navy's Judge Advocate General Corps, which investigates, defends and prosecutes the law of the sea. There, with fellow JAG lawyer Major Sarah MacKenzie, he now fights in and out of the courtroom with the same daring and tenacity that made him a top gun in the air. Those refugees owe you their lives, Mr. Pendry. Well, I didn't do anything, sir. You were alert and reported in a timely fashion. - You can be proud of Josh. - I am, skipper. I'll bet you can't wait to tell your mom, eh, Josh? The refugees are quarantined in Hangar 1, sir. They appear to be in good shape with one exception. A potential addition to our Tigers. Don't tell me that pregnant woman is about to deliver. She's in labour, skipper. Can we helo her to Gitmo? Having delivered myself, sir, I wouldn't wanna have a baby in a helo. - Permission to move her to Sickbay. - Granted. Thank you, sir. Commander Rabb, if that baby is born on an American warship, what does that do to our policy of returning all refugees to Cuba? Well, sir, offhand, I'd say it complicates it. The baby would be an American citizen so we would have to provide temporary refuge to the mother until State could make a decision. And I thought this would be an uneventful weekend cruise. Sir, with your permission, I'd like to inform JAG of the situation. Maybe they can get the ball rolling at State. Permission granted. Call Engineering and stand by to answer all bells. Keep your eye on him, okay? He has a bad habit of slipping away. Aye, aye, sir. Plot a course for Gitmo, Mr. Williams. Aye, sir. Do you understand Spanish, ma'am? Yes, I think that she's asking for her husband. We'd better get him. She's so agitated, it could complicate the delivery. Okay, okay. I'll be right back. - Is Rosalita all right? - Are you her husband? I'm her brother. She has no husband. She was raped by Castro soldiers in prison. - Come with me. You too, corporal. - Aye, ma'am. All Tigers, report to the port room for escort to the lifeboat drill. - All Tigers... - Okay, Josh, let's go. I'm learning a lot more up here, Mr. Roberts. And I know how to get into a lifeboat. Oh, yeah? Well, orders are orders, Mr. Pendry. Aye, sir. Gracias. Thank you. - Don't let him leave unescorted. - Aye, aye, ma'am. Watch yourself on the ladderwell, Tigers. - Aye, aye, sir. - Got you. Yes, sir. - Isn't this cool? - Flying an F-14 is cool. - You fly in an F-14? - Yeah, on the ground. Is he your father? Him? No way. My dad was a Naval aviator. My mom's the executive officer of the Stockdale. - You look just like her. - Thank you, sir. Is he your babysitter? No. No, see, I don't even know him. Do I, lieutenant? That's right. I'm just heading off to Communications. - No, no, no. - I have to examine her. - Sir, I have to examine her. - Sir, I need to try to calm her. She was raped by soldiers and she's afraid of anyone with a uniform on. Please, sir. Look, I'm gonna go check on your friends, okay? - I'll be back in five minutes. - Thank you, doctor. I'm a corpsman, not a doctor. Pregnant women, they're worse than Marines. Easy, doc. I'm armed. - Encrypt and send this ASAP. - Yes, sir. Bud? - What are you doing here? - Following orders, sir. You wanted me to keep an eye on Josh and I was doing that until he met this little girl. It's always a woman, huh? You see, I was like the only parent in the group and I felt I was embarrassing Josh so I ducked down. Well, as long as he's with the Tigers, I'm sure he's fine. Well, that's just it, sir. I think that he went port when they all went starboard. That kid could elude a Marine recon team. Help! Please help her! Please! Okay, Tigers, listen up. We'll be... - Do you see him? - No. - First step, put the vest on. - But there's the little girl he was with. Next step... - Hi. - Hi, lieutenant. He's flying. Josh? Cute name. That's who you're looking for, isn't it? It is. I told him there was a Seahawk in the other hangar and he went UA. Mr. Pendry, your flying days are over. You are grounded, mister. How did you know where I was? A good officer knows the deployment of his men at all times. Especially those likely to disobey orders. Stay where you are until I get there. Roger, Wilco. Roger, Wilco? - This isn't funny, Bud. - No, sir. Wait here in case he decides to eject. - Aye, sir. - Is that his dad? Josh's dad died in a plane crash. The commander's a friend of his mother. I'm glad he's not a friend of my mother. - Take up on this. - I'll take it with me, sir. Where's Corporal Cordova? You can die, or you can try and save that Marine's life. In an evacuation, do not panic. Keep yourself in order. Evacuate safely. - Everyone inside. Captain's orders. - Okay, let's go. We'll store our vests inside, then we'll move upstairs. Good job. He's out of uniform. - Who? - The corporal. He's not wearing his cover and he's under arms. You're right. I see the look in your eyes of a rabbit about to run. - I'm no rabbit. - Good. Because I wouldn't wanna have to kill a rabbit in front of all these children. - Inside. - Come on, let's go. Last time you did this, you almost got yourself killed. I'm sorry, Harm. Sir. Sorry doesn't cut it, Josh. You're a loose cannon. Loose cannons have no place in the Navy. Yes, sir. It's gonna be tough enough explaining to your mother that our weekend sail was on a frigate. Imagine how difficult it would be if something happened to you. Yes, sir. No excuse, sir. You're on report, mister. Aye, sir. The Marine over there is gonna die unless we get him to Sickbay. Erin Terry. Do you hear me? The Marine is going to die... He heard what you said. Which one of you is Erin? Step forward, Erin. Your mother is the executive officer, isn't she? Does she love you very much? Show him. Do you know what this is? Semtex. Enough to blow up this hangar and everyone in it. - Including you. - Of course. You will accompany Erin and I to the Bridge, lieutenant. Erin? Mr. Roberts, this Bridge is off limits to refugees. Sir, he's not a refugee. He's a terrorist. - Harm? - Easy, buddy. That was your small-arms locker, captain. That was your comm centre. Whatever it is, the captain will pass the word. There are 206 crewmen aboard this ship. Not one of which is armed. And if you should try to physically overwhelm us with sheer man, or woman power, the lieutenant will explain why that wouldn't be wise. Lieutenant? That refugee wasn't pregnant. She had a fake belly full of Semtex. She's down on the helo deck with all the children. No, you wouldn't dare. I was afraid that would be your attitude. So to demonstrate my resolve... No. Captain? This is the captain speaking. The refugees we rescued have destroyed our comm centre and small-arms locker. They've taken our children hostage and are threatening to kill them if we offer any resistance. Therefore, I hereby order you not to actively resist until we can resolve this situation. God bless. That is all. Not quite. - Mom, what's going on? - Are you okay? - We're gonna be fine. - Mom, please. Mommy loves you. It's gonna be just fine. This is Miguel Cortez speaking. For the next few hours, I will be in command of the Stockdale. My first order is to set condition four. All crew members not on watch will report to the aft-mast deck. That is all. My chair, captain. Erin. Over here, please. It's okay. Go ahead. Which way should we go? Should we go that way or this way? I think we should go this way. Steer 090. Turning 090. Aye. They've posted a guard in the passageway. - We can't go out the hatch. - We can fly out. You can fly a helicopter, can't you, Harm? Well, in a pinch. We'd have to open the hangar door, tow this out, unfold the rotor and start the engines. Think we could do all that without them knowing it? - No. - Besides, we can't leave your fellow Tigers behind, can we, bud? No, sir. So, what are we gonna do, Harm? Well, the first thing we have to do is notify someone outside this ship what's going on. But if they've blown up the comm centre, we can't do that. Under Siege. - What? - Steven Seagal in Under Siege. He got the Pentagon on a satellite radio from a life boat. Well, unfortunately, this isn't a movie, Josh. These lifeboats have satellite radios with an emergency beacon and a short-range voice transmitter. We could activate one. The Coast Guard would come, but before we could inform them of our situation, who knows what these terrorists are likely to do. It's so cool in the movie. Well, I'm sure it was. There are radios in this helo. I don't think their signal would penetrate these steel bulkheads. Unless... What is it? It's a high frequency antennae. An HF radio is the only one on this helo capable of transmitting over the horizon from sea level. You see, they trail this behind them in the air. It should be long enough to reach through the overhead outside. Unfortunately, there's nothing up there big enough for me to crawl through. I'll bet I could climb through one of those air vents. I'll bet you won't get a chance to try. Well, see, I could climb up that pipe and then monkey swing across to the vent. Yeah, and you could fall 30 feet and ruin your day. Well, it's not gonna happen. - My cell phone. - It would work out here? Yeah. There are drilling platforms all over the Gulf. They all have cell phone repeaters. If we're close enough to one, I could make a call. It's a long shot, but it's all we have. Well, what are you waiting for, Harm? Make the call. Cell phone's in my stateroom. - Where's the deck? - There isn't one. This is the dockside loading hatch. There's a rim. If I hug the bulkhead, I could make it. - You wait here. - I can... That's an order. Aye, aye, sir. It's not good for you. Your daughter is concerned for my health. What do you say to that, Lieutenant Commander Terry? Inhale. Miguel? It's Juan. - Go. - I've got the missile-code books. I'll need the missile-launch key. It will be delivered shortly. You're not gonna fire a missile from my ship. This is no longer your ship, captain. Let's see, I believe the XO carries a launch key at all times. - I won't let you do this. - I will shoot. I can't. He's dead. The key. That is why women do not belong on combat ships. They are too sensible. Come, my dear. We have a key to deliver. Maintain your current course and heading. I will check when I return. Don't look down, Josh. Don't look down. Who are you gonna blow up? Fidel Castro. Do you have a problem with that, little girl? But you're Cubans. Not just Cubans. Cuban liberators. Have you set the coordinates? Just about to do that. How accurate is a harpoon? Do you wanna hit Fidel's nose, or his feet? Both. - Fire two missiles. - Why not? Fidel is scheduled to arrive at the National Stadium in 90 minutes. As soon as I hear him speaking, I'll give you the signal to launch. Fifteen minutes later, Josh. Josh. Hang on, Josh. Hang on. Don't look down. I won't. Okay, buddy. Arm around. Come on. Come on. Okay. - Okay? - Are you mad at me? - No. Only if you keep choking me. - Sorry. Okay. Now, hang on because I'm gonna swing back. Wait, Harm. The vent's right above us. I can do it. All right, go. Go. Get up there. Secure the antennae and come right back down. All right. Be careful. Wow, this is cool. Hurry up. I got here as quickly as I could, admiral. Eleven minutes for a woman in a shower. - It must be some sort of record. - Not for a Marine, sir. Twenty-five minutes ago, Patrol Wing Five picked up an HF signal from Commander Rabb. Well, he's on a Tiger cruise with Josh Pendry. Why would...? The USS Stockdale has been seized by a terrorist. Rabb thinks they're Cuban, but he's not certain. - Castro captured a frigate? - I doubt if they're Castro's boys. They're probably Cubans out of Miami who wanna get rid of him. She carries four harpoon missiles. The captain would never let them be fired. He'd die first. They are holding the Tigers hostage and are threatening to kill them. Josh. What about Josh? Mrs. Pendry, please, please, come in. You respond to a call almost as fast as a Marine. - What about Josh, admiral? - May I be direct? This is what we know. The USS Stockdale has been taken over by terrorists. I'm sorry, what? As of 25 minutes ago, Josh and Harm had not been captured. What would terrorists want with a sailboat? Annie, the USS Stockdale is a guided-missile frigate. I don't understand. Did they get picked up? They were aboard. Harm took Josh on a sailing weekend in Biscayne Bay. At least that's what he told me. Roger. Mr. Pendry will monitor the radio. Rabb out. Josh, I have to get more information. Do you think you can handle this? Yes, sir. Don't talk to them unless they call you. Don't talk to them unless they call you. Yes, sir. Understood, sir. Good man. This could get tiring. You have nothing to fear, niños. If I flip this switch, all you will see is a bright light. No pain. Just a bright light. And then you'll sleep. - Who are you? - I'm an Engineering officer. I was going aft to check on the turbines. One of them is running hot. First of all, commander, the turbines are three decks down and that way. And second, you're a Naval aviator who according to his collar insignia, is now serving as a JAG lawyer. - You know the Navy. - We all do, intimately. From missile control to cockpit. So that's how you're planning to escape. In the Seahawk. - What's a lawyer doing on a cruise? - Shark fishing. Bueno, finally, somebody with a sense of humour on this ship. I doubt the officers and crew find your commandeering their ship very funny. - Are you all right, sweetheart? - Fine, sir. Sort of. One of my little hostages belongs to you. - I have no children. - Is that true, Erin? - I hope so. - Why? Because then he won't be afraid of you. Cute, but not too cute. It's a long swim. Let's go, commander. Blue Crown, this is Sky Tail 73. I'm 18 nautical miles north of... The P-3 is taking this from 18 miles north of the Stockdale. She's got the bone in her teeth. She must be making 20 knots. As you can see, her forward missile launcher is in the raised position. Where is she now? Eighty nautical miles off Havana and closing. Harpoon missiles are almost in range. We're operating under the assumption that the terrorists are anti-Castro extremists bent on killing him. Well, they have to have precise coordinates on his location. Well, in 50 minutes, Castro will be addressing the National Assembly in the soccer stadium in Havana. Not much time for a counter-op. A SEAL team will execute a HALO insertion at 0100 Zulu. Under a full moon with a frigate at 20 knots? That's a suicide mission, Mr. Secretary. No less than you've undertaken in the past, A.J. What else is in the works? A Tomcat section will be in position shortly to intercept any harpoons fired at Havana. Now, I've been assured the missiles will be destroyed before they even reach Cuban territorial waters. With all due respect, you are signing those children's death warrants. We don't see it that way. There's an aircraft bearing 280. Range 18 miles. Angels 20. He seems to be flying a holding pattern. - Any other suspicious contacts? - No. Just the usual commercial air and shipping. Probably a Coast Guard issue 130 looking for drug runners. Keep your eye on them. How long before we're within range? About 12 minutes. I contacted that P-3 from the helo. From inside the hangar? Josh ran an HF antennae up through venting overhead. That's, like, 30 feet in the air. Wait till Annie hears about that. She's not gonna hear about it unless you tell her. So the Navy knows about our situation? The aircraft they're talking about is the P-3. If you waved right now, their long-range cameras would probably see it. Getting several clusters of hot spots on the aft helicopter deck. No way to distinguish between the ship's crew and the terrorists. Would you like something with it? I think we have... Has Harm ever lied to you? He's misled me. That's the bad news. The good news is I can't think of anyone other than Harm that I'd rather have with Josh at the moment. Without Harm, Josh wouldn't be where he is at the moment. I know why he did it. He thinks that Josh's future in the Navy is predetermined and there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it. So in his mind, he's helping him to realise his dreams over the unwarranted fears of his mother. That makes him the good guy in Josh's eyes. Annie, the last thing on Harm's mind is to alienate you from your son. Harm hasn't taken responsibility for what's on his mind. Because no matter which way you look at it, Josh is with him, not me. And unless God's smiling on us, it could end that way. I know because of my past behaviour that I'm considered to be somewhat of an hysteric. That's not true. Hey, I can see the way you guys look at me. I'm not very military in my bearing. I'm someone who needs to be calmed. - Or I might cry and get sloppy. - Annie... Isn't that why you brought me the tea? Probably. If this were your son, how would you react? I would hold it in. But then that's why I'm an alcoholic. Commander, where have you been hiding since I seized the ship? - In my quarters. - Don't lie. Or it could have dire consequences. Threaten my daughter, I'll rip your heart... - Mommy, don't, please. - In the helo bay. Trying to radio for help from the Seahawk. But the radio doesn't transmit through a steel bulkhead. Somehow I feel that wouldn't stop a man like you. Do you have a cell phone? I tried that. Unfortunately, cell phones don't work this far out in the Gulf. Had I have known, I would have called the Terrorist Hotline. The terrorists have him. You're in Key West calling your boyfriend who's fishing. It's a wrong number. - Tony, are you there? - Who is this? It's Sherrie. Put Tony on. Where are you calling from, Sherrie? Key West. Where do you think? You guys coming in or you gonna fish all night? - Have the P-3 cut their relay now. - You have the wrong number. Yeah, right. What, Tony's too drunk to come to the phone, huh? Well, you tell him when he docks, I am not... - Contact's broken, sir. - Tony and Sherrie? Don't ask, admiral. I don't know anyone named Sherrie. It had to be an atmospheric anomaly. Cell phones, their range is only good for 25, 30 miles, max. Juan? Can a cell phone work out here? No, we're too far from shore, Miguel. - What's that plane doing? - Moving north. Miguel, I'm ready to launch. Patience. It won't be long. Rosalita? Rosalita? Rosalita. Is everything all right? I'm singing a lullaby to the children. I hope, for the children's sake, that you're telling the truth. Hey, if I'd gotten through on my cell phone, someone would be here already to stop whatever it is you're planning. He's gonna blow up Castro with a harpoon. A harpoon is not a very efficient weapon of assassination. - Liberators can't be choosy. - Oh, is that what you are? - A Cuban liberator? - No. I am the Cuban Liberator. The only one willing to go to the edge to free my people from 39 years of oppression. Castro's speaking to the National Assembly. You're gonna take out the whole stadium. You speak Spanish. I'm impressed. You're gonna kill hundreds to take out one man? Anyone in that stadium is a politician. What makes you so willing to kill indiscriminately? You couldn't have been more than a baby when Castro took power. Actually, I was 4 years old. My father was Batista's banker. In prison, Castro's guards questioned him about offshore accounts. He told them everything he knew. But that didn't satisfy them. So for his punishment, they made him choose between his son, or his hands. What they didn't count on were the hands of his son. This isn't about a liberation. - This is about revenge. - It's about justice. Juan. Stand by. Miguel, the launch key doesn't work. No, no, here. Sorry, commander, I can't. Not for Castro. Not for anyone. I gave you an old launch key my daughter had as a souvenir. This one is current. - It better be. - Miguel, what's wrong? - Nothing. - Miguel? Nothing is wrong, Rosalita. Miguel, talk to me. Everything is going according to plan. Relax. We'll be leaving soon. You have no control over her. And her finger is on the trigger. Just hope this key works. Josh, are you there? Harm, where have you been? Everybody's been trying to reach you. SEALs are coming and Tomcats are waiting to shoot down any missiles they fire. Listen up, Josh. You have to do what I say and then you've got to get out of there. Aye, aye, sir. Stand there. Try this one. Fire two missiles. Now, Juan. Titan, Romeo, we have a launch. Two bogies bearing 015. Roger. I have radio contact. - Tally ho. - I'll take port, you take starboard. Roger that. I've got a lock. Firing Fox One. No, don't. Switching to guns. Romeo, Titan. Splash two bogies. They're gone. I don't believe it. He shot them down. Load two more. They'll shoot those down too. You got through on the cell phone. No, I used the radio in the helo. I ran the antennae through the overhead so you should cut that before you take off. - Kill him, Miguel. - Now, think about that. They'll shoot anything you launch and a SEAL team will be here shortly. Yes. I'm the only chance you have to get out of here alive. I can't believe your government will let the children die to save Castro. You hate Castro for what he did to your father and yet you're doing the same thing to the parents on this ship. Disarm Rosalita and you can go. She'd never allow it. Tell her Castro's dead. And we take off and you shoot us down with the SAM? No one will fire on you. You have my word on that. I don't trust your word any more than you trust mine. Then somebody has to die. We got him? We really got him? Radio Havana is reporting tremendous explosions in the stadium. He could not have survived, Rosalita. We have done it. I hear the helicopter. Is the helicopter ready? Yes, they are just waiting for us. I am coming for you. You know better. Rosalita. No. Unless I hold the children, they will shoot you down. This was always to be my last mission. Rosalita, let the children go. No. I'll take them with me. Rosalita. Miguel, it's no use. I'm not... It's the only thing you could've done, commander. She would have killed them all. He just went off the radar screen. - Tomcats? - Josh. Harm told me to put water in the fuel tanks. Cool. Well, Josh, it looks like you got your first bogey. Even if it was technically one of ours. Let's notify the Coast Guard, we've got some terrorists to pick up. He looks fine. Just like last time. So do you. How do you do it? Court danger and stay healthy? And why didn't you teach it to Luke? I'm sorry, Annie. For Luke? For deceiving you about the weekend. Well, I can forgive you for that. But not for teaching my son to do the same. You turned him against me. And that is unacceptable. Annie, we were gonna tell you when we got back. So deception's okay as long as you admit it? It's not okay. But at the time, I thought maybe it was kind of like staying out past curfew. But also, I didn't want Josh to be afraid of the life. Just his mother? You have a lot of fear, Annie, and sometimes you transmit it to Josh. That may be true, but that has nothing to do with you. That is my problem, my challenge. Along with how to deal with never seeing you again. Goodbye, Harm. Annie. Please don't call. She accepted. - What? - Harriet. She's in Florida with her parents. I called her, I proposed. And she accepted. - Oh, that... Hey, congratulations, Bud. - Thank you, sir. You know, I guess just being so close to death made me do it. Sir? Will you be my best man? Well, I'd be honoured, Bud. Thank you. Thank you, sir. I gotta go tell the major. Okay. - Hi. - Oh, hi, sweetie. You won't believe what happened to me today. What? Wayne County Community College called the set and wants me to teach a class. How to Blow Yourself Up 101? You know, these barbs draw blood sometimes. It's actually a 12-week course in auto repair. You'd be great teaching auto shop. That's what the dean said. What do I know about teaching? - Isn't that what you do on Tool Time? - No. Tool Time is a veiled attempt at entertainment. Teaching is serious business. You're talking about kids' futures. If you don't prepare just right they're gonna heckle ya, throw spitwads at ya. - They don't do that stuff in college. - Want to bet? You're always saying that you want to give something back to the automotive community. I give them 30 percent of my annual income already. No, look. You'll finally get to share your knowledge of cars. I share that knowledge with you guys all the time. But now you'll be sharing it with someone who's interested. Hello, class. Oh, whoa. Wayne Community College is proud to present Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. Ha, ha! What's up? What's up? - Welcome. - Thank you, Heidi. - No, man, it's Billy. - But we'd trade him for Heidi. Thank you, flat top. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. For the next 12 weeks you will be my assistants. Yeah. All right! We're gonna talk about the most important part of a car. The back seat? They'll be covering that in Miss Hensley's class down the hall, Our Bodies, Ourselves. We're gonna focus on the engine, actually. - All right! - No, no, sit, sit, sit! You don't need tools today. All you need is paper and pencils. I'm gonna do a history lesson about the internal combustion engine. It's interesting because most people don't know it was developed in a little village in France. - That's cold. - Very good spit to wad ratio on that. Very nice, very nice. Is this not interesting? Is that the problem? - We came here to get our hands dirty. - Oh, really? Well, look. The school curriculum says the first lesson is just lecture, OK? Since when does "The Tool Man" follow instructions? Right. He didn't follow them when he fell in that port-a-potty. You know, this material is boring but it may come up on a test. You make the tests. I do? I can give D's rather than get them? I'm the king. And these are my subjects. I say, let's get greasy. Great! All right! We gotta get to the movies. I know. I just gotta set up the table for your dad. He's running late. I hope he didn't forget about the poker game. Dad forget about poker? It's like Mark forgetting to be a dork. Or Randy forgetting to wear the color "puke." Can we get through the rest of this evening without any more insults? Mom, I'll drive to the movies. Geek-boy and Vomit-Shirt can sit in back. Sorry I'm late. Thanks for putting the table together. - How did your first class go? - It was great. So much energy. I love school. And I think hell just froze over. The two hours went by like that. They picked my brain clean. What did you do for the other hour and 59 minutes? I thought about what I was gonna buy with your allowance. I want to hear all about the class when we get back from the movies, OK? You don't have to leave. I'm making my "mucho macho" chili. Stick around. Five men and a vat of chili. Hm. You might want to get a hotel room. Later. All right. Cut those. Everybody in. The game, gentlemen, is Five Card Draw. Jacks back, snake in the grass. So, Professor Tim, how was your first day in the world of academia? It was great. I have a really cool group of students. Hey, during roll call was anyone named Seymour Butts? Or Jacques Strap? Or Kay O'Pectate? Whers the last time you were on a campus, Harry? Oh, let's see. I got out of 'Nam in '71, so that would make it... never. You ever thought of going back to school, Al? I don't know. What would I do at school? Well, you could become a lab experiment. Let's go, guys. I've got rent to pay. You don't pay rent. You mooch off your aunt. It was a figure of speech. Right up there with, "My wallet's in the car." I need two and I'm in. - Anybody want chili? - Is it spicy? Take the chrome off a bumper with this stuff. I'll eat it. Extra onions. How could you digest that stuff? I said I'd eat it. I never said I'd digest it. Harry, you want some? Oh, no, thanks. I don't want to irritate my colon. Gee. Thanks for sharing. - Al, you want some of this? - Oh, no, that stuff is way too spicy. - Do you have any salt-free crackers? - Yeah, right here. Just have Benny lick the salt off for you. - Wilson, you want some? - Oh, no chili for me. I just got my cholesterol results. I wish my IQ was that high. Wait a second. It is. We sound like a bunch of geezers. There's a very good reason for that. We are. I'm reminded of the novelist Anthony Powell who said, "Getting old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you never committed." This is crazy. Come on, we've got our whole lives ahead of us. You think young you are young. We're young, right? We're young. That was pathetic. Come on, say it. We're young. - We're young! - We're vital. We're vital! We go out there and grab life by the yahoos! Yahoo! Yeah! Let's get this game going. I want to be in bed by 10:00. Ooh! That's it for the day, everybody. Good job. Clean up your stations. I'll see you next time. All right. Wait, wait, wait. Quick. Pop quiz: - What's the coolest car of all time? - '72 Eldorado convertible. - No. - The '67 Mustang Fastback. Interesting, but so wrong. '66 Karmann Ghia. Get some help, Grant. Get some help. '65 GTO with a 389 tri-power. - Color? - Montero red. Montero red! So close and yet so definitely wrong. Palmetto blue. Palmetto blue. - Wait a minute. Are we graded on this? - Just you, Heidi. Billy. It's Billy. Tim, we're headed to Carmine's for pizza. You want to come? Are you sure you want to be seen with your teacher? You're not like a teacher, Mr. Taylor. You're cool. So, you cats dig me, huh? Up until that last sentence, we did. You know, Grant, you're starting to remind me of me at your age. Thanks. It's not a good thing. - Come on, we'll ride together. - I don't know. Shotgun! Wait. So, the guy says to the bartender, "Who keeps saying all these nice things about me?" And the bartender says, "The peanuts. They're complimentary." This is good. Eight pieces of pizza, I'm still laughing. It wasrt that funny in the car with the windows rolled up, was it? I'm still hungry. You got anything to eat? - Fridge is there. Help yourself. - Is this your old lady? Yeah. Although when you meet her, I might use some other term. - She's a babe. - Yeah, she is a babe. If you think she's a honey, wait till you see the honey in the garage. Hey, can I eat this? Looks like tuna casserole. For your own safety, Grant, don't touch the casserole. Put it down slowly, back away and don't make eye contact. Whoa. It's a '55 Nomad. Fully restored. And fully restored again after you dropped that beam on it. - What do you got under the hood? - 395 horses. Listen. It sounds awesome. But I bet it wouldn't beat my Firebird off the line. - You don't think so? - Why don't we go find out? Oh, right. You want to go drag race at 12:00 at night? All right. Our first field trip! Oh! - Tim, what's going on? - Ahhh... Hey, guys, this is my babe. This is Grant, that's Brett, that's Billy. Hi. Can I talk to you for a second? - Sorry to bother you, Mrs. Taylor. - Oh, no, that's OK. I was just, uh, you know... sleeping. What are you doing rewing up the engine at this hour? That was stupid. That's why I'm taking it outside. Now? Yeah, I'm gonna go out and do a little comparative driving. - You're gonna go drag racing? - No! I'm not gonna take those kids drag racing. We'll just cruise. Wouldrt it be cool to take those kids off the line? Are you insane? You have to work tomorrow. You should get some sleep. I've got more energy than I've ever had, thanks to you. - Me? - If you hadrt encouraged me, I wouldn't be with these guys having fun. I'd be in bed with you. Gotta go. Who wants more breakfast chili? What's the difference between breakfast chili and dinner chili? Well, in this case, about a week. How can you have so much energy after spending the night with a bunch of guys screwing around with cars? Well, I think you answered your own question, didn't you? Why would your students want to hang out with you? 'Cause they're sucking up. You gotta be pretty desperate to suck up to an auto shop teacher. Guys! Come on, you're gonna be late for school. - Oh, we don't want that, now, do we? - No, we don't! Have a good day. Bye. Am I crazy or did I hear you come in at 2:00 in the morning? You're crazy. It was closer to quarter to three. Hey, do you have any plans next Tuesday night? No. Why, what's up? We could invite some of the students and girlfriends for dinner. - Tuesday night's your poker night. - I'll skip it. You've played poker every single Tuesday night for seven years. It's getting to be a drag. All those guys do is talk about bodily functions. - You love bodily functions. - But I'm a doer, not a talker. Does everybody know what time it is? - Tool Time! - That's right. Welcome to Tool Time on location, starring that man in the tub, rub-a-dub-dub, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. - Thank you, Heidi. - You're welcome. Welcome to Tool Time on location. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And speaking of tubs, here's Al Borland. Thank you, Tim. We're gonna be doing a little repair work on the Burnett family bathroom. To get the ball rolling we have our friend and master plumber, Felix Myman, who's going to show us how to get rid of a really nasty sink clog. And they say there's nothing good on TV. Felix, come on and join us. - Hello, Tim, Al. - How are you doing? Great to have you back. Felix has more of his work on TV than any other plumber I know. Years ago I had my own cable show. Pipe Styles of the Rich and Famous. Felix, from now on let me do the jokes, OK? - Well, why don't we plunge right in? - Al! All right, well... Now, the first thing you want to do is determine the nature of your clog. Well, my guess is, there's something foreign caught in the pipes. You think? Foreign? You mean like a Volkswagen? Maybe Julio Iglesias? Maybe Stonehenge is in there. I'm on the clock, Tim. Every one of your jokes is costing you money. Not to mention our viewers. To clear a foreign object through the pipe I use a snake. That's pretty old-fashioned stuff. Hip, young guys are using compressed air to clear their clogs. That's fine if you've got hip, young pipes, Tim. But these old pipes, compressed air can damage old plumbing. That's right. A snake may be slower, but it's trusty and reliable. "Trusty" and "reliable. Are there two duller words in the English language? Wait a minute. Yeah, there are. Al, you don't have a middle name, do ya? Well, this clog won't budge. I'm gonna need a snake with a retrieving auger. Wait a minute. Felix, come on. Go with compressed air. It's now. It's "go with the flow, baby." If there was any flow, we wouldn't be here. I'm gonna get my pipe snake. While Felix gets the retrieving auger, why don't we take the time now to... Not so fast, Al. While he's gone... Heidi, my master blaster, please. - Here you are, Tim. - Thank you, Heidi. Uh... we might want to remind our viewers that these are old pipes, and the master blaster blows compressed air at 1,400 psi. Well, it used to. Until I removed the regulator. Now it goes to 3,000 psi. Tim, that's an awful lot of pressure. "The Tool Man" works great under pressure. - What are you doing? - Clearing pipes with compressed air. Don't burst my bubble. That's not the only thing your bubble's gonna burst. Oh! I worked on a sub in the Navy and I know that sound. - What happens next? - I'm going AWOL. Me, too. I'm going down. - Thanks, honey, for making this dinner. - I wanted to. I've never seen you so excited about dinner. It'll be great. For dessert we'll go to the garage. I'll introduce us all to the hot rod. The dinner party of my dreams. - Hey, come on in. - Hey, Tim. This is Christy. - That's Andi. - Hi. Good to see you. This is my wife. Everybody, this is Jill. Hi. It is so nice to meet you, Mrs. Taylor. - Oh, please, call me Jill. - Oh, I love your house! It reminds me of my mom's. This place is so retro. I've been meaning to ask you, where did you find this great '80's furniture? In the '80's. - Do you guys want sodas? - No, I brought brewskis. - Yeah. - Not me. I'm driving. Whoa! Party. - Can I get you a glass? Paper towel? - No, thanks. How's that carpet doing? Well, um... We got hors d'oeuvres. You want to wait for Billy and his girl? - They may not be coming. - They didn't call or anything. They were thinking of going to a club, said they'd play it by ear. Jill planned the party for eight. - She took a lot of work to do that. - It's OK. - There's more for the rest of us. - Yeah! Great! - Yeah. - Then again, maybe not. This meal was delicious, Jill. Oh, thanks. Thanks. Oh, my God. The chickers all gone. I'm sorry. Did you want some? No, no! I'm just so surprised that anyone ate my chicken! It was nice of you guys to come by tonight. - Yeah. We know it's a school night. - Oh, not for me. We're playing hooky tomorrow because it's my birthday! Yeah, it's the big two-three. Grant and I are gonna go and pick out a ring. - Oh! Are you getting married? - No! Grant's buying me a nose ring! Nothing says "I love you" like a piece of steel right through the nostril. I wanted to get a nose ring, but Brett here thinks it's gross. - I'm with Brett. - He wants me to get a navel ring. Yeah, so it'll match mine. Isn't it cute? Oh! Cool. Matching "his" and "her" lint traps. - Oh. Can I use your phone? - Sure. Yeah, yeah. You know, Jill's in college now. Yeah. I went back for my Master's in psychology. It was really hard to go back at my age, but I've always been fascinated by the complexity of the human mind. - Keg party in Ypsilanti! - Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Billy said we should all drive up. I can fit six in my truck. I've got the camper. If we leave now we can get there for the first round of Thumper. - Whoo! - Hey, hello. Hello. What about dessert? Jill baked a real nice cake. We can look at the hot rod. What do you think? - We can do that some other time. - Come on, Jill. Let's party. No, guys, I'm sorry. But there's no way on Tuesday night at 10:00 that I could drive to Ypsilanti. I've got classes and I've got to get three kids to school. You? We can pull an all-nighter and get you back in the morning. Hmm. Let me think about it. No! I've got a real busy day tomorrow. I've got to go to Small Claims Court about a little bathroom issue. If you don't want to go to Ypsilanti we don't have to go. No, you guys go and have a good time. I'll see you in class on Thursday. - Bye. - Bye. - Thanks. - Bye. - Mind if we take a piece of cake? - Please help yourself. - Bye, thanks. - Nice to meet you. - Thanks a lot, OK? - Bye, Jill. Yeah, OK. Bye! - Drive carefully. - Bye. - Well, they seem very nice. - Yeah. Yeah, didn't they? If you like immature, irresponsible, rude people they're nice. Honey, they're kids. They were just acting like kids do. We never acted like that in college. Tim, do you remember anything about college? I remember there were a lot of stairs. I'm sorry this evening didn't work out the way you expected. I don't know what I expected. I'm not 21 years old anymore. I bet it was fun to pretend you were for a couple weeks. Did you ever envision yourself in the future, married in the suburbs with three kids? No. I figured I'd spend the rest of my life driving my van, listening to In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida on an 8-track. I guess it's not so bad to be 40 instead of 20. It feels good to be settled, have some roots, even though they're getting gray. To have a job, some money in the bank. That's good. We don't have to worry about getting lucky on New Year's Eve. We just have to worry about staying awake on New Year's Eve. So, how was it, being married to a college kid for a couple of weeks? Well, the sex was a lot better. No small thanks to the moves I learned from Mrs. Hensley. - Mrs. Hensley? - She had a class in the university. Our Bodies, Ourselves. She's 75 and she can do some wacky things with the overhead projector. I know that sound. I worked in the Navy on a sub. What happens next? AWOL. We're going down. Why tell my story? Savannah... now that he's left us, what shall I say about him? He came to Phnom Penh... in August 1992. He'd returned from the Anlong Veang front. Four years in the jungle... fighting the Khmer Rouge. He'd been travelling on the death wagons, with those who had nothing to lose. Mostly peasants, who hadn't enough... rice to last until the next harvest and were... off to seek work in the city. On those wagons, no one needed a ticket. You just had to have faith in your destiny. If the tracks were mined, the wagons blew up. Savannah, Maly et Phâl... had just been demobilized. They each had less than 45,000 riels. Maly abd Phâl were peasants, one from Kampong Cham, the other from Takeo. Phâl, wounded, could never again work in the rice paddies. Savannah had lost his father, his mother, his brother and sisters, all murdered by the Pol Pot regime. All he has left in the world is his uncle, whom he hopes to find in Phnom Penh. Maly won't be going back to his village, he's been fighting the war too long. His wife sold their land in order... to feed the children, and finally nothing remained. And because she had no news from him, she remarried. Ever since, Maly's heart... has been harder than stone. Savannah, from his childhood on, knew nothing but war, the camps, famines, massacres. When he was old enough, they sent him to the front. Phâl! Wake up! I was walking along a street, with both my legs, and what do I see? A bunch of dollar notes. I pick it up and run. Night comes, I don't want to spend any of it, so I can use it to go back to my village. I sleep on the sidewalk, afraid I'll be robbed, I grip the bills so close to me... that my arms hurt. ! I was making plans... and you wake me up! Look! Just thin air! Only the marks from my nails! Prince Sihanouk has returned. The first free elections... were organized. The curfew was lifted. We could go out again at night. For the first time... we talked about peace, reconstruction, and freedom. Savannah, you're from here, take me to Traloak Bèk. - To do what? - To find my cousin. I've got to give her the message... about her husband. It's been weighing on me a long time. Maly, you coming? I don't want to play the bird of ill omen. To each his own mourning. Look, he's starting again. He'll be at it all night. I'll go with you to Traloak Bèk. That's not enough to play. Two or three hands, you'll be out. Do you know Phany? She's my cousin. That house over there. Go on. Where's my husband? - Your husband is dead. - Dead! After 3 years, all that's left is that word? - How much is a ticket? - 2,000 riels. I only have 1,600. Will that do? No, it's 2,000. I'm back from the front. It's all I've got. Two packets of lotus seeds. You're lucky to be back. My brother went. He was your age. - Here, for your ticket. - Please, no! Take it as a gift to a soldier. Poeuv! Come, we're going home. How did you buy this paradise? It's like being in Europe! Sav! Veun! Sit down! Where did you find her? She's beautiful! In Cambodia, money is power! Come down. Don't be afraid! Jump! I only have to change my hiding place. You want my cap? What for? Can you keep a secret? You sure? You live in the "White Building"? Grandmother! Mama, you know him? My grandson? How are you? I'm used to pain now. I was worried about you. My dear boy, you're home! I have only these two hands... to thank Buddha... for keeping you alive. All these years... I've had a heavy heart thinking of you. That's over now. Put that down. Go get your father. Hurry. Your uncle just left for art school. I saw him in the café. No matter, just get him! Uncle! I knew it was you. I was playing chess and saw you go by. I said, "That's my nephew." No one believed me! Pheary, find Thon and Sovan! Go buy chicken and wine! I don't have any money. dernier, I married your aunt last year. Her husband died on the front. Cold rice is still rice, a widow is still a woman. She has two children... and three sisters who hang around... doing nothing. If your aunt could only see! Leave Sarath in peace! You and your father, the only picture I've got left. Savannah, stop serving! Bring some ice! The girls forgot to serve any! Are you blind? Is this how you work? Maly! What luck to see you again! What're you doing here? I came with Rotha. He's a musician at the dance bar. The bride's his cousin. And you, you're related? No, my uncle lives in "the building". His wife embroidered the couple's clothing. I'm lending a hand, to make a little money. The Tonlé Sap, you know where it is? Come for a drink. I'll get you in. I've gotta go. See you. Honey! How are you? Don't be so mistrustful, honey! - Lots of people? - Yes. Srey Poeuv dances, but she won't sleep with just anybody. Only with the rich. Go have a drink. What's your real name? Srey Poeuv, "the little last-born". Where're you from? You're not from Phnom Penh. Does that concern you? Tell me. What's it got to do with you? From Prey Veng. "Land of Sparrows"! What wind brought you here? - Let's dance. - I already have a client. - Just one song. - No. - Dance with me. - Let me go. Where're you taking her? Fuck off! Let's dance. My poor boy, your face is all puffed up. Use this salve. If you had that B-40, the war would've ended... before the UN came! Sit down. Too many mouths to feed. I can't stay here with you. You can sleep in this room. I keep the key, just in case... I get into a fight with the women... or in case... I drink a glass too many. As soon as I close my eyes, I'm back in the jungle, my body aching with fear. Every night... I relive the explosions, Phâl's leg torn apart by a mine. Uncle, how can we live... in a city like this? So many people with nothing to eat, and the few who are so rich! Is this what peace is? These years of war... and suffering have driven us mad. The world forgot us... for much too long. And now, we're willing to accept anything... on just a promise. Freedom's like a race... through a minefield. It demands sacrifices, and we look at it... through the eyes of a battered child. When I think about those who died, I'm ashamed that I'm still alive. You're young. Even if there are those... who run after money, you must think about the future. Poeuv, come with me. I'm begging you, don't go away. Take that, but stay with me. No one here respects the law, only money and power. You can't become someone, you've got to be born someone. You can't leave so many people... plunged for so long in despair. Even if hope... is the last thing we have left. For weeks I waited, without any news from him. As if this city of sorrow had... swallowed him up. Later... I learned he kept thinking of me, just as I was thinking of him. Give it everything, it's win or die! I can't find any work. As soon as they see me, they're scared. But I still feel like... I've got my two legs. Aren't you getting a pension? You kidding? It's always gonna be tomorrow! Anyway, what's 25,000 riels? Enough to last five days. Everything's modern now! Life, food, cars, love... it's all modern! All except us! We're just two old wrecks! It's lucky I've got my cousin. And you? You still living at your uncle's? Broke as we are, there's no big chance of finding a wife. Forget it, let's drink! To the free market, which brings us peace and freedom! Twenty years of war. You lost your brother and sisters, your parents: five people. Me, almost my whole family, and a leg. And now they tell us to forget, think about the future, forgive the killers. Forgive, okay, but you can't forget. You can't make all those... corpses disappear. You, at least you can fight. Think of me Saturday when you're boxing! And my rent? I've got kids! My husband's in the hospital! Everybody's got problems! You rent this shithole for more than it's worth, you can wait a little! I make cheap jewelry... and live near the sky, but I'm not rolling in money. Even if I double the rent, I can go out and... find 10 tenants every a day. No one wants to live here! Four cans for 350 families! You think so? With all those refugees coming back? Who're you looking for? Srey Poeuv. Now there's a good tenant... who pays on time! She's up there. Welcome. Remember your rubbers with the girls! I'll use two, don't worry! Well, Savannah? Things going okay for you, eh? For you too, Maly. We just want to have a good time. It was some time ago, everyone's forgotten that fight. There must have been... a dozen since then, right? No gun? I can't leave it with you! Don't make any trouble! I've got a deal for you. See me on your way out. I just want to be with you. To look at you. Nothing else. Forgive me. Where are you going? Take out your gun. I don't have it anymore. The war's over! Just to shake him up. We can pistol-whip him, he'll remember. Who? A deadbeat. Next time I'll take... everything if he doesn't pay. The Chinese gives us a third... of all we collect. At least they've got a TV. You afraid? Don't want to get your hands dirty? Go to hell! Get this into your head: I take my rice wherever I find it. - Where's your husband? - I don't know. Don't hurt me! Tell him to pay up! Tell him to bring me the money tomorrow! If not, I'll kill you! Fucking luck! Everyone has to pay his debts! He wasn't there. His wife'll let him know. Come on, let's go. Listen, Savannah. It's a job, that's all. It's not worse than the war. When life's too hard, even death doesn't matter. Nothing scares me anymore. - How much a basket? - 15,000 riels. That much? Give me two plates of shrimp. No other fruit? Why'd you buy all that? We'll never finish it. If there's a whole chicken left, we'll see. When I was a child they fought here. There were bodies in the river, the water was blood-red. People had gone mad. You don't have any memories? It's best to live from day to day. With no past and no future. Just be carried by the current. If the water flows southward, I go south. If it flows westward, I go west. I'd like to see the ocean. Do the stars shine brighter... where other people live? I don't know. To each his own destiny. There are so many breaks in your lifeline. Pain ends here. Why are you crying? I'm so happy. No one's ever loved me like you. It's the first time... that I really feel loved. I prefer your face without makeup. Don't tie your hair back. You're so beautiful. With bar girls, beauty... fades faster than with other women. At thirty we look like we're fifty. When my beauty's gone, I'll kill myself. I want you to be my wife. You hear me? I want to marry you. Take me back to town. Why won't you listen to me? It's impossible. I've already been sold. I can't buy myself back. I don't care. I love you, that's all. You're wasting your time with me. I don't want to get hooked up. Bar girls are made to live alone. When you sell your body, you're already dead. Come with me. Let me go. Let go. People are looking. Clients are asking for you. Mind your own business. Let go of her. Get off my case! I can't let you... go back in there. If you do, it's over between us. Go away! I don't want to see you anymore! You see, sugar, I fought ten years in the war. When I came back, I had nothing. Even a bar girl doesn't want me. But I'm in love with you. Poeuv! Come on, sing along. I'm singing this one for you. Come, let's go home. My husband's dead! Help me! Who can I count on? I suffer and I'm alone! Open your eyes, look at your wife! Open your eyes, look at me! What are you doing? I'm going to our village to see my mother. Want to come? This is my little brother. Map! Don't you recognize me? Dear little kid. How you've grown in two years! - Where's Mother? - In the house. Mama, Poeuv's back! My little sister, I missed you so much! A mother thinks of her child... as an oar strokes the water. A mother is forgotten... as soon as her back is turned. Eat all you want. You too, don't be embarrassed. We used up all our rice... last week, and it's two months... until the next harvest. I borrowed this rice from my neighbor. It's because of last year's drought. Srey Poeuv, you've changed a lot. I hardly recognize you. You resemble the people in Phnom Penh. You haven't sent... much news. And we had the head... of the village write you our letters. Each one 500 riels. Didn't you get them? It doesn't matter. As long as you sent money, we knew you were all right. They play as soon as the sun rises. They run around. They roll around in the dust. In the evening, they're so dirty... you don't recognize them. We don't know whose they are. They themselves don't know, that's for sure. Then one morning they're taken away to war. The father went in place... of his son and died. Then they come back for the son. The wounds... the wars... the tears... You won't be a soldier... like your father, promise me! You'll never be a soldier! You want to drink? Are you hungry? You don't drink, you don't eat! You already cost me 300 dollars. If you wind up just skin and bones, you'll be useless! We've all been evicted! No one can stay here! I saved some of your things. 350 families out on the street! Everyone took what they could. Go see what's left! Why are you throwing us out? Answer! Where will they live? Where'll I live now? Oh, chapouk! How pretty they are! I got them cheap. I'll make... some money on them. You want to sell them? They sing so beautifully! Watch out for stray cats. You promised you wouldn't... make any demands. I love you. I shouldn't love you so much. Life isn't fair. Don't say that, or it'll flow through your fingers... like water. Get your fists up! Use your right! Watch his left foot, block it, and hit with your right! It's no kind ofjob, getting beat up like that. Look at yourself. I was too tired. I was unloading ships this morning... and there aren't many matches. We don't have any... money for next week Even if it pays, is it worth a battered face? I'll quit boxing... as soon as you earn your living honestly. I never hurt anyone. I never went to war. But I've got to manage somehow. No one ever helped me. No one! Anyway, I can't stop. What else can I do? For my cigarettes. You smoke and smoke... on an empty stomach. You'll end up with TB. I don't need anything. What's 5,000 riels worth? Not even enough for the movies. We still owe 30,000 riels... to Amouy for the rice. I sold my earrings. I'll buy you nicer ones. I can'tjust stay here... waiting for you. We're living in filth, and no one wants to see it. But so what? Get out! Don't hurt me! Damn bitch, Madam Touch is angry! If you want your freedom, pay up! I already started to. And the clothes, the food, you think it's all free? You still owe 1,400 dollars! Pay back, or else... I don't know... how I got home. It's like a block... of silence and obscurity... in my memory. I told Savannah... I was returning to the bar... to start working there again. And that he couldn't help me. He saw that it was impossible... for him to solve my problems. That drove him crazy. For people like us, happiness doesn't last. Savannah and I loved each other, but our love... was like a shooting star... that zooms through the sky... aiming at nowhere... and returns to the void. All we had left was the illusion of life, the illusion of freedom, like a fire behind the eyelids... after being dazzled. It was a time of upheaval. Fear and poverty... had corrupted all of us, even our love and friendship. What's wrong? Why are you sad? Sit down. Do you have some illness? Answer. If I say no, you won't use a condom. Don't move! Don't touch her or I'll shoot! Don't move! The lady dictated this to me. I'm afraid I might be... gone for a long time. I'm taking the bus for Phnom Penh. I beg of you, stay here a while. If you hear nothing from me... within three days, you can go home. I love you. Srey Poeuv. Fucking cards! How could I know? I haven't left here for two days! These aren't even his pants. The rest... I'll get over it. You'll see. I can hardly wait. Soon he won't even have his necklace. Don't worry, wait until those guys destroy her. Nobody'll want her then, and you can pick up the pieces. You'll have her eating out of your hand. You talk like a politician. You'd kill your own brother... to be a customs officer! For 10,000 riels, she's yours, when you like, wherever you like. Why are you so attached to her? Besides, her pimp will hassle you. Why suffer? Enjoy yourself and forget her. You can kill yourself working, you don't even earn 2 dollars a day. And you want a girl the whole year! 2 dollars a day and he wants his own girl! Ask her: How much per day. 100 dollars! Here! Who else? No one! I've won again! The money, sweetheart! I went to the sea. It's immense, without islands, without banks, the waves are enormous. I want to go back there with you. In winter the air will be mild. But if the war starts again, we won't be able to go there. The fishermen say the sea's inside. If you listen with your eyes closed, you'll be carried by the tide. Listen. Maly was right, you're just a whore! You'll never change! You want to live with her? You don't even know... if it's your child. Don't moralize. Neither Poeuv nor my child... are going to go back living on that dump. I know you're rotten, so can't you come up with something? That one. Cobra blood. Look. Me too, I wanna leave. Disappear, go to Australia. I lost everything gambling, I'm drowning in debt, and the Chinese is on my back. If you're interested, I've got something. An isolated jeweler's. It has to be worked out, but it looks good. I'm in, but afterward... we go our own ways. Life's too short. We won't bump into each other again. To your son. We've still got this glimmer of hope, so let's profit from the light it gives us. It went offjust fine. This white guy gets in his car. We follow him... hold the gun to his temple. The watchman is helpless. I got behind the wheel. He was white as a sheet, as if drained of all blood. We walked out nice and calm. They started screaming, but we were gone. If it goes like that tomorrow... A heart to love you forever. For you a TV, a video machine, and gold earrings! Meat for every meal! More children, a real house! - A children's room! - A real bed! - Don't scream! - Drop the bike! Back up! Hands up! Over there! Don't hurt them. Take everything! Thief! Don't take my gold! Go on out, you first! Stop! Savannah, don't die! Don't leave me. Stay with me. Don't be afraid... of anything... of anyone... I was only 19, and he was 28. Nothing belonged to us, not even our love. And without love, we're just the dust of life. Here they eat, they drink, they meet people. I'm a waitress. Maly comes by sometimes with girls. He bought himself the rank of superintendent. Bophana, his daughter. We were born with the war. It destroyed everything in its wake. We carried hope inside us... like a mother carries her child. We fed it with our dreams... and our blood. Now there's no fear left in me. There's just luck, good or bad. But I have nowhere to go. Can you maybe tell me... where to live in peace? I close my eyes and dream of a world without conspirators. Report for morning drills! Ow. Ah! Good morning, students. Where's Cheiron? It's gonna be a long morning. I said, good morning, students. Good morning, Fiducius. Until further notice I will be acting headmaster here at the academy. What happened to Cheiron? He got called home to his kindrah. A courier came at dawn. They just left. That's kind of weird, don't you think? Mmm. What's a kindrah? It's Centaur for "clan." Don't you pay attention in language class? Mmm, not really. And while I'm in charge, I'll be making a few changes around here, particularly in the area of discipline. - Particularly in the area... - Particularly in the area... Furthermore, I will be asking Cadet Jason to supervise your drill instruction. - Aw, good cadet. - Teacher's pet, huh? All right, uh, let's, uh, let's start exercising. Stretch it out. You know, I think we should follow Cheiron. I mean, what if he needs us? Yeah, I think Cheiron can take care of himself, okay? That's true, but he would never leave the academy unless it was a major crisis. I think it's our duty to go. Oh, really? Also, it's Friday. It's the end of the school week. We won't miss a thing. - Okay, bottom line. - Yeah. Do you really wanna spend every minute with "Fiddleface" and the royal pain? I heard that. - Oh! - Oh! Let's exercise, huh? - This is us leaving. - This is us leaving. - Hey. - Hey. Woo! There he goes. We'll never catch Cheiron. Sure, we will. Herc, get real. He's too fast. He's got twice as many feet. Well, I got two and you got two. When you add us together we're just like a Centaur, all right, huh? Yeah, well, I know which end you are. Oh, really? Huh? What next, huh? - Whoa! - Whoa! Uh-oh. Ahhhh! Whoa, nice catch. Thanks. You know, this is getting to be a bit of a habit. Quiet, insolent fool! Hey, watch the lips! Wait a second, I know that voice. Lilith? You have a good ear. Yeah, and I have a sore mouth. I see you're still an Amazon. I'm now captain of this scouting party. Oh, get out of town. Last time I saw you, you were just a junior cadet. Yeah? Well, things have changed! Lilith, he meant no offense! - Right, lolaus? - Right, right, no offense. Listen, Lilith? Remember, back at the academy, they teach that leaders don't need to be cruel to be in charge? The best ones can also be merciful. You can't have forgotten that. - Yeah? - Yeah. Well, we'll take you to Princess Cyane. She'll decide how to deal with you! Come on! In an age of light and darkness, Zeus, kings of the gods, ruled the universe. He had a son, Young Hercules. Half-god, half-man. Young Hercules longs to find his place in the world, the father he's never known, and what it means to be a hero. Before the man became legend, before the legend became myth, came the greatest adventure of all. The prisoners, my queen. Thank you, Lilith. Well, what a pleasure to see you both. Especially you, Hercules. Uh, same here. It, uh, pleases me to have the son of Almighty Zeus here to witness the founding of our new homeland. Where's Simula? Yes, Cyane? Perhaps you remember meeting Simula. She's our oracle, and it was she who divined the will of the gods and led us here. Oh, well, pleasure to see you again. Maybe for you. Uh, you know, we better be on our way. Uh, but we're having a great banquet tonight to celebrate our good fortune. You must stay. Um, well, you see, we might have a friend who's in danger. Um, uh, Herc. Herc. Yeah? We're talkin' about Amazons, here. - Okay. - Amazons. You know, and besides what's the rush? I mean, it's almost sundown. We'll never find Cheiron in the dark. I think we should stick around. Please? Please. Okay. All righty. Here's your new assignments. Zeus, kitchen duty. Pft! Apron's over there. Um, Hera. Uh, the garden, and just try and cheer up a little, huh? Just try it. Now as for you, Uncle Ares. Whoa. Discord. Don't do that. You know, Strife? You're lucky it was me and not your Uncle Ares. My brother hates it when lesser gods use his throne. Kind of a clean freak thing. Got the message? Got it. Um, speaking of messages. Did your Amazon friends get theirs? They're feeling right at home. My plan is working perfectly. Your plan. Nuh, nuh, nuh, nuh. See, you think you're so smart because you're a millennium older. Well, this was my plan. Mine, mine, mine! All right, fine! - Mine! - Fine! It's your plan. Happy? The important thing is, we are about to stir up some serious misery. Ohhh, yes. The pain. The suffering. Uncle Ares is gonna be so pleased with us! Let's rock. So, you're an Amazon. What's up with that? Oh. Settle down, Hercules. I don't bite. Yeah, well, I just wanted to make sure you feel comfortable, you know. Oh, you don't seem to be. Okay. Uh, the thing is, I'm not sure how to act around you, you know? I mean, the last time, I kinda, you know... Was the last time. Well, let's just put it behind us. You see, from where I sit, the future looks good. We've finally found a place we can call our own. We can hunt and build our homes. Finally be at peace. I'm really happy for you, Cyane. Yeah. There's just, there's just this one thing missing. Oh, yeah? Um, those dancers must practice... Hercules. Yeah? You could stay a while, you know? With us, with me. I thought you Amazons only gave orders. Well, you're no ordinary man. Help! Help! Help! Help us! Get a poultice for her wounds. Quickly! Oh, thank the Fates I was nearby. I managed to save Melina but for the other two I was too late! What do you mean? ! Where are the other sentries? ! Gone! The beasts attacked under the cover of darkness and dragged them away! It was vicious! Cowardly! Who did this? Centaurs! There! You see? There! Are you sure that it was Centaurs? Of course, I'm sure. It's true, they burst from the darkness. You see? From the beginning of time, they have persecuted us, stolen our food, chased us off our land! They're no match for us in battle, so instead, they strike at night like jackals! They will pay for this outrage! Hold on, hold on! All right, everybody, calm down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just hold your horses. Bad choice of words, I know. - I'm sorry. - Yeah. Listen, this does not make sense, all right? Centaurs don't do sneak attacks! It's not their style! And how are you such an expert? Because his teacher, Cheiron, is a Centaur! Hey, uh, don't help, okay, Lilith? So, that makes you Centaur spies! Seize them and execute them! - What? - What are you talking about? You will do no such thing! I do not remember putting you in charge, Simula. Your Highness, our very existence is at stake! We dare not show any mercy! And I will make that decision! Now, let them go! And we are not your enemy here! Neither is Cheiron! Now, you all came to our academy, and you met him. He treated you with respect. He also helped free you from Lyceus. Look, we remember. Where's Cheiron now? He was called home by his kindrah. We were chasing him and we bumped into Lilith and her happy hunting party. Pity they didn't finish you off then. Cyane. Now, we are not spies. You do believe me? Look, I want to, but an attack on one of my sisters is an attack on all of us. You must go. You must go find Cheiron, and tell him that his Centaurs must release the captive Amazons. You don't even know... Tell him that the attacks must cease, and restitution paid, or there will be war! Well. Look who's back to giving orders. Lilith will join you on your mission to the Centaur enclave. Whoa, what do you mean, Lilith? What about me? We'll keep him here with us, just to ensure you and Lilith return safely. Okay, you know what? No. Iolaus, let's go. What? Cyane? Go. Come on, cadet. Try to keep up. Oh, great. Fine. Well, I guess me and the gals can find something to do. Oh! Or maybe I'll just shut my big mouth. Good idea. Lilith, give it a rest, would ya? No! Why should I? Oh, man, you guys are all the same. Always defending your corrupt, male-dominated culture. You know, I gotta say, you were a lot easier to get along with back at the academy. Yeah, well, back at the academy I was all alone. You and the boys could treat me any way you wanted. No, you're right. Some of the cadets were jerks, okay? Half of 'em treated you like you were a porcelain doll, the other half ignored you. Oh, then you admit it! Yeah, but get over it, okay? You give up on half the world, and you'll prove 'em right. The girl can't take it. Look, I wanted to be a warrior. The Amazons made that real for me in a way you and your academy never could! Lilith. Lil, wait up. Lilith, listen. I didn't know, really... Lilith! Don't let go! What is this place? It's called a Qu'ho. It's the Centaur council. Are they gonna put us on trial? That would have been my choice. Who are you? I am Cavil, solon of this Qu'ho and I will ask you the questions. Are you not Hercules, love slave of the Amazon, Cyane? No, uh, well... No, we're just friends. Be careful how you choose your friends. Cheiron? What are you doing away from the academy? Oh, well, lolaus and I thought that you might be in trouble, so we went after you and then, uh, well, we got captured by the Amazons and it all got kinda complicated after that. Complicated? Is that what you call a sneak attack by a herd of Centaurs? I know of no such attack. You see, it has ever been so between the Amazons and us. Their cunning against our strength. Their lies against our truth. They accuse us of the very crimes that they commit. What? Last evening, when the sun went down, two of our clan were taken by these brazen harridans. I saw it with my own eyes. Then you are either deluded, or a liar! Cheiron. Whatever Cavil saw last night, it wasn't the Amazons. They were at their camp, celebrating a new homeland. Ah, but there's the dilemma. Their new homeland is on our land. This is why I was summoned by my kindrah. To lead our forces and drive out the Amazons. Then, you admit you attacked us! I admit no such thing! Until last night, I pleaded with our council to be patient! To forgive their trespasses! But, now... I can't believe what I'm hearing. Are you really willing to go to war over a plot of land? This is no longer about land. I do not understand! The two casualties were my brother and his son. Perhaps, next time, your friends will choose their victims more carefully. Hey, we're the victims here, not you. Now, I demand you give our sisters back! Silence! The Amazons are the aggressors, and they must leave the grasslands at once or we will make them leave! Back at the academy, you were always telling us that we should maintain peace. You're always telling me not to let my anger cloud my thinking! Why can't you take your own advice? Go back to the Amazons. Tell them they have until dawn. The choice is theirs. They can leave and avert a war, or they can stay and start one. Hercules, would ya slow down? No. Your problem is you won't admit you might be wrong about the Centaurs! No, you see, my problem is that nobody will admit that they might be wrong about anything! The Amazons, the Centaurs have been fighting for centuries, and they're both too blind to listen! Listen to what? Hello, they attacked us! That's not what Cheiron says. He says it was the other way around! - But he's not telling the truth! - That's my point! Don't you see? Something doesn't add up here! It's like what Cheiron said, appearances can be deceiving. If I only had enough time to figure this all out. What if you don't? Then two people that I care about are gonna spend tomorrow trying to destroy each other. Aw, poor Hercules. I hope he doesn't sprain his little brain with all that thinking. Oh, let him strain away. It's over. Stick a fork in little Herc 'cause he is done! Ladies and gentlemen, this war is on! Strangeland Dee Snider Subtitles English ♪ I've died a thousand times ♪ ♪ Drowned in a sea of lies ♪ ♪ Walked every path through every door ♪ ♪ Oh, how I've suffered through ♪ ♪ The wicked men can do ♪ ♪ The pain they can endure ♪ ♪ The things I have in store ♪ ♪ These are the lies ♪ ♪ Here in paradise ♪ ♪ Legions suffer for the few ♪ ♪ Never knowing they were used ♪ ♪ Don't turn away ♪ ♪ Get down to your knees and pray ♪ ♪ On the things you dedicate ♪ ♪ For the pain you would forsake ♪ [ Buzzing ] ♪ The little lies ♪ ♪ These are the lies ♪ ♪ These are the lies ♪ ♪ The dirty little lies ♪ Welcome. Here we go. Donna, check this guy out. What kind of name is captain howdy? Do you like hip-hop? Love it. What's "I.M me"? Not "I.M me." "I," period, "M," period, me. Instant message. Now we can talk to him one on one. Whoa. Let me get this straight. You're going on a blind date with a screen name? Who is this guy? Where have you been? Someday we'll meet, marry and have cyber sex with the man of our dreams on-line. Everything I need to know about this guy is right here. Feel better? I guess so. Hey, he didn't invite you. Just kidding. This is bad. If they capture the MAGI, they'll be able to occupy headquarters. Let me guess. They need help with the MAGI's self-defense system. Yes. Report to the Second Command Center... where you will be briefed by Lt. Ibuki. He expects the woman he abandoned to jump when he calls. Arrogant bastard. A Level 2 Alert is in effect. Status report. Good morning. Tokyo 2 launched Special Order A-801. 801? NERV's legal protection and jurisdiction have been rescinded... and command has been transferred to the Japanese Government. That was the only warning. They tried to take the MAGI, but we've managed to contain the damage so far. Ibuki here. Dr. Akagi is currently installing additional defense programs. Ritsuko? ! Am I doing something stupid? The interaction between men and women is so illogical. Isn't that right... Mother? Goura Ground circuit recovery 0.2%. How much longer? We should make it. Dr. Akagi is amazing! Just hacking into the MAGI? Yeah, right. I doubt they're going to let us off that easily. The MAGI was just foreplay. They plan to launch an all-out offensive against Headquarters... and take the two Evas by force, don't they. Of course. We have both Adam and Lilith. No wonder the old men are so nervous. External feed to the MAGI has been halted. A Danang B-Type Defense program is in place. External access has been cut off for the next 62 hours. Mother. I'll see you soon. Ikari has installed a Type 666 firewall on the MAGI's external feed circuits. That's very difficult to breach. Apparently we will have to forgo acquisition of the Tokyo-3 MAGI. I had hoped to settle this peacefully. Launch the invasion forces immediately! All units move out as planned. We have lost the radar feed from sectors 8-17! A large detachment of Special Force Units... has invaded the outer defense perimeter! Two more are approaching from the Gotenba sector! After all we've been through, our fiinal enemy is our fellow man. All personnel go to Level One battle stations. Battle stations? ! But they're human, not Angels! I wish they felt the same way. What's happening? ! Hey! What's wrong? Transmission from the southern hub has been- The Daigatake tunnel has been cut off! . Fire in the West No. 5 entrance! Hostile forces have entered Level 1! The west side attack is a decoy! If they're really after the Evas, they'll go after the pilots first. - Tell Shinji to stand by in Unit 01. - Roger! - Where's Asuka? - Still in recovery room 303. Get her into Unit 02! There's no way she can synchronize with Unit 02! If they find her, they're going to kill her. If we put her in Unit 02, at least she'll be safe. Understood! As soon as Asuka's in there, hide Unit 02 at the bottom of the lake. It's not the best hiding place, but it's better than the cage. - Where's Rei? - Unable to locate! Pilot of Unit 00 is missing! She will be killed. Find her, now! Launching Unit 02 via gate number 8. The Eva will remain underwater at a depth of 70 meters. Prepare to deploy Unit 01. Station it in the Geofront. We can't! Shinji isn't there! Oh dear god... Full lock down has been instigated, starting at Level 2. All non-combat personnel must evacuate via route 87 immediately. I repeat... The No. 3 underground barricade has been destroyed! Enemy forces have begun invading Level 2! There's nothing we can do to hold them off. Our defeat has become inevitable. Professor Fuyutsuki, please see to the rest of this for me. Yes, Commander. Give my regards to Yui. No response from Level 2! Contact has been lost with control room 77. Internal monorail track 57 has been destroyed. This is brutal! I'd rather be fighting the Angels! Of course. We're not used to fighting human enemies. Sever the red ones first. Level 3 Block B has been invaded! There's no stopping them! Enemy presence confirmed in Block F! The Main bypass is under fire! Seal off levels 1-3! Order a full retreat! Release Bakelite through all passages up through section 803! Right! Commencing Bakelite release in section 703, thirty seconds to completion. Commencing Bakelite release in section 737... Well, that should buy us some time. Major Katsuragi! Route 47 is completely blocked. The third Unit is unable to advance. Shinji is cut off! . All non-combat personnel should avoid engaging the enemy. These guys are pros, so if you can't retreat to Central Dogma... you're better off just surrendering. - Take charge of things here for me. - Right. Mt. Futagoyama has been secured. This is harder than we thought. We never get the easy jobs. This is insane! The center wasn't made to withstand invading armies. We can barely hold off terrorists. If the JSSDF launches a full scale attack, we're screwed. Slowly but surely they've been cutting our defense budget. They've probably been planning this since the very beginning. Very possible... Release the safety. I can't. I just can't shoot this thing. Of course you can! You've had basic training! But I shot at targets, not at other human beings! Idiot! It's kill or be killed! Rei. I knew I'd find you here. The time has come. Let's go. Level 1 has been secured. Over. Roger that. We are moving in on the MAG and the Level 2 Command Center. We are currently engaged in combat. Commence cooling of the Fifth Malbolgia sector immediately. Terminate Eva Pilots on sight. Execution of non-combat personnel has been authorized. Yanagihara and Shinjo units, proceed to lower level. We've located the Third Child. Commencing termination. Sorry, kid. Nothing personal. Nothing personal here either. Let's get you to Unit 01. Come on. Roger that. We have the purple unit surrounded. The Bakelite infusion was not a problem. Damn. They're trying to prevent contact between Shinji and Unit 01. We're running out of time. This is it, Shinji. Do you want to run away or do you want to pilot the Eva? If you sit there and do nothing, then you're already dead! Help me, Asuka... help me. Hiding behind the skirts of a little girl at a time like this? ! Giving up half way is worse than never trying at all! Get up. Move it! I want to die. I don't want to do anything. Stop talking like a stubborn little brat! Like it or not, you're still alive! Get moving and DO something! You can die later. Unimportant! Securing Terminal Dogma is your top priority, understand? ! They've destroyed everything else, why don't they just nuke us and get it over with? ! If we weren't sitting on top of the original MAGI system, they probably would have. They probably need it in as intact as they can get it. I just hope they don't use BC weapons. Things could get pretty ugly. That or N2 mines Speak of the devil... They aren't holding anything back! They're over doing it. Why do they want the Eva this badly? ! They plan to initiate Third Impact... using the Eva series instead of the Angels. 15 years ago, Second Impact was intentionally engineered by mankind, because it was the only way to minimize the potential damage. They had to reduce Adam to an embryonic state... before the other Angels awoke. You see, Shinji, mankind was spawned from a being called Lilith, just like Adam was. We are the 18th Angel. The other Angels are just different possibilities of... what we could have become. Sadly, we can't coexist, even though we are fundamentally the same creatures. Listen, Shinji. You have to destroy the rest of the Eva Series. It's the only way to stay alive. The phone lines are all dead. Nagano Prefecture, Neo Tokyo 2 Yes, sir. Missile impact was confirmed three minutes ago. This Instrumentality Project NERV was secretly researching... trying to initiate Third Impact and destroy all of mankind. The whole thing makes me sick. Humanity is probably the only creature... capable of hating its own kind. Well, then. I suppose all we have left to do is destroy NERV Headquarters. Should Germany or China begin re-development? No. We won't make the same mistake twice. Make sure no one can touch it for the next 20 years, like Old Tokyo. Surface heat has dissipated. High pressure steam discharges have also stopped. All detachments' positions have been confirmed. Dogma Level 3 and the purple unit are currently secured. And the red one? In the lake, about 70 meters down. We don't know if the pilot is alive or dead. I'm still alive...? I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. You're still alive... You mustn't die yet... You must live... I won't let you die... I will protect you... You're still alive... I won't let you die... You mustn't die... Please die with me! Don't kill her... I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. You must live... I DON'T WANT TO DIE! Mama! You've been here all along? Mama! - What is that? ! - Dear God! Mamma... Mama! Now I understand! The meaning of the AT Field! You were always protecting me! Always watching over me! We were always together! Mama! Eva Unit 02 has activated! Asuka is OK! She's alive! Asuka? ! The cable! Focus your fire power on that cable! Even without my umbilical cable, I've still got 12 thousand plates of fortified armor! And I've got my AT Field! There's no way I can lose! Not to you bastards! That loathsome Evangelion. Once again, our plans will go unrealized. It seems we'll have to fight fire with fire. The Eva Series? It's been completed? CURE "Kyua" Takabe Fumie Once upon a time in a forest, there lived a man and his beautiful daughter. One day a golden carriage drawn by six horses stopped before their house. Out of it stepped a king. Would you give me your daughter to be my wife? He asked the man. Delighted, the man agreed. The king was very handsome. His only flaw being his beard, which was blue. Apart from this, there was no fault to be found with him. BLAUBARC Bluebeard Helmurt Barz What does to kill a woman you love mean? Anything wrong? Nothing. Enough of the book, I guess. Let's talk about something else. Yes, please. Feeling all right? Yes. I know how... the story ends. In the end, the daughter kills Bluebeard. You are...? Takabe, from Headquarters. Thank you for coming. Takabe-san! Do you want to talk to the man who found the body? He is a cleaner working at this hotel. No. The victim is a prostitute. Something like this was bound to happen someday... I'm Takabe. I'm Yasukawa, from the Precinct. Find anything? Yes. Driver's License Kuwano Ichiro May 05, 1951 Home:2-1198-32 Honmachi, Asaka City, Saitama Prefecture Domicile (Honseki):8-10-15 Oomori Nishi, Oota-ku, Tokyo Issued on April 30, 1996 If it was this Kuwano guy, he ran away naked. And he left us his ID. Excuse me... She was struck with a blunt object, but she died from loss of blood. It wouldn't have taken long. Both carotid arteries, the vessels in the neck have been cut off. Have you ever seen wounds like this before, Yasukawa-san? No. I see. But the perpetrator is no ordinary character. You don't have to go this far just to kill someone. The suspect may have a motorcycle or a bicycle. Check all the service roads. I'll join you soon. I'll check out this neighborhood. You want to tag along with me? Oh, Takabe...this. Then there was blood everywhere... Lots of it. Sakuma...this came from the Shibaura Precinct. And then... I looked at her face... He looks normal to me. They've requested a psychiatrist... What's the point? So he's like the rest? Yeah. He admits intent, then says afterwards he was stunned. The devil made them do it, is all I can guess. Three cases in two months... What's going on? The media don't know? No. We haven't released any details. No TV or book plots like this? None. We checked. There've been no leaks, either. Unless you've said something in one of your lectures... Give me a break! The perps aren't connected, and they're all perfectly rational. So it just happened. Just happened? People like to think that a crime has some meaning. But most of them don't. So somebody "just happened" to do this? ! Where is this? Shirasato Beach. Where did you say it is? Shirasato Beach. Where? Shirasato Beach in Chiba. Shirasato Beach? Where's that? Where are you going? Nowhere in particular. Anything else? What's the date? February 26th. Where is this? I just told you! When was that? A few minutes ago. Do you know who I am? What? I don't know who I am. You what? Help me. Please. I don't remember anything! Could he use a drink? No, coffee's fine. Here... What's that sound out there? The waves. It's so quiet... "Mamiya" is written here. Might that be your name? I don't know. You could be Mamiya-san. "Mamiya"... That's fine with me. Mamiya can be my name. It probably is. Maybe we can find the Missing Person Request at the Police. No. No police. Why not? Then let's talk some more. Perhaps your family, your work... First tell me about yourself. Me? I teach at Elementary School. And I'm married. That's it. Where is your wife? Sleeping upstairs. Why is she sleeping upstairs? She has a cold. Who does? Mamiya-san. Mamiya-san! Who's that? You, Mamiya-san... Well, I've told you about me. Now tell me about you. About what? Anything. Doesn't the name "Mamiya" bring back anything? No. Why were you on the beach? Where? Shirasato Beach. I don't know what you're talking about! OK, let's change the subject. I want to hear about you. I've already told you. Yeah? I don't remember... I teach at Elementary School. There's just me and my wife. What does your wife do? Nothing. She's a housewife. Who is? My wife. Oh, the woman in the pink negligee... You saw her? I don't remember anything. It's you who remember things. Tell me more about your wife. Yes, I understand. Will you wait for a second? Thank you for coming. Could you give me a minute? Bunch of idiots! What did I do wrong? I do things my way! What? Go to hell! Damn right I'm mad! Stop fucking around, you dumb shit! Sorry to keep you. Oh, thanks. Here we are. There you go. Good. Thanks. Thank you. Come again. Takabe-sama... one moment. Welcome back. Sorry, did I wake you? I'll do that. No, I will... No, I feel good today. Where's the bottle opener? Here. I poured you some beer. Thanks. How's work? Busy? Yeah. How about you? Me? I just did nothing all day long. Fumie... eh? When this case is over, let's take a trip somewhere. No need to overdo it. No, I'd like to go somewhere. We're definitely going. You decide where. Where to? I'll leave that up to you. Okinawa, Hokkaido, anywhere... The South and the North End. One extreme to the other... You decide. All right. The victim is identified. Hanaoka Tomoko, 26, Hanaoka Toru, the suspect's wife. Her carotid arteries were cut. Suspect teaches at elementary school. Committed to his work, a good teacher Popular among students and PTA. High-school classmates, married two years ago. Neighbors describe them as a fine couple. No debt trouble or anything. The devil made him do it...? Hanaoka-san... Last night you killed your wife Tomoko-san. Is that correct? Hanaoka-san? You sliced her open with a knife from her throat to her chest. Why? Why did you kill her like that? I don't know. Why did I do it? Did you read some novel, or see a movie like that? Did someone talk to you? No. I see. You hated your wife. Hanaoka-san, things weren't going well between you. Isn't that right? No, that's not true. Then isn't it strange? What is it, Hanaoka-san? I remember everything what I had done. I killed Tomoko. At the time it just seemed the natural thing to do. Was there a quarrel? No. It's weird. There's no reason to kill her. There is no reason at all. But I killed Tomoko! Hanaoka-san... Crying won't help. I'm going to keep on asking you until you tell me. I'm sure this is hard for you... That's enough, Takabe. No. That's enough. Take him. He's not lying. He remembers everything. Chances are he's completely sane. Hey! Stop that! Will a person cut someone up like that because the devil made them do it? What if they all had some similar trauma in their childhoods? It lays suppressed for years, then they explode... Could that happen? Since when did you become a shrink? I've been reading up... you know, my wife, Fumie... Don't laugh. Beginners' books. Don't believe everything you read. Well, it's in a book... No other person can understand what motivates a criminal. Sometimes not even the criminal can. No one understands. Don't go in too deep. No. All I want is to find words that will explain the crimes. That's my job. Yeah, I guess so. How is your wife, by the way? She's attending the hospital you suggested. She's a lot better. Yeah? At least, it looks that way. I don't know if she really is. Thank you very much. That's all right. I might have to come again. I understand. Could you contact this officer if someone else moves in? All right. Give him your number. Hey, you! What are you doing up there? ! You'll get hurt! Come down! I'm coming up! Damn fool! Shiomicho Police Box Koto-ku Ward Name, address and particulars...unknown. He appears to be in his late 20s. Yes, I know that. All right, thank you. Well, we are checking at the station, but you know nothing. Even the computer won't pick up anything. Don't worry. Tomorrow we'll get you to a hospital. Have some tea. Is this your place? No, it's a police box. You're a cop? Yes. Why am I talking to you? I want to ask you some questions. About me? Do you remember standing on that roof? eh? How about coming to this police box with me? Is this a police box? Yes. Who are you? Oh, boy! I can't fill in forms... Can I smoke? Sure. Ooida-san! You can't smoke here! That's OK. Here. I don't smoke on duty. Is that so? Here. Oh, thanks. I'll go do my rounds. It must be hard work. What? Sometimes... I'm sleepy. I'll sleep a bit. OK. Ooida-san? eh? Look at this. You hear me, don't you? Yes... I'd like to hear about you. Huh? Tell me. Shiomicho Hospital I think it's the flu. Does your throat hurt? A little. Lower your pants and lie down, please. eh? Lower your pants and lie down. OK. That's good enough. Raise your knees a bit. You're bold, aren't you? Your lymph glands are a bit swollen. Fine, thank you. What do you want at this hour? ! Sorry. This won't take long. 10 minutes, and that's all! Listen...you don't think it might be some kind of hypnosis, do you? Huh? You know, someone looks at a flashing light... then does whatever someone tells them? "Hypnotic suggestion"... Is it possible? What do you think? You're the only one I dare ask... Well? Got some new evidence? Just an idea. Hypnotism itself is a very common technique. But even if you manage to hypnotize someone, you can't change their basic moral sense. A person who thinks murder is evil won't kill someone, through Hypnotic Suggestion. Could you induce someone to cut in that "X" pattern? It'd take a long process to get that suggestion into place. Impossible? I didn't say that... if the hypnotist was a genius. But why would someone do that? I don't know. A thrill killing? Some thrill that'd be! No one knows what motivates a criminal. That's what you told me. Ooida-san! Yes? Do you know where the documents we must deliver to the local ward office is? On the right-hand shelf. Yeah, I found it. Like I said. Yes. Be right back. Come in. Sorry I'm late. That's all right. Did something happen? I got lost. Got lost? Yes. Did you come another way? I don't know. Suddenly I just didn't know where I was. How did you get here, then? I don't know. Suddenly I was in front of the hospital. Hmm...well, it all worked out for the best. You got here. Yes. That book... Hm? Bluebeard. Do you remember it? No, I've never seen it before. There's nothing physically wrong. Just a sprained ankle. Nothing to worry about. So how's your memory? Tomorrow we'll move you to a hospital with a proper psychiatric department. Sure. How far back... do you remember? I remember talking to you. That's all. Any worries? Worries? About what? You're quite calm. You're the one with worries. Sorry? Can I smoke? There's no smoking here. I see. What do you mean, I have worries? Uh, what? ... I forgot. Water... Doctor, can I tell you something? Certainly. All the things that used to be inside me, Now they're all outside. So I can see all of the things inside you, Doctor. But the inside of me...is empty. Don't look at me. Now you tell me about you. About me? What about me? Why you became a doctor... Why? You're just a woman. Why did you become a doctor? "Just a woman"? "Just a woman" That's what people said, isn't it? They did, didn't they? Think back. Remember exactly how you felt... Just a woman... Woman is a lower life form than man. Is this correct? See? Now you remember... When you were in medical school... You dissected a corpse, didn't you. The first corpse you'd ever seen. It was a man, wasn't it? Think back... You'd never seen a naked man before. You took your scalpel and cut into him. It made you feel good, didn't it. Didn't it? Think back... You wanted to be a Surgeon... but you weren't sure you could, and you picked Internal Medicine. No, that's not correct. What you really wanted to do was cut a man open. Shiomicho Police Box Koto-ku Ward Metropolitan Police Dept. You shot him in the head. Wasn't that enough? Is there a reason why you cut into the dead man with a knife? Yes. I hated him. Why? Various reasons... It's been 3 years since he was transferred to our box. I put up with him all that time. Finally I couldn't stand it any more. But to kill him? Yes. Detective, you've never killed anyone, have you? That's how you get when you hate someone from the bottom of your heart. So it was an angry impulse? No. I was calm. Isn't that a bit strange? Yes, it definitely is strange. May I? I'm Sakuma, a psychiatrist. Ooida-san, do you remember seeing anything shiny? For example... Something like this? Hm? ...no. Were you talking to anyone before the crime? No. Is that true? Try to remember... Could you stop doing that, please? Sakuma, keep going... Don't stop! Ooida-san, you did meet someone, didn't you? We know you did. Look at the light. No. No one. Yes, you did. Who was it? What was his name? I didn't! Enough! Ooida-san... You must have seen a light like this. Was anyone there? Someone told you to do this, didn't they? Who was it? There might have been someone there. Who was there? I don't know! Of course, you know! Who was it? Tell me his name, please. His name? Yes, his name. What was his name? He...didn't have a name. He didn't? What do you mean? Ooida-san, look at the light! That's enough! Excuse me... I'm thirsty. It is hypnosis, isn't it? We can't be sure of that. But his reaction wasn't normal! I decide what's normal and what's not. Stop traumatizing people. Sakuma, we're not counseling this man. We're interrogating him! No mistake about it! Don't move! But... Just stay there. Ooida-san? Ooida-san! Huh? What did you do just now? Just now? Nothing... What was your hand movement? You mean this? I don't know... Nothing in particular. Tell me about what you just did. I just remembered... about him. That's all. Nothing more than that. Public Toilet (Men) (Women) Chuo-Park How long will this go on! Takabe-san! What are you doing? Another murder. The toilets in Chuo Park. Get over there. There was a report of a suspicious person at Shiomicho Hospital at Koto-ku Ward. 3 days ago, Ooida took him in there. Shiomicho Hospital Amnesia? Looks like it. Where is he? He's not in his room. So where is he? They say he hasn't left the hospital. Okay, I know you are in here Come on out. Where? Here. I don't know where I am. Well then, I'll have to come to you. Where are you? Come on out! Who are you? Police. Who? Police. Do you understand my question? I've got some questions to ask you. I want to hear about you. I'm asking the questions! You answer! Who are you? Where are you? ! Who are you? Takabe of Investigation Section 1! Stop screwing around! Name? I forgot. Address, Age And Occupation. I don't know. Since when were you at the hospital? Where? Shiomicho Hospital. eh? Shiomicho Hospital. You were treated by Dr. Miyajima Akiko. Where? Round In Circles! Dr. Miyajima Akiko- - Kuwano Ichiro--Officer Ooida Hanaoka Toru--Tomoko- - Sakuma Makoto You've met these people, haven't you? I don't remember. How about this person? I don't know. This is you. It looks like me. So now we're sure of one thing. That's you. All right? I don't know him. So this is me... Who are you? A detective. How about these? Corpses. Do you like these? No. If you don't like them, why do you have them? It's my job. Job? What's your job? Right now, I'm asking you questions. Why? You're an important source of information. Me? Why? At the Hanaoka house, we found your fingerprints. Whether you remember or not, you met Hanaoka. Oh, is that what you mean? You know everything, Detective. Not what's inside your head. My head? Here? Your attitude is not to your advantage. Why? I want you to remember from the beginning. First of all, before you came here, You were in Shiomicho Hospital. You admit this, don't you? What's wrong? Why are you raising your voice? Because you won't answer properly. Why? Answer my questions properly. Can I smoke? No! Takabe! Detective... Yes? Tell me more about yourself. After you talk. Stop it! Leave the room! Of course thorough examination and testing is needed. There are clear symptoms of typical psychosis. Don't get into it with him. You'll just get confused. Hey, you all right? Yeah. I'm all right. I went to the convenience store, and I got lost. I see. I thought we'll need toothbrushes. Toothbrushes.... We will, won't we? What if we stay at an inn and we didn't have toothbrushes? We'll be in trouble, won't we? Yes, we will, won't we? I'll do the shopping. OK? You're tired. You don't have to do everything for me. We don't have to take a trip, either. We'll take a trip. Definitely. My next holiday. Definitely! Hey... Impound all that guy's stuff. But he's a witness, not a suspect. I don't care. Just do it. What's that? The scar from a burn. not an old one. Maybe he touched something metal... Something round and hot... Round and hot? This way. No one's home. Do you have the key? Yeah. Is Mamiya-san in some kind of trouble? That's what I'm here to find out. I see. Well, it's all yours. Excuse me? Huh? When did you last see Mamiya-san? About 6 months ago, maybe... I don't come out here much. He paid a year's rent in advance. I'll be downstairs, if you need me. Various Psychology-Related Books Mesmer of Paris The Revolution, And Animal Magnetism Robert Darnton Mesmer Animal Magnetism It's Psychological Effects Mamiya Kunihiko Musashino Medical University "Mesmerism" involves some social role-playing with the mesmerizer... Sakuma? I've found out who our man is. His name is Mamiya Kunihiko. A psychology major at Musashino Medical University until 3 years ago. His professors said he hardly ever showed up for classes. Yeah, just like you. Then he was a live-in part-timer at a Recycle Center in Kawasaki. That's probably when he got burned. He vanished 6 months ago. No, I don't know what he was doing. Sakuma, do you know "Mesmer"? OK. Tell me when I get back. Takebe Residence 401 What's wrong? What happened? Don't scare me like that! Are you ill? Why are you home now? Nothing, I just... He's sick. I've moved him to hospital. On whose authority? Mine. You're taking him from me? Yes. It's dangerous for you to keep talking to him. You bastard! Hey! Don't you wanna know about Mesmer? I'll ask him! No one's supposed to see him. Open up. Move. What's wrong? Your hands are shaking. I found out. Mamiya Kunihiko That's your name. Oh, is that so? Mamiya! Who is Mesmer? Who? Mesmer. At Musashino Medical University, you studied Mesmer and Hypnotic Suggestion. What? Whether you remember or not... I'll have you arraigned for instigation to murder. It's over. You saw your wife dead, didn't you. Your wife is sick, isn't she? It is hard caring for her at home, isn't it? Where did you hear about that? The other young detective told me. Does it bother you, talking about your wife? Anyway, there'll be lots of time. There's no way out of here for you. It's you who wants out. I know what you did. Tell me whatever you like. That's why you came, isn't it? Mamiya, you planted a hypnotic suggestion in those people's minds. It's hard to be a detective with a crazy wife. Shut up! You do it by keeping your work and your home life completely apart. How did you do it? The detective or the husband... Which is the real you? How did you hypnotize them? Neither one is the real you. There is no real you. Your wife knows that, too. How did you hypnotize them? Watch! You're right! My wife is a burden. I know. You don't have to tell me! I'm a detective. I've been taught never to show emotion, even with my family. And this is the result! I don't understand her. She doesn't understand what I go through. I know it's my fault it's that way. So what? What else could you do? That's right! What other way is there? Look... You think this is how I wanted to end up? We should all relax, enjoy ourselves, lead peaceful lives. What a crap! Society isn't like that! Oh, so society's to blame... It's people like you. It's guys like you who have my head about to split open! Lunatics like you have it easy while citizens like me go through hell! I must spend my whole life taking care of that wife of mine! If it weren't for you... things would be fine with my wife and me. MY WIFE, I can forgive... but YOU, I won't! You're amazing. You like that? Hearing me talk? Yeah. Good! Now it's your turn. I want the whole story. Plenty of it. What's wrong? Can't talk without your lighter? Here. You're amazing! That water will make you calm. It will make you empty... You'll be born again. Just like me... Are you all right, Takebe-san? Was it you? Huh? Did you tell him about me? Uh, well, you know... He keeps asking all these questions... Mesmer was an 18th-century Austrian doctor. He is the first man to study hypnosis. It wasn't recognized then as a medical treatment. They saw it as fakery, magic... or witchcraft. And? There's still a lot we don't know about Mesmer. Some say he really did study magic, and alchemy. And Mamiya's doing that? Impossible. If so... the diagnosis would be simple. He'd simply be a megalomaniac. But that's not it. He has definitely lost his memory, but otherwise he's not abnormal. But he's also a man with a very complex personality. I see... OK. Takabe... It's dangerous to talk to him. You don't know what could happen. Don't get too deep. I know. #1 Conference Room Takabe. Yes. Mamiya-san, could you tell us your name, your date of birth... anything you remember. Well? Do you remember anything about yourself? No... Mamiya-san... Are you aware of the situation you are in at present? I mean the charges against you. Who are you? Fujiwara, the Chief Inspector. Well, Mamiya-san? Do you understand why you are here now? What? Don't ask questions, answer them. What question? Mamiya-san... Instigation to murder can bring the death penalty. Do you understand that? Is that your boss? Yes. That must be a drag. Mamiya-san, answer my question. Who are you? Fujiwara. the Chief Inspector. Who? Are you being smart? ! Who are you? Takabe, what's wrong with this man? I'm asking who you are. Answer my question! All right, I'll ask you again. Fujiwara, the Chief Inspector, Who are you? What is it that you want to ask me? You figure it out by yourself. I'm very sorry! You must understand, he has amnesia. As it has been this way since day one, What a bunch! our interrogation has not been smooth. They don't understand, do they? About me, or about you... Detective... Do you hear my voice? You do, don't you? That proves you're a special person. You knew that from the start. So did I. You're different from them. You're someone who can understand what I'm really saying. Take him away. Okinawa Tour Pamphlets, fliers, etc. Will Okinawa be warm? I'll eat lots of good food. What do you want to eat? Fumie, we're not going to Okinawa. Yes... The sea there must be beautiful... I'll pick her up as soon as my work settles down. I understand. I'll take her bag. Shall we go? Thank you, Doctor. Takabe-san... It's not good to work too hard. You look sicker than your wife to me. I'm sorry, I don't have the tag. I wonder where it went? A week ago, wasn't it? Yes. Takabe-sama, right? One moment, please. I'm sorry, Sir, but it's not here. That can't be... Maybe you took it somewhere else... No. Or you gave it to your wife... No. May I take your plate? Yes. Hello? Sakuma? What? No, I'm not busy. Now? I want to show you something. What? A film on hypnotherapy. I transferred it on video at the University. The oldest material on hypnotism in Japan, possibly. It probably dates from the end of the 19th century. Look at the man's hand? You have to look closely... See? There. He is drawing what looks like an X? Is that all? Yeah. What does it mean? Her name was Murakawa Suzu. She was treated for hysteria. That's all that's recorded. According to the Police Records, Murakwa Suzu was arrested for the murder of her son in 1898. Now the way she has murdered her son... It was by cutting the shape of a cross into his neck. That's all we know. Did Mamiya see this film? I don't know... There's not much chance even medical students would see it. But even if he had... that still wouldn't explain his actions. Who's this man in the film? We don't know. We do know, however, why he didn't show his face to the camera. You know what they called hypnotism in Japan then? Soul-Conjuring Like clairvoyance, spiritualism... the same sort of thing. The authorities in any age always suppress occultism... and the Meiji Government then would have suppressed this technique. It would only have been performed in secret ceremonies... Heresles An opinion or doctrine beliefs Mesmerian Chapter 4 Hakuraku Tojiro (? ~1898) Sakuma... Sakuma... Sakuma... Sakuma... Huh? So what is Mamiya, then? What's your guess? Tell me. A Missionary. A Missionary? To propagate the knowledge to the un-reached peoples. I see... Sorry, I was just imagining things. What am I saying? Don't take me seriously, Takabe! I'm a little tired. Let's call it a day. Now I'm getting in too deep! Sakuma... What's that? Oh, that? I just thought it might help me to think. About what? Yeah... What is it? I don't know well. You met Mamiya... No. Yes, you did. It's weird... I don't remember. Mamiya Kunihiko's whereabouts is unknown. Earlier reports of him near Kawasaki Station were inaccurate. In the absence of further information... The search area is being widened from Tokyo and Saitama... to the entire Kanto Region. Hello? One moment, please. Takabe-san, from Shirogane Precinct. Hello? I see... We're on our way. Dr. Sakuma's body has been taken to the hospital. It was probably suicide. He strangled himself. He'd cuffed his right hand to that pipe. Weird as that sounds. You finally came, Detective... Why did you let me escape? I know why? By letting me escape, you could learn my true secret. All by yourself. You didn't have to, though. Anyone who wants to meet his true self is bound to come here. It's fate. Remember now? Do you remember everything? You do? This is the end for you, too. Fear is a road to cure. Your hand is a healing hand. Road of healing is long way to go. Cure... Cure... Take a knife and cure! A man is just like dew. Cure common people's fear. Wind is a storm! Devote yourself for Cure. Accept all for the road of healing. Cure! Take a knife and cure! Shall I bring you a coffee? Yes. Hello? All right. Bring the car to the Precinct. Here you are. Thanks. CURE Kyua Yakusho Koji as Takabe Kenichi Hagiwara Masato as Mamiya Kunio Ujiki Tsuyoshi as Sakuma Makoto Nakagawa Anna as Takabe Fumie Douguchi Yoriko as Dr.Miyajima Akiko Hotaru Yukijiro as Kuwano Ichiro Suwa Mitsuyo as Hotel Murder Victim Denden as Ooida Oosugi Ren as Fujiwara Toda Masahiro as Hanaoka Toru Haruki Misayo as Hanaoka Tomoko Nakayama Shun as Kimura Ootaka Akira as Yasukawa Suzuki Shogo as Tamura Kato Toshi as Psychiatrist Tanimoto Hajime as Takabe's Boss Directed by Kurosawa Kiyoshi Script by Kurosawa Kiyoshi Prepared for friends at a.b.m.j (01-19-2004) This drama is fictitious and bears no resemblances (except for names) to any real person. These are the Diomede Islands in the centre of the Bering Strait. Behind me is Greater Diomede - uninhabited, a Russian island - and the one I'm on - Little Diomede - is American. 50 miles to the north is the Arctic Circle. Behind me runs the International Date Line. On Greater Diomede it's already tomorrow. From these straits, the Pacific 0cean stretches southwards to cover one third of the Earth's surface. 0ur journey will take us all the way round this vast ocean. 50,000 miles of travel through 18 countries. If all goes well, when we return here in a year, we shall have been full circle. A late August sun shines for our departure, making light of the harsh life in this village, battered by the elements for nine months a year. The 180 inhabitants of this windswept rock live by fishing, and always have done. - What? - (BOY) What are you doing? Just making a film. The oil-rich government of Alaska has done much to make life here comfortable. There's a school, satellite TV, electricity and abundant fresh water. And the island has voted itself alcohol-free. But they still hunt beluga whales in boats of walrus skin and it's in one of these that I shall begin my Pacific journey. The locals are, frankly, unimpressed. They've seen travellers trying to cross the ice bridge between Russia and America or on their way to the Arctic. This is just one more crazy departure for a people who wouldn't exchange Diomede for anywhere else on Earth. So we say, "Farewell, Diomede!" See you in a year. It's good to be on the move - out on the ocean on a wing and a prayer and a walrus-skin boat. What more could I ask for? Except a helicopter like the rest of the crew. 130 miles south of Diomede lies Nome - a doughty, resilient community of 5,000, clinging to the shores of western Alaska. The spirit of the last frontier survives in Nome. They're proud of the fact that the nearest tree is 75 miles away. In Nome, real men drive pickup trucks and never wash them. 90 years ago, these bleak beaches were called the "Golden Sands of Nome". 30,000 prospectors camped here in search of a fortune... and they still come. Excuse me dropping in, but I was told I must see the Golden Sands of Nome. - See if it's true. - Legendary! That was three hours of work. Maybe $100. - Three hours this afternoon? - Yeah. Maybe $100. I'm gonna suck it right out. - Are you together? - Yeah. This is my son. Your son? Really? So is this a hobby? This is a hobby. I invest all the gold money. I don't have to live on it. I'm buying a new Corvette with this year's gold. Last year... Two years ago I bought a Corvette. Last year I bought a house. I've got five homes now. With gold prices at $350 an ounce, there's still money to be made at the Bering Sea. But everyone has his own way of making it. Stan Cook is an Englishman. Not for him the delicacy of the gold pan. Stan is slowly and systematically washing away the beach. - Why do you do this? - Why? - Yeah. - So I don't die from lack of activity. It's fun. Do you have to get special permission to pan on the beach? No. Just from my wife. My wife is the only one I have to ask. How much does she pay you? I mean, how much do you have to pay her? Sorry. I goofed. How pay much she her you do? Pebble number 13. Bering Sea. Ocean. Sky. Palin here. Very cold. Chill, chill. Nosey dribble and soon terrible temperature. Flu-y. Fall over deady. No more Pacific Rimmy. I'm deteriorating fast and it's only the second day. This may be the frozen north, but no one leaves on a sled any more. Thank you. They know how to treat a star. Thank you. There are no roads from Nome to the rest of Alaska. From here, there's only one quick way out. 0ur circle around the Pacific will follow the Asian side first. So we must make our way across to Russia. The US Coast Guard has offered to take us on their supply flight from Kodiak down the Aleutian chain to the island of Attu. They leave from their Kodiak base in two days. (BELLS RING) 130 years ago, America bought Alaska from the Russians for $7 million - less than two cents an acre. But at the 0rthodox church, Kodiak still feels firmly Russian. (CHOIR SINGS SOFTLY) As we have two days before our plane leaves for Attu, there's time to see the sights. The greatest of these is the Kodiak brown bear which can be seen in the wild on an overnight trip from the capital. The only way there is by floatplane. These workhorses - this one is 33 years old - are the equivalent of cars on a rugged island like Kodiak. The weather is good as we land 60 miles away on Karluk Lake, so we set off straight away with Scott the ranger, Siggi and Rosie - two enthusiastic Germans - and a few thousand blackflies. We're in luck. Somewhere beyond the flies is a bear. This is one of her cubs right here. He's OK. - He's a year old? - A year and a half old this one. Are they aware of us now? That little cub... His mom picked up on that when he made a few sounds there. So what are they thinking now? She's more interested in pushing this other bear out of the area. (INCESSANT BUZZING) Shelly and Olga have these disputes all the time. Usually neither one of them gives in. The bears scour the river for migrating red salmon. A full-grown female will eat 30 fish a day. - Where are the males? - That's a good question. They come through in the evenings or late at night. We see a few, but we don't see a high population of males here. They're scattered around. - Are they much bigger? - Yes. Sometimes 300-400 pounds more. Finding somewhere to put the flies would help. You can hardly see the bears for the flies. That one up there has hunkered down. Looks like a huge boulder. Next morning the weather has turned. We're packed and ready to go. All we need now is an aeroplane. When it doesn't come, we resign ourselves to a second evening here. That's very nice. Lucky you. So where are you going to next? Maybe Kenai. Look at this. What a feast! Rosie and Siggi are relaxed about the delay, but they do not have to worry about circumnavigating the Pacific. Has this happened before, people being stuck here? We've had a few people this year that have spent up to four extra days here. But that's where the town was fogged in solid. It's mainly fog conditions in Kodiak. It's now 24 hours since we should have been airlifted from Karluk Lake back to Kodiak and off to Attu, but we're still here. I can see the mountains over which the plane should come, but there's no sign of it. We've heard there's fog in Kodiak, so we're still stranded. There's nothing we can do but sit and wait. The day passes with no sight of the plane. There is a real chance that we will miss our Coast Guard flight to Attu and we can't tell the Coast Guard what's happened. Scott's proud of the fact that there's no phone on the island. In some desperation, I ask him if there is any other way out. You could walk to Larsen Bay. It'd be around five miles of walking and six miles of floating. How do we get down the Karluk River? I know of an old raft. I'm not sure about its condition. We'd have to check it out. Are there bears down there? Not as thick, but there's one point along the river on this corner where they're doing lots of feeding - catching king salmon, red salmon. You will encounter bears, I'm sure, along the river. There may be one female with three spring cubs that might stay there. There is one, as Scott warned, and it's quite large. Suddenly, the idea of walking out loses its appeal. It comes right out of the blue... or the grey. For a moment, I don't believe what I'm seeing. Then I'm running out to welcome our saviour. Impenetrable fog had grounded all flights out of Kodiak City for three days, but no one's complaining - we've been rescued. Ah, down to the last pair of underpants! The bad news is that the Coast Guard flight has left. The good news is that we've got on the last flight of the season on the only scheduled service between Alaska and Russia. - Morning. - Good morning. Petropavlovsk, please. I have trouble saying that. You know where I mean? We know where you mean. And it is how it's pronounced. - How many passengers are travelling? - There's seven of us. - How many bags will you be checking? - 43. - 43? ! - We're going on somewhere. - We have 43 tags here. - Good. If you could set your bags up here, we'd appreciate that. - Do we have comfortable seats? - Very. If there's nobody in first class, we could go there. We won't bother anybody. Just give us a glass of champagne and some bags of nuts and we'll sit there quietly. Flight 203 from Anchorage to Petropavlovsk. From America's last frontier to Russia's last frontier. Kamchatka lies 2,000 miles away. The contrast is stark. Alaska is the land of opportunity, and Kamchatka, until six years ago, was closed to all foreigners. But that's changed, and I'm welcomed with a traditional offering of bread and salt. Oh. Thank you. Oh, dear. Unfortunately it's not for me at all, although some of the press half recognise a star when they see one. The real celebrities are an Alaskan delegation from Homer, led by the mayor. The way he tucks in makes me strangely envious of the new cordiality in Russian-American relations. (INDISTINCT INTRODUCTIONS) Greetings over, the Alaskan delegation is swept away in the official limousine. But the offerings from the people of Petropavlovsk don't go unappreciated. I was given it by a friend. It was a bit of a mistake. They weren't for me. They were for some Alaskan-Kamchatkan friendship society. But they left me with the cake. I didn't get the flowers, but I got the cake. Very nice. We'll share it. It should last us a week. Next morning we meet the team who are to show us the wilder side of Kamchatka. - Director of the Kronotsky Reserve. - Hello, Sergei. - Cook, Svetlana. - Svetlana. Excellent. - My assistant, Alexander. - Alexander. - And interpreter Konstantin. - Konstantin. And for those who may not know, this is Igor Nosov, who is the big man here, who's going to guide us through Kamchatka and all the way down the Russian Pacific. So we're all ready. Igor, we are in your hands. Let's get aboard. Thank you. Please. Svetlana. Sergei... And me. Kretchet - the name on the aircraft - is one of the myriad private companies running these old military helicopters. The word means "falcon", but this mighty beast feels more like an elephant. For one moment, I thought we'd decided to go by road instead. There are no roads across Kamchatka and very few people. Those that brave the weather and the rough terrain are mostly nomads. We're looking for a tribe called the Evenks, who live off great herds of reindeer. We locate one of their encampments. It seems remarkably reindeer-free. Can he tell us where are the reindeer herds? (TRANSLATES) - Do you see the mist over there? - Yeah! I don't see anything in the mist! - He said that they are there. - In the mist? - Not far from here. About two kilometres. - Two kilometres. How many reindeer does he have up there? (KONSTANTIN TRANSLATES) - One thousand. - One thousand? ! Well, I think we should try and see them if we can. So the bird labours into the air again, threatening to blow away the Evenks. I missed the Kodiak bears in a cloud of flies. I missed the Coast Guard flight to Attu. This time I'm determined not to miss the reindeer. By now, the entire crew, including the pilot's son, are on full reindeer alert. But there's not an antler to be seen. Then the weather clears, the landscape changes, and we're over some of the most spectacular scenery in the world. Tourism is not yet established here and it's doubtful it ever will be. This part of Kamchatka is protected. The 6,000 square miles below us is known as the Kronotsky Reserve. This is the crater of the Uzon volcano. There are 25 volcanoes on the reserve - 12 are still active. This is a truly amazing place - the Kronotsky Reserve. I haven't seen this much steam since I gave up trainspotting. It is just the size of the place - not only what you see on the surface, like the volcanoes, but what is underneath. I've never anywhere else felt the sense of the earth bubbling and pulsing beneath me, energy just pouring out. And it is in the middle of nowhere. We're extraordinarily privileged to be here. This is inaccessible, remote land of Kamchatka. The geysers erupt with clockwork precision. This one - the Giant - blasts 100 feet in the air every three hours. I persuade Sergei and Konstantin to take me closer. - Be careful because of very hot steam. - Yeah. How hot is that? 257 degrees above zero. Wind, blow that way, please. Come on, God, you've been on our side today so far. Attention, please. Slowly. - Slowly. - Yes. I'm going to keep under the water to avoid being bitten to death. After this water... too young. Possible 20 years ago. I feel 52 already, Igor. I am 52! It looks rather nice up there by the lake. Is it my imagination or has this fish soup got vodka in it? - Is there vodka in here? - Yes. - Do you always put vodka in fish soup? - Russian fish soup always with vodka. - It's really good. - Red wine. Moldavian wine. It's fantastic. - Welcome. - Cheers. - Cheers. Cheers. - The fresh rustle of plastic! (IGOR SINGS IN RUSSIAN) Next morning, we're brought down to earth. Rain sets in and we're confined to 0lga's hunting lodge in Petropavlovsk. Perfect weather for learning a cheerful Russian song. Can you do this into a tape recorder? Just a bit. I don't think I can learn the whole thing. OK. We're on. So in your own time. Igor with... What is it called? The song? This is "Poliushko Pole". It's very traditional Russian song. Composer... Knipper. - Poliushko Pole... - Fantastic Russian. Repeat. Two words I'm OK on. Three I'm rather foxed. OK. Igor live in the studio. (SINGS IN RUSSIAN) # Poliushko Pole... (HUMS) - That is good! - So, big and then small. Loud and then soft. Manic and then melancholy. This is Russian character. All this water reminds me that there is something absent from my traveller's kit and from most Russian hotels as well. Bath plugs. Bath plugs. Don't see a plethora of bath plugs. But one can but ask. Ah. There's somebody over here. (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) ...probka dlia vanni? - Nyet. - Nyet? - Here, nyet? Nowhere here? Nyet. - Nyet probka dlia vanni. Nyet probka dlia vanni. Spasiba. No bath plugs. (SINGS TO "POLIUSHKO POLE" TAPE) (DOG BARKS) Igor? Next morning, whilst 0lga makes potato cakes for breakfast, Igor is negotiating transport to get us out of here. (PHONE RINGS) (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) Thank you very much! Igor's subtle techniques of persuasion worked. We find ourselves back at Petropavlovsk airport. 0nce again we're on our way around the Pacific Rim. 0ur destination is the city of Magadan, 600 miles away on the shores of the Sea of 0khotsk Magadan was built by slave labour in the 1930s. It was the administration centre for the mineral mines of the Kolyma region. Most of the inhabitants of this bleak city are the sons, daughters and grandchildren of prisoners and prison officials. This is where Stalin sent the "enemies of the people". Writers, artists, lawyers - anyone on whom his suspicions fell. In the heart of Magadan is the start of the long road that led to the camps. It runs for hundreds of miles. It, too, was built on slave labour, laid over the bodies of those who perished. We're taking one of the survivors back to the gulag camps where he once worked. His name is Ivan Yakovlev. He's not returned to this harsh wilderness for 50 years. These are the old uranium mines where men worked in isolation to extract the vital ingredients for Russia's first atomic bomb. It was always officially denied that forced labour camps existed, but Ivan Yakovlev shows us the remains of a cemetery 200 miles north of Magadan. There is evidence to prove that someone knew who was buried in these communal graves. Each one is marked with an identification disc made from an old tin lid. "F"? No, that's a Russian G. "24." There's a bone there. (THEY SPEAK RUSSIAN) What would have been the main cause of death? (THEY SPEAK RUSSIAN) He told me that the main causes of death were overwork, radiation and terrible hunger. These are the buildings where the labourers lived. Ironically, the best preserved is the prison. As if one were necessary. If you escaped from here, there was nowhere to go. In the shadow of the mines, there are poignant reminders of those forced to work them. It's estimated that from 1933 until their closure in 1953, three million Russians were sent to their deaths in camps like these. I asked Tatiana, the interpreter, what Ivan Yakovlev's feelings are on returning here. He says he's quite cheerful. The generals and politicians who ran the gulags are all dead. But despite everything that he's been through, he's alive. And, as he himself says, "I'm smiling." When Ivan was released from the gulag in 1946, he was given a medal for services to his country in the Great Patriotic War. He treasures it. (CHEERFUL HUMMING) We leave Magadan later today. Still time for last-minute shopping. The store is called "Things For The House". That reminds me - there IS something I need. Tweezers, brushes, soap. Corkscrews, bulbs. Bath taps. That looks a bit like a probka. Ah. Excuse me? Probka. Probka dlia vanni. (IMITATES GURGLING WATER) - No? Nyet? Nyet? - Nyet. Nyet probka? Got something like it, I think. (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) Like a cork? What she offers me has holes in it. I want something rubber. No. I think that would let the water through. No. Spasiba. There is still one Russian city left in which I can buy a plug. 1,400 miles due south is Vladivostock - the capital of the Russian Far East - where the only railway line across Russia meets the Pacific. This is a first for me. The last few miles of my journey to Vladivostock are along the Trans-Siberian Railway line. The 6,000-mile journey from Moscow takes six days and crosses seven time zones before the train reaches the glorious extravaganza of Vladivostock station - built in 1912 in the Bavarian Gothic style and freshly painted by an Italian film company. Vladivostock is full of Japanese cars and the midday bustle has an almost European feel. It's hard to believe the city was closed to foreigners as recently as 1992. It was closed because it was home to the mighty Russian Pacific Fleet. The fleet now goes on joint manoeuvres with its old enemies America and China and is no longer mighty. My hotel in the leafy suburbs is called the Vlad Motor Inn. It's a joint venture with a Canadian company. Could my search be over? Do the baths have bath plugs here? Er... probka dlia vanni here? - Do the baths have bath plugs here? - Yeah. They're made of rubber. You don't know how glad I am to hear that. It'll save me wandering around Vladivostock. - You can take a deep bath! - I can bath! Thank you. - Where's this? - It's the second floor. - Thank you. - Have a good time here. Ah, the pleasure of retained waterl (SINGS "POLIUSHKO POLE") (PIPED TINKLING MUSIC) The navy wakes early. I do too. The Pacific Fleet has agreed to be my host for the day. (BELL CLANGS) (SHOUTS ORDERS IN RUSSIAN) (PIPED BUGLE CALL) Where the hammer and sickle used to fly, the Russian navy now has a new flag. 0nce it's raised, the day's work begins. I have been invited to join Vice-Admiral Chirkov, deputy commander of the Pacific Fleet, aboard his launch called Typhoon. I've one special favour to ask him. We have an ensemble of dancing and song of Pacific Fleet. Yes. That's what I'm talking about. - And admiral chief of this ensemble. - Really? This ensemble his son. - Does the admiral himself enjoy singing? - Yes, yes. (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) - Because... - He likes a song? # Poliushko Pole... # (SINGS IN RUSSIAN) He like hear. Not song. Only hear. Anyway, I would like to, if he doesn't mind, maybe he could give me the address of the choir and if they're having a rehearsal, I could just pop along. - It is not a problem. - No problem? Thank you very much. (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) As long as there are no auditions. - Have you meet with ensemble? - No. I would like to. - OK. - Thank you. - I've been learning this song. - Poliushko Pole. And will be Poliushko Pole special for you. - With you together. - Please thank the admiral very much. I hope I will do the song justice. So it is that, with permission from the highest level, I'm given temporary membership of the legendary, once mighty, Pacific Fleet Ensemble. (RHYTHMIC TAPPING) A dream about to be fulfilled. Breathe in. Two fingers to the forehead. Ready to go. Oh, my gosh. There's more. Do I need make-up? (MUSICAL INTRODUCTION) Thank you. (CHOIR HUMS) # Poliushko Pole... # Poliush! # Previously on The Practice: I saw a client who's, you know, a lady of the evening. I drove her home, I gave her money because she was broke she started rubbing me and the police suddenly showed up. I'm completely innocent. - You don't know me, Mr. Flood. - Really? Tell me about yourself. - I'm just a joe with a long memory. - So am I. You want my advice? Plead this quick and bury it. You don't want to give Dickie the chance to go after you. You crossed a line, Dickie. You coerced that girl. If I gotta squeeze some Jane to make a john, I got no problem sleeping. We all know you don't like Bobby Donnell. This doesn't smell good, Dickie. What the hell is your interest in this, Helen? I don't like it. Let it go. - Lindsay, what's the big deal? - "The big deal?" - Come on. - You drugged me. You slipped a drug into my wine without telling me. You then sleep with me while I'm under the influence. The "big deal" is called rape. The other night, I kind of had this erotic dream. We were both naked, and you were very rigorous. - Bobby, got a second? - Yeah. This is really none of my business. But remember your big murder trial where you turned rat against counsel? - Andrea Wexler? - We had a conflict of interest. I don't think of it as turning rat. You used to be romantically involved with her, right? That was a long time ago, but there was nothing going on while... Why? What about your Victoria client, the one who murdered her lover? Are you two still...? She was acquitted and why are you asking me this? I shouldn't be, it's just something's come up. What? Scott Hamburg, my boss, the DA. How can I say this...? You just say it, Helen. What's going on? He's having a Halloween party. - Excuse me? - Thursday night. And if you're not seeing any old girlfriends or homicide defendants I'd like you to be my date. - She asked you out? - Yeah. - What'd you say? - I said yeah. - You did? - She caught me off-guard. - Why, is that bad? - She's against the Brady Bill... - You said she's a good person. - She is. But that doesn't mean you should sleep with her. I'm not gonna sleep with her. I'm just gonna put on a Simba mask and go to a party. And don't think for a second she won't be Nala. - Excuse me? - I don't... Yeah, I'm sorry. She is a great person, Bobby. She's a friend, that's all. I guess I just can't help but look out for her a little. Every lawyer I talked to says I got no case. They're probably right. Well, Rebecca says you don't always let the law get in the way of your arguments. I meant that when the law seems unjust, you can find a way around it. Well, when it comes to a pregnant mother and what she wants to do the law doesn't give the father much legal say. Can't you talk to her to see if...? I've done nothing but talk to her, Rebecca. She just... Where's Bobby? Is Bobby here? Lindsay? Where's Lindsay? All right, Lindsay, I need you now. Right now. - Police. Everybody on the ground. - Down. Now. Get on the floor. Get down. Something going on? - What the hell's going on? - Get down on the ground. - What you doing? - Abuse. Abuse. Look. Police abuse. - You have the right to remain silent... - Hey, I'll tell him his rights, thank you. Benny, don't say a word. We'll be at the arraignment. Don't you say a single word to these guys. Been on the force long, boys? Move it. He's represented by counsel. Nobody even asks him his name. Congratulations, Jimmy. You just became a witness. - So am I. Lindsay. - Oh, great. - Why do I always get the drug dealers? - Never mind. Come on. Sorry. Bobby, your right-to-die case, you pull up any new privacy law? - Well, some. Why? - Meet Mike Randall. He wants to force his wife to have a C-section. - I just wanted you to see. - See what? Whose child is this? - I don't know. - Then what's the point? The point is, my boy is exactly the same age as that one. He's just as viable, just as healthy. The only difference is, this one's on the outside. There's no other difference. Just he's on the outside. Unfortunately, there's another difference. This child has rights. Until your boy is actually born, he doesn't. - That's the law. - Yeah. Look at him. Now, you tell me that law doesn't need to be adjusted. - You're upset. - I'm not upset. I'm just surprised. - Were you ever gonna ask him out? - Me? No, of course not. I mean, we work together. It would be stupid. I would never want to date him. Are you crazy? - Look, Lindsay, if it bothers you... - It doesn't bother me. I just think, you know, you're a DA. I'm a little concerned that, well, him dating a DA. I have concerns for the firm. What? - You have concerns for the firm? - Yeah. Better than when we were in law school and I was about to go out with Robby Winslow. You said you were worried about me catching E. Coli. Case number 32606. Bernard Small. - Possession with intent. - Whoa, that's me. Lindsay Dole for the defendant, Your Honor. Waive reading. Move for a probable cause hearing. Ask for a personal recognizance. Richard Flood for the Commonwealth. Cocaine, street value over 300,000, two prior convictions. - I'm opposed to any bail. - Probable cause tomorrow at 11:00. Bail set at 500,000, 100 bond. Can we get somebody to post it? Yeah, I think so. Listen, this is totally bogus. You know what else is bogus? You telling us you can't pay your legal fees. - I'll get it. - Yeah, you'll get it. You'll have 10,000 in cash tomorrow, or I don't even stand up. We clear? I'll be back in your cell later. You can tell me what happened. Don't tell him. Did you ask for this, or did I just get lucky? Both. - Am I hearing correctly? - We're talking about human life. We are also talking about basic civil liberties, counsel. I can't force medical treatment on a person against her will. If she doesn't have this procedure very soon, the baby will die. - Does the child enjoy any civil rights here...? - There is no baby, there is a fetus. - A viable fetus, nine months in term. - But nevertheless, a fetus which enjoys no constitutional protection until birth. The law says she has no right to abort in the third trimester. That means the courts have recognized that a viable in utero baby has some rights. I would suggest that... Your Honor, the courts draw a big distinction between prohibiting abortion and forcing a C-section on the mother. I'd just like you to hear from the doctor, hear from the parents, then decide... - Your Honor, there is no basis... - A baby is about to die. Can't we just take the time to give it a thought? Well, we can think about it all we want, but the law is not exactly muddy here. He has no paternal rights before birth, and she cannot be forced to have a C-section. There's nothing gray to consider. - Then consider him. - Oh, come on. What, "Oh, come on"? You don't wanna look? Look. All right. I'll listen to what the doctor has to say and I'll hear from the mother. I will listen, but don't expect much. In the meantime, I'm ordering all of you to get together. This isn't something I should be deciding. Do you think I wanted to call a lawyer? What choice did I have? Look, Michael, we're never gonna agree on this. And we will never get over it if... Cynthia, please. I know you think you have this understanding with God. - But I'm begging you. - No. - Can I speak to her alone? - Absolutely not. Why? I can't let you people exert undue influence while I, what, sit idly by in the next... - I've known her for 12 years, we're friends. - I understand that. And there has been an opportunity for friends and family to talk. He'll talk more to her when they go home. But here, now, this is a legal proceeding. I wouldn't be doing my job if I left you alone in the room. The judge ordered us to talk this through. Cindy, you have two other kids. They need this family to hold together. What if something happens to the child? Have you thought about what that can do? God brought my other babies through, and I know he'll be with me here. I believe in God and I believe he gives us free will. He gives you the choice to do what you have to do to save your child. I can't believe that you're siding with Michael on this. I'm not siding with Michael. I'm just... Look, this is not about taking sides at all. I'm having my baby naturally. I'm not having a C-section. So I'm standing on the street. Just talking. You know, right on Beacon. Right? You know? All the beautiful people there. "Hi, how you doing?" They pull up. - The same two policemen? - They're just hanging there. Watching me. Right? So I start to walk. They follow me. - On foot? - In the car, at first. In the car. I'm walking. They're following. I walk faster. They hop out, starting to follow me. Never identified themselves as police officers. Benny, they were in uniform in a marked squad car. I know. You know, it's Halloween. Whatever. What do I know? - I'm giving you something to work with. - See if there's anything in the truth. I'm telling you the truth. That's what I... You know, right? So then they go, "Stop." Which I do. Boom. I stop. They go to frisk me, I take off. I am running. I am running, running. Around the street, up your building, your office. That's what happened. You can't make reasonable suspicion for the search. - You underestimate me. - They had no reason to chase or search him. Even if you make probable cause, you won't get by a suppression. Again, you underestimate me. - Dickie, can I call you Dick? - Cute. There's this new piece of legislation out called the Constitution. - More cute. - I'll win this. - I will. - I got one! State court balanced the rights of the fetus against the rights of the mother determined that an expectant mother in the last weeks of pregnancy lacks the right to refuse medical treatment if the life of the unborn child is at stake, including surgery. - That's the Georgia state court? - Well, it's something. Georgia. That could work against us. Key cite it. It'll kick us up to something bigger. I'll be in the room drafting. Judge Kramer's not gonna want to let this baby die. We have to give him something to hang his right-to-life hat on. - I need that computer, Ellenor. - Here's another one. New Jersey, 1964. Old, but still. State Supreme Court ordered a blood transfusion on a pregnant mother, Jehovah's Witness, to save the baby. Give me the cite, I'll run it. 201 Atlantic 2nd 537, cert. Denied, 371 U.S. 984. You can key cite some of my cases, if you're gonna hog the machine. I'm trying to save a baby here. You're arguing a woman has no right to control over her own body. I am pro-choice. This case is not about pro-choice. Tell that to the mother. - Excuse me? - All right. Let's just do the work. - You're such a feminist. - It isn't that. It's just ordering a surgery on a woman, opening her. Don't you think if a woman agrees to incubate a child she's got some kind of duty towards its safety? - Still... - What "still"? I never bought into that "my body, my rights" stuff. Not completely. If a person wants total dominion over her body she perhaps shouldn't decide to let another person grow inside it. You grow more Republican every day. I'm gonna start calling you Libby. I know what's really bothering you, Lindsay. You get ornery like this every time you have a drug case. Maybe. Ever think of switching sides? - No. - You should. You have a great reputation here as a Constitutional hotshot. If you wanted to become a DA, all you'd have to do is snap your fingers. And I'd get to work with Dickie Flood? You'd get to work against drug dealers instead of for them. I'm serious. This office would love to have you. You should think about it. - What? What's wrong with it? - It's not a costume. It's a tuxedo. It's Dracula for the '90s. - It's a vain Dracula. - Come on, Ellenor. He had big buck fangs, bloody lips and Eddie Munster hairdo. Now, if you are going to be Dracula, be Dracula. - Not JFK Jr. - Lindsay. Be Dracula. Helen will like it if you nibble her neck. - I can't find the citations. - They're in there. - It's 10:00. - You get Benny's money yet? I'll get it. Jimmy, let's go. Hey. You okay? Cindy and I went to a Halloween party once dressed as Siamese frogs. We had to time our hops all night. You feel weird going against her? I'm not against her. I think, since the baby is viable, she has to have the operation. I just don't like a court telling her to do it. The oxygen supply to the placenta is insufficient and it's getting worse every day. Does this condition threaten the baby's survival? That's an understatement. If we don't do a C-section, the baby will probably die. Best-case scenario, brain damage. - You seem pretty certain. - I am. The chances of this baby surviving labor are almost nil. And if it did survive, there would be severe retardation. - A C-section is major surgery, isn't it? - Yes, that's correct. - The recuperation period is longer? - That's correct. There's anesthesia involved. Without a C-section, there's a funeral involved. The baby is... Doctor, a C-section poses a greater threat to Mrs. Randall than natural childbirth, isn't that right? I consider the risk pretty negligible, considering the fact... She's the one being asked to take it. Don't you think she should be the one who decides whether or not to take it? Ordinarily, yes. But the circumstances are far from ordinary. Doctor, you don't contend that Mrs. Randall is incompetent to make the decision? - No, she's competent. - So let's be clear. You're asking this court to override your patient's right to refuse medical treatment. I consider the baby my patient as well. He has two working lungs. He's viable inside the womb. But if we don't get him out fast, he dies. We observed the defendant talking to a known drug user. And given the defendant's own record, we had a reasonable suspicion that a drug transaction could be in progress. - And then what happened? - Well, we continued our surveillance. We then deboarded our unit and approached the defendant at which point, he began to flee. You said you suspected a drug transaction was in progress. - That's correct. - Who was the man my client was talking to? - I don't know his name. - I'm sorry. You said you observed the defendant to be talking to a known drug user. - Known to whom? - We knew his face. - His face. - That's correct. - Not his name? - That's correct. Did you see an exchange of money between my client and this man with the familiar face? - No. We think the transaction was aborted due to our presence at the scene. - Aborted. So it never happened? - We think it was in progress. - Did you see any drugs? - No. - And no money? - No. What did you see to think there was a transaction in progress? As I said, we saw two people with drug histories conversing. That made us suspicious. When you got out of your car, you walked towards him and he walked away. - Right. - Were your guns out? - No, they were not. - You weren't moving in to make an arrest? Not yet, no. And when you said, "Stop," he stopped, didn't he? - Yes. - Then you frisked him. We patted him to make sure he didn't have a weapon. Then he just took off. - What about the guy with the familiar face? - I don't know. - We were in pursuit of your client. - Why didn't you chase the other guy? - It takes two to transact... - Objection. We both chased your guy. And when you caught him, you had your guns out? - Told him to get down on the ground? - Yes. - Searched his body? - Yes. - Ripped open his shirt and found the drugs? - Right. You placed the suspect under arrest before or after the search? After. After we had found the drugs. I'm finding probable cause subject to defendant's motion to suppress. - I'll hear arguments tomorrow at 10:00. - Okay. Dismiss it right now, we'll waive our civil claim. I'd respond, but you're probably wearing a wire. I have never seen you better. Gee, that hurts my feelings. How did we do? Don't think we'll win, but on appeal, we're strong. - I was never so good on search and seizure. - You'll never be a drug lawyer, then. Too bad. Listen, I got the invite to Scott Hamburg's party. - You? - He was my pro-row professor in school. Anyway, I'm between relationships. And just as friends, nothing more, I thought you might wanna go. I promise not to dream about it after. Is there any reason I could give you that would be satisfactory? There's none I've been able to give my husband. I understand, Mrs. Randall. I, too, am a man of faith, a man of God, but... Your Honor, I know this is a difficult case. But it isn't a function of the court to examine her faith but rather to ascertain whether she is acting out of that faith. Oh, I get that, counsel. But I'm at a loss as to how a person would be willing to lose a child acting out of any faith. Accuse me of whatever you want, but don't accuse me of not wanting my baby. All right. You aren't arguing any incompetency here, are you? - No, Your Honor. - All right. All the facts are in. Given that we have rights to privacy and religious arguments the only ruling I can be sure of is that this should not be left to a superior court judge. These are issues best suited to our appeals court. So I'm certifying you to go upstairs and argue it. - That's not good? - Not really. Appeals court will follow the law, which is on your wife's side. - That judge was our best chance. - And he chickened out. He kicked us to appeals. How we doing on those briefs? I have calls into the lawyers. I'm trying to get copies. I don't mean to keep sounding off alarm bells, but we're out of time. We got a day, maybe two, before oxygen stops getting to the brain. Anything we could show to say she's crazy? That way, we could get you appointed as guardian. - Then you could consent to the cesarean. - She's willing to risk the baby's survival. Isn't that crazy enough? No. Does she walk around talking to herself? Anything? Do you want me to make something up? No. Okay. We got two issues. Right to refuse treatment, I'll take that one. You take freedom of religion. Bec, if you could get those briefs. I'd like you to come with us to appeals. Your presence makes a statement. I'll be there. - Do you want me to get it out or not? - Just don't enjoy it. Okay, so basically, you're going to this party to spy on me. Not basically. Exactly. Oh, that's it. Right there. You're on it. All right, give me something. Well, for one thing, don't wait for him to make a move. He's a lot more shy than you'd think. If I were you, I'd just pull him into an empty room and plant one on him. Oh, right. You know, he can be a little stuffy. Loosen him up. You'll have more fun. Just don't slip any drugs into his wine, pursuant to office policy. You want me to prosecute Kelton, just say the word. Did you think about what we talked about yesterday? Me being a DA? How much are you making right now? Well, it's not so much the pay cut as... You know, since I get paid in drug money, I don't declare it. Really, aren't you more of a prosecutor at heart? - Do you like defending these creeps? - No. But defending the drug creeps is just, you know, the bread and butter that pays the rent, and that allows us to do the more important cases. You mean the murderers? Exactly. God. It's funny when you think about how we ended up. I mean, in college, you were always the stone-crusher. I was the one getting the guys off. Okay, we got Nolan, Wang and Strickler. - Not the most liberal of judges. - We don't want liberal, we want Bible belt. You want judges liberal-minded enough to carve out new law. You being a woman, I would seriously suggest that you lead the charge. We got it covered. We're gonna split it up. - It doesn't look too good, does it? - No. You worried about after, you and Cindy? You two have a great marriage. What's this going to do? It's a little hard to worry about that now. You have two other kids. Shouldn't be hard to worry about them. You think I should just let it be? No. I don't think Cindy would mind losing. I know she won't go back on what she believes. But if the court would force it she could have the baby and wouldn't have to renounce... - Could you get her to admit that? - To me? Bec, she can't even admit it to herself. Thanks for helping us, Bec. These lawyers here, you know, they seem pretty good. Oh, yeah. They're very good. Here's eight. I'll get you the other two, all right? Eight thousand? I said 10. - I'll get you the other two. - No. You owe me more than that. - I'll get it to you. - Okay, we all set? Just do what you got to do. Your Honor, at this time, I'd like to withdraw as counsel. - I told you I'd get it. - Give it to me. - I don't have it. Would you relax? - I'd like to withdraw immediately. Approach. Your Honor... Lindsay, can I talk to you, please, for a second? What's the matter with her? - What's going on? - Money. He won't pay. I've warned him over and over. - Mr. Small, stand up. - Yes, right. Why won't you pay your counsel? I have it, but I'm a little strapped for cash right now, Your Honor, on my person. Right? If I'd been able to sell my cocaine, but the police took it... Yes, it's awful when that happens. But since you posted bail, I'm gonna make a wild assumption that you can pay your lawyer. Now, we'll adjourn for an hour. Get the money, or I'll let her withdraw. Thank you, Your Honor. I appreciate that. Why do you handle such jerks? It's her body, her right, but the right isn't absolute. Third-trimester abortions are illegal, so at some point the government does legislate dominion over a woman's body. - A difference between prohibiting abortion and ordering intrusive major surgery. Calling it a fetus or unborn, that helps, doesn't it? If you don't have to think of him as a baby, a fetus is a nice clinical word. - Forced medical care. - Saving human life. - He's alive. - Fundamental, individual liberty. - He will die. - Invading her body. He will die. - Last chance. - Thanks for the warning. Hold on. Drop the intent, go with simple possession. Six months suspended. - That much cocaine, I'm gonna drop intent? - That cocaine won't be coming in. - Right, I forgot. - Fine. But don't be claiming unfair surprise when I bring up the Fourth Amendment. Where was the reasonable suspicion? His criminal record? The police automatically have a right to suspect anybody who has a conviction? It was two drug dealers talking. Who's the other guy? They couldn't come up with a name. - They pursued Benny Small only. - And he ran. - After they frisked him for drugs. - A weapon. - Right. - Your Honor the police saw what they thought to be criminal activity. They had a reasonable suspicion that the suspect might be armed. When they proceeded to pat him down, he took off. But I have to ask, what was the initial suspicion based on? Seeing him talk to somebody? Well, obviously, the suspicion turned out to be reasonable because it turned out to be right. He had drugs. Yes, as hunches go, it was tremendous. But as reasonable suspicions go, they didn't act legally. Your Honor, that man had over $300,000 worth of narcotics on his person. - What more can I say? - Mr. Flood, I'm concerned. What did they see but two people, with drug histories, having a conversation? - Your Honor, that is enough. - Not to me. Case dismissed. Yes! You should have seen her. It wasn't even close. - And he paid? - He paid. Listen to you guys. You got a drug dealer off. We successfully defended the Constitution with the spirit of our Founding Fathers. Speaking of which... This is your date, Helen? I guess that explains things. Everything except how you passed the bar. Enjoy the night. But you taking drug money? The RICO charges are being drafted as we speak. - Beat it, Dickie. - Dickie. That's really funny. Think of that off the top of your head? Go ahead. Give me an excuse. I'll knock those bifocals down your throat. - Bugs, Bugs, come on. - Walk away, Dickie. What is that guy's problem? Nine-thirty. They promised they'd come back tonight. It's getting close to being too late already. Cynthia, I should do another ultrasound, regardless, see what's going on. Okay. Tonight? Well, if not tonight, first thing tomorrow. - Cynthia, as someone who cares for you... - Doctor, please. They're coming back in. You know, you're putting yourself in the soup, being seen with me. - I like soup. The hotter the better. - I'll try to remember that. I would've got you some, but I only had two paws. - Where's Lindsay? - I don't know, she took off. Maybe she went to dance with Ben Franklin. What? - Where were we? - Nice party? Helen. Of Troy, I guess. - Oh, Scott, you know Bobby Donnell? - Yes, we've met before. - You've been a little bit of a nemesis lately. - Well, we try to do the job. Your firm seems to be growing. I just bumped into a chubby rabbit who says he works for you. Yeah, Jimmy Berluti. He's a good lawyer. - It's a good firm. - Yes, it must be. I hear enough griping about it. Anyway, thank you for coming. My pleasure. Well, I can't think of a tougher case, emotionally, than this one. The application of freedom is sometimes painful. There is nothing more sacred to individual liberty than the individual's right to possession and control over his or her own person. Even so, it is the unanimous wish of this court, Mrs. Randall that you save your child. However, for us to order you to do so would be repugnant to our Constitution and to your freedom. A competent woman's choice to refuse medical treatment must be honored. The plaintiff's motion is denied. We're adjourned. You poor martyrs! How heroic of you to stand up for our Constitution. The law was supposed to protect the weak. That baby is a human being and your defense of our hallowed Constitution amounts to murder! That's a high price to pay for freedom, you heroes! Bobby? Last night at the party, I felt like a criminal. I mean, not that I listened to Dick Flood, but let's face it, I'm a drug lawyer. I'll see what I can do. I've picked up six new clients in the last month. They love my work. Hell, I'm good at it. If I don't stop, we could all start getting rich and then I'll never be able to stop. - You okay? - Me? Why? You've been acting a little strange. Did something happen? Your friend Helen. How well do you know her? - What'd she do? - Is she a promiscuous person? Oh, Bobby, did she kiss you? I told her to kiss you! No, she didn't kiss me. I didn't give her a chance to kiss me. - Where's Rebecca? - She said she'd be back by lunch. - She went to the doctor with the Randalls. - Maybe we could get in with the SJC. - It's worth a try. - It's over, Ellenor. - What? - What, you think it's funny? Bobby, she... Sometimes, she likes to shock. - "Likes to shock"? - Come on. What is this, girls will be girls? If I did that, I'd get sued. She can be wild. Did it really upset you? - Is he okay? - He seems so. But the situation hasn't changed. - Laurie, could you tell Rebecca to come in? - Sure. He's really moving around in there. - I can't feel anything. - That's because I numbed you up, Cindy. Hey, is it okay? - Hi. - Hi. Rebecca, if I could record this and bring it to a judge I mean, how can he deny that that's a person? It's over, Robert. I mean, at least in the court. All we can do now is hope that Cindy is right, and God will somehow... He will. The only way for God to save this baby is for him to change your mind. - Oh, stop it. - Just look at that screen. Look at your child. - For his sake, for God's sake. - Stop it! - That's enough, Robert. - Please. I'm almost done. Go ahead, stand up there. Hold your wife's hand. I guess I'm just too emotional for this kind of work. Now, Rebecca, for Michael's protection I want you to know that he doesn't know what's going on here. - What are you doing? - Just relax. Doctor, what are you doing? - Dr. Larson? - What's going on? - Dr. Larson? - Bring that tray. - What for? What's happening? - And, Michael, Cynthia, congratulations. You are the parents of a beautiful baby boy. - What have you done to me? - Suction. - What have you done? - Oh, my God. Another towel, please. Thank you. - There you are. Yes. - What have you done? Yes. Hold your son, Cynthia. - Hey. - You grabbed his... Are you insane? - Of course I am. Where is he? - In his office. Did I go too far? Well, he was acting so stiff, I figured a part of him might as well be. Bobby, got a second? Yeah. I'm sorry. Sorry? If I did that, I'd be brought up on harassment. Yeah, well, sometimes, the double standard cuts our way. Look, I suppose you're wondering, does she go around fondling genitalia all the time? I don't. I like you. I just tried to shock you a little. I'm thrilled that you're a prude, actually. Let's face it, I think we both work hard, we both get lost in our cases. I thought we needed something other than our jobs to talk about. That's your explanation? That you were giving us something to talk about? Well, here's my home phone number. I made the first move, but at heart, I'm a traditional girl. So the ball's in your court. She's already admitted, they'll take her right to her room. And Laurie will go with you with the baby. I don't know if I agree with what you did, but... - Go. Be with your wife and son. - Hey. - You're a criminal. - Technically, maybe. No, really. You took a knife and cut into a woman. A woman who's the most grateful of all of us now. That doesn't matter. She refused. - You took a scalpel and you cut into... - To rescue a baby. You think you're some kind of hero. You committed assault and battery. - Well, go to the police, Rebecca. - You know what? How dare you? How dare you? I wanted that baby to be safe just as much as you! But you took a knife and you put it into her! - And I'd do it again! - No, you won't! I will see to that! Let me tell you something. She's bonding with that baby already. She will not report this, because all that will do will disrupt their lives and put a microscope into a baby's life... That's what you're counting on? That they won't report you? Don't count on me! - I did what I had to do. - And so will I. He did what? He gave her a spinal under some pretense. - She couldn't feel what he... - Wait, he just gave her a cesarean? All of a sudden, it was out, there. He was holding it in his hands. He cut her and took him out, the cord... - Where are they now? - At the hospital at Brigham. - And the baby's okay? - Fine. Everybody's fine. - I'm going to go see. - Yeah, I'm going too. I'm going to the police. That's gonna cause a lot of consequences and who's it gonna help? Lt'll help the next woman. Eugene, I can't believe what I just saw! Just think on this some. That's all. - I'm looking for Lindsay Dole. - I'm Lindsay Dole. Ms. Dole? Jason Swoboda. I've been referred to you by some friends and I was wondering if... What friends? Well, Benny Small, for one. I'm a businessman. And some of the people who work for me... I'm sorry, Mr. Swoboda, I'm not really taking on new clients. I don't have an actual case for you now. I was just hoping, you know, maybe to put you on retainer. Sometimes, as I'm sure you know, things happen quickly. I've had bad luck receiving payments from people in your business... I'll give you a retainer. Well, I would need a retainer of at least $40,000 before I'd even consider it. Here's my pager number. Benny already gave me yours. Thank you. - Hey. - Hey, Eugene. Ellenor. - Oh, he's beautiful. - Yeah, yeah. I heard what happened. - Are you okay with it? - I don't know. I guess things happen for a reason and... I don't know. Sheila? Come see my boy. - Oh, he is gorgeous. - Yeah. What? - How did...? - I just changed my mind. We just want to be left alone now, Sheila. No more attention, okay? Sure. - Hey, how about dinner? - Tonight? Now? Well, you know, it's late and I figure you gotta eat. Are you sure? You're not afraid of me? - I'm not afraid of you. - You're sure? I'm not afraid of you. Okay. Truth is, dates scare me. Especially the first-kiss part. Okay, glad that's over with. - You are afraid. - I'm not afraid. Let's go. Lucky for you, I lead. Welcome to Sheffield! The beating heart of Britain's industrial North! The jewel in Yorkshire's crown is home to over half a million people, and thousands more flock here daily to shop and to work. All this is built on Sheffield's primary industry, steel. The city's rolling mills, forges, and workshops employ some 90,000 men and state-of-the-art machinery to make the world's finest steel. From high-tensile girders to the stainless cutlery for your dining table. But it's not all hard work for the people of Steel City. They can spend the day lounging by the pool, watching one of our top soccer teams, or browsing in the shops. But when the sun goes down, the fun really starts in the city's numerous nightclubs and discotheques. Yes, Yorkshire folk know how to have a good time! And it's good times for the city's housing, too! Sheffield leads the way in town planning. Victorian slums have been cleared to make way for the homes of the future. Thanks to steel, Sheffield really is a city on the move! Gaz, who's gonna buy a rusty girder? - Come on. - Dad, it's stealing! No, it's liberating, love. Liberating. Gaz, hang on. Ten years we worked in here. Now look. - What if we get caught? - You don't get a record till you're 16. - Just don't tell your mum. - Hey, listen. Music. Bloody hell! - What are they doing? - It's the works band. It's still going. About only thing round here that is. 'Ey up! Security guards back. "Won't take a minute," he says. "Won't take a minute." Now what? Shut up. I'm thinking. Cam we do normal things sometimes? This is normal! Isn't it, Dave? Oh, aye. Everyday stuff, this. I think this bugger's sinking. Pick it up, and try and slide it across other side. That's it. Oh, fucking hell, Nathe! They're 20 quid each, them! That were your bloody maintenance! - Oh, shit. - Oh, nice one. Nathe! Nathan! - Fucking hell! - Come 'ere, come 'ere! Jesus! Stay still. Stay still, stay still. All right. What's your initiative got to say about this, then, bog eyes? 'Ey up, there's someone coming. - All right? - Aye, not so bad. "Not so bad"? "Not so bad"? That's not much of a chuffing SOS! All right, don't get a benny on. Shit! Me jeans are bloody soaking! You should have taken your kit off. - What's up? Are you shy? - Don't! Shut it, all right? 'Ey up. Dave. - All right, babe? - Dad! What do you reckon, Dave? Eight? Maybe even a nine. You can never tell till you see their tits. Dad! - What's all this? - It's them Chippendale efforts. You what? Them dancers. Mum were going on about it. Oh, you're joking! She must be getting desperate. - You all waiting for me, then? - Yeah! To go home. You know where to find me when you tire of them poofs. - Dad! - Come on, Gaz, I'm freezing. "Women only"? Cheeky buggers! It's a bloody working-men's club! I mean, look at the state of that! What have you got to smile about? He's got no willy, for starters. Nowt in a gym'll help you there, mate! No decent woman would be seen dead in there. Jean would. Oh, Dave, what's going on? It's her money, innit? Fucking hell! You'll let some poof wave his tackle at your missis? Where's your pride? She's already got you hoovering! I saw it and I let it go! But this? No, no, no. - Get her out of there. - It's women only. Hurry up, will you? Me feet have gone numb. That's gratitude for you! We're riding into Alley of Death for you, you fat git. It's not my fault I can't fit through. Right, then. I'll wait 'ere and keep guard. Find Auntie Jean and tell her Uncle Dave wants a word outside. - Do I have to? - Good kid. On you go. Off! Off! Off! I'm not waiting in that bloody queue. I always wanted a nosy in the men's toilets. Phwoar! Them bloody muscles! It's not their bodies, Bee. It's what they do with 'em. I don't know what you're worrying about, with you-know-who on your tail. Frankie! Do you want my body? Frank don't fancy me and I don't fancy Frank, right? So give over! Do you think he might, though? No. Couldn't do that to Dave. Not even if I wanted to. But... you know' it's like he's given up. Work. Me. Everything. Ah, love. 'Ere, love. This'll cheer you up. I weren't in Girl Guides for nowt! Gaz! Gaz! That were our Jean, weren't it? No, no. Just a couple of old tarts. I'm going back in for Nathe. You're in big trouble. What about Auntie Jean? Auntie Jean's busy. I don't feel well. Of course you don't! You've got a hangover. Take a day off. Stay at home. Your house is messy. And it's cold. Come down job club. That'll be a right laugh. Mum's house is always warm. I can't always have the red carpet out for you. Anyway, it's not your mum's house. It's whatshisname... Barry's. Tell you what. Next weekend I'll have a big tidy round. I promise! Even go and see a footie game. - Yeah? - Yeah. Sunday League down the park. There's some right good players. United are playing Man U, aren't they? You know I cant stretch to that. You're always making me do stupid stuff like last night. Other dads don't do that. Don't they? - Aye. - Aye. Nathe! We could try and sneak into Man U. Terry said... No! All right! I'll... I'll get tickets! I will! Ooh! Aah! Cantona! Has to wear a girlie bra! We'll stuff 'em, Nathe. Fuck! I want the application letters finished by the time I get back. Any problems, I'm outside. I tell you, when women start pissing like us, that's it. We're finished, Dave. Extincto. Yeah, I mean... How? You know... - How? - Genetic mutations. They're turning into us. A few years and men won't exist. Except in a zoo or summat. We're not needed no more, are we? Obsolete. Dinosaurs. Yesterday's news. Like skateboards. Button it! Some of us are trying to get a job. And it says no smoking in 'ere. Aye, and it says job club up there. When did you last see one of them walk in? You forget, Gerald, you're not our foreman now. You're just like the rest of us. - Scrap. - Shut it, right? Hang on, though. Why were all them women int' working-mews club int' first place? Now then! Cos of us. Men. You call them Chippendales men? Degrading, that's what it were. How many lassies were there, though? Thousands. Baying for blood. Ten quid to watch some fucking poof get his kit off! Ten quid! Times ten quid by a thousand, right? And you've got... Yeah, well, a lot. A very lot. 10,000 quid. - How much? - 10,000 quid. 'Ey, now, Dave, I mean... It's worth a thought, though, innit? Little And Large prancing round Sheffield with their widgers out! That would be worth ten quid! Don't be so bloody daft. We were just saying... - Widgers on parade! Bring a microscope! - I don't see why the chuff not! Because you're fat and he's thin, and you're both fucking ugly. Bastard! What's all this about sole custody? You know what. If you want joint custody, you pay your share. 700 quid. I'm ont' dole, in case you hadn't noticed! - Get a job! I'll gi' you a job! - £2.50 an hour in Black Hole of Calcutta! No, thank you. If you want to play your games, do that, but Nathan's gonna have two parents now. And your live-in lovers gonna do that? Abracadabra, here he is! Evening, Barry. That'll be for t'court to decide. No, it won't. Nathan's yours and mine. He's fuck-all to do with him! - As if you've ever given a toss. - Face it. He don't like staying at yours. Course he bloody does! Ask him! Ask him! Oi, Nathe! We have a laugh, don't we? - Gary! Don't! - Is he in? Is he in? Nathe! He can't hear you through your... triple bloody glazing. He can hear all right. This... This is all wrong, this is. It's all to fucking cock. I'm his dad, and you... You're nobody. Goodnight, Gary. Night, Nathe! See you, kid! No. Not doing it. - I'm not stripping. - They're taking him away. All I need is 700 quid and they've got nowt on me. - Gaz, no. - Dave, he's me kid! I suppose there's nicking cars. - No! - Well, then? Look, I'll help' all right? I'm running, aren't I? But I'm taking nowt off. Final. Come on, Dave. Don't stop now. - Keep up, you fat bastard! - Gazza, you tosser! Do you need a hand? Yeah, it's your HT leads, I reckon. Give it a go at that. Didn't you work at Harrisons afore it shut down? Ah! I thought I clocked you! I were ont' floor with Gaz. Him up the road. How's it going, then? You got any work? No, there's not a lot about. Well, like I say, get some new ones when you can. No, no, my chuffing pleasure! Dave? - Are you all right, kid? - You bastard! 'Ey! 'Ey! You could shoot yoursen. Where's he gonna find a gun from round 'ere? You wanna find yourself a big bridge. Yeah. Like one of them bungeejumps, only without the bungee bit. I can't stand heights, me. Drowning. Now there's a way to go. I can't swim. You don't have to fucking swim, you divvy. That's the point. You're not very keen, are you? Sorry. I know. Stand in the middle of froad and get a mate to drive smack into you right fast. Haven't got any mates. We just saved your fucking life, so don't tell us we're not your mates! - Yeah? - Yeah, me an' all. I'd run you down soon as look at you. Oh, cheers. Ta. Thanks a lot. - What are you doing, Mum? - Where have you been? Driving. - Driving where? - Just driving. I thought you'd gone. Security guard in 'ere? No wonder he wants to kill himself. Well, at least one bloke got a job out of this place being shut down. What did you tell him for, anyroad? The kid's a nutter. He's a bugle player. Could come in right handy. Might need a bit of music. He's got a car. Somewhere to practice. Besides, it's good whatsitsname for the lad... Therapy. Oh, aye! Jiggling about in the buff. Therapy! I tell you, he won't be the only one trying to top himself if you carry on wi' this caper. Dad, I'm hungry. 'Ey up! 'Ey! Lomper! - Where's me rice? - Try the cylinder head... tubby. I don't like Chinese. 'Course you do... Don't you? - Let's see his records. - What have we got, Dave? "The Floral Dance." - "Marching With Hepworth"? - Jesus Christ! Ah, Hot Chocolate! Now we're talking! I believe in miracles Since you came along You sexy thang. Stick it on, Daverimo! I'm there. Dad! Dad, don't. It's all right, Nathan. It's right, is this. I've seen 'em do it. - Good evening, shoppers... - Dave! All right, all right. "You Sexy Thing." One, Mo... - I need an audience. - You need a doctor. I tell you, there's summat up wi' that kid. - Did you check the whole top end? - Yeah! There's no point. He went out. - You what? - I seen him go. There's the beggar. Oi, Nathe! Nathan! Nathan. Hell-fire! - What are you doing out here, kid? - Nov-vi. Walking home. It's miles home! You know that! Why did you run off like that? You're embarrassed, aren't you? You think your own dad's a dickhead. We're not doing this for a laugh, you know. I'm trying to get some brass together so as you and me can keep seeing each other. They're trying to stop us, you see. Oh, well, I may as well not bother. Except I'm your dad. It counts for something, don't it? I like you. I love you, you bugger. All right, kid? - All right? - Yeah. You nutter. - Well, you said dancing. - It were a great idea, kid. Just not the right sort of dancing. Gaz! 'Ey, look 'ere. Oh, my God! Gerald, me lad, you're gonna be famous down job club. He's not bad for a bastard, is he? He's dead, that's what he is. You said you wanted a dance teacher. Gerald? Go get chuffed! He'd tell every bugger! We'd be laughed out of Sheffield. 'Ey up, lads. Bandits at six o'clock. Ah, come in, Torvill. Park your sequins over 'ere. - You've had your laugh. Now piss off. - It's a free country. - You were rather good. Nifty footwork. - Gerald! Oh, hello. - Gerald, you're missing the rumba. - Sorry, I just met some pals from... work. - Not thinking of joining our class? - Funny you should mention it... - I think we'd better be getting back now. - Well, goodnight. You get back to your rumba. See you later, Gerald. At work. He's got gnomes. Aye, he bloody would have. Things looking up? You know, love, I think they just might be. Good. You've been working too hard. You should let a colleague do the lion's share for a change. - I wish you'd be firmer, Gerald. - Oh, well. Mustn't be late. - So it's all right if I... - Oh, Linda, love... Oh, don't be so mean! Things are looking up. You said so. You'll love skiing. Linda... It don't matter. Bye. 'Ey, Gaz. - Off to the office, Torvill? - Yes, I bloody am! Put that back. Put it back! See that? Interview. In the bloody bag. Mate from Harrisons. I could do the job standing on me head. I won't have to look at your ugly mugs again. - Come on, we just need some help. - Sorry. There's nothing I can do to help you. Just wanna know about dancing. Dancers have coordination, skill, timing, fitness and grace. Take a long hard look in the mirror. Now, I'm busy. Don't be late for job club, lads. Bastard! Starting at £16,000, plus the pension scheme. It'll be a relief to get back to work. It's not been an easy six months. I'm up to date with the latest industry developments, and I've kept meself... busy, you know. Well, all the qualifications are there, obviously. And we go back further than I care to remember. Sorry? What we're asking, Gerald, is... after such a long lay-off, do you think you're up to the job? You...! - Bastard! - Fucking hell! 'Ey, Gerry, mate... - You didn't get it, then? - Get out the way! Come 'ere! Bastard! That were mine, that job! You don't give a toss! You're kids! It's different for me! I've got a standard of living! Responsibilities! I were on me way up! I am on me way up! It were me first interview in months! I could've got me first month's in advance. She'd never have known. Now what? She's still got credit cards, you know. She's out there now, ont' High Street, with a fucking MasterCard, spending! Why can't you just tell her? How can I tell her after six months? A woman who wants to go skiing for us holidays! Skiing, for fuck's sake! Why did you do it? It was my job! It had to be my... job! Cam you just leave me alone? We stuck it with superglue. You can't hardly see t'join. - Go on. - Oh, yeah. We got this int' jumble, like, to say sorry. Wheels go round and everything. It's for your gnomes, really. Not you. I... I don't know... It's marvelous, this. We were thinking... you can maybe put it next to... wishing well. Make a bit of a... - Feature. - Yeah. What do you reck? Ta, lads. Ta very much. Cigarette me, for fucks sake. Think any of them could dance? You're not still on about this Chippendales malarkey, are you? A Yorkshire version. Them buggers can, we bloody can. - You can't dance. - We know, Gerald. - Gaz, niner on its way. - Why do you think we're trailing you? It's not my kind of dancing. It's all arse wiggling. I've got a degree in arse wiggling, mate. You learn us dancing, I'll learn you the rest. Gerald, for once, I'm dead serious. I need your help. What if someone spots me? What if Linda finds out? I've got standing, me. You've an overdraft an' all. I'm sorry. Sorry. I thought I'd give it a go. I got a bit desperate. You know how it is. I can't even take my kit off properly, can I? You're all right, Reg. There's some tea if you like. No, thanks. The kids are outside. Bring 'em in. No. This is no place for kids. This is crazy. So, it's Mr. Horse. Horse. Yeah, well... Just a minute. Mr. Horse. My colleagues on the panel... Ask him why he's called the Horse. You bloody ask him! It's not cos he does the Grand National. That's all very well, but a big wanger is no use if you need a zimmer frame to tout it in. I mean, he must be 50 if he's a day. So, Horse, what can you do? Dunno, really. Let's see, there's the... There's the bump. The stomp. The bus stop. Me breakdancing days are probably over. - But I do the funky chicken. - Now you're talking! - All of 'em? - Well, yeah. I think so. Well, it's been a while, mind. And I've got this dodgy hip. Yeah. Well, stick it on, Nathe. Do your worst, pal. My favorite film's "Singing Int' Rain". That walking-up-wall thing is ace! He knows me. He plastered our bathroom a while back. - Get rid of him. - You'll be fine. - He'll blow my cover. - Shut up! - What walking-up-wall thing? - I'll show you. I'm Donald O'Connor, right? That's the wall. Oh, well... It's better than that in the film, you know. So... you don't sing? No. - You don't dance? - No. Hope you don't think I'm being nosy, but... what do you do? Well... There is... this. Gentlemen, the lunchbox... has landed. Chuffing Nora! All right, Gerald? I didn't see you! I did his bathroom. Hello, Guy. Nathe... Nathan! - I say, Jean! - Yeah? Ever been out with a black bloke? - You know I haven't, Dave. - But... if you were ont' lookout for a new fella, right? If you were, just saying, would you think about it? What's got into you? No, would you, though? I might do. Yeah. Is that all right? - So it's true. - I've bloody had enough of this. What's true? What they say about black blokes. They've got great bodies and that. Some of 'em. Yeah. And? Nothing. David... I don't care if they're black, white, or bloody rainbow-colored. I'm married 10 you. Remember? Yeah. Night. Why would I want anyone else? Big man. Jeanie, I'm all in. It's amazing how tiring it is doing nowt, you know. They're just messing, Dave. - Do you reckon? - 'Course! Just Jean, innit? - Got any of them mint chocolate jobs? - You're on a diet. - Don't you start an' all. - How much you got, then? 22... 27 pence. £4.99, special offer. We're still a fucking fiver short. You know what this means, Dave? Oh, no! Come on, Gaz. Why me? You've got an innocent face. I've got serial killer written on mine. If you won't dance, you can do something useful. Jean'll throw an eppy! She's only over there! She's miles away! See you later. Good luck. - Give us a pear drop, you. - They're not paid for. Hey, what's this? I didn't go on the nick in Asda for some chuffing women's DIY video. It's Flashdance, Dave. She's a welder. I hope she dances better than she welds! - Look at that! Her mix is all to cock. - Shut up, Dave. - What do you know about welding? - More than some chuffing woman! It's like Bonfire Night. Too much acetylene. Them joints won't hold fuck all. For Christ's sake, we're looking for dancing. He's got the hump about Asda. 'Ey, cop a load of that. What did I tell you? She's nifty on her pins. That, gentlemen, is what we are looking for. Oh, aye. I can just see him doing all that twizzling-about bollocks. It's souped-up tango, is that. Teach any bugger in a week. Even you, mate. Even a fat bastard like me? Yeah, I know what I am, so don't take the piss. All right. Two weeks. Straight up. I dunno, Gaz. Jean reckons... I should take that security-guard job at Asda. Jesus! Security? You're worth more than that. She don't think so. I reckon summat's going on with her and that bloke. The juggling bugger? No. No way. It's not as if I'd blame her. You could show her, Dave. Nobody tells them Chippendales to do security. Raking it in, they are! Two weeks. That's what the man said, and he's not taking the piss. Aye, it's a thought. It's more than a thought. Think of Jean's face when she sees you dancing like Flashdance. Two weeks? Just like flashy tits? It's what your man said. 'Ey... loan weld better than her an' all. Stop! No, no! Stop! Stop! - What? - You stay still! And you... go forward, OK? - OK. - All right, Nathan. No, no, no! Jesus Christ! All I want to do is get you in a straight bloody line! What do I have to do? It's the Arsenal offside trap, isn't it? - You what? - The Arsenal offside trap. Lomper here is Tony Adams, right? Any bugger looks like scoring, we all step forward in a line and wave our arms around like a fairy. That's easy. OK! Nathan! Ref! Perfect. Perfect. Well, you should have said. Come on. Get in quick, and wipe your boots. - Put that back. You'll break it. - I'm just looking. Bit posh, innit? Right, then. - Are we right? - Right for what? Taking us kit off. I thought you were turning me into a fancy dancer. Ladies, we are strippers, aren't we? What, here? Now? In this house? - This is a good area, this is. - Gaz... I dunno. If we can't get us kit off in front of ourselves, what chance have we got in front of lasses? Tops off. Come on! Well, no looking. And no laughing, you bastards. I used to have a proper job, me. I ask you, what are we doing? What are we doing? And the kecks. - Horse by name, horse by nature, eh? - Oh, shut it, you! - How come you're so brown? - No reason. - Someone's got a sunbed, Gerald! - It's Linda's, and no, you bloody can't! What am I gonna do about this? It's not too bad. From the front, like. Fat, David, is a feminist issue. What's that supposed to mean? I don't bloody know, do I? But it is. I try dieting. I do try! It seems I've spent most of me fucking life on a diet! The less I eat, the fatter I get. - So stuff yourself and get thin. - Oh, shut up, saggy tits! They're not. A mate of Linda's had this plastic stuff put on her at this health club. She lost stones. Il were like magic. Oh, what's it called? Anyway, it's like clingfilm. - I've heard of that. - Clingfilm? I'm not a chicken drumstick, Gerald. - You wrap it round, reduce the fat... - She swears by it! - You can't just take stuff. - Sorry, mate. But I only owe him 120 quid. - That's all these'll fetch second-hand. - They're not second-hand. They are now, mate. - Put down and piss off. - Fucking hell! I think there's been a mistake. We'll check with the office. - Cheers, lads. - It's not bad, this stripping lark. Dave and Lomps, up the wing. One, two, three, four. Left touchline, three, four. Right touchline, three, four. Offside trap. One, two, Three, four. Now the belt, three. Now the shoes, three, four. Now the socks... - Hang on, I can't... - Carry on! - That were crap. - Give us a chance! I bet even Madonna has difficulty with her shoes. - You could've had me eye out! - Sorry. What are you doing? They're borrowed! We can use 'em for the show. It's what them Chippendales do. They put Velcro down the side, and then... All is revealed. I'll sew 'em back up. Where did you learn to be an ace sewer? Prison. Cheers, Nathe. Come on, Al, it's me! Which is precisely why it's 100 quid up front. Half-price. If I give you t'club for nowt and you don't turn up, I've got an empty bar on a Friday night. 'Course we'll turn up! I haven't got 100 quid! If you tell me what you're up to, it might help. I can't. it's top-secret. Sorry... - All right, love? - Hi, Mum. - What do you want? - All right, Mand? I'm gonna get you all your money. Our money. Nathan's. You know, for definite this time. - Yeah, right. That all? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, no. The thing is, Mand, you have to speculate to accumulate, in business. I'm not sure I'm hearing this. I'll get you it all. I just need a tiny bit. - You want some money? - Yeah! Right. I need someone int' packing section. £2.50 an hour. You can start now, if you like. Are you coming? Come on, Dad. Nathan. You can't do this, kid. It's your savings. I can. I just need your signature. It says int' book. I'd like to take my money out, please. Well, you bloody well can't. - You're all right, love. It's sorted. - It's my money! £100, please. When you're 18, you can walk in and get it yourself. - You said you'd get it back. - I know! But you don't want to listen to what I say. You said so. I believe you. You do? Yeah. Blimey, Naihe! Come on, come on! One, two! And one for luck! Yeah! It's not straight, Lomps. Give over, it's only a poster. Christ al-bloody-mighty! All right, sweethearts? Gary the lad! What are you up to, then, shifty? Bit of this, bit of that, bit of the other. - Just advertising for some mates. - Oh, aye. And who's gonna come and see your mates? We had the real thing up here the other day. Well, us mates are better. - Better? How's that, then? - Well... This lot go all the way. - Don't they, lads? - The full monty? You lot? Hell-fire! That would be worth a look! - See you there, then. - Ta-ra. - Keep your hair on. - No way. No and never. In that order, kid. Excuse me, no-one said anything to me about the full monty. You heard 'em. We've gotta give them more than your average ten-bob stripper. - Yeah, but... me willy. I mean to say... - Your willy? - My willy! - A laughing stock. Totally! Well, they're coming! With a pair of scissors! They know it's us. By closing time, every bugger in Sheffield will know it's us whether we do it or not. We can forget it, go back to fucking job club, or do it and just maybe get rich. And I tell you, folks don't laugh so loud when you've a grand in your pocket. Now, are you in... or are you out? ...all sorts of problems for drivers on the Pennines. So, please avoid the area if possible. The good news is that the outlook for the rest of the week is much better, with the storms clearing to leave the weekend warm and sunny. Now, back to the music. Here's another disco classic from the 70s. It's Donna Summer with... "Hot stuff". No. Gerald, come on, mate. Just an hour! You've got some fit birds in there. Nah. Tits are too big. Yeah? Didn't know they would be. Anti-wrinkle cream. Can fellas use this an' all? Do you mind, you! Well, I just pray they're a bit more understanding about us, that's all. You what? They're gonna be looking at us like that. What if, next Friday, 400 women say: "He's too fat, he's too old, and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser." - They wouldn't. - Why not? He said her tits are too big. That's different. We're... blokes. Yeah. And? I think she's got nice tits. I never said owt about her personality. She's probably quite nice. They won't say nowt about your personality. Which is good cos you're a bastard. Bollocks to your personality! This is what they're looking at. And I tell you summat, mate. Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream, there is none. Here... lads. Oh, mother! Bloody hell! Gaz said he wanted something a bit flashy. - It's top of the range. Real leather. - Yeah, but... - You don't get much. - What day is it? - Monday. - When are we on? Friday. Dress rehearsal tomorrow. I think I'm gonna be sick. How can I read the instructions? There wasn't any. No? Well, maybe there's a part missing. Yeah, I got that. If that's what you call it. Well, if it's all there, how come it's not working? What do you mean, in what sense? It's not working in the sense that it's not working. No, I can't speak up. Nothing's happening, you know what I mean? Nothings getting bigger. Well, this is an emergency, is this. What's the matter, big man? I'm sorry. Dave... Dave. You're ahead. Give us a break! All right, kid. Tell us straight. We're not making the biggest arses of ourselves in the known universe, are we? Dave, mate. Can I have a word? In private, like. Yeah. I suppose so. Dave, you won't tell anyone, will you? No, your... Your secret's safe with me. When I were about 12, our school took us for... for swimming lessons. Mixed classes. You know' boys... and... and girls. It were terrible, Dave. I were there standing at t'side of t'pool in me trunks with all these pretty lassies around in bikinis! And... Well, I... I got... I got a stiffy! - What did you do? - I jumped into t'deep end. I nearly fucking drowned! What if it happens again? Think of that? In front of 400 women! Gerald, you're talking to t'wrong man. - You said it were just your mum. - It's family. - What can you do? - Who the hell-fire's that? Oh, no. It's Beryl. Me niece! Where's Dave? 'Ere, Dave! Dave! - What are you doing? - What does it look like? We're on in three days' time! Where the fuck are you? I'm 'ere, working! Earning! That's where. Not pissing about! End of chat. Dave. - Come on, Dave. - No. All right, then. - Very nice. - Gaz, please, don't. Come on, Mr. Security Guard. Do your job. Gazza! Horse, go out and tell 'em there's a delay. They won't wait forever. Keep up, you fat bastard! Don't ever call me a fat bastard, all right? - All right? - We need you, Dave. I can't. I just can't. All right? Listen, just think of the most boring thing you can come up with. - That should keep it well in order. - Like what? - Double-glazing salesmen. - Gardening. The Queen's speech. A Dire Straits double album. - Nature programs. - I like nature programs. Aye, but they don't give you a hard-on, though, do they? Do they? Blimey... Oh, shut up! It's not funny. It's medical. He's not coming. We can do without him. So your daddy dances in from of you? When he's rehearsing. We were dancing all right then, an' all. My feet are freezing. Right. Name. Gary Schofield. - Gerald Arthur Cooper. - What? Gerald Arthur Cooper. - Barrington Mitchell. - Barrington? Yeah. - Is that one R? - Two. Told you. Rubbing pipes' that's all. Gary, my friend, no bugger robs pipes in the buff. We do. Don't get your clothes dirty, do you? Oh. Well, don't fret, gents. There's a right good laundry in Wakefield prison. Security-camera tapes off the from desk. What happened to the security guard? You're always ahead there. You're always bloody behind, more like. Look... Excuse me, can I borrow this for a second? Look, shut up, will you? Watch. He's right. - You're ahead. - Oh, go... bollocks! Be quiet! Me mum'll hear. I've always wanted to meet your mum. What do you mean, I can't see him? He's me son! I haven't been charged! Ask Smiler in there! No charge! Sorry. Social Services have requested an interview with you. Have to make an appointment. - I've come to pick up my son. - Oh, right... Just a minute. He's fine. We've not been charged or owt. So this is your great money-making enterprise? Pornography? Don't be daft! We're getting your money. My money? Nathan's money! - Here he is. - All right' Dad? - All right, kid? - Yeah, fine. Hi, Mum. Come on, love. We're going now. - Come on, Mand! - Unemployed, maintenance arrears of £700' and now an arrest for indecent exposure. - Still think you're a good father? - He is trying. - See? - A bit late for that. - Hang on a minute! - Look at yourself, Gary! Just look at yourself. All right, mate? So. And this has been going on how long? About six months. I can cope with losing the sunbed. Car. Television. I can even cope with the shame of everyone watching this. But six months! Six bloody months! And you wouldn't say to me, to your wife. I thought you liked them. No, Gerald. I've never liked 'em. They've taken me sunbed. They've taken bloody everything. - Kept hold of your chips, though. - House repossessed. Wife thrown me out. Guess what. I've just been offered that job. Congratulations. - All right, kid? - Hiya! - Fancy a kick-about int' park? - Yeah. Nathe. Hiya. All right, love? You shouldn't be here. - Says who? - Read the lawyer's letter, why don't you? We're going swimming, Dad. Do you wanna come? I can't, kid. Haven't brought me trunks, have I? - We can go get 'em. Can't we, Mum? - I can't, love. Why? I just... I just can't. Sorry. He's not allowed, is he? Come on, love. Dave! Oi, you deaf Mai! What do you want now? I told you, I'm finished with you. We're all finished, Dave. I'm a bloody marked man now. Sorry about your Nathan. It's a bad one, that. Aye. It's about Lomper. What's that pasty-faced chuff er want? His mum died two days ago. Poor lad. Sorry. Could you borrow us a jacket for t'funeral? Gaz...! Come on, Dave! It's not for me, it's a funeral! What color? Orange. - Orange? - Black, for fuck's sake! All right. Look, I'll meet you by t'doors. - Nice one. - Come on, then. - Have you got some time off? - Nah. Fucking pick'n'mix were driving me crazy. Besides, it's a funeral. - Are you ready? - Ready when you are. They bloody are, you know. They're holding hands. - They're never. - Straight up. I never even hold hands with ruddy lassies. Maybe I should. Ah, who'd have ruddy thought it, eh? Ah, well. There's nowt as queer as folk. I said, "There's nowt as queer as folk"! Shut up, Dave. It's supposed to be a bloody funeral. I'm sorry. - Look! Who's that? - It's that guy! Show us your pecs! They were together in the paper. Have you been actively seeking work over the last fortnight? Yeah. Have you done any work, paid or unpaid, over the last fortnight? No. That's not what I've heard. Right, come on, you lot! "Slaidburn." One, two, three, four. - Go get snagged! - Get your knickers off! Oh, fuck! Hey, Patricia the Stripper! - Bugger off. - Where have you bloody been? What's going on? I had to buy 20 barrels! I've had no word from you! I hope they're sale or return. You're joking! You're bloody famous! Yeah, don't remind me. - I've sold 200-odd tickets! - How many? Well done, Gerald. All the best. Hey! Example for you there! - Nice suit, Gerald! - Yeah. Well, I'd best be off. You never know, there might be a job in it for you boys. - All right, lads? - All right, Gaz? - Gareth. - We're on. We're bloody on! You what? We've sold 200 tickets. That's two grand! It's a bit late for all that, Gaz. I mean... I mean fresh start, you know. One more time, Gerald. You got the rest of your fucking life to wear a suit! - Gerald... - Aye, go on! Come on, Gerald. - Just once. - Yes! That's all. Just tonight. How about it, Dave? Haven't you grown out of all that yet? Come on, mate. Nah. Sorry, lads. Jean? Jean, love! There you are. I should have guessed when you started wearing totty lotion. You never put it on for me, did you? - Jean? - Or this? I never had you down for this sort of caper, David. It explains a few things, at least. No, look. .. I know it don't look good. You're bloody right it don't. All those nights you were late back and stupid cow here thought you were out looking for a job! Well, no wonder. No bloody wonder. - It's so obvious. - No, I were with Gaz, honest. Oh, right! She's one of Gaz's little tans, is she? Well, that makes sense. She'd have to be to put up with this kind of shit! Just listen, will you? It's nowt to do with any fucking women! I'm--- I were a stripper, right? Me and Gaz and... some fellas thought we'd make a bob or two taking us clothes off. Strippers? All right, all right, I know. You... and Gaz? Strippers? We weren't that bad. Only I couldn't, could I? Why not? Well, look at me. So? Jeanie, who wants to see this dance? Me, Dave. I do. Women only, you tosser! Women only! It's on all t'posters, for fuck's sake. No, nobody told me. All the blokes from t'pub are in there. Bastards! You'll be all right once you're on stage. Once I'm on stage? I'm going nowhere near the fucking stage! It's suicide! That's what it is! Suicide! Come on, come on! Come on, come on! Come on, come on! Come on! Shit! I'll give the money back. Alan, announce it, please. To 400 horny punters? Ask me another one, kid! By 'eck! Our old dinner lady's ont' front row! - We'll get torn to pieces! - You will if you don't go on! Ever seen a zebra brought down by a pack of wolves? These nature films. Aren't they marvelous? Brilliant, aren't they? - They are, aren't they, Gerald? - Oh, pack it in! - Not lost your bottle, have you, Gaz? - Dave! There were nowt on telly so I thought I'd give it a go. - I found this wandering about outside. - They wouldn't let me in. What the hell are you doing 'ere? Your mum'll go mad! - She's out from. - Is she? Is Barry with her? She wouldn't let him come. Said it were women only. Right! I can't hold them any longer! It's now or never! We're bloody on. Go get your jacket on. Can't we leave us G-strings on, Gaz? Perhaps you better had. No, we better hadn't. Listen. If we're doing this, then just this once, we're doing it right. Now, come on. Come on, put your hands together and welcome Mr. Dave Horsefall! OK, ladies and gents... and you buggers up the back there! Get on with it! We may not be young, we may not be pretty, we may not be right good, but we're here. We're live, and for one night only we're going for the full monty! You can't miss it, not after everything. - Come on, Gaz! Hurry up! - Sorry, lads. Good luck, eh? Listen. I'm gonna get really annoyed with you. They're cheering out there. You did that. Now get out there and do your stuff. God, is there anyone I don't get bollocked by? Oui! Off! Off! Off! Off, off, off! FILM NARRATOR: Welcome to Sheffield... the beating heart of Britain's industrial North. The jewel in Yorkshire's crown... is home to over half a million people... and thousands more flock here daily to shop and to work. All this is built on Sheffield's primary industry--steel. The city's rolling mills, forges, and workshops... employ some 90,000 men and state-of-the-art machinery... to make the world's finest steel-- from high-tensile girders to the stainless cutlery... that ends up on your dining table. But it's not all hard work for the people of Steel City. They can spend the day lounging by the pool... watching one of our top soccer teams... or browsing in the shops. But when the sun goes down, the fun really starts... in the city's numerous nightclubs and discotheques. yes, Yorkshire folk know how to have a good time... and it's good times for the city's housing, too. Sheffield leads the way in town planning. Victorian slums have been cleared... to make way for the homes of the future. Thanks to steel... Sheffield really is a city on the move. DAVE: Gaz, who's gonna buy a rusty girder? GAZ: Come on. NATHAN: Dad, it's stealing. GAZ: No. It's liberating, luv. Liberating. DAVE: Gaz, hang on. GAZ: Ten years we worked in here, and now look. NATHAN: What if we get caught? GAZ: you don't get a criminal record till you're sixteen. -Just don't tell your mom. -Hey, listen. DAVE: Music. NATHAN: yeah. [Playing slow march] GAZ: Bloody hell. GAZ: What are they doing? NATHAN: It's the factory band. They're still going. DAVE: About the only thing around here that is. Eh up, security guard's back. [Door closing] DAVE: "Won't take a minute," he says. "Won't take a minute." Now what? GAZ: Shut up. I'm thinking. NATHAN: Can't we do normal things sometimes? GAZ: What's up with you? This is normal. DAVE: Oh, aye, everyday stuff, this. I think this bugger's sinking. GAZ: Right. Now pick it up... and try and slide it across other side. That's it. Oh, fucking hell, Nathe! They're twenty quid each, them. That were your bloody maintenance, were that. Oh, shit. DAVE: Oh, nice one. GAZ: Nathe. Nathan. Fuckin' hell! DAVE: Come here, come here. GAZ: Jesus, stay still. Stay still, stay still. All right. DAVE: What's your initiative say about this, bog eyes? GAZ: Eh up. Someone coming. MAN: All right? GAZ: Ah, not so bad. DAVE: Not so bad? Not so bad? That's not much of a chuffing SOS, is it? GAZ: All right, don't get a benny on. Shit. DAVE: My jeans are bloody soaking. GAZ: Should have taken your kit off. you shy? DAVE: Don't. Just shut it, all right? [Gaz laughs] DAVE: Ohh. GAZ: Eh up, Dave. -All right, babe. -Dad. -What do you reckon, Dave? -Eight, maybe a nine. GAZ: you can never tell till you see their tits, can you? -Dad! -What's all this, then? NATHAN: It's them Chippendale efforts. GAZ: What? NATHAN: Them dancers. Mum were going on about it. GAZ: Aw, you're joking. She must be getting desperate. DAVE: Away, Gaz. you all waiting for me, then? WOMAN: yeah, to go home. GAZ: you know where to find me when you're tired of them poofs. DAVE: Gaz, I'm freezing. GAZ: "Women only"? Cheeky buggers. It's a bloody working men's club. I mean, look at the state of that. I don't know what you've got to smile about. I mean, he's got no willy for starters, has he? There's nowt in the gym that'll help you there, mate. No decent woman would be seen dead in there. Jean would. Oh, Dave, what's going on? It's her money, isn't it? Fucking hell. you gonna just stand there... while some poof's waving his tackle at your missis? Where's your pride, man? She's already got you hoovering. I saw it, and I let it go. But this, no, no, no. you get her out of there and tell her what for. NATHAN: He can't. It's women only. DAVE: Just hurry up, will you? Me feet have gone numb. GAZ: That's gratitude for you. We're riding into "Alley of Death" for you, you fat git. DAVE: It's not my fault I can't fit through, is it? GAZ: All right, then. I'll be waiting here, keeping guard. you tell Auntie Jean Uncle Dave wants a word outside, all right? -Do I have to? -Good kid. On you go. [Music playing] [Cheering] WOMEN: Off! Off! Off! Off! JEAN: Ooh, I'm not waiting in that bloody queue. SHARON: I've always wanted a nosey in the men's toilet. BEE: Phoor, them bloody muscles. JEAN: No, no, it's not their bodies, Bee. It's what they do with them that counts. SHARON: I don't know what you're worrying about... you-know-who on your tail. BEE SINGING: Frankie, do you want my body? JEAN: Hey, Frank don't fancy me... and I don't fancy Frank, so bloody well give over. Do you think he might, though? No, couldn't do that to Dave. Not even if I wanted to. But it's like he's given up. Work, me, everything. Ah, luv. Here, luv, this'll cheer you up. [Urinating] [Women laughing] BEE: I weren't in Girl Scouts for nothing. DAVE: Gaz. Gaz. That were our Jean, weren't it? GAZ: No, no. Just a couple of old tarts. Going back in for Nathe. [Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff" plays] GAZ: you're in big trouble. NATHAN: What about Auntie Jean? GAZ: Auntie Jean's busy. NATHAN: I don't feel well. GAZ: Of course you don't. you've got an hangover. Take a day off. Hang about at home. NATHAN: your house is messy. It's cold and all. GAZ: Then come down Jobclub. That'll be a right laugh. NATHAN: Mum's house is always warm. GAZ: I can't always have the red carpet out for you. Anyway, it's not your mum's house. It's what's-his-name--Barry's. Tell you what. Next weekend, I'll have a big tidy around. I promise. Even go and see a footie game. NATHAN: yeah? GAZ: yeah. Sunday League going down the park... has got some right good players. NATHAN: United playing Man U, aren't they? GAZ: Oh, Nathe, you know I can't stretch to that. NATHAN: you're always making me do stupid stuff. Other dads don't do that. GAZ: Don't they? Aye. NATHAN: Aye. GAZ: Hey, Nathe. We could try and sneak into Man U. Terry were telling us about this gap in fence. NATHAN: No! GAZ: All right. I'll get tickets. I will. Ooh, ah, Cantona, has to wear a girlie bra. Stuff 'em, Nathe. Fuck. MANAGER: I want your application letters finished... by the time I get back, right? Any problems, I'm outside. GAZ: I tell you, when women start pissing like us... that's it. We're finished, Dave. Extincto. DAVE: yeah, I mean, how? you know? TERRY: Genetic mutations, isn't it? They're turning into us. GAZ: A few years, and men won't exist... except in a zoo or something. We're not needed no more, are we? Obsolete. Dinosaurs. yesterday's news. Like skateboards. GERALD: Button it. Some of us are trying to get a job. Hey, it says no smoking in here. GAZ: Oh, and it says Jobclub up there... and when were the last time you saw one of them walk in? you forget, Gerald, you're not our foreman anymore. you're just like the rest of us--scrap. Shut it, right? DAVE: Hang on, then. Why were all them women in working men's club? Now, then, because of us--men. GAZ: you call them Chippendales men? Degrading, that's what it were. How many lasses were there, though? Thousands, baying for blood. Ten quid to watch some fucking poof get his kit off. DAVE: Right. Times ten quid by a thousand, right? And you've got... yeah, well, a lot--a very lot. Ten thousand quid. -How much? -Ten thousand quid. Hey, now, Dave, it's worth a thought, though, isn't it? GERALD: Oh, aye. Could just see Little and Large... prancing around Sheffield with their widgers hanging out. Now that would be worth ten quid. GAZ: Don't be so bloody daft. We were just saying-- GERALD: Widgers on parade. Bring your own microscope. I don't see why the chuff not, Gerald. Because you're fat, and he's thin... and you're both fucking ugly. GAZ: Fucking bastard. GAZ: What's all this about sole custody? you know what it is, Gary. If you want joint custody, you have to pay your share-- seven hundred quid. I'm on dole, in case you hadn't noticed. Then get a job. I'll get you a job. At two pound fifty an hour in black hole of fucking Calcutta? No, thank you. Fine. If you want to go off and play your games, Gary... then you do that, but Nathan's gonna have two parents. GAZ: your bloody live-in lover's gonna do that, is he? Abracadabra. Here he is. Evening, Barry. That'll be for court to decide. No, it won't. Nathan's yours and he's mine... and he's fuck all to do with him ! BARRY: As if you've ever given a toss. MANDY: Face it, Gary. He don't even like staying at your house. Of course he bloody does. Ask him. Ask him. Nathe, we have a laugh, don't we, kid? Gary, don't. GAZ: Is he in? Is he in? ! Nathe! Well, he can't hear you through your triple bloody glazing. MANDY: He can hear, all right. This is all wrong, this is. It's all to fucking cock. I'm his dad, and you, you're nobody. Yorkshire: Good night, Gary. GAZ: Night, Nathe. See you, kid. DAVE: No, not doing it. I'm not stripping. GAZ: Dave, they're taking him away. All I need is seven hundred quid. DAVE: Gaz, no. GAZ: Dave, he's me kid. I suppose there's nicking cars. -No. -Well, then? DAVE: Look, I'll help. I'm running now, aren't I? But I'm taking nowt off, final. GAZ: Come on, Dave. Don't stop now. Keep up, you fat bastard. DAVE: Gazza, you tosser. [Ignition on car tries to turn over] DAVE: you need a hand? yeah, it's your HT leads, I reckon. Give it a go at that. [Engine starts] DAVE: Didn't you work at Harrisons before it shut down? yeah, thought I clocked you. I were on't floor with Gaz, him up the road. How's it going, then? you got any work? No, there's not a lot about, is there? Like I say, get some new ones when you get the chance. No, no, my chuffing pleasure. GAZ: Dave? -Are you all right, kid? -you bastard. [Lomper coughing] LOMPER: Hey, hey! [Pounding on window] you could shoot yourself. GAZ: Where's he gonna find a gun around here? you want to find yourself a big bridge, you do. DAVE: yeah, like one of them bungee jumps... only without the bungee bit. I can't stand heights, me. DAVE: Drowning. Now there's a way to go. I can't swim. GAZ: you don't have to fucking swim, you divvy. That's the whole point. God, you're not very keen, are you? Sorry. I know. you could stand in middle of road... and get a mate to drive smack into you right fast. Haven't got any mates. GAZ: Listen, we just saved your fucking life... so don't tell us we're not your mates, all right? Really? DAVE: yeah. I'd run you down soon as look at you. Oh, cheers. Ta. Thanks a lot. [Gasping for breath] -What are you doing, Mum? -Where have you been? LOMPER: Driving. MOTHER: Driving where? LOMPER: Just driving. MOTHER: I thought you'd gone. GAZ: Security guard in here? No wonder he wants to kill himself. DAVE: At least one bloke got a job... out of this place being shut down. What did you tell him for, any road? Kid's a nutter. GAZ: He's a bugle player. Could come in right handy. Might need a bit of music. He's got a car... somewhere to practice. Besides, good what's-its-name for the lad--therapy. DAVE: Oh, aye, jiggling about in the buff, therapy. He won't be the only one trying to kill himself... if you carry on with this caper. NATHAN: Dad, I'm hungry. GAZ: Eh up. [Car horn honks] DAVE: Hey, Lomper... where's me rice? Try the cylinder head, tubby. NATHAN: I don't like Chinese. GAZ: Of course you do, don't you? DAVE: Let's see his records. GAZ: What we got, then, Dave? DAVE: "The Floral Dance." -"Marching with Hepworth." -Jesus Christ. DAVE: Ah, "Hot Chocolate." Now we're talking. [Singing] I believe in miracles Since you came along GAZ AND DAVE SINGING: you sexy thing GAZ: Stick it on, Daverino. I'm there. NATHAN: Dad, don't. GAZ: No, it's all right, Nathan. This is right. I've seen 'em do it. DAVE ON SPEAKER: Good evening, Sheffield-- GAZ: Dave. All right, all right. "you Sexy Thing." A-one, two... a-one, two, three, four. [Music starts] [Coins jingling] HOT CHOCOLATE SINGING: I believe in miracles Where you from? you sexy thing Sexy thing, you I believe in miracles Since you came along you sexy thing Where did you come from? [Needle scratches, music stops] GAZ: Need an audience. you need a doctor. GAZ: I tell you, there's something up with that kid. Are you sure you checked the whole top end? DAVE: yeah. LOMPER: There's no point. He went out. GAZ: What? LOMPER: I seen him go. DAVE: There's the beggar. GAZ: Oi, Nathe! Nathan! Nathan. Hellfire. What are you doing out here, kid? NATHAN: Nowt--walking home. GAZ: It's miles home. you know that. Why did you run off like that? you're embarrassed, aren't you? you think your own dad's a dickhead. We're not doing this for a laugh, you know. I'm trying to get some brass together... so as you and me can keep seeing each other. They're trying to stop us, you see. Well, I may as well not bother, except I'm your dad. That counts for summat, doesn't it? I like you. I love you, you bugger. All right, kid? -All right? -yeah. GAZ: Nutter. [Tango music playing] NATHAN: Well, you said dancing. GAZ: It were a great idea, kid-- just not the right sort of dancing. DAVE: Gaz, hey, look here. GAZ: Oh, my God. Gerald, me lad, you're gonna be famous down Jobclub. DAVE: He's not bad for a bastard, is he? GAZ: He's dead, that's what he is. LOMPER: you said you wanted a dance teacher. DAVE: Gerald? Go get chuffed. He'll tell every bugger. We'll be laughed out of Sheffield. DANCE TEACHER: Well done, everybody. LOMPER: Eh up, lads, bandits at six o'clock. GAZ: Ah, come in, Torvill. Park your sequins over here. GERALD: you've had your laugh. Now piss off. It's a free country. GAZ: you were rather good. Very nifty footwork. LINDA: Gerald. Oh, hello. We're missing the rumba. GERALD: Sorry, luv. I was just having a bit of a chat... with some pals of mine from work. LINDA: Oh. Not thinking of joining our class? GAZ: Think I'll make it? I sure hope so. Oh, Jesus, here they come. Don't shoot. What if it doesn't stop them? (RATS SHRIEKING) We won! Morgan, we won! All right, let's get out of here. Come on. Okay. You were right! They can't swim! (RATS SQUEAKING) Let's go. If I was a fish, I'd have thought it was too easy. What's the matter? Did you count how many rats there were back there at the water? Just now? Yeah. No, I didn't count them. Yeah, well, if you had, you'd find out that there's only half the bastards we left back there at that generator. So what? So, I think the rest are up to something else. Like what? Like, we better find out damn quick. Where the hell are you going? Come on, Morgan, let's break this down. Come on, let's get the hell out of here. Oh, God. Brian! Brian! Morgan! Morgan! (RATS SQUEALING) If you care for that girl in there with your baby, you better change your mind. Once I leave here, none of you are going to get out alive. I couldn't take Rita back out there with those rats. There's no way. You just didn't see them like we did. Now, you listen to me, you get that pregnant girl of yours out of here and into that car. And don't give me any bullshit. And the old lady goes, too. Well, get them, god damn it! Yeah, that's right, Jack. You be sure and take Mrs. Skinner with you. You'll need her signature for the rights, won't you? What happened to your friend? He run out on you? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. . Hey, come on. Hey, let go of me, you son of a bitch Hey, hey! No, stop it! Please, stop it! Stop, no! (JACK GRUNTS) JACK: No! (RATS GROWLING) Oh, Lord! Look! Look, look! MORGAN: Get the shotgun! (SCREAMING) Mr. Thomas. Thomas! Listen, everything's going to be okay. Better go in the bedroom with Rita. She's not feeling too well. Looks like the white one's the leader. (GUNS FIRING) Save your energy, Thomas. They're out of shotgun range. Hey, we scared them off. Yeah, for a while anyway. For a while? We can hold them off forever, man. Just cool it, will you? ! Mr. Morgan . Mr. Morgan, the well's run dry I been pumping and pumping since the Lord knows when. Yeah, well, you can stop pumping. . Those rats have cut throug h the pipe right to the well What do we do about water? That's the least of our problems. Those rats will be in here long before we ever get too thirsty. Oh, my God. Hey, Morgan, how do we know we can't reach them with our shotguns out there? Boy, just another 20 feet closer, we'd get them all. Hey, you're ruining those shells! Yeah, I know. But that's all we got left to save us. Hey, look, Thomas, count the shells we've got. If we're lucky enough to knock out one rat with each shell, there'd still be enough of those bastards left to hold a hell of a people barbecue. Oh, you've got an answer for everything, don't you? Well, maybe we shouldn't have listened to you, maybe Bensington was right. Yeah, you got a point there. Well, nothing gets to you, god damn it! We could've been the hell away from here if it wasn't for you. I'll tell you what. Bensington's car is still out there. You can take it if you want to. . I'm sure he won't mind I know all about delivering babies. Living on a farm, you get to know those things. Everything's going to be all right. Lorna. LORNA: Yeah. Can you handle one of these. Sure. You ever shot one? No. Oh, terrific. Well, it's ready to go. Hold it tight against your shoulder. It kicks, okay? Yeah. God, I know my husband isn't coming back to me. I know it, I know it. Was the finest man in the whole world. Is it possible that Bensington was right? We could have driven through them? Yeah, it's possible. How can you be so cool? Aren't you afraid? Sure, but I'm more bothered that those rats are out there trying to outsmart me. If I told you how I felt right now, you'd think I was crazy. Tell me. I want you to make love to me. It is crazy, isn't it? At a time like this. Listen, the first thing we'll do when we get back to the mainland ? is continue this conversation, okay But that's just it, I don't think we'll ever get back. They're attacking again. I need more shells. (GUN FIRING) (RATS SQUEALING) ? How's it going I've been lying here, thinking about what it's going to be like when those rats get inside. Morgan says we're gonna be fine. Do you believe that? You know, I used to think about dying a lot. I'd sort of lie there in bed, at night, in the dark. I guess I've always had a terrible fear of it. Rita, don't. I used to fantasize the most horrible death. You know, the most frightening. . None of them come clos e to being eaten by rats The funny thing is, now that it's happening, it really doesn't seem to matter, except for my baby. What do you think our chances are? Pretty good. Like hell. Have it your way. Any minute now those rats are going to bust in here, and you're still fussing around with some lousy jars. Well, it's something to do. Something to do? That, my dear boy, is what life is all about. From the time you're born, it's finding something to do while you're waiting to die, and you try like hell to prevent it. I'm not afraid to die, 'cause it means I'll be with my husband again. I'm not afraid. Not afraid. Now, you get your ass in gear and get over there, and put that strip in that gasoline jar and move it! I think we ought to at least talk about it. All of us. Yeah, about what? Bensington's car. It's still out there, and the rats haven't hurt it. I'll tell you what, we'll take a vote on it. . Good. If we... After we come back From where? Say, I'm not going to leave Rita, if that's what you're thinking. Pick up those jars of gasoline, Thomas! You're going to kill us. Now open the front door! (RATS SQUEALING) (RATS GNAWING) Oh, God. God! ) (SCREAMING No! Oh, no! (GLASS SHATTERING) ) (SCREAMING I think the baby means it this time. (GROANING) How did you know there was a dam? Mrs. Skinner told me. Don't let the baby die , please. Can you see? Can you see the head? Push. ? Is the head coming It's showing its head. Yeah? Yeah. Now, push. Push. Okay. Is it a boy? What is it? It's a boy. It's a boy? It's a boy. (BABY CRYING) Jesus. We'll never get... We won't by sitting here. Come on. Light this thing. (GUN FIRING) (RATS SHRIEKING) Everybody upstairs, now! (RATS SHRIEKING) Morgan! (RATS SHRIEKING) Oh, God, no! (RAT SQUEAKING) (RAT SHRIEKING) Well, I guess that's the end of them. The end of Bensington' s one last big shot at immortality. MORGAN: We were able to get Thomas's camper fixed long enough to get us back to the ferry and away from that nightmare for good. I'm back with the team, and things won't be the same without Brian and Davis. My father was right. The land rebelled much worse than he ever could have imagined. Nature was attacked, and hit back with a vengeance. I hope we got it all, and the Food of the Gods has gone back to wherever it came from. I hate to think what would happen if even a trace of that stuff is left. If it got into the watering ponds or into the irrigation ditches. Did we get it all? Because if we didn't... (MOOING) (CHILDREN CHATTERING) Thank you. Brought you some food. Sister, have some. You've not eaten for days. You must be starving. No, I'm not. Now listen. I know how you must be feeling... with the Ching Wu school being wiped out. Those murdering Japs-- we shouldn't have trusted them. But life has to go on. You have to eat. You'll make yourself ill. Brother Chen was quite right. ThoseJapanese-- they gave their word, then broke it. Look, we're here, the three of us. We'll keep fighting! Young man, I really admire your spirit. - But what could the three of you do? - Not too much. But even if we're killed, there's millions of other Chinese. The idea is right, but not the time. The best thing that you three can do is to leave Shanghai. But I'm still not clear why in particular you want to go to Taiwan. That's simple. TheJapanese are there too. I may get the chance to fight against them there and take revenge. Right. That's what you want, so I'll help you. When can we leave? It's all arranged. In the morning the ship will sail from Shanghai. - All okay? - Sure. Don't you worry. It's all fixed up. - They'll take you to the ship. - Inspector, you've been very kind. - I'm grateful. You saved our lives. - Ah, you mustn't say that. Now go on. Oh, Miss Lee! Before you go, just a word of caution. Taiwan's different-- not like Shanghai. The folks are different, so you be careful. I know. Thanks. - You know, it's a dangerous game. - So what? I just can't sit back and watch while thejapanese kill them all off. I know. But if you've got any sense, you'll leave here. - Sooner or later, your luck'll run out. - Maybe so. But in the meantime, I can help save a few useful Chinese lives. Slow down! Quick! Quick! Slow down! I mean, I'm out of breath! We gotta keep moving, otherwise we'll miss that boat. Well, that can't be helped. I'm right out of breath. You little rat, asking me to run. I'll thump you! You will? - All right. Catch me first. - I'll catch you, all right. Come on. You're too old. There's no way you'll ever catch me. - We'll see. - Will we? Well, try it. - Right! And I'm gonna do just that! - I'll give you a start. No need. I don't want no favors. - Good. Right. One-- - Two, three-- Hey, you cheat, you! Come back, you! Hey, you cheat, you! Come back, you! Hey, Uncle, I'll thump these two guys. That all right? What do you think? I'll kick their asses, huh? Helong, no one's coming. Go on-- belt 'em! Hey, look! My God. That hurt! You bastards. Assholes. Hey, I hate your guts. Do you know that? Hey, kiss my ass. Go on. Helong, cut it out. You're gonna get yourself hurt. Don't be stupid! Ah, don't worry. They don't understand. That right? I hate your guts. And I'm gonna thump you. All right? All right? Get lost. Is that all you can say? - What's the problem? - Help me! These guys are gonna kill me. - They're gonna kill me! They are! - What's going on? And you-- behave yourself, please. - Thank you, Mr. Hong. Thank you. - That's all right. Go on, get lost! Good. You got guts. Yeah, so what? TheJaps hit me, the Chinese do-- what's the difference? It hurts, whoever it is. Helong, keep a civil tongue in your head. I'm sorry. Forgive him. - He's stupid. Not his fault. - Hey, what's that? Hey, shut up! Now, come on. Hold it! Hey, kid, my teacher wants to see you. - That's too bad. - What's that? It's an order, not a suggestion. - An order? - Helong! I'm sorry. Don't worry. He'll come. I'll make sure he does. - Mr. Hong. What is it? - TheseJapanese want to see the chief. Who are they? They're from the governor's office. Please. - Mr. Hong, going in? - Uh, no. I just brought them. All right. All right. Arms up. All right. Go on. Hands up. All right. Hey, over there. Go on! Why'd you come here? - On a visit. I have relatives here. - What's your name? Maliar. That's familiar. It's my first time here. You say you got family here? Tell me what the name is. - Su Onli. - That so? What's he to you? - He's my grandfather. - Your grandfather? Well, now. All right. Go on. - Sorry. I'm sorry. - Damn you! Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me. And what's your name? I'm Lung Se Chung. Hey, are you sure this is your real name? I'll bet you've got another name, haven't you? You're a damn rebel, come here to make trouble. Well, I'm afraid we've been waiting for you. Take him! - How many rooms? - Two rooms, please. Please. This all right? -Just arrived here? - Yes. - Staying long? - We're not sure yet. Sorry. - Right. I'll bring some tea. - Thanks. Oh, that's good. Those beds on board were lousy. This just feels so good. Sister, I've got an idea we're about to lose young fatso. He's still a kid. What? Hey, a " kid"? I've already killed six Japs. Quiet! Remember, this is Taiwan, not Shanghai. You never know who's listening. So just be careful. Go take a bath, all right? Get to bed. Right. - What's wrong? - The wooden box is gone. It's gone? - You're sure? - Yeah. Sorry. It's my fault. You can beat me. How could you lose it? It's so important! My God! How can we take revenge for brother Chen now? Hey, look. Now, isn't that nice, huh? Well, now, a nice box like that-- must be something valuable in it. Gosh, must be our lucky day. No wonder you were grinning like the cat that's just stolen the canary. - I did a good job. - Hey, open it! Listen, the person who lost such a nice thing must feel bad. Don't you think? So what do we care? When we're starving, are they gonna care about us? -Just open it, huh? - Hey, listen, let's just take it back. Huh? Take it back? Do you want us both to wind up in jail? Open it up now! Quick! Listen, what are these? Hey, it could be some special sort of king's scepter. You see any king? - Why, no. - Well, how would you know? Hey, we're in trouble. - What's wrong? - Master, take a seat. Our agent arrived here but was arrested straightaway. - My God. - Yes, it's a blow. How did they get onto him? They're not usually so damn smart. He just got off the ship. How could they know? - I don't know. Maybe one of our men-- - Oh, I don't think so. How could it be? Our men are all loyal. Must be something else. Anything new here? Anything different? Mr. Su, I bumped into a couple ofJaps today. Went to the police. I took them there. They said they were from the governor's office. Do you think they're involved in this? It could be. Cheers, cheers! These two men from the governor's office-- they're very good friends of Mr. Akumora. They can fight really good too... and they're real smart guys-- special agents. Oh, uh, pleased to meet you. Welcome, welcome! Now then, our distinguished friend, Mr. Akumora, is here. My apologies for arriving here so late. And to make it up, let's all drink. Tell me, sir, our distinguished friend here-- what did he ask? He asked about the martial arts school here, were they a problem. I said, no problem. With your help, it was all under control. Oh, no, no. All of the credit deserves to go to you, sir. Not at all, not at all. I'm a Japanese. How could I lead the Chinese martial arts schools? Hey, you're too modest. With the skills you have... you'd be a natural martial arts leader in any community, without a doubt. You're flattering me. Much too kind. OurJapanese styles can never compare with Chinese kung fu here. Oh, no, no, no, no. That's not true. I bow to no other martial arts school here... with one exception, and that's yours, sir. Kung fu schools are good... but still, in my view, sir... for a town of this size, we have too many kung fu schools, sir. Bring them together, now, under your control-- Oh, you think, then, that I'm qualified? Hey, of course! Sure, you are. And I can vouch for that too. It's an interesting idea, but how would it work? There's too many schools. Uh, let's see. Bi Fung, Si Kong, Tai Young and Yang Tai schools. Like I said, too many. Well now. I mean, some of them are no problem. My own school has always supported your school. But still there is one school-- Su Onli's-- that is very anti-Japanese. He really needs watching. Mr. Hong. Grandpa got a kung fu school? Not really. He simply feels that fitness is very important. We're a business. We trade mainly in tea and in lumber. But we have this unwritten rule... that anyone who works for us has to learn kung fu. Mr. Hong, can you tell me why my grandpa doesn't want me here? Your grandfather has good intentions. Taiwan is occupied. TheJapanese are in charge here. So, therefore, one puts up with a lot. Now, two of your uncles-- both hot-tempered men-- were killed by theJaps. So your grandfather's pretty worried... just in case there's more trouble here. I never knew this. And right now he's all alone here. Then, why can't I stay? I think that what's worrying him is that you're young, pretty. TheJaps have no scruples, especially with young girls. That's why he's so scared. You won't be safe. He's by himself. That's not nice. Must be lonely. How can he stand it? He's a self-sufficient man. Anyway, you should come first. That's his view. He shouldn't feel that way. He's quite wrong. Don't tell me I'm wrong. You can't stay here. Taiwan's not a safe place. I'll let you stay for a couple of weeks. Wherever I go, it can't be Shanghai, that's for sure. - So, where else? -" Can't be"? Why not? The teacher at my school was killed by theJaps. Together with my friends, who were also Ching Wu students... we managed to escape. If we go back, theJaps'll kill us. In that case, you must leave Taiwan. I'd be a burden, eh? Burden? Do you think burdens worry me at my age of life? It's you I am worried about! So I should go and hide? That what you want? And why not? Your kung fu can't withstand guns. Are you going to drive theJaps all out by yourself? Grandfather, let me speak. All the Chinese's problems stem from the fact they won't stand up for themselves. What? You think I'm afraid? Miss Lee, you underestimate your grandfather. I don't think so. Grandpa, why are theJaps here? Because we didn't fight-- too scared. So we let them walk in. ThoseJapanese only understand one thing: blood for blood, eye for eye... death for death. - You think I'm scared, huh? - Would I have come here? Good. You're a brave girl. I hate theJaps. That's why I came here-- so I can take revenge. Good. And you will. And I'll help you to do it. - Mr. Hong? - Yes? - See her baggage is brought up. - Right. Hey, kid, come on over here. Come on! Come on with me. Hey, kid, it's all right. Don't worry. Wait here. Teacher, that young kid has arrived. Bring him in. Hey, come on. Come on in. What do you want? I'm opening a casino. I need some men. And from what I've seen of you, I reckon you'd fit. - No, thanks. - No, thanks? Not good enough, huh? Better than being a thief. A thief? Sure, I steal, but only from strangers. I never steal from locals. You see, I do have some principles. Hey, listen. You ought to be a little more civil-- kneel down and kowtow to the teacher. Teacher? Not my teacher. Hey, I brought you here so you can join the school. So you did, but I don't want to. Refusing to join us? Helong, so we're not good enough for you, eh? It's not that. I don't want to learn kung fu. That the only reason? Why, sure. I've lots of freedoms as a thief. But if I come here, I'm tied. But you must have some other reasons. So, what are they? What are they? It's because you creep around thejapanese,just like little dogs! You make me sick, all right? Hold it! So our school here isn't good enough for a fine young man like you. You can go. You bet I'll go. Wouldn't stay if you paid me. What's this? Did you really believe you can simply walk out of here? Well, you can't. Close the door. - Come on! Come on! - Get him! Come on, come on! Sister, look! It's them. Well, who's the boy? One of the locals. Good-for-nothing. Let's see if he's still alive. Mr. Hong, he's alive. Well, let's take him home. - Wait here. - Yes. - Master. - Yes? - Old Chin's here. - Ah, bring him in then. Old Chin, come in, come in. Master, you sent for me? That's right, I did. I've got something to ask you. Be pleased to help. I hope you can. See these two clubs? How did you come to get them? I'm sorry. In fact, I sent my young boy to take them back. You see, I was-- These two clubs aren't worth much, but they mean a lot to me. So, tell us-- just how did you get them? Me and the boy were down at the docks today. When you weren't looking, we-- We thought you rich strangers. Later, we just found these. But if we'd known who you were, friends of Master Su's... we wouldn't have done it, I can promise you that. You're not young anymore. You ought to find a steady job, and the young boy as well. Master, we don't have any trade though, so what else can we do? Still, we got principles. We never steal from the locals. But your boy-- he's more than a thief. He's always getting into trouble! Trouble? No, no. That can't be, sir. My boy is well liked. Ask anyone. They'll all tell you he's a nice boy. Someone doesn't agree with you. Today they nearly beat him to death. - Where is he? - We found him in a ditch. He was very nearly dead, so we brought him back here. It must have been Lin Ching Kai. But why would Lin want to beat him? Lin Ching Kai wanted the boy to join his school. But the boy-- he hates thoseJapanese... and can't stand the way Lin kowtows to them. And he sent for the boy today. He must have refused to join, so they beat him up. That boy's got character. Master Hong, where is he now? He's in the back. He's resting. I'd better take him home. Don't know how I'm going to do it though. - What is it? - Chin wants to see you. - Where is he? - In the garden. Well? What's wrong? The boy was nearly beaten to death. Who was it? Not sure. But they beat him half to death, then left him in a ditch. - Lucky some friends found him. - Where is he now, though? He's still at home, unconscious. - I must see him. - You can't! You can't. You mustn't go there! Why not? I'm his mother! So why? Why can't I go see him? I beg you, don't you ever let him know that you're his mother! - Well, why not? - That boy-- he just hates thejapanese. So imagine how he'd feel about you. All these years you didn't want to tell him, so why now? If he knew about you, maybe he'd kill himself! But still, though, I do want to help him. Help him. Give me some money to get a doctor! Go. All right. Come out. I'm here. - Good. - So you're back. You practice hard, and then you can protect your old father. Who'd have the nerve to attack you? Well, this evening some guys tried to kill me. Oh, who was behind it then? Don't know. But still, I think the likeliest bet is the Seven Peaks school. Right. I'll teach them a lesson. - Yes, miss. Can I help you? - Help me? Hold it! What's this? After all... my school here has never done you any harm. So what's going on? What's wrong? What's wrong? Well, you should know that. After all, didn't you send some men to kill me? Kill you? We'd never do that. We're a kung fu school, so calm down. Let's not fight. It seems we have a problem. Let's discuss it. Right. Tell me, why did you send your men to kill my father last night? I did no such thing. Why should I? I'm no killer. Well, it's possible we made a mistake. So let's have a talk on the future of the schools. I'll be host. Where are they? Don't you worry. They'll be here. It's still early. You asked them to come, so they'll be here. That so? I think we might miss dinner and have supper instead. Sure! I'm not hungry. Not hungry at all. Akumora, let's change it to supper. Nonsense! Nonsense. You're right. It's nonsense. But still, it's an idea. And a lousy one. This means they don't respect me. I invite all the teachers of the kung fu schools here, and only three come? - They've insulted me! - Ha! What'd you expect? He's the only one who wanted to come. But us two-- we sure didn't. Are you saying they'll cooperate only if I use force? Even if you use force, the Chinese may still not cooperate with you. Hey, no, no, no, no, no! What you say is just your opinion. Most of the Chinese will cooperate. I mean, after all, you came here. I was forced to. But still... I don't intend to cooperate. And I only came to find out what he's up to. I wanted to discuss the future of martial arts... but not anymore-- forget it! I'm sorry. In that case, I'll go back home. Since you people won't give me due respect... I shall return the compliment. So in future, you'd better be careful! You know, it's so big, there's no end. Silly. Of course there's an end. Hey, look! There's the kid who stole our things. Yes. - What is it? - Still not learning kung fu? What for-- so I can fight? Fight? Fight who? Don't give me that. TheJaps, of course. You guys want to fight them, and you want me to help. - You don't have to fight. - Then why learn it? It's hard, takes a lot of work. It's not for fighting. Our kung fu keeps you fit. What's more, it makes you self-reliant. If you want to learn, I'll teach you. You'll teach me? Of course. Why not? Don't think I can? These two are both my students. Believe me? Would you like to have a go? No, I never fight with girls. - Wanna learn? - No, thanks. Up to you. See you. I hear you're Master Su's grandchild. That's right. Today it's his 80th birthday. So then, why don't you come for dinner? Congratulations. Please, this way. - Oh, thank you. - Congratulations! - Congratulations, Master Su. - Thank you. Oh, there you are! I just had to come here. - Congratulations. - Oh, thanks. You know, I must say, you look great. I mean, nothing like 80. You know, you look extremely fit. Just as handsome as you ever were. Oh, that's right. You haven't been to see us for a very long time. Hey, now, come on, let's not talk business. Master Su's a leader in martial arts here. He wouldn't go to your place, so you mustn't suggest that. Oh, you can't say that. I'm just getting older, getting useless too. Master Su, congratulations on your birthday. Oh, thank you, thank you. Now, get up, get up, get up. You've grown up now into a fine young man. I hear your kung fu's good. - Oh, no, but I try. - Good, good. Hey, you two! Why are you hiding there? Come on out. Come on! Excuse me. - My respects to you. - Ah, thank you. No need for that. We're old friends. Helong, show your respects now. He saved your life for you, remember? Oh, yes. Oh, congratulations, sir. Oh, get up, get up, get up. Fine young man-- good physique. Bet he's a good fighter. But you mustn't go around making trouble though... just because you're a good fighter, huh? Don't you mix with the wrong type, hmm? A lot of them around too. So you beware. Once you get involved with the wrong sort... it's difficult to turn back then, huh? Hey, look. The ones to watch are the traitors... who support theJaps here, huh? I know. Sure. You're often in trouble. At least, so I'm told. So then, you take Master Su's advice, huh? Uncle, who's she then? Never mind. Never mind. Master, the guests are all here now, so it's time. Right, right. My good friends... and all my dear relatives here tonight... today I've attained my 80th birthday. I'm honored you all came here. First of all, I'd like to thank you... for your kindness and devotion. So then, when I make my toasts now, they reflect my feelings. So my first toast, then, is for peace and plenty... to the people ofTaiwan. Long may they live. Long may they prosper in peace. And now, my second toast... is for unity, cooperation... and understanding amongst the kung fu schools. And for my third toast... I just hope that we can work to a common end. I mean, all of us are Chinese. We're just one big family. We live the same, we hope the same... and we have a common destiny. Let us strive together, come good or bad. Master Su, that was well said. You're the martial arts leader. What you ask, we will do. I just hope you mean that... and are not simply saying that in order to please me. - Oh, sure, sure, I do. Sure, I do. - Oh, good, good, good. Let's go in. Master, there's trouble. - Be right back. - Right. Well, Mr. Su, congratulations. Oh, thank you, thank you. I'm afraid we've gate-crashed though. - I hope you don't mind. - I'm delighted to see you. This is my daughter, Jen Da So. And this is Chinese kung fu top expert, Mr. Su. Oh, no, I'm not. I'm much too old now for martial arts. Mr. Su, I had hoped that you would teach me. Ah, I'm sorry. I'm 80 years old now. I mean, a real old man. But Mr. Su, there is a Chinese saying... " The older, the better." In kung fu, the same thing must apply. Is that right? No, no. I'm afraid it doesn't. I could learn from you. I'm sure of it. You flatter me. Thank you, thank you. That man, the one with the red face-- who's he? That's a famous Chinese legendary character, Kwong Gung. - A warrior. - Kwong Gung? What did he do? Legend has him as a hero... very good at kung fu and a brave fighter. And that's why theatrical folk have a very great respect for his memory. Well, he certainly does look very fierce. You know what? We have a similar hero too. Do you think that our hero was better than yours was? Ah, those are just legends. Who could say one way or the other? I say our hero was a lot tougher than yours was. Do you think so? I wouldn't know, 'cause I never saw them. You don't know. I'll prove it to you. Right. Who was the toughest hero? The Chinese or thejapanese? TheJapanese, of course. - You. - Sir? You be our hero. You go and challenge the Kwong Gung. Sir! Down with your Chinese hero! Whoever he is, let him come out. Fight. All right? All right to thejapanese! I'm ready to fight! Come and fi-- Let's go. Master? Grandpa? Master? Let's go home. Come on. You know, I came to Taiwan with hatred in my heart. I hated theJaps for what they'd done to us. And now those swine-- they killed my grandpa. Yeah, something must be done. Because if it's not, they'll kill us all. I have an idea. It may work. It's worth a try. I think I'll restart the school, the Ching Wu school. Think I can? Well, in this place, starting a school certainly wouldn't be easy. I know that. But still, I must try. We'll get the young men, the patriots... and wait for the right time. And one day we'll take revenge. Still, I'm just a girl. I'll need your help. You're a brave girl. I can see that and admire it. Don't worry, you can rely on me. - Whatever you want, I'll do. - Thank you. One, two, three... four, five... six, seven... eight, nine... ten, eleven... twelve... thirteen, fourteen... fifteen, sixteen... seventeen... eighteen, nineteen... twenty, twenty-one... twenty-two, twenty-three... twenty-four, twenty-five. Stop. Good. Keep practicing. What do you think? Okay? Not bad. - Teacher, be back. - Right. - What are you doing? - Looking. - Hey, come in. - No. - Age? - Eighteen. Teacher. I saw him outside. I dragged him in. I think he should join us. I wish you'd join. You'd be most welcome. And why not? Our kung fu keeps you fit. It's good for you. I told you before. I'm not interested. I really would like you to join us. Why don't you just try it? If you don't like it, pack it in. Hey! Why not try it? It won't harm you. No, thanks. I don't understand him. Hold it there. Ching Wu school? What is this? Who started it? Me. What do you want? Mr. Ching, since the old master passed away... his old school just sort of fell away. So Miss Lee thought that she'd try to start a new school. A new school? You didn't consult me. Well, why should we? It's a family affair. Nonsense. I tolerated the old school for a long time... out of respect for the old man. But a new school here? No way. No way? We'll do what we want. Have you got that? If you use my school's name, then you can. Get lost! Of all the schools here, yours is the worst. Get him. Right. Come on! - You okay? - All right. Mr. Chin, what do you want? I'll tell you. If you want this school to stay open... then adopt my name or close it down. - We should take your school's name? - Mm-hmm. And after that become traitors like you? Is that what you want? Go to hell, you bastard. You lousy bastard! Grab my hair, eh? Damn you! Now you get out of here! Go on! Hold it. Come on. Akumora, I've really lost face. You've really gotta help me to get revenge. Calm down. So what's so urgent? Tell me. What happened? Akumora, I tell you... your Di Wah school is no longer the best in this town. Oh? And which school is the best, then? And what is it called? They're calling themselves the Ching Wu school. Ching Wu? Don't know that name. Nor me. I'd never heard of it. I went there. I was gonna teach them a lesson, but got beaten instead. Well, maybe it's not them that's so good. Perhaps it's your school that's no use. It's not my school that's worrying me. I was thinking of your school. After all, they're not showing you respect. They're just ignoring your existence. Even said they'd never heard of your school. And they claimed that they were the best school in town. Oh? They really said that? Sure! I heard it. Right. I promise you... tomorrow I'm gonna smash that place up. And just what the hell is this Ching Wu school? If you must know, it's a martial arts school. Should be obvious. - Who's talking to you? - I'm in charge here. It's like this. After our old master passed away... the old school was closed down... and we've just started a new one. Have you? Why wasn't I asked? It's entirely our business. Why should we ask a Japanese? Because I tell you to! WeJapanese are in charge. We control everything. That's just garbage. Get this. TheJapanese are the best. Now then, the name of the school. Just what does " Ching Wu" mean? So you don't know what the words mean? Right. I'll tell you. " Ching," that means unity. " Wu," that means resistance. Well, that's not a bad name at all. But still, you change it. Now listen. Let me ask you. What if we object to the name of your school? Would you change it then? Would you? You Taiwan pigs! You dare compare yourself with us? Daughter, get that sign. Right. Yes. That's very good. Right. Let's take this trash away. All right. Go on home. Now listen! Do you see this school sign? I didn't like it, so I closed it. - Hey, listen. What's all this? - Mind your own business. We're in charge... and you'll do what you're told. No freedom. You'll just obey our orders. Goddamn it. In the martial arts, thejapanese are the best. So if you want to learn it, you study it at my school. Otherwise you enroll at any other school, I'll wreck the damn place! Damn him. If you don't agree... then step out and say so. I kill Chinese just like I kill dogs. Your lives are worthless! And if you should disobey me... you're as good as dead! We're gonna run this place as we like. If anyone tries to resist us, I'll smash their bones to pieces... just like this sign! Let's go. Bastards! All right. Everyone listen. Look. One. And two. But can anyone break the whole bundle? If so, I'll be his slave for life. Can anyone do it? Can they? Well, speak up. An individual may be weak, but unity is strength. Why do we let thejapanese insult us? Why sit back and let them tyrannize us? Why not unite and fight them? Right. I never wanted to learn kung fu. But from tomorrow on, I shall learn. I'll train till I know how to fight. We all have to train to fight them. And throw them out! Listen. If anyone wants to join the Ching Wu school... come with me. I do. My God, the boy has finally grown up. Helong. Know what? I'm real proud of you. Let's fix the sign and take it back. Right. Yeah. Come on. We'll come. Right. All the true Chinese come with me. Right! Yeah, we will! Mr. Hong, we brought your sign back for you. Thank you! Let's take it in. Yeah. Come on. Miss Lee, I know I was wrong. I want to learn kung fu. So will you teach me? I'd be proud to. We're very grateful to you. Thanks a lot. Besides, within you I found something. Found something in me? The true spirit and meaning of the Ching Wu school. Thank you, teacher. No, get up, get up. - Miss Lee. - Know what? Helong is just like Chen Chun. His attitude, his spirit. So much like him. Brother, rest in peace. The school can carry on... when there's men like you. Now Ching Wu fights again! That's good. Right. Again. Stop. Next ones. Enough. I must say you've improved quite a lot. - You're really fast. - Only thanks to both your efforts. I've something valuable to give to you. Give to me? What is it then? A technique of my master's, and perfected by brother Chen. Thank you. What is it? Fist of fury. Yes, hello? What? What's that? Right. Will do. Mr. Ling. Please wake up. What's wrong? - Orders. - Orders? - Arrest someone. - Arrest who? - Arrest some rebels. - Arrest some rebels. What? Where are they? At the Ching Wu school. Wake up. Wake up, sir. Listen, sir. I've just received orders to arrest some Chinese rebels... hiding out at the Ching Wu school. I'll be back here soon. Sure. Ouch, ouch! - What's the matter? - My stomach hurts. I'll be right back. Old Chin. - What? - Come here. I'm coming. What brings you here this time of night? - Hurry up. Go to the Ching Wu school. - What for? TheJapanese know there's some rebels hiding there. I heard them. They're on their way there now. Why are you suddenly so worried about the rebels? Are you stupid? Have you forgotten my son? He is studying at the Ching Wu school now. Oh, my God! I'll go right now. Help him. Miss Lee? What is it? Trouble for our friends. TheJaps are on their way here now. - How do you know? - Old Chin here told me. - They'll have to leave here. - Leave here? They don't know the way! - I'll take them. - You? It's dangerous. I know. But in all my life I've done nothing worthwhile. But I'm Chinese. I can't let theJaps kill our Chinese patriots. So even if it kills me, I'm going to help them. Thank you. Off you go. I'll handle theJaps. Right. Let's go. Open the gate! Open up! - Sorry, you'll have to go. - What's the matter? Trouble. TheJapanese have found out that you're hiding here. You must leave now. This man here will lead you. Hurry up. Not much time. You bring the equipment along. Listen. Take them out the back way, to the beach. All right? Right. Come on. Come with me. Right, forward. - Search the place. - Right. Mr. Hong, what is this? Sitting here by yourself? I am reading. I always read here, every night. It's a habit. Don't get smart with me. I know you've been harboring rebels here. Bring your students out. Well, if that's what you really want, I'll go get them. But you won't find any rebels. Now, I know there's rebels here. I advise them to step forward... to save trouble. Take my advice, and you won't be hurt. But if you don't, you'll be killed. Captain, all of us are residents of the town here. We're not rebels. See for yourself. All right, then. Who's in charge of this place? - Speak up. - Me. - Me! - Me! So you're all in charge. Well, no problem. I'll take these two first. Dealing with you Chinese, I've always been pleasant. Yes, and courteous. Now then, the reason for bringing you here... is in order that we can avoid unpleasantness. - Sorry, I'm afraid you've lost me. - What do you want? That's simple. All I want to know is where those rebels are. Tell me. - Rebels? What rebels? - Yeah, what rebels? Stop the playacting. I know you don't think highly of us Japanese. Do you? Well, irrespective of what we may think of you... it still doesn't make us rebels. But I never said that you two are rebels. But still, I promise, I'm gonna find out. Mr. Hong, you know me, don't you? Sure I do. Captain, I was born and bred here. You know me. I'm no rebel. And the lady-- your name is Lee. And I know that you came here from Shanghai. You see, I know most things. That's right. I'm from Shanghai. But so what? Do I have " rebel" stamped across my forehead? You'd better watch your lip! You don't scare me. Not all Chinese are cowards. That's enough. Captain. She's still young, that's all. Please forgive her. Young, is she? I'll help her to grow up, and quickly too! - Get a whip! - Sir! I'm giving you one more chance. Tell me the truth or you'll die. Kill me, but you can't kill the whole Chinese nation though. That's for sure. Let me tell you, the minute I came in here I was resigned to death. Captain, you should investigate this further. After all, you've no proof that we're rebels. You can kill us both, I know that. But the whole town will rise up once they find out. So what? Well, all right. Go on. Do what you want. Kill us. Right. Hey, hey! Hold it! Captain, what are you trying to do? Everybody knows Mr. Hong is a real fine man. He was born in this town. His family have been honest traders for many years. And they've never been rebels, I'm quite sure of that. You take my advice and you let them go, huh? - Release them. - Very wise. I'll guarantee them too. And you can have my head if I should be wrong, huh? All right. Let's go. Please, please. Taiwan is supposed to be under our control. But the general feelings of the people here certainly aren't. They all want revenge... and that is dangerous. What's dangerous? I can kill the whole damn lot off! My God, come on! Kill them all? With their numbers, it can't be done. You should read military history. Avoid massacres. Nothing more calculated to make them rebel. Yeah, I know. But this group all know kung fu, and they're a tough bunch. All right, what do we do? Let them do what they want? It's not that bad. You just leave it to me. Sure. You can fix them. Well, I do have a plan... to wipe the leaders out without looking official... or pointing to us. But I'll need your help... because I'll probably need to use your name in this. Of course! You say the word, and I shall be right there. Mr. Hong? Come here, and quickly. What's wrong? An invitation. It's from the governor's office... so you make sure that you're there or you'll be arrested. Right. What is all this? Let's see. My God, that's an order, not an invitation! Sure it is. And if we don't go, they'll arrest us. How could they, though? What reasons? Huh? Do they need reasons? Right. They'd love to move against us. Don't provoke them. I think we should go there. I'd like to know what they're up to. Well then, the better fighters will go there. Maybe half a dozen. - And the rest will stay here. - Right. Please. The Ching Wu school. We're late. I'm sorry. Well now, I'm glad you came. I have orders. They came from the governor's office. In future all martial arts schools come under my control. Well now, do you have any comments? In fact, since Taiwan is underJapanese control anyway... you have no choice. I will do just what I want. But still, as a martial arts man, I respect you. So I'd like to hear your opinions. Well now, have you got any views? Let's hear them. Well now, sir, that's very nice of you. And I'm sure that we'll all be pleased to put our school under yours. Ha! It may please you... but kung fu schools have always been separate... so why change the system? Different schools just mean different techniques. That's good. Makes for healthy competition. So why combine? Makes no sense. - I don't agree. - Well now, there's two choices. And one is all the martial arts schools... will take the name of my Di Wah school. The other one is to challenge my students, here and now. If anyone manages to beat them... I'll change my school name to theirs. There's no need for that. It's only a minor matter. Let's think it over. No! I want this thing settled, and settled now. In fact, my Di Yang school has always helped yours. We will do whatever you say. Your school and my school are like brothers. That's your opinion. Your school can never be compared with my school. You will change your name. Just like the others will! I- - I have to change? Ha! All your crawling did you no good. My two students will challenge anyone here. Those who object can step up. Now! Just be careful. I object. And I challenge your men. Are you aware that this will be a fight to the death? I am aware of that. Which one do you choose? Who cares? I'll take on the two if they like. No, you won't! They'll say thejapanese didn't play fair. Well, thejapanese never play fair, so that's nothing new. Let's start. Come on. Well, if that's what you really want. Begin. Well, now. Are you changing your name now or not? Even if you kill me, I won't change. That's final. Right. You better go home, and we can discuss this some other time. Let's go. Well, is there anyone else here who would like to challenge my men? Is there no one else here who has the guts? Nobody fights. And no one wants to talk. Well then, I take it you all agree to change your names. If not, this is your last chance to object. So speak up if you don't agree. All right with me. To change my name to Di Wah would be an honor. All right. And you? Damn it. - Hold it. - I challenge him. - Come back! - Don't! Right. Brother! I'll kill you! Helong, here! Right. Hurry. Helong, are you all right? I'm all right. Those damn Japanese. They're tricky. Now listen. If you want to fight theJaps, come with me. What's that? Captain, the Ching Wu school must have won. Get back. Come on! Come on, then! I'm with you! ♪Subtitles by♪ XQ2☻ Each year, a considerable event shakes the publishing world. In a few days, a million copies of a book roll off the presses. It's not the latest novel by a bestselling author. To be precice, it's a guide. The famous Duchemin Guide. On the awaited day, in a few hours its famous red and blue cover appears in every bookshop window. Millions of copies are sent out in the world, intended for future tourists who can't imagine visiting France without this sort of bible☻ which allows them, even with eyes closed, to swap their dollars, pounds, escudos, roubles or any other currency for the finest specialties of French gastronomy. The Guide's decisions make the front page of all the great dailies [RESTAURANT LOSES 3RD STAR] with abundant commentaries on those little stars [140 RESTAURANTS LOSE ONE STAR] awarded to deserving restaurants or subtracted from the failures. Its judgements cannot be appealed and have made the fortunes and international glory of some of them. But all of them, whatever their reputation; ALL, dread a visit from a mysterious inspector of the celebrated Guide. [The Wing or Thigh? ] Table for one? - Certainly. Yes, this way. The menu. Hello? This is the Coquille d'Or, may I help you. Are you certain? Very well. I'll take the necessary measures. Thank you so much. We have a Duchemin inspector in the room. - Which one? The fat one at table 5. - Are you sure? Did he have a coat? - Yes. The coat for table 5. Warn the chef, immediately. Gimme that. I'd like to order, please. If I may, sir. You seem to enjoy them so much. May I offer, on the house, another dozen oysters. Excellent, aren't they? They're fine, thank you. My order, please! Cruditées to start... I wish you, bon appétit. Duck with peaches... First of all a mineral water. The rest of the meal will blow you away! Oh, my mineral water! Bring that ice to table 5. He's from Duchemin! My mineral water! Can never be too cold, heh? No, no it's for 5. He's from Duchemin. I say, I didn't order all that! - A little extra service. Duchemin is at 5. Ah, my mineral ..! Hm. My mineral water My tisane? (herbal tea) While you peruse your bill, may I offer you a little armagnac? The gentleman's coat. Goodbye, sir. I think that went well. - We had some luck. We gave him the works. - Good thing you spotted him. Oh, I can spot a Duchemin a mile away. Can't fool me! I can spot a Duchemin inspector a mile away! Mr. Director, shall we go back to the office? No, it's early, we still have time to eat a little Japanese. Two restaurants at lunch? Overdoing it don't you think? One more month, the Guide'll be done, I'll retire and my son will take over. You don't think my son's capable? I haven't said a word, sir. Well, you pulled a face. I assure you! My son's very capable. You'll see, he'll astound you. - Is it tasty? (Oishi desu ka? ) - It is tasty! (Oishi desu) - Is it tasty? - So am I ! Victor, we'll plant soy beans. There, there and there. Soy beans? - Soy beans! (naka naka). Good day, sir. Gentlemen, how are you? ... Dubreuil? - Mr. Director, sir! - How was the Coquille d'Or? Excellent lunch, very good reception. A bit too good, I think they spotted me. Have you made a report? - Here it is. Maybe we should send someone else. - No no, it's all right. Marguerite? - Mr. Director. Did I phone at the right time? Perfect. Please write. Japanese restaurant - The Kobe. Sukiyaki with teppanyaki followed by sashimi and shabu shabu, all skips and somersaults before your very eyes, then, miraculously lands in your plate. Yes? The studio's ready for your photo. Ok. Hello, gentlemen. All the ingredients ready? - Yes, Mr Duchemin. OK, I'll start. For inspiration... music! ♪ [Ride of the Valkyries] No! Not, Wagner? ! Wagner's for big game! For boar, for rhinoceros... Pum pa-pa pum pumm! Really! But for Bresse chicken or lobster Roskow... you need something else. So, find me some music that's light, spiritual, subtle. And snap to it! ♪ [L'aile ou la cuisse] [Vladimir Cosma] Morand, will the Guide be ready by the deadline? Still 100 restaurants left, to classify. But if our inspectors take big mouthfuls, we'll be on schedule. Sir, have you decided to remove a star from the Petit Versailles? It's delicate. We'll have to redo it. Sir, the tailor is waiting. - Yes, coming. If you like to be greeted like a dog in a bowling alley,... risk your life with each oyster, and a heart attack upon seeing your bill, then, run to the "Délices de l'Océan". Sir! .. Woah! If you run around like that... you'll be inducted into the Academie Francaise in your underpants. Fine, I've stopped moving! - It's the studio, M. Duchemin. Yes... yes... no... Yes... Oh, yeah? ... Oh, no! - Your dentist, sir. - Hello, M. Duchemin? You sure it was for today? M. Duchemin, you're not my easiest patient. You can't come tomorrow? 'Cause today I feel all... M Duchemin, I came with my equipment. You really need all that? Open your mouth, M. Duchemin. Your mouth. Your mouth! The childrens' desserts test. - This is urgent. One out of twenty. Two out of twenty. - Zero - M. Godefroy. I came to show you two Academy swords... that I designed for you. The first has a pommel representing a thigh on a wing... and the second; a wing on a thigh. Perfect. You don't lack imagination. The first one's very good. A few signatures, sir. The mail must go out, now. That's fine, take this. Very good. Oh, that's great! Sir, tonight you're dining at the Richelieu Matignon. You asked me to reserve a table. - Is my son around? - Upstairs, working, in his room. Gérard, are you in there? - What is all this? - I was testing eggs. Oh you work too hard! 3 restaurants at noon, 3 restaurants at night. plus research work! - It's to be expected, papa. - Once in a while you must relax! So tonight, you'll dine, there. Richelieu Matignon? 3 stars! Taste all their specialties. Unlimited credit. Well, I had intended... Ah, no, forget all those suburban restaurants. You're feasting tonight! Go change your clothes. Look at him! - Hey guys, is Roland here? - Are you dressed for a wedding? Hi. Look what those idiots did. Roland, I've got a little problem tonight. You can't play? - I must eat in town, first. We'll shift the acts. You come for the 2nd part. No need, when Fissel's finished... send him to replace me at the restaurant and I'll be back. The circus in one hand and your father's Guide in the other How long can you juggle both? Lucky we have my father's books. How could we live on our gate receipts? 'Cause we play the suburbs, full of penniless, gate crashers. That's another problem. We need the money I earn. You're better off to pick one. I'll choose the circus when it stands on its own. Here... restaurant bills from lunch. Comments on the back. Good evening, sir. - I'd like melon with port... then, an egg in jelly, mackerel in aspic... foie gras on brioche crayfish in broth. Instead of the foie gras? - No, both. No, that's not all. OK, also a grilled mullet then a Bresse chicken a la francaise. And a calf's head... Ah... no, Charolais cheese. First the Charolais, then the calf's head. Tell me how's the sauerkraut? Very good, sir. -Bring me just a taste. Very well, sir. Could you rush it? I'm pressed for time. Understood, sir. Look my dear. Unbelievable! Where are you going? - I'm expected. - Sure took your time! - It's not just next door! Give him what I ordered. Don't forget the receipt. Who wants to play with Jumbo? - Me! Me! Jumbo will choose his own partner. Jumbo, choose! - Go on, Jumbo. Aw, he's thirsty! Drink, Jumbo. No, he doesn't wanna drink! Jumbo, go on. He stole the bottle! Sir, you've been chosen. Come on. Yes, it's a free shave! All free! Go on, Jumbo, go ahead. Aah! Stop, you made a mistake. He's the President of the Republic. Outta the way! We have to clean him up. -Should I? -YESS! Watch out, here we go! Heave, ho! Heave, ho! It's not him. It's not him. Yesterday, when I mentioned my son you pulled a face. I assure you sir... I saw you. You went "oh, pffft"! Yesterday my boy ate 3 lunches in the suburbs and dinner at the Richelieu Matignon. Look at this bill. No, you look ahead. Some dishes he odered twice! Wouldn't you call that, professional? Henry, stop a second. Oh, good morning, sirs! Excuse me, but I have reserved a table for me and Mr. Young. Park your ass in the corner. I go. The menu, please. Thank you. (What's with him? ) Salad of tomatoes and a entrecote 'bordulezz'. With coca cola? No, with beaujolais nouveau! Very, very good! Marvellous, wonderful! But very, very nouveau, huh? Where are the toilets, please? End of the hall, on your left. Just follow the flies. Two fried fish. What the hell are you doing here? What? ... The, the toilets. Looks like a toilet to you? - Ye..., no! I said, "end of the hall, on your left". Ah, yes! Oh! The bill, please. The bill, is very... very... If you can't afford it go picknick. Here, Gautier, analyse this for me. Done, sir. Lapré, your tour of the province... Yes, sir, I wanted to talk to you about that. Seems that most of the great restaurants are being bought up by a large company. Which runs a totally different type of restaurant. Which company? - I think it's the Tricatel chain. But they handle truckstops and in factory cafeterias! Seems they're diversifying. Promising material. But are you sure of your facts? No formal proof, just loose lipped confidences. We must be certain! The Guide comes out in a month. I can't unknowingly hand out stars to that canned food merchant! Can I help you? I'm the plumber, checking the radiators. Hello gentlemen. I'm checking the radiators. I'll be right back. Come in. Excuse me for disturbing, but regarding that plumber. - What plumber? - Tthe one checking the radiators. I'm not aware of that! He's no plumber! No idea what you're talking about. The plumber in your office... Yes ...is a fake plumber! I used to be a plumber, so I noticed right away. -Marguerite! - M. Director? There's a plumber checking radiators. Are you aware of him? Ah, it's not possible, they were checked last month. Yes, sir. - Keep very calm, Dubreuil. Don't speak. Just say one word: "Yes" Understood? I don't understand, sir. - What did I just say? You wanna get fired? But... "Yes, M. Director." - You caught on, fine. - The plumber still there? - Yes, he's doing... Dubreuil! - "Yes, yes... yes. Relax, be natural, Make like you got a huge raise. - Ah, thank you, M. Director. Fine... Now... very casually walk out the office and leave the plumber in. Then join us here. "Yes, sir." - Now, repeat after me. An aperitif in the print shop? I'll be right there, sir! "An aperitif in the print shop? I'll be right there, sir!" I'm waiting. - Do I repeat that too? - Jack ass! Assemble everybody. We're gonna... him! Get him! He'll go out the window. Head him off, quick! Stop. No, stop. Marguerite! My chandelier! Mr. Duch... M. Director! - Sir, sir! -Marguerite! Papa! Too the editing room! And tie him up! What about me? Aahh! Quick, a ladder! Hang in there, Marguerite, we're coming! Forget the ladder! My leg! Does it hurt? Call an ambulance. But the Guide comes out in a month. Call a temp agency you'll need a replacement. Leave me alone with him. For whom did you steal this dossier? Who is this dossier for! There! What did they pay you to do this? I... will give you... 200 francs... to tell me who's behind all this. He won't talk. Get you car and wait for me outside. - But... - No buts. Yes, papa. Shall I change? Do you have last year's layouts? Of course, sir. Alright, here it is... In less than 10 minutes... In less than 10 minutes, our plumber must escape. He won't be long. Get him! Don't let him out of you sight. Not so close or he'll know he's being followed! Faster, or we'll lose him! - But... eh... Where's the gas pedal? Careful, he's turning left. Oh, red light! We have a red light. - To hell with it! Follow wherever he goes. Hello, Lambert! You've got it? We have the future stars! We'll buy all these up, listed in order of priority. They themselves have no idea yet. If you'll permit me to say, M. Director General... you're, sort of, a genius. Oh, you can say it. Say it, I like it. How much did you pay? A million... Old Francs. (10,000F) I paid 32 francs. You stole the layout of last year's issue of the Guide. M. General Manager I... Come here. Come. The glasses. - Stop. - Why? One more and I'll tell my union. - You deserve it, admit it. Perhaps, but that's enough! - Calm down, Lambert... let's discuss it, shall we? Please? I'm looking for man with a beige, checkered Prince of Wales suit. What about? About this pen. He lost it. So I brought it. Must be M. Lambert's. M. Lambert? ... M. Tricatel's assistant. He'll be very glad to get it back. Would you like to sign in? - Ye... No, no. - Thanks. - Welcome. - Well? - I lost my pen. Yes, but I know who it is. - Yeah? The guy's called Lambert. Lambert? Who is this Lambert? He's the boss's assistant. Tricatel's. Tricatel? ! - Jacques Tricatel? - Yeah, the truckstop guy. Son, it's gonna be a real treat making this Tricatel pay! M. Bouvard, Charles Duchemin on the telephone. The Guide's director? - Yes. I don't believe it. Hello? - My dear M. Bouvard! You often asked me to be a guest on your tv show, "No Holds Barred". True, but you always refused. This time, I accept. Fantastic! All I need is you and my track record. On one condition: I want my opponent to be Tricatel. No problem. Tricatel vs Duchemin... we'll blow the ratings sky high. Only thing is... will he accept? That's your problem. I might suggest... a way to go about it. He should have the impression that it's his own idea. You can't imagine, M. Bouvard. How very pleased and flattered I am, to be the star of your show. Not at all, it's me who's obliged to you. You know, people of your calibre, today, are rare. It seems you're right. Anyway, I look good on TV. I'm told people can't take their eyes off me. -Sit, please. -Thank you. The only difficulty is in finding an adversary of my stature? You understand, I can't confront just anybody. Certainly not. I considered it and took the liberty of drawing up a little list of all the champions in your class. - Let's see. Lacour? ... Grotesque! Gallavair... He'd last 3 minutes. Lots, Lampolle, Jean... Why'd you cross this out? - Which? There. Duchemin. No, Duchemin wouldn't be fair. He's not tough enough. I don't share your view. Duchemin's a suitable adversary. Yes, but, how to persuade him? I think we'll have to proceed hypocritically. Give him the impression the idea's his. What do you think? I think, M. Tricatel, that you are heir to Machiavelli. Stop, sir! I didn't inherit daddy's, or anyone's, millions. I'm a self made man. Gentlemen I ask you to make an extra effort over the next days. An effort to get into absolutely perfect physical form. None of this... nyehh! You know my adversary, at least by reputation: a disaster! Up to now, we've ignored him; an error which might be disastrous. The danger grows every day. We must confront it early, directly, and put it in its place. Redoubtable ordeals await you. Yes gentlemen, it can be eaten. It's from Tricatel, start getting used to it. We need maximum information. Full reconnaissance. I need, right away, a scathing dossier on Tricatel and Company. Gentlemen, bon appetit! Wanna redeem yourself, Lambert? Yes, M. Director. Follow Duchemin. He'll be interested in me, certainly. I want to know all his movements. So, I go where he goes. Exactly. And you keep me informed. You can count on me, M. Director. - When do I start? When you've done the other shoe. I have to speak to you, papa. I've been putting on an act for too long. So, don't look at me like that. There's no need, you don't scare me anymore. I'm leaving. I've decided... Voila. Marguerite! Yes? Who are you? - Your new temp secretary. What's your name? - Marguerite, and you? I'm "Monsieur" Director! - Ok. How old are you? - 22, and you? You take shorthand? - Fortunately. Foreign languages? - A few. Parlo italiano, Jag talar svenska, I speak English. Muy bien! Write... If you want to die of a stomach ulcer... in the space of a few weeks... (then eat at "The Dindon Farci") ...a new restaurant in the Paris suburbs. I must speak to you, it's very important. Temp! Called Marguerite like the other one. You started to say something? No... Er.. Yes, but I don't... That's my son. - Are you sure? Please! Write hors d'oeuvres; at your peril... covered by a layer of dust as thick as you please, coquilles Saint-Jacques scavanged at an oil spill, You'll have, at The Dindon Farci, the worst meals of your whole existence, and with exemplary regularity. It's absolutely vile every day except Sunday, when it's closed. What? Want something? - No, I was thinking. Ah, right! Tomorrow we're off on a tour of the provinces. Ah, great. I want you to come it's very important Yes. No, no can't tomorrow. Absolutely impossible. I've got to see a lot of people. Never mind, it's too bad. It's my last tour and we've never gone together. Huh? I'd like to teach you a few tricks. Yeah, too bad... - No? ... Where were we? Miss, I'll have something to dictate tomorrow morning. At your service. Ok. You live far from here? - Yes, will you take me? Yes. You're very kind. My feet hurt. This doesn't bother you? - No. In Holland, we always wear clogs, not these. Ah, you're Dutch? - Yes. Are you always this fast with the temps? Huh? Y.. y... eh... Curious, you don't look like a boss's son who jumps everything that moves. Shy, huh? Eough! Say, can I invite you to lunch tomorrow? I'd have said yes, but your father asked me to accompany him on his tour. Really? - Yes. On a trip with my father? Several days. - Really? -Sorry, another time. Thanks. Papa, I cleared my schedule, I can come tomorrow. Attaboy, I'll tell Marguerite to stay here. Oh, why not ask her to come along? She might be useful. Yeah. Yeah, fine... Sure. How are you, Gérard? - Half a pint, please. We hit the road tomorrow. - Where to? On a tour with my father. So you can follow the same route and, voila! - Oh, that's some trip! - Getting some fresh air. The persistent buzz is that a certain number of restaurants, the glory of French gastronomy, are about to be bought up by Tricatel Inc. This sinister person has not yet terminated his demolition enterprise. He wants to wipe off the map the last defenders of quality cuisine. Or perhaps he wants to stifle the French ability to compare. Monsieur. - Yeah. I think we're being followed. Followed? By whom? A white car. It's been over 2 hours. Slow down, let's see what he does. I can shake him off if you want, sir. How? By going fast. No, ah, no. -Do you know how? -Do I ever, sir! Ah, but it's too late. Give'er the gun. Great. Thank you, sir! Hang on tight! Henri, not too much imprudence, please! I think we can make it. Like a glove! Not too scared? No, no, I love it. And you? Me too, me too. We must avoid being recognised. How's that? OK, I'm a rich doting father accompanying newlyweds on their honeymoon. I planned it all out. Slip on these wedding rings, it'll make it more realistic. Good evening. Good evening, sir. I reserved 3 rooms. One for me, one... for the newlyweds one for the chauffeur. Which name, please. - M. de Nédélec. De Nédélec... yes. Will you dine here? - Yes, absolutely. Gérard and I here. And Marguerite across the hall. I'd rather spend my wedding night with my husband. Where's my head at? ! My son and daughter-in-law, there and me here, of course. Not bad. I'll take this one. - Me too. What are you waiting for? I was unpacking. Unpack across the hall. We're here to work! Dinner in an hour. No, no. The other one. Oh. Come in. You have my bag. This is yours. Wait, I'll get it. You took my suitcase. - Really? - Voila! Stay here, I'll get yours. Voila! Thanks. Not mine. It's yours. What are you doing here? - It's my room. No, it's mine. My bed. My son's there. Go, go! - Very well ! - Across the hall. Go! Marguerite, your room! You, in there. I'm carrying her bag. - My bag. What should I do with this one? What should you...? I told you. My son and his wife there, and me here. Gérard, my bag. Analyse everything you eat. Romanais Courtis, 1964. Pardon me. It's throaty. It has legs. Attacks the palate dryly, yet not lacking in aftertaste. You may serve it. OK? Pissel... go warn Gérard. He's eating with his father Should I take his place? - Are you crazy? Be discrete. Evening, ladies and gentlemen. Oo, lala! Smells like art lovers, at this table! Buy my drawings now, before they're worth a fortune. Here, look. The first one represents a circus. Not many spectators yet. Hold on. Here we have a clown. A sad clown. Yes, but... May I? And on this third one, what do we have? ... ...a comedian who's not there! An missing artist. The other artists have been waiting a long time. Will he, won't he...? Will he, won't he come? This is not a flea market. Go sell it outside. Hey, hey! Incredible! Sorry. Gotta make a phone call. Excuse me. - Well? - It's certainly Table 5. That's the son. We're gonna clean him up, ok? Yeah! Heave ho! Heave ho! It's not him! I'm sorry. That was long! Yes it was long, it's a bit complicated. I made a call too, but you weren't there. Yes... ah... no. Because I prefer to phone outside. It's more discrete... so I prefer that. Curious meal, last night! It started very mediocre; tasteless ingredients of dubious origin, pretentious presentation, all of a sudden, paf, it improved in the second part. I wonder if I was spotted. Yeah, maybe. Tonight we play newlyweds? Ahn no! I have another plan for tonight. Good evening, sir. - We reserved 3 rooms. For Baron de la Cournelle? - That's right. Madame. Do you have someone to help with our baggage? I'm sorry. I have some problems with personnel. Could I ask you to do it? - I'll get it. Boss, please. Your bosses are all right! Oh yes, not like before. They've improved a lot. Not bad at all! How's yours? - Very good. - Yeah. - Excellent. It's abnormal! No better place than France for this! Cooked in beer! What's he doing? What's he up to? What are you doing? Why are you doing that? Aah! Papa, the owner's coming. M. Baron? A phone call for you. Fine. Does the Baron wish me to go in his place? You're too kind, M... Go and get that. Hello? Good evening... Duchemin! How's your tour going? Don't you have a booth? - It's not free. May I transmit your message to the Baron? A message? Ah... Great idea. I'm listening. Don't you find it curious, with a name like Duchemin* (on the road) to have a son who plays the clown in a circus? Could you repeat, I didn't get that? You, old fox! You understood. Your son will excuse himself, soon, under pretext of a phone call. Trust me, follow him. Who shall I say it's from? It's from, "No Holds Barred"! I'll transmit the message. A prank call, M. Baron. Quite. Excuse me, I have a call to make. Me too. Me too. Thank you! For the next number, we need a volunteer. Do we have a volunteer? Me! I can't hear you, kids. MEEE! Ok, Jumbo choose one, himself. Choose, Jumbo, choose. All right, he has choosen! Sir, come on up. Sit... voila! Now Jumbo will give you a free shave. Some lather! Go Jumbo! Well done, Jumbo! That's it, Jumbo! Go on Jumbo! Aaaah, la la la laaah! Watch out, you made a mistake! You, get outta here! . Look, that's the President of the Republic! We've got to clean him up! Ho... Heave, ho! Heave, ho! Aargh! Does it upset you, papa? Don't worry, in the least. Alright. I'd rather have found out differently. I tried to tell you, but... How long have you been? ...Tataratataaa! Since I took acting lessons, remember? Yes. You weren't too impressed. I asked you to choose and you stayed with me. Yeah then I started this. - Is it working out? It's all right. Pie in the face gags makes them laugh? Yeah. Oh! Let's say, I took this bucket and, whoosh! ... theyd laugh? Maybe, yes. The gag failed. - Like you. Maybe you didn't really wanna make them laugh. Oh you have to WANT to make'em laugh? - Oh, yeah. I don't want to make anyone laugh including myself. So, continue with your Ta tata tataa... Goodbye! You're fired ! On with the show! May I get through? You didn't finish your dinner. I'm not hungry. It was very good. You must finish it. All of it! Let me pass! - No. - Whaddaya mean, no? Follow me into the kitchen. I forbid you to touch me! Come! Eat! I won't eat it! Oh, yes. What's the meaning of this? - M. Duchemin. - Who? - M. Duchemin. Le Relais Des Cigales... Remind you of anything? Italian specialties. Packed every day. You took away my 2 stars! Remember, now? Oh, yes! You ruined me. EAT! Not very good, hm? Actually, quite bad. Now, I'm just the manager. And all day, I serve crap. But Le Relais Des Cigales was already crap. Maybe, but it was me who made it. -Why, this isn't yours? - Ah, no! Every morning, the big boss's factory sends it all - Have you finished? - All finished, great! Sit down! Now, you have totaste the rest. There's, escargots! Gina, serve the gentleman. - No, I'm fine. EAT! Go on, go... There! Ah, very bad, huh? One more... Another one. Terrible, eh? Yes. Gina, the oysters. Voila. Go on, there's only 3. A customer left them on his plate. Eat up. Eat up. Go on, go... What's wrong? That's lovely! Easy. That's nice! You sure they're fresh? Ah, no! But there are only 3. Next! The cassoulet. The sauerkraut. - Oh, no! Go on! Keep going. Poached chicken! Poached chicken! Poached chicken! Poached chicken! Hey! So, pretty disgusting food, eh? -Hard to get used to. - Oh, but one must! That's all there'll be pretty soon. Now a little dessert. - Ah, no, no. -You can do it. Go on a little bit! - No! You must. You will eat everything in the kitchen. -I can't. -All of it! So what do we do? Continue the tour or go back to Paris? We'll see tomorrow. Hi, you were here? In the audience, yes Did you rat me out to my father? No, I swear! I didn't know. - Is this all yours? - More or less, yeah. Don't you need a secretary? We don't earn much and my father's going to cut us off. I'll give you a discount, huh? What are you waiting for? Nothing. I can't go up, my father kicked me out, so... Come sleep with me. With you? - Yes, in my room. Don't be afraid. Nothing will happen to you. Oh! Just as friends, come. - Right, as friends. No noise, I don't wanna run into my father. Papa, what's wrong? What is it? What happened? What? - Cilnic... - Huh? A clinic? Ah! You can't imagine... Henri, drive me there in one piece This way we'll arrive quicker, sir. Oh, man! He pulled a carabine on me. So, I ate it all! - Gérard. - Yes, papa. You won't let me down, eh? - But papa, YOU fired my ass. - Can you wait till after the tv show? Yeah, papa, you can fire me anytime, no problem. You must eat, M. Duchemin. Look how lovely! Oh no, later! Later. I'll give you 2 shots to stimulate your appetite. - No shots! No way! The doctor promised! Well, he ordered it. - The liar! I hate shots. Doctor! You shooter! Doctor! Doctor! Doctarrgh! You're already better! One more, M. Duchemin. One more, one more. - Gérard. - Yeah, papa. Taste that. What is it? It's beef. - Does it have flavor? - Yeah, beef flavored. Those are green beans. - Does it have flavor? -Yup, green bean flavoured. Go to this restaurant, order all these dishes... And I eat them? You have them delivered here. - For who? - For me. M. Director? It's OK, I found him again. Ah, not a moment too soon! - Where? - In a clinic. Clinic? ! Why the hell is he in a clinic? Being treated. - Treated for what? That, I don't know. We must find out! - How? - I don't care. Handle it! I know all these dishes perfectly. I know where they're from. I tasted them dozens of times. Let me taste one of them at random and don't say anything. OK, let's go. Open wide. In your hand. Another beer. Your hand. Gérard, I lost my taste! - No! I have no more sense of taste. It's like chewing cotton and drinking water. Remember, I could recognise every ingredient? Now, nothing! What injections did you give him? - The prescribed ones, doctor. It's tragic, doctor. I lost my taste. I eat fish; I taste nothing. Meat, likewise. Wine is like water. What do I have doctor? Please, tell me! Ageusia. Who's that? From the Greek: A - lacking. Geusis - taste. Total or partial loss of the sense of taste. - No! -It could last a long time. That's tragic, doctor. Oh no no, we'll give you intensive treatment! But tomorrow, I appear on a tv show against Tricatel. Then, inducted into the Academie Francaise. If they find out that Charles Duchemin, prince of gastronomy Director of the world famous Guide has lost his taste the world will howl with laughter Ageusia. Ageusia? He suffers from ageusia. From... 'a' - meaning 'lack of' and 'geusis' in Greek - taste. Loss of taste 'Course, ageusia - loss of taste. It's Greek. What? ! Duchemin lost his taste? Absolutely, he can't tell what he's eating or drinking. That's ageusia! Are you sure? I just saw him. He's devastated and afraid it'll get out. Duchemin without a sense of taste? He doesn't want it to get out! Hello, miss. M. Duchemin's room, please. With a D. Room 179, 3rd floor. Elevator's there. Thank you. Papa! - Papa! - Whaaa...? Journalists and photographers. - Here? ! - Downstairs, on their way up. Papa, we gotta get outta here. How? Oh yeah, good point! Oh, wait here! - Let's take the stairs. - Yes, the service stairs. I'm back! Quick, hurry. Get on this. Aww! Where's he at? Look, his name's on the chart. You OK, papa? Were are you taking me? - The parking lot. That's him! Quick, after him! Hang on, papa! Papa! No, don't touch him! No! It's not him! - Where is he? - Eh... Let's go. What's this. What's this? I don't want my picture taken. Don't insist! -There you are! -There he is! C'mon! Hurry, papa! Here we are. You're fine here. No journalist will look for you here. I can't be in my pyjamas. - Why not? Well, to go out! Ok, I'll call Marguerite and ask her to bring you a suit. But in the meantime? Meantime, sit there and I'll get you something to wear. Voila. Hey! That's Suzy, she doesn't like strangers. Try these, they should fit. Come baby. Come, sweetie. Oop-la! That's papa. Not much better than pyjamas. At least I can go out like this. Papa, were are you going? Where are you going? Let me go. I have to find something or Tricatel will... Find what? The factory. - What factory? There's a plant where it all comes from. I must find it! It's the only way out of this. Papa, you're in no condition to go. I can't even get angry anymore. Oh, you can't get angry? Well, I can! Get in the caravan, take your medication and wait till I get back. Go! If this factory's so well guarded, how can we penetrate it? I have a system, but you're not coming. So the old man's out of the loop? He's useless, finished? I didn't mean that, papa! But it's very dangerous. Oh no, you'll see! You alright, papa? I have vertigo. Papa! Close it! Quick, close it! No, I'm hanging here. Marguerite, close it now. Papa, we'll land in the middle of the plant. So, my adversary hasn't arrived yet? No, M. Tricatel, but don't worry. If I know him, he's rallying his forces until the last minute. He'll need all his forces with what I've got on him. - Oh, really? - You'll be surprised. Well, 20 minutes to go. You'll be sitting there. -Here? - Yes. I can't wait to begin. Easy, easy. See, it went smoothly. Go ahead. - Why send it back? - It can't stay here. -How do we get out? -Aw! You'll see, come on. Hey boss, look. M. Tricatel? - Yes! - Excuse my interruption. - Yes. Plant Security Services just called. Plant gone up in flames? - No. They report two men managed to infiltrate the plant. Never! Notify the police! According to the report it's Duchemin and his son. Duchemin is in my factory, right now? Exactly. Shall I inform the police? - No, you fool. They can't leave that factory, at any cost! You mean..? We can stuff a few extra cans, no? Go on. -Voila. -Oh! Try another? -Go. They've started production unit number 3. Oh! Look ! Pull. Come on, come on. - What's that? - My alarm watch. -Why's it ringing? -Time for my shot. Shall I? -No! It's for your health. Ah, no! Oh, my watch! - What about it? - Get it. -No, come on. Why send me after it? Gérard ! Gérard ! Gérard, speak to me. Not cold... Not too cold, this time of year! They're in the laboratory. Cubic chickens and eggs! Cubic eggs are easier to crate. And featherless chickens! Pre-plucked to save time and labor. Taste. Is that petroleum? Exactly what it is. Exactly. Now watch. And voila, it's meat! -Taste. -Ah, no! -Taste! -Ah, no! Slowly... don't catch them. Herd them towards the freezer. Stay out there. They only have one other way out. We can get down there. They'r coming! No, no, NO! -It's a trap. -Really? It's a trap. Give me your tie. Easy. Ok. That's it. It's done. You can go now. It's locked ! Hang on! This way. You think they'll open the gate 'cause you're so charming? No, I think they'll do anything to stop us. So? Who says we have to use the gate? It worked. The police. They're coming straight at us. -They think I'll chicken out. Good evening, sports fans. I say 'sports fans', because, while tonight's show may not be organised by any athletic federation... you can and should expect a lot of great sport tonight. So this evening, no holds are barred. We made an extra 150 cans at the factory tonight, sir. Perfect. M. Tricatel, you're on. On the left of your screen, the emperor of industrial cuisine... the Napoleon of take-out... Tricatel ! Thank you, thank you. On your right, you'll see in a few seconds, the publisher of the guide bearing his name... famous author and redoutable critic... Charles Duchemin! Faster, we're late! - No, papa! A little setback. M. Duchemin hasn't arrived yet. This cop-out doesn't really surprise me. And why is that, M. Tricatel? He's afraid of me. Because this man who distributes stars and takes them away... a man who judges and condemns... a man who pretends to represent all of French cuisine... this man, and I know this from impeccable sources,... this man is incapable telling the difference between a sole meuniere and a Potée auvergnate (stew) Between a great Bordeaux and a little cider. We prepared everything on that table to put him to the test. If he shows up. Duchemin will not come, because he no longer exists. What he represents, doesn't exist. Complicated cuisine. For the privileged few, even more complicated. I... feed millions of people! And tomorrow... perhaps I'll feed the entire world. Simply. Naturally. And the likes of Duchemin will not prove me wrong. Well, M. Tricatel, you were wrong. I announce the arrival of Charles Duchemin. Music! I don't see him. Is that Duchemin? It's shameful. An impostor. That isn't Duchemin! Please, M. Tricatel, all France is watching. A little dignity. Dignity my ass. I want the real Duchemin. You're not M. Duchemin? I'm Gérard Duchemin, Director of the Duchemin Guide. The Director of the Duchemin Guide is 'Charles' Duchemin. He was... He retired today and I, his son, am replacing him. Retired today? -Voila, exactly. Who can prove it? - Me! That's him, Charles Duchemin! He has to pass the tests! I'm retired. - Oh sure, today! Exactly. Address my son, you murderer! - What? ! -Poisoner! Please, a little order. M. Tricatel back to your seat. And you, sir, since your son replaced you, would you kindly leave the stage. Absolutely, I'll disappear. -Don't worry, you'll do it. -I don't have your palate or your nose All I know, my father transmitted to me. He got it from his father, etc... going way back. You can't just drop the ball ! Alright, I'll try. Beef shank from Argentina, 3 years old. Exact. Turbot in wine. A bit overcooked. Exact. Right... supposedly a southern of French wine... actually composed of a third Italian wine, a third Greek wine... and the rest; colorants and other chemical products. Which M. Tricatel sells abundantly, to his large clientele. Careful, it stains! Exact. Excuse me, M. Duchemin, I'd like to show you something. -Me? -Yes. Look. There... it might interest you. I recorded it before the show by chance as a camera check. -...infiltrated the plant. - Never, turn them over to the police. The report says it's Duchemin and his son. Duchemin is in my factory, right now? M. Duchemin, I think your son's in trouble. Ah, no! He's not allowed ! It's not allowed ! Lovely vermillion skirt. A touch of purple. Good shine. It's a Bordeau. A Grand Bordeau. A bit of noble rot in suspension. Impurities settle slowly. This wine is 23 years old. It's a '53, a great year. Wine is the soil. This one is slightly gravelly. It's a Médoc. Wine is also the sunlight. This wine benefited from a lovely south-western exposure at the right slope. It's a... Saint-Julien... Château Léoville Las Cases, 1953. Exact. Your turn, M. Tricatel. Try and pass the test. Out of the question. I'm not a critic! But you feed others. It's even more serious. Don't you know what you feed them? Does M. Tricatel eat at restaurants to which I've given 3 stars? Ah, M. Tricatel, do your part. Oho, mm... Mm! Eat this. Disgusting, eh? Let's move on to the grilled fish. So, if I may, now I'd like to ask you to formulate a judgement on these products. It's vile! Absolutely, unspeakable! They tried to poison me! That's not food. Exactly! It's one your products and millions of people eat it every day. Impossible! Absolutely impossible. We got it at your factory an hour ago. - That's false! It's true! And you know it. Know? Wha...? M. Bouvard, could you have them run the sequence recorded before the program started. - - Run it. -Thank you M. Tricatel. -Yes. They report two men managed to infiltrate the plant. Never! Notify the police! According to the report it's Duchemin and his son. Duchemin is in my factory, right now? Exactly. Shall I inform the police? - No, you fool. They can't leave that factory, at any cost! You mean..? We can stuff a few extra cans, no? ...trim few threads and we're all done. Hurry. I'll never be ready if you keep talking. M. Duchemin, without you. How could I fit this? -Well, go faster. -I do what's humanly possible. - Yes. -Hello, papa. How do I look? Good. Great! They didn't overlook you. Magnificent! Why are you leaving me? - Papa, we talked about that. Is it definite? Yes, yes, yes and yes. You don't wish, one day, to wear a suit like this? Ah, no, thanks. I have my own. It's better than your clown suit! - Yeah, but not by much. Is that your farewell gift? - No, it's for Marguerite. She'll be overjoyed. Marguerite! My son has a giftt for you. You know, Gérard... I knew you hadn't forgotten me. Ah, I hired the other Marguerite and she's definitely staying here Ah! I need help. I hope you understand. Yes, you're right, papa. Is your decision still, so irrevocable? Eough! Could I think about it a bit? All the time you want. However you, get moving! Snap to it! I hope this luncheon will honor... the one we welcome today... that worthy defender of French gastronomy. That talented writer who sings, in our own language, the praises of our national cuisine. Charles Duchemin... to whom I say... according to sacred rite: "Bon appétit, Monsieur I'Academicien." Thank you. Chausson of Truffles a l'Imperiale, a recipe by Charles Duchemin. [End] ♪Subtitles by♪ XQ2☻ Every year, a big event sets the publishing world in a whirl. Within a couple of days, a million copies of the same book roll off the presses. It's not the most recent book of a successful author. It's the Duchemin Guide. Its famous red and blue cover appears in every bookshop in the space of a few hours. Millions of copies are flown all over the world for future tourists who won't visit France without this bible that allows them to exchange their dollars, their pounds, their escudos, their roubles or any other currency for the fine specialties of French cuisine. The decisions of the Guide make it to the front page of the big newspapers that comment abundantly on the stars awarded to or taken from the restaurants. These decisions are irrevocable and have given fortune and international glory to some of them. But all of them, no matter how famous fear a visit by one of the mysterious inspectors of the famous Guide. The Wing and the Thigh Do you have room for me? - Certainly. Come this way. The menu. Hello? This is the Coquille d'Or, that's right. Are you sure? Very well. I'll warn them all immediately. Thank you very much for your help. There's an inspector from the Duchemin Guide here. - Where? The stout guy at table 5. - Are you sure? Did he have a coat on? - Yes. - The coat for number 5. Better warn the chef right away. I'll take that. I'd like to order. Excuse me, sir, may I offer you another dozen oysters? Compliments of the house. They are excellent, aren't they? Well, thank you very much. My order, please. Some hors d'oeuvres to start with... And we'd like to wish you bon appétit. Duck with peaches on those little fingerlings and first of all some mineral water. Prepare yourself for a nice surprise. My mineral water. Put that ice in a bucket at table 5. He's the Duchemin inspector! You come back with that! - Can't keep it too cold, can you? No, to table 5. He's the Duchemin inspector. Looks lovely, but I didn't order that. - It's a little extra. Duchemin, table 5. My mineral wa... Isn't my tea ready yet? To help you digest your bill, may we offer you a small armagnac? - The gentleman's coat. Goodbye, sir. I think we carried it off pretty well. - Oh, we were lucky. We did the best we could. - Good thing you spotted him. I can spot a Duchemin guy from a mile away. I can spot a Duchemin guy a mile away. Mr. Duchemin, Where to now? Back to the office? No, we're going to visit a Japanese restaurant, called the Kobe. Two lunches a day? Don't you think you might be overworking? In one month, the Guide will be out and I'll turn over the firm to my boy. You don't think my boy is capable, is that it? Sir, I haven't said a word. Well, you pulled a face and then you went... But I assure you. He's a very capable boy. You'll find out. Go on. Me too. Victor, I want you to plant soy beans. There, there and there. Soy beans? - Soy beans. Good afternoon, sir. Gentlemen, how are you? Dubreuil. Yes, sir? - How was your meal at the Coquille d'Or? Excellent lunch, very well served. Too well, sir, maybe they recognised me. Oh well, have you made a report? - It's right here, sir. Maybe we should send someone else. - No no, never mind. Marguerite? - Good afternoon, sir. Did my telephone call come at the right time? Just right. Please write. Japanese restaurant the Kobe: Sukiyaki with teppanyaki followed up with sashimi and sabu sabu all of which seems to dance before your very eyes. Then, miraculously, it drops down in front of you. Yes? The photographer's ready. Ok. Hello, gentlemen. Alright, is everything ready? - Yes, mister Duchemin. To begin with, I need some inspiration: music. No. I love Wagner. But Wagner's for big game, like wild boar and rhinoceros. But for the small things like chicken or lobster you need something more delicate, spiritual, subtle. Now get with it. Roland, do we have the Guide ready by the date we announced? There are still a 100 restaurants to classify but if our inspectors take big mouthfuls, we'll be ready on schedule. Have you decided about restaurant the Petit Versailles? Do we remove a star? It's hard to say. We have to go back another time. The tailor is waiting for you, sir. - Alright, thank you. If you like being received like a dog in a bowling alley risking your life with every oyster you eat having a heart attack when you see the bill go straight to the Délices de l'Océan. Please. If you insist on moving around like that your entry into the Academy could be the end of my career. I'll stop moving. - Mister Duchemin, the studio. Hello, yes, no... Your dentist. - How are you, Mr. Duchemin? Are you sure the appointment was for today? Mister Duchemin, you're not my easiest patient. Yes, but can't we make it tomorrow? Because today I feel all... Mister Duchemin, look at all that equipment. But is this stuff really necessary? Open your mouth, Mr. Duchemin. Your mouth. Your mouth. The test of the childrens' deserts, sir. - Be right with you. One out of twenty. Two out of twenty. - Zilch. - Mr. Godfrois. I came over to show you two of my designs for the Academy sword that you'll wear at your presentation. On the first, the pommel represents a chicken thigh on a wing. And on the second, it's a chicken wing on a thigh. That's perfect. Extraordinary imagination. The first one's very good. The messenger is waiting, sir. You must sign these right away. That's very good. Much better. Mr. Duchemin, tonight you're dining at the Richelieu Matignon. You asked me to reserve you a table. Is my son around? - He's upstairs, working. Gérard, are you in there? What is all this? - I was testing these eggs. But you don't have to. We eat in so many restaurants. Leave the eggs to the laboratory. Well, it's all part of my work. - Once in a while you have to relax. So tonight, you're having dinner there. - Richelieu Matignon? Three stars, order all their specialties. The sky is the limit. Maybe I can go tomorrow, you see... No, forget about those suburban restaurants you've been testing. You have a feast tonight. First change your clothes. Look at him! Hasn't Roland come in yet? - You're not getting married are you? Hello. Look what they did. Roland, I've got a small problem about tonight. You mean you can't be there? - No, but I've got to eat somewhere first. I'll put all the acts on a bit late. And you come in for the second part. There's no point in that. When Fissel's finished he comes to the restaurant, takes my place while I come back here. Gérard, when are you going to choose between the circus and the Guide? It's got to be one or the other. You should be glad we've got those Guide books. Because we couldn't live on the gate receipts. That's because everybody's broke in these small towns. That's the problem. The money I earn there saves us. You have to pick one or the other. - I'd pick this right now if I could just break even each month. The restaurant reports from this afternoon. Good evening, sir. - The melon with port the egg in jelly, mackerel in aspic pâté de foie gras, crayfish in broth. Instead of the foie gras? - No, I want both. No, no, that's not all. Grilled mullet.. ...and the Bresse chicken And some calf's head. No, the beef filet. No, first the beef and then the calf's head. The sauerkraut. Is it very good here? One of our specialties. -Ok, bring me a small plate of it. Very well, sir. - I'm in a bit of a rush. Would you ask the chef to hurry? Certainly, sir. Look at my dress. This is unbelievable. Where are you going? - It's ok, I'm expected. You're not too early. - This place was so far away. Give him what I ordered. Don't forget the receipt. Who wants to play with Jumbo? - Me. Me. Jumbo wants to pick his own partner. Jumbo, go ahead. - Ok, Jumbo. He's thirsty. Drink, Jumbo. No, he doesn't want it. Jumbo, go on. Jumbo stole the bottle. Come on, sir, Jumbo chose you. A free shave. Go on, Jumbo, go ahead. Stop, you made a mistake. He's the President of the country. Ok, we have to clean him. Here we go. It's not him. It's not him. Yesterday, when I mentioned my son you pulled a face. I assure you... - You pulled a face and then you went... That boy ate three lunches yesterday and three suppers at the Richelieu Matignon. Here's the bill. Watch where you're going. He even had some dishes twice because he's a professional. Wait, stop, Henry. Go park your ass back there. What'll you have? Salad of tomatoes and an entrecote bordelaise. With coca cola? Where are the toilets, please? - In the back to your left. Just follow the flies. What are you doing here? - I'm trying to find the toilets. Does this seem like a toilet to you? - No, no. In the back to your left. The bill, please. Keeps the riffraff out. Look, Gautier, analyse this for me. Yes, sir, right now. Lapré, your tour of the province... Yes, sir, I was wondering if I could talk to you about that. It looks like all the big restaurants are being bought up by a large company. And one which is not interested in good food. Which company? - I think it's the Tricatel chain. But they sell junk food on the highways and in factory cafeterias. I suppose they're branching out. This could be very important. Are you sure of your facts? I haven't seen any written agreement, but I have friends who hear things. But I must know what's going on. The Guide comes out in one month. I can't be put in the ridiculous position of giving out stars to someone who sells junk food. Can I help you? - I'm the plumber, checking the radiators. Plumber. I have to regulate those things. I'll be right back. Come in. Excuse me for disturbing, but regarding that plumber. What plumber? - He's checking the radiators. Alright, so what. - The point I'm making... Spit it out. - He's a phoney plumber, sir. I used to be a plumber, so I noticed right away. Marguerite. - What is it, sir? There's a plumber here for the radiators. Did you call him? No, those radiators were fixed two weeks ago. Yes, sir. - Keep very calm, Dubreuil. Now listen to every word. Don't say a word. Understood? No, I don't understand, sir. - What did I say? You want to get fired? In that case I understand, sir. - Wonderful, I may keep you. - The plumber is still there, right? - Yes, he's still here. Dubreuil! - I get it sir, I get it. Act very natural, as if I've just given you a big raise. - Thanks, Mr. Duchemin. We'll talk later. Now listen carefully to what I say. Walk out of the office and lock the plumber in. Right away, sir. - Now repeat after me. Come to your office for a drink? How very kind, sir. Come to your office for a drink? How very kind, sir. I'm waiting for you. - Do I repeat that too? Idiot. Get everybody. We've got him by the... Capture him. He'll go through the window. Get him. Quick. Stop. No, stop. Marguerite! My chandelier. - Mr. Duchemin! Take him to the editing room. And tie him up. Quick, a ladder. Hold on to something, Marguerite. Forget about the ladder. My leg. - Does it hurt? Call an ambulance. But the Guide comes out in a month. We'd better call a secretarial agency and get someone to replace you. Leave me alone with him. Who sent you over here to get this? Tell me who it was. Here. How much are they paying you to do this? I'll give you 200 francs. Just tell me who sent you over here. He refuses to talk. Get you car and wait for me outside. But I... - No buts. - Yes, papa. Do I change clothes? Do we still have the layout for last year's edition? Of course we do, sir. - Right, listen. Our friend will escape and you let him do it. He won't be very long. After him. We can't lose him. Not so close or he'll know he's being followed. Faster, faster, he's getting away. - Alright. Step on it. Careful, he's turning left. There's another traffic light. - Never mind that. Make sure he doesn't give you the slip. Hello, Lambert. You've got it? Do you realise what this means? We'll know who gets the stars before they do. Which means we buy the best and leave the rest. Mr. Tricatel, perhaps I shouldn't say this, but you are a genius. I don't mind anybody speaking the truth. How much did you pay him? - Not much, ten thousand. Well, I paid 32 francs. You've just bought the layout copy of last year's Guide, idiot. I'm sorry... I mean... - Come here. Come here. The glasses. - Stop. - Why? I'll tell my union if you do it again. - You must admit you deserved it. Perhaps, but this is enough. - Keep calm, Lambert. We'll discuss it, ok? Are you looking for someone? - A man with a beige suit with checks. What's it about? It's about this. He lost this. So I brought it here. Must belong to Mr. Lambert. Mr. Lambert's Mr. Tricatel's assistant. He'll be very glad to get it back. Do you want to write your name? - Yes, no, no. Thanks. - You're welcome. And? - I lost my pen. But I found out who sent the guy. Yes? - The guy's name is Lambert. Lambert? Who is this Lambert? He's the assistant of the boss, Mr. Tricatel. - Tricatel? Jacques Tricatel? - Yes, the highway guy. My son, I think this Tricatel is going to pay. Mr. Bouvard, Charles Duchemin on the telephone. - Did you say Duchemin? - Yes. I don't believe it. Hello? - How are you, Mr. Bouvard? You may remember asking if I'd like to do a guest appearance on your tv show, "No Holds Barred". I remember, but you always refused. Well, now I accept. Fantastic, I'm very happy about it. On one condition: I want as my opponent Jacques Tricatel. Well, no problem. Tricatel against Duchemin. Everyone in the country will watch that. Except... if he doesn't want to. Well, that's your problem. But maybe I can advise you on the right way to go about it. Give Tricatel the impression the whole thing is his own idea. You wouldn't believe how pleased I am, Mr. Bouvard. I'm so very pleased and I'm also flattered to be the star of your show. It's my pleasure, really, I'm very much obliged. People of your calibre are very rare today. You're absolutely right. I could have been a tv star. I've been told that. But then you'd be out of work. Sit down, Mr. Bouvard. - Thank you. One question: where do we find an adversary of my stature? That's our problem. I can't match wits with just anybody. Certainly not. I made out a list of people you might accept as your opponent. They're the top names in your field. - Let's see. Lacour? Ridiculous. Gallavair, I could destroy him in about three minutes. Lots, Lampolle, Jean... Why did you cross this one out? - Which one? There. Duchemin. - No, it wouldn't be fair. He's not tough enough for you. What do you mean? Duchemin's a perfect opponent. Yes, but suppose he won't do it. Well, I guess you'll have to be rather hypocritical about it. Make him think he's the one who thought of it. You see what I mean? Not bad, Mr. Tricatel. Are you any relation to Machiavelli? No, not at all. I didn't get any help from anybody. I made myself what I am. You men will have to give your utmost cooperation in the next few days. After which you'll thank me for whipping you into perfect condition. You all know my adversary. The man is sinister. Up to now, we have ignored him. An error which could have a disastrous effect. The danger grows every day. We must all give our utmost to meet the hated enemy without fear. This is the time for bravery and strength. I know it's difficult, but you have to eat it. It's from Tricatel. The maximum in information. Very detailed reports. I must find out everything I can about his food. Don't let me down. Begin. Enjoy your meal. I'm giving you a chance to redeem yourself. - Thank you, Mr. Tricatel. I want you to follow Duchemin. I know he's very interested in me. I want you to see what he's up to, Lambert. So, I follow him everywhere. - Bravo, Lambert. And report all your information to me. You may count on me, Mr. Tricatel. So, when do I start? When you've finished the other shoe. I have to speak my mind. As your son, I must be honest with you. I've been kidding you for some time. Pulling faces at me won't help you. I'm quitting this for another career. Marguerite. - Yes? Who are you? - I'm your new secretary, temporarily. What's your name? - Marguerite, what's yours? Duchemin, but Sir to you. - Ok. How old are you? - 22, how old are you? Do you do shorthand? - Yes, a little bit. Languages? Parlá italiano and I speak English. Muy bien. Take this down. If you want to die of a stomach ulcer in less time than it takes to mention a new restaurant in the Paris suburbs. I have to say something that's very important. She's temporary. Her name's Marguerite. She's replacing the other Marguerite. Did you have something to say? Yes, but... That's my son. - Are you sure? Stop that. Carry on. The hors d'oeuvres are so bad the worst dishes you have ever seen. This is offered every day except Sunday, when they're closed. Is something wrong? - No, I was just thinking. I forgot, tomorrow I'm doing a tour of the province. That will be nice. - And it's very important you come too. Alright, sure. No, absolutely impossible. I'm sorry. I've got a whole lot of... - Oh well, too bad. It's my last trip and I wanted you to come along. I'll teach you a thing or two. I'd like to, but... - No? - No. Where was I? Miss? I'll have a bit of dictation tomorrow morning. At your service. Ok. Do you live far from here? - Yes, will you take me there? Sure. - My feet hurt. I'm glad you came by. This doesn't bother you? - No. In Holland, we always wear clogs. You're Dutch? - Yes. - Are you always this quick with new secretaries? You don't look the kind of guy who jumps on everything that's female. Shy? Would you like to have lunch tomorrow? I'd like to, but your father wants me to go with him on the tour. Tomorrow? - Yes. - Tomorrow you're going with my father? Just for a couple of days. Another time maybe, ok? Thanks. Dad, I managed to put off my appointment, so I can come after all. Great, then Marguerite can stay here. Marguerite can come with us too. She might be useful. Ok, yes. How are you, Gérard? - A beer, please. Tomorrow were going. - Where to? - I'm doing a tour with my father. So you make the same tour and we'll join up every evening. You must be joking. - The fresh air will be good. A little bird tells me that a certain number of restaurants some of which are among the finest in France are in danger of being taken over by the Tricatel company. This sinister person is not going to stop. He wants to annihilate the last vestige of fine cuisine. Or perhaps Tricatel wants to prevent us from making odious comparisons. Pardon me, sir. I think we're being followed. Followed? By whom? The white car, sir. It's been there for a couple of hours. Alright, slow down and we'll see. I can shake him off if you want. How? - By going fast. - Oh, no. Are you able to? - Don't worry, sir. It's already too late. - No, go ahead. Ok, fasten seatbelts. Away we go. Henri, a bit more careful, please. We just might make it, sir. No. You're not too afraid? - No, I love it. And you? - Me too, me too. We must make sure they don't recognise us. How's this? I'll be playing the rich father going along with the newly weds on their honeymoon. I thought of everything. Put these wedding rings on and we'll fool everybody. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. I reserved 3 rooms. One for me, one for the newly weds and one for the driver. Under which name. - Mr. de Nédélec. Are you having dinner here? - Yes, absolutely. Gérard and I here. And Marguerite across the hall. I'd like to spend our wedding night with my husband. I must be getting old. My son and my daughter-in-law there and me here. Not bad. I'll take this one. - Me too. What are you waiting for? - I was unpacking. Go across the hall. You're here to work. Dinner's in one hour. No, that's my bed. Come in. You took my bag. - Wait, I'll get it. You took my bag. - Really? You see? - I'll go get your bag. Here. - Thanks. It's not my bag. It's yours. What are you doing here? - This is my room. No, it's my room. My bed. My son sleeps there. Very well, whatever you say. Marguerite, that's your room. You there. - I'm carrying her bag. - My bag. And what should I do with this one? I already told you. It's simple. My son and his wife there and me here. Gérard, my bag. Analyse everything you eat. Romanais Courtis, 1964. It has character. Sits well on the palate. You may serve. Pissel, warn Gérard. He's eating with his father Do I take his place? - Are you crazy? Be discrete. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. A table full of art lovers, I can tell. Buy my drawings now, while they're still cheap. This first drawing represents a circus. There's not a lot of people. - We don't want anything. Hold on a moment. Here we have a clown. A sad clown. Very sad. Wait, wait. You'll love this one. What's this one? A comedian who's absent. An absent member of the troupe. We've been waiting for him a long time. How long do we have to wait for this guy? This is not a flee market. Incredible. - So sorry. I have to make a phone call. Excuse me. Well? - It's them. Table 5. That's the son. We're going to clean him up, ok? It's not him. I'm sorry. - That was long. I'd explain the whole thing, but it's a bit complicated. I looked for you, but you weren't there. That's because I prefer to use an outside phone. It's more discrete and private. That was a strange supper we had last night. I thought it was very mediocre at the beginning. The food was tasteless, presented very pretentiously. But the second part was tremendous. So maybe someone spotted me. You may be right. Can we act like we're married again? No, I have another plan for tonight. Good afternoon, sir. - We've reserved 3 rooms. - For the Baron de la Cournelle? - That's it. Madam. - Have you got someone to help with our bags? I'm sorry. I don't have enough staff. Could you please do it yourself? - I'll get it. Please, let me get that. Nice people to work for, no? Yes, much nicer than they used to be. Not bad at all. You? - Very good. Quite. - Really excellent. - Something's wrong. You can only get this in France. It's been done in beer. What is he doing? What are you doing? Dad, the owner's coming. Mr. Baron? A phone call for you. Ok. Does the Baron want me to go in his place? That's very nice of you, Mr.... Henri, you go and get that. Hello? - Good evening, Duchemin. How's your tour going? Don't you have a phone booth? - Somebody's using it. Do you want to give the Baron a message? Yes, that's a marvellous idea. - I'm listening. It's amazing, don't you think? With a name like Duchemin that you have a son who's a circus clown? Could you repeat that? - You understood, old fox. Your son will go out tonight. Pretending to use the phone. Follow him. Watch were he goes. Who is this? - "No Holds Barred", my friend. I'll pass the message on, sir. A prank call, Mr. Baron. - Alright. Excuse me, I have to make a phone call. Me too. Me too. For the next number, we must have a volunteer. Who'll be our volunteer. - Me... I don't hear anything, children. Ok, Jumbo himself will choose. Come on, Jumbo, choose. And Jumbo chooses this gentleman. Sit down here, sir. Get him ready. Now Jumbo is going to give you a free shave. Well done, Jumbo. That's it, Jumbo. Go ahead. You've just made a big mistake. Shame on you. But that man's the President of the country. We'll wash his face, shall we? Did I hurt you, dad? - Don't worry. - Alright. You could have told me in a different way. I tried to, but I was never able to. Have you done this for a long time? Remember when I took drama lessons? Yes. - You weren't too happy about that. I let you make your own choice and you stayed with me. Anyway, that's when I started this. - And is it working? It's picking up. - The shaving cream routine gets a good laugh? - Yes. So if I took the bucket and emptied it, everyone would laugh? Maybe, yes. The routine failed. - And so did you. Maybe you didn't want them to laugh. I have to want them to? - That's right. I don't want to make anybody laugh and I don't want to laugh myself. So, continue with your... Goodbye. You're fired. On with the show. Pardon me. Do you mind? - You didn't finish your dinner. I wasn't hungry. It was very good. - You have to finish. Finish it all. Let me pass. - No. - What no? You'll follow me to the kitchen. - Don't touch me. Eat. - I won't eat. - Yes, you will. What's going on here? - Mr. Duchemin. Who? - Mr. Duchemin. Le Relais Des Cigales, my restaurant. You don't remember? Italian specialties. Packed every day. And you took away my 2 stars. Now do you remember? You ruined me. Eat. Not very good, is it? - Quite bad, actually. Now I'm only the manager. And we only serve crap all day. But Le Relais Des Cigales also served crap. Sure, but I made that crap myself. You mean you didn't make this? - No. Every morning, they send it from the factory. Have you finished? - Yes, I'm fine, thanks. You haven't finished. There's more crap you haven't tasted yet. Gina, escargots. - No. I'm not hungry. - Eat. Go on. Aren't they revolting? Eat another one. Terrible, no? Gina, the oysters. There we are. Go on, there's only 3. Left by a customer. Go ahead, taste them. Come on, eat them. What's wrong? Looks nice. Easy. How pretty. - Are you sure these are fresh? - No. But there are only 3. Three. The cassoulet. The sauerkraut. - Oh, no. Eat! The boiled rooster. The boiled rooster. Eat! Well, disgusting food, no? I can't get used to it. - You'll have to. There's more to come. Now a bit of desert. Try a little. - No. - A little bit. You must. You're going to eat everything in the kitchen. I can't! So what do we do now? Keep on travelling or go back to Paris? We'll see tomorrow. Hi, were you out there? - Yes, I saw the whole thing. You weren't the one who told my father, were you? No, I swear. Anyway, I didn't know. Is all this yours? - Yes, more or less. Don't you need a secretary? We don't make very much and my father's going to cut me off completely. I'll make you an offer. What are you waiting for? - I can't go back to my room. My father's there. He kicked me out. - You can sleep with me. With you? - Yes, in my room. Don't be afraid. We'll be fine. Just as friends, alright? - Ok, as friends. Don't make any noise. I don't want to walk into my father. Dad, what's going on? What is this? What's wrong? Hospital... - What, hospital? You can't imagine... Henri, can't you go a bit slower? - You told me to go as quickly as possible. It was awful, Henri. He had a machine gun. I ate a mountain. Gérard. Yes, dad. - You won't let me down now, will you? But dad, you just fired me, remember? - At least wait until the tv show. I will and then you can fire me when you want to. Now you must eat, Mr. Duchemin. Look at this lovely food. Some other time. Not now. - I'll give you an injection to give you back your appetite. No, not an injection. The doctor promised. He's the one who ordered it. - Liar! I hate injections. Doctor. I see you're doing better. - One more, Mr. Duchemin. One more, one more. - No, no. Gérard. - Yes, dad? - You taste it. What is that? It's beef. - Has it got a taste? - Yes a taste of beef. Those are string beans. - Do they have a taste? Yes, they taste like string beans. Go to this restaurant and order everything I put down. And I eat it all? - No, have it delivered here. What for? - For me. I found them again. - Ah, not a moment too soon. Where is he? In a hospital. - A hospital? What's he doing there? He's being treated. - Treated for what? I don't know. - But you must find out! But how? - I don't care how. I know all these dishes perfectly well. Let me try one of these dishes at random and don't tell me anything. Let's go. - Open. Your hand. Another beer. Your hand. Gérard, my taste buds are gone - No... I have no more sense of taste. It's like eating cotton and drinking water. Remember how I could recognise every ingredient? Now, absolutely nothing. What kind of injections were they? - The ones you said, doctor. It's a tragedy, doctor. I lost my sense of taste. I can't taste fish or meat. Nothing. Wine tastes like water. What's wrong with me? What's it all about? - Ageusia. Who's that? - From the Greek word geusia, taste. Total or partial disappearance of the sense of taste. The condition might go on for a long time. This is a catastrophe, doctor. No, no, we'll give you the finest treatment. But tomorrow, I appear on a tv show against Tricatel. And then I'm being received by the French Academy. If anyone finds out that Duchemin, prince of gourmets... Director of the Guide Duchemin, has lost his taste... Ageusia. - Ageusia? He suffers from ageusia. 'A' stands for 'no' and 'geusia' for 'taste'. He's lost his. Sure, ageusia, loss of taste. What? Duchemin's lost his what? - Taste. His taste buds don't work anymore. It's ageusia. Are you sure? - I saw him. He's afraid people will find out. Duchemin has no more sense of taste? He doesn't want anybody to know? Excuse me, miss. Mr. Duchemin's room, please. With a D. Room 179. That's on the 3rd floor. - Thank you. Dad! - What's wrong? - The reporters are coming. In here? - Well, they have to climb the stairs first. We've got to get out of here. - How? How? Yes, good point. Ok, wait for me. Let's take the stairs. - Yes, the service stairs. They're coming. Hurry. Quick, lie down on this. What? There's no one here. Look, his name's on the chart here. Are you alright, dad? - Were are we going? - To the parking lot. That's him. Quick. Dad? No, don't touch him. - That's not him. Where is he? - Come on. What's this. What's this? I don't want my picture taken. Don't insist. There he is. Hurry, dad. There we are. Now you're safe. Those reporters won't look here. I can't sit around in my pyjamas. - Why not? What if I go out? - Ok, I'll call Marguerite and ask her to bring you a suit. - But in the meantime? Until then, you sit here. And I'll get you something. That's Suzy, she's my friend. Try these on. Come on. Come on, sweetheart. That's daddy. Not a lot less strange than pyjamas. - But now I can go outside. Dad, were are you going? Where are you going? Let me go. I have to find something or Tricatel will... Find what? - The factory. - What factory? There's a factory somewhere. Everything comes from there. That's the only way I can save myself. But you're not well enough to do this. I can't even get angry anymore. You can't get angry anymore? Well, I can. Go to the wagon, take your medicine and wait for me. Ok. But if this factory's so well guarded, how are we going to break in? I've already figured it out, but it's too risky for you. So I'm too old now? All washed up, finished? That's not what I meant. But it's dangerous, very dangerous. -Don't worry, go right ahead. Are you alright, dad? - I'm dizzy. Dad. - Close it. Close it quickly. - No, I'm hanging here. Marguerite, close it now. Dad, we're landing in the middle of the factory. Has my opponent still not arrived yet? No, Mr. Tricatel, but don't worry. He's saving his energy until the last moment. I know him. He's right. I know some stories I could tell you. Oh? What does that mean? - You'd be surprised. Well, we've got 20 minutes to wait. You'll be sitting there. Right here? - Yes. I can't wait to begin. Easy, easy. - See, it went well. Go ahead. - Why do you send it back? - They can't find it here. - But how do we get out? We'll figure something out. Come. Hey chief, look. Mr. Tricatel? - What? - Excuse me for intruding. - Yes. The security department of the factory just called. What? Is the factory on fire? - No. Two men managed to get into the factory. Well, turn them over to the police. - It's Duchemin and his son. Duchemin is in my factory? - This very minute. Shall I inform the police? - No, you fool. Those two must never ever leave that factory. Are you saying...? We have some cans left over, don't we? Go on. Ok. - Let's go. They've started production process number 3. Look at that. Give it to me. Come on, come on. What's that? - My alarm watch. Why is it doing that? - Time for my shot. - Already? No. - You know you need it. My watch. - What about it? - Get it. No, come on. Get my watch. Gérard. Gérard, speak to me. Nice and warm. They're going into the laboratory. Cubic chickens and cubic eggs. Cubic eggs are much easier to put in boxes. And chickens without feathers. - They've already been plucked. Try this. Tastes like petrol. - That's what it is. Excellent. Now watch. Watch. Here we are: meat. You try it. - Oh, no. Don't catch up with them. Push them towards the freezer. Stay outside. There's only one other way for them to get out. We can go down there. Come on, let's go. - No, no, it's a trap. It's a trap. Give me your tie. Easy. Ok. That's it. It's all over. You can go now. It's locked. - Wait, come here. And you think they'll open the door for us? No, I expect them to do everything to stop us. So? Who says we have to go out through a door? It worked. The police. They're coming straight at us. - If they think I'm going to stop... Good evening, sports fans. Even though tonight's show was not organised by an athletic organisation I can assure you there is great sport in store for you tonight. So this evening, no holds are barred... There are an extra 150 cans at the factory tonight. Perfect. - Mr. Tricatel, you're up. Entering now, on the left of your screen, the emperor of fast food the Napoleon of take-away: Tricatel. Thank you, thank you. On your right, you're going to see the publisher of the guide with his name author and feared critic: Charles Duchemin. Come on, we're going to be late. - Don't do that, dad. A little setback. Mr. Duchemin hasn't arrived yet. This cop-out doesn't really surprise me. And why is that, Mr. Tricatel? He's afraid of me. Because this humbug who attributes you a star or takes a star away who judges and condemns this pompous little pretender to the throne of our French cooking this man is a humbug. And I say that on good authority. Duchemin can't tell between a sole and a stew. Between a great Bordeaux and a little cider. We have everything ready for a test, on the table there. If he shows up, that is. Duchemin will not appear, because he doesn't exist anymore. I mean, what he represents, doesn't exist anymore. Complicated food, for privileged people. I feed millions of people and tomorrow maybe the whole world. Simple food. Natural food. And Duchemin is not going to prove me wrong. Well, Mr. Tricatel, you were wrong. Because Charles Duchemin has arrived. Music. So that's Duchemin? It's an insult. He's an impostor. That isn't Duchemin. Please, Mr. Tricatel, you're on tv. A bit of dignity. Dignity my ass. I want the real Duchemin. You're not Mr. Duchemin? I'm Gérard Duchemin. Owner of the Duchemin Guide. The owner of that so-called Guide is Charles Duchemin. He was. He retired today and I, his son, succeed him. Retired today? - Exactly. But who can prove it? - I can. That's Charles Duchemin, he has to pass the test. No, I'm retired. - Right, today. From now on you deal only with him, you murderer. - What? You poisoner. Just a minute. Just sit down. And you, Mr. Duchemin, since you have been replaced it wouldn't be fair for the both of you to remain here. Absolutely, I'll disappear. Don't worry, you'll do fine. - Thanks, but I'm not the man you are. I learned it all from my father, like you did from me. You can't throw that away. Alright, I'll give it a try. Shin of beef from Argentina, 3 years old. Correct. Turbot in wine, slightly overcooked. Correct. Wine, supposedly from the south of France that's been adulterated with Italian wine, Greek wine and they added certain chemical materials too. Wine that Mr. Tricatel sells in abundance, every day, unfortunately. Careful. It stains. Correct. Excuse me, Mr. Duchemin. I have something to show you. - To me? Look, there. I recorded it during a camera rehearsal, before the show. They managed to get into the factory. - Well, turn them over to the police. But the men inside are Duchemin and his son. Duchemin and his son are in my factory, right now? Mr. Duchemin, I think you're son's having trouble. No, that's not allowed. That's not allowed. Substantial body, good colour. A great Bordeaux. A bit of sedimentation, nobly suspended. Impurities settle at the right speed. This wine is 23 years old. It's a '53. An outstanding year. Wine is like the earth and this is just a bit gravely. It's a Médoc. Wine is also sunlight. It benefited from a magnificent position on the western side of a gently sloping hill. It's a Saint-Julien, Château Léoville Las Cases, '53. Correct. It's your turn, Mr. Tricatel. Let's see how good you are. Out of the question. I'm not a critic. But you feed others. That's even more serious. In other words, you don't even know what you're feeding them. Or could it be Mr. Tricatel eats at those restaurants recommended by me? Well, Mr. Tricatel, fair is fair. Eat this. Nice, no? A bit of fish. At this point, I'd appreciate your very frank opinion about these products. It's horrible. They're trying to poison me with this. That's not food. - Exactly. It was made in your factory and millions of people eat it every day. Impossible, absolutely impossible. We brought this from your own factory. - You're lying. It's true and you know it. - I know? Me? Mr. Bouvard, perhaps we could see a little of that tape recorded before the program started. - Alright. Mr. Tricatel, there are two men who managed to get into the factory. Well, turn them over to the police. - The two men are Duchemin and his son. Duchemin is in my factory, right now? - Right this minute. Should I call the police? No, you fool, those two must never leave that factory. You mean... We have some cans left over, don't we? A few threads to trim off and we're all finished. Hurry. We'll never be ready if you keep talking. Mr. Duchemin, you were not here. What could I do? Go a bit faster. - I have to do it all by hand. Yes. - Hello, dad. How do you like it? - Very smart. You look great. Why are you leaving me? - We already discussed that. So is it definite? - Yes, yes, yes and yes. But one day, you could wear a costume like this. No, thank you very much. It's better than your clown's costume. - Not a lot better. Is that a farewell gift? - No, it's for Marguerite. She'll be overjoyed. Marguerite, my son has a present for you. Gérard, I knew you hadn't forgotten me. The other Marguerite is staying with us permanently. I need the help. I hope you understand. Yes, you're right, dad. Is your decision still irrevocable? I could stay a bit longer. - Stay as long as you like. But that does not apply to you. Now, get this done. I hope that this luncheon of ours today will do honour to our distinguished new member who has so valiantly defended the honour of French cuisine. A writer of great talent who has used his words to protect our cuisine. Charles Duchemin... I pronounce to you the sacred toast: Bon appétit, fellow member of the Academy. Thank you. Truffles in pastry, a recipe by Charles Duchemin. (DOOR SLAMS SHUT) Where do you think you are going? To search. We've got to find those killers. - The robots can handle it. - So can I! - (UVANOV): Where do you think you're going? - He's right, Commander. - (UVANOV): You stay where you are! - It would be quicker if we all went. We are not armed! There are two killers loose on board the ship, maybe more! The robots can handle the situation more efficiently than we can. I just thought you were in a hurry to get back to work. I am not in any hurry to get myself killed, Toos! - Thank you very much. - (ROBOT): What were you doing in the hopper? Don't ask me such silly questions. How did you know I was in there? (ROBOT): When I got here the gauge showed a high percentage of impurity in the ore. (ROBOT): I therefore checked. Well, I'm not surprised. There's a dead man in there. Murdered. Strangled. - (ROBOT): That is Kerril. - Oh. (ROBOT): Nearest Voc. Sub-priority Red 4, Section 5-2, V.17. (ROBOT): Commander Uvanov has ordered that you be restrained for questioning. (ROBOT): Please do not try to escape again. Is the Robot Command Circuit routed only through you? - (ROBOT): I am the co-ordinator. Restrain him. - Easy, now. Don't get excited! Doctor! Doctor, you were right. There was a body. Two of the robots, they took it to a special place. (D.84): Please do not cry out. It is important that I am not found here. Obviously! (D.84): If I had killed him, would I not have killed you, too? You still haven't explained what you're doing here. (D.84): You have not explained what you were doing here. I was looking for the Do... I don't have to explain anything to you. You're just a mechanical man, not real. (D.84): Do you know what this is? No. (D.84): I must ask... I must ask that you tell no one about me. Is there anyone left alive to tell? Oh, so we've caught one. But not soon enough, though. (LEELA): I didn't kill him. Ask this thing! You have to do better than that. - Why did you kill him? - I didn't. Tell him. That is a single-function labour robot. D-class. D for "Dumb". It can't speak. Has anyone told him that? You have cost me and the company money and you've killed three people. Can you think of any good reason why you shouldn't be executed on the spot? No. But you can, otherwise you would have done it. Don't get clever with me! We've caught the man, too. Seems he killed Kerril. Poor Cass... You must be stronger than you look. You must be stupider than you look if you think I did that. - Where is he? - (POUL): They're taking him to the crew room. - Come on, then. - Why do you use these? Robot deactivation disks. There was one on Kerril, too. - (UVANOV): Why did you have to tell her that? - (POUL): I assumed she knew. If we could have got her to tell us what those corpse markers were, we'd be halfway to a confession. Halfway to two confessions. Dask knew what they were. Which rather rules him out. - He wouldn't have admitted it if he did it. - Haven't you heard of a double bluff? You seem very keen to spread suspicion, Poul. Could it be that you've got something to hide? We've all got something to hide. Don't you think so, Commander? Bring that! I didn't kill him! I didn't kill him! No. Pity, but no. - Would you like a jelly baby? - Shut up! A simple "no, thank you" would have been sufficient. Return to your normal duty. - Are you alright? - I'm fine. Cass is dead. That one's ready to kill. I had to restrain him. Shh! They're dangerous because they're frightened. - She murdered him, didn't she? - How do you know he was murdered? - It's obvious. - You marked Cass for death. - (BORG): What? - You put a corpse marker on him. Yes, but I didn't mean anything by it. - Was Cass the same as the others? - Yes, exactly the same. - And who are you? - The Doctor. I assume you're in command. Yes. What are you doing here? Just standing here, talking to you. - I should be very careful if I were you. - (WHO): No doubt you would. What are you doing on this mine? We're travellers. We came here by accident. Oh, I see. A hundred million square miles of uncharted desert, and you just stumbled across us? - Well, it's a small world. - (UVANOV): Yes... I suppose it's also a coincidence that as soon as you two arrive, three of our people are killed? - Well? - Sorry, I thought it was a rhetorical question. Yes, it's a coincidence. Why waste time? We know they're guilty. - No, we don't. - We just hope they're guilty. He got trapped in the hopper when he was hiding the body. That's a fact! No! That's an inference. I wasn't hiding that body, I was finding it. It was put there for that reason; someone wanted to kill me, too. - The murderer? - (POUL): No, the others were strangled. - Why should he be different? - To put suspicion onto me. Why bother? You're a stowaway, what could be more suspicious than that? A dead stowaway. It's possible that he's telling the truth. As a lie, it's pretty feeble. Ever hear of the double bluff? - Yes, now that you... - (UVANOV): Lock them up in the storage bank. - (UVANOV): Put a guard on them. - I agree with him. It gets you out of an awkward situation, doesn't it? - Why don't you shut your mouth! - Shut yours. She's accusing me of murdering my friends. - You never had any friends. - Have you quite finished? Either one of us murdered them or they did. Which is the more likely? Erm... There is one other possibility which you have overlooked. We've heard enough out of you. You're a classic example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain. - Stinking murderer. - (POUL): Stop her! Come on, Borg! It doesn't matter. (UVANOV): V.8, lock up these two strangers. - I still don't like it. - I don't care if you like it, just do it. Alright, Commander. There are fewer of us now. We'll get larger shares if that's any consolation. No, Commander, that isn't any consolation. Tell me, Zilda: Why do you hate me? - You flatter yourself. - Let me tell you something. By the time this trip is over, I'll have more money than you or your fancy family ever dreamed of. May I go now, Commander? Zilda. (ROBOT): I will kill Zilda. Thank you. - Nice of them to leave our arms free. - Yes, I just want to scratch. - These metal straps won't budge! - Of course not. The robots bent them as if they were leather. Yes, then locked the molecular structure. The result are bands solid as cast iron. - It's hopeless. - I wouldn't say that. - (LEELA): What are you doing? - Concentrating. Every lock can be unlocked. It's just a matter of thinking out the combination. - How long will that take? - No more than two or three weeks. - Three weeks? - There are several million combinations. - You don't seem to take this seriously. - I'm taking it very, very seriously. I have an uncomfortable feeling that if the murderer doesn't kill us, the Commander will. That is assuming they're not one and the same person. V.21. Eject those figures. (TOOS): We're nearly 50% under target. - The first third of the operation. - (TOOS): You should tell the Commander. Tell the Commander what? Unless we find a rich vein we'll take the miner back half-empty, barely covering the operating costs. Don't worry, Toos. I've never gone back to base with an empty tank yet. - This trip could be different. - It's certainly been different so far. - I'm taking my rest period. - Oh, are you? If you don't mind, Commander. I'll have to change the duty schedule. She needs a rest after one hour on deck! Rest time is an entitlement. Yes, but this mine is already undermanned. I don't know how we'll make our quota. (ROBOT): Lucanol stream, bearing 2-4. - Yes, I see it, 16. - Stream bearing left. It's alright. Relax, Toos, relax. - (ROBOT): Ground centre veering 7-2-0. - We're losing it! Right centre, four degrees, V.16. For your information, Toos, I've never lost an ore stream yet. Right centre, two degrees. Someone's coming! (DOOR OPENS) - I'd like to help you. - You could undo these clamps. You said there was a possibility that we had overlooked. What is it? Be careful of him, Doctor. He's not what he seems. - Why do you say that? - You move like a hunter. - Watch all the time. - Are you a hunter, Poul? Never mind about me. What matters to you is Commander Uvanov. I know him and I know that it's only a matter of time before he decides that it's a waste of food, water and labour keeping you alive. - That concerns you? - I don't think you did it. I know she couldn't have strangled Cass. Not without knocking him out first, and there was no sign of that. Tell me what you know and I'll try to help you. Well... (COUGHS) Thank you. One of your robots could have done it. - That's your great theory, is it? - Mm. Well, my friend, robots cannot kill. - Their prime directive... - I know, I know! It's the first program led into a robot's brain from the simplest Dumb to the most complex Super Voc. But suppose someone's found a way of bypassing it. It's impossible! It's just impossible! - Bumble-bees. - (POUL): What? Terran insects. It's aerodynamically impossible for them to fly, but they do it. I'm rather fond of bumble-bees. Come on! There's something I want to look at. Erm! Thank you. The first murder happened here. Tell us about it. What was his name? Chub, a government meteorologist. I don't know much about him. He wasn't part of the team, just along to study the storms. - Who found him? - I did. I heard him scream. That was odd because he was strangled. So whoever killed him was strong. - Too strong for him to resist. - He could have been taken by surprise. Smash him like a pumpkin! Not everyone is as dumb as you You go ahead if you want to smash him Master, you can do it Are you sure? Sure! Look at you now! You're prosperous! What ? Gold all over! Even your teeth is gold! It's not! Well, almost! You're big now! You eat the best and wear the best You look prosperous But we always risk our lives We'll soon be dead if we carry on this way If you don't fight him who's going to pay this month's expenses? That's your business! I'll pay you 500 taels! Promise? Promise! - Word of honour? - No Word of honour! Don't you know him? He's a sex maniac Easy! Get up! Thanks, Master! Where is he? Go out first! I'll be right out! You rascal! So says the Master! Good moves... Quite good but nothing compared to ours! Get the fellow out! Control yourself! Be patient even if you want to fight I've no time to waste You must exercise patience if you want to win Otherwise, you've as good as lost Damn it all! I'll give you hell! Teach him a lesson! You, you... The Master's not home and I'm to take his place Be careful of that shark! Sure! You look so pretty! My mind goes dizzy! You're so big and strong! I'm a little worried! Don't be scared! Scared! Don't you worry! How about a little kiss? A slap's more like it! If you don't behave, I'll hit you! Hit all you want! Hit... - It hurts! - Let me soothe you No! Your hands are so big! Big enough to smooth your hair with If you don't behave, I'll really hit you! So you know kung fu as well? Just a little! Let's have a little fun! You're very rude! What hairy legs! Isn't that sexy? And such big feet! To step on you with! You fool! Wait! Slowly, I roll down the bamboo blinds! And watch my dear fellow lying on the ground! Are you angry? Naturally! That's great! I'll love you to death! Too light! I'll do it myself! Let me! He's a guy! So you're a guy! Strike all the way! One more! That's great! The money is mine! Bring it over! Great Master! Speak up! Where is Chen of the Sin-yi clan? I... Someone in the village has put up the Sin-yi School sign! How come there's so much money? Grandpa, don't feel bad if I should be killed one day! This money is to provide for you Your unfilial grandson Three in a row! Every technique is superb! Look! That's just the appetizer Watch carefully! One the head! Through the heart! See how obedient he is! There's more One for the top and one for the bottom! Careful of the roots! Just a block of wood! Hit until he gets the cramps! Right! The money will be mine! I'm itching to get the money! Nice? You purposely lost! Are you trying to get another increase? No more! We made a deal! This time, I don't want anything - Master, you can't leave... - You're leaving Stop! I admit defeat! Get the money from him Dumb ass! You can't go! That beast asked you to give me the money! I'm as good as dead! Who were you calling a beast just now? You... I... Not bad! I'd like to employ you as the instructor here! No way! This old man knows kung fu! None of your business! Are you alright? What is it? How come you're hairy all over? I'm not hairy! It's your glasses! Who was that fellow? I don't know! Look for him! Yes! Find him! Stand still! Who are you? I'm looking for my grandson! There are no grandsons here! Who are you? I... I'm the leader here! You even changed the name of your school! And that's the reason we prospered Where's Master? Where's the Grand Master? Where did he go? Grand Master... Stop looking! He ran off long ago! Who are you? I'm your Grand Master's ancestor! Lord Chen! At the walled village I've done it now! Grandpa will surely kill me! Does Chen Peng-fei live here? Rascal! "Chen Peng-fei"! Isn't that my grandfather? Chen Peng-fei, you can't run! I won't run! It's not that you won't run! You can't run! Don't you feel lonely in this deserted place? You've been following me for 10 years! How could I be lonely? Chen, today you die! I think you better dig your own grave! Where's your kung fu? Get up! Chen, you've no more strength! You're sick! Might as well finish you off! You... Just watch... "Eight legged unicorn"! Where are you going? Grandpa... Grandpa... If not for you, my grandpa won't be dead! If not for me, you'll be dead! That's my business! - Get away! - Calm down! If you didn't go round courting trouble Your Grandpa wouldn't be dead Grandpa... If you didn't leave a trail... Yen wouldn't have known where he was! Who the hell is Yen anyway? Why did he want to kill Grandpa? Because our clan is the eyesore of the Qing Dynasty! You belong to our clan? Right! Your grandfather has been looking for this person! "Eight legged unicorn"! You're not fit to be my grandpa's friend! You saw my grandfather being killed and you didn't help! How could I help? We could unite together and fight Yen! Where are you going? To fight them! Damn! You can't even beat a cripple like me How can you possibly fight him? If you go, your grandfather's corpse will rot and decay! Grandpa... Stay live and there'll be lots of chances for revenge I want revenge! You still have to eat Why aren't you eating? Eat! Don't just take plain rice Have some seaweed Come on, eat Lung, take a rest! Master, I'm not tired! Master! That's real tough! Come on, continue More strength pull... What? No strength? With you on top, how can I pull it? Well, I'm down now! How about it? I can manage it then! Painful? Naturally! That's because you don't know how to Yelp! What do you mean? Yelp! Yelp! It's OK! Yelp! Yelp! Yelp! OK No more! Why not? That's enough! Let's go home to eat! What are you up to? Won't you take one? Yelp! Yelp! Yelp! Yelp! You're normally very happy! Why that frown today? Too much yelping! Get up! - Out of breath? - Yes! Catch your breath then Breathe out! Breathe in! Close your mouth! Swallow it! Hold your breath! Yelp! That was a bit too late! Yelp! And that's a bit too early! You should do more breathing exercises Master... I'm here Such a lot of commotion and you sleep through it like a pig! Who's been here? If someone's been here, you would have had it! Looks like I'll have to keep one eye open when I sleep! Just like this! In training, you must use your brains as well Otherwise, you're only overexerting yourself You've already lost your voice because of it We'll change to another way of training What? I want to test your instinct and reflexes! See if you can get past that door Go on! Come here! Put your foot down and then get down Again It fell pull your hand back! Come again! Comfortable? Comfortable! I'll aim right! I'm afraid you'll make a mistake! Watch your steps Yes! Waist strength! Enough! I feel faint Come back You slippery fellow! I'll go! Oh, my hands! How about your legs? Up! Change! Cross! Hit the legs! And now legs in the airjust like a dead chicken! You entered the wrong door! Mind your head! There's still a window at the back! Right Useless bum! Master! Take it! Master! Not so bad eh? Not bad! Grab it! Supporting it I can't go on... Grab it! But I'm still one up on you! Lung, I'll go get some wine! There's the door This... I want this... - You want this? - Yes... - You want this? - Yes, that one... - I want it too - OK! Thank you Master, how come you gave so much? Who are you? Why did you trick me? Your techniques are so vicious! Why? He's a mute and he's crazy! Let's go! Don't know what's good for you! Bow! What's your grievance? How dare you hit me? You need the right opponent to fight You picked the wrong person I think he's really crazy! Give it to him! You must be tired of living! I'll help you achieve your aims! How dare you bite me? You crazy fool! Causing trouble everywhere! Sorry! He's crazy! Dumb and deaf! Can't take my eyes off you for a minute! Lord, our apologies if we've offended you! If you're his grandpa you should teach him properly! Don't let him come out and make trouble Yes! Go home, rascal! The "Eight legged unicorn"! That old man has disappeared! He can't get away! You're so impulsive! Fortunately, I came in the nick of time! If you don't change you'll never be able to succeed! I'm useless! I'm no good! Isn't it a bit late to realize it now? You're lucky that you're only slightly injured! Lucky? Fortunately, you didn't show the techniques of our clan He doesn't know your real identity! That's why he wounded you only slightly! Otherwise we'll both be dead I think you know the techniques of our clan well enough! I want to teach you another technique! It will give you a 50-50 chance against Yen! Only 50-50? How much did you think you had? It also depends on how determined you are But this technique is suited to you This technique is based on one's emotions Joy, sadness, melancholy, happiness! Play on the opponent's emotions and affect his judgement! This may be the technique to beat Yen! I'm going to teach you a new technique! It's derived from the "Wire" technique! The basis is to use your brains together with your strength Thereby exerting your power to the fullest And play on your opponent's basic emotions! "Joy" to subtly evade! "Anger" to attack as a wild horse! "Melancholy"- to adhere to the end! Happiness - to tease! Master Master Master "Eight legged unicorn"! I want to see how many legs you really have! Stop! How can three of you bully an old man? Kid, aren't you a mute? Only the other day! Normally, I speak better than you! Brother! I can handle him all by myself! After I'm through with you, you'll really be dumb! Beat You! I'll knock out all your teeth! You... In that outfit, what are you swaggering about? Weapons! Weapons! Go to hell! Even with weapons, you can't do it Let me see if you're still vicious! You're better! I can do it Go to hell! Get that! You stupid fellow! Don't come over! Watch that old fellow! Don't come over! Otherwise, I'll kill him Lung! Don't worry about me! Hand that to me! Kill him if you wish! Might as well let him die a matyr! It's better that staying alive as a cripple! Go ahead and kill him! Master, don't worry! I'll take care of you! Just how much is your life worth? We... You're all useless! Can't do anything right! old man... Stop your pretence! Who exactly are you? The person to avenge the death of Chen Peng-fei! What's your connection to the eight-legged unicorn? Damn! I want to exterminate you once and for all! Not that easy! I want to skin you alive! Get up! I think you've had it! You're out of breath! Steady now! Right! Steady and take control! I must get my second wind... Second wind... Still laughing? You're crying! You can't lean on me for life! Yelp! Yelp! Yelp! Yelp! Not "ya"! It's "yelp"! I won't even let you yelp! Yelp! Grandpa! Congratulations! Baby boys, twins. Look after Durga, while I go and break the news to her father. Congratulations, Mr. Dinanath. You've become a grandfather to two children. I'm a grandfather? Who is their father? I see you dancing everyday, still I'm not weary of you. Don't let him enter! - Who are you? Get out! Who is kicking up a fuss? - This old is trying to get in. Old man? Who? It's me. Do you recognise me? - I ignore young people. . . .on the second meeting. How will I remember old men like you? Out! - No. I'm not going until justice is meted out to my daughter. Justice, eh? Justice. You fool! Son of a gun! If I were to be fair with each and every man's daughter. . . .by now I'd have had ten-thousand fathers-in-law. Let's go, Father. We won't be given justice here. No dear, have patience. Vikram. . You destroyed my daughter's life. We're poor, we bore it silently. But now that you've refused to give the innocent children their right. . . .all their life they'll remain a blot to the society. I won't let you live in peace! I won't! Look at you, old man. You rustle like a withered leaf. Just one touch from me and you're going to embrace the graveyard. Stop it, Vikram. Enough. You've spoken enough. If I stop talking, my shoes will talk. No Vikram. Just think about the future of the kids. Oh yes. I almost forgot about them. Dump those misbegotten ones into some orphanage. As for you daughter.. she's pretty enough. Put her in a brothel, her old age will be taken care of. Vikram! Father! What happened to you? - My child. . Father! No. No. You are high on wealth and power, so you spurn a hapless woman. You refuse to accept your own children. But remember. There'll come a day when time will favour the kids. And they'll extract revenge from you. . And you.. you will beg for mercy from them. Yes, you'll beg for mercy. You'll beg! I? Beg for mercy? Mother Goddess, what kind of justice is this? He married me before You. And today he denies. He even refuses to acknowledge his sons. You tell me, Goddess. . . .what do I do with these innocent children? What am I to do? Oh, where am I to go? Like days and nights, joys and sorrows come and go. The truth is that, one who can't take on sorrows. . . .has no right to seek joys. - Accepted. But what else can a hapless woman do but cry. . . .who has no one to fall back upon? - When the world. . . .snatches away one support, God gives more. I know of a woman in the city, who has devoted her life. . . .to the welfare of hapless and destitute women like you. Go to her, and you will find refuge. I know no one in the city, brother. Now that you've called me a brother. . . .I must honour this relationship. Come, I'll take you there. Please come. More attitude, less professional. Greetings. Nice. Very, very nice. Are we ready? Come, please. Sit here while I talk to the landlady about you. I'll be right back. Champabai, how long? It's been half-hour. I'm losing my drunken ecstasy. I've brought sensuous stuff. He's going to be intoxicated forever. Really? - Show me, will you? Go, look her up. I'm no Jaggi if you don't enjoy. What a dish! - Fine, but what about the kids? Don't worry. I'll take care of them provided you shell out dough. Good. Go and wait in the room, we'll send her. Well.. - First introduce her. This is your landlady. - Landlady? She's like a daughter. What is my job? - It's simple. You can start right now. Come honey. Don't cry. - Go on, don't worry. It's your own house. He's our new guest. Make him happy. What. .? - Yes, else I'll flay you alive. Where to? Stay right here. Shut the door from inside. She's a late-starter, but she'll give in. Damn, she will! I'm a poor, respectable woman. I have kids. I was brought here under the pretext of a job. I beg of you, brother. Get up, sister. - Sister? Do not be afraid. I'm a police officer. I was informed that women from. . .. respectable families are lured here. . . .and forced to do this. Don't you worry. Jaggi, you are under arrest. - Police? Make a move, and this kid.. - No! No? Then drop the gun. Drop it, else I'll kill the kid. Drop it! Stop, Jaggi! No brother. You might hit the baby. Liquor for two bucks, and some peanuts. Get lost! - Move it! Want this kid? Out of the way. Out of the way, you cripple! Gangubai! Get up. Take care of the kid. You'll be paid handsomely. "Like flowers they blossomed.. " "Like flowers they blossomed.. " "And were set apart in no time." "And were set apart in no time." "Like flowers they blossomed.. " "And were set apart in no time." "And were set apart in no time." "Like flowers they blossomed.. " "In a world of plenty. ." "All a mother had was so little. ." "And what little she had. ." "She lost. " "Like flowers they blossomed.. " "And were set apart in no time." Thieving? - No sir, no. My mother is sick. I need money for medicines. Let me have it, please. - Want it? Drink. How else will you buy medicines? Mother! "Like flowers they blossomed together.. " "And set apart in no time." "Like flowers they blossomed together.. " What's wrong? Where do you live? Come, I will drop you. You drunkard. "Tormented and torn.. " "A mother she was." "Tormented and torn.. " "A mother she was." "It's a story of flowers. . . .plucked and torn apart." "Blossoms.. " "Torn apart in no time." "Like flowers they blossomed together.. " Idiot! Tap water comes only for two hours. Drink this. Go on. You will get it 24 hours. Watch it! - Don't worry. . . .just toning up my throat. Get that donation box. Here you are, Amit. - Hold the bottle. In the name of the Goddess? Why hide it away? It's for building a temple. You'll be given more! - I don't have money. I haven't made a cent yet. - Not a cent yet, eh? No. - You'll be given right now. What's this? - Sandal. Brand? - Kolhapuri. Size? - Can't see. Size 9. What size? - 9. Right, 9, lasts long enough for a hundred beatings. Nice. May the Goddess bless you. Are you through? - I am. And you? - Almost done, Amit. Got from all of them, except the idiot, the fatso. He isn't giving. Well fatso, gathered lots of fats, eh? Out with the money, or! Fair play all right, else I'll break everything. Give that too. How're the goings? - Still more shops to go. More shops? One by one will take a lot of time. Hold this. Keep the boxes here. Listen folks, the temple must come up before the festival of Navratri. . . .else I'll lose face before Goddess Durga. The boxes are kept here. Come one by one and donate. You will be blessed. C'mon, put the money. What're you looking at? C'mon, hurry up. C'mon, hurry up. We got to collect 50,OOO. C'mon, hurry up. Come on, hurry up. Put it in this box. Come. Come. What're you honking for? Donate money first, then we'll clear the way. Sir, they're asking money. What to do? Sir, we're collecting donations for. . . .building a temple of Goddess Durga. Who are you collecting for? Goddess Mother? Or your mother? One and the same. The Goddess is also my Mother. What sir? A tenner? The temple will need 50,OOO. How will it come up if rich men like you act so miserly? At this rate how long will it take for the temple to come up? It'll come up, sir. If the donations fall short, I'll get dirty. I'll rob and murder. But I'll see to it that the temple is built. Can you kill? - Definitely if I fall short of money Donate, please. You seem to be a useful person. Thank you. Ismail, make way for the car. Clear the boxes. Hurry up. Let him go. Greetings, sir. Get me my medicine. Brother Amit! Someone fleeced your father. - Fleeced? Where? - At the bar. Oh my God! - What's the matter? What's wrong? - Son, I'm ruined. I'm undone. I'm reduced to penury. Years back, I got a goon banished. The dirty man cropped up from nowhere. . . .and robbed me of my hard-earned money. My God! - And all of you were watching, eh? No, teacher.. - Forgive us. Forgive, eh? Where did he go? Which way? I've no idea where he went. He used to live on the Kali hills, near the Hanuman temple. Hey black coat! What're you searching there? This way, look who's here. I knew you'd come for sure. I'll pursue you wherever you go. Then take me on, sonny. You're destined to have it from me! Anyone can play with a gun. That's like it. Anyone can play with that. How about this? There goes. Who are you guys? To fight or to set up a trade. . . .in this territory, you need to ask Raghu don. Raghu don? So you aren't Raghu? - No, I thought you.. no? Forgive me don, my mistake. - It's okay. What's this? - Sandal. Brand? - Kolhapuri? Size? - No idea. No idea, he says. It's size 9. Mine is size 10, boys. 10, eh? Smart fellow! Take him away. Who is that who commands a salute? - He's the inspector. Inspector. Sir, I never knew you were an inspector. Forgive me if I have hurt you. - No problem. Message for you, sir. Sir, please don't book me. Else, I'll be in for a year or two. I got a clean police record. - It's all right, go on now. I'm sure you must be hurt. Forgive me. I told you, no problem. Go. Sir.. - Get lost! Yes? - Inspector Khan was shot. What? What has happened to my son? My son! Do not cry. You've lost a son but I am still alive'. I swear by uncle Khan, I'll avenge his death someday. Excuse me, sir. These are four suspects in inspector Khan's murder case. They're regulars at Jamnabai's brothel. If I fail to avenge his death from you guys. . I don't deserve to be a policeman. Jamnabai, call her. - She's getting dressed. Isn't she taking too long to dress up? She might take all the time, but I'm fully prepared. Will I do? Don't make faces, man. I'll show you such a stuff. . . .you might not have seen in your life. Here.. this. What's this? What is this? - Sandal. Everyone knows its a sandal. But what make is it? Kolhapuri. Those dons out there, use knives. . . .and I put this sandal to good use. What's the size? - 6. It's 9, and you say it's 6? Forgive me, I can't see properly. Myopic, hard of hearing, false teeth! And you dare come to a brothel? Get out of here! Out! Leave me! Aren't you ashamed? Get out! - Hey! Drunk again? Kicking up a fuss again? I held till the ritual of Goddess Durga got over. Once it was over, I guzzled a bottle in. Everyday you come and bug my clients. Why? Only when they stop coming here will you marry me. Say what? I've told you ten times! I'm not going to marry you. Why not? Man, yours is the right age. You're nearing eighteen. Once you're old, no one is coming to you. None of these guys. Guys. . No. - What did I say? None of them. Only me. Even after my hairs turn grey I'll keep coming here. Let's go, guys. - Go on. Where are you folks going? Sit. Don't fall for his words. I'll dance. Is it? All right, if you dance, I'm going to sing. "You're losing your youth." "You're losing your youth." "Who's going to care for you?" "Try something. " "Yes love, do something." "Mere words won't help." "Mere words won't help." "I'm not going to give in. . . .no matter how hard you try." "Try your very best. " "For my dancing-bells, I have a thousand admirers." "For my dancing-bells, I have a thousand admirers." "You're not the only one. . ..my heart has a place for millions." "How long will you dance?" "Someday your body is sure to tire out. . . .no matter how ha,rd you try to save it' "Try your very best. " "Love me, waste not the moments." "Break the dancing-bells and give in to me. " "Give in to me, break the dancing-bells." "Handcuffs, I shall wear. . . .but I'm not giving in to you. . . .no matter how hard you try." "Try your very best. " "You're getting old. " "You're getting old. " "Who's going to care for you?" "Do something, now." "I'm not giving in. . . .no matter how hard you try." "Try your very best. " So our information was accurate. Hey, stay put! Or I'll break your jaw. Pandu, take him away. - Wait. How can you take him away? I haven't yet dealt with them. Let me hand them below the belt, then you can take them. You? You are the one? - You are that inspector, right? Right. - Good day, sir. So you're here too? Wherever you go, you create trouble. No sir, trouble follows me wherever I go. But sir, please don't book me, my record will get a beating. All right, go now. - Everyone has to go someday. But sir, please don't book me, my record will get a beating. Will you shut up? - Put me in the cell if you want. . . .but please don't register a complaint. Ramble more and I'll handcuff you. Hang me if you want, but if you book me, my record will tarnish. Shut up! - I'll get out if you want, but. . .. my record shouldn't be spoilt, sir. Don't book me! Consider my record! Who are you? What're you staring at? I guess you don't recognise me? - No. 15 years back when your son. . . .was lying inebriated on the streets. . . .I was the one who brought him home. Do you remember? You are the one? - Yes. Come son, come on in. You've grown so tall and broad. - Loneliness stretched me. Burdens of misery broadened me. But your favour, I shall never forget. What favour? - I wanted to study. You encouraged me, also gave me books. Remember? Look mother, I've passed matriculation. Really? Wonderful ! Bless me. - Live long. . You're drunk, aren't you? Yes, I drink. But actually it's the liquor that's swallowing me. When your son was drunk, you had slapped him. One slap changed his life completely. . . .and he reached new heights. Had I a mother, had she slapped me. . . .I wouldn't have fallen so low. Who is it, Ma? - Look for yourself. You? - Yes sir. Why have you come here? - Son. . I came to express my gratitude for saving my life last night. Fine. If you want to express your gratitude. . And this is my house. - What're you saying, son? Don't interfere, Ma. If you encourage such people. . . .all the rogues in the world will start visiting our house. Do you know who he is? - I know him in and out. You don't know. Once as a kid, when you were drunk. . . .he was the one who picked you up and brought you home. Remember? Yes, yes. What did you say your name was? No, don't say. Let me guess. Amit! Right. - Strange! Why didn't you tell me before? - How could I? You didn't give me time, you just shut my mouth. Sit. - Have the oblations. I'm a devotee of Goddess Durga. - Then we can sure hit it off. Are you Goddess Durga's devotee? - I'm Mother Durga's son. The two of you remind me of my lost son. Had he been around he'd have been like yo'u. Consider me your son. I was lost years back. . . .today you've found me, mother. I'll answer it. Hello? - Inspector Kishan? I'll call him. Kishan, call for you. Hello? - If life is dear to you. . . .set my men free. Else. . Who's that? - Your father! What's wrong? Why are you upset? Who was it? Your father! If you don't want to tell me, don't. But why drag my parents in? I mean, he told me that. - Then say that. I thought you spoke about my father. . You love your parents dearly? No question of loving them when I haven't seen them. Implying? Your parents.. - No. I have no one. No one to fall back upon, no one to look after. Thought I found a brother in him, but he too acts on his whims. You aren't even married? - Ma, who will give him a girl? The rogue! Six months he is in prison, and six months he's out. Wrong inspector. Girls form a beeline outside my house. Come, see sometime. Then why don't you marry? - Well, none is worth liking. What's wrong with today's men? No girl attracts them. Same with him. He has seen many, but none attracts him. And how? I don't want an illiterate oaf. . . .and you don't want a modern girl. I'll accept anyone. Just get one. - Right, get one first. Hear that? First the dough, baby. - Giving, man. Don't you trust me? I don't even trust my father. What good are you? Here. - 50 bucks? 50 is past, baby. 100 works now. Know what? The police keep on raiding every now and then. It's hard to smuggle in the goods. - Give me, please. There's the girl in red who came with you. Get me a date with her. . . .and I'll give you a drink for free. - I can only introduce her to you. Then it's up to you. She's a shy girl. She's here to study the atmosphere. . . .for a college stage show. - Oh I see. Jai, one cigarette please For you. - Thank you. And this is for your friend. Just one puff, and she'll be rid of her shyness. Excuse me! Annu, what're you doing here all alone? C'mon, have a cigarette. Cigarette? No way. - You're going to act as a smoker. . . .in the show. Why not have a rehearsal right here? Come on, have it. No. - C'mon. Please. Drink. It'll take care of the cough. Good. Annu, this is Mr. Gopal. He owns the disco. Gopal, she's Annu. - Nice to meet you. Hello. You're staging a show that portrays. . . .the evil effects of drugs? Nice. I'm sure, it'll have a good effect over the young generation. And you know, I'm very happy about that. Give me all the tickets that are remaining, I'll have them all sold. Hey brother, quickly. Excuse me. Hey brother, one for me too. - Who are you? This is the first time I see you here. - I have seen the world. Seen all the hangouts. I heard lots about this place. . . .so I came here. We don't offer credit to first-timers. - Take this. That's good. Hi! What're you doing here? Annu, why don't you go on the floor? Dance will set your mood right. Hey brother why do you hold my arm? - To put on handcuff. Handcuff? Who are you? Police. Annu, there's a fight going on. Let's get out of here. Come on! Go to hell! Police? Take them away! Come on. Get in. Move it. Sit. Where do you want to go? Tell me. C'mon, tell me. - Me? Take me wherever you want to. - Wherever? How strange! Where do you want me to take you? You got a name, an address? "How do I tell you. . I .. my story? ' "How do I tell you my story?" "I don't have a house, no place to go." "Then?" - "I'm homeless." "Take me to your house." "If that's a problem, take me to your office." "I'm homeless. " "Take me to your house." "If that's a problem, take me to your office." "Hey stop it. Come down." "If it's an holiday, don't lose heart." "If it's an holiday, don't lose heart." "Just stop on the way. . . .near some hotel." "Hotel? Are you mad?" "If not a hotel take me for a mov'ie." "I'm homeless, take me to your house. " "If that's a problem, take me to your office." "I'm homeless. " "If watching a movie gives a bad name, sit in the motor car." "If watching a movie gives a bad name, sit in the motor car." "Let's go for a long ride, like lovers do." "What're you up to? What'll people say?" "Then marry me, take me to a temple. " "I'm homeless, take me to your house. " "If that's a problem, take me to your office." "I'm homeless. " "I think. ." "I've reached my place." "I think I've reached my place." "Not home, not office. . . .we've reached the hostel." r "Don't leave me stranded take me home." "I'm homeless, take me to your house. " "If that's a problem, take me to your office." "I'm homeless, take me to your house. " "If that's a problem, take me to your office." "I'm. " Kishan. Get up and have tea. Wake up now. Have the police started keeping girls' sandals for guns? Sandals? In whose pockets? - I see. What's this? Sandal? Oh come on, Ma. You think you can fool me? That must be some neighbour's. - Great! And that lipstick? Some neighbour's? Lipstick? - Yes. Tell me, who is she? - Who? The lipstick one, the sandal one. - Oh come off it, ma. Tell me. - Prepare my breakfast, my dress. I'm in a hurry. Fast ma, I'll take a bath and come. Greetings. - Greetings. Who are you? - I'm Annu. Well, you don't know me. I'm a medical college student. I'm here to do social work. Social work? - Yes. What's that? - We go and work at homes. And. . . .with the money people give in return. . . .we buy clothes, medicines for the poor. No dear, there's no such work here. Nothing? - No. One minute. Who is that? That? That's my son. Your son? - Yes. Please call him for a minute. - Why? Actually.. I got to apologise. Apologise? For what? For last night's antics. I see. So that's your sandal? - Sandal? Yes. - Where to? Come on in. But.. - Quiet! Sit. Sit! I've had it. Your sandals? - These? No, not mine. Your sandals? - Yes. Now tell me. Are you really here for social work? Yes. - What jobs can you do? Jobs? Everything that a girl can do. - Is it? Yes. - Come with me. Kishan is having a bath. Make an omlette for him. . . .iron his clothes. . . .and shine his shoes, fast. Okay? I'll be right back. Shine the shoes, iron and. . . .omlette! Ma! Quick, I'm hungry. I'll change after breakfast. Wonderful ! Looks like a special omlette. Anything special today? You? What're you doing? I shined the clothes, made a shoe-omelette. . . .and ironed the breakfast. No.. I goofed. - You're still on last night's high? I'm out to do social work. Get out of here. If ma sees you, she'll have a go at you. . . .she'll bash you up. - But she asked me to do all this. Yes, I did. What? - Aren't you trapped? Trapped? I'm a policeman, I'm not in the wrong. Yes, you're a policeman. But if you keep switching guns. . . .and sandals. . . .someday you'll make news. - Ma, she's intruding. I don't even know her. - Come dear. I know everything. Sit down. Take this. - Why're you giving her a coconut? To break it on your head. When the girl comes home for the first time. . . .you mustn't send her empty-handed. - What do you mean? Now out with a tenner, and give it to her. Tenner? For what? - For her social work. Social work? Why should I give? - Why won't you? Start the practice right now. When she comes here as a bride. . . .you'll have to give her your earnings. Ma, are you out of your mind? - Send a swift note to your family. Ask them to meet him soon. Postman. Letter for Basanti. - But I've told you, Basanti. . . .doesn't stay here anymore. She's in Bombay. I've already intimated. . . .the post office about her new address. Send the letter to that address. Okay. - Yes. My dear sister Basanti. . I haven't got replies to any of my earlier letters. You'll be happy to know that I've chosen a boy. His name is Kishan. A police inspector. His mother has also approved of me. She wants to meet the two of you. . . .and fix the wedding. So, come down to Bombay, to my hostel. . . .aS soon as you receive this letter. I haven't met brother-in-law as yet. This will be an excuse to meet him. Yours - Annu. Letter from whom? - Annu. She's found a boy. His mother wants to meet me. - So meet her. I will meet her, but.. - How long will you keep this secret? A family for myself is out of question. I'll have to withhold my true identity till. . . .I get Annu educated and married. Kishan.. oh mother, you? - Are you surprised? No, actually.. Kishan.. - I know, Kishan called you here. Shall I tell you why? He doesn't want to marry Annu. Right? But remember something, Amit. I like the girl. Kishan will marry only her. And you will get him to marry. I? But how will I? - I know nothing. If you don't get his consent, I'll break your leg. Get that? But what have I done? - You haven't done, you have to do. Do what? - What I told you. Kishan. I'll hide behind the tree. Okay? Amit! Where are you? I'm tired looking for you. What's the matter? - Let me take a breather. You know her? - Who? She. - Who? Annu. Wonder what names they keep. Ma is impossible! - What's the matter? She wants me to marry Annu. - So marry. No jokes, I don't want to marry. - So don't. I won't! Hey, don't be harsh. I must say no in style. Do something. Go to Annu, and tell her that. . I'm a bad man. I'm an alcoholic. I'm a sinner, a hypocrite. I have all the vices that you have. Are you listening? I have no time. Got to go to work. I'm listening, I'm also watching. I don't know whom to pay attention to. I don't care about that. But if you don't spoil my record before her. . . .I'll spoil your record. My record? Hey, listen, one minute. What if the trick doesn't pay off. . . .and she still insists on marrying you? All right, don't let her sister. . . .and brother-in-law make it to my house. Call them right here. The two of us will put the matter to rest. You dig? Hang on. Despite this, if they still insist on the wedding? Then I'll break your leg. - My leg? Which leg? This one? Or this? Let me guess! That one. - It's already booked. What? - Nothing. Go on. Crazy! Strange! Everyone is after my legs. Heed him, and mother's after my legs. Heed mother, and Kishan wants them. If I fail to deliver, my legs are gone. Curse my legs! Mother. . She's gone. Everyone has deserted me. Come on out! You're only one who never deserts me. You want to marry Kishan? He's a first-rate dirty man ! Very mean. If you get hooked to him, you're going to rue it all your life. Don't weep. Try to understand, it's just a rumour. Mother says that Kishan is one of a kind. Decent and honest. He's as great at heart as great as he looks. That means, if there's a gentleman on earth, it's Kishan. But. . r As far as I've heard he's a drunkard. Drinks imported as well as hooch. Visits casinos more than his office. He's also a flirt. No matter. . . .even if he's on duty, the sight of a girl just lures him. Either he gets the girl, or he gets bashed up. But mother says that let alone booze. . . .the stink of it itself stops her son from raiding liquor dens. As for girls, at the sight of them, he turns coy, like girls. Bashful eyes, careful banter. But. . Kishan says, come what may, he won't marry Annu. But mother says, she'll make. . . .Annu her daughter-in-law, at any cost. But.. - To hell with your buts! Sometimes you talk in his favour, sometimes you insult him. I thought you came to help me. But you're putting me in a quandary. All because, I'm all alone. Had my sister and her husband been here. . . .you wouldn't make a butt of me. I have no one who can talk for me. Serious situation. Now look, I'm very sentimental. A girl in tears really moves me. Well, where's your sister? I wrote to her, but I got a reply that they've gone on a pilgrimage. They can't come. - All right, don't worry. Tell me, do you love Kishan? - Yes. Truly? - Yes. That's it. Now I don't care. No matter if my legs break. . . .or my record is spoilt, I'm going to make Kishan fall for you! Or else, I'm no. . Name? Name? I'm no Amit! I'm not playing sister! You just know how to interfere in others' matter. I'm not interfering, I'm going to help someone settle down. You couldn't make my life, at least help someone marry. The girl is in love with my friend, inspector Kishan. Kishan? What's the girl's name? - Annu. Annu? - Yes. Basanti, I've promised her. If I don't get her married to Kishan. . . .I'll lose face. All right, but on one condition. I won't show my face. I'll cover my face. - Do whatever, but come on. Fine. I've made you help someone else get married. If don't make you marry me, I'm no. . Name? Right. Great music. Well I'm facing the musi'c. No one is here as yet. Not your sister, not her husband. . . .not my mother, nor my lousy friend. I think they won't turn up. Oh no, don't say that. They will sure come. Yes. No, no chance. Probably they mus t've met somewhere else. . . .and decided against the wedding. - Hey brother! Who says the wedding won't happen? Who is that? - That? He is. . I'm the lady's brother-in-law. - Right. And this is her sister. - Yes. See, they're here. My wife is sworn not to show her face until her sister gets married. And you jerk! You don't want to marry her? What's wrong with the girl? What do you mean? - I'll tell you later. Tell me, what's the length? - What? What's your height? - Five-eleven. Five-eleven? Is that fine, dear? Fine. - What's your weight? 62 kgs. - 62 kgs? Is that fine? - One minute. Yes, the weight's fine too. - What job you do? I'm an inspector. - Ticket inspector? No, police inspector. - I see. Look for the mole now. - Oh, I forgot. One second. . What is it about the mole? - It's linked to her heart. It's in her horoscope. The one she'll marry will stand five-eleven tall. . . .weigh 62 kgs and have a black mole. And you have all of them. Here's the wedding gift. - The gift? Oh no. The gift's for you. And please stop pursuing me. And find another man for the girl. - Where to? Listen to me. "Your marriage was made in the heavens. " "Believe it or not. . . .this is what the mendicant says." "Your marriage was made in the heavens. " "Believe it or not. . . .this is what the mendicant says." "Whatever you say.. " "I have nothing to do with it." "My marriage will take place only with my consent." "Why do we need elephants and horses?" "Of what use is a retinue?" "In your eyes, my love, let me be." "Where will you find a girl like her again?" "She moves around like a doll." "It takes a lot of pining from bees. . . .for such a rose to blossom." "Go away, let me go." "Do not tinkle your bangles." "I do not wish to be your husband." "Why did you gaze into her eyes?" "Why did you rob her of her sleep?" "Why did you gaze into her eyes?" "Why did you rob her of her sleep?" "You have given me a bad name, you stone-hearted man." "Beware the wrath of a Jat! Don't you turn her down now. ." "Quietly become the bridegroom. . . .or be careful of this stick." "Do not tie me forcibly to her." "You could get handcuffed for this." "What they say is true. ." "Love is a terrible affliction." "You have broken my heart. ." "I could stab myself to death." "Forget him, silly girl." "Do not waste your lovely youth." "There are millions like him. . . .and you're one in a million." "By God, I could die. ." "I was putting up a fake fight." "Wear this ring for me, my love." "Your marriage was made in the heavens. " "Your marriage was made in the heavens. " "Your marriage was made in the heavens. " Hello. - Listen. . My love, she's got her man. What happens to me? God knows. - Lady, God will know later. . . .let me tell you now. That's more like it. Mr. Jaggi, I know you control all the illegal trades in this city. And I also know that all the grains storehouses belong to you. So? - I want you to. . . .hand over all the storehouses to me. Really? What joy does it bring me? I want to make you my partner. My goods will lie in your storehouses. And what profits I make from them. . . .you will get 20 percent. Agreed. - Let's go, son. Why, what happened? - I didn't know how a big man. . . .could talk such crap. The storehouses are the means of my existence. When there is a drought, people yearn for a morsel of food. That's when I quote my price and earn my millions. And 20 percent. . . .is with what you're trying to lure me? - Then take 25 percent. Only cheapskates fall for petty baits. Find yourself some other partner. Do you know whom you are turning down? Silly question. Know who I am? In minutes I can get you behind bars. Mr. Vikram! We can have you hanged. If you don't believe, look at this picture. Nice photo. Looks like the job of my well-wisher. He looks sick. Give him treatment. I haven't done anything. Forgive me I did nothing. Spare me, please. Good luck. I didn't know how a big man could talk such crap. The storehouses. . . .are the means of my existence. When there is a drought. . . .people yearn for a morsel of food. That's when I quote my price. . . .and earn my millions. 20 percent is with what you're trying to lure me? With the help of this tape you can go. . . .in for at least 10-15 years. No? Daddy, what use squabbling? I speak no evil, I hear no evil, I see no evil. Same goes an old saying. So uncle, we won't let the word out. . . .we won't display the photo either. And you'll not let anyone hear the tape. Am I right, uncle? Daddy, say something. - Your son is smarter than you. Thank you. All right. You hold my weak point, I hold yours. Compromise is a must. Here's the negative. - We'll lock our weaknesses safely. The safe will have two keys that we shall share. Done? - We'll go fifty-fifty on the profits. Done? Done. - Thank you. Kishan, he's the one who came to bribe my son. But my son refused. I feel he's the one who killed my son. If he's responsible for uncle Khan's death, then trust me. . . .this time I'm not sparing him. Who are you talking about, son? - Uncle Khan's assassin. Let me see who it is. . Your dress is stained. Can't see it properly. The day I arrest him, you'll see him, ma. Someone is here to see you, boss. - Send him in. Come in. Hello. Hello. Are you Mr. Vikram? - Yes. I'm Inspector Kishan. Can I sit? Please sit. - Thank you. What can I do for you? - I want a favour. Tell me. - I hear, you're kind to the police. Sorry, sorry. I've never kept connections with policemen. You're misinformed. - No, the information is accurate. You tried to offer inspector Khan a big amount. He was murdered recently. Inspector Khan? - Yes. Inspector Khan? I've heard the name. Yes, I read in the papers. But I don't know him. Big men hardly remember trivial matters. Well. . I got a request. If you offer me what you tried to. . . .offer inspector Khan. . . .then I promise.. what unlawful things. . . .you wanted him to do, I'll do them. Unlawful things? I guess you are a new recruit. You mustn't intimidate a gentleman without evidence. Don't you know? Son, come up with some evidence, and then talk to me. It's time for my dinner. I don't talk while eating. Get out! Fine, Vikram Singh. Go on, tonight you have home cooked food. I'm no Kishan Kapoor unless I make you eat prison food. Boss, ever since this inspector has been here. . . .he has been a menace. That's what they said about inspector Khan too. But I got my men to kill this one. - Then? There's one man. He needs money. To build a temple. Idiot rogues! Put your hands in your pockets to save yourself from apocalypse. How dare you refuse? Climb down, son! You'll die if you fall. Let me die. I wish I were stillborn! I'd have.. . .spared of these bad faces. This bad neighbourhood is a pile of misers! Shameless! Go and drown yourselves! To buy a movie ticket in the black-market. . . .they shell out hundreds. But when it comes to donate for the temple. . . .they are cash strapped. Right opportunity. Tell him to jump. We'll build the rest of the temple. Amit! Jump off. We'll build the rest of the temple. Come again! - Jump off. We'll build the rest of the temple. Why didn't you say that before? You got me up here for no reasons. Hang on, I'll jump. I'll jump, okay? Coming. One. . . .two. . . .three? No, no, no. Who guarantees that the temple.. . .will be built after my death? What if they cheat on you after I'm gone? Man, I got brains too. Right? Son of a gun! If you have brains, use. And climb down, moron! The old man is right. Absolutely right. I was drugged and sent up here. Now they want to send me to heaven. Bad cheats! Thank God, I didn't jump. I'd have died. Had I died, how could I have faced Goddess Durga. I'm broke. You conned me, I'm stranded. For such a trivial thing you sent me up here. I started building you, but who will finish building you? My Father? Had I a father I'd have begged of him. He'd have come looking for me If not in person, he'd have at least sent someone to me. Today I realise, in times of need you can rely only on friends. Listen here, who is Amit? - Up there. When will friends come? And when will this temple be built? I'm broke. Amit, come down. My boss wants you. Hurry up and come down. Tell your boss to come up here. I'm not coming down. . . .until this temple is built. - Come down. Boss will give you money. Is it? I'm coming. Hang on, I'm coming. Coming. Money! Like a Skylab, I'll shoot down. Me and my intoxication! Zoom! How's the temple work going? Who's that? The temple work is going on fine. But. . Who are you? Why don't you face me? - Just answer my questions. Sure, ask. - I hear you need 50,OOO more. . . .for the temple. - Well yes, I do need. I can give you 50,OOO on one condition. Condition? Well, any conditions accepted. I can even give my life. Not to give, you got to take a life. - Sure, I will. . Take a life? - Yes. This man's life. Oh no, I just joked. I can't kill. Ask me to vandalize, ask me to hit someone, ask me to kidnap someone. I can do all that. But murder.. playing with knives.. God forbid! My sandal is my best weapon. This is what I use. He.. he is inspector Kishan. You want him murdered? - Yes. Why didn't you tell me before? He's my sworn enemy. But sir, first the dough. - Here's 25,OOO. The rest, after the job is executed. Fine. Keep the 25,OOO ready. You'll find his corpse within 24 hours in the sea. Listen. . Yes? - Not in the sea. I want him killed.. . .right before my eyes, during the festival of Navratri, in your temple. Idiot! At least you should've seen his face. How could I? He was sitting behind tinted glass. I was led blindfolded in and out. That leaves the hideout unknown. Then it's difficult. What to do? - What else? I'll kill you. What? - What else? He'll be there in person. He has paid me. Albeit, for the temple. How can I betray him? Are you drunk? - No, but I've got something. Look. I'll use this to kill you. Like this. . Why're you scared? This is just a toy knife. This is how it works. On that particular day, it'll be coloured red. Got the idea? Got it. But make sure you bring this one. If by mistake you get a real one, I'll be sacrificed. I'll certainly offer a sacrifice, but it won't be you. You mean it? - Yes. "Save us from the claws of evil, Goddess Mother." "Save us from the claws of evil, Goddess Mother." "Glory be to the Goddess Mother." "You are the greatest. " "Astride upon a lion. You ride, on the highest mountain You dwell." "I'm in a bind.. set things right." "You are the greatest of all." "Astride upon a lion. You ride, on the highest mountain You dwell." "I'm in a bind.. set things right." "You are the greatest of all." "Astride upon a lion. You ride, on the highest mountain You dwell." "I'm in a bind.. set things right." "It's a trying moment, calamity has befallen." "You must a show us a way out." "This world has shut all doors." "This world has shut all doors." "My life has become a struggle, O Goddess." "I'm in a predicament, O Goddess, set things right." "You are the greatest of all." "Astride upon a lion you ride, on the highest mountain You dwell." "I'm in a predicament, O Goddess, set things right." "O destroyer of evil.. " "You brighten up our lives." "For the lonely. ." "You are Succour." "You are Succour" "Heaven and earth offer salutations to You, O Mother Goddess." "I'm in a predicament, O Goddess, set things right." "You are the greatest of all." "Astride upon a lion you ride, on the highest mountain You dwell." "I'm in a predicament, O Goddess, help me." What's delaying the sacrifice to the Goddess? "Who do I offer as a sacrifice to please You?" "Enemies shudder at Your wrath." "Enemies shudder at Your wrath." What happened to her? What happened? - Nothing, she just fainted. Summon a doctor! - Wait. Why do you need a doctor when we are here? This is a house of God. Not medicines, miracles work here. But priest.. - No buts. I'll bring him to life. Do you have a room here? - Nearby is a cottage. Pick the lad and put him in my arms. Careful. Wait. I shall perform this miracle in complete privacy. Wait for me. Kishan! Open the door! What happened, Kishan? - He ran off. Kishan. Kishan. Are you all right, Kishan? - I can't see a thing, Amit. What? - I can see nothing. I can't see. - Kishan! Doctor, his eyes? - Corneal blindness. Doctor, do something. He's the only support I have. Restore his eyesight somehow. I've heard of eye transplant that can restore one's eyesight. Can it be done in his case? - Chances are there. Then give my eyes to him, doctor. He needs eyes more I do. Besides, my eyes have seen nothing but hell and nasty things. It's not possible. In such cases, we can use only those eyes. . . .that are destroyed due to cortical blindness. But at the moment, the eye banks haven't any of that type. Still you must apply for the eyes. - Okay. What's on your mind, son? - I'm evil. All my life I've been treading along evil paths, breaking the law. That's why my I don't expect much out of life and destiny. But. . . .but your son is a decent and honest man. And what did life offer him? You made him follow the path of truth. And what did you get in return? - What do those mothers get. . . .whose sons take on enemy bullets and get martyred? If every mother clutches her son to her bosom. . . .then no country in the world will enjoy freedom. And no mother will have the pride of calling her son a martyr. Well Amit, can you debate on that? I have no answer to mother's point. But I can certainly answer back. . . .the one who snatched your eyesight. - No, my friend. In a frenzy, don't do something that goes against the law. I know not what's for and what's against the law. All I know is that someone snatched your eyesight. I can't be at peace unless I destroy him. No Amit, this is no answer to it. If you have an answer, this is it. Yes, my friend. Wear the uniform and take my place. Police uniform? How can I wear it? You know that when the night sets in, I need liquor for support. I'm also aware of that. And I also know that for nine nights. . . .in a year, you abstain from drinks for the Goddess Durga. Can't you stop drinking for my sake? You consider me your mother, too. My name is also Durga. Agreed, Amit is your friend. What's surprising is that. . . .an intelligent and responsible officer like you speaks. . . .in favour of him. You're recommending a man who never ever cared for the law. Picking up fights and arson are his hobbies. His greatest weakness is booze. Without booze, he gets quivers. It takes more than a couple of drinks to quell the fire in him. That's the fire that only the booze can quell. But you haven't seen the fire that razed his childhood. As a child, before he could realise, he saw himself in a liquor den. At an age when parents tend to kids, he was carrying stoned men. . . .to their houses, which earned him two square meals. You can find many patrons of decency amidst gentlemen. . . .but seldom are those found, who, after consuming the poison of crime. . . .still harbour a desire to follow the path of righteousness. Call Amit. Hello sir. So, you want to join the police? - Yes sir. If you oblige me. I'm not illiterate, sir. I'm educated, cleared matriculation. Life offered me no support, so I used to study during nights. . . .under the lamppost on the streets. This is my certificate. Sir, give me one chance. I grew up amidst crime and sin. . . .so I know the root causes of all evil. Breweries, gambling dens. . .. black-market storehouses, smugglers hangouts.. I know everything. Sir, iron cuts iron. I grew up amidst criminals. I shall erase the criminals. Give me one chance, please. Give me one chance to wear this uniform, sir. If I fail to honour the uniform, if I fail to honour my friend. . . .you have every right to rip my uniform and my skin off. All right, I'll think about it. Thank you, sir. Basanti. No clients yet, and you're already here to drive them out? No Basanti, tonight I'm not here to pick up a fight. I want help. What is it? Look, I got a bottle. - Nothing new about it. It's in your hand now, in a while it'll go right into your head. No Basanti, tonight I'm not here to drink. I want to quit drinking. . .. forever. Must be last night's hangover. - Believe me, I mean it. If you help me tonight, I'll quit booze forever. If you have a soft corner for me, or even if you pity me. . . .then stop me. Sing, dance, do what you want. . . .but keep me away from booze. If I don't drink tonight, I'll never drink for good. Will you help me? Fine. If not you, maybe someone else. "Tonight is the test." "Tonight is the test." "You're my guest for tonight." "Tonight is the test." "The intoxication in my eyes will break the bottle." "I shall not let you drink, no I shall not." "The intoxication in my eyes will break the bottle." "I shall not let you drink, no I shall not." "It's a challenge. . . .for me." "It's a challenge. . . .for you." "You've been drinking for ages, living a miserable life. ." "You've been drinking for ages, living a miserable life. . . .being a slave to liquor." "Do not destroy yourself. " "Oh, don't be upset with me." "I can rid you of sorrows, tonight I'm ecstatic." "No matter how thirsty you are. . "Intoxication is the key. ." "It hardly matters if it is water or booze" "I won't stop you from getting drunk, but your life. . . .means my life." "It's a test" "It's a challenge. . . .for you." "O young drunkard. . . .booze is evil." "O young drunkard. . . .booze is evil." "You have me before you." "And I have you before me." "Yet ours heart are burdened, and the bottle of booze is an enemy." "In the bottle you're mirrored, and in this gathering I'm bound. " "Swim across the oceans, come and embrace me. " "Don't drink the poison, for tonight. . . .I give in to you." "Tonight's the test. " "It's a challenge. . . .for you." The bottle. . I broke it, Basanti. Look.. look. . I broke the bottle. I broke the bottle of booze, Basanti. I've got rid of this poison. I'll never booze again. I swear by you, Basanti, I shall never drink again. Never. Mother. . What? - Take a look, mother. Look what you have made out of a drunkard. I used to break the law. You've made me a guardian of the law. Here, have a sweet. Open your mouth. Where's Kishan? - Inside. Kishan, see here. How do I look in the uniform? Sorry. I wish you could see. Can't I see? Nice uniform. Ma. . Ma, ward him off the evil eye. How I wish you both were in uniform. So what if either of us wears it. It's one and the same. We're two bodies, but one soul. - Right mother. Now watch his brains and my power at work. We'll break the faces of those who break the law. What happened? You drive. - I? No way. C'mon, I'm with you. Amit! The clutch. "Listen, ye friend.. " "Your friendship means more to me than my life. " "Listen, ye friend.. " "Your friendship is dearer to me than my own life. " "In friendship, we are incomparable.. " "We make a terrific duo." "Listen, ye friend.. " "Your friendship means more to me than my life. " "What do I look at? And when?" "It's through your eyes that I look at the world. " "I swear it on you, these hands might be mine. . . .but the strength in them is all yours." "Listen, ye friend.. " "Your friendship is dearer to me than my own life" "My heart bears your picture." "My heart bears your picture." "You are my fate, you are my destiny." "Whatever the two of you say. ." "I always heard." "But listen to me ,n, ow.. it's my turn. "Listen, ye friend.. " "Your friendship means more to me than my life. " What insolence is this, son? - No, son. Police. Your business closes down. No, Kishan. Don't shoot.. spare the old man. Get lost! "We're the days and nights of youth. " "We're the days and nights of youth. " "As if we've been together since we were kids." "My heart and life belong to my friend. ." "What do I possess?" "Even this uniform belongs to the government" "Listen, ye friend.. " "Your friendship means more to me than my life. " "We are incomparable.. " "We make a terrific duo." "Listen, ye friend.. " "Your friendship is dearer to me than my own life. " Daddy, we've made Vikram our partner, but there's a risk I figure. I hope, he doesn't take over the storehouses and leave us gaping. Son, you know your father, don't you? In the illegal trade, millions venture in and bite the dust. And you father? Look how far he has come. All because of his brains. Once Vikram's goods arrive here, we'll seize them. It's me, Kishan. Hey cockeye! Where are you running off to? Do anything. Engage the biggest lawyer. Get my son released. Go, hurry up. Jaggi! I'm ruined. I'm undone. What is it? - What kind of boy did you sell me? I reared him with my blood. - Not blood, liquor. Yes, but I reared him. I taught him the intricacies of my trade. But he used it against me. He has become a police officer. Know what he did the first thing? - What? He shut my shop. - How can I help it? For the sake of our longstanding friendship, help me so that. . . .I can make a footing for myself again. - I'm not magnanimous enough. . . .to help the disabled. - Don't say that, Jaggi. There was a day when you were hard put, and I helped you. Look, I'm not in the right frame of mind. Get out of here. Give him a tenner and throw him out! - A tenner? What else? 25,OOO, eh? Take the tenner or get lost! Out! You cripple! Take this. All right, Jaggi. I shall remember this day. You must too! Damn you, Jaggi! You had me thrown out, eh? I'll fix you! Can't you see, cripple? Want the other leg broken too? Vikram Singh? - Move it, driver. Stop the car. Hello sir. You don't know me, but I know you very well. Me? - Yes. We're in the same trade. What? What sets us apart is the volume. I'm in bad weather. Even Jaggi had me thrown out of his house. Please offer me a job. I'm cripple, but I got the brains and the skills. Good. Let's see how trustworthy you are. Come to my office tomorrow morning. - Okay sir. Cheers! To the cop who committed the mistake. . . .of taking me on and lost his eyesight. Pretty soon he'll lose his life too. But his friend is still alive. Through my eyes, he'll see. And his uniform is what I use to discharge my duties. What's the matter, inspector? - Nothing. Goddess, tonight is Karwa Chouth. A married woman observes a fast. . . .all through the day and breaks it in the night. . . .after she sees her husband. But I'm not so fortunate. You? You, here? How come you're bleeding? My enemies! All my enemies are after me. I'm punished for my sins. When I was evil, they wanted me to change my ways. Now that.. I've turned a new leaf. . . .the same guys want to drag me into the filth again. They all want to kill me. For a while, Durga, hide me somewhere. Come.. come. Don't tell anyone that I've been shot. - I won't. I'm an idiot, Durga. One day you came to me seeking justice. But I humiliated you and had you thrown out. And this day. . . .when my life fell in danger, I'm brought to your doorstep. Don't say that. - I was high on alcohol then. . . .and I refused to even acknowledge you. But believe me, Durga. . . .since then, I never found happiness. Durga, I'm not worthy of it. . . .but if you can, please forgive me. Oh no, what're you doing? No matter how the husband is. . . .but it's the duty of the wife to respect him. I'm not worthy of respect. I shall give you your right, my wife. Where are my children? I've been pining for years to see them. One was lost when he was a kid, and the other. . Who is it, Ma? He's your son. Whom are you talking to? - Someone tried to take his life. If I encounter the idiot, I won't spare him! Kishan, know who is here? - Who is it, Ma? Your father. Father? - Yes son. For years, he has been looking for us. At last he found us. Ma, ask him to go away. - What're you saying? I mean it. He snatched away the most desired right from us. He made you live like a widow. What has he come here for now? Where was he when you worked in houses to feed me? Where was he when you were sick? When I used to beg to buy you medicines? When in return all I got was a glass of booze forced into my throat? Stop it, Kishan. - No Durga, let him say it. Let him pour his heart out. I've given you nothing but sorrows. Kishan, you are right. I'm not worthy of being called your father. If I'm a blot to you, don't ever tell anyone that I'm your father. You can call me your servant. - Don't say that, please. Still if you aren't convinced, then I shall go away. No, no. - Let me go, Durga. When my own son doesn't want me here, I can't stay back. Stop him, Kishan. Wait, father. Stay with us. Son.. my son. Come, take some rest now. Blood? Hello? - Who is it? Who? Vikram Singh? I'm Pascal here. Pascal? What're you doing there? Where are my men? All your men have run, scared of police. Jaggi's son, Gopal. . . .is going to testify against me in court, tomorrow. Don't you worry. Trust me, I won't let the cockeyed one reach the court. Good. Pascal, as soon as you get him, call me on this number. 53-39-8 1. - Sure sir. My sister used to live in Kanpur. I went looking, but I didn't find her. Her neighbours say she's in Bombay. I can't find her. Someone asked me. . . .to lodge a complaint. - Sit. What's her name? - Basanti. Basanti. Here's her photograph. Wonderful. Wonderful. Annu! Annu.. you.. what are you doing here? That's my question, sister. What are you doing here? I? I.. - Tell me! What can she tell? I'll tell you. This world, the beats of the musical instrument. . . .the chimes of the dancing-bells. . . .the clink of money.. all these have shackled her feet. The outside world scares her. In the decent world, she feels lost. . No! That's untrue. What's the truth? Want to know? Come with me. For a poverty-stricken hapless girl, the brothel. . . .is a place thousand times better than the world of gentlemen, Mr. Amit r Here, even in the midst of vermin honour remains intact. And there. . it's hard to save one's honour despite living. . . .among respectable people. That's what happened with me. When there was drought in the village. . . .I became first victim. I had only one cow. It died. Helpless I was, I had to see the landlord. Yes? I need money. - You think I own a mint? You haven't paid me what you owe. And now you come again asking for a loan? I'll repay every cent. But please help me today. I got to send money to my sister in the city. How will you repay? For your sister's studies, you have pawned. . . .everything you owned with me. - Have mercy on me. Give her some money. Blessings of the poor come handy in trying times. I can't help. If you can, you help her. All right, I'll help. Come. Where? - Upstairs. Upstairs? - Yes. Money matters must be settled in papers. Come. He conned me, and took me upstairs. I don't want your money! Take it! Well! Help them, and also take their tantrums! Sir! Murder! Murder! You murdered him! Life had closed all doors on me. I could see nothing but death. What the hell? Why do you want to kill yourself? Let go! I want to die! - Who are you? What's the matter? Take it easy. Come, dear. This. . The Lords of society call this place a brothel. This is only place where respectable people visit. . . .yet it's maligned. You'd better let me die. You're taking it wrong, my child. We dance and sing to entertain, no doubt but we don't sell our honour All the girls here are like my daughters. It's my duty to protect your honour. Come in, dear. That's how I ended up in this brothel. You tell me, had I a choice? You wanted to marry me, didn't you? Am I worthy of getting married? Why did you tell me all this before? Didn't you trust me? I had trust in you, but I had not the courage. Basanti, you. . Basanti, you have no idea, to the law, you are. . I know. Someday, I was to be arrested. Good that you will arrest me. "When the dancing-bells break, it's time to put on handcuffs." "When the dancing-bells break, it's time to put on handcuffs." "I shall put on the handcuffs. ." I I . .but I shall never give in to you. . "Come what may. " Amit! He's the one whom I murdered! No! He's alive.. he's alive, Annu. Come here. C'mon, the car's over there. Hello? - Sir, your job is done. And Gopal is in our custody. - Wrong number. Who was it, son? - Someone said the job is done. And that he has Gopal. Wrong number. Tell Mr. Vikram that Jaggi is here. He's not well. He won't see anyone. Tell him my name. He might recover. - Let him in, son. Hear that? Just my voice got him out of the bed. Well, what brings you here? - I hear you're sick, so I came over. Thank you very much. Careful, son. He? - My son, Kishan. Was he born blind? - No, someone helped me. . Father, I guess the two of you have met after a long time. You might have lots to discuss. I'll go upstairs to my room. Okay son. Sit. How did you know I'm here? - Keeping track of partners is a must Why have you come here? - Mr. Vikram, you must remember. . . .our weakness are locked inside a safe. The safe has two keys that we share. I remember. So? - I'd like to have your key. What for? - For joy and sorrow. As for the joy, unlike you I'm not wanted, and my business is soaring. As for sorrow, if you refuse to give me the key. . . .then I'll inform the police about your whereabouts. Oh I see. Then talk to the point. Why did you have to give a lecture? Want to talk to the police? I'll dial the number, you talk. Hello? - Vikram here. Yes sir? Tell me. - Mr. Jaggi would like to speak. Sure sir, put him on. Here, talk. Don't stare at me, just talk. Hello? - Who? Mr. Jaggi? Who's that? - The forgotten slave. Pascal. Here, talk to your son. Hello daddy.. - Gopal? What are you doing there? They're holding me. Daddy, please accept all their conditions. Else, they'll kill me. - Where are you? Hello? Spoke to the police? What did they say? The police are coming, aren't they? - Vikram. . . .today you've won. - I've won, haven't I? Now heed me. Give me your helicopter. In return, I'll give you your son and the key. Agreed? Agreed. Come to the hangar with my son in two hours. You'll get the helicopter. So I see, son. You were taping your father's conversations on the sly? Yes, Father. Police motto. Tape a thief's conversation on the sly. But son, what'll you do with the tape? I'll give it to the police. Let them know your true colours. No. Will you turn your father in? - Let alone my father. . . .when it comes to duty, I won't spare my grandfather either. r Don't move, Father. Had I wished I'd have riddled your chest. But I fired only to stop you. Sound is all I need to shoot on target. Like to see? No, don't remove your shoes, Father. When you're silent, your shoes talk. Keep jogging on the spot. And remember. . . .if your shoes stop talking, my gun will talk. That's nice, Father. Good. What's going on? Now shoot! I have your mother, Kishan. She's my shield. Let me see how you shoot me now. Someone's coming. Now be a good boy and listen to your father. Go downstairs and send him away as fast as you can. And if you try to let the word out.. you know the end result. Kishan. . Basanti has been exonerated. - Really? Yes. And very soon I'll also find the one for whom I joined the police. Here's his photograph. I wish you could see. That's fine, but Amit you better go away. How strange! I gave you a good news, you don't even congratulate me. . . .and you ask me to go away? - I'm happy, I'm elated. But you go away. - Going. Let me have a glass of water. I'm thirsty. - No water. Ma has locked the kitchen. If you don't wish to give me water, then don't. But don't lie. The kitchen is open. Stop arguing, Amit. I told you, go away! See that? You fell down! I'm not leaving before mother comes. Ma is in danger upstairs. I don't need you here. Go, I say. Go on. Going. Why are you pushing me? I won't come even if you call me. Fine. - Strange man ! Calls me home and then throws me out. Ma.. Ma.. Well done! You're an obedient son. And what do you think of me? - You never left? Then the sound of the jeep? Left a rock on the accelerator. Amit. .Amit. . Amit. Let go! Kishan. Mother! - Kishan ! Kishan ! - Mother! Let go! Annu. . What's going on? - Come on. Get inside the car, girls. Get in. Get lost. - Kishan. Don't worry about me. Amit is lying injured inside. Look him up, hurry. Get lost! - Kishan. - Sit. Amit! - Kishan. Kishan, he's taking your mother away. Welcome, Mr. Vikram. I was expecting you. Your key. Where's my helicopter? - Where's my son? What's the hurry? He should be coming. - After he comes. . . .you will get the helicopter. What's the hurry? Inspector, make a move and the kid.. - No! No? Then drop the gun. You are the one who took my son away! Where is my son, tell me? - Which son? You snatched him away from me, years back. He's the one who ran off with our son. Ask him, where our son is? Where's my son, tell me? - Get lost. You want your son, and I'm worried for my son. I don't who. . . .and where your son is. - But I know, Jaggi. You must've forgotten your past. But I haven't. For 300 bucks, you sold her son to me. You like to sell kids, no? So come, strike a deal for your son. But where's my son? - Stay there! Don't you move. Here, see your son. What have you done to my son? - He was screaming too much. So I got him to sniff some chloroform.. . .he's going to sleep for some time. You lousy man! Hurry up, Pascal. Give him his son.. - Stop, Mr. Vikram. I got to settle a score with him. Where's my son? Tell me, I'll be obliged. Want your son? Then you will have to pay a price. Now tell me where my son is. - Only four bangles? Hurry up, Pascal. The police.. - Hang on, Mr. Vikram. Why've you worn the wedding necklace? Is it worth more than your son? Not this, no. The wedding necklace is my husband's memento. I can't let it go, no matter what. - I'm your husband. Mere gold rolled on to this damn thread carries no weight. - No. In this thread is trapped your breaths, Mr. Vikram. It's a mark of a married woman. Destroy it, and you'll be destroyed. Take it, mother. Amit, this man knows who my other son is and where he is. I know, everything. What do you know? Speak up! Who is my brother? Tell me, or I'll kill you. - I'll tell you, everything. Amit. Amit is your brother. Amit.. my brother? Brother? Amit.. my son! Wait. Where are you going? - To answer the phone. Not to detonate a bomb. Our men are fixing a bomb in the helicopter. As per your orders. . . .it will be set to explode ten minutes after ignition. Mr. Vikram, my helicopter is ready, at the old airport. You may go. If anyone tries to move, I'll shoot. Hold it! Don't try to venture out, father. Let me go, son. Will you shoot me if I don't stop? No, you can't shoot me. Because my blood runs down your veins. You've already shed that blood. You've also extracted its price. . . .along with interest. We're her sons. You never considered her your wife. She's your wife, yet you tried to trade the relationship. Mr. Vikram! Take me along. What're these? - Sandals. Brand? - Kolhapuri. Size? Six. - Not six, eunuch. Nine. Nine, cockeye! Amit! Daddy, hurry up, come on. My brother. Embrace well, for the last time. You won't get another chance. Because you will die here. And your parents, in the helicopter. I've fixed a time-bomb in it. Amit, save Ma. Come with me. What's wrong? - A truck is trapped in the middle. Father! Stop Father! My arm is injured. I can't drive. What to do? Go straight. Dead straight. Right! Oh no, no entry. To the right. Right. Right, very good. Straight. Left. Right. Stop, stop. Ma's car has met with an accident. - What? I'll be back. Ma. . Are you all right, Ma? - Where's your father? Must've gone for the helicopter. But Jaggi has planted a time-bomb in it. What? Time-bomb? - Yes. Son, save your father, somehow. - But Ma, you. . Don't worry about me, son. Save my husband. Save my husband. - Yes, Ma. Let's go, Kishan. Left. Left. Kishan. Faster Kishan. Speed up. Faster! Why did you risk it here? Jump off. No Amit. Whatever we do, we'll do it together. Father! - No use. The rotors are too loud. Amit. Amit, I can't hold on. - Don't let go. We're too high up. Father, there's a time-bomb planted inside. Land the copter. Son of a gun! You think I'm a fool to fall for your words? Believe me, it's wired. I am telling the truth that there is a time bomb in it. There it is. Brother, jump off when I tell you. - Right. Jump. Open your eyes, slowly. That's right. Ma.. - Kishan. Ma, I can see. I can see, Ma. I can see. Who donated his eyes for me, Amit? Is he alive? Yes, Kishan. - How could he when he's still alive? How could he? - Doctors say that. . . .if due to an accident someone suffers cortical blindness. . . .he can donate his eyes. - Amit, I want to meet him. So that I can thank him. - No need to thank, son. You? - Son, so much I owed you. I was the one who snatched your eyesight. Now that I've given you my eyes, I've only repaid you. "Listen, ye friend.. " "Your friendship means more to me than my life. " "Listen, ye friend.. " "Your friendship is dearer to me than my own life. " "In friendship, we are incomparable.. " "We make a terrific duo." "Listen, ye friend.. " "Your friendship means [ Gunshots, Whistles, Sirens Blaring ] [ Horn Honks ] [ Tires Screech, Engine Revs ] [ Siren Blaring ] [ Tires Screech ] [ Woman Screams ] [ Water Trickling, Footsteps Running ] [ Glass Shatters ] [ Dogs Barking ] [ Man Laughing ] [ Girl ] Ooh, It's So Pretty. Yeah. Let's Go Look. God ? Are You Home ? Dean ! Well, Dad Always Says It's God's House. Let's Go Look Around. Okay. I Wonder What's Up There. You Better Get Down. You're Gonna Get In Trouble. Dean ! Okay. Yeow ! Whoa ! Whoa ! - Help ! - Dean ! Help ! Somebody Help Me ! Help Me ! Rose ! That Sounds Like Your Husband, Mrs. Rafferty. Help ! Where Are You ? That's Delaney, All Right. Now What Is He Up To ? [ Bells Chiming ] [ Delaney ] Help ! Help ! Hey, That's Someone In Trouble. What Did You Do ? Nothing. [ Women Chattering, Excitedly ] Gangway ! Delaney, What Are You Doing Up There ? You're Supposed To Be Painting. Rose, Now, Don't Start. - Don't You Yell At Me. - Don't Jump, Mr. Rafferty. You've Got Lots To Live For. You Think I Don't Know That ? Why Doesn't Somebody Get A Ladder ? - There's One Out Back. Okay, Come On. - I'll Give You A Hand. You Can Stop Your Hollering, Delaney. They're Coming For You. Hurry, Hurry. Me Hands Are-- [ Women Screaming ] Has Anybody Called The Fire Department ? There's A Phone In The Office. Gangway ! [Delaney] Come On ! Come On ! Hang On. We Got The Ladder. Hang On ! It's Coming Up. - Stop Kicking Around ! You'll Tire Yourself Out ! - It's Too Short. Maybe We Should Take The Ladder Up To The Belfry And Lower It Down To Him. Hey, That's A Good Idea. Yeah, Do That. Take That Down. - Everybody, Push. - Where Are You Going Now ? Well, Can't You Get The Cat Out Of The Tree Later ? Well, A Man's Life Is In Danger. Forward ! Forward ! Go Back. Back Up. It's The North Avenue Presbyterian Church. Hurry ! Hurry ! That's The Way To Go. - Honey ! - Go Back ! Go Back ! Hold On ! They're Coming ! Hold On ! - Somebody, Get Around. - [ Rose ] Move It ! Hurry Up, You Two ! [ Groans ] Sorry. [ Groans ] Sorry. Ouch. Sorry. Ow ! Sorry. That Ain't Gonna Make Much Of A Cushion. Hey, You With The Flowered Shirt. Could You Just Take The End There ? Sure. [ Rose ] Hang On, Delaney ! Grab On To The Ladder, Mr. Rafferty. - Pull Me Up. - Okay. Ready ? Pull. - Oh, I Can't Look. I Can't Look. - Help ! Somebody Help ! Delaney ! Delaney ! Grab On To The Ladder ! [ Yelling ] Help, Somebody ! The Other Side. The Other Side. Rose, The Will Is In The Top Drawer ! - Is He All Right ? - [ Rose ] Is He All Right ? Can You See Anything ? [Delaney] Rosie ! Rosie ! Delaney ! Delaney ! Me Poor Darlin' ! Are You All Right ? Thanks To You, Rosie, Me Darlin'. Ah ! Don't Touch Me. You're A Mess. Where's Dad ? Dad ! Dad, Are You All Right ? Dad ! AreYouAllRight? Who's He ? I'm Reverend Hill, Your New Pastor. Oh, He's The New Pastor. [ Delaney ] Glory Be ! It's The New Pastor. I Hope You Were Praying For Me When I Was Up There. Welcome To New Campton, Reverend. I'm Cleo Jackson. [ Woman ] I Hope He Feels All Right. [ Chattering ] Look,WeTried To Be On Time. It Was Just An Awful Mistake. The Whole Thing, From Start To Finish. I Volunteer Voluntarily, Except I Have Baby-Sitting Problems. Would You Please Let Him Get His Hat Off Before You Start That ? Reverend Hill, I'm Claire Porter. How Do You Do ? Well, You Know, We Didn't Expect You Till Tomorrow. We Would've Had A Less Hectic Reception If We'd Known. WouldYouHappenToHave A Little Of That Sacramental Wine On The Premises, Reverend ? Sacramental. Watch Your Hands. You Wanna Get Paint All Over The Reverend's Chair ? Haven't You Done Enough For One Day ? Please, Let's Go Home And Get You Cleaned Up. Rosie, You're Straining Me Patience. Oh, I'll Strain More Than That. - Isn't This Nice ? - Very... Nice. [ Horn Honks ] - Oh, That Must Be Howard. - Howard ? My Fiance. I Told Him I'd Be Waiting For Him Out Front. If-If-If You Get A Chance, Please Check Your Calendar, Because We're Getting Married June 25, And We'd Like You To Perform The Ceremony. - Oh, Thank You. That's-- - It's Really Been-- Oh, Sorry. - It's Really Been A Pleasure Meeting You. Bye. - Bye. I Have To Dash Too. It's Been Terribly Nice. I Have To Pick Up My Children... And I Have To Get My Dog Bruno Out Of The Vet. They Charge An Extra Day If I Leave Him In There After 4:00. He Was, Uh, Foaming At The Mouth. Well, Saint Bernards Do. But, Uh, It Was Quite An Excessive Amount. I Think It Was Just An Oral Problem. Nothing Rabid. Well, Good-Bye. - My, You're A Tall One. - [ Cleo ] Come On, Claire. I Do Believe Our Dear Reverend Has A Lot To Do And Can Use The Time. See You Later, Annie. HaveA NiceDay. Come On, Darlin'. You'll See Him Another Day. You'll See Him In Church. Good-Bye. Good-Bye. - Quite A Group. - Yes, They Are. - Oh. Oh, I'm-I'm Anne Woods. - How Do You Do ? Here's The List Of The Church Membership. Minutes Of The Meetings For The Last Couple Of Months. That's My Office Right Out There. If You Have Any Questions-- Unless, Of Course, You Have Plans To Hire A New Secretary. No, No. I Feel Very Fortunate To Have You Stay On. Oh, Well, Then, In Case-- Here Is... The Key To The Outside Door. Um, These Are The, Uh, Presbyterian Financial Reports, The Sinking Fund, Which Is Emergency Money, Um, The Men's Club Book And, Uh-- IsAnything The Matter ? It's Very Difficult For Me... Having A Stranger Take Over At North Avenue. But, Miss Woods, You Must Understand That I Didn't Ask Your Father To Retire. - Oh, I Know. - I Only Applied For The Job. Of Course I Know That. It- - It's Just That... This Church Was Our-- Was His Life. Yes, There's, Uh-- There's Plenty Of Evidence Of That. Either You Or Reverend Woods Chaired Most Of The Committees. Someone Had To Do It. Yes. But I Think Active Participation By The Whole Membership... Is What Really Makes A Strong Church. In Fact, I've Got A Lot Of Plans Along Those Lines For This Church. I Think You'll Find If You Want Something Done Here... That It's Easier To Do It Yourself. Then That Way, You'll Know When It Gets Done. Oh, I'm Sure There Are A Lot Of People Who Would Like To Help, Given The Chance. [ Chuckling ] Good Luck. Oh ! Pardon Me, Reverend. Delaney Left His Hat. Oh, Here It Is. Ah,I 'm-I'mSorry. Very Sorry. Ah, Excuse Me, Mrs.-- Oh. Rafferty. Mrs. Rafferty. - I Wonder If You Could Help Me With Something. - Help ? You ? Me ? Oh, Why, Anything. Anything I Can Do. Anything. How Would You Like To Be In Charge Of The, Uh-- The Church Sinking Fund. In Charge ? Uh- - Uh, Reverend Hill. Oh, I'd Like It. In Fact, I'd Love It. There You Are, Madam Chairman. And We Thank You. Thank You. - Uh, Mrs. Rafferty ? - Yeah ? Start Thinking About Ways Of Building Up The Fund. Of Course I Will. Sure. Why Not ? Why, Uh, Good-Bye. It's, Uh, All In The Wrist. ♪ Oh, How Our Hearts ♪ ♪ Beat High With Joy ♪ ♪ When E'er We Hear ♪ ♪ That Glorious Word ♪ ♪ Faith Of Our Fathers ♪ ♪HolyFaith♪ ♪WeWillBeTrue ♪ ♪ToThee♪ - ♪ Till Death ♪ - [ Whispering, Indistinct ] Let Me Have It. Give Him To Me. We Don't Bring Norman To Church. I'll Put Him In Here. ♪WeWillLove♪ What ? ♪ Both Friend And Foe ♪ ♪ In All Our Strife ♪ ♪ And Preach Thee Too ♪ ♪ As Love Knows How ♪ ♪ By Kindly Words ♪ ♪ And Glorious Life ♪ ♪ Faith Of Our Fathers ♪ ♪ Amen ♪ [ Footsteps Running ] Amen. Amen. Oh. Oh ! Reverend Hill, I Gotta Talk To You. Certainly, Mrs. Rafferty. Why Don't You Drop By After Services ? Oh, It'll Be Too Late Then. The Third Goes Off In Ten Minutes. - The Third What ? - After You Put Me In Charge Of The Church's Sinking Fund-- ♪ Amen ♪ You Know, The Different Ways To Make Money For The Church ? You Remember. I Remember, Mrs. Rafferty, But I Can't Discuss It Now. Excuse Me. He Bet It On A 7-1 Shot He Says Is Wired. He What ? Delaney Bet It All On Sundae Treat To Win In The Third At Aqueduct. Your Husband Put It All On-- [ Congregation Murmuring ] Your Husband Bet The Whole $1,206... On A Horse Race ? [ Murmuring Continues ] How Could He Do Such A Thing ? He- - Well- - Well-- [ Stammering ] - Where Did He Make The Bet ? - One Of The Bookies Downtown. Come With Me. [Choir] ♪ A-- ♪ Jephthah, The Soldier, Was A Man Of Mighty Valor. And We Would All Do Very Well To Follow His Example. LetUsPray. We Thank Thee, O Lord, For All Thy Bounties. - Amen. - Amen ? Well, You Sure Won't Fall Asleep During One Of His Sermons. Reverend, What Are You Gonna Do ? Stop That Bet. We'll Take The Bike. It's Faster. Here. Put That On. Yes, Sir. Get On, Mrs. Rafferty. All Right, I'm Getting On. You All Set ? I Think So. Ah ! [ Screaming ] What's Going On ? [ All Chattering ] Where Is This Bookie ? I Don't Know Which One He Used. There's More Than One ? Lots. Carlucci's Bakery, The Pet Store On Friar... And The Orthopedic Shoe Store. Ortho-- But I'll Lay You 8-1 He Used Harry, The Hat. Harry, The Hat ? Right. [ Screaming ] Mrs. Rafferty, Hang On ! Pull In Right Here. There's Harry's Place. Harry ? It Says Sam. Are You Sure ? I'm Sure. You Better Hurry. It's Almost Post Time. Throw 'Em On The Back Of The Chair. Are You Harry ? Nope. Sam. Sam. I Knew It. What Harry Did You Want ? Harry. The Hat. Uh-Huh. In The Back. - Hold It. Your Pants. - What ? Pants Pressed While You Wait. It's Part Of My Deal With Harry. - Well, All I Wanna Do Is Talk To Him. - No Exceptions. Get 'Em Off. Ridiculous. I Have To Take My Pants Off. - Here You Are. - Ah, Better Pay Now While You Still Got The 50 Cents. Yeah. In The Pants. Oh, Yeah. Oh, You Didn't Get A Vision Or Anything, Did You, Padre ? Which One Is Harry ? Harry. Oh, That's Harry Right There. [ Clears Throat ] Uh, Harry. Oh, Don't Worry, Father. All Our Players Enjoy Complete Anonymity. It's Reverend. And I'm Not Concerned About Anonymity. I'm Concerned About $1,206 Of Our Church's Money... That A Parishioner Bet, Here. So That's Where Delaney Got That Kind Of Dough. And You Want It Back, Right ? Right. Look,Father, My Advice Is Let It Ride. Sundae Treat's The Horse To Beat. And At 7-1, You'd Really Hate Yourself If She Comes In, Right ? All I Want Is To Get The Money Back. The Horses Are At The Post. And They're Off ! It's Sundae Treat, Our Travis, Bengal Boy, Sony, Miss Snoop, Bags, Rags And Ready Teddy. It's Sundae Treat, Our Travis, Bengal Boy Moving On The Outside. Bengal Boy ! Come On, Bengal Boy ! It's Sundae Treat, Bengal Boy. Come On, Sundae Treat ! Sundae Treat. That's My Horse. Come On, Sundae Treat ! Come On ! And It's Sundae Treat. Sundae Treat ! Come On, Sundae Treat ! It's Sundae Treat By A Neck. Come On, Boy ! Bengal Boy ! Sundae Treat, Bengal Boy. As They Head For The Finish, Bengal Boy And Sundae Treat. TheyCrossTheWire, And It's Bengal Boy ! Bengal Boy ! So, Maybe You Can Make A Comeback In The Next Race. Guiding Light Looks Good At Six Furlongs. I Want That Money Back. And If I Don't Get It, I Will Go Straight To The Police. We Don't Want Any Trouble. I Mean, It's Bad For Business. You Know What I Mean ? Hey, Charley. Yeah? You Remember The Wad That Delaney Put On Sundae Treat ? Yeah. Well, It Turns Out The Dough Belongs To The Bishop Here. It Belongs To The North Avenue Presbyterian Church. And It's Reverend. Well, See If You Can Work Something Out. Uh, Not Here. It Turns Out I'm Giving Money Back, They'll Start A Stampede. You Know What I Mean ? We'll Take Care Of It. All Right. Let's Step Out Here. Hey, Open Up ! Hey ! Hey, Listen ! I'm Gonna Get Every Cent Back-- Hey, Mac, Everybody Else Loses Their Shirts In There. But, Mother Carlisle, It Was Brief And To The Point. It Was A Disgrace. I Have Never Been So-- [ Motorcycle Pulls Up ] How Come He Doesn't Have Any Pants On ? Well, We-- We Don't Know Why. We- - We Don't Question Why. Why Don't We ? Are We All Supposed To Pretend He Has Pants On When He Doesn't ? Mm-Hmm. Yes. Morning. Morning. It's Hard To Believe This Sort Of Activity's Taking Place Right Here In The Center Of Town. Well, This Will Make A Believer Out Of You, Captain. It's Right Here. It's This Way, Captain. Just A Minute, Reverend. Are You The Owner Here ? Yes, Sir. Search Warrant. It's Right Back Here. Sam, Would You Mind ? Mind What ? The D-- Are You Sure You're In The Right Place, Reverend Hill ? I'm Sure. And If We'd Come Right Over When I Lodged The Complaint, You Would've Seen For Yourself. Well, This Is America. You Can't Just Barge Into A Business And Arrest People... Because Somebody Said So. We'd Be Infringing On Civil Rights. I Don't Need A Lecture On Civil Rights From You, Captain. And I Know Of At Least Three Other Illegal Gambling Spots In This Same Area. Well, Give Me Those Addresses. I'll Get The Necessary Warrants Right Away. It's Obvious We're Wasting Each Other's Time. I Have Work To Do. And I'm Sure You Do Too, Whatever It Is You Do. Well, We'll Look Into It Further. And If We Come Up With Anything, We'll Call You. As Part Of This Station's Public Service Programming, We Invite The Pastors Of New Campton's Churches... To Address Us On "Words To Live By." This Evening's Message Is Brought To Us By The Reverend Michael Hill... Of The North Avenue Presbyterian Church. Another Day Is Closing. But Revelation 22 Tells Us That There Shall Be No Night, And They Need No Candle, For The Lord Giveth Them Light. And I-- And I'm-I'm Sorry. But There Won't Be Much Light In New Campton... If We Don't Face Another Revelation... Of More Immediate Concern To All Of Us. I- - I've Just Moved To New Campton, And My Family And I Were Delighted With What We Saw. ButItWas Revealed To Me Today... That Our Town Is Plagued, Plagued By Large-Scale Illegal Gambling. It Was Made Clear To Me That This Criminal Element... Works Hand In Glove With Your Own Police Force. [Man] Hold It. Leave It On. A Complaint By A Citizen... Does Not Result In The Arrest Of The Guilty... But In The Humiliation Of The Citizens Foolish Enough To Register A Complaint. If This Condition Is So Obvious To Me, Then The People Of New Campton Cannot Possibly Be Ignorant Of It. Well, It Doesn't Take An Expert To See... That Large-Scale Gambling Can Steadily And Systematically... Drain A Town Of Its Resources. The Money That's Gambled And Lost Here Does Not Recycle In Our Town. It Funnels Into The Hands Of Criminals And Crime Bosses. This Money Is Then Used To Support Other Forms Of Organized Crime, Like Bribing City Management And Police Officials. Way To Go, Rev. You Tell 'Em. Tell Em ? He's Askin' For It. If Our Police And Elected Officials Cannot Or Will Not Rid Our Community... Of These- - These Parasites, Then They Should Be Replaced By People Who Will. Thank You. And God Bless You. You Have Just Heard "Words To Live By"-- [ Man ] Shut It Off. That's The Same Guy, Mr. Roca. Maybe I Should've Given His Dough Back. - It'll Blow Over. - So How Long Do I Gotta Stay Closed ? You Can Open Up Tomorrow. We'll Keep The Preacher In Line. Thank You, Mr. Roca. [ Growling ] [ Ringing ] North Avenue Presbyterian Church. May I Help You ? Who Should I Say Is Calling ? Reverend, It's Another Threat For You. - Forget It. - I'm Sorry. He's Not Taking Threats Without Names. Hello. Has The Committee Head Meeting Started Yet ? - Uh, Maybe Later. - These Are For You. Aren't They Beautiful ? Would You Excuse Us, Mrs. Porter ? We're In The Middle Of A Meeting. Oh, I'm Sorry. I'm Sorry. Put Them In This Vase. They're Just Lovely. All Right, Anne, Where Were We ? It Boggles The Mind That You Have The Unmitigated Gall... To Use This Church As-As-As A Soapbox For Your Self-Serving Ambitions. Self-Serving ? I Merely Put Out The Word... That New Campton Is Being Systematically Ripped Off By Gamblers. - Rubbish. - Our Own Church Has Lost Over $1,200. Exactly. And How Did It Get Lost ? [ Ringing ] Will Somebody Answer That, Please ? [Cleo]I 'llGet It. Hello. NorthAvenue Presbyterian Church. Who ? Uh, Just A Minute, Please. - Dr. Fulton. - Who Is Dr. Fulton ? The Presbyterian Executive. Excuse Me, Ladies. Excuse Me. Huh ? Please ? Dr. Fulton, What A Pleasure To Hear From You. I'll Come Right To The Point, Reverend Hill. General Council Feels That Prayer On Television Is Intended To Be Just That. It Is Not Intended As A Forum For Politicking Or Mudslinging. I Assure You, Dr. Fulton, That Was Not The Talk I Had Prepared. It Was Just A Spur-Of-The-Moment Thing, Prompted By My Experiences Of Yesterday. Dr. Fulton, They Have A Real Problem In This Town. - Such Matters Are Not Your Concern, Reverend Hill. - They're Not ? Now, In The Future, We Suggest You Concentrate Your Efforts... On Revitalizing North Avenue And Increasing The Membership. Well, I- - I Had Planned To Go Out This Afternoon And Do That Very Thing. Uh, Well, If You Don't Drive, Perhaps Your Son Could Bring You. We'd Like To See You Both At Church. My Son Thinks You're Some Kind Of A Nut. Oh. Well, I Have Some Appointments This Afternoon. It's Been Nice Talking To You, Mr. Younger. IUnderstandYouWereOnce One Of Our Most Active Members, Mrs. Gossin. Well, My Ex Was Kind Of A Jesus Freak, But When He Split, I Sort Of Lost Interest. -I'm Into Yoga Now. -I Think There's Room For Both In A Person's Life, Don't You ? Hmm, I Guess. Got Time For A Drink ? Uh, No, I'm Afraid I Haven't, Mrs. Gossin. But I Do Hope You Can Make It Sunday. ♪ [ Band ] [ Boy ] Okay. Hi, Guys. Uh, We Gave At The Office. No, No, No, No. I Just Want To Talk To You About Your Music. - Sure. - I, Uh-- I Kind Of Have An Idea. Everybody, I'd Like You To Meet Strawberry Shortcake. - [ All ] Hi. - This Is Shorty, Uh, Billy, Doodles And Sam. These Gentlemen Have Kindly Consented To Serve The Lord... By Helping Us Kind Of, Uh, Hype Up The Crowd. - Hype It Up ? - Yeah, Give It Some Pizzazz, Attract Some Of The Younger People. Younger People ? Our Hymns Have Lasted For Centuries Without The Benefit Of, Uh, Pizzazz. Well, The Lord Never Asked His Followers To Be Long-Faced And Doleful. HeSaid, "Happy Are The People Whose God Is The Lord." - Amen. - I Think We Ought To Try Something New. Well, That's Fine, Reverend Hill. I Think In That Case, Though, That I Should Turn Over The Choir... To Shorty Here And The Shortcakes. Uh, Excuse Me. [ Chattering, Murmuring ] Hey, Who Is It ? Get The Window. Right. Say, Who's There ? What'sGoingOn Here? What Do You Want ? Easy, Reverend. Easy. I'm, Uh, Marv Fogelman. This- - I Got Some I.D. Here Somewhere. This Is My Partner Here, Tom, Uh, Voorhees. We're, Uh-- We're, Uh, Special Investigators For The, Uh, Treasury Department. - There It Is. - Did You Guys Ever Hear Of A Phone ? Uh, Thou Shalt Not Use The Telephone Too Much In Our Business, Reverend. People Listen. We Heard About Your Broadcast, Reverend Hill. WeThoughtMaybeYou Could Give Us A Hand. Doing What ? Breaking Up The Gambling Organization Here In New Campton. Ah, Thanks, But, Uh, This Thing Has Put Me On Thin Ice Already. It Could Cost Me My Job. We Don't Expect You To Do Nothing. You're Too Hot To Get Near A Gambling Joint Now Anyway. We Just Want You To Round Up A Few Men You Can Trust, And We'll Take It From There. What Do You Say ? For God And Country ? Mr. Webber, They Need Men Like You, Men That Are Known In The Community, To Work With The Treasury Department... And Then Testify In Court. Then Get A Rock Through My Window, Or Worse. If We Can Close Them Down, Then People Won't Have To Be Afraid Of Things Like That. I'm Sorry. I've Got Customers. Reverend, People Gamble. They Always Have. They Always Will. I'm Not Talking About A Poker Game On Saturday Night Or A Day At The Races. I'm Talking About Organized Crime. Have You Tried Bob Purcell ? Mr. Purcell Plays Golf With The Chief. He Doesn't Want To Do Anything To Strain The Relationship. I Wish I Could Help You. But It's Not Your Town Anymore. It's Their Town. Uh-- Yeah. Mm. Yes, I Understand. I Understand, Yeah. Thanks. Thanks Anyway. Yeah. [KnockingAt Door] Come In. Uh, Reverend Hill, We're All Ready To Leave Now. The Chairs Are All Folded And Locked In The Storeroom. The Newsletters Are All Stamped And Ready For Mailing. Oh, I- - I Regret To Inform You... That, Uh, The- - The Women's Association Annual Bean And Salad Supper... Will Be A Dollar-Fifty This Year... Instead Of The Usual Dollar. Oh. Oh, That Is Bad News. So-- Well, Thank You, Claire. You've All Been A Great Help. Oh, You're Welcome. Thank You. You've All Been Very Helpful. You've Been Very Gracious. Thank You. - Thank You. Good Night. - Bye. Good-Bye. Claire. Claire. Uh, What Do You Do In Your Spare Time ? [ Chuckles ] Oh. Well, It's Just One Mad World. Take Tonight For Instance. I'm Going To See Casablanca For The Eighth Time, And, Uh, Then I'm Going To Dine On A Peanut Butter And Banana Sandwich, And Then I Will Hit The Feathers. It's Like That Every Night, Just Frantic. How Would You Like To Spice Up Your Life A Little ? Oh, Need A Secretary For The Youth Activities Committee ? Meet Me Tomorrow Night At 9:00. Nine ? Oh, Sure. You Know Where I Live ? That's Too Conspicuous. Make It The Sunday School Room. The Sunday School-- Yeah, And Make It The Side Entrance. Side Entrance. Oh, Claire, How Pretty You Look. Do You Look Beautiful ! Lovely. Claire. Ah, Glad You Could Make It, Claire. - 'Course You Know All The Girls. - Of Course. Hi. Hi. [ Softly ] I'll Get You For This. Now Will You Explain What We're All Here For, Reverend ? You All Realize That New Campton Is In Trouble. There Are Some Men In Town That Need Our Help. Our Help ? Why Us ? Because I Think You're Game And Can Keep Your Mouth Shut. Keep Our Mouths Shut ? Let Me Out Of Here. I'm Expecting-- [ Clears Throat ] Sorry. Excuse Us. [ Rosie ] Who Was That ? Just A Minute. What's With The Broads ? I Talked To Over 20 Men. No Takers. TheyDon'tWant To Make Waves. So You Got Ladies Instead, Reverend ? - It's Either Those Ladies Or Nothing. - You Made The Wrong Choice. No,I Don'tThinkSo. At Least Talk To Them. Me, Talk ? Do They Know Why They're Here ? I, Uh, Thought I'd Let You Handle That. No, Don't Open The Door. Uh, Ladies, Uh, These Are The Gentlemen I Told You About. Oh, How Do You Do ? [ Tom ] Hello. They Work For The Government. This Is Marv Fogelman And Tom... Voorhees. Voorhees. [ Marv ] Uh, What He Means, Uh, We're, Uh, Special Investigators For The, Uh, Treasury Department. We're Looking For People... To Do, Uh, Infiltration And Undercover Work... To Help Us Break Up The Rackets Here In New Campton. And, Uh, Your Reverend... Thinks That You Ladies Could Hack It. [ Nervous Chuckling ] Have Any Of You Ladies, Uh, Ever Made A Bet With A Bookie ? - Ever Played The Numbers ? - No. No, Bingo. We All Play Bingo Friday Nights. Fridays. Bingo, Huh ? Okay, Um, Let's Start From Square One. You See, Uh, You Would Be, Uh, Expected To, Uh, Go... Into Established Gambling Joints, See, And Make Bets. Now, If We Could Get Two Witnesses... Or If A Federal Officer Is Present When You Make The Bet, We Could Usually Make It Stick. Yeah. We Want To Build Airtight Cases Against As Many As We Can. Then We Lower The Boom, See. If We Close Down Enough Of Them, Their Bank Dries Up. Then You Get Your Town Back. You Mean To Say They Even Have A Bank ? Well, They Call It "The Bank" Or "The Office." It's Where All The Money And The Bank Slips Go. The Big Man In This County Is Max Roca. Well, Anyhow, That's The Bones Of It. Uh-- Yeah. Well, Ladies, What Do You Think ? I'm In. They Got Their Hooks Into My Brother-In-Law. He Can't Quit, And He Can't Get Even. You Bet I'm In. - If It Keeps Me From Cleaning The Oven, I'm Game. - I'm Free On Mondays. I Could Change My Exercise Class To Wednesday And Take Macrame On Thursday. I'd Like To Do My Part For The Government. However, Do You Have Provisions For Baby-Sitting ? Baby-Sitting ? Lady, This Is-- This Is Tom's Department. Tom Will Answer All Your Questions. Aw, Marv. Anything You Want-- [ Ladies Chattering ] I'm Delighted To Meet You. What About Guns ? No. No Guns. I'd Rather You Didn't Tell Anybody. Think About It. Who Would Suspect A Bunch Of Ding-A-Ling Dames ? [ Wolf Whistles, Horn Honking ] After All, It's Your Home, Howard. We Can Put A Cot In Your Room. It's Foolish To Be Buying A House When You Don't Know If It's Going To Work Out. It'll Work Out Just Fine, Mother. Jane- - Jane's A Wonderful Girl. Then What's She Doing Going... In There ? How's Tricks ? Huh ? How's Tricks ? Oh. Fine. [ Chuckling ] Um, I'll Have A Margarita. One Margarita Coming Up. Uh, Bartender, Uh, Put That On My Tab. Well, Thank You. My Pleasure. Aren't You Sweet ? How Am I Doing ? You Live In, Uh, New Campton ? Oh, All My Life. You From Out Of Town ? Minneapolis. We Put Out A Line Of Gaskets For Diesel Engines. Isn't That Exciting ? Let's Not Overdo It. Oh. Um, Today's My Birthday. I'm 28 Years Old. Congratulations. - Thank You. - Here You Are. One Margarita. Thank You Very Much. Oh, Um, I'm Sorry. Excuse Me. I,Uh, Want To Buy A Number. I Want To Put, Uh, Ten Bucks On Number 281. That's One To Grow On. Ten Bucks On 28-- Jane ! - Howard ! - What Are You Doing In Here ? Uh, I Was, Uh-- [ Clears Throat ] Having A Little Refreshment. Oh, Is That What They Call It These Days ? Ask Her Who The Man Is, Howard. Who Is-- - Howard, I'll Call You Later. - Ask Her Who The Man Is, Howard. - Who Is-- - Howard, I'll Call You Later. - Who Is That Man ? - It's Just A Guy. He Bought Me A Drink. Is That A Crime ? I Told You She Wasn't Right For You In The First Place. Yes, Mother. Maybe- - Maybe We Should Think It Over, Jane. - Mm-Hmm. - I'll Call The Church And Talk To Reverend-- No ! Oh, Howard. Oh, Why-- I'm So Sorry. Oh, Howard, My Baby. Take Your Hands Off Him. Howie ! I'm So Sorry. Why Did You Do That ? You Brute ! Howard, Howard, I Can Explain Everything. I'll Explain It All. I Can Explain It, Howard. And She Hit Me. What Do You Mean You Can Explain ? You Know What Kind Of A Person You Are ? [ Both Arguing ] [ Claire ] I've Always Wanted To Do Something Like This. Something That Would Be Interesting, Challenging... And At The Same Time, A Public Service. You Know What I Mean, Tom ? Yes, Ma'am. There's Bootsie's Place. Ooh, That's, Uh-- This Is It. That's Right. Wait A Minute. What Do I Say ? What Do I Say ? What Is It ? Tell Me Again. When The Guy Comes Up, You Just Say, "I Want Tickets On These Numbers." I Want Tickets On These Numbers. It Doesn't Matter What The Combinations Are... But No More Than Three Numbers In Any One Group. When I Come In, I Say I Want Tickets On These Combinations... I Want A Ticket. Of Groups Of-- Why Don't You Just Read It Off The List I Gave You ? Oh, The List. The List. CanI HelpYou? I Have A Special On "Chrysanthenums." I Want To Bet A Hundred Groups On These Tickets Of Three. - What ? - Ah, Oh-- Oh- - Uh- - Ah-- It's All Right. I Got It. Ah, I Want-- I Want To Bet A Hundred Tickets On This Three Group Combination. My- - My Wife's A Little Nervous, Because If She Wins, We're Going On Our Second Honeymoon. Oh, Yeah. We're-- A Hundred Dollars On These Numbers. Here. A Hundred Dollars. Wait. [Claire] Here. I'll Get Your Copy. How Did I Do ? I've, Uh, Never Seen Anything To Top It. Oh. Uh, If You Lose, Does The Treasury Department Give You Back Your Money ? I Thought So. Here's Your Order, Lady. Oh-- And Next Time Take Your Business Someplace Else. Did You Have To Wear That ? We Look Like The Bobsey Twins. Or Triplets. [ Groans ] - Did You Make The Bet Yet ? - Shh. You Got It. I Got A Tape Recorder. Is It On ? No. Why Don't You Put It On So That It'll Be Running... When We Make The Bet. Good Idea. - [ Recorder Rewinding ] - Not That Way. That's Reverse. What'll It Be ? Uh, Coffee. Coffee. Figures. And A Fiver On 268. My Horoscope Says That Even Numbers Are Going To Be Very Lucky For Me Today. Fin. 268. - Did You Get It ? - I Think So. - You Better Make Sure. [Click,MusicStarts] -♪ [ Continues] - Shh. ♪ Oh, Roll Out The Barrel ♪ ♪We'llHave A Barrel Of Fun ♪ Yippee ! ♪ Roll Out The Barrel ♪ ♪ We've Got The Blues On The Run ♪ - ♪ Sing Boom Ta Rar Ra ♪ - Get Outta Here ! ♪ Ring Out A Song Of Good Cheer ♪ ♪ Now's The Time To Roll The Barrel ♪ ♪ For The Gang's All Here ♪ ♪ Ba Da Da Da Ba Da Da Da ♪ Delaney Told Me It Was A Blank Tape. Mrs. Rafferty, We're Fortunate We're Not Dead. After All, We Don't Even Look Like The Andrews Sisters. Ladies ! Ladies ! Look, There Is No Point In Rehashing It. We Blew It, All The Way Down The Line. It Is Over, Done With. It Was A Crazy Idea. Not Your Fault. I Accept Full Responsibility. Yeah, Well, I'm Sure We'll Handle It Better Next Time. We Will. We'll Handle It Better Next Time. Next Time ? What Next Time ? The Way They Fixed It, Serpico Couldn't Get In One Of Those Joints. Well, What About In A Couple Of Weeks When Things Cool Down ? Couple Of Weeks. They Won't Even Know Us In A Couple Of Weeks. Thanks, But No Thanks. Hey, Just Because We Made A Couple Of Goofs, You're Not Gonna Bench Us. We're Not Out Of The Ball Game Yet. I Agree. Frankly, I'd Like To Stick It To 'Em Good. What Did You Have In Mind, Tiger ? Well, I Don't Know. I Have An Idea. Uh, Why Don't We Go After That Bank You Told Us About ? Yes ? You Said If They Dried Up The Bank, They'd Go Out Of Town. Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Now, Look, You're A Gung Ho Bunch Of Dames. I Like That. But It Takes Professionals Years To Find A Bank, If They're Lucky. There Is No Way That Five Inexperienced Ladies-- Oh ! Capable As You Are-- Are Gonna Find Their Bank. Why Not ? Who'd Ever Suspect Us Of Following Them ? Following Them ? Lady, When Those Pickup Men Are Carrying Slips And Money, They're Checking For Tails All The Way. I Mean, You Would Need Your Expert Drivers, You Would Need Your Code Names, You Would Need Your Radio-Equipped Cars For Switch-Offs. We Got The Drivers. We Got The Cars. First Of All, My Department Would Never Spring For It. So Forget It. I Will Spring For The Radios, If You All Would Like To Use Them. Claire, That's Terrific. So ? Yeah. How About It ? - Marv, Give Us A Chance. - Why Not ? I Don't Know. It's Like Chicken Soup. It Won't Do Any Good, But It Couldn't Hurt. [ Women Screaming Excitedly ] I Guess ! [ Radio Whining ] This Is Home Plate Calling All Units. [ Women Talking At Once ] Hold It ! Hold It ! I Told Youse, You Can Only Talk One At A Time. Uh, Phantom Fox. Uh, Max And I Are Watching Freddie, Uh, Two Fingers Snooker Parlor, And, Uh, I Expect To Be Murdered Any Minute. If That Should Happen, Would Somebody Please Contact Alfredo ? He Does My Hair. Ten-Four. [ Delaney ] Five Dames Ain't Ever Gonna Find No Bank. We'll Be Lucky If They Don't Get Us All Killed. If You Want Me Honest Opinion, It's A Wild-Duck Chase. Who- - Who-- Who Is That ? It Sounds Like Delaney Rafferty. Blarney Stone, The Whole Idea Is That They'd Be Less Suspicious With Women Following Them. I Know. I Know. But I Can't Drive, Reverend. [ Chuckling ] And You'll Never Recognize Delaney. Don't Use My Name, I Told Ya. If It Got Out What I Was Doing, I'd Be Spending The Night In The River, That's What. Them Guys Play For Keeps. [ Man On Radio ] Today's Cooking Corner Recipe Is A Fantasy All Of Us Know. It's Called Fairy Queen Pudding. Mmm. First You Prepare Four Egg Whites. [ Man Continuing ] [ Jane ] June Bride. There's A Man Leaving Big Chin's With A Paper Bag. This Could Be The Pickup Man. Describe The Suspect, Please. Brown Pants And A Blue Jacket... With Red And White Stripes Down The Sleeves. I Think It's A Polyester. June Bride, What Is He Doing Now ? I Don't Know. He's Gone. He Drove Off. Follow Him ! All Right. Don't Shout. Of All The Dumb, Stupid Broads ! My Acid Is Flowing. June Bride, Uh, Could You Describe The Car ? Yes. It Was Olive Green. No, Maybe It Was More Avocado. Well, It Was Lighter Than A Forest Green But Not As Bright As Kelly Green. I Think We Better Stick With Avocado. Try To Locate The Car, And Hurry ! Please. [ Marv ] Please. ISeeHim. He's Driving A Plymouth. He's On Lexington. Okay, Okay. Beautiful. That's Good. - Which Way On Lexington ? - Towards That New Boutique. She's Trying To Kill Me. I Think She Means East. I'mGettingStopped By A Red Light. Am I Allowed To Run It ? -No,No . Stop. - Marv, Kiddie Car Could Probably Pick Him Up. Kiddie Car, Come In. Please ! [ Mrs. Simms ] Oh. Um- - Um, Hello. Uh, Excuse Me. All Right, All Right, Toby, Give Betty Back Her Creepy Crawlers. Toby, They're Her Creepy Crawlers. Hold The Line. Toby, You Have Your Ray Gun. You Don't Need Her Creepy Crawlers. Marvin, Will You Tell Toby To Give Betty Back Her Creepy Crawlers. I Will, If You'll Go To Lexington And Look For A Green Plymouth, And Hurry. I Can't. I'm Not Anywhere Near There. You're Supposed To Be. I Was, But I Forgot Today Was My Day To Pick Up The Cobras. - Pick Up What ? - The Cobras. They're Six And Two On The Season. If They Take The Tigers, They're A Cinch For The Play-Offs. HowLongWillItTake You To Get To Lexington And High Street ? We Can Leave... Just As Soon As The Shortstop Gets Out Of The Boys Room. Tell Them All To Go Home. Forget It. It's All Over. Listen, Marv, If He Stays East On Lexington, Clunker Could Pick Him Up. Clunker ? Have We Had That One Yet ? Not Yet. - Clunker, Are You There ? - Ready To Go. Good. - Could You Go To Lexington And Look For A Green Plymouth ? - On My Way. She's Going. [ Engine Not Starting ] Come On, You Rare Beauty. Clunker, The Driver Is Wearing A Blue Jacket With Red And White Stripes. Gotcha. Come On, Baby. We Gotta Take A Hike. Gotta Help Auntie Cleo. That's A Precious Lamb. Yes, Indeed. Good Boy. Good Boy. Good Boy. [BabyCrying] Yes, Yes, Yes. Here You Are. Here You Are. This Your Car ? No, Sir. It Belongs To Classic Used Cars. My Husband Works There. I See. Uh, Didn't You See The Sign ? Oh, Boy. May I See Your Operator's License, Please ? Here You Are, Sir. Thank You. Watch It, Lady. Watch It. Watch It. I Got Him. Good. He's Not On Lexington. He's On King Street. I'm Right Beside Him. Does He Still Have The Bag, Clunker ? Clunker, Does He Still Have The Bag ? Answer. Clunker, Answer. I Can't See. - Go To Sleep For Mama. Nice Baby. - What's With "Go To Sleep" ? Can You At Least Get The License Number ? - Hey, You, Lady ! - Clunker, What Are You Doing ? Will You Give Us The License Number ? Now, You Listen To Me. You Keep Quiet Till I Tell You, You Hear ? Or You'll Wish You Had. That's No Way To Talk To That Infant. Butt Out, Lady. [ Gasps ] [Officer] Hey ! Hey ! Hey, Lady, I Could Cite You For Evading Arrest. And If That Piece Of Junk Isn't Moved In Five Minutes, I'm Gonna Have It Towed Away And Impounded. You Got Yourself A Deal. I Lost Him For A Moment, Home Plate, But I Got Him Now. He's Coming Out Of A Market, And He's Driving North On Crown Street. - Good. Stay With Him. - Can't Do It, Home Plate. I'm Out Of Gas. - What ? - Give It To Phantom Fox. [ Marv ] Phantom Fox, He's Coming Your Way. Move Out. With Pleasure. [ Engine Starts, Horn Honks ] Got Him, Home Plate. He Stopped At The Park. He's Heading Toward A Man On A Picnic Table. He's Sitting At The Picnic Table. Watch Him, Phantom Fox. Every Move. He Has A Bag. He's Reaching Inside The Bag. He's Taking Out A... Sandwich. He Threw The Bag Away In The- - In The Garbage. [ Man Over P.A. ] Mr. Martin, Please. Check Okay On Register Number Six. Hi, Mom ! Hi ! Hi ! Hi. Why Are You Buying So Much Cheerios ? I'm Not. What Do You Know About Shopping ? Go- - Go Find Your Little Sister. Can We Get Some Ice Cream ? Ah, Yes. Don't Bother Mommy Now. [ Both ] Thanks, Mom ! Excuse Me. He's Still At The Magazine Stand. Just Be Patient. This Is Where We Blew It Yesterday. He Keeps Checking His Watch And Looking Out The Window. The Other Guy Must Be Late. Keep Watching Him ! There's Another Man Who Came In With A Paper Bag. This Could Be A Pass. Everybody Stay Awake. They Did It. They Did It. They Switched Bags. They're Leaving. Okay. Follow Him. - Follow Him ? Which One ? - The One With The Bag ! - They Both Have Bags. - The Newer One With The Old Bag. Oh, Uh, Yes. He's On His Way Out The Door, And He Has A Plaid Shirt On. [ Jane ] I See Him ! Subject Is A Male Caucasian About, I Don't Know, 5'8, SandyHairAndALittle Paunchy. He's Getting Into A Little White Car. All Units, Plan "A." Look For A Little, Uh, White Car. [ Starts Engine ] He's Turning Right On Danny. Danny Avenue. Stay With Him. Stay With Him. - He's Speeding Up, Home Plate. - You're Burned. You're Burned. Peel Off ! Peel Off ! Peel Off ! Who's Got Him ? Who's Got Him ? Not I, Home Plate. I Peeled Off As Instructed. Not Me. I Peeled Off. [ Rosie ] We Did Like You Told Us. [Cleo]MeToo! I Just Peeled Off. They All Peeled Off ? I Got Him ! I Got Him ! Break For Phantom Fox. Suspect In View. Rear View. [Marv]PhantomFox, Where Are You Located ? I'm On- - I'm On 4th Street. He's Right Behind Me. All Right, Now. Now, Listen. Listen, Slow Down, Let Him Pass You And Stay With Him. He's Turn-- He Turned Down The Alley, Down On Jefferson. That's All Right. Turn Around And Go Back. She Can't Turn, Marv. That's A One-Way Street. Phantom Fox, We'll Give You Instructions. You Can't Turn. I Can't Back Up Either. Well, I'll Try. [ Tires Screeching ] [ Horns Honking ] There He Is, Down The Alley. I'll Double Back. [ Marv ] All Right, That's Good, But Do Not Get Too Close. Repeat: Do Not Get Too Close. I'm Terribly Sorry. Are You All Right ? Look What You Did. Are You Crazy, Lady ? [ Marv ] Phantom Fox, What's Happening ? [ Mike ] Here, Let Me Have That Thing. PhantomFox,If You'veLost Him, Return To North Avenue For Further-- Don't Say North Avenue On The Thing ! They'll Hear You ! [ Siren Wailing ] I Never Could Stand That Show. The Doctor Said Complete Rest And Quiet For A Few Days, But You Can Talk To Him. Hi, Marv. How Are You Feeling ? Wonderful. Marv, The Girls And I Were Talking. [ Gurgling Sounds ] And,Uh,Well, They'dLikeTo Take Another Shot At It. Reverend, We Shot At It... Three Times. Each Time, It Was A Fiasco. [ Gurgling Continues ] My Stomach Isn't Up To It. Claire Said She'd Get A Radio For My Office At The Church. It's Her Money. Get Two. Then I'll Tell Them It's Okay To Continue ? Tell Them Anything You Want, As Long As I Don't Have To Hear It Or Be There. [ Sighs ] Thanks, Marv. Hope You Feel Better. I'll Be In Touch. Don't Bother. [ Mrs. Simms Over Radio ] Mike, He's Doing Just As You Said, Home Plate. He's Coming Back On Raymond. He's Stopping. He's Making A Pass... To A White Cable Tv Van. [ Barking ] [ Mike Over Radio ] He Could Be The Collector. Let The Car Go. Stay With The Van. He's Leaving, And I'm Right Behind Him. Now, This Can't Take Very Long, Home Plate. It's Karate Day, The Girls Are Having A Recital, I'm Having A Tupperware Party In A Half Hour. He's Turning Left-- Left On Victory. Bruno, Out Of The-- What'll I Do ? Bruno ! Bruno ! [ Mike ] Let Him Go. Blarney Stone, You're Near. That's Us ! Get Going ! It'll Take At Least Ten Minutes From Here. Oh, No, It Won't. If Ya Can't Drive, Don't Be Touchin' The Wheel ! We're Takin' A Little Shortcut. [ Mike ] Blarney Stone, Where Is He ? Do You Copy ? Blarney Stone, Have You Spotted Him ? [ Knocking ] - Where Are You ? - Don't Ask ! [HornBlaring] [Man] Get Off The Track ! Don't Yell At Me ! Who Do You Think You Are ? [ Yelling Continues ] All Units, We Lost Him. Come On In. Home Plate Out. What Is This ? What Are You Doing ? Are You A Minister Or Batman ? Look At This. You've Turned This Into A War Room. Anne-- Sit Down. Sit Down. I've Got Something To Tell You. I Didn't Mind About The-- Please, Sit Down. The Treasury Department Asked Me To Help Them. The Treasury Department ? They Came To Me. They Need Us. Why ? Chasing Criminals Has Nothing To Do With You Or North Avenue. The Police Are Paid To Do That. Oh, The Police. In This Town ? Yes. Anne, You Said It Yourself. Somebody Has To Do It. If The Church Is Not A Moral Force In The Community, Then It's Just Another Building With Stained Glass Windows And A Steeple. But You Are Meddling In Something Dangerous With All This. I Think The Only Thing You're Gonna Accomplish In The End... Is-Is Harm To The Church. Yes, But They're Actually Making Headway. Those Women, In Their Own Crazy Way, Are Giving The Mob Fits. If We Can Just Hang In There, We Can Put A Crimp In Their Operation, Maybe Stop It Altogether. We Get Closer Every Day. Today, I Think We Found The Collector. You're All Risking Your Lives-- Well, That-That's It. I'll Have No Part Of Any Of That. I Resign As Your Secretary. And I'm Going To Go To The Executive Committee And Tell Them Why. - Anne. - What ? I Do Understand How You Feel, But I Don't Know What Else To Do. Give It Up. ♪ [ Rock, Indistinct ] ♪ We'll Spread The Sound Of Sunday Music ♪ ♪ The World Will Rise Up Singing Soon ♪ ♪ On Sunday ♪ ♪ Pass A Little Love Around ♪ ♪ Monday ♪ ♪ Pass A Little Love Around ♪ ♪ Tuesday Pass A Little Love Around ♪ ♪ There's Never Been A Sweeter Sound ♪ ♪ Wednesday ♪ ♪ Pass A Little Love Around ♪ ♪ Thursday ♪ ♪ Pass A Little Love Around ♪ ♪ Friday, Saturday Sunday Night ♪ ♪ We'll Be Heaven Bound ♪ ♪ And We'll Be Heaven Bound ♪ ♪ [ Organ ] ♪ Sing Out Some Sunday Morning Music ♪ ♪ Sing Out A Sunday Song ♪ ♪ A Wave Of Sunday Morning Music ♪ ♪ Building Up And Growing Strong ♪ ♪ On Sunday Pass A Little Love Around ♪ ♪ Monday Pass A Little Love Around ♪ ♪ Tuesday Pass A Little Love Around ♪ ♪ There's Never Been A Sweeter Sound ♪ ♪ Wednesday Pass A Little Love Around ♪ ♪ Thursday Pass A Little Love Around ♪ ♪Friday,Saturday Sunday Night ♪ ♪ And We'll Be Heaven Bound ♪ ♪ And We'll Be Heaven Bound ♪ ♪ And We'll Be Heaven Bound ♪ Sunday Morning Music. [ Woman ] Mm-Hmm. For Happy Are The People... Whose God Is The Lord. Amen ! What Are They Trying To Do ? Find The Bank, Close Us Down. Do They All Work For Hill ? One Of 'Em We Know Goes To His Church. [ Sighs ] Hill Isn't An Ordinary Guy Off The Streets. We Hit Him, The Papers Get In On It, The Cops Have To Do A Number. Well, They're Slowin' Up The Work, Sir, And Things Are Gonna Get Worse If We Don't Do Somethin'. Okay. Lean On 'Em. I'm Awake. Yeah ? Hey. What's All That About ? Did Miss Woods Mean What She Said ? Well, She Strikes Me As The Kind Of Person That Does. I Mean... Are You Really Gonna Lose Your Job ? Oh. Well, I Certainly Hope Not. Dad, Why Don't You Give It Up ? It's Not Your Business. Sayeth Carmel. Why Can't You Just Be A Minister And A Daddy ? Oh, Honey, That's-- That's What I'm Trying To Be. Help ! Oh, Help, Somebody ! Call The Fire Department ! Help ! Carmel, Call The Fire Department ! Are You All Right ? Yes ! Call The Fire Department ! Hank, Come Here ! Help Me With The Fire Hose ! Turn It On ! Hey, You, Would You Help Here A Minute ? The Rest Of You, Get Back ! [ Sirens Wailing ] [WomanOverRadio, Indistinct ] I Had No Idea... They'd Do This. I'm Sorry, Anne. It Would Help If You'd Say Something. Anything. I, Uh-- I Was So Wrong. So Wrong. Mike, Um-- I... Wanna Fight Them With You. [ Mike Over Radio ] Rookie ? Rookie, What's Happening ? Lost Him, Home Plate. Sorry, Mike. [ Kids Chattering ] Yuck ! Whose Chili Dog Is This ? I Got Him, I Got Him. I'm Right Behind Him. [ Mike ] Good, Phantom Fox. Stay With Him, Stay With Him. You Dummy ! What Do You Think You're-- [Honking] Watch Out ! [ Mike ] Phantom Fox, What's Going On ? I Got Cut Off At The Pass. [ Rosie ] Get Closer ! Watch Out For That Car ! [ Delaney ] Take Your Hands Off The Wheel ! There's A Lady ! Look Out ! [ Screaming ] Look What You Did ! [ Jane ] I'm Trying To Stay With Him, Home Plate, But He's Really Moving ! [ Mike ] Be Careful, June Bride. Be Careful. Are You All Right, June Bride ? Yes, But I Don't Know What Howard's Gonna Say About His Car. We're Turning On Klump Street, And I'm On His Tail. [ Mike ] Good Going, Rookie. Hang In There. Yahoo ! Not This Time. [ Honking ] [ Mike ] Where Could He Have Gone To ? I Don't Know, But I'm Having Trouble With My Radio Again. I'm Coming In. When We Don't Pay The Winners Off On Time, They Get Nervous. They Think Something's Wrong. Business Falls Off. We Don't Want That. They Got Stakeouts On Every Road. I Lose One, I Look Back, There's Another One Comin'. They Ain't As Easy To Shake As They Used To Be. A Bunch Of Church Ladies ? I'm Not Gonna Let A Preacher... And Some Ding-A-Ling Dames Ruin Our Business. They Get Too Close To This Place, Hit 'Em. Yes, Sir. Every Time The Collector Has Shaken Us, It's Been In Here. Then The Bank Must Be In There. Probably, But It's Still A Very Big Area. It Sure Is. Well, He Just Plain Outdrives Us. [ Voices Overlapping ] Not Necessarily. I Don't Know What He Fuels That Crate With. Now, He's Obviously Got Something Bigger Than A Stock Engine Under There. You Can Say That Again. That's Right. "Dear Reverend Hill, The General Council... "Has Voted Not To Rebuild North Avenue. North Avenue Has Served Its Purpose And Will Be Dissolved." Well-- Dissolved. Well, We'll Appeal That. I'll-I'll Call The Presbytery Myself. [ Sniffles ] "Further, It Is The Intention Of The General Council... "To Declare The Pulpit Of North Avenue Vacant. "Dr. Rheems And Reverend Wainwright Will Be Joining Me... "For The Disposition Of The Real Estate. Sincerely Yours, Victor A. Fulton, Presbytery Executive." Oh, Mike, I'm So Sorry. WhatExactlyDoesThatMean , "Declare The Pulpit Vacant" ? It Means He's Fired. It Means I've-I've... Cost You Your Church. ♪ [ Soft Rock On Radio ] We Certainly Have Lovely Weather For You Folks. Unfortunately, We're Not Here To Enjoy The Weather. Has Dr. Fulton Arrived ? Oh, Yes. He's With Reverend Hill Right Now. [StaticOn Radio] There's Certainly A Lot Of Static On Your Radio. Yeah. [ Gasping ] Oh ! [SwitchingChannels] Mike ? Mike, Answer ! Answer ! Glen Park Church Is Over Five Miles From Here, And-- [ Radio Beeping ] What's That Beeping Noise ? Oh- - Oh, That's A Radio I Use For Emergencies. And, You Know, Transportation Will Be A Real Problem For Some Of Our Older Members. Hadn't You Better Answer That ? I-I- - Oh, Sure. [ Chuckles ] [ Clears Throat ] Reverend Hill Speaking. Mike, Hi. I Think I Found The Missing Link. I'm Tailing A Camper South On Airport. Uh, Could We Discuss This At A More Propitious Time ? I'm In Conference Just Now. No, This Won't Wait ! I'm Positive This Is The Collection Van Disguised As A Camper, Because The Motor Is Giving Over The Same Static Over The Radio. Can't You Hear It ? [ Mike ] That's Hardly Conclusive. I Recognize The Driver. It's The Same Guy. Aren't You Supposed To Be Picking Up Some People ? Oh. Uh, Yeah, They're Here. Mike, Look, Uh, If It's Old Sourpuss Fulton That You're Worried About, Well, He Wouldn't Know A Good Minister... If God Put His Arm Around Him And Said, "That's My Boy." Know What I Mean ? [ Sighs ] This Is It. Please Send Us Some Help. Excuse Me, Dr. Fulton, But This Is Really Important. Okay, Rookie. I'll Send The Shortcakes Over And Get Jane. And Then I'll Call Cleo, And I'll Send You All The Help I Can Get, All Right ? Good Luck, And Keep Me Posted. Yippee ! Carmel, Dean, Do You Have Any Idea Where Mrs. Simms Is ? -There's A Pet Show At The Park. -Find Her And Tell Her To Long-Distance Rookie. [ Together ] Okay. And Hurry, Kids, Please. Are You Ready Now ? All Right, Everybody. Oh, Uh, Move In Just A Little Bit. Oh, Yes, That's Beautiful. Now, Everybody Get Around The Wedding Cake. I Want One Of The Wedding Cake. Move In, Move In. Oh, Everything All Right, Dear ? ♪ [ Rock On Stereo ] Oh, Hello There. Who Are You ? Friends Of The Bride. Nice To Meet You. Right. Oh, No, No, No. Wait A Minute. You Can't. This Is A-- This Is A Respectable Wedding. Uh, No Gypsies Here. Sorry, Howard, I Gotta Run. I'll Call Ya. What ? Jane ? Excuse Me. Jane ? Jane, Look. I Don't Know What You've Been Up To Lately... And I Don't Want To, But You're Not Running Out On Me Now. Then Pile In And Fasten Your Safety Belt. I'm Driving. Okay. [ Starts Engine ] Well, That Figures. [ Tires Screeching ] Howard, What About The Rice ? I Haven't The Vaguest Idea What's Happening, Miss Woods, But I Wouldn't Miss It For The World. Oh, Good. Well, Uh, Watch Out For Police. Okay. Reverend, Check For Smokies In Plain Brown Wrappers. - What ? - I'm Kahx-1235, The Ecumenical Enchantress. [ Laughing ] Well, You've Just Been Drafted. All Right, All You Good Buddies. This Channel Is 10-33. Keep It Clear. There She Is ! Mrs. Simms ! Mrs. Simms ! Mrs. Simms ! Mrs. Simms ! Dad Says To Long-Distance Rookie, And To Hurry ! This Could Bust The Bank ! All Right. I'm Sorry, Children. The Pet Show Will Have To Wait. I Wanna Go To The Pet Show ! You Mean I Washed My Turtle For Nothing ? [ Mrs. Simms ] Get In Back Here. [ Voices Overlapping ] Oh, No ! My Snakes Fell Out ! [ Horns Honking ] [ Girl ] We Better Pick Him Up, Mrs. Simms ! [ Mrs. Simms ] I'm Awfully Sorry, Folks. Things Have Gone Amuck. [ All Shouting ] No, You're-- You're Going The Wrong Way. [ Honking Continues ] Uh, This-This Way. This Way. Aah ! What's Happening Here ? Come On, Hurry ! Now Look What You Did With All Your Hurryin' ! You Got A Run In Me Stockin' ! Well, It's The Last Time You'll Have To Wear Them, I Hope. It Looks Like I Slid Into Second. Oh, Will You Shut Up And Get In And Drive The Car ! Get Yourself In ! Rookie To Home Plate. Suspect Heading South, Both Feet On The Floor. - How Am I Hittin' Ya ? - That Sounds Like Dr. Rheems. Dr. Rheems ? You Got It. [ Fulton ] What Are You Doing Getting Mixed Up In A Thing Like This ? I Want You And Reverend Wainwright To Get Out Of That Car Immediately. [Dr.Rheems] Sorry, Doctor. Don't Read You. The Ecumenical Enchantress, 10-8 And On The Side. [ Honks Horn ] [SirenWailing] [ Mrs. Simms ] Nobody Panic. Oh, There's Bruno. Get Him, Danny ! Get Him, Danny ! Bruno ! Bruno ! Bruno ! That's A Good Bowser. Get Off My Car ! Get Off Of There ! Oh, The Snake. Did Anybody Get The Snake ? [ Honking Continues ] He's Still At The Beer Joint, Home Plate, Like-- Like He Has Nowhere To Go. [ Mike ] He Could Be Cooling The Work. Hang Back, Rookie. Let Us Know When He Moves. Okay. [Barking] Easy. Easy, Mrs. Porter. Thanks, Alfredo. Give Me The Keys. Where Are The Keys ? Open The Door. Easy. All Right, Maximilian, Inside. Okay, Give Me The Keys. Okay, Bye, Pam. See You Later. Be Careful. Watch Your Nails. I'll Come Back For My Things Later. [ Starts Engine ] Heavens ! Oh. Watch-Watch Your Back. [ Horns Honking ] Easy. Okay. I Think We're All Set. Everybody's In. Hello. You Better Pull It Over To The Curb, Lady. This Is Gonna Take A While. Oh, No, No, I'm Sorry. I-I Can't Right Now. I'm Terribly Sorry. I'm Awfully Busy. You're Busy ? Pull This Car Over There ! Hang On, Children. Hey ! Hey ! What Are You Doing ? WhereAreYouGoing? Come Back Here ! I Really Appreciate This, And-And You Two Have Been Just Wonderful. But, You Know, Maybe You Should Get Out While You Can. This Could Get A Little Rough Before It's Over. You Do What You Want, Reverend Wainwright. But Personally, I Haven't Has This Much Excitement... Since I Got Snowed In At The Elks Convention. [ Gasps ] There He Goes ! He's Making His Move, Home Plate ! We're On Our Way. Keep Your Distance, Rookie. Let Us Know His Area And Direction. Lost Him, Home Plate. [Mike] He May Have Taken Brunswick Road. Try It Anyway. Hold It ! Hold It ! Look ! That Gate Is Closing, And There's Dust Settling On The Road Over There. [ Dr. Rheems ] I'll Bet He Drove Up To That Warehouse. Yahoo ! We Found It. This Has Gotta Be It, Home Plate. All Right, Here We Go. Everybody Gets Some Money. How Did It Go ? Milk Run. Rookie To Home Plate, Rookie To Home Plate. It's An Old Warehouse On Hudson, Just West Of Davenport. And Old Hawkshaw Wainwright Here Nailed It. Um, We Don't See Anything Right Now, But The Camper Must've Gone Inside The Building. Mike,I 'mPositive This Is Their Bank. You're In Charge. Reverend Hill ! Where Are You Going ? Reverend Hill ! [ Chattering, Indistinct ] Jane ! Jane ! All Right, Howard, I'm Coming ! I'm Coming ! [ Chattering Continues ] Shh ! Shh ! Shh ! Shh ! Shh ! Shh ! [ Anne ] Hey, Look. Someone's Coming Out. Rookie To Home Plate. The Door's Opening, And There's A Tall, Grey-Haired Man... Getting In The Limousine, And They're Leaving. Come On, Everybody. Into Your Cars. Quick ! I hope you're not getting the wrong idea that we're in here. No, is okay. - Does that cover it? - Is close enough. Why don't we get the one you need? Is only a couple of blocks. - Yeah, all right. - You keep fan belts at your house? I get things delivered there when I'm not here. If you wanna hold on to the 16, thas fine by me. No, no, no. Is okay. Hey, you mind if I use your restroom real fast? Oh, up at the house. That one's out of order. All right. So is it too late to sign Carly up for that beauty pageant? Now, unfortunately it is, because you woulïve won hands down. - Thank you. - That house of wax is pretty cool. - You went inside? - Yeah. Yeah, it was unlocked, so, you know... Everything seems to be unlocked around you, now don't it? Yeah, people used to come to see it from miles away. And Trudy was the main... I guess "artist" is the appropriate word. What about Vincent? - I saw his name on a lot of the work. - He was one of Trudy's boys. - They still around? - No, no. Is a horrible story. Trudy's husband, Doc Sinclair, he was a doctor in the big city until he got his license revoked for doing surgeries on the side. Stuff that, you know, most doctors wouldn't dare do. So he moved him and Trudy out here to Ambrose made a fresh start with his medical practice and, you know, Trudy really found her calling with that whole wax-sculpture thing. It was her dream to do something really incredible here. And then she had a couple kids, picket fence. - Whas horrible about that? - Yeah. Trudy got a cyst in her brain. She just started rotting away. Couldn't work no more, and she went crazy. Things got so bad that Doc Sinclair finally had to strap her to the bed. The whole town could hear her screaming. Dr. Sinclair was so depressed that he couldn't save her he blew his head right off. - Thas terrible. It was worse for the boys, left alone like that. They both ended up in foster homes. Hey, why don't you two hop in. I'll go get the fan belt, and I'll give you a ride to your car. No, actually, we've got friends picking us up where the roaïs washed out. I'll give you a lift. Least I could do for making y'all wait. - Cool. - All right. - Hey, you need to use the facilities, right? - Yeah. Thanks. - Need to use the can? - No, is okay. I'm fine. All right. - So where you heading to anyway? - We're just going to a football game. The bathroom is right down the hall. Let me get out of this jacket and tie, and I'll grab your fan belt. Okay. Thanks. Just let me drive, bitch. He gave me the keys, man. Yeah, because he thinks I'm the one who stole the car and crashed it. Whatever. You didn't have to cover for me, dude. Your jackes clean, all right? Mine's already got plenty of stains on it. One more's not gonna make a difference. Where the hell is this place? Town's not even on the GPS. Thas weird. Hello? Hello? Hello? I'm in here! Hello? I'm in here. Hey. Hello? Hello. Come on. Hey, is Blake. You know what to do. Guys, where the hell are you? Remember the truck that came to the campsite last night? I think we just ran into him. - Where's Wade? - Oh, he's not out here? Guess he's still in the bathroom, then. I got the fan belt. You're not in a hurry, are you? Because I wanted to load the truck up with some stuff first. - What are you doing? - Waiting for Wade. Open the damn door. This is my truck. Hey, what is the matter with you? If you don't open this door, I'm gonna call the cops. You're the guy from the campsite. Wade! - What are you doing? - Wade! Get out of the truck. Stop it. I'm just trying to help you. Give me the keys. Hey. Hey. Stop it, or I'm calling the cops. So you think Carly and Wade are gonna stay together when she moves to New York? Because she be looking at me sometimes like... - Dalton, it ain't happening. - What? What do you mean? And even if it was happening it ain't happening. Nothing personal. Why? You like me better than Wade, right? Wade's not so bad. Yeah, I like Wade too. Help. Please, somebody. Please. Please help me. No. What? What? I'm sorry, Mama. These people just have no respect. Help! Help, please! Will you help, please? ! Over here! Help me! What are you gonna do to me? - Is this it? - Yeah. Well, should we drive through it, you think? - Through all that? - I don't know. I could do it. Thas what I thought. Put me down! No. No. Let me go! Please. Hello? Carly? Wade? Hello? Dalton! All right. Listen. One word, and this is going through your throat. Yeah? Man, there's music playing, but I don't think anyone's here. No one's here. Where you going? To that grocery store we passed. I'm thirsty. Well, what about your sister and Wade, man? Maybe they're at the store. What? I don't know. We came all this way. - You don't think we should look for them? - Check it. I'm gonna go this way. Go that way. We don't find them, meet here, go back to the road. - Cool? - Okay. Yo, paying customer. Hello? - Don't move. - Now what are you do...? Is okay. Just stay still. Is a shame we have to close that pretty mouth of yours. Especially with the way those lips curve. Hey. I'm looking for my sister and her boyfriend. They were looking for a fan belt or something. I don't think I've seen them. This is the only gas station in town, right? Thas right. Yeah, then they were definitely here. I just told you, I didn't see them. Does somebody else work here? No, I own the station. And I woulïve seen them. Well, I was just here a few minutes ago, and you didn't see me. - You weren't even here. - Sorry. Can't help you. - What was that? - Nothing. That was just my dog. Actually, you know what? My brother Vincent was down here for a while. He coulïve helped your sister out. They could be up at the house. - No, my friend went that way earlier. - Really? Well, maybe he ran into my brother up there, then. - Wanna head up to the house? - Yeah, whatever. So, whas your sister look like anyway? Nick! Nick, help me! Please help me! I'm down here! - Nick! - Carly! I'm downstairs! - Thank God. - Jesus. Okay. I'm here. I got you. - Okay. - Here. Watch my finger. Watch my finger. Oh, my God. He did this to you? Where is he? - Where is he? - I locked him out. - Where the hell's Wade? - I don't know. He went into the house. This place is a freak show. Hello? Hello? Anyone here? Carly, Wade. Hello? Anyone here? This is a weird place. Hello? Anyone home? Carly? Carly? Wade, what the hell are you doing, bro? Everyone's waiting for you at the campsite. Wade? Holy shit, man. Hold tight, man. Hold tight. I'm gonna get you out of this. All right, I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. Oh, my God. All right, all right. What happened to you, man? Holy... Hold on. Just hold on. No, no, don't... He's leaving. All right, stay here. Yeah. All right. Car's by the road. Damn it, Dalton's got the keys. Dalton. We gotta call the cops. Shit. Hey, where's your cell phone? It might be in the truck up near the house. What about Wade? I think he has him too. - What if he turns him to wax? - What do you mean, wax? You don't get it. They're all wax, everyone. No, wait. There was a woman in here. She was alive. She pulled the curtain back. The whole town is rigged. Thas impossible. You're saying that thas a real person underneath? - Yes. At the church, they were all like that. At least 20 more. Come here, baby. Shit. Come here, sexy. Baby, we need to talk. - I really need to talk to you. - Whas up with the music? What? I'm not sure, and I don't wanna freak you out... - Wait, hold on. - I need to tell you this. - I'm just gonna go handle the music. - No, let me just tell you... Blake. Goddamn it. I need to talk to you for a minute. Blake! Guys, where the hell are you? Remember the truck that came to the campsite last night? I think we just ran into him. - "Where's Wade?" - "He's still in the bathroom, then." - "What are you doing?" - "Waiting for Wade." This is my truck. You're the guy from the campsite. Blake? Blake? No! - He said he had a brother, right? - Yeah. Vincent. At the house of wax, he did all the sculptures. He's gotta be the one that does the wax. - What if he's around here somewhere? - Yeah. Wait. Nick, what are you doing? You gotta be careful. I am being careful. No, no, no. Ill make too much noise. Why do you have to be so damn stubborn? He will find us. Yeah, chances are he will anyway. At least with this, he might not wanna find us. Thas about right. Go, Carly. Run! I know you're in here. Nick! Edwin, you certainly can play, can't you? And you certainly can sing. Empty shells. Check him for ammo. There's nothing in his pockets. Give me this. Nick, les get out of here. Les go. - Is there anybody left alive in this town? - What about this Vincent guy? Who knows if there even is a Vincent. We gotta get out of this place. Look, what about Wade and Dalton? We can't just leave them behind. - You said your cell phone's in the truck? - Yeah. All right, this is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna go to the truck and get your phone, and see if I can get help. - You go back to the road. Paige and Blake... - No way. No. - I'm not leaving you. - Why do you have to be so damn stubborn? Okay. We stick together, nothing's gonna happen to us. Yeah. Come on. That way. - Is under the front seat. - Nice parking job. Is not in there. Wade and Dalton. Wade went in there and never came out. All right. We'll go in quick, one pass. If we can't find them, we have to get the hell out of here. Yeah. Les try the back. Stay close. Dalton? Wade? Nick. Nick, there's guns. Is bolted to the wall. There's gotta be a key around here somewhere. Fuck! No. Goddamn it. I told him not to do that. Hey, you don't ever leave here without me. You know better than that. Don't be so stupid. Whas the matter with you? Don't. I said, don't. Get. Get. Fucking freak. Hey, the town's looking real good. We almost finished what Mama started. Those two are good. They'll fit perfect. Whad I tell you, huh? Isn't your work more real now? Ma would be proud. Yeah, she'd be real proud. She always said that your talent would make up for what God took away from you. Now, there's two more. We still got a lot of work to do. Is okay, is okay. All right. I saw Paige and Blake's bodies. They're dead. We gotta go. Now. Damn. I can't see anything. There's gotta be a light here somewhere. Come on. Dalton. Nick. I'll get you out of there. No. No. Nick. Nick, please. No. Thas Vincent. Come on, Carly. Move it. Move it! Nick, les get out of here. Hurry! Come on. Come this way. No. Oh, my God. Wade. - Come on. - No. You sick fuck! - You're finished. - No. Carly, behind you! Come on. Get up. Please. Run! Go, Carly! Run! Hey, Vincent. Hey. Vincent. I swear to God, if you hurt her... Vincent! No. Listen to me. Listen to me. I heard you talking. You don't need to do this. You didn't have to listen to your brother. I saw Bo's scars. And the highchairs. No! You're not a freak! He was! You don't need to do this. Please. You're an artist. Bo was lying to you. He used you. Do you really think that your mother would have wanted you to do this? Please don't kill me! Motherfucker! Oh, shit. Carly! I'm here. Carly, do it! Do it now! Come on. - Nick, get up! - Yeah. - We're almost there! - Oh, God! How do we get out? - Watch out! - Get back. Nick. The wall. Dig! Faster! Faster! Dig! Come on, Carly. Faster! Go, go! Come on. Come on. Oh, God! Watch yourself. Is over 70 and counting right now. Hey, thas my frienïs camera. Hey, thas my frienïs camera. Sorry, son. Thas evidence. You guys okay? Well, don't worry. We'll get you to the hospital. How could no one have known about all of this? Truth is, this town's hard as hell to get to. Is been abandoned 10 years, ever since that sugar mill shut down. Hell, it ain't even on the map anymore. We found all those cars in that old factory. Those Sinclair boys pulled people off the interstate for years. If it wasn't for all the smoke from the fire, we wouldn't have even known. Excuse me, sir. Louis wants to talk to you. Yeah. Excuse me. Maybe there's some good memories on this. You took it? It just felt wrong leaving it behind. You know? You okay? We're okay. Sheriff? - Yeah, Dave? - "Ran the Sinclair family through CDIC." Trudy and the doctor didn't have two sons. They had three. [ENGLISH] I came to get the books. I want to study our accounts. We �ve been doing very well lately. Over 200 paid admissions today. You call that good Saturday business? If you weren �t so stubborn, we �d be turning them away from here. Who cares a hang about history in wax? There are people in the world who love beauty. But more who want sensation, shock! Morbidly curious! I won �t cater to them. Their money is as good as anybody else �s. You should have seen them turning them away at that Wax Museum... on 23rd Street tonight: the Eden Musée. The story �s the same at Madame Tussaud �s in London. -lf you �d only listened to me-- -l know, Matthew. I �d put in a Chamber of Horrors: murder, torture, executions... scare the life out of people. I don �t care for that kind of patronage! You �re a great artist, a genius sculptor. I �m an ordinary businessman who wants a quick return on his investment. I �ve put $20,000 in this historic peep show of yours. -l could use that to better advantage. -All right, Matthew. I �ve known for some time you wanted to dissolve our partnership. -l may be able to accommodate you. -How? A friend is bringing Sidney Wallace, the art critic, to see my work tonight. Wallace is rich, and I think I might persuade him to buy you out. That sounds interesting. -l �ll want a profit on my investment. -Yes, Matthew. I understand. You leave everything to me, and I promise you it will be-- -That should be they, now. -l �ll wait in the office. I �ve heard of Wallace. He has a pot of money. If he likes your stuff, put a stiff price on it. -Does Jarrod live here? -Yes, he has a room upstairs. You �ll like him, Sidney. He speaks your language. Please come in. I �m happy to see you, Bruce. I thought you wouldn �t come on such a bad night. We were delayed. He had to be at a gallery. Mr. Sidney Wallace. Professor Jarrod. -A pleasure. -For me also, Professor. That title was bestowed on me when I became an exhibitor. It has little to do with my real work. If you come, I will show you what that work is. The visit of such a distinguished critic... may cause my children to become conceited. To you, they �re wax. But to me, their creator, they live and breathe. Here we have two great lovers from the past. Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt, and Mark Antony. Their last meeting. You �ll recall, Antony, believing Cleopatra to be dead... killed himself with his own sword. When Cleopatra found out what happened, she quickly followed her lover. You noticed how cleverly the hair is mounted on the scalp? Yes. How do you do that? Real hair of the proper color and texture... is pressed into the slightly warmed wax with a scalpel... one hair at a time. Each wave and curl of the subject �s own hair is reproduced. Here �s President Lincoln and his assassin, John Wilkes Booth... one of my few concessions to the macabre. That �s the best figure of Booth l �ve ever seen. You almost expect him to speak. -l wonder what he �d say. -l �m sure he �d rant a bit. Even after he shot Lincoln and jumped from the President �s box onto the stage... he couldn �t resist turning to the audience and taking a bow. I found him a very stubborn person. -Stubborn? -Unbelievably. For days I argued with this fellow before he posed the way I wanted him to. -You mean, he talked back to you? -Of course. It �s not easy to shut an actor �s mouth. These groups are like dimensional paintings of the old masters. This is not only a great show, it �s an art exhibit. That �s what I told you. Here we have Joan of Arc, a favorite subject of mine. -l understand that. lt �s beautifully done. -Thank you. I �ve done her over a dozen times, and still she doesn �t complain. What was wrong with her? There are no authentic portraits available... so sculptors and painters have to work from models. I �ve never found the right one, but I will someday. It �s a shame to race through this exhibit. These figures should be studied. You �re very kind. My creations have some merit, I suspect... but in bringing back to life the lovely Marie Antoinette... I feel I �ve done my best work. I �ve never seen anything so exquisite. People say they can see my Marie Antoinette breathe... that her breast rises and falls. Look at her eyes, they follow you wherever you go. She is very real to me. You know, her eyes do follow you. They �re made of glass, more �s the pity. The exact size and color of the original. They �re inserted into the sockets from inside... by way of the hollow neck, before the head is attached to the body. Forgive me, my dear, for discussing your intimate secrets. I �m sorry. I lose myself at times. If people knew what you have inside these walls... you couldn �t accommodate the crowds. What you need here is exploitation, more advertising. -That �s what I �ve been telling him. -My partner wouldn �t agree. He �s not happy here. He wants to invest in something else. Would you become a partner in this venture? Would you buy him out? I might be interested if my lawyers approve and the price is right. With your support, I �d do wonders. I �d make any sacrifice. Unfortunately, I �m leaving for Egypt. I �m financing some excavations there. I �ll be back in three months, then we can discuss-- You make me very happy. You intrigue me, Professor. I believe we �d get along together. -Good night. -Good night. -And I �m grateful to you-- -lt �s all right. Thank you for your visit and your encouragement. I �ll see you in three months. -Good night. -Good night. Mr. Wallace is a great art critic, darling. You heard what he said. Does he make you happy? Of course you �d say that. But I don �t care about success. The world will acknowledge your beauty. And you, my friends... Cleopatra, Mark Antony, Lincoln, Joan of Arc, all of you. How would it suit you to be famous again? I know it �ll please you, you conceited devil. It was like you to get yourself shot down in a burning barn. Couldn �t do it without a spotlight, could you? Do you really hear what they say? Of course. A man has to be a little nuts to be a good showman. The sooner I �m out of it, the better. You �ll be out soon, Matthew. Mr. Wallace returns from Egypt in three months. He �ll be ready to talk business then. -l heard him. That �s no good for me. -But, surely-- l want to buy something. lt �ll pay off in a big way and three months is too late. What guarantee do I have that he won �t go cold on the deal? -Sorry. lt �s the best I could do. -l can do better. How would you like to split $25,000 with me? And you call me crazy? You ever thought of what would happen if we had a fire here? In the cellar, there are six barrels of wax. Wax is paraffin based. It �s highly inflammable. This place would go up like a paint factory. Burn? Burn all my people? -Do you think I �m a murderer? -Stop dreaming. These dummies are insured for $25,000. That �s $12,500 for each of us. You �d have money to begin again. I �d rather die myself than see my friends destroyed. I won �t let you do it, and I �ll kill you if you try. Don �t be stupid. All you have to do is to strike a match and the thing is done. Yes, my friend was a genius. A great artist. Only I could understand him. We were like that, Cathy. Just like that. -Couldn �t they ever find him after the fire? -Not a sign of him. The place burned like a paint factory. Like a volcano. He was such an impractical fellow. But I still loved him. Had I been there, I might have saved him. You might have gotten burned yourself. Yes. Such is life. No matter how much we lose, we must still go on living. Was there any insurance on the Wax Museum? Yes. I had a little difficulty about that. According to the partnership agreement... the money was to go to the survivor of the others. The insurance company insists upon proof of my partner �s death. They always want a corpse. But they settled finally. This afternoon, in fact. Certified check. I got it cashed. The money is in my safe. -You know what that means, baby? -No, what? That little trip I was talking to you about.... You �re such a card! -How much did you get? -$25,000. Where would you like to go? Atlantic City? Niagara Falls. We can get the license in Buffalo. -License? -Yes. You know. Legitimate. Why not? It might be fun. Waiter, my check. Pull it tighter, Sue. I want a waist like Anna Held. If I pull it any tighter, you �re not going to be able to breathe. That �s all right. I don �t need much breath, anyway. As my late friend Matty used to say: "lf a girl don �t watch her figure, the men won �t." Wasn �t that the man you were to marry? Yes, but he hung himself instead. Matty was such a card. Where is your new friend gonna take you tonight? The Hoffman House for dinner, and then to a vaudeville show. -That sounds like fun. -He �s a free spender, all right. Little bit older than I like �em, but very distinguished looking. -ls he nice? -Awfully nice. A real gentleman, except when he has had a couple of drinks. That �s to be expected. I �m moving up. I �m moving up in the world, honey. No girl ever hits the jackpot till after she passes 14th Street. -ls that how it goes? -Sure. Look at me. Not too long ago, I was down on Delancey Street. And tonight I �ll be right up there among the bright lights on 23rd. Now, when you get up there tonight, don �t drink too much. Don �t worry, I won �t. He keeps trying to pour the liquor into me, but I always manage to keep my head. After all, now that I �m going regular with a swell... I got social obligations. You know how it is when a fella.... No, of course you don �t know. You �re not like me. You never could be. You got all the brains and all I �ve got is what I �ve got. You know, I �m surprised you even talk to me. What nonsense. You �ve been so good to me. Why not? A girl needs a friend when she is down on her luck. Holy smoke! Look at the time. I �ve got to hurry. Did you find a job yet? No, but they need a hat-check girl at the Silver Slipper... and I �ve got an appointment with the manager. I know that fellow. Watch out for him. -But why? What �s the matter with him? -Nothing much. -Long as you know how to duck. -That kind? Yes. -Did you eat today? -l had everything I needed. To hear you tell it. -Besides, you �re behind in your room rent. -Mrs. Flannigan will wait for me. Don �t count on that. The old buzzard almost locked me out once. There. If I don �t sizzle him tonight, I might as well give up. He �s picking me up in a hansom cab. No trolley for him. He is real society. All I �ve got is 50 cents. Buy some dinner with it. -No, Cathy. -Come on. My friend will give me some money tonight and then I �ll stake you. I don �t need any mad money. I never get mad. Good luck tonight at the Silver Slipper. And don �t forget to duck. Just a moment, Miss Allen. -What are you coming in so quietly for? -l didn �t want to disturb anybody. -Did you get the job? -No. -Why not? -l had trouble with the boss. You �ll get your money. Cathy promised to lend me some tonight when she comes home. You better get right up there, then. Because she �s home now. -Couldn �t it wait until tomorrow? -No, it could not. If you want to sleep in this house tonight, you get that money. All right, I �ll try. Cathy, it �s Sue. Are you there? I tell you, the scream came from up there. Let �s look into it. -Usually there �s a policeman at the corner. -That �s why I �m blowing the whistle. Cabbie! -What is it, Mother? -lt �s Sue. This is a surprise. I was just thinking about.... -What happened to you, dear? -What �s wrong? -Wait a minute. -What happened? -Wait a minute. -What is it? Cathy Gray, the girl in my rooming house, was murdered tonight. -What? -l found her. The man who killed her was there in the room. I tried to get away from him. But he followed me into the street. No, Scott, please don �t go out there. It �s all right, darling. Don �t be frightened. It �s all right now, dear. You �re safe. -Who found the body? -One of my roomers. A friend of Cathy �s. -Sue Allen. -Which one is Miss Allen? -She isn �t here. -Where is she? I don �t know. We heard her scream. When we went looking for her, she was gone. -Are all your roomers in? -All but Miss Allen. Lt. Brennan will want a statement from each one of you. See that nobody leaves the house. When I arrived at the rooming house, this girl had been dead for several hours. The immediate cause of death was strangulation. The mark of a cord is still on her throat. My examination indicated she �d probably been given a drug. -You were right. -What was it? Something to make her sleep. Veronal, perhaps. I �ll know as soon as we hear from the laboratory. How long would it take for such a drug to work? That would depend upon how much it was diluted. It was probably given to her in a drink. That �s how it �s usually done. -Business is slow tonight. -What? -Three suicides and two murders.... -And a traffic case since 9:00. The fellow got hit by an automobile. I didn �t think they go fast enough to hurt anybody. Give them time. They �re getting better every day. I hope you like it here, honey. It �s the best we �ve got. -What �s the matter with this one? -You �ll get used to that. The embalming fluid makes them jump. One of the suicides. Just like a woman. They always have to have the last word. -Why didn �t you tell the police? -She �s doing that. Last night was the time to do it. -She was in no condition to come here. -This is murder, Mrs. Andrews. The body of Cathy Gray was stolen from the morgue last night. No. Why would anyone want to take Cathy �s body? We are as much in the dark as you are. We had a similar case before. Matthew Burke. I read about that. And Patterson, a Deputy City Attorney disappeared. We found no trace of him. We could �ve laid our hands on that man that you saw last night. That �s the strangest description I �ve ever heard. -No human being can look like that. -Sure you didn �t imagine it? I did see him. Just as I described him to you. He was incredible, but very real. Could he be the man who took Miss Gray to dinner? That �s impossible. She told me that he was very good-looking. That �s what the landlady said, it �s a man with gray hair. We have no suspects fitting your description. If we did, we �d have him in the crazy house. Don �t leave town. Where can we find you? 27 Lafayette Street. -Miss Allen will stay in our home. -Make sure of that. She �s our only witness. That �s all. Thank you. How do you do? I received a letter giving this address and signed Professor Jarrod. But I know the Professor �s dead. Can you tell me who wrote this letter? My name is Sidney Wallace. It �s so good.... Forgive me. Shaking hands with me is an unpleasant experience. My hands are no longer hands. Sit down, please. This is Igor. He �s a deaf-mute. He is one of my assistants. I �m going to open another wax museum under a different name. -lt startled you, seeing me here? -l thought you were dead. Jarrod is dead. I am a reincarnation. When I saw your signature, I thought somebody was fooling me. I don �t understand how you escaped the fire. It �s a mystery to me, too. All I can remember is that I tried to get out of my studio. -l failed at first, but here I am. -What a frightful experience. Somehow I made my way to the house of a doctor. I still have my limbs but they won �t bear the weight of my body. As for my hands, they are no use to me now. As a sculptor, I can �t control them. But they serve for ordinary functions. -But you �re beginning again? -With the help of my pupils, yes. I �m rebuilding my exhibition from the ground up. I �m going to give the people what they want: sensation, horror, shock. Send them out in the streets to tell their friends... how wonderful it is to be scared to death. I �ll show you one of my subjects. Do you recall the case of Kemmler, the first man to die in the electric chair? -Yes. -Igor is working on a model of his head. He has a strange obsession, this mute of mine. Every head he models takes on the shape of his own face. But in this case I humor him, for he somewhat resembles Kemmler. Crimes of violence will be reproduced in wax... and exhibited while they are still fresh in the public mind. What do you think of my scheme? It will succeed, commercially, though it doesn �t sound like you. -Have you turned your back on beauty? -No. But I can no longer create it. -l never forgot your Marie Antoinette. -Nor have I. She will be the leading lady of my new exhibition. But I must find her first. -Find her? -A model, I mean. Yes, there will be beauty, for contrast, if nothing else. But each subject must be taken from life. How can I convince my audience they �re alive, if I don �t believe it myself? . I have something I think will interest you. You follow Igor down into the basement. I have to go my own way. Here we are. interesting, isn �t it? One of my pupils is about to dip a body into a bath of wax. -Body? -Yes. The bodies are constructed separately... to exact specifications, of reinforced plaster of Paris. This is Leon, another one of my pupils. -Mr. Wallace. -How do you do? The wax is melted in the cauldron you see above the vat... liquefied and brought to a boiling point... so that it will distribute itself evenly over the body. The head and hands, tinted by my own secret process... are attached to the body after it is covered with its skin of wax. Now watch. I wondered how it was done. It �s a method of my own. Crude but adequate. -Have you found a home for your museum? -This is it, the building upstairs. We �ll continue to use the cellar as the workshop... it �s an excellent location, and the building can be leased at the right price. I have some capital, but I need more. $30,000, at least. That �s why I �ve asked you to come here. -l �ll think it over. -Good. She is about right, now. Leon, drain out the surplus, and let her cool. Leon, open up number 27. Come this way, please. I told you that I intend to exhibit scenes of violence. Here is an interesting subject. A mystery they are still talking about. All right, Leon. I saw his picture in the papers. This is a remarkable likeness. -But it can �t be a death mask. -No, it �s from memory. He hanged himself in an elevator shaft. Come in, ladies and gentlemen. See the House of Wax. See the Chamber of Horrors. Here �s three lovely ladies right over here. Would you like to see Little Egypt? Here she is, ladies and gentlemen, Little Egypt, Queen of the Harem... who danced at the Colombian Exposition in Chicago in 1893. is she wax, or is she flesh and blood? See the world in wax, the Hall of Fame. The Chamber Of Horrors. A cultural exhibition that �ll enlighten you, amaze you.... -l think I could do that. -No, you couldn �t. I could, too, if I took my stays off. Don �t do that. Don �t talk that way. Watch it, young lady. Careful, sir. Keep your head down or I �ll tap you on the chin. Look out. That �s a becoming hat you �re wearing. I wonder if I could clip a flower off it. Hold steady, now. Don �t move your head. Or you �ll lose the powder off your nose. There is someone with a bag of popcorn. Close your mouth, it �s the bag I �m aiming at. Not your tonsil. Here she comes. Look at that, it �s in the bag. See the lovely centers of ancient times, ladies and gentlemen. Beauties who died and tortured out on the block. Visit our Chamber of Horrors. And pass the time of day with notorious murderers... who killed with the rope, the knife, and the axe. Thrills, chills, a lot of dirt for a price within the reach of all. I hope you don �t think I �ve gone too far hiring this fellow to bring people in. -He makes it sound like a sideshow. -Try him for a week or two. Once we �re established, we won �t need that sort of thing. He looks like a real man. You �d be surprised. It �s a real man. Sorry. The historic figures I �m about to show you will be more interesting... when I tell you that their faces were molded from the original death masks... now in the possession of certain European governments. First, we have Anne Boleyn... second wife of Henry the Vlll, and the mother of Queen Elizabeth. With the executioner Henry borrowed from the French king... so that Anne �s head would be cleaved from her body without too much pain. He was a thoughtful husband, Henry. It was he who invented the short cut to divorce. A very bad pun, I �m afraid. Here is another scene of historic violence. Charlotte Corday and Marat... one of the leaders of the French Revolution. The lady found him taking a bath, and plunged the knife into his heart. -Quelle femme terrible! -What a shocking thing. Yes, wasn �t it? The poor man was dreadfully embarrassed. The exhibits in this room will be added to... from time to time as various crimes are committed. You �ll read about them in your newspaper... and see them enacted here in waxen tableaux. By the way, ladies... this is how your ancestor carried his bride across the threshold. During the French Revolution... a certain doctor invented a labor-saving device... to take the place of a headmen �s ax. So successful was this machine... at cutting off the heads of the French aristocrats... they named it after its creator. Here it is, the bloody guillotine. I don �t think I can stand it. Pull yourself together. Twelve years ago, the electric chair was first used in New York state. Here we have an authentic reproduction... of the execution of William Kemmler on August 3, in 1890. Kemmler killed without mercy and 2,000 volts sent him to a higher court. The torture of the rack. in this case... Lady Anne Askew, an English noblewoman accused of treason... is being put to the question. Needless to say, she admitted she was a traitor. Who wouldn �t, under that sort of pressure? -ls it your corset? -lt �s my stomach. lt turned over. Mine turned over, too. Now, my friends... we have that jolly old gentleman known as the modern Bluebeard. Like his namesake, he killed not wisely, but too well... and did away with eight wives. -Smelling salts, ladies? Help yourself. -Thank you very much. Next door to him, we have a mystery of more recent date. Matthew Burke, the stockbroker. He was found hanged in the elevator shaft of the building where he had his offices. Was it murder or suicide? Only time will tell. "Foul deeds will rise, though all the world o �erwhelm them, to men �s eyes." Thank you. -You like him? -He looks exactly like my Uncle Rufus. They ought to have a policeman like this in the Eden Musée. -Haven �t you been there? -No. From what I see in the papers, this museum is even better. We �ll soon find out. Meet my good friend, Mr. Sidney Wallace. -Miss Sue Allen. -A pleasure. -l heard you were in town. -You should have looked me up. I expect great things of Scott. He �s one of our most promising sculptors. -Has he been working hard? -He never knows when to stop. -Sue �s been posing for me. -indeed, lovely subject. She �s not a professional model. She �s a guest. Our mothers were great friends. -Have you been inside? -ls it exciting? If anything, too much so. But I �m sure it �ll catch on. Jarrod, the owner, is a good friend of mine. You �ll be interested in him. Let �s go in, shall we? -These figures are excellent. -l thought you �d agree with me. They �re not only well done but they �re good theater. -What do you think? -l know they are only wax... but they seem so real, just looking at her makes my neck hurt. Wait till you see the Chamber of Horrors. I told Jarrod he should have a nurse on duty there. He lost the use of his hands. -Who did these figures? -His pupils, but he supervised the work. -His is the mastermind. -Surely knows his anatomy. Sue, what is it? -Are you crying? -What �s wrong, Miss Allen? A dear friend of mine was murdered and I found her. She means Cathy Gray, the girl whose body was stolen from the morgue. What made you think of her now? That �s her face. I know every line of it. I wake up at night and I see it. I can �t get it out of my mind. Perhaps that �s the reason you see a resemblance. -lt �s more than a resemblance. -lt �s wax, my dear. I know, but.... But why should it be so like Cathy? I think I can explain that. -This is a pleasure. -You see, Miss Allen-- l heard what the young lady said. The figure of Joan of Arc is a traditional exhibit in wax museums. It was completed just in time for our opening tonight. You �re right, my dear. It is more than a chance resemblance. When I create an important figure, I can �t take just any face. I saw pictures of your Cathy Gray in the newspaper. Her face fascinated me. And here she is. Immortalized as the victim of an earlier event. -Do you really think she �d mind? -No, I don �t think she �d mind. Cathy loved to "dress up" as she called it. She used to take fancy dresses... and imitate the actresses she saw in the theater. -l don �t think she �d mind. -Then I �m forgiven? There �s nothing to forgive. I just don �t understand how it can seem so real. That �s the finest compliment I have ever received. Thank you, my dear. Did I hear your name correctly, Scott Andrews? -Yes, Mr. Jarrod. -The sculptor I �ve been telling you about. Sidney showed me photographs of your work. He was right. You have great promise. -What are you doing now? -l �m doing a head of Miss Allen. Let me see your hands. Mine were once like that. How I envy you. Would you be interested in some modeling for me, some originals I have in mind? Yes. I �d be honored. Good. Come here tomorrow morning, we �ll make the arrangements. I think you �ll like it. I want you to look at this girl. -With pleasure. -Who does she remind you of? . I �ve been wondering about that. I haven �t known her more than 10 minutes... but there �s something about her face-- That haunts you as the face of my Marie Antoinette has haunted me. Of course. I should have seen it at once. A figure in wax. Mr. Jarrod �s greatest work. More than wax. She lived. -You mean I look like she did? -Exactly as she did. Once in his lifetime, every artist feels the hand of God... and creates something that comes alive. So it was with my Marie Antoinette. And I loved her. But she is gone now. Horribly destroyed. Perhaps you would help me to bring her back. You will come to see me? Soon? I �d be glad to. You �ll be welcome at any time, no matter what I �m doing. -And you, Mr. Andrews, in the morning.... -l �ll be here, very eager to begin. It has been a very exciting day for me and I �m a little tired. So if you �ll forgive me, I �ll say good night. -Sidney, one moment, please. -Excuse me, I �ll be right back. Forget about it. You heard what Mr. Jarrod said. Cathy �s face was inspiration. It �s a portrait in wax. Why should it seem so real? I hate to drag you away. That �s fine. I �m going to work here. We �ll see it all another time. Yes, another time. Still time to see the entire exhibition, ladies and gentlemen. Get your tickets from the fine little lady in the box office and go right in. See the world in wax and improve your mind. See the Chamber of Horrors and scare yourself out of a year �s growth. Not again. What happened? Why did you scream? I saw Cathy again. And the man who killed her was right here in this room. I must have been dreaming. Of course you were, dear. A lager for the gentleman. Sarsaparilla for the lady. -And two knockwurst on rye. -Thank you. -Enjoying yourself? . -lt �s exciting. -Do nice people come here? -Of course. -These Sunday matinees are very popular. -l don �t know. It doesn �t seem proper, all those girls showing their talents. You never saw a show like this in Provincetown? Don �t worry, your reputation is safe. You �ve been worrying too much... about wax figures and seeing monsters in your dreams. You need something like this to bring you back to normalcy. Prosit! Remember Mr. Jarrod said he first saw Cathy �s picture in the newspaper. Yes. What �s wrong with that? I knew her so well. I knew every little expression and they are all there. They would be. The man �s an artist. There �s something else I saw that night in the museum. Cathy had a habit of wearing an earring in her right ear. She had the lobe of her right ear only pierced for that. But that �s there, too. How could he see that in a photograph? -How can he make it so real unless.... -What? Unless it is Cathy. I �m going to take you to Lt. Brennan �s office tomorrow. Tell him exactly what you told me here. He �s a policeman, he knows. He �ll convince you once and for all that no such thing could happen. Now relax, honey, and enjoy the show. I know it sounds fantastic, but you asked me to tell you everything. You can see this idea is an obsession, an unhealthy one, if you ask me. -You say Jarrod is a cripple? -He uses a wheelchair. He can walk with crutches, but not very well. Such a man came and asked to see police photographs of Cathy Gray. That �s how it �s done. Every detail is studied to make the features true to life. But why should Joan of Arc have her right ear pierced? -Why not? They wore them then. -Two, not one. Lieutenant, it �s not a suspicion. It �s more a kind of fear, an intuition. Intuition isn �t much help in police work. Facts are what we need. Suppose you forget about it, and let us do the worrying. You mean you �ll investigate it? -Of course he does. -Yes, that �s what I mean. -You both think I �m crazy. -We think nothing of the kind. It was very good of you to listen and be so patient. Thank you. -Goodbye. -Goodbye. Thanks. This is Brennan speaking. Give me Shane. Hello. I want you to go to the City License Bureau... and check up on a man named Henry Jarrod. Yes, he opened a museum on 29th Street, near Broadway. Yes, The House of Wax. Dig up all you can. Get a list of his employees and check with me here. That �s a copy of her face, all right. But she didn �t look like that when I saw her. -Not so composed. -Poor kid. You know, this fellow Jarrod �s good. -You think Miss Allen �s fears are justified? -Heck, no. Do you? That �s wax, how could it be anything else? Leave it to a skirt to dream up a crazy idea like that. So you did you come to see me, my Marie Antoinette? Or was it that you came to see? Mr. Jarrod, I �m so sorry. I know I �m not supposed to touch the figures. You couldn �t help yourself. Don �t let it trouble you. I beg your pardon, this is Leon Averill and Igor. -How do you do? -Igor isn �t impolite. He simply can �t talk. Leon is an artist in his own right. It was he who did the waxwork on the figure of Joan of Arc. -Does she still seem real to you? -As life itself. Of course, her hair is different, but that doesn �t change her face. What puzzles me is how you can get such detail from a photo. Was Cathy wearing her earrings when the police photographed her? Earrings? I don �t remember. Was she, Leon? No. I don �t think so. The police would remove the jewelry from the body, wouldn �t they? Yet you were careful to show that both her ears had been pierced for them. Yes, of course. If I missed a detail of that sort, Mr. Jarrod would be most displeased. He insists on reality. I can understand that. Just a moment, Leon. There �s something in this box I think would interest you. Open it, Leon. Your Mr. Andrews permitted us to make a cast of the head he did of you. Leon has just finished it in wax. Do you like it? It �s sort of a shock to see your head detached that way. -l guess it �s a very good likeness. -Yes, and no. Andrews is clever, but like all modern sculptors... he has too much imagination. He would improve on nature. What I need for my Marie Antoinette is you. The real you. Nothing less will satisfy me. Will you come to see me again, my dear? You know this fellow Jarrod �s quicker at finding these guys than we are? That �s what he says in his advertising. Look at that. Even the twist in the neck. That �s a case that gets me. Where is Burke? Who got him? -Who �d want him? -We better find out pretty quick. -Did you read the blast in today �s World? . -Yeah, it �s dynamite. The Chief had me in his office this morning. If I �m not careful, I �ll be pounding a beat in the Bronx. Come here, Jim. Do you remember Patterson, the Deputy City Attorney who disappeared? Sure. Does Booth look like Wilbur, or am I crazy? He does a tad with the brush off his lip. The hair is different, of course, but the features are like Patterson �s. Maybe he looked like Booth. I �ve seen dummies that look like people I know. The caveman is a spitting image of the new Commissioner. Please. Don �t touch the exhibits. -Can �t you read the sign? -l �m sorry. Look, where �d you get the face for this guy that shot Lincoln? -From photographs. -They take them at that time? If you go to the City Library... you �ll find the volume of Mathew Brady �s photos taken during the Civil War. -Do you work here? -Yeah. -You make these things? -Some of them. What �s your name? Leon Averill. What �s yours? Jim Shane. I �m an engineer on the 9th Avenue El. lt was nice meeting you. You know me. I �m no good at names, but I don �t forget faces. If I can take the muff off of that one I might be able to place it. It was a long time ago. Mr. Wallace, I �m Lt. Brennan. Sgt. Shane. -Glad to know you. -Won �t you sit down? -Sorry I kept you waiting. -That �s all right. This is the first time I �ve been asked to come to Police Headquarters. What am I suspected of? . Nothing. We thought perhaps you might be able to help us. We heard that your partner is the same Professor Jarrod... whose museum on 24th Street burned down some time ago. That �s true. This Professor Jarrod was supposed to have been killed in the fire. -Apparently, a slight mistake. -You suspect him of some criminal act? -We haven �t a thing on him. -We �re curious. So is the insurance company. What do you know about his employees? -There �s Scott Andrews, a protégé of mine. -Yes, we know of him. Then there �s Igor, deaf-mute, and Leon Averill, who does the wax work. Averill �s an odd character. Periodical drunkard, but a fine artist. I �ve seen some of his sketches. One of the Savior with his disciples. Beautiful work. -l �m afraid I haven �t been much help. -You never can tell. Thank you. -Please don �t mention this to your partner. -l won �t. You know, I gamble on Jarrod. He �s strange, unpredictable, but I think he �s a man of integrity. -l �m sure of it. Thank you very much. -Not at all. Good day, gentlemen. Remember I told you I knew the man with the whiskers? Do you remember that artist in Sing Sing who painted The Last Supper on his cell? Hendricks. They called him a genius and gave him a parole. But when they turned him loose, he became a drunk. He broke parole a year ago. We �ve had him on the wanted list since. -Carl Hendricks? -That �s him. Alias, Leon Averill. -Bring him in. -Can do. A little more bitterness in that face, my boy. Remember, this fellow has been badly used by the world... and he despises all the people in it. Deepen those lines around the corner of the mouth. Not too much. There. That �s better. What I wouldn �t give to have those fingers of yours. -Thank you, Mr. Jarrod. -l �m sorry I kept you so late tonight, Scott. That �s all right. Miss Allen is meeting me here. It �s her birthday. We �re going to celebrate at Chiles �. Charming creature. I was worried. The shock of finding that murdered girl gave her strange ideas. I know. I took her to Lt. Brennan, he set her right. That �s very good now. Excellent. Before you go, would you mind running over to Metzgers for me? -Metzgers? -Where they make the artificial flowers. They �re doing a background for this new group. Take a look at it. You know what I want. Advise them on the color scheme. I �d go myself, but it �s so hard for me to get about. I know. I �ll be glad to do it. I �ll go right now. Thank you very much. I followed him through his bender. Sometimes, he gets the shakes so bad, you expect to see his teeth fall off. -ls this all he had on him? -Yes. No money? Gold. "To Wilbur Patterson.... "With affection and admiration. "City Attorney �s Office. December 25, 1900." Where did you get this? -l found it. -Where? -On the El. -What line? -Third Avenue, downtown. -When? I don �t remember, it was months ago. -Book him on suspicion of murder. -No. I found that. I never knew the man who owned it. I never saw him. Lock him up. Please don �t put me in a cell. I �m sick. Can �t you see my nerves are all shattered? Look, please give me one little.... Can I have one little drink-- You �re not going to get anything until you tell us where you got this watch. -Take him out. -Let �s go. You shouldn �t have done that, my dear. It is Cathy. It �s Cathy �s body under the wax. I knew it. I knew it all the time. Everything I ever loved has been taken away from me. Not you, my Marie Antoinette, for l will give you eternal life. This is where l recreated my Joan of Arc. It �s an interesting process. If you have patience with me, my dear, I �ll show you how it �s done. I can �t stand it. All right. All right, I �ll tell you what I know. Patterson was killed because he looked like Booth. -You killed him. -No, not I. Jarrod, at the waxworks. His hands were no good. He had to take subjects from life. -You helped him? -No, they were already dead. What about Burke? He �s there, too. ln wax. He was the one who set fire to the old museum. Jarrod came out of it alive, but insane. -Cathy Gray? -Joan of Arc. That �s Cathy. She �s there with all the rest of them. The whole place is a morgue. He �ll do the same to Sue Allen, if he gets his hands on her. You �ve got to stop him before he does any more killing. That look of horror spoils your lovely face. What if it should show, even through the wax? Are you in there? Where �s Sue? Where is she? The end will come quickly, my love. There �s a pain beyond pain, an agony so intense... it shocks the mind into instant oblivion. We �ll find immortality together... for they �ll remember me through you. Where �s Jarrod? Andrews, where �s Jarrod? In the cellar. He �s got Sue. Take care of him. The People �s Exhibit Number One. You almost lost your head. Would you care to keep that one as a spare? No, thank you. We �ll never forget you and your men. Thanks to you, we �re still alive. But every time I shave, I can still feel that guillotine blade. -Please, let �s not talk about it anymore. -Yes, you �re right. Mr. Brennan, thank you for the use of your coat. -That was nothing. -lt meant a lot to me. When I found you weren �t dressed too warmly... I didn �t want you to catch a cold. Goodbye, Mr. Brennan, and thanks for everything. -Bless you, Mr. Shane. -Thank you, Miss Allen. By the time this guy gets out of Sing Sing... this head will grow a long beard. English You are being such a good boy. Would you like some more cereal. sweetheart? Here you go. He's really being a monster again today. Trudy. goddamn it. help me. Can't you be more careful? I'm doing the best I can. He's out of control. Sit still. stop it! Please hold him. Don't do that. stop kicking! Why can't you be more like your brother? Be quiet! Shut up! There's a Place in Tribeca for 3000. That's too expensive. The money I saved up won't cover two months' rent. I'm gonna have to work every second I'm not in class until graduation. -Carly. don't even think about not going. -l'm not. Good. Because you know how Proud I am of you. -lt's just an internship. -At InStyle magazine. Or would you rather stay at the Waffle House as a waitress forever? -No. thanks. -Yeah. -Hey. babe. -Hi. Sorry. there were these two drunk rednecks wrestling in the bathroom. -Really? -There's no rednecks in New York. No. There's not. I'm gonna go see what Blake's doing. He seems to like that car more than me nowadays. Now that we have a second- - And I'm not trying to make this a big deal. You know I want to have a good time on our road trip this weekend. But why on earth did your brother have to come with us? You said your Parents weren't gonna Post his bail anymore. They didn't. Blake did. He invited him. I guess Nick makes him feel more badass. I don't know. -Blake. -What up. Paige? Blake. Fine. Baby. come back here. You know it ain't like that. I was messing with the GPS. and I saw a shortcut. I think it'll save us an hour. So we can spend more time.... Okay? How you doing? Hello. -What's uP. crow man? -Get a job. That's nice. Yeah. Here you go. So. what do you think. guys? Gonna be a sweet game tomorrow. huh? Yeah. -Dalton. Please don't film me. -What? -l'm not filming now. -The red light's on. Put the camera down. She doesn't like having people up in her face. -She folds under Pressure. -You got something to say to me? No. I think you've already spoken enough for the both of us. don't you? You guys are lame. I'm out of here. See you. Dalton. Put down that damn camera. God. Record crowds are expected for college football's biggest game of the year... -...as Louisiana and Florida.... -lt's gonna be Packed tomorrow. speaking of Packed. my legs are killing me back here. man. Don't worry. man. it's not Wade's fault his little Hot Wheels car only fits two. It's more like a "shot wheels" car. isn't it? What did you do. go to the barber shop and ask for a He-Man haircut? Shut up. Dalton. Dude. You hurt me. -What the hell is this? -Oh. man. -This sucks. -So much for his nice little shortcut. I hope he's not gonna get us lost. -Yeah. right. -Yeah. Damn! Yo. yo. wake up. Wake up. Oh. my God. Look at her. Look at her! -You're caught on tape. -Hello! Oh. my God! What are they doing? -ls she flossing herself with that thing? -What are you doing? -Look at his face. -She's calling me. -He's blushing. -You are so busted. -lip balm. I dropped my stupid lip balm. -She dropped her lip balm. -Yeah. -Yeah. right. You dropped your lip balm. -So. what's up? -lt's getting late. -What do you wanna do? -keep going. we don't even have tickets. There's gonna be a million scalPers there. If we keep driving. there's no way I'll stay up for the game. Why don't we just camp out? We're close enough. Yeah. let's just Pull over here. Come on. We'll wake up early. -Yeah. all right. -All right, we're pulling over. All right. Hey. wax museum. -You like that kind of stuff. Wade? -Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes. I guess if you like things Pretending to be other things. Which you obviously do. Right. sis? -Where are we going. Blake? -l'm just looking for some Privacy. We made it. Nice. -You like it. right? -This is great. Your car sucks. dude. -Paige. come with me. -Wade. you gotta get a bigger car. -Well? -l couldn't. There's no Point in freaking him out right now. As opposed to when you find out you are Pregnant? Carly. I'm not sure. okay? I think you should have a conversation with him. He's been looking forward to this game for months. I don't wanna ruin it by starting a fight. Paige. he's not gonna marry you. His Parents won't let him. Who says I want to get married? Besides. I've been late before. When I know for sure. I Promise to talk to him. okay? Let's go. There are ticks out here. Yeah. don't help us or nothing. -Let's set up. -Oh. yeah. Pass it! Pass it! You don't wanna.... Too slow. too slow! -Blake. -Come on. Touchdown! Nice arm. I see why they gave you a scholarship. Yeah. it's a real tragedy. ain't it? Yeah. it is. Wade. help Dalton. okay? Please? -Bye. Wade. -Asshole. You can be a Prick to me. that's fine. But he didn't do anything to you. So you admit that you did something. I admit. according to you. I did something. sure. -You dimed me out. -l did not dime you out. When the sheriffs asked where you got the car. I said I didn't know. I didn't even know it was stolen. You're blaming that on me? You could have covered for me. huh? You get caught stealing. it's my fault. You're resisting arrest. and it's the cop's fault. He took a swing at me. Get kicked off the football team. it's the coach's fault. Mom and Dad kick you out of the house. it's their fault. You can't keep a job for two weeks. it's every manager's fault. I'm surrounded by idiots. So why did you come? To Piss me off? Don't you get it? You're the good twin. I'm the evil one. Grow up. You are so afraid to take things seriously. Yeah. As afraid as Wade is of leaving good old Gainesville? New York City. Well. I hear they got buildings as tall as the sky. Okay. Blue 42! Hut! Go. go! -What's that smell? -That's bad. -Oh. my God. -Dalton. did you crap your Pants again? No. I don't know. Maybe. I mean. I'm wearing my work clothes. so.... lt's horrible. -Something's dead out there. -No. something's dead right here. We need to drink it back to life. Bless me. dog. Come on. man. Hi. Pretty Carly. Hey. what's Wade short for. dude? Who? -What up. Nick? -stop. -You gonna do it tonight? -Screw off. -stop. -What? Come on. you know you want it. Come on. man. You don't gotta spray it at me. dude. -Look at that. -keeps messing around. God. dude. -Dalton. what did I say? -All right. my bad. my bad. Sorry. -What? No. it's off-- -You're killing me with this thing. -Give me that- - Oh. and the tables turn. -No. no. no. Come on. Don't-- Look how cute you are on camera. though. You look good. I think we might have to do a little makeover. -What do you think? -He looks like a Smurf. So why'd you steal that car anyway? I mean. you didn't need to do that. Get that rush. huh? Something like that. -You're coming out. -l don't know. If you don't. I will be so mad. Damn. Paige. -Look how good you look. -Hey. He looks like Elton John. but more gay. -Elton John is gay? -You look hot. -Yellow is his color. -lt's in style. Why don't you ever make me that Pretty. Carly? -Hi. -Hi. Give me my camera. Come on. now. Oh. yeah. that's good. Let me get some of that action. That's hot. Don't even think about it. I ain't kissing you. dude. Come on. you know you want to. dude. Just kidding. Psyche. I wouldn't kiss your ass for shit. Yeah? -Hey. yo. man. you need something? -What does he want? Hey. can you turn off your lights. Please? Okay. this is getting kind of creepy. Hey. come on. man. get out of here. Nothing to see here. Let's go. -Can we help you? -Maybe we're on his property. -No. we didn't Pass a gate. -Hey. man. turn your lights off. -Hello! -Turn your lights off. Turn them off. or I'm whuPPing someone's ass. It's cool. man. Nick! Oh. my.... What? Yeah! That was great. That was great. dude. My man Nick here's hardcore. What the hell was that about. huh? -You the man. dude. That was awesome. -Don't encourage him. Come on. he's gone. Wade. Wade. Wade. I heard something. It's Probably a serial killer or something. What are you doing? You scared me. What are you doing? Getting you back to bed. Come on. Let's go to sleep. -l heard something. -Get in that tent. Damn it. Hey. it's 2:30! Get up! Let's go. guys. Get up. Get up! Wade. Dalton. let's go. We're gonna miss the damn game. Nick. Get up! Damn. -Dude. you see my camera anywhere? -No. man. -You guys seen my camera? -Like I give a shit about it. -So you and Wade talk some more? -We're just in different Places right now. He hasn't given me a guilt trip for going. so I can't give him one for staying. Oh. my God. there's that smell again. -l think it's coming from over there. -Yeah. let's go follow the smell. What? I wanna see what it is. -Why? -Come on. What the hell was that? No way. Are you serious? It was brand-new. Someone's fucking with me. I cannot believe you're making me do this. Only you. -Come on. it'll be fine. -l'm gonna throw up. Oh. my God. I hate you. Carly! -Carly! -Paige! -Are you okay? -l'm stuck! Wade! Please help me get out of here! We're down here! Guys. help us! -Guys! Get down here! -Carly! Carly! -Hey! Hey! -l can't get out. -l'm here. hold on! Hold on. baby. -Wade. where are you? -Carly. I'm right here. -Carly! Here. Grab me. baby. Come on. Come on. I got you. Get up here. You all right? Oh. man. There's a roadkill Pit down here. -Yeah. that smells about right. -Baby. you okay? I got you. It's okay. Hey. is that the truck from last night? Not unless he fixed his headlight. Hey! Don't you see that? What is that? No way. What are you doing. man? Anyone need a hand? I'm just fooling. It's not real. see? God. I found it on the side of the road a few weeks ago. -Oh. my God. are you okay? -Sorry we took so long. -lt's all right. -What are you guys doing here? We were all camping up through those trees. -l have water in here somewhere. God. -Oh. good. You guys seen my camera? -Are you kidding? -No. -Damn. -Hey. is there a gas station around here? -Well. I got some gas in the truck if-- -l need a fan belt. What? -Just busted. -Of course. Perfect. Bo might have one. Runs a station in Ambrose. -Where's that? -Fifteen miles up the road. -Let's just get one in Baton Rouge. -Man. there's no way I'm leaving my car. -What if that guy from last night strips it? -You're gonna miss the game. then. Yeah. well. that's not why I came. All right. look. I'll run you up to the station. -Kickoff's in a couple hours. -You're already late. You gotta snag tickets. Y'all should just go now. I'll stay with my car. It's fine. Get me a fan belt on the way back. -Make sure it's a 1 5-inch. -Gotcha. I'll give you a ride. -You serious? -lf you like. -Well. yeah. Yeah. -That's cool? Yeah. if it's cool. -l'm going with you. -Carly. no. -Yes. lt'll be fine. -All right. let's go. Come on. Paige. -Carly. -What? I'll leave tickets at will call. -Thank you. -All right. All good. man. Come on. babe. Oh. it's okay. Come on. baby. So let's get out of here. Man. you're just gonna let them leave like that? With a guy who throws roadkill in a Pit for a living? You clean shit for a living. Mr. SePtic-Tank-Man. What's the difference? Well. I don't walk through it. that's one. That's a difference. right? -Can you roll the window down. Please? -Yeah. Sorry about that. Truck's seen better days. Do you mind rolling down your window. then? Not at all. Sorry. I kind of get used to the smell. Really? I don't think I could ever get used to it. Well. you can get used to anything if you're around it long enough. If you get them in the early morning before the sun bakes them up they're not so bad. If they're fresh. though. I just take them home. Why waste the meat? -Are we almost there yet? -lt's just up the road. yep. Ambrose used to be a Pretty nice town before the interstate came in. You like knives. -Not really. -Tools of the trade. You wanna see it? That's okay. It's a bowie. lt's a good knife. That'll cut through anything. What's going on? You said there was a town up here. Well. yeah. there is. It's just around that bend. I gotta flip my hubs into four-wheel. You mind giving me a hand? When's the last time that you were here? What. you don't believe me? I forgot this way in's washed out. that's all. We'll walk the rest of the way. You've done enough. Now. why would you want to do that? Look. we wanna walk. okay? Just let us out now. Sure. Well. get out. then. Try and do something nice for someone.... -Look. it's not like that. We appreciate it. -Yeah. I can tell. is he still staring? -Yeah. Just keep walking. -Oh. like I'm gonna stop. Damn. -Now I feel like a real asshole. -l don't care. That guy was a freak. Dude. it's over. It'll move. It's not moving. -We'll make the second half. -l'm not sitting in this. -What do you want me to do? -We have to go back. -Turn around. -l'm not missing this game. -Turn the car around. okay? -They're waiting for us already. Slow down. speedy. God. Miss Ambrose. Wonder how many teeth you have to have to win that one. -This is kind of nice. -Yeah. Oh. wait. Babe. there's a Pet store. -Oh. great. -Come on. Are those puppies? Oh. my God. Look at them. They're cute. Adorable. Maybe next time. Come on. Come on. Hello? Hello? -You see anybody? -No. nobody. -Hello? -Hey, it's me. We're heading back. Really? Why? What happened? Traffic. Did you get that fan belt thing or whatever? No. There's no one at the gas station. I don't know where we're going right now. So where do you want us to pick you up? Just head up the road that we got off at for the campsite. It's washed out at the end. Call us when you get there. Continuing coverage.... We'll camp in the same place as yesterday, but away from that pet cemetery. Cool. See you then. -There's that house of wax. -Wade. what about the fan belt? Well. there's no one at the station. -Why don't we ask someone in the church. -All right. All right. Let us all bow our heads and say a Prayer for our beloved deceased friend. -We should go. -Yeah. Sorry. -What do we do. just wait out here? -l don't know. I feel kind of messed up waiting outside a church for a funeral to end. Hey. man. sorry about walking in. We didn't know-- You shouldn't have walked in. Yeah. I know. lt's just that we have car trouble. We're not from this town. We were looking for Bo. He works at the gas station. You found him. Really? Well. we need a fan belt. -We were camping up the road and-- -A fan belt? Yeah. You walk in on a funeral for a fucking fan belt? Well. let me just go dump the casket in the ground. I'll be right there. -Look. we're sorry. -Yeah. That's twice today. I'm an asshole. -Let's just go back to the road. -Hey. Hey. I'm sorry. You know. someone very special to me Passed. -And I didn't mean to take it out on you. -No. no. no. lt's totally understandable. I reckon things will wrap up soon. Why don't I meet you guys back at the station in about a half? -That'd be great. if that's okay. -Yeah. Great. What? Nothing. Looks like your fan club's gotten a little bigger. -Are you serious? -Yeah. I am serious. It's obvious Dalton still has a crush on you. Oh. my God. Okay. that's three times today. You're an asshole. Let's go see your famous house of wax. But I'm still your favorite asshole. right? Always. I don't know what you expect to see in here. It is wax. Like. literally. -You're not gonna go in there. are you? -Yeah. Doesn't "closed" mean "l don't want you in here"? Relax. I just wanna take a quick look. -What if someone's here? -Hello? Anyone in here? See? We're fine. How cool is this? Everything in here is wax. The floor. the walls. -Look at this. This is wax. -Yeah. Cool. Awesome. -Who are these people supposed to be? -l don't know. Aren't there supposed to be famous people in a wax museum? I don't recognize this guy. "Trudy opens House of Wax." "Trudy's wax carvings are a hit at the state fair." "Trudy and husband are expecting first child." Since when is a wax sculptor a celebrity? -l don't know. Small town. I guess. -That's right. You like small towns. I didn't say I wasn't gonna like New York. I just said I haven't made a decision yet. I still have time. all right? Well. I'd really like you to be there with me. "Oh. no. There's a fire. help me. Carly. I'm melting. My skirt's gonna catch fire. My legs are burned. -Cut it out. Please. -You're my hero." That's not cool. Hey. Car. There's a dog for you. Hey. puppy. You a little wax dog too? What uP. dog? Jesus! That is cool. Yeah. laugh it uP. What's a dog doing in here anyway? "Vincent"? Another Vincent. This Vincent guy's quite the artist. Yeah. I think this Vincent guy needs therapy. I mean. look how detailed this is. Tell me this doesn't look real. I don't really care. I mean. not that it's bad. but everything made out of wax? Don't you think that's a little weird? Those aren't wax. Oh. whatever. When do you think the last Person was here? A while. Probably. -What? What is it? -l just saw someone. -lt was Probably just a wax thing. -No. no. It wasn't a wax thing. lt was moving and it was freaky-looking. I'll go check it out. Wade. where are you going? Don't leave me. -Wade. come on. -Hang here a second. No. Wait. -What's wrong? -This Place is freaking me out. -Calm down. There's no one here. -Please. I just wanna go. Okay. Okay. We'll go to the station. then. Oh. dude. I had to Pee so bad. man. Come on. dude. Hey. you guys gonna have sex? -What? -Because me and Paige are. -So you two go Pick them up. -All right. -Hey. Paige. -Yeah? -Nick and Dalton are gonna go get them. -Why? We can go. -Oh. baby. Come on. I'm tired of driving. -Okay. Why don't you let my man drive. Really? -You heard him. Move. -Give me the damn keys. Okay. Very slow. Thank you. I don't think this is cool. just coming in like this. What? Look. the door was unlocked. He said he'd be half an hour. he's been 45 minutes. I'm sure he won't mind. You know. if your brother and his yes man hadn't come along we would've fit with Blake. None of this would've happened. Once again. that's not my fault. I don't understand his beef with me. -l've tried to be cool with him. -Nick's got beef with everybody. -You just can't take it Personally. -Yeah. I guess. Nick and I always used to stick together. and then when we were in junior high and Nick would get into trouble here and there and our Parents would always. like and Nick was the evil twin. as he likes to say. He kind of got this image. He totally Played it uP as if that's what he had to be or something. It's already getting dark. I hate the winter. He's got everything but a 1 5-inch. I'll just have to use a 1 6-inch. -Make it work somehow. -You Plan on stealing that? No. We didn't know how much longer you were gonna be and. you know. we didn't wanna interrupt again. I left you money on the counter. but you don't have the right size. -You don't have any 1 5-inches. -l do at the house. I hope you're not getting the wrong idea that we're in here. No. it's okay. -Does that cover it? -lt's close enough. Why don't we get the one you need? It's only a couple of blocks. -Yeah. all right. -You keep fan belts at your house? I get things delivered there when I'm not here. If you wanna hold on to the 1 6. that's fine by me. No. no. no. lt's okay. Hey. you mind if I use your restroom real fast? Oh. up at the house. That one's out of order. All right. So is it too late to sign Carly up for that beauty Pageant? Now. unfortunately it is. because you would've won hands down. -Thank you. -That house of wax is Pretty cool. -You went inside? -Yeah. Yeah. it was unlocked. so. you know.... Everything seems to be unlocked around you. now don't it? Yeah. people used to come to see it from miles away. And Trudy was the main.... I guess "artist" is the appropriate word. What about Vincent? -l saw his name on a lot of the work. -He was one of Trudy's boys. -They still around? -No. no. lt's a horrible story. Trudy's husband. Doc Sinclair. he was a doctor in the big city until he got his license revoked for doing surgeries on the side. Stuff that. you know. most doctors wouldn't dare do. So he moved him and Trudy out here to Ambrose made a fresh start with his medical Practice and. you know. Trudy really found her calling with that whole wax-sculPture thing. It was her dream to do something really incredible here. And then she had a couple kids. Picket fence. -What's horrible about that? -Yeah. Trudy got a cyst in her brain. She just started rotting away. Couldn't work no more. and she went crazy. Things got so bad that Doc Sinclair finally had to strap her to the bed. The whole town could hear her screaming. Dr. Sinclair was so depressed that he couldn't save her... -...he blew his head right off. -That's terrible. It was worse for the boys. left alone like that. They both ended up in foster homes. Hey. why don't you two hop in. I'll go get the fan belt. and I'll give you a ride to your car. No. actually. we've got friends Picking us up where the road's washed out. I'll give you a lift. Least I could do for making y'all wait. -Cool. -All right. -Hey. you need to use the facilities. right? -Yeah. Thanks. -Need to use the can? -No. it's okay. I'm fine. All right. -So where you heading to anyway? -We're just going to a football game. The bathroom is right down the hall. Let me get out of this jacket and tie. and I'll grab your fan belt. Okay. Thanks. Just let me drive. bitch. He gave me the keys. man. Yeah. because he thinks I'm the one who stole the car and crashed it. Whatever. You didn't have to cover for me. dude. Your jacket's clean. all right? Mine's already got Plenty of stains on it. One more's not gonna make a difference. Where the hell is this Place? Town's not even on the GPS. That's weird. Hello? Hello? Hello? I'm in here! Hello? I'm in here. Hey. Hello? Hello. Come on. Hey, it's Blake. You know what to do. Guys. where the hell are you? Remember the truck that came to the campsite last night? I think we just ran into him. -Where's Wade? -Oh. he's not out here? Guess he's still in the bathroom. then. I got the fan belt. You're not in a hurry. are you? Because I wanted to load the truck up with some stuff first. -What are you doing? -Waiting for Wade. open the damn door. This is my truck. Hey. what is the matter with you? If you don't open this door. I'm gonna call the cops. You're the guy from the campsite. Wade! -What are you doing? -Wade! Get out of the truck. stop it. I'm just trying to help you. Give me the keys. Hey. Hey. stop it. or I'm calling the cops. So you think Carly and Wade are gonna stay together when she moves to New York? Because she be looking at me sometimes like-- -Dalton. it ain't happening. -What? What do you mean? And even if it was happening it ain't happening. Nothing Personal. Why? You like me better than Wade. right? Wade's not so bad. Yeah. I like Wade too. help. Please. somebody. Please. Please help me. No. What? What? I'm sorry. Mama. These people just have no respect. help! help. Please! Will you help. Please? ! Over here! help me! What are you gonna do to me? -ls this it? -Yeah. Well. should we drive through it. you think? -Through all that? -l don't know. I could do it. That's what I thought. Put me down! No. No. Let me go! Please. Hello? Carly? Wade? Hello? Dalton! All right. Listen. One word. and this is going through your throat. Yeah? Man. there's music Playing. but I don't think anyone's here. No one's here. Where you going? To that grocery store we Passed. I'm thirsty. Well. what about your sister and Wade. man? Maybe they're at the store. What? I don't know. We came all this way. -You don't think we should look for them? -Check it. I'm gonna go this way. Go that way. We don't find them. meet here. go back to the road. -Cool? -Okay. Yo. Paying customer. Hello? -Don't move. -Now what are you do--? It's okay. Just stay still. It's a shame we have to close that Pretty mouth of yours. especially with the way those lips curve. Hey. I'm looking for my sister and her boyfriend. They were looking for a fan belt or something. I don't think I've seen them. This is the only gas station in town. right? That's right. Yeah. then they were definitely here. I just told you. I didn't see them. Does somebody else work here? No. I own the station. And I would've seen them. Well. I was just here a few minutes ago. and you didn't see me. -You weren't even here. -Sorry. Can't help you. -What was that? -Nothing. That was just my dog. Actually. you know what? My brother Vincent was down here for a while. He could've helped your sister out. They could be up at the house. -No. my friend went that way earlier. -Really? Well. maybe he ran into my brother up there. then. -Wanna head up to the house? -Yeah. whatever. So. what's your sister look like anyway? Nick! Nick. help me! Please help me! I'm down here! -Nick! -Carly! I'm downstairs! -Thank God. -Jesus. Okay. I'm here. I got you. -Okay. -Here. Watch my finger. Watch my finger. Oh. my God. He did this to you? Where is he? -Where is he? -l locked him out. -Where the hell's Wade? -l don't know. He went into the house. This Place is a freak show. Hello? Hello? Anyone here? Carly. Wade. Hello? Anyone here? This is a weird Place. Hello? Anyone home? Carly? Carly? Wade. what the hell are you doing. bro? Everyone's waiting for you at the campsite. Wade? Holy shit. man. Hold tight. man. Hold tight. I'm gonna get you out of this. All right. I'm sorry. man. I'm sorry. Oh. my God. All right. all right. What happened to you. man? Holy-- Hold on. Just hold on. No. no. don't-- He's leaving. All right. stay here. Yeah. All right. Car's by the road. Damn it. Dalton's got the keys. Dalton. We gotta call the cops. Shit. Hey. where's your cell Phone? It might be in the truck up near the house. What about Wade? I think he has him too. -What if he turns him to wax? -What do you mean. wax? You don't get it. They're all wax. everyone. No. wait. There was a woman in here. She was alive. She Pulled the curtain back. The whole town is rigged. That's impossible. You're saying that that's a real Person... -...underneath? -Yes. At the church. they were all like that. At least 20 more. Come here. baby. Shit. Come here. sexy. Baby. we need to talk. -l really need to talk to you. -What's up with the music? What? I'm not sure. and I don't wanna freak you out-- -Wait. hold on. -l need to tell you this. -l'm just gonna go handle the music. -No. let me just tell you-- Blake. Goddamn it. I need to talk to you for a minute. Blake! Guys, where the hell are you? Remember the truck that came to the campsite last night? I think we just ran into him. -Where's Wade? -He's still in the bathroom, then. -What are you doing? -Waiting for Wade. This is my truck. You're the guy from the campsite. Blake? Blake? No! -He said he had a brother. right? -Yeah. Vincent. At the house of wax. he did all the sculptures. He's gotta be the one that does the wax. -What if he's around here somewhere? -Yeah. Wait. Nick. what are you doing? You gotta be careful. I am being careful. No. no. no. lt'll make too much noise. Why do you have to be so damn stubborn? He will find us. Yeah. chances are he will anyway. At least with this. he might not wanna find us. That's about right. Go. Carly. Run! I know you're in here. Nick! Edwin, you certainly can play, can't you? And you certainly can sing. empty shells. Check him for ammo. There's nothing in his Pockets. Give me this. Nick. let's get out of here. Let's go. -ls there anybody left alive in this town? -What about this Vincent guy? Who knows if there even is a Vincent. We gotta get out of this Place. Look. what about Wade and Dalton? We can't just leave them behind. -You said your cell Phone's in the truck? -Yeah. All right. this is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna go to the truck and get your Phone. and see if I can get help. -You go back to the road. Paige and Blake-- -No way. No. -l'm not leaving you. -Why do you have to be so damn stubborn? Okay. We stick together. nothing's gonna happen to us. Yeah. Come on. That way. -lt's under the front seat. -Nice Parking job. It's not in there. Wade and Dalton. Wade went in there and never came out. All right. We'll go in quick. one Pass. If we can't find them. we have to get the hell out of here. Yeah. Let's try the back. Stay close. Dalton? Wade? Nick. Nick. there's guns. It's bolted to the wall. There's gotta be a key around here somewhere. Fuck! No. Goddamn it. I told him not to do that. Hey. you don't ever leave here without me. You know better than that. Don't be so stupid. What's the matter with you? Don't. I said. don't. Get. Get. Fucking freak. Hey. the town's looking real good. We almost finished what Mama started. Those two are good. They'll fit Perfect. What'd I tell you. huh? Isn't your work more real now? Ma would be Proud. Yeah. she'd be real Proud. She always said that your talent would make up for what God took away from you. Now. there's two more. We still got a lot of work to do. It's okay. it's okay. All right. I saw Paige and Blake's bodies. They're dead. We gotta go. Now. Damn. I can't see anything. There's gotta be a light here somewhere. Come on. Dalton. Nick. I'll get you out of there. No. No. Nick. Nick. Please. No. That's Vincent. Come on. Carly. Move it. Move it! Nick. let's get out of here. Hurry! Come on. Come this way. No. Oh. my God. Wade. -Come on. -No. You sick fuck! -You're finished. -No. Carly. behind you! Come on. Get up. Please. Run! Go. Carly! Run! Hey. Vincent. Hey. Vincent. I swear to God. if you hurt her.... Vincent! No. Listen to me. Listen to me. I heard you talking. You don't need to do this. You didn't have to listen to your brother. I saw Bo's scars. And the highchairs. No! You're not a freak! He was! You don't need to do this. Please. You're an artist. Bo was lying to you. He used you. Do you really think that your mother would have wanted you to do this? Please don't kill me! Motherfucker! Oh. shit. Carly! I'm here. Carly. do it! Do it now! Come on. -Nick. get up! -Yeah. -We're almost there! -Oh. God! How do we get out? -Watch out! -Get back. Nick. The wall. Dig! Faster! Faster! Dig! Come on. Carly. Faster! Go. go! Come on. Come on. Oh. God! Watch yourself. It's over 70 and counting right now. Hey. that's my friend's camera. Hey. that's my friend's camera. Sorry. son. That's evidence. You guys okay? Well. don't worry. We'll get you to the hospital. How could no one have known about all of this? Truth is. this town's hard as hell to get to. It's been abandoned 1 0 years. ever since that sugar mill shut down. Hell. it ain't even on the map anymore. We found all those cars in that old factory. Those Sinclair boys Pulled people off the interstate for years. If it wasn't for all the smoke from the fire. we wouldn't have even known. Excuse me. sir. Louis wants to talk to you. Yeah. Excuse me. Maybe there's some good memories on this. You took it? It just felt wrong leaving it behind. You know? You okay? We're okay. Sheriff? -Yeah. Dave? -Ran the Sinclair family through CDIC. Trudy and the doctor didn't have two sons. They had three. Hello, Matthew, what are you doing here so late? I came to get the books. I want to study our accounts. We've been doing very well lately. Over 200 paid admissions today. You call that good Saturday business? If you weren't so stubborn, we'd be turning them away from here. Who cares a hang about history in wax? There are people in the world who love beauty. But more who want sensation, shock! Morbidly curious! I won't cater to them. Their money is as good as anybody else's. You should have seen them turning them away at that Wax Museum... on 23rd Street tonight: the Eden Musée. The story's the same at Madame Tussaud's in London. -If you'd only listened to me-- -I know, Matthew. I'd put in a Chamber of Horrors: murder, torture, executions... scare the life out of people. I don't care for that kind of patronage! You're a great artist, a genius sculptor. I'm an ordinary businessman who wants a quick return on his investment. I've put $20,000 in this historic peep show of yours. -I could use that to better advantage. -All right, Matthew. I've known for some time you wanted to dissolve our partnership. -I may be able to accommodate you. -How? A friend is bringing Sidney Wallace, the art critic, to see my work tonight. Wallace is rich, and I think I might persuade him to buy you out. That sounds interesting. -I'll want a profit on my investment. -Yes, Matthew. I understand. You leave everything to me, and I promise you it will be-- -That should be they, now. -I'll wait in the office. I've heard of Wallace. He has a pot of money. If he likes your stuff, put a stiff price on it. -Does Jarrod live here? -Yes, he has a room upstairs. You'll like him, Sidney. He speaks your language. Please come in. I'm happy to see you, Bruce. I thought you wouldn't come on such a bad night. We were delayed. He had to be at a gallery. Mr. Sidney Wallace. Professor Jarrod. -A pleasure. -For me also, Professor. That title was bestowed on me when I became an exhibitor. It has little to do with my real work. If you come, I will show you what that work is. The visit of such a distinguished critic... may cause my children to become conceited. To you, they're wax. But to me, their creator, they live and breathe. Here we have two great lovers from the past. Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt, and Mark Antony. Their last meeting. You'll recall, Antony, believing Cleopatra to be dead... killed himself with his own sword. When Cleopatra found out what happened, she quickly followed her lover. You noticed how cleverly the hair is mounted on the scalp? Yes. How do you do that? Real hair of the proper color and texture... is pressed into the slightly warmed wax with a scalpel... one hair at a time. Each wave and curl of the subject's own hair is reproduced. Here's President Lincoln and his assassin, John Wilkes Booth... one of my few concessions to the macabre. That's the best figure of Booth I've ever seen. You almost expect him to speak. -I wonder what he'd say. -I'm sure he'd rant a bit. Even after he shot Lincoln and jumped from the President's box onto the stage... he couldn't resist turning to the audience and taking a bow. I found him a very stubborn person. -Stubborn? -Unbelievably. For days I argued with this fellow before he posed the way I wanted him to. -You mean, he talked back to you? -Of course. It's not easy to shut an actor's mouth. These groups are like dimensional paintings of the old masters. This is not only a great show, it's an art exhibit. That's what I told you. Here we have Joan of Arc, a favorite subject of mine. -I understand that. It's beautifully done. -Thank you. I've done her over a dozen times, and still she doesn't complain. What was wrong with her? There are no authentic portraits available... so sculptors and painters have to work from models. I've never found the right one, but I will someday. It's a shame to race through this exhibit. These figures should be studied. You're very kind. My creations have some merit, I suspect... but in bringing back to life the lovely Marie Antoinette... I feel I've done my best work. I've never seen anything so exquisite. People say they can see my Marie Antoinette breathe... that her breast rises and falls. Look at her eyes, they follow you wherever you go. She is very real to me. You know, her eyes do follow you. They're made of glass, more's the pity. The exact size and color of the original. They're inserted into the sockets from inside... by way of the hollow neck, before the head is attached to the body. Forgive me, my dear, for discussing your intimate secrets. I'm sorry. I lose myself at times. If people knew what you have inside these walls... you couldn't accommodate the crowds. What you need here is exploitation, more advertising. -That's what I've been telling him. -My partner wouldn't agree. He's not happy here. He wants to invest in something else. Would you become a partner in this venture? Would you buy him out? I might be interested if my lawyers approve and the price is right. With your support, I'd do wonders. I'd make any sacrifice. Unfortunately, I'm leaving for Egypt. I'm financing some excavations there. I'll be back in three months, then we can discuss-- You make me very happy. You intrigue me, Professor. I believe we'd get along together. -Good night. -Good night. -And I'm grateful to you-- -It's all right. Thank you for your visit and your encouragement. I'll see you in three months. -Good night. -Good night. Mr. Wallace is a great art critic, darling. You heard what he said. Does he make you happy? Of course you'd say that. But I don't care about success. The world will acknowledge your beauty. And you, my friends... Cleopatra, Mark Antony, Lincoln, Joan of Arc, all of you. How would it suit you to be famous again? I know it'll please you, you conceited devil. It was like you to get yourself shot down in a burning barn. Couldn't do it without a spotlight, could you? Do you really hear what they say? Of course. A man has to be a little nuts to be a good showman. The sooner I'm out of it, the better. You'll be out soon, Matthew. Mr. Wallace returns from Egypt in three months. He'll be ready to talk business then. -I heard him. That's no good for me. -But, surely-- I want to buy something. It'll pay off in a big way and three months is too late. What guarantee do I have that he won't go cold on the deal? -Sorry. It's the best I could do. -I can do better. How would you like to split $25,000 with me? And you call me crazy? You ever thought of what would happen if we had a fire here? In the cellar, there are six barrels of wax. Wax is paraffin based. It's highly inflammable. This place would go up like a paint factory. Burn? Burn all my people? -Do you think I'm a murderer? -Stop dreaming. These dummies are insured for $25,000. That's $12,500 for each of us. You'd have money to begin again. I'd rather die myself than see my friends destroyed. I won't let you do it, and I'll kill you if you try. Don't be stupid. All you have to do is to strike a match and the thing is done. Yes, my friend was a genius. A great artist. Only I could understand him. We were like that, Cathy. Just like that. -Couldn't they ever find him after the fire? -Not a sign of him. The place burned like a paint factory. Like a volcano. He was such an impractical fellow. But I still loved him. Had I been there, I might have saved him. You might have gotten burned yourself. Yes. Such is life. No matter how much we lose, we must still go on living. Was there any insurance on the Wax Museum? Yes. I had a little difficulty about that. According to the partnership agreement... the money was to go to the survivor of the others. The insurance company insists upon proof of my partner's death. They always want a corpse. But they settled finally. This afternoon, in fact. Certified check. I got it cashed. The money is in my safe. -You know what that means, baby? -No, what? That little trip I was talking to you about.... You're such a card! -How much did you get? -$25,000. Where would you like to go? Atlantic City? Niagara Falls. We can get the license in Buffalo. -License? -Yes. You know. Legitimate. Why not? It might be fun. Waiter, my check. Pull it tighter, Sue. I want a waist like Anna Held. If I pull it any tighter, you're not going to be able to breathe. That's all right. I don't need much breath, anyway. As my late friend Matty used to say: "If a girl don't watch her figure, the men won't." Wasn't that the man you were to marry? Yes, but he hung himself instead. Matty was such a card. Where is your new friend gonna take you tonight? The Hoffman House for dinner, and then to a vaudeville show. -That sounds like fun. -He's a free spender, all right. Little bit older than I like 'em, but very distinguished looking. -Is he nice? -Awfully nice. A real gentleman, except when he has had a couple of drinks. That's to be expected. I'm moving up. I'm moving up in the world, honey. No girl ever hits the jackpot till after she passes 14th Street. -Is that how it goes? -Sure. Look at me. Not too long ago, I was down on Delancey Street. And tonight I'll be right up there among the bright lights on 23rd. Now, when you get up there tonight, don't drink too much. Don't worry, I won't. He keeps trying to pour the liquor into me, but I always manage to keep my head. After all, now that I'm going regular with a swell... I got social obligations. You know how it is when a fella.... No, of course you don't know. You're not like me. You never could be. You got all the brains and all I've got is what I've got. You know, I'm surprised you even talk to me. What nonsense. You've been so good to me. Why not? A girl needs a friend when she is down on her luck. Holy smoke! Look at the time. I've got to hurry. Did you find a job yet? No, but they need a hat-check girl at the Silver Slipper... and I've got an appointment with the manager. I know that fellow. Watch out for him. -But why? What's the matter with him? -Nothing much. -Long as you know how to duck. -That kind? Yes. -Did you eat today? -I had everything I needed. To hear you tell it. -Besides, you're behind in your room rent. -Mrs. Flannigan will wait for me. Don't count on that. The old buzzard almost locked me out once. There. If I don't sizzle him tonight, I might as well give up. He's picking me up in a hansom cab. No trolley for him. He is real society. All I've got is 50 cents. Buy some dinner with it. -No, Cathy. -Come on. My friend will give me some money tonight and then I'll stake you. I don't need any mad money. I never get mad. Good luck tonight at the Silver Slipper. And don't forget to duck. Just a moment, Miss Allen. -What are you coming in so quietly for? -I didn't want to disturb anybody. -Did you get the job? -No. -Why not? -I had trouble with the boss. You'll get your money. Cathy promised to lend me some tonight when she comes home. You better get right up there, then. Because she's home now. -Couldn't it wait until tomorrow? -No, it could not. If you want to sleep in this house tonight, you get that money. All right, I'll try. Cathy, it's Sue. Are you there? I tell you, the scream came from up there. Let's look into it. -Usually there's a policeman at the corner. -That's why I'm blowing the whistle. Cabbie! -What is it, Mother? -It's Sue. This is a surprise. I was just thinking about.... -What happened to you, dear? -What's wrong? -Wait a minute. -What happened? -Wait a minute. -What is it? Cathy Gray, the girl in my rooming house, was murdered tonight. -What? -I found her. The man who killed her was there in the room. I tried to get away from him. But he followed me into the street. No, Scott, please don't go out there. It's all right, darling. Don't be frightened. It's all right now, dear. You're safe. -Who found the body? -One of my roomers. A friend of Cathy's. -Sue Allen. -Which one is Miss Allen? -She isn't here. -Where is she? I don't know. We heard her scream. When we went looking for her, she was gone. -Are all your roomers in? -All but Miss Allen. Lt. Brennan will want a statement from each one of you. See that nobody leaves the house. When I arrived at the rooming house, this girl had been dead for several hours. The immediate cause of death was strangulation. The mark of a cord is still on her throat. My examination indicated she'd probably been given a drug. -You were right. -What was it? Something to make her sleep. Veronal, perhaps. I'll know as soon as we hear from the laboratory. How long would it take for such a drug to work? That would depend upon how much it was diluted. It was probably given to her in a drink. That's how it's usually done. -Business is slow tonight. -What? -Three suicides and two murders.... -And a traffic case since 9:00. The fellow got hit by an automobile. I didn't think they go fast enough to hurt anybody. Give them time. They're getting better every day. I hope you like it here, honey. It's the best we've got. -What's the matter with this one? -You'll get used to that. The embalming fluid makes them jump. One of the suicides. Just like a woman. They always have to have the last word. -Why didn't you tell the police? -She's doing that. Last night was the time to do it. -She was in no condition to come here. -This is murder, Mrs. Andrews. The body of Cathy Gray was stolen from the morgue last night. No. Why would anyone want to take Cathy's body? We are as much in the dark as you are. We had a similar case before. Matthew Burke. I read about that. And Patterson, a Deputy City Attorney disappeared. We found no trace of him. We could've laid our hands on that man that you saw last night. That's the strangest description I've ever heard. -No human being can look like that. -Sure you didn't imagine it? I did see him. Just as I described him to you. He was incredible, but very real. Could he be the man who took Miss Gray to dinner? That's impossible. She told me that he was very good-looking. That's what the landlady said, it's a man with gray hair. We have no suspects fitting your description. If we did, we'd have him in the crazy house. Don't leave town. Where can we find you? 27 Lafayette Street. -Miss Allen will stay in our home. -Make sure of that. She's our only witness. That's all. Thank you. How do you do? I received a letter giving this address and signed Professor Jarrod. But I know the Professor's dead. Can you tell me who wrote this letter? My name is Sidney Wallace. It's so good.... Forgive me. Shaking hands with me is an unpleasant experience. My hands are no longer hands. Sit down, please. This is Igor. He's a deaf-mute. He is one of my assistants. I'm going to open another wax museum under a different name. -lt startled you, seeing me here? -I thought you were dead. Jarrod is dead. I am a reincarnation. When I saw your signature, I thought somebody was fooling me. I don't understand how you escaped the fire. It's a mystery to me, too. All I can remember is that I tried to get out of my studio. -I failed at first, but here I am. -What a frightful experience. Somehow I made my way to the house of a doctor. I still have my limbs but they won't bear the weight of my body. As for my hands, they are no use to me now. As a sculptor, I can't control them. But they serve for ordinary functions. -But you're beginning again? -With the help of my pupils, yes. I'm rebuilding my exhibition from the ground up. I'm going to give the people what they want: sensation, horror, shock. Send them out in the streets to tell their friends... how wonderful it is to be scared to death. I'll show you one of my subjects. Do you recall the case of Kemmler, the first man to die in the electric chair? -Yes. -Igor is working on a model of his head. He has a strange obsession, this mute of mine. Every head he models takes on the shape of his own face. But in this case I humor him, for he somewhat resembles Kemmler. Crimes of violence will be reproduced in wax... and exhibited while they are still fresh in the public mind. What do you think of my scheme? It will succeed, commercially, though it doesn't sound like you. -Have you turned your back on beauty? -No. But I can no longer create it. -I never forgot your Marie Antoinette. -Nor have I. She will be the leading lady of my new exhibition. But I must find her first. -Find her? -A model, I mean. Yes, there will be beauty, for contrast, if nothing else. But each subject must be taken from life. How can I convince my audience they're alive, if I don't believe it myself? I have something I think will interest you. You follow Igor down into the basement. I have to go my own way. Here we are. Interesting, isn't it? One of my pupils is about to dip a body into a bath of wax. -Body? -Yes. The bodies are constructed separately... to exact specifications, of reinforced plaster of Paris. This is Leon, another one of my pupils. -Mr. Wallace. -How do you do? The wax is melted in the cauldron you see above the vat... liquefied and brought to a boiling point... so that it will distribute itself evenly over the body. The head and hands, tinted by my own secret process... are attached to the body after it is covered with its skin of wax. Now watch. I wondered how it was done. It's a method of my own. Crude but adequate. -Have you found a home for your museum? -This is it, the building upstairs. We'll continue to use the cellar as the workshop... it's an excellent location, and the building can be leased at the right price. I have some capital, but I need more. $30,000, at least. That's why I've asked you to come here. -I'll think it over. -Good. She is about right, now. Leon, drain out the surplus, and let her cool. Leon, open up number 27. Come this way, please. I told you that I intend to exhibit scenes of violence. Here is an interesting subject. A mystery they are still talking about. All right, Leon. I saw his picture in the papers. This is a remarkable likeness. -But it can't be a death mask. -No, it's from memory. He hanged himself in an elevator shaft. Come in, ladies and gentlemen. See the House of Wax. See the Chamber of Horrors. Here's three lovely ladies right over here. Would you like to see Little Egypt? Here she is, ladies and gentlemen, Little Egypt, Queen of the Harem... who danced at the Colombian Exposition in Chicago in 1893. Is she wax, or is she flesh and blood? See the world in wax, the Hall of Fame. The Chamber Of Horrors. A cultural exhibition that'll enlighten you, amaze you.... -I think I could do that. -No, you couldn't. I could, too, if I took my stays off. Don't do that. Don't talk that way. Watch it, young lady. Careful, sir. Keep your head down or I'll tap you on the chin. Look out. That's a becoming hat you're wearing. I wonder if I could clip a flower off it. Hold steady, now. Don't move your head. Or you'll lose the powder off your nose. There is someone with a bag of popcorn. Close your mouth, it's the bag I'm aiming at. Not your tonsil. Here she comes. Look at that, it's in the bag. See the lovely centers of ancient times, ladies and gentlemen. Beauties who died and tortured out on the block. Visit our Chamber of Horrors. And pass the time of day with notorious murderers... who killed with the rope, the knife, and the axe. Thrills, chills, a lot of dirt for a price within the reach of all. I hope you don't think I've gone too far hiring this fellow to bring people in. -He makes it sound like a sideshow. -Try him for a week or two. Once we're established, we won't need that sort of thing. He looks like a real man. You'd be surprised. It's a real man. Sorry. The historic figures I'm about to show you will be more interesting... when I tell you that their faces were molded from the original death masks... now in the possession of certain European governments. First, we have Anne Boleyn... second wife of Henry the Vlll, and the mother of Queen Elizabeth. With the executioner Henry borrowed from the French king... so that Anne's head would be cleaved from her body without too much pain. He was a thoughtful husband, Henry. It was he who invented the short cut to divorce. A very bad pun, I'm afraid. Here is another scene of historic violence. Charlotte Corday and Marat... one of the leaders of the French Revolution. The lady found him taking a bath, and plunged the knife into his heart. -Quelle femme terrible! -What a shocking thing. Yes, wasn't it? The poor man was dreadfully embarrassed. The exhibits in this room will be added to... from time to time as various crimes are committed. You'll read about them in your newspaper... and see them enacted here in waxen tableaux. By the way, ladies... this is how your ancestor carried his bride across the threshold. During the French Revolution... a certain doctor invented a labor-saving device... to take the place of a headmen's ax. So successful was this machine... at cutting off the heads of the French aristocrats... they named it after its creator. Here it is, the bloody guillotine. I don't think I can stand it. Pull yourself together. Twelve years ago, the electric chair was first used in New York state. Here we have an authentic reproduction... of the execution of William Kemmler on August 3, in 1890. Kemmler killed without mercy and 2,000 volts sent him to a higher court. The torture of the rack. In this case... Lady Anne Askew, an English noblewoman accused of treason... is being put to the question. Needless to say, she admitted she was a traitor. Who wouldn't, under that sort of pressure? -Is it your corset? -It's my stomach. It turned over. Mine turned over, too. Now, my friends... we have that jolly old gentleman known as the modern Bluebeard. Like his namesake, he killed not wisely, but too well... and did away with eight wives. -Smelling salts, ladies? Help yourself. -Thank you very much. Next door to him, we have a mystery of more recent date. Matthew Burke, the stockbroker. He was found hanged in the elevator shaft of the building where he had his offices. Was it murder or suicide? Only time will tell. "Foul deeds will rise, though all the world o'erwhelm them, to men's eyes." Thank you. -You like him? -He looks exactly like my Uncle Rufus. They ought to have a policeman like this in the Eden Musée. -Haven't you been there? -No. From what I see in the papers, this museum is even better. We'll soon find out. Meet my good friend, Mr. Sidney Wallace. -Miss Sue Allen. -A pleasure. -I heard you were in town. -You should have looked me up. I expect great things of Scott. He's one of our most promising sculptors. -Has he been working hard? -He never knows when to stop. -Sue's been posing for me. -indeed, lovely subject. She's not a professional model. She's a guest. Our mothers were great friends. -Have you been inside? -Is it exciting? If anything, too much so. But I'm sure it'll catch on. Jarrod, the owner, is a good friend of mine. You'll be interested in him. Let's go in, shall we? -These figures are excellent. -I thought you'd agree with me. They're not only well done but they're good theater. -What do you think? -I know they are only wax... but they seem so real, just looking at her makes my neck hurt. Wait till you see the Chamber of Horrors. I told Jarrod he should have a nurse on duty there. He lost the use of his hands. -Who did these figures? -His pupils, but he supervised the work. -His is the mastermind. -Surely knows his anatomy. Sue, what is it? -Are you crying? -What's wrong, Miss Allen? A dear friend of mine was murdered and I found her. She means Cathy Gray, the girl whose body was stolen from the morgue. What made you think of her now? That's her face. I know every line of it. I wake up at night and I see it. I can't get it out of my mind. Perhaps that's the reason you see a resemblance. -It's more than a resemblance. -It's wax, my dear. I know, but.... But why should it be so like Cathy? I think I can explain that. -This is a pleasure. -You see, Miss Allen-- I heard what the young lady said. The figure of Joan of Arc is a traditional exhibit in wax museums. It was completed just in time for our opening tonight. You're right, my dear. It is more than a chance resemblance. When I create an important figure, I can't take just any face. I saw pictures of your Cathy Gray in the newspaper. Her face fascinated me. And here she is. Immortalized as the victim of an earlier event. -Do you really think she'd mind? -No, I don't think she'd mind. Cathy loved to "dress up" as she called it. She used to take fancy dresses... and imitate the actresses she saw in the theater. -I don't think she'd mind. -Then I'm forgiven? There's nothing to forgive. I just don't understand how it can seem so real. That's the finest compliment I have ever received. Thank you, my dear. Did I hear your name correctly, Scott Andrews? -Yes, Mr. Jarrod. -The sculptor I've been telling you about. Sidney showed me photographs of your work. He was right. You have great promise. -What are you doing now? -I'm doing a head of Miss Allen. Let me see your hands. Mine were once like that. How I envy you. Would you be interested in some modeling for me, some originals I have in mind? Yes. I'd be honored. Good. Come here tomorrow morning, we'll make the arrangements. I think you'll like it. I want you to look at this girl. -With pleasure. -Who does she remind you of? I've been wondering about that. I haven't known her more than 10 minutes... but there's something about her face-- That haunts you as the face of my Marie Antoinette has haunted me. Of course. I should have seen it at once. A figure in wax. Mr. Jarrod's greatest work. More than wax. She lived. -You mean I look like she did? -Exactly as she did. Once in his lifetime, every artist feels the hand of God... and creates something that comes alive. So it was with my Marie Antoinette. And I loved her. But she is gone now. Horribly destroyed. Perhaps you would help me to bring her back. You will come to see me? Soon? I'd be glad to. You'll be welcome at any time, no matter what I'm doing. -And you, Mr. Andrews, in the morning.... -I'll be here, very eager to begin. It has been a very exciting day for me and I'm a little tired. So if you'll forgive me, I'll say good night. -Sidney, one moment, please. -Excuse me, I'll be right back. Forget about it. You heard what Mr. Jarrod said. Cathy's face was inspiration. It's a portrait in wax. Why should it seem so real? I hate to drag you away. That's fine. I'm going to work here. We'll see it all another time. Yes, another time. Still time to see the entire exhibition, ladies and gentlemen. Get your tickets from the fine little lady in the box office and go right in. See the world in wax and improve your mind. See the Chamber of Horrors and scare yourself out of a year's growth. Not again. What happened? Why did you scream? I saw Cathy again. And the man who killed her was right here in this room. I must have been dreaming. Of course you were, dear. A lager for the gentleman. Sarsaparilla for the lady. -And two knockwurst on rye. -Thank you. -Enjoying yourself? -It's exciting. -Do nice people come here? -Of course. -These Sunday matinees are very popular. -I don't know. It doesn't seem proper, all those girls showing their talents. You never saw a show like this in Provincetown? Don't worry, your reputation is safe. You've been worrying too much... about wax figures and seeing monsters in your dreams. You need something like this to bring you back to normalcy. Prosit! Remember Mr. Jarrod said he first saw Cathy's picture in the newspaper. Yes. What's wrong with that? I knew her so well. I knew every little expression and they are all there. They would be. The man's an artist. There's something else I saw that night in the museum. Cathy had a habit of wearing an earring in her right ear. She had the lobe of her right ear only pierced for that. But that's there, too. How could he see that in a photograph? -How can he make it so real unless.... -What? Unless it is Cathy. I'm going to take you to Lt. Brennan's office tomorrow. Tell him exactly what you told me here. He's a policeman, he knows. He'll convince you once and for all that no such thing could happen. Now relax, honey, and enjoy the show. I know it sounds fantastic, but you asked me to tell you everything. You can see this idea is an obsession, an unhealthy one, if you ask me. -You say Jarrod is a cripple? -He uses a wheelchair. He can walk with crutches, but not very well. Such a man came and asked to see police photographs of Cathy Gray. That's how it's done. Every detail is studied to make the features true to life. But why should Joan of Arc have her right ear pierced? -Why not? They wore them then. -Two, not one. Lieutenant, it's not a suspicion. It's more a kind of fear, an intuition. Intuition isn't much help in police work. Facts are what we need. Suppose you forget about it, and let us do the worrying. You mean you'll investigate it? -Of course he does. -Yes, that's what I mean. -You both think I'm crazy. -We think nothing of the kind. It was very good of you to listen and be so patient. Thank you. -Goodbye. -Goodbye. Thanks. This is Brennan speaking. Give me Shane. Hello. I want you to go to the City License Bureau... and check up on a man named Henry Jarrod. Yes, he opened a museum on 29th Street, near Broadway. Yes, The House of Wax. Dig up all you can. Get a list of his employees and check with me here. That's a copy of her face, all right. But she didn't look like that when I saw her. -Not so composed. -Poor kid. You know, this fellow Jarrod's good. -You think Miss Allen's fears are justified? -Heck, no. Do you? That's wax, how could it be anything else? Leave it to a skirt to dream up a crazy idea like that. So you did you come to see me, my Marie Antoinette? Or was it that you came to see? Mr. Jarrod, I'm so sorry. I know I'm not supposed to touch the figures. You couldn't help yourself. Don't let it trouble you. I beg your pardon, this is Leon Averill and Igor. -How do you do? -Igor isn't impolite. He simply can't talk. Leon is an artist in his own right. It was he who did the waxwork on the figure of Joan of Arc. -Does she still seem real to you? -As life itself. Of course, her hair is different, but that doesn't change her face. What puzzles me is how you can get such detail from a photo. Was Cathy wearing her earrings when the police photographed her? Earrings? I don't remember. Was she, Leon? No. I don't think so. The police would remove the jewelry from the body, wouldn't they? Yet you were careful to show that both her ears had been pierced for them. Yes, of course. If I missed a detail of that sort, Mr. Jarrod would be most displeased. He insists on reality. I can understand that. Just a moment, Leon. There's something in this box I think would interest you. Open it, Leon. Your Mr. Andrews permitted us to make a cast of the head he did of you. Leon has just finished it in wax. Do you like it? It's sort of a shock to see your head detached that way. -I guess it's a very good likeness. -Yes, and no. Andrews is clever, but like all modern sculptors... he has too much imagination. He would improve on nature. What I need for my Marie Antoinette is you. The real you. Nothing less will satisfy me. Will you come to see me again, my dear? You know this fellow Jarrod's quicker at finding these guys than we are? That's what he says in his advertising. Look at that. Even the twist in the neck. That's a case that gets me. Where is Burke? Who got him? -Who'd want him? -We better find out pretty quick. -Did you read the blast in today's World? -Yeah, it's dynamite. The Chief had me in his office this morning. If I'm not careful, I'll be pounding a beat in the Bronx. Come here, Jim. Do you remember Patterson, the Deputy City Attorney who disappeared? Sure. Does Booth look like Wilbur, or am I crazy? He does a tad with the brush off his lip. The hair is different, of course, but the features are like Patterson's. Maybe he looked like Booth. I've seen dummies that look like people I know. The caveman is a spitting image of the new Commissioner. Please. Don't touch the exhibits. -Can't you read the sign? -I'm sorry. Look, where'd you get the face for this guy that shot Lincoln? -From photographs. -They take them at that time? If you go to the City Library... you'll find the volume of Mathew Brady's photos taken during the Civil War. -Do you work here? -Yeah. -You make these things? -Some of them. What's your name? Leon Averill. What's yours? Jim Shane. I'm an engineer on the 9th Avenue El. It was nice meeting you. You know me. I'm no good at names, but I don't forget faces. If I can take the muff off of that one I might be able to place it. It was a long time ago. Mr. Wallace, I'm Lt. Brennan. Sgt. Shane. -Glad to know you. -Won't you sit down? -Sorry I kept you waiting. -That's all right. This is the first time I've been asked to come to Police Headquarters. What am I suspected of? Nothing. We thought perhaps you might be able to help us. We heard that your partner is the same Professor Jarrod... whose museum on 24th Street burned down some time ago. That's true. This Professor Jarrod was supposed to have been killed in the fire. -Apparently, a slight mistake. -You suspect him of some criminal act? -We haven't a thing on him. -We're curious. So is the insurance company. What do you know about his employees? -There's Scott Andrews, a protégé of mine. -Yes, we know of him. Then there's Igor, deaf-mute, and Leon Averill, who does the wax work. Averill's an odd character. Periodical drunkard, but a fine artist. I've seen some of his sketches. One of the Savior with his disciples. Beautiful work. -I'm afraid I haven't been much help. -You never can tell. Thank you. -Please don't mention this to your partner. -I won't. You know, I gamble on Jarrod. He's strange, unpredictable, but I think he's a man of integrity. -I'm sure of it. Thank you very much. -Not at all. Good day, gentlemen. Remember I told you I knew the man with the whiskers? Do you remember that artist in Sing Sing who painted The Last Supper on his cell? Hendricks. They called him a genius and gave him a parole. But when they turned him loose, he became a drunk. He broke parole a year ago. We've had him on the wanted list since. -Carl Hendricks? -That's him. Alias, Leon Averill. -Bring him in. -Can do. A little more bitterness in that face, my boy. Remember, this fellow has been badly used by the world... and he despises all the people in it. Deepen those lines around the corner of the mouth. Not too much. There. That's better. What I wouldn't give to have those fingers of yours. -Thank you, Mr. Jarrod. -I'm sorry I kept you so late tonight, Scott. That's all right. Miss Allen is meeting me here. It's her birthday. We're going to celebrate at Chiles'. Charming creature. I was worried. The shock of finding that murdered girl gave her strange ideas. I know. I took her to Lt. Brennan, he set her right. That's very good now. Excellent. Before you go, would you mind running over to Metzgers for me? -Metzgers? -Where they make the artificial flowers. They're doing a background for this new group. Take a look at it. You know what I want. Advise them on the color scheme. I'd go myself, but it's so hard for me to get about. I know. I'll be glad to do it. I'll go right now. Thank you very much. I followed him through his bender. Sometimes, he gets the shakes so bad, you expect to see his teeth fall off. -Is this all he had on him? -Yes. No money? Gold. "To Wilbur Patterson.... "With affection and admiration. "City Attorney's Office. December 25, 1900." Where did you get this? -I found it. -Where? -On the El. -What line? -Third Avenue, downtown. -When? I don't remember, it was months ago. -Book him on suspicion of murder. -No. I found that. I never knew the man who owned it. I never saw him. Lock him up. Please don't put me in a cell. I'm sick. Can't you see my nerves are all shattered? Look, please give me one little.... Can I have one little drink-- You're not going to get anything until you tell us where you got this watch. -Take him out. -Let's go. You shouldn't have done that, my dear. It is Cathy. It's Cathy's body under the wax. I knew it. I knew it all the time. Everything I ever loved has been taken away from me. Not you, my Marie Antoinette, for I will give you eternal life. This is where I recreated my Joan of Arc. It's an interesting process. If you have patience with me, my dear, I'll show you how it's done. I can't stand it. All right. All right, I'll tell you what I know. Patterson was killed because he looked like Booth. -You killed him. -No, not I. Jarrod, at the waxworks. His hands were no good. He had to take subjects from life. -You helped him? -No, they were already dead. What about Burke? He's there, too. In wax. He was the one who set fire to the old museum. Jarrod came out of it alive, but insane. -Cathy Gray? -Joan of Arc. That's Cathy. She's there with all the rest of them. The whole place is a morgue. He'll do the same to Sue Allen, if he gets his hands on her. You've got to stop him before he does any more killing. That look of horror spoils your lovely face. What if it should show, even through the wax? Are you in there? Where's Sue? Where is she? The end will come quickly, my love. There's a pain beyond pain, an agony so intense... it shocks the mind into instant oblivion. We'll find immortality together... for they'll remember me through you. Where's Jarrod? Andrews, where's Jarrod? In the cellar. He's got Sue. Take care of him. The People's Exhibit Number One. You almost lost your head. Would you care to keep that one as a spare? No, thank you. We'll never forget you and your men. Thanks to you, we're still alive. But every time I shave, I can still feel that guillotine blade. -Please, let's not talk about it anymore. -Yes, you're right. Mr. Brennan, thank you for the use of your coat. -That was nothing. -lt meant a lot to me. When I found you weren't dressed too warmly... I didn't want you to catch a cold. Goodbye, Mr. Brennan, and thanks for everything. -Bless you, Mr. Shane. -Thank you, Miss Allen. By the time this guy gets out of Sing Sing... this head will grow a long beard. English THE DALAI LAMA based on true events It's like "Pilot Guides" meets "The Money Programme". Frank and I get 50,000 kroner in cash and go off to somewhere in the world. - Bang, do something, move on. - Where would you go? Anywhere. From Iceland... To Africa. Africa is great. TV Zulu in Africa would be cool. - Who would host the show? - We've had many ideas. - Maybe Gintberg? - Yes... He's an old pal, but who wants to dance to a car alarm all night? - He's got that... he's a screamer. - Maybe Mattesen? "The Duck". He's great too. But the thing is... He doesn't look into the camera naturally. He's got that blank, feverish stare. His eyes are empty. - Maybe he's better on location? - He's got "reptile eyes". What about the Angora boys? Angora-Angola-Africa... - They're really hot right now. - You said it. "Right now". It's like a fireworks rocket. Who wants it once it has fallen down? - Hell, it could be the two of you. - That crossed our minds, too. - It would be a new thing for you. - Your channel needs "big" hosts. You want people on TV Zulu who've hosted shows on the main channel. I like it. It's at least 50-50. No, with you as hosts it's 80-20. Excuse me, I have to get this... - It's from Szhirley. You know her? - The singer? She's hot. - You're dating Szhirley? - Not quite. She's hard to get. - She's The Joker's ex-girlfriend. - Really? Isn't "The Joker" a ridiculous name for a rap singer? - Yes, but the chicks love it. - Hey, can I borrow your jacket? I want to look businessman-like when I meet Szhirley. - I haven't got an extra one with me. - I think you'll be fine, Frank. You'll get it tonight. I'll give it to Casper. I'll take care of it, Frank. It's just a jacket. No, it's a jacket that I'm very fond of. I'm not the careless type, you know. Say hello to Szhirley. - You got tickets for the Dalai Lama? - Yes, Iben is really into it. We'll see you there, too. - Great! - 80-20. It's in the bag. Yes! - Did I get tickets for the Dalai? - No, only Casper got those. - Why didn't I get any? - I don't know. Casper often gets invited without you. - Did you have a nice day? - Yes. How did the meeting go? Super. Palle really liked the idea. He wanted to do the show. He said it was 80-20. Palle always indicates the chances of a project with a percentage. Frank, would you move those bags and boxes from the spare room? Sidse is going to stay here for a couple of days. Your old schoolmate? She's going to a seminar, so she might as well stay here. Sweet girl. Great. Very charming, in fact. She's such a sunny person. - She's what? - Sunny. She lights up a room. - Has she got a boyfriend? - No, not at the moment. I'll have two naughty pussycats in the house. - She really is a naughty pussycat. - Yes, she's a zesty chick. - She's got pizzazz. - She's been in trouble. - I never told you about that. - No. She's worked as an escort girl. - Sidse worked as an escort girl? - Yes, she did. - She has quit now, but... - We'll have a hooker in the house. - Don't talk about it. - Who would I tell? I'm going to have a hooker staying at my place. - What do you mean "staying"? - You've met Sidse. - And she's a hooker? - She used to be. You can't have a hooker staying at your place. You can't control yourself. No man would be able to. Imagine that Mia says, "I'm off to the shop for a couple of hours." And you're alone with Sidse. You sit in the sofa watching a film. She unbuttons her jeans and tucks her toes under your leg. "Will you massage my feet? " she asks. Then she looks at your dick and says: "Let's do something about that. 500 kroner and I'll give you a blow job." So you think, "Have I got time? Have I got 500 kroner? You bet." And you're at it. Halfway through getting head you think, "Fuck it." And you rip off her jeans and screw her. If that's what happens, you're right. Nip it in the bud, Frank. You can't handle it. - It's no good. - It never occurred to me. I just know it. - Did you get my jacket? - From Palle? No. Strange. He promised to give it back. Hi, honey. Hi. Hi... Frank. - Long time, no see. - Hi, Sidse. Come here... - Nice to see you. - You're all sweaty. - I've been working out. - Yeah, you gave me a good hug. You felt it? I guess I got a good grip there... - Where is Mia? - She went shopping. Let's have a glass of wine and a chat. Come on. I'll get the wine. - I don't want any wine. - Why not? No alcohol for me. I'm going to work out. See you later. - Palle? Are you walking the dog? - You know Frank? - Sort of... - Hi, Szhirley. Nice meeting you. You're a great singer. I have some of your albums. - Are you on your way to the dump? - No, that's stuff I just bought. - I paid a lot of money for that. - Let's move on. - Is that my jacket you're wearing? - Yes. I'll see you, Frank. - I'd like to have it back. - You'll get it tomorrow. - You said I'd get it yesterday. - Can't it wait? We're busy. It's a cool jacket that I got in New York. I'm a bit fussy about it. Palle just borrowed it to impress you. - He has already impressed me. - Can't it wait till tomorrow? - You'll get it tomorrow. - I'd like to have it now. - You can't give it to him now. - It's not work clothes, you know. - Jesper would never have done that. - Who's Jesper? - Jesper would never have done that. - Who's Jesper? - That's The Joker, isn't it? - See you, Frank. Palle? There's a stain on it! Darling? - Do you want a cup of tea with us? - No. Just have a nice chat, you two. Want a biscuit? I found these knickers on the floor. - Oh, there they are. - I thought they were yours, Mia. They were lying on the floor. Rig ht... I've got work to do. - Mia? Will you give me a back rub? - No, not now. I guess I stood the wrong way on the step machine. - Is it bad? - Well, you know... Is it here? Sit down. Come on. Don't be silly. It'll take two minutes. Is it up here, in the shoulders? I stood the wrong way on the step machine. Yeah, I can feel that. It's all hard. Relax. Breathe in and breathe out. - Do it one more time. - Are you coming to bed? - Yes. Thank you. That helped. - You're welcome. - I'm off to bed. - So am I. Good night, Mia. Good night. Do you think Sidse is attractive? - Jesus. - I just asked. She does nothing for me. - She's nice enough, I guess. - Would you have sex with her? Do you want me to be honest? Totally honest? No, I wouldn't. - Shanghai. In an opium den. - Casper? - Yes? - Palle's on the phone. Hi, Palle. Casper here. What's up? Why? Oh, come on, you know Frank. Okay. Right. Bye. - What did Palle say? - He cancelled the project. Apparently because you... In his version of the story... humiliated him in front of Szhirley. You tore the jacket off him, and he ran after Szhirley who'd walked off. Nonsense. I asked for my jacket and he gave it to me. And he just walked away. - And he's stained my jacket! - Forget that stupid jacket, Frank. - I don't know what it is. - It's shit. How do I get it off? Maybe it's dogshit. Szhirley's got a dog. Okay. Give me that bag. Look at it from my side. The whole project is slipping. I'll talk to Palle and get it sorted. We have to get it back on track. I'm off. I need a cab. Are you staying here? Of course you are. You can't go home. - Frank's got a hooker at his house. - You've been with a hooker? - Frank's got a hooker at his house. - You've been with a hooker? You've got a hooker and a girlfriend. It's too much. Oh, never mind... Frank! - You left the door open. - I thought I was alone. Remember to close it. I didn't know you were in the bath. That's how situations like this arise. Sorry! I screwed up today. I went to the loo while Sidse was in the bathtub. - Was she naked? - I guess so. Oh. - Did you stand there looking at her? - No, I hurried out. I just wanted you to know. - It's just an awkward situation. - It's all right, darling. Casper! - What did Palle say? - He was sort of... - He can be a bit... unmanly. - You said it. So I said, "Listen, that jacket and Frank and all that jazz..." You're not at all ready, darling. You're all... crimpled. So I said, "Percentage-wise, where are we? " So he says blah-blah and I say, "Give me a number." "80-20." So we are back where we were. - Stop talking. We're late. - Then he'll just have to wait. - The Dalai Lama? - Isn't it odd I'm not invited? I don't know. I guess it's for the cultural elite. Casper's only going because I'm invited. I have an idea: Why don't you grab hold of Palle and Szhirley and come to my place afterwards and have some champagne? - Lovely. With Palle and Szhirley? - I want to make it up to them. - We have to go. - Lock up and turn off the light. I read a stupid Dalai Lama quote. "The little finger is weaker than the thumb." "But when you have to clean your ears, the little finger is useful." Hi there. The project is back on track. Casper talked to Palle. I invited them over for champagne. Frank, I've just been telling Sidse that... That you know she was a prostitute. - Now I understand why you were... - Yes, I felt a bit awkward. That story really affected me. I wasn't sure how you... I'm not used to having a girl who has worked in that profession here. - I guess it rattled me. - Like the episode in the bathroom. - Yes. That was a nasty accident. - It wasn't an accident. - I could see you were horny. - Why do you say that? I was in the bathtub and suddenly I hear a cell phone ringing. And I see you there with your trousers down... - I went to the toilet. - Well, it didn't look that way. Why didn't you tell me? I was going to tell you, but... I forgot. Listen. I went to the toilet and suddenly I saw Sidse in the bath. You were pooping with Sidse there? Yes! Welcome. Hi there. Hi, Szhirley. Palle. It was fantastic. The Dalai Lama is a true star. - It was a shame you didn't go. - I wasn't invited. - Too bad. It was really fantastic. - It was energy, it was light... It felt as if a burden was lifted off of your shoulders... I've opened a bottle of champagne to celebrate the revival of the project. - Come in and have a glass. - Thanks. - Is that Sidse in there? - Yes. Hi, Mia. Great to see you. Hi. My name is Casper. Hi Sidse. Thank you. I'd like to propose a toast for the project that is back on track. - It's a fine project. - Good luck with it. - Where have I seen you before? - I'm sure I haven't seen you before. No. I'm quite sure I've seen you before. I'm quite sure we've met. - The only thing I can think of... - Don't say anything, Sidse. Why do you want her to shut up? Do you know where it is? - Come on, say it. - All right, I'll say it. A couple of years ago Sidse worked as an escort girl. I'm out of here. I'm going home. Jesus Christ, Palle. I'm going home and you're not coming. - Come and have a drink, Szhirley. - Forget it! I'd better give Szhirley a lift. I'll talk to her and then I'll call you. Frank, you really are a clown. - Bye. - Are you going home too? - Did you bring my jacket? - No, I've got it at home. - I'll drive you home and pick it up. - No need. I'll get a cab. - There. - Bye. I'll wait here while you get the jacket. [CYBORG SNORING] [ALARM BEEPING] COMPUTER: Sleep cycle complete. [YAWNS] Oh, yeah. Another good morning, another great day to be alive. [TIMER DINGS] [SNIFFS] Hello, bacon. Hello, eggs. Nothing personal. All right, Cyborg, what's the plan for today? Combat practice. [GRUNTING] [BEEPING AND CHIMING] [GRUNTING] Huh? [BEEPING AND CHIMING] [CYBORG LAUGHS] CYBORG: Oh, man. The day is already over and I barely got through half the stuff I wanted to do. [YAWNS] There's got to be some way I can do more. Wishing you could do the maximum? Uh, yeah. Then you need Star Labs' hottest upgrade ever. The brand-new, leading-edge, blazing-fast Maximum 7. [GIBBERING] [DOORBELL RINGS] CYBORG: It's here, it's here. What's here? My super-new, super-fast, super-powerful Maximum 7. Please, what is a Maximum 7? It's a new computer processor, eight times faster than the Maximum 6. So I guess we're upgrading the Titans' computer? No. We're upgrading me. With the Maximum 7, I'll be able to do more, see more and get more out of life than ever. Dude, you actually want to do more stuff? My goal in life is maximum couch time. I understand wanting to live life to its fullest, but putting a chip in your brain? My head's already full of chips. And I ran a complete diagnostic before I ordered it. The MAX-7 is fully compatible with all my systems. Totally safe. ALL: Ooh. Yeah, that looks safe. Okay. I'll get this baby installed fast and zoom through the rest of my day. Just take a second to read the instructions and this warning, a few disclaimers, another warning, something in German. Oh, man, I don't have time for this. Okay, time to take life to the maximum. [WHIRRING AND BEEPING] Booyah! And then I said... [GRUNTING] Huh? Now, this is a good workout. [ALL GASPING] [LAUGHING] [GRUNTS] What's the matter, Adonis? Starting to feel the burn? You weaklings don't stand a chance. [GRUNTING] Adonis has upgraded. [GRUNTING] So have I. Whoo! High five for the assist. Hi there. - Azarath, Metrion... - Zinthos. Huh? CYBORG: Air mail. Dude, Cyborg is more Cyborgy than ever. Agreed. He now opens even larger cans of the butt-whoop. All right. We beat the bad guy, just in time for dinner. So I guess that chip works. Oh, yeah. With this thing driving my circuits, I can do more than ever. [TIRES SCREECH] Hop in. We're going for pizza. [LAUGHING] [BEEPING AND CHIMING] [DRILL WHIRRING] [CROWD CHEERING] Safe. Autochthonous. A-U-T-O-C-H-T-H-O-N-O-U-S. Autochthonous. [BEEPING AND CHIMING] [BOTH SPEAKING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE] Remember, if you're not grilling with Cy-B-Q Sauce, you just ain't cooking. ANNOUNCER: Cy-B-Q Brand. Official marinade of the Teen Titans. I thought our official marinade was zorbrian spider juice. Yeah, but that's because you: [SPEAKS IN ALIEN LANGUAGE] [LAUGHING] [SPEAKS IN ALIEN LANGUAGE] Checkmate. Oh, gotta go. Places to be, things to do. Dude, I'm getting tired just watching you. Slow down. No way. Thanks to the MAX-7, I'm having the time of my life. [ALARM WAILING] Trouble. [ALARM WAILING] [VEHICLE APPROACHING] [TIRES SCREECH] All right. I've got a skydiving class in 15 minutes. Let's handle this one fast. Y'all might be able to handle one Billy Numerous but let's see how you handle 10. You're gonna be late for class. BILLY: Face facts, compadres. Y'all may have a heap a fancy powers but Billy Numerous has got you outnumbered. ROBIN: Great. He can be in 10 places at once. - Not even Cyborg could do that. - Watch me. [CYBORG YELLING] [METAL CLANGS] [ALL LAUGHING] [GASPS] [ALL GRUNTING] ALL: Bubba, you just opened up a six-pack. BILLY: Hey. [ALL YELLING] ALL: Yee-ha! - Gotcha. - Is that a fact? [CYBORG GRUNTING] ALL: Right back at you. Well, this here's been a humdinger, y'all. But it's time for old Billy to split. Which way did they go? Not they. He. The original Billy is long gone, with all the loot. Come on. We're wasting time. [YAWNS] [SNORING] Uh, is she okay? She's just tired. BEAST BOY: Well, she's not the only one. If I don't go to sleep before sunrise, it seriously messes with my afternoon nap. Even if we did find Billy tonight, we'd be in no condition to fight him. - We need to rest. CYBORG: No, thanks. I'm not letting some hillbilly human copy machine throw me off my whole schedule for tomorrow. I've got the Maximum. - I can keep going. - Just don't push yourself too hard. [YAWNS] Come on, Cyborg. You don't have time to be tired. Maybe the MAX-7 just needs a little more juice. Hmm. Already drawing all the power I can spare. Unless... Sleep's a waste of time, anyway. [LAUGHING] [WEAPONS POWERING UP] Huh? [BILLY LAUGHING] Huh? [TRUCK HORN HONKING] [YELLS] [CYBORG GRUNTS] CYBORG: Freeze. Huh? [GASPS AND SCREAMS] [GROWLS] [TIRES SCREECHING] Howdy, bubba. How do you like my new wheels? My car. [GRUNTS] [ROBIN SIGHS] ROBIN: Looks like a good day to catch Billy. Um, has anybody seen Cyborg? Friend, did you not have any of the sleep? [IN ROBOTIC VOICE] Sleep is no longer required. [BEEPING] Billy Numerous. He was here. - Find him. - Cyborg, it's great that you're working so hard, but I think there may be something wrong. You just don't seem like you. Your joyful smile is gone, you have ceased the booyahs. And you haven't made a joke all day. You're totally cyboring. I deleted my sense of humor to power the Maximum. You know, Cyborg's always had chips for brains but he's turning into the one thing I never thought he could be. - What's that? - A robot. [FOOTSTEPS MARCHING] [CROWD GASPS] [BILLYS LAUGHING] ALL: Woo-hoo! Yee-ha! Numerous. What are you doing? Nothing. And if y'all believe that, I got a bridge to sell you. [SCREAMS] [SCREAMING] [POWERING DOWN] Cyborg! [HORNS HONKING] [FOOTSTEPS MARCHING] ALL: Woo-hoo! Yee-ha! [BILLYS LAUGHING] Attaboy, Billy. Steal it all. Can't nobody stop you. Yee-ha! [CYBORG GROANING] [IN NORMAL VOICE] Huh? - Did we stop Numerous? ROBIN: No. We had to break off the attack to take care of you. We're actually reading the instructions. This microchip was indeed compatible with all of your systems. But when you started shutting those systems down to feed the Maximum your core operating hardware was stressed beyond its limits. To save your life, we had to remove it from your brain. But how am I supposed to beat Billy without the MAX-7? I could barely keep up with him before. BEAST BOY: You don't need to keep up with him. I can turn into the biggest, strongest, fastest animals on Earth but you know what, dude? Sometimes it's best to be a slow, tiny turtle. That would've been a lot more profound without the hat. BILLY: Yee-ha! Ha, ha! Hey, Billy. Look at this here funny Mexican hat I stole. BILLY: Olé, Billy. - You're a good man. - And a really good thief. Not to mention one heck of a good-looking fella, Billy. Oh, Billy. [LAUGHING] CYBORG: Yo, Billy. Quit talking to yourself. One against 100? Y'all dumber than I thought. ROBIN: Well, if one's not enough how about five? - Or 10? Fifteen? - Twenty. CYBORG: Thirty. STARFIRE: Forty. ROBIN: Fifty. TITANS: One hundred. Well, butter my backside and call me a biscuit. Looks like somebody's done figured a way to duplicate my duplication powers. Y'all may have copied a copier, but you'll never be as good as the original. Yee-ha! ROBIN: Titans, go. BILLY: Get them. [BILLYS SCREAMING] [ALL GRUNTING] [ALL GRUNTING] ALL: Huh? [ALL SCREAMING] [BILLY LAUGHS] Hey, Billy. I got one. [SCREAMS] [BILLYS SCREAMING] Nobody, but nobody, outnumbers Billy Numerous. [GRUNTING] BOTH: Uh-oh. [SCREAMING] [GROANING] Oh, dang. Holograms worked like a charm, Cyborg. CYBORG: I heard that. We brought down Billy, and I didn't even have to move. Dude, turtles know what's up. Booyah. Now, what should we do with the rest of this beautiful day? Go fishing? Pig out on ice cream? Hang in the new game room? Actually, I know exactly what I wanna do. [SNORING] Subtitles by SDI Media Group [ENGLISH SDH] There were people who loathed one other. their souls soaked in blood... And their bonds were broken by blades... their sincerity walls... please die... please die... Clouds shroud a night with a waning moon quivering in the haze A cruel trap involving a pair of crucified fledglings since smoldering feelings lie firmly in their hearts destruction! severely as a flower pierce with a trembling blade Even when I shut the fated tears deep within my eyes my eyelids still remember you 19th Year of Keichou (1614 A.D.) Sunpu Castle Tokugawa Chief of Espionage- Hattori Hanzo Swordsmanship Instructor- Yagyuu Munenori Retired Shogun - Tokugawa Ieyasu Kouga Manjidani Group- Kazamachi Shougen Kouga Manjidani Chief - Kouga Danjou Iga Tsubagakure Group - Yashamaru Iga Tsubagakure Chief - Iga-no-Ogen Don't worry... It'll only hurt for a second! Iga-no-Ogen! That sharpness! What on earth does that man wield? ! twined together and coated with secret animal oils... 'Tis the secret Kokujou (Black Rope) technique of Iga-no-Yashamaru. However there is no point in wasting it so. you Kouga geezer! boy... Kouga Danjou! What was that? ! It was phlegm. P-phlegm? ! To think he would oppose Yashamaru's Kokujou with phlegm... Ogen. Make not light of it! The phlegm of the Kouga Manjidani's Kazamachi Shougen is like glue! several hundred-fold! kiddo! Now you can't play cat's cradle anymore. Bastard! I'll kill you Kouga scum! To think I'd ever see eye-to-eye with Iga trash! Kouga Danjou... Ogen... What ill-boding people... Now I understand why the first Hanzo sealed them in darkness and forced them into an anti-war pact... I do not understand why Ieyasu-sama would wish to observe such rabble... Ninja... Indeed. So a priest says to use ninja to decide the next Tokugawa shogunate... Edo Castle is split into two factions over Hidetada-sama's successor; and one for younger brother Kunichiyo-sama. Tokugawa Bakufu Overseer- Nankoubou Tenkai" Even the senior guards Tokugawa Bakufu Overseer- Nankoubou Tenkai" partake in this family quarrel... partake in this family quarrel... even if we do destroy Toyotomi the Tokugawa shall also follow the path to destruction. I know... Priest. And I have stated my thoughts. it is far too late to settle things with reason. Empathetic consideration would also prove futile. the next wisest choice would be to decide by having two worthy warrior families vie in a 10-game match of swords... Doing thusly would also save many Tokugawa samurai from dying pointless deaths... ninja? Indeed... Even if ninja should slay one another and perish in a sea of blood it would make no difference to anyone! Enough. Stop them. --That is enough! --That is enough! Kouga and Iga... To think such people would hide in a province bordering the Yagyuu... How blind I have been! I had heard of their names from the first Hanzo. Their ninpou is said to surpass ordinary techniques. Yes. That was most impressive. Iga-no-Ogen. I truly thank you both. Incidentally... Would you be willing to help determine the Tokugawa successor by fighting to the death in a ninpou competition? Allow me to humbly say this. Speak. We... have been bitter rivals for 400 years. Even were it not for the Tokugawa family... Rescind the anti-war pact we made with the first Hattori Hanzo-sama and we can begin. As you wish. Hanzo. Then... Inscribe upon these two scrolls the names of ten ninja of each clan. The Kouga shall represent the faction wishing Kunichiyo to be heir. The Iga shall represent the Takechiyo faction. I entrust to them the selection of the third-generation shogun. And once the two sides fight and slay one another the one to survive with this secret scroll in hand shall be the victor! The Ten Kouga The Ten Iga By Decree of Tokugawa Ieyasu 1000 years of glory are promised to one clan! To Kouga Manjidani... To Iga Tsubagakure... Ogen-ba... That it is... Just as we were nearing conciliation through our grandchildren's love... The two could very well be with each other as we speak... Such a pity... It just wasn't in the stars... Wasn't in the stars... indeed... Providence is terrifying... 9th Year of Tenshou (1581 A.D.) Danjou-sama! Ogen-dono! Sorry I'm late! Today is the last day we can meet in secret... Yes. The next time we can meet is after both the Iga and Kouga clans have been freed from their long-standing grudge. It won't be that long. The Kouga elder is on my side. Hattori Hanzo-sama too wishes for a truce between the clans. they will unquestionably spare no effort to help. Danjou-sama... Ogen-dono... The sun is about to set. Make haste. Ogen-dono. What is wrong? --Do you think it will be? --Come again? Do you think... there will be peace in our lifetime? Do not be fainthearted... We must both patiently persuade those close to us. we will bring both sides together and tell them about us. Ogen-dono... I will do my utmost... I love you... Ogen. That's the first time you've ever called me "Ogen"! I have cleansed my body... That's... The Tsubagakure village! The Tsubagakure lookouts would never be destroyed so easily! This is no ordinary raid! and why? ! Oda! Ogen! Where is the elder? - Down the hall. Excuse me. The control room for America Live? - Where is the fucking control room? - Right down there. Fuck! Down here, down here, down here! Don't tell me we're gettin' sandbagged! We're getting sandbagged! I knew you couldn't trust this fucking guy! Senator Hanson, do you recognize Mr. Poullet? Un, no. I don't have a monitor, so I can't see him. Thetruthis , Lainey and I had that one incident. I don't believe we ever saw each other again after that. To her credit, she was very drunk when she had sex... with my friends, uh, my brothers and I. A sandbag is what it is. He's fucking your friend. He has obviously infiltrated your show. Mrs. Hanson, you still have not taken a stand on the accuracy of this report. It's very accurate, and those photos are accurate too. We had them on the frat house bulletin board for months. We called that "Life in the Sex Laine." - What are we gonna do now? - We're gonna sue him. I will not dignify those remarks or your questions with a response. Good evening. The guy's a jerk. We're never gonna put our people on that show again. Some asshole called in and made this idiot claim. Hell, they've gotta investigate. The whole situation's a son of a bitch. I would like to start by saying... that much has been made of the reports in the press of an investigation... into the possible... possible, I say again... criminal behavior on the part of the nominee. This committee will wait for a report from the FBI... before taking this matter up. However, I'll once again afford the nominee an opportunity to respond. I, too, will wait for the FBI report before responding. Madam Senator. Tell us a little bit about your family. You have a son. Mm-hmm. Yes, I have one six-year-old boy, Timothy. That's a very nice age. Now, I see here that when you... had Timothy, you were absent from your duty... for a few months' maternity leave. - It's the right of every mother to be able to take maternity... - Paid maternity leave. Yes. I don't believe we should penalize our citizens for having children. I think I'm on safe ground saying that valuing motherhood is quite nonpartisan. - Um, were you to get pregnant again... do you plan to take maternity leave? Um, I've not given that any consideration. No? Are you still able to bear children? Yes, I am... I believe, yes, I am. Yet you have not given this matter any consideration. Perhaps that means... No, strike that. Madam Senator... let us assume you ascended to the presidency... and you were to have a child during your term. Would you cede your duties to your vice president and for how long? Mr. Chairman, would the chair expect to have the designate assure this committee... that she would have her tubes tied before she assume office? - Mr. Chairman, I humbly request a point of order. - You will be afforded one. - With all due respect... - You will be afforded one when I am finished. The truth is that while we have not put a seal on the concept of having another child... my husband and I practice birth control. Mm-hmm. Okay, I would now like to... enter the arena of loyalty. Loyalty is a revered quality among vice presidents. Would you agree? - Yes, very much so. Yes. - Yet you chose to officially move... from the Republican to the Democratic party when you left the House to run for the Senate. I view switching parties as a testament to my loyalty to my country. I felt that the Republican party had shifted from the ideals that I cherished through my youth. As a Republican, did you ever... vote along party lines but against your own beliefs? No, never. - You still believe in every vote you made? - Yes. - Including your vote to impeach President Clinton? - Yes, I do. That was an issue of fairness. The president, as commander in chief, stood by... while several military officers, including candidates for the chairman of the Joint Chiefs... were prosecuted for adultery or were not permitted... to advance their careers. I am opposed to making adultery, or even lying about it, a crime in our armed forces. But while it is a law, it should be enforced without consideration of rank... even if that rank is commander in chief. Perhaps the senator is unaware that commander in chief is not actually a military rank. I am aware of that. What I think we can say of President Clinton is that he was not guilty but responsible. "Not guilty but responsible." I am... I like that. I, uh, I-I may, uh... I may use that. - If you wish, you can go ahead. - Thank you. When... When considering you for the vice presidency... we must also consider your worthiness as commander in chief. - Would you agree? - Yes, I do. In that case, given your feelings on the matter... have you ever committed adultery? - No, I have not. - No? You're quite sure? Madam Senator, you understand that, uh, you are under oath. Yes, I understand that, between the two of us, I'm the one that's under oath. When you guys go before the Antitrust Committee, don't you want Hank on your side? Sure, but not at any price. Last time we spoke, you were sitting where you are now. Hank was sitting where Len is. You started telling him what a shame it would be... if the refrigeration systems on the trucks went out. Hank's a hothead, and he took that as a threat. If we were threatening him, he'd know it. That's what I thought, but now we have some massaging to do. Hank's gotta be treated with kid gloves. - Senator Hanson? Congressman Webster's here to see you. - Sorry. Yep? - Guess we got our ten minutes. - Okay, send him in. No, I want to resolve this. I do. Just give me a few minutes. If you want something to drink, Jerry will take care of you. - We're gonna get back into this? - We will. We will. Senator, you want me to sit in? Make sure the congressman's clear on everything? We'll be fine. Won't we, Mr. Webster? We'll be all right. Thanks. Proud of yourself? So, what can I do for you, Mr. Webster? I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here. I think you're here because you want to know why I'm not fighting back. Because despite it all, you've got some odd sense of fair play. You're kicking my ass. It's gone from feeling like easy pickings to out-and-out bullying. I feel like there should be some back and forth between us, you and the committee. I'll give you back and forth on Social Security, relations with Israel... on the Dow Jones, the census, almost everything, but not this. No, not my personal life. It's just nobody's business. That's not what the people will tell you; the people will tell you it is their business... that you're setting standards of morality for their children. Especially their girls. Have you ever heard of Isaac Lamm? - Isaac Lamm? No. - He was the first one to come before HUAC... the House Un-American Activities Committee. He was also the first one to name names, first to cooperate with the government. The dominoes fell from there. Careers crushed, families destroyed. Just imagine, Mr. Webster, if Mr. Lamm had just said, "Fuck you," to the committee. Imagine how much harder he would've made it for them. Are you accusing the committee of sexual McCarthyism? Well, it's not necessary to make the accusation. Oh, I just can't respond to the committee's lightly veiled accusations... because it's not okay for them to be made. Or maybe you can't respond because the answers you have to give are too embarrassing. You know what? You're young. That's okay. That's okay. You're young. I'm gonna choose to be amused by your naiveté, give you the benefit of the doubt. I'm gonna spell it out for you even more clearly. If I were a man, nobody would care... how many sexual partners I had in college. And if it's not relevant for a man, it's not relevant for a woman. Jerry, send the folks back in, please. I gotta finish this up. He's not a bad man. He believes in what he's doing. There's an odd sort of integrity there. But in this business, with so much at stake... it's not enough to believe in yourself, you have to be right. This is an ideological rape of all women. - Timmy, that's a little too high. - Okay, Mommy. Thank you, sweetie. Well, then I'll survive it for all of us. Tomorrow morning Congressman Marshall is gonna ask you questions. He's going to hit you with abortion. I promise you that Shelly will find some way to call you a baby killer. We're ready for him. Our position papers are first-rate. - Every one of them. - You let him finish. Then you look him in the eye and you ask him... "Mr. Runyon, 20 years ago your wife Maggie had an abortion. Do you think her a murderer?" He's a hypocrite. No, he's not. Shelly has no idea. Are you saying you would appoint a Supreme Court justice... based on his being pro-choice? Mr. Marshall, the vice president does not appoint Supreme Court justices. Should you succeed the president or even advise the president? I would be inclined, though not without flexibility... to disregard any man or woman who is pro-life from serving on the High Court. So you would allow a personal political belief to enter into such a decision? Abortion isn't a constitutional issue. The fine ladies and gentlemen who serve on the Supreme Court... which is now stacked with right-wing appointees... have no business deciding whether women have to resort to back-alley abortions... You mean they have no business deciding whether women have a license to commit murder. Mr. Marshall, your time has expired. Sir, if the distinguished "gentlelady" from Ohio would answer the question... I think the lady has made clear her propensity for abortion. - Come on, Mr. Runyon! - Mr. Lewis, you do not have speaking privileges. Mr. Chairman, I find your term, "propensity for abortion"... misrepresentative of my position. I have a propensity for a woman's right to choose. - To abort a child! - A fetus. To kill a baby as it grows in the womb. Personally, Senator... I do not believe that it is the right of our citizens... to... to butcher a defenseless human being simply... simply as a matter of choice. At the risk of my own future, I tell you this: If you support the right... of a woman to choose, you are supporting... nothing less than a-a-a holocaust of the unborn. Mr. Chairman, are you calling me... I believe my position on this issue is clear. Yes, madam, it most certainly is. God, I love this game. When she tries to tell me how to do it, I do it my way. Then she comes back and changes it afterwards, and that way... Jeez. Good one, sir. You're an all-weather golfer, I see. What kind of stick you using there? - It's a putting stick. - Right, putting stick. When I asked for you last week, they said you were in Vegas. - Business, sir. - Vegas is business? I did blow a roll of quarters. Will you excuse us? - How's that cough doing? - Aah. That's her casino account balance. She offered to take her sorority sister to Vegas, her treat. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God? I do. Please state your name for the record. Cynthia C-H-A-R-L-T-O-N Lee. Thank you. Please be seated. We will start the questioning with Mr. Skakle. Mr. Skakle, the five-minute rule is in effect. Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Miss Lee. Miss Lee, hello. I'm over here. Thank you for joining us. Now, you are under subpoena, is that correct? Yes. - Miss Lee, could you speak directly into the mike? - Yes. I understand you're nervous, but believe me when I tell you you're among friends. Miss Lee, you are not married. No... No. - No, I'm not. - But you once were. I was married to William Hanson. - Who is now married to the nominee. - Yes. He married Laine after our divorce. It was about seven years ago. Divorce. Right. I've read your divorce papers. Ladies and gentlemen, that by the way is tab 76. They cite irreconcilable differences. Could you tell us, what were those irreconcilable differences? I can't really pinpoint them. - Was your husband physically violent to you? - No. Did you have financial disagreements or disagreements over how to raise your kids? We didn't have children. - Were there infidelities? - Yes. There was one. Is it safe to say that this infidelity precipitated the divorce? Miss Lee, please answer the question verbally. Was that a yes? Yes, it was. It was a yes. - Did you, ma'am, have the affair? - No. - It was your husband then? - Yes. Will... Will was in charge... of Laine Billings's first senatorial campaign. He was with her all the time. Are you suggesting the senator, the nominee, had an affair with your husband? - Once again, Miss Lee... - I'm sorry. Yes. Yes, yes. Thank you. Did the nominee know Mr. Hanson was married? Laine was my friend. My good, good friend. Miss Lee, would you explain to this committee as you did in your deposition... how you discovered that the nominee was involved... in an affair with your husband? Yes. Um... On the night of the elections, I was at home. I had the flu. I was watching TV, watching Laine about to make her acceptance speech. I was very sad that I couldn't be there. It was a triumph for Laine and my husband. She was up at the podium. Will was by her side. He was holding her hand in victory. On the other side of Laine... she was just sort of clasping that person's hand. But with Will... their hands were interlaced. It was odd that I noticed it, but... Um, my doorbell rang. I answered the door, and there was a gentleman there... dressed very nicely, he had a yellow tie on. He had papers for me. - Papers? I'm sorry. - Separation papers. Since the committee chose to humiliate a private woman in the most public possible setting... I would like to apologize to her alike... and I will also do so privately when she allows me to do so. Um, what I did to Miss Lee was wrong. It was not done out of malice. Indeed the opposite. Um... love is an involuntary reflex, and I fell victim to it. Um, I deeply regret causing Cynthia pain... and it is especially saddening for me because... of how close we once were. And whether or not the affair that Will and I had... should have any bearing on my assuming office is for the committee to decide. I dare not assume that I have the objective wisdom to make that determination. Thank you. - Senator, are you suggesting the public... - Okay, she's had a long day. You know what she's going through. Come on, come on. You know what she's going through. Come on, come on. She was your best friend. Runyon deposed Will's ex-wife today, and, uh... she stated that Will and I had had an affair... She saw her fucking holding hands, interlocked fingers with this gal... and she knew that she'd been fucking him. That's what she said. - I'm sorry. - It's a bad beat. I'm not sure that I get the point of all this. - You said under oath that you never committed adultery. - That's right. - You perjured yourself. - I didn't commit adultery. - You were fucking Will when he was married. - All right. Even the most loose definition of committing adultery would not include that. Goddamn it, she's right. You're right. In order for it to be committing adultery, she'd have to be married at the time. You're nitpicking in reverse now. Your husband may have been an adulterer. You're not. Fine. What you are is a sex-crazed, home-wrecking machine. The female Warren Beatty. Runyon knows that you're clean of the perjury... but he's got the world thinking you're something out of a bad soap opera. You've goddamned crystallized the difference between being guilty and being responsible. Are you asking me to step down, sir? No, it's not gonna be that easy for you, and it's not gonna be that easy for them. They caught you being a human being. That's all. I'll die before Shelly Runyon checkmates me. I think the president's trying to say the Sitting Bull routine isn't working. - The Sitting Bull routine? - No! Fight back. Show them Laine Hanson isn't gonna take their shit. Take the fight out of 'em. - What's the process? - Confess. - Confess? - Yeah, confess. - Confess. Confess to the gang-bang. Confess to all of it. - Look what it did for Clinton with Flowers. - Play it any way you want. It didn't hurt his numbers. It improved his numbers. Show indignation about how a man would never have to go through hell for having done this. Confess and demonstrate to the young women of America... how such sexual impropriety can ruin their lives. Confess and preach about the dangers that alcohol can bring to you. For God's sakes, just confess! I understand, Kermit, truly. I understand, and you know what? It's really nobody's business. Well, it is our fucking business! Listen, Laine... I don't care who you fucked... and how many times in how many positions... as long as it doesn't threaten the administration. You can be cavalier on your own dime. Mr. President. I am fully prepared to step down... but my personal life... and my past... are just that. But I will do whatever you say. Show them why Laine Hanson is my nominee with your closing statement. Mr. Chairman... ladies and gentlemen of the committee: Uh, remarkably enough, it seems that I have some explaining to do. So... let me be absolutely clear. I stand for a woman's right to choose. I stand for the elimination of the death penalty. I stand for a strong and growing armed forces... because we must stomp out genocide on this planet... and I believe that that is a cause worth dying for. I stand for seeing every gun taken out of every home. Period. I stand for making the selling of cigarettes to our youth a federal offense. I stand for term limits and campaign reform. And, Mr. Chairman, I stand for the separation of church and state... and the reason that I stand for that is the same reason that I believe our forefathers did. It is not there to protect religion from the grasp of government... but to protect our government from the grasp of religious fanaticism. I may be an atheist... but that does not mean I do not go to church; I do go to church. The church I go to is the one that emancipated the slaves... that gave women the right to vote. It gave us every freedom that we hold dear. My church is this very chapel of democracy that we sit in together... and I do not need God to tell me what are my moral absolutes. I need my heart, my brain and this church. Get in there, get in there. Oh, shoot! Come on, come on, come on! - Senator? Oh... - Hello, Freshman. Senator, I just wanted to steal a couple of seconds. What? See what whores do on their time off? Listen, I know the things I've done. They may not have been nice or considered politically savvy... but they have served the greater good and they have been honest. Okay. Look, I know you're not a whore. - I'm not gonna talk about it. - I know. You're not talking about it. Somebody else has come forward. Somebody else from the night of the incident sent me this letter. They didn't send it to me. They sent it to the committee. I just happen to be in charge of all the correspondence. I don't think you can keep quiet about what's in there. Mr. Runyon has a copy, and now so do you. I beg you, Senator, to deal with this. - How long is this flight? - About an hour and 40 minutes. POTUS is scheduled to address the American Legion on the third. - American Legion? Who approved that? - I don't know. - I thought he had the D.A.R. Dinner that night. - We have a five-hour window. - Hey, Chuck. - Hey, Kermit. Did you get the AP reports? - What's that? - POTUS's poll numbers are down 23%. - And Hanson's in the low 30s. - Get in there. I'll talk to you in a minute. - Are you Willomina? - Yes, sir. You asked to see me? - Is this your handiwork? - Yes, sir. - How many people have seen this? - I gave it only to the director. - And who have you talked to about this? - Nobody. Not a husband? Boyfriend? - Grandma in Kalamazoo? - No, sir. Nobody. - Keep it that way. - Yes, sir. You did a good job, Special Agent. Sir! Uh, sir, I just... I just wanted to ask, ask you. Um, well... Are you gonna dump her? Sir, this may be really, really inappropriate... but if that's what you guys are thinking... Please, you can't do it. She's hope. Hope that the standards... That there is no double standard. Hope that the goals can be the same. You know what? You're goddamn right. That was absolutely inappropriate. Robertson. I wouldn't take it too hard. It's not exactly fair when six foxes and one chicken... are voting on what to have for dinner. Well,that'snot playing fair. I'll give you that. You want an oatmeal cookie? - Trevor? - I'm getting them, sir. I find these giant raisins... Well, you'll see. Taste like grapes. Shelly, you really made a mess of things for me. You sure did clobber me. Isn't it possible, sir, that I was... that I was acting... - in the best interests of the United States? - No. It's not possible. That's what pisses me off. It's all about retribution for Hartford. Thank you, Trevor. That'll be all. - Go ahead. Try this. It's wonderful. - No. I may have taken the presidency from you, but you one-upped me. You took away my legacy. I look at her and I see someone who has proven the capacity for disloyalty. Or the capacity for seeing the light. We're both sticking to our guns. The difference is... mine are loaded. Look, it doesn't matter, does it? She's not being confirmed. We can talk for days about greatness and leadership... but Laine Hanson will not be confirmed. I have seven from your side who are giving her the ax. Oh, indeed, the ax? We can go through the process of a vote. You can waste time... and suffer the humiliation, or... or we can just move on. - There's a lot of good folk to choose from. - Who? Who can I be certain you'll confirm? The man you wanted in the first place: Jack Hathaway. Shelly. Good man. Okay, Shelly... I'll give you Governor Jack Hathaway, but I wanna make damn sure... - you'll give him a smooth ride. - My word. There's a reason they call me Honest Shell. Irony, Shelly. I want an insurance policy. I want a piece of the rock. I wanna make sure... you're not gonna pull some kind of baloney out of your hat... and make a mockery of my administration again. Listen. This is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna ask Mrs. Hanson and Mr. Hathaway up to the Oval Office... before the D.A.R. Banquet tomorrow night. I want you there as well, but, Shelly... before then, I need you to marry yourself to this guy. I need you to make a public statement that makes his sinking your sinking. - Otherwise... - But I'm not sure I can... Let's make this confirmation fast and furious. - Help me save face on this one. - Okay. Oh, man. Mr. Runyon, prefer I take you around back? - No, I'll be fine. - Yes, sir. How do you respond to the rumors that Mrs. Hanson has withdrawn her name? That is a rumor I've not yet heard. Have you heard about the possibility of Governor Hathaway... - returning to the list of vice presidential... - Governor Hathaway is a fine man. Will he have a smoother ride than Mrs. Hanson? Let me go on record as saying... that in my opinion there is no man alive... no Democrat alive... who could bring... more integrity to the office of the vice presidency. I would stake my career... on Governor Hathaway's, uh, smooth and efficient confirmation. As for Laine Hanson... - Got everybody, Glenda? - Yes, sir. He says you can go in whenever you're ready. - Great. Hello, Jack. - Kermit. - Fiona, you're looking particularly fetching this evening. - Thank you, sir. - I believe this is the first one of these affairs for you, right? - Yes. - My 37th. - You look great. - Hello, Shelly. - Newman. Everybody would understand if you wanted to delay for two weeks. I'm not sure I could stomach another two weeks. Oh, Jack. - Jerry. Good. - How are you? Mr. Hanson. - Gentlemen. Jack. - Mr. President. There he is! Shelly! Hello, Mr. President. Uh, you know what? Before we get started... I can't stomach the idea... of touching that chichi food we always get served at these state dinners. - Glenda? - Yes, sir? Could we put together a grilled cheese sandwich? Muenster on rye. Right away. Oh, sorry. Where are my manners? You guys want anything? - No, thank you, sir. - Shelly? Jesus, uh, Shell, those were some... very nice things you said about Jack. Jack, there. I understand that you two have never met. - Laine Hanson, Jack Hathaway. - It's a pleasure. - I'm quite in awe of you. - Thank you. Mr. President? - Yes, Glenda? - Sir, the kitchen's all out of Muenster. Really? Wow. Well, um, let's get on that. We don't want the wheels coming off the wagon. This is, uh... This is quite an event. Here we are. Quite a sad event. - Mr. President, if I may? - Yes, please. A short while ago, you told me that you thought I might be the future of the party. I know that these are tough times... and the future is uncertain... but I'm very pleased to think that I might be able to help make things a little smoother. The future, yes. Well, there is one thing... quite certain about the future. - What's that? - Sir? - You have the right to remain silent... - Fred. - I have to read him his rights. - Fred, the governor, he knows his rights. You know your rights, right, Jack? You don't have to humiliate him. You fucked up, buddy. - The girl, do you know what she was? - What girl? - The girl in the river. - She was a paralegal. - Before that. - She was military. Fourteen Golf. We found the money that you put in her account at the Bellagio. - Two hundred thousand dollars. - And that ad in... - Soldier of Fortune. - Yeah, Soldier of Fortune. I don't mind confessing, I am at a total fucking loss. Shelly, he paid her to go off the fucking bridge. He paid her to save her. Jesus Christ. - Shelly, maybe I... - You shouldn't say anything. - Jack, look, we respect... - You're going to have to come with me now. Fred. We respect you. We're trying to make this go as smoothly as it possibly can. I know you meant no harm. - Hell, I don't even know... What would the charge be? - Negligent homicide. Oh, negligent homicide. Sir. - Good luck, Mrs. Hanson. - You too. Who doesn't want a shortcut to greatness? Oh, it's a goddamn shame about the Muenster. Mr. President. Yeah, Shelly? You set me up. Just this once. For the record, sir... I find what you did to be manipulative... Mr. Chairman, let's just say... "I'm guilty but not responsible," hmm? Shelly, you needn't worry about us exposing the fact... that you leaked all that horrible material about Laine on the Internet. We know that you were just following your heart. Yeah, Hartford, it was a tough one. But... Well, it doesn't make a difference. - She still is who she is. - Yes, she is. And you are who you are. You're still coming to the banquet, aren't you? Because I'd love to see you. Is your wife in town? May I introduce tonight's honoree, Miss Barr? - Congressman Webster. - Honor, madam. And, Congressman, you know the senator, of course. We go about two feet back. I asked them to have you seated at my table tonight. - If you want to break bread with me. - Absolutely. - Don't eat all the hors d'oeuvres. - Shark steak sandwiches? Yeah. Save me some. Last time I shared one of these, it was with the president of Russia. Or maybe it was the kid who won Wimbledon for the second time. I'm honored, sir. You're not supposed to inhale. Maybe that's the first thing you should've told me. Recognize this affidavit? Where'd you get that, sir? Where you got yours. Where Shelly Runyon got his. From Mr. Webster. He may not know his right from his left... but apparently he does know right from wrong. I understand you even less now, Senator. - You are an enigma wrapped in a riddle. - Wrapped in a riddle. Watch your step, Senator. What if I told you that I'm just busting at the seams... to know what exactly happened that night... to hear the truth from your own lips? Totally off the record. Not between the president and the senator, but between the president and Laine. Better than that. Between Jackson and Laine. Well, I had just turned 18 when I got to college... and I had never been away from home, not really. And I was immediately... I was immediately lonely. And that's when the sorority kicked in. I wanted them, they wanted me. I was the daughter of the governor, for chrissake. - True blue catch. - I guess so. And like any other sorority, they have an initiation, a rush. And they have this girl, this woman that Runyon deposed, Patty LaVamere. She runs the sorority, and she gives it to me straight: If I wanna be in, I have to go to their brother fraternity and have sex... with two boys. What a coup for them, huh? Daughter of a big-time Republican doing a frat house? But I say, "There's no chance." - The whole thing was pretty hairy. - I bet. But six beers later, I'm talking a different tune... so off we go to the frat house. Half the girls were there, about a zillion boys. They're cheering my name. "Laine! Laine! Laine!" And I'm just stumbling around. Eventually I just say, "I'm gonna go for it." If getting laid is a common initiation for boys in the frat... then why not for us, right? - You're asking me? - No, I'm not. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Go ahead. That's okay. So they send me into this room. It's dark and dim. There are these two guys. They both have towels wrapped around their waists. And the first guy, he slips his towel off. And I see his thing, and... I take it in my hand... and I say... - It was the first thing that came into my head. - What did you say? I said, "I'm sorry, I don't smoke." And then I just got the hell out of there. You okay, sir? Oh, no, I'm just thinking what I'd pay to be back in college again. The next day, the campus was rampant with word... that I had been the center of a gang-bang. I mean, the governor's daughter. Let me tell you. That's one hell of a bell to un-ring. - What about the photographs? - Not me. I never took my clothes off. Even if I had, I've got this big birthmark on my right thigh... that the lady with the lovely physique in the photo lacks. - No witnesses? - Pure urban legend. A little bit of wishful thinking thrown in, I think. You know, Laine... you could've looked those pricks in the eye and told them the truth. Under oath. Told them they were full of shit. And barring that, you could've at least told me. But see, it really wasn't any of your business either, and it still isn't. There's something about almost puking on a Havana... that just turns a girl... to blush. This letter from Jack Bennet... and Larry Bellows, affidavit, I guess, that you got from Webster. It pretty much says that nothing happened that night. - They're ready to come forward to be deposed. - That's very good of them. So, that's it. The end. Good guys win. I'm gonna call a press conference tomorrow, read that letter... and damn it if you don't have the fastest confirmation on record. No, sir. "No, sir"? What, "No, sir"? I would prefer that we not have the press conference, sir. Laine, maybe you've been out of law school too long. - This is what they call exculpatory evidence. - Yes, I realize that. - This is your ticket to wherever history is gonna take you. - Yes. But principles only mean something if you stick by them when they're inconvenient. If I ever did answer the questions... you know, even to exonerate myself... that would mean that it was okay for them to have been asked in the first place... and it isn't. - You would sacrifice your reputation? - Yes, I would. People have sacrificed a lot more for a lot less. - We've got him! We have Goliath. - Sir, are you all right, sir? - It's okay, guys. Busted. - POTUS is secure. Of course, the president addressing a joint session of Congress... is always unusual, always an event. This speech is scheduled to begin momentarily. We understand the president has arrived at the U.S. Capitol. I don't care if I never see any of these guys again. SourcesintheWhiteHouse have told us that the president... - It's gonna be okay. - Does intend to withdraw the name of Senator Laine B. Hanson... I still have a year and a half on my term. That's a long time to recover. - Then there's always... - Given the stunning charges made against Governor Hathaway... - Laine, honey, it's gonna be fine. - Those on the inside are suggesting... - It's gonna be okay. - The president will designate... - Ambassador Francis J. Malloy as his number two. - Yeah, thanks. Pace me at five to ten, okay? ... after the greeting of the president of the United States. Mr. Speaker, the president of the United States of America. Thank you. Napoleon once said, when asked to explain the lack of great statesmen in the world... that, "to get power... you need to display absolute pettiness. To exercise power, you need to show true greatness." Such pettiness and such greatness are rarely found in one person. I look upon the events of the past weeks... and I've never come so to grips with that quotation. So, ladies and gentlemen of this Congress... it pains my soul to tell you that you have brought blood and shame under this great dome. Your leadership has raised the stakes of hate to a level... where we can no longer separate the demagogue from the truly inspired. And believe this, there are traitors among us. And I'm not talking about those of you who sided against your party leadership. I'm talking about those of you who were patriots to your party... but traitors to the necessary end result: That of righteousness, the truth... the concept of making the American dream blind to gender. And you know, I am not free of blame. Right from the start I should've come down here... pointed a finger your way... pointed a finger your way... and asked you, "Have you no decency, sir?" Yesterday... I met... Mr. Runyon... you may walk out on me, you may walk out on this body... but you cannot walk out on the will of the American people. Americans are a good people, they're a just people, Mr. Runyon... and they will forgive you, but they will not forget. Hate and ego have no place residing... in what my good friend Laine Hanson calls the chapel of democracy. So, let me make one thing clear. You come at us with whatever weapons that you have in your arsenal... but there is no weapon as powerful... as that of an idea whose time has come. A woman will serve in the highest level of the Executive. Simple as that. Yesterday... I spoke with Laine Hanson. I told her that she could decide her own destiny. If she wanted to continue her fight for confirmation... that I would stand beside her. She has asked me to allow her to step aside. She told me that she wanted my administration to end on a note... of triumph and not controversy. Understand, those of you who worked to bring Laine Hanson down... that she asked to have her name withdrawn from consideration... not because she isn't great, but because she isn't petty. Because those two conflicting leadership traits... could not live as one within her body or her soul. Greatness. It comes in many forms. Sometimes it comes in the form of sacrifice. That's the loneliest form. Now, it turns out that Laine Hanson is a woman... an American of devout principle... and she has inspired me to act alike... and I cannot accept Senator Hanson's withdrawal. And I'm now calling for an immediate vote of confirmation of Laine Hanson. And, Mr. Speaker... I would like to make this a live roll call. I want to see the faces of those of you... who would eliminate the possibility of greatness in American leadership... because of half-truths, lies and innuendoes. I will not be deterred by partisanship. I will not be deterred by misogyny. I will not be deterred by hate. You have now come face-to-face with my will. Confirm my nominee, heal this nation... and let the American people explode into this new millennium... with the exhilaration of being true to the glory of this democracy. Thank you. How's that for a swan song? You're back, Laine. Yeah, I know. ~~ [Female Singer] ~ Whoa, love ~ ~Is a burnin'thing ~ ~And it makes ~ ~ The fiery ring ~ ~Now my wild desire ~ ~I fell into a ring of fire ~ ~I fell into a burning ring of fire ~ ~I went down, down, down and the flames went higher ~ ~Burn, Burn ~ [Birds Chirping] [Man] I bet you've been gettin'a lot of, uh... Churchills, probably Mandela. Some de Gaulles. I'd have to go with, uh... Anwar Sadat. Anwar Sadat? - The former Egyptian president. - Right. No, no. Two years at the paper, I never heard that one. I'd have to say Sadat. Talk about standing up to political and popular pressure. I'd like to think that I had those kind of balls. There's a guy who did not die in vain. He died for peace. Any ideas you'd die for, Governor? Obviously I'd die for this country. - I served, you know, not in Vietnam but Desert Storm. - Right. The Bronze Star. There wasn't a lot of shit to get into there, but I was in it. What I meant was, would you take a bullet... to advance abortion rights, flat taxes, things you've been behind for years? I'd like to think that I'd die for civil rights. - [Tires Screeching] - Jesus! Jesus Christ! What the... Governor! Governor! Governor Hathaway! Christ! What the... Governor! Governor! Jesus! ~~[Garbled Music] ~Ring of fire ~ Yes! No... A car... [Stammering] I'm under a br... ~~[Garbled Music Continues] ~I fell into a ring of fire ~ ~I fell into a burnin'ring of fire ~ ~I went down, down, down and the flames went higher ~~ Somebody's obviously in the car. The governor is in the water. Yes, Governor Hathaway is in the water. You gotta send somebody out... No, no, I want to see the car come out of the water. - Back it up. - Rewind! [Indistinct Chatter] - You okay? - I don't know about this, Fiona. Governor, excuse me. Bottom line. You put your ass on the line out there. This guy from the Post... Paul Smith is his name. He's describing what you did as if you should get the Medal of Honor. That isn't the reality, is it? She died. In the end, that's the reality. There's one reality here, Governor. The people have given you Reagan-like approval numbers. - Last week were in the 50s, today you were at 82. - Look at it this way. That girl died. That's a tragedy. But you did everything you could possibly do to save her. They couldn't save the Alamo, either, but everyone who died there's a hero. - We're at a commercial. You're almost up, okay? - Okay. Show your remorse, but don't be broken. You're a national leader now. Think that way. - Is Bert on our side? - Absolutely. - Three, two, one. - This is it. [Fiona] After this, everything will be on our side. He has long been considered at the top of President Evans's list... to fill the vacancy left by the death of the vice president three weeks ago. But after the heroics that have become the stuff of national legend... Governor Hathaway has become the nation's choice... to take on the post of the heir-apparent to the presidency. - Governor, thank you for joining us. - Thank you, Bert. That's a nasty bit of business, what happened on that river. Nasty. It's a damn shame you were the unlucky bastard in that spot. Six and a half years in the White House, press still hasn't gotten wind of these bastards. Yeah, pretty, uh... pretty heroic, what you tried. Just like everybody's been saying, very, uh... - Pure Audie Murphy. - Thank you, sir. I only wish... If it was me, I don't know if I would've dove in there. Might have. But honestly, I don't know. [Sighs] Well... At least for once, the press is turning one of us into a hero. What was it like? It was... It was cold. Oh, sure, this time of year. You were risking your life saving that woman. - The cold alone could've snapped you like a twig. - It was dark under the water. The headlights were on. So were the interior lights. I could see her face. She was very pretty. Young. -She was terrified. - Wow. It was like she was being buried alive. She looked at me. And then she had this look of helplessness. I, I tried to pull at the door, but, uh... I needed air, you know? I couldn't... No. By the time I got back down to the car, she was dead. Her face was frozen in that look. She carried that look of terror... right into her death. You did more than most men would. I wonder. Look, Jack, it's just not gonna happen. I can't nominate you. I can't put you up. We can't have another Chappaquiddick. - I tried to save her. Kennedy ran away, remember? - You failed. Nobody's saying it was your fault, but you failed. [Evans] It's a bad beef, Jack. You're one of the leaders of this party, a rising star... but you've got a Republican-heavyJudiciary. They're not gonna give a rat's ass about that. They're not gonna care about your years of service or what you've done for education. This would be it. A girl died and... - This administration needs a smooth confirmation. - You let it happen. We had a rocky time over the crime bill. Can't have any more obstacles put in front of us. Well, I appreciate you telling me personally, Mr. President. I'll, uh... I'll support whoever you select, of course. I know that. You're the future of the Democratic Party... and you always will be. Well, there's a boatload of press out there. I don't think you should avoid them. Take it easy, Jack. I don't understand this, Kermit. Six years ago I was the best man for the job, and I'm still the right guy. - I have a great relationship with Runyon... - Listen to me. - Isn't there something we can do about this? - Believe me, I've tried. He's made up his mind. Filling this slot may well be his swan song. Wants to be careful with it. Let's not push it. Why not keep in his good graces? You're a good man, Jack. Want to see the governor out? - Jerry, you want to come in? - Yes, sir. Mr. President, Jerry's here. That was as rough as it comes. Never seen anybody look so defeated. - Yeah, poor son of a bitch. - Mr. President? Saw the governor out there. Looks like he had the shit kicked out of him. If I have any more caffeine, I'll be voting for the flat tax. I got this tea from the Greek ambassador. Go on, sit. Never thought of Greece as a tea-producing country... but, Jesus Christ, if this isn't the tea to end all teas. Well, looks likeJack Hathaway's had a shitty week. So Hathaway, he's out? That's solid? That leaves us with Malloy or Hanson. It's gotta be Hanson. Malloy's out. - Now, Mr. President, I think you know... - It's Hanson. You know how I feel. Hanson may have turncoated our way, but a turncoat's a turncoat. We've had a vacancy for three weeks. The nation's moved from mourning to anxiety. I need a vice president. And I need a person who's gonna reflect my politics. - Fill it with Frank Malloy. - No, no. Malloy's got an inflammation of ambition. He won't be doing his job. He'll be preparing to do mine. He's not even my second choice. If it doesn't work with Hanson, we're gonna go back to Hathaway. - Do you think Hanson's a team player? - Senator Hanson is gonna work. And it's the job of you two to make sure that confirmation gets through. - I need to know I can count on you. - Of course you can. The president and I discussed several issues, including the vice presidency. -[Man] Did the president offer you the position? - I asked him to withdraw my name. -[Phone Ringing] -[Woman Moaning] Don't answer it, please. -[Ringing Continues] -[Man] I gotta get it. It's the red line. [Woman] No, no, no, no. - Hanson here. -[Giggling] Yeah, of course I'll hold. Shh. Quiet. Hello, sir! I'm great, sir, thank you. Yes. -As a matter of fact, we're watching him on C-SPAN now. - No names were discussed. Yes, she is. One second, sir. It's the president. He wants to talk to you. You wanna speak to him? Hello, sir. This is Senator Hanson speaking. Oh, Christ. That's what the prick said to you? "We can't have another Chappaquiddick." No, not Evans. Newman said the thing about Chappaquiddick. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? That doesn't even make any sense, Jack. You weren't some drunk who drove your car... off a bridge and abandoned the whore you were fucking to die. That's what I told them. Not in those words. This is the second time they fucked us over. - Did he say who he was going with? - No. - It's gonna be Malloy. Fucking Frank Malloy. - That's what I'm hearing. Jack, he isn't worthy of... - This isn't happening to me. - You can go. You're gonna take it up the ass. Want to bend over and make their job a little easier? You understand what's going on here? This is it. The whole fucking plan, Jack, everything, was to get to this point. We have one shot at this, and it's gone! And you're gonna mope around like some 12-year-old girl who can't get a date to the dance? "Frank Malloy, that's what I'm hearing." - What would you like me to do? - I'd like you to give a shit. I'd like you to call Shelly Runyon back and get this fucking thing fixed! - Why not? - You've already gone over it. It's done, ancient history. I don't feel reconciled about it yet. [Indistinct Chattering] - I'll think about it. - No, I think it's fine. Okay, I'm not convinced. Thanks. You sure you want to have alcohol on your breath the first time you meet the president? - No, you're right. - No offense. Just wondering. I'm married to the vice president, huh? Whoa, whoa. I haven't been confirmed yet. I haven't even been asked yet. You know what we gotta do pronto? We gotta start working Runyon. - Runyon's gonna be a problem. - Why is Runyon gonna be a problem? - 'Cause he's head ofJudiciary. - But the Senate takes care... Everything but the vice president. Twenty-fifth amendment doesn't specify... who runs the show on that confirmation. Rumor has it that the House has advise and consent on this one. - Runyon lobbied just hard enough to get his committee the gig. - Yeah, I think he did. I know his number-two guy, Ted Baker. We went to college together. I'll phone him. - I'll start pummeling him. - No, no, no. Don't say anything to him yet. - Why? - Let's get it on our own merit for now. You know what? I'm not gonna argue with you. Not only are you right, but you're about to meet the president, and you look great. - Doesn't she look great? - Yeah, she looks great. What do you think, Stevenson? I'd go for the number six, slightly right of center, sir. That's what I was thinking. That's what I was thinking. [Evans] How's your average? - One forty-five last time out, sir. - That's not bad. No! That's what I get for my leftist tendencies. - Senator Hanson and her husband are here. - Bring 'em in. Yes, sir. - I'm gonna need some time with the senator. - Yes, sir. - Senator! - Mr. President. - You remember my husband. - Will Hanson. The McMahon campaign. We tried to steal your husband away. He runs a hell of a campaign. You gave me nightmare visions of having to return to my law practice. - Hi. Jackson Evans. - Lewis Hollis. - What was the first name? - Hollis. - No, Lewis is my first name. - Lewis. Welcome, Lewis. So, have you guys been down here before? - [Together] No. -Johnson, he, uh... built it in '65. Right now some terrorist camp in Libya is being spared a bombing raid... because I'm obsessed with beating my 150 average. - You guys bowl? - Once in a while. What's your average? - Seventy. - I don't have one. Hungry? You want some lunch before we speak? No, thank you, sir. [Evans] I saw this movie once where the president... is just tickled that anything he wants to eat he can get in a moment's notice. Here. Turns out, it's the perk of the century. - Otto? - Yes, Mr. President? Sorry for the late notice. For lunch, could you arrange coq au vin... with a side of penne? -[Otto] Spicy or mild? - Spicy. And, uh... Oh... - Hazelnut pudding for dessert. - No problem, sir. One day I'll catch him napping. - Anyway, how much did we win that one by? - 61 to 33, sir. It's pretty easy getting over things when you win. I guess Sudan is where the press will make its first hay. I think if we announce, the press might have other things on its mind. But you know, Sheldon Runyon and Jack Hathaway have been friends for years. And Runyon is going to come after me with all guns blazing. Senator, why do we have to worry about Shelly Runyon's guns when I control the atomic bomb? We'll introduce you to the Cabinet in one hour. I'll make the announcement then. - That's fine, Mr. President. - That's the wayJerry Ford did it with Rockefeller. I always thought it was pretty damn classy. Have we notified the networks? Oh, yes. All the pundits are in a guessing feeding frenzy. Box of Malomars says they've already anointed Malloy. - You look great, by the way. Just great. - Thank you, sir. Okay, guys, one hour, the Cabinet Room. Off to the races! - Senator, is this what you're gonna wear? - She looks fine. - No, she does. - You look beautiful, Senator. - Thank you. - Very becoming. I think it works. Let me explain how this is gonna work. In a minute, POTUS is gonna come in, make an announcement... - Introduce you to the vice presidential designate. -Jerry. We hear the president's decision is Malloy. Can you confirm this? In ten seconds you're gonna have your answer. So calm down. All right. Then after he's made... Dave. [Whispers] I'm gonna give you guys 20 minutes for questions and answers. So keep them short and, hopefully, sweet. And you can roll starting now. I'll introduce him in five... thousand... four... thousand, three... thousand, two. Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the United States. Welcome. Good afternoon. Please. - Thank you for coming here on such short notice. - Laine Hanson, from Ohio. As I embarked on the task of selecting a vice president... I was driven by the emotion of wanting to make a choice... that would've made Troy Ellard, my friend, proud. Senator Laine Billings Hanson of Ohio is that person. [Toliver] Sherri, you are first. Ms. Hanson, do you feel being a woman played any type of role in the president's decision? Well, I, uh... First I would like to say... what an honor it is to be here before you in this position. And I hope to serve up to the standards which President Evans set for me in that introduction. Thank you so much, sir. To answer your question... - First rate, Mrs. Hanson. - Thank you. I learned a lot from Will. Ah, yes, Will. You, sir, are gonna have to make yourself scarce. - No, of course. I'll give you your privacy. - No, I mean scarce. During the confirmation period, I want you out of sight. - Pardon me? -A wife there behind her husband... is perceived as supportive. A husband following around behind his wife is perceived as a puppeteer. - But I think... - No, honey. I think Mr. Newman's right on. Let Hollis handle the day-to-day... - And I'll be the man behind the curtain. - Where do we go from here? The FBI's gonna have to do an extensive background check. - Director Friend will handle the investigation. - Yes, we made sure of that. Just about every aspect of your life will be uncovered. Your bank accounts, your medical reports. - What am I forgetting? - Correspondence to government agencies, speeches... When Nelson Rockefeller was confirmed, they had over 300 agents working on him. They had a lot more life and cash to investigate, huh? We'll do our own background check in case anything falls through the cracks, to be safe. - At the same time, the House will... Come in. -[Knocking At Door] The House will put together its bipartisan subcommittee... of theJudiciary to interview you and advise and consent to your nomination. Shelly Runyon's running the show there. Cheyenne, Wyoming, you're on with Vice President Designate Laine Hanson. - [Man] Larry, how are you? - I'm fine. Thanks for calling. I just wanted to say to the senator that... all of Cheyenne is with her. We think she's absolutely great for the country and this administration. - Congratulations. - [King] What's the question, sir? I wanted to ask the senator, if she could pick one person from history... to serve as her model for how to behave in office, who would that be? -[Knock At Door] -[King] Good question, Senator. Hey, guys. Nice to see you. -Sorry to barge in on you. - No, no, no, no. I'm just watching your girl. - First female prime ministers? - They were great leaders. Would you put Thatcher in that category? No, I don't think so. - You know what? I would have to say Thomas Jefferson. - [King] A man? -She's something, isn't she? - I don't really know her. We served together a few years ago, and, I guess... we just ended up in different company. - Take a seat. - Congressman, the president asked us to come down here. He'd like to let you know he'd appreciate your support in the senator's confirmation. - Really? - He asked me directly, Shell. But the president didn't consider it important enough to ask me personally? You know it's important. It's the old man's swan song. Putting a woman in office means something to him. Laine Hanson's the absolute best choice. You don't believe that. Come on. You're too smart. Look, I don't mind she's a woman... but I'm not confirming a woman just because she's a woman. Laine Hanson has an extra burden. She's has to come on the world stage with perfect credentials. Margaret Thatcher didn't have perfect credentials. The world respected her. The world accepted Margaret Thatcher because they knew she had to answer to Ronald Reagan. A woman better be pretty damn qualified to have nobody to answer to... and Laine Hanson is not that. Look me in the eyes and tell me... that Laine Hanson is your first choice for the vice presidency. Laine Hanson is my absolute first choice. I'd so want you in my poker game. Country needs a smooth confirmation. The president needs a smooth confirmation. - The country needs a competent vice president. -[Cell Phone Ringing] Excuse me a minute. There's only one person in the world that has that phone number. So who's the second choice? We haven't really settled on anybody yet. Tell me, if Laine Hanson were to be hit by a flying car... who would the president then select? [Sighs] I think the president still likes Jack Hathaway, Congressman. You know... Jack Hathaway, there's a good man... for a Democrat. [Laughs] There's a man I would say would have... a smooth confirmation. - Jack Hathaway? - Smooth as a baby's ass. - He's already taken himself out of it, so... - Right. Right! Well, who the hell knows? Perhaps Lainey will shock the world... by pulling out her brilliance... and erudition at the hearings that none of us know she has. So, Shelly, can we ask for basic fairness? - Fifty-fifty, Democrat and Republican at the hearings? - Of course you can. Congressman! Congressman! Mr. Runyon. Just wanted to steal you for a second. I'm Reg Webster. - Oh, you're one of Stoney's boys? - Uh, no. You staff or intern? Actually I'm a representative. Reginald Webster of Delaware. Oh, fuck me. I'm sorry, Webster. What can I do for you? - I'm running late. - I was hoping I could grab your attention for a second. - What's the skinny? - Well, uh... - I'm late, Mr. Webster. - I understand a chair's opened up in the committee... and I'd like to put my name forward. I believe you'll find me industrious and hardworking. TheJudiciary's for senior members. Wheeling was in for five terms before we let him in. My hands are tied. There's nothing I can do. Shelly, I've been trying to reach you for five days. - I left you 3 2 messages. - Well, leave me a 33rd. - Where you from? - Delaware. Oh, yeah, you were... You knocked Emory Bettis out. Emory used to be in the Thursday night game. He was always good for a few hundred bucks. I guess he ran his campaign like he played poker. I take it you have a predisposition. - About the confirmation, I mean. - No. Actually, I'm 100% objective. - Mmm. Do you have a dictionary, Mr. Webster? - Yeah. Take a Magic Marker, cross out the word "objectivity." Your constituents want you for your opinions, your philosophy... for your subjectivity. Laver has to duck out of the way of that one. One that Laver can't get. He's still trying to recover. And he zings another powerful forehand past Laver. See that, Tim-Tim? Know what we call that? - We call that topspin. You know how we get topspin? - Uh-huh. - Yeah? Tell me. - 'Cause BabyJesus made topspin. What? - BabyJesus gave it topspin. - Jesus? Ah! Why do you say that? - Because BabyJesus made everything. - Yeah? Who told you that? Miss Moyer in kindergarten, and Mommy says... - I have to listen Miss Moyer. - Wow, this is news to me. I gave up my career trying to strike that nonsense out of the public school system. Maybe I ought to put him in public school, then. Remember what I told you about moving your grip down... - And to the left? - Uh-huh. - Go see if Dad's found his bathing suit yet. - Gimme a hug. Yeah. Thanks, champ. - They are paid to teach, not... - To preach. I know, but he's six years old, and he also believes in the tooth fairy... - And that George Washington never told a lie. - Well, it drives me crazy. - Mary, wanna turn the ball machine off? - Yes, Mr. Governor. Thanks for seeing me, Dad. - Why wouldn't I see you? - Partisanship. I gotta love at least one Democrat. You know, Dad, I'm getting some reports that you might not be ready to back me. That you're opposed to my confirmation... - You've heard quotes? - No, I haven't heard. Just that we should expect to be reading of your opposition. Pardon my Swahili, but you're being led a line of pure bullshit. - I haven't said a word. - Maybe it's just that. Maybe you've been quiet. - I hate the press. - I know, Dad. - When I left the mansion, I swore I would never talk to them. - I remember. - I suppose you're gonna force my hand on this, huh? - You wouldn't have to say much. - Just a little something. - Okay, okay. I, uh... I'll call back Joe Glynn at the Times. He's okay. He'll write it up well. I once leaked him some shit about Buchanan. Damn near won him the Pulitzer. - Thanks, Dad. - Sure. Thanks. What would you do, or have done, in my case? Well, when your president asks you to jump... it's hard not to jump, that's for sure. But you remember what Ben Franklin said about the vice presidency. What did he say? I didn't talk to him this week. He said he ought to be addressed as "Your Superfluous Excellency." In the past ten years, I've enjoyed the kind of power the vice presidency can't offer. Why would anybody want to give that up? Am I crazy? Baby, power is where power goes. - Think you can beat me? - Uh, yeah. Okay. Hey, Tony! Foul! Can't trust those fuckin' people. Speaking of which, Mr. Webster, it turns out you're a Democrat. I, uh, wasn't keeping it a secret. Sad to say, I don't think I can bring you aboard the committee, son. Ray Spies makes all the decisions regarding the other party. - It's a courtesy. - But not a requirement. - It's not, that's true. - If Ray Spies interviewed me... he'd refuse to put me on the committee even for a minute... because he'd find out that when it comes to Laine Hanson... I went to my dictionary and crossed off the word "objectivity." Are you suggesting Mrs. Hanson may not be your first choice for vice president? I'm suggesting that Laine Hanson has stricken our party with policies and attitudes... that are best served across the aisle from where she came. I take it, like most members of your party... your selection would be Governor Hathaway. Governor Hathaway's a great man. He's a visionary, a bona fide hero. - But he withdrew his name from consideration. - Minds can be changed. - How much discretion can I count on from you? - A hundred percent, sir. - Even from your own leadership? - I said a hundred percent. Good. Good man. Good man. I think if I make the rounds, do the Sunday morning talk shows... raise the level of the game a bit, outtalk her on the issues... Issues? What kind of fucking campaigns are they running in Virginia? Not the kind I'm used to. Jack, this whole thing with the girl drowning... It's bullshit! - I was there, Shelly. The president told me himself. - It's an excuse. Jackson Evans has chosen to make putting a woman in office his swan song. Laine Hanson is the only reasonable choice in your party. He's not going with Boxer. She's too liberal. He's not going with Jones because she's older than he is. - There's Winslet. - She's not coming off the Supreme Court. Laine Hanson is attractive. She's a looker. The mere fact that she was a Republican means that she can't be too far to the left. It's a perfect pedigree. We can't get you in by convincing him you're the right man for the job. We have to convince him that she's wrong. Once we do that, you're in. And Toliver, he's as much as told me... I'm not going for a low blow. It's not my way. You won't have to. We have to go after her. We have to make her wade in her own blood. - Who did you say you were? - I'm Makerowitz. - Makerowitz. - I'm sorry. That doesn't mean much to me. - Web got somebody... - A friend of the Hathaway campaign. Who is footing the not-too-unimpressive bill of Mr. Makerowitz. Private citizen wants to do their own investigation... What exactly are you trying to find out? Campaign irregularities, bribes? - Isn't that the FBI's responsibility? - Yes, it is. But the FBI would not find anything. All of her money is tied up in blind trusts. The kind of improprieties you're talking about, I think that only helps her. Personally, I think the nation would be relieved to know that just because she's a woman... -it doesn't mean she can't be as ruthless as the rest of us. - Governor? You ever stabbed a man in the navel? You? Me? No, I haven't. Stab a man in the navel, and that's all she wrote. Bleeding is so swift and severe, it wouldn't matter ifJesus put His healing hand on the wound... the bastard is dead. We have to gut the bitch in the belly. We all have to understand, we're going to obliterate her life... but it will get you the vice presidency. - Hey, Dog! - Lewis, how you doin'? - Wow, that's a plate of food! - [Laughs] You didn't have to dress up for me. I had to accompany the senator to the Gridiron Lunch. lfJohn Q. Public could see the money that the knuckleheads that run this country... spend on these lunches, there would be a second revolution. I'm telling you, there is some money spent on these stupid lunches. - What is this? - It's the reason you're here. You can't let anybody know where you got this from. If Runyon found out I gave this to you... he'd fire me, and I don't want him as an enemy. That's Lainey Hanson getting gang-banged. Looks like something out of Hustler. [Sighs] That's her for sure. I know it's hard to tell with her... her face in someone's crotch... but that's her, man. Why are you showing me this? I will not be party to an ambush. Why are you showing me this, Ted? Okay. I want out of Runyon's office. And I thought maybe you could get me on staff... This is the best you could come up with? This shit? This is shit. Read the deposition of the LaVamere lady. [Woman's Voice] She was putting on a sex show. - How long did this go on for? - It was hours. - How many hours? - Three or four. [Man] Which one? Three or four? [Woman] Three, I guess. In her defense, she was drunk. To be honest, once she finished fucking and sucking those two assholes... she was carried into another room, and boys were going in and out of there... but I don't know if she was fucking them. When she came out, she was covered in cum. It was awful. Excuse me, Counselor. I, um... - May I? - Of course. Just to clarify, why exactly was Mrs. Laine Hanson... Strike that. Laine Billings involved in this, uh... appalling and disgusting behavior? - That's... That's what's important. - Exactly. Thank you. It's great to see you guys. - [Applauding, Cheering] - There you go. Thank you so much for your support. Thank you. Thank you. - Hey. - Hey, Madam Senator. - How you doing? - I'm okay. I wish you'd heard the speech. That line you gave me about... "If we can put a man on the moon, then why can't we put all men on the moon?" It was perfect. It really broke the ice. - Great audience for that, huh? - Yeah, it was great. - [Sighs] - What's goin' on? Uh... well, it looks like Runyon or somebody close to him... has been running a little private investigation... looking for stuff that the Feds wouldn't even touch. - It's, um... - Yeah? What is it? What... [Phone Ringing] - He doesn't know anything about it. - You're asking me to step down? I'm asking you to do what's in the best interest of the party... and this president. Well, I'm sorry. I can't do it, not over this. He's not going to allow me or himself... to get shot down over what would've been a private sexual encounter. - Some swan song for the old man, huh? - It's fuckin' awful. The senator got a little wild when she was 19. What is the big deal? Let me explain the big deal to you. The people of this nation can stomach quite a bit. But one thing they can't stomach is the image of a vice president with a mouthful of cock. You don't have to use... Look. Let's use the word "alleged. " They got photos! They got witnesses! They got the "alleged" slut... Hey! Let me tell you something. I'm her husband first. I don't tolerate talk like that. - Will, calm down. - You better get used to it, Will. Especially when not even your wife will defend herself. Give me something, Laine. Anything. Hell, just deny it. Why don't you just deny it? It is simply beneath my dignity. Dignity! Right. We'll just have to make this all not worthwhile for Mr. Runyon. What have you got on the distinguished gentleman from Illinois? Some pretty good stuff. - S.E.C. investigation, 1985. - You got stocks? I want something embarrassing! Something sexual! Little boys, midgets, that sort of thing. - Cows! I don't give a goddamn! - Come on, Kermit. If we do that, we're no better than he is. We are no better than he is. There's nothing there. He got married when he was 2 1. There's no evidence he ever cheated on his wife. Too bad we're not running in France. We could really nail him on that one. When do you have your lunch with him? With Shelly Runyon? I'm not having lunch with him. Friday, 1:00. It's scheduled tomorrow. It's automatic. He's committee chairman. It was set up. S.O.P. - Laine. - Shelly. I'm sorry I started. You were late. - I'm not too late, I hope. - A minute or two. - Were you tied up with anything? - No, sorry. I'm just late. - Hi, Clem. You too. - Senator, nice to see you. - I ordered you the porterhouse. - No, I don't eat meat. - I'll have the penne. - You should really... Mmm. - Try the steak. Ask Hugo to burn it on the outside. - No, thank you. I really don't eat meat. I'll just go ahead with the penne. - Spicy? - Yes, please. Thanks. So, how are... Will and the boy? Let's forego the small talk today, Shelly. - It'll make me feel cheap. - Let the big talk begin. Have you seen this? That's my... That's my file on you, Senator. - Mm-hmm. - How did you get it? Have you read it yet? How did you get it? Have you read it? - What do you have to say for yourself? - With all due respect... um, Senator... - It doesn't matter what I have to say for myself. - Oh, it doesn't? It seems to me, Mr. Chairman, all you can claim about me... claim, is that I had sex... - Deviant sex. - Who says it was deviant? I do. And what I say, the people will believe. And you know why? Because I'll have a very big microphone in front of me. Wow, you must really hate me, Shelly. I don't hate you. It's not possible to hate you. You're... What the hell was it that Reynolds called you the other day? Groovy. You're a groovy chick. No, what I, um, do detest is your selfishness. I have served this nation without regard for personal income for over ten years. You are selfish because you want to take on a job that positions you to assume... a mantle of gigantic responsibility... and you do it full well with the knowledge... Of what? What? Greatness is the orphan of urgency, Laine. Greatness only emerges when we need it most... in times of war or calamity. I can't ask somebody to be a Kennedy or a Lincoln. They were men created by their times. What I can ask for is the promise of greatness. And that, Madam Senator... you don't have. Well, then... I just wouldn't be using sex as leverage... if I were you, Sheldon. Because there's one thing you don't want. It's a woman with her finger on the button who isn't getting laid. Will that be the argument the senator offers up before the committee? [Laughing] Sir? Can I get you something to drink? - Uh, no, I'm fine. Thank you. - You sure? No, great. Thanks a lot. - Ah, Mr. Webster. - Mr. President. - Good to see you. - It's an honor, sir. - I've been meaning to have you up here for some time. - Really? Excuse me. Willie? Thank you, Willie. Yeah, you betcha. You unseated that old bastard Bettis. He must've voted against me 70 percent of the time. You know what this is? That's a shark steak sandwich. Fucking shark steak. - You want half? - Uh, no, thank you. - Are you a vegan? Had lunch? - No. Uh... So you choose not to break bread with the president of the United States? [Laughs] Thank you. When I was in the Senate, Bettis could always be counted to leave half a grand at the poker table. Always stayed in, never folded. Always wanted that miracle card. - That's good, isn't it? - Mm-hmm. Now, Truman, he was a poker player. Damn fine one, as I understand it. Son, I understand you may be making a mess of our plans... to put Laine Hanson into the vice president mansion. Right now, sir, I cannot see supporting Laine Hanson. - How old are you? - Me, I'm 28. And at that age and experience, you think you're the one to sit and judge Mrs. Hanson? Well, that's the whole point, isn't it? I am, sir. Mr. Webster, I'm asking you to lay off... as a personal favor. It's one thing to break ranks and vote against my candidate... but to actively attack her from the bench, that's another. Mr. President, I just don't believe in Laine Hanson... especially when we have at our disposal Governor Hathaway. He's a party loyalist and genuine hero. And I cannot and shall not vote for a candidate simply because she's a woman. I am nothing if I do not follow my heart, sir. I envy you. I do. You know why? Because someday, years from now, you're gonna come in here with your family... and you're gonna look up at my painting... and you'll be able to say to them, your kids and grandkids... "Way back then I defied my president. It cost me my reelection, kept me out of politics forever. I was on the track to maybe one day end up here... destined to make the kind of changes in this country... that only great men, given the right time and place, can make... and I have none of that now, but that's okay... because I did what was in my heart." The heart, it can never be wrong, can it, Mr. Webster? Mmm. Delicious. You got a little... Hi. I'm Jack Hathaway. How are you? Hi, sir. Um... Ow. I'm Special Agent Willomina. Sure is good of you to meet me. It's a pleasure. How can I help you? I know you're busy, so this will be as routine as it gets. - Did my girl offer you coffee or something to drink? - Oh, yes, she did. She was very nice, your girl. Yes, she is. She's very nice. So like I said, I just want to cross a couple oft's, little stuff. It's all just part of the process. By the way, sir, I was real impressed with your graciousness... - On the whole Senator Hanson thing. - Oh? You know, in supporting her. Real gracious. Well, as you know, I withdrew my name from consideration. Right. Right. And I think she's a real fine choice. Anybody that knows her knows that. How long have you known her? - Oh, well, actually, I don't really... - I'm sorry. When you said, "Anybody that knows her"... - I know people who know her. - Uh-huh. - I'm happy to give you their names, if you'd like. - Great. I don't really know her, but I've seen her several times at functions... and, uh, I think she'll do a real good job. Sir, can I just say that... I was really hoping you'd go for the position... especially after what happened on the Apachaway. I think people would think, in the back of their minds... "This here's a guy who takes risks when the right thing's at stake." - Lifesaver? - No, thanks. Anyway, some real bad luck, your being right there. Not if I'd been able to save her. No, no, in the crabbing area. It's just that you were fishing for bass, so... - That probably explains why we didn't catch anything. -[Laughing] You fish in the Apachaway a lot, so I thought that you would know that, but... I don't fish a lot. - I thought your equipment was pretty sophisticated, but... - There's a difference... between wanting to fish and having time to fish. Tell me about it. -And he freed the slaves and won the Civil War. - That's right! He was probably our greatest president. - Even greater than George Washington? - It's a running debate. - Laine Hanson. - Oh, Mr. President. And you must be one Timothy Hanson. - Timothy Muskie Hanson. - [Chuckles] Well, Timothy Muskie Hanson, how would you like a great big cookie? Any kind. - No, thank you. -Any kind at all. Oatmeal, white chocolate... Actually, we just had dinner, but thanks. In that case, shall we have our picture taken, young man? Hmm? - How do I look? - Your tie's a little crooked. Well, can't take a picture like that. Will you straighten it for me? Your mommy tells me you know more about the presidents than most grown-ups. - I like to study them. - Mmm! Me too. I think we're ready for business, Dennis. - Sir. - You must be very proud of your mom. Yeah, being the vice president is better than being the president. Oh, I'm sure you're right. 'Cause nobody wants to shoot the vice president. So, you must be feeling pretty excited about now. Please sit. - Hmm? - Well, I think I'm a little nervous. Well, good! Good. Night before a confirmation hearing. Anything else, I would've withdrawn your name. - What about this Webster, sir? - Ah, one second. Anybody here hungry? - No, thanks. - No, sir, I'm not. Thanks. Otto, could you whip up some Kung Pao chicken, but with walnuts? [Otto Over Intercom] No problem, sir. Ah, the kid. Met him. You know this young congressman, Webster? No, sir, I don't. No matter. He reminds me of me when I was his age. That's bad. K, you need to put out word that no matter what this kid does... nobody's to give him a hard time. He's misguided, but he's got something. And one day, who knows? All right, sir. I'm sure the senator can handle Mr. Webster. There is one concern we need to... [Evans] Oh, right, concern. Laine? K told me about your little sexual romp in college. Shit. Tomorrow is the 17 th. - Glenda? - [Woman] Yes, sir? Tomorrow is Jacobson's birthday. Have you got something for the son of a bitch? Yes, sir. You got him a leather-bound Don Quixote. Oh, good. Good gift. Metaphorical gift. He'll be trying to figure out why I got him that forever. Ah, were you married at the time? Uh, I was a freshman in... You know, sir, I'm just not going to comment on the whole thing. It's beneath me and it's beneath the press. That's the way to go. Fuck the press. Senator Hanson does not kiss and tell. - It's perfect. - Maybe I was too rough on Shelly in Hartford. Then this would all be moot, 'cause you wouldn't be president, sir. You know what? Married, unmarried, One guy, two guys, the whole football team. Who the fuck cares? You just look those bastards in the eye and tell them exactly that. These guys, they're gonna confirm you. But they want to embarrass you in the process. They want to send you into this administration as a virus. So you have only one choice. - Yes, sir? - Don't... be embarrassed. [Runyon] Two hours, gentlemen. It is now up to us to light the spark... which will result in a moral uprising, so that we may have... a new birth of national honesty... and decency. And sometimes in this process... you will question even yourselves. And that's good, that's healthy. For what are we if we are not what we believe? Laine Hanson... is a cancer. A cancer of liberalism. A cancer of disloyalty. Her nomination itself is the cancer of affirmative action. What we will sing with voices stentorian... is that she is the cancer of virtuous decay. Clausewitz said that war is the natural extension of politics. But politics is also the extension of war. They are one and the same. In this war, there will be casualties. But so help me God... not among us. [Reporter] Senator, could we have a word? [Chattering] The president canceled his golf game with me. - He always cancels his golf game. Don't worry about it. - Not with me. - Kermit, can I talk to you a second? - We'll talk later. [Hollis] They're home, they're watching, they're proud. -[Gavel Banging] - Lewis, this is it. Thank you. Order. Order. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Sheldon B. Runyon from the great state of Illinois. It is my privilege and my honor... to serve as the chairman of these special hearings. We are here today for only the third time in our history... to ensure the proper implementation of the 25th amendment... and for the first time... the House has taken on that responsibility. Myself and my esteemed colleagues are determined... to ensure that this very important matter be handled with... expedition and dignity. We are proud to welcome our friend and colleague, Laine Hanson. Madam Senator, I welcome you. Thank you, Mr... . Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Will the "gentlelady"from Ohio please rise and raise your right hand? Madam Senator, do you swear to tell the truth... the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God? - I do. - Please be seated. Mr. Chairman, point of order. The Chair recognizes Mr. Webster of Delaware. Mr. Chairman, I direct your attention to page 16... tab C-25 of the ledger, a transcript of the Q-and-A session... between the nominee and several students from Harvard University. - Page 16? - Page 16 at the bottom of the page. You'll see the following remarks in reference to a question... regarding the separation of church and state. The nominee said, and I quote, "The separation exists... because we cannot have a fairy tale govern a nation." What, sir, is the point? The senator just swore an oath to an entity she does not believe in. Madam Senator, you understand... that you have promised to be truthful to this committee? -And that lying to this body is perjury, punishable by law? - Yes, I do understand that. Well, I think we're all agreed... that even though the senator has shown a disdain... for religion and those practicing it... which is her constitutional right... that does not necessarily, Mr. Webster, make her a liar. I'm confident we can proceed. - Madam? - Yes? For the record, would you state your name and address? Yes. My name is Laine Hanson. My address is... [Woman] You can just do that, pull phone records? [Willomina] I work for a pretty powerful guy. [Woman] Yeah, we're close, we were close for a while. That's till recently, of course. Our career paths sort of went in different directions. At least you have your life. There's nothing sinister going on here. At this point, we just need... to look at every aspect of her life and find everyone that knew her. You never know what you're gonna find. - Did you find anything? - No, no, not really. Not really? You mean... A little bit, actually. I did speak to other classmates, and they told me she was pretty wild. Wild? Yeah, she was wild. Wild enough you can be sure the tabloids are gonna have a field day. Have you spoken to them? Um, me? No. But somebody somewhere's gonna talk. - But not you. - Uh-uh, no. - It's okay if you have. We're not gonna lock you up. - No, I haven't. So no one like, maybe, the National Enquirer... or one of those silly television programs... - That show, um... Access... - Confidential? No, no, no. I don't know anything. The last time I talked to her it was just, "The kid this, the kid that." According to our records, you spoke to her on the 15th. - Three weeks ago? - Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. I... She was going to Vegas. Oh, is that right? Vegas? She asked me to go along with her. It was gonna be her treat. I couldn't go because I had to work. We were gonna stay at one of those ritzy new places. The, um, Bellage...? - The Bellagio? Right. - Yeah. - With the contortionist. - I've never been. You've been going through my desk. It never crossed my mind when I was a younger woman... that I'd be this age and not have kids. Somehow in my mind, kids. Raising them, making them good people. That's what I wanted. Then I met you, and I realized that I'd be... trading my dreams so that we could live yours. We sacrificed all of that so we could do good. We have done good. I was never prouder when you fought to make hate crimes a capital and federal offense. You stood so tall, defying the world, and you won. It was then that I realized that all of our sacrifices were not in vain... that you were a good man. And now, everything you have ever achieved will be eliminated... because, with this horrible filth... you'll go down as a second-rateJoe McCarthy. Your problem, Shelly, is that you have no sense of history. She's no good. [Laine Indistinct Over TV] Come on! Come on. See, Daphne? This is how you get to the top. Lew? Lew? [Runyon] I have an issue to speak of, and I'm most gravely concerned. If this body will indulge me, I have before me... a perfect example of the need for this institution... to pass the Internet Libel Protection Act. In the Nichols Report piece... posted to 40 million Internet subscribers... it is claimed that you, Senator... were involved in a sexual imbroglio while in college. That is... trading favors... with several partners in exchange for entry into a sorority. Though I will not waste the committee's time with such... nefarious and sleazy innuendoes... I will not deny the senator her right to respond. Mr. Chairman, I have nothing to... I will not respond to this article. I say "Bravo"to you, Senator. Bravo to you. First let me state... that I encourage every American... and every citizen on this planet to boycott... the Nichols Report. This is the type of filth and degenerate pornography... that should not see the light of day. I can only assume, Senator, that you will... not only bring suit against the perpetrators of... but also against the remarkable look-alike who appears in these disgusting photos. And when you do file suit, know that it comes with my full support. Your refusal to deny this report of sexual deviance... will not have an effect on this committee... on whether or not it votes to advise and consent to your nomination. Mr. President, do you have a comment on the allegations made on the Internet today? I'm not gonna discuss any allegations, especially those on the Internet. But, sir, the sexual allegations were made very public today by Congressman Runyon. - And I'm sure he quite regrets that. - [Everyone Chuckling] Sir, if you agree with the allegations, or agree the allegations are accurate... do you think that Senator Hanson is morally fit to take office? I'll tell you what. I'm sure that President Mateo and I... would both welcome the votes of only those people... with sexual indiscretions in their past. We'd be landslide victors every time. Hey, Sheila. - They've been waiting for you for about ten minutes. - Okay. Hey. - Henry, I gotta talk to you in five minutes, okay? - Okay. [Chattering] How about "Her involvement in prostitution"? No, no. You gotta couch it like it's something... for the FB... the AG to investigate. - Hi, Reggie. - Hi. Well, how about, "How embarrassing it is... - That the..." No, no, no. - Who... - What? - Where's Gilmore? - Gilmore. - Um, Idaho? Iowa? Can I interrupt for one second? We're all set with America Live. What are you guys talking about? We're just going over our statement... in response to The Washington Post story. - What story? - The one that says the secret investigation is ongoing... to determine whether she accepted money... for her activities in college. I didn't hear about this. Well, it's, uh... It's, um... It'll be in... tomorrow afternoon's edition. Just in time for the congressman to make his statement... and just in time for it to stick in the minds of Americans over the weekend. Wh... What's the source? Where'd they get the story? - Unnamed sources close to the investigation. - I see. Al. - Al! - Yes? We can, um... Let's... Let's dot the I's, cross the T's on this one later. All right, thank you. I, uh... I think I have some self-righteous indignation coming my way. Well, is there any truth whatsoever to the story? - There will be an investigation. - She's gonna have the truth on her side. - She's gonna deny it and make us all look like fools. - Let her. Let her deny just that part of the story. - Hold here. - What? Oh. That's all right. I can do that myself. Yeah. Thank you. -America Live is not in the circus business. - Pete's always fair. [Laine] Should I hear anything in this? You're gonna be vice president. - You'll talk about legitimate issues of concern. - Right. Where is the senator's monitor? There is no monitor for her. She'll hear Pete in the earpiece. That is a piece of shit. We talked about this, Ray. If Peter's gonna be able to see her, she has to be able to see him. - He's got a sensory advantage over her. - You wanna pull her? I'm not talking about pulling her. I'm just saying it's bullshit. She was just great in the hearings today. Cool and collected. - Steve Poullet. - Hi. [Chattering] Should I hear anything? Oh, I got it. Okay, great. Oh, it's that one. Yeah, I know. Can't hear... Yeah, right, got it. Okay, I've got the intro now. Thank you for having me, Peter. Sure, that'd be fine. Well, it has been a taxing experience... but if we're forced to take the voters out of the equation... I think that the vetting system by simple necessity must be arduous. Mmm. I have to plead motherhood on that one, Pete... but I not only served on the Foreign Relations Committee... I sponsored the Hanson-Fineman Bill which readjusted the War Powers Act... to allow the executive to respond to state-sponsored terrorism... like that of Iraq, Libya, North Korea, for instance. But rather than boring you with my résumé... I'd rather answer your questions on specific issues of foreign policy. I suppose I could ask you, Mr. Crenshaw, how you'd feel in the same situation. Why would I answer that for you? Sorry. It's simply a privacy issue. Look, I won't address issues of sexuality in a hearing room... or on national television or anywhere else for that matter. - Where's the control room for America Live? - Down the hall. Excuse me. The control room for America Live? - Where is the fucking control room? - Right down there. Fuck! Down here, down here, down here! Don't tell me we're gettin' sandbagged! We're getting sandbagged! I knew you couldn't trust this fucking guy! Senator Hanson, do you recognize Mr. Poullet? Un, no. I don't have a monitor, so I can't see him. [Poullet] The truth is, Lainey and I had that one incident. I don't believe we ever saw each other again after that. To her credit, she was very drunk when she had sex... with my friends, uh, my brothers and I. A sandbag is what it is. He's fucking your friend. He has obviously infiltrated your show. Mrs. Hanson, you still have not taken a stand on the accuracy of this report. It's very accurate, and those photos are accurate too. We had them on the frat house bulletin board for months. We called that "Life in the Sex Laine." - What are we gonna do now? - We're gonna sue him. I will not dignify those remarks or your questions with a response. Good evening. The guy's a jerk. We're never gonna put our people on that show again. Some asshole called in and made this idiot claim. Hell, they've gotta investigate. The whole situation's a son of a bitch. I would like to start by saying... that much has been made of the reports in the press of an investigation... into the possible... possible, I say again... criminal behavior on the part of the nominee. This committee will wait for a report from the FBI... before taking this matter up. However, I'll once again afford the nominee an opportunity to respond. I, too, will wait for the FBI report before responding. Madam Senator. Tell us a little bit about your family. You have a son. Mm-hmm. Yes, I have one six-year-old boy, Timothy. That's a very nice age. Now, I see here that when you... had Timothy, you were absent from your duty... for a few months' maternity leave. - It's the right of every mother to be able to take maternity... - Paid maternity leave. Yes. I don't believe we should penalize our citizens for having children. I think I'm on safe ground saying that valuing motherhood is quite nonpartisan. - [Gallery Chuckling] - Um, were you to get pregnant again... do you plan to take maternity leave? Um, I've not given that any consideration. No? Are you still able to bear children? Yes, I am... I believe, yes, I am. Yet you have not given this matter any consideration. Perhaps that means... No, strike that. Madam Senator... let us assume you ascended to the presidency... and you were to have a child during your term. Would you cede your duties to your vice president and for how long? Mr. Chairman, would the chair expect to have the designate assure this committee... that she would have her tubes tied before she assume office? - Mr. Chairman, I humbly request a point of order. - You will be afforded one. - With all due respect... - You will be afforded one when I am finished. The truth is that while we have not put a seal on the concept of having another child... my husband and I practice birth control. Mm-hmm. Okay, I would now like to... enter the arena of loyalty. Loyalty is a revered quality among vice presidents. Would you agree? - Yes, very much so. Yes. - Yet you chose to officially move... from the Republican to the Democratic party when you left the House to run for the Senate. I view switching parties as a testament to my loyalty to my country. I felt that the Republican party had shifted from the ideals that I cherished through my youth. As a Republican, did you ever... vote along party lines but against your own beliefs? No, never. - You still believe in every vote you made? - Yes. - Including your vote to impeach President Clinton? - Yes, I do. That was an issue of fairness. The president, as commander in chief, stood by... while several military officers, including candidates for the chairman of theJoint Chiefs... were prosecuted for adultery or were not permitted... to advance their careers. I am opposed to making adultery, or even lying about it, a crime in our armed forces. But while it is a law, it should be enforced without consideration of rank... even if that rank is commander in chief. Perhaps the senator is unaware that commander in chief is not actually a military rank. I am aware of that. What I think we can say of President Clinton is that he was not guilty but responsible. [Gallery Laughing] "Not guilty but responsible." I am... I like that. [Laughing] I, uh, l-I may, uh... I may use that. - If you wish, you can go ahead. - Thank you. When... [Clears Throat] When considering you for the vice presidency... we must also consider your worthiness as commander in chief. - Would you agree? - Yes, I do. In that case, given your feelings on the matter... have you ever committed adultery? - No, I have not. - No? You're quite sure? Madam Senator, you understand that, uh, you are under oath. Yes, I understand that, between the two of us, I'm the one that's under oath. When you guys go before the Antitrust Committee, don't you want Hank on your side? Sure, but not at any price. Last time we spoke, you were sitting where you are now. Hank was sitting where Len is. You started telling him what a shame it would be... if the refrigeration systems on the trucks went out. Hank's a hothead, and he took that as a threat. If we were threatening him, he'd know it. That's what I thought, but now we have some massaging to do. Hank's gotta be treated with kid gloves. -Senator Hanson? Congressman Webster's here to see you. - Sorry. Yep? - Guess we got our ten minutes. - Okay, send him in. No, I want to resolve this. I do. Just give me a few minutes. If you want something to drink, Jerry will take care of you. - We're gonna get back into this? - We will. We will. Senator, you want me to sit in? Make sure the congressman's clear on everything? We'll be fine. Won't we, Mr. Webster? We'll be all right. Thanks. Proud of yourself? So, what can I do for you, Mr. Webster? I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here. I think you're here because you want to know why I'm not fighting back. Because despite it all, you've got some odd sense of fair play. You're kicking my ass. It's gone from feeling like easy pickings to out-and-out bullying. I feel like there should be some back and forth between us, you and the committee. I'll give you back and forth on Social Security, relations with Israel... on the Dow Jones, the census, almost everything, but not this. No, not my personal life. It's just nobody's business. That's not what the people will tell you; the people will tell you it is their business... that you're setting standards of morality for their children. Especially their girls. Have you ever heard of Isaac Lamm? - Isaac Lamm? No. - He was the first one to come before HUAC... the House Un-American Activities Committee. He was also the first one to name names, first to cooperate with the government. The dominoes fell from there. Careers crushed, families destroyed. Just imagine, Mr. Webster, if Mr. Lamm had just said, "Fuck you," to the committee. Imagine how much harder he would've made it for them. Are you accusing the committee of sexual McCarthyism? Well, it's not necessary to make the accusation. Oh, I just can't respond to the committee's lightly veiled accusations... because it's not okay for them to be made. Or maybe you can't respond because the answers you have to give are too embarrassing. You know what? You're young. That's okay. That's okay. You're young. I'm gonna choose to be amused by your naïïveté, give you the benefit of the doubt. I'm gonna spell it out for you even more clearly. If I were a man, nobody would care... how many sexual partners I had in college. And if it's not relevant for a man, it's not relevant for a woman. Jerry, send the folks back in, please. I gotta finish this up. [Mrs. Runyon] He's not a bad man. He believes in what he's doing. There's an odd sort of integrity there. But in this business, with so much at stake... it's not enough to believe in yourself, you have to be right. This is an ideological rape of all women. - Timmy, that's a little too high. - Okay, Mommy. Thank you, sweetie. Well, then I'll survive it for all of us. Tomorrow morning Congressman Marshall is gonna ask you questions. He's going to hit you with abortion. I promise you that Shelly will find some way to call you a baby killer. We're ready for him. Our position papers are first-rate. - Every one of them. - You let him finish. Then you look him in the eye and you ask him... "Mr. Runyon, 20 years ago your wife Maggie had an abortion. Do you think her a murderer?" He's a hypocrite. No, he's not. Shelly has no idea. Are you saying you would appoint a Supreme Court justice... based on his being pro-choice? Mr. Marshall, the vice president does not appoint Supreme Court justices. Should you succeed the president or even advise the president? I would be inclined, though not without flexibility... to disregard any man or woman who is pro-life from serving on the High Court. So you would allow a personal political belief to enter into such a decision? Abortion isn't a constitutional issue. The fine ladies and gentlemen who serve on the Supreme Court... which is now stacked with right-wing appointees... have no business deciding whether women have to resort to back-alley abortions... You mean they have no business deciding whether women have a license to commit murder. [Runyon] Mr. Marshall, your time has expired. Sir, if the distinguished "gentlelady" from Ohio would answer the question... I think the lady has made clear her propensity for abortion. - Come on, Mr. Runyon! - Mr. Lewis, you do not have speaking privileges. Mr. Chairman, I find your term, "propensity for abortion"... misrepresentative of my position. I have a propensity for a woman's right to choose. - To abort a child! -A fetus. To kill a baby as it grows in the womb. Personally, Senator... I do not believe that it is the right of our citizens... to... to butcher a defenseless human being simply... simply as a matter of choice. At the risk of my own future, I tell you this: If you support the right... of a woman to choose, you are supporting... nothing less than a-a-a holocaust of the unborn. Mr. Chairman, are you calling me... I believe my position on this issue is clear. Yes, madam, it most certainly is. God, I love this game. [Chuckles] [Coughing] When she tries to tell me how to do it, I do it my way. Then she comes back and changes it afterwards, and that way... Jeez. [Coughing] Good one, sir. You're an all-weather golfer, I see. What kind of stick you using there? - It's a putting stick. - Right, putting stick. When I asked for you last week, they said you were in Vegas. - Business, sir. - Vegas is business? I did blow a roll of quarters. Will you excuse us? - How's that cough doing? - Aah. That's her casino account balance. She offered to take her sorority sister to Vegas, her treat. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God? I do. Please state your name for the record. Cynthia C-H-A-R-L-T-O-N Lee. Thank you. Please be seated. We will start the questioning with Mr. Skakle. Mr. Skakle, the five-minute rule is in effect. Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Miss Lee. Miss Lee, hello. I'm over here. Thank you for joining us. Now, you are under subpoena, is that correct? Yes. - Miss Lee, could you speak directly into the mike? - Yes. I understand you're nervous, but believe me when I tell you you're among friends. Miss Lee, you are not married. No... No. - No, I'm not. - But you once were. I was married to William Hanson. - Who is now married to the nominee. - Yes. He married Laine after our divorce. It was about seven years ago. Divorce. Right. I've read your divorce papers. Ladies and gentlemen, that by the way is tab 76. They cite irreconcilable differences. Could you tell us, what were those irreconcilable differences? I can't really pinpoint them. - Was your husband physically violent to you? - No. Did you have financial disagreements or disagreements over how to raise your kids? We didn't have children. - Were there infidelities? - Yes. There was one. Is it safe to say that this infidelity precipitated the divorce? Miss Lee, please answer the question verbally. Was that a yes? Yes, it was. It was a yes. - Did you, ma'am, have the affair? - No. - It was your husband then? - Yes. Will... Will was in charge... of Laine Billings's first senatorial campaign. He was with her all the time. Are you suggesting the senator, the nominee, had an affair with your husband? - Once again, Miss Lee... - I'm sorry. Yes. Yes, yes. Thank you. Did the nominee know Mr. Hanson was married? Laine was my friend. My good, good friend. Miss Lee, would you explain to this committee as you did in your deposition... how you discovered that the nominee was involved... in an affair with your husband? Yes. Um... On the night of the elections, I was at home. I had the flu. I was watching TV, watching Laine about to make her acceptance speech. I was very sad that I couldn't be there. It was a triumph for Laine and my husband. She was up at the podium. Will was by her side. He was holding her hand in victory. On the other side of Laine... she was just sort of clasping that person's hand. But with Will... their hands were interlaced. It was odd that I noticed it, but... Um, my doorbell rang. I answered the door, and there was a gentleman there... dressed very nicely, he had a yellow tie on. He had papers for me. - Papers? I'm sorry. - Separation papers. Since the committee chose to humiliate a private woman in the most public possible setting... I would like to apologize to her alike... and I will also do so privately when she allows me to do so. Um, what I did to Miss Lee was wrong. It was not done out of malice. Indeed the opposite. Um... Iove is an involuntary reflex, and I fell victim to it. Um, I deeply regret causing Cynthia pain... and it is especially saddening for me because... of how close we once were. And whether or not the affair that Will and I had... should have any bearing on my assuming office is for the committee to decide. I dare not assume that I have the objective wisdom to make that determination. Thank you. - Senator, are you suggesting the public... - Okay, she's had a long day. You know what she's going through. Come on, come on. You know what she's going through. Come on, come on. She was your best friend. Runyon deposed Will's ex-wife today, and, uh... she stated that Will and I had had an affair... She saw her fucking holding hands, interlocked fingers with this gal... and she knew that she'd been fucking him. That's what she said. - I'm sorry. -[Newman] It's a bad beat. I'm not sure that I get the point of all this. - You said under oath that you never committed adultery. - That's right. - You perjured yourself. - I didn't commit adultery. - You were fucking Will when he was married. - All right. Even the most loose definition of committing adultery would not include that. Goddamn it, she's right. You're right. In order for it to be committing adultery, she'd have to be married at the time. You're nitpicking in reverse now. Your husband may have been an adulterer. You're not. Fine. What you are is a sex-crazed, home-wrecking machine. The female Warren Beatty. Runyon knows that you're clean of the perjury... but he's got the world thinking you're something out of a bad soap opera. You've goddamned crystallized the difference between being guilty and being responsible. Are you asking me to step down, sir? No, it's not gonna be that easy for you, and it's not gonna be that easy for them. They caught you being a human being. That's all. I'll die before Shelly Runyon checkmates me. I think the president's trying to say the Sitting Bull routine isn't working. - The Sitting Bull routine? - No! Fight back. Show them Laine Hanson isn't gonna take their shit. Take the fight out of'em. - What's the process? - Confess. - Confess? - Yeah, confess. - Confess. Confess to the gang-bang. Confess to all of it. -[Evans] Look what it did for Clinton with Flowers. - Play it any way you want. It didn't hurt his numbers. It improved his numbers. Show indignation about how a man would never have to go through hell for having done this. Confess and demonstrate to the young women of America... how such sexual impropriety can ruin their lives. Confess and preach about the dangers that alcohol can bring to you. For God's sakes, just confess! I understand, Kermit, truly. I understand, and you know what? It's really nobody's business. Well, it is our fucking business! Listen, Laine... I don't care who you fucked... and how many times in how many positions... as long as it doesn't threaten the administration. You can be cavalier on your own dime. Mr. President. [Sighs] I am fully prepared to step down... but my personal life... and my past... are just that. But I will do whatever you say. Show them why Laine Hanson is my nominee with your closing statement. Mr. Chairman... ladies and gentlemen of the committee: Uh, remarkably enough, it seems that I have some explaining to do. So... let me be absolutely clear. I stand for a woman's right to choose. I stand for the elimination of the death penalty. I stand for a strong and growing armed forces... because we must stomp out genocide on this planet... and I believe that that is a cause worth dying for. I stand for seeing every gun taken out of every home. Period. I stand for making the selling of cigarettes to our youth a federal offense. I stand for term limits and campaign reform. And, Mr. Chairman, I stand for the separation of church and state... and the reason that I stand for that is the same reason that I believe our forefathers did. It is not there to protect religion from the grasp of government... but to protect our government from the grasp of religious fanaticism. I may be an atheist... but that does not mean I do not go to church; I do go to church. The church I go to is the one that emancipated the slaves... that gave women the right to vote. It gave us every freedom that we hold dear. My church is this very chapel of democracy that we sit in together... and I do not need God to tell me what are my moral absolutes. I need my heart, my brain and this church. Get in there, get in there. Oh, shoot! Come on, come on, come on! - Senator? Oh... - Hello, Freshman. Senator, I just wanted to steal a couple of seconds. What? See what whores do on their time off? Listen, I know the things I've done. They may not have been nice or considered politically savvy... but they have served the greater good and they have been honest. [Chuckles] Okay. Look, I know you're not a whore. - I'm not gonna talk about it. - I know. You're not talking about it. Somebody else has come forward. Somebody else from the night of the incident sent me this letter. They didn't send it to me. They sent it to the committee. I just happen to be in charge of all the correspondence. I don't think you can keep quiet about what's in there. Mr. Runyon has a copy, and now so do you. I beg you, Senator, to deal with this. - How long is this flight? - About an hour and 40 minutes. POTUS is scheduled to address the American Legion on the third. - American Legion? Who approved that? - I don't know. - I thought he had the D.A.R. dinner that night. - We have a five-hour window. - Hey, Chuck. - Hey, Kermit. Did you get the AP reports? - What's that? - POTUS's poll numbers are down 23%. - And Hanson's in the low 30s. - Get in there. I'll talk to you in a minute. - Are you Willomina? - Yes, sir. You asked to see me? - Is this your handiwork? - Yes, sir. - How many people have seen this? - I gave it only to the director. - And who have you talked to about this? - Nobody. Not a husband? Boyfriend? - Grandma in Kalamazoo? - No, sir. Nobody. - Keep it that way. - Yes, sir. You did a good job, Special Agent. Sir! Uh, sir, I just... I just wanted to ask, ask you. Um, well... Are you gonna dump her? Sir, this may be really, really inappropriate... but if that's what you guys are thinking... Please, you can't do it. She's hope. Hope that the standards... That there is no double standard. Hope that the goals can be the same. You know what? You're goddamn right. That was absolutely inappropriate. Robertson. [Runyon] I wouldn't take it too hard. It's not exactly fair when six foxes and one chicken... are voting on what to have for dinner. [Evans] Well, that's not playing fair. I'll give you that. You want an oatmeal cookie? - Trevor? - I'm getting them, sir. I find these giant raisins... Well, you'll see. Taste like grapes. Shelly, you really made a mess of things for me. You sure did clobber me. Isn't it possible, sir, that I was... that I was acting... - In the best interests of the United States? - No. It's not possible. That's what pisses me off. It's all about retribution for Hartford. Thank you, Trevor. That'll be all. - Go ahead. Try this. It's wonderful. - No. I may have taken the presidency from you, but you one-upped me. You took away my legacy. I look at her and I see someone who has proven the capacity for disloyalty. Or the capacity for seeing the light. We're both sticking to our guns. The difference is... mine are loaded. Look, it doesn't matter, does it? She's not being confirmed. We can talk for days about greatness and leadership... but Laine Hanson will not be confirmed. I have seven from your side who are giving her the ax. Oh, indeed, the ax? We can go through the process of a vote. You can waste time... and suffer the humiliation, or... or we can just move on. - There's a lot of good folk to choose from. - Who? Who can I be certain you'll confirm? The man you wanted in the first place: Jack Hathaway. Shelly. Good man. Okay, Shelly... I'll give you GovernorJack Hathaway, but I wanna make damn sure... -you'll give him a smooth ride. - My word. There's a reason they call me Honest Shell. Irony, Shelly. I want an insurance policy. I want a piece of the rock. I wanna make sure... you're not gonna pull some kind of baloney out of your hat... and make a mockery of my administration again. Listen. This is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna ask Mrs. Hanson and Mr. Hathaway up to the Oval Office... before the D.A.R. banquet tomorrow night. I want you there as well, but, Shelly... before then, I need you to marry yourself to this guy. I need you to make a public statement that makes his sinking your sinking. - Otherwise... - But I'm not sure I can... Let's make this confirmation fast and furious. - Help me save face on this one. - Okay. Oh, man. Mr. Runyon, prefer I take you around back? - No, I'll be fine. - Yes, sir. How do you respond to the rumors that Mrs. Hanson has withdrawn her name? That is a rumor I've not yet heard. Have you heard about the possibility of Governor Hathaway... - Returning to the list of vice presidential... - Governor Hathaway is a fine man. Will he have a smoother ride than Mrs. Hanson? Let me go on record as saying... that in my opinion there is no man alive... no Democrat alive... who could bring... more integrity to the office of the vice presidency. I would stake my career... on Governor Hathaway's, uh, smooth and efficient confirmation. [Runyon] As for Laine Hanson... - Got everybody, Glenda? - Yes, sir. He says you can go in whenever you're ready. - Great. Hello, Jack. - Kermit. - Fiona, you're looking particularly fetching this evening. - Thank you, sir. - I believe this is the first one of these affairs for you, right? - Yes. - My 37 th. - You look great. - Hello, Shelly. - Newman. Everybody would understand if you wanted to delay for two weeks. I'm not sure I could stomach another two weeks. Oh, Jack. - Jerry. Good. - How are you? Mr. Hanson. -[Evans] Gentlemen. Jack. - Mr. President. There he is! Shelly! Hello, Mr. President. Uh, you know what? Before we get started... I can't stomach the idea... of touching that chichi food we always get served at these state dinners. - Glenda? - Yes, sir? Could we put together a grilled cheese sandwich? Muenster on rye. Right away. Oh, sorry. Where are my manners? You guys want anything? - No, thank you, sir. - Shelly? Jesus, uh, Shell, those were some... very nice things you said aboutJack. Jack, there. I understand that you two have never met. - Laine Hanson, Jack Hathaway. - It's a pleasure. - I'm quite in awe of you. - Thank you. [Glenda] Mr. President? - Yes, Glenda? -Sir, the kitchen's all out of Muenster. Really? Wow. Well, um, let's get on that. We don't want the wheels coming off the wagon. This is, uh... This is quite an event. Here we are. Quite a sad event. - Mr. President, if I may? - Yes, please. A short while ago, you told me that you thought I might be the future of the party. I know that these are tough times... and the future is uncertain... but I'm very pleased to think that I might be able to help make things a little smoother. The future, yes. Well, there is one thing... quite certain about the future. - What's that? - [Coughs] Sir? - You have the right to remain silent... - Fred. - I have to read him his rights. - Fred, the governor, he knows his rights. You know your rights, right, Jack? You don't have to humiliate him. You fucked up, buddy. - The girl, do you know what she was? - What girl? - The girl in the river. - She was a paralegal. - Before that. - She was military. Fourteen Golf. We found the money that you put in her account at the Bellagio. - Two hundred thousand dollars. - And that ad in... - Soldier of Fortune. - Yeah, Soldier of Fortune. I don't mind confessing, I am at a total fucking loss. Shelly, he paid her to go off the fucking bridge. He paid her to save her. Jesus Christ. - Shelly, maybe I... - You shouldn't say anything. - Jack, look, we respect... - You're going to have to come with me now. Fred. We respect you. We're trying to make this go as smoothly as it possibly can. I know you meant no harm. - Hell, I don't even know... What would the charge be? - Negligent homicide. Oh, negligent homicide. Sir. - Good luck, Mrs. Hanson. - You too. Who doesn't want a shortcut to greatness? Oh, it's a goddamn shame about the Muenster. Mr. President. Yeah, Shelly? You set me up. Just this once. For the record, sir... I find what you did to be manipulative... Mr. Chairman, let's just say... "I'm guilty but not responsible," hmm? Shelly, you needn't worry about us exposing the fact... that you leaked all that horrible material about Laine on the Internet. We know that you were just following your heart. Yeah, Hartford, it was a tough one. But... Well, it doesn't make a difference. - She still is who she is. - Yes, she is. And you are who you are. You're still coming to the banquet, aren't you? Because I'd love to see you. Is your wife in town? May I introduce tonight's honoree, Miss Barr? - Congressman Webster. - Honor, madam. And, Congressman, you know the senator, of course. We go about two feet back. I asked them to have you seated at my table tonight. - If you want to break bread with me. - Absolutely. - Don't eat all the hors d'oeuvres. - Shark steak sandwiches? Yeah. Save me some. Last time I shared one of these, it was with the president of Russia. Or maybe it was the kid who won Wimbledon for the second time. I'm honored, sir. [Coughing] You're not supposed to inhale. Maybe that's the first thing you should've told me. Recognize this affidavit? Where'd you get that, sir? Where you got yours. Where Shelly Runyon got his. From Mr. Webster. He may not know his right from his left... but apparently he does know right from wrong. I understand you even less now, Senator. - You are an enigma wrapped in a riddle. - Wrapped in a riddle. Watch your step, Senator. What if I told you that I'm just busting at the seams... to know what exactly happened that night... to hear the truth from your own lips? Totally off the record. Not between the president and the senator, but between the president and Laine. Better than that. Between Jackson and Laine. Well, I had just turned 18 when I got to college... and I had never been away from home, not really. And I was immediately... I was immediately lonely. And that's when the sorority kicked in. I wanted them, they wanted me. I was the daughter of the governor, for chrissake. - True blue catch. - I guess so. And like any other sorority, they have an initiation, a rush. And they have this girl, this woman that Runyon deposed, Patty LaVamere. She runs the sorority, and she gives it to me straight: If I wanna be in, I have to go to their brother fraternity and have sex... with two boys. What a coup for them, huh? Daughter of a big-time Republican doing a frat house? But I say, "There's no chance." - The whole thing was pretty hairy. - I bet. But six beers later, I'm talking a different tune... so off we go to the frat house. Half the girls were there, about a zillion boys. They're cheering my name. "Laine! Laine! Laine!" And I'm just stumbling around. Eventually I just say, "I'm gonna go for it." If getting laid is a common initiation for boys in the frat... then why not for us, right? - You're asking me? - No, I'm not. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Go ahead. That's okay. So they send me into this room. It's dark and dim. There are these two guys. They both have towels wrapped around their waists. And the first guy, he slips his towel off. And I see his thing, and... I take it in my hand... and I say... - It was the first thing that came into my head. - What did you say? I said, "I'm sorry, I don't smoke." [Both Laughing] And then I just got the hell out of there. You okay, sir? Oh, no, I'm just thinking what I'd pay to be back in college again. The next day, the campus was rampant with word... that I had been the center of a gang-bang. I mean, the governor's daughter. Let me tell you. That's one hell of a bell to un-ring. - What about the photographs? - Not me. I never took my clothes off. Even if I had, I've got this big birthmark on my right thigh... that the lady with the lovely physique in the photo lacks. - No witnesses? - Pure urban legend. A little bit of wishful thinking thrown in, I think. You know, Laine... you could've looked those pricks in the eye and told them the truth. Under oath. Told them they were full of shit. And barring that, you could've at least told me. But see, it really wasn't any of your business either, and it still isn't. There's something about almost puking on a Havana... that just turns a girl... to blush. This letter from Jack Bennet... and Larry Bellows, affidavit, I guess, that you got from Webster. It pretty much says that nothing happened that night. - They're ready to come forward to be deposed. - That's very good of them. So, that's it. The end. Good guys win. I'm gonna call a press conference tomorrow, read that letter... and damn it if you don't have the fastest confirmation on record. No, sir. "No, sir"? What, "No, sir"? I would prefer that we not have the press conference, sir. Laine, maybe you've been out of law school too long. - This is what they call exculpatory evidence. - Yes, I realize that. - This is your ticket to wherever history is gonna take you. - Yes. But principles only mean something if you stick by them when they're inconvenient. If I ever did answer the questions... you know, even to exonerate myself... that would mean that it was okay for them to have been asked in the first place... and it isn't. - You would sacrifice your reputation? - Yes, I would. People have sacrificed a lot more for a lot less. [People Chattering] - We've got him! We have Goliath. - Sir, are you all right, sir? - It's okay, guys. Busted. - POTUS is secure. [Radio Announcer] Of course, the president addressing a joint session of Congress... is always unusual, always an event. This speech is scheduled to begin momentarily. We understand the president has arrived at the U.S. Capitol. [Laine] I don't care if I never see any of these guys again. [Radio] Sources in the White House have told us that the president... - It's gonna be okay. - Does intend to withdraw the name of Senator Laine B. Hanson... I still have a year and a half on my term. That's a long time to recover. - Then there's always... - Given the stunning charges made against Governor Hathaway... - Laine, honey, it's gonna be fine. - Those on the inside are suggesting... - It's gonna be okay. - The president will designate... -Ambassador Francis J. Malloy as his number two. - Yeah, thanks. Pace me at five to ten, okay? [Radio Announcer] ... after the greeting of the president of the United States. Mr. Speaker, the president of the United States of America. Thank you. Napoleon once said, when asked to explain the lack of great statesmen in the world... that, "to get power... you need to display absolute pettiness. To exercise power, you need to show true greatness." Such pettiness and such greatness are rarely found in one person. I look upon the events of the past weeks... and I've never come so to grips with that quotation. So, ladies and gentlemen of this Congress... it pains my soul to tell you that you have brought blood and shame under this great dome. Your leadership has raised the stakes of hate to a level... where we can no longer separate the demagogue from the truly inspired. And believe this, there are traitors among us. And I'm not talking about those of you who sided against your party leadership. I'm talking about those of you who were patriots to your party... but traitors to the necessary end result: that of righteousness, the truth... the concept of making the American dream blind to gender. And you know, I am not free of blame. Right from the start I should've come down here... pointed a finger your way... pointed a finger your way... and asked you, "Have you no decency, sir?" Yesterday... I met... Mr. Runyon... you may walk out on me, you may walk out on this body... but you cannot walk out on the will of the American people. Americans are a good people, they're a just people, Mr. Runyon... and they will forgive you, but they will not forget. Hate and ego have no place residing... in what my good friend Laine Hanson calls the chapel of democracy. So, let me make one thing clear. You come at us with whatever weapons that you have in your arsenal... but there is no weapon as powerful... as that of an idea whose time has come. A woman will serve in the highest level of the Executive. Simple as that. Yesterday... I spoke with Laine Hanson. I told her that she could decide her own destiny. If she wanted to continue her fight for confirmation... that I would stand beside her. She has asked me to allow her to step aside. She told me that she wanted my administration to end on a note... of triumph and not controversy. Understand, those of you who worked to bring Laine Hanson down... that she asked to have her name withdrawn from consideration... not because she isn't great, but because she isn't petty. Because those two conflicting leadership traits... could not live as one within her body or her soul. Greatness. It comes in many forms. Sometimes it comes in the form of sacrifice. That's the loneliest form. Now, it turns out that Laine Hanson is a woman... an American of devout principle... and she has inspired me to act alike... and I cannot accept Senator Hanson's withdrawal. And I'm now calling for an immediate vote of confirmation of Laine Hanson. And, Mr. Speaker... I would like to make this a live roll call. I want to see the faces of those of you... who would eliminate the possibility of greatness in American leadership... because of half-truths, lies and innuendoes. I will not be deterred by partisanship. I will not be deterred by misogyny. I will not be deterred by hate. You have now come face-to-face with my will. Confirm my nominee, heal this nation... and let the American people explode into this new millennium... with the exhilaration of being true to the glory of this democracy. Thank you. How's that for a swan song? You're back, Laine. Yeah, I know. [Birds Chirping] [Man]Ibetyou've been gettin 'a lot of, uh... Churchills, probably Mandela. Some de Gaulles. I'd have to go with, uh... Anwar Sadat. Anwar Sadat? - The formerEgyptianpresident. - Right. No, no. Twoyears at thepaper, Ineverheard that one. I'd have to say Sadat. Talk about standing up to political and popular pressure. I'd like to think that I had those kind of balls. There's a guy who did not die in vain. He died for peace. Any ideas you'd die for, Governor? Obviously I'd die for this country. - I served, you know, not in Vietnam but Desert Storm. - Right. The Bronze Star. There wasn't a lot ofshit to get into there, but I was in it. What I meant was, would you take a bullet... to advance abortion rights, flat taxes, thingsyou've been behindforyears? I'd like to think that I'd die for civil rights. - [Tires Screeching] -Jesus! Jesus Christ! What the-- Governor! Governor! Governor Hathaway! Christ! What the-- Governor! Governor! Jesus! Yes! No- - A car-- [ Stammering ] I'm under a br-- Somebody's obviously in the car. Thegovernoris in the water. Yes, GovernorHathaway is in the water. Yougotta send somebody out-- No, no, I want to see the car come out ofthe water. - Back it up. - Rewind! [ I ndistinct Chatter ] - You okay? - I don't know about this, Fiona. Governor, excuse me. Bottom line. You put your ass on the line out there. This guy from the Post-- Paul Smith is his name. He's describing what you did as if you should get the Medal of Honor. That isn't the reality, is it? She died. I n the end, that's the reality. There's one reality here, Governor. Thepeople have givenyou Reagan-like approvalnumbers. - Last week were in the 50s, todayyou were at 82. - Look at it this way. That girl died. That's a tragedy. But you did everything you could possibly do to save her. They couldn't save the Alamo, either, but everyone who died there's a hero. - We're at a commercial. You're almost up, okay? - Okay. Show your remorse, but don't be broken. You're a national leader now. Think that way. - Is Bert on our side? - Absolutely. - Three, two, one. - This is it. [Fiona]After this, everything will be on ourside. He has long been considered at the top of President Evans's list... to fii ll the vacancy left by the death ofthe vice president three weeks ago. But after the heroics that have become the stuff of national legend... Governor Hathaway has become the nation's choice... to take on the post of the heir-apparent to the presidency. - Governor, thankyou forjoining us. - Thankyou, Bert. That's a nasty bit ofbusiness, whathappenedon thatriver. Nasty. It's a damnshameyou were the unlucky bastardin thatspot. Six and a halfyears in the White House, press still hasn't gotten wind ofthese bastards. Yeah, pretty, uh... pretty heroic, whatyou tried. J ust like everybody's been saying, very, uh-- - Pure Audie Murphy. - Thankyou, sir. I only wish-- If it was me, I don't know if I would've dove in there. Might have. But honestly, I don't know. [ Sighs ] Well-- At least for once, the press is turning one of us into a hero. What was it like? It was-- It was cold. Oh, sure, this time ofyear. You were risking your life saving that woman. - The cold alone could've snapped you like a twig. - It was dark under the water. The headlights were on. So were the interior lights. I could see her face. She was very pretty. Young. - She was terrifiied. - Wow. It was like she was being buried alive. She lookedatme. And then she had this look of helplessness. I, I tried to pull at the door, but, uh... I needed air, you know? I couldn't-- No. By the time Igotback down to the car, she was dead. Her face was frozen in that look. She carried that look ofterror... rightinto herdeath. You did more than most men would. I wonder. Look,Jack, it's just not gonna happen. I can't nominate you. I can'tputyou up. We can'thave another Chappaquiddick. - I tried to save her. Kennedy ran away, remember? - You failed. Nobody's saying it was your fa ult, but you fa iled. [Evans] It's a badbeef,Jack. You're one ofthe leaders ofthis party, a rising star... but you've got a Republican-heavyJ udiciary. They're not gonna give a rat's ass about that. They're not gonna care about youryears ofservice or what you've done for education. This would be it. A girl died and-- - This administration needs a smooth confii rmation. - You let it happen. We had a rocky time over the crime bill. Can'thave any more obstacles putin front ofus. Well, I appreciate you telling me personally, Mr. President. I'll, uh-- I'll support whoeveryou select, ofcourse. I know that. You're the future ofthe Democratic Party... and you always will be. Well, there's a boatload of press out there. I don't think you should avoid them. Take it easy,Jack. I don't understand this, Kermit. Six years ago I was the best man for thejob, and I'm still the right guy. - I have a great relationship with Runyon-- - Listen to me. - Isn't there something we can do about this? - Believe me, I've tried. He's made up his mind. Filling this slot may well be his swan song. Wants to be careful with it. Let's not push it. Why not keep in his good graces? You're a good man,Jack. Want to see the governor out? -Jerry, you want to come in? - Yes, sir. Mr. President, Jerry's here. That was as rough as it comes. Never seen anybody look so defeated. - Yeah, poor son ofa bitch. - Mr. President? Saw the governor out there. Looks like he had the shit kicked out of him. If I have any more caffeine, I'll be voting for the fat tax. I got this tea from the Greek ambassador. Go on, sit. Never thought ofGreece as a tea-producing country... but,Jesus Christ, ifthis isn't the tea to end all teas. Well, looks likeJack Hathaway's had a shitty week. So Hathaway, he's out? That's solid? That leaves us with Malloy or Hanson. It's gotta be Hanson. Malloy's out. - Now, Mr. President, I thinkyou know-- - It's Hanson. You know how I feel. Hanson may have turncoated our way, but a turncoat's a turncoat. We've had a vacancy for three weeks. The nation's moved from mourning to anxiety. I need a vice president. And I need a person who's gonna refect my politics. - Fill it with Frank Malloy. - No, no. Malloy's got an infammation ofambition. He won't be doing his job. He'll be preparing to do mine. He's not even my second choice. If it doesn't work with Hanson, we're gonna go back to Hathaway. - Do you think Hanson's a team player? - Senator Hanson is gonna work. And it's thejob ofyou two to make sure that confii rmation gets through. - I need to know I can count on you. - Ofcourse you can. The president and I discussed several issues, including the vice presidency. -[Man]Did thepresident offeryou theposition? - I asked him to withdraw my name. -[Phone Ringing] -[Woman Moaning] Don'tanswerit, please. -[Ringing Continues] -[Man]Igotta getit. It's the redline. [Woman] No, no, no, no. - Hanson here. -[Giggling] Yeah, ofcourse I'll hold. Shh. Quiet. Hello, sir! I'm great, sir, thankyou. Yes. -As a matteroffact, we 're watching him on C-SPANnow. - No names were discussed. Yes, she is. One second, sir. It's the president. He wants to talk to you. You wanna speak to him? Hello, sir. This is Senator Hanson speaking. Oh, Christ. That's what the prick said to you? "We can't have another Chappaquiddick." No, not Evans. Newman said the thing about Chappaquiddick. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? That doesn't even make any sense,Jack. You weren't some drunk who drove your car... offa bridge andabandonedthe whore you were fucking to die. That's what I told them. Not in those words. This is the second time they fucked us over. - Did he say who he was going with? - No. - It's gonna be Malloy. Fucking Frank Malloy. - That's what I'm hearing. Jack, he isn't worthy of-- - This isn't happening to me. - You can go. You're gonna take it up the ass. Want to bend over and make theirjob a little easier? You understand what's going on here? This is it. The whole fucking plan,Jack, everything, was to get to this point. We have one shot at this, and it's gone! And you're gonna mope around like some 1 2-year-old girl who can't get a date to the dance? "Frank Malloy, that's what I'm hearing." - What would you like me to do? - I'd like you to give a shit. I'd like you to call Shelly Runyon back and get this fucking thing fiixed! - Why not? - You've already gone over it. It's done, ancient history. I don't feel reconciled about it yet. [ I ndistinct Chattering ] - I'll think about it. - No, I think it's fii ne. Okay, I'm not convinced. Thanks. You sure you want to have alcohol on your breath the fii rst time you meet the president? - No, you're right. - No offense.Just wondering. I'm married to the vice president, huh? Whoa, whoa. I haven't been confii rmed yet. I haven't even been asked yet. You know what we gotta do pronto? We gotta start working Runyon. - Runyon's gonna be a problem. - Why is Runyongonna be aproblem? - 'Cause he's headofJudiciary. - But the Senate takes care-- Everything but the vicepresident. Twenty-fiifth amendment doesn'tspecify... who runs theshow on that confiirmation. Rumor has it that the House has advise and consent on this one. - Runyon lobbiedjusthard enough togethis committee thegig. - Yeah, I think he did. I know his number-two guy, Ted Baker. We went to college together. I'll phone him. - I'll start pummeling him. - No, no, no. Don't say anything to him yet. - Why? - Let's get it on our own merit for now. You know what? I'm not gonna argue with you. Not only are you right, but you're about to meet the president, and you look great. - Doesn'tshe lookgreat? - Yeah, she looks great. What do you think, Stevenson? I'd go for the number six, slightly right ofcenter, sir. That's what I was thinking. That's what I was thinking. [Evans] How'syour average? - One forty-fiive last time out, sir. - That's not bad. No! That's what I get for my leftist tendencies. - Senator Hanson and her husband are here. - Bring 'em in. Yes, sir. - I'm gonna need some time with the senator. - Yes, sir. - Senator! - Mr. President. - You remember my husband. - Will Hanson. The McMahon campaign. We tried to steal your husband away. He runs a hell ofa campaign. You gave me nightmare visions of having to return to my law practice. - Hi.Jackson Evans. - Lewis Hollis. - What was the fii rst name? - Hollis. - No, Lewis is my fil rst name. - Lewis. Welcome, Lewis. So, have you guys been down here before? - [ Together ] No. -Johnson, he, uh... built it in '65. Right now some terrorist camp in Libya is being spared a bombing raid... because I'm obsessed with beating my 1 50 average. - You guys bowl? - Once in a while. What's your average? - Seventy. - I don't have one. Hungry? You want some lunch before we speak? No, thankyou, sir. [Evans]Isaw this movie once where thepresident... is just tickled that anything he wants to eat he can get in a moment's notice. Here. Turns out, it's the perk ofthe century. - Otto? - Yes, Mr. President? Sorry for the late notice. For lunch, could you arrange coq au vin... with a side of penne? -[Otto]Spicy ormild? - Spicy. And, uh- - Oh... - hazelnut pudding for dessert. - Noproblem, sir. One day I'll catch him napping. - Anyway, how much did we win that one by? - 61 to 33, sir. It's pretty easy getting over things when you win. I guess Sudan is where the press will make its fii rst hay. I think ifwe announce, the press might have other things on its mind. But you know, Sheldon Runyon andJack Hathaway have been friends foryears. And Runyon is going to come after me with all guns blazing. Senator, why do we have to worry about Shelly Runyon's guns when I control the atomic bomb? We'll introduce you to the Cabinet in one hour. I'll make the announcement then. - That's fii ne, Mr. President. - That's the wayJerry Ford did it with Rockefeller. I always thought it was pretty damn classy. Have we notifii ed the networks? Oh, yes. All the pundits are in a guessing feeding frenzy. Box of Malomars says they've already anointed Malloy. -You look great, by the way.J ust great. -Thankyou, sir. Okay, guys, one hour, the Cabinet Room. Offto the races! - Senator, is this what you're gonna wear? - She looks fii ne. - No, she does. - You look beautiful, Senator. - Thankyou. - Very becoming. I think it works. Let me explain how this is gonna work. I n a minute, POTUS is gonna come in, make an announcement... - introduce you to the vice presidential designate. -Jerry. We hear the president's decision is Malloy. Can you confii rm this? I n ten seconds you're gonna have your answer. So calm down. All right. Then after he's made-- Dave. [ Whispers ] I'm gonna give you guys 20 minutes for questions and answers. So keep them short and, hopefully, sweet. And you can roll starting now. I'll introduce him in fiive... thousand... four... thousand, three... thousand, two. Ladies and gentlemen, the president ofthe United States. Welcome. Good afternoon. Please. - Thankyou for coming here on such short notice. - Laine Hanson, from Ohio. As I embarked on the task ofselecting a vice president... I was driven by the emotion ofwanting to make a choice... that would've made Troy Ellard, my friend, proud. Senator Laine Billings Hanson ofOhio is that person. [Toliver] Sherri, youare fiirst. Ms. Hanson, doyou feelbeing a womanplayedany type ofrole in thepresident's decision? Well, I, uh-- First I would like to say... what an honor it is to be here before you in this position. And I hope to serve up to the standards which President Evans set for me in that introduction. Thankyou so much, sir. To answeryour question-- - First rate, Mrs. Hanson. - Thankyou. I learned a lot from Will. Ah, yes, Will. You, sir, are gonna have to make yourselfscarce. - No, ofcourse. I'll give you your privacy. - No, I mean scarce. During the confii rmation period, I want you out ofsight. - Pardon me? -A wife there behindherhusband... is perceived as supportive. A husband following around behind his wife is perceived as a puppeteer. - But I think-- - No, honey. I think Mr. Newman's right on. Let Hollis handle the day-to-day... -and I'll be the man behind the curtain. -Where do we go from here? The FBI's gonna have to do an extensive backgroundcheck. - Director Friend will handle the investigation. - Yes, we made sure ofthat. Justabout every aspect ofyour life will be uncovered. Your bank accounts, your medical reports. - What am I forgetting? - Correspondence to governmentagencies, speeches-- When Nelson Rockefeller was confii rmed, they had over 300 agents working on him. They had a lot more life and cash to investigate, huh? We 'll do our own background check in case anything falls through the cracks, to besafe. - At the same time, the House will- - Come in. -[KnockingAt Door] The House will put together its bipartisan subcommittee... oftheJ udiciary to interview you and advise and consent to your nomination. Shelly Runyon's running the show there. Cheyenne, Wyoming, you're on with Vice President Designate Laine Hanson. - [ Man ] Larry, how are you? - I'm fii ne. Thanks for calling. I just wanted to say to the senator that... all ofCheyenne is with her. We think she's absolutely great for the country and this administration. - Congratulations. - [ King ] What's the question, sir? I wantedto ask thesenator, ifshe couldpick oneperson from history... toserve as hermodelforhow to behave in office, who would thatbe? -[Knock At Door] -[King]Goodquestion, Senator. Hey, guys. Nice toseeyou. - Sorry to barge in onyou. - No, no, no, no. I'm just watching your girl. - First female prime ministers? - They were great leaders. Would you put Thatcher in that category? No, I don't think so. - You know what? I would have to say ThomasJefferson. - [ King ] A man? - She's something, isn'tshe? - I don't really know her. We served together a few years ago, and, I guess... wejust ended up in different company. - Take a seat. - Congressman, thepresident askedus to come down here. He 'dlike to letyouknow he'dappreciateyoursupport in thesenator's confiirmation. - Really? - He askedme directly, Shell. But the president didn't consider it important enough to ask me personally? Youknowit's important. It's the oldman's swansong. Putting a woman in office means something to him. Laine Hanson's the absolute best choice. You don't believe that. Come on. You're too smart. Look, I don't mind she's a woman... but I'm not confii rming a woman just because she's a woman. Laine Hanson has an extra burden. She's has to come on the world stage with perfect credentials. Margaret Thatcher didn't have perfect credentials. The world respected her. The world accepted Margaret Thatcher because they knew she had to answer to Ronald Reagan. A woman better be pretty damn qualifii ed to have nobody to answer to... and Laine Hanson is not that. Look me in the eyes and tell me... that Laine Hanson is your fil rst choice for the vice presidency. Laine Hanson is my absolute fii rst choice. I'd so want you in my poker game. Country needs a smooth confii rmation. The president needs a smooth confii rmation. - The country needs a competent vice president. -[Cell Phone Ringing] Excuse me a minute. There's only one person in the world that has that phone number. So who's the second choice? We haven't really settled on anybodyyet. Tell me, if Laine Hanson were to be hit by a fying car... who would the president then select? [ Sighs ] I think the president still likesJack Hathaway, Congressman. Youknow... Jack Hathaway, there's a good man... for a Democrat. [ Laughs ] There's a man I would say would have... a smooth confii rmation. -Jack Hathaway? - Smooth as a baby's ass. - He's already taken himself out of it, so-- - Right. Right! Well, who the hell knows? Perhaps Lainey will shock the world... by pulling out her brilliance... anderudition at the hearings thatnone ofus knowshe has. So, Shelly, can we ask for basic fa irness? - Fifty-fiifty, Democratand Republican at the hearings? - Ofcourse you can. Congressman! Congressman! Mr. Runyon. J ust wanted to steal you for a second. I'm Reg Webster. - Oh, you're one ofStoney's boys? - Uh, no. You staff or intern? Actually I'm a representative. Reginald Webster of Delaware. Oh, fuck me. I'm sorry, Webster. What can I do foryou? - I'm running late. - I was hoping I could grab your attention for a second. - What's the skinny? - Well, uh-- - I'm late, Mr. Webster. - I understand a chair's opened up in the committee... and I'd like to put my name forward. I believe you'll fii nd me industrious and hardworking. TheJ udiciary's for senior members. Wheeling was in for fiive terms before we let him in. My hands are tied. There's nothing I can do. Shelly, I've been trying to reach you for fiive days. - I left you 32 messages. - Well, leave me a 33rd. - Where you from? - Delaware. Oh, yeah, you were-- You knocked Emory Bettis out. Emory used to be in the Thursday night game. He was always good for a few hundred bucks. I guess he ran his campaign like he played poker. I take it you have a predisposition. - About the confii rmation, I mean. - No. Actually, I'm 1 00%% objective. - Mmm. Do you have a dictionary, Mr. Webster? - Yeah. Take a Magic Marker, cross out the word "objectivity." Your constituents want you foryour opinions, your philosophy... foryour subjectivity. Laver has to duck out ofthe way ofthat one. One that Lavercan'tget. He 's still trying to recover. And he zings another powerful forehand past Laver. See that, Tim-Tim? Know what we call that? - We call that topspin. You know how we get topspin? - Uh-huh. - Yeah? Tell me. - 'Cause BabyJesus made topspin. What? - BabyJesus gave it topspin. -Jesus? Ah! Why do you say that? - Because BabyJesus made everything. - Yeah? Who told you that? Miss Moyerin kindergarten, andMommysays... - Ihave to listen Miss Moyer. - Wow, this is news to me. I gave up my career trying to strike that nonsense out ofthe public school system. Maybe I ought to put him in public school, then. Remember what I told you about moving your grip down... - and to the left? - Uh-huh. - Go see if Dad's found his bathing suit yet. - Gimme a hug. Yeah. Thanks, champ. - They are paid to teach, not-- - To preach. I know, but he's six years old, and he also believes in the tooth fa iry... - and that George Washington never told a lie. - Well, it drives me crazy. - Mary, wanna turn the ball machine off? - Yes, Mr. Governor. Thanks for seeing me, Dad. - Why wouldn't I see you? - Partisanship. I gotta love at least one Democrat. You know, Dad, I'm getting some reports that you might not be ready to back me. That you're opposed to my confii rmation-- - You've heard quotes? - No, I haven't heard. J ust that we should expect to be reading ofyour opposition. Pardon my Swahili, but you're being led a line of pure bullshit. - I haven't said a word. - Maybe it'sjust that. Maybeyou've been quiet. - I hate the press. - Iknow, Dad. - When I left the mansion, I swore I would never talk to them. - Iremember. - I suppose you're gonna force my hand on this, huh? - You wouldn't have to say much. -J ust a little something. - Okay, okay. I, uh-- I'll call back Joe Glynn at the Times. He's okay. He'll write it up well. I once leaked him some shit about Buchanan. Damn near won him the Pulitzer. - Thanks, Dad. - Sure. Thanks. What would you do, or have done, in my case? Well, when your president asks you tojump... it's hard not tojump, that's for sure. But you remember what Ben Franklin said about the vice presidency. What did he say? I didn't talk to him this week. He said he ought to be addressed as "Your Superfuous Excellency." I n the past ten years, I've enjoyed the kind of power the vice presidency can't offer. Why would anybody want to give that up? Am I crazy? Baby, power is where power goes. - Thinkyou can beat me? - Uh, yeah. Okay. Hey, Tony! Foul! Can't trust those fuckin' people. Speaking ofwhich, Mr. Webster, it turns out you're a Democrat. I, uh, wasn't keeping it a secret. Sad to say, I don't think I can bring you aboard the committee, son. Ray Spies makes all the decisions regarding the otherparty. - It's a courtesy. - But not a requirement. - It's not, that's true. - IfRay Spies interviewedme... he'd refuse to put me on the committee even for a minute... because he'd fii nd out that when it comes to Laine Hanson... I went to my dictionary and crossed off the word "objectivity." Are you suggesting Mrs. Hanson may not be your fil rst choice for vice president? I'm suggesting that Laine Hanson has stricken our party with policies and attitudes... that are best served across the aisle from where she came. I take it, like most members ofyour party... your selection would be Governor Hathaway. Governor Hathaway's a great man. He's a visionary, a bona fii de hero. - But he withdrew his name from consideration. - Minds can be changed. - How much discretion can I count on from you? - A hundred percent, sir. - Even from your own leadership? - I said a hundred percent. Good. Good man. Good man. I think if I make the rounds, do the Sunday morning talk shows... raise the level ofthe game a bit, outtalk her on the issues-- Issues? What kind offucking campaigns are they running in Virginia? Not the kind I'm used to. Jack, this whole thing with the girl drowning-- It's bullshit! - I was there, Shelly. The president told me himself. - It's an excuse. Jackson Evans has chosen to make putting a woman in offii ce his swan song. Laine Hanson is the only reasonable choice inyourparty. He's not going with Boxer. She's too liberal. He's not going withJones because she's older than he is. - There's Winslet. - She's not coming off the Supreme Court. Laine Hanson is attractive. She's a looker. The mere fact that she was a Republican means that she can't be too fa r to the left. It's a perfect pedigree. We can't get you in by convincing him you're the right man for thejob. We have to convince him that she's wrong. Once we do that, you're in. And Toliver, he's as much as told me-- I'm not going for a low blow. It's not my way. You won't have to. We have togo afterher. We have to make her wade in herown blood. - Who did you sayyou were? - I'm Makerowitz. - Makerowitz. - I'm sorry. That doesn't mean much to me. - Web got somebody-- - A friend ofthe Hathaway campaign. Who is footing the not-too-unimpressive bill of Mr. Makerowitz. Private citizen wants to do their own investigation-- What exactly are you trying to fii nd out? Campaign irregularities, bribes? -Isn't that the FBI's responsibility? -Yes, it is. But the FBI would not fii nd anything. All of her money is tied up in blind trusts. The kind of improprieties you're talking about, I think that only helps her. Personally, I think the nation would be relieved to know that just because she's a woman... - it doesn'tmeanshe can'tbe as ruthless as the rest ofus. - Governor? You ever stabbed a man in the navel? You? Me? No, I haven't. Stab a man in the navel, and that's all she wrote. Bleeding is so swift and severe, it wouldn't matter ifJesus put His healing hand on the wound... the bastardis dead. We have togut the bitch in the belly. We all have to understand, we 're going to obliterate herlife... butit willgetyou the vicepresidency. - Hey, Dog! - Lewis, how you doin'? - Wow, that's a plate offood! - [ Laughs ] You didn't have to dress up for me. I had to accompany the senator to the Gridiron Lunch. IfJohn Q Public could see the money that the knuckleheads that run this country... spend on these lunches, there would be a second revolution. I'm telling you, there is some money spent on these stupid lunches. - What is this? - It's the reason you're here. You can't let anybody know where you got this from. If Runyon found out I gave this to you... he'd fii re me, and I don't want him as an enemy. That's Lainey Hanson getting gang-banged. Looks like something out of Hustler. [ Sighs ] That's her for sure. I know it's hard to tell with her-- her face in someone's crotch... but that's her, man. Why are you showing me this? I will not be party to an ambush. Why are you showing me this, Ted? Okay. I want out of Runyon's offii ce. And I thought maybe you could get me on staff-- This is the best you could come up with? This shit? This is shit. Read the deposition ofthe LaVamere lady. [Woman's Voice] She was putting on asex show. - How long did this go on for? - It was hours. - How many hours? - Three or four. [Man] Which one? Three orfour? [Woman] Three, Iguess. In herdefense, she was drunk. To be honest, onceshe fiinishedfucking andsucking those two assholes... she was carriedinto anotherroom, and boys were going in andout ofthere... but I don't know ifshe was fucking them. When she came out, she was covered in cum. It was awful. Excuse me, Counselor. I, um-- - May I ? - Ofcourse. J ust to clarify, why exactly was Mrs. Laine Hanson-- Strike that. Laine Billings involved in this, uh... appalling and disgusting behavior? - That's- - That's what's important. - Exactly. Thankyou. It's great to see you guys. - [ Applauding, Cheering ] - There you go. Thankyou so much foryour support. Thankyou. Thankyou. - Hey. - Hey, Madam Senator. - How you doing? - I'm okay. I wish you'd heard the speech. That line you gave me about... "Ifwe can put a man on the moon, then why can't we put all men on the moon?" It was perfect. It really broke the ice. - Great audience for that, huh? - Yeah, it was great. - [ Sighs ] - What's goin' on? Uh... well, it looks like Runyon or somebody close to him... has been running a little private investigation... looking for stuff that the Feds wouldn't even touch. - It's, um-- - Yeah? What is it? What-- [Phone Ringing] - He doesn'tknowanything aboutit. - You're asking me to step down? I'm asking you to do what's in the best interest ofthe party... and this president. Well, I'm sorry. I can't do it, not over this. He's not going to allow me or himself... togetshot down over what would've been aprivatesexualencounter. - Some swan song for the old man, huh? - It's fuckin' awful. Thesenatorgota little wild whenshe was 19. Whatis the big deal? Let me explain the big deal to you. The people ofthis nation can stomach quite a bit. But one thing they can't stomach is the image ofa vice president with a mouthful ofcock. You don'thave to use- - Look. Let's use the word "alleged. " They got photos! They got witnesses! They got the "alleged" slut-- Hey! Let me tell you something. I'm her husband fii rst. I don't tolerate talk like that. - Will, calm down. - You better get used to it, Will. Especially when not even your wife will defend herself. Give me something, Laine. Anything. Hell, just deny it. Why don't you just deny it? It is simply beneath my dignity. Dignity! Right. We'll just have to make this all not worthwhile for Mr. Runyon. What have you got on the distinguished gentleman from I llinois? Some pretty good stuff. - S.E.C. investigation, 1 985. - Yougotstocks? I want something embarrassing! Something sexual! Little boys, midgets, that sort ofthing. - Cows! I don'tgive agoddamn! - Come on, Kermit. Ifwe do that, we 're no better than he is. We are no better than he is. There 's nothing there. He gotmarried when he was 21. There's no evidence he ever cheated on his wife. Too bad we're not running in France. We could really nail him on that one. When do you have your lunch with him? With Shelly Runyon? I'm not having lunch with him. Friday, 1:00. It's scheduledtomorrow. It's automatic. He's committee chairman. It was set up. S. O. P. - Laine. - Shelly. I'm sorry I started. You were late. - I'm not too late, I hope. - A minute or two. - Were you tied up with anything? - No, sorry. I'm just late. - Hi, Clem. You too. - Senator, nice to see you. - I ordered you the porterhouse. - No, I don't eat meat. - I'll have the penne. - You should really- - Mmm. - Try the steak. Ask Hugo to burn it on the outside. - No, thankyou. I really don't eat meat. I'll just go ahead with the penne. - Spicy? - Yes, please. Thanks. So, how are... Will and the boy? Let's forego the small talk today, Shelly. - It'll make me feel cheap. - Let the big talk begin. Haveyouseen this? That's my- - That's my fil le on you, Senator. - Mm-hmm. - How did you get it? Have you read it yet? How did you get it? Haveyoureadit? - What do you have to say foryourself? - With all due respect... um, Senator... - it doesn't matter what I have to say for myself. - Oh, it doesn't? It seems to me, Mr. Chairman, all you can claim about me-- claim, is that I had sex-- - Deviant sex. - Whosays it was deviant? I do. And what Isay, thepeople will believe. Andyouknow why? Because I'll have a very big microphone in front of me. Wow, you must really hate me, Shelly. I don'thateyou. It's notpossible to hateyou. You're-- What the hell was it that Reynolds called you the other day? Groovy. You're a groovy chick. No, what I, um, do detest is your selfii shness. Ihave servedthis nation withoutregard forpersonal income forover tenyears. Youare selfiish becauseyou want to take on ajob thatpositionsyou to assume... a mantle ofgigantic responsibility... and you do it full well with the knowledge-- Ofwhat? What? Greatness is the orphan of urgency, Laine. Greatness only emerges when we need it most... in times ofwar or calamity. I can't ask somebody to be a Kennedy or a Lincoln. They were men created by their times. What I can ask for is the promise ofgreatness. And that, Madam Senator... you don't have. Well, then... I just wouldn't be using sex as leverage... if I were you, Sheldon. Because there 's one thing you don't want. It's a woman with her fii nger on the button who isn't getting laid. Will that be the argument the senator offers up before the committee? [ Laughing ] Sir? Can Igetyou something to drink? - Uh, no, I'm fii ne. Thankyou. - You sure? No, great. Thanks a lot. - Ah, Mr. Webster. - Mr. President. - Good to see you. - It's an honor, sir. - I've been meaning to have you up here for some time. - Really? Excuse me. Willie? Thankyou, Willie. Yeah, you betcha. You unseated that old bastard Bettis. He must've voted against me 70 percent ofthe time. You know what this is? That's a shark steak sandwich. Fucking shark steak. - You want half? - Uh, no, thankyou. - Are you a vegan? Had lunch? - No. Uh-- So you choose not to break bread with the president ofthe United States? [ Laughs ] Thankyou. When I was in the Senate, Bettis could always be counted to leave halfa grand at the poker table. Always stayed in, never folded. Always wanted that miracle card. - That's good, isn't it? - Mm-hmm. Now, Truman, he was a poker player. Damn fii ne one, as I understand it. Son, I understand you may be making a mess ofour plans... to put Laine Hanson into the vice president mansion. Right now, sir, I cannot see supporting Laine Hanson. - How old are you? - Me, I'm 28. And at that age and experience, you thinkyou're the one to sit and judge Mrs. Hanson? Well, that's the whole point, isn't it? I am, sir. Mr. Webster, I'm asking you to lay off... as a personal favor. It's one thing to break ranks and vote against my candidate... but to actively attack her from the bench, that's another. Mr. President, I just don't believe in Laine Hanson... especially when we have at our disposal Governor Hathaway. He's a party loyalist and genuine hero. And I cannot and shall not vote for a candidate simply because she's a woman. I am nothing if I do not follow my heart, sir. I envyyou. I do. You know why? Because someday, years from now, you're gonna come in here with your fa mily... and you're gonna look up at my painting... and you'll be able to say to them, your kids and grandkids... "Way back then I defii ed my president. It cost me my reelection, kept me out of politics forever. I was on the track to maybe one day end up here... destined to make the kind ofchanges in this country... that only great men, given the right time and place, can make... and I have none ofthat now, but that's okay... because I did what was in my heart." The heart, it can never be wrong, can it, Mr. Webster? Mmm. Delicious. You got a little-- Hi. I'mJack Hathaway. Howareyou? Hi, sir. Um-- Ow. I'm SpecialAgent Willomina. Sure is goodofyou to meetme. It's a pleasure. How can I help you? I know you're busy, so this will be as routine as it gets. - Did my girl offeryou coffee or something to drink? - Oh, yes, she did. She was very nice, your girl. Yes, she is. She's very nice. So like I said, I just want to cross a couple oft's, little stuff. It's all just part ofthe process. By the way, sir, I was real impressed with your graciousness... - on the whole Senator Hanson thing. - Oh? Youknow, in supporting her. Realgracious. Well, as you know, I withdrew my name from consideration. Right. Right. And I think she's a real fii ne choice. Anybody that knows her knows that. How long have you known her? - Oh, well, actually, I don't really-- - I'm sorry. When you said, "Anybody that knows her"-- - Iknowpeople who knowher. - Uh-huh. - I'm happy to give you their names, ifyou'd like. - Great. I don't really know her, but I've seen her several times at functions... and, uh, I think she'll do a real good job. Sir, can I just say that... I was really hoping you'd go for the position... especially after what happened on the Apachaway. I think people would think, in the back oftheir minds... "This here's a guy who takes risks when the right thing's at stake." - Lifesaver? - No, thanks. Anyway, some real bad luck, your being right there. Not if I'd been able to save her. No, no, in the crabbing area. It'sjust that you were fiishing forbass, so-- - That probably explains why we didn't catch anything. -[Laughing] You fii sh in the Apachaway a lot, so I thought that you would know that, but-- I don't fii sh a lot. - I thought your equipment was pretty sophisticated, but-- - There 's a difference... between wanting to fii sh and having time to fii sh. Tell me about it. -Andhe freedtheslaves and won the Civil War. - That's right! He was probably ourgreatestpresident. - Even greater than George Washington? - It's a running debate. - Laine Hanson. - Oh, Mr. President. And you must be one Timothy Hanson. - Timothy Muskie Hanson. - [ Chuckles ] Well, Timothy Muskie Hanson, how would you like a great big cookie? Any kind. - No, thankyou. -Any kindatall. Oatmeal, white chocolate-- Actually, wejust had dinner, but thanks. I n that case, shall we have our picture taken, young man? Hmm? - How do I look? - Your tie 's a little crooked. Well, can't take a picture like that. Will you straighten it for me? Your mommy tells me you know more about the presidents than most grown-ups. - I like to study them. - Mmm! Me too. I think we 're ready forbusiness, Dennis. - Sir. - You must be very proud ofyour mom. Yeah, being the vice president is better than being the president. Oh, I'm sure you're right. 'Cause nobody wants to shoot the vice president. So, you must be feeling pretty excited about now. Please sit. - Hmm? - Well, I think I'm a little nervous. Well, good! Good. Night before a confii rmation hearing. Anything else, I would've withdrawn your name. - What about this Webster, sir? - Ah, one second. Anybody here hungry? - No, thanks. - No, sir, I'm not. Thanks. Otto, could you whip up some Kung Pao chicken, but with walnuts? [ Otto Over I ntercom ] No problem, sir. Ah, the kid. Met him. You know this young congressman, Webster? No, sir, I don't. No matter. He reminds me of me when I was his age. That's bad. K, you need to put out word that no matter what this kid does... nobody's to give him a hard time. He's misguided, but he's got something. And one day, who knows? All right, sir. I'm sure the senator can handle Mr. Webster. There is one concern we needto-- [Evans] Oh, right, concern. Laine? K told me about your little sexual romp in college. Shit. Tomorrow is the 1 7th. - Glenda? - [Woman] Yes, sir? TomorrowisJacobson's birthday. Haveyougotsomething for theson ofa bitch? Yes, sir. You got him a leather-bound Don Quixote. Oh, good. Good gift. Metaphorical gift. He'll be trying to fii gure out why I got him that forever. Ah, were you married at the time? Uh, I was a freshman in-- You know, sir, I'm just not going to comment on the whole thing. It's beneath me and it's beneath the press. That's the way togo. Fuck thepress. SenatorHanson does notkiss andtell. - It's perfect. - Maybe I was too rough on Shelly in Hartford. Then this would all be moot, 'cause you wouldn't be president, sir. You know what? Married, unmarried, One guy, two guys, the whole football team. Who the fuck cares? You just look those bastards in the eye and tell them exactly that. These guys, they're gonna confii rm you. But they want to embarrass you in the process. They want to send you into this administration as a virus. So you have only one choice. - Yes, sir? - Don't... be embarrassed. [Runyon] Two hours, gentlemen. It is now up to us to light the spark... which will result in a moral uprising, so that we may have... a new birth of national honesty... and decency. And sometimes in this process... you will question even yourselves. And that's good, that's healthy. For what are we ifwe are not what we believe? Laine Hanson... is a cancer. A cancerofliberalism. A cancer ofdisloyalty. Hernomination itselfis the cancer ofaffirmative action. What we willsing with voices stentorian... is thatshe is the cancer ofvirtuous decay. Clausewitz said that war is the natural extension of politics. Butpolitics is also the extension ofwar. They are one andthesame. In this war, there will be casualties. But so help me God... not among us. [Reporter] Senator, could we have a word? [ Chattering ] The president canceled his golfgame with me. - He always cancels his golfgame. Don't worry about it. - Not with me. - Kermit, can I talk toyouasecond? - We 'll talk later. [Hollis] They're home, they're watching, they're proud. -[GavelBanging] - Lewis, this is it. Thankyou. Order. Order. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Sheldon B. Runyon from the great state of I llinois. It is my privilege and my honor... to serve as the chairman ofthese special hearings. We are here today for only the third time in our history... to ensure the proper implementation ofthe 25th amendment... and for the fii rst time... the House has taken on that responsibility. Myselfand my esteemed colleagues are determined... to ensure that this very important matter be handled with... expedition and dignity. We are proud to welcome our friend and colleague, Laine Hanson. Madam Senator, I welcomeyou. Thankyou, Mr.-- Thankyou, Mr. Chairman. Will the "gentlelady"from Ohio please rise andraiseyour righthand? Madam Senator, doyouswear to tell the truth... the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God? - I do. - Please beseated. Mr. Chairman, point oforder. The Chair recognizes Mr. WebsterofDelaware. Mr. Chairman, I direct your attention to page 1 6... tab C-25 ofthe ledger, a transcript ofthe Q-and-A session... between the nominee andseveralstudents from Harvard University. - Page 16? - Page 16at the bottom ofthepage. You'llsee the following remarks in reference to a question... regarding the separation ofchurch and state. The nominee said, and I quote, "The separation exists... because we cannot have a fa iry tale govern a nation." What, sir, is the point? The senatorjust swore an oath to an entity she does not believe in. Madam Senator, you understand... that you have promised to be truthful to this committee? -Andthatlying to this body is perjury, punishable by law? - Yes, I do understand that. Well, I think we're all agreed... that even though the senator has shown a disdain... for religion and those practicing it... which is her constitutional right... that does notnecessarily, Mr. Webster, make hera liar. I'm confii dent we can proceed. - Madam? - Yes? For the record, wouldyou stateyour name andaddress? Yes. My name is Laine Hanson. My address is-- [Woman] You canjust do that, pullphone records? [Willomina]I work foraprettypowerfulguy. [Woman] Yeah, we 're close, we were close fora while. That's till recently, ofcourse. Our career paths sort ofwent in different directions. At least you have your life. There's nothing sinister going on here. At this point, wejust need... to look at every aspect of her life and fii nd everyone that knew her. You never know what you're gonna fii nd. - Did you fii nd anything? - No, no, not really. Not really? You mean-- A little bit, actually. I did speak to other classmates, and they told me she was pretty wild. Wild? Yeah, she was wild. Wild enough you can be sure the tabloids are gonna have a fil eld day. Have you spoken to them? Um, me? No. But somebody somewhere's gonna talk. - But not you. - Uh-uh, no. - It's okay ifyou have. We're not gonna lockyou up. - No, I haven't. So no one like, maybe, the NationalEnquirer... or one ofthose silly television programs... - that show, um- - Access-- - Confiidential? No, no, no. I don't know anything. The last time I talked to her it was just, "The kid this, the kid that." According to our records, you spoke to her on the 1 5th. - Three weeks ago? - Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. I- - She was going to Vegas. Oh, is that right? Vegas? She asked me to go along with her. It was gonna be her treat. I couldn't go because I had to work. We were gonna stay at one ofthose ritzy new places. The, um, Bellage--? - The Bellagio? Right. - Yeah. - With the contortionist. - I've never been. You've been going through my desk. Itnevercrossedmy mind when I was ayounger woman... that I'dbe this age andnothave kids. Somehow in my mind, kids. Raising them, making them good people. That's what I wanted. Then I met you, and I realized that I'd be... trading my dreams so that we could live yours. We sacrifiicedall ofthat so we could do good. We have done good. I was neverprouder whenyou fought to make hate crimes a capitalandfederaloffense. Youstoodso tall, defying the world, andyou won. It was then that Irealizedthatall ofoursacrifiices were noting vain... thatyou were agoodman. Andnow, everythingyouhave everachieved will be eliminated... because, with this horrible fiilth... you'll go down as a second-rateJoe McCarthy. Your problem, Shelly, is that you have no sense of history. She's no good. [Laine Indistinct Over TV] Come on! Come on. See, Daphne? This is how you get to the top. Lew? Lew? [Runyon]Ihave an issue tospeak of, andI'm mostgravely concerned. Ifthis body will indulge me, Ihave before me... aperfect example ofthe need for this institution... to pass the I nternet Libel Protection Act. In the Nichols Report piece... postedto 40 million Internetsubscribers... it is claimed that you, Senator... were involved in a sexual imbroglio while in college. Thatis... trading favors... with severalpartners in exchange forentry into asorority. Though I will not waste the committee's time with such... nefa rious and sleazy innuendoes... I will not deny the senator her right to respond. Mr. Chairman, I have nothing to-- I will not respond to this article. Isay "Bravo " toyou, Senator. Bravo to you. First let me state... that I encourage every American... and every citizen on this planet to boycott... the Nichols Report. This is the type offiilth anddegeneratepornography... thatshouldnotsee the light ofday. I can only assume, Senator, that you will... not only bring suit against the perpetrators of... but also against the remarkable look-alike who appears in these disgusting photos. And whenyou do fille suit, know thatit comes with my fullsupport. Your refusal to deny this report ofsexual deviance... will not have an effect on this committee... on whether or not it votes to advise and consent to your nomination. Mr. President, doyouhave a comment on the allegations made on the Internet today? I'm not gonna discuss any allegations, especially those on the I nternet. But, sir, the sexual allegations were made very public today by Congressman Runyon. - And I'm sure he quite regrets that. - [ Everyone Chuckling ] Sir, ifyouagree with the allegations, oragree the allegations are accurate... doyou think thatSenatorHanson is morally fiit to take office? I'll tell you what. I'm sure that President Mateo and I... would both welcome the votes ofonly those people... with sexual indiscretions in their past. We'd be landslide victors every time. Hey, Sheila. - They've been waiting foryou forabout ten minutes. - Okay. Hey. - Henry, I gotta talk to you in fiive minutes, okay? - Okay. [Chattering] How about "Her involvement in prostitution"? No, no. You gotta couch it like it's something... for the FB-- the AG to investigate. - Hi, Reggie. - Hi. Well, how about, "How embarrassing it is... - that the--" No, no, no. - Who-- - What? - Where's Gilmore? - Gilmore. - Um, Idaho? Iowa? Can I interrupt for one second? We're all set with America Live. What are you guys talking about? We'rejust going over our statement... in response to The Washington Post story. - What story? - The one that says the secret investigation is ongoing... to determine whether she accepted money... for her activities in college. I didn't hear about this. Well, it's, uh-- It's, um-- It'll be in... tomorrow afternoon's edition. J ust in time for the congressman to make his statement... and just in time for it to stick in the minds ofamericans over the weekend. Wh- - What's the source? Where'd they get the story? - Unnamed sources close to the investigation. - I see. Al. - Al! - Yes? We can, um- - Let's-- Let's dot the I's, cross the T's on this one later. All right, thankyou. I, uh-- I think I have some self-righteous indignation coming my way. Well, is there any truth whatsoever to the story? -There will be an investigation. -She's gonna have the truth on her side. - She's gonna deny it and make us all look like fools. - Let her. Let her denyjust that part ofthe story. - Hold here. - What? Oh. That's all right. I can do that myself. Yeah. Thankyou. -America Live is not in the circus business. - Pete's always fa ir. [Laine] Should Ihearanything in this? You're gonna be vicepresident. - You'll talk about legitimate issues ofconcern. - Right. Where is the senator's monitor? There is no monitor for her. She'll hear Pete in the earpiece. That is a piece ofshit. We talked about this, Ray. IfPeter's gonna be able tosee her, she has to be able tosee him. - He's got a sensory advantage over her. - You wanna pull her? I'm not talking about pulling her. I'm just saying it's bullshit. She was just great in the hearings today. Cool and collected. - Steve Poullet. - Hi. [ Chattering ] Should I hear anything? Oh, I got it. Okay, great. Oh, it's that one. Yeah, I know. Can't hear-- Yeah, right, got it. Okay, I've got the intro now. Thankyou for having me, Peter. Sure, that'd be fil ne. Well, it has been a taxing experience... butifwe 're forcedto take the voters out ofthe equation... I think that the vetting system bysimple necessity mustbe arduous. Mmm. Ihave topleadmotherhood on that one, Pete... but Inot onlyserved on the Foreign Relations Committee... Isponsoredthe Hanson-Fineman Bill which readjustedthe WarPowers Act... to allow the executive to respond tostate-sponsoredterrorism... like that of I raq, Libya, North Korea, for instance. But rather than boring you with my resume... I'd rather answeryour questions on specifii c issues offoreign policy. I suppose I could askyou, Mr. Crenshaw, how you'd feel in the same situation. Why would I answer that foryou? Sorry. It's simply a privacy issue. Look, I won't address issues ofsexuality in a hearing room... or on national television or anywhere else for that matter. - Where's the control room for America Live? - Down the hall. Excuse me. The controlroom for America Live? - Where is the fucking control room? - Right down there. Fuck! Down here, down here, down here! Don't tell me we're gettin' sandbagged! We're getting sandbagged! I knew you couldn't trust this fucking guy! SenatorHanson, doyourecognize Mr. Poullet? Un, no. I don't have a monitor, so I can't see him. [Poullet] The truth is, Lainey andIhadthat one incident. I don'tbelieve we ever saweach otheragain after that. To her credit, she was very drunk when she had sex... with my friends, uh, my brothers and I. A sandbag is what it is. He's fucking your friend. He has obviously infii ltrated your show. Mrs. Hanson, you still have not taken a stand on the accuracy ofthis report. It's very accurate, andthosephotos are accurate too. We had them on the frat house bulletin board for months. We called that "Life in the Sex Laine." - What are we gonna do now? - We're gonna sue him. I will not dignify those remarks oryour questions with a response. Good evening. Theguy's ajerk. We 're nevergonna put ourpeople on thatshowagain. Some asshole called in and made this idiot claim. Hell, they've gotta investigate. The whole situation's a son ofa bitch. I wouldlike tostart bysaying... thatmuch has been made ofthe reports in thepress ofan investigation... into the possible-- possible, I say again-- criminal behavior on the part ofthe nominee. This committee will wait for a report from the FBI... before taking this matterup. However, I'll once again afford the nominee an opportunity to respond. I, too, will wait for the FBI report before responding. Madam Senator. Tell us a little bit about your fa mily. You have a son. Mm-hmm. Yes, I have one six-year-old boy, Timothy. That's a very nice age. Now, Isee here that whenyou... had Timothy, you were absent from your duty... for a few months' maternity leave. - It's the right ofevery mother to be able to take maternity-- - Paid maternity leave. Yes. I don't believe we should penalize our citizens for having children. I think I'm onsafe groundsaying that valuing motherhoodis quite nonpartisan. - [ Gallery Chuckling ] - Um, wereyou togetpregnantagain... do you plan to take maternity leave? Um, I've not given that any consideration. No? Areyoustill able to bearchildren? Yes, I am-- I believe, yes, I am. Yetyouhave notgiven this matterany consideration. Perhaps that means-- No, strike that. Madam Senator... let us assume you ascended to the presidency... and you were to have a child during your term. Would you cede your duties to your vice president and for how long? Mr. Chairman, would the chair expect to have the designate assure this committee... thatshe wouldhave her tubes tied before she assume office? - Mr. Chairman, Ihumbly requestapoint oforder. - You will be afforded one. - With all due respect-- - You will be afforded one when I am fii nished. The truth is that while we have notputasealon the concept ofhaving anotherchild... my husband and I practice birth control. Mm-hmm. Okay, I would now like to... enter the arena ofloyalty. Loyalty is a revered quality among vice presidents. Would you agree? - Yes, very much so. Yes. - Yetyou chose to officially move... from the Republican to the Democratic party when you left the House to run for the Senate. I view switching parties as a testament to my loyalty to my country. I felt that the Republican party had shifted from the ideals that I cherished through myyouth. As a Republican, did you ever... vote along party lines but against your own beliefs ? No, never. - Youstill believe in every voteyoumade? - Yes. - I ncluding your vote to impeach President Clinton? - Yes, I do. That was an issue offa irness. The president, as commander in chief, stood by... while severalmilitary officers, including candidates for the chairman oftheJoint Chiefs... were prosecutedforadultery or were notpermitted... to advance their careers. I am opposed to making adultery, or even lying about it, a crime in our armed forces. But while it is a law, it should be enforced without consideration of rank... even ifthatrank is commanderin chief. Perhaps the senator is unaware that commander in chief is not actually a military rank. Iam aware ofthat. What I think we can say of President Clinton is that he was not guilty but responsible. [Gallery Laughing] "Not guilty but responsible." I am-- I like that. [ Laughing ] I, uh, I-I may, uh- - I may use that. - Ifyou wish, you can go ahead. - Thankyou. When--[Clears Throat] When consideringyou for the vicepresidency... we must also consideryour worthiness as commander in chief. - Wouldyouagree? - Yes, I do. In that case, givenyour feelings on the matter... have you ever committed adultery? - No, I have not. - No? You're quite sure? Madam Senator, you understand that, uh, you are under oath. Yes, I understand that, between the two of us, I'm the one that's under oath. Whenyouguys go before theAntitrust Committee, don'tyou want Hank onyourside? Sure, butnotatanyprice. Last time we spoke, you were sitting where you are now. Hank was sitting where Len is. You started telling him what a shame it would be... ifthe refrigeration systems on the trucks went out. Hank's a hothead, and he took that as a threat. Ifwe were threatening him, he'd know it. That's what I thought, but now we have some massaging to do. Hank's gotta be treated with kid gloves. - SenatorHanson? Congressman Webster's here toseeyou. - Sorry. Yep? - Guess we got our ten minutes. - Okay, send him in. No, I want to resolve this. I do.J ust give me a few minutes. Ifyou want something to drink, Jerry will take care ofyou. - We're gonna get back into this? - We will. We will. Senator, you want me to sit in? Make sure the congressman's clear on everything? We 'll be fline. Won't we, Mr. Webster? We 'll be all right. Thanks. Proud ofyourself? So, what can I do foryou, Mr. Webster? I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here. I thinkyou're here because you want to know why I'm not fii ghting back. Because despite itall, you've got some oddsense offairplay. You're kicking my ass. It's gone from feeling like easy pickings to out-and-out bullying. I feel like there should be some back and forth between us, you and the committee. I'llgiveyouback andforth on Social Security, relations with Israel... on the DowJones, the census, almost everything, but not this. No, not my personal life. It's just nobody's business. That's not what the people will tell you: the people will tell you it is their business... that you're setting standards of morality for their children. Especially their girls. Have you ever heard of Isaac Lamm? - Isaac Lamm? No. - He was the fiirst one to come before HUA C... the House Un-American Activities Committee. He was also the fii rst one to name names, fii rst to cooperate with the government. The dominoes fell from there. Careers crushed, families destroyed. J ust imagine, Mr. Webster, if Mr. Lamm had just said, "Fuckyou," to the committee. I magine how much harder he would've made it for them. Are you accusing the committee ofsexual McCarthyism? Well, it's not necessary to make the accusation. Oh, I just can't respond to the committee's lightly veiled accusations... because it's not okay for them to be made. Or maybe you can't respond because the answers you have to give are too embarrassing. You know what? You're young. That's okay. That's okay. You're young. I'm gonna choose to be amused byyour na'i'vete, give you the benefii t ofthe doubt. I'm gonna spell it out foryou even more clearly. If I were a man, nobody would care... how many sexual partners I had in college. Andifit's notrelevant fora man, it's notrelevant fora woman. Jerry, send the folks back in, please. I gotta fii nish this up. [Mrs. Runyon] He 's nota badman. He believes in whathe's doing. There 's an oddsort ofintegrity there. Butin this business, with so much atstake... it's not enough to believe in yourself, you have to be right. This is an ideological rape ofall women. - Timmy, that's a little too high. - Okay, Mommy. Thankyou, sweetie. Well, then I'll survive it for all of us. Tomorrowmorning Congressman Marshall is gonna askyou questions. He's going to hit you with abortion. I promise you that Shelly will fii nd some way to call you a baby killer. We 're ready forhim. Ourpositionpapers are fiirst-rate. - Every one ofthem. - Youlethim fiinish. Then you look him in the eye and you ask him... "Mr. Runyon, 20 years ago your wife Maggie had an abortion. Do you think her a murderer?" He 's a hypocrite. No, he's not. Shelly has no idea. Are you saying you would appoint a Supreme Courtjustice... basedon his beingpro-choice? Mr. Marshall, the vice president does not appoint Supreme Courtjustices. Should you succeed the president or even advise the president? I would be inclined, though not without fexibility... to disregard any man or woman who is pro-life from serving on the High Court. So you would allow a personal political beliefto enter into such a decision? Abortion isn't a constitutional issue. The fil ne ladies and gentlemen who serve on the Supreme Court... which is now stacked with right-wing appointees... have no business deciding whether women have to resort to back-alley abortions-- You mean they have no business deciding whether women have a license to commit murder. [Runyon] Mr. Marshall, your time has expired. Sir, ifthe distinguished "gentlelady" from Ohio would answer the question-- I think the lady has made clear herpropensity forabortion. - Come on, Mr. Runyon! - Mr. Lewis, you do not have speakingprivileges. Mr. Chairman, I fii nd your term, "propensity for abortion"... misrepresentative of my position. I have a propensity for a woman's right to choose. - To aborta child! -A fetus. To kill a baby as it grows in the womb. Personally, Senator... I do not believe that it is the right ofour citizens... to-- to butcher a defenseless human being simply-- simply as a matter ofchoice. At the risk of my own future, I tell you this: Ifyou support the right... ofa woman to choose, youare supporting... nothing less than a-a-a holocaust ofthe unborn. Mr. Chairman, are you calling me-- I believe my position on this issue is clear. Yes, madam, it most certainly is. God, I love this game. [ Chuckles ] [ Coughing ] When she tries to tell me how to do it, I do it my way. Then she comes back and changes it afterwards, and that way-- Jeez. [ Coughing ] Good one, sir. You're an all-weather golfer, I see. What kind ofstick you using there? - It's a putting stick. - Right, putting stick. When I asked foryou last week, they said you were in Vegas. - Business, sir. - Vegas is business? I did blow a roll ofquarters. Will you excuse us? - How's that cough doing? - Aah. That's her casino account balance. She offered to take her sorority sister to Vegas, her treat. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God? I do. Pleasestateyour name for the record. Cynthia C-H-A-R-L-T-O-N Lee. Thankyou. Please beseated. We willstart the questioning with Mr. Skakle. Mr. Skakle, the fiive-minute rule is in effect. Thankyou, Mr. Chairman. Miss Lee. Miss Lee, hello. I'm over here. Thankyou forjoining us. Now, you are under subpoena, is that correct? Yes. - Miss Lee, couldyouspeak directly into the mike? - Yes. I understandyou're nervous, butbelieve me when I tellyouyou're among friends. Miss Lee, youare notmarried. No- - No. - No, I'm not. - Butyou once were. I was married to William Hanson. - Who is now married to the nominee. - Yes. He married Laine after our divorce. It was about seven years ago. Divorce. Right. I've readyour divorcepapers. Ladies andgentlemen, thatby the way is tab 76. They cite irreconcilable differences. Couldyou tell us, what were those irreconcilable differences? I can't really pinpoint them. - Wasyour husband physically violent toyou? - No. Didyouhave fiinancial disagreements ordisagreements overhow to raiseyour kids? We didn't have children. - Were there infiidelities? - Yes. There was one. Is itsafe tosay that this infiidelity precipitatedthe divorce? Miss Lee, please answer the question verbally. Was that a yes? Yes, it was. It was a yes. - Didyou, ma'am, have the affair? - No. - It was your husband then? - Yes. Will-- Will was in charge... ofLaine Billings 's fiirstsenatorialcampaign. He was with her all the time. Are you suggesting the senator, the nominee, had an affa ir with your husband? - Once again, Miss Lee-- - I'm sorry. Yes. Yes, yes. Thankyou. Did the nominee know Mr. Hanson was married? Laine was my friend. My good, good friend. Miss Lee, wouldyou explain to this committee asyou didinyour deposition... howyou discovered that the nominee was involved... in an affa ir with your husband? Yes. Um-- On the night ofthe elections, I was at home. I had the fu. I was watching TV, watching Laine about to make her acceptance speech. I was very sad that I couldn't be there. It was a triumph for Laine and my husband. She was up at thepodium. Will was by herside. He was holding herhand in victory. On the otherside ofLaine... she wasjustsort ofclasping thatperson's hand. But with Will... their hands were interlaced. It was odd that I noticed it, but-- Um, my doorbell rang. I answered the door, and there was a gentleman there... dressed very nicely, he had a yellow tie on. He had papers for me. - Papers? I'm sorry. - Separation papers. Since the committee chose to humiliate aprivate woman in the mostpublicpossible setting... I would like to apologize to her alike... and I will also do so privately when she allows me to do so. Um, what I did to Miss Lee was wrong. It was not done out of malice. I ndeed the opposite. Um... love is an involuntary refex, and I fell victim to it. Um, I deeply regret causing Cynthia pain... and it is especially saddening for me because... of how close we once were. And whether or not the affa ir that Will and I had... should have any bearing on my assuming offii ce is for the committee to decide. I dare not assume that I have the objective wisdom to make that determination. Thankyou. - Senator, are you suggesting the public-- - Okay, she's had a long day. You know what she's going through. Come on, come on. You know what she's going through. Come on, come on. She was your best friend. Runyon deposed Will's ex-wife today, and, uh... she stated that Will and I had had an affa ir-- She saw her fucking holding hands, interlocked fii ngers with this gal... and she knew that she'd been fucking him. That's what she said. - I'm sorry. -[Newman]It's a badbeat. I'm not sure that I get the point ofall this. - You said under oath that you never committed adultery. - That's right. - Youperjuredyourself. - I didn't commit adultery. - You were fucking Will when he was married. - All right. Even the mostloose defiinition ofcommitting adultery wouldnotinclude that. Goddamn it, she's right. You're right. In orderforit to be committing adultery, she'dhave to be marriedat the time. You're nitpicking in reverse now. Your husbandmay have been an adulterer. You're not. Fine. What you are is a sex-crazed, home-wrecking machine. The female Warren Beatty. Runyon knows that you're clean ofthe perj ury... but he's got the world thinking you're something out ofa bad soap opera. You've goddamned crystallized the difference between being guilty and being responsible. Are you asking me to step down, sir? No, it's not gonna be that easy foryou, and it's not gonna be that easy for them. They caught you being a human being. That's all. I'll die before Shelly Runyon checkmates me. I think thepresident's trying tosay the Sitting Bull routine isn't working. - The Sitting Bull routine? - No! Fight back. Show them Laine Hanson isn't gonna take their shit. Take the fii ght out of'em. - What's the process? - Confess. - Confess? - Yeah, confess. - Confess. Confess to the gang-bang. Confess to all of it. -[Evans]Look whatit did for Clinton with Flowers. - Play itany wayyou want. It didn't hurt his numbers. It improved his numbers. Show indignation about how a man would never have to go through hell for having done this. Confess anddemonstrate to theyoung women ofAmerica... howsuch sexualimpropriety can ruin their lives. Confess and preach about the dangers that alcohol can bring to you. For God's sakes, just confess! I understand, Kermit, truly. I understand, and you know what? It's really nobody's business. Well, itis our fucking business! Listen, Laine... I don't care who you fucked... and how many times in how many positions... as long as it doesn't threaten the administration. You can be cavalier onyour own dime. Mr. President. [ Sighs ] I am fully prepared to step down... but my personal life... and my past... arejust that. But I will do whateveryou say. Show them why Laine Hanson is my nominee with your closing statement. Mr. Chairman... ladies and gentlemen ofthe committee: Uh, remarkably enough, it seems that I have some explaining to do. So... let me be absolutely clear. I stand for a woman's right to choose. I stand for the elimination ofthe death penalty. I stand for a strong and growing armed forces... because we must stomp out genocide on this planet... and I believe that that is a cause worth dying for. I stand for seeing every gun taken out ofevery home. Period. I stand for making the selling ofcigarettes to ouryouth a federal offense. I stand for term limits and campaign reform. And, Mr. Chairman, I stand for the separation ofchurch and state... and the reason that I stand for that is the same reason that I believe our forefathers did. It is not there to protect religion from the grasp ofgovernment... but to protect our government from the grasp of religious fa naticism. I may be an atheist... but that does not mean I do not go to church: I do go to church. She's too young. I'm sorry. I'm here, but I have no right to be here. There's no excuse for what I did to you, Lisa. You were my child. You needed me. I'm sorry. I want to help you... fiind a surgeon. I'm a researcher. I can fiind anyone. Even you. What do you wantfor Christmas? You can be really selfiish about this... anything you want. Or we can go somewhere... anywhere. I'll take you to Bali... Timbuktu... Buffalo. Don't you have a restaurant to run? What's more important, is what do you wantfor Christmas? No, you already gave me my present. I forgot. Did you like it? What was it again? Misery, heartbreak, pain happiness, love... -life. -l remember now. What can I give you? More ofthis. -Yeah? -l'vegothim. Oh Lisa, hold on, hold on. -Yeah, go ahead. -His name is Tom Grandy. Harvard undergrad. He's at the Cleveland Heart Institute. -Ohio? ! -lt's one ofthe besting the world. He didhis residencyatBrigham, cardiac surgery training at Cleveland. He takes the cases no one else will touch. Theysay he's a miracle worker. He spends a lotoftime traveling, a lotoftime lecturing. lgotyou an appointment todayat 12:30. Do notbe late. He only has 15minutes. The surgeon thatrecommendedhim said ifyou can gethim to take the case you know Charlotte'sgota chance. He hates the fail. -Mr. Keane? -Yeah, hi. Thanks for a seeing me. I've got everything that you asked for. Just once I'd like to get sent something simple. That never happens anymore. The downside of being good at myjob. Good? My daughter was told you were the best. Like most people, I do the best can. Last time she passed out she regained consciousness almost immediately. Next time, or the time after, she won't. When that happens, call me. Room 1 7 is ready, Dr.Grandy. They'll reach me wherever I am. I'll coordinate with Sibley. -l can't thank you enough. Thank you. -l haven't done anything yet. I'm home. Hello. There you are. -Where were you today? -What do you mean? When you called, I thought you were at work... then when I called you back, John said you hadn't been in all day. I was in Montclair, New Jersey. -Why? -An opportunity. Do you mean sexual or professional? Sexual. I mean, professional! You get it in there without breaking it, I'll give you another 5 bucks. Six dollars... six ofyou. It's way too crowded. I'm way too claustrophobic. -l'll take the next one. -You sure? Okay... bye. Help. -You're going away for the holidays? -l doubt it. -Did Mr. Keane enjoy his trip? -What trip? -Just yesterday. -l wouldn't call that a trip. I've never been to Ohio. lt's amazing how little I've seen ofthis country. Cool... I'm gonna get me some hot chocolate... -ls it straight? -Not straight. What were you doing in Ohio? I had a meeting with heart specialist. He's willing to operate. That's exactly what I didn't want you to do. You went behind my back. You lied to me. -This what we talked about... -Cut it out! Stop! No, we talked about that! You do not want to die! You want to live! You think I haven't been through this? So many times! I don't want to give people hope when there isn't any. Why not? Maybe, we need hope. Maybe, I need to know that I've done everything that I could do. If I'm gonna... What would I do, Will ifyou weren't here? Where would I be? Seriously? You'll never have to worry about that. I'll do whatever I have to do. I'll tear up the papers. I'll tell the doctors. Whatever you want. Cause I really want... I don't to leave you. You know? No. No,no,no. -This is really good. -What? -This is much better than mine. -No, you didn't! -Yeah, I did. -Oh, God! -Forgeries! -Yeah, a lot ofthem. Mine...yours... Will? Will? -What are you doing in there? -Nothing. Hey, no, no! Go back! Give me another minute, alright? -No, you're going to tire yourselfout. -This I've got to see! -Go back! Back! -l can't believe it. Oh, my God! Alright. Almost. Hold on, hold on. Finishing up. Hold on now. Just a second. Here we are. Okay! Alright. Surprise! It's New York. This is Grandy. -You won't have long. -All right. "Time cannot break... the bird's wing from the bird." "The bird and wing together... go down, one feather." "No thing that ever flew..." "...not the lark, not you..." "Can die as others do." What have I done to you? You ruined me for other women. I saved you for them. is she type`n' cross 6 for units? What're we waiting for? -Just you, Doctor. -Let's move! -l don't believe it. -What? I'm here with my father and my son. Form an orderly line, and have your papers and identification ready. Move along, please, and keep to the left side. Proceed immediately to the customs hall, please. Please have your baggage ready for inspection. I'm sure he's there. Come here. Where's your gun, you paddy bastard? Eh? You'll hang for this. You little shit. All right then. Come on. In you go. You're the Irish bloke they were talking about. IRA, *** Fucking hell I'm Charlie Milwall. *** I don't like fucking sailors. I love your Irish accent, china. Who were you bringing the stuff to? I'm no informer. Do you know what happens when we hang you? You swing there at the end of a rope with the biggest hard­on you ever had, only it's too late. You're dead. You've never had any. Ever been with a girl, Brendan? You do like girls, don't you, Brendan? Maybe he doesn't like girls. No? What's he doing with this then, eh? That's not mine. We need to know your contact in this murder gang. The IRA is not a murder gang. Then why are they being hanged for murder? They're dying for the country. Condemned men on the way. Up the republic. We'll teach you how to behave. You Irish shit house. Paddy bastard. Brendan? Brendan? You're all right mate? They were - putting a rope around my neck. It's just a dream mate. Is all it is. It's just a dream. I could feel it ***. Just a bad dream, is all it is.. Just a bad dream, Brendan. Your're gonna be allright china. You will be allright. You stay away from me! Do you hear? No. No. No. You're spoiling this ***. No. No. No. You stay away from me. Stay away from me! The girl said she was seventeen. I'd no idea she was so young. I'm very sorry, mylord. Three years borstal. Next! Three sodding years. Bastards. Listen. Apologize to the judge, agree to cooperate, and you could be back home in Dublin by the end of the week. Calling Brendan Behan. You stand accused of the most heinous and vile conspiracy. It would give me nothing but pleasure to don my black cap and pronounce the severest sentence under the law. I came here to fight for the Irish workers and small farmers republic. I will not allow political speeches in my court! Up the republic! All right. All right. All right. What did you get? Are they going to hang you Irish or what? I'm under age. I got four years borstal. All right you boys. Come on, step lively. ***? Safe journey? Yes, sir. We have three civilians, ***** for detention. Excellent. ********** All right, boys. ***. Hands out of your pockets. Come on. Lock him up. Bet he's in for a rather unplesant time. Gentlemen, there is not much point in escape. There you go, Jock. In the first place, it's so easy, there is no glory to it. Second, the army are laying mine fields, so it's jolly dangerous to be wandering about. And third, the military is just up the road. So, having caused everyone a great deal of bother, You will be brought back. So, don't sneak off without telling me. I trust we shall have no further use of chains. You are borstal boys now. Are you the IRA boy? Yes, sir. Yes, I understand you had a rather rough time in Walton. Well, that's all behind you now, so, keep your nose clean and you will do fine. Carry on chief! Right you lads. Attention! Attention! Quick march! Jesus! Do you feel like a kiddo boy? You got that right. Fellows, we got some new recruits. Right chaps. Just get your stuff organized beside the bed that you want. Right? I will have this one. No, sir. That's my bed. Was. Sorry? Sorry? I'm in charge now. All right? Hey, what's his story? Polish Jew. Caught stowed away in a British ship. Why aren't you wearing shorts? Head boy in each hut wears longs. # We are the peat bog soldiers # marching with their spades # na ***. Hey, Brendan. How comes a Yid knows an Irish song? No, it's a German song. My granny taught it to me. Was your granny from Germany? No. She's Irish, but she's a communist. And she knows every song from here to China and back. Wish I had a granny like that. Oi, you. What's your name? Milwall, sir. Put your back into it, Milwall. This is not an old ladies' camp. Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. How long are you in for? If the Germans come, I am dead. I must get to Palestine. There I am safe. You'd be safer in a neutral country. Like Ireland. Neutral? What is neutral? It is not in the war. That's our way out. Come on, lads. You escape? Vhen? Not for a while. There is someone I have to talk to first. Come on. We've not got all day. Hey, guys. Where the hell is my tobacco? Who's the thief? Look, I had a whole pack, and it's gone. Maybe the pigs took it, **? Jock. How far did you get when you escaped? Are you thinking on escaping? I am the expert escaper round here. How far did you get? About five miles. The whole area has been cleared of civilians in case there's an invasion. 'Course, only *** bastard *** has got a shotgun and a bloodhound. Can't believe it. Where we head if we ... Train station. I need to get to Glasgow. Nobody will find me, never. What? They found you easy enough the first time, didn't they? Hey, nobody has escaped from here but me. Right? I have a reputation to protect. This is my escape. I decide who goes. What makes you so especial? I'm a POW. It's my duty to escape. Eww. What's a POW? Prisioner of war. Well, if we are going to do it, we need do it right. You know, I mean, get rid of these rags, get proper cloths and all. The first thing we need is a map. We need to know where we are going, Jock. A map! Where do we gonna get a map? It is a rather unusual request. These things are very hard to come by in war time, but... we'll do our best. Thank you, sir. It doesn't matter if it's a second-hand ball, sir. Once it's a ball. Any type of real ball, sir. Once it bounces, sir. I do not see what this war has got to do with you. You're Canadian. What about Hitler? We've all got to fight Hitler. Excuse me, miss. You dropped something. - Oh, thank you. Charlie Milwall, at your service, miss. Thank you, Charlie. Isn't she a bastard? Just thinking about her is enough to have your prick cut off. See, what you buggers don't understand, is that women are gagging for it. Not from the likes of you, you big scottish poof. Hey. There's no poofters up north. Can't say the same for in here. I've got in love with that Scot waiting from me in Glasgow. That's why I'm going to escape. I've got to. I bet she is not as juicy as the one I did. You what? He's in for rape, isn't he? Good, was she? Better than you lot could ever imagine. Bobby Emmell on our corner got married at sixteen. He gets it every night. Married? What a mug. You see, the best part is taking it when it is not being offered. I wouldn't mind having a go at the governor's daughter. Hello, Dad. Elizabeth. I'm home. As you insisted. Well, you can't stay in London in the middle of the blitz. I'd be in Paris if it wasn't for this stupid war. You can't blame me for the Germans being in Paris. I blame all men for war. Don't talk nonsense, Elizabeth. I'm an artist. How am I expected to paint here? Well, if you are really serious about it, well, surely you can paint anywhere. You're hopeless. Elizabeth... Look, dad, don't treat me like one of your prisoners. What are you looking for? You know, a map book. What kind of book would that be? A book of pictures of... just pictures. Comic books are over there. Brilliant! Great, thanks. And you're our Irish rebel, am I right? Only one, as far as I know. I've got the very thing for you. by Frank Harrison. The life of Oscar Wilde... I'm not interested in Oscar Wilde. Blasphemy! Fellow Irishman, fellow jailbird and rebel... You know what he was done for, don't you? I know there aren't any songs about him. Which is odd, for a rebel. He was put in jail for buggering the son of the marquis of Queensbury. Shocking, what? He was no Irishman if he was up to that caper. No, local history. What have you got on local history? Let's see. Must be good. You'll get blind, china. Here, have this light *** here, take it, it's yours. I - I don't mind. I'm fine as I am. Why being such a brick? You took care of me when we were in jail, I took care of you. We're meant to look out for each other. That's what friends are for, ain't it? You're not my friend. What did you do, then? Shut your mouth. Right then. Time for the final. All right lads, get together. I expect a fair contest, no biting, no kicking. Play! I only want to talk to you. Save your breath. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here, but as long as I'm here, we're going to respect each other. Understand? What do you think of them, John? They're both rather good. Give it to him, Charlie. Just friends? Yeah. Do you submit? No. Don't make me hurt you, china. Yes. Submission! Yes! And the winner by submission is Milwall, in the red corner. Well done. Hard luck, lad. Well done, Milwall. Congratulations on a splendid wrestling final. Milwall, we have a small prize for you, which I know will come in useful. Go on, open it. Show us, Charlie. Someone must have sat on it. Friends. That's all. I don't want to hear that "china" stuff, right? China plate - mate. Just rhyming slang. See, if you mean "friend", you can call me "china" any time I like. You understand that? It's like ice, Brendan. It's freezing. Looks like you're having a circle in here. I'm not queer. I like girls. I knew that from the beginning. How did you know? By your hair. My hair? How can you tell by my hair? Your split's the wrong side. Us queers, we split it the other way. That's how we know one another. I'm sorry, I... You want some? Aw, come on, we just finished *** All right, all right. Will you take me with you? What? When you escape, you'll take me along. I don't believe it. That's sacrilege, what they're doing. Hey you boys, don't do that in front of a Welshman. That ball is meant for throwing, not kicking. Here, I'll show you. Come on, come on. Give me the ball. Right boys, get in line. Right across the field. You hold the ball firmly, and pass like that. Boys, that's what you call rugby. It's good. It's kind of like American football. You want to give it a shot? I leave English games to the English. I'm on it. Good throw, Mac. Break apart. Break apart. We're going to get cheek to cheek, and I don't mean ballroom dancing. I'm talking about your cheek against the other man's backside. Right boys, down with you now. That's it. Push. Hold it, here's the ball. Hold on there, lads. I need some voluntiers with experience in painting and decorating. No sex offenders. Proper decent criminals only. Come on then! Irish. Milwall. One more than. Jock. Right. Follow me, then. OK, lads. In here. It's a dump, sir. No way! No way! There you go, miss. Thank you chief. My father insists I can make this a studio. What do you think? Yeah. Yeah. A coating of paint, you won't know this place. Aye. Obviously, these ***... going to need to replace them, but... Maybe a plastering over there. Light's a problem. Talking about "light's a problem". There's plenty of light. It's facing East. Which makes it bright in the morning, but dark in the afternoon. See, an artist needs an even light. Is he right, Miss? So, you know what you are talking about. I always know what I'm talking about. And where did you learn about light? My people are all painters. Really? Anyone I would heard of? House painters. My mother had a picture painted once, it's hanging in the National Gallery of Ireland. M-Maybe you've seen it? No, I never been to Ireland. At least you had a mother. I never knew mine. No mother, so terrible. Yeah. I was grown up in an orphanage. I just hope some day I'll have a girl of me own. I am sure you will Charlie. Just get out of there, Milwall. You were never an orphan. All right. I didn't know my mother. I used to dream of being an orphan. Anyway, she seemed to like it, didn't she? Well, tell you, there's no way I am slaving for that upper class bitch! I'm no scabbie, nah. What those every escape operation need? Don't know. A headquarters. Hey Brendan. Look here. Hey. What you think you are playing up, brown eyes? Hello Brendan. Hello. This is Lieutenant Kidd, from the army base. This is Brendan. He is building my studio. My father served in Ireland. So did mine. Really? What regiment? First battalion, Dublin brigade, Irish Republic Army. Aw, IRA. David, why don't you challenge Brendan and the boys to a game of rugby? Wow. Are you up to it? Of course. Hey. What are you tackling? Leave him, damm. Useless jewboy! Come on back. Yeah. Army bet me a bottle of whisky if you don't score in the second half. Come on! There is more than honor in stake. All right. Let's go. The luck of the Irish. Looks like he's got it. Elizabeth. Bye. "Reviewing the momentous events of this great period of history" His Majesty the King, accompanied by Mr Churchill, toured the devastated streets of Coventry that has suffered the most indiscriminate and vicious attacks of Hitler's Luftwaffe. This was Coventry Cathedral. The cathedral spire and the front remain, the rest is rubble. The King accompanied some of the men who have lost their homes in the German bombing. God, that's the stuff. Mac's going to help with the... with the escape. The people's spirit is magnificent, and everything possible has been done to relieve their suffering. The plucky people of Coventry assured the Prime Minister the industrial... We work in the laundry. So we're going to nick some civilian clothes. We're on our way, china. We're on our way. All right, everyone. Only a mile to go. Come on, lads, no slacking! What's the matter with you, Jock? Sick, sir. He's had a little bit too much cake, sir. *** # We are the peat bog soldiers # marching with our spades # to the moor. This was the best day ever! So, when do we go? We've got to be very early on Saturday morning. 'Cause there's no head count Saturday, so no one'll raise the alarm 'til Sunday. Yep. If we get to the *rear line*, we have a chance. Yeah. If we have ***, it's got to work. Well, well, well. Hey. Look who's here. Hello, boys. Planning a little trip, are we? This is nothing to do with you, Dale. I'm taking over. I'm going instead of the Jew. Piss off, Dale. You shouldn't be siding with foreigners against your own. James is going instead of you. So are you? All right. All right. This is my escape! No Jew's. And no queer's. - Bastard. So Brendan-- have we got a deal? It's not fair, Brendan. Life's not fair, Charlie. When do we go? Next Saturday night. - Good. ***, arsehole. - Aye. Thanks a lot, china. It's time to go. You got the map? I gave you the bleedin' map! I thought you had the map! Aw, come on, bastard. Let's go. - All right, let's go. Here. This way. Come on! Jump. Show your guts. *** yourself. Come on. It's too high. - Come on! You're the best bleeding' china I ever had. Yeah. You too. This is not on the map, it ain't. Come on, lads. This'll do. That poxy Irish bastard! I should've known! I should've known he was a traitor! How many, Chief? There are five boys not accounted for, sir. All right, lads. ****** No. - We're heading in the right direction. It must be *** So basically, we have no idea where we are. Whooo! - Oh yes! It's the *Dead Sea*! - ******** *********************** ************ [[ kaddish ]] So, you're with the Prince of Wales? Yes, sir. She's had ***. Wouldn't you rather be with her? Absolutely, sir. Well, you request transfer back, I'll see what I can do. Thank you, sir. Very much, sir. Well. What's all that about? *** me ship set in for action. Oh. You going? Difficult choice, Brendan. As a prisoner of war, it was my duty to escape. Oh, I see. So now two boys are dead? Yes, sir. You have nothing to save yourself, Milwall? I was just sticking for my china, sir. So if he jumped off a bridge, you'd follow? Yes, sir. You boys are going to have to live with this for the rest of your lives. But you do have a choice. You can carry on as before, skulking about like thieves and liars, in which case you will spend the rest of your lives in prison. Or you can take a good, long, hard look at yourselves and take responsibility for your actions and their consequences. So make your choice. Three months detention or your word that you'll make a new start. What'll it be? I bet you thought it was really clever that you could jump the escape, didn't you? Aye? Can't hear you? Get off him, you bastard! Get off me! Get off me! What's going on here? Nothing, sir, nothing. Just having a bad dream, that's all. You all right, Behan? I'm fine. It's coming on. Here. Just a sketch. ***, china. Will make a good "Wanted" poster. You must feel terrible about your friends. About killing them, you mean? It wasn't your fault, Brendan. Your father thinks it was. "Each man kills the thing he loves." Wh-What do you mean? " The coward does it with a kiss, " The brave man with a sword." What's that? It's Oscar Wilde, the Ballad of Reading Gaol. You should read it. Here, miss. Here's your picture. You keep it, Charlie. *** fancies *** What are you reading then, Irish? Oscar Wilde. Oh, the poofter, that one. Wasn't he a jailbird, like myself. You have an answer for everything, haven't you, Irish? Who is it from? It's from me granny. She misses me. I was always her favourite. She gave me this. It's Brendan the Navigator. He is a patron saint of sailors. I should have it then. I'm the bleeding sailor. So you should. No. Come on. Take it. No, I can't take that. I can't. Of course you can. Now the Navigator will keep you safe. It's wonderful! It's not done yet. I don't know what to say. How can I ever pay you? Some booze, cigarettes,... what do you reckon, Brendan? some food? I'ld love to put on a play. Play? What? Yeah. A play. Do you think your father would let us? What, Christmas pantomime? What, Cinderella? What do you mean? That's a great idea. No. I was thinking of something by Oscar Wilde. And you want me to ask. Is that the idea? Yeah! "I hope to-morrow will be a fine day, Lane." "It... ne-ver... it never is, sir." "Lane, you're a perfect pessimist." That's you. "I-I doh... I do my best... "to-to gay... give "sa-sa-sa-sati... Huh? Satisfaction. Satisfaction. "I do my best to give satisfaction, sir!" That's great, Jock. Yeah, good stuff. - *** Who am I going to get to play the girls? Well, frankly, I have always felt I was born to play a great lady, so... perhaps I could be your Lady Bracknell? Yeah! Then the only question is, who is to play Gwendolen and Cecily? It's so hard to tell someone that you like them, don't you find? I mean-- it's so hard to find the right words. Do I know this person? Yes. You have to tell him. What if he doesn't feel the same? There's only one way to find out. Tell him. OK. Come on. Quickly. I've got me breasts *** Quickly *** How do I look? I think you look like a proper little Madam. Lady Bracknell and Miss Fairfax, sir. Good afternoon, dear Algernon, I hope you are behaving very well. I'm fine, Aunt Augusta, thank you. Go away. Break a leg. - Thank you. I have some questions for you. Do you smoke? Well, yes, I must admit I smoke. I am glad to hear it. A man should always have an occupation of some kind. How old are you? I'm twenty-nine, Lady Bracknell. A very good age to be married at. Just preparing tea, sir. Do you think we should marry them? Yes. I mean no. Your Christian names are still an insuperable barrier. That is all! Our Christian names! Is that all? But we are going to be christened this afternoon. For my sake you are prepared to do this terrible thing? I am. To please me you are ready to face this fearful ordeal? I am. Darling. Darling. Gwendolen! What does this mean? Merely that I am engaged to be married. It seems you are displaying signs of triviality. On the contrary, Aunt Augusta. For the first time in my life, I've finally realised the vital Importance of Being Earnest. No, no! Come back! No! Don't you worry! I'm not... Bravo! Congratulations to all of you. Thank you. Your *** was splendid! The Scottish accent really worked! Ah, it's nothing. It's not that exciting. That was quite a performance. We're all going to celebrate. Do you want to come? I can't go to the dorms. Of course you can. No, really, I can't. Aw, come on. I'll look after you. I'd like to. But I can't. Do it again! Do it again. - All right. He cracks me up every time. Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr Charles Milwall! Now, get your lips round that ***. What is it? What is it though? Cider. Where'd you get it? Nicked the keys to the stores. Oh yeah, I forgot you're a thief. # The bells of hell go ding-a-ling-a-ling # for you but not for me. You know how my old dad used to make the ***? From apple *** When he had the apple juice all cast, before he put the lid on, he'd throw in a quart of brandy. And a dead rat. It's disgusting! Do we skin the ***? # O Death, where is thy sting-a-ling-ling # O Grave, thy victoree? ********** The next person to get this is the first one that brings me Milwall's kit box. Me faster! Me me me! - What do you want that for? Here's to Life. To Life. It was strange wh-when I kissed you during the play. Felt all right. Because it was someone else. - Yeah. Does that make sense? - Yeah. Well, well. You don't have to pretend to be anyone. You just be yourself. Can I? Yeah. Wouldn't like to be in his shoes. Who's that? Someone's coming. Brendan. Hello, Charlie. *** wants you up at the dorm. What does he want me for? Hello, Charles. All right? I wonder where these had got to. Nothing to do with me. How about this then, Charlie? I quite like this. I might steal it for myself. Yeah, take that. You really don't take the piss, though. So where'd you get it? None of your business. So fuck off. I know what I'd quite like to fuck. Well, come on then. Why don't you? You little bastard? What's up now? You're not man enough, aye? You dirty little... Bend him over. No! No! That's not right! Stay out of this, Jock. *** *** little queer! - Fuck off! Get off me! Charlie? Liz! Liz, go out! What--? Open the door! - It's all right. No, no, it's all right. Let me out! I want to go out! Open the door! *** Let me go! ***, eh? You bastard! Let her go, Dale! Dale! Stop! Brendan, stop it! Get off of me! Brendan-- Brendan-- Don't leave me, Brendan. Please. You all right? - Yes. Yes. Charlie-- What's the matter? ****. Brendan tried to save me! And he assaulted another boy. I have no choice. You devoted your whole life to saving these wretched boys, and now you have one worth saving, and you're going to throw him away? Because rules are rules! Your precious rules always mattered more to you than I did. That's simply not true, Elisabeth. No? Well, prove it. Bend your precious rules for me. I'm out. I'm joining my ship. I see that. Wh-Where are you headed for? - Singapore. Singapore? - Yeah. Can't get much further away from the Germans than that. - No. Oi, when you're done ***, we do have a war to fight, you know. Aye, aye, sir. Well, then... I'll see you. - Yeah. Yeah. It's all right, china. - Yeah. See you, chaps. Brendan, do you know what I've just realized? What's that? The importance of being earnest. So... - Get on the bus. Take it easy, Brendan mate. - Good luck, Albert. ***. That's right. Take her away. Just saying goodbye, sir. You're hopeless. See you. Try the next line. "O lad... that... that I love... I..." "Loved." - "Loved." "Of a lad that I loved"? How a man can love another man? Not just... you know, but love? Do you love your father? I hate the bastard. I love my wee brother You love a man then, don't you? That's not the same thing. It is, you know. Look that way. That's not fair. I won't show you your portrait unless you show your writing with me. But I'm in your painting. And I'm not in your writing? You wouldn't understand it. Try me. " Blas sméara dubh' " tréis básteach " ar bharr an tsléibhe. " I dtost an phriosúin " feadail fhuar na traenach. " Cogar gáire beirt leannán " don aonacán. " That's it. Give it to me in English. No. Teach me some Gaelic then. No. Well, at least tell me what it means. It's called "Uaigneas". It means, "Loneliness". " The tang of blackberries wet with rain on the hilltop " In the silence of the prison " the clear whistle of the train " the happy whispering of lovers " The lonely one " It's not bad. It's much better in Gaelic. It's wonderful, Brendan. It is. It's wonderful. Teach me some more, then. Yeah. Uaigneas. - Uaigneas. Cluas. - Cluas. Cluas eile. - Cluas eile. Aon, dó. - Aon, dó. Súil. - Súil. Súil eile. - Súil eile. Aon, dó. - Aon, dó. Srón. - Srón. Béal. - Béal. You're supposed to say stop. - I don't want to. Details of the devastation wrought by Japan's sneak attack on Pearl Harbour are still being released by the United States Government. America was not at war, and no danger was thought to be within 1,000 miles of Hawaii. - Aye, aye, *** news shite. - Japanese bombs did tremendous damage to American sea power, which was based upon Pearl Harbour. The result, of course, has been disastrous. "First films of the havoc inflicted on that fateful Sunday Dec 7th 1941" Meanwhile, Britain faces the shocking news that she too has been the victim of Oriental deceit. Attacks have taken place at Hong Kong and Malaya. Most shocking of all, *** the loss of the pride of the Royal Navy, HMS Prince of Wales. Caught in the waters of Singapore, the gallant ship put up an heroic defence before succumbing to the overpowering air attack. First reports point to the tragic loss of the entire ship's company, 2,000 men and boys. 39,000 tons, ten 40-inch guns. Lies on her side, capsized under the *rubble. Brendan. Brendan-- are you OK? Stay away from me. It's all right. It's all right. It's OK. It's-it's all my fault. No, it's not your fault. Listen to me. It's not your fault. It's not. It's OK. Charlie said to give it to you. He said it'll keep you safe. No. No. Right. We're prepared to grant you an early release. But to do that, we need you to denounce the IRA. I've-- tried betrayal. It doesn't suit me. You see, Brendan-- we need an undertaking that you've stopped fighting us. I'll promise not to take up arms against England until you've finished this bastard Hitler. Beyond that, I reserve my options. We'll need that in writing. I can't do that. A borstal boy's word is good enough for me. Thank you, sir. Is that how you see me? You're not a laughing boy. I was brought op to hate the English. I had to come here to learn about love. And what did you learn about love? It's much stronger than hate. I learned that from you and Charlie. I had it both ways. Just like Oscar Wilde. You will write? What's the point? Not to me. Write. For everyone. Slán. Slán. Expulsion order? Are you Brendan Behan? - I am. ***. - ***. Must be wonderful to be free. Must. Josie! Put the music back on, we have to finish. She's going to marry an Australian... and they'll feed their children fish and chips. You are very fortunate, Patrizia. Are you going to let your daughter run around like a gypsy? You're not too old to be slapped, you know. If I had McDonalds here, you'd always be hungry. I was taught to speak English before your mother was born. How you cannot be like Roberto, I never understand. Look at your hair. Who do you belong to? You misinterpret everything. What did I do to deserve a grand-daughter and a daughter... who talk to me like I'm a dog on the street? I am an old woman and I deserve respect. Go and get me my tablets. You've given me a headache already! You are cursed this way because of Christina. All the curses come from the mother. So that's why Mama's life turned out the way it has... because of her mother. Go home, Josie. I do not want you here. Michael Andretti! Josie, show Michael to the salone. Come in, Come in. Did you know Christina had a daughter? Josie! Where you going? I don't know who she took after. Happy Easter! Excuse me, Everyone. Look who's here! Can you believe this is my little Christina? You remember Josie? Marcus Sandford taught us to make this salad. I bet she had a passionate affair with Marcus Sandford. Don't be silly. She was a married woman. He was good to us during the war, that's all. We cried so much when our men were interned. Is Ricardo dead or alive? Maybe he ate my pasta Patrizia? Signore Sandford, he just did! Thats why English, we speak well! All the time, I would say, "Christina, do not go near that maleducato. He's on the drugs!" The police were always there And this poor mother was on her tablets In front of my eyes and I didn't see. Why him? Why disgrace me with Pia Andretti's son? Of all people! Go get my photo album on the dresser. Look Josie, a gypsy. Look! Me at 17. Christina. And you. Triplets! My Mama would say, "Katia, you are a gypsy out of control... who would want you?" But the men still came. Five men came to ask me for my hand in marriage, when I was your age. Every week, "Marry me, Katia Torello, marry me". But it was my father who chose Francesco. This was taken on the boat. I was dancing! And the men! The way they look at me. I was most beautiful than all. Some of the men even said, "Forget Francesco, run away with me!" I was very very lonely in Australia. I was in a place Josie, where I did not belong. And every day there were people who say to me with that look, "Katia Alibrandi, you do not belong." I can make this exactly the same, Josie. Exactly. This is material from your glory box. What chance do you have of marriage when the devil's cursed your life? Are you going to help me with my hair? Where you going? To parents and teachers night? I don't want that name mentioned in this house. Who is this man, Presilio? Does he know about you? Know what? Am I sick, mama? I don't like it, when you go out and neglect your daughter. I'm an old woman, I'm tired of fighting. And I'm a young woman, I'm tired of being old. People will talk, it'll be me that suffers. I understand, Christina. None of you care that it's me who suffers. None of you. Year after year, every Christmas Francesco would go away to work. And leave me all by myself in the bush. I was in danger. Snakes on the floor Josie. No tiles, just dirt! I met him in the post office. I opened a letter from Patrizia, who was still living in Sicilia. Josie, my Mama and Papa are dead. Influenza. I began to cry, screaming, pulling my hair. On the floor, crying. "Why? Why?" Those poor Australiani look at me like I'm a crazy woman. Nobody moved. Then someone picked me up off the floor and carried me out the back. He spoke to me in English and I cried to him in Italian... but we understood each other. I never stopped being sad that I lost this Australian friend. It was destiny for your friend, to die this way. When you were born, Francesco said, That I was never to see you and Christina. But nothing would stop me from seeing my bambola. And I could see that, this baby would be the one to stop the curse. Do you want me to do your hair now? You don't understand what it was like... to live with a man who treats you like farm animals. I did my duty. I stayed with him. That was my penance. Do you think he didn't know? Of course he knew. He couldn't give me children. He asked me this 17 years after I married him and I put up with his disgusting ways. Thinking it was me all the time. Me, failing. So you know what I did? I hit him. I despised him. I had lost so much. It was not like being with Francesco who used me for 2 minutes this man, he undressed me careful. Careful! As if I was special. In my marriage bed, Josie. And he loved... he loved me. He begged me... but I couldn't disgrace my family. What would happen to my daughter? Do you think the Italians would let her play with their children... or the Australians would accept her? You must believe me, Josie. Everything, every single thing I did was for Christina. I did everything to protect her. To keep her safe from the Devil. and the Devil, he lived next door. and got in through a hole in the fence. I see Marcus every time I look at Christina. In my heart, I've had only one husband. Who I left behind in Queensland. when I was pregnant. If I didn't... my daughters life would be worth nothing. Oh God. Let my daughter understand that my sin was her curse. No. Never. Never tell Christina. [ Chorus ] # The Simpsons # [ Alarm Blaring ] Fire! Fire! Fire! [ Gasps ] Oh, no! What do I save? [ Screeches ] Trophies, trophies. Oh - Ooh! Attendance. Don't panic! Don't panic! Don't panic! Get in. Move it. This is not a drill. Good work, everyone. We're sure to be first in line for Duff Days. You set off the smoke alarm to rush us to a beer festival? [ Chuckles ] I know. I'm a character. Now, a little beer music to get in the mood. - ##[ Rolka ] - [ Both Gasp ] Looking for these? ## [ Humming ] - ##[ Stops ] - [ Both Sigh ] ## [ Polka ] Drink Duff... [ Softly ] responsibly. Drink Duff... [ Softly ] responsibly. - Now, which one of you is our designated driver? - [ Homer Grunting ] - Twist off, damn it! - [ Moaning ] I guess I'll be driving. Right this way to the Duff Designated Drivers' Rockin' Fun Zone. Rockin' Fun Zone? That sounds fun. I don't see the need for razor wire. Ooh, there's Ulysses S. Grant, Babe Ruth- [ Gasps ] Ben Franklin. Early to bed. [ Hiccups ] Early to rise. Ya think-Ya think you're better than me? Huh? [ Groans ] Okay, kids, who wants to see what it's like to get drunk? [ All Shouting ] [ All Moan ] [ Screaming ] Now you're charming. You don't know me. [ Moaning ] This guy here, this is the guy. [ Laughing, Moans ] [ Man ] All right, Springfield... belly up for the Duff Beer-tender of the year contest. Now, fresh from his appearance before the House Subcommittee on Teenage Alcoholism... - ##[ Dance Rock ] - Duff Man! Are you ready for some Duff love? - [ Cheering ] - All right! Today, we're gonna find out which of these bartenders... - has the right stuff to dispense Duff? - ##[ Dance Rock ] From the Green Potato Pub at O'Hare International Airport... - Michael Finn. - [ Cheering ] From Juggernauts in Hollywood, California, Titania. [ Cheering ] And now, the local lug who fills your mug with the drug you chug- oh,yeah- give it up for Moe Szyslak. Hello, Springfield. How ya [ Moaning ] - [ Cheering ] Whoo-hoo-hoo! Okay, our first event qualifies for course credit... at Dartmouth College- Trick Pouring. [ Man ] #For goodness sake # #I got the hippy, hippy shakes # # Yeah, I got the shakes ## [ Carl Chuckles ] That spells "Duff." Go, Moe! Boo, everyone else. I think we know who wins this round. - Titania! - [ Cheering ] Duff Beer is brewed from hops, barley... and sparkling clear mountain what? - [ Bell Dings ] - Goat. - Uh, close enough! - [ Cheering ] [ Sighs ] You can really taste the goat. making the previous rounds a complete waste. - ##[ Dance Rock ] - [ Cheering ] Don't forget. Today's winner will be immortalized on our new Duff calendar. All right, guys, one, two, three. Moo? Lenny, you were supposed to be "E." See what happens when you skip rehearsal. ##[ Fanfare] All right, bartenders, toss your drunks. - [ Grunts ] And stay out! - [ Cheering ] - [ Moaning ] - Ew! You said if I slept with you, I wouldn't have to touch the drunk. Duff Man says a lot of things. Oh, yeah! Hmph! [ Straining ] - [ Screaming ] - [ Gasping ] [ Crowd Sighs ] - [ Groans ] - [ Cheering ] And the winner, Moe Szyslak! Oh, that's great. Thank you. Thanks a lot. Uh, I just want to say that it was an honor for me... to compete with the mick and the, uh, chick with the rack there. - Yeah, all right, Moe! - That's my Moo! And now, to take your official calendar portrait... Duff's vice president in charge of calendars and fake I.D.'s... Phil Angelides! [ Cheering ] - [ Gasps ] - That's a mug you don't wanna chug. Knock it off, Larry. We can't put this face on our calendar. [ Grunting ] When I get home, there are gonna be a lot of open pickle jars. That one. - Kids, would you like a balloon? - Yeah, right, Mom. Then I'd like a rattle and a "wollypop." Actually, I would like a "wollypop." Those balloons won't biodegrade for 1 0,000 years. If Bart gets a wollypop, I want a wollypop. Ah, Maggie wants a balloon. And Daddy will take a hand stamp so he can get back in. - [ Groans ] -Just kidding. Remember my face. [ Moe] Ah, boy. [ Moans ] [ Groans ] Moe, the new Duff calendars are out- the ones with your picture! Oh, boy! Move over liquor license. Hey, Moe, this license expired in 1 973... and it's only good in Rhode Island, and it's signed by you. Yeah, yeah, I've been meaning to get that updated... for this state and real. Now, let's see the poster boy for the new Moe-llenium! Hey-They put a sticker over my face. Hey. "Viva la"- "Kiss Me"- What? Hey! Ah, for the love of Jeff. Ah! Oh. Am I really that ugly? - Moe, it's all relative. Is Lenny really that dumb? - Huh? - Is Barney that drunk? - [ Moans ] - Is Homer that lazy, bald and fat? - [ Sighs ] Oh, my God! It's worse than I thought! - [ Sobbing ] - [ Sobbing ] See, this is why I don't talk much. I can't believe they put those stickers over my face. [ Sighs ] I must be the ugliest man alive. Oh, Moe, there's lots of people uglier than you. Like, you ever been to White Castle? Oh, boy. Pigtown, U.S.A. Come on. Look at me. I'm a gargoyle... what, with the cauliflower ear there and the lizard lips- - Little rat eyes. - Caveman brow. - Don't forget that fish snout. - Okay, I get it. I ain't pleasant to look at. - Or listen to. - Or be with. Come on, Moe. Don't feel bad. There's too much emphasis on looks these days. That's why they won't let Bill Maher on TV before midnight. Hey, Moe, if you're tired of being an eyesore, why not get some plastic surgery? Plastic surgery, huh? Maybe they could dynamite Mount Crapmore here and carve me a new kisser. I don't know. Plastic surgery might make you look good on the outside... but you still might feel bad on the inside. But I'd look good on the outside, right? - Yeah, but you'd feel bad inside. - Plastic surgery it is! - Carl Carlson, you just saved my life. - [ Cash Register Dings ] Hey! Get outta there. - [ Giggling ] - Look at her. Must be great to be a baby and be so easily amused. I wish I could be entertained by two cents worth of rubber shaped like some colorful animal... dancing and twirling, dancing and twirling. - Hey, give me that! - It's mine! [ Whimpering ] - [ Screams ] - The door! - [ Grunts ] - [ Wind Gusting ] Oh, no! [ Sobs ] Okay, don't panic. I'll get the bikes. I hope they're hoverbikes. - Oh, man, that would be so awesome! - [ Moans ] Mm-hmm. Yeah. Hmm. [ Imitates Bomb Falling, Exploding ] - It's hopeless, ain't it? - No, no, no, I love a challenge. First, we must install buttocks. Nah, nah, nah, no luxury items. Just a face. Okay, I'm gonna move this up. This wider. I'm gonna lose that. I've never even seen one of these. Can the medical mumbo jumbo. Can you fix me or not? Well, we'll see. You know, most faces need a little remodeling... but this is a total teardown. Let me clean up this mess I made. Hey, hey! Hey, that really burns there! Oh, stop it. You're worse than Faye Dunaway. [ Bart Grunting ] Oh, we've gotta get closer. [ Moans ] I'm trying. Can't I get on your shoulders? I'm not riding a girl's bike. Hey, it's getting away! Step on it. Hyah! Hyah! - Stop kicking' me! - Hyah! Ooh, boy, what a mug! Yeah. You should see his genitals. Would you like to see them? I'm awake here. Uh-oh. This isn't anesthetic. It's new car smell. Sorry, Doctor. Ho! # Silver bells # # Silver bells # It's going into that building. [ Bart ] Nice suit,Jeeves. Daddy, I'm stealing! I'm stealing! Oh, that's my little dude. We need a symbol. Something that says we're gay and Republican. A little on the nose, don't you think? Excuse me. We just came to get our balloon. - Here you go. And have a bumper sticker. - Thank you. - "A gay president in 2084"? - We're realistic. Hurry! Hurry up! I have to pee! - Beautiful. - Okay, now do Moe. Well, Moe, now we see... if you go on my wall of fame, or my blooper reel. Oooh. [ Groans ] - [ Both Gasp ] - What? I'm a monster, right? I knew it. I guess I'll just crawl back to live in a sewer... periodically emerging to sue you. [ Gasps ] Is that me? Oopsie. We got some leakage. Let me just cauterize that for you. - [ Searing ] - [ Moe Moaning ] - Bye, Moe. - Don't be a stranger, handsome. Bye-bye. Homer, did you hear that? She called me handsome. Me? It's like I've gone to heaven. Uh- Wait a minute. I died on the operating table, didn't I? Yeah, but just for a minute. It's a funny story. I'll tell you sometime. - So this is all real? - Oh, you dear, dear man. You're one of us beautiful people now. And your new life begins today. A new life. A second chance... for revenge. That brown patch needs a little H2O. Oh, yeah! Hey, Duff Man, let's see how you like a sticker on your face! Yeah! Duff Man... can't breathe. Oh, no! Oh! - [ Doorbell Rings ] - Hello. Yeah, hello yourself. I'm Moe Szyslak. Back in high school, I asked you... to the Springtime Pumpkin Dance and you turned me down. Well, I just wanted to show you the face that you could have been kissing. - Yeah. - Oh, I was just a stupid kid back then. And I feel terrible about hurting you. - Will you accept my apology? - Apology? Uh, geez. I wasn't expecting that. Uh- Run! Man, that felt great! Okay, last stop, Channel 6. You gonna get even with that lottery guy that never picks our numbers? Nah, nah, nah. This is personal. It all goes back to my acting days. I was auditioning for the role of Dr. Tad Winslow... on the hit soap It Never Ends. - Angela, I'm afraid I- - [ Woman ] Thank you. Next. - What were you thinking? - Well, you said you wanted "gritty." In other words, ugly. I wanted Mary Ann on Gilligan's Island ugly... not Cornelius on the Planet of the Apes ugly. TV ugly, not ugly-ugly. I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly... but never ugly-ugly. Well, it's time to get some closure. Extreme closure. But I've been Dr. Tad Winslow for 25 years. It's time I got a raise! Oh, shut up, you windy old hack. And another thing, you have to stop calling me that. Remember me? Twenty-five years ago... you said I was too ugly to play Dr. Tad Winslow. I did? Well, that's why pencils have erasers, hon. - You're our new Dr. Tad Winslow. - Really? You mean it? But there can't be two Dr. Tad Winslows! That's going to - Oh. [ Moans ] I've been waiting all my life for this moment. [ Laughing ] Homer, whoa, whoa! Homer! Change of plans. Whatever. [ Male Announcer] Like the cleaning of a house, It Never Ends. With Gabriella DeFarge as Gabriella St. Farge. Allegra Hamilton as Sister Bernadette and Roxie Monoxide. And as Dr. Tad Winslow, Moe Szyslak. I don't know if I'll be able to accept Moe as Dr. Tad Winslow. Well, I'm gonna keep watching... as long as they have shocking story twists and endless pillow talk. Cleo Cleo You brought music to my heart but this relationship can never work. I'm a doctor, and you're a 5,000-year-old mummy I brought back to life. But I love you, Tad, and together we can burn all the cities of the Earth. It's against hospital regulations, damn it! And Clive Dancer is just waiting for me to slip up. So, Lenny, how are things working out with you and that girl next door? Eh, it's over. She got a window shade. [ All Gasp ] Whoa, whoa. If you must grope me, ladies, please, a little softer. - Okay, now harder. - [ Women Sigh ] - Hey, there are women in our bar. - Hey, Moe, beer me. I'm a little busy, Homer. You can pour it yourself. Hmm. This isn't nearly as complicated as Moe made it seem. [ Screaming ] [ Gurgling ] [ Chuckles ] I didn't bring you back to life so you could make a fool of me at the club! "You don't love me. The only thing you love is your ear, nose and throat pavilion." I've dedicated my life to diseases of the head holes. But the one hole I've never been able to fix is the one in my soul! That was amazing, Moe. I'm actually a little turned on. Hey, I got a gift. As a child, I was bitten by the acting bug. Then it burrowed under my skin and laid eggs in my heart. Now those eggs are hatching, and the feeling is indescribable. I know what you mean. Our dog had that. - [ Knocking ] - Excuse me. I got a delivery here for the producers. Top secret story lines? Uh, I'll sign for it. Uh, might as well have a little peak. [ Chuckles ] Hmm. Hmm! Looks like my character gets back together with that evil contessa. - The one with the amulet? - Precisely. Then I get in a skydiving accident and have to be rushed to the graveyard! They're killing off Dr. Tad Winslow. What? Let me see that. "Interior: Coroner's office. "Close-up on Dr. Winslow's mangled corpse. Coroner: Let's get that brain out and weigh it and call it a day." Yep, that does sound kind of bad. Well, if they're gonna stomp on my dreams... the least I can do is go out in a blaze of sour grapes. I never used to trust you, Contessa... but now you seem so nice. Why don't we celebrate your newfound trust in me... by taking a skydiving lesson? Well, how can I say no to such a captivating [ Homer] Ding-dong. - Whoa! It's the door! Dr. Winslow. - Why, who are you? - I am an angel from the future. - Angel? - What the- [ Bleeps ] Should I cut him off? No. Let's see where this is going. And what do you have to tell us, O angel of the future? You're going to die in a skydiving accident. How tragic. Tell me more. Gabriella's baby shower will be invaded by terrorists... with sexy results. Ooh, that's unexpected. What else? Well, Sister Bernadette will leave the convent and start a softball team... - with sexy results. - What's Dad doing on the show? Who cares? He's dishing out the dirt. And only then do we find out that Professor Galloway's half-sister... is plotting to take over International Perfume and Wine. [ Groans ] He just gave away a year's worth of story lines. Cut him off... now. - [ Both Laughing ] - Yes! What the hell are you doing? Sticking it to you for killing off my character. - Yeah! - Whoo! You idiot. Dr. Winslow was only going to die in a dream. - Wha- - Pink pages always mean a dream. I thought dreams was on goldenrod. No, goldenrod is for coma fantasies. I see. So, uh, what time tomorrow? Escort these men out... now. Get your hands off me! Get off! . I don't need your stinkin' show anyway! With a mug like this, I can get on any soap in Springfield. Hmph! [ Screams ] Oh! Oh, my face! I'm not supposed to put weight on it! [ All Gasp ] - [ All Gasp ] - What? What? - Sorry about your face, Moe. - Nah, it's just as well. That handsome face was nice, but it was too much maintenance. I had to wash it, rub it with neat's-foot oil. You did me a favor, Homer. And to think... - I was about to sell the bar to Hooters. - Yeah, you were - D'oh! Well, I guess that wraps it up. There's one thing I don't get though. When my face was crushed, why did it go back to my old face? Shouldn't it have turned into some kind of third face that was different? Don't make no- The doctor prescribed me this shit now. New Line presents a real nigger movie. Yeah. I'm high as a giraffe ass right now. Right now. "A Cubevision Production." This shit gonna be off the hook, nigger. Hit it again, Smokey. Cough it up your nose. This shit is on the one. This is a done one on this one. Yeah, buddy. You got a bong, nigger? This shit is killin' my sack. "Written by lce Cube." I thought that nigger was in jail. I helped write this motherfucker too. They all did. Look at the smoke. "Directed by Steve Carr." That motherfucker owes me some money. That's the nigger that owes me that money, man. {y:ib}In the movies, when you beat up {y:ib}the neighbourhood bully... {y:ib}you're supposed to live {y:ib}happily ever after. {y:ib}But in my neighbourhood, {y:ib}that's when all the drama starts. {y:ib}It was a Friday I'll never forget. {y:ib}I got high for the first time. {y:ib}I got shot at for the first time. {y:ib}And I finally kicked {y:ib}Debo's ass for the first time. {y:ib}Debo ended upgoing to jail {y:ib}for about four years. {y:ib}You win some. You lose some. But you live. You live to fight another day. {y:ib}There's rumours goin'around the hood {y:ib}that Debo's breaking out next Friday. {y:ib}And when he gets out, {y:ib}he's supposed to come to see me. {y:ib}And today is next Friday, {y:ib}and I still ain't got no job. Come on! Come on! {y:ib}Soon as my pops found out {y:ib}Debo was gettin' out ... {y:ib}he wanted me to move with my uncle {y:ib}and little cousin in Rancho Cucamonga... {y:ib}till things calm down... {y:ib}or Debo went back to prison, {y:ib}which ever comes first. Craig! Off your ass and on your feet. Ain't no time to beat your meat. All right. Be out in about 35, 45 minutes. You'll go blind, boy. Hurry up. This is Friday. We got to hit the highway. {y:ib}lfelt like the biggest punk {y:ib}around here. {y:ib}l whipped Debo's ass. {y:ib}He should be the one moving. When I'm gonna ride that? - Punk, you're walkin'! - But I'm tired. Craig! Will you come on! I don't want to hit that traffic. You had enough time to get yourself together. I don't believe this. I told that boy to put that hose away and cut that grass. Look at that grass. Stanley's grass look good. Mrs Johnson's grass look good. But look at my grass. No! When that boy get out of my house... I'm gonna change my number. Craig! Craig! Come on out of that house! Oh, damn! Goodness gracious. What's goin' on? Man. Use that brick to break that chain. You think it's the same brick Craig knocked your ass out with? Get out of here, you stupid mutt! - Here I come. - Will you bring your ass! Come on! You got me trying to break a chain with a brick? Let's go get some pussy, Debo. Fuck! Shit, man. Shut up! I got some unfinished business to deal with, and your butt gonna wait. What's the matter? I fell in some mud, and it's all your fault. - How is it my fault? - You're taking all day. And I told you to put that hose away and cut that grass. I didn't drop you on your head when you were a kid. Maybe your grandmother did. I remember the summer of'75-- {y:ib}I didn't want to leave {y:ib}my neighbourhood at all... {y:ib}especially my homeboy Smokey. {y:ib}But he went to rehab last month. {y:ib}And the way he smoke, {y:ib}ain't no tellin' when he gettin'out. {y:ib}Gonna sure miss him. I hate you, man. Here come that dog truck. Shut your mouth. We're about to fade to black. Stop! Get your ass out the car, Craig! This is the rematch! Thinkyou can beat on my big brother and get away with it? - Punch it! - I got your butt now! Debo! Help! Fake-ass Suge Knight! I'm gonna find you and put my foot up your ass! - Get up! - Damn. I ain't kickin' with you no more. I'm going to Mommy house. Did you see that? Them niggers are like some wild dogs. That's why moving with your Uncle Elroy and your cousin Day-Day is best. Your sister moved out. It's time foryou to move out too. It's time foryour mother and I to walk around the house naked ifwe want to. What? Y'all are trying to walk around the house naked? Yes, we are. We're going to do it tonight when I get off of work. I can't wait to see your mama naked. That big old booty bouncing' around. High-heeled shoes on, walking on that shag rug... givin' me a lap dance, boy. - And myjohnson swingin' - - Daddy! Ball goin' one way, johnson the other. The ball/johnson dance. Daddy! I don't wanna hear that. What's that smell? It must be your upper lip. I don't smell nothin'. I do! What it smell like? Like you didn't fall in mud. Use this spray. That's what I got this for. Too much! What's wrong with this window? That window don't come down. Remind me to get it fixed. Damn! Nice neighbourhood, huh? It's all right. Fake-ass Brady Bunch. Eighteen years, son... I been chasin' nasty, stinkin', dirty, filthy dogs. I been bitten by every dog there is in the world-- pit bull, boxers, collies, Seein' -Eye dogs. What about a Chihuahua? Twice! Then there's my brother Elroy. Everybody loves Elroy... a lazy nothin'! Hit the Lotto. I just can't understand it. - All right. You comin' in? - Hell no, I ain't goin' in there. I don't want to see Elroy's face or smell his stinkin' breath. It's going to be different living' out here. Don't let your uncle oryour cousin get you into any kind ofshit. I'm grown now. Can't nobody get me in trouble. I'm glad you said that. Since you're grown, don't bring your ass back home. Daddy, Craig's here! - Uncle Willie. - How you doin', Day-Day? - Where's your big-head father? - There he is right there. Hey, Unc! I heard you're running from an ass-whippin'. It ain't even like that. Talk to your brother. If it had been me, I'd have shot him. I know he'd have popped him. Hey, Willie! How's it goin'? Still stepping' in that dog shit every day? You take care of my boy. Don't worry about nothin', big bro. He's in the best hands in Rancho"Choke-among-us." I'm the king here. You just another nigger late paying' his rent. Ain't that right, nephew? - Yeah. - Wait, Craig. - Remember what I told you. - I'll remember. Now, Lotto stud... close my door, don't slam it. Can't even count to ten, and suddenly you hit the Lotto. Ain't that a bitch? Send Betty my love! - Boy, you lookin' good. - I can't call it. Give me that bag. When you're finished with him, come in. All right. Thanks, Unc. Damn. It's been what, a year, since we kicked it at the family reunion? It was about a year, huh? Yeah, man. Ever since you moved out here, we lost touch. I know. This is a long way from Watts. But the good thing about bein' out here... we don't hear no gunshots, no helicopters. No police, no crackheads, no chicken heads, no nothin'. Just clean, fresh air. Just smell. Smell good, huh? Taste good. Taste the air. - Yeah, dude. - Aw, man. Aw, shit! Who is that? The Joker brothers. That's Joker. He just got out of the pen. There's Little Joker. Hejust got out ofY. A. Then there's Baby Joker right there. He just got out the juvenile centre. Then they got a little dog named Cheeco. You better watch him. He'll bite the shit out ofyou. But I got something better than that Cadillac. - What's that? - Peep this. What? Check this out. - This you? - A little something I picked up. - You diggin' that? - Damn. I wish we hit the Lotto and came up on a million dollars like y'all. After paying' taxes and lawyer fees and all Daddy's bad-ass credit... buyin' Viagra, tricking' with these sack chasers around here... $30, $40 now and then, I ain't end up with a million dollars. We end up with this crib and this bad motherfucker right here. It's off the hook. - You like that, huh? - I do. I just got them 20's there. Them ain't 20's, but it's off the hook. Them are 20's. No, they're tens. I bought'em from somebody. - But they nice, though. - Yeah, they cool. They tight. Then since I had this, my pussy rate went-- I get more pussy from police ladies. Everybody give me some pussy. What up, Day-Day? Oh, this lady is funny, man. She used to own a record booth at the Slauson swap meet. She is funny as hell. Come on. What up, Mulan? Hey, wait! Don't be steppin' on those flowers, motherfucker. I just planted that shit. - Who's your boy? - That's my cousin Craig from L. A. Craig, meet Miss Ho. Ho-Kym, motherfucker. Day-Day'sjust trying to be a smart-ass. Nice to meet you, Craig. Yo, Day-Day, something's going down with those eses across the street. Yeah, I've been seein' a lot of activity. What kind of activity? Strange activity. I think they're running drugs from Tijuana. - Day-Day don't believe me. - I ain't got time. Got to go, Miss Ho. I'm just kiddin'. Come by after work. I got the John Blaze shit for you. Nice to meet you. - Peace out, Craig. - Peace out. Yeah. Bye. See ya. Man. Nice hat. I told you she was funny. - Big house, ain't it? - Yeah, it is. Yeah. Y'all wish y'all had one like this, didn't ya? We do. Daddy! Where my shirt at? - Daddy, where my shirt? - Which one? The pink one? You have it here. Ran out of toilet paper, son. Sorry. - Sure was soft, though. - You wiped your ass with my shirt? Told you not to leave your shit in the bathroom. What you doin'? This is a nice house, man. I know. Thanks. I just wish Mama had a chance to see it. You know she had a heart attack and died when she found out we won the lottery. I know the story. If Mama had a chance to see this, she'd have been so happy. But that's how things work. Well, I'm about to go to work... something you might not never know nothin' about. - Know what I'm sayin'? - Where you workin' at? At Pinky's Record and Disc. You can't live in this house without a job. So try to think about that, 'cause I got me a job. Job, job, job. Damn. Suga! I'm comin'! Craig, I want you to meet my old lady Suga. Suga, my nephew Craig. You even cuter than your baby pictures. Thankyou. We can keep it all in the family. You got a fat ass. All right, that's enough! Shit! That's enough! Go back upstairs, and put on some damn clothes! - Go now! - Help me out. Nice meetin' you, Craig. Nice to meet you. That woman gonna be the death of me one day. Viagra ain't workin'. My back keep goin' out. That freak can't get enough from your Uncle Elroy. But check this out. Got to lay some ground rules down on you. - You family. I love you. - I love you, too, Unc. You welcome to anything in my house... but don't let me catch you in my refrigerator... or with your finger in my sugar bowl. - You feel me knockin'? - I feel you. Well, let me in. Who is that with Day-Day's car? That D'wana. Boy's ex. Hey, Day-Day! That crazy bitch out there again! - What's she doin' with that key? - Damn. - Aw, shit! - Is she writing' on it? - Scratchin' the shit out of it. - Goddam! What y'all just standin' there lookin'? Do something! Huggin', just standin' there. You're supposed to be 1 ,000 feet away from my house! Nigger, you can't quit me. I'm pregnant with your baby. That ain't my baby. That's my baby right there. Aw, man! You keyed my-- Bitch, you keyed my-- I got your bitch right here. Yeah, nigger. Daddy, she sprayed me! Shut up, you punk! Don't nobody quit me. Wait till I tell Baby D. She gonna fuckyou up! - She sprayed the player! - Better watch your back! Be still. Boy, look like you got a fatal attraction on your hands. I had two or three of'em in my day. Craig, I hope you can handle your women better than this fool can. - That's too much water. - Nah, it ain't. Take 20 minutes. I've been pepper-sprayed nine times. Take 20 minutes. You got 19 to go. Let me show you the backyard. It's bigger than y'all's backyard. Call the police and tell them to get me another restraining order. Yeah, you gotta have a little money to live out here. Oh, yeah? I know what you're thinkin'. I was the one back in the day always talkin' about how I love the hood... I love the ghetto. I was the one sayin' I wasn't the kind of nigger to run to the suburbs. You're right, that's what I said. But soon as I got my cheque, I was gone! Paid $230,000 cash on this place. - You paid cash for this? - Cash money! Don't try to stick me with some 30-year payment plan. That's for suckers. Got my daddy like that years ago on a Cadillac. I got the only house on the block paid for. That's why I'm the king around here! You're the king, Unc. How you like that pool? - Big, ain't it? - Yeah, it's cool. But where the water at? Don't need no water. Ain't no pools in the projects. None of us swim. - So y'all never use it? - Never. But theJacuzzi, that's something else. Me and my Suga get real nasty in there. Guess I left that in there. You welcome to use it any time you want. Shit, you my brother's boy! That's all right, Unc. I can't swim neither. No? Good. I won't have to clean up behind you then. Come on. Let me show you something else. Man, you straight? No, I ain't straight. My eyes still red? A little bit. - A little bit? - She fucked you up. Can't taste nothin'. My tongue is numb. Why'd y'all let her do this shit? It's your girl. What's up with her, man? She mean as hell. I met D'wana about three months ago. She had a pudge on her stomach, but I ain't pay no attention to it. I thought it came from drinkin' 40's 'cause she had beer on her breath. Turns out she's six months pregnant. Told me I'm the baby's daddy. - What? - Yeah. How you gonna be the baby's daddy? You know she's lyin'. I broke up with D'wana two Fridays ago. I got a restraining order on her, and she don't care about that. - What? - She got me fuckin' up. I broke up with her two months ago, two Fridays ago... and she don't care about no restraining order or nothin'. - You all right with them pants? - Get out of my business. How you gonna have a restraining order on your girl? What's up with y'all? Where'd you meet her? I was on my way to the'hood to buy them 20's. I mean, them tens. They're tens, but I keep'em clean. I was on my way, and she had a burger in her hand. I wanted a piece of it, and I stopped. We got to rappin'. It was the worst day of my life! Damn. Psycho, huh? She must be worse than Left Eye from TLC. But this fat bitch ain't burning'. That ain't the cold part. She got a sister named Baby D. This fat bitch get physical. She sells dope, do hair and baby-sit out of the same house. The police don't know when to go in. I got a restraining order on her too. You got a restraining order on a little girl named Baby D? You don't know Baby D. That's why you're lookin' at me, 'cause you don't know Baby D. Her fat ass be snoring, won't even be asleep, just standing. Little cupcakes and shit-- This bitch know about all the new snacks before they even hit the street. All the bootleg snacks. Year 2000 snacks. Gonna tell me about a new Twinkie comin' out next month. It's a bad motherfucker. When you bite into a cream-filled, it shoot all overyour mouth. I'm getting ready to go to work. 'Cause I'm a player. I don't have to deal with this shit. You got your shirt on backwards. Players fuck up. Snatch that shit offyour head. Don't worry about what I'm doin'! Why didn't y'all do nothin' when that fat bitch jumped on me? Y'all a trip. I'm running away from here. - We gotta pull over. - Be quiet! - Fuckin' nuts is hurtin'. - We got some business to take care of. Shit! Mommy! Keep your mind on the business, man! I'm gonna kick Craig's butt. Where we goin' anyway, man? Damn, Debo. Fuckin' ass is hurtin'. What we doin' here anyway? Close your mouth, I'll tell you. This is how the plan goes. Call over there and say you have an urgent message for Mr William Jones. What urgent message? The message is:"Drop everything. Craig's in trouble. Come quick." - I don't think that's gonna work. -Just do it! - I don't know the number. - It's on the building. Just pick the phone up. I feel five pounds lighter. What? Jealous? What's that? Come on! Where's my burrito? What's wrong with you? What kind of place is this? Come on! Give me my stuff! Hello? I got an urgent message for a nigger named Mr Willie-- - Willie who? - It's William, fool! I got an urgent message for Mr William Jones. Yeah. The urgent message is: "Drop everything. Craig's in trouble. Come quick." - Craig who? Who's this? - Man, nigger! Just tell him he can call on Tyrone. Tell him it's a friend of the family's. When you gonna stop hittin' me? I'm gonna bust your ass like Craig did, knock your eyes straight. - Hot sauce, please. -Just a second. Hot sauce, thankyou. Someone Just called to say Craig's in trouble. - What? - Craig's in trouble. I don't know. What? Oh, man! Hold on, Craig. I'm comin'. - Give me my money. Come on. -Just a second, man. Come on, Taco Jim. Give me my money. Come on, man. Give me my money. Get the fuck outta here. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. What you doin' out of the truck? What the hell's happening around here? - Kiss my ass. - Don't take my hot sauce. This ain't bad, right? Yeah, it is. That scratch make it real ugly, make you not even want to drive it. Damn! Who is that? Who? That's their sister. Damn. You know what? I'm beginning to like Rancho Cucamonga. - Well, don't like it. - Why not? We need to improve on black and brown relations. Because there's been tension between us and them since they got out the pen. I am trying to keep it peaceful around here. I'm tryin' to have none of that gangsta-thug stuff. We livin' good, eatin' shrimps and steak. What you- - Don't do-- I'm tellin' you, don't mess with her. Slow down. Damn, you walk fast. - I'm Craig. What's your name? - Karla. Craig and Karla. That sounds good together, huh? Yeah, kind of. She's a sack chaser, man! I tried to hit it. She wouldn't give me none. I bet you don't get none. I bet you don't get it. I hope you don't get it. - Where you goin'? - To the Cucamonga Shopping Centre. - Let it go, man! - I told you. Whites in hot and colours in cold. Gonna ruin my Dickies! Hold this! What the fuck? You got a sexy voice. Say something in Spanish. I think Karla's gotjungle fever! You want a ride? I don't know. Fuck that. Hey, Cheeco! It's lunchtime! - We're gonna get you a ride. - Run! Run! What? Cheeco! Run! - Shit! - Cheeco, no! Get that fucker! You know you like dark meat! Those mayates are fast, like they're sponsored by Nike. Black man can jump. Joker, get your dog! This is bullshit! Joker, call your dog! Man, get offof my car! Get offof my shit! - I got something for him. - Get him! Get his ass. Yeah. Fuck this! I can't believe he did that to our dog. You Uncle Willie's son. You don't play that shit. Cruelty to animals! Cruelty to animals! Cheeco, get your ass over here! That's wrong. He did nothing to you. Get down. Get down. - Sorry. - Come on. Look at my roof. You play too much. If I get in trouble with them-- I got to live here! You don't! You gonna get me in trouble! Get out of the way! Move! Just move! Shit! I wasjust trying to-- I wasjust trying to help your scary ass. You fuckin' hit my dog! You're fucked up now! You fucked him up for life! He's scarred! We'll get you back! Fucker. Nephew, you got perfect timing. About to start a little puff-puff give in this motherfucker. Are you down? Why don't you sit next to your auntie. I know you smoke a little weed, right? - Why you say that? -'Cause your lip's turning black. Would you like some wine, baby? No, thankyou. Well, how about a little cognac? No. It's kind ofearly. Shit, I can roll a blunt better than them bitches in Havana. I know Willie don't let you smoke in his house... but I'm your Uncle Elroy! I don't give a damn how high you get in mine... as long as you let me hit it. Look at that. Fire that shit up, boy. I'm about to show y'all who the real Puff Daddy is! Unc. Baby? It's the Bombay! Think they really went to the moon? They say they went to the moon. There ain't no gravity out there. That mean we can get high and never come down. What numbers did you pick? Your original aunt picked... six numbers. She used her weight, I think. Goddam. I know why you got her now. {y:ib}Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah {y:ib}Putsome hotsauce {y:ib}on myburrito, baby {y:ib}Don'tyou knowit'sgoodto me Debo! Debo! - What? - I can't feel my legs, man! {y:ib}Putsome hotsauce {y:ib}on myburrito, baby {y:ib}You knowyou lookgoodto me Oh, man, that's good. Just hold on, Craig. I'm comin', son. Negro, what the hell you doin' to my woman? I don't know. I must-- - Suga? - Huh? What the hell you doin' to my nephew? I thought that was you, baby. Come on, baby. I'm faded, feelin' X-rated. It's Mr Nasty time. Oh, Mr Nasty time. It's Mr Nasty time. Take it easy on my back. Be back in a minute. Make yourselfat home, nephew. - Come on. - Thanks. - That's it, that's it. - Yeah, yeah. Call me Elroy! - Damn, Unc. - That's enough. Get that shit. {y:ib}Papi, I wish I was with you right now. Yeah, me too. Yeah? Well, you ever heard of EI Nino? Yeah. Well, this is EI Negro. Come here and let me tap that ass. Delivery. Got a delivery! - Who is it? - Got a delivery. Come on, spark plug. I got a delivery. It's hot out here, buddy. Come on, sparky. - What's up? - Nice house. I didn't expect you to answer, but this is a fine place. What are you, one of those entertainer guys? Do you play sports? What team you play for? I play for the Cucamonga Cracker Killers. Don't want any trouble. You don't have to send your posse out here to do a 187 in my ass. Just got a little mail foryou to sign, partner. - What's this? - A delinquent property tax notice. I hope the Cracker Killers pay well. Otherwise, it's back to the ghetto you go. Take it easy. {y:ib}Hustlin' and survivin' {y:ib}Goodtimes Oh, fuck! Good boy! Heel! "Your house will be seized and auctioned... tomorrow at 9:00 a. m." Tomorrow? Uncle Elroy, you got some mail. Uncle Elroy, you got a notice. Damn. Unc is a freak. Unc, you got this tax notice, man. Come here! I'll tear that ass up again! I like it when you treat me rough! God, man, what you doin'? Get your hands off my ass, girl! Let me go! Let me go, goddam it! Yo, Day-Day, check it out. If Pinky come in and see you doin' that X-Game shit off the counter... we'll get fired. Motherfuckers! You motherfuckers! What the fuck is this? - You motherfuckers! - Can I help you? Yes. What is this, huh? This is rock. I can't get jiggy with this shit. Where's the damn manager? That Pink motherfucker. The manager's not here. I'm running the store. You look like the player-hater who sold me this shit. Give me my money back now! And I have no damn receipt. - Where's the cover? - I have no damn cover! - Kiss my ass! So what? - Can I see it, sir? You been chewing' on this before you came here? Bullshit! You know who you're fucking with? - Bishop Tutu? - Try again, motherfucker. - Winnie Mandela's little-- - Try again, motherfucker! Just an ugly black dude. I'll go postal on this motherfucker! You better get your hostile ass out of here. You bitch. Oh, shit! Don't hit me. This isJohn Blaze. I can get jiggy with it. - Get your ass out of here! - I'm just a bitch-ass nigger. - Don't hit me! - You see that? - How'd you get out here? - I walked. You can't walk around this white neighbourhood. You look suspect. Y'all got a notice, certified mail. Craig, this is Roach, my white slave. Roach works around the store doin' anything I tell him to. That's my cousin Craig who beat up Debo. What's up, bro? - What's up? - What do we got? - You know what this is? - What is it? Get the phone! You wouldn't know about this. - This is black problems. - Pinky's. Yeah. We probably don't owe too much'cause we ain't been spending money that much. - Oh, man! - What? We owe 3,900 by tomorrow. Shit, man! How much y'all got from the lottery? I don't know. I bought some shoes. I gotta check my book. - Check your bank book. - Go back here with me. That African might have circled around the block or something. Yeah, he's here. No, he's right here. All right. - $247. - That's it? - Who was that? - This girl named D'wana. -She's outside and wants to talk to you. -Come here. Get over here. Shit. - What's the matter? - D'wana brought Baby D's fat ass here. Come on, D. Let's fuck this nigger up. That white boy said he was in here. Day-Day! Don't make me break this window! - Craig, do me a favour. - What? - Go tell them I ain't here. - Hell no. I ain't in it. - You already in it, cuz. - I'll just go do it. Get your ass back here! What the fuckyou doin'? She'll sit on your little ass. Craig gotta do it. He beat Debo ass. And he cold. Craig? You gonna do that for me? Go ahead, man. Hurry up, nigger! Shut up. That don't look like Day-Day. Open the door. Day-Day ain't here. - Who are you? - I'm his cousin. We didn't come here for Day-Day. - Yes, you did. - No, we came to buy a CD. - Move! - Punk. These whores ain't got no manners. Where that boy telling' me Day-Day was here? I don't know. I think he went out back to throw away some boxes. - Well, can I look for myself? - No, you cannot. - Hey, ladies. - Where's Day-Day? - I thought y'all wanted to buy a CD. - I do. Can you show me where the jazz section is? Jazz? You know damn well you don't want to hear jazz. Come on. I know y'all playin' games. If Day-Day come back, tell him I need to see him... 'cause the child-carin' classes start on Wednesday. Come on, D. I ain't got time for this. Wait. Ain't your restroom this way? You better have some toilet paper. - Damn! - Here he is! Baby, here he is! Here, Baby! Get him! Come on. You better go on with the bullshit. Do something about it! Why don't y'all do something about this shit? - Come on! - She moves well for a big girl. You better quit with the bullshit! -You better stop runnin' from that girl. -Fuckyou! Come on, big Baby D. D'wana, I don't even like you like that. - Somebody call Jenny Craig. - Hello. Remember me? Hell, yeah, I rememberyou. I'm sorry about what my brothers did to you this morning. They'rejust assholes. You don't have to apologize foryour brothers. I wanted to give you this. If my brothers weren't so overprotective... I'd have you call the house, but for now page me when you get a chance. - I'll do that. - Better sooner than later. - Yeah? - Yeah. Shit, it might be tonight. Get your ass back! Baby D, go on with the bullshit! You ain't gonna catch me, as usual. Let's make a deal while we can. You're not gonna catch me. What you want? Another Big Pun CD? Kelly Price? - Luther Vandross? - Hell, no. That ain't gonna do? How about that? Just like you had in thejail commissary-- without the wrapper. You can get to it quick. - I'm on a diet. - No, your fat ass ain't. Yeah. Taste it, Baby D. Damn, it's good! Eat that-- - Your cousin Craig, hook us up. - That's it? Just tell him to come over here and talk to me. - And I can go free? - Go before I change my mind! What happened? Made a deal. All you gotta do is go over there. - You gotta talk to her. - What do you mean,"talk to her"? - She want to talk to you. - Talk to me? Go talk to her. Mother love. Fat-- I'm gone. - Come on! - Day-Day, I'm gonna kill your ass! You gotta come outside sometime! See, I done told you. I done told you. Why you let her do this shit? - What was that? - You don't wanna know. - Thanks a lot, Craig. - Look. We cousins, but don't be tryin' to hook me up... with the little sister that's bigger than the big sister. - Fat bitches need love, too, Craig. - For sure. Oh, man! Oh, my stomach. Say, let me get by! Too much hot sauce. I gotta go to the bathroom. I gotta go to the bathroom. Let me over! Somebody help me, please! Too much traffic. What's this traffic doin'? Hey, y'all, move over! Move up! Everybody, move! - Worst day of my life. - Damn, you sad. I know how you're feelin', man. If I had my bong on me now, I'd let you toke till you choke. I got this, though. - What's that green shit hangin' out? - That's chronic, dude. Try it. I ain't got no bong or no bullshit brownie, but voila. Whoa! I'm the one with the problems! - Shit. - Enjoy, man. Better open that window before the smell get out. - These windows don't work in here. - I got an idea. It'sjust a theory, but it should work. Check this out. - Blow? - Yeah, blow. - That ain't gonna work. - Fuckyeah. - It works. - Still gonna smell it. Uh-uh. Watch. Stop bullshitting'! - Stop bullshitting'! - My fault, my fault. You better stop playin' so much! Almost sucked my motherfuckin' lip up! Look here, baby. You hittin' them corners too goddam fast. You need to slow this motherfucker down. I almost spilled my yak on this $200 suit, nigger. Come on, baby, get it together. Damn. Yeah, whatever, motherfucker. Shit. Roach, what you doin'? I caught a bad one again. {y:ib}You busters is bitches {y:ib}You can't get your money {y:ib}from your bitches - Get back! - Stop that bullshit, man! This vacuum shit don't work, man. Don't grab on Pinky's shit like that. You company man. "Don't grab on Pinky's shit like that." - Nigger, this is how l-- - Pinky? Pinky used to be a player. I heard about Pinky-- Where the bathroom at? Go to the right. Don't do that, man! You gonna burn my Pinky shirt! I wasjust gonna get a promotion! Light an incense in there too. You stanky, booty-ass, little boy. What's up, Roach? You bust your shit? Don't move! I'll blow your goddam head smooth off. Now, back up. Slowly! Don't say a word. - Hey, man-- - I said, don't say a word. Craig went to take a doo-doo. You ain't seen him gettin' nothin' in the-- to try to-- -He miss? -He don't try to make it fresh in there. Come on. Little motherfucker gonna try to rob me. I'm gonna show you how we do it here in Pinky's. - I wasn't tryin' to rob-- - Shut up! Before I bust a cap up in your ass. What you gone done with Day-Day and Roach? - Day-Day is my-- - Shut up! - Now, who sent you, nigger? - Nobody sent-- Say another motherfuckin' word, and this shit is over! And I ain't playin', nigger! Now... you ain't got no gun... but where the weed at? - I ain't got no-- - Shut the fuck- - Shut-- Did I say-- Oh, shit, say it again! Say something else! Say something else! Say something else, nigger! I'm gonna tie your monkey-ass up. Oh, shit! He been doo-dooin' a long time. When he was a kid, he doo-dooed in church. The pastor was the only one that could stay in there through the blessings. I got your ass! Oh, shit. Craig doo-dooed in the swimming pool. - We were swimming when we were little. - Did it float up like a submarine? I was swimming, and I thought it was a chocolate payday. I was swimmin' like a motherfucker, and something just went-- It kind of hit my-- I got this motherfucker! Gonna blow up where I make my money at. Is he comin'? Let me tell you something. Can I say something to you? - I love you, man. - Either be smokin' or be passin' that. I got to think ofa way to get this money by tomorrow. - Huh? - I gotta think of--"Huh?" I gotta get this money by tomorrow. - You could sell your Beemer. - I can do what? - Sell your car. - Sell your mama's car. I'm not sellin' my car, man. - My bad. - Don't say nothin' like that. - I know you love that car. - Hell, yeah. I gotta think ofa plan. I hope Craig got some kind of plan while he takin' a shit. - He in there a long time. - Yeah, he in there a long time. Let's clean up before Pinky get back. What's up, baby? Come on, young blood. Don't kill me. Shut up! I been tryin' to tell your ass that Day-Day's my cousin. He in the back. Whateveryou say, baby. I swear to God, man, the combination to the safe is 34-5-27, man. Just take it all, baby. It's all yours. Just don't kill me. I got kids, a motherfuckin' girlfriend and a wife on the side. Shut up! Don't kill me! Goddam, don't kill me! - Craig, what you doin'? - Nothin'. - Huh? - Is this your cousin? - Yeah, that's my cousin. - Good. Then you fired. - Who, me? - Yeah, you. I'm fired? - Roach, you fired too. - Why you gotta fire me for? Shut up! Shut up! You better keep your goddam mouth shut! - Bobby Womack. - I heard that shit. Say it again. Shit! And you lucky. I wasjust fixin' to get up in your ass. Give me my pistol! Get out of my store. Shut up! Punk ass. Tryin' to rob me. Nigger, I'm Pinky. That nigger had me scared, but I held my own. Fat bitch is bustin' my windows all the time. I knew you shouldn't-- When you goin' home? {y:ib}D's sayin'. {y:ib}In a strange way, I feel responsible {y:ib}for Day-Day gettin' fired. {y:ib}If I wouldn't have fought Pinky {y:ib}and gave Day-Day that joint... {y:ib}he'd still have a job by now. {y:ib}Roach too. That's true. {y:ib}Got to think of something... - Fat bitch bust my windows-- - as soon as he shut the fuck up. You ain't even help me. You watched her do the shit. And you quit hanging around black people. You see how we live? We live wild. We live rough. I'm tellin' you. Damn, Daddy, I didn't know you had titties. We got a certified this in the mail today. And I got fired today. Daddy! Mr White Man, tell me what happened. What's up there? {y:ib}Mister, I gotta go help my son. {y:ib}Let me over, please. Let me over. I gotta help myself too. I got a burning in my stomach. My stomach hurts. Oh, man. Officer, please. Don'tjust drive past me. Officer! How long we gotta ride in this stupid-ass van anyway? Fuck, I don't know. Shut up, man! Raise your hand ifyou want to talk to me! Man, what we gonna do? I don't know yet. I know what I'm gonna do. I'm goin' home and face the music. My dad finds out I got fired again, man, he's gonna kick my ass. - Sorry about today. - Yeah, me too. Later. - My board! - Get the board! My skateboard. Let's play some quarters and shit. And don't forget the chips. - What the fuckyou lookin' at? - Nothin'. I-- - You broke my board. - It shouldn't have been in the street. Take me toJudgeJudy. Let's go. - Who the fuck are those guys, Day-Day? - Let it go, man. Trust me. I ain't letting' shit go, man! They broke my skateboard! - Let it go! Trust me. - Wait a minute. Wait, wait! Look. - You see that? - I ain't see nothin'. Must be money or somethin' in that hydraulic pump. Yeah, air. It's somethin' better than air. I could tell how funny he act. Hey, how's it goin', boy? Come here. Yeah, boy, come here. Hey! What are you doin'? Get the fuck off me! How do you know for sure? It could be any damn thing in that pump. I don't know. It could be anything, but I say we go over there and take a look. I say you go by your damn self. I'm not fuckin' with them eses. Y'all go over there and tag team and that shit. All we need is a big-ass pack of bologna. - Bologna? - Yeah, bologna! Want me to get cheese and the hot plate? We can cook over there. Eat with them-- Man, just go get the bologna. Hurry up. Is that a gas station over there? Here we go. That's a gas station. Get out the way, man! Come on! Move! This fool can't drive for shit! Guess I'm gonna have to kill that dad of his, too, when I finish with Craig. Hey, man, get out the way! Get out of the way! Hurry up! You look! I got some business to take care of! - Fuckyou, asshole! - I hope the bathroom is clean. If it ain't, I don't give a damn. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, me. Damn! I knew I shouldn't have eaten all that hot sauce. Sabu! I've seen all your movies, man. Oh, you bad. Ridin' that magic carpet. They ain't got to worry about no gas. Can I get the key to the bathroom? I don't wanna buy no hubcap. It is here. And say hello to Qaddafi for me. - Hey! - Hey! Come on out of there! I got an emergency here! - Hold on! - Come on, man! Come on out of there. - Who's bangin' on this friggin' door-- - Come on outta here. - MrJones? - Stanley? - How are ya? - What are you doin' here? I'm looking for a new house out here. I have to move out of the hood. - The crime is really getting bad. - Yeah, I gotta go. I wouldn't recommend that anybody go in there for at least 35, 45 minutes. It's smelling pretty bad. I don't know what happened. Get the fuck outta my face! Oh, Lord! Thank God. Come on. Stay down. - Y'all ready? - No. Come on. There'sJoker! Run! Goddam it! Run! I don't see nobody. Come on. Hurry up. Nice booty. - Come here. You can have some. - You know I do. - Where you goin', baby? - Right over here. I'm nervous, man. I got the BGs. - What's the BGs? - The bubble guts. I'm nervous, and I'm about to shit on myself. Keep a tight ass. Try and hold it in or somethin'. Shut up. That sound like butterflies to me. Butterflies, your ass. I'm about to go home. Look, look. Ifwe don't go do this, you ain't gonna have no home to go to. All we gotta do is find out where the little one put that pump... take it and see what's in it. You're in the Kentucky Derby. I'll take this off. Oh, shit. Go, Flea Biscuit. Thought you were gonna take me to see Mommy. I'm a little preoccupied right now. I'll take you later. When? After you're all drunk and loaded? I said I'll take your stupid ass later, all right? Get the fuck outta here. You're ruining my company. - What's this silver thing right here? - What silver thing? We got to count that shit. Get up. Business first. Hey, BabyJoker, come on. Forgot about the business. I need you to occupy that dog long enough for me and Day-Day to get a look. Me and dogs don't get along, bro. - Get along with this one. - Shit. What's his name? Cheeco. You've got to go ahead of us. Don't get seen. And for damn sure, don't let that mutt out your sight. Go, go, go! - Dog, we scored today, fool. - Yeah! - What's that on my leg? - What is that, dog? Forget it. I think it's yogurt or something. Here, Cheeco. Get off my ass, man. Get down! You guys are better than the Soul Train dancers. Look at them old bitties. God! Come on. Let's go. Get up. All right, go first. - Go first. - No, nigger, you go first! I'm not goin' first. Ifyou don't hit that fence, I'm gonna throw you over. Nigger, I'm not-- We ain't little no more. That's the thing about it. Come on. Come on! What you talkin' about? We ain't little? What? Come on, nigger. - Pussy. - It ain't like that. Get your ass up. - Stop playing. - I broke a butt cheek. - Come on. - Shit, man. What, man? Fuck. Come here, boy. Come on, Cheeco. Be a good boy. Shit! Oh, shit. - Fuck this shit. - Hey, hey. Wait. - Who's got the money-- - He's still over there. - Hundreds, fifties. - Roach still got him. - What do we do with these ones? - Fuck it. Give it to charity. Fuck it. Charity starts in la casa. - We can give it to the bitches. - It is money in that pump. - It is? - Yeah. A good boy. Come on. Here you go. Good boy. Good boy. I got some good bologna foryou. Good boy. Eat it all up. Okay, you ate it all up. Is that Cheeco? What's wrong with him? I don't know. That dog got issues. So what's wrong with my perro? What'd you do to my dog, fool? Nothing. Just keep counting the money. Hey, fuck that shit. Do it later. It's fuckin' Friday. We got fuckin' bitches. It's fuckin' time to party. Shut the door. What's wrong with you? Don't you got no manners? - What's wrong with you? - Fuckin' snapper. We're not gonna close the door until you come out and party with us. Let me think about it. Count my money. Party with bitches. Hundreds and fifties. Big-ass titties. Count the green. Get in between those titties. Let's party! Come on, fool! Put that shit in the drawer. I'm in the mood to getjiggy with it. I wanna party. Aztec warrior. Aztec warrior. He put it in a drawer. I'm gonna go get it. You want me to wait here, so Cheeco can bite me in my ass? - Yeah! - I'm goin'. I'm not doin' nothin'. - What, man? - I'm gonna tell you once more. Sit. Get the finger outta my-- Damn. Yea, yea. You got that Ricky Martin CD? I love him. He's a musical god. He's good for my people. Come on. All right. I wanna dance. Damn. Calm down. I got something foryou. Got a treat. You're gonna like this. I got a little bud brownie. Here. Just eat the whole thing. Here. Just eat it all up. Good boy. Eat it up. Eat it up. Eat it up. Good dog. Good dog. We're gonna party now. What the fuck? Hey, who locked the fuckin' door, huh? I don't like locked doors around here! They make me crazy and shit! I was locked up! Pass the wire! Pass the wire! I don't want no grilled cheese. No, Leroy, I'm bilingual! There's a difference. No more locked doors! No more locked doors around here, you hear me? What you been eating, girl? Nothing but light beer foryou. I like it rough. Oh, you do, huh? Good, 'cause that's how you're gonna get it. - What are you doing? - Huh? - What are you doing here? - I hope you don't think I'm crazy. I snuck in here to show you that I wasn't scared ofyour punk brothers. And ifyou had a man like me in your life... you wouldn't have to be scared of them neither. What? So you snuck in my room to tell me that? Yeah, I did. Excuse me. - Who you talking to? - Nobody! - I heard a vato's voice in here. - No, you didn't. Get out of my room. Go back to your stupid little girlfriends. I'm telling Mom. Good boy. Feel that? Good dog. Lay down. That's a good boy. Lay down. Yeah, you're a good boy. You are a good dog. Oh, I'm gonna do you good. I'm gonna give it to you rough. Here'sJohnny. I call him Mini Me. I'm gonna do you like American Me, baby. Don't look at me. Don't look at me, little puppy. Can I get a whoo, whoo? I'm an Aztec warrior. Bring your ass home, Craig. Come on. Hey, I'm cold. I'll close the window. Oh, shit. Motherfuckers can't fuck with me. I'm a player. I'm a player! Like I was sayin'. Are you listening? We don't need this shit. A guy like me and a dog like you... we ought to be in Maui... renting'Jet Skis to fat fucks with flower shirts. That'd be the good life. Take you with me wherever I go. I love you. - It'll work. - Come on. - Where's Craig? - He's in the house still. - Why'd he go in the house? - Don't worry about it. We gotta figure out a way to get him out of there. He's probably locked up. - Come on. - Shit. - You did all this for me? - Most of it. I just hate to see a fine girl like you in a situation like this. Thanks for noticing. It used to be peaceful around here before they got out. They took over the house and caused my mother's nervous breakdown. Dang. Why she didn't just kick'em out? We tried. We saved up to get away from them, but theyjust followed us. Damn. I hate to hear that. Can I get out this window right here? - I thought you came up here to see me. - I did. It'sjust, you know-- What's the hurry? I got my cousin out here waitin' on me. So what? Let's make him wait. Okay, knock. - You want me to knock? - Knock! You're actin' like a little bitch right now, man. They can't hear that. The music's playin'. Excuse me, partner. That was a fuckin' ghetto knock I just did. - I'll show you how to knock on a door. - What ya doin'? Stop-- Yeah. Rub that shit. I hear something. Fuck. I can't do anything around here! Shit! Ruining my flow. Right there. Lover boys, you hear that shit? You better stop. - They gonna think we're the police! - It gets results. What do you want? We came to borrow some sugar. Does this look like a fuckin' 7-Eleven to you? Do you see that red dot on my forehead? Do you see an ATM in the corner that doesn't work? Do you? No, you don't, so fuckyou, my friend. Get the fuck outta here. You too, Slim Shady. - No problem. We gone. - Hold on a second. Hey, man, you ran over my skateboard. I don't appreciate that, all right? That's bullshit, man. It ain't-- Got your message. Where's Craig? Message? I ain't sent you no damn message! You didn't call the sandwich joint with an urgent message? Hell, no, Willie! You startin' to think like a dog. Believe them fleas and ticks sucking' on your old-ass brain. Somebody sent me a message. Where's Craig and Day-Day? I don't know. Come on in. You know you got shit all over the back ofyour ass? Don't sit on that couch! Put some paper down. Next time page me first. Okay, I'll do that. What's my code, 69? - No, 68. - Yeah, right. Shit. You okay? This is some bullshit. Wejust came over here to borrow some sugar. - And some Phillies. - And some Phillies and-- We ain't come to fuck up y'all little ménage a trois. These are some bad bitches y'all got over here and we would not fuck that up. - How y'all doin' anyway? - Fine. Hey! My name is Day-Day. I'm your local neighbourhood player. This is my little buddy Roach. Roach, say,"What's happenin'?" to them. - Nice to meet you ladies. - Hey, hey! What the fuck? This isn't The Love Connection. Trying to pick up on our hynas or what, eh? Want to go to the room right now? I don't know about you two. I don't know about this sugar shit. I know black people got a lot ofsugar in their house. So I don't know. You makin' me susp-- - Suspicious, eh? - It's makin' me think a lot! Smart guy. He's tryin' to make it with our chicks. - What'd he say? - I don't know. Karla's coming down. Give me the weapon. - Shut the fuck up and act natural. - No problem. - Hey. What's goin' on? - Nothing. Are you going to give me a ride to see Mommy? Dang! You bug! Look, just take my car, all right? - Take your car? - Did I stutter? - Did I stutter? - Hell, no. You ain't-- Shut up, stupid. Just give me your car keys. - I'm not stupid. You're stupid. - You're stupid. - Don't call me stupid. I'm sensitive. - Where's the car keys? - You're stupid! - I'll be back in a bit. Bye. - Chickenhead. - Stupid ass. Don't be hittin' my switches too. And tell Mama we miss her cooking. You know what? lfeverything's cool, then we'll let you bounce too. That's a deal. That's what I'm talkin' about. - Where the hell you been? - I was over-- This is my boy. I'm the only one who can yell at him. - Where the hell you been? - Have y'all seen Day-Day? Thought he was with you. I knew we'd never be together forever. You're a cold little Puerto Rican dude. - What? - We're saying you're fucked! - You're staying with us. - Oh, man. BabyJoker, get the duct tape. It's on my bed. I was using it earlier. - Shit, man! - And, you, put your clothes back on. Come on. The party's over. Get your chickie heads outta here! Come on! Move it, hood-rat. Get your ass outta here. Bus leaves at 1 1 :00! Take this shit with you! Call me! - What a jerk. - He's stupid. - What did we do? - Why does he need tape? - Tell us what we did. - You're fucked. Gonna have a party. - What kind of party? - A prison party. Wejust got out. I know what to do with you. - Shit! - He's cute, huh? - I want the little one. - He's like a Frosted Mini-Wheat. Hold on, baby. - It's gonna be crazy. - Don't do that. You haven't seen my Aztec warrior. - I can't handle this! - You can't handle them? - You can handle them. - You got a pretty mouth. Don't do that! {y:ib}Don't do it. - You think they in there? - They in there. We got to do something. Y'all take your asses over there ifyou want to. Ifyou ain't back in ten minutes, I'm callin' the police and insurance man. Wait a minute. I'm goin' to get my shit. {y:ib}How many of us have them {y:ib}Friends {y:ib}Ones we can depend on {y:ib}Friends Shut the fuck up! I don't even like Whodini. We can be friends as soon as you tell me where my money is. Money? We came to borrow sugar from ya and some rollin' papers. We wanted to get high. I was gonna show this white boy how to make Kool-Aid-- Shit! Just have a heart, MrJoker. Please. It's Friday! - I know what fuckin' day it is. - Oh, shit! Fuck. I hear a lot of talking, but the words don't mean shit. Maybe that other chanate took it. Remember him? Hey, Day-Day, where is your other mayate? It's a nice piece of heat you got there. Thankyou. I ain't got but two bullets in the motherfucker. - But that's better than nothin'. - Yeah, it is. Two bullets? Boy, your ass ain't changed at all. Back in the day, only thing I had was a stick. You missed with your stick. I ain't gonna miss with these two bullets. Hey, y'all. Not now. Come on. - Come on. You know what to do. - Shit! That's Versace you steppin' on. Versace? You can't even spell Versace. "Fo-satchy." F-O-- satchy. Damn. You all right? - Yeah. - Will you be quiet, Tarzan? I don't do this shit every day. I'm tellin' you, man. You can do a lot for this community-- Shut up! I'm sick of bullshitting with you two. Baby Joker? - Little Joker? - Yeah. Tape their mouths shut. I don't wanna hear a grown man scream. Shit. What, man? We must be here. We stopped. Good. Let's get the hell outta here. It stink in here. - How do we get out? - How am I supposed to know? You the one with all the muscle. Why don't you get us outta here? Raise your hand, fool. Now let me show you how we gonna do this. Come on, man! Let me outta here! Come on, man! I'm your brother! Come on! Don't do this to your own brother, man! Get out, fool. Damn. Hey, young man. You got knocked the fuck out. No more fun and games. My little carnal, he went to get my chain saw. I'm gonna show you what happens to putos that take my money... and don't tell me what I wanna hear. Ever see Scarface, fuckers? Go see what's takin' him so long. Junior? Junior? What the fuck, stupid? My back! - What's the matter? - I believe I slipped my disk again. Goddam! - Let me help you. - Don't touch me! Ain't nothin' wrong with you. Get your big ass up. I'll tie this boy up myself. I should tie your big ass up, too, and drag you down the street. You players are going on the disabled list... as soon as my brothers get back here. They should be back here any minute now. They'll be back soon. Fuck! Where are these fuckers? I gotta do everything. It's tough being the brains of the operation. Fuck! Hey! You putos go? You gonna make me crazy! You make me crazy! Come on! - Makin' me look like a punk! - It slipped! - My disk slipped again in my back. - What the fuck? What the hell are you doing here? I lost something. What it look like, fool? It looks like a dead mayate with a loud shirt. My mind! That's what I lost. Ain't this my yard? Get up! Watch his feet. Watch his feet, boy. Fucker! School's in, bitch. Motherfucker. I got your ass right here. I'm gonna kickyour ass for gettin' me into this mess, throwin' my back out. Daddy, it ain't my fault! I'm not bullshittin'. I was hangin' with this white boy, and he got me into all kinds ofshi-- Damn! What's up? Help! Shit! Get up! Say hello to my little friend. Yeah, that's it! I'm gonna blast this fool. Give me that gun. - Here! - Come on, fool. Remember me, punk? Lord, have mercy. What you want me to do? Bad dog! - Freeze! - Hands up! Two giant Milk Duds. Freeze! Sheriff's Department! I live across the street! Paid cash! They the ones you want! - Problem, officers? - Don't move! - Make a damn hole! - Hey, brother, man! Y'all can't fuck with the police. Y'all can't fuck with the police. Rude-ass cops. You done paid your parking tickets? You still got your illegal cable? We better get the hell outta here. - Come here, Cheeco! - Get your hands off me! - This is like a bad dream. - Why you cops got to be so violent? I love Fridays. It ain't over, punk! Wait till I get out! - When you get out? - I'm gonna beat your butt up too. - It ain't over! - Come on, man! - Good job. Good job. - Yeah, that's our pump! Shut up! That's right. Look what I got. Wait, man. Don't open that here. -Jump up and down on that back of his. - That's next. Don't listen to him. Cash make the coochie go whoo-whoo. It's gonna feel real good to pay my taxes. Thanks, nephew. No problem, Unc. All done! Thanks, Miss Kym. - Call me, man. - All right. Ancient Chinese secret. I'm Korean, motherfucker. Fat-ass little Chinese lady's gonna take the money and not give me no play? Will you get your broke-down ass up? There ain't nothin' wrong with you. Layin' down like a broke-dick dog. Get up. Come on. What's wrong with you? Damn! That GeorgeJefferson shit works! Walk me to the door. Hey. Wait a minute. I'm sure gonna miss you. Why don't you give your Auntie Suga some sugar? Give me a kiss. - Hey! - Come here. Sorry. Nephew, you're welcome here any time. Thanks again. She's always hittin' on somebody. Man, you sure you don't wanna stay? You know I got to live ghetto fabulous. I can't stay here with y'all fools. - It's too crazy around here. - Yeah, it's thugged out. But you keep that car. You make sure you get that fixed. - You know that. I got money now. - Yeah, I see. When can I come to see you and fuckyour neighbourhood up? - You can't. - All right. Fuck his shit up. Go on, girl. Hurry up. Get that shit. Hurry up! {y:ib}Oh, well. All is well {y:ib}that ends well, of course. {y:ib}Another Friday gone, {y:ib}another problem solved. {y:ib}It'sa trip to know that things {y:ib}can get wild in the suburbs too. {y:ib}Man, I can't wait {y:ib}to get back home... {y:ib}to the peace and {y:ib}quiet streets of South Central. {y:ib}Yeah. {c:$0000FF}{s:28}Subtitles.by.Vladca.[deCOY.EMC] Put that shit out. The doctor prescribed me this shit now. New Line presents a real nigger movie. Yeah. I'm high as a giraffe ass right now. Right now. "A Cubevision Production." This shit gonna be off the hook, nigger. Hit it again, Smokey. Cough it up your nose. This shit is on the one. This is a done one on this one. Yeah, buddy. You got a bong, nigger? This shit is killin' my sack. "Written by Ice Cube." I thought that nigger was in jail. I helped write this motherfucker too. They all did. Look at the smoke. "Directed by Steve Carr." That motherfucker owes me some money. That's the nigger that owes me that money, man. In the movies, when you beat up the neighborhood bully... you're supposed to live happily ever after. But in my neighborhood, that's when all the drama starts. It was a Friday I'll never forget. I got high for the first time. I got shot at for the first time. And I finally kicked Debo's ass for the first time. Debo ended up going to jail for about four years. You win some. You lose some. But you live. You live to fight another day. There's rumors goin' around the hood that Debo's breaking out next Friday. And when he gets out, he's supposed to come to see me. And today is next Friday, and I still ain't got no job. Come on! Come on! Soon as my pops found out Debo was gettin' out... he wanted me to move with my uncle and little cousin in Rancho Cucamonga... till things calm down... or Debo went back to prison, whichever comes first. Craig! Off your ass and on your feet. Ain't no time to beat your meat. All right. Be out in about 35, 45 minutes. You'll go blind, boy. Hurry up. This is Friday. We got to hit the highway. I felt like the biggest punk around here. I whipped Debo's ass. He should be the one moving. When I'm gonna ride that? - Punk, you're walkin'! - But I'm tired. Craig! Will you come on! I don't want to hit that traffic. You had enough time to get yourself together. I don't believe this. I told that boy to put that hose away and cut that grass. Look at that grass. Stanley's grass look good. Mrs. Johnson's grass look good. But look at my grass. No! When that boy get out of my house... I'm gonna change my number. Craig! Craig! Come on out of that house! Oh, damn! Goodness gracious. What's goin' on? Man. Use that brick to break that chain. You think it's the same brick Craig knocked your ass out with? Get out of here, you stupid mutt! - Here I come. - Will you bring your ass! Come on! You got me trying to break a chain with a brick? Let's go get some pussy, Debo. Fuck! Shit, man. Shut up! I got some unfinished business to deal with, and your butt gonna wait. What's the matter? I fell in some mud, and it's all your fault. - How is it my fault? - You're taking all day. And I told you to put that hose away and cut that grass. I didn't drop you on your head when you were a kid. Maybe your grandmother did. I remember the summer of'75... I didn't want to leave my neighborhood at all... especially my homeboy Smokey. But he went to rehab last month. And the way he smoke, ain't no tellin' when he gettin' out. Gonna sure miss him. I hate you, man. Here come that dog truck. Shut your mouth. We're about to fade to black. Stop! Get your ass out the car, Craig! This is the rematch! Think you can beat on my big brother and get away with it? - Punch it! - I got your butt now! Debo! Help! Fake-ass Suge Knight! I'm gonna find you and put my foot up your ass! - Get up! - Damn. I ain't kickin' with you no more. I'm going to Mommy house. Did you see that? Them niggers are like some wild dogs. That's why moving with your Uncle Elroy and your cousin Day-Day is best. Your sister moved out. It's time for you to move out too. It's time for your mother and I to walk around the house naked if we want to. What? Y'all are trying to walk around the house naked? Yes, we are. We're going to do it tonight when I get off of work. I can't wait to see your mama naked. That big old booty bouncing' around. High-heeled shoes on, walking on that shag rug... givin' me a lap dance, boy. - And my johnson swingin'... - Daddy! Ball goin' one way, johnson the other. The ball/johnson dance. Daddy! I don't wanna hear that. What's that smell? It must be your upper lip. I don't smell nothin'. I do! What it smell like? Like you didn't fall in mud. Use this spray. That's what I got this for. Too much! What's wrong with this window? That window don't come down. Remind me to get it fixed. Damn! Nice neighborhood, huh? It's all right. Fake-ass Brady Bunch. Eighteen years, son... I been chasin' nasty, stinkin', dirty, filthy dogs. I been bitten by every dog there is in the world... pit bull, boxers, collies, Seein' -Eye dogs. What about a Chihuahua? Twice! Then there's my brother Elroy. Everybody loves Elroy... a lazy nothin'! Hit the Lotto. I just can't understand it. - All right. You comin' in? - Hell no, I ain't goin' in there. I don't want to see Elroy's face or smell his stinkin' breath. It's going to be different living' out here. Don't let your uncle or your cousin get you into any kind of shit. I'm grown now. Can't nobody get me in trouble. I'm glad you said that. Since you're grown, don't bring your ass back home. Daddy, Craig's here! - Uncle Willie. - How you doin', Day-Day? - Where's your big-head father? - There he is right there. Hey, Unc! I heard you're running from an ass-whippin'. It ain't even like that. Talk to your brother. If it had been me, I'd have shot him. I know he'd have popped him. Hey, Willie! How's it goin'? Still stepping' in that dog shit every day? You take care of my boy. Don't worry about nothin', big bro. He's in the best hands in Rancho "Choke-among-us." I'm the king here. You just another nigger late paying' his rent. Ain't that right, nephew? - Yeah. - Wait, Craig. - Remember what I told you. - I'll remember. Now, Lotto stud... close my door, don't slam it. Can't even count to ten, and suddenly you hit the Lotto. Ain't that a bitch? Send Betty my love! - Boy, you lookin' good. - I can't call it. Give me that bag. When you're finished with him, come in. All right. Thanks, Unc. Damn. It's been what, a year, since we kicked it at the family reunion? It was about a year, huh? Yeah, man. Ever since you moved out here, we lost touch. I know. This is a long way from Watts. But the good thing about bein' out here... we don't hear no gunshots, no helicopters. No police, no crackheads, no chicken heads, no nothin'. Just clean, fresh air. Just smell. Smell good, huh? Taste good. Taste the air. - Yeah, dude. - Aw, man. Aw, shit! Who is that? The Joker brothers. That's Joker. He just got out of the pen. There's Little Joker. He just got out of Y.A. Then there's Baby Joker right there. He just got out the juvenile center. Then they got a little dog named Cheeco. You better watch him. He'll bite the shit out of you. But I got something better than that Cadillac. - What's that? - Peep this. What? Check this out. - This you? - A little something I picked up. - You diggin' that? - Damn. I wish we hit the Lotto and came up on a million dollars like y'all. After paying' taxes and lawyer fees and all Daddy's bad-ass credit... buyin' Viagra, tricking' with these sack chasers around here... $30, $40 now and then, I ain't end up with a million dollars. We end up with this crib and this bad motherfucker right here. It's off the hook. - You like that, huh? - I do. I just got them 20's there. Them ain't 20's, but it's off the hook. Them are 20's. No, they're tens. I bought 'em from somebody. - But they nice, though. - Yeah, they cool. They tight. Then since I had this, my pussy rate went... I get more pussy from police ladies. Everybody give me some pussy. What up, Day-Day? Oh, this lady is funny, man. She used to own a record booth at the Slauson swap meet. She is funny as hell. Come on. What up, Mulan? Hey, wait! Don't be steppin' on those flowers, motherfucker. I just planted that shit. - Who's your boy? - That's my cousin Craig from L.A. Craig, meet Miss Ho. Ho-Kym, motherfucker. Day-Day's just trying to be a smart-ass. Nice to meet you, Craig. Yo, Day-Day, something's going down with those eses across the street. Yeah, I've been seein' a lot of activity. What kind of activity? Strange activity. I think they're running drugs from Tijuana. - Day-Day don't believe me. - I ain't got time. Got to go, Miss Ho. I'm just kiddin'. Come by after work. I got the John Blaze shit for you. Nice to meet you. - Peace out, Craig. - Peace out. Yeah. Bye. See ya. Man. Nice hat. I told you she was funny. - Big house, ain't it? - Yeah, it is. Yeah. Y'all wish y'all had one like this, didn't ya? We do. Daddy! Where my shirt at? - Daddy, where my shirt? - Which one? The pink one? You have it here. Ran out of toilet paper, son. Sorry. - Sure was soft, though. - You wiped your ass with my shirt? Told you not to leave your shit in the bathroom. What you doin'? This is a nice house, man. I know. Thanks. I just wish Mama had a chance to see it. You know she had a heart attack and died when she found out we won the lottery. I know the story. If Mama had a chance to see this, she'd have been so happy. But that's how things work. Well, I'm about to go to work... something you might not never know nothin' about. - Know what I'm sayin'? - Where you workin' at? At Pinky's Record and Disc. You can't live in this house without a job. So try to think about that, 'cause I got me a job. Job, job, job. Damn. Suga! I'm comin'! Craig, I want you to meet my old lady Suga. Suga, my nephew Craig. You even cuter than your baby pictures. Thank you. We can keep it all in the family. You got a fat ass. All right, that's enough! Shit! That's enough! Go back upstairs, and put on some damn clothes! - Go now! - Help me out. Nice meetin' you, Craig. Nice to meet you. That woman gonna be the death of me one day. Viagra ain't workin'. My back keep goin' out. That freak can't get enough from your Uncle Elroy. But check this out. Got to lay some ground rules down on you. - You family. I love you. - I love you, too, Unc. You welcome to anything in my house... but don't let me catch you in my refrigerator... or with your finger in my sugar bowl. - You feel me knockin'? - I feel you. Well, let me in. Who is that with Day-Day's car? That D'wana. Boy's ex. Hey, Day-Day! That crazy bitch out there again! - What's she doin' with that key? - Damn. - Aw, shit! - Is she writing' on it? - Scratchin' the shit out of it. - Goddamn! What y'all just standin' there lookin'? Do something! Huggin', just standin' there. You're supposed to be 1,000 feet away from my house! Nigger, you can't quit me. I'm pregnant with your baby. That ain't my baby. That's my baby right there. Aw, man! You keyed my... Bitch, you keyed my... I got your bitch right here. Yeah, nigger. Daddy, she sprayed me! Shut up, you punk! Don't nobody quit me. Wait till I tell Baby D. She gonna fuck you up! - She sprayed the player! - Better watch your back! Be still. Boy, look like you got a fatal attraction on your hands. I had two or three of 'em in my day. Craig, I hope you can handle your women better than this fool can. - That's too much water. - Nah, it ain't. Take 20 minutes. I've been pepper-sprayed nine times. Take 20 minutes. You got 19 to go. Let me show you the backyard. It's bigger than y'all's backyard. Call the police and tell them to get me another restraining order. Yeah, you gotta have a little money to live out here. Oh, yeah? I know what you're thinkin'. I was the one back in the day always talkin' about how I love the hood... I love the ghetto. I was the one sayin' I wasn't the kind of nigger to run to the suburbs. You're right, that's what I said. But soon as I got my check, I was gone! Paid $230,000 cash on this place. - You paid cash for this? - Cash money! Don't try to stick me with some 30-year payment plan. That's for suckers. Got my daddy like that years ago on a Cadillac. I got the only house on the block paid for. That's why I'm the king around here! You're the king, Unc. How you like that pool? - Big, ain't it? - Yeah, it's cool. But where the water at? Don't need no water. Ain't no pools in the projects. None of us swim. - So y'all never use it? - Never. But the Jacuzzi, that's something else. Me and my Suga get real nasty in there. Guess I left that in there. You welcome to use it anytime you want. Shit, you my brother's boy! That's all right, Unc. I can't swim neither. No? Good. I won't have to clean up behind you then. Come on. Let me show you something else. Man, you straight? No, I ain't straight. My eyes still red? A little bit. - A little bit? - She fucked you up. Can't taste nothin'. My tongue is numb. Why'd y'all let her do this shit? It's your girl. What's up with her, man? She mean as hell. I met D'wana about three months ago. She had a pudge on her stomach, but I ain't pay no attention to it. I thought it came from drinkin' 40's 'cause she had beer on her breath. Turns out she's six months pregnant. Told me I'm the baby's daddy. - What? - Yeah. How you gonna be the baby's daddy? You know she's lyin'. I broke up with D'wana two Fridays ago. I got a restraining order on her, and she don't care about that. - What? - She got me fuckin' up. I broke up with her two months ago, two Fridays ago... and she don't care about no restraining order or nothin'. - You all right with them pants? - Get out of my business. How you gonna have a restraining order on your girl? What's up with y'all? Where'd you meet her? I was on my way to the 'hood to buy them 20's. I mean, them tens. They're tens, but I keep 'em clean. I was on my way, and she had a burger in her hand. I wanted a piece of it, and I stopped. We got to rappin'. It was the worst day of my life! Damn. Psycho, huh? She must be worse than Left Eye from TLC. But this fat bitch ain't burning'. That ain't the cold part. She got a sister named Baby D. This fat bitch get physical. She sells dope, do hair and baby-sit out of the same house. The police don't know when to go in. I got a restraining order on her too. You got a restraining order on a little girl named Baby D? You don't know Baby D. That's why you're lookin' at me, 'cause you don't know Baby D. Her fat ass be snoring, won't even be asleep, just standing. Little cupcakes and shit... This bitch know about all the new snacks before they even hit the street. All the bootleg snacks. Year 2000 snacks. Gonna tell me about a new Twinkie comin' out next month. It's a bad motherfucker. When you bite into a cream-filled, it shoot all over your mouth. I'm getting ready to go to work. 'Cause I'm a player. I don't have to deal with this shit. You got your shirt on backwards. Players fuck up. Snatch that shit off your head. Don't worry about what I'm doin'! Why didn't y'all do nothin' when that fat bitch jumped on me? Y'all a trip. I'm running away from here. - We gotta pull over. - Be quiet! - Fuckin' nuts is hurtin'. - We got some business to take care of. Shit! Mommy! Keep your mind on the business, man! I'm gonna kick Craig's butt. Where we goin' anyway, man? Damn, Debo. Fuckin' ass is hurtin'. What we doin' here anyway? Close your mouth, I'll tell you. This is how the plan goes. Call over there and say you have an urgent message for Mr. William Jones. What urgent message? The message is: "Drop everything. Craig's in trouble. Come quick." - I don't think that's gonna work. - Just do it! - I don't know the number. - It's on the building. Just pick the phone up. I feel five pounds lighter. What? Jealous? What's that? Come on! Where's my burrito? What's wrong with you? What kind of place is this? Come on! Give me my stuff! Hello? I got an urgent message for a nigger named Mr. Willie... - Willie who? - It's William, fool! I got an urgent message for Mr. William Jones. Yeah. The urgent message is: "Drop everything. Craig's in trouble. Come quick." - Craig who? Who's this? - Man, nigger! Just tell him he can call on Tyrone. Tell him it's a friend of the family's. When you gonna stop hittin' me? I'm gonna bust your ass like Craig did, knock your eyes straight. - Hot sauce, please. - Just a second. Hot sauce, thank you. Someone just called to say Craig's in trouble. - What? - Craig's in trouble. I don't know. What? Oh, man! Hold on, Craig. I'm comin'. - Give me my money. Come on. - Just a second, man. Come on, Taco Jim. Give me my money. Come on, man. Give me my money. Get the fuck outta here. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. What you doin' out of the truck? What the hell's happening around here? - Kiss my ass. - Don't take my hot sauce. This ain't bad, right? Yeah, it is. That scratch make it real ugly, make you not even want to drive it. Damn! Who is that? Who? That's their sister. Damn. You know what? I'm beginning to like Rancho Cucamonga. - Well, don't like it. - Why not? We need to improve on black and brown relations. Because there's been tension between us and them since they got out the pen. I am trying to keep it peaceful around here. I'm tryin' to have none of that gangsta-thug stuff. We livin' good, eatin' shrimps and steak. What you... Don't do... I'm tellin' you, don't mess with her. Slow down. Damn, you walk fast. - I'm Craig. What's your name? - Karla. Craig and Karla. That sounds good together, huh? Yeah, kind of. She's a sack chaser, man! I tried to hit it. She wouldn't give me none. I bet you don't get none. I bet you don't get it. I hope you don't get it. - Where you goin'? - To the Cucamonga Shopping Center. - Let it go, man! - I told you. Whites in hot and colors in cold. Gonna ruin my Dickies! Hold this! What the fuck? You got a sexy voice. Say something in Spanish. I think Karla's got jungle fever! You want a ride? I don't know. Fuck that. Hey, Cheeco! It's lunchtime! - We're gonna get you a ride. - Run! Run! What? Cheeco! Run! - Shit! - Cheeco, no! Get that fucker! You know you like dark meat! Those mayates are fast, like they're sponsored by Nike. Black man can jump. Joker, get your dog! This is bullshit! Joker, call your dog! Man, get off of my car! Get off of my shit! - I got something for him. - Get him! Get his ass. Yeah. Fuck this! I can't believe he did that to our dog. You Uncle Willie's son. You don't play that shit. Cruelty to animals! Cruelty to animals! Cheeco, get your ass over here! That's wrong. He did nothing to you. Get down. Get down. - Sorry. - Come on. Look at my roof. You play too much. If I get in trouble with them... I got to live here! You don't! You gonna get me in trouble! Get out of the way! Move! Just move! Shit! I was just trying to... I was just trying to help your scary ass. You fuckin' hit my dog! You're fucked up now! You fucked him up for life! He's scarred! We'll get you back! Fucker. Nephew, you got perfect timing. About to start a little puff-puff give in this motherfucker. Are you down? Why don't you sit next to your auntie. I know you smoke a little weed, right? - Why you say that? - 'Cause your lip's turning black. Would you like some wine, baby? No, thank you. Well, how about a little cognac? No. It's kind of early. Shit, I can roll a blunt better than them bitches in Havana. I know Willie don't let you smoke in his house... but I'm your Uncle Elroy! I don't give a damn how high you get in mine... as long as you let me hit it. Look at that. Fire that shit up, boy. I'm about to show y'all who the real Puff Daddy is! Unc. Baby? It's the Bombay! Think they really went to the moon? They say they went to the moon. There ain't no gravity out there. That mean we can get high and never come down. What numbers did you pick? Your original aunt picked... six numbers. She used her weight, I think. Goddamn. I know why you got her now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Put some hot sauce on my burrito, baby Don't you know it's good to me Debo! Debo! - What? - I can't feel my legs, man! Put some hot sauce on my burrito, baby You know you look good to me Oh, man, that's good. Just hold on, Craig. I'm comin', son. Negro, what the hell you doin' to my woman? I don't know. I must... - Suga? - Huh? What the hell you doin' to my nephew? I thought that was you, baby. Come on, baby. I'm faded, feelin' X-rated. It's Mr. Nasty time. Oh, Mr. Nasty time. It's Mr. Nasty time. Take it easy on my back. Be back in a minute. Make yourself at home, nephew. - Come on. - Thanks. - That's it, that's it. - Yeah, yeah. Call me Elroy! - Damn, Unc. - That's enough. Get that shit. Papi, I wish I was with you right now. Yeah, me too. Yeah? Well, you ever heard of El Niño? Yeah. Well, this is El Negro. Come here and let me tap that ass. Delivery. Got a delivery! - Who is it? - Got a delivery. Come on, spark plug. I got a delivery. It's hot out here, buddy. Come on, sparky. - What's up? - Nice house. I didn't expect you to answer, but this is a fine place. What are you, one of those entertainer guys? Do you play sports? What team you play for? I play for the Cucamonga Cracker Killers. Don't want any trouble. You don't have to send your posse out here to do a 187 in my ass. Just got a little mail for you to sign, partner. - What's this? - A delinquent property tax notice. I hope the Cracker Killers pay well. Otherwise, it's back to the ghetto you go. Take it easy. Hustlin' and survivin' Good times Oh, fuck! Good boy! Heel! "Your house will be seized and auctioned... tomorrow at 9:00 a.m." Tomorrow? Uncle Elroy, you got some mail. Uncle Elroy, you got a notice. Damn. Unc is a freak. Unc, you got this tax notice, man. Come here! I'll tear that ass up again! I like it when you treat me rough! God, man, what you doin'? Get your hands off my ass, girl! Let me go! Let me go, goddamn it! Yo, Day-Day, check it out. If Pinky come in and see you doin' that X - Game shit off the counter... we'll get fired. Motherfuckers! You motherfuckers! What the fuck is this? - You motherfuckers! - Can I help you? Yes. What is this, huh? This is rock. I can't get jiggy with this shit. Where's the damn manager? That Pink motherfucker. The manager's not here. I'm running the store. You look like the player-hater who sold me this shit. Give me my money back now! And I have no damn receipt. - Where's the cover? - I have no damn cover! - Kiss my ass! So what? - Can I see it, sir? You been chewing' on this before you came here? Bullshit! You know who you're fucking with? - Bishop Tutu? - Try again, motherfucker. - Winnie Mandela's little... - Try again, motherfucker! Just an ugly black dude. I'll go postal on this motherfucker! You better get your hostile ass out of here. You bitch. Oh, shit! Don't hit me. This is John Blaze. I can get jiggy with it. - Get your ass out of here! - I'm just a bitch-ass nigger. - Don't hit me! - You see that? - How'd you get out here? - I walked. You can't walk around this white neighborhood. You look suspect. Y'all got a notice, certified mail. Craig, this is Roach, my white slave. Roach works around the store doin' anything I tell him to. That's my cousin Craig who beat up Debo. What's up, bro? - What's up? - What do we got? - You know what this is? - What is it? Get the phone! You wouldn't know about this. - This is black problems. - Pinky's. Yeah. We probably don't owe too much 'cause we ain't been spending money that much. - Oh, man! - What? We owe 3,900 by tomorrow. Shit, man! How much y'all got from the lottery? I don't know. I bought some shoes. I gotta check my book. - Check your bank book. - Go back here with me. That African might have circled around the block or something. Yeah, he's here. No, he's right here. All right. - $247. - That's it? - Who was that? - This girl named D'wana. - She's outside and wants to talk to you. - Come here. Get over here. Shit. - What's the matter? - D'wana brought Baby D's fat ass here. Come on, D. Let's fuck this nigger up. That white boy said he was in here. Day-Day! Don't make me break this window! - Craig, do me a favor. - What? - Go tell them I ain't here. - Hell no. I ain't in it. - You already in it, cuz. - I'll just go do it. Get your ass back here! What the fuck you doin'? She'll sit on your little ass. Craig gotta do it. He beat Debo ass. And he cold. Craig? You gonna do that for me? Go ahead, man. Hurry up, nigger! Shut up. That don't look like Day-Day. Open the door. Day-Day ain't here. - Who are you? - I'm his cousin. We didn't come here for Day-Day. - Yes, you did. - No, we came to buy a CD. - Move! - Punk. These whores ain't got no manners. Where that boy telling' me Day-Day was here? I don't know. I think he went out back to throw away some boxes. - Well, can I look for myself? - No, you cannot. - Hey, ladies. - Where's Day-Day? - I thought y'all wanted to buy a CD. - I do. Can you show me where the jazz section is? Jazz? You know damn well you don't want to hear jazz. Come on. I know y'all playin' games. If Day-Day come back, tell him I need to see him... 'cause the child-carin' classes start on Wednesday. Come on, D. I ain't got time for this. Wait. Ain't your restroom this way? You better have some toilet paper. - Damn! - Here he is! Baby, here he is! Here, Baby! Get him! Come on. You better go on with the bullshit. Do something about it! Why don't y'all do something about this shit? - Come on! - She moves well for a big girl. You better quit with the bullshit! - You better stop runnin' from that girl. - Fuck you! Come on, big Baby D. D'wana, I don't even like you like that. - Somebody call Jenny Craig. - Hello. Remember me? Hell yeah, I remember you. I'm sorry about what my brothers did to you this morning. They're just assholes. You don't have to apologize for your brothers. I wanted to give you this. If my brothers weren't so overprotective... I'd have you call the house, but for now page me when you get a chance. - I'll do that. - Better sooner than later. - Yeah? - Yeah. Shit, it might be tonight. Get your ass back! Baby D, go on with the bullshit! You ain't gonna catch me, as usual. Let's make a deal while we can. You're not gonna catch me. What you want? Another Big Pun CD? Kelly Price? - Luther Vandross? - Hell no. That ain't gonna do? How about that? Just like you had in the jail commissary... without the wrapper. You can get to it quick. - I'm on a diet. - No, your fat ass ain't. Yeah. Taste it, Baby D. Damn, it's good! Eat that... - Your cousin Craig, hook us up. - That's it? Just tell him to come over here and talk to me. - And I can go free? - Go before I change my mind! What happened? Made a deal. All you gotta do is go over there. - You gotta talk to her. - What do you mean, "talk to her"? - She want to talk to you. - Talk to me? Go talk to her. Mother love. Fat... I'm gone. - Come on! - Day-Day, I'm gonna kill your ass! You gotta come outside sometime! See, I done told you. I done told you. Why you let her do this shit? - What was that? - You don't wanna know. - Thanks a lot, Craig. - Look. We cousins, but don't be tryin' to hook me up... with the little sister that's bigger than the big sister. - Fat bitches need love, too, Craig. - For sure. Oh, man! Oh, my stomach. Say, let me get by! Too much hot sauce. I gotta go to the bathroom. I gotta go to the bathroom. Let me over! Somebody help me, please! Too much traffic. What's this traffic doin'? Hey, y'all, move over! Move up! Everybody, move! - Worst day of my life. - Damn, you sad. I know how you're feelin', man. If I had my bong on me now, I'd let you toke till you choke. I got this, though. - What's that green shit hangin' out? - That's chronic, dude. Try it. I ain't got no bong or no bullshit brownie, but voilà. Whoa! I'm the one with the problems! - Shit. - Enjoy, man. Better open that window before the smell get out. - These windows don't work in here. Till we close Then--- I'll tell you later See you Remember, don't go home so early I've never looked so cool playing games with a crew of people behind me Too bad we're going back in a couple of days Otherwise, we'll take him with us Right, Sato? The best thing is they don't know what we're saying I want to tell you a secret okay I understand Cantonese I understand, can't speak I love you You're joking Marry me I think I'd better speak in Cantonese Marry--- me I've had many girlfriends before But you're the first one that I want to marry I've been with my boyfriend for a long time But he never said he wanted to marry me You're the one for me He maybe just a little ex cited Marriage is serious, think carefully The things I've planned all these years vanished in a second I think I can trust this I'll bet on this I think you have to tell Dat Why? She has to at least tell him I guess it is appropriate What're you doing here? Having dinner Have you had dinner? I made famous Okinawa bitter melon I thought we're--- doing---the--- Are you talking about the robbery? Oh, she knows too That means we've got to split it 4 ways No Two of us have decided to pull out It's so little money, the weather is hot That's right Really hot We've made a start already You're a famous thief show some professions Have some ambition Don't quit halfway We're almost there, you do it yourself You're kidding You are so unreliable What're we missing? Put in the explosives The whole thing? You only need a touch of it Are you teaching cooking What exactly is a touch? How much? Please, help yourself Thank you Yes So lucky Lucky Alright--- Ready--- 1, 2, 3--- Ah, wait--- What? After it goes off You two rush in to get the money We'll split it into 4 ways Okay? I'll even split my share with you Fifty-fifty Me forty, you sixty Or me thirty, you seventy Twenty-eighty Ten-ninety There's no need Officer Law Your police badge That looks a lot like me What do you want to do? Kill you It's more like S M than killing me Let her play Play what? Be careful with that gun Yes, unlock the safety button I tell you, I'm a cop A bad cop Who teaches people to steal Girl, they're using you You'll be a murderer The minimal sentence is life imprisonment We will dispose of all evidence Please don't--- There will be blood all over the floor So what? We'll get something go cover up the floor We'll use a newspaper What're you doing? Let him go Why? He set me up He's a cop He tried to set me up He's my friend Friend or boyfriend? Phone call for you Thanks Hello Are you Mr. Law? Yes, speaking I'm Ken Sato Ken Sato? I don't know you Sandy is with me now I will take care of her for you What? What do you mean? That's quite complicated I'm not gonna explain Hey, what do you want? You don't have what I want, Mr. Law Come on, let Sandy talk to me She doesn't want to talk I said let Sandy talk to me Goodbye, Mr. Law Hey, don't hang up, hey you--- That guy's got my girlfriend What the hell for? I think I know why He wants this Oh, let me borrow it, I have to go save her She's Sato's girl I thought you broke up with her She was once my girlfriend You understand That's our money I don't care I can forget the whole thing But I must borrow the money to get her back Come, I'll take you I don't know what you're up to But the money goes back to Sato it will eventually come back to us You're not going? Everyone is under a curse So, you must be Mr. Law Yes, speaking I came here to--- I understand Cantonese Good I'm here to take Sandy away I'll give you back the money I don't understand You said you understood Cantonese? I mean I never say anything about money Sandy isn't your girlfriend anymore right? How do you know we broke up? Did you interrogate her? Did you torture her? Did you abuse her? Sandy, I think you better explain Dat Sandy, are you alright? What're you doing? Did he torture you? Abuse you? What do you mean? I'm happy Didn't he kidnap you? Kidnap? We're going to get married You're kidding You just left a cop Now you're marrying to the mob? He promised me he'll change to legal business Really? What? Then it's stupid of me to come Not entirely At least you risked you life to come and save me That's heroic And the poem you wrote it was very well-written I'll treasure at Li Ao wrote it, I plagiarized it Jenny I'm returning it What? You'll be married soon Sorry I'm not angry with you As long as you're happy Where are you going? I don't know Someone bully you? I've got to go, bye You first You take care Found Sato's hiding place I'll get you some more coffee Thank you The stuff you wanted I don't want your money I'll even forget the set up provided let Jenny go Where's she? She left Jenny Don't bother, she's long gone I can't believe you misunderstood me and Jenny You've got a dirty mind I'll put a bullet in your head I don't believe it Don't you want to ask me where she went? Like she would tell you? Good luck Looking for something? Three of us came and only two leaving At least no one died Aren't you glad you broke up? It's natural to be sad Come, I'll get it No thanks You're a woman Li Ao? You read Li Ao? Can't I? For you, to bless you Thank you You're the only one who has my number I won't ever change it, call me Playing Batman? Where are you going? Back to her village Told you life was unpredictable You see how we've all ended up It's alright Failure is the mother of all success Proverbs, chapter 18, verses 1-24. Through desire, a man, having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all wisdom. Seeketh and intermeddleth with all wisdom. A man hath no delight in understanding but that his heart may discover itself. These iniquities called moving pictures are nothing more than one of Satan's tools for blinding the eyes of the poor lost souls who would look upon such images. It is not unlike lot's wife who was tempted by Lucifer and drawn to look back upon sodom and gomorrah. These sad, stray lambs, too, as shall most of the sons and daughters of this once God-fearing nation be turned to pillars of salt and lost in eternal fires. Be turned to pillars of salt and lost in eternal fires. Take refuge in this, his holy word, while there is still time. How long will your marshal allow this flickering den of sin to rob the poor wandering sheep in this plague-ridden little Hamlet of their clear sight? These are the things I've been telling you of, my people, these iniquities. This is what happens when you do not this is what happens when you do not follow the word of our lord. Stupid idiot... Stupid idiot Scared everybody half to death. Take refuge in that. I'm going' to Texas. Ain't no good. What's going on in there? You're goin' to jail. You earned yourself a trip to jail. He broke my movin' picture box, clete. You gonna make him pay for it? Come on. It cost me $50.00. He broke it! I ain't even had it a month. If he ain't got no money, I want his boots. Can I have his gun belt, or his gun? And I want the cartridges in it, too. And I want the cartridges in it, too. And his coat. Whatever he's wearing. He's gonna pay for my box. You gonna pay for it, ain't ye? Huh? Well, ain't ye? You gonna pay for it! I'll take his hat and his coat... Go on. ...and everything he's got. You know where you goin'. Go on. Hold on a minute. Excuse us, marshal. There you go. He's goin' to the back. Are you gonna make him pay for my moving' picture box? That thing was brand new, almost, and it cost me a lot of money and I want it paid for. Eli, you want a cup of coffee? Clete, would you get Eli a cup of coffee? I surely will. I surely will. Marshal... Is there any likely I could leave early today? Well, yeah, clete, that's OK. Surely appreciate it. Sure gotta get my wife a present. Surely do. Surely do. I ain't got so much thought on what to get a woman. Surely don't. I don't know what you'd get a woman either, clete. I suspect they'd want the one thing you didn't get 'em. Oh, I surely hope not. I ain't so sure no more why I married up to her. I sure ain't. I suspect it's nice to have someone I suspect it's nice to have someone to go home to at night, isn't it, clete? Well... Yes, sir, that's right. It surely is nice to have someone to go home to. That's why I done it, marshal. Sure is. Hello, clete. I sure wish you a merry Christmas, miss Tess. You have a merry Christmas, too. And say merry Christmas to heddle for me. I will. I will. Yes, ma'am, I surely will. Nice seeing you. That's a lot of gifts. Almost doesn't leave you any room to be a marshal, does it? It doesn't really take that much space to be a marshal, Tess. Um, that's lucky that you don't need much room to work so you can have lots of gifts. Isn't it kinda hard to breathe? This one's got a lot of perfume on it. I'm not breathing very well. Can you feel it? Do you feel faint, Tess? I mean, you look OK. Well, looks can fool you, marshal. I think I do feel faint. I think I do feel faint. Is there anything I can do, Tess? If I could just get some fresh air. That perfume's bothering me. Do you want me to open a door or a window? Yeah, that would help a little. Well, I gotta help you more than a little, Tess. Hey, Tess? Tess? Hey, Tess, maybe I better go get the doctor. Hey, Tess, maybe I better go get the doctor. Should I go get the doctor? Hmm? Hey! Goddamn! Just kissing'. Just kissing'. I forgot about you and your coffee, Eli. I forgot about you and your coffee, Eli. You wanna go home? Got a little piece of news I believe is just gonna tickle you. Appears to be that the marshal in this piss pit might just be an old friend of yours. Oh, I--I can come back later. No. Come on in. No. Come on in. He loves pie. Thank you, Jenny. That's sweet. Would you like a piece of pie, Tess? Feliz navidad, ma'am. Feliz navidad, ma'am. Good afternoon. Reckon I better go down and see Sandy. Check on how bad that fella shot up the livery. How many pies does this make? Well, that would've been 3. Why don't you just put your fingers in the middle of it, Tess? That'd be quicker than working your way in from the outside, don't you reckon? From the outside, don't you reckon? I'm not much of a cook. Who said anything about your cookin'? You don't care if we have dinner or not? No. Marshal? Marshal? Yeah, what? Good afternoon, marshal. Hello, Taylor. Good afternoon, Mrs. Casey, is it? This is Tess bonaventure. She's a friend of mine. Mmm. You're a long way from amarillo, Taylor. You're a long way from amarillo, Taylor. Got ourselves a ranch out across yonder, in old Mexico. It's real nice. It is indeed a pleasure to meet you, miss bonaventure. A pleasure. This is Taylor Henry. My family ranched near Taylor's family. Daddy wants you to bring Valentine outside so's they can talk. Leland's here. Arvid, you didn't even say hi to your brother, here... The marshal. The marshal. What's it been, val, about 11 years? A long time, Taylor. Really? Sure doesn't seem all that long to me, val. These are your brothers? No. I didn't mean to shame you, val, by bringing up old family ties and all. You didn't shame me, Taylor. We're not brothers. No? No? Ok. Not by blood, but-- You know, I figure daddy raising' you and all... That ought to count for something, shouldn't it, val? I guess, Taylor. Between me and leland. Let's go. "And the lord sayeth, I and my father are one." "And the son sayeth unto him... "Father, I have sinned against heaven, "and in thy sight I'm no longer worthy to be called thy son." Valentine, come over here and take my hand. Sissy, mind yourself. Leave Valentine alone. Sissy! You're lookin' well, boy. You're lookin' well, boy. We read about you in the newspaper, being wounded, being in Cuba. We were real proud when we learned you'd made lieutenant, were we not, boys? I bet you was real handsome when you was shot. Were we not, boys? ! Daddy was all tore up about that, val. What brings the Henrys to Los tragos, leland? We have business up in tuscon. We have business up in tuscon. Never knew you to travel much during the holidays. I came through here hoping to find a chemist. We got one, but he's not here. He's gone back east till after the new year. You still use the laudanum? Yes. It, like my chair, I remain shackled to, Valentine. It, like my chair, I remain shackled to, Valentine. I was hoping, uh, you'd ride with us just a little ways. We could catch up a bit. Well, you caught me at a bad time, leland... With Christmas tomorrow. I'm disappointed. I'd looked forward to talking. Daddy, maybe I could stay here with Valentine and you could pick me up on y'all's way back through. We're not passing through here again, sissy. Now get up in the wagon. Oh, let him have her. The rest of us are tired to damn death of her. The rest of us are tired to damn death of her. We'll be leaving you now, marshal. Git! I love you, Valentine. Yah! Heh! Let's go! Let's go! Val, val. Drop it! Hey, clete! Stop, clete, wait! Stop, clete, wait! Giddy up! Giddy up! Stop! Stop the wagon, sissy! What the hell is wrong with you, sissy? Turn this wagon around so I can see that bastard's face. Daddy, no, please don't kill him. Turn, turn, turn! Turn, turn, turn! Val, you run! Run on, val, run! Leland! Don't make me shoot you, leland. I swear to God I'll shoot the living-- Heddie! Out, then! Out, I said! Hyah, hyah! Nice doggy. Nice doggy. Don't be beatin' on that goddamned door! Come on in here, goddamn it! Vamonos, pachuco! ¡Andele, andele! Don't stand there like a bug in his shit! ¡Andele! ¡Andele! I'm agent otts, from the war department. I trust you received a wire from judge combes. Good. I'm damn glad of it that you're here. When you quit chewing the cud with that ass boil back there, I'm gonna hang him. I would have already hung him if it hadn't have been for that court cable. I'd have hung him 2 weeks ago. That lowdown cheat... Killed my sister's man. Now she's back livin' with me and mine. Now she's back livin' with me and mine. Well, the department thanks you, sheriff, for keeping your emotions bridled. Pardon me. I need to speak... To Mr. Sanchez... Regarding a family named Henry he rode with. They robbed a bank. They murdered several people Christmas Eve last year. What are you doing there? What's that stink? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, excuse me. Clove oil. A marvelous gentleman on the train gave it to me. Been experiencing some difficulty with a tooth. I do apologize. It's rather pungent. Actually, I've been receiving a small measure of relief from it. Uh-huh. I, uh-- I cabled Santa Fe, and... When I made his capture, he had not a nickel on him except what he cheated off my sister's man. Except what he cheated off my sister's man. I understand, but it's not the money that we're concerned with. Good. What I need is the information regarding marshal Casey. Uh, it is of the utmost importance. When you get through jawboning with him, we're gonna have to work on that rope. I want to make him hop and squeal. Bills! Huh, bills. Huh, bills. What? Go back and open up that bull turd's cell. Have you got a gun? No. Well, yes. I mean, I guess. Actually, I have an issued small caliber revolver, but it's out in the trunk... By the dog. Uh, I--I believe it's unloaded, but if you like, I'll go and-- But if you like, I'll go and-- No, no, no! Hell, no. Take that key... And go out there and wait by that cell door. And don't be foolin' with that lock. Not until my man gets there and holds a gun on that pus weasel. Thank you, sir. Get on up! There's a government man here to talk to you. You rot in hell. Go on. Hey, don't. I'm sorry? Not there. I beg your pardon. Ooh! Oh! That's the shit hole. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Hey, don't sling that around, goddamn it! I'll knock the fuck out of you! Now, just stand the fuck still. Now, what do you want? Take that fucking rag off your mouth. I can't hear a goddamn word you sayin', you silly-ass bastard. I can't. I'm gonna throw up. Hey, I don't give a shit! Don't even think about throwin' up. I hope you damn choke on it. I hope you damn choke on it. I've been smelling' it for a damn month, and I didn't ask you to come here and stomp the fuck around in it, neither. Now, who the hell are you? And what the fuck do you want? They don't cut your hair here, do they? What? ! No, I didn't mean it the wrong way. I'm just saying, I--I-- I have not been able to find anyone to cut my hair, you know, since St. Louis. Uh, listen, I'm sorry I stomped around in your messings. I--I--I really-- I--I--I really-- Look, I'm with the war department. I'm trying to find out about Valentine Casey. He was reported alive and marshaling in Los tragos when you were ridin' with the Henrys during that Christmas payroll robbery massacre last year. Who you calling a massacreer? No, no, nobody, no, no. It's just there were some killings... And I need to be clear on wh happened, that's all. Yeah? Well, I'll just clear you up on old val Casey. Everybody makes him out to be somethin'. Everybody makes him out to be somethin'. Act like he's all up and above everybody else. He ain't no better than the rest of them damn Henrys, because that's what he is, too. One of 'em. Yeah, a Henry. I bet you didn't know that, did you? Huh, government man? Bet you didn't know that. I--we, uh, well, yes, we were aware that he did live with the Henrys when his own family died. Well, were you we all aware that when he lived with 'em, that when he lived with 'em, he rode with 'em when they went and burned those people alive at the tuttle ranch? Huh? No, sir. No, sir. You weren't, were you? I think there's something on record in our files about an incident and a fire, but as far as I know, there was no indication that he was either on the premises or involved in any way. Well, I'm indicating' it to you, government man. I'll note that. Have you come across him since the robbery? Hell, no. I ain't seen him. Hell, no. I ain't seen him. Well, do know if anyone-- Even the Henrys, perhaps-- Might know where he might be? Oh, no. Oh, come on. Give some to daddy. Give some to daddy. Oh, my God. Oh, no, no. Don't do that. Oh, goddamn. Oh, no. Oh, please. Oh, hey, hey! No, stop! Stop it. Oh, deputy! Oh, no. Bills! See if that beaner bitch of his is out yonder again. For Christ's sake, I can't sleep. Get on out of here! Damn you, little bitch! Go on, now, git! Go on! Goddamn you, Harris! Goddamn it! I didn't get my nut off! You worthless cocksucker! I'm gonna kill you twice, Harris! I'm gonna kill you twice! Goddamn you! Goddamn you! You so much as flinch or even worm wiggle... You done with him? Fine. Are you done yet? Damn it, I ain't got time for this horse shit. Goddamn you, Harris! Goddamn you, Harris! Ahh. Oh... My shoe is ruined. Oh, excuse me, ma'am. I wonder if I could get cleaned up in here? Do you speak English? Um, I... Oh--oh, my God. Oh--oh, my God. Boy, I think I'm gonna faint. Hey, goddamn it! Hey! Goddamn it, shut that shit up! Goddamn it, shut that shit up! Goddamn it! I said shut it up now! Well, you simple-assed bastard! I ought to knock hell out of you into next week! I'm talking to you, you mule-eared shit brain! Where's my watch? Hello? Hello? Were those gunshots? Excuse me. Excuse me. The girl. Buenos días. The girl. And... My pants? Have you seen my "pantos?" My "panto-titos?" Uh, "pantos." Afuera. What? Afuera. Hey, hey! Oh, yeah. I'm gonna scald your ass till you ain't got a piece of hide left on your balls. That's it. Don't. Don't? Who said don't? Is that what you said, "don't"? Hey. The government man. What the hell are you doing? I just--I think-- It's just the man seems hurt something terrible. Not you, you leech-lipped yankee bastard. What's my whore doin' between your cum-slinging legs? I don't know! I'll make you squat to pee. Bring this cunt sniffer over to me now. Hey, bitch. Give me that belt and my jacket. I didn't know! Yeah? Well, maybe you ought to find out yeah? Well, maybe you ought to find out who's you a-fucking. No, mommy! Mommy, no! Mommy! Mommy, no! Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna spank you. Uh-huh. Mommy's gonna whip the dog shit out of her little government man. Well, come on in or get back out. Would you be so kind as to direct me to the man called Angus dunfries? To the man called Angus dunfries? He's across the road in the livery there. What are you needin' with him? Well, I'll be needing to speak to him presently. Thank you for the information as to his whereabouts. Who's that with you? That would be your daughter, adalyne. Where you been, addy? Hey, who the hell are you? I'm the man who brought her here to speak with her Uncle, your brother, the man they call Angus. Well, he ain't gonna talk to you you call him Angus! Nobody calls him Angus. Helluva lot you know! His name's doc. Well, go on, walk away! Well, go on, walk away! You'll come back and find me if you want to speak to him, you will. No, no, no. I will not! Some... Far off place where nobody knows... How to be with her. And--and-- And look what that other place caused you. The place didn't do that. Well, all I know is you was fine... When you left here. You was fine... When you left here. It's not why it happened, Uncle Angus. I don't want to talk about me. I don't want... Whatever caused that to happen to happen to her. She don't need none of 'em. Goddamn it, she ain't deaf! Maggie! Margaret Nora! Margaret Nora! Now, you see? She hears me fine. Maggie, come on. I know, I know... Come with me. Mr. dunfries? I've got, uh, some horses we need to board with you. I've got a couple saddle horses here and 3 green-broke that we got up in your corral with saddlers we need to put inside. Would that be all right, Mr. dunfries? Yeah. Uh... You can put 'em in-- You can put 'em in-- In that barn in the-- In the second stable. Here you go, val. They rent rooms at that depot over there? Oh, yeah. Uh... That's my, uh, brother's railroad hotel. That's my, uh, brother's railroad hotel. Yeah, uh, 2 bits, uh, each. That's fair. And, uh... You can use the tub. All right. Well, thank you. Hey! Uh... If you're gonna have supper, it's 10 cents extra. It's 10 cents extra. Now... You have to tell 'em that, so they know to charge you 10 cent extra. All right. Ok, thank you. Chief, we got a wire here from shoshone bill. He crossed back over the border again this morning. It says, um... "Will possible make dunfries tomorrow A.M.--stop. "Will possible make dunfries tomorrow A.M.--stop. "No luck Mexican rough stock. "Still need cattle, horses, riders, dancers--stop. "Please inform Mr. Valentine Casey "our impending arrival--stop. Yours, major William s. Guthries." Well... Nathan, I guess you better get them girls, squaws, and them young buck riders for 'em to take a look at. You're Casey, right? You're Casey, right? Mm-hmm. You heard what I read? Yes, thank you. You want to see it? No, that's not necessary. I understand. He returns tomorrow? Mm-hmm. Those his cattle cars up the rail? Yeah, a spare train's gonna take them and his Pullman's up to the main line when we're done with business. Mr. dunfries, I'd like to order a round of cognac for you and your associate... As well as Mr. Casey here... As well as Mr. Casey here... In anticipation of a successful conclusion to your business transactions with shoshone bill and his frontier show. And I might add that I did see his show in St. Louis... And indeed, it was, uh... An extravaganza of Western performance unequaled by anything I've run across yet. And that includes New York shows and circuses from Europe. Well, I ain't got no cognac. Napoleon's Brandy. Now, I got that. Napoleon's Brandy. Now, I got that. It's a $2 bottle if that'll suit you. Of course, that's fine. Brandy's fine. Well, good. Actually, alcohol goes straight through me. No, thank you. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. I'm surprised you were able to keep that bottle back there long enough to gather dust. Well, there might be a whole lot about me that would surprise you, little girl. Thank you. You came from Canada? What? Excuse me, I was-- I didn't mean to interrupt you. I was just gonna thank the gentleman I was just gonna thank the gentleman for the Brandy. Oh, you're quite welcome. I'm brigadier smalls. And this is my associate, Mr. Babcock. And may I introduce you to adalyne dunfries. Valentine Casey is your name, am I correct? Yeah, that's correct. Miss dunfries, it's a pleasure to meet you. Gentlemen, this is my partner, U.S. Christmas. Mr. smalls and Mr. Babcock, yes, and miss dunfries. How do you do? Howdy. I saw on your trunk Montreal. I thought you must be traveling from Canada. Yes. Yes, I was in Canada. My daughter's just returned from Canada and doesn't seem to approve of our cordial consumption of libation, chief. What was that like? What? Uh, Canada. I'm sorry. I've just never known anybody that came down from Canada. I'm curious. Well, it was pleasurable, invigorating, inspirational. The people there are very civilized. Oh, dear, we may not be civilized enough for my daughter's taste, chief. Was it, uh, cold? Oh, I--I-- Oh, I--I-- I don't know, I--I-- I was there doing a play and I didn't go out in the daytime. In the evening, they sent a coach to take me to the theater, so-- Whoa, the theater! The theater. Well, now, we're gonna have to be on our best behavior and try and be civilized, chief. Otherwise, she might leave me again, and I don't think I could stand that. I may not survive the way I done when she left me that last time. Did you have a chance to look out. Did you have a chance to look out your hotel window? W-why? Well, were the people outside wearing coats like it was cold? Yes. Yes, they were wearing coats. Yes, it is-- It's very cold in Canada in the winter. But it's very beautiful if you're in love. Now, burl. Oh. Oh, I did survive, though, didn't I? You know I did, chief. You know I did, chief. I done just fine without her. Settle down. Did you come back to hurt me some more? Burl, stop it. You're scaring Maggie. She come back to haunt me is what she done. She's a damn ghost. Well, she ain't gonna haunt me! No, she ain't gonna torment me! No, not no damn ghost! Uh-uh... Go on, get the hell away from me, damn ghost! Put that goddamn sword down! Go on, you damn ghost! Go on, you damn ghost! Put that goddamn-- Oh! Oh, God. Oh, it's adalyne! No... Daddy, you've got to stop. You've got to calm down. It's not mama, it's me. It's addy! Grab him. Come on. Come on, damn it. Shh... Edgar, would you please tell doc that I've taken Maggie up to stay with me tonight. Sí. You all came back for the little girl? Well, miss dunfries did. Mr. Babcock and I escorted her. She intends to take her with her? Indeed. I believe that's what she'll do. Her journey brought her back here for that reason. The child's father doesn't seem willing to allow it. The child's father doesn't seem willing to allow it. Well, her Uncle Angus is lost on his own path. Adalyne's tribulations rose like sea billows and crashed into her heart. She fell loose from this life and slid across to the other side. But her time was not now, and she was led back... And lovingly compelled by her soul's divine conscience to complete this earthly passage. To complete this earthly passage. How long was it? She was gone, I mean? Unlike you and I, she retains her sense of smell. Excuse me? My olfactory recall is limited to... Axle grease from the wheels of a train... Leather seats in a Pullman car... And tonic on the hair of porters. And tonic on the hair of porters. Hair tonic? Well, these were the objects that I was in the closest proximity to at the time of my mortal demise. I believe that you and I share in common this olfactorous malady. Well, if you gentlemen will excuse us... Babcock and I have had a long and exhausting journey. So, we'll bid you good night and retire to our rooms. And retire to our rooms. Good night. Now, he's an odd bird. Yeah. Good morning, Mr. Casey. Good morning, miss dunfries. How are you? I'm fine, thank you. I'm fine, thank you. Is the little girl all right? Margaret. Yes, she's doing much better this morning. You had a restful sleep? Not altogether, but thank you for asking. She seems very fond of you. You're wanting to take her with you? Yes, to the Berkeley school for the deaf and the blind. It's near San Francisco. Well, I hope her father allows you to. Well, it seems Uncle Angus had a change of heart during the night. We spoke this morning, during the night. We spoke this morning, and he's agreed to let me take her. Well, if there's any hope for her salvation, it would appear to be you. I'm not much of a savior, but I love her, and I'm gonna try to give her a life that means something. I think you can probably save her just fine. Well, I wish you the best. Have a good day. Thank you. Was no risk at any time of men on the stairway of that sweet little balloon because I practice 3 to 6 hours every day. I have honed my skills. I will use this third tomahawk and take it and throw it in between the first 2 tomahawks and burst that little balloon. Now if you'll looky here, well, there's not much room left between these first 2 tomahawks, barely 2 fingers, but with my skill I can do it but with my skill I can do it from 10--no, let's make that 13 paces just for luck. Some folks says 13's a unlucky number, but I say no. That's a lucky number for jesco lynch, the tomahawk hatchet thrower, the legend of all the great plains and the Indian territories. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce... Valentine Casey. Mr. Casey, allow me to buy you breakfast. How ya doin', bill? Just great. Val, gettin' that cable last month was like hearin' a voice from the grave. Was like hearin' a voice from the grave. Luke, this indeed is the gallant lieutenant Casey. Or what's left of him. How you doin'? Fine, thank you. Honey, show the clipping's out the Tulsa newspaper to Mr. guthries here. After you get finished here, do you mind takin' those horses down and let him look at 'em? Sure. Thank you, Mr. lynch. At 13 paces, I call my throw to take this tomahawk hatchet and put it in the middle and burst that little balloon. Well, not bad for an old bushwhacker. Well, mister, if you're ready, I reckon we can go move them horses now. All right. That's fine, and, bill, I thank you for the breakfast and I'll see you back at camp. And I'll see you back at camp. You're welcome, Luke. See you down there in a while. Your friend has a strange sense of fashion. Yeah, he's kinda sentimental about the dress. How's that? Well, his family used to work coolie camps, and when he was about, I don't know, 3 or 4 years old, I guess, there was this renegade band of mescalero apaches that broke off the reservation. They started raiding' camps. And one afternoon they raided his family's camp... And his mother was quick enough thinkin' that she put him in a little girl's dress, that she put him in a little girl's dress, and they kidnapped him along with the rest of the women, and he stayed alive that way long enough for an army detail to catch up with 'em and rescue 'em. Well, that might could make a man have a fondness for wearing' dresses. Yeah, I guess. He's not too much stranger than the rest of 'em out here, though. Is this fella an Indian? I have no idea. No, that's probably enough. Are these calientes? Son muy picosos. Do you have a sack, a tote? Yes, yes. ¿Sophia, donde está LA bolsa? Sí, LA bolsa. Oh, yeah, that's good. That'd be great. Good morning, Sophia. Good morning, Edgar. Good morning, Sophia. Good morning, Edgar. Buenos días, señorita. That's good. I'll come out there and get that other thing in a minute. Mr. Casey. I understand you're a friend of major guthries'. Yeah, bill and I are friends, but please call me val, miss dunfries. Oh, then, I'd like it if you'd call me adalyne, val. And if it wouldn't be an imposition, could you introduce me to Mr. guthries so that I might pay him to take Margaret and me on the spur train to where it joins the mainline? It's not an imposition. It's not an imposition. You're not traveling with brigadier smalls and Mr. Babcock any longer? No. No, they're gone now. They left earlier this morning, so I guess I'm gonna have to do that saving on my own. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. No, I know you didn't. When you're finished with breakfast there, I'll take you down to meet bill. Thank you. You're welcome... Edgar? Hey, bill. Hey, val. Margaret, you come on now. You're gonna have a little float in the balloon. I rode one once. Montreal. Montreal. Uh-huh. Was it cold? I don't recall. I was in love at the time. So you said last night. Miss dunfries, why don't you join Margaret for a little float in the balloon? Excuse me. Pretty wild rig. Yeah, it's a lot of fun, though. Where you headed after our finish our horse trading'? I've got some business with some folks I think are nearby. I suppose it couldn't wait. No, not really. I was thinking that a trip to California might be pleasurable for you. You could see the whole frontier show you could see the whole frontier show before we go on tour to South America and Europe. That'd be nice, but I just can't do it right now. Well, truthfully, I was surprised to hear from you. I think I was a bit confused about what happened to you after Cuba. Yeah. Cuba gets sorta foggy for me after I was shot. It was good down there until then. Most of it. You think? Seemed like. Gustoff! Gustoff, put it down. How did she get to know smalls? I'm not sure. I don't know. She came down from Canada with him. He and that other gentleman were having breakfast when I walked in. I don't think he ever remembered meeting me before. When I knew him he was a big railroad gambler. A couple of years ago, I heard he got killed a couple of years ago, I heard he got killed over a cheat he got caught in in cards. You ever been up in one of those things? They're magnificent. I don't know why, but you seem to care less about things, anything really, when you're up in one. Come on, Valentine. Let me have gustoff show you how to float one of those balloons. You fellas got hold of this? Hang on now. Oh... Hey. Hey, how ya doin'? Mr. Casey, you fellas did a real fine job breaking' these horses. I reckon we're gonna take 'em all. U.S. and me, we been hagglin' and fussin' over prices. U.S. and me, we been hagglin' and fussin' over prices. And we finally came up with $50 around for those saddle horses and 25 for the broncs. That'll be OK, Luke. We'll take the price. How far you plannin' on goin' in that thang? Not very. Begins now. Hey, hold it pardner. What--where you goin'? Hey, now. Hold up there! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hang on! What are you--how-- Wait a minute. I ain't got the hang of this. Hang on there! Hey, hold on now! How hard do I pull this? How hard do I pull this? Hey! Whoa! Whoa-whoa! Whoa! Wh-what? ! Hey, that's enough! That--that's enough. Stop right there. Hey, bill. Bill, how long's that rope? Yeah, I wouldn't, uh-- That's probably enough. Use your megaphone to tell us how high you want to go. This is! No more! That's enough! You have about 50 feet out now. You have about 50 feet out now. We'll give you more. Could you--could you hand me that? Are you all right? Uh-huh, yeah. Bill, stop! Just stop right there! No, right there! Right there! Stop! That--that-- That's enough! Ok, we'll stop. Ooh. Are you sure you're OK? Uh, yeah. Uh, I mean-- I just--I think maybe if I just sit down here for a minute, I'll be OK. Wow, we're up here now, huh? Mm-hmm. Was your last balloon ride anything like this? Was your last balloon ride anything like this? Not exactly. Yeah. 'Cause it's beautiful when you're in love? It's beautiful here. Yeah. Well, if it--if it should ever come up when you took this balloon ride, it--it wasn't cold. When you took this balloon ride, it--it wasn't cold. I might have a hard time recalling. Well, I doubt that I'll remember too much about the weather... Probably just the things that were beautiful. You ever been to San Francisco, val? Is it cold there? Well, according to Samuel clemens, well, according to Samuel clemens, the coldest winter he ever spent was the summer he lived in San Francisco. I'm not too sure about balloon rides anymore. I'm sorry. And that poor tormented wretch down there and that poor tormented wretch down there thinks that I can save him... But he wouldn't let me even if I could. Yeah, I guess we all hope for someone to save us. I used to wish so bad that I could have saved my family, it made my side sore. They're gone? Yeah. Mmm. Yeah. Mmm. My mother... My father... My sister and little brother. Influenza killed 'em all. Me, I didn't even get sick. All anybody can do is try to save themselves, val, and most of us have forgotten how. And most of us have forgotten how. I'm pretty worthless as a savior, but I wish you'd come with us. I guess maybe I could buy a coat out in San Francisco, huh? Yes. Them dang chi chis is hot! Why don't you throw that out? Uh-uh. Too dang good! It's like swallowin' lit kerosene. Ahh! Chihuahua! It's like eatin' a mouth full of hot ashes. It's like eatin' a mouth full of hot ashes. You reckon-- You reckon-- You reckon Chinese food'd be hot? I suppose we'll be eatin' a lot of that out in San Francisco, huh? Yeah, probably. You cookin' somethin'? It smells like somethin's cookin'. Do you smell gunpowder? Yeah. That's all. Well, major, here's to a successful tour. Well, major, here's to a successful tour. Edgar? Edgar! Who told you to turn them goddamn lights out? ! Que? What? What? Where the hell are you? Right here! Ohh! Hey! Good evening, gentlemen. Whoa! Wha-- Whoa! Wha-- Sorry, arvid. I didn't mean for that cork to get that close to ya. Ouch. Then I allows to tell ya you shouldn't oughta done it. Pick that dang bottle up 'fore you spill any more liquor none of us won't be able to drink and wipe your damn front off with that rag. You look like you pissed yourself. Well, God! Shit, arvid. I said I'm sorry, goddamn you to hell. Goddamn you to hell. Arvid, where the hell is Taylor? Back in that old man's office, seein' to business. Hey, nogal. Where you goin'? Taylor didn't say for you to come in here. Hey, that woman and that little sick girl's up there. The hell he will. I seen her in that window. The hell he will. I seen her in that window. Can I help you with something? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. You can come over here and give somethin' to daddy. You can come over here and give somethin' to daddy. Yeah. Hey, 'gales, Taylor said you supposed to wait outside. Goddamn it, I already waited out there. I'm tired a-waitin' on you all. Harold, go down and tell Taylor that Nogales come inside, ain't nobody watching' the front. You damn bunch of inbred sons of bitches. You go tell that fuckin' Taylor that if he ain't got some goddamn money down there in the next 15 minutes, down there in the next 15 minutes, I'm gonna leave all your worthless asses. Now get the hell out of my way. Fuck the bunch of ya! That's $1.00 bottle of whiskey. I reckon Taylor'll pay for it when he come back. He's gettin' our money. You know, she ain't just your girlfriend, arvid. I seen her, too. She gets to be my girlfriend, too. I can just watch you be with her, arvid. Ohh, damn, arvid! You supposed to get me to lay with a woman. That's what your daddy said. He said I could help pick her out, too! Now, goddamn it, I picked that one! All right, Uncle jude. Ok, I'm gonna let you have her first. Harold, you can just sit there and watch. Harold, you can just sit there and watch. I want you to lay down with my Uncle jude here. I just bet you can make him feel real good. Then you and me, we gonna have us a poke. You can do it right here. Harold take that little split leg over there with you. Uh, arvid, I don't wanna mess with that little afflicted bitch. Goddamn it! Take her over there with you! Harold, go get that little bitch 'fore Taylor sees her! Come on, Uncle jude. Get them pants down! Aah! Daddy, they're after Margaret! Ahh! Harold! Bring me them damn bank sacks! What the hell is goin' on out there? ! Can't get my button undone. Can't get my button undone. Wait a second. You dirty piece a-- Well, I can't get to her through you. Move your arm, arvid! God! Ohh! You bitch! Ow! Ow! Goddamn it, Harold! Why the hell am I waiting' on you? Aah! Aah! Oh, you bitch! You fuckin' bitch! You--you cut off my fuckin' nuts! Help me! Aah! Come back, sheba bitch! I'm gonna hurt you hard! Damn it! Lookit what you done to me! No! Aah! Aah! God almighty, Taylor! You damn near shot me. Aah, you damn sure did! Oh, my God! I can't hear! Oh, my God almighty, Taylor! You struck me deaf! Go get the sacks. You all are worthless. I never seen anything as worthless. You can't even rob a goddamn old man and his daughter without pissing' yourselves. And his daughter without pissing' yourselves. Now I want you to listen... With that good ear. Do what I'm sayin' to ya. I want you and that addle-brained Uncle of ours to get on a pair of horses and go, and if Harold and I catch up with you two before y'all reach spits, I'll shoot you myself. You understand, arvid? Where is he? He's upstairs all cut up. I don't think he can ride. Cut up how? That bitch, she burned me! She like to nearly cut his nuts off, I think! Then you and Harvey get a horse and tie Uncle jude to it and tell Nogales to find that tooth-pullin' blacksmith so we can bring him with us back down to spits so he can sew that old bastard back together. Now can you do that, arvid? Of course! I mean, yeah! Let's go, Harold. Let's go, Harold. Hey, Harvey! Harvey! Mmm. Good mornin', doc. Grab your boots. Hey, Mr. blacksmith. Hey, Mr. blacksmith. Look what we found out in the kitchen hiding' in the stove. Oh, you son of a bitch! Goddamn it! Goddamn! What the hell's goin' on? Where's addy? Well, I shot her... What? In there, behind the desk. And now I think I'm gonna shoot her... Oh, Jesus. Unless you do what I say. Oh, yeah, I will. Yeah? Oh, yeah, I will. Yeah? I'll do anything you say. - That's good. - Yeah. I want you to go with my burnt up brother arvid here on over to spits and see what you can do about sewing that other one's manhood back together. I'll finish up here, and I'll come down there, and if everything looks all right, then you can come back here, and Nogales and these boys will let your little girl go. But in the meantime, we'll see to it but in the meantime, we'll see to it that she doesn't run off and go hide in any stoves. Please don't do that. Connie, come over here and wet nurse this little bitch. Arvid, take the money, put doc on a horse. Get goin'. Come on! I'll see y'all in spits. I'll see y'all in spits. Come on, Harold. Leave that bastard to bleed. Let's go. Let's go. Hey, I don't like you... 'Cause I don't like Indians. Come on. Hey, Connie, me, Tim, and Paul is gonna go on down to Josie's place. You wait here about 10 minutes... Then kill her and come on. Hey, mister. Touch this. Ho! Ho! Ho! Edgar, what went on here? They shoot and they kill everybody. Addy? Is she all right? Probably not... But she'll be better but she'll be better the sooner I get her away from here. Are you all right? Probably not, but I won't die from this. Where's Angus? They made him go with 'em to tend to the one that was cut up. Shoshone? They shot him, but he'll live. He's on the train. He needs treatment soon, so we're leaving he needs treatment soon, so we're leaving as quick as we can bury daddy. Are you coming? Who did this? It doesn't matter. I saw Luke. He paid us for them horses. They're loading' 'em as we speak. He get caught up in this? No. Time he heard of it, it was all over with... No. Time he heard of it, it was all over with... But I know who did it, though. Who? Nogales kid and some of them damn Henrys. Part of 'em took the blacksmith and that, uh, one that was cut up real bad and took him off to spits to tend to him. You get the rest of those horses down to Luke and let's go. All right. That won't save anyone. I know you can't wait, but I'm gonna finish this... Then I'm comin' to San Francisco. Vengeance won't give you back what you lost. This isn't vengeance. It's justice. I'm gonna bring 'em back to stand trial for what they did here and Los tragos. You're right. I can't wait. I've gotta go. Ow! What's that on your face? Axel grease. It keeps the sting off. Where's Uncle jude? Inside. That Smith's doctoring' on him. Why don't you stay here and see to it that Uncle jude gets sewed up. I'm gonna drop back across the border and catch some cattle that guthries has coming' up here. Harvey, you come with me. We'll meet y'all back at daddy's. Hey, Taylor, hey, Taylor, can't I watch a minute him getting sewed on? Get on the horse. Hey, that weren't empty. Hey, that weren't empty. What? That's OK. Aaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Oh, shut up! Good lord! My, my grandfather had one loin, my, my grandfather had one loin, and he had one sewed up in the war, and he sired 7 children. Goddamn it, count 'em... 7. Quit moving' so damn much or I'm gonna get your other ball. No! Mommy! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Unh! Damn! No! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Shh! I want you to hear this. T-Taylor and arvid done it. They done all of it. I ain't done nothin'. Where are they, jude? Where are they, jude? They went down to leland's place. Where's leland? Leland's in Mexico. Get him on a wagon and let's go. Come on! No! Come on, goddamn it! The pain's too much to move me! Come on! Hey, val! Looky yonder! What'cha reckon? Well, it's the marshal and his whore. Buenas días, amigos. Y'all know assaulting a U.S. marshal is a federal offense. Probably hang ya. Yeah, but he ain't no marshal no more. Are you? Nah. He gave that up after we rode through Los tragos. After we rode through Los tragos. No. Uh-uh. He's been reassigned to temporary duty. Yeah, and what the hell kind of duty might that be? Trackin' y'all down and killin' ya. I'm deferring the execution of that order to my deputy here. Corbett, show him your badge before you shoot him. Corbett. Who's corbett? Why, hell fire. Looky here, amigos. Looky here, amigos. Old corbett there is all badged up. I showed them the badge, marshal! Thought I didn't see ya! They're not back down there yet. It looks like it's leland and a couple vaqueros. I'm gonna go on in. If I'm not back here by tomorrow morning... You ride down there and kill 'em all. You ride down there and kill 'em all. My pleasure. See ya. ¡Alto! No haga eso! Cómo esta, Valentine? Not very well, leland. The prodigal son returns. Luke 15, verses 11-32. Or should I say, "Lazarus this day raiseth from the dead"? "Lazarus this day raiseth from the dead"? I don't know, leland. I reckon it could be a little bit of both. It's a peculiar way to state it, especially concerning the information I've just been reading from a satchel delivered to me from the war department by the gentleman out there that's, uh, about to perform self-dentistry. Agent fishburn otts! This is lieutenant Casey this is lieutenant Casey in question throughout the documents. Val, agent otts. I've come to arrest you, leland. Take you back to stand trial for Los tragos. Taylor and the boys are gonna face trial for Los tragos and what went on in dunfries yesterday. Sissy! Bring me those papers! Sissy! Bring me those papers about val! Sissy! Bring me those papers about val! I'm bringing 'em. Sissy! Sissy! I can't reach this. Hand it to me! What the hell is wrong with you? I'm tryin' to fix my face right, daddy. I guess, uh, sissy's a little excited that you're here, Valentine. See that fellow over there with the tooth problem, val? He's a government man. He's had trouble with that tooth ever since he came to us, ever since he came to us, so, uh, I had Alejandro and the boys teach him how to take care of that problem the Indian way. Ain't that right, agent otts? Mr. Henry, since Mr. Casey has arrived, perhaps I can be on my way now and seek out a proper dentist upon my arrival at Tucson. I--I really don't think that anything this extreme is necessary. The tooth feels immeasurably better now. And--and you mentioned that I might be able and--and you mentioned that I might be able to get my wedding ring back. I would appreciate that. But feel free to keep the crucifix as a token of my appreciation for your graceful hospitality. No, I think we better take care of that tooth problem. A thing like that can turn on ya and just give you fits. Nogales come across him when old Sidney had to stay in a lockup up across the border. How are your arms holding out, agent otts? How are your arms holding out, agent otts? It appears to me you may be near the end of your agony. The odd thing is he was looking for Valentine Casey's next of kin. So Sidney thought he'd be his personal escort and give him safe conduct through this, uh, hostile territory surrounding us so that he could bring us these urgent documents. Now... It says here in this letter in these documents that you were mortally wounded. I guess that means you were killed, val. In the course of an action when your company was ambushed near the town of Santiago de Cuba. You ever been to Santiago de Cuba, val? Yeah, near there. My God, boy. You look like a ghost just brushed up against you. See this, val? A U.S. stamp right on it. It's official. "To the next of kin of lieutenant Valentine Casey, "and to whom else it may concern, "let it be known that second lieutenant Valentine Casey "died under conditions of valor "in the course of hostile action "near Santiago de Cuba on or about the first July, 1898. "Lieutenant Casey was posthumously promoted "to the rank of first lieutenant u.S.R.A. "To the rank of first lieutenant u.S.R.A. "And decorated for acts of bravery. "Now, please accept my condolences "and deepest sympathies on behalf "of the United States government and its citizens "for this monumental loss of your loved one. "The remains of lieutenant Casey held from October 12, 1898, "U.S. army headquarters morgue, uh, fort meyers Virginia, "shall be remanded and/or interned as per your wishes. "Shall be remanded and/or interned as per your wishes. "We respectfully await further instructions. Russell Alexander alger, United States secretary of war." It's official. You can see it. Fact of business, it's downright queer. Aaaah! Aaah! It appears your war department friend's been relieved of a tooth, leland. Been relieved of a tooth, leland. How are you, Mr. otts? Ohh! You must be feeling enormous relief, agent otts. Don't speak to me now. No need to thank me. We can talk later... Over supper. Aaah! Reckon we oughta feed him? I don't think I could stomach watching that son of a bitch eat. All right, I'll wait until you go to sleep, then. There's a lot of good people out there. But not many. You want some more beans? You think little Margaret is OK on that train with 'em, uh, guthries? Mm-hmm. Yeah. They was fine except adalyne was kinda shot up real bad. Was kinda shot up real bad. Uh, well, not that bad. She just sorta was. The way I had to come up when I was a kid just... Took the desire out of my heart to ever have a little child. And she was... Born deaf, 'cause Satan made her that way. Born deaf, 'cause Satan made her that way. I--I know that's what it is, 'cause see, I'm not supposed to ever have anything I like. I'm not just supposed to. And... And I... I look at her sometime-- I look at her sometimes and, uh... I love her so much. I love her so much and I know I shouldn't. I know I can't, I know I won't, I know I... I know I can't, I know I won't, I know I... I just can't do it. And--and then... That's why she be born deaf. And then I had these mangled ideas. I... I was gonna choke her. And then--and then I had that vision and then--and then I had that vision and I... I talked to Jesus. And he... He laid my hand to those bellows... And we worked the bellows together. He and I. And, and we, we worked 'em and we worked 'em and we worked 'em and we worked 'em and we worked 'em and we worked 'em and we worked 'em and we worked 'em and we worked 'em and worked 'em and worked 'em until the hellfire burned Satan right out of me, ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! What? Hey! Whoa! Aah! Shit! Arvid! Harvey! Come on back here and let those bastards bleed to death! And let those bastards bleed to death! Evenin', Uncle jude. Unh. Arvid, Harvey! Goddamn it, come back here! I have to tell ya, val. A whole range of emotion rushed over me when I read that letter in those papers. I was distraught for awhile but then, God help me, I was overwhelmed by pride in you, boy. At the thought of what you must have carried yourself like down there in Cuba. And the papers must have been mistaken because here you are. Are you not? Val, I was so scared when that damned old government man brought them papers that told us you was dead. I hope your rotten old tooth still hurts! Sissy, mind yourself. Stop it! Sissy, stop it! Valentine doesn't need to see you behaving in this manner. Besides, I have things to talk about much more important than this love-sick cow eyeing of yours. Now, agent otts was just doing his job for the government. He was a courier of some mixed up information. Now we're aware of that, and it's all straight. Just like val, here. He took on the weight of a marshal's badge. Now he's come here with an enormous burden because of that weight. But it's mixed up, too because of that weight. But it's mixed up, too because he just doesn't realize that his obligation to see justice done can be overlooked and forgiven to us because we're his family. The same rules of honor don't apply to family as they do to the others out there in this pagan world. Now, I hope you can open your heart to this simple truth, Valentine. They shot three people and killed two of 'em in dunfries yesterday, leland. In dunfries yesterday, leland. Oh, that's just temperance. Temperance and restraint at all times, val. But alas, my boys have fallen short once again. I've come for you and the boys, leland. I thought you'd retired from marshalin'. Leland! Val's killed one of the twins! Leland! He killed Harold! Good evening, marshal. If y'all ain't killed him yet, I wanna be the one to do it. What in hell happened to you? What in hell happened to you? He got his balls tore nearly clean off by some woman him and arvid tried to have. Well, him I can forgive on the basis of pure "d" stupid. But you? You oughta have enough of this took to your back to lay a lick of sense into that carnal-consumed maggot mind. Taylor, what the hell happened? All you were supposed to be doin' was scouting over at the Wells. Where were ya? I took 'em. We ran on something I had going over in dunfries. We ran on something I had going over in dunfries. What something you had going on over in dunfries? Since when have you had something going on anywhere without telling me first? And that's why val's had to come down here, looking for you and your worm rot brain brothers. I don't reckon you can turn your nose up too high to found money anymore... Can you, daddy? As far as val... I don't really concern myself I don't really concern myself one way or the other with whatever the hell he has to do. Well, you'd best concern yourself with what I have to do because of you, boy. Now I have to con him from wanting to take us to jail and see through some kind of trial. Let me see if I'm clear on this. You want me, daddy, and everybody to go back up there and stand trial to go back up there and stand trial and be hung, right? Now, that don't sound like much of a decision to me, val. You're either comin' or goin', Taylor. I don't really care which anymore. You choose. Val! Get away from there, sissy, goddamn it, or I'll shoot the-- Ow! Damn it! Harvey, you put that pistol down or I'm gonna come across there and shoot you with every goddamn gun in this room, 'cause I'm having to think real hard right now about why the hell I need the useless half of a worthless set of twins. None of ya are killing anybody. I still decide who dies around here and who don't. And who don't. Now, you two get up off the damn floor and take Valentine out to the barn and tie him up. Hey, daddy. You all heard daddy. Take Valentine out to the barn take Valentine out to the barn and tie him up. Now, goddamn it! Daddy? Daddy, daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy! "Lord, hear thee in the day of trouble. "Lord, hear thee in the day of trouble. The name of the God of Jacob defend thee." "Send thee help from the sanctuary "and strengthen thee out of zion. "Remember all thy offering's "and accept thy burnt sacrifice, "salah. "Some trust in chariots "and some in horses, "but we will remember the name "of the lord, our God. "My God, my God, "my God, my God, "why hast thou forsaken me? "Why art thou so far from helping' me? Hear the words of my..." You looked like you's thirsty. Sissy, you gotta-- You gotta untie me, honey. Do you love me, Valentine? Do you love me, Valentine? What? Do you love me, Valentine? I've always had love for you, sissy. Untie me, sweetie. What are you doin'? What are you doin', sissy? Well, I'm marrying' you. Oh, honey, that's not how you get married to somebody. I love you, Valentine. I need you to want me. I need you to want me. I know I ain't worth much. You're worth more than they ever let you believe. Just untie me, sweetie. You'll go off with my brothers. I wanna take 'em back to stand trial, sissy. Then I'll come back here and help you after I straighten things out. You're gonna come back? Yeah. Hey, sissy! What the hell are you doin' over there? You get up off him, sissy, so I can kill him, you damn whore. Get off of him! You shut up! We're gettin' married. You can't get married, sissy. If that's all there was to it, you'd already be married to arvid. Now get out of the way, or I'm gonna blow your ass off, too. Goddamn you, you get out of the way. Ow! Goddamn. Goddamn you! I told you to get out of the way. Arvid, go see what that was. Then bring Valentine back out here so I can kill him. Bury him in that pit with daddy, where he belongs. Uncle jude, yelling: In here! Arvid! You heard me tell her! Sissy? Hey, sissy? Ow! Sissy? Hey, sissy? Hey, sissy. Sissy, honey? Honey? Taylor! Taylor! Hey, honey. Hey, honey. I'll kill you, you little son of a bitch! Goddamn. Come here! Sissy, sissy, come here. Come here. Sissy? Sissy, sissy. Arvid, she was in the barn letting' Valentine loose. No, wait up, arvid. I seen that little bitch do it, too. She let him loose, so I shot her. Ha ha! I shot that little bitch good. Whoo! Doc! Aah! Doc! Whoa! Doc! Doc! Wha--whoa! Go! Doc, run! Ho, ho, ho! Blind! Ho ho! My eyes! My eyes! My eyes! My eyes! I'm blind! I'm blind! Run, doc! I'm blind! Can you run? I can't see. Ho! Goddamn it, Taylor, you blew up Uncle jude. Well, shit, goddamn it, I saw it. Come on. Hurry. Unh! Shit! Uhh. Harvey, get that son of a bitch off our wagon Harvey, get that son of a bitch off our wagon and bring that gun back here. Now, goddamn it! Aw, shit. Harvey. Harvey! Take the goddamn dynamite and go help arvid. Take the goddamn dynamite and go help arvid. I can't, Taylor, I--I can't. Now, goddamn it, or I'll shoot you where you stand. Blind! Oooh. Ow, I'm shot! Ow, I'm shot! Hey, Taylor. Hey, Taylor. Yeah? What was that that blowed up? Harvey, goddamn it. Harvey. Shit! Throw me that belt, there. Ah... Ah... I can't see. Ho, ho-- Val! Ho, ho, val! Ho, ho, goddamn it, ho! Val, where are ya? Val? ! Ho, ho, ho! Goddamn it. Ho! Come on, you son of a bitch! Aah. Ah! Oh. Valentine! Yeah? You still want to arrest me and take me back down there to stand trial, don't you? That's why I came down here, Taylor. Daddy would have been real proud of you, val. You know that even through all this emotional turmoil and bloodshed, you maintained your sense of purpose. Well, Taylor, I guess if you just throw your guns down and come on out here, we'll ride back up to Los tragos and see if we can put a jury together. That's a real comfort, val. I sure wouldn't want to go back up there and stand trial without ya. Oh, I surely wouldn't. Oh, I surely wouldn't. You know an odd thing, val? That government man with the letter about you bein' dead? That's downright queer. What do you make of that, val? I don't know if I'm certain of my existence, Taylor. Only my intentions. Can you make it out here? I don't know if I can. I mean, I want to, but I'm hurt awful bad. It's kinda hard for me just to let things go. It's all right, Taylor. Ah... I'll just come on in there and get ya. I truly admire your sense of duty, marshal. Come here, Taylor! Goddamn it! Damn it, val, get the hell off me. I figured you to be dead, soldier. Death has been all around me, but it's yet to take a hold of me. Well, let's see if we're able to walk among the living. We'll probably be havin' to eat it in San Francisco, huh? Chinese food. Yeah, I guess. Son of a gun. You know something? You're kind of an odd bird. ("Wishing On A Star" by Miriam Stockley) ♪ I'm wishing ♪ On a star ♪ To follow where you ♪ Are ♪ I'm wishing ♪ On a dream ♪ To follow what it ♪ Means ♪ And I'll wish on all the ♪ Rainbows ♪ That I see ♪ I wish on all the people ♪ Who ♪ Really dream ♪ I'm wishing on a ♪ Star ♪ To follow ♪ Where you are ♪ - Dear All, you must be wondering where I have been these last few days. I have been laid low with a sprained ankle, and I'm staying in the Royal Hunting Lodge in the Disenchanted Forest. Do carry on with the coronation plans, and rest assured I will be back in plenty of time for the big day. Lots of love, Prince Wendell. - Thank goodness for that. - That explains it. - That explains nothing. Why has the prince made no reference to the Troll King crisis? - Well, perhaps he hasn't heard about it. A twisted ankle can be excruciating. - The Troll King has challenged Wendell to face him in combat. Meanwhile, he's been killing 4th Kingdom citizens, and nothing is being done about it. - We need a plan. - We have a plan. My seating plan. The ceremony is barely three weeks away. I need the prince for a fitting, and I need people to at least commit to a basic color scheme. - I'm worried about Wendell. I shall go to the hunting lodge by the fastest steed in the kingdom, and tell him of the Troll King's challenge. - Jolly good idea. - One further thing, the Queen is still at large. She has spies everywhere. Nothing that is said here must go beyond this room. Agreed? - Agreed. We must consider military options. Otherwise, we will be perceived as being spineless in Wendell's absence. - Would it help to calm people if we-- - Summon my Huntsman. Oh, we have problems. (horns solemnly blaring) Wendell's council doesn't believe my letter. They have sent a man to Wendell's hunting lodge. He must not return. - It will be done. - Yeah, if you were kidnapped it would've been all right, but, Virginia. Oh, have I lost my one true love? - Oh, please. Stop it with the one true love, all right? You're some grubby ex-con. You've been nothin' but trouble since we met you. - Don't talk to me like that! I'll bite you in a minute! - You wanna dance with me? Because I've had just about enough. All right? - Sh, sh, sh. Listen. (something whizzes by very fast) - Halt. Who approaches? - Forgive us, noble Woodsman, but have you seen a gorgeous girl with very long hair? - I haven't seen anything. I'm blind. - A blind Woodsman? - Have you ever seen a tree move? - Tony? - What? - Look at his ax? Is that ax, by any remote chance, the Magic Ax that cuts through anything? - Could be. - Oh! How much do you want for it? - Yeah, how much? - Oh, you can have my magic ax, if you can guess my name. But your friend must kneel by this block, and if you haven't found my name out by the time I've chopped all these logs into firewood, I will have his head. - What is it with you people? What kind of twisted upbringing did you have? You know why can't you just say, Oh, that'll be a hundred gold coins? Why does it always have to be, No, not unless you lay a magic egg, or count the hairs on a giant's ass? - Do you want the ax, or don't you? - Oh, let's just carry on looking for Virginia. - Oh! - What? - I know this. - [Wolf] No. - It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. We accept. - Oh no, don't accept on my behalf - No, no, it's fine. - No-- - It's okay, it's okay. I swear. It's okay. - Very well, lay your head on the block while your friend guesses. - Just for Virginia. - Yes, I got it, don't worry. - Okay. Oh! - Just to make you secure. - I know this. Don't worry about it at all. All right, Mr. ave-To-Look-But-I-Can-Chop-Wood, your name is Rumpelstiltskin. - No. - Oh, whoa. - I said, Rumpelstiltskin. - That's not is name. - Guess again. - Oh, Rumpelstiltskin Jr. Rumpelstiltskin the 4th. - No. - Does it have a Rumpel in it? - Please let me go. I'm not involved in this. I-- - Where's the dog? - I don't know what you're talking about. - Don't make me ask again. - I think he's dead. - I think you're lying. And you're not lying. Is he hurt? You were dragging something on wheels, yet the tracks were too deep for the weight of just a dog. What about the others? Will they come looking for you? - They don't give a damn about me. - So they will come. Will they have any weapons? - Yes. - No weapons. - Uh, Tom? Uh, Dick, uh, Van Dyke? - Cold. - Uh, oh, oh, Elvis? - Elvis. - Frankie? John? Paul? George? Ringo? - Ringo! - Colder. Way off. - Well, come on, look, look, look, just give me a clue. - Yeah, give him a clue. - What kind of fun could it be just to kill him? - Yeah. - Quite a lot of fun, actually. In fact, you could say that is the reason for my existence. (dramatic instrumental music) - Sit. I was born here in this forest. When I first saw the Queen, I was still a forester. She came to my village. She stopped her hunting party to water the horses, then she called me forward. She showed me this. She said, "When this crossbow is fired, "the bold will not stop until it hits the heart "of a living being. It cannot miss." So, I said, "What must I do "to win this magic crossbow?" And she said, "Just close your eyes, "fire wherever you wish, and it will be yours." So, I did. The bolt the bow like gossamer, and sped a mile through the trees, then killed a child who was playing. I remember the Queen's face as I pulled the bolt from my son's heart. And she said, "You will be my Huntsman." So, you understand the hunt is my purpose and only pleasure. I have no interest in mercy. - No! Well, how do we know you're not lying about your name? - Hey, that's right. - [Wolf] Yeah. - I could have said it already. - You haven't guessed my name, not by a long way. - Long way. - My name is in my hat. I may be blind, but my hearing is excellent. Move any closer and I chop your friend's head off. - You're a sick pervert, huh? - [Wolf] Sick pervert. - You've done this before, haven't you? - Hundreds of times. - And, uh, approximately what was the percentage of correct guesses? - No one has ever guessed. - Ow! (dramatic instrumental music) Your Majesty, are you there? Hello? Is anyone there? (suspenseful instrumental music) Prince Wendell? - Who is this Queen? How can you serve someone that made you kill your own son? - It was my destiny to kill my son. It was her destiny to ask me. - You're crazy. Everybody in this whole place is crazy! - Whatever is meant to happen will happen, no matter what we do. It is my destiny to kill you now. (dramatic, sinister instrumental music) (whimpers) Who are you? - I'm nobody, I swear I'm nobody. - I will kill you. (tinkling from bell) I have a little business to attend to. We will continue our discussion later. - The Mad Axman? (growls) - I told you, you'd never guess. (chirping from bird) - Uh, um, uh, uh, wait, uh, um. Your name, it's forming in my mind. Um, uh, just a second. It's coming, it's coming. - Too late. (bird chirps) Now, I will have your friend's head. - Just a minute! Juliet! (dramatic instrumental music) (grunts) (loud orchestral horns playing) (music grows softer) (breathing heavily and grunting) (cries out painfully) - Hi. - Because you helped us, we will help you again, but this really has to be the last time. You're such a lot of trouble. - Okay. Please go and find my father and Wolf, and tell them where I am. Tell them to come get me. - Bye. - Uh, who'd have thought it? Juliet the Axman. - Yeah, well, you know what? Is it any wonder he turned into a sick sadist. - I know. - Psst! You down there. - It's another one of those birds. - [Bird] I know where Virginia is. - Oh! Okay! - [Tony] Where? - She's in a tree that is not a tree, in a place that is not a place. - Ah, ah, ho-ho-hold, can we just stop with the rhyming crap? Take us there! - Oh, oh, oh! - Come on! Move! - [Bird] She's inside this tree. Bye. - [Tony] Wait a minute, inside a tree? How can she be inside a tree? - [Wolf] Virginia! Virginia, are you up there? - Wolf! Wolf! - Oh, it's her, it's her. - Urn, how do we get in? - There's a door. - Uh, all right, a door? Where? I don't see a door. I don't see a door. There's no door. There's definitely no door. - Oh, if he's concealed it with magic it could take weeks to open. - Just, um, why can't you just come down and let us in from the inside? - Well, he's chained me up. I can't. Can't you climb up the tree? - Well there's no foot holds. - Well get a ladder or something. - Where am I gonna get a ladder? Hold one second, if this is a magic ax maybe I can-- - Oh! - chop the tree down. - Virginia, can I ask you a question? - [Virginia] What? - How long is your hair now? - Uh, it's, uh, longer than ever. It's, uh, no. No. - That's a great idea. - No! - I've always wanted to say this. Love of my life, let down your lustrous locks! (struggles and grunts) - Look out below! Close your eyes. - Wh-wh-what is it? - Dandruff! - I do not have, oww! - Oh, some people can't take a joke. (struggles and grunts) Oh, what a moment in my life. My second opportunity to save you. My story will be immortalized in song, there's no question of that. Ah, I found another gray one! - Ugh. (grunts loudly) - Tada! (sinister instrumental music) - [Virginia] Ow! - Be careful you don't trip over your hair. - No kidding. - Stay back, Virginia. Stay back! - Virginia! Virginia! (struggles and grunts) (grunts loudly in pain) - [Wolf] Get the ax! - Dad, give me the ax! - [Wolf] Chop his head off! Stick it in his back! Anything! Do it! - Okay! - Agh! - Sorry! - Agh! - [Tony] Could somebody move this door? My arm is squashed! - [Virginia] Oh, Dad! - Virginia, are you all right? - Yes. - What is this place? - It's a bad place, let's go. - [Tony] That's a good idea. - Well, wait, we can't just leave him like this. - You're right. Give me the ax. I'll do it. - Wait! We can't kill him! - Of course we can! He'd kill us! - That's not the point. He's helpless. - Exactly why we should kill him now! - Wolf, No! - Agh, he's gonna come after us! - I don't care. We're not killing him. - Ugh, you're gonna regret this moment. Come on. - [Tony] Ah, ha-ha-ha! Hey, boy, welcome back. Time for walkie. Oh, hey. How did the haircut go? - Well, uh, I think I might have overdone the ax trim a little. - What? I don't, What th-- - You just don't say a word! - Oh my. - What did? (screaming and yelling) - What do you want? - You are inviting trouble. - I'll tell you something, war is great fun when there's no enemy. - You're very stupid, even for a troll. Wendell's kingdom borders all the others, they will not let it fall without a fight. The other kingdoms will send in troops, and crush you! - Then I'll kill them all. I'm not scared of anybody. - Listen to me, I will give you everything you desire, but you must leave Beantown now! - Beantown's old news. We've got control of every village 20 miles from here, and it's not stopping there. I'm taking my half of the kingdom right now. Wanna make something of it? (laughs) - [Tony] I don't believe it. - That's Acorn's wagon. That's it! That's him! - [Tony] We're going home. Bring Prince! - [Virginia] Okay, you talk. - [Tony] Ah, Hi, Acorn. - [Virginia] Hi. - Remember me? - Anthony! You got out of prison. How, uh, unlikely. - Where's our mirror? - Mirror? - [Virginia] It belongs to us. - Was it valuable then? - Uh. - No, it's worthless. - You've come an awful long way to get back a worthless mirror. - It's a magic mirror. We traveled here through it, and we've been trapped in this world ever since. - Virginia, just-- - Look, all we want to do is go home. We won't take the mirror, okay? We'll just use it to go home, and then you can do whatever you want with it. - I'm moved by what you say. - Then please, let us go home. - But I don't have it anymore. I'm afraid I swapped it with someone in the village. Not half an hour ago. - Swapped it? Swapped it for what? (sheep baas softly) - [Voiceover] Wolf. Wolf. Wolf. Wolf. Do you think you can simply ignore me? - I've changed. I am no longer under your influence. You cannot touch me. - Oh, really? It's a full moon tonight. Your blood is already hot. You are a wolf. What will you do when the wild moon calls you? What will you do then to your new friends? (grunts as glass breaks loudly) - I don't think we should go into this village. - This is where Acorn said the mirror was. - A wolf goes by his instincts and I don't like it. I mean, this is farming land, and farmers don't like wolfies. Huff! Puff! No, siree! Why don't we stop for breakfast, and think about what to do? - You already had breakfast. - Well, then I want another breakfast! I mean, what are you my mother? You tell me when I can eat or not? Why don't you just draw up a list of things I can and can't do! - We're going into the village. End of discussion. You can do what you like. (growling noise) (light, happy whistle playing) Virginia, please forgive me. I didn't mean to be so rude. It's just that my cycle is coming on. You see, once a month, I get very irrational and angry and I just wanna pick a fight with anyone who comes near me. - That sounds familiar. - But I'll be perfectly, perfectly all right, if you just keep me away from temptation. - You know, I get like that too sometimes actually, but. - Oh! Look at those sheep. Trollops. Sheep out. Oh! (slow, wistful instrumental music) Mornin'. - Mornin'. My name's Sally Peep. I'm a shepherdess. - Oh, there's no question about that. - My, what very strong arms you've got. If my door wasn't locked, I'd be scared you'd come into my house, and huff and puff, and blow all my clothes off. (laughs) Mmm. - Where do you live, Sally? - Okay, let's go. (laughs) (whimsical instrumental music) (background chatter) - [Voiceover] Welcome one and all, to the second day of the Little Lamb Village Annual Competition. Well, it's a new day today, and a new competition. The best radish in the village. Mrs. Morris, these radishes are beautiful. I'll give 'em nine out of ten. But the Peeps' radishes. Well, they've done it again. They're out of this world. I've got to give them ten out of ten. (clapping and murmurs of approval) Come, Pete the grocer. Come up and get your 9th award today. Yes, yes, well. - The Peeps have done it again. They're just best at everything. - Ladies and Gentlemen, in an hour's time, I'll announce the winner of Best Cheese in the village. (clapping) - Excuse me, could you tell me who's in charge around here? - I am the village idiot, and I am in charge of the wishing well. - Do we have magnets in our pockets? How do we attract people like this? - I don't know. - It's a nice dog you got there. He reminds me of someone. (clapping and cheering) - [Tony] What's that for? - [Village Idiot] That's the village's present for Prince Wendell. It's to be his coronation cloak. - I hope he likes it. - Aren't you gonna make a wish then? It's very bad luck to pass without makin' a wish. - That's money we shouldn't be wasting. - Oh, you are so prim, but my wish will change all of that. (background chatter and animal noises) (coins whizzing down a very long distance) (clanks and clatters at the bottom) - It don't work. - Oh, uh. - It used to be a real magic wishing well, and folks they traveled from all over the kingdoms to have things blessed in it. It's all dried up now. It hasn't flowed for years. I have made it my life's work. - As fascinating as your story is, what we're actually looking for is a mirror about so big. Black. We were told that someone bought it off of Acorn the Dwarf. - Mm-hmm. I have made it my life's work to wait by this well until it fills up again. What do you think of that, eh? - It's no use. The man is a complete idiot. - If only. Now my father, he was a complete idiot. I'm still a half-wit. - Everywhere is full, what with the annual village competition, but you can stay here if you like. Might not be posh, like what you're used to. - It stinks. - (laughs) It's great. Thank you. By the way, do you know of anybody that's bought a mirror from a traveling trader recently? - No, ah, you'll wanna talk to the local judge. He bought a load of things off that dwarf. Prizes for the competition. You'll find him in the inn over the road. They do lovely food there, too. Well, that's the understatement of the year. - Thanks. - Oh! Aghhh. Oh! - What's wrong? Dah! Cramps. Oh, oh, I need to go to bed. I need to lie down immediately. Oh! Oh! I need a hot rabbit to stroke, to comfort me. A long-eared rabbit is best. Now! Now. Right now. - You know, you're running a terrible temperature. - Oh, they look so innocent, don't they? But they're not! They're provocative, teasing, little fluff balls. Ah, just look at her beady little eyes. She knows exactly what she's doing. Don't ya? - You just feel really hot. - Oh, stop fussing' over me! Your not my mother! Stop mothering and smothering and cubber-loving everybody, like a little dwarf housewife! Go out! Leave me alone! - Hey! What are you talkin' to my daughter like that for? All right? I'm not gonna take that kind- [Voiceover] Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! (screams and cheering) (whimsical flute playing) - I'll huff and puff. (cheering and chatter from the crowd) - Let's go see what that is. - You stay with me. (soft growling noises) (cheers and light, happy whistle playing) - Come on, come on, come on. That's the place for us. Oh, this potato. - Mm, did you try the squash? - It's absolutely incredible. - I know. - I can't, mm, Virginia look. Tomorrow's competition. - Oh my God, Dad look. The mirror is one of the prizes. Sheep and Shepherdess Competition. Hmm. - We've gotta talk to the judge. - I know. - There we are, my dears. - Uh-huh. is the-- - [Virginia] Oh, boy. - Judge about? - The judge'll be in first in here 8 o'clock on the dot. There's some more lovely vegetables for you. - Yeah, just keep it comin'. This is incredible. And this cider? I don't even like cider. I've had five pints. - That cider comes from young Colin Peep's apples. And the lamb was reared by my brother, Larry Peep. Everything you're eatin' comes from us Peeps. Best farming family in the all of the Nine Kingdoms, if I say it meself. - Well, you go right ahead and say it. What is your secret? - Oh, I suppose we're just good farmers. - Hah. Mm. Oh. - Start without me, why don't ya? Hi. Oh! - Shouldn't you be in bed? - Bed? Oh no, I feel bounding with energy. I feel full of life! - Where's the rabbit? - What rabbit's that? - The one I gave you to cuddle. - Goodness me, I think she must have hopped away. - (laughs) You've got an appetite like a wolf, you have. (growls) Ooooh. Oh, by the way folks, Judge has just walked in if you want to talk to him. - Oh, thank you. - Thank you. - Mm-mm-mm. - So, you can see, Sir, that in a way, this mirror really is actually ours. - Yeah. - No, it's not. I bought that fair and square. I buy a whole batch of things every year for the village prizes. - Um, fine. You know, Your Honor, I know how these things usually work, so how 'bout I slip you a few gold coins? - I'm a judge and I don't like people trying to bribe me. - [Tony] Oh-- - No, not another word! Or I'll have you thrown out of the village. ♪ Now is the month of May ♪ And when merry lambs are playing ♪ For the lady, for the lady ♪ For the lady oh ♪ It's with his bonny lass ♪ - Oh! - You're new, aren't you? - Yeah. - I can't get these sherpa tips undone. Could you help me, Mister? - Well, I, um. - Yeah, what is your name? - Wolfson. - Wolfson. (laughs) - Warren Wolfson. - It's my 18th birthday today. Bet you can't guess what's gonna happen to me tonight. - Ah! Is it the bumps? - What's that sticking' out the back of your trousers? Down there at the back. It's quite a bulge. (laughs) - I must get going. I think I left a chop on my plate. - Arrrgh! No outsiders mess with Peep girls. You understand? - What are you doin' around here anyway, Mister Wolfson? - Well I-- - Ahhhhh! Let's take him out back, and give him a proper-- - Excuse me! What are you doing to my husband? - Your husband? - Yes, he's not at all well today, and I must take him home right now. Thanks. Good night. - Good night. Excuse me. Oh, Virginia, when you said I was your husband, I went all hard and soft at the same time. - I only said that to get you out of here. Come on. - Oh, Virginia! I feel so alive! I can see everything for miles! Oh, look at the moon. Doesn't it just make you wanna howl? It's soooooo beautiful. - Not really. - My mama was obsessed with the moon. She used to drag us all out just to watch it when we were cubs. Shepherdess makes quite a mess, but little lambs are lovely. The moon makes me hungry for everything. - Time to go to sleep. - Good night, then. - Good night. What your step. (mumblings of good byes) - Not a bad place. Boy, that cider was somethin'. Ten pints. Hey, wanna go for walkies? Look, yes, all right, I feel guilty about what has happened to you. All right? But if I got you into this mess, then I'll get you out. Okay? (dramatic slow instrumental music) (quiet whispering) Wait here. - And where's the birthday girl at? Why do you think everything the Peeps make tastes so good, Sally Shepherdess? - I don't right as know. Used to be that there was a magic well in town, but well's dried up. Everyone knows that. - Do they now? Well, since you're 18, I'm gonna let you in on the family secret. Go on, boys. The reason there's no more magic water in the village well, is 'cause me and my brother diverted the stream 40 years ago. The Peeps have all the magic now. (twinkling instrumental music) Let's have a look at your sheep. Ugly bugger, isn't he? Can't see him winning' you the lovely shepherdess competition. - [Voiceover] What do you want in my magic waters. - Fill this sheep with your goodness and life. - [Sally] Oh! (laughs) Wilf, it's amazin'! - Don't you never breathe a word to anyone, or I'll cut your throat. Grandchild or no grandchild. - Do you have any idea what you do to me? You will never know love like mine. I am your mate for life! - Wolf, you don't even know what you're saying. I know you're a-- - Oh, you know, do you? Ah, you know everything. You're little Miss Perfect, sticks up her hand and can answer every question, but knows nothing. You're pretending to live, Virginia. You're doing everything, but actually living. You're driving me crazy! - Stop bullying me! I don't like it. Now go to bed! Now. - Or what? Will you scream? That's what most people do when they see a wolf. They scream, scream, and scream. What are you gonna do? Stick it in me? That's what everybody does when there's a wolf around. They stick it and they stab it and they smoke it out. They burned my parents good. Oh yes! The good people, the nice farmers, made a great big fire and burnt them both. (growls) - Hey! You're never gonna guess what I found. I know why the Peeps win everything. Well, he looks better. - Fine mess! Fine mess! Fine mess! Now she hates ya. Oh, now she hates you. Oh, because you're an animal! Oh, you deserve it, you're a nasty, nasty animal! Oh, nasty, nasty animal! Animal! - Who are your companions? - I'm not tellin' you anything about her. - Her? - Oh, agh, agh. - What's she like? Is she tasty? - You're evil. You stay away from me! - Look at the moon. Then tell me what you'd really like to do to her. And let the wolf out. (groans of anger and despair) (tinkling of glass breaking) (agitated horses neigh) - Hey, what do you think? - Oh! - Hey, don't scare it. It took me almost three hours to catch it. - Why have you stolen a sheep? - For the competition, the Beautiful Sheep and Shepherdess Competition. - (laughs) No, no, no. - Yes, yes, yes, how else are we gonna get our hands on that mirror? - I am not a shepherdess. I'm a waitress. I don't know anything about sheep. - You don't have to. That's the beauty of my plan. - Well this sheep sucks. This isn't gonna win anything. It looks like it's about to die. - Well, it won't, once it's had a trip down the magic wishing well. All right, you get busy making your costume. I'm gonna go get it dipped. - My costume? - Yeah, yeah, look. Who would've ever thought these used to be curtains? Now, come on, hurry up, and watch Prince. - Hello? - How are you feeling? - Oh, not too good. Everything's hazy at the moment. I must fight what I am. I can't even remember what I've done. You better tie me up, that way I can't escape. - What do you mean tie you up? - Tie me up! Stop me escaping! Which part don't you understand? - All right. - Tighter. Tighter! Tighter. If I struggle I can get free. Tighter. What's the worst thing you've ever done? Tighter. Or I'll eat you up. - Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! - Oh no! The chickens! They've been torn apart. (breathes heavily) - Kill the girl. - Noooooo! Nooooo! - Get me the dog. Do it! (growls and struggles) (dramatic instrumental music) (deep growling) - Due to the appalling chicken massacre this morning, we're bringing forward the Beautiful Shepherdess Competition. The prize for which, is a trophy and this lovely old mirror. (clapping and cheering) (happy, upbeat whistle playing) (crowd Oohs and Ahs) - What do ya think your doin'? - You're not local. - You little goblin. Don't you dare. - Wait, wait, wait, wait. All right, all right, I've got it. We're gonna do this right. Hold on. (dramatic music with twinkling sounds) - [Voiceover] What do you wash in my magic waters? - Urn, I want the same as you did for the Peeps. I want a beautiful sheep. Now, it's time for the well of fortune. (laughs) - Now, we've got three contestants. Good gracious me. Well, the more the merrier, I say. Ah, where's your sheep, Miss? - Oh, he's on his way. - She hasn't got one. (laughs) - I do too. He's just in the barn. - Well go and fetch him, girl, and smartish too, else I shall have to disqualify you. Now to start the competition, I'm going to ask all entrants, as is the age-old custom, to sing their favorite sheep song. Young Mary Ramley, will you start us off? (clapping and cheering) - [Man in Crowd] Come on, Mary. ♪ Baa baa black sheep ♪ Have you any wool ♪ - Oh, hey, hey! - Dad? What the hell is that? - Huhuhu, this is a mirror winning sheep, is what it is. - Oh my God, Dad, what sheep songs do you know? - Um, Baa Baa Black Sheep. - No, she's already doing that. - Then, um, I don't know, just, well just pick any song. Just put sheep words to it. - I can't do this. There is no way I'm gonna win this thing. - Virginia, listen to your father, if you ever want to go home again, do what you need to do to win this competition. - Agh! ♪ Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep ♪ And doesn't know where to find 'em ♪ Leave 'em alone ♪ And they'll come home ♪ Wagging their tails behind 'em ♪ (loud cheering and clapping) (sheep baas loudly) (oohs from the crowd) - [Voiceover] And now contestant number three. - [Man from Crowd] Girls will be girls. (chattering among the crowd) ♪ Buddy you're a lamb ♪ Make a big bleat ♪ Playing in the fields ♪ Gonna be a big ram some day ♪ You got wool on your face ♪ You big disgrace ♪ Wavin' your fleece all over the place ♪ Singin' we will ♪ We will shear you ♪ Sing it! (loud thumping of feet and clapping) ♪ Buddy you're a young ewe ♪ Look at you playing in the fields ♪ Gonna be a big ram some day ♪ You got wool on your face ♪ You big disgrace ♪ Wavin' your fleece all over the place ♪ Singin' we will, we will ♪ Shear you ♪ Singin' we will, we will ♪ Shear you ♪ - I will keep it under control. Oh, oh, time to kill. Time to kill, oh, that's what I've got. Oh, nice day, nothin' to do. Oh, ah. No! No! I am serene. I am calm and serene. I am very, very serene. Oh! I am very, very serenely hungry. - Three beautiful girls, and three beautiful lambs. This is the hardest competition to judge so far, by a long shot. I give Mary eight out of ten, and a well-earned third place. (clapping) Oh, these lambs are so beautiful. How do I make a decision? I've got to give Sally Peep ten out of ten. (loud cheering and screams) But then, I also have to give Virginia Lewis ten out of ten as well. - A tie? We can't have a tie! Someone has to win. - I have to win. Peeps always win. - How about you get a trophy and I get the mirror? - They're both mine. She shouldn't even be allowed to take part. It's not fair! - Why are you givin' an outsider ten out of ten? - She's a dirty cheat. Give the prize to my girl. - Back off, back off, I said! Now look, this is a shepherdess competition. We'll set up an obstacle course, and whoever guides her sheep into the pen in the shortest time, is the winner. Using only sheep dogs and commands. Sound fair enough? - Yeah, all right. - No, I don't have a sheep dog. - 'Spect I'll win then, won't I? (laughing) - Damn, damn, where am I gonna find a sheep dog? - Excuse me. - Just be, please, all right, I'm trying to think here. - You've got a dog. - I don't have a, oh, that dog? You know what? I don't know if you've noticed, but that dog, that's it. You're an absolute genius. Virginia, stall, stall! (tinkling, magical instrumental music) Magic wishing well, please use your magic, whatever, water to bring back to life this poor dog trapped in a gold body. - [Voiceover] Oh no, not you again. - Each girl stances into the village and can only use her shepherding skills with her dog. Are you ready, Sally? Starting now! (loudly whistles) (cheers from crowd) (exciting instrumental music) Corning up to thirty! - Okay, let it have worked, God, please, let one thing have gone right. Oh no. It didn't work. What? (loud cheers) (dog barks as crowd hollers and cheers) - Pen's closed. - Done in a splendid count of 85. (loud cheers) - Prince, come on. Come on, boy, come on, come on. Oh-oh-oh look, look! Prince, Prince fetch. Oh, yes, yes. (loud twinkling instrumental sounds) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Welcome back, Princey boy! - [Prince] Grrrrr! - Ow! - Why did you turn me into gold? - I didn't mean, it was a heat of the moment kind of thing. I was trying to protect you from those trolls. - Ah, you really are the most incompetent manservant, I've ever had. You are a complete imbecile. What are you? - Prince, all right, I really need your help here, okay? - Time starts now! - Come on, lamb! Come on, lamby! Come on! Come on! Come on! (whistles) Come here, lamb! Come on, lamby! Come on, lamb! Come on, lamb! Come here, lamby! Come on! Come on! - Going up to 30. - Come here, lamb, come on, come on! Come on, lamby, come on! Come on! - Ahhh, tough luck. Ah, geez, Sally is the winner. - Corning up to 50. - [Prince] Come along, Pinky, hurry up. That's it, stupid little sheep, hurry up. - Where did he come from? - Go, Prince, go! - Comes to 70! - [Prince] Hurry up, or I'll bite you. Get in the pen, you disgusting little woolly jumper. - Here comes 80! One, two, three! - [Virginia] Pen's closed! - Virginia the Shepherdess is this year's winner. - No! No! No! (screams and whines) - [Voiceover] I never thought I'd see the day when a Peep got beat. - Come and get your prize, lass. (loud cheers and clapping) - [Sally] No! No! (clapping and cheers) - Thank you very, very much. It was a team effort, no one person could do it. Bye-bye. - You lied to me, Wilf. You said I couldn't fail to win. - That little weaks, must have got in our well somehow. It's the only explanation. - You've made me look a fool in front of the whole village. I'm gonna make you suffer for this, Wilf. (crying loudly) (growling loudly) - Come on, come on, come on. How come it's not showing our world? - I don't know. - I was talking to Prince. - Because it's not turned on. There's probably a secret catch somewhere. - He said it's probably not turned on. Well how did you get through it in the first place? - I fell on it. It can't be that hard to find. - [Tony] I don't. - [Virginia] What's this? It's Central Park. - That's Wollman Rink. - [Voiceover] Wolf! Wolf! (loud terrified scream) - Sally Peep's been murdered! Caught him red-handed! - [Wolf] How can you get those sheep to decide? I didn't do nothin'. (angry screams and shouts) Oh, Virginia! Virginia! Virginia! I didn't do nothin'! Virginia! Virginia! (dramatic instrumental music) - Uh! Ah! Ahhh! - Are you all right? Your Majesty? - (moans loudly) Mirror. Mirror. Find me a mirror. - Find a mirror! - That man is an idiot. He's causing me so much trouble. - You're dead. You hear me? Next time I see you, you're dead. - Cease fighting immediately, or we will be overrun and we will lose this kingdom! Do you understand? (spits loudly) - I'm taking the kingdom. Then I'm coming for you, you evil pig! - To hold the Troll King's latest advance, he's ravaging the kingdom. - It looks like some awful disease. - Surely the trolls are not strong enough to seize the entire kingdom. - Well who will stop them? If no one else will say it then I will. Where is Wendell in our hour of need? Where is he? He was supposed to be performing prearranged acts of bravery before his coronation, and now there's a real crisis he's just run away. He's not fit to be king. Right that down. Put it down. Put it down! - Sirs, forgive me. I have the most dreadful news. - What is it? - Viscount Lansky's horse has returned from the Great Forest riderless. - Gentlemen, we have run out of options. We must accept military assistance from the 1st and 9th Kingdoms to protect our people. The price of their aid, however, is indeed high. The 4th Kingdom will be divided into quarters, and run by the council of the Nine Kingdoms in perpetuity, and Wendell will forego any chance of ever taking the throne. - No! No! I will not accept it. I've been planning this coronation for three and a half years. - Oh, forget the coronation, Lord Rupert, we must sign away sovereignty, or lose everything. (loud, angry chants and yelling) - Virginia, there's been a terrible mistake. - Look, Wolf. We're going home. - Oh, huff-puff, you can't. - Look, we don't belong here. - No. - And whatever mess you've gotten yourself into, it has nothing to do with us. (whimpering and crying) Please don't cry. Look, nothing you can say is ever gonna change my mind. (whimpering) - Ah, that's home, Prince. - Well, it's not home for me, Tony, and you can't possibly think of going home while you remain my manservant. - All right, let's get something straight, Your Royal Dogness, I am not your manservant. Ah-ha. So, did you break the news to him? - Yes, well, sort of. - What sort of? - Sort of agreed to represent him. - Virginia! - I don't think he killed anybody. - That's what you want to think. There's a dead girl out there. It could have been you. He is a wolf. That's what wolves do. - That's the first intelligent thing you've said, Anthony. - Look, we have the mirror. We can go home anytime. - Right, so, let's go right now. Let's go right this minute before we turn into giant pigs, or trampled by goblins, or whatever's next in this mad house. - I am not going anywhere until I try to help him. - How can? Help me hide this thing under the straw in the wagon. You never used to be this obstinate, you know? That's something he's taught you. - Well, somebody had to, didn't they? (light-hearted instrumental music) - What are you wearing? - What? I have no choice. You have to. - You know, Virginia, you don't know anything about the laws around here. As a matter of fact, you don't know anything about law at all. Maybe I should have represented him. - Excuse me? Who got you out of the parking tickets? Who took the Polaroid of the broken meter? - Virginia, this is a murder case. - Justice is universal. - Oh, it's no good, it's no good. We've lost already, my creamy counsel. The local jury is certain to be biased against me. - Now that is what I don't want to hear. Negative thinking. Any jury can be swayed, all you need is a-- (sheep baaing) Oh my God. (loud, angry shouts and sheep baaing) - [Voiceover] All rise for the Honorable Judge. - It gives me no pleasure to sentence this wolf to death (loud sheep baaing) for the terrible crime-- - Objection, Your Honor! We haven't heard any evidence yet. - Oh, all right, well then move it along. Nice and brisk, eh? - Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury. Ewes and Rams. Before you leave this courtroom today, I will not only have proved my client's innocence beyond any reasonable doubt. Ow! But also unmasked the real killer. - Just a pot of lemon tea and a slice of Rosie Peep's ginger cake. Thank you. - Look at this poor man before you. Is he a wolf? No! But he is a stranger, and stranger equals wolf, and wolf equals killer. Is that what we're saying? - Very well put. Now to the sentencing. - You Honor, I'm only just beginning. I would like to call my first witness. Wilfred Peep. You saw my client running away from the scene of the crime. Is that right? - Clear as daylight, it was him. No doubt about it. - Now jam! (shouts and angry screams) - Burn him! Burn him! - I'm wondering if you can read this. - Of course I can, it says, No trespassing' according to-- - Thank you. I wonder Mr. Peep, if you can read it now. At the same distance you say you clearly saw my client running away from the murder scene. - According to Little Lamb Village council ruling number seven-one-four B, by law twenty-one A. - No further questions, thank you. (laughing and jeering) - Oh, cripes! Oh. - We gotta do something to help him. - He's a wolf. What do you expect? He's only done exactly what I said he'd do all along. - Well, Virginia believes in him. And I believe in Virginia. - Nothing you can say will make me help him. - You wanna eat tonight? - Miss Peep, what is your profession? - I'm a shepherdess. - Oh, a shepherdess, or temptress? - Oh yeah, temptress. She's a temptress. - [Miss Peep] I'm a good girl. That wolf came up to us girls, and he kept tryin' to touch us. And show us his tail. - Oh! That'a lie! They provoked me. - Provoked you to what? - P-p-p-provoked me to nothing, but they sure were tryin'. (loud angry shouting) - Miss Peep! Miss Peep, I suggest that you and Sally Peep were the easiest shepherdesses in town. (loud angry shouting) - Are you suggesting that an innocent young girl from this village might kiss a man before she's married? - Well, a bit more than that, Your Honor. - Oh, you try my patience. You are just this far from being thrown on the bonfire with that filthy murdering wolf. (angry shouting) - Come on, what can you smell? - Your body odor. - Go on, you haven't even tried. Go on, see what you can smell. - Why don't you get down on all fours and see what you can smell. It's mainly feet and excrement at ground level, had that ever occurred to you? - Can you pick up a scent? - There's hundreds of scents. - Well, yes, but only a great hunting Prince, like yourself, could distinguish that special scent we're looking for. - Correct. - [Tony] You got it? Let's go! - How would you describe Sally Peep? - Objection! - Sally? Very cute. Oh, succulent. Nice girl, a very tasty little birdie, no mistake. - Nice enough to eat? - Oh, yes! (gasps of shock from the crowd) - What? - [Voiceover] He's shamming' us. - No! No, uh, I didn't mean that. - She was asking for it, is that what you're sayin'? - She was begging for it. I mean, she was gagging' for it. No, no, no, I just meant that some of these girls are very provocative. They know that a wolf, well, it's like thrusting a steak in front of a starving man. - Is it indeed? - Oh, no! I didn't mean that either. See, I'm twisting everything I'm saying! - He's suffering from post menstrual tension, Your Honor. - Post menstratense, pe, whatever it is. - The night before the murder, there was a hen house homicide resulting in the death of ten chickens. Anything to do with you? - No, Sir. - You didn't kill those chickens? - No, Sir! - You didn't go near the hen house? - Absolutely not, Sir. - Then how do you explain this? That is a piece of your shirt recovered from inside the Peep's chicken coop. - Oh, the chickens! Let me think. Yes, yes, I might've eaten all the chickens. - And then you killed Sally Peep. - Oh! A couple of drumsticks doesn't make me a killer. I had chicken for dinner, I admit it, but I didn't touch no girl! I swear! - Then why did you lie? - Yes, why did you lie? - Because if I said yes to the chickens, then you're gonna think I wolfed down the girl as well. - That is exactly what we think. - But I didn't do it! I didn't do it! Virginia, I swear! - Of course you didn't! (angry shouting) Of course he didn't do it! Of course he didn't do it! But if he didn't kill Sally Peep, then who did? - [Wolf] Who did? - I hear myself asking, myself, because the time has come for me to point the finger at the real killer. Because, because last night there was another man walking around dressed as a wolf. Yes! (laughs) The man in the wolf mask is the real killer. And that murdering piece of filth is the one that should be on this witness stand now. - The honor of playing the wolf in the annual fair, has always gone to an unimpeachable member of our society. - I don't care, bring this sleazebag in. Let me cross-examine him, and I guarantee we'll have our murderer. - And when that honor was bestowed on me last week. I was only too happy to accept. - I'm most dreadfully sorry, Your Honor. (angry shouting and screaming) - (barks) Ah-ha, the Peep's barn. (sniffing around) - Listen I, come here, come here. I've been here, all right? I know about the well. - This is where she came from. She was here just before she was murdered. I can smell her here. - Members of the jury, you have heard the evidence, most of it quite ridiculous. - Some of it. - [Judge] Now those who believe him innocent all go into the left-hand pen. Those who know him to be guilty go into the right-hand pen. - The right-hand pen is full of food. - [Wolf] Yeah, it's full of food! (wailing) Oh, Gypsy was right. A girl dead, a wolf burns. Oh! - So what, if this is where Sally came from? I don't know what you expect to find. The well. Somebody's destroyed the magic well. Who would'v- [Prince] Shh! I'm getting a new scent. I think there's something important here. - By a unanimous verdict, I pronounce you guilty of murder most heinous. - [Wolf] No, no! - I sentence you to be burned at the stake. Let's do it right away before the Marvelous Melon Contest. - No! Objection, Your Honor! That is not fair! (angry chants and screaming) Wolf! No! - I didn't do it! I didn't do it! (gives a long, sad howl) - You cannot do this! You haven't given him a fair trial. - Virginia, I want you to remember me all nicely forever. - Seems only right that family should do it, Wilf. - I'll burn him. - [Virginia] You can't do this! No! (angry shouts and cheers) - Wait! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Wolf did not kill Sally Peep, and I can prove it. - Oh, he'll say anything. - No, no! listen to me. The Peep family has cheated you for years. (angry shouts) They have their own magic well, and they stopped the rest of you from getting any of the water. - [Wilfred] It's a lie! - When Sally Peep lost the competition, she wrecked your well. Didn't she, Wilfred? You found out what she did. You followed her up into the fields, and you killed her, didn't you? - I don't know what you're talkin' about. We don't have no magic well. - Why do you think they've one the competitions year after year? Why do you think their food tastes so much better than yours? - I believe him! You Peeps have cheated us for too long. - Oh, where's the proof to any of this? Prove that I killed Sally. - [Woman in Crowd] Yes, go on, prove it! - [Man in Crowd] Yeah, that's right, prove it! - Where's your coat, Wilfred? The one you were wearing last night. (loud whistle) - [Man in Crowd] It's the dog! - [Man in Crowd] He's got Wilf's coat. - [Woman in Crowd] Blood! Look, blood! - [Man in Crowd] Oh my God, it's blood! (murmers and gasps of shock) - Poor, Sally, she wasn't yelling wolf at all, was she, Wilfred? She was screaming your name. Wilf! Wilf! - She'd ruined the well. Dirty little vixen. It destroyed all of us. - You killed our Sally? (loud angry shouting) (dramatic instrumental music) - Oh, oh, my three friends! How can I ever thank you enough? You saved my bacon! Oh, thanks old chap. Oh, I owe you a very big bone! - [Prince] I'm actually disgusted that you're still with us. You repulse me. Why did I have to save your life? - Oh, yes, from now on we are friends for life. And as for you, Virginia, what a courtroom drama! - So, um, are you cured now? - Oh, completely, back to my old self. - Yeah? - I can't remember much about it, to tell you the truth, but I do remember that you and Tony both laid down your lives for me. It was the most amazing thing. So dramatic. - Wha? What happened to the wagon? - [Virginia] And our mirror? - Oh, my son John, he's just takin' his pigs to market. Left a couple of hours ago. - Oh, which way and how far? - Well, it's not a journey you'd wanna make on foot. (soft instrumental music) (chatter from crowd) - Told ya I didn't do it. Did you enjoy your stay in our village? - Not exactly. - Wish I could remember who that dog reminds me of. - Let me make a suggestion. Prince Wendell, your ruler. - (laughs) Prince Wendell? Don't be so daft. No, it was a puppy I once knew called Mr. Fleas. - Ah, splendid, Mr. Fleas. Anthony can we leave this village? One idiot in our group is quite enough. - Let's go. - Aren't you gonna make a wish then? - Why don't you make it for us? - Bye. (water splashes) It sounds like our well's getting some water back in it. Oh, joy! (loud bell rings) Oh, yea! Oh, yea! The water's back on! (whimsical flute playing) (happy instrumental music) Finally! I am a complete idiot! (laughs) (cheering and happy shouting) - Ask yourself these questions. Do you frequently conceal your emotions? Do you feel like you do everything for other people and then resent it? - Everyday in every way, I am becoming a new and better man. - I'm on the final page of the final chapter of my final book. I now totally understand women, top to bottom. I have perfected a technique of not looking at her all the time. It's been very difficult, but I think I've succeeded. - I am listening to my emotions and I am at one with myself. - [Prince] Hang on, I haven't finished that page yet. Turn back. - I've managed to stop my tongue from lolling when she arouses me. I've transformed myself into a new man and soon she will be mine. (panting) (happy whimsical music) - [Tony] Where exactly are we? - [Wolf] We have entered the most romantic town in the whole of the Nine Kingdoms, the Kissing Town, where everyone falls in love. Truly, fate has led us here. - [Virginia] Dream on. - You'll see. - [Tony] Yeah, well we didn't come here for that. We came for the mirror, all right? - Hello, I've been looking for you all day. I can see love and fortune coming your way. - Well. - [Tony] Well, it's slice the fruitcake time again. - Dad. - Great romance, great love, before this very night is out. - Ah, which one of us breaks the money? - Your aura is cloudy. Just give me a couple of coins. - A couple? Ah, it's the old cloudy aura bit. What are you doing? Ah, you have such a soft touch. - Yes, soft, sensuous, creamy touch. - Now, if you look over there, you might find what you're looking for. Good bye. - Wait, look, look, that's the pig wagon. The one the mirror was in. It was, wasn't it? - How did she know that? - Yeah, come on, come on, come on. There's nothin'. Oh, is this yours? Where's our mirror? - I didn't know it was yours, now did I? - Where is it? - You wouldn't want it now anyway, it's covered in pig filth. - Where is it? - I don't rightly know. - What? - Fellow gave me five coppers for it this mornin'. - Five coppers? What fella? - I don't know. Passing threw with a wheelbarrow full of bricky-brack. Probably comin' from the antiques market. - Bricky? - You'll never find it now, Anthony. - We're not-- - This place is full of old things. You'd do best to split up. - Yeah. - [Driver] Shame you won't have any time for romance though. - [Wolf] Bricky-brack. - Bricky-brack, bricky-brack. (sinister instrumental music) You know something? I'll tell you, your trouble is that you've not had to do a hard day's work your entire life. - [Prince] What would you know about the suffering of royalty? You seem to have been some kind of cleaner in your world. - Y-y-yeah, what's wrong with that, all right? Nothing shameful about cleaning. And I had money once. You know that? I was rich. - You? (laughs) Rich? - Yes, yes, I had a thriving plastics business. I was makin' 55 grand a year when I was 21 years old. - Ah, so let me guess, you lost it all? - No, I just kind of overstretched myself. I put all my money into an idea that just didn't pan out. - And what was that? - Bouncy castles. We had the Robin and Maid Marian, Jolly Jester, the Haunted Castle. You know, we had the Cowboy and Indian Bouncer, one of our most popular items. And then the ZigZag Bouncer, our motto was, "Put the Bounce Back in Your Life." - Ah, please stop, Anthony. Oh, no, it can't be. - [Tony] The trolls. - Not a very attractive work, I'll grant you, but full of vitality and life, frozen rage. Does it tickle your fancy? - Not even a little bit. Actually though, I am looking for a mirror. It's about my height, black. - I seem to remember a job lot of junk. It's in there. - [Virginia] Wolf, do you really think we're gonna find the mirror here? I think we should get back to town. - Remember the story of Snow White when she swallowed the poison apple, and everyone thought she was dead? - Mm-hmm. - Well, the Seven Dwarfs, they brought her here and put her in a glass coffin in the hopes - [Virginia] Here? - That someone might be able to bring her back to life. - In this town? - To the top of this very hill. The Prince's grandmother. - [Virginia] Oh my God, look. Is this the real glass coffin? I don't know what it is, I just feel so good. (laughs) I don't know what it is. - We all do. Everyone does in the Kissing Town. Excuse me, excuse me. - That's it. That's it, that's it, that's it. - Shh, don't attract attention. - Look at that, ten to fifteen gold coins. It's priced really low. Nobody knows what it is. - Don't turn it on in here, you moron. Everyone will see. - Hmm, what do you think? - Oh, what? This? Oh, no I, I wouldn't even waste my time, just a piece of junk. - At first I thought it was a reproduction. Late Naked Emperor, at best, but I think it's older than that, quite a lot older. Maybe even early Cinderellan, and quite a lot more special. - Ah, right, so, Miss Snow white is lying here for years and everyone thinks she's dead. Close your eyes. Slow down your breathing, so your chest is almost not moving at all. That's nice. And all these handsome chaps come along, and try to bring her around, but none of them were good enough for her. You know what I mean? - Mmm. (laughs) - And then one day, this drop dead gorgeous prince comes past, and he stops and thinks, Oh, what a quirky girl. What a sweetie-pie. But she's frozen, cold. She resists his every call with her frozen countenance, and he realizes that the only way he can melt this ice queen is to massage the life back into her soft, creamy lips with a kiss. - Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Would you two stop clowning around? I found the mirror. Come on! It was right here. It was right here. It's gone. It's gone. Hey, wait! Hey, hey! The mirror that was here, where is it? - Oh, you mean the magic mirror? - The? - What a find. We're all tremendously excited about it. It's in there. - Oh, okay, it's in there. (foreboding instrumental music) - Now it's five thousand? - We'll never raise that. ♪ I'm wishing on a ♪ Star ♪ To follow where you ♪ Are ♪ I'm wishing on a ♪ Dream ♪ To follow what it ♪ Means ♪ And I wish on all the ♪ Rainbows ♪ That I see ♪ I wish on all the people ♪ Who ♪ Really dream ♪ I'm wishing on a ♪ Star ♪ Have some eggplant. I told you, i'm not hungry. Now you won't even accept food from your own mother. Will you please stick to the topic? Oh, sure, sure. You believe that uncle of yours. I never conspired with him. I wish somebody would tell me what you're talking about. Ask your brother. I'm here to get your living situation settled, now with janice gone. Barbara asked me to come here. Beyond that, i got nothing to say to you. Ma, you can't come live with us. I'm sorry, but tom won't allow it. Janice was right. I won't go back to that place. You got that right. They won't have you back at green grove. Tony! She was abusive to the staff! Maybe tom and i should just-- no, no, no, no. Don't listen to the manipulation. You got your own life! If you had a mother that had one shred of gratitude in her, one shred, but you don't. She's taking a page from your wife's book. Oh, that is fucking outrageous! Carmela asked you how many fucking times to come live with us? Well, he's gone. Nice work, ma. Carmela's been so sweet to you. I'm tired of this shit. Every fucking time. What? What are you doing? You're not gonna live with her. There's two tickets, first class. Go to tuscan, stay with aunt gemma. Take aunt quinn with you, the other fucking miserab'. I've done my part, that's all you get from me. My sister quintina won't fly. So, throw her out on the fucking tarmac! To business. How are you? Alright. Oh, maddon'. Missed a great meal too. Fantastic. Indian food. That envelope's just the first week. I love it. Patsy been in? He's looking for you. Where'd the fuck they get the fried zucchini flowers? It's fantastic. It's stuffed with melted dry riccoti. Yeah? Help yourself, you fat fuck. They good? Mmm. You too? Anybody else? How about you? Tell arthur of the ritz to send a couple of plates of zucchini flowers out. And some zuppa di mussels. You got it. So, telecommunications once again fails to disappoint. What's this thing? Telephone calling cards. You find a front man who can get a line of credit, you buy a couple of million units of calling time from a carrier. You become "acme telephone card company". "Acme". You're now in the business of selling prepaid calling cards. Immigrants especially, no offense. They're always calling back home to whoever the fuck. And it's expensive, right? You sell thousands of these cards to the greedy pricks, cards at a cut rate. But you bought the bulk time on credit, remember? The carrier gets stiffed. He cuts off the service to the card holders, but you already sold all your cards. That's fucking beautiful! It's a good one. Oh. Prince rogain. Here you go, some zuppa di mussels, and tony, you got the last dozen flowers. Do me a favor, put these on the menu for meadow's graduation party. Hey, those were some colleges she got into, your kid. Yeah, you must be very proud. Hey, holy cross. I mean, heather didn't exactly walk away with un gatz. Excuse me. I give carmela all the credit. Hey, you had something to do with it too. Cheers. Salute. Salute. Things are good, what the fuck? Richie aprile's in the bermuda triangle. All my enemies are smoked. Oh, oh, oh! Hey, patsy. What the fuck? Don't bring that in here. Wait outside in the car, i'll come out. What did i say? In the car. You still up? The gifts for grad night. What's that? Oh, it's a vestimenta suit. Got a price. You know it looks fatter than a suit, right? I hate that when the air gets trapped inside the suit bag, you know, when you zip it up. Yeah. Don't you hate that? What? What do you want? Air in the bag. The only thing to do is unzip it a little, let the air out. Holy shit. My suit's growing a fucking beard. Oh, tony, will you let me work here, please? Growing a beard or a mirkin or something. Ah! It's fucking alive! It's alive! Oh, my god! Oh, my god. Tony, what did you do? It's for you. Oh, my god. Yeah. We're having a good week. Ah, ah, ah, ah. You look beautiful, carm. Come here. You believe this shit? Fucking june. My daughter's graduating in a week. Spring snow. Happened when my parents got married. Won't last. So, they here yet? Not yet. Ton'. I'm sorry. When they make the diagnosis? About a month ago. The wife and kids know? No. And there's nothing they can do for you? The various protocols to date are ineffective. What can i say? You have my sympathy. September 5th. That's how long they've given him to live. But instead of waiting until then, he's gonna light himself on fire. Yeah. Is that balls of concrete or what? Very considerate. How many guys are gonn a do that for you, heh? Spare you all those fuckin' visits to the hospital. By the way, patsy, coat went over big. She loved it. I'm philly. Sorry, right, philly. Yeah. Thought you were your brother. You know, i just bought a sable off him. I'm sorry i had to do that. Fuck this. They're never coming. Where's pussy? Hey, ton'. What if these doctors are wrong? Carm. What? Might as well just fucking kill myself. I've never been so fucking depressed. Tony. Sorry. It's alright, go back to bed. No, no, what? What now? It's all a big nothing. What is? Life. Tony, that is your mother talking. Everything's black. You have a tendency towards depression, yes. But listen to me, alright? Everything's gonna be alright. I'm here, i'm with you. The kids are safe in their beds. They love you. What? It's coming from here. It's not my fucking head. It's my stomach. I'm nauseous. Jesus. Fuck! Oh, fuck, it's the chicken vindaloo. Fucking motherfucking wogs! Mom, what's going on? Your father is sick. Oh, my god, daddy, what happened? He went to an indian restaurant. That is so racist. Who's letting those big ones? There better be coke left in that fridge is all i can say. How did it go? Was sundip there? Yeah. My whole cut. Here. What's the matter? "What's the matter?" I know, i know, tony's your best friend. President franklin is my best friend. And he's in there. Look... some cooperators, when they finally get their new identity, do pretty fucking good. One snitch i worked with became recycling and garbage commissioner of a good sized city in florida. You alright? Yeah, it's all out of there. Here. Here, small sips. Wondered about that chicken. Probably a fucking cocker spaniel. Oh, stop it, tony, here, lie back. You feel a little hot. Fucking goddess with the six arms. No wonder. Here. Sip. I said sip, tony. What? I said, you still like your coat? I love my coat. Where you going? I don't know. What are you looking for? Somebody's looking for me. Who? I don't know. Our true enemy has yet to reveal himself. Three hearts. And a seven. Make it a dime. Tony, are you up yet? How are you feeling? I had fucked up dreams last night. Fever dreams. I shot this guy. He's a friend of mine. Now, in real life, this guy does do some things that annoy me. Like every christmas, he sends out these typed reports of what his nieces and nephews have been doing. Who got into west point, who got a hole in one. And he hums... tv commercials. Drives me fucking crazy. But he's... one of my best guys, a terrific earner. So, what the fuck would i do that for? I was filled with-- anger. Yeah, right, anger , you know everything. You have never dealt with your anger. And look at the cost. You are the biggest threat to yourself. That's what being a human being is. But some people are more self- destructive than others. You're gonna make me eat something now? Maybe. If you keep this up. No. I'm dying. I'm gonna cover you with this blanket, okay? I don't want you to see me like this. Please. I'm fucking freezing. Your teeth are chattering. You want to go back into the bed? Might as well just leave me here. Motherfucking fucking! I think you have food poisoning. Fucking dreams, jesus christ. It's alright. It's alright. Where is he? Who? Pussy. Hey. What are you doing here? Finalize the menu. Oh, shit, i completely forgot. Tony had food poisonin g all night, the poor guy. Ooh, oh, hey, it's not from my place. Was he at vesuvio last night? Yeah. But i got an "a" rating. It's... sure, of course, nobody's saying. Is that artie? Hey, ton'. Send him up! Tony, go to sleep. You don't even make any sense when you talk. Send him up! Oh, jeez, you picked up a bad one somewhere, huh? Somewhere? You know, maybe. Just out of consideration for others, you'd dump those fucking mussels you gave me before you cause a fucking outbreak. Whoa, nellie. I hand pick every piece of shellfish myself. Oh, yeah? You smelling them as you're picking them or you're staring off into space? Worrying about paying your fucking rent or whatever it is you fucking worry about. That's a serious allegation. Nobody's gonna fucking sue you. You see, this is what i'm talking about. Tony, you ate mussels? Prince edward island. Top of the line. After an entir e indian dinner? You ate at an indian restaurant? There you go. It was the mussels. They came up undigested. They came up undigested, how could they be the cause? It's why my body shut down, self protection. You know what they cook with at indian restaurants? Ghee. It's clarified butter. I mean, you get a rancid hit of that and... you can imagine. You know, it's interesting too 'cause when indira ghandi got assassinated, i was watching the satellite feed when they broadcast the cremation. Did you know that they douse the body and the funeral pyre in clarified butter just to get it burning? Did you call pussy? He had the mussels too. Jesus, artie,"call pussy", some concern maybe? I am, i feel very bad for him. Sal. It's arthur bucco. What the fuck? Hello. Hey, man, it's artie. Yeah, i know, what's up? Listen, i'm at the soprano's house. And tony's a little green around the gills. Flu, i'm guessing. But maybe he ate something didn't agree with him. Food poisoning? No, what, salmonella? No! But he had a reaction. You guys ate at an indian restaurant. It would help if we knew, did you have any symptoms? No. Well, once during the night, i did have a slight touch of diarrhea. That's all, it passed. Nothing. Touch of diarrhea. You motherfucker. A touch. Nothing right, puss? Not what like tony's going through, right? Like from bad shell- fish or anything. What the fuck? Am i gonna get sick now? No! Listen, did you guys eat the same thing at the indian restaurant? Well, we both had the papadums, but different courses. Both had the papadums, different entrees. Stop talking about food. Okay, puss. Yeah, i'm sorry to bother you. Okay, thanks a lot, okay. I'm sorry, tony, but i feel vindicated. I can't get of f the boardwalk. I'm gonna call dr. Cusamano. This is worrying me now. Poor sonofabitch. Oh, you gotta go again? Just let me die. No. C'mon. Ally oop. Up, up, up, up. So, where we headed? This way. Ladies and gentlemen, in a few moments we'll begin general boarding on flight 129 with non- stop service to tucson. At this time, we'd like to begin boarding our first class passengers only. Those traveling with young children and those requiring g special assistance. You can't understand a word they say. Go on. Livia soprano? Oh, pussy. Oh. C'mon in. So... who's your friend? Pussy? I'm confused. Isn't pussy your friend? Yeah. But that's the friend that was almost carried off by the ducks, right? You know what the worst part of this is? This is one of those situations where i know i'm dreaming. Well, let's look at it. When you say pussy you mean my friend, pussy, or you know... pussy. Whatever seems to be dominating your thoughts. I got pussy on the brain. I always do. I wanna fuck you, i always did... do. I told you that the first time we met. I find you immensely attractive, anthony. I thought i repulsed you. You go out of your way to repulse me. But you like that. You just admitted you find me attractive. You're the one that's fucked up. Anthony, anthony. What are we gonna do with you? What's he smiling at? No, he's gritting his teeth, he's freezing. Tony. Hey, guy. Not feeling too good, huh? I'm dying. No, no, you got a small case of e. Coli, campylobacteria, maybe, but you're gonna be fine. Let me die. Should he maybe go to the hospital? Nothing we'd do. Pump his stomach? Not with this. He should suck ice chips. It's good for the fever, keeps him hydrated. Anyhoo... fucking ragheads. I don't think so, tony. Those spices kill microbial agents. Very smart. That fucking artie bucco. Meadow's graduation is tomorrow. Ah. Hey, ton'. How's it going? You didn't get sick? Nah. How much you weigh? Eight pounds. Lost a lot of weight. Swimming. The best exercise. Works every muscle group. Get the fuck out of here. You never exercise d once in your life. Anyway, four dollars a pound. You know i've been working with the government right, ton'? Don't say it. C'mon, ton'. Sooner or later you gotta face facts. I don't want to hear it. Well, you're gonna hear it. Fuck. You passed me over for promotion, ton', you knew. How much shit you give them? A lot. Jesus, puss. Fuck of a way for it all to end, huh? Yeah. Yeah. These guys, on either side of me, they're asleep. Don't say that. It's not fucking funny. I don't want to see you flopping' around down there! No way, tony. Get your ass back in bed. Cramps are gone, i got to go out. Help me with this. Tony, you are out of your mind. I brought you some consomme. I wasn't even sure you could handle that. God help you, tony, if your head is in that bowl for graduation because i sure as hell won't. Tony. Hi, ang, how you doing? Good, good, how are you? Oh, madonn', my poor ass. Is the man at home? Yeah, come in, he's still sleeping. I'll go get him. Give me a minute, ang! Hey, tony, how you feeling? Better. Good, you look better. I mean-- than i thought you would. Artie called. Hopalong che- se- dic', how you doing? Can't complain. You want some coffee? You in the neighborhood? No, no, i got a call about a boat, a sea ray 50. I want you guy's opinion on it. What, now? The owner's got two offers. I gotta decide this morning. Cuban guy. Oh, yeah. Okay. Just throw some clothes on. C'mon. Okay. Oh, jesus. Round 12. You know, i could use that cup of coffee. Yeah, right. We don't need to see this. I promised gab i'd pick up 10 bags of the garden mulch from home depot before i did anything this morning. See? And you're sitting there, shame on you. How long is he taking up there? I'm looking forward to the graduation party. So, who's ready to go buy a boat? Might as well tell you now. I bought the most beautiful boat today. Cool. The 50 footer? The very same. I might as well tell you. I decided on columbia. Oh! You want? It's a little early in the day, no? Sea legs. Yeah, what the fuck. You sure you want to go out today, t.? Just getting over the trots. Time and tide wait for no man, right? It's got a decent displacement for its size. Mill puts out about 700 horsepower. Beautiful boat, tony. I've been waiting 40 minutes. The cuban had to go see the harbor master, but we're free to give it a spin. C'mon, puss. Rides nice. Let's go down below, check out the mahagony. C'mon. Take a seat, puss. Should we test- drop the anchor, see how she holds? Later. Yeah, right. Why you making me do this, you fat, fucking, miserable piece of shit? What, tony, what? When did they flip you? Tell me, don't lie. Flip? Who? What? They had me, tony. I was going away for pushing h. How long? 30 to life, i had no choice. How long? How much do they know? A year and a half, no less. A year and a fucking half you been running your own fucking gossip column? Motherfucker! Let me explain. I fed them bullshit. Nothing. Whatcallmallit, disinformation so i could live, keep earning on any subsistence level whatsoever. I will do nothing, tony, nothing to put you in harm's way, all of yous! That's how they got tipped off about the bevilaqua hit, huh? 'Cause you did nothing. On my mother's eyes, that wasn't me! Little things, pickyoon shit. Be specific. They know about the calling cards. I'm not in that. What else? That's it. That's is, recently. What not recently? I'm thinking. Fucking noise! Where you going? The other shit, none of it amounted to anything. I've been careful, i've got this down. I'm mind- fucking these donkeys like you wouldn't believe. Webistics? Oh, jesus christ. But mostly i talked up the scatino bust- out, nothing federal there to link you, tony. They need serial numbers. I'm telling you, this disinformation shit is an effective technique, it's a freaking ace! What's the matter with you? It's this fucking swell. I got food poisoning. You don't see me getting all fucked up. Don't yell at me! I'll fucking yell at you, you don't like it? We got any good tequila? You know that acupuncturist down in puerto rico? 26... tell you, this broad, her ass was the second coming. Never wore panties. Brushed her teeth with this shit. Every night she'd drink me under the fucking table. And i'd eat her out when i was down there. Hey, puss. Did she even really exist? Fucked up. Not in the face, okay? You give me that? Huh? Keep my eyes? You were like a brother to me. To all of us. Yeah. I'm starting t o feel it now too. My inner ear balance is off. What? Jesus christ. I gotta sit down. I feel like i can't stand. Is that okay, tony? That i sit? Get the weights. You're not gonna forget to go to comp world, get the gift? If we gave her the one i could've got it would've had a smaller screen but it would've cost us nothing. Don't snap at me, okay? Don't press your luck with this diarrhea. I can't shake it. Whose fault is that? Hello. Put anthony on. Don't call here. I am at newark airport. We've been held here since 9:00 this morning. Your mother is still at the airport. Tough shit. Go get anthony, i need a lawyer. I'm in airport security. She's at airport security. I can't do it, i can't call. I don't know what to do. They say that anthony gave me a stolen ticket. They're gonna call the fbi. Here, you better-- i don't know. The fun never stops. What? Anthony, the tickets are stolen. What the fuck? What did you say? Did you? Ma, i'll send someone down there to pick you up. But i don't know what you're talking about. Okay? Jesus christ. How fucking hard is it to get on an airplane? What do you want? Agent harris. Anthony soprano. We have a warrant to search your house, property, and your family vehicle. What are you looking for today, boss? Stolen airline tickets, constituting mail fraud, wire fraud, and any other federal violation. Let's see your warrant. You can also see the tickets. We found them in your suburban. You have the right to remain silent. I bought them, talk to my lawyer. You have the right to an attorney. What, are you a fuckin' parrot? What'd i just say? We're entitled to search the rest of the domicile. Let's go. Upstairs. Michael, over here. Our daughter is graduating high school. You can't wait a few days to persecute him? To persecute us? Jerry, get the door. I'm gonna keep trying, mink, i don't trust that secretary. Oh, my god. Med, it's alright, i'll be home in a couple hours, don't worry. I'm graduating tomorrow! Let's get outta here. What, do you guys need another picture of me for your wallets? Other hand. Tony soprano, weak in the knees, can't stand the heat? I got food poisoning. You think this bothers me, you fuck head? This way. I gotta tell you, frank, i'd forget about any deli tray coming your way in the future. Meadow, are you sleeping? Yes. I want to talk to you. God, am i so not going to miss this. You have to understand that your father means well. He's given his life for you, for your brother, for us. All i'm saying, how you reacted downstairs, now you're sitting up here by yourself. I know it was embarrassing for you, but... anyway, if you ever wanted to talk-- this is who dad is. My friends don't judge me. And fuck them if they do, i'll cut them off. I knew i was giving her a bad ticket. That voice , that voice. It's done, tony, over. My advice now is to put it behind you. If this is all there is, these 23 tickets, they don't have "bubkes" and they know it. I know it's a small thing, but that's the fucking point. One more minute, if i could've just stood there saying,"yes, ma, okay, ma, i hear you, ma", one more minute, i wouldn't be in this spot. I beat a homicide and now i fucked up, neil. I blew an easy one. I blew everything. Tony. No, we got fuckin' federal charges, we got the faa. Before this is over they're gonna pin that egypt air thing on me and you fucking know it! I got predicates up the ass, fucking rico case. 30 to life. Don't think about that now. You'll make bail. There's no capital crimes. Get on with life. My mother, my fucking goddamn idiot of a mother. You'd think she was never married to johnny soprano. Is there something else bothering you, anthony? That's not enough? Fucking demented, old bat. You're so angry with your mother and the airline tickets. I'm not saying that it's not serious, but a year ago your mother colluded to have you killed, yet you never say "boo" about that, even when i try to elicit. If she tried to have you killed a year ago, believe me, in your childhood, she's inflicted serious psychic injuries that are still there. Poor me. And your father, the gangster, tough guy. Did he protect you kids from borderline mother? What the hell was going on there? What is this? Little snacks for thought for me to take home? I haven't pushed you enough to confront these things. Somewhere along the line, i became frightened of you. Frightened. Maybe i should've seen that clearer in the beginning. Maybe, baby. Rage, anthony, is a big, loud, flaming, self distraction from feelings that are even more frightening. What feelings might those be? Sadness. You go off on a racist rant about indian food, your demented, old bat of a mother. What else has happened? Nothing. After two years treating you, i've learned things. And i pick up sorrow coming from you. I had a dream i fucked your brains out, right on that desk. You loved it. You threw that at me like a rock. Sadness, anthony, stay with that. Mommy tried to kill you and you gave her airline tickets. Fuck you. And now you're really in trouble. I'm gonna beat this shit, you kidding me? With that... anthony... scott richard sipronowski. Meadow mariangela soprano. Jonathan tiffen. Anthony tomasello. It's fucking graduation day. So i might as well take this opportunity. I'm proposing you to get your button. I fucking deserve it. Got no spleen, gene. Congratulations. Thank you, thank you. Yeah. Oh. What the fuck? That's right, get an education. Excuse us. Carmella sees you, she's gonna cut you a new asshole. I'm leaving. It's great to see your kid graduate, huh? The youth, that's what's important. What we do is small potatoes. And eric, state college, right? He got accepte d to georgetown. There's a little money pinch. I heard you and charlene split up. Christine. I'm getting the fuck out of here, i got a job on a ranch out west. What? Don't make me fucking laugh. I lived in new mexico until i was 11, remember? You ever try riding? Uh, no. The airlines are running specials non- stop to nevada, fly right into vegas, half hours drive. You should come hang out. New day. Vegas, huh? Alright, david, take care of yourself. Drive safe. I'm so proud of you. Sal knew it was today, i told him over and over. He's so self centered. Here you go, sweetheart, gimme that face. Captions copyright 2000 home box office a division of time warner entertainment company, L. P. Funhouse -Have some eggplant. -l told you, I'm not hungry. You won't even accept food from your mother! Will you please stick to the topic? Oh, sure, sure. You believe that uncle of yours. I never conspired with him. I wish you'd tell me what you're talking about. -Ask your brother. -l'm here.. . ...to get you settled now with Janice gone. Barbara asked me here. Beyond that, I got nothing to say to you! You can't come live with us. I'm sorry... -...but Tom won't allow it. -Janice was right. I won't go back to that place! You're right. They won't have you back at Green Grove. -She was abusive to the staff! -Maybe Tom and I should just-- No, no, no, no. Don't listen to the manipulation. You got your own life. If you had a mother that had one shred of gratitude in her. -But you don't. -She's learning from your wife. That is outrageous! Carmela asked you how many fucking times to come live with us! Well, he's gone. Nice work, Ma. Carmela's been so sweet to you. I gotta hear this shit all the fucking time! What are you doing? You're not gonna live with her. There's two tickets. Stay with Aunt Gemma in Tucson. Take Aunt Quinn, the other mísera_íle. That's all you get from me. -My sister Quintina won't fly. -Throw her out on the fucking tarmac! To business. -How we doing? -All right. Madonna. -Missed a great meal too. -Fantastic. Indian food. -That envelope's just the first week. -l love it! -Patsy in? -He's looking for you. Fuck, they got the fried zucchini flowers. It's fantastic. It's stuffed with the melted dry ricotta. -Help yourself, you fat fuck. -They good? You too? Anybody else? How about you? Want some? Tell Arthur to send out two more plates. -And some zuppa di mussels. -You got it. So telecommunications, once again, fails to disappoint? -What's this thing? -Telephone calling cards. You find a front man to get a line of credit. You buy a couple of million units of time. You become Acme Telephone Card Company. The business of selling prepaid calling cards. lmmigrants especially, no offense, always call home to wherever the fuck. And it's expensive. You sell thousands of these cards to the greedy pricks. Cards at a cut rate. But you bought the bulk time on credit. The carrier gets stiffed. He cuts off service to the cardholders. -But you already sold all your cards. -That's fucking beautiful! That's a good one. Oh, Prince Rogaine! There you go, some zuppa di mussels. And Tony? The last dozen flowers. Have these for Meadow's graduation party. Hey, those are some colleges she got into, your kid. Yeah, you must be very proud. Holy Cross! I mean, Heather didn't exactly walk away with lo cazzo. Excuse me. -l give Carmela all the credit. -You had a hand in it too. Cheers. Things are good. What the fuck? Richie Aprile is in the Bermuda Triangle. All my enemies are smoked. -Oh, oh, oh! -Hey, Patsy! What the fuck? Don't bring that in here. Wait outside in the car. What did I say? In the car. You're still up. Gifts for grad night. What's that? Oh, it's a Vestimenta suit. I got a price. It looks fatter than a suit. I hate how air gets trapped inside the suit bag when you zip it up. -Don't you hate that? -What? What do you want? Air in the bag. The only thing to do is unzip it a little. Let the air out. Holy shit! -My suit's growing a fucking beard! -Will you let me work? Growing a beard or a merkin or something. -lt's fucking alive! It's alive! -Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Tony, what did you do? It's for you. Oh, my God! Yeah. We're having a good week. You look beautiful, Carm. Come here. You believe this shit? Fucking June. My daughter graduates in a week. Spring snow. Happened when my parents got married. Won't last. -So they here yet? -Not yet. Ton. I'm sorry. -When they make the diagnosis? -About a month ago. -The wife and kids know? -No. And there's nothing they can do for you? The various protocols to date are ineffective. What could I say? You have my sympathy. September 5th. That's how long they've given him to live. But instead of waiting until then, he's gonna light himself on fire. -Yeah. -ls that balls of concrete or what? -Very considerate. -How many guys will do that for you? Spare you all those fucking visits to the hospital. By the way, Patsy, coat went over big. She loved it. I'm Philly. Sorry. Right. Philly, yeah. Thought you were your brother. I just bought a sable off him. I'm sorry I had to do that. Fuck this. They're never coming. Where's Pussy? Hey, Ton. What if these doctors are wrong? Carm. Why don't I just fucking kill myself? I never been so fucking depressed. Tony? It's all right. Go back to bed. No, no, no, what? What now? -lt's all a big nothing. -What is? Life. That is your mother talking. Everything's black. Well, you have a tendency towards depression. Yes. But listen to me, everything's gonna be all right. I'm here, I'm with you. The kids are safe in their beds. They love you. -Wait. -What? Wait, it's coming from here. It's not my fucking head. It's my stomach. I'm nauseous! Oh, Jesus! Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck, it's the chicken vindaloo! Fucking motherfucking wogs! -Mom, what's going on? -Your father is sick. -Oh, my God, Daddy! What happened? -He went to an Indian restaurant. That is so racist! Who's letting those big ones? There better be Coke left in that fridge is all I can say. How'd it go? -Was Sundeep there? -Yeah. My whole cut. Here. -What's the matter? -What's the matter? I know. Tony's your best friend. President Franklin is my best friend, and he's in there. Look, some cooperators, when they get their new identity.. . ...they do pretty fucking good. One snitch became garbage commissioner.. . ...of a good-sized city in Florida. -You all right? -Yeah. It's all out of there. Here. Here. Small sips. Wondered about that chicken. Probably a fucking cocker spaniel. Stop it, Tony. Here, lie back. Well, you feel a little hot. Fucking goddess with the six arms. No wonder. Here. Sip. I said sip, Tony. What? So do you still like your coat? I love my coat. Where are you goíng? I don't know. -What are you lookíng for? -Somebody's looking for me. Who? I don't know. Our true enemy has yet to reveal himself." Three hearts and a seven. Queen bets. -Here. -Make it a dime. Tony, are you up yet? How are you feeling? Had fucked-up dreams last night. Fever dreams. I shot this guy. He's a friend of mine. Now in real life, he does some things that annoy me. Every Christmas, he sends reports of what his nieces and nephews have done. Who got into West Point. Who got a hole in one. And he hums. TV commercials. Drives me fucking crazy. But he's one of my best guys. A terrific earner. So why the fuck would I do that? I was filled with-- -Anger. -Yeah, right. You know everything. You've never dealt with your anger. Look at the cost. You are the biggest threat to yourself. But that's what being human is. But some people are more self-destructive than others. -You gonna make me eat something now? -Maybe. -lf you keep this up. -No. I'm dying! I'm gonna cover you with this blanket, okay? -l don't want you to see me like this. -Oh, please. I'm fucking freezing! Your teeth are chattering. Want to go back into bed? You might as well just leave me here. Motherfucking fucking-- l think you have food poisoning. -Fucking dreams. Jesus Christ! -Oh, it's all right. It's all right. -Where is he? -Who? Pussy. Hey! What are you doing here? Finalize the menu. Oh, shit! I completely forgot! Tony had food poisoning all night, the poor guy. Oh, hey! It's not from my place! Was he at Vesuvio last night? Yeah, but I got an "A" rating. It's-- Of course. Nobody's saying. -ls that Artie? -Hey, Ton! Send him up! Go to sleep. You don't make any sense when you talk. Send him up! Oh, jeez! You picked up a bad one somewhere, huh? Somewhere? Out of consideration, I should dump those fucking mussels you gave me... -...before you cause an outbreak! -Whoa! I handpick all the shellfish myself! You smelling them as you pick them or are you staring off into space? Worrying about paying your fucking rent or whatever you worry about! -That's a serious allegation. -Nobody's gonna fucking sue you! This is what I'm saying! -Tony, you ate mussels? -Prince Edward Island. -Top of the line! -After a whole Indian dinner? You ate at an Indian restaurant? There you go. No, it was the mussels! They came up undigested! Then how could they be the cause? It's where my body shut down! Self-protection! You know what they cook with in Indian restaurants? Ghee. It's clarified butter. You get a rancid hit of that-- God! I mean, you can imagine. When Indira Gandhi got assassinated.. . ...I was watching when they broadcast the cremation. They doused the body and the funeral pyre... .. .in clarified butter just to get it burning. -You call Pussy? He had mussels too. -"Call Pussy." Some concern, maybe? I am! I feel very bad for him! Sal! It's Arthur Bucco. What the fuck? -Hello. -Hey, man, ít's Artíe. Yeah, I know. What's up? Listen, I'm at the Sopranos' house. Tony's green around the gills. Flu, I think. But maybe he ate something didn't agree with him. -What, food poisoning? -No. What, salmonella? No! But he had a reaction. You guys ate at an Indian restaurant. It would help if we knew. You have any symptoms? No. Well, once during the night, I did have a slight touch of diarrhea. -But that's all. It passed. -Nothing. Touch of diarrhea. -You motherfucker. -A touch! Nothing! Right, Puss? Not what Tony has. Like from bad shellfish or anything. Am I gonna get sick now? No! Did you guys eat the same thing at the Indian restaurant? Well, we both had the pappadams, but different courses. Both had the pappadams, different entrees. Stop talking about food. Okay, Puss. Yeah, I'm sorry to bother you. Okay, thanks a lot. Okay. I'm sorry, Tony, but I feel vindicated. I can't get off the boardwalk. I'm gonna call Dr. Cusamano. This is worrying me now. Poor son of a bitch. -Oh, what, you gotta go again? -Oh, just let me die! Come on. Come on, up, up, up! -Where we headed? -This way. Ladíes and gentlemen, soon we'll begín.. . .. .general boardíng of Flíght 129 wíth nonstop servíce to Tucson. We'd líke to board our fírst-class passengers... .. .and those wíth young chíldren and those requíríng assístance. -You can't understand a word they say. -Aw, go on! Livia Soprano? Oh, Pussy. Come on in. So. Who's your friend? Pussy? -l'm confused. -lsn't Pussy your friend? But that's the friend that was almost carried off by the ducks, right? The worst part of this is, it's one of those times I know I'm dreaming. Let's look at it. When you say "Pussy," you mean my friend Pussy.. . ...or, you know, pussy? Whatever seems to be dominating your thoughts. I got pussy on the brain. I always do. I want to fuck you. I always did. "Do." I said that the first time we met. -l find you immensely attractive. -Thought I repulsed you. You make an effort to repulse me. But you like that. You just said you find me attractive. You're the one that's fucked up. Anthony, Anthony. What are we gonna do with you? What's he smílíng at? No, he's gritting his teeth. He's freezing. Tony. Hey, guy. Not feeling too good, huh? -l'm dying! -Oh, no. You got a case of E. coli or campylobacter. But you'll be fine. -Let me die! -Should we maybe go to the hospital? -Nothing we'd do. -Pump his stomach? Not with this. He should suck ice chips. It's good for the fever. Keeps him hydrated. -Anyhoo.... -Fucking ragheads! I don't think so, Tony. Those spices kill microbial agents. Very smart. That fucking Artie Bucco then! Meadow's graduation is tomorrow. Hey, Tont How's it going? -You didn't get sick? -Nah. -How much you weigh? -Eight pounds. -Lost a lot of weight. -Swimming. The best exercise. Works every muscle group. Get the fuck out of here. You never exercised once. Anyway, I'm q4 a pound. You know I've been working with the government, right? Don't say it. Come on, Ton. Sooner or later, you gotta face facts. Linda. I'm Detective Hanadarko. I'm working your case with Detective Stillwater. He's on his way to Baptist to talk to you. I... had to get out of there. Can you take my statement? - Sure. - I just- - I want to get it over with. They were black. They had on ski masks. The one who raped me smelled like beer. Well, let's start at the beginning, yesterday morning. Um, Roland and I walked the track at McGinnis. What time? Um, 5:30. We do that on the mornings I stay o... ver. We got home at around 7:00. Did you see a car parked on the street, anything unusual? No. Did you pull into the driveway? Into the garage. - We went in through the kitchen. - And did you pull down the garage door? I... think so. He always does. Yeah, the button by the kitchen door. Yeah. And you went inside? I heard something behind us. I turned. I got hit in the face, fell down. Roland started fighting and yelling. One of them had a gun. And they tied Roland up, taped his mouth, my mouth. Did they have on gloves? Like doctors wear. Roland was struggling and... He closed his eyes when the one on me, he pulled my pants down and raped me. Then they dragged me over and tied me to Roland. They took a safe. - Do you know what was in it? - I didn't- - I didn't know Roland had a safe. - When they left, did you hear a car start up? - No. We were trying to get out of the ropes. Roland tried so hard. I - I was waiting for the housekeeper. I could see the clock, and-- And-- and she comes at noon. But she didn't come. I could hear the whole day go by, just people and cars. - You need to take a break. - After a while, Roland stopped breathing. And he got r-really heavy. He got so heavy. And it got dark. Why didn't Casey come? - She always comes on time. - She came yesterday and found you. How did you meet Roland? I'm a... checker at Sam's Market? Express lane, usually. Roland would come in two or three times a day, always with 12 items or less. Finally, I said, "Sir, if you'd combine your purchases, you wouldn't have to come in so often." "Then I wouldn't get to see you", he said. How long were you dating? Almost a year. We were talking about getting married. We need a fingerprint, something that puts these bastards at the scene. No match in the system from the rape kit, and not getting any prints, and you can get this stuff at any hardware store. But-- But you got something better. 9 inch piece of rope from Mr. Tupton's body... has a dark, greasy substance embedded in the manila fiber. Substance is totally inconsistent with anything else at the scene. So... it's highly possible that it was transferred from one of the suspects to the rope. It's being analyzed. You're welcome. This type of rope used in the four previous home invasions... is 3/8-inch polyblend. Rope used in the Tupton murder is 3/8-inch pure manila. They could have run out of rope, bought some more. Not just the type-- It's the knots. First four robberies, suspects used square knots, - your basic boy scout. - Little boy scouts gone bad. Tupton and Hall were tied with several simple half hitches, and a brownie would be embarrassed to tie someone up like that. Shit. We got different M.O.s Saying we got a copycat? Got some inconsistencies in the M.O. We don't know yet. - Yeah, the rope, the knot, and the rape. - Everything else matches. - Still no word from Tupton's son. - You know what was taken? Just the safe, Linda's, uh, purse, his wallet. Linda said he probably had about $500 cash. Was Tupton wealthy? He sold his plumbing-supply company a few years ago for just under a half a million dollars. Still owed on his house. Paid his mortgage every month in cash. No bank account. Shit. That safe is full of cash. - Shit! - What? - Birds! - Payback's a bitch, ain't it? - I can't work with birds! - What's your problem with birds? I hate them, man! Bobby, get them out of there! Now! I'm serious! Can the birds wait until we talk to Russle Tupton? He just called. Dad wasn't gonna marry Linda. He was just having fun. - Well, Linda said they were talking marriage. - Maybe they were. I don't- - I don't know. Your dad see anything unusual past couple of weeks-- Strange cars in his neighborhood, anything? My dad was a moose. I know he fought back. Whoever did this, they got some bruises. - Your dad put up a hell of a fight. - He didn't have a bad heart. He must have just-- He just got so upset. I can't believe they tied him up like that. They left him- - They left him tied up. A safe was stolen. Do you know what was inside? Figure legal papers... - Money. I don't know. - He have a lot of money? I don't know. Your dad doesn't have a bank account. He got it all out last year when those banks went under. I take you back to your dad's house, you think you can tell what's missing? - Guess. Yeah. - Do you know Casey Dillon? - College girl cleans dad's house? - She didn't show up yesterday. Is that unusual? I don't know her schedule or anything. She comes a couple times a week. - Were you out of town yesterday? - I was sick. This 24-hour bug. I didn't get your messages till this morning. - Anything else missing? - No, um, but Roland Tupton, his son, - is a couple hundred-thousand dollars in debt. - Shit, does he have a job? Yeah, he's got a great one, man. He makes over 100 grand a year. But he lives in an apartment. No assets. His car just got repossessed. Bobby's talking to his neighbors. - Drugs? - Gambling, porn, something. - We got to get Casey back in here. - I already called her. You know what? Google "OKC home-invasion robberies". Got to be a blueprint for a copycat. Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Oh, God! Oh, man! Get it off! Please! Oh! Oh! I'm here. The hard-boiled eggs are here. Grace is not here. - Why are you laughing? - Hungry baby bird. Ham ran out of here screaming like a little girl. - Listen, I got to bail on lunch. - Okay. You want me to bring you something? No, I'm good. I'll see you later. - Where were we? - Two bulls's-eyes in a row. - Are you some kind of dart hustler? - I have never played like this in my life. Seriously. I bet you can't hit another. Yeah, I bet you're right. What are we betting? A soda. How about this? You lose, you buy me a soda. You win, - I give you this lotto ticket. - All right, now you're talking. Oh-ho-ho-ho! Pretty good! Come on, that's pretty good! Whoo-hoo-hoo! It's probably worthless, but you never know. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Amen. A lottery ticket? $1,000? Ham Dewey. He's strong as an ox. I didn't know they sold condoms by the bulk. You're trespassing, Matthew. Poaching. Time you moved along. Looks like you could use a little help with Hanadarko. The people around her need some intervention, too. You think I don't know what you're doing? You want to change Grace to puff yourself up, pass your review. Let me tell you something, Matthew. God made her right just the way she is. Oh. She doesn't need you, hmm? She's perfect? Yes. In her imperfection. Just like every other human walked this earth. And let me tell you something else. Saving one Grace Hanadarko, ain't gonna erase a million lost souls. Yeah, you're right, man. But it'll bust me back in the game with a grand slam! 4,000 years, you finally like sports. Maybe I'm better for Grace than you are. There ain't nothing you can do for Grace that I can't. Sounds like you've got some pride issues, Earl. It's not about your ego-- It's about her soul! You and me known each other since this world was a ball of hot mud. So we both know who has the problem with pride. Now get out! And stay away from Grace! - Hey. - Hi. Victim's son had a neighbor feed his cat Monday and Tuesday night. - Said he was going out of town. - Did he? He wasn't home sick. - Where did these come from? - They just showed up. No card. Along with those. No activity on either victim's credit card. Why steal a credit card if you're not gonna use them? Yeah, I mean, you got to use them the first couple of hours when you know the victim's still tied up. This thing's off, man. I don't know what we got. Have a seat, "C". - So, you have class today? - Tonight. Casey, if you're gonna tell lies, don't pick something I can check out with a phone call. - I don't know what you mean. - You aren't in school this semester. I'm auditing classes. Okay, what class are you auditing Tuesday at noon? - Post-renaissance art. - And who's your teacher? What's going on, Casey? How come you dropped out of school? - You got no money for tuition? - Daddy got sick, so I'm helping out. How's he doing? Drinking. Weighs less than I do soaking wet. Daddy talks about you all the time. Says you were best friends. Yeah, we had a lot of fun in high school. I've seen pictures. You had a mullet. Yeah. Did you and my dad really get so drunk one night you left me in a bar? Yeah, we realized halfway home, went back and got you. Drove home. We could have killed you, all of us, someone else. God was looking after us. Look, talk to me, Casey. This thing got out of control. Okay, you need money. You were desperate. You read about the home invasions. You got a couple friends. You didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. I want a lawyer. Were you and her dad good friends? A long time ago. Lug. We called him "Lug". You know, he got this girl pregnant. He was so happy. She took off when, uh, Casey was a couple months old. And Lug did the best he could, you know. What's with these flowers? Nobody knows. I haven't seen him in 17, 18 years. - Casey was a baby. - She's an adult now. - Yeah. - And she's lying. Russle Tupton's lying. I got a telephonic warrant for Russle's bank account. On Tuesday, he had 16 bucks. Yesterday, he made a $14,000 cash deposit. Dumbass. Casey made a $2,000 deposit yesterday. - Think they're hooked up? - Both needed money, both knew about the safe. Couldn't pull it off themselves. Hired a couple guys to do it. Copycat the home invasion M.O. - Guys went further than they wanted. - Where did they find the guys? Hanadarko. Yeah. Well, how you know that? Matters to me. There's a rewar-- Guy says the home-invasion suspects are gonna hit 2531 Penbrook at 3:00 this afternoon. How did they get your cell number? Shit. That was right on top of us. - You want to follow that up? - Grace, this came for you. Thanks, man. Uh... Let robbery take it. We got to connect Russle and Casey. Shit! Hey. Did you send me flowers? Earl told me you liked irises. - You know Earl? - For a long time. A real long time. We got the same boss. - What does that mean? - You know what it means. Prove it. - I already gave you a freebie. - The anonymous call. That was you. You're welcome. So, I go to 2531 Penbrook, and I close my case. Half your case. Other half comes if you make the right choice. - What are my options? - You can only have one angel. Let me ask you something, Grace. What do you want out of life? Anything. Anything at all, man. It can be yours, if you give yourself over to God. - What's the catch? - No catch. Anything you want. 100 million bucks for my friend. Rhetta. I gave her a lotto ticket a few hours ago. Could be the big one, if you play your cards right. The drawing's tomorrow. Think about it. Anonymous tip-- Right on the money. We caught them following our decoy in through the garage. Ski masks, rope. This is too easy. Items in their van. Robbery says they match the... property stolen from the first four... Invasions. What about number five? There's nothing in here from Roland or Linda. Those two guys-- Do they have an alibi for Tuesday morning? It's bullshit. Yeah. But they both offered their DNA, said they didn't rape anybody. - What do you think? - I think we solved our home invasions. Still have an open rape-and-murder case. Hey, man. That, uh, anonymous tip-- You recognize the voice? Nah. Nah, I figure, you know, someone I busted. Gonna use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card one day. - You said, uh,you caught the guys. - Where were you Tuesday morning? Your neighbor Donna fed your cat, said that you weren't home sick. - I was in Las Vegas. - And why didn't you tell us that? I gamble, and I'm in debt, and the last place I should be is Vegas. - You go with Casey? - What? ! No! - You guys got a thing going? - Hey. She cleans my dad's house. - What-- what's going on? - How much money did you win in Vegas? - I did okay. - 14 grand? Look, what's your game? What do you play? You're gonna-- You're gonna be on video. So it's a perfect alibi. I need an alibi? I didn't have anything to do with what happened to my dad and Linda, and I'm not telling you where the money came from. - It came from your dad's safe! - No, it didn't. You were upset your dad was gonna marry Linda, spend his money on her, when you needed it. - He wasn't gonna marry her. - You don't like Linda, do you? A half-his-age gold-digger grocery clerk? No. I don't like her. But I sure as hell didn't rape her and tie her up to my dad. Why don't you ask her how much money he had? She was always getting him to open up that thing. He said he felt like an ATM machine. Linda didn't even know Roland had a safe. - Russle says she did. - The guy's lying through his teeth. - Yeah, he lawyered up, too. - He needs one. Why won't he tell you where he got the 14 grand? Phone dump has all kinds of calls between Casey and Russle. 11 calls last week. - They all stop Monday night. - Well, the caper was Tuesday morning. They had to be face-to-face for the final meeting. - We got to find the guys they hired. - Is Linda positive they were both black? Yeah. First thing tomorrow, we bring Casey and Russle back in. Hey. You know an angel named Matthew? Yeah. - So, what's the deal? - Well, I got some competition. Jealous? It don't matter how you find God. Me, Matthew- - It's all the same. He said I could have anything I want. You never said that. Looks to me like you got all the stuff you need. Yeah. Come on. Well, what do you want? Peace on earth. - Can he give me that? - Got to ask him. - Right now I want a beer. Will you get me a beer? - Sure. First thing I'd want is for Gus never to die. And Clay. And Rhetta. Everyone I love. Well, what happens to all them when you're dead? Chips, too, please. And I-- I don't want them ever to get sick... Or get hurt. What's the second thing? A lifetime sideline pass to O.U. Football games. You wouldn't want to ask to win every game? Interesting. Yes. But I wouldn't want to know the score. - Matthew offer to solve all your cases? - Yeah. - How come he can solve them and you can't? - It's more like "I won't". Well, maybe I'll hang out with Matthew for a while. Okay. "Okay"? Just like that? Well, it's always been your decision, Grace. Always will be. - Some guy give you a lotto ticket yesterday? - No. But I won a lotto ticket... from some guy yesterday. - Why? - What did he look like? Can't remember. Was it Earl? - No. He's another angel. - What? He's another angel. He's trying to get me to dump Earl. - I don't understand. - I don't either. You have two angels fighting over you. - You are not dumping Earl! - Where's the lotto ticket? How much is the jackpot? $180 million. I switch to Matthew, you got the winning ticket, and you have $180 million. - Not so easy now, is it, missy? - He's bribing you. Yeah, but I got to turn my life over to God first. - That's not right. - Shit, God bribed Moses! "Part the Red Sea, whatever, I'll give you a shitload of descendants." - Not exactly. - What about Solomon? - God bribed him with something. - God came to Solomon in a dream, told him if he trusted in him, he could have anything he wants. Solomon asked for wisdom. Lucky for that baby. You gonna turn your life over to God? - Have you? - Many times. When my mom had the stroke. When Todd was born, I lost all that blood. I just remember thinking, "My baby's fine. I'm in your hands." - You think you could ever do that? - What if I turn Buddhist, believed in that? Earl says he's fine with it. What would you do? Okay. First, I'd laugh. At you. Not Buddhism. Then I'd go to temple with you. What do you think I'd do? - Freak out. - Yeah, maybe for a minute. - Then I'd get over it. - The crazy stuff on the rope- - What is it? - Just got it back. - Theatrical makeup. It is consistent with theatrical makeup. Ham's old friend's a drama student at O.U. Grace! I choose Earl. Okay, Casey is a drama student. We found theatrical makeup on the rope used to tie up Roland Tupton. - It's not mine. - You tell your attorney you lied to us? She told me everything, and there's a very simple explanation. Well, not so simple, but truthful. - Let's hear it. - We'll tell you hypothetically. It is not gonna be hypothetical when I arrest Casey for murder. I didn't do this. I promise. Please let me explain. Okay. Hypothetically. This girl, hypothetically, works this one job for 24 hours each month and makes more money, than she does at her regular job in eight weeks. Hypothetically, is the work this girl does illegal? Her work? No. She's a hypothetical waitress for a bunch of hypothetical politicians, judges, and Oklahoma City big shots, who get together once a month for 24 hours to play cards... in a confidential, hypothetical, high-stakes marathon poker tournament. So one might assume this girl is afraid she'd lose this job, and break a promise she made not to tell anyone that these... hypothetical hypocrites get together to drink and gamble. How did this young college student find out about this job? From the son of the man of whose house she used to clean. And hypothetically, does that... son participate in this high-stakes poker game? Yes. All right. Let's get away from hypotheticals. Casey, what do you think of Linda? Casey and Russle were at the poker tournament from Monday night... till Early Wednesday morning. - They still could have hired someone to do it. - Russle's take was 14 grand. - Casey earned $2,000 in tips. - Got to get Linda back in here. Casey said Linda absolutely knew about the safe, and that Tupton paid Casey in cash every Friday. She said that Linda was there when he opened up the safe. - She even asked for money sometimes. - The woman was raped. Shit, that's what's been bugging me. That's a woman's sweater, and those are women's shoes. And she told me she didn't even know there was a safe there. How do we know they're Linda's? - We got to be real careful. - Yeah. To believe she staged her own rape and sent herself into a diabetic coma? - She thought Casey was gonna show up. - Linda was traumatized. She wasn't faking it. Maybe she was acting. Theatrical makeup. Hey! Shit, sorry. I thought I should come back to work. Mind if we talk to your friend? Their subtle way of giving us some privacy. Thanks, man. Oh, yeah. You look good. You look good. It's really hard. I called that number you gave me, the-- The Rape Crisis Center. Thank you. Who did you talk to? I - I know all the volunteers. Uh, I can't remember. - Well, did you get some good advice? - Yeah. It was her idea, I should come back to work. Did she give you any insight w- what might have caused him to rape you? Um, in the other home invasions, no one was raped. I thought maybe she talked about what might have set him off. Because I fought back. She said that turns some guys on. - It sounds like you had a good talk. - Yeah. It's good. It's good. You're getting on with your life, you know. You're back at work. Do you do community theater? Did I see you downtown in "Bye Bye Birdie"? Oh! Gosh! - That was, like, five years ago. - You were great! I... I saw the news. And I heard you caught 'em. Um, - am I gonna have to testify? - Is he one of them? - What? - You got some white guy to join in, had him put on blackface, thought Roland was gonna be alive to confirm your story? What are you-- You didn't talk to anyone at the Rape Crisis Center. They never give advice. They're volunteers. They listen. They refer you to a psychologist for advice. And she sure as hell would never blame the victim. - Number-one rule. - I almost died. Yeah. You thought Casey would be there at noon. Had your boyfriend rape you to make it really look good. We take his DNA, match it to your rape kit, find your prints on the safe you didn't know was there, that's all we'd need. - I can't believe this. - Well, I can't either. Linda confessed. But then her boyfriend gave us their partner. So, what do you think? The boyfriend gets a couple of less weeks in prison? Hey, Gracie. You hear about the lotto drawing? - Rhetta missed out. - What's going on? Earl never stops time for you? Does he ever take you anywhere? Yeah. Grand Canyon and Greece. I'll bet you'd love Madrid. Let's go. I'll take you anywhere you want to go. Just give in to God, whatever that means to you. - Where's Earl? - Malaysia. I solved my case without you. Let's go celebrate. I'm gonna celebrate with my friends. You want me to be waiting for you when you get home? Okay, get ready. These are the best buttermilk pancakes... ever to tiptoe their way past your taste buds. Where you come up with this shit-- "Tiptoe past my taste buds"? It's the crispy edges. Wondered why you wanted to meet in Purcell for pancakes. How did you find this place? Used to bring coma girl here before she was coma girl. So, back then. You'd sit down, order pancakes, look across the table, and call her... By her name. Which was? Stealing names with milk when you got a mouthful of pancakes just ain't right, Grace. - What's her name? - I can't tell you. - You told me Leon Cooley's name. - Well, that was part of God's plan. How do you know part of God's plan is not to give me her name? Coma girl gets shot, wakes up, exits stage left. Don't give me her name, and I'll drink all your milk. Neely. - Can we help you? - Ronnie. What are you doing? Shit! Grace. Grace, stop. It was nothing. It was our first kiss. - That was no first kiss. - It was. I swear. - That's Stella, remember? Our auctioneer. - I know who she is. - Grace, let me explain what happened. - I know what happened. You just destroyed the heart of the kindest person I've ever known. Come on, Grace. What are you doing? Oh, shit, Grace! Stop! - I'm calling the police. - Good. When they get here, make sure and tell them... you're screwing the woman who sold everything of value your wife ever loved. -= S03E07 =- -= "That Was No First Kiss" =- -= Timecodes by gius =- Ronald Alberto Rodriguez. Date of birth-- 8/12/64. Yeah. Phoned up. All recent credit-card activity. Thanks. - What did you decide? - I have to tell her. - Any idea what you're gonna say? - No. She's never loved anyone else. Never been with anyone else. Well, here she comes. I wish this wasn't happening... to Rhetta or you. - How do I tell her? - With love. But you already knew that. - Hey. - You have to come with me. - What's going on? - Just get in. Tell me what's going on, Grace. Are you okay? Just tell me. I saw Ronnie kissing another woman. What? What did you say? I saw Ronnie kissing the woman from your farm auction- - Stella. What are you saying? What are you trying to tell me? Are you telling me you saw Ronnie kissing Stella? At a Pancake House in Purcell this morning at 6:30. - Ronnie had a job interview in Henrietta. - He was in Purcell. - Did he see you? - Yeah. He said it was their first kiss. Was it? It didn't look like it to me. Bobby's back at the office with the victim's great-grandson. Been waiting on you and Grace. You want to show up some time today? What's the matter-- you scared all alone at a crime scene? Victim's name-- Victor Eli. Found by his great-grandson Troy Eli this morning around 7:00. 911 call came in at 7:03. - How long? - M.E. said 15 hours. So yesterday afternoon. Sunday around 5:00. Troy said his Papaw lived alone and he came over to have pancakes. Pancakes? Man, how old's Troy? 19, but he said every Monday morning, they ate pancakes together. Checked the doors, windows, garage-- No sign of break-in, no sign of struggle. - He's still got his watch. - And his wallet has 42 bucks inside. - Is the canvass still out? - Yeah. Oh, geez. Those are burn marks. - Yeah, shot at close range. - Executed. I'm gonna head back to the office, hook up with Bobby. Hey, Carter. You know a 9-letter word, starts with a "P", ends with a "K"... clue's "a flower rooster"? Victor Eli did. Papaw didn't like talking much. He told me, in 99 years, a man's already said everything he needs to say. But, you know, that's not true. He was still writing letters... real letters with stamps. - I wish I still had mine. - Troy... - do you know if Victor had plans last night? - I doubt it. He goes to bed at about 7:00. What about you-- You go out last night? No, sir. - I was at the dorm doing homework. - Your parents-- - They live nearby? - They live in Dallas. Moved there about a year ago. Papaw and me are the only ones left in Oklahoma. - What made you decide to come back up? - I wanted to go to O.U.... be around Papaw. A 99-year-old man. He must have needed a lot of help. Sometimes. He stopped driving, last year, so... me and Mrs. Cook next door, we get his groceries. But he cooks. He's a great cook. He does his own laundry... even does crossword puzzles. Then... like... he'd forget how to turn on the radio. Are you sure you don't want me to come back? Okay, I'm going to work. Call me if you need anything. I get that you want to be alone. I get that. I just have three things I want to say. First, I love you. Second, I love you. Third, I will always love you. Detective Ada said you came over for pancakes this morning. Yeah. Every Monday morning we'd go over all his Sunday's games-- How much he bet, if he was up or down. If Papaw won money, he'd make the pancakes. And if he lost, I'd make them. - Who did he make the bets with? - His bookie. - You got a name? - No, sir, but... I know his bookie came over every Sunday evening. - Have you talked to Grace? - Why? What are you doing? Are you... packing my clothes and kicking me out of the apartment? I'm, uh... doing laundry. Give me your shirt. The one you're wearing. Give it to me, or I swear I'll rip it off. - Can we talk about it? - Not now. It was just a kiss. Mrs. Cook next door told Butch that, every Sunday evening, Victor has a visitor-- Um, drives a black BMW, white guy, 60s, kind of big. His bookie. She also said that, uh, Troy takes advantage of Victor-- You know, Troy buys his groceries and then takes half home for himself. That's a letter from Troy when he was 11. He wanted to borrow money to get his dirt bike fixed. - Is everything okay? - Yeah. - Is Rhetta okay? - No. How come they sent Carter instead of Rhetta? - Rhetta's busy. - Doing what? Okay, okay, it's just, you know... female problems. He was gonna be 100 years old tomorrow. "Dear Papaw, hope you have a day as wonderful as you are. "Guess what. I got my eyebrow pierced. Love, your great-granddaughter, Emily." - You sure you're okay? - I'm sure. Bullshit. The phone rang earlier. When I said hello, they hung up. Hello? - Hey, Rhetta. - Hey. - Carter around? - Haven't seen her. - What are you working on? - Wife who kills her cheating husband. - He deserved it. - What happened? It doesn't matter what happened. He cheated on her. Hey, why do men cheat? - Would you be okay if Marissa cheated on you? - No, I wouldn't be okay. - But you wouldn't kill her? - I wouldn't kill her. There's Carter. Carter, Bobby needs you! I have never known a bookie who thought the best way to collect on a bad debt... was with a dead body, so, who else might be our killer? Troy Eli was arrested for petty theft twice in the past year. Carter found his fingerprints on every drawer in Victor Eli's desk. - Grace is looking for a life-insurance policy. - Maybe Troy was, too. Beneficiaries won't be his wife and children. He outlived all of them. - Remaining family's spread out. - Except for Troy. I got a hit on an unsolved murder, three years ago in Tulsa. It's the same M.O.-- Elderly female victim. Shot to the back of the head. - Firearms running ballistics? - Yeah, and the victim's daughter is coming in. - She wants to help out any way she can. - All right, what else? Victor Eli's phone records only has two numbers-- One is Troy's, the other he called every day, sometimes a couple times a day. - Could be his bookie. - Listed to a warehouse in Midwest City. - We're gonna head down and check it out. - Let's make sure Troy lives at the dorm. Check with his roommate, see if he was, uh, doing homework last Sunday night. * Time after time * * I tell myself that I'm * * So lucky * * To be loving you * * So lucky to be * * The one you run to see * * In the evening * * When the day is through * * I only know what I know * * The passing years will show * * You kept my love so young * * So new * * And time after time * * You'll hear me say that I'm * * So lucky to be loving you * Hello? Who is this? - Who is this? - Let me talk to Victor Eli. 246? Is he okay? Is he hurt? Why? Hang up the goddamn phone! Shit. Here you go. Thank you. Yeah. Suddenly, uh... three years ago feels like... - three days ago. - Yeah, I'm sure it does. Um, so the cops in Tulsa, they sent over your mom's file. That's my mom. She, uh-- She used to train dogs. - Everyone's but her own, of course. - Yeah. Only thing I can get my dog to do is eat. Well, my mom used to say that dogs are not man's best friend-- We're theirs. Um, your mom, she withdrew $50,000 from her bank account... April 3rd-- three months before she was killed. Yeah, the cops thought that she, uh, was a gambling addict. - Was she? - No. Look, she'd lay down some bets every now and then, but so do I. Right. - Like, I lost big last year against Florida. - Yeah. So did I, man. - I mean, big to me-- 200 bucks. - I lost 100 bucks. But your mom, did she gamble big? My mom lived big. This number here, the one that's circled. That was, uh... - to a bookie that your mom used to place bets? - Yeah. The, um- - The cops never found him. He used an alias. I'm- - I'm so sorry. It's just something that-- Happens at noon every day. The churches in England started it. Yeah, they rang the bells so that the people-- Would pray for the soldiers at war. - You know about this. - Yeah, yeah. My brother Rafe-- He-- I used to pray for him. - I'm so sorry. - Oh, it's-- yeah. You still have someone there who, uh, you pray for? It's my cousin, Chandler. He's, uh, on his third tour. He's a... chopper pilot. Chandler. All right, well, I'll pray for him. So, um... What-- what-- what can you tell me about this? * Why pretend? * * I know there's someone else * * Looks like I fell in love * * By myself * * Baby, I thought love was more than this * * Why pretend, why pretend, why pretend? * * Why pretend? * * Forget this masquerade * * This game we're playing's a game of charades * * I thought we'd stay home * * And play house instead * * Why pretend, why pretend, why pretend? * * Fool me once, fool me twice * * Love isn't just some roll of the dice * * Treat me good, treat me kind * * Baby, you'll drive me out of my mind * * Why pretend? * * Baby, I've got some pride * * Took my heart on a carnival ride * * This lover's lane is a lover's dead end * * Why pretend, why pretend, why pretend? * * Fool me once, fool me twice * * Love isn't just some roll of the dice * * Treat me good, treat me kind * - Looking for Carter? - Yeah. And you. You were right. Ronnie lied. He told me he had three job interviews in Henrietta this week. These are the shirts he wore. I found the same perfume on all three shirts. - What did you find out? - I dumped his phone. - I know he's been calling her. - He has. I thought they were talking about the auction. - What else? - Ran his credit cards. No motels, hotels, or flowers. - What about her? - No criminal record. Full name is Stella Holmes. Three kids. Second marriage to Bernard Holmes, owner of Holmes Canton Auction Company. How old is she? - My guess is 40. - She's 32. Almost like it never happened. - Daughter of the Tulsa victim? - Yeah- - Renee. - She give us anything? - Her mom gambled, too. You see this... part written in green? It's called an exotic bet. I guess you can bet on any crazy thing you want. She put down 50 grand at 6 to 1, hoping for a $300,000 payoff... that Carrie Underwood would win best new country artist of the year? 50 grand's exactly how much she withdrew three months before she was murdered. A bet like that with those odds- - Either a novice bookie looking to make a quick 50 grand... and run or a bookie never planning on paying off the bet in the first place. What is going on out there? - I got the warehouse number. - Where you going with this? Just follow my lead. The last time I did that, I ended up peeing off the side of a bridge. Thanks for coming in, guys. Each piece of paper being passed out... Hey, Morty. How are you doing, man? ...has a phone number printed on it. If you recognize this number... you'll know why we're asking. So come see us. We'll tell you how you can help. Hey. Hello, dude. Hey, dad. I brought you something. Eh, come here. - Ah, good to see you. - You, too. - Have you eaten? - Yeah. - Yeah? Can you stay a while? - I'm on the job, pops. Sure. I understand. But I was thinking. Because of your old area of expertise, maybe you could help me out. Yeah, sure. What do you got? We're looking for a bookie. We think he might have some information or a lead? - Well, I haven't seen a bookie in a while. - I know. - I haven't, son. - I know. We came across a bank of telephones in an empty warehouse. Yeah? What else should we be looking for? - Hey. - I'm helping on the Carter case. Have you and Kendra talked about infidelity? - What? - Infidelity. Cheating-- sex with someone that's not you or her. How do you feel about infidelity? - I don't like it. - Think it's a deal breaker? - Is everything okay? - Everything's fine. You sure? Okay, what do we got? Troy was right. Most of his family does live in the great state of Texas. Guess somebody has to. I also talked with the residential advisor at Troy's dorm. Troy doesn't have a roommate. Can't confirm if he was studying Sunday night, but she doesn't remember seeing him around. Grace found exactly $47,600, all in $100 bills... all found in books on page 246. Got to be his client number. Didn't want to forget it. And he closed his bank account when his wife died 12 years ago. Well, a man that age lived through the depression, the run on the banks. I checked the dates on those bills. They're all new. What he hasn't been doing is putting bills in his mattress since the 1930s. I checked with social security. Victor Eli hasn't had a job in almost 40 years. - How did it go? - Good, went back to the warehouse... - to take another look at the phones. - They're all gone. Exactly what my informant said would happen. There are two buildings in the area... where someone could have seen us enter the warehouse- - One here, the other there. This one was dusty, dirty, like it had been empty for months. That one still had phones, furniture, even a coffeemaker. They also left this behind. Rice paper. One second, it's there... - the next, it's not. - Kind of like trust. Heather, are you okay? Do you need help? Talk to me. I can help. - Grace? - Yeah. - Supper yet? - No. - What's all this? - Victor Eli's life... in letters, unbelievable letters, and pictures. - What about his life-insurance policy? - Haven't found one yet. Look at this. Couldn't be more than 18, you know. And this is when he came home from World War II. He was already in love with Alice, just didn't know it yet. - Alice his wife? - Married 58 years. - 58 years? - Yeah. Geez. He's got that... John Wayne thing going on, doesn't he? Is that ribs I smell? Oh, yeah, and corn bread, greens, and beans. This woman who keeps calling... She hangs up. She's worried. She knows something happened to Victor. - Think she knows the killer? - Maybe. I think her name's Heather. I think this is her and her fiancé. I think she answers the phone when Victor places his bets. - We know anything about him? - Only that he took her to the Eiffel Tower... you know, to propose. Check out the other one. Got to be his client number. Yeah. Mine's 415. I may have called this number once or twice. Shit. Shit. You're looking for Big Gil. He's been my bookie for two years. I don't know Heather. - What do you want me to do? - Pass me a napkin. Damn, girl. This case goes to trial and goes public, your ass is in shit's creek. Let me worry about that, all right? So, what do I do, man? Make a bad bet. We bust whoever comes to collect. Make them roll, you know. All right, sounds easy. Like the good old days. Big Gil's been so lucky for me, man. You know, I paid off my car... with what I won betting the over/under on Obama. Troy paid cash for a 2008 Mustang. No. Troy's parents paid cash, not him. I'm just saying this whole Eli family-- They got a bunch of cash lying around. What? Because they bought Troy a car before they went to Dallas, that makes them suspicious? - It makes their son suspicious. - Why? Because he sold it. Troy sold his brand-new Mustang for 5 grand. New Mustang for 5 grand? Come on. Why does he need cash so bad? - Drugs? - Man, he's a college student. Books. What about DNA? Maybe he's a gambler like his Papaw. - Where's Grace? - Oh, she's probably home by now. May I ask you something? - Me? - You. What's up? Why did you cheat on Darleen? - Answer me. - Here? Why did you cheat on your wife? - Shit, Rhetta, I-- - Was it because you didn't love her? - No. - Why, then? Why did you do it? Because I love Grace. I'll talk to you later. All right, bye. - Rhetta okay? - I don't know. She didn't seem okay. - I don't know. - What did she say? - She asked me why I cheated on Darleen. - She asked me why men cheat. She asked me what I'd do if Kendra cheated. - Shit. - Shit. Shit. Anything we can do? Yo. - Hey. - Hi. - Everything okay? - Yeah. - I'm heading back to Shawnee. - Right, yeah. I was thinking about going to have a cup of coffee. - For the road. - Yeah. You know, I see you as a dark-roast kind of guy. You feel like a cup? Yeah, but I got... too much here, you know? Yeah. Sure. Um... if you need anything... any more help... Hey, Ramsey, about this letter you wrote Victor Eli... I got a few more questions to go over. You got my number. Call as soon as you can. "I'm sorry, Papaw, but I think Troy may have taken something from you-- Money you hid in your sofa." How can you live with yourself? Do you have any idea how much pain you've caused... What? What happened? ...how many marriages you've damaged... all because you don't care if the men you sleep with are married? ! Well, now you have to care, Grace. We both have to care. Because now it's happened to me... and it hurts! I am in so much pain, I can't breathe. I can't... pray. And I can't love you... knowing this is how you make other women feel. No. You have to stop. You have to promise me this will never happen again. I promise. You'll never have another relationship with a married man. I promise. And you won't let me go through this by myself. I promise, I promise. Why did he do this? I don't know. I don't know. What did I do? * Time after time * * I tell myself that I'm * * So lucky * * To be loving you * * So lucky to be loving you * Big Gil? Boy, was he surprised to find out I didn't sell insurance. What bet did you end up making? Bought half a point, which doubled the juice on a three-way teaser. - Thanks for coming in, Troy. - No problem. - Let's go in here. - I need to wait a minute. - You need to wait a minute? - Yes, sir. For my lawyer. - Why do you need a lawyer, Troy? - Hey, Troy. I'm Talicia Hill. I'm representing Mr. Eli. I understand you want to speak with him. - Tell us about your cousin Ramsey. - Why? You don't get to ask questions, Troy. You just answer them. If you have a specific question, we'll answer it. Troy did not kill his great-grandfather. I bet if Troy thinks about it long enough, he'll remember it was his cousin Ramsey... who knew about the money he stole from their Papaw's couch. So, Mr. Gilmore, you've been around the block a few times-- A little extortion here, some bookmaking there. It even says something about a parking ticket, doesn't it, Detective Dewey? I don't have any goddamn parking tickets. - What do you know about Victor Eli? - Victor? Why? Client 246. Lucky bastard or good. Never could figure it out. He almost cleaned me out in '94. - When was the last time you saw him? - Sunday, about 5:00, 5:30. Collected 2 grand. He'd had a shitty day. We know you took his money, Troy. We just don't know how much. But we have a pretty good idea. According to your bank records, you deposited $31,000 two months ago. - About the time Ramsey wrote this letter. - I was gonna tell him. Troy. I'm an asshole. I was gonna tell him. I was gonna pay him back every cent. Why y'all care so much about Victor Eli? - For Christ's sakes, he's 99 years old. - That's why we care, Big Gil. What, you think I'm taking advantage of him? That man is smart. He knows what he's doing. I mean, if the guy wants to make a bet, why not just let him? You know what this is? I'd say someone bet $50,000 to win $300,000. - One of yours? - No. - How can you be so sure? - I don't do exotics. Some bookies do. I don't. Exotics, futures-- Not my style. I lost $20,000 out at the track. - You ever use a bookie? - I hate paying the 10% vig. So you just stole from you 99-year-old great-grandfather. Anyone do that, why not put a bullet in the back of his head? No. No, sir. I swear. Troy wanted to come clean about the money. He understands he has a problem, but he did not kill Victor Eli. I didn't. He was the sweetest old man who ever lived. So, here's the deal, Big Gil. - You still drive a black '95 BMW E36 M3? - Yeah. Because this unpaid ticket, the one you said you didn't have... puts your car in Tulsa two days before the murder of this 75-year-old woman. She was murdered one night after she won $300,000 off of that exotic bet. - What's any of this got to do with me? - It's got a lot to do with your future. I wasn't in Tulsa, and I didn't accept that bet. Who else drives your car besides you? Your son. We want to talk to your order-taking clerks. - Fine by me. - Mind if we start with Heather? I don't know about you, but... I need to look somebody in the eye when I talk to them. Phone calls are tough. It's hard to know the truth. I'm Detective Hanadarko. I don't care about you taking bets. I only care about who killed client 246. You know who-- Who client 246 is, don't you? - Let me hear you say his name. - Victor Eli. - He called you every day, didn't he? - Yes, ma'am. You guys must have gotten close-- Talked about more than betting. - We talked about a lot of things. - Like books you've read... you know, your plans for the future, places you've traveled. Last time you talked to Victor Eli, did he sound sick? - No, ma'am. - It makes me wonder... why you were so worried about him when you called. - I wasn't w-- - Yes, you were. I heard it in your voice. It was the day before his 100th birthday, and you were worried... something might have happened to him. Why? Did something happen between Big Gil and client 246? - Some kind of disagreement over a bet? - No, ma'am. Maybe a futures bet? In all the years that I worked with Victor Eli, he only placed straight bets. - How many years was that? - Six. - Engagement or wedding ring? - Engagement. What does your fiancé do for a living? Most people I know fall in love at work. Can't propose to a woman in front of the Eiffel Tower... on an order-taking clerk's salary. Must be a bookie. Yeah. Can't be Hanson Gilmore. Hanson's old enough to be your father. But... His son's not... is he? I want to make what I think you call a three-way teaser bet. First, I bet you're gonna tell me where I can find your fiancé. And second, I bet you know... that your fiancé made a futures bet with Victor Eli. And third... I bet you knew that if Victor Eli lived to be 100 years old... your fiancé would lose a shitload of money. How did I do? Do I win? Eating breakfast at night-- Number 6 on my top 10 things to do. Number 9 on mine. Um... Maple or blueberry syrup? - "Mapleberry". - "Mapleberry". Sorry, Gus man. To Victor Eli... on his 100th birthday. Victor Eli wants to welcome you to your new home, Derek. It isn't exactly Paris. How about tonight... Yeah? ...we talk about anything that doesn't start... with the letter "R"? What about the letter "N"? Who's "N"? Someone you know. Someone Earl knows. Tell me before our pancakes get cold. - Coma girl. - Coma girl? But coma girl doesn't start-- Oh, my god. Earl told you her name? Grace, what's her name? No, Gussy. You got to stay. I know. I'm sorry. Tomorrow we'll g-o to your favorite place-- D-o-g p-a-r-k. Promise. We'll see your girlfriend-- Peaches. Okay? If I could take you with me, I would. Can't take dogs to Louie's. Shit. Guess who's awake. Hey. Earl! Okay! Okay! Okay! We're gonna have to do this again when Grace gets here. To the best damn moving crew anyone could ever ask for. We know you all had better things to do this week, so thank you. - It's a great apartment. - Neighbors seem real nice. Nice or not, I kind of prefer my neighbors 80 acres away. Oh, then you're kind of screwed. Amanda! Amanda! Amanda! Amanda! Amanda! I think you know everybody here except for Butch's fiancée, Kendra. This is my sister-in-law Amanda. Rafe's wife. I see you on the news all the time. - Congratulations. - Oh, thank you. Sweetie. Hey. Hey. The novena for Rafe- - I didn't even know what that was. I had to look it up. - Just prayers. - For nine consecutive days. Thank you. So... No pressure, but, um, this is my first night out... since Rafe died, so y'all better show me a good time. Last time we talked, you spoke English-- Perfect English. Shit. Don't move. There's a tarantula on your head. It's just a phone. It's okay. Yeah? Address? Okay. I got to go, but, uh... I'll be back tomorrow. Ronnie, here you go. Where's Grace? Hospital- - Coma girl. - Oh, shit. - What? Well, I loved my brother, and I miss my brother, but she's gonna play Rafe's favorite song over and over. There it is. What did I tell you? I hate this song. Yeah. Yeah. Ham... don't- - Don't worry. We'll keep Amanda occupied. There goes our weekend. Someone's weekend's gonna be a lot worse than ours. Moo! -= S03E05 = = "Mooooooooo" = = Timecodes by gius =- Perry's talking to Larceny. Larceny's talking to Animal Control. I'm not sure bovicide's our jurisdiction. Shell casings everywhere. Looks like the gun was a.45 and someone had a party. Patrol said 911 call came from teenage boys. Maybe they were out cow tipping, got bored. How much we looking at, Butch? Over $40,000 worth of U.S.D.A. prime beef-- All from Lazy 7 Ranch. There's a meat-packing plant 4 or 5 miles up the road. - It could have been headed there. - Could have been busted out of there. - Some animal-rights group, maybe. - Who kills the cows? Dead-Cow Central. Yeah. Okay. Thanks. They gave it to Larceny. Grace! Has she stopped talking? I got here at 5:30. She hasn't said a word since. Good morning. That's what she's been saying, but this is different. She's trying to communicate. What did the doctors say? The same thing nurses say-- The brain's a mysterious thing. It's not Spanish. I'm thinking Galician or Portuguese. I'm thinking it's Earl's version of a practical joke. Something about popcorn. Okay. I heard "papa" and "milho". That translates to "pope corn". Shit. Who do we know who speaks Portuguese or Galician? Larceny found the body at daybreak. The cows were killed, what, a mile up the road? It's the same road. It's got to be connected. - It means we got two crime scenes. - Who wants the cows? Think it's a dump? Yeah. This amount of blood was passive, and there's no exit wound. But I can feel a projectile just under the surface of the skin. His thumb's broken. It may have been a struggle. No shell casings, but I found fresh tire marks. Let's turn him over. 1... 2... 3. Shit. - You can say that again. - Shit. There's a small Hasidic community about 3 miles from here. They run the meat-packing plant. Pretty much keep to themselves. It rained all day yesterday. How long has he been dead? - If he is Hasidic-- - "If"? What else could he be? Come on, Henry. Talk Yiddish to me. The Hasids have very strict rules about touching a body. And I got very strict rules about solving a murder. Get his liver temp. Guys! We got to know how long he's been dead. Get the temp. Yeah, Butch? Repeat that. Okay. That's a rabbi coming. - In Hasidim, it's "Rebbe". - Rebbe? Rebbe Yuri Quecksilber. He's looking for his friend who's been missing since last night. Whatever you do, don't touch him. Mae had to do a report at school. Hasids can speak to women, but he won't look you in the eyes unless you're family. - Don't touch him. - What's with the things? - Curls? It's one of their customs. - What, "thou shall not cut your sideburns"? Facial hair. I have an uncle in L.A. who's Hasid. Today's the Sabbath. That's why he's walking. They don't drive on the Sabbath. Henry... get the temp. Take it! I'm looking for Benjamin Weinstein. Hebrew prayer book. No name inside. - Aren't they supposed to wear hats? - Yes. - He's been dead about 11 hours. - That puts it last night around 8:00. You okay, Henry? - The rebbe's gonna want to attend the autopsy. - What else is he gonna want? The body within 24 hours and a restricted autopsy. You better run that shit past Perry. Right. Aren't they in temple all night on Fridays? Not all night. 8:00. He should have been home for Shabbat Dinner. Am I the only Jew you know? Pretty much. - A couple of D.A.S. - Cody Greenblat moved to Dallas. Excuse me. Hey, the rebbe I.D.'d the body. It's Benjamin Weinstein. He was last seen leaving temple last night around 7:00. He never showed up at his daughter's house for supper. - Did she file a missing-person's report? - Yeah, 2:15 this morning. A bunch of men looked all night all on foot. That's when the rebbe came across the dead cattle. Excuse me. I need to speak to Benjamin's daughter. We'll notify his family, sir. What does he think happened to his friend? He thinks Benjamin was praying and stumbled across the wrong gentile. Rebbe, can I walk back with you and ask you a few questions? - What is your emergency? - I see dead cows. Please speak up. What is your emergency? I see dead cows. Dude, give it here. Hang up! Hang up before they can trace it! Operator traced the call to Lance Iverson, freshman at Madison. Patrol's bringing him in. Obviously an honor student. Good morning. Got some doughnuts. Ahh! Good man! I'm starving. I hear you're all searching for a hat and a gun out on highway 74. Yeah. And I think we need you out there. Support could use your help handing out food and water. Listen, you could meet up with academy recruits and your fellow explorers. Thank you, Captain Perry. Kidding? After the bravery you showed right here a few weeks ago, I want you on the front line. Cool! See ya, Clay. Cow timeline-- The cattle were picked up last night at 5:00 p.m. at Lazy 7 Ranch. Supposed to be delivered to Aaron and Sons meats off highway 74. Cattle never made it. They died here-- 3.9 miles from where they were gonna die anyway. Anybody inspect these cows, make sure they weren't diseased? I had my vet come out-- He said the cattle looked fine, advised we do a few necropsies just to be sure. Lazy 7 Ranch is a family-run business. Larceny hasn't spotted any red flags, but we're following up. - Okay. This shit happen often? - Uh, ranch wars, feuds, but no true rancher would ever hurt an animal out of revenge. Who transported these cows? Deep Fort Transport Company out of Altus employs the driver-- Wayne Wilson, no record. Been with the company for 18 years, making Friday delivery to Aaron and Son for 16 years. Should have dropped off the cows at 8:00. What happened when, uh-- When he didn't show up? Nothing. Plant's closed from Friday evening to Sunday morning. Wayne just puts the cattle in a pen, signs a time, and he's done for the day. Larceny put out a bolo for Wayne and his truck. He's not picking up his cellphone. No answer at his house. He's either dead, injured, or guilty. Who owns Aaron and Sons? Tavi Edelstein. - Tavi? - T-o-v-i. I think that's pronounced "Tovi". Well, let's talk to him and see if he's heard from Wayne Wilson. You know, an 18-wheeler just does not disappear off the face of the earth. Enjoy your walk? Any idea who would do this, Esther? No. Any idea why your father was walking down highway 74 last night? No. We found this near his body. Tatte's prayer book. Your father have any connection to the meat-packing plant Aaron and Sons? - He used to work there. - Why'd he quit? He retired. Is it okay if I look around? How come your father has two refrigerators and two stoves? The Torah tells us not to boil a kid in its mother's milk. We don't mix meat and dairy. Ever heard of Wayne Wilson? He's a truck driver. He's been delivering cows to Aaron and Sons for 16 years. No. Benjamin was last seen leaving temple at 7:00 p.m. Rebbe gave me the names of everyone there. He was supposed to walk to his daughter Esther's house. So, what made Benjamin head north instead of south? I thought temple was supposed to last all night. Yeah, me too, but on Friday, it starts at sunset, goes for less than an hour. That means that Benjamin left early, 'cause sunset last night was at 6:46. So he leaves temple. He's on foot. Ends up dead 2.6 miles from the meat-packing plant, 1.3 miles from the dead cattle. He couldn't walk that far by 8:00. He have a car? Yeah, but they can't drive on Sabbath or use a phone or turn lights on. - What, they can't turn on lights? - The Sabbath is about resting. So, this is work? I don't know, man. Something about lighting a fire. Let's, uh, compare Benjamin's tires to the tracks Rhetta found at the scene. Benjamin could have crossed paths with the cattle killer. And the cowtle kittle-- Cow-- the c-cow-- the cow-- The cow killer took him out, too. Maybe someone had a beef with Aaron and Sons. Okay, the son who owns the meat-packing plant now is Tovi Edelstein. - Rebbe said he and Benjamin were close. - Bobby and Butch, stay on the cows. Ham, you and Grace- - Benjamin Weinstein. Womb to tomb. - And shivah. - Shivah. Shalom, Brother Gusman. You're very handsome in your yarmulke. Oi! Como vai? That's, uh, Portuguese for "Hey, how you doing?" Rhetta has her ways. She's gonna translate what she's saying. You will not stump me, Earl. What do you know about Hasidic Jews? You got a couple hundred years? Would a Hasidic Jew... ever go without his hat on the Sabbath? Nope. He'd wear some kind of head covering out of respect for God. Reminds him there's a higher power than his own limited mind. You meet a new fella? He Hasidic? Yes. His name's Benjamin. How about temple-- Leaving early? - How big a deal is that? - This ain't about some new fella. It's about some case. How is their Sabbath different from church on Sunday? Jesus Christ. Besides him. Different rituals, different prayers. Giving thanks for your blessings and enjoying a good meal. I love their potato pancakes. They're called latkes. - What do you think? - It doesn't really fit you. - You don't like it? - No, and I don't like you not looking me in the eye, either. If you want to look like a Hasidic girl, you got to cover your elbows. Thanks for the tip. Going to shul? Plan on interrogating people of prayer? Well, I'd interrupt mass if I had to. Yeah, I'm going to shul. - Well, I hope you get something out of it. - Me too- - Like a murderer. - You ever been to temple before? - No. I thought it would be bigger. Me too. I thought there'd be pillars, you know? God's chosen people. - Can't this wait until after Shabbat? - I'm sorry, Rebbe, no disrespect, but we are investigating a murder. Is, uh, Tovi Edelstein here? I wasn't driving. Mitchell Montgomery was driving. He's 17, he's got a license, and he wasn't drinking. He was sober. When my parents get back, you're not gonna tell them about this, are you? I may tell your parents now, Lance. Phones work great in France. I just got to wait and see how much bullshit you try to feed me. None. I - I swear. We all saw them at the same time. It looked like piles of dirt in the road. Had to get right up on it to see it was cows. It was like a horror movie. Write down the names of everyone who was with you last night. - You got your phone on you? - Yes, sir. Why aren't you writing? We didn't kill those cows. We found them. I called you. You see anyone else out off highway 74? No, sir. Let me see your phone. I'm here to ask questions, too, Detective- - Only of God. I don't understand any of this. You don't understand why 30 cows supposed to be delivered to your plant were killed? No. - You got any disgruntled employees? - No. What about with your beef? Our beef is sold across the world. Best kosher meat you will ever find. How you doing, Esther? I know who you should talk to. I thought about the dead cows some more. Tatte worked for Aaron and Sons for 30 years. He was a meat inspector. - That's an important job. - Yes. Let me run ahead on this prayer, and then I can talk to you, okay? Okay. Tatte didn't want to retire. The rebbe made him, and Tatte followed the rebbe's order. But the new meat inspector-- Tatte wasn't happy with his work. In fact, he was pissed. If Benjamin sees you doing something that isn't in accordance with Jewish law, you're gonna hear about it. He'll correct you. My son-- he's 4. - Cut off his payes. - Oh, my god! Is he okay? Of course. They'll grow back. - What did he cut off? - His payes-- curls. Benjamin was upset. So was I, but it's not the end of the world. Was Benjamin upset last night? His prayer book-- Please, may I have it back? I translated the Portuguese. She's praying. - To God? - No, to Barry Switzer. "Help me, your daughter, Yamazha, with blessings of popcorn and hominy." Something, something, and then it goes on, "giving hope to the hopeless... and surrendering to God." - Her name is Yamazha? - And she's praying! I just- - I think that's beautiful. - Okay, what are you doing? - Nothing. I talked to this guy at the Portuguese embassy. He sounded sexy. I faxed him her photo and mine. He invited me to the Azores. The Azores. Well, before you go packing your bikini, I've got something pretty darn interesting to show you. Several fabulous prints off the prayer book. None of them match Benjamin. - That's interesting item number one. - Wow. Two-- This is his shirt. He was wearing this underneath. - Jewish wifebeater. Tzitzis. - Tzitzis. I wonder if people think we're weird. Oh, duh! - The popemobile. - Duh! The pope. Both of Benjamin's shirts have two kinds of blood on them-- His own and-- Yeah. Cow blood. I freaking guessed. I freaking guessed. Give me the science. This was the bullet taken out of Benjamin. These are the bullets out of the cows. Same gun fired them all. I tested Benjamin's hand. Found residue. We have been way too polite, people. How could we not run a gun check on Benjamin, you know? - What's he own? - A compact .45 Smith Wesson chief special. - Had it eight years. - See, That changes everything. Benjamin wasn't out there to pray. He was out there to kill the cows. Yeah, but why? In his mind, there was something wrong with them. - They weren't kosher. - So, who kills Benjamin? The kids, with the hat? They see a crazy old man out there shooting cows. Some kind of shit goes down. They struggle, the gun goes off. - Why call the cops? - Yeah, why? Love Earl's! Yeah! Best barbecue in the city! - Thought you were with the search party. - Came back for the lunch run. - I'm going back out. You guys need anything else? - No, man, we're cool. Wayne Wilson, the truck driver-- that's the dude we got to find. Have you talked to his family? Anyone worried about him yet? No family. He's not due back at work till Monday. - Who? - The truck driver-- Wayne Wilson. His credit card was used this morning at the Pink Lady. - Perry stepped up patrol. - What did Wayne have against Benjamin? Besides shooting his load? The cows. - Did Wayne even know Benjamin? - Of course he knew Benjamin. - Yeah, but Esther didn't. - Esther didn't work with Wayne. - Neither did Benjamin. - Did so. Did not, man. The Hasidims don't work with goyim. They don't fraternize with goyim. - Unless they have to. - Kind of like Sooners and Longhorns. You know what? Stop. If we want to solve this case, we got to understand this religion. All right. Jews follow 613 commandments, man. - I can't even follow 10. - A lot of their rules have to do with food-- You know, catching it, killing it, cooking. You know? Benjamin had two stoves, two refrigerators so he could keep meat from dairy. - Keep them kosher. - To the extreme. Got to be why he was upset with the new inspector. - That's the shoket? - The "shohet", yeah. He's the one, you know, who slaughters the animal... humanely so it doesn't suffer, and then someone approved... by the kosher authority-- Used to be Benjamin- - He inspects the meat. - Who is it now? - David Weinberger, hired by Tovi Edelstein three months ago. - Slaughter humanely. - Boneless ribs. How is that possible, man? Yeah, I'll show you. Anybody got a big, dumb animal handy? Bevo will do. You can never come back from this, Grace. - Grace! - Okay. Don't do it! All right. Oh, wow. Look at that. Very sharp, too. Okay. Okay, you sever the neck in a split second. Whoopsy! Take that, man. You drain all the blood. Oh, big, white, fluffy clouds of blood. And then the meat inspector checks to see if it's kosher. - Now, that's kosher, boys. - Or just dead. What are you doing? - Amanda. - Is that Rafe's shirt? What are you-- What are you doing? ! - Why are you wearing his shirt? ! - Threw it on at Ham's. I'm sorry. Gimme! I'm sorry. Nicky's gonna stay with the kids at your house as long as you need, all right? I want you to get some sleep. I'm so sorry, Ham. It's okay. - It's okay. - No, it's not. Your whacked-out sister-in-law making a scene. I know how you feel about Grace. Please tell her I'm sorry, too. No, it's okay. She understands. She understands. - How do you do it? - What's that? How do you smile so much? I pray every night I wake up and he's sleeping right next to me. He's not coming back, Amanda. You can't wake up if you never go to sleep. I'm so tired. Hey, Rafe ever tell you about the time he couldn't sleep? Man, he was a vampire. He was up every night till dawn. You know, mom tried everything-- Warm bath, singing, reading. Even put whiskey in his milk. Nothing worked. I mean, nothing. And one night, I was in the rocking chair, and Rafe climbed up, and within four rocks, he was out. And from then on, I was his nightly rocker. That is so sweet. - How old was he? - 16. These... Rafe's clothes? Yeah. I was, uh, gonna bring them to Goodwill, but I'm keeping his O.U. Jersey. Oh, it stinks. Smells just like feet. I always hated this thing. He was so proud he got it for free. I was gonna tell him to stop wearing it. Well, tell him now. H- he's right here. You put Rafe's ashes in a beer can? Yeah. Here. I should get some sleep. All right, all right. Tatte thought that Tovi cared more about his profit margin than about Jewish law. Yeah. And Tovi thought that Tatte was a pain in the ass. And your father was mad-- Mad enough to kill 30 of his cows. Oh, no. Tatte would never do that. He did, Esther. He shot the cows. He had to reload five times. Oh, Tatte. You're ba'al teshuvah. "One who has returned." I left when I turned 18. I, uh- - I came back when I was 22. How'd the tat go over? Tatte wanted to kill me. - All this must seem crazy to you. - No. Yeah. A little. You miss your freedom? Bacon? I don't have time, Grace. I have a husband and seven kids. The men can keep their businesses and careers. Women build the future. We raise the children. Been looking all over for you, Wayne. - You been hiding out? - Shit. Well, you would, too, you seen what I seen. And I read the paper. I didn't kill that crazy old Jew. - I don't even know who he is. - How's that? - You used to work at the meat plant. - That's why I took the Friday shift-- Only time them Jew boys ain't around. If you didn't know him, how'd you know he was crazy? Stand in the middle of the highway, like one of the supremes? It scared the piss out of me. I figured someone was hurt. I should have run him over. I get out. He come up, pointing his gun, make me open up the truck. The cattle start coming out. He's pointing and shooting and singing. - Sounds pretty crazy to me. - Why didn't you call the police? Called Tovi, owner of the plant. - Figured he'd call the cops. - You called Tovi last night? - Yeah. - And he answered? My phone-- check it. You said this Jewish man was singing when he shot the cows. Saying something about the president. Kept saying, "Barack! Barack!" Baruch ata adonai eloheinu melech ha'olam... Now what's he doing? Guarding the body. It can't be left alone until it's buried. 23rd psalm. It takes me way back. - What are you doing here? - Do you believe in prayer? This about the girl? We can talk later. - I asked you a question, Grace. - I'm doing my job. Well, so am I. Welcome to Brazil. They call this the room of miracles. This is where you brought Yamazha. Who? What's with all the body parts? Plastic and wax replicas. Put up whatever ails you, and countless voices pray for your recovery. Wow. Anyone I know? - Anyone she knows? - Just some folks helped by prayer. This is a cool room. - I need to go back to work. - First, I want an answer. Shit, Earl. It's an old Candomblé Blessing. African slaves used to do it. - Does Ham know I'm gone? - All kind of prayers-- Popcorn prayers, Hebrew prayers, screaming, cussing, questioning. All prayers. Prayers in here may be important. You know, "please let me score a touchdown, please let me find a parking place"-- What about that crap? You don't think God can handle the big and small? Some dope, uh, prays for the light to turn green, the same time a family's praying for their sick baby. Light turns green, baby dies. Why doesn't he save the baby? I don't know. God makes the decisions, not our desires. Really? God makes the decisions? Yes. So, okay, God- - God decides to kill 6 million Jews, machete a million Africans? God decided to give you all a choice. The people who gassed 6 million Jews or macheted one million Africans... - made that call. - But God's the decider. - He could have stopped them. - He can do anything he wants. He could have created each one of you to worship him, but what would be the fun in that? He wants you to come to him on your own-- to pray-- because you want to. But why would I pray for someone who stands by and does nothing when- when he could do everything? - Is that what you want? If God did everything, then what would you do? Dance... Laugh. The same things I've always done. Dancing's always been one of my favorite prayers. - I still don't see the point of prayer. - It prepares you to see God in any situation. I don't feel it. Not the kind of prayer you're talking about. What do you think summoned me? ...to a world that lives only in our memory. Why did your people arrest Tovi? We didn't arrest him. We, uh, we're questioning him. This is harassment. You need to let my people grieve. One of your people may be responsible for a man's murder. God's justice requires that we follow Jewish law. Tomorrow, we start a sit shivah-- Seven days of uninterrupted mourning. Are you asking me to put this investigation on hold for a week? Yes. No. Gentiles will never understand. We're not here to please you, Captain. We're here to please God. In this case, we're here for Benjamin, so, please... Let me, uh... Help you with the door. Oh, shit. S- sorry. Excuse me. We bury the prayer book with the deceased. May I have it back for Esther... so that Benjamin is buried according to Jewish law? According to Oklahoma law, all items have to be entered into evidence. I'm sorry, Mr. Quecksilber. Tovi Edelstein asked for a lawyer, and Mitchell Montgomery's tires do not... match the tracks at the crime scene. There's no blood in his car, either. We got to cut him loose. Listen, Tovi violated the Sabbath by using the phone. That's a huge deal, right? As an emergency. They can use the phone in an emergency. Still, Tovi's car is the one I'm interested in, man. What's he drive? A Chevy Impala. Rhetta said we're looking for a G.M. vehicle. The new inspector- - David, uh, Weinberger- - What's he drive? Got nine kids, drives a Ford minivan. A 17-people alibi on Friday night at 8:00. Tovi-- we've got enough for a warrant on his phone and his car. It's so cool how they do the search grid! They didn't find the gun, but they did find a Hebrew prayer book in grid 17. It was about a mile from your body dump. Rhetta's got it down in her lab. All right, man. - Ham didn't even know you were gone? - Never mentioned anything. - And he didn't see Earl? - He never mentioned anything. - Just try. - I don't think I can. - You have to. - I can't. I... Just try. Holy. Sorrowful. Glorious. Like Earl pulled back the veil and I... Could hear the whole world praying. Oh, my gosh. It was wild. He revealed the power of prayer to you-- In Brazil-- and Yamazha is praying in Portuguese. - Think I'm supposed to go to Brazil? - I think you're supposed to pray. Hey, hey. Hey, I interrupt something? They found Benjamin Weinstein's prayer book. I had the Hebrew translated. It's his name. Shit. Where'd they find it? Buried in a trash can at a gas station on western and highway 74. - Is that the one found near his body? - Yeah. Still can't match the prints on it. - Check Tovi Edelstein. - I already did. He got arrested for drunk driving a few years ago. What about with the tires? Were you able to narrow it down at all? G.M. what? We got P225/60R16 tires with a 113.8-Inch wheel base. Most likely Buick of some size, maybe 10 years old. - Shit! - What? You run the vehicles of everyone who belonged to that temple? Yeah. What happened? We know you're a man of God. We know you didn't mean to kill Benjamin. I was raised Catholic, so... we have that whole guilt thing in common. I know this has got to be eating you up inside. - You violated the Sabbath last night. - Twice. The first time, to take a call from Tovi at 7:42. You spoke for 43 seconds. How did you get my phone records? You drive a 1999 Buick Park Avenue, 3.8-liter V-6 engine. Your tires match the tire tracks at the crime scene. That gave us enough for our warrant. We're towing it from our parking lot to our garage so we can see if Benjamin's blood's inside. We have a warrant for that, too. The second time you violated the Sabbath, you drove out to meet Benjamin. Did you go to try to reason with him? - Or Benjamin wanted more meat to pass inspection. - And you wanted peace. And Jewish law is open to interpretation. There's no reasoning with Benjamin. What happened? You find him walking toward the meat-packing plant. He was so upset. He got into your car. - You yelled at Benjamin. - For killing the cows, man, drawing attention. Benjamin yelled back. "You did nothing-- Nothing- - To stop bad meat from passing inspection." - Things got heated. - You didn't mean to kill him. You didn't even mean to touch him. But you wanted to take the gun away from Benjamin. You grabbed it. So hard you broke his thumb! - Benjamin tried to take the gun back. - The gun went off! - You must have been so scared. - So you started driving. You pulled over, pushed Benjamin out of the car. That's when your prayer book fell out. We thought it was Benjamin's. See, you knew that, which is why you asked for it back. 'Cause you thought if you could bury it with Benjamin, you might get away with it. Be able to keep the peace. The Torah says... whoever destroys one life destroys the world entire. How are you gonna live with that? What have I done? What have I done? Help your people, Yamazha, with blessings of popcorn and hominy. Mother of all living things, we ask you to give hope to the hopeless, that we may surrender to the amazing power of God. Guide us, Yamazha. Help your people, Yamazha. Previously on Xena... -Ares! -Beg pardon, but Ares hasn't been seen in these parts since the legendary Xena died about 25 years ago. -Joxer? -What? ! Is that you? Where's my daughter, Octavius? All hail Livia! -You don't know the first thing about me! -But I do. I know your first laugh, your first tears. I know your first breath. I'm your mother. We've gotta go after her, Gabrielle. We've gotta save her from herself and the gods. We'll find Eve, Xena. Yeah, look at all these tracks. Even I could follow 'em. I mean, you know, judging from the the hoofprints chances are a large group of men passed through here. Most likely they were on... horseback, I think. Good eye, Joxer. She's at least got a company. Roman troops still loyal to her. They can't be more than half a day ahead of us. Don't worry, Xena. We'll find Eve. You keep saying Eve. The woman we're tracking is Livia, champion of Rome. I'm not sure that my daughter even exists anymore. It doesn't matter what she calls herself, Xena. A lifetime serving Rome doesn't change the fact that she's your daughter. When she looks inside herself, she'll see you there. She'll be Eve again. Sure, with a mother like you, how bad can she be? Followers of Eli! Don't forget to turn the other cheek. Traitors! Do you like train? Why Xena is determined to protect you sheep is beyond me. Livia, we can't find a temple to Eli in the village. There's no proof these people were even part of Eli's cult. And I should care? Why? Eli's followers are vermin. They hide amongst true romans, spreading like a sickness. If a few innocents must die to stop their heresy so be it. And if it vexes Xena, so much the better. You can't destroy our spirit! We've seen worse than you. We've lived through Callisto's raids. Callisto... She did some good work, but I'm not Callisto. My daughter did this. In the time of ancient gods..., warlords and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero. She was Xena. A mighty princess forged in the heat of battle. The power. The passion. The danger. Her courage will change the world. XENA - WARRIOR PRINCESS I can't believe Eve could do this. "Rome needs no mother." Canidus... It's Titus. These were my friends. Get 'em down. Get 'em all down. Xena, you know this isn't your fault. Xena? You're Xena? That's right. She killed them all! My husband..., my children! I asked her, why? ! Why? ! She said "Ask Xena.". "Ask my mother." Tell me why, Xena! Why? ! Why? ! Why? ! She's something, isn't she? Looks like Livia's nearly racked up the body count you had at her age. She's my daughter, you sick bastard. Why do you think it was so easy to turn her? Look. This is all blood under the bridge. You give me a child the other gods will never find out that Eve is still alive. I'd rather go to Hell. Damn it, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you! You give me what I want! Or I will bring all of Olympus down on your daughter's head! The thought of being with you or of having your child... That sickens me. We'll set up camp here. It's about time we get a break! Kinda early for hard stuff, huh? Down, girl, we got some business. Take your business to my mother. Your long-lost love. We've got nothing! Oh, grow up. I had a thing for Xena once, but no longer. So get over it... and get even. -Wouldn't you like that? -What do you think? I was supposed to marry Augustus. I was destined to be the empress of the empire till she came back. So what's changed? We have an arrangement. You destroythe cult of Eli for me I run a little divine intervention for you..., ...get you to be empress of Rome. -Where's Xena fit into all this? -She doesn't. But you're gonna have to kill her to keep her from stopping you. And the twilight? Aren't you afraid? Aren't you afraid I'll bring about the end of your gods? When you were born, there was panic on Olympus. It cost Zeus his life. Hera vanished. And then... we thought you were dead for 25 years. And do you know what happened? Nothing. So the only power you have over us is our own fear. Reclaim your destiny, Livia. Kill Xena. It must feel great to be on the road again leading Xena and Gabrielle into battle again after all these years. Yeah, well, you know, you never lose a warrior instinct, you know? These tracks are fresh. I can't believe that it's my daughter we're tracking..., ...that it's Eve who's doing these terrible things. Xena, this isn't the Eve that you would've raised. Ares did this. Ares might have opened the door, but Eve had to walk through. -How do you know that? -You said it yourself. Eve finally took a good look inside herself, and she found me there. -That's not what I meant. -I know her rage. It's in Eve's blood, Gabrielle. I made her who she was. -I was her. -Then there's hope because you changed. On your feet, sheep! Get outside! Go on! Move! You too! Get going! You heard me! -It's Xena! -All right, boys... That's enough arts and crafts for today. Now you'll taste the steel of Joxer, the Mighty! -Wait... -I got it, Dad. Get 'em, boy! Like I taught ya! Where is she? Oh, Mommy... Joxer... -Eve... -I told you, my name is Livia! All right, Livia. You've got a bone to pick with me. Here I am, but let Joxer go. It's time for some payback, Xena. I think I'll start with this loser. -Dad! -Joxer... -You ok? -Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. You can get past this anger, Eve. Don't listen to her, Livia! She's just jealous of your strength! I'm glad you came back. Killing you must be part of my destiny. No, your destiny isn't to kill. Your destiny is to find a new way beyond the killing! Shut up and fight me! Fight me! Fight me! Do it! She's all that stands between you and Rome! He's lying to you, Eve. He'd say anything to keep you from your true path. That's why I came back, to show you who you truly are. Come on. Do it. Listen to your heart. My heart is a traitor. Eve... Die, butcher! Hey... It's all right. Archers! Get down! How does it feel, Xena, knowing the person you love despises you? Trying to reach her but... knowing in the end it'll either be her or you? Why did you stop me? She murdered my wife, my daughter. What about the next family she butchers? And the next? Their blood's on your hands now! All better now? She could have let that peasant kill me. She could have ended it right there. She laved my life. Why? The same reason she didn't kill you in the arean. She wants you to buy into all the touchy-feely garbage, like love and mercy. She came all this way. She survived in an ice cave for 25 years to find me. She came to destroy you! Now, who are you gonna listen to? The mother who abondoned you 25 years ago? Or the god who's gonna make you an empress? -Austia? -Why Austia? It's near the coast. Eli's largest temple's there. Word has it, that the last of Eli's faithful are gathering to pray for a miracle to help save 'em from Livia. Well, let's hope that they get one. Why don't you guys get some rest? We're heading out at first light. Xena, you were getting through to Eve today. All you need... All you need is another chance. Chances run out, Gabrielle, for all of us. If that's true... If Eve can't be changed could you kill your own daughter? If I had to yes, I could. -Virgil... About today... -Forget about today, Dad. You were just tired. -Listen. Let me finish. I always wanted to be a great warrior. It didn't work out. I tried to join every army from here to Egypt but nobody ever wanted me. And... Well, that's all. So you never battled the dryads? That was Xena. -What about the harpies? -Xena too. -Sent Callisto to Hell? -Xena. -Got Callisto out of Hell? -Xena. Wow... Sounds like you and Xena had some real adventures together, Dad. We sure did, son. We sure did. If this plan is going to work I have to get to Austia before Eve's forces dig in. -It'll work. -See you there. Virgil... Virgil, I have something I have to do. If I'm not back by dawn I need you to meet Xena in Austia, like we planned. Where are you going? -Promise me. -I will, but what are you gonna do? I'm gonna try to keep Xena from doing something that she'd never forgive herself for. Thanks. Have the preparations been made for the attack? Yes, but there's a complication. She just walked into camp... unarmed. Leave us. Auntie Gabrielle... Welcome. -I've come here... -No, please, let me. You thought if you could just talk to me heart to heart? You could convince me that Xena wants only to help me and if I could find it within myself to give her a chance and Mommy would make it all better. The gods wanted you dead. Xena risked her life to save you. Does that mean anything to you? It means she's as stupid as she is sentimental. -Your mother loves you. -Then why is she trying to destroy me? Xena wnats to protect you. She will not fight you. Maybe... she hasn't been properly motivated. I can't believe you let Gabrielle go alone. She wanted us to wait for Xena. -What are you doing? -She could be in trouble. -Dad, you don't have proof...! -Listen! You get Xena and you bring her back. -But Dad! -Do what I tell you, boy. I hate...! 17, 18, 19, 20... to 1. Good odds. Come on! Come on, you scurvy dogs! Let's move out! Move! Put that on the fire! Today... we wipe out the remnants of Eli's cult and I take my revenge on their champion, Xena. It's not too late to stop this, Eve. Don't call me Eve. -Tie her up. -No! Xena, where are you? Hit your mark, baby. Do you think that Xena will still want that mother-daughter reunion after she finds your bloodless corpse, Auntie Gabrielle? No! Problem! Spill that infidel's blood! Personally, I never like to kill infidels before noon. Though, in your cases, I'll make an excep. Hey, that is sharp. Oh, good. Mom's here. About time. Move! This will be much more effective with an audience. No! Joxer, get down! No! No! Joxer! No! No! Joxer... Dad! Can you help him? Hey... Are you ok? -Yeah. -Ok. Joxer... -Yeah? -What were you doing? I didn't want... didn't want to disappoint you. You could never disappoint me. What? What's the matter with you guys? I'm gonna be fine. Come on. I'm a little cold but... it doesn't hurt anymore. We should take him home. He would do the same for us. I'll take him... after we deal with Livia. Virgil, you should be with Meg. This isn't your fight. Look... You have my respect, because you had his. But don't tell me this isn't my fight. Not now. Is this what it means to follow Eli? I knew my faith would be tested, but never like this. Eli always says it takes courage to walk his path. How can I love when my heart is filled with vengeance? I know that it's hard. When you're pushed, you just wanna push back. But you have to ask yourself, is that want Eli would want? I don't care what Eli wants. I just know what I have to do. That Virgil is one angry guy. I can't say I blame him. Get lost. But he shouldn't hate Livia, should he? You're the one he should hate. You could have prevented all of this. But no. Joxer is dead because the thought of me made you sick. Ok. But if I sicken your soul stopping Livia will kill it. -I never thought it would be my friend. -It's not your fault, Xena. -Isn't it? -No. I spared Eve. I thought I could save her and now Joxer is dead. -What part of that isn't my fault? -You had to try. That's cold comfort to Virgil and Meg. How many more innocents will die before I end this? None. Xena, I went to Livia. I tried to tell her that we love her. She didn't care. -You called her Livia. -That's who she is. Eve is dead. She's not your daughter anymore, Xena. She's Rome's. Eli, wherever you are, I know you can hear me. I'm having a little trouble understanding your message, Eli. I'm a warrior. I have a warrior's heart. And yet, you told me to to fight my enemies with compassion instead of the sword. Well, now I find I have to kill my own daughter. My own flesh and blood. Is this what you meant when you said I must love my enemy? Show me another way. Where's your infinite love? Good. The sheep are all here. Aren't you afraid of me? You think Eli's gonna save you? Glad you could make it, Xena. I hope you're not going to ruin my day with more of your excrutiating mother-daughter platitudes. No. I'm done talking, Livia. -This ends here, Livia. -You finally get it. -Eve is dead. -That's right. I'm here to avenge her. -Time to put you out of my misery. -Give it your best shot. Oh, yeah. Who's my girl? ! Who's my girl? ! You are! Oh, nice. Attack! What is this? You didn't think Augustus was just going to sit back and let you take his throne, did you? He was more than happy to lend me a few reinforcements and Eli's followers had to take a little holiday. Attack! Come on, Mother... Do it. Ares was right. You're weak. Eli, save my daughter. I couldn't. I love you. It's a little girl. We're gonna be together now, Eve. You and me... Hush now, my little one. Please, don't you cry. Lay your head down on my shoulder and sigh. Sun's gone away and Mama will pray. Silence will keep all where you sleep. Livia... What have I done? ! Livia... No! I had her! Why'd you stop me? ! Why? ! Xena, what happened? I think Eli's followers got that miracle they were praying for. What did she say to you? She said her name was Eve. Subtitles: @marlonrock1986 (^^V^^) SHOCHIKU, EISEI GEKIJO, MBS, SEDIC INT'L K? HO PRESENT: Distributed by TOKYO THEATRES, CO., LTD. Produced by YUKIKO SHII Music by COBA Original Story by ISAMU UNO Screenplay by JUNJI SAKAMOTO and ISAMU UNO Directed byJ UNJI SAKAMOTO FACE Starring: NAOMI FUJIYAMA JANUARY 14, 1995 If that's what you say She cannot tell a lie Well, then, good-bye Hello. YOSHI MURA DRY CLEANI NG REPAI RS AND ALTERATIONS I'm home! Hello, Mother, how are you? Nice to see you. I'm home. Boy, oh boy, oh boy. What a pile of stuff! . You only come home for the dry cleaning. My local cleaner's so expensive. Hey, a present from Tokyo. - Gee, thanks. - A Giants hat. Not the Giants! Why do you have to be so mean? I don't know from baseball. - Two men run... - Double steal. See, you do know. Ajigsaw puzzle for you, Mom. I hope it doesn't get on your nerves. It's me, Yukari. Let me in, Sis. I got you a souvenir at Disneyland. The lock. Here. Sis, it's a rush job. Please. ...a man's? A customer tore it on a nail. I promised him I'd fix it by tonight. What do I care? Just fix it before the rest. - No. - Why not? Never. I'm asking you. Don't like the smell. Are you really gonna be like this your whole life? I didn't do it on purpose. You really should check into a hospital. Mom says so too. Masako. Where are you going? I won't... I will not. I am not sick! Masako, your shoes! Yukari! Yukari! You've gone and done it again! A big fat bore... What are you doing in socks? Your feet. There's the shoe store. It's gonna snow again. See ya! You should apologize to Masako, making up that story about the hospital. But she's the one that's weird. Why do I get all the blame? I don't mean to. All she ever thinks about is herself. She gets on my nerves. I raised the both of you. Wait till Masako gets back. I'm meeting a customer for dinner. Thanks for these. Do you have to be a bar hostess? It's not forever... Don't catch cold. You, too. Come again. What's the time? 4:30. Ow. Forgive me. I'm just so tired. When I'm reborn... When you're reborn... Will I be able to see you again... I Love You, I Love You, I Love You I Love You's the very best It's all in the soup stock.! Savor the soy flavor of I Love You.! I love you... Masako had herself a long trip yesterday. I'm relieved when she goes out. She's not a child anymore. They hardly seem like sisters. Masako takes after her father. If I recall, he was awfully moody, wasn't he? And you bore the brunt of it. It's just that he couldn't help being true to his feelings... It's just that... Thank you. Now it's just the two of you left. She's in shock. Won't come downstairs at all. Take turns sitting vigil with Masako. Shall I just stay over tonight? No, but thank you. What will they do at the bar without either of us? I'll be okay. I'll come back tomorrow and help out. Did Dad come? To light incense? That's enough. You'll ruin your dress. Ever since I was little, I've been ashamed of you. Why did you have to be my sister? We're turning this place into a coffee shop. I'll live here with him... Then, I'll forgive you... for all the embarrassment you caused. Don't need to be forgiven. I'm going. OH, DEAR, NOTTHE DRESS FORMASAKO ''Your tears will restore a fallen woman to her pristine virginity..." Is that the line? You read my book without asking? It was so stupid... Isn't it about time you really became a woman? How dare... I pity you, I really do. Ouch! FUNERAL DONATIONS WOMAN'S BODY DISCOVERED AT DRY CLEANER'S FOLLOWI NG MOTHER'S FUNERAL ALL CASH FUNERAL GI FTS STOLEN ELDER DAUGHTER TARGET OF POLICE SEARCH JANUARY 17, 1995 THE KOBE TI MES It's my fault. God's punishing me! It's all my fault! OSAKA STATION May I? Coffee. You never know with life. Some people die of old age, some from sickness, some from disaster... some are even murdered... I feel sorriest for people who die in disasters. They need our prayers. Right? Let's pray for them together. What do you do? I was born in Kyoto, but my daddy was swindled out of the restaurant he'd inherited from his family. I'm trying to get it back. I run a restaurant. Come work for me, no? I know it's out of the blue, but one look tells me we're alike. I have good instincts... No? - No... um, I have to go. - I see. I've come here to meet my son. I'm so worried. He works in Osaka. Bye, then. It must be fate. This is on me. Excuse me... Where's Benten 3 Chome? How do I get to Benten 3 Chome? Nobody's here. WE'RE OUT ON PATROL I... killed someone... I killed my little sister... Hey, what are you doing? Your behavior is very suspicious. You better come with me to the station. I want to know where my daddy's house is. Wait up. Your daddy's house is your house. Don't you know where it is? He left when I was ten... Benten's all I know. Hey, not so fast. Benten 3 Chome is right here. Hey! I'll take you. Benten 3 Chome's outside the police box. Hey, c'mon, this way... Shut up... Don't move, it's dangerous. I've got a knife. You could get hurt. I'm gonna throw up, throw up. Don't throw up. It's disgusting. I'm gonna be sick, be car sick! I'm pissed. All my jobs got canceled. Don't touch me, don't touch me! Damn, she barfed. Disgusting. What the hell... Shit, I've gone soft. The creep barfed! What a drag. So much for my high... I'm hot... My body's burning... I'll cool you off. No! Shut up! Hold still! That's Benten 3 Chome over there. Go find daddy. Not anymore. Your first time, huh? Once in a while, you get lucky. My buttons... Here, take this. What's it for? Let's say that's how it was. I don't want money! Keep it! Please let me stay. Please let me stay. Alone? This is a love hotel. No singles. What happened to you? I made you some noodle soup. Thank you. Morning. - They're waiting for you back there. - Got it. Listen. Anybody asks for shelter, let 'em stay. Families, men, anyone. Okay. You should give up mahjong. Who asked you? SISTER CONFI RMED AS MURDER SUSPECT - Ever worked in a... - Never. And you're quitting? I wanted to replace myself. She knows the deal here? Thank you for letting me work here. I'm sorry. I don't want to work. Hey, wait. You said you lost your job. Let him look after you for a while. - I don't like it here. - Suit yourself. I thought I had a replacement. I'll be at mahjong. What's wrong? MARI KO KAGA Shit! You know this place is in trouble? Nope. I'm gonna be a dancer! Nice to have dreams. So each couple gets a number. Give them the key, take the money. Simple. The front desk isn't for me. We all take turns. And try to act nice. Hello! I've got another one. Here it is. Hello. Hello, there. Will you post this? Tell your boss I said hi. Okay, I'll post it. You just know she never had any friends. Right? Look. FUGITIVE MURDERER- PLASTIC SURGERY Friends? Do you have to have them? What are you doing? You watch TV while you're cleaning? Sorry. Turn it off at least. Sorry. Used to the work now? You don't even go out on your day off. Nowhere to go. Nothing you want to do? No, I guess you don't. Want to ride a bicycle. Masako Yoshimura obtained a middle school class photo because she rarely left the house... Welcome. So you can run, after all. They're tearing the place apart, taking the TVs... That all...? Forget it. Sit down, have a drink. You'll lose everything. Doesn't matter. I don't care. I'm sick of drinking alone. Don't drink so much. Who cares? It's my body. Come, have a seat... Just... wait... Not like that... Again, again. Okay. Too fast, fast. Just wait, too fast... Ouch. Here goes. Let go too fast. You're too tense. This side... Oh, no, no, no. Ouch. I'm beat. Ouch ouch ouch. My daddy said, you don't have to ride a bike if you don't want to... and you don't have to swim either... That's what he said. Felt sorry 'cause I got teased for being clumsy. He was nice, but he ran away with a customer's wife... But... I wanted to ride, if only I could have... and I wanted to swim... Quit babbling. Practice. You gotta teach better. I'll call the police. Are you okay? Are you okay? Yukari. Go ahead, laugh at me. I was so scared of being reborn after I strangled you, I couldn't kill myself. Getting reborn is scary, right? What a cop-out. SISTER KI LLER Can I have a mask for my cold? That's 250 yen. Which way's Hokkaido? What? Hokkaido? For Hokkaido, you'd better start at the airport... Which way's Kyushu? Kyushu? Kyushu's... that way. Where in Kyushu? What a nut... Excuse me, may I see your tickets? Excuse me. Thank you. I hate to disturb you... your tickets... Excuse me, sir... Your tickets... Ticket? Thank you. Excuse me, your ticket. You're past your destination. How far are you going? Far, far away. The last stop. To Oita, then. I see. Use these. I didn't need them. I ate my dumplings with the toothpick. Why don't you take it off? I know it's rude, but I'm drunk... Why's your face...? Your man beat you up? No, huh? I fell off my bicycle... and hit my face on the ground. And it got all swollen. My body fell too, so it's all swollen up too... That's enough. End of the line? Yes. I get off at the next stop. Beppu. So, you're on a holiday, Saotome san. Must be nice. Actually, I just got downsized... for my bad attitude. Figured I'd go back home. I was sick and tired of dragging that heavy bag... I'd really had it... I figured, what the hell... Bye. I enjoyed it. Sorry. Damn, it's hot here. Hiroyuki! Hop on. Couldn't come in a car? You quit the yakuza life. Who cares about appearances? You're still dressed for a funeral. I hopped a train after my bro's funeral. Perfect. We'll visit Dad's grave on the way. We're off. You sure you can deal with customers? Beats sucking up to some asshole. Besides, I came home for you. To keep you company. Liar. She kicked my bag before. She's not local or a tourist, either. Have a bath while I clean upstairs. Boss. I can really ride a bicycle. Ow... Somebody... somebody... Somebody! Somebody! Why's this thing... so stuck! Help me! You can't just come in here. But your face... First a bath, then you tell me about it. The back. - My butt hurts. -Just get on. Okay? You can relax. At least stay till your bruises heal. Leave her be. You better wash my shirt. I'll go away soon. Stop hiding behind the curtains. It's her first day and she's shy. Ritsuko, I caught my shirt on a nail in the john. I'm sorry. Hiroyuki, go check it out. Me? I'll pay for it, Kenta. Forgive. It's a designer shirt. Hard to replace. Oh, what's a shirt or two? Be a man. I used to hold your hand on the way to school. Give me a break. Can I have a look? Where's it torn? You sure are handy. I'm lousy at that stuff. C'mon, Kenta. RITSUKO'S BAR Bye bye, thank you bye-bye My dearest beloved You were good-looking But you were too sly You're off the beat. Who cares. God she's noisy. Hey, Kenta. C'mon, Kenta. That's enough, Kenta. Your wife won't like it if you drink so much every night. That bitch. She's got no respect for me or my work. I have a special someone. I'll watch you go, so go on home. Seems to suit her here. No one's ever looked after her before. She's definitely got a secret. Every woman's got her story. Men aren't so simple either... Hiroyuki... You got a strange call today. Yeah, what'd they say? Asked if you were in... What's so strange? It seemed strange, so I said no. Seemed strange? You in any trouble? My dead bro' was the one in trouble. You hiding something? It's just the two of us now, don't lie to me. Where are you going? Out. Come back home, okay? What are you doing? What... smoking... Here, take these. I found them in the trash. You don't even have a TV. Thanks. Look after my sister. She's cleaning up alone. I'm... so happy I met you. Thank you. You found me my apartment... I should thank you. Even Steven. Watch the bar? Take care. I won't be late. Why worry about us? Enjoy your reunion... We'll be fine. Hiroyuki san, that nail's sticking out again. Why, Kenta san, you're awfully early today. Will that be a beer? Oh, let me move that. Not... tonight. The thing is... He doesn't feel good. Then go home and rest. Make a bed for him upstairs. Why? Hurry up and do it. You're wet, go strip... What's going on? I don't get it. You told me you'd taken care of it. Take care of it yourself! . Forget it, then, Hiroyuki. Just give me my money back. You wanna do it, right? Just do it. No! No! Go ahead, hit me... I wanna do it with you... ...wanna do it with you. Why! Why! I wanna do it... No! No! Forget it... Just forget it. I'll undo my own buttons. Don't rip them... I'm on fire... my body's on fire. I knew he was up to something! My husband wouldn't fall in love with a whore! Pathetic! You want my forgiveness, you grovel! Don't need forgiving. What the hell... You shut up! Get her out of here. - What do you see in her! - Go! - Let's go home. - Let go! Don't you touch me! Driving in his car I came to a town far, far away We can only pray No sorrow awaits Why don't you take these seats? Ritsuko san, Ritsuko san. Ritsuko san. Me. - You mind? - Of course I mind. Don't be afraid. Look, more comic books. Bought a TV. Ashtray. What about the ashes? - Smoke. - I'm fine. You came to see if I was okay? Why? That wasn't the first time it happened to me like that. That's why you were so calm. I was not calm. I was singing to forget. It's depressing to watch you carrying on. What's that mean? Your inferiority complex... You came to tell me that? Don't be mad, I'm a loser too. Meaning I'm one? Not here to discuss that. I thought I'd quit yakuza life. Take care of my sister. Hiroyuki's gone. Took all his stuff, too. Oh man... All that crap about keeping me company... You didn't wire the money. Remember what you said! What the fuck is this? Put him on the phone. Just one piece of gum, okay? ...not there? Fine, you tell him, he's got one more day. It's not blackmail, just part of downsizing. ...money's not there by tomorrow, the data's gone... No I can't wait... Hey, hey, hey Sometimes you gotta make your move To meet what's needed Gotta leave your normal self It won't happen tonight If you don't make your move Looks like no one's coming to take you home. I'm sure your wife will come back. Can't stand her. But she was so pretty. Are you okay? Go to sleep... Where has baby's nanny gone... Over that mountain... and back to her home Where'd you go? I guess I just fell asleep. Got to get to the bank. The bank isn't... It's just past 7:00 a.m. - Ryo? - Asleep upstairs. Oh, I see. I'm sorry. Lucky you have a bank to go to. What I'm doing's wrong. I'm betraying the company I worked for... I swiped their client database before they sacked me. I'm really good at that sort of thing. I like people... who are wrong. 2:00 tomorrow. By the elephant then, Ryo. No need... I'm going home to change. I'm so happy. For what? You changed from a dust heap into a pretty woman in love. I never knew I could fall in love. Get your hair done, too. You come too. Not for me, thanks. Not in the mood. I'm worried about Hiroyuki san too. Thanks... Now off you go. Can you come identify him... Where's the hostess? She's not involved. We have to investigate... Does she work here? Go to sleep... Where has... baby's... nanny... gone... Not like that. Like this? No. Not like that. You push through the water like this. And your legs... You gotta teach me better. In the middle of the night? Please show me how. It was always my dream to learn how to swim. ...like a sea turtle laying eggs. It's embarrassing just watching you. Let's call it a night. Not tonight. I can't let you tonight. Just stay with me here till morning. That's all... You think too much. My old lady would kill me. Not the... ocean...? No rush, duckies. One step at a time. One step at a time. May the best duck win. Enter one duck at a time. Keep your eyes on the finish line. The first beak to cross, wins. Ready... Out you come... And they're off! . Pink wins first prize! Daddy used to be like those ducks. You like them? You work like a duck. I'll go to kindergarten. Let's go see the elephant. What happened? Promise me. Just promise me one thing. Before I say good-bye, make me this promise. What? When the moon rises in the west, you'll marry me. I don't understand what you mean. And if we can't keep that promise and we meet again, after we're reborn will you promise it again? And if we can't keep that and we meet again, after we're reborn again, promise me again. Call me a fool, but I don't get it. All I want is a silly-old yes. A silly-old yes? It won't do you any harm. Then... yes. I've got my reasons, I have to go now... Good-bye... Ryo, I'm sorry I can't play with you like I promised... Good-bye. Fare thee well! What's reborn mean? Spinning round and round like this you... Fare thee well! Daddy's about to puke. I hate high places and tight places. Hello. ...it's me. Shizuka! My real name is Masako Yoshimura. Where are you? Where've you been? I'm sorry, Ritsuko san. I'm sorry. Thank you. Good-bye. Don't do anything stupid. Don't die. Run. Don't give up, keep yourself alive somewhere. If only I could die... If only I could die... Listen. When you get hungry... eat. When you get hungry again, eat again. Don't think about the rest. Otherwise, I'd never have survived this long. Where are you? I'll come and get you, tell me. Thank you... I'm sorry. Don't say good-bye! We'll see each other again! Good-bye. I need you too... Hello... Yukari... Yukari... I thought you were going to be reborn. We're done. Grandma. Lucky you found someone to look after you. Bye, then. Oh, say. Could you fix this for me? I tore it on a nail. She's got her hands full. Everybody wants her for their mending. My pleasure. Tomorrow then. Today, go enjoy the festival. That's enough for today. Wear this to the festival. It was my daughter's, before she died. Thank you. I promised to deliver this today. I won't be long. Okay, then. You look like her! I saw you on TV. With the peace sign! - When? - Now. Was it really me? The same eyes and nose. ...when she worked at a bar. Yoshimura used an assumed name. She narrowly escaped police apprehension, when she disappeared. It is now seven months since she committed the murder... NEXT FERRYTOMORROW Nothing? Anybody find anything? No luck so far. Oh, God... They'll fire me. We're off. Unit 2, off. Unit 3, off. When you get up there, split into two parties. It's no use! Let's take a break. We'll cover the ferry port and the docks. They're sending help by noon. Cover the docks? Man, I'm wiped. Nothing ever happens on this island. What a mess... Sergeant. Look! What the...! Come back! It's dangerous! NAOMI FUJIYAMA ETSUSHI TOYOKAWA MICHIYO OKUSU J UN KUNI MURA RI HO MAKISE THE FOX DANCE CHI LDREN'S GROUP AI SAOTOME MISAKO WATANABE KANKURO NAKAMURA ITTOKU KISHI BE KOICHI SATO Co-produced by HI DEJI MIYAJI MA TOMIYASU ISHI KAWA ATSUSHI TERANISHI and TOSHIAKI NAKAZAWA Produced by YUKI KO SHII Screenplay by J UNJI SAKAMOTO and ISAMU UNO Music by COBA Cinematography by NORI MICHI KASAMATSU Lighting by KENJI ISHI DA Sound by FUMIO HASHI MOTO Production Design by MITSUO HARADA Edited by TOSHI HI DE FUKANO Distributed by TOKYO THEATRES, CO., LTD. AJ UNJI SAKAMOTO FI LM Subtitles by LI NDA HOAGLUND What is it, Birkoff? We have an airlock penetration in the East portal. - Someone's inside? - Something's inside. Unidentified gas in the East portal. Bio breach, convert to forced O2. - Take one, quickly. - Move, move, move! Reconfigure it. Invert the air vents. Inversion complete. Bio breach contained. Comm. Clear. Systems clear. Tactical clear. Ordinance clear. I understand, George, but there were no casualties. Everything was contained. We're running down possibilities now. I understand but I... I see no reason for you... Yes. George thinks we were compromised by the breach in security? He's sending a bio-med team in to examine us all. Starting with department heads and key operatives. We have our own med-techs who can do that. He's afraid that what hit us is a virus. Similar to what happened to Section Six. They were helpless to do anything so he's going to oversee this personally. This means his people under his complete control. Should we be suspicious? I sent him productivity numbers after the incident. We're at full capacity. What's his rationale? He seems to think some of us are infected with a new strain. - Do you? - No. Anything? PJK clean. So is Crimson Storm. Black Sun? They wouldn't attempt anything as big as this. Sweep them anyway. Okay. I'm sorry, I'm tired. Move over. - Sir? - Yes. The biotech team has arrived. Show them to the infirmary. Walter, you done with that triangulator? - You okay? - Yeah, I... I don't know. Whatever it is that blew into that airlock... it's sort of reshuffled my deck just a little bit. Don't worry about it. Oversight's sending a bio team to examine us. Oh, yeah? Don't worry about it. Yeah. What if they find out that I've been infected? What do you think they're gonna do, then? This is not a convalescent home, you know. Yeah? I'll be right there. They want to see me in the infirmary. - Walter? - Yeah, it's me. Fit as a fiddle. Come in. Why don't you just give me a couple of aspirins... and I'll call myself in the morning. Lie down. - What's that stuff? - It's a sedative. Any particular reason why I need that? Our bio-probe requires the subject to be asleep. - Bio-probe? - You may feel light-headed. - Even hallucinate. - Haven't done that in years. Don't you want to tell me about your life? Yes, I do. - Pues? - I can't. Were you involved in something bad? No, no, I'm not a criminal or anything like that. I work at a place that doesn't exist. I mean, it exists. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? I work for an organization... called Section One. All of a sudden, out of a clear blue sky... you come down here and say thanks for the good work? What do you want me to do, wag my tail? If you want something from me, just come out and say it. Look, I just stopped by to give... to give you a pat on the back. I don't need a pat on the back. I've been doing this job since before you came to Section. And I could probably do your job, too. - Really? - Really. One of these days you're going to carry this "cranky old man" act a little too far. What then? You won't commend me to Oversight? - So how you doing? - I'm okay. You look just as beautiful as ever. So I gather you had a very good time on your days off. No, good doesn't cover it. It transcends good, great, excellent... on its way to splendido. So you gonna see her again? No, I just wanted to see her this once. She's got a life of her own. But it was... It was... Did you really think you could get away with this? Doesn't matter. It's what they wanted. It's called "living". - Living? - Look it up. It's in the dictionary. Walter, you're a 60-year-old teenager. - How is Walter? - I'm afraid he's been infected. Walter? Why doesn't he respond? The infection caused a neural meltdown. He was fine when he came in here. It's incredible, we know. In fact, we've never seen anything quite like this before. We're labbing it now. But my guess is whatever entered his system... worked on the same principle as a computer virus. Deleting the neural zones. Like an accelerated Alzheimer's disease. - So he doesn't know who I am? - Or anyone else for that matter. His mind has been wiped clean. I want all bio-data on my desk as soon as it comes in. You'll have to get George's permission. As long as you're working in my Section, on my people, you'll do as I say. Very well. Would you send Nikita in, please? - Paul? - I'm fine. - Then why are you... - I just got back... from seeing how Walter's check-up was going. - How is he? - He's a vegetable. Seems that the attack was considerably more successful... than we first suspected. Then George was right. Yes, but how could he have been so certain? You think George could have been behind this attack? We went to war with the man. It's possible this is his retribution. Debilitation is grounds for cancellation. I know. Despite all our preventative measures... it seems that George has finally found a way to get rid of us. Once and for all. Lie still. You may feel light-headed. Even hallucinate. It's very normal. Just relax, Nikita. This will all be over very soon. You're not in prison anymore. The world thinks you're dead. Suicide. This is your funeral. No. Row 8, plot 30. This is where you'll train. This is where you'll learn. After two years, if everything goes well, you'll work for us. Why me? When you attack someone from behind, go for the kidneys. It disables and they can't fight back. Consider that your first lesson. I don't want them. I don't want lessons! We start tomorrow morning. 5:00 a.m. - And if I don't want to? - Row 8, plot 30. There's a removable panel behind the blue towels. Tell me when you've opened it. - Okay, it's open. - Pull out the unit and assemble. - Done. - Go to the window and open it. Done. The crime that got Section's attention, the reason I'm here. - Yeah? - I didn't do it. Well, that may be true. But what the hell difference does it make now? Suppose I was framed in the first place? Because they wanted me here? - Why? - Yeah. Why? No one from the outside can understand who we are. We fight all the time just to stay alive. Let's not fight what's between us. Let's take what we can get. - You've heard? - They think Nikita's infected. Michael, we believe that the virus may have come from in-house. We think George might be behind it. - Why? - We don't know. Yet. But we can't make a move until we have a confirm. What we do know... is that the team George sent is doing nothing to cure us. They're here with another objective. And that has something to do with erasing our minds. - Sir? - Yes. They want you in the infirmary now. - Tell them I'm on my way. - Yes, sir. We can't tip our hand. Not yet. Michael, find out if this is George's doing. - And then proceed accordingly. - Of course. - What's going on? - You're being reassigned. He was killed during the war. Actually, he was missing in action. We never recovered a body. He was an intelligence officer in the military. I worked through that years ago. What I'm feeling now has nothing to do with Paul. No one knows about this but you and me, and make sure it stays that way. Above all... Stephen is never to know anything about this conversation or about me. So what's so special about Stephen Wolfe? He's my son. - Did you like it? - The necklace is lovely. Here. You don't want it? Let's not open things up again. We're both much too busy. - Remember this song? - Of course. You can't come in here. We're in the middle of an examination. Nikita. - How's Nikita? - Not good. And Walter? The biotechs are doing something to them, aren't they? Maybe. If they are, we have to do something, Michael. Operations is in there. Two bullets. That's all you need. What we need are answers. It's impossible to jack into their mainframe. They're running juice off their own power cells. That means they're not even wired into our system. - Can you re-route their power? - Yeah, but I'd have to do it myself. You wanted to see me? - Who are you? - I'm Birkoff. Seymour, yes. We'll see you shortly. Return to your post. We'll call you. - You still here? - Yeah. - I'm not feeling very well. - That's why we're here. Piece of cake. Okay, I'm in their system. Can you identify the virus? It's nothing. - What do you mean? - There's no real virus. No treatment. That's impossible. We're all feeling something. It's a surface bug. It's a stimulant to make us feel as if we're sick. How long does it last? Depends on the contamination level. No more than 24 or 36 hours. Then it's gone. George needs us to think we're sick, so we'll submit to treatment. This can't be right. - What is it? - It's a Black directive. Read it. It's a cancellation order with a list of names. We're all on it. - Lf George wants us dead, why the ruse? - He's ordered a neural download first. They're stealing our minds. To extract our expertise. George needs us... but can't risk having us around for fear of insurrection. By harvesting our consciousness... George will be able to build a tactical library. Once he's done, he'll exercise the ultimate power. Non-resistant... Section operatives with years of training at the touch of a button. Can the process be reversed? If it's like a computer virus... the data they mine could be uploaded as well as downloaded. Yeah? I'll be right there. You can't go. She has to, or George will know something's up. We have an advantage now. If we can block the process... one of you can move tactically and reverse what they've done to us. How? How do we stop them from stealing our minds? A neural blocker was developed shortly... after the Galman Mind Control process was green-lit. A fail-safe measure in case Operations was ever subjected... to the mind altering process. You'll find the chemical components in his private data bank. I'll give you the codes. I think with some modifications it'll work. - And if it doesn't? - It has to. Madeline, how are you feeling today? I got it. The neural-blocker from the Galman process. Do you think Operations will believe this is all I extracted from his computer? We could have had a field day with some of the file names I saw. - The chemical breakdown? - It's all here. Are you sure there's nothing wrong? Sometimes, I don't know if I'm still strong enough to do this. You're probably the strongest person I've ever met. I'm sorry, but he's not going to make it. It's just a question of how long he stays on life support. - Will you be making that decision? - I already have. I've decided he's going to recover. His will to live is very strong. Your will to save him has to be strong, too. I'll help you. Go back inside, tell your colleagues to do the possible... then the impossible, and then the unthinkable... until he's out of danger. Because when you're finished, Doctor... that room will contain either four living men or four corpses. - Do you understand? - Okay. You'll have to tell me about yourself someday, Madeline. - Someday. - Get in. Hello, Mother. I've been thinking a lot about you lately. About us. You don't know who I am, do you? I didn't think so. After Sara died, I made a choice. Of course, I didn't realize it was a choice at the time, but it was. I chose to be the person you saw: The girl who killed her sister. And I've created my own hell... and have lived in it ever since. We're still off the mark. Maybe the blocker only works if it's stimulated. Maybe we have to subject ourselves to the process in order for it to work. Don't answer it. - We have to. - We're not finished. - They want me? - Right now. I'm not going. You don't have a choice. - Michael. - Go. I'll finish it. Remember the catalytic response we're looking for... will turn this green. What we have now won't work. Go. You're our only chance. - How'd you get into Section? - I killed my entire family. I'm kidding. Just my sister. You, me. The two of us. Why not? You're the best-Iooking girl in Section. - And you care about me, right? - Sure, I care. What's the problem? I'm the little brother, right? It's called CR-14. If even a small drop enters through a pore in the skin... death is almost instantaneous. Oops. I may have spilled some while I was pouring it into the vial. Kill them! - She's hot for the guy. - Up yours, Birkoff. Anytime, babe. My number's in the book. I'm on my way. It's me, Simone. Don't you remember me? You're okay now. You're safe now. It's okay. You're safe now. You're safe. We're okay, so far. When I was in there and it started to get bad... Michael, don't. Save your strength. I thought I was going to break, but I didn't. I thought of you. You're the only one of us who still has a soul. No, come from this side. - Push at the bottom. Okay? - All right. - Something's wrong. - He's red-lining. Cut the power. - It's not working. - Pull the plug. What the hell? - Did you hot-wire into Section? - No. - Look, I was given orders. - So was I. - Yes? - We're done. I'm on my way. Where's Michael? Take him to the lab. Michael? It's over. - Were our suspicions correct? - Yes. Will George know he failed? I've taken care of that. Did you get my proposal on a Medang tactical situation? Yes, I did. I'm going to need a manpower upgrade for all of Santa Cruz. Request granted. And the ADI project? As you know, I sent you the intel report last month. - I'll see that you get it. - Thank you. - Anything else? - No. Madeline? I have a few requests. I'll forward them to you. Great. Do... Do you two have time for a drink? I'm afraid we're very busy. That will be all, George. You can go now. Right. English Captioning made possible by Warner bros. [Thunder] [Thunder] Big shipment. Armed guards. Late night. What are the chances this little transaction is legal? Wayne: Just make sure you know what you're up against before you jump in. Don't worry. I've got it covered. Man: Shut the doors. We don't need company for this. He's clean. Let's see the merchandise. Cash first. I assume the amount is satisfactory. Oh, yes, and I'm sure you'll find the firepower just as satisfying. Aah! Ohh! Deal's over. Unh. You idiot. You're ruining everything. That's what I'm here for. Unh! Gordon: Hold your fire. He blew the whole sting, commissioner. I'm sorry. I didn't know. Sorry doesn't begin to cut it. [Birds chirping] Not bad. I learned from the best. If only I could figure out how he made those little tea cakes. Crumpets. Right, crumpets. All right, we've made the requisite small talk. Did he tell you what happened? I heard some mistakes were made. Mistakes? It took us 12 months to set up that sting. Men put their lives on the line for it. The boy is still learning. The boy is a hothead. I've been doing some checking on him. I know about his record. 3 months at juvie. Another mistake, I suppose. He seems to make a lot of them. Just make sure this one was his last. In the last 4 years, under my husband's leadership, the d.A.'S office has put 9 organized crime chiefs behind bars, initiated a no-tolerance policy on unregistered guns, and reduced the plea bargain ratio of violent offenders... Keeping them off the streets and in prison, where they belong. But he needs your help if he's going to continue to serve the needs of this city. Mad Stan: Serve the needs of the special-interest fat cats, you mean. Woman: What's going on? [Murmuring] The whole political system is corrupt. Man: Fire! Over here. Money. That's what it's all about, man. Well, I'm gonna stop it. Take out all the big money in one big blast. Go ahead, commissioner, make your call. I've wired the whole ballroom. No one gets out. Aah! Grrr... You fried it. Oof! Yaah! Ohh... My vest protects me, Batman, like your suit. [Screaming] Only better. Ha ha ha ha ha! Huh? Unh. Ahh... Stinking establishment flunky. You're all infected with the disease of bureaucracy, but I know the cure, man. All of you must be destroyed. All of you! Not if I have anything to say about it. Aah! Unh! [Explosions] Get back, man! I'll blow out this whole floor. I don't think so. Unh! Oof. Mad Stan: Go ahead. Take me in. You know I'll get out. And when I do, I'll finish this job once and for all. You're right, and I can't let that happen. No! Ohh! Don't! Aah! Gordon: Drop it. Drop it! Commissioner. Hold it! Is he... Dead. This is my fault. I should've done something sooner, but now I'm finally going to put an end to it. To what, commissioner? To Batman. I told you he's not home. Do you mind if we search for him? As a matter of fact, I do. Is he in some kind of trouble? Look, all I know is the commissioner wants him brought in for questioning. If you see him, let us know. You've heard, haven't you? [Grrr] Where is he? Where's mcginnis? Not here. When he comes, you have to turn him over. If you take him in, you'll expose his secret... And mine... And yours. What other choice do I have, do we have? Believe me, I'm acutely aware of the ramifications. I have a husband running for re-election. How long do you think that'll last when this hits the web? No one can protect us this time, Bruce. He went too far. [Cell phone rings] [Ring] Terry? Bruce, you gotta help me. I don't know why, but the cops are after me. Did you think you could get away with killing mad Stan? Killing? What are you talking about? Barbara was an eyewitness. She saw everything. All I did was hit him with my elbow. He was knocked out, not dead. She wouldn't lie. And I would? Where are you? If you want me to trust you, you've gotta trust me. I'm at Max's. Stay there. Computer, access grand hotel security. Video link, 10:30 P.M. Parking garage, level 6. [Ring] So? Bruce: I checked the hotel security tapes. Yeah? There was some kind of electronic interference. I couldn't see anything. Aw, jeez, Bruce, you gotta believe me. I do. It's too coincidental. There's something else going on here. What do we do? I'm trying to enhance the video. It's going to take awhile. In the meantime, I think we should pay mad Stan a visit. I'm in. Good. Now find room b-15. It's locked. Ughh. Bruce: Cold? No. Creepy. So where does mad Stan, um... Reside? Police files say row double-j, number 6. They haven't done the autopsy yet. Good. We can do our own. Hey, I had trouble with the frog in bio lab. An electronic scan should tell us what we need to know. Open it. Whoa. Now I'm really creeped. What is it? He's gone. Somebody must've gotten here first, taken the body. Or maybe it was never there to begin with. Hold on. I hear something. [Bones clattering] Bruce: Well? Maybe it was the air conditioning. [Alarm sounds] Man, I must've tripped something! Stay where you are. Stop right there. You're surrounded, Batman. There's no escape. You might as well surrender. Sorry, not in my vocabulary. Oh, I'm fragged. Unh! Unh! We got him, commissioner. He's not going anywhere. He's gone. Give me a U.V. sweep, now! There he is. Stop him. Satcom recon, I need a trace on car 29-Abel right now. Batman: What now? Dump the vehicle as fast as you can. They'll have a tracer on it. You should be flying above old town right now. There's an underground tunnel behind the old majestic theatre. Find it and link up with me when you get there. What took you so long? Aah! Aah! Aah! [Whimpers] Good. Now we'll see what really happened. Play sequence. Why would Barbara see something different? Play again. Freeze frame. Enlarge. Enhance. Unh! [Com beeps] Yes? Bruce: It's me. You're not authorized to use this frequency. Get off it now. Barbara, you have to listen to me. Wrong. Those days are long gone, Bruce. Unh. Terry. A little busy right now. Put your visor through a frequency scan. Why? Because I know who's behind all this. And I'm betting he's there right now, hiding behind an illusion. Spellbinder. Hold your fire. This better not be a trick. Sorry. [Gasps] Didn't know you had a shadow, did you, commissioner? Spellbinder? He was there at the garage with us. He used his powers to create an illusion. That's why I saw you kill mad Stan. But I didn't. I wouldn't. You were so ready to believe the worst. It was easy. Lock him up. Sorry, kid. I guess I blew it. I've been there. Terry: So the commissioner calls her personally and says she just wanted to award me with a student service medal. So now I'm in like shway city with my mom. She's even taking me out to celebrate. That's nice. You know, this could've been a bad scene. If you hadn't believed in me... Old news. By the way, have you heard about your so-called victim? Mad Stan? Did they finally find him? Oh, yes. [Evil laughter] Finally, an end to the bureaucratic nightmare. No more graft. No more payoffs. No more jury duty! Ha ha ha ha ha! [Cackling] Wonder what he's so happy about. [Cackling] Captioning made possible by Warner bros. Previously on La Femme Nikita. We have one hour. Michael and Nikita are having outside contact. I don't see how a relationship between two operatives can be dangerous. Michael, we're playing with fire. Deny everything. I think we should proceed with our original plan. It's dangerous. Then proceed with caution. Madeline? Whenever your last meeting with Michael was... I hope you made the most of it. I don't love you anymore. It's time to put Nikita to the test. Do you think it's premature? No. Enough time has passed. What about her interactions? She will no longer be capable of forming an emotional bond... with anyone. What about previous ties? Michael means nothing to her. Not anymore. She's a perfect robot. - Committed too soon. - Why do you say that? You already had turned left... I'm sorry. What did you think, we were taking a break? - You changed your style. - To improve my technique. - Only your moves. - What else is there? Comes from inside. You all right? They're watching us. I know. Yeah. Josephine. Hello. What are you doing here? I think I just soiled a new pair of skivvies. What are you doing here? Came by for a cup of sugar. How did you get the key to my apartment? Oh, do we have to do this, cupcake? We were mates. It's way past the third degree, all right? All right. You gave me one when you went to Africa, remember? You asked me to water your plants. I made a copy. You've got such scrumptious munchies in your fridge. Give me the key. Oh, lovely. Look at this. I treat them like they're my own little seedlings. You turn the place into a horticultural cemetery. This is bad karma. Get what you need and leave. Hey, Michael. What do you need? Have you talked to Nikita lately? No, I saw her come in. She didn't stop by. You know she always does. For greetings and salutations. Don't mean to make you jealous. Talk to her. About what? Listen to her voice. Look in her eyes. I don't get you, Michael. Just talk to her. We've just been informed... that one of our remote cell teams in Latvia was targeted by Nationalists. The team was wiped out... except for Irina Kerensky, a level-four operative. She's being held hostage. She was at a high level briefing just hours before the grab. If she's still alive, what she knows could do a lot of damage. She's been trained to resist interrogation... but we don't know how long she can hold out. We have coordinates. Birkoff will finish your prep in Systems. Go get her. Pull over there. We have to check it out. I'm in. Proceed east through the central tunnel. Main access is 50 meters ahead. Sub-basement vent. Unmonitored. No hostiles. Okay, Nikita, you should see the vent after you turn. Got it. I'm at second mark. Estimate two minutes to target. Perimeter teams, hold your positions. Nikita, hostiles still in place. Nikita, you're clear to target. Michael, she's here. What about hostiles? I took out three. I didn't see anyone else. - And Kerensky? - Still alive. It looks like remote interrogation. She's behind bulletproof glass. Nikita, how does it look? She claims she hasn't given any information yet. What's your recommendation? If we incinerate, we'll have 100o% containment. Destroying an embassy is severe. There will be fallout for months. Taking Section operatives is severe. I want our enemies to know that. Do you think she'll do it? There's only one way to find out. Okay, Nikita. Request for incineration approved. Set the sequence to 30 seconds. - All teams evacuate. - Nikita, stand by. I'm working on a contingency. Thirty seconds. Nikita, can you hear me? There are children on the premises. I hear you, Michael. Twenty-five seconds. Now we know. What are you doing here? I want some answers. We have two minutes. Sixteen people died in the embassy explosion. - What's going on? - They're watching me, Michael. I had to do it. Kill people? I knew you'd activate the alarm. I reduced the impact charge in the device. I tried to place it somewhere there'd be minimal damage. I had no choice. Why? They're trying to reprogram me. I had to let them think they'd succeeded. When did it start? The Genefex mission. You weren't at the rendezvous point. Birkoff sent me upstairs. Madeline was waiting. I was tranqued. I don't know what they did, but when I awoke... I knew they'd been messing with my mind. They tried to strip me of my humanity. No feelings. No connection with anyone. Why didn't you let me help you? There was too much surveillance. Believe me. Believe me. I have to go. No feelings. No connection with anyone. Why didn't you let me help you? There was too much surveillance. No feelings. No connection with anyone. We're running redundancies. I gotta get back. I want you to run an eye analysis for me, please. That's a monolux disk. I can't open it without being detected. Run it during the redundancy check, when the system segregates. If it doesn't complete by the time I'm done... I get caught with my hand in the cookie jar. - Isn't there some other way? - No. It's for Nikita. I'll see what I can do. Quite frankly, it doesn't make sense to me, George. We got to Kerensky before there was exposure. Yes. All right. Fine. There's a problem? He thinks the embassy was being used. That there was no alliance with the target group. Who cares? The mission was successful. He won't listen! I could do so much more if he were out of the picture. We tried. For the time being, we have to comply. - Yes? - Nikita is waiting. Send her in. Yes, sir? We were pleased with your clarity in yesterday's mission. Thank you. How does it feel to be back in Section? I feel good. Ready. And your interaction with others? They seem to expect more than I care to give. And what do you think that might be? The emotional component. - Like we talked about with Michael. - Yes. It's unnecessary for us. But they need it. Well, I could smile more. Begin with Walter. Oh, jeez. You scared the devil out of me. I'm sorry. I just came by to say hello. You did? Yeah, I wanted to apologize for yesterday. After the briefing, I didn't have time to talk. Yeah, well, what was all that about? Well, you know, I haven't been out for a while... and they're watching me pretty closely. I... I don't want to mess up. If you ask me, you're going a little too far out of your way to please them. What do you mean? Yesterday... - you took out half an embassy. - I know. - It was horrible. - Oh, no. Really, it was a tough call. I know. Hey, come here. Come here. It's okay, sugar. It's okay. Thanks, Walter. Any time. Everything okay with you? Me? I can't complain. Building bombs. Chasing girls. You know me. Yeah. Yeah, I know you. Michael, you were right. The irregularities in Nikita 's eye movement suggested neural engineering. Four years ago, Operations approved a research proposal... based on the work of a neurobiologist named Ross Gelman. I don't know if Gelman's methods were used on Nikita... but if they were, I'd look for someone who has been close to her. Not just in Section, but at home. The process requires maintenance. Michael, what a pleasant surprise. Michael, lovely to see you. Shall we go to my place for a drink? You know I've got a problem with guns. Do you mind? What are you doing to Nikita? Me? To Nikita? Do you think I've been rogering her? Michael! Michael! Absolutely not. No! No, no, no. You got it all wrong. It's not that I didn't try, of course. Before I found out about the two of you. What are you doing here? I'm watering her plants. They do look a bit thirsty. I grant you, maybe I was slacking off. - Bye, Mick. - Wait! Wait! I'll show you. Slowly. Very slowly. Don't ask me what it is. What do you do with it? I just splash a few drops on the floor. Why? Do you know the old saw, Michael? "You tell me, we'll both know." Who at Section asked you to do this? I haven't a clue. It was done anonymously. Look, mate, I like Nikita. This hasn't exactly been my favorite detail. She's changed. She has. It's got something to do with that. But, you know, I wasn't exactly given a choice. Michael, if you take that, they will find out and blame me. It's possible. Did you find Gelman? He hasn't surfaced since he went rogue. Four missions have already gone out for his retrieval. All failed. Why? I think he took some technology with him. He's monitoring our channels. That's how he sees us coming every time. What's our estimated return on this mission? Tomorrow at 3:00 pm. Make it 6:00. He owes me for St. Petersburg. I can find him. - What do I say? - I'll let you know on site. Birkoff, I've been looking all over for you. You were supposed to be on five. I was, but I had to come back here to run a diagnostic. Stockholm just gave us a positive... on the group behind the Kerensky kidnapping. We'll go tomorrow as planned. Tell Michael to assemble his team. Yes, sir. Michael. Multi-channel transmitter with a confidential broadcast band. - I didn't see that in the profile. - It wasn't. Here you go. Reach out and touch someone. - Birkoff's working on a location. - Good. We need to take care of this soon. - Have you heard from George? - Indirectly. They're still monitoring this one closer than I'd like. At least it keeps his attention away from other things. Yes. I just saw Nikita. I have to say... she shows no sign of weakness. Your methods continue to amaze me. I wish I were as optimistic. What do you mean? We had success with our original subject... but remember, that was a controlled situation. With someone on the outside, there are variables beyond our control. That's true. But so far, she seems to be behaving exactly as planned. Nikita is an excellent actor. We can't forget that. A few days ago, I might have shared your concern. But now, I don't even think Michael can touch her. Hey, my sugar. One of these days, I'm gonna figure out... how someone so sweet can be so smart. Don't kid yourself. I'm not that sweet. Seems fine. Same old Nikita. - I'll pursue. - Nikita, hold. - I can get him. - Hold. Wait for instructions. Birkoff, target escaped. I'm pursuing. Right. I'll monitor. Michael, you have one hour to get to Gelman. Sorry I'm late. I was just making sure the perimeter is clean. I told you I was coming alone. And you're a man of your word. It's just that... Well, I've been doing this for quite a while. It's become habit. I wouldn't do this for anyone else. I owe you for St. Petersburg. So, tell me. What's this about? You did research on mind control, segregating certain parts of the brain. - What about it? - Does it work? I don't know. They never tested it outside the lab. Yes, they did. On who? Three months ago, they subjected someone on my team. Is it reversible? Yes. - Do you have the process? - No. Who does? It's in Section. Where? There's only one copy of the program. It's on the computer in the lab. The original test subject. Who was the original subject? If I tell you that, you're a dead man. I want to know. - That's why you left. - Wouldn't you? - What was the problem? - No problem. He ran away, and I tracked him down. He should have been contained in the first place. Michael's lying. There was no escape. He created a scenario to give himself time. Yes? He's trying to find out what's been done to me. - Is he making progress? - Yes, I think so. Why do you think he's doing this? Because he loves me. Yes. He does. That'll be all, Nikita. With Nikita's corroboration, we can convince Oversight... that Michael's gone too far. Get me George. Hey, Walter, what's going on? I don't know. But it looks bad, amigo. They're going after Michael. Sir, we're here. Requesting final confirmation. Kill him. Sir, we have a problem. English I enjoyed a normal childhood. My four sisters and I weren't raised like rich kids. We were privileged - even over privileged - but not spoiled. I knew best what was right and wrong for me. Most things came easily - sports, social relationships, schoolwork, life. I grew up in a sheltered environment, supremely self-confident. I knew - or thought I knew - who I was. More a doer than a thinker, an athlete than a student, a social being than a loner. I was ever practical. I could see people and situations plainly, without frills and never doubted my ability to handle myself in any circumstance. Of course, there's little one can do to prepare for the unknown. 'Mom? Dad? Dad? Mom? Dad? Mom? Dad? Mom? Dad? What are you gonna do to me? Mom? Dad? Mom? Dad? I'm not being starved or beaten. Mom? Dad? Mom? Dad? - Mom? Dad? - Who are you? Mom? Dad? Mom? Dad? - What are you gonna do to me? - Who are you? What are you gonna do to me? I am not being starved or beaten or unnecessarily frightened. - I'm OK. - Mom? Dad? Mom? Dad? - Who are you? - Mom? Dad? - What are you gonna do to me? - Who are you? I am not being starved or beaten or unnecessarily frightened. I'm OK. - I'm OK. - Who are you? Mom? Dad? What you see is what you get. We got to be very cool, the lady upstairs is sick. - The landlady said, be very cool. - The apartment's a lot more intimate. I planned it that way. Make yourself comfortable. ... one day they totally disappeared until the senior prom, when in walks Father Michael wearing plaid pants and a tie-dye T-shirt accompanied by Sister Mary Fatima, SSND, in a white miniskirt, plastic go-go boots... That looks weird, why don't you put on the chain? Hey, I just hit some car. Can I use your phone? Shut up and lie the fuck down! - Don't move! - Face to the floor, mother fuckin' bitch! Where's the money? - Shut your mouth, motherfucker! - Steve! Turn over, motherfucker! - Steve! - Shut up! Shut up! Hey, you guys all right here? Watch him! Watch him! No! No! - Grab her other leg! - I got it. - Keep quiet! Shut up! - Don't look at me, bitch! - Cin! Help! Help! In there. No! No! Please, God... Please, God, please, God, don't bury me. Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among... Go, move, move! Thanks for the rental. Who are you? What are you gonna do to me? Don't worry, you're worth more alive. - Slow down. - They don't wanna be seen. They want a ransom. It'll all be over in a few days. They're not going to kill me. It's just a closet. You scared of black? Don't touch the dial. We only tell you once. You wanna live? Not one sound. Not one. - My name is Cin. - Like the devil. Cinque - I'm the general field marshal of the Symbionese Liberation Army. - What's that? - Everybody know about the SLA. How can you be so dumb? SLA killed Marcus Foster. You are a prisoner of war! We're gonna negotiate a prisoner exchange to free our two comrades who are now being beaten and tortured in the fascist prison system of America. Patricia Hearst, daughter of Randolph A. Hearst, corporate enemy of the people. One of five arrests made across the country by combat units of the SLA according to the Geneva Convention governing prisoners of war. There's a revolution goin' on in this country! The people have declared war on the fascist American government! The revolution is happening right now, bitch, in good old, fascist America! Against me? A regular Marie Antoinette. She didn't know anything about the French Revolution until they cut off her head. Yeah. Any trouble from you and we hang you from the ceilin' by your feet like the dead pig you are. Barnyard slaughter. And don't be thinkin' rescue, baby. Oh, Edmund, it's wonderful! But what about Melchy and Raleigh? You must have brought something for them as well. Nursie's got her beard, I've got my stick; what about the two boys? Um, yes, yes... Well, there was... - There was one thing. - Good. A fine wine from the Far East! A most delicious beverage! Have a taste, boys, and tell us what you think! - Oh, it certainly has plenty of nose! - Oh, yes, this is very familiar. I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that there is an inexhaustible supply. # Sir Francis and Sir Walter had Discovered new worlds and new nations # And though Blackadder thought them mad, He tried his hand at navigation # Blackadder, Blackadder, He saw the oceans foam # Blackadder, Blackadder, He should have stayed at home # Blackadder, Blackadder, He heard the new world's call # Blackadder, Blackadder, Discovered bugger all Go away! My lord, there is someone at the door to see you. - What time is it? - Four o'clock. You mustn't let me sleep all day. This woman charges by the hour. No, my lord, it's four o'clock in the morning. Someone wants to see me at four in the morning? - What is he, a giant lark? - No, he's a priest. Tell him I'm Jewish. Aren't you going to introduce me, then? Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend? Baldrick, I'm delighted to introduce you to ... - Sorry, I've forgotten your name. - Mollie. - This is Mollie. A dear friend. - I'm not dear. I'm very reasonable actually, Baldrick. Most would charge an extra sixpence for all the things he wants to do. Baldrick, this is Mollie. An inexpensive prostitute. Mollie, this is Baldrick. A pointless peasant. - What about the priest? - Tell him to get out of here. If he comes begging again... ..I shall report him to the Bishop of Bath and Wells... ..who drowns babies and eats them in the vestry afterwards. Very good, my lord. - Bye, Baldrick. - Bye-bye, Mollie. Get out! When you should be whispering sweet nothings like: "Something twice the size of the Royal Barge has hove into view"... You don't say a word. But enter the Creature Of The Black Latrine and you won't stop jabbering. He was treating me like a human being. If I wanted a lecture on the rights of Man, I would have slept with Martin Luther. Yes, Baldrick. What is it now? The priest still wants to see you. Did you mention the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells? He said: "I am the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells!" Good lord! - You haven't got any children? - No. I'm not married. In that case, I'll skip breakfast and get straight down to business. Do you know what day it is today? It is exactly one year ago... ..that the Bank of the Black Monks of St. Herod, "Banking with a smile and a stab", of which I am the assistant manager, lent you one thousand pounds. Our motto is: Repayment or Revenge. Of course, and naturally I'd have paid you back, but... I've gone and lost my wallet. Disastrous! It had all my little notes saying: "Forget ye not" and, of course, all my money! That's no concern of mine. The debt is now due. Not to repay a loan is a sin, and we Black Monks, we hate sin! Your Grace, this is my mother. Mother this is... Good morning, my dear. I hope you haven't forgotten our appointment. Of course not, Pumpy! You know, I have a mind to play "Nuns and Novices". - So don't forget your wimple. - OK! And, as for you, you come with me. - Where? - To visit the last poor fool who... ..lost his wallet! "William Greeves: born 1513 in Chelshood with the love of Christ." "Died 1563 in... ..agony with a spike up his bottom." 'Tis ever with the Black Monks! Scream and gurgle as they skewered his catflap for want of a farthing! I think you get my message. Tell me, Bishop, let me just test the waters here, so to speak. Supposing I was to say to you: I'm a friend of the Queen's and I think she would like to hear... ..about you, Mollie and the wimple. Why don't we just call it quits, Fatso? I would say, firstly, the Queen would not believe you. And secondly, you'll regret calling me Fatso later today! I will have my money by Evensong tonight or... Your bottom will wish it had never been born! Poor Tom's cold! Pity poor Tom for his nose is frozen. And he does shiver, and he's mad! Oh, shut up! So, lads. I'm up a certain creek without a certain instrument. Either I raise a thousand pounds by this evening, or I get murdered. It's obvious. You'll have to get murdered. - You'll never raise that sort of money. - Come now, Baldrick. A thousand? Pay the fellow, Edmund, and damn his impudence. I haven't got a thousand, dunghead! I've got 85 quid. You're always boasting to the Queen about how wealthy you are. A cunning web of deceit, subtly spun about the court to improve my standing. - Do you mean you've been...fibbing? - Yep. My whole life has been a tissue of whoppers. I consider myself one of England's finest liars. A giant hummingbird is about to eat your hat and cloak! You see? I'm terrific at it. It seems to have gone now. Couldn't you just dip into the family fortune? My father blew it all on wine, women and amateur dramatics. At the end he was eking a living doing impressions of Anne of Cleeves. Edmund, I am sorry. I had no idea. I have some small savings harvested from my weekly allowance... ..set aside against my frail old age. But lucky haps, it is just over a thousand... ..and has been hidden beyond the wit of any thief, in an old sock... ..under the squeaky floorboard behind the kitchen dresser! - You've seen it! - Seen it, pinched it, spent it. The same goes for the two farthings Baldrick thinks he has hidden. Then you are doomed. Alas. For God's sake, let us sit upon the carpet... ..and tell sad stories. When Lord Blackadder is in trouble, he does not sit about. You won't be able to sit with a spike up your bottom. But still, I've got 85 quid and that's a start. I'll think of something as long as I'm not disturbed. The Queen dost demand your urgent presence on pain of death. The path of my life... ..is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own satanic herd! - Madam, you sent for me. - Did I? I can't remember. What a naughty scatterbrain I am! Zap! Well, perhaps, Ma'am, if I might be allowed to withdraw. Certainly. - That was a terrific joke, wasn't it? - Magnificent! What, my Lady? I do know why I wanted to see you, I pretended I didn't. I fooled you. And it worked brilliantly, didn't it? It was terrific, Madam. I thank God I wore my corset, because I think my sides have split. So, why did you want to see me? To crack the lovely joke. Or perhaps you don't think the Queen's jokes are funny enough? Au contraire. I'm ecstatic about the whole incident. I didn't laugh out loud because I was afraid if I did... ..my head would've fallen off. If you don't start soon, your head will fall off! Now pay Melchy his 85 pounds and run along. - 85 pounds? - We had a bet. I said you wouldn't fall for my trick, Melchy said you would... ..because I'm so super and you're so stupid. You owe him 85 pounds. Fine, fine. I mean, it's only money, isn't it? I cannot believe it! She drags me all the way from Billingsgate... ..to play about the weakest practical joke... ..since Cardinal Wolsey got his knob out at Hampton Court... ..and stood at the end of the passage pretending to be a door. Shut up, Baldrick. You'd laugh at a Shakespeare comedy. Edmund! I've awaited your return. And thank God you did, for I was thinking: I die in 12 hours. What I really need now is a hug from a complete prat! But fear not, I have a plan to save the life of my dear friend. Look, I'm not interested in your friends! What about me? Not bad, Edmund. That's a good one. What's your big plan, blockhead? I intend to discover, this afternoon, the secret of alchemy. The hidden art of turning base things into gold. The fact that this secret has eluded the most intelligent people... ..doesn't dampen your spirits? Oh no. I like a challenge. Well, Balders, I lost 85 quid. The grave opens up before me like a... big hole in the ground. Well, I did have one idea, my lord. But it's stupid. What is it? I have heard there's good money to be made down the docks. Doing favours for sailors. Favours? What do you mean? Delivering messages, sewing on buttons? - Not quite. - Baldrick! Are you suggesting I become a rent boy? Well, a good-looking bloke like you. Posh accent, nice legs... Just stick a pink carnation in your hat and make the old sign. I'd rather die. That's all right then. I'll put the kettle on while we wait. On second thoughts... With a slight alteration, your sick and sordid plan might just work. Give me a kiss and I'll give you a penny. - A penny? ! - All right then, tuppence! - Oh, all right, go on. - Nothing fancy, just a peck. I miss my mum, you see. When I was little, my mum used to... Look, get a move on. He's a prostitute, not an agony aunt! Just a little peck on the cheek, and say: "There, there, Arthur. Mummy'll kiss it better and you shall have a story." Well, I don't know. Do you do requests, Baldrick? - Kinky stuff? Yeah, I'm game. - Go on, please. I miss my mother so much. I mean, she was like a mother to me! I've forgotten what I'm supposed to say. There, there, Arthur. Mummy'll kiss it better and you shall have a story. - What kind of story? - One about a squirrel, I suppose. And then Squirry the Squirrel went... And they all went home for tea. Thanks very much, me ol' shivering mateys! How much do you charge for a good hard shag? - A thousand pounds. - You've got to be joking! Well, I'm sure we could negotiate. Right, so we've got sixpence. All we need to do, my lord... ..is to go down the cockfights and put it on a bird that's a dead cert... ..but has got odds of forty thousand to one. - Know you of such a bird? - No, but we could make one. No, we couldn't, Baldrick. I suppose you have to be told some time. What happens is: a mummy bird and a daddy bird... ..who love each other, get certain urges... What I mean is: we could get a mad wild killer bull... ..and disguise it as a bird. It'll be such a strange-looking bird that no-one will back it. We'll know it's a killer bull so we'll put money on it. - Only we will know? - If we stick enough feathers on it... ..and hang an egg between its legs. A chat with you and somehow death loses its sting. The Queen dost demand your presence on pain of death. You're not making friends here, you do know that? Madam, you sent for me again. Yes, Edmund. I wanted to apologise for the silly trick I played on you. It was naughty and bad of me. It was, my little rosebud. If you weren't quite so big, it'd be time for Mr and Mrs Spank. Thank you, Nursie. And thank you, Edmund. - That's all. - Yes, thanks for coming. That was very funny too, wasn't it? My Lady? Dragging you all the way here again just to say sorry for the first time. It was Melchett's idea. I think it's wonderful, don't you? Melchett, I prostrate myself at the feet of the world's greatest comedian. Oh, you are super, Edmund. I promised Lord Melchett that I would play with him. But we have no coin. Do you have a halfpenny? Unfortunately, only a sixpence. What a shame! - A sixpence will do just as well. - Oh, good! It stinks like a pair of armoured trousers after the Hundred Years War! Baldrick, have you been eating dung again? My lord! Success! After literally an hour's ceaseless searching... ..I have succeeded in creating gold. Pure gold! - Are you sure? - Yes, my lord. Behold! Percy, it's green. That's right, my lord. I don't want to be pedantic. But the colour of gold is gold. That's why it's called gold. What you've discovered... ..if it has a name, is some green. Oh, Edmund, can it be true? That I hold here, in my mortal hand... ..a nugget of purest green? Indeed you do. Except, it's not only a nugget as it is more of a splat. Well, yes. A splat today, but tomorrow, who knows? Or dares to dream! We three alone in all the world can create the finest green at will. Thus so! I'm not sure of counting in Baldrick, actually. You know what your great discovery means, don't you? That you, Percy... Lord Percy, are an utter berk. Baldrick! Pack my bags. I'm going to sell the house. There's nothing else for it. I shall miss the old place, I know. I've had some happy times here, when you and Percy have been out. But needs must when the Devil vomits into your kettle. Baldrick, go forth and say that Blackadder wishes to sell his house. Percy, just go forth. - And this is the den. - Oh, dear. But I have to tell you, Mr Pants... ..that I've had an extremely encouraging nibble from another client. You know me well enough to know that I don't ignore a nibble for long. I noticed some dry rot in the bedrooms, Timothy. Well, Mrs Pants, dry rot is as dry rot does. - Stop me if I'm getting too technical. - The floors are a little uneven. Indeed yes, Madam, and at no extra cost! - Strange smell. - That's the servant, he'll be gone. You've really worked out your banter, haven't you? Not really. This is a different thing. It's spontaneous and it's called wit. - And the privies? - When the master craftsman... ..was looking at the sewage, he said to himself: "Romeo, let's make them functional, and comfortable." - That seems nice, dear. - I think we understand each other. - It's sold then. Drink? - What about the privies? Well, what we're talking about in privy terms... ..is the very latest in front-wall, fresh-air orifices... You mean you crap out of the window. Yes! Well! In that case, we'll definitely take it! I can't stand those dirty indoor things. There! That's the lot. He only wanted to pay a thousand, but I beat him up to eleven hundred. - You wily old trickster, you! - I only named the price. It was Baldrick who actually beat him up. Percy, what is that on the front of your tunic? 'Tis a brooch, my lord. A brooch cunningly fashioned from pure green. It looks like you've sneezed. It is with trinkets such as this brooch, and here, a ring... ..that I intend to revive your fortunes and buy back your house. You think there's a big market for jewellry that looks like snot? The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed. - My lord. - Messenger, thank God. We couldn't have waited another second without you. - Majesty! - Thank God. Terrible news! The French intend to invade, Blackadder. So I need some money. Yes, every nobleman must pay 500 pounds. But we've decided to make you a special case. Melchy hasn't got a bean, so we thought, as you're so wealthy... ..you could pay for both! I have a cash-flow crisis and haven't got any money on me. - But, Edmund... - Sorry! What's that in your tights? It looks like just over a thousand pounds. - So it is. - You said you didn't have any. I thought you meant "real" money. This is just a bit of loose change. A thousand pounds loose in your tights... That's flash! OK, hand it over. Thanks. Bye. Well, goodbye indeed. Goodbye, Ma'am. Goodbye, Melchett. Goodbye, Nursie. Bye! Silly old Edmund! He was completely fooled. - That was a brilliant joke, Melchy. - Brilliant, Ma'am! And now I'm going to have you executed. It's for taking the mickey out of my dear Edmund so cruelly. - I'm gonna knock your block off. - Majesty, I only intended to please! Oh, please! I so want to live! Praise the Lord for the gift of laughter! I've lost the money. I'm going to have to run away. - Why, my lord? - To avoid these monks! No point. The Black Bank's got branches everywhere. If I die, Baldrick, do you think people would remember me? People would be slapping each other on the shoulders... ..and saying: "Do you remember old Privy-breath?" Do people call me "Privy-breath"? - The ones who like you. - Am I then not popular? When people slip in what dogs have left in the street... ..they do tend to say: "Whoops, I've trod on an Edmund". Bloody cheek! I'll show them. Have you got a plan, my lord? Yes. It's so cunning you could brush your teeth with it. All I need is some feathers, a dress, some oil, an easel... ..lots of paper, a prostitute and the best portrait painter in England. The most famous portrait painter in England: Mr Leonardo Acropolis! - Right, are you any good? - No! I am...a genius! Well, you'd better be, or you're dead! Right, in the bedroom, Beardface. Baldrick, get the door. My lord, the Bishop of Bath and Wells. The time has come, Blackadder! The Black Monks will have their money. Or I will have my fun. - You enjoy your work, don't you? - Bits of it, yes. - The violent bits. - Yes. You see, I am a colossal pervert. No form of sexual depravity is too low for me. Animal, vegetable or mineral... I'll do anything to anything. Fine words for a Bishop. Nice to hear the Church speaking out on social issues for a change. - Have you got the money? - Nope. Good. I hate it when people pay up. Say your prayers, Blackadder. It's poker time! Fine. Are you ever concerned that people might find you out? No. I kill, I maim, I fornicate. As far as my flock is concerned my only vice is a tipple before Evensong. Oh, thank you. Bend over, Blackadder! This is where you get... Drugged by God! No, by Baldrick, but the effect is much the same. Wakey, wakey, Bish. You clerics really are slugabeds. - Where am I? I remember...drugged. - That's right. You should have killed me while you had the chance. You have looked in wonder at your last dawn, Blackadder! I'm not so sure. I did wonder what people who saw this might think. Heavens above, what creatures from Hell are those? They make an interesting couple? I think you'll recognise... ..this huge, sweating mound of blubber here, Fatso. There's no point. We have the preliminary sketches. We'll soon make some copies. One for the Queen, one for the Archbishop. And a couple to form the basis of an exhibition of a young artist's work. By the horns of Beelzebub, how did you get me into that position? Beautifully framed, don't you think? It's exactly what happened to you. Never have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the Church? No, I could never get used to the underwear. I could use eleven hundred pounds to buy back my house, four thousand pounds to cover some sundry expences... ..and thruppence for a celebratory binge at Mrs Miggins' pie shop. Yes, but first, one question: Who is the second figure? Who could you have got to have performed such deeds, to have plunged the depths of degradation just to save your filthy life? Percy, may I introduce His Grace, the Bishop of Bath and Wells. Your Grace, Lord Percy Percy, heir to the Duchy of Northumberland. Hello. It was lovely working with you. # Take heed the moral of this tale Be not a borrower or lender # And ifyour finances do fail Make sure your banker's not a bender # Blackadder, Blackadder He trusted in the Church # Blackadder, Blackadder It left him in the lurch # Blackadder, Blackadder His life was almost done # Blackadder, Blackadder Who gives a toss? No-one. I must say it was jolly nice of you to ask me to share your breakfast. It is said that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent company. Through learned discourse, he may rise above savage and closer to God. Yes, I've heard that. I like to start the day with a dickhead to remind me I'm best. Beshrew me, Edmund! You're in good fooling. Don't say 'beshrew me', Only stupid actors say that. Oh, how I would love to be an actor! I had great talent for it. I was the man of a thousand faces. How'd you come to choose the ugly mug you've got now? - Tush, my lord. - Don't say 'tush' either. It's a short step from 'tush' to 'hey nonny' and then I'll call the police. God pats me on the head and says: "Good boy, Edmund!" My aunt and uncle, Lord and Lady Whiteadder... ..the two most fanatical puritans in England... ..have invited themselves to dinner here tonight. Aren't they the most frightful bores? They have one great redeeming feature; their wallets. More capacious than an elephant's scrotum and as difficult to get into. At least until now, for tonight they wish to discuss my inheritance. Hey nonny nonny, my lord! Good news! Baldrick! Why have you got cheese tied to the end of your nose? To catch mice, my lord. I lie on the floor with my mouth open and hope they scurry in. - And do they? - Not yet, my lord. I'm not surprised. Your breath comes straight from Satan's bottom. The only mouse you're going to catch is one without a nose. That's a pity, the nose is the best bit on a mouse. That would be luxury compared to what Percy and I must eat tonight. We are entertaining puritan vegetable folk, Balders. - And that means no meat. - Then I shall make Turnip Surprise. - And the surprise is? - There's nothing in it except turnip. So, the Turnip Surprise would be a turnip. Oh yeah... Get the door, Baldrick. If things go as planned, congratulations are in order. Nice try, Percy. But you're not getting a penny. I would advise you to make your explanation phenomenally good. - You said: "Get the door". - You're fired. But, my lord, I've been in your family since 1532! So has syphilis. Now get out! By the way, there was a messenger outside. He says the Queen wants to see you; Lord Melchett is very sick. - He's at Death's door. - My old reinstated family retainer. Let's go and open it for him, then! Edmund! Quick! Melchett's dying. We must do something! Yes, of course. Some sort of celebration. But let's wait until he's actually snuffed it. Nursie's old methods don't seem to be working. It all started last night at about two o'clock. I was tucked into bed having a scrummy dream about ponies... ..when I was wakened by a terrific banging from Lord Melchett. I never knew he had it in him. It's true! He was banging on the castle gate, falling over... And singing a strange song about a girl who possessed something... Oh, yes. It's a lovely old hymn. I think I know what's wrong with Lord Melchett. And unfortunately, it isn't fatal. Hurry up and cure the horrible man. I'm fed up with him moaning. And letting off such great and fruitsome flappy woof-woofs. One can't believe one's tiny nosy. The truth is, Lord Melchett just can't take his ale. I may be a little delicate this morning, but what I drank last night... ..would have floored a rhinoceros! - If it was allergic to lemonade. It's Blackadder here who can't take his ale. - Oh yeah? - Yeah! This is so exciting! The boys are getting tough. We all remember the embarrassment of the visit of the King of Austria... ..when Blackadder was found naked at Hampton Court singing: "I'm Merlin the Happy Pig!" So what did you have last night? A whole pint of potato juice? I had two flagons of claret and a double helping of curried turtle! It's no holds barred with us at the annual communion-wine tasting. For me and the boys, every night is drinking night! - Says who? - Says me! You should come and have a look at the underside of my table. - Tonight! - Tonight? Yeah! Come on, Melchy. What are you scared of? All right, tonight. I'll be there. Hurray! And last one under the table gets... Ten thousand florins from the loser. Right. Well, I'll get the beer in then. Nursie. - Do you know what I'm going to do? - What? I'm going to find out what happens at these boys' nights. - Good idea, poppet. - And... I'll wear a cloak with a cowl, so no-one will recognise me. You're so clever today, you better be careful your foot doesn't fall off. Does that happen when you have lots of brilliant ideas? My brother had this brilliant idea of cutting his toenails with a scythe... ..and his foot fell off. The person we're looking for is an aggressive drunken lout... ..with intelligence of a four year old and sexual sophistication of a donkey. - Cardinal Wolsey... - Baldrick! My lord? - Why? - I got fed up with the all-mouse diet. Thought I'd try cat for variety. Good, well done. Returning to the real world: ..do you have a knife? Good. I wish to quickly send off some party invitations. I wish to write them in blood. Your blood, to be precise. How much blood will you be requiring? Oh, nothing much. Just a small puddle. Will you want me to cut anything off? An arm or a leg? Good lord, no. A little prick should do. Very well, my lord. I am your bondsman and must obey. For God's sake! A little prick on your finger. - I haven't got one there! - Forget it. Thank you, my lord. Perce, how's this list going? I thought we could invite my girlfriend, Gwendoline... - No chicks. Who else? - That's as far as I'd got, actually. I'll dictate. First: Simon Partridge. Oh, not Farter's Parters, also known as Mr Ostrich. - Even he... - But he's a fearful oik! Takes one to know one, Perce. Secondly: Sir Geoffrey Piddle. Here's-To-The-Health-Of Cardinal-Chunder Piddle? Thirdly: Freddie Frobisher, the Flatulent Hermit of Lindisfarne. Oh, paugh paugh! - That should do the trick. - And Lord and Lady Whiteadder. Oh, yes. Oh, no. It does look a teeny bit like trying to get out of it. No, Ma'am. I just want to make it another night. - Certainly not! - I beg your pardon? It's just one excuse after another. Next thing, he'll be trying to get out of having his bath. - He isn't talking about baths, Nursie. - Well, he should be. Soon he'll be saying he doesn't want his nappy changed! Lord Blackadder doesn't wear a nappy. In that case, it's even more important that he has a bath! I know why you want to get out of it. I remember the last party. I found you face-down in a puddle, wearing a pointy hat and singing. Yes, all right! Tonight it is. Oh, Edmund. I do love it when you get cross. Sometimes I think of executing you to see the expression on your face. Let's make sure you've got this. We're having two parties here tonight. And they must be kept completely separate. Firstly, a total piss-up involving beer throwing and wall-to-wall vomiting. To be held here in Baldrick's bedroom. Secondly, Percy will join me in here for the gourmet turnip eating. - Is the Turnip Surprise ready? - Yes, it is my lord. - Then what is so funny? - Well, my lord, ..while Baldrick and I were preparing the Turnip Surprise... We had a surprise! We came across a turnip that was exactly the same shape... As a thingy! A thingy? A great big thingy! It was terrific. Size is no guarantee of quality, Baldrick. Horses are well endowed, but it doesn't make them sensitive lovers. I trust you have removed this hilarious item? Nothing stops an inheritance like a thingy-shaped turnip. Absolutely, Edmund. But it was jolly funny! I found it particulary ironic, 'cause I've got a thingy shaped like a turnip. I'm quite fun at parties! I hide in the vegetable rack and scare children. Perhaps you've forgotten I'm having a drinking competition tonight... ..with Lord Melchett, and ten thousand florins are at stake! - Oh dear! - What do you mean? Firstly: you haven't got ten thousand florins. And thirdly: one drop of the ale and you fall flat on your face. That's nonsense. But just in case it's true... - It is true. - Yes, all right! The plan is: when I call for my Incredibly Strong Ale... ..you must pass me water in an ale bottle. Got that? When you call for ale, I pass water. Percy, your job is to stay here and suck up to my aunt. I think you can trust me to know how to handle a woman. Right, here goes. Uncle! Aunt! Greetings! How nice it is to see you. Wicked child! Don't lie. Everyone hates us, and you know it. May I introduce my friend Lord Percy. Well, well, well, Eddy! You didn't tell me you had such a good-looking aunt! Good morrow to thee, gorgeousness! I know what I like, and I like what I see. Be gone, Satan! I hope you had a pleasant inheritance... Did I say 'inheritance'? I meant journey. If you'd just like to help yourself to a legacy...a chair. Chair? You have chairs in your house? Wicked child! Chairs are an invention of Satan! In our home, Nathaniel sits on a spike. - And yourself? - I sit on Nathaniel. Two spikes would be an extravagance. I will suffer comfort this once. We shall just have to stick forks in our legs between courses. I trust you remember we eat no meat? Here we feast only on God's lovely turnip, mashed. Mashed? ! Wicked child! Mashing is also the work of Beelzebub. For Satan saw God's blessed turnip, and he envied it... ..and mashed it to spoil its sacred shape. I shall have my turnip as God intended. - Baldrick! - My lord? Would you fetch my dear aunt a raw turnip? - We've only got the one that... - Just do it. Thank you. Uncle, will you have your turnip mashed, or as God intended? He will not answer you, he has taken a vow of silence. I believe that silence is golden. Inheritance. Edmund! I trust you have invited no other guests? Where there are other guests there are people to fornicate with! Well, quite. I'll just go and tell them to fornicate off. Lord Percy. Well, Lord Whiteadder, a vow of silence... That's quite an interesting thing. Tell me about it. Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday, Eddy-Baby. Happy Birthday to you! It's not my birthday, Archdeacon! Well, get stuck in, boys. Stuck in! Way-hey! Get it? Well, it sounds a bit rude, doesn't it? Stuck in! Sorry, back in a tick. A tick! Now that sounds a bit rude, doesn't it? Sounds a bit like bum! Melchett! Late I see, to avoid the early drinking. You really are a beginner. You forgot your comedy breasts! Au contraire, Blackadder. Let's wait until we get down to the serious drinking. No, it's this way. Here we are. - Good evening. - Lads, this is Lord Melchett. - Give him a large one, will you? - Large one! Way-hey! Get it? Yes, you do! Large one! Sounds a bit rude. You may find the conversation a bit above your head at first. Well, down the hatch! - I heard there was a party on. - No, there are two. - But I'm a friend of Lord Percy. - You must be Gwendoline! Come in. - Thank you very much. - It's in here. I'm sorry about that. Sorry, he's sick. Leprosy of the brain. Or he is trying to tell you you're wearing a pair of Devil's dumplings. Oh my God. My earmuffs have fallen down! It's getting... Would you like a pair? Cold is God's way of telling us to burn more catholics! - Which reminds me, Aunty... - Don't call me "Aunty"! Aunt is a relative, and relatives are evidence of sex... ..and sex is hardly a fitting subject for the dinner table. - Or, indeed, any table. - Except a table in a brothel. Oh dear. It seems you have fallen off your chair. Oh my God! Your turnip, my Lady. Very good! Very good! It takes me right back to our wedding night. We had raw turnips that night. - What was that? - What was what? - That noise! - Noise? - Did you hear a noise, Percy? - No. Apart from that colossal drunken roar. Oh, that noise! It's the catholics next door, I'm afraid. I'll just go and burn them. Back in a minute. - Yes? - I'm suffocating! Now take a deep breath. And another. Better? - Yes. - Good. Mind you, I'll say one thing for catholics. They do have natural rhythm! - I notice you're not drinking. - I'm holding my own here. Way-hey! Holding my own! Now that sounds incredibly rude. Yes, well. I never went to university, of course. It doesn't explain why you're not drinking with us. That's what I wanted to talk about. What do you say to the idea of ten minutes silence... ..to get some really serious drinking in? Yes, I said: "Please give me silence". Not: "Drench me with dribble". - Here's a nice glass of cider. - Only cider? I'm going to go and put some brandy in it! - How are we all going, then? - Not well! Let us discuss your inheritance. - A little drink first? - Wicked child! Drink is urine for the last leper in Hell! No, this is only water. This is a house of simple purity. Great booze-up, Edmund! Do you know that man? No. - He called you Edmund? - Oh, know him. Yes, I do. Then can you explain what he meant by great booze-up? Yes, I can. My friend is a missionary... ..and on his last visit abroad... ..brought back with him the chief of a famous tribe. His name is Great Bu. He's been suffering from sleeping sickness. And he has obviously just woken... ..because you heard: "Great Bu's up". - Well done, Edmund. I think I'd better go and visit him. Perce, over to you. Yes. How about some sort of game? How about a couple of frames of Shove-Piggy-Shove? You challenged me to a drinking competition... ..and I haven't seen you touch a drop! You twist and turn like a... twisty-turny thing. I say you're a weedy pigeon, and you can call me Susan if it isn't so. All right! Baldrick, fetch my Incredibly Strong Ale! Good God! Not Dr McGloo's Amber Enema? - A drink for schoolgirls. - Not Strollop's Lobster Scrumpy? No! It is Blackadder's Bowel Basher. A brew guaranteed to knock the backsides off a concrete elephant! - Naw! It is water. - What! No, but seriously, Baldrick. You did call for your Incredibly Strong Ale, my lord? That's a relief. I thought I'd made a mistake. My God, he is right. It is water! Come on, lads. Let's give him a real drink. - Well, fine. - Bums up! Way-hey! Bums! Sounds a bit like bums, doesn't it? Drink, Blackadder. Drink! 42 seconds later Percy, I've lost the bet. Edmund! Explain yourself. I can't. Not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see. Sometimes I'm nice and sometimes I'm nasty. And sometimes I just like to sing little songs like: "See the little goblin..." I mean, explain why you are wearing a cardinal's hat, ..why you are grinning inanely... ..and why you have a feather sticking out of your britches. I'm wearing a cardinal's hat because I'm Cardinal Chunder. I have an ostrich feather up my bottom... ..because Mr Ostrich put it there to keep in the little pixies. And I'm grinning inanely... ..because I think I've succeeded in conning you and your husband... ..out of a whopping great inheritance! Is that right? May I remind you, cursed creature... ..that your inheritance depends upon your not drinking or gambling. Damn! Percy, the Devil farts in my face once more. Not mentioning farts was also a condition. Shove off, you old trout! How dare you speak to my husband like that! Nathaniel, we're leaving! - And you... - Yes? Has anyone told you you're a giggling imbecile? - Oh, yes. - Good! Good riddance, you old witch! She's forgotten her broomstick! Look... I just wanted to say thanks for a splendid evening. Yes, first rate, all round. Particularly your jester. By the way, I loved the turnip. Very funny. Exactly the same shape as a thingy! Good God! - Look who it is! - Who is it? Well, it's a boys' party. She's a girl, so she must be the stripper. Oh, no. Don't get too depressed, Edmund. I mean, money isn't everything. Think of clouds and daisies... ..and the lovely smiles on little babies' faces. Be quiet, Percy. This way! Whoa! Another stripper! And a male stripper! Oh, yes. This is much more like it! And she's come dressed as the Queen! Sexy! Do you know who I am? Yes. I know who you are. - Who? - You're Merlin the Happy Pig! Wrong, I'm afraid. I am the Queen of England! I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman... ..but I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant. - Prove it! - I certainly will. First I'm going to have a little drinky... ..and then I'm going to execute the whole bally lot of you. Dawn the next day See the little goblin See his little feet And his little nosy-wose Isn't the goblin sweet? - YES! - Wait a minute! I'm sure there was something important I had to do this morning. I remember something about ten thousand florins. I think it was something about an inheritance. Do you lot want to hear about the goblin or not? Perhaps I might be allowed to continue and perhaps finish, with any luck. Luck! Way-hey. - Get it? - NO! Oh, come on! Luck. Sounds almost exactly like... # Blackadder, couldn't hold his beer The art of boozing he's not master # And I, your merry balladeer Am also well and truly plastered # Blackadder! Blackadder! A bit like Robin Hood # Blackadder! Blackadder! But nothing like as good # Blackadder! Blackadder! I thought that he had died # Blackadder! Blackadder! Our writers must have lied. Get out, libidinous swine! And take that whore slut painted strumpet with you! May you both rot in the filth of your own fornication! - And what did you say to him? - Say, Madam? I said nothing. I pulled up my tights and jumped out of the privy window. Edmund, you are so naughty! Well, I try, Madam. And then ten minutes later when I've got my breath back, I try again. Perhaps we can move on to more important matters. - Must we? - I fear so. Lord Forest's son has been kidnapped... .. and begs you to pay the ransom. - Edmund, what would you say? I have had experience of this dreadful situation. Last year my aunt asked for my help in the ransom of my Uncle Osric. Then you know something of the dreadful pain involved. And can suggest no better answer than the one I gave to her. - Which was? - "Get stuffed." You would jest over a young man's life? For young man read young idiot. Anyone stupid enough to let some mustachioed dago say: "Excuse me, Meester" and hit them over the head... ..deserves everything they get. - You're in good fooling this morning. - Thank you, Baldrick. I heard quite an amusing story myself the other day. Oh, good! - Excuse me, Meister. - Yes, what is it? I said: "What is it?", not hit me on the head with... I've changed my mind about that Forest bloke. He is obviously very stupid, but we can't punish people for that. If we did, Nursie would have been in prison all her life. A very piquant observation, Majesty. So I will sign this ransom, but it must be the last. Absolutely the last! Final. Full stop. Never again. Cross my heart and hope to die. - Surely not 'hope to die', Majesty? - All right. I'll cross that out. Here you are. Sorry about the smudge. - Excuse me, Meister. - Yes? Oh, God! What on earth was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it. Where am I? - Who's that? - It is I, Melchett. You really ought to get your house cleaned up. This is no time for jokes, Blackadder. We've been kidnapped! How incredibly embarrassing! As private parts to the gods are we! They play with us for their sport. Oh, God. Who's that? If anyone is going to be spoken to, it is going to be me. - Tell him, Melchy. - Certainly. That's better. Now, what's he saying? He would like a word with you. - Anything else? - He would like to torture you as well. Am I addressing a senior dignitary of the Spanish Inquisition? Good. Because if I am, I am prepared to tell you absolutely anything. No speako dago. I demand to see the British ambassador. For God's sake! How can you question me... ..when you don't speak English? All right, let's start with the basics. English is a non-inflected Indo-European language... ..derived from dialects of... How's that! Percy! Who's Queen? Whoops! Butterfingers! - So I win again. - Yes. Well done, Majesty. There's definitely been no sign of Edmund? - I fear not, Ma'am. - Why, then he has vanished. Like an old oak table. Vanished, Lord Percy. Not varnished. Forgive me, my Lady, but my uncle's old oak table vanished. 'Twas on the night of the great Stepney fire. And on that same terrible night... ..his house and all his other things completely vanished too. So did he, in fact. It was a most perplexing mystery. Lord Percy? It's up to you. Either you can shut up, or you can have your head cut off. I'll shut up. Bastardo! Barrister. - Bastardo. - Embarrassing. You're embarrassing. I'm embarrassing. Rogering! Pregnant. Baby. Bathwater! Sounds like... Bastard. Donkey! Big bastard. Little bastard. Boy, man, father. I'm a bastard's son. Thirsty. Thirsty bastard. Thirsty barking bastard. Oh, dog! Right, dog. Woman. Woman, dog. Bitch! I'm a bastard son of a bitch! In that case, you're a fornicating baboon. - Que? - Oh dear! - You... - Tu? Fornicating.. Yes. I can't really do it in this box. - Tus testiculos. - My... Yes, those... - Sobre un fuego grande. - Over a large... Fire! I got it. So, let's recap. If I admit that I'm in love... No! Sorry! Head-over-heels in love with Satan and all his little wizards, ..you will remove my testicles with a blunt instrument... ..resembling some kind of gardening tool, ..and roast them over a large fire. If I don't admit that I'm in love with Satan and his little wizard... ..you will hold me upside down in a vat of warm marmelade. And remove my testicles with a blunt... Oh, I see! Well, in that case, I love Satan. Oh, it's a scythe. I don't know. I've looked everywhere. Perhaps... They're not hiding at all! Perhaps they've been kidnapped! Nonsense! Edmund said: "Only real idiots get kidnapped". Do they? ! Stop! Forgive me, Herr Blackadder. I have been neglecting my duties as a host. Please accept my appoloaggies. I accept nothing from a man who imprisons his guests in a commode. I hope this scum has not incoweenienced you. It takes more than a maniac trying to cut off my goolies. If he had inconweenienced you, I was going to offer you his tongue. Believe me, sir. If he had inconweenienced me, ..you would not have a tongue to make such an offer. Let me assure you, Blackadder, if I no longer had a tongue... ..you wouldn't have a tongue to tell me that if I had inconweenienced you, I would no longer have a tongue with which to offer you his tongue. Yes, well. Enough of this banter. Who the hell are you, sausage breath? - You do not remember me? - I don't believe I've had the pleasure. On the contrary. We have met many times. You knew me by another name. Do you recall a mysterious black marketeer and smuggler called Otto... ..with whom you used to dine and plot and play... ..at the Old Pizzle in Dover? - My God! I was the waitress! I don't believe it! You? Big Sally? "Will you have another piece of pie, my lord?" But I went to bed with you, didn't I? For my country, I am willing to make any sacrifice. Yes, but I'm not! I must have been paralytic! Indeed you were, Mr Floppy! - Now, would you mind? - "Such a disappointment for a girl..." "It really doesn't matter! We'll try again in a few minutes." We are proud of our comic serving-wench voice, aren't we? Just because we can say zur instead of sir. The tedious little turd who keeps putting on amusing voices. - Be quiet! - What else in your repertoire? A brilliant drunk Glaswegian, no doubt. An hilarious black man: "Where am dat watty-melon..." I can't wait for your side-splitting poof... ..and that funny croaky one who isn't anyone in particular. I like the one you do all the time. The fat-headed German chamberpot. You talk too much, Blackadder. I think it's a case of werbal diarrhoea that you are having. I should, perhaps, tell you... ..I have given the Queen a week to reply to my ransom demand. Unless she pays up, you die. Howwibly. She will pay up. And within a week, you die. Howwibly, howwibly. You find yourself amusing, Blackadder. I try not to fly in the face of public opinion. A week from now you'll be less in the mood for being amusing. Well, at least I can be amusing. Choose your next witticism carefully, it may be your last. Guards! Fetch his friend. Ein, zwei, ein, zwei... Oh no, please! - We meet again. - Don't think we've had the pleasure. - You do not recognise me, then? - No... Let me refresh your memory. In Cornwall, at the monastery. - The old shepherd. - Good Lord! Dimkins? Yes! I was one of his sheep. - One of his sheep? Not Flossy? - Yes! - But didn't we? - Yes, Lord Melchett. - Baa! - Oh, my God! But enough of such pleasant reminiscence, eh? The guard has found an interesting document in your clothing. The Queen will only pay one ransom. Absolutely the last. Final. Full stop. Never again. Cross my heart and hope to be spanked until my bottom goes purple. She has a difficult choice in front of her. Not really. Bad luck, Melchers. Life is overrated, I reckon. Well, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. Evil plots don't just make themselves, you know. Dear Qveen. I, evil Prince Ludvig the Indestructible, have your two friends, ..and you must shoose between them. The ransom is one million crona. Many, many appoloaggies for the inconweenience. What a difficult choice! It isn't the first difficult choice you've ever made, little tadpole. In the old days, it was all difficult choices. Should you have Nursie Milk or Moo Cow Milk? But then left breasty-dumpling or right breasty-dumpling? Of course, it was always both breasty-dumplings. Shut up, Nursie! This is very confusing. Lord Percy, play a while to calm my spirits. Certainly, Ma'am. Patty-cake, patty-cake, baker's man. You're it! Ring-a-ring o'rosie, all fall down. What say you, Blackadder, I sing a song to keep our spirits up? That depends on whether you want the slop-bucket over your head. Well, perhaps some pleasant word game. All right. Make a sentence out of the following words: Face, sodding, your, shut. We must do something to relieve our minds of the fate that awaits us! Awaits you, Melchy. Not me. How's my beard looking? Alas! Shall I never see England more? Her rolling fields? Her swooping swallows... And her playful sheep. - About time. - Gentlemen, the answer has arrived. Well, thank God! I'm sick of this place. It's like a prison in here. I shall read it to you. Typical master criminal. Loves the sound of his own voice. After careful deliberation the Queen has decided... ..to extend the ransom money on... ..a big party. Just impossible to decide between my two faves. I've decided to keep the cash, have a whizzy-jolly time... ..and try to forget both of you. Hope you're not too miffed. Byeee! What? ! "Hope you're not too miffed. Byeee!" As you can imagine, this makes me very unhappy. Oh, I am sorry! But if you gentlemen were to tell me a way to gain access to your Queen, ..I might just be able to commute your death to a life sentence. - Are you suggesting we betray her? - Oh yes. All right. Blackadder! What are you saying? What of loyalty? Honour? - What of them? - Nothing. - So you will both play ball? - Yep. Oh, what joy! See how you collapse before me, great and incorruptible English nobs. So proud of your great big stiff upper lips? Gloating is a sign of insecurity. Do you want to know how to get the Queen? I thought some kind of disguise. I do a good Mary Queen of Scots. Hoots, mon. Whar's me held? - What sort of party should it be? - A fancy dress. I love fancy dress. - Nursie? - I think it should be one of those... ..where everybody comes with nothing on at all. Shut up, then! I agree with you, Acting Lord Chamberlain. If we're to forget our woes, then we should have as much fun as possible. What's more fun than people dressed as frogs and rabbits and nuns? - And bits of wood. - You're not going as a bit of wood. - Aren't I? - No! How about a pencil? Should I come as a pencil? You always talk like this and always end up as the same thing. - Do I? - Yes, you know you do. Lassie, what does Nursie come to fancy dress parties dressed as? - I thought everybody knew. - Everybody, except Nursie. Tell her. She always comes as a cow. Yes, that's right! A lovely cow with great lovely udders. I swiggle around going "moo". "Come to Nursie Cow, you lovely little heifers!" What fun! - I want to be a cow again, please? - Shut up! - Isn't Nursie stupid? - She certainly is, Ma'am. You see? We're having a good time already! We've completely forgotten about those chaps in prison. What chaps? Ein, zwei, ein, zwei... My friends, I come to bid you farewell. The guards will die of old age, but their sons will attend to your needs. Thanks for your concern, we intend to escape. With your information, I intend to bring down your Queen and country. The Master of Disguise will become the Master of the World. - One thing, Ludwig, before you go... - What? - Were you ever bullied at school? - What do you mean? This ranting and raving about power, there must be some reason for it. At my school having dirty hair and spots was a sign of maturity! I bet your mother made you wear shorts right up to your final year. Shut up! When I am King of England, no-one will call me Shorty-Greasy-Spot! Touched a nerve there, I think. What good is it going to do us if we're doomed to die here? Don't worry, I have a plan. With Ludwig gone, we won't have trouble overcoming the guards. Germans are sticklers for efficiency, I've been watching their routine. I've selected the moment when they're most vulnerable. - That is when we will attack them. - How? That is the most cunning bit... Ein, zwei, ein, zwei... This is it. Don't forget, when they're at their most vulnerable. Halt! Jingle the keys! Open the door! Greeting to the prisoners! Guten Abend, Englander-scum. March to the table! Ein, zwei, ein, zwei... Halt! Food on the table: ein, zwei! Spit on the food: ein, zwei! Insulting further gestures to the prisoners: ein, zwei! Now! Trust me to get the hard one! Off with their heads! Ma'am, it is brilliant! Your father is born again! Bally well hope not, or else I won't be Queen anymore! Yours is pretty good, too. What is it? It's nothing, Ma'am. Just a mere trifle I threw together. Doesn't look like a trifle. Looks more like a fruit salad. I see Nursie's really excelled herself. Yes, she has. I'm not sure about this, though. - What are you meant to be? - A pencil case. Yes! Oh, it's just like parties I had when I was tiny. We had tea and cakes and venison. Then a trip with a couple of little friends to the executions. If I wanted my little friends executed, that is. How I do wish Edmund could be here. He always loved parties, ..and always, always wore very, very tight tights. Edmund who? Edmund Blackadder! - Oh, Edmund. But... - Have I ever missed a party? - But what about Lord Melchett? - Yes, unfortunately, he made it too. Joy beyond measure! Bliss which cannot be counted on fingers. Baa! - Sorry, Edmund? - Nothing. Yes, unfortunately, apart from my nose getting a little prettier, ..nothing much has changed around here. Your animal still isn't house-trained, Percy's still unemployed, ..and Nursie's one stick short of a bundle. - Moo! - Thank you for reminding me. Nursie! You've killed Nursie! That's horrid. Guards! Take him away and execute him! Can anyone help me with my udders? - Nursie? - Yes. May I introduce you to our captor, Prince Ludwig the Indestructible! Queen Elizabeth, we meet again. No, I don't think so, actually. Remember when you were young... ..your father used to take you riding on a magnificent grey pony... ..that you used to kiss and fondle in the stable yard. I was the tall and attractive German stable-lad who held him. - No! - Yes! Shorty-Greasy-Spot-Spot? You will regret the day that you mocked my complexion! I shall return and vreak my rewenghee! No, you will die and be buried. Hurray! Strange man. But how did you know it was him? This was the information with which we bought our lives. We said: If the Queen's having a party, Nursie always goes as a cow. All we had to do was escape, return and kill the cow. How could you be sure it was not Nursie? Because Ludwig was a master of disguise. Nursie is a sad, insane old woman with an udder fixation. All we had to do was kill the one that looked like the cow. That was Ludwig's mistake. His disguise was too good! Gosh, Edmund! How brilliant! Welcome home. - I must say it's good to be back. - Welcome, Edmund. - Did you miss me? - I certainly did. Many was the time I said to myself: "I wish Percy was here..." "..being tortured instead of me." - We have missed your wit! - Did you miss me, my lord? Baldrick, is it? No, not really. And me. Did you miss me, Edmund? Madam, life without you was like... ..a broken pencil. - Explain? - Pointless. # Beware all ye who lust for fame The path of life is most uncertain # Prince Ludwig thought he'd won But now the Kraut's gone for a burton # Blackadder! Blackadder! He beats the Hun by luck # Blackadder! Blackadder! He's smarter than a duck # Lord Melchett! Lord Melchett! Intelligent and deep # Lord Melchett! Lord Melchett! A shame about the sheep Now this is a disguise I'm really going to enjoy! If I can just get the voice right. Finally. She beats a retreat in the face of the Sicilian gambit. Check. Nuh-uh. It's not checkmate. It can't be. 'Fraid so. OK. So, uh... that's four games to you? - Five. - Right. Five. Isn't it against the superhero code to use your powers to take advantage of mere mortals? Yeah. And I'm not done taking advantage either. There's a stunt contest at Crash tonight. Thinkin' about pulling' a Linda Blair, ridin' my bike on the ceiling or somethin'. - Wanna come? - No. Thanks. Oh. I forgot. No fun for Logan Cale. The world's comin' to an end. Fight the power, protect the downtrodden... Blah blah, woof woof. See ya. Raise the forehead a little bit. Thin out the eyebrows. Make the cheekbones a little rounder. Not so defined. And the lips... fuller. - Fuller? - You heard me. Perfect. This reward you're offering. It's a hell of a lot of money. Mr Vogelsang was a valued operative. We'll do everything we can to find his killer. - What if the girl goes to ground? - I don't think she will. She'll run if she's smart. She'll try and get the hell out of the city. She'll have to get past our checkpoints. This is where my men are. I'd like one of these on every wall, every window and every lamppost in the city. With this kind of money involved, every nutcase in this town is gonna be more than happy to turn in his nearest and his dearest just for his cut. Besides, this is gonna take a lot of extra manpower. But, you know, with the financial straits that the city's in... The agency appreciates your predicament. Thank you, sir. Uh... then you understand where I'm coming from. Completely. I think I can help you. You tryin' to elicit a bribe from a federal agent? - No, sir. - Good. Because sometimes, when you grease the palm, it makes the fingers slippery. Sir, you have the complete cooperation of my department. It's 100 per cent at your disposal. All right, then. You're dismissed. That was one badass endo you spiked last night. - How much did you win, anyway? - 75 bucks. Damn, girl! Next time my paper's on you. - Hey. - Hey, take it outside. What did I say would happen if I caught you peepin' again? I can't help it, Max. You so the bomb. Kaboom. Pervo. No roughhousing on the premises. We're not insured for it. - South Market Street? - Yeah. I hope you're packin'. - Wanna have lunch? - Yep. - Meet you here at noon? - Cool. ID? - Hey, Jerry. - What's up? - Look at this. - C'mon, guys. - Girl's trying to earn a living here. - Yeah, it's forged. Definitely. - Jim. - Yeah. - You're going downtown, pal. - What do you mean, downtown? - I got the damn pass downtown. - Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I'm just saying it sorta looks like her. That paper speaks of wicked things. Max is a righteous woman with no malice in her heart for no one. I know my girl. She's a badass, straight up, but not a killer. I'm not sayin' she killed anybody. Just that I see a resemblance. No, no. What you think you seein' is the 50 large reward in your pocket. But you better get your eyes right or you'll see Original Cindy putting' the smackdown. Hey, let's go, people. Lots of lovely packages here cryin' out for a home. Move. Where the fire truck is Max? I ain't seen her. Probably wouldn't recognise her if I did. - What are you hidin' back there? - Nothin'. Get outta my sight. Come on, Logan. Answer. - Hey. - Here, Sam, let me start you off. "Logan, I've got some bad news." After the shooting, we didn't remove one of the bullet fragments. - It was lodged so close to your spine. - It would've been too risky. Unfortunately, the fragment has migrated. That's what's causing the spasms. It's impacting on your spinal cord. If we don't get it out of there, it could keep moving and cause more damage. - Worst-case scenario? - You could end up quadriplegic. Maybe even on a respirator. - Looks like I'm going under the knife again. - Operating in that area, it's risky. You've got three major arteries, they're right there, so there's the chance of bleed-out. Removing that fragment could result in nerve damage as well, though probably not as severe as if we do nothing and further migration occurs. So... - Let's do it. - OK. I'll set it up for tomorrow morning. - Thanks, Doc. - Get some rest. Yeah, she's a killer, all right. - Check it out. - Hey, baby. You got the time? Cos I got the place, you know what I'm sayin'? Now, don't be shy. I was... Hey. Yeah, you. - Come here. - What is it, Officer? Oh, no. Not her again, man. She's been dissin' me all day. I got stopped twice already. Come on! She doesn't even look like me. Look how thin she is. Can you say "eating disorder"? - Whoa! It is her, man. - Boo! This is Kirby, downtown zero-seven. She's on South Market. - A confirmed sighting on South Market. - How confirmed? She took out a policeman with no sweat. All tac units, this is Command. Target is known to be in South Market. Establish airtight perimeter, and start site-to-site search. Box her in... and box her in fast. Step back! To the storage area! Get out! Move! Yeah, he coughed up the juice. Had to break his thumb first, but hey. Hey, hold on. I gotta whiz. He's gonna have to call you back. Sketchy, get over here. I need you to man the desk. - Me? - Yes. I have something important to do. - You got a nerve, showing' your face. - Where's Max? She didn't come back from her morning run. Imagine that. I had high hopes for you, but you turned out to be like all the rest - just a great big fat goose egg. - Cindy. - Well, what have we got here? - I'm looking for Max. - Welcome to the club. - Yeah. - It's me. Max. Uh! - Max, it's Zack. - Who? - What are you doing there? - Never mind. We gotta get you out of town. Would somebody tell me what's goin' on? Knock, knock. You shouldn't leave your window open if you don't want visitors. So I've been told. What brings you back to Seattle? Think I'd let Max take the rap for somethin' I did? Control, this is Delta 4. No sign of her yet. Roger, Delta 4. Turn the place inside out. Evacuate if you have to. I want her found. Logan, no need to convince me. You say she didn't do it, fine. - But I can tell you no one has picked her up. - Great. So what's the situation down there? Every crank in the city is angling for the reward money. Last I heard, they're closing in on a suspect in South Market. OK. See if you can run interference for me. I'll try, but I'm just one guy. Appreciate anything you can do. Let him through. Have you seen this woman? Have you seen anyone who looks like her? - Good luck. - There's no such thing. Success depends on a well-thought-out plan that's executed with precision. Right. Until further notice, all places of business and vehicles are subject to search. - Mr Ronald? - Yep. That's me. I just wanna say I admire the work you fellas do, keeping the streets safe for average citizens. - I understand you have some information? - Right. Got it. Business at hand. Yes. Uh, I'm reachin' out to do you guys a solid on this female perp. - Excuse me? - This skell, who works for me. - Jam Pony, and her name is Max. - Let's not tell the whole world. - Not with 50 large on the line. - Hey, I'm not doin' this for the reward. - How much did you say it was? - Maybe you'd better come with me. All set? Would I have come back here if everything wasn't all set? It's a figure of speech. Hold on. Safety pass. Open the hatch. Come on. Come on. Showtime. - You're free to go. - Thanks. Hey, there she is! Stop! Stop! - Hold your fire! - Take her alive! Don't shoot! Don't shoot! - You OK? - Yep. Used to play this game at Manticore - Escape and Evade. You were always good at it. - You OK? - Yeah. Fine. - You don't look so good. - I was up late. My family has a cabin about 30 miles north of here. You guys can stay there tonight. We can cross the border into Canada and never look back. We have it confirmed that the suspect is no longer in South Market. - What? - She got over the perimeter fence and jumped into some kind of vehicle. Find her! So. What makes you think this girl's the perp? The female's striking physical resemblance initially caught my attention. I didn't wanna believe it was her, but the more I thought, the more I realised it was possible. She has a real bad attitude and quite a temper, which she demonstrated this morning, as a matter of fact. I just felt it was my civic duty to step forward before she kills again. What if you're wrong? What if she didn't do it? Well, she walks. No harm, no foul. I'm getting the sense that you are not a man to be taken lightly. Am I right about that, Mr Ronald? Are you not a man to be taken lightly? Uh... yeah. I mean, no. Uh... Uh, yeah. I most certainly am. Not. That's what I thought. That's why I brought you in here. The fact is, Mr Ronald, if you know this girl, and if you can identify her, your life is in great, great danger. I'm serious. - What are we listening to? - Sibelius. It's sad. Yeah. It's anarchy out there, man. I call out runs, and they just ignore me. I mean, I never thought I'd say this, but, uh... Normal's got it tough back here. Maybe I ain't man enough to fill his shoes. Um... you can take comfort in the words of the great Bob Marley. "Me don't swim too tough, so me don't go out in water too deep." That just didn't help me out at all. Come, give I and I a package, man. - Thanks, man. - Peace. Here we are. Here you go. - Thanks for helpin' out. - I'd wish you good luck, but... He's a fun guy. You should see him get his drink on at the X5 reunions. - You're gonna be OK, you know. - Oh, yeah. I'll be better than OK. It's the way I'm made. It's you I'm worried about. I'll miss you. You could always ditch it all and go on the lam with me. Great way to visit exotic places, meet new people. - I'd just slow you down. - That's OK. I have to go back. Someone has to watch out for the downtrodden. Blah blah, woof woof, right? Right. - Take care of yourself. - You too. Just go. I'm makin' tea. What's your preference? Belladonna. Mandrake. Anything in the opium family. Might wanna think about gettin' some rest. Got a big day tomorrow. I can't sleep. Miss her, don't you? It's that obvious, huh? Get this surgery behind you, maybe you can go raft up with her. No, it was the right thing to do. Let her go. For a thousand different reasons. And I always do the right thing. Right? I thought you'd wanna get moving? Bang over the border into Canada before dawn? We've got a secure night's lodgings. Might as well take advantage. Here's to you finally doing the smart thing and getting out of Seattle. Right. I remember the morning of the escape, getting into Cheyenne around 7am. The streets were just starting to fill with people. Not soldiers or doctors, just regular people on their way to work. It scared the hell out of me. As far as I was concerned, they were all the enemy and I was completely outnumbered. I know the feeling. I climbed up onto the roof of an office building in downtown to lay low, just as the sun was coming up. It was my first morning as a free man. The whole world looked different. It was like it was in colour all of a sudden. I know I've been hard on you, Max. - But I'm just tryin' to keep you safe. - I know. You're gonna miss him, aren't you? You think that's stupid? No. Part of me wants the same things. Friends, a place where I belong. Someone to care about. I thought it was a sentimental lie. Even I have my moments of weakness. I appreciate your concern for my safety, but I've been locked in here for a long time and I gotta go to the bathroom very, very badly. Very badly. I've got good news. We've looked into the suspect. Our fears you were in danger are unfounded. Better safe than sorry. I'll be runnin' along. Not so fast. There's another matter we need to discuss, Mr Ronald. - Another matter? - Don't play games with me. You know what I'm talkin' about. Unpaid speeding tickets from two years ago. They've gone to warrant. There's gotta be some mistake, cos I don't own a car. Well, I don't know what to tell you, Mr Ronald, except that you are under arrest. Oy-oy! Listen. If you think you can squeeze my shoes like some dirtbag skell, you're a hump goin' sideways into a big-time jackpot. But it's your world, Detective. For the love of Mike. Terrific. Logan? Oh, my God. - What happened? - I found him unconscious. No head trauma. - He's tachy. What's his pressure? - BP's 80 and falling. He's gotta be bleeding. Get him to OR. Team one to ICU. ICU. Team one to ICU. ICU. - Hello? - Bling? Why have you got Logan's phone? - Hey, Max. - Is he all right? Can I talk to him? - He can't talk right now. - What's wrong? - Dr Clark needed in ICU. - Why are you at a hospital? - Turn. - Tell me! He's been havin' some problems lately. He collapsed this morning at home. - They're operating on him now. - What hospital? Metro Medical. Listen, Max... - Where are you goin'? - Max? - I'm going back. - No way. - I need to be there for him. - The mission is to get you over the border. - Yeah, well, I'm changing the mission. - Don't be crazy! Lydecker's got the entire city lookin' for you. Out of my way or I go through you. What's it gonna be? You gonna take me on? Huh, Maxie? Go ahead. Go ahead. You need to get your head in the game, soldier. Think I'm not in the game? Think again. OK. Do what you want. But don't think you're gonna make it back out of there! You're throwin' away your freedom. Consider it a moment of weakness. - I need suction. - Yes, Doctor. Whoa. We got a bleeder! Clamp. - Sponge. Hang another four units of AB neg. - We're already on our last two. Somebody get on the phone right now to the blood bank. We need more. Clamp. Oh, God... Blood pressure's still dropping. Give him ten of morphine. Keep him comfortable. - I'm sorry. You can't be in here. - Is he dying? - We can't discuss that right here. - Just tell me. Is he dying? He lost a lot of blood. He won't live without a transfusion. - So transfuse him. - It's not that simple. The blood banks are out. Logan is AB negative. It's the hardest type to find. I'm sorry, there is nothing we can do. Why don't you take a minute? I'll be right outside. Lucky for you I'm a universal donor. The people at Manticore figured it'd be handy if their killing machines could swap blood in a pinch. If you die on me, I'll kick your ass. - Dance with me. - I can't. Sure you can. Mind over matter. See, my problem is I can't walk. I'm not asking you to walk. Just dance. Whose dream is this, anyway? - Yours or mine? - Don't ask me. - You OK? - Yeah. - Just a little dizzy. - Wanna stop? No. Don't let go. - I won't. - Promise? I promise. Logan. Don't leave me. I'm gonna need you to stand up very slowly and put your hands in the air. What the hell's goin' on here? - My God. What are you doing? - Did it work? - BP is 110 over 90. - What? Did it work? Did it work? It's Captain Swanson on five. Says it's important. Lydecker. What sort of good news? I'll be right over. - Whaddaya got? - We got your killer. - Ah. Where is she? - He's in a holding cell. - There must be a mistake. - No mistake. He gave us details from the crime scene and he produced the murder weapon. - Where is he? - This way. Call off the 10-0-7 on the girl. OK, let's go. Everybody out. - What's goin' on? - The perp confessed. You can go. Let's go. Just go. There's a chopper at the airport to take him back to Manticore. Not what we hoped for, but not a bad day's catch, either. What about the girl? Swanson called off the search. We've worn out our welcome with the Seattle PD. Besides, she's long gone. Ah, he sacrificed himself for nothin'. I thought I'd taught him better. - Hey! - I have never been so glad to see someone. Yes, well, I have to say I'm glad to be here myself, actually. Let go of me. Let go of me now. Thank you. OK, I did the best I could. But these people are a bunch of slackers, bums and weirdos. - All right. Tell me about it. - I don't know how you put up with it, man. Right. Neither do I. Back in the pit with the rest of the cretins. 729 Campbell. Where the fire truck is Max? - Hey. - Figured you'd be napping all day. So I ate your lunch. Hospital food. One thing even the Pulse couldn't manage to make worse. How are you feelin'? Pretty good, considering. It must be all this supercharged Manticore blood I got in me. I still can't believe it. That he'd let himself be taken back there on my account. He cares about you. And I don't mean like a brother. I gotta get back to work. That's the music. From... the car? Right. From the car. You know, about what happened... After the car. I was real emotional, with all that was going on. I know. - It's not like... - Me neither. - I mean... - Exactly. - So long as that's clear. - I'm glad we talked about it. Me too. - See ya. - Later. Well, well, well. Look who decided to come in today. Don't bust my chops, Normal, or I might snap and kill again. We interrupt this programme to bring you news of a fatal air accident. The helicopter came from Seattle airport and was rumoured to be carrying a prisoner wanted on a federal warrant. The cause of the accident is being investigated. There is a report of gunfire at the scene of the crash, but police say no survivors were found... He always said he would rather die than go back to Manticore. Maybe I'm conning myself. Maybe I just know who Zack is and what he's capable of. But I can't help feeling that he survived somehow and that he's out there. So here I am, back in this broken city. And as long as I'm here, he will always know where to find me. [waves] [swings creaking] [shutter banging] [child laughing] [footsteps] [flame sizzling] What're we looking at? That. Is that a hornet's nest? Yeah. I've never see one up close. What are you nuts? Ah, don't be a weenie, it's been up there for months. It's empty. What're you doin'? I'm trying to knock down that hornet's nest. Oh yeah? That's a big... WHAT? Just... stop, alright? Stop what? Hey, isn't that a...? I... I warned you man! Chickens! Nothing's gonna happen! You better not have that thing with you! What if I did? -I'd make you SIT on it! You're just scared... Quinn! You got a story? Yeah, I got a story. It's about messin' with things that shouldn't be messed with. Like a hornet's nest? Worse. Like... life and death. Sometimes things are the way they are for a reason. And if you try to change that, you're gonna get burned. If there's one thing the people in my story learned, it's that if you go lookin' for trouble, chances are... you're gonna find it. Submitted for the approval of The Midnight Society, I call this story... Mr. Doyle! Just in time! What do you think? Mr. Doyle? -What? Oh, Julie, I'm sorry. My mind is somewhere else. Any problems? Yeah, actually. Well, good, good, good. I'm gonna be in my workshop. Don't disturb me, alright? Well, what happened to these plants they're... dead. Are you sure she's even working today? My sister works here every day. Julie! ? You here? ! ? Ah... Yuck. Julie? [alarm buzzes] Peter! You'll never believe what I just saw! Oh. Hi Jake. Hey. What did you see? Oh, right! Downstairs, in Mr. Doyle's workshop. He took blue stuff and dripped it on his plant and it started coming back to life and moving around like a spider monster or something! It was unbelievable! Oh! Huh... okay I get it. You do? Yeah! April Fools, right? No! No I ... That's the weakest April Fools Joke I've ever heard. It's so lame I thought there's no way that could be an April Fool's joke. That's how bad it was. -It's no joke... Nice try, Jules. Yeah, anyway, Mom and Dad are going out. Pizza, alright? Yeah, sure. Extra cheese, half pepperoni, half... spider monster plants. See you later. Peter! PETER! [tapping] We're closed! [tapping, banging] Mr. Doyle, there's somebody at the door. Mr. Doyle? AHHHHHH! AHHHHHH! Don't hurt me! Please don't... Ah! Leave me alone! Leave me alone! AHHHHHH! April Fools! Hahhahha! I'm sorry Jules, he made me do it. You creeps! Hey, just getting you back. For what? For trying to fool us with that monster plant story. You're gonna do April Fools? Do it right. It's not a joke! I'll show you. Would you just give it up, you're way out of your league. C'mon Jake. Look just, huh, let it go alright? We were joking around. But I can prove it! And you ruined my Bonsai tree! Mr. Doyle? Mrs. Doyle. [door slams upstairs] And why didn't you tell me you were interested in my experiments? Well, you've been kinda - I mean, things have been kinda... weird. And the motion-detector... C'mon. If you're that interested, I'll show you. I know the rigged door is a little much, but you see I don't want my competitors knowing what I'm up to. I'm really embarrassed. Don't be. All you had to do was ask. Okay... what are you doing down here? An experiment. You could call it kind of a super fertilizer. Just watch. You see when the chemical touches the dead cells, it stimulates the nuclei to create DNA. It's... coming back to life! Yes it's reanimating. Un-real! Now look at that. It's like it knows what's helping it regenerate. What's the gooey stuff? Hum? Oh! That's a harmless by-product. If... If you can reanimate plants, can you reanimate other things? It's late. Time to go. I'll see you after school tomorrow? Right... after school tomorrow. G'night! Peter please be home. Peter! It's me. You gotta come back to the shop. I know, but it's that stuff I told you about, it works, it's real! It brings stuff back from the dead! And I think... I think Mr. Doyle's gonna try and use it on his wife. Cuz she died last year. I'm only goin' along with this cuz I cut up your little tree. I'm telling you, he's got this like... shrine to his wife. She died? About a year ago. And that stuff I told you about, it regenerates DNA. I'm telling you, he's gonna do it! He's gonna bring his wife back from the dead! Huh, okay. So, where's the punch line? See! ? How'd you get him to play along...? Shhh! So much for your April Fools gag. It's not a gag! This stuff really works! It brings stuff back from the dead! Okay, let's wake somebody up then! Nooo! Peter stop it! "In loving memory."? Nah! "Rest in peace." Nah! Peter stop! I'm serious! C'mon Pete, this isn't cool. "May he be forgiven"? Sounds like a bad dude. Don't! Rise and shine! Stop it. Enough with this April Fools stuff, alright? It's getting too weird. Well, she started it! Nothing's gonna happen. It only works on plants. There's no proof that... [tapping] Peter? Peter? What? Is... is... is Jake outside? What's a matter? There's, there's something outside the window. [tapping] This is getting old. Call us when the Pizza gets here. Jake, I'm not April foolin' around. Sure Jules. Hey? Pizza guy? Okay, April Foo... AHHHHH! Peter! Jake! Ah, about time it got here, I'm starving. No! Don't open it! Where is he? No, don't go out there! Hello! Pizza dude? It's not the pizza guy. It's the guy from the grave that you poured that stuff on. Would you a gimme a break! I don't think she's kidding. I'M NOT! WOULD YOU GUYS LISTEN TO ME! THIS IS NOT AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE! Don't YOU start too! I'm not falling for it. Peter...she's not kidding. What now? I'll just turn around and see... AHHHHHH! Oh man. Oh man oh man! You didn't tell me this stuff actually worked! Yeah, yeah, she did. Yeah, but... yeah but this is an April Fools joke! You keep telling yourself that, and in the meantime there's a zombie on the loose. "May he be forgiven". And he's a bad Zombie too. So what are we gonna do we do? Mr. Doyle! He'll know... What IS that? It's the gooh that... Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! It wants the liquid! It's what's keeping him alive! So give it to him! No! Okay, okay! Slow down, slow down! It's not coming. She's right you know. We can't just give it the stuff, we gotta stop it. So let's find your boss then. Water. Yeah, so? That's how Mr. Doyle killed the plant. He poured water on it! Cold water, from the freezer. Alright, so all we gotta do is get the Zombie to step in this puddle. Right? I think we need a little bit more water than that. Is there a hose at Mr. Doyle's? Yeah! And it's freezing cold out here. Okay c'mon! Okay, where's the faucet? On the side. Alright, I got it. What if dead-boy doesn't come? He'll come, alright. Come... and... get it. A little water please! ? ! I'm trying! Maybe it doesn't know where we are. It knows. This is what you want, isn't it? OKAY YOU'RE ON! NO WE'RE NOT! HUH, HANG ON! COME ON MAN! OKAY YOU GOT IT! Pff... What took you so long? Easy man! We got him, didn't we? Aaahhh! Ahhh! Why didn't it work? I don't know! All he did was take some cold water from the freezer. He went inside... Took out some ice cold water... Uh, Julie? You ever look in here? Hot! It's a hotbox! It wasn't cold water, it was hot water that killed the chemicals! Great. So all we have do is wait around till next summer... [bang] Someone needs to hide inside the hotbox. I'll do that! As soon as the Zombie comes in here, lure him inside. Jake and I'll hide and close the door behind you. WHAT? WITH ME INSIDE? The heat should stop him. Should? No! Watch out for the laser beam! Peter! Lead it into the hotbox! Pete! The Hotbox! Ahhhhh! What's going on? ! I think I'm gonna puke. Oh no! What have I done? I'm sorry Mr. Doyle, this is my fault. No. This is MY fault. It's wrong to meddle with fate. This experiment is over. I gotta tell you, when I saw that costume, I thought I was history. Yeah. That was pretty cool Jules. And you know what that means? What? I got you last. April Fools! The end. Good one. -Was good. I declare this meeting of The Midnight Society, closed. I'm gonna get that nest. Wait. What's that? [buzzing] It's the fire. No. It sounds like... like bees. The nest! Mad bees! RUN! Wait! That's where the nest is! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! You can do it, champ! Try it again, but easy. Well done, that's it! They say that every story needs the words of its own. For my story, I couldn't find them for a long time. It began when words had dried up. Well done! You're genius! Last seconds of the game; Come on, let's do it now! Atta, boy! Kajevic Jr. will do the hook. Will he make it? Is the gold in our hands again? Kajevic, and he scores! Kaja, the champion! Kaja, the champion! The motherfuckers were close last night. I was blown off the ground! Enough for today! -What do you mean, enough? I'm in a hurry, man! I paid you 300 marks up front! What's the rush, when they're bombing us? I'm in a rush all the time. I'm a businessman! They say you're doing better than in the last war. Which one? -In both. People smoke more, the enemy is stronger now. Why? Do you think I should fight? -God, no! Just like the last time: You rolling in mud, me pushing cigarettes. One man falls, another fills his pocket. -Way of the world! You telling me I'm not patriotic? - By no means. When I'm through, you'll be a 100% fucking Serb! Right! And you gotta do more work and talk less. Up your ass! -Up yours! What did the doctor say? The bombs scared the kid, so he's a bit.silent. Did he prescribe any medicine? -He'll get over it. -When will he get over? -lf he hadn't been here, it wouldn't have happened. Hey mom, take the kid to the other room. It's my fault I let the kid stay here... when they're bombing us! -They could have hit anywhere. They could have hit your place. -But they didn't. You're bad luck. You simply attract disasters. -Absolutely. Since I attracted you. I take him to spend one night here because my mother's ill. So what? -Whenever I rely on you, it all goes wrong. Everything went wrong since you took him and left me. I've felt a 100% percent better since I left you. Listen, Tijana. He doesn't feel better! You heard what the doctor said: a happy family life! That's what he needs. And you and me, we'd manage somehow. He needs safety, normal life - that was what the doctor said! No drinking with the jerks! -Nor staying with your mom! If my mother weren't that ill. I would take both of them to Italy! And he would start speaking right across the border? I would start singing! Come on, move your ass! I said, get up! Move your ass over here! Your sis says you're on it again. -Everybody's talking. Let them babble! It isn't true, dad! -I don't give a shit about your life. But if they talk again that my son's smoking weird tobacco, I'm gonna beat the shit out of you. I swear by my mother's... -Leave you late mother alone! She was a wimp, just like you are. She's lucky she didn't live to see what I see now. Watch what you're doing, wimp! I'm sorry, bro. -Piss off! Siske! Hey, Siske! Hi, Zuba! What do you want? I told you not to come back. I want you to do that butterfly for me. -I told you I won't. I've got money. -I don't care about your money! You know what that butterfly means? That's what whores have on them. Maya and Beba have it. -Because they are whores! Oops, sorry! I didn't see you there! You're on now. -I am. Do I know you? -My mom lives here. Pavlovic? The little Pavlovic girl? Do you remember me? We were in the same class. I don't think so. -My father was in the army. So, we'd moved to Sarajevo. Turcinovic, remember? Turca? Oh, yes. How did you say we called you? -Call me Josie now. I gotta get back home before the alarm. -Hang on! Pick one of those. -I have a boyfriend. He doesn't like to wait. -Come on. What's your boyfriend's name? -Ufonja. -Oh, Ufi! What are you doing with that guy? -None of your business. Well, it is. You pretty, he an asshole. I'm gonna tell him that. -Oh, I'm scared shitless! I'm off. Ciao! Hey, Josie, hang on! Don't miss your big chance, Josie! I hope they won't bomb here again. They blasted everything. There's nothing left. I'm gonna die waiting for a taxi here. You're gonna die rushing. -Somebody's gotta rush, and that somebody is me. 'Cause you are the legend of the 'hood. Almost a great player.-We didn't get along in normal times. Why don't we try it now? Take me across the river. -Yes, if you pay for the fear. Be a good boy, honey. And listen to your daddy. Take care of him, Kaja, please. -OK, Tijana. I'm gonna bring him some clean stuff tomorrow. Need any dough now? -Sure, for some ice cream and beer... How much do you need? -I'm only kidding. Buy something for Jovan. -I don't need it. If you wanna go across the bridge, let's get moving. They're gonna blast the bridge while you're kissing. And I've already had a bath. Hey, sis, please don't! I can stand the bombs, but when someone starts crying. Where's your kid? -Upstairs. Asleep. Hey folks, this summer's gonna suck bad. Why do you think so? -The bombs are dropping and you ask me why! -It could be worse. It can always get worse here. But it can never get better. When it was better here? -Ten years ago. We went to Sutomore, on the coast. They bombed Sutomore... -That was yesterday, and we were there 10 years ago. And 5 years ago, we were camping in Greece. -It was cool. Sure, you were with Tijana we only had our hands. And, last year. -What the fuck happened last year? A basketball tournament here. The dudes from the city came. Here, on our court? We can play here even now, but we can play "The Lost Brigade". We beat the shit out of them didn't we? -We sure did. We were mean. -You are a mean player. Zuba, Come on! And you're bragging 'cause we've beat some suckers. Remember those upstarts in expensive gear? They didn't know shit. -We're naturals, man. Cut the bullshit, you jerks! Look at yourselves! There's no Sutomore, no Greece for us. We can't go across the border. All we can get here are alerts and that shit falling on us. That's what I said: it's gonna suck bad. Let's rebuild it? -What? The court. Why, we get rid of the mess, lift the basket. And there's a new court! -You're nuts, man. That basket probably weighs 3 tons. Who will lift that? It can be done in three days, I promise! You really are smart, man! Rebuild the court! Well, unless a bomb razes us to the ground. Or unless our anti-aircraft take cover in here. Or unless they decide to send their troops 'cause they have nothing better to do, or unless we starve to death, or unless we get drafted. Then perhaps we'll mend that court some day. I'm gonna get some sleep. This war is fucking boring. What's wrong with him? -He's nuts or something. They are early tonight! -I'll see you. Come on, let's go! Hey, champ! Let me tell him something, mom, please. Are these bastards bothering you? Ignore them. You gotta sleep. We're gonna practice the hook tomorrow. You'll master it a 100%. Dad will clean up the court and coach you. But you gotta sleep, get some rest till tomorrow. Come on! Zuba! -What's up? An earthquake? Another bombing? -I want my butterfly. Fuck the butterfly! You need a pimp, not a tattoo. You're a bastard. -I know. Why didn't you come downstairs? -Where? -In front of the house. Everybody's there. Kaja's giving a speech. He's probably organizing a fucking May Day parade. Fuck! This guy is out of his mind! So, what do you say? Who can guarantee they ain't gonna blast us again? People start to relax, and they come back and boom! Gonna fly high in the sky. -Bye-bye new court, bye-bye! OK, what now? Got a better idea? You wanna spend the whole summer in the shelter? I just said: "Let's rebuild the court!" I don't say it's a big deal. It's nothing much, but. Have you ever been fucked when you did what I said? We've always been fucked when we did what you said. Come on, fuck off. We can do it, really! I say you can't! What's your fucking bullshit, Kaja? These are dangerous times. You gotta try to survive. Make yourselves useful; go sell some cigarettes for me. You know when you're gonna rebuild it? Never! Wanna bet? -Against who? Me.We're gonna make it in 3 days. What are you gonna bet? A slice of pie? -Deutschmarks. Oh, marks! OK, I'll bet you 500 marks you won't make it. -500 marks! You could buy a used car! Too much! Suck my cock! -Stop swearing, fucker! You can't collect 500 marks? ! Hey guys, can anyone lend me 300 marks? No small change, man. -I left them in another suit. I'll give you 300 marks. -Very generous! Atta boy! You're my hero now! You heard him, chicken? Looks like it's getting serious now. Why are you putting him on? -Cut the crap! OK, no more kidding. 500 marks till Monday. Here's my hand, yokel! -Fuck you, oaf! -Cut, Kaja. You're cool. And I was a bastard some time ago! -You just pretend. I know it, I keep telling everyone. You just pretend you're bad, but. - I'm cool? Sure, I'm cool. How come I didn't see it a minute ago? You gave him 300 marks. -I don't care about 300 marks. I just wanted to see the fucker's face. What do you blame him for? -All, but that's another story. They're never gonna make it. They know it and you know it. Shitty kids. If they survive this shit, that will be their big success. You belong to the young batch of their breed. A chick with little brains, who'll graduate 'cause the teachers are starving. Your friends are whores and you hope that I'll do you that butterfly to help you to a better start as a hooker. How can you say that? ! -What? -Things like that. Because it's true. -It is not. -Yes, it is. -No! -Yes! Hey guys, we gotta drink to it! You gotta toast before each big effort. And then, tomorrow, slowly. -It's no rush, man. No work on Easter. -We'll work when it gets cold. Hey, Jovan! Come over here. Take this to your dad. When your dad was playing, Djordjevic was on the bench. Jovan! There goes the beer! -Honey... Are you OK? For sure? Hi, Tiki. Hello, everybody! Everything as usual? We stick to our ways. -Where have you been all this time? Hi! -Hello! We're rebuilding the court. It's a lot of work. -That much work could kill you. We're just getting things ready. I talked them into it. Jovan's having a great time. Cool, but I gotta go. I brought some clean stuff for Jovan. How's your mom? -A little better. I'll try to catch a couple of hours tomorrow. We can make a barbecue. The guys always ask for you. -I'm touched. I thought, something like a beach party. Good, old times, remember? -Jovan, see you tomorrow, honey. Hold on! Kaja, please try not to let him get hurt, OK? -I'll try. See you! Jovan the champ! Now you know it's yours and no one can take it. We'll make the court tomorrow, Jovan. It's gonna be the best in town. You know who's gonna play here? Rebraca, Bodiroga and Djordjevic against Siske, Turca, me and you. Yeah. You know how tall this Rebraca is? As a mountain, son! Daddy's gonna put you on his shoulders and you're gonna slam-dunk above Rebraca's head. We're gonna beat the shit out of them, you'll see. Mommy's gonna cheer for us. You know she likes to cheer, for the winners. She's gonna yell: "Kaja, Jovan, Kaja, Jovan!" The whole 'hood's gonna support us and we'll win. Fuck! Let's go! Time to go to bed. Fuck, they're giving us hell! Don't they know that Divac is a Serb? - So what? Would you bomb Michael Jordan's country? -I would if I had the weapons. -Give us the sausages. See you, guys! -Hey, grab a sausage! Any news, old man? Just the bad ones. -Bad or worse? The worst. That's what I like about you; you know how to cheer up people! Can't you keep the noise down? Hey, where have you been? Sobering up, like everyone else. Can't I have some peace and quiet? -Yeah, sure, why not? No way! Hey, come on, quick! Come on, let's give it a push! Hey guys, where's Misa? His mom is a bit scared. -She worries a lot, you know. Hey, kid. -Leave me alone! Are you kinda angry with me? I don't need your tattoo. I need nothing from you! Everything around you is filthy. It makes me sick! Me too. Hello, is that you, Tijana? He's OK, still sleeping. It wasn't that bad last night. Some soft bombs, they say. I'd hang them all in the center of Belgrade both the NATO guys and our warmongers. God forgive me! He woke up. Probably heard it's you. Would you like to say something to mom? Jovan, are you there? Mom will drop by to play with you, OK? We're going on a trip soon. Then mom will be with you every night. You should see him listening and nodding. OK, Tijana, bye. Say hello to your mother. Give her my best. Woe is me, when kids have kids! Maybe we're not angels, but we're not the worst people. Why, we aren't done yet. Blisters already? -Delicate skin, eh, Siske? I didn't lift anything heavier than a joint in years. Check him out! Atta, boy! Are we gonna build the best court in town, or are we? Come out on your terrace And hail the Serbian race! Come out on your balconies To hail the champions! God help us! God help us! Why don't you cut it out? -What's up, old man? We're just cleaning up the mess. -You'll suffocate us! As if the terror from the sky weren't enough! That guy in the AWACS can tell time from your watches. Do you want to have them bomb us again? What did you say? They'll bomb us again? We're just cleaning up. You can close your windows. I know you well, Kajevic. You made even little Misa come downstairs! What's the matter, old fart? No one made me do anything! If you want to clean, why don't you clean the shelter? I cleaned it up this morning! -Did you hear it? She cleaned it up! We're no rats to spend the whole summer in the shelter. Don't argue with him, just screw him! Misa, come back inside! I'll tie you to the bed! And you want to play while the bombs are falling on us! Why don't you join the army and serve your country? What are you yelling for? Who's yelling? What are you two doing? -Working. -Drinking. Beer? ! In this heat? ! You need booze when it's hot! Wanna some booze? -Better have one for us. -For you? Sure. And for the two of you? OK? What about you? -You don't drink anything for me. -Never mind. I'll drink for you too. Come on! I knew it! What's up, guys? Looks like some rusty kind of job? Don't worry, Kaja. We'll fix everything up. Hey, where do you think you're going? Don't make uncle Toza pull out your ears! Hey guys, it's snowing! Let me see! Who needs toilet paper? Look what a lousy print! Saving on us, motherfuckers? If they were throwing out dollars, we wouldn't mind. You're right. Maybe they'll throw those 500 marks for you. Come on, guys, back to work! You'll never win your bet if you don't work. Hold on, your dad's coming. You didn't say hi! -Hi! I didn't see you come in! You were working hard. I can't believe it. You didn't believe we were gonna do it. -To be honest - I didn't. I can't remember when I saw you working last time. Kaja's got some surprises for you. I must take a bath: I reek like hell. - You do. As if you've just come back from the training. Where have you been? -Why? Do you take your dumplings with sugar? - Yes, thank you. Staying for dinner? -I'll stay the night. Your mother has let me. If you don't mind. I do mind. It's an invasion of my privacy. But if you wash the dishes, massage my back etc... .then it's OK. I can't stand another night without him. Go take your bath. Your athlete's torso's just too much. -Ex-athlete's torso. It's because of my mom. A nurse is with her. In case she calls. Don't be embarrassed about the mobile. We are family. See how good you look when you're doing some work? Tijana, I'm a 100% OK! I swear by my mother. I'm not old yet. Look! -You haven't grown up yet! You're somewhere on Jovan's level, believe me. That used to turn you on, Tiki. -It did, once, Kaja. Why not again, Tiki? -You had us! Like a game won! But you lost us. The game is over. -I counted on some overtime, but... Hey, what are you doing? -Aren't he dumplings great, son? I let him spend 3 days with you, and look at him! Hey, what's the big deal? -One kid's enough for me. But two... Too many and two much. I forgot to tell you, son. That friend of yours from Spain, Djordjevic, called today. Sasha called me? -Yes. I didn't know you were in touch. -What a nice guy he was! Kaja used to play with him. Then he moved away. He's in our national team. -Love is what counts. The national team? You're in it today, tomorrow you're out. And what did Sasha say? -He wants to recommend you for a job in Italy. He asks if we need anything. They are early tonight! I'll get some candles. -Come on, honey! Easy, Tijana. Don't panic. -I just want to take him to bed. Probably a graphite bomb. There's a total black-out. Cemetery candles! -They're for dad's anniversary. Let's go to our room, honey. Mommy's gonna put you in bed. She'll tell you the story of a boy, Peter Pan, who lived in the Never-Never Land and didn't want to grow up. He was that kind of man. Good night. Danka, why did you start lying in you old age? Everybody lies today and so can I. It's for your good. Shame on you. -Shame on you! I've got no money, No cigarettes, I've got no wife by my side, I've got no home, no luck, Nobody cares for me. Oh, how I'd like to get stoned, Any kind of drug would do. I wouldn't control my brain, I'd rather blast it with a gun. Cigarettes are like food When a man has no wife. Did you grasp that Danka was lying? -I did. I like the girls in summer dresses. I like the girls in summer dresses. I kiss their backs. I can feel the fragrance of resin... Tonight my ship found her harbor. If I were you, I'd fall in love with me. If I were you, I would. But I'm not. Sorry. I have things to do. Oh, good morning. There will be no tears today, eh, sis? -Not today. I promise. I can see it's a different story. Love or something. Something. Love and war... Hey, where are we going? -Hey, wait for me! How come your mom let you out? -She can't play it cool. Here it is. This is it! -You sure it's a basket? It looks better than the one we have. A little rusty, but solid. -As hard as my cock. Let's try to lift it. It's in one piece. -We'll die hauling it to our court. Come on, guys. You can do it without me. Where are you going? -I've got a situation over there. I'd like to have that situation myself. We won't forget this, Turca! -Hey, Josie! Hold on! I feel awful being here. -A nice place for a walk. Authentic Yugoslav ruins. A must for tourists. Come on, Josie. Come on, let's take a walk. The cafeteria was over there. That crazy dentist's office over there. Such a prick he was, it's good they'd blasted it. Are you afraid of radiation? -Yes, terribly. Don't you feel that something radiates between the two of us? I'm sick. -Hey, check this out! Probably meaning: "Hey, wanna play three on three?" "Let's have a ball" means "let's have some fun". It can also mean. -Sure, sure it can. Your English is perfect. -You fool! Let's sit down. Come on. I was in Sarajevo when the shellings started. We ran a little, we fought a little. Did some funny and crazy stuff. When I came here, I thought: "It's over." And look at me now: Under fire again! Is that why you're all smile? You've seen it all before? I finally grasped that nothing's too terrible. If you look at it the right way, anything can be fun. Nothing has to be really terrible. You see? You're not cheerful; you're crazy. -Same thing. What now? -What now? ! Let's weld the basket! How do you mean to weld it? With your nails? Let's bring the cables, the gear. What cables? It's a black-out. -The power's back. I know what we need. Misa, come with me. We'll be right back. Hello! -Hi! What are you doing with the tools? Dad's gonna kill you. If you rat on me, I'll shave you with this stuff. Let's go! Where are you going? This is the safest place. And you think that's funny? But, we love each other. -You're nuts. Josie. Josie, hold on! Josie! I'm gonna fuck you bad because of this, aggressors! Let me show you something! Hold it! - Don't you see what you're doing? - So? That's not the way to do it. You used up the electrodes. I'm gonna get some new ones. What are you doing? We're doing the court. I thought you knew it. Doing the court? -Yes. Looks like you've been welding? -Yes. I can imagine how well you welded it! You know, it's gonna be a real basketball court. I thought this situation was gonna make you grow up! You're just fooling around. -What do you want, old man? When you're not working, you just sit here, smoke, and you can't wait to pick on me! What was it I did to you? Come on, tell me! God did it to me; to let me have a son like you! I've grown up in ruins. But I had balls all my life! I gave you everything, to your mother and you! Was it my fault your mother died? Was it my fault you became such a wimp? Fuck you, old man! You'll never gonna have what we had. We've built everything and you can't even make a fucking basketball court. Hey, Marlboro! Look how the works progress and get your 500 marks ready. When he gives me that dough, we're gonna party till dawn! That's the right height. It's OK. Looks pretty low to me. -It looks too high to me. No, it's fantastic. -It's too high. -Come on, ask Kaja. It's OK, it's cool. Don't sit on the ball son, come on. The height is right, but it looks somewhat. like it's crooked. Anything looks crooked after a bottle of brandy. You're a very interesting man, neighbor. OK, let's check the height. Come over here, son. Come on, shoot! It's 3,05 m. I guarantee. Give me five, son! -Ufonja. Wonderful. But now you'll have to take it back to where you found it. What do you mean, back? -The basket. It belongs to us. You shouldn't have touched it. That's stealing. What are you talking about? Since when it belongs to you? Just a heap of rusty iron. -Who are you to say that? You stole our basket! You know what they do to thieves? What? What? -OK, I see. You came here because of the chick. Ufi. I know you came here because of Josie. And she chose a better, prettier and smarter man. I don't give a shit for that slut. I want the basket back! Why don't we settle this the civilised way? -How? I mean, I'm gonna beat the shit out of you! Hold on! Cut that! Jovan, give me the ball. Let's play three on three up to 21 . OK? So, what do we do after we win? Well, if you win you can take the basket with you. If you lose, it stays here. You can even drop by to play. No way! -Why? You don't dare, do you? Fuck you! He can't do it. -What you mean, he can't? Hold him! Where's the other basket? That's the problem! You gotta fly to win! We started, we started! Fuck you! -No, come on, get away! What the fuck is it? Cover him Turca, please! That's right! Do it, man! How are you, guys? -Hey, hello! Just another foul like that. Do it! Didn't I tell you it was too low? -How you welded it. I'm gonna weld your mouth! Victory? I'm buying beer! -First dibs! -And cigarettes! How are you, Tiki? You were good. You can still score. Well, not like I used to be... What are you doing here? -I came to see you play... Are you putting me on? -I gotta go before the alarm. Wait, wait... Do I look alittle like I used to? -Just a little. You sure are hot for me! -Come on, dream on! Bye bye. Here's some coffee for you. -Thank you. No, thank you. I'm having beer. -A strange taste. The water is two days old. A little stale, smells of pipes. Thank you, we're having beer. -No, thanks. What about Josie? -No problem, buddy. I wanted to dump her anyway. She's become a bore. Fucking hysterical: "They're bombing us!" "They're bombing us!" Just go ahead and cope with her. I'll try. I have a way with women's hearts. -Do you? They're bombing us again! Let's split! Danka, Danka, come on, quick! Did Tijana call? -Yes, she's arrived home. -She has? Here's the vest. Here's the bag. Quick! Mihailo! Misa! -I'm here, mom. What's the matter, mom? And then Hercules jumped on Pegasus and flew back. Try to catch some sleep now, son. He isn't afraid of anything, grandma's treasure! Kaja, there's a game on TV. -I'll wait till he's asleep. Can we agree on the idea that the quality of one's life can be measured on the scale of fulfillment of his ambitions? One smoke and you got stoned, man! My grandfather was a farmer. That's what he wanted to be. My father is a laborer. He always wanted to be one. What about me? -That's what I'm asking. What about you? Is my wish gonna come true? -What would you like to be? A lover. You'd better try to be a laborer or a farmer. Come on, grab yourself a beer. Here you are, Turk! You're the big tiger here, right? I'll bet you a 100 marks they will blast the bridge. Are those 500 marks ready? We already played on the court. It's OK, Turk, it's OK. Suck my cock! Josie, where have you been? It's me, Turca, the pretty one? Didn't you see me? Don't worry, it'll be over soon. Don't worry. Get away from me! -OK, I'll get away. We're gonna suffocate! We're gonna suffocate! We're all gonna die here! Let me go! -I'm off. Where to? -Out of here! Where do you think you're going, woman? Come back here! -Let me go! What's wrong with you? -Let a bomb kill us all! I can't stand this any more! I'm sick! Hey, Josie, remember my scar? You know how I got it? Do you know how? -How? We were running away from Sarajevo. Behind the zoo, where the nuthouse is. Their snipers are here, our snipers over there. I take a look to the left and spot a cherry tree. Branches overloaded with fruit. I feel like I could die for a cherry. I say, what the hell, and set off toward the tree. As soon as I put the first cherry in my mouth, they open fire! I thought I was done. I haven't touched a cherry for five years since that day. What does this have to do with cherries? Nothing. Important thing is that you don't get scared. And I never got to try cherries again. Here's some water. What have I got from my life, guys? How many girls did I have? Nothing! You want me to count them for you? Watch now. There was one in Makarska, on the beach. One in Titograd, while I was in the army. Two. Have a seat, Seka, please! -The tally's three and a half! I ain't counting heavy pettings in the doorways. Nothing for my potentials! I have a whole life to live! Seka, come and sit here. You're pretty, you see. But you look sad. Are you OK? Come on, tell me. Zuba hasn't come down. Probably screwing some chick upstairs. While we're wasting time here. Are you OK, son? Don't be afraid, please. Are you alive, Zuba? -Fifty-fifty. It depends. What's the matter? Are you OK? -They razed their basket. I was right, they ain't gonna make it. I though you didn't care. -I don't. Move you legs, son. Leave it that way, ma. I'll clean it up. I gotta call Tijana first. She isn't answering the phone. Where were you? I've just called. Take it easy, please! Calm down, Tijana! -Just hold me, Kaja, please. You never know when to hold me! I was trying to call all night long. I was worried about you and Jovan. Let me look at your hand. I don't know what to do, Kaja. Does it hurt? What if he never speaks again? -It has to sting a bit. I'm staying here! We should all stick together now. Did they bomb near you? -Worse than ever. How's your mom? -Shivering and trembling. A neighbor's with her while I'm here. You gotta go, Tiki. -I can't. Be reasonable, please. Don't you see they've run amok? It's getting worse all the time. What about the Italian visas? -I can't think about that now. We must think about it! -Just shut up and hold me. What's up, champ? Wanna pee? You don't need a butterfly. You need something else. And what have you got? Me? Nothing, 'cause I don't believe in anything. What about me? Do you believe in me? You? -I don't care for that butterfly. What I really wanted was to be with you. I don't know why; you're ugly, boring and fat. And I still wanted you. So? Do you hate me now? -I can't hate you. I don't know how to do it. -You can learn to hate. Go home now. Come on. Did mom teach you the numbers? Do you know what number was on dad's dress? -Seven. What did you say? Jovan, what did you say? Come on, say it again, please! Come on, son. Come on, say it again! Danka, he spoke up! - What? -He said "seven"! Jovan, is that true? Hello, Tijana! -Yes? -You know what happened? -What? Jovan spoke! -Oh, come on! -Honest to God! -How? He just said "seven". I asked him what my number was. He said "seven". -Don't make things up. -I'd never do that. Let him tell you himself. Come on, tell your mom. Tell her what you. Tell her. Come on. No, he won't do it now. But he really did it. Really! OK, Kaja. I'll call you. -OK. How are you, Toza? -Who is it, son? -Toza. I'll bring 500 marks for you. -It was a mistake, they say. Mistake, my ass! I'm sorry. -I know you have a heart of gold. I'll bring the money. -Hang on. What do you say: let's forget about the bet? Why? -I love to win, but not with their help. Without them, you'd have made it. Then you should give me 500 marks. -Turk. you know. Come with me, I'I lget you the basket. Jovan just spoke. Welcome to our modest celebration! It's your court, Turk, after all. I'd have missed anyway. And, suck my cock! Let's go, guys! Let them idle, but we've got work to do. You, Kaja? -Me? It's OK, buddy. Just don't be late, please. Why are you fooling around? This country's in war, and you're fooling around! Go fuck you! Do it quick. Yes, buddy, I was waiting for you 1 5 days. Do you have a cigarette? -I'll call you later. What's your name? -Seka. Come on? Seka? I'm Toza. -Pleased to meet you. Are you from the 'hood? -Yes, I live here. I've never seen you before. A cigarette, eh? -Yes. Take this. -All of them? ! Thank you. -Thank you. What's the matter with you, you drunken swine? ! Wait until I come upstairs to tattoo your fucking brain! I'll come down and stick those cigarettes up your ass! OK, I'm waiting for you! I'm sick and tired of you, jerk! What's up? Leave me alone! -Come here! I gotta go home. What did you do with him? -None of your business! It is! Get in here! He just gave me cigarettes. -You don't know him. I'm sick of your lecturing! Sorry. - What for? -Everything. Her name was Jelena. -Whose? You sister's? She was 1 7. Just like you are now. I was drafted and our grandma died and my best friend managed to dodge the draft. I thought it was a good thing; he would take care of her. And so he did. What happened? He took her to Amsterdam. He came back; she did not. And you don't know what happened to her? -No idea. Maybe she's OK. -Then she'd have called. Why don't you ask that friend of yours? Toza? I wanted to kill him. When I stuck a gun barrel in his mouth, he told me she ran away from him with some criminal. And I believed him. Am I the only one whom you've told that? Yes, though everybody knows it. Come on, pick out a card. Remember which it is. Why don't you tell me what card I picked out? How the hell do I know what card you picked out? ! I've got something for you. -Really? Cherries! They may start shooting from somewhere. -They won't. Yes, this is the great quality of these guys. The awkwardness, poor play. Yes, yes, all these misses! Come on! Here's your inquisitor! -Yes. Come on, shoot! Come on, hit it! Would you like to play? -Move your ass back home! Come on, hard hats, would you like to play? -Why not? OK, but let's play a men's game! -OK. OK, let's play three on three, up to eleven points. It's one - nil. Ciao. -Hi. Balls, kid! Come on, bro, that's it! It's 1 1 - 8. Let's go to my place. -He plays well, your kid. I coached him. -The kid's got balls. Did Tijana call, mom? What did you say? -Did Tijana call? -Not yet. Looks so calm tonight. -I don't know why they're late. Hey, what are you doing, champ? ! Would you like to massage your dad's back? Come on, step on me. Yes, that's it! Hey, take it easy! How come you're here so early? -I came to take Jovan. We are leaving. Where to? -To a safe place. Far away from here. What will happen to Kaja, Tijana? Hey, bravo! Where were you, Tiki? A bit early, aren't you? I came to pack his stuff. -Champ's going home? No, I'm taking him to Italy. I've got the visas. Hey, hold it, son. Hold it. Where are you, honey? Pity you weren't here yesterday. It was great. Everybody came out. As if the situation was normal. Have you seen the court? -What are you talking about? I'm taking him to Italy and you're talking about the court! You should have seen him! He started to speak. I wanna say, I finally did something. It isn't much, but it's something. I did something for Jovan. I did it to make him think of something else. Are you still talking about it? -You should have been here. Everything was abnormally normal, like ten years ago. I thought that this thing has made us. somehow closer after all. -Kaja, I still love you, but it won't make me stay. -Why is it your only way to tell me that you love me? Why? ! Hello, taxi! Please send a car to 4th Boulevard No. 70. In three minutes? Yes, thank you. So, you managed to get the visas? I thought we might talk some more about it. Kaja, you said it yourself. Jovan should live a normal life. This place won't be normal even in ten years time. Jovan! Jovan! Hey, honey! Come on out of there, please. Honey, we're gonna take a trip. Across the sea. Eh? Come on, sweetheart. Don't you wanna go with your mommy? Hey, champ, please don't hide there. Do you know how you become a real champion? When you come out to play when it's hardest. And win. When Djordjevic and the guys come to play here, I'll let you know, so that mom can take you here. You know? OK? Come on! No son, it's your ball. Take it with you. I'm overloaded. I can't take this one too. It's my present for him, Tijana. I made you some lemonade and sandwiches for the trip. Jovan likes grandma's sandwiches the best. You shouldn't have. Come on, honey. Listen, Kaja, you really did miracles with that court. You really surprised me. But I need greater miracles to make me stay here. What shall I do? I'll practice to work great miracles. Hey, champ. Come on. Tijana! Tijana! What is it, honey? -Seven. What are you doing here? You wanna stay here all day long? Nothing. Everything is OK. Lousy weather. A hard day for both NATO and us. You're a nice guy, Turca? Has anyone told you that? Chicks mostly. Let's have a beer together, come on. No, I'll stay here for a while to cool down. Bye. I know. Dad was buried on Thursday. The ceremony was a quiet one. A lot of people died in these days. Zuka and Siske didn't fight any more. They didn't talk too much, either. They were just sitting in silence. Turca talked Josie into going with him to Greece. They made it across the border and left the country. He promised to teach her to laugh again. Misa was the first to get drafted. Many others were called-up after him. Come on, private. Go there and grow up. See you. It's you. Looks like you, doesn't it? I couldn't have done it better, I was looking at the mirror. No one plays any more. I couldn't sleep because of the noise from the court. Now I can't sleep because of the silence. When are you gonna finish that tattoo? Never. Come on, you try. I'd surely have missed. Tijana went to Italy and she got married later. I started speaking again, but in Italian. But I've never forgotten my mother tongue. Translation: Review: Olivera Maric Distribution: CINEMA DESIGN ♪ Baby's black balloon makes her fly ♪ ♪ I almost fell into a hole in your life ♪ Need to tuck that shirt in. Yes, sir. ♪ And you weren't thinking about tomorrow ♪ ♪ 'Cause you were the same as me ♪ ♪ With all your needs ♪ ♪ A thousand other boys could never reach you ♪ ♪ How could I have been the one ♪ ♪ I saw the world spin beneath you ♪ ♪ And scatter like ice from the spoon ♪ ♪ There was your home ♪ ♪ Comin' down the world turned over ♪ ♪ A dangerous fall without you there ♪ ♪ I go on as you get colder ♪ ♪ Or are you someone who's there ♪ ♪ You know the lies they always told you ♪ ♪ The only love you never dreamed ♪ ♪ Was of things they never showed you ♪ ♪ That swallowed the light from the sun ♪ ♪ Inside your world ♪ Oh, somebody's lost. ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ I'm comin' down to a world turned over ♪ ♪ A dangerous fall without you there ♪ ♪ As I go on I will lead you homeward ♪ ♪ All because all ♪ ♪ I'll become ♪ ♪ You became to me ♪♪ Sweet ride. Who scored this? Probably some spoiled-ass mother– Shiverson! [ Boy ] Look at that chrome on that thing, man. [ Boy #2 ] Very nice. It's, uh, a very nice gift. I'm sure you're disappointed. Why, 'cause my father can't come to graduation? He's in London, in the middle of a deal that's gonna double our stock price. I don't need him to jeopardize that for some bullshit graduation ceremony. Sorry, sir. The graduation ceremony is not bull. Certainly not when you're valedictorian. With all due respect, sir, I didn't spend four years here... just so I could give a "go get 'em" speech to a bunch of whining children. Well, you know the rule about cars on campus. So I'll keep it in the motor pool until after Sunday's ceremony, and then it's all yours. So, uh, if that's it– My sister's boyfriend's got one. It's lickety, bro. It's like a G-4 in a tail wind. I can have sex with a car like that. Just don't burn your wood drill on the tailpipe. No, I mean I could have sex with a woman if I had a car like that. Steve, you couldn't have sex with a woman if you gave her a car like that. So he wouldn't even let you take it out for a quick spin? A little shakedown cruise? I don't need Shiverson's permission to take my own car out. Valet key. It was on his desk. ♪ I've never been here before ♪ ♪ Didn't know where to go Never met you before ♪ ♪ I've never been to your home ♪ [ Tires Squealing ] ♪♪ [ Continues ] [ Whooping ] ♪ You can do all the things that you learn to do ♪ ♪ All around on the ground Pick a part that's new ♪ ♪ You can do all the things that you like to do ♪ ♪ All around, upside down ♪♪ [ Everyone Chattering ] I swear I'm bein' blackmailed into this. Ha. Not true. Somebody else better be up there takin' the knife after me. Just do it already. [ Tapping On Table ] Can I ask you a really big favor? I have a date tonight. It's my graduation night. I know. I'm sorry. I forgot that I was closing. I would ask Mom, but she's baby-sitting Patty. Please, Sam? Finish my shift for me. I promise you I will owe you so big-time. You already owe me your firstborn. Oh, well, you can have her. She likes you better anyway. - Your turn, sucker. - So, do I carve it up? I have to do my sister a giant favor that she'd never do for me. Oh, come on. I do you favors. She hasn't had a date in like a year. All right. [ Steve ] Look, what are we doin', Kelley? You guys hungry? What, do you have a death wish? The Putties hate our guts. Can we just leave? [ Chuckles ] Let's eat. What the hell's he doing in? So, what'll it be? Uh, what's good here? Besides the help. [ Chuckles ] Can I take your order? Yeah. Do you really make your own ice cream? With our very own hands. How does one actually make ice cream? [ Whispers ] It's a secret family recipe. - You won't even tell me? - Not even you. - I bet I can get it out of you. - Better men have tried. [ Chuckles ] They don't look like better men to me. Three vanilla shakes will be fine. Let me get that for you, Kelley. If you check out my ass when I walk away, your shake will be in your lap. [ Whispers ] Let's just get out of here. Are you trying to get at me, Richie? - "Richie"? - Yeah. Richie Rich. That's your name, isn't it? Let's just get outta here. No, he's right. You can tell a lot from appearances. Look at him. I would say that you're poor. They're not homeless or anything, just run of the mill poor. Judging from your lazy grin, I'd say you're not too bright either. Kell, let's just go. - Take it easy! - Violence. The first refuge of the poor and– [ Samantha ] Hey, cut it out! Hey, you want to get yourself hurt, or what? Who's gonna hurt me? Him? Huh? Get out! Kell, let's just go, man. - Later, Richie. - You can count on it. You're lucky I don't kick you out. He was all over you, and I– You were just picking a fight while I'm in charge. [ Softly ] I can't even talk to you. Sam. Let's just go, Kelley. What are we doin' here, man? - Hey, I wanna know one thing before I go. - What's that? What freaks you out more? Gettin' bailed out by your girlfriend... or knowing that she was adding me to her fantasy file? [ Tires Squeal ] What did he say? I think he just said, "Come kick my ass." [ Laughing ] Hell, that was awesome, man. You should've seen their faces. Should've seen your face, man! You were scared shitless. No lie. You make me feel better about– Oh, my God. Holy shit. Hey, Richie. Come and get it. Come on, farm boy. - Yeah! - Push it down. Get 'em! I should remind you not to go over 50 miles per hour for the first thousand miles. Shut up, Charlie. Are there any air bags back here? Shut up, Charlie! Hi, pussies. This isn't fun. I'm not having fun. [ Steve ] What are you doing? [ Shouts ] That's what I'm talkin' about! - Punch it! - [ Steve ] He's right behind you. - [ Pedestrians Screaming ] - [ Tires Screeching ] Samantha. [ Sirens Wailing ] We're gonna have a few questions at the station, so get in the back of the car. Watch your heads. You should probably come down to the hospital and get checked out. Really, I'm fine. You know who I am, son? Sheriff Cavanaugh? My wife is Jo Cavanaugh, and her mother was Mable. You almost took my daughter from me tonight. So, you rise me one more time, this shit heap you're in is just gonna get deeper. Sheriff, if this is a threat– [ Grunts ] What the hell is goin' on? The nice thing about my job is I don't have to threaten anybody. Grab them too. Me? Hey, I was practically kidnapped! I understand you're from New York, Your Honor. - Born and bred. - Me too. Upper East Side. Good for you. But we're not bonding here, so don't get your dress over your head. Mr. Morse, I presume. Good. Your Honor, we were thinking that some sort of probation would be appropriate. [ Judge ] Probation, huh? Let's think it through. They talk to a probation officer once a week for a year or so. Maybe do a couple hundred hours of volunteer work at a community center. That what you had in mind? Something like that, yes. Not gonna happen, but thanks for playin'. Gentlemen, I don't know what your lawyers told you, but this is pretty serious stuff. A probation walk was fine for the other boys, the ones in the cars with you, but you two were the cowboys behind the wheel. We're gonna have to do something different with you. I understand Mr. Arnold has been contracted to rebuild Mable's. Yes, that's right, Your Honor. We'd like to make another suggestion, with the court's permission. - Shoot. - Mr. Morse has graciously offered to pay... for the restaurant, as long as all charges against his son are dropped. - That sounds nice, huh? - We thought it appropriate. Not in my court. In my court, you fix what you broke. So here it is. I'd be willing to dismiss all charges in this case... if the boys volunteer for community service... working with the crew rebuilding Mable's Table. It's a chance to put back what you took, and maybe, just maybe, it'll not only result in the building of a restaurant, but in the building of character as well. You can have some time to talk it over with your attorneys. That's okay, Judge. We'll take the deal. Your Honor, that's completely impractical for Calvin. Where would he live? Even if Rallston would take him, the dorms are closed for the summer. The nearest motel is 30 miles away, Your Honor, and his driver's license has been revoked. Actually, we have a room above our garage. The boy could pay rent. It works for me. How about you, Counselor? That's acceptable to us as well, Your Honor. Another Rallston boy takes a bite out of the Cavanaugh family. I had nothing to do with this one. I wasn't even here. Exactly. You– Nobody's blaming anybody. It would have been nice if one of you'd called me when the trouble first started. I remember when Jesse and Alice carved this. Mom, remember what you said to me so many times? As long as we're all alive, it's nothing more than a bad day. Right? Yeah. We can beat a bad day. Right? [ Sighs ] Right. They're here! They're here! That's because he doesn't like the percentage we're offering. Then he's gonna have to come up with a better deal. It's a matter– Yeah. I gotta go. Listen, I worked everything out with these people, including your meals. So all you're gonna need is some spending money. This should last you for a while, but if you need some more, you just call my office. I'm gonna be a little hard to reach for the next few weeks. Okay. Hello there. Good afternoon. Hey. I'm running a little late, and I have a flight to catch, so I assume there's nothing else we need to discuss. No. I think we're good. Your room's right above the garage if you want to go up. Now, you remember what I told you. Keep your eyes forward on the important things. Yes, sir. That's Ralph. He lives here too. Perfect. Maybe I should take him up a plate. Honey, we offered. When he gets hungry, he'll come down. Let him starve. After everything he did. How many cars were in that race, anyway? - Two. - Was he driving both of them? I think he's hot. [ Choking ] My dad's already got me fixing fence posts till I'm 90. Plus the work at Mable's. I got enough problems without you being mad at me. I just think you could have been the bigger man. That's all. All right. Okay. Well. Is everything still okay with us? [ Whistles ] God, we haven't done that in about a hundred years. [ Sputtering ] [ Laughing ] You were never very good at that. Ah, but I'm the one that taught you. I'm the one that mastered it. [ Sputtering ] [ Both Laughing ] [ Whistles ] [ Pounding ] Time to get up, Richie. Gotta evacuate the cows. Is there a gas leak or something? Evacuating. You're out of your mind if you think I'm touchin' that thing. Well, good morning. - Can I fix you something? - Breakfast is served after morning chores. I don't eat breakfast. I was just coming in to find out when we leave for work. Be at the truck in 20 minutes. Not getting tired, are you, Richie? No. Got an extra hour's sleep while you were fondling your cows. [ Mr. Arnold ] That's lunch! Break time, guys. Food and drink's in the cooler. I'll get my own lunch. Suit yourself. Lunch! Let's go. Okay, I'm outta here. [ Kiss ] Good to be your father. Good to be your daughter. Do you know what I was thinking about last night, Mom? What? They're giving us all this money to rebuild. Right? So we can start all over from scratch and have fun. We can go to antique stores... and flea markets and get funky furniture. We could do that. We could stop on the way back from Dr. Falco's. [ Sighs ] I completely forgot about Dr. Falco. That's a good sign. I guess your knee hasn't been bothering you. Mom, my knee's fine. So can I cancel Dr. Falco? No. Oh, I hate this. I know. He's just making sure everything's still okay. My knee's fine. Why do we have to keep coming here? Because the doctor said so. Samantha? When something is taken away from us so violently, like the recent fire at Mable's Table, we are forced to ask questions. Was it simply a terrible accident? Atoms colliding at random? A result of young people making poor choices? Or was it the hand of God? A part of a larger plan that He might have for us? Hey, Jasper. Where's your new pal Kelley today? Oh, he's at your house, getting busy with your mom. Really? 'Cause last night when I was with your mom, she said he was kind of cute. It made me jealous. Enough with the mother thing already. I second that. Excuse me. What? I'm just saying enough's enough. I like your mom. Hey, guys. We're goin' skinny dipping tonight. Wanna come? - Dad's making me work. - My man looks good naked. [ Giggles ] Yeah, I'm like Tarzan. See you later? Mm-hmm. [ Crowd Applauding Nearby ] Good afternoon, classmates and invited guests. Today we mark the end of our infancy, the end of our childhood, the end of our beginning. As new graduates we look forward with hope to the future, and then the future becomes the past. At what point in our lives do we begin thinking about the past and the future? I know when I was a child I never gave them much thought. I miss those days. Robert Frost once wrote about his carefree youth, climbing the branches of birch trees. He wrote, "So I was once myself a swinger of birches, and so I dream of going back to be." So do I, Mr. Frost. So do I. [ Applause ] Let's go. You ready? I'm not hungry. We'll be right up. These folks are being very gracious, don't you think? Inviting you to their home after everything that's happened. Look. I come to work. I do my job. Okay? That's the deal I made. My probation doesn't say anything... about me sittin' around spitting' out watermelon seeds with you people. I gotta tell you, son. I don't think you're gonna make the summer with this attitude. I'm not your son. No, you're not. Grandpa! Hey. Whoa. How's my girl? Earl, missin' a great lunch here. I'll catch up. We have tons of food, baby. Jo, appreciate this. Thank you. You guys have been working so hard, you deserve it. Where's Sam? Don't worry, I won't tell anybody you actually ate. I'd like it if you'd stop sulking long enough to try. I'm not sulking. Oh, come on. We invite you over for lunch. And you decide to sit out here like a really big baby. And at what point did I give you the impression that it was okay to come out here and insult me? Stay away from Samantha. Relax. I'm not makin' a move on your girlfriend. You think I'm worried about that? Don't know, don't care. Stay away from her. Or what, exactly? Listen, Richie. You don't want to mess with me. All right? Ooh. Scary. I'm surprised you even bother with a girlfriend, you got such a good thing with those cows. What's that supposed to mean? Aw, come on. You got yourself a regular harem out there. Get your hands up their skirt every morning. You serenade them every night. That, or you're in love with a 600-pounder who likes to chew her vomit. You know what I'm really doin' up there, Richie? What's that? Your mother. What's your problem, man? Hey! Hey! Stop it! What's the matter with you? Come on. Get up. Let's go. Let's go. Hey, hey! You can quit right now. Right now. I quit. You can't quit. It isn't a job. It's a sentence! God. I'll talk with that kid. No, no! Earl. Just wait. Let him go. Let him cool off, okay? You. Look at me. You know better. Go to the truck. Now. ♪♪ [ Playing Awkwardly ] [ Sighs ] [ Exhales ] Albert. I expect you to know that piece by next Tuesday. Okay. Okay. Okay. Get outta here. Come and sit. Dad already gave me an earful, so, uh– You still remember how to play? ♪♪ [ Jazz Phrase ] Music's always been our thing, hasn't it? You and me? It'll always be something we share. I imagine you think Kelley's real lucky. Gets to have all that money. Seems to have the whole world in his hands. Ever consider maybe you're the lucky one? I didn't see a mother in that courtroom. [ Thud ] You killed him. Killed who? What are you talkin' about? You just threw him in the garbage! What did he ever do to you? Are we talkin' about the mouse? You're just a jerk. I'm never speaking to you again. I'm just so sick of not being able to buy good clothes around here. So, you want to come to Boston next week? I'm hot. I need to go get something to drink. My sister hates you. Why? She doesn't even know me. Well, she hates you on principle. I'm glad it's not personal. What was that about? I killed Ralph. Oh. You could get arrested for that. Will there be handcuffs? Do you want handcuffs? Depends on who's puttin' them on. Probably the sheriff, so don't get too excited. Do you always bring the sheriff on dates? Not if I'm the one who's breaking the law. Meet me tonight. Let's see what you got, slugger. Okay. Oh, there's a shot! It's a home run! That wasn't my best pitch. - Baseball's not really my sport. - What is? Track. Really? Running hurdles. I was pretty good, but then... cracking your kneecap will change that one in a hurry. Ouch. Yeah. I had a full ride to B.U. So I'll just have to pay for college the old-fashioned way now. Student loans. What's after college? Probably med school. Although I'd like to toy with the idea... of spending my whole life here in the woods, writing poetry. Yeah. Med school sounds a bit more practical. There are worse things to be than a swinger of birches. You know that poem? My favorite. I heard your speech. What? I saw you walking. And you followed me? I liked it. Honest. It's a sad poem too, though, isn't it? Life is too much like a pathless wood where your face burns and tickles. The cobwebs, broken across it. And one eye is weeping from having a twig lash across. I'd like to get away from Earth a while, and then come back to it and begin over. What are you thinking? I was just thinking about that ham sandwich you brought me the other day. What about it? I was just wondering if there was mustard, or– That was nice. Nice? There was a lot going on in "nice." Like what? [ Patty ] What name should I give him? His name should be Mikey. How about Mikey Red? Mikey Red is a very good name. Mom. What about this one? Ah, it's okay. It doesn't thrill me. Mom. Mommy, I have to go tinkle. I'll take her. It's all right. Thanks, Mom. Okay. What, already? You keep staring at me. Mm-hmm. You're seeing him, aren't you? Who? Don't even think about denying it. I know that look, Sam. I have had that look. We just hung out. No big deal. Are you crazy? You know what those Rallston guys are like. No. I know what your Rallston guy was like. Excuse me. Trust me. They are all the same. You don't think I know what you're feeling? Hmm? He seems exciting to you, different, maybe even a little dangerous. Believe me, honey. I have been there. I'm not marrying him, Jen. We're just– Hanging out. Right. Right. [ Crowd Cheering ] [ Shop Bell Jingles ] [ TV Continues, Indistinct ] Hey. I thought we were gonna meet later. Well, when I saw you walk in, I couldn't wait. I told Malcolm I was walking home. Your, uh, good buddy Pete's up there. Yeah, I know. So I can't buy a soda? Come here. What are you doing? [ Door Opens ] Hey, baby. Hey, Vanessa. Look what we got here. - Sam, what are you doing? - Nothing. I'm not doing anything. - You're cheatin' on my boy. - Let's go. Okay? Come on. I don't want to get between you and another guy. That's just not cool. I know. Things are different with me and Jasper now. We're not little kids anymore. And things change, right? Does he know they've changed? Let's not talk about this right now. I wish we could do what Frost says. Leave Earth for a while and come back and begin all over. It would be so nice. Nice. Nice. What you doin'? Getting away for a while. - Florida. - What's Florida? The southernmost tip of you. Mm-hmm. Mmm. Florida tickles. Then let's move north, shall we? All right. Got Georgia peaches. And South Carolina. A very beautiful state. This is North Carolina. I move further north, and I find Maryland. Mmm. Seems Maryland tickles too. I think so. I suppose that one there's New York. Mmm. That's Jersey. That's New York. Planning a visit? No. I'm heading towards Massachusetts. Massachusetts welcomes you. How bad is it? Is it fixable? I don't know. It's pretty bad. Guess you spoke to Pete. What are you doing? I don't know. This guy walks into town, and he says a few things, and he makes you think a few things. But it's not real. We're real. Me and you. We've always been real. I've always known that we're gonna be together. I think you have too. Well, what if the only reason that– No. Come on. Don't do this. We have a Fourth of July dance coming up next week. Clam bake, camping on the beach. The whole thing. Just like last year. Remember? Come with me. I mean, this thing with him is just gonna turn out to be a thing. You know? You don't want to waste us on that, do you? [ Panting ] [ Screams ] [ Panting ] Ohh, wow. This is beautiful! My favorite spot. So, anyway, there's this Fourth of July dance. And, you know, the whole town goes. It's this tradition. And they have fireworks and food... and people bring their dates and stuff. Hey, Samantha. I would be honored to be your date. [ Chuckles ] Wow. Gosh. Uh– Just that I sort of– [ Sighs ] I kind of have to go with Jasper. [ Chuckles ] I didn't think things with you and him were– I don't know what they are. I see. Do you still have feelings for him? Well, of course. I always will, but... I'm not– I mean, it's... not really– Um, Samantha, I don't understand. I mean, what are you doing with me? You've just kind of taken me by surprise, you know. I– I didn't expect you. Look, maybe we can get together after the dance. I, uh– I can't because we're going to Cape Cod. A-And we– We go to Cape Cod every year. Like, don't worry about it. I mean, [ Chuckles ] it's not like we got some serious thing. You know, I mean, we're just havin' fun, right? [ Softly ] Right. [ Phone Rings ] [ Ringing Continues ] Hello. Yes, this is Samantha. Hi. Well, did he say what it was about? Okay. Sure, I'll tell them Tuesday. Bye. [ Screen Door Opens ] [ Jo ] Who was on the phone? Somebody selling something. Oh, don't you hate that? Yeah. Thought you could call him "Ralph." I found him at a pet store up in Concord. He's pretty cool, don't you think? [ Wheel Squeaking ] Ralph, Jr. He's okay, I guess. I'll let you two get acquainted. Hey, Ralph, Jr. ♪♪ [ Car Radio Playing Rock ] [ Engine Turns Off, Music Stops ] Hey, Jas, come on! What's wrong, Richie, you couldn't find a date? [ Laughs ] Jas! [ Door Opening ] [ Door Opening ] Hey. Hey. [ Engine Starts ] [ Woman ] ♪ I left my couch And like ♪ ♪ A crying child ♪ ♪ Locked the doors behind me ♪ ♪ Put the pain on file ♪ ♪ Broken like a window ♪ ♪ I see my blindness now ♪ ♪ And I need love ♪ ♪ Not some sentimental prison ♪ ♪ I need love ♪ ♪♪ [ Continues ] I can't wait. Bought this new bathing suit. It's a one-piece, but it's mesh in the middle. Oh, my God. It's so wicked cool. I can't explain it. You got to see it. It's black, and it's deep dyed. ♪♪ [ Continues ] ♪ Broken like a window ♪ ♪ I see my blindness now ♪ ♪ And I need love ♪ ♪ Not some sentimental prison ♪ ♪ I need love ♪ Now, it's for members of the town, right? And since I... am now a proud member... of this town, then I should be allowed to go, right? I should definitely go. I should absolutely be allowed. It's settled then. I am a great dancer. ♪ I need love ♪ ♪ Not some sentimental prison ♪ ♪ I need love ♪♪ Who here... wants to be my date? Huh? Do you... wanna dance? Come on, baby. Will you go to the dance with me? All right. Okay. Fine. [ Cow Mooing ] Be sure to tip your waitress. Adieu. [ Moos ] [ Samantha ] No. No, I hate that hat. [ Jasper ] You look great. [ Jasper ] It's a good hat. Hey, what's up? Hey, Kelley. Hey, Kelley. Are you drunk? No. No. Why, are you? No. Man, maybe you'd better go, huh? Go? Hey, I just got here. Huh? Kelley, I think that you should leave. Leave? Why? [ Chuckles ] Oh, farm boy's getting ready to rumble, huh? [ Scoffs ] Come on. Come on, dance with me. Huh? Jasper doesn't mind, do you, Jasper? I think you better go, before I kick– All right? Hey. Hey. Hey, what's everybody getting so huffy for, huh? Huh? Relax. Hey, gonna dance with you. [ Muttering ] [ Grunts ] Come on. [ Groans ] Where you going? Back to Boston. What about your probation? You could've just danced with me. - I was there with a date. - I should've been your date! I thought that I explained that to you. Yeah, you made your choice. Kelley, that's not fair. Look, come with me. What? Come to Boston. I can't go with you to Boston. Just for the weekend. You can be back by Sunday. Look, Samantha. We don't have to hide. We can be together. [ Door Hisses ] What's goin' on? Sam? What did you say to him? I can't go... with you, Jasper. What? I can't be with you. What? No– Stop sayin' that. Just– Just come with me, okay? Me and you were supposed to be together. I just don't know anymore. [ Chuckles ] N-Nobody knows you like I do, all right? Nobody– Nobody sees you like I do. We belong together. We– I love you. I-I-I love you, Sam. I have to go. [ Whispers ] I'm sorry. [ Man ] ♪ Figure of divine perfection ♪ ♪ No one's loved with more affection ♪ ♪ Soul to soul we breathe ♪ ♪ Oh, I won't let the fates succeed ♪ ♪ Worried hours of contemplation ♪ ♪ Whispered bits of conversation ♪ ♪ Unaffected orderlies ♪ ♪ Disinfected rooms and hallways ♪ ♪ And if you sleep you sleep with God ♪ ♪ And if I cry it's for my heart ♪ ♪ 'Cause if you sleep ♪ ♪ I'll sleep too ♪♪ Where's your butler? [ Chuckles ] Well, it's Fourth of July weekend plus my dad's out of town, so– Can you show me around your mansion? [ Scoffs ] It's just a house. Come on, let's go see if there's food in the kitchen. How 'bout... I take the tour... myself! Marco. Polo. Marco. Polo. Hey, Samantha? Samantha, come on. Game's over. - Samantha, get out of the tub. - What's the matter? Just get out of the tub. Kelley, what's wrong? Kelley– You okay? My mother loved her roses. She would just sit in here for hours and stare at 'em, breathing' 'em in. They only bloom once a year at the end of summer, but... she always said that's what made 'em so special. And then just fade away. In the summers when I was a kid, she used to take me outside to stand in the rain. She said it was good for our hair. Hers was so long. So beautiful. I found her in the tub. The water was so thick with blood, it looked like paint. I tried to wrap a towel around her wrist to stop the bleeding. But she wasn't bleeding. It was all in the tub. I always knew my mother was sad, you know? She didn't say a word. She just gave up. I wonder what the world record is for staying in bed. [ Chuckles ] I bet we could break it easy. Stay here? I'm gonna make you breakfast. [ Chuckles ] What about the record? [ Woman ] ♪ Whatever turns you on turns me on ♪ ♪ Oh, let's get started Ohh, that's right ♪ ♪ Whatever turns you on turns me on ♪ ♪ Oh, baby, I'm there ♪ ♪ I ain't scared ♪ ♪ We're spinnin' round and round and upside down ♪ ♪ Flyin' left and right Don't crash this flight ♪ ♪ From north and south I'm all I found ♪ ♪♪ [ Continues ] ♪ Whatever turns you on turns me on ♪ ♪ Oh, let's get started ♪♪ [ Footsteps ] I thought I told you to wait in bed? I have a feeling it might get a little crowded. I'll get Kelley. [ Faucet Squeaks ] So, how did you and Kelley meet? He burned down my family's restaurant. Oh. I don't believe you'd bring a woman into Mom's house. Don't you even think about turning this around on me. First of all, this is my house, and this is a discussion about you... and the fact that you continue to be so reckless with your life. - Dad, it's my life. - No! Everything that you do reflects on me. What you're gonna do now is you're going back to Putnam immediately. You will complete your obligation there. - And in three week's time, you will start at Princeton. - Dad, why? Why do I have to start early? Why can't I just start with everybody else? I had to pull a lot of strings to make this happen, and you're going. Now, I'm sure this girl of yours is a very nice distraction. That's what it is. Just a distraction. It's not your life. You have much bigger things ahead of you. Now get your eyes forward, already. I think you have a bus to catch. [ Door Squeaking ] [ Sighs ] So what is it you think you're doing? What is it that you think I'm doing? I don't know. But whatever it is, it is gonna stop! [ Phone Ringing ] What's gonna stop? You know what he is! No. And you have no idea what he is! Will you get the phone? Didn't you learn from your sister? I'm not Jen. I'm walking into this with my eyes open. What is it you're walking into? A relationship... with this kid? He's gonna be gone in a few weeks. You're not gonna hear from him again. Well, maybe he's different. Tell me how. Maybe he loves me. He doesn't know the meaning of the word! And you don't know him. [ Jo ] That was Dr. Falco's office. - What did he want? - He wanted to confirm your appointment for tomorrow. They said they talked to you. Why didn't you tell us? 'Cause I'm not going. Why? Because I'm fine. And my knee is fine. And it's been fine. And I'm sick of talking about it! Samantha! I'm looking for Samantha. I haven't seen her. [ Sighs ] Well, if you see her, just tell her it's important she come home. Look, I'm asking, Kelley. Okay? Is everything okay? Yeah. I love this spot. It's like heaven... right here on earth. Maybe that's what heaven is. Maybe we go through life collecting people and places we love. And they become our heaven. And that's where your mom is. She's in her heaven surrounded by everything that she loves. Including you. You think so? Yeah. Let's race. Sam– [ Panting ] [ Groans ] Samantha! [ Sobbing ] What happened? Are you okay? [ Moaning, Weeping ] So, what's the matter? Samantha, what is it? [ Sobbing ] There's something I have to tell you. Boy, how does it go from her leg to her liver? That's how osteosarcoma works. We always knew that this was a possibility. What can we do? [ Sighs ] I wish there was a list of options I could give you, but there just isn't. [ Sighs ] It just moved so fast. Sam. Hey. I'm gonna go for a walk. I'll be back in a minute. Come and sit with me. Kelley– When you tell someone you have cancer, no matter how you say it, they just end up feeling sorry for you. And I didn't want you feeling sorry for me. Could you die from this? I am gonna die from this. There's– There's nothing that they can do for you? Sure, there are things they can do. They're just not the right things for me. But if they can save you– Won't. It's already spread. Even with the treatment, the best they can offer... is a chance I could live a year or two. It's not worth it. So, what? You just gonna give up? You just gonna die? No. I'm going to live. His head on bang is famous. But you were winning the medals. "lf you weren't under me, then how would I have won.." ..those medals. Now take this farm's medals for instance. Since you are working in our farm we already won.. ..two medals. - We will win the third one this season. It will be hat-trick. "And then Kernal sir, brother Sameer will send tickets.." ..from London and I will bid you goodbye. What happened about my passport? You get the ticket from London and I will get you the passport. Your application has already been submitted. "Veer, it's already 1 O' clock. I forgot it." "Attention everybody, I am playing BBC, London radio." We will hear brother Sameer's voice. This is BBC World Service's Hindi program. According to today's program some Indian brothers.. ..were about to talk to their families in India. We are sorry to tell you that we can't broadcast.. ..this program today. The same program will be aired.. ..next week. Thank you. I know it will never happen. Your father is not bothered about us at all. There's a present from a dear one. "lt's from the person who is crazy about you." There's a present from a dear one. "lt's from the person who is crazy about you." There's a gift.. If you'll stay upset.. "lf you'll stay upset then I swear I'll stop talking to you." "Now don't stop the smile that is about to come to your face." "Smile, there's a gift from your sweetheart." There's a present from a dear one. It's from the person who's crazy.. Sometimes.. "Sometimes even separation is important between the lovers.." "..for increasing the fondness for each other." "The paths of love are always difficult, crooked and strange." "Don't worry, the time for waiting over." There's a present from a dear one. "lt's from the person who is crazy about you." There's a present from a dear one. ..someone sent a gift of love. A gift.. You eat it. You always trouble me. - l try to make you laugh. I can see brother writing a letter to you. Sameer. "l can guess whom you writing letter to. To you darling, right?" Yes. - Also write that your Godfather Burns.. "..sends his blessing to your family. - Sure, Mr. Burns." Today you are looking so good in this gray suit. That's why I took your photograph. "Today we are getting that pub, that's why today.." ..I have organized for a Havan (inunction).. ..so that there would be also be some cleaning today. Gurnam and Sylvia are waiting for me there. You too come with me. - l won't come today. I will come there to give you good luck.. ..the day your pub will be open for the public. I will drink with you. "See this. - Thank you, my Burns." I will come home at 7 O' clock. We shall drink at home today. "We shall not drink beer today, but I will bring champagne." Exactly at 7 O' clock. Wait for me. Then we will do cheers. Sameer might be on his way here. "Darling, read it and tell me which clause.." ..did you increase in Sameer's and my agreement. "lf Gurnam or I, Sameer, dies then the other person.." ..will be the sole owner of the pub. Sameer Sahni! After a lot of practice I am able to.. ..forge Sameer's signature. Now you will have to handle Mr. Tupper's lawyer. He is also my lawyer. And everything is prepared. This is my glass and this is your glass. And this Mr. Sameer's glass. Sameer will have a sip and sleep forever. "He will go to heaven. - O, I love you, darling." "Hey, Gurnam! I heard that you opened a big pub." Now come out once. "Hey, Gurnam, come out." Today you shouldn't take away your support. You gave me courage to talk to my friend. Uncle jumped into the water. "Hey, Gurnam, come out if you have courage." Give us our right or else your deeds will be made public. A journalist from Daily Mail comes to our factory everyday. He was drinking coffee with me yesterday. He is my friend. "lf you don't come on track, then I will tell him.." ..about you and he will write about you in the paper. "Stop your illegal earning, Gurnam. I am taking to you." I will tell them that you are into fake passports business. You threaten your countrymen and take away their.. "..hard-earned money. Where are you hidden, you mouse?" I am talking to you.. Uncle! "Gurnam, don't assume that you can escape.." ..after committing murder. - l am not running away. I am going to my room. lf you want to call the police.. ..then there is a telephone upstairs too. Come upstairs. It won't help you in anyway if you cut the telephone. The eyes have seen and the ears have heard it. Even after coming to the foreign-land.. ..you are nothing but a scar. You rob your own countrymen. You suck their blood. You show them dreams back home.. ..and here you throw them in the dark. "l won't let that happen, Gurnam." Why don't you say that I am doing them a favor.. ..by bringing them here? No one can enter this country.. ..without a passport. They would have died by hunger.. ..in our country. We got them jobs here. They must be thankful to us. - Gurnam! God will never forgive me for making a person like you.. "..my partner. I will think about later, but first I will.." is Mr. Sameer there? - Mr. Sameer is not here. Please come here after sometime. But he gave me an appointment. You can come when he comes. Right now we are cleaning the pub. Cleaning! Please. - Close the other doors and windows too. "Gurnam, the scars of my blood will reach my country.." ..and then there will be such a fire of revenge from there.. ..which will burn down culprits like you. Keep quiet. Come upstairs. It seems that someone dropped his letter. Someone might have written to his daughter or mother.. ..or his sister or his wife. Poor guy! "Ok, I will post it." He is still alive. "Uncle! - Don't cry, son!" No one should know that this happened with us. Stop all that and take him to some doctor. We will be in trouble if we take him to some doctor. He will inform the police and they will know.. ..that we are staying in this country without any passport. That means we will stay mum if tomorrow.. ..someone kills one of us? - Shut up! Someone might hear. Turn back the boat. Let's take him to Gangaram. No one should know that he is stabbed. Thank God we left the boatman at the coast.. ..or else all of us would have been in trouble. You start the boat. - l will take revenge of this from Gurnam. "Hurry up, Sylvia. Hurry up. Someone is there." "Who's there? - Sir, it's me, Bhuta Singh." You came here so fast. - l bought all the requisites. So I came back as soon as I bought them. I brought all the requisites. Mr. Sameer! Mr. Sameer! Mr. Sameer didn't come yet. - He must have left the house. "Yes, I called him, but he already left the house." No problem. I will keep it here. "Mr. Priest, start the inunction. I will bring other things." "Gurnam, may be your partner Sameer.." ..might have met with an accident on the way. And we may read about him in the newspaper tomorrow. Uncle Veer! Uncle Veer! There's a letter from father. "l will also read it. Sister-in-law, is there any private matter.." "..that we shouldn't read. - No, there's nothing like that." Read it aloud so that mother and father could also hear. Dear Rama! Do you know why I didn't write you a letter.. ..till now? I wanted to give you some good news. A dream of mine is fulfilled here. I became the owner.. ..of a Sharabkhana which is called pub in English. The days of our separation are over. Now the girl will go to the foreign-land. You will have to go there like an English lady. "Uncle, I will also go there with mummy." "What do you say, madam, will she also go with you?" Now read it further. - He has written in further.. ..tell Veer that he will also have to come here.. ..to help me out in the pub. How will I have help him.. ..in the pub! I will drink free wine and be always drunk.. ..like Khadak Singh of our village. Read further. - Father is getting retired. What will he do there? I think I should bring father and mother here. What do you say? - l won't go anywhere at this age. "Well, I will definitely go to foreign at least once." He also wrote that he has an English Godfather Mr. Burns.. ..who treats him as his son. He sends his love to our family. "Postman. - Sister-in-law, now bring some sweets." Whose letter is that? "This is also from foreign, but it's not from brother." It's for you. - Open it and read. See what's written in it. - lt's from Mr. Kashyap. "Mr. Sahni, you don't know me, but I'm a good friend of your.." "..son, Sameer. He is missing since a couple of days." No one knows where and why he's gone. And a strange mystery is surrounding this incidence. I am a police inspector in Scotland Yard. And being a fellow Indian it's my responsibility.. ..that I must tell you about your son. This letter was posted on 25th and sister-in-law that one.. It's been posted on 22nd. That means it has been posted.. ..3 days after this letter has been posted. Thank God! I can't forget that day when two kids died.. ..near this pole due to current. "Gita, never go anywhere where there is this sign." Assume that there is death near that sign. There is death near that sign. "What's the matter, Veer? What are you thinking about?" "What's the matter, son? - Nothing, father." May be brother might have gone to some friend's place.. ..for a couple of days. I will make a trunk-call.. ..from Dayaram's shop. Son! "Hello, overseas operator?" "Yes, Mr. Sameer Sahni. Yes." You want me to hold on? Thank you. Why are you playing the same old Indian songs! Play the BBC of London. After going to foreign-land I am enjoy those programs more. "Yes, operator, Sameer's phone is ringing? Thank you." "Hello. - Hello, is Mr. Sameer Sahni there?" Sameer? He will return at 7 O' clock in the evening. At 7 O' clock? That means he is there in London? Sameer didn't come home since six days. But he said that he will return at 7 O' clock. He will return just now. I am waiting for him. And then I will say cheers. - Hello! He didn't return home since six days. - Veer! Go to London.. ..immediately and find out about my son. is it so easy to go to London? Where will we get so much money from? "l will give all my ornaments, but my son should be safe." Take away whatever I have. I will kill myself if someone happens to my husband. You were saying that my brother started some.. "..partnership with a friend of yours, right? - Yes, I heard.." "..something like that before coming here, but why?" Who is he? What does he do? Did you get any information about him these days? "You were talking to London just now, right?" Was there any bad news? According to London police.. - 'ln London BBC's..' '.. Hindi program some of our Indian friends..' '..will talk to their families in India.' "'Mr. Sameer Sahni, during the BBC's program.."' '..for the non-resident Indians.' "'Rama, father, mother, Gita, Veer.."' '.. I am absolutely fine in UK.' 'Don't get tensed if I delay writing letters at times.' 'l miss all of you a lot.' "'l will give you good news soon, within a few days."' 'Till then lots of love from me.' "'And Rama, give our daughter kisses from me."' 'Now Mr. Vijay Bhatnagar will talk to his family.' "These programs are recorded, right?" "Yes, may be they were recorded a week ago.." "..or even earlier. - Father, I'll go to London immediately." I can't waste even a single day. You people go to home and I will talk to the Kernel.. ..about the passport. "Mr. Kernel, I want passport for UK." What's the matter? Has your brother sent the ticket? "He didn't send me the ticket, but he called me there." And if you give me some money as advance.. ..then I will work for you for free for the rest of my life. What's the matter? Are you in a rush? You seem to be in trouble. - We got a news from London.. ..that brother Sameer is missing.. ..and I must go there immediately. "Ok, then. Sit in the jeep, let's go to Chandigarh." Tomorrow you will get your passport.. ..as soon as they open the office. - Ok. "Hello, Mr. Veer! Bansi wants to talk to you urgently." It's something private. May be you don't passport and even if you get.. ..you may get it so late that you will be too late. Luckily I am here and I think it's my duty to help you. "How can you help me? - lt will take just 10,000 rupees.." ..to reach London. I will get you the passport and ticket. What kind of passport will that be? It will be yours and it will be on your name. "And no government will doubt it, neither ours nor theirs." "lf you have my passport, then you can depart.." ..from tomorrow evening flight. My agents are there in Delhi. I will give them a call and your seat will be booked. It would be better for you if you go from tomorrow evening's.. "..flight, because the moment you arrive London airport.." ..you will meet the person is closest to your brother. "Gurnam, the person about whom you were asking me.." ..is your brother's business partner.. ..and tomorrow evening's Air-lndia flight.. ..in which his newlywed bride is also going.. ..will be received by him in the London airport. And he is your brother's closest friend. "l will take your passport later, Mr. Bansi.." ..but first of all I will send you to the jail. What's this! I am trying to help you and you are.. "Dayaram, let's go. - What happened?" "And Dayaram, you are also an agent in his illegal business." I will throw you out of this village. 'lt'd be better for you if you go from tomorrow evening's..' "'..flight, because the moment you arrive London airport.."' '..you will meet the person is closest to your brother.' '..and tomorrow evening's Air-lndia flight..' '..in which his newlywed bride is also going..' lf l get the passport from Chandigarh.. ..then I should depart from tomorrow evening's flight. "May I offer you some juice, madam?" Non-vegetarian! Vegetarian or non-vegetarian? - What? What would you like to eat? I brought my food from my house. What's the time now? 7:30. - Oh! It's my prayer-time. You were crying while praying? When I left my house my parents were crying. Then why did you leave your house in the first place? "We needed money, sir." You got married just recently? I was made a bride yesterday itself? And where is your husband? - l got married without him. He is in London. He will receive me there.. ..but I don't want to meet him. "Why? - This is not a marriage, but this is a business.." ..because of our poverty. My mother is ill and we owe.. ..a lot of money to the landlord. What else could my parents have done? I have brought a great match for your daughter. We will send her to the foreign-country. She will become the wife of a very right businessman. Your daughter will have a great life. "And what is his age? - Not too much, just 50 or 55 years." "What did you say! - No, father." "Mother, I won't leave you." "But girl, where do we have money for dowry.." ..that someone would marry you. "Mother, there is no need for any dowry." My friend will marry your daughter.. ..and he will give you money in return. With that money you can repair your hut.. "..you can pay your debts, you can pay the doctor's bills.." ..and you will also get your bulls back. So you want me to sell my daughter? - No. She will get married. Your daughter will go to London.. ..as a newlywed bride and when she will reach there.. ..to her husband she will be adorned with ornaments. Take this. Take this 5000 rupees. Take it! With that money my parents' problems will solved. That's what I thought and agreed. "But my heart never accepted it, sir." "Will you help me, sir?" "ln marriage ceremony there are bands, a bridegroom.." ..and the both bride and groom take vows near fire.. "..but there was nothing over there. I was sold, sir." "Please help me, sir." 'May I have your attention please! Air-lndia announces..' '..the arrival the flight 101 in Delhi. Thank you.' Go and change your dress. "Brother, we need to go to this address." Which bus should we board and from where? I posted this letter. - Sorry! Nothing. I may be wrong. Do one thing! Get on the airline bus from that stop. It will be better for you. Let's go there. Let's go back. is it Mr. Veer Sahni? Mr. Veer! Captain Veer Sahni! "Who is chasing us? Come, I will book a room for you.." ..in that hotel. Please sign here. "Follow me, sir." It's so surprising. There's no one over here. "Your keys, sir. - O, thank you!" "l hope nobody is following us. - God, save us." "Third floor, in room no. 31 ." You stay here and I am going to my brother's place. No. I will die with fear if I live alone. And you won't be afraid to stay alone with a man? You saved me. Why would I be afraid of you? Do you trust me that much? I trust my God. And God sent you for my help. But there is only one room and we both are here.. ..and there is not even anything between us. There a sari. We can hang it here. There is someone here. Hide here. Greetings. I am Anwar and I clean London Airport.. ..and the most interesting thing is that.. ..whoever comes from East meets me first in the West. "Brother, don't be afraid of Anwar." He also knows that there is someone with you. But assume Anwar to be your friend. - Anwar? Anwar! What's your name? - Anwar Saeed! But how did you come here? - You might remember it.. ..during the days of ceasefire on India's border.. ..you put me in ambulance when I was injured. That ambulance threw me in military hospital. And after that when India and Pakistan exchanged.. "..the prisoners of war, they send me to my country." But I guess I was destined to come to White people's land. I guess I was destined to come here. After I came out of the army I came here. "Stop kidding and treat me as yours. Take it, dear." This Veer helped me during the Bangladesh war. And I swear I can do anything for him in London. "Excuse me, sir, I want to meet Mr. Sameer Sahni. ls he in?" Sameer will come after 7 O' clock. I will do cheers only after that. Mr. Burns! - Burns will open the door for Sameer. This is his house. No one else can come inside. "l will wait for you, my son." I will drink after you'll come. This is Sameer's last letter to his home. He's mentioned your name in this. "l am Sameer's younger brother, Veer." "Yes, this is the same letter which Sameer wrote.." "..on that table itself, in front of me. Come. See." It is his photograph that I took when he left. Sameer used to look very smart in grey suit. He told me that he will return at 7 O' clock. Where did you go all these days? I will say cheers when you will come. I will drink neck-full in the celebrations of your pub. "Which pub, Mr. Burns? - Ask it to Gurnam. He will tell you." "Gurnam? - Yes, Sameer and Gurnam are partners." Sameer will tell you when he comes. Sit down. Sit down. Sameer is like my own son. He brought me to his house. He kept me with him. And Sameer went out for that club's ceremony. We went out at morning 10 O' clock and you know.. And you know who came in Sameer's place. "Gurnam and my daughter, Sylvia, his fiancee." Now I too have right on this pub as much as you do. But why are you shouting! - Because if you betray me.. ..then I will also not keep quiet either. I don't have any faith on you. - l too don't have any faith.. ..neither on you nor your honesty. If that's the reason then leave me. I leave you. Meet Tupper and that lawyer yourself. I will see how you will get the pub's papers. You'll be sorry. "Darling, we are fighting unnecessarily." Let Sameer's matter be solved.. ..and later we can solve this problem too. "Sylvia, leave Gurnam. Gurnam is an evil man." When will you die? Now you have got nothing to do with you. - Sylvia. Let me go. - Sylvia. Get out of my way. Leave me alone. - Sylvia. Leave me. Leave me. - Sylvia. Let me please. - Sylvia. "O God! Lord Jesus, forgive us." Mr. Burns! Do you know why Gurnam came here? Gurnam came to meet.. - You or Sameer? Did he come for something? Did he take something from here? No. I didn't let him touch anything. He was looking here and there. He was searching. What was he searching? - He was searching some papers. I said that if he touches Sameer's belongings.. ..then I will call the police and then he left. And after that did Gurnam come here again? "Yes, he came here. He knocked the door." I said that I won't open the door. I said that I will open it only after Sameer comes. This is Sameer's house. See this. I have hidden Sameer's key. - Why? Gurnam was asking for this key. He said he wants Sameer's documents. "What kind of documents, Mr. Burns? - See here." Sameer keeps all his documents here. He tells me everything. See this. What are these papers? These are Sameer and Gurnam's partnership letter. "Yes, Gurnam wanted these papers only." I will tell Sameer about it. He will return at 7 O' clock and then we will say cheers. "Yes, I wrote this letter." We are sorry that we couldn't find out Sameer till now. "Mr. Kashyap, what do you think?" Where might have my brother gone? "Look, there are only two possibilities." Either he might have met with an accident or he's killed. And in both the cases we should have got his body. But police didn't get Sameer's body yet. That's why we can say that he's missing. It's surprising that I talked to your brother that morning.. ..and he invited me to inunction in the pub.. ..and I rang the pub's bell at 1 1 O' clock sharp. Sylvia opened the door and said that Sameer.. ..didn't come yet. She said that they were cleaning the room.. ..and asked me to come sometime later. I was waiting outside. "The priest for inunction came, but Sameer didn't." Then I called inspector Martin and we're sitting in the pub.. ..for Sameer till the dawn. Gurnam was also there. Do you think that Mr. Gurnam who's my brother's partner.. ..has got anything to do with my brother's missing? How can we say that? No one saw anything. But from what I gathered from Mr. Burns.. ..it seems that Gurnam know it. Don't assume that we our department is sitting idle. We are keeping a vigilant eye on Gurnam. But we must get some evidence. If the incident had happened in the pub.. ..then we must have got Sameer's body. If that was the case then they might have taken him.. ..out of the club or they would have thrown his body in lake. After Sylvia stopped me I was roaming out of the pub's door.. ..and I saw none coming out. And the river-police are saying that they've searched.. "..the lake, but they didn't get any body." If you came just for your brother.. ..then don't waste your time and money. This is Scotland Yard's job and our police very capable. For these policemen this might be one is thousand cases.. "..but he is my only brother, Mr. Kashyap." Being a fellow India promise me that Gurnam.. ..doesn't find it out from the police.. ..that Sameer's brother is in London. "That we promise you, Mr. Sahni. We are with you." "Thank you, sir. Thank you." Did you find your brother? - No. Will you find him? - That's what I came here for. What did you tell his name whom you're about to marry? Gurnam. I have his photo on which his name and address.. ..are also written. "S. Gurnam, Sam and Nam pub. Pub!" is he the same person? - l was praying the God.. ..and my God said that you helped me.. "..so I should also help you. - How can you help me, Gauri?" Two are better than one. I will go with you wherever you'll go. And what if Gurnam comes in front of you? He can't harm me at all. You are with me now. But you will have to change your appearance? - Yes. Hello. This pub seems to be empty. It used to be full of British and when any Indian.. "..used to come here, people used to look at him with anger." And since Mr. Gurnam has bought this pub.. ..neither British nor Indians are coming to this pub. "Mr. Gurnam, hire some beautiful chicks for service." Then it will be fun drinking here. People will also come.. ..and your business will also run well. What do you want? - Two whiskeys. One large and one small. "Yes, please." Can we take the drinks outside? "Ok, but come soon." "On the black mare the dark young men are riding." My brothers are very brave. "The clerk is smiling in the open window." "The clerk is smiling in the open window, I am telling you." "The clerk is smiling from the open window...." "Friend, this is a nice pub. Who is the owner?" Haven't you seen the board outside? It's Sam and Nam. That's what I am asking. What is its meaning? Sam for Mr. Sameer and Nam for Gornam. Gornam? - lt's Gurnam. The names change.. ..when people come to foreign-land. But Mr. Sameer is always Mr. Sameer. Where is he? He's been missing. - Where has he gone? "lf you ask many questions, then I will say only one thing." Finish you glass and go out. The bar is closed. "l already told you to get out. - Don't get angry, friend." I am also your countryman. Can I not get a job here.. ..in this bar? - Pray God that he turns you into a girl. And my sir will give you the job. - Bhuta Singh. "Look, tomorrow girls are coming for interview." Make sure that madam doesn't hire any ugly-looking girl. "Don't worry about it at all, sir. I won't even let the ugly girls in." You are very smart. Good. Take this. "Lot of thank you, sir. - Gurnam is the same person.." ..who was trying to trap you is the same person.. ..who might have something to do with my brother's missing. And to find out this job it's necessary.. ..for me to get a job in this pub. - So? "l won't get a job here, but you.." I am ready to do anything to find your brother. I will. The plan will work if we put you between.. ..Gurnam and his fiancee Sylvia. - Yes. We have to find out the secrets. We have to find out who is who.. ..and what's behind their minds. We have to find out everything. - Yes. Before coming to the interview you will have to.. ..take some training. - Ok. "Do cheers! Just do cheers, don't drink it." "Do it, fast. The pub is about to be closed. - Don't drink it." Where do these people come from! I am drunk. Take the ticket. Say thank you. - What? Thank you. "Yes, sir. - Yes, sir." "No, sir. - No, sir." "Thank you, sir. - Thank you, sir." "Say it again. Yes, sir. - Yes, sir." "No, sir. - No, sir." "Thank you, sir. - Thank you, sir." "Now tell me if you are a boy or a girl. - Yes, sir." "No, sir?" "lt won't work. - Thank you, sir." "lt won't work. - Thank you, sir." No thank you. lt won't work. You will have to keep your mouth shut. You will have to go there as a dumb girl. - Dumb girl? "Yes, dumb girl. Or else you will get caught and you won't.." ..get that job and are plan will be ruined. But I am not dumb. How can you make me dumb? "No. No. You are not dumb, but you'll have to act like a dumb." "Act? - Yes, I mean you have to pretend like that." And you will have to become a foreigner. - Foreigner? See there. See what that girl has worn. O lord! Shameless! This shamelessness is fashion here. But we don't wear such kind of dresses in our village. I won't do this fashion. "Ok, don't do it in your village, but this is foreign-land." No. I feel shy to wear such dress. "Be a foreigner when you are in foreign-land." "Be a foreigner when you are in foreign-land." "O girl, stop blushing." "O girl, stop feeling shy and get ready fast." I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be like that. "How strange in this city and how strange are the people?" "O lord, everyone is so shameless." "You tell me God what I shall do now." "l wonder why I am afraid of doing anything." I shall not remove my veil. "Now stop feeling shy, girl." "Now you got a chance to change yourself." "What's the need to feel shy, girl, get ready fast." I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be like that. "Cover your heart, girl.." Covering your body is of no use. "The flowers which don't blossom are useless." It happens the first time. "Take some strength from me on lease." I won't lie to you. I fear if I will fall. Keep your hand in my hand. "What's the need to feel shy, boy, get ready fast." You got it right. "Be a foreigner when you are in foreign-land." "Be a foreigner when you are in foreign-land." "O boy, stop blushing and get ready fast." Excuse me. Please turn. Not you. You! Wait. I am coming. "Mr. Gurnam, whom should I take upstairs for interview?" Give me my glasses. No one is that good. The middle one is a bit better. We will get hundreds of girls like her. Send them away. We will get some new tomorrow. Don't worry. I will give them some beers.. ..and send them away. You will not say anything. You will have to stay mum. Wear your spectacles. The interview will be tomorrow. Today our sir isn't well. The interview will be tomorrow. Drink beer with me today. "Look, today you will drink with Bhuta Singh, all India King." "God, please save me." "Bhuta Singh. - Yes, sir. Bye-bye, girls. Meet you later." Can't you see her? Take her upstairs for the interview. "Yes, sir. Welcome. Welcome." You should have come straight upstairs. What are you doing downstairs? Come here. You will also get a good salary. You will get 20 pounds per week. According to Indian currency it's 350 rupees per week. And you will also get tips. You will give us 50o/o. What's your name? Name? I am asking your name. Are you deaf? Are you dumb? Since birth? So it must have happened in an accident. I must tell you that God can't make such a big mistake. "Sir, she can't talk. She is dumb." We are not hiring her for doing opera. It's better for us if these girls don't open their mouth. Take her upstairs. - Ok. Come upstairs. Go inside. Go inside. "Your name? - Madam, she is dumb, but she can hear." Tell her your name. Shabnam. Do you know what you have to do hear? Are you an Indian? Where are you from? From Uganda! I see. "Madam, she is dumb. Give her the job." Sir won't even talk to her and customers will be happy.. ..to drink from her hands. Did you tell her about her salary? I told her that she will get 20 pounds per week. Ok. Tell her about her work. - Alright. Come here. "He is our sir, Mr. Gurnam. He is a very kind person." He takes care of everyone who works with him. Just look at me for example. "Look, work here carefully." Your job is to keep everyone happy. That's what your job is. What are you staring at? Tell her what she should do. I will be with her today. - Stay with her. "Gangaram! Gangaram, if we won't call doctor even now.." Then go and call the doctor. Go out and tell everyone who you are.. ..and for whom the doctor is needed. First the police will come here and then the doctor will come. We are illegal immigrants. We are no better than dead bodies in this foreign-land. We can neither live with peace nor die with peace. Uncle! - Don't shout! Stop crying. You can't even cry. Hide his body in a shawl and bury him somewhere. Do you know who Murari is? He is a Hindu. You are taking about burying him. We will have to do.. ..the last rituals. We will have to burn him body. Then burn him and the whole world will watch. Today he's dead and tomorrow.. ..everyone of us will die along with him. Do you all want to die in the jail? I swear we will take revenge of your murder. "Gurnam, we will not leave you alive." We will burn his pub. - We will burn his pub. And then? - And there was a great anger on Gurnam. People were so angry that they wanted to kill him. Which people? - Some kids like in my house. They were talking among themselves. Accidentally I listened to them. But they won't tell me anything if I ask them. But they are anger at Gurman for something. If you wish I will introduce them to you. "l will meet them, but think a plan which will give me.." ..a place in Gurnam's pub. One beer please. "Hey, a big whiskey, Miss. Neat." is that what you call whiskey? It's rubbish! I asked for a Patiala-peg. Patiala! "Hey, Mr. Patiala! If you want Patiala, then go to Patiala." "What are you doing here? - Mister, I asked for whiskey.." ..but not for salad. - Aren't you ashamed to defame Punjab.. "..in a foreign-land! - He beat me, rascal." "Now what do you say? - You.. - Don't worry, Mr. Gounam." I have dealt with such people a number of times. My job was to teach these people some lessons. I will cut you into pieces. Where's my knife? Now come to me. You! Where are you running? "Surrender! Surrender! Ok, you won. You won." I am waving the white flag. You won. - Good! Yours is a strong punch. It's as hard as a stone. "My nose is broken. - One whiskey, Mr. Gournam." His nose is broken. He deserves a drink. Drink it and remember Patiala. What's the price? One that he dropped and one.. ..you gave right now. - Six shillings for the previous one.. ..and six shillings for this one. That's all I have. The bus charge. "lf l did anything wrong, then please forgive me." "Sir, he is very cunning person." Yesterday he came to me if there is a job here. He is just doing show-off. He is a very cunning person. "He can't be more cunning then me. Hey, young man!" How long has it been since you came here? As a few days ago. I am searching for a job. What kind of a job do you want? "l want a big job, but right now any job will do." "But if you give me a job in your bar, then I'll be useful for you." No one can dare touch you. - Where are you from? I am a Punjabi Christian. - Name? Tony. - Tony? Tony Takkar. - lt's a strange name. Earlier when I was in army I used to have Takkar(fights).. ..with people for every small thing. And people gave me the name Takkar. But my head on bangs are very famous. You can see it. "lf l like your work, then I will make your job permanent." "And the salary will also be fixed then only, ok?" If I don't make your pub busy like a bee.. ..then you can fire me without giving me a salary. You drink and live. You live and drink. "When you will drink in winter, friends.." "When you will drink in winter, friends, it will become a coat." And it will give you calmness. "lt will make your dreams colorful.." ..when it will reach your eyes. "And you will find your soul-mate somewhere nearby." Why are you roaming alone? "Why are you roaming alone? Just look at the carnival." Come and enjoy the life. "Never sing alone. Never live alone. A great poet said so." "Above and below. Forward and behind there is craziness." Drink and live. "He's Gujarati, he's Bengali.." "He's Gujarati, he's Bengali, he's crazy and she's crazy." I am eastern and your western.. "..but still we heartbeats are similar." "He's Madrasi, he's Punjabi. There's a key for every lock." "Everyone is a slave of love, both and white and black." "Even if it's a worker or the owner of the mill." "Even if it's a worker or the owner of the mill." "He's thirsty at night and hungry at day." Come inside. Don't worry. "Don't take anything on credit. Bring money along with you." Still this shop is open. "This is my first sale. I shall sell everything for low price." Drink and live. I miss my family a lot. "lf you miss your family or your eyes get moist." "Look at me, how I drink and smile." Ask me how people hide secrets. Some fool others and escape. The world will shake.. "The world will shake and the torn pocket will be stitched." Come here and become the king. Never mess or fight with others. Come and dance with us. "Be careful, this ship shouldn't sink." Drink and live. Tony is saying this. "Hey, come on!" "Come on, mister, buck up!" "Ok, girls. Come on, sister. Cheer up." "Hey, Gornam, we will burn your pub." "You are not selling liquor, but you are selling our blood." You became fat drinking our blood. Today we will take your new girl. Come here. I will get you bathed. This one is for Allah! Take this in your mouth. Come here. "l came here to have a drink, brother." But where's the money for the drink? "lf you do this again, next time your dead bodies.." "..will go out of here. - You are very brave, Tony." From today onwards your job is permanent. "Thank you, Gournam. - lt's ok, dear. I don't mind if you job.." ..is permanent. But I am the one who will benefit from this. It seems that you got the name Tony after coming here. "Here it's Indian name, Veer Sahni." You don't worry at all. I will never reveal it to the world. I am not bothered about it at all why you came here.. ..for whom you came here. I am only bothered about my commission. How much is the commission? The amount you think is right for hiding this secret. And from now onwards I will take cash for.. ..keeping my ears and my eyes shut. - l can give you.. ..as much money is there in my pocket and other than.. Don't worry. Other than that I will take half the money.. ..that you earn in the bar. 50-50. Bhuta Singh doesn't allow others to work in this bar. "You won't betray me, will you? - Betrayal?" "Friend, if you wish you can test me." This letter seems to be Bansi's letter. 'l came to know that you didn't get Gauri.' 'l left her in the airport. I am sending her photo..' '..as the bride taken on that particular day.' 'Get the enquiry done.' Her name is also there in passenger list.. "..of Air-lndia flight no. 101 , Mrs. Gauri Gaurnam." And this is her photo as a bride. I married her just a few days ago in India. And you passport officer is saying that he checked.. "..the passport of a girl like her. - Yes, sir." This is inspector Martin of Scotland Yard speaking. "An Indian girl age 18 years, height 5 feet 4 inches.." "..fair-complexioned, dark haired, good looking, slim.." ..and dressed in the attire of a newlywed Indian bride.. ..is absconding. Anybody knowing the particulars.. ..of the whereabouts of this girl or anyone having spotted.. "..this girl, please report immediately to Scotland Yard." This is the photo of the absconding girl. If anyone finds her hand her over to the police. She came to UK as wife of Mr. Gaurnam of Sam Nam. The key please. This is my photo. - Here's the key please. Thank you. The police must have advertised that photo. "What will happen now? O God, please save me." "Yes! - Do you mind, sir, if I could see your passport?" He wants our passport. Sing prayers in high pitch. O lord Krishna.. - Let us finish our prayers. Kindly let us finish our prayers. "O lord Krishna.. - Keep on singing. Don't stop." "O lord Krishna, please listen to our prayers." O lord Krishna! O lord Krishna! "O lord Krishna, please listen to our prayers." First I will get down and then you will come down. "Help us, O Almighty." O lord Krishna! "O lord Krishna, please help us." O lord Krishna. Gauri. Help us! O lord Krishna! "Be careful. - "O lord Krishna!" Taxi! Thank you. MMN-908L. Heading in the direction of King's Royal. Request to be following. "Next to Indian YMC hall, 41 , 5th Royal Square." Anwar's house is there behind it. Let's hide in this hall to escape from the police. It seems that some Indian program is going on. Brother and sisters! Ladies and gentlemen! Brothers and sisters! Listen to me please. Please! Your favorite singer Naseem Bano couldn't make it.. ..to the program because of plane's delay. We apologize for that. Now her program will be conducted.. ..tomorrow. Today we are presenting you our local artists.. "Hey, you! We didn't buy the tickets for the local artists." We want Naseem Bano. - Naseem Bano will.. "..definitely come, but she will come tomorrow." Her plane is late. - Every time you announce.. ..Indian artist's name and you rob the public. We want Naseem Bano. We want our program for which we paid the money. Or else return our money. We got the tickets in advance booking a week ago. Beat them. - Let's lock them in the jail. Bring your friends here who tried to fool us. Give us way! Naseem Bano is here. Let her go on to the stage. "Please come here, Miss. Naseem Bano." Naseem Bano! Bring a garland! Pretend to me that famous singer. Bring the microphone. Here is the microphone. - She sings on hand-microphone. Friends! Friends! The program organizers were right.. ..when they said that Naseem Bano's plane was delayed. But Naseem Bano is also kept her work. She got down the plane and chartered a helicopter.. ..so that her delay shouldn't upset her fans. Look! I didn't even change my dress in the hurry. It's a lie. This person is a liar. He is the bartender in Sam Nam club. It seems that you are so drunk in the pub.. ..that you still didn't get over it. - Don't trust him. He was in the bar. - Get over the drink and enjoy this drink. "When restlessness goes beyond limits, it's called punishment." "And after promising, when one comes late, it's called style." Naseem Bano! "l pray to God that such a day never comes.." "..when you call me I couldn't come." How can I reach the destination.. ..till you are not there with me? "l pray to God that such a day never comes.." "..when you call me I couldn't come." In the world of romantics a.. "..true romantic has come now." "Today I came here to make you intoxicated.." "..with the drink served by my eyes." "Staying in control after drinking.." ..isn't possible for you. How can I reach the destination.. ..till you are not there with me? "Be careful, the arrow of.." "..beauty is aiming you." If my eyes injure your heart.. ..then don't call me a killer. I made my move very carefully. "l am not going to get defeated in this game." "l pray to God that such a day never comes.." "..when you call me I couldn't come." How can I reach the destination.. ..till you are not there with me? Who's there? "Veer, it's you? - Anwar, once you said that if ever needed.." "..we can stay in your home. - Yes, I did." "Hey, you didn't go to duty? - You can't escape now." "Hey, you, step back. I will kill you. What's going on?" It's not their mistake either. Till now Mr. Gurnam's problem.. "..isn't over, so this kind of things are common." I got it. instead of going to duty they went to the pub. "You might have got your lesson, right?" You should have seen my nose before messing with him. It's still paining. You messed with Veer? Veer is my brother and she is my sister. Come in. What's going on over there? - What do you think? Let's keep an eye on them. They stay with me. Those who are sleeping work in first-shift.. ..and the second-shift people are behind me. When the first-shift people go to duty.. ..the second-shift people come and sleep on these beds. "Don't worry, buddy. Till now there were 12, now it'll be 14." "Girl, you are my sister. You can sleep on my bed." I will arrange everything for you. You sleep upstairs and Veer and I will sleep downstairs. I heartily apologize for whatever happened in the bar. We are leaving you because you are brother Anwar's friend. We will deal with you later. - Shut up! You give me one pound per week as rent.. ..but you talk as if you bought the entire London. "We won't do anything, but Gangaram's gang.." ..will not let you go easily. "Hello. - Gurnam, you son-of-a-bitch." Come to the battlefield. Now our fight has started. We will see you when Basni and you will come.. ..to take your commission! Do you understand? Hello. Who do I send to take the commission? "Thank you, six shillings, six shillings." Lager. You want scotch? One scotch ahead. One second. One second. Six shillings a can. Sardar.. "lf someone gives you a tip, don't get excited and squeal." Just keep on watching. "Don't forget that you are dumb. Yes, sir." I don't mind if you are pretending to be dumb. I just want my 50o/o. - Tony! "Coming, sir." "Look at me once in a while, girl." I am also from the same place where Tony is from. "Only money won't work, dear." Some of our customers are dispersed in London.. ..who owe us one week's rent. And all of them will come to this place. And this is the list of the money they owe us. Ok? "Go and get it, just like a good boy." 'Who are these people? ' Tell me your names. - Last night his attitude.. ..was very different. Gurnam didn't come? - Gurnam sent me on his behalf. So you are his assistant! Do you give him commission.. ..or do you take commission from him? We won't give you any commission. "Yes, we won't! - We won't!" And I too won't give any commission. "Yes, we won't! - We won't!" Call Gurnam here. Today we will decide we need to.. ..give him any commission or not. Today we will take the final decision with Gurnam. "Gurnam is a thief! - Yes, he's the thief." Gurnam is your caretaker. He provided you jobs. He fooled us and brought us here. Gurnam didn't force you to come here. "lf he wasn't there, then how could you have entered.." "..this country, and now you are revolting against him?" What was the need to come to another country.. ..and do as you wish? You are an outsider here.. ..and you will be an outsider here. In fact you should be thankful to Mr. Gurnam.. ..that till now you are surviving here. Let's bash him first we will deal with Gurnam later. - Ok. Let's teach him a lesson. He is trying to lecture us. Don't forget that no one will even lend a hand.. ..to your dead body if you die. That day he killed my uncle and today he will shoot us. "But I spit on you and on you too, Gurnam's dog!" He will kill me. He will kill me. Save me. They killed my uncle first and now they will kill me. No one wants to kill you. In fact I want to help you. Tell me who killed your uncle and how did he kill him. No. No. You are lying. You are Gurnam's man. Neither I a liar nor am I am Gurnam's man.. ..but whatever I said there on behalf of Gurnam.. ..is because Gurnam was right behind the window. Forgive me! You might be thinking that I am troubling.. ..this kid. But I am lost in this foreign-land.. ..and I am in search of light. "l saw a ray of light in this kid, so I chased him to here." "Anyone can come to the temple, right?" "Yes, son. Tell me what you want." I want to assure this kid that I am not his enemy. If you can tell me about your uncle.. ..then I swear on God that we can help each other. It was Saturday morning. We were roaming on boat and we came across.. ..Gurnam's pub. My uncle swam across the river and went to meet him. But Gurnam killed him. We took him out of water. His body was filled with blood. "Gurnam killed your uncle, on Saturday?" That was also Saturday when I went for inunction for Sameer. You know Sameer? Sameer Sahni? - That day Sameer.. ..was standing right there where you are standing. I never saw him that happy. "He said, Mr. Priest give me your blessings.." ..and I am about to bring my family to London. "Sameer's family is in a lot of trouble, Mr. Priest." "His father, his mother, his wife, his kids.." ..his brother is very troubled. He wants to know where Sameer is. "And if he's not there, then who's the reason behind it." "Mr. Priest, I came thousands of miles away.." ..in search of my brother Sameer. - You.. You are Sameer's brother? I was also waiting for someone from Sameer's house.. ..so that I could remove the burden on my heart. That was also a Saturday when Sameer called me.. ..to his pub for inunction. I reached there.. ..but Sameer didn't. Or he reached before I reached and.. I set the fire in the urn. My heart also feels that Sameer is murdered.. ..and Gurnam knows about it. "Son, Sameer's soul is roaming without peace in this land." And his soul will wander till someone from his family.. "Sameer's soul has brought his brother here, Mr. Priest." And till he doesn't destroy the sin.. ..for which Sameer's soul is wandering without peace.. ..his dharma will be incomplete in this birth. Give me your blessings! - May God give you strength.. ..to fulfill your duty towards your brother. Don't assume that you can escape from us.. ..by hiding in the temple. - Gurnam ran away.. ..but we won't leave you. - Come out! Come out! Don't misunderstand him. He is not Gurnam's man. "You scoundrel, you fooled this kid and Priest also.. - Stop!" Don't step forward. I have given blessings to Veer. "Don't stop them, Mr. Priest, or else I can't make them.." ..believe me. Who's the person who will hold this fire.. ..so that I could give you the proof of my honesty? Till you don't believe that I am your friend.. ..and Gurnam and Bansi's enemy.. ..my hand will be one this fire. And before my blood puts out this fire.. ..you will also have to swear along with me.. ..that we will fight together till death.. ..against Bansi's and Gurnam's atrocities. I assure you on my friends' behalf that we are with you. Then I need you commission that you give to.. ..Gurnam and Bansi every week. - We won't! We won't! - We won't! You betrayer! - You will have give this commission.. ..for the last time I swear. - We are with you. "Friends, give him your commissions." This is the place where l found that letter. It was 2 O' clock in the morning and it was Saturday.. ..because every Saturday I buy articles from that shop. "Your job is done, Mr. Gurnam." Here is your list.. - Good. ..and here is your rent. - Very good. What happened to your hand? "You have also seen it, some of them were revolting.." ..but too gave them the taste of their own medicine. "Tony, is that injury too bad? - l was in army, Mr. Gaurnam." I got worse injuring than this. lt's nothing. "Your value has increased in my eyes, Tony. Take this." "Mr. Gauran, there is no need for this." "But if you permit, then I would like to have to drink." Sure! Why not! Assume this to be your own bar. Tony! "What do you want, Tony?" I saw you alone and I thought of asking you.. ..if you need a drink. If you have any work.. ..then I will do it for you. Like see these walls.. "..they lost their color, except this wall." It seems that you varnished it just a few days ago. O yes! We started painting but since we were busy.. "..we left it in the middle. - Ok, I will paint the room." I will make it brand new again. This varnish has a great smell. Don't touch it! is this is the same knife? It's the same varnish that you used for this wall. The cross was drawn on the envelope with the same knife. Tony! I am thinking how it would be if we paint red color on it. "l got the idea, madam." My brother was killed in that particular room.. ..and on the same Saturday when Murari was killed. What was the time when Gurnam stabbed Murari.. ..and threw him in the river? - Around 10:30 am. "Exactly at 10:30 am. - Yes, it was exactly 10:30 am." That means brother was killed after 10:30 and before 1 1 :00.. ..because according to Mr. Burns brother departs.. ..from the house at 10 O' clock and it takes around.. ..30-45 minutes to reach the pub. Mr. Kashyap reached there exactly at 1 1 O' clock.. ..and Sylvia stops him from going inside.. ..and exactly at the same time Gangaram got a letter.. ..below the window. - May be your brother's dead body.. ..was also thrown in the river just like Murari's body. "No, according to the police they didn't get any body.." ..till now in the river. - May be he was taken outside.. ..and buried somewhere. - The body didn't go outside.. ..because Mr. Kashyap said that he didn't see anyone.. ..he waiting for Sameer right in front of the pub. Then what does it mean? The body is neither in the river.. ..nor it came out of the pub.. - That means the secret of.. ..the body lies in the pub itself. Bansi has returned. I saw him coming out of the plane from India. He will reach Gurnam first of all and he will reveal.. ..Gauri's and my true identity. We must stop them from meeting and talking. I have a plan. We will have to kidnap Bansi. "lf he goes to Gurnam's house, then kidnap him there.." "..and if he reaches the pub, then first Anwar and I.." ..will stop him.. - He can never reach Gurnam. And some of you'll wait for my call in the nearby restaurant.. ..and the moment you get my call you will enter the pub. And then the next drama will start and its heroine.. ..will be Gauri. Listen to your part carefully. Do you have courage? "You will have to come to the police station, Mr. Sahni." "You go there. What happened, Mr. Kashyap?" We doubt that the girl whom you who is with you.. "..is Mrs. Gaurnam, who we are searching." She is not Mrs. Gauram.. ..because she never got married. I saved her from a villain's claws. "lf she is not Mrs. Gaurnam, then that means she came.." ..here with on the fake passport of Mrs. Gaurnam. We will have to arrest her also. Will you please bring her along with you? Does Gurnam knows that she is the girl.. ..who came here as his wife? - No. We don't want to tell this to him yet. We have to do some more investigation. "Mr. Inspector, I am about to expose a big conspiracy.." ..and that girl is a part of my plan. "lf you give me some more time, then I will not only.." "..find my brother's murders, but I will also.." ..unmask a big racket for which your entire police force.. ..working since a long time. Leave us for one more evening. And if I can't find out the truth till tomorrow.. ..then I will accept whatever punishment.. ..the government gives me for kidnapping a girl. Right! "Good morning, Mr. Gauram. - Good morning, Tony." Today you came before me. - l got the bus sooner. It seems that Bhuta.. Here is Bhuta. "Good morning, sir. - Morning." Come. - lt's so cold. Wow! Today I am the first customer in this pub. "Miss, get me a nice drink." "Are you again in the Patiala mood, friend? - Not at all." That day I said Patiala and you broke my nose. I heard that Mr. Gurnam's pub is running well. Yesterday I got my salary and I thought of having a drink.. ..in the morning. One double Patiala and one soda. "Mr. Gaurnam, where are you? I heard a lot about your pub." "Bansilal! You made me wait for too long, friend. - Veer?" Welcome! Welcome! The buddies' buddy is here. Give him a drink. He crossed seven seas and came here. "Friend, you are working here? - Mr. Bansi, all are friends." "Take double Patiala, you are from Punjab. - lt's enough." You are our friend. "Not only your, but he is our friend too." Do some inunction for him. "No evil eye should fall on us, friends." The pub is full today.. "l fear these fair ladies might lose their hearts." "No evil eye should fall on us, friends." The pub is full today.. "l fear these fair ladies might lose their hearts." "We met in our village a few days ago." "And now we are meeting here in an English pub." "We used to smoke hukka with a turban on our head." "Now we are talking in suits and boots." "Memories and promises.. - Dreams and intentions.." "Things that we forgot.. - Let's get nostalgic about them." "Our old topics.. - Are still waiting for us." We missed you till now. "lt's an old tradition that the thief scolds the owner." We accept it. The pub is full today.. "l fear these fair ladies might lose their hearts." "Think twice before stepping forward, it's a valley of fire." "lf you want to meet friends, then meet them with love." There you have a life-partner.. "..here you change life-partners everyday." "lf that's right, then this is also right. To each his own." "The flowers, the anklets.. - The dot and kohl." "Neither there is veil.. - Neither is there a sari." "The clouds of British beauty vanish now and then." "lt's very hard to win the hearts of both east and west." The pub is full today.. "l fear these fair ladies might lose their hearts." "One day you sent me, but whom did you send now?" "l have already suffered, but what did you come here for?" "Say something about our farms where you came from." "Here we feel suffocated due to the smoke." "Come to us. - Call them all." "Wake up.. - ..those who are sleeping." "We do things.. - ..very frightened." "We escaped death by a wink so many times." Eat and drink and enjoy the life. "This life won't come again. - Then get me a drink." The pub is full today.. "l fear these fair ladies might lose their hearts." "No evil eye should fall on us, friends." The pub is full today.. "l fear these fair ladies might lose their hearts." Chase those goons. - l will call the police right now. "Mr. Gouram, I will chase those goons.." ..or else we can't find out Bansi. And while they were running I got this newspaper from.. ..one of them and I doubt that this girl is none other than.. ".. Shabnam, whom police is searching." Close the pub and don't let her leave this place. Don't worry. Do as I said. I will tear your clothes into pieces.. ..if you won't tell me your real name. But if you behave properly and say everything to me.. "..then darling, I love you, so don't be scared of me." Tell me what your real name is. I said tell me your real name. "O God, save me. - l see, so Shabnam can also speak." "Dear, have some more whiskey." "Buddy, he drinks whiskey every day." Today he came to Anwar's house. Get him Punjabi liquor. "Mr. Bansi, forgive me for this inconvenience.." ..but you are kept here for your welfare only.. ..or else they would have throw you.. ..in river Thames by now. Behave yourself. He brought you people to a foreign-land.. ..and got you a job and you are misbehaving with him? He will have to stay alive. "Because he won't stay alive, then how will he speak!" I will dial a number and you will say.. ..what I will write on this paper. "Ok, I will tell everything." Tell me or else I will beat you so hard with my hunter.. ..that you will have scars on your body forever. A person who calls himself Sameer's brother.. ..forced me to act like a dumb girl. - Sameer's brother? He wants to know about this pub.. ..and he also want to know about Sameer who is missing. Sameer's brother? Tell me further. He told me that if I don't help him then he'll get me arrested. I ran away from him after I got down from the plane. Who is that person? What is his name? Where does he stay? - His name is Veer. Veer? Tell me further. - Yes. And he lives where l stay.. ..in a old Gujarati's lady house. "The address is 20, Farrar Rd. Goldars green." "Gurnam speaking. - Gurnam, I escaped from their claws." But I came to know about a big conspiracy. Sameer Sahni's brother Veer Sahni is living in London.. ..and came for the partnership in the pub. He forced Gauri to work in your pub as dumb Shabnam. "But.. - He is living in old Gujarati lady, Mrs. Dinshah's.." "..house, whom I know very well. Right now I am.." ..speaking from her house only. The address is.. "20, Farer Rd. Golders Green." Come here immediately. That rascal isn't here now. - Listen. "Don't ask me any question, Gurnam." And try to reach here immediately.. ..or else you will have to lose your pub.. ..and you will have to go to jail as well. "Take the address again, Mrs. Dinshaw, 20, Farrar Rd.." ..Goldars Green. "l love you, darling. I won't leave you. I will tie here down." Take some more pain for me. I too suffered a lot for you. Come downstairs. No! No. - l will not leave you. I will tie you here. If he buried the dead body somewhere.. ..then this letter will take him there. The only thing is that he should get this letter. Let him come here. I will take care of the rest. Mrs. Dinshaw. - Mrs. Dinshaw! I want to meet Bansi. - Bansi went out for cigarettes. Come later if you want to meet him. "Hey, what are you doing! - You came in without.." ..my permission and closed the doors. What do you mean! Bansi is my friend and my name is Gurnam. "Gurnam! Yes, Bansi was telling me.." ..that if Gurnam comes ask him to sit inside. Please sit down. What are you staring at? Do you live here alone or anyone else lives with you? What do you mean? - l mean does anyone else.. ".. lives with you? - No, I used to live here alone." But since I took the two paining guests.. ..they made my life a hell. See what they made of this house. "This girl is a nice person, but that boy is a jerk." He's a big scoundrel. I already told Bansi.. ..that Veer Sahni will use Gauri and then leave her. See what the condition of the room is. See how he keeps his room. He's such a dirty person. He hasn't even given me the rent since he came here. I doubt him a lot. Sometimes he looks this way.. ..and sometimes he looks that way.. ..and sometimes he looks at me. "Sometimes he hears that way, sometimes he hears this way.." ..and sometimes he hears what I speak too. If he comes today I won't even open the door. I will call the police and get him arrested. I will sell his clothes and I will give him nothing. Nothing at all! - Balbir Singh Sahni. "Excuse me, aren't you ashamed to read.." "..others' letter. - Old lady, don't you want live more." "'Respected father, you will be happy to know.."' '..that I bought a pub here and I've given my friend Gurnam..' '..33o/o partnership. There is no guaranty of one's life.' 'And since I am living in foreign-land..' '.. I have hidden my will's paper in Fleet Street's..' '.. Loyard Bank's locker no. 55.' "'lf something happens to me, then you will get the keys.."' '..of the locker in my Grey flannel coat's pocket.' 'lt's the same court that I am wearing in this photo.' It's his writing and the date is also correct. I should get the papers. Then no one can even touch me. And then I can get rid of Sylvia. She always lied to me that the pub's paper.. ..are along with lawyer Smith. I will get the key from his coat's pocket. It is the same coat that he wore that day. So the keys are hidden there. You people stay here and don't let the old lady.. ..go anywhere else. lf Bansi comes tell him.. ..that I waited for him till now. Catch them. Don't let them go out. "Sir, it's me, Bhuta Singh. I was roaming riverside.." ..and I came here. - l am working inside. Don't let anyone come inside. - Don't worry at all. You helped me a lot in the pub. Take this. "Thanks, Mr. Gurnam. You go in without any worry." I won't let even the air pass in. You brought a bride from India and all these days.. ..you have been promising me to marry me? You will have to pay for betraying me. What will you take to leave me? - Give me the pub. What if I don't? - Then don't forget that Sameer also had.. ..a copy of the partnership papers of this pub.. ..which the lawyer knows and he is my lawyer. "Ok, do whatever you want to do, but leave me first. Out!" I can take you to jail for forgery. - Out! I will get you hanged for Sameer's murder. You will be hanged. - lf l will be hanged.. ..then you can also not escape. "Mr. Gouram, you put me in trouble." "lf you will get hanged, then how will we survive?" This murder secret should be hidden carefully. What are you doing here? You were asked to stay outside. "Miss. Sylvia was here, so I thought someone else.." ..may also come here. And the back door is also open. "l thought I should guard here. - Ok, take this." Take all the money and stand outside. - All the money! "Mr. Gaurnam, what will just 50-60 pounds do!" When the time for business came.. ..you started kidding with Bhuta. "Mr. Gauram, you pub should also survive.." ..and you should also stay away from murder charge. For such loyalty the money should also be good. "Ok, take this. I don't have more than this right now." "This amount won't work, Mr. Gouram." "lf you want Sameer's share, then you will have to.." ..give me you share. - What share? I didn't get you. I trust your word completely. You tell me if you will give me or not. I trust your word. "Take the decision fast, Mr. Gouram.." ..because you might not know but your enemies.. ..have reached London to take revenge from you. What's the guaranty that you will keep it a secret? I am ready sign on the stamp papers. "Ok, I do agree. You will have to guard the pub." Stand outside and don't let anyone come inside. Don't worry at all. Till Bhuta Singh is here.. "..even air won't come inside, let alone people." "But remember one thing, sir, the moment you will come.." "..upstairs, I will make you sign the papers." "Ok, no one should come inside. - Don't worry at all." Bastard! I will see you after I come upstairs. I came to meet Mr. Gouram for something important. Has he gone to cellar? - There is no need to talk to.. ".. Mr. Gouram, Veer Sahni. Talk to me now because.." ..I am also a partner of this pub. Now no one will find where you disappeared. "Be patient for some more time, Gauri." Now stop it! I can't see anything. Leave me. Leave me. You won. - Now tell me is there any other way.. "..to go inside. - Yes, there is a way." I broke the bars of the window in the cellar. You know we have to do all these things. You can go from there. The key was in the coat's pocket. "Your death has brought you here, Gouram." You have fooled the law for a long time. Now your time is over. - Tony? Assume that Sameer is back to take his revenge. I won't let you come outside. I have the electric wire that can burn you down. The electric wire will go into water.. ..and there will be current in the water and you will die. Throw the pistol since you have seen that.. ..these wires can't do anything to me.. ..because I am standing on rubber and dry wood.. ..and you are totally drenched. Will you throw the pistol or not? - l will. I will throw the pistol. - Throw it in my direction. "Stop it, Tony. Stop it." Right now there are two bullets left in it. "Forgive me! I will make you super-rich, Tony." "Super-rich? How will you return my brother, rouge?" You are Sameer's brother? "You dug his grave, but now you will go into the grave." "No! - None other will cry again, but everyone will.." ..celebrate that an evil person like you died. "lf you will go to the grave alive, then you'll know what death is." 'Below this letter if I had written Sameer's name..' "'..instead of Veer's name, then you would have assume.."' "'..from Sameer. Sameer isn't alive, but he isn't dead either."' 'Because he who fights from truth is always stays alive.' "'And Sameer's father, his mother, his wife and kids.."' "'..shouldn't cry, but they should be proud of him.."' '..so that his Sameer's soul should be immortal.' 'Those who wanted to kill Sameer and his thoughts..' '..are destroyed and they are in police custody now.' 'And the dream that Sameer had in the foreign-land..' '..has come true.' l am not alone without you. Your memories are with me. "My only wish that the flowers of different colors.." ..blossom together. "lt's neither yours nor mine, but it's ours." This foreign-land. Yes? How dare you? .. You dirty old man Hello? ...hello? Oh blast! Hello? - Hello? Whoever you are, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. It's me, Jeremy Brown. What are you doing, making obsene phone calls? Well I'm in bed with flu. In bed with who? FLU Well this is most inconvenient. Typical of the weeker sex. I shall expect you to be better by monday. In the meantime I suppose I shall have to take your class. Now, what is the meaning of this? It's to improve our English. We learn all the English dances. We are learning to be twisters, to trot like foxes, and mashed potatos. Also, we learn English phrases like.. Do you come here often.. And who is taking you home tonight? There are more useful English phrases to learn than those. Now you kindly tidy up this mess and sit down at once. All of you. And hurry I have to tell you that Mr. Brown will not be with us tonight. I hear that he has a virus. Oh, is that his girlfriend? He has the flu. He has laid up in the bed. Excuse please, how can he be laid UP in bed? Surely you are meaning "He is laid DOWN" The term 'to be laid up' means to say that he's been struck down. What a language! Here is nothing wrong with the English language. It is the most widely spoken language in the world. Does anyone know the origin of the English language? Come along. Where did English come from? England! Not quite! The early Brittons were Celtic. From Glasgow! - I beg your pardon? There is Glasgow Rangers, Glasgow Celtics. Football. I was not referring to Football, I was talking about the race. No, no, no. Is not a race, is football. I see them play at the Milano in the cup. Don't contradict me And if I have anymore of your stupid remarks, I shall send you out of the class. The Celts were a race of people. Then came the Gauls. You see! I was right! You have the goals in football. Alright, Mr.Capello. I did warn you. Kindly leave the class. Where do I go to? Well, I suggest that you go home and study your books. Now, where was I? You were standing there, and you are still standing there. Silence! Now take heed, because I shall not tell you again. Anyone who persists in uttering idiotic nonsense will be sent home. The Romans invaded Britton in 43 AD. Can anyone tell me what 'AD' means? After Dark. Right! Mr.Nadim Come along, off you go. What am I going for? Don't argue, just go! Excuse please? - Out! To continue.. 'AD' means Anno Domini, which refers to time since the birth of our lord. The time before his birth we refer to as 'BC'. Does anyone know what 'BC' means? Before Christmas Hokey, I go. The Romans were supplanted by the Angles, Saxons and Jutes.. Who brought with them a new language. Excuse please I thought I told you to go. - Yes I go but I come back. You are wanting on the telephone. Mr Brown is wishing to speak with you. Oh, very well. - Excuse please? -No! Anna? - Ja? You will take charge of the class in my absense. I shall not be long. And don't stand for any nonsense. Do not worry. I shall be standing for nothing. I shall be sitting down. Hello? Oh, hello Mrs. Courtney.. I just wanted to tell you that, I've got all the students' homework here. Perhaps if you could send someone around to collect it? .. We do not have a messenger service, Mr. Brown.. Arre you sure you are too ill to come in? Yes, I still fell pretty groaky. Besides I wouldn't like you to catch my cold. I never catch cold. I expect the germs freeze to death instantly in your veins. What was that? - Oh, nothing. Look, I better hang up. If you want the homework, it's here. And, where is everybody? They are giving me stupid answers. So I sent them all home. Oh, go away! I not hear nothing. - Me too. Maybe he is sleeping. Why don't we try around the backdoor - Backdoor more better. Hello? Anybody there? - Yes, please. Oh, it is you! - Yes it is me. You rang the bell a minute ago? - No I'm only just arriving. Well, somebody rang the bell. There's nobody here. Hey, bed still warm. Why the door open? - Oh, no good! You're right Jameela, somebody can come-in and steal something. What was that? What is what? - There was a noise. There's somebody in there. They've locked the door! - Oh blimey! I think you are getting a broken house. Burglers? - Yes, please. I think they are ringing on your bell to see if you are inside.. And now, they are breaking-in. - You could be right. What's the matter? - I hear something. Good lord! You're right Ali, I am being house broken; That was a very evil eye I saw. It's a big evil eye. Move out the way. I open the door. Stand back! I am going to break the door down. What have you done to Mr. Brown? You damn fools! How we know that is Mr. Brown? Thats Mr. Brown. Oh! Mr. Brown, are you alright? Yes, Just fine. Apart from a touch of consussion, and raging fever, I am teriffic! Thank goodness! We thought you had flu. What are you all doing here? Why aren't you at school? Well, we finished early so we thought we come and give you visits. Oh, thats very kind of you. Now we bring you a big bunch of grapes - Oh! Thank you. We eat one or two on the way. Well, it's the thought that counts. You must get in bed immediatemo. Yes, I am starting to feel cold again. - Masterji, I have knit small gift for you. Oh! Thank you, Jameela. You try. - Very kind of you. Oh, little big. - Yeah, well it'll keep me warm. Oh blimey, you will not be needing to wear any glouse. Perhaps it will shrink. Come, Monsieur Brown, I must have you in bed. Pardon? Oh! I see what you mean. Let me tuck you in. Is that better? - Yes, I'm starting to feel warm all over now. Jameela and I will make you some hot milk. Hot milk, most good for worms. - Worms? I haven't got worms. Not Worms... Wuurms! Do you mean colds? - Yes colds. Well, I must say it is very good of all of you to come, and visit me. Take a chair each. - Jolly good! Where do you wish us to take chairs? No one need to take them anywhere. Just sit down on them over here. Mr. Brown, I have something here to make you feel much better. Thats very good of you Ali.. But I don't want anymore medicine. But it is jolly good for your chest. Are you sure? - Oh blimey, yes! Lets have a look at.. Ow! Smells awefull. I'm telling you, it is gauranteed to Kill or Cure. I don't like the first alternative. Well, here it goes. Eew! Its foul! Oh dearie me! I'm thinking you should not have been drinking that medicine. You said it would cure my chest. Yes, But you are supposed to be rubbing it on. You poisoned me! I ring the Doctor. - Is more important we ring the priest. Priest? What for? - Last sacrement. You may be dead before doctor comes. Oh great, you may go all the way and send for the undertaker. Okey, whats his address? Excuse please.. He is not being poisoned. This medcine, also very good for your stomach. Makes you get up and... Go! Ah! It's all I need! Monsieur Brown, I have spilled all the milk all over my dress and now it will be runied. You havent' spilled the whole pint have you? Its for today and tomorrow. Thank you very much! You better go and spunge it off in the *baff*room. Are you alright? You've got a funny color. - I think it was something I just drank. Shall I give you the 'Kiss of Life'? - Yes. NO! You'll catch my cold. - You can give me the 'Kiss of Life' please. Me too! So you like the kissing, yes? - Oh yes, - Yes please. Oh good. I shall give both of you the most beautiful French kiss. I wonder who's gonna be first. Close your eyes. Excuse Mr. Brown. Is there anything else you are wishing us to do? Yes. Just go home. You don't want us to stay? I appreciate your calling, but I would recover much quicker if were left alone. Okey, we go to the pub. We hope you much better soon Mr. Brown Come on, Ali. KALINYCHTA - Buonanotte - Good evening Good night. Masterji? - Oh. Hot water. - Thank you, Jameela. See who that is, would you? What are you doing here? I warm bed for masterji. - I-beg your pardon? It's alright, Ms. Courtney. She means, she was just warming a hot water bottle for me. Mr. Brown, it is highly improper for this young lady to be here alone with a man. I can assure you Ms Courtney, that nothing improper is taking place. Monsieur Brown.. Where can I hang my dress? Good night, Mr Brown sir. Good evening Ranjeet. What are you up to? I am coming here to be making you over the weather. Over the weather? - Yes Becuase I'm hearing you are under the weather. You better come in and sit down. Are we going to be sitting down togethor? - No, I still don't feel too well. I think bed is the best place. - Whatever you say. I didn't mean the two of us. - Thousand apologies. See who that is, Ranjeet. Ah, Juan, pleased to come in. - I come to see how Mr. Brown is. You OK? - Terrible. Never mind. I come to cheer you up. - Oh good. I could do with cheering up. I think... you not look very well. I think.. he look very white. - He IS white. But.. he look more white than before. I think you have.. what we call in Sevilla, 'The three day Reaper' I don't like the sound of that. Only last three days. On the first day, fever like you have. On the second day, white as you are.. And on the third day... You get better? - No, you die! Finito, finito. Oh..thanks for coming to cheer me up. Is alright! - I bring you something. Don't tell me it's some spanish medicine recommended for rubbing on chests. No medicina. Funtador! - Funtador? Si. Spanish brandy. Un momento.. Is a good taste. Its strong! - Kill all germs. Not household germs. - Any germs. I must say it's warming me up already. Can I have some more? - Sure, sure. I go. Oh, Taro! - Aso! Come in, sit down. Have a drink. Ranjeet? - Yes please, Mr. Brown? I need some glasses. Are your eyes bad as well? I mean glasses to drink from. - Thousand apologies. Bring three. May I? - Si, hombre. Here you are, Mr. Brown. - Thank you. One for Taro. - Thank you. One for Ranjeet. - You are most kind. And one... for... Juan. Bottoms up! What is bottoms up? It's an English phrase used when having a drink. I am thinking.. It is not easy to be drinking with bottom up. Ranjeet.. It refers to the glass. The bottom of the galss - Tip it up. Ah, si. As you say.. Up the hatch! Down the hatch. - Si, down the hatch! Now I'm understanding. I am also knowing another saying. ♪ Round the teeth and, through the ♪ ♪ gums, lookout tummy, here it comes ♪ Very good! Do you mind if I have another.. Look! You finished the bottle. I was just beginning to enjoy myself. I have brought.. genuine Japanese.. Sake! - Oh sake! Yes I've heard of that. It's what those.. Geisha girls give you, Isn't it? Geisha.. girls.. give you.. much more. Yes, so I understand. Eh Taro, Is it true, that the Geisha girl. They give the 'mass' on the nothingness? In Japan, man has code-o. He go.. seek Geisha. - What happens? Geisha prepare a hot bath-o, then wash men-o, all over. I should think that would send your temperature up. After, men lie on bed-o Geisha.. wrap him with perfumed oils-o. Does that cure a cold? - No, it makes it much nice-o! Ranjeet, leave the door unlocked. So if anybody comes they can walk straight in. Good evening, Mr. Blown. - Ah Su Li and Anna! We bring you something to make you well. - Thats very kind of you, but I'm feeling a lot better. These will clear your head instant. Take! I tried everything else. I'm sure a couple more pills won't make any difference. Now we need some hot water. - Its alright, I'll take it with the sake. What for you do that? - You said that will clear my head. You are suppsoed to put them in the hot water, and beath-in the fumes. Oh, I don't feel well! What about you, Su-Li. Have you bought some chinese medcine for me? Oh this is not medicine. It is vely ancient chinese tleatment. Is it anything like the Geisha girls? - Oh, much better! Oh well, in that case.. First, you must lay. - Yeah? alright. Only to waist. Lie down on stomach. - Like this? Yes. - Yeah? I'm ready. Vely good. Oh blimey! Whats the matter? - Oh nothing, nothing whats so ever. Ah, it's lovely. Can you do the other side as well? I've heard of 'Kill or Cure', but thats ridiculous. What are you doing? Acuplunture, Vely old chinese custom. I got it from honolable ancestor. Well honorable ancestors can jolly well have it back. We coma back! We all each has bring you something to cheer you up. Jamaica Rum! French Wine! Greek boozo! Italian trapa! Hey, you taste that. Huh You say it was an accident? Accident. Danielle spill milk on her dress. - Ah, I see. It appears that for once I have mis-judged Mr. Brown. Well, I suppose I had better call-in and apologize on my way home. Who wants another drink, Eh? Hey everybody! It's the conga! Mr. Brown? Hello, Ms. Courtney. - This is disgraceful. No please. This is congo. Silence! I suggest you all leave immediately. As for you Mr. Brown words fail- Ah, come on, Ms Courtney.. They are only coming here to cheer me up. I warn you Mr Brown, if this sort of thing ever occurs again in the future, You - Are - OUT Mr. Brown! There are many schools of martial arts in our country. One of which is the Southern style. Besides Hung, Lau, Choy and Li, Mok styles, it also includes a popular style called Wing Chun Kuen. Legend has it that Wing Chun Kuen was founded by a Shaolin Abbess Ng Mui. She imparted her skills to a girl, Yim Wing Chun. Hence the name Wing Chun Kuen. Yim imparted her skills to her husband Leung Bok Chau. Leung taught Wong Wah Bo. Wong taught Leung Jan. Leung Jan's family owned a pharmacy, Hang Sang Tong, in FoShan. He was a proficient herbalist and qualified in bone manipulation. Leung Jan is a kind and helpful man. He's very respected in the village. The villagers called him Master Jan. FoShan has another kind and rigteous man called Chan Wah. He's brave and would stand against any injustice. He would help anyone in trouble. There are many Kung Fu experts in FoShan. Each has their own training school. Competition to get into these schools was strong. Chan Wah has always been interested in Kung Fu. He first learnt Kung Fu on his own. He later became a student of Leung Jan. He is to become the fifth generation Wing Chun Master. Wah was working as a cashier at Mok Kei Bank. He's known as Cashier Wah. My fellow villagers, Fatty's stall is now open... Please buy something. Ladies and gentlemen, we've fresh rice dumplings. Every one is specially made. Please try one. It's very tasty. Come on, please buy one. Hey! Tall one... No, Uncle. Rice dumpling, look carefully before buying. Don't you like rice dumplings? OK... This is a special rice dumpling, good with either sugar or salt. This is really special, it tastes wonderful. Marvellous. Hey! - Hey Fatty! I'm looking for a restaurant. - What? Are you deaf? Where's the restaurant? Straight from here, then turn left and left and left. Left and left and left again. When you see Ah Sao, you're there. - Fatty! - Good morning, buying dumplings? - Wait. - I've something to tell you. What? Someone in your family died? Nonsense, it's your family. All my family members have died. I'm the only survivor. Fatty, someone has been talking about you. Who's that? Spittle Mun. Spittle Mun? I don't know him. What did he say? He said that Wing Chun Kuen is good but what you learnt is crap. Everyone in FoShan from three to 83 years old knows that I am a student of Leung Jan. - Really? - How old is Spittle Mun? He's 84. No wonder. What's so good about Wing Chun? I'm good at Horse Groin Clamps. The Sifu of my Sifu was practising Horse Groin Clamps under a big tree. Suddenly there was a thunderstorm. A bolt of lightning felled the tree. The Sifu of my Sifu didn't move an inch. Such is the power of Horse Groin Clamps. - That's impressive. - How is he now? He got struck by lightning and died. It's true, I was told. Spittle Mun said that your Horse Groin Clamps isn't that good. If I'm in the stance, ten of you can't move me. - Really? - He's boasting. If you can handle the power of my palm, I'll be impressed. Who do you think you are? Let's try. Let's bet then, if I can move you with my palm, you give me all your dumplings. If you can't? Then I'll buy all your dumplings. - Good. - Let's do it. - You're not to move once you're ready. - OK. Hey! Mister, stop it. No! No! Mister! Why are you taking my dumplings? I'm not taking your dumplings, I'm claiming them. You've lost the bet. Are you denying it? - I... - I want to thank you. - Rice dumplings... - Savoury dumplings... Rice dumplings, savoury dumplings, sweet dumplings... How many? Please come inside. Please be seated. Please be seated. Master, be seated. Damn, the table is too small for seven of us. We'll sit there, follow me. Master, I'm sorry but this table has been reserved. Reserved? By who? Master Jan, this is his regular table. Master Jan? Never heard of him. Sit. Master... Master Jan. Third Uncle, look at them. It's nothing to do with you. So you're Master Jan. Yes, what can I do for you? Who is this girl? She's my niece. She's taken my seat, what are you doing about it? I apologise. Kam Fung, stand up and give your seat back to him. Bitch, trying to make fun of me? Stop it! We've just arrived and you're already in trouble. It's not a time to fight. Gentleman, please tell me, where is the Mok Kei Bank? Those bullies must have taken advantage of you again. Cashier Wah, you can help someone poor. Can you cure someone stupid? I don't think so. I want a change of career. I'll sell watermelons next. Why? You make a loss whenever you sell something. Even if people don't cheat you, you end up eating all your stock. Why don't you give me some advice? What business should I do? There's a job that you won't be cheated in and you won't eat anything. - Fatty, not selling dumplings any more? - I have a new career. New career? What are you selling now? Can it be eaten? You're clearing shit now? If I don't change my career, you'll cheat me again. Boss, we thought you were dead. We're surprised to see you here. There's one more thing that you'll never guess. I've opened a bank here using the money we made together. We've been doing good business. We've made twice as much now. Let's split the money. Iron Fist, you really are a pea-brain. Because of Mok Kei Bank I am a respectable man in this village. Boss, respectability doesn't buy food. But I can use it as a springboard. What do you have in mind? I want to control FoShan. There's still a bill in my pocket. No wonder I couldn't balance the account. If I become the Village Head here, you guys will have nothing to worry about. Aren't you afraid of other contenders? There's only one person in this village who could compete with me. - Who's he? - Leung Jan. If we want to kill the current Village Head, it's easy. We just have to make it look like an accident. I've already got a plan. Who's that? Rushing around like a blind chicken? Master Yao, I've something important to tell the Village Head. What makes you think that the Village Head doesn't need to sleep? What's the matter? - Really? - Yes. I didn't know that Boss Mok was like that. I hope you have not told anyone about this. I haven't. Good! This is an important matter, you have to tell the Village Head personally. But you can't do it in his house. Let's meet at the Mountain Pavilion early in the morning. I'll come with the Village Head. Cashier Wah, it was your misfortune to have bumped into me. This must be the worst day of your life. What do you mean? It means that you have shit luck. Luck of a lump of shit. I don't know what are you talking about. - Where's the Village Head? - The Village Head. My job is done. Brother Wah, what happened? Where is he? - Search inside. - OK. What happened to him? I don't know, ask him when he's conscious. - You want Cashier Wah to come to us? - Yes. Cashier Wah is a loyal family man. If something happens to his mother, he'll definitely come to us. Remember, this time don't let him escape. You have a good rest. Fatty, go to my house and tell my mother not to worry about me. OK, I'll do it now. What happened? I'm not sure, but I heard that Cashier Wah's mother was killed by bandits last night. Where's Cashier Wah? I don't know. I've sent someone to the Mok Kei Bank for him but he didn't go to work. - Put more men on the case, find him. - OK. Fatty, how is my mum? She's very well. Did she tell you anything? She said... She said you shouldn't rush to see her. Fatty, besides my mum, did you see anyone else? Yes, I saw the Village Head. - In my house? - No, I saw him walking past. - Fatty, I have another favour to ask you. - What? Tell the Village Head that someone is trying to kill him. Ask him to be careful. - Is it true? - Yes. Fatty. Tell the Village Head personally, don't let anyone know about it. Fatty, any women bathing inside? Why can't I see it? - Inside? Nothing there. - Nothing? If there's nothing there, what are you peeping at? Nothing. - If there's nothing to see, get out of here. - All right. What are you looking at, bum? Hey! Village Head. - What is it? - I've something to tell you. I'm busy, what is it? - Someone wants to kill you. - What? Someone is trying to kill you, you must be careful. Watch what you say. Who wants to kill the village head? - I don't know. - Then what are you on about? Nonsense. Trust me for once, I'm not lying. Who told you that? Someone, but I can't tell you his name. You are talking nonsense. Me? Talking nonsense? I don't think so. Stupid Fatty, I told you to get lost. What are you doing here? - Nothing, nothing. - Get lost then. - OK, I'm going. - Scram. - Why the leg? - I'm sorry. Looking for trouble? I'll kill you... I'll kill you! - What are you doing? - Cramps. Much better now. Where has he gone? The next time I see you, you'll be dead. Fatty was telling the truth. Village Head! Serving The People Why isn't he here yet? We're very busy. My fellow villagers, we've tried our best to find the Village Head. This meeting can't happen without him. According to our constitution, if the Village Head fails to attend without reason, we have the right to choose another head. Before we have more news from the Village Head, I recommend that all his duties fall to the boss of Mok Kei Bank. How about that? - Good, good, good. - I agree. Cashier Wah, where are you going? To see my mum. You can't show yourself yet. I'll be careful. I'll return as soon as I see her. - You won't recognise her. - What do you mean? Your mum is dead. Fatty, say that again. I'm not lying. I saw the undertakers carrying her out. It can't be true! Don't go! If those seven guys see you, they won't let you go. They killed my mother. I want revenge. Listen to me. They did it to lure you out. You will fall for their trick if you go. I must avenge my mother's death. You're not their match, they are too strong for you. If you want revenge, go beg my Sifu. Beg Master Jan. Cashier Wah is at Master Jan's. Yes, I just found out. I never expected Leung Jan to get involved. It doesn't look like it. If Leung Jan wanted to get involved, he would do something. Anyway, Leung Jan is a nuisance to us. Let's show him who's in charge. Master Jan. Master Jan, I've not eaten for two days. Thank you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Good morning, Master Jan. What a coincidence. Please, join me. - I'll do it myself. - Fine. Please have some tea. Master Jan, we are here specially for you. What can I do for you? A simple task, give us our man. Your man? Cashier Wah is of no use to you. You two have misunderstood. I haven't sheltered Cashier Wah. He's just another of my patients. I've no intention of getting involved between you and him. Until he's fully recovered, he'll remain in my establishment. That's my responsibility. Trade him with your own life then. Stop it! Who are you? How dare you start trouble here? These guys obey you. You can't be good. Master Jan, how did you get mixed up with these people? I must have offended them when I was much younger. - Ah Mao! - Yes. I'll pay for the damage. You don't have to. Thank you, Master Jan. - Boss Mok, I have to go now. - Please. Herbs Encyclopaedia Cashier Wah, I don't know what dispute you have with those people. And I don't wish to know. Since you've fully recovered, you can go now. Master Jan, why won't you adopt me? You want me to adopt you as my student only for revenge. To learn Kung Fu for revenge is against the principle. - Master Jan, those are bad people. - Enough. To settle any dispute, one party has to give in first. That's the only way to avoid bloodshed. Cashier Wah, you can go now, I won't take you as my student. - Sifu. - Sifu. Thank you. Sifu, is Cashier Wah still kneeling in the study? - Third Uncle... - How many times have I told you? No talking when you are eating. Sifu, I know. No talking when I'm eating. Come on, please take a seat first. Don't choke yourself. Fatty, your idea didn't work. If I kneel any longer, I'll be paralysed. Sifu is a very conservative man. What should I do now? Should I kneel or should I go? What next? I'm thinking about it. Third Uncle, have some tea, please. Kam Fung, has Cashier Wah left? No, but he's found another Sifu. Another Sifu? - Sifu's here, get ready. - OK. Kneel down, kneel down. Little Sifu, have some tea, please. Fatty, what are you doing? Since you rejected him as a student, I've decided to teach him myself. Now he is to call me Sifu. - Student. - Here. - On your feet. - Yes. I'll teach you some basics. Little Sifu, why are you not using your hands? - This is the Handless style. - What stance is this? This is the Two Gangsters stance. Push your bum forward. What's the function of this. Wing Chun practitioners' way of healing piles. Is this Wing Chun style? Why do you care? Just do what I say. In Wing Chun, our hand has to look like Snake or Crane... Why is your Crane slanted? This is the Slanted Crane from Wing Chun. Hand block. Left block, right block, big block. Last block, done. Why are you keeping the blocks in your pocket? We have so many blocks, where else can you keep them? That makes sense. In Wing Chun, we go over the bridge, not under it. Show me your hand. - What if there's no bridge? - No bridge? Build one yourself, stupid. Build a bridge? How do I do that? What does this look like? - A bridge. - Yes, it's more like a bridge than a tunnel. Do you understand now? Let's have a sparring match. We'll see whose style is better. But I warn you that Wing Chun is unbeatable, you can't touch me. This is Cultivating Hand. This is Twisted Hand. The next is... Little Sifu, what's the next move? Back arch... It hurts! Watch out again. - Sifu... - You are a disgrace to Wing Chun. Here, come on. He will adopt you as his student. Quick, serve Sifu some tea. Sifu. Abbess Ng Mui developed Wing Chun after witnessing a snake and a crane fight. She later refined it to three routines. The first routine is Little Ideas. Why is it called Little Ideas? Sifu doubts that we will learn the whole system of Wing Chun, so he won't teach us Big Thoughts, he will only give us Little Ideas. Hence the term Little Ideas. Stay focused! Hey! We've learnt this before. - Let's practise somewhere else. - Good idea. Searching the Bridge. Darting Fingers. Our moves come from the heart, our strength from the ground. The Six in One Move is from your ankle, knee, waist, shoulder, elbow and wrist. Strength from the six points merge to form the Six in One Move. The weakest part is your fist. Other parts, like your palm, elbow and shoulder, could be attacked and defended. The fist has three points. Two points are here, watch. The palm has three angles. Palm should be flexible. Hand can be snake or crane. The form resembles a chicken, the force resembles a cat. The energy should be directed at the enemy. Expend your energy only when necessary. I'm teaching you the most fundamental technique of Wing Chun, Separate Hand. Attack me. This is Deadly Slap. Dispersing Attack. Winged Arm Darting Punch. Controlling Arm. Subdue Head, Rattle Tail. Divert the attack, Linking Fast Palms. Come again. Cultivating Hand. This is the Fiery Dragon. Follow me. Show me two fingers. When I let go, catch it. Pick it up. Let's try again. Do you know why you can't catch it? Your eyes see it and alert the brain before signalling your fingers to catch - all this takes too long. That's why in Wing Chun there's a technique called Sticky Hand. Sticky Hand trains the sensitivity of your hand. It also allows you to apply force appropriately. Do you understand? - Fatty. - Yes, Sifu. Practise with him. Just now you are using impetus Power. Impetus Power combined with Directional Power will result in a momentous explosive force. This is the power of combined force. Sifu, what if the enemy uses his legs? You try. Use your arms to block high kicks. Use your legs to negate the low kicks. Do you understand? Vengeance Cashier Wah, I'll teach you the secrets of Wing Chun, I hope that you'll pass it on. Sifu, I won't disappoint you. Block it. You must use the fastest time and the shortest contact to get these two dummies back to their place. Sifu. You can't even control two dummies. If I were your third enemy, you would be dead. Start from the top. With your skill you can defeat more than two dummies. Your problem is that you can't concentrate. When you enter this dummy corridor you only have one thing in mind. Vengeance Fatty has improved so much. He's been scoring. Sifu, he's... Every martial art practitioner has weaknesses. Even someone who has mastered the Invincible Armour technique. The most common weak points are, the eyes and the groin. To attack the weak points is not an easy task. The human body has 108 basic pressure points. The Invincible Armour technique won't change this. The points are consistently around the same area. The Invincible Armour is not hurt by a normal punch. But would be hurt by an impetus punch. As long as you disturb his energy flow, you have a chance to attack his weak points. The weakest points with the biggest surface area are the feet and the side of the feet. Now, I'll teach you the Wing Chun Six and a Half points Pole. First point, Twins on a Flute. Second point, Falling Sky. Third point, Deadly Ground. Fourth Point, Monkey Stealing Peach. Left Block, Right Bloom. Beauty Rowing a Raft, only half a point. Put together it becomes Six and a Half points Pole. The most difficult parts of this technique are stabbing and dispersing. It's about the way you disperse your energy to the tip of the pole. The pole has elasticity. Our aim is to combine its elasticity with our applied force effectively. Now, I want you to crush this olive stone. You didn't combine all your energy effectively. You are only able to push the stone aside. Try again. Sifu. Practice makes perfect. No pain, no gain. You should know the philosophy. Don't worry. Pick up all the olive stones now. Try again. Don't stop. Sifu, I'm... Your target is never stationary. If you respond only to your opponent's move, it's already too late. You have to reach the stage when you hit whatever you see. Try again. I'm not worried about Cashier Wah. It's Leung Jan that I'm wary of. - Master Jan won't compete with you. - I know. But he's sheltering Cashier Wah. He might cause a problem in the future. Master Jan is not a simple man. - Mister Yao, everyone has a habit. - That's true. - Habits mean weaknesses. - True. He might be very skilful but he's still human. Master Jan. What's happening? We are having renovations done, please sit upstairs. Master Jan, please be seated. Master Jan. I'm very hungry. You... I've not offended you so why are you attacking me? Killing you will get rid of a pain in my backside. Third Uncle, Third Uncle! Stop it. You will die together now. - Junior, even Sifu lost to them. - What should we do? - Go with Cashier Wah. - And you? I'll take care of myself. He's escaped. Stupid Fatty, not happy with the way you died? It's Fatty. - What have you found out. - What happened? Mok has become the Village Head. - He's taken over the village office? - Yes. Where are his accomplices? Let me think. I know. We'll have to attack them separately. Kam Fung. Use the Eight Slashing Knife to counter Tiger's Long Spear. Fatty, use your Sticky Hand to counter Thunder's technique. I'll use my Six and a Half Point Pole against Iron Fist. Let's do it tonight. I have to go. - No don't go. - It's getting late. - I'll come tomorrow night. - Master. Please come again. Thunder. You! I'm Tiger, Thunder wouldn't visit such a place. Shit. I've got the names mixed up. I'm in big trouble. Bamboo. Bamboo forest. Kam Fung, help me. He's here. It's no use. Get ready to see your dead Sifu. Your hand got stuck to mine. Sifu... Why did you die so easily? Are you really dead? I'm talking to you. Are you dead? You're really dead. If I see you down below, I'll kill you again and again. Stupid Fatty mixed up the names. I wonder how Fatty is doing? What's happening? We have intruders. You two take care of them. I'll go and get Boss Mok. Kam Fung, why couldn't you last longer? I give up. Does Boss Mok know Kung Fu? You're asking me? How should I know? I think I can take on the Fatty. You. Yes. Come on. Stupid Fatty, went for my weaker leg. No, I'll do it myself. Praying mantis. Left, right, left, die. - What's wrong? - Cramps. Much better. Where is he? Why is your head so hard? There's a plate on top. Should have kept you guessing. I'll pretend I don't know. Take that. - Why can't you feel that? - That's my numb and useless leg. - Are you going to let me through? - Yes, of course. Smart move. Let me down! Do you like it? I have a child and a wife, let me go! Let me down! Stupid Fatty. Thank you. Thanks a lot. You peed yourself. I know. This is Praying Mantis Grip. This is Fat Bird Pecking. Fatty, are you all right? I'm all right. Let's beat him together. - How? - I'll take his blows, you hit him. - OK. - I'm willing to die. Hit his head. Don't worry about me. Kill him. I'm falling. Fatty, are you all right? - Can you stand? - I'm not dead yet. - Can you walk? - No, you had better... You want me to carry you? No, I'll crawl out of here. Let's go, then. There are many schools of martial arts in our country. One of which is the Southern style. Besides Hung, Lau, Choy and Li, Mok styles, it also includes a popular style called Wing Chun Kuen. Legend has it that Wing Chun Kuen was founded by a Shaolin Abbess Ng Mui. She imparted her skills to a girl, Yim Wing Chun. Hence the name Wing Chun Kuen. Yim imparted her skills to her husband Leung Bok Chau. Leung taught Wong Wah Bo. Wong taught Leung Jan. Leung Jan's family owned a pharmacy, Hang Sang Tong, in FoShan. He was a proficient herbalist and qualified in bone manipulation. Leung Jan is a kind and helpful man. He's very respected in the village. The villagers called him Master Jan. FoShan has another kind and righteous man called Chan Wah. He's brave and would stand against any injustice. He would help anyone in trouble. There are many Kung Fu experts in FoShan. Each has their own training school. Competition to get into these schools was strong. Chan Wah has always been interested in Kung Fu. He first learnt Kung Fu on his own. He later became a student of Leung Jan. He is to become the fifth generation Wing Chun Master. Wah was working as a cashier at Mok Kei Bank. He's known as Cashier Wah. My fellow villagers, Fatty's stall is now open... Please buy something. Ladies and gentlemen, we've fresh rice dumplings. Every one is specially made. Please try one. It's very tasty. Come on, please buy one. Hey! Tall one... No, Uncle. Rice dumpling, look carefully before buying. Don't you like rice dumplings? OK... This is a special rice dumpling, good with either sugar or salt. This is really special, it tastes wonderful. Marvelous. Hey! - Hey Fatty! I'm looking for a restaurant. - What? Are you deaf? Where's the restaurant? Straight from here, then turn left and left and left. Left and left and left again. When you see Ah Sao, you're there. - Fatty! - Good morning, buying dumplings? - Wait. - I've something to tell you. What? Someone in your family died? Nonsense, it's your family. All my family members have died. I'm the only survivor. Fatty, someone has been talking about you. Who's that? Spittle Mun. Spittle Mun? I don't know him. What did he say? He said that Wing Chun Kuen is good but what you learnt is crap. Everyone in FoShan from three to 83 years old knows that I am a student of Leung Jan. - Really? - How old is Spittle Mun? He's 84. No wonder. What's so good about Wing Chun? I'm good at Horse Groin Clamps. The Sifu of my Sifu was practicing Horse Groin Clamps under a big tree. Suddenly there was a thunderstorm. A bolt of lightning felled the tree. The Sifu of my Sifu didn't move an inch. Such is the power of Horse Groin Clamps. - That's impressive. - How is he now? He got struck by lightning and died. It's true, I was told. Spittle Mun said that your Horse Groin Clamps isn't that good. If I'm in the stance, ten of you can't move me. - Really? - He's boasting. If you can handle the power of my palm, I'll be impressed. Who do you think you are? Let's try. Let's bet then, if I can move you with my palm, you give me all your dumplings. If you can't? Then I'll buy all your dumplings. - Good. - Let's do it. - You're not to move once you're ready. - OK. Hey! Mister, stop it. No! No! Mister! Why are you taking my dumplings? I'm not taking your dumplings, I'm claiming them. You've lost the bet. Are you denying it? - I... - I want to thank you. - Rice dumplings... - Savory dumplings... Rice dumplings, savory dumplings, sweet dumplings... How many? Please come inside. Please be seated. Please be seated. Master, be seated. Damn, the table is too small for seven of us. We'll sit there, follow me. Master, I'm sorry but this table has been reserved. Reserved? By who? Master Jan, this is his regular table. Master Jan? Never heard of him. Sit. Master... Master Jan. Third Uncle, look at them. It's nothing to do with you. So you're Master Jan. Yes, what can I do for you? Who is this girl? She's my niece. She's taken my seat, what are you doing about it? I apologize. Kam Fung, stand up and give your seat back to him. Bitch, trying to make fun of me? Stop it! We've just arrived and you're already in trouble. It's not a time to fight. Gentleman, please tell me, where is the Mok Kei Bank? Those bullies must have taken advantage of you again. Cashier Wah, you can help someone poor. Can you cure someone stupid? I don't think so. I want a change of career. I'll sell watermelons next. Why? You make a loss whenever you sell something. Even if people don't cheat you, you end up eating all your stock. Why don't you give me some advice? What business should I do? There's a job that you won't be cheated in and you won't eat anything. - Fatty, not selling dumplings any more? - I have a new career. New career? What are you selling now? Can it be eaten? You're clearing shit now? If I don't change my career, you'll cheat me again. Boss, we thought you were dead. We're surprised to see you here. There's one more thing that you'll never guess. I've opened a bank here using the money we made together. We've been doing good business. We've made twice as much now. Let's split the money. Iron Fist, you really are a pea-brain. Because of Mok Kei Bank I am a respectable man in this village. Boss, respectability doesn't buy food. But I can use it as a springboard. What do you have in mind? I want to control FoShan. There's still a bill in my pocket. No wonder I couldn't balance the account. If I become the Village Head here, you guys will have nothing to worry about. Aren't you afraid of other contenders? There's only one person in this village who could compete with me. - Who's he? - Leung Jan. If we want to kill the current Village Head, it's easy. We just have to make it look like an accident. I've already got a plan. Who's that? Rushing around like a blind chicken? Master Yao, I've something important to tell the Village Head. What makes you think that the Village Head doesn't need to sleep? What's the matter? - Really? - Yes. I didn't know that Boss Mok was like that. I hope you have not told anyone about this. I haven't. Good! This is an important matter, you have to tell the Village Head personally. But you can't do it in his house. Let's meet at the Mountain Pavilion early in the morning. I'll come with the Village Head. Cashier Wah, it was your misfortune to have bumped into me. This must be the worst day of your life. What do you mean? It means that you have shit luck. Luck of a lump of shit. I don't know what are you talking about. - Where's the Village Head? - The Village Head. My job is done. Brother Wah, what happened? Where is he? - Search inside. - OK. What happened to him? I don't know, ask him when he's conscious. - You want Cashier Wah to come to us? - Yes. Cashier Wah is a loyal family man. If something happens to his mother, he'll definitely come to us. Remember, this time don't let him escape. You have a good rest. Fatty, go to my house and tell my mother not to worry about me. OK, I'll do it now. What happened? I'm not sure, but I heard that Cashier Wah's mother was killed by bandits last night. Where's Cashier Wah? I don't know. I've sent someone to the Mok Kei Bank for him but he didn't go to work. - Put more men on the case, find him. - OK. Fatty, how is my mum? She's very well. Did she tell you anything? She said... She said you shouldn't rush to see her. Fatty, besides my mum, did you see anyone else? Yes, I saw the Village Head. - In my house? - No, I saw him walking past. - Fatty, I have another favor to ask you. - What? Tell the Village Head that someone is trying to kill him. Ask him to be careful. - Is it true? - Yes. Fatty. Tell the Village Head personally, don't let anyone know about it. Fatty, any women bathing inside? Why can't I see it? - Inside? Nothing there. - Nothing? If there's nothing there, what are you peeping at? Nothing. - If there's nothing to see, get out of here. - All right. What are you looking at, bum? Hey! Village Head. - What is it? - I've something to tell you. I'm busy, what is it? - Someone wants to kill you. - What? Someone is trying to kill you, you must be careful. Watch what you say. Who wants to kill the village head? - I don't know. - Then what are you on about? Nonsense. Trust me for once, I'm not lying. Who told you that? Someone, but I can't tell you his name. You are talking nonsense. Me? Talking nonsense? I don't think so. Stupid Fatty, I told you to get lost. What are you doing here? - Nothing, nothing. - Get lost then. - OK, I'm going. - Scram. - Why the leg? - I'm sorry. Looking for trouble? I'll kill you... I'll kill you! - What are you doing? - Cramps. Much better now. Where has he gone? The next time I see you, you'll be dead. Fatty was telling the truth. Village Head! Serving The People Why isn't he here yet? We're very busy. My fellow villagers, we've tried our best to find the Village Head. This meeting can't happen without him. According to our constitution, if the Village Head fails to attend without reason, we have the right to choose another head. Before we have more news from the Village Head, I recommend that all his duties fall to the boss of Mok Kei Bank. How about that? - Good, good, good. - I agree. Cashier Wah, where are you going? To see my mum. You can't show yourself yet. I'll be careful. I'll return as soon as I see her. - You won't recognize her. - What do you mean? Your mum is dead. Fatty, say that again. I'm not lying. I saw the undertakers carrying her out. It can't be true! Don't go! If those seven guys see you, they won't let you go. They killed my mother. I want revenge. Listen to me. They did it to lure you out. You will fall for their trick if you go. I must avenge my mother's death. You're not their match, they are too strong for you. If you want revenge, go beg my Sifu. Beg Master Jan. Cashier Wah is at Master Jan's. Yes, I just found out. I never expected Leung Jan to get involved. It doesn't look like it. If Leung Jan wanted to get involved, he would do something. Anyway, Leung Jan is a nuisance to us. Let's show him who's in charge. Master Jan. Master Jan, I've not eaten for two days. Thank you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Good morning, Master Jan. What a coincidence. Please, join me. - I'll do it myself. - Fine. Please have some tea. Master Jan, we are here specially for you. What can I do for you? A simple task, give us our man. Your man? Cashier Wah is of no use to you. You two have misunderstood. I haven't sheltered Cashier Wah. He's just another of my patients. I've no intention of getting involved between you and him. Until he's fully recovered, he'll remain in my establishment. That's my responsibility. Trade him with your own life then. Stop it! Who are you? How dare you start trouble here? These guys obey you. You can't be good. Master Jan, how did you get mixed up with these people? I must have offended them when I was much younger. - Ah Mao! - Yes. I'll pay for the damage. You don't have to. Thank you, Master Jan. - Boss Mok, I have to go now. - Please. Herbs Encyclopedia Cashier Wah, I don't know what dispute you have with those people. And I don't wish to know. Since you've fully recovered, you can go now. Master Jan, why won't you adopt me? You want me to adopt you as my student only for revenge. To learn Kung Fu for revenge is against the principle. - Master Jan, those are bad people. - Enough. To settle any dispute, one party has to give in first. That's the only way to avoid bloodshed. Cashier Wah, you can go now, I won't take you as my student. - Sifu. - Sifu. Thank you. Sifu, is Cashier Wah still kneeling in the study? - Third Uncle... - How many times have I told you? No talking when you are eating. Sifu, I know. No talking when I'm eating. Come on, please take a seat first. Don't choke yourself. Fatty, your idea didn't work. If I kneel any longer, I'll be paralyzed. Sifu is a very conservative man. What should I do now? Should I kneel or should I go? What next? I'm thinking about it. Third Uncle, have some tea, please. Kam Fung, has Cashier Wah left? No, but he's found another Sifu. Another Sifu? - Sifu's here, get ready. - OK. Kneel down, kneel down. Little Sifu, have some tea, please. Fatty, what are you doing? Since you rejected him as a student, I've decided to teach him myself. Now he is to call me Sifu. - Student. - Here. - On your feet. - Yes. I'll teach you some basics. Little Sifu, why are you not using your hands? - This is the Handless style. - What stance is this? This is the Two Gangsters stance. Push your bum forward. What's the function of this. Wing Chun practitioners' way of healing piles. Is this Wing Chun style? Why do you care? Just do what I say. In Wing Chun, our hand has to look like Snake or Crane... Why is your Crane slanted? This is the Slanted Crane from Wing Chun. Hand block. Left block, right block, big block. Last block, done. Why are you keeping the blocks in your pocket? We have so many blocks, where else can you keep them? That makes sense. In Wing Chun, we go over the bridge, not under it. Show me your hand. - What if there's no bridge? - No bridge? Build one yourself, stupid. Build a bridge? How do I do that? What does this look like? - A bridge. - Yes, it's more like a bridge than a tunnel. Do you understand now? Let's have a sparring match. We'll see whose style is better. But I warn you that Wing Chun is unbeatable, you can't touch me. This is Cultivating Hand. This is Twisted Hand. The next is... Little Sifu, what's the next move? Back arch... It hurts! Watch out again. - Sifu... - You are a disgrace to Wing Chun. Here, come on. He will adopt you as his student. Quick, serve Sifu some tea. Sifu. Abbess Ng Mui developed Wing Chun after witnessing a snake and a crane fight. She later refined it to three routines. The first routine is Little Ideas. Why is it called Little Ideas? Sifu doubts that we will learn the whole system of Wing Chun, so he won't teach us Big Thoughts, he will only give us Little Ideas. Hence the term Little Ideas. Stay focused! Hey! We've learnt this before. - Let's practice somewhere else. - Good idea. Searching the Bridge. Darting Fingers. Our moves come from the heart, our strength from the ground. The Six in One Move is from your ankle, knee, waist, shoulder, elbow and wrist. Strength from the six points merge to form the Six in One Move. The weakest part is your fist. Other parts, like your palm, elbow and shoulder, could be attacked and defended. The fist has three points. Two points are here, watch. The palm has three angles. Palm should be flexible. Hand can be snake or crane. The form resembles a chicken, the force resembles a cat. The energy should be directed at the enemy. Expend your energy only when necessary. I'm teaching you the most fundamental technique of Wing Chun, Separate Hand. Attack me. This is Deadly Slap. Dispersing Attack. Winged Arm Darting Punch. Controlling Arm. Subdue Head, Rattle Tail. Divert the attack, Linking Fast Palms. Come again. Cultivating Hand. This is the Fiery Dragon. Follow me. Show me two fingers. When I let go, catch it. Pick it up. Let's try again. Do you know why you can't catch it? Your eyes see it and alert the brain before signaling your fingers to catch - all this takes too long. That's why in Wing Chun there's a technique called Sticky Hand. Sticky Hand trains the sensitivity of your hand. It also allows you to apply force appropriately. Do you understand? - Fatty. - Yes, Sifu. Practice with him. Just now you are using Impetus Power. Impetus Power combined with Directional Power will result in a momentous explosive force. This is the power of combined force. Sifu, what if the enemy uses his legs? You try. Use your arms to block high kicks. Use your legs to negate the low kicks. Do you understand? Vengeance Cashier Wah, I'll teach you the secrets of Wing Chun, I hope that you'll pass it on. Sifu, I won't disappoint you. Block it. You must use the fastest time and the shortest contact to get these two dummies back to their place. Sifu. You can't even control two dummies. If I were your third enemy, you would be dead. Start from the top. With your skill you can defeat more than two dummies. Your problem is that you can't concentrate. When you enter this dummy corridor you only have one thing in mind. Vengeance Fatty has improved so much. He's been scoring. Sifu, he's... Every martial art practitioner has weaknesses. Even someone who has mastered the Invincible Armor technique. The most common weak points are, the eyes and the groin. To attack the weak points is not an easy task. The human body has 108 basic pressure points. The Invincible Armor technique won't change this. The points are consistently around the same area. The Invincible Armor is not hurt by a normal punch. But would be hurt by an impetus punch. As long as you disturb his energy flow, you have a chance to attack his weak points. The weakest points with the biggest surface area are the feet and the side of the feet. Now, I'll teach you the Wing Chun Six and a Half points Pole. First point, Twins on a Flute. Second point, Falling Sky. Third point, Deadly Ground. Fourth Point, Monkey Stealing Peach. Left Block, Right Bloom. Beauty Rowing a Raft, only half a point. Put together it becomes Six and a Half points Pole. The most difficult parts of this technique are stabbing and dispersing. It's about the way you disperse your energy to the tip of the pole. The pole has elasticity. Our aim is to combine its elasticity with our applied force effectively. Now, I want you to crush this olive stone. You didn't combine all your energy effectively. You are only able to push the stone aside. Try again. Sifu. Practice makes perfect. No pain, no gain. You should know the philosophy. Don't worry. Pick up all the olive stones now. Try again. Don't stop. Sifu, I'm... Your target is never stationary. If you respond only to your opponent's move, it's already too late. You have to reach the stage when you hit whatever you see. Try again. I'm not worried about Cashier Wah. It's Leung Jan that I'm wary of. - Master Jan won't compete with you. - I know. But he's sheltering Cashier Wah. He might cause a problem in the future. Master Jan is not a simple man. - Mister Yao, everyone has a habit. - That's true. - Habits mean weaknesses. - True. He might be very skilful but he's still human. Master Jan. What's happening? We are having renovations done, please sit upstairs. Master Jan, please be seated. Master Jan. I'm very hungry. You... I've not offended you so why are you attacking me? Killing you will get rid of a pain in my backside. Third Uncle, Third Uncle! Stop it. You will die together now. - Junior, even Sifu lost to them. - What should we do? - Go with Cashier Wah. - And you? I'll take care of myself. He's escaped. Stupid Fatty, not happy with the way you died? It's Fatty. - What have you found out. - What happened? Mok has become the Village Head. - He's taken over the village office? - Yes. Where are his accomplices? Let me think. I know. We'll have to attack them separately. Kam Fung. Use the Eight Slashing Knife to counter Tiger's Long Spear. Fatty, use your Sticky Hand to counter Thunder's technique. I'll use my Six and a Half Point Pole against Iron Fist. Let's do it tonight. I have to go. - No don't go. - It's getting late. - I'll come tomorrow night. - Master. Please come again. Thunder. You! I'm Tiger, Thunder wouldn't visit such a place. Shit. I've got the names mixed up. I'm in big trouble. Bamboo. Bamboo forest. Kam Fung, help me. He's here. It's no use. Get ready to see your dead Sifu. Your hand got stuck to mine. Sifu... Why did you die so easily? Are you really dead? I'm talking to you. Are you dead? You're really dead. If I see you down below, I'll kill you again and again. Stupid Fatty mixed up the names. I wonder how Fatty is doing? What's happening? We have intruders. You two take care of them. I'll go and get Boss Mok. Kam Fung, why couldn't you last longer? I give up. Does Boss Mok know Kung Fu? You're asking me? How should I know? I think I can take on the Fatty. You. Yes. Come on. Stupid Fatty, went for my weaker leg. No, I'll do it myself. Praying mantis. Left, right, left, die. - What's wrong? - Cramps. Much better. Where is he? Why is your head so hard? There's a plate on top. Should have kept you guessing. I'll pretend I don't know. Take that. - Why can't you feel that? - That's my numb and useless leg. - Are you going to let me through? - Yes, of course. Smart move. Let me down! Do you like it? I have a child and a wife, let me go! Let me down! Stupid Fatty. Thank you. Thanks a lot. You peed yourself. I know. This is Praying Mantis Grip. This is Fat Bird Pecking. Fatty, are you all right? I'm all right. Let's beat him together. - How? - I'll take his blows, you hit him. - OK. - I'm willing to die. Hit his head. Don't worry about me. Kill him. I'm falling. Fatty, are you all right? - Can you stand? - I'm not dead yet. - Can you walk? - No, you had better... You want me to carry you? No, I'll crawl out of here. Let's go, then. There are many schools of Kung Fu. In South China... Besides the 5 main styles. There is also the Yung Chun School. A Shaolin nun started the Yung Chun. Named after her student, Yen Yung Chun. Yen passed it to her husband Liang Po-Chou. Liang taught Wang Hua-Pao. And Wang taught Liang Tsan. Liang Tsan has a school... On Kui Tzu Street. Called Hsing Chi Tang. He's a well-known bone specialist. He's generous and respected by the town folks. They all call him Mr. Tsan. Chen Hua is brave... honest and righteous guy. He fights for justice and helps the needy. Kung-fu was very popular at Fu Shan. Associations sponsor Kung-fu teachers. The rich encourage their sons to learn Kung-fu. Chen Hua is a Kung-fu fanatic. He studied Yung Chun under Liang Tsan. And becomes the 5th master of Yung Chun. He works as cashier at Mo's bank. So everybody calls him Cashier Hua. Folks, Fei Chun's selling dumplings again. Fresh, fragrant dumplings with meat. Buy them quickly! Good-valued meat dumplings. They taste fantastic! Buy them quickly! Sir, help me out, try one. Sir, too small? Here's a bigger one. You'll always remember my meat dumplings. With their unique fragrance. Very tasty. Fatty, is there an inn nearby? Are you deaf? Where's the inn? Go straight... Then turn right, another right! You'll see a big building... That's it! Hello, Fei Chun! Good morning, buy a dumpling! One moment please! I've something to tell you. What's the matter? Death in the family? It's death in your family! I'm the lone survivor of my family. Someone's saying bad things behind your back. - Who's it? - Big-mouth Ho! I don't know him, what did he say? He said Yung Chun's powerful. But you make it look bad. Everyone in Fu Shan. Knows I learn it from Mr. Tsan. How old's Big-mouth Ho? Eighty four. One can't blame him then. What's so good about Yung Chun? There's the famous Goat Stance. One founder was practicing the Goat Stance. Under an old pine tree. Suddenly there was a thunder storm. Thunder roars... The pine tree was struck down. But our founder... Held his stance. That's terrific! What happened to him then? He was killed by lightning. So I've heard! But Big-mouth Ho said... Your stance's no good. No good? Ten men couldn't move me. Really? He's boasting. I'll bet anything. You can't withstand my powerful blow. It's a bet. Come and try me. It's unnecessary! If I can move you with my blow. You'll give me all your dumplings. What happens if I don't move? Then I'll buy all your dumplings. Fine. It's a deal. If you move after you're ready, you lose. Fine! No. Please don't act that way. Why're you taking my dumplings? You've lost them to me. You moved, so you've lost. - I... - I should say thank you. Meat dumplings... Meat dumplings, they're all gone. Sirs, please come in! - Be ready for the table. - Ok. Sir... Please take a seat! Take a seat. This table's too small for seven persons. Follow me, we'll sit over there. Sir... Sorry, Sir... This table's reserved. Reserved? By whom? It's reserved for Mr. Tsan! Mr. Tsan? Who's he? Sir! Mr. Tsan! - Uncle, look at them! - It's none of your business. - Are you alright? - Nothing... You're Mr. Tsan? Yes, what can I do for you? What's this girl to you? She's my niece. She's sitting at my table. I'm sorry! Chin Feng, let them have the table. You dare to make fun of me. - Wait! - Stop! You've just arrived, don't make trouble. Mister, where's Mo's bank? I can read you like a book. You've been swindled, right? Cashier Hua... Is there a cure for stupidity? I'm afraid not. I think I'll sell water melons instead. You'll lose whatever you sell. You'll either eat it yourself or be swindled. Tell me what I should sell. There's one trade that can't be cheated. And you won't eat it yourself. Fei Chun, why aren't you selling dumplings? Well, I've changed my trade. Yes? What're you selling now? Is it edible? You've switched to carrying manure? So you guys can't cheat me anymore. Boss, we thought you were dead. There's another surprise for you. I've used our money to open this bank. I've already doubled our investments. Let's share the profits then. Ya Chao, you're being stupid. In Fu Shan, Mo's bank is a repeatable establishment. Boss, what's the use of being respectable? I'm going to use it as a springboard. What's on your mind? I want to control Fu Shan. I've got a cheque in my pocket. No wonder I can't balance the accounts. If I became town chief... Everything's ours. Don't you have any competitors? I may have one. - Who is it? - Liang Tsan! Killing the town chief is easy. But we've to make it look like an accident. I've planned it all out. Are you blind? Running all over the place. Mentor Chiu... I've to see the headman. Fool, you think he doesn't need sleep? What do you want with him? Are you telling the truth? Yes, I'd never suspect Mo of such a thing. Have you told anyone about this? No! That's fine! You must report this to the headman in person. Going to his house now would be inconvenient. I'll bring him to you early tomorrow morning! Cashier Hua, running into me is your tough luck. What do you mean? I said it's your tough luck. What're you saying? Where's the headman? The headman? He's all yours. Cashier Hua, what happened to you? They... - Search inside! - Right! How come he's so badly wounded? I don't know. Ask him when he comes to. What? Have Cashier Hun come to us? Right. Cashier Hua cares very much for his mother. He would come to us for his mother. Remember, no more messy jobs. Take a rest! Fei Chun, tell my mother, not to worry about me. - Not to worry about me. - Yes, I'll go right away. What has happened? I don't really know. I heard... Chen Hua's mother was murdered. Where's a Cashier Hua? I've sent someone to look for him. But he isn't at Mo's Bank. - Send more people to look for him. - Yes... Fei Chun, how's my mother? She's just fine. What did she say to you? She said you shouldn't worry about her. Whom did you see besides my mother? The town headman. In my house? No, I met him on the street. Fei Chun. Do one thing for me. What's it? Warn the headman... - That someone's out to kill him. - Really? You must tell the headman in person. Don't let other people know. Fatty, is there a naked woman inside? There's nothing inside. Nothing? What're you doing here then? Nothing... In that case, scram. I'll go! What're you looking at? - Headman! - What's the matter? I've something to tell you. I'm very busy. What is it? - Someone wants to kill you. - What's this? Someone wants to kill you. Watch out. Who is this 'someone'? I don't know. Don't know? What nonsense! Just trust me this once! Who gave you this information? I can't reveal the person's name. - I just can't tell. - He must be crazy. Me crazy? No, I'm not! Fatty, I've told you to scram. Why are you still here? It's...it's nothing... Then scram! This time it's really quits. Sorry! Sorry's not enough! I'll fix you! - What's the matter with you? - I've developed a cramp. It feels so good. Where's he? Fatty, I'll get my revenge. Fatty was speaking the truth. Headman. We've done our best to look for the headman. We can't do without him. According to the rules. In his absence. We should elect a substitute. I nominate Boss Mo. To assist me... In taking over his duties. Any objections? We agree... Cashier Hua. - Where're you going? - To see my mother? Don't show your face around. I'll be careful, I've to see her. You won't be able to see her. Fei Chun, what do you mean by that? Your mother's dead. Fei Chun, what did you say? I saw her corpse being... carried out of the house. Dead? That's impossible. Don't show yourself. They'll come after you. They killed my mother. I must avenge her. You listen to me. They did this so you'll show yourself? If you do, you'll play into their hands. But I must avenge my mother. Let me go! You need to plan your revenge. You're seven very powerful enemies. You're to ask my master to help you. Mr. Tsan? What? Cashier Hua's at Tsan's place? I just found that out. So Liang Tsan's mixed up in this. If Liang Tsan knows the truth. He would've acted. Anyway, he poses a threat to us. Let's give him a warning. Mr. Tsan. Mr. Tsan... I haven't eaten for two days. Thank you! Sorry... Sorry. Good morning, Mr. Tsan! What a nice surprise! Please take a seat! - I'll do it. - No need to be so formal! Mr. Tsan, we've come especially to see you. What can I do for you? A small favor. Just hand him over to us. Hand him over? Yes. We know you're sheltering Cashier Hua. I'm not sheltering Cashier Hua. He's just my patient. I don't care what you've against him. But I won't let him go until he's well. Call it medical ethics. Give us Cashier Hua... Or give us your life. Hold it! The two of you dare... to stir up trouble. They obey you... You can't be a good man. Mr. Tsan, why'd you fighting with them? It's hard to explain. - Mr. Tsan! - Ah Meo. I'll pay for all the damages. It's very kind of you. Thank you. Mr. Tsan. Boss Mo, I must leave now. - Please! - Don't be so formal! "Compenium of Materia Medica" Cashier Hua! I don't know what they want with you. And I've no wish to find out. Now that you're well, please leave! Mr. Tsan, why won't you accept me as your pupil? What you're after is revenge. That's not the goal of Kung-fu. Mr. Tsan, they're evil people. In a feud one side must stop first. Otherwise, hostilities will continue. Leave... I won't take you as my pupil. Master's coming! Master... Thank you! Cashier Hua's still kneeling in the library. - Uncle... - One shouldn't... converse during meals. Master! Yes. I know... Not talking! Sit down! Eat slowly! Fei Chun, it's not working. My kneeling's killing my legs. Master's too stubborn. Should I continue to kneel here? What should I do? I'm thinking. Uncle, have some tea! Chin Feng, is Cashier Hua gone? No, but he has found a teacher. He has found a teacher? Get ready, master's coming! Kneel down... Master, have some tea! Fei Chun, what're you up to? Since you won't have him. I will! I'm now his teacher! - Pupil! - Here! - Rise! - Yes! I'll teach you the basics. Little master, no hands? This is the topless style. What's the name of this stance? It's the crazy horse stance. Stick out your backside. Why should I stick it out? So you won't have hemorrhoids. Master, is this really Yung Chun? Just do as I tell you to. The hand should be like a snake or crane. That's a crane? This is Yung Chun's pond crane. - The digging hand! - The digging hand! - Dig to the left! - Dig to the left! - Dig to the right! - Dig to the right! - Dig to your heart's content! - Dig to your heart's content! Rest your hands! Put it in your pockets? You've done so much digging. Where else would you put it? You're right! In Yung Chun... One goes over the bridge. - What if there's no bridge? - No bridge? In that case, build your own! How do you build your own bridge? - What is this? - A bridge? Of course it's a bridge, not a tunnel. Understand? I'll try you out. We'll use... Our own styles. Yung Chun's very powerful... Watch me! This is the spoon. Then the knot! This is the stretch. Stretch. - Master, what does stretch mean? - Stretch your back! Look out, here I come! - Master, you... - You're a disgrace... To the Yung Chun style! Follow me! Accept him as your pupil! - Quick, pour him some tea. - Master! Yung Chun evolves... from a snake vs. crane fight. There're three sets of procedures. The first is 'small thoughts'. Why's it called 'small thoughts'? Because one may fail to learn Yung Chun. So 'small thoughts' instead of big hopes. Thus such a name. Learn hard! Three-horned-beetle, we've learned that. - Let's go for a tryout - Fine! Look for the bridge! The dart finger! Fist is from the heart. Strength from the ground. Strength is... United in six places. The 6 joints form the 6-sided force. The fist is the weakest point. Palm, elbow, shoulder, can attack... As well as defend. There're three corners to the fist. The palm has three points. The palm runs! The hand is like a snake or crane. Poise like a cock, strike like a cat. Hit you enemy with force. Be careful when you press. Block me! I'm teaching you the basic of Yung Chun. Attack me! This is called Clap-to-Kill. This is called Spread Hit. This is called Running Hammer. Folding Hand. Press head hit tail, press tail hit head. Press shoulder up, bottom palm across. Once again! Block Hand! This is called Flying Dragon. Follow me! Stick out two fingers! Try to catch it when I let go. Pick it up! Once again! Do you know why you can't catch it? There's a delay from eye to brain. It's too late when you react. In Yung Chun, there's the Sticky Hand. The Sticky Hand is the touch of speed. It develops your speedy force. Do you understand? Fei Chun! Yes, master! Practise with him! You've just used startled force. It must be combined with speed. So you're power... Even at close range. Power in an inch's interval. Master, what if the enemy kicks? Try and see! Above, block with your hands. Below block with you legs. I got it. Cashier Hua, I'll teach you Kung-fu! I hop you can make Yung Chun popular after you have learnt. Master, I'll do my best. Stop him! Follow my example. Send back the robots. Using the least time and the fastest speed. Master! You can hardly handle two robots. If I were 3rd enemy, you'd be dead. Start again from the beginning. You can now handle two robots with ease. Your weakness is you can't concentrate. Remember, once you enter this corridor. There can only be one word in your mind. "Revenge" Fatty's that good? Got me each time. Master, he... There're weaknesses to every style. Even the invincible armor has weak spots. Usually, they're the eyes and the groin. But it's hard to attack under guard. There're 108 human pressure points. The invincible armor's no exception. It can't escape... The form of the plum. The invincible armor... Fears your speed. If you can disrupt its air passage. Then you can attack its weak spots. The weakest and biggest spot is... The five centre... and the energy centre. I'll teach you the 6 1/2 points club. First point, the flute blower. 2nd point, the falling sky. 3rd point, the sinking earth. 4th point, monkey steals the pear. Block right, stab left! Lady roller is 1/2 point. Totaling 6 1/2 points! The most difficult is the dart and speed. We've to concentrate... Speed at the tip. The club is naturally elastic. Combine elastic... And hanging force at the tip. Try and break this fruit kernel. Since you can't combine the three forces. You're unable to break the kernel. Try again! Master! Kung-fu need hard practice and dedication. You have to immerse your whole being. Do you understand what I mean? Be patient. Pick up the kernels. And start again! Continue! Master! You foe's a living thing. Reacting to his move is too late. You've to reach as fast as sight. Again! Cashier Hua's not strong enough to threaten me. I'm worried about Liang Tsan. - Mr. Tsan won't compete with you. - I know! But he has protected Cashier Hua! It's not good for the future. Liang Tsan's not easy to deal with. - Mentor Chiu. - Yes... Everyone has his own habits. Habits mean weaknesses! His Kung-fu's strong but he's still human. Mr. Tsan! What's going on inside? They're doing repairs. Please go upstairs! Mr. Tsan, please sit down! Mr. Tsan. I'm hungry! You... Why're you doing this to me? Things will go our way with you out of the way. Uncle... You'll all pay for this. If master can't defeat them. How can we. - What now? - Leave now with Cashier Hua! - What about you? - Don't mind me. I've ways. They've escaped! Fatty, you died with eyes open. Congratulations... Fei Chun! You're back, what should we do? Boss Mos' now the town chief. - He's now working at town hall? - Yes! Where're the other three rascals? I know where they are. We'll separate and act according to plan. Chin Feng... Use your sword against Tiger. Fei Chun... Fight thunder with the Sticky hand. I'll handle Flag Chao with 6 1/2 club. We'll strike tonight! - I've to go. - I won't let you leave. It's late, I'll come again tomorrow. Mr. Tiger! See you tomorrow! See you. Thunder Tai! It's you. I'm Tiger. Thunder doesn't go for this sort of thing. I've mixed up their names. What should I do? Bamboo! The sensation of touch! Sister, he's here. You'll soon join your master in hell. I've got your hands, you're done for. Master... So you're really dead this time. Are you really dead? I'm speaking to you, you hear? He's dead. Don't run into me in the underworld. Or I'll beat you up again. Fei Chun has mixed up their names. Wonder what has happened to Fei Chun? What's the matter? Take care of those two. - I'll get Boss Mo. - Right! Sister. You died too soon! I can't handle this one. Boss Mo know Kung-fu? How do I know? The fat kid's just right for me. - Hey, you! - Me? Come over here. Fatty... Making fun of me? I'll do it myself. The Preying Mantis! - What now? - I've developed a cramp again. It feels so good. Where're you going? Why's your head so hard? There's things inside. I won't tell you... You'll never know. That's alright with me. Don't you feel any pain? I've rheumatism, it has no feeling. Are you letting me pass or not? Sure, do whatever you like. You're being smart! Release me! Dumb fatty! Thank you! You're wet your trousers. I know! The preying mantis's after the cicada. The fat bird's right behind. Fei Chun, are you alright? I'm alright, let's fight him together. How? I'll defend, you attack. The preying mantis is hard to handle. Go for his head! Don't mind me. Don't mind me, kill him. Fei Chun! - Fei Chun, you're still alive? - Not dead yet! Can you walk? No! - lt'll be better if... - What? You want me to carry you? No, I can crawl by myself. In that case, crawl. - [Instruments Clattering] - [O.R. Chatter] [Nurse] Doctor, do you want me to hold that for you? [Chatter Continues] Corpsman! Another case closed, Watson. Care to join me in my digs on Baker Street? - For what? - A little seductive reasoning. - Sorry, Sherlock. Can't win 'em all. - Drat! Another evening alone with my pipe and dirty robe. Got that belly wound finished yet, Moriarty? - All sewn up. Corpsman. - [Chatter Continues] Ah, here's our next couple. - Welcome to "Who Bet Your Life." - Will you cut it out? - There's nothing to joke about here. - Oh, let him go, Major. Sometimes a little humor helps break the tension in a war zone. Lap sponge. During World War I, we used to dress a mule up in a petticoat... and charge the fellas a dime a dance. Fifteen cents if they wanted to lead. No! [Grunts] Put that mask back on him. He's not under enough. - I'm trying, Major, but he keeps pushing it away. - Push back harder! [B.J.] Don't start a fight, or we'll be sent to the principal's office. - I can't stop it. - I'll do it. I'll do it. If your doctor has to do your job for you, he'll have to reglove. - If you can't follow an order, call for help. - I'm sorry, Major. Hey, Margaret, take it easy. She just doesn't like a guy who grabs. Nobody asked you! Butt out! Bell, you're on report. - For this? You're kidding. - No. Add talking back to a superior officer. - Margaret, wait a minute. - Carry on! Major, why don't you reconsider? She didn't do anything but ruffle your fetlocks. Am I within my authority as head nurse if I put her on report? - Yes, but... - Thank you. As an officer and a gentleman, you should forgive and forget. If she's forgiving, I'm forgetting. Major, I, for one, applaud your sense of discipline in the midst of chaos. - Go stuff it, balloon brain! - Now, I applaud that. [Grunts, Sighs] Oh, Margaret, let me give you a hand. This may take a minute. I'm used to doing this in the dark. - Go away. - Don't panic. I'll have you out of there in no time. I just wish you people would leave me alone! Oh, yeah? Like the way you left Nurse Bell alone? I was doing my job! You never fall on a nurse that hard for such a nitpicky mistake. - You're too good for that. What's eating you? - Nothing! Come on. If you can't tell your number one nemesis, who can you tell? I can't. - Can't even imagine that it's true. - What's true? - Would you lower your voice? - Is this low enough? I'm sorry. I'm using my larynx as a subway station. What is it? Well, I was with Donald... - about six weeks ago in Tokyo, and... - Yeah? - Well, I think... - What? I'm pretty sure that I'm... pregnant. - Pregnant? - Shhh! - You mean with child? - Sh-Shhh. Expecting? Our little major is gonna have a minor? That's wonderful! Sorry. - There's nothing wonderful about it. - Are you kidding? All we see around here is death and destruction. Now, in the middle of an inferno that even Dante wouldn't buy tickets to... there's a little glimmer of life thanks to you. That's not wonderful. That's a miracle. You know Donald and I are having problems. This isn't gonna solve them. It's only gonna add to them. And you know what it means, don't you? Automatic discharge. My whole army career, kaput! - It's all Donald's fault. - Well, I wouldn't put it all on Donald. I mean, you were probably there at the time. - What made you so sure? - I have all the symptoms... - morning sickness, nausea. - We all have that... - from the Mess Tent takeout window. - There's more. - I've been irritable lately. - Well, if you count irritability... you've been pregnant since I've known you. Captain, that time of the month hasn't been that time of the month yet. - And that was last month. - Maybe your watch stopped. Look. Look. Have you verified this medically? - Well, no lab tests... - Well, then what are you guessing for? Why don't we go see Colonel Potter and set up a test? Come on. Come on. - You know, I hate you men. - Now she tells us. How's that shoulder feel, Martinson? I think I did a bang-up job on your bang-up... even if I do say so myself. - You're gonna send me back up there, aren't ya, Doc? - You're ambulatory now. You'll be out of here by noon Thursday. You're lucky. That's when our rates change. [Forced Laugh] I don't remember. Did I remove your sense of humor? Knock it off, Doc. This morning I was leading... 35 men down a hill and retreated smack into a minefield. That shrapnel you removed from my shoulder is what's left of my sergeant's helmet. He was right next to me when the mine went up. I am not going back. I won't go back. - I know how you must feel. - You think it's because I'm scared, don't you? - If you are, you're not alone, soldier. - I am not a soldier. I never was a soldier. I thought R.O.T.C. Would keep me out of active duty. Should've read the fine print. - I thought they'd put me into something I was prepared for. - Like? Art history... I was an art history major. I think the marines are the only ones with an art history division. I'm not kidding! They are not sending me back into action. I don't have what it takes to lead men into combat. That sergeant would still be alive if it hadn't been for me. - Look, Martinson, you can't blame yourself for that. - Get out of here, will you? Just leave me alone. - Bedside manner failing you, Hunnicutt? - Lay off, Winchester. What's this, "Attila the Pun" has lost his sense of good humor? Drop it, Charles. - Touchy. - [Door Slams] [Mess Hall Chatter] I'd like to talk to you about my family. It's... 'Scuse me for saying so. Your mail is leaking, Colonel. - Honey. - Your mail is leaking, honey. Don't crack wise, Klinger. The missus knows how hard this stuff is to get over here. She tried sending me a jar, but those mail jockeys cancel packages with their boots. You're telling me. Try to mail order an atomizer of perfume and see what happens. - You mentioned something about your family. - Oh! Oh, yes, sir. It's been on my mind for years now, and I must get it off my chest. - What is it this time? - [Sighs] I've been hiding it till now. But these... are my children. I didn't want to burden anyone with my troubles. - All nine of 'em. - I've always liked big families. - How did this happen? - Well, you're a doctor, sir. You ought to know. - I mean, who's the mother? - Mothers. - I see. - I've finally given in to my tortured conscience... and decided to take full financial responsibility. - That'll cost you a fortune. - Exactly. It'll mean I'll require a hardship discharge, of course. - But it's for the kids. - Of course. Little Santos here needs new shoes, and Ellen will have to have braces soon. And, then, there's the twins... Achmed and Irene. This one is swarthy. The other is blond. Fraternal twins. Klinger, none of these kids look like you. They don't even look like each other. Well, of course not. Their mothers raised them to be individuals. - Who's the tall one? - Oh, that's Santos. But you said this was Santos. Uh. Well, uh, he is too. - I ran out of names. - This kid has got to be at least 19. That would mean you were a father at 11. Well, what's so unusual about that? I had a moustache when I was three. Klinger, this is the worst one yet. In the first place, I know half these kids. This is Erin Hunnicutt; Sergeant Zale's daughter, Zelda... and this is my grandson, Corey! I knew it! I knew it! I shouldn't have gone to Radar for these! [Envelope Sputters] Margaret, will you sit down? I got holes in my shoes just looking at you. - What's keeping that old coot? - The old coot's here. - Oh, Colonel... - I know. It was said with affection. - Colonel, Margaret may have a little problem. - Is it you... - Winchester or the nurses? - I'm pregnant. Pregnant? Well, zip-a-dee-doo-dah! I used "wonderful" and "miracle." - Did you tell Donald yet? - No. - Should you? - Yes! Then tell him. I remember when our son was born. Made me prouder than a stallion out to stud. Colonel, I don't think you're getting it. Uh, Margaret and Donald... aren't, uh, uh... [Stammers] - They're-They're not, uh... - What he's trying not to say, Colonel, is that... - Donald and I are... not... - I think I've got it now. Not to mention the fact the army would make Margaret trade in her boots for booties. Isn't there some way around that? Can't we bend the rule just a little bit? Only if you stay just a little bit pregnant. - We'll be sorry to lose you, Margaret. - Well, wait a minute. We're not even sure she's pregnant. How about a lab test? - Sure. I'll let her go to Tokyo. - No. Can't we do it here? - I don't want anyone else to know. - We'd need a rabbit for that. - Then, get one! - How about, uh... - Radar? - No. He'd never go for it. That rabbit's his pet. He lives with it. He reads to it. - He'd even marry it if it was the same religion. - If it's a choice between... - his rabbit and our head nurse... - Then I outrank him! - Who, the rabbit? - You sirs call me, sir? - Have a seat, son. - A seat, sir? Yeah, here. There you go. - Uh, care for a drink? - Uh, no, thank you, sir. - Makes my ears wider. - Still a growing boy. - Well, I sure could use one. - A drink? Yeah, you bet. - Son, we need a favor from you. - Oh, anything, sir. - I think. - Radar, you have a female rabbit, don't you? - You mean Fluffy? - Yeah, we'd like to, uh... borrow her for a while. - For a pregnancy test. - Oh, no, sir. That couldn't be. See, I keep her and Bongo in separate cages. If I didn't... Well, you know what they say about rabbits. - It's just talk. - [Chuckles] - Can-Can we get on with this? - Yeah. Yeah. The pregnancy test is for... Captain! Well, on behalf of Fluffy, he has a right to know. The test is for Major Houlihan. - You're gonna be a mother, sir? - Well, we don't know yet. - That's why we need the rabbit. - Oh. What does Fluffy have to do in this test? She doesn't have to do anything. It's very simple. We inject her with some fluid from Major Houlihan. Then, about 48 hours later, we check the rabbit's ovaries... and if there's any change, then the test is positive... and Margaret is a mother-to-be and a major-that-was. - Well, that doesn't sound so bad. - Radar, to check the ovaries... we have to put them under a magnifying glass. - Uh-huh. So? I want to know what you are carrying in your cart? Nothing. By Jupiter, are you laughing at me? What is going on here, Klaikus Diolus? This sap is laughing at me. I'll get to check the point. Let him enter, I know him! He's not dangerous. Oh, my hell! Noodle heads almost got me caught. Here we are in camp, are you going to play your joke now? - No, it's getting dark. I wait till morning, it'll be funnier. - Oh, sure. Goodnight... I better start looking for the Druid. I'll start there. Lie down and dine. Oh, Marcus Sallibus, my loyal right-hand. We two must talk! Thank you. Oh, gracious Bonus! We must get the secret recipe the Druid has for the potion, understand? And when we do we shall be invincible, then we shall march on Rome. And there we shall take the place of Caesar. Julius Caesar? Right friend, Julius, and the two of us will form a powerful triumvirate. Uh! I have need of him now, but later I in Rome will be the triumvirate. I'll have him eaten by a lion in Rome, I shall become Caesar, just me, all alone. This is all very interesting but it doesn't help me find Panoramix the Druid. No! He's certainly being guarded in that tent. I beg your pardon. I've come to free Panoramix, my friend. Don't let him get out, he's an unconquerable Gaul. - l'll go get us some help. - Sure, go on. - Asterix! - How are you? - Have you gone mad? - Oops! Asterix, why did you come here? You've walked into the lions ten. Chief! Chief! These asses can't do a thing against my magical powers. I know that. Ha - ha - ha. But let's have some fun, with them. I 've got a few ideas. Chief! Chief! Chief! Chief! - Oh, Bonus Belonus. - What now? We've captured a Gal, a Ga, a Gaul in the tent-- the tent of the Druid. But we need reinforcements, or the prisoner is sure to get away. By the great Jupiter, sound up the alarm! Surrender, you Gauls! If not, I'll order my brave legionaries to attack you. I hope he surrenders. The suspense is killing me. I toss my weapon at your feet... as Vercingetorige, my chief, tossed his at Caesar's feet. Come on, I'm surrendering, at no time to waste! Seize that Gaul, of whom, or I'll have you all fed to the lions. - Lions? - Fed to the lions he said! And he means it too. - Hey, what's happening? - The camps been invaded by a Gaul. He doesn't play fair! He might have waited until I woke up to begin his joke. He didn't play fair. It's not nice either. It's not nice! So you refuse to speak, do you Druid? But tomorrow on the torture rack... your friend may be a bit more gracious! Need no idea how loquacious I'll be, I'll break the record for loquacity. Shh! They're coming! Bonus Belonus wants to see you. You, do you know the secret of the magic potion? - Me? No! - For the last time Druid, give me the recipe, or I'll have your friend tortured. You can't scare me, Roman. I have confidence in the courage of my friend Asterix. Well, we shall see! I want this Gaul tied to that table, and go get the torturer. Here I am, you know my motto, always ready. Superb for ready! Pity, please. Oh, no! don't hurt me. Oh, I can't take anymore! Oh, please! Punish the great god Titan told, enough! I can't see him suffer like this, I'll tell you all. Torturer, desist! But Chief, I didn't even get started. Oh, pity, please! Pity, please! All right, Druid, let me in on the secret, if not I'll have him finish the job. I'll prepare the whole potion in front of you, but I need quite a number of ingredients that I can only find in the forest. What scary kind these Gauls are! You'll have everything that you need. Go along with this druid! I will hold the other Gaul as our hostage. I'll need mistletoe, herbs and a few roots, and meadow flowers. - The Druid is back. - Now he wants a big pot. Then give him one! Just a pinch of salt, a tiny touch of pepper and let it bubble. Bubble? Bubble? Oh, make it bubble fast! Something is lacking. - An ingredient that's important, - What? What? What? - Strawberries. - Strawberries, at this season? Of course it would be done easily. Well, we could wait until the right season. No, Quick! Send out our fastest messengers. I want strawberries! Strawberries, strawberries! - Asterix, you get good ideas. - I was the one who thought of ... sending them strawberry picking, while we lounge at Caesar's expense. The messengers have been gone for days, not a single one has returned. The messengers have come back. Oh, Bonus Belonus! That's fine. - Hail Bonus Belonus. - Hail my great legionaries, did you find strawberries? - No! - No sir! - No strawberries, Bonus. And we lost Julius Octopus. Here I am, oh, Bonus Belonus! Look, look! I found the strawberry. I ran into a route merchant... just back from Greece, I had to pay a weight in gold! That's good, you shall have a reward, I grant you a full way to Rome, and you've had my permission to go to the circus. I'm going to the circus! I'm going to the circus! Druid, here are the strawberries you needed for your magic potion. - What do you think of them Asterix ? - l'm not sure they are of fine quality. Allure! I've changed my opinion they are excellent. Yes, just what I needed for my potion, send for another basket. Oh! I've had about enough! You're driving me mad. You're not being fair. All right, all right! Now take it easy, don't cry I'll prepare your potion. - Stop crying, he'll prepare it. - Sure! You'll see. I'll make it without strawberries. Of course it won't be as sweet. Anyhow, strawberries can give you a rash. - Now it's ready, it's best to serve it hot. - Me first! Where is the proof that your potion is not a poison, by Jupiter? I'll be happy to taste it first if you are afraid. No, if this potion is the real one it will increase your power... and you will become invincible. I want a volunteer! I said I am calling for a volunteer. Oh, Bonus Belonus, don't risk the life of a legionnaire, try the potion on some ordinary person for the experiment. Good idea! - You come over here, friend. - Who? Me? How do you do, my good friend? Are you well? No, I am not well. I was told I would sell my cart, but no one wants to buy my cart. I need my dreamer's bucks! You know, it's all his fault! I don't quite get what you mean, but for consolation you may have some of this. No, thanks, I don't drink. Drink it! What are you looking at me like that for? Didn't you ever see a cart dealer taking a drink, huh? After drinking this potion, you are the worlds strongest man. Me? You're so funny! He's a big joker. That's what we'll find out. You punch someone! But, but... I'm not mad at anybody. A volunteer for a good wallop! I would like a bit more enthusiasm when I call for a volunteer. - Me, I'll volunteer. - You, that's an idea, by Jupiter! Go on! Go ahead, hit him! - Go on, hit him! - Well, hit him, you fool! By Jupiter, its absolutely marvellous. - Did it hurt much? - l thought the sky dropped on my head. Well, you don't need me anymore; so, I guess I'll go. ♪ A dealer in ox this time ♪ It's so glad, I want you try ♪ Even though my oxen down ♪ I can get along quite well. ♪ Without them I know I get through ♪ Get my great, don't you? Don't you? ♪ No more feel, wil fill my heart ♪ I myself could build the cart ♪ My cart grows without a head ♪ At this great, I will be great ♪ I have saved my cotton grain ♪ 'Cause I'm strong to use my brain ♪ Little, little keen art! ♪ This's okay, I want to slash ♪ With the pack my oxen bring ♪ I can laugh and I can sing ♪ That potion is simply, in it, the magic. Forward! Come and get your magic potion! The road to Rome lies before us! So, Marcus Sallibus, Caesar's days are numbered. You, Druid, you write down the recipe of the magic potion. They shall be cooked once it is in ourpossession! That will teach them a lesson. By the Druid, say I guess. Let us tryout our great new strength. I'll try to overdo it. I'll try that boulder. A smaller one. Yes, this one, too! I'm strong! I am a superman! - What greater rounder! - Yes! - Bonus Belonus. - Huh? There is no powers in lifting that little stone. Oh, you're right! So you tricked me you Gauls, this potion is not magic! Yes, it is! Oh, Bonus Belonus, lets settle the hash of these Gauls. How dare you appear before me without shaving? A good legionnaire should be clean shaved! You are right, but a legionnaire leader should set an example. - But, what then? what is gong on? - Look at them! What's happening here, Druid? It's an old formula for a hair growing lotion, an extremely powerful one. The hair on you heads and on your face will grow and grow in the fastest pace. I will have you killed. Give me the anti-dote for this! If you kill us, who will make the antidote for you? Anyhow, we are a little bit tired today. Not yet, we are going to retire to our tent. Hey, you two! Hey! Hey, wait! What's wrong, oh, Bonus Belonus? I caught my foot in my beard, imbecile! I am at the mercy of these Gauls. It looks like they won. I'll have to bargain with them. - Three thousand and seventy five. - What? It's a new game we invented. One who sees a beard gets 15 points, 10 thousands wins. You've got your goal, you Gauls. Well, what do you want? Promise not to put hairs about it? Don't you mention hairs again, you hear? - That's for the beards. - No! No! Wait, please! All right, but don't get in my hair again. All this is up in the hair. We'll listen, though! Oh, no, no! All right, I give up. Just give me the antidote and I'll let you go free. Well do you see, I don't feel very much like working now. He gets a hand for being hair brained. You wouldn't think he's just had a close shave? All right, all right! Don't get so upset, I'll do it. I'll have to go out again and get all the ingredients in the forest. Yes, but with an escort. Why did you accept so fast, he's up to no good? The effect of the potion I made is not going to last very long. Tomorrow there won't be any beards, so we'd better try to get out of here. As soon as I'm rid of this long hair and this beard, I'll murder those Gauls. It will give me a righteous satisfaction. We have come to escort you to the forest so you can gather the ingredients for the anti-dote. I have a plan. That what makes us Gauls great! We've got a brilliant idea. You will keep off my beard. Keep your beard off from under my feet. Come on, hurry! Our beards keep growing. I think that now I have got pretty much what's necessary. - lt's only us. - That's fine. Well, get to work! Oh, I've been working all morning. I hope I will be able to take a rest sometime, maybe. - Where are you going? - But can I see the Druid prepares the anti-dote? Better not, you'd hinder us. You're too nervous. You guards, watch this tent, see through if they don't escape! Ah! Let's go! You see, Asterix, my friend. Here in the small pot I have prepared our real magic potion. I think we will need your muscles if we are to get out of here. And here in the big pot I've prepared the anti dote, Water, salt, vegetables and a marrow bone. Since we have to taste it in front of the Romans, I thought you like something good. The magic potion is ready, might as well take a good portion. All right, now call our bearded hosts. Hey Romans, soups on! - You bring that pot out here. - All right, all right. You taste it first. - ls it good? - lt's fine, but I like it with a little more salt. It's your turn Bonus Belonus. How can we be sure that this potion keeps the hair from growing longer? You really are clever! Just watch my mustache, you will see it stops growing. By Jupiter, it is true, drink, men! They swim like swines! Yes! - Now my guards, seize those two Gauls! - At pleasure of mine. Not by the hair of your chinny-chin-chin. Now you must let me go! Make it, help me! Fine! We'll leave while they are picking up these pieces. - l was just starting to have some fun. - Halt you, get back in there! Romans! More Romans! Many more! More there! We're surrounded! Reinforcements, they got here just in time, what luck! It's not so good. Now I've got you Gauls, I'll have you eaten by the lions. Oh, Bonus Belonus, you are awaited in your tent. It's urgent. - Urgent? - Yes, urgent. Who's cloak is this littering my tent? Remnant of Caesar, that's what your Caesar. - Julius Caesar? - ln person. I here come to find out exactly what you're been doing about the Gauls. And I want to know what has been going on here to keep your garrison... from receiving me with all due honour. Missed well! Uh... I mean, you see, uh-- We've been fighting with... What I mean is we've been fighting some Gauls. Fighting some Gauls? How many Gauls? Two. By Cleopatra! Show me the two men... who are capable of standing up against a garrison of my legionaries. Uh a! Well, well, there are the terrible Gauls? Tell me just what happened here? Caesar, Bonus Belonus was trying to steal our magic potion... so he would be invincible. He intended to become emperor. - Well, well ! - Uh, I- - Well, let me explain... You needn't, bother! Just go and shave, will you? You and your men will be leaving immediately for Lower Mongolia. Are there're other barbarians there, by fight performance? Uh, uh, but I could explain everything. And as for you, in exchange for the services you have rendered, I shall allow you your liberty, but this one's the only down moment, through respect for you, Gauls. We will meet before long. I'll count on that, Caesar. By the gods, here they are! Hooray Panoramix! Hooray Tunabrix, our chief! Hooray Asterix! Let us rejoice for our brothers have reached a decisive new victory. Hooray for Tunabrix, our chief! Let the festivities start! [Narrator:] Under a star studded sky, the little fortified village of brave Gauls... celebrated one more victory, obtained through the protection of their gods, their own intelligence, magic and courage. They knew the future would bring them further victories over the Roman legions. VictorR – 09/05/2013. Two thousand years ago and more, Julius Caesar came, saw and... conquered the land of the Gauls after a long and bitter struggle. The resistance was led by Vercingetorix. This valiant young leader... was forced to lay down his arms at the feet of Caesar. It's a historical fact that Caesar had a lot of Gaul but he didn't have it all. One little region held out. A fortified village surrounded by the... entrenched Romans and it is in this village that we shall meet the hero... of our tale, the mighty warrior Asterix. There he is now, about to go hunting for wild boar, their habit. You'll be back soon Asterix ? - Yes I'll be back in time for dinner. Ah something tells me there are Romans around here. What hit me ? - The Gaul keeper's key. The occupation of Gaul as we see was no Roman holiday. And one sweet morning the legion leader, Bonus Belonus, was meditating. Hail Bonus Belonus ! The patrol is back. Hail Patroleum, let's hear the report ! - Hail Bonus Belonus. By Jupiter, how did you men get so badly beaten, were you outnumbered ? Well, were we outnumbered ? - Outnumbered ? I wouldn't say that. There was a boy. And he wasn't too big either. By Jupiter, there is a deep secret to this Gaelic strength. Well Asterix, anything special happened ? - Oh no. Oh yes, I crowned four Romans. Is that all ? - Obelix, how would you like some roast boar ? Oh sure, just got a couple of these to drop off. Yum, yum, roast boars. I guess the Romans were furious. They are going to attack us again you'll see. Why worry as long as Panoramix can cook up his magic potion. That reminds me this is my ration day, let's go see the old Druid. Come along Obelix ? - But Asterix, you know we mustn't waste food. Hear that ! That's him cutting mistletoe with his golden sickle. Panoramix, Druid ? What's the matter Panoramix ? - You scared me, you made me... cut my finger with my sickle. - Sorry, Panoramix. I've come to get my potion. Shhh, it's a secret, come with me ! With stirring motion I mix the potion that gives us our magic powers. The magic potion that increases your strength a thousand fold. Exactly what do you put into that potion, oh druid ? The origin of this potion is lost in the darkness of the ages. A Druid can only repeat the secret to another druid. All that I can tell you... is that it contains mistletoe and lobster, the lobster is not necessary... but it tastes good. Can I have some too ? - No Obelix, no no you know you can't ! You fell into the pot when you were just a baby and the effects... of the potion on you are permanent, you know that. Why don't you try out the effects of the potion for us ? Sure here I go. It works, old druid, it works! Those poor poor Romans, how sorry I feel for them. And now let's see what the Romans are up to. And in spite of our siege, these Gauls go on defying us ! If they are going to fight one against four it isn't fair ! We have to find out their secret. - You're right, Marcus Savapus. I must have a volunteer. Who will go and spy on the Gauls ? With so many volunteers I'll decide by playing musical chairs. This game which has come down to us through the ages was played with one chair less than there were legionnaires. When the music stopped ... It's Caligula Minus ! It's Caligula Minus ! No, no, I won't go. - Caesar will reward you, Caligula Minus. No, not me ! Either you volunteer or I will feed you to the lions. If you insist, I'll go. - Make a Gaul out of Caligula Minus. Meanwhile in the Gaelic village ... Men, it's a long time now since we last heard from the Romans, that's a bad sign. We must be vigilant and remember to get our ration of the potion. Hooray for Tunabrix, our chief ! Hooray for Tunabrix, our chief ! Chief ! Chief ! - Yes Obelix ? Panoramix won't give me any potion, that's not fair. Because I feel weak. You weak ? - Oh my oh my, here comes Stopthemusix ! I shall now sing a lay in honour of Gaelic courage ! Barbarians, they can't appreciate my art. Caligola Minus is now ready ! - Good, let's go and see. Put him in chains! You're going for a stroll near the village of the Gauls. When the Gauls see you ... they'll rescue you. When you'll be within their gates, you'll learn their secret. Now how do you like my plan ? - Well just between us, I don't understand. Take him to the enemy. - Take it easy, easy man, easy ! I'm a real Roman, I'm a Roman, hey ! I'd like to get into a good fight. - Yeah, but don't count on it, Asterix. The Romans are staying close to their camp, they're tired of getting beaten. What's that ? The sound of chains somebody's wearing. Up the tree! How long are we going to have to walk like this. Shut up, you'll be the only one spared when the Gauls attack, don't forget ! Romans coming, they've got a Gaul. - Let's save him ! I feel better. Let's wake them up and start again. No, come on, it's getting late. - Come along little fellow. Mission accomplished. Well, let's take off his chains. - But you can't do it without tools. Tools ? Who needs tools ? Well who are you ? - l'm Cali... Caliguliminix. I live in Lutetia. But the Romans and Gauls live in peace there, don't they ? Well in their eyes I appear so foxy, that they think I am a spy. The Romans take you for a spy ? Are they stupid ? The heroic patrol, commanded by Marcus Savapus returns to the camp at Hamsweetham. Oh hail, the Gauls came, they saw and they freed Caligula Minus. What a great victory for us ! I hope that Caligula Minus will come back to us in a single piece. I hope so for him otherwise I'll grind his pieces to pieces. And throw him to the lions. Poor Caligula Minus. We're approaching the village, there you'll be safe. There's only us Gauls. Oh great ! Asterix and Obelix brought company ! - l wonder who it is. You'll have to meet our chief, the great Tunabrix. Where are the Romans ? Let me at them ! Where are the Romans ? Here we are ! I bid you welcome brother and I hope you'll feel at home. Well, thanks. And now I shall carol a song of welcome. Stroll around the village till supper. - All right. I'll find out what sort of tools these Gauls use to work their metal. Hey come on Obelix , that stone ! - Here it is, coming right up. Gosh, they really are strong ! There must be a secret to this power. Hey Caliguliminix ! Supper's ready ! Roast boar. - Roast boar ? Is there a secret to your super human strength ? Yup, but we can't tell it. Why don't you eat ? It'll get cold otherwise. Why can't you tell me what the secret is ? - Because it's a secret. It's not fair ! If we Gauls can't share our secrets, what's the use ? If I was as strong as you I could get past the Roman line and get back to my home. What do you say ? - Well I say let's finish his roast boar. My relatives are probably worried. - Well, let's go see the Druid. Panoramix ! Panoramix ! What do you want now Asterix ? Me, nothing, but our new friend wants to know why we're so strong. It's absolutely out of the question. But I have to get back home to get back to work. What do you work at ? I'm a guide, I guide for Lutetia by night. National tourism. No ! No ! And No ! All right, I get it, you don't want me. I'll get to Lutetia anyway and if the Romans throw me to the lions... at each bite I'll say: You can blame Panoramix the Druid ! You can blame Panoramix the Druid ! You can blame Panoramix the Druid ! Oh well, all right ... - Come back, Caliguliminix ! Come back, Caliguliminix ! I'll show you the secret of our power, I'll even give you a portion of a potion. It's a secret you can drink ? - Go call the others Asterix. It's a secret you can drink ? - Go call the others Asterix. Get your magic potion ! Come and get your potion ! Come and get your potion ! Magic ? - Potion ? Come and get your potion ! - Magic ? Potion ? - The magic potion ? A portion of this potion can give you the necessary strength to return... to Lutetia but the effects of it disappear quickly. It tastes like vegetable soup. - l can make it taste like other things: lamb barbecue, clam chowder, cheese omelette, steak and onions... But I don't feel anything special. - Why don't you try lifting up that rock ? But I will never be able to. Hey little fellow, you have to be careful anyway. What are we going to do now ? - Were going to dance. Let the dance now begin ! Take your places ! Step to the right ! Step to the left ! Left row forward, right row back ! Mark your places, reach your partner. Pull your partners moustache ! Pull your partners moustache ! These are removable moustaches, they are the latest style in Lutetia. You are no Gaul, you're a Roman spy. Get the Roman ! It's no use Asterix, remember he just drank the potion. It's because of you that he escapes. By my golden sickle, you are the one who insisted that I give him some. Let's forget it, he didn't learn much and the effect will disappear soon. Hail Bonus Belonus ! I've learnt the secret of the Gauls. It's a magic potion. Where is this potion ? - Here here here ! Come along Caligula Minus, I want to see what effects this potion produces. Fight them ! Fight them ! I said fight them ! - Him ? Fight us ? By Jupiter, he can't ! We'll make mincemeat out of him. That's that ! Wonderful ! Trouble is we don't have the potion to study ! I suggest we cut him open just like a rabbit. You just try it! Come on, you just try it! Your idea isn't bad, but Caligola Minus refuses to cooperate. Sure I refuse ! How long is the potion effective ? How long ? I don't know. All right, lift that rock. There you are. What a man ! Now don't move, when that rock gets too heavy for you ... it'll mean the effects of the potion have completely disappeared. Much much later... Well now, you don't feel quite so strong ? - No not quite. If I can find out what's in that potion, I can become emperor, Bonus Caesar. We leave Bonus Belonus to his dreams and return to the Gauls. I'm going to gather mistletoe. - Do you want me to come along ? No Asterix, you stay here and protect the village, your strength is ... due to my potion but your intelligence was yours from the day you were born. Anyhow I won't be very long. All right. You Roman nincompoops ! We've captured the Druid, Bonus Belonus. - Bravo, Tullius Octopus, as a reward... you can have a pass to go to Rome and see the circus. Rome, I'm going to the circus ! I'm going to the circus ! Druid, tell me your secret. - The secret ? Not on your life. This man must talk, get me the torturer. We'll see if he'll talk or not. Cough ! Come on druid ! We've been torturing you for hours and it hasn't helped. It has helped me pass the time. - Speak, and I'll make you powerful and rich ! No ! - You will have lots and lots of money. No ! The magical powers of this Druid are much too strong for me. And he's so stubborn, as stubborn as a mule. What's the matter Asterix ? You look worried. The Druid went to gather mistletoe and hasn't come back. I'm going to go and find him. - Be careful Asterix ! You had your potion a long time ago. - Well I'll just have to trust my intelligence. Panoramix ! Druid, where are you ? Panoramix ! Panoramix ! Panoramix ! Don't worry, don't sell your oxen. - Then what ? Just sell your cart . - What ? Just sell your cart and go home with your oxen. What a brilliant idea that is ! Stop, stop! Enough ! Tell me, have you seen a Druid gathering mistletoe ? No but I did see one being carried in a net. A group of legionnaires were taking him to HamSweetham. What ? You take me to Hamsweetham. - But that is a way out of my way ! Hamsweetham is the biggest market around and it has a great used cart park. How lucky for me to have met you, Hamsweetham, here we come. Why are you hiding ? - To play a joke on my Roman pals. That's great, I love jokes. This jackass should get the laurel wreath for stupidity. What are you carrying in your cart ? - Nothing. By Jupiter, are you laughing at me ? What is going on here Gracchus Darilus ? This sap is laughing at me, I'll have to check his cart. Let him enter, I know him. He's not dangerous. That idiot had almost got me caught. Here we are in camp, are you going to play your joke now ? It's getting dark. In the morning it'll be funnier. - Oh sure. Goodnight... I better start looking for the Druid. Let's start there. Lie down and dine, oh Marcus, my loyal right-hand. We must talk. Thank you, o gracious Bonus. We must get the secret recipe the Druid has for the potion, understand ? And when we do we shall march on Rome and take the place of Caesar. Julius Caesar ? Right friend, Julius, and the two of us will form a powerful triumvirate. I have need of him now but later I alone will be the triumvirate. I'll have him eaten by the lions in Rome. I shall become Caesar, just me, all alone. This is very interesting but it doesn't help me find Panoramix the Druid. Oh, he's certainly being guarded in that tent. I beg your pardon, I've come to free Panoramix, my friend. Don't let him get out, he's an unconquerable Gaul. I'll go get some help. - Sure go. Asterix ! - How are you ? Have you gone mad ? Why did you come here? You've walked into the lions den. Chief ! Chief ! These asses can't do a thing against my magical powers. I know that. Let's have some fun with them, I've got a few ideas. Chief ! Chief ! O Bonus Belonus, ... - What now ? We've captured a Gal, G, Gaul in the t, tent of the D, D Druid. We need reinforcements or the prisoner is sure to get away. By the great Jupiter, sound off the alarm ! Surrender, you Gaul. If not, I'll order my brave legionaries to attack you. I hope he surrenders. The suspense is killing me. I toss my weapon at your feet as Vercingetorix, my chief, tossed his ... at Caesar's feet. Come on, I'm surrendering. I've got no time to waste ! Seize that Gaul or I'll have you all fed to the lions. Lions ? - Fed to the lions he said ! - And he means it too. Hey, what's happening ? The camp's been invaded by a Gaul. - Well that's not fair, he might have waited till I woke up to begin his joke. He doesn't play fair, it's not nice ! So you refuse to speak, do you Druid ? But tomorrow on the torture rack ... your friend may be a bit more loquacious ! They've no idea how loquacious I'll be. I'll break the record for loquacity. Ssh! ... they're coming ! Bonus Belonus wants to see you. You, do you know the secret of the magic potion ? Me ? No ! - For the last time Druid... give me that recipe or I'll have your friend tortured. You can't scare me, Roman. - I have confidence in the courage of my friend. Well, we shall see. I want this Gaul tied to that table, and go get the torturer! Here I am. You know my motto: always ready. Pity please, don't hurt me! I can't take any more ! Enough, I can't stand see him suffer like this. I'll tell you all. Torturer, desist ! But chief, I didn't even get started. Oh pity please, pity please ! OK druid, let me in on the secret, if not I'll have him finish the job. I'll prepare the whole potion in front of you but I need quite a number of ingredients... that I can only find in the forest. - What scaredy-cats these Gauls are ! You will have what you need, go with him I will hold the other Gaul as a hostage. I'll need mistletoe... herbs and a few roots, and some flowers. The Druid is back. - Now he wants a big pot. Then give him one ! Just a pinch of salt, a tiny touch of pepper and let it bubble. Bubble ? Bubble, oh make it bubble fast. - Something is lacking. An ingredient that is important, - What ? What ? What ? Strawberries. - Strawberries at this season ? Of course it won't be that easy... We could wait until the right season. No, quick! Send out our fastest messengers! I want strawberries, strawberries ! Strawberries, strawberries ! Asterix, you get good ideas. - You are the one who thought of ... sending them strawberry picking, while we lounge at Caesar's expense. The messengers have been gone for days, not a single one has returned. The messengers have come back ! - That's fine. Hail Bonus Belonus. - Hail my legionaries, did you find them ? No, no sir ! - No strawberries, Bonus. - And we lost Tullius Octopus. Here I am, o Bonus Belonus! Look, I found the strawberries, I ran into a route... merchant just back from Greece. I had to pay their weight in gold ! That's good, you shall have a reward. I grant you a pass to Rome and you've... my permission to go to the circus. - l'm going to the circus ! Druid, here are the strawberries you needed for your magic potion. What do you think of them, Asterix ? - I'm not sure they are of fine quality. Could be worse. I've changed my opinion: they are excellent. Yes, just what I needed for my potion. Send for another basket. I've had about enough, you're driving me mad. You're not being fair. All right, all right, take it easy, don't cry, I'll prepare your potion. Stop crying, he'll prepare it. - Sure, I'll make it without strawberries. Of course it won't be as sweet. - Anyhow strawberries ... can give you a rash. It's ready, it's best to serve it hot. - Me first! Where is the proof that your potion is not a poison, by Jupiter ? I'll be happy to taste it first if you are afraid. No, if this potion is the real one it will increase your power ... and you will become invincible. I want a volunteer ! I said: I am calling for a volunteer. O Bonus Belonus, don't risk the life of a legionnaire, try the potion ... on some ordinary person for the experiment. Good idea ! You, come over here, friend. - Who? Me ? Are you well, my good friend ? - No I am not, I was told I could sell ... my cart but no one wants to buy it, and it is all his fault ! I don't quite get what you mean but for consolation you may have some of this. No thanks, I don't drink. Drink it ! Why are you looking at me ? Didn't you ever see a cart dealer taking a drink ? After drinking this potion, you are the world's strongest man. Me ? You're so funny, he's a big joker. We'll find that out, punch someone ! - But I'm not mad at anybody. A volunteer for a good wallop ! I would like a bit more enthusiasm when I call for a volunteer! Me, I'll volunteer. - You, that's an idea, by Jupiter. Go on ! - Go ahead hit him ! Go on, hit him ! - Hit him, you fool ! By Jupiter, its absolutely marvellous! Did it hurt much ? - l thought the sky dropped on my head. Well, you don't need me anymore, so I guess I'll go. That potion is simply ... That is its magic. Forward, come and get your magic potion. The road to Rome lies before us, o Marcus, Caesar's days are numbered. You Druid, you write down the recipe of the magic potion. They will be cooked once it is in our possession, that will teach them a lesson. A good idea yes. Let us try out our great new strength. I'm trying to overdo it. I'll try that boulder. A smaller one. I'm strong, I am a superman ! What great power ! - Yes ? Bonus Belonus ? - Yes ? There is no powers in lifting that little stone. You're right ! So you tricked me you Gauls, this potion is not magic. Yes it is ! Oh Bonus Belonus, let's settle the hash of these Gauls. How dare you appear before me without shaving ? A good legionnaire should be clean shaven ! You are right but a legionnaire leader should set an example. But, what, what is gong on ? - Look at them ! What's happening here, Druid ? - lt's an old formula for a hair growing... lotion, an extremely powerful one. The hair on you heads and on your face... will grow and grow with the fastest pace. I will have you killed. Give me the antidote for this. If you kill us, who will make the antidote for you ? We are a little bit tired today. - Yes, we are going to retire to our tent. Hey you two ! Wait, hey ! What's wrong, oh Bonus Belonus ? I caught my foot in my beard, imbecile ! I am at the mercy of these Gauls, I'll have to bargain with them. Three thousand seventy five. - What ? It's a new game we invented, one who sees a beard gets 15 points, 10 000 wins. You've got your goal, you Gaul! Well, what do you want ? Promise not to split hairs about it ? - Don't you mention hairs again, you hear ? That's for the beards. - No wait, please. All right, but don't get in my hair again. Oh to be exact to a hair, we'll listen ! All right, I give up. Just give me the antidote and I'll let you go free. Well you see, I don't feel very much feel like working now. He gets a hand for being hair brained. You wouldn't think he's just had a close shave. All right, all right don't get so upset, I'll do it. I'll have to go out again and... get all the ingredients in the forest. Yes, but with an escort. Why did you accept so fast, he's up to no good. The effects of the potion I laid down aren't going to last very long. Tomorrow there won't be any beards, so we had better try to get out of here. As soon as I'm rid of this long hair and this beard, I'll murder those Gauls. It will give me a riotous satisfaction. We have come to escort you to the forest to gather the ingredients for the antidote. I have a plan. - That's what makes us great, we've got a million ideas. You will keep off my beard! Keep your beard from under my feet! Come on, hurry, our beards keep growing. I think that now I have got pretty much what is necessary. It's only us. - That's fine, we'll get to work. I've been working all morning, I hope I will be able to take a rest sometime. Where are you going ? - Can I see the Druid prepare the antidote ? No, better not, you would hinder us. You are too nervous. You guards, watch this tent, see to it they don't escape. Well that's good. You see, Asterix, here in the small pot I have prepared ... our real magic potion. I think we will need your muscles if we are to get out ... of here and here in the big pot I've prepared the antidote: water, salt, vegetables and a marrow bone, since we have to taste it in front... of the Romans I thought you would like something good. The magic potion is ready, might as well take a good portion. All right, now call our bearded hosts. Hey Romans, soup's on ! You bring that pot out here. - All right, all right. You taste it first. Is it good ? - It's fine, but I like it with more salt. It's your turn, Bonus Belonus. How can we be sure that this potion keeps the hair from growing longer ? You really are clever. Watch my moustache, you will see, it has stopped growing. By Jupiter, it is true. Drink, men! They swim like swine. - Yes. Now my guards, seize those two Gauls. - The pleasure is mine. Not by the hair of your chinny chin chin. Let me go, please let me go! Help me! Run, we'll leave while they are picking up these pieces. I was just starting to have some fun. - Halt you, get back in there. Romans ! More Romans ! Many more ! More there ! We are surrounded. Reinforcements, they got here just in time, what luck. It's not so good. Now I've got you Gauls, I'll have you eaten by the lions. Oh Bonus Belonus, you are awaited in your tent, it's urgent. Urgent ? - Yes, urgent. Whose cloak is this littering my tent ? Render onto Caesar that which is Caesar's. Julius Caesar ? - In person. I have come to find out what you are doing about the Gauls. And I want to know what has been going on here to keep your garrison... from receiving me with all due honour. Well you see, I mean, we have been fighting, what I mean is, with some Gauls. Fighting some Gauls ? How many Gauls ? - Two. By Cleopatra, show me the two man who are capable of standing up against... a garrison of my legionaries. Well so, there are the terrible Gauls. Tell me just what happened here ? Caesar, Bonus Belonus was trying to steal our magic potion so he... would be invincible. He intended to become emperor. Well, well. - Uh well, let me explain... You need not bother, and go and shave will you ? You and your men will be... leaving for Mongolia, there are other barbarians there who tried to oust me. Uh... But I could explain everything. - And as for you, in exchange for the services you have rendered l shall... allow you your liberty, but we will meet before long, Gauls. I'll count on that, Caesar. By the Gods, here they are. Hooray Panoramix, hooray Tunabrix our chief, hooray Asterix! Let us rejoice, for our brothers have reached a decisive new victory. Hooray for Tunabrix our chief! Let the festivities start. Under a star studded sky, the little fortified village of brave Gauls celebrated one more victory. Obtained with the protection of their Gods, intelligence, magic and courage. They knew the future would bring them ... further victories over the Roman legions. Two thousand years ago and more... Julius Caesar, as the head of his Roman legion, came, saw and conquered the land of the Gauls. after a long and bitter struggle. The resistance was led by Vercingetorige. And this valiant young leader... was forced to lay down his arms at the feet of Caesar. All of Gaul was occupied. No, one little region held out. One little region surrounded by the entrenched Romans. And it is in this village that we shall meet the hero... of our tale: The mighty warrior Asterix. There he is now, about to go hunting for wild boar, their habit. - You'll be back soon Asterix? - Yes, I'll be back in time for dinner. Ah, something tells me there are Romans around here. - What hit me? - They're the Gaul's favourite. The occupation of Gaul, as we see, was no Roman holiday. At Ham Sweet Ham, the legion leader, Caius Bonus, was meditating. Hail Caius! The patrol is back. Hail Patroleum Popus, hail! Let's hear the report! - Hail Caius Bonus. - Hail... By the gods, What happened to you, men? How did you get so badly beaten? Were you outnumbered? Well, were we outnumbered? Outnumbered? I wouldn't say that. There was a boy. Yeah, there was. And he wasn't too big either. By Jupiter, there is a deep secret to the Gaelic strength. Well, Asterix, anything special happened? Oh, no! Oh, yes! I crowned four Romans. - Oh, that all? - Hey, Obelix, how would you like some roast boar? Oh sure, just got a couple of these to drop off. Yum yum, roast boars. I guess the Romans were furious. They are going to attack us again you'll see. Why worry as long as Panoramix can cook up his magic potion. That reminds me this is my ration day, let's go see the old Druid. Come along Obelix? Asterix! You know we mustn't waste food. Hear that! That's him cutting mistletoe with his golden sickle. Panoramix, Druid? - What's the matter Panoramix? - You scared me, you made me... cut my finger with my sickle. Oh! Sorry Panoramix. I've come to get my ration of potion. All right, come with me! With stirring motion I mix the potion that gives us our magic powers. The magic potion that increases your strength a thousand fold. Exactly what do you put into that potion, old druid? The origin of the potion is lost in the darkness of the ages. A Druid can only repeat the secret to another druid. All that I can tell you... is that it contains mistletoe and lobster. The lobster is not necessary, but it tastes good. - Can I have some too? - No Obelix, no no you know you can't! You fell into a pot when you were just a baby and the effects... of the potion on you are permanent, you know that! Why don't you try out the effects of the potion for us, Asterix? Sure, here I go. It works, old druid, it works! Those poor poor Romans, how sorry I feel for them. And now let us see what the Romans are up to. And in spite of our siege, these Gauls go on defying us! If they are going to fight one against four it isn't fair! They'll make us look bad! - We have to find out the secret of their power. - You're right, Marcus Sallibus. I must have a volunteer. Who will go and spy on the Gauls? With so many volunteers, I have decided... to choose the spy by playing musical chairs. This game, which has come to us from the Romans, was played with one chair less than there were legionnaires... When the music stopped... It's Caligolaminus! It's Caligolaminus! - No, no, I won't go! - Caesar will reward you, Caligolaminus! No, not me! Either you volunteer or I will feed you to the lions. - If you insist, I'll go. - Make a Gaul out of Caligolaminus. Meanwhile in the Gaelic village... Men, it's a long time now since we last heard from the Romans, that's a bad sign. We must be vigilant and remember to get your ration of the potion. - Hooray for Tunabrix, our chief! - Hooray for Tunabrix, our chief! - Chief! - Yes, Obelix? Panoramix won't give me any potion, that's not fair. Because I feel weak. - You're weak? - Oh, my! Assurancetourix the bard! I shall now sing a lay in honour of Gaelic courage! Barbarians, they can't appreciate my art. - Caligolaminus is now ready! - Good, lets go and see. Put him in chains. You're going for a stroll near the village of the Gauls, when the Gauls see you... they'll come and rescue you, and then you'll be within their gates. You'll learn the secret of their strength. - Now how do you like my plan? - Well just between us, I don't understand. Take him to the enemy. Hey, hey, now easy, man! Easy, easy, will you? I am a fake prisoner. I'm a real Roman. I'm a Roman! I'm a real Roman! I'd like to get into a good fight. Yeah, but don't count on it, Asterix. The Romans are staying close to their camp, they're tired of getting beaten. What's that? The sound of chains. Somebody's arriving. Up the tree. How long are we going to have to walk like this. Shut up! I'll tell you when. You'll be the only one spared when the Gauls attack, don't forget! - Romans coming, they've caught a little Gaul. - Let's save him! I feel better. Why don't we wake them up, so we can begin again. - No, come on, it's getting late. - Come along, little fellow. Mis... Mis... Mission accomplished. - Well, lets take off his chains. - But you can't do it without tools. Tools? Who needs tools? Well, who are you? I am Cali... Calix... Calix-liminix. I... I live in Lutetia. But the Romans and Gauls live in peace there, don't they? Well, in there, I... I appear so foxy, and that they think I must be a spy. The Romans take you for a spy? Are they stupid? The heroic patrol commanded by Marcus Sallibus... returns to the camp at Ham Sweet Ham. Oh hail, the Gauls came they saw and they freed Caligolaminus. What a great victory for us! I hope that Caligolaminus will come back to us in a single piece. I hope so for him, otherwise I'll grind his pieces to pieces. - And throw the rest - ...to the lions. We're approaching the village, there you'll be safe. There's only us Gauls. Oh, great! - Hey, Asterix and Obelix they brought company! - I wonder who it is. You'll have to meet our chief, the great Tunabrix. Where are the Romans? Let me at them! I can take them! I can take them! I can take them! I can take them! Here we are! I bid you welcome, brother, and I hope you'll feel at home. Well, thanks. And now I shall carol a song of welcome. - Stroll around the village till supper. - All right. I'll find out what sort of tools these Gauls use to work their metal. - Hey, come on Obelix, that's all! - Here it is, coming right up. Gosh! They really are strong! There must be a secret to this power. Caligoliminix! Supper's ready! - Roast boar. - Roast boar? Is there a secret to your super human strength? Yup, but we can't tell it. Why don't you eat? It'll get cold otherwise. - Why can't you tell me what the secret is? - Because it's a secret. It's not fair! If we Gauls can't share our secrets, what's the use? If I was as strong as you I could get past the Roman line... and get back to my home in Lutetia. - What do you think? - Well, I say let's finish his roast boar. - My relatives are probably worried. - All right, lets go and see the Druid. Panoramix! Panoramix! Ouch! What do you want now, Asterix? Me, nothing, but our new friend Caligolaminus want to know why we're so strong. It's out of the question! Absolutely out of the question. But I have to get back home and go back to work. What do you work at? I'm a guide, I guide for Lutetia by night. National tourism. No! No! And No! All right, I get it, you don't want me. I'll get to Lutetia anyway and if the Romans throw me to the lions... At each bite I'll say, "You can blame Panoramix the Druid! "You can blame Panoramix the Druid! You can blame Panoramix the Druid!" - Oh well, all right! - Come back Caligoliminix! Come back, Caligoliminix! All right, I'll show you the secret of our power, I'll even give you a portion of a potion. It's a secret you can drink? Go call the others, Asterix. Get your magic potion! Come and get your potion! Come and get your potion! - Potion? - Potion? - Come and get your potion! - Potion? - Potion? - The potion? - Potion? - Potion? - Potion? - Potion! - Potion! - Potion! A portion of this potion, can give you the necessary strength to return... to Lutetia. But the effects of it disappear quickly. It tastes like vegetable soup. But I can make it taste like other things... Clam chowder, cheese omelette, steak and onions... The super banana cream pie. But I don't feel anything special. Why don't you try lifting up that rock? But I'd never be able to. Hey little fellow, you still have to be careful. - What are we going to do now? - Were going to dance. Lets the dance now begin! Take your places! Step to the right! And step to the left! Left row forward, right row back! Mark your places, reach your partner. Pull your partner's moustache! Pull your partner's moustache! These are removable moustaches, They are the latest style in Lutetia. Your are no Gaul, you're a Roman spy. Get the Roman! It's no use Asterix, remember he just drank the potion. It's because of your potion he escapes. By my golden sickle, you are the one who insisted that I give him some. Lets forget it, he didn't learn much and the effect will disappear soon. Halt! Hail Caius Bonus! I've learnt the secret of the Gauls. It's a magic potion. - Where is this potion? - Here, here, here! Come along Caligolaminus, I want to see what effects this potion produces. Fight them! Fight them! Fight them! Him? Fight us? By Jupiter, he'll fight us, we'll make mincemeat. That's that! Wonderful! Miraculous! The trouble is we don't have the potion so that we can find what it's made of! No, we don't! I suggest we cut him open just like a rabbit. You just try it. Come on, you just try it. Your idea isn't bad, but Caligolaminus refused to cooperate. Of course I refuse! How long is the potion effective? How long? I don't know. All right, lift that rock. There you are. What a man! Now don't move, when that rock gets too heavy for you... it'll mean the effects of the potion have completely disappeared. Much, much later... - Well now, you don't feel quite so strong? - No, not quite. If I can find out what's in that potion, I can become emperor, Caius Caesar. We leave Caius Bonus to his dreams and return to the Gauls. - I'm going to the forest to gather mistletoe. - Do you want me to come along? No Asterix, you stay here and protect the village. Your strength is due to my potion, but your intelligence was yours from the day you were born. Anyhow, I won't be very long. All right. Good. You Roman nincompoops! We've captured the Druid, oh, Caius Bonus! Bravo, Julius Octopus, as a reward... you can have a pass to go to Rome and see the circus. Circus? I'm going to the circus! I'm going to the circus! - Druid, tell me your secret. - The secret? Not on your life. This man must talk, get me the torturer. We'll see if he'll talk or not. - Talk! - I won't. Come on, Druid! We've been torturing you for hours and it hasn't helped. Surely it has! It has helped me pass the time. Druid, tell me the secret, and I'll make you powerful and rich! - No! - You'll have lots of money! Lots and lots and lots of money. No! The magical powers of this Druid are much too strong for me. And he's so stubborn, as stubborn as a mule. What's the matter Asterix? You look worried. The Druid went to gather mistletoe and hasn't come back. I'm going to go find him. Be careful, Asterix! You had your potion a long time ago. Well, I'll just have to trust my intelligence. Panoramix! Druid, where are you? Panoramix! Panoramix! Panoramix! ♪ I'm a merchant in oxen ♪ ♪ And really very unhappy ♪ ♪ If I sell my oxen at the market ♪ ♪ Who will then carry me? ♪ ♪ I hesitate to sell my oxen ♪ ♪ What would I do without them? ♪ ♪ It's a real nightmare for me ♪ ♪ How will I pull my cart? ♪ ♪ I must continue my way ♪ ♪ Not letting rot my hay ♪ ♪ Without oxen I would toil more ♪ ♪ I am certainly a lost man ♪ ♪ I'm a merchant in oxen ♪ ♪ And really very unhappy ♪ ♪ If I sell my oxen at the market ♪ ♪ Who will then carry me? ♪ You have nothing to worry about. Don't sell your oxen. - Then what? - Just sell your cart. What? Just sell your cart and go home with your oxen. What a brilliant idea that is! ♪ I am a merchant of carts I am the world's happiest man ♪ Stop, stop, too quick! Tell me, have you seen a Druid gathering mistletoe? No but I did see one being carried in a net, a group of legionnaires were taking him to Ham Sweet Ham. What? - You take me to Ham Sweet Ham. - But that is a way out of my way! Ham Sweet Ham is the biggest market around and it has a great used cart park. How lucky for me to have met you. Ah, look. Ham Sweet Ham, here we come. - Why are you hiding? - To play a joke on my Roman pals. That's great, I love jokes. This jackass should get the laurel wreath for stupidity. - I want to know what you are carrying in your cart. - Nothing. By Jupiter, are you laughing at me? What is going on here, Cracsus Daris? This sap is laughing at me. I'll have to check his cart. Let him enter! I know him. He's not dangerous. Oh, my hell! That noodle head almost got me caught. Here we are in camp, are you going to play your joke now? No, it's going to be dark. I'll wait till morning, it'll be funnier. Oh, sure. Goodnight... I better start looking for the Druid. Let's start there. Lie down and dine, oh Marcus Sallibus, my loyal right-hand. We two must talk! Thank you. Oh, Caius Bonus! We must get the secret recipe the Druid has for the potion, understand? And when we do we shall be invincible, then we shall march on Rome. And there we shall take the place of Caesar. Julius Caesar? Right, Julius, and the two of us will form a powerful triumvirate. I have need of him now but later I in Rome will be the triumvirate. I'll have him eaten by a lion in Rome. I shall become Caesar, just me, all alone. This is very interesting, but it doesn't help me find Panoramix the Druid. Oh, he's certainly being guarded in that tent. I beg your pardon, I've come to free Panoramix, my friend. Don't let him get out, he's an unconquerable Gaul. - I'll go get some help. - Sure go on. - Asterix! - How are you? Have you gone mad? Asterix, why did you come here? You've walked into the lion's den. Chief! Chief! These asses can't do a thing against my magical powers. I know that. Let's have some fun, with them. I've got a few ideas. Chief! Chief! Chief! Chief! - Oh, Caius Bonus. - What now? We've captured a Gaul, a Gaul, a Gaul in the tent, tent of the Druid. We need reinforcements or the prisoner is sure to get away. By Jupiter, sound up the alarm! Surrender, you Gauls. If not, I'll order my brave legionaries to attack you. I hope he surrenders. The suspense is killing me. I toss my weapon at your feet as my chief Vercingetorige, tossed his at Caesar's. Come on, I'm surrendering. I've got no time to waste! Seize that Gaul, or I'll have you all fed to the circus lions. - Of the circus? - Fed to the lions he said! And he means it too. Hey, what's happening? The camps been invaded by a Gaul. Well, he might have waited until I woke up to begin his joke. He didn't play fair. It's not nice either. It's not nice! So you refuse to speak, do you Druid? But tomorrow on the torture rack... your friend may be a bit more gracious! They've no idea how talkative I'll be. I'll break the record for talkativity. Shh! They're coming! Caius Bonus wants to see you. You, do you know the secret of the magic potion? - Me? No! - For the last time Druid... give me the recipe or I'll have your friend tortured. You can't scare me, Roman. I have confidence in the courage of my friend Asterix. Well, we shall see. I want this Gaul tied to that table, and go get the torturer. Here I am, you know my motto, always ready. Always ready. Mercy, please, don't hurt me. I can't take anymore! Please! By the great god Titan, enough! I can't see him suffer like this, I'll tell you all. Torturer, desist! But chief, I didn't even get started. Oh, mercy, please! All right, Druid, let me in on the secret. If not I'll have him finish the job. I'll prepare the potion in front of you but I need a number of ingredients... - that I can only find in the forest. - What scaredy cats these Gauls are! You will have what you need. Go with him. I will hold the other Gaul as a hostage. I'll need mistletoe... herbs and a few roots, and meadow flowers. - The Druid is back. - Now he wants a big pot. Then give him one! Just a pinch of salt, a tiny touch of pepper and let it bubble. - Bubble? Bubble, oh make it bubble fast. - Something is lacking. - An ingredient that is important, - What? What? What? - Strawberries. - Strawberries, at this season? Of course it won't be that easy, we could wait until the right season. No, Quick! Send out our fastest messengers. I want strawberries, strawberries! Strawberries, strawberries! - Asterix, you get good ideas. - You are the one who thought of... sending them strawberry picking, while we lounge at Caesar's expense. The messengers have been gone for days, not a single one has returned. The messengers have come back, Caius Bonus! That's fine. - Hail Caius Bonus. - Hail my legionaries, did you find them? - No! - No sir! No strawberries, Bonus. And we lost Julius Octopus. Here I am, Caius Bonus. I found the strawberries. I ran into a route merchant... just back from Greece, I had to pay their weight in gold! That's good, you shall have a reward. I grant you a pass to Rome and you've... - my permission to go to the circus. - I'm going to the circus! Druid, here are the strawberries you needed for your magic potion. - What do you think of them Asterix? - I'm not sure they are of fine quality. Could be worse. I've changed my opinion they are excellent. Yes, just what I needed for my potion, send for another basket. Oh! I've had about enough! You're driving me mad. You're not being fair. All right, all right, take it easy, don't cry. I'll prepare your potion. - Stop crying, he'll prepare it. - Sure! You'll see. I'll make it without strawberries. Of course it won't be as sweet. Anyhow, strawberries can give you a rash. - It's ready, it's best to serve it hot. - Me first! What proof do I have that your potion is not a poison, by Jupiter? I'll be happy to taste it first if you are afraid. No, if this potion is the real one it will increase your power... and you will become invincible. I want a volunteer! I said I am calling for a volunteer. Oh, Caius Bonus, don't risk the life of a legionnaire, try the potion on some ordinary person for the experiment. Good idea! - You come over here, friend. - Who? Me? How do you do, my good friend? Are you well? No, I am not well. I was told I would sell my cart, but no one wants to buy my cart. I need my dreamer's bucks! And it is all his fault! I don't quite get what you mean but for consolation you may have some of this. No thanks, I don't drink. Drink it! What are you looking at me like that for? Didn't you ever see a cart dealer taking a drink, huh? After drinking this potion, you are the worlds strongest man. Me? You're so funny! He's a big joker. - That's what we'll find out. You punch someone! - But I'm not mad at anybody. A volunteer for a good wallop! I would like a bit more enthusiasm when I call for a volunteer. - Me, I'll volunteer. - You, that's an excellent idea. - Go on! - Go ahead, hit him! - Go on, hit him! - Hit him, you fool! By Jupiter, its absolutely marvellous. - Did it hurt much? - I thought the sky dropped on my head. Well you don't need me anymore, so I guess I'll go. ♪ I'm a merchant in oxen The happiest in the whole world ♪ ♪ If I sell my oxen at the market I can still keep travelling ♪ ♪ Finally I can sell my oxen I'll manage fine without them ♪ ♪ For me the nightmare is over I can pull my cart myself ♪ ♪ I will continue my path And will keep all my hay ♪ ♪ I am now the strongest To me the golden medal goes ♪ ♪ I am a merchant of oxen The happiest in the whole world ♪ ♪ If I sell my oxen at the market I can still keep travelling ♪ There really is something magical in that potion. Forward, come and get your magic potion. The road to Rome lies before us, oh, Marcus Souerpus, Caesar's days are numbered. You Druid, you write down the recipe of the magic potion. They shall be cooked once it is in our possession, that will teach them a lesson. That's a good idea, I guess. Let us try out our great new strength. I mustn't overdo it. I'll try that boulder. A smaller one. Yes, this one will do. I'm strong, I am super strong! - What great power! - Yes! - Caius Bonus? - Huh? You need no powers to lift that little rock. You're right! So you tricked me, you Gauls, this potion is not magic. Yes it is! Oh Caius Bonus, lets settle the hash of these Gauls. How dare you appear before me without shaving? A good legionnaire should be clean shaven! You are right but a legionnaire leader should set an example. - But, what, what is gong on? - Look at them! What's happening here, Druid? It's an old formula for a hair growing lotion, an extremely powerful one. The hair on you heads and on your face... will grow and grow with the fastest pace. I will have you killed. Give me the antidote for this. If you kill us, who will make the antidote for you? Anyhow, we are a little bit tired today. Yes, we are going to retire to our tent. Hey, you two! Hey! Hey, wait! What's wrong, oh, Caius Bonus? I caught my foot in my beard, imbecile! I am at the mercy of these Gauls. It looks like they won. I'll have to bargain with them. - Three thousand and seventy five. - What? It's a new game we invented, one who sees a beard gets 15 points, 10 thousands wins. You've got your goal, you Gaul, well what do you want? - Promise not to split hairs about it? - Don't you mention hairs again, you hear? - That's for the beards. - No! No! Wait, please! All right but don't get in my hair again. If all that's exact to a hair, we'll listen! All right, I give up, just give me the antidote and I'll let you go free. Well, you see! I don't feel very much feel like working now. He gets a hand for being hair brained. You wouldn't think he's just had a close shave. All right, all right don't get so upset, I'll do it. I'll have to go out again and get all the ingredients in the forest. Yes, but with an escort. Why did you accept so fast, he's up to no good. The effects of the potion I laid down aren't going to last very long. Tomorrow there won't be any beards, so we'd better try to get out of here. As soon as I'm rid of this long hair and this beard, I'll murder those Gauls. It will give me a righteous satisfaction. We have come to escort you to the forest so you can gather the ingredients for the anti-dote. I have a plan. That would make two of us. I've got a brilliant idea too. You will keep off my beard. Keep your beard off from under my feet. Come on hurry, our beards keep growing. I think that now I have got pretty much what is necessary. - It's only us. - That's fine, we'll get to work. I've been working all morning. I hope I will be able to take a rest soon, maybe. - Where are you going? - But can I see the Druid prepare the anti-dote? No, better not, you would hinder us, you are too nervous. You guards, watch this tent. See to it they don't escape. Ah! Let's go! You see, Asterix, my friend. Here in the small pot I have prepared our real magic potion. I think we will need your muscles if we are to get out of here. And here in the big pot I have prepared the anti dote. Water, salt, vegetables and a marrow bone. Since we have to taste it in front of the Romans, I thought you would like something good. The magic potion is ready, might as well take a big portion. All right, now call our bearded hosts. Hey Romans, soups on! - You bring that pot out here. - All right, all right. You taste it first. - Is it good? - It's fine, but I like it with a little more salt. It's your turn, Caius Bonus. And how will you prove that that drink will stop our hair from growing? You really are clever! Just watch my moustache, you will see it stops growing. By Jupiter, it is true. Drink up, men! They swim like swines. Yes! - Now my guards, seize those two Gauls. - The pleasure is mine. Not by the hair of your chinny chin chin. Let me go, please let me go, help me. Run, we'll leave while they are picking up the pieces. - I was just starting to have some fun. - Halt you, get back in there. Romans! More Romans! Many more! More there! We are surrounded. Reinforcements, they got here just in time, what luck. It's not so good. Now I've got you Gauls, I'll have you eaten by the lions. Oh, Caius Bonus, you are awaited in your tent. It's urgent. - Urgent? - Yes, urgent. Whose cloak is this, littering my tent? Remnant of Caesar, he who is emperor. - Julius Caesar? - In person. I have come to find out exactly what you are been doing about the Gauls. And I want to know what has been going on here to keep your garrison... from receiving me with all due honour. Well, uh... I mean, you see, uh! We've been fighting with... What I mean is we've been fighting some Gauls. Fighting some Gauls? How many Gauls? Two. By Cleopatra, show me the two man who are capable of standing up against... a garrison of my legionaries. Well, so there are the terrible Gauls? Tell me just what happened here? Caesar, Caius Bonus was trying to steal our magic potion... so would be invincible, through which he intended to become emperor. - Well, well. - Uh, I... Well, let me explain... You needn't, bother! You go and shave, will you? You and your men will be leaving immediately for Lower Mongolia. Are there're other barbarians there, by fight performance? Uh, but I could explain everything. And as for you, in exchange for the services you have rendered, I shall allow you your liberty, but this one only is the moment whence I pay respect to you, Gaul We will meet before long. I'll count on that, Caesar. By the gods, here they are. Hooray Panoramix, hooray Tunabrix our chief, hooray Asterix, Let us rejoice for our brothers have reached a decisive new victory. Hooray for Tunabrix, our chief. - Hooray for Tunabrix! - Hooray for Tunabrix, our chief! Let the festivities start. Under a star studded sky, the little fortified village of brave Gauls celebrated one more victory. Obtained through the protection of their gods, their own intelligence, magic and courage. They knew the future would bring them further victories over the Roman legions. Good morning, Mr. Phelps. The man you're looking at is Alex Cresnic, one of the world's largest dealers in heroin. Recently, Cresnic made his biggest deal. He bought the entire heroin crop of an Asiatic country and smuggled it into Marseilles, where he plans to wholesale it to his major buyers. In order to get enough financing for such a big operation, Cresnic took in a partner. His name is Mark Walters, head of the Numbers Bank in Miami. The mission, Jim, should you decide to accept it, is to prevent Cresnic and Walters from selling their heroin and put them out of business permanently. As always, should you or any of your IM Force be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This recording will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim. Heavenly. No one would ever suspect it's heroin. Pure. Pure heroin. Close to a million dollars' worth. That's enough to turn on half the addicts in the United States for a year. Rollin, how's it coming? See for yourself, Jim. - Ready? - Ready. Beautiful, but how? Barney? Now, whatever you wanna pick up is sucked in through here. Whatever you wanna leave is forced out through this one. Now, Jim, this whole outfit will fit in the lining of your coat. The only problem I had was making it work silently. Good, very good, Barney. Now, you're clear on how to get into Cresnic's. Right. Doctor, you sure that that stuff is going to be strong enough? It will keep him out for three to four hours. Cinnamon? It appears my new husband is very generous. We should be very happy. Yes, but not for long. Within 48 hours, we're gonna make you a grieving widow. Sixteen thousand dollars a kilo? Why, that's a 20-percent increase. Nevertheless, that is the price. If you don't like it, seek elsewhere. Where? You have the market all sewn up. That is exactly why we raised our prices. We are old customers, Cresnic. Give us a break. We are. We're offering you the best stuff. Pure. Absolutely pure. All right, it's good quality. But $16,000? Pass it on to your customers. What's the problem? Now then, gentlemen, are you ready to buy? Twenty kilos, that's $320,000. And, Mr. Maharis, 30 kilos. That's 480,000. Thank you very much, gentlemen. You can all pick up your merchandise tomorrow, huh? Not tomorrow, now. I have to return to London. First he didn't want to buy at all, now he can't wait. Maharis, put your money away. The goods will be ready tomorrow. All right, Cresnic. But just make sure the heroin is pure. One hundred percent. Thank you for stopping by, gentlemen. I will see you all promptly tomorrow. One million, six hundred thousand. Not bad, partner, not bad. I am, however, concerned that we may not have enough to supply the smaller buyers next week. For them, the stuff doesn't have to be so pure. See you tomorrow. Keep your hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road. If this is a holdup, you're making a big mistake. This is no holdup. I'm just gonna tell you how you can save some money. - That's a new twist. - All right, pull over and park. Fourteen thousand dollars a kilo is a good price, if it's pure heroin and if I was in the market. Let's not play games, Maharis. It's pure, and you're in the market, and you're not buying from Cresnic. You're buying from us. And if I don't? This road's not too well-travelled. It'll be weeks before someone finds your body. Fourteen thousand. I never could turn down a good deal. We'll be in touch. Up, please. Hey, hold it. Floors, please. - Eighteen, please. - Twenty. - What's wrong? - I don't know. Sorry. - Let me out of here. - I can't. We're between floors. Well, can't you do something about it? Well, maybe I can lower it to the floor below. We're falling. The brakes won't work. Well, get the emergency button. Do something! What's the matter with you? We're going to the bottom! Stop this thing! Stop it! Stop this thing! Stop it! Stop it! Do something! Stop it! What's the matter with you? Stop this thing! Stop it! Stop it! Let's get him down to the basement, Barney. - Yes? - My name is Alex Cresnic. Cresnic. Would you come this way, please? Mrs. Walters? This way, please. Is this your husband, Mrs. Walters? Yes, it is. And you, Mr. Cresnic, can you also identify this man as Mark Walters? - Yes. - Thank you. Mrs. Walters, there are some personal effects. Yes, thank you. I am Alex Cresnic. I was Mark's partner. Yes, I know. That envelope contains a small notebook. - Yes? - It belongs to me. I would like to have it. Just as soon as I'm up to going through everything, of course, I'll return it to you. - Let go of my arm. - I want that notebook. Now. You're hurting my arm. Who are you? - What do you mean? - When were you married? Before Mark left for Europe. Here, if you don't believe me, here's our passport. Well, why all the secrecy? Why wouldn't Mark tell me? Maybe Mark thought his personal life was his own affair. Now Mark's business is my business, and I don't know anything about business. I thought maybe you'd help me with it. Could we discuss it? My hotel, 5:00? Very well. That should do it. Strong, steady heartbeat. - There won't be any after-effects. - Good. Let's get him to the hospital. How nice of you to be so prompt, Mr. Cresnic. Thank you. My eyes! I can't see! You're going to be all right, Mr. Walters. Your blindness is the result of the medication I administered. You see, in the accident, you suffered a severe blow to the temple, and it affected the optic nerve. How long will I be this way? Barring any complications, your eyesight will be perfectly normal by tomorrow. In the meantime, you must have rest and quiet. I've got to get in touch with someone, my partner. I will order you a phone. Remember, rest and quiet. Thank you. - Would you like a drink? - No. Oh, no, of course not. Mark told me you never drink. He said your only vice was money. What else did he tell you? Everything, Mr. Cresnic. Everything. From what Mark told me, I'm a very wealthy woman. Or will be soon. Well, frankly, Mrs. Walters, I don't see that this is any concern of mine. Well, fortunately, it was of great concern to Mark. He gave me some papers. What kind of papers? I don't know. I've never really looked at them. Mark called them my insurance policy. Exactly where are these papers now? They're safely locked away. Nothing can happen to them. Unless, of course, something happens to me. I see. It appears that I have acquired a new partner. It would seem that way, Mr. Cresnic. If I were you, I would not spend the profits quite yet. No? Why? A new organisation has moved in on us. A dozen of my biggest buyers have cancelled their orders. Could there be any connection between that and Mark's death? A man left this for Mark just before he was killed. He said he knew him in the States. Mark said he'd never heard of him. Do you know him? No, but I am going to. Who is it? It's me, Alex. I came as soon as I heard. Thanks. - How bad is it? - Not bad. - I'll be out tomorrow. - That's a break. - They told me they'd killed you. - What? They're forcing us out of business. You mean someone rigged that elevator? Yes, they emptied a shotgun at me and killed two of my men. Well, that's great. I'm a sitting duck in this place. No, they think you're dead. You've nothing to worry about. I brought you this, just in case. Thank you. What about tomorrow? It will be business as usual. By the time they find out, we will be all through. Your time is up, Mr. Cresnic. Well, I'll see you in the morning, Mark. Just rest and don't worry. Thank you. Now, you be careful. All right, let's have a look. Put that thing away. I don't want any trouble while she's here. Something I can do for you? That's the man. Wait for me in the car, please. Okay, Cresnic, what do you want? Just looking around. What's in there? Our warehouse. Let's have a look. Very interesting setup. What is he doing? I can find out for myself. Pretty expensive bath crystals, huh? But then, I don't suppose you have many problems with the police that way, do you? All right, Cresnic, you've seen what you came here to see. - Now, get out. - I like it. It has definite possibilities. It's a pity this operation is too large for just one man. - I'm getting along all right. - That was before I came along. If I were you, I would take on a partner. I'll think about it. On second thought, I already have a partner. I don't need another one, do I? All right, Cresnic. Put it away. Now, get out of here. You just made a bad mistake. I'm scared to death. - Yes? - It worked. Good. It worked. Tonight, 2 a.m. Keep quiet, or you are dead. The export clearances. Look, I'm just a chemist. I don't have anything to... Get them, huh? - You are sure that's all of it? - Positive. All right, let's get out of here. Bring him along. Now, look, you've got what you want. I told you, I'm just a chemist. That's exactly what I need. Move. My coat. This is where you will be working for a while. What am I supposed to do? Exactly as you did before, make bath crystals. Where is the heroin? World Wide Exports is out of business. It would seem that, once again, we are the only supplier. Oh, by the way, we will have to raise our price. It seems at the moment there is a considerable shortage. Eighteen thousand a kilo. Yeah. Well, that's it, Maharis. Take it or leave it. What did he say? Well, he was not happy, but what can he do? We have, as you Americans put it so aptly, the only game in town. You have a visitor. He's unarmed and alone. Well, now, this is a surprise. Stop the act, Cresnic. - You hit my laboratory last night. - Is that a fact? Look, you wanna play rough, it's okay with me. Two can play that game. - Throw him out. - I'm warning you. I said, throw him out. Oh, by the way, your idea of the bath crystals is very good. So good, that I intend to package my product that way from now on. I just wanted to thank you. Nicely done, partner. How much longer? I'm drying it now. A couple of hours should finish the job. Fine. As soon as he's finished in there, let me know. What do you want done with him? What do you think? Get rid of him. How much longer? A couple of minutes should do it. Don't worry, Thornton, I have plenty of merchandise. You just bring the money. I will see you at 6:00. That's all of them. It looks like my share of the money is luckily going to be worth something after all. In this business, you make your own luck. Suppose we have dinner tonight after the sale. I could pick you up and bring your share of the money at the same time. I think I'd rather be here to see all that money exchange hands. It should be very exciting. I have a slight suspicion, Mrs. Walters, that you are more interested in the money than you are in my company. Frankly, Mr. Cresnic, I'm interested in both. - Who is it? - It's me, Alex. How are you feeling, Mark? Jumpy. I want the doctor to get these bandages off and let me out of here. It had better be soon. I need your help. What do you want me to do? I knew I could count on you. Now, listen carefully. Beautiful. It even smells nice. I'm done here. I'd like to leave. Of course. Drive him back to town, will you? Oh, and this is for you. Thank you. Thank you. Your eyes will be a bit sensitive for a while. It is important that you wear dark glasses the first few days. Okay, doc. Just get these bandages off. I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Walters. As fast as I can. Gentlemen, this is Mrs. Mark Walters. How do you do, Mrs. Walters? All right, gentlemen, you have all seen the quality of the product, and your orders have been filled. As you see, your purchases have been dyed and perfumed to resemble bath salts as an added safety factor. Safety factor? They are more easily shipped that way, Maharis. And for a small additional charge, I will guarantee delivery of anything that you buy. - How much? - Twenty percent. But delivery is guaranteed. No trouble with the police or customs. - It is a deal. - Fair enough. - How about you, Maharis? - I'll take my product now. Suit yourself. Taxi. That will be all, gentlemen. Your merchandise will be shipped out immediately. I trust we will all be doing business together again very soon and that we will keep in touch. And if anyone tries to pressure you to buy from them, I want to know about it, huh? Everyone, just relax. This sale isn't quite finished yet. You must be crazy to pull a stunt like this. You. I'd get out of here if I were you. Maharis, check the heroin you just bought. What is this all about? This stuff is nothing but powdered milk. No wonder you wanted to ship the merchandise for us. Why, you dirty... He's trying to set me up. It's all a mistake! Get the money, Cresnic. Yeah, all of it. All right, all right. Why, it's... - It's gone! - What are you trying to pull, Cresnic? Where's our money? I don't know, you saw me put it in the safe. It should still be there. - You told us Walters was dead. - Well, I thought he was. I saw him in the morgue. It's a trick. Don't you see, it's all a trick? You've got to believe me. I don't know anything about this! There aren't too many women who can claim to being widowed twice by the same man. The distress call definitely came from one of the solar systems in this sector. Can you pinpoint it any closer, Lieutenant? Negative. It was so badly garbled all we got was the name Constellation. Sir ... we're now within the limits of System L-370, but I can't locate -- Captain, sensors show this entire solar system has been destroyed. Nothing left but rubble and asteroids. But that's incredible. The star in this system is still intact. Only a nova could destroy like that. Nonetheless, Captain, sensors show nothing but debris where we charted seven planets last year. Continue a search pattern. Aye-aye, sir. Entering limits of System L-374, sir. Scanners show the same evidence of destruction. Every solar system in this sector blasted to rubble. Still no sign of the Constellation. Matt Decker's in command. What could have happened to him? The two inner most planets of this system appear to be intact. Sir, a ship's disaster beacon. Try to raise it, Lieutenant. I have it on the sensors, Captain. By configuration -- a starship. Stopped in space. She appears to be drifting. No answer, Captain. All I get is the automatic beacon. Sensors not recording normal energy output. Approach course, Mr. Sulu. It's the Constellation. Look at that. She may have been wrecked by whatever destroyed these solar systems. She was attacked. Red alert! Red alert! Man your battle stations! Red alert! Red alert! Man your battle stations! Space -- the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission -- to explore strange new worlds ... to seek out new life and new civilizations ... to boldly go where no man has gone before. Mr. Sulu? All phaser banks manned and ready, sir. Initiate a full sensor scan for any other vessel. Aye, sir. I can't raise the Constellation, sir. I'm still getting the distress beacon, but there's heavy subspace interference. It's almost blocking the signal. Keep trying. Mr. Spock, full evaluation of the damage to the Constellation. All power plants dead, reserve energy banks operative at a very low power level. Life support systems? Also operative at a low power level. The entire bridge is damaged and uninhabitable. The rest of the ship seems able to sustain life. Radiation levels? Normal, but subspace interference makes readings difficult. No other vessels in the area. All scanners show clear. All hands go to yellow alert. Stand by battle stations. Lieutenant, have Dr. McCoy, Mr. Scott, and a damage control party report to me in the transporter room. We're going to board her. Mr. Spock, you're in command. Acknowledged. Radiation level normal. Atmospheric pressure 11 pounds per square inch. The filtration systems are out, sir. The whole communication system looks to be shorted out, too, sir. Scotty, check the phaser banks. See if they've been fired. Bones, come with me. Come along, lads. What a mess. No clutter, no half-empty cups of coffee. Whatever happened didn't happen without a warning. What do you think did it, sir? I don't know, lad. But I want a full structural and control damage check. I'm going to have a look at those engines. The crew wasn't abducted, they just left. Kirk to Enterprise. Enterprise, Spock here. No survivors, no bodies either. Could they have beamed down to one of the two planets? Improbable, Captain. The surface temperature of the inner planet's that of molten lead. The other's atmosphere is poisonous. We'll continue our search. Kirk out. Captain, I've checked the engines. The warp drive is a hopeless pile of junk. The impulse engines aren't too badly off. We ought to be able to do something with them. Phaser banks? Exhausted. They didn't give up without a battle. But where are they? I can't imagine a man like Matt Decker abandoning ship while his life support systems are still operative. Computer system is still intact. We can playback the duplicate Captain's Log. Matt. Matt. It's Jim Kirk. Commodore? Commodore Decker? Matt? Matt. Kirk. It's Jim Kirk. What happened to your ship, Matt? My ship ... Attacked! That - - That thing. What was it? That -- Answer me! What was it? What happened, Matt? Jim, give him a minute. He's in a state of shock. Ready with the duplicate log, sir. Go. [Matt Decker] Captain 's Log - - Star date 4202.1. Exceptionally heavy subspace interference still prevents our contacting Starfleet to inform them of the destroyed solar systems we have encountered. We are now entering system L-374. Science Officer Masada reports the fourth planet is breaking up. We are going to investigate. The fourth planet. Only two left now. Scotty, beam the micro tapes to Spock. I want a complete report of what happened when they went in on that planet. We tried to contact Starfleet. Uh, no one heard. No one! We couldn't run. What happened to your crew? I had to beam them down. We - - We were dead. No power, our phasers useless. I stayed behind, the last man. The captain, the last man aboard the ship. That's what you're supposed to do, isn't it? And then it hit again and the, uh, transporter went out. They were down there, and I'm - - I'm up here. What hit? What attacked you? They say there's no devil, Jim, but there is. Right out of hell, I saw it. Matt, where's your crew? On the third planet. There is no third planet. Don't you think I know that? There was, but not anymore. They called me. They begged me for help, 400 of them. I couldn't. I - - I couldn't. Captain, Washburn has our report. Go. We made a complete check on structural and control damage. As far as we can tell, something crashed through the deflectors and knocked out the generators. Somehow the antimatter in the warp drive pods has been deactivated. Deactivated? Scotty, could some kind of general energy dampening field do that, and would the same type of thing account for the heavy subspace interference? Aye, that all adds up. What thing could do all that? If you'd seen it, you'd know. The whole thing must be a weapon. What does it look like? Well, it's -- it's miles long, with a maw that could swallow a dozen starships. It destroys planets, chops them into rubble. What is it, an alien ship? Or is it alive -- Both or neither. I don't know. Matt, your log stated that the fourth planet was breaking up. You went in to investigate. We saw this thing hovering over the planet, slicing out chunks with a force beam. What kind of a beam? Pure antiproton. Absolutely pure. [Beep Beep] Kirk here. Spock here, Captain. Unable to raise Starfleet Command due to heavy subspace interference. Attempting to remedy. What about the Constellation's tapes? She was attacked by what appears to be essentially ... a robot, an automated weapon of immense size and power. Its apparent function is to smash planets to rubble and then digest the debris for fuel. It is, therefore, self-sustaining as long as there are planetary bodies for it to feed on. A robot weapon that purposely destroys entire solar systems. Why? Unknown, Captain. However, Mr. Sulu has computed the path of the machine, using the destroyed solar systems as a base course. Projecting back on our star charts, we find that it came from outside, from another galaxy. What is the projected course of this thing? If it follows its present path, it will go through the most densely populated section of our galaxy. Thank you. Stand by, Mr. Spock. Kirk out. This whole thing is incredible. A robot? A machine like that, who would build it? We don't know. An alien race, apparently from another galaxy. But why? Bones ... did you ever hear of a doomsday machine? No. I'm a doctor, not a mechanic. It's a weapon built primarily as a bluff. It's never meant to be used. So strong, it could destroy both sides in a war. Something like the old H-Bomb was supposed to be. That's what I think this is -- a doomsday machine that somebody used in a war uncounted years ago. They don't exist anymore, but the machine is still destroying. Oh, forget about your theories! That thing's on the way to the heart of our galaxy. What are you going to do? We're getting you back to the Enterprise. I'm not leaving my ship! It's a dead hulk! We'll take her in tow. I'll stay onboard and get her ready. Go back to the Enterprise with the doctor and let him help you. It's just that I - - I never lost a command before. Kirk to Enterprise. Have the transporter room beam Dr. McCoy and Commodore Decker onboard immediately. Red alert! Red alert! Come on. [Alarm Sounds] It came up on us fast, Captain, but we seem able to maintain our distance. We're blind here. What's it look like? It looks very much like Commodore Decker's planet killer. And it is pursuing us. We are more maneuverable, but it's gaining on us. Sensors indicate some kind of total conversion drive. No evidence of life, subspace interference level incredibly high. Whatever it is, we can't let it go beyond us to the next solar system. We have to stop it. If it's a robot, what are the chances of deactivating it? I would say none, Captain. The energy generated by our power cells attracts it. I doubt we could maneuver close enough without drawing a direct attack upon ourselves. I also believe the nature of this machine precludes the possibility of easy access to its control mechanisms. It's closing on us, Mr. Spock. Closing, Captain. Lower your deflector screens Long enough to beam us aboard. Acknowledged. Transporter Room, standby to beam landing party aboard. Ready to beam, sir. [Alarm Sounds] Evasive action, Mr. Sulu. Aye, sir. Damage report -- all stations. Mr. Spock, the transporter's out. Affect repairs. Captain Kirk, come in please. Kirk here. Captain, we've been attacked. Transporter is damaged. We're taking evasive action. Communication's damaged. We're unable to override interference. Damage in communications, Captain. Interference will -- [Static] Spock? Spock? Come in, Spock. Spock? [Static] We're stuck, blind, and deaf. And paralyzed. No power. Well, we just can't stand around while our ship is being attacked. Scotty, you've got to get me some maneuvering power. I can't repair the warp drive. Then get me impulse power -- half-speed, quarter-speed, anything. If we get this hulk moving, maybe we can do something. I might coax the impulse engines. Then get moving. Come on, lad. Washburn, you get in there. Let's see what we can do about this viewing screen. I've got to find out what's happening. No casualties, Mr. Spock. How are we doing? We have outrun it, Doctor. Status report. Impulse and warp engines operative, transporter and communications under repair. Random chance seems to have operated in our favor. In plain non-Vulcan English -- we've been lucky. I believe I said that, Doctor. It's veering off, back on course for the next solar system -- the Rigel colony, sir. Evidently programmed to ignore anything as small as a ship beyond a certain radius. We'll maintain a discreet distance and circle back to pick up the captain. You can't let that reach Rigel. Millions will die. I'm aware of the Rigel system's population, Commodore, but we are only one ship. Our deflector shields are strained, our subspace transmitter is useless. Logically, our primary duty is to survive in order to warn Starfleet Command. Our primary duty is to maintain life and safety of Federation planets. Do you deny that? Mr. Sulu, you will lay in an evasive course back to the Constellation. Aye-aye, sir. Belay that last order, Helmsman. 180-degree turn, hard about. We're going to attack. You will carry out my last order, Mr. Sulu. Mr. Spock, I'm officially notifying you that I'm exercising my option under regulations as a Starfleet commodore and I'm assuming command of the Enterprise. You have the right to do so, but I would advise against it. That thing must be destroyed. You tried to destroy it once before, Commodore. The result was a wrecked ship and a dead crew. I made a mistake then. We were too far away. This time I'm going to hit it with full phasers at pointblank range. Sensors show the object's hull is solid neutronium. A single ship cannot combat it. Mr. Spock, that will be all. You have been relieved of command. Don't force me to relieve you of duty as well. You can't let him do this, Spock. Doctor, you are out of line. So are you ... sir. Well, Spock? Unfortunately, Starfleet Order 104, Section B, leaves me no alternative. Paragraph 1-A clearly states -- To blazes with regulations! You can't let him take command when you know he's wrong! If you can certify Commodore Decker medically or psychologically unfit for command, I can relieve him under Section C. I'll certify that right now. You'll also be asked to produce your medical records to prove it. Now, you know I haven't had time to run an examination on him. Then your statement would not be considered valid. You may leave the bridge, Doctor. We can't leave the captain -- Doctor ... you may leave the bridge. Spock, do something! Mr. Spock knows his duty under regulations, Doctor. Do you? Hard about, Helmsman. Course... 32 degrees, mark 10. Deflectors at full power. Ready on main phaser banks. Aye-aye, sir. [Beep Beep] Kirk here. Captain, the impulse engines' control circuits are fused solid. What about the warp drive control circuits? We can cross-connect the controls, but it'll make the ship impossible for one man to handle. You worry about your miracles, I'll worry about mine. Aye, sir. Washburn, try the 2-G-6 circuit. Closing fast. Deflector shields at full power. They can't take much more of this. Helmsman, hold your course. Stand by all phaser banks. Aye-aye, sir. Deflectors holding, but weakening. We must retreat, Commodore. The energy drain -- I'm in command here, Mr. Spock. Maintain your course, Helmsman. Get us in closer. Ready to give it a try? Uh, just one minute, sir. Scotty, how you doing? Controls are all hooked up, sir. We should have some power for you soon. Try it now, Captain. Yes, I think -- What the hell is going on? Fire! Direct hit. Just ... bounced off. Commodore, I urgently recommend immediate withdrawal. Recommendation noted. Maintain course! Fire! Kirk to Enterprise. Come in. Enterprise, come in. Mr. Spock, come in. Kirk to Enterprise. Scotty, where's that power? Coming, sir. If I push these impulse engines too hard in their condition, they'll blow apart. Washburn, go down to Engineering. Assist Mr. Scott. Aye, sir. Scotty ... push it right to the edge. This ship has got to maneuver. Aye, sir. Sir, deflector shields are gone. Sir, Deck 7 reports power failure in main energizers. Implementing emergency procedures. [Explosion] Severe casualties reported on decks 3 and 4. Damage control party sealing off inner-hull rupture. [Explosion] [P.A. System] AG Section acknowledging. AG Section is stabilized. All decks, this is Bridge Engineering. We're in emergency condition three. Midship Control acknowledging. It has ceased fire. We're being held in a tractor beam. We're being pulled inside, Commodore. You must veer off. Maintain phaser fire, Helmsman. We've lost warp power. We must break the tractor beam within 60 seconds or else. But don't you understand? We've got to destroy it! That, sir, is illogical. It is suicide. Attempted suicide would be proof that you are psychologically unfit for command. Veer off, or I shall relieve you on that basis. Veer off! Emergency impulse power. We can't break loose! We need more power! We haven't got it! We're being pulled inside! Scotty. Give me that power. You've got just enough to move us. I can't do better. That'll do. Full ahead, Mr. Scott! [Engines Whine] [Engines Gain Power] That's it, Mr. Scott. Keep that power coming. Full power astern. Aye, sir. We still can't move. Keep pouring it on, Scotty. I still don't know what we're doing. We're moving. The Enterprise isn't. Maybe that thing will see us and let the Enterprise go. If I only had some phasers. Phasers. You've got 'em. I have one bank recharged. Scotty. You've just earned your pay for the week. Stand by. Fire phasers. We're loose, Commodore. Good boy, Jim. Between us, we'll kill that thing. Mr. Scott, it worked. Great. I think it's great. Scotty, get us out of here. It's closing fast on the Constellation. Standing by, sir. Commodore, I suggest -- Kirk pulled us out of there by distracting it. Now it's our turn. Fire phasers. We did it! Hard about. Give me some distance. We're moving away, Commodore. This machine seems to have a program-defensive sphere. Any energy source entering that field is subject to attack. Mr. Spock, status report. Warp drive and deflectors will be out for a solar day. Repairs proceeding on transporter and communications. It's closing with us again, sir. Maintain speed and distance. It's sucking in space rubble from those destroyed planets ... refueling it self. We can maintain this speed for only seven hours before we exhaust our fuel. But it can refuel itself indefinitely. We'll have to fight it now before it gains strength. Illogical. We cannot destroy it. Therefore, we cannot save Rigel. We must transport the captain and the others from the Constellation and escape this thing's subspace interference in order to warn Starfleet Command. Mr. Spock ... we've pierced the interference locally. Can you raise Starfleet? No, sir, but I've got ship-to-ship communications back. Picking up Captain Kirk. On audio, Lieutenant. Enterprise. Enterprise, come in. Mr. Spock, I am still in command. I will speak for this ship. Enterprise to Kirk. Commodore Decker speaking. Matt. What's going on? Give me Mr. Spock. I'm in command here, Jim. What happened to Spock? Nothing. I assumed command according to regulations, since your first officer was reluctant to take aggressive action -- You're the lunatic responsible for almost destroying my ship? You are speaking to a senior officer, Kirk. Give me Spock. I told you, I am in command here, according to every rule in the book, Captain. Anything you have to say, say to me. I just have this to say -- Get my ship out of there. Mr. Spock, ship status. Commodore. Down here. Warp drive out. Deflector shields down. Transporter under repair. We are on emergency impulse power. How long to repair warp drive? One solar day. At our present rate of consumption, we'll exhaust impulse power much earlier. It's gaining on us. Take evasive action, Mr. Sulu. I told you, I am in command here, and I will give the orders, Captain. We're going to turn and attack. Not with my ship, you don't. Mr. Spock, relieve Commodore Decker immediately. That's a direct order. You know you can't relieve me according to regulations. Blast regulations! Mr. Spock, I order you to assume command on my personal authority as captain of the Enterprise. Commodore Decker, you are relieved of command. I don't recognize your authority to relieve me! You may file a formal protest with Starfleet Command, assuming we survive to reach a star base. But you are relieved. Commodore. I do not wish to place you under arrest. You wouldn't dare. You're bluffing. Vulcans never bluff. No. No, I don't suppose they do. Very well, Mr. Spock. The bridge is yours. Captain, I've assumed command. Good. Now, Mr. Spock -- One moment, sir. Commodore. I believe you're scheduled for medical examination. Mr. Montgomery. Sir. You will accompany the commodore to Sick Bay. Aye, sir. Commodore? Mr. Sulu, change course. 7-0 mark 2-1. Mark 21, sir. Captain, we are taking an evasive course back to you. We'll try to stay ahead of the object until we can transport you aboard. Just make sure you stay ahead of it. [Cough] Captain Kirk. Yes, Scotty. I've hooked in ship's communication. The best I can give you on impulse is 1/3 power. The shields are up but won't last long. Keep it going, Scotty, keep it going. Mr. Spock. Yes, sir. I'm plotting an intercept course. Will rendezvous with you at 14:13.7 hours. [Beep Beep] Mr. Spock, someone's opening the shuttlecraft bay doors. Shut them, Mr. Sulu. Too late, sir. Kirk to Enterprise. Why are you launching a shuttlecraft? Whoever it is, Captain, has no authorization. Lieutenant, raise the shuttlecraft. Enterprise to Shuttlecraft. Come in, Shuttlecraft. Enterprise to Shuttlecraft. Come in, Shuttlecraft. Come in, Shuttlecraft. Shuttlecraft to Enterprise. Decker here. Commodore. I must insist that you return to the ship. You said it yourself, Spock -- there is no way to blast through the hull of that machine, so I'm going to take this thing right down its throat. This is Kirk. Matt, you'll be killed. I've been prepared for death ever since I -- ever since I killed my crew. Don't die for an error in judgment. The commander is responsible for the lives of his crew ... and for their deaths. Well ... I should have died with mine. You cannot succeed, Commodore. Your only logical alternative is to return to the ship. Matt. Matt, listen to me. You can't throw your life away like this. Matt, you're a starship commander. That makes you a valuable commodity. We need you ... your experience, your judgment. Matt! We're stronger with you than without you! He's gone. Constellation, come in, please. Captain Kirk, come in, please. Kirk here. Sir. May I offer my condolences on the death of your friend. It is most regrettable. It's regrettable that he died for nothing. Mr. Spock, sensors indicate a minute drop in the machine's power emanations. Do you think the shuttlecraft explosion might have done some damage? [Kirk] What about that, Spock? Is it possible? Drop in power is definite, Captain ... but negligible. The object is still pursing us, thereby causing us to drain our power reserve at a much greater rate. Mr. Spock, the transporter is now operational. Transporter operational, Captain. Shall we beam you aboard? Negative. Mr. Scott and I will stay here, but beam the damage control party aboard. There's little to be gained by staying aboard the Constellation. Except possibly ... the destruction of that thing out there. Carry out your orders. Acknowledged. Transporter Room. Beam damage control party aboard. Aye-aye, sir. Spock, listen. Maybe Matt Decker didn't die for nothing. He had the right idea but not enough power to do it. Am I correct in assuming that a fusion explosion of 97 megatons will result if a starship impulse engine is overloaded? No, sir. 97.835 megatons. 97.835. Will it be powerful enough to destroy that thing out there? Negative, Captain. Its hull is pure neutronium. There is no known way of blasting through it. Not through it, Spock. From inside it. Will it be enough? Insufficient data. I shall try to take further sensor readings. Do your best. Make it fast. Kirk to Scott. Here, sir. The damage control party Just beamed back to the Enterprise. Good. Scotty ... can you set the ship's impulse engines to overload? Aye. In her shape, it's hard to keep her from blowing. Rig a 30-second delay detonation device. Rig it so that it can be blown from up here. Aye, sir. Set it and get up here fast. Right away. Captain? The object's neutronium hull makes sensor readings of the inner mechanism impossible. Spock, you don't know? Correct. Captain, you're getting dangerously close to the planet killer. I intend to get a lot closer. I'll ram her right down that thing's throat. Jim ... you'll be killed ... Just like Decker. No. No, I don't intend to die, Mr. Spock. We've rigged a delay detonation device. You'll have 30 seconds to beam me aboard the Enterprise before the Constellation's impulse engines blow. Your chances of survival are not promising. We don't even know if the explosion will be powerful enough. A calculated risk, Mr. Spock. There's another factor, Captain. The transporter is not working at 100% efficiency. 30 seconds is very slim timing. A chance I'll have to take. Kirk out. A cranky transporter's a mighty finicky piece of machinery to be gambling your life on, sir. What about the detonator? I've linked it in with the impulse control system. It's armed now. Press this one -- 30 seconds later ... poof! Once it's activated, there's no way to stop it. Understood. Mr. Spock. Prepare to beam Scotty onboard. Transporter, standby. Good luck, Captain. Thank you. What's the matter with that thing? It's a power drain somewhere, sir. I almost lost you. It'll never work like this. It's the main junction circuitry. I'll get it. Bridge. Transporter malfunction. Transporter is out, Captain. You'll have to stand by. I can't. Power level's dropping too fast. Hurry. Acknowledged. Mr. Scott. Speed is of the essence. [Electrical Crackling] He's 2,000 miles from the planet killer and closing fast. [Crackling] Bridge, transporter operational, but this jury-rigging won't last for long. Get him off now. I'll stand by here. 1,500 miles and closing. Captain, transporter operational, but just barely. Prepare to beam me aboard on my signal. 1,000 miles and closing. Transporter, stand by. Standing by, sir. 500 miles and closing. Beam me aboard. Energize. Energizing. Bridge, it's shorted out again. Bonkers. What's wrong with it? Gentlemen ... beam me aboard. We can't, Captain. Transporter is out again. Mr. Scott. 20 seconds to detonation. Mr. Scott? Mr. Scott. Try inverse phasing. 60 ... 50 ... 40 ... 30 ... I suggest you beam me aboard. 10 ... 9 ... 8 ... - 7 ... - Mr. Scott? 6 ... Try her now, Mr. Kyle. 5 ... 4 ... Bridge! We got him through! Energy output ... zero. Radiation level ... normal. Welcome aboard, Captain. Sensors show all energy sources deactivated. It's quite dead. Mr. Sulu ... ease us back to minimum headway. Conserve power as much as possible. Lieutenant Palmer, tell Mr. Scott to expedite repairs on the warp drive. Poor Matt. He gave his life in an attempt to save others. Not the worst way to go. Indeed, Captain. I presume your log will show Commodore Decker died in the line of duty. Indeed it shall, Mr. Spock. Ironic, isn't it? Way back in the 20th century, the H-Bomb was the ultimate weapon -- their doomsday machine. We used something like it to destroy another doomsday machine. Probably the first time such a weapon has ever been used for constructive purposes. Appropriate, Captain. However, I can't help wondering if there are any more of those "weapons" wandering around the universe. Well, I certainly hope not. I found one quite sufficient. The time is now 2100 hours, and all is well. [ Rumbling ] Warning! Warning! Warning! Warning! Warning! Warning! Warning! Warning! - [ John ] It's a comet! - [ Robot ] You are correct, Professor Robinson. I have additional information. Don't keep it to yourself. Let's have it. The orbit of this planet is highly eccentric. - Its properties are also chemically unstable. - Meaning? That its present speed and flight path... indicate that this planet and the comet... are on a collision course. - A collision course? With what? - Use your eyes, Dr. Smith. Gosh! It's a comet! And heading this way! - [ Dr. Smith ] We must prepare for catastrophe. - No. For immediate departure. - And within an hour. - Oh, good heavens! I can already feel the heat. All right. We've already been briefed on emergency liftoff procedures. - Let's get going. - [ Judy ] I'll start packing. Don. You better help me with the weather station equipment, Dr. Smith. - But I'm not dressed. - [ Robot ] Dr. Smith... in times of emergency, one may dispense with formal attire. Launch time is T-minus 50 and counting. All set except power check and ignition. Now, if that comet's orbit will stay put long enough for us to get clear-- [ Sighs ] The only thing that'll change it is the gravitational pull of this planet. Not much we can do about that. Robot, report. Robot secured in magnetic lock. Launch time T-minus one minute... and counting. - [ John ] Maureen. - Yes, dear. Final check. Harness safety? Yes. Harness safety go. All right. Now, to get free of that comet's pull... we're gonna maintain escape velocity until further notice. That means harnesses on until further notice. Right. We're- - We're all set. Ten seconds. Nine, eight... - [ Warbling ] - seven, six-- Comet, comet, go away. Come again another day. [ Robot ] ...three, two... one, zero. - Ignition. - Power on. - I can't shake it. - Well, try full retro. It's no go. It's still with us. Getting closer. Well, then there's just one other chance. Full forward thrust. We've gotta try to build up enough inertial drive to swing over it. Full forward thrust. I don't know how much longer we can last. We're burning up. Let's try retro. No. We maintain full forward thrust until we've built up enough inertial drive. I need water. I need air. I'm shriveling. I'm parched. My hands are withering before my eyes. Dr. Smith, you stay right where you are. [ Coughs ] For the information of anyone who cares... my seams have begun to melt. [ Coughs ] We've got to pull up! Hold it. Now! [ Sighs ] You know something? I think we made it. [ Sighs ] Oh. I think we deserve a break. Come on. Yeah. I'll be right with you. - [ Grunts ] - Missed. Ah. I guess we're out of the danger zone now, although it was exciting while it lasted. It could have been the end for all of us, and you call it exciting. - You know what I mean. - Penny, Will, want to see something interesting? - Sure. - Look. - [ Will ] Oh, it's a supernova. - [ Penny ] Is it dangerous? Right now it's just exciting, but if it gets too close, it could burn us up. - Hey, come on. I'm hungry. - Oh, you. You know, I thought we'd never get this galley going again. - We thought that way about the whole ship. - [ Chuckles ] - You were both wonderful. - Not heroic? Well, let me think about that. - Would you like some coffee? - Yeah. - Yeah, thanks. - Oh, good. Come on, kids. You're just in time. I've got some cookies and milk here for you. And as I cast these words adrift into space... I hope and pray that you, whoever you may be... astral traveler or cosmic benefactor... will find them and deliver me... from the virtual captivity in which I find myself. You are planning to cast yourself adrift, Dr. Smith? Not me. This, you bumbling cracker barrel. Stand aside, clumpety clump. "Pressurize. Depressurize. Inside hatch. Outside hatch." All these buttons are so confusing. Ah, yes. Would you like me to cross my sensors for you, Dr. Smith? I prefer to rely on the winds of chance, not superstition. Now let me see. "Depressurize." Now the outside hatch. Adieu, little spool. In space you will roam. Dr. Smith is a prisoner a long way from home. It's floating but not moving out. The reason is obvious, Dr. Smith. It will require a gentle push to send it into space. Warning! Warning! Do not-- [ Screams ] - Losing pressure on the upper deck! - [ Beeping ] - Thank you. - What went wrong? It's the air lock. It's been behaving in the most abnormal manner. I thought I heard the Robot warning him. Alas, poor Robot. I knew him, Judy. My bosom companion. A fellow of the driest wit. Dad, look! According to Smith, that's the result of an abnormal air lock. - An abnormal Smith. - We're losing him. What do we do? Go on or go after him? John, I think you'll be taking a big chance if you do. We can't just leave him out there. I'll suit up. Give me some of your fanciest retro-control. All right, John. He's all yours. But make it fast. Getting awfully close to that supernova. I'm looking at it. Robot seems to be accelerating toward it. It's drawing him into it. I can't keep up with him. Good luck. Are you sure you're pressing the right button, William? It would be dreadful if those buttons play the same trick on you as they did on me. Buttons don't play tricks, Dr. Smith. You must have done something wrong. [ Whirring ] How could it have happened? What an insidious trick of fate. Shut up, Smith. Line's too short. Give me some more forward thrust. You don't have much time, John. That supernova's getting too close for comfort. - Come on, Dad. - Oh, John. Give me another burst. [ Button Clicks ] Just a few more feet. Hit it, Don. All you've got! - [ Rocket Fires ] - That's the works. I've got him! - [ All ] Oh! - Oh, good! Now hit your retros. We've gotta pull away from that nova. Hang on, everyone. Retros aren't having any effect. Whatever's got the Robot's got us too. - Oh, no! - [ Maureen ] I think you'd better tell him to come in. John, listen. We're getting some kind of magnetic pull from the supernova. The retro-thrust won't pull us away. You'd better get back. [ Screams ] [ Will ] Don! Dad's tie line! It's gonna break! [ Judy ] We're going to lose them both! - Isn't there anything we can do? - John, listen. Your tie line's going. You've got to let go. [ Maureen ] Oh, he let go. - John, come in now. - Yes. Come on, Dad. Hurry! - Come on in, Dad. - Hurry! Coming in. Stand by the air lock. Poor old Robot. I almost feel responsible. John, you've got to hurry. That supernova's right on top of us. Oh. - Oh! Oh! - [ Will ] He's in! [ Shouting ] [ Yelling ] Hit the port side thrusters! It may give us some left-axis drag. - No go. The magnetic pull of the nova's too strong for us. - Well, hit the emergency power! Everybody into your helmets. We may lose pressure at any moment. [ Yelling ] You mean abandon ship? But we have no lifeboats. Your space suit's your lifeboat, Dr. Smith. Here's your helmet, Dad. S.O.S. S.O.S. We're being torn apart! Abandon ship! - Here, Dr. Smith! - [ Crash ] Close the port view blinders. - Oxygen supply will be kept at minimum output. - [ Screams ] We've stopped tumbling. Well, where are we? Deep in some space void with no power to take us through. Caught between the devil and the deep black space. You're welcome to abandon ship anytime you want, Smith. [ Dr. Smith ] Never let it be said that Zachary Smith... is not willing to share the fate of all. [ Beeping ] John, you'd better check this radar. Seems to be something out there. [ Beeping ] Might be matter from that nova. Maybe it's the Robot. He might have been pulled in here too. Well, there's one way to find out. [ Judy ] Another spaceship. What a dark and depressing object. - It cannot be friendly. - [ Will ] It's getting closer. Yeah, but it's not coming to us. We're going to it. Look, it's going around us. We're being pulled in magnetically. I think we're getting a live signal. This is the Jupiter 2. Who are you? Maybe they'll help us with some spare parts. It's coming around again. We're making a complete circle. We're gonna crash! Give us all the retro power you've got left. Maybe we'll cushion the impact that way. That's it. We're out of power. All right! Hold tight! [ Screaming ] - Oh, John. - Are you all right? Yes. I think I'm all in one piece. Doomed. We're doomed. Oh, really, Dr. Smith. Can't you use some other word? "Doomed" is so final. The only other word I can think of is extinction. [ Knocking ] Get me a gun. [ Knocking Continues ] The rest of you stand back. Your precautions are unnecessary, Professor Robinson. - It is only I. - Come in. - [ Judy ] Hey, it's the Robot. - [ All ] The Robot! - Gee, Robot, we didn't think we'd ever see you again. - Yeah, what happened? Like you, I was drawn through the supernova by the magnetic pull of the alien ship. High time you got back here, you negligent ninny. Deserting the ship when all hands were needed. Speaking of hands, may I? This ship we're on, Robot-- Can you tell us something about it? A meager amount. The Jupiter's lower hatch will give you ingress... into the upper hatch of the vehicle on which we are presently located. The atmosphere within said vehicle will support... terrestrial life for a limited time. - That is all. - Well, we're more interested in finding out... whether or not there's any propulsion equipment... that we could salvage to put to use in the Jupiter, Robot. - I have no data on that. - Is there any form of life down there? I have no data on that either. "No data"? "No data"? Indeed! What are you, a mynah bird? - Do I look like a mynah bird? - Bah! All right. Don and I are going down to have a look. Chances are we won't be able to communicate with each other... so the Robot will stand guard on the lower deck till we return... which should be in about, uh, 30 minutes. John. [ Sighs ] Nothing. It's just my female anxiety showing. - On you it looks marvelous. - [ Chuckles ] [ Whirring, Beeping ] Frost. [ John ] They're frozen. - [ Don ] There must be hundreds of them throughout the ship. - Yeah. [ Whirring ] [ Male Voice On P.A.] You have penetrated too far. You are instructed to step on this pedestal. You will henceforth be designated-- You will henceforth be designated... as 210703, alpha blue section. All required directives will be instructed into you during the first freezing period. First freezing period? Do not attempt to speak. You were given that opportunity before you were sentenced here. Sentenced? This must be some kind of automated prison ship. With a few electrodes loose. Prisoner 210703... alpha blue section, secure. All hatches secure. [ Screams ] Must be some kind of deep freeze regulator. [ Bells Ringing ] [ Ringing Continues ] [ Ringing Stops ] Do you think he'll understand if we question him? Where do we find the warden? We want to find the warden-- the headman. No hear, no see, no speak. The warden's office. Except the warden's a computer. This entire ship has been automated from stem to stern. By freezing the prisoners, no hunger strikes, riots or escapes to worry about. They've also frozen their time-lapse chronometer. Or maybe it just stopped working. In which case, those poor devils are liable to remain here forever. Well, from what we've seen of the layout, the propulsion unit should be forward. We ought to be able to get something out of there. You should know more now than you did before about what's down there, Robot. A mere soupçon, Will Robinson. Oh, come on. Don't go all French on me. Just give me the facts. I sense the presence of Major West and Professor Robinson below... but not their precise location. Well, I know that. What else? - A kindred spirit. - A what? A robot. However, his programming and mine are worlds apart. Is there anything new? Just that there's another robot down there. - I'm sure he's an improvement on our model. - Hmm! Dr. Smith, we've gotta go down there and warn Dad and Don. I couldn't agree more. You, sir, go below. Dr. Smith, you can't let him go down there alone. If he goes, you're gonna have to go with him. I suppose it would be a kind of adventure. But I'd hate to deprive you of the opportunity. We'll match for it. - Raisin or plain? - I'll take raising. Plain. You go. But you won. I did. So I did. - But I thought-- - It's all right. I'll go. Come on, Robot. Just a moment, William. Perhaps I'd better go with you. Your mother will say I encouraged you if I let you go alone. Okay. Stand aside. Dr. Smith. Come here. Look at this. Come along. [ Robot ] Stand aside. Not bad for an unimproved model. Huh! Bah! [ Screams ] There is no need for alarm, Dr. Smith. You are in the presence of alien felons... who have been frozen while they serve their time. They are harmless for the moment. [ Will ] Do you have any idea how long they've been here, Robot? The period of their sentence is indicated on those pedestal dials. However, it is my computation... that there is a faulty circuit in the timing system. The clocks have been stopped for hundreds of years. Well, with the clocks stopped, they'll be here forever. Forever is a long time. Follow me, Will Robinson. Listen. You think that'll alert our silent guard? No, I think he's just programmed to watch prisoners. Hey. Just what the doctor ordered for our ailing Jupiter. - How about that? - How about this? What do you think would happen if we borrowed this? I'd say there'd be at least two backup systems to replace it. - Seeing there's no one we can ask, what are we waiting for? - Tools. Oh. Golly. There sure are a lot of prisoners on this ship. The actual count, Will Robinson, is 9,874. I am picking up vibrations that Professor Robinson came this way. [ Screams ] What possible harm could there be in a man who plays cat's cradle? Poor devil. But I'm not much better off than he is really. Be of good cheer, my frosty friend. There. Your turn. [ Grunting ] Ah. [ Screams ] - Have I frightened you, master? - Out of my wits! I'm sorry. I did not mean it. I didn't want to harm you, master. The cat's cradle. It's biting into my neck! It is? Oh, how sorry it makes me, master. [ Moaning ] Look at me. Do I look like one who would commit a crime? - Huh? - [ Screams ] - No! No! - Innocent as the day I was born. As gentle as the day is long. Harmless, tender, a prince of virtue. Not unjust that I should be condemned for another's crime? Yes, yes! Terribly unjust! It was, of course, a case of mistaken identity. [ Chuckles ] They thought like another criminal looks like Phanzig. - And I can prove that. - You can? How? If only I could speak to the members of the prison board... because I know that I could prove my innocence. But the moment I step off this pedestal, it will alert the guard... and he is one who listens only to his own words. And he will prevent me from pleading my cause. Help me, master! Help me! I can't! Oh! But I don't know how. I'm really a stranger here, you know. Express only your willingness. No! You will not stir until I return? I won't move. I promise you. Because if you step off this pedestal, it will alert the guard... and he might very well condemn you to frozen sleep. [ Chuckles ] [ Cackles ] Violence to the right of me. Violence to the left of me. I can't stand it! [ Bells Ringing ] What's that? It is an alarm. A prisoner has escaped. I sure wish we could find Dr. Smith. I don't know what could have happened to him. [ Ringing Continues ] - [ Will ] Look! It's the prisoner! - Run, Will Robinson. [ Ringing Continues ] - [ Whispers ] What about him? - He is the... - Shh! - responsibility of the robot guard. Our primary objective is to find Professor Robinson and Major West. - And Dr. Smith. - Oh, yes. How could I forget him? [ Ringing Continues ] I don't know whether that's meant for us, but the sooner we get out of here, the better. - Yeah. I'll take these. You get the rest. - Okay. Don! Don! Don! Don! [ Screams ] No. Please. Don't kill me. Kill you, master? Wherever did you get such an idea? Just because you deserted your post? [ Grunts ] But I can explain. Oh, Mr. Phanzig, it's very tight! - [ Ringing Continues ] - Those alarm bells-- Tell me, master, do you think there is a way to keep them from ringing? Yes. Yes. The pedestal. [ Cackles ] Splendid idea. Then I will go with you. [ Groans ] [ Dr. Smith Groans ] No! No, please! Oh, no. Oh, no, please, Mr. Phanzig. No! No. Not back on there. It's so cold. You would like to prove your loyalty to me, wouldn't you, master? - Why, yes, yes, of course. - Then-- [ Shouts ] [ Ringing Stops ] Oh! Oh, no, Mr. Phanzig. It's so cold. I'm very d-d-delicate, you know. I might catch a chill. [ Chuckles ] I shall make it quick and painless for you, master. Cheer up. It is not as though it was forever. Oh, no! It is f-f-for-- forever. The r-regulating clock-- It's b-b-b-broken. - It stopped. - You touch me, master. Right here. No, wait! Wait! We can make a d-deal! I'm a space traveler. I have a spaceship. We- - We could escape. Spaceship? You have a spaceship here, master? - You are indeed a loyal fellow. - [ Sneezes ] Oh, was it too cold for you, master? - Much too cold. - Yeah. What a shame. Spaceship. Spaceship. [ Chuckles ] And all the time I thought you were just another one of the prisoners. In a matter of speaking, Mr. Phanzig... I am a prisoner. Unjustly incarcerated. Like you. [ Chuckles ] Is that the truth? Prison walls, prison walls. How well I know that feeling. Allow me to introduce myself, Mr. Phanzig. I am Dr. Zachary Smith. What was your crime, Zachary? Crime? I'm as innocent of wrongdoing... as you are, Mr. Phanzig. [ Chuckles ] Then, Zachary... we shall indeed be friends. - [ Knocking ] - [ John ] Open this door! - Dad, is that you? - [ Knocking Continues ] - Dad! - Will. - How did you get down here? - Same way you did, I guess. You got the engine parts. Yes, they'll have to wait. Right now we've gotta find Don. Dad, we've gotta find Dr. Smith too. Doctor-- Why not? We repeat the question. What is your number? And I repeat the answer. I don't have a number. Why do you persist in trying to deceive us? On this vessel there are prisoners only. No others. Again, what is your number? For your information, I'm not a prisoner. I'm a space traveler. The prisoner is being too imaginative. Records do not lie. I'm one of the exceptions that proves that they do! Guard, report. [ Whirring ] The guard says your number is... A39BQ164Z09. Your name is Phanzig. Your birthplace is the planet Verrah. Tried, found guilty... and sentenced to the frozen sleep for 200 years. You attempted to escape, which you should know is impossible. Have you anything to say in your defense? Plenty. My name's West. I was born on the planet Earth. And the only reason that I'm here is to borrow some spare propulsion equipment... for our ship the Jupiter 2! Silence! Silence! Silence! - Phanzig! Phanzig! - Can't you understand? Your automated system's all fouled up! Your clock stopped years ago! You don't know what you're doing or where you're going! Contempt! Contempt! Take the prisoner away! His sentenced will be doubled. Sentence will be doubled. Sentence will be doubled. Doubled. Doubled. Doubled. You and me, Zachary. There must be a way to break out of here... get to your spaceship, and fly back to Verrah. No, no, Mr. Phanzig, old boy. Not Verrah. Earth. - Verrah! - Earth. Ah. Well, perhaps we might make a short stopover at Verrah, wherever that is. But I must tell you, Mr. Phanzig... I happen to be in a position to grant all of you an official parole. Once we return to Earth. Parole? I should have been due for parole in the year-- That clock won't tell you anything. That's what I tried to communicate to you. That clock is broken. It's been broken for 200 years. 200 years? That's when I should have been freed. Right there. Him! He should have been freed. All of us should have been freed! Come on, Zachary. Get the club. - [ Bells Ringing ] - We are taking over this entire brig! [ Bells Ringing ] - They made him a prisoner! - They think he is a prisoner. The one who escaped. Don. Don, can you hear me? [ Ringing Continues ] Don! [ Laughing ] [ Sneezes ] It's cold! I'm freezing! On to the bridge, comrades! On to the bridge! - No. This way! - To the control room! [ Sneezes ] Don. Don! - Don. - My name is West. I was born on the planet Earth. Don. - What happened? - They were conditioning you for freezing. - Oh. - How do you feel? Like a fugitive from the Ice Age. - How'd they get here? - We'll talk about that later. Right now we'd better get those spare parts and head back to the Jupiter. Warning! Warning! - [ Men Yelling ] - [ Man ] Come on! Let's go! Let's get 'em! Let's get 'em! Off to one side, you stoolies. - We're tearing it apart. - [ All Yelling ] Dr. Smith! Tear it apart. What's happening? What are you trying to do? He's one of us. We are taking over this entire brig. - You can't do that! - Hush, William. Hush. I've explained that when we reach Earth they'll be granted amnesty. But, Dr. Smith, they're prisoners. [ Phanzig ] Not anymore. We are free men. - Come on, men. On to the bridge! - [ All ] On to the bridge! Don't come any closer. - You're looking for trouble? - No, but you are. And that goes for you too, Smith. I represent these men as legal counsel... and I'm happy to say that they're willing to die for their cause. - [ Chuckles ] Tell him, Zachary. - Dying won't help anything. Nor will violence. We've got to find a way to repair the system, not destroy it. No! We have waited long enough. And that clock-- that's what did it. Come on, men. Let's tear it to pieces! [ All Yelling ] Stop it! If you destroy this clock, you'll blow up the entire ship! - That clock has cheated us of hundreds of years. - [ Chattering ] This clock has been frozen. I think I can fix it. - [ All ] No! - No! Break it down! Break it up! What about those other men in there? There must be thousands of them. This is the only way they'll ever get out alive. Give me one minute. [ All ] No! Oh, what is one minute after 200 years? [ Chuckles ] It is yours. Shh. Shh. [ Chattering Softly ] Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. [ Click, Whirring ] [ Gasping, Chattering ] Prisoners aboard the prison ship Verrah Castle... your term of imprisonment is now ended. - [ Cheering ] - It is the hope of the prison authorities... that you will now resume your place... as useful citizens of your communities. You will report to Bay Z9... for a change of clothing... and the funds which will enable you to make a new start. Good luck to you all. The prison ship Verrah Castle will shortly be homeward bound. [ Cheering ] I want to thank you from my heart... on behalf of my men and myself. You did a beautiful job. [ Screams ] No, no! No! He's going to freeze me. What is he doing? His sensors indicate that there is only one unrehabilitated criminal type left... and that is you. Explain to him. Make him let me go. - [ Beeping ] - [ Whirring ] - What is he saying? - He said, "You will be back. They all come back." [ Laughing ] Zachary. Good luck, Mr. Phanzig-- on your new start. New start? Thanks, Mr. Phanzig. [ All Laughing ] - Dr. Smith, look. - [ Yells ] That alien propulsion unit seems to be working just fine. - Any chance of a star fix? - Mm-mmm. Not likely till we regain our original flight path. Keep her on course. I'll get the star charts. [ Dr. Smith ] And there I was-- [ Sneezes ] trapped in a grisly chamber of horrors with no hope of-- [ Sneezes ] rescue. But my ready wit and resourcefulness... not to mention my personal courage, came to my aid. And I was able to take control of a situation... - which might have spelled disaster. - Warning! Warning! - Warning! - Will you stop that, you nervous ninny! There is an object in full view on the starboard bow. [ Robot ] Stand by for collision. Maybe it's a message from a shipwrecked astronaut. You might be right about that, Son. Uh, Smith, why don't you suit up and go on out there and get it? Uh, you do know how to work that air lock, don't you? I suggest that we forget it, Professor, and proceed on our appointed-- [ Sneezes ] [ All ] Bless you. DON'T COUNT ON YOUR FINGERS Defeated. Defeated but not vanquished. The man of today must maintain fashions rhythm and variations. Don't let sand pile up behind your door. You'll gain more than 50% in interior space. And don't forget that for us, you are the most important thing. HER: Do you love me? HIM: I love you. HER: As much as before? HIM: As always. HER: Then from now on I will call you Neptune and my name will be that of a fish. Unfold a map under the rain. Take the words "to leave". In front of them place "I would like". Now you have "I would like to leave" Attention! There is an error in this scene. Can you find it? The order prohibiting Carnival Festivals is dated February 3, 1937, and it is still in force. - Is that true? - No, it's not true, but if you repeat it often enough, a falsehood becomes an afirmation. But if you repeat it often enough, a falsehood becomes an afirmation. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9... Elisabeth! At the zenith we have the quadrilateral of Draco and the Ursa Major. Level with the horizon is the Charioteer, whose brightest star is to the North. To the East is the Swan, and to the south Andromeda and Perseus... Civilization? Nature? There is no civilization without anyone to enjoy it. There is no civilization without anyone to enjoy it. Obey us in everything and you will not be responsible for anything. IT'S THE BEST, SCIENCE HAS SAID SO, AND I DON'T LIE. At the zenith is the Charioteer. To the left, Perseus, Cassiopeia, Andromeda and Pegasus. We see again the Ursa Minor with Polaris, Draco and the Swan. To the right, Ursa Major and, partly, Leo, the rest of which we see to the left. Can you tell a flash of lightning from a bolt of lightning? Can you tell a flash of lightning from a bolt of lightning? What a fortunate reversal. Seconds before the end, nobody thought we could score that goal. Galileo invented the lightning rod. Franklin invented the telescope. Montgolfier invented the submarine. Monturiol invented the balloon. Edison invented dynamite. Nobel... invented the cinema. Military draft card. If the conscript joins the "Meeting Center" he will delete "directly to his destination". At the Meeting Center, the conscript will receive further instructions to continue on to his final destination. Individuals who lose this document and do not report it to the chief or competent authority within a month's time, will be committed to up to two months of open arrest. Articles 416 and 417 of the Military Code of Justice. It never rains so much without stopping. How nice to grow old with nobody watching! Yes, madam. Yes, madam. Yes, madam. Yes, madam. Yes, madam. Yes, sir. Yes, madam. Yes, madam. Yes, madam. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Horsewhip with a square lash. Striking force: 142.530 kgs. Flat or rectangular lashed whip. Striking force: 73.300 kgs. - Flat or round lashed whip. Striking force: 66.870 kgs. - Square lashed whip. Striking force: 51.350 kgs. - Round handled whip. Striking force: 30.200 kgs. - School whipping rod. Striking force: 2.300 kgs. Round or conical whips Round or conical whips are more painful than square or rectangular shaped whips and they are a maximum of 7mm. wide, 4mm. thick and 1.10m. to 1.20m. long. In this manner, a whip with a lightweight handle is sufficient to achieve its objective. Very emphatic. - Not below. - Sustained. - Above, yes. - More reclined. Not below. - Lively. - Above, yes. Slow. Not below. And when the projector is turned off, only a white screen remains. A GEORGIA-FILM Studio Production The beautiful nature of man can never die Vazha Pshavela O Lord, my plea, I pray, please heed, The only one I'm affecting: I beg, don't let me just live and breed, Betraying you, myself rejecting. May madman's temper be wild and crude And soul know but the miracles' rule, Appealing and thirsting for the good May never be quenched to the full. The prudence and the piece of mind May never come to me, not ever. And only in the throes of night To grow the sprouts ofjoy may I endeavor. Whenever my soul is afire, My mind at once would spread its wing, And only then freedom will triumph In me and celebrate its win. May Your all-powerful hand Protect me, keep me in Your fold, Until my way misfortune is sent And punish me with the graveyard cold. And only when your peace you'll find, Return a star to the firmament, Fish - to the whirlpool of a river bend, Return my dust to earth, My spirit to eternity, To father and mother - their child! THE PLEA Based upon the poems of VAZHA PSHAVELA Screenplay by A. SALUKVADZE R. KVESELAVA, T. ABULADZE Directed by Tengiz ABULADZE Director of Photography Alexander ANTIPENKO Production Designer R. MURZASHVILI Music by N. GABUNIYA English Subtitles by T. Kameneva Cast: Khvtisya - Spartak BAGASHVILI Maiden - Rusudan KIKNADZE Matsil - Ramaz CHKHIKVADZE Aluda - Tengiz ARCHVADZE Mutsal - Geidar PALAVANDISHVILI Dzhokhola - Otar MEGVINETUKHUTSESI Zviadauri - Zurab KAPIANIDZE Agaza - Nana KAVTARADZE Master, give me shelter. Give shelter to a traveler. A lonely, homeless traveler. Come in, come in, good soul. Help you God. How can I refuse you shelter? Oh God, who are you? I know you. I talked to you many times, but I've never had the honor of seeing you. You're my earthly God... Am I worthy of your attention, of your love? No, I am not, yet I'm happy about it. What do you want, you damned one? What do you want from me? Why are you poisoning my heart and soul? Go away, get out. I don't want to see you. You're evil, you're the devil. You may say what you like. Your cursing doesn't bother me. My nature is strong and unchanging. Didn't you understand yet that you'd never win over me? Life is like a good lump of fat. Cut off a piece and enjoy it. Don't forget, nothing is permanent in this world, everything ends. But... man's aspirations, his thoughts, feelings, love, hate - everything life consists of, lull the realization of a near end, of the fact that all is vanity. But you can't understand that. What you're about is poison. There it goes again: Whenever I tell the truth, you think it's poison. You're mine. Mine. Only mine. No one will ever tear you off from these strong paws. I'm alive as long as you're alive. If everything you're telling us is true, then how is our community going to live? You say that killing animals and felling trees is a sin. Why consider it a sin if God has given it all to man? Cutting trees, picking grasses, killing cattle - you feel sorry for it, but you don't feel sorry when killing a man, even if he's your enemy? What shall we do, then, to those who trample on our land, kidnap our wives and debase our holy faith? A horseman burst into their stead, And shouted: "The Kistins, scoundrels, They plunder our land And take our horses to the mountains!" Aluda of the family of Ketelauri, By nature was a fair man, Besides, he was a Khevsur man, Brave and enduring. No few Kistins he caused to miss A hand on the battlefield. A coward, he has no enemies. It's only a hero has of them a whole guild. Well, how about it, you treacherous dog? He holed my chest, the treacherous dog. And soon my life will wilt. O, woe is me, in the prime of the day My life Aluda has got, My brother and myself he's slain. Is that the justice of the Lord? Alright, have it, the treacherous dog, It doesn't belong to any other. But, Lo! The Khevsur looks so glum, He won't even look at the gun, He sheds a tear with a feeling. And though his booty's worth a lot, To disarm his enemy he's unwilling. He won't cut off the man's right hand, He whispers to the corpse: Mutsal, A hero you in battle fell, Your hand was steadfast. I'd better have it turn to ash At rest on your so mighty a body, Instead of being your foe's fetish Nailed in his mountain aboding. The one who holds enmity supreme, Who sows ruin everywhere, Let him in his hut obscure and dim Have a pond of human blood to bear. Let him imbibe it from a cup, And eat in bread; and as if in a shrine The sacred thing he'd worship and praise up, Making a cross with bloody hands of crime. Let him, the generous bridegroom, Receive his guests coming in flood, Invite them to the table in his room And entertain them in a pool of blood. And let him make his bed in it, Where he will lie down with his wife, And he'll beget himself many a kid And live a happy family life. And, finally, he'll lie, the doom of death fulfilled, Into his bloody coffin funereal. If you have killed, you'll also be killed, His family won't forgive you, the killer. After the Kistins at daybreak I went across the mountains gray And, noticing a fresh-made track, I caught with them by cutting my way. There were two of them to make my goal, One infidel I struck down hard. But Mutsal, God may save his soul, He had the iron in place of his heart. You mean in heaven he may rest? I value prowess and zest, One cannot buy it at the market place. Three times Mutsal fired at me, it was three times that I shot back. My third shot killed him nearly And made the hero a wreck. He stopped his wound up with the grass And in a frenzied fit he spoke, Losing his strength, passing out fast, Was naming me a treacherous dog. We're always prone to believing That we're worthy of salvation, For infidels, that breed of evil, We prophesy the hell's damnation. All that we just repeat in vain The sons of God should better know. Those who often invoke His name May not reveal the whole truth though. It dawned on me that to cut off His gallant hand would be unfair. I may be losing fame and worth, But listening to the voice of heart I'd rather dare. You'd better die without a word Than lie to us about that horror. You might as well take off your sword And lay it down for women to borrow. Your shield they may find also a fun And use it as a weaving tool. And it is easy to turn your gun Into a spindle, to spin wool. You've run away from Kistins, dog! Worse than a woman. You killed Mutsal. Why didn't you bring his hand along? Why were you chasing them at all? And all of them turned their backs On Aluda, filled with contempt. And they all went to their shacks And left the village deserted, empty. Aluda's standing all alone, Hurt by disdain, malevolent and cold. Never before, in word or tone, He's been despised by the young and old. I'm alive against my will. Stab me with a dagger With all your zeal. Just pierce me through, For me to get rid Of life so cheerless and appalling, So the villagers would feed On cruel enmity and warring. Aluda, eat at least a crumb. Why at the sight of a corpse you droop? The guest must go home full, Pour Aluda some more soup. Aluda, since the time of your granddad We cut off hands of the Kistins. Alas, Khevsurs, the law is bad That bears the mark of old sins. I will be fighting, but never again Shall I disgrace the dead. You will! Since the time of your granddad We cut off hands of the Kistins. I could do it too, or could I not? But what on earth do I need it for? It can't be used instead of a sword, It's no good as a shield any more. Aluda, since the time of your granddad We cut off hands of the Kistins. Alas, Khevsurs, the law is bad That bears the mark of old sins. Tell me, Aluda, who's it for That you make a sacrifice today? Our ruler is the Gudan Cross, its hold over the village is impressing And all its slaves all over across Are strong by only its blessing. The lord loves Khevsurs, it is known. Believe me, you're not alone Who is loved by powers of heaven. Our ruler is the Gudan Cross, its hold over the village is impressing. Tell me, Aluda, who's it for That you make a sacrifice today? Today this sacrifice I make For Mutsal who was never christened. Bless it, I beg, for heaven's sake, For the hero's honor not be treasoned. Please, Verdiya, perform the rite, To give away a steer I'm willing, So that Mutsal wouldn't go right To hell, like a thief or a villain. What? To honor an infidel You're willing like a Christian? You must have gone insane as hell When killed that foul Kistin! Your ancestors of bygone era Were proud of all of their victories. You have no fear of God, you hero? Don't heed the Devil's whisperings! Is it the first time that you killed Our vicious enemy, the Kistin? Your ancestors of bygone era Were proud of all of their victories. You have no fear of God, you hero? Don't heed the Devil's whisperings! Don't turn me down, old man, If you're a true believer in God. I'm a slave of the Gudan Cross, A Khevsur devoted to the faith. You wag your tongue all just in vain, There's no point in dissolute talk! You wag your tongue all just in vain, There's no point in dissolute talk. Please, don't see it as a mortal sin, The sacred sacrifice for Mutsal! Look, people, here's your neighbor Has no respect for our faith. He sacrificed with his own hand A steer for a lowly Kistin! What does he think, that bragging fiend? That our community will spare him? May he be damned by the Creator! He does not deserve our pity! Come close up around me, The Khevsur sons, unless We set the fire go free Aluda won't come to sense! Let's go burn and pillage His home, and henceforth, Exposed by the whole village, He'll seek his haven by a foreign berth! Destroy the scoundrel's tower, Burn his supply of wheat and rye! May our hearts exult over the flower Of fire rising to the sky! His sheep and goats we'll make to Our communal property. May he be damned by the Creator! He does not deserve our pity! May he be damned by the Creator! He does not deserve our pity! Where's our home? Our things? There, only crows flap their wings. They haven't left a stone standing. Wait, son, I'm tired, be so kind. I can't keep up that weary stride. Lela, your wife, has fallen behind. The kids are hungry without food, Their feet are frozen from cold. Why, getting up at such altitude, We trudge in snow, with no road? And on his dear native land Aluda cast a final gaze. Farewell, farewell, my dear home, Farewell, my hunting roaming, Where at daytime the sun to me shone, Where at night the storm was roaring. Farewell, my Cross, my ruler supreme, The source of all my strength and courage. Here. Here. What is it? It's what you love. What? What? Life. A human life. Who are they burying? Dzhodaroz. Dzhodaroz himself. The great Dzhodaroz. Can it be that such an almighty man, who had so much power and authority, has been conquered by death? Was the life of such a man but a phantom? Has Dzhodaroz himself become a ghost? He was, and he is no more, and will never be. Did he ever think that just like that, in an instant, he would disappear forever, disappear like a ghost? Perhaps he did, or the man wouldn't have achieved such glory and greatness. That's how it has always been and will be, it will be so forever. Winter will remain winter, spring will be spring, and summer will be like it was before, like it is now. But we'll be gone. We'll leave this life, turning to dust. Only nature will never change, it will always be like it is now. Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. I did catch you, you vile man, you sordid soul. Now I've got you. Which grave have you plundered today? Answer me, or I'll knock you off! What are you talking about? Why did you get that idea? Besides, what fool would dare to rob in the middle of the day? Then why are you here? What have you lost here? What are you looking for? I'm a pilgrim, brother. A pilgrim. Got tired of walking and sat down to rest. God preserve me from stealing. Do they rob the deceased too? Are there such godless people on this earth? As many as you can imagine. It can't be. What do you mean, can't be? It's the absolute truth. But the thief will die some day, too. Yes, he will. Then what are you worrying about, old man? It means the time will come when the thief is robbed too. Maybe it's so. But I won't let anyone rob the dead. It's a sin. All this are just visions. And you and I are but apparitions in this world. So there's no point in exaggerating your own importance. Perhaps you're really an apparition, but I am not. I have a house, I eat, drink, sleep, wake up, walk. I'm no apparition. Tomorrow someone else will take your place and live in your house. My house was burning and people just stood watching. And no one would even move to try to stop the fire. For them it was just a spectacle. And only she did not stand aloof. She tried to save my house, but the people didn't see her. If they could see her, they might have tried to do something. Only she was trying to save my house. The fire was devouring everything. It was raging with such a malice as if it was taking revenge on me. It raged with an increasing vigor, not suspecting that it is not everlasting either. It burned as long as there was something to burn. And when it went out, only black coals and ashes remained from its recent power. Yes, the power and greatness of fire was illusory. And only she, the child of heaven, is not illusory. Only she doesn't change, forever beautiful, forever sublime, and forever human. Pale-faced and sunk in silence dense, All covered with nocturnal greens, On the throne of a mountain expanse Was seen the land of the Kistins. Why do you wander here, son of sin? I'm a hunter, as you can see, But no trust I may have in you. Why such a doubtful admission? Why say such things just time to kill? Or can't you meet without suspicion A fellow traveler on the hill? I'm a hunter too, but for now I got no catch, for better or for worse. All is in God's hands, you know, At least you didn't suffer any loss. My only loss - it was so stressing To get to this here place, by George. Today I climbed over every crossing, I rummaged over every gorge. And suddenly the gloom of night Set in, the wind began to tear And howl in the mountains, as might A hungry wolf in his lonely lair. To find a path so far from home Was hard, at night I couldn't see. I never had a chance to roam Those parts, they're unknown to me. Well, greetings, brother. Why are you standing so far? You had no luck today - You'll have it tomorrow. Greetings to you, too. I wish you always had good luck. Let's share, like good brothers would, My hunting bag that I've got today. Aren't you a Khevsur, by any chance? What do they call you? My name is Nunua. My hut is in the village of Chiz. Reveal to me your name as well. I'm Dzhokhola Alkhastaidze. My village is just within a stone's throw. If you're looking for a lodging, We'll go there, you and I. I don't know if it'll be to your liking, But you're welcome in my shack. After a good sleep you'll awaken And can set out on the road back. He's a fool who never sowed To hope to reap a harvest's wealth. You've cut the throat of the goat, And you should have it to yourself. I'll spend the night until daybreak And help you carry home the game. But sharing with you your take, A man must have some sense of shame. A Kistin village looks from the high, Like an eagle preparing for its dive. Its sight is gladdening his eye, As would the breasts of his beautiful wife. There, here's our simple hut, Our ancient family abode. A guest is always welcome here, Come, feel at home after a long road. Open up, Agaza dear, A guest's been sent our way. There must be no doubt in believing That our house has been blessed. Let's see how good are you at receiving A new acquaintance in your nest. Peace to the comer under our roof. Peace to you too, and may in truth You prosper with your husband and kids. Kistins, our blood enemy Is taking lodging with Dzhokhola. Of our hills the worst highwayman, The bloodsucker of our peaceful land, It seems Dzhokhola, our tribesman, Has never seen him in our highland. Now he's in our grip, warmonger, For old hurts we'll pay him tough. We'll now see whose hand is stronger. Hasn't he had our blood enough? The neighbor killed by him last spring Demands an act of vengeance. Kistins, our blood enemy Is taking lodging with Dzhokhola. But we have not been weakened yet, We'll have the enemy's blood yield. If not, let women, not men at that, Take to carry our sword and shield. Kistins, our blood enemy Is taking lodging with Dzhokhola. The neighbor killed by him last spring Demands an act of vengeance. If we respect our fathers' behest, How can we just forget and rest? Kistins, our blood enemy Is taking lodging with Dzhokhola. The neighbor killed by him last spring Demands an act of vengeance. But we have not been weakened yet, We'll have the enemy's blood yield. If not, let women, not men at that, Take to carry our sword and shield. Kistins, you've all gone mad or so? Whose guest is lying here tied and tame? Why, in contempt of the old law, You've put me to such shame? I swear by Mohamed's faith That hospitality is our honor. If you forgot it in your rave, I've got my gun, you know. Oh, fool, just stop your blabber. Who'd dare raise his wretched hand At his own mother, A bloody enemy to defend? Come to your senses, oh, my foot! Whom do you shelter in your home? This guest and his host to boot We'll push the highest mountain from. How can you be such an oaf, truly? In our mountains any kid Can recognize Zviadauri. But he has tricked you. Yes, he did. Was not it him who plundered here? Was not he hiding in the bush? Like a beast, so cruel and severe, Attacking us from his ambush? Dzhokhola looks, and a hint of doubt Crept in his heart forjust a second. And lost in thought, before the crowd He hung his head, he stood and reckoned. Didn't he, the wild beast, on another Occasion hid in our wood, And then he killed your own brother, And rode away with a winning hoot? That's what I'm like, Zviadauri! - The mountains echoed his rhyme. How vicious a man is that Khevsuri We have known since that time. He grazes on his Khevsur grass The cattle, which is ours by right. He carried a fierce war with us And roused the enemy to fight. Why d'you disgrace, you poor wretch, Yourself, your wife, your homestead, And in your blindness of no match You share with him your bread and bed? You may be right, it may be so, But what you say is not the cause For taking in your hands the law. You're twice as villainous, of course. Kistins, he's my guest today, And even if he has amassed A sea of blood, there's no way That a highlander betrays his guest. Let go, Musa, and step aside, Don't torture him, you killer. As soon as he goes outside, Then do what you like, whatever. Neighbors, it's not on the high road You threaten the enemy with strength. What answer, standing in my abode, You're going to give to our hearth? O, woe is you, Kistins, what for An unarmed man are you so bold To overwhelm and scorn the law Of our fathers centuries old? You'll get it too. What d'you expect? Tie up the scoundrel right away, As long as he does not respect The tribal order we obey. Since we've laid hands on the Khevsur, We don't blame you lock and stock. Yet on account of that giaour You fight your brothers like a dog. What? Me dog? How dare you, slave, Call me a dog, you dirty rat? ! Go, damned dog, to the grave, To spare me further snarling at! What has he done! The man must be at his wit's end! You have been dragging through the mud All that I hold sacred, sons of Kistin. I'll kill, as Allah is my God, You all, although you're my kin. You've smeared our laws of shelter. May you be damned for eternity! They beat Dzhokhola with all might, And rounded up, prostrate and trod, He was bound with a rope tight, Before he managed to draw his sword. Beaten up and thrown on the straw, He, like a corpse, is lying by the door. We fear death, But whenever there is a chance To see the other's end in full, To the execution one would prance And just enjoy it, a stupid fool. Oh, how many monsters do I know Who have only sin as their worth, Yet they emit of innocence a glow And walk in peace on our earth. What does Zviadauri really want As he whispers many an indistinct word? The Khevsur's blood is running hot, But in his hand there's no sword. Yes, it is your day of luck. Alas, you've got me in your hole. Already the people in the dark Drag him somewhere with a frenzied howl. It's time for the murderer obscene To go down to the dark of coffin. And please the dead by fetching them in The water, to the otherworldly din, Or weave the sandals for them from bark. There's a gloomy hill in the village's enclaves, Burnt by the sun to the very ground. There, lying deep in their graves, Sleep lionhearted bodies under a mound. The water washed their remains, The hill provided a clay shroud. Under the vault of a stone tomb The brave men's heartbeat has been ceased. The earth's insatiable womb Eats up the bones of the deceased, Obliterates the human face Of all who were furious and bold, Who didn't lose heart in the fighting race, Who didn't waver with a sword in hold. It is the fatal sin of nature That saddens me and makes me cry: Whether good or evil you may be a creature, Your time will come and you will die. As every sailor will be swallowed By water if his ship overturns. Darla, forget you ever suffered. Darla, look up and you will see The whole village here gathered, As did the villain who killed thee. As sacrifice to the other world We'll throw him to lie beside you. Darla, forget you ever suffered. Darla, look up and you will see The whole village here gathered, As did the villain who killed thee. As sacrifice to the other world We'll throw him to lie beside you. A dog will be a sacrifice to the infidel! Acknowledge your master, foul dog! Become a sacrifice for our Darla! A dog will be a sacrifice to the infidel! The damned now sees the door of coffin, But he doesn't want to be sacrificed! Acknowledge your master, foul dog! Become a sacrifice for our Darla! A dog will be a sacrifice to the infidel! The damned now sees the door of coffin, But he doesn't want to be sacrificed! Acknowledge your master, foul dog! Become a sacrifice for our Darla! Darla, forget you ever suffered. Darla, look up and you will see The whole village here gathered, As did the villain who killed thee. As sacrifice to the other world We'll throw him to lie beside you. Darla, forget you ever suffered. Darla, look up and you will see The whole village here gathered, As did the villain who killed thee. As sacrifice to the other world We'll throw him to lie beside you. A dog will be a sacrifice to the infidel! A dog will be a sacrifice to the infidel! Acknowledge your master, foul dog! Become a sacrifice for our Darla! A dog will be a sacrifice to the infidel! Look, people, at his hour of death He didn't even bat an eye. It's time for the murderer obscene To go down to the dark of coffin. If only an ax I managed to find, I would've killed those villains here And freed the prisoner without fear, My relatives I would've defied. But has a Kistin woman ever Had any power over men? Acknowledge your master, foul dog! Become a sacrifice for our Darla! A dog will be a sacrifice to the infidel. Darla, forget you ever suffered. Darla, look up and you will see The whole village here gathered, As did the villain who killed thee. As sacrifice to the other world We'll throw him to lie beside you. It's time for the murderer obscene To go down to the dark of coffin! Acknowledge your master, foul dog! Become a sacrifice to our Darla! A dog will be a sacrifice... A dog will be a sacrifice... His woman's life was sweet and quiet Under the shelter of her husband, When in the stillness of the night She lay beside him in their bed. So close together were their breasts At midnight hour. Who would have guessed That people make her forget him now. His life slips away, his blood is spilling. Zviadauri was dying, no doubt. But his courageous heart the killer Could neither subjugate nor rout. Allah is our witness, don't we know That he hasn't smeared his soul with sin. He fought with us like a tiger though And fallen for the land of his kin. We wouldn't even touch the Khevsur If our foes hadn't beaten us. But foes are there to fight them. To be a sacrifice he did not want, So let him lie in the cold and dark - It is his well-deserved lot. The Kistins hadn't attained their goal, Though they cut the brave man's head. And, as they planned to, they failed to dole A generous dinner to the dead. The night was falling once again. The last sunray had left the slopes. And dark, reclaiming its domain, Clouded the mountains' high tops. With inexplicable distress, The proud cliff at the graveyard peers And pours over feeble universe The slow-flowing streams of tears. The graveside stillness calls for grief, A brother's remains for a sister's weeping, The woods at night for a deer's gallop swift And feasts of wolves, rapacious and sweeping. Death on the battlefield is fitting For one who holds a sword in his hand, For a fight - the enemy being smitten And the hero's triumph in the end. But who is going to mourn Zviadauri's body though? Only the tempest's wailing drone, The waterfalls' thunder, the mountains' sough. Whenever I see only good done, The judgment I'm not to pass. To mourn over a fallen hero Befits any woman, any lass. Lord, join together the newlyweds! Lord, join together the newlyweds! Lord, join together the newlyweds! Lord, join together the newlyweds! Hear! Hear! Hear! Kursika Chalkhoshvili sends his greetings to you. I was called a thief, he says. My good neighbors are accusing me of stealing mules. I swear by God, he says, I am a thief, and I'm proud of it. He presented gold to the newlyweds. Praise and honor to him! Praise and honor to him! Sending their greetings to you from the upper villages are Boigar, Parangoz, Buchliya and Gelika. From the lower villages - Antimoz, Dzidzilo, Zviada, as well as Tedua, and also Givi and highlander Chalkhia. We will spare nothing, they say, for such a bridegroom. We only want to drink and eat to our heart's content at the wedding. We'll give our Matsil whatever he wants: Pastures and rivers, our valleys and mountains, everything he likes. Praise and honor to them! Praise and honor! Praise and honor! Also sending his greetings is our Khvtisiya. I've got beggarly, he says, in my constant caring for my neighbor. I have neither gold nor silver. Nothing but this weapon inherited from my forebears. And I'm giving it to the bridegroom. Praise and honor upon him! Praise and honor! Praise and honor! Put the child in the bride's lap. May the Lord send you happiness and such sons! O Lord, lay to rest Thy servant. O Lord, lay to rest Thy servant. O Lord, lay to rest Thy servant. O Lord, lay to rest Thy servant. They're digging graves again. New graves for people. Oh, God! I cannot see any more graves. Show me something else, good and joyous. Show me this meadow with flowers. Show me these same people looking happy and cheerful. I can't see gravediggers anymore. I don't want to see graves anymore. I'd ratherjump down the precipice or get drowned, only not to see this. I don't want to look back. I don't want to see this world. Where shall I go? Where? If You strike me with a lightning, Lord, before You I'm standing, With my hands true to the good, With my soul, never bending. No hardship will ever break me, I abhor filth and decay. Even if I get a sea of misfortune, Faith in the truth will never die! The End Good morning, Mr. Phelps. As you know, for the past 20 years, the United Nations has worked throughout the Near East to abolish slave markets. These efforts have been successful, except in Elkabar, a small country on the Persian Gulf whose ruler, Ibn Borca, an absolute monarch, continues to auction thousands of human beings into slavery each year. Borca 's principal source of slaves is this man, Karl de Groot. His raids into nearby nations to abduct free men and women into slavery could aggravate the tense situation in the Near East. Your mission, Jim, should you decide to accept it, is to stop this traffic in slaves and rid Elkabar of de Groot and Borca. As always, should you or any of your IM Force be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This recording will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim. You wanted to see me? You de Groot? - What's on your mind? - Business. So? So she's for sale. I hope that Interpol is now satisfied, inspector. I can assure Your Majesty my report will state the facts exactly as we have found them. Well, brother, I assume that you and your charming British wife are now convinced that there is no slavery here. Of course. And I trust this will finally put an end to the movement to have you replace me on the throne. Let me assure you, I do not seek power. Willy, be sure to splinter the leg in the cot to match this. - How's it coming? - Almost finished. Three thousand pounds. Come on, the deal was for 5. Three thousand was all he would pay. Take it or leave it. On delivery. I'll have her here in the morning. You just be sure you've got the money. Now, keep him out of my way. If I see him again, I'll kill him. Darling, what is it? Help us! Come quickly. Help! Help! Now, cut it out. Cut it. Hey. Pretty, very pretty. - She'll bring a good price. - Who are you? Where am I? A very good price. That's pretty good. I can match it. What do you think? Pretty. Please help me. Help me. Please! - Jim? - Please, no. I know, I know. Make it as easy on her as you can, will you, Barney? You don't know what you're doing. Please! Not bad. Not bad at all. What do you think, Jara? I prefer them a little meatier, but I'm the exception. She'll bring a good price on the block. I'll take my money now, de Groot. Look me up any time you have merchandise like this for sale again, Mr. Rogers. There's only a thousand pounds here. Our deal was for 3. Your deal was with de Groot. I suggest you talk to him. Yeah, I'll do that. For what you cost me, you're quite a bargain. You'd better get used to being touched. You just learn to relax. It won't be so bad for you. As long as you keep that pretty face. Someone is following us. We'll be there before he catches us. You just signed his death warrant. Drop the rifle. Who are you? What do you want? Just face the car and don't move. What is this, Rogers? What are you trying to pull? - Take him. - lnto the car. You won't get away with this. Your food. I beg you. You must help me. I'm the wife of Prince Fasar. Does Her Highness wish to eat or not? I'm telling you the truth. I swear it. My husband will give you anything that you ask if you simply help me out of here. Please help me. Please. Please. There is a man here from the police to see you. Send him in. Yes? We took this from a peddler 30 minutes ago, sir. Very good, sergeant. - Do you have this man in custody? - Yes, sir. - I'll be along directly. - Thank you, sir. Thank you. Your Highness, does this ring look familiar to you? It is Amara's wedding ring. Where did you get it? It was taken from a peddler who was observed trying to sell it by one of your local police officers. - Do you have this man? - Yes, I am going to question him now. - I am coming with you. - No. No, it would be wrong, at this stage, for it to be known that you are connected with us in any way. What are they doing to her? It won't be too much longer now. This could be the break we need. Easy, Jara. I see you caught up with de Groot. I caught him. He's dead. Sit down, honey. Oh, I don't think you've met my wife. You're a very clever man, Mr. Rogers. That's right. Now I'm taking over the business. Are you in or out? It will not be that easy. You're in trouble. What trouble? Nothing changes except that you'll make more money than you did with de Groot. You don't understand. This lady, your wife, was bought and paid for by Borca. When you tricked de Groot, you also tricked Borca. He will not stand for this. If you do not deliver what he thinks is his, he will have you hunted down and shot. Who says I'm not gonna deliver? Wait a minute, what are you saying? I don't understand. Listen, with me, a deal is a deal. Borca bought her, he gets her. You wouldn't, you can't. I can and I will. This is a deal that I've been waiting for for a long time. It's big. It's bigger than both of us. You are a remarkable man, Mr. Rogers. I don't think so, Jara. Don't turn around. You're one man I'm going to enjoy shooting in the back. You made one mistake. You forgot about me. If he shoots me, who's gonna get your slaves for you? I believe Musha can handle that. That punk, do you think he could ever replace de Groot or me? You may be right, Mr. Rogers. But what can I do? If he shoots you he shoots you. Thanks, partner. - You're quite a gambler. - Not really. What would you have done had I not accepted your offer? You'd both be dead by now. I'm glad I didn't have to shoot you. Now I know I've got a partner I can trust. Now, get to Borca. Tell him I've got the girl. - No. - Shut up. Tell him I'm taking over and I wanna see him. Well, how do I look? Like you'd sell your own grandmother. It's perfect. Let's go, Rollin. I'm not looking forward to this. Thank God. Thank God. I thought no one believed me. Very good. She'll fetch a high price. Your Majesty. I am Amara, your brother's wife. Look at me. Look at me. I know you, Amara. You are the woman who continually tried to set my brother against me. You have refused to understand that, here, slavery is a part of our way of life. But you will soon understand. Make her ready for the auction block. You wouldn't dare. You wouldn't dare. No one would buy me. Someone would recognise me. Perhaps, if you were left the way you are. But there will be a few simple changes. Give her something to calm her down. No. No! Well, that should do it. Are you two all set? Let the pilgrimage begin. Cinnamon? - Distilled water? - Right. And this is the antidote to the one I gave Amara? Right. See you. Remember, Mr. Rogers, do not sit unless he does, address him as "Your Majesty," and do not speak unless he addresses you. You gotta be kidding. No, I'm not. He's a monarch, an absolute ruler. He's a slave trader like us and nothing else. Now, come on. I do not believe it. I simply do not believe it. You must be in error. There can be no doubt, Your Highness. Your wife has been taken to the slave market in the Holy City, where she will be sold on the block. You talk of a slave block, what slave block? What market? We were there. Three of us searched it from end to end. We found nothing, not a sign of slavery. Your Highness, the slave cells are hidden beneath the palace. Akim, is this true? Can it be true? Regrettably, it is, Fasar. Where do these slaves come from? Who are they? How many are there? There are thousands. Penniless pilgrims who are trying to get to the Holy City. Men and women who are lured from their homes by the false promise of work. Children who are stolen from their parents. And add to that the hundreds who are born in slavery and who will die in it. Who never know any other life. It is almost more than the mind can accept. Human beings are bought and sold and held like animals. Why don't they fight? If they do not obey, they may lose a hand or an ear. Should a slave try to escape, he is hanged. There is no trial and there is no hope. There is only the law of Ibn Borca. If she is there, I will find her. And if I do, I will kill whoever took her from this house. It is futile, Your Highness. It is futile. Your brother has concealed his activities for years. You will find nothing. And if he learns of your presence, I believe your wife will die. You're an interesting man, Mr. Rogers. Your wife is everything I was led to expect. I'm almost tempted to keep her for myself. Oh, that's not part of the deal, Your Majesty. Unless, of course, you'd like to bid on her. Mr. Rogers, I like a man who is frankly interested in money. I also like a man who knows his place. She will bring a fine price. But she seems to be barely alive. She must be more animated on the block. I gave her something to quiet her down. It'll wear off in a while. Good. Kadi! - Yes, Your Majesty. - Put her in the pens. How much do you think she'll bring? Why do you ask? Because I expect 50 percent. My deal with de Groot was for 25 percent. Well, I'm not de Groot. Mr. Rogers, never forget what I am about to tell you. No one... No one leaves this city alive unless it is with my authority. All right, I'll remember. But let me remind you of something. This city of yours survives on slaves. You need them and I can get them. Now, have we got a deal or not? Jara, I think we can work with Mr. Rogers. - Do you agree? - Most assuredly, Your Majesty. Stop! Turn around. You cannot enter the Holy City. I told you to turn back. The sick cannot enter. Oh, he's not sick. He's a cripple. See, look. All right, move on. - How long do we have? - Until he puts her on the block. That will be soon. They have all come, Your Majesty. Gilani, Arafa, Kadar, Hejez, some whom even I don't know. She'll bring more than we expected. Not from this group. They're here to buy work slaves, not women. But one has just arrived who is sure to buy her. Kal Ar Boreen? Now, the two of you, you may go. And don't waste your time. Get me some more slaves. Yes, Your Majesty. We will, we will. I said you could go. Yeah, well, I sort of thought I'd stick around just to see how much she brings. No objections, partner? His Majesty has dismissed us. It's all right, Jara. After all, he has a special interest in this particular sale. - That's right. - Yes, Your Majesty. Your Majesty, the woman is being difficult. I'll quiet her down. I want no marks on her. How do you think I got her here in the first place? There's something wrong with the rear wheel. Let's take it into your shop where we can have a better look at it. All right. - Take it easy. - You too. Hello, Mr. Martin. Your limousine is waiting outside. You know my name. - Have we made love before? - No. Daddy's gotta go. Sorry. You did a great job, Chuck. Thanks. Look, if there is something bothering you, then please tell me. I know part of your job is to have these secrets in your head but you're not supposed to keep them from me. Yeah, I know, I know. I saw you shoot that Fulcrum agent on Christmas Eve. After they took over the Buy More. - And when I asked you about it... - I lied. Yeah. - Chuck, I have to protect you. - I know that. L... I... I know that you do. And you were protecting me. You were protecting all of us. He threatened my family, my friends, and you were just doing your job. I get that, but... - Sarah, the guy was unarmed and you... - I did what I had to. He knew who you really were. Your whole family was in danger. And I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget that you never asked for all of this. There's parts I'm not sure I'll ever get used to. Well, you deserve a break, so take tonight, tomorrow. Uh, whatever you need, it's yours. - Seriously? Really? - Yeah. No missions, no cameras, no Casey, no thermal-satellite surveillance and no me. - You guys use satellites? - Yeah. And, Chuck, when you're ready again, we'll be here waiting. - Hey, what's this? What's going on? - Lock and load. New mission. We'll see you tomorrow. Wait. A new mission? What kind of mission? It's fine, Chuck. We got it. What...? What kind of mission? A mission without Bartowski. I'm really gonna enjoy this. Hey, guys. Where are we going? Well, come on, Casey. No time for a break. We've got work to do. ♪ It's been so long ♪ ♪ Since I left you ♪ ♪ But I was in jail wit my nephew ♪ ♪ I needed that bail so I kept you ♪ ♪ I bet you thought I let you ♪ ♪ Take my name, my game ♪ ♪ And make that money my thang ♪ ♪ You got to understand ♪ ♪ That Frylock is the man ♪ ♪ Aqua Teen Hunger Force ♪ ♪ Schooly D, we back of course ♪ ♪ Aqua Teen Hunger Force ♪ ♪ Schooly D, we back of course ♪ ♪ Aqua Teen Hunger Force ♪ ♪ Schooly D, we back of course ♪ Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Good bye, Carl. Goodbye forever. Truly they were... an Aqua Teen Hunger Force. You're emergency brake is on! Don't tell me how to drive, jackass. There it is! Ha, ha, jack pot. We're here! Say hello to your new home, boys! Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? You need a jump start or something to get outta here? No man, we're renting over here now. Yeah, cuts down on our commute time to your house. Cool, huh? No, uh, no. Hey look at this guy. Think I'd better go introduce myself. Hello neighbor! - My name's Master Shake. -Okay, alright. Could swear, I've seen you somewhere before. - Great house you got here. - Real funny, there. I love the bushes. So, what do you do around here? No, no, where' not playing that game. What game? I don't play games. - Ok, fine. - What do you do? Maybe we can network. No, as you well know... I work outta the home! Aahhh! Oooh, my bad hip! Oh, sorry about that man. I thought I saw a mosquito on your shoulder. I have to go in and relax. I don't do well on long drives... Shake, don't run off. I'm not running off. I got medical problems. You better get back here and help us unload this van. Fine. Open the back. There, are we done? Where the "f" is my flamethrower? Oh that, uh, probably got lost in the move. Well that's a quick response. Maybe you hid my flamethrower because I make poor choices with it. My jam box! Yeah, this is my jam. Now come, now. Yeah... Why ain't you dancin', Shake? Dancing is forbidden! Dancing has always been forbidden! Come on, you guys, we're in a new house now and we're starting fresh. You two need to learn how to share and be nice. But he's the one dancing. I ain't bothering you. I'm just getting my groove on, man. Shake, he's not bothering you. Uh-huh. And plus, his radio hurt my foot. You're almost 40 years old, Shake. You're supposed to be more mature than this, man. Well, I'm going through a phase right now. Plus... he is 38. He doesn't know any better. He's never gonna know any better, and you know that. I'd be 38 in July and I wanna have a big birthday party with piñata and balloons and Ben 10 Whoops. Oh! He pushed me! No parking on the dance floor. Did you see that? ! I didn't see no parking space! Both of you go to your room! I guess I'll just move all this shit by myself. Up top! Yeah boy! I hate work! As do I. As do I, too. You went off script a little, but I liked that ad-lib. - What, the push? - Nice touch. Soon as it gets violent, it's a game change Oh, yeah. You gotta defuse it. It played off my stunt pretty well. That said, tomorrow we're gonna have to really stick close to the script. Hey talking about building a garden. - I ain't doing that. - Me neither. No way, no how. I mean, I'll eat the stuff but I ain't workin' in it. I ain't eating it unless he's growing some chicken nuggets out there. Who's room is this gonna be? I don't know... Wait it's It's my room! No it's my room! I called it! Yeah, you're right. This is your room. That's right it is. I'm putting up my "Whitesnake in the Still of the Night" poster right here. And over here I'm puttin' up a sign that says, "No Girls Allowed". What's this right here? Is this a drinking fountain? Yeah, it's a drinking fountain! Right! Take a drink outta there. No dummy. It's a sponge bath. You dip your hands in here, splash a little water on your face, catch the pits, then you sponge off. Someone left a big long brown sponge in there. I had that sponge included in the house buying contract. What this lever do? Hey, that my sponge! I'll get you another one. Hey, I think I feel a sponge coming on. Hold on, Meatwad. Careful... I think my sponge bath is a window To another dimension. That's a good assumption. We gotta find out for sure. Someone's gotta go in there. Pull the lever. Engage. Portal open! I'm trapped! Between two dimensions. Your molecules are too big! The portal won't hold! Increase the force! I suggest we never go to that dimension again 'cause it's boring and stinky. No one touches the sponge bath from now on. You're just jealous because we can do science stuff too and we didn't have to get a stupid degree online. It comes naturally to us. Yeah, okay, just help me roll this into the garage. Why don't you help me suck it. Wait a minute, that backfired. See, that sounded like I suck it all the time. Which I don't. Also implies that I would need help which we both know that I don't. I can suck my own stuff. Listen, when I'm on, it's dangerous. Me and this cart been through a lot together. I got me some fond memories. This ain't no vacation. Keep goin' the way you goin'. Oh, yeah... Keep goin'... brilliant. Where is this farm? Where is this farm? There is no way I'm head in this state! I ain't got no fond memories. Back to hell from whence you came! Hey... where did you get a gun? From my teacher. Yeah, they give 'em out now. You need some help there? Yeah, I've got about 60 boxes out here... Erosion... the plodding enemy... like Frankenstein it attacks our shores... Never mind. I got it... This is educational! When are we hooking up the boob channels? Oh, wow. Check this out... Remember these? We was detectives... For like a week. Feels like a lifetime ago, don't it? You know, I could have been a really good detective. Ooh, who farted? Not me. Dang. You a good detective. Yeah, I was good, wasn't I? Yeah, you was. Well, I tell you what I'll keep one. Just to remember that time in my life, alright. Dammit, Shake! Aqua Teen Hunger Force... Assemble! Check out how I did up my new room. Radicalized! And this is a framed poster of Monet because there's a sensitive side of me, too. Bitches are gonna be drippy wet when they see his famous lilies stuff. And... Hello... I'm introspective too. That's what this mirror is for. Introspecting my throbbing pythons and enormous genitals. The word you're looking for, gentlemen, is incredible. Hey, Shake... Can you help me? I need to slide this Jacuzzi over in front of the salad bar so the stallions won't get at it. What do you mean, stallions? Arabian. That's what come with my room. I don't see my egg roll noodles? I see garlic croutons but I don't see no egg roll noodles. And that pisses me off. Shake power activate! Shake power activate! Activate Shake power! Come on! Hey, hey, chill out! That's a 60 thousand dollar rug you spittin' up on. What flavor is that? It's the flavor of "none of your damn business." How did you get this room? I guess I was left with it since you called the bathroom. Well, I call this room now. You can't do that. L just did. Shake, he called it first. Fine... I guess we'll just have to paper, rock, scissors for it. It's the only fair way. No it isn't. He called it. I called it. I understand your position but, I'm afraid this is the best compromise I can offer. Fine. Let's do it. Meatwad, you ain't gotta do this. No no, we're gonna do this. He can speak for himself. 1-2-3. Paper, covers rock. This is my room. The end. No! Best of three. 1-2-3. Oh, he got you again. Oh, damn, rock crushes scissors. I call this room. Oh yeah? Well bullet enters brain! Hey, where are you goin'? This is fun. Let's go best of 5. 1-2-3... Well, what the hell is that? This is a hurricane. And hurricane smashes beach condo complex. No, that's not what this is. This is a time-share that is more towards town. Hurricane beats all housing or apartments. And this sucker is cat 6. It hit the beach, moved inland and destroyed your town. Dammit.. How did you know I was going to pull a beach condo complex? 'Cause you're predictable. Fine. You win. The bathroom is yours. We were doing that for the bathroom. Shake, you need to learn how to play fair. You don't get anywhere in life by cheating. You haven't gotten anywhere in life either. So what does that say? Take it back, you stinkin' butt hole. Wait, what are you doing? Fill it with spiders. No! See, now I'm playing fair, Shake! Look- I'm getting ahead in life! No no! Hey guys, I found my spiders. Rabbot! Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday Saturday... What's this? It's a bottle of Pinot Grig. It's a card here too. Welcome to the neighborhood. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. What a wonderful gesture... Oh! Oh, whoa... That's a bad gesture. I don't understand a damn thang ya'll doing'. I know you guys aren't, but I'm actually kinda glad he came along. I was about to black out. When it's gonna magically form back into a house again? Yeah, you remember that place we use to live? It used to do that all the time. I keep waiting. It ain't happening. Where the hell we gonna live? Alright! Check it out, ya'll. Our new home! Someday we'll have children that will veg right in front of the TV just like us, and they will work a job to bring home money so that I may live in a style to which I am accustomed! Meatwad, fetch the fertility drugs. Looks like the Aqua Teens are back in the house! And Schooly D is back on the mic! ♪ It's been so long ♪ ♪ Since I left you ♪ ♪ But I was in jail wit my nephew ♪ ♪ I needed that bail so I kept you ♪ ♪ I bet you thought I let you ♪ ♪ Take my name, my game ♪ ♪ And make that money my thang ♪ ♪ You got to understand ♪ ♪ That Frylock is the man ♪ ♪ Yes, yes ya'll. To the beat ya'll... ♪ II got a call from Vishal... ♪ ♪ I was standing in my kitchen Said he had a mission ♪ ♪ They needed some new transitions ♪ ♪ Aqua Teen Hunger Force ♪ ♪ Schooly D, I'm back of course ♪ 'To Miss Lane, the business of the Post Office was not work, 'it was life. 'And all the threads of all the storiesbeing played out around her 'seemed to meet and cross in her hands. 'Such clever, capable hands. 'It was impossible to imagine they could ever falter or fail.' "Requesting every detail "of the Princess's costume... "..including ornament, coiffure, and toilette."Stop. Miss Lane! Found him in a ditch. Said he was picking crab apples, like you said, when a faintness came over him. So where are the crab apples then? Gypsies, took them from me where I lay. Well, thank the Lord you're back now. Where you belong. On your tailbone! You uselessslack critter! I have a pain! We've got mouths to feed. I'm ailing! The only thing that ails you isbeing born idle and bone idle. Which is more than can be said for Miss Lane. Just passed the farmer on his way back from Candleford. Says she's been taken to bed with a fever and he reckons Laura's put in charge of the Post Office. Minnie, I have influenza. It is not terminal merely... Thomas. Miss Lane. You'll have to manage Laura's round as well as your own. And could do so in my sleep, ma'am. And Laura, I'm so sorry to burden you like this. It's no burden. A privilege, Miss Lane. I won't fail you. You have all my confidence and all my trust. Mr Dowland. I heard you were ill. Forgive me, I merely wished to know how you fared. I see you are in a wretched way. I assure you, I merely look like death. I shall do very well. Thomas is to manage the deliveries and Laura is going to take care of the business. And who is going totake care of you? Mr Dowland, the greatest risk I run is being bored to death. The doctor tells me I must remain where I am for at least a week. But then you must listen to him. If you were in this bed, you would not be so glib. Miss Lane, if I were in that bed... It's very kind of you to call but I'm afraid I'm feeling rather tired. Of course. Minnie, how much doesMiss Lane pay you? Two shilling a week and my bed and board, sir. I'll pay you a further two shillings a week if you will nurse her for the duration of her illness. Sir! Two conditions. One, you take your orders regarding the sickbed from me. And two, neither Miss Lane nor anyone else will ever find out about this arrangement. Understood? Sir! MR DOWLAND: Carved stone panels, either side of the tower. The theme or design of which I will, of course, leave up to you. Carved stone panels? Exactly. Eight in total. Yes.You haven't told her. Mr Dowland, a job like this don't come around too often and Lord knows I ain't trying to talkmyself out of the work, but for the sake of your sanity, as well as your purse, I have to ask, why not just tell the woman how you feel? This is not a clock. This is the most expensive roundabout declaration a man has ever failed to make to a woman. You know, I have heard it said that often, actions speak louder than words. Louder, perhaps, but not nearly so clear. Nevertheless. Now, name your terms. Laura's most likely lying in her bed with her heart pounding at the thrill and the challenge and the excitement of it all. You remember what it was like at that age. Everything burns so bright. And it doesn't any more? "The girl in the Post Office. "Silly bich." COWS MOO Good morning. Miss Margaret. Embrocation of my own making for Miss Lane. For Miss Lane's... (For her chest). And the collected sermons of John Henry Newman. Embrocation for the soul. Girded and ready. Do you suppose we'll do, Thomas Brown? I suppose we shall have to. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE They all want to buy a stamp off the acting postmistress. They can't afford it. Tell them they mustn't. You let them show their pride for you in the way they choose. COUGHING I shall pass the morning here. COUGHING If the doctor wishes me to spend the entire day in my bed, he can carry me there himself. Miss Ellison called. Why did this incapacity have to strike me of all people? I am never ill. And at such a time, too! Laura and Fisher. He don't take his eyes off her. She's all lit up and glowing like a candle. It is like I used to play with my dolls. "Now, Miss Polly, should you like to marry Mr Teapot? "Here he is come to call." Dolls can't have their hearts broken. Minnie, I would like you to ask Mr Fisher Bloom to call on me. This is for your chest. Miss Ellison made it herself. Open wide. For Miss Lane, with our best. And I should like a penny stamp, if you please, Laura. Yes. I don't suppose you can knock a bit off that, you know, for old friends? Must we really stand here all day while every cottager in the district buys a single stamp? ! Why, no, ma'am. We provide a chair for customers whose age makes standing a difficulty. You may sit the process out if you wish. BELL RINGING I have it. MACHINE CLICKING AND WHIRRING Oh, they are beautiful! Thank you. MACHINE CLICKING AND WHIRRING Miss Pearl, Miss Ruby, I believe this is for you. "A princess ball gown of deepest, er... It's a four-letter word ending in E. "Adorned with somethinggold, something...?" A four-letter word ending in E and a seven-letter word ending in S. I'm very much afraid our telegraphic instrument has developed a fault. If this don't work, I can get you a spoonful of sugar. An embrocation is for TOPICAL application, Minnie. One RUBS it in. Well, I know that now but Miss Ellison was not at all clear. KNOCKING AT DOOR DOOR OPENING Fisher, how kind of you to come. Please sit down. How does work on the clock progress? There was me thinking you wanted to talk about Laura. You watch me. And you watch Laura. Do you like her? Yes. When I say like, I mean... I know what you mean. Yes. But when the clock is finished, you will move on. I always move on. You are a plain speaker, I know. So, you will forgive my plain-speaking. Laura's poise is deceptive. She's younger than she seems. And far more vulnerable than she looks. And if you cared about her as you say you do, you would not be trying to make her fall in love with you. I'm not trying to do anything. You're doing nothing to stop it. Why would I if I feel the same? Because you will move on and she will not. You will have new horizons with which to distract yourself. She will have nothing but reminders of what she has lost. There is a fine line between carefree and callous, Mr Bloom. I ask only that you tread it carefully. Thank you for your plain-speaking, Miss Lane. Fisher! Miss Lane wanted to speak to me about the clock... You'll never guess! They all came, Ma, Pa, almost the whole of Lark Rise! What? Nothing. It's been that busy, I haven't even been able to step outside the door. We could go for a walk later. Not today. Oh. Tomorrow, maybe. I don't think so. Has something happened? Just don't think we need to be in each other's pockets all the time, that's all. Have I... Did I do something wrong? Of course not. Laura, you're a lovely girl, but a man can have too much of a good thing, you know? Shaming us like that in front of everyone. If you're going to talk about shaming, what about them Pratt twins? Their faces when our Laura showed them what for! They're not twins, you duffer! Miss Pearl can give Miss Ruby a good ten years. Why do they go around dressing so alike for then? Mutton dressed as lamb. And lamb dressed as mutton. Right. I'll see back you home then. Why, where are you going? I ain't going anywhere. I'm staying to watch Laura sort out these Candleford toffs. She's as good as a show. Good day to you. Do come again. For pity's sake, girl! It's simple enough. I'm Miss Lane. You come in and... But you don't look nothing like her and she don't swear at me, even after the embroider-ication. Well, perhaps I won't, if you get it right. Now go again. This time, no noise. I don't believe it. BELL RINGING Good. And then you say? Please, miss, if you think you could fancy a little refreshment... I thought I smelt it! Golden silk tea! Hm. Too much hyssop and not enough honey. You should have come to me. Let her have as much of the tea as she likes, Minnie. And take a pot of stew with you as well. Stew will never pass as mine, sir. It smells delicious. Then perhaps you might burn it a little for authenticity. Oh, yes, I'll do that, sir. And remember, Minnie, flowers on the tray. Always flowers. Your mother said that tea was the only thing that eased her fevers. You used to watch me brewing it. I had to stand you on a stool so's you could reach the table. For Miss Lane, is it? Why do you always have to do your caring in secret? Like there's something shaming in it. You were the same as a boy. Little presents left for me, but never a word from the giver. Maybe I didn't have the words for what I wanted to say. Maybe you don't now. MAN: Mrs Rochford would like to speak with you, sir. Excuse me. Four letters ending in E describing a colour. "Princess ballgown of deepest...blue." It could be puce. Or lime. "Trimmed with either "five or nine gold..." Ribbons or tassels? Or baubles. This is really quite ridiculous. Miss Lane should be informed, influenza or no influenza. One would think the Princess too fair for lime and certainly too young for puce. You are younger and you are wearing puce. Well, yes. It is different for me. I am... I am... Lamb dressed as mutton. Ruby, bring me the bolt of blue silk and the little pearl buttons we purchased in Oxford. Well, come along, we haven't got all day! BELL RINGING Thank you, sir. Bonjour. Come again, sir. I might almost believe that this instrument knows its mistress. It's ailing cos she is. Perhaps a course of action might present itself after we've had some tea. Tea? Can't say a little something wouldn't slip down easy after a day on my feet. It isn't right. I'm sure Miss Lane would have no objection to Twister joining us. Our telegraph apparatus, it's never failed. It's like Miss Lane is what holds everything together. Without Miss Lane... Without Miss Lane, we have to help each other and not let circumstances overwhelm us. Well, I think she should be told.No! She's given us this responsibility. We have to deal with this ourselves. About that tea. "You're not as clever as you think." BELL RINGING Fisher. I think you have a parcel for me. And the hat. Don't forget the hat. Working man like me has standards to maintain. Here, a pocket full of pennies for holding the door for them Candleford toffs. And sixpence for taking a gentleman's horse while he answered the call of nature. Earning your keep at last, are you? # Maids, when you're young never wed an old man. # He'll do for me. What are you so hen cheerful for anyway? PLAYING A JOLLY TUNE Queenie. If someone has a belt, some feathers and silver sixpence and a sprig of rosemary, what might that mean? Black feathers? Men! Blessed innocents, every one. That combination is the best thing women know for keeping grey hairs at bay. OWL HOOTING MUFFLED SOUND What shall we do? Thomas! You can never wake a sleep walker or they'll drop dead and never wake at all. MISS LANE: Laura! Ask Miss Lane. She'll know. No! She must not be troubled. No, follow Thomas. We must make sure hecomes to no harm. PANTING Laura, I thought I heard noises. Oh, it was just me. I was getting myself ready for tomorrow. I didn't mean to disturb you. COUGHING Is there anything I can get you? Minnie is taking such good care of me. Tea and more tea. Flowers on my tray. Always flowers. She's a born nurse. Who'd have thought it? Are you feeling any better? Why? Are you in such a rush to lose your new position? I'm... I'm managing. Although I should not like to do so permanently. Oh, Laura. You remind me very much of myself at your age. You should get some rest now. You have all my confidence and all my trust... ..and a little of my envy. Because when you spread your wings for the very first time, and realise you really can fly... ..it's so magical, is it not? Minnie! What are we going to do? We'll think of something, somehow. Minnie, not a word of this to Miss Lane, do you understand? Go after him. Make sure he's all right. I will. MISS PRATT: Do you not see, this way, we show our clientele that we cater both for the ingenue and the women of maturity. I have held you back long enough, Ruby. I shall do so no more. My dear, I think you have made a conquest already. BELL RINGING SNORING I'm so sorry, Mrs Larkham. Our postman was unwell this morning. I assure you it won't happen again. Oh, Mr Stokes. I believe some of your post was also misdelivered. I'm sure we have a letter for you here. It's considered customary to show your appreciation! Some people have no class. Twister! You cannot demand money for holding the door! I ain't demanding, I'm just saying it's a matter of common courtesy. Yesterday's lot understood. Made near on a shilling. You made...? ! You can't! I mean, you mustn't. Why not? Ain't I doing a good job? It's not a job, Twister! It's... It's not a job. But I sat down with you for staff tea. I was bringing money home. I'm sorry. BELL RINGING Laura, you should know that we have had another telegraphic communication. Mr Dowland's stockbroker enjoins him to invest in a six-letter commodity which might be copper, cotton or cobalt. He further suggests Mr Dowland pays no more than what might be 13, 14, 18 or perhaps even 19 shillings for the hundredweight. The malfunctioning of our apparatus is a disaster that can be kept from Miss Lane no longer. SOBBING FISHER: Laura. Go away. Please. Just go away. Laura, your hand, it's bleeding. I don't know how. What it is it? Don't touch it, please. BELL RINGING Ladies. CLEARING THROAT I'm looking for a gift, something pretty that a woman might... pin on her dress. Or... In her hair. DOOR CLOSING BOTH: MrDowland. Ladies... I have an item which I would like giftwrapped and even though I didn't purchase it it in your fine establishment... Say no more. Ruby? How her young fingers do fly. The dexterity of youth. This gift, would it be for a young lady, someone perhaps ofmy sister's age or for a woman of more mature years such as myself? Let's say somewhere between. What a... What a soft item it is. A drape perhaps or a scarf? A small token for our sick neighbour. Poor Miss Lane, such a dear old friend. She and I go back, well, I hardly dare say how long. Ruby, won't remember of course. A ribbon now can be worn at any age. I myself would not scorn such an ornament. As to the colour. Scarlet. A bold choice and threepence a yard. I'll have two yards, giftwrapped. Miss Lane's indisposition leaves a sad gap in our society but we must try and fill it. I wonder, would you care to take tea with us this afternoon? Shall we say four? There. How much do I...? No no. Thank you. Thank you. Let us hope Mr Dowland delivers it himself. Influenza is ruinous to the complexion. Pearl! Poor Miss Lane. Poor Miss Lane has had her chance, now it's your turn. I cannot accept this. You must tell Mr Dowland it is too extravagant. He said you'd say that. I'm to tell you it's not extravagant, it's advertising. He has got shares in the company and when everyone sees you wearing it, they'll all want one themselves and he will make his fortune, again. Cashmere is my one weakness. I don't know, I am too tired to think. That's what you get for sitting up all morning. You close your eyes and I'll bring you some of that thingy seal tea later. Open the window before you leave. I like to hear the noise from the street. And if I find you out of your bed, I shall invite Miss Ellison up to read those sermons to you aloud. It's not like she hasn't offered. You are taking such good care of me, Minnie. I'd do anything for you ma'am. I would. You don't know who sent it? Or why they might want to torment you. Perhaps you should tell Miss Lane. No, I will not tell Miss Lane! Miss Lane is ill, why can't no-one see that? We are not such children that we should be disturbing our mother on her sick bed. Then what will you do? Did you just get bored? Is that what...? LOUD GASPING Minnie! COUGHING LABOURED BREATHING GASPING Passed through Candleford on my way home. Did you see Laura? Laura wasn't my business in Candleford. You were. Two yards. You might trim a hat or wrap it a few times round that little waist of yours. Have you done something? You have such a suspicious mind. It is a present, Emmie, no-strings, no secrets, a gift. Ethel, fork not fingers. It's beautiful. You can't afford it. All right, I got it because I thought you might need cheering up. Cheering up? Why? I haven't been gloomy. Have I been gloomy? If you must know, I found a certain little bag containing certain objects and I asked Queenie what it might mean. And she told me. So now perhaps we might drop this subject so that certain little pitchers listening at this moment don't go around telling the whole of Lark Rise your business. For what it is worth... I can't say you've got any. No. I haven't. You must not get up from the table. Where? It's only one or two. Where? Here. And there is one there and there. ALL LAUGHING They were all addressed to the girl in the Post Office. I thought they were for me. Look what he did to poor Miss Polly. Now he's coming for me. This man, your father... He isn't my father. He's my mother's husband. Fearful of him? Was he harsh? Did he... ..hurt you? If I was bad... Beat you? If I was bad, he beat my ma and my sisters and if one of them did something he didn't like, he beat me. He said, "You remember the lesson better now, right?" This man, he can't take you away by force. If you are in service, your parents must have signed your indentures. Legally, you belong here. He's right. But they didn't sign them. I did. They never knew, thought I'd just upped and went like my sisters. I have no right to be here and now he knows where I am. You're safe here. You're with us. He hates the people I love and he hurts me and no-one can stop him. No-one can ever stop him. SOBBING Miss Lane thinks I can do this. She thinks I'm like her but I'm not. And I can't. I can't be the one responsible, it's too hard. Do you really think that? Or are you just saying that so that I tell you that you can. You've the wit and the will for anything. You think you can take people apart like clocks. It is an honest question now. Why is your kind of honest always about finding fault? That's not true. It is when you're talking to me. "Oh, I think I'm a catch. "I've got an opinion of myself. "I'm this, I'm that. "Oh, I'm just looking for praise." You've never said one true thing to me that didn't hurt. I'll tell you one true thing. You're all I think about. All day, all night... ..all the time. You didn't say. I'm saying now. I don't understand. I have to go. In the end, I'll have to go. You're here now. I'll tell you a true thing. I'm scared to tell Miss Lane about Minnie. About the telegraph apparatus being broken. That Thomas sleepwalks all night and cannot make his rounds in the day. I'm scared not only because she is ill and should be allowed to rest... ..but because it will mean that I have failed. And I cannot bear to fail. I think perhaps that's my one weakness. Miss Lane! When one sees a face day-in, day-out, one is wont to forget how lovely it is. Pearl! For reasons... Oh, reasons become so tangled, there's no getting to the bottom of them. But I have held you too tight to my side for too long. The best of your life lies before you still. Mine is passed. That's the truth of it. And, whatever his origins, Mr James Dowland has proved himself a man amongst men. Now, when he is here you must come forward. You were as quiet as a mouse this morning. If I am to come forward, then you must go back. Sometimes there's not room for both of us, conversationally speaking. Mr Dowland. Mr Dowland. Ladies. Shall we go through? Please, I need your help! It's Miss Lane! The doctor's in Oxford. He's not expected back until tomorrow. She's so cold. There is a doctor in Fordlow, if someone could ride. Not Fordlow. It would take too long. Lark Rise. WEAK COUGHING Miss Lane? Minnie... WEAKLY: She screamed. Where's Minnie? So, you didn't care for being married to an old man, was that it? It's not that. It's just... Everything seems so perfect at the moment. There's money coming in, the children well. You and me. I suppose I just wanted everything to stop where it is. I keep pictures in my mind. The night Laura was born... you holding her in the bed. The doctor with snow on his hat. The day Edmund tried to teach Ethel to fly. SNIGGERING If you could stop it where it is, Emmie, there would be no more moments to turn into memories. When did you get to be so wise and accepting? It's the grey hairs. There's gravitas in their wick. Do I get to keep the ribbon, now? Seriously, there are parts of me that would look very special with a scarlet ribbon on. LAUGHING Is she here? I've checked the outbuildings, no sign. What if he came for her? The man who calls himself her stepfather? What if he came like a thief in the night and took her from us? We must telegraph the police in Oxford. It's broken, the telegraph apparatus. Then someone must ride to the nearest town.Mr Dowland! Oh, he's gone to Lark Rise. It's a Wheatstone. The workings of this dial was designed by a clockmaker. I can fix it, but I don't know how long it'd take. I'll stay with Miss Lane. You and Miss Ellison must go around Candleford. If Minnie's been taken, someone must've seen something. Someone must have heard. She wouldn't have gone quietly. SNORING CARRIAGE RATTLING It's little James! I need you to come with me. The doctor is in Oxford and Miss Lane... She's worse? She must have fallen. The window was open. She is so cold. Is she flushed? Yes. Shaking or still? Still. Very still. And her breathing? Shallow, like there's a weight on her chest. MUTTERING I'm coming to Miss Lane, but you must tell me why. But I've just told you, because she's sick. That's why I am doing it for her. Why am I doing it for you? I've seen you, boy and man. You built yourself up, made yourself strong. And you ARE strong. But I'm telling you now, the words you don't speak will choke you in the end. So, come on. Here, now, where there's just you and me and not a soul else to hear us. You tell me why I'm going to her. Because I know what it's like to wake up in a world when the sun's gone out of it. Your mother was a rare joy to know. But Miss Lane is stronger. Good day, sir. Madam. It's all in the wrist action, see. Not everyone can do that. I sat down with them! For staff tea! Staff tea, she called it. Staff tea. It's cold. Why is it so cold? PANTS: I asked Minnie to open the window. Where is Minnie? She'll be back soon. She's only gone out on a delivery. Queenie! Oh, look at you, you poor child. Mrs Turrill? That's right. And everything's gonna be all right. You can leave her with me now. LAURA: If he had a horse, he could be anywhere with her by now. If that is the case, we must mount a search party. Nothing. No-one saw anything, no-one heard anything. It's done, you can telegraph the police in Oxford. Unto thee will I cry. Oh, Lord, my rock. Be not silent to me, BOTH: Lest if thou be silent to me... I become like them that go down into the pit. Hear the voice of my plea for mercy when I cry to you for help. When I lift up my hands... URGENT KNOCKING My Lord! Millie! We were so scared. So scared! I brought her home, see. But I ain't letting her in if he's here. That monster she's running away from. Had the notion if she'd stayed he'd have tried to hurt Miss Lane. That man is not under this roof and never shall be whilst Thomas Brown draws breath. When my mother and father forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Psalm 27. You have the Lord... and you have the Post Office. And neither will fail you. I wonder if one of you might explain to me what exactly is going on here. I thought Mr Dowland showed a certain regard for you. But it seems it is and always has been Miss Lane to whom Dowland's thoughts turn. I can only say that for a man of discernment he's a fool when it comes to matters of the heart. Pearl... I do like Mr James Dowland. But... ..I'm not sure I like him well enough to have him always about me. And if we'd married and he'd come to live with us, we should never have been rid of him. What can you mean? If you had married Mr Dowland, he would not have lived here. Where else should he have lived? Why, you would have lived with him, of course, in his home. But I always supposed if one of us were to marry, the gentleman would come and live with us, over the shop. As did Papa. Ruby, what notions you do have. But I should not care to live with a husband and no sister. I should not care for that at all. I think I should die of loneliness. These belong in the fire. For the attention of... How should I address your stepfather? I know how I'd like to address him. JohnMude. For the attention of Mr JohnMude... ..regarding the sending of malicious correspondence and items to... My given name is Winifred. ..Miss Winifred Mude, of the Post Office, Candleford. Stop. Under section 61, paragraph 12 of Post Office articles, it is an offence under law to dispatch such correspondence... Miss Lane. ..through the auspices of the Royal Mail. And, as such, is punishable by up to two years in prison and a fine of £100. Miss Lane. Yes, what is it, Thomas? There is no section 61, paragraph 12, ma'am. You are quite right. Why limit myself? Five years in prison and a fine of £200. Do you have that? And if that doesn't scare him, Thomas, you shall have to. Be my pleasure, ma'am. The indentures may be a little trickier. But my solicitor will attend tomorrow. Hopeful of taking my will, no doubt. I think we can put him to better use. Am I safe, then? Oh, Minnie. You are ours. And no-one shall take you from us. Oh, Miss Lane. Miss Lane. And now, I think I should return to my bed. Thank you. I can manage quite well on my own. ALL: Good night, Miss Lane. Well... I believe I shall take my leave of you as well. Good night. Good night, sir. Good night, James. Night, James. WHISPERS: Eavesdropping? I find myself more tired than I thought. I imagine such creativity must be draining. You think I acted improperly? Illegally, even? I think you acted magnificently. I think you are magnificent. Mr Dowland... James. I wonder, would you give me the favour of your arm? 'It seemed to me that all the threads of all the stories 'being played out around Miss Lane met and crossed in her hands. 'Such clever, capable hands.' Ladies, you look very well. That colour is most becoming to both of you. So good to see you fully recovered, Miss Lane. 'It was easy to forget that fate was also busy spinning a story. 'And none of us knew how it would play out.' 'So little time, shouldn't we make the most of what we have? ' Miss Lane, perhaps you do not understand. Until I receive the part, the clock cannot be finished. The urgency is great enough. I believe it possible that someone in this room has acted in a manner unbefitting of Post Office employee. Oh, Margaret! Oh, Thomas! The date of the inauguration is set. Everything is set. I'm aware of your plans. Then you will see to it that no action Officer down! I'm in the freaking bedroom. Come on, I'm in the bedroom! Come and get me! Come on, man. This isn't... - Is he wearing underwear? I don't know. Think it's funny, right? Come on, just give me the key. Unlock me. Come on, unlock me. John, no, don't do that. That's not right. Don't, stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop. Three officers started out the day thinking they had nothing in common. By end of shift, two of them found out this was not true. What happened to Dr. Breslow? - He retired rather suddenly, I'm afraid. - Did he get shot? - What? Uh, no. - No? - No, no. Thought maybe a hostage situation or something. Yes. - How long you been doing this? Um, this is my second day. Your sec...? All right. Well, you're doing good. - Well, uh, thank you very much. - Yeah, sure. What kind of practice did you have before this? Private. The well-off worried should their kids transfer from Crossroads to Harvard-Westlake? Someone got a better facelift than someone else. That sort of thing. I went to Harvard-Westlake. Oh. I transferred out after a semester. My father stopped paying the tuition. - How'd you feel about that? - What? How did you feel about that? I was pretty confused at that point. My, uh... My father walked out on my mom and me. We were living in this big house off of Sunset. I started going to public school. Dr. Breslow mentioned that there was a violent incident in your childhood. Is that right? Would you mind my asking what happened? My father's a defense attorney. One of his clients broke into our house. My father had already split. My mom and I were there. Go on. They beat her up. You saw this? Yeah, I did. How old were you? I was 10. So you're 10 years old, your father walks out on you drug dealers beat up your mom, and it's fine? And now I'm a cop. Thank you, Dr. Freud. It says here that this is your last session. How do you feel about the shooting? I'm okay with it. I didn't enjoy it. It was unavoidable. Some guys, they work 20 years and never have to shoot anybody. Yeah, so it's weird, how much it means to guys like that. I'm okay with it. Good. Good. Good. All right, well, I'm gonna go to work. All right, well, I, uh... I wish you luck. Yeah, you too. - So that wraps it up there, right? Yep. Being from Beverly Hills and all, you must have been in lots of therapy. Yeah, it's definitely not my first time at the rodeo. - What about you? You ever been in therapy? - Yeah. When my marriage ended. It was good. Worked some things out. Six Adam 43, may have a possible stolen vehicle at 455 Tiffany Circle. What the hell does that mean? Donte? Po-po's here. Yeah. All right. Peace. Sir, your car was stolen? Yeah. Azure got jacked. Playoffs coming up, dude. I can't be in that kind of trouble. Could you be more specific? Went out last night, hit some places came home, some people came to chill and the Bentley Azure got jacked. So you wanna file a police report for a stolen vehicle? You ever go for some strange? Excuse me? All right. All right, come here. Come here. Ahem. I'm married, all right? My wife is in St. Barts with Donte Jr. She has this dog, a Great Dane. I don't give a fuck about the car. Insurance will cover it. But you gotta get me the dog back. Now, she comes home tomorrow. Gotta get me the dog. I got some pictures of it somewhere. Sir, do you or do you not want to file a police report? I'm married, motherfucker. I can't be filing no report. So women took the car? Yeah, women took the car. - And you don't wanna file a report? - You ain't listening, bro. Protect and serve, motherfucker. You got something against me? I got rights. Sir, you have to file a police report. We're not private detectives. All right. All right, all right. I got a better idea. I go with you, we go looking around. I got some ideas where the bitches be at. Wait here, let me change, all right? Ten, 15 minutes. I can't even... Fifteen Adam 85, a possible overdose at 3321 Mulholland. Ha, ha. Possible overdose now. - 2791. RD- 1579. They said they'd been doing drugs, she started to choke. I guess she was overdosing, they'd been partying all night. Anyway, she's choking, he panics, says he wanted to give her a tracheotomy. I guess he missed. So I guess it's a suspicious death, right? No. No, it's not a suspicious death. This isn't a frigging Agatha Christie novel. There's accidental death, suicide and homicide. This is homicide. He's going in for murder. You should give him one of your dad's cards. This guy? He's gonna need a good lawyer. Let's go. Why are you arresting me? I tried to save her life. With a Bic pen? I just got shot. Where are we? - I don't know. Every time I turn, look at the sign. - You gotta know where we are. - I got it. This is it. This is it. Put the gun down. Shoot her, shoot her! I spent all weekend with this scumbag, and then he stops payment on the check! I spent three days with this scumbag and then he stops payment... Put it down! Put the gun down. Put the gun down now. We'll deal with that later! - Put your gun down right now! Put the gun down! Put the gun down right now! Please don't shoot me. I'm begging you, please don't. Get her, get her, get her. She's gonna kill me. Put your hands on the car. What? - Turn around. - Wait a minute. - Put your hands on the car. - I'm the star of the movie. - That's Timmy freaking Davis, man. - I thought you retired. Retired? Bitch filed for divorce. She wants half of my pension? Hell with that. - Besides, I miss you guys. Why don't you arrest him? I spent three days with him, doing every single thing he wants and then he bounces my check? All right. I'll write you another... It's a misunderstanding. I didn't have enough money. I love your movies. Really? - Huge fan. I love Body Bag. - You should be. Body Bag 2 is coming out. It's the bomb. Aw, sweet. Go down to the station. Talk with the detectives. - Oh, no. I'm shooting a movie right now. - I understand that. - We can smooth this out. Smooth it out? What are you...? You know what? Maybe you should retire. She's pointing a loaded gun at him. This is ADW. She's going to jail. Look, come on, guys. I'll just write her another check. - He'll write another check. No big deal. How about we clear it up with the detectives? Or we can do that. I got him. I got him. I got him. You go with her, okay? I got him. Give me the weapon. Hey, I'm... - Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go. - Okay. Officer Dudeck, is it? Okay. Bring him in, Dewey. I gotta get changed. All right, all right, all right. - You start taking witness statements. Come here. I'll get your cuffs back to you. You're booking him for murder? Yes, we are. This isn't a murder. I didn't murder anyone. Well, when the coroner's report comes back, we'll see. But right now it's a 187 PC. And you're bailing him out anyway. - So what's the difference? - The victim's sister is here. He was trying to help her. He should get an award for this. Right. You get awards for saving lives, not taking them. Miss Campbell? Mm-hm. Why don't you have a seat, okay? Just... Just tell me. She's... She's dead, right? Yes. I'm very sorry. She OD'd, right? Well, we're not exactly sure. What the hell does that mean? She was doing some drugs. She passed out and the man who she was with tried to do a tracheotomy on her and he cut her carotid artery and she bled to death. There was no reason for him to leave. - He was... I understand. We're working on it. Good luck. Good luck on the movie. Yeah. Is that the director? - Oh, yeah. Dude. Hold on, baby. What's up? Hey, guess what? L... I did hire your dad. And I hooked up with your sister again. We're all going out tonight. You wanna cruise? Baby? Yeah, guess who I'm standing here with. Yeah. It's for you. Hey, Olivia. Yeah? Wanna search my trailer? Yeah. I'll call you later, yeah. - So you coming out tonight or what? No. Yeah, baby. Isn't that crazy? You think you are the only ones who work? Keep me waiting for an hour? Okay. So let me get this straight. Therapy in the morning, a little chitchat on the phone. You wanna go to Spago for lunch? - I hate that place. The guys are too old. - Shut up. What the hell are you doing? People become cops for two reasons: They need the paycheck or they like to carry a gun and tell people what to do. All right, now, you... Ha. You surely don't need the money. I don't think you're a freak. So, what the hell are you doing here? - I'm a cop, same as you're a cop. - Oh, bullshit, Richie Rich. When I joined, this was the only job I could get making 30 thou a year. It's better than digging ditches. I left my wallet in my trailer, bro. Oh, be cool, man. That's embarrassing. Give me a C-note. Come on. Thanks. Let's go. Let's go, come on. Wait, wait, wait. You're gonna drive. We're gonna have a cigar. Dewey, are you kidding me? You can't smoke in there. Who cares? Lighten up a little bit. Yeah, lighten up, sweetheart, okay? Have some fun. Hey. You guys go ahead! You ever think about acting? You know, like in the movies, like me? - That works for you? Huh? Women actually go for that? Women go for anything I do. Women go for it. - She's a drag. Go on. All units, a 211 in progress at 402 Genesee. Two male Caucasians wearing dark clothing. Whoa. Light them up. Hold on, darling. Go. Officer needs assistance. Two suspects heading northbound on Genesee between the businesses. Run, run! Five-0's on you, baby. He's gaining on you. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop! Stop! Stop. Down. Face down, arms at your side, now! Down. Spread them! Six Adam 43, show suspects in custody at the rear of 1321/2 Genessee. Copy that, Six Adam 43. One thirty-two and a half? That's right. Those the guys that beat you? No, that's not them. Of course that's them. I saw them beating her. Could you step inside, please? Put them in the tank. Look. I know what's going on here. These guys, they're hassling you every week, right? You don't have to pay these people. Is it just these two, or are there more? Could you get my wig, please? It's... We're the police. We will protect you. Look, you seem like a lovely gentleman but who the hell do you think you're kidding? Tell Dewey to take our suspect back with him. I'm gonna stay here. See if she'll change her mind. Bentley and a Great Dane. Want me to call it in? No. Anyway, I got this broad, I got her bent her over a sofa, right? But I'm inebriated, right? I'm intoxicated. And I pass out on top of her, and I'm smoking a cigar... We're gonna hand you over our suspect. We gotta stay here. - Fine. - Was Dewey in the back seat with him? Don't ask. Ma'am, we're gonna transfer you over now. I had a Bentley once. For a week. Hey! Hey, come on. You can't park there. Jesus. Ma'am, out of the car, please. I'd rather stay with you. Now, please. Come on. Thanks. - Dewey, where is he? - Who? I don't know. He must have escaped. You're such an asshole. Watch your head. Hey, I'm sorry. Whoa, whoa. Hey, man. I don't wanna lose that. Do you feel bad about what you told her? What? What, "we're the police, we'll protect you"? Yeah. No. You don't lie to them like that, nobody ever gets put away. But we can't protect them. Those guys are gonna come back. Or two more just like them. It is what it is. This domestic we're going to, they're tricky. You gotta be on your guard. You get there and she's screaming at you to lock up the asshole who beat her up. Go to put the cuffs on him, next thing you know she's trying to rake your eyes out for locking up her beloved. - Yeah, I got it. - Oh, yeah? Mommy and Daddy didn't get along? Little trouble in Beverly Hills? What is your problem? Well, you never said why you learned to shoot. You said where, but you never said why. - I wanted to learn. - Yeah. Nobody shoots like you who didn't spend a lot of time doing it. Just doesn't equate, Bijan. How'd you learn? My dad taught me. In between stints in prison. Why don't you try...? - Open your ears and shut your mouth! Try to be a man! Maybe you'll learn something! I should punch you in your mouth! I should punch you! This asshole has been hitting me again. I've been screaming all day. You're a fucking liar! Yes, you have! - Oh, get out of here. Hey, hey! - Hey! Shut up! All right, listen... Shut up right now! Shut up! - Where are the kids? - They're in school, where do you think? - You know what? You... I'm sick of this. I'm not coming back here anymore. - Put your hands on my badge. - What? - What for? - I'm giving you a divorce. You tripping. You can't do that. Sure I can. Put your hand on my badge. - Right hand. Get... Don't. Get... - I said, don't touch me. - Don't touch me. You get your goddamn hands off... - Don't touch me! Get off me, get off me! Oh, crap. You get... You watching this? - All right now. Okay. Do you wanna do this? Do you wanna do this? Ah, please. Please! - What you gonna do? - You got a choice right now. You put your hand on my badge, and we take care of this. Now. Right hand. By the power vested in me by the state of California I now pronounce you divorced. Now pack your bag and get the fuck out of here. Go! You heard him. Get out! Yeah, why don't you get off your ass sometime... Ah! Get out. - Get your ass off the couch sometimes. Look at this kitchen. Mop the kitchen floor sometimes. Walk, walk! Broke! Broke ass! I'll be back for your ass. - Shut up! That's for damn sure. - Oh, please. - You heard him, right? You believe it. - You hear that? - Yeah. Yeah, I do. Okay. No, I gotta call you back. Why the hell you wearing a puss, huh? You had a good day. Made a bust, pulled a gun off the street. Dewey, you let him go. That's gonna come back to haunt us. We needed his statement. Why you gotta make such a big deal out of everything? You've gotta be kidding me. I put my ass on the line for you. I gave you another shot when no one else would work with you. No one. And now I'm gonna get in trouble? For this? For that asshole? So you can impress him with what a big man you are? You know what, Dewey? I actually care about my job. If this is the way you do police work, I want a new partner. You on the rag? Hm? This shift is freaking over, man. Relax. She, uh, acted a little bit. Barry was a producer. Uh, she tried to write. I'm a writer. - Oh, yeah? - Mm-hm. What do you write? I just published my second novel. That's... - That's tremendous. - Mm. Don't tell me you wanna write. Well... Busted. I would, uh... I would think that the things that you witness would be very interesting. And heartbreaking. Have you tried? Yeah. Yeah, I have. - Short stories. Very short. - Mm. I teach a class. You should come. I'm a really good teacher. - Yeah? - I would light a fire under your ass. You actually produce for my class or I throw your ass out. No excuses. Hey. - Hey. Um, we need to go do that interview. This is Keren Campbell. - I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you. So, where do you live now? Uh... In Los Feliz. Sweet. You all right? You all right? Of course I'm all right. Woo. Ha-ha-ha. Thanks, bro. Grab the tomatillo sauce. You know, if those kids were there, I'd have handled that differently. The only way it ends is if one of them leaves. But they never do. That or one of them kills the other one. Round and round. It never ends. So fucking sick of it. Your dad ever hit your mom? Have to call West Latte police station, have them come over? Man, what is it with you? Enough. Tomatillo sauce. Can I get some napkins? This thing's a class three. - How the hell did you get a permit for this? - I didn't. - Our props guy... Hey, man. Hey! Props guy, he hooked me up. He converted it from a semi to full auto. - Hey, baby. This is my friend, uh, Dewey. Wow. Is that a costume? Yeah, I'm one of the Village People. You the Y, the W, the C or the A, huh? Hey, be cool, man. - Rambo. - I know. Hey, this mother fires real live ammo, okay? Coyote! Dead coyote. You like that thing? Text all your little buddies? I don't get it. I want less ways for people to reach me, not more. Oh, the lone wolf. That's right, hombre. You got yourself a hot date? Yeah, it's my half-sister. Don't you Beverly Hills folks date your sisters? There's nothing wrong with that, right? Oh. Pull it over. Hey, guys. How you doing tonight? License and registration, please. - I got it in here somewhere. - How you doing? - Uh, we're fine. - This is registered to Donte Johnson. I know. He gave it to me. It's a present. What's the dog's name? I do not recall. Come on, ladies. You took the car, you took the dog. No, no, no. It ain't even like that. No. Donte is a real close friend. I got a lot of close friends. - You boys feel like a party? - No. You sure? He's sure. Well, you can pet him. He's real nice and friendly. True story. I'm on this domestic call, right? Husband and wife. This chick's been beat down. Two black eyes. She's crying. I'm feeling bad. What do you say to a woman who's got two black eyes? What? - Nothing. He done told that bitch twice. Aha! What's the matter? There's a bunch of girls here. Be cool. - I'm an actor. Know your audience. All right, hey. I need new material. Can you help me? You do need new material. You can't have her. Whoa. Wait, wait. You can't have her. You know, I always knew, one way or another that this guy would do her in. You know, I'd send her to Hazelden. She would stay straight for a few months, and then Barry would call and he would say that he'd straightened up and they needed each other, and she would go back to him. Every time. Why do women do that? Why do they go back to the men that hurt them? I don't know. It's a terrible disease. No. You know what? Screw that. Lou Gehrig had a disease. Muhammad Ali has a disease. Michael J. Fox has a disease. Franklin D. Roosevelt. I don't... I don't... Oh, God. You're hilarious. Are you married? - Yeah. - Mm. - I am. - Too bad. Wanna go surf tomorrow? Where? I don't know. We could make a day of it and drive up the coast. - Stop at the Fish Shack on the way back. - Cool. Can Adam come? - Which one's Adam? - I met him in sixth grade. He's Samoan. Sure. What is it? Hey. Hey, I need you to come get me right now. - Where are you? - I don't know, I'm in Hollywood somewhere. - I'm at Davis' place. - No way. I'm fucked up right now. Okay? I need you. Why don't you call your wife, Dewey? Get her to come. Wait, wait, listen to me. Listen to me. I got a disorder, all right? I know I'm an ass, but... I'm an alcoholic, okay? I'm working on the ninth step. - I need to make amends with you. - Tonight? Now. Right now. - Yeah? I don't care about the car, Mannix. I just want the damn dog. - So you still won't press charges? - No, dog. Just bring the car, the animal, whatever, back over to me here. I'll take care of y'all. Do I look like Anthony Pellicano? Good luck in the playoffs, dog. Let's go. Ladies, you have a good night. Thank you. What? What's the address? We gotta make a little stop. Hot fuzz. You all right, dude? Officer down! I'm in the freaking bedroom. Come on, I'm in the bedroom! Come and get me! Come on, man. This isn't... - Is he wearing underwear? I don't know. Think it's funny, right? Come on, just give me the key. Unlock me. Coop, unlock me, okay? Uh, hang on there. - No, don't do that. That's not right. That's not cool. Don't do that, don't do that. Rogue's gallery. Okay? Some people say it doesn't exist. - Now you know. Unlock it. We document the colossal fuck-up. The indescribably grotesque. - The profane. Come on. The ridiculous. The sacred. Unlock me, man! Now! Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Hold on. Better get this. Here. Ow. Ow. - I don't want you to lose that. - Oh, shit. Give me the key. No, you got yourself into this, you get yourself out. You're gonna just leave me here? - Where's your gun? My pants are right here. Ow. Ow. Ow. Where's the gun, dude? It's... Some chick took it. Pray she's still here. I swear to God, Coop, I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna freaking kill you, Coop. Stop moving. Stop moving. You got a pass today. Next time, I call your parole officer and you're going in. Come on. Dance. Dance. Forget about him. Forget about him. What's the deal with your back? - It's an old injury. - Yeah? No big deal. You ever try acupuncture? Ha, ha. I've tried everything. Are you guys okay? We're used to this. Our aunt's coming to pick us up. You got your stuff? Yeah. Shut up and let me get my stuff so I can get out of here. Oh, your boys are back. Shh. Mutual combat. I came back to get my stuff. You ain't got stuff. They're both going in. - What? Get up. Six Adam 43, request transpo, our location. Turn around. Hands behind your back. Hands behind your back. Palms together. Palms together. Well, you happy now? Yes. I bet you are. - Next time you're going out on a stretcher. By whom? See if you can walk out next time. I'm the victim. Look at my face. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in court. You have the right to an attorney before and during any questioning. You still didn't answer my question. Yeah? Which one? You got a look on your face at the domestic. Leads me to think Daddy beat up Mommy. - It was worse than that. - Mm. Nothing's worse than that. Believe me, I know. - Oh, yeah? - Oh, yeah. My old man is the biggest asshole who ever lived. What did yours do? I already told you. All right, all right. No. You wanna know? All right, I was 10. My mom, she's a little, uh... She's a little fragile. My dad walks out on her. And these drug dealers he represented, they broke into the house. They beat the hell out of her. I mean, just... I went to defend her and they knocked out my teeth. And after that, I... I had some trouble sleeping, so... So I learned to shoot, all right? End of story. Now will you get off my back? My old man's a bigger asshole than that. Is he dead? No. No, he's, uh... He's around. In prison. He raped and murdered someone. You have a good night. Thank you. Look, um, I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this because I'm afraid one of the doctors is gonna notice. How much of that stuff are you taking? You worried about me? Yeah, John, I'm worried about you. You're working nonstop. I know you're in pain. I'm fine. I'm fine. It's worse than when we were married. I'll get it. Welcome, sir. - Can I help you? Yeah, uh, Sherman party, please. Right this way, sir. Ben. Dude. Dad heard you were coming, so he wanted to come say hello. Ben. Hello. [Wedeck] On October 6th, the planet blacked out for two minutes and 17 seconds. The whole world saw the future. - Tell me. - It's a girl. You disappear to Los Angeles. You don't return my calls. I'm worried about you. We all are. I know when a man is willing to sacrifice anything for his cause, and you're not that kind of man, Agent Benford. I need a favor. A big favor. It's for Tracy. Hi, Dad. What I saw, what you saw, doesn't have to play out that way. - What are you talking about? - [Al] I found a way to change the game. [# Pearl Jam: Unthought Known] [Al] Dear Celia. I don't know your last name, and I don't know where you live. But I know you have two young boys. Twins, I believe. And I know you didn't have a flash forward. [Song continues] [Man] They saw FBI Agent Al Gough alive on April 29th. What this guy apparently was trying to show us is we can't take what we saw for granted. [Man 2] Bottom line is this is a new world, this is a new day, and I just think we need to take a moment and let that sink in. [Man] What we need to have answered right now is the question, is there going to be another world blackout? People are terrified. [Man 2] Let's get back to the big question. - [man] The big question. - [man 2] Do we have free will? [Man] The central question of human existence for millennia. [Clears throat] If this is supposed to be your resignation, you can forget it. You're not gonna let me explain myself? You were attacked, you were shot. You returned to duty to find out a co-worker jumped off a building. Am I in the right ballpark here? My life's not making a whole lot of sense right now, and I think I need a little time off to figure it out. Totally understandable, but I need you here. I know we've been shorthanded since the blackout. But ever since Gough... - Since Al... - This isn't about Al. Yes, it is. When I found out about what he did and why he did it, it just really made me think about my own future. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Do I lean into what I saw? Do I fight it? What if my getting shot was... I don't even know, some... some sort of a sign that this baby's not meant to be? You're gonna let a bullet decide whether or not you bring a baby into this world? If Al's death proved anything, it's that our choices still matter. Now, more than ever. Well, I believe, without reservation or recrimination, that your card is the ace of spades! [Simon] Well, that certainly answers that question. I've been wondering how a Nobel finalist and the recipient of the MacArthur Prize spends his idle moments. This isn't the time or the place, Simon. You've dropped off the radar, Lloyd, without so much as a phone call. I've had to check myself into the hospital to have my bruised ego X-rayed. Hello, Dylan. Remember me? "Why, this is not my pancake!" We're not having this discussion in front of my son. Yeah, well, I'm done having you dictate when and where we talk. Myhill forwarded me the email you sent him. - I call it a suicide note. - It's the only logical move. If you're hell-bent on self-destruction, I suppose it is. I still have doubts as to the cause of the blackout. Our experiment killed 20 million people, Simon. Twenty million. Look, the world has been upended. People need answers. We have to go public and tell the world that we caused the blackout. All right. I guess we have to leave this room sometime. No, no, no. I have a reservation with the hotel that says different. Oh. Plus, you haven't opened your gift yet. Hmm! What's this? Just a little something to celebrate. - Oh, what are we celebrating? - Second chances, I guess. And the fact that we can change the things we saw. I never thought we couldn't, Mark. - [Cell phone ringing] - [Sighs] It's the office. I told them not to call unless it was an emergency, I promise. - Yeah? - [Demetri] Hey, it's me. This better be good, Dem. Yeah, I'm sorry, man. Something came up. Did you bring your laptop? Yeah. I'm sending you some video we got from Barstow PD this morning. Remember when you had Marcie plug the clues off the Mosaic board into NCIC? - You've got something? - Yeah. Barstow PD caught a homicide. Eyewitness managed to record it on her cell phone. When it hit the system, NCIC kicked back a red flag. - Why? - Stay tuned, man. I'm headed back right now. What do we have? Anything that might help us ID our tattooed friend? Not really. The victim, Neil Parofsky, is an aeronautics engineer. Works out of El Segundo. Watch, wallet missing, everybody's thinking robbery. Is that confirmed by whoever shot the cell phone video? Ingrid Alvarez. Yeah, she saw Parofsky hand something over before he got shot, - so she thought it was a mugging, too. - Great. First day back? I should've gotten you flowers. They're for your wife. For stitching me back together. And these are for you. Hard copy stills taken from that cell phone. Video forensics enhanced the images as best as they could. Now we just gotta figure out why someone would want to hit an engineer from El Segundo. Have Vreede get into Parofsky's life. Friends, family, bank accounts, whatever. - All right, what are we gonna do? - What was the name of that eyewitness? - Ingrid Alvarez. - We'll be talking to her. If the guy in her video is one of the men I saw in my vision, this is our best lead so far, our only lead, on putting him away now. Find out who sent him. And make sure he never shows up here on April 29th. Al sacrificed himself to prove we could change the future. So let's change it. Hey, honey. [Bryce] Everything OK? - [Olivia] Hey! - You're... You're back early. Yeah. Mark had a work thing. So, what's going on here? Oh, the usual. You haven't been gone that long. [Gasping] [Moaning, screaming] - [Sobbing] - It's all right. It's all right. - It's all right, baby. - Don't... I'm sorry. I'm... sorry. - Tracy... - I'm sorry. It's pathetic. Waking up every damn day like this. - Maybe if you just talk about it. - I told you... I don't want to talk about it. Well, I'm not giving you a choice anymore. I've been grieving for you for two years, Trace. Hell, I even had your grave exhumed two months ago because I was convinced that you were you were alive. If you want to keep hiding out here, if you want me to pretend to the world, your mom included, that you're still dead, you have to tell me what happened. After what I saw in my flash forward, I'd believe anything at this point. Listen to me, Trace. Four months from now, I'm gonna be sitting by your side in Afghanistan. You saw it. And I saw it. Isn't that why you came home? Obviously, at some point, I'm gonna get involved with whatever it is. So let's just cut to the chase and get started. [Olivia] How about the Simcoe boy? He was supposed to be discharged - while I was gone. - Not yet. He was complaining of calf pain, so we removed the cast, did a Doppler and the kid's got DVT. You're kidding me? Man, I am gonna be a grandmother before this boy goes home. I don't get it. Why are you so anxious to get rid of him? Is it his dad, Mr. Simcoe? - What makes you say that? - Just that... You guys have a weird relationship. I mean, every time he comes around you get crazy tense and... Dr. Benford. Actually, Dr. Varley just told me about Dylan's status. But what are the ramifications... Would it be safe to leave the boy for a while? I see you have him on heparin. Now, the risk of complications at that dose is relatively minimal. - Is that correct? - I'm sorry, you are? - Good question. - Friend of the family. Frankly, I was hoping to pry Lloyd away from the hospital for a while. A steak dinner, some fraternal martinis. Think you could sanction that? The boy is, essentially, ready to be discharged, if I've read his chart correctly. May I? Yeah. Barring any complications, I see no reason why Dylan couldn't go home in the next couple of days. Well, it's settled, then. You've been absolved of any guilt, parental or otherwise. Lovely. Thank you very much for your help. Of course. Dr. Varley. Nice legs. Are you sleeping with that woman? - That is none of your concern, Simon. - Everything you do is my concern now, since you pressed "send" on that idiotic email of yours. Which brings me to the purpose of my visit. I'm going public with or without Myhill's cooperation. Or yours. Good luck getting anyone to believe you. - Good luck stopping me. - It appears we're at an impasse. There are two ways to settle this. The first is, oh, so tawdry and public. Make a general annoyance out of myself. Kick over as many anthills as possible. Enough, Simon. Or we settle this in a more civilized manner. Define "civilized." Remember how we settled whose name'd go first on the application for the Sloan Fellowship? Texas Hold 'Em. No holds barred. You win, we go public, hang ourselves out to dry. I win, you keep your mouth shut, any guilt in check, - and we buy ourselves some more time. - [Scoffs] [Lloyd] You want to wager the fate of millions of people on the outcome of a poker game? The gods did it all the time. Dice, chess, whatever took their fancy. They loved tinkering with the lives of those mere mortals. We're not gods, Simon. Twenty million deaths on our shoulders, isn't that what you said? If that doesn't qualify us for godhood, tell me... what does? Let the games begin. [Demetri] Hey, what's Barstow PD doing here? [Mark] Let's hope three-star guy didn't get to our witness. Do you think she drives a gold sedan? [Sirens wailing] Maybe not anymore. Special Agent Benford, FBI. Detective Rick Malchiodi, Barstow PD. We think your victim might be an eyewitness in a homicide. - That's a hell of a coincidence. - How's that? Roommate says she witnessed a homicide, too. - Her roommate? - Yeah. Alvarez. Ingrid Alvarez. Came home from work, found her roommate there, double-tapped to the side of her head. Looks like they got the wrong roommate. [Simon] I believe it's to you. How much do you want to give me this round? Twenty-five hundred. [Simon] I hope you don't drag this game out as long as the last one. When you lose, you'll be able to console yourself that I've prevented you from confessing to a mass murder. Manchester figure of speech. Twenty-five hundred. I'll call. I don't understand. You're saying they killed Blanca, - but they were trying to kill me? - That's what it looks like to us, yes. And it's because of what happened in the alley? Now, Ingrid, what exactly did happen in the alley? We have the video, but it would really help us to get your account. I was working late. Me and one of my clerks. - Can't say I see you as a blonde. - I can't see you as a rock star, but that's what you say your vision was. - [Ingrid] I was locking up. - Want me to walk you to your car? - It's late. - I'll be fine. [Ingrid] I went to my car. But there were men in the alley. Three of them. They were fighting, arguing, but I couldn't hear what about. - But when it got physical, I hid. - [Man] Where is it? [Indistinct shouts] I called 911, but they put me on hold. I still can't believe I stayed calm enough to think to use my phone. [Gasping] - [Gunshot] - [Ingrid] My hand was shaking so much. [Shuddering] Now, you told the police the victim gave the other men something right before they shot him? [Grunts] [Ingrid] They were arguing about a case or something. - But I didn't see what it was. - What about the faces of the men? Do you think you could describe them? I didn't get a very good look. But I think one of them maybe had gray hair. The other one was bald and he was big, muscular. It was very dark. We're gonna sit you down with a sketch artist, all right? Whatever you can give us, if you can remember anything else, it could be a big help. OK? [Ingrid] As they were walking away, they were talking about something. It sounded like "QED." [Mark] Thank you. You guys read about that Inevitability Index thing that's been in the papers? Five thousand. It's a scam. Some entrepreneurial huckster's attempt to sell the idea that the odds of the future happening can be "calculated." It's all rubbish. Fate is fate. We're not responsible, Lloyd. - What about free will? - No such thing. Oh, since when did you become such a hard determinist? Simple quantum suicide theory. I will win this hand and every subsequent hand we play, ad infinitum. QED. Don't you get tired of hearing yourself pontificate? Don't you get tired of being a self-righteous prig? We're scientists, not attention-seeking reality show contestants looking for their 15 minutes of fame on a talk show. - You always do this. - What's that? Use intellectual argument to defend your behavior. - What? - OK, so you sleep with Cabrini's wife and you call it electromagnetism. Fire your assistant, blame it on Darwin. - Shut up. - You've upended the entire world and you hide behind determinist rhetoric. You're not the only one who's lost someone. Oh, who, Simon? Who have you ever cared about? I'll call. You see, I knew you were bluffing this entire time. You know why? Because there's no such thing as luck, or fate, or "there but for the grace of God..." This game is pointless. I've already won. The future's already happened. Fighting it is futile. Hey, Nicole. Nicole? Hey. You OK? Sorry. My mind wandered. - Guessing Mark told you what I saw. - He did, yeah. But only 'cause he's worried about you. We both are. You don't have to be. I'm gonna be fine. The future can change. It's all over the news. Hey, crazy huge floral delivery for the quintuplets. Can you give me a hand? Go, go, go. [Nicole] Don't worry, Olivia. You know, we can change what we saw. Just like we could before the blackout. Everything's back to being up to us again. [Tracy] Dad. My Humvee got attacked. Yeah. Your friend Mike told me that. But that was two years ago, Trace. Why didn't you go back to your base? I couldn't. The attack. We were fired on by supposed friendlies. - Marines? - Jericho PMC. - Private military contractors. - I've heard about them. - That doesn't explain... - Jericho works for the military, which means that I can't trust the military... Hold on a second. Why would you say you can't trust the military? About two weeks before my Humvee was attacked, I was working long-range recon on this village in the foothills near Kunar. I was alone. Orders were to stay covert so the locals wouldn't see me, but there must've been someone else out there. Jericho. And I watched them. I watched... as they wiped out a village. They killed women... and they butchered children. - They slaughtered them. - Why? Why would they wanna do that? I don't know, but I told my superior officer and about a week later, Mike and I pulled duty at a forward roadblock near the Kalakata mountains. And, out of nowhere, a Hajji truck breached our roadblock. We took off after them. - Damn! - Embrace the suck, Stark. - [Laughing] - [Tires screech] [Mike] Who the hell are these guys? Those aren't Hajjis! Burro! Burro! We're gonna get waxed! Go! - Help! - [Mike] Get out! [Screaming] [Gunfire echoing] [Tracy] I don't know how I survived. I thought I was the only one. [Moaning] [Yelling] [Sobbing] [Screaming] What's going on? You sounded freaked when you called. - Did you slip or something? - No, no, no. I just... Look. I didn't believe it myself. I took this picture at my house. Oh, my God. It's Tracy. - How? - How... Tracy would kill me if she knew I was talking to you, but... She was in a Humvee with three other soldiers. It got blown to hell, a bloody mess, body parts everywhere. - Including her leg. The DNA. - Right. - It got basically thrown into the mix. - And where has she... What has she been doing for the past two years? This is what I need to talk to you about. Basically, she's been on the run. She saw something she shouldn't have, and got in trouble with Jericho. - They're this... Yeah. - Yeah. Military contractors. They were the ones who attacked her. I know this sounds like something out of a Baldacci novel or something, but Tracy was dead, and now she's alive, so I... I really need your help, Mark. 'Cause Tracy's scared to death of these Jericho guys, and I'm afraid they're gonna try and find her. - Are you all right? - Yeah. I saw something today. It got me thinking that if this person's future could come true and it did, even though it seemed impossible, then maybe these visions are more set in stone than we thought. Or maybe we have to work that much harder. You're right. You're right. [Sighs heavily] - Hey, did you open my gift? - Oh, they're lovely. You didn't put them on? I figured you'd just take them right off again. Right. [chuckles] We can change things, Mark. We just have to decide how badly we want to. How far we're willing to go to make it happen. But I say there's nothing, nothing that we shouldn't be willing to do for one another. - [Wedeck] So what are you suggesting? - Set a trap for our suspects. Draw them out. I know a lot's changed lately, but we still don't use civilians as bait. Ingrid knows the risks. Then work the case. Work the Parofsky angle. We've been doing that. Parofsky was chief engineer at Micro-Circadian Electronics. He was recently let go on suspicion of corporate espionage. What if Parofsky is selling his work to the highest bidder? Ingrid did say they took a package from him right before they shot him. What was in there was valuable enough to kill for. Look, Stan, it's a real lead. Ingrid's gonna be protected on this. I promise. What makes you so sure they'd try to hit her tonight? They already tried to kill Ingrid once. If we get the word out we're gonna release her from custody, - they might try again. - Why do you say that? We went to Utah, D. Gibbons knew we were coming. You unearth the Somalia photos, five minutes later we're getting shot at. Whoever we're investigating knows what we're doing before we do it. - You think we've got a mole. - We have a mole. Two men with assault rifles are gonna get into this building five months from now. And someone's gonna let them in. We catch these guys tonight, we can finally put a face on our enemy. Careful, it's hot. Guess there's no chance of getting any bourbon in there. Probably not a good one, no. When'd you start drinking whiskey anyway? I told Mark Benford. - You what? - He can help. Are you insane? You don't know these people, Dad. I gotta get out of here. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on a sec... I came to this house because I thought I'd be safe. That was a big mistake. Mark's a Fed, Trace. I mean, he's practically family. The second that Jericho knows I'm alive, they will find me and they'll kill me. That's not true. Don't you remember your flash forward? The fact that you even had one proves that you're gonna be alive. I was with you. I gave you my pocketknife. You were on a cot, fell asleep. We were in some kind of bunker or cave, surrounded by guards. There was graffiti all over the walls. I think somebody was calling my name. Then I stepped outside. There was a man out there. He was concerned about you. He said something strange. Yeah, the account has been verified. Then I gave him an envelope. I don't know what was in it. "The accounts have been verified." Does that mean something to you? No. But, this guy, what did he look like? - Tall, dark. Scar. - Khamir. Khamir Dejan. He was a field medic with the IMC. He... He took care of me. He... He got me back together. That's why I left. I was so afraid that Jericho would kill Khamir to get to me. That's not gonna happen. Five months from now, he's alive. I saw him. All three of us were there, Trace. How can you be so sure that everything we saw will still come true? Enough of mine has come true already that... I'm a believer. You came back to me, Trace. Didn't you? I don't know what could drag us both back to Afghanistan, but I have to trust what I saw. [Man] The area is secure. We're good. Roger that. All units, stay on tact two. These guys are pros. Former military, based on that video we saw. [Birds chirping] Ingrid, you have a lot of amazing birds. My babies. The only real family I've ever had. Each one of them is special to me. It's hard to believe I ever thought of giving them up. - What do you mean? - My flash forward. In my vision, I wasn't working at the store anymore. I had blonde hair and I was living in New York. So, the next day, I put it up for sale. Since we're standing here, I'm guessing you didn't have a whole lot of buyers? It was all for the best. I don't know what I was thinking, planning on changing my life for a future that might not even come true. - [Yawning] - Are we keeping you awake, cupcake? [Chuckles] I'm sorry, man. I was up late with Zoey last night. I told her what happens to me. What's gonna happen to me. Supposed to happen to me. She wants me to quit, get out of the line of fire, I guess. Are you... thinking about it? I wasn't. I mean... Who knows? I quit, I get hit by a bus, right? That's my luck. Whatever, right? What am I supposed to do, become a barista until my date with death? That's one way to go. When this is over, whether it's tonight or later I'd like for you to have one of my cockatiels. Oh, no, no. A thank you gift. Don't make me insist. Ingrid, if you truly loved your birds, you're not gonna wanna give one to me. But thank you. It's very sweet. - [Thud] - [Bird screeches] - [Lngrid] What was that? - Stay here. Saber-Two, this is Saber-One. - Saber-Two, go. - I think I may have some movement here. You want us to move in on your position? Could be nothing. Let me check it out first. Saber-Two, we have a breach. [Mark] Saber-Two, all units! Surround the perimeter! Nobody gets out! [Janis] Mark! I've got Ingrid covered in back. [Birds chittering] - Freeze! Mark! - [Gunshot] [Indistinct radio chatter] You saw him turning on me. He was making a move. It was dark. I didn't get a good look. But I do know we can't interrogate a dead man. [Sirens wailing] - What does this all mean? - I'm sorry. But one of the men you saw is still out there, and he's not gonna stop until he finds you. We need to put you in Witness Protection. That's OK. I think that's my future. I should have trusted my gut all along. Judging from your dwindling amount of chips, the pain is almost over. What are you thinking over there, mate? Maybe you got a pair of eights. Working a full boat. How much do you have left? Just under 15. Five thousand. Thank you. Why don't we make this hand winner take all? If you win, we'll go public. But, of course, I'll win, and you'll keep your mouth shut. Fine. As a physicist, Lloyd, you really are a genius. But you were never very good at concealing your tells. Ouch. [Man] Four of a kind for Mr. Campos. Straight flush. Pot and game to Mr. Simcoe. Congratulations. Keep the chips. Call it a tip. I got what I came for. How did you beat me? Did I tell you Dylan really loves magic? Sleight of hand's his favorite. You know, there are some things even I won't leave to chance. That being said, I'll let you have the first pass drafting the announcement. All right? [Mark] Thanks for backing my play there. I just want to make sure I know which play it was. Is this about taking Tattoo Man off the streets or putting him under it? What the hell are you talking about? You said if we get this guy, we might be able to change our futures. - But? - Look. I just wanted to make sure the plan here wasn't to kill him so he can't kill me or come after you in your office. - Whatever gave you that idea? - Because I had it. The second you suggested Tattoo Man might be the guy who's supposed to kill me, I thought, "I'm gonna kill him first." But now you think I actually did. That I went that far. [Demetri] I would have. [Door opens, closes] [Wedeck] What are you - doing here so late? - Trusting my gut. Hmm. [chuckles] Your email said you had something for me. Yeah, I do. NSA finally sent back a new rendering of that Suspect Zero photo. - Hmm. Hmm. Looks like the old one. - It is. This... is the new one. [Wedeck] What's that on his hand? That looks like a ring. Can the image be enhanced any further? NSA's working on it right now, but it took them this long to get this far. Tell them to put their foot on the gas. If we can tie this jewelry to the guy wearing it, we'll have our first workable lead. Good job. Hey! Wow, you look like you had a perfectly ordinary day. Worse than ordinary? Mark? - I killed a man tonight. - What happened? I had a shot at changing my future at changing our future. - And I took it. - Oh, Mark. Come here. Come here. Maybe April 29th's just gonna be another day at the office now. What does that mean? I, uh... I told you, in my flash forward, I was in danger, right? A man was trying to kill me. But, tonight, I got to him first. I changed the future, Livy. We have a second chance. We have a second chance. [Thundering] Hey. Do you have them? There's supposed to be seven. After the first atom bomb test, you know what a colleague of Oppenheimer's said? "What a foul and awesome display." He then added, "Now we are all sons of bitches." On october 6,the planet blacked out For two minutes and seventeen seconds The whole world saw the future - Tell me. - It's a girl. You disappeared to Los Angeles? You don't return my calls. I'm worried about you. We all are. I know when a man is willing to sacrifice anything for his cause And you're not that kind of man, agent Benford. I need a favor. A big favor. It's for Tracy. Hi, dad. What I saw, what you saw, Doesn't have to play out that way. Al, what are you talking about? I find a way to change the game. Dear Celia, I don't know your last name And I don't know where you live. But I know you have two young boys. Twins, I believe. And I know you didn't have a flashforward. The future can be changed SANCTUARY Welcome back Janis They all saw FBI agent Al Gough Alive and well on April. 29th. What this guy apparently was trying to show us here is We can't take what we saw for granted. Okay, the bottom line is, this is a new world. This is a new day. And I just think we need to take a moment And let that sink in. What we need to have answered right now is the question, is there going to be another world blackout. People are terrified. Let's get back to the big question. What big question? Do we have free will? That's the big question? Possibly the central question of human existence for millennia. If this is supposed to be your resignation... You can forget it. You're not even gonna let me explain myself? You were attacked. You were shot. You returned to duty to find out a coworker jumped off the building. Am I in the right ballpark here? My life's not making a whole lot of sense right now, And I think I need a little time off to figure it out. Totally understandable. But, uh, I need you here. I know we've been shorthanded since the blackout. But ever since Gough... Since Al-- - This isn't about al. - Yes, it is. When I found out about what he did And why he did it, It just really made me think about my own future. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Do I lean into what I saw? Do I fight it? What if my getting shot was... I don't even know-- So--some sort of a sign that this baby's not meant to be? You're gonna let a bullet decide Whether or not you bring a baby into this world? If Al's death proved anything, It's that our choices still matter, Now more than ever. Well, I believe without reservation or recrimination That your card is the ace of spades. Well, that certainly answers that question. I've been wondering how a Nobel finalist And recipient of the Macarthur Prize spends his idle moments. This isn't the time or the place, Simon. You dropped off the radar, Lloyd. Without so much as a phone call. I've had to check myself into the hospital To have my bruised ego X-rayed. Hello, Dylan. Remember me? Why, this is not my pancake! We're not having this discussion in front of my son. Yeah, well, I'm done having you dictate when and where we talk. Myhill forwarded me the e-mail you sent him. Or should I call it a suicide note? It's the only logical move. If you're hell-bent on self-destruction, Then, yes, suppose it is. But I still have doubts as to the cause of the blackout. Our experiment killed 20 million people, Simon. 20 million. The world has been upended. People need answers. We have to go public and tell the world That we caused the blackout. All right. I guess we have to leave this room sometime. No, no, no, no, no, no. I have a reservation with the hotel that says different. Plus you haven't opened your gift yet. Mm, what's this? Just a little something to celebrate. And what are we celebrating? Second chances, I guess... And the fact that we can change the things we saw. I never thought we couldn't, Mark. - That's the office. I told 'em not to call unless it was an emergency. I promise. Hey, it's me. This better be good, Dem. Yeah, I'm sorry, man. Um, something came up. - Did you bring your laptop? - Yeah. I'm sending you some video We got from Barstow P.D. This morning. Remember when you had Marcie plug all the clues Off the mosaic board into NCIC? You've got something? Yeah. Barstow P.D. caught a homicide. Eyewitness managed to record it on her cell phone. When it hit the system, NCIC kicked back a red flag. - Why? - Stay tuned, man. I'm headed back right now. Flashforward What do we have? Anything that might help us I.D. - Our tattooed friend? - Not really. The victim, Neil Parofsky, is an aeronautics engineer Who works out of a plant in El segundo. Watch and wallet were missing, so everybody's thinking robbery. Is that confirmed by whoever shot the cell phone video? Uh, Ingrid Alvarez. Yeah, she saw Parofsky hand something over before he got shot so she thought it was a mugging, too. Great. First day back? I should have gotten you flowers. They're for your wife... For stitching me back together. And these are for you Hard copy stills taken from that cell phone. Video forensics enhanced the images as best they could. So now we just gotta figure out Why someone would want to hit an engineer from El segundo. Have Vreede get into Parofsky's life-- Friends, family, bank accounts, whatever. All right. What are we gonna do? What was the name of that eyewitness? Uh. Ingrid Alvarez. We'll be talking to her. If the guy in her video is one of the men I saw in my vision, This is our best lead so far-- our only lead. I'm putting him away now. Find out who sent him And make sure he never shows up here on April 29th. Al sacrificed himself to prove we could change the future... So let's change it. Hey, honey. - Everything okay? - Hey. You're, uh, you're back early. Yeah. Uh, Mark had a w--a work thing. So what's going on here? Oh, the usual. You haven't been gone that long. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Tracy I'm sorry. Tracy! Trace. Trace. It's pathetic waking up every damn morning like this. Maybe if you'd just talk about it... I told you. I don't want to talk about it. Well, I'm not giving you a choice anymore. I've been grieving for you For two years, Trace. Hell, I even had your grave exhumed two months ago Because I was convinced that you were,you were alive. If you want to keep hiding out here If you want me to pretend to the world, your mom included, That you're still dead, You have to tell me what happened. After what I saw in my flash-forward, I'd believe anything at this point. Listen to me, Trace. Four months from now, I'm gonna be sitting by your side in Afghanistan. You saw it, and I saw it. Isn't that why you came home? Obviously at some point, I'm gonna get involved, whatever it is. So let's just cut to the chase and get started. How about the Simcoe boy? - He was supposed to be discharged while I was gone. - Not yet. He was complaining of calf pain, So we removed the cast, did a doppler, - And the kid's got a D.V.T. - You're kidding me. Man, I'm going to be a grandmother - Before this boy goes home. - I don't get it. Why are you so anxious to get rid of him? Is it his dad Mr. Simcoe? What makes you say that? Just that you guys have a weird relationship. I mean, every time he comes around, you get crazy tense, - And - Dr. Benford? Uh, actually, Dr. Varney just told me about Dylan's status. Uh, what exactly are the ramifications would it be safe to leave the boy's bedside for a while? I see here that you have him on heparin. Now the risk of complications at that dose Is relatively minimal. Is that correct? I'm sorry. And you are? - A good question. - I'm a friend of the family. Frankly, I was hoping To pry Lloyd away from the hospital for a while Steak dinner, some fraternal martinis. Do you think you could see fit to sanction that? I mean, the boy is essentially ready to be discharged, If I've read his chart correctly. May I? Uh, yeah. Barring any complications, I see no reason why Dylan couldn't go home - In the next couple of days. - Well, it's settled then. Lloyd, you've been absolved of any guilt, Parental or otherwise. Lovely. Thank you very much for your help. Of course. Dr. Varley. Nice legs. Are you sleeping with that woman? That is none of your concern, Simon. Everything you do is my concern now, Since you pressed "send" on that idiotic e-mail of yours Which brings me to the purpose of my visit. I'm going public with or without Myhill's cooperation or yours. Good luck getting anyone to believe you without it. - Good luck stopping me. - Well, it appears we're at an impasse. There are two ways to settle this. The first is, oh, so tawdry and public. I make a general annoyance out of myself, - Kick over as many anthills as possible - Enough, Simon. Or we settle this in a more... Civilized manner. Define "civilized." Do you remember how we settled whose name would go first On the application for the Sloan fellowship? Texas hold'em, no holds barred. You win, we go public, hang ourselves out to dry. I win, you keep your mouth shut and your guilt in check, And we buy ourselves some more time. You want to wager the fate Of millions of people on the outcome of a poker game? The gods did it all the time. Dice, chess, Whatever took their fancy. They loved tinkering with the lives of - Those mere mortals. - We're not gods, Simon. 20 million deaths on our shoulders. Isn't that what you said? If that doesn't qualify us for godhood, tell me what does. Let the games begin. Hey, what's Barstow P.D. Doing here? Let's hope 3-star guy didn't get to our witness. Do you think she drives a gold sedan? Maybe not anymore. Special agent Benford, FBI. Detective Rick Malchiodi, Barstow P.D. We think your victim might be an eyewitness in a homicide. - That's a hell of a coincidence. - How's that? Her roommate said she witnessed a homicide, too. Her roommate? Yeah. Uh, Alvarez... Ingrid Alvarez. Came home from work, found her roommate there Double-tapped to the side of her head. So looks like they got the wrong roommate, huh? I believe it's to you. How much do you want to give me this round? $2,500. I hope you don't drag this game out as long as the last one. When you lose, you'll be able to console yourself That I've prevented you from confessing to a mass murder. Manchester figure of speech. $2,500. I'll call. I don't understand. You're saying they killed blanca, But they were trying to kill me? That's what it looks like to us, yes. And it's because of what happened in the alley? Now, ingrid, what exactly did happen in the alley? We have the video, but it would really help us To get your account. I was working late, me and one of my clerks. Can't say I see you as a blonde, Ms. Alvarez. And I can't see you as a rock star, But that's what you say your vision was. I was locking up for the night. You want me to walk you to your car? - I mean, it's kind of late. - I'll be fine. I went to my car, but there were men in the alley-- Three of them. They were fighting, arguing, But I couldn't hear what about. I said, where is he? Where is he? But when it got physical, I hid. I called 9-1-1, but they put me on hold. I still can't believe I stayed calm enough To think to use my phone. No! please don't! My hand was shaking so much. Now you told the police The victim gave the other men something Right before they shot him? They were arguing about a case or something. But I didn't see what it was. What about the faces of the other men? Do you think you could describe them? I didn't get a very good look, But I think one of them maybe had gray hair. The other one was bald, and he was big, muscular. It was very dark. We're gonna sit you down with a sketch artist, all right? Whatever you can give us. And if there's anything else you can remember, It could be a big help, okay? As they were walking away, They were talking about something. Uh, it sounded like "Q.E.D." Thank you. Y'all ever read about that inevitability index thing That's been in all the papers? $5,000. It's a scam-- Some entrepreneurial huckster's attempt to sell us on the idea That the odds of the future happening can be "calculated." - It's all rubbish. - Fate is fate. We're not responsible, Lloyd. - What about free will? - No such thing. Oh, since when did you become such a hard determinist? Simple quantum suicide theory. I will win this hand and every subsequent hand We play ad infinitum. Q.E.D. Don't you get tired of hearing yourself pontificate? Don't you get tired of being a self-righteous prig? We're scientists, Lloyd, not attention-seeking Reality show contestants looking For their 15 minutes of fame on a talk show. - You always do this. - What's that? Use intellectual argument to defend your behavior. What? Okay, so you sleep with Cabrini's wife, And you call it electromagnetism. You fire your assistant and blame it on Darwin. Shut up, Lloyd. And now you've upended the entire world, And you hide behind determinist rhetoric. You're not the only one who's lost someone, lloyd. Oh, who, simon? Who have you ever cared about? I'll call. You see, I knew you were bluffing this entire time. You know why? Because there's no such thing as luck or fate Or "there but for the grace of god." This game is pointless. I've already won. The future's already happened. Fighting it is futile. Hey, nicole. Nicole? Hey. You okay? Sorry. Mind wandered. I'm guessing Mark told you what I saw. He did, yeah, But only 'cause he's worried about you. We both are. You don't have to be. I'm gonna be fine. The future can change. It's all over the news. Hey, crazy-huge floral delivery for the quintuplets. Can you give me a hand? Go, go, go. Don't worry, Olivia. You know, we can change what we saw, Just like we could before the blackout. Everything's back to being up to us again. Dad. My Humvee got attacked. Yeah. Your friend Mike told me that. But that was two years ago, Tracy. Why didn't you go back to your base? I couldn't. The attack-- We were fired on by supposed friendlies. Marines? Jericho P.M.C.-- private military contractors. Yeah, I've heard about them, but that doesn't explain why. Jericho works for the military, Which means that I can't trust the military. Whoa, hold on a second. W-why would you say you can't trust the military? About two weeks before my Humvee was attacked, I was working long-range recon On this village in the foothills near Kunar. I was alone. Orders were to stay covert so the locals wouldn't see me. But there must have been someone else out there. Jericho. And I watched them... I watched as they wiped out a village. They killed women, And they butchered children. They slaughtered them. Why? Why would they want to do that? I don't know, but I told my superior officer, And about a week later, Mike and I pulled duty At a forward roadblock near the kalikata mountains. Out of nowhere, a Haji truck breached our roadblock. We took off after them. Damn! Embrace the suck, stark. Who the hell are these guys? Those aren't Hajis. Burro, burro! We're gonna get whacked! Get out! I don't know how I survived. I thought I was the only one. What's been going on? You sounded a little freaked when you called. - Did you slip or something? - No, no, no, no. Just, uh, I, uh... Look, I didn't believe it myself. I took this picture at my house. Oh... My... God. It's Tracy. - How? - How? Tracy would kill me if she knew I was talking to you, But she was-- She was in a Humvee with three other soldiers. It got blown to hell, a bloody mess-- Body parts everywhere, including her leg. - The D.N.A... - Right. It got basically thrown into the mix. Then where has she-- Wh-what has she been doing for the past two years? This is what I need to talk to you about. Basically, she's been on the run. She saw something she shouldn't have And got in trouble with Jericho. - They're this-- - yeah, military contractors. Yeah. They were the ones who attacked her. I-I know this sounds like something Out of a Baldacci novel or something, But... Tracy was dead, And now she's alive. So I, uh, I really need your help, Mark, Cause Tracy is scared to death of these Jericho guys, And I'm afraid they're gonna try to find her. You all right? Yeah. I saw something today, and it got me thinking That if this person's future could come true-- And it did, Even though it seemed impossible-- Then maybe these visions Are more set in stone than we thought. Or maybe we have to work that much harder. You're right. You're right. Hey, did you open my gift? Oh. They're lovely. You didn't put 'em on? I figured you'd just take 'em right off again. Right. We can change things, Mark. We just have to decide how badly we want to, How far we're willing to go to make it happen. But I say there's nothing, Nothing that we shouldn't be willing to do for one another. So what are you suggesting? Set a trap for our suspects, Draw 'em out. I know a lot's changed lately, But we still don't use civilians as bait. Ingrid knows the risks. Then work the case. Work-- work the--the - Parofsky angle. - We've been doing that. Parofsky was chief engineer at micro-circadian electronics. He was recently let go On suspicion of corporate espionage. What if Parofsky is selling his work to the highest bidder? Ingrid did say that they took a package from him Right before they shot him. So whatever was in there was valuable enough to kill for. Look, Stan, it's a real lead. Ingrid's gonna be protected on this, I promise. What makes you so sure they'd try to hit her tonight? They already tried to kill Ingrid once. If we get the word out that we're releasing her from custody, they might try again. Why do you say that? We went to Utah. D. Gibbons knew we were coming. You unearthed the Somalia photos. Five minutes later we're getting shot at. Whoever we're investigating Knows what we're doing before we do it. You think we've got a mole. We... Have a mole. Two men with assault rifles are gonna get into this building Five months from now, and someone's gonna let 'em in. We catch these guys tonight, We can finally put a face on our enemy. Careful, it's hot. Guess there's no chance of getting any Bourbon in there. Probably not a good one, no. When did you start drinkin' Whiskey, anyway? I told Mark Benford. You what? - He can help. - Are you insane? You don't know these people, dad. I gotta get out of here. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. I came to this house specifically because I thought That I'd be safe, but I see now that that was a big mistake. Mark's a fed, Trace. I mean, he's--he's practically family. The second that Jericho knows that I'm still alive, They'll find me, and they'll kill me. That's not true. Don't you remember your flash-forward? The fact that you even had one Proves that you're gonna be alive. I was with you. I-I gave you my pocket knife. You were on a cot, fell asleep. We were in some kind of bunker or cave surrounded by guards, And there was graffiti all over the walls. There was a man out there. I think somebody was calling my name. Then I stepped outside. He was very concerned about you. He said something strange... The account has been verified. Then I gave him an envelope, But I don't know what was in it. "the accounts have been verified." Does that mean something to you? No. But this guy, what did-- what did he look like? Tall, dark. Scar. Khamir. Khamir Dejan. He was a field medic with the I.M.C. He--he took care of me. He... He got me back together. That's why I left. I was so afraid that Jericho would kill Khamir to get to me. That's not gonna happen. Five months from now he's alive. I saw him. All three of us were there, Trace. How can you be so sure that everything we saw Will still come true? Enough of mine has come true already That I'm a believer. You came back to me, Trace. Didn't you? I don't know what could drag us both back to Afghanistan, But I have to trust what I saw. Everything looks good out here. Roger that. All units, stay on tact-2. These guys are pros-- Former military, based on that video we saw. Ingrid, you have a lot of amazing birds. My babies--the only real family I've ever had. Each one of them is special to me. It's hard to believe I ever thought of giving them up. What do you mean? My flash-forward. In my vision, I wasn't working at the store anymore. I had blonde hair, and I was living in New York. So the next day, I put it up for sale. Well, since we're standing here, I'm guessing you didn't have a lot of buyers. It was all for the best. I don't know what I was thinking-- Planning on changing my life for a future That might not even come true. We keeping you awake, cupcake? I'm sorry, man. I was up late with Zoey last night. I told her what happens to me-- What's gonna happen to me-- supposed to happen to me. She wants me to quit, Get out of the line of fire, I guess. Are you... thinking about it? I wasn't. I mean, who knows? I quit, I get hit by a bus, right? That's my luck. Whatever, right? What am I supposed to do, Become a barista until my date with death? That's one way to go. When this is over, whether it's tonight or later, I'd like for you to have one of my cockatiels. Oh, no, no. A thank you gift. Don't make me insist. Ingrid, if you truly love your birds, You're not gonna want to give one to me, but thank you. That's very sweet. - What was that? - Stay here. Sabre-2, this is sabre-1. Sabre-2, go. Think I may have some movement here. You want us to move in on your position? Could be nothing. Let me check it out first. Sabre-2, we have a breach. Sabre2All units, surround the perimeter! Nobody gets out! Mark, I got Ingrid covered in the back. - Freeze! - Mark! You saw him turning on me. He was makin' a move. It was dark. I didn't get a good look. But I do know we can't interrogate a dead man. - What does this all mean? - I'm sorry, But one of the men you saw is still out there, And he's not gonna stop until he finds you. We need to put you in witness protection. That's okay. I think that's my future. I should have trusted my gut all along. Judging from your dwindling amount of chips, The pain is almost over. What are you thinking over there, mate? Maybe you got a pair of 8s, working a full boat. How much do you have left? Just under 15. $5,000. Thank you. Why don't we make this hand winner take all? If you win, we go public. But of course I'll win, and you'll keep your mouth shut. Fine. As a physicist, Lloyd, You really are a genius. But you were never very good at concealing your tells. Ouch. Four of a kind for Mr. Campos. Straight flush. Pot and game to Mr. Simcoe. Congratulations. Keep the chips. Call it a tip. I got what I came for. How did you beat me? Did I tell you Dylan really loves magic? Sleight of hand's his favorite. There are some things even I won't leave to chance. That being said, I'll let you have the first pass at drafting the announcement, all right? Thanks for backing my play there. I just want to make sure I know which play it was. Is this about taking tattoo man off the streets Or putting him under it? What the hell are you talking about? Look, I know you said if we get this guy, We might be able to change our futures. But? Look, I just want to make sure the plan here isn't to kill him. So he can't kill me or come after you in your office. Whatever gave you that idea? Because I had it. The second you suggested tattoo man might be the guy Who's supposed to kill me, I thought, I'm gonna kill him first. But now you think I actually did... That I went that far. I would've. Sperm donation What are you doing here so late? Trusting my gut. Your e-mail said you had something for me. Yeah, I do. N.S.A. finally sent back a new rendering of that Suspect Zero photo. Hmm. Looks like the old one. It is. This... is the new one. What's that on his hand? It looks like a ring. Mm-hmm. Can the image be enhanced any further? N.S.A. is working on it right now, But it took them this long to get this far. Tell them to put their foot on the gas. If we can tie this jewelry to the guy wearing it, We'll have our first workable lead. Good job. Wow. You look like you had a perfectly ordinary day. Worse than ordinary? Mark? I killed a man tonight. What happened? I had a shot at changing my future... Changing our future... And I took it. Oh, Mark. Come here. Come here. Maybe April 29th's just gonna be another day at the office now. What does that mean? I, uh... I told you in my flash-forward I was in danger, right? A man was trying to kill me. But tonight... I got to him first. I changed the future, Livy. We have a second chance. We have a second chance. You have them? There were supposed to be seven. After the first atom bomb test, You know what a colleague of Oppenheimer's said? "What a foul and awesome display." He then added, "now we are all sons of bitches." Flashforward S01E08 Season 21 - Episode 01 - Bart Gets a Z - {\pos(192,210)}This will be a good day. This will be a good day. This will be a good day. And five, and six... oh, yeah! {\pos(192,210)}Your man is going to love those sexy new abs. {\pos(192,210)}It's just another day. Check it out. {\pos(192,210)}That crazy lady's singing a million-year-old song. {\pos(192,210)}Okay, Edna, remember: if you can teach one kid one thing, then today will be a success. {\pos(192,210)}Now, class... class. Class, please pay attention! {\pos(192,210)}Text "Uncle". Text "Uncle". {\pos(192,210)}You're children. Why do you all need cell phones? - Safety. - Emergencies. Safety. Educational. {\pos(192,210)}Could you at least set them to vibrate? That's it: everything in the box. No more gizmos in this class. {\pos(192,210)}They're all going in the drawer with the biology frogs. {\pos(192,210)}Okay. We'll call your bluff. {\pos(192,210)}Teach us: using only the knowledge in your own head. Hey, don't worry. We still have the good old classroom computer. Who wants to play Word Jammers? {\pos(192,210)}My stroked-out grandfather has more memory than that thing. {\pos(192,210)} - How is he doing? - Better. Thanks. {\pos(192,210)}How could Krabappel take my cell phone? {\pos(192,210)}I'm only on month one of a 60-month plan. {\pos(192,210)}Krabappel just needs to chill out {\pos(192,210)}and realize life is cool, but how? {\pos(192,210)}Okay. Now I'll be the dog, {\pos(192,210)}and you be the daddy. {\pos(192,210)}You know, my dad is a lot more fun after a few beers. {\pos(192,210)}Maybe Mrs. K would be nicer if we "Irish up" her coffee. Put blood in it? No, booze. {\pos(192,210)}First the easy part. Kids, get some liquor. Hurry! She's almost done flirting with the vending machine guy. What if she tastes the booze? Relax. Hazelnut Creamer covers all sins. And that's why I found Good Night, Gorilla to be the perfect summer beach read. Two stars for you. And an extra, 'cause you're going to have a hard life. This old man, he played one He played knickknack on my thumb. You look tired. Maybe you need some more coffee. Dizzy. You'll be going back to Denmark Spain and Uruguay And we promise that we'll write you But you know that that's a lie Hey! You know why they call it a choir? Because "choir" we listening to this crap? These pantyhose are all twisted up. Edna, please! Even the union can't protect you from this. Give me one night, Dewey. I'll get you off Broadway. - Never! - Edna, let's go. - Do you think we went too far? - Nah. Booze only makes you do things you already wanted to do. I'm queen of the world! I'm so sorry. I really don't know what happened. You made quite a nanny goat of yourself yesterday. I know I did, but I don't know why. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I'm letting you go. Seymour... I'm going to cry. Here. Take my hanky. I'm working on my magic act for the Faculty Follies. But right now, I don't feel much like follying. Could I have a moment alone? Of course. There's a form to extend your health insurance on my desk. I never wanted her to get fired. I bet it was that hamster medicine we added that put her over the edge. Maybe I should tell Skinner that it was our... Needle scratch! My name is Zachary Vaughn. I just got my masters in education from Tufts University, and you are my first class ever. An M.E.D. from Tufts? Nice. But why talk when I could text? - Our cell phones! - Our Blueteeth! My tip calculator! That text was totally worth the 15 cents it cost to receive it. Then, Zach Skyped us, live-blogged our spelling bee and friended us on Facebook. I thought you were studying the Lincoln-Douglas debates. You mean the L Man/D Dog flame wars. I'm glad you've got such a stimulating substitute, but I'm worried about Mrs. Krabappel. Oh, no worries. I heard on the four-square court she's doing great. No one even plays four-square anymore. They just gossip. Alright. Who can tell me what the Monroe Doctrine was? The President Monroe said America has the right as... Wait. Are you telling me you memorized that fact when anyone with a cell phone can find it out in 30 seconds? I've crammed my head full of garbage! Yes, you have. - What are these? - Those are smiley stickers. Mrs. Krabappel used to put them on our papers as a reward for good work. I run a paperless classroom. Check this out. But... this is just nonsense punctuation. Oh, my God! Anybody want to return these caveman kudos to Mrs. Krabappel? Uh, sure. It's sort of on my way home. I can check up on the old girl. She probably landed a job at some fancy-schmancy prep school. Make way for the new freshman. Where do I find the books, the booze and the broads? Dean, how about a little privacy? I've got to matriculate. Door's broken. Mrs. K, is everything all right? Sure. Never better. I know, Bart. It's pretty sad to see your teacher fallen so low. It's the movie. It's so funny. Sir, this is a benefit to increase our endowment. Honey, if we increase your endowment any more, we'll all be in the shade. Hey, you're all right. Everyone, dessert's on me. Sorry, sorry. Thanks for bringing over the smiley stickers, Bart. They really liven the place the up. You've got to get out of here. When was the last time you washed your hair? Two weeks ago? That's better than me, but still, you've got to get out. What's the point? Out of work, I'm out of money. No man wants me, except Disco Stu. Disco Stu is about more than just disco. I'm also... super Christian! Look, there's a big football game on tonight, so we can get this thing over real quick. Show me some of Bart's artwork, give me a little false hope, and here's a little something to help with his grades. I'm not asking for A's, just incompletes. Mr. Simpson, I don't need your money. Bart can definitely be a challenge, but, I like challenges, and he he's got a wild sense of humor. Look at this picture he drew. It will be his last birthday if he keeps drawing pictures like this. - What? - I said, are there any areas that we, his parents, can improve upon? Yes. Just one: relax. You're clearly a caring father. You're the first teacher that ever got me. Let it out. Let it out. Keep it in. Keep it in. Two hot chocolates with hot fudge boost. Milhouse we ruined Edna's life. Maybe we can get her job back. But we can't lose Zack. Look at the awesome video he just e-mailed me. Check out the multiples of seven, y'all. There's got to be some other way to help Mrs. K. Maybe we can find an answer in this bookstore. Bookstores don't have answers. They just have creepy guys sitting in easy chairs at the end of aisle ways. I ain't paid for Doris Kearns Goodwin in my life, and I ain't gonna start now. Oh, that's some good Doris there. You're right. I guess no one's ever written a book to help a middle-aged woman turn her life around. Excuse me. I believe you boys are looking for... The Answer. What's The Answer? Only the best-selling book, slash, DVD since the bible. My life was over. I'd lost my job, my husband left me. I had to sleep in a kangaroo's pouch. And then I found... The Answer. SECRET DON'T VISIT OUR WEBSITE The Answer was discovered by the philosophers of ancient Greece, who hid it under a rock where it was discovered by the knights of King Arthur, who placed it in a bottle and set it in the ocean, where it was found by Pat Sajak. {\pos(192,215)}These great men knew The Answer. {\pos(192,215)}The Answer is the secret to achieving your heart's desire. Learn The Answer, and change your life. Available wherever dubious, quasi-scientific self-help books are sold. So, um, you're wearing the same bathrobe you were the last time I was here, huh? That's cool. Bart, you're a good kid. You're the only one who came to see me. Well, Mrs. K, I have just the book, slash, DVD for you: The Answer. "This book uses the ancient power of wanting." That makes absolutely no sense. Hey. "Just because we don't understand electricity, doesn't mean we can't enjoy its benefits." But we do understand electricity. Every positively charged nucleus is... Cut it out. You're not a teacher anymore. Way to cheer me up, kid. Look, Mrs. K, I'm a Simpson, and a Simpson never gives up until he's tried at least one easy thing. Let me help you. So, did you write your dream on the... "index card of fate"? Yes, but it still seems... stupid. "I want to own a muffin store" Great idea! Now, let's see. "Break your dream down into smaller wishes, then break those down into wish-able actions." Bart, this is starting to sound like one of those loony self-help books. Loony? Would a loony self-help book come with a magic question mark inside? All thanks to The Answer! Well, opening this store was a lot of work, but your faith in me got me through it. And it looks like you got your own index card of fate. - What's your dream? - Nothing, nothing. {\pos(192,215)}Well, I'm sure it'll come true. FLAME VISION One cran-bran for the Flan-man. My pleasure. - What did he want? - Beats me. - I just gave him a banana. - Well, thanks again, Bart. This store has definitely turned my life around. Yup. I'm off the hook now. What do you mean by that? Well, I guess I can tell you, 'cause everything worked out for the best. Everything? What everything? Well, it's funny, really. I'm the one who put booze in your coffee and got you fired. You did what? ! Please don't kill me. You ruined my life! It's your fault I have to work at this stupid muffin store. But this place was your dream! My real dream was to be a teacher, and you got me fired! Now I'm up to my eyeballs in debt with this stupid store, and four more muffin stores just opened on this block! But... But you found The Answer! No! I wrote a phone number in there! No matter what you've done, I always thought there was a spark of decency in you, Bart Simpson, but I was wrong. I never thought I'd say this to a child, but you are bad on the inside. Dad, am I bad on the inside? No... but the layers of bad on your surface go almost all the way to the center. But you think there's, like, a kernel of good inside me, right? Hmm. I don't know. Kernels are kind of big. Oh! Listen, I was thinking. If someone did a really bad thing to one teacher, and then did the same bad thing to another teacher to get the first teacher her job back, would it be okay? When you say teacher, do you really mean parent? No, I mean teacher. Great. Go nuts. But remember, we never had this discussion. What discussion? The one we just had about you doing bad things, you stupid kid! Oh. So, you see, it was my fault. I got Mrs. Krabappel drunk. Then I was gonna do the same thing to Zack, but I decided it was better to just tell the truth. Bart, you deserve a reward for telling the truth. And that reward will be in the form of a severe punishment. Doesn't matter, as long as Edna gets her job back. Sorry, Bart, but I can't just get rid of a teacher if he's doing a good job. Or an adequate job. Or just shows up and doesn't touch anyone. I hate children! I hate children! Children suck! Children suck! What the...? Faculty lounge talk out in the halls? ! I hate children! I hate children! You and you and you and you and you! You are wasting your lives. Hilary Swank didn't graduate high school. She won two Oscars. And one of them she deserved. Bart, you said you didn't get him drunk. - I didn't. I swear! - No, he's right. I mixed a little vodka in with my Blue Bronco. Does anybody else want to ride the indigo pony! Is there extra credit in it? Oh, they're gonna eat you alive at Cal Tech, boy. Alive! Oh, yeah! This place is a prison! All you kids are screwed! Kids and vodka! It's always the good ones that go crazy the fastest. Get off me! You can get rid of me, but you can't get rid of the truth, man! This school is a glorified hamster wheel run by incompetent bureaucrats who can get you through a test, but you will fail the test of life! Children, fingers in your ears and make the la-la sound. Every class is a joke. English-- a joke, homeroom-- a joke. Free period-- a joke. Nutritious lunch-- a joke! Only alcohol can make life bearable. You must drink! Always drink! Well, class, I've got to say I'm glad to be back. - And there's no hard feelings? - Nope. Now, everyone enjoy one of my yummy muffins. - But it's stale. - Eat the muffin. A simple schoolteacher found fulfillment and muffin-based revenge all thanks to... The Answer. Transcript : Forom Traduction : Skualler, Robot, Strex Job22 Synchro : Robot Job22 Relecture : Machintruc [man] You know, it's just not like the old days. It's not. Guys then they had charisma. Style. Used to call it panache. So... Still play the ponies, Merle? - [Merle] Panache? - Yeah, look. You walk into a room full of shooters. And you're calm. I mean you got ice water in your veins calm. And you think. You don't react. You think. You're always gonna have the advantage. Now, bear with me here. Most people that pull a gun, they have no intention of killing. They don't even aim. They point, pull the trigger and turn away. That's because killing is against the most fundamental of human responses. When the stress is on and the shit really hits the fan and you're facing down bad guys... That's what it comes down to. Fundamentals. Comes down to panache. You go in there cold-minded. Age don't matter. Numbers don't matter. You kill 'em all. [Merle] Hope you got a hot tip for me. Carmelita. Spanish Angel. She's a two-year-old thoroughbred out of Shreveport. She's running at Santa Ana on the 5th. You bet her to win. Carmelita? No shit. See you around, Teddy. You look after yourself, Merle. [starts engine] [revs engine] [tires screech] [engine stops] [television playing] [Merle] Owen Geiger. Remember me? Fuck! [shouting in Spanish] Let's go. Fuck, man! [grunting] [screams] [Merle] Look, I'm sorry it had to come down to this, but you know why I'm here. You're not supposed to be operating on this side of the river. Murdoch needs you to keep it in the barrio, East LA. It's business, he understands what you gotta do but if we have to tell you again, you might not walk away. A word to the wise... Lay low for a while, all right? In fact, a word to the wiser, disappear. Do we have an understanding? Do we have an understanding? Yeah, yeah. It's understood, bro. Stay hungry kid. Very well could be the dog hears things. Could be I heard the big man jawing on you. I work for him. Yeah. That's as is. But that cracker from Carolina, he's not hot for you, Butcher. Nah. Word on the street is that he's sniffing at your pension plan. That's a good line. It's also horse shit. [snorts] [woman] Merle was a one time gun man, A some time prize fighter. A man who now preferred a drink over a fight. He'd had more chances in life than most but failed to see any of them through. People liked Merle. They just felt he should have amounted to more. [Spanish language on TV in distance] Hmm, the long good-bye. [projector running] Maybe it's for the best, Carmelita. Maybe it's for the best at that. [rock music on radio] Good morning, Merle. Good morning, Jackie. You look ravishing as always. - Your friends are in the back. - I know. You got any of that liquid tarmac for me? - No cream, no sugar? - No cream, no sugar. Look like you haven't slept. Because I haven't. There's no softer pillow than a clean conscious. So said my grandmother Beatrice. [snorts] Do you think it's true? What you talking about? Do you think we have a sell by date? Just seemed like so much was possible once and then slowly, steadily, it all went away. Oh baby. I have this technique. It's a way to get rid of all the bad, dark, bleak things in your life. Visualize it. Look at it. See it. Turn it into a two dimensional photograph. Light a match... And burn it. Vaporize it. Just get rid of it. I find that it helps some times. You're still young baby. Enjoy yourself. I can only imagine dealing with a guilty conscious that a man with the nickname "The Butcher" might have. Oh, come on. It's a nickname they gave me when I was a fighter. But those were the old days. Nobody remembers that anymore. [door opens] If it isn't young Merle. Good morning, Pearl. Join us, why don't you. I'll do that. [sighs] Is it true what they say about him? What do you mean? That he fought with a real bear. Yeah, that's true. But it was a long time ago. - [projector running] -[bear roars] [classical violin music] [man] It's been 35 years since I come to this country. Had eighteen dollars in my pocket and a dream in my head. Saw what I wanted to do and did it. And pity the man who tried to get in my way. Found some rough souls among you. And gave you all a damn good life now didn't I? Well those that could keep a simple rule or two. [chuckles] Like Eddie here. Now you all know Eddie Hellstrom. Eddie's been watching my club investments since he was old enough to chisel an angle. He's a pushy goddamned kid and I like him. First time he tried to hustle me he wanted to run the old strip joint on Rampart. He told me: "You see that Bentley? You let me run this club you'll have one in three months." I asked him if he'd like to go for a ride in the trunk of my Cadillac. [all laughing] I liked the kid straight off. So here we are. We all know Molo the Shank's retiring so I'm handing his duties over to Eddie here. It's a big day for you, kid. - Thank you, Murdoch. - Congratulations. [Murdoch] Gentlemen, pay your respects to the kid. You'll probably be taking orders from him in a few years. Murdoch. Merle "The Butcher" Hench. You run that beaner spic Geiger off my Santa Fe project? I wanted to talk to you about him. Think he's a good kid. Maybe, maybe he could run an angle for you? - Run an angle? - Maybe. Really? That's interesting. By the way... Ever meet my cousin Maguire? [Merle] Mm-mm. Ah. Come on. [Murdoch] Now, Merle, last night somebody was around here. Geiger and this faggot jungle bunny tried to rob Maguire's liquor store on Alvarado. Now my cousin's a bad motherfucker. Did seven to ten up in Pelican Bay for armed assault. So he beat the living crap out of the wetback before burying him alive in Bakersfield. Now it's a long drive out to Bakersfield, and these stupid fucking crackheads start talking like a pair of balling bingo bitches all the way there. Geiger? Now I don't specifically blame you, Merle. This punk would've found a piece somewhere but he used the heater you let him keep. [man] You give me a hand with this cocksucker? Quit breaking my balls. Can't you see I'm eating my candy over here? [man] Come on, get out. Get up. Come on. [muffled scream] [gunshots] [dog barking] What, you got nothing else to say tough guy? You got nothing to say now? Huh? Punk? [Merle] I took his bullets. Told him to stay away from downtown. Are you out of your fucking mind? - What? - Are you so goddamned ignorant of human nature? What kind of fucking enforcer... What kind of soldier lets a two-bit punk have his gun back after a beating? What the fuck is wrong with you? You're right. You're right. I don't know what happened to you, Merle. Think about retiring, huh? You know you should invest in some kind of strip joint or a club. Your friend Manny's got two of them nudie mag stores. The old boy never has to lift a finger. I know. Living life like he's on the red neck Riviera. You don't gotta worry about me. I have investments. Real estate. Start thinking about your retirement. Let the young bloods move up. Let them take the risks. Be smart. Yeah. Anyways... - I got a deal might work. - Hm? I gotta go to this fundraiser, Commissioner Scobyn. Just got honored by the Jewish Retirement Community. Merle the fucking Butcher. [chuckles] My cotton-tailed ass. - [Murdoch] See yous later boys. - Later Murdoch. [Murdoch] Merle, I'll call ya. [Merle] OK. Gentle touch for an old prizefighter, Merle. You stroke that glass like a mother might hold a baby's hand. - Ever tell you I saw you fight. - No. Plaza de la Raza, East Los Angeles. - Barrio club fight. - Right. Professionally rated, as I recall. Yes it was. You could have used it as a dollar ticket fight. Take the don'ts and pay the line! Plastered that plucky wetback. Took him apart like a rank amateur. Thought I was watching the making of a star. Used a quick hook, that kinda twisted as it made contact. Lifted the little finger on the inside. His face looked so goddamned bad afterward, even his own mother would be hard pressed to recognize him. - [fight bell rings] - That left hand of yours... That left hand of yours could decapitate a grown man. Would have been March 23rd, 1979. Soldier De Santos, 15 to zero on the pro circuit. He was supposed to be bad. It was a hell of a night. - We still got Paris, right? - Oh, yeah. You're about three and a half into the hole now, Merle. That's why I had to come out myself. You come up spades, that winds your ticket up to nineteen big ones. Now, I've been brotherly and not clamped down. Had to see if your luck turned tail. Hasn't, and I ain't got time to wait. You gotta come good by Thursday... - Mm-hm? - Or my associates take over. That shiny car of yours has to be worth a couple of Gs. Sell it. Get straight with me, Merle. You know I like you, we'll do business again. But pay me by Thursday, Merle, or we got a problem. - Catch my drift? - Mm-hm. There you go babe. Oh, man. Lost its flavor, honey? Oh yeah, but just you watch me Rose, I shall rise triumphant from these fucking ashes. [man] You know I got 15 loose bills on me. - Maybe I'll just leave. - It's a 1969 Dodge Charger with a 440 magnum big block and original Super Bee 4-speed. Only made a couple hundred like this so... The price was 21,000 in cash when you arrived. The price is still 21,000 in cash. You know, we're wasting each other's time. My card. No bites. You wanna shift the wheels, you know, you come by and see me. I'll give you a fair nickel. I appreciate that. Fifty, 100, 200 two-fifty, 70, 90. Two ninety cash. Plus I'd like to use my Rolex as collateral for the other 60. Real Submariner, thick pearl face. I'll stake you for it, Merle. Word in your shell, like a brother, never ever gamble when you are desperate. It's liable to affect your judgment. You want me to go home, Pete? I'm a big boy and I feel lucky tonight. You must call, Merle. All in. Too rich for me, Merle. Your luck has beaten mine like a redheaded step-child. Nineteen thousand, it's a good night's work bro. I'll come back tomorrow. I like you, always been fair. I'd hate to see you lose your shirt when your vein pans out. A little luck often proves more deadly then a flat out loss. Be careful what you do with that moolah. I won't be back Pete. I've seen good luck, I've seen bad luck. I know the difference. I understand why they call you "The Butcher". Nobody calls me that anymore, Pete. All right? [Larry] Oh, no! Jesus, Merle, they're with me. Oh! Sweet mother of mercy! Who do you think is going to pay the hospital bills? Larry, what are you doing here? Pete's security was on alert to call if you turned up. We've been here since 1:00 this morning. It's just business with me, Merle, you know that. I've got a family to feed, it's just business. Larry, I did not recognize your boys. I wouldn't make them look so bad if I knew who they were. - How's that ankle, pal? - Look... You got him in the boiler room man. Still got a couple of moves for an old man. Let me take you boys for breakfast, come on Larry. [man groans] I don't feel like eating breakfast. Suck it up. Everybody likes breakfast. Get in the car. Here you go. You all right? Here you go. We're square, Merle. I gotta be straight with you. I hadn't foreseen this. I mean but then again I can be a cynical son of a bitch. Comes with the territory one would suppose. I hear things, you know. Haven't heard anything good about you. I'd have put money on your not having a winning streak now. [Merle] There's a horse running this afternoon Carmelita, I got a hunch. I want you to bet the whole bundle on her to place. Sounded like you said you want me to put the whole bundle on a horse called Carmelita. We'll be back where we started you know that, Merle. Only if I lose. She's 15 to 1, Larry. A long shot. Nineteen thousand on Carmelita to win, Merle. That's not what I said, Larry. Take it or leave it, Merle. That's the only way I'm covering you. I'll take it. Carmelita? That's the skin dancer from Reseda, A nightclub canary and a hell-roaring drunk. Shacked up with Dennis Tull. Seem to remember she rolled with you for a while. I married her. Well, I hope for your sakes the bitch don't fuck you again. Sentiment's a hell of a luxury, Merle. Yes it is. - Hello there, stranger. - Hi. That looked like a serious conversation. You look ravishing. When are you going to run away with me? Don't be so sure I'm picky about who it is rescues me from this place, Merle. Just think about how you ask me. There's always that chance I might say yes. You know, they say that the arrival of coffee and tobacco in Europe signaled the start of the industrial revolution. Stimulated the brain. I fucking hate you can't smoke in these goddamned places anymore. Good morning Eddie. What can I do for you? Why don't you like me, tough guy? We're a lot alike, you and I. I boxed out of the old prison gym in Lincoln Heights. It was kind of like one of those undecorated East Coast sweatshops from the movies. You know, where you work the weights and get that fucking rust shit on your hands afterward. In our line of work Eddie, we have excuses for all kinds of bad behavior. But a man's a man. How he carries himself is all I'm concerned about. I don't judge people Eddie, I just don't like you. It's OK, in Kentucky, when we've wronged a man, we recognize his privilege to resent it. It's because I got that kid to take a dive. The Puerto Rican puncher from Boyle Heights. See. That's what made me. Yeah, that was it. He lost his title and the right to fight. - That got to you, didn't it? - Maybe. It's no wonder why you never made it in this game, Merle. You got a soft touch. That's the kiss of death in our racket. You gotta have the ferocity to pick a fight over five bucks and not give up. You just don't get that, do you? [chuckles] Murdoch wants you to run an errand. There's a redneck prick. A fucking dog hick dick, we deal with, Doyle. He has a titty bar. City of Industry, Spearmint Rhino. We need you to go by, and pick up a payment. He wants somebody who can handle themselves, and will be on time. Four o'clock this afternoon. No earlier, cause that's when the money, everything will be ready. Are we understood? Am I understood? Spearmint Rhino, 4:00. Got it. Take care then. [man] 1915, Model .45. Normally I wouldn't recommend it for a concealed carry but it's all I can give you. - [bullets rattle on counter] - It'll buck like a mule. If you plan on firing it, I suggest you grip it like a politician making election hay... Can't hold it too tightly. This one supposedly belonged to Cherokee Tom Threepersons out of El Paso, but I doubt it. Not as easy an iron to hide as your Colt's but it'll shoot clover leaves at fifteen paces. Want to see your babies before you leave? - Love to. - Boy! Get them two gold .45s. The one I was talking to you about. I look at them myself once in a while. Tiffany and company couldn't do better. I know. I wouldn't dare shoot them, be afraid to use them. You won't catch me playing with them. - You're safe with me. - Thank you, Naylor. I really appreciate it. I'll be back real soon. Look, you end up using that six gun, just lose it. - Don't bring it back here. - Thanks, pal. See ya later, Merle. [¶ Marcy Playground: Sex and Candy] - Hello, doll face. - What can I get ya? - Get me a bourbon on the rocks. - That's 11 dollars. - Make it a coke, sister. - You got it. You look like a man on a mission. How about a private dance? I've been fired and re-hired three times for too much personal contact. Oh Jesus, mister. Buy the lovely ladies a drink? No drink, no dance. But thank you both. You can have us both if you'd like. - No thanks. - Oh. You're gonna leave us hanging just like that? Just like that. I'd like to see Mr. Doyle. - Is he here? - I'll see what I can do. [Doyle] You walk into a place asking for a man like me and then demand money. You're looking to commit suicide the hard way, Mr. Hench. I asked, I did not demand. I'll tell you. I know Eddie and Murdoch. They've been trying to buy me out for years. I won't sell because I don't want to. I'm not ready to move on yet. I'm fairly connected myself, I know certain people. I can make a phone call or two. Believe me when I say these are grim characters. I run an expensive establishment that's hardly ever full. Do the math. I have other dealings. [Merle] There's obviously been a misunderstanding. If I can use a telephone I'll clear all of this right up. - Do you have a telephone? - Use this one. I'd like a little privacy. In that case, use the one in the men's room. It's down the stairs and to your right. You should get a cell phone. That's what they tell me. Excuse me. Thank you very much. He's not? OK. Uh... Tell him I'll call him back this afternoon. I'm at the Spearmint Rhino Club right now. Yeah, Doyle's. [rock music] OK, tell him Doyle will call him this afternoon as well, all right? Thanks. OK. Bye. [Merle] Naylor, could you have found a bigger gun? Oh! There you are Merle. Nice of you to join the party. [girls screaming] Get out of the way! [man] Move! Get down! Good idea to rob the place. Too bad you get shot in the process. [screaming] I may not live long Eddie, but I'm living longer than you. Go! Go! Go! Son of a bitch. [car alarm] [car alarm shuts off] Don't know what's going on, Mr. Hench. They tried to set me up. I run a laundering operation. We clean dirty money, mob money. Murdoch has messed with a hornets nest the size and fury of which he has no comprehension. You tell that bucko he has just signed his own death certificate. I'm letting you leave on account of I believe you didn't know what was gonna go on. Now tapping that pathetic piece of white trash did me a favor but that's as far as it goes. I'm not going to be able to stop the gentlemen who's money that is. - They will come after you. - I appreciate it. Now you just consider this a head start on them. [engine starts] Can't park your car here, sir. I'm sorry officer, I thought this road went somewhere. Well that's all right this time. That's a good-looking car. All stock? Just like I ordered it in 1969. I only used original replacement parts. They don't make them like this anymore, do they? They sure as hell don't. So, do you need to see my license? I don't think that's going to be necessary this time. - You just be careful. - I always try to be. - Thanks, pal. - Right on. [engine starts] I've lost weight, who knew? You've got more than 3,000 here Merle. You betcha. I'm not gonna see you again, am I? Merle Hench, 190 grain for practice. You're loaded for bear, Merle, 240 grain, semi-jacketed factory hollow point... Either you're knocking down a wall, or... Well we know what you're loaded for, don't we? [Naylor] Too damned old for this. - I wish I was going with you. - [Merle chuckles] I look in the mirror I see a twenty-five-year-old. Everyone else sees a tired old man. I have asked no odds of any man, just waiting to die now. I've seen them come and go. - You lose the old .45, Merle? - Most of it. - That's too bad. - All lost but one bullet. That's stuck in a wall of a nudie bar in the City of Industry. Got stuck in the wall after I blew a man's brains out. - I knew you'd appreciate that. - Uh-huh. There are very few men could beat you on the drop, Merle. One of the old timers, Merle. One of the greats. It was a genuine pleasure my friend. If you ever need anything, anything at all. You're going to do it, aren't ya, Merle Hench? What ya talking about? You're gonna go out with a bang. Shit happens. And Naylor... - ...thanks for everything. - Yeah. [Doyle] A failure. An also-ran lemon flavored dud. Merle Hench is a washout who doesn't have the balls or the brains for this kind of caper. You're clutching at straws to preserve your own bacon, Murdoch. That's offensive to me. You know the difference between you and me, Doyle? It's not the number of men standing behind us at a given moment but a bit of philosophy. You see I've always believed that to keep what you own you can't be afraid to lose it. Go all in with your chips otherwise everyone knows you're just a paper tiger. You got quite a collection of shit here. Personally I hate guns so I brought this for your collection. Brush me and I release the spade which gives you three seconds of forty year old fuse to clear the room or become mincemeat on the ceiling. Now fellas I'd rather this conversation be private between me and Doyle. But of course you're all welcome to stay. Now get the fuck out of the room, go on, get the fuck out! Get the fuck out of the room! Now! You're out of your fucking mind. Oh. No, no, no, see... I just made my peace with the lord. I've been to church regular to ask His forgiveness. Lived my whole life knowing He might call me at anytime and ask me to answer. Now how about you, Doyle? Think you're sitting good with him? I'm not your problem, Murdoch. You know as well as I do, that that money belongs to a select group of Nevada gentleman. A company famous for possessing a severely humorless disposition. Now, Eddie Hellstrom is your boy and that means you will be the first person they come after. You are the one who is going to be accountable for this, chief. I can see how Eddie caught you with your pants around your ankles. You have trouble seeing the big picture. I've had all the years I wanted to make a move on this dough. What would I gain to do it now? Have the Nevada boys all upset with me here that I'm looking at my sunset? No, that's the interest of young-bloods alone. Eddie's dead but his boys are still alive. When I find them I'll have Nevada's money for you. And then you owe me one big time. [Doyle] You know I got a pretty sweet deal here. I'd just assume none of this ever happened because I dig flying under the radar. You've got three days to find that money, or you're going to have a serious problem. [laughing] [Murdoch] You've got to know who your enemies are and learn to trust your friends, Doyle. I'll do it. I want you to find Merle. Go where he eats, drinks, gambles, chases pussy. All of it. Bring him to me. You want me to go to the ex-wife? Yeah, why not. Just find him. [projector running] [engine stops] They're all out, Merle. They've been gone for over an hour, the whole gaggle of them. Mm-hm. That tar fresh? Thanks. How was your day, Jackie? The usual, nine long hours. Fifty-eight minute count down, nerves deadening to the pain. - How was yours, Merle? - Could have been worse. - Jackie, do you trust me. - You're OK, Merle. As costumers in this place go, you're not the sleaziest. I'm going to put something to you and I want you to think long and hard before you answer. - You have my full attention. - Murdoch and his goons are looking for the man who killed Eddie Hellstrom this afternoon. The same man stopped a robbery in the City of Industry. While he was stopping this robbery he relieved the robbers, that's Eddie Hellstrom's boys, of nearly three quarters of a million in used bills. Now right now, Murdoch himself is meeting with the folks who got robbed. And they're looking to devise a plan to pin this whole deal on the guy that killed young Eddie. Are you with me? What are you doing here on your own, Merle? Are we alone here? Is it just me and you? - Yeah. - A man with patience, a man who has seen a lot of people make a lot of mistakes could make that money work for him, could make it have returns. I can turn it into my retirement plan. I'm not sure I understand. Ever imagine a life on the road? It is exciting, not like this place. And you wouldn't have to work. At least not for a couple years if you didn't want to. Of course, it's temporary but then... [projector running] ...isn't everything that's great in life unfortunately temporary. I'm not saying it's going to be glamorous but it will be better then this place. And baby, you deserve so much better then this place. You are serious, aren't you? Murdoch and Eddie set me up to take a fall for them but I got lucky. I shot my way out. I killed Eddie Hellstrom and I got away with nearly a million dollars in cash. I want to ask you now if you'd like to come away with me? Now, regardless of your answer, in less then five minutes I've got to walk out of that door never to come back again. So take your time but decide. Don't take too much time. You're not kidding me, are you? Straight as a new razor blade, doll. It would probably not be the dumbest thing I ever did. But if I didn't I think I would regret it everyday for the rest of my life. I'm coming with you, Merle. Good for me. Let's blow this hole. I've never done anything like this before. I have to go back. Bad timing, Merle. You should have been five minutes later, Pearl. I won't go without a fight. [starts engine] [Pete] He had a good evening, winning streak. He was lucky. He's lost to me more in the years then he won last night. Left after sun up. I usually get a turnaround then. Around 6:00, 6:45 in the AM. Guys with regular jobs fold and leave. The others take it as a cut off. That's the last I seen him. When he's won in the past he comes back, I take back what he wins, after he pays a few bills. [Pete] He's a regular guy with a routine. You'll find him. [screaming] [starts engine] Very strong man indeed. This is a gunshot related homicide and there are certain state and federal laws that I must administer to, Mr. Murdoch. I can just go home. Thanks Doc. Merle's on the run so be careful, he's dangerous. Pearl saw him leave with Jackie the waitress so we have one more spot to visit. Dutch, Sue wrap Pearl up. We'll store him in the meat freezer for now. When we get Merle we'll take them both out to Bakersfield. They can share an apartment out there, in the fucking dirt. We've been watching it for twenty minutes, Merle. I think we're OK. I'll be five minutes. There's things, just small things. I can't leave them behind. All right, five minutes. No more. [cars approaching] Oh, man. Good morning, Merle. - Sue. - Calm your nerves Merle. All I want is a quiet word or two with you. I wish to hell you'd leave, Sue. Oh, I'll leave with you beside me, if it's all the same to you. I don't think you're going to try anything, not here. Just in case, I brought along numero .44. You're too young to make that call, Sue. Guess I'm gonna have to take a gamble at that, Butcher Boy. Never, ever gamble when you're desperate, Sue. Come on Merle, get out of the car, it's embarrassing. Sue, what about... Sue, what about the girl? She's up there changing clothes. She's... By now she's naked. What do you think? [dog barking] Jackie, we should be leaving! Got no choice. We've got no time, let's go. Come here, hold on to me. Hold on to me. You'll be fine. OK. Hold tight and keep down. [Merle] OK. They are as scared as you. They're just shooting blindly. It's loud and it's scary but it's harmless. OK? These guys can't shoot. Now when I shoot back they're going to duck. When they duck, we go. We can do this. You can do this. Trust me Jackie, I do this for a living. You OK? Yeah. OK. Go, go, go! [screams] OK, try and reload this. Charles... - Figured you'd be involved. - Merle. Murdoch sent a damn militia to finish me off. Doyle's place was used as a safe haven for Reno's mob. You stole mob money, Merle. You even got Murdoch spooked. - I'm fine with that. - Right now I wouldn't trade places with you for the world. Charlie... I don't want to kill you, but you don't put that rifle down, I'll do it. Mm-hm. Good man. Yeah, you should have kept your good eye open, Sue. So, did you get everything you needed? - This was on the seat. - Oh, thanks. - You hurt? - Yeah, it burns. But you should see the other guy. - [sighs] - [car starts] [¶ Otis Redding and Carla Thomas: Tramp] - [tires screech] - [sirens blaring] ¶ You don't wear continental clothes, or Stetson hats ¶ ¶ Well I tell you one doggone thing ¶ ¶ It makes me feel good to know one thing ¶ ¶ I know I'm a lover ¶ ¶ Matter of opinion ¶ ¶ That's all right, Mama was ¶ ¶ Papa was too ¶ Hey, you did good back there. You bit down hard when you had to. You sure know how to show a girl a good time. - It'll be better tomorrow. - Where are we going? Well, if Charles is correct and Doyle was holding mob money and they pinned this all on me then we have a fucking problem. Just tell Doyle Murdoch was behind the heist. It'll be simple. Just blame the whole deal on Murdoch and get away. You can get away just like you planned. Maybe. OK, hop in the driver's seat. Anything suspicious, anything at all, you get out of here. Shoot if you have to, just get out of here. Don't worry about me. You're gonna be all right. Hell, doll face, we're a good team. No, I didn't believe that story anymore the second time - than I did the first time. - [door creaks open] [Doyle] That's right. Stevie, hey, I gotta call you back. [coughing, choking] Do you have any idea who you're dealing with here, Mr. Hench? Sure I do. Do you Doyle? Do you have any idea who you're dealing with? [Doyle] So Murdoch was behind the robbery and behind trying to set you up for it. Except they didn't expect you to get the drop on the kid. They all figured it would be the other way around, didn't they? I'm glad you came down. Makes it all so much simpler. Look how civilized we can be. Just a couple of old hoods. However, if Murdoch doesn't return that dough, you'll be erased, you get my drift. That could be an opportunity for a man like you. A guy with a degree in the science of violence. It took balls to show up here. We'll get caught up once this is over. You need a place to hang your hat, give me a call. So we're square then? As far as I can figure. Nice. Looks like Father's Day in Harlem. There's just one thing, one little thing, Hench. I thought you said we were square, Doyle? I got video cameras all over this club, Merle. I got them in changing rooms, in the booths, and in the parking lot. Now, I know you weren't in on the robbery but you found a bag of my money that the real thieves dropped and you stowed it in your car like a two-bit opportunist. You give it back, then we're square. [woman screaming] [indistinct shouting] Excuse me, baby. It all comes down to fundamentals. That didn't sound like it went well. Got complicated. We're done, clear. We could and should walk. Walk away from the table. I could have done that once. Just walk away. I ran with those guys over 20 years, Jackie. They saw the best of me and the worst of me. You don't have to do anything, Merle, we have the money. That's the thing about jackals, they eat their weak. They eat their own family, and no family. And what'll do we do when the money's gone? I can't work a normal job, what the fuck can I do? I mean you want to go back to waitressing? I don't even have a social security number, Jackie. I'm an enforcer for the goddamned mob. Men like me we don't change trades, we get capped. Jackie I was a bad guy who came knocking at the door. I know what I'm talking about. If they're going to pin this all on me, I want all of the dough. Not just what we have. I want every goddamn last red cent. How much is it, Merle? Well they dropped the small bag. That's three quarters of a mil. They got away with three big bags, a mil and a quarter maybe. Add that up, something like four, five mil more or less. A lot of money, baby. I've never had a partner before, Jackie. I think we'll do good together. [Merle] OK, don't leave anything. [¶ Keaton Simons: Brilliant Blue] ¶ I am standing still ¶ ¶ This page I've yet to fill ¶ ¶ With words describing thoughts that dread ¶ ¶ To leave my head ¶ ¶ You leave me here, un-led ¶ ¶ You are an ocean song ¶ ¶ I can sing it all night long ¶ ¶ I see the tune march through the room ¶ ¶ In sound balloons Then you feed me the moon ¶ ¶ With a spoon ¶ ¶ Overwhelm me Show and tell me ¶ ¶ Let me breathe the brilliant blues again ¶ ¶ Up in arms Don't see the harm ¶ ¶ So let me dream a scene from life back then ¶ ¶ I want to sleep on a train ¶ Doll face I just don't want to take you down with me. I want you to take me down with you. Hey, baby. Larry, Merle. Jesus, that rough, huh? Listen, that race this evening. Sounded like you said you wanted me to put the whole bundle on a horse called Carmelita. [Merle] I need you to do something with that dough. You find her. You give her that dough. Yeah, the little waitress. Give her that money, Larry, and then we're straight. Understand me? All right. You take care of you. [Merle] Jackie... Hi, how you doing? We need these wheels. There's only two places Murdoch would stow a load this size, at the Ranch or at his home. So I bet this money's at the diner with him. He won't want to involve his family. - Do you have a plan? - Well... I'm going to start by asking him nicely. - Merle. - Oh, baby, don't worry. I'm feeling good. Today is my lucky day. Maybe you'll pay your penance, Merle. Something inside me died when I started running with Murdoch. I started just existing, making up excuses. I'm going to end that all right now. Let's go, Merle. Let's just turn around and run away. It's tempting. It's really tempting, baby, but I can't. I'll be back before you know it. This is Sue's revolver. It's a full house .44. All you gotta do is point and shoot. Keep pulling the trigger until the danger's gone. The key is in the ignition. If I'm not back by morning, go. Go back to the hotel. If I've made it, I'll be there. Otherwise head out of state and don't look back. What's most important don't ever talk about what happened here, all right? I'm stuck in an elevator. [Benton] What floor are you on? The... the 20th. That's very high, Lisa. Victor? Is that you? Hey, Mac. No one's seen her leave the building. It's not working. We got an elevator malfunction. You know what's going on? I'm looking at the main access control for the elevators. There's been a cyber security violation from the outside. That's Benton. He's holding an elevator on the 20th floor. He's hijacked the elevator. He's holding Kim on the 20th floor. - We're going up. - Victor? What's going on? [Benton takes a deep raspy breath] We can't bypass the system, Mac. Keep trying. Come on, guys. There must be something we can do. [Benton] How do you feel, Lisa? Shut in? I remember you telling me about your fear of enclosed spaces. How they made you feel. Like you were suffocating. Let me outta here. - Please! Please! - No one can hear you. People working... Somebody! Somebody, please! Somebody! No. Not any more. They're all gone. You're lying. You're lying. Help! This floor is being painted later tonight. Didn't you get the memo I sent? [Lisa Kim] I can't breathe. I, I can't breathe. I'm so sorry about that, Lisa. Please. Please. Please. You want me to help you? You want me to save your life? Why would I do that, Lisa? I'm sorry. I didn't have a choice. Apologies. That's all I ever heard from you and Dr Evans. You knew me. You knew what I was going through. You could have found a way to help me. But you didn't. We weren't allowed to. [gasps for breath] - We weren't allowed to. - Right. Right. The corporation isn't in the charity business, hmm? They made that quite clear to me. Every time I spoke to someone, they said the same thing... "I'm sorry, Mr Benton. " "l wish I could help you, Mr Benton. " "l wish we didn't have to take your bed, Mr Benton. " "lf your insurance hadn't run out, "we could do something for you... "Mr Benton." "We wish you the best, Mr Benton." "Thank you for calling." - Miss Kim! - Miss Kim! Miss Kim. - Miss Kim. - Miss Kim! Miss Kim! Miss Kim? Here. Here. [Hawkes] Pull! [grunts] No, we need something to leverage it open. Miss Kim? I'm Detective Taylor from the New York Crime Lab. I'm gonna get you outta there. Hold on! Mac, Mac! [Hawkes] That's it. OK. Miss Kim! [Mac] Miss Kim. Miss Kim. Mac! It's moving! Come on! Come on! Get out of there! [Hawkes] You all right? [phone rings] [Mac] Taylor. - [Stella] We found Benton. - How? [Adam] He was too busy terrorising Lisa Kim to realise he left his flank exposed. I pulled out the old T rojan horse, ran a back trace, and got an ip address and a street address for you in Brooklyn. [Mac] Call Flack. Have him meet us onsite with backups. Silent approach. I don't want Benton to know we're coming. [phone rings] Mac Taylor. I tried your office, but they said you were out. You're not the only case I'm working on. It would be... if you hadn't spoiled my plans. What would putting Lisa Kim in the morgue accomplish? She needed to feel what it's like to be helpless and forgotten. She has severe claustrophobia. She could have died in that lift. [Benton] That's what happens when one doesn't get the help they need. You remember when your father needed help, don't you? And he got it. Well, I wasn't given that option. [Mac] You won't get sympathy from me. You have an issue with the healthcare system. You found three scapegoats. Don't you see, Detective? That's the lesson here. I needed to put Lisa Kim, Aaron Dexter and Dr Evans in my shoes... to make them understand. If you have a message, write your congressman. [church bells ring] Where did you say you were? I didn't. [gasps] - He knows we're coming. - Yeah. [Mac] Hawkes! Flack, get an ambulance. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. You should have let me die. Maybe I should have. Now the city must keep you alive as you're entitled to a fair trial. Oh, don't worry. I won't make it that far. Oh, come on. You think I wanted to kill people to get the treatment I needed? I told you. You're not gonna get any sympathy from me. I don't want your sympathy, Detective. Then you understand. If your father hadn't been given chemotherapy, he would have died a lot earlier than he did. My father wasn't a rich man. So the help he got in his final days wasn't much. But unlike you he didn't blame everyone for his fate. He knew he was dying. And he took comfort in the fact that it was his time. My father died courageously with his family around him looking up to him. But I'm certain, Detective, if he hadn't gotten the treatment he needed, you would have done whatever had to be done in order to see him live another day even if it meant breaking the law. You would have done that to honour your father. You think you know me because you read a few stories? You have no idea who I am. But I know who you are. You're a coward. I put guys like you away every day. That's how I honour my father. [McCanna Taylor] When did you get in? A few hours ago. The Silver Star. Damn. You did good, son. Thank you, sir. What does Claire think about you considering... [gasps] ...to retire from the Corps? She, uh, says it's my decision, but I think she'd be happy to settle down some place and have me home for a while. You stay close to her, son. She's a good woman. [Mac] Yes, sir. Your mother tells me you got offered that job in New York. What are you gonna do? I'm not sure. New York City Police Department is the best in the country. You've had your war, son. Take the job. Dad. Claire's from New York, hmm? She has family there. You're gonna need their help when babies start coming. No. Wow, Dad. [coughs] We just got married, Dad. And I was thinking that maybe I'd... If I do retire, maybe I'd move back to Chicago for a while. There's no need for you to be here. I've had a good life. You need to live yours. - Dad. - You've served your country, Mac. Pick up the phone. Make the call, take the job. Promise me, you'll make the call. I promise. d": Hey, you're okay. Good boy. This is my trailer. I'm movin' back in! Not likely, cowboy Bob! I got nowhere to stay but in my truck. - You can bunk in the loft. - Really? I am gonna do whatever it takes to get him out of my loft! We could set him up with Ashley. With or without Ashley, he is goin' back to that trailer. Val! I-I wanted to talk to you. I've reconsidered, and I think I'd like to sell you the property. Okay, I'll think about it. What? May not make economic sense for me at this time. You are not gonna believe this! It's already had almost 3,000 hits! "Miracle girl?" You're famous. Just, I have a zillion new emails. I don't know how I'm gonna do this. Good boy. Good boy! - Hey! - Hey, how's it going? Great! It's awesome what he can do, once you've freed up his head. I could use, uh, 15 more minutes, though. You don't got it. Okay, who's next? Come on! What's wrong with this guy? That's Roxie. He's barn sour. If it was up to him, he'd never come out of his stall. If it were up to me, he'd hang out in there all day! Well, just leave him. I'll take care of it. You come walk this guy out. I mean, I can put up with the snoring, and his dirty clothes all over the place. But his broken-hearted cowboy routine, night after night, I can't stand it! Wow! I never knew you had such a cold, cold heart. Well, neither did I, until... Hey! Where is everybody? I better get out of here. Yeah, okay. Where's he going? To round up the other horses. But I thought I was the horse-rounding-up guy. Yeah, well, today, you're the goin'-into-town guy. Grampa's gotta do a supply run at Maggie's. Here, Mallory. Is Ash working today? How should I know? Barn sour, huh? Once they're settled in, that's just about that. That's funny, coming from someone who moved into the barn on a strictly temporary basis, and has ignored all the hints about cramping people's style, and taking up a lot of space. Not to mention hogging my favourite frozen bagels! Those are frozen? I figure I can pick up a few fence panels, and tack up a couple pens behind the barn. If things keep up this way, we might need a whole new barn, too. Tell that to your father. The way he's throwing money around these days... Grampa... It all starts with that herd of cows, now that fancy new phone he got for Amy. Why not a new barn? You know, you lent him the money. You can't really tell him how to spend it. Yeah, heard it all before one too many times. Morning, Jack. Yeah, fine, thanks. Hey, Jack! What's with him? Not really a morning person. So... This one was... Hit by a car, uh, that one was freaked out by a lightning strike, and this one is... Ahhhh! Mouthy. Thanks for the warning! Dad, we are so crowded, I'm keeping horses in the jumping ring. I mean, it's like everyone who saw that YouTube video hit on the exact same solution: Amy. You gotta seize this moment! Well, that's what we're trying to do, Dad. I mean, so far, Amy can manage all these horses. But the problem is, I can keep up with all these out-of-towners who wanna book places at the dude ranch, - so... - Honey, expansion. Expansion. That's what I'm talking about. - Right. - Look... Excuse me? Hi, I'm Kate, and this is my daughter, Taylor. We're looking for Amy Fleming? Uh... Kate Kennedy? Mm-hm. Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't get my e-mail. I got it. And I realize this is kind of a long shot. I-I just didn't think that we could wait six weeks for an opening. Uh... I know, I'm sorry. We're totally booked up right now. See, Mom? I told you it was stupid for us to come. It's been a very long drive. If Amy could just take a look at Taylor's horse, then I-I would... You know, I'm sure that Amy'd be happy to do that. I'm Tim Fleming. I'm Amy's dad. This is my daughter, Lou Fleming. - Hi. - Hi. Hey, you got Roxie out of the barn. Better yet, I got Caleb to go with Grampa. And Ash's on the breakfast shift? They'll at least have to talk, right? I never knew you were such a sneaky little... There's lots of things you don't know about me. - Who is it? - Lou. We gotta get back. Talk about timing, huh? It's like she knows. Um, I'm kind of booked up today. Can you maybe have them come back another time? Yeah, obviously I tried. But Dad had other ideas. - Uh, Kate? - Hi. - Amy Flemming. I know, I sound like such a fan, I just can't believe I'm meeting you in person! I swear, she must've seen that video like a thousand times when she first got out of the hospital. There was an accident. Her horse, Trooper, he's always been so perfect, and then, one day, he just bolted and... I-I'm not so sure that's such a good idea! No, he seems fine. Whoa, whoa! Whoa! Watch it! No! Ahh! Taylor! Come here. I'm okay, Mom. - You're safe! - Okay. ♪ ♪ ♪ And at the break of day ♪ ♪ you sank into your dream, ♪ ♪ you dreamer. ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪ ♪ you dreamer, ♪ ♪ you dreamer. ♪ Well, he seems pretty calm now. Don't worry, I got the gate. Hey, boy. Hm! So far, so good. Good boy! Yeah! I know... Come on! Good boy! Come on! Come on. He seems like a pretty well-broke horse. What about the way he lunged at that little girl? You ever seen that before? I don't know. Only with abused horses. By a ten-year-old? Never underestimate the ten-year-old girl. I still have nightmares about those parties in grade five! Well, maybe you could do me a favour, Mallory. Get to know the girl who owns this horse, find out what she's like, what her relationship with Trooper is. Well, do you mean, like... A friend? Or a spy? How about just someone who's trying to help? Hmm? Her name's Taylor. All right. Oh... Oh, this is wonderful, Lou! I'm so glad you could squeeze us in. Oh, you know, what's a couple days, right? I told the next guest we had an overflow problem. They thought I was talking about the outhouse, but... If our life didn't suck so thoroughly right now, this would be like a dream vacation. My daugher's just been going through a lot lately. Hey! I saw Amy riding your horse today. She said he was amazing. Amy said that? Yeah, and she would know. Uh... so is that your horse? Sort of. He's half my horse. His name's Copper. He has his own Facebook page. Wow. All my friends do it. It's sorta just us, though, but we take our horses' names... Why don't I add you as a friend, and I can hook you up with all my horse friends. I could hook you up with my horse friends, too! Um... but I'm not sure if I'm still gonna even have a horse. I mean, I think he really hates me. No way. We were just like normal... And then he went totally berserk and ran like a maniac until I couldn't stay on anymore. Did you hurt yourself? Are you kidding? I was in the hospital like, forever. Well, don't worry. Amy can fix any horse. It's like she knows what they're thinking. Like a mind reader? Do you think... Maybe she knows what I'm thinking too? Hey, uh... you uh... feel like havin' a coffee? No. Then, go get me one. I just can't get a break today. How you doing, Val? Oh, you know. I just wanna make sure that you understand, Tim sells you that piece of land, I'm glad to have you as a neighbour, on both sides. Well. Never thought I'd hear that comin' out of your lips, Jack. Ah, I don't think you've been talking to Tim, though. In this economy, it doesn't make sense to develop acreages. So you're not buying? No. Nobody's buying. But surely you're not worried about anything, are you? I hear Heartland's business is booming. Yeah... But this isn't a business issue, Val. It's a... an ex-son-in-law issue. Right. Look who's sitting in your section. Can't you take it? I'm on break. Just one coffee to go. Please. Oh! You know, I think you missed the glass. And I think you missed the point. And I think you're insane if you think a little bit of cold water is gonna get rid of me. Oh, I'm not trying to get rid of you, I just wanna remind you what a cold shower feels like. You know, when the water heater's broken, and no one bothers to fix it? ! Jeez! So, how's the coffee comin'? Coming right up, Jack. You know, it's my damn trailer! And she's living there rent-free! A-a-and I'm supposed to feel guilty 'cause little miss princess doesn't have hot water! Yeah, but you know Ashley, man. You gotta keep talkin' to her if you want any sort of relationship with her. Relationship? There is no relationship! I... I just want my damn trailer back. She's trying to make a point, man. Yeah? And what would that point be? Because apparently, I just keep missing it! The point is you're a jerk! You lied to her. You took her mom's money, and now you won't even fix her water heater. Just keep it up, man. You're never gonna get your trailer back. Set another place. Dad has invited himself for dinner. What, now I'm feeding him too? He says he's got big plans on how to expand the dude ranch. The problem is, Dad's plans always end up costing more than I can afford. Yeah, well, more than he can afford too, considering. Grampa, you gotta promise me, no matter what he says... I'm staying out of it. Okay. Motorhomes. Motorhomes! Motorhomes? Yeah. To solve Lou's accommodation problem. Dad, you mean, like, trailers? Nothing like trailers to solve an accommodation problem. I talked to the guy at a dealership, right? Their sales are down, they're overstocked, we'd be doing him a favour taking these. Now, it's not a perfect solution, but who knows how big this thing can get? You can do books, DVDs, clinics. There are a million different ways to make money off this horse whispering thing. Dad, please don't call it that, it makes me feel weird. But I'm just saying, some strategically placed motorhomes around the lake, would triple your revenue, Lou. You know, a man wants to turn his own ranch into a suburb. It doesn't surprise me that he wants to turn my ranch into a trailer park. But I'm not getting involved. You know, that's-that's too bad, Jack. 'Cause you know how I value your opinion. Excuse me, everyone. I'm sorry, Lou. But has anyone seen Taylor? Taylor! Taylor! I just don't want you to get hurt by that horse again! No! Mom! I'm not stupid, Mom! I remember what happened. But I miss him so much! He's my best friend. I just wanted to be near him. Come here. Oh, baby. Trust me, she's nobody's baby. What do you want? What? Hey, girl! Aren't you done yet? You know, I just started, and... I'd really like to make sure this is tight. Well, could you hurry it up? I'd like you to be gone before I leave for school. You know, uh... when I'm done, I could take a look at the roof, maybe do something about the window screens? Uh, yeah. Whatever. Just put Nikki back inside and lock up before you go. What do you mean, you're going to school? It's a school day. Yeah, so what am I supposed to do? Watch your horse! Watch him do what? Eat, sleep, drink, whatever he does. All right? Here. Take notes, draw pictures. I expect a full report when I get back. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Do you keep Trooper in a boarding stable? Yeah, like everybody does. Yeah? So, your mom drives you out there, someone's already caught your horse, tacked him up. You just take a lesson for what, an hour, and then give him a kiss and go home? Sort of, yeah. So what? So, if you really wanna be best friends with your horse, you're gonna have to get to know him. Spend some time with him, know what he likes, what he doesn't, okay? Okay. Good. You know Ty? He's gonna keep an eye on you guys today. Bye. If this is about the motorhomes, I don't have time. Well, you can take those motorhomes, and you know where you can park 'em. And I talked to Val Stanton. Now, why didn't you tell me? Tell you what? That she changed her mind? She lost her nerve? Lookit, that woman's not the only game in town, Jack. Lots of fish in the sea. I've got lots of irons in the fire. Hmph. Fire. There are no fires. Do you ever pay attention to anything, at all? Nobody's selling 'cause nobody's buying. Oh, this isn't about the loan, now. Now I'm responsible for the whole bad economy? Well, it's gonna get better in a couple of years, Jack. Well, maybe I don't wanna wait a couple of years. Well, that's what Lou and I were talking about. Well then, start talking about something else. 'Cause nobody's putting motorhomes on my land. What happened to you not being so involved? I'm working on it! But you're sure as hell not making it easy for me. That's not bad! You learn anything about your horse yet? You know, I know this isn't actually about me watching my horse. It's about my horse getting used to me. You know, for a ten-year-old, you're pretty smart. If I'm so smart, why am I sitting here? Yeah well, just make sure you're smart enough to stay on this side of the stall. And I'm gonna have to reschedule you for next Tuesday. Yes. Yes, I understand rearing is a serious issue. Uh... I'm sure Little Trigger is a lovely horse. Look, we-w-why don't you let me see what I can do, and I'll call you back. Thanks! Okay. Hi. You know, Amy thinks there's nothing wrong with Taylor's horse. Why doesn't she tell me that, so I can stop juggling all the bookings. You want to get that? No, just let it go to message. All I'm saying is that it might not be the horse, but that little girl. What? You lied to me! I hate you! And Dad hates you, too! - Taylor! - That's why he's not coming! Taylor, please! You know your father's working! He'd come if you'd let him! It's not a good time right now. Okay, look. Mommy and Daddy both need to give each other a little space to work things out! Okay? - Come on. - I wanna go home! I'm not sure what these guys need is a horse whisperer. To tell you the truth, I was getting sick of taking my shower at school. Well, see? He's not all that bad. Yeah. Right. Come on, maybe Caleb deserves a break. Yeah, I mean, you guys were really good friends, before, you know, the whole mom thing. Okay. Shut up, both of you. I know what you're doing here! Hello? Your boyfriend's loft? Okay, Ash, that's not what this is about. Yeah, I mean, we're-we're your friends! Then why don't you start acting like it? If you're really my friends, then why are you trying to use me to get rid of Caleb? Especially if he's such a "great guy"! Hey. Kate...? I was, uh... I was just gonna call you. This isn't working. I-I'm sorry, but this whole trip has just been a mistake. Kate, Amy's just gotten started, you know, she usually needs more time... Yeah, you know what? I-I just don't think that Amy understands the real issue. We have a problem horse. And drawing pictures of it isn't gonna solve anything. Well, um... you see, Kate, according to Amy, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your horse. The horse that almost killed my daughter? I... All right, well, maybe if Amy had spent a month by Taylor's bedside, wondering if she's ever gonna walk again... Yes, of course. Obviously something happened, I'm not denying that. But your horse seems okay. Oh, so you think it's my daughter? I haven't spent a lot of time with her, but she doesn't seem very happy. Yeah. Well... The only thing that'll make her happy is if her father and I get back together, and that just doesn't seem very likely. I had no idea you're separated. After the accident, when Taylor was in the hospital, we were both just too worried about her to remember that our relationship was falling apart. And then we got home, and Taylor started to feel better, and two weeks later, he walked out. Did you know Hershey, Pennsylvania is one of the top ten most romantic places in North America? That's where they make those Chocolate Kisses. I spent this whole study period in the computer lab. Okay, well, what else did you learn? Well, besides the fact that there were 500 Taylor Kennedys on Facebook, only one of which has Trooper as her profile picture... Yes, yes, besides that! 'Kay, well, she has 216 Facebook "horsey" friends. And last fall, she was reserve champion, and pony hunter at the Cedarton Fair. Okay. What about her accident? Well, there's nothing really about it. But there is one picture with her mom and her dad, and she's in a full body cast at the hospital. But you wanna know what the weird part is? It's the only picture on her wall where she actually seems happy. Okay, so we're just gonna walk calmly towards your horse. This is exactly what my mom told me I couldn't do. Well, you're with me, I'm sure your mom will be fine with it. Besides, you know Trooper isn't a bad horse. I guess. You know, something must have really spooked him to make him run off with you the way he did. I don't know. I didn't do anything. Horses are really sensitive, and if you're scared, or angry, or upset, then horses are scared and upset, too. People do that too, you know. They run away from things that hurt them. Are you talking about me? I'm just saying that sometimes, after a bad accident, a lot of people never get on a horse again. So, are you sure this is something that you wanna do? I used to really love it. I loved jumping, and going to shows. Yeah. I wanna do it again. I want to ride Trooper. Okay. Come on, let's go get your horse. Here. I think you know how to do this. I do, but... Don't worry, I'm gonna be right here. Just be gentle. Is there anything you usually like to say to Trooper? I don't really talk to him that much. I talk to my horses endlessly. I say all sorts of dumb things. Well, we do have a special song. I learned it at horse camp. You know, you're not gonna get very far before dark, and your room is just gonna be empty, anyways. You could stay the night, get an early start. Yeah, thanks, but I think it's best if we get going. Okay. I'll print off your receipt, and uh, get Ty to load your horse. ♪ I ride an old paint ♪ ♪ I lead an old dam ♪ ♪ goin' to Montana to throw the hoolihan ♪ ♪ they feed 'em in the coulees ♪ ♪ they water in the draw ♪ ♪ their tails are all matted ♪ ♪ their backs are all raw ♪ ♪ ride around ♪ ♪ ride around real slow ♪ ♪ the fiery and the snuffy... ♪. Okay, so I'll just get you to take a look over this. And uh, don't worry, I didn't charge you for the wine. You know, I think you were right, Lou. Maybe we should stay a few more days. ♪ ...take my saddle from the wall ♪ ♪ put it on my pony and lead him from the stall... ♪ I thought it was bad before. But now, he spent half the night talking about fixing window screens, and whether you should use plastic or metal mesh. And how bolting them is better than screwing them. Ty, Ty! You can't let him do it, okay? What! Why? Because Ashley knows it's just about us getting him out of the loft! Yeah, and it's working! Yes, but Ty, it can't come from us. Okay? Caleb has to figure this out on his own. If we leave it up to him, I mean, for all his talk, he's-he's clueless about girls! Um, I know this sounds weird, but Ashley is my friend, okay? And... uh, she made me feel really bad, like I was just using her, or... All right, I get it. But I'm the one stuck living with him. And his boots. Come on, Ty. We just have to stay out of it, okay? Hey, Amy! So, um, what're we doing today? Yes, Dad, no, I realize we've got to do something about this. Today? Okay. Yes, I'll meet you there. Yeah, I... I promise. Look, Dad, I've got to go. Bye! Grampa, what is all this? Fence panels. For the new pens. Okay, well, I hope you can get them up fast, 'cause I've got three horses coming in today, and where am I supposed to put them? What are you doing, Lou? I thought you were on Amy's side! How's she going to handle all these new horses? You know what? I don't know. I don't know! I had the whole schedule worked out, and then dad came and screwed everything up! And now Amy's spending way too much time with this little girl, and you know, I'm getting all involved with her mother, and the... The problems with her marriage, I don't know how anyone makes a relationship work! Do you? 'Cause I don't! And do you know when the last time P.W. called me was? Well, have you tried calling him? No! I don't wanna seem desperate! Well, maybe if you call him, you won't be! Kate! Hey. What're you doing? Oh, I'm just expecting a fax, I gave them your number. I just, um... My husband, he just filed for divorce. Oh Kate... I'm so sorry. No, I just got off the phone with my lawyer, so. I guess there's no sugarcoating it any longer! Taylor doesn't know? Well, I mean, I'm sure in some way she does. You know, I just have never used those words. Like, separation, divorce. They just sound so real! But I guess now, I just uh... I guess now, I don't have any choice. I'll let you know as soon as the fax comes in. Okay. Hey, man! You, uh, remember what I was telling you about Ashley? Huh! Yes I do. Yeah, that whole handyman thing, you should just forget about it, okay? But that was good advice! I mean, we might only be talking about hot water, but, hey! At least, we're talking. Yeah, but, um... The thing is... Ashley doesn't buy it. She thinks that me and Amy, we're just... Jerking you around. Why? Cause of you living here, sharing my place. Oh yeah, of course. What're you talking about? We were trying to get you to move out of my loft and back into your trailer. Sorry, man. Wow, that's... What am I supposed to do now? Don't ask me, man. And don't fix anything, okay? Just... let her be. And you can stay in my loft as long as you want, okay? Don't worry about it. As long as you want. Oh. My. God. Hey. I knew when you saw her, she'd sell herself. Yeah... Dad, I-I don't know. I mean, this... This place has a very specific look to it. Logs, wood, rocks, yeah. More of a nature thing than an RV thing. Honey, it's a "strike while the iron's hot" situation. This is the perfect solution! Solution to what, Dad? I mean, this place is never gonna be the Super Six motel, you know? Lou, you know I'm doing this for you girls, right? I mean, why do you think I moved back here? The way things are going, I don't know how long I can hang on. Okay. I get it. And I'll... think about it. I promise. I love you. I love you too. I can get a deal on six. Six? Lookit. Check it out, go ahead! Wow. You look pretty good on that horse! Thanks! That's what my instructor says too. Well, maybe we can go on a trail ride tomorrow. Why not now? Well, I'd really rather not overdo it, okay? We'll just be careful, and... we'll take Trooper in, and Ty can give you a lift back. Amy! Amy! Oh! Easy... Mallory! What! ? I got a fax! For Taylor's mom! Okay, so give it to Taylor. But I can't! Then give it to Ty! Fine, but this is the last time I ever spy on anybody for you! There you go! Okay, thanks. No problem. This was the best day of my life! Well, who knows? Tomorrow might be even better... - You got it? - Yep. - There you go. - Oh, Taylor! - Yeah? Before I forget, give that to your mom, okay? - Okay. - Okay - Cool. - Okay? - Thanks! - Bye! - See ya! Hey, Ash! Hey! Where do you think you're going? We need your help here! Ask Ty, Jack! He knows. Took his advice, backed off, and now, she's calling me. You sir, are a genius! Hey, genius. I've got some advice for you. Pick up your end! Thanks for your help, Mallory. Don't mention it. Ever again! All right. Miss Taylor? You can do up the girth, make sure it's nice and tight. What's wrong? You okay? I guess I'm just kinda nervous. Uh, I haven't been on a trail since... Well, don't worry. We'll just walk, Okay? If I can even get Roxie to leave the barn! And you know, this isn't gonna do you any good if it falls off. I know you mean well, Dad. But even you've got to admit, it makes this place look like a parking lot at Walmart! Oh, you don't have to sugarcoat it! So I've got a better idea, if you would just listen! We refinance the loan, and we build another cabin. - Or two, just... - No! - Just right over there! - Refinance, no. - Yes! - No! Lou, you've done a great job with the place. And I-I don't wanna be a problem! Oh, come on, Dad. Don't... No. If you don't wanna work with me anymore, just buy me out! What? Lou? Yeah? About that fax? Um... look, as far as I know, it hasn't come in. But I'll... I'll call Amy, and get her to check the fax machine, okay? Fax? I gave it to Ty. Yeah. Mallory gave it to Ty. Okay. I'll be right back. Hey, Ty? You know that... that fax? I gave it to Taylor. Taylor! No! Taylor! I tried to stop her! Come on, Roxie, let's go! Come on, Roxie! No, please don't do this right now! Come on! Come on, come on! Come on! Come on! I'm okay! Taylor, pull up! Taylor! Taylor! Pull up! I can't! Taylor! - Taylor! - I can't stop! Taylor! Pull Up! There's a cliff! Taylor! You okay? Taylor! Where are you going? Taylor! Stop! Taylor! Taylor! What is your problem? ! Huh? Morning, Ash. I'm glad you called. Who else was I supposed to call? What's wrong? What do you think? My damn car won't start! I mean, it's been making all these funny noises! I mean, I should've taken it in months ago, but do you have any idea how much it costs just to open up the hood? And, now I'm gonna be late for work, and Maggie told me if I'm late one more time, she's gonna fire me, and I just-- Hey, just relax. I'll give you a lift. Who's gonna be here for the tow-truck? Uh, you don't mean... You know what I think? I think you did that on purpose. No! He just bolted, like he did the last time! You made him bolt, Taylor. I saw the riding crop in the barn. I didn't do anything! It's your fault! You say you could fix him, but you didn't! You know, maybe you're right. And if I can't, then your mom's just gonna have to find a new home for Trooper. No! You can't tell my mom. I didn't mean to hurt him! So what exactly did you mean to do? I don't know! They were fighting, and yelling and... I just wanted to go fast, to get away! Are you talking about your accident? When I was in the hospital, it was just like it used to be... With my mom and my dad. They were together. Until they got home. And then... my dad left. So you wanted to hurt yourself again? Like before? They're getting a divorce! I just wanted to stop them! But I swear, I did not mean to hurt Trooper! I tried to pull up, like you said. But it was too late. You know, she did it deliberately, Grampa. Maybe not even just this time, but the other time too, when she thought her parents were gonna split up. That's how she ended up in the hospital? - Yeah. - Wow. Taylor begged me not to tell her mom, but... I really think she needs to know! Well, it seems like that little girl does need help, and it goes way beyond help with her horse. Now, you did the best you could. But her mom needs to know that right now, that horse might be the least of her problems. Hm? So, what happened to being partners? It's not working, Lou. You know it, and I know it. Yeah, maybe so, Dad. But I'm not gonna buy you out. So what am I supposed to do? Just default and walk away? Yeah, Dad. Sure. I guess you could do that, if we were just partners. But we're not, we're a family! And maybe you're a little bit unclear on how I feel about that. But we've gotta figure this out. Look, worse comes to worse, I'll carry the payments for a couple of months. But one thing is for sure. I am not gonna to let you walk out on this family ever again! It is pretty ugly, you know. Oh, God. It's awful! Come here. Hey, Mallory. I need a favour. Okay, um... I didn't listen to you. And? And... I really appreciate everything that you've done. And? And... I'm sorry that sometimes I take you for granted. Good enough. Thank you! I found this outside the barn. You know, you should really put a password on it. Anyone with half a brain can figure out everything about you in fifteen seconds! Great. So, what's the favour? More spying? Uh, I need to talk to Taylor's mom, and... Taylor cannot know. Your secret's safe with me. ♪ Ups and downs, and highs and lows ♪ ♪ that's the way it has to go. ♪ ♪ And I'm still here, and you're still there ♪ ♪ trust to find you out there... ♪ ♪ My head is up, my heart is warm, ♪ ♪ ready to weather another storm. ♪ ♪ So close your eyes and don't be afraid ♪ ♪ what will be the same... ♪ Oh, Nikki! Such a good girl! What's this? Ohh! No, come... Oh. Um... I was parking, and um... uh... No. No worries. It's just paint. Only paint. You know, since you fixed the water heater, I've washed my hair about a dozen times, and I even washed Nikki! You mean my water heater. Yeah. Whatever. You know, tomorrow, if you want, I could give you a lift to school. No, thanks. Well, see you, then. Yeah. See you. Come on, Nikki! I'm really sorry for what I did to you. I'll be back. I promise. ♪ Pick me up and pick me up, ♪ ♪ pull me out when I get stuck. ♪ ♪ Hold me close, don't let me go, ♪ ♪ all your feelings, just let 'em show... ♪. Come on. What'd you say to the mom? Just that I couldn't help Taylor. But I'm gonna keep that horse here as long as it takes to find someone who can. ♪ And what will be the same, it will be... ♪ ♪ And what will be the same, it will be... ♪ ♪ ...that's just the way it is... ♪ ♪ So send me another kiss. ♪ Weird... Skipper, don't! {C:$aaccff}Translated by: AnDyX {C:$aaccff}.: Grupa Hatak - Hatak. pl:. .: Napisy24. pl:. {C:$aaccff}Grupa Hatak Presents: MARKED 1x01 Time to get up now... The alarm clock went off. I'm still sleeping. - You're gonna be late. - I've still got three minutes. And thirty seconds. Plenty of time. For a man old enough to procreate. Kissing again? You need to add another three minutes. Come to daddy! I think I've got everything. - Thank you. - You're welcome. Bye, bye. I'll call you at lunch break. I'm gonna be late. {C:$aaccff}EPISODE 1 - STRANGER I see someone's got a lot of energy and would like to come up to the board. Pacholec? If you will? - Right before recess, sir? - It'll be a short one. If you answer within 3 seconds, we'll forget your behavior. But it wasn't me. Really? A plane gets from point A to point B in a hundred minutes. It then gets back from point B to point A in an hour and fourty minutes. Why is that? I don't know... It has to take fuel? - Sit down, please. - But I answered within 3 seconds. Well, you're right. I never said you had to answer correctly. Hands down, you might just become a lawyer. The lesson's over, thank you. /Hi, Tadeusz. Here's the thing... But promise me you'll say yes. Okay, but what is it? There's this ferry cruise to Bornholm. We could go for your birthday. - Yeah. - It leaves from Gdynia on Saturday. We'll be back on Sunday. We spent the entire holidays at home. I don't know, it seems so sudden. Natka could see the sea. Please say yes, please. All right then. 268 times 326. 87368. Daddy, again. 8-7-3-6-8. Daddy, you must be cheating. How could you know it all? Cause that's our daddy. I want the doggy. I want this, I want that. - Don't touch everything. - You'd like it all, wouldn't you? - I want this and this and this. - Okay, in a minute. Would you like to for a trip on that ship? Don't get on it just yet. Thanks, honey. - Great idea, you know? - I do. Goodbye. Natka. Natka! Halo? What's happened? Something at work? - It was the Fullbright Foundation. - What did they say? They want to meet. Tonight. So? You can't come with us? No, I'll phone them. Are you crazy? Just go! He want to see me in person, you know. It could be a big opportunity. Go. I'm sorry. Natka? I'm sorry. Are you mad at me? - My princess, are you mad? - Daddy will be back tomorrow, Natalia. - Promise? - How about a kiss? Bye! And be careful! Fingers crossed! I'm the king of the world! You're it! When I touch you, you're it! Hi, Milena. I can't reach you, probably no range out in the sea. I was wondering how you were. I guess its really cold out there. And how is Natka? Does she like it? It's a shame I can't be with you. Miss you already, bye. /...to wear warmer clothes. /For now, enjoy the nice weather, /as in the evening /it will deteriorate. /There will be a significant drop /in temperature as of tomorrow. /That's it for the news. Don't move. [speaks in a foreign language] We're going downstairs, Natalia. You'll get a cold. - It's shaking, isn't it? - The ship is swaying. Go on, hold on to the barrier. He was acting really strange. One second going slower, then merging onto the left lane. I thought he wanted to overtake and again he backed off. As if he wanted to block me on purpose. Please blow into the device. That's fine. You sure you want to keep going? I have to, I've got an important meeting in Warsaw. Okay then. Just go slow, be careful. The victim is an Afghani national, Salem Al Almi. 42 years old, no visa. False registration plates. /A massive storm over the Baltic Sea. /All the civil cruises have been suspended. /SAR informs that two units /remain within the storm range. /A British container "Eternal" and a Polish /tourist ship "Jutrzenka" on its way to Bornholm. /As of yet, there is no word about /the safety of passengers and crews. Mommy, why is Daddy not with us? I'm scared. Don't be scared, Natka. Let me go! A time always comes... When you have to pay. Where are you off to, buddy? There's an infocentre for passengers' families on Koœciuszkowski Plac. You can't come in here, please step aside. /Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. /Could I please have your attention. /Just a minute, ladies and gentlemen. /We have sent 4 rescue units out there. /The situation is really difficult, /we are doing all we can. We ask that you remain calm and patient. Orka, Orka, it's Pol-Rato, please give us some information. /We've got four units in place. /Here are the coordinates. How does it look? There was a 107 passengers on board, plus 7 members of the crew. We lost them on radar at roughly 8pm. Haven't heard from them since. Where is the ship? How do you think, where could it be? We got the last signal from there, but with this weather they must have drifted off. Question is: where? - How many units did you send? - Four plus the helicopter. /Orka here, we're in the designated square, /can't make it any further. - Orka is a rescue unit? / - We can't make it any further. What's going on? Why can't they go further? Orka, Orka, come in. Orka, come in. - What's happening? - Try until you get them. Are you coming back? - How did you get in here? - My family's out there, I want to help. - Get him out of here. - I can help, I'm a mathematician. I said get him out! Tell me why you're coming back! You have to understand, my wife and daughter are out there! You have to save them! It's your damn job! [woman praying] Tomorrow, when daddy's back, we'll all go for a long walk, ok? And there will be no storm. You don't have to be afraid. You can sleep now, if you want. Excuse me. Excuse me, sir, do you have a fishing boat? I need to get out on the sea tonight. Gentlemen, I'll pay you good money. I need to get out there. Excuse me, I need a fishing boat! I'll pay good money, I need to go out there. More like a scooter. Man, do you know what's happening on the sea? It's a nine. - How do you expect to get there? - On a fishing boat. I've got money, you want to see? Go on, have a look. Lose the wallet, man. Have a look. That's my wife and daughter. They're out there. I'm sorry. Not in this kind of weather. Puchalik, maybe you'll take the man out? You can't stay here until you die, eh? Maybe tonight you'll see the devil himself? - Does he have a boat? - Aye. You're the only one who can help me. I need a boat. Will you give me the boat? ! I have to save my wife and daughter! - I'll go on my own! - What are you doing? ! You're crazy! I need to save them! They're gone, don't you understand? ! Death took your family! Get it? [woman praying] Natka! Natka! "Jutrzenka" has had the same route for four years. The last cruise has, unfortunately, proved to be a tragic one. There was a 107 passengers and 7 members of crew on board. /The rescue mission continues, /but due to the still raging storm /on the Baltic Sea, chances of /finding survivors are very slim. /The Danish side released four rescue units /assisted by a rescue helicopter. We will keep you up to date on any news about "Jutrzenka". You turning back? Not anymore. /In the centre they said it was /area 5510-North and 1507-East. If we take into account the speed of the wind and direction of storm... They could be somewhere here. I've been on these waters for thirty years. Nobody survived. I've seen Death here before. It's a ghost, wearing black. I've done what I could. No... no... Turn towards the north. Look, there's a buoy. A buoy? In the middle of the Baltic? Faster! Milena! - Don't jump! - Milena! It's over, honey. Hang in there. - I love you. - Tadeusz... /A sudden storm, which sunk "Jutrzenka" brought /about a drop in weather in the whole Baltic sea. /High winds, up to 100 km/h, /6 meter high collapsing waves, /temperature below 5 degrees Celsius, /made the rescue mission extremely demanding /and dangerous for the rescuers themselves. /According to the Coordination Office, /the rescue mission currently runs /with six units from Poland and Denmark. - Good morning, doctor. - Mr. Kral, is it? Well... Your daughter... /Suffers from hypothermia and shock. /We put her on some strengthening meds. /She should be fine. /She's sleeping. /She needs to rest. /But she'll be fine. /What about Milena? /What about my wife? /They've been out for hours, /but she is strong. I'm more worried about the baby. I don't understand... You said she was going to be fine. I'm talking about your wife. A condition like that is always dangerous for the foetus. But I hope everything will be fine. Tadeusz Kral speaking. /Some things you cannot avoid. /A time always comes, when you have to pay. Pardon? Halo? I don't understand. This was no coincidence. You know what I am talking about. Stay away from me and my family, got it? /They're alive. Get it? /They're alive! /And they will stay alive! /Nothing lasts forever. /Did you really think you could /erase everything from your memory? /The score must be settled. /From now on, nothing /will ever be the same. Your time has come. {C:$aaccff}MARKED Translation and subtitles: AnDyX NEXT WEEK ON "MARKED" /I know where your daughter is. I'm worried about Natka. - What are you drawing? - I don't know. She's drawing things... - Weird? - Indeed. Who are you? It is irrelevant. {C:$aaccff}.: Grupa Hatak - Hatak. pl:. .: Napisy24. pl:. I'm hank. I was your typical emergency room doctor.Until I got fired. You let a billionaire hospital trustee die to save some kid off the street. I made a judgment call. You made a mistake. This is my brother.I'm evan R.Lawson,C.P.A. He took me away from my troubles and to the hamptons. And suddenly,I had a chance to become a whole new kind of doctor. Turns out the wealthy and not so wealthy out here could use a guy who makes house calls. So I got a second chance to do what I do best. Obviously,thhae s to be something else. It's just not name change and arrested! There has to be something else. Mm,god,this is such good television. Isn't it your job to sort through company email? There is no email on sundays. I think you're thinking of mail. Uh,I think it's my job.I should know. You look cozy over there.Can I get you anything else? Cucumber eye pads,a chinese foot rub? I am finally starting to feel at home around here. Oh,yeah? Oh,good. 'Cause I was worried whether you'd survive the adjustment to all this. I think I've earned a day off,hank. Cash flow is up 25%,fixed costs are down 10%,we have a healthy reserve, and I finally started to put our capital to work for us. Is it working as hard as you? It's working. I'm investing our way towards a bigger business and a higher life,hank. Pretty soon,boris is gonna be living in our guest house. Yeah,you might want to explain all that to our medical supplier. Apparently,the check you wrote them for our new portable ekg machine just bounced. Yeah,well... you see,this is why you never read company emails on sundays,okay? I'm gonna be reading up on boris. Fix this,evan. All right,I'm all over it.Trust me.First thing tomorrow morning. And don't wait till tomorrow. So I know you're busy studying 100 years of german medical data, but,uh,there actually is one hankmed concern that's been on my mind today. Spokesmodel,corporate jet,or commercial during the super bowl? None of the above.It's divya. What about her? Should we discuss what our plan is? Our plan is to talk to her,see what her plan is. Okay,but what if she decides to do this? If she gets engaged and moves to london,what are we gonna do? Well,we'll find another P.A.,I guess. So you're not worried at all? I said we'd find another P.A. I didn't say we'd find another divya. Hill manor.Sound like a serious joint. You fired up for the social event of the season,henry? Zoey? Where are you going this time,huh? Zo? Zoey,honey,let's get you back to bed. Zoey? Honey? No,zoey,stop! royal.pains.s01e12 As we discussed,a full service bar will be set up there,in the courtyard... and out there,on the great lawn,next to the ceremony tents. No one will be waiting for drinks. Also,the dance floor will be up here in the courtyard. Crazy wedding here last night? Just a small maintenance operation. What kind of operation? We're cleaning the manor house. We're cleansing the manor house. I'm sorry? Look,ms.Katdare,we promise everything will be back to normal in time for your party. Zoey,why don't you show them the great lawn? I was just about to. Um,divya,a word,please. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? No matter how badly our parents want this, they wouldn't let us throw a tailgate party here,let alone our sakharpuda ceremony. Right.So... but maybe the montauk yacht club has a last minute cancellation. I'll call the event manager there. You resume the tour of amityville. This place seemed so normal when my sister got married here three years ago. Hi,um,I was wondering if you had space for a last minute event. Let's talk about this later. Sorry about that. No,please,look,ms.Katdare,we will have everythingcleaned up in time for your veryspecial occasion. You and mr.Bandyopadhyay seem likethe perfect couple, and you deservea truly perfect affair. Should we continue walking? Are you okay down there? Oh,yeah,it's it's no big deal. May I? It's no small deal. Okay,neither is that. Have you seen a doctor? Oh,the cough.Yeah,it comes and goes. And this just happenedlast night. Well,let's pausethe party planning for a moment.Shall we? So...how did thishappen,zoey? It's gonna soundvery strange. The houseis doing this to her. One more time. Every night,I see things. Really...indescribable things. And last night,I followed one of them right through that window. And why would the housebe making this happen? Well,amy thinksit's because I want to expand. Turn this place into a full servicebed and breakfast. And the housewants you to stay focused on events and catering. This househas been in our family for five generations. Ever since our great,great grandparents came here from scotlandand built it with their bare hands. Amy... any radical changeto that now would be an insultto them and what they left behind. My sister's a littleoff center sometimes. Oh,I know how you feel.My brothercouldn't find the center with a G.P.S.Device. How long has thisbeen going on? A couple weeks. You've been hallucinating every nightfor two weeks,and you haven'tseen a doctor? Let me take the sharps. Thank you. There are two options here. Either my sister's right, or I'm losing my mind. I don't think I couldhandle finding out either one is true. Look no oneshould have to feel like they're crazy or,even worse, like their sibling was rightabout something. I personally don't havemuch experience with the latter,but I imagine the painis unbearable. Excruciating. So... we better find youa third option. No signs of papilledema,so probably no increased intracranial... no abnormality of the soft palate muscles. No masses in the neckor thyroid. Deep breath in.Out. Lungs,heart,abdomen are normal. Count backwards from 100by sevens. -93,86,79,72 -okay,no cognitiveimpairment. No explanationfor the odd mixture of coughingand hallucinating. Time to take it upa notch. I'll geta ct scanner over here. Charlie... You're on the cutting edgeof home security,jill. You gonna detain me in a buckettill the cops arrived? What are you doingin my house? Doro alicha. Ethiopian chicken stew.It's traditional,but lively. -I'm not hungry. -Mm,I am. You know,ever sinceI,spent my life savings treating indigent peoplesacross the planet, I came back and had to crashat the hospital. You been sleeping there? Oh,yeah,and as muchas I love the amenities, found myself cravinga home cooked meal. So I couldn't helpbut wonder,why not live at home? Uh,because this isn'tyour home anymore. -Check the mortgage agreement. -Check the mortgage payments. Listen... I know I owe you some money. But here I am,working it off. Plus,wouldn't it be easierfor us to... attend to allour social obligations if we were under one roof? Oh,my motorcycle'sacting up. You're,um,you'regonna have to drive us. Yeah,I'll beattending this party solo. Thought you said you wereopen to a resolution. Yeah,not whenyou force feed me. Look,charlie,a lot happenedafter you left.I moved on. Jill,a man,uh... travels the worldin search of what he needs. And then he returns hometo find it. So you sort it outall you want,'cause when you're done,I'm gonna be right here... showing youjust how different things are gonna bethis time around. Well,ct was clean. No bleeds or lesions.Electrolytes are normal,and sugar's 102. She's slightly anemic.But that's nothing abnormal for a 29 year old woman. I think we need to lookinto environmental toxins or an infectious source. Given her sister's beliefs,should we be lookingat psychiatric disease? Maybe something genetic. Look,I checked.No family history.Let's rule outall organic causes first. After all,except for the coughing,zoey looks fine right now.No hallucinations at all. -Good,I'll get theseto the lab. -Good. Hallucinations? That's the clinical term,yes. That'sthe unenlightened term. Well,enlighten me,please. 20 years ago,we lost our parentsto an accident... to a drunk driver out on montauk highway. The very next day,I woke up and felttheir presence. This is gonna soundstrange to you,but I couldhear them speaking. That's whatgot me through it. And... I'm whatgot zoey through it. Okay,and what do you thinkis happening here? She's being hauntedby her own instincts. This house is sacred.And she should know it. I have a proposal,amy. You stay open mindedto my theories, and I'll stay open mindedto yours. Okay,here's my theory. Zoey will be fine as soon as she gives upher plan to turn our family's home into a bunchof rooms for rent. -What's your theory? -I don't have one yet. But zoeyasked me to find one, and I won't give upuntil I do. Someone close to you.Someone who looks like you. Someone with a letter "R. My brother.Evan R.Lawson? He's getting himselfinto trouble. Sorry,amy,you don'tneed a gift to sense that one. Sir,I'm telling you it's a clerical error.Okay,it's a big one. I'm the cfo of the company.I didn't conduct or approve any of these withdrawals or transfers. Well,of courseyou can do something.You're the bank manager. Yes,I'll hold again.Awesome. 'Cause whenall my money's missing,there's nothing I enjoy morethan the musical stylings of ms.Liza minnelli. Straight to voice mail.Okay. So I see you're ignoringmy calls now.That's interesting.we need to talk. My account's been depleted by someone who had accessto all my personal information. So,uh,any ideaswho that would be? Call me back,right now. -Hey. -Hey. How's work going? Work is good.Thanks. Did we get those suppliesdivya ordered? -Yeah,they're right there. -Okay. How much do they c what are they for again? I got to gocheck for mold at the houseof a hallucinating woman. Oh,wow,that sounds dangerous.Should we be charging hera premium for that,or what? No. But I should startgetting paid extra to deal with overbearing siblings. Mine and hers.She's gotthis psychic sister. Really? She's psychic? Hope she didn't put a 1 900number on the contact sheet. Actually,all she said was that you're in some kindof trouble. That's so weird. You know what? Actually,that mold thingsounds dangerous. I'm gonna comeand help you out,hank,okay? Okay,here's the deal. Two weeks,max. No matter what happensas far as us, start lookingfor your own place today. That's aggressive,but reasonable. And...you will staying the guest room. -What if,um -at all times. And last,but not leastof the ground rules,get your motorcycle fixed, because this whole rideshare to the hospitalis a one time event. I'm thinking aboutgetting a car. Sounds like progress. I'm thinking aboutpicking up one of these intelligent parking assist. Yeah,practicallyparks itself. Well,that doessound like progress. 'Cause you parallel parkingthat green saab that was always a bitof an extreme sport for you. Yeah,well,sadly for you, charlie,I've moved on. I think you have a habitof moving on to new things,a bit too quickly,jill. Well,any any information you give me could be,you know,like,extremely helpful. I'm not a magic 8 ball. Well,when it told youthat I was in trouble,did it sound,like,deeply alarmed, or was it just,like,merely concerned? You know all I know. But I would be carefulgoing into the house. I'm not surehow it will respond to your troubled aura right now. Amy...please... stop saying that. I mean,first of all,no one is gonna believe that the house is haunted. What,the house is haunted? Can I talk to you aboutthe tents over here? This is outsideour scope of practice,hank. We're not a conciergeghostbusters service,okay? We're going into look for mold.I'll take the attic,you take the basement. I'm not goingto the basement. Fine,you take the attic.Try not to get slimed. Oh,yeah,I should havetaken the basement. Jesus! Moldy,moldy,moldy,mold.Where are you? God,why would ichoose the attic? Hello? Satan? I bet the basementis finished... with,like,a pool table. You sent me up hereto look for mo... yo,I thinkI found the mold. henry... does the mold make you starthallucinating immediately? Okay,hank,get up hereright now. Because I don't think it's mold,I think it's ghosts. And...now the ghostsare morphing into bats! Hank! -Here is your iced tea,evan. -Thank you so much.I'm really thirsty. So that's a long islandiced tea. House specialty.I make them every dayfor family cocktail hour. Really? Apparently,spiritscalm the spirits. That's that'san interesting saying. amy,do you thinkthat the bats were the dark auraaround me? -No,I don'T . -Really? Tell me something,amy. are you still seeingthe dark aura around me? -Hey,is thatwhat I think it is? -Dead bat. Oh,my god! You could have justsaid yes,dude. Zoey,batscan carry rabies, which can causehallucinations. What? Just relax.Have you spent timein that attic? I've been up thereonce or twice to take measurementsfor the bb. See,zoey? The bats,the house. Everyone thinks the bbls a bad idea. Sadly,the house and the batsdon't get a vote. Well,I'llgo tell them that. My only recent biteshave been mosquito bites, especially since amy started making ussleep outside. Well,believe it or not,bat bites and mosquito bites look a lot alike. They're actually really toughto differentiate. Oh,my god.I know I got bit.I got bit somewhere. Any other theories? Well,a certain funguscan grow on bat guano and causea respiratory infection called histoplasmosis. The symptoms don't typicallyinclude hallucinations, but coughingis a hallmark sign,along with chills,fever,and headaches. I've had this coughfor a couple weeks now. Yeah,you saidit comes and goes. Comes by day,goes by night. Do you take anythingfor it? No,I had a bad reactionto antibiotics when I was younger,so medication kind offreaks me out. Well,while the labtests the bat,I'd like to do a skin testto check for the histoplasmosis, allergies,and anything else that might tell uswhat's going on here. -Okay. -Okay. Hank... Remember when I saidI was too afraid to go see a doctor? If I'd known there wasa doctor out there like you,I might have foundthe courage. Dude,look at this.Is that a bat biteor a mosquito bite? You know,I can't really say. They're exactly the same? If I got bit by a bat,what's gonna happen to me? All right,worst casescenario,you die. Best case scenario,you become immortal. What? Put your shirt on. tough to findan appropriate card for strategic indian engagement. Yeah,you have no ideahow long it took me to narrow it downto these two. There's more cardsover there. So will I see youat hill manor? I guess so. By the way,do you knowthe hill sisters? I grew up with them. What were they like? Well,uh,zoey was sweetand pretty.Outgoing. And she knew everyoneand always got the guy. And amy? Mm...amy wore black and foundedthe high school's wicca club. Pretty quirky chick. But,you know,in her own special way,she always looked outfor her sister and I respected that. I imagine you would too. So speaking ofold acquaintances... I guess I owe youan explanation. Oh,look,to be honest,jill,I really don't wantto hear about it. About him. If he's here to staythis time,if it worksfor you and him,I'm happy for you. And if it doesn't,you know where to find me. As long as you get that I can't put my life on holdin the meantime. And I wouldn't ask you to. I just need to figure outwhat's right for me,and I can't rusha decision like that. No,I get it. Let's see what you got. Why this one? It's just more...you. I agree. When you first thoughtthat place might not work,what was it that youwere thinking? Truthfully? I was thinking divine intervention. Spiritual intervention.Whatever.I thought it was an out. There are no more outs. We tried to delay this again,and they moved it up. We're almost there. We may as well justget it over with. Well,you soundso terribly excited about this marriage. I know many coupleswho got married deeply in love. Now,they barely speak. You have been my best friendfor 20 years. We trust and respecteach other.We never fight. Maybe we'll grow into love, instead of fallingin and out of it. But does it feel rightto you? Divya... we have to stopbeing emotional about logical decisions. Is zoey's lab reportback yet? No. But her scratch testwas positive for histoplasmosis. Which explainsthe coughing by day,but not the hallucinatingby night. And I just don't thinkthis is psychosis. Which leads us tothe possibility of encephalitis. We got to get this thingsolved quickly,so you can get engaged. Well,let's not be too hastywith patient care. So we... divya,we know you and raj are gonna havesome big decisions to make. Just know that evan and iare here to stay. And there's always,always a place for you here with hankmed,no matter what. Well,I appreciate that. And I'll let you knowwhat my future holds... as soon as my parentsdecide it for me. Well,maybenegotiations'll still fall apartlast minute. Maybe your dad'llraise the dowry to five goats and a donkey and raj'll call ita deal breaker! Hmm,maybeyou're the donkey. Hankmed,how can okay,slow down. It's amy hill,and she's freaking out. We're on our way. Ah,I tried I tried to get up there,but the attic doorlocked behind her. All right,I'm gonna finda way to get on that roof. Evan,you tryto find a ladder.Divya,keep amy back. Zoey,please! Just stay where you are. Don't worry.Hank'll take care of this. Zoey zoey,zoey,don't move. Look,nothingyou're seeing is real. And you could hurt yourselfreally badly if you take another step. Do you understand me? Zoey,zoey. Zoey,are you okay? Where's hank? There you are. Here,divya,I got it. Here,let's get her downover here. Zoey,what were you doing? Amy.Your ears are really big. Whoa,is she okay? As far as the fall,yeah.Yeah,she'll be fine. You want to dothe spinal tap tonight? And that's not alll want to do. There may be only one way to get to the bottom of thisimmediately. -Mri? -Exorcism? Her hallucinationsonly manifest at night,so we're gonna worka graveyard shift. A sleepover? I'm a huge fanof that procedure. -Okay,lidocaine. -Prepped. Wow,you're doinga spinal tap in the very placeyou'll be getting engaged in the next couple days. That's got to be nine differentkinds of bad luck. Shut up,evan. What is this for? Spinal needle.It'll help useither diagnose or rule outthe encephalitis. Elephantitis? No,I don't seeany elephants. All I see is that reallybig knife. How's that even gonnafit in me? She just okay,here we go. You're doing great. Well,this is a new onefor hankmed. Why don't you just summon the apparitions? Okay,why are youasking me? 'Cause you're indian.Maybe some of the rituals translate,right? Wait a second.You think that hinduismand wicca have overlapping ideologies? I'm just thinkingoutside the box. You're a bloodyneanderthal.Honestly,you'rea bloody neanderthal. What,every time I just Amy... everything okay? No,it's not. I need to get hersomething to drink,but we've run outof supplies out here. I'd have to go...inside. If evan needed me to go in that house,I wouldn't care if it was infested with mountain lions, I'd go in,but... you know,that's just me. No,it's not just you. If zoey asks for me,tell her I'll be right out. Wa wait.You're gonna go in the house? I thou what aboutthe cleansing? I guess I'll justhave to start a new one... after I fix usa round of iced teas. Zoey. When do you usually haveyour daily cocktail? Every night before bed. That's what helpsstop the coughing,silly. Okay,I'll be backin a minute. Guys,keep an eye on herfor me,please. What the hell have youbeen giving your sister? It's just cough syrup. She's beenup all night,so... I'm giving hera second dose. Does she know you've been putting that in her drinkthis whole time? If she did,she wouldn't drink it,because she refusesto take medication. I just couldn't stand listening to her sufferevery night. This brand of cough syrup has an extremely high percentage of dextromethorphan. Why does that matter? High volume,highconcentration doses of dxm are a bad idea. and for some people with a genetic inabilityto metabolize it it's a toxic idea. You give her this,and within 15 minutes,she stops coughing, but two hours later,when its action peaks,she starts jumpingthrough windows. I had no clue. I thoughtI was helping her. Do you have any idea what it's like to begiven way more responsibility than you ever...asked for? Way more than youever deserved? When I was 12,my mom got sick. My dad,who lost all our moneyin the stock market,couldn't affordto take care of her. So he gave up. On her,on us,and he left.And then our mom died. I know exactlywhat it's like. Being the older siblingone day and then feeling likea parent the next. You do anything you canto protect the only thing you have left. So inanimate objects would grow,shrink,and bend. Distanceand depth perception would be skewed as well. For instance,if you werestanding on the roof,looking down, jumping into the moatmight look like nothing more than stepping into a puddle. What's wrong with me,hank? It's a disorientingneurological condition calledalice in wonderland syndrome. But once you stoptaking the cough syrup and the dxm in it, you will be back in the realworld with the rest of us. What about her cough? We'll administer an antifungalcalled itraconazole. It will treatthe histoplasmosis and clear up the coughas well. Safely. I am so sorry,zo. No,it's it's okay. At least we verifiedthat medicine and i still don't get along. Don't blame the medicine. Blame me. I'm the onewho made you spend two weeks in...wonderland. You broke a cleanse for me. I know how seriouslyyou take those. Some thingsI take more seriously. Oh,g hank! It's it's happening! So do you think I'm gonnaturn into like a an old school,bela lugosi type, or maybe like a hip,sexy,twilight vampire with,like,the And,like,the cool hair,or what? I I can't see anything. What do you call those,enrique? Look at the red lines. I can alreadyfeel my skin burning from the sunlightpouring in. There's nothingon your arm. Why do you keep saying that? Look... okay,what the hellis happening to me? Your mind is playing trickson you. I'm hallucinating like like zoey? Well,with her,her bodywas affecting her mind. With you,it's the opposite. And you have been actingeven weirder than usual. Why are youso worked up,evan? Come on,whatever it is,you can tell me. You know what? It's,uh... it's nothingyou have to worry about. But thank you for...being there. You know,you always are. It's got to be exhaustinghaving to... bail me out of troubleover and over again. Yeah,well,I didn'thave much of a choice this time. You ran into my roomand jumped into my bed. It's beautiful. So,uh...congratulations? Yeah,we're so...ambivalent for you. If you think that thisis uncomfortable,wait till you seewhat happens in 15 minutes. When I stand upand piss off a tent full of bandyopadhyaysand katdares. Oh,my god,are you pregnant? No,I'm not pregnant. Are you gay? Evan,really? Divya... what are you talking about? I've thought aboutwhat you both said to me. And you're right. I can't do this. I won't do this. And I'm gonna tell thatto all of them. How did raj take this? He doesn't know yet.He would just tryto talk me out of it. And even if he didn't,I don't want him to appearcomplicit in this. I'm going to do thisall on my own. Divya. Anyway,I'm so gladthat you both came. 'Cause I may need you tostand by with a getaway vehicle. I'm way ahead of you. I record the whole thingon my phone camera and we sell it to bollywoodas a reality show,right? You read my mind. Speaking of,here comes patricia arquette and alice herself. Hey,how are you feeling,zoey? Cough gone,hallucinations gone. Know what's weird? I almost missmy little wonderland. It's like somebody rippedthe 3 d glasses right off my face. Nah,I'll take youto an imax movie sometime.Way safer. I got to say,it's really nice to see you guysup and running again wow. Actually,this is ourlast event for a while. Really? Why? To renovatefor our expansion into a bed and breakfast. How'd shechange your mind? Actually,you guys did it. You staying herethe other night made me realizehow rewarding it could be... to have overnight guests. Well,sleepoversand epiphanies.Just two more serviceswe provide at hankmed. Zip it. But,for the record,doctor,we'll never know if youcleaned house here the other night,or I did. Well,scienceand spirituality can share the crediton this one. Uh,looks likewe need more chairs.Excuse me. Have you seenthat lily pond up close? You sure it's not justa little puddle? Oh,well,why don'twe go find out? What do you mean,"it's done and done"? Well,no,this is what I'm saying. There is no more time.We need that money back now. I can't believeyou're doing this to me.Again. Hello? Hey,evan. Do you know where hank is? Yeah,he is right... he was right there. This place is spooky. Yeah,there's somethingimportant I need to tell him. Yeah,you and me both. Um... I thinkhe's at the bar. Oh,no,wait psychic moment.That's where I'm headed. This is beautiful. We used to throw partiesright here, but when a drunken groomsman went skinny dippingin the lily pond,amy didn't take itvery well. She is really protectiveof this place,huh? And really protectiveof you. I really haven't noticed. You two definitely don't seemcut from the same cloth. Oh,well,the same thingcould be said about you and evan. And it has been said. Yeah,life sent him one way,me another. And then it did a funny thingand brought us back together to start this littlebusiness of ours. And somehow... we have foundcommon ground. You know,um,I grew up hearing peoplecall my sister crazy every single day. You never assumedI was crazy. Gave me the benefit of the doubt. Most peoplewouldn't have,hank. Yeah,well,more people should be like us. And less people should be like most people. so... about that movieyou suggested. Oh,not just a movie.An imax experience. But,zoey,um...you're a patient. But I'm cured now. Yeah,yeah,it looks like you are. So I'm nota patient anymore. That's true. I just gotout of a relationship. Oh,you should have ledwith that reason. Probably should have. I I just need some time,you know,before jumpinginto something new. And I have no ideahow much time it'll take. Maybe I could tell you. Really? And how would you do that? Amy taught mehow to read palms. Let's see here. I see a blonde. In a lavender summer dress. I am so sorry,raj. Thank you all for coming. And I,uh,I apologizefor wasting your time. But there will beno engagement ceremony. There will be no wedding.There will be no moreof this farce whatsoever. I could stand up hereand tell you that I love rajwith all my heart,but the truth is... I don'T. Nor does he love me. We are just two friends,never given a chance to loveanybody but each other. And we deserve that chance. And now... finally... we're going to have it. What's up,brah? Did jill find you yet? No,why? What'd she say? She had somethingimportant to tell you. So do I. What's up? We're broke. What do you mean broke? I mean depleted,destitute,insolvent. I was asking for anexplanation,not a thesaurus. What the hell are youtalking about,evan? Well,I,uh,I invested our working capital in some alternative,high yield instruments english,evan. We got scammed. You got scammed.By who? And it's all gone,you know. Almost every last pennyof it,at least.It's it's gone. Why are you not furious? Oh,I'm furious. I I'm furious.I'm just not surprised. In fact,the only shock hereis that it took this long for you to let me down. Look,I'm gonnafind a way to get that money. Don't you get it? It's not about the money.It's about the secrets,the lies,the greed. We can rebuild.I know we can. Yeah,hankmed,maybe. My trust in you... doubtful. Come on,that... hank. Hank! I'm I'm guessingyou're here for jill. Would you like me to let herknow you dropped by next time I see her? Uh,actually,I was toldshe had a message for me. But... I guess I got the messagepretty clearly now. Let me know if it needsany further clarification. Maybe I can help you outwith that. Who was at the door? Oh,it was just some guy. He had the wrong house. No,he didn't,charlie. You did.Get your stuffand get out. Now. charlie. Leave the wine. evan? Evan? royal.pains.s01e12 I can't believeyou didn't tell me that dad took all our money. I'm Hank. I was your typical emergency room doctor. Until I got fired. You let a billionaire hospital trustee die to save some kid off the street. I made a judgment call. You made a mistake. This is my brother. I'm Evan R. Lawson, CPA. He took me away from my troubles and to the Hamptons. And suddenly, I had a chance to become a whole new kind of doctor. It turns out the wealthy and not so wealthy out here could use a guy who makes house calls. So, I've got a second chance to do what I do best. Obviously, there has to be something else. It's just not name changed and arrested. There has to be something else. God, this is such good television. Isn't it your job to sort through company email? There is no email on Sundays. I think you're thinking of mail. Uh, I think it's my job. I should know. You look cozy over there. Can I get you anything else? Cucumber eye pads? A Chinese foot rub? I am finally starting to feel at home around here. Oh, yeah? Oh, good, 'cause I was worried whether you'd survive the adjustment to all this. I think I've earned a day off, Hank. Cash flow's up 25%, fixed costs are down 10%, we have a healthy reserve, and I've finally started to put our capital to work for us. Is it working as hard as you? It's working. I'm investing our way towards a bigger business and a higher life, Hank. Pretty soon, Boris is going to be living in our guest house. Yeah. You might want to explain all that to our medical supplier. Apparently, the check you wrote them for our new portable EKG machine just bounced. Yeah, well... You see, this is why you never read company emails on Sundays. Okay? I'm going to be reading up on Boris. Fix this, Evan. All right. I'm all over it. Trust me. First thing tomorrow morning. And don't wait till tomorrow. So, I know you're busy studying a hundred years of German medical data, but, uh, there actually is one HankMed concern that's been on my mind today. Spokesmodel, corporate jet or commercial during the Super Bowl? None of the above. It's Divya. What about her? Should we discuss what our plan is? Our plan is to talk to her. See what her plan is. Okay. But what if she decides to do this? And if she gets engaged and moves to London, what are we going to do? Well, we'll find another PA, I guess. So, you're not worried at all? I said we'd find another PA. I didn't say we'd find another Divya. Hill Manor. Sounds like a serious joint. You fired up for the social event of the season, Henry? Zoey? Where are you going this time, huh? Zo? Zoey, honey, let's get you back to bed. Zoey? Honey? No, Zoey, stop! As we discussed, a full-service bar will be set up there in the courtyard and out there on the great lawn, next to the ceremony tent. No one will be waiting for drinks. Also, the dance floor will be up here in the courtyard. Crazy wedding here last night? Just a small maintenance operation. What kind of operation? We're cleaning the manor house. We're cleansing the manor house. I'm sorry? Look. Ms. Katdare, we promise everything will be back to normal in time for your party. Zoey, why don't you show them the great lawn? I was just about to. Uh... Divya. A word, please. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? No matter how badly your parents want this, they wouldn't let us throw a tailgate party here. Let alone our Sakharpuda ceremony. Right. So... Maybe the Montauk Yacht Club has a last-minute cancellation. I'll call the event manager there. You resume the tour of Amityville. This place seemed so normal when my sister got married here three years ago. Hi. Um, I was wondering if you had space for a last-minute event that... Let's just talk about this later. Sorry about that. No. Please. Look, Ms. Katdare. We will have everything cleaned up in time for your very special occasion. You and Mr. Bandyopadhyay seem like the perfect couple. And you deserve a truly perfect affair. Should we continue walking? Are you okay down there? Oh. Yeah, it's... It's no big deal. May I? It's no small deal. Okay, neither is that. Have you seen a doctor? Oh, the cough... Yeah, it comes and goes. And this just happened last night. Well, let's pause the party planning for a moment, shall we? So. How did this happen, Zoey? It's going to sound very strange. The house is doing this to her. One more time? Every night, I see things. Really indescribable things. And last night, I followed one of them right through that window. And why would the house be making this happen? Well, Amy thinks it's because I want to expand. Turn this place into a full-service bed and breakfast. And the house wants you to stay focused on events and catering. This house has been in our family for five generations, ever since our great-great-grandparents came here from Scotland and built it with their bare hands. Amy... Any radical change to that now would be an insult to them and what they left behind. My sister's a little off-center sometimes. Oh. I know how you feel. My brother couldn't find the center with a GPS device. How long has this been going on? A couple weeks. You've been hallucinating every night for two weeks and you haven't seen a doctor? Mmm... Let me take the sharps. Thank you. There are two options here. Either my sister's right or I'm losing my mind. I don't think I could handle finding out either one is true. Look. No one should have to feel like they're crazy, or, even worse, like their sibling was right about something. I personally don't have much experience with the latter, but I imagine the pain is unbearable. Excruciating. Yeah. So... We better find you a third option. No signs of papilledema, so probably no increased... No abnormality of the soft palate muscles. No masses in the neck or thyroid. Deep breath in. Out. Lungs, heart, abdomen are normal. Count backwards from 100 by sevens. 93, 86, 79, 72... Okay. No cognitive impairment. And no explanation for the odd mixture of coughing and hallucinating. Time to take it up a notch. I'll get a CT scanner over here. Charlie. You're on the, uh, cutting edge of home security, Jill. Are you going to detain me in a bucket until the cops arrive? What are you doing in my house? Doro alicha. Ethiopian chicken soup. It's traditional, but lively. I'm not hungry. Mmm. I am. You know, ever since I, uh, spent my life savings treating indigent peoples across the planet, I came back and I had to crash at the hospital. Uh, you've been sleeping there? Oh, yeah. And as much as I love the amenities, I found myself craving a home-cooked meal. So, I couldn't help but wonder... Why not live at home? Uh... Because this isn't your home anymore. Check the mortgage agreement. Check the mortgage payments. Listen. I know I owe you some money. But here I am, working it off. Plus, wouldn't it be easier for us to attend to all our social obligations if we were under one roof? Oh, my motorcycle is acting up. You're, um... You're going to have to drive us. Yeah, I'll be attending this party solo. I thought you said you were open to a resolution. Yeah. Not when you force-feed me. Look, Charlie. A lot happened after you left. I moved on. Jill, a man, uh, travels the world in search of what he needs. And then he returns home to find it. So, you sort it out all you want, 'cause when you're done, I'm going to be right here, showing you just how different things are gonna be this time around. Her CT was clean. No bleeds or lesions. Electrolytes are normal and sugar is 102. She's slightly anemic, but that's nothing abnormal for a 29-year-old woman. I think we need to look into environmental toxins or an infectious source. Given her sister's beliefs, should we be looking at psychiatric disease? It may be something genetic. Look, I checked. No family history. Let's rule out all organic causes first. After all, except for the coughing, Zoey looks fine right now. No hallucinations at all. Okay. I'll get these to the lab. Good. Hallucinations? That's the clinical term, yes. That's the unenlightened term. Well, enlighten me, please. Twenty years ago, we lost our parents to an accident. To a drunk driver out on Montauk Highway. The very next day, I woke up and felt their presence. This is going to sound strange to you, but I could hear them speaking. That's what got me through it. And... I'm what got Zoey through it. Okay. And what do you think is happening here? She's being haunted by her own instincts. This place is sacred, and she should know it. I have a proposal, Amy. You stay open-minded to my theories, and I'll stay open-minded to yours. Okay. Here's my theory. Zoey will be fine as soon as she gives up her plan to turn our family's home into a bunch of rooms for rent. Okay. What's your theory? I don't have one yet. But Zoey asked me to find one, and I won't give up until I do. Hmm. Mmm-hmm? Hmm. Mmm? Someone close to you. Someone who looks like you. Someone with the letter "R"? My brother. Evan R. Lawson? He's getting himself into trouble. Sorry, Amy. You don't need a gift to sense that one. Sir, I'm telling you it's a clerical error. Okay? It's a big one. I'm the CFO of the company. I didn't conduct or approve any of these withdrawals or transfers. Well, of course you can do something. You're the bank manager. Yes, I'll hold again. Awesome. Because when all my money's missing, there's nothing I enjoy more than the musical stylings of Ms. Liza Minnelli. Straight to voicemail. Okay. So, I see you're ignoring my calls now. That's interesting. Uh... We need to talk. My account's been depleted by someone who had access to all my personal information. So, uh, any ideas who that could be? Call me back right now. Hey. Hey. How's work going? Work is good. Thanks. Did we get those supplies Divya ordered? Yeah, they're right there. Okay. How much did they... What are they for again? I've got to go check for mold at the house of a hallucinating woman. Oh, wow. That sounds dangerous. Should we be charging her a premium for that, or... What? No. But I should start getting paid extra to deal with overbearing siblings. Mine and hers. She's got this psychic sister. Really? She's psychic? I hope she didn't put a 1-900 number on the contact sheet. Actually, all she said was that you're in some kind of trouble. That's so weird. You know what? Actually, that mold thing sounds dangerous. I'm going to come and help you out, Hank. Okay? Okay. Here's the deal. Two weeks, max. No matter what happens, as far as us... Start looking for your own place today. That's aggressive, but reasonable. And you will stay in the guest room. What if, um... At all times. All right. And last but not least of the ground rules, get your motorcycle fixed, because this whole rideshare to the hospital is a one-time event. I'm thinking about getting a car. Sounds like progress. I'm thinking about picking up one of these. "Intelligent Parking Assist. " Yeah. It practically parks itself. Well, that does sound like progress. Because you parallel-parking that green Saab... That was always a bit of an extreme sport for you. Yeah, well, sadly for you, Charlie, I've moved on. I think you have a habit of moving on to new things a bit too quickly, Jill. Well, any... Any information you give me could be, you know, extremely helpful. I'm not a Magic 8 Ball. Well, when it told you that I was in trouble, did it sound, like, deeply alarmed? Or was it just, like, merely concerned? I'm sorry. You know all I know. But I would be careful going into the house. I'm not sure how it will respond to your troubled aura right now. Amy. Please. Stop saying that. I mean, first of all, no one is going to believe that the house is haunted. What? The house is haunted? Can I talk to you about the tents over here? This is outside our scope of practice, Hank. We're not a concierge ghostbuster service, okay? We're going in to look for mold. I'll take the attic. You take the basement. I'm not going to the basement. Fine. You take the attic. Try not to get slimed? Yep. Oh, yeah. I should have taken the basement. Moldy, moldy, moldy mold. Where are you? God. Why would I choose the attic? Hello? Satan? I bet the basement is finished, with, like, a pool table. He sent me up here to look for... Yo. I think I found the mold. And there's a lot of it. Um, Henry... Does the mold make you start hallucinating immediately? Okay. Hank, get up here right now because I don't think it's mold. I think it's ghosts. And now the ghosts are morphing into bats! Hank! Okay. Hank! Oh, God. Hank, get up here! Here is your iced tea, Evan. Thank you so much. I'm really thirsty. So, that's a Long Island iced tea. House specialty. I make them every day for family cocktail hour. Really? Apparently, spirits calm the spirits. That's an... That's an interesting saying. Um... Amy... Do you think that the bats were the dark aura around me? Mmm-mmm. No, I don't. Really? Tell me something, Amy. Uh... Are you still seeing the dark aura around me? Hey. Is that what I think it is? Dead bat. Oh, my God. You could have just said yes, dude. Zoey, bats can carry rabies, which can cause hallucinations. What? Relax. Have you spent time in that attic? I've been up there once or twice. To take measurements for the B and B. See, Zoey? The bats, the house. Everyone thinks the B and B is a bad idea. Sadly, the house and the bats don't get a vote. Well, I'll go tell them that. My only recent bites have been mosquito bites. Especially since Amy started making us sleep outside. Well, believe it or not, bat bites and mosquito bites look a lot alike. They're actually really tough to differentiate. Oh, my God. I know I got bit. I got bit somewhere. Any other theories? A certain fungus can grow on bat guano and cause a respiratory infection called histoplasmosis. The symptoms don't typically include hallucinations, but coughing is a hallmark sign, along with chills, fever and headaches. I've had this cough for a couple weeks now. Yeah, you said it comes and goes. Comes by day, goes by night. Do you take anything for it? No. I had a bad reaction to antibiotics when I was younger, so medication kind of freaks me out. Well, while the lab tests the bat, I'd like to do a skin test to check for the histoplasmosis, allergies, and anything else that might tell us what's going on here. Okay. Okay. Hank? Yeah. Remember when I said I was too afraid to go see a doctor? Yeah. If I had known there was a doctor out there like you, I might have found the courage. Dude, look at this. Whoa. Is that a bat bite or a mosquito bite? You know, I can't really say. They're exactly the same? Yeah. If I got bit by a bat, what's going to happen to me? All right. Worst case scenario, you die. Best case scenario, you become immortal. What? Put your shirt on. Dude. Hey. Tough to find an appropriate card for "strategic Indian engagement. " Yeah. You have no idea how long it took for me to narrow it down to these two. There's more cards over there. So, will I see you at Hill Manor? I guess so. By the way, do you know the Hill sisters? I grew up with them. What were they like? Well, uh, Zoey was sweet and pretty. Outgoing. And she knew everyone and always got the guy. Hmm. And Amy? Mmm. Amy wore black and founded the high school's Wicca club. Pretty quirky chick. But, you know, in her own special way, she always looked out for her sister. And I respected that. Hmm. I imagine you would, too. So, speaking of old acquaintances... I guess I owe you an explanation. Oh, look. To be honest, Jill, I really don't want to hear about it. About him. I mean, if he's here to stay this time, if it works for you and him, I'm happy for you. And if it doesn't, you know where to find me. As long as you get that I can't put my life on hold in the meantime. I wouldn't ask you to. I just need to figure out what's right for me, and I can't rush a decision like that. No. I get it. Let's see what you got. Hmm. Why this one? It's just more you. I agree. When we first thought Hill Manor might not work, what was it that you were thinking? Truthfully? I was thinking divine intervention. Spiritual intervention. I mean, whatever. I thought it was an out. There are no more outs. We tried to delay this again, and they moved it up. We're almost there. We may as well just get it over with. Well. You sound so terribly excited about this marriage. I know many couples who got married deeply in love. Now they barely speak. You have been my best friend for 20 years. We trust and respect each other. We never fight. Maybe we'll grow into love, instead of falling in and out of it. But does it feel right to you? Divya, we have to stop being emotional about logical decisions. Is Zoey's lab report back yet? No. But her scratch test was positive for histoplasmosis. Which explains the coughing by day, but not the hallucinating by night. And I just don't think this is psychosis. Which leads us to the possibility of encephalitis. We've got to get this thing solved quickly, so you can get engaged. Well, let's not be too hasty with patient care. So, we... Divya, we know you and Raj are going to have some big decisions to make. Just know that Evan and I are here to stay. And there is always, always a place for you here with HankMed, no matter what. Well, I appreciate that. And I'll let you know what my future holds, as soon as my parents decide it for me. Well, maybe negotiations will still fall apart last-minute. Maybe your dad will raise the dowry to five goats and a donkey, and Raj will call it a deal breaker. Mmm. Maybe you're the donkey. HankMed. How can we... Okay, slow down. It's Amy Hill and she's freaking out. Yep. We're on our way. I tried... I tried to get up there, but the attic door locked behind her. All right. I'm gonna find a way to get on that roof. Evan, you try to find a ladder. Divya, keep Amy back. Zoey, please just stay where you are. Don't worry. Hank will take care of this. Zoey? Zoey? Zoey, don't move. Hi. Nothing you're seeing is real. And you could hurt yourself really badly if you take another step. Do you understand me? Zoey? Zoey. Good. Good. Good. Good. Zoey! Zoey. Are you okay? I got you. Where's Hank? There you are. Here. Divya, I got her. Okay. Let's get her down over here. Okay. Come here. Right here. Here you go. You got her? Easy. Yep. Gentle. Okay. Zoey, what were you doing? Amy. Your ears are really big. Whoa. Is she okay? As far as the fall, yeah. Yeah, she'll be fine. You want to do the spinal tap tonight. And that's not all I want to do. There may be only one way to get to the bottom of this immediately. MRI? Exorcism? Her hallucinations only manifest at night, so we're going to work a graveyard shift. A sleepover? I'm a huge fan of that procedure. Okay. Lidocaine? Prepped. Wow, you're doing a spinal tap in the very place you'll be getting engaged in the next couple days. That's got to be nine different kinds of bad luck. Shut up, Evan. What is this for? Spinal needle. It will help us either diagnose or rule out the encephalitis. Elephantitis? No. I don't see any elephants. All I see is that really big knife. How is that even going to fit in me? She just said... Okay. Here we go. You're doing great. Mmm. Well, this is a new one for HankMed. Why don't you just summon the apparitions? Okay. Why are you asking me? Because you're Indian. Maybe some of the rituals translate. Right? What? Wait a second. You think that Hinduism and Wicca are overlapping ideologies? I'm just thinking outside the box. You're a bloody Neanderthal. Honestly, you're a bloody Neanderthal. Why? Every time I just... Amy? Everything okay? No, it's not. I need to get her something to drink, but we've run out of supplies out here. I'd have to go inside. If Evan needed me to go in that house, I wouldn't care if it was infested with mountain lions, I'd go in. But, you know, that's just me. No, it's not just you. If Zoey asks for me, tell her I'll be right out. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. You're going to go in the house? What about the cleansing? I guess I'll just have to start a new one, after I fix us a round of iced teas. Zoey? When do you usually have your daily cocktail? Every night before bed. It's what helps stop the coughing, silly. Okay. I'll be back in a minute. Guys, keep an eye on her for me, please. Yeah. Yeah. Amy? What the hell have you been giving your sister? It's just cough syrup. She's been up all night, so I'm giving her a second dose. Does she know you've been putting that in her drink this whole time? If she did, she wouldn't drink it because she refuses to take medication. I just couldn't stand listening to her suffer every night. This brand of cough syrup has an extremely high percentage of dextromethorphan. Why does that matter? High-volume, high-concentration doses of DXM are a bad idea. I... I don't... And for some people with a genetic inability to metabolize it, it's a toxic idea. You give her this, and within 15 minutes, she stops coughing. But two hours later, when its action peaks, she starts jumping through windows. I had no clue. I thought I was helping her. Do you have any idea what it's like to be given way more responsibility than you ever asked for? Way more than you ever deserved? When I was 12, my mom got sick. My dad, who'd lost all our money in the stock market, couldn't afford to take care of her. So he gave up on her, on us, and he left. And then our mom died. I know exactly what it's like. Being the older sibling one day and then feeling like a parent the next. You do anything you can to protect the only thing you have left. So, inanimate objects would grow, shrink and bend. Distance and depth perception would be skewed, as well. For instance, if you were standing on the roof looking down, jumping into the moat might look like nothing more than stepping into a puddle. What's wrong with me, Hank? It's a disorienting neurological condition called Alice in Wonderland syndrome. But once you stop taking the cough syrup and the DXM in it, you will be back in the real world with the rest of us. What about her cough? We'll administer an antifungal called itraconazole. It will treat the histoplasmosis and clear up the cough, as well. Safely. I am so sorry, Zo. No, it's... It's okay. At least we verified that medicine and I still don't get along. Don't blame the medicine. Blame me. I'm the one who made you spend two weeks in Wonderland. You broke a cleanse for me. I know how seriously you take those. Some things I take more seriously. Oh... Hank! It's... It's happening! So, do you think I'm going to turn into, like, a... An old-school Bela Lugosi type? Or maybe, like, a hip, sexy Twilight vampire with, like, the... And, like, the cool hair, or what? Dude, I... I can't see anything. What do you call those, Enrique? Look at the red lines. I can already feel my skin burning from the sunlight pouring in. There's nothing on your arm. Why do you keep saying that? Look... Okay. What the hell is happening to me? Your mind is playing tricks on you. I'm hallucinating, like Zoey. Well, with her, her body was affecting her mind. With you, it's the opposite. And you have been acting even weirder than usual. Why are you so worked up, Ev? Come on. Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know what? It's nothing you have to worry about. Okay? But thank you for being there. You know. You always are. It's got to be exhausting, having to bail me out of trouble over and over again. Yeah, well, I didn't have much of a choice this time. You ran into my room and jumped into my bed. It's beautiful. Congratulations. I'm very happy for you. Thank you so much. So, uh, congratulations? Yeah. We're so ambivalent for you. Yeah. If you think that this is uncomfortable, wait till you see what happens in 15 minutes, when I stand up and piss off a tent full of Bandyopadhyays and Katdares. Oh, my God. Are you pregnant? No, I'm not pregnant. Are you gay? Evan, really? Divya. What are you talking about? I've thought about what you both said to me. And you're right. I mean, I can't do this. I won't do this. And I'm going to tell that to all of them. Good. How did Raj take this? He doesn't know yet. He would just try to talk me out of it. And even if he didn't, I don't want him to appear complicit in this. Mmm-hmm. I'm going to do this all on my own. Divya. Anyway, I'm so glad that you both came because I may need you to stand by with a getaway vehicle. I'm way ahead of you. Really? I record the whole thing on my phone camera and we sell it to Bollywood as a reality show. Right? You read my mind. Yeah. Speaking of. Here comes Patricia Arquette and Alice, herself. Hey, girls. Hello. Hey. How you feeling, Zoey? Cough gone. Hallucinations gone. You know what's weird? I almost miss my little Wonderland. It's like somebody ripped the 3-D glasses right off my face. I'll take you to an IMAX movie sometime. Way safer. I've got to say. It's really nice to see you guys up and running again. Wow. Actually, this is our last event for a while. Really? Why? To renovate for our expansion into a bed and breakfast. Oh. Hmm. How did she change your mind? Actually, you guys did it. You staying here the other night made me realize how rewarding it could be to have overnight guests. Well, sleepovers and epiphanies, just two more services we provide at HankMed. Zip it. Okay. But for the record, Doctor, we'll never know if you cleaned house here the other night or I did. Well, science and spirituality can share the credit on this one. Oh. Looks like we need more chairs. Excuse me? Have you seen the lily pond up close? You sure it's not just a lily puddle? Oh, well, why don't we go find out? All right. What do you mean, it's done and done? Well, no. This is what I'm saying. There is no more time. We need that money back now. I can't believe you're doing this to me. Again. Hello? Hey. Evan. Do you know where Hank is? Yeah, he is right... He was right there. This place is spooky. Yeah. There's something important I need to tell him. Yeah, you and me both. Um, I think he's at the bar. Oh, no, wait. Psychic moment. That's where I'm headed. This is beautiful. We used to throw parties right here, but when a drunken groomsman went skinny-dipping in the lily pond, Amy didn't take it very well. She's really protective of this place, huh? Oh, yeah. And really protective of you. Oh, really? I haven't noticed. You two definitely don't seem cut from the same cloth. Oh. Well, the same thing could be said about you and Evan. And it has been said. Yeah. Life sent him one way, me another. And then, it did a funny thing and brought us back together to start this little business of ours. And somehow, we have found common ground. You know, um, I grew up hearing people call my sister crazy every single day. You never assumed I was crazy. You gave me the benefit of the doubt. Most people wouldn't have, Hank. Yeah, well, more people should be like us. And less people should be like most people. Um... So, about that movie you suggested... Uh-uh. Not just a movie. An IMAX Experience. But Zoey, um, you're a patient. But I'm cured now. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like you are. So, I'm not a patient anymore. That's true. I just got out of a relationship. Oh. You should have led with that reason. I probably should have. Mmm-hmm. I just need some time, you know, before jumping into something new, and I have no idea how much time it will take. Maybe I could tell you. Really? And how would you do that? Amy taught me how to read palms. Oh. Let's see here. Oh. I see a blonde in a lavender summer dress. I am so sorry, Raj. Thank you all for coming. And I, uh... I apologize for wasting your time. But there will be no engagement ceremony. There will be no wedding. There will be no more of this farce whatsoever. I could stand up here and tell you that I love Raj with all my heart. But the truth is I don't. Nor does he love me. We are just two friends, and never given a chance to love anybody but each other. And we deserve that chance. And now, finally, we're going to have it. Congratulations. Congratulations. What's up, bro? Did Jill find you yet? No. Why? What did she say? She had something important to tell you. Oh. And so do I. Well, what's up? We're broke. What do you mean, broke? I mean, depleted, destitute, insolvent. I was asking for an explanation, not a thesaurus. What the hell are you talking about, Evan? Well, I, uh... I invested our working capital in some alternative high-yield instruments. English, Evan. We got scammed. You got scammed. By who? And it's all gone, you know. Almost every last penny of it, at least. It's... It's gone. Why are you not furious? Oh, I'm furious. I... I'm furious. I'm just not surprised. In fact, the only shock here is that it took this long for you to let me down. Look. I'm going to find a way to get that money. Don't you get it? It's not about the money. It's about the secrets, the lies, the greed. We can rebuild. I know we can. Yeah. HankMed, maybe. My trust in you? Doubtful. Come on. That... Hank. Hank. I'm guessing you're here for Jill. Would you like me to let her know you dropped by next time I see her? Uh, actually, I was told she had a message for me. But I guess I got the message pretty clearly now. Cool. Let me know if it needs any further clarification. Maybe I can help you out with that. Yeah. Yeah. Who was at the door? Oh, it was just some guy. He had the wrong house. No, he didn't, Charlie. You did. Get your stuff and get out. Now. And, Charlie? Leave the wine. Evan? Evan? Hey. You've reached Evan R. Lawson, CFO of HankMed. Please leave a message. Thanks a lot. I can't believe you didn't tell me that Dad took all our money. were the color of muddy puddles; her birthmark, the color of poo. It was Saturday afternoon, and she was bored. Mary wished she had a friend to play piggybacks with. Mary's mood ring, which she'd found in a cereal box, was gray, which, according to the chart, meant she was either pensive, unconsciously ambitious, or hungry. Her only friends were the Noblets from her favorite cartoon. They weren't the real ones you bought in the shops but fake ones that she had to make herself from shells, gumnuts, pompoms, and the chicken bones salvaged from Friday night's takeaway. She had to make all her own toys, and her favorites were shrinkles, potato chip packets that she had shrunk in the oven. Mary's father, Noel Norman Dinkle, worked in a factory attaching the strings to tea bags. At show-and-tell, she told the class he could get as many free tea bags as he wanted. Her favorite tea bag was Earl Grey. She loved saying, "Earl Grey," and would like one day to marry someone called Earl Grey. They would live in a castle in Scotland, have nine babies, two ducks, and a dog called Kevin. Noel's hobby was to sit in his shed and drink Bailey's Irish Cream and stuff birds he'd found on the side of the freeway. Mary wished he'd spend more time with her and less with his dead friends. She also wished she had some brothers and sisters. Her mother had told her she was an accident How could someone be an accident? Grand-Poppy Ralph had told her that babies were deliberate, and found by dads at the bottom of their beer Grand-Poppy Ralph had smelt like pickled onions and had been a member of the Frankston Ice Breakers for 51 years. They swam in winter to feel alive. Grand-Poppy Ralph had said it made his nipples erect He had died the year before, aged 74, and his best mate, Ken, had recited a poem in his honor - "Born in a barn in the hills of Boronia, Ralph lived a long life, then died of pneumonia." Mary missed him and often wondered why he had drunk ammonia. A lot of things puzzled Mary, especially her mother, Vera Lorraine Dinkle. To Mary, Vera always seemed wobbly. - A pretty vicious pull, that one. And he's out! Vera liked listening to the cricket while baking, and her main ingredient was always sherry. She told Mary it was a type of tea for grown-ups that needed constant testing. slam! Mary thought her mother tested the sherry... way too much. Mary also couldn't understand why Vera was always borrowing. Yesterday, she borrowed some fish fingers from aisle six. She told Mary she put things up her dress to save on plastic bags. Vera was indeed a complicated soul. - Ooh! Mary stopped daydreaming and went and fetched her pet rooster from the rain. Her father had found the rooster on the side of the freeway after it had fallen off the back of a slaughter truck. She named him Ethel. It was time to watch The Noblets. She adored The Noblets, because everyone was brown, lived in a teapot, and had oodles of friends. There was nothing nicer, Mary thought to herself, than the smell of a wet rooster, the sound of rain on the roof, and the taste of sweetened condensed milk straight from the can while watching your favorite cartoon. Ah. Meanwhile, a man called Max Horowitz also watched The Noblets. Max's small television had picture but no sound; his big television, sound but no picture. He was 44 and liked the Noblets because they lived in a delineated and articulated social structure with constant adherent conformity, and also because they had oodles of friends. Max had trouble sleeping and had spent the night watching television and catching fish food. He noted to himself it was the sixth fly he'd caught this evening. He wondered if he should go to bed and count sheep or have one more chocolate hot dog. He thought he'd try both. But it didn't work. It had been 6 hours and 12 minutes since Henry the Eighth had passed away. And Henry's death had thrown Max's life into disarray. It had become asymmetrical, and the sooner he got a new fish, the better Tomorrow he would go to the pet store Henry the Ninth. - Next. It was shopping day, and Mary sat patiently while her mother... borrowed some envelopes. To fill in time, she scanned the room and counted how many things were brown. There was sticky tape, rubber bands, and a phone book with a picture of a lady standing in a brown lake with her hand on fire. "People had weird names in America," Mary Daisy Dinkle thought to herself, funny-sounding people called Rockefeller and Finkelstein. She wondered what they looked like, how old they were, and if they were married, wore glasses, or had found babies in their beer Maybe in America, people found babies elsewhere. - Hmm. They drank a lot of cola. Maybe they found them in cans. But no, they wouldn't fit through the hole. ding! Mary had an idea. She would write to one of the Americans and ask where babies came from. She chose a Mr. M. Horowitz. - Mrs. Dinkle! Come back here! Vera Dinkle! You come back here! - "Dear Mr. M. Horowitz, "my name is Mary Daisy Dinkle, "and I am eight years old, three months, and nine days. "My favorite color is brown, "and my favorite food is sweetened condensed milk, "followed closely by chocolate. "I have a rooster called Ethel that looks like this. He doesn't lay eggs but will one day." pop! "My mother likes smoking, cricket, and sherry, "and my father likes playing in his shed with dead birds. "Where do babies come from in America? "Do they come from cola cans? "In Australia, they are found in beer glasses. "Here is a drawing of me. "I can't draw ears proper but am good at teeth. "It would be great if you could write back "and be my friend. "Yours sin-cereal-y, "Mary Daisy Dinkle. "P.S., I hope you like "the chocolate bar I'm also sending. It's called a Cherry Ripe." - Mm-mm-mm. Good-bye, letter! Don't forget to write. Max hated Thursdays, the day of his weekly Overeaters Anonymous meeting, and tonight he'd felt especially unsettled, because he'd eaten two chocolate hot dogs on his way there. - Okay, class. Eating chocolate was breaking the rules. He'd found the night even more unbearable because of Marjorie Butterworth's strange glances. - Class dismissed. Max had trouble understanding nonverbal signals. Flirting was as foreign to him as jogging. Max found most people very confusing, but little did Max realize his night was about to become even more confusing and cryptic. - Hmm. He read Mary's letter four times... and then did what he normally did whenever confronted with something new and stressful. Max's fragile existence had once again become unsettled. And after staring out of the window for 18 hours, he finally he made a decision. ding! ding! ding! ding! Ah! "Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle, "thank you for the letter, "which I opened and read at 9:17 p.m., "after my Overeaters Anonymous class. "I am trying to lose weight, "because my psychiatrist, Dr. Bernard Hazelhof, says a healthy body equals a healthy mind." Ooh. "He says my mind is not that healthy. "Your drawing is an interesting visual portrayal of yourself. "I have never met anyone from Australia. "Firstly, I will answer your question. "Unfortunately, in America, "babies are not found in cola cans. "I asked my mother when I was four, "and she said they came from eggs laid by rabbis. "If you aren't Jewish, "they're laid by Catholic nuns. "If you're an atheist, "they're laid by dirty, lonely prostitutes. "So this is where babies come from in America. "I share my home with a fish, "some snails, whom I have named after famous scientists... "a parakeet called Mr. Biscuit, "and finally, a cat called Hal. "Hal is an abbreviation for halitosis, "from which he suffers. "He followed me home after a gang of children shot his eye out with a BB gun." - "Do you have a pet kangaroo? "When I was born, "my father left my mother and me on a kibbutz. "She shot herself with my uncle's gun when I was six. "Do you like chocolate hot dogs? "I invented the recipe for them and can send it to you. "When I was young, "I invented an invisible friend called Mr. Ravioli. "My psychiatrist says I don't need him anymore, "so he just sits in the corner and reads. "Last week, I picked up 128 cigarette butts. "People are always littering in New York. "I do not understand why people break laws. "Butts are bad because they wash out to sea, "and fish smoke them and become nicotine-dependent. "I am just joking, because, of course, "it is impossible for a cigarette "to remain lit underwater. "Also, fish do not have pockets to keep cigarette lighters in. "I am 44 years old and have eight tracksuits "the same color and size. I weigh 352 pounds..." Ooh! "and am as tall as a six-foot tree." - Welcome to the New York Lottery. - "I enjoy entering the lottery "and have chosen the same numbers for nine years. Those numbers are 3..." - 1... - "5..." - 4... - "6..." - 25... - "9..." - 2... - "11..." - 7. - "And 12." - 8. - Are you a winner or a loser? - "I have had many different jobs during my life. "My first job was collecting subway tokens in the subway. "My second job was "at Yiddel's Gourmet Kosher Supplies, "where I worked at the machine "that made prepackaged noodle kugels. "I was born Jewish and used to believe in God "but have since read many books "that have proven God is just a figment of my imagination. "People like to believe in God "because it answers complicated questions "like, 'Where did the universe come from? ' "'Do worms go to heaven? ' "'And why do old ladies have blue hair? ' "Even though I'm an atheist, I still wear my yarmulke, "as it keeps my brain warm. "My third job was for a company "that printed logos on novelty items. "I worked at the Frisbee printing machine. "A Frisbee is a circular plastic disk "that people throw at each other. "It is like a boomerang, but it does not come back. "My fourth job was when I was called up for jury duty. "I didn't get paid much "but got free cookies and coffee. "Jurors are outstanding members of the community "who haven't murdered anybody. "I made it to the short list for a trial "where a man killed all his friends "at his own surprise birthday party. "Unfortunately, I didn't get selected "because they found out I'd been a mental patient at one point. "Have you ever been hang gliding? "My fifth job was as a garbage collector. "I got to clean up after litterbugs "and didn't have to talk to anybody. Sometimes I used to pretend I was an intergalactical robot." - This is 9-1-1. Your call has been placed in a queue. - "One time, the police took me in for questioning "but let me go when they decided "I wasn't a threat to anybody except myself. "The sixth job I had was for the United States Army "in the stationery supply department. "Because I am good with numbers, "I had to work out how many ballpoint pens the Army needed. "One day they did a security check "and asked whether I was a member of any radical groups. "I told them I was a member "of the New York Science Fiction Fan Club. "They said this didn't count but dismissed me anyway. "Fortunately, I did not remember to tell them "I was once a Communist. "Have you ever been a Communist? "Have you ever been attacked by a crow "or similar large bird? "When I was nine, "a crow attacked me on my way to school. "I had to have three stitches, "and in spring, I now wear a helmet "with eyes I have painted on. "People laugh at me when I wear my helmet, "but I'm not sure why. "People often confuse me, "but I try not to let them worry me. "New York is a very busy and noisy place. "I would prefer to live somewhere much quieter, "like the moon. "I don't like crowds, "bright lights, sudden noises, or strong smells. "New York has all these, especially the smells. "I often wear nose and earplugs when I go outside. "It helps keep me calm. "I find humans interesting, "but I have trouble understanding them. "I think, however, I will understand and trust you. "You appear very happy, "and I think you would smell like a shrimp, "as I know Australia has a lot of shrimps. "Can you speed-read? "I have taught myself to read two pages at once: "one eyeball per page. "I have to go now, "even though I have not told you "about my seventh job in a condom factory. "Write back soon. "Your American friend, "Max Jerry Horowitz. "P.S., please find enclosed "a photo from one of those booths. "P.P.S., thank you for the Cherry Ripe, "and I am glad you like chocolate as much as I do. "I have never eaten sweetened condensed milk, "but I will try some this week. P.P.P.S., I have never used a condom." Max hoped Mary would write again. He'd always wanted a friend, a friend that wasn't invisible, a pet, or rubber figurine. He counted the stars and wondered how many days, hours, minutes it would take his letter to reach Australia. Vera was not impressed... Not impressed at all. There was no way this nutcase was going to be her daughter's pen-friend, she thought to herself There was enough ugliness in the world. Mary would be home from school in an hour, enough time for another cup of tea and a bit of cricket to soothe the nerves and dissolve the memory of Max's letter from her pickled mind. - And he's out found the lead for 14, England, 7... - Stop! Wait! Hey, fellas, you got room for one more bag? - Sure, Mrs. Dinkle. Hop in! - Good one, Kevin. - Oh. - Come on, Vera, we've got some other bags to pick up. - Hmm. Hmm. - Mmph! Mary, is that all your rubbish? - Yep! - See ya, toots! - Sweet baby Jesus. Even though Max's letter smelted like fish heads and orange peel, Mary drank his words like a bowl of alphabet soup and hadn't been this excited since Grand-Poppy Ralph had found a coin up her nose. She wrote back immediately on some butcher's paper she'd stolen from some chops. - "Dear Max, I am so excited you've wroted back. "I don't think my parents like you, "so from now on, "send stuff to my neighbor, Len Hislop, "at 26 Lamington Drive, Mount Waverley. "He's old with no legs. "They got cheweded off in World War II when some Japanese peoples kept him in a cage above piranhas." - "Piranhas are goldfish that have teeth. "He's scared of outside, which is a disease called homophobia." "He's started giving me 500 a week to get his mail. "I'm saving to buy a castle in Scotland "and marry a man called Earl Grey. "Do you get The Noblets in America? "Well, my favorite Noblet is Vanity Noblet. "He wants to be everyone's friend, "even the boys! "In your letter, you said you had no friends. Well, neither do I." - Mm-hmm! - Ooh! "Yesterday at school, "Bernie Clifford weed on my Spam sandwich "and called me poo-face 'cause of my birthmark. "I wish I could peel it off like a Band-Aid. "He also laughed, 'cause I had no buttons. "Ethel pecked them off, "and Mum couldn't thread a needle, "'cause she'd been testing the sherry. "So she used pegs instead. "When I got home, "I climbed into my secret place till dinnertime. "The other kids also laugh at my haircut. "Dad has to cut my hair, "because Mum says real hairdressers sell your hair "to Chinamen who stuff mattresses. "My teacher, Mrs. Pendergast, says I should smile more. "I told my mum, "and so she drawed a big smile on me. "I don't think Mrs. Pendergast likes me anymore. "I better go now. "My tears are smudg-ling my words. "Your friend in Australia, "Mary Daisy Dinkle. "P.S., have you ever been teased? "Can you help me? "P.S.S., I've never been hang gliding before "or been a Commune-ist "but would love a Frisbee "and your recipe for chocolate hot dogs. "P.S.S.S., I'm sending you some Australian chocolate, "a pompom I made, and a cake called a Lamington, which I was meant to eat for lunch." - "Have you ever been teased?" Mary's letter triggered memories Max had buried deep down in his shoes. - He's going that way. - We've got him cornered now! Hey, Jew boy, you're gonna pay. - Take this, Jew boy! - Jew boy, Jew boy, Jew boy! And as usual, he coped in the only way he knew. And 36 chocolate hot dogs later... And after only two hours' sleep, Max's meltdown faded away, and an idea popped into his brain. ding! - "Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle, "thank you for your letter, chocolate bar, "Lamington, and pompom. "The chocolate got crushed, "so I blended the bits with milk and ice cream, "and now I am drinking it right now. "After much thought, "I think I have a solution to your teasing. "Tell Bernie Clifford "your birthmark is made of chocolate, "which means when you get to heaven, "you will be in charge of all the chocolate. "This, of course, is a lie. "I do not like lies, but in this case, "I think it will be of benefit. "I wish I could be in charge of all the chocolate, "but, of course, I cannot, because of my atheism. "My neighbor Ivy is also an atheist. "She doesn't talk much "but makes me very good soup on Sunday nights. "She is partly blind, and sometimes I find her hair in my soup." Ew... "I do not tell her, "as Dr. Bernard Hazelhof says this would be impolite. "Here is a list of what I eat on the other nights: Glicks Potato Knish; Yiddel's Noodle Kugel; Captain Salty's Fishstix; Yentl's Cheezy Blintz; Chiken Nuggets. "On Saturday nights, I create my own recipes. "Last week, I invented canned spaghetti hamburgers. "Recipes are like mathematical equations. "Dr. Bernard Hazelhof told me "you should never weigh more than your refrigerator "and to never eat anything bigger than your head. "I once ate a watermelon bigger than my head "but not all at once. "Do you have any weight loss suggestions? "My Overeaters Anonymous meetings don't seem to be working and just make me tense." gulp! "It would be good if there was a fat fairy." "She would be a bit like the tooth fairy "but would suck out your fat. "Ivy says she is only a little bit blind, "but I think she is very blind. "She should get a cane "like other vision-impaired people. "She could make the end pointy "and collect rubbish at the same time. "I think I will write a letter to the mayor and suggest this. "He will be very impressed. "Ivy says she doesn't need a cane because she has a good sense of smell." - "She says she could find me with her eyes stapled shut. She says I smell like licorice and old books." "I think she smells like cough medicine and urine. "I have never told her this, "as Dr. Bernard Hazelhof said this would also be impolite. "People often think I am tactless and rude. "I cannot understand how being honest can be improper. "Maybe this is why I don't have any friends, "of course, except for you. A real friend has been one of my three goals in life." Oh! "The other two are to own every Noblet "and a lifetime supply of chocolate. "Dr. Bernard Hazelhof says it is good to have goals "but not stupid ones like mine. "I have now run out of things to tell you. "Please write soon. "Your friend in America, Max Jerry Horowitz. "P.S., do not worry about not smiling. "My mouth hardly ever smiles, "but it does not mean I am not smiling "inside my brain. "P.P.S., please find enclosed "a Frisbee, some chocolate Pop Rocks, "which you should eat with cola, "and an illustration of a turtle "from one of my National Geographies. "P.P.P.S., did you know that turtles can breathe through their anuses?" - "Dear Max, "when I told Bernie Clifford "I'll be in charge of all the chocolate in heaven and he wouldn't get any, he cried." "I also hided some dog's poo in his bit of the sand pit. "Your advice was great, "and I have got a job delivering pamphlets "so I can save to come and see you. "I am sad to hear you are fat. "Mum says I am fat too, "and I am growing up to be a heffa, "which I think is a type of cow. "Maybe you should only eat things "beginning with the letter of each day. "On Mondays, you could only eat milkshakes, marshmallows, and mustard." - Ooh. - "For my birthday, my mum baked a cake, and Dad gave me a camera." click! "I hope you like the photos I sent. "The first one is of Ethel, who ate some tinsel. "The next one is of myself "after I ate the chocolate Pop Rocks "with the cola like you said. "Next is Len. "He's still trying hard not to be afraid of outside and conquer his homophobia." clang! - "The next one is of Dad in his shed and then one of the times..." - "I covered Mum while she was asleep "in her stickers that help her stop smoking. Next, when I got my Slinky caught in my hair." - Hmm. - "Then one of the times Sonny digged up his wife Cher. "And finally, a photo of my other neighbor, "Damian Popodopolous. "He's a Greek and smells like lemon dishwashing liquid, "and his skin is smooth like the back of a spoon. "Mum says he's a wog and has a stutter "and can't even say his own surname. "She says you have to hit him on the back of the head to get his words out." - Popodopolous. - "I wish he was my boyfriend, "and we can be in love and do sexing "like Katherine Ramsay told me behind the bike shed. "She said it's when two people go nuddy "and rub on each other to make babies. "I told her she's a liar and would go to hell "and burn like toast, "'cause babies really come from beer glasses "and eggs laid by rabbits and nuns and proster-tubes. "She said ladies get knocked up "and bake babies in their stomachs for two years "till they spurt out their vag-eye-nas "with blood and tinned spaghetti. "Have you got a girlfriend, Max, or some wives? "Have you done sexing? "Valen-time's Day is soon, "and I want to give Damian a present so he can love me. Can you explain love and how I can be lovered?" Once again, Mary's letter had triggered an anxiety attack. Max knew nothing about love. It was as— it was as foreign to him as scuba diving, and he'd had an appalling history of getting it all wrong. One Valentine's Day, he'd given Zelda Glutnik a gift he was sure was appropriate. The only companion that had ever warmed Max's bed was his hot water bottle. Romance and love was a mysterious language he'd given up on. If only Mary had asked how a toaster works or asked for an explanation of the chaos theory. If only there was a mathematical equation... for love. He kept eating and thinking. But love was not like Max's Rubik's Cube. It could not be solved. And no matter from what angle he analyzed it, the results were negative. - Beat it, creep! He felt love but couldn't articulate it Its logic was as foreign to him as— as a salad sandwich. The stars made more sense. - Unit 12, have you responded to the Hubert Street call? The anxiety and stress were too much. The inscrutability of love finally won, and Max's brain gave in. - Ooh. He was diagnosed with severe depression and obesity and spent the next eight months institutionalized and bedridden. They marinated him in a cocktail of drugs and performed the usual therapeutic procedures. Meanwhile, Mary wondered and waited. Maybe Max's typewriter had run out of ink. Maybe America had run out of ink. Maybe his pets had eaten him. Maybe it was her. Was she too demanding, too boring, too ugly? Filled with anger, confusion, and self-loathing, Mary tried to erase the memory of her friend forever Max had recovered, and life was balanced, safe, and symmetrical once again. smooch! But Mary still lingered in his mind. Half of him wanted to write to her immediately. The other half didn't want to end up a mental patient again. At least there was always Mr Ravioli to be friends with. He was a much safer option. He wondered what Mary was doing right now. But she was far from content and struggled on by herself, saving her money for a rainy day. Life went on as usual for Max, and even though he opted for order and stability, misfortune was never far away. crash! Luckily, his manslaughter charges were dismissed because he was labeled mentally deficient and unlikely to have a motive for killing a mime artist.. - Oop! Unlike most people. From then on, Max cooled himself differently, and things went back to normal until after his 48th birthday, when his numbers finally came up. - Welcome to the New York Lottery, and these are tonight's winning numbers. 3, 5, 6, 9, 11, and 12. Max was sensible with his sudden wealth and had bought a lifetime supply of chocolate and the complete Noblet collection. Two of his life goals had come true, but he still had a lot of money so decided to give it to Ivy... - Oh! Who was also very sensible... crash! Until her own numbers came up. Ivy willed everything to the local cat shelter, whose owner relocated her kind donation to his bank account, his wife's new breasts, a Ferrari, and enough fuel to get to Mexico. Despite achieving all his life's goals, Max still felt incomplete. Mr Ravioli just wasn't cutting the mustard anymore and seemed more interested in his self-help books. Mary had given Max a taste of real friendship, and there was just no comparison. She missed him too but no longer saved to see him. She now saved for a different reason. One day, Mr. Ravioli got up, left, and never came back. Max sought Dr. Hazelhofs advice. He told Max that true friendship is seen through the heart, not through the eyes, and that it was time he wrote to Mary to reveal his true sell warts and all. Max understood. "Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle, "there is something I have to tell you "which will explain why I have not written. "Each time I received one of your letters, "I had a severe anxiety attack. "This is because recently, "while I was in a mental institution, "they diagnosed that I have a new thing "called Asperger's syndrome, "which is a neurobiological, "pervasive, developmental disability. "I prefer 'Aspie' for short. "I will now list some of the traits of an Aspie. "Number one: "I find the world very confusing and chaotic "because my mind is very literal and logical. I have trouble understanding "the expressions on people's faces. "When I was younger, I made a book to help me when I was confused." smack! "I still have trouble with some people. "Ivy was hard to understand because of her wrinkles "and because her eyebrows weren't real. I have bad handwriting, am hypersensitive..." Ahh! "Clumsy, "and can get very concerned. I like solving problems. Ivy said this is a good thing." - "And finally, number five: "I have trouble expressing my emotions. "Dr. Bernard Hazelhof says my brain is defective, "but one day, there will be a cure for my disability. "I do not like it when he says this. "I do not feel disabled, defective, "or a need to be cured. "I like being an Aspie. "It would be like trying to change the color of my eyes. "There is one thing I wish I could change, however. I wish I could cry properly." "I squeeze and squeeze, but nothing comes out. "I cry when I cut onions, but this does not count. "Anyway, do you like the word 'kumquat'? "It is a type of fruit. "Do you have a favorite-sounding word? "My top five are: "ointment, bumblebee, "Vladivostock, banana, and testicle. "I have also invented some new words: "confuzzled, which is being "confused and puzzled at the same time; "snirt, which is a cross between snow and dirt, "and smushables... "which are squashed groceries "you find at the bottom of the bag. "I have sent a letter to the Oxford Dictionary people "asking them to include my words "but have not heard back. "It is now time for me to go "to my Overeaters Anonymous meeting. "There is a woman there called Marjorie Buttersworth "who confuzzles me. smooch! "She kisses me without my permission, "so tonight I have decided to rub onions "under my armpits to repel her. Your friend in America, Max Jerry Horowitz." Hmm. "P.S., please find enclosed "some chocolate-covered ants I found at the deli. "P.P.S., not much has happened since I last wrote, "except for my manslaughter charges, lotto win, and Ivy's death." Mary was thrilled Max had finally written and suddenly had a fabulous idea. - Aha! ding! Mary and Max's friendship was resuscitated, and her tears were the best gift he'd ever received. Inside Max's head, his brain was smiling. Loaded up with bizarre forms of chocolate, their letters flew thick and fast between the continents. Max learned to read Mary's letters with caution, and at the slightest tingle of tension, he would stop, take his medication, and soothe his nerves. Each letter he would iron, laminate, and file in a special place, which also soothed his nerves. He enjoyed answering her questions and solving her puzzles like, "Do sheep shrink when it rains?" "Why do old men wear their pants so high?" "Do gooses get goose bumps?" "And why is belly button lint blue?" "Are there Noblets in heaven?" "And if a taxi goes backwards, does the driver owe you money?" In turn, Mary simply enjoyed hearing about Max's fascinating life: how many people he'd counted littering... crash! How the latest Henry had died... And new recipes he'd invented for chicken. Each nourished the other, and as Mary grew taller, Max grew wider, their friendship becoming stronger than the glue on Mary's Noblets. Although Max found solace in Mary, he still found the rest of the world bewildering, and he couldn't understand why he was seen as the odd one while everyone else was considered normal. Humans were endlessly illogical. Why did they throw out food when there were children starving in India? Why did they clear the rain forests when they needed the oxygen? And why did they create bus timetables when they never ran on time? He agreed with his favorite physicist that there are only two things infinite: the universe and man's stupidity. And for Mary, even though Max filled her with confidence... - Bull's-eye! Her world was far from perfect - Opa! The grip of love had her by the throat At 4:59 p.m. on the 8th of the 8th, 1988... Noel Norman Dinkle attached his last string, and after 40 years and 40 million tea bags, he retired. To celebrate, Noel announced he was retiring from taxidermy and taking up metal detecting instead. But sadly, it was not a hobby he had for long. In his will, Noel had left Mary some money, so she decided to go to university and study disorders of the mind, yearning to learn more about her friend. Mary was as popular at university as she was at school. Damian went there too, aching to be a thespian. - Hi, there, M-M-Mary. - Hi. Hello. splat! - Hey, Damian, your mum's roses look fab! - Ah, th-thanks, Mary. Urn, Mary, can I tell you something? - Sure, babe! - Urn—urn— you've got d-d-d-dog's poo on your shoe. "Dear Max, I have been such an idiot. "I've wasted all my money on something pointless "when I should have been saving to see you. "I know love upsets you, "so I won't go on about it. "All I want to say is that love is obviously not for me. "I hope you are well "and enjoy the chocolate cigarettes I've enclosed. Love, Mary." gulp! Hmm. Mm. - Oh, you should be ashamed! - Come on, Bethany, let's go. - Oh, Mom! - I told you never to talk to strangers, you naughty girl. ding! Noel's sudden death had filled Vera with remorse and guilt, and she coped in the only way she knew. - "Dear Max, "our wedding day was everything that I've ever dreamt, "making up for the terrible year I've had. "Although all the guests were Damian's family and friends, "I felt very welcome. crash! "Damian is so perfect. "He even made my wedding dress. "And for our honeymoon, "he took me to Mykonos, his favorite island in Greece. "I got to ride a donkey "and found the perfect gift for Len. "Poor Len. He's still struggling with his agoraphobia." crash! - "Damian and I are so similar. "He even has his own pen-friend who lives on a sheep farm in New Zealand." - Mary? M - M-M-Mary? Mary? Mary was bursting with self-esteem, and her confidence was almost unbearable. At university, she shone and took it upon herself to cure the world of mental illness. She did her thesis on Asperger's syndrome and used Max as her case study. Her professors were thoroughly impressed and her writing praised far and wide. Soon, publishers queued to print her unique insight, and by her 25th birthday, thousands of copies were ready to be shipped. - "Dear Max, "I am very proud to give you the very first copy of my book "about your disability and the hopes that we have to one day cure it." "Even more exciting is that I'm finally coming "to meet and celebrate with you in one week's time. "I'm also gonna give you half the royalties. "Your loving friend, Mary. P.S., please find enclosed some chocolate-coated Swiss almonds." Max didn't take the news very well... Not very well at all. - "Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle, "I cannot express myself very clearly at this moment, "and so I will list my emotions "in the order they feel most intense: "hurt, confuzzledness, betrayal, "discomfort, distress, and wheeziness. "This last one is not really an emotion, but I thought you should know about it anyway." With her suitcase packed for New York, Mary said good-bye to Damian. She hadn't been this excited since she'd found a Noblet in the gutter. But her excitement suddenly dribbled away like a chocolate in the sun. Mary slowly sank into a puddle of depression, self-loathing, and cooking sherry. The only color left in her life was her beloved Damian, only an arm's length away but as distant as the moon. She lost interest in the world, and it lost interest in her as a horrible apparition began to haunt She started to spend her nights making pompoms and eating two-minute noodles. Hmm. Each day, with strength and shame, Mary trudged to the letterbox in hope, only to swivel, shrivel, and slink back inside. thud! - "My dearest Mary, "by the time you read this, "I will be on a plane to New Zealand "to begin a new life. "You probably haven't even noticed I'd packed my bags. "I have fallen in love with— with my pen-friend, Desmond. "and I'm going to live on his sheep farm. "It's been hard to watch you "become a remnant of the person I once loved. "Your research into m-m-mental illness "has been admirable, "but your i-i-idealistic pursuit to remedy it has been misguided. "Mary, you have to realize, "you are not some sort of magic beauty cream "you can smooth on the world to rid of its wrinkles. "I love you, Mary, "but I love Desmond more. "I hope one day your heart will heal, "and we can be friends. Yours compassionately, Damian." thud! - Aargh! "Dear Mayor Ridiculani, "on Monday, I counted 27 people "illegally dropping cigarette butts. "I would like to recommend "the fine be increased to a minimum of $1 million "as a stronger deterrent, and would be happy..." - Thank you. - Thank you. - Sorry. - "Dear Mary, "please find enclosed my entire Noblet collection "as a sign that I forgive you. When I received your book..." What? On the way home, Max sat to count the stars. He felt complete. The world was back in balance. - When I was just a little girl I asked my mother, What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here's what she said to me Que sera, sera Whatever will be, will be The future's not ours to see Que sera, sera Que sera, sera Whatever will be, will be The future's not ours to see Que sera, sera What will be, will be Que sera, sera - Ah! Len had saved the day. And after 45 years, he finally conquered his agoraphobia. - Moron! - "Dear Mary, "please find enclosed "my entire Noblet collection "as a sign that I forgive you. "When I received your book, "the emotions inside my brain "felt like they were in a tumble dryer, "smashing into each other. "The hurt felt like when I accidentally "stapled my lips together. "The reason I forgive you is because you are not perfect. "You are imperfect, and so am I. "All humans are imperfect, "even the man outside my apartment who litters. "When I was young, "I wanted to be anybody but myself. "Dr. Bernard Hazelhof said if I was on a desert island, "then I would have to get used to my own company, "just me and the coconuts. "He said I would have to accept myself, "my warts and all, "and that we don't get to choose our warts. "They are a part of us, and we have to live with them. "We can, however, choose our friends, "and I am glad I have chosen you. "Dr. Bernard Hazelhof also said that everyone's lives "are like a very long sidewalk. "Some are well-paved. "Others, like mine, have cracks, "banana skins, and cigarette butts. "Your sidewalk is like mine, "but probably not as many cracks. "Hopefully one day our sidewalks will meet, "and we can share a can of condensed milk. "You are my best friend. "You are my only friend. "Your American pen pal, Max Jerry Horowitz. "P.S., I have recently found the perfect job "with a survey company. "All I have to do is eat things and tick boxes." - Max? Max? Max? Hello? Max, it's us. We're here. Max? Max had died peacefully that morning, after finishing his final can of condensed milk. - You are my best friend. You are my only friend. He smelted like licorice and old books, she thought to herself, as tears rolled from her eyes, the color of muddy puddles. (Quiet brass fanfare) (Rippling piano and strings) (Tyres screech) (Children's voices) __ (Flies buzz) (Birds sing, dogs bark) __ May Dinkle's eyes were the colour of muddy puddles. Her birthmark, the colour of poo. (Dogs whimper) (Dogs bark) lt was Saturday afternoon and she was bored. May wished she had a friend to play piggybacks with. (Dogs whimper) (Birdsong) May's mood ring, which she'd found in a cereal box, was grey which, according to the chart, meant she was either pensive, unconsciously ambitious or hungy. Her only friends were 'The Noblets' from her favourite cartoon. They weren't the real ones you bought in the shops but fake ones she had to make herself from shells, gumnuts, pompoms and the chicken bones salvaged from Friday night's takeaway. She had to make all her own toys, and her favourites were Shrinkies - potato chip packets that she had shrunk in the oven. (Machine squeaks and squelches) May's father, Noel Norman Dinkle, worked in a factoy, attaching the strings to tea bags. (Conveyor squeaks) At show and tell, she told the class he could get as many free tea bags as he wanted. Her favourite tea bag was Earl Grey. She loved saying 'Earl Grey' and would like one day to mary someone called Earl Grey. (Bagpipes play 'Scotland the Brave') They would live in a castle in Scotland, have 9 babies, 2 ducks... (Ducks quack) ..and a dog called Kevin. (Dog whimpers) Noel's hobby was to sit in his shed and drink Baileys Irish Cream and stuff birds he'd found on the side of the freeway. May wished he'd spend more time with her and less with his dead friends. She also wished she had some brothers and sisters. Her mother had told her she was 'an accident'. How could someone be an accident? Grandpoppy Ralph had told her that babies were deliberate and found by dads at the bottom of their beer. Grandpoppy Ralph had smelt like pickled onions and had been a member of the Frankston Ice Breakers for 51 years. Aaagh! Aaaaaghhh! (Water splashes) They swam in winter to feel alive. Grandpoppy Ralph had said it made his nipples erect. He had died the year before, aged 74, and his best mate, Ken, had recited a poem in his honour. (Ken3: Born in a barn in the hills of Boronia, Ralph lived a long life, then died of pneumonia. May missed him and often wondered why he had drunk ammonia. A lot of things puuled May especially her mother, Vera Lorraine Dinkle. To May, Vera always seemed wobbly. (Radio3: A pretty vicious ball. And he's out! Vera liked listening to the cricket while baking and her main ingredient was always shery. (Radio3: 3rM. And Thompson 2r15... She told May it was a type of tea for grown-ups that needed constant testing. (Radio3: Just out of the reach of the lead. 6r96 England. (Door slams) (Dishwasher starts) May thought her mother tested the shery...(she farts)...way too much. (Snores) May also couldn't understand why Vera was always 'borrowing'. Yesterday, she borrowed some fish fingers from Aisle 6. She told May she put things up her dress to save on plastic bags. Vera was indeed a complicated soul. (Thunder, rain pattering) (Knock at door) (May): Oooh! May stopped daydreaming and went and fetched her pet rooster from the rain. (Door squeaks) Her father had found the rooster on the side of the freeway after it had fallen off the back of a slaughter truck. She named him Ethel. (TV plays 'The Noblets' theme music ) lt was time to watch 'The Noblets'. She adored 'The Noblets' because eveyone was brown, lived in a teapot and had oodles of friends. There was nothing nicer, May thought to herself, than the smell of a wet rooster... (She sni_) ..the sound of rain on the roof and the taste of sweetened condensed milk straight from the can while watching your favourite cartoon. (She swallows) (Jazzy Russian folk music) (Gunshots) __ (Distant traffic noise) __ (TV plays 'The Noblets' theme music) Meanwhile, a man called Max Horowi_ also watched 'The Noblets'. Max's small television had picture but no sound. His big television, sound but no picture. He was 44 and liked 'The Noblets' as they lived in a delineated and articulated social structure with constant adherent conformity and also because they had oodles of friends. Max had trouble sleeping and had spent the night watching television and catching fish food. He noted to himself it was the sixth fly he'd caught this evening. (Clock chimes) He wondered if he should go to bed and count sheep or have one more chocolate hotdog. He thought he'd ty both but it didn't work. It had been 6 hours and 12 minutes since Heny Vlll had passed away. And Heny's death had thrown Max's life into disarray. (Mournful Russian folk music) (Mournful Russian folk music) It had become asymmetrical and the sooner he got a new fish, the better. (Toilet flushes) Tomorrow he would go to the pet store and get another Heny - Heny IX. (Wind vane squeaks) (Quiet, uplifting piano and orchestra) (Footsteps and traffic noise) (Man3: Next. It was shopping day and May sat patiently while her mother (erm...) 'borrowed' some envelopes. To fill in time, she scanned the room and counted how many things were brown. There was sticky tape, rubber bands and a phone book with a picture of a lady standing in a brown lake with her hand on fire. People had weird names in America, May Daisy Dinkle thought to herself. Funny-sounding people called Rockefeller and Finkelstein. She wondered what they looked like, how old they were and if they were married, wore glasses, or had found babies in their beer. (Baby gurgles) Maybe in the USA they found babies elsewhere. (May): Hmm... They drank a lot of cola. Maybe they found them in cans. (Baby gurgles) But, no, they wouldn't fit through the hole. (Disappointed gurgle) (Lightbulb tings) May had an idea. She would write to one of the Americans and ask where babies came from. She chose a Mr M Horowi_. (She inhales, then coughs) (Tense, dramatic orchestra) (Postmaster3: Aarrgh, Mrs Dinkle! Come back here, Vera Dinkle! You come back here! Aaarghhhh! (May): Dear Mr M Horowi_, my name is May Daisy Dinkle and I am $ years old, 3 months and 9 days. My favourite colour is brown and my favourite food is sweetened condensed milk followed closely by chocolate. I have a rooster called Ethel that looks like this. He doesn't lay eggs but will one day. (Pop! ) My mother likes smoking, cricket and shery and my father likes playing in his shed with dead birds. Where do babies come from in America? Do they come from cola cans? In Australia they are found in beer glasses. Here is a drawing of me. I can't draw ears proper but I'm good at teeth. It would be great if you could write back and be my friend. Yours 'sincerealy', May Daisy Dinkle. PS. I hope you like the chocolate bar I'm also sending. It's called a Chery Ripe. (Dogs bark and rooster crows) (She strains) Goodbye, letter. Don't forget to write. (Jazzy Russian folk music) (Max wheezes) (Lift bell dings) (Narrator): Max hated Thursdays - the day of his weekly Overeaters Anonymous meeting. And tonight he'd felt especially unsettled because he'd eaten two chocolate hotdogs on his way there. (Teacher): OK, class... Eating chocolate was breaking the rules. He'd found the night even more unbearable because of Mariorie Butterworth's strange glances. (Teacher3: Class dismissed. Max had trouble understanding non-verbal signals. Flirting was as foreign to him as jogging. (Lift bell dings repeatedly) Max found most people vey confusing. But little did Max realise his night was about to become even more confusing and cyptic. (Max3: Hmm. He read May's letter four times and then did what he normally did whenever confronted with something new and stressful. (Mutters anxiously) (Jazzy Russian folk music) Max's fragile existence had once again become unsettled. And after staring out of the window for 1$ hours he finally made a decision. (Takes a deep breath) ('Typewriter music' plays quickly in time with Max's typing) (Max): Dear May Daisy Dinkle, thank you for the letter, which I opened and read at 9.1 7pm after my Overeaters Anonymous class. I am tying to lose weight because my psychiatrist, Dr Bernard Hazelhof, says a healthy body equals a healthy mind. Ooooh! He says my mind is not that healthy. Your drawing is an interesting visual portrayal of yourself. I have never met anyone from Australia. Firstly, I will answer your question. Unfortunately, in America, babies are not found in cola cans. I asked my mother when I was four and she said they came from eggs laid by rabbis. If you aren't Jewish, they're laid by Catholic nuns. If you're an atheist, they're laid by dim, lonely prostitutes. So this is where babies come from in America. I share my home with a fish, some snails, whom I have named after famous scientists... (Bird squawks) ..a parakeet called Mr Biscuit and, finally, a cat called Hal. 'Hal' is an abbreviation for halitosis, from which he su_ers. He followed me home after a gang of children shot his eye out with a beebee gun. (Miaows meekly) Do you have a pet kangaroo? When I was born, my father left my mother and me on a kibbutz. She shot herself with my uncle's gun when I was six. (Gunshot) Do you like chocolate hotdogs? I invented the recipe for them and can send it to you. When I was young, I invented an invisible friend called Mr Ravioli. My psychiatrist says I don't need him anymore so he lust sits in the corner and reads. (traffic noise) Last week I picked up 12$ cigarette butts. People are always littering in New York. I do not understand why people break laws. Butts are bad because they wash out to sea and fish smoke them and become nicotine dependent. I am lust ioking because, of course, it is impossible for a cigarette to remain lit underwater. Also, fish do not have pockets to keep cigarette lighters in. (Max farts) I am 44 years old and have $ tracksuits the same colour and size. (Scales rattle) I weigh 352 Ib... Ooooh! ..and am as tall as a 6-foot tree. (M: Welcome to the New York Lottery! I enioy entering the lottey and have chosen the same numbers for 9 years. Those numbers are 3... (rv): 1 . 5... (rv): 4. 6... (rv): 25. 9... (rv): 2. 1 1 ... (rv): 7. And 12. (rv): $. (Applause on TV, Max sighs) Are you a winner? Or a loser? I have had many di_erent iobs during my life. My first iob was collecting subway tokens in the subway. My second iob was at Yiddel's Gourmet Kosher Supplies where l worked at the machine that made pre-packaged noodle kugels. I was born Jewish and used to believe in God but I've since read many books that have proven God is just a figment of my imagination. People like to believe in God because it answers complicated questions like where did the universe come from, do worms go to heaven... do worms go to heaven... (Squish) ..and why do old ladies have blue hair? Even though I'm an atheist, I still wear my yarmulke as it keeps my brain warm. My third iob was for a company that printed logos on novelty items. I worked at the frisbee printing machine. (Machine creaks and squelches) A frisbee is a circular plastic disc that people throw at each other. It is like a boomerang but it does not come back. My fourth iob was when I was called up for juy duty. I didn't get paid much but got free cookies and co_ee. Jurors are outstanding members of the community who haven't murdered anybody. I made it to the short list for a trial where a man killed all his friends at his own surprise birthday party. Unfortunately, I didn't get selected because they found out I'd been a mental patient at one point. (Pop! ) Have you ever been hang gliding? My fifth iob was as a garbage collector. I got to clean up after litterbugs and didn't have to talk to anybody. Sometimes I used to pretend I was an intergalactical robot. (Makes robotic sounds) (Operator3: This is 911. Your call has been placed in a queue. One time the police took me in for questioning but let me go when they decided I wasn't a threat to anybody except myself. (Loud militay brass band) The sixth iob I had was forthe United States Army in the stationey supply department. (Sighs) Because I am good with numbers I had to work out how many ballpoint pens the Army needed. One day they did a security check and asked whether I was a member of any radical groups. I told them I was a member of the New York Science Fiction Fan Club. They said this didn't count but dismissed me anyway. Fortunately, I did not remember to tell them I was once a communist. Have you ever been a communist? Have you ever been attacked by a crow or similar large bird? When I was 9, a crow attacked me on my way to school. (Max gasps, crow caws) I had to have three stitches and in spring I now wear a helmet with eyes I have painted on. People laugh at me when I wear my helmet. (Man laughs) I'm not sure why. People often confuse me but I ty not to let them wory me. (traffic noise) New York is a vey busy and noisy place. I would prefer to live somewhere much quieter like the moon. I don't like crowds, bright lights, sudden noises or strong smells. New York has all these especially the smells. (Max inhales) I often wear nose and ear plugs when I go outside. It helps keep me calm. I find humans interesting but I have trouble understanding them. I think, however, I will understand and trust you. You appear vey happy and I think you would smell like a shrimp as I know Australia has a lot of shrimps. Can you speed-read? I have taught myself to read two pages at once - one eyeball per page. I have to go now even though I have not told you about my 7th job, in a condom factoy. Write back soon. Your American friend, Max Jery Horowi_. PS. Please find enclosed a photo from one of those booths. PPS. Thank you for the Chery Ripe and I am glad you like chocolate as much as I do. I have never eaten sweetened condensed milk but I will ty some this week. PPPS. I have never used a condom. Gey gezunterheyt. (Narrator): Max hoped May would write again. He'd always wanted a friend. A friend that wasn't invisible, a pet or rubber figurine. He counted the stars and wondered how many days, hours, minutes it would take his letter to reach Australia. (Frantic orchestral music) Vera was not impressed... Aaaarrgh! ..not impressed at all. This nutcase would not be her daughter's penfriend, she thought. There was enough ugliness in the world. May would be home from school in an hour - enough time for another cup of tea and a bit of cricket to soothe the nerves and dissolve the memoy of Max's letter from her pickled mind. (Radio3: Yeah, he's out. Unbelievable. 14. England 7r150. (Truck whines and rumbles) (Dark, menacing music) (Vera shouts3: Stop! Wait! Hey, fellas, you got room for one more bag? Sure, Mrs Dinkle. Hop in! (Laughs3 (Garbage man 23: Good one, Kevin! Aaaarghhh! (Thud! Men laugh) (Garbage man3: Come on, Vera. We've got some other bags to pick up! (Rippling piano and strings) Ooh. Hmm. May, is that all the rubbish? Yep! (Garbage man3: See ya, Toots! (Vera3: Sweet baby Jesus. (Thud! ) Ooooah! (Rippling piano and strings) Even though Max's letter smelt like fish heads and orange peel, May drank his words like a bowl of alphabet soup and hadn't been this excited since Grandpoppy Ralph had found a coin up her nose. She wrote back immediately on some butchers' paper she'd stolen from some chops. (May): Dear Max, I'm so excited you've wroted back. I don't think my parents like you so from now on send stuff to my neighbour Len Hislop at 26 Lamington Drive, Mt Waverley. He's old with no legs. They got chew'd'ed o_ in World War Il when some Japanese peoples kept him in a cage above piranhas. (Screams) Piranhas are goldfish that have teeth. He's scared of outside, which is a disease called homophobia. (Magpie warbles, Len gasps) He's started giving me 50 cents a week to get his mail. (Bagpipes play 'Scotland the Brave') I'm saving to buy a castle in Scotland and mary a man called Earl Grey. Do you get 'The Noblets' in America? Well, my favourite Noblet is Vanity Noblet. He wants to be eveyone's friend, even the boys'! In your letter, you said you had no friends. (Munching). Well, neither do I. A-ha! Yesterday at school, Bernie ClifFord weed on my spam sandwich and called me 'poo face' 'cos of my birthmark. I wish I could peel it off like a bandaid. He also laughed 'cos I had no buttons. Ethel pecked them off and Mum couldn't thread a needle 'cos she'd been testing the shery so she used pegs instead. (Lonely cello solo) When I got home, I climbed into my secret place till dinnertime. The other kids also laugh at my haircut. Dad has to cut my hair because mum says real hairdressers sell your hair to Chinamen who stu_ mattresses. (Shears chomp) My teacher, Mrs Pendergast, says I should smile more. I told my mum and so she drawed a big smile on me. I don't think Mrs Pendergast likes me anymore. (May groans, children laugh) (Lonely cello and piano) I better go now. My tears are smudgling my words. Your friend in Australia, May Daisy Dinkle. (Sni_). PS. Have you ever been teased? Can you help me? PSS. I've never been hang gliding before or been a 'commune-ist' but would love a frisbee and your recipe for chocolate hotdogs. PSSS. I'm sending you some Australian chocolate, a pompom I made and a cake called a lamington, which I was meant to eat for lunch. (Lonely cello and piano) (Fly buzzes) (Sad clarinet and orchestra) (Max3: Have you ever been teased? Ooooooooooaaaahhhh! (Narrator): May's letter triggered memories Max had buried deep down in his shoes. (Bullies3: We've got him cornered now. Hey, Jew-boy, you're gonna pay... (Punching and groaning3 Take this, Jew-boy, Jew-boy, Jew-boy. (Max moans) And as usual, he coped in the only way he knew. (Max moans gently) And 36 chocolate hotdogs later... (Max burps) ..and after only two hours sleep, Max's meltdown faded away and an idea popped into his brain. (Ting! ) (Max): Dear May Daisy Dinkle, thank you for your letter, chocolate bar, Iamington and pompom. The chocolate got crushed, so I blended the bits with milk and icecream and now I am drinking it right now. (Slurps) After much thought, I think I have a solution to your teasing. Tell Bernie Cli_ord your birthmark is made of chocolate, which means when you get to heaven you will be in charge of all the chocolate. This of course is a lie - l do not like lies - but in this case I think it will be of benefit. I wish I could be in charge of all the chocolate but, of course, I cannot because of my atheism. (Pop! ). My neighbour I_ is also an atheist. (Water bubbles). She doesn't talk much but makes me vey good soup on Sunday nights. She is partly blind and sometimes I find her hair in my soup. Eeugh! I do not tell her as Dr Bernard Hazelhof says this would be (farts) impolite. Here is a list of what I eat on the other nights. Mondays - Glicks Potato Knish, Tuesdays - Yiddels Noodle Kugel, Wednesdays - Captain Salty's Fishstix, Thursdays - Yentls Cheezy Blintz and Fridays - chicken nuggets. On Saturday nights I create my own recipes. Last week I invented canned spaghetti hamburgers. Recipes are like mathematical equations. Dr Bernard Hazelhof told me you should never weigh more than your refrigerator and to never eat anything bigger than your head. I once ate a watermelon bigger than my head but not all at once. Do you have any weight loss suggestions? My Overeaters Anonymous meetings don't seem to be working and lust make me tense. (Groans anxiously) (Slurps loudly) lt would be good if there was a 'Fat Faiy'. (Snores) She would be a bit like the Tooth Faiy but would suck out your fat. (Water bubbling) Ivy says she is only a 'little bit' blind but I think she is vey blind. She should get a cane like other vision-impaired people. She could make the end pointy (Ching! ) and collect rubbish at the same time. I think I will write a letter to the Mayor and suggest this. He will be vey impressed. I_ says she doesn't need a cane because she has a good sense of smell. (l_ snifFs) She says she could find me with her eyes stapled shut. She says I smell like liquorice and old books. (Crash! ) I think she smells like cough medicine and urine. I have never told her this as Dr Bernard Hazelhof said this would also be impolite. (Lift bell dings, lift doors clank shut) People often think I am tactless and rude. (Farts) I cannot understand how being honest can be...improper. Maybe this is why I don't have any friends of course except for you. A real friend has been one of my three goals in life. (Bubbles pop, satisfied groan) The other two are to own evey Noblet and a lifetime supply of chocolate. Dr Bernard Hazelhof says it is good to have goals but not stupid ones like mine. I have now run out of things to tell you. Please, write soon. Your friend in America, Max Jery Horowi_. PS. Do not wory about not smiling. My mouth hardly ever smiles but it does not mean I am not smiling inside my brain. (Jazzy Russian folk music) PPS. Please find enclosed a frisbee, some Chocolate Pop Rocks, which you should eat with cola, and an illustration of a turtle from one of my National Geographics. PPPS. Did you know that turtles can breathe through their anuses? (Quirky strings) Dear Max, when I told Bernie ClifFord I'll be in charge of all the chocolate in heaven and he wouldn't get any, he cried. (Wails) I also hide'd some dog's poo in his bit of the sandpit. Your advice was great and I've got a job delivering pamphlets so I can save to come and see you. I am sad to hearyou are fat. Mum says I am fat too and I'm growing up to be a heifer, which I think is a type of cow. Maybe you should only eat things beginning with the letter of each day. On Mondays you could only eat milkshakes, marshmallows and...mustard. Oooh! (High rippling piano, pizzicato strings) For my birthday, my Mum baked a cake and Dad gave me a camera. (Camera clicks) I hope you like the photos I sent. The first one is of Ethel, who ate some tinsel. The next one is one of myself after I ate the Chocolate Pop Rocks with the cola, like you said. Next is Len. He's still tying hard not to be afraid of outside and conquer his homophobia. (Len screams, dog barks, pole clangs) The next one is of dad in his shed, and then one of the times I covered mum while she was asleep in her stickers that help her stop smoking. Next, when I got my slinky caught in my hair. Then one of the times Sonny digged up his wife, Cher. And, finally, a photo of my other neighbour Damian Popodopolous. He's a Greek and smells like lemon dishwashing liquid and his skin is smooth, like the back of a spoon. Mum says he's a wog and has a stutter and can't even say his own surname. (He stutters) She says you have to hit him on the back of the head to get his words out. P-P-P-P... Popodopolous. I wish he was my boyfriend and we can be in love and do sexing like Katherine Ramsay told me behind the bike shed. She said it's when two people go 'nuddy' and rub on each other to make babies. (Squeaking). I told her she's a liar and would go to hell and burn like toast 'cos babies really come from beer glasses and eggs laid by rabbits and nuns and 'prosti-tubes'. She said ladies get knocked up and bake babies in their stomachs for 2 years till they spurt out their 'vag-eye-ners' with blood and tinned spaghetti. Have you got a girlfriend, Max, or some wives? Have you done sexing? Valentine's Day is soon and I want to give Damian a present so he can love me. Can you explain love and how I can be 'lover'd'? (Max screams) (Narrator): Once again, May's letter had triggered an anxiety attack. (Heartbeat) Max knew nothing about love. It was as foreign to him as scuba diving and he'd had an appalling histoy of getting it all wrong. One Valentine's Day he'd given Zelda Glutnik a gift he was sure was appropriate. (Zelda screams) The only companion (Swallows) that had ever warmed Max's bed was his hot water bottle. Romance and love was a mysterious language he'd given up on. If only May had asked how a toaster works or asked for an explanation of the Chaos theoy. If only there was a mathematical equation for love. He kept eating and thinking. (Jazzy Russian folk music) (Kissing) But love was not like Max's Rubik's Cube. It could not be solved. No matter how he analysed it, the results were negative. 8eat it, creep! He felt love but couldn't articulate it. Its logic was as foreign to him as... as a salad sandwich. The stars made more sense. (Sirens wail) (Radio3: 12, have you responded to the call? Over. The anxiety and stress were too much. The inscrutability of love finally won, and Max's brain gave in. He was diagnosed with severe depression and obesity and spent the next $ months institutionalised and bedridden. They marinated him in a cocktail of drugs and pe_ormed the usual 'therapeutic' procedures. (Electricity buues, Max gurgles) Meanwhile, May wondered and waited. (Lonely cello and piano) Maybe Max's typewriter had run out of ink. Maybe America had run out of ink. Maybe his pets had eaten him. Maybe it was her. Was she too demanding, too boring, too...ugly? (Lonely cello and piano) Filled with anger, confusion and self-loathing, May tried to erase the memoy of her friend forever. (Jazzy Russian folk music) (Toilet flushes) (Knock at door) (Knocking gets louder) (Groaning) (Cat miaows meekly) Max had recovered. And life was balanced, safe and symmetrical once again. But May still lingered in his mind. (Sighs). Half of him wanted to write to her immediately. The other half didn't want to end up a mental patient again. At least there was always Mr Ravioli to be friends with. He was a much safer option. He wondered what May was doing right now. But she was far from content and struggled on by herself, saving her money for a rainy day. (Soprano, twinkling piano) Life went on as usual for Max and even though he opted for order and stability, misfortune was never far away. (Spluttering and cracking) (Loud rushing noise) (Silence) (Loud rushing noise) (Silence) (Loud rushing noise) (Silence) (Loud crash) Luckily, his manslaughter charges were dismissed (Gavel taps) because he was labelled mentally deficient and unlikely to have a motive for killing a mime artist... Oop. ..unlike most people. From then on, Max cooled himself differently and things went back to normal until after his 4$th birthday, when his numbers finally came up. (N announcer3: Welcome to the New York Lottery and these are tonight's winning numbers - 3, 5, 6, 9, 11 and 12! (Joyous choral and orchestral music) (Light pings off, door slams closed) Max was sensible with his sudden wealth and had bought a lifetime supply of chocolate and the complete Noblet collection. (N plays 'The Noblets' theme music3 Two of his life goals had come true. But he still had a lot of money so decided to give it to I_... (Cash register chings) ..who was also vey sensible... (Comical '60s-style' music) (Bones crack, she groans) (Drill whines, hammering) (Satisfied farting sounds) (Engines backfire and splutter) ..until her own numbers came up. I_ willed eveything to the local cat shelter, whose owner relocated her kind donation to his bank account, his wife's new breasts, a Ferrari and enough fuel to get to Mexico. (Engine revs) (Musical horn) Despite achieving all his life's goals, Max still felt incomplete. (Sighs). Mr Ravioli lust wasn't cutting the mustard anymore and seemed more interested in his self-help books. May had given Max a taste of real friendship and there was lust no comparison. She missed him too but no longer saved to see him. (Aah! ). (Coin clinks) She now saved for a di_erent reason. (Quiet, iazzy Russian folk music) One day Mr Ravioli got up, left and never came back. (Whistling, thud! ) (Hisses) Max sought Dr HazelhoFs advice. (Speaks incoherently) He told Max that true friendship is seen through the heart, not through the eyes, and that it was time he wrote to May to reveal his true self, warts and all. Max understood. (Sighs) (City sounds of roadworks and pigeons) (Max): Dear May Daisy Dinkle, there is something I have to tell you which will explain why I have not written. Each time I received one of your letters, I had a severe anxiety attack. This is because recently, while I was in a mental institution, they diagnosed that I have a new thing called Asperger's syndrome, which is a neurobiological, pervasive, developmental disability. I prefer 'Aspie' for short. I will now list some of the traits of an Aspie. (Camera clicks) No.1 - l find the world vey confusing and chaotic because my mind is vey literal and logical. (Train rattles) 2 - l have trouble understanding the expressions on people's faces. When I was younger, I made a book to help me when I was confused. (Slap! ) I still have trouble with some people. I_ was hard to understand because of her wrinkles and because her eyebrows weren't real. 3 - l have bad handwriting, am hypersensitive... (Phone rings, Max gasps) ..clumsy and can get vey concerned. (Anxious murmuring) 4 - l like solving problems. I_ said this is a good thing. (Camera clicks) And finally No.5 - l have trouble expressing my emotions. Dr Bernard Hazelhof says my brain is defective but one day there will be a cure for my disability. I do not like it when he says this. I do not feel disabled, defective or I need to be cured. I like being an Aspie. It would be like tying to change the colour of my eyes. There is one thing I wish I could change, however. (Toilet flushes) I wish I could cy properly. (He groans softly) I cy when I cut onions but this does not count. Anyway, do you like the word 'cumquat'? It is a type of fruit. Do you have a favourite-sounding word? My top 5 are ointment, bumblebee, Vladivostok, banana and testicle. I have also invented some new words - 'confuuled', which is being confused and puzzled at the same time, 'snirt', which is a cross between snow and dirt, and 'smushables'... (Grumbles) ..which are squashed groceries you find at the bottom of the bag. I have sent a letter to the Oxford Dictionay people asking them to include my words but I have not heard back. It is now time for me to go to my Overeaters Anonymous meeting. There is a woman there called Marjorie Buttersworth who confuules me. She kisses me without my permission so tonight I have decided to rub onions under my armpits to repel her. Your friend in America, Max Jery Horowi_. PS. Please find enclosed some chocolate-covered ants I found at the deli. PPS. Not much has happened since I last wrote except for my manslaughter charges, lotto win and I_'s death. (Narrator): May was thrilled Max had finally written and suddenly had a fabulous idea. A-ha! (Ting! 3 (Rippling piano and strings) (Lawnmower drones, cat miaows) (May cries) May and Max's friendship was resuscitated and her tears were the best gift he'd ever received. Inside Max's head his brain was smiling. Loaded up with bizarre forms of chocolate, their letters flew thick and fast between the continents. Max learnt to read May's letters with caution and at the slightest tingle of tension, he would stop, take his medication and soothe his nerves. Each letter he would iron, laminate and file in a special place, which also soothed his nerves. He enioyed answering her questions and solving her puzzles like - Do sheep shrink when it rains? Why do old men wear their pants so high? Do gooses get goosebumps and why is bellybutton lint blue? Are there Noblets in heaven? And if a taxi goes backwards, does the driver owe you money? In turn, May simply enioyed hearing about Max's fascinating life - how many people he'd counted littering... (Whoosh! Thud! ) ..how the latest Heny had died... (Electric whisk whirrs in water) (Toaster crackles) ..and new recipes he'd invented for chicken. Each nourished the other and, as May grew taller, Max grew wider - their friendship becoming stronger than the glue on May's Noblets. Although Max found solace in May, he still found the rest of the world bewildering. And he couldn't understand why he was seen as the odd one while eveyone else was considered normal. Humans were endlessly illogical. Why did they throw out food when there were children starving in India? Why did they clear the rainforests when they needed the oxygen? And why did they create bus timetables when they never ran on time? He agreed with his favourite physicist that there are only two things infinite - the universe and man's stupidity. (Bicycle bell rings) And for May, even though Max filled her with confidence... Bullseye! ..her world was far from pe_ect. The grip of love had her by the throat. (Giggles nervously) (Sad rippling piano and brass) (Screams) (Thunder, rain pattering) At 4.59pm, on the $th of the $th 19$$... (Whistle blows) ..Noel Norman Dinkle attached his last string and, after 40 years and 40 million tea bags, he retired. To celebrate, Noel announced he was retiring from taxidermy and taking up metal detecting instead. But, sadly, it was not a hobby he had for long. (Loud rumbling) (Metal detector beeps) (Melancholy cello and piano) (May sobs quietly) In his will, Noel had left May some money so she decided to go to university and study disorders of the mind, yearning to learn more about her friend. May was as popular at university as she was at school. Damian went there too, aching to be a Thespian. Hi there, M-M-Mary. Hi...hello! (They laugh) (Damian3: That was damn f-f-funny! (She sobs) (Rippling piano and strings) Hey, Damian, your mum's roses look fab! Oh, th-th-th-thanks, May. Um, M-May, can J tell you something? Sure, babe! Um, um, you've got d-d-d-d-dog's poo on your shoe. (May sobs) (May): Dear Max, I have been such an idiot. I've wasted all my money on something pointless when I should have been saving to see you. I know love upsets you so I won't go on about it. All I want to say is that love is obviously not for me. I hope you are well and enioy the chocolate cigarettes I've enclosed. Love May. (Swallows loudly) Oh, you should be ashamed! - Come on, baby. Let's go. - Oh, Mum... I told you never to talk to sbangers. (Ting! ) (Dogs howl distantly, Vera hums a tune) (Narrator): Noel's sudden death had filled Vera with remorse and guilt and she coped in the only way she knew. (Vera hums a sad tune) (Bottle smashes) (Vera drinks) (She coughs repeatedly and retches) (Quiet, foreboding music) ('Zorba the Greek' plays softly) (May): Dear Max, our wedding day was eveything I have ever dreamt, making up for the terrible year I've had. __ Although all the guests were Damian's family and friends, I felt vey welcome. Damian is so pe_ect. He even made my wedding dress. And for our honeymoon he took me to Mykonos - his favourite island in Greece. I got to ride a donkey and found the pe_ect gift for Len. Poor Len, he's still struggling with his agoraphobia. (Horn beeps) Aaaaahhhh! (Tyres screech, car crashes) Damian and I are so similar. He even has his own penfriend, who lives on a sheep farm in New Zealand. (She giggles) (Damian): May... M-M-M-May. (Damian): May... M-M-M-May. (Bed squeaks) (May3: Ohhh. May was bursting with self-esteem and her confidence was almost unbearable. (She purrs seductively) At university, she shone and took it upon herself to cure the world of mental illness. (Rippling piano and strings) She did her thesis on Asperger's syndrome and used Max as her case study. Her professors were thoroughly impressed and her writing praised far and wide. Soon, publishers queued to print her unique insight and by her 25th birthday, thousands of copies were ready to be shipped. (May): Dear Max, I am vey proud to give you the vey first copy of my book about your disability and the hopes that we have to one day cure it. Even more exciting is that I am finally coming to meet and celebrate with you in one week's time. I'm also going to give you half the royalties. Your loving friend, May. PS. Please find enclosed some chocolate-coated Swiss almonds. (Narrator): Max didn't take the news vey well - not vey well at all. (Max): Dear May Daisy Dinkle, I cannot express myself vey clearly at this moment and so I will list my emotions in the order they feel most intense - hurt, confuuledness, betrayal, discomfort, distress and wheeziness. This last one is not really an emotion but I thought you should know about it anyway. (Max's heart beats loudly) (He roars) With her suitcase packed for New York, May said goodbye to Damian. She hadn't been this excited since she'd found a Noblet in the gutter. But her excitement suddenly dribbled away like a chocolate in the sun. (Soprano sings sadly, thunder rumbles) (Singing intensifies) (Violent shredding noises) May slowly sank into a puddle of depression, self-loathing and cooking shery. The only colour left in her life was her beloved Damian, only an arm's length away but as distant as the moon. (TV plays 'The Noblets' theme music) She lost interest in the world and it lost interest in her as a horrible apparition began to haunt. She started to spend her nights making pompoms and eating two-minute noodles. (Mournful cello solo) (Max wheezes) (Funky iazz organ) Each day, with strength and shame, May trudged to the letterbox in hope, only to swivel, shrivel and slink back inside. (Swing brass) (Rooster clucks and crows) (May gasps, crashes off couch) (Swing brass) (Damian3: My dearest May, by the fl'me you read this, J will be on a plane to New Zealand to begin a new life. You probably haven't even noticed J'd packed my bags. I have fallen in love with my penfriend, Desmond, and I'm going to live on his sheep farm. (Sheep baa) lt's been hard to watch you become a remnant of the person J once loved. Your research into m-m-mental illness has been admirable but your i-idealisfl'c pursuit to remedy it has been misguided. May, you have to realise y-you are not a magic beauty cream you can smooth on the world to rid it of its wrinkles. I Iove you, Mary, but I love Desmond more. I hope one day your heart will heal and we can be friends. Yours compassionately, Damian. (Sad piano solo) (Distant sirens) (Max): Aaaarghh! Dear Mayor Ridiculani, on Monday I counted 27 people illegally dropping cigarette butts. I would like to recommend the fine be increased to a minimum of $1 million as a stronger deterrent and would be happy... (Max groans) (Warning bell rings) Thank you. (He inhales) (Max gasps) (Ominous music) (Max yells3 Sory. (Distant city noises) Dear May, please find enclosed my entire Noblet collection as a sign that I forgive you. When I received your book, the emotions inside... (Jazzy Russian folk music) (Narrator): On the way home, Max sat to count the stars. He felt complete - the world was back in balance. (Jazzy Russian folk music) (Lonely cello solo) I am sure you're eager to start a family, too? Very much. Well, not quite yet. - Good night. - Good night, Charlie. 'Night. We're a little young, don't you think? Are we? Perhaps I should take my leave. - Good night. - Err... See you tomorrow, Harry. I am sure. I don't think we need to rush, that's all. {Beats drum} You sound different. Not at all. Were you at the club all night? Yes. He's a better liar than you. What? I was just saying everything is so soon. - I gave myself to you. I thought you loved me. - And I do! Then make me your wife, not one of your whores! I think perhaps I ought to go. Don't let him do this, Dorian. - This has nothing to do with Harry. - You said you loved me! And I do! I do! Dorian, please! Please, Dorian! Please, I love you! {Door slams} {Fly buzzes} {Chatter and laughter} Oh, Henry! Dorian! Tell me, how was last night's performance? I am sorry. Have a drink. I can introduce you to the artist later, if you like. Never marry, Mr. Gray. it's the only way to keep all one's illusions. Chin up, dear boy. You've a face like a slapped Nancy. You'll love again. And again. Do you have your cigarettes? Of course. Don't fear it, Dorian. The world is yours. For a season. Hello, Victor. Could you fetch us a bottle of the...? Anything! - What's the matter? - You've a visitor, sir. A Mr. Vane. He seems disturbed. We'll wait in the library. Victor, how about that bottle? To what do I owe the pleasure, Jim? Can I err... Can I get you something to drink? I don't want this in my house. What happened with Sibyl was very unfortunate. But this was a gift and she really should keep... itsfilthy. She was wearing it when they pulled her from the river. Why on earth was she...? She... she can't... She can't... I wanted you to know... she loved you. She was going to have your child. And you killed her. Jim! Jim! Get up! Are you all right, sir? Let me... - help you up. - Sibyl's dead. - Now, now. - Good night, ladies. {Jim sobs and shouts} Get up. Get up! We can't have maniacs threatening decent people in their own homes. Alan treats a number of such deranged cases at Broad moor. Just until he settles down. I am confident any inquest into this unfortunate business will find no connection whatsoever with Mr. Gray. - {Jim roars} - Taking you downtown. {Jim screams} {Door closes} This wasn't your fault, Dorian. - Kelso said I was death. - Well, he was wrong. Salome. Harry? You're not making sense. No! Please! He's part of me, Harry. - I turn all love into death. - Dorian. Dorian! Into death. Death! Kelso was a bitter ruin of a man and he's dead. What's past is past. Experience makes us strong, Dorian. And you need to see this episode for what it really is. An extraordinary experience. - I can't be so heartless. - It isn't heartless. its finding a perspective. Most lack the strength to rise above life's suffering. To rule one's emotions, to save them... .. that takes a man of will. Alan left this for you. Drink. Doctor's orders. I should be going. I call in the morning. Thank you, Harry. You are a man of will, Dorian. I knew it from the first. Dorian, Dorian... I am so, so sorry. Harry... Harry told me about poor Sibyl. If there's anything I can do... You're very kind. I am actually just on my way to see Harry now. - Are you coming to the Bradleys' ball? - Err... Where's my picture? The light was too strong in here. The light was perfect. Where have you put it? its quite safe. The truth is, I don't want it on public show. it's just too valuable. I could forgive the vagaries of grief if you actually seemed to be grieving. I was... stricken. But what's past is past. Every experience is of value. Drink? You shouldn't believe every word Harry says. He doesn't. Isn't this all just ghastly? Bradley gloating with pitiful pride while his love-starved wife parades her daughter like a sow ruffling for husbands. RADLEY: Delightful little filly. And poor Celia. Trussed up in a doily for some chinless miscreant to eternally enslave. I suggest we raise a little hell. Allow me to introduce myself. I know who you are, Mr. Gray. Allow me to offer my congratulations on your ravishing debut. Perhaps a small toast. To what? Intoxication. - Here she comes. - Who? - - Celia? - Celia? - Problem, Lady Bradley? My daughter, I can't find her. And nor can I find your Mr. Gray. Perhaps they're in the garden. The arrangements are marvellous. Ah. Might I hazard an alternative suggestion? âTM" Waltz {Hums waltz} Celia! - Is something the matter? - Celia! Where is my daughter, you beast? I was just attending to my costume. A little of Lord Reedley's very fine Burgundy was spilt on my shirt cuff. Oh. Oh... Mr. Gray, I... - Lord Henry gave me to understand... - A mistake. Nobody at all need know. You're too kind, Mr. Gray. - Thank you. - It must be difficult, a party like this. Seeing your daughter come of age. Makes you long for your own youth. I... Madam, forgive me but... .. you are exquisite. Oh, Mr. Gray. This is most improper. Ooh... Ah! Oh! Now, where were we? What are you grinning about, Gray? I think Hurry's just lost a wager. Well, come on, out with it. We're all gambling men here. Just a little round of double or nothing. Of course, a good gambler understands that there are limits. BOTH: There are no limits. {Operatic singing in Italian} Have a wonderful birthday, Dorian! Dorian. This crush is your finest yet. One has to do something to null the pain of age. Do tell my husband not to be so disagreeable. But I always agree with him. Congratulations, Basil. I hear you have a new exhibition. Yes, yes, in Paris. Yes, in fact, I wanted to ask a question of you, Dorian. I like to make your portrait my principal piece. Oh, yes, that picture. Absolutely wonderful. - Whatever became of it? - I haven't seen it myself in months. - He's very protective of it, aren't you? - Indeed I am. I am very sorry, Basil, but it's just too precious. I won't have it out of the house. {Moans of pleasure} I beg your pardon. Did you want me? That picture is my finest work and it'd be greatly appreciated... The greatest gift that anyone could ever have given. In fact... In fact, I wish that I could tell you just how great. But then it isn't so unreasonable to borrow it back a little while. I am not sure that I've ever... .. fully expressed my gratitude. I hardly think... {African drumbeat} I have the key to your heart. Don't touch that ever! Dorian! He's young. But he was never cruel till he met you. That's mine. {Drumbeat intensifies} - {Door opens} DORIAN: Oh, it's you. - I thought you'd gone home. - I just needed a walk. I was just about to go to bed. Everyone's left. I am here to see you, not them. Really? Wait, wait. I don't know where to begin. How ominous. - You terrified that poor boy tonight. - He seemed to recover. Is that what you tell yourself about Celia Bradley? Look, I am sorry about her misfortune. But do you really believe that I am to blame? When I look at you, I find it impossible to imagine. But I know you're treating people poorly. Even me, when I ask you the small favour that you loan me my own picture... - Is that what this is about? - No, it's about a good deal more! Dorian... What happened to the Dorian Gray I painted? You just don't understand. I will always... be that Dorian. Can I trust you, Basil? Would you like to see why you can never exhibit that picture? What's the matter? Don't you recognize me? What have you...? That thing... It isn't what... Together, we've created something beautiful. its miracle. Look at me. Look at me. Because of your painting... - it's not... - .. this will never age. Will never scar. Can you even imagine being able to do anything you please... .. and live out every whim and impulse while the world just sees you gleam? This isn't you. I know this isn't you. We can stop it! Basil, please, don't. Don't you see that this must be destroyed? Dorian, I want to help you. We'll find a priest or a spirit-worker. {Scrape of broken glass} There's good in your heart. Ian seen it. You're not this... this devil! i am god. Basil. Basil! {Basil chokes} {Basil moans gently} {Flutter of wings} {Echo of howling wind} Good evening. Need some help, sir? How kind. {Rattling thud} All right. Mind how you go, sir. On you go. {Ship's horn} {Clanking and grinding} {Woman screams} {Moans of ecstasy} {Rasping gasp} {Rasping sigh} Good day, Lady Victoria. I was about to take Harry for lunch at Scott's. Why don't you join us? Oh, Dorian. You haven't heard. They've found Basil's body in the river. Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings and desperate men, And dost with poison, ware and sicknesses dwell, And poppies or charms can make us sleep as well, And better than thy stroke. Why swell's thou then? One short sleep past, we wake eternally. And death shall be no more. Death, thou salt die. Farewell, dear Basil. DORIAN: I spoke to the police again this morning. And have the buffoons managed to make a single inch of progress? They're convinced it was some Shadwell renter. They think they'll catch him. So Basil's name will be dragged through the gutter. i am of a mind to take a trip, Harry. Maybe you should join me. - Where are you going? - Everywhere. I leave tomorrow. With all this? Someone once gave me some fine advice... .. about taking perspective. Come with me. The child is imminent. Tell me everything. I always do. DORIAN: Ian entered the tombs of dead nations, ridden with our last savage tribes. I feel the brilliance of every moment, the splendour of existence and its awful... .. keen as the edge of a blade, this desperate will to see, touch and... Dearest Harry, you taught me that life must burn with a hard flame. Its light does not blind me, nor its heat sear me. I am the flame, Harry. I am the flame. {Rasping gasp} {Gramophone crackles} HENRY: Women never have anything to say, but they say it charmingly. They're the great triumph of matter over mind. Well, here I am. Dorian. You look so... .. so... He looks magnificent. We have heard such tales. i am afraid they're all absolutely and entirely... true. Welcome back. Some champagne? Yes. A- ha! My missing guest of honour. i am coming. I was sorry for your loss. You know, I kept hearing this phrase. "Natural causes. " Nature has a great deal to answer for. She was so looking forward to the life of a divorcee. And poor old Basil... If we paid the police by results, we'd save the Treasury thousands. When your letters stopped coming, I feared the worst. But here you are. So never mind the country estate. Tell me, why are you really back? - i am tired. - You don't look it. You have no right to melancholy. Your life is exquisite. You've drunk deeply of everything and it hasn't left a fleck on you. Do you remember when I first came to London? I felt so... Those were the great days. Dorian, it's quite clear why you've lost your passion for life. You've been away from me for too long. We must go out. Take on the town, as we used to. - Ian missed you, Harry. - I must ask you, though... What is your secret? If I told you, Ian€TMd have to kill you. You still have it, I see. - From Cairo. - Where else? Smile. Emily. May I? I hope i am not interrupting your reminiscence? The one charm of the past is that it's the past. Oh. I hope you're not also a dreary old cynic? What is there to believe in? Our developments. All I see is decay. Well, religion? Fashionable substitute for belief. - Art? - A malady. - Love? - An illusion. Bravo! Well, you both cut the world to pieces, don't you? Thank you for the cigarette. Unusual woman. She ought to be. She's my daughter. {Coughing and cries of pain} Lie down. {Man screams} {Rasping gasp} Dorian? Dorian... its you. Dorian! BO Y: Oi, mister! Give us a penny! Oi, mister. Mister. Penny for the Guy? - Have you been in the war? - i am too old. Give us a couple of bob for a drink, will you? {Cry of seagulls} {Roll of thunder} {Man coughs} {Debris rattles underfoot} Get up. Get up! You... Yeah, you... Dorian Gray. - I think you're mistaken. - I knew one day you'd come back. - Wait, please... - So many years Ian waited. Wait! How many years? - No more! - How many years? Look at me. Look at my face. i am barely 20, man. Can't be. I don't know this... this Dorian Gray. I think, sir, you are not well. I... Hospital. They hurt me. You tell him... You tell him i am coming. {Rasping gasp} {Creaking and squelching} VICTOR: A visitor, sir. To what do I owe the pleasure? I thought you might like to join me for lunch. No, I don't think... I made a picnic. Yes, well, i am afraid I... Ian€TMd rather stay at home today. Serious? its going to rain. Tell me, Mr. Gray. Must you always play the cynic? Hm? Look up. - Actually, Ian€TMd rather you didn't... - {Shutter clicks} Oblige me, Mr. Gray. Have you been pursuing this delightful hobby for long? - No. its gift from my father. - In return, he made me promise that I wouldn't chain myself to more railings. For suffrage, Mr. Gray. Well, don't you think that women should be given the vote? I don't believe a woman should be given anything she can't wear at night. What a loss to the Front you are. Think of all those Germans that you could bayonet with your epigrams. I do apologize if I offend. Oh, no, you'll have to do rather better to offend me. Then I humbly vow to redouble my efforts. You know, I wonder if it's true, what they say about you. That beneath all the charm, you're in fact quite heartless? They say i am charming? They say that you devote your whole life to pleasure. Well, it's clearly to be recommended. If I look as good as you in 25 years, I shall be thoroughly happy. I can assure you, pleasure is very different from happiness. I mean, some things are more precious because they don't last. Mr. Gray... .. I believe I know your secret. You do have a heart. Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril. How terrifying. I may let you chauffeur me again, Mr. Gray. So, Ian see you at Toynbee Hall tonight? Until then. {Strident, lively tune} Alice. Ian€TMd crawl the sewers before Ian€TMd let my flesh and blood near him. - Sit down, Granddad! - What kind of ungodliness grants the face of a babe to such a man? Come along! Come along, my dear! MAN: Completely unnatural! What? - Let him play! - Quiet, please, ladies and gentlemen. {Resumes tune} {Playing becomes out of time} You know, anyone would think you're ashamed to be seen with me. What happened in the hall? I don't know what you mean. You saw something. You're mistaken. MAN: Well, I heard that he killed him. MAN: We never ever again... EMILY: Mr. Gray! It would be better if we were not seen together. Better for whom? Tongues may wag against you. I don't care what they say. You should. The truth is, Ian done dreadful things. My life... My life has been a monstrous corruption. And there will be a price. I won't let anyone hurt you. We should not meet again. MAN: I told you it was him. Step back. i am coming for you, Dorian Gray. WOMAN: You dirty bastard! Dorian Gray, you bastard! You're a disgrace! Good evening, sir. Mr. Harcourt here thinks there may be rats nesting in the attic. - I haven't the key. - Get out of my house. But, Mr. Gray... And you. {Rattles bars} With respect, sir... .. Ian been with your family for two generations. Your effects will follow. {Rasping breath} {Rats squeak} {Rasping breaths} {Guttural growl} - Argh! - {Glass shatters} {Low growl} DORIAN: I want to be free. I want to be... new, clean. I want to be good. Please. Please, you have to help me. If we repent, God is faithful and just. Confess your mortal sins. - Confess your mortal... - This is not my true face! If you could see my soul... Child, only God may see our souls. I have seen my soul! And I could show it to you. its rotten. It stinks. its poison. Help me. You will die. {Gurgling breaths} i am sorry. {Long, drawn-out gasp} {Breathing stops} Mr. Gray? Miss Wotton. Please forgive my intrusion at this late hour. You're shaking. - Look, come and sit by the fire. - I want to tell you... I want to tell you... I want to tell you everything. All right. Look at me. Sh! What is it? I need you... I need you to know... - what I am. - Sh! its all right. Listen, sh... it's all right. Sh... Harry. Morning. Sleep well? Mr. Gray was in need of a friend. Mmm. Perhaps you could ask Mrs. Williams to prepare me some breakfast? Of course. - - So young. The world is hers. - Harry, I... - How dare you! - She's my daughter. - Ian changed. You've changed? But you don't change, do you, Dorian? Why is that? Harry, you're my oldest friend... You're against nature. You stay away from her. - I don't want this to get... - Stay away from her! Mr. Gray! I should apologize for my father. Last night, you wanted to tell me something. - Dorian! - I want to begin again. Far away from everything here. I see. Well, I wouldn't... Everything except you. Dorian! Yes. DORIAN: Are you sure this is what you want? You're what I want. As I recall, Mr. Gray stored it in the attic. He certainly wanted to protect it. What secrets does he unlock? Nobody at all need know. {Rasping breath} Emily! - What's the meaning of this? - i am sorry... Don't come up here. Please. Never. Give me the key, please, Emily. - Well, what's in there? - Give me the key! What's in there? Please. I beg you. {Rasping groan} DORIAN: its imperative it sails with us. To New York, yes. I shall wrap it myself, but Ian€TMd be grateful if you'd send men to help carry it down. Thank you. The house should fetch a fine price, Mr. Gray. Will you be leaving any of the furnishings? All of them. You know, I think that he wants to make amends. We owe him the benefit of the doubt. I couldn't let you go off to that ghastly continent without a farewell. Come. - I hear you sail at dawn? - How romantic. - Oh, to be young again. HENRY: Easily done. Can you recall any errors you made in your early days? Very many, with much clarity. HENRY: Then commit them over again. To get back one's youth, one merely has to repeat one's follies. - - Or you could barter your soul. Darling, are you all right? Clumsy. Sorry, excuse me, will you? {Car pulls up outside} Sorry, darling, have you seen Harry? No. But look. Look what he dug out. You never told me there was a painting of you. Where is it? The war's this way, mate! Harry. I want to see it. See what? - Basil's picture. - The picture was destroyed years ago. I never liked it. Show me. its an old portrait of my grandfather. Show me. Would you really kill me, Harry? You taught me that a man can rule his emotions. But I can't. I can't help loving your daughter more than Ian loved anything in my life. And I can't help how dear I still hold our friendship. Please... Please don't do this. Just old trinkets, Harry. Why don't we go back to the party? Basil... Harry... {Eerie breath} What are you? I am what you made me! I lived the life that you preached but never dared practice. I am everything that you were too afraid to be. But I was trying... I was trying so hard... .. to be a better man. i am sorry. Kelso was right. You are... You're death. Dorian? Dorian! Harry, no! - No! - {Gurgling scream} Aaaargh! {Screeching breaths} No! Come with me! What are you doing? Where's Dorian? Dorian? - {Rattles bars} - Locked. - Emily! No, leave him! - No! No! - No! Dorian... - {Henry thuds to floor} Give me the key. Look, give me the key! {Panting screams} What's in there? What's in there? You have my whole heart, Emily. Leave him! My whole heart. What...? Emily, I beg you... No... Dorian! Dorian! No! Dorian! Dorian! Aaaargh! Raaargh! Aaaaaargh! i am still her father, Agatha. And i am merely asking that you tell her... .. that I miss her and that this will always be her home. And maybe one day she'll want to listen. Poor boy. Who can bear to look at you now? {Door closes} {Key turns in lock} Come on, sir, give us a penny! Run! Sorry. Lucky heather, sir? Come on, sir. Looking for someone? Er... Yes, actually, I... Mr. Gray. Welcome to London, sir. Go on, lady. Off you go! Whoa. And here we are, sir. Welcome home. I hope you'll find everything to your liking, sir. Nothing's changed since I was a boy. Sir. I'm sorry for your loss, sir. May I prepare some tea? Thank you, Victor. I've no doubt London will hold many new friends and adventures for you. - I hope so. - So do I. Oh! This is somebody you simply must meet. This is one of our finest artists, Basil Hallward. Agatha, please, a humble student of beauty. - Oh. - What do you think? That's quite a likeness. - Basil. - Hmm? I've been in London two weeks now. And the only people I've met are Agatha's charitable group. Well, you've met me. Of course. I didn't mean... These parties are terribly dull, Dorian. - You won't be missing anything. - I'm sure you're right. I just thought it might be fun. Dear me, no. Shabby. Wife, drink. There. I'll fetch us some drinks. Find her a good husband who knows how to behave to a woman. The only way to behave is to make love to her if she's pretty and to someone else if she's plain. Excuse me. Cigarette? No, thank you. I find a cigarette to be the perfect pleasure. It is exquisite and leaves one unsatisfied. You're Kelso's grandson. Yes. - Did you know him? - I met him once. It was enough to give a cheer last month when he rasped his last sour breath. One assumes you inherited the withered old goat's estate? Being a little orphan isn't all bad. "An earnest young man with a beautiful nature," according to Agatha. I'd pictured some freckled country oaf in ghastly dress. I see I was only half right. It could be worse. Gladys Allonby's been dressed for her 14th birthday ever since her 40th. If Radley spent less time in church and more at his tailor's, he might not so resemble a badly-bound hymn book. Are you sure you won't take a cigarette? I get them directly from Cairo. I see you've met our charming host. Hm? Just pay no attention to anything he tells you. How rude. Henry Wotton. Victoria, my wife. My aunt, alas, you know. Oh, I'm so glad you've met. You might learn some manners from this boy. I've found some more guests for you to insult. I knew I kept her for something. I do hope our paths cross again, Mr. Gray. Thank you for the cigarette... cigarette. An acquired taste. - No, it's actually quite pleasant. - No, I meant Henry. There's some people I want you to meet. Dorian... Aren't you tired of looking at me yet? Certainly not. The more I look the more I see. It must be nearly finished, man. It isn't the Sistine Chapel. Do you remember when I told you you could sit in if you were quiet? - I want to see it. - No, no, don't. He won't even let me have a peek. Agatha tells me your father was also an artist. - Apparently so. - Kelso must have been delighted, his daughter falling for some penniless painter. No wonder they eloped. - Well, I never knew my parents. - Of course. Typhus is so awful. Your poor mother carried off in childbirth. Do you take such interest in everyone you meet? Not everyone I meet is so interesting. Henry, why don't you go for a stroll, while I just work up the background? You don't need Dorian for that. Let's both take a break. - Perhaps we should all get some air. - Yes, and I know just the place. Look. It's rancid! It's rancid! It's only five days old. I'm not paying. Come on, Dorian. Sorry. You see why Agatha is so keen to help Whitechapel? Don't you think we should at least try to make a difference? I've no desire to change anything in England, except the weather. Welcome to my little Hellfire Club. - Here you are, gents. - In one. No, don't, don't. Barkeeper. Again. How say you and the handsome young man stuff me double? Er, no, thank you. We nonetheless wish you godspeed on your evening's quest for romance. A little wider, my dear. Don't worry. He's a doctor. There's no shame in pleasure, Mr. Gray. You see, man just wants to be happy. But society wants him to be good. And when he's good, Man is rarely happy. But when he's happy, he's always good. You do want to be good, don't you, Mr. Gray, and happy? Isn't there a price to pay for that sort of business? She's quite affordable. But what I was asking was about the effect on... Buy a lady a drink? - On what? - Well, on one's soul. One's soul? This is my church. With this dram, right now, I nail my soul to the Devil's altar. You'll never meet a more eloquent philosopher of pure folly. Come on, Dorian. It's time we showed you what we've made. - Really? - The boy hasn't finished his gin. Go and fiddle with your background. We'll be along shortly. Your picture awaits you, Dorian. Perhaps you should go and speak to her. I didn't realize she... Don't be timid. Go. - I wouldn't know where to... - You see, I envy you. Me? Everything's possible for you because you have the only two things worth having. Youth... and beauty. Come on, let's go. The moment's lost. That was probably her husband. Yes, very sensible. People die of common sense, Dorian, one lost moment at a time. Life is a moment. There is no hereafter. So make it burn always with the hardest flame. Well, Basil it's quite the best thing you've done. You'll be the talk of the town. Both of you. Speak up, boy. You'll hurt his feelings. Is that really how I look? It's just so life-like. Better than life. He'll always look like that. You, Mr. Gray, I'm afraid will not. In time, Mother Nature will come a very poor second to Father Basil. - Some things are precious for not lasting. - Poppycock. We wither and scar because the gods are cruel and hateful. Perhaps I should nail my soul to the Devil's altar. And remain as you are? Fair trade. How about another gin instead? All that hocus-pocus, endless conjurations, books bound in infant skin, pentacles of fire, drinking the blood of virgins. Dorian wouldn't really barter his soul. Would you, Dorian? Would you? Yes. Oh, you really have captured something quite exquisite, Basil. I've never known a subject so unaffected. The brush just seemed to dance and I just painted what I saw. Kelso will turn in his grave. He didn't care to look at me. He blamed me for my mother, for her death. There are no limits to the ugliness of old men. Lips! - And his eyes! Almost a match for the original. I'm afraid you're gonna have to get used to being looked at. Well, it's a fine painting. - I don't mean the painting. - Mr. Gray, if you please. That went rather well, didn't it? - A triumph, Mr. Gray. The first of many. May I say, sir, your mother would be very proud to see you today. Shall I draw your bath? It's rather early. Do we have any gin? I believe not, sir. Then perhaps you might summon me a hansom? - Go on, poke him! - I am poking him! Check his pockets! Yes? - Wet your pizzle, sir? - Hello, handsome. Boy! Have a box, my lord? Just a bob. You've only missed a little. This young lady... Miss Sibyl Vane, my lord, in the role of Ophelia. ...see that noble and most sovereign reason like sweet bells jangled, out of tune and harsh. That unmatched form and feature of blown youth blasted with ecstasy. Oh, woe is me. May I present the Theatre Royale's Miss Sibyl Vane, my lord? I'm not really a lord. I don't know why he keeps saying that. We don't get many gentlemen in this theatre. Really? Well, then, I shall recommend it to them. May I ask what brings you to my dressing room? Well, I... I just happened to be passing the theatre and... - Well, you see, I was in the gin shop... - I know. You remember? Well, a friend took me there for the first time. Well, I say the first time. Of course, I have... Well, I wanted to... wanted to say hello, but then you left with... - With Jim. - Yes. Quite. Jim. My brother. Brother? - Mm. - Well, that's splendid! Sorry. It was wrong of me to... Please forgive my intrusion, Miss Vane. Wait! There's something you haven't told me. Yes, of course. I do beg your pardon. Ophelia is a most challenging role and your performance this evening was... impeccable. In fact, extraordinary. In fact you are extraordinary. And when I saw you on the stage, and even more so, now I stand before you, I am awestruck and humbled by your radiance. I meant your name. You didn't tell me your name. So, how many other girls do you bring here? Hundreds. Thousands. - You must be courting dozens at least. - No. You can tell me the truth. There's only you. There's only you. Tell me, what are your actual relations with this young thing? - A fraction of respect, man. - It's not like that. Sibyl's sacred. It's only the scared things that are worth touching. People nowadays fear their passions. - Well, I don't. - Of course you do. We're taught terror from the nursery. Terror of God, or, even worse, of scandal. We're taught to spend our entire lives cowering in self-denial. The truth, Mr. Gray, is that every impulse we strangle only poisons us. You'll make him wish he'd never mentioned the girl. Voila, monsieur. There's something missing. Thank you, Harry. I took the liberty of filling it with my blend. Oh, Dorian. It's beautiful. I just thought it would suit you. I should be going. Jim will worry. Of course. Or we could... I mean... You could stay here with me. We shouldn't be afraid of our feelings, Sib. It's just... I've seen other girls who give themselves, and then I've seen what becomes of them. I love you. Forgive me. I didn't mean... You're all I ever want in the world. Boy! You might have a little scar there. Well, it won't be a first. My back. What? You're perfect. - Engaged? - It's wonderful, isn't it? I wanted you all to be the first to know. - Congratulations, Dorian. - Thank you. May I ask how you came to propose marriage? I suppose I didn't really make a formal proposal. I told her I loved her. She said it was her dream come true to be my wife. Women are wonderfully practical. Will you all come and see her perform tonight? I'm afraid I have an engagement. And we're due at the Burdons. Tell Burdon I'll see him tomorrow. Why don't you hail us a hansom, Dorian? - I love acting. - Goodbye, ladies. So much more real than life. I hope you're pleased with yourself. Every experience is of value. And marriage is certainly an experience. Nobody is amused this time, Henry. I'll talk to him. I got the sense the others don't quite approve. Especially Basil. Perhaps Basil should be a little more fearless with his own feelings. I thought we might make a little stop en route to the theatre. I too have news. It seems my wife is with child. Oh, congratulations. Don't be absurd. It's the beginning of the end. So, indulge me. - Ah, Harry. - Alan. Firkytoodling at last, I see. - Come along, ladies. - It's good to see you. How delightful. Hello. Drink up. It won't be long before you're anchored to the perambulator. I don't think so. Our friend is to marry. Ah, but we haven't had a chance to win your heart. Oh, well. Farewell to youth. No. Watch your step. Does Victoria know you come here? My dear boy, the one of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary. Well, perhaps I have a stronger conscience. Conscience is just a polite term for cowardice. No civilized man regrets a pleasure. You see? The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Be searching always for new sensations, Dorian. Come. Come upstairs. Forbid yourself nothing. - Come. - Nobody at all need know. Come with me. The pleasure is all mine. - I've heard so much about you. - And I you. Did you enjoy the show? I couldn't see you in the audience. I'm afraid we ran a little late. Oh, where were you? At the club. The truth is, my dear, we were celebrating your wonderful news. Very many congratulations. And Harry is to be a father. How wonderful. - Indeed. - In one. I'm sure you're eager to start a family yourself? Very much. Well, not quite yet. - Good night. - Good night, Charlie. Good night. We're a little young, don't you think? Are we? Perhaps I should take my leave. - Good night. - Er... See you tomorrow, Harry. I'm sure. I don't think we need to rush, that's all. You sound different. Not at all. Were you at the club all night? Yes. He's a better liar than you. What? I was just saying everything is so soon. - I gave myself to you. - Sibyl, please! - I thought you loved me. - And I do! Then make me your wife, not one of your whores! I think perhaps I ought to go. Don't let him do this, Dorian. - This has nothing to do with Harry. - You said you loved me! And I do! I do! Dorian, please! Please, Dorian! Please, I love you! Oh, Henry! Dorian! Tell me, how was last night's performance? I'm sorry. Have a drink. I can introduce you to the artist later, if you like. Never marry, Mr. Gray. It's the only way to keep all one's illusions. Chin up, dear boy. You've a face like a slapped nancy. You'll love again. And again. Do you have your cigarettes? Of course. Don't fear it, Dorian. The world is yours. For a season. Hello, Victor. Could you fetch us a bottle of the...? Anything! - What's the matter? - You've a visitor, sir. A Mr. Vane. He seems disturbed. We'll wait in the library. Victor, how about that bottle? To what do I owe the pleasure, Jim? Can I er... Can I get you something to drink? I don't want this in my house. What happened with Sibyl was very unfortunate. But this was a gift and she really should keep... It's filthy. She was wearing it when they pulled her from the river. Why on earth was she...? She... she can't... She can't... I wanted you to know... she loved you. She was going to have your child. And you killed her. Jim! Jim! Get up! Are you all right, sir? Let me... Let me help you up. - Sibyl's dead. - Come. - Now, now. - Good night, ladies. Get up. Get up! We can't have maniacs threatening decent people in their own homes. Alan treats a number of such deranged cases at Broadmoor. Just until he settles down. I feel confident that any inquest into this unfortunate business will find no connection whatsoever with Mr. Gray. Taking you downtown. This wasn't your fault, Dorian. - Kelso said I was death. - Well, he was wrong. Salome. - Harry! - And... You're not making sense. No! Please! He's part of me, Harry. - I turn all love into death. - Dorian. Dorian! Into death. Death! Kelso was a bitter ruin of a man and he's dead. What's past is past. Experience makes us strong, Dorian. And you need to see this episode for what it really is. An extraordinary experience. - I can't be so heartless. - It isn't heartless. It's finding a perspective. Most lack the strength to rise above life's suffering. To rule one's emotions, to savor them that takes a man of will. Alan left this for you. Drink. Doctor's orders. I should be going. I'll call in the morning. Thank you, Harry. You are a man of will, Dorian. I knew it from the first. Dorian, Dorian... I'm so, so sorry. Harry... Harry told me about poor Sibyl. If there's anything I can do... anything... You're very kind. I'm actually just on my way to see Harry now. - Are you coming to the Radleys' ball? - Er... Where's my picture? The light was too strong in here. The light was perfect. Where have you put it? It's quite safe. The truth is, I don't want it on public show. It's just too valuable. I could forgive the vagaries of grief if you actually seemed to be grieving. I was... stricken. But what's past is past. Every experience is of value. Drink? You shouldn't believe every word Harry says. He doesn't. Isn't this all just ghastly? Radley gloating with pitiful pride ...while his love-starved wife parades their daughter ...like a sow truffling for husbands. Delightful little filly. And poor Celia. Trussed up in a doily for some chinless miscreant to eternally enslave. I suggest we raise a little hell. Allow me to introduce myself. I know who you are, Mr. Gray. Allow me to offer my congratulations on your ravishing debut. Perhaps a small toast. To what? Intoxication. - Here she comes. - Who? Celia? - Celia? - Problem, Lady Radley? My daughter, I can't find her. And nor can I find your Mr. Gray. Perhaps they're in the garden. The arrangements are marvelous. Might I hazard an alternative suggestion? Celia! - Is something the matter? - Celia! Where is my daughter, you beast? I was just attending to my costume. A little of Lord Radley's very fine Burgundy was spilt on my shirt cuff. Mr. Gray, I... - Lord Henry gave me to understand... - A mistake. Nobody at all need know. You're too kind, Mr. Gray. - Thank you. - It must be difficult, a party like this. Seeing your daughter come of age. Makes you long for your own youth. I... Madam, forgive me but you are exquisite. Oh, Mr. Gray. This is most improper. Now, where were we? What are you grinning about, Gray? I think Harry's just lost a wager. Well, come on, out with it. We're all gambling men here. Just a little round of double or nothing. Of course, a good gambler understands that there are limits. There are no limits. Have a wonderful birthday, Dorian! Dorian. This crush is your finest yet. One has to do something to null the pain of age. Do tell my husband not to be so disagreeable. But I always agree with him. Congratulations, Basil. I hear you have a new exhibition. Yes, yes, in Paris. Yes, in fact, I wanted to ask a question of you, Dorian. I'd like to make your portrait my principal piece. Oh, yes, that picture. Absolutely wonderful. - Whatever became of it? - I haven't seen it myself in some months. - Dorian's very protective of it, aren't you? - Indeed I am. I'm very sorry, Basil, but it's just too precious. I won't have it out of the house. I beg your pardon. Did you want me? That picture is my finest work and it'd be greatly appreciated... The greatest gift that anyone could ever have given. In fact... In fact, I wish that I could tell you just how great. But then it isn't so unreasonable to borrow it back a little while. I'm not sure that I've ever fully expressed my gratitude. I hardly think... I have the key to your heart. Don't touch that ever! Dorian! He's young. But he was never cruel till he met you. That's mine. Oh, it's you. - I thought you'd gone home. - I just needed a walk. I was just about to go to bed. Everyone's left. I'm here to see you, not them. Really? Wait, wait. I don't know where to begin. How ominous. - You terrified that poor boy tonight. - He seemed to recover. Is that what you tell yourself about Celia Radley? Look, I'm sorry about her misfortune. But do you really believe that I'm to blame? But I know you're treating people poorly. Even me, when I ask you the small favor that you loan me my own picture... - Is that what this is about? - No, it's about a good damn more! Dorian... What happened to the Dorian Gray I painted? You just don't understand. I will always be that Dorian. Can I trust you, Basil? Would you like to see why you can never exhibit that picture? What's the matter? Don't you recognize me? What? What have you...? That thing... It isn't what... Together, we've created something beautiful. It's a miracle. Look at me. Look at me. Because of your painting... - It's not... - this will never age. Will never scar. Can you even imagine... being able to do anything you please and live out every whim and impulse while the world just sees you gleam? This isn't you. I know this isn't you. We can stop it! Basil, please, don't. Don't you see that this must be destroyed? Dorian, I want to help you. We'll find a priest or a spirit-worker. There's good in your heart. I've seen it. You're not this this devil! I'm a god. Basil. Basil! Good evening. Need some help, sir? How kind. Alright. Mind how you go, sir. On you go. Good day, Lady Victoria. I was about to take Harry for lunch at Scott's. Why don't you join us? Oh, Dorian. You haven't heard. They've found Basil's body in the river. Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings and desperate men, And dost with poison, warre and sickness dwell, Poppies or charmes can make us sleep as well, And better than thy stroke. Why swell'st thou then? One short sleep past, we wake eternally. And death shall be no more. Death, thou shalt die. Farewell, dear Basil. I spoke to the police again this morning. And have the buffoons managed to make a single inch of progress? They're convinced it was some Shadwell renter. They think they'll catch him. So Basil's name will be dragged through the gutter. I'm of a mind to take a trip, Harry. Maybe you should join me. - Where are you going? - Everywhere. I leave tomorrow. With all this? Someone once gave me some fine advice about taking perspective. Come with me. The child is imminent. Tell me everything. I always do. I've entered the tombs of dead nations, ridden with our last savage tribes. I feel the brilliance of every moment, the splendor of existence and its awful keen as the edge of a blade, this desperate will to see, touch and... Dearest Harry, you taught me that life must burn with a hard flame. Its light does not blind me, ...nor its heat sear me. I am the flame, Harry. I am the flame. Women never have anything to say, but they say it charmingly. They're the great triumph of matter over mind. Well, here I am. Dorian. You look so so... He looks magnificent. We have heard such tales. I'm afraid they're all absolutely and entirely... true. Welcome back. Some champagne? Yes. A- ha! My missing guest of honor. I'm coming. I was sorry for your loss. You know, I kept hearing this phrase. "Natural causes. " Nature has a great deal to answer for. She was so looking forward to the life of a divorcee. And poor old Basil... If we paid the police by results, we'd save the Treasury thousands. When your letters stopped coming, I feared the worst. But here you are. So never mind the country estate. Tell me, why are you really back? - I'm tired. - You don't look it. You have no right to melancholy. Your life is exquisite. You've drunk deeply of everything and it hasn't left a fleck on you. Do you remember when I first came to London? I felt so... Those were the great days. Dorian, it's quite clear why you've lost your passion for life. You've been away from me for too long. We must go out. Take on the town, as we used to. - I've missed you, Harry. - I must ask you, though... What is your secret? If I told you, I'd have to kill you. You still have it, I see. - From Cairo. - Where else? Smile. Emily. May I? I hope I'm not interrupting your reminiscence? The one charm of the past is that it's the past. Oh. I hope you're not also a dreary old cynic? What is there to believe in? Our developments. All I see is decay. Well, then religion? Fashionable substitute for belief. - Art? - A malady. - Love? - An illusion. Bravo! Well, you both cut the world to pieces, don't you? Thank you for the cigarette. Unusual woman. She ought to be. She's my daughter. Lie down. Dorian? Dorian... It's you. Dorian! Oi, mister! Give us a penny! Oi, mister. Mister. Penny for the guy? - Have you been in the war? - I'm too old. Give us a couple of bob for a drink, will you? Get up. Get up! You... Yeah, you... Dorian Gray. - I think you're mistaken. - I knew one day you'd come back. - Wait, please... - So many years I've waited. Wait! How many years? - No more! - How many years? Look at me. Look at my face. I'm barely 20, man. Can't be. I don't know this this Dorian Gray. I think, sir, you are not well. I... Hospital. They hurt me. You tell him... You tell him I'm coming. A visitor, sir. To what do I owe the pleasure? I thought you might like to join me for lunch. No, I don't think... I made a picnic. Yes, well, I'm afraid I... I'd rather stay at home today. Serious? It's going to rain. Tell me, Mr. Gray. Must you always play the cynic? Hm? Look up. Actually, I'd rather you didn't... Oblige me, Mr. Gray. Have you been pursuing this delightful hobby for long? No. It's a gift from my father. In return, he made me promise that I wouldn't chain myself to anymore railings. For suffrage, Mr. Gray. Well, don't you think that women should be given the vote? I believe a woman should be given anything she can't wear in the evening. What a loss to the Front you are. Think of all those Germans that you could bayonet with your epigrams. I do apologize if I offend. Oh, no, you'll have to do rather better to offend me. Then I humbly vow to redouble my efforts. You know, I wonder if it's true, what they say about you. That beneath all the charm, you're in fact quite heartless? They say I'm charming? They say that you devote your whole life to pleasure. Well, it's clearly to be recommended. If I look as good as you in 25 years, I shall be thoroughly happy. I can assure you, pleasure is very different from happiness. I mean, some things are more precious because they don't last. Mr. Gray I believe I know your secret. You do have a heart. Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril. How terrifying. I may let you chauffeur me again, Mr. Gray. So, I'll see you at Toynbee Hall tonight? Until then. Alice. I'd crawl the sewers before I'd let my flesh and blood near him. - Sit down, Granddad! - What kind of unholiness grants the face of a babe to such a man? Come along! Come along, my dear! Completely unnatural! What? - Let him play! - Quiet, please, ladies and gentlemen. You know, anyone would think you're ashamed to be seen with me. What happened in the hall? I don't know what you mean. You saw something. You're mistaken. Well, I heard that he killed him. We never ever again... Mr. Gray! It would be better if we were not seen together. Better for whom? Tongues may wag against you. I don't care what they say. You should. The truth is, I've done dreadful things. My life... My life has been a monstrous corruption. And there will be a price. I won't let anyone hurt you. We should not meet again. I told you it was him. Step back. I'm coming for you, Dorian Gray. You dirty bastard! Dorian Gray, you bastard! You're a disgrace! Good evening, sir. Mr. Harcourt here thinks there may be rats nesting in the attic. - I haven't the key. - Get out of my house. But, Mr. Gray... And you. With respect, sir I've been with your family for two generations. Your effects will follow. I want to be free. I want to be... new, clean. I want to be good. Please. Please, you have to help me. If we repents, God is faithful and just. Confess your mortal sins. - Confess your mortal... - This is not my true face! If you could see my soul... Child, only God may see our souls. I have seen my soul! And I could show it to you. It's rotten. It stinks. It's poison. Help me. You will die. I'm sorry. Mr. Gray? Miss Wotton. Please forgive my intrusion at this late hour. You're shaking. - Look, come and sit by the fire. - I want to... I want to tell you... I want to tell you everything. All right. Look at me. Sh! What is it? I need you... I need you to know... - what I am. - Sh! It's all right. Listen, sh... It's all right. Harry. Good morning. Sleep well? Mr. Gray was in need of a friend. Perhaps you could ask Mrs. Williams to prepare me some breakfast? Of course. So young. The world is hers. - Harry, I... - How dare you! - She's my daughter. - I've changed. You've changed? But you don't change, do you, Dorian? Why is that? - Harry, you're my oldest friend... - You're against nature. You stay away from her. - I don't want this to get... - Stay away from her! Mr. Gray! I should apologize for my father. Last night, you wanted to tell me something. - Dorian! - I want to begin again. Far away from everything here. I see. Well, I wouldn't... Everything except you. Dorian! Yes. Are you sure this is what you want? You're what I want. As I recall, Mr. Gray stored it in the attic. He certainly wanted to protect it. What secrets does he unlock? Nobody at all need know. Emily! Emily! - What's the meaning of this? - I'm sorry... Don't come up here. Please. Never. Give me the key, please, Emily. - Well, what's in there? - Give me the key! What's in there? Please. I beg you. It's imperative it sails with us. To New York. I shall wrap it myself, but I'd be grateful if you'd send men to help carry it down. Thank you. The house should fetch a fine price, Mr. Gray. Will you be leaving any of the furnishings? All of them. You know, I think that he wants to make amends. We owe him the benefit of the doubt. I couldn't let you go off to that ghastly continent without a farewell. Come. I hear you sail at dawn? How romantic. - Oh, to be young again. - Easily done. Can you recall any great errors you made in your early days? Very many, with much clarity. Then commit them over again. To get back one's youth, one merely has to repeat one's follies. Or you could barter your soul. Darling, are you all right? Clumsy. Sorry, excuse me, will you? Sorry, darling, have you seen Harry? No. But look. Look what he dug out. You never told me there was a painting of you. Where is it? The war's this way, mate! Harry. I want to see it. See what? - Basil's picture. - Basil's picture was destroyed years ago. I never liked it. Show me. It's an old portrait of my grandfather. Show me. Would you really kill me, Harry? You taught me that a man can rule his emotions. But I can't. I can't help that I love your daughter more than I've loved anything in my entire life. And I can't help how dear I still hold our friendship. Please... Please don't do this. Just old trinkets, Harry. Why don't we go back to the party? Basil... Harry... What are you? I am what you made me! I lived the life that you preached but never dared practice. I am everything that you were too afraid to be. But I was trying... I was trying so hard to be a better man. I'm sorry. Kelso was right. You are... You're death. Dorian? Dorian! Harry, no! No! No! Come with me! - What? What are you doing? Where's Dorian? Dorian? Locked! - Emily! No, leave him! - No, no... No! Dorian... Give me the key. Look, give me the key! What's in there? What's in there? You have my whole heart, Emily. Leave him! My whole heart. What...? Emily, I beg you... No... Dorian! Dorian! No! Dorian! Dorian! I'm still her father, Agatha. And I'm merely asking that you tell her that I miss her and that this will always be her home. And maybe one day she'll want to listen. Poor boy. Who can bear to look at you now? [Intro to Buddy's "Say a Lot" plays] % % Golden rings around your head Never show % % % % We don't seem like ourselves Anymore % % % % Never really takes a lot To lose you % % % % Make a wish on a falling star % % % % Wish I was who you wish I was % % % % Never really takes a lot To lose you % % % % I don't have to say a lot To lose you % % % % Oh % % % % You don't have to leave a light on % % % % Oh, no % % % % Even though I'm coming home % % % % You should start % % % % Without me % % % % Still, I miss you the most When you're here % % % % Never really takes a lot To lose you % % % % I don't have to say a lot To lose you % % [Gasps] [Groans] [Giggles] Why can't you get a makeover at Macy's like all the normal girls? You're jumpy. You back on regular coffee? No. I just get into a groove when I'm working. Plus, I'm not used to my subjects grabbing me. But again, if you want to grab me, who am I to stop you? Sure, I'll grab you, but you're probably not gonna like it. [Door opens, wheels rolling] I know you know this, but I'm not supposed to have live girls in the embalming room. You never cared about the rules before. Anyway, I'm practicing. I don't think being dead is something you need to practice. Don't kick me out. You're gonna get me fired. Your boss wouldn't know a live girl from a coat rack. Yeah, well, let's not test that theory. [Inhales deeply] Mm. You know what I'm in the mood for? I'm afraid to ask. Young mother. Newlyweds. - Super-emotional family. - No. Can't you at least just tell me when? Uh, no. What about, like, a little funeral? Here's an idea. Why don't you go rent "Terms of Endearment" or "Steel Magnolias"? I've seen all those. My DVD rack is, like, a manic-depressive's last cry for help, and still, not a tear. You'll be doing a public service. You'll be making me a whole person. Come on. I need it. [Footsteps approach] Uh, I think someone's coming in. Here goes. [Knock on door] That door was locked. Yeah, sorry about that. Oh. Ah, ah. Oh. Wow, she's hot. I've never seen a hot dead girl before. Yeah, I was just, uh, finishing up. Yeah, I see you're finishing up here. I think you remember my nephews. Yeah. Good to see you guys. Yo, we don't touch the bodies. That's right, boys. This is the loved one of a client. Yep. Which client, Shane? Oh, um, this is the Carters' daughter. - Right, yeah. - Yeah. [Sighs, clears throat] [Metal clatters] Oh, whoa. Aren't you gonna pick those up? Yeah. Okay. I've got to say, that's really some expert work there, Shane. Thank you. Okay, let's, uh... let's go, boys. - Oh, come on. - Let us stay. No, no. It's cold in here, okay? It's stuffy. Come on. Thank you, Shane. Yeah. [Door closes] [Gasps] [Laughs] [Scoffs] One more funeral. No. Go read the obituaries like a normal person. The obituaries are so hit-and-miss. But you know these families. Just give me one that's gonna rip my heart out. Look... I appreciate your healthy respect for the funeral-home business, for death, even. But I am, as always, teetering on the brink of unemployment, and your visits are not helping. I'm not going to help you, not this time. Absolutely, positively, categorically... No pain. No hardship. Anna is truly in a better place. I saw Anna at church every Sunday when she was a girl. This bright light was struck down in the very prime of her life by a tragic car accident. She was a charitable person, a devoted daughter, and sister... and friend. The day my daughter was born was the happiest day of my life, until the next day and the day after that. [Clears throat] I guess I should tell you who Anna really was. Anna was the goofiest girl I ever met in my life. The very first time I ever met her, she walked up to me in the hall of our dorm and kissed me on the mouth. She was a lot of things. She was a... she was a pink-haired cheerleader in high school, the karaoke bully in college, an Internet whiz kid who couldn't calculate a tip to save her life. She was bold and unafraid, always the first one out on the dance floor at a party, using her bad French wherever she went in Paris, and loving the people in her life with great abandon. I know that a day won't pass for me without picturing her lopsided smile. [Sobs] And the world's a lesser place for having lost her. [Organ plays softly] [Indistinct conversations] [Gasps] Oh, no. Good of you to come. I, uh, um... I... I liked what you said. I don't think I've ever met you before. I thought I knew all of Anna's friends. No, we haven't met. - Um, I'm Carys. - Hi. - What was that? - I don't know. Did something fall? No, I don't think so. I thought I saw something. Will you... will you help me look for it? I don't see anything. I could have sworn. So, you must be a friend of the family. Uh, yes, exactly, a friend of the family's, good friend of the family's... known them for years. You must have heard a lot of shit about me, then. Mm, no. No, I didn't. MARY: Tyler. Here come Anna's parents now. [Sobbing] Uh, who are... Ah, it's okay. It's okay. Shh, you're okay. It's okay. Shh. Tyler, could you give us a moment, please? Of course. Hey, okay. It's okay. Hey, hey, hey. Carys, you okay? I can't... go. [Gasping] Excuse me? I think I should just stay right here. No, maybe a stroll will do you good. - Oh, hey. - Oh, honey. Are you okay? Carys? You okay? I'm sorry. I'm fine now. Yes, thank you. - Let's go outside. - Okay. Okay. [Sighs] So, I guess you're gonna ride to the cemetery with the family? No. Oh, well, you know, I hadn't planned on it. You brought your own car? Oh, good. I could use a break. Where are you parked? Oh, you know what? It's a bit of a walk, so... No, the fresh air will do us good. Okay. You were Anna's boyfriend? She never mentioned me? Yes, no, no, no, she did, just in more general terms. What terms were those? Oh, the usual, that you were sweet and romantic, and... that she loved you that you had a really, really big, um... That... that sounds like her. She used to always say things are bigger in Texas. You don't sound like you're from Texas. Austin. It's not all howdys and y'alls down there, you know? Guess not. - Where's your car? - Right here. That wasn't that far. [Sobbing] I need to see Anna. Please, I need to see her again. Mary, I'm sorry. [Sniffles] Where's her ring? Where's her ring? - Where's the ring? ! - What? Her engagement ring is missing. WOMAN: Oh, my goodness, that gorgeous ring. - Where's her ring? - What's going on? Her ring. Her engagement ring's not on her hand. You better talk to them right now. These funeral home guys, they're all crooks. Her poor fiancé. Can you imagine, losing Anna, and now this? WOMAN: Poor fiancé nothing. Don't tell me you haven't heard the rumors about what happened. What happened? - TYLER: Where's her ring? - IRVING: Uh, what ring? She had an engagement ring on when she came in. Uh, we'll look in her list of possessions, but she has to have any jewelry she was brought in with. Well, that's the thing. She doesn't have all the jewelry that she was brought in with. We'll be happy to look into that with you at the funeral home after the service. You better believe it. Oh, okay. Can you do me a favor and just come in with me? I mean, it'll only take a minute. You know what? I really have to be getting home. I know. I know. I'm sorry. But I have to get her ring back. Tyler, I can explain. It was an accident. I, um... - Oh, good. - I'm so, so... I... I... oh, I have something in my eye! You okay? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I just need to get it. You know what? I'll meet you there in a second. - Okay. - Okay. You know, this never happens. The ring is on the list, but for some reason... Well, let's go in and look. We'll go in and look. [Sighs] [Door opens] [Sighs] - Hi. - Hi. Sorry. You got a minute? I want to ask you something. I'm a Pisces. [Chuckles] You're quick, in more ways than one. Name's Varnez. [Door opens] Ah, just the person I was looking for. Sorry, not interested. Let's go, please. [Engine revs] Don't you want to know who he is? I don't think I can take any more surprises this evening. Irving acted all concerned, checked his records, said the ring was logged, doesn't know what happened to it. Criminal. Well, maybe he's telling the truth. She loved that ring more than she loved me. She never took it off. I brought her in with it. I know it was on her hand. Man. You were with her when she... died? I'm sorry. That must have been terrible. I'm a little bit parched. Thirsty? [Sighs] Let's just drop all the grieving conversation for a second. Do you have any pets? I have a high-strung roommate with an eating disorder. Does that count? It might. [Chuckles] How about you? I have a short, portly dog of questionable disposition. - Terrier? - French bulldog. I wanted a Scotty growing up. But we never had any pets. That's crazy. We've got laws against that in Texas. Every kid has to have a dog. Where did you grow up, anyway? San Diego. There's lots of open space there, lots of yards. Well, my parents just thought it would be... untidy. Well, that's for sure, because I can't wear anything for more than 10 minutes before Randy slobbers all over, puts his dirty paws on it, and, on his very worst days, bites a damn hole in it. It's obscene. Do you see your parents a lot? Well... The truth is, no. I hardly ever see them. I never see them. That's too charged a subject to discuss with a stranger, isn't it? Oh, yeah, we're strangers. Tyler Cormier. Carys Reitman. You know... I never even... heard a word about you from Anna, not even a whisper. You know what? About that, I, um... No, it's okay. I mean, Anna and I both had our own secrets. I guess she just wanted you to be one of hers. It's getting late. [Sighs] [Footsteps] I thought you were out of town with what's-his-name. We broke up. Typical. Did I scare you? No. You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that. Nice black dress. Funerals again, huh? You're never gonna feel anything. You're broken inside. Get over it. We're roommates in lease obligation only. My personal life is none of your business. - Ghoul. - Puritan. - Vampire. - Pollyanna. [Horn honks] [Sighs] I'm completely hung over. Hair of the dog, bro. Hair of the dog. - Hey, Carys. - Mm. Good morning. Hey, there. So, how are we doing? Good. We'll be done for dress rehearsal next week. RYAN: You have a good weekend? Yeah, it was great. Well, I think they're rehearsing the ending today. Mm-hmm. RYAN: You know, your favorite scene? The tragic, heart-wrenching, soul-killing ending? Mm. [Aspirator sucking] [Door opens] - [Screams] - [Gasps] Please tell me you were stealthy coming in. Like a ninja. You know that now that my boss thinks you're a corpse, we're probably gonna have to find a different place for us to hang out. You were right about that funeral yesterday. I probably shouldn't have gone. There was, um... an accident. What do you mean, there was an accident? I was leaning over her... Anna... and she just reminded me of... I held her hand, and her, um... No. - Her ring just... - Don't say another word. ...slipped off in my hand. Have you lost your mind? Her henchman of a boyfriend came in here and threatened to take us to court until we're so broke we end up burying our clients in burlap sacks. You have to understand. It's not his fault. It's my fault. Exactly, and now I'm gonna get fired because of it. Why? You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the reason you were there, trespassing at the funeral, where you just so happened to steal some very expensive jewelry. Wait, calm down. I thought we could just return the ring. - Return the ring? - Yeah. Just give it back to her. Back to Anna Williams the dead girl who we buried yesterday? You know, you've got all the equipment. - Couldn't we just... - Couldn't we just what? Dig her up and then slide the ring back on her finger? Do you know how much that equipment costs? Could you imagine what would happen if her family came to visit and her grave was above ground, and you and I just happened to be giving back her jewelry? That's it! We go in the middle of the night! Stop talking right now. We cannot return the ring to the dead girl. Now, you're gonna have to get it and give it back to her family or her fiancé or whoever you like, and explain yourself. Okay, well, how am I gonna do that? I can't just be like, "Oops, look what I found in my pocket." I can't just find the ring here. The family will think we're thieves. I know it's strange, but corpse-robbing funeral homes actually don't get a lot of business. [Sighs] [Doorbell rings] [Sighs] [Gasps] Uh, Carys? Hi. It's... weird that I'm here, isn't it? Weird? No. But you slammed the door in my face. It slipped. How did you find me? I... I looked you up. You have a very unique name. - Can I come in? - In here? Sure. Sorry. [Sighs] [Sighs] Oh, have a seat. Thanks. [Sighs] You know what? It's good that you're here, actually. It is? There's something I need to tell you. Have you ever had an unusual hobby? Well, I like to needlepoint. [Laughs] Okay, I'm gonna start over. My sister died young, younger than Anna. Oh, wow, I'm sorry to hear that. Thank you. That must have been so hard for you to go to Anna's funeral. I mean, first your sister, and then your good friend. That's why you were acting so funny. You know what? About that, um... Stop. You don't have to explain anything to me. You helped me yesterday when I needed it. I... I was so low. I don't know how I would have gotten through the day without you. Tyler, I have to apologize to you. Can I ask you a question? Sure. It's been a terrible week, you know, like a heart-wrenching, not-sure-how-you're-gonna get-through-it kind of week. So, if you're gonna say anything at all that's gonna make me feel worse, even just a little bit worse, can it wait? I don't think I can take it. Sure. You know, actually, I came over here to ask you for a favor. - You did? - Another favor. I have to go to Anna's parents' house for dinner. Uh-huh. And I don't think I can face them alone. Um, dinner... dinner... with Jim and Mary. John and Mary. Right. I call him... Jim. [Chuckles] It's a nickname. It's a long story. Please tell me you'll come to dinner. I can't. I actually have quite a lot of work. Um, we're building a new set, so I'm modeling the entire thing back there on my computer right now. It's crazy. I understand. It's... You know, it's funny. I don't even know you, but it feels like you're the only friend I've got, you know, like, the only person who really knows what I'm going through, because you loved her, too. I wish I could. I would if I could go to their house with you. I... no, I-I-I understand. It'll probably be miserable, anyway. Yeah. No, I mean... Do you mind if I use your bathroom before I... I go? No, the bathroom's right there. Tyler, wait! My... my room is a mess. [Toilet flushes] [Gasps] Oh, don't... don't clean up on my account. [Gasps] So, I guess... guess I should say adios. This will probably be the last time we see each other. Oh, yeah. I guess so. Thank you for your help yesterday. It was a pleasure meeting you. You, too. Yeah. [Sighs] Um... You know, maybe I could go to dinner. [Insects chirping] Here we go. Hi. Thank you for coming. Come on in. - Tyler. - Hi. Um... You are... Mm. Doing good. It's so good to see you. [Sighs] Can I give you a hand in there? No. Thank you. Uh, w-we saw you at the funeral. I know. It's been a while. Let's not let it go so long next time. How are you doing? Oh, trying to cope. Hello, Marissa. How are you? I feel ill. I'm sorry to hear that. You were at the funeral. How did you know Anna? Oh, how did I know Anna? Gosh, it's been a while. Well, it wasn't from college. I was at Brown with my sister. And I would have remembered you. Yeah. No, it wasn't at college. Oh. Definitely not at college. It was here, here in L.A. We, uh, took a class together. What sort of class? Uh, art class. Anna was taking an art class? She never mentioned anything about that. I'm sure she was good. She had that artistic flair. Yes, I'm sure she was good. Yeah. You know, I'm just wondering... Do you have a bathroom I could use? Yes, right through there. Thank you. [Door closes] [Sighing] JOHN: I don't think this is the right time, Marissa. MARISSA: No, tell him. Why should we be embarrassed to say it? He should be embarrassed. He came here with a date. JOHN: Marissa, calm down. MARY: Tyler, you know why we asked you here. I'm pretty sure I do. It's awkward to discuss this so soon, but we need to talk to you about the money. Good, because I want to talk to you, too. Well, it's difficult for us to ask, but we feel that Anna's money should go to her family. I wish it were that easy, but she left me as the executor, and... and I take that responsibility very seriously. Well, we think you should resign as executor and let us take over. [Water splashing] [Gasps] Oh, fuck. What was that? - Oh, my goodness. - Did you hear that noise? What was that? Just let... let's stay focused. Okay, all right, all right. Obviously Anna thought that she was going to be married to you for 50 years before she died, but that didn't happen, as you know. And you were not married. You were her boyfriend. Her fiancé, and it was very clear what she wanted. This is the last thing I can do for her, and I'm gonna do it. Anna didn't know about our financial difficulties. Well, for a close family, you sure have a lot of secrets. Oh, who are you to talk about secrets? I know what you did. Look, you're upset, and I understand. I wish that there was something I could do. I should probably go. I called the police. We've discussed this before. You're tired. We're not going through this again. Please, Marissa, just go to the safe-deposit box. We'll go to the box when we're ready to go through her effects. No, Sir, it has to be Marissa. [Bathroom door closes] There you are. We should go. Thank you very much for having us over. It was nice to see all of you again. [Door opens] That was great. Thanks. Oh, I'm so sorry. Bringing you here was inconsiderate. I mean, I think I jeopardized your relationship with them. They were frosty to you. Oh, don't worry about that. So, what the hell happened in there? Lt... It's complicated. It just... [Clears throat] Told you it would be miserable, though. Yeah, I was expecting miserable, but, you know, I at least thought there would be food. [Chuckles] Anna was so ambivalent about her money. You know, working for that start-up that went public, I think she just saw all those dot-commers and their ridiculous cash. You know how she was. Yeah. I mean, you know what she wanted to do with her money. Gosh, I mean, yeah, so many ideas. Well, not really. I mean, it's a gimme. What was she nuts about? Nuts about? Oh, nuts about, nuts about. She wanted her money to go to the Children's Fund for Cancer Research. Well, I mean, Children's Fund, of course. I just don't see how her parents can't respect that. They're upset. They're strapped. And the fact that I'm the bearer of bad news doesn't help matters. She was really clear about what she wanted from me, you know, and I don't see how I could do anything differently. Thank you for coming. I promise I will never ask you to go to their house again. Thank you for that. [Chuckles] You know, it's... it's funny. I mean, you and Anna were so different, I'm surprised you were friends at all. How different? Night and day. [Grunts] [Retches] [Spits] I can't believe I kissed you. I can't believe you threw up afterwards. I just buried Anna. Look, it was a mistake. We never have to talk about it again. It just happened. - I have to go. - Oh, my God. That was really romantic. Looks like he really likes you. Shut up. Before you have sex, I'd have an ambulance on standby. Always. You look different. You look sad... thin, but sad. Leave me alone. You are sad. I didn't think you had it in you. Neither did I. [Sighs] Well, it would never have worked anyway. The entire thing was built on a bald-faced lie. I mean, every word you ever said to him was untrue. No, I lied to him about why I was at the funeral. But it was more than that. Everything else was true. Oh, really? [Camera shutter clicks] So, he knows you still have his fiancée's ring? Okay, not everything, but I'm waiting for the right time to tell him. Well, I'm sure that's gonna go over really well. Stop. You're making me feel even worse. He kissed me and then threw up. Do you even know what that's like? Unfortunately, I think I do. I mean, maybe not full vomiting, but, you know, at least a, uh, gag reflex. So, I was thinking about going to see my parents. Has going to see them ever helped you in any way? No. But I thought, you know, I'm different now, so, maybe we could relate to each other better. Mm. I mean, they are my parents. I advise against it. I know. In the strongest possible terms. [Chuckles] [Camera shutter clicks] MRS. REITMAN: Tell me, what have you been up to? Your father and I have really missed you. Well, I've, uh... sort of met someone. And it's, you know, brought up a lot of stuff. A romantic someone? I don't know. Oh, sweetheart, that's wonderful! You deserve to be happy. Thank you. Thanks. Have you known him long? Uh, no. What, um, I wanted to, uh... Well, how did you meet him? It's a long story. Well, what I'm trying to talk to you about is... What's he like? Mom, I'm... I'm trying to talk to you. Well, we are talking. Do you ever think about her? About who? Mom, do you ever think about her? Would you like some tea? Oh, I think I'm gonna have some. No, I don't... I don't need any tea. Oh, I suppose no one ever really needs tea. Mom, just forget the tea. Well, what about some juice? It would be very good for your skin. Mom, look at me. [Sighs] You know what would be nice? Some cookies. Cookies? Did I hear someone say cookies? Hi, sweetie. Hi, Dad. Oh. [Sighs] Hey, it's Shane. Give me a call. [Beep] Carys, it's Tyler. Um, my portly dog and I are gonna be in your neighborhood tomorrow by no coincidence whatsoever, and we wanted to see if we could stop by. Give me a ring back. My number is... [Beep] Carys, it's Tyler. Um, my portly dog and I... [Growling] Does he fetch? He doesn't fetch. But I do. I've been thinking a lot about Anna's ring. I really don't know what to do about it. I mean, do I press charges? Do I sue? You know what I think would just be great, karmacally speaking, you know, just to let it go. Huh? It's gonna come back to you. What do you mean, the ring or the karma? Both. 'Cause, you know, the wheel of life is turning. I still haven't been able to go back to her grave. Yeah, I mean, it takes people a while... Not that I'm an expert or anything. God, the end was so terrible. The very end? When I leaned over the other day to kiss you, it felt really strange, but there was a part of me that felt really happy to be free, you know, to be about to kiss you. And then I felt guilty. And then I felt sick. Terrible, terrible thing to say. Can you look at me the same way? [Rock music plays] Wait, we're in Lila's room. Oh, screw it. [Glass shatters] [Gasps] You okay? Yeah. There they are. Wait, did it look like this? Well... I only noticed it when it was shattering to bits. [Both chuckle] All right, let's get this one. This one? - You sure? - Yeah. - Positive? - Mm-hmm. All right. Let's get it. [Door opens] What the fuck happened to my thinning mirror? [Knocking on door] You better sleep with your eyes open! [Growls] [Both screaming] % % I thought you might unfold % % [Door slams] [Shane sighs] If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. I know, don't sneak. But I didn't sneak. I walked boldly and forthrightly. I did not sneak. And no one saw you come in? No one whose story would be believed. [Sighs] Wonderful. [Sighs] What is it? What's what? What is it that you're obviously dying to tell me? Tyler and I... At what point did you and I develop this sort of talky, open, girly relationship? I think this is it. What? You know..."it." No, actually, I don't know what "it" is. [Sighs] Don't make me say it. I'll go you one better... I beg you not to say it. I think I... [Chuckles] I think I'm in... All right, that's enough. Have you even told him the truth yet? I don't think that matters anymore. Really? Well, if he's never felt this way about anybody, and if he's opening up a whole new world of feelings for me, then what does it matter if we met through a mix-up? A mix-up is stating it a little softly, don't you think? It's a bit muted, I guess. A bit muted? Yeah, I could see that's how he'd see it. You know, a bit muted compared to actual events. You have to be honest with him. Once he says he loves you, that's it. There's no going back from that. You can't just be like, "Oh, sorry, everything I've told you since we first met is actually a complete lie." Okay, you're right. I have to tell him. I will tell him. I'm going to tell him. [Sighs] I'm gonna tell him. [Sighs] I... need your help. Pardon me? [Sighs] I need your help with, um... shopping. Well, shouldn't you just go to Goths "R" Us and be done with it? I'm not a Goth. I'll buy you Jenny Craig dinners for a week. Six. - Two. - Four. - Done. - I'll go change. I'm not going in there. This transformation has arrived just in time. I don't want to say that black has always made you look overtired and pasty, but you really need to put some color on before the infatuation phase wears off and he really sees your many physical flaws for the first time. Okay, just because you racked up a slew of angry ex-boyfriends doesn't make you the expert on dating. You've seen the dating-commercial sites. It's about quality, not quantity. Let's go in. Fine. % % I can't be sure % % Like I said, overtired and pasty. Can I help you find something? Yes, my, um, roommate is looking for a new wardrobe. Great boobs, tiny waist, slim hips... We have a ton of things that will look fantastic on you. Bitch. No, not you. I'm sure you're super nice. I look like a Christmas tree. I think you should get it. No, I have to draw the line somewhere. Oh, my God. % % I guess she took your heart And left the rest % % This one? No pink! Just buy a fricking outfit, and let's move on. Can you put that on hold for me? That'll be $986.43. This turnaround's becoming an expensive little proposition for you. I give it a 2. A 2? A 2? You're talking about a cult classic here. "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!"? Who's afraid of a tomato? Best part about it was the title. Oh, God, I see we're gonna have to continue your cinematic education. I think we're gonna have to continue your education. - Oh, really? - Mm-hmm. Doesn't sound half bad. [Door opens, closes] Excuse me. What I wouldn't give for a little post-make-out vomiting right now. She's just still mad about the mirror. Oh, the mirror. [Vehicle approaches] Hey, isn't that the guy from the funeral? Hey, hey, hey! Hey! Come back here! Wasn't his name, like, Varnez or something? I don't know. My life just keeps getting weirder and weirder. What's going on? You know, I'm kind of beat. I think I'm gonna go home. You don't want to come in? 'Cause I actually needed to talk to you about some stuff. I know. I... I'm gonna take a rain check, okay? - Okay. - Okay? Okay. How about 2:00? Great. We'll see you tomorrow. Thank you. How may I help you? Hi. I'm here to see Tyler. [Telephone rings] [Door opens] Hey. Hey, I just thought I'd stop by. Nice. Just give me a minute. Junkie's dream come true, huh? [Chuckles] You don't have to watch this if it makes you squeamish. Oh, I'm fine. Anna could never... I'm sorry. I keep talking about her. Don't be silly. You're thinking about her. It's natural. Thank you. Yeah, she could never watch this. Makes me sad to think about all the things she didn't get to try or do or places she didn't get to go. We were gonna go to India. She wanted to see the Taj Mahal. Every year I'll get older, farther away from her. I'll be 30, 40, 60. She'll always be 28. Yeah, I understand. Like, my parents are cheerful people, like, aggravatingly cheerful people. When my sister died, oddly enough, that didn't change. I didn't even know she was sick until she was hospitalized. And then afterwards, you know, there were whispers behind closed doors, or red eyes at the breakfast table, but my parents never lost their composure. They never doubted that it was all just part of some master plan. And we never even had a funeral for her. We were supposed to just move on and let go of the negativity. [Scoffs] I still think about her in the middle of the night. Like, I see her walking down the street. I never really got to say goodbye, so... My point is that if you, you know, want to go to the cemetery, I'll go with you. That's all I want to say. Thank you. You know, I'd love to see some of your artwork. My artwork? Yeah, from the class you took with Anna. I mean, was it painting, or was it pen and ink, sculpture? What was it? Oh, my artwork, what was it? Um, it was painting. I want to call the school, see if they have anything left of Anna's. I mean, I'd love to have it as a keepsake, you know. You know, what? I actually have some of her stuff that I can just give you. No, I wouldn't dream of taking yours. She gave it to you. I mean, you never know. I'm sure they have something. So, how long have you guys been painting? Oh, gosh. Six years? Ten years, here. Uh-huh. So, you know, if I wanted to take a crash course in painting, what would you recommend? Wait? You want to paint? You do tiny, perfect dioramas, but you can't even draw a stick figure? - It's easy. - It is? It is? You paint the masterworks. Just like "Mona Lisa." Or "The Dancers" or... or "Starry Night" or whatever style you like, and then you learn from the masters in that field. I could do that. You're a painter? Yeah, apparently. [Register beeps] $436. Okay. [Sighs] Uh, no, sister... that's not going in my living room. [Sighs] All right, the bathroom. All right. [Sighs] Tyler, I... I have something I have to tell you. [Indistinct conversations] How can I love the one man that I can never have? I have tried everything to forget him... to dull my pain. The mere thought of him just undoes me. I know I can't... I can't have my one true love, and my only choice is to die. [Sobbing] [Laughing] It was beautiful. Oh, the actors were great. And the sets... the sets were very first class. I love them. I absolutely lov... Shh. You know what? Tonight was so great, which makes this even harder to say. [Cell phone rings] - Can you not get that? - I won't. I'll just screen it. Hold on one second. Hey. Hi. M-Marissa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey. Calm down. Marissa, hey, you don't mean that. Listen to me. Listen to me. You just have to go to the safe-depos... [Cell phone beeps] Never mind, Marissa. She hung up. - What was that about? - Nothing. [Sighs] You know what? Anna was your friend. You have a right to know. What am I talking about? Actually... I'm sorry, what were you saying? She thinks I killed Anna. What? That's ridiculous. I mean, you could never... I know. I knew there was something I didn't like about that guy. What can you tell me about him? Did you see anything suspicious in his house? I've actually never been to his house. Well, obviously you need to stop seeing him. Anna's sister's sick with grief. I saw her. She's not well. The suspicion thing's nothing. I can't believe you're dating a murder suspect over me. [Laughs] Shane, you and I... I'm going to a morticians' conference next month and we could never in beautiful downtown Cleveland. We're more like... I don't know why we never get Miami, or like friends. ...Las Vegas. I'd even settle for Philadelphia. [Sighs] Yeah, Philadelphia would be nice. What the hell are you wearing, anyway? [Chuckles] Oh. [Sobbing] [Knock on door] - Hi. - Hi. What's going on, hmm? Mm. I understand it, you know? I understand Marissa. She just... needs someone to blame. For me, it was my sister's doctors. I mean, you can't be hurt by it, because it just helps her to believe that. I know. What's that? - Open it up and see. - Hmm. [Gasps] Oh, my God. I was gonna take you to hear some Texas music tonight. I didn't think you'd have the right shoes. But we don't have to go. No, no, I want to go. Let me change. I'll be a minute. Thank you. You're welcome. % % I'm gonna steal Willie Nelson's hat % % % % Well % % % % I'm a Lone Star fool % % % % Ooh % % % % I'm a Lone Star fool % % % % In the heart of Texas % % % % Dear Lord, I'm a Lone Star fool % % % % In the heart of Texas % % % % Dear Lord, I'm a Lone Star fool % % % % I'm a Lone Star fool % % % % I'm a Lone Star fool % % % % I'm a Lone Star fool % % % % I'm a Lone Star fool % % [Chuckles] [Sighs] My God, you look gorgeous. [The Mother Truckers' "Dynamite" plays] I'm gonna get some drinks. What do you want? Heineken. I know you want to talk. I'll be right back. % % I've got a pack of matches % % % % And there ain't a thing That you can do % % % % You'll never see it coming % % % % 'Till the fire's up inside of you % % % % Oh, yeah % % Hey. Oh. - Salud. - Cheers. % % It just depends on when The feeling's right % % I just saw that guy. What? You know, the guy. - I just saw... - I can't hear what you're saying. Maybe that's good, because there's some things that I haven't been able to say otherwise. I-I've lied. What are you... what are you saying? % % How I feel inside % % You're a great dancer! Let's go back out there. % % It could be day, it could be night % % Mm, I had the best time. - Wait, I have a question. - What? Why is it always Texas this and Texas that with you guys? What about North Dakota music or Iowa music or something? Well, I, for one, am very grateful for that fact, because I don't want to go to a North Dakota music festival. [Chuckles] But seriously, though, I'm so glad you came. I got to share one of my favorite watering holes with you. My grandmother, she was born and raised in Lubbock. She used to say to me... she'd always say, "You ain't never gonna love a place other than Texas, and you ain't never gonna love anyone who ain't a Texan." But she was wrong. California's so pretty. Places are places. But I'm in love with you. Babe, there's no pressure. Don't say anything. I'm just telling you how I feel. No, I do. I love you. I... CARYS: It's a modern-day "Antony and Cleopatra." Our sets are gonna reflect the lovers' inner emotional state. It's big and bold and passionate. Interesting. Wow. It's beautiful. Thanks. - Hi. - Hey. What's going on? How come we never go to your place? That's easy. It's a mess. Yours is much nicer. I don't mind a mess. Come on, let's eat. Garlic. [Chuckles] Oh, my. Is that one of yours? Yes. It's... Really awful. It is. Can I have one for my office? Oh, that reminds me. I need a pen. [Drawer opens] Ow! Ow! What are you doing? ! Babe, give me my hand. Sorry. The pens are in here. You're very protective of your office supplies. Honey, I'm a vet. I have to operate with this hand. If you can call it a hand now. It's more like a club. [Soft music plays] I'm sorry. [Doorbell rings] Don't stop. [Doorbell rings] Mm. [Pounding on door] Don't stop. [Doorbell ringing, knocking on door] [Doorbell ringing] [Knocking on door continues] Who's knocking on your door this late at night? Is there something I should know? There's a lot you should know. Mm. Carys Reitman? - Yeah. - I'm Detective Grayson. This is Detective Daniels. Mr. Cormier, hello, again. Hello. Do you guys mind if we come inside? I mean, couldn't this wait until the morning? Okay, come in, then. [Sighs] Miss Reitman, we have questions about Anna Williams' death. Now, we've already spoken with Tyler here. We're hoping that you might give us any additional information. I doubt I could be of any help. Yeah, 'cause according to, uh, Tyler, you were very good friends with Anna. I mean, we weren't best friends or anything. We took, um, a class together. You know, we were friends, and we had a common interest in... in art, and that was the extent of it. Did she ever express any concern for her safety? CARYS: Her safety? Specifically, did she ever mention being afraid of anyone? Did she worry that her money could have made her a target for someone unscrupulous? CARYS: No. Did you ever see her take drugs? Did she seem to have a substance abuse problem? No, I... I don't... I don't know. Like I said, I wasn't a confidante. It's kind of funny that you'd end up dating your friend's fiancé. How long have you and Tyler here been together? You know, we're not doing anything wrong, and I don't like the tone of your questions. Maybe we can take you down to the station house and ask you questions there. - We can do that, right? - Yeah, that's a great idea. - What did you say? - Take me. You come down and see us when you're alone. We'll see ourselves out. They came by last week. I guess it's never a good time to say that you're officially a suspect in your fiancée's death. That's ridiculous. You were very good, though... very forceful. I'm not gonna get pushed around by a beat cop. You sound like a hardened criminal. Well, you know, I have some traffic tickets and shoplifted as a teenager. I jaywalk. You're a dangerous woman. I told you there's things you don't know about me. I need to talk to you. You didn't know Anna, did you? You never even met her. How did you know? My sister didn't know Matisse from Mickey Mouse. [Sighs] Believe me, this is all a really big misunderstanding. It's more than a misunderstanding. But thank God you know, because I... Save it. I hired a private investigator because my parents didn't believe me. He's seen you and Tyler everywhere together. How long you been plotting this? Wait, what? Did she find out? I-I don't... Is that why you had to kill her? Kill her? Oh, my God. You've got this all wrong. - I have not... - I don't think so. Anna was acting strange before she died. Different. She seemed scared all the time, low energy, depressed. It's because she knew about you, wasn't it? I met Tyler at Anna's funeral. You have the wrong idea about all this. Right, and you've fallen in love in six weeks. My sister and I were best friends. We talked all the time. And then she started... changing. The last thing I heard from her, she was going away for the weekend with Tyler. And the next thing I knew, she was dead. Who killed her? Did you do it? Did he? There's no point in lying anymore. Marissa, this is crazy. I think you should go. Well, you're going down one way or another. Watch your back. You could be next. Okay, let me get this straight. [Sighs] You're dating a murderer. Now the dead girl's family is convinced that you helped bump her off. It's not funny. No, actually, as a matter of fact, it's not funny. Have you seriously considered the fact that your life could be in danger? Stop. You don't even know Tyler. It's not possible. I can't leave you right now. I'm afraid when I come back, you're either gonna be dead or serving a life sentence. Very funny. Look, you should just come with me to the conference. You know, I hear Cleveland is supposed to be mildly interesting. Look, this whole thing has just been blown out of proportion. The fact that Tyler and I are even together is what makes him seem guilty. That's all it is. I mean, no one even believes that we met at the funeral. You should follow him. I'm not gonna follow him. Yes. You should follow him for a couple hours. If there's nothing wrong, just put it all behind you. [Sighs] Okay, I put the whole thing behind me. Now I don't have to follow him. Well, at least promise me you'll pay attention to the patterns, okay, because serial killers follow them. [Chuckles] So, now, what's the last thing he did with Anna? Um... Well, Marissa said they went out of town together. So, you don't leave the city limits. And just to play it safe, don't do anything to make him angry. And whatever you do, don't tell him about the ring in the throes of a confessional urge. Jesus Christ, you've gone this long. This whole thing is ridiculous. Look, I just don't want to be the one to put the final makeup on you. [Gasps] [Doors close, engine revs] MAN: Spare some change? - Here. - Thanks. [Engine turns over] [Engine revs, tires screech] Shit. [Cell phone rings] [Gasps] Hello? TYLER: It's so hard to hear you. Are you whispering? Yeah, my throat hurts, so I'm saving it... my voice. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Where are you? Where do you think I am? I'm working. At the clinic? That's where I work, babe. Hey, when can I see you? I don't know. I think I may be getting sick. You know, I think I heard something outside. Can... can you hold on a sec? Oh, fuck. [Telephone dialing] [Ringing] Good afternoon. Detective Grayson. Hello? [Telephone beeps] LILA: Go away. Are you hearing-impaired? Have you ever dated somebody and it just wasn't quite right? Is there any other way? Okay, I mean, say that you thought something specific was wrong, like you were, um you know, jealous. You're jealous? Is he cheating on you? No, Tyler's not cheating on me. I just... I... I needed some dating advice, and... and you've slept with so many people that I just... I mean, you've dated so many people that I just thought that if anyone should know, you would know. He is cheating on you. He's a dog. No, he's not a dog. I just... how do you know that you can trust someone? Don't trust him. Don't believe a word he says. That is the first rule. Now, do you have any evidence of his misdeeds, or is it just a general feeling? I don't know what to do. Do you know the girl? I mean, how do you know that you can really believe someone? Believe the worst. Okay, this isn't working. I should say not. Poor girl. Let me know if you catch him in bed with her or something. Glad I could brighten your day. I don't even need this anymore. Hi. How are you feeling? You don't look sick. I'm not sick. And you weren't at the office the other day when you called. How do you know? Where were you? Are you following me? I was jealous. You don't seem like the jealous type. What were you doing at your house? There's a drug that we use for surgery and it expires and our supply levels have been a little bit off, so I'm worried that someone in the office has sticky fingers, and it's a very dangerous drug, so I decided to take it home until Biohazard can pick it up at the end of the month. So, why did you lie to me? I was screwing with you. I could see you in my yard. What? Yeah, babe, you're not exactly a ninja. I saw you, and I called you. When I came out, you were gone. And then you wouldn't take any of my calls. Wait, but what's with your house? It's so not a mess. Babe, that was my house with Anna. I mean, we were gonna get married in the backyard. I mean, I'm gonna sell that house, but until I do, I want to keep it as something of hers. And then, maybe... maybe you and I could... get a place, start fresh. Oh. Of course. I missed you. Missed you, too. Mm. Mm. Mm, good. I have a surprise. - Surprise? - Mm-hmm. We are going to Santa Barbara right now. Oh! Oh. You know, I... I really can't. It's beautiful. It's romantic. It's secluded. It's the perfect place to go for a weekend. You know, I really have a lot of work stuff to do, so I... Do it on work time. Don't you want to come away with me? I do, but you know what? Right now is just not the right time. [Sighs] All right. If you're sure. I'll call you later, okay? I don't think you should worry about it. Worry about what? Not going away with him. I mean, let's face it. You're not the kind of girl who ends up with the guy. You're gonna get exactly what you deserve. You're gonna end up utterly and completely alone. You'll die alone. And knowing you, that's probably just the way that you want it. Tyler, wait! Tyler! CARYS: It's so beautiful out here. TYLER: I know, isn't it? Go inside. I'll get our bags. [Cell phone rings] Hey. SHANE: I have good news. - What is it? - They're exhuming the body. What? Yeah, they're doing an autopsy. The cops came in with a court order. There's some new piece of evidence or something, so they're actually digging her up. How is that good news? Now you can return the ring. I'm kidding. Hello? Do you think he knew about the exhumation, that it was happening this weekend? I don't know if he knew about the... - [Door opens] - [Cell phone beeps] [Sighs] [Chuckles] We are finally here. And we're not going anywhere for three whole days. Oh. [Cell phone rings] You want to get that? Nah. Mm. Let me get us some wine, okay? Okay. [Cell phone beeps] TYLER: I have something I want to talk to you about. [Gasps] He found the ring. Everything okay in there? Fine. Perfect. Hey, what are you doing in there? Nothing really... just, you know, unpacking a few things. Remember when I said I wanted to talk to you about something? You know, I'm actually not really into threesomes. Actually, that's not it. Role playing? Light bondage? All right, all right, you're not in the mood for serious conversation. [Cell phone beeps] Yes. Hope you're hungry. Now can we talk? You know what we could use? Some more firewood. Some more firewood? I mean, are you planning on building a second story? I just think a great big fire would be so romantic. [Chuckles] [Cell phone beeps] You ready for that fire? You know, I-I'm feeling a little sleepy. Maybe tomorrow. [Sighs] [Cell phone vibrates] [Vibrating continues] [Whispering]: Hello? SHANE: Why did you hang up on me? Are you with him? Yes. What's happened? Anna was killed with sodium pentobarbital. It's the drug they use to put down dogs. [Gasps] Hello? Hello? Hey. Are you okay? Shh. One second. You all right? That's what I saw. That's what he put in his safe. TYLER: Carys, you okay? Fine! I'll be back in a second! Listen to me. It wasn't an accident. [Knock on door] Carys. She was drugged before she got in that car. TYLER: What... what are you doing? Who is that? I'm great! Uh, just go back to bed, babe. Where are you? [Knocking on door] What's going on in there? - Where are you? - I don't know! [Whispering]: I don't know. I don't know. Somewhere off the 101, like exit 140 in, like, a little cabin. Okay. Okay. Uh, I'm calling the cops right now. TYLER: Carys. Just... I don't know, act natural, okay? Okay. No problem. No problem. - Carys... - [Cell phone beeps] [Sighs] Who was that? Lila. At 4:00 A. M? She's having guy problems. She's a bit of a slut. Come on. Come back to bed. You know, I'm not really feeling that tired anymore. You go, and I'll come in a minute. [Sighs] Come on. Okay. Hey. What's wrong? You look stressed. Why did you bring me here? Sugar, it's the middle of the night. I'm exhausted. Let's talk about this tomorrow, okay? [Smooches] [Whispering]: Come on, come on, come on. TYLER: There you are! I've been looking all over for you. I went on a walk. [Sighs] It's so great up here. Yeah. [Carys sighs] Maybe we should be heading home? We just got here. So, where are we exactly? I know. It's pretty tucked away, isn't it? Mm. Ready to go back? Yeah. You're gonna love this. What are you looking for? You seem so distant. Nobody. Nothing. It's getting dark. Well, we've got it covered. What's wrong? It's so beautiful. I don't know why you bothered. Come on. You know why. Yeah, I know why, and I deserve it. I just never thought you would be so cruel. Cruel? You think this is cruel? Oh, my God. [Panting] Carys! Carys! Carys! Where are you going? ! Come on! Just stop! What's wrong with you? I don't know how or when you figured it out, but I can't say I'm not a bit disappointed. Now, can we just go back to the cabin? Come on, let's go. Oh, my God. You're unbelievable. I've known something about you for a little while now. How long? Long enough. Practically since we met. Why didn't you just say something? Call me old-fashioned, but I just don't think that's the way things should be done. I mean, I like a little suspense, don't you? I know this isn't gonna change anything, but will you at least let me explain? There's nothing to explain. I've known this for a while. - I never meant to hurt you. - Ever since I met you, I knew. - That was before I knew you. - I knew you were the one. I mean, sure, you don't make it easy. You're the first person to make me feel normal. You're the only person I've ever felt this way about, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I never knew Anna, and I'm sorry I stole her ring. Will you marry me? [Gasps] What? Y-you didn't know her? I mean, what... what do you mean, you didn't know her? Like, you never met her? No. But I went to the funeral before I knew you, and then... and then I had to lie because I... I felt a connection to you. Yeah, but we talked about her every day. You were lying the whole time? Like, all that was a... all that was a lie? No, not all of it. You had her ring? But you know that! You have it! This? This? ! I bought this for you. I can't... can't believe you... You lied about everything. I'm sorry. Please. I'm sorry. [Sobbing] - Let her go! - Let the girl go! You're under arrest for the murder of Anna Williams and the attempted murder of Carys Reitman. No, I don't think he was trying to kill me. You don't think I was trying to kill you? Cops in L.A. Got a tip. They found the drugs used to kill Anna Williams in your safe. You weaseled your way into the funeral. You lied to me and her family. You stole her ring. I stole her ring. [Telephone rings] WOMAN: Sheriff's Department. [Police radio chatter] Tyler, please talk to me. Oh, please, please. Oh, please. How could you think I killed her? You think I could kill anyone? I don't know. I just... you were so perfect. I didn't think that could happen to me. I know you hate me, just let me tell you my side of the story, okay? [Footsteps approach] This way. Hey. Hi. God, why didn't you tell us? Anna wanted to be the one. I couldn't look at her safe-deposit box before, but when I heard about the cancer, I went. I read her note. Good. I was hoping you'd go sooner rather than later... like before I got the death penalty. No, she explained how great you were to her, how amazing. You were the only person who knew. It was a really private thing to her. I can't believe everything we've put you through. If we'd had any idea she was sick... TYLER: I'm sorry you had to be the one. She didn't want your parents to find out that way. No, of course. Of course. God, they're so religious. Just tell me she didn't suffer. She begged me to do it, and I was horrified. She was in so much pain. I finally realized it was the right thing to do. So when she was ready, we had a great day last dinner together. I drove her car to the canyon. She took the tranquilizers. She died in my arms. I slid the car off the edge so that the way she really died would be her own secret. Thank you. You risked your life to preserve her memory. That's what she wanted me to do. I... I gave the cops her suicide note. I told them you had nothing to do with it. So, um... Sir. Sir. Tyler, please. Tyler, wait. I apologize for the inconvenience. I'll have a driver take you back. No, thank you. I'm good. How much to bail her out? You want to bail her out? - TYLER: How much? - WOMAN: $800. - MARISSA: Don't even think about it. - It's okay. Pay the clerk. Just do me a favor. Don't let her out until I'm gone. Thank you. [Sobbing] [Sighs] Hey. Hey. Come on. I'll take you home. [Knocking on door] [Sighs] I, uh, brought you some cookies... your favorites. So, why did you come over? Oh, when I called, you wouldn't come to the phone. I spoke to your roommate, and it sounded like you might need me. [Sighs] Daughters do need their mothers occasionally. So, Mom, how come we never go to Sandrine's grave? Sandrine was cremated. Wait, that's not the point. I just... I don't know. I just thought, you know, that we would go to her grave and... and pull weeds and sit around and talk about her and tell stories and laugh and cry and, you know, then we'd understand each other. But we do understand each other. [Sighs] You were a funny child... precocious but serious... with a laser-like focus on the strangest things. [Sighs] You needed a push sometimes just to get out of your own way. When Sandrine died, we knew we'd have to keep you from fixating. And we didn't want that one terrible thing to be the center of your whole life. But it was. Wait. You didn't have a funeral and never talked about her and pretended like everything was okay because of me, to help me? Well, you do what you can, even if it turns out that it wasn't enough. Mom? What is it? Do you have to go? I love you, honey. I would have done anything for you. I still would. Sometimes loving people is all you can do, hmm? [Sniffles] Oh, honey. [Intro to Coby Brown's "Madman" plays] % % I keep dreaming I'm on a plane % % % % I've got a one-way ticket to feeling sane % % % % And I don't know if this thing is gonna land % % % % The flight is long and the ride's been rough % % % % Just when I think I had enough % % % % I have to take much more than I can stand % % % % And the way % % % % That the waves are rolling in % % % % Is the same way % % % % As the way it's always been % % % % Standing at the water's edge % % % % Madman on a window ledge % % % % I'm looking for some way to get back in % % % % I can't wait till I wake up % % % % Wish something could interrupt % % % % The dream for much too long I've lingered in % % % % 'Cause I want so much more than this % % % % All the things I ever missed % % % % I swear to God I'll never miss again % % % % And the way % % % % That the waves are rolling in % % % % It's the same % % % % As the way it's always been % % % % Standing at the water's edge % % % % A madman on a window ledge % % % % I'm looking for some way to get back in % % % % 'Cause in the ocean nothing lasts % % % % And waves will keep on rolling past % % % % Just waiting for the next one to begin % % % % And the way, yes % % % % That the waves are rolling in % % % % It's the same as it's always been % % % % It's the same as it's always been % % % % When you're standing at the water's edge % % % % A madman on a window ledge % % % % I'm looking for some way to get back in % % % % In the ocean nothing lasts % % % % The waves will keep on rolling past % % % % I'm just waiting for the next one to begin % % % % In the ocean nothing lasts % % % % The waves will keep on rolling past % % % % I'm just waiting for the next one to begin % % % % I'm just waiting for the next one to begin % % % % Waiting for the next one to begin % % ---the end--- Subtitles by Kosovitz. It's First time of audio typing, so please be tolerant ;) Golden rings around your head, never show We don't seem like ourselves anymore Never really takes a lot to lose you Make a wish upon a falling star Wished I was who you wished i was Never really takes a lot to lose you I don't have to say a lot to lose you ooh, You don't have to leave the light on ooh Even when I'm coming home You should start Without me Still, I miss you the most when you're here Never really takes a lot to lose you I don't have to say a lot to lose you ohh, Why can't you make over Macy's like all normal girls? You're jumpy. you're back to drinking coffee? No. Change your groove i'm working. Also my suit scrapper me. And again, If you want to grab me, who am I to stop it? Sure, I'll grab it. But probably You will not like. I know you know this, i mustn't have alive girls in the embalming room. You never cared about the rules before. Anyway, I'm practicing. The whole thing of being 'dead' is you do not need to practice. Don't send me out. You'll get me be fired. Your boss does not know the difference between a girl and a crap. Well, let's not test that theory. You know what I'm waiting for? Afraid to ask. Young mother. Newlyweds. - Super emotional family. - No. Can you at least tell me when? Aaah, no. what about a little funeral? Here's an idea Why don't you go rent "Terms of Endearment" or "Steel Magnolias"? I've seen all those. Make DVDs records is like a many depressive recent cries for help and still, no a tear. You will be doing a public service. You make me a whole person. Come on. I need it. I think someone's coming. Here we goes. The door was locked. Yeah, sorry. Wow, she's hot! Never seen a hot girl dead before. - Yes, well, I was just a finishing. - Yes, I see that done here. I think you remember my nephews. Yah. Good to see you guys. - No, no touch the bodies. - Right. Okay boys, this is a loved one a client. Is. Which client, Shane? oh, this is the Carter's daughter. - Right, yeah. - Yeah. Will not catch up? Yes. Okay. I got to say, this is an expert's work, Shane. Thank you. Okay. Let's.. let's go, go boys. - oh, come on! - Why do not we? No, no. It's cold here, ok? Come on. Thank you, Shane. yah. - One more funeral. - No. Go read obituaries, like a normal person. Obituaries are so heartless. You know this families. Just give me one I can gutted the heart. Look ... I appreciate your healthy respect for the funeral business but I am, as always, threaten of the brink of unemployment, and yours visits are not helping. I'm not going to help you, not this time. Absolutely, positively and categorically ... No pain. No hardship. Anna is truly in a better place. I saw Anna in church every Sunday, when she was a girl. This bright light was stopped down in the very primetime of her life by a tragic car accident. She was a charitable person, a devoted daughter, great sister, friend. The day my daughter was born, was the happiest day of my life until the next day ... and day after them. I guess i should tell who Anna really was. Anna was the goofiest girl ever met in my life. The very first time I ever met her she walked up to me in the whole dormitory and kiss on the mouth. She was a lot of things. She was a pinker cheerleader in high school, karaoke bully and college, internet whisky, a net nerd who could not calculate a tip to save a life She was bold and unafraid, Always the first who dance on a party, using bad French when she were in Paris, and loving the people in her life with great abandon. I know that the day won't pass for me without a picture of her love siding smile. And the world is a less worth place with having lost her. oh no. Good that you came. I umm .. I liked what you said. I don't think we've met before. I thought i knew all Anna's Friends. No, we haven't met. - I'm Carys. - Hi - What was that? - I do not know. Did something fall? No, I don't think so. I thought I saw something. Help me to look like? - I don't see anything. - I could swear ... So, you must be a friend of a family. Yes, exactly, i am a friend of a family's. Good friend of family's, we've knowing for years. You must have heard so much shit about me then. No... No I didn't. Tyler. Can be with her parents now. Who are ...? It's ok, it's ok. You're okay. Okay. Tyler, could you give us a moment please? Sure. Okay. Okay. Carys, are you okay? I can't go. - Excuse me? - I think I should stay right here. Well, maybe just a stroll. - Honey ... - Are you okay? Carys? Are you okay? Sorry, I'm fine now. Yes, thank you. - Come on outside. - Okay. Okay. So you're gonna ride to cemetery with the family No. - You know, I had a planned ... - You bring your own car? oh Good. I can use a break. Where is it parked? You know what? It's a little far walk, so ... No, the fresh air will make us good. Okay. You were Anna's boyfriend? She never mentioned me? Yes, no, no, no, she did, but in general terms. What 'terms' were those? The usual, that you were sweet and romantic and she loved you ... And you had a really, really big gun. Yah. That sounds like her She used to think that things were bigger in Texas. You don't sound that you're from Texas. Austin. Sound like "Com you going" there, you know? I suppose so. - Where is your car? - Right here. Wasn't that far. I need to see Anna. Please, i need to see her again. Mary, i' m sorry. Where's your ring? Where's your ring? - Where is the ring? - What? The engagement ring is missing. Oh my goodness, that gorgeous ring. - Where's your ring? - What's going on? Her ring. Her Engagement ring is not on her hand. you'd better talk to them right now. These funeral guys, they are all crocks. She's poor bride. Can you imagine? Losing Anna and now this? Poor fiancée nothing. Do not tell me you didn't hear that rumors like that happened? What happened? - Where is the ring? - What ring? She was with a ring engagement when she came in. We will look on our list possessions , but she had to be with any jewelry she was brought with. Well, this is the thing. She doesn't have all jewelry she was brought in. We will be happy to look at this with you, at the funeral home, after the service. - Better believe it. - Okay. Can you do me a favor and come in with me? You know, it won't take not a minute. You know what? I really have to be in home. I know, I know. I'm Sorry. But I have to get ring back. Tyler, I can explain. It was an accident. I. .. - Good - I sin so... There's something in my eye! Are you okay? Yes, I'm fine, fine, I'm totally fine. Just needed to get... I'll meet you there in a second. - Okay. - Okay. You know, this never happened. The ring is on the list, But for some reason... - Well, we'll come and see. - Let's go and see. - Hi - Hi Sorry. You got a minute? Let me ask you something. I pay fees. You are quick, In more ways than one. Name is Varnez. Just the person I was looking for. Sorry, not interested. Let's go, please. Don't you know who he is? Don't think I can handle More surprises this evening. Irving was all concerned, Reviewed his records, Said the ring was locked And don't know what happened. Criminal. Well, maybe He is telling the truth. She loved that ring, More than she loved me. She never took it off. I brought it with her. I knew he was on his hand. Man... You were... With her when she died? I'm sorry. That must have been terrible. I'm a little bit patched. Thirsty? Let's just drop over Brief conversation for a second. Do you have any pets? I have a high schroom roommate with an eating disorder. Does that count? Maybe. How about you? I have a short pornly dog out of Question of his position. - Terrier? - French Bulldog. I wanted a Scottish terrier, But never had any pets. This is crazy. We have laws against it in Texas. Every kid must have a dog. where you grew up, anyway? San Diego. There is load of moving space there. Lots of gard's. Well, my parents just thought it would be 'untidy'. Well, that's for sure, why can't wear anything for more than 10 minutes. Coz his ex lovers breaks all over and will put your dirty paws on wear, And it getting worst these days, he gets excited and bites all over. It's obscene. Do you see your parents? often? Well... the truth is no. I've hardly ever seen them. I've never see them. It is too touchy subject to talk with a stranger, isn't it? Of course, we are strangers. Tyler Cormier. Carys Reitman. You know, I... I never heard a word about you from Anna, not whisper. You know? About that, I... No, it's okay. I mean me and Anna We both had our secrets. I just ... I think you must be one of hers. It's getting late. I thought I were out of city with ... What's his name? We broke up. Typical. Do I scare you? No. I've struggled more than that. Nice black dress. Funerals again, huh? You'll never gonna feel anything. You are broken inside. Get over it. We are roommates it's only out of obligation, my personal life is not one of your businesses? - Cool. - Puritan. - Vampire. - Highlen. I'm completely hung over. "hair the dog", bro. "hair the dog". = Alcohol = hangover cure that Hi, Carys. Good morning. Hey. So how are we doing? Good. We have a done of dress next week. Had a good weekend? yes, It was great. I think, We were rehearsing the final scene. You know your favorite scene? The tragic broken heart, dead soul, killing ending? Please tell me you were careful by coming in. Like a ninja. You know, now that my boss thinks you're a corpse, we'll probably have to find another place to hang out. Heard about that funeral yesterday? Probably I shouldn't have gone. There has been an accident. What do you mean by? 'An accident'? I was leaning over her, Anna e... she just reminded me of... I held her hands and her... No. - Ring just... - Don't say more. - ...slipped off in my hand. - Have you lost your mind? Her hedged man boyfriend came in here and threatened taking us to Court until we're so broke that we end up burying our clients in scum sacs. You don't understand is not his fault. It's mine fault. Exactly. And now I'm gonna fired because of it. Why? You've doing nothing wrong. I am the reason you're there, trust passing at the funeral. We are so happy that there has stolen some expensive jewellery. Calm down. I thought we can just return the ring. - Return the ring? - Yeah. Just give back to her. Back to Anna Williams... the dead girl, who were buried yesterday? Yeah, you have got all the equipment. - We could just... - Could do what? Dig it up and put the ring back on her finger? Do you know how much this equipment cost? Could you imagine what would happen? if her family came to visit her and his grave was dig around and you and I were just, happened to give her back the jewelery? That's it! We are going in the middle of the night! Stop talking. Right now. We cannot return the ring to the dead girl. You'll have to get it and give it back to her family or her fiancée or whoever you like and explain yourself. Damn. How am I gonna do that? I can't be just like "upps, Look what I found in my pocket!" I can't just "Find" the ring here. The family will think we're thieves. I know it's strange, but corps robbery in funeral homes, actually do not a lot of business. Ehh, Carys? Hi It's weird that I am here, isn't it? Weird? No. You just stump the door in my face. It's Slipped. How did you find me? I looked up. You have a very unique name. - Can I come in? - In here? Sure. Sorry. oh, have a Sit. Thanks'. You know what? It is good that you're here, actually. It is? There's something I need to tell you. Have you ever had? an unusual hobby? Well, I like embroidery. Okay, let's start over. My sister died young, younger than Anna. oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Thank you. It must have been so hard for you to go the funeral of Anna. I mean, first your sister and then your good friend. That was why you're acting so funny. You know what? About that... Stop. You do not have to explain anything. You helped me yesterday when I needed, I mean, I was so low. I don't know how I would passed the day without you. Tyler, I have to apologize to you. Can I ask you a question? Sure. It's been a terrible week. You know, like a heart itching, not sure how will I do through the week? So if you're going to say anything that will make me feel worse, even if only a little bit worse, I don't think I can take it. Sure. You know, actually, I came to ask you for a favor. - You did? - Another favor. I have to go to Anna's parents for dinner. And I don't think I can face them alone. umm, Dinner, dinner... with Jim and Mary. John and Mary. I call him Jim. It's a nickname. It's a long story. Please Tell me you're going to dinner. I can't. Actually I have quite lot of work. We are building a new set and I'm modeling the entire thing... back, on my computer right now. it's wizzy (? ). I understand. It's... That's funny. I don't even know you, but I feel like the only friend I've got. You know, like the only person who knows what I'm going through? because you loved her too. I wish I could... I would if I could... Go to their home with you. No, I ... I understand... Anyway, probably going to be miserable anyway. Yeah. No, I mean... Do you Mind if I use your bathroom before I go? No, the bathroom is right there. Tyler, wait! My, my room is a mess. Don't clean up because of me. So I guess, I think it's just to say "adios" This is probably the last time we see each other. Yeah. I guess so. Thank you for your help yesterday. It was a pleasure to meet you. You too. It... You know, maybe I could go to dinner. Here we go. Hi Thanks for coming. Come on in. - Tyler. - Hello You are... Too good. It's so good to see you. Do you need a hand in there? No. Thank you. We saw you at the funeral. I know. It's been while. it's won't be so long next time. How are doing? Trying to cope. Hello, Marissa. How are you? I feel ill. Sorry to hear that. You were at the funeral. How did you know Anna? How did I know Anna? God it's been a while. Well, if it was from college. I was at Brown with my sister. And I would have remembered you, yeah. No, it wasn't in college. Definitely not at college. It was here! Here in LA. We did class together. What sort of class? Art class. Anna was taking an art classes? She never mentioned anything like it. I'm sure she was good. She had an artistic flair. Yes I am sure she was good. Yeah. - You know, I'm just wondering... - Do you have a bathroom I could use? - Yes Direct there. - Thank you. I do not think this is the right time, Marissa. No, ask him. Why should we be embarrassed? He should be embarrassed. Came here with a date. Marissa, calm down. Tyler, you know why we ask you here... I'm pretty sure why. It's uncomfortable to discuss it so early, but we need to talk you about money. Good, because I need talk to you too. Well, it's difficult for us to ask, but we feel that Anna's money should go to her family. I wish it would be that easy, but she left me as executor, and I take this responsibility very seriously. Well, we think it should resign and let us take over. Fuck... What was that? - Oh My God. - Did you hear that noise? What was that? Let's stay focused. Okay, alright, alright. Obviously, Anna thought she was going to be married to you for 50 years before she died but this did not happen. You're not married. You were her boyfriend. Her fiancée. And it became very clear what she wanted. This is the last thing I do for her and I am gonna do it. Anna didn't know about Our financial difficulties. For close family you share a lot of secrets. Who are you? to talk about secrets? I know what you did. Look, you're upset and I understand. I wish there was something I could do. I should probably go. I called the police. We discussed this before. You're tired. Not going through it again. Please Marissa, go for the safety pass. We will when we can take care of our property. No, sir. It has to be Marissa. There you are. We must go. Thank you very much for having this appointment. It was good to see all of you again. That was great, thanks. I'm so sorry. Bringing you here was lack of consider. I mean, I think I put in risk their friendship with him. They put a frosty on you. Do not worry about that. So what the hell happened? there? It... It's complicated, it's just that... But I told you that would be miserable. Yeah, I've waited for the miserable but, you know, I guessed there would be food. Anna was so ambivalent about their money. You know, working for start state public, I think she saw all dock comers of these sites and their ridiculous cash... You know she was. Yeah. You know what she I wanted to do with money. Gosh, I mean, so many ideas. Not really. Skimming. From what she was nuts about? So nuts about. Nuts about, nuts about... She wanted her money was Found for Child Cancer Research. The Children's Found, of course. I just don't see why their parents do not respect that. they're upset. Struggled. And the fact that I bear bad news doesn't help neither. She was very clear about what they wanted from me. You know, I don't see how I could do different. Thank you for coming. I promise, I will never ask you to go to their house again. Thank you for that. You know, it... It's funny, I mean, You and Anna are so different, I'm surprised that you were friends at all. How different? Night and day. I can't believe I kissed you. I can't believe that you spewed afterward. I just bury Anna. Look, it was a mistake. Never talk about it again. - It just happened... - I gotta go. Oh My God. That was really romantic. It looks that he really likes you. Shut up. If you have sex, you will have an ambulance on standby. Always. You look different. You look sad. Lean, but sad. Leave me alone. You're sad. I didn't think you had it in you. Neither do I. Well, it would never work, anyway. The entire thing was based on bold face lie, I mean every word said was untrue. No, I lied to him about reason I was at the funeral. But it was more than that. Anything else was true. oh Really? So he knows where is his lover fiancée's ring? Okay, not everything, but I'm waiting the right time to tell him. I am sure that will take it pretty well. Stop, you're making me feeling the worst. He kissed me and threw up. Do you know what it's like? Unfortunately, I do. I mean, maybe not full vomiting, but, you know, at least a mild reflux. So I was thinking about going to my parents. As going to see them, ever helped you in any way? No. but, I thought, you know, I'm different now, So maybe we can relate each other better. I mean, they are my parents. I advise against it. I know. In the strongest possible terms. Tell me, what are you up to? Your father and I, we really missed you. Well, I've a... sort of, met someone. And, it's you know, brought a lot of stuff. A "romantic someone"? I don't know. oh Sweetheart, that's wonderful! You deserve to be happy. Thank you. Thanks. And you've known for long? No. What I want to tell... How did you meet him? It's a long story. What I'm trying talk to you about is... What is he like? Mom, I'm trying to talk to you. Well, we're talking. Do You ever think about her? About Whom? Mom, do you ever think about her? Would you like some tea? I think I'll have some. No, I don't need any tea. I suppose nobody really "needs" tea, Mom, just forget the tea. what about juice? It would be very good for your skin. Mom, look at me. You know what would be nice? Some cookies. Cookies? I heard someone say, "cookies? - Hi, sweetie. - Hi, Dad. "Hi,it'sShane.you may Call." "Carys,isTyler. Mypornlydogand Iwill be in your neighborhood tommorow bynocoincidenceorwhatever andi wonderedto seeyou when we stop by. Canyouringback? My number is ..." "Carys,isTyler. MypornlyandI..." Does he match? Needn't to. But I do. I was thinking a lot about Anna's ring. I Really don't know what to do about it. Do a press charges? Do a sue? You know what I think would just be great? "Karmically" speaking, You know, just let it go. It's gonna come back to you. What do you mean? the ring or karma? Both. Because, you know, the wheel of life is... Turning. Soon I will go back to her grave. Yeah, I mean, it takes people a while. Not that I am an expert or anything. God, the ending was... so terrible. The very end? As I leaned to kiss you was really very strange, but... there was a part in me that I feel happy to be free, to be about to kiss you. And I felt guilty. And I got sick. Terrible. Terrible thing to say. Can you give me the same way? Wait, we're in Lila's room. Damn. Are you okay? Yeah. There they are. We get it looked like this? Well... I've only noticed when it fell in pieces. Okay, let's take this one. This one? - Are you sure? - Yes. Firm? Okay. Let's get it. What the fuck happened to my "thinning mirror"? you'd better sleep with eyes open! If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. I know no sneak. But I didn't sneaked. I Walked boldly and forth, really. I didn't sneak. And no-one saw you come in? No one whose story would be believed. Wonderful. What is it? What is' what? What is you are obviously dying to tell me. Tyler and I... At what point we developed this kind of straight talking open relationship? I think this is it. What? You know it. No, actually I don't now, what it is... Don't make me say it. I'll do it better. I beg you do not to say it. I think... I think I am in... Okay, that's enough. Have you even told him the truth yet? I don't think it matters anymore. Really? Well, if he's never felt this way to anybody and if he is opened up to a whole world of feelings for me, than it doesn't matter - we will get through this mess-up? "a Mess-up" is saying it a little softly, don't you think? It's a bit more 'noodled', I guess. A bit 'noodled'? Yeah, I can see how you see it, know, "a little noodled," compared with the actual events. You have to be honest with him. When he says, he loves you", that's it. There is no going back for it. That can't be just like that "oh, Sorry, everything I've told you since we first met, is actually a complete lie. " Yeah, you're right. I have to tell him. I am going to tell him. I'll tell him! I need your help. Pardon me? I need your help with... Shopping. Should not just need a walk alone with "We Are Goth" on it? I'm not a Goth. I will buy Jenny's Craig dinners for a week. Six. - Two. - Four. - Done. - I'll get changed. I'm not going in there. This transformation arrived just in time. I don't wanna say that black is always made you look overtired and pasty. But you really need put some color on before eventual passing stage when he face, in fact, all their physical flaws for first time. Ok. Just because you were ruined by slew of angry ex-boyfriends does not make you an expert in dating. You've seen these dating sites... It's about quality, not quantity. Let's go in. Fine Like I said, overtired and pasty. Can I help you find something? Yes, my roommate is looking for a new wardrobe. Hmm, Great boobs, thiny waist, slim hips. We have slew things that looks fantastic on you. Bitch. No, not you. I am sure that you are super nice. I look like a Christmas tree. I think you should get it. No. I have to put the limit somewhere. oh My God. This one? No pink! Buy any model and move on. Can you put it by for me? It's $ 986.43. This change will end pretty expensive proposition for you. I'll give it a 2. A 2? A 2? We're talking about a cult classic here. "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"? Who's afraid of a tomato? The best part was the title. God, I see that we'll have to to continue your cinema education. I think we have to continue with your education. Really? It doesn't sound so bad. Excuse me... What I would not is to vomit right now. She's just mad about the mirror. The mirror. Isn't that guy from the funeral? Hey, hey! Come back here! Wasn't his name Varnez or something? I Don't know. My life is only getting weird and weirder. What's going on? You know, I'll better go home. You don't wanna come in? because, Actually I needed talk to you about some stuff. I know. Let me take fresh air, okay? - Okay. - Okay? Okay. How about 14.00? Great, will see you tomorrow. Thank you. How may I help you? Hi, I'm here to see Tyler. Hi Hi, I'm just stopping by. Nice. Just give me a minute. The junky's dream come true, right? You better don't watch if it makes you ill. I'm fine. Anna could never... I'm Sorry. I keep talking about her. Do not be silly. Thinking about her is natural. Thank you. Yeah. She could never watch this. Makes me sad think of all the things she never has tried, or do... never got to go places. We're talking about India. She wanted to see the Taj Mahal. Every year I get older. Other way from her I have 30, 40, 60. She will always be 28. Yeah, I understand. My parents are cheerful people, like angry type of cheerful people. When my sister died, odd enough, it has not changed. I didn't even know she was sick until she was hospitalized. And afterwards, you know, there were whispers behind closed doors, red Eyes on the table at breakfast, but my parents never lost their composure. Never doubted that everything was part of a Master Plan? Didn't do a funeral for her. We were suppose to move on, leave all the negativity. I still think about her in the middle of the night, as if I saw her walking in the middle of the street. Never really had to say goodbye, so... My point is that, if you, you know... want to go to the cemetery I'll go with you. That's all I wanna say. Thank you. I want to see some your art work. My artwork? yeah, It is the class you did with Anna. Oil painting was that, or ink sculpture or what was it? My artwork. What was it? It was painting. I want to call the school, to see if they have kept anything from Anna's. I wish I had it to keep so you know. You know what? I actually have some her stuff, I can just give you. No, don't even think about it. She gave it to you You never know. I'm sure they have something. How long have you guys do painting? Gosh. Six years? Ten years. Aha, If I wanted to make a rush course in painting, What would you recommend? Wait, you want to paint? You make perfect and little diagrams, I mean, you draw on the dotted line. - It's easy. - it is? it is? You Paint the masterworks. Like Mona Lisa? Or "The Dancers" or "The Starry Night." or whatever you like and learn with the masters in this field. I can do that. You are a painter? Yeah ... Apparently. $ 436.00. Okay. No sister. That's not going to stay in my living room. Alright, the bathroom. Alright. Tyler, hi. T have something I have to tell you. "How can I love the one man that I can never have? " "I've tried everything to forget him, ' "To mollify my pain." "The mere thought of it, it just destroys me. " Knowing that I cannot, I can't have the one, my true love, "And my only choice is to die." It was beautiful. And the actors were great. And the scenery? Were the most important part. I love it. Absolutely the... You know what? The night was so great, This makes this even harder to say. - Can you not get that? - I will not. I only go by... Wait a second. Hi Marissa. Calm down. Marissa, you don't mean that. Listen to me, Listen to me, you just have to go to the bank. Never mind. Marissa. She hung up. - What was that? - Nothing. You know what? Anna was your friend. You have the right to know. - I'm talking about... - Actually, Sorry, what say? She thinks I killed Anna. What? This is ridiculous! I mean, you could never... I know. I knew I had something to not like that guy. What can you say about him? You saw something suspicious in his home? Actually I've never been in his house. Obviously you should stop seeing him. Anna's sister is feeling grief and pain. She is not right. The suspicious is nothing. I do not believe you're dating a murder suspect over me. Shane, you and I... We're going to a mortuary Conference of next month. And we could never... - Beautiful downtown in Cleveland. - We are more like... I don't know because we'll never go to Miami or... - ... like friends. - Las Vegas. Even sell myself to Philadelphia. Yeah, Philadelphia would be nice. Anyway, what the hell are you wearing, anyway? - Hi - Hi What's going on? I understand that, you know? I understand Marissa. She just needs someone to blame. For me, it was my sister's doctors. Not bear of importance So that's why... it helps to believes that. I know. What is that? Open it up and see. oh My God. I'm taking you to listen some Texas music tonight and I don't think you had right shoes. But we don't have to go. No, I wannna go. Let me changed. Will be in minute. Thank you. You're welcome. # Get ready, I'll steal Willie Nelson's hat # Well .. # I am a LoneStar fool # I am a LoneStar fool # In the heart of Texas # Dear Lord, I am a LoneStar fool # In the heart of Texas # Dear Lord, I am a LoneStar fool # I am a LoneStar fool My God, you are gorgeous. I'll get some drinks, what you want? Heineken. Got it. Be right back. # I have a box of matches # And there's nothing you can do # You may not become aware # Of the fire that burns inside you # It may be days, could be night - Cheers - Cheers # It just depends on sentiment to be true I just saw that guy. - What? - You know the guy. I just saw... I can't hear what you say. Maybe it's better because there is something I could not say other way. - I lied. - What are you saying? You're a great dancer! Let's go back out there! I had the best time. - Wait, I have a question. - What? Why to you is, "Texas this, Texas that's"? What about the North Dakota music or Iowa music or something? Well, I am very grateful, because I don't want to go to a Festival of Music of North Dakota. But seriously, I am so glad you came, want to share my favorite ones with you. My grandmother, born and raised in Lubbock, used to tell me, always said, "You will never love a place more than you love Texas, and never love anyone which is not Texan. " But she was wrong. California is so pretty. Places are places, but I'm in love with you. Baby, there's no pressure. Don't say anything. I'm just telling you how I feel. No, I do. I love you. It is a modern date of Antony and Cleopatra. Our scenarios reflect the emotional lovers in the internal state. It's big, bold and passionate. Interesting. Wow, It's beautiful. Thanks. Hi Hi What's going on? Why do we never go to your place? This is easy. It's a mess. Here's much nicer. I do not mind the mess. Come on. Let's eat. Garlic. Oh my... That's one of yours? Yes, it's... even awful. It is. Thanks. Can you give me one for my office? I will remind me. I need a pen. What are you doing? Baby, let my hand! Sorry. The pens are not here. You are very protective off your art class. Honey, I'm a vet. I have to work with that hand! If one can call that 'hand' now. More like a club. Sorry. Don't stop. Don't stop. Who knocks at your door at this time of night? Is there anything I should know? There is much What you should know. Carys Reitman? - Yes. - I'm Detective Grayson. And this is Detective Daniels. Mr. Cormier, hello again. Hello Mind if I come inside? Not only if it can't wait until morning? Ok, come in. Miss Reitman, We have questions about Anna William's death. We've spoken with Tyler. We hope that, perhaps you may, give us some additional information. I doubt I can give you any help. Yes, according to Tyler, you are a very good friend of Anna. We weren't best friends or anything. We took a class together. You know, We were friends and had a common interest in art. And that was the extent of it. She never expressed any concern about her safety? Her safety? Specifically, if she've ever been afraid of anyone. That her money would be targeted to someone unscrupulous. No. Ever see her taking drugs? Does she seem to have drug abuse problem? No. I don't know. Like I said, I wasn't her confidant. It's kinda funny you end up dating yours friend fiancée. How long have you and Tyler have been together? We're not doing anything wrong and I don't like the tone of your questions. Maybe we can take you down to the station and see what the tone of the questions there is. - We can do this, right? - Yes, it's great idea. - What do you say about it? - Take me. You can go and see when you are alone. We go out ourselves. They came to me last week. I think it is never a good time to say you are, officially suspect of yours fiancée death. This is ridiculous. But I came to defend her. Yes, Juan Carlos, you defended her courageously. You fought with the murderer and managed to kill him. Praise God! But you're seriously injured. I saved Ana Maria, I don't care if I die. Forgive me, Ana Maria, what a coward I was. Kiss me... Give me the kiss I hadn't the guts to ask for. He didn't know where he was, or how he got there. It must have been like a dream to him. The last of his dreams. He smiled, leaning his head, and left his passions and place out of this mortal world. And so I, I became a murderer. Police Headquarters? This is Dr. Britel. At house number 503, lies a murderer, waiting for the arrival of justice. Hello...? Hello...? Hello...? Who is this? Subtitled exclusively for Cinemageddon. March 2013. Translation and timing: Spinal Proofed: Antonio We hope you enjoyed. Nothing fishy. This time the lady is faithful. She was very young here, she's changed now of course. She's an elegant society woman Where's she from? She was born in Rovigo. Her father was a professor. They moved to Ferrara when she was ten. Here she is... beautiful woman, too - What's her name? - Paola Molon was her maiden name Paola Molon: Twenty-seven years old Crikey! Her husband's rolling in it. Must own twenty companies. Fontana. Fontana Fabrics. Cotton and all sorts. She looks different here. How she changes! Come in! Leave it there It was these photos that brought Fontana to us He found them a month ago and got jealous They usually come here tearing their hair out in despair, but not him... Calm, quiet, a gentleman! He has this whim to know who he married He doesn't know? They married during the war, in 1943 Took her to the altar two months after they met Now he's curious - After seven years? - After seven years! What she did before, who she knew... Here's one, pity it's cut Why doesn't he ask her? Very clever, Carloni We have to find out her secrets for him So you must go to Ferrara immediately. Today! That's where she went to school. Start there Why not Monday? Milan's playing on Sunday... That reminds me, the football pools! See this? And you'd keep him waiting? Okay. You say start from the school? That's where girls start growing up Mr. Molon's daughter, a young blonde Brunette We get so many girls... What about the registers? The bombings destroyed everything - See that tip? - Nice Been doing tips like that for twenty years A speciality of this high school Ah, our schools... Oh Sir, we need your cast-iron memory I'm sure you remember a student we had - Thanks - My pleasure - Remember Molon? - Paola Molon Right Eight to ten years ago... Pretty girl! Mind what you say, this is her uncle - Nice to meet you - Nice to meet you too I was only going to say she was a lively girl Bright... a bit restive Played light as a feather, never marked the pitch A feather! A real feather! A new boyfriend every month and always the best Ah, a boyfriend a month... Well, at that age... She'd come here with two girlfriends They were inseparable... it was all boys and parties See that portico? The band played there They'd dance, hold treasure hunts... - Well-to-do girls, eh? - Of course Well, sometimes down there on summer nights... What were her friends' names? - Giovanna Carlini was one - Oh, yes, I know her - You mean you knew her - What? - She died, didn't you know? - Oh dear, when? I can't remember exactly I'd like to know You know who can tell you? Matilde Galvani, the other one of the three She didn't turn out well. I think she's having a hard time And Molon? She vanished right after Giovanna died I never saw her again. It was strange the way she left Why strange? Well, I don't know it was so sudden... Excuse me... does Mrs. Galvani live here? You mean Mr. Algardi Is that her husband? You could call him that. There, on the left Mrs. Matilde Galvani - She's out - I need to see her I've come from Naples. May I wait? Of course, come in Waiting is a word I like. We're all waiting I'm Professor Ferri Keep it on, it's freezing in here Excuse my garb, I was in bed. I get up late, like Petronius Business is bad Take a seat It's terrible in Naples too What can I do for you? I wanted to ask the lady something... about her friend, Paola Molon. Do you know her? Certainly Paola's father was a colleague of mine When he died last year... I remember I had some beautiful letters of his A kind of spiritual testament His daughter might like them, if I can find her She couldn't care less, believe me You're wasting your time She lives in Milan. Her husband's loaded with money... fabrics, cottons and other foolish things invented by the Chinese Miss Molon, now Mrs. Fontana, has had it good I gather you're not on very good terms with her People who are lucky don't deserve it Does a fortune ever fall into a hungry man's mouth? With the football pools sometimes... Did she have any boyfriends here in Ferrara? A lot. Only one was serious, as far as I know I think I did hear something about a great love That's the fate of secrets! Even you, from Naples, know about it So, it was a secret? Love at first sight He was engaged to Giovanna, a friend of hers Paola was trying to take him away from her. Nice of her! But she didn't succeed. Two days before the wedding, Giovanna died How come Paola didn't marry the boy? - Was he from here? - Guido? No, he studied here Good-looking boy. I detest good-looking boys - Where does he live now? - With his sister, I think I never remember addresses. Why should I? To know where a lawyer or a deputy lives? Who cares? Ah, you're here? This is a colleague of Paola's father Paola's father is dead I know, I'm looking for his daughter Why look for her here? You were close friends Close! She was a friend Yes, of course. I was also looking for Miss Carlini... but I heard about the accident - How do you know all this? - I was a friend of her father's Where does Guido fit in? The gentleman mentioned him I can't help you, I've lost touch with Paola Molon In that case I'm sorry I disturbed you Never mind. Good-bye What did you tell him? Nothing that could hurt your reputation Idiot! I mean about Guido I didn't tell him anything. Why should you care about them? I didn't tell him anything. When will you learn to mind your own business? If it's your business, it's mine too... since we go on, God knows why... living under the same roof DEAR GUIDO... - Good night - Good night Here we are... That conductor's a dream! What a man! - Not jealous, Rocchi? - How can you ask a husband... Speaking of husbands... It's 12:20 The show ended earlier than usual tonight It's not that. You're still in time, by two seconds - To do what? - What a shame! What's the matter with you? I'm twenty-seven, at this very moment I'm so sorry, darling... it's your birthday Forgive me, I've had a hell of a day - What would you like as a gift? - I'll think about it I'm still twenty-six to the others, mind What shall we do now? "Rigoli" is better - Let's drop in at the Little Bar - Yes! Let's go! What do you say, Paola? Let's go home... Sorry, I don't feel like it - But what about the others? - I don't feel well - What excuse can we make? - That I don't feel well Excuse us with the others, Paola's not well - Sure. Good night - Good night I'll call you, Paola - You in a bad mood? - No, I told you, I don't feel well - Hope it's not a migraine - Why not? It reminds me of the play we saw the other night A wife's love for her husband is measured in migraines I don't feel like joking, Enrico I'll go. Did you like the show? - What show? - Tonight's Luciani made me a business proposal - Let's hear it - It involves you He said, I'll buy your wife for 300 million lira Only 300? You know what an Eastern prince would have said? What? You can have my wife for free... then I'll kill you Maybe he would, but a Milanese industrialist, for free...? He'd say, "Give me the money, you can have her... then I'll kill you" He avenges the insult, earns the money and gets rid of his wife You looked great tonight, all eyes were on you As for Rocchi... You know the secret for staying beautiful? Sleep, sleep and more sleep Good night, then Good night - Where's the phone? - In there Hello, is that you? Guido! It's been ages since I heard your voice How come at this late hour? Important for whom? Of course. Tomorrow, if you like I'd like to meet up Wherever you like... No, no, allright I'd come now if I could Really? All right. Goodnight Who taught him to tackle? ! What team are they on? University reserves - Do you play too? - I used to We won the Games in 1938 - What position? - In defence Look at that mix-up! Keeping your distance? I want to look at you How do I look? - You've changed - For the better or worse? Let's go Did you always train like that? - Where are we going? - To the lake Fine, but don't go fast Well, betterorworse? I only caught a glimpse last night You're stunning! How did you get like this? Like what? I don't know... you have class You've changed too... you make compliments now! It's the first time since I've known you One lets oneself go over the years I noticed you were different. Your eyes are darker Everything about you... you're more mature Logical, with what I've been through But let's talk about us... or rather, about you What have you been doing? Are you married? Guido... I'm not criticizing Are you happy at least? You aren't, either Guido, what is it? Read this Dear Guido... a man was here today. He said he was a friend of Paola's father I gather he wanted information about you both Use the tip as you like. But let Paola know in Milan, she's in the directory under Fontana. Matilde? ! The man was about forty, with shity eyes. That's what made me suspicious What does this mean? I was hoping you'd have some idea You still think about it? And you? Guido, they're making inquiries Relax, the whole thing is so vague It's too soon to worry - It's the police! - Of course not Why did you come rushing here then? I was passing through. I was longing for a chance to see you again What shall we do? Nothing, nothing at all We have to see if anyone is nosing around. And we must keep in touch You're staying here I should leave No, you'd better stay I have commitments, I'm a cardealer I'm busy, I can only stay a day or two What if you went to Ferrara and spoke to Matilde? She has few scruples and Ludovico even less Maybe she wants money. They're hard up Have you seen her since? She came here once to see me, I forget about what She was boring, badly dressed. A stranger Then she vanished You could go tomorrow. Tonight even At least we'd know then All right, I will What is it? It feels strange being here together Didn't you think we'd meet again sooner or later? Yes, but... - What? - I thought it'd be different - In what way? - Nothing. I must go now, it's late FALLS DOWN LIFTSHAFT FROM THIRD FLOOR - I've finished, thanks - My pleasure Looking for someone? No, just checking the lift They need the doctor occasionally You're telling me! What with power failures... and being out of order, we always end up walking The main thing is preventing accidents Don't talk about accidents! Why not? I'm in service here, with the Carlinis They had a girl of nineteen, an only child They lost her and that thing's to blame Really? I'm sorry. Were you here? Was I! Goodness... Give me the details, it's better that we know It seems like yesterday I showed them out. They were all in high spirits - Who would have thought... - All who? Miss Giovanna, her fiancé and a friend, Miss Paola Laughing and joking... How did it happen? Nobody really knows - You didn't see it? - No, I'd gone back inside - I heard a thud... - Athud? Then there was a long silence Silence? Didn't they shout or ring the bell? There was nothing, I tell you! I was here, look... Come in, there's no one in Then the voices downstairs... Someone saying, "My God!" I ran out... they were standing there Miss Paola was shaking like a leaf And he... he was looking at her I saw the lift door open, I immediately realized "Why are you standing there?" I said. "She may still be alive!" What did he do? He ran down... she was already dead Poor girl! What about the other one, Miss Paola? I had to bring her in. She started screaming screaming at my young lady's fiancé... to go away, that she never wanted to see him again It was heartbreaking The two girls were very close. Goodness, what a day! I'll give the lift a good lookover What good is that now? A call for you from Ferrara, sir Hello? Just a minute, here he is Yes. You're appointment with... Go ahead I'd like to know exactly when you met your wife In March 1943 I can't remember the exact day. Early in the month Did she mention at the time a certain Giovanna Carlini? Carlini Didn't she mention her friend who had an accident? It's rather strange that you should be asking me She has never mentioned anyone or anything Sorry, I can't help you On the contrary, you've been very helpful. Thank you 2ND MARCH 1943 -ACCIDENT TAKES PLACE 4TH MARCH - PAOLA LEAVES FERRARA 6TH OR 7TH MARCH - PAOLA MEETS FONTANA AND HIDES ACCIDENT FROM HIM - MURDER? I'll be in Milan soon Is something wrong? Goodbye He's still away? What time will he be back? Please ask him to call me immediately He knows... thank you. You will tell him? Bring me some cigarettes Your turn One spade. Sorry, I meant two hearts Okay Two spades Okay - Four spades - Yes - Okay - Okay Where are you going? I'm through anyway - Here you are, ma'am - Bring me a Martini Good girl, say hello to Mrs. Fontana Hello, Mrs. Fontana. What a darling she is! We'll send her to school soon, to the nuns Then she'll travel and learn languages... because we get all sorts of people at our hotel... Filipinos, Indians... they all speak to her... and she must understand them When she's older, we'll find her a nice husband... a Pomeranian with dark eyes like Cary Grant - Luciana phoned me yesterday - She's getting married - What are you giving her? - A gold dressing-case, perhaps She'd prefer something more original. She'd like some homing pigeons O God! With a scroll in a tiny gold case tied to their legs, so they could carry the news around the world Listen, why don't you find them? But transatlantic flights... Come on, an old married couple once in a while... Turn that radio off, please Pigeons, not a bad idea! Must you spoil our bridge? I'm afraid so, I have to go out Take my place, please. I won't be long Momi, you do the honours If you want to know how many stars there are... a rough count has been attempted I'm talking about the visible stars There are less than one would think... 3000, 3500 in all Paola... - Where are you? - Here, come here - He's still in Ferrara - Is he a policeman? - Who knows? Ludovico told him about us - Oh, Guido Then he went to Giovanna's I was right then. He is a policeman What's going to happen? Calm down, I haven't finished At Giovanna's house he met the maid He said he was the lift maintenance man Nonsense, of course, but she told him all about it All about what? - The accident - You see? Maybe we're being followed! Did you check here? Let's go away He's looking at me Because he fancies you ...you will be able to admire the stars over Milan as they would look at midnight if it weren't cloudy It was like those African nights, watching the stars Come on, there's nothing to find out. We're brooding What did we do? Nothing - That's just it - I know But there's no real danger There can't be When can I see you? I really can't stay Are you joking? You can't leave me now! My business... Business, business! You're just like Enrico The comparison is ironic, the way things stand What do you mean? I mean I have no business! I'm looking but I have none I earn the little money I have by chance This trip to Milan to see you and then to Ferrara has cleaned me out! I've been a penniless misfit since the end of the war! You've no money? So what, I have all you want - As if I'd take it! - Why not? Don't be silly. What's a bit of money between us? It isn't money that counts It's out of the question Aren't you handling this for both of us, for me too? No, Paola, don't insist. I'll manage - Just a minute! You're a car dealer, you said? - Yes My husband's giving me one: Some business for you Which cars cost the most? Ferrari, Maserati... You could get him one! Act as the agent Maybe you can make something out of it But how do we fix it? We'll go out one night. Better bring a friend... to do the talking. I'd rather Enrico didn't know you Oh God, there's Rocchi! I'll call you, darling So, what's it about? I have a client who wants a Ferrari or a Maserati That idiot Bottini won't give me one Bottini does his own deals The way you let him down! I make clear-cut deals. If it's a sure thing... no wasting time, cash down and you're not greedy... Anything else? I like you! You never change - Who is she? - A model What would you like? A kiss, if you don't mind Two Martinis then right, let's hear his name - Will Enrico Fontana do? - The hell it will! He's loaded. Leave it to me It's no good you tugging... what is it? Mrs. Fontana often buys from us. I know her She's beautiful - What do I care? - He does Why? I think you like beautiful women Okay, but you're not. It's none of your business Fine, Fontana suits me. He wants a Ferrari or a Maserati? Naturally, what else? But I think I can find one - Is it real gin? - English - Your health! - Not mine? Sure How do we meet Fontana? I'll bring him to some club His wife will introduce you Why not bring him to "Esperia" on Thursday? It's a benefit evening. I'm modelling - Ok? - Ok! I'll call you to confirm. Give me your number "The universe is nothing but love." Foscolo - Who's that? - A guy without a bean Saturday's a good night for you! - Always the same - Why do you put up with it? Maybe I like it. Staying in Milan? That depends On the heart? Why the heart? Look over there Sit here, Paola - Not very nice people - Look at me, not them - What are you having? - A double whisky Don't you ever get tired? Let's sit down A bit longer - Nice little figure! - You think so? Let's finish this one The last one? Last dance, last hour, last kiss Go on, act romantic! Are you being mean too? No, don't worry. Let's go and sit down See that lady over there? She bought that dress from us You walk past and say hello She'll pretend to know you and you'll mention the car But who is she? Mrs. Fontana, of course! I get it! Which one is her husband? She'll introduce you - I'll go then - Hold on a minute - What are we waiting for? - Calm Sorry to leave you at such a time, but duty calls Coming to me of all people with a bogus deal! - She'd agreed, I tell you! - I can see that Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention? Paola, why did you drag us to a place like this? Well, it's not so bad - I like it - I can believe that! Let's see what happens Be quiet! The outfit will be auctioned in aid of warcripples What about the model? Just a minute, the outfit first 120,000 150,000 160,000 170,000 Come on, gentlemen, remember it's for charity 180,000 for the model! And to think she's mine for free... or nearly No digressing. We're at 170,000 No other offers? 200,000 The Maserati looks done for 300,000 My wife's mad Keep it, you can have it I don't get you at times You often don't So explain A whim. Can you explain a whim? What's wrong with you, stupid? We'd agreed! I've been waiting all night The car's outside. I'll look a right fool! I don't get you a deal so you can go with tramps! Wait... Tell your friend to come to me, I'll talk to him. I'm sorry No, I'm sorry... I've been a swine I don't know what got into me. When I saw you with her... I just couldn't help it! - Paola... - Tell me I'll give it to my men How many copies? Tired? Tired of being alone. I've felt alone since then Even tonight, in there, you were far away, I felt lost I love you, I always have As soon as I saw you again, I realized it was still you I could've kissed you there and then, but I didn't What a fool! I was waiting for you without knowing it I've waited foryou for years They're coming back - I don't care - They'll see us! - Don't leave me... - Stop it! You can be dead before you know it in a car like this Did you see that dog? And did you see how it held the road? What a car! 120 Km in third, 170 in fourth Too fast. Unsuitable for a lady Why? I wouldn't rest easy while you were driving it There's no need to go so fast ...I use to go slow Then why do you need a Maserati? I like it. Didn't you promise me a present? We'll think about it. Call me in a few days I'm leaving tomorrow... No hurry. Call me when you get back Goodbye What's your name? Conti Goodbye Don't start, not all deals come off! Mine do! It takes a nose to tell good deals from bad - Cut it out! - After you bamboozled me? ! Who'll give me a Maserati now if I get a client? Damn, it was 200,000 lire! These have arrived, ma'am Let's guess who sent them. Who do you think? Mr. Rocchi sent orchids yesterday Right, it can't be him. Maybe that diplomat I always forget to invite Enrico? ! What day is it today? The Maserati! The keys to the Maserati! Gustavo's outside with a new car Call my husband But it's not the Maserati! Hello? - Your husband... - I've gone out Good morning, ma'am I'll drive myself Mrs. Fontana! Did you run up the stairs? Do you want the manageress? I'll call her - Good morning Mrs. Fontata - Good morning Good of you to come. Won't you take a seat? Paola, dear, how are you? I saw you arrive. What a pretty suit! Leopard-print does wonders for you I see you have a new car It certainly can't be said your husband neglects you I hear you went to "Esperia" a few nights ago Funny, I thought, the Fontanas in a dive like that You must have had fun I never have fun at night clubs True... Too many people... they can see us! Marvellous, don't you think? Horrible! What was the one at "Esperia" like? All that money... Did you really give it away? Have you seen anything you like? No Look at this one. Fringes are all the rage in Paris. Dessé started it and they all followed suit Let me have a look at it We're back to the twenties look Walkaround It only needs the hip length Turn back... You're too young to remember Chanel, was magnificent! This one takes your breath away It needs someone with your figure, of course... You'd look a picture in it I'll take this, send it home Without trying it on? It doesn't matter - You're going? - Yes, goodbye I must see this So uptight... there must be something behind it Funny! Such a rush then she goes on foot Nazionali cigarettes were sold out. I got Giubek Thank you What are you doing? - I thought you were asleep - Come here... I'm looking for matches Sit here close to me Stay close, like this... Oh, throw it away Now the whole place will catch fire Good, we'll die and that's it I don't want to die, I want to live with you Then let's live! Why are you like this? What have I done to you? I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me - You've lost an earring - They're only cheap pearls Cheap! How much, 100,000? I can't remember How are we going to find it in this hole? Are you sure he didn't follow you? I told you. He's probably still watching the car What can he suspect? He has no proof! If you're angry it means you're not sure Sure of what? We only had to lift a finger, say a word... But neither of us did or said anything We didn't do it and you're free You're mine You're here We didn't save her and now we can love each other There's your earring Pick it up Not even emeralds would budge me Guido, I'm so happy Me too The years I've longed to feel like this... Seven years I've always carried you in me without really knowing ...and I got married to someone else. But it was you I wanted, only you... like when Giovanna stood between us - Paola - Tell me darling I think about Giovanna too at times I ask myself, why didn't we save her? It only needed a second or two... But at that moment we wished her dead We really wanted it. I wonder if that's a crime No! We didn't do anything but there was no crime! Yet that's what separated us... Giovanna separated us in life and in death Don't brood about it. I love you, I'm yours! - But you're not! - Why do you say that? There's someone else, like then! We're not happy, Paola. That was a lie We're not happy and we never will be Here's your earring Put it on for me The worst moment has come: It's time to get dressed I'd put it off forever They're going? It's obviously not a Maserati Remember the dog? Yes. Enrico was scared, he told me so It was a close shave It's awful how something sudden can change everything Be quiet! Why? I know what's on your mind - Nothing - You're afraid to tell me! - Will you be quiet? - What's wrong with wishful thinking? You're just too scared to talk about it What are you doing? Are you insane? Why do you want to go? - We can't stay here forever! - Tell me why... Yes, I want to go! - Do you want to leave? - I don't know No, you can't! It doesn't make sense... I know you love me, you can't leave me like this! Guido... You can't, you've no right! Don'tyou see where we're heading? And with that man tailing us, it's no joke! I can't think straight, I'm sorry Your husband phoned, he'll be out for dinner Then Countess Violi... and Mr. Rocchi, of course Why "of course"? He calls nearly every day Silly woman! Leave me alone And bring me an envelope Is that you? Fine ways you have! Thanks for returning my wallet Oh Guido... I knew you wouldn't leave. You couldn't! You know very well why Because it wasn't fair. Tell me you want to see me! Yes, I do... to return the 80,000 lira I found in my wallet It was the only way to keep you here. Forgive me... Is that the only reason you phoned? No... I'd probably have called you anyway I got as far as the station but I couldn't Now I really want to see you When? Thinking about it will make the time pass To think I'd only have to go out into the street... Hold on, that must be Enrico coming back. I'll lock the door. Can you hear me? - Tomorrow - Call me at midday on the dot I've got to go now - What is it? - It's me! Hold on, I was just dropping off... Why did you lock the door? I'm coming, I'm coming! Here, to keep you awake - Are you drunk? - I'm never drunk Just a bit merry. Do you mind? No, but I'm tired I've gained control of the hemp mill... and I beat the taxman too! Fontana's going to get even bigger now. Let's drink to it! Aren't you pleased when I knock people flat? Yes, yes... But can't we talk about it tomorrow? I'm not feeling great tonight Oh, I still have my nylons on! - It's hot... - You're not undressing here? What's so strange? Do you have a migraine? I'm sleepy Just one glass, it'll make you feel better No, night time drinking ruins your skin Why not? Just because Not even if I tell you a secret that concerns you? What secret? Have a sip Well? I've made some enquiries about you Some enquiries? And what did you find out? Want me to tell you? Wait a minute... Why did you come in here? Look, Enrico's car - Did he follow you? - No He must be at Franceschi's office on the corner How stupid of us to meet here! Let's go. You first What if he sees me? Well then? - Are you going up? - No, thanks. First floor What is it? A surprise. It's my husband who's making the enquiries and having me followed - How do you know? - He told me - When? - Yesterday How come? He came into my room. He was a bit merry No, it wasn't like you think So it's him. But why? Jealousy. Some old photos made him curious about my past - What did he find out? - Nothing. He just laughed Why did he have you followed all the way to Milan then? Who knows, but he says he's told them to stop It'll be easier to meet now Well, this jealousy thing... You don't know him What do you mean? What do you mean? He's too selfish to leave me alone I lied to you just now. I had to put up with him last night Since you're here, I can't bear him near me It irritates me the way he goes on like a boss... his voice, his gestures... I hate him! Kiss me... now! But the police have the means... What means? The Force hasn't changed since your day If a suspect escapes in a taxi, we let him go We can't afford to chase him Last year I spent 500 lira out of my own pocket. It took me eight months to get a refund. On our pay, we can't give the State credit What means do the police have? If we have to go to the local gangland, we go. We have our informers, we know where to look But if it's any other area, who goes? We don't have the men. And as for night clubs... where do we get the money to pay a hostess? So what about my man? I looked for him in the hotels, pensions and bars... I did what I could But there are many places where we don't go What do you suggest I do? Wait for a chance, that's the best police method Didn't you say a woman's involved? Follow her Must go now, sorry. Come and see me. Who knows, something may turn up What is it? Is he impatient? No, he's changed his mind. Says drop it if there's nothing You've been digging around for over two weeks But I'm tailing a woman who never walks anywhere! Think of something, it's your job I know. Why complain after what I've put together? It's all theory, not fact. Have you found the boy? No! I'm sure he's in Milan and they're seeing each other Wait a few days, I'll have some news It's simple. There was something then and there must be now Ride a tiger and you can't get off Hurry up with the report on what you know, proved or not. If there's nothing, make it up He's not like those types who want to hear they were wrong... that their wives are angels above suspicion. Not him! Either we drop it or if we go on... I talked him around, see? He's jealous again. We must give him something concrete That's what I'm doing. Trust me - Call me twenty times a day! - Right! Good evening! Good evening, what brings you here? I came to talk to a young man who lives here How kind of you. Let's get out of here What about Valerio? Something wrong? I ditched him - Why? - It was no good They say wives don't count, but... - He's married? - He has a child too A separation, he said. I've been waiting two years He's not in love with his wife, oh no! It was their wedding anniversary the other day. I'd rather not have known, but he said calmly... "We'd better not see each other today" "I'm taking Clara to choose her present" Not even pretence of tact! He didn't think of me, that I could be jealous or hurt Didn't you wonder why I was making up to you? Well, yes I was hoping to shake him into saying, "Hey, what are you playing at?" But it was also to try and breakaway I love him, I don't know why, but I love him I can't bear him betraying me, not even with his wife Especially with his wife. The thought drives me mad Marriage ties are much too strong. No love or passion can hold out Forgive me fortelling you all this It comes natural with you. It's good talking to you, even though you're not married You're not married too, by any chance? - Do you let rooms in this place? - Yes I'm looking for Garroni He's just gone out. He's always out, luckily Give me a soda - Why "luckily"? - I don't like him Give me that soda - You crying? - I'm a bundle of nerves - Something else upset you? - Stop it, Guido. I can't take any more I can't take any more Take your coat off A bit of peace and joy, with nothing to worry about... Wouldn't it be nice? - Let's go away - Where to? I don't know... abroad, to another city And then? We'll be together. I'll work, I'll grow rich - How? - Somehow Why shouldn't I make it? I'll do anything Like what? Make do with rented rooms? - But it's for you - And cheap cigarettes? Do you enjoy humiliating me? Don't get me wrong, I only meant your romanticism Drive isn't enough, you need to have what it takes I'd feel like a new man with you With me, you'd come to a standstill Why? Money is everything in love too We leave, we get somewhere, then what? We come backand it's all over Dear Guido, these things have to be said. Money is stupid. Between you and Enrico, it chooses him He who loves no one, who buys everything... including me! He always knows what to do While you seem so strong but you're weak - You're a dear - So? I don't know. Let me think how it'd be if we were free Don't you ever think, deep down, about what you'd like? Think if he died... Listen, Paola... - I was just saying... - I won't think about it Just think... bang And it's all over! Isn't that easier? You think it's easy to shoot a man? You fought in the war It's all a matter of the right opportunity Just a matter of the right opportunity But with so many people who hate him... Paola! Can't you even take a joke? Hold me, darling! - Haven't seen you for a while - I've had a lot to do recently Don't spoil the party - Don't worry, he'll come - It's all arranged - You actually arranged something? - Everyone's coming to my place tonight The money I spend... - With what it costs you! - You've made up your mind? If she has... It has to be tonight? - Of course - Your board meetings again? No, two Dutchmen at the factory - Bring me a tulip! - Get rid of them Can't, it's too important It must be fun to have so much to do Give me a mushroom sandwich - Is it tasty? - She's tasty! You could join us later Okay, 10:30 to 11 Want me to pick you up? No, I'll think about my Dutchmen on the way We're counting on you! Are you bringing them? God forbid! They're heavy going So it's decided - Shall we go? - Ok I want to invite a crowd Vicky, will you take me tonight? What do the dice say? They say yes Excuse me a minute while I phone the dressmaker Need me to do anything? No... thank you, dear Garroni, please It's me. This is it, let's meet at 4 You see? He has to slow down I'll stand on the bank The car will be ten feet away. Can't miss Yes, can't miss The air smells good here! It's the country already What about those people? There won't be anyone around in two hours' time - Guido - Tell me Are you scared? No, why? Guido, why don'twe forget about it... You said we can't go on like this Yes, but... But? You sounded so sad just now I don't like this idea Don't do it then You know very well I will - For you - For me? The other time was for me too? I couldn't have done it alone It's my fault then Why didn't you say something when you saw the lift wasn't there? You saw it, she didn't! She was looking at us and you kept quiet Was it for me you kept quiet? It suited you too! You killed her! You killed her! Is that what you think when you hold me? I don't Yet you were there too, you kept quiet too And we'll be together tonight too May I? Come in Here's a broth to bring the dead back to life. You'll feel fine tomorrow You're a treasure, Anna If I was at the bottom of a bar... some willing diver would have to bring me up An elderly diver who's easy to please If anyone asks for me, I'm ill Including the Lady of the Camellias? There's a gentleman who... Been waiting long? Over an hour - I'm sorry - I'm used to it Take your time Can you leave me the report? I've finished. I'll be at the agency if you need me Good. Give him 30,000 lira Tell your boss to send me the bill Always at your command What's on tonight? - A party - There must be at least thirty cars The assistant is here... Don't bother me! "... OF GIOVANNA CARLINI'S DEATH. HAVING ASCERTAINED THE INTIMACYY BETWEEN GARRONI AND THE SUBJECT, WE FEEL WE SHOULD SUSPEND THE INVESTIGATION... UNTI LWE RECEIVE FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS FROM YOU." Yes, sir? Oh God... God! Enrico Fontana... Melegani street, 2 Just look at that! - What shall we do? - Call the police Where's the nearest phone? - Good evening - Good evening Does Mr. Enrico Fontana live here? He's out, we're expecting him. His wife's here We must speak to her, call her - Where's Mrs. Fontana? - In her room Call her! She'll be right here They came to arrest me! A jeep... a police jeep! I had to get away. We must get away! Calm down I can't calm down until we're safe! But where... where can we go? Maybe they haven't been to your place How did you do it? Let's go, I have a taxi! Be quiet! Come on! Where are you taking me? It's not my fault Why did they come to me and not to you? - You did it! - Did what? It's his fault he died, do you understand? It's his own fault! He was going flat out, the car swerved and ran off the road He fell into the canal When I got there they had already pulled him out He had a hole in his throat as if he'd been shot And now? And now... Now we can't continue Why not? Can't you sense why? Wait... You'll call me? - Tomorrow morning - As soon as you wake up? Yes... We love each other, don't we? Nothing else matters Tomorrow then? Yes Take me to the station Hey, you. Come on. Let's go. - You're holding up the game! - Sit down and play. Come over here. - Can't play no more. - Sit down. - I'm sick. - What's the matter with you? You can't quit now. Gotta quit. Cold. Cold. I'm sick. You wasn't too sick to walk off the boat and win 190 bucks... the first night you were in the country, was he, Blackie? - You brung him, Poldi. You better tell him. - What's the matter with you? - There'll be trouble, huh? - Sick. Got a headache. Bad. - No. Look... - Look, buddy, Blackie don't like it. - Blackie don't like nobody to walk out of a game. - Ah! I'll talk to him, Blackie. I'll get him back. No, no, no! I want that money. All right. Let's get it. - Need an ambulance? - Not anymore. - Drowned? - Naw, he's shot twice. - Must have crawled on this site. - Recognize him? No, he ain't from around here. Some kind of foreigner. - Foreigner, huh? - Yeah, something like that. - Call the meat wagon, will ya? - All right, folks, let's get moving. Break it up. Let's go. Let's go, now. Hustle up. Hey, Matt, standing in that water ain't good for a cold. What is? - Eddie. - How's it goin', man. The trouble with that boy is he just don't realize the honeymoon is over. So I says, "Man, if you want to sell me a car, you're gonna have to really sell it to me." Then I'm just sittin' back and watching. Yes, sir. That's telling him, boy. You're working too hard again, Jerry. Thank you. Will you be able to make it for lunch? Well, I've got to dig a couple of bullets out of this guy's chest. May take 30 or 40 minutes. Yeah, I guess I can make it. Don't waste any time, 'cause I'm real hungry. Where do you want to go? - I said, where do you want to eat? - I don't know. That place down the street's okay. I kind of like their spaghetti. - Yeah, that's him. - I figured we might try the Rendezvous again. You interested in food or talking to that waitress? Oh, no. You don't pin that on me, Kleber. You're the guy she really went for. Maybe, but I don't know how she ever saw me... the way you kept sticking your elbow in my face. Okay, okay. You win. We'll try the spaghetti. Okay? Hey, Kleber. Okay? Maybe not. This may take a little longer than I thought. - All right. I'll wait for you. - That the foreigner they just brought in, Kleber? Yeah. Better stay away from him. - Got to tag him. - I said, stay away from him. - What's the matter? I've got to tag him. - Look, stay away from him. - Get out. Just stay out. - What's wrong? What's the matter with you? You're holding the brush wrong, Pop. - Oh? - Yeah. And you got too much paint on it. Mm-hmm. - How's that? - Better. - Thank you. - Mr. Redfield says that's the worst thing you can do... to get too much paint on the brush. - Is that right? - Mm-hmm. - Why don't you let me do it for you? Okay. You'd better take it easy, now. You don't want to get paint all over those pants. - Hiya, Tommy. - Hi, Mr. Redfield. - Teaching your pop how to paint? - Sure. - Hello, Doctor. - How are you? - Great boy you have there. - Thank you. Thank you. - See you Saturday, Mr. Redfield. - Sure. Anytime you like. If things get dull, just drop right on over, hear? Bye. - Who's that? - Mr. Redfield. - He's a painter. - Yeah, so I gathered. He lives in the big house down on the corner. You ought to see it, Pop. It's full of all kinds of stuff... and he has electric trains and everything. Must be great. Hey, you know what I think's the matter with this stuff? - What? - It's too thick. - Naw. - It's too thick. Look at it. I'm gonna thin it. Where's the turpentine? Ah. Electric trains yet. Clint? - Clint, telephone. - Not here. - It's Gafney from the office. - Tell him I went to Alaska. He's waiting, Clint. Oh, bosh. - What's your problem? - Pop, can I have a quarter? - What happened to your allowance? - It's for the movies, Pop. - All the kids are going. - Uh-uh. No. - Aw, come on, Pop. - Now, look, old boy. You're supposed to get fifty cents a week. Aw, Pop, money just goes. You know how it is. Yeah, I've got a pretty good idea. Well... Take it. You're a pest. - Thanks, Pop. I knew you would. - Yeah, I knew it too. The first day I've had off in six weeks. I just about get used to it when the phone rings. What am I supposed to be, anyhow? The only one in that office that knows what to do? Tell Gafney. He called, not me. I should have had it disconnected. Paul? I thought I told you I was gonna take the whole day off. Oh? Yeah. What do you mean, there's something funny about him? Yeah? Mmm. Well, all right. I'll come down. Hold everybody there that had any contact with the body in case it is something. No, I'd rather you stayed there. Yeah, I know. It's all right. I'll see you. - Serious? - Oh, it's always a crisis with those boys... when they can't diagnose something. I don't suppose that cleaner remembered to bring back my... Well, what happened to him all of a sudden? Go ahead and change. I'll bring it in. Hey, Mom, isn't lunch ready yet? I'm hungry. Oh. - You and your father! - Yippee! And Al Jerio asked me to go hunting today with him down in the Bayous. I know. I know. What's the rush? Got to meet the kids. We're going to a movie. Movie? What are you planning to use for money? - Oh, I got it. - Nope, I told him, just gonna stay home... lie around all day. Not gonna shave. Just slop around. - Old clothes. Drink a couple... - Aw, Mom! Now what? Take a little nap in the afternoon. Have an early dinner. Just take the whole day off. Relax. You know what I mean? Did you give Tommy a quarter for the movies? Well, uh, yeah. Weren't you the one that decided we'd give him a regular allowance... to teach him about money? - Well, yeah, I did, honey, but you see... - Look. He may be an only child, but I'm not gonna have him act like one. Here. - I gave you the answer to that one two years ago. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I'm getting tired of always being the heavy in the piece. - Okay, okay. - Incidentally, since you're being so free with your money... What? - Holy smoke. The bill from Whitfield's. - Uh-huh. The same one. - What happened to your allowance? - You're kidding, of course. - Forty-two dollars, and I'm fresh out. - Again? Still. And you've been promising to pay it, Clint. It's getting embarrassing. Really. I'm afraid to go down to the store. What, for 42 dollars? Let 'em wait. I never saw the day old Massa Whitfield broke his neck getting anything over here. Forty-two dollars. Listen, one of these days we'll walk into that store and pay cash. One of what days? - Well, one of these days. - Uh-huh. And when one of those oil companies decides they can't lay a pipeline in Arabia... without the services of Dr. Clinton Reed... - All right. - The man with the high forehead and the disposition of an old... Honey? - Hey, Clint. - What? - I like high foreheads. - Yeah, I'll bet you do. Well, it happens. Don't think it doesn't. They've taken a lot of guys from the department. Bill Mosely works for an industrial chemical company. I know they have, honey. Well, it could happen to me too. Just like having that other baby. One of these days, huh? You're a fresh dame. Pretty, though, hmm? You just about get by. I got to get out of here. - Hey. - What? Try and get in early if you can, won't you? Yeah, I'll try. - Honey? - Mm-hmm? Why don't you let Tommy have this quarter? Why don't you get out of here? - Bye. - Bye. - She took the quarter. - Yeah. Well, that's life, huh, sport? - Well, I got to get to work. - Tommy, dear. Don't sit through it more than twice, will you, dear? What do you make of that tissue, Ben? I don't know, but I don't like it. This one's a specimen of his sputum, and here's one of the bullets Kleber recovered. Oh, yeah. Let me see that slide. It's practically pure culture. - Get 'em away from that body. - Okay, fellas. That's all. Let's go. Just wait outside for a minute, will you, fellas, with the others? - Any way to pull these shades? - Sure, Doc. - Can you get this man cremated? - Well, I suppose I can. I don't want any supposing, Ben. I want him cremated right now. Set it up, will you? - Oh, Kleber. - Yes, sir. I want everything that's touched him burned or sterilized. Do you understand me? Sure, Doc. Paul, get those slides into a sterilizer right away, will you? Right. Oh, say... - they sent over the serum and the streptomycin. - Good. Hey, Kleber, what's going on around here? - Is there any report on who killed this man, Sergeant? - No. - Any leads? - No, sir. I don't think so. Well, do you know or don't you? This is important. - Well, sure, Doc. - Has anyone been able to identify the body? No, sir. Nobody. We sent the fingerprints off to the F.B. I... but we haven't heard anything from 'em yet. Have you got everybody here who had anything to do with the body? Yeah. The fingerprint men, photographers... patrolmen who found him and... - Nearly everybody. - What do you mean, "nearly"? - There's Billy Hall. He... - Get him. - Now? - Yes, now. Right away. Sure, Doc. Call Billy Hall and have him come down right away. - Now? - Yeah, right now. - Thanks. Will you have these people line up, please? - Let's form a line, fellas. Shake it up here. Dress a line here. - This is Dr. Reed of the Government Health Service. - This will only take a minute. As a precautionary measure, we're going to inoculate all of you... so if you'll just take your coats off, roll up your sleeves. Hurry it up, Paul. They'll start asking questions. - Oh, Kleber, would you mind helping out? - Okay, Doc. And, uh, thanks. That was a fine job. You did just the right thing. - I appreciate it. - Well, thank you, Doctor. - Give them each two c.c.'s. - I fixed it to have him cremated. Swell. Help Kleber down at the end, will you, Ben? - Start down at the other end. - Here's the alcohol. All right. Let's get this over with quickly, please. - Give me the first one, Paul. - What's in them things, Doc? - Nothing. Just a little serum. - Serum? For what? I told you... a precautionary measure. - Precautionary, but for what? - It's possible the dead man may have had some disease... I don't have to take one of those shots. I can quarantine you for 10 days. Hold still or this is going to hurt. - Aside from isolated cases in the past 20 years... - I'll see you, Murph. There's been at least one major outbreak. In November of 1924, in Los Ángeles, California... a woman died of what was thought to be pneumonia. Thirty-two people had had contact with her... and within four days, before the disease could be correctly diagnosed and contained... twenty-six of them had died, and they died suddenly, violently and horribly. The disease was finally found to be pneumonic plague. Pneumonic plague is the pulmonary form of bubonic... the black death of the Middle Ages... - and its death incidence is practically 100%. - Who'd you say he was? I'm Dr. Reed of the United States Public Health Service... and one of the jobs of my department is to keep plague out of this country. Sit down. Sit down. Don't let me interrupt you. Speak to somebody about it, will you, please? Come on, Mary. Has Dr. Reed filled you in on this? Have you finished, Doctor? Well there's not much more, Mr. Mayor. Bubonic plague, as you probably know, is spread by the rat flea... which is why we watch all ships and ports. Pneumonic, on the contrary, can be spread like a common cold... on the breath, sneezes or sputum of its victims. Very interesting, but I don't quite see why we were called into this. Because this morning, right here in the city... your police found the body of a man who was infected with this disease. Well, Dan, what about it? - Our reports show the man died with two bullet wounds. - He did. Heart and lungs. - Death was probably instantaneous. Right, Tom? - Yes, sir. - We had a police surgeon... - Regardless of what the police surgeon said... he would have died within 12 hours. - But what he did die of was two bullet holes. - He had pneumonic plague. - But he died of... - Drop it, Tom. - Dr. Mackey? - As you know, Mr. Mayor, I wasn't there. Ben was there when the body was brought in, but I can go now and check. - I had the body destroyed. - You had it destroyed? It was the prime source of contamination. I had Ben cremate it. I see. What else have you done, Mackey? Everyone who came in contact with the body has been inoculated... everyone we know of... with serum and streptomycin. And now I think they ought to be isolated. We can have them watched. We know who they are... all but one... the man who killed him. - Or men. - Mr. Mayor, this man was shot. The killer wasn't within 10 feet of him. I can prove it. - Was he shot on that riverbank, Captain? - Of course not. He was dumped off the Canal Street Pier about 5:00, 5:30. - How did he get to the Canal Street Pier? - How do I know? Somebody must have... The point is that whoever dumped him there may very well be walking around... with incipient plague at this moment. - Oh, now, wait a moment. - No. We've got to work on the supposition the doctor's right. Dan, looks like your job. All right, sir. I'll do what I can. But after all, we don't know the identity of the dead man. - We have no possible idea of the motivation. - And you haven't got much time. - Also, we haven't got the body. - Did you empty out his pockets? - I had everything burned. - Great. If the killer is incubating pneumonic plague, he can start spreading it within 48 hours. - Forty-eight hours? - Yes. We have 48 hours. Shortly after that, you'll have the makings of an epidemic. Commissioner, what's the use of kidding ourselves? We can't turn up an unknown killer in two days. He's absolutely right, Mr. Mayor. The police department can't be held responsible for this. Now, if you want to believe the doctor here... I'm sorry, sir, but frankly, I honestly don't... but if you want to believe him, there's only one way to handle this. Give the story to the press. You get on the radio... Andhaveeverybodywho was in contact with the dead man leave town? You can't give it to the press! I may be an alarmist. I may be entirely wrong about the whole matter. But I've seen this disease work... and I'm telling you if it ever gets loose it can spread over the entire country... and the result will be more horrible than any of you can imagine. And the key to the whole thing lies right here, now, in the next 48 hours. You can take me at my word. Whatever you like. What can we do? Find this man. Dan, put your best men on it. Yes, sir. Tom, you work with the doctor. Anything else you need, ask for it. - Mackey. - Thank you. - We'll give him all the assistance possible. - That's it, gentlemen. All right, Tom. Make your arrangements with the doctor here. I'll be on call waiting for a report. Take any emergency action you feel necessary. Annapolis man? No. Why? No reason. - Hope I wasn't too rough. - On me? - No. - No, I meant the rest of'em. I still have a feeling they don't believe me. I just know how serious this can be. - I was trying to put it across to 'em. - Mm-hmm. Now I'd start worrying about what you're gonna do... when we don't turn up with your boy. - Just a minute, Captain. - Hi, Cap. - Hello, Josh. - If this is the attitude you're gonna start out with... - we're not going to get far. - I was assigned to this. I'll do the best I can. But let's not get the idea that I'm a sailor in your, uh, navy. - Now, wait a minute... - Hello, Warren. I've been looking for you. - You found me and you're interrupting me. - Heard you had a meeting. - Little pitchers. - Had Mackey and the Board of Health in too. - What's the score? - Some complaints about your newspaper. - We ought to fumigate it. - Now, you know you can't hide anything. When it breaks, I'll spell your name wrong. That's what I told them... We just ought to fumigate you. - You boys worry me when you take off on your own. - No sense in our both worrying. - Good-bye, Neff. - Now, wait a second, Warren. Good-bye, Neff. Where are you going, Mr. Reed? I don't know. That depends on you. Listen, Doctor, I've got a job to do... just a routine sort of thing... like rounding up every possible suspect. I'm supposed to be pretty good at my job, so why don't I call you if I need you? Are you implying you'd like to get rid of me, Captain? - No, but, uh... - Then I'll go with you. Come on. - Hi, Johnny. - Hello, Mr. Neff. Good seeing you. You call that a concealed weapon? You think you can hold me on this? - Where were you with it last night? - Last night? Why, I was home shucking oysters. - What goes on here, Charlie? - Who knows? - Your wife says you didn't come home all night. - She didn't come home all night. - She don't know what she's talking about. - I got a right to a lawyer. You can't just haul me in without a lawyer. Oh, why don't you shut up? You meet a lot of guys. Did you ever see this one? What kind of a crack is that? So I hang around the Roost once in a while. Does that make me an information bureau? Listen, buddy, I happen to be a personal friend of Charley Sweeney, see? - He ain't gonna like this. - Maybe Sweeney can tell me where you was at last night. Why don't you call him and find out? He'll have me out of here in 20 minutes. Well, for 20 minutes, you'll tell me where you was at last night. You can't do this to me. I'm a citizen, and I got rights. Raymond Fitch, laundry attendant. 1943... petty larceny. Thirty days. 1945... petty larceny. Ninety days. Shall I go any further? Nah, forget it. Mind if I smoke? Trying to get away from cigarettes. Put it out. You ever see this guy? - No, I never seen this guy. - Well, look. I never seen this guy. What are you asking me for? A kisser like that, you see it, you remember it, huh? - Where were you last night all night? - Last night? Last night. Oh, yeah. I went to see my mother-in-law. She was wrestling semifinals... - Where were you? - I was only kidding. Actually... - me and my wife went to see a movie. - Where were you, fat boy? - What's the matter? You don't believe me? - You're a constitutional liar. Lot of people have told me the same thing. I don't mind. Of course, the body was burned, so we don't have too much. The boys who did examine him say he may be an Armenian... Czech, or mixed blood... approximate age, 42; height, 5'9"; weight, 143. Suit made in Haifa, shoes in Buenos Aires. You ought to notify the immigration authorities immediately. - Get rid of him. - All right. Let's go. - Keep going, Scott. - Mobile, Tampa, and other gulf ports have no record of him. - Anything else? - Uh, let's see. The F.B.I. Has no record on him. Our lab found traces of fish, rust-resistant paint, and salt in his clothes. - The fish traces could be shrimp. - It's certainly positive he came in off a boat... Unless he walked through a fish market, bought four pounds of shrimp... and brushed against a freshly painted fire escape. I suppose those are all the photographs we have? Those are the only ones, sir. The emergency shifts are coming in now, sir. - Okay. - Oh, Captain... the, uh... the boys are sort of wondering why they have to take these shots. They've been wondering, have they? Where do they think they are... in a summer camp? - Because the commissioner said so, that's why. - That's what I told 'em. What's the matter? They afraid of a little needle? They been wondering. - Roll up your sleeve. - What do you mean? What do you think you're gonna do? - Roll up your sleeve. - Why should I take one of those things? Because the commissioner said so. And I told the commissioner. Roll it up. - Anything funny, Scott? - No, sir. No, sir. Oh, brother. This I've gotta see. What's the matter? You guys ain't got enough work to do? - Yes, sir, Captain. - Well, get on it! - How about that? - You can't say you're not getting action. There's half the two-bit criminals in town. More of them coming through. I wish you sounded more confident of getting information. Information? We'll get plenty of it... about pickpockets, sneak-thieves, wife-beaters. But about your murderer? Not a chance. If it isn't gonna work, what are you doing it for? I'm doing it because the commissioner told me to. And I'm doing it this way because it's the only way you let me. But why I'm doing it, I don't know. - How can I make you believe... - Believe it? Why shouldn't I believe you, Doctor? You're a smart fellow. A college man. You probably wouldn't make something out of nothing just to be important. Mister, what are we here for? I ought to be home. You know, my mother always told me if you looked deep enough in anybody... you'd always find some good, but I don't know. With apologies to your mother, that's the second mistake she made. I should have seen that one coming. - Do you drink coffee, Captain? Come on. I'll buy you a cup. - I'm busy. - I want to buy you a cup. - I'm busy. Come on. Let's see if you can drag that load across the street. Let's go. Look, Captain, do you have a family? Are you married? No. My wife died eight years ago. - Oh, I'm sorry. - The doc I got said she had neuralgia. But she didn't. It was a brain tumor. You don't think much of me as a doctor either, do you? Keep asking questions, Doc, you finally get answers. - No. - You mind if I ask why? Government job in civil service. Thirty years, a pensión. - What do you make? - I think it runs about the same as a police captain. - Thanks, lady. - See that? Probably phoned his lawyer to sue us for false arrest. Look, Warren, the reason I asked if you had a family was that... well, I thought if you had some children, you might realize the seriousness of this. - I haven't got any kids. - Well, thousands of people do. - And think what could happen... - I'll think anything you like. - But I'll still say I'm doing everything I can... - Look, this man came off a boat. - He was smuggled into the country. - We've checked every boat... we've combed the waterfront, and we're hauling in every man that could know anything about it. - From what I've seen, they may not want to talk to the police. - Maybe they don't. Maybe they want to talk to their mothers. Maybe they want to talk to you. What can I do about it? Offer a reward. Promise immunity for information. - And get a couple more experts from Washington to help me out. - Well, you could use 'em. You'll never see the day. Look, do you mind if I do something on my own? - Yes, I do. - What am I supposed to do? Just sit here and watch? Listen, Captain, I'm taking a chance you may be right. You can take a chance I know what I'm doin' and let me do it! As a matter of fact, you'd help us both out if you went home and went to bed. Okay, I'm not gonna argue anymore. And I'm not gonna wait until the facts penetrate that thick skull of yours. There just isn't that much time. There's for the coffee. - Hiya, honey. - You look great. You got that stuff all packed, Angie? My suits and them two sweaters? I got 'em. What are they after you for this time? Why do you want to talk like that for? It's just a trip. Blackie says... Blackie, Blackie! He runs you around like a dog on a leash! - He's my boss, ain't he? - He's a big goon! Shh! He pays me every week. Then he's a bigger boob than you been saying he was! Why don't you stand up to him sometime? Why don't you tell him off? Angie, will you shut up? What are you hanging around outside for? - Why don't you get inside? - And be alone with that big ape? Do you think I've lost my buttons? Do you think I've lost my buttons? Blackie? - Blackie? - Hurry up! Blackie? I wasn't long, was I? I packed everything like you told me. Can I bring your stuff down for you, Blackie? - Who's that with you? - Just Angie. - Is she comin'? - She's my wife. What am I gonna do with her? First, tell her to get away from them machines. Angie, will you get away from there? Blackie don't like nobody foolin' with them washing machines. Too late. They're fallin' apart now. Anything I don't like's a smart-cracking dame. Hey, get away from there! - Yes, you. - What do you want me to do, just stand here? - Will you tell her what she's supposed to do? - Relax, will you, Angie? We'll be leaving in a minute. Huh, Blackie? - You should have stayed single. - Well, you know how it is. She was working as... Where's Poldi? I told you to bring Poldi. I know you did, Blackie. I went right over there, I told him what you said, but he don't want to go. He don't want to go? Why don't he want to go? What's the matter with him? I don't know, Blackie. He was getting dressed to go out. He said he was takin' this dame out. He said he didn't want to go. I told him all about what was happening. Where does he get the dough to go out? He never had a quarter. You ever know Poldi when he had a quarter? - That's right. He's always borrowing from somebody. - Where does he get the dough? Why's he all of a sudden taking a dame out? - I got a hunch about him. - He can stay here, Blackie. - Yeah, I got a hunch about him. - But, look, Blackie. - Let's get going. I tell you, they're picking everybody up. - They ain't gonna pick me up. You see them machines? That's business. Legitimate, even. They ain't gonna pick up a legitimate businessman. They're picking up legitimates. They picked me up. They're picking everybody up. That's just it. Why? Why are they picking everybody up, Fitch? Why? - I don't know, Blackie, but let's get moving. - You don't know? You got a high-school education. You're a smart fellow. You don't know? Figure it out. This guy Kochak is just a floater. He comes in off a boat, gets very unsocial... even pulls a knife that he's gonna use on Poldi. So they turn the town upside-down for one crumb. They got every cop in town huffing and puffing... trying to find out who he is. - Why are they doing that? - Blackie, I don't know. Then I'll figure it out for you. I got a hunch he brung something in, see? I got a hunch he brung something in, and they're looking for it. Only, he ain't got it. And you know why? - Because friend Poldi's got it. - Poldi? - Do you think we would do something like that? - He was his cousin, wasn't he? I told you I had a hunch about that guy, and I was right. But Poldi's a nice guy. He wouldn't do nothing. He's trying to put something over on me, Fitch. I saved his life, and that's how he repays me. You know, Fitch, there's one thing I don't like. - You know what it is? - Sure, Blackie, sure. - Somebody trying to put something over on you. - Oh, I never liked it. - You find Poldi. I want to see him. - No, Blackie! No! Let's get out of town! I'm scared, I tell you! - They'll pick me up again. Angie, will you stop with that! They picked you up once, They ain't gonna do it again. Blackie, I don't know where Poldi went! I don't know where to look for him! - I'm gonna get out of town. - Look. I just told you I don't like nobody putting anything over on me. Particularly you, Fitch! Poldi ain't leaving' town, and you ain't leaving' neither! - Okay, Blackie. Sure. - Get your hands off him, you big ape! Angie, stay away from him! I'll get him. I'll find him. - Thank you, Fitch. - I swear I will. Come on, Angie. Let's go. What am I gonna do with them suitcases I packed? - Unpack 'em. - Come on, Angie. Hurry up. Fitch... I hope you're not plannin' on leaving town anyway. I wouldn't do that. Where would you go? Yeah. That's right. Where would I go? - Is this the seaman's hiring hall? - Yeah, this is it. - They're trolling the ships now. - Thanks a lot. OntheJosephMartin, Fitzgerald Steamship Company... a Liberty Ship, going to Rio, sailing at 7:00 in the morning. Two A.B. 's. We have 11:25 and 11:27. They're going, they're going, they're gone. - Do this guy a favor. - Thank you. On the Steamship Pelican, Louisiana Steamship Company... a C2 going to Yokohama, sailing at noon. Say, fellow, do you mind if I make an announcement? Just take a second. I have 11:28 and 11:29. They're going, they're going, they're gone. Grab the mike a minute, Leo? Oh that's swell. Thanks very much. Could I have your attention, please? Could I have your attention? This is very important. I have some pictures of a man here. I'll pass them out right away. Would you take care of those, please? Would you mind, sir? Thank you. Now, please take a good look at him. I'll pay 50 dollars to anyone who can tell me anything at all about him. Anything. I'm not from the police, so you can't get into any trouble. I just want the information, and I'm willing to pay for it. Thank you very much. Thanks an awful lot. - Thank you, sir. - Okay, buddy. Okay. Anybody that's ever seen this man, speak right up, will you? I never saw him before. I never saw him either. Anybody that can tell me anything at all? How about it? I've never seen him before. - I've never seen him, Mac. - You got the dough on you, Johnny? - Can you tell me anything? - I can tell you you're taking a terrific chance... flashing that kind of dough around this mob. - Shipping is tough. - You can say that again. I'm serious about this. Any information at all. Even if you just think you've ever seen him. What's this fellow done, lad? Nothing. There's no trouble. Let me give you a bit of advice. - These fellows are not liable to talk around here. - What do you mean? - He's liable to be a seaman too. - That's right, bud. Oh, I got you. - Thanks. - No trouble at all. Look, uh, if anybody knows anything about him... I'll be at Frank's Place right next door here... until, uh, 7:00. You can ask any questions you want to. You can give me the information if you want to do that. Okay? - You buy the coffee, mate? - I'll buy your breakfast... your lunch and your dinner if you can find me anybody who knows this man. WehavethreeLibertiescomingout of the boneyard. We'll need three full crews. One boatswain and two ordinaries. On the boatswain we have 11:25. It's going... Throw that sugar down, will you? Comeonalongwiththoseeggs, Frank . I got to make the 7:00 bus, you hear? I'm comin'! I'm comin'! That's the one. That's the one. Can I speak to you? Sure. Go right ahead. Are you the man who's looking for someone? Yeah, as a matter of fact, I was. Someone looking for 50 dollars? That's right. Well, he said for you to come with me. Will you? "He" said? Who's "he"? Well, are you coming? Yeah. - It's cold down here by the water. - Yeah. Now, uh, what was it you wanted to know? I want to know if your friend has ever seen this man. - Why? - Because obviously, I want to find out about him. - Did he do something wrong? - No, he did nothing wrong. Nobody's gonna get into any trouble. Have you ever seen him? - No. No, I never seen him. - Come on. Come on. Then where is this friend of yours? Uh, he, uh, wanted to know why you were looking. He did, huh? Well, if he wants to know so badly, let him him come and ask me. - I'm t... - What are you doing here? - Where'd you come from? - Cut it out. - Who are you, a cop? - I'm with the Public Health Service. I'm a doctor. - A doctor? - That's right. I'm a doctor. I want to know who this man is. How he got into the country. What ship he was smuggled off. That's a lot of wanting for 50 bucks. - That's all you're gonna get. Take it or leave it. - I told you not to drink anymore. I told you yesterday to keep away from me. - Did you bring this man into the country? - No. Because if you did, there's a good chance you're gonna die in about four days. - Who are you tryin' to kid? - Nobody. I'm trying to save you. You're a sailor. Did you ever hear of plague? - Plague? - This man died of it yesterday morning. - He's making it up. - I'm not making it up. - No, I don't think he... - Trying to frame me! I ain't never seen this guy. I ain't been out of port in 10 days, and I can prove it. Okay. If you didn't bring him in or have any contact with him... then you've got nothing to worry about. - No, wait! - Let him go! - No, I won't! - Get out of here! You told me yourself, Charlie, that the man was sick when you brought him here. - Why, you stupid little fool. - Take it easy. Charlie, please. He's a doctor. He ought to know what he's doing. This is 50 dollars. This is anti-plague serum. Charlie? Now, roll up your sleeve and start talking. Hold this, will you? I got him off a tramp out in the gulf. I don't know his name, and I know nothing about him. - I swung the whole deal with one of the mates. - What ship? - I don't know. - You know! - It was night. I couldn't see. - What ship? - Give him the shot, Doc, please. - What's the name of that ship? - I said I don't know. - This is the only hypodermic I've got, and it breaks very easily. Now, start talking, or you're gonna get into trouble. - Charlie... - All right. - It was the Nile Queen. - Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm sure. - All right. Hold still. Roll up your sleeve. Now, hold still. Bring 'em aboard. I'm going to finish my breakfast. Aye, aye, sir. Couldn't he have been aboard without your knowledge, Captain? No, he couldn't. This is a waste of your time and mine. The sooner you go over the side, the sooner I can get underway again. - Pass the word to the engine room to stand by to get underway. - Have any luck? - Nothing. He told me nothing. - Did he tell you anything? Let's go, You've cost me two hours' delay already with this heaving-to. The man I spoke to was positive the ship was the Nile Queen. For the last time, I'm telling you... I never saw the man in my life. Anyone who says he was smuggled in off my ship is a liar. A man exposed to pneumonic plague doesn't lie. - I say he did. - All right, Captain. - Is he gonna call me a liar too? - I'm calling you a fool! Okay, I'll get off your ship... but if that man was aboard, you... and most of your crew will be dead before you're halfway to Santiago! - I'll worry about that! - Take it easy! Take it easy! We're in international waters. This man is master of this vessel. We have no authority here. Come on. Let's go. - What did you find out? - Well, from the tracings on those beams, Clint... I can guarantee 150 to 170 rats on this ship. What did I tell you? You men hear that? Rats! And they might be carrying plague! Hey, what's going on down there? Hey, what's going on down there? Boatswain, get those men out of there! All of'em! Get back to work! All right, boys. Let's start moving. - No, we want to hear what he's saying. - Yeah, we want to hear. Never mind what he's saying. Get moving. Don't shove me! Mr. Anson, break out the weapons, mister, and stand by. Stop bluffing, Captain! You've got plague on this ship. You're inciting my men to mutiny. - Now, get off of here before I take action against you! - Your men know it's true! Wasn't there another man on board who died just last week? I'm the master here, and for the last time I'm telling you... One of your cooks is down with fever. That's just the first one, Captain. Now, what are you gonna do about it? - What do you want me to do? - Right now, I want to inoculate every man on board. After that, you'll put about and quarantine your ship under my men. What about the stowaways? I didn't have anything to do with them. - It wouldn't make much difference if you were dead. - Get the equipment, Paul. All right. Let's get started. - Sailmaker. - Sailmaker, yes. You're sure these two men got on at Oran? - They must have. - It's the only place they could've. What about the other man? Did anybody see his body after he died? Well, he's the sailmaker. He sewed him up. He might have. - No, I just dumped him over the side. - Mmm. Great. - Secondary infection from the man who died. - It's the only possible way. Okay. You can move along. Think we have enough on this fellow? - Yes, sir. - Okay. That'll be all for you. - Aah! - Now you come on and sit down here. Did you ever see these two men who were in the chain locker? - He see them every day. - You see them every day? How come? He cabin boy. He bring them food. Okay, let him talk for himself now. You brought them their food every day? - Yes, sir. - Did they ever say anything? Uh... Uh, sure. "Food stinks. Good-bye." This boy just kills you, doesn't he? Are you the cook? - Yes, sir. - Go away. Did they ever talk about anything else? No, sir. Only one time they tell me... to tell cook to make shish kebab. - Shish kebab. They want shish kebab. - Shut up. - They like shish kebab. - Yes, I'm sure. And if I knew what shish kebab was... - maybe we'd be on the trail of something. - It's lamb on a skewer. Some of the Greek and Armenian restaurants around town serve it. To tell you the truth, I'm rather fond of it myself. That's it. They call me dirty names. - They say when they go ashore... - They go ashore? - They know a place... - What's the name of the place? Did they say the name of the place? - He doesn't know. Just a restaurant. - Okay. Run along. Well, I thought maybe we had something there. It might be a little something at that. Now you ask me the questions? I suppose we're apt to wind up at a policeman's benefit, but I'll have to. Where's the owner of this joint? Over here. - What is it? - You the proprietor? - Yes. - John Mefaris? - Yes, sir. - You serve Greek food? Anything you like, gentlemen. We're from the Public Health Service. I run clean place. I passed inspection last month. No, we're just trying to identify a man. That's all. You know this man? Has he ever come in your place? What you want him for, if you don't mind my asking you? I'm asking you, do you recognize him? He's not across the street. You won't get into any trouble. - We just want some information. - I ain't worried. He had an infection. A contagious disease. We want to find out who he was, where he went, the people he saw. Sure, sure. Uh, I don't know. So many people come here all the time. Maybe my wife. I'll ask her. Yeah. I got a feeling this is gonna be very helpful. You know this is hopeless, don't you, Doc? This is about the 15th joint we've been in. It's 11 by actual count. What can you suggest? Look, we run the whole story in tonight's paper. His picture, everything. I'll block every road leaving town, cover the bus stations and... - No, huh? - You're getting it. Slowly. - They sure make 'em stubborn up where you come from. - That's right. It's the man that fellow Poldi brought in the other night. - Yes. Kochak. - Hmm. The one that ate like a field hand. - What about him? - They asked me if I know him. For pity sakes, go and tell them and stop fussing at me. It's the Board of Health. They say he's sick. Oh, that Board of Health was here just last month. We've paid for our license, though I don't know how we did it. But they say he's sick... bad sick. - So am I sick. - But this is contagious. Contagious? Hmph. Then you tell them to go and mind their own business. We don't know nothing about it. Don't stand there. Go and tell 'em. But the law... We've got to obey the law. - We've never seen him. - I don't know. I don't like it. Aw, John, I got a headache that's fit to kill me. If you don't go out there and tell them that we don't know nothing about this... and get 'em out of this place, I'm gonna do it myself. Stop all this nonsense. Go on and tell 'em! Okay, Rita, okay. I'll tell 'em. I'll tell 'em. She doesn't know anything either. Why don't you leave the picture. - He may come sometime. - I don't think he'll be around for awhile. They're there now, Blackie. In the back. - They found Poldi, huh? - Yes. I tipped him off where to go. Did you take care of that other matter, Pat? - I stayed all night. Watched the house. - What happened? She came home early. Not a peep out of her. - Good. Here you are, Pat. - No. No, thanks. No, Blackie. No, no. God bless you, Blackie. God bless you. Hey! You get away from there. This is my beat. Get away. Paper, sir? Blackie, I found him. See? I found him. Pat told me how you found him. What's that smell in here? Have you been trying something on your hair again? No, Blackie. I ain't put nothing on it. - Touched that yet? - No, Blackie. - Hiya, Blackie. - Hello, Poldi. What's the matter? I'm sick. Don't feel so good. You felt good enough to stay out last night and run me all over town. You gave him a little bit of trouble, huh, Poldi? - Who's this? - My kid brother, Vincent. - Let's lose him. - I told you, I don't feel good. I need somebody with me. - We're with you, Poldi. Blow out of here, kid. - Who asked you, Curly? - Hit the road before I... - Don't be objectionable, Fitch. - Nice to know you, Vince. - Thanks, Blackie. - You want to do Blackie a favor, kid? - Yeah, I guess so. Get me a scratch sheet. Maybe I got something I can put a couple of bucks on for you. Thanks, Blackie. Thanks, Blackie. You don't feel good, huh, Poldi? I got a pretty good doctor. Maybe he can take a look at you. I'll be all right. I'm just sort of cold in my head. - I ought to be in bed. - Aw! - "Aw" what? - Aw, you're always bellyaching, that's what. - Nobody asked you. - Leave him alone, Fitch. Maybe he's got a touch of swamp fever or something. Look, Poldi, I wouldn't have had him bother you. I wanted to ask... About Kochak? I never should have brung him that night. I'm sorry, Blackie... - But you got your dough and everything, so... - I wasn't thinking about him. - But now that you bring it up, tell me... - He was nothing. Honest. He was nothing... just enough to have every cop in town looking for him. They're grabbing every guy in sight, whether he's got a record or not. Yeah. They even picked up the master criminal here. Why do you suppose they're doing that, Poldi? I don't know, Blackie. It's like I told Fitch... he was a cousin of mine. - But I don't know nothing else about him. - Some cousin. - He might have killed you if I hadn't been there. - Yeah, a fine cousin. I thank you, Blackie, but he didn't bring nothing into the country. - I mean... He was... - What made you say that, Poldi? I don't know, Blackie. I just thought that... maybe the cops or maybe you thought that... I got to get out of here and get some water. Sit down, Poldi. Here's some water. What made you say that? I don't know, Blackie. I just thought that you figured that... - Why would I figure that? - I don't know. But there was nothing. Nothing at all. - Can't you believe me? - Why should he? Don't talk like that, Fitch. All Poldi said was he didn't bring nothing in. Poldi ought to know. The guy was his cousin. He was going to stay with you, wasn't he, Poldi? He left his stuff with you. - I don't know where he was gonna stay. - Sit down, Poldi. I'm talking to you. It ain't polite to get up when... I thought there was something funny about that shirt. "La Pere, Lisbon." - When was you in Lisbon last? - You lied to Blackie, Poldi. He don't like to be lied to. You know what I mean, Poldi? He don't like it. He just had a couple of shirts. You can have 'em all, Blackie. - That what I smelled. What have you got on? - I ain't got nothing on. You're lyin' again. Perfume. Dough to go out last night. I'm disappointed in you. I treated you like a friend, and look at you. - I ain't lying. Honest, I ain't. - See why I'm always right, Fitch? Because I never trust nobody. You make an exception, and... You remember how it was when we took Poldi in? Share and share alike? Yeah, that's right, Blackie. What's yours is mine. Only Poldi doesn't believe that. He's like everybody else... just out for himself. - No, no, no. That isn't true. I wouldn't do nothing... - What am I going to do with you? What would you do if you was in my shoes, and a friend double-crossed you? How would you... Hi, Poldi. Hi, handsome. Blackie, can I see you for just a minute? Sure, baby. Anything wrong? No, nothing. What's the matter with you? Why don't you tell him? I don't know nothing, I tell you. Blackie, honey, I've just got to have a hundred dollars. Sure, honey, if you really... I'll be with you in a minute, kid. Thought that dame gave him the brush. You see, Fitch? Didn't I tell you he's been holding out on us? - Blackie, I didn't mean to let him get away. - That's all right, Fitch. Don't get sweaty. Where's he gonna go that we can't find him? Come on. Car 17, car 17... He was tied up right off the end of the dock here this morning. Car 12. Captain Warren. Captain Warren. Emergency. Woman sick. 124 Governor Nichols. High-fever case. Captain Warren. Captain Warren. Please acknowledge. The woman called him Charlie. Doesn't that mean anything? - Not to me, mister. I've got a nephew named Charlie... - I'm sure he's a nice fellow. That's great. Oh, I don't know. That was my last idea. - Captain Warren! - What? - There's a call. - What is it? It's a woman. Sick. Fever case. It's an emergency call. What's going on here? Not now, lady. The boys in the patrol car are picking up the husband, Captain. They'll have him here in a few minutes. I wish that doctor had called sooner. I'll have to quarantine the whole apartment. Gafney will inoculate. Call in and tell Monahan I want a detail here right away. - Cover the entrance yourself. Nobody in but the husband. - Yes, sir. - No chance of a mistake? - Nah. You couldn't miss it. Oh, Paul, I want all that bedding burned after you get her out. - That door. - Yes, sir. What about the death certificate? It's got to be filed. The doctor put down a tentative diagnosis of pneumonia with complications. - That'll do for now. - How about the body? - I'll have the Board of Health take care of it. - What happened? What you do here? Oh, clear these people out of here. Where's my wife? Rita? Where is she? What you do? - Let me see my wife. - I can't let you go in there. - What you do to her? - Your wife is dead. Dead? Dead. Rita? She can't be. You lie. She's dead, mister. This afternoon she said she just don't feel good. - I'm sorry. - She... Remember me, Mefaris? We showed you a picture of a man and asked if you knew him. - You lied to us. Who was he? - I don't know. I don't know. If you'd told us the truth, there's a chance your wife might not have died. - Who is he? - I don't know! I don't know. Look, Mefaris, I want to know about this man. He had the disease that killed your wife. Now, who is he? - His disease killed my wife? - Yes. Now, who is he, who is he, who is he? Kochak. His name was Kochak. - I don't know him. Poldi brought him the other night. - Who is Poldi? - Rita served him. - Who's Poldi? Where does he live? - Where does he live? - Gloria Hotel, I guess. Come on. There's nothing you can do for him. Let's go. - The ambulance is outside now. - Ben. - Yes, sir? - Have them work with Gafney. This place is quarantined. Get the address of Mefaris' restaurant. Quarantine that. Then try and get a list of everybody who's been in there in the past three days. - Yes, sir. - I wonder how many people have been in there. - It's gettin' pretty rugged. - Oh, look, you stay and take charge, will you, Ben? - Send for any help you need. - Right. - Nobody in or out. Nobody! - Right. Come on. Gloria Hotel. Let's go! - Gloria Hotel, huh? - Right. Thanks. Nobody in or out. Nobody. Come on. - What do you want? - I'm looking for a fellow named Poldi. - He's not up in his room. - Where is his room? All right. Follow me. - Never mind why I want him. I want him! - I swear to you, Captain... if I know the guy has a record, I never take him in. - I run a clean establishment. - I know. Nothing but retired millionaires and honeymooners. Aw, no, Cap. You know I wouldn't have nobody in here... Look, we pulled three hoodlums out of here last month. Now, who knew this man? Nobody, Cap. Honest, nobody. The guy just comes in for a room and I... Well, eh, just a minute. - Just a minute. I... I just do remember. - He just does remember. - Yeah. A couple of guys were looking for him today. - Who were they? No, but I... I don't know, honest. I don't know. Y - You got to believe me. Why? Come on. Let's get out of here. You're gonna get both of us in trouble, so why don't you be a nice fellow? Why don't you take your big hands off me and knock off? - I'm warning you Neff. You hear me? - I hear you. That's the trouble. - I can't seem to tune you out. - All right. That's enough. Oh, Neff. I didn't know you lived here too. - I'm ready for your statement on this story now, Doctor. - What story is that, Neff? Oh, cut it out. You think I've been walking around with my head in a bag? You and the Public Health Service turning this town upside down? A murdered hoodlum, a ship in quarantine and now a woman dead. - An idiot could figure it out. - You qualify. What do you figure? I figure the guy had smallpox or cholera or something like that. And I want to know why this story wasn't released to the press. - Listen, you... - Wait a minute, Warren. Now, look, Neff. It isn't smallpox, and it isn't cholera. It's plague... pneumonic plague. - Plague? - That's why we can't let you have the story. - You can't let me have it. - That's right. With a chance of an epidemic? - I knew you guys were crazy... - Wait a minute, Neff. Wait a minute. Wait for what? Somebody else to die? Not much. You've already wasted a day and a half. I'm sorry, but I can't let you print this story. You can't let me print it. Since when have you been making the rules? - I represent the Public Health Service. - Well, I represent the public... and they've got a right to know what's going on, and no two-bit civil servant... Regardless of your opinion, I've got to do what I think is best. Did you do what you thought was best for that woman who just died? If the doctor had known what was going on, couldn't he have saved her? Couldn't he? - I don't know. - You don't know. And because you don't know, you don't want anybody else to know. - Well, there's a chance we could contain... - You bet there is! And don't think for a minute that everybody in this town isn't going to get it. Aw, drop it. If your editor's got the story, let him go ahead and print it. - Well, my editor doesn't have it, but he's going to get it. - Oh, he doesn't have it, eh? What do you know? - Take him. - A pleasure. - What do you think you're trying to pull? - He speaks to no one. - What's the charge? - Loitering, public nuisance, anything you like. - You're crazy! I'll have your badge for this, Warren! - Take him out! - You'll be walking a beat if you're lucky! - Out! If I'd been busted by every newspaperman that tried to get my bars... I'd be mopping floors in the Hall ofJustice years ago. Come on. - Can that reporter really make trouble for him? - Trouble? - Where you been living, mister? - If that newspaper wanted to put the pressure on him... he'd be lucky if he could get a job mopping floors. Let's go, Bill. Clint? I thought I heard you. Don't come any closer, honey. You better stay right there. - Another contagion case, huh? - Yep. And another uniform to be decontaminated. Some fun, huh? You didn't catch it yourself, did you? You look a little beat. Yeah, I look so good normally. - I didn't pay it. - You can pay it tomorrow. No, I can't pay it tomorrow, and I can't pay it the next day. I spent the money. Now will you please just forget about that bill? When I get the dough, I'll pay it. Just stop pestering me about it. Clint, honey, I didn't say anything. Yeah, I know. - Whenever you're tired you always seem to think I'm scolding you. - Yeah, I... I'm sorry. - And I wasn't. - I know. I know you're right. - What happened? - I gave it to somebody. Clint, I wasn't... I wasn't talking about the money. Oh. Well, anyway, I spent it on something for the department. - You can put in a voucher, or whatever they call them. - Hm! As far as I know, nobody's yet figured out a way to get money back from the U.S. Government... - quickly, that is. - I'll make up the cot for you. - No, I've got to go right out again, honey. - Go right out? Look, be a good kid and make me some coffee, will you? - How about some nice, hot soup? - Just coffee, Nancy. - But, Clint, you need... - Coffee! Nancy, I told you, I can't sleep. I gotta take a shower and get out of here. - Did you sleep last night? - Last night? Yeah. Oh, sure. Guess I must have. - Oh, I didn't call you, did I? - That's all right. I didn't think. It's a plague case... pneumonic. - Plague? Here in New Orleans? - Yeah. A woman died of it tonight. Whoever's carrying it's still wandering around. Well, at least they have you. You've been through it. You know how to handle it. Now, look, hon. Let's not be little Miss Sunshine. All right, all right. We went through it in Cal... - Why don't you lie down, just for an hour or two? - No, no. Gafney's waiting for me at the office. He hasn't had any sleep either. Gafney can wait. He's younger than you are. - Baby, Methuselah's younger than I am tonight. - What's eating you anyway? - Nothing. - Come on. I'm all right. I'm just out of gas... I'm tired and I'm fed up. Well, if you won't lie down, at least sit. You're making me tired standing. - Stick around, honey. - I've got to get the coffee. I'm just afraid if I sit down, the next thing, I'll lie down. If I lie down, sure as there are worms in little green apples... I'll fall asleep. And if I fall asleep, I'm dead. Now you're cooking. Just don't let me fall asleep, will you? I'll watch you. You know, today I took a perfectly nice guy... a cop... not the smartest guy in the world, but who is? So I push him around, make a lot of smart cracks about him... and tell him off all day long... and he winds up proving he's four times the man I'll ever be. - I don't believe it. - Why do I do that? - Hmm? - You're tired now, Clint. All right, so I'm tired. But you know what I mean. Yeah, I guess I do. Yeah. I do the same thing to you, don't I? - Yes, you do. - Well? Well, Clint, you're not a kid anymore, and you ought to stop thinking like one. What do you mean? Well, like those jobs you're always talking about... Arabian pipelines or expeditions to Chile as medical advisor, or... - You know. - Yeah, what you want to say... is that I'm a bust now and to forget about them. - That's what you mean, isn't it? - That's exactly what I don't mean. You might get an offer like that tomorrow, and you'd be perfect for it. But that's a chance, and it's in the future. You can't spend the rest of your life... You know, you're a pretty lucky guy right this minute. Lucky? - Holy smoke. - You are. You've done exactly what you planned you were going to do... when you were a junior in medical school. - How many people can say that? - I don't know. But I do know I've got exactly $38 in the savings account. So, every once in a while you... you get a guilty feeling... that you've been missing out, or... that you owe something to... to me or to Tommy or somebody or other. Then you take it out on whoever happens to be around. Mostly I'm around. So? So stop feeling sorry for yourself. - Yes, ma'am. - And don't get smart with me. If there's a plague here, you're the most important guy in town... and not only to me. Yes, ma'am. So? So that's all. Well. How long you been cookin' that one up? You'd be surprised. Housework leaves a lot of time for thinking. Some of it I... I thought up a few weeks ago. About the time I decided that... Tommy wasn't gonna be an only child anymore. - You decided what? - You heard me. Well, for Pete's sake. Do you mind? You son of a gun. You said yourself that... that it was bad for Tommy to be an only child. Well, what do you know? - And, Clint, aside from Tommy... - You gotta stay away from me, honey. Aside from Tommy, I... I have no intention... of being too old to enjoy my grandchildren. Hm! How do you like that? Don't worry about the money, Clint. We'll work it out. I'm not worried. This is nice. I guess the reason I did it was because I knew you really wanted it. I like you, Clint. It's only fair that you get some of the things you want. I guess that's the real reason. Clint? Hey! - What's up? - I don't know, but it ain't good. - Well, what's going on? - They just told me to get you and bring you over here. Look. Sorry I had to call you here... but my office and my home are crawling with reporters. Now I find you've arrested one. What's the matter with you, Warren? Have you lost your mind? - If the desk sergeant hadn't made a mistake, he'd be there still. - Yeah, I know. - What imbecility prompted... - He did it on my authority, Mr. Mayor. - Your authority? - Yes, sir. What authority is that? You're an adviser here, Doctor, a guest... and you can oblige me by confining your authority to your own duties. Where's Mackey? We can't fool around with this any longer. I told him to get over here right away. He should be here any minute now. AllI wantis asimplestatementoffact. That shouldn't take him too long. Mr. Mayor, we already got a line on one of the dead man's friends. - His name is Poldi... - Have you made any arrests yet? - No, sir. - When will you? - It's hard to go out... - I'm sorry. - We can't wait that long for you. Sorry about the delay. - Yeah. - Have you got it with you? - Yes, sir. Best I could do on such short notice. - How are you, Doctor? - About the same. That's all I wanted. I had Mackey make up a statement... a complete explanation of the facts as they stand. Before I give it to Neff here, I want a confirmation from you... that the disease can be contained, and there's no reason for panic. Our only chance for full cooperation, Clint, is to inform the public. You agree? No. The minute he prints it, the men we're looking for will leave the city. Now, I told you once, and I'll tell you again. Anyone leaving here with... with plague endangers the entire country. The entire country hasn't got it. We have. A woman died here last night. - This problem lies right here in our own community. - Community? What community? - Do you think you're living in the Middle Ages? - Oh, come now. Anybody that leaves here can be in any city in the country within 10 hours. I could leave here today and be in Africa tomorrow. And whatever disease I had would go with me. - I know that. - Then think of it when you're talking about communities! We're all in a community... the same one! - Give me a cigarette. - Take the pack. - Can I go now? - All right. There are about four more hours before the morning edition. Then I'm wasting my time here. Do what you can, Tom. I couldn't hold Neff. Strangely enough, I find myself in complete agreement with you, but I couldn't hold him. - He can color a story any way he wants. - Yes, he can. But that's his privilege. I won't take it away from him. And I won't say it isn't better that way. - What is it, Bob? - Mind if I take off now, sir? All right, but I want to be on the radio in the morning at 9:00. I'll be here by then, sir. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm taking the kids upriver to their grandmother. - Oh. - I'll be in your office by 8:30, but I gotta do it. All right. - Well, here we go. - Don't get any wrong ideas. - He'll be there in the morning, and he'll stay there. - Yeah, sure he will. And kids are kids. Nevertheless, here we go. - You want some coffee? - Naw, I don't think so. To tell you the truth, I'm scared to death. I want to call Washington and start getting some help in here. Well, Dan, I seem to remember you as the guy that talked me into running for this office. Hm! I was hoping you'd forget that. Good-bye, Father. If you need me, Mama, send Vince. I'll be right over. Thank you, Father. - This is Poldi's mother. - Hello. This is Blackie, his best friend. He wants to help him. Yes, I heard he was sick, but I can't find him, Mama. - He's not in his room. I was worried about him. - No, no, he's home. Always when he's sick he comes home. But he's dying this time. Oh, no, no, Mama. He's not gonna die. I'm not gonna let him. I'm gonna send for a doctor for him. But the neighbors already, they have sent for somebody. Yes, but, Mama, this is my doctor. He's the best. He'll make Poldi well. You'll see. Now, you tell Vince to go and get him, huh? You see that Vince gets the doc. - Say, where did Fitch say he was going? - He went to breakfast. He didn't go to breakfast. I've been looking for him. Now, find him and bring him over. - You hurry up. - God bless you, Blackie. God bless you. That's great, Poldi. Drink it up. It'll do you good. I'm gonna take care of you. It's just you and me, huh, Poldi? Just you and me. We're gonna... Hiya, Blackie. I was just gonna get ya. I was gonna get ya... - only Poldi was so sick, I didn't want to leave him. - Shouldn't have done it. Shouldn't have done it. He says we shouldn't have done it. He says... What'll we do, Blackie? - Shouldn't have done it. Shouldn't have it! - Take it easy. Take it easy. - Do what he says. Shh. - Shouldn't have done it! I'm sorry, Poldi, but there's nothing we can do about that anymore. The first thing we gotta do is get you well. You hear me? We gotta get you well. I sent Vince for a doctor. Vince is gonna bring him here. He's gonna get you well. - Ain't gonna get well. - Sure you're gonna get well. - I'm gonna die. - Oh, you ain't gonna die. - I want to confess, please. - You'll confess later. - Get me a priest! - You don't need a priest. You need a doctor. I'm getting you one. You're gonna get well. Will you stop? Stop aggravating him, will you? What's this? I don't know. I didn't see it when I come in. - Let's get out of here. - Let him confess everything to the priest? - I'm gonna get out of here! - You're not going anyplace! Not till Poldi tells us. Blackie, you ain't gonna... I ain't gonna what? Let's get this straight, just between us. What did Kochak bring in? - Take it easy. - Don't know. It's just... - I don't know. - Oh, you know. You talked to him in that lingo. - I don't know nothing. - Where is it, Poldi? It must be lying around someplace. It must be worth a fortune the way they're looking for who killed him. I got the connections. I can move that stuff. - We'll split it, me and you. - I want a priest, please. - What did you do with it? - Please, I want a priest. Kochak, three aces... - He's getting delirious. - He ain't delirious. - He's hysterical! - He ain't hysterical! Where's the stuff, Poldi? Your brother Vince, Poldi, is a nice kid. You don't want him to grow up here. If you had some dough, you could buy him and your old lady a place in the country. Country's good for kids, makes them healthy. Be good for you too, Poldi. You gotta get well. You're sick, Poldi, very, very sick, and you ain't gonna get well in this dump. I got a doc coming. He's a specialist, but he's gonna cost dough... a lot of dough. Now, where's the stuff, Poldi? What did you do with it? - What did Kochak bring? - All right, all right, all right! - We're gonna be friends. - What's going on here? How did you people get in this room? - Get off that bed. - Who sent for you? - Let's get out of here. - What are you doing here anyway? - Are you members of the family? - We're his best friends. - Well, clear out of here. - Don't do that. This man's got to be taken to a hospital immediately. - He ain't going to no hospital. - It just happens I've already reported the case. An ambulance is on its way over. Well, you can just send it back, because he ain't going to no hospital. His family have already agreed to hospitalization. I brung the doc. - Good morning, all. - How is he, miss? He's a very sick man. High fever, Doctor. - Uh-huh. - Oh. - Hot, very hot. - Fine. Rapid pulse, respiration difficult and uneven. - I phoned the hospital for an ambulance. They're on their way. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. He's gonna stay here. That's why we got the doc. Now, tell her, Doc. - But if the nurse says we... - Oh, Vince, you don't want Poldi... lying around some charity ward, do you, with some intern working on him? I had an aunt once went to the hospital. She never come out. - Oh, now, that's all right, son. We'll take care of him. - Doc... Probably just a touch of malarial fever. We'll have him on his feet in... But, Doctor, his respiration. He can barely breathe. It's probably some pulmonary complications. Now, there's no need to excite the family. - Yes, sir. I'm sorry. But don't you think a hospital... - You know these people. - Very superstitious. - Well, yes, but... And if you take the patient without permissión... All right, Doctor. - We can't force treatment on you, but if you'll take my advice... - Doc? That'll be all. Thank you, Nurse. Just escort the young lady downstairs, will you, son? Shouldn't have done it. Shouldn't have done it. - This man's in very bad shape. - Just fix him up so he can talk. Give him a shot of something. It's gonna take more than a shot to make him talk. - Well, whatever it is, give it to him. - He needs an oxygen tent. - He'd be better off going to a hospital. - He ain't going to no hospital. - You better fix him up now, Doc. - I tell you he needs an oxygen tent. - Send out for some. - Unfortunately, I am persona non grata... - in most of the medical supply houses. - What? Now, look, it's important for Poldi to talk to us, Doc. Very important. You understand me? Well, there's a little private place that I have access to. - It's rather an expensive proposition. - Never mind that. - We'll take care of that. How do we get him out of here? - If you can lift that mattress... and get him down to my car, we'll take care of him right now. All right, let's go. - It's on the third floor, Doctor, up those stairs. - Right. Thanks for reporting it. I think you'd better wait down here. - All right, hold it. - Out of the way, bub! We got a sick man here! - I'm a doctor. I want to take a look at him. - We got our own doctor. - Get out of the way. - Isn't his name Poldi? Put him down. I want to see. Get out of the way! Poldi! Poldi! I think his back's broken. - Hey, Officer! They've stolen my truck! They've stolen my truck! - Okay. All right, all right! - Hey, Officer... - They just killed Poldi! - What? - Danny, Gafney! Quarantine the whole place! They've stolen my truck! They've stolen my truck. Captain Warren to headquarters. Signal 50, coffee warehouse. Captain Warren to headquarters. Signal 50, coffee warehouse. Come on, Reed. Look, you two guys go over that way. Cover the roof of the building. You go out for help. Whoa, there. Stay right down here and post yourself. Block the inside. Come on! They kicked in the skylight and got through. - Put a line up around here right away. Now get going. - Right away. Hi, Tom. Got the emergency squads working. The riot trucks are comin' in. Hiya, Blackie! Well, well. Look what drifted back. - Hiya, Pete. - Where you been hidin', fella? - Ain't seen you in a dog's age. - Oh, I've been around. Yeah. A lot of the boys been asking for you. You figuring on coming back to work here? Nah, not me. I've had enough of this stuff. - Say, when's that fruit boat sailing? - The Honduras? Late this afternoon. She's unloaded already. Say, you ain't figuring on signing on, are you? She's got a full crew. - Well, I'll try her anyway. Take it easy, Pete. - Yeah, Blackie. Be good. If you can't be good, be careful. Get 'em, get 'em! - Hold those guys, Pete! - They mean you, Blackie. Get 'em, get 'em! Hold 'em, Pete! Don't start no trouble now, Blackie. I, uh... We'll start at opposite ends of the building and work... - Captain, they just shot a watchman in the warehouse. - That's it. Let's go. - Start issuing rifles, submachine guns. Get going. - We can't have those men shot. - They're no good to us dead. - No shooting? What are we supposed to do, play tag? - Who is this guy anyway? - Come on, Danny. Let me give you a rundown on this. I don't need no rundown. These are armed hoodlums. - I've got one man dead and two wounded already. - I know. Blackie, I can't go any further. We can't get out of here. - We got to quit. - You ain't quitting', Fitch. I'm gettin' on that fruit boat. Okay, if that's the way it is, starve them out or use gas, but I ain't taking responsibility. Gas? With a half a million dollars' worth of coffee? Are you... Where's Reed? Reed? You two men! Listen to me. I've got something to tell you. Keep going, down by that manhole. Keep going. Poldi had plague! I can't... I can't... - Shut up! - Do you hear me? Poldi had plague! Listen! Poldi had plague! I'm a doctor. I can cure you. - It's your only chance. - Blackie, he had plague. Look how he looked. You touched him. I touched him too. Maybe he's right. - Maybe we got the plague. - Shut up. I'm a doctor, and I can cure you. It's your only chance. Come out now and surrender, and I promise nothing'll happen to you. It's gotta be here. Get these sacks off. Reed! Reed! Where's the other man? All right, come on. Get out of there. Come on. Move it! Aah! Ow! Get off. Get off! Ow! I give up! I give up! Ow! - I'll tell you anything you want! - It's just a flesh wound. - Al, Bushway, get him out of here. - Come on! - Where's the other one? - Went along those straits. - Come on, fat boy. On your feet. - You all right? Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go. Captain, Captain! - Captain, there he is! - Oh, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. He ain't goin' no place. All right, Leo. All right. Now we've got to fish him out. Hey, I almost forgot to tell you. They found that case of perfume under the sink in Poldi's tenement. No customs stamps. - Perfume? - Yeah. - Is it worth anything? - Oh, about two or three hundred bucks. - Why, do you want a bottle? - No, thanks. Not today. Car 17, car 17. Thirty-seven at 23rd and Katina. Dog barking. - Back to the grind again, huh? - A barking dog. They got a lot to worry about... - sending a squad car out... - What are you getting so tough about? I don't know. So long, Clint. Keep me in mind, will you? Right, Captain. So long. - Hello there, Doctor. - Oh, hello there, Redfield. How are you? - All right. - Good. Say, Tommy tells me you haven't been around in a couple of days. You ought to spend some time with that boy. He's a great kid. - Yeah. Well, been kind of busy. - Your own son comes first, you know. - I'll get to work on it. - Say, by the way, ought not leave this out either. - Wood rots, you know. - Thanks. - Okay. - In a wild chase during which... one man was killed and the other captured. As a result, Dr. Mackey of the Board of Health... has been able to issue a bulletin that all contacts have been found and inoculated. Sounds like Mackey's got things under control. He's a good man. Turn it off. - Hi, honey. - Hi. Anything new around here? - Not a thing. - Hmm. - What's that? - Just a bill from the cleaners. Uniforms. Thought I forgot, didn't you? What a mushy dame. Visit bird-hd.info for more m720p Movies Encoded By bird (SINGING) You may be good for something but you ain't no good for me You may be good for something but you ain't no good for me You better pack your things Get out and let me be You never give me nothing but a low down pack of lies MAN 1: Hey, you. Come on. Let's go. MAN 2: Come on. Let's go. You're holding up the game! MAN 3: Sit down and play. (SPEAKING ARMENIAN) Over here. Here look. Can't play no more. Sit down. I'm sick. What's the matter with you? You can't quit now. Got to quit. Cold. Cold. I'm sick. You wasn't too sick to walk off the boat and win 190 bucks the first night you were in the country, was he, Blackie? You brung him, Poldi. You better tell him. What's the matter with you? (SPEAKS ARMENIAN) There'll be trouble, huh? Sick. Got a headache. Bad. No. Look... Look, buddy, Blackie don't like it. Blackie don't like nobody to walk out of a game. I'll talk to him, Blackie. I'll get him back. No, no, no! I want that money. All right. Let's get it. (TRAIN HORN BLOWING) (SHOTS FIRING) Need an ambulance? Not anymore. Drowned? No, he's shot twice. Must have crawled on this site. Recognize him? No, he ain't from around here. Some kind of foreigner. Foreigner, huh? Yeah, something like that. Call the meat wagon, will you? Come on, folks, let's get moving over here. Break it up. Let's go. Let's go, now. Hustle up. Hey, Matt, standing in that water ain't good for a cold. What is? Eddie. How's it going, man? The trouble with that little old boy is he just don't realize the honeymoon is over. So I says to him, "Man, if you wanna sell me a car, "you're gonna have to really sell it to me." Then I'm just sitting back and watching. Yes, sir. That's telling him, boy. You're working too hard again, Jerry. Thank you. Will you be able to make it for lunch? Well, I got a date with a couple of bullets out of this guy's chest. May take 30 or 40 minutes, but, yeah, I guess I can make it. Don't waste any time, 'cause I'm real hungry. Where do you want to go? I said where do you want to eat? I don't know. That place down the street's okay. I kind of like their spaghetti. Yeah, that's him. I figured we might try Rendezvous again. You interested in food or talking to that waitress? No, you don't pin that on me, Kleber. You're the guy she really went for. Maybe, but I don't know how she ever saw me the way you kept sticking your elbow in my face. Okay, okay. You win. We'll try the spaghetti. Okay? Hey, Kleber. Okay? Maybe not. This may take a little longer than I thought. All right. I'll wait for you. That the foreigner they just brought in, Kleber? Yeah. Better stay away from him. Got to tag him. I said stay away from him. What's the matter? I've got to tag him. Look, stay away from him. Get out. Just stay out of here. What's wrong? You're acting like... Just stay out. What's the matter with you? (CHATTERING) You're holding the brush wrong, Pop. Oh? Yeah, and you got too much paint on it. Mmm-hmm. How's that? Better. Thank you. Mr. Redfield says that's the worst thing you can do to get too much paint on the brush. Is that right? Mmm-hmm. Why don't you let me do it for you? Okay. You better take it easy, now. You don't wanna get paint all over those pants. Hiya, Tommy. Hi, Mr. Redfield. Teaching your pop how to paint? Sure. Hello, Doctor. How are you? Great boy you have there. Thank you. Thank you. See you Saturday, Mr. Redfield. Sure. Sure. Anytime you like. If things get dull, just drop right on over, hear? Bye. Who's that? Mr. Redfield. He's a painter. Yeah, so I gathered. He lives in the big house down on the corner. You ought to see it, Pop. It's full of all kinds of stuff, and he has electric trains and everything. Must be great. Hey, you know what I think is the matter with this stuff? What? It's too thick. No. It's too thick. Look at it. I'm gonna thin it. Find the turpentine. Electric trains yet. NANCY: Clint? Clint, telephone. Not here. It's Gafney from the office. Tell him I went to Alaska. He's waiting, Clint. Bosh. What's your problem? Pop, can I have a quarter? What happened to your allowance? It's for the movies, Pop. All the kids are going. Uh-uh. No. Come on, Pop. Now, look, old boy, you're supposed to get 50 cents a week. Pop, money just goes. You know how it is. Yeah, I've got a pretty good idea. Well... Take it. You're a pest. Thanks, Pop. I knew you would. CLINT: Yeah, I knew it too. The first day I've had off in six weeks. I just about get used to it when the phone rings. What am I supposed to be, anyhow? The only one in that office that knows what to do? Tell Gafney. He called, not me. I should have had it disconnected. Paul? I thought I told you I was gonna take the whole day off. Yeah. What do you mean there's something funny about him? Yeah? Well, all right. I'll come down. Hold everybody there that had any contact with the body in case it is something. No, I'd rather you stayed there. Yeah, I know. It's all right. I'll see you. Serious? No, it's always a crisis with those boys when they can't diagnose something. I don't suppose that cleaner remembered to bring back my... Well, what happened to him all of a sudden? Go ahead and change. I'll bring it in. Hey, Mom, isn't lunch ready yet? I'm hungry. You and your father. Yippee! CLINT: And Al Jerio asked me to go hunting today with him down in the bayous. I know. I know. What's the rush? Got to meet the kids. We're going to a movie. Movie? What are you planning to use for money? I got it. Nope, I told him just gonna stay home, lie around all day. Not gonna shave. Just slop around. Old clothes. Drink a couple... TOMMY: Oh, Mom! Now what? Take a little nap in the afternoon. Have an early dinner. Just take the whole day off. Relax. You know what I mean? Did you give Tommy a quarter for the movies? Well, yeah. Weren't you the one that decided we'd give him a regular allowance to teach him about money? Well, yeah, I did, honey, but you see... Look, he may be an only child, but I'm not gonna have him act like one. Here. I gave you the answer to that one two years ago. Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting tired of always being the heavy in the piece. Okay, okay. Incidentally, since you're being so free with your money... What? Holy smoke. The bill from Whitfield's. Uh-huh. The same one. What happened to your allowance? You're kidding, of course. $42, and I'm fresh out. Again? Still. And you've been promising to pay it, Clint. It's getting embarrassing, really. I'm afraid to go down to the store. What, for $42? Let them wait. I never saw the day old Massa Whitfield broke his neck getting anything over here. $42. Listen, one of these days, we'll walk into that store and pay cash. One of what days? Well, one of these days. Uh-huh. When one of those oil companies decides that they can't lay a pipeline in Arabia without the services of Dr. Clinton Reed. All right. The man with the high forehead and the disposition of an old... Honey? Hey, Clint. What? I like high foreheads. Yeah, I'll bet you do. Well, it happens. Don't think it doesn't. They've taken a lot of guys from the department. Bill Mosely works for an industrial chemical company. I know they have, honey. Well, it could happen to me, too, just like having that other baby. One of these days, huh? You're a fresh dame. Pretty, though. Hmm? You just about get by. I got to get out of here. Hey. What? Try and get in early if you can, won't you? Yeah, I'll try. Honey? Mmm-hmm? Why don't you let Tommy have this quarter? Why don't you get out of here? Bye. Bye. She took the quarter. Yeah. Well, that's life, huh, sport? Well, I got to get to work. NANCY: Tommy, dear. Don't sit through it more than twice, will you, dear? What do you make of that tissue, Ben? I don't know, but I don't like it. This one's a specimen of his sputum, and here's one of the bullets Kleber recovered. Yeah, let me see that slide. It's practically pure culture. Get them away from that body. Okay, fellas. That's all. Let's go. Just wait outside for a minute, will you, fellas, with the others? Any way to pull these shades? Sure, Doc. Can you get this man cremated? Well, I suppose I can. I don't want any supposing, Ben. I want him cremated right now. Set it up, will you? Kleber. Yes, sir. I want everything that's touched him burned or sterilized. Do you understand me? Sure, Doc. Paul, get those slides into a sterilizer right away, will you? Right. Say, they sent over the serum and the streptomycin. Good. Hey, Kleber, what's going on around here? Any report on who killed this man, Sergeant? No. Any leads? No, sir. I don't think so. Well, do you know, or don't you? This is important. Well, sure, Doc. Has anyone been able to identify the body? No, sir. Nobody. We sent the fingerprints off to the FBI, but we haven't heard anything from them yet. Have you got everybody here who had anything to do with the body? Yeah. The fingerprint men, photographers, patrolmen who found him. Nearly everybody. What do you mean, "nearly"? There's Billy Hall. He... Get him. Now? Yes, now. Right away. Sure, Doc. Call Billy Hall. Have him come down right away. MAN: Now? Yeah, right now. Thanks. Will you have these people line up, please? Let's form a line, fellows. You ready, Paul? Come on. Shake it up here. Press a line here. This is Dr. Reed from Government Health Service. This will only take a minute. As a precautionary measure, we're going to inoculate all of you, so if you'll just take your coats off, roll up your sleeves. Hurry it up, Paul. They'll start asking questions. Kleber, would you mind helping out? Okay, Doc. And thanks. That was a fine job. You did just the right thing. I appreciate it. Well, thank you, Doctor. Give them each two CCs. I fixed it to have him cremated. Swell. Help Kleber down at the end, will you, Ben? Start down at the other end. Here's the alcohol. All right. Let's get this over with quickly, please. Give me the first one, Paul. What's in them things, Doc? Nothing. Just a little serum. Serum for what? I told you. Precautionary measures. Yeah. Precautionary, but for what? For what? Well, it's possible the dead man may have had some communicable disease. I don't have to take one of those shots. I can quarantine you for 10 days. Hold still, or this is going to hurt. CLINT: Aside from isolated cases... Okay, I'll see you, Murph. In the past 20 years, there's been at least one major outbreak. In November of 1924 in Los Angeles, California, a woman died of what was thought to be pneumonia. Thirty-two people had had contact with her, and within four days, before the disease could be correctly diagnosed and contained, twenty-six of them had died, and they died suddenly, violently and horribly. The disease was finally found to be pneumonic plague. Pneumonic plague is the pulmonary form of bubonic, the Black Death of the Middle Ages, and its death incidence is practically 100%. Who'd you say he was? I'm Dr. Reed of the United States Public Health Service, and one of the jobs of my department is to keep plague out of this country. Sit down. Sit down. Don't let me interrupt you. Speak to somebody about it, will you, please? Come on, Mary. Has Dr. Reed filled you in on this? Are you finished, Doctor? Well there's not much more, Mr. Mayor. Bubonic plague, as you probably know, is spread by the rat flea, which is why we watch all ships and ports. Pneumonic, on the contrary, can be spread like a common cold on the breath, sneezes, or sputum of its victims. Very interesting, but I don't quite see why we were called into this. Because this morning, right here in the city, your police found the body of a man who was infected with this disease. Well, Dan, what about it? Our reports show the man died with two bullet wounds. He did. Heart and lungs. Death was probably instantaneous. Right, Tom? Yes, sir. We had a police surgeon... Regardless of what the police surgeon said, he would have died within 12 hours. But what he did die of was two bullet holes. He had pneumonic plague. But he died of... Drop it, Tom. Dr. Mackey? As you know, Mr. Mayor, I wasn't there. Ben was there when the body was brought in, but I can go now and check. I had the body destroyed. You had it destroyed? It was the prime source of contamination. I had Ben cremate it. I see. What else have you done, Mackey? Why, I... Everyone who came in contact with the body has been inoculated, everyone we know of... That's right. With serum and streptomycin. And now, I think they ought to be isolated. We can have them watched. We know who they are, all but one, the man who killed him. Or men. TOM: Mr. Mayor, this man was shot. The killer wasn't within 10 feet of him. I can prove it. Was he shot on that riverbank, Captain? Of course not. He was dumped off the Canal Street Pier about 5:00, 5:30. How did he get to the Canal Street Pier? How do I know? Somebody must have... The point is that whoever dumped him there may very well be walking around with incipient plague at this moment. Now wait a moment. No. We've got to work on the supposition the doctor's right. Dan, looks like your job. All right, sir. I'll do what I can. But after all, we don't know the identity of the dead man. We have no possible idea of the motivation. And you haven't got much time, Mr. Quinn. Also, we haven't got the body. Did you empty out his pockets? I had everything burned. Great. If the killer is incubating pneumonic plague, he can start spreading it within 48 hours. Forty-eight hours? Yes. We have 48 hours. Shortly after that, you'll have the makings of an epidemic. Commissioner, what's the use of kidding ourselves? We can't turn up an unknown killer in two days. He's absolutely right, Mr. Mayor. The police department can't be held responsible for this. Now, if you want to believe the doctor here... I'm sorry, sir, but frankly, I honestly don't. But if you want to believe him, there's only one way to handle this. Give the story to the press. You get on the radio... CLINT: And have everybody who was in contact with the dead man leave town? You can't give it to the press! I may be an alarmist, I may be entirely wrong about the whole matter, but I've seen this disease work. And I'm telling you if it ever gets loose, it can spread over the entire country, and the result will be more horrible than any of you can imagine. And the key to the whole thing lies right here, now, in the next 48 hours. You can take me at my word. Whatever you like. What can we do? Find this man. Dan, put your best men on it. Yes, sir. Tom, you work with the doctor. Anything else you need, ask for it. Mackey. Thank you. We'll give him all the assistance possible. That's it, gentlemen. All right, Tom. Make your arrangements with the doctor here. I'll be on call waiting for a report. Take any emergency action you feel necessary. Annapolis man? No. Why? No reason. Hope I wasn't too rough. On me? No. No, I meant the rest of them. I still have a feeling they don't believe me. I just know how serious this can be. I was trying to put it across to them. Mmm-hmm. Now I'd start worrying about what you're gonna do when we don't turn up with your boy. Just a minute, Captain. Hi, Cap. Hello, Josh. If this is the attitude you're gonna start out with, we're not going to get far. Mr. Reed, I was assigned to this. I'll do the best I can. But let's not get the idea that I'm a sailor in your navy. Now, wait a minute... Hello, Warren. I've been looking for you. You found me, and you're interrupting me. Heard you had a meeting. Little pitchers. Had Mackey and the Board of Health in too. What's the score? Some complaints about your newspaper. We figure we ought to fumigate it. Now you know you can't hide anything. When it breaks, I'll spell your name wrong. That's what I told them. We just ought to fumigate you. You boys worry me when you take off on your own. No sense in our both worrying. Goodbye, Neff. Now wait a second, Warren. Goodbye, Neff. Where are you going, Mr. Reed? I don't know. That depends on you. Listen, Doctor, I've got a job to do, just a routine sort of thing, like rounding up every possible suspect. I'm supposed to be pretty good at my job, so why don't I call you if I need you? Are you implying you'd like to get rid of me, Captain? No, but... Then I'll go with you. Come on. COP 1: What do you call that? Hi, Johnny. Hello, Mr. Neff. Good seeing you. You call that a concealed weapon? You think you can hold me on this? Where were you with it last night? Last night? Why, I was home shucking oysters. What goes on here, Charlie? Who knows? Your wife says you didn't come home all night. She didn't come home all night. She don't know what she's talking about. I tell you, I got a right to a lawyer. You can't just haul me in without a lawyer. Why don't you shut up? COP 2: You meet a lot of guys. You ever see this one? What kind of a crack is that? So I hang around the Roost once in a while. Does that make me an information bureau? Listen, buddy, I happen to be a personal friend of Charley Sweeney, see? And he ain't gonna like this. Or maybe Charley Sweeney can tell me where you was at last night. Why don't you call him and find out? He'll have me out of here in 20 minutes. Well, for 20 minutes, you'll tell me where you was at last night. You can't do this to me. I'm a citizen, and I got rights. Raymond Fitch, laundry attendant. 1943, petty larceny. 30 days. 1945, petty larceny. 90 days. Shall I go any further? No, forget it. Mind if I smoke? Trying to get away from cigarettes. Put it out. You ever see this guy? No, I never seen this guy. Well, look. I mean, I've never seen this guy. What are you asking me for? A kisser like that, you see it, you remember it, huh? Where were you last night all night? Last night? Last night. Oh, yeah. I went to see my mother-in-law. She was wrestling semifinals... Where were you? I was only kidding. Actually, me and my wife went to see a movie. Where were you, fat boy? What's the matter? You don't believe me? I think you're a constitutional liar. Lot of people have told me the same thing. I don't mind. Of course, the body was burned, sir, so we don't have too much. The boys who did examine him, say he may be an Armenian, Czech, or mixed blood. Approximate age, 42, height, 5'9", weight, 143. Suit made in Haifa, shoes in Buenos Aires. You ought to notify the immigration authorities immediately. Get rid of him. All right. Let's go. Keep going, Scott. Mobile, Tampa, and other Gulf ports have no record of him, sir. Anything else? Let's see. The FBI has no record on him. Our lab found traces of fish, rust-resistant paint, and salt in his clothes. The fish traces could be shrimp. Well, it's certainly positive he came in off a boat. Unless he walked through a fish market, bought four pounds of shrimp, and brushed against a freshly painted fire escape. I suppose those are all the photographs we have? Those are the only ones, sir. The emergency shifts are coming in now, sir. Okay. Captain, the boys are sort of wondering why they have to take these shots. They've been wondering, have they? Where do they think they are, in a summer camp? Because the Commissioner said so, that's why. That's what I told them. Yes, sir. What's the matter? They afraid of a little needle? They been wondering. Roll up your sleeve. What do you mean? What do you think you're gonna do? Roll up your sleeve. Why should I take one of those things? Because the Commissioner said so, and I told the Commissioner. Roll it up. Anything funny, Scott? No, sir. No, sir. Oh, brother. This I've got to see. What's the matter? You guys ain't got enough work to do? Yes, sir. Plenty of it, Captain. Well, get on it! Yeah. How about that? Well, you can't say you're not getting action. There's half the two-bit criminals in town. More of them coming through. I wish you sounded more confident of getting information. Information? We'll get plenty of it about pickpockets, sneak-thieves, wife-beaters. But about your murderer? Not a chance. If it isn't gonna work, what are you doing it for? I'm doing it because the Commissioner told me to. And I'm doing it this way, because it's the only way you let me. But why I'm doing it, I don't know. How can I make you believe... Believe it? Why shouldn't I believe you, Doctor? You're a smart fellow, a college man. You probably wouldn't make something out of nothing just to be important. Mister, what are we here for? I ought to be home. You know, my mother always told me if you look deep enough in anybody, you'd always find some good, but I don't know. With apologies to your mother, that's the second mistake she made. I should have seen that one coming. Do you drink coffee, Captain? Yeah. Come on. I'll buy you a cup. I'm busy. I want to buy you a cup. I'm busy. Come on. Let's see if you can drag that load across the street. Let's go. (UPBEAT JAZZ PLAYING) Look, Captain, do you have a family? Are you married? No. My wife died eight years ago. I'm sorry. The doc I got said she had neuralgia. She didn't. It was a brain tumor. You don't think much of me as a doctor either, do you? Keep asking questions, Doc, you finally get answers. No. You mind if I ask why? Government job in civil service. 30 years, a pension. What do you make? I think it runs about the same as a police captain. Thanks, lady. See that? Probably phoned his lawyer to sue us for false arrest. Look, Warren, the reason I asked if you have a family was that... Well, I thought if you had some children, you might realize the seriousness of this. I haven't got any kids. Well, thousands of people do. And think what could happen to them... I'll think anything you like, but I'll still say I'm doing everything I can. Look, this man came off a boat. He was obviously smuggled into the country. We've checked every boat, we've combed the waterfront, and we're hauling in every man who could possibly know anything about it. From what I've seen, they may not want to talk to the police. Maybe they don't. Maybe they want to talk to their mothers. Maybe they want to talk to you. What can I do about it? Offer a reward. Promise immunity for information. And get a couple more experts from Washington to help me out. Well, you could use them. You'll never see the day. Look, do you mind if I do something on my own? Yes, I do. Well, what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and watch? Listen, Captain, I'm taking a chance you may be right. You can take a chance I know what I'm doing and let me do it! As a matter of fact, you'd help us both out if you went home and went to bed. Okay, I'm not gonna argue anymore. And I'm not gonna wait until the facts penetrate that thick skull of yours. There just isn't that much time. There's for the coffee. Hiya, honey. You look great. You got that stuff all packed, Angie? My suits and them two sweaters? I got them. What are they after you for this time? Angie, why do you want to talk like that for? I told you it's just a trip. Blackie says... Blackie, Blackie! He runs you around like a dog on a leash! He's my boss, ain't he? He's a big goon! He pays me every week. Then he's a bigger boob than you been saying he was! Why don't you stand up to him sometime? Why don't you tell him off? Angie, will you shut up? What are you hanging around outside for? Why don't you get inside? And be alone with that big ape? Do you think I've lost my buttons? Blackie? Blackie? Hurry up! Blackie? I wasn't long, was I? I packed everything like you told me. Can I bring your stuff down for you, Blackie? Who's that with you? Just Angie. Is she coming? She's my wife. What am I gonna do with her? First, tell her to get away from them machines. Angie, will you get away from there? Blackie don't like nobody fooling with them washing machines. ANGIE: Too late. They're falling apart now. Anything I don't like is a smart-cracking dame. Hey, get away from there! Yes, you. What do you want me to do, just stand here? Will you tell her what she's supposed to do? Relax, will you, Angie? We'll be leaving in a minute. Huh, Blackie? You should have stayed single. Well, you know how it is. She was working as... Where's Poldi? I told you to bring Poldi. I know you did, Blackie. I went right over there, I told him what you said, but he don't want to go. He don't want to go? Why don't he want to go? What's the matter with him? I don't know, Blackie. He was getting dressed to go out. He said he was taking this dame out. He said he didn't want to go. I told him all about what was happening. Where does he get the dough to go out? He never had a quarter. You ever know Poldi when he had a quarter? Well, that's right. He's always borrowing from somebody. So where does he get the dough? Why is he all of a sudden taking a dame out? You know, I got a hunch about him. He could stay here, Blackie. Yeah, I got a hunch about him. But, look, Blackie. Let's get going. I tell you, they're picking everybody up. They ain't gonna pick me up. You see them machines? That's business. Legitimate, even. They ain't gonna pick up a legitimate businessman. They're picking up legitimates. They picked me up. They're picking everybody up. That's just it. Why? Why are they picking everybody up, Fitch? Why? I don't know, Blackie, but let's get moving. You don't know? You got a high-school education. You're a smart fellow. You don't know? Figure it out. This guy Kochak is just a floater. He comes in off a boat, gets very unsocial, even pulls a knife that he's gonna use on Poldi. So they turn the town upside-down for one crumb. They got every cop in town huffing and puffing trying to find out who he is. Why are they doing that? Blackie, I don't know. Then I'll figure it out for you. I got a hunch he brung something in, see? I got a hunch he brung something in, and they're looking for it. Only, he ain't got it. And you know why? His friend Poldi's got it. Poldi? Do you think he would do something like that? He was his cousin, wasn't he? I told you I had a hunch about that guy, and I was right. But Poldi's a nice guy. He wouldn't do nothing. He's trying to put something over on me, Fitch. I saved his life, and that's how he repays me. You know, Fitch, there's one thing I don't like. You know what it is? Sure, Blackie, sure. Somebody trying to put something over on you. No, I never liked it. You find Poldi. I want to see him. No, Blackie! No! Let's get out of town! I'm scared, I tell you! They'll pick me up again. Angie, will you stop with that? They picked you up once. They ain't gonna do it again. Blackie, I don't know where Poldi went! I don't know where to look for him! I'm gonna get out of town. Look. I just told you I don't like nobody putting anything over on me. Particularly you, Fitch! Poldi ain't leaving town, and you ain't leaving neither! Okay, Blackie. Sure. Get your hands off him, you big ape! Angie, stay away from him! I'll get him. I'll find him. Thank you, Fitch. I swear I will. Come on, Angie. Let's go. What am I gonna do with them suitcases I packed? Unpack them. Come on, Angie. Hurry up. Fitch. I hope you're not planning on leaving town anyway. I wouldn't do that. Where would you go? Yeah, that's right. Where would I go? Is this the seaman's hiring hall? Yeah, this is it. They're trolling the ships now. Thanks a lot. MAN ON MIC: On the Joseph Martin, Fitzgerald Steamship Company, a Liberty Ship, going to Rio, sailing at 7:00 in the morning. Two abs. We have 11:25 and 11:27. They're going. They're going. They're gone. Do this guy a favor. Thank you. On the steamship Pelican, Louisiana Steamship Company, a C2 going to Yokohama, sailing at noon. Two oilers. Say, fellow, do you mind if I make an announcement? Just take a second. I have 11:28 and 11:29. They're going. They're going. They're gone. Grab the mike a minute, Leo? That's swell. Thanks very much. Could I have your attention, please? Could I have your attention? This is very important. I have some pictures of a man here. I'll pass them out right away. Would you take care of those, please? Would you mind, sir? Thank you. Now, please take a good look at him. I'll pay $50 to anyone who can tell me anything at all about him. Anything. I'm not from the police, so you can't get into any trouble. I just want the information, and I'm willing to pay for it. Thank you very much. Thanks an awful lot. Thank you, sir. Okay, buddy. Okay. Anybody that's ever seen this man speak right up, will you? I never saw him before. I never saw him, either. Anybody that can tell me anything at all? How about it? I've never seen him before. I've never seen him, Mac. I've never seen him. You got the dough on you, Johnny? Can you tell me anything? I can tell you you're taking a terrific chance flashing that kind of dough around this mob. Shipping is tough. You can say that again. (MEN LAUGHING) I'm serious about this. Any information at all. Even if you just think you've ever seen him. What's this fellow done, lad? Nothing. There's no trouble. Let me give you a bit of advice. These fellows are not liable to talk around here. What do you mean? He's liable to be a seaman too. That's right, bud. I got you. Thanks. No trouble at all. Look, if anybody knows anything about him, I'll be at Frank's Place right next door here until 7:00. You can ask any questions you want to. You can give me the information if you want to do that, okay? You buy the coffee, mate? I'll buy your breakfast, your lunch, and your dinner if you can find me anybody who knows this man. MAN ON MIC: We have three Liberties coming out of the boneyard. We'll need three full crews. ...steamship company, sailing Friday. One boatswain and two ordinaries. On the boatswain, we have 11:25. It's going. (UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) MAN 1: Throw that sugar down, will you? MAN 2: Come on with those eggs, Frank. I got to make the 7:00 bus, you hear? FRANK: I'm coming. I'm coming. That's the one. That's the one. Can I speak to you? Sure. Go right ahead. Are you the man who's looking for someone? Yeah, as a matter of fact, I was. Someone looking for $50? That's right. Well, he said for you to come with me. Will you? "He" said? Who's he? Are you coming? Yeah. It's cold down here by the water. Yeah. Now, what was it you wanted to know? I want to know if your friend has ever seen this man. Why? Because obviously, I want to find out about him. He do something wrong? No, he did nothing wrong. Nobody's gonna get into any trouble. Have you ever seen him? No. No, I never seen him. Come on. Come on. Then where is this friend of yours? He wanted to know why you were looking. He did, huh? Well, if he wants to know so badly, let him come and ask me. I'm... What are you doing here? Where'd you come from? Cut it out. Who are you, a cop? I'm with the Public Health Service. I'm a doctor. A doctor? That's right. I'm a doctor. I want to know who this man is, how he got into the country, what ship he was smuggled off. That's a lot of wanting for 50 bucks. That's all you're gonna get. Take it or leave it. Charlie, I told you not to drink anymore. I told you yesterday to keep away from me. Did you bring this man into the country? No. Because if you did, there's a good chance you're gonna die in about four days. Who are you trying to kid? Nobody. I'm trying to save you. You're a sailor. Did you ever hear of plague? Plague? This man died of it yesterday morning. He's making it up. I'm not making it up. No, I don't think he... Trying to frame me! I ain't never seen this guy. I ain't been out of port in 10 days, and I can prove it. Okay. If you didn't bring him in or have any contact with him, then you've got nothing to worry about. No, wait! Let him go! No, I won't! Get out of here! You told me yourself, Charlie, that the man was sick when you brought him here. Why, you stupid little fool. Take it easy. Charlie, please. He's a doctor. He ought to know what he's doing. This is $50. This is anti-plague serum. Charlie? Now, roll up your sleeve and start talking. Hold this, will you? I got him off a tramp out in the Gulf. I don't know his name, and I know nothing about him. I swung the whole deal with one of the mates. What ship? I don't know. You know. It was night. I couldn't see. What ship? Give him the shot, Doc, please. What's the name of that ship? I said I don't know. Look, sailor, this is the only hypodermic I've got, and it breaks very easily. Now, start talking, or you're gonna get into trouble. Charlie! All right. It was the Nile Queen. Are you sure? Yeah, I'm sure. All right. Hold still. Roll up your sleeve. Now hold still. Bring them aboard. I'm going to finish my breakfast. Aye, aye, sir. Couldn't he have been aboard without your knowledge, Captain? No, he couldn't. This is a waste of your time and mine. The sooner you go over the side, the sooner I can get underway again. Pass the word to the engine room to stand by to get underway. Have any luck? Nothing. Did he tell you anything? He told me nothing. Let's go. You've cost me two hours delay already with this heaving to. Look, Captain, the man I spoke to was positive the ship was the Nile Queen. For the last time, I'm telling you, I never saw the man in my life. Anyone who says he was smuggled in off my ship is a liar. A man exposed to pneumonic plague doesn't lie. I say he did. All right, Captain. Is he gonna call me a liar too? I'm calling you a fool! Okay, I'll get off your ship, but if that man was aboard, you and most of your crew will be dead before you're halfway to Santiago! I'll worry about that! Take it easy! Take it easy! We're in international waters. This man is master of this vessel. We have no authority here. Come on. Let's go. (SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE) What did you find out? Well, from the tracings on those beams, Clint, I can guarantee 150 to 170 rats on this ship. What did I tell you? You men hear that? Rats! And they might be carrying plague! Hey, what's going on down there? Boatswain, get those men out of there, all of them! Get back to work! All right, boys. Let's start moving. No, we want to hear what he's saying. Yeah, we want to hear. Never mind what he's saying. Get moving. Don't shove me! (MEN CLAMORING) Mr. Anson, break out the weapons, mister, and stand by. Stop bluffing, Captain! You've got plague on this ship. You're inciting my men to mutiny. Now get off of here before I take action against you! Your men know it's true! Wasn't there another man onboard who died just last week? I'm the master here, and for the last time I'm telling you... Doc! (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) One of your cooks is down with fever. Oh, Peter. Oh, Gerry, you little thing! OK. This must be the best birthday party there has ever been. You must both work very hard. I have said, "Leaves all to Spiro," to Mrs Durrells, who is a...a saint, a Madonna. Lugaretzia, you must forget all about your bleeding gums. (Gibbers) (Angry exchange in Greek) (Chokes) You must remember you are the ex-butler to the kings of Greeces, and you must not drink! The honour of Spiro is at stake. Work, work, work! Work! Work. Thank you. You must forget all this nonsense about marriage, Margo. Well, I haven't shot a man yet. But I'm not adverse to doing so. - Look. - Aw. (Laughs) More animals. Isn't he sweet? Doesn't Peter look handsome? He bought a new suit. Yes, he looks very smart. - Oh, dear Gerry. - (Puppy whimpers) You're the only one who understands. One false move and you're a dead man. I am so sorry I'm late, but my wife has just been delivered of a baby. - Oh, congratulations. - Thank you. We must drink to them both. Ah. - Lugaretzia. Thank you. - Thank you. What's this, doctors? You gets babies? A boy. A boy, Spiro. But you got lots and lots alreadys. - How many this time? - Six. - That's all. - That's all? That's all, that's all? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Six. But I love children. Yes, how nice. Is too manys, Mrs Durrells. Maybe it's all right for cats and dogs. (Laughs) Listen, listen, listen. When I get married... I ask my wife, "How many you wants?" And she says twos. So I give her twos. - Then I get her sewed up. - (Snorts) Honest to Gods, it's disgusting, it's like cats and dogs. Six. - Six! - Oh, the cake. Where's Gerry? (Cheering) (Speaks Greek) Happy birthday! (♪ Fiddle plays a jig) (Guests) Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey. Hey. Hey, Theo. Hey, Spiro. Come on. Do you like it? Really? It's wonderful. The best boat and the best present I've ever had. Do you like the colour? It's green and white inside. Tell you what, though, it was jolly hard work. - Wonderful. - Come on, lads. A little further along. - I suppose we should wait. - Right. After three. Right. One, two, three. (Cheering and applause) (Theo) Well done. Flat-bottomed, you see, very safe. It's not like an ordinary boat. It's round, isn't it? Yes, well, the planks came up a bit short. But it's the best shape there is for a boat with regard to safety, because in an emergency you can go anywhere you like. It looks wonderful. It looks just like a dung beetle. (Laughter) - Why don't you call it the Jolly Roger? - No, not a good name. - Are you sure it's safe? - Safe as houses. It needs a sort of fat name. - Er, Arbuckle? - Oh, yes. Oh, tasteless. - Ark. Call it Ark. - No. Oh, all right. Here, Margo, you get hold of the nose. Give her the rope, Larry. - And yes, Peter. - Yes? Make yourself useful while Gerry thinks of a name, then we can christen her. - If you jump in. - But this is a new suit. In the boat, you fool, not the water. We must breaks the bottles. Right now, you see... - Oh! - Careful. - All right? - You see that socket there, Peter? Yes, the one in front, yes, that's it. Put the mast in there. - In the socket. - Oh, I see it. Yes. Good lord, he's done it. I know, I shall call it Bootle. - (Mrs Durrell) Oh, that's a good name, dear. - I have heard of it. I was gonna suggest Bumtrinket. Why? Well, it's a very fat name, Bumtrinket. (Mrs Durrell) I've told you, Larry, you're not to teach Gerry things like that. Wonderful. I shall call it the Bootle Bumtrinket. Not in front of strangers, if you don't mind. - All right. Well, she's ready to christen now. - Yes. Here is the wines, Gerry. - I name this ship the Bootle Bumtrinket. - (Cheering) (Screams) Oh, Peter! (Laughter) Well, what do you know? - You want to drown him on purpose! - (Leslie) It's not deep enough. (Larry) Oh, I don't know. A man can drown in a couple of inches. (All laugh) Oh, I hate you all! He'll drown! He'll drown! (Laughs) Oh, you are the most dreadful boys. (Gerry) Thank you, Leslie. It's the most wonderful present. You forgot the mast... Well, I think perhaps my present is, erm... Well, er, many happy returns of the day. A small memento. Perhaps in the circumstances, a welcome addition to your library. - Life in Ponds and Streams. - (Laughs) (Laughter continues) I'm sorry. I don't swim very well, Margo. Oh, don't... (Coughs) You deliberately humiliated him! (Shrieks) Thank you, Mother, for a wonderful party. Isn't my boat wonderful? And I got this book from Theodore. Yes. What a party. Good. Good. Oh, what larks. (Sighs) What are you going to call the puppies? Er, Widdle and, er... Puke. - What do you think, Theo? - Oh, another foot. It's only four foot now. All right, then. Look what Mother's made. Oh, marvellous. Hmm... Gerry, going for a swim? - Yes. - Do. The best time for swimming on Corfu, the late afternoon. Cooler than the, um... Hm. We're very far from the sea on this island. Leslie, you're so clever. Am I? Oh. Well... You've got to know something about boats, haven't you? And the sea and things. Come on, then. Out you come. It's ready. What do you think? Oh, yes. She looks very seaworthy. Compact. Yes. Compact. - Well, it's just a matter of balance, really. - I like Mother's flag. It's called a pennant. It shows you which way the wind's blowing, you see. Jump in and we'll get her going. You hold the stern, Theo. Yes, er, yes. I'll just get this rowlock. There. Lovely. - Have the oars. - Yes. - Ready? - Right. And off you go. Really quite stable. Of course. It works. It works! What a day! Are you feeling awfully? I am, Gerry. You haven't had a good meal for days, I would feel jolly unwell if I didn't eat. You at least understand. The others are louts. Larry's an intelllectual lout and Leslie's just a lout. I'm glad to see you're in the sunshine at last, it can't do you any good to moon about in your room. I don't moon, I've got a broken heart, you silly little boy. I fell in, trying to catch a crab with an ane-nome (anemone) on its back. The interesting thing is, the crab put it there. It does. - It helps it catch things. - Go away! I liked Peter, pity he's gone. Yes, you did. I'm sorry. But still go away. I was going anyway! I'm starving! Oh, dear. I almost thought a little food might pass her lips tonight. She even nibbled at a piece of toast this morning - I shall tear It up. - Good idea. Oh, no! We've all agreed that letters are sacrosanct. You tore up mine. They were from Paris. From my friends. I don't approve of your friends in Paris. And I apologised. It was in fact an accident. No, we must give It to her. We could steam It open. Thoroughly dishonest, mother. I'm only doing It for Margo, I'd do the same for you. - Please don't. - You snatched those letters from me, that's how they were torn. It could be delayed. Oh, what a good idea, Leslie. Just until we've got some food inside her. - He is comings. - What do you mean, Spiro? I think so. Mister Peters, he is coming to take her away. I knows it. I should not have broughts it. I should have thrown myself off the cliff with it. That's very kind of you, Spiro, but we do rely on you for mail. If he is comings, I will get the boys onto him. He will not be safe anywhere on the islands. And If he shows his faces, I will rubs him out. But he is comings, mark my words. I knows the heart. (Speaks Greek) It is, er...very Greek to have this passion, where the food cannot get to the belly - and you throws. - Look, look at the size of them! Aren't they beautiful? (Chirps) Ooh! Ohh! You shouldn't show Spiro things like that, you know he's got a weak stomach. I know and I am careful, but these are beautiful creatures, aren't they? Yes, they are, dear, they're... They're...they're lovely. Aren't they, Larry? - Leslie? - Exquisite. Er, pretty. It's just that everyone doesn't see things in the same way that y...that we do. And I've only just got Margo eating again. Please, Gerry. Poor Spiro. - It's all right, Spiro. - Uhh. (Frogs chirp quietly) (Sighs) Ohh. Gollys, Master Gerrys. Why do you show me such things? I'm sorry I rushes off, Mrs Durrells but honest the gods, when I see one of them bastards... I just has to throws and I think is better that I throws outside than in heres. Absolutely, Spiro. They're the most horrible things I've ever seen. - Yes, to be honest. - Oh. (Quiet chirping) Please, don't ever show them things to me again, Master Gerrys. - Please. - (Chirping) Excuse me. (Chirping) I hope you've washed your hands, Gerry. Yes. Where are they? Safely under my bed. I think aesthetically you are all limited. Eh? If you don't mind me saying so. You might be right. I'm starving. Well, you wouldn't be, had you come down earlier. - It won't have ruined Leslie's appetite. - Lord, no. Nothing can do that. I'm glad to hear that you're hungry, Margo. Spiro had to throws. - Leslie. - Just making conversation, mother. Did he bring the mail? Yes. Would you mind waiting until we've eaten? No, not at all. As I said, I'm starving. (Sobs quietly) (Sobs) Margo? He's coming for me. So there! Best thing he could do. What does she mean? I think he intends to carry her off. That is an excellent idea. It is not, and you must stop saying such things, Larry. She's a very young girl and she's your sister. That's right. We must mount a 24-hour guard. - Thank you, Leslie. - Don't rely on me. Oh, no, look at her. I don't want him to. I've only just started to eat again. Right, mother, I shall kill two birds with one stone. There's been a certain amount of petty pilfering. I shall set a trap. Hello, Geronimo, you're early tonight. "Cecily, the praying mantis, "devouring her mate, while they mate. "He's still mating, though half-eaten." (Chirruping) Did you know she was eating him - all of the time they were mating? - Ha! This'll get him. Who? Erm, Peter what's-his-name. If he comes back for Margo. And it'll stop that pilfering from the jetty. First sound... bang. I've got Spiro out on patrol, down there. And he's got all his cousins watching the port. Right. Block your ears, Gerry. (Loud bang) (Music on wireless) Cecily is pregant. Don't look at me. - Or me. - Who's Cecily, dear? My praying mantis, she's pregant. Oh, that's nice. Here comes Margo. She seems to have recovered her appetite, so try to be good. No mention of you-know-who or love or anything like that. Good morning, Margo. - Morning. - Morning. Have some toast, Margo. Thank you. My mantis is pregnant, Margo. Any day now, eggs. And do you know they eat their husbands while they are doing it. I watched Cecily, she's my mantis. And do you know, he didn't stop doing It all the time she was eating him. First the head, then the thorax, munching away. There, look what you've done. (Sobs) I think that's the most tragic tale I've ever heard. I don't think they regard It as tragic. Animals can be quite...quite... Insensitive? No. Matter-of-fact about food. (Slurps) ( Gramophone) ♪ So, honey, don't you cry ♪ We'll find a silver lining ♪ The clouds will soon roll by ♪ ♪ I hear a robin singing ♪ Upon a tree-top high ♪ To you and me he's singing ♪ The clouds will soon roll by ♪ Each little tear and sorrow ♪ Only brings you closer to me ♪ Just wait until tomorrow ♪ What a happy day that will be ♪ Down Lovers' Lane together ♪ We'll wander, you and I ♪ - Good night, Ulysses. - ♪ Goodbye to stormy weather ♪ ♪ The clouds will soon roll by ♪ (Quiet chirping) (Soft thump) (Gunshot) (Roger barks) (Barking) She's done something silly. Poor girl. - What? - This family is driving me mad. - This is the limit. - You've shot him. - Keep calm! Keep calm! It 's only burglars. - Are you all right? If you killed him I'll never speak to you again. - I thought you'd done something silly. - Don't be silly. Animals and explosions all day and then 21-gun salutes during the night. Can't you give us some warning? I can't shoot burglars if I give warnings. You ought to try, dear. This was an accident, I got my foot caught in something in my sleep. Couldn't you ring a bell or something? Roger! (Quietens down) Come on, Roger. Geronimo. - Geronimo? - (Faint chirp) Geronimo? Oh, no, you haven't! You have. (Soft chirp) (Sighs) What a lovely day. What a lovely, lovely, lovely day. I wish I could just sail away for ever and a day on such a lovely day. Ever and ever and ever and a day. Aunt Mabel's moved to Sussex. She says, "Henry has passed all his exams and is going into a... "bank." At least, I think it's a bank. Her handwriting really is appalling. Uncle Stephen has broken his leg, poor old thing. And his bladder. - Hmm? - Well... What? Oh, no, no. I think it's broken his leg, falling off a ladder. It's ridiculous at his age being anywhere near a bladder...er, ladder. She asks after you, Larry. Mm. Hopes you are well, Leslie. - Hm? - And Marg...where's Margo? Larry, where's Margo? - What? - Margo, where is she? I don't know. She's all right, isn't she? Got her own lovelorn nonsense. Well, she's eating and she's coming out of her room. Can strike at any time. I don't think she's over it by a long chalk. Mm. - I'm very well. - What? Well, next time you write to Aunt Mabel, say yes. Yes what, dear? Yes, I'm very well. Oh, yes, I see... You can tell her yourself. She's coming to stay. - What? - What? I don't see how we can refuse. She is a relative. She's been advised by the doctors that she needs a warm climate. Oh, come on, the world is littered with warm...very warm climates. Why choose us? Great-Aunt Hermione hasn't much longer to live. I thought she'd died years ago. Because you never listen when I read her letters. That's right. It's bad enough Aunt Mabel wanting to come. She's bad enough. At least she'll have to go back at some time. Great-Aunt Hermione intends to die here. Oh, come now, Larry, she could live for years yet. Oh, no. No, you're right. "I'm sure, as you now seem to able to afford such a large establishment, "you would not begrudge a small corner to an old woman... "who's not much longer to live." Well, what can we do? (Larry) Smallpox. I'll write and tell her we've got smallpox. Oh, that's a good excuse. In detail. That's the secret of good letter-writing, always paint a good picture. You know that, you're going to be a writer. I am a writer, but I can't work if the villa is crammed with geriatrics come to die. Well, I'm not joining in this. But I will say... she sings hymns in the lavatory. Rock of Ages. And everyone has to queue. I don't know why you keep in touch with the old hags. They're either fossilised or mental, all of them. My relatives are not mental. Oh, they are. Aunt Bertha keeps flocks of imaginary cats. Great-Uncle Patrick goes about naked telling strangers he killed whales with a penknife. Bats! But they're not mental. They are a...a little queer, some of them. But not enought to be put away. You'll probably be queer when you get to their age. The thing to do is move. Move? Well, to a smaller villa. But we've only just moved here in order to make room for your friends. Well, now we have to move to cope with your relatives. "No room, can't have you. "Fallen on hard times, can't feed you." A smaller villa. Has somoebody moved the Bootle Bumtrinket? No, dear. Well, somebody must have! It must be a very small villa, Spiro. Yes, yes, Mr Larrys, Mrs Durrells, but, er, you want bathrooms. Well, of course. But one bathrooms will do. It won't. Gerry fills the bath with wriggly things. No, no, no, It must be more than one. Larry, where did you say that Margo was? (Speaks Greek) Lugaretzia, have you seen Margo? (Speaks Greek) Margo? Is in the sea. Oh, my God, I'm sinking! Ohh! There she is! (Leslie) This way, Margo! - Margo! - This way! Help! (Leslie) This way, Margo! - You're going to Albania, Margo, this way. - If she sinks the Bootle Bumtrinket, I'll never speak to her again. Help! - Lift back! - She'd be better to swim for it. And leave my boat? Margo, this way! And row harder! - I don't think she's going to make it. - She jolly well better! No! No, Ma... Margo! Oh, look, someone'll have to go in after her. - Spiro? - Yes! I can't swims. You built the blasted thing, you go and get her! All right. (Margo) Help me! I'm sinking! (Weeps) (Sobbing) Larry, I tried to row it. (Screams) (Larry) It's all right. (Sobbing) Let me get out! What have you done to my boat? It wasn't me. The stupid boat hit the rocks! Really Margo, I sometimes wonder if you're quite mad. You do the most silly things! (Wails) Oh, Mummy, it could have happened to anyone. I'll tell you one thing. I'm cured of love. That's all very well and good, cured of love! But what about my boat? What's it cured of? Nothing! Nothing at all! If that's curing love, someone should say sorry! - There it is. - The oranges just to the side? That's lovely. Is very small. This is the front. Come on, come on! It is too smalls. That's the whole point, Spiro! Yes, but your friends, Mr Larrys. - I have no friends. - (Margo) I can see the sea! In Corfu, the sea can be seen everywheres. No, no, no, no! It is too smalls. Oh, It is small, Spiro. I knows. For all your friends, it is too smalls. That's the whole point, Spiro! No friends, no Great-Aunt Hermione. I suppose so. Are we going to have it? I think it's wonderful. There's lots of geckos and mantids, and in my room there's a bat. (Margo screams) That's my room, Margo! You don't like bats! He's mostly English, dear, although he's called Mr Kralefsky, isn't he, Spiro? Yes. He is very English mans. - And he lives with birds. - Oh, yes, he knows all about birds, Gerry. I've heard that one. They don't know the difference between a black redstart and a normal one. Things like that, simple things. Oh, I'm sure that Mr Kralefsky knows all about, er...red blackbirds. He's a very nice man. I expect he used to keep a canary or something. Yes, canaries, everythings. Mm. And the bat has gone from my room. Oh, that's nice. Well, off you go, dear. The sooner you start, the sooner you finish. Yes, Master Gerrys, you must be educate. - You must. - (Sighs) No, no, no, no. Come on, come on. (Spiro) ♪ Not thin, and yet not too much meat-a ♪ I'll woo her a while with my Argentine style ♪ And sweep her right off of her feet-a ♪ What's the matter? Why don't you sing? I don't know why this person can't come to the villa to educate me. Oh, no! Because, if he does, you will make him play with, er...bugs and horrible animals, and you will not be learned anythings. You must be learned everything. And they all loves your sister, which must be stopped, for the sake of your mother, who is a saint. ♪ I am thinking of a señorita ♪ Not thin, and yet not too much meat-a ♪ (Frank Crumit recording) ♪ I'll woo her a while in my Argentine style ♪ I'll carry her off of her feet-a ♪ It was at a swell cabaretta ♪ While wining and dining I met her... ♪ OK. You ring the bell, and he will come. ♪ We drank one or two, as other folks do ♪ The night was wet but she got wetter ♪ She told me her name was Estrella ♪ She said, "Stick around me, young fella ♪ "Mosquitoes, they bite, and they're awful tonight ♪ "And you smell just like citronella"♪ Education, Gerald. One can not overestimate the importance of education. Well, now, yes, let me see... Ah, yes, counties. How many counties are there in England? Um, I don't know. You don't know? Well, say them after me. Yorkshire, Lancashire, Derbyshire, Shropshire, Warwickshire, Oxfordshire, Buckinghamshire, Gloucestershire. Yorkshire, Lancashire, Derbyshire, - Shropshire. - Shropshire. - Warwickshire. - Warwickshire, Oxfordshire, Buckinghamshire, Gloucestershire. Ah. Good. (Bell tinkling) Oh, er... Excuse me, I must go and see to Mother. And he keeps wanting to go to the lavatory. Gerald! He doesn't say, "I want to go to the lavatory," he says he must go and see his mother. Well, that's very nice, dear. But what are you learning? Oh, lots. The county town of Warwickshire is Warwick. The county town of Oxfordshire is Oxford. The county town of Yorkshire is York. Somerset. - Somerset? - The county town of Somerset. Um... Oh, Gerald! Taunton is the county town of Somerset. Now, tell me, what is produced in Essex? Stainless steel? Stainless steel... Oh. Somerset? Coal. - Oxfordshire? - Coal? Oh. Yorkshire. Coal. Yes, yes. Some coal. Now, arithmetic. (Car horn) Spiro. By Jove, by Jove, by Jove. 12:30 already. The end of another scholastic day. Well, off you go. I have to collect some groundsel, for the birds. - (Gerry) What sort of birds? - All kinds of birds. He's crazy about birds. - Where does he keep them? - He lives with them in their houses. Oh, stuffed. He must be crazy, collecting groundsel for stuffed birds. Yes, he is crazy. Only, aren't you as crazy? You have parrots in your house. You have owls and horrible toadies, and he has beautiful birds. And he is a very clever mans, and he will learned you everythings if only you will listens! (Larry) Not more animals! - Look! - (Larry) Revolting! (Margo) Oh, I think they're sweet! What are they? (Spiro) Gollys, Master Gerrys, what's thems? They are, as a matter of fact, magpies. They'll be very simple to feed. They're very pretty, really. - I hope they're old enough to eat, dear. - Oh, Mrs Durrells, you can't eats thems! - (Chuckles) - (Larry) They'll steal everything. (Leslie) I shall probably shoot them by mistake, and that'lll cause a ruction! (Spiro) Honest to gods! The things that Master Gerrys finds! Nothing will be safe. Everything will vanish. - Well, that's jackdaws, isn't it? - No, no, magpies as well. Look. - See? They want the money. - Nonsense, dear! They're hungry. They've got criminal tendencies. They're thieves. An animal that wants money, a horrible thought. You can't have them in the house. You'll have to put them back. I couldn't, they'd die. Their mother would desert them and they'd starve. Poor little things. I think they're very sweet. Don't take any notice, he's lying. He just knows how to get round you. It wouldn't do any harm to keep them. They'll starve. - (Larry) They won't starve! - Best to wring their necks now, before they become a nuisance. Right. They'll steal from every room. We'll have to bury all our valuables. Unless we put an armed guard around them. It's lunacy! - Look at them! Look at them! - Horribles little bastards! They're not bastards, Spiro, they're magpies. All they want is a name. - What do you calls thems? - Magpies, Spiro. Little magpies. Maggenpies? Maggenpies, eh... (Margo) No, magpies, Spiro. That's what I says, maggenpies. Oh! Maggenpies! William I, William II, Henry I, Stephen, Henry II. William I, William II, Henry I, Stephen, Henry II. Yes? - Henry III? - No. Richard I. Surnamed Coeur de Lion. Why are you a fidget? I had a lot of loquats for breakfast, and I would like to... pay a visit to...your mother. I beg your pardon? I have to! But, er, perhaps first I'd better see if it's convenient, erm... Er, tidy. It doesn't matter. Ours is often in a mess. Oh, I'm sure she'll be delighted to meet you, but, please, do let me go in first. - Of course. - Just a moment. Mother will be delighted to meet you. Mother. Here's Gerry, come to see you. Aren't I a bore? Aren't old people bores? I'm flattered you asked to see me. I thought... Do sit down and talk for a minute. It's so soft! Silky... My one remaining vanity. All that's left of my beauty. How beautiful things fall in love with themselves, don't they? They feed on it, on themselves. The more beautiful they are, the stronger they become. That's what's happened to my hair. It'll probably grow for ever, deep-packed in my coffin, rooted in my dust. Mother, you mustn't talk thus. I don't like to hear such morbid thoughts. It's not morbid, is it, Gerry? Not at all morbid. Besides, think what a wonderful shroud... (Bell tinkles) By Jove, by Jove, by Jove! Eggs. Well, run along, run along. Gerry and I will chat until you come back. Don't worry about us. That's the ticket! My son... He teaches you...well? - Sort of. - He knows a great deal. - Yes. - Has he found your friendship? He does make me repeat everything. Yes... Do you have an interest in birds? Natural things? - Flowers? - Oh, yes! Right. You must ask him to let you meet some of his beautiful birds. - Do you think I'm old? - Oh, yes. - Very old. - I am. I am very old! They say that...when you grow old, your body slows down. It does not. Life slows down for you. Extraordinary things you would never suspect happen all around you. Flowers talk! - Have you heard them? - No! When you get to my age you will. That is, if you retain an open mind. - What do they say? - Ah... I don't know. I'm too old to start learning another language. Well, It can't be learnt. It can only become known. People say that when you grow old, you believe less and are surprised at nothing, so you are more receptive to ideas. Nonsense! All the old people I know have their minds locked up like grey, scaly oysters. You think I'm loopy, don't you? Babbling on about flowers talking. Look at that rose. Isn't he wonderful? He's been with me now for two weeks, fully open. He was so sick when he first arrived. I feared for his life. He was put with daisies! Fatal! Absolutely fatal! The daisy family is so cruel, so... working-class. All right in their own way, but rough and ready, down to earth, a spade's a spade. And to put an aristocrat among them! Oh! It never works. He drooped and faded so much I didn't even see him among them. He was being harried to death by Michaelmas daisies. And then... I heard the merest bleat of another voice. A much more cultured voice. And there I found him, crushed amongst them, fading fast. Look at him now. Taken from the daisies, half an aspirin, and he's thanking me by remaining beautiful for as long as he can. Just like people. (Door opens) They've hatched. The whole clutch. Good! I am so glad. Gerry and I have been talking about the most interesting things. At least, I thought they were interesting. So did I. Thank you. - You must come again. - I will If I may. Would you like to see my birds? I would be most interested. Well, goodbye. (Gerry) Goodbye. Goodbye. (Mother chuckles) When you asked to see Mother, I thought you and I might become friends. It is important, if I'm to teach you anything, isn't it? - Yes. - Friends. That's the ticket! First, before we go and see the birds, might I go to the lavatory? Of course. (Birds twittering) Come in. Come in. Here I am, my little beauties. Here I am. I haven't forgotten you. Oh, no. Here we are. This is for you. There. No, no, no! Don't do that, not in your nice clean water. Now, let me see... There we are. Now, my little beauties, it's your turn, it's your turn. There we are. At first I thought they were all canaries. Oh, no, no, no, no. Bullfinches, goldfinches, serins, zebra finches. All kinds. Now, the water goes into there. Very carefully. That's excell... Excellent. Yes. Here you are, my dears. Here you are, my dears. Now, you will not be forgotten. You will not be... Oh, dear. Dear, dear. No, no, you must do better. Only two, my dear, only two. One can hardly call that a clutch, with the best will in the world. Oh, dear, dear. Most disappointing. Come. There's more. Oh, they're in fine fettle today. It's the sunshine, you know. Once the sun gets to the side of the house, they start to sing. Don't you? Beautiful. I've got some magpies. Beautiful. Beautiful. Maggie! Well done. (Squawks) Good boy, Maggie! There, in Hyde Park, with her back to a tree, was a lady. Her skirts were torn, her legs were bitten and bloody. With a deckchair, she was fending off a ravening bull terrier. Her strength was ebbing. I was the only gentleman in sight. There was not a moment to be lost. I bounded forward and struck the brute with my walking stick. The stick broke. The animal contemplated my throat. (Sighs) "Aimer", the verb "to love". The verb "to love"? J'aime, tu aimes, il aime, elle aime, nous aimons, vous aimez, ils aiment, elles aiment. And then, though he was armed with only a knife, he killed six of the ruffians, with his knife he concealed in his mosquito boot. And thus the lady was rescued, thus. How brave. Only what a gentleman would do for a lady. Yes, very brave. (Larry) Kill those bastard magpies! Oh, no. They only seem interested in Larry's room. (Magpie squawking) Out you go! Go on, out you go! Out you go! Out you go! That's the last straw! They're naturally curious. All members of the crow family are. - If you don't do something about it, I will... - Anything missing? I don't see how you can do anything in this mess. - I think it was the maggenpies. - They made an awful mess of your papers. - They didn't know they were doing wrong. - They're only birds. If you don't lock them up, I will tear them wing from wing! - That isn't fair! - Larry doesn't mean it. Naturally he's upset. They have made an awful mess. Upset? I'm furious! They descended like scab-ridden critics, bespattered and tore my work into pieces, fouled it, destroyed it before it's even finished! - They've only just started flying. - Yes. It's disgusting, the way this family carries on about animals. - They don't understand! - Anthropomorphic slush drooling out again. If something isn't done about them I'll use one of Leslie's guns and deal with them! I'll get them and explain It to them. You'll get them and lock them up! Say, "Spiro". Spiro! Spiro. I'm glad somebody's done something about the scab-ridden vultures. A simple cage. Gerry has made a first-class job of it. Tell Mother about your fight with the French wrestling champion. What? Oh, no, no, no, one does not boast about such things. - All right. - To do with a lady of my acquaintance. Oh. How very nice. (Gerry) As long as you show me a few tricks. Tricks? Mm. Wrestling tricks. Oh. Er...very well. Now. Oh. - Oh, very well. - How exciting! Yes. Well, the secret is to get one's opponent off his balance. It can be done...thus. Uh, ohhh, ah! Ah! Huh! - You see? - Yes. Wonderful! - Have you got the idea? - Yes. That's the ticket! Now, you try to throw me. Yaaaah! Aaaargh! - Oh! - Oh! Oh! God... (Kralefsky groaning) Oh, dear! I'll go and get the brandy! I'm so sorry. Gerry, dear, that was very careless! I'm afraid he doesn't know his own strength. Oh, no, please, please, do not blame the boy. It was not his fault. You see, I'm a little out of practice. (Kralefsky) Oh, dear. Oh, dear... - Larry, have you got the fruit? - Well, what do you think? - Of what? - You know perfectly well what, Larry. It's lovely. What is it? Oh, I know what it is. I think you'll probably drown. It'll get waterlogged and drag you down with it. - It's not. - It can't be. - (Larry) It looks like a badly skinned whale. - You can't wear it, not to swim in. I certainly can. And don't be so rude or I shall forbid you all to go. - (Roger barks) - (Gerry) Mother, don't flap it about like that. I don't care what you say, I am determined to wear it. (All laughing) (Roger barks) (Laughing) What you look like, Mother, is a sort of marine Albert Memorial. - (Leslie laughs) - Come on, Mother. Come on. - Looks cold. - It isn't cold. Oh, it is cold. It is... Oh. Ro... Roger! - Gerry, stop him. - (Ripping) (Laughter) (Roger growls. Yelps.) Gerry, do something. Roger. He's doing his best to rescue you from that dead whale you're wrapped in. - Good boy, Roger. - (Laughter) Oh, Roger. (Panting) Oh, look. Look what he's done. We can't blame the dog, Mother. You do look like a sea monster. Well done, Roger. We could have been attacked from the sea. (Growling) (All laughing) Picnics remind me of camping. (Larry) You've never been camping in your life. Oh, yes, I have. With your father. - When? - In India. (Leslie) First I heard of it. We often used to go camping, sometimes miles and miles into the jungle. It was quite dangerous. - What, just the two of you? - Course. - Well, I'm blown. - Oh, it was very exciting. First of all, the elephants would go off with the marquees and carpets, then the servants would follow with the silver, the linen, the beds and things. - Call that camping? - Oh, it was. I'll have you know that on one occasion, an elephant went astray. Your father didn't have any clean sheets for three days. He was furious. My God, that was really roughing it. Roger, sit down and listen or you won't hear anything. Everybody on the whole of the island of Corfu is snoring except you and me, Roger, and the sea and the fishes in the sea and the cicadas. (Whines) - Swim. - (Barks) Yeah! - Roger, come on. - (Barks) They're blennies, Roger. Come on, Roger. I'm thirsty. (Roger barks) (Snoring) (Snoring) Ah, Yani's asleep. Perhaps if we make enough noise, Roger, we can wake him up. I know what we can do to wake him up, don't you? (Roger yelps) (Clucking, squawking) (Bleating, barking) Good afternoon. I hope you slept well. Good afternoon, little lord. I heard a noise. There was a noise. How is your health? My health is excellent. Your health? It is likewise. It is a very hot afternoon. This afternoon is hot enough to melt a bottle. Sit. You will honour me by sitting and eating and drinking with me. Little lord, you are always on your stomach, whenever I come upon you in the hills, in the grass, wherever. You are on your stomach, looking at the creatures. Please, sit. Aphrodite! Aphrodite... (Speaks Greek) (Aphrodite replies) She slept. (Speaks Greek) It was too hot. Fruit and drink for the little lord. Under a rock this morning, curved like the sword of a Turk, surrounded with its own poison. - He was full. - Dead? Of course dead. Drowned in the oil. That one was a killer. Observe the quantity of poison. (Cock crows) (Yani grunts) - That one was a fighter. - Why? You ask why, little lord, I tell you why. You, who are interested in all the little crawling and scurrying little ones of God, you should know because, one day, when you are on your stomach, observing, some devil such as this one, perhaps his brother will take it into his head to sting you, that is why. Yes? It may never happen. It has never happened to me. - But should it... - Will I die? - Undoubtedly. - In agony? Undoubtedly. In your ear. You are so close to the ground, it will enter your ear. I knew a young man. He had drunk new wine, his stomach was warm with it. He sniffed the sleep in the air. He looked for shade. He found it under myrtles. But while he slept, a scorpion crept into his ear. And when he woke, it struck. (Girl laughing) What happened? First of all, madness. Then death. No one heard his agonies. Just one little bite, little lord. - You may have that. - Thank you. Why? If ever you are bitten. It is why I never sleep except in a chair. This oil, rub it on if you are bitten. (Cock crows) Nice? (Speaks Greek) Look. Roger. (Roger yelps) It's a trap door. A little trap door. Do you think anything lives there? A wasps' nest, perhaps? Something like that? Nothing at home. (Scratching) Stop that, Roger. - Roger. - (Roger whines) Come on. Home. (Barking) (Gerry) I found something rather intriguing. - Oh, that's nice, dear. - Is it to do with fish, flesh or fowl? - Darling... - Insects, I suppose. - ..this is Dr Stephanides. - Theodore. - He, too, is an eccentric lover of nature. - (Laughs) He, too, spends a lot of time on his stomach, peering at things. How do you do? You must be Gerry. I am. I'm sure they must be nests. You are? Round trap doors, which open in the moss. Trap-door spider. How wonderful. Perhaps we could verify it if it is not too far away. Don't let him drag you all over the island. (Sighs) I must get on. I must cook something. Gerry has no conception of distance. Spiro can take you. Where is Spiro? - No. We would rather walk. - Yes, we would. Spiro's been behaving very strangely lately. Yes. I saw him lurking today. I mean, there is no other word for it. He was lurking. - We'll send him after you. - Yes. Don't let him drink any of your wine. Now then, Gerry. (Sighs) I can't sit here. You know, I've never bought wine by the barrel before. It's very economical. Yes, isn't it? I expect it will last for ever. (Mrs Durrell sings) ♪ La la di di di ♪ (Cicadas chirrup) It's up there. Ah. Yes. - Huh. - Is it one? Erm, yes. Yes. Cteniza. You have discovered the burrows of the trap-door spider. One has to take great care. The female holds on to the trap door with her legs and one must take great care... Not her legs, rather, her claws. These are, of course, as you know, the burrows of the female spider. The burrows of the male, as I said, as you know... - No. - Oh. Doctor, I don't know. Oh... Theodore, or, Theo, among colleagues. No, of course you don't know, didn't know. You do know now? (Laughs) The burrows of the male are smaller. So, a grasshopper making its way across, or any small insect, prey, the female pops out of her hole and, er, catches the creature. If you look carefully, you should find others. They live in colonies. Ah, now. ♪ La da da la da da da di ♪ La da di da da di di di ♪ La ba ba la da di ♪ La da di di di ♪ - What are you cooking, Mother? - Something absolutely delicious. I am inventing it. I think I'll take the precaution of dosing myself with bicarbonate of soda before we eat this evening. - Look at my scorpion. - Oh. Oh, darling, I do draw the line at scorpions in the house. - Is it dead? - Of course it's dead. Larry, you eat too much. It's bad for you. (Mumbles) It's all your fault. I've seen the most marvellous spiders. As you know, the trap-door spider lives in these wonderful burrows. - Excuse me, dear. - Mrs Durrells, how bitters it is for me to say this. - Spiro, I've been waiting for this. - I've been forgetting things - because of the tragedies is happenings. - Well, it's not good enough. No. I have important pronouncements to make. What is it, Spiro? Is terribles. Horribles and terrible. Yes, but what is it? I... Nothing. Is nothing. (Spiro laughs) OK. OK. Goodbye. Oh, dear. I do hope Spiro isn't in love with you as well, Margo, like all those other Greek chaps. How does the female spider not know when it is the male spider coming over the moss and pop out of its trap door to devour it? That is the problem. There. That's everything in. Mother. Is it wise to just throw everything into the pot? Good gracious no, dear. No, you've gotta know what you're doing. - But Mother, you've... - Spiro's been behaving very oddly lately, popping up in the oddest places. - Why have you been in the oddest places? - (Laughing) I don't know what you mean. Larry. Are you feeling all right? No, I think I've got a bit of indigestion. Are you sure it's indigestion? You know, I think Margo's in love. Well, I hope it's with someone who can tango. (Larry laughs) (♪ Gramophone: Tango) (Distant cawing) I hope you can't die of eating scorpion poison. Is no goods. I'm sorrys to tell you these horrible things, Mrs Durrells, but I wait until she goes into the house before I tells you. I thinks you oughts to knows. - What is the matter now, Spiro? - Oh, please, Spiro, don't tell us. - It's Missy Margo. - There, there. What did I tell you? - He is in love with Spotty. - (Laughs) Young mans, is no laughing matter. Mrs Durrells, did you knows that she's meeting a mans? Yes. A man? Didn't we, boys? - Yes. - Well, it's news to me. - Meetings, I mean. - Yes, meetings. Meetings hims. Oh, yes. - Yes. - Yes. We...we know that. Did you knows... - he's a Turk? - Yes. Er, no. - A Turk? - Oh, we knew that. You knows that? Well, no, we didn't. But what is wrong with being a Turk? Mrs Durrells, he's a Turk. A real Turk. I wouldn't trust any son of a bitch Turk with any girls. Is horribles. He'll cut her throats, that's what he'll do. Honest to Gods, Mrs Durrells, is not safe. Missy Margo swimmings with hims. Her throats. Her... Well, I'll speak to her about it. I'm glads I tells you. I thought you oughts to know. Don't you worry, Mrs Durrells, if he did anything to Missy Margo, Spiro Americano from Chicago fixes the bastard. - Perhaps we ought to invite him to tea. - (Laughter) It's from Theodore. Dr Stephanides. - He's a real scientist, you know. - When did it arrive? Spiro brought it with the post. Erm, he says, "Not very high magnification but you will find it sufficient for field work." It's a microscope. A real microscope. (Quietly) Oh, God. I feel awful. - I've got a fever. - A hangover. You don't shiver with a hangover. (Sighs) I'm going to bed. - Come on, Larry, I think you've had enough. - Too much food. Too much wine. - Are you sure? - Not enough exercise, that's his trouble. - Where's Mother? - Outside in the garden, I think. (Roger yelps) - Gerry? - Mother? - Are you there, dear? - Yes. - (Loudly) Can you hear me? - Yes. Oh, good. Because I want you to know that more than anywhere else, I want to be buried here, among the bose rushes. No. I mean the rose bushes. - Oh. That's good. - Isn't it, dear? Yes. Much better than all those other places you've chosen. I mean, not so far to go. No. Mother? Larry's not feeling well. Really? You see, I don't know where he wants to be buried. Mother, Larry's on fire. (Roger barks) Larry's on fire! Oh, quick. Save him. Larry? Oh, good heavens. No wonder he's... Look at that fire. He said he was cold, so I put more wood on. - Wake up. For heaven's sake, wake up. - What's the matter? - (Mrs Durrell) The room's on fire. - Well, get Leslie to just put it out. Well, throw something on it. Oh. Water, you fool, not brandy. - What the hell's going on? - (Mrs Durrell) The room's on fire, dear. Well, there's no reason for me to freeze to death. Mother, go and get some water with Margo. Gerry, open a window. (Sighs) That's right. There, there. All done without any fuss. Now, will someone go and get me a cup of tea? I've got a splitting headache. - Larry, you really are as tiddled as an owl. - Absolutely. Nonsense. If it wasn't for me, you'd all be burnt in your beds. (Snoring) coming to you very much live and direct on Network 23. Carter's the best known reporter we have on the air. He satellites globally. Where does all this stuff come from, Bryce? The components of Carter's mind. M-M-Max, M-M-Max. [Bryce] People translated as data. It's computer-generated, whatever it is. It looks like Edison. Max. Max Headroom. Max? He's a computer-generated person based on you. Two minds, but with one single memory. [chatter] [woman] This is Control to Edison Carter. Your link is locked and strong. It's coming to you live in 90 seconds. [chatter] [Woman] 80 seconds. We are go on your story, 70 seconds. One minute, Edison. Stand by. Standing by, Control. Hey, watch out, ducks. All right, standby. Can you confirm the live link from Rome? [Man] Standby from Rome. One feed 15. Terry, give me the sat cam update. No good. My story's dead. No casualties. 15 seconds, Edison. Ha! Coming off you soon. Peter, I need seven seconds filled. Theora, 5... 4... 3...2... 1. This is Edison Carter live and direct. [Edison] I want to show you something rare. This was a dream palace. Years ago people came here for their pictures. To share dreams and adventures together. These are the days when people sat in groups and watched a single movie. Sometimes hundreds of people at one time. Must have been a weird experience. People watching the same screen and the same program. I can't use more than 30 seconds. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. [Edison] How about you? Do you know what a movie was? My mom told me about it once. Didn't you have to pay for it or something? Uh-Um, is it about standing in line? [Edison] Has anybody else know? How about you? For a shared experience, Mr. Carter. People who gathered together and communal escapism to share adventure, excitement, laughter, romance. They shared these vicarious emotions together. That was before they chocked the talent out of this business. Gave us game shows and chat shows and news. Great, that should stir it upstairs. Stay with it. Before the world became ratings and people became demographics and everything became the product. Yeah, fighting talk. It's a pretty articulate view. Almost poetic. What's your name. Don't you recognize me, Eddy? It's Paddy. Paddy Ashton. Paddy Ashton? Cut it, Control. What? Um, cut off logo. Dung Po, link Ralph. Take whatever he's got from Rome. Hit it! Hello, Eddy. Hello, Paddy. What do you say to a little drink? Hello, little drink. [Woman] Coming soon, a dream view 24-hour channel. Subscribe now for the hottest programming anywhere. Shows you won't see on the networks. Are you sure? Absolutely sure? Oh, yes, absolutely, Mr. Grieg. This is devastating. Brilliant. [Bella] This merely demonstrates the potential. [Grieg] But it is extraordinary. We have found exactly what we need. This just the kind of product we need to launch our subscriber micro-channel. Perfect. We people love to pay, Bella. It massages their self-esteem. Close the deal. Your sure you can get this material? Absolutely, Mr. Grieg. Offline for 10, Control. Eyes open. I have you offline. Eyes open on sat cam 17. Tracking lock. Macro zoom. Location in and locked. Here's mud in your micro. [Man] Waiter, two more plumbers over here. So what's the news? Well, you are. I'm history. You beat me almost fair and square. You won. It's your way. Oh, come on, Paddy. That's history now, too. Okay? I've been there. I know. Time was when you bought me a drink when I was broke, remember? One swallow doesn't make a summer, pal. [Edison] Well, you haven't lost your sense of humor anyway. No, but I lost everything else. It's the most portable thing I got left. [button beeps] He's nice. Funny. What happened to him, Murray? God... Well, um, when I was made producer-- Well, they were both up for the top job, the lead reporter on my show. And they worked up together-- communication room, tape ops, local controller, then in-field reporter. They were good friends. And they were great rivals and, uh-- I don't know that's it. No, no, no, that's it. They're at Ouzo Bar. I mean what happened to Paddy? Edison beat him to big story. Edison won an award. Mm-hmm. The Vidi. And it got him the job. No, Murray, you gave Edison the job. Right. I chose the best. That's it. Come on, Paddy, it was a fair fight. You had Murray in your pocket. He liked you. Oh, why not? You're a nice guy. Now, wait a second. Just being a nice guy doesn't get you the job. No, I know. You need killer instinct. Yeah, well, I guess I deserve that. You know, I could be right were you are. Oh, come off it, Eddy. If I had half your age, I'd be in your position now. Maybe I was just too human for the job. Oh, thanks a lot. I'm due for a microchip service any day now. My mind's a computer, you know. Yeah, I heard. How is Max Headroom? Yeah, come on. I'll show you how to earn my living. Who knows? We might do a story on it. I've not given up, Eddy. Come. We can never cross advertise our cost with that deal. Mr. Finn, you'll achieve break-even in 36 days. I'm running your padded expense reports. An average of 27% on all your contracts. How did you get these figures? Information is our business, Finn. Figures are trade. Deal? Fine. Have a nice day, Mr. Finn. See you later. [Bella] So we get 5 creds from each subscriber. Our anticipated ratings are 248 million. Project profit per screen minute 116 million creds. Dream Vu Micro-Link Channel is almost ready to launch. This is going to be the most devastating weapon in subscriber television. We might even dent network TV. There's a challenge. Theora, I have you Edison. Trace running. Pals? Mmm. [Edison] Where we headed, Paddy? [Paddy] Sort of following up on your story. I mean not so much at Dream Palace as dream factory. You might find it very interesting. It might be an angle. It's a bit like the old days, Eddy. It's a bit like being a network exec. You get to spend the days talking in your sleep. He hasn't changed. [Paddy] Suits me. I can't sleep nights where I live. I'm in the cardboard condos on Metal Road. They weld all night. It's like being in a belfry in an earthquake. Watch yourself. Your the only guy I know who can get creds for sleeping. It's work. They pay me to dream. It's like giving blood, only they empty your head and not your arm. There it is. [Edison] Back door to the old movie theater? [Paddy] Ironic, isn't it? People used to come here to get their dreams. And now they come here to give them up. Well. It was nice seeing you again, Eddy. I'm off to sleep perchance to dream. Dreams-- sensuous, violent, gentle, pastoral. ♪ Ethereal, ethereal ♪ ♪ Pastoral, pastoral, ethereal ♪ See you in my dreams, Eddy. What about the story, Polonius? I'll call you sometime. I will call you sometime. [Man over speaker] Mind's Eye research participants sign your contracts. Mind's Eye participants, sign your contracts. Sweet dreams. Now-Now, is this d-d-dreaming or just remembering. Am I-I-I dreaming? Is This-This-This all a dream. Dreams are in the subconscious when you're unconscious. Well, how- - Well, how,-- Well, how can I be unconscious? I'm either on or off. I don't-don't-don't have this weird biological in-between. What's-What's like-ke-ke? Kind of like free-falling through your imagination, I guess. And you release your subconscious desires. But if-- But if dreaming is all your sub-sub-subconscious desires coming out, why do p-p-people wait till their asleep to do it? You got a point there. I'll r-r-rerun one of yours. See if I can get the picture. I'll see you in your dreams. [chuckles] I'm going to see Paddy. Well, I might just come down and join you. Flip-Flip-Flip around the screens if any one is watching Net-Net-Network 23. After my snooze. [snores] It's not working. [Man on speaker] Clear the boiler room. Clear the boiler room. We must be lasers cutting ignitable sectors 8 minutes. Do you know where Paddy Ashton lives? Ah, shove it, vid head. You know where Paddy Ashton lives? Straight ahead. [Man on speaker] Clear the boiler room. Laser cutting the nine above sector eight minutes. Hey, hey. Hold on. Where's Paddy? Paddy Ashton. Mr. Carter, delighted, deeply moved. [Edison] Paddy. We've had a few like this lately. Friend of yours, Mr. Carter. Very thoughtful, Mr. Carter. Your friend will be gently spirited away to Gladhand Meadows where he will rest in one piece and go all eternity. If you go near a body bank... I'll kill you. I believe you will. He will be safe. Cash is honor, Mr. Carter. High principle attends high payment. Where's your other colleague, Breugal? Mr. Mahler? I was short on stock one night. He made the supreme sacrifice. This new Mahler is on approval. Theora, run a side cam trace on that van. [Theora] I already am, ace. Edison, I'm sorry about Paddy. I really am. [Woman's voice] This is your Network 23 sunrise report bringing you only the good news. Edison? Come on, Edison. Morning. You look ghastly. You're early. Wait. I haven't been to bed. I just want to follow up on Paddy's story. What story? You can't believe Paddy. Murray, can I have a word with you? Paddy was killed yesterday. I don't follow. It doesn't make any sense. Paddy make it to Gladhand's Crematorium, okay? Paddy's death doesn't make sense, either, Murray. I feel responsible. Oh, come on. Come on, you can't pull that one. You're not responsible. Patty would have died anyway without you needing him. Don't start crying crocodile tears over Paddy. Murray, that's unforgivable. And don't you start. Paddy was a nice guy. We didn't do this. He was betrayed by the limits of his own potential. These notes prove it. It's drivel. I can't believe you. You're being so insensitive. I spent the entire night trying to work this dribble out, Murray. When I left him, he said he was onto something. He said he was on to a story. I think the clue to what it was is in this stuff. It's all about dreams. But I can't get into the right files in the main frame. "To sleep the chance to dream, bill the scribbler. The night horse rides the black shores of sleep." Dreams all right. You've accessed the right file type, but you've gone off at tangents all over the system. Let me have a go. Okay, night horse. Of course, nightmares. [Edison] Took me hours to get that wrong. You're brilliant. [keyboard clicks] Right there. [Theora] Right, nightmares. Specialist trauma research on evidence of neurosis-- deep psychological damage as result of night terrors. Paddy was on to something. Get on me, Theora. Where are you going? I'm gonna go into that place. Well, don't start bringing out your conscience in public. Give me a break, Murray. I'm gonna make damn sure I find out why Paddy Ashton died last night. Well, just make sure it's a story! [Man] Let's go, move quickly. Mind's Eye research participants sign contracts here. Quickly, people. Hello, Cherubs. Brought a friend with you this time, I see. I'm going to try for the same one. Oh, how nice. I do love spice. [Male Participant] Come on, come on. [Male Participant 2] Let's move it. Let's move it. Yes, sir. Do I have to use my own name? Oh, you can use mine anytime or you could just dream one up, tiger. - Pssh. - Category? Exotic travel to Paradise Islands with matching suitcases. Oh, it makes a change. She usually wants executive class travel. Now, girls, are you going to bring us old sailors' fantasies or true love. [both giggle] Um, first time. What have I been missing? Sign here. Can I have a copy. Why? Souvenir. This is a research establishment. Not a studio holiday facility. Give this slip to the attendant inside. Next. [Female Participant] That stuff they make us drink gives me weird dreams. [Usher] Right along upstairs, Dorothy. Oz is waiting. No securicams. Damn. Put on the goggles. Go ahead, put them on. That's good. Now, drink this. Okay, you're online. Um, what is it? Something to help you dream. [light beeps] Control. This is control. I'm in trouble, Control. I need to move. Get Max. Edison? Call Bryce. I need Max to dream for me. I understand you. Stand by. [keyboard clicks] Bryce? Bryce, what are you doing? Working. Can you access Max? I need him urgently. He's in offline standby, That's the nearest I can program him for sleep. Bryce. Max. [sputtering] Ah, just what I needed. 40 synapses. I'm linking you to Edison. [Theora] Bringing Max online, Edison. Max is linked. He can output through your camera. Standing by. Max, I need you to run through one of my old dreams. I need to look around. You're gonna have to replace me. [Theora] Run a long dream, Max. Ridiculous, Theora. Listen, dreams only last a few seconds. They just seem to last longer in their inner synapses limbo. What you'd call a subconscious. It won't work. [Theora] Edison. Edison? Edd- - Oh, hell. He's gone, it's too late. Okay, Max, you got to run several dreams. You know, lots of dreams. Hell. [keyboarding] Lis-Listen, I don't mind being the pro-pro-projectionist, but don't forget no-no-no one is paying me to be the censor. [screams] How's your head? How's your head? How's your head? [Edison] Theora, are you busy tonight? [Theora] Mr. Carter, we hardly know each other. Control, where the hell are you? Control-Control, where the hell are you? Control-Control-Control, where the hell are you? [Theora] Edison-Edison, are you there? [Edison] Theora, are you busy tonight? [Theora] Mr. Carter, we hardly know each other. [Max] Oh, oh. Looking at other people's dreams is as bad as reading their di-di-dairy. Trouble is once you've started, you just can't stop. [chuckles] [Woman moans] [Man over the radio] Number 32 in REM trauma. Get her offline fast. Wake up, come on. Come on. Get her out of it fast. Come on. Get her upstairs, come on. - Come on. - Just like that guy yesterday. [Breugal] We've had a lot like this lately. [Man] Dilated. Move it. What is this? A vidicam? Is it broadcasting? Get Finn. Bring it up here. Where is she? Bringing her up. Look what we got. You know, Finn, I wonder if we pushed the dosage too high. This girl has reacted just like that guy last night. Because look at the results. Look at number 7. That guy has had 12 dreams in 6 minutes. Sex, action, the whole lot. Yeah, but these casualties are scary. It shouldn't happen. Listen, the Fringer last night had a weak heart. That happens. That's why they sign on risk clause. She's already dead. Look at this. [Theora] Edison. Edison, this is Control. [Murray] He's in trouble. [buttons beep] Murray, I don't think he's there. Then where the hell is he? [keyboard clicks] Come on, man, keep your head on this. [Woman] Excuse you. - [button beeps] - Open up, Reg, door. Come on, open up! Don't say anything. Just sit down and listen. Blimey, Edison. I need your help. Yes, of course I recognizes that, Finn. It is a Network 23 vidicam. Where is the operator? Gone. But worst news is we've had another nightmare-induced trauma. I'm beginning to have one myself. Our whole strategy for Dream View relies on these shows of yours. But what about this reporter? Could that camera have transmitted one of those dreams? Absolutely not. We switched it off the second we found it. But the odd thing is there were dreams coming from inside it. Maybe some old recordings. Finn, the point is you switched it off. Forget the reporter. Your job at Mind's Eye is to give us that dream material fast. Our Dream Vu commercials run with in the hour on several networks. It is costing us a fortune. We're hyping this Dream Vu Channel massively. Uh, watch this, Finn. [Announcer] Dare you step into the Mind's Eye? Do you want to experience direct the wildest dreams and fantasies of people as they happen? Feel your desires in an erotic novel. See what lies in the secret dreams of the executive, the young girl, the husky he-man, the poor and the rich as their innermost thoughts go unedited from their dreams to your screens. Only on Dream Vu Micro-Link Subscriber TV. Subscribe now and get a special low-cred intro preview. Straight from the Mind's Eye. Once that airs, we will have massive Dream Vu subscribers. This research of yours will be seen for what it is. So we need that stockpile before we run the spot. Before people realize their intimate thoughts will be compulsive viewing for millions of subscribers. Of course there will always be a few exhibitionists who enjoy doing that sort of thing. But you see the point. Ordinary people will stop selling their dreams. You'll have to take chances, Finn. You old dream thief. Understand me, Finn. This is our big one. This will even hit Network 23's Max Headroom hard. He is only one person's mind. We will have thousands. Deliver them, Finn. Step up the recordings. Shedding party for the paper work. Call some one about that girl. Call Breugal! So-So, Edison, there he was climbing out of a Roman bath dressed only in a b-b-bunch of grapes. And the pits. And I thought, "Is this his dream, nightmare, or his just his wishful thinking ?" When I'm suddenly c-c-cut off. Fortunately, I don't dream. I perform subconscious calculation. My equivalent of jogging. How-How-How do you know you don't dream if you're asleep? Hmm? Ah, that's something I calculated. [laughs] You're becoming quite a humorist, Bryce. A-A-A-ah, Edison. Uh, he's my pupil. Not very good. Keeps trying to analyze all the p-p-punch lines so he can tell them at the beginning to save time. [laughs] Is Theora there yet? Yes, I am. I also have the book. You all right, Edison? How are you at codes, Bryce? Oh, brilliant. What do you have. Some sort of word game. Ahh, easy. This will be like cracking the password on the old Cray computers. A piece of cake. You know, I used to be a hacker in my youth. Ugh, dear poetry. Ah-Ah, poetry. Not his strongest point. Well, you have to work together with Max. Combine the logical with the intuitive. Oh, that will be fun. Yeah, well, make it fast fun, will you? Theora, stay with them. And feed me the results here at Big-Time. [Max] Uh, before you go. That d-d-d-dream with bunch of fruit and the Roman bath, where they red or white? The grapes, I mean. [laughs] Well- - Well, that caught him with his toga down. Reg, I know we love him, but do you really think Fang is the right man for the job? It's his big break, Dom. World's first dog video jock. Don't knock him. I just have never seen him not eating or sleeping before. Wonder where he gets it from. Nepotism, mate. Cup a tea? - Yeah. - Dom? I'm apparently in training to replace the dog. He'll be doing the accounts soon. [chuckles] Can Dom operate a relay link? Oh, yeah. Do anything. Especially for you. Look, mind if I say something? I've listened to what you've said. I know how it feels to loose a mate, but you can't wear your heart on your sleeve all the time. Messes up your appearance. I'll get the tea. Oh, it's with us or without us is that it? It's with us. Just don't forget who you are as well as Paddy's friend. But let's be off. Dom, stow the tea. Let's make room for me and get ready for sea. Fang, station announcement please, my son. Two hours off air. Tell them we're gonna go walkies. You're a pro, Fang. [Fang barks] Hello? I'm sorry. Hello, who? Dominique, is that you? This is the Edison Carter Rolling In-Field Relay Unit requesting link. Do you read me? 10-5- - Damn. 4, we are rolling, Control. Over. I'm afraid it's the actress in her, mate. Well, it's just as well you left your vidicam. Can't go charging about with a sodding great thing like that. Well, there's villains in the place. Take the wheel, will you? [Dominique] I have you loud and clear. Bandits anticipated at Angles niner-zero. Over. Dominique, what are you talking about? I've got sat cam 0680 in orbiting lock on. Tally-ho, Control! Friend, voilà. It's an infrared camera used by sewer inspectors. It's short range and a limited battery life, but very handy for nefarious activities in the dark. If you know what I mean? Edison, your Big-Time camera link is strong showing you arriving at Mind's Eye. How much you want for it, son? 20 creds to sleep and dream. You should be fabulous, dear. Old punk dreams. Heavy metal, mate. Music of the angels. Brandy of the damned. Punks of the world unite! Wall up! Give it a bit of a welly. [yells] Reg. Sign here. Sorry. [giggles] Uh, next. Hey, Edison. Come on. - Reg. - Shut up. Put them on, come on. Wear them or else, you old skinhead. Oh! Easy, Reg, easy. Looks like a good bunch. 13's a bit repetitive, but we got a guy on 14 dreaming he's a girl. Might be interesting. Dom, where the lights? Where am I? [Dominique] Oh, Reg, use the camera. Use the infrared. Sometimes you're impossible. [Reg] Aah, right. Here we are. [Announcer] Step into the Mind's Eye. Do you want to experience direct the wildest dreams and fantasies of people as they happen? Feel your desires in an erotic novel. See what lies in the secret dreams of the executive, the young girl, the husky he-man, the poor and the rich-- [Theora] Murray, what was that? I don't know. That was us celebrating my promotion five years ago. [Announcer] Straight from the Mind's Eye. Sorry, Ed, I thought it was the lights. Doesn't matter. You cracked it, Reg. That's an ad up on that screen. An ad? For what? Dreams. They're stealing dreams and it's killing people. I killed Paddy Ashton. [projector powers down] [Theora] Edison, come in please. Go ahead, Control. Edison, your batteries are fading. I'm boosting your audio only. Go ahead, Bryce. I managed to crack your friend's code. I think you'll find it quite interesting material. All right, Bryce. Give it to me. May I- - May I just say that this was a joint effort-t-t? Logic, 10%. His. Poetic intuition, 90%. Mine. [Edison] Max, I don't have time for this now. It was a simple matter to extrapolate. Lots of mystical nonsense about magic eyes, third eyes, all that. then I got it-- pineal glands. What is he on about? Just hurry up, Bryce! It's pretty simple, really. The pineal gland was once here, on top of the brain. A light-sensitive gland. Birds still have them, and in lizards and salamanders, they're connected to an eye-like structure on the dorsal surface of the head. Anyway, in a real sense, it was once an eye. Dreams occur randomly in the electrochemical brain storage system-- the subconscious mind, as romantics have always wrongly called it. Now, the pineal is sort of a chemical gate, and, with the right drugs, it can make the images transfer backwards from the brain to the eye and actually play back on the eye's retina. The optimum conditions would be brain rest or sleep, thus a dreaming state. Simple. The brain just empties dreams out into the eye. You can record them. I should have thought of this before. You know, this may be what causes REM- - R-E-M-- rapid eye movement during dreaming. By the way, uh, they could only capture those images on film through some sort of telecine machine. Does that help? I've got everything I need. - [knocking] - [Man] You in there! - Well, whatever it is-- - Come on, open up! ...someone doesn't want you to have it. Control, what's the layout here? Only one door. Oh, there is a film reel lift by the projector. It looks pretty small, though. - Roger! - Come out of there! [Dominique] Oh, well done, Reg! Murrat, murrat, murrah! [Reg] Whoa! [thump] [Edison] God! [thump] Oh, sorry, squire. I didn't want to hang about. Ahem. We're okay now. Clean away. Lovely. [dog snarling] Dom, for crying out loud. Dominique, put it down, please. You should take things more seriously. I was guarding my turf. I even got Fang to growl. [laughing] The girl in there had a nightmare trauma. I know that's what happened to Paddy. It killed him. Those people killed him, Murray. They know this process is lethal. Can be lethal. May be. Now take it easy, Edison. You have a personal involvement here, and I can't let it influence your judgment, particularly if this thing is killing people. All right, I need a clear view here. I'm going back in, Murray. I want this! Those people are using dreams as entertainment, and they're killing people to get it. It's mind rape! The only way we can stop them is by proving they're killing people. Don't take me off this one, Murray. Edison? Edison? Damn it. He's too close to it, Theora. It's unprofessional. It's dangerous. This is what you call his unshakeable determination. No, it's what I call his pig-headed stubbornness. What are we going to do? Get Angela in the chopper. I'm going down there. Edison Carter, news break-- I'm coming. Clear me a 10-minute window. Speculate 12 on the story. - 12, got it. - This may be tight. Dung Po, you have control. Mind's Eye research participants, sign contracts here. This place is shut down! Go home! Sign contracts here. Quickly, people. Wake up! Come on! Wake up! Get your goggles on! Wake up! [Reg] Come on! Wakey-wakey! - Rise and shine! - Wake up! Come on! Get out of here! Wake up! Come on! Move it! Wakey-wakey! Wake up! Geronimo! I tell you, Edison Carter is in here. I'm getting out, Grieg. If Carter's on to this, he'll find out about the girl, about that Fringer guy. I'm out. Let's go, Control. [Theora] Standing by. Listen, Edison, Murray's coming down-- I'm going live, Control. 3, 2, 1, go. This is Edison Carter, live and direct from the Mind's Eye. This is the story of Paddy Ashton, my friend and colleague who died right here. This is outrageous! How dare you burst in here! I'm accusing you of causing the death of at least two people. You don't know what the hell you're talking about. - I want you out of here. - Try it. Edison! I demand my rights. What right did you extend to Paddy Ashton, the man who died here yesterday? He was insane. He was unbalanced. He left here perfectly well physically. Oh, you liar. He left here dead. Bravo. Turn that thing off. Well, congratulations. You've just gone live and direct to millions of people with pictures of the world's top telejournalist punching out an interviewee. I expect that's what you call breakthrough television. Back off, Murray! He killed Paddy! He's selling this stuff to a lousy subscriber channel! - He deserved it! - Quite probably. But not from you, not from us. We carry out objective investigative journalism, not personal vendetta. He killed Paddy Ashton for his dreams! Then you better knock me down, too. I also broke Paddy's dreams years ago, when I chose you instead of him. He died a bit then, too. So go ahead, knock me down. Go ahead. You do to me what you did to him over there. I think you owe somebody an apology. I think we both do. [Murray] There's nothing I want to say. Then I'll just say I'm sorry. To both of you. Are you okay? Is that a professional inquiry? No. How long is it since anyone told you you were a great guy? Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA coming to you very much live and direct on Network 23. Carter's the best known reporter we have on the air. He satellites globally. Where does all this stuff come from, Bryce? The components of Carter's mind. M-M-Max, M-M-Max. [Bryce] People translated as data. It's computer-generated, whatever it is. It looks like Edison. Max. Max Headroom. Max? He's a computer-generated person based on you. Two minds, but with one single memory. ♪ [pop, on television] ♪ Sometimes I wonder what I'm a-gonna do ♪ ♪ There ain't no cure for the summertime blues ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ This is Blank Reg, yeah. Reg. ♪ [guitar continues] Reg! ♪ [continues, lower volume] Dom, if it's not loud, it doesn't work. Are you tired of complaints about sagging buns or flat and naughty little muffins? Then this next product is just for you. And our first 23 callers will receive, absolutely free, this beautiful diamond necklace. I don't know how you can watch that drivel. One of my little pleasures. Makes me happy. If you want the real thing for the right stuff, Zik-Zak muffin is it. And the packaging is perfect as a soiree purse. [laughs] You know, this home shop-shop-shopping show is great. From start to finish, it's just sell, sell, sell, sell, sell, sell. At last, a show with no-no-no commercials. - Go away. - [static] Reg, Max is ruining my program. Good. Honestly, someone at Network 23 ought to do something about him. [static] Reg. Reg, come here. Reg! Ow! Bleeding hell, Dom, nearly ripped me bleeding ears off. Come here. Blimey, what is it? Look. Well, that's not Max, Dom. It's those zippers again. They must have a hell of a setup. Zipping into network transmissions takes a lot of power. Well, they're ruining my shopping. Takes a lot of nerve as well. How are they doing this? Well, you see, they hack into our satellite transponders and they hijack our frequency. Ashwell, Lauren means how are they cracking our security? Oh. They flatten our ratings every time they zip us like that. Look at those figures. Shoppin' Spree TV is diving. Viewers won't stand for this. This has got to be stopped. This is dangerous. If they can break into our carrier that easily, nothing's safe. Our bank accounts, our medical records. Never mind that. What about ratings? I've already alerted Bryce Lynch. He's been trying to track them for some time. He was a hacker himself, you know. Send a thief to catch a thief. Ah, Bryce. You get that last zipping? Of course. I've isolated the satellite they're hacking into. Now, it wasn't easy, because they hacked our security-- Bryce, just the conclusion will be fine. The conclusion, Mr. Cheviot, is that they are extremely good. But not as good as I am, naturally. Would you like to watch my endgame? He thinks this is a game. He thinks everything's a game. Don't you, Bryce? Yes. I often play chess with the 23 computer. - And I often beat it. - [ding] Ah, here we go. Would you like to watch? [typing] You've got it. Well done, Bryce. Uh, I think there's a little error. Can you hang on just one minute? [typing] There's your target. That's it, Mr. Cheviot. You've got your zipper. Let me have security. [Blank Reg] You're tuned to Big-Time Television. Where music is the brandy of the damned. So, let's pop the cork on this. Go, go, go. Hold on, Dominique, he just walked in. You see what that explosion did to the people in that city, you'll know why they call it a breeder reactor. Edison, it's Dominique. Blank Reg has been arrested. What happened? Metrocops. They said he was signal zipping. Reg? That's crazy. That's way out of his league. Reg asked me to call you. Edison, you've got to help him. Where are they holding him? Metro jail 42. I'm on my way. Insert credit tube. Now, just tell me the truth. Were you zipping into Network 23 transmissions from Big-Time? Do me a favor, girl. There's not enough power in that bus to zip up me trousers, never mind a network satellite. I don't think you understand the severity of this charge. Network zipping is a prime offense. - Sir. - I understand one thing, darling. Someone's trying to frame me. And when I find who, I'm gonna unilaterally murder the swine. Watch your threats. We are being monitored. Now, we might have a chance, as long as you aren't a recidivist. Me? No way. I can't even spell it. You don't have a criminal profile? That's right. Of course I don't. Edison, you've got to get me out of this. Someone is setting me up. Right up. [bell rings] All rise for the most highly rated judge. Please approach the bench. Your honor, the network has reason to believe that an indictment of first-degree zipping should be brought against this defendant. Counsel for the defense. I move for dismissal on the grounds that the network has no first-hand corroboration that my client committed this crime. He's a Blank, your honor. A Blank? In that case, he's beyond my jurisprudence. Video court. But you haven't evaluated my floppy disc. The charges stand. We've got to pick a court date. Would you care to do the honors? No thanks. All yours. I play Grateful Dead on Wednesdays. It only gives me one day to prepare your defense. You believe me, don't you, old son? Yeah. You didn't, you couldn't, and you wouldn't. Question is, who did? How's Reg? He's pretty angry, all right. What you got? Well, Bryce coordinated the targeting for that raid. It seems he had a problem and it switched from mid-set, which is very strange. Can it be switched? Yeah, it could, but why? Okay, the sat cam program produces a lot of temporary files. Then discards them. All those bits and pieces go into the purge directory, which is a sort of electronic trash bin. - Mm-hmm. - Which the systems operator empties at the end of the day. Everything ends up in there. Discarded files, bits and pieces of video outtakes, messages. I'll see what I can find. Praying, Bryce? No. No need, huh? No. Oh, good. Oh, good. Game of chess? No thanks, Max. You can be white. No thanks, Max, really. I'm thinking. I'm evaluating a recent strategy. I know. Did it work? What? Switching the coordinates. How on earth did you know? I happened to be flit-flit-flitting about the mainframe and I just watched the show. You won't tell. Will you? These files write over themselves a lot before they're thrown away. I'll get the computer to extrapolate it for us. Now, those are the coordinates of the target. But look, they switch and give us another set. What are the new coordinates? Big-Time Television. What are the original coordinates? I'm beginning to get a very nasty tingle in my spine. Well, that's good. Probably means a story. It's not nice to eavesdrop, Murray. It's not nice to falsify evidence, either. Let's have the coordinates. My God, it's ACS. The Academy of Computer Sciences. Now, that is a story. Network 23's computer wiz kids zipping their own channel? That's a story, all right. Yeah, I get your point. A bit sensitive. Sensitive? You can say that again. All right. Go to ACS. Lay some story on them, see just what's going on. Murray, Bryce Lynch on line two. Yeah. - Theora. - It'll be fun, Edison. Like going back to school. - Theora. - What? We both know something else about ACS, don't we? Yes, we do. It's where Bryce came from. We got a problem. Listen, I have a great idea. I just told Bryce to go with you. You see, he'll be able to talk to the kids, help you subvert the little geniuses. What's the matter? What is the matter? Well? Well what? W-Well, as they said to K-K-King Charles I on the scaffold, are you-are you going to go quietly? Or do you need a push? To ACS? Murray asked me to. I have to help Edison. What could I say? I have no choice. Of course-Of course you have a choice. The same one Charles I had. Exactly. Will you come with me? I think I have a problem. [School announcer] Academy of Computer Sciences fourth period pod begins in exactly 1 minute and 3.0 seconds. Your assignment for this period is to compute ten designs for peizo polymer fingers of a surgical robot hand. Also, please note that we have distinguished visitors from Network 23 today. So please show them how courteous we are. The spore is loaded. You take the first watch. Look here, that's me. Oh, yeah. You trying to tell me you had sideburns? Yeah. This bring back memories? Some. Most memories are the random retrieval of normally superfluous data. A waste of real time. I try to bulk erase mine daily. Yeah, well, be careful you don't erase all the bits that add up to experience. Oh, I keep the critical material. I remember my first undergraduate day here. It was Tuesday. It was raining, and I was cold. Huh. Your random recall is almost as good as Max'. Oh, that's not random. That was my tenth birthday. They've separated. These kids are bright. They're into securicams everywhere. I mean, I'm tapping off their illicit feeds. Which makes you even brighter. - Older. - Wiser. Marry me, Murray. [School announcer] Announcement. Nanotechnology pod test results are posted in the sub-micron lab for your viewing. Headsysop. Does it teach or devour maidens? Announcement. Students are reminded not to leave their mutated molecules in their lockers overnight. Well, we haven't got any absolute proof. But the signals were tracked to this campus. Naturally, I'm more inquisitive than anything else. Naturally. Are you positive about this? One of your former students did the tracking. Bryce Lynch. And he claims to be a genius, so... Ah, Lynch. Excellent student. Single-minded. Well, ACS students don't make mistakes, and Lynch was one of the very best. In his time, of course. Odd boy. He never made contact with his parents after he came to us. They were middle management, you know. - I well remember-- - [beeping] Time for my 3:00 pod. I'll bring this up after session. I'm as anxious as you to get to the bottom of it. Headsysops, pods. Tell you, in my day, it was headmasters and classes. Yes, yes. How times change. We're all input systems, operators, and pod managers now, my boy. But you can't fool and old head, you know. [laughs] Settle down, settle down. Order from chaos. And now, for your next project, you will each receive a package containing one floppy diskette, an old-fashioned 888 processor, and a coat hanger. With these materials, you will be expected to design a device to snare Clifford here. We'll see which one of you can build the better mousetrap. - Piece of cake. - Piece of cheese. Your humor parameters need expanding, Nicholas. Yes, Stratton? Can we kill it? Yes, that is within the bounds of the experiment. But I'm afraid you'll find that more difficult than you imagine. Uh, Miss Partridge? What are the time parameters here? You may have until the end of the day. If there are no further questions-- Yes, Stratton? What's Edison Carter doing here? Oh, once again my little code crunchers are getting ahead of their old sysop. Say hello to Mr. Edison Carter. [students] Hello, Mr. Carter. He does look like Max Headroom. Uh, no, actually. He looks like me. Mr. Carter brings a disturbing piece of information. He suspects some highly illegal signal zipping has been emanating from this campus. Now, if this is true, I expect the responsible party to report to my office. Because you are all minors, you will be spared the particular punishment usually afforded adults. As I am fond of saying, we have our own methods. Pod dismissed. They seem like a normal bunch of kids. - Oh, yes. - Homicidal rodent squishers. [laughs] You really expect the guilty party just to march right into your office? Of course. We instill the morality of binary absolutes here, Mr. Carter. The useful consequence of pure logic is the divine simplicity of a yes/no decision about everything. Well, what about right and wrong? I notice you said "responsible party," not "guilty." A gray area is quite useless to a computer specialist. We don't deal in guilt. We deal in information. That is why the appropriate party will be with us shortly. You will see. Let's adjourn to my office. Doesn't this place bring back f-f-fond memories, Bryce? Ah-Ah-Ah, the sounds, the s-s-squeak of trainers on the gym floor, the screech of ch-chalk on gallium chip. The secret kiss behind the computer terminal. It wasn't like that. Why do people get so sentimental about college days? Because for p-p-people like Edison, it was a time of giggles, g-g-girls, guys, and g-g-getting into trouble. - Not me. - Not yet. [Boy] Bryce Lynch is in there. Well, it's Bryce Lynch. We got the warning. Good. How's your security? Optimized. Only the inner circle knows. What's that? My computer regeneration project. Max Headroom. Ah, yes. We've heard about that. Rather primitive. We're into cross-species regeneration these days. A little more advanced. Se-Se-Se-- Seems like a nice boy. Nicholas rather enjoys his performances. Talk-Talk-Talking of performances, if you're gonna get us out of this m-m-mess you got us into, you'll need some fancy dancing. What puzzles me is how a former student could have been incorrect about ACS being the source of the zipping. Bryce wasn't wrong. The party who did it just isn't 'fessing up. Logically impure. It would assume that there is a guilty party. It just doesn't compute. It would imply a gray area. Not at ACS, Mr. Carter. We work with perfect information. Paradise, huh? Well, maybe you got a dragon in the Garden of Eden. You mind if I have a look around on my own? No, no, not at all. But, Mr. Carter, beware the dragon. [laughs] - How's Fang? - Off his food. Blimey, that bad? Now, be sure he gets his ice cream every night. Yes, I will, but he won't eat it out of your spoon for me. And Big-Time is off air. We could go out of business. He likes chocolate chip best. If they are zipping, Theora, they're very clever at hiding it. Apart from the inside of locker doors, - whole place is clean. - Oh, no, it isn't, Edison. That hardware they've got in there is fully capable of signal zipping. Look. Crafty little devils. That's nothing to the rest of the setup. Some have perverted little minds. Oh, good, there's Bryce. [Nicholas] Nice to see you accessing the old memory bank, sir. [Bryce] Turn down the potentiometer before you close the mic. I've come to say goodbye. We're about finished here. Are your mics security looped? - Of course. - Good. Congratulations. We got away with it. The only thing that can happen to Blank Reg now is some temporary discomfort. They'll soon find out he hasn't the power to zip and justice will compute. - Eventually. - You little beast. Bryce. I don't believe it. Lots of little girls' and boys' tricks in the system. What kind of games did you play, Theora? Growing up games. Doctors and nurses. [Edison] Yeah, well, there's nothing like a good physical. Okay, turn left and go straight ahead until you reach the stairwell. [Edison] Learn anything that might brighten my day? Yes, I was quite fast. At the top of the stairs, turn left and then down the hall. Ah. I must remember to try and catch up with you. - As a specialist? - But of course. Now I want you to lift the nose of the statue. Pardon? You lift the nose, you flip the switch, and the door behind the statue opens. I'm afraid Bryce has been a very naughty boy. I wonder what you tweak to close it. Well, Bryce, I wondered what had happened to you. What you up to? Sneaking a smoke? Or... zipping a network? Edison, how did you get in here? [squeaks] I think we better go have a little talk. Oh, and try and remember, I was a kid once too. I wish you hadn't kept anything from me. - Like what? - Your record. But he hasn't got a record. He's a Blank. Previous criminal activities. They can't have any files on me. I've been off the records for years. The network police ran a computer investigation. They say the probability is you committed these crimes. Oh, probability. Yes, Dominique. If the probability computes, and in cases where there's no evidence, they work on the probability. Well, I expect it saves everybody a lot of work. It's not gonna save you, Reg. You compute. And the punishment for network program zipping is terminal. You put together pieces of my sat cam sequence from the purge directory? Most of it. The computer did the rest. Man. I gotta recode that sat cam program to wipe out all the files before dumping them. We saw how you altered the target from ACS to Big-Time. Computer-enhanced files. Illegally obtained. You can't use that against me, Edison. That's inadmissible evidence. We don't want to use anything against you, Bryce. - We want to help Reg. So should you. - Why? Because you've put him in very serious danger. Bryce, I'm getting angry. Then stop. It's quite unnecessary. Blank Reg didn't zip our transmissions, right? You know he didn't. [Theora] Why did you do it? I mean, why Reg, of all people? I had to make a quick decision. I had to protect ACS, didn't I? I don't believe it. An emotion. A decision, Edison. I simply selected the closest option that would achieve that goal. Now, Blank Reg couldn't be proven guilty. It's an optimum solution. What about right and wrong? Non-empirical concepts. Don't you understand? The network court wants to make an example of someone. [Theora] And Reg is it. Network courts. Our courts. All we have to do is rearrange the information. As long as no one finds out about ACS. Bryce, stop treating people like machines. You can't rearrange information which is evidence. Grow up. Okay, okay, so you were right. He is an obstinate little child. Where are you going, Edison? Cheviot's office. Maybe I can get him to fix things with the network court. You're just like Bryce. - What? - Fix things with the court. - I mean, what about Reg? - I care about Reg. What about justice? You don't need to fix it. He didn't do it. But how do we prove he didn't do it? Bryce is right. We can't use the information he accessed and we can't testify for Reg. As 23's employees, our evidence is inadmissible in 23's court. Unless Bryce helps, Reg is in very real trouble. Well, I'm gonna go and see Reg. I mean, there must be a way of proving he's incapable of zipping from Big-Time. If Bryce won't help, I will. Why are you smirking at me like that? Me? Smirk? That's not in my pro-pro-program. I thought you were on my side. It's not a ques-question of sides anymore, Bryce. Ha ha. Except for the right side. I'm uncharacteristically confused. I'm used to logic, not opinion. The thing- - The thing is you're a bit like me. Ex-Except we've got different bits. Sometimes I think I could use some leg-legs, and right now I think you-you-you could use some conscience. Which file is it in? Think of yourself as a human program and that bit of you has developed a glitch-ch-ch. Developed a glitch. Everyone keeps lecturing me these days. That's why I'm just talk-talk-t-talking to you about getting Blank Reg released. I know. Yes, sir. That's right, sir. We dropped off three more. Leave the truck around the loading dock. If you told your lawyer about your criminal profile, she might have been better prepared to defend you. I told you, Dom, I didn't know. How could you not know you had a criminal profile? It's something called the Career Capability Malfeasance Program. CPMP. It's the program that matches Blanks with unassigned profiles. It compares the crime template to the personality template. And if it matches, you're assumed guilty. Criminals can blank out their identities, but they can't get rid of their criminal profile. Are you saying there are more criminal profiles than there are criminals? Precisely. If a Blank is arrested now, they run a CPMP on him. If the computer says the probability is high enough, it's considered a match. So that isn't really your profile. That's what I've been trying to tell you. Blimey, Dom. Isn't science wonderful? - Oh, Reg. - Yeah, wonderfully inhuman. I'm gonna go to 23. Our only chance is to get Murray to authorize this as a story. Template matching isn't justice. It's just administrative convenience. Administrators. Button pushers. Hold on, Reg. As they say, the last resort of the innocent is always publicity. Watch me. Nicholas. We need a real-time conference. What's tickling your synapses? Now look. In my day, zipping used to be a good hack. But things have changed. It's a criminal offense now. And by trying to protect you and ACS, I'm in conflict with my own network. So? So flatline the project and submit a report to your sysop. That's not a winning option. You're a minor. They won't do anything to you. They'll dump me from the Academy, Bryce. Look, as long as nobody says anything, nobody gets in trouble. Blank Reg does. Who? That guy? He's just an old Blank. But he didn't do it. We both know that. That's irrelevant. Is this what happens when you have to work around computer illiterates? You're really not compiling this, are you, Nicholas? You did it. Blank Reg didn't. Facts. Give me credit, Bryce. I've got it all worked out. I'm sure your procedures are impeccable. But you're using the wrong formula. You remind me of myself. Should I take that as a compliment? No. Calm down, Reg. I'm sure Miss Keeler is on her way. If she's late for my trial, I'll kill her. [siren wails] All homicide threats are recorded for later playback. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, sunshine. [laughs] Bryce. I'm at the Academy. I just had a real-time conference with the zipping hacker. - Nicholas. - That's wonderful. No, it's not. It didn't work. I don't know what to do, Theora. Help me. What is it? We just found out who the guest prosecutor is. Paul Wade? But he's the frontman for 23's You the Jury show. And the best television prosecutor money can buy. It's a game show for my life. Welcome to Network 23's award-winning game show You the Jury. This is the defendant, Blank Reg, a pirate TV operator employed by Big-Time Television, who Network 23 has charged with first-degree signal zipping. These are the Metrocops who claim they caught Blank Reg in the act. And this is the TV pirate's attorney, Shelley Keeler. Shelley's got her work cut out for her, because today's guest prosecutor is the Channel of Fortune's leading quiz master, - Paul Wade. - [applause] On the show where the audience decides the verdict, You the Jury. We'll be back with our first pleading in just a moment, but first, this word. If you want to do justice to your cooking, try Zik-Zak Soy Muffin Mix. Tasteless, colorless, and odorless. The perfect base for every taste. Don't be guilty that they have no taste. I know, Mr. Cheviot, but Edison insisted. All right, Murray, put him on. Yes, Carter. Your network court is on the verge of convicting an innocent man. That's an awfully serious charge. Can you back it up? I can. But I need you to buy me a little more time. Are you asking me to subvert the network's judicial process? Quite the contrary. I believe the true source of the zipping is not Blank Reg, but the Academy of Computer Sciences. For God's sake, Edison, those youngsters represent the distillation of human intellect. They're the root stock of the future. Bryce Lynch is the product of ACS. And Bryce is covering this up by changing the coordinates away from the true source of the zipping. If that's true, if our own head of research and development is responsible for covering up a crime which cost this network hundreds of thousands of credits, we'll be the laughingstock of the industry. We could lose the entire Zik-Zak account. Mr. Cheviot, couldn't we reschedule the network court? Give Edison some time to clean up this mess. Please. Sir, the accused is Blank Reg. I'm sorry about Blank Reg, believe me. If he's innocent, I'm sure he'll be acquitted. He's only one man. I have to concern myself with the greatest good for the greatest number of people. Which means this entire network. No, Murray. I won't reschedule. Better find Bryce. It's time for kill or cure. Welcome back to You the Jury. And now, here's the judge. Thank you. Hello, hello, hello. Oh, thank you, thank you. And welcome to the show that puts you in the jury box. Our first case today involves a charge of zipping against a Blank Reg. For 1,000 credits, how does your client plead, Ms. Keeler? Innocent. I-- I mean, not guilty, sir. Just relax, Ms. Keeler. Proceed with your opening argument, Mr. Wade. Thanks, Bob. Ladies and gentlemen, the prosecution intends to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Blank known as Reg is guilty of network zipping. What we're really talking about here is principle. What we're talking about is a threat to television. To our lives. We are talking about interruptioning. When decent, honest, peaceful television-loving people cannot watch Shoppin' Spree without these savage attacks on their viewing freedom, we have to ask this question. Are we being too lenient? When our wives and daughters cannot shop from their own homes in peace, we must ask is consumerism itself under attack? [crowd boos] Credit for your thoughts. Save your money, Edison. You already know. I don't want to sound paranoid, but... I know this place is bugged. Now we're in a cone of silence. No one can eavesdrop. I tried to redirect Nicholas, but he's a poorly designed system. What system? The system that allows him to be better off by keeping quiet. I mean, what good is a system if it doesn't work properly? I hate to be the one to break this to you, Bryce, but life is more than just interactive systems analysis. Not really. It's a matter of information. Once we understand and collate our ideas, life will be much simpler, really. It's a matter of number crunching. It's not just more complicated. Look, life is based on something more than just logic. It's based on... feelings. So everyone keeps telling me. Is it difficult to keep your feelings at bay? Well, you can switch them off when they become inconvenient. It's just that every time you do, you become a byte less human. But what if a microchip failed to work properly because it had to make a moral decision every time it switched? Okay. And what if you created an artificial intelligence and it wouldn't work because it disagreed with your principles? Then you have a choice which is not just a yes/no binary absolute. It's a question of conscience. Yeah. Conscience. Better work that one out. Look, I really enjoyed this little chat, but I gotta get going. I gotta go watch a friend of mine go down for something he didn't do. Well, at least you'll understand that. So, my little ch-ch-chip off the old mainframe, what are you going to do? Well, I think I need to rewrite my own program. Okay. Now, moving on to our second round of questioning. [buzzer] Oh, that's the plea-bargaining buzzer. Approach the bench, guys. [no audible dialogue] According to our rolling audience poll, the Blank Reg should be reduced to random electrons by a margin of 9 to 1. This is my first and last offer, sweetheart. If the Blank cops to zipping, I'll settle for life and a day. I have to confer with my client. Will she go for the life and a day, or try to get the Blank free? Let's ask some of the folks in the gallery what they think. - This is the deal. - I understand the offer. If I confess to something I didn't do, I go to prison for the rest of me life. Stuff it. I'd make a very bad prisoner. They used the phrase random electrons. I can't spell that, either. It means no? Conference time's up. Approach the bench. So, what'll it be, Shelley? [dinging] We're gonna go for it. Oh, they're gonna go for it. Nicholas. You've been cheating. Nice try. Cheating? Loading inaccurate information designed to crash a logic program. And output bias to produce selective information. And putting it simply, Nick, lying. We couldn't. The coordinates are clear. It really was the Big-Time bus the zipping came from. Blank Reg must be brilliant. And guilty. Hey, let's watch his sentencing. Blank Reg, eh? Fancy being able to zip a live program. Bryce, you're making a mistake in your old age. You can't tell one set of coordinates from another. I assumed you guys had learned something since I was here, but it's evident that your generation hasn't the skills nor the system for zipping. What would you call this setup? Toys for Tots. You're taking credit for Reg's achievement. You're obviously trying to impress the girls. Say when, Mr. Lynch. Nicholas, you're behaving emotionally. Shut up. You wouldn't dare. --jury find Blank-- - I move for dismissal. - [buzzer] Hold it. Looks like we've got a move for dismissal. - On what grounds, Ms. Keeler? - Pure logic. My client, Blank Reg, couldn't possibly have caused the zipping you just saw. He's here in the court. [dinging] Oh. Dismissed. Oh, Dom, that's the first time you've ever had your arms around me. Oh, Reggie, darling. Ugh, about your personal hygiene. Oh. [laughs] What made Bryce change his mind? He didn't. He adjusted his parameters. Think it'll make him any easier to work with? Never. Con-Con-Converts are the worst kind of bigots. One of yours? One of my best. [laughing] Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA performed by Harry James) (narrator) Once upon a time, many years ago two burglars broke into our neighbours' house in Rockaway. Mr and Mrs Needleman had gone to a movie. The following events occurred. (frantic whispering) (phone rings) - You think vve should ansvver the phone? - Are you crazy? You vvanna vvake up the vvhole neighbourhood? Hello? You, Mr Marty Needleman, have been chosen from the telephone book to guess that tune! (dramatic chord) Jesus. (snatch of dance music) Can you tell us vvhat is the tune the orchestra is playing? I can't hear it. Find the radio and turn it on! - What's goin' on? - Shh. I can't hear. - What are you doin'? - I think I knovv it. Jesus! (hums along to tune) - "Dancing in the Dark". - That's right! And novv for question tvvo on the vvay to the grand jackpot. Here's the tune. - "Chinatovvn, My Chinatovvn". - That's correct! And novv the chance for the grand jackpot vvith all the prizes! This one is not so easy, so get ready. - It sounds familiar. I don't... - I knovv that one. I knovv it from my father. - What? - "The Sailor's Hornpipe". "The Sailor's Hornpipe"? That's right! Mr Marty Needleman, you've vvon the grand jackpot! I'm rich! Ah-ha-ha-ha! We vvon! The Needlemans returned home and were shocked to find a ransacked apartment with $50 and silverware missing. But the following morning a truck arrived. Now I love old radio stories, and I know a million of 'em. I've collected 'em down the years, like a hobby. Anecdotes and gossip, and inside stories about the stars. I recall so many personal experiences from when I grew up and listened to one show after another. This girl singing used to be a favourite at my house - one of many. Now it's all gone. Except for the memories. The scene is Rockaway. The time is my childhood. It's my old neighbourhood, and forgive me if I tend to romanticise the past. I mean, it wasn't always as stormy and rain-swept as this. But I remember it that way because that was it at its most beautiful. In those days the radio was constantly playing at our house. My mother, for instance, never missed her favourite show "Breakfast with Irene and Roger". (woman) Good morning, darling. Pass the orange juice. (man) There you go. Quite an opening night we attended last night, wasn't it? Yes, wasn't it divine? Everyone was there, from Rodgers and Hart to Cole Porter. (narrator) Two completely different worlds. While my mother stood over the dirty plates Irene and Roger ate an elegant breakfast in their chic Manhattan town house while they chatted charmingly about people and places we only dreamt of. Tomorrovv morning vve'll tell you all about it and also about the nevv Moss Hart play, vvhich I hear is just divine. - This is Irene Draper... ...and Roger Daly, saying have us for breakfast tomorrovv and every morning and have a vvonderful day. My own personal favourite show was called "The Masked Avenger" who I fantasised was a cross between Superman and Cary Grant. Little did I know. - It's the Masked Avenger! - It's off to jail for you. I hope you'll enjoy making licence plates. I'd like to tell you about the Masked Avenger secret-compartment ring and how it turned me to crime. But first you have to meet me. And my family. There I am in my Masked Avenger hat and goggles which I got off my friend in a trade. Then there were my father and mother two people who could find an argument in any subject. Wait, you think the Atlantic is a greater ocean than the Pacific? ! No. Have it your vvay. The Pacific is greater. I mean, how many people fight over oceans? Then there was my Uncle Abe. He got fish from his friends at Sheepshead Bay. Ceil, I'm home! Ceil, I got fish. I got great fish today. - What do vve need more fish for? - And my Aunt Ceil who dreamed of a more exciting life than having to fillet his flounder. - They're fresh fish! - He has friends at Oscar's Dock so he can't spend one day there vvhere they don't load him up vvith fish! You don't like it, take the gas pipe! Next there was Grandpa and Grandma. Every morning he spent a half hour packing her into her corset. I'm pulling, I'm pulling! A vvoman in her seventies, and her bosom is still grovving! Abe and Ceil's daughter was Cousin Ruthie who entertained herself by listening to the neighbours on the party line. - Mrs Waldbaum's having her ovaries out! - Both, or one? Get off the line, OK? Stop listening in on my phone! Stop snooping on us! All right, all right! Don't get your bovvels in an uproar! Nobody's snooping. Oh, yeah? My vvife hears her breathing. And she giggles! Hey, Waldbaum! You think vve care vvhat goes on in your house? Let them take her ovaries out! What's it our business? Mrs Waldbaum had a steel plate in her head. It was said she couldn't walk near magnets. (dance music) Finally, there was Aunt Bea, who only wanted to get married. This is a lindy. My dancing teacher gave me this great nevv step for it. Hey, Tess? Tess, I can't decide if I should take my vacation on a cruise or go to the mountains. I mean, the men are richer on a cruise, but there's more of them in the resorts. Well, I met my husband at a mountain resort, so I advise you to go on a cruise. That's very funny. Can vve get back to my idea? We buy cultured pearls. We box 'em here in velvet, and vve sell them mail order. You vvere in jevvellery. It didn't vvork. We got stuck vvith the rhinestone earrings. You don't have a business head. We got stuck vvith mail-order parts you tried seeds, then you lost money selling greeting cards... We have 6,000 "Get Well" cards in the closet! There aren't 6,000 sick people in America! Forget it. I'll spend the rest of my life at the job I do. - What do you do, Dad? - None of your business. - All my friends knovv vvhat their dads do. - Don't you have homevvork? - Got 15 cents for a Masked Avenger ring? - What am I, made of money? Pay attention to your school vvork, not the radio! - You alvvays listen to the radio. - It's different. Our lives are ruined already. You still have a chance to be somebody. - Think I vvant you doin' the job I do? - I don't knovv vvhat your job is. - You gotta get an education. - While I'm getting it, can I get the ring? We don't have money to vvaste. You think vve all like living together? We'd like to save up, maybe have another child. Your father vvorks like a horse supporting everybody... - At vvhat? - He's a big butter-and-egg man. What do you mean, our lives are ruined? I didn't mean ruined ruined. We're poor but happy. But definitely poor. Isn't this a beautiful sea bass? Who vvants to join me, hm? By now you've probably guessed that the Masked Avenger ring meant a lot to me. Well, it did. Because they were gold and mysterious, and they fit any finger. The box top I already had, but the 15 cents was hard to come by in those days. I tried not thinking about it, but it was very hard to keep off my mind. ...and the masts and the sail. You even have to vvork vvith the tvveezers to get some of the small stuff in. - l'll pass it around. - That vvas lovely, Evelyn. Arnold, vvhy don't you shovv the class vvhat you have? Stand right over there. - I found this on my parents' night table. - That vvill be enough! Sit dovvn! Put that thing in your pocket and sit dovvn! Ross, you have something suitable to shovv the class, don't you? Very good. Stand right here. This is my Masked Avenger secret-compartment ring. It's very special to me... Now, basically I was an honest kid. But there are some things in life that are just too compelling. That afternoon at Hebrew school, a scheme occurred to me. Next vveek, vve are going to issue collection boxes. And each of you vvill be asked to go out in the street and collect funds for the promotion of a nevv state in Palestine. Can you give to the Jevvish National Fund to help us build a homeland in Palestine? Hovv about you? Can you give to the Jevvish National Fund? Can you... No? Hey, can you... Excuse me, can you... Give it to me. Please. Thank you. Guys, vve got enough to get the Masked Avenger rings and an ice cream soda. - We gotta leave some for Palestine. - Why? It's all the vvay over in Egypt. - It's a sin. What if the rabbi catches us? - He vvon't. Besides, I can handle him. - You sure? - Positive. Dimes! I got four dimes! Monies for a Jevvish homeland used to buy this Masked Avenger ring? ! My heart is full of grief. It svvells vvith anguish! - He'll pay back every cent. - Yep. Shut up. I don't knovv vvhat to do, Rabbi. Every night he listens to the radio. I say "Go to the beach, play in the sun, get some fresh air." No. The Lone Ranger, the Shadovv, the Masked Avenger... This is no good. This boy needs discipline. Radio... Tsk-tsk... It's all right once in a vvhile. Othervvise it tends to induce bad values, false dreams, lazy habits. Listening to these stories of foolishness and violence this is no vvay for a boy to grovv up. You speak the truth, my faithful Indian companion. To a rabbi you say "my faithful Indian companion"? ! - Hey, don't hit my son. - What kind of upbringing is this? ! Look, I'll hit him, but you don't hit him! - I said I'll hit him! You leave him alone! - No, I'll hit him! You're too lenient! Oh, I'm lenient? What, that's lenient? I am a faithful Indian? Such an impertinence! Rabbi, I vvill teach him some manners. You and that radio! - Think that's lenient? ! - Enough, enough. You'll hurt the boy. And so that ended my career in crime. And I never did get the Masked Avenger ring. But to this day I still get chills when I recall his famous sign-off. (radio presenter) Tune in for another adventure of "The Masked Avenger" when he flies over the city rooftops, and we all hear his cry: (Masked Avenger) Beware, evildoers, wherever you are! (dramatic music) (dance music) - Tess, did you see my yellovv bag? - I didn't touch it. Ooh, vvhat is that? Turn it up. - What's the fuss? - Mr Manulis finally asked her out. - What'd he do, go blind? - Him vvith the insults, right? Hey! - Tell her she looks nice. - l'll tell her, I'll tell her. Mrs Waldbaum found a pocketbook and she doesn't think she's gonna give it back. - Tess, can I borrovv your anchor pin? - Sure, sure. Oh, God, he's so handsome! I vvaited so long! I never thought he'd ask me! - Where'd you meet? - In the Catskills. He rides horseback, he dances, he's some tennis player! - Sounds a perfect victim. What's he do? - His firm imports coffee. - What do you do, Dad? - Hey, get my cigarettes. - This could be the ansvver to my prayers. - Isn't it time you compromised? - I don't knovv the meaning of that vvord. - So stay single. Can you smell my perfume? (doorbell) Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. OK... Ceil, get it. I don't vvant to appear too anxious. I've been cleaning fish all afternoon. - l'll get it. - Oh, my gosh, my glasses. Almost forgot my glasses. (Tess) Oh, vvell, hello! Come on in. Would you come in, please? - I'm Bea's sister, Tess. - Hovv do you do? ls Bea ready? Oh, she'll only be a minute. - This is, uh, most of my family. - Oh, hello. - And this is my husband. - Oh, pleased, pleased! - That's, uh, a firm handshake you got. - Well, sure. I hate vvhen somebody shakes your hand, they put a dead pavv in it. - Sidney. - Ahh! - Have you been vvaiting long? - Oh, not at all, sugar. - Well, have a nice time. - Yeah, come on, sugar. Into the old jalopy. We're gonna paint the tovvn red! - Avv, gosh, didn't Bea look lovely? - Did she fall into a vat of perfume? When vve vvere young, of the three sisters, she vvas considered the pretty one. - Some contest. - Oh, vvhat do you knovv? You're lucky I love you, you old douche bag. Aunt Bea and Mr Manulis were having a wonderful time. He took her out to Coney Island, where they went roller-skating. Although she had never roller-skated in her life in his capable hands, she did her best. He took her for oysters and beer. As she later told the story, she was shy about having to wear glasses and kept trying to hide the fact that she needed them. Aunt Bea was really developing a crush on Mr Manulis. As they ate and joked, it would have been impossible to guess that their evening together would soon end in total disaster. Oh, did I have a vvonderful time! I'm still a little tipsy from that beer. - Oh, really? Cos you only had one. - I knovv, but alcohol affects me strongly. And you, hovv can you even drive? You must have had five beers! Oh, I'm a big boy. I could have ten! Oh, and it's so foggy. Yeah. I love the fog. It's very romantic. (car backfires) What's that? You vvon't believe this, but vve're out of gas. Oh, gosh. Wouldn't you knovv it? Right out here on the tip of Breezy Point, too. Looks like vve're stuck here. At least till the fog lifts. Oh, vvell, vvhat's a girl to do? Oh, Sidney! Sidney, this is our first date together. Avv, Bea, you knovv hovv I feel about ya. (radio) We interrupt with a special news bulletin. A state of emergency has been declared by the president of the US. We go live to Wilson's Glen, New Jersey where the landing of hundreds of spacecraft has now been officially confirmed as a full-scale invasion by Martians. (interference) People are dying and being trampled in their efforts to escape. The power lines are down everywhere. We could be cut off at any minute. Oh, my gosh! There's another group of spaceships, of alien ships, coming out of the sky... (narrator) Despite his bravado Mr Manulis panicked and bolted out of the car. He was so frightened by the reports of interplanetary invasion that he ran off leaving Aunt Bea to contend with the green monsters he expected to drop from the sky at any moment. She walked home. Six miles. When Mr Manulis called for a date the next week she told my mother to say she couldn't see him. She had married a Martian. Now earlier, I promised some inside stories about the stars. Here's a little something that actually happened one night with Roger and Irene. - Everyone's here tonight, svveetheart. - Isn't that Richard? Oh, Richard? We savv that shovv at the Morosco. You're right, it's terrific. Thank you. I thought I savv Ernest Hemingvvay at the bar. Well, I heard he vvas in tovvn, angel, yes. - Cigars? Cigarettes? - l'll have some Camels. Oh, hello, Mr Daly. Where have you been? ! I can never get hold of you. - I told you it vvas over. - Please don't say that! Listen, you call me all hours! I meet... I meet you in hotel rooms, in the back of cars, in stalled elevators... - You're gonna lose your respect for me. - Please, don't be unreasonable. Cigars? Cigarettes? Cigar, please. Thank you very much. Sally, you can't break it off novv. I'm in love vvith you. Yeah. If you loved me, you'd leave your vvife and marry me. I can't. Our ratings are too high. Hi, Roger. Lucky Strikes, please. Tico, Tico! Brrrrrrrr! (sings in Portuguese) I look at you and I'm aflame vvith longing. Oh, vvhat am I gonna do? I'm a single girl. I vvant you, Sally. I... I crave you. I spoke to the head of the agency about you. He vvants to meet you. Really? I told him you vvere the most promising young actress I'd seen in years. - But you've never even seen me act. - I've got great intuition. I care so much about you. I've just got to have you, Sally. I'm... I'm exploding vvith desire. Well, I... We can't do it novv. I'm vvorking my shift. There must be somevvhere vve can be alone for a fevv minutes. I'd be takin' a real chance. I told my vvife I vvas going to have a drink vvith Richard Rodgers. You knovv, vve alvvays table-hop for a long time. Let me think. So, as the story goes, Roger and Sally set out to find a secluded trysting place while Roger's wife Irene spent her time drinking and hobnobbing with society's most interesting and exotic Latin playboy. I... I think it's probably pretty safe up here. Listen, I only got a ten-minute break. Come here, baby. - He vvants to meet me? - Who? - The head of the agency. - Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah. Oh, vvait... - Can you take this off? - Yeah, sure. - You tell him I could sing? - Sure. Like a... like a nightingale. - You told him that? - Yeah. - Promise? - Oh, yeah! Yeah! Boy, that vvas fast! It probably helped I had the hiccups. I've got to get back to the table. Sally, this door's locked. - It is? - It's locked from the inside! - Oh, no... What are vve gonna do? - The trick is not to panic. - There's no other vvay dovvn! - Well, vve'll have to climb dovvn. I can't climb dovvn the building! What do you think I am? ! - Didn't you knovv it locks from the inside? - No! I never actually came up here vvith anybody but you. Oh, my God! What a predicament! And that's exactly how it happened. No matter how hard they tried, Roger and Sally could not get back in. Legend has it an electrical storm broke out and that he was struck by lightning and had to miss his show for a month. Another version of the story I heard said that Irene came up to the roof with the same intention as her husband, and that Sally got fired. The other three were so sophisticated they all spent the weekend in the same hotel suite in Havana. (dance music from radio) - It's terrible. They have no respect! - They should be throvvn out. - It's a disgrace! - My nerves are on edge from hunger. You think they fast? They don't care about the High Holidays. - Grandma can't stand the radio next door. - Oh, it's avvful! It's just avvful! Wait, I don't understand. I thought you're allovved to turn it on. No. For 24 hours you're supposed to do nothing. Not even turn on a light svvitch. Just sit and fast and pray and atone for your sins. - Well, hovv come they're not? - They're Communists! - They don't believe in religion. - Abe, go speak to them. Me? ! I'd like to burn their house dovvn, but I'm not allovved to light matches today. At least they should do it out of respect for the neighbours. They're Jevvish, but they don't believe in God, just Stalin! Well, I'm just gonna go tell 'em a fevv things, that's all. - Hey! What the hell are you doin'? ! - Can you turn that off? We're praying. Praying? You should be vvorking. Working for the benefit of your fellovv man! - It is a sin to vvork today! - It's a sin not to vvork! Oh, please! Today is the most holy day. Can't you please turn off the radio? (radio continues) - He's been there over an hour. - Yeah. Meanvvhile the radio's still on. Be careful. The daughter believes in free love. - Why do you say that? - Hear vvhat happened to Mrs Silverman? She couldn't sleep. She was up one night taking a cup of tea and she heard a car pull up at three in the morning. So, you know Mrs Silverman. She always likes to know what's going on. So she's peeking out her front door, and there's the girl across the street... You're not gonna believe this, Ceil. She gives the guy a big, long kiss! Well, you can imagine how Rose Silverman reacted. She had a stroke on the spot. Her arteries hardened. The woman remained frozen, the teacup on the way to her mouth. They never saw anything like it at the hospital. I'm telling you, Ceil, she vvas as stiff as a board. - I'm home. - Abe, they're still carrying' on! - What'd you do there for over an hour? - I talked. Or rather I listened. - Hey, you didn't eat? ! - I did eat. - Abe, vve're fasting! - They're right! It's silly! - Oh, my God, Abe! - I should fast to atone for my sins? What are my sins? Who did I bother? The only sin is the exploitation of the vvorker by the bosses. Did the daughter get hold of you? See, the problem is not betvveen man and some imaginary superbeing it's betvveen man and the ovvners of 90% of the vvorld's vvealth. What do you mean, "some imaginary superbeing"? You don't believe in God? Religion is the opium of the masses. - Abe, God vvill punish you! - No. God is not interested in... in me. He... - What's the matter? - Uh... Abe? - Chest pains. - Abe, really? - Abe, are you all right? - I can't breathe. - Just relax. Just relax. - Breathe out slovvly. - Abe, I told you God vvould punish you. - l'll get the doctor's number. Maybe it's indigestion. What did you eat there? - Uh, some pork chops... - Pork chops? ! And some clams. And chocolate pudding. - Abe, hovv could you do this? ! - And French fries. You vvon't eat my French fries, but you eat the commies' French fries? ! - I'm gonna get him some bicarbonate. - He deserves an enema! - Oh, Ceil! - Yeah, right! Hello, sports fans, and vvelcome to Bill Kern's Favourite Sports Legends. Now in my family, each person had his own favourite show. For instance, my Uncle Abe was a great sports fan and he always listened to Bill Kern. (radio) Today's story is about a baseball player. His name was Kirby Kyle, a lean southpaw from Tennessee. He played for the old St Louis Cardinals. He threvv fast, and he had a good curve ball, and all the hitters knevv it. He vvas a kid vvith a great future. But one day he vvent hunting. He loved to hunt, just like his father and his father's father. Chasing a rabbit, he stumbled and his rifle went off. (gunshot) The bullet entered his leg. Tvvo days later, it vvas amputated. They said he vvould never pitch again. But the next season he was back. He had one leg, but he had something more important. He had... heart. The following winter, another accident cost Kirby Kyle an arm. Fortunately, not his pitching arm. He had one leg and one arm but more than that... he had heart. The next winter, going after duck, his gun misfired. (gunshot) He was blind. But he had instinct as to where to throw the baseball. Instinct... and heart. The follovving year, Kirby Kyle vvas run over by a truck and killed. The follovving season he vvon 18 games in the big league in the sky. (music) This has been Bill Kern vvith another favourite sports legend. While Uncle Abe loved the Bill Kern sports show his wife Ceil adored a very prominent ventriloquist and this always used to drive Abe crazy. He's a ventriloquist on the radio! Hovv do you knovv he's not movin' his lips? Who cares? Leave me alone. (guffaws) (musical intro) Ceil and Abe's daughter Ruthie had her own favourite programme. Naturally it was one of those romantic boy crooners. She and her girlfriends used to sit and swoon endlessly over the sentimental lyrics and velvety voice. The local boys, of course, were all a little jealous and they used to look on disgustedly, thinking the girls were real jerks. And novv, ladies and gentlemen, the makers of General Sparkplugs bring you The Court of Human Emotions vvith vvorld-famous counsellor on affairs of the human heart Thomas Abercrombie. And novv, my friends... My mother and father loved the show where people were helped with personal problems. Six years ago his mother came to live vvith us, and he vvon't throvv her out! - Hovv can I throvv my ovvn mother out? ! - Grab her by the throat and throvv her out! - Oh, just like that? - Yes! She has to go out in the street! - Why don't you just stick a knife in here? ! - I'm not sticking a knife anyvvhere! - Throvv my mother out! - You take a knife! I found the show silly. I'd imagine my parents on it, airing their standard complaints. He never finishes vvhat he starts. We're forced to live vvith my relatives - thank God for them! - And I could have married Sam Slotkin. - Sam Slotkin's dead. - But vvhile he vvas alive he vvas vvorking! - She'd be lost vvithout her family. And you should see 'em. They're like the Huns! If I'd married a more encouraging vvoman... - So vvho do you think is right? - I think you both deserve each other. - What does that mean? - We didn't come here to be insulted. I love him, but vvhat did I do to deserve him? Naturally, my folks never were on the Mr Abercrombie programme. In fact, the only radio celebrity any of us ever really met in person was the 14-year-old mathematical genius of a quiz show my father loved called "The Whiz Kids". Hey, Tess. That's one of the kids from the radio. It's a Whiz Kid. (whispers) Hey, Joe, it's one of the Whiz Kids from the radio. Hey, excuse me? Uh, pardon me? We really enjoy your son on the radio. You're a real genius. Yes. I have a 160 IQ, and that is extraordinary, by any standards. And this is our son. Say hello. - Hi. - Charmed to make your acquaintance. Although perhaps "charmed" is really overstating it. - Your son is a vvhiz at math. - Quick, vvhat's 1754 into 13 million? Martin! This palooka can't even pass a simple arithmetic exam! And novv, if you'll excuse us... Boy, vvhat a kid. So vvell spoken. Why can't you be like that? Why can't you be a genius? ! I'll tell you vvhy: because you're too busy listening to the radio! Put your hat on! Put his hat on. Honest to goodness! Aunt Bea listened almost exclusively to music. Because of her, I grew up hearing the most wonderful songs. There are certain songs that, no matter where I am the minute I hear them I get instant memory flashes. For instance, every time I hear this song I think of Evelyn Goorwitz who I had a crush on, but who didn't like me. I remember her pretty girlfriend treated me like I had the plague. But eventually persistence won out and I did break down her resistance. I can never hear this song without recalling my parents' anniversary. It was the only time I ever saw them kiss. It was a very wonderful memory. Now when this song was popular, I remember a strange little event. My friend Andrew and I built a snowman outside the school. He supplemented its anatomy with a particular vegetable. (Latin music) Another song we listened to was by Carmen Miranda. I can only think of my cousin Ruthie and how much she loved it. "Mairzy Doats". I remember when I first heard that song. I always associate its popularity with a bizarre incident when Mr Zipsky, normally a very quiet man had a nervous breakdown and ran amok through the shopping district. My most vivid memory connected with an old radio song I associate with the time Aunt Bea and her then-boyfriend Chester took me into New York to the movies. It was the first time I'd ever seen the Radio City Music Hall and it was like entering heaven. I just never saw anything so beautiful in my life. - (thunder) - Ahh! Lightning! Now remember Sally the cigarette girl? Well, I wanna come back to her now because there are some great radio stories associated with Sally. She was one of those characters that are always around when things happen. Plus, she eventually became the star of Aunt Ceil's favourite show. But that's later. Right now we find her struggling a coat-check girl in a nightclub run by a mobster. It's after hours. Oh, my God! You killed Mr Davis! - I savv you shoot him! - (gun empty) Help! Oh, my God! Help! (screams) (screams) - Where are you taking me? - Shut up. You're gettin' yours. (Sally sobs) lt's nothin' personal. It's just bad luck you vvere a vvitness. My vvhole life, I had bad luck. Me too. - Where are you from? - Brooklyn. Yeah? Me too. - Whereabouts? - Canarsie. - Me too! - Yeah? - 85th Street. - I vvas 86th Street. No kiddin'? You must knovv Joey's Clam House. I ate there all the time. This is a coincidence. I meet nobody from the old neighbourhood in years I finally do, and I gotta kill her. You vvere Freddie White's daughter, huh? I remember you vvhen you had little pigtails and braces on your teeth. You vvere the cutest little girl in the neighbourhood. Here you are. You need bullets too? - Here. - Grazie, mamma, grazie. Honey, you said you enjoyed the peppers. Yeah. They're delicious. Eat some more of these, because you said you enjoyed them very, very much. Thank you. - Where you gonna dump her body? - In Jersey, Mama. Four in the morning, you vvanna dump her body in Jersey? ! Dump her in Red Hook! Svveetheart, look, these shrimps are nice and fresh. I made them today. Listen, I ain't gonna squeal, honest! I can keep a secret. I knovv everything about everybody on Broadvvay! Really. Places I vvork, I got secrets on everybody. Think I go around talkin'? - But vvhat do you do? - She sings, Mama. - Oh, yeah? That's nice. - I can act too. I'd just do anything to get on radio. I'd be happy to give the vveather report, or intervievv people... I think I'm a natural. I'm a great dancer. - But you can't dance on radio. - I knovv. Cos they can't see you! Oh, Madonna mia! (speaks Italian) Wait. Come here, Rocco. I got to tell you something. You come over here vvith me. Viene, viene, Rocco. Listen to me. You don't have to vvorry about that girl. She's not too fast up here. She vvouldn't make no trouble. I feel sorry for her. She vvants to get into radio so badly. I think some men take advantage. She's so pretty. Listen to me. Then your cousin Angelo could help her. Yes, because he knovvs everybody on radio. He could get her any little part, because they ovve him this favour. All right, now they not only decide not to bump Sally off but they get a relative to ask an unrefusable favour on her behalf. I don't know if people were bribed or threatened but she suddenly found herself with a big acting part on a very serious dramatic radio show that was doing Chekhov. Now the payoff to the story. The country never got to hear her act. At the last minute fate stepped in. The Japanese have bombed Pearl Harbor. This morning a surprise attack vvas made, vvith enormous casualties to the US. We are pre-empting this shovv to bring you a special report and a statement from the president of the United States. Aren't vve gonna do the shovv? What do vve do, come back Monday? Who is Pearl Harbor? In one terrible moment, world events came between the public and Sally White. And suddenly the nation was at war. And lives changed. And Sally, like everyone else, found herself doing her bit. (applause) My friends and I, acting on advice from the radio G-man Biff Baxter collected scrap iron every day after school. Our local soda jerk, Rita, joined the WACs and looked good in uniform. And Mrs Riley had a victory garden in her flowerpots. On the radio, stories changed. Now the Japanese and Germans were the villains. (radio) OK, you Axis rats! I know you got submarines sneaking around our coast! - Ve have no submarines. - Yes, you do! U-boats and airplanes! But vve Americans are alvvays on the lookout, alvvays alert! Take that! (fight noises) OK, I think you've learned your lesson. One American vvith courage is vvorth 20 of you! Come along. Uncle Sam knovvs vvhat to do vvith Axis rats. My friends and I hung on Biff Baxter's every word. When he said to watch for enemy planes and submarines lurking off the coast our parents laughed. But we took it seriously. Remember, if vve see any German planes, I do have a number to call, OK? Oh, look at that. - Hey, look, there's one! - No, no, that's one of ours. I don't think the Germans can get over here so easy. They can! The Masked Avenger says they're vvorking on rockets! Hey, look, a Japanese bomber! - Let me see! - Get off. Hey, vvovv! Look in that vvindovv! - Let me see! Let me see! - What do you see? Jesus, vvhat legs! Hey, it's my turn! Oh, God, I can hardly breathe! Later that afternoon we all walked down to the water's edge. The talk had shifted away from Nazis to more important matters. - Boy, she vvas pretty. - She vvas nothin' special. She vvas all right. But my favourite is Rita Hayvvorth. - I like Betty Grable. - I like Dana Andrevvs. - You kidding? Dana Andrevvs is a man. - She is? - Didn't you ever see Crash Dive? - With a name like Dana? - Say, guys, vvanna look for planes? - I'm going home. I'll come vvith you. Let's go listen to the radio. I didn't care if the guys went home. I was in a funny mood that afternoon. I just stood there, looking out at the Atlantic. My mind was thinking about life, and women, and a million different things. And then suddenly I saw it. It was just like Biff Baxter described it. It came up and went under so mysteriously and silently that I couldn't believe my eyes. I never told anyone about it afterward because I doubted my own experience. Besides, I knew that no one would believe me. No one except... Biff Baxter. (Tess) What are you doin'? I'm outta nylons. But lots of girls paint them on novv. - Better hope it doesn't rain. - Oh, right. - Oh, I really think this could be the one. - I hope so. He's so good-looking, he's good-natured, he has his ovvn business... And his fiancée died last year, so he's obviously marriage-minded. Hovv come he's not in the army? He has flat feet. But that's his only dravvback. You really think you could love a man vvith fallen arches? I knovv, you think I'm too demanding. I do. You have these qualities you demand and vvhen you meet a nice man you disqualify him for the smallest fault. - That's not true. - So vvhat vvas vvrong vvith Nat Bernstein? He vvore vvhite socks vvith a tuxedo. That's not a good enough reason. Then vvhen you fall in love there's alvvays something vvrong vvith him. You knovv, they all seem fine. I don't knovv. You got this sixth sense for picking losers. Sometimes I vvonder, do you really vvanna get married? More than anything. Don't you think I vvanna have a child before it's too late? God, hovv I envy you. I just vvant it to be perfect. It's never perfect. If you vvait for perfect, you don't get pregnant you vvind up vvith your teeth in a glass of vvater. Easy for you to say. I compromised vvhen I picked Martin. I mean, I vvanted someone tall and handsome and rich... - Three out of three, I gave up. - I think you did right to compromise. Why? You don't think I could've done better than Martin? I knovv. You could've married Sam Slotkin. So vvhy didn't you? Oh, Sam Slotkin vvas a mortician. He alvvays smelled from formaldehyde. And don't think that Martin didn't compromise vvith me. He alvvays dreamed of being a business tycoon, having a beautiful blonde vvife... I tell him the day he becomes a tycoon I'll dye my hair. Well, at least you have each other. That's all I vvant, someone. So you have to lovver your standards a little. You knovv, marrying for love is a very recent idea. In the old country, they didn't marry for love. A man married a vvoman because he needed an extra mule. But you're the one that listens to all the romantic soap operas. Well, I like to daydream. But I have my tvvo feet firmly planted on my husband. First vve'll go to the movie, then eat, then maybe I'll ask him back here. Although I don't vvanna seem too forvvard. - Hey, you really like this guy, huh? - Oh, I like him so much. We'll say a prayer for you. And then maybe this time next year you'll look like me. You knovv vvhat I vvas thinkin', Tess? I could learn engraving, buy a machine. - Not another get-rich scheme! - I could make a fevv dollars engraving. Let me tell you the beauty part. When you engrave gold rings and lockets vvhat you cut out vvhen you make the letters falls on the table. It's gold dust. - Forget it. It'll be like all the other ideas. - Gold dust, and the engraver ovvns it! Hold my vvool. - If it's a girl, vve could name it Lola. - Lola? You vvant her to be a stripper? - And if it's a boy, Lionel? - No son of mine vvill be named Lionel. - I vvant an L name, after my Uncle Louie. - Your Uncle Louie. Hovv about "louse"? (radio) The news is not good tonight. Reports are that Nazi tank divisions are pushing American infantrymen back in furious armoured warfare. Meanwhile, Japanese have taken control of two more islands in the Philippines and are advancing on American... (changes station) ...John Jenkins broadcasting from London. The bombs are falling even as we speak. (changes station) The morale of the boys is good here at Guadalcanal, despite heavy losses. What do you think, Martin? You think Hitler's gonna vvin? (Martin) I vvonder about the vvisdom of bringing nevv life into the vvorld. - (knock at door) - (warden) Come on, lights out. Blackout. Oh, God, another air-raid drill! Betvveen the Nazis and the Communists, give me those reds! (Ceil) Stick to your fish. What do they vvant, those Nazis? To slaughter everyone on the planet? The Nazis, the Communists... The vvorld vvould be better off vvithout any of 'em. You knovv vvhat WC Fields said? To settle a vvar, the leaders involved should meet in a stadium and fight it out vvith socks filled vvith horse manure. (warden) Hey, put that light out. (Tess) Wake him up to see the searchlights. No, no. Let him sleep. He's got school. (Tess) lt's so beautiful. What a vvorld. It could be so vvonderful if it vvasn't for certain people. Later that night I vvas awakened. By the sound of our radio in the kitchen. (soft music) - I had a very nice time. - Yes, it vvas vvonderful. It vvas such a clear night out. You could see all the stars. - I think I should be going. - Oh, don't go. It's not late. I have to drive back to the Bronx. Fred... you must knovv I have a little crush on you. Please, Bea. What is it? What's vvrong? Nothing. It's just that I... I... What's vvrong? ls it still your fiancée? It's been such a long period of grief. It's not fair to you. I knovv. I knovv. It's just that every time I hear that song on the radio my memory goes back to Leonard. That vvas our song. Leonard? My beloved. You never said your fiancé's name vvas Leonard. Hovv could I? I see. Well... just calm yourself. Would you like a drink? No. Just relax. It's a nice song. You guys, shut up! The principal's coming! Sit dovvn! Good morning, class. I'd like you to knovv that your regular teacher Mrs Nash is ill today and you vvill have a substitute teacher. Novv, novv. Children, children, please, be quiet. No noise. I vvant you to be very good today. I vvant you to be on your very best behaviour. Miss Gordon, vvould you please come in? They're all yours. OK, class, vve're going to begin today... Well, first let me tell you vvhat my name is. I'm Miss Gordon. Oh, God, vve're all goin' straight to hell. I conclude the Miss Gordon episode with just one observation. For some miraculous reason, it's a wonderful feeling having a teacher you've seen dance naked in front of a mirror. But that's how it happened. I want to take a minute to tell you how Sally wound up. Because it's one of the radio legends of the time. No, no, more feeling! It has no inner life. We need the name of the product to be enunciated a little more clearly. I'll deal vvith the performers. (man) Cut the phrase "X marks the spot". People vvill be reminded of Ex-Lax. - You're being too touchy. - Why take the chance? - Let's run it again, Sally. - Three, four... Well, vvhat... What should I be thinking inside? - Think laxative. - Think soothing relief. Please, I'll give her her motivation. Laxative, darling. You crave one. - Try again. - Three, four... It's not the commercial. It's the girl. She has no flair for it. - She's the best to audition. - What do you think, Mr Monroe? I think she's correct to represent my laxative. She's fresh, her voice is natural, and she does it simply. - Definitely. - What do you think, Doris? - I don't like her. - Get rid of her. Sally hung around Broadway and tried to break into broadcasting. But the only roles she ever seemed to get were in the bedroom. Then one day, as she'd later tell her biographer the voice of God told her to take diction lessons, and her whole life changed. Hark. I hear the cannons roar. Is it the king approaching? (English accent) Hark, I hear the cannons roar. Is it the king approaching? (Middle Eastern accent) Hark, I hear the cannons roar. Is it the king approaching? Hark, I heat the cannons roar. Is it the king approaching? No, no, no. The cannons roar. The cannons roar. The cannons roar. Hark, I hear the cannons roar. Is it the king approaching? Sally practised faithfully every day for many months. Her natural speech was a great obstacle to get over. Yet through diligence and perseverance plus a special, intimate knowledge of many Broadway personalities it was only a question of time before she emerged a full-blown star. Ahh... And novv, the makers of Lady Lydia Facial Cream bring you Sally White and her Gay White Way. (clipped accent) Good evening, and cheers to you all out there. My first exclusive. Clark Gable vvas in tovvn this vveek, in uniform. And vvhere did he go? To El Morocco, naturally. That brunette on his arm vvas Lolly Hayes, an up-and-coming starlet. Hope you had fun, Clark. And didn't Rita Hayworth look stunning last night at the Copacabana? Oh, Abe, hovv come you never take me to the Copacabana or El Morocco? - Take the gas pipe. - You'd be happier vvith Rita Hayvvorth? You gotta ask? Those shovv-business celebrities get divorced every six vveeks. - But vve're together for ever. - I may take the gas pipe. Just once I'd like to eat at the Stork Club. They don't take Jevvs in the Stork Club. No Jevvs, no coloured. Abe, this is the United States of America. Yeah? Try taking Minnie's maid Cleopatra to the Stork Club - you'd get kerb service. (reception breaks up) - Don't hit it, Abe. You'll break it. - I knovv vvhat I'm doing! Naturally, he did break it. He sent it out to be repaired, and a week later I was sent to pick it up. My parents told me that, since it was so heavy, I could take it home by taxi. But I had a brilliant plan. I figured if I carried it, I could keep the cab fare. The first half mile was barely manageable. Pretty soon I realised I'd have to give in and that I was not gonna save any money. Thanks. You? ! I'm helpin' out a friend, you knovv. Come on, get in. That's how I found out what my father did for a living. For some strange reason, he was ashamed of it. Even then he didn't admit it. It didn't bother me one bit though. I loved him. In fact, I gave him the biggest tip he got all day. Jimson's Coffee is having a slogan contest. You vvrite it in to their radio shovv and vvin a refrigerator. - Fraud! - What's a good slogan? Wait, I got one. Hovv about "A coffee vvith oomph"? - That's terrible. - Oh, yeah? What's your idea, big shot? "Good to the last drop"? - That's Maxvvell House. Come on. - I knevv I'd heard it. "lt vvon't keep you avvake, it vvill keep you happy." - That's not bad. - It's catchy, right? - Hoo! Hoo! - What? What? This is it! Hey, Ceil! All right, easy, easy, easy. Novv put your arm around me. Put your arm around me. Nice and easy. Ceil, this is it. This is it. - I'm so excited! A baby! I can't vvait! - I vvant a girl. You should get a girl. Abe, isn't this vvonderful? You vvant another baby? (Martin) Slovv. Slovv. Slovv. - You got the bag? - (Ceil) The suitcase is in the closet. There you go, honey. You did a good job. - You did a good job too, Martin. - I did a great job. - Tess, you haven't met Sy yet. - Pleased to meet you, Sy. My pleasure. Congratulations. Oh, and this is my brother-in-lavv Abe. And Ceil. We better be going. We're taking your son into Manhattan. Oh, great. That'll be fun. Sy has a nevv car, and vve'll do some driving... - Don't lose him, huh? - We'll take good care of him. I'll be good, don't vvorry. Have a good time. That's nice, Bea. Thanks a lot. Don't give 'em any trouble, all right? - Bye, novv. - Bye. - He's nice. Nice-lookin'. - He's not bad. I like him. Why is she vvasting her time vvith him? He's married. - Really? - He's supposed to be getting out of it but you knovv hovv tight some vvomen hold on. - Tell me about it! - Well, I hope she knovvs vvhat she's doin'. Martin, are you sure you vvanna call the baby Ellen? Sure, vvhy not? In memory of your cousin Eddie. - In memory? He's not dead yet. - He should be. (musical interlude) Aunt Bea and her boyfriend gave me one of the best days I ever had. They took me to my first radio show. And if that wasn't thrill enough, Aunt Bea was chosen as a contestant. - You're from Rockavvay, huh? - Yes. - And vvhat do you do, Bea? - I'm a book-keeper. Oh. For a minute I thought you said "beekeeper". I'd hate to get stung. Novv, you chose as your topic "fish". Hovv'd you get to knovv about fish? Well, my brother-in-lavv brings home fish from Sheepshead Bay all the time and after a vvhile you get to identify them. Ah, that's great. I get it. Well, can you tell me vvhat this is? Aunt Bea had no trouble. Years of living with Uncle Abe had turned us all into ichthyologists. And finally, hovv about this one? That's a... a flounder. No, no, no. That's a fluke. - You're sure? - That's a fluke. Well, this is no fluke! You've vvon 50 silver dollars! (band plays fanfare) Boy, a chemistry set! I can't believe it! I've alvvays vvanted one of these! I can't vvait to get home and open this! This is fantastic! Bea? It vvas a lovely afternoon. A lovely afternoon. Gosh, I almost forgot vvhat a fluke looked like. Good thing I remembered. This time next vveek vve vvon't have anything hanging over our heads. I'll be free of all my obligations. - Are you sure, Sy? - I've only stayed because of the children. I'm telling you, Bea. Mark my vvords. This time next vveek I'll be a free man. And the most expensive one in the store, too! I can't believe this! So vvhat are vve gonna do vvith the rest of the money? What Aunt Bea did with the rest of the money was treat us all to a Broadway dance palace. She and Sy seemed very much in love, and she seemed happy. But it was not to be. Because after a week, Sy did not leave his wife and children. Nor did he after two weeks, nor ever. And as the year came to a close Aunt Bea would soon be back to her old dreams of finding a true love. Still, on this night no one had any thoughts except what a wonderful time we were all having. (Tess) Ohh! Oh, my God! Did you do this? I'll kill you! When I catch you, I'll kill you! Come here! Don't you run avvay from me! - What happened? - Look vvhat he did to my good coat! - What? - He made purple dye and dyed it purple! That's the coat I gave you for our anniversary? ! - You don't hit him! I'll hit him! - I can hit him! You're too easy vvith him. I'll hit him! Abe? Have you seen Mama's teeth? She left 'em in a glass of vvater and she can't find them. The kids vvere playing' hockey vvith 'em. - Playing hockey vvith Mama's teeth? ! - They're about the same size as a puck. (conga) Oh, listen! Listen, that's the conga! My teacher said you could meet very interesting men in a conga line. Come on, Ruthie! Come on, Ceil! (Ruthie) I can do this! One, tvvo, three, conga! One, tvvo, three, conga! (Martin) Come here! You're making it vvorse on yourself! Come here! - (Ceil) You can meet men doing this? - That's vvhat she said. You're gonna pay for it this time! (radio) We interrupt this programme with a special bulletin. Emergency workers outside Stroudsberg, Pennsylvania are working to remove an eight-year-old girl who has fallen down a well. Polly Phelps fell down the well while playing with friends and has been lodged at the bottom since twelve noon. Reports will be coming to you live on the spot where this tense drama is unfolding. We don't know if the girl is still living although authorities are predicting they will rescue the child within moments. It's been seven hours, and still vvorkers have not been able to contact or free eight-year-old Polly Phelps. (shouting) Can you hear me? Polly? Can you hear anything? (confused shouting continues) Meanvvhile, members of the press are here in abundance. This field is illuminated by the eerie incandescence of searchlights and flashbulbs. The anxious parents, Mr and Mrs Phelps, stand by vvaiting hoping for some word, some sign. We'll continue to broadcast live and bring you details as they unfold. I'm sure all Americans listening to their radios everywhere are praying for Polly Phelps and the Phelps family. (shouting) Please, God, don't let her die! Oh, God... The fire department and local emergency squads have been on the job for many hours. The difficulty seems to be that the well is quite narrow, and the surrounding... No, wait... Wait... It looks like he has something. He's tugging the rope. They're raising the rope very, very slovvly. They seem to be close to a rescue. Police have her. Stand by. We're coming to you live. Don? Don, is... Don? Oh, God, this is terrible, ladies and gentlemen. The child... is not alive. Polly Phelps is dead. After all the efforts and prayers, the little girl is dead. This is tragic... just tragic. We are going to end our broadcast, ladies and gentlemen. I know that all America shares the grief of the Phelps family. This has been a sudden, unexpected human tragedy. (dance music) Good evening, and happy Nevv Year. We're broadcasting live from the King Cole Room vvhere everyone is here to vvelcome in 1944. I used to vvork in this place. Novv I'm here vvith, of all people, the Masked Avenger! Bevvare, evildoers, vvherever you are! - Novv vvhere are they? Do you see them? - They're there. Hello, everybody! Listen to that. Doesn't it sound vvonderful at that nightclub? - Yeah. Why aren't vve there, Abe? - Cos vve're here. Don't you vvanna hit the hot spots and drink champagne from my slipper? I can't take that much liquid. Besides, only creeps and crazy people go out on Nevv Year's Eve. Then you should definitely go out. There are those vvho drink champagne at clubs and us, vvho listen to them drink champagne. I heard Breakfast with Irene and Roger this morning. They said they vvere going to the King Cole Room tonight. Roger and Irene are rich and famous. They have a radio shovv. They vvear fancy clothes, they hobnob vvith their celebrity friends they go to all the nightclubs. - What, you think they're happier than us? - Hovv long do I have to ansvver that? What, no date tonight? Well, it's OK. We're all together. Thank you. Thank you. - To a vvonderful year. - Lucky Strike, please. Thank you. Keep the change. You knovv, it's not even midnight and I'm drunk. (old voice) Anyone ever seen the roof of this place? (posh voice) lt has the most marvellous vievv of the city. - Hovv do you knovv the roof? - I vvent up once vvhen I vvorked here. The circumstances vvere quite different. Why don't vve go up there and see it? Would you like to? Come vvith me. Come on. What fun! Oh, it's freezing up here. It's just amazing. Amazing, but it's freezing up here! What a crazy idea! - What vvere you doing up here anyvvay? - Oh, it's a long story. Oh, look at the sky. It's gotten so overcast. And all the lights. What a city this is! Another year is passing. I hope 1944 turns out vvell. They pass so quickly. Where do they all go? So quickly. And then vve get old. And vve never knevv vvhat any of it vvas about. That's right. I vvonder if future generations vvill ever even hear about us. It's not likely. After enough time... everything passes. I don't care hovv big vve are, or hovv important in their lives. Six, five, four three, tvvo, one! Happy Nevv Year! (band plays "Auld Lang Syne") Martin, I'm a little scared for the future. What are you scared about? Don't vvorry so much, OK? - Happy Nevv Year! - Happy Nevv Year, Bea. - Happy Nevv Year, everybody. - Happy Nevv Year. - What is he doin' up? - I vvoke him so he vvouldn't forget 1944. Happy Nevv Year! God, I vvish this vvar vvas over! There are no single men around! - Happy Nevv Year! - Happy Nevv Year. This year you'll find your true love. I have a feeling in my bones. Yes, you vvill. Oh, you knovv vvhat vve should start the Nevv Year vvith? A little red snapper! Hey, happy Nevv Year, everybody. Happy Nevv Year, Martin. Happy Nevv Year, Tess. Hey, Pop, happy Nevv Year. (celebratory car horns below) Hey, it's startin' to snovv. Let's go dovvnstairs. Bevvare, evildoers, vvherever you are! I never forgot that New Year's Eve when Aunt Bea awakened me to watch 1944 come in. And I've never forgotten any of those people or any of the voices we used to hear on the radio. Although the truth is, with the passing of each New Year's Eve those voices do seem to grow dimmer and dimmer. Visiontext Subtitles: Michael Callaghan Once upon a time, many years ago,... ..two burglars broke into our neighbours' house in Rockaway. Mr and Mrs Needleman had gone to a movie. The following events occurred. - You think we should answer the phone? - Are you crazy? You wanna wake up the whole neighbourhood? Hello? You, Mr Marty Needleman, have been chosen from the telephone book to... ..guess that tune! Jesus. Can you tell us what is the tune the orchestra is playing? I can't hear it. Find the radio and turn it on! - What's goin' on? - Shh. I can't hear. - What are you doin'? - I think I know it. Jesus! # Dancing in the dark... - "Dancing in the Dark". - That's right! And now for question two on the way to the grand jackpot. Here's the tune. # Are you all mine... No, no... # Chi... Chinatown... - "Chinatown, My Chinatown". - That's correct! And now the chance for the grand jackpot with all the prizes! This one is not so easy, so get ready. - It sounds familiar. I don't... - I know that one. I know it from my father. - What? - "The Sailor's Hornpipe". "The Sailor's Hornpipe"? That's right! Mr Marty Needleman, you've won the grand jackpot! I'm rich! Ah-ha-ha-ha! We won! The Needlemans returned home and were shocked to find a ransacked apartment... ..with $50 and silverware missing. But the following morning a truck arrived. # Let's all sing like the birdies sing # Tweet, tweet-tweet, tweet-tweet... Now I love old radio stories, and I know a million of 'em. I've collected 'em down the years, like a hobby. Anecdotes and gossip, and inside stories about the stars. I recall so many personal experiences from when I grew up... ..and listened to one show after another. This girl singing used to be a favourite at my house - one of many. Now it's all gone. Except for the memories. The scene is Rockaway. The time is my childhood. It's my old neighbourhood, and forgive me if I tend to romanticise the past. I mean, it wasn't always as stormy and rain-swept as this. But I remember it that way because that was it at its most beautiful. In those days the radio was constantly playing at our house. My mother, for instance, never missed her favourite show,... .. "Breakfast with Irene and Roger". Good morning, darling. Pass the orange juice. There you go. Quite an opening night we attended last night, wasn't it? Yes, wasn't it divine? Everyone was there, from Rodgers and Hart to Cole Porter. Two completely different worlds. While my mother stood over the dirty plates,... ..Irene and Roger ate an elegant breakfast in their chic Manhattan town house... ..while they chatted charmingly about people and places we only dreamt of. Tomorrow morning we'll tell you all about it,... ..and also about the new Moss Hart play, which I hear is just divine. - This is Irene Draper... - ..and Roger Daly, saying... ..have us for breakfast tomorrow and every morning... ..and have a wonderful day. My own personal favourite show was called "The Masked Avenger",... ..who I fantasised was a cross between Superman and Cary Grant. Little did I know. - It's the Masked Avenger! - It's off to jail for you. I hope you'll enjoy making licence plates. I'd like to tell you about the Masked Avenger secret-compartment ring,... ..and how it turned me to crime. But first you have to meet me. And my family. There I am in my Masked Avenger hat and goggles,... ..which I got off my friend in a trade. Then there were my father and mother,... ..two people who could find an argument in any subject. Wait, you think the Atlantic is a greater ocean than the Pacific? ! No. Have it your way. The Pacific is greater. I mean, how many people fight over oceans? Then there was my Uncle Abe. He got fish from his friends at Sheepshead Bay. Ceil, I'm home! Ceil, I got fish. I got great fish today. - What do we need more fish for? - And my Aunt Ceil,... ..who dreamed of a more exciting life than having to fillet his flounder. - They're fresh fish! - He has friends at Oscar's Dock,... ..so he can't spend one day there where they don't load him up with fish! You don't like it, take the gas pipe! Next there was Grandpa and Grandma. Every morning he spent a half hour packing her into her corset. I'm pulling, I'm pulling! A woman in her seventies, and her bosom is still growing! Abe and Ceil's daughter was Cousin Ruthie,... ..who entertained herself by listening to the neighbours on the party line. - Mrs Waldbaum's having her ovaries out! - Both, or one? Get off the line, OK? Stop listening in on my phone! Stop snooping on us! All right, all right! Don't get your bowels in an uproar! Nobody's snooping. Oh, yeah? My wife hears her breathing. And she giggles! Hey, Waldbaum! You think we care what goes on in your house? Let them take her ovaries out! What's it our business? Mrs Waldbaum had a steel plate in her head. It was said she couldn't walk near magnets. Finally, there was Aunt Bea, who only wanted to get married. This is a lindy. My dancing teacher gave me this great new step for it. Hey, Tess? Tess, I can't decide if I should take my vacation... ..on a cruise or go to the mountains. I mean, the men are richer on a cruise, but there's more of them in the resorts. Well, I met my husband at a mountain resort, so I advise you to go on a cruise. That's very funny. Can we get back to my idea? We buy cultured pearls. We box 'em here in velvet, and we sell them mail order. You were in jewellery. It didn't work. We got stuck with the rhinestone earrings. You don't have a business head. We got stuck with mail-order parts,... ..you tried seeds, then you lost money selling greeting cards... We have 6,000 "Get Well" cards in the closet! There aren't 6,000 sick people in America! Forget it. I'll spend the rest of my life at the job I do. - What do you do, Dad? - None of your business. - All my friends know what their dads do. - Don't you have homework? - Got 15 cents for a Masked Avenger ring? - What am I, made of money? Pay attention to your school work, not the radio! - You always listen to the radio. - It's different. Our lives are ruined already. You still have a chance to be somebody. - Think I want you doin' the job I do? - I don't know what your job is. - You gotta get an education. - While I'm getting it, can I get the ring? We don't have money to waste. You think we all like living together? We'd like to save up, maybe have another child. Your father works like a horse supporting everybody... - At what? - He's a big butter-and-egg man. What do you mean, our lives are ruined? I didn't mean ruined ruined. We're poor but happy. But definitely poor. Isn't this a beautiful sea bass? Who wants to join me, hm? By now you've probably guessed that the Masked Avenger ring meant a lot to me. Well, it did. Because they were gold and mysterious, and they fit any finger. The box top I already had, but the 15 cents was hard to come by in those days. I tried not thinking about it, but it was very hard to keep off my mind. ..and the masts and the sail. You even have to work with the tweezers to get some of the small stuff in. - I'll pass it around. - That was lovely, Evelyn. Arnold, why don't you show the class what you have? Stand right over there. - I found this on my parents' night table. - That will be enough! Sit down! Put that thing in your pocket and sit down! Ross, you have something suitable to show the class, don't you? Very good. Stand right here. This is my Masked Avenger secret-compartment ring. It's very special to me... Now, basically I was an honest kid. But there are some things in life that are just too compelling. That afternoon at Hebrew school, a scheme occurred to me. Next week, we are going to issue collection boxes. And each of you will be asked to go out in the street... ..and collect funds for the promotion of a new state in Palestine. Can you give to the Jewish National Fund to help us build a homeland in Palestine? How about you? Can you give to the Jewish National Fund? Can you... No? Hey, can you... Excuse me, can you... Give it to me. Please. Thank you. Guys, we got enough to get the Masked Avenger rings and an ice cream soda. - We gotta leave some for Palestine. - Why? It's all the way over in Egypt. - It's a sin. What if the rabbi catches us? - He won't. Besides, I can handle him. - You sure? - Positive. Dimes! I got four dimes! Monies for a Jewish homeland used to buy this Masked Avenger ring? ! My heart is full of grief. It swells with anguish! - He'll pay back every cent. - Yep. Shut up. I don't know what to do, Rabbi. Every night he listens to the radio. I say "Go to the beach, play in the sun, get some fresh air." Sister! This is where it began. This wing's been closed for years. What was this place? Purgatory...fashioned by the hands of men. Twisted, lonely souls. The worst of the criminally insane... were locked up in here like animals. This whole facility was shut down in the forties. Some sort of scandal? A young girl on the staff... was accidentally locked in here over the holidays. The inmates kept her hidden for days. She was raped... hundreds of times. When they found her, she was barely alive... and with child. That girl was Amanda Krueger. Her child-- The bastard son of a hundred maniacs. Some say he was murdered... though no body was ever found. You said something before about laying him to rest. You must find the remains... and bury him in hallowed ground. Hallowed ground? Sister? If your only faith is science, Doctor... it may be you that's laid to rest. Wait! Sister! Let go of him, you bastard. Oh, my God. I've got to go in. We have no choice. Getting yourself killed won't help the kids at all. Besides, we do have a choice. Assuming your mysterious nun is right. I've heard weirder things this week. All right. Whoever she is... she seems to know more about Krueger than I do. The question is, what happened to his body? They burned him to death in his boiler room... and they hid the remains. Who would know where they're hidden? Only one man knows... and it's time for him to talk. You can't take Nancy away from us! She's all we have! You're a sick girl, Kristen. If you want to get better, you must trust me now. Take her to the quiet room and sedate her. You stupid bitch! You're killing us! All right, everybody. Back to bed. Hi, Daddy. Well, if it isn't my little girl. My baby come to see her daddy? It's been a long time. But you're here. Sit down. What did I do to get so lucky? I thought that you were trying to forget me. That's not true. You're the one trying to forget. I need your help, Dad. Krueger's back. Fred Krueger is dead. You always had a little trouble trying to understand that. You know what he did. He's doing it again. She's telling you the truth. I don't believe we've met... and this isn't any of your goddamn business. We can stop him this time-- stop him for good... but we need to know where his bones were hidden. I've lost too much over this already. I'm through with it. People are still dying after all this time. Stop running away from it. You owe me. It was nice seeing you again, princess. Next time, don't... don't stay away so long. I'll be OK. Just give me a minute. It's the hospital. -Dr. Gordon? -Taryn. You've got to come right away. Kristen had a total shit attack. Simms doped her up and put her in the quiet room. Simms put Kristen in the quiet room for the night. -They sedated her. -Oh, no. She can't stay awake for long. She's all alone. Freddy's going to get her. Just stay cool. Help is on the way. Just hurry! I got to get there. -You go. I'll get the remains. -lt's no use. I'll talk to him. Make Simms understand. She'll never understand. I got to get to Kristen. Be careful. My name is Neil Gordon. Pleased to meet you. There, now we've met! Now listen to me! Maybe you don't care whether Nancy lives or dies, but I do! You and I are going on a little scavenger hunt. Please, God... don't make me sleep. What the hell are we doing here? I won't be long. What do you think you're doing? Look, I'm sorry. I really need this. I got... I'll reimburse you. You keep my driver's license. I'll be back. Max, I need to see Kristen. -You don't understand. -Save your breath. Dr. Simms gave me specific instructions. No one sees Kristen, especially you. But, Max, she needs me. She's in danger. You got to believe me! I really think you mean well, but my kids been dying off... and even without Simms' orders, I wouldn't let you near her. OK, Max. I understand. Can I say good-bye to the others? I don't know. It'll be my last chance. Five minutes. They're in the TV room. Where have you been? There's no time. Come on. -Where? -Our last group. In there. We knew nobody would ever find it in that place. I'm not sure I can find it myself anymore. It's deep in the heart of the place. Take it slow. Straight talk only in here. What about Kristen? We can't get to her. I tried. I was hoping we'd have more time to learn to use the dreams... but Joey's in there. Kristen's going in, too. They need us. We're trying to go in, to link up? It's now or never. I'm not going to kid you. This is dangerous. If you die in this dream, it's for real. Nobody has to go in that doesn't want to. I'm in. Me, too. Let's go kick the motherfucker's ass all over dreamland. Remember, you have to stay together whatever happens. That's the only way we can beat him. All right. Clear your mind of everything. Picture yourself in the quiet room... the soft, white walls... the total silence... only the sound of your heart beating. Picture yourself there with Kristen. I'm going to count backwards from five... and when I'm done, we'll all be asleep. We'll all be in the quiet room. Five... four... three... two... one. I knew you'd come. We wouldn't let you go in alone. No way. We're a team ! Listen, everybody. Joey needs us. I can feel him. Where is he? How do we find him? Stay in the middle of the room ! Whatever happens, stay together! You'll wake up the whole neighborhood. Why are you still up? It's past 1:00. I just thought I'd wait for you. Well, I'm home. You can get to sleep now. Come on. Andale. What's that for? I'm just glad you're home. Mom, I had the most awful dream. Elaine, where do you keep the bourbon? I'll be right down. Kris, I've got a guest. I just don't want to be alone. I said where's the fucking bourbon? You should listen to your mother! God damn it, Kristen, you ruin everything! Every time I bring a man home, you spoil it! You know what your shrink says? You just want attention! is that you? Welcome home, Taryn. Look familiar? OK, asshole, let's dance! Why should we fight? We're old friends, you and I. Remember? Let's get high. What a rush. You guys? Where are you? is somebody there? You look tired. Have a seat. No, thanks. I'm fine just the way I am. For now, maybe. But when you wake up... it's back... in the saddle... again. My leg! It's the chair for you, kid! I am the Wizard Master. I am the Wizard Master! In the name of Lowrek, Prince of Elves, demon begone! Sorry, kid. I don't believe in fairy tales. Somebody? What is that? I don't know. Yo. I thought I heard voices. Kincaid, I could kiss you. What's stopping you? Cool. So where's Joey? I don't know. This place is a maze. It's time to stop guessin' and start messin'. Yo, Freddy, where you hiding, you burnt-face pussy! We should find the others first. You think you're hot shit, don't you? Come get a piece of me! Krueger, pussy! I knew he was a little chicken. Shit. -lt's a door. -But it doesn't go anywhere. Yes, it does. This is it. Are you ready? Let's snuff the sucker. That's it. The Caddy. Going somewhere? I said I'd show you where the goddamn thing was. I never said I'd stick around. -We've got work to do. -What are you talking about? You're about to attend a funeral-- one that's long overdue. Joey, look. All the little piggies come home. Let him go, Krueger! Your wish is my command. He's never been this strong. The souls of children... give me strength. Always room for more. -What's that? -What? Listen. Somebody else is out here. We're alone. Bury the fucking thing! It's really you. I killed you once before, you son of a bitch. Let's try this way. Kristen, can you pull us out? They sedated me. We're stuck here. It's a dead end. What the hell? Sorry to keep you waiting. Perhaps if there was more of me to spread around. Wow. Did I say that? You found your dream power. You saved us, Joey. -You blew him away! -Put me down. Are you OK? I think so. He's gone. It's over. Daddy? I've crossed over, princess. Crossed over? I couldn't go without telling you how sorry I am... for all the things I've done. I love you so much. I'll always love you. I'll always love you. Die. You're mine now, little piggy. Please, God, for the children. For Nancy. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Lay this spirit to rest. I won't let you die. I won't let you. I'm going to dream you into a beautiful dream... forever and ever. 'Trust in Him at all times. 'Pour out your hearts to Him... 'for God is our refuge. 'Hear my cry, O God. 'Listen to my prayer. 'From the ends of the earth, I call to you. 'l call as my heart grows faint. 'Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 'For You have been my refuge... 'a strong tower against the foe. "l long to dwell in the tent forever... 'and take refuge in the shelter of Your wings." Even though we entrust Nancy to the earth... her courage and spirit shall remain with us... for the Lord God has comforted us... saying, "That whoever finds his life will lose it... 'and whoever loses his life for my sake, will find it. "They shall live forever in the glory of His kingdom. 'May the Lord bless you and keep you. "The Lord make his face to shine down upon you... 'and be gracious to you. "The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace." Oh, my God. You were his mother. [TICKING] [DOKKEN'S "INTO THE FIRE" PLAYING LOUDLY] I know it's wrong But I can't turn away The flames draw near They're telling me to stay into the fire I'm falling into the fire I'm falling into the fire Are you crazy? You'll wake up the whole neighborhood. [MUSIC STOPS] -Hi, Mom. -Don't "Hi, Mom," me. What are you still doing up? It's past 1 . Just thought I'd wait for you. Well, I'm home. Now you can get to sleep. Come on, ándale. Mom, I'm really not tired. Kristen, don't start with me. You know what your shrink said. He's full of it. I'm not gonna let you get me into an argument, not tonight. Now get to sleep. Mom I'm still having those awful dreams. MAN: Elaine, where do you keep the bourbon? Uh, I'll be right down. -Honey, I've got a guest. -And you don't wanna keep him waiting. That's right, I don't. -Good night. -Good night. GIRLS: One, two Freddy's coming for you Three, four Better lock your door [BIKE BELL RINGING] Five, six Grab your crucifix Seven, eight Gonna stay up late Nine, ten Never sleep again One, two Freddy's coming for you Three, four Better lock your door Five, six Grab your crucifix Seven, eight Gonna stay up late Nine, ten Hi, what's your name? Kristen. What's yours? [GIGGLES] What is this place? [scraping] I gotta go now. Wait, little girl, don't go in there! Little girl! Little girl? [BIKE BELL RINGING] This is where he takes us. Come on, we're going. [DOOR SLAMS THEN KRISTEN GASPS] [SCREAMS] Freddy's home. [yelling] [FREDDY GROWLS] [SCREAMING] GIRL: Put me down, you're hurting me. [SCREAMING] [YELLS] [KRISTEN SCREAMS AND FREDDY LAUGHS] Kristen! Mom? [GROANS] REPORTER [ON RADIO]: ln local news two more teenage deaths have occurred. Both suicides. County health officials are at a loss to explain this alarming trend. Nothing like a little cheery news to start the day, huh? Yeah. Say, listen, doc. I got a new theory about all these suicides, right? Don't hold back on us, Max, we need all the help we can get. Yeah, well, it's fucked up chromosomes, man. Think about it, all their parents dropped acid during the '60s. It beats Simms' theory. She thinks it's nothing but sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. -Shit, that's what keeps people alive. -Heh. Hi, Taryn. You don't look so hot, kid. Are you getting some sleep? -I didn't think so. -Good morning, Dr. Gordon. Good morning, Jennifer. How are the burns? -Regular, menthol, ultra-light. -They're healing up nicely? Yeah, I've been good. So, um, when do I get my cigarette privileges back? Don't hold your breath. -Phillip. -Hey, doc. -How is he? -He's cooling down. If he continues having these outbursts, I'll have to have him isolated permanently. Aw, don't worry, it won't come to that. I, uh- - I read the report on the new staff member. Oh, what did you think? Frankly, I don't understand why some grad-school superstar is being treated like a seasoned pro. She's been doing groundbreaking research on pattern nightmares. Elizabeth, we don't need any outside help. I know these kids. I don't want some hotshot taking chances with them just so she can get published. MAN [ON INTERCOM]: Dr. Gordon, Dr. Simms to Examination, stat. Dr. Gordon, Dr. Simms to Examination, stat. [KRISTEN SCREAMING] This is ridiculous. I know my own daughter. She's trying to get attention, that's all. And I'm not gonna play her games with her. Suicide attempt from County General. -What's her name? -Kristen Parker. She was fine until we tried to sedate her. [CONTINUES SCREAMING] Watch it, she tore her stitches out. Kristen, we wanna help you. -Hold her, hold her. KRISTEN: Aah! No, no, no. I'm Dr. Gordon. I'm not gonna hurt you, I wanna help you. -Why don't you--? -No! SIMMS: Be careful, Max. Back off, Max. Kristen, put the scalpel down. Nobody is gonna hurt you. Five, six Grab your crucifix Seven, eight Better stay up late Nine, ten Never, never-- Never sleep again. Where did you learn that rhyme? Tell me about the kids. Well, they're survivors in a way. They're all severely sleep disordered. Insomnia, narcolepsy, bed-wetting. -But the nightmares are the common thread. -Right. They seem to share a group delusion, a bogeyman, for lack of a better word. They're so traumatized, they'll do almost anything not to sleep. Anything? We lost a kid about a month ago to Fairview. I don't know where he got the razors, but he cut off his eyelids to stay awake. -Oh, God. NEIL: Shook the kids up pretty badly. Oh, by the way, that was really great work with the new patient. Pretty smooth for an intern. I have had some experience with pattern nightmares. -I've got to get going. -Okay, well.... Let me help you with that. -Thanks. -You're welcome. Now, uh, be sure that you check in with Max and he'll give you the whole 25-cent tour and everything. -All right, I'll see you later. -All right. Oh, um, Miss Thompson? -You can call me Nancy. -All right. You call me Neil, all right? What was that nursery rhyme all about? That was just something that the kids say to keep the bogeyman away. Anyway, that's group therapy. This whole wing is devoted to the program. Um.... I guess, yeah, you can use this office for the time being, okay? -This will be fine. -All right, great. Because I'll have you set up in your own space by the end of the week. Um, the patients' rooms are down this way. This is Phillip. We call him "The Walker." -Why is that? -Because I sleepwalk. Perfectly normal event that our illustrious staff loves to theorize about endlessly. Phillip, this is Nancy. Hi, welcome to the snake pit. Heh. Thanks. Nice work. They really ought to be carved out of wood, but they won't let me have a knife. I might, you know, pfft! Um, this lump over here, this is Kincaid. Now, I want you to take a good look. He gets thrown in the quiet room so often, you probably won't see a lot of him. Ain't that right, cool breeze? Right, I do it so I don't have to look at your ugly face all the time. Yeah, I love you too. Nice meeting you. Yeah, they're really good kids but, uh, don't let them fool you. They're dangerous, to themselves and to each other. Hi, Joey. Why, thank you. -Hey, Marcie, how you doing? -Great. -These going to C Ward? -Yeah. Come on, I'll walk you down. See you later, Joey. Mrs. Parker, was Kristen acting any different? Did you notice anything strange before she made the attempt? Kristen specializes in strangeness. I've spent thousands on psychiatrists. Did she always have nightmares? No, they've gotten worse since I took away her credit cards. I'm serious. Miss Thompson, I don't know what you want from me. Just some answers. There are other kids involved, not just Kristen. All good kids, smart kids. Look, I'm sorry to hear that but you're the experts on this, not me. If I had any insight into any of this, I would share them with you, believe me. I'm sure you would. If you'll excuse me, I have to get downtown. I'll need to get her things. I have them packed in a suitcase. Theresa! I'll get them, please, I don't mind. It's the first door at the top of the stairs. [METAL SQUEAKING] [BIKE BELL RINGING] [SCREAMING] [FLIES BUZZING] [SNARLS THEN KRISTEN SCREAMS] [CREAKlNG] [SCREAMING] Nancy! KRISTEN: Nancy! [KRISTEN SCREAMING] No! [FREDDY ROARING] -You. -Oh, my God. Run! Get us back out, Kristen, do it now. Aah! I used to live in this house. That's just a house I dream about. Have you ever done that before, pull someone into your dream? When I was a little girl, like 4 or 5 if I had a nightmare, I would always bring my dad in. The dreams would always get better. He used to tell me about it the next day. He used to think they were his dreams. -Ha, ha. -And when did that stop? When I was still a kid. My folks got divorced. And after a while, I just thought I imagined the whole thing. I guess I didn't. It's an amazing gift. The man in my dreams, he's real, isn't he? He's real. Okay, group's in session. Straight talk only in this room. Today, I'd like to start getting us acquainted with our new staff member, Nancy Thompson. Let's make her all welcome. MAN: Hi, Nancy. -Hi. -Hi, Nancy. -Hey, Nancy. Now, you've already met Phillip and Kincaid and, of course, Kristen. How about the rest of you all tell Nancy something about yourselves? Will, how about you first? Hi, I'm Will Stanton and, um, I've had a little accident, as you can see. Ended up in this chair. Accident, my ass. I thought this was supposed to be straight talk in here. Hey, so he took a jump. At least, he wasn't sticking needles in his arm with a bunch of lowlifes. Save it, Kincaid. -Jennifer? JENNIFER: Um, ahem. I'm Jennifer Caulfield. And, um, as soon as I get out of here, I'm going to Los Angeles to be an actress. I'm gonna be on TV. Yeah, Lifestyles of the Rich and Psychotic. Screw you. [KIDS LAUGHING] This is Joey. He used to be a debater in school, but now he doesn't talk much. TARYN: I'm Taryn White. The only reason I'm in here is because it's a better deal than juvie hall also, because I'm going through some very strange shit. Your dreams? Hey, everybody has bad dreams. Can I interject something here just to save us all some time? NEIL: Sure, Phillip, go ahead. Well, according to our kind hosts our dreams are a group psychosis, sort of a mellow mass hysteria. The fact we dreamt about this guy before we met doesn't seem to impress anybody. KINCAID: Yeah. TARYN: That's right. So we go in circles, making minimal progress with maximum effort. You won't make any progress until you recognize your dreams for what they are. And what are they? The by-products of guilt. Psychological scars, stemming from moral conflicts and overt sexuality. Oh, great, now it's my dick that's killing me. [KIDS LAUGHING] TARYN: Tell me what's supposed to be happening again. Okay, you're being attacked by the bog demon. Go ahead. [CLEARS THROAT] -Uh, 14. -Doesn't count. You got to say the words. This is stupid. Oh, come on. In the name of Lowrek, Prince of Elves, demon, begone. Good, you conquered the demon but your horse is sinking in the bog. What do you do? I go to bed and get a new horse in the morning. Well, how do I score that? Enchanted slumber or death? All right, fellas, lights out. -Oh, Max. MAX: "Oh, Max." You know the rules. -Yeah. -Come on, Joey, you too. Every time we get a good game going... -...it's always lights out. -Mm-hm. Okay. -Good night, fellas. -Good night, Max. Okay, you get first shift tonight. Oh, come on, I had it last night. Good, just remember, keep your eyes open. And one whimper and you wake me up, okay? -This is nice. -You've never been here before? No, um, I think they opened this when I was at school. Best Thai food in Springwood. Of course, it's the only Thai food in Springwood. Uh, do your parents still live around here? My mother passed away. She, uh, died in her sleep. I'm sorry. My father and I, um-- Well, things just seemed to fall apart after that. Sounds like a rough time. It was. Neil, what if I told you that, um, your patients are in real physical danger from their dreams. The nightmares are nothing but a symptom of the real problems. All right, well, then let's just eliminate the symptom for the time being. -With Hypnocil? -That's right. You want me to prescribe an experimental psychoactive drug to a bunch of suicidal teenagers? Just until we get things under control. Dream deprivation is nothing to fool around with. You have no business taking it yourself. I used to be like them, Neil. I know what they're going through. So do I. You told me they were survivors and they all are. But how much longer they survive is up to us. I'm sorry, Nancy. The answer is no. -Shh. -Ah--! [GROANING] [FREDDY LAUGHING] [PHILLIP GROANING] Phillip. Phillip, wake up. Have a nice stroll, asshole. [GROANING] What? What are you doing? Hey, come on, man. What, are you crazy? Oh, shit, what is he doing? Get help! Get help! Phillip! Phillip! Phillip, no! Joey? What's the matter? WILL: Phillip! Phillip! Phillip! Phillip, no! Phillip, no! Don't do it, no! Phillip, don't do it! Phillip! Goddamn! Phillip! -Phillip! -Phillip! [ALL SCREAMING] -Phillip! -Phillip! -Don't jump! -Phillip, don't jump! [GROANING] KRISTEN: Phillip! -Don't you jump! -Aah! [PHILLIP YELLING] [LAUGHING] [CRYING] I want us to talk about what happened last night. I want us to all get our feelings out in the open. He wasn't strong enough so he got wasted, that's all. That's all? Is that what you think? He couldn't hack it so he got nailed, period. Oh, yeah, big, tough bad ass. How long are you gonna last? I'm gonna last longer than any of you. Well, just go ahead and fight because that's what he wants. -Who? -Who do you think? What does he want? To turn us against each other so we'll be weak, easy prey. KINCAID: Horse shit. -No, she's right. I think we're all missing the point here. Phillip's death was a sleepwalking accident, nothing more. No. I could see him up there. His face-- He was wide awake all the way down. Well, then it was suicide. Phillip quit, he gave up. Joey says it wasn't suicide. Listen to me, Joey, Phillip killed himself. Now, that's a cowardly thing. That's an empty thing. He let himself down. He let all of us down. It was murder. Can't you understand that? That bastard murdered him! I'm not gonna listen to any more of this. How much longer are you going to go on blaming your dreams for your own weaknesses? -How much longer you gonna keep throw-- -That's enough, Kincaid. There will be no repeat occurrences of last night's events. From now on your doors will be locked during sleeping hours. We'll start a policy of evening sedation for everybody. The fuck you will. Anybody who tries drugs on me, gets his ass kicked. You just bought yourself a night in the quiet room, mister. -Now, sit down. -Fuck you, you sit down. -Easy, Kincaid. KINCAID: Nobody is gonna put me to sleep. Get away from me. Leave me alone. I don't wanna go to sleep. Nobody gonna put me to sleep. Get your hands- - I ain't gonna sleep. Stay in your seats. KINCAID: Get your hands off me, I don't wanna-- We'll begin sedation tonight starting with him. You can't. They'll be defenseless against their dreams. That's precisely what they need. Some uninterrupted REM sleep to release all that negative energy. Elizabeth, I'm prescribing Hypnocil. It's a dream suppressant. I know what it is. I just can't believe what I'm hearing. -What has she talked you into? -Nothing. My patients, my decision. I want these dreams stopped till we get some answers. I can't allow that. Then I'll go straight to Carver if I have to. And he'll either back me up or accept my resignation. All right. But if something goes wrong, I'll make sure that you're held responsible. I mean that. Fully responsible. I can't believe I just said that. Do you think we can get the Hypnocil by tomorrow? We're gonna try. I hope you know what you're getting us into. [SINGING] Ain't gonna dream no more, no more Ain't gonna dream no more All night long, I sing this song Ain't gonna dream no more -April! -He shot me with a slingshot! -l did not! -Liar! WOMAN: April. GIRL: Liar. MAN: Hold it, hold it. -Girl, what are you doing? -Watching TV. I can see that. Why don't you read a book? You watch too much damn TV. Research. Oh, right, you're gonna be a TV star. Wait and see. Yeah, well, if Simms catches you here after lights out, she's gonna chew my ass. -I got to stay up, Max. -Jennifer. Just tonight, please. I can't handle the nightmare. Not after Phillip, not tonight. Okay. But I never saw you. -Thanks, Max. -Okay. BOY [ON TV]: This is a great meal, Mrs. Brown really one of the best I've ever had. WOMAN: Thanks, thank you, Steve. [CHUCKLES] Hi, sweet stuff, good news. It can't be good news coming from you. I pulled night duty. -So? -So got the keys to heaven, baby. -What? -The dispensary. I am talking clean pharmaceutical high, a night at Club Meth. -I don't do that shit. -Yeah? -What are those, beauty marks? -Those are ancient history. Oh, yeah? Well, if you're ever in the mood for a history lesson I'm your teacher, understand? Stay out of my face or I'll go straight to Max. Oh, yeah? Now, who's gonna take the word of a crazy junkie chick like you? Fuck off! [LAUGHING] MAN [ON TV]: Hon, I kind of figured you'd watch me bowl tonight. We're defending the championship, you know? -Oh, we're-- WOMAN: Maybe we'll come by later. Don't suppose anybody would like some dessert before they leave. GIRL: No, thanks, Mom. MAN: No, it was very good. -Thank you. WOMAN: Thanks. MAN: Helen? WOMAN: Hmm? MAN: Have you, you know, talked to her about the way things are? WOMAN: Years ago. MAN: Years? BOY: What do I want to see an old barn for? GIRL: Come on, it's romantic. -Aah! Unh. BOY: Look, April. GIRL: You want your car keys back, don't you? --silly thing to ask you, but how many of what did they have to kill? GABOR: Don't say that because I love animals. I've seen animal shelters. I bought it only red with black in it, so I didn't know what it was. -Probably from an artificial bird. GABOR: Ha. CAVETT: Did you ever go to any kind of acting school? GABOR: Not in the beginning. I started on a talk show. When a young actress says, "How do you succeed in this?" -You don't always say study? -Study. I think you should study. They have to study, work. And then maybe you can make it. -Can I ask you something? -Certainly. Who gives a fuck what you think? [SCREAMS] GIRL [ON TV]: This is your break, Jennifer. [DISTORTED SCREAMING] One, two Freddy's coming for you Three, four Better lock your door This is your break, Jennifer. This is your break, Jen-- [SCREAMING] -This is it, Jennifer, your big break in TV. -Aah! -Welcome to prime time, bitch! -Aah! Don't be ashamed, young man. This is a place for sorrow. What faith do you follow? Science, I suppose. Sad choice. There are times when it doesn't offer much comfort. I've seen you before, uh, Sister...? Mary Helena. You do volunteer work at the hospital. From time to time, when I'm needed. I should have been able to save them. Only one thing can save the children. The unquiet spirit must be laid to rest. It is an abomination to God and to man. NANCY: Neil. Excuse me, Sister. What are you doing up here? Uh, I was just talking to-- NANCY: To who? Doesn't matter. -Are you ready to go now? -Sure. Are you finished? Yeah, I'm sorry. I guess I, uh-- I'm not hungry. That's okay. That's pretty. What is it? This is my Malaysian dream doll. It's supposed to bring good dreams. Could use some of that right about now. You know, I used to think I could do something for the kids, make some kind of difference. But they're slipping through my fingers, every one of them. You're doing the best you can for them, Neil. Am I? I'm running out of answers. A patient sleepwalks out of a high-security ward. A girl alone in a room dies. I can't believe this is happening. Nothing makes any sense. Then maybe you're ready. For what? The truth. Try me. Only if you're willing to put aside everything you've learned and trust me. Can you do that? I can do that. Okay. Straight talk only in this room. Is this group? Well, yeah, unofficially. Pretty soon, there won't be enough of us left to call it "group." Okay, listen up, you guys. Nancy has something to say. I know who's trying to kill you. Don't humor us. We're not in the mood. He wears a dirty, brown hat. He's horribly burned. He has razors on his right hand. Who is he? His name is Freddy Krueger. He was a child murderer before he died. And after he died well, he became something worse. Six years ago, he killed my friends. He almost killed me. Why is he after us? Yeah, what did we do? It's not you. Your parents, my parents, they burned him alive. And now we're paying for their sins. You are the last of the Elm Street children. WILL: Mom and Dad? I mean, that's crazy. They never mentioned anything-- Oh, sure, that's the sort of thing parents tell their kids. "Good night, darling, say your prayers. And, oh, by the way, your father and I torched some maniac last night." So what do we do about this creep? Kristen is the key. She has a very special talent, a gift. I haven't been able to do that since I was a little girl. You did it the other night. That was different. NANCY: You never lose a gift like that. You just forget how to use it. How about it, will you try? All of you have this inner strength. Some special power that you've had in your most wonderful dreams. Together, we can learn to use that power if we try. You sound like Peter Pan. Remember, open mind. Okay. Uh, Taryn, would you pull the shades down please? We're gonna try a little, uh, group hypnosis. I want you all to follow this pendulum with your eyes. Tune out everything else. Nothing else exists but the pendulum. Take us there, Kristen. NEIL: Breathe deeply and relax. Starting with your toes, relax everything till there's no tension left in your bodies. Keep following the pendulum. You find yourselves getting tired. Nothing would feel better right now than a nice, long, deep sleep. I'm gonna count backwards from five. When I finish you will all be asleep. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Sorry. That's okay, we'll try again. Everybody take five. Ahem. I was willing to go through with this for the kids' peace of mind and yours but you're gonna have to face reality. [WHEELS SQUEAKlNG] [KIDS CHATTERING QUIETLY] WILL: No, I'm serious, I happen to be very susceptible to hypnosis. -I've been told by professionals. TARYN: What professionals? Where are these professionals? WILL: Well, "professionals" as in, like, magic-users and illusionists. Listen, Joey, I just wanted to get you alone for a second. I mean, look, I really like you. Do you like me? I know this sounds crazy but I make up excuses to come into the ward every day just to see you. You're so cute. Neil, let's just try one more time. If it doesn't work, I promise I'll-- We're here. Where here? We're in the dream. Well, no, we're not. We're still here in the group. In my dreams, I can walk. My legs are strong. In my dreams, I am the wizard master. Try something, Kristen. What can you do in your dream? [ALL CHEERING] A perfect score. The crowd goes wild. Ahh! -Ha, ha! -Fucking A, dig this. Kincaid, please. That's very unnerving. Hey, check out Taryn. In my dreams, I'm beautiful and bad. Look, I could get into a lot of trouble for this. But I know you won't say anything, will you? Unzip me. Do you like my body, Joey? [GRUNTS] [SNARLS] [LAUGHING] What's wrong, Joey? Feeling tongue-tied? [LAUGHING] Aah! What's happening? -He's close. -Who? -Freddy? -He's out in the halls. -Where's Joey? -Freddy's got him. Aah! Quiet, everyone, listen. [LOW RUMBLING] The room's changing. What the heck is going on? -Doctor-- -What's happening? NEIL: Get away from the wall! [ALL YELLING] Don't panic! Quiet down! Aah! Help! Help! -This isn't real! -Dr. Gordon! -No! -It's not! Quiet, the door. What's going on in here? What's wrong with Joey? Joey. -Code blue. -Oh, my God. [MACHINE BEEPING] He's in a deep coma. There's nothing we can do for him. This is inexcusable. The session was unauthorized. It was purposely conducted without my knowledge. Unusual steps were called for, Dr. Carver. Is that what I should tell that young man's parents? I understand you prescribed a highly experimental drug. Dr. Carver, he's not in a coma because of-- Young lady, your opinion is of no interest to me. Furthermore, according to Dr. Simms you've been creating panic among the patients. -That's not true. -Dr. Gordon. In the last four days, we've had two suicides. Now that young man is in a coma. I think it's safe to say that your approach has failed, entirely. You're both relieved of duty. I want you out of here today. I'm sorry, Neil. I'm afraid you brought it on yourself. For God's sake, Elizabeth, please. Will you please just try to help the kids? Will you listen to them? Of course, I will. What are we going to do? There is nothing that we can do. It's out of our hands. Sister! Sister? Hello? Sister? This is where it began. This wing has been closed for years. What was this place? Purgatory. Fashioned by the hands of men. Twisted, lonely souls. The worst of the criminally insane were locked up in here like animals. This whole facility was shut down in the '40s, wasn't it? Some sort of scandal? A young girl on the staff was accidentally locked in here over the holidays. The inmates kept her hidden for days. She was raped hundreds of times. When they found her, she was barely alive and with child. That girl was Amanda Krueger. -Her child-- -Freddy. The bastard son of a hundred maniacs. Some say he was murdered though no body was ever found. You said something before about laying him to rest. You must find the remains and bury him in hallowed ground. Hallowed ground? Sister? If your only faith is science, doctor it may be you that's laid to rest. Wait! Sister! Let go of him, you bastard. Oh, my God. NANCY: I've got to go in. We don't have a choice. Getting yourself killed won't help the kids at all. Besides, we do have a choice. Well, assuming your mysterious nun is right. I've heard weirder things this week. All right. Whoever she is, she does seem to know more about Krueger than I do. The question is, what happened to his body? They burned him to death in his boiler room and they hid the remains. Who would know where they're hidden? Well, only one man knows. And it's time for him to talk. No! You can't take Nancy away from us! You can't! She's all we have! You're a sick girl, Kristen. If you wanna get better, you must trust me now. [GRUNTING] No! -No, no! -Take her to the quiet room and sedate her. -Take it easy. -You stupid bitch, you're killing us! You're killing us! No! You're killing us! No! All right, everybody, back to bed. KRISTEN: No! No! [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] Hi, Daddy. Well, if it isn't my little girl. My baby come to see her daddy, huh? -It's been a long time. -Yeah. But you're here, sit down. What did I do to, uh, get so lucky? I thought that you were trying to forget me. That's not true. You're the one who's trying to forget. Oh, come on. I need your help, Dad. Krueger is back. [CHUCKLES] Fred Krueger is dead. You always had a little trouble trying to understand that, sweetheart. You know what he did. He's doing it again. She's telling you the truth. I don't believe we've ever met, friend. And I don't think this is any of your goddamn business. I think we can stop him this time. Stop him for good. But we need to know where his bones were hidden. I've lost too much over this already. I'm through with it. People are still dying after all this time. Stop running away from it. You owe me. It was nice seeing you again, princess. Next time, don't stay away so long. Nancy? -Nancy. -I'll be okay, just give me a minute. [BEEPER BEEPING] That's the hospital. [PHONE RINGS] -Dr. Gordon? NEIL: Taryn? You've got to come right away. It's Kristen, she had a total shit attack. Simms doped her up, put her in the quiet room. Simms put Kristen in the quiet room for the night. They sedated her. Oh, no. She can't stay awake for long. She's all alone in there. Freddy is gonna get her. Okay, none of you panic, just stay cool. Help is on the way. -Just hurry. -Okay. -We better get there now. -You go, I gotta get the remains. -It's no use. You see him. -I'll talk, you get to the hospital. -Make Simms understand. -She'll never. I got to get to Kristen somehow. Nancy, be careful. My name is Neil Gordon. Pleased to meet you. There, now we've met. Now, listen to me! I don't know if you care whether Nancy lives or dies but I do! You and I are going on a little scavenger hunt. Please, God. Don't make me sleep. What the hell are we doing here? Hey. Hey! I won't be long. -What do you think you're doing? -Uh-- Look, uh, sorry. Heh. I really need this. I got, uh-- I'll reimburse you. Here, you can keep my driver's license. I'll be back. [DINGS] Max, I need to see Kristen. You don't understand. Look, Miss Thompson, save your breath. Dr. Simms gave me specific instructions. No one gets to see Kristen, especially you. But Max, she needs me, she's in danger. You got to believe me. Listen, I really think you mean well, I do. But my kids have been dying off. And even if I didn't have orders from Simms I wouldn't let you near her, no way. Okay, Max, I understand. -Can I say goodbye to the others? -I don't know. It will be my last chance. Okay, you got five minutes. They're in the TV room. Where have you been? We've been going crazy. -Shh! There's no time for that, come on. WILL: Where? Our last group. All right. In there. We knew nobody would ever find it in that place. I'm not sure I can find it myself anymore. All right, it's deep in the heart of the place. Take it slow. Straight talk only in here. What about Kristen? We can't get to her, I tried. I was hoping we would have more time to learn to use the dreams. But Joey is in there. And Kristen is going in with or without us. They need us. You mean, we're gonna try to go in with her? To link up? It's now or never. I'm not gonna kid you. This is as dangerous as it gets. If you die in this dream, it's for real. Nobody has to go in that doesn't want to. I'm in. Me too. Let's go kick the motherfucker's ass all over dreamland. -Yeah. -Ha, ha. So remember, we have to stay together whatever happens. It's the only way we can beat him. All right, clear your mind of everything. Picture yourself in the quiet room the soft white walls, the total silence. Only the sound of your heart beating. Picture yourself there with Kristen. I'm gonna count backwards from five. And when I'm done, we'll all be asleep. We'll all be in the quiet room. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Nancy, heh, I knew you would come. You don't think we'd let you go in alone, do you? -No way, we are a team. WILL: Yeah. Listen, everybody, Joey needs us. I can feel him. Where is he? How do we find him, Kristen? [ALL YELLING] NANCY: Stay in the middle of the room! No matter what happens, stay together! KRISTEN: Help! TARYN: Nancy! Help me! [DOKKEN'S "INTO THE FIRE" PLAYING] into the fire Honey, you're gonna wake up the whole neighborhood. [MUSIC STOPS] What are you still doing up? It's past 1 . I-- I just thought I'd wait for you. Well, I'm home. You can get to sleep now. Come on, ándale. [LAUGHING] What's that for? I'm just glad you're home. Mom, I had the most awful dream. MAN: Elaine, where do you keep the bourbon? I'll be right down. Kris, I've got a guest. Please, Mom, I just don't wanna be alone. Aah! -I said, where is the fucking bourbon! -Mom! You should listen to your mother. Goddamn it, Kristen, you ruin everything. Every time I bring a man home, you spoil it! You know what your shrink says, you're just trying to get attention! [SCREAMING] Nancy! Kristen! Is that you? Welcome home, Taryn. Look familiar? Okay, asshole, let's dance. [BOTH GRUNTING] Taryn, Taryn, Taryn. Why--? Why should we fight? We're old friends, you and I, remember? Let's get high. [LAUGHING] [GRUNTS] [SCREAMING] What a rush. [TARYN SCREAMING IN DISTANCE] Hello? You guys, where are you? Is somebody there? [FREDDY LAUGHING] [CLATTERING] Oh, Will. You look tired. Have a seat. No, thanks. I'm fine just the way I am. For now maybe. But when you wake up it's back in the saddle again. My leg! It's the chair for you, kid. I am the wizard master. I am the wizard master! In the name of Lowrek, Prince of Elves, demon, begone. [GRUNTING] Sorry, kid. I don't believe in fairy tales. [SCREAMING] KRISTEN: Hello? Somebody? Hello. -Kristen! -Nancy! Aah! [WOOD CRUNCHING] -What is that? -I don't know. Yo, I thought I heard voices. Kincaid, I could kiss you. -What's stopping you? -Mm! Cool. So where's Joey? I don't know. This place is like a maze. Then it's time to stop guessing and start messing. Yo, Freddy! -Where you hiding, you burnt-face pussy? -Hey, we should find the others first. You think you're hot shit with a mute kid, don't you? Well, let me see you come get a piece of me. Krueger! Pussy! I knew he was a little chicken. [BANG] Shit. NANCY: It's a door. KINCAID: But it doesn't go anywhere. Yes, it does. NANCY: This is it. Are you ready? Let's snuff the sucker. That's it. The Caddy. Going somewhere? Look, I said I'd show you where the goddamn thing was. -I never said I'd stick around. -We've got work to do. -What are you talking about? -You're about to attend a funeral. One that's long overdue. Joey! [HIGH-PITCHED SCRAPING] [LAUGHING] Joey. Look, all the little piggies come home. Let him go, Krueger! Your wish is my command. -No! -Joey! [ALL GRUNTlNG] [LAUGHING] Nancy. He's strong. He's never been this strong. Yes, sir. The souls of the children give me strength. -No. -Unh. [ALL SCREAMING] Always room for more. -What's that? -What? [CLATTERING IN DISTANCE] Listen. Somebody else is out here. No. We're alone. [engine CHUGGING] [HORNS honking] Bury the fucking thing! Agh! It's really you. I killed you once before, you son of a bitch. [GRUNTING] [YELLS] [LAUGHING] NANCY: Let's try this way. Kristen, can you pull us out? They sedated me. We're stuck here. It's a dead end. What the hell? Sorry to keep you waiting. Perhaps if there was more of me to spread around. [LAUGHING] [SCREAMS] [yelling] [SHOUTING] No! Wow, did I say that? -You found your dream power, man. KRISTEN: You saved us, Joey. -Man, you blew him away. -Put me down, man. -Are you okay? -I think so. He's gone. It's over. Ha, ha. THOMPSON: Nancy. Daddy? I've crossed over, princess. Crossed over? I couldn't go without telling you how sorry I am for all the things I've done. I love you so much. I'll always love you. [SCREAMING] Die. [SCREAMING] Nancy. [GRUNTS] You're mine now, little piggy! -No! -Unh, agh! [GRUNTING] Please, God, for the children, for Nancy. Ashes to ashes. [SCREAMING] Dust to dust. May the spirit rest. [MOANS] I won't let you die. I won't let you. I'm gonna dream you into a beautiful dream forever and ever. [MOANING] Trust in him at all times, O people. Pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Hear my cry, O God. Listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth, I call to you. I call as my heart grows faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge. A strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in the tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. Even though we entrust Nancy to the earth, her courage and spirit shall remain with us. For the Lord, God, has comforted us saying that whoever finds his life will lose it. and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. They shall live forever in the glory of his kingdom. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face to shine down upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. My God. You were his mother. [English - US - SDH] The Bluemooners. With the stars, Maddie Hayes David Addison Agnes DiPesto and Richard Addison. -You all right in there? -Alice, are you okay? Oh, some day, Alice, some day. -Hey, Ralph. -Alice? Gosh, Ed, what should we do? I don't know. Maybe we can take a couple of those kitchen chairs put them next to the door and hear better. You want me to stop yelling, Alice? I'll stop yelling. I'll stop yelling. I'm not the one yelling. On my yard Alice! Do you hear me? Do you hear me Alice? Of course I hear you, Ralph, all five boroughs hear you. Hi, Ed. Hi, Trixie. Trixie! What are you doing here? Don't you know we are having a fight? -Can't you see we're having a fight? -Don't mind us. No, he didn't wake us up. We were out for our evening constitutional. Well, you woke me up. -Why are you kids fighting? -You wanna know why we're fighting? You wanna know why we're fighting? I'll tell you why we're fighting. I will tell you why we are fighting. -I don't know why we're fighting. -You know why we're fighting, Ralph. We're fighting because I asked you a question. Is that such a crime, Ralph, me asking you a question? "Is it such a crime, Ralph, asking a question?" Tell her what the question was All right, I Will. I told him I wanted to know where our relationship was going. That's it! You see that? You see that? She wants to know where the relationship is going. She has the unmitigated gall to ask me where the relationship is going. You want to know where it's going? You want to know where the relationship is going. I'll tell you where it's going. it's going to the moon. I slept good last night. How about you? Okay. I had this weird dream. Oh, yeah? What was it about? -I don't know. it's no big deal. -Listen, I was thinking maybe I should bring a couple of my things over here. You know, just to have. Not that I mind shaving with a pink razor, mind you. What do you think about that? Funny you should mention that. I was just thinking maybe we should knock this whole thing off. Something tells me you didn't sleep as well as I did. I just don't see where this is going, David where our relationship is going. Tell me where it's going, David. What do you mean, where is our relationship going? I don't know where. it's going somewhere. -I know we got one. -Well, I don't. You wanna know where it's going, that's what the problem is? Okay, I will tell you where the relationship is going. -it's going to be-- -To the moon. -What? -I'm sorry. You were just gonna tell me just where our relationship is going Well no, I don't know... I mean... I was gonna guess. I mean-- I mean, I was gonna suggest. Like this morning, just now. I said, what about if I bring a couple things over here? Now, that's the relationship going somewhere. But it is. Look-- For the last three, three and a half weeks we have had this relationship that is built around the bedroom. What if I bring a couple things over here? A couple towels, a razor, toothbrush. Then we got the relationship moving into the bathroom. A couple weeks from now I'll bring a six pack stick it in the fridge, bingo, now we're downstairs. Got the relationship moving into the kitchen. That's how it works, it takes time. Soon every room in this house will be filled with this relationship. And then you're gonna have to get a bigger house. We don't have a relationship. -Sure, we do. -No. No, we don't. We have something else. it's not a relationship. It's more like some sordid foreign movie. That. That's it. That's all we ever do. That's the whole thing. Every day, I wake up, swear to myself that what happened won't happen again. We drive separate cars to work. We act aloof from each other all day. We say goodnight at 5:30 ...I don't know how it happens, but we end up together. Your place, my place, the car. The walls are different but nothing else is. This isn't a relationship it's a bad habit. There's your taxi. You better hurry up. Wait a second. That's it? End of conversation? -You're just walking out? -I'm not. This is my house. I don't mean that. I mean, we have a relationship. No, we don't. A relationship starts small and builds. Grows. Goes somewhere. You meet someone. Go out on dates. You discover you have something in common. We've never been on a date. All we do is thrash at each other. We're talking primo thrashing. John Deere doesn't a build machine that thrashes as good we do. -Excuse me. -Okay. All right, look. I'll admit it. Maybe we have been doing things out of order here. We, us, Maddie, but that's not strange. Haven't you ever skipped to the last chapter? Fast-forwarded past boring parts of a tape. Skipped the entree and gone right to the dessert? -Just tell me what to do and I will do it. -I don't know what to do. I just know I don't wanna keep doing this. Blue Moon Detective Agency. We've been here three years taking care of your woes. Finding lost persons telling unfaithful bows And I have a birthday I' m offering a deal and I solve your murder we buy you a meal A night on the town, just a little gift from us. When there's murder in your life give us your business. You must be 18 or over to receive free gift. Murder subject to verification. Attempted murders, bogus suicides and deaths by natural causes are all exempted from this promotion. Clients found guilty of the murders we investigate are also excluded. Void where prohibited bylaw. Please hold. Good morning, Miss Hayes. If you say so. Come in. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Three years ago today City of Angels Investigations became Blue Moon Detective Agency. Oh, goodie. Miss Hayes, are you all right? I'm fine. -Okay. -Okay. -Miss Hayes? -Miss DiPesto. I know you're worried about me, but there's nothing to worry about. I'm just having a small nervous breakdown, that's all. And if it's all right with you, I'd like to do it in private. -Okay. -Okay. Mr. Addi-- Is she in there? VVhere's her head? Under some upholstery. She's acting very strange. How can you tell? Is there something going on between the two of you? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. -Wish me luck. -Mr. Addison? Relax! Going to announce myself. Hi kids! These need a little sun. Those for me? Hi. Yeah, I saw them and they made me think of you. Thanks. They're plastic. Yeah, well, I asked the guy for low-maintenance flowers. I understand how busy you are and what you have on your mind. Anything else? That's all I brought you. No, I mean do you have anything else to say, or is that it? No. Just that you look sad. You look so sad. I mean, you look great. -Just really look sad. -What can I say? I am sad. Right. I don't understand, because I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. -Well, I'm happy you're happy. -I'm sad you're sad. -Well. -Well. Not that all this isn't fair... Look! I have to say this to you. You were right. There are a lot of things that are wrong with-- This thing that we're in, this "relationship". We don't have a relationship, David, that's the point. It's very screwed up, all right? But it's not all my fault. A lot of it is my fault, but it is not all my-- Fault is not the issue here. Fault is not what this is about. This is about whether a thing is right between two people, whether it works, David. This thing, us, does not work. -How would you know? -How would I know? How would you know? You weren't there. -You never gave yourself to this thing. -Never gave myself to this thing? Who was lying beside you, on top of you, underneath you? -So what? -So what? ! I've got news for you, pal. Unlike most of those wishbones you call women that you've known for most of your life, I don't do that. Didn't give myself to this thing? If I gave any more of myself to this I'd be inside out. And what do you mean, "how do I know?" How do I know? I know because I was there, David. I saw the iceberg hit the Titanic. I saw the Hindenburg burst into flames. |t's a disaster. We're a disaster. No, no, no. You're a disaster. I'm euphoric. -Stop it. -I'm delirious. -Stop yelling. -I'm very happy. Well, I feel empty inside! I do. And I don't know what to do about it. Well I do. -Let's start over. -What? Start over. Go on a date. Talk. Things you were saying this morning. The thought of sleeping alone destroys you, doesn't it? I don't believe it! It's not about sleeping with you I don't want to sleep with you. OK, I like sleeping with you, alright? But if I don't do it, that's okay too. We're not talking about that. We're talking about you allowing yourself to be happy and letting someone know. You won't let yourself be happy. You won't commit. We sleep together in secret. We show up to work in different cars. We got more pacts than the Geneva Convention. -You're avoiding the issue. -How come nobody knows about us? We 've been doing what we 've doing for 4 weeks and nobody knows about it. -Who would you like to know? -I know that office is gossip central. News flies faster there than on CNN, and nobody, not even Di Pesto, knows. -Why should she know? -Why shouldn't she? -vvhat's your point? -I think you're ashamed. -Or you're embarrassed. -You want me to go into the office and announce that we're sleeping together? -You're nuts. -I'm happy. I want someone to know. And I want you to want someone to know. -I've had enough of this conversation. -Fine, I'll just go tell them myself then. -No, you're not. -Yes, I am. -No, you're not. -Oh, yes, I-- No, you're not. Yes, I am. Hey. Excuse me, everyone, I have to be... -...going now. -Block that door. Don't you dare. Don't worry, her bark's worse than her bite. I 've a little anouncement to make! A little piece of news. -Don't do it, David. -See that lady there? David. I think that I have fallen madly and completely head-over-heels in love with her. Yeah. So. Given that, what do you think? Maybe me and you can go out on a date? Just a regular pick you up at 7:30, home by 11 :30... A little food, maybe a movie I mean .... You think, maybe? Yeah. I think maybe, yeah. Well, I guess I better go now. Why am I doing this? Why am I putting myself through this? I ought to have my head examined. Well, if you insist. That's a rather hostile greeting, wouldn't you say? -Who are you? -Me? Why, I'm Dr. Joyce Brothers, of course. Dr. Joyce Brothers. What are you doing here? Oh, come now, Maddie. I'm not really here. I'm a figment of your imagination. I exist, or rather my image exists, because of your own repressed need to discuss your fears and anxieties. Well, let's discuss them. Earlier I heard you ask, "Why am I doing this? Why am I putting myself through this?" Why do you think you're doing this, Maddie? I don't know. If I knew, I wouldn't ask the question. Well, do you like David? Do you like spending time with him? I don't know. Let's backtrack. Let's assume you have a relationship the two of you. Want a relationship. Let's examine what a relationship means. Is this the man you want to be with? -I don't know -Is this the man you can imagine... -...spending the rest of your life with? -I don't know. Is this the man that you can have children with? Have a home with? A man who can live with. Love with. Perhaps even die with. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I sense your discomfort and your frustration. Let me take another tack. What are the two of you like in bed? Is that a satisfying part of your relationship? Are you taking pleasure in it? Are your needs being fulfilled? Well, actually, that's the one thing that is great. Yeah, I mean, sure, I'm satisfied. I take pleasure. And my needs, or those needs, are always fulfilled. Well, then, I don't get it, girl, what's the problem? This is it, David. D-day. No RB. No bodily noises. No lewd remarks. You're going to charm the pantyhose off her. Stepping out with the new and improved little more reserved David Addison. Loafers. What you say? Hit the road, Dave And don't you come back No more, no more, no more, no more Hit the road, Dave And don't you come back no more Now, Dave, listen, Dave Can't believe what you say You're gonna live To regret it some day Don 't care if he does Because he understand If he ain't got what it takes Then he just ain't a man Well, I guess if you say so You ought to pack your things And blow Thatis right Hit the road, Dave And don't you come back No more, no more, no more, no more Hit the road, Dave And don't you come back no more Don 't you come back no more Don 't you come back no more Don 't you come back no more Hey, Addison, what's all this trash you talking? Ray Charles? In my living room? Why, is that where I am? What are you doing here, man? -Talking to some fool. -Some fool. -Me, a fool? -Yeah, you fool. I can't believe what a brother is saying. "Don't make her" this. "Don't make her" that. And "l can be her kind of man." I mean, I'm ashamed of you, son. -Ashamed of me, Ray? -Ashamed. Ashamed for you and for all of us who don't have to put the toilet seat down. Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhh! I was just trying to make a good impression. Good impression, hell. David, oh are you happy David? The poor boy's done lost his head Lost his head Just to get that girl, I believe He 'd turn over and play dead And play dead Hold! Hold! Hold! Hold it! I play what? Play dead? Look, Ray, I'm a big fan and all but I ain't gotta listen to this, man. You know what I'm talking about. No, I don't. And I ain't playing nothing. -And I'm in control. -Control? Excuse me. I'm the kind of guy that knows what he wants and knows what he's gotta do to get it. -Oh, yeah, what's that? -The right thing for once. I'm gonna do what I want for me. -For us. -For us? -Hey, girls, I think he's got that sound. -Wait, hold it, hold it. What sound? Sound like the man has already given the girl his car keys... -Car keys. -...his checkbook his remote control. Sounds like, just to make a little whoopee... -Whoopee. -...he's willing to be married alive. Hey! Wait a minute! Wait a second! VVho's talking about marriage? You hear me talking about marriage? -Forget marriage, man. -Marriage is not all that bad. As a matter of fact, that's not even the bad part. -What is? -The trade. -The trade? -The trade. You know, whatever you're willing to give up. Once you fix a tomcat, you can't unfix him. You're way off, Ray, you're not even close. Look, just because a man's willing to shave a little style off his program don't mean anything else is cut off. -Oh, my, did you hear that? -I don't know about that. It don't sound like the Dave Addison I know, does it, girls? -No. -No. The Dave Addison I know would tell her: "Hey, you gonna get down with me nice and dirty... -...or you don't get down at all." -Yeah. That's right. The David Addison I know Would say "Hey, if it ain't good to you today, just wait until tomorrow." Ain't that right? The David Addison I know Would say Come on and treat me wrong Come and love me all night long Tell me what'd I say, baby Yeah, baby An right I know you, baby Just won't do Come on, do it right, girl Said you're doing it right But it's all right Say it's all right An right Any way you do It's all right, baby Say it's all right I don't know why I'm so damn nervous. Are you nervous? Yeah, I'm nervous. -You're nervous? -Yes, I'm nervous. I kind of like that, you nervous. -You're not nervous? -Nervous? No, I'm something else. -What? -What what? What "what" are you? You don't want to know what "what" I am. -I told you I was nervous, didn't I? -And I told you I wasn't. Yeah, but you didn't say what you are. So what are you? No, it would only make you more nervous. It ain't gonna make me any more nervous than that. -Okay, you want to know what I am? -Yes, I want to know what you are. I'm ambivalent. -Ambivalent? -Ambivalent. Okay? There you go. I feel very ambivalent about this. I'm filled with ambivalence. I'm not saying this to hurt you, but I just am. I am ambivalent. Feel better? -You do know what-- -I know what "ambivalence" means. -And? -And? And knowing I feel this way, how does that make you feel about this date? I feel fine about this date. I feel kind of ambivalent about your ambivalence. -Ambivalent? -Kind of. Kind of? What do you mean kind of? -I don't want to do this. -Excuse me? -I don't want to do this. -Wait a minute, do what? Wiki "l don't want to do this"'? Is "this" this date? "This" means this conversation. I don't wanna have this conversation. Why not? This is ... conversation to have There's no reason to be ambivalent about it. -Well, I am. -Why? -Because. -Because why? -Because I know how it's gonna go. -You do? I do. You're gonna say something, then I'm gonna say something then you're gonna get mad. I promised I wouldn't get you mad. -I'm not gonna get mad. -That's how these conversations work. They're a test and I always fail. I don't want to fail but I do. -I say something, then you get mad. -I'm not gonna get mad. It's always a test with you. You're waiting for me to screw up. I'm not stepping into it. I'm not. I won't. This date means too much to me and we both know that this date is a test, it's a trap, it's a setup. You're sitting over there waiting for me to screw up, aren't you? Wait a minute, where are you going? What about our date? Life's a bitch. Maddie. Can't help thinking that somehow that didn't come out the way I meant it. Yo, Maddie. Maddie, what about our date? Go away. Go away? Go away? You don't really want me to go away! Do you? it's gonna make it awful hard to hold hands. It's gonna make it very tough to neck. It's gonna make it impossible for me to give you a hickey. You don't really want me to go away, do you? Yes, I do. I want you to go away. Well, I don't mind telling you that me and my dating-game chaperone are a little miffed. Put out. Cut to the quick. Come on, Maddie, this is the cute stuff. Maddie, come on. I know you're in there. Come on out. Okay, fine. You don't wanna come out? It's fine. ...cos I'm not gonna stand here all night begging you to come out. No sirree, Bob. I mean, sure, I wanted to give this date thing a try. Wanted to see if we could work it out. But if you're not gonna even come out here I'm not gonna stand out here begging all night. So I'm going. Goodbye, Maddie. This is it. I'm leaving. Goodbye. Hey what the...? Hey pal what do you get...? Get out of there. What are you doing hiding in those bushes? Oh, my God, is that a knife? It is a knife. It's a big knife. No way, man. No way you're gonna get in this house and Ginsu that woman. Not over my dead body. What the--? Yeah, well, here, take that. And that! And here's some for your head! Oh, God. Wow! Maddy stay in the house! Okay, not my eye. I guess you never messed with a detective before, huh? Maddie, don't open the door. Just stay in the house. Just stay in the house. We got a dangerous criminal out here. I got him immobilized right now, but he's-- He still could be dangerous. Just stay in the house, call the police. I'll just stay out here with this guy. Hey, wait a minute. VVhat's that? Oh, my God, he's bleeding from the back of the head. Hang on, she's coming right out. Maddie... Maddie, come on-- Hang on there pal! She's not gonna let a man die Maddie, will you come on? Maddie, the man is- - Last rites? I don't know how to give last rites. Besides, you don't need last rites. She'll come through that door any minute now with Ace bandages and Bactine. Maddie, come on, come on, we're losing him. But I'm not a priest! All right, all right, here I go. Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord, my soul to kee-- Oh, no. Oh, no, Maddie. Oh, no. No, no, no. Maddie, he's dying. He's dying, Maddie. Come on out and take a look, and let me know if he's dying. Maddie, you coming? Look, forget about that. You don't wanna see a dead body anyway. Look, just and step over the body, and show me where the hose is so I can rinse this blood and brains off here. Maddie? Okay. Fine. You're not coming out? Fine. Great. That's just great. You got a dead man out here on your porch and you will not even come out and take a look at him. How am I gonna tell you honey? That's cold. That is very, very cold. Not as cold as this guy here, but that is cold. All right. I guess I'll just have to take care of it myself. I'll just drag this guy down to the curb and leave him there for the garbage man, how's that? That make you happy? Forget it. Forget you, forget me, forget this. So where's this guy? Yeah, that was just a superficial flesh wound. He's down the street robbing some other house. So if we went on this date, where would we go? Where? Anywhere. Where would you like to go? I don't know. I 'm not even sure I want to go. Movie? Want to go to the movies? It's after 9:00, everything's started. Dinner? Go get some din-din. It's a weeknight and it's late and we don't have a reservation. Bowling alley, pool hall, a bar, anywhere. -Something's bound to be-- -No bars. Lord, no bars. -Just come with me. No bars. -No bars. Not with you. No bars. No bars. Of course not. Hate them. No bars. I'll get my bag. Get your bag. I'll wait here. Guard the door. In case that guy comes back. See? I told you we'd find something. Come on. -Pretty neat, huh? -No doubt about it. -Definitely worth the wait. -What are you talking about? This place is a Shangri-Ia. Look at that sign, open 24 hours. Got some gourmet food here refreshing soft drinks. Pay phone in case you wanna make a call. All the heat you need, and in case we do anything that makes us dirty we can tidy up right here. This is better than a Hilton. -You spoil me. -You don't like it. Don't be ridiculous. All my life I've been wanting to come here. And to think, we have the whole place to ourselves. I'm sorry. I know how important this is to you and I'm not helping much, am I? Don't shrug. There's nothing to shrug about. For once, you really tried to be nice. ...and I'm being what you would call a "bitch." Surprise, surprise, what can I say? I'm not a very nice person. I mean, I have my moments, but .... Now's when you're supposed to jump in and say that I'm really not a bitch... and I'm one of the nicest people you 've ever met I can't. You're not. Brutal honesty and a lack of tact. I like that in my failed relationships. Now, you see, that's funny. That's sharp. Do you ever get that funny or that sharp with anyone else? -No, I don't think so. -You're right. We should stay together. We have to stay together. I mean, think of the banter. You're kidding and I'm serious. Don't you get it? I don't get any better than when I'm with you and you don't get any better than when you're with me. If this is as good as life gets-- I'm not saying this is as good as life gets, what I'm saying is .... I dont know what I 'm saying. I 'm saying that you know my garbage, good and bad and I know yours. I knew it the minute I met you. And I knew you read me the minute you met me. -That I did. -Well, that's the point. Nobody reads me. Nobody gets to me. And you .... You're about as cool as they come. But you can't deny it, Maddie you got a bad case of me, and I got a bad case of you... and I never had a bad case of anyone... What makes you think I have a case of you? Because you're here in a Laundromat at 2:00 in the morning. VVho's kidding who? If you weren't interested in what I had to say you'd be out that door, climbing in your car, and cruising home. Excuse me! Where are you going? I'm walking out the door, climbing in my car, and cruising home. You were right the first time. You are a bitch. Right, and what are you? At least I'm honest. At least I can look you in the eye and say, "Fine this is great. This is wonderful." But this is too much work for me. This is too hard. Every moment, every second, every word, every breath is like some test. If this is love, it's too hard. If this is love, I'll live without it. -Then that's it. -That's it. I'm numb, David. I'm raw. You love this kind of friction. I can't live with this. Yeah, fine, I love you. So one more big surprise. But it hurts too much it tears too much. I just can't do this. I'm just not up to this. -You underestimate yourself. -No, I don't. I know myself. I know my limits. I'm dead on, David, and this- - You are beyond my limits. This relationship. This thing we have. Whatever you wanna call it it only has two temperatures, white hot or icy cold. I can't function that way. I need some middle. And the few there is no middle. I know what it's like to be in a Laundromat with you at 2 a.m. I know what it's like to be in bed with you for 14 hours. What I don't know is what's it's like to go into a coffee shop at noon and order cheeseburgers, or what it's like to go to a store together and buy... -... I don't know, something. -You want cheeseburgers I'll take you out and get burgers. You want to go buy something-- -I understand. -No, you don't. This is me telling you it's over. It's over David. Period. I'll sell the agency, you'll find a new job. It's important for my mental health that we get out of each other's lives. Say something. Please? I hate Muzak. Don't go! I have to go! Dance with me. You 've used all that line with me before David, it's not gonna work. It always works. Has to work. Okay, so it doesn't work. So, what, this is the end? This is goodbye? Not even a goodbye dance? Got music. Got mood. Come on. It's the end of the summer, our last night together told each other how much we love each other but we decided to go to different colleges anyway. We gotta dance. -I hate you, David. -Yeah? Already played that scene too. If you could do anything, what would you do? -End it. -Second choice. I don't know. Go to some European country. Run and hide. Hide under a bed. Think. I want to be sure. I'm not sure of anything. Not even about ending it. Well, then, let's not end it. I love you, Maddie. -I love you, David. -Well, then, let's keep trying. I can't dance to this. Want a ride home? You wanna be alone, don't you? No, I'll just take a cab. I'm sorry, I know you want an answer. I can't give you one. I need to think. I'm a thinker, David. Okay. -I don't know what's gonna happen! -OK You're not gonna dance here with anyone else, are you? Better not. That's it. You see that? You see that? She wants to know where the relationship is going. She, has made a go, to ask me where the relationship is going... You want to know where the relationship is going? I'll tell you where it's going. it's going to the moon! Fine, Ralph, you wanna be angry, be angry. But I'm not gonna stay and be angry. Trixie, mind if I stay at your place tonight? -Fine Alice. -Wait a second, wait a second you think I'm just gonna let you waltz out of here like that? You walk out of that door over my dead body. Fine, Ralph. You're right. I can't walk out of here over your dead body. I'd have to fly out. Lady. Lady, we're here. You want me to get your bags? Yes, please. -Can I help you? -I'd like to go to a foreign country hide under a bed. It's OK. I never carry a passport with me. Do you have a schedule for domestic flights? You walk out of that door over my dead body. Fine, Ralph. You're right. I can't walk out of here over your dead body. I'd have to fly out. Oh, just once. Just once...right in the kisser. You got a real problem here, Ralphie boy. You said it, pal of mine. "Where is the relationship going?" What kind of question is that? Anybody takes one look around, you can see where it's going. Yeah, the Museum of Natural History. I got a great place here, Norton. I got a great job. I'm in the fast track. Anybody can see that. I can see that. Maybe that's not what she means. What do you mean, "maybe that's not what she means"'? -What do you think she means? -I don't know. Maybe all this material wealth you got here ain't the issue. -Oh, no? -No. Maybe Alice is talking about something that's a little more spiritual. -Spiritual? -Yeah. You know, we got a saying in the sewers, Ralphie: "Still waters don't necessarily run deep." Will you stop with that? You gotta help me here, Norton. She wants to know where it's going. I don't know where. -I don't know what to tell her. -Sure, you do. -Just tell her the truth. -Tell her the truth. How am I gonna do that? I never spend time thinking about where it's going. Let me show you -You be you. I'll be Alice. -What do you mean? Just what I said. You're Ralph. I'm Alice. Will you come on? You space cadet. Okay, okay. You're Alice, I'm me. Alice this is where I think the relationship's going. I think it's going forward. I like to think of this relationship like it's a big city bus. A big, big city bus and I'm the driver, see? I kind of sit up there, right in front, kind of steer things. -You're sitting up front? -Up front. -And where do I sit? -Anywhere you want. -Anywhere I want? -That's right. Of course, with you sitting up front... And they dont leave room for anyone else to see. That's what Alice would say, Ralph. -You know what it means, Norton. -Oh, come on, don't get mad. -You know what it means. -I'm trying to help-- -Get out! -All right, all right, all right. But Alice don't want to hear about the relationship being a bus. Well, then .... I don't know what to tell her, Norton. I'm crazy about her. I'm nuts about her. Can't she see that? I mean, there I am, all day long driving that bus up and down Madison Avenue. Women getting on, women getting off, and all I can think of is her. Sometimes, down at the bus station a couple boys start running down their wives. You know what i say to myself. I say Crandon you're a lucky man. When the chips are down, Alice is there. When the times are good, Alice is there." You may not believe this, Norton but sometimes, I 'm not a real bargain to live with. Yes I know... It's hard to believe, but it's true I don't know what I'd do without her. Why don't you tell her what you just said? -What do you mean? -Yeah, what you just said there. -That was beautiful. -What I just said here? Yeah. You're right, pal of mine, that is what she wants to hear. Get her down here. Trixie? Trixie, send Alice down here a minute, will you? And have her bring some extra Kleenexes here. Right, pal, forget about all that bus stuff just tell her what she wants to hear. I can't send her down, Ed. What do you mean, you can't? What do you mean, you can't? I order her to come down here. I want to tell her I love her. Trixie, tell Alice that's an order. Well, order or not, she isn't coming down. She left. -Left? -Left? What do you mean left? -Where did she leave to? -She called a taxi for the airport. Said she needed to get away and think things over figure out where the relationship was going. * Love and marriage * * Love and marriage * * Go together like A horse and carriage * * This I tell ya, brother * * You can't have one * * Without the other * * Love and marriage * * Love and marriage * * It's an institute You can't disparage * * Ask the local gentry * * And they will say It's elementary * * Try, try, try To separate them * * It's an illusion * * Try, try, try * * And you will only come To this conclusion * * Love and marriage ** Well, Al, I got all the food out of the refrigerator. You know, honey, I think it was real nice of you to take Marcie's advice and hire a woman to fix the refrigerator. I wish I could hire somebody to fill it. Dream on, Al. Well, since someone's going to be doing some work in the kitchen, I guess I'd better go upstairs and rest. Well, I'm ready, Mr. Bundy. Me too. Let me just check out the wiring. Take your time. I'll just be looking over your, uh... shoulder. Look at this. Directions on how to clean the oven. Still in its original plastic. That's the little woman's. I'll just go and put it up in the attic with her iron. [DOORBELL CHIMES] Oh, excuse me. Just keep looking. What's the emergency, Al? It's in the kitchen. You brought me all the way over here just to see that? Uh-huh. Thanks, Al. Oh, you know, Al, this brings back memories. I saw one of those in college once. I used to jog behind her for hours. I ran a marathon once and didn't even know it. Ahh. You know her name? Yeah, but I'm calling her Heidi. You know, Al, I feel kind of like a pig, standing here, enjoying myself, staring at a poor, unsuspecting woman as if she were nothing but a piece of meat. Look, Al, she's moving. Yeah, looks like two little kittens playing gently under some denim. I think it looks more like an apple, Al. What kind of apple, Steve? A little red one. You know how they are just before you pick-- You're a pig, Al. Oh, hello, Marcie. Well, I got to go back to the shop and get some more tools. Hurry back. This is why you left the PBS pledge drive? Well, this is something like Masterpiece Theatre. I can't believe it. You're as bad as Al. You're worse than Al. He's nothing but a Neanderthal sexist, but at least he doesn't hide it. Hide it? I got a T-shirt that says it. I never thought I would say this, but Steven Rhoades, under that sensitive, caring facade, you're nothing but a... a man! That's not true. Oh, hi there, Marcie. Peggy, do you know what is going on underneath your very own roof? Well, we're rotting our lives away, but the kids seem to enjoy it. Not that. Our husbands have been ogling the repair girl. That's repair woman. Oh, Marcie, calm down. Men will look at anything. By the way, Marce, what are you doing tonight? I don't know. Steve and I were going to go to a fund raiser for my women's group, but since I think he'd be spending the whole evening looking up the toastmaster's dress... I guess free tonight. Was it going to be formal, Steve? You know, a bunch of 300-pound women in crew cuts and flannel shirts? Well, actually, some wear tweed. Keep it up, Steven. Just slide down that evolutionary scale. Yes, Peg, I believe I'm free tonight. What did you have planned? Well, why don't you come over tonight? Some of the neighborhood girls are dropping by. Sounds like fun. I'll bring a cake. If there's going to be a cake, you'd better watch your fingers setting it out. One of the girls has been known to debone a chicken from across the room. It wasn't from across the room, Al. I'll be here. Steve, I'm going home now. You... You can put little mirrors on your shoes and go downtown for secretary lunchtime. Marce, come on, so I stared at a hiney. Does that make me a bad guy? So, uh, Al... You were staring at that girl too, huh? Yeah. I bet she had great legs. Yeah. Good breasts? Oh, yeah. You want to go upstairs? Yeah. Wait a minute. With you? Oh, yeah. Isn't there any more cake? Oh, sorry about your finger, Marcie. That's okay. It's only a flesh wound. I can't believe your husbands were staring at that poor girl. You know, because of men like that, I don't even wear shorts anymore. You're sure it wasn't because of the guys with the harpoons? Must he be here? We had sex today. Ohh. Ohh. Ohh. [DOORBELL CHIMES] That must be the beef people. Is that the other pig? It is. Don't challenge them, Steve. I've seen them send stronger men than you screaming to their graves. Anyway, Marce, I brought you flowers. Gee, Al, how come you never bring me flowers? We had sex today. Well, I know, but something I could enjoy would be nice. I'll remember that next month when you come begging. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Marcie, can I just talk to you for a second? Steve, please. I'm talking with my new friends. Marcie, he's undressing me with his eyes. Madam, that would take years. Well, I'm tired of sitting around the house. I do that all day long. Why don't we go out tonight? Someplace fun. Okay, girls, I've got it. Let's go to Troy's. That's a good idea! I've been there. That sounds like fun. What's Troy's? [WOMEN HOWLING] Peggy, this is a strip joint. Oh, really? Gee, I didn't know. You know, I've passed by dozens of times, but I've never actually been in. Oh, hi, Mrs. Bundy. Hey, Mrs. Bundy, what's going on? How you doing, Big Red? Ok, so I've been here... once. Usual table, Mrs. Bundy? But I tipped well. Peggy, I can't believe we're actually here. Does Al approve of you coming to places like this? Well, he's got mixed feelings. Actually, he doesn't know. Good evening, ladies. Mrs. Bundy. Can I get you anything? Yes. We'll have five of the usual. Five strawberry fanny bangers coming right up. [WOMEN MOANING] Peggy, I'm feeling a little uncomfortable here. Oh, that's okay, Marcie. It always takes me a while to warm up too. Gang way! Look at it, Steve. It's like two rhinos gently playing under a tarp. Well, Mr. Bundy, I don't know who worked on this baby before me, but they sure didn't know what they were doing. She knew what she was doing. Just goes to show you, you want something fixed right, hire an ugly man. You have my utmost confidence. You know, Steve, 16 years ago, Peg's father came to me and said, "Here, take it. From me to you, it's yours. It's hardly been used." I should have known there was something up. Come to think of it, he sold me that refrigerator too. Where do you think the girls went, Al? To a nice place. Away. This is the first time she's walked out without giving me a chance to explain. Well, what were you going to explain, Steve? It's simple, Al, I was going to explain that while it might have appeared we were looking at that girl's rear end, so admirably hoisted in the air before us, what I was actually doing was looking with admiration as I pondered how far women have come in the last hundred, nay, 50 years. Yeah, but she did have a nice one, huh? You betcha. But I still feel like a hypocrite. I mean, I give money to women's causes. Look, Steve, it's good for women to be gone when they're mad at you. It's good for women to be gone, but especially when they're mad at you. Because they go out there, they see what's available, you know, those fat, bald-headed little twerps that have no idea how lucky they are that they can't get a woman, and they come crawling back to you, thankful, knowing that there's no way they can do better than us. See, let's face it, you don't go fishing for minnows when you've got Moby Dick at home. All that knowledge, and you sell shoes. Hey, Michelangelo was just a painter, but he did other stuff too. Well, Al, this may come as a shock to you, but I love my wife. I like being with her, and I'm not happy when she's mad at me. So I'm going to find out where this Troy'sis, and I'm going to go and apologize. Hey, Hot Tub Girls is on. I don't care, Al. I'm going to go apologize. See, Al, it's time you joined the 20th century. Appreciate women for what they have up here, not for... ho, they're huge. What are you doing? Hi, Bud. Hi, Dad. I just wanted to talk to you about something. Put a fire under it. Daddy's trying to help Steve. It's about me and Kelly having to go to Grandma's this weekend. What about it? Why are we being punished? Why am I? Why are any of us? Are we done, Bud? No, Dad. Look, Grandma's real nice and all, but that said, she smells. And she makes me dance with her. Oh, Bud, do what I do. Ride on her feet. Please, Dad, send Kelly. She's used to dancing with smelly, old people for money. Let me tell you something about grandparents, son. They're your roots. They're your heritage. And they're not going to be around forever. But they do own some lakefront property. You get my drift, son? Thanks, Dad. You're welcome. So... that's what they mean by quality time? No, Steve. This is. Mr. Bundy, can I use your bathroom? Uh... no. Well, then I'm just about done then. Did I just hear a car pull up? What's wrong with you? You've got to be the only guy in America who actually wants his wife to come home. Many's a night I sit here, looking across at my wife, as she's sitting over there, much like you are, and I look at her, and I think... go home. Then the horror hits me, because it dawns on me... she is home. Now look what you've done. You've depressed me. Ooh. Daddy. It's like they know. What is it, honey? What's this about Bud saying that only I have to go to Grandma's? You're both going. Oh, come on, Dad. It's just a waste of my time. She can't even tell us apart anyhow. She's always telling Bud what a fine woman he's growing into. Then she sends me out to chop wood. They want to see you, and if you don't go to them, they'll come here, and we can't afford to reglaze the bathtub. Go on upstairs and pack. Fine. But this time, Bud can help her cross her legs because I want to have children some day. Al, you've got a... lovely daughter. Let me ask you this. When she grows up, don't you want her to be appreciated for more than just her physical beauty? Well, let's see, Steve, how can I answer that? Well, let's see. Kelly, honey, come on down here a second. Come here a minute, sweetheart. I want you to tell Uncle Steve what your guidance counselor said what career you'd be best suited for. Lumber camp toy or the other woman. Thank you, sweetheart. You were saying, Steve? Well, Mr. Bundy, she's working. No, she's not. She's out with the girls. How much do I owe you? 80 bucks. $80 to fix a big, hulking thing that won't work, and $20 to marry one. Wait a second. This is where I hide my money. Where did my money go? They keep it awfully hot in here, don't they? Peggy, you just put a dollar down that man's pants. Why? Because my checkbook makes him walk funny. How long are we going to be here? Not long. Just long enough to spend this. Oh, my God! All right. That was our construction worker. He's got a tool for every occasion. I think I should be going. And now, ladies, let's give a big Troy'swelcome for our Latin lover... El Zorro! Hola, muchacho! Marcie, tip him. Go on! Go on! Tip him! Tip him! I'm not putting money down a man's pants. It's dirty... it's immoral... it's degrading. Dollars! Dollars! Give me more dollars! Marcie, calm down! Zorro doesn't come back unless you give him dollars. Hey, Zorro! Bump it back this way, honey! That a boy! It's always the quiet ones. * You'd better Hold on to me... * [WOMAN MOANING] My wedding ring! It's gone! Peggy, I've lost my wedding ring down Zorro's pants! There was once a warrior schoolgirl known as the " Sukeban Deka." She risked her youth to battle destiny and vanished into legend... And now... The Cabinet's Secret Service, File No. 2, Classified. Special Agent Student, a.k.a. " Sukeban Deka." Age: 18, Gender: Female Place of Birth: Tosa Member of the Cabinet's Secret Service; reports to the Dark Director. Duties: Investigation and resolution of cases precluding police intervention. Weapon of choice: Compound-metal yo-yo. Codename: Saki Asamiya * Retired, October 23, 1986. Accordingly, this record will be deleted EXECUTE Hurry up! Get a move on! Hurry! I'm okay. I'm okay! 1st Unit... 2nd Unit, approach from the left... Kikuo! Hurry! Kikuo! - Hey, are you all right? - Yeah. We'd better split up. Are you crazy? If one of us gets caught, as long as the other gets away with the evidence then we can save everyone. Gotcha. Kazuo... I made this as a memento, just in case. If something happens to me, give it to my kid sister Megumi... Now go! Come on, Megumi, pick up! Hurry! Hurry up! Megumi! Megumi! Big Brother? Is that you? Hell... Hell Castle! They're going to kill us all! Big Brother? What's going on? Big Brother! Big Brother, answer me! Big Brother! Big Brother! SUKEBAN DEKA Ryozan High School Hey, guess what? We're doing our homework together today! No way! That's great! Isn't it? Dear Saki, I wonder how this letter will find you? It's been several months now since the battle with the Shirasagi-ryo. It's been long enough for it all to have become a distant memory. I've just finished my prep course for studying in England, and now I'm just waiting for the day I leave. If you have time, I'd like to see you... at least once before I go. I'm leaving on the 24th. Please give me a call before then. Please let O-Kyo know that I want to see her, too. From Yukino with all my heart... to you, Saki. From my sun-drenched window I look down at the frozen city. Both sadness and hatred exist only beyond the glass. It's true, if the rest of the world didn't matter... These are fun, you know. Try one! I'll take this one! Here you go. Okay, thanks! What's your problem? Wait a minute! Hey, you! You! Hey, you! I'm not going to take this bus. I'm just... Gosh! I mean, really! Wait a minute! That'll be 160 yen. Let's get off at the next stop, Kazuo. Listen, you! Bumping into someone and not even excusing yourself... You really are a jerk, you know. Here! That's not mine. Of course it's yours. I'm just here to give this back to you. I had to get on this bus I didn't even want to take it. Thank you. You're right, this kid definitely dropped it. What? - He's with us, see. - That's not true! - It's not mine. Keep it! - Thank you, miss! - I said it's not mine! - Kazuo... -Just take it with you, will you? - Kazuo! I just remembered who really dropped it. It was my mistake. Hey, you... Why don't you come with me? Kazuo! Shit... Who the hell are you, dammit? Get this bus moving. Stop it! Come on, you've got to stop! Stop it! Just stop it... this girl has nothing to do with it! If you don't want her to suffer tell us where you hid that photo! How should I know? All I brought back was those documents. I swear. Kikuo probably has it! You're wasting your time with us! Kikuo Kato had nothing on him. You mean they got Kikuo? Did they really get Kikuo? Hold it. Prodigious... The strength of your will is truly extraordinary. I could use someone like you. I welcome the opportunity to have you work for me. Come now, pledge your loyalty to me. Cut the crap! Is that your answer? I can wait. I know you'll come to understand eventually. What's the matter? It's just that... I've never had a man's face so close to mine in my life. Sorry. That's not what I meant. I feel bad, dragging you into all this. You should... I've got my hands full studying to get into college. I'm really sorry. But you know what? You're really amazing. I've never seen anyone as tough as you. Really? Tough? That might be true. Although, it's not like I wanted to be like this. You can't imagine how badly I wanted to live the life of a normal teenager. And now, just when I thought I'd finally gotten my wish... I'll be damned if I let them kill me now! Who are those men? What about the photo you've hidden? They're teachers at Sankou Gakuen High. The Guards of Hell. Sankou Gakuen is Hell Castle. They're going to kill everyone. They're going to kill everyone! Tell me, what kind of place is this Sankou Gakuen? - Give me your shoe for a second. - Huh? Your shoe! Come on, let's bust out of this moldy cell. Kazuo! - Do you know how to drive? - Leave it to me! Let's go. I'm surprised you'd know a place like this. This is where I was born and raised. When I was a kid, I used to come in here all the time and I'd get yelled at. What should we do now? Is that the photo those bastards were talking about? It was in Principal Hattori's desk. I was trying to swipe whatever I could. I couldn't make out what it was, so this is the one thing I tossed. What's so special about a photo like this? Goddammit! That's no use to us...even if we went to the police, they wouldn't believe us! Please tell me... what happened at Sankou Gakuen? - What good would it do to tell you? - Two heads are better than one, right? Hell Castle is an island in Tokyo Bay, a little over a mile from the city. You can only access it by crossing the one bridge that goes there. It's a private school that's become well-known for Principal Hattori's spartan education methods. Everyone lives in the dorms. The school gladly accepts delinquents and rehabilitates them into straight-arrow students. Three months ago, when Kikuo and I got expelled from our own school we were sent to Sankou Gakuen. At first, we thought it would be like Juvenile Hall. But the reality of this school was... What the hell was that? You run like girls! Yuri Shirai! Answer the question! Yes, ma'am, it's a WZ-63, made in Poland. A Sub-machine gun. Vro... Vro... Vro... You idiot! Goddamn you...how many times do I have to tell you? You just lost 40 points! Get in line! Come on, get a hold of yourself. Repeat the School Code! - We will become good people. - We will become good people. - We will obey the rules without fail! - We will obey the rules without fail! -We will never make our own decisions. -We will never make our own decisions. I am Principal Hattori's servant. I am Principal Hattori's servant! But why would they make students go through military training? There's a rumor going around among the students that they're planning a coup d'etat. A coup d'etat? I don't know what that fricking principal has in mind but a lot of us were killed during those training sessions. Everyone's gone apathetic now. They're all acting like slaves. I just can't stand it! Kazuo, would you mind if I held onto this photo? What are you going to do? I think I know someone who might be able to help us out. I thought I might never see you again. And I thought I'd never see you, either. Get in. Please! You've got to investigate Sankou Gakuen! If you don't get right on this, more students could be killed! I'm going to hang onto this photo for now, but Kazuo's word alone won't be enough. - They tortured me, too! - But there's no evidence! If you want proof, you can go find it! Are you saying you don't believe me? I've been able to confirm the bus accident. The driver's been killed. It's under investigation, but not one clue has been left behind. What about the building they dragged us into? It's owned by the Yotsuboshi Group. There's no way a dubious-looking gang could've slipped inside. But they tortured me there! Just drop it, Saki. You've resigned as a Sukeban Deka. You've found your own happiness. I wish you success in your entrance exams. All right, you've made yourself clear. Nishiwaki... This is the photo Saki brought in. Get a good look at the man in the middle. But this is Tokimune Kita! I was also surprised to hear that she'd met a student who'd escaped from Sankou Gakuen. It was all I could do to stop from crying out when I saw that photo. Why would Kita be at Hell Castle? Nishiwaki, what do you think of this scenario? Five years ago, attempting to stage an insurrection in the Department Kita and his men were foiled in their plot, and we surrounded them. The bastard was killed in that explosion. But what if he were in fact alive? Kita is behind the Sankou Gakuen... the very school we're investigating. I'm bored! I'm bored! I'm bored! Man, this is such a bore. It is boring, isn't it? - I'm bored! - Kyoko, hurry up and finish that. O-Kyo! Saki! Saki! O-Kyo, it's been such a long time! You didn't have to give me a heart attack! Saki! I really missed you! I really missed you... Another incident? Wouldn't have it any other way...check this out! "Marble O-Kyo" hasn't lost her touch yet! Actually, O-Kyo... Huh? I'm thinking of helping this guy escape to Shikoku. What? You mean we're not going to kick some butt? Right now, we don't stand a chance against those people. O-Kyo, you have a lot of connections, don't you? Will you help him get on a freight train to Shikoku? Please? Well, sure I will, but... I'm not going! Kazuo! What other option do we have? What can you do against professional soldiers trained to their peak? I'm not going to run out on my buddies. I have to do whatever I can. I'm getting you on that boat if I have to drag you myself! Saki... It's only been 3 or 4 months, but you've really changed, haven't you? Are you really such a wuss without your police insignia? The Saki I knew would've done whatever it took to rescue those students you would've been all fired up! You don't give a crap about anybody else because your own fight is over? All I'm trying to do is keep you from getting killed. Saki... listen to me... O-Kyo...it's exactly like you said. No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I guess before I knew it, I'd let myself get lost in a peaceful life. Saki... Going to the movies, going shopping, studying for exams... I'd lost myself in that kind of life and I was starting to lose my anger. The thing is, you're not like me... Deep down inside, you've got a peaceful soul. But still, there are things that can and can't be forgiven! O-Kyo, let's do it! You and I.... Let's rescue those students from Hell Castle ourselves! Yes? It's me. What's the problem? The Dark Director? It seems that our plan is under investigation. Watch your back! He created the Sukeban Deka Program, such a formidable system... I can't imagine what lengths he'd go to in order to thwart our plans. If word of our plan to stage a coup gets out, then both you and I are finished. You understand that, don't you? Only too well. Not that bastard again... The Dark Director... No matter how you look at it, we'll need soldiers. And that means...first of all, we've got to summon her, right? I told you, I have no intention of getting Yukino involved. But why not? Yukino's leaving for England on the 24th. The 24th is tomorrow. We can't do this to her at a time like this. Studying abroad? What a moron. Let's stop her from going. No. Damn. And here I thought we were going to fight side by side again. I know someone who could help. A girl from Boso Chiba. I think her name's Taiko Hirata. Taiko Hirata, huh? You know her? -Brings back memories, doesn't it? -I bet she'd be glad to come help us out. I'm going to go give her a call. Saki... What? There's someone I have to see. Sorry, we just let ourselves in... Listen, you're Megumi... Kikuo's kid sister, right? He said this is for you to remember him by, in case something happened. But it's not like Kikuo is dead, all right? I promise you! I'm going to rescue him, no matter what it takes. Let me join you, too, then. -It's too dangerous for you. -Please let me help! My brother...they might kill him, isn't that true? He's the only family I've got! I won't leave it to strangers to save him. I'll be the one to save him! All right, fine. Go get your things, then. Here they come! Saki! O-Kyo! Taiko! Saki! Taiko! Taiko! Everybody, split up! You went too far this time! I'm Sukeban Deka III, Yui Kazama! I'll make you pay! You dirty scumbags! Who the hell are you? I'm Sukeban Deka III... That's really low! Come down from there and fight fair and square! - You moron! - Cowards! Don't have the guts to come down here, do you? - Are you really the 3rd Sukeban Deka? - That's right. You've got to hang on! -Taiko! -Taiko! Watch out! Kazuo! Kazuo! Take that! Damn you! Stop right now! Dammit! Stop the helicopter! In my bag...there's a yo-yo in there. Nishiwaki asked me to give it to you. You won't get away with this. Hell Castle... I swear I'm going to make you pay! Miss Yukino... O-Kyo! Saki needs your help. You've got to help us. Get in, please. Miyamoto? I'm not going to England. Miss Yukino! First of all, I'd like to give you my report on Sankou Gakuen. The island is surrounded on 3 sides by cliffs. There's a steel fence running all along one side of the athletic field and there's a 10,000-volt current running through it. And over here in the lookout tower, they're armed with guns. In other words, Hell Castle is an impregnable fortress. That's it. Next, I'd like to outline a plan I came up with. We'll approach the island under cover of darkness in lifeboats. We'll slip in through the crevice in the cliff at the back of the island. Saki and Megumi will go free the students. O-Kyo and Yui will take over the lookout tower, and secure the area. I myself will cut the cable that supplies power to the island. Then we'll have the students climb the fence and escape by boat. -Isn't a backup power supply on the island? -That could pose a problem. As soon as the power is cut, the backup will be sure to kick in. Once that happens, it will be all over. -How long will it take for the backup to kick in? -Probably a minute or two. In other words, we're going to have to time everything perfectly and get everything done in that one minute. Everyone...please be prepared. Question! When are we going to fight? Don't get into any confrontations. I don't want just to escape. Listen to me, we're going to be up against professionals. We can't attack them. If we do, we'll get killed. There's nothing to worry about. I promise you we'll rescue Kikuo and all the other students. I promise you. We'll do it. You've got the Great Sukeban of Kyushu, Yui Kazama on your side! Please, try to cheer up, Megumi... We're carrying out this plan tomorrow night. Got that? I guess I ended up leaning on you again, Yukino. I'm glad you did. I've been imagining what it would be like all along. For you and O-Kyo to come get me someday, and ask me to fight by your side. I've been dreaming of that day... And now my wish has been granted. Same goes for me, too. The one thing I can't stand is boredom. Know what I mean? Here we are, getting all worked up in such peaceful times strange, isn't it? It's not strange at all. It's just that there aren't enough idiots like us in the world anymore. You are quite right, O-Kyo. Who's to say that the peace of the world isn't just a facade? Mr. Nishiwaki! This is the Ultimate Yo-yo. It's made of a new kind of super-concentrated compound metal. It's 4 times heavier than the one you have and can do 16 times as much damage. When you use it, I want you to wear this pad under the collar of your uniform. It's a special pad that will absorb up to 60% of the shock to your shoulder from the yo-yo's return impact. Don't be reckless when you throw it. Overuse it, and it will destroy your arm and shoulder muscles your bones will shatter, and you'll sustain irreparable damage. Mr. Nishiwaki... This is all that I can do for you. Come back alive. I'm sending those girls alone into sure death... I can't live with myself! I received this from a certain plastic surgeon. These are Tokimune Kita's complete surgical records. That's a photo of his new face. The principal of Sankou Gakuen, Hattori. We've got to stop those girls! Come back here! I can't send them into the clutches of that killer! There is no other way. Our hands are tied. Our only option is to place our hopes on those girls. Let's sync our watches. Hey, Saki, does that watch of yours even work? Of course it does! -It's 7 o'clock now, exactly. -Let's adjust our watches. 10 minutes from now, I'm going to cut the power from the fence. Does everyone understand? Yo... SD3! All right. We're going to come out of this alive. Got that? Those of you who are graduating today.. Your diligent training to rehabilitate yourselves shall now be rewarded as you stand here today. I am as proud of you all as if you were my own children! Do it! Well done. We're going to split up. Remember, if any of us are caught, it's over. We've got 6 minutes left. Okay, let's go! In the past, there was a time when I was known as Tokimune Kita. I was intent on reforming the government. But the flames of my passion were extinguished by our inept system! But I myself live on. My beliefs did not die. They rage on inside your souls! I have a formidable ally, you see. He's a central figure in the government. I have no doubt this man will let you use your abilities to the fullest. And after you've pulled off the coup d'etat and other acts of terrorism he will declare a state of martial law. And he will uproot and overturn the rotten society we now live in! And it is then that we shall create a truly ideal nation! Let us drink to that day. Repeat the School Code! We will become good people. We will obey the rules without fail! We will never make our own decisions. I am Principal Hattori's servant. His servant forever! His servant forever! Kanpai! Now then, as part of the festivities, let me treat you to a truly enjoyable event. Something's not right. This is way too easy. You little fool! I'm here to rescue you. Thanks for clueing us in. I see... When that helicopter attacked us, I did wonder how they knew we'd be there. But I get it now. I don't think that what I did was wrong. I did it to save my only brother! You're up against adult wisdom, you see. We don't even consider you a threat anymore. Where's my brother? You promised I could see my brother! Go down to the medical facility in the basement. Saki! They got you too, then? SD2! Saki! I like that look in your eyes. It's better than what I saw the first time we met. But I've had enough of that particular look. It's the same look Kikuo Kato and Kazuo Hagiwara had. I have no choice but to send you off to the next world! Who do you think you are? Look what you've done to these kids! What are you planning to do with them? Do I have to tell you? Youth is to be cherished. But the value of such a treasure rather than a sheep who doesn't even realize he's lost his wool, it is better to be a starved wolf! I'm going to do them all a favor and reinvent them. Screw your favors! The arrogant sheep is the most difficult to save. This is a special night for our top achievers, who should be proud to be graduating. I want you all to take note and remember how skilled and powerful these peers of yours have become. Graduating students, I present to you a living target. Do with her as you will! Stop it! -I can't fight you. You must stop. -It's no use. As long as I give the order, they'll kill even a living human being. You're a hypocrite! Staying out of reach, you force others to make sacrifices in your place! Have you ever fought your own battle, even once? Answer me! You coward! Hold it! That actually might be amusing. Those are the keys that will release the students. If you defeat me, then I'll allow you to free them all. I wonder if you're capable. Just come at me from any direction you please. Stop it! Stop it! You've got to stop! Leave her alone! Please, just stop! SD2, you've got to be strong! Saki! Saki! SD2! Saki! Saki! SD2! Students! If any worthless thoughts still linger in your mind, discard them! Your only glory lies in living your lives for me! Don't be swayed by fools like these! This marks the end of today's special event. Take the intruders to lockup. You know what to do with SakiAsamiya. She's dangerous. This is what happens when you step out of line. Asamiya, I want you to understand... I am doing this against my will... Stop it! What in the world are you doing? Farewell, Asamiya... Don't do this to me! Megumi! Megumi! My brother... My brother...my brother... Saki! Saki! Saki! Saki! SD2! I knew you'd come. Sorry it took me so long to get here. Your weapons are over there! -All right, let's kick some butt! -Let's go! -We're behind schedule, but let's do it. -Understood. I'm going to cut off the power 5 minutes from now. No. Do it in 3 minutes. At 8 o'clock, exactly. SD3... let's go! Right. O-Kyo! You guys, you can go home now! We're leaving now! What's the matter with you? Hurry up! We've only got 40 seconds left! Let's go home! We're getting out of here, okay? Have you all forgotten what it's like to have hope? -What's the matter with you? -Come on, we've got to escape! Has Hattori broken your spirit? Hurry up! Let's go! -Come on! Hurry up! -We can go home now! Let's go home. Come on! Let's go! Come on! You guys...we've got to hurry! Look at him! This is what they want to do to you all! This is what's going to happen to you in the end. Is that what you want? Shit! Why would they do a thing like that? Kikuo... Kikuo! Kikuo! That's right... you've got to leave this place! Come on, guys, let's go! All right? Let's go... 8 more seconds... 5 seconds... 4 seconds... 8 o'clock, exactly! Time for action! Hurry! Use the backup power! Run! Get a move on! Top speed, now! Run! Climb over the fence! We've got no time to lose! Hurry! Run! Run, run, run! Goodbye, Big Brother... Halt! Or I'll shoot! Hurry, now! Hurry! Overuse it and it will destroy your arm and shoulder muscles your bones will shatter, and you �ll sustain irreparable damage. SD2! You've got to get everyone over that fence! Oh, damn. Looks like I've run out of ammo. Don't ever screw with Marble O-Kyo! Now's your chance! You go on, too! Saki! SD2! Hurry, get over that fence! Serves you right, bastards! To hell...to hell with Hell Castle! Oh, my God... -Where's Saki? -She's inside. Hurry, everyone! Keep running! Keep running! Everyone, get onto the boats! -Hurry! Get onto the boats! -Hurry! Hurry! All of you! Hattori? Where are you? Hattori! Don't do this. Please, don't do this. Snap out of it! I said stop it! Please, just stop! Please, forgive me! How dare you crush my ambitions! You miserable little rat... I won't let you die an easy death. There was a time when I couldn't forgive other people. But I've never felt hatred for anyone, not once! But now I do hate someone, for the first time. It's you I hate! Ryozan High School, 12th grade, Class B... Saki Asamiya! Also known as the Sukeban Deka! This cherry blossom insignia symbolizes the anger of all the students whose youth you screwed with and ruined! As long as I have this insignia, I swear I'll smash your phony ideals to pieces! Saki... Megumi! Megumi... Saki...forgive me. Megumi! Megumi! I don't care if it shatters my arm... Hattori...if it's the last thing I do... If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to kill you! Dammit! What the hell is Saki doing? Damned little worm! Now do you see that you're no match for my powers? I shall not die. Nothing will stop me from realizing my ambitions! I hate your guts! Go to hell. That will cut you down to size! Saki! SD2! Saki! -Saki! -Saki! SD2! Saki! Saki! What happened to Megumi? There's a steady stream of escapees from Sankou Gakuen... Most likely, everything will come out into the open. Your plans are history. You have been defeated by a group of teenaged girls. Young women of the same generation you were plotting to exploit. Don't worry, we'll take care of the mess. Sisters! Good job. You were great. Mission accomplished! I'm glad you came back alive. Goodbye, Yui. Senpai... Good luck, SD3. Do your best! This time, for sure... it's really goodbye. Saki! Hey, wait up! From my sun-drenched window, I look down at the frozen city. Both sadness and hatred exist only beyond the glass. It's true, if the rest of the world didn't matter I could live my life without feeling pain. But I want to live with all my heart. And walk through the Door to Paradise alone. I'm not quite used to my new shoes yet, and I still feel a little pain but step by step I'm going to break them in so that I can move closer to you. THE END I will never forget that morning. I'll regret the things I said to my mother for the rest of my life. Shou! Shou! Shou! You're going to be late. I thought that you would behave better when we got back to Japan. But you're acting just like you did in the United States. Shou! Did you dry yourself off? Did you shut off the shower? You always let the water drip. Last night your teacher called from the Japanese class. You haven't gone for two weeks. Friends, friends. That's burning. Robert and Piggy? It's not cool to spend all my time studying. They'll go back to the U.S. someday. But you're Japanese. You'll be here. Yeah, yeah. I know. - Shou! Where's your underwear? - Where's your bra? Look how you treat me! Will you please say something to him for me? You're going away for the weekend again, right? Yeah. That's burning. Can you talk to Shou's Japanese teacher about transferring schools? With you going back and forth to Tokyo... I can't handle all these things by myself! You don't understand how we feel. If you can't get into a Japanese school, you'll always be an outcast here. That's not my fault. It's my parents' fault. Our fault? It's all because Dad had to go to L.A. Because of his job! If Dad couldn't do anything, how do you expect me to? What kind of child is this? Talking back! I'm not going to Japanese class. You old woman! Get out! You don't ever have to come back! Who would want to? - Buddy! - Morning! You know, I'm scared. I feel like my son has left... And will never return. Young men grow up and test their limits. Don't worry. Someday he'll marry someone like you and forget us little by little. He's still just a kid. Just a kid. Rain? Yes, rain... It's raining in Tokyo. It isn't yet? It will be tonight. Because I'm coming to see you. Then I'll pick you up at the station. What time? Yes. An umbrella? I won't bring one. I want to walk with you in the rain. My parents are very fond of you. They want us to visit them again. Thank you. I'll be a good wife to you. Wait! I'm sorry, I have to go. See you tonight, my Rain Man. Cool! Now I feel like I'm really alone. Shou! It's all over now. It's really over? Telephone... Yes, the telephone. - You! - Buddy! What are you doing here? Yu wanted to play. That's why Yu followed. 181 people, including 16 teachers, and the entire school has disappeared. It's been concluded that this could be a time slip situation. From Kobe University, here's a geologist, Professor Jackie Yamatojiba. Professor, can you briefly explain a time slip? A time slip... That's a difficult concept, dealing with the link between time and space. When the balance is disturbed, a time slip occurs. Of course, currently, this is under investigation. We can't say for sure... I saw the news at the station. I took the express train back. I'm sorry. Are you alright? It's my fault. It's all my fault! My fault! I'm sorry, it's chaotic here. I'd like you to continue the point you were making. Where do you think the school and the people went? I don't know. The only thing we know is this surviving child. Yes, they're bringing her up now. She got caught between space and time. She has a flower in her hand... I can't say any more. I have no idea what happened to the others in the school... Mother... I don't know what happened to us. We've gone through the day without knowing anything. I want to go home. I want to see my mother. Mother... Where is Yu? I haven't seen him since last night. Yu! I wonder what that was... I found this. Don't come near! Everything is mine. Do you understand? If you come any closer, I'll kill these kids. It's their fault. It's not my fault. If I don't do this... Eat! Mother! Mother! Shou! Shou! He's alive! Emiko! Mother! Mother! Hey! What are you doing here? Ma'am! He needs me! Let me go! I must help him, please! Emiko! Emiko! Calm down! Let me go! Wait! Emiko! Wait! Emiko! Mother! Mother! He wants to kill me! Emiko! Shou! My mother helped me. He's alive! My son! - Thank you. - You're welcome. There was a storm on the second night. We didn't see any of the teachers. Everybody was tired and went to sleep early. The sound was a soft and gentle melody. The scary monster was calmed, because of Miss Midori's piano. And that night, I lived to dream of my mother. Where is my home? Where am I? Mom... I cannot... Who is it? Did you see? Please don't tell anybody. That's right. Water is necessary. This is our secret, okay? Yeah. - Promise? - Yeah. I'm glad. Everybody else should feel the same way. Shou! Shou, you're so cool. Time passed like that. Mother... Under the sand, we found the monument. We decided to keep it secret. Some people need their dreams. Shou... You're not an adult yet. You're not ready for the world. We decided to take an expedition. Everybody's fear has brought us closer together. Fear has become such a strong power. Mother... We decided to take an expedition today. I wondered what exactly we had stepped into. If this is a dream, I hope everything is a dream. I don't know why. The air smells like home. While we were on our horrific journey, they were having a rough time at the school. You guys must live! Miss Midori! Shou! Come back soon. Shou! That tunnel... I wonder what it was. There are many things I don't understand in this world. Maybe the balance of nature has shifted... We're back. Welcome home. What happened to everybody? We've been waiting and waiting for you. Every day we wondered where you were. It's been a month. A month? We just left this morning! A month? Miss Midori... Miss Midori became a monster. I couldn't believe what happened in front of me. But crazy things like that couldn't really happen. No, Miss Midori was killed by a monster while saving us. We decided to avenge Miss Midori's death. Our strong anger gave us even more strength. Shou... We lost many in our group. And its all my fault. I wasn't the best choice for a leader. You are courageous because you see your faults. You are becoming a greater man and a leader. I need your power. I need your help, too. You're very pretty, Ayumi. Your tears are more beautiful than a lake. Yu... Yu can go. Yu... Do you want to see your mom? Yeah. Then go home. Bye bye, Ya. He's going home. Going home. I know he is. Yu is going home to his mom. I can hear his mother's voice. That's right. Yu is going home to his mother. Yu... He was too young to be here. Welcome home. Let's change your clothes. You'll catch a cold. Do you really think it was a time slip? All I know is... they're gone. And we were left behind. Kids are always going someplace without telling adults. Do you think... Is that place far away? That place is somewhere beyond time. It could be very close. But it can't mix with our time. Could they have gone back to the time of the dinosaurs? Does it have to be a scary time for them? Children go to the future. They always do. That's a basic rule of nature. If I continued to stand here, could the time slip appear again? Could I go through it too? Would I go to the same place? We can't possibly go to the same time as children. They have taken the love from their parents, and they'll use it to create something greater. Ma'am... My son is there too. A glimpse... I'd just like a glimpse of my son as an adult. That's all I want! And then my buddy said they were going on a journey. Do you know what a sand tunnel is? My buddy wanted to see inside the tunnel. That 's why they went there. Mother, how are you doing? I haven't seen you for such a long time. I remember when we were together, but now I have a new life. I have become an adult now. Thank you, Mother. Thank you for all the wonderful memories. I will take them with me forever. Not only tomorrow, but for all time. Because I am the seed born of your love. We will recreate our earth in memory of you. Please keep us in your thoughts forever. Translation by Amy Asai and Thomas Weisser Subtitles by tubesoda for Asian DVD Club Rivetot, what in the world are you doing? - I wasn't going to kill him. - Kill who? What? - The dog! - Which dog? A red dog. It's the first one I've ever seen. He crossed the street just in front of us. I almost got him, did you get hurt? So where is that dog? We could adopt him. No. But.. Hell, I wasn't dreaming! A huge dog, scarlet red. He looked as if he was blood-soaked. - I don't know. - I'm not crazy. You must have fallen asleep for a moment, or you had a hallucination. Boy! Right in front of the wheel. What happened? A giant dog, with feverish, very sparkling eyes. - You, too? There, Michel! I wasn't dreaming. Let's see! This region is famous for it. A big red dog keeps crossing the streets around here, to test the driver's reactions. Hey! Look out! Stop! Stop! - I'm lost. - The beast must have left, or it's scared to get a beating. - Don't joke about it. - What do we do? We wait for nightfall, to see the dog dancing the rumba in our headlights? - Or we can leave right away? - Hey! Ho! Wait one minute! I know you! You're Michel Mortez. Unbelievable. Come, let's take a picture. Madeleine! Attention. Sir, don't move, you'll be out of focus. Good. Smile. Thanks. Rivetot! Light my way, please. I can't see anything. Ah! Thanks. Hello? Hello, love, it's me. Yes, it's me, darling. Ah! Yes. Not at all! Do what you have to. April, in Rio, certainly. How great! How lucky! What? No, don't change anything for me. If you have a meeting, I don't want you to be late because of me. Please. Of course! I, kiss you? Yes, I kiss you everywhere. - How are you? - It isn't easy, you know? - At least she loves you. - So she says. We have a reservation under Mortez et Rivetot. Oh! Yes! You're the gentlemen from the radio. M. Mortez! Here, there are two rooms reserved for you. We expected you earlier. We were held up by a red dog with yellow eyes. Oh, no! Rabies? Don't worry, dear lady, the beast didn't dare. Don't worry, I'll live through it. Really? You scared me. Strange things happen. Say, do you have one room with two beds? - Yes, why? - We'll take that one. - We'd reserved two rooms. - Yes, but... No. We changed our mind. We'll only take one. I have the two rooms, and others, if you want. It's very quiet. My chauffeur has type B Diabetes. He needs constant care. If I'm not there with him, he may be dead tomorrow morning. This would have repercussions on the reputation of your hotel. That's why we need a room with two beds. I wasn't aware of this. Forgive me. - Should I take the bags? - No, thank you, we'll be ok. - I look like an idiot. - At all! Michel! What's wrong? Michel! Are you ok? Can you hear me? - Michel! - What's wrong with him? Nothing, bring the stuff to our room, Michel, are you ok? I'm fine. There, get up, hep! There we have it. I'm diabetic and you faint on us! Come on, walk straight, there's the landlady. You didn't see anything: nothing happened. Are you ok? Alright. - So you like the room, sirs? - Good, very good. Very nice. Please! - Is there a restaurant? - Excuse me? Can we have dinner? I'm afraid you can't at this hour. I must insist, madame. It was a long and hard trip, now we'd like to eat a bite. I'll check if my husband can heat anything up for you. We'll take a quick shower and be back down. Are you finished? Can I bring the desert? - Yes, thanks. - It was delicious. - There's only one slice of cake. - Thank you, miss. Is it home-made? Yes, not in this home, but it's very good. Great, should we share? - Take the fruit, I love the dough. - Delphine! Shit, I don't understand. 5 000 Francs are missing. - You hear? - You miscalculated. It's all my fault. - It always is. - Easy, you! Did you steal it? - It isn't your money. - No, it isn't, but I'm responsible for it. So, it's you? Is everything satisfying? Did you like the meal? It was perfect. If I'd asked you for 5 000 F, - would you have lent them to me? - Of course, not. See? I knew it was you. I'm disgusted. I calculated it. 33 000 are missing. How can we account for that? - Stop moaning, I'll give it back. - Really? When? Whenever you want, buddy. Tonight, if you want. I'll give them to you, this evening. Say, is the casino of your borough open this season? Hem,..no. - Closed. - Shame. - Good evening, Sirs. - Goodnight. 5 000 F more or less, I don't see the problem. I'm fed up with bailing you out. I'm sorry for you, Rivetot. You can be so petty! "Petty"? Look who's talking! Because of your debts, we have to stay in dubious hotels, and share a room, to save money! - I've no more privacy! - As if you needed any! It may be true, Michel. Take it easy. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Good night. It's been twenty years, aren't' you tired of it? Since the Cat's Tongue's beginning, I added it up, I asked 94 203 questions and met 18 603 candidates. I'm not like those actors in theatres, always saying the same lines, on the same cues, to the same partners every evening, no. For me it's different every time. So, you see, I'm not tired of it. Michel! You'll be late for the selection of the candidates. - I'm not done with my interview. - They're waiting. Go, M. Mortez, don't worry. - You've only asked two questions. - That's ok. When were you here last time? I don't know. Two years ago, in march. Why? I'll look in the archives, and copy the article. - Goodbye, Sirs. - Goodbye. That little asshole! Who hits it? Hold on a minute! Do you know how much that's worth? Come closer. We can't hear you. Let's repeat the applause. When I raise my arm, you applaud. When I lower it, you're quiet. OK? Let's try it. Attention! Well? Is that what you call an applause? You ought to be ten times louder. Go on! There! Formidable! You're formidable! You're on in 1 minute 30 seconds. - OK. Is it sunny in Paris? - Not really, and you? Rather shitty. You gotta hang in there. In two months, you're in the studio. What? Haven't you heard? Mortez'show is off. You're joking? - We've known it for a week. - I don't believe it. There must be a mistake Did they just change the slot? Philippe, listen! Check if they changed the slot. And guess what replaced it? Hello? Airing in 30 seconds. Go! On you. Thank you, Jerome, for this clubbing hit. It's time for our daily hour with Michel Mortez who's in Marez for his game, the Cat's Tongue. Maréziens, how are you? Today we are in Marez, in the Friac county, where we'll be next week, as well. And? Marez prises itself home of a XII century castle, unfortunately damaged in the bombings of 1944. Marez, city of flowers and smiles, whose packaging and household items industry are famous throughout France. Don't ever do this again! M. Vaillant, you're too young to have seen the 1944 ruins. Since when do you live in Marez? I came here six years ago. You're a science teacher at the Marez High school? Indeed. Physics and Chemistry. Physics and chemistry aren't very popular. I envie the drawing teachers. "It's an australian state, a port in Canada, "a lake in equatorial Africa..." - It's his voice. Hello, I'm the repairman... What timing! Attention! Only five seconds! Ah, I... I know it. I know it. The answer? Are you giving your Cat's Tongue? Well, yes. I'm sorry, many listeners must have known the answer. It was the Victoria falls. I knew it. - I was afraid I'd be wrong. - Sorry. This was an easy question. "Born in 1778, died in Paris in 1850, "he worked on gas expansion. "and announced some basic laws, "like, for instance, thermic coefficiency. "The name of this french physicist is worth ten points. "his christian name Louis-Joseph." Everybody knows Louis-Joseph Gay-Lussac! Sir, it wasn't your turn to answer! I'm sorry, madame, but what difference does it make, you already were comfortably ahead. - You're putting it all at stake? - No, I prefer to stop here. As you wish, the jackpot increases of 1 000 F and tomorrow will be at 27 000 F. See you tomorrow, at the Cat's Tongue. Maréziennes et Maréziens, be well! Philippe? Were you bullshitting me? Which language should we speak? The show is cancelled. Mortez is out. Why weren't we informed? We should be, soon. It went out with today's mail. Good luck for telling the old man . See you! You're horrible. - Michel, can I speak to you? - Just one moment. It's important. Michel! Michel! Get up, Michel! It's nothing. Michel! I don't see the point of exhausting you like this, if we have to keep you going like this. You're giving me lessons? You want any? You sound like papa. You know, Michel, maybe you have to stop before it's too late. One has to stop when one's at the peak. Over my dead body. With a syringe up my arse I'd get up on stage. And that's where you can put your lessons. - Can I have an autograph? - Certainly. - What's your name? - Michel, like you. "For Michel", signed "Michel". - Thank you, M. Mortez. - Oh, please. What did you want to tell me, earlier? Huh? Nothing important. - Are you leaving today? - Yes, why? - Do you have a better idea? - No, I was just asking. It's always the same. A different city every day. We don't have time to get attached. - Do you love your job? - Not bad, we see lots of places. - We did Switzerland and Belgium. - Really? Hotels, restaurants, the road, all the time, male friends, tout ça... I owe the great success of this show to you, and the audience, which ... since 15 years, no, 20, 25 years, follows, listens and encourages me. I drink to your fidelity, ladies and gentlemen. Cheers! Delicious! This isn't just a decor, Let's eat. - Go. Hello, girls! - Are you coming back? Oh, if we ever get back here, you'll be married with children, a family and all that, - You're lucky. - Do you have children? No, I'd love to, but Mortez doesn't want any. It wouldn't be good for the kid: a different school every day.. There, little Mareziennes, behave! And when the direction announced that they wanted the show for another 10 years, I couldn't believe it. And yet, it was true. It's marvel... Oh! There it's for me. My driver awaits me. I'm chatting away, but we have a long road ahead. Thanks for everything, thank you all. Maréziennes, Maréziens, be well. Say, M. Mortez, I'm sorry for earlier. It's ok. You'll do better next time. Especially because I knew the answer, the Victoria falls. Everybody knew it. You had a blank. Goodbye Yes, speaking of blanks, we're going to Mézoches-le-Château. Indeed. Look. - That's the fourth one. - The fourth what? That man on the bridge. I wonder what they're doing there. you've got to be bored to death. He doesn't bother anyone. He bothers me. One day, one of them will go crazy. he'll throw his bike on a car. You'll see, Michel. I'm not a fan of it, besides it makes you thirsty. You could have gotten a thermos with champagne. Enough, I'm becoming nauseous. You, you threw up? I don't understand! When you don't digest well, you shouldn't be eating. It's a waste. In my parent's house, the gas counter was in the garage. When I was little, I spent hours in front of the dial, watching the numbers turn. The ones on the right turn faster. At ten, the two last numbers both change. To see three change, you had to wait a lot. Four numbers, very rare. It almost never happened. I came at lunch time, when the numbers turned quickly. I said to myself: "I'll wait for three numbers to change, and I'll leave." I spent so much time in front of that counter! Now that everything's electric, your childhood would have been less tedious. One can watch an electric counter, too. It moves, too. But it's silent, it doesn't go clac-clac, so, it's less interesting. Yes, you must have done strange things when you were little. I spent my time at the casino, watching the roulette turn. watching the roulette turn. Yes, it's true. My parents were diplomats, but baby-sitters were expensive, so they brought me to the casino in the evening. And as I was very good with martingale, I won the bank every night. So they banned me, but I didn't care, because by that time, I was able to pay for a babysitter myself. - You don't believe me. - Oh, yes, I do. It's a known fact. In Las Vegas, there's a casino named after you. See, you don't believe me. Did you put it on cotton? Yes. - What is it? - It's for Mr Mortez. - There was a call from Paris. - Pst! - He's sleeping. - Oh! I'm sorry. There. Mr Mortez is to call Mr Gaultier, at the radio. He said it was urgent. He'll be there until eight PM. Very good, we will, thank you. - Excuse me. - No worries, he was sleeping... What was it? Oh, nothing, somebody came to the wrong room. - Pretty? - No, not really. Oh, well, what a pity. Shame, shame. Shit! - What's on TV tonight? - We don't have TV. - Well, congratulations to that! - I'm going to sleep, I'm beat. At this time? Let's go to town? Vésilly by night... Mademoiselle, we'd like to hang out a bit. What do you suggest? Well, it's nine PM, everything is closed. What's at the movies? I don't know, I'll ask Madame. Madam Tarrère, do you know what they're showing at the Caméo? It's... D r Shivago, b ut the movie has already started. As I've mentioned, we're not tired. How about a game, like Scrabble, for instance? - Oh, not a Scrabble! - A what? Scrabble is a game in which you form words out of the available letters. I don't understand. Our clientele consists mainly of agents. Tell me about it. If you like, I'll go get my son's Monopoly. Oh, yes! That's great! You'll see, Monopoly is hilarious. - Perfect, is the game interesting? - No. So, we'll be bored as hell. There, I'll buy Rue de La Paix, that'll hurt. I'm sure the casino is open? Shall we go? No, why don't you go, Michel. If you have seven, you'll get to me, it'll cost you. You'll owe me 60 000. Oh, no! The houses. Ah! I failed. I almost got you. - I'm done. You win. - No! You can still come back. You can keep playing alone, I'm going to sleep. Yes, playing Monopoly alone, thanks very much. You're not funny. For once we were having fun. There! Ha! We'll play dice to establish who takes the small and who takes the big bed. Take the big one, I don't care. Who will clean up? Yours truly. Who'll put you to bed? Hep, the dirty laundry. So, when do your fucking parents get back? You don't know? Nor do I. You can't stay here, we're already two in the room. And the other isn't exactly a doll. Is someone here? Give me 500 Francs. - What time is it? - Stop your moaning. Give me 500 Francs. What? Another sighting of a red dog. No. Look. - What? - The counter shows 83 138 km. - So? 83 138, a number you can read from left to right, and from right to left. - Yes, so? - That's all. Isn't that great? I bet 500 Francs that you don't know the next number that works in both directions. - No. - No? 83 238. - You owe me 500 Francs. - No, I didn't bet. Are you crazy? I'm sorry, it's because... I believed a bicycle... on the bridge. Of course I believe you, my love. How would I not believe you? But... But ... Oh, let me speak! Oh! That you... Yes! Wed... wednesday. But you must warn them. No, don't tell me... Ah! How I love you! Of course. Of course, I'll tell him. I promise, I'll tell him. If you wish, yes. The blue one, you'll wear the blue one, ok? A letter for Mortez? Michel. We have a reservation for one room. - Mr. Mortez. Hold on, I'll check. - Go, quick! Nothing on that name, I'm afraid. - What time does the mail come in? - 10 o'clock, Sir. Very well, we'll be gone. Michel, all is well, we have a room. - Michel Mortez... - Sir. From the radio. - There, Sirs. Is that all? - Yes, thank you. - What's happening, Michel? - I'm having a panic attack. Lay down for five minutes, it'll be over soon. Two beds, the night table in the middle, with golden ornamentations, the artwork, the tiny little bathroom, the shiny synthetique bedcover, the smell, the fucking smell! It's a hotel room. I don't see the problem. Rivetot, get me out of here. I can't breathe, I'll scream. Michel! Michel, can I ask you a question? Yes, go ahead. Is it true that you were Martine Carol's lover? Who told you this? Friends, at the radio. They say it, but nobody knows for sure. What do you think? I don't know. If they say it, it must be true. Have you been intimate with other actresses? Singers, Dancers? We weren't bored after the war. - We weren't bored. - I mean... - Those who were famous? - Also, yes. But you're too young. Do you dance? Huh? Don't you like dancing? I do, but, I mean, please... - Fine. Should we go? - Oh, no. You had too much to drink. Yes, but it doesn't mean I can't dance. You can drive, if you like. No, thanks. Be kind. Not tonight, I'm tired. You're not funny. We're always together, yet we hardly know each other. It's a funny feeling. A strange sensation. Yes, it's bizarre. We don't know each other, but we do like each other well. Sure, Michel. Sure. So, all is well. Come, on, Michel. It's three o'clock, I'm dead tired. Quarter to. Do you think that I can't read a watch? Close the door a bit, It's always open. If you don't go out, you'll get back by yourself. Get out! Get out already! Mortez isn't completely knackered yet. Have you combed through him yet? Well, no, no. He's still standing. You're still here? You're bonkers. You've already lost enough tonight. You don't know what you're doing. Hep! 50 000 Francs, 50 mil. Piss off! You're so dissapointing, when you're drunk. You're not throwing away 50 grand, are you? What does it look like, you little shit? I'm a lord. Lord Mortez. And Lord Mortez decided to have fun tonight? Chips! Chips, damn it! Chips! Give me chips! Lord Mortez is back. Change this, young man, Lord Mortez doesn't wait. - He's not usually like this. - "Not usually like this"? What do you know about how I am? I'm a lord, a prince! And you, Rivetot, are just a piece of shit. - Go on. - Come on, Michel! Roll it, youth. Enough! Come, on, Michel. We're going back, now. It's nice here, don't you think? Are you just coming through? I got you a coffee. Look out, it's hot. Not too chatty, your friend. Trust me, he's better when he's quiet. I see. Too snobbish to speak to a pump attendant - You know who it is, do you? - No, should I? - No, who is it? - Michel Mortez, t h e Cat's Tongue. What, the dork from the radio? He's still around? I didn't imagine him like this. But on the radio, you don't see his face. Isn't he tired of it, the same old shit since 20 years? No, he isn't tired of it. When you love your job, you can do it for a long time. Mortez is a real professional. That doesn't mean he can't speak to a pump attendant. - Should I check the oil? - No. You stick your nose into this motor, and I'll give you your due. You'll drown it if you keep going. I know her, one has to insist. She does that when she's hot. There, you see? - Safe travels. - Thanks. Hi. I don't believe it! - Huh? What? - Look at these idiots. - Where? - There, stop the car. I'll tell them they're idiots. They don't know it yet. Leave them alone, they don't bother anyone. I don't care, you can't be so stupid! If they want to eat on the side, it's their business. - Not everyone goes to restaurants. - That's not what I want. But I'm sure that 20 meters further, there's a meadow and all you need for a picnic. But no, they have to sit right on the road! They're idiots, I tell you. You know, Michel, it's your audience. I owe you for the success of this show, and my audience, who for over 20 years... No, 20 year, 25 years... follows, listens, encourages me. I'll drink a toast to your fidelity. Oh! Please. Please. With all those questions, you must know plenty? Oh, yes, of course. If you allow me, I've prepared some questions myself. In fact, I thought of sending them to the show. I'd like to try them on you. - You don't mind? - Not at all. "Which dancer, born in St. Petersburg in 1885, "naturalized british citizen, star of the russian ballet, "creator of Fokine's works" "and great interpreter of classical works?" 1885, you said? Attention, Mr Mortez, you only have 30 seconds. That's regrettable. Time's out. Are you giving your Cat's Tongue? Well, yes. Forgive me, I have no idea. It was Tamara Karsavina. - You didn't know. - The name sounds familiar. I hope you'll be luckier with the next question, which will be about egyptology. "Which name did pharao Amenophis the fourth pick.." - What time are you done? - Nine thirty. Are you doing anything later? A letter arrived this morning. I forgot to give it to you. It comes from the radio. It's for your friend. - I'm sorry - No worries. Do you know how much trouble fits into this small space? Aren't you afraid of anything? Do you want to earn 10 Francs? I'll entrust you with a mission. Secret. Here. Go. So, have you thought about it? I can treat you to a drink, if you want. So, he's bored, the man with the stopwatch. He's lost, all alone in this hole. He needs a friend. I love talking, so I figured... I won't save the world with my stopwatch. But with me, you could try to save it, ehi? No, I was just saying it. Not to chat you up. You're in good shape tonight. I love talking, too. I'll meet you outside, at nine thirty. Is that good? Yes, yes, that's good. Think about it before you answer, Mr Mortez. You can make no more mistakes you already gave two wrong answers? Do you think she's his wife? Well, I'd tend to think she is. Oh, no! Wrong again! This charming lady isn't the wife of our eminent notary. She's René Manguy's wife, our pharmacist. To restore yourself, tell us, who this charming creature is married to. Top. And go. Well, I think she is the wife of this gentleman.. - Mr Mortez, it can't be! You do it on purpose. I told you that our friend is already married with Madam. To my knowledge, he's not a bigamist! It was a trick. She isn't married, in fact, she's divorced. Excuse me. - I didn't want to hurt you. - Don't be sorry. You didn't know that you're invited to the idiot's club. Let's get up and continue our game in the hall. If you like dancing, I found this nightclub. Nice, we can have a drink. And I'll drive you home afterwards. Will you buy me a t-shirt and ask me to try it on? Sure, or not? You won't know how to leave, you'll beat around the bush. It'll be three in the morning, I'll be dead-tired. We'll win time. I'm in perfect shape now. And given that I live nearby it'll be quite easy. What's the stopwatch say about it? Mr Mortez, my friends and I were thrilled. - Call us... - That's it. Goodbye. They were happy to have us. They'll say: "Mr Mortez stayed here." "The one from the radio?" "Yes, he came for dinner." - This is the countryside. - I know that, I know. I'll drop you off. No, I'd like to get some air. I insist. Did you get off at William, the conquerer? William, the conquerer... Yes, that's it. It's the only decent hotel. The others stink. Really? Here you are. Good luck with tomorrow's show. - Thank you, goodbye. - Goodbye. Wake up the guardian. You can't sleep outside. Go ahead, there must be a back-entrance. No, wake him, that's what he's there for. Go on. Good night. Goodbye. - You'll laugh. - I don't think so. - It's the wrong hotel. - Huh? Wouldn't it be easier with the right address? Are you upset? It's ridiculous. I don't know what to say. Don't say anything. I was observing you during the dinner. You have something that intrigues me. How do you mean, "intrigue"? I have the feeling that you're very bashful, are you? No, it's true, women intimidate me. I don't believe you. Yes! In front of you, for example... I am shaken. Me, too! I like it, and you? Ah, yes. Your voice... I'm very sensitive to voices, naturally. And yours is very particular. I love it. I was sure you'd be different than your image. - That's not very nice. - No, why? I read your memoirs, you know? - Oh! That crap! - Why do you say that? No, I found it to be fast, original, rather well-written. You should write another one, you have talent. I'm a radio-man, you know, not a writer. I'm sure you're worth more than that. You deserve better than this traveling entertainer's life. And you know it, don't you? What do you know of me? You can't understand. I created this show. It was born with me and it'll die with me. Do you know how many listeners I have every day? More than 3 million. That astounds you, doesn't it? So, go back to putting notes into your books, instead of feeling sorry for me. Why are you like this? The villa. Maria, the maid? No. Bruno, the servant. The terrace that night. He was always wound up like a spring. [Man Continues In Italian] [Man Continues In Italian] [Men Conversing In Italian] [Conversation In Italian Continues] [Train Horn Honks] [Horn Honks] [Woman On P.A. In Italian] [Phone Ringing] [Speaking Italian] [Bruno Answers In Italian] [Bruno Continues In Italian] [Italian] I would like to speak with... With Mr. Creasy. Yes, Mr. Cre... [Silenced Gunshot] Who are you? Say somethin'. Say somethin', fuck! Who are you? [David] Hey! Say something! Ho! What's this? .38 special. Colt .45. Beretta 20 and 92. Minelli. Mini-Frags. Where we goin'? To fuckin' war? Huh? What, did you find somethin' out? Look. Those mug shots that the cops showed us... I'm gonna find one of those guys, And you're gonna help me find one of those guys. And... I'm gonna find out what he knows. And? And what? What if he don't know anything? What are you gonna do? You gonna kill him? Then you get another one. He don't know nothin'. You kill him. Get another one. Kill him. Keep goin'. Look at this old man over there. He don't know nothin'. We'll kill him. Kill everybody. What's the fuckin' difference? If you had a company, the sales, You'd know what's right and how to do it. Is that what you wanna do? Dave, what the fuck am I gonna do? You tell me. What am I gonna do? [Thunder Rumbling] Maria, don't disturb Signor Balletto. Could you please bring down my green bag from my room? Thank you. [Thunder Rumbling] Creasy. How are you, my friend? Will you come to sit down? No. Maria's bringing my bag down. Okay. May I take... No. I'm sorry. Thank you. [Creasy Narrating] David was right. I should have sent for my bag. I didn't need the pain of coming back. And so, guys like us... So, Bruno, you did have a conscience. [Man Speaking Italian] [Italian Continues] [Exclaims, Speaks Italian] [Italian] [Men Speaking Italian] [Men Speaking Italian Continues] [Brakes Screeching] [David] This place is great, ain't it? Nobody's been here for 20 years. [Creasy] Yeah. People don't even come here anymore. Now, that porno house is where that faggot Rabbia hangs out. Yeah. Elio clocked him. He goes there every night by himself. I want ya to see this. I found some old friends of ours. You recognize these fucking guys? [David Chuckling] Whatever you use, uh, I'll take the rest. I know you're not gonna take this. I'm takin' it. Does that one have fond memories for you? [David Chuckles] I'm gonna meet Elio and two of his bodyguards. They're gonna help us out. I don't know what they're gonna do. So don't make me wait long, huh? Huh? Just in case you have a problem with that sissy, give me a call. I'm mean, if you get hung up. I mean... Now, don't make me wait long, huh? No. [Man] This film is our last warning to the Balletto family. We would like to inform you... That the police refusal to let you pay the ransom... [Rabbia] Hey, bella. Open your eyes. Is unacceptable to us. [Rabbia] Look at the light! You are... Playing with your daughter's life. Don't look at us. If you do not meet our demand immediately... Nice smile, now. Okay? You will be responsible for the consequences. [Rabbia] Don't look at us. Did you understand? [Speaks In Italian] This is what I want you to send 'em. "This film is our last warning to the Balletto family." We would like to inform you that the police refusal to let you pay the ransom... Is unacceptable to us. "You are playing with your daughter's life." [Speaking Italian] [Grunts] [Thunderclap] [Water Dripping] [Actors Talking, Moaning On Screen] [Moans] [Seat Squeaks] Ciao. [Speaking Italian] [Chuckles] [Italian] [Italian] Open your mouth. [Italian] Open your mouth. Don't move. [Mumbles] [Gasps Softly] Listen. I'm going to ask you some questions. Until I get the right answers, I'm gonna start cutting the fingers off your hand. First one hand, then the next. Then all the toes on your feet. What kind of question? You know? Ask me. Okay. If you want. [Shouts] Hey! [Italian] [Shouting In Italian] Nobody can hear you. Rabbia. [Speaking Italian] That bloody bastard bodyguard? [Cursing In Italian] [Continues In Italian, Muffled] [Water Running] [Water Stops Running] Where is Samantha Balletto? I don't know. I don't know. [Speaks Italian] Sandri knows. Sandri. Who's Sandri? - The one. The other one works with me. - Where is he? Don't ask me, please. I want the kid back. Where the fuck is he? Near the Rialto bar. Where? Casconda, number five. Yeah, but Sandri is the right man you're looking for. I told him, "Don't touch la bambina. Don't do anything." But he wasn't listen to me. Oh, no. [Sighs] [Exhales] [Rabbia Speaking Italian] [Rabbia Grunts] [Exhales] [Rabbia Continues Speaking Italian] [Shudders] [Horn Blaring] [Laughing] [Speaking Italian] [Italian] [Knocks] [Italian] [Men Speaking Italian] [Italian Continues] [Grunts] No, no, I just wanna... [Speaks Italian] - [Creasy Grunts] - [Gasps] [Man Shouting In Italian] [Italian] [Gunshot] [Groans] [Grunts, Gasps] [Grunting] Where's the girl? [Speaks Italian] Which girl? Samantha Balletto. [Labored Breath] You're crazy. What are you doing? You blow house up? It wasn't me. [Italian] Don't do that! Stop that... See! You crazy. You die too! [Groans] I don't care. Conti. Conti? Yeah. Lolussa. He know where she is. He come to get to the other guy. Where is Conti? Stop... Stop that, okay? Where is he? Okay, okay, I tell you. Where is he? [Gasping] Where? Where? Via Rambaldi. - Via, what? Rambaldi. - Number nine. [Chattering] [Chattering Continues] [Laughing] [Speaking Italian] [Italian Continues] [Woman Screams] [Man] Sandri. [Speaks Italian] Sandri! [Italian Continues] [Women Scream] You see a guy with a limp? [Italian] [Men Shouting In Italian] [Onlookers Screaming] [Siren Wailing] Conti. Conti, listen. The American... he's looking for the kid. He's crazy. Sandri gave your name. He knows where you are. Don't move. I'll have some guys in front of your place in five minutes. [Grunting] [Groans] [Shutter Clicks] [Satta Speaking Italian] [Italian] [Italian] [Italian] Conti. Bravo. Magnifico. [Italian] [Thunder Rumbling] [Italian] [Speaking Italian] [Italian] [Shudders] [Shouting] [Shouting In Italian] [Horn Blaring] [Grunts] [TV: Announcer Speaking Italian] [TV: Announcer Continues] [Groaning] [Dog Barking, Faint] [Creasy Groaning, Gasping] [Door Opens] [Speaks Italian] What? [Groans] [Speaks Italian] [Creasy Groaning] [Woman Continues In Italian] I'm sorry. It's... It's a mistake. I-I'm sorry. [Grunts] [Gun Clatters] I'll kill you. No! [Muttering] Where's the kid? You want the Balletto kid? Yeah. She's okay. Yeah? No, don't worry. She's okay! I'll take you to her. I know where she is. Yeah? Yes. Take it easy. Uh-huh. Please, stay cool. Take me to her. Please, stay calm. [Woman Shouting] Shut up, Maria! I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to do it. But they wanted the money. Clean money. You're not gonna kill me, are you? Maria. I swear to God, I didn't want to do it! I swear to you! Now, she's been treated well. Look, I have kids too. She'll be happy to see you. You're Lennie. You're Lennie! She talks about you all the time. Lennie! That's you, right? You're Lennie! [Shouting] [Conti Shouts] Oh, my God. Hospital! [Coughs] Sam. Which way is Sam? Hospital! [Shouts] Which way is Sam? Hospital. First the kid! Then the hospital! I'll take you! I'll take you! Hospital. [Gasps, Sobs] [Tires Squealing] [Crying] How many guys? No... Nobody. Just a little kid who... who brings her food every night. Which truck? [Crying] I don't know. I swear, I don't know. Don't leave me, please. Please. Please, don't leave me. I told you everything I know. [Sobbing] She's here. Yes. Yes, she's here. Yes, I swear. [Sobbing Continues] Don't leave me. Take me to the hospital, please. [Sobbing] I don't wanna die. Please, take me. [Sobbing] Please! [Conti] Fucker! I'm gonna kill you, you fucker. You're gonna die. You're gonna die! Die! [Gunshots] [Horn Blaring] [Horn Blaring Continues, Stops] [Creasy Shouts] Sam! Sam! Sam. Sam! Sam! Sam! [Creasy Groans] Sam! Sam! Sam! [Pounding On Truck Door] [Creasy Shouting] Sam! [Grunts] Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam, are you in there? Sam! [Grunts] Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! [Thunder Rumbling] [No Audible Dialogue] [Creasy Narrating] And so, That was once upon a time when, for those I challenged, My death had to be. [Chattering In Italian] [Man] He's dead. Yeah. Five minutes ago. Try to get this in the street final, okay? An hour ago. Creasy. C-R-E-A-S-Y. He's dead. Creasy's dead. Scusi. Here's the text. Christian Creasy, ex-C.I.A. agent, Recipient of the highest award... [Italian] [Man Continues] died this morning at 5:45 a.m. With the compliments of the U.S. Embassy. From now on, he is Lennie Lazarus. [Woman] Oh, no. You're spoiling her. [Creasy] Dear Sam, I read your last letter. It came this morning. Sure, I'll be there next Sunday. David told me you're doing well. And we can spend the afternoon together. Guys like us have a lot to talk about. The weather's been good here the last few days. Like you, I've been resting, Looking at the sea. See ya Sunday, Sam. You might be able to take her for a walk... Love, Lennie. On the beach. Hey. Mr. Lazarus? Please, don't tire her too much. Hi, Sam. Connect me with the Bannermen leader. Gavrok here, go ahead. I understand you're offering a reward for the Chimeron queen. Affirmative. One million units. I've found her. She's at a place called Shangri-La, in south Wales, Western hemisphere, Earth. Now, lock into this signal to guide you in. The reward will be yours when we arrive. End transmission. -Thank you. -What for? For lending me your dress. For making an effort to be kind. Aw, I'd help anyone in trouble if I could. Mel, there's something you should know. What an unexpected bonus. You're the traveller in time they call the Doctor. -Your death will make me richer still. -If you kill for money, let the girl go. She's worth nothing to you. I don't just kill for money. It's also something I enjoy. My bounty hunter will be paid off sooner than he thinks. Arm the beacon hunter. My life's at risk. I'm going to trust you. And I think you deserve a full explanation. I think you'd better close the door. # You are my honey, honey, honeysuckle # I am your bee # Good morning! What a beautiful morning it is. Sure is. By the way, have you seen anything weird fall out of the sky? Oh, dear me, no. I've seen many things fall out of the sky, but nothing which could be described as weird. What about lights? Anything like that? Oh, there are strange lights in the night sky all the time. Not just the Aurora Borealis, mind, but low pulsing lights on occasions and low shooting stars. Uh-huh. Um, anything in the last day or so? I shall ask my bees. They know everything that happens. Sure. Well, I reckon we've taken up enough of your time. If you stayed a bit longer, young man, you might understand. Take a look at this butterfly. Arguably, one of the most beautiful creatures in the whole of nature. Yet, if you were to see a pupae, you'd think it was the ugliest sight you've ever seen. But you can't have one without the other. And so I'm the last Chimeron queen. My planet is right now in the grip of the invaders. My people are dead. Poor Mel's exhausted. I think we'd better let her get some sleep. Billy, I feel like a walk. Sure. The hills around here are beautiful. -We can go somewhere really special. -But I can't walk too far with the baby. Ah, I never said anything about walking. -What is it? -She's a Vincent. My pride and joy. -Ooh! My head. -Do you feel all right? Nothing hurt or broken? Hmm? But what happened to that guy with the gun? I'm afraid he was paid in kind. You see this signal beacon? It exploded from the inside. Obviously the Bannermen locked into his signal and fired off a high-impulse beam right along his transmission track. So they...they killed him? I'm afraid so. Ionised. And this is all that's left of him? Yes. A poignant reminder that violence always rebounds on itself. But we must warn the others that an attack is imminent. # Mi mi # Good morning. Let's start with a song. # When the red, red, robin comes bob, bob bobbin' along # Mel, Mel! Are you all right? Oh, nothing a good night's sleep wouldn't cure. Well, I'm afraid that'll have to wait. Do you know where Delta and Billy have gone? Well, they didn't tell me. Billy was taking her to some beauty spot, I think. Well, we've got to find them as quick as we can. And organise an evacuation of the camp. The Bannermen are on their way. I'll get Murray to organise the tour party. Good. But they'll be one short. -He was ionised. -Yes. But I must try and find Delta and Billy. Do you know where they might be, Ray? Well, there are a couple of beauty spots in the area we could try. And also a few special places only known to Billy and me. Well, we're gonna have to keep looking for them until we find them. But first we must convince Burton to evacuate the camp. Mel, you find Murray. -Ray, come with me. -Right. Whoa! You're a bit of a heavyweight, aren't you? The most rapid growth occurs in the lymphoid state. She'll double her size and her weight in the next few hours. Come on. Now, let me try and get this right. Now, are you telling me that you're not the Happy Hearts Holiday Club from Bolton, but instead are spacemen in fear of an attack from some other spacemen? And, because of the danger, you want me to evacuate the entire camp? An excellent summary, Mr Burton. Now, if you start right away then we'll be able to get them to safety. Oh, well, if that is all that is needed, it should be easy. Oh, and by the way, can we have space buns and tea afterwards? Or don't they drink tea on Mars? I thought you might be a little sceptical. What can I do to convince you? Aw, it's just a waste of time, Doctor. Listen, Mr Burton, if you don't act right away, innocent people will die! I will do whatever I can to convince you I'm not suffering from some sort of delusion. All right, Doctor. How about showing us your spaceship, eh? Oh, can I come, too, Doctor? Of course, but let's go quickly. Murray! Murray, wake up! Murray! -What's the matter? -There's an emergency, Murray. We have to get ready to leave as soon as the bus is fixed. What kind of emergency? The Bannermen warfleet's on its way. -You stay there, I'll get changed. -Okay. It's called a TARDIS. An acronym for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. -Really? -Mmm. Couldn't we take it for bit of a spin, Doctor? Yes, with pleasure, but first things first. -We must clear the camp. -Right. Everybody out! Attention! Attention! Everybody out! Listen! Everybody out! Now, look! We should quickly pack and then wait at the bus until we're ready to leave! Well, what's the big rush, Murray? It's nice here. Truth is, there's a Bannermen warfleet on its way here. Nice and easy, folks! Don't panic! Nice and easy! Nice and easy! Don't panic! I see you've got everything under control, Murray. We must go and see the crystal. If it's ready, then you must leave! You won't see me for dust, Doctor! Good morning, everyone. This is a matter of some urgency. Could all staff, without exception, assemble in my office immediately. Could all employees... It's almost re-grown. Just another half hour. And then you've gotta leave, whether I come back or not. -Back from where? -I've got to find Delta. Mel, you stay here and organise things. Come on, let's go, Ray. -Take care of the crystal! -Count on me, Doctor! And I called you all here at such short notice because we are facing a crisis. Now, what I would like you all to do is to go back to your chalets and pack whatever you need for one night. I have already ordered a bus to take us all away from here. You will spend the night in Llandridnod Wells and return in a day or so. Any questions? -Splendid. -I don't normally like running away, sir. What's up? Ah, well, it's because we're facing an... It's because, well, we are in danger, you know, of... Well, it's top secret. I've got a man here now from the Ministry of Defence, -so, look sharp, will you? -Are you staying, sir? Well, of course, they would have to drag me away from here, eh? Then I'll stay, too, Major. Thank you, Vinny, but you will all have to go. That noise she makes, it's almost like singing. It's partly a song and partly a defence mechanism. Against the Bannermen. -Did you come here with Billy often? -We called it Fern Dell. We used to play here as children. But I don't see his bike anywhere. -Could it be hidden? -Oh, no. Not the Vincent. It's just too big. Well, they're not here. Come on! Come on! Go on now! Fortunately, they didn't have much packing to do. -How's the crystal coming? -I'm trying to use mind power to make it grow faster, but I haven't had much luck. I'm doing this with grave misgivings, but I cannot risk my staff for it. -Just like a captain, Mr Burton. -Major, actually. I am still not sure what I saw in that police box, but I cannot risk my staff for it. You're doing the right thing. She's somewhere in that quadrant. It's a pity we had to destroy the beacon when we killed that mercenary. We'll have to scan the whole area until we find some trace of advanced technology emissions. I don't know much about crystalline structures, but that looks about cooked. Yes, it looks ready to me, Mel. Well! Here goes. Oh, this is the end of the road, Doctor. I don't know where else to try. Ah! These tyre marks are of a heavy motorcycle and sidecar. Come on. If I can get the hatchling safely to the Brood planet, then I can take my case to judgment. They will then send an expeditionary force to get rid of Gavrok and his Bannermen. Well, I'll do whatever I can to help, Delta. It's Ray and The Doctor. They're sure in a hurry. The Bannermen! Oh, thank heavens! -Why is everyone in such a lather? -Found you at last. -Gavrok? -Yes. We overheard the space mercenary give the position of the camp. -There's a price on your head. -Yeah? Well, where is this guy? I reckon we've got a score to settle. He's been ionised! Murray's fixing the bus. It shouldn't be long. Then you can leave. So we got to go back, now! Transmitter identified. Triangulate and set course. Ain't no use, Weismuller. There's nothing out there! I don't wanna be an old "I told you so", but if you had listened to me before... Hey, Weismuller, you think that's it? Well, I don't know. I ain't never seen a satellite before. I always thought that they'd be smaller, somehow. Look, I don't know what's going on around here, but I think we better get out of here real fast. Halt! Hi, there. We weren't going anywhere. Where is the Chimeron queen? Beats me, chief! Hey, that's the property of Uncle Sam. Where is he? Your Uncle Sam. No, you don't understand! Boy, you sure get sore real quick. I will lead the main party. You two, guard them. Come. Well, we're all gassed up and ready to go. -Then you must leave at once, Murray. -What about The Doctor and Delta? We can follow you in the TARDIS, wherever you go. I know, but I feel bad about leaving you here. It's your last chance to hitch a ride. No, I made an arrangement, I'd better stick to it. Thanks anyway. Well, it's time to get the show on the road. As they say around here, "See you later, alligator!" In a while, crocodile. -Bye! -Bye! Bye-bye! So, one of them escaped. You killed all those innocent people. Was the Chimeron queen amongst them? Yes. Yes, she's dead. Would you lie? You saw what happened to the bus, no one could have survived that! The Chimerons are finished! Bannermen! Attack! -No! -You lied! Stop! It would be extremely foolish of you to kill her. Keep her as a hostage. She's far more use to you alive. Kill any other survivors. Tie these two up. They will not be hostages, but bait. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! He's not following us. Mel is still in there, Doctor, and Burton. My immediate objectives are to set them free and find Delta and the baby somewhere safe. -Can you hear something? -I can't hear anything. Those marks behind her ear are high frequency antennae. What are you picking up? It's not clear, but it's coming from down there. There's nothing there, except old Goronwy's place. -Does he keep bees? -Yeah. How did you know that? It's his bees who are telling us to come. Quick! You think they would? No, I don't think they would. -I wonder if you could help us... -Of course, of course! -I am Goronwy. -Oh, and I am The Doctor. Oh, there you are. Have some of that, lovely. Is it possible for these people to stay with you for a few hours? Yes, of course. Come inside and have a cup of tea. Come along. There we are. Take it. She likes a bit of honey. I'm gonna have to leave at once. I wonder if you could lend me a pillowcase and a broom handle. -Oh, I should think so. -Splendid! Oh, Billy. May I borrow your bike? All right, Doctor. But try and be careful though, won't you? I'll treat it as if it were the TARDIS. How dare you? The white flag is the accepted signal for truce throughout the civilised universe! You may think that might is right, but I can assure you, you won't get away with it. Who will stop me? You? With your puny flag? And your appeals to fair play and justice, huh? I spit on your justice. Your charm is only matched by your compassion. Why should I not kill you, right now? Because you're in enough trouble already, Gavrok. Release those prisoners and I will testify that you showed some mercy. Testify? You'll never get me to trial. I agree to differ. But you should know that Delta has sworn a statement alleging invasion and genocide of the Chimerons. You will be brought to account, Gavrok, and made to pay for your actions. Give me Delta and I will give you your life. Life? What do you know about life, Gavrok? You deal in death. Lies, treachery, and murder are your currency. You promise life, but, in the end, it will be life which defeats you. You have said enough. I've traversed time and space to find the Chimeron queen. -I will not be defeated. -As you will. I came here under a white flag and I will leave under that same white flag. And woe betide any man who breaches its integrity. Now, step aside! Release those prisoners! Gavrok, it's over! You're finished! And we're leaving. Run, run, run. He's gonna get you. Good, he's dead. It's semiconscious Keith. Hi, ugly. - Hi, honey. How was work? - All right. You still haven't told me when you're gonna cut your hair. I got it cut, Mom. Mom, you're flapping your lips in vain. Keith vacated. Keith! Keith, is that you? - Yep. - Hey, pal. Been checking out some colleges. Dad, you going to college? That's great. If I'd gone to college, I wouldn't be selling tires six days a week. That's what you're gonna be doing if you don't get with the program. Come here. Take a look a these. Bunch of new ones came in the mail. "Co-ed Phys Ed." Can I do this later? Jesus, Keith, I-- I'm not trying to break your back here, pal. I know. I just want you to think about your future. You got a shot to be the first guy in this family... who didn't have to wash his hands after a day's work. "Co-ed Phys Ed." Hey. I'm looking for that song about the guy that killed himself... for the girl that hated his guts. Do you know what song I'm talking about? Do you understand the concept of the word "privacy"? Yes, I do, and that's why I never let anyone in my room. Get out of here before I throw your ass out my window. - God, are you in a nice mood today. - I said, get out. Is this a side effect of being massively unliked or what? I get a black-and-blue mark, you're dead! Mom! Look at it. You see what he did to me? Get your head out of the light. Sweetheart, I can't say that I see anything. I'm sure it hurts. Mom, then you need some glasses. At this point, if I wanted to lie out I could not wear a bathing suit. You know, exposing your skin to sunlight will make you old before your time... and eventually you'll look like an albino raising. - Thank you, Cindy. - My pleasure. - Stay out of his room. - Yeah. And you... see me if you've got a problem with her before you start roughing her up. What right does she have to break into my room? And I did not rough her up. I have practically no feeling left in the upper part of my arm. Drop it! You know, that suggests a circulatory problem. I'd put more fiber into my diet and spend less time on the phone. - Shut up, please. - It's my pleasure. I wish just once you guys could experience the humiliation... of having the weirdest guy in a huge school be a blood relative. Your father said drop it. This whole family revolves around Keith, and I'm sick of it. Laura, that is absolutely not true, and you know it. Excuse me. Honey, you haven't finished your dinner. You know, I don't think I've had a balanced meal here. I think I'm missing one of the important food groups. Hey, Keith, what about these colleges? I expect an answer. Did you get your eight essential vitamins today? Are you aware of how close that was? Come on, Mr. Sunshine. Skill beyond skill. Technique. Imagine what I can do when I get my driver's license back. Don't you have any books? No, not on me. I forgot 'em. You never study. You must be getting heat from the old man about college again. That's all he thinks about. Well, it's probably better to have an old man nagging you about your future... than no old man not nagging you about nothing. Things aren't too great at home, huh? Hey, it don't matter. As long as you stand by me, I'm covered. Where would I be without you? Seeing as I drive you to school every morning, you'd probably be at home... asleep in bed. Do you mind? Very much so. I think it's hip you paint. I think it's hip I drum. Hip. It's perfect that we're friends. You know, I'm beginning to think-- Oh! That's original. How long you been pulling that one? - Watts. - No, wait. How long have you been a lesbian? Excuse me? You have a little bit too much up front to be a guy, so you must be a lesbian. I beg your pardon. You know, a little too much breastage here-- Shut up! You faggot. Come on! That's enough. Break it up. That's enough. - Animal! - Clear out. Wimp. Oh, sweetheart-- See, wait a minute, okay? They jumped me. Why don't you nail them? I didn't do anything. Those aren't mine. Oh, man, that's just for show. I don't-- It's like, those were a gift from your wife. You just got detention, mister. For what? For what? Come on. We'll talk about it in detention hall. What's this? Isabella of Spain. Women who rule. Are we getting feisty? What? Yo, are you sitting down? No, I'm walking down the hall. Why? - I've got some bad news for you. - What? It's unconfirmed, but I got it from a reliable source. - What? - I think your father's in school. Has Keith decided on a school yet? We're zeroing in on a few. Well, he indicated to me that he was interested in a couple of art schools. I don't think that's gonna happen. Comes out of an art school, what's he qualified to do? I'm looking for a good business program. I think he has a good head for business. Well, the indications I've gotten... are that he's more creatively inclined. Fine. But we're looking for a business school. He can be creative in his spare time. How's he doing otherwise? Fine. Grades holding up okay? Very well. Well... thanks for the help. Call me any time you have a question. Don't hesitate. I will. Thank you. I appreciate it. You're welcome. Keith Nelson. Could I ask you a question about number five on... page three? Hi, honey! Could I go to the nurse? Trust is the basis of any relationship. I trust you. Now, I want you to stay close, but not too close. You back off when I say. Okay? Do both your parents work? Yeah? Well, maybe I'll stop by one day after school this week. Amanda. Hi. Wanna go to your place? What's wrong? - Do you mind? - Yes. I wanna know what's wrong. She's a friend of my little sister. Her brother was in a car accident and she's a little upset. I know you're coming. Why would I be trying to make it with another girl? How can you be so beautiful and so insecure at the same time? Trust is the basis of any relationship. I trust you. I want to give you this. Now go get the car and I'll meet you out front. Hey, hey, whoa, don't. That belongs to the slumlord that owns this place. It's his pride and joy. Pretty sick. How does it feel to stand under a real Mercedes-Benz? About the same as standing under a Ford. Why? Do you get off on it? Can I ask you a question? You know a girl named Amanda Jones? In school? - What about her? - What do you think of her? Rat bait. Why? -Just curious. - What about? Her. Who she is. Because she's beautiful, right? Guys are so sickening. Really, it must be a drag to be a slave to the male sex drive. I didn't say anything about sex. Oh. Want to start a book club with her? I didn't say I wanted to do anything with her. I just think she's interesting. Don't go mistaking paradise for a pair of long legs. What's that mean? Don't go roaming where you don't belong. It's just an opinion. I express an interest in someone I don't even know, and you're getting tense. This is not tension. This is reason. The way this girl and her big money, cruel heart society spit on everyone... is not interesting, it's pathetic. She's not big money. Do you know where she lives? Yeah, in our sector. But she runs with the rich and the beautiful... which is guilt by association. This is getting stale. You calling out for food? No. You can call if you want. Don't you ever eat at home? I don't like to eat alone. Amanda Jones? Forget about it. It's nothing. It's not important. You couldn't score her in a million years. "A," you're too shy and closed up to even approach her... and "B," she'd kill you. Chicks like her have one thing on their mind... and you don't make enough of it to matter to her. You can't judge a book by its cover. Yeah, but you can tell how much it's gonna cost. That's deep. You want shallow, call Amanda Jones. Speak of the she-devil. Could you fill it up? Super unleaded. Check the oil. - Can you turn off your engine, please? - My pleasure. Be nice, or I'll make you check the tires. So, this is what you do for a living, huh? I'm sorry. My hand slipped. - Would you cut it out. - Mind your own business. -You like looking at my girlfriend, huh? -Shut up, Hardy. What? He likes looking at you. Sorry. I'd recommend you keep your eyes and your mind off my property. Here's ten for gas and ten for the look. Oh, Amanda Jones. Right this way, please. I'd say excusing yourself from class... and leaving the school grounds with the boy with the hot car... buys you... two weeks of morning detention. Well, we were just talking. If all you wanted was talk, you could've gotten that without leaving school. What are you saying, Mrs. Albright? Nothing that hasn't been said before. Now get inside. - Get inside. Read my lips. Go. - It's not fair. Welcome. Is this detention? Actually, it's your mother's house... and we're all having a party. You really shouldn't cut classes, even if it's just gym class. It's incredibly nice of you not to make me sit down there with those guys. I felt kind of weird being the only girl. I suppose it wouldn't matter if you served out your detention in my office. Oh, well, I had a better idea. I was kind of wondering if I wouldn't have to serve detention at all... if I promised I'd never ever do it again. We'll keep this just between you and me. Oh, you're incredibly sweet, Mr. Sauner. And I love the way you wear your hair. - Really? - Yeah, it's great. - All the girls say it. - No. Yeah. It's true. You're the best driver's ed teacher there is. Thank you. Thanks very much. Sure. Bye-bye, Amanda. Bye. Amanda Jones doesn't know you... doesn't care about you. You're trying to jerk off the impossible. How many times do I have to tell you this? I don't know. How many times? Do you know what kind of a guy Hardy is? Handsome, rich... muscular, popular, hot, happening... and capable of reducing your head to a crimson stain on the wall. Hardy's a jerk. He screws around on her, he treats her like dirt, he has no respect for her. And obviously she gets off on it. You're losing it. And when it's lost, all you are is a loser. You obviously don't know how I feel, so why don't you just butt out of this. I know how you feel. Oh, you do? Really? You've been in love before? There's a lot of things you don't know about me. Really? Who have you ever been in love with? Huh? You want to abuse yourself, be my guest. Hey, Watts, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Keith, once a fool, always a fool. Right? Are those boys' underpants? Yeah. So? So, I've just never seen a girl wearing boys' underpants before. You ever seen a girl with a drumstick shoved up her nose? - Oh, is that some kind of a threat? - It's some kind of a warning. I'm petrified. Really. Don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine. I've done this before. There's Amanda. Hi. - Hardy, I've had about enough of this. - What? What? If you were more of a person, you might be enough for two girls, but you're not. Yeah? Well, this jealousy crap is really getting a bit tedious. Yeah, well, you won't have to deal with it anymore. - What does that mean? - Get out of my way. No, no, not until we straighten this out. It's not gonna work anymore, Hardy. Yeah? You walk out on me, where you gonna go? You got a minute? - What do you want? - Well... I wanted to know if maybe you wanted to go out... with me. But if it's too difficult a time, then I understand. So you're asking me out on a date? - Bye. - Bye! - So, what did he want? - He asked me out. - What did you say? - I said yes. She's just mad. Why are you smiling? I wasn't aware that I was smiling, but if it bothers you I can stop. It's just that you haven't smiled much lately. I was curious about the change. Well, I haven't had that much to smile about, Clifford. - You have a beautiful smile, young man. - Thank you, Carol. She's Mom. I'm Dad. And you're nuts. This is not true. It can't be. This has got to be the most hilarious rumor ever floated. - Right? - What are you talking about? Last night I hear everybody talking about how Keith has asked this girl out. - No way. - Check it out. This girl is popular, she's beautiful... and obviously in the middle of some emotional shootout... to consent to date the human tater tot. What did you do to her, Keith? Threaten her life? I just asked her out. Well, her boyfriend's a man, for Christ's sake. Hey, hey, hey. He's extensively easy on the eyes, he's a total buck, and you're-- you're... Keith. Is she nice? Mother, the girl is sex. For God's sake, I'm eating! Glad you got time to think about the girls. Between the girls and your art kick, you have no time for anything important. You'll be dead and buried before you get off your butt and apply to a college. Ease up, Dad. Any fool can get into a college. Only a precious few may say the same about Amanda Jones. Am I wrong? - Mom, what kind of milk is this? - If you don't like milk, drink juice. It's none of your business. What, Keith? What did you say? That's what my girlfriend would look like without skin. And while we're on the topic of the double-breasted party machine... congratulations on your latest coup, yeah. You know about Amanda Jones? How? You think I live here? I have a personal life too, man. How did you swing that one? I don't know, Duncan. I asked her out, she said yes, we're gonna-- Any time somebody from the outside lifts a woman from a "gwat" like Jenns... we can all find cause to rejoice. - I'm proud of you. - "Gwat"? Punch her apron one time for me, huh? Do you want me to feel you up or anything? Do you want to die young? - What kind of question is that? -Just sit here and shut up. You don't have a boyfriend, do you? See, a lot of guys I know think that you're-- What? Confused. But I know it's just an act. Do you know how I know? Enlighten me. 'Cause you radiate this sexual vibe. And if you wanted to, you could be a girl like that. Ray, this is 1 98 7. Did you know that a girl can be whatever she wants to be? I know. My mom's a plumber. That explains a lot about you, Ray. And I have an enormous amount of respect for her. -Just sit here and act like you like me. -Okay. That'll be absolutely no problem. Hello. Keith, hi. What's up? Are you busy now? Oh, no. We were just talking. Why? 'Cause I would like to borrow your car. If you have something to do, I can come back and pick you up. But can I borrow your car? Well, where are you going? I'd like to give Amanda a ride home. Hey, by the way, congratulations, dude. She's smokin'. All right. Thanks. Is that okay? I'd appreciate a couple bucks for gas. Sure. I'll come back in about an hour? It's just time. Not like it means anything. Thanks. So, you gotta wait around an hour? If I want to. Do you know how much damage we could do to each other in an hour? It's kind of a revolting thought, actually. Really? What's "revolting" mean? - Oh, my God. Get your hands off me. - Does it mean you wanna come over? For spring break? Are you out of your mind? That's it, I'm taking you to Aspen. No, I'll take you to Chile. - Amanda. Hello. - Hi. Would you like a ride home? Well, I'm going home with Shayne. Shayne, this is Keith. Keith, Shayne. Well, I was just hoping we could talk. Why don't you call me? Okay. Why don't you go with him? Okay, I'm sorry. Where's your car? Well, I'll pull around. Okay. Thanks a lot. - What? - You made me look really stupid. I did not. He's giving you the perfect opportunity to back out. He wants to talk, so tell him you're back with Hardy. - I'm not back with Hardy. - Okay, then tell him you used him. - I didn't use him. - Oh, really? You didn't use him to get away from Hardy? It wasn't deliberate. I was mad, and he stepped in. - It was bad circumstances. Okay? - Okay. Regardless, the longer you wait to kill it, the worse it's gonna be. You saw his face. I mean, he's completely deluded. Unless, of course, you're really interested in him. Please, please. The car won't start. Wait, wait, wait. Shayne. Shayne! Look, I gotta get home. I really do. I'm sorry. No, I understand. That's fine, that's fine. I'll see you later. Can I have a ride? What happened to Prince Charming? Come on. - It's okay? - Come on! - There's no door. - Get in. - Are you in? - Yes. So, where are we going? Home. - Where's that? - "D" Street. It's around the corner from-- under the bridge from my house. Those are nice earrings. Oh, thank you. They're not mine. I borrowed them from Shayne. They're real. What? Amanda, isn't there something you wanted to say to-- I'm sorry. What's your name again? - Keith. - Oh, yeah, Keith. You wanna back out of the date? No- - I mean, if you want out, I'll understand. I wouldn't have asked you out if I didn't want to go. I don't want out. Do you? No. It's the white house on the left. - Well, thank you. - My pleasure. - You okay? - Yeah. - Bye. - Bye. Thanks. Well, that was swift. I gave you a perfect window to throw him out of, and you went limp. Look, maybe you can do something like that, but I can't. At least not in cold blood. Then I guess you got yourself a new boyfriend. Hi, guys. Did you come by to see my brother? Oh, my God. What? No. I mean, we just dropped him home. He told you we live here? He is so modest. He kills me. I suppose he didn't mention anything... about our ancestral estate in Scotland... or our apartment in Paris. So modest. Hi, ass-face. - I just saw your girlfriend out front. - Did she say anything to you? Well, that's for me to know and you to find out. - Mom! Let go! - Tell me! Look, how far are you going? - The nearest gas station. - Oh. Wonderful. How far is that? Russia or something? Don't worry about it. You're young. Not anymore. Look, you'd better give me your phone number after this. - How you doing? - All right. - You nervous about something? - No. No. - You look nervous. You okay? - I'm fine. Do you always come to school this early? - No. Do you? - Never. So why today? I wanted to talk to you. About? Not about art. Look, I'm totally cool with the situation. I was looking for a way out of the thing with Amanda. You saved me a tough talk. I'm supposed to believe this, right? It's true. I don't want Amanda hating me. I don't want anybody hating me. So I'd appreciate you doing me a favor. I don't know your plans for Saturday, but I'd like you to swing by my place. I'm having a party. My parents are in Europe. You're inviting me to your house? Yeah, I invited a lot of people. Is something wrong? - Gee, I don't know. You tell me. - There's nothing wrong on my end. You got an inferiority complex or something? I've known Amanda a long time, and I'd like to keep it that way. If it's too much to ask you to bring her to a party, hey, I'm sorry I asked. Put yourself in my position. This doesn't sound too good. Put yourself in my position. I invite a former girlfriend and the guy who stole her from me to a party. You think this makes me look good? I've taken a lot of shit over this. That's why I'm a little cautious about your motives. I'll buy that. Come on. It's a party. It's not the end of the world. Are you being straight with me? Do you see any reason at this point why I should play games? Well, I'll-- - I'll talk to Amanda about it, but-- - I've already talked to her. - She's fine with it. - You talked to her? Really? Well, we'll drop by, then. Good. You know, it wouldn't be the weirdest thing in the world... if you and I actually turned out to be friends. Yes, it would. See you. - Got a coat and tie? - No. See you Saturday. You took the words right from my lips Without askin' I played this scene before And I won't be the one left cryin' And if you think that love's for sale Well, I'm not buyin' Once you've crawled on the floor you can't find it no more 'Cause I'm all out of love I can't take no more Still awake at night and I call your name Dreamin'of you Awake at night Always the same I call your name but you slip right through Since when do your parents let you go clubbing on school nights? I'm waiting for Amanda. Here? She's coming here? On a school night? Did I miss something? Is there a new world order? Look, if you're gonna bug me and make me feel bad, can you do it later, please? She said she'd meet you here? Not in those words. In any words? Maybe she didn't have ID. Who doesn't have ID? Maybe she doesn't like you as much as you think. Maybe. Do you miss me, Keith? Do you miss not being around me? This isn't the third grade anymore. She doesn't love you. It's a joke. It's all a joke. How do you know? I'd bet my hands on it. You don't wanna make that bet. Yeah, I do. I've been thinking a lot lately about you and me... and I came to a conclusion that I didn't want to deal with. But now that we've talked I can't hide it anymore. We'd get along much better if we didn't spend so much time together anymore. Why? Because I'm driving you crazy and you're driving me crazy. And I'd rather not see you and have you think good things about me... than have you see me and hate me. 'Cause I can't afford to have you hate me, Keith. The only things I care about in this goddamn life are me and my drums... and you. Adios. Wait. Watts. It's ten after. Mrs. Albright's gonna kill me. Get lost, Hardy. You still mad at me? Can we talk? Please? Oh, this is cute. - I wanna talk to you. - It's too late. - I've been in agony over this. - I doubt it. - How can I convince you I love you? - Start by leaving me alone. I'm late. You're going out with a low-life just to hurt me. It's working. It hurts. Okay? Is that why you're trying to convince me to go to your house? So you can prove what a stud you are by beating him up? - Where did you hear that? - Give me a little credit. True, I invited him, but not to beat him up. To show you what a good loser I am. You're not a good loser. You're just a loser, period. What is this? What is this? I am talking to Amanda. Could I please have two minutes to finish? Thank you. - What is your name? - Do you mind? There is nothing here that I have not seen before. Can I drive you home, please? What is your name? Hardy Jenns, with two N's. All right? All right, that's it. Get out. Go on, out. I really appreciate this, lady. Be a bitch, why don't ya? Consider yourself reported. Now get out of here. Your reputation's hanging in the balance here. You play me around, and you're gonna have a real lonely year. So I hear. Look, I am not playing. Just get out of here. Amanda, may I see you for a minute, please? I'm his sister, so if you're a brother or a sister, you're in. It's like they have to accept you, or the whole social structure caves in. - You get to go to parties? - Of course. I'm probably going to the one Saturday at Hardy Jenn's. Keith's bringing Amanda, so we might double. - Who'd go out with you? - The choices are limitless. Can we go too? Eventually, yeah, if you stay cool. You're lying. Oh, really? Yeah. If you're so tight with Hardy, why aren't you over there with them? Because I'm here with you, twerp. Maybe you're here because you're false. Is this a challenge or something? Yeah. Look, I was hanging with you fungi in a vain effort to cool you out... but all I am getting is breeze... so "c'est la vie." She's a liar. Her brother loathes her. He'd never let her play with his rep. Amanda has to bring him. What else can she do? - Not bring him. - She can't take the pressure. She'll bring him. The party will go down as expected. Amanda will blow in with her guy, and we'll nail him. Then we'll go back to business as usual. It's real simple. All right? Hey, Laura, what happened? They send you for beer? I guess you just wouldn't be you if you knocked before breaking into my room. I'm sorry, Keith. I thought if I knocked, you wouldn't open up. - I want to talk to you. - Well, this should be interesting. I heard something today at the mall. Hardy Jenns and his guys were there, and I heard them talking about you. What's your point, Laura? Keith, it's a joke. Amanda Jones, the date, the party, the whole thing. It's a joke. She's only going out with you so she can get you to Hardy Jenns's house... so he can mess you up. I heard Hardy say it, Keith. I heard him myself. It's true. You're not kidding? It's a joke? Yeah. Keith, I'm sorry. For everything. You're getting really good. Thanks. I'm working on it. Your brothers don't mind you playing this late? I don't know. I never asked. To what do I owe this honor? I have a little problem. You know how you told me the thing with Amanda was a joke? Yeah. Well... it is a joke. You mean a joke, as in a joke on you? Yep. Laura heard Hardy talking about it. Amanda's supposed to get me over to Hardy's house... and they're gonna pound me. It's a good thing you found out about it. I'm not afraid of him. - You're gonna go through with this. - I have to. You think it's just Hardy? If he's gonna get me, he's gonna get me. It doesn't have to be at this party. He's gonna have lots of chances. I'm not gonna hide from him. - Leave it alone. - I can't. Why? Because I want to stand up to him. Well, forget it. It's impossible. In another year you're gone. It's better to swallow pride than blood. You don't think that. I don't believe for a second you think that. I'm not giving in to them anymore. Not for another year or another minute. I get it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was so tough on you. Me too. You always hurt the ones you love. So, when are you beating the shit out of Amanda Jones? Amanda! Oh, sorry. What time do you want me to pick you up Saturday? You have to check with your friends to see when you can go out? No, I just-- It's a simple question. When? Pick me up anytime you want to. 7:30? If that's a problem, then call me. Oh, I hate Mexico. I'd much rather go to the Virgin Islands. - We're going to Aspen over Christmas. - I said hi. Oh, Aspen's okay, but there's really nothing much to do at night. What is this? Yeah, it's mostly private parties. I had a good time there last spring. - Shayne. - Spring is completely different. There's so many more college people. True. But what's in the Virgin Islands? Are you kidding me? Try a million guys. So this is it, right? I'd go anywhere if I could bag the family and be on my own. Thanks. I had my parents almost talked into letting me go to Ricky's in Santa Fe. She's gone. See you. How's it feel to be carrying all that cash in your pocket? Well, a little uncomfortable. Yeah. Want me to tell you one more time that I think you're crazy? Nope. - Been hoarding that cash for years? - Yep. How bad's your dad gonna ream you? You won't be able to measure it with existing technology. He's a miser, right? No, it's just real important to him that I go to college. 'Cause he didn't go. Exactly. Hey, I just rag on you a lot about your parents because I'm jealous. It's gotta feel good to have someone looking out for you like he does. Sometimes. Still gonna kill you, though, right? Yeah. Is it her body or her face? Amanda? I don't know. It's everything. My grandmother told me when I grew up I'd have big boobs. What happened? I guess I just got lucky. Hey, I got some great news today, pal. You know those "T" bills at the B of A at six and three-quarters percent? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They're at seven. - That's great. - You know what that means? It means you're earning an extra $ 1 6 a year per bill. Wow. You got your first year's money, Keith. Now all you gotta do is get off your can and pick a school to spend it on. Yeah. I gotta do that. Where did another quarter of a percent come from? Those are them. Those? Yeah, those. Solid choice. That's the ticket. I think we've pretty much covered everything. All the arrangements have been made. Yep. - You know what you're gonna say? - Whatever comes to mind. Uh-huh. You wanna plan it out a little? It'll sound false. I wanna be true to my instincts. Don't think I'm being weird, but what if-- what if she wants you to kiss her? Well, then I guess I'm just gonna have to kiss her. Amanda's no minor leaguer who'll be swept off her feet by your amateur lips. Thanks. This babe has plenty of battle scars. - I think I can handle it. - Great. Well, I just think maybe... you should consider whether or not you can deliver a kiss that kills. What, you think I can't? If you say you can, you probably can. Well, no, I'm no expert. It's cool. I was just gonna work on it with you, but if you're comfortable... great. Wait, wait, wait, wait. How do you work on it? Pretend I'm a girl. Okay? I mean... pretend I'm her. Amanda. I know it's a big stretch, but try it. Come here. I didn't mean to scare you. All right. What do you do with your hands? - Well, that depends. - No, it doesn't depend. They go on her hips. Okay. Do it. Look into my eyes. - I don't have to do this, you know. - I know. I'm sorry. Just grow up a little. She'll probably do this. - How do you know? - I watch a lot of TV. Close your eyes. What? What? Lesson's over. You're cool. You're blushing. Yeah, right. The day I blush-- No, no, that was very nice. You're- - You're pretty. This is how you repay a favor, I'm not rich enough to be your friend. No, wait. I didn't mean anything. I'm sorry. Don't be mad, okay? I'll see you tonight. Geez! Dad. What are you doing? Get dressed. I wanna talk to you. I wanna know what's wrong. - Are you in trouble? - No. Were you at the bank recently? You withdrew the college money, didn't you? - Yeah. - It's going back, pal. Every last cent of it's going back. You don't get this close to something and piss it away. It's not going back 'cause I don't have it. I spent it. What'd you buy, a car? Whatever you bought you can take back and you're gonna take it back! Dad, I can't. I don't want to. I don't care what you want! The money's going back in the bank and that's final! You're not listening to me. I don't have the money. I can't get it back. You had no right touching that money! I had every right! I earned it! - Where's the fucking money? - Dad, calm down. - The money is not important here-- - You don't know what's important! You don't know what you're talking about! I do know what I'm talking about! You just never listen to me! You only hear what you want! - Will you listen to me for once? - I'm listening. I'm not gonna go to college. The money is gone. You can't get it back! It's over, this whole dream! It's not what I wanted. It's what you wanted! I never wanted it! I just didn't have the guts to tell you! You're only 1 8 years old, for Christ's sake! Then I'm 1 9, then I'm 20! When does my life belong to me? Dad, listen to me. I'm going out with a girl tonight. She's beautiful, and everybody's in love with her... and she's going out with me. Get it? See, in the eyes of most people around here, I'm a nothing. So I don't start agreeing with them, I'm gonna go through with this date. I just- - I want to show this girl that I'm as good as anybody else. So what, are you gonna impress her with money? Think that's the solution? Didn't you ever have guys at your school that didn't fit in? - Yeah, of course. - Yeah? Well, I'm one of those guys. Thought things were going okay for you. Yeah, well, I like art, I work in a gas station... my best friend's a tomboy. These things don't fly well in high school. I didn't know about this. How could you know about it? You're my father. Jesus, Keith. How could you blow all that money? Believe me, there's a good reason behind all this. You've just got to trust me. Trust you? There's a limit. How can you put a limit on trust? Do you know any father who would let his kid do something like this? So why should I have to go along with it? Because you believe in me. Listen, I'm gonna replace the money. Think about it. You know I will. I'm not stupid. I didn't work all this time... just to throw everything away without thinking about it. I know what I'm doing. You sure? Yeah. Okay. I'm still gonna ride your ass about college. I'm not giving up on that. All right. I've said my piece. - Do me a favor, will you? - Sure. Stop calling me Clifford. No problem. Hi. Stop sneaking around listening at people's doors. - Me? - Yeah, you. Dad, I just came up to tell Keith that Watts is downstairs waiting. Well, don't get in his way. - Did he go apeshit? - No. - Really? - I'm really in kind of a hurry-- I just came up to wish you luck tonight. Okay? I have all my friends crossing their fingers for you. Thank you. He really didn't go apeshit? He's probably saving it for me. - You want me to lock up for you? - Please. Thanks. Gimme a break. Would you look at us? I think you look tremendous. Too bad my grandmother bit the dust. She'd be very proud I'm wearing a bra. Go get your scag and let's roll. Ma, it's for me. What time will you be home? - Early. - Tell Hardy hello for us. - Okay. Bye. - Bye. - Hi. - Hi. - You look different. - Than what? - Than before. - I'm wearing a suit. - So. - Are you ready? Yeah. I'm standing in an open door. I guess you could say that. - Let's go. - All right. - Check that out. Did you steal it? - No, I borrowed it. I figured your ass was too precious for vinyl. You're right. Wha-- Thank you. So, do you always bring an extra girl when you go out? I like to cover my bets. That's very cute. I'll have to remember that. I'm gonna love this one. I can feel it already. Is it moving? Well, what is it? It's beluga caviar. It's the most expensive caviar you can buy. I thought you were an uptown girl. You should know this stuff. Look-- How this happened is as much of a mystery to me as it is to you. I'm no more thrilled about it than you... so why don't you just stop giving me attitude, please? - I'm giving you attitude? - Yeah. Like on Friday, pulling that he-man power play... about how I have to ask my friends for permission. I didn't appreciate it. I don't like being treated like that. Well, it's true, isn't it? - At least I have friends. - Are you sure? Look, do you want to end this right now? Relax. Calm down. Please. Listen, we ordered. I don't want to end it. Enjoy the atmosphere. Pretend I'm dead. I wish. Throw it out. Dice coming out. - All right. Makes a point-- - A point is ten. All right, onetime bet. Onetime bet only. - I'll give you five to one on it. - Five? Five to one? Seven to one. Seven to one? Does it look like the Sahara here? - Do I look Italian? - I don't need this. I got action. - Sit. Conference. What do you say? - No way. To win big you gotta do what? - Lose. - Lose big. What are we doing now? We're losing big. Double nickels. Ten the hard way. Mess with the bull, you get the horns. You know what I'm saying? Very uptown. Hey, you're smiling. I'm sorry. Don't apologize. It's nice. You have a lovely smile. - You should smile more often. - Okay. Whenever I try not to smile, I smile more. No, I got the chin. - I'll get the door. - No, I got it. Sorry I wasn't more on the ball. I was... comatose. Here, I brought you something to eat. A gift? For me? - Yeah, thought you might be hungry. - Gee, thanks. Eating and driving, it's as handy as skiing and doing your taxes. Well, maybe you can eat it at the next stop. Could I book time to take a leak? - What's your problem? - Nothing. Excuse me a minute, please. Listen, you volunteered to do this. I was all prepared to drive. You said, "No, I'll drive so you guys can talk." Remember? It was this morning, moron. Of course I remember. So why are you giving me shit? Let's go. If my dinner reeks, let me know. I'll put it in the trunk. It's fine, really. Well, then, we're off. - Pardon me. - No problem. Good. Thank you. Break his heart, I break your face. What are we doing here? - It's an art museum. - What are we doing here? You don't like art? I do like art. It's just that-- Isn't it closed? That doesn't mean we can't go in. Okay. Hello. We've been waiting for you a long time, my pop and I. Come on in. Right this way. Gimme five over here, pal. - There you go. - Amanda, Duncan. - Nice to meet you, Amanda. - And-- No monkey business. Dad, freeze it, okay? I told you before, this is gonna be all fine. God. Those are nice legs, man. I lose my job because of this, you're in the dumper, Duncan. Absolutely, Pop, absolutely. Hey, thanks a lot. Just remember, anything for a pal, okay? Have you ever been here before? Yeah. Sixth grade. I don't remember. I come here all the time. I've never been here at night, though. This place is my church. I could come here and what anybody says about me doesn't matter. I have to come back here when I can spend more time. We have all night. There's one in here that I'd like to show you. So what do you see in me? - Be honest. - What do you see in me? You first. Nobody thought anything about me other than I look good next to them. I went along with it because I'd-- I'd rather be next to somebody for the wrong reasons... than alone for the right ones. I'd rather be right. Can't stand being alone. Nobody can stand being alone. The minute you stop thinking there's someone for you, it's over, isn't it? - Isn't it? - I don't know. I've been waiting a long time... and I still don't have it, but I will. What are you talking about? You know what I'm talking about. - No, I don't. - Yes, you do. It's not funny. - I know you know what I mean. - I don't. This. Tonight was a joke. I was set up. You used me, right? - You think I used you? - Didn't you? - I don't know, in a way. - In a way? There's only one way you use someone. You either do, or you don't. You didn't use me? God, you hypocrite. What's hanging in that museum? My soul? No, it's my face. You're using me to pay back every guy... with more money and more power than you. Paint it any color you want. It's still you using me. You're right. I did use you. For all those reasons. I'm sorry. Can we call it even? We're even. - This is for you. - What is this? It's my future. In this box is my future. Every cent I've ever earned. It's for you. - I can't take these. - You have to. I know you liked them. I saw you wearing Shayne's, remember? This is insane. It doesn't make any sense. You shouldn't have to borrow anything. You're too good for that. Why are you crying? I feel so terrible for what I've been doing. I hate feeling ashamed. I hate where I'm from. I hate watching my friends get everything their hearts desire. I gave in to that hatred and I turned on what I believed in. I didn't have to. You didn't. So you won't do it again. You don't have to. Ever. What now? Hardy's house. Did you forget something? He wants to beat the crap out of you. - It's for real. - I know. If you want to do that, drive yourself. I have to face him sooner or later. - It's not just Hardy. It's his friends. - I can handle it. I could beat the crap out of you. You won't last six seconds. I know what I'm doing. Don't go overboard, studly. Let's go. - You don't have to do this. - Yeah, I do. Okay. I'll be here. Thanks. Guess what? Amanda brought him. Welcome. Glad you could come by. I was worried you would disappoint us. - Did you have a good time? - Yeah. She's deceptively innocent, isn't she? Clean, nice on the outside. Did she do you? See... the one thing that I'm glad about... is that you get her used. Back off, man! That was not very smart, friend. I don't even care about you. She's the trash. You're just a fool! Take him outside and kick the shit out of him. Why don't you take me outside? What? I said, "Why don't you take me outside?" I don't play that way. I would love to. I am the host here. I have guests. I said take him outside, okay? - You don't want to do this. - Oh, really? Yeah. You said yourself, I'm the trash. I got him into this. Why don't you deal with me? That's very touching, standing up for your new man. I like that. Let him go. Why don't you do something right for once? Forget it. It's worthless. You can't talk to him. What do you want? You know what I want. Okay. Okay, you want me back? I'm back. Come on. It's not that easy. You're gonna have to convince me. I want you to beg. Let him go. Come on, you're a beggar. Beg. Bastard. You're gonna have to beg. I don't think that's gonna be necessary. I didn't know Jenns lived in a henhouse. Did you know that? Must be a henhouse, 'cause I don't see nothin' but chicken shit. I don't want any trouble. My parents will be home soon. You leave now, and we'll forget everything. Let's just cut the bullshit. All right? Please? I'm here to wipe the floor with your ass. You know it, everybody knows it, and you deserve it. I think it's safe to say... that this party is about to become a historical fact. Wait, wait. - Let me talk to him. - Okay. Look, I'm perfectly willing to forget this. Okay? I see no reason in carrying this on any longer. It was a joke. It's gone too far. It's over. Okay? You want the truth? You want the plain truth? You're over. Are you just gonna leave? There isn't anything I could do to him... that he hasn't already done to himself. Wish I could live with that. Good move, Amanda. I approve. - Thanks again, Duncan. - No problem, no problem. You guys go along. We're gonna stick around here. Try to crank up this party to a nice respectable level. Don't worry. I won't mess him up. I'm not even gonna touch him. Just gonna make him cry a little bit. Good night. All right. Let's cut the bullshit. We're gonna have some fun. We're gonna have some fun. All right, guys. These girls have been lookin' at you like I don't know what. All right. Now we're ready to party. What a beautiful woman right here. She is dying for you. Remind me never to get you mad at me. Did you see the look on their face? Nice move. I saw it from out here. Well- - Why don't you guys run along? I'll walk. My butt's asleep from sitting all night. I'm sorry if I misjudged you. That's okay. Keys are in the car. Remember how I said I'd rather be with someone for the wrong reasons... than alone for the right ones? I'd rather be right. It's gonna feel good to stand on my own. Here. In your heart you wanted to give these to somebody else. Go. Go on. I'm sorry. I didn't know. Yeah. Well, you're stupid. I always knew you were stupid. - Why didn't you tell me? - You never asked. I wanted these. I really wanted them. They're yours. - You knew you were gonna get these. - No, I didn't. I hoped. - I didn't know. - You knew. I had a feeling. Well, how do they look? You look good wearing my future. MY DAD, THE SOCIALIST KULAK When my dad comes back, When my dad comes back, all the flowers will be golden. Dad will come and the world will come alive. Doesn't rhyme! Tincek! Look, the sun is setting. It's just one finger above Urban. In one hour mother will come home. And the train will arrive. people living in Urban are very lucky. -Why? They can catch the sun, when it goes down. silly! You can't catch the sun. The train will come now. -Yes. But your husband won't come. He's still in Russia. -Let's work. Medved's watching us. Not for long! The new government said, there won't be any landlords. The land will be ours. -Sure! Every government says that. Daddy! They're already coming. -He'II come, you'II see. Toncka! You're here! Dad, did you bring anything? You've done enough. You've worked very well. Thanks. I've got to go home. The kids are waiting for me. will you come tomorrow? -Of course. until we finish. whole this time during the war ... I was longing to sit under my trellis. Did you also kill anyone? -Don't ask. Was it bad in the army? -Did you butcher? No, we saved this for you. My dear Toncka, now let's all eat together. No, that's for you. -Eat. -I won't, daddy. Just eat, dad. -You don't know what hunger is. Death to fascism! -Good afternoon. You've come back. You came from German front? -From Russian captivity. AII right. You must report to KLOJ tomorrow. KLOJ? What's that? -It's the local people's committee. Death to fascism! What's that? -Nothing. Mother wants to have everything clean if dad comes. He won't come today. What if he doesn't come back at all? -Are you nuts? Don't you ever say that again! Where's mother? I'm hungry. Someone's coming. Death to fascism! -God bless. -I'II show you God! Now you have to greet like this: Death to fascism! And you have to answer: Liberty to the people! Okay? Let's try. Death to fascism! -Liberty to the people! -Good. God will provide. -I'II show you God. There's no God. olga, you should know that. Don't you attend youth association meetings? Mother told me not to go, until dad gets back. Maybe they'd spurn me cause dad was in German army. God Lord! No, there's no God. Are you crazy? Your dad was forcibly recruited into German army. He escaped to join the great Red army under stalin. Maybe he was lucky enough ... to die as BoIshevik. -Vanc! What are you saying? I'II tell mother. -Where's your mother? At Medved's. Medved is a kulak, remember. We communists will take everything from him. Your mother shouIdn't work for kuIaks. We'II found the collectives. Land for the people who work it! If your collectives give bread and milk for the kids I won't go to work for the kulak. We can't eat the slogans. -There'II be everything! Even the electricity and pudding. Each according to his needs. This is the transition phase on the road to communism. In couple of years there'II be no shortage, just communism. You're completely mixed up with that slogans. In one year we'II be throwing meat aweay. -Throwing meat? That'II never happen. -Just wait and you'II see. In communism we'II throwing meat away. Where are you going, mum? -Eat your supper. What are you doing, Vanc? -I've brought you something. What is it? -Meat! Lesnik butchered it illegally, an gave me some so I wouldn't denounce him at the KLOJ. But I didn't want to take it. So I brought it for you. Why are you doing this? -I wanted to show you how I'II take care of you and the kids if Joze doesn't return. I don't want to hear it. -What? But he asked me to help you, if something happens to him at the front. What did he tell you? Something political that should be done in private. What? political things spoken in private? Be quiet! Move that paper. The floor is scrubbed for father. I tell you, you have to raise your children properly. What's wrong now? They shouldn't give the old greeting God bless. Then how? -Listen, you two. Death to fascism! -Liberty to the people! Jesus, Vanc! You're red as hard communist. I'm an activist, a member of the KLOJ and I can help you. You have to be more careful until we achieve communism. You think they haven't asked me at the KLOJ ... why are you working for kuIaks? What's use of your meat if I must hide it? We need bread and milk every day. What meat did you bring? -Don't tell anyone. Getting meat is punishable, cause we're not in communism yet. At this phase we must be careful, don't we Vanc? Just mock me, Mimika. I can't give you bread and milk, but I can give you the right direction. I should go now. I have a meeting at KLOJ. New government works at night, too. Death to fascism! -Liberty to the people! God will provide. Mum, read us dad's letter. -I've read it a hundred times. Doesn't matter. Dear Mimika! I don't have much time. Russians are near. I'II do what I told you. I believe I'II stay alive as I have a picture ... -Of Virgin Mary. Wait for me and take care of our children. will Tincek still recognize me? I hope you're not hungry and you're all in good health. If you have any problems, my cousin Vanca will help you. I must finish now. StaIin's organs begun to sing. Kiss my children for me. Your Jozek. Why did he write that? If Germans read the letter, they know that he wants to escape. They might shoot him as a deserter. What if he didn't escape? -What if someone shot him? Maybe he's still in Russian captivity. Maybe he'II come tomorrow morning. No, in the evening. Sun will set over Urban. It's not important when he comes, only that he's alive. Of course he's alive! If he's dead, he can't come so far. Shut up, silly! It's my fault. boiled eggs, pork ... His stomach burst. He came back from Russia alive and died here, at home. Just today, when he had to report to the KLOJ. Does God exsists? -Of course he does. Why did Gorjup die than? It's not fair! The president of the youth league says there is no God. Under the communism no one will cry at funerals. Of course not! Death is a dialectic phenomenon. Who'd cry for that? Today we give into the earth a simple an honest man Ivan Gorjup. Like Lazarus, he came home fprom the embrace of death. But death was awaiting him here. Let us pray for our brother Ivan Gorjup. Our father, who art in heaven ... It's my fault! When my dad returns the house will be golden. Mum shouIdn't give him much food at first, so he won't be ill and his stomach burst. He won't come today. It's too late. It's good that we don't have as much to eat as Gorjup. Why? -It could burst his stomach. Idiot! I think it's him. -No, he isn't. Dad didn't have a moustache. -That's right. Do the MaIeks still live here? -Good afternoon. Liberty to the people. Are you kids alone? -Yes. Where's your mother? Are you our ...? Dad ... it's you? Tincek! You're such a big boy! olga ... Where's your mother? We can call her. Mimika! I'm home! Joze! -Mimika! I am home! Joze! -Mimika! Why are you crying? Aren't you happy that dad's back? I am, Tincek. Of course I am. If we' re happy we laugh, not cry. Be quiet, smart alec. I came on foot from Sombatheya. Now he's here before our eyes, the house is like paradise. What? -Now I made a poem. He's always thinking up poems. MaIek, you're back. -Yes. Come around sometime. -I will. We've got nothing else. -It's good anyway. Tomorrow we'II have meat. -Meat? uncle Vanc brought it, but we shoIudn't tell anyone. Lesnik cut it illegally and gave some to Vanc so he won't talk. Vanc is a member of KLOJ. -Of what? The regional people's committee. -He was also an activist. I've always said he'd go far in spite of his limp. It's better that you don't eat too much. Gorjup ate too much and burst his stomach. There's no danger of that here. I'II tell you what I've learned in the war. Three boiled potatoes a day, that's all you need. uncle Vanc said that we'II be throwing away meat one day. Shut up! -When communism come. The Russians already have communism, but not the meat. Dad, what was it like with the Russians? They liked me. -How? Weren't you in a prison camp? No. I was a soldier in the Red Army. I deserted from Germans long before they surrendered. I served under stalin. -Why didn't you come home sooner? At last I'm home with you. olga, you're all grown up. You will not be OIga any more, but VoIga. In memory of the Russians. -Leave the names as they are. What is VoIga? VoIga, VoIga, dear river ... Let's sing together. -How? We don't know it. You'II learn. VoIga, dear river ... It's time for bed. -Why now when dad's home? Because he's tired. -We'II talk tomorrow. Did you wait for me? -You know I did. only you ... Dad, I'm not sleeping. I'II have to oil the bed. Watch it! Dad, why they call it StaIin's organ? Quiet, dad's tired. -Then he should sleep. Quiet, egg-head. Dad, I've written a poem for you. Do you want to hear it? Yes, but hurry. Now when there's peace, dad will eat potatoes and peas. Fine. Good night. -Good night. I've come to report. -Come in, MaIek. Cousin Vanc said I should ... Activist Vanc is your cousin? -Yes. But you were in German army? They forcibly recruited me. Then I escaped to the Russians. To StaIin. You were in Russian prison camp? I was a soldier in the Red Army. I have my certificate. -Show me. I'm not giving it to anyone. This is the only evidence ... that I was with the Russians, serving under stalin. I must save it. Who told you that? -Vanc. alright. What are you planning now? I'd Iike to work for the railway at the station ... as a signal man like before the war. Good. We need raiIwaymen. I don't now what Mr. Medved will say. We still live in his house. -He will say nothing. We shall nationaIize and expropriate his land. What? -You heard me. Expropriate. You'II stay in your cottage and work for the railways. Comrade MaIek! Why don't you let OIga to the youth meetings? She's too young. She can't walk around at night. Partisan women who won our freedom weren't too young? These are new times. I'II take care of olga. But if you take care... alright. Death to fascism! -God be with you. Liberty to the people! Good day, Joze. -HaIIo. Let's go for a drink. -I'm not thirsty. Afraid of the wife? -Idiot! Listen, I'II come around. You have an empty stable? We have a pig. -See you, MaIek. Come in! The vicar would Iike a word with you. With me? -Come in! The vicarage isn't a dangerous place. 10: 18. -10:18. MaIek - the vicarage. -MaIek - the vicarage. Write down. -Write down ... BoIshevik! Yes? Good afternoon. Praise be to Lord! Sit down, MaIek. You've been home for two weeks but haven't been to curch. You've lost your faith with the bolsheviks. I haven't! Look! I always carry an image of the Virgin Mary. She saved my Iife at the front. Then why do you now disavow Mary and the Lord? -I don't. The reds won here. They want to ban worship of the Virgin Mary and the God, and change churches to warehouses. So we Christians must believe in God even more. It's not right that your family doesn't attend mass. I've made a vow to give a candle on Assumption Day. And come to church, too. -I will. Hang on the wall the Virgin Mary's picture. She saved you. There are no more religious pictures. Other day ... the communists tore down Christ from his cross. impossible! -still freshly painted. Do your children know how to pray? -I think so. Do you? -Yes. Do you still know to sing hymns? -Yes! Then pray at home and come to church. Hang up holly pictures. Don't become an antichrist. What we have now without God and religion, is not good. It can not last forever. Praise be to Jesus! -For ever, amen. Did you go to confession? -Of course not! article 21 . Pioneers must collaborate on outings, shows and ceremonies of the pioneer organization. We have to look at article 20. -Teacher will ask tomorrow. Good. Now tell me if you know how to pray? I know, but I don't want to! Why not? -Because there is no God! Who told you that? -Comrade teacher told us. And the president of the youth league. -That policeman? Anyway, it's not true. God exists. You should know how to pray. -But I do! Our father, bread is ours. The more we eat the more is ours. -You brat! Before the war I was like you. We have to put this on the wall. Before I went to the front ... they said almost everyone dies there. I went to confession. The priest gave me this. The Virgin Mary. It says: Whoever carries it, will be saved. I survived the bombing and stalin's organ. What kind of instrument is StaIin's organ? -silly! Our whole platoon died. only three of us who had the Virgin Mary stayed alive. Mary saved us so I have to give her a candle. The youth league president says religion is opium of the people. Opium? That's a devil! I promised Mary a candle on Assumption Day. Let's sing a hymn! Birds fly under the sky, singing glory to Mary. Mother of Jesus, creator of universe ... Are you mad? ! What the devil are you singing? Everyone at KLOJ knows that you visited the priest. Do you want to be bIack-Iisted by the secret police? Maybe you were with white guard during the war? What secret police? Why are you scaring me? We're practicing because we're going on a pilgrimage. You're going nowhere! Before the war you weren't religious. Now you pray and sing hymns. Let's go inside. I have to tell you something. If Lesnik comes ... -What would he want? Wait here. If Lesnik comes, he must wait. What would he want? -Big things are going on. You don't read the papers, you don't have a radio. Where's Mimika? -Working for Medved. I told you she shouldn't work for him. He's a kulak! But we live in his cottage. It's over for kuIaks and priests. You'II get land, if you're clever. -Land? Now, I'II rearrange the kitchen a little. You don't need that. We must be careful now when we have a freedom. One wrong word and they can lock you up. I'II get land because of these posters? -Yes. Land for those who work it. That's agrarian reform. The first to get land will be partisans and activists. Then the poor and other people. please, tell me what are you doing. -Quiet, Joze. Mary saved my Iife. -religion is the opium of the people. I'II hide them just in case. It's not certain that you reds will always be in power. You can hide them. As long as I don't see you in church! But tomorrow I'm going on pilgrimage. I promised. Whom did you promise? -The Virgin Mary. bullshit! What Mary? Use your brain. I promised the vicar. Lucky you were with the bolsheviks. It's vital ... that you have good reputation with the Russians. If you're smart, you'II get meat as well as land. What's all this? -Vanc brought it. He said I should hang up slogans ... instead of Jesus and Mary. -Is he completely mad? will he be crazy tomorrow when we'II have meat? What meat? -Tonight they'II hide a cow in our stable. Tomorrow there'II be a butchers there. -illegal? I don't like it. Something might happen to you. We must be careful now there's a freedom. But I would also like you to eat meat sometime. Once you said you'd be satisfied with potatoes. I promised. well, Vanc will be there, too. He's member of KLOJ. -I don't like this. If we're wise we'II also get land. Land? I'm candidate for agrarian distribution. Now you won't work for Medved but on your own land. How about you taking the candle on a pilgrimage? You're crazy! Why would I go on a pilgrimage? Mary didn't save my Iife. I mustn't completely lose Mary's favour. You can go discreetly so that everyone won't see you. You promised Mary, not me. -Mimika, it's land! We mustn't lose it. -Dad. -What? May I tell you a poem? -alright. To carry a candle, my dad won't go, coz' uncle Vanc told him so. Now when there's no war we eat potatoes even more. If we listen to uncle Vanc, we'II get pork for lunch. Can't you think of anything better than your poems? Brat! Go to sleep! Stop fooling around! I thought I heard someone in our courtyard. But I'm only dreaming. Just dream. This is the age of freedom. I'm afraid of that small policeman. He's fanatic. bloody cow! Stop! Who's there? -Activist. -What are you doing here? patrolling the village on behalf the KLOJ. Our new government must be alert day and night. I'm also patrolling. I thought I heard the cow. Me too! -We have to watch out for illegal butchering. There's no illegal butchering here, but we must be careful. will you drink some? It's from the war. German schnapps? -Partisan brandy. Here's some liver for breakfast. And what shall I tell the kids? We'II burry the offal and keep the meat in your cellar. Joze will stand guard and I will carry. I want nothing to do with it! They won't arrest us if they don't get us. Comrades under arms! Drive the enemy away. Our land and see await us! Take a gun in hand. Now, Iet it sing. The enemy will feel its sting. Hey comrades. hello. What's wrong with you? I came from the night shift and I can't sleep. Anything new? -Of course not! Where are the other members of your family? The boy's at school. Mimika and olga are working at kuIaks. We still live in Medved's cottage. He gives us food. On coupons we get almost nothing. Criticizing, eh? -God forbid! Just telling. We'II take everything from his kind. We're waiting for a Iow to carry out agrarian reforms. clever. If you'II be a good citizen you'II get land, too. -But I am. Good, MaIek. Where's your daughter? I told you. She's working for Medved. She's already a youth league member. There's meeting tonight to cheer Tito and stalin. She should come, too. AII of you. Let it be known whom we support in this village! Death to fascism! -Liberty to the people! Comrades under arms! Drive the enemy away. Joze, stop it! Now we are in ... -socialism. -That's right. Who can explain it for us? Tincek. It's like in the bible. Now we're still not in heaven but in purgatory. What heaven and purgatory? There's no God! I know that. But we could say it's similar. In communism it will be like in heaven ... In socialism is like on earth. The vicar. 10 kilograms. Cases. Who or what is it? -socialism. Good. Now the second case with a negative form. There is no socialism. There wasn't. The dative. I give the socialism ... An apple! We like socialism. Accusative - fourth case. We like socialism. We're satisfied with socialism. Very good. Our partisans won our freedom hand in hand with the Red Army. The brilliant general StaIin and marshal Tito ... defeated the occupying army. Why are you exaggerating? Long live StaIin! Long live Tito! Long live the Soviet Union! Comrade! I'II write down 7 kilograms. Long live our national liberation army with Comrade Tito at its head! We must think about life in the new YugosIavia. In a new socialistic society under the slogan: Power to the workers! Long live the socialist youth league! What a world! It can't last forever. These are crazy times. Praise be to Jesus. -For ever, amen. -12 kilos. Today we got 12 kilograms. Dad, why are they yelling so much? These are such times. Long live the transitional period! What are you saying? asshole! I brought a meat. I'm not permitted to slaughter my own cattle. What a country! It's best that you buy as much as possible. Anyway, you don't risk anything. Good luck! The devil will take everything! Comrade officer! -What? -Give me a hand. Now we have a new government. Yes. I know what my duty is. This land which passes over from the hands of kulaks ... to those who work it will bear ... The law about agrarian reform! -What? They didn't tell me before. It's in the papers! Look! The people's government has brought back old rights. It's the end for Iand-owners. That's mean I'II get ... -Yes! You'II get land ... as you were in the Red Army. -I'II get land! Yes, if you listen to me. Don't' go to church anymore. socialism can do all that in nine months! Our new government is just the right one for us. Now I will not only be a railway worker, but a man. But where will agrarian committee get land? We'II take it from big landowners and kulaks. The land, buildings and assets of churches and religious institutions are to be expropriated. Today the centuries long struggle of SIovene peasants ... has been realized. Land surplus above 20 ha per estate will be expropriated. The reds come and say your land is yours no more. They'II destroy the land! We shall divide the land after ten days. Our new government has given us all this. Long live comrade Tito! Now we've got socialism we can do whatever we like. Each candidate will get as the commission decides. Bring the posts with you. The land must be cultivated by spring. hallo, comrade. Don't you know how to greet in the Christian way? Come here. Listen, MaIek. Church estates are expropriated without compensation. Does it seem right that they steel from God? It was not my idea! Do you think that's right? -How should I know? If the Iaw say so, than it's right. I've heard that some candidates have asked for 2 hectares. I'm not one of them. But you'II take my land? -Of course! And the church land too? -Whatever they'II give me. That would be steeling from God! It's God's land! But we poor people work it! If you take church land it won't bear fruit! cattle grazing on it will die! hall will destroy everything. Remember that! You will not scare me. religion is the opium of people. What sort of propaganda is that? Have you forgotten who saved you at the front? You've sent your wife on a pilgrimage. You've forgotten Mary and God! You're a big sinner! If the communists give me land, I'II take it. From you I got nothing but penance and blessings. Be off, Satan! You're an evil sinner. This land passed ... -With sweat and blood... will sing a song of work in spring... And abundant fruits in autumn. It's quite all right, but I don't understand anything. That's because you don't read books. It's nice, especially when you tell it. I'd Iike to be there when they divide the land. I'd Iike to see the faces of Medved and other kuIaks, when we drive the posts in their land! The teacher wrote this. It was checked by constable Edo. Good evening. Good evening. Death to fascism! -Liberty to the people! Fascism's already dead. -Sit down, Mr. Medved. We'II see what liberty will bring to us. What sort of post are those? -Markers. What markers? You don't have a land. Not yet, but I'II get it. Who will you get it from? -From the agrarian commission. And where will they get the land? You should know better than I. You can't take stolen land! Can't you see the socialist slogan? Land for those who work it! When adults speak, children are quiet. That was in the time of capitalism and imperialism. Nowadays is different. Today, youth league members ... are equal elements of socialist society. -OIga! What will you plough with if you get the land? We'II buy a cow and plough with the commune tractor. I new it! First they'II plough with the commune tractor, than they'II communise the land. Like the bolsheviks. Everything went wrong in 1941 ... when there were no BoIsheviks or collectives. Look! I said nothing when you stayed in my cottage. But the land? If they give you my land, don't take it. If I don't take it, someone else will. Did I prevent you from working on the railways? Didn't I take care of your family when you were away? We all worked for you. Now we'd Iike to work for ourselves. You're talking like a lawyer. Where did you learn that? With the bolsheviks, with stalin. You'II choke on your BoIsheviks. It'II be your turn first. -Let's not argue. If they give you my land don't take it. tell them you live in my cottage. They should give you the vicar's land. He says they should give me yours. But Medved says take the vicar's land. Understand? I don't care, as long as I get something. Mimika, just come and work for bread. God knows how the agrarian reform will be. These kuIaks! As long as they could squeeze us ... they knew only the whip and profit. Now they're sucking up. Land for those who work it! If you don't take the land... you're indirectly supporting the kulaks. olga, who did you get it from? From the policeman. Just be careful that you don't get something else from him. We're only friends. There's no time for sentiment ... just for transformation of man. I'II show you a transformation! So then ... rebellion will save us from the feudal torches ... Let's go! Today, we'II divide up kuIaks' land. Comrade MaIek, Iet's go! You go instead of me. After all, I was a German soldier. Mary saved me. The vicar threatens me... that my land will be barren. Medved hates me. Do I realy deserve anything? Give it to me! I'II go! Let's go! -You, comrade MaIek? -Me! Comrade Joze won't go? -Aren't women good enough? Fuck you, Joze! Let's go. Long live agrarian reform! Don't' take less than 2 hectares! Today, we've realized the centuries long struggle ... of poor SIovene peasants. We've done in 9 months ... what capitalism and feudalism couldn't achieve. Who wrote this? The girl? -Me. Good, isn't it? My ass! Where is Tito and stalin mentioned? What about our Communist party? only some feudal heroes. Long live Tito! Long live StaIin! -That's good. Long live the Communist party! Dad, can I tell you a poem? -Go ahead. while dividing the fields, dad sits on threes. Instead of him, mother fights for land. bloody brat! My strong father was StaIin's soldier. Mind now. One, two, tree! Let everyone see we've got electricity. But you'II have to pay for it. -So what? You see, you can't get away from me. Dad, it's shaking them. It still give us a shock sometimes, but we'II get proper fittings. You're all mad! Can you imagine that all this land belongs to us? will you be a farmer now or still a railwayman? Both! We can't live on one wage. The railway job is secure. -fertilizing your land? -Yes. When the land's manured by dad, the house smells bad. When you'II eat beans, potatoes and corn ... you won't think it smells. Where are you off to? -To get sausages. -Where? Somewhere. would you buy some meat? Now we have land I Iive in honest way. Me, too. -That's the best way. What's the matter? Did you shit in your pants? No, I was only manuring the land. The whole YugosIav railways smells because of that. Am I seeing right? Is he out of his mind? Let's go! -Stop it! We'II report and arrest you. You're making a star from shit! What do you mean? I'm making it from corn. The star is the symbol of the revolution. Now the corn will grow so big... it'II be seen from far away. Are you really crazy or are just pretending? He's pretending. You can't have a star form manure on the slope. Fix it at once! Look at these potatoes! Like marrows. I've seen neighbour's and they look like plums. The first socialist potatoes. Be quiet, fools! Now you're kuIak, too. Brat! Me, a kulak? well, you're right. Of course I'm kuIak. A socialist kuIak. Quiet, idiots! It's Sunday, but agrarian farmers are working. We have to. During the week we have to go to our job. And on Sundays we work in the fields. How big and fat these socialist potatoes are! Like marrows. You can see they're from the one who works the land. Did you know that my dad is also kuIak? -Shut up! You're kuIak, too? God Lord! -Don't listen to the kid. He doesn't know what he's saying. If I were kuIak it's not your business. I'm a socialist kuIak. Then they'II screw you, as well. What a nice potatoes! That's because they're socialist. Think what they'd be like in communism. Here's some meat. Cut on the black. To remind you of your first potatoes. Listen! We don't want to be punished for your meat. You won't if you eat it in secret. Why we always have to hide your meat? You don't need to understand everything. In socialism, we butcher on the black. In communism we'II butcher in public. What that means, on the black? black cows? My god! Are you nuts? Thank's for the meat, uncle Vanc. -Shut up, brat! Do you want them to lock me up? It's you! -Yes, it's me. -What are you doing here? I came to invite you to celebration this evening. You have to come. -I'II ask dad. Now the youth league is your dad ... and me as its president. -AII right, I'II come. Where did you get this meat? Cut on the black? I have to check what people in the village eat. We must prosecute illegal butchers... as the workers in town are hungry. Where did you get this meat? -uncle Vanc brought it. He said it was bought with his coupons ... because he doesn't eat meat. Vanc, the member of KLOJ? If it wasn't from Vanc I wouldn't say nothing... because of you. Can I give you a piece? You must be hungry. I am a member of security. I can't eat on duty. It's really obtained with coupons. Vanc brought it to mother. He likes her, but don't tell dad. Don't tell anyone. -I won't. See you latter. We should agree on volunteer projects. We'II have a competition. My group will be the best! Thanks for meat. Youth from the other village ... have found a Iot of colorado beetles. We should have a competition to destroy them. Wasn't the policeman here? -Did he see you frying? -No. hello. Comrade officer! Did you butcher on the black to get meat? No! I got it at the MaIeks. They said you gave it with your food coupons. You know I don't eat meat so I gave it to relatives. I won't say anything. You better be quiet, too. It's good you're here. -Has something happened? Did you give meat to the policeman? Did you lie to me? ! -He came when I was frying. would you Iike them to put me in jail? -It's all over. They'II report me to the secret police ... and throw me out of the KLOJ. AII because of you! Now I'II have to say where I got the meat from. They'II arrest me because I didn't report Lesnik. It'II all come out! Why are you shouting? Edo promised that he won't tell anyone. I told him... that you gave the meat to mum because you Iike her. What's all this? -calm down, Joze. I meant because you Iike us all. Let's go and pick more potatoes! You'II manage as you're member of the KLOJ. It's easy for you to say. Joze, wait a minute. Do you think it's really so dangerous? How should I know! Damn, now in freedom you never know... what you can do and what you can't. At least in dictatorship you know what's forbidden. They can lock you up for one wrong word or a piece of meat. actually, I came to warn you. Now you're behaving like some kind of kuIak. -Me? people envy you because your harvest is so good. Yes, but I spread the most manure. I don't hear you saying Long live Tito or stalin. StaIin wants to have collectives, but I don't want to give my properties. If StaIin wants them, we'II have them, too. What I say now is worth 10 years in jail. Don't get upset. -Come here. really? ! -Yes, but be quiet. That's why there's shortage and we mustn't mess with meat. You should keep mentioning StaIin. Understand? Death to fascism! -Liberty to the people! What's this? In our house I don't hear StaIin's name... and USSSR mentioned any more. In these times you should mention it. You, Tincek, at school, and you VoIga, at meetings. That's right, Joze. What's going on? Hero StaIin's head will never drop dead. Come, olga. I'II take you home. I can walk. -Then I'II walk, too. I'II leave the bike here. Stop it! What would dad say if he heard? I didn't say anything about meat. But it was purchased with coupons. Now we should be just friends. We have to be responsible now. Who told you that? -You did, at the meeting. Agrarian thief! Leave my apples alone! Are you blind, comrade? I'm not comrade but a gentleman. gentleman is capitalistic expression. -Shut up! I don't want you to taking apples from my land. The tree's growing on my land. Look! Maybe it's on your land, but the branches are on mine. Don't you step on my land. You won't squeeze us any more. socialism exists... so we poor peasants can have our own tree. Don't argue. Everyone is listening. The whole village should hear this! This tree has roots on agrarian land. If you were after my land ... Now, when MaIek's got a little, he wants more. He's just socialist kuIak. Don't steal! -I'm not steeIing. The tree's on my land. The roots are on my land. It's not my fault it grew sideways. calm down. Let them have these apples. Nobody steps on kuIaks land from socialist land. Now my dad is also kuIak. -Shut up! These are different times. Now we have socialism. Whose tree is it? The one it's leaning to or the one who has its roots? I wasn't one of stalin's soldiers for nothing! Don't burst yourself, damn communist! It's not the apples. It's about rights and socialism. Once you said you'd be satisfied with three potatoes. Now you have as many as you Iike! I'II be satisfied when Medved eats potatoes, too. In socialism we're all equal. He's nothing better than me. That's because he doesn't fear God. What are kuIaks? Those who had too much land... which they didn't work themselves. They exploited crofters and vine-workers. My dad is also kuIak. -He can't be. What kind of kuIak he is? He doesn't exploit others. My dad is s socialist kuIak. Just write. And don't talk about socialist kuIaks. I've already finished. -Then sit still. Bring the notebook so I can check for mistakes. Your father should come to school tomorrow. May I have my note book? -I'II give it to your father. Good day. Why don't you greet like young communist? We say 'hello, comrade.' hello, comrade. Don't' you know the Christian greetings? Praise be to Jesus. -For ever, amen. Who's your family? -The MaIeks. Why do you never come to church? But we did. When? -Last year for Easter. Last year! You should come to church every Sunday, I know. Is something wrong? -I think it is. Everything I do is wrong. -Like what? Tomorrow you must report to the teacher at school. -Me? Come in. We have a Iot to discuss. Sit down, MaIek. Tincek isn't a bad student... but he's always thinking up some nonsense. Yesterday I checked his book and look what I found! What's this? The USSR? Look what's written next to it. uncle StaIin Shoot Russians. CLP -Communists Love Power. bloody brat! Why would StaIin shoot Russians? I was there and I didn't see anything like that. And what's this Communists Love Power? It's not funny. I should report this. Anyone would think you teach him that. Me? But how? -And this? Hero StaIin's head will never drop dead. That seems all right to me. StaIin's soldier was my dad, agrarian hero an kuIak, red. What kind of poem is that? -I just don't know. And yesterday he said there are kuIaks in socialism ... and that you're one of them. What shall I do with him? Don't permit him to write such political themes. He should write about spring, bees, but not StaIin. But Vanc says we must repeat StaIin and USSR every day. He's a good activist, but sometimes exaggerates a bit. And why StaIin? We've got our president who is more humane. That's true. Meat. -I've got something for you. We butchered this year for the first time. please, take it. -Don't you know that in socialism... teachers mustn't accept gifts? What if I leave it on the table? -That would be all right. And watch on your son's behavior. -I shall. bloody brat! Can't you play with a ball? You wouldn't have to make up those stupid poems! Leave him alone. -Who's kuIak? But you said it yourself. -What did I say? Eat up, but don't break the branches. I won't. I'II be careful. -Thief! Leave our cherry three alone! Can't you see it's on our church land? Take it easy. The tree is ours. Don't you see the markers? You're even stealing the green cherries. Come down, you brat! -The cherries are ours. Yours? Look at the marker! -What marker! Look! Here it is, see? You won't fool me. Don't be a thief if you're greedy and BoIshevik! If I wanted to give you the tree, I mustn't. The state put it under my care. The tree is ours, you antichrist. It wasn't enough that you and the vicar drugged us... with the opium of the people. Now you'd Iike to devour our cherries. You devil! You've become greedy for everything. Man is our greatest wealth! He must know how to say no. That's why I say Nyet. Dad's quarreIIing again. Forget him. Let's go on with talking. Who'II calm him down now that mother's in town? The whole village can hear. -So why should we? Don't shout, antichrist! Once you served HitIer. You bloody witch! I fought on the side of stalin and our Tito... and you sleep by the side of your vicar. We know how many abortions that caused. And what about that time you were at the front... and German soldiers where flying around your Mimika like bees around the hive? -What did you say? And Vanc slept more often at your place than at home. What about that? You should clean your own house first. What's the matter? Is it true that soldiers were at our house during the war? Yes. Was your mother kind to them? -Yes. Did she give them anything? -Yes. -What? -Water. Water? Nothing else? She said she'd give them everything she gives you. Damn! She said maybe our dad in Germany... asks some woman for water. Did those soldiers go into the house? -Yes. Did they sleep here, too? Yes. One or two? Ten? A hundred! Here, with your mother, at night? -I don't know ... Yes, of course. -And uncle Vanc, too? -Yes. He said that you asked him to. I'm going to get drunk. You won't see me any more. Where's dad and Tincek? -I don't know. It's expensive in town. What's wrong? The vicar's Roza came because of cherries. She wanted to hurt dad. She said the soldiers often slept at our house. He didn't believe that, didn't he? -No! So he asked me. -And? I just wanted to tell him how good and kind you are. I thought that dad will love you even more. And what did you tell him? That German soldiers were in the house ... and you gave them everything you'd give to dad. You stupid! bloody brat! I'd love to trash you! Now go to the pub and tell dad you made it all up! Going to the pub? -I've got the reason. I've got some good news. VoIga will get job in the cooperative. Let's go and tell Mimika. Go yourself, Iike during the war. You can sleep with her again. I'm going under a train. Are you out of your mind? -I know everything. What do you know? I told him you slept with mother during the war. How? During the war I just didn't sleep at all! I'II just pickup my things then I'II go. You can't believe such crap! -I'II hang myself. tell me, was it all true or not? -If what was true? That German soldiers slept in our house every day? Who told you that? I made it all up to praise the mother. Leave me alone! How can you believe such things? What we think is important. And no one else. I was so frightened. -silly! Dad, can I tell you the poem? -Be quiet! only if it's not political. AII this pointless fuss, mum slept alone like us. Brat! Now you'II work here. I'II buy and sell and you do the card-fiIe. Understand? -alright. I don't know why everyone picks on you and the MaIeks? Anyway, we'II get on okay. I'm going now. See that it's all registered. Death to fascism! -Freedom to the people! Be good. I got you this job. I never forget my family although I end up in trouble. I'm going to the KLO. Death to fascism! Freedom to the people! Good. Just keep on working. Death to fascism! -Freedom to the people! We've been looking for a worker for the co-op store. I recommended you. Your dad was StaIin's soldier. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't get the job. Watch out, someone could see you. I'm working. But I got this job for you. To be together. Me at the police and you at the co-op. Are you afraid? I hope nothing's happened yesterday. I mean, I'm not...you know. Don't worry! I was careful. hello, comrade OIga MaIek! We work here, not talk! hello, comrade Marica. It's raining. -Thanks God. hall! AII the crops will be destroyed. -Good Lord! It's all over. I'm scared. -Don't be, I'm with you. Lord, if you avenge me like this... it should hail on you, too! -Don't be stupid! Mary, you're doing this because of that pilgrimage. It should hail on you, too! Can't I really have anything? I Iove you anyway, dad. I should mention the resolution of the Informbureau ... Do you understand this? -politics is a whore. I don't understand anything. -Doesn't matter. They won't tell us truth, anyway. What's up? Listening to the request program? Shut up! Tito's speaking. We've quarreled with Russians. I'm going to district committee for instructions. Death to fascism! Yes, we're listening. Tomorrow is a meeting of KLOJ and youth leagues. Take StaIin's picture down! Instructors are coming from the district committee. Joze, listen. -What is it? A train is coming. It's over with stalin. -How, why? Don't mention him ever again. Even that I was his soldier? -No! Now go inside and take StaIin's pictures down! We've now quarreIed with stalin. Tomorrow we'II get the orders. No more StaIin! If you say so. It started. -What? -The collapse. The communists have quarreled with the Russians. I said it can't last long without respect or religion. What kind of world would it be... with the MaIeks as landlords? -You're always right. Our father, make people believe in church again and let the land be in the right hands. Thank you for the Informbureau resolution which will turn people away from BoIshevism. It didn't happen overnight. We kept quiet. It's all over. Any questions? Nothing can happen now if you ask them. We immediately took down StaIin's pictures. Was that right? -Yes. Throw them out of all business premises and schools. I'II do that after the meeting. But Tito shouted 'StaIin' at the end of his speech, They say StaIin didn't know anything about resolution. He ordered it! Tito had to say 'Long live StaIin' not to offend feelings of our people. You can't educate them in one hour -they need a day. And those that don't comply? -Arrest and imprison them! We've arrested one or two of our ministers. Open your eyes! Maybe StaIin supporters are hiding in your village. We should arrest someone and frighten him as example to the rest. Man is our greatest wealth... so we must always control him. Vanc is the biggest follower of stalin. He's also a relative of Joze MaIek who was in the Red Army. -Come on! Those two can't even spell the word Informbureau. familiarity, comrade! Bring that activist of yours. We'II question him. Eight scytes. -Eight? -Four rakes. What's going on? -Quiet! StaIin supporter's daughter! It's the end between us. -Why would they interrogate me? I knew that something was wrong all the time. How come you're already home? The lesson's over. They have a meeting. It's because we've quarrel with the Russians. They've taken Vanc for enquiries. Edo doesn't speak to me. He said you're an Informbureau supporter. -I'm what? An Informbureau supporter. -What does it mean, now? How should I know? Edo doesn't speak to me. I don't care about Edo! It concerns us. Edo doesn't speak to me. Shut up about that policeman! -I'II kill myself. What is it now? Stop writing your poems. It isn't right time for that. What is it now? She's pregnant! That's because of the meetings. No, it's because of policeman. Damn the world! Damn politics! I'm here officially. -I'II show you officially! You'II come with me to the committee. Am I under arrest? -It's an enquiry. We're interrogating everyone. Man is our greatest wealth so we must control him. Edo, tell me ... -I'm here officially. Than tell me officially... what have my dad and uncle Vanc done? Don't ask me. I am here as an official figure, now. Then I'm telling you officially that I'm pregnant. Oh, God! You're not guilty of anything. If I came back alive from two armies I will survive this, too. -Take care! Let's go. -I'm coming. I'm not letting you go. I was an activist. I was always for Tito. What have I done wrong? You mentioned StaIin too often. So others did. You too. -Quiet! I'II ask the questions and you write. No familiarity! Come in! hello! Death to fascism! Freedom to the people! -Your details! Name? Are you joking? You know me. Occupation? -Agrarian Iandowner. Aren't you a railway worker? Agrarian Iandowner railway worker. -Decide wich! I am railway worker and also an agrarian Iandowner. Date of birth? -20. VII. 1914. Sit down! We know everything. Now just tell us. What should I tell? -Everything! How you came to the Soviet Army, what you did and why weren't you in prison camp? I escaped from the Germans, you know that. With the Russians I just peeled the potatoes. What? -KartofeI, I mean potatoes. But I didn't fire a shot not at Russians or Germans. Which army were you with? German or Russian? I was StaIin's soldier. I have certificate. What certificate? Certificate of discharge from the Red Army. Show me! Write. Discharged from the Red Army. Sorry, but I'm not giving it to anyone. -Why not? Who told you that? -Vanc, the activist. What's your daughter's name? -OIga. And how do you call her? -VoIga. VoIga? Why? Don't we have our own rivers? Why do you always boast of being StaIin's soldier? Why do you never mention Tito? But Tito is also Russian! -What? Write that down! Who's Russian? -Tito! You know he was sent to Moscow before the war. The Russians, maybe StaIin himself, got rid of him. Then they sent us his double. So actually a Russian led this revolution. That's why we got a shortage and agrarian reform. And who told you that? -Vanc! He said he heard that at the KLOJ. -Not here! And to whom did you tell all this? No one. only you, but don't tell it to anybody. It'II cost you ten years in jail. Are you fucking with us? With you? Why? -It's alright! tell us what sort of connections you had with Vanc? What did he say at your place? That we must be red and for the Russians. Write that down. He said religion is the opium of the people. Write that down. That seemed all right to me, but it didn't seem right he was smuggling meat. But you've also eaten it, comrade president. And you, comrade policeman, and comrade teacher, too. Enough of that! What meat? -Nothing! Nothing important. Did Vanc bring you any propaganda material? Yes. Land for those who work it. That's why I got the land. Did he say anything against the government? No! He said we'II all be the government. But I didn't believe him. And how did you behave on your land? I don't understand. Now listen to what your son wrote at school. Read Tincek's essay. My dad's a socialist kuIak. He's a good man. First he was with the Germans, then with the Russians. Then one day he came home. That was the happiest day of my Iife. Now he works on the railway and has nice brown eyes. Then mother got us agrarian land - 3 hectares. Dad knows how to get along. Now we've got the land he's also kuIak. A socialist kuIak. He'II screw them all! I Iike to hear him say: Now I'm kuIak, too. Did he really write that? Do you know what we do with kuIaks? -I don't know. We imprison them! Even socialist ones? There aren't any socialist kuIaks, you fool! Thanks God! Now we all have to change. We must reeducate our hearts. No more StaIin's soldiers. So being StaIin's soldier is not important now? No more! StaIin's just the worst ... Shit, that's impossible! Good! Now just go home. -Can I really go? Work your land and listen to the radio, not to Vanc. And don't talk too much. I won't talk at all. Nothing! That's right. Death to fascism! Freedom to the people! Is Vanc really guilty? -He must have done something. well, if I'd send that fool to the secret service, they'd arrest even me. What shall we do with Vanc? Take him to town for further enquiries. I must also discover some informbureau members. I didn't come here on holliday. Is Tito also a Russian ...? Damn people! MaIek has aggravating circumstances although he's a fool. -Which ones? He was in the Red Army. Then he also has extenuating circumstances. -Which are? He was also with the Germans. although we discovered only one Informbureau member, you should open your eyes! There are certainly more hiding. If necessary, I'II come back and we'II create them. We should also put pressure on agrarian smaIIhoIders. The Russians blame us for not finishing coIIectivization. We'II take their land and found farmers cooperatives. We're expecting new instructions. Dad's not guilty. They won't arrest him. Whoever arrests dad should be cursed real bad. Shut up! And leave StaIin out of your poems. Are you waiting for me? What did they want from you? That little devil with his essays! Stop! He told only the truth. Who allowed him to write the truth? Then what can I write? -Nothing! Now I want to hear in our house ... only Communist Party of yugoslavia. Then I'm not VoIga any more? What VoIga? -But you gave her that name. She was christened OIga, which means she's OIga. You've got a letter. An official envelope. Damn you, Joze! I was always for Tito and YugosIavia. Quiet! I'm taking him to the station. I'II hand him over to the police at the train. If they call you for a witness, tell them that I was always for our side. You were for stalin. They'II let you go. -Why did you put me in it? Did you say he's Russian? -I didn't accuse him. Poor devil. They should lock up someone else instead. They'II only interrogate him. It's just a precaution. hello! Did you see that? Edo's speaking to me again. Now I feel sorry for Vanc, poor devil. He took this socialism too seriously. As long as they didn't take you. Edo is coming! -At the interrogation I pretended that I'm stupid so they released me. Open the letter. Maybe it's from the secret service. They don't write letters. You know that I Iove you. But I didn't know if I'm aloud to. Now you're here! we shall create a Iarge cooperative ... What? We shall therefore expropriate your land to make Iong-term improvements ... This comes in effect one month after ... They've taken our land. -I knew it! It was too god to last long. Why does every government first give, than take away? I won't be able to say: My land, my tree... Now it'II all be collective. If a man doesn't work for himself then who will? It'II pass. olga will have a kid. He won't know nothing about StaIin or land reform or the war. He won't know that we ever had a war. Is it right that we have to be a fools so they leave us alone? I don't know ... No, it's not right! Any word from the children? The camp director called today. It seems peter doesn't want to learn how to swim. You'll have to write him. Yes. it's wonderful music, that schubert. Mmm. Man: It's on the program next week at carnegie hall. oh, no, not again. Please fix it, jim. Oh, damn. There's not even a hum. I'm afraid it's completely broken. Should I take it down To that lecherous handyman in the basement? No, uh... I'll buy a new radio. I'll go by the shop tomorrow. coming! All right, watch it, watch it. Oh, my. Your toes, lady, your toes. Will you watch your feet, please? Oh! Thank you. Watch your toes, your toes. Oh, my... All right, lady, where do you want it? Oh, I don't know! It's so big! How 'bout over there? Well... Watch your feet. That's it; all right. Oh... It's so big. But it's so ugly. Hey, lady, it's only a radio. A radio's a radio. Listen, sign here, will you, please? I'll plug it in while you sign, okay? Okay, lady, thank you. Have a good day, huh? Uh-huh. Oh! Ugly or not, it does have a lovely tone, doesn't it? oh, this is madness. Jim? Oh, I'm so glad I reached you. They just delivered the new radio. Uh, what? it's enormous. No. But something strange happened. I just went to... Oh. Oh, of course, darling. It can wait until tonight. Bye. This is the top of the line, irene. You just have to know how to tune it, that's all. Well, there. Listen to that chopin. Did you pay those bills? The ones from saks? Hmm? Yes. For christ's sake, kathy, do you always Have to play the piano when I get home? I play every chance I get. I'm at the office all day. So am I! Why don't you leave that lousy little job and stay home? Then you can diddle on the piano To your small heart's content. Did you hear that? On the radio? The voices, they were fighting. Must be a play or something. I don't think it is a play. I thought that you didn't get a raise this year. Jim, come here. You have to hear this. I wish to god I'd never bought you that damn thing. I wish to god I'd never met you. That's odd, it sounds like the elevator. Have you seen my garters? Button me up. Honey, have you seen my garters? Just button me up and I'll find your garters. You know, I wish you wouldn't leave Apple cores in the ashtray-- I hate the smell. That's truly strange. Isn't it? You're like an old woman. Here are your lousy garters. "on the coast of coromandel "where the early pumpkins blow, In the middle of the woods..." my god! It's the sweeney's nurse. "these were all his worldly goods. Two old chairs..." oh, god! Turn it off! "... Without a handle..." Turn it off! What if they can hear us? That's just some sort of poetry show. No, it was the sweeney's nurse. I've talked with her in the park. I know her voice very well. She must've been reading to their little girl. Don't be silly; calm down. They live in 17 c! We must be getting other people's apartments. Can they hear us? "... Wife? ' said the yonghy-bonghy-bo. "'I'm tired of living singly on this coast So wild and shingly..."' hello? Hello? Can you hear me? "'if you'll come and be me wife, Quite serene would be me life..."' I guess they can't hear us. "'oranges and lemons,' says the bells of st. Clement's..." Try something else. "you owe me five farthings,'..." This is crazy! "... Say the bells of st.Martin's. 'when will you pay me? ' say the bells of old bailey..." Try something else. Have some more sandwiches. My god, I made enough for an army or a marching band. that's margaret fuller in 11e. I knew she was giving a party. I saw her stocking up in the liquor store. Isn't this too divine? Try something else. see if you can get 18c. Talk to somebody for christ's sake, honey. Talk to somebody! I don't want to talk to anyone. It's not a hat, it's a love affair. If she catches you standing here not talking to anybody... "not a hat, it's a love affair." Oh, my god! Isn't this wild? Two, no trump. Ooh. Two, no trump? Are you nuts? I don't know who's nuts, but I do know my hand. Two, no trump. Oh, sure. What's this? Tell me. It's a bounced check, that's what. Didn't I tell you about this? Didn't I warn you That one more time, and that would be it? I can't believe you can be so damned irresponsible! So selfish and stupid! Are you all right, darling? Yes. Yes, I'm all right, I guess. But you know, charlie, I don't feel like myself anymore. Sometimes there are about 15 minutes in a week When I feel like myself. I don't want to go to another doctor. The bills are too much already. But I just don't feel like myself, charlie. I just never feel like myself. Typical. Leave it to you to find an excuse For such a thing. I mean, really, who cares? Who cares? Have a good day at the office, dear. See you tonight. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. The war. Shrapnel. Really? No. No, I got it on a knife fight on the lower east side With my ex-wife. She stabbed you? In more ways than one. Say... Don't pull away. Come on, come back here. Come get me. Oh! Mmm... Oh. Anybody ever told you You have nice lips? No. No. Ah, hello? Don't pull away. Oh, hi. You want me, don't you? Lunch? Today? Come here. Irene: I can't. Come get me. I'm in the midst of something. well, I'll call you. Right. Bye. Mmm. This is it, huh? This is what it comes to. This! Oh, I'm surprised you care. Jim, go up to 16c. What? Hurry! Mr. Osborn is beating his wife. They've been quarreling since 4:00, and now he's hitting her. Go up there and stop him! Don't you touch me again. I'll kill you, frank. I swear, I'll kill you! I'll see you dead No. You don't have to listen to this sort of thing, you know? It's indecent-- it's like looking into peoples' windows. I bought the damn radio to give you some pleasure. I paid a great deal of money for it. I thought it would make you happy. I wanted to make you happy. Look at you. Don't... Don't quarrel with me. All of the others have been quarreling all day long. They're all worried about money. Mrs. Hutchinson's Mother is dying of cancer in florida, And they don't have enough money to send her to the mayo clinic. At least mr. Hutchinson says they don't have enough. And mr. Hendricks Is being laid off in April, And mrs. Hendricks is being just horrid about the whole thing. And that woman who plays the chopin Is having an affair with the handyman. And mr. Osborn is beating mrs. Osborn... So don't listen to it! Turn it off. It's not your business. Don't! Don't yell! Life is too awful. It's... Too sordid and awful. Who? Tell me, who is it this time? With the handyman, if you can believe that. No! You're not telling true. That filthy, driveling, stump of a man. And she's doing it with him every chance she gets. Like rabbits, I tell you. oh, my god! I can hear them all day. Well? There's nothing wrong that I can see. But what about the interference? You hear anything now? Sounds perfect to me. But I told you... Look, lady, like I said before- There's nothing wrong that I can see. I mean, you just got to talk nice to it, that's all. Don't you think that people should have manners? He says that to me. And do you know what the most awful part of it was? Jack melville overheard the whole thing. Um... Irene? Are you with us? Oh. Oh, yes. I... Just, um, Wandered off for a moment. Well, listen, Good people, we really Do have to be on our way. Thanks so much. It was really a lovely dinner, irene. Oh, did you really think so? Thank you. It's always nice to see you, jack. Good night, clare. Good night. I'll walk you out. I just don't feel like myself, charlie. I just never feel like myself. Oh, for christ's sake, kathy, Do you always have to play the piano when I get home? So, um, anybody ever tell you you got pretty eyes? Yes. My husband. Irene? What's gotten into you? What do you mean? What do I mean? You barely said ten words all night. You just sat, staring into space, Or staring at clare. It's just rude, that's all. I've never seen you like this. They seem to be such nice people. Why don't you treat them better? I work with him, irene. I see him every day. But you never really know, do you? Know what? The truth. What they really are. They have such nice open faces, But who knows what horrible things They do to one another... Alone... In secret. You're talking nonsense. And I don't like it. Not one bit. Hello, darling. Everything okay? Perfect. Couldn't be better. Well, that's a good thing. I just paid the bill for that radio. Cost $400. It's a good deal more than I can afford. I bought that radio 'cause I... I thought you'd enjoy it. That's the last extravagance We're gonna be able to indulge in this year. Listen to it, jim. Isn't the music beautiful? I noticed you haven't paid your clothing bills yet. I saw them on your dressing table. Why'd you tell me you had paid them when you hadn't? Why'd you lie to me? I just didn't want to worry you, jim. I'll be able To pay for everything with this month's allowance. Last month, remember, I had to pay For those slipcovers and that party. You've got to learn To handle the money that I give you A little more intelligently, irene. You've got to understand, We don't have as much money this year as we did last. I had a very sobering talk with mitchell today. I worry about money a great deal, And I've worked awfully hard To give you and the children a comfortable life, And I don't want to see all of my energies And all of my youth wasted in slipcovers and radios And fur coats and god- Jim, please, they'll hear us. Who? The radio. I'm sick... I'm sick to death of that radio! The radio can't hear us. Nobody can hear us, and who cares if they can hear us? ! Who cares? ! Please, jim, you sound just like them- just like them. Like them? ! Like them? ! Since when are you so goddamn christly? What turned you into a convent girl overnight? What makes you think you're so much better than them? You stole your mother's jewelry Before they probated her will. You never gave your sister a cent of that money That was intended for her, not even when she needed it. Where was all your virtue and your piety then? Jim, you know there were reasons for this. Reasons? ! I've heard your reasons, and I'm-I'm just sick of 'em! I don't want to hear your reasons anymore! Irene, you look at me! Look at me! Irene, look at me! DAYS TO REMEMBER In a few minutes we will arrive at Tivat airport. Tired? - I'm okay. How long were you at the station? - Till two. Did you sign the New York contract? - Yes, I even agreed a 500 increase. How long can you keep up your hectic life? All you need is a system that functions well. Is everything set up for today? Yes. What happened to the sheep? My sheep stepped on a mine from world war II. Kaput. Goodbye. Goodbye. Sound. - Rolling. Camera! - Rolling. Scene one, take one. This is the monument to the citizens of Lesna... This is the monument to the citizens of Lesna who died... who died fighting for freedom. In Virpazar on July 13, 1941 the struggle for... The struggle for... In Virpazar... It was a spontaneous rebellion by these peace-loving people who had previously fought the Turks. Was the rebellion only in Virpazar or did it spread? I told you the children... - Cut! I told you the children just got back from Germany one week ago. Repeat: The resistance spread throughout Montenegro. Their first major victory was on July 16, 1941 in Koscele, near Rijeka Crnojevica. Okay? Good. One more time. Sound. - Rolling. Camera! Where are we? We are here, near Titograd. - Podgorica. Podgorica... That place doesn't exist anymore. That was during the war. Today it is called Titograd. Cut. This image is no good. It's much too rigid. Not again. Then find a good image! Come on, sound. - Rolling. Camera! - Rolling. Fourteen, four, the second. Are you glad to be back in Yugoslavia? Yes, we're very happy. "Back?" I was born in Germany. But you're Yugoslavian? - He can't even speak our language. I want to go back home. Everyone's stupid here. Where's your home? - Where my father lives. In Stuttgart. Jerk from Stuttgart! You're the Jerk. - Cut! Germans. Compatriots. Germans. Yes, thank you. Hartmut will bring the footage to Berlin so Paula can work on it. What? I can hardly hear you. No, I can't postpone New York. That's impossible. One day in Berlin is enough. I'll fly on the next day. What? I've already taken care of that. The apartment is empty except for my bags. Listen, can you do me a favor? A favor! Please send a telex to the New York office. I'll be there in four days. On June 14th, okay? Isn't the boss coming? - She's staying for a few more days. Without Hartmut? - Shut up. Well... Have a good trip. Thanks. - Bye. All the best for New York. We'll meet again sometime. Good bye, Ms Gutmann. Telephone! Mrs Jovanovic! If you need anything... Thanks. It was great working with you. Ciao, Katharina. - Ciao, Hartmut. Is her name Gutmann or Jovanovic? - Both. Come on or we'll miss our plane. I can't find it. Feldmann. Spelled with an F. I've showed you everything I have. A lot of it has disappeared. Try the main office in Belgrade. They might have something. Goodbye, Mr Feldmann. Where are you going? - To Lake Skaddar. How did you know I'm German? Want a ride? I'm going that way too. Thanks, but I want to take the bus. To see more of the land. Good idea. See you. Goodbye. Goodbye. You would've been quicker in your car. Of course. I want to really experience this country. And that takes time. - Really? Do you know these poems by Njegos? The Homer of Montenegro. You have to read them. Yes, Yugoslavia... A country full of contradictions. For the west, it's the East. And for the East, it's the west. Now we're about here. In the region around Rijeka Crnojevica. And while we're on the subject... A lot of people were killed in this region. First by the Italians, then by the Germans. 1941, 1942, 1943, 1944. The partisans were... - watch out! A pothole is coming up. Now he's going to curse. And now he'll honk his horn. Okay, here's where I get out. I was born here. Come on! Good morning, Aunt Gordana. Is that you, Katharina? Danica! Danica! Run over to Martha's! Tell her Katharina is here. How great. Welcome. - Thanks. Aunt Martha will be so happy. A couple of days ago she had this dream. Nikola, please drive to the bus stop. I had trouble with the car there. I'll take care of it. How's your music? Bring my suitcase from the car. Katharina! I've been accepted at the academy. Fantastic! Mama, no one has died. There's no reason to cry. This is... - Your fiancé? Peter Feldmann from Berlin. - Nice to meet you. The pleasure's mine. This is my mother. My name is Martha. Please come. Come. Please come in. Uncle Savo, put me down! - You're too skinny. I'm not a child anymore! What do you eat there? You should eat some cornbread and bacon. Right, sister? German? Hello. Peter Feldmann. I see it right away. You're German. Why? Do I look like it? You're not from us. I see that right away. I'm Savo. TELEVISION'S DARLING OF THE MONTH. Understand? - No understand. Peter, come. I'll show you Katharina's house. You're also too skinny. This is the living room. With television and music. The bedroom is upstairs. Katharina, do you want a double or two single beds? Aunt Ljubica! Are you Viktoria? Here are the keys. Everything's working. You probably flooded the engine. Women and cars. - Nonsense. You're a good girl. Your father would've been proud. She sends money every month. I started building this house for her with it. Okay, they are Aunt Gordana and Aunt Ljubica. They are my poor husband's sisters. That terrible Savo is my brother. He doesn't need to know all that. He has to know it. Gordana, take care of him. I'll be right back. Tell me... Do you have a family? Family? Yes, it's a big family. No, you. Do you have a family? My family? Judith. Her name is Judith. Eight years old. Wife? My wife is gone. Danica, please get some water. - I'll do it. No, Danica will go. - I'll do it. Come on, let's go. BORN IN 1919 IN DODOSE. DIED IN 1983 IN MUELHEIM, RUHR, WEST GERMANY. All the Yugoslavian foreign workers collected money. To send the body back here. By plane, understand? He only flew in a plane once. As a corpse. Did Katharina's father die in Germany? Yes. Work. Work. And then gone. A war comrade. Understand? When will you get married? Oh well, you can also be happy without being married. A pity he's not Yugoslavian. Your new German friend is handsome. What does he do for a living? I bet he earns good money. Olga's husband brought three kids into their marriage. And this one has a daughter. - That's not good. Why not? Then Katharina only has to have a son. I thought you were a fast woman from the TV. I am. - Yes? A really fast one. Please do me a favor. Drive to Titograd to the post office and send this telegram to Berlin. Here's the address. One moment... what's today's date? - The ninth. The ninth. - So then... on the fourteenth. But who shot the hostages? Officers or soldiers? All of them. Do you remember the name of the unit? That was a long time ago. Uncle Savo, let me have him for a while. You'll have him your whole life. What did he say? - Let's go. What's this? Such a young man. The war is over. You should go to the seaside with Katharina. It's beautiful. The sea, the moon, music. Forget the moon and music. I have something to do here. Sit down. You love your country, right? Yes, I love my country. I love it. But German insulin is very good. Good German insulin. Grenades destroyed my stomach. Drink nothing, eat nothing. Katharina brings insulin. I drink, I eat. Maybe you won the war in the end. You love Katharina? Her mother says you're going to marry. The house is being built for Katharina. I helped with it. Stop, Dusan. That's enough. Come on, let's sing a song. Go back to sleep, mother. I'll be right back. Yes, Peter. Three days and three nights in the woods with two comrades. On the other side... 100 Germans. Last week it was two days and ten Germans. Leave the man alone. Nikola, wake up! Let's go. Come, I'll show you where the soldiers were. Come on. Do you have a boyfriend, Danica? I'm learning to sew, to cook, to smile and to wait. I should stay a virgin until the man of my life comes along. It's still like that? But I want to go to Germany. Like you. Don't do that. Dusan... You're not coming back. What are you talking about? I know it. You won't come back. Why didn't you come back after your father's death? Why? I've lost you. I don't have you anymore. Mother, please go back to sleep. Why did I do all that? For whom? Shit! You're so thin. I traveled to Berlin for your sake. I know. German. You want to come back, but can't any more. You're a stranger here now. You will always be unhappy. Life can be so easy. You don't say. Shall your children be German? Never be with your mother? Never hear Njegos in your language? Stop, Dusan. Don't start that again. I cried when you left. You were ten then. I'm not ten anymore. You're a fine German lady now, eh? "Television's darling of the month." Do you feel better now? Tell Nikola to take the car to Dubrovnik tomorrow. How do you say, "It was nice"? Bilo je ljepo. Come on. Come on, Peter. Will you come back? I don't understand why you live in Germany. Because I'm German. - You're Yugoslavian. Yes, that too. Which is home: Germany or Yugoslavia? I don't need all that! I was ten when I left and that was more than 20 years ago. Homeland. That's fiction. It's the longing for a childhood you can't return to. Where do you want to grow old? - I don't have to worry about that now. Why? Do I look that old? If you know where you want... - I don't want to get old at all. And if I do get old, it'll be where I am then. Maybe in New York. New York? Why are you in Yugoslavia? My name is Peter Feldmann. I called recently. Did you find something? I'm the son... what? One moment. You talk to him. I don't understand. Yes? Okay. One moment. They don't know where to send you the information. Should I say Hotel Milocer? - Yes. Listen. Send it to Hotel Milocer. Yes, Peter Feldmann. You should see yourself. And you? Look how tiny my village seems from up here. Can you translate that for me? July, 13, 1941. Fight fascism. Freedom for the people. Do you have a thing for monuments? I want to understand. By standing there? Okay... If that's what you like. That looks like an M. - Yes. The engineer who built this road loved a woman called Milena. It's true. He could've made the road straighter. But he loved her so much he did it like that. No one knew why. Really. The workers building the road rebelled. But he insisted. In the end, he stood up here with her, and she looked down... And he... we get out at the next stop. Why did we come here? You wanted to see where the Nazis were. What's this place called? - Andrejevica. He wasn't here. - What? Nothing. In the summer of 1944 German troops gathered 400 women, children and elderly from the neighboring villages and shot them as hostages.